Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He didn’t know how Aunt Ruthie found out. Maybe one of his cousins told her. Even when she was crabby, he had always had a good relationship with her. It wasn’t like she was angry at him, more like disappointed. But anyone who knows Cyrus Goodman knows that he hates disappointing people.

“Cyrus,” she had started, “ I heard that you’ve been participating in,” she paused, “unsavory behavior.”

He knew exactly what she was talking about. After all, he and TJ had been going out for years.

He knew one of his cousins must have told her. They had a sleepover a while ago and he came out to them. One of his other cousins had told him that she did drugs once. She was younger than him, so he and one of his older cousins started joking about blackmailing her. She threatened to tell the whole family that he was gay. He told her they would never believe her over him. Everyone else there promised to keep the secret. He never expected her to be the one to make the first move.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about, Aunt Ruthie,” he lied, keeping a straight face.

“Don’t lie to me,” she snarled, “ I heard you talking to your little friends about how much you love TJ and how you’re so happy he’s your boyfriend.”

Oh

That’s how she knew. He always thought that his walls were pretty much soundproof- turns out they weren’t. He always thought that he talked about TJ when Aunt Ruthie wasn’t around- turns out he was wrong.

“I want you to stop. I want you to know that HaShem hears everything. He hears everything in the end. Don’t stop for me- do it for HaShem.”

Cyrus’s heart sank. His mind started swarming. He wasn’t the type to make empty promises, but the circumstance was dire.

“Ok,” he said in almost a whisper.

He wondered what would happen next. Would she tell his parents or did she already? Would she tell the rest of the family? Would his cousin tell the rest of the family.

He was sad and angry and scared all at once, so he did the only thing he could.

He called TJ.

Chapter Text

“Pick up, pick up,” he thought.

“Hey, it’s TJ. Uhhh, leave a message, or don’t. I don’t care-”

Cyrus’s heart sank. The only person that he could talk to about this wasn’t picking up his damn phone.

“Unless you’re Cyurs,” the phone said, “ If it’s Cyrus, just, uhh, keep calling until I answer.”

So he did. He kept calling, but it was always a voicemail. He tried for what felt like hours. Until he heard shuffling on the other side of the call.

“TJ?”, he asked quietly, “Are you there?”

“Yeah, what’s up, Muffin?”

“Aunt Ruthie knows about me and she knows about us and,” his voice quivered, “everything’s falling apart.”

“Swings?” TJ asked.

“Yeah,” Cyrus replied in a shaky voice.

“On my way,” that was the last thing Cyrus heard before the call ended.

Cyrus had always loved the swingset. He went there with Andi and Buffy and Buffy’s mom when things got heated with his parents right before the divorce. He went there when he first realized he had a crush on Jonah Beck. He always went to the swings. It was where he felt safe- up until The Incident with the shirt and Kira. But he blocked that from his memory. Now, the swings was a place full of comfort and serenity.

By the time his foot landed on the wood chips, he could see the outline of TJ.

“You come here a lot?” the older boy asked.

Cyrus chuckled for the first time in what seemed like ages.

“Only when I’m feeling bad about myself,” he replied.

“Are you feeling bad about yourself now?” came an almost silent whisper.

Cyrus hesitated. Was he feeling bad about himself? He didn’t quite know the answer. He felt bad that he let Aunt Ruthie down. Even though she was very awful, he had always been a people pleaser. When he baked with his mom, she would remind him gently to not spill the batter on the counter, but everytime he accidentally spilled and sobbed into his sleeve. He felt bad because she was going to be so angry at him and he just couldn’t handle it.

He simply shrugged.

“Please, Cyrus,” TJ pleaded, “just talk to me.”

“Teej,” he hesitated, afraid, “Aunt Ruthie knows and I think she might tell everyone else and I’m really scared because I don’t want to lose this,” he gestured between himself and the blond, “I don’t want to lose us.”

“Baby, you’re not gonna lose us. You and me, we’re ride or die. We’re always gonna have each other, and that might be a pain in the ass for other people someday, but not us,” he saw Cyrus’s unpresuaded face, “That’s never gonna happen, Cy. We’re Tyrus. We’re soulmates, baby.”

“Ok,” Cyrus said, a bit reluctantly.

He walked towards his swing, sat down, and started swinging.

“Legs go up, legs go down, that’s how you make the swing go round.”

Chapter Text

They stayed there for hours, just swinging and talking. It was like old times.

“Hey, TJ,” Cyrus said tentatively.

“What’s up, muffin?”

“This is gonna sound silly, and I probably shouldn’t even remember or be this worked up about it because it’s kind of stupid, but, uh-”

“Hey, if it’s got you this anxious, it’s definitely not stupid,” TJ said while slowing dragging his feet to slow the swing.

“It’s just that, uh, last time I was here was that day with the shirt,” he said, hoping TJ would remember what happened so he wouldn’t have to say it.

“Yeah, about that, why didn’t you come? Did you want me to come get it from you?”

“I did come and, uh, I saw you,” TJ’s face dropped, “with Kira.”

“Oh my god, Cyrus, I’m so sorry. I didn’t know what to do. She manipulated me. Oh god, Cyrus, I’m so sorry.”

“It’s fine, it’s stupid, I’m sorry, but I’ve been thinking about it alot lately.”

“No, no, I’m sorry, Cyrus. It’s not stupid at all.”

“No, I’m sorry.”

“Impossible, she manipulated you, you didn’t do anything wrong. I’m sorry for holding onto the memory so long and for bringing it up and-”

“Cyrus, no, I’m sorry-”

They were both interrupted by a buzz that came from Cyrus’s phone. It erupted light that rivalled the moon and reminded them just how long they had been out.

“It’s my mom, I have to go home now,” Cyrus whispered.

“Is Aunt Ruthie still staying with you?” TJ asked with worry etched onto his face.

“Just for a little while longer, but it’s fine,” Cyrus answered with a small whimper in his voice.

“Then I’m sleeping over tonight,” he stated matter-of-factly.

“What?” asked Cyrus, taken aback.

“Your mom said I could sleep over whenever I want, so why not tonight. It’s not like my parents are gonna wonder where I am.”

“Yeah, but Aunt Ruthie is there,” he said in a meek voice.

“We can face her together, baby.”

“Ok?,” Cyrus asked himself more than TJ, “Ok!”

They walked home hand in hand, only stopping when they reached the vicinity of Cyrus’s house.

Sure, it was a pretty small house. It was only one level with an old, weathered roof. The sides were plastered with bricks of varying shades of red and brown. Every window wore a look of age and enlightenment. Solar panels were sitting at the top of the home, waiting for the first glimpse of sunrise that came at dawn. There was a short door near the center of the house with chipping yellow paint that creaked every time someone dared open it. The garage was the main entry point of the house, but that didn’t stop people from admiring the door.

Cyrus and TJ entered through the garage (Cyrus knew the pin number by heart- 10-13-04, his birthday) and made their way through the winding, narrow hallway to the kitchen.

“Are you hungry?” Cyrus asked.

“Nah, I ate on the way to the swings, “ he replied, grabbing some Snickers wrappers from his hoodie as proof.

“Those have zero nutritional value!” Cyrus said, painting shock onto his face.

“They have nuts in them which are protein, so therefore they are protein,” TJ said, defending his precious Snickers bars.

“It’s all sugar! You’re gonna be up for hours.”

“Well,,, you could cuddle me to sleep,” TJ responded, causing a crimson blush to invade Cyrus’s face.

“TJ Kippen!” Cyrus whisper- yelled, “Is this the only reason you came? To cuddle me?”

“Well it’s definitely a perk,” he added, causing them both to fall into quiet giggles.

Cyrus grabbed some yogurts and (much to TJ’s resistance) two spoons. They tiptoed up the stairs, as not to wake Aunt Ruthie. They headed down the hallway and eventually reached Cyrus’s mother’s room.

“Shhh, I’m just gonna let her know I’m home,” he whispered while handing the yogurt and spoons to TJ, “You stay out here.”

He shuffled into the room and woke his sleeping mother.

“Hey, mom, I’m home.”

“Ok, baby. Don’t go out that late again- you scared me.”

“Ok, and, uh, TJ’s sleeping over.”

“Ok, you two are such good friends.”

Cyrus grimaced.

“Yeah, mom, we’re great friends.”

“Ok, well, goodnight, honey,” she mumbled and gave him a swift kiss.

He walked into the hallway and met a confused TJ.

“Friends?” he asked.

“Yeah, uh, they don’t know we’re together.”

“Oh, ok.”

Cyrus’s room had stayed about the same since his sixth birthday. The walls were light blue and the bedding was dinosaur- themed. His posters were of dinosaurs and other non-extinct animals. His bed was placed to the side of his room with a desk opposite to it. You wouldn’t think it, but the desk was very messy. Pages upon pages of unfinished screenplays, school projects, and general clutter towered on his desk. His dark blue beanbag chair sat in the corner near his closet. It was worn, but still comfy. His closet was filled with neatly pressed button ups and khaki pants. One a small shelf above his bed with dinosaur covers was a small shelf that housed a collection of fedoras.

They creeped into his room. Cyrus sat on the bed, while TJ opted for the bean bag chair.

“She’s gonna see you tomorrow morning,” said Cyrus suddenly.

“Who?”

“Aunt Ruthie.”

“Oh,”

There was a moment of silence as they processed this.

“Well,” TJ started, “If anything happens, I’ll be there for you.”

“Thank you,” came a small whisper.

“Did you give any more thought to cuddling me to sleep?”

“Ugh, fine,” he said in a fake annoyed manner.

“Oh no, your boyfriend wants to cuddle you, how tragic, “ TJ tease.

They cuddled together, silently tracing each others arms with the tips of their fingertips.