Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

"Do you ever think sometimes", Mark began, "that there's someone out there for everyone?"
"Well sure Marky, Roger replied. "Don't you? What, is Maureen just a blur to you now?" he smirked.
"No, I mean someone who was made, just for you. I remember hearing this story once, about how people used to have four arms and four legs and two heads, like man and woman joined together, or woman and woman joined together, or man and man..."
"Kinky".
"Shut up, I'm being serious. And the the gods got scared of their power and split them in two into what we are now, and that somewhere the other half of your body is out there, waiting for you to find them. Because if we're alone, we're only half a body. Half a soul".
"You're never going to be alone Mark", Roger said quietly. "You've got me". And he looked right up at Mark as he said it, and for the first time Mark really noticed Roger's eyes, and that they were the same colour as his own. And if he'd really stopped to think on it, he would have realised that their hearts were beating in time to one another, and that whenever he was with Roger, the pain in his soul lessened, just that little bit. But as it was, he just said, "Thanks Rog", and filed the observation about his eyes away in his brain for another time.

He only chose to reexamine it years later, shortly after Roger's death, when the pain in his soul had grown stronger than ever. Almost unbearable. Hindsight was a wonderful thing. Maybe if he'd realised back then, he could have saved Roger, and himself, a lot of heartache. Maybe Roger would have avoided this disease. But at least now he knew. He knew that, without Roger, he was only half a person, and that even without their minds realising it, their half souls had pulled them together again as close as was possible without their bodies cooperating. And he was grateful for the time he'd spent, unaware, or maybe just pretending to be, in the presence of his other half, even if they were never quite whole again. And he knew now to tell anyone else who was searching for their soulmate to go by the eyes. The eyes that, if they were the right ones, would reveal your other half, looking back at you. And that seemed to say 'You are not alone. You have me, and I have you. Nothing has to hurt anymore, because we are together again'. And sometimes those eyes, and that look, would have to be enough. Because sometimes life gets in the way, and sometimes you let it. Even if, deep down, your souls are screaming to be whole again.

Chapter Text

"Do you ever think sometimes", Mark began, "that there's someone out there for everyone?"
"Well sure Marky, Roger replied. "Don't you? What, is Maureen just a blur to you now?" he smirked.
"No, I mean someone who was made, just for you. I remember hearing this story once, about how people used to have four arms and four legs and two heads, like man and woman joined together, or woman and woman joined together, or man and man..."
"Kinky".
"Shut up, I'm being serious. And the the gods got scared of their power and split them in two into what we are now, and that somewhere the other half of your body is out there, waiting for you to find them. Because if we're alone, we're only half a body. Half a soul".
"Like Collins and Angel?" Roger asked. And he looked right up at Mark as he said it, and for the first time Mark really noticed Roger's eyes, and that they were the same colour as his own. And if he'd really stopped to think on it, he would have realised that their hearts were beating in time to one another, and that whenever he was with Roger, the pain in his soul lessened, just that little bit.
"Yeah", Mark smiled. "Exactly like Collins and Angel. Not you and Mimi?" he asked, after a pause.
"Mimi is who I needed when I met her. Doesn't mean she's who I'm gonna need forever. That she's the one".
"But how do you know?"
"I think sometimes you just know Marky".
Mark though about that for a second, and then looked back into Roger's eyes again. Those eyes, that made him feel as if they were his own staring back at him. And so he took the plunge, and he kissed Roger gently, briefly, on the lips. And all at once, the pain in his soul seemed to ease, and to pull him closer to Roger.
"See", Roger said, smiling. "Sometimes you just know". He kissed Mark back then. "If we're all only half a soul, you must be the other half of mine Marky. You've just got to be. No question about it. Why else would you still be here with me?"
"Is because I love you good enough? Because I think even if we aren't one person split apart and thrown back together again I would still be here, loving you. If that's okay".
"It's okay. I think I'd maybe love you anyway too. Because I do you know. You ever feel like you want something so badly your heart’s pushing you to reach for it but everything else worries that maybe it's a bad idea?"
"Oh yeah".
"Well I think now, maybe I should ignore everything else. Apart from my heart I mean. Because if it was pushing us to be friends, and that was clearly a good idea, then why should anything beyond that not be, you know?"
"Mmmhmm..." Mark was beaming now. Roger began to stroke absentmindedly at the hair at the back of Mark's neck. "I think my soul deserves to not be alone without it's other half anymore."
"I think that too", Mark said, moving to lean into Roger's side. "Don't worry, we'll put it back together again". Roger just smiled, and kissed his forehead.
"I think you already have".