Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

She couldn’t believe that someone wanted her. Her whole life she was stuck in the orphanage, always too old or too skinny or too uh-she’s-a- girl to be adopted. But now that she was sitting in the backseat of this enormous car looking up at a beautiful house, the closeness, the reality of it all finally started to make her believe in goodness that may still exist in the galaxy, in the universe, and she somehow managed to find a small piece of it for herself.

She was swept out of her musing by the car throttling to a stop. Her adopted parents, Han and Leia were seated front and chatting, but now they both turned toward her and smiled. They were a bit older that what she imagined her future parents to be, but were extremely nice people, so it didn’t matter. Leia’s eyes were very gentle, and her hair always looked super elegant. Han was very funny and always made her feel like they knew each other since forever.
‘How do you like the house Rey? This is our home, your home now. Leia and I are very happy to finally have you with us, we always wanted a daughter and finally we found you.’ - Said Han, while he squeezed his wife’s hand. She could see tears forming in Leia’s eyes.

‘Oh, let’s get you inside Rey, sweety. I can’t wait to show you around!’ – Leia said tearily while opening the door on her side, and Han and Rey did the same. At least she tried, but Hun beat her to it, and the door was wide open for her. Climbing outside, Rey stared up at the huge house, more accurately, their shared home. The orphanage, where she lived until now compared to this looked like it was built a millenia ago from scavenged, tattered garbage. The whole building was two story high with windows littering all over the front and a dark grey paint decorating the walls, a bit dark Rey thought, but still beautiful. The door was secured with a grate and it looked safe if not a bit intimidating for her. She felt so small.

‘Honey, don’t just stand there, get inside! ‘– Leia said turning to her and tucked Rey’s hand in hers leading her through the door. Han carried her single pale blue suitcase in, closing the door behind them.
The interior was just as magnificent as the exterior. Everything was in perfect order she has never seen before, just like in the magazines the younger ones in the orphanage got when they were taught about how to behave in a “normal” house behaving like “normal kids” for their foster parents. She stole several glances at them back then, but after a while it was just getting her anxious that she wouldn’t ever be in a home like that, so she stopped. Now her dream has become true, and it was so much more than she could have ever dreamed of.

She nervously tiptoed to the coat rack Leia motioned her to hang out her once-white and several size too big coat. It was her only other belonging apart from the other clothes she had on, worn jeans, sneakers and a dark blue turtle neck. Her parents died when she was 6 month old and never inherited anything from them. The orphanage could not afford many niceties either, but it was fine, she was not picky, and always kept her things clean and fairly in good condition.
‘How do you like it so far sweety?’ – asked Leia when she finished pulling of her shoes too.

‘Is it anything like you imagined? We made some minor changes for you to be more comfortable, but I know that the coloring and the furniture is a bit darkish and menacing looking for a little girl like you. I’m sure you would love your room though.’ ‘We renovated it for you, made it more appropriate for the little lady, lighter colors, furry rug, full wardrobe and whatnot.’ – shrugged Han, while he guided her toward the living room and pointed to a set of stairs which were next to a long corridor going to the back of the house.
‘This is the living room, the kitchen is over there, and the hallway leads to our room and a bathroom, and the staircase leads to the second floor. That’s where your bedroom is, honey. And your brother’s too. His name is Ben, I’m sure you remember him. He will be home soon and we’ll be whole as a family.’ – Leia was bubbling with excitement, her earlier tears long forgotten.

‘Please Rey, call us mom and dad. I know it’s not going to come all of a sudden, but we’d love you to consider us your flesh and blood. No one can take you from us now, I swear. You don’t have to go back to that sad place ever again.’ – Leia, her mom, said, and hugged her in the middle of their spacious living room. Behind her she could see two or three family photos on the wall. Her parents and Ben, her new brother.
Of course she remembered Ben. He was their son, he was studying psychiatry at a university Rey never heard of, not that she heard of any. Orphans did not get too much opportunity to see colleges and stuff like that.

Ben was very tall. And he always wore dark clothes, in the pictures and also when they met for the first time. And had a deep voice that always got everyone’s attention if he was in a room, hers included. However, Rey didn’t need to hear him to know if he was in the same room as her. His mere existence from the day they first met was enough for Rey to feel some kind of special force that got her attention whenever he was there, like they belonged together even before the adoption. She knew it was weird.
‘Ohh darling, don’t overwhelm our daughter on her first day with so much talking and getting emotional. Come now Rey, I’ll show you to your room’- Han said with a chuckle and started for the stairs with her stuff and Rey obediently trailing behind him. Leia – her mother – stayed behind and headed for the kitchen, probably to make something for dinner.

A family dinner, with real food, not microwaved from a can or reheated takeout.
From the stairs she could see outside through one of the huge windows. It was a long day, and it was getting dark if the weakening light from outside was any indicator. Upstairs was also a bit dark, but dad switched on the light right away.

‘Here, my sweet girl, is your room.’ – Han stand before her and opened a door on her right at the end of the short corridor.
The view that was waiting for her at the other side of the door was far more than she could have ever asked for regarding her sleeping arrangements. Well, she only ever asked for a family and a little home, but this was otherworldly, truly unbelievable. The walls were soft pink with a huge bed situated at the left side of the room with a rounded window occupying the wall opposite the door. On the right side there was a desk and a comfy-looking office style chair, and a little armchair near the window. Near the bed was a nightstand and a huge wardrobe with a mirror on it. She never had a mirror before, they do not have those at the orphanage because of shattered glass in not good for health reasons and also means bad luck, that was what the Matron always said.

‘We didn’t know what you would like, so I hope it is okay, maybe later you and your mother can talk about some renovation, if you’d like. I was against the pink, but you know her, she is a fierce little thing.’ – he said chuckling.
‘Oh no-no-no, this is perfect, I mean it’s more than perfect, it’s everything to me. Thank you, ..d-dad.’ – She hugged him suddenly with all the emotion that she was bottling up till now. He was not as tall as Ben, but still she reached maybe a few inches above his navel.
Now all of the last few month and years emotions escalated into a bit of a sobbing fit, but dad seemed to understand and hugged her daughter to himself, rubbing his hand on her back, trying to sooth her emotions.

‘Okay, sweety pie, enough of the tears for today, first your mother then you, I’m a man not a napkin.’ – Rey reluctantly wiped at her eyes with the hem of her shirt and smiled up at him. ‘Get settled, change, and come downstair when you are ready. We always have dinner together, and Ben is arriving soon, I believe.’ – he said and patted her head then slowly left her room and the sound of the door closing made this whole day even more real.
Rey stared at the door, then around her room, closed her eyes again one more time and took a deep breath. That was her dad comforting her, this was her own room and more importantly she now had a family, and they were going to have dinner together.

Happily, she walked to her bed and lied down on the white and green delicately patterned sheets with small ivy leaves on them, it was soft, smelled like mom and she noticed she even had a small pillow with her name embroidered on it. They wanted her and they wouldn’t give her back, no, this time she found her true family and she would do everything to make them love her just as much as she already loved them.

Chapter Text

After a quick shower in the bathroom (which was nearer the staircase, to the right of her room) she wrapped herself up in a soft blue towel she found next to the stall, and just stared at herself in the bathroom mirror for a minute. Her face was less scrawny now, she concluded, which was probably a good sign, but still not healthy for a girl her age.
Her freckles were still staring back at her, how she used to hate them because the others always mocked her about them, but now she saw a girl with new life in her eyes and knew that her parents loved her with her imperfections. That’s why they chose her. She still couldn’t believe it though, they were so perfect and she was far from the ideal daughter. Didn’t know how to be one yet.

She quickly wiped her face with her hands and smiled faintly at her reflection. Everything would be alright from now on she reassured herself, just try to be the perfect daughter and do not disappoint your family. They were everything she could have asked for and more. if she didn’t leave her faith in miracles or fairies back when she was five years old, she would have thought all those wishes finally reached the ears of the magical creatures.

Now, at fifteen, everything seemed to become brighter again.

One day her parents showed up at the orphanage with Ben, and were seeing at least a dozen children at the time and still they chose her. She didn’t even know why, sadly there was nothing exceptional about her. Throughout the little interviews they asked quite a lot of questions from Rey too, and she politely answered each one as best as she could, not that there were many interesting things to share about her life. Han and Leia were really patient with her and tried to make her smile with stories of their own adventures back in the day.

She sat there, not daring to maintain eye contact for long with any of them, despite all their efforts. Especially Ben’s gaze felt penetrating.

His was not exactly the most calming presence with his frightening build and dark clothes. Rey couldn’t even describe how tall he looked, she knew no one that came close to his height. Seemed like he stepped out of a fairy tale: the quiet, good-hearted giant. He did not speak throughout the whole interview, but when one of the questions about her past, about her birth parents made her tear up a little, he gently put one of his big hands on hers and told her that she didn’t have to be alone anymore. His hands were warm. So warm. Rey felt that he might be a kindred spirit and that maybe he wanted to be her brother.

Han and Leia were also very kind to her and hugged her when they left.

The next thing she remembered that they adopted her right away after that. So, she was here in their home, about to go to her first family dinner downstairs. She quietly exited the bathroom and made her way to her room still in thought. Maybe that’s why she didn’t notice Ben’s presence first and ran into him in the hallway. He was apparently back from school now and was about to head down to the dining room. His room was wryly opposite of hers, so it would’ve been hard to sense his arrival.

‘Oh, hi… You are here.’ He said with that deep voice of his and steadied her by the waist. Oh, great, our official first meeting as siblings and I have to be in a silly towel and about to fall over. - Rey thought. He wore a black shirt looking like she remembered him, but with casual black sweatpants instead of jeans.

‘Hey, B-Ben, I…I’m here. S-sorry for this, I didn’t mean to…’ – She trailed of, ashamed of herself.
He looked very calm as usual, not a bit bothered by her stuttering, and he still had his hands on her waist. How thoughtful of him. Her towel was not the most elegant thing she could wear for this important occasion, and not the most uh-stable piece of clothing.

‘No problem sister. I’m glad that you are finally here.’ – He looked down on her with his dark eyes, which were not so sad now as she remembered them to be back when they first met. In fact, they looked more lively. His voice seemed less softer than before though.

‘Oh, I…thank you. I’ll go get changed and see you downstairs. I hope mother won’t be angry that I am a bit late for dinner. Please tell her I’ll hurry.’ – Rey said and stepped out of his warm embrace reluctantly. Or was it him who was reluctant?

Back in her room she chose a blue tank top and a puffy white cardigan from the wardrobe, and comfy black leggings to go by, and noticed that there were cute furry slippers by the foot of the bed, so slipped into them too. Her parents really went all out of their way to make her feel at home. Her hair was thrown into a messy bun, reminding her of the messy past. Old things die hard.

Arriving In the kitchen she saw mom make the last touches of the dinner and dad gave her a quick kiss on the temple. Still wearing his trademark leather jacket, wow, how cool. He grabbed a bottle of water and beer of the counter and headed to the dining room. She joined him with a smile and chose the seat beside Ben, who was already seated. Ben got up and pulled out the chair for her, before she could do it herself. Rey was very surprised but thanked him quickly enough. Huhh nobody did that for her in the past before.

Han smiled at them, standing beside the table and said: ‘Oh, I see that my son still has manners. Make sure to always be there for your sister, Ben, and that’s a warning.’ – he playfully pointed the corkscrew in his hand toward him. Rey didn’t even notice he pulled up some wine too. ‘Don’t let her get in as much trouble as you landed in back then.’

‘Of course dad, I won’t let anything to happen to Rey. She’s my sister.’ – Ben said with so much conviction that Rey gasped inaudibly. ‘Besides, I’m much older now, and still you try to control me. Not nice, dad.’

‘Oh, come on, kid, let your father worry a bit, you are no fun.’ – now Han sat down too.

‘T-Thank you.’ – Rey stuttered quietly and before she could contemplate what she did, touched Ben’s hand on the table for just a second, then quickly withdrew it. ‘It means the world to me to have you.’ In that moment Leia – mom- she reprimanded herself, she was her mom, it was just still a bit unusual to refer to them as her parents, walked in with a big bowl of pasta salad and additional 2 glasses in her hands.

‘Oh Rey sweety, I hope you’ll like it, I meant to ask you what you’d like to dinner, but our grocery options were limited. I was planning to do the shopping today, but with all the paperwork at the orphanage… But Ben loves it, so I hope you will too.’ – She said while handing Ben his plate back with a substantial amount of the delicious looking dish.

‘Of course, everything looks fantastic, thank you mom.’ – and handed her the plate before her. Her smile was simply radiant, and Rey couldn’t stop adore her mother for her kindness. After this exhausting day still making dinner instead of takeout.

They took their first bites and Ben immediately said that it was even better than last time. ‘I won’t ever get tired of this sauce mom.’ - he added after the first bite.

After, Dad shared what happened at work the day before with some weird guy dressed as a furry beast saving birds at the local park, and they all laughed. Rey wondered if he was weirdly affectionate towards animals or a bit mental. They would probably never know. The world was just crazy, you can never knew what to expect from people.

Ben told them about his day at school tol. It was a long day for him, even though mom told him three times in like 2 minutes how proud she was of him, how good his grades were. But he spent less time with them now unfortunately. Ben really was a genius in her parent’s eyes and now in Reys too. He had a great future ahead of hím. Learning about people’s minds and how to cure them seemed like a handful, but Ben was really patient. She could already tell he will be a great doctor.

She just nodded when she did not understand something he was referring to, but none the less was happy for him.
‘This little girl here will be just as successful as you are, Ben. I’m sure of it.’ – Dad said while slowly opening his third beer for the night. Beer seemingly complemented dinner really well. And wine too.

‘Rey, sweety, are you nervous to go to school? I know it’s not the same as you used to go, but Ben attended this one too. Should be a great experience. In fact, he still goes there sometimes to help out, coaching, you know. Anyways, tomorrow we will go and get some stuff for you so you’ll be ready for school the day after. How does that sound, dear?’ – Mom asked excitedly.

‘That sounds lovely, thank you mom. But I don’t want to burden you any further, I ‘ll manage without new things. Maybe just some pens and a couple of shirts would be enough.’

‘Oh Rey, don’t be silly. I’m your mother and if I wanted to spoil my baby then I would. We’ll get all the essentials and a bit more just for the sake of your childhood, and for the heart of your mother.’ Leia said smiling, not taking any more objections. Dad and Ben agreed immediately, saying they indeed needed the treat. Ben even squeezed her thigh under the table reassuringly.

‘If you say so, I’d love to spend time with you mom. Thank you.’

Ben kindly offered to take them. Leia was a bit surprised but agreed gladly, and Rey, well she’ll do anything (even if it was “just shopping” for most kids) to spend time with her family. She never got new things in the past before anyway, so whatever they decided to get, she would be truly grateful for it.

She put her small hand on top of Ben’s to make sure he knew how much all this meant to her.

‘Oh, look at you all, I’m already feeling left out of the family bonding time. Am I too old to go with you lot?’ – Dad joked and ran his fingers through his stubble. ‘I know, I know, I have a few white hairs, but come on. Leia, must I be this openly neglected?’

‘Hhaha, Han. You’re not getting younger that’s true, but as far as I know you have to be at the station as usual. Those officers of yours wouldn’t survive an hour without you, darling.’ Dad just nodded, took another sip of his beer and laughed at that. ‘Damn sure. Okay, you have my blessings.’

‘So, what about a board game for now folks? Rey, you ever heard of The Settlers of Catan?’
~
The rest of the evening they played, laughed, and Rey never felt more at ease. They were all sitting on the living room’s thick brown carpet now, and Ben was nice enough to help her with the rules. He even let her sit between his legs so that they could both see the cards and decide about the strategy together. It felt really good being near him. Their parents thought so too, because they couldn’t stop smiling and mom took like fifty pictures about their “first family night”.

It was hot enough in the living room by then apparently, because Ben gently took off her sweater, lazily touching her shoulders and arms by the process. Rey was fine with the sweater on, but he was of course the older and wiser. He knew the rules of the game and he knew the ways Rey’s mind worked, even before she knew it, so it was no surprise he helped her with little things too.

Chapter Text

The next morning mother decided that they just had to have a mother-daughter bonding morning-off. Rey was woken up early by a gleaming Leia pulling the curtains to the side in her bedroom. The light filtered in through the round window and she yawned, then smiled up at her mother. She wore a warm purple sweater and a white blouse under it, her hair in another beautiful updo. So put together.

She brought up a small tray filled with breakfast goods and put it on the nightstand beside Rey’s still sleepy head. Hmm she didn’t even hear her come in. Last night they really stayed up a tad too late.

‘I made some pancakes for my little girl. So bathroom then eat. We don’t wanna waste the day, do we? Hurry up, sweety.’ – Rey shrugged of the blanket as fast as physically possible and practically jumped up from the bed. Hugged her mother tightly before heading to the bathroom: ‘Okay mom, I’ll be back in just a sec.’

After the real quick morning routine of a fifteen year old girl, she settled at her desk with the full plate mom made. Banana pancakes, which were the best things Rey ever had, littered with berries and a bit of syrup. Yum. She was a girl with a sweet-tooth and mom didn’t even have to ask what she liked, wow. Was she even real?

Leia smiled and patted her back when she kind of moaned out loud after the first bite. Definitely better than those soggy buns with a touch of PB back at the orphanage.

Mom sat in the armchair while she ate, and the whole time she chatted about what she planned for the day. Which sounded like a lot.

Then she offered to do her hair for the day, starting with brushing her hair. The outcome were three cute little buns. It was unique, and she loved it. ‘I will always wear my hair like this, it’s awesome mom.’ – standing before the mirror, Rey never felt this girly before, and mom patted her head when she was done observing her new look.

Mother said that with just Ben around she was left out of these motherly duties, and now she got to do them. ‘Finding you was truly a miracle, my sweet girl.’

She cupped her face in her hands. ‘Oh, you look simply stunning. This smile of yours – she tapped the tip of Rey’s nose - is what your old mother lives for. And these freckles, so-so innocent. Oh God, look at me, all teary already. Don’t tell Dad, he doesn’t like when I cry before others.’ – she sniffed a bit then laughed lightly.

‘Mom don’t cry. I know tears are sometimes necessary, but I’m here now and I won’t go anywhere.’

‘Ahh, you’re so right sweety. I dunno what came after me. Just emotional that you’re finally here.’ – Rey hugged her again to make her feel how much she adored her no matter what.

‘Umm, so… what should I wear mom? ‘– speaking about clothes and things like that always cheered her mother up, so it seemed like a good diversionary maneuver. And she was right: with that Leia was back at her earlier self, picking out things from the wardrobe and holding it up to Rey’s front. Wow, they really went out of their way to provide her. So many clothes in that wardrobe and she still wanted to get her more.

After putting on a light yellow halter dress her mother insisted looked perfect on her and warm white stockings, she was ready to go. She grabbed a small jacket too, it was very chilly outside yesterday. Better be safe.

‘Don’t forget making your bed, Rey.’ Mother told her when she was almost out the door. Oh, the bed. She had to make her bed first. She was so excited almost forgot about it, but mother reminded her in time.

All proper young ladies have to keep their rooms in perfect order. Mom told her that yesterday night when they came upstairs after the game: ‘It was so good to see you and your brother be so close to each other already. But to beat us like that? I played that game at least a hundred times already.’ – she laughed, and kissed Rey’s forehead to say goodnight (not the least bit “bothered” by her win by then). But she noticed the few clothing items Rey wore earlier scattered on the bed and she frowned and leaned back from the hug.
‘Rey darling, you like being my daughter, don’t you? Well, my daughter has to behave like a proper young woman no matter her current age. Keep your room organized, don’t just throw your things around . Do not dare disappoint me, sweety.’ – her hand still resting on her upper arms.

‘I- uh, sorry Mother. I promise I won’t.’ Who was she to throw things around anyway? Ahh, first mistake. Parents do not like mistakes she reminded herself.
She knew better than to make mistakes, they cost too much. So she quickly made the bed, arranged the little cushions in the exact way they were when she first stepped foot in the room.

Mom looked very pleased. Good. Do not disappoint.

~

Leia drove them to the nearest mall and decided in the car that they should buy some new shirts, some jeans, gym clothes and underwear along with a backpack for school. Ben had to go somewhere first, so he couldn’t accompany them as he promised. Rey felt very sad about it but didn’t want it to affect her mood, since mother was so-so enthusiastic.

Trying on underwear was weird at first, given the fact that Rey had never done that before. At the orphanage they were all given plain white cotton ones each, and the Matron was very strict about keeping them useable as long as possible. Bleach. She still had those in her small suitcase back home.

But this was different, and mom seemed pretty open-minded about lingerie, because she made Rey try some very indecent looking ones, at least in Rey’s eyes. But they were clearly just regular ones, mother knew these things better than her obviously. The nice lady at the shop helped them pick out pieces since she knew mom. Small town so lots of acquaintances.

Either way, Rey ended up with like a dozen new matching sets proudly carried by mom, all of which were lace or some sort of silky material. She liked having to try new colors; blue, pink, red, dark green, even black. Rey felt really shy while her mom and the lady picked out the pieces, but in the end, it felt really natural, like they had been doing this for a long time.

The changing rooms were probably bigger than most rooms at the orphanage. They both fit into one without any trouble, the pile of things included.

~

‘Oh, honey, I’m so sorry we didn’t find you sooner. Your ribs are so visible when you stand like this, and how scrawny your legs look. God. What did they feed you at that horrible place? Light?’ – that was the first thing mother said after she saw her figure with just her plain undies on.

That’s why Rey was reluctant to go shopping in the first place. She was no model or anything like that, always ashamed of herself, her body. Magazines always freaked her out. How could she measure up to normal girls?

‘I’ll try to eat more, mom, I promise. I’m just… not used to it.’ – Mother put the pile of clothes on the little bench behind them and sighed.

‘Sweety, you should. But… Ben likes you this way. Don’t change too much, those things make him upset. And you don’t want to make him upset. Your brother always comes first, never forget that. Let’s try on this red one first.’

It seemed weird to Rey how she brought up Ben suddenly. What does he have to do with it? Surely he doesn’t like her malnourished body. She didn’t understand, but mom pushed the first pair of lacey bra and panties in her hand, not even letting Rey to say anything in reply.
Oh well, at least it was nice to hear that mom thinks Ben likes her. Maybe he’d like to see her new things as well.

It gave her confidence to put on all these pricey stuff despite that she clearly doesn’t need them. Will they make her look any less fragile and broken?

~

After the exhausting try-ons – shirts and even bags included -, her mother thought it was time for lunch in a small Italian restaurant near the mall, and Rey was more than happy to oblige. They were walking there with bags still in hand, and halfway Rey noticed that Ben was waiting for them on the street near the restaurant. He towered over everyone on the busy street in his usual attire: black with black. Shocking. He was on the phone.

How did he manage to look so frightening and calming at the same time, even while making a phone call?

His hair was a bit messy from the wind and his trench coat was not done up. He probably wasn’t human Rey concluded, it was really cold today. When he noticed them walking towards him, he hung up and smiled widely.

‘Mother, sister, I hope you had a wonderful time. Sorry I had to skip the fun part.’ – he hugged Rey almost immediately then kissed her mother on the cheek.

‘What did you force on Rey, mom? Quite a few bags, I see…’ – Ben scolded her mother playfully. ‘I hope it was not entirely unpleasant for you Rey, our parents are very headstrong individuals, to put it nicely, they will always have their way in some way or other.’

‘Oh son, don’t be like this, can’t a mother indulge her daughter once in a while? We bought some new shirts, a bag and lingerie for your sister.’ Rey blushed at the bluntness but remained quiet.

‘Interesting.’ – Ben replied grinning and run his hand through his hair. Windy day, long hair. Best or worst combination?

‘Shall we?’ – he pulled open the door for the ladies, and the three went inside the small restaurant. There were not many costumers lingering in there, still a booth in the far back corner was mom’s choice of sitting. Rey sat down opposite her and Ben slide in beside her, close enough that their thighs touched. Felt really warm after her thighs were pretty much frozen despite the warm stockings. Rey didn’t know if their thighs position was inappropriate or not, but probably not. Ben didn’t even notice it, not made a move to remove his.

His arm came resting on the edge of the leather covered seat behind her head. Mother’s gaze was so proud looking at them. Do not disappoint. Rey could tell she was dreaming about them having lunch together like this for God knows how long. Shared memories were precious.

Ben ordered for all of them when the waiter came. While waiting Rey asked: ‘And how was your day, Ben? I really missed you today. But if you’re tired or anything, you don’t have to accompany us.’

‘Don’t be silly Rey, I’d love to. My day was boring as hell, lectures all day, nothing important. Couldn’t wait to finish’

‘Oh Ben sweetheart, I’m so glad that you could make it here. I was beginning to worry because I have to get back to work. Amilyn just texted. Sorry, sweety. Patients are very demanding sometimes. Mr. Palpatine won’t let the younger nurses to tend to him. Very picky old guy, he was admitted yesterday.’ – Mother sighed.

‘I will watch out for Rey, I promise. It’ll be fun. Just the two of us. You still have some places to go, do you?’ – he asked, touching her shoulder affectionately. Rey understood that mother needed to go. She worked at the local hospital as head nurse, so her job was very demanding. It was a miracle she could stay out this long.

Mom looked a bit concerned for Rey, feeling bad about leaving her and their mother-daughter day behind.

Ben’s words made Rey’s heartbeat quicken, because this will be their first official time alone. Publicly brother and sister. And she really didn’t know how to act the right way. He was always really nice to her, speaking to her softly and not distancing himself like she first thought he would. He felt more at ease when she was around.

She smiled up at him shyly. ‘We’ll have a great time. And make sure that man is in good hands, but I’m sure he just likes your company and you don’t have to worry ‘bout him.’ – she laughed lightly.

‘Sure he is, who wouldn’t?’ – said Ben.

‘Who ordered the lasagna folks?’ – their waiter arrived back to their table with three full plates, balancing them graciously on his arms.
‘Oh, it’s for me. Thank you, young man. Smells incredible.’ - Leia’s mood already cheered up when both of her children received their dishes too, and they could eat in relative peace. The restaurant was thankfully not full of people as the ones in the mall. One of her favorite classics was playing at the background. Still the best small family-owned business in their neighborhood, Leia thought.

After they ate, she waved goodbye, leaving Rey and Ben alone in the booth.

‘So, what did you plan to do, sis?’ – he asked when he was finished with his ravioli. Rey was still struggling with hers. Not that it was not delicious, but she was just halfway done and already felt so full. Fortunately, Ben didn’t force her to eat, instead pulled the cup of water the waiter brought with him earlier in front of her.

‘Can we go to the store and pick up some school supplies? Maybe a few groceries. Mom mentioned it, and I don’t think she will have the time to pick ’em up later.’ - Ben was still very close to her and it filled her with a strange mix of comfort and nervousness. ‘If it’s okay’

‘Yeah, sure, let’s get out of here. I was about to strangle the waiter if he puts this song on again.’ - He left the money on the table without any tip. Hmm, Rey didn’t understand why, maybe because she was so nervous, even speaking was hard while he was this close. Listening to what was playing in the background was not something she could channel energy into. Was it really one song on repeat? Nothing distracting.

She just laughed weakly, standing up, Ben helping her put on her coat and they were out the door. He grabbed her hand in one of his, the other casually carrying the bags, and lead her to his car parking just a few meters away.

When they were in his car and managed to pack all the bags in the spacious trunk, he said: ‘You look different. I mean your hair is different.’ Rey didn’t know if that was a good thing or not, but he added: ‘I like it. This way no one got to see it left down and wild. Just us at home.’ - He squeezed her knee and started the engine looking at the side view mirror while putting the car in reverse.

‘I.. yeah, mom did it. Is it too childish? I really like it.’
His right hand came to rest on her thigh, stroking her through her stockings, but didn’t answer her question. The touch seemed reassuring though, if not a bit scolding.

Maybe even asking that question was childish, looks are just… looks, not that important anyway.
When they pulled up at the supermarket, he got out first and opened the door for her. A real gentleman, just like dad. He was always so proud of Ben when he did small gestures like this.

Once inside, Rey grabbed some basic thing: cheap pens, some notebooks (from recycled paper, they were a bit more on the expensive side but totally woth it) and pencils of course. Drawing without them would be difficult and Rey loved to draw or paint. But drawing was easier, especially if she son’t have anyone at school to talk to.
Ben insisted to buy her a pen which was like a little red sword (Rey saw it as a crest, but Ben said teasingly that she must be blind then). It was way more expensive than it probably should be, but he really wanted to buy it for her, and she gladly accepted it. Maybe something with puppies would’ve been better, but that wouldn’t be something that reminded her of him, so…

After a quick detour to the sport aisle, she quickly showed some shorts and two sports bras in their cart. Ben seemed annoyed when he spotted what she got, so he selected some longer yoga pants and T-shirts instead. ‘These are way to revealing Rey, not something you should wear at school.’ – he said while he pushed the items she selected back to the shelves. She apologized.

At the orphanage they always wore this kind of stuff, but apparently it was not something her new school approved of. Lucky for her that Ben was there to guide her choices.
Reaching the end of the aisle Ben suddenly reached over her head and snagged a black hoodie off one of the top shelves. It had a little red heart on it on the front. Warm and practical.

‘If you wear this, I’ll be there with you and you won’t be alone.’ – so thoughtful, Rey felt it before, but now she was certain that he was meant to be her big brother. Because her biggest fear in the world was being left alone, again.

She could survive earlier, but if he were the one who left her, she would be broken forever – she though suddenly. That feeling really scared her, so she quickly snuggled up to him. Buried her face in his broad chest. Hmm, he smelled like dark chocolate and coffee.

‘Thank you, Ben. You don’t know how much this means to me.’ – he smiled and threw the hoodie into the cart leisurely.

He paid for everything even though Rey said it multiple times that mom gave her some money to spend on necessities since they picked up quite a lot of groceries too. He just patted her head and grinned. ‘As if I would let you buy your own presents. What kind of a man would I be, hmm? Be a good girl and pick up that gum for me there, and I don’t want to hear another word.’

~

They made it back at home a little after dinner time and mother was still not home yet. Dad welcomed them at the door, Ben with a handshake and a backslap, Rey with a hug. It was a bit tricky since he had a beer in his hands, but Rey was extra careful not to spill it out. Dad just loved to drink and was always in a good mood. All parents were like this, not a big deal.

‘Your mother’s still not home kids, so I ordered pizza. On the counter (he motioned behind him). If you want some, take it upstairs with you. I think I’m going to bed grandpa-time for today.’ - he winked at Rey.

‘Yeah, like you won’t be waiting awake till mom comes home. Sure, dad. ‘– Ben rolled his eyes and Rey chuckled, then tried to mask it off with a light cough.

‘I didn’t hear ya son. My hearing isn’t the same as it use’ to be. Whatever, I hope you had a great day though.’

‘Yes, it was amazing dad. I’ll show you what I got tomorrow.’ – Rey jumped up and down excitedly.

‘Okay, little angel, you better. Good night for you two. Don’t stay up too late.’ – he said and kissed Rey’s head.

They both bid him goodnight, snatched a couple slice of pizza and some water from the fridge then went upstairs. Ben carried her bags in one hand going straight to her room. He suggested that they should shower first and since they had just one bathroom on the upper floor, he politely offered Rey to go first. He put all the bags down near her wardrobe.

Tomorrow she really should pack out and organize things just as mother told her to.

For now, she grabbed her towel and slippers hastily. She showered record fast and got herself wrapped in the same fluffy towel. Hmm, still like a warm hug. It didn’t even occurred to her that it would be more appropriate of she brought her pajamas with her as well.

Her pajamas were also new – mother purchased them for her today-, so they were still in one of the bags. Forgotten.

Going back to her room she was immediately met by Ben’s lingering gaze on her skin. He was seated on her bed with his hands in his lap. He was so big, that her not-that-small bed looked like a child’s version in comparison.

His gaze roamed over her in an odd, but not uncomfortable way. Must be that it was the second time she was in a towel and not something more presentable outfit parading before him. ‘Umm, I’m ready, it’s yours now. Sorry, presenting you my towel appears to be my thing now.’ – she blushed and lifted her right hand to gesture to her “evening gown”.

He didn’t say anything, just got up carefully, not ruffling her sheets and walked past her slowly. ‘Be back in five’ – he said right into her ear. Or was it just she who felt everything
he said or done so close all the time? Like he was in her soul or something, sharing the same space all the time.

‘Get into your pajamas and we’ll watch a movie. We don’t wanna be lame like dad, do we?’ Then he was gone.

Chapter Text

Her new pajamas were waiting for her in the biggest bag with three other shirts folded under them carefully. A little high-waisted white short paired with a light brown tank top (with the cutest big-eyed little creature she has ever seen looking back at her). She thought that she might’ve seen it before on TV, but she couldn’t place it exactly where. Something with David Attenborough maybe.

After putting it on quickly, she nervously wandered over to the TV facing her neatly made bed, taking up quite a bit of the wall. Just, wow.

Uh, how should she wait for Ben? Maybe switching on the TV for starters.

She didn’t want to munch on the pizza either, not until he returned ( that would be utterly rude), but the huge flat-screen TV seemed like a bigger challenge to navigate than she was capable of just now. They never had those at the orphanage to be honest, just older models with remotes that had a maximum of 10 buttons and not like a hundred this one had. She grabbed it but put it back down almost immediately. How many functions can be stuffed into such a little device anyway?

She backed away from the TV and sat down on the bed, feeling anxious. Oh Rey, it’ll be fine, don’t freak out, he won’t punish you or anything not turning on the TV. So she just flopped her legs onto the bed as well, sitting cross-legged, hugging a little cushion to her.

‘Hey, you look a bit tired, little girl. Exhausted much?’ – Ben was standing in the doorway, his hair a bit wet and messy from the shower, leaning against the doorframe casually. He wore black sweatpants with no shirt on. No. Shirt. On. Rey looked up at him, but the moment she realized he forgot to put a shirt on, she blushed and looked down, embarrassed. She was not supposed to see boys without shirts, brother or not. She knew that. It was one of the things they first learned at the orphanage. But Ben didn’t seem to be bothered by the lack of shirt, nor made an attempt at finding one as he made his way to get the remote, then plopped down beside her.

When he touched her knee for a sec to get her attention, she realized how zoned out she must have looked. Just answer his question, Rey.

‘Oh, no-no, it was one of the best days of my life, Ben. And I love everything we got. Can’t thank you enough.’ – she smiled up at him and awkwardly leaned in to hug him by reflex. Then realized her mistake instantly.

‘Oh, I-I’m sorry. I know I’m not allowed to touch boys – she hastily spit out-, I’m just so glad I have you.’

Ben was a bit tense at first while she hugged him she could tell, and Rey definitely had a moment of regret.

Maybe he didn’t enjoy their day as much or was offended by her touching him. The Matron never really did explain what was the reason behind the no touching rule. Probably it would’ve been explained later on this year, but with the adoption she was out before that could’ve happened. Maybe later. Probably in school they’ll mention it.

But Ben slowly put his arms around her finally and engulfed her in his warm embrace. It felt so reassuring. Nice. Perfect.

‘Hey, what are you talking about? You can definitely touch me. But NO touching other boys, you’re way too young for that.’ – she could feel his hand coming up to caress her hair and giving it a tuck at the last sentence.

The buns mom made were now just a gentler reminder how nice things usually never stay too long with you. She really hoped her family won’t become one of those things. His fingers brushing over her locks found the stuck-in hairbands and pulled them out as gently as he could. ‘Sis’ – he said on that deep voice of his, ‘your hair looks kinda like a nest now.’ – he chuckled. ‘But a cute nest, don’t worry. Could even do with a lot messier’

She looked offended for a second out of pretended hurt, but then laughed with him. ‘Hey!’ – she hit his arm playfully. It felt so good to being able to laugh with someone. She didn’t even know how long she wanted to have a connection to someone to enjoy a shared laugh.  Not as awful when you were the one who got laughed at. Just less stress simply, like not wanting to cut your wrist less.

‘So how would you like your pizza? Cold… or cold?’ – He smiled and Rey couldn’t help but nuzzle into his chest a bit more. How could not touching be good for anybody, she wondered.

‘Cold it is then’ He grabbed the pizzas from the desk and placed each one onto Rey’s lap. ‘Come on, sis, me and these pizzas are really eager to start this night. Remote?’

Rey pointed at it laying abandoned on her desk from her earlier undecidedness which button to use (he didn’t have to know about that), then she carefully leaned back into the backrest. But this time really trying not to evade his personal space any further. She didn’t want him to think about her as clingy or annoying.

It was really hard to resist since it felt natural being near him. He didn’t seem to notice her slight unease though, just settled down beside her, pulling one of the plates onto his lap as well.

He chose some recently came out movie on Netflix. Wow, she heard that it had many movies and series and you can choose whichever you’d like basically anytime, but it still surprised her nonetheless. She wanted to browse a little and see what they’ve got, but Ben didn’t ask her or offer. He picked something and with that simple move tucked Rey closer to him, to his broad shoulders and still uncovered torso and abdomen.

The pizza almost landed on her sheets, but fortunately she had great reflexes. Clearly doing sports since little was life-saver sometimes, because she could imagine mother’s reaction to the ruined sheets. Not going there. Was she that unforgiving with dad’s wine stains as well?

Anyway, xercise clearly did Ben good too. So many muscle were not just from genetics.

‘I really like your new pajamas sis, feels very soft.’ – He said after they finished their late dinner and put his hand on her shorts, then rested it on her barely short-covered left thigh. ‘Very soft’ – she blushed a bit at that. How many times can a girl blush without being a tomato?

He gently pulled Rey between his legs after putting the plates aside, so now her back was to his chest, her head still not reaching his chin even while sitting. Sadly, they wasn’t sharing the same genetics. Or not sadly. Being petite had it’s own perks, sometimes. Not in the orphanage though.

‘I think this way is more comfortable. It was a long ass day. Feels nice to just relax.’

His hands was now on her upper arms, stroking her skin with slight up and down movements.

‘Hmm, you smell so nice, baby, like strawberries and vanilla.’ He never called her baby before. The affection in his voice told Rey that he was really comfortable now, she could feel his mouth near her pulse point on her neck. Rey closed her eyes, trying to conserve the moment and the compliment.

‘Oh, it’s just the body wash mom gave me. Comes in a cute cupcake-shape with pump. And you smell nice too.’ – the last sentence she said unsurely, not wanting to confess how much his sudden closeness affected her. Was he supposed to have this much effect on her?

She was surrounded by her brother’s whole presence, his masculine scent lingering in the air and his hands slowly moving to the hem of her top now and kept going upward. He placed his left hand on her lower abdomen, then slightly grazing upwards toward her tummy, dragging her tiny top with the movement. She opened her eyes at the sensation of his long fingers caressing her bare skin.

‘Um, Ben, I don’t think... you shouldn’t…’ – he paused and turned her head to face him so suddenly it hurt a little, at least compared to his earlier ministrations. She wondered if this was how all brothers cared for their sisters, with such gentleness and vehemence at the same time. Maybe he just got carried away. He must be exhausted. She was too. What time was it anyway?

She just didn’t think he should be touching her like that. Under her shirt, that is. In her mind siblings don’t do things like that. But with how much darker his eyes got at her uneasiness, maybe she thought wrong.

‘What were you going to say, sister? You don’t like being touched by me, is it?’ – his touch felt more like a heavy weight pressing down on her now, sinking into her soul, filling her up with awful, new kind of dread. No. No. No. What did she do? He sounded mad and disappointed.

‘I’m really tired after all the shit at school and buying all those stuff for you’ – his speaking became slower, and each word felt like a stab to Rey’s heart.

‘Ben, please, I didn’t mean anything, I just… with your hand… I-I..’ – she couldn’t even say the words she thought. They felt horrible on her tongue, like “hey I just thought that you shouldn’t touch me?” How stupid that sounded. He was her brother for God’s sake.

‘Please, I’m sorry. I’m sorry.’ – she felt tears welling up in her eyes. The next thing she knew is that Ben moved behind her, now both his muscled arms were around her small midsection, tugging her closer to him even more. She could feel his heartbeat and the heat radiating off of him seemed blazing now.

‘Shhh, baby, I forgive you. I know I can be a bit.. impulsive when it comes to family business. Now you’re part of my family. You just don’t know how to fully be a part of it yet, but I’ll help. You’re not alone anymore.’ – he kissed her neck then laid more little pecks lining the side of her neck right alongside her carotid artery.

‘Whatever crap they fed you in that hellhole of a place, it’s not what defines you. You have to let it go, all the rules and bullshit they told you. Let it all die. We’re your family now and I am your brother. Just listen to me and everything will be alright, baby.’

She turned her head to the side to give him better access to her neck. Everything.

Everything he said, about the past, was true. So much was buried deep within her soul that it was hard to distinguish between what was wrong and what was right. But as she felt his teeth graze her delicate skin and his hand roam over her abdomen, she knew that Ben will do anything to make sure she knows she has a family now.

‘Enough of the crying Rey. Just stop. We should rest.’ – his hand was on her neck now, his  palm covering almost all of it.

‘Let me take care of you. You have so much to learn.’ – then he stood up from behind her, and Rey felt a sudden urge of dread at his absence. Was he going to leave her? Was this such a huge mistake? She was such a failure.

With her eyes still watery and a bit puffy, she glanced up at him with clear fear in her eyes. His hair looked disheveled, and he must have sensed it because he ran his fingers through it. To tame it, even if just for a while since his unruly locks often moved at their own volition.

‘You are truly a miracle from God. I knew it when I first saw you. We were meant to be together Rey. Two lonely souls finding each other.’ – he squatted down beside her bed, so she turned facing him laying on her side. He touched her hand and kissed it tenderly.

‘Let’s create our own rules. First one: you can touch me, and I can touch you. It’s only natural. Okay?’ – she nodded eagerly, and his hold tightened around her slender fingers. His eyes narrowed and Rey rushed to emphasis her agreement in words too. Huhh, better.

‘And rule two: We slept apart for far too long not to share a bed when we’re finally together. Yours is just a pretty little gem I got for the sake of mother, but we’ll be sleeping in mine from tomorrow on. For now, this’ll just have to do.’ – he stood up and lifted Rey up with him like she weighed nothing, positioning her on the bed after lifting her ivy-patterned sheets up, covering her. He scooted over and buried his face into the nape of her neck. His hand claiming its rightful place on her hip, making small circles under her shirt. Skin touching skin.

Rey’s earlier tears remained on her cheek with a few unshed one in her eyes accompany them. Neither she nor he made any effort to remove them. They were only natural.

Chapter Text

There were never birds around the orphanage, so Rey felt a bit disorientated when she opened her eyes and could not only hear them chirp outside but see a tiny sparrow on the window still from her bed. Hmm, unusual. He eyed her surroundings and even tapped on the glass with what seemed like excitement to Rey. Curious little thing, she thought, probably just wants to get away from the cold and seep up some heat.

Maybe she should let him inside. Just for a couple of minutes. The Matron didn’t have to know about it.  

But as she made up her sleepy mind about letting him in after a few more seconds in the cozy, warm bed and made to remove her blanket, strong arms wrapped around her midsection. Securing her, pulling her backwards until she felt a warm chest coming in contact with her back.

She was not alone. Some of the older boys must have seek into her teeny room at night after the nightly rounds. That was the first idea that came to her mind. Why do they always have to be cruel to the younger ones and just never let them be? She was one of their favorite target.

Tears came to her eyes and she couldn’t do anything apart from muttering a few “Please, please don’ts”, like she always did. She weakly tried to reach out and grab something on her nightstand to at least try and get away from the beating that followed every encounter.

Wait. She did not have a nightstand. And the wall she could clearly see in front of her now was definitely not the ancient peeling white ones at the orphanage. She froze. Where was she? The writhing intensified. What did they do to her now? No. No. No. Don’t want this.

‘Rey, Rey, it’s just me. Ben. What the fuck are you doin’? Calm down’ - His voice. His arms. Everything that happened yesterday came rushing back to her at his words. It was Ben. Her brother. This was not a trick.

Her struggles ceased almost instantly. Ben’s arms were still on her abdomen, engulfing her completely and he sighed into her neck when he felt her relax and slug back into him.

‘Hey, hey, it’s okay. You’re not alone. You had a nightmare, baby?’

Rey’s memory started to clear up with the seconds ticking by, his breathing pattern taking control over hers as well. She tried to simply mimic his. Ben. In. Out. In. Out.

They ate dinner together and watched a movie. Right. He told her the most important rules she must remember. Right. She remembered now.

Most likely they fell asleep together after that, she concluded with all her now restored functioning neurons. Her legs were in-between his and his left arm moved up slowly to rub her shoulders now. She was very bony, she knew that mom knew that, but fortunately he wasn’t affected by it. Just waiting for her to recover from this weird shock. How could she forget that she had a family now and was not in the orphanage anymore. She was at home. It must’ve been just because of the new bed and sleeping arrangements.

‘Oh,I- I’m sorry Ben. I-I p-panicked. I forgot where I was for a moment and assumed that some of the older boys…’ – she tilted her tear-straked head upwards and met his mesmerizing eyes with her red and puffy one, or at least she assumed that’s what they must’ve looked like with all the tears from this panic attack-thing and from the night before.

But those enthralling orbits looked more enraged now. She gave him a small smile in reassurance, not wanting him to worry about her or her past. He rose on one elbow with a sudden movement, and Rey noticed that his broad chest was still not covered. Oh.

‘Baby, listen to me. You’re here now and no one, I mean no one can take you from me. The little fuckers who terrorized you can’t reach you here. Did they beat you? I’ll fuck ‘em up even worse if I got my hands on them .’ – and his anger was gone replaced by a smile with his dimples showing. Wow, she hadn’t seen him smile like this, not once since they knew each other. ‘I-They were not that b…’ – she started but Ben put a finger to her mouth, not wanting her to excuse their behavior.

She touched his hand with her still slightly trembling ones. He grabbed it and placed a gentle kiss on her skin at the dorsal aspect of her hand, then her knuckles and finally the tip of her fingers. ‘Let the past die, Rey. The future is so much more interesting. It’s ours, and that’s what matters.’

He nuzzled his nose once more into her neck and laid small kisses along her jugular. She chuckled as his breath tickled every single part of her skin and probably her blood cells too. It felt so good to know he cared about her wellbeing.

He said between kisses: ‘Do NOT try to get away from me again, Rey. Not even in bed. I’m the one who supposed to protect you, remember? I thought we already established that last night.’ -  he was now fully towering over her smaller frame with her completely laying on her back, his gaze not leaving hers, not blinking.

‘Ben, I’m really grateful. I’m just… It’s just still so new to me, and sometimes I still think I’m in a dream and this isn’t real.’ – she attempted to lift one of her hands to touch his pat his cheek, but he somehow positioned himself so it was futile on her part to even try.

‘Well ’ – Ben said while trailing a finger over her collarbone and down between her top-covered small breasts to her tummy then back up again like he was not only caressing her but the big-eyed little fluff ball printed on her pajama top too.

‘You’ll get used to it, sis.  Already told you that we’ll be sharing a bed from now on. I won’t fuckin’ allow my baby sister to sleep alone ever again. Not with these memories you have’ – his whole being emanated pure, untamed anger now. Not toward her, of course, more like he was disappointed in himself not being there by her side when she was younger and vulnerable.

‘I know, Ben, I know. T-Thank you. I’ll try harder to be the perfect sister. The sister you deserve. This won’t happen again. Promise.’ – the bird from earlier chirped loud outside and Rey’s concerned gaze moved in his direction. She completely forgot about him. Poor thing. But is was not too l…

‘Hey, look at me when I talk to you. Perfect sister hmm? I like how that sounds. ‘Course you’ll be the perfect sister.’ – palm grabbing her throat and forcing her to look up at him. His scrutiny never leaving her flushed face. His long fingers on her throat moved slowly in and out following an imaginary horizontal line, reminding Rey of how dad liked to touch mom when they thought she wasn’t paying attention. Affectionate. Demanding.

‘Now that we’ve established that, I think we have a couple of minutes before mother comes and ruins this peaceful mornin’. Cuddling a bit ’ – his hand pressed into her throat now, not painfully, but she didn’t really want him to squeeze any further regardless. He was strong, so strong, not even realizing it sometimes. Not unthinkable when you have arms like Ben’s, just takes time to get used to.

She quickly shook her head yes even though it was not a question. Even if it was how could she say no? Speaking was always hard, and harder while choking. Plus Ben really liked to be touched no matter how rough he seemed on the outside. She knew that he would do everything for her and just wanted some closeness in return. These rules he told her about, the sleeping arrangement, everything he did was to make her feel more comfortable in her new life. She was not the brightest girl of all time, but at least she knew that.

~

‘Rey, sweety, it’s time to wake up. I don’t want you to be late for your first day of school.’ – mother’s voice sounded from downstairs, a bit muted by the distance, but clear. Ben murmured something under his nose but lifted himself off of her, albeit a bit reluctantly. When he was standing, his full height seemed like it could fill the room all on it’s own, at least from Rey’s laying point of view it was the first thing that came to her mind as she looked up at him. Well, if you don’t count his shirtlessness. He had just a tiny amount of sweat glistening on his broad chest and between his abdominal muscles.

But she had no time for further musings since Ben quickly pulled her up into a bear hug, hoisting her in his arms like she weighed nothing.

She felt the tension from earlier leave her body instantaneously. How good it felt to be in his embrace. Like nothing could harm her while she was there with him. Rey wondered if this was how her life could’ve been if she had her parents and Ben far sooner.

When he released her after a minute or so later, he softly pulled the left strap of her top down and kissed her shoulder.

Rey looked down at his hair. So messy from sleeping. She wondered why he chose to wear it this way. Longer. It was not what she saw on other guys his age. None the less, she thought it suited him and she liked touching it. Even now.

‘Already miss you, baby. You taste like heaven’– he toyed with the strap. A bit up then down again as he lifted his head to meet her eyes and licked his lips. ‘Wear your new hoodie. And Rey…, don’t let anyone bother you.’ – the strap remained down. His hand came to rest on her bare shoulder.

Although he was still there with her and his words and caresses were meant to be encouraging, she could feel a slight panic starting to rise. Yeah, the new life came with new challenges. Like high school kids who were probably all really close by now and here she was, the perfect outcast. The adopted little girl. The one no one wanted.

Ben could sense her new-found despair because the moment these thoughts surfaced, his arms were all around her again and she clung to him unaware of how permanent scratch marks her nails were going to leave on his skin. Neither were those his firsts, nor did he cared about the slight discomfort.

He was so kind – she thought for the millions time since they first met.

Mom’s second warning came from downstairs at that moment. ‘Rey, sweety, if you don’t answer right now, I’m going upstairs. Don’t make your old mother’s life even more complicated!’

Ben released her almost instantly and replied before she could even open her mouth just a millimeter wide. ‘Mom don’t work yourself up. She’ll be down in five!’

He pressed a quick kiss onto her forehead cupping her face in his big hands at one second, the next he was  already out the door. He had school too and the same mom, so better hurry, Rey knew that. Why couldn’t her past just leave her be? Maybe Ben was right, she should just let it “die”. Maybe not die, that sounded way too aggressive for Rey. More like quieten or something.

~

After a real quick shower, brushing her teeth and changing into a pair of jeans and a lavender colored shirt she picked out herself, she was ready to head down. She packed her bag in record time too. After Ben left, she looked out the window to see if the little bird was still there, but no, he was nowhere in sight. She hoped it was not that cold as she initially thought, and the small sparrow will survive. They were tough souls, they had to be.

Survival, hmm. That was on her list too.

She hurriedly slipped into her worn white pumas and grabbed her bag from the chair. The black hoodie was pushed on top of the pencil case beside all the notebooks. She galloped down the stairs into the kitchen with a big smile, bag in hand.

She can do this. Finding a family was definitely harder than dealing with kids and managing school stuff. And she was not someone who would ever give up, not until she tried her hardest.

‘Hi Mom, Dad. Good mornin’! Are those pancakes?’- on the oven she could see a pan with dad pouring some dough mixture into it. Were those blueberries beside him? Hmm, sweet heaven. And the smell was indescribable. Dad was a very talented cook if he had the energy to do so. He was the type of person who excelled at everything, very intelligent and strong-willed. He was the sheriff after all. A role model for everyone in town. Maybe if anyone bothered her she could just ask him to speak with the parents or something like that.

She rose on her tiptoes and peeked over his shoulders to confirm what he was preparing. Yep. Pancakes. With blueberries.

‘Oh, be careful kid. No touching these till they’re ready. Back down!’ – Dad said while turning the pancakes over with a confident flip of her hand. ‘Could you prepare the plates, Reybee?’ – he turned a ninety-degree to face her. ‘Oh look at ya, what a nice little lady we’ve got here’ – he winked. ‘I see all the shopping was worth it’

Rey blushed at his compliment meanwhile rising on her calves to reach for the plates in the cupboard on her right.

But a hand got there before her, and she instantly felt Ben’s toned body pressing slightly to her back. This closeness of theirs first bothered her, but after he helped her through a lot already, she saw it as only natural, mainly because she didn’t want him to think her ungrateful or cold.

‘Careful, little lady, let me help. I don’t want you to cut your hand if you accidentally let these slip’ – Ben’s deep voice said softly directly to her right ear, and she shuddered a bit. The feeling that she basically came from nothing, felt like nothing in her entire life and here they were with Ben acting all caring, it meant everything to Rey. Everything.

‘Thank you. But hey, I can handle a couple of plates.’ – she said joyously, though a bit quietly, especially the last part. He still heard it.

‘Can you, sis? What do you think mom?’ – he glanced at their mother who was watching the whole scene with a strange gleam in her eyes, all the while turning the page in the newspaper in front of her. Mom was such an oldie, not a big fan of laptops and online news, or even TV. Rey adored her for it. She lived in the real world, not sucked into technology.

‘He’s right sweety. Han, you should’ve grabbed them. We will put the basic utensils in the lower cabinets, so you can reach ‘em without trouble.’- mom said whilst pouring some coffee into her black mug that read “Best mom of the world”. Oh, minus one Christmas present, Rey thought. Ben was ages ahead her, definitely.

‘Okay, okay. Everything here is your old man’s fault. Ouch. Moving on. Who wants some pancakes?’ -Dad said lifting up his spatula smiling, a dishcloth casually draped over his shoulder. ‘Ben, get the syrup and a beer if you’re already there. It’ll be another long-ass day. Those dealers never take break’

‘Dad, isn’t it too early to drink? And isn’t it prohibited to drink while you’re at work?’ – Rey asked when dad put two perfect pancakes before her. Not loudly or anything, just curious.

‘Haha, very funny kid. A couple of drinks won’t hurt your old man, not in the mornin’ not any other time. I write the rules, you know. That’s how it works here.’ – he patted her head and Ben handed him the beer without question. Lucky it was just a few beer here and there. Or wine.

Oh, okay. How cool is that you can write rules when you’re an adult. She just had to live by them until she got older and can write her owns.

~

They all set down to eat breakfast and chatted about the upcoming day. Felt nice not to rush first thing in the morning, even though it cost them to wake up really early. Didn’t matter. It was worse every second. And Rey liked to get up early, nothing new. She used to wake up at 4 am.

Mother was going to have a challenging day ahead of her in the ER today. Like that was anything new, Rey knew how hard she worked for them and for the patients too. She spoke about that old guy she mentioned, how he was getting worse despite their best efforts. He was some kind of millionaire apparently, with no one who would visit him. Extremely sad. She didn’t wish that on anybody. Mom agreed of course, saying that having no one for you there on your last days was probably one of the worst things in the world. One of many bad things.

When they were finished Rey offered to wash up the dishes like she did at the orphanage every other day, but her parents said she didn’t have to, besides there were not much time left to get to school on time.

Ben offered to take her on his way to the university, and she gladly accepted. They both received a kiss on the forehead from mom. Even dad got one, which Rey thought funny and cute at the same time. When she and Ben turned to leave, she could see from the corner of her eye dad grabbing mom by the nape of her neck and kissing her on the mouth maybe a bit too forcefully. They were still not that old. And alcohol tended to make men stronger.

Rey almost forgot to put on her hoodie, but Ben already held it out for her at the door. Hmm, how did he know where did she put it? She zipped up her bag.

Maybe he can read minds, she concluded jokingly as she followed him out. Or just going through her bag. Sadly that’s not a superpower.

The car that parked in front was a sight straight out of an action movie. Black, like every little surface, even the windows were tinted black. And based on its size it had to be Ben’s, his height needed it probably anyway. Wow. Scary but cool.

He opened the door for Rey and even clicked her seatbelt in place when she clumsily took her seat at the front passenger seat.

‘Wow, Ben, are you sure this is your car and not an FBI agent’s? I would totally understand if it were.’

He laughed, a real honest laugh so she could see his teeth and those dimples. It really suited him when he showed how sweet he can be under all these layers of black, including his car. With his usual black clothing, black shirt with a black jacket on and black jeans, he completely ruled over the black leather seats. Not blending in, rather standing out. Darker than black if that was possible.

He placed his right hand onto her thigh while he started the engine. She noticed he always needed to somehow be able to reach her, to have her nearby. Good thing they had phones. Although she doubted that it would be enough of a replacement for physical contact. She’ll miss him for sure.

He gently squeezed and said to her: ‘Don’t be nervous Rey, it’ll be fine. If not, and somebody bothers you, just call me, and I’ll make sure they never breath again’ – he said without hesitation and she wondered if he was exaggerating or not. Must be.

‘Thanks Ben, but I don’t think that would be necessary.’ – she put her hand on top of his as she laughed lightly.

So caring and protective. Like a real brother. Her real brother.

Chapter Text

School was not something Rey had much experience with. At the orphanage they studied in small groups, and even then they were not really allowed to speak to one another. She usually just kept her head low and tried to pay attention to the material. Being brought there from a small village no one there heard of before made her a social pariah among the others right away. She was really afraid of speak not wanting to say something they might thought stupid.

It didn’t matter, because on the rare occasions she tried, they always shunned her away anyway.

What mattered was that early on she realized people were not easy to comprehend, their gestures and motives were always so confusing that she gave up understanding them a long time ago. Rey learned it pretty soon that you can only disappoint people and if you do, you wish you were forgotten or simply remained lost. Pretty simple.

And now, standing in the brightly lit hall of her new school, she felt maybe she should have remained lost. Although her family wanted her to be here, she was still really scared.

Her classes were all situated in the right wing of the old building according to her schedule mom selected for her. She took the first tentative step alongside with a deep calming breath, then slowly followed more steps.

There were already a few students lingering in front of the classroom where her first class was supposed to be held, and that filled her with more anxiety. She deliberately stood a bit to the side, not wanting to draw any attention to herself or get in the way of anyone. The hallway was littered with lockers, so it was not an easy task, but she managed to find a spot near a dingy looking trophy cabinet. She wondered why it looked like that since it was full of the football teams cups, the majority even must have been won recently just by looking at the dates and how shiny they appeared. Maybe the school was not managing great when it came to bills. Sad, but understandable, since it was a huge building.

The state of the windows and the heavy layer of dust that coated the windowsills and the small corner she was hiding all were proof of that. She liked observing objects, so much easier than facing people. But as she felt herself being swept away by her musings about how upset (and a little mad) mother would be if she saw this.  She quickly reminded herself that mom won’t be happy at all if she knew she was not trying hard enough to fit in. Heads up Rey.

A small girl was standing a few feet away from her. Rey guessed she wasn’t a big fan of crowds either by how hunched up her posture was. Great, not great great but at least a common point. She was dressed in a very conservative way: a long beige skirt which reached her ankles, hiking boots and a purple turtleneck. She hadn’t seen a girl in a maxi skirt like ever, cool. She wore her hair in two braids reaching her shoulders and black cat-eye glasses, which were probably the most recent in-fashion items she owned. If they were still in fashion- Rey thought-, she really gave up on media stuff when it felt too overbearing to withstand a couple of years ago. Expectations.  

She twirled a pencil nervously between her fingers and stood a bit awkwardly to the side like her. Looked a bit frightened of the day too, even though this probably wasn’t her first day here. It was after all November now.

She seemed like a nice person, she reminded Rey of Paige, a little girl she fabricated a small dollhouse at the orphanage. With that memory in mind and with she hoped seemed like a friendly (and not at all nervous) smile she stepped closer to her. Just be brave.

‘Hey, I’m Rey. This is my first day here.’ – she said and extended her slightly sweaty hand, only shaking a little during the act.

‘Oh, uh, H-Hi, I’m Rose.’ – the girl smiled weakly up at her after she adjusted her glasses and shook her hand. With a little hesitation but not lacking enthusiasm.

‘Nice to meet you, Rose. I like your skirt.’ Rose nervously run a hand down at the waistline of it acting like she was not entirely sure if what she just heard was true or not.

‘Uh, thanks. A-Are you going to be in Mr. Calrissien’s class?’ – she asked looking behind her at the opened classroom door, and Rey nodded after a quick glance at her schedule. She put in on top of the pile of books she carried just to be sure she ended up in the right room after all the wandering.

‘Yeah’ - she was really into Math, so this class should be fun. And now she had a potential friend. Or at least something akin to that.

More students were making their way toward the classroom now as they spoke, and she noticed Rose’s earlier anxiousness returning. She really must hate social interactions just as much as she did. Well, not hate, just not completely comfortable with it would be a better term.

When Rose immediately darted to the far end of the room, Rey was a bit surprised. She followed Rose to the back, nonetheless, not wanting to lose a potential friend just yet, her earlier plan to sit at the front momentarily forgotten. Didn’t matter, not like it was a huge class with rows and rows on tow and had twenty-five seats at most or so. Sound won’t get lost.

‘Can I sit with you? ‘- asked her when she managed to catch up with her. Rose’s eyes widened for a fraction when she noticed that Rey followed her. Rey instantly felt bad that she was basically forcing herself on her but felt so out of place that having this teeny connection to another person gave her hope.

Rose looked around (Rey had no idea why), but after a second, she nodded. ‘Of course, if-if you want to. I’m not very interesting, though.’ – she added that last sentence effortlessly as if she introduced herself like this all the time.

‘Oh, don’t be silly. I’d love to.’

~

When Rey (and the remainder of the class) was finally seated, the teacher arrived and took his place at the front. Mr. Calrissien was an old man with kind eyes and a very funny looking sweatshirt on. Looked like it was meant to a knitted scarf but whoever made it thought better of it and made that instead. But it looked like he really liked it. Assumably a gift. How adorable.

The first five minute of class went by smoothly, but then the door burst open with a sudden force and a brown-haired guy strode in, seemingly unaffected by the fact that the lesson had already started.

‘Well Mr. Dameron, I’m glad you decided to join us for today. I hope it’s not a major inconvenience we started without you.’ – said Mr. Calrissien sarcastically, definitely intended as a scolding but nothing too serious.

‘No problem sir, go on.’ – the guy said rudely as he made his way leisurely to one of the desk in the back, letter jacket on smugly, only stopping for a minute winking… at Rey?. She didn’t understand why. They haven’t even met before. Uh, weird.

‘Well now that all of you are here, I’d like to introduce our new student. Rey, darling, come here. Tell us something about you.’ – Rey was taken aback for a moment, she thought this wouldn’t be necessary and Mr. Calrissien had simply dismissed the thought he had a new student. Clearly, she was wrong.

She stood up reluctantly and with trembling hands leaning on the desk for a moment of support then made her way to the front, fidgeting with the hem of her hoodie to try to slow down her heartbeats. Ben. Just think of him and how calm he would be in a situation like this. No big deal.

She stood stiffly while her teacher put a hand on her shoulder and told her to go on.

‘Um, hi, I’m Rey. Rey Solo. I’m the adopted (she thought might be better if she put that out first so there would be no questions later on) daughter of Han and Leia Solo. I-I have a brother. I just moved here.’ – she looked sideways to the teacher if that was sufficient enough for introduction, but he motioned for her to go on. More. ‘My brother’s called Ben. My mom is the head nurse at the hospital and dad is a police officer. (She didn’t want to refer to him as the sheriff so openly, but probably everybody already knew that fact without her emphasizing it) I like books and playing boardgames.’

She really wanted the others to like her, but maybe being an orphan would make her an outcast. Or being the sheriff’s daughter. In her old town, officers were not the most liked people, though she knew probably it wasn’t the case here, since as far as dad let on he was pretty liked among the community.

The class was silent after her little monologue, and she wondered if she said the wrong things somehow. At least she could see Rose with an encouraging little smile at the back.

‘Sooo good to have you here little Solo. What’s it like to have the sheriff as your papa? Curfew at 7 and all?’ – the late guy asked out loud, and the others burst out laughing. There were maybe 20 or so students in her class as far as she could tell from where she stood, all looking at her now flustered face, waiting for a response.

‘Don’t be like that, Poe.’ – said a girl beside him. She had blonde hair and wore a burgundy top that really accentuated her cleavage.  She added quietly after that so that the teacher undoubtedly did not hear her, but Rey could: ‘She’s probably not even let out of her room. Look at her. Wrapped up in men’s clothes. They only got her to have a maid.’ – the girl said while running her manicured nails over the guy’s arm. Rey looked down at her hoodie but didn’t understand what she meant. It was a new one. With the little heart. Perfect. Just like Ben.

‘That’s enough, class. Manners’ – Mr. Calrissien said behind her and he motioned for her to get back to her seat. ‘Thank you, Rey. I hope you’ll like it here. Mr. Dameron was just kidding.’

‘Alright, back to the material’ – he said at last and turned to clean the board, already dismissing what went down. Not like it hurt Rey’s feelings or anything.

She hurriedly took her seat beside Rose and tried to concentrate on what the man was saying. It was hard. Rose clasped her left hand in her small one on the table, only for a moment, but it meant a lot. She hurriedly pulled it back though.

Not like they throw things at her. She had curfew at 8.

~

After maybe three or four lessons went by the same manner, with some teachers asking her where exactly she came from and if she knew who her “real’ parents were, she felt more and more uncomfortable and on edge. She didn’t like to speak about her old life and it felt weird that people referred to Han and Leia like they were not her parents or less important than the ones who gave life to her. She really wanted them to be real for her and wanted others to see them in the same light as she was seeing them. Her birth parents passed away way before she could have mustered up any kind of memory about them, not then, not now unfortunately.

Rose seemed to understand her feelings a little more than the others, or was just more empathetic. A few classmates of theirs threw some very nasty comments her way about how s could she earned her place in a respectable family like Solo sheriff’s being a hopeless little orphan. They said something about her grew up in a brothel rather than an orphanage, but she quickly zoned out on the guy who said it two rows in front of her (a lanky boy who wore his T-shirt inside out and a large earphone around her neck even though it was clearly against school rules to use them). How could they say those things?

After the last ring, Rose kindly suggested that they should grab their lunches quickly and maybe even go to the park after they were finished today. Not for long, because homework but still. She seemed genuinely interested to get to know Rey and she didn’t mind her being an orphan. Well, not like she was an orphan anymore. Didn’t matter what some people thought or how they acted, Rey knew in the end of the day she’ll be home and listening to mom and dad bickering playfully, while she and Ben were upstairs.

Now as the girls were seated at a table in the cafeteria, fortunately not in the center of the student body, Rey felt perhaps sitting there wasn’t the best idea no matter how off-to-the-side they were. Rose didn’t seem to be in her element either, but it was too cold outside to just search for an abandoned bench or something. And eating and walking was not exactly a perfect combo, not with a tray and plates anyway.

Many people were chattering around them while they ate, laughing, not leaving one table unoccupied in the spacious cafeteria. White walls, still so much color and movement. Some were sneaking glances her way and Rey immediately started to feel very conscious about herself, zoning out or not. Being the new girl always brought unwanted attention, she knew that. She knew but knowing and actually experiencing the prying eyes were two different things. When she reluctantly admitted to herself that she was just picking on her salad for the umpteenth time, and Rose looked at her sympathetically, it was time to move on. People tend to be curious, so what?

Rose was also quiet, but she really was a kindred spirit if she still remained beside her no matter the consequences. Clearly, she was not a fan of this unwanted attention directed toward their lonely table either.

‘Um Rose, thanks for not leaving me sitting here all by myself. Let’s pretend we are completely not bothered by it. Soo, have you lived here your entire life?’ – her cheeks became a little pinkish like she didn’t actually think Rey or anyone for that matter could be interested in her life. She swallowed a spoonful of soup nervously.

‘Oh, actually, we moved here last year. My parents are originally from South Korea, my dad is an engineer, and he got a job here he, we couldn’t afford to say no to. Mom was heartbroken to leave at first, but she recovered after a few months being here.  Not that Jakku isn’t nice or anything, but it was completely new for us to speak English all the time, and Jakku is a lot bigger city than where we used to live actually.’

‘Oh, that must’ve been hard. But you speak really fluently so I imagine you learnt the language from when you were young.’

‘Yes, fortunately, that was never my biggest fear though. But being in a foreign country, trying to fit in a new school… I- I’m not good at it. Sometimes I feel like my grandma would be better off with my classmates than me. She’s a fiery amazon compared to me’ – she laughed but Rey could see the sorrow in her eyes behind those glasses. She wanted to fit in just like Rey did.

‘Rose, hey’ – she said and grabbed her hand which was grasping her half empty Sprite with more force than intended. ‘Do you have anyone you can talk to at school? Please tell me you were not sentenced to social Siberia just because you’re not from around here originally. I’m glad we met.‘

‘I have Finn, but he isn’t here this week. He got his leg broken last week. C-Car accident. So I’m alone for the most part if I’m not at the hospital visiting. I hope he gets better soon.’ – Oh. Pain likes to knock at everyone’s door.

‘I’m sure he’s…’ – Rey was about to say, but she felt a hand on her shoulder, then felt someone taking the empty seat beside hers. Guess not empty anymore.

‘Hi girls, how ya doin’ ’ – said a voice slightly familiar. As she glanced to her side, she recognized the guy from their first class. Dameron. Poe maybe? Not the most polite person in the world but he seemed nice enough to acknowledge her presence earlier at least and maybe wanted to… well she didn’t know what he wanted.

Was he a friend of Rose’s?

‘Yeah, what’s up new girl? And are you still sobbing about that idiot Finn smashing his own legs, Rosey? Deserved what he got, if you ask me.’ – another guy plopped himself down at their table, beside Rose this time. He had red hair and prominent cheekbones to go with it. Rey remembered him being in their second class, his name Armitage. Both wearing the football teams logo on their jackets.

Armitage placed his arm over Rose’s shoulder, tugging her closer to him, other elbow resting on the table casually. He was eying Poe and Rey now as they were sitting directly across from each other now.

Rey looked at Rose a bit dumbfounded at how the guy acted with her, but she averted her eyes and tried to concentrate harder on her slice of pizza, posture tenser. Hmm, it looks she’s a lot more extroverted than Rey thought if she has this many friends. Armitage even took a bite of her pizza.

‘Um, I’m great, thank you. Poe, is it?’

‘Yepp, that’s moa. So, do you like here so far? I noticed you hadn’t manage to score many friends yet, but I’m gladly offering my company. A pretty girl like you shouldn’t waste her time studying too much or other bullshit like that. We offer our services, right Hux? He has a soft spot for Rose here, you see. I say we should all be friends’ – he didn’t even see her studying yet, she thought, how would he know? And what does he mean by that? Soft spot?

‘I, uh, s-sure, if Rose doesn’t mind. Sorry, she just hasn’t mentioned you yet, that’s all’ – she glanced at Rose, who didn’t make any move to disengage herself from Hux’s arm though. Certainly more friends than just Finn.

‘I-‘ Rose started to say, but Hux interrupted whatever she was going to say.

‘Oh, she hasn’t? Well, not like you knew her more than a couple of hours. Rose just likes acting all shy.’ – was all he said and Rose remained silent.

Um, odd, but Rey decided she would ask her about Hux a bit later, maybe tomorrow. Were they dating?

She noticed that a few more faces turned their way now thanks to the new arrivals but acted as if nothing had changed. Maybe the talk was more hushed than before.

The rest of the lunch period went by Poe taking control of the conversation, mainly speaking about football. He was the captain of the football team apparently, wide-receiver for about a year now, and was very passionate about it for sure. He proclaimed that this year they were definitely going to win the championship. Two years in a row. He seemed like someone who could do anything he really put his effort into.

‘Do you like football, Rey-Rey?’ – he asked about 10 minutes already spent on the topic. Hux and Rose were just listening mostly, with him giving Rose a gentle squeeze from time to time. He was quite tall compared to her small frame even sitting.

‘I’m not really familiar with football, Poe. It always seemed too aggressive for me, even watching it makes me feel anxious.’

‘Ahh, come on. Chicks love football. Come to the game on Friday and you’ll see.’ – she was not really into watching guys basically beat each other up over a ball, but she agreed, albeit a bit hesitantly. Poe could talk a hole into your stomach.

Don’t be antisocial Rey- she chided herself. Friends. On the first day.

‘Your brother could bring you, anyway. Ben’s our part-time coach, you know.’

Oh, she remembered that mom mentioned Ben doing something occasionally for the school, vaguely remembering something about coaching. At least he’ll be there, maybe it wasn’t a bad idea to go in the end. She got to watch Ben working and have new friends. All at the same time. She wondered if Ben played when he was younger. He sure had the build for it.

‘After the game party at mine! It’ll be fun, right man?’ – he asked glancing at the other boy while dipping his fries into a generous amount of ketchup.

‘Sure will be, Dameron. Rosey would love to go too, don’t you darlin’?’ – he eased his arm up from her shoulder but grabbed her left hand in his much bigger palm immediately, as if he didn’t want to let her go just yet. Was he her boyfriend? Rey wanted to ask, but that would’ve been really impolite.

‘Uh, my parents wouldn’t let…’ – Rose started almost soundlessly, and Hux shifted a little closer to her and turned himself even more so that now Rose were forced to look up at him. He was very tall really. ‘I mean… I’d love to go, … with Rey and her brother.’

Hux whispered something into her ear Rey couldn’t hear while not letting her hand go.

‘Cool, was nice to get to know ya babe. See ya around.’ – said Poe standing up, after he shoveled the last bite of fries into his mouth. He tugged the sleaves of his white-blue letter jacket to his elbows effortlessly then grabbed the tray in one hand.

‘Let’s go Hux, practice is in 10. Those bunch of pussies wouldn’t even know how to grab the ball without us’

Hux followed soon after, leaving Rose (with a kiss on her forehead) and Rey behind.

She had a lot to tell when at home. Ben will be so happy to know she made friends.

Chapter Text

The strange encounter with the two boys at lunch left her wondering about Rose and what was really going on with her. She wanted to confront her newfound friend and ask because she and Hux seemed close, she just had this feeling maybe something wasn’t right. But they hadn’t known each other long enough and prying into someone’s life was not nice on her part.

She knew that first-hand (if this day was any indication). Didn’t matter since as soon as the guys left for practice Rose left hurriedly muttering some apologies and something about Chemistry tutoring with a first year.

So, Rey was left alone once again.

She made her way to the parking lot after carefully avoiding the eyes of the other students still munching on the remainders of their meals. At least she tried. The same burgundy-wearing girl from earlier loud-whispered to her friends as she was brushing past their table: ‘Look what an eager little whore we got, already on her way to tackle the whole football team.’ Uh, looking up would definitely be a mistake. Instead, she tried to look unfazed by her statement observing the pattern of the tiles while she went (with just a hint of tears trying to make their ways to her conjunctiva) and keeping out the not-so-subtle scoffs that followed provided by her table companions.

Oh, how she loved doors. The doors of the cafeteria were big and seemed really inviting all of a sudden. Also, the painting appeared to be in a desperate need of remaking, but she appreciated what she could get by pulling on them with all her strength and leaving all the mockery behind. Heavy wooden door met her heavy heart.

When outside, she plopped herself down on the nearest curb folding herself into a sitting tight ball  and took a deep breath. Or many. Who counts?

There weren’t many students out there by the time she got to the parking lot, probably the last ones remaining students were those mean girls still inside. It was most likely too cold to sit there though, but it felt good to let herself relax a bit, closing her eyes for a minute and let those threatening tears run. She just wanted to go home and hug someone. Mom, dad, Ben. They will make her feel better, make this go away.

The moment she felt someone approaching her crouching form she glanced up with red, puffy eyes and was immediately met by Ben’s concerned, dark gaze. He was standing right in front of her now in all his 6 feet and couple inches. Oh, right, he was supposed to pick her up. She forgot to send a message at what time she would be finished, so he must have guessed it.

‘What the fuck is going on here??’ – Rey didn’t even notice when he pulled up, his car was so silent, just like his steps. But she felt his presence as always (maybe not right away because of the crying, but still), and with his hands grabbing her upper arm and yanking her up from the cold concrete, she felt him even more. All his rage merely contained.

Sniffing and burying her nose into his chest, she just wanted to be held by him and not word anything about what happened today. She knew it was childish since those were just mean words. Nothing serious or true. Not true. And Rose really seemed nice.

‘Rey, look at me, baby. Who da fuck made you cry?’ – his fingers were gently forcing her to look up into his eyes. She never saw him this upset before. Was it all because of her? She felt miserable but she didn’t for a second wish for Ben to share an ounce of this emotional turmoil.

‘I-I’m fine, Ben. It was just a bit overwhelming first day. G-Got a few remarks. I thought I was strong enough to handle it without c-cryin’. But everything will be fine really. Don’t worry.’

The abandoned parking lot was not exactly the best place to have a full on conversation, and now the wind caught up to them, (hauling a bunch of soda and energy drink cans on the concrete towards the trees on the far end) making Rey shiver in Ben’s arms. His very tense arms that were still not letting her move, clutching her to his black, coat-covered chest felt like iron-clad bars. Perhaps the “don’t worry” wasn’t convincing enough.

Also she hoped her tears won’t leave permanent stains on his immaculate coat.

‘Sister, don’t you fuckin’ dare defendin’ them. When I ask you, you answer like a good little sister. Is that clear?’ –  as he said those words harshly, she immediately knew she made a mistake by trying to stay silent. Ben really cared about her and just wanted to comfort her. His tone was enough of an indication of that, as he emphasized already a handful of times how badly he wanted her to fit into the family. She won’t allow to disappoint him.

She nodded, shaking her head so vehemently she accidentally made Ben to tighten his hold, giving her jaw a demonstration of his physical strength. ‘Ben, you…’ – she started.

‘We’ll see if you understand. I’ll make sure those shitheads understand it too. You    are    a Solo   now. Now get in the car, won’t let you catch a cold.’ – perhaps first in what seemed like long minutes he let her out of his firm grip. Rey hurriedly rightened her disheveled looking hoodie, rubbing her elbow and upper arm a little where his hold lingered earlier. Ben always forgot how strong he was.

‘We’ll discuss this further later along with some other important things, sis.’ – he said in a dismissing tone as he made his way towards the car, but from the way he brushed his fingers through his dark hair and throw a last spiteful look at the school building, Rey knew the topic was far from dismissed.

When she climbed into her normal seat, her bag carefully positioned between her knees, (eyes still puffy and kind of itchy from tears), Ben kindly handed her a Kleenex from the glove compartment. Basically, it was a huge box filled with lots of colorful little bottles. Rey hadn’t seen it before. Cool, he and mom had the same hobby.

‘Those tears are better be gone by the time we arrive, unless you want mom to throw a fit.’

Oh, she hadn’t thought about that. Telling her parents what happened probably was not a good idea since they were so respectable people in the community. They sure wouldn’t be happy about her embarrassing them in any way, even she technically didn’t do anything wrong apart from being born.

Maybe her parents could help her somehow since dad was basically the police in town. If he could just speak to her classmates. Yeah, right… Why couldn’t she be born as their own? When Rey was little, she pretended all the time she was invisible. She loved it, it worked so well most of the time. Like a superpower. Sadly, she knew now that it was not her superpower, rather was the high-level ignorance the others had back then. She wished it were the same with her school mates. She didn’t even dare think again about the things they said. She didn’t understand everything because after the “maid comment”, she really really tried to mute all other opinions.

She wiped her eyes maybe a bit too forcefully while Ben secured her into the seat moving over her to click the seatbelt in place. The only thing that gave her real comfort after all this was Ben’s hand on her thigh, signaling that she was not ignored anymore.

The watch he wore indicated it was really time to go home.

~

When they arrived, their dad was already there opening the door using his usual sixth sense he likes to joke about, with a big smile on his face. His stubble more prominent than before, emphasizing that now he had two kids, so it was time to accept his grey hairs in public – his words.

‘Wow, kid. First day already over. My daughter officially a high schooler. I should prepare the bigger guns, just in case.’ – Han cheerfully commented as he closed the door behind them and settled all the locks in place. Safety was number one priority in his eyes. That’s why Ben always made sure she had the seatbelt on too. Like father, like son. You just had to grow up with your parents by your side to become like them, easy enough.

Dad wanted to hear everything about her first day, but Ben reminded him that it would be best if they talked about it at dinner since mom was not home yet, and Rey was tired. Telling a story two times was very tiring and ‘Dad, we all know you hate hearing the same stuff twice’. – he said.

‘Dad, you want me to get your beer?’ – he was still in his uniform so he must have been gone all day and just came home minutes before she and Ben arrived. Rey liked to feel wanted and so little things to make her parent’s life easier.

‘Oo she knows her daddy real well by now, doesn’t she?’ – Han said to Ben who stood a few feet behind them, already halfway to the staircase. Rey knew how much stress dad endured during his work and how much he liked those “adult drinks”. Not as much as he loved mother, but close second definitely. Sometimes first.

Ben smiled at her for the first time after the disastrous afternoon.

‘ ’course she does Dad. Rey is part of our family now she has to know things aaand learn what she doesn’t know yet.’ –she moved to the fridge (her heart doing a little flip in her ribcage at his kind words) and grabbed dad’s favorite beer from the top shelf. She was afraid that she would knock the bottles up because of her still troubled mindset, but fortunately they were not just thrown in there randomly. Well not like dad arranged them that way, but mom was meticulous with everything, even with things she wasn’t the biggest fan.

She handed the cold drink to dad with a little smile, hoping she did everything alright so far and he couldn’t spot a single remaining tear in the corner of her eyes.

‘Thanks sunshine. You’re the absolute best. I mean after Bud Light, sorry.’ – he said, patting her head with his free hand. Oh, he forgot to take the baton off, Rey noticed, as he moved.

‘Up with you two now. Get ready for dinner and story-time if Leia arrives. Can’t wait, sunshine.’ – he said after he gulped half of the bottle down. Well, not like he didn’t stand alcohol. He was man after all. She wondered if Ben liked it too, it had a bitter smell to it. Definitely not apple juice. But dad liked it, and Rey liked it, because drinking made him even funnier. She didn’t know about the other times though.  

She smiled and hugged his big body. His uniform felt really scrubby on her face.

‘Ben, make sure you two will be ready on time. No funny business until after dinner, you know your mother.’

‘Yeah, sure thing.’

Rey was the one going first, Ben following close behind, with her packed bag in his hand. Rey insisted she can carry it, but he was not hearing it.

He put her bag in her chair once upstairs. Rey wanted to peel off all the clothes that clung to her body mainly because they evoke images from this awful day no matter how hard she tried to suppress them.

She selected some yoga pants and a comfy top to go with it from her newly organized wardrobe. Luckily, their heat system seemed to work a thousand times better than the ones in the orphanage, so she didn’t have to wear a singlet or a bra underneath it, just had to get rid of the one she wore to school. She liked the ones mom got her, but to be honest she was not in a desperate need of bras.

Since Ben surprisingly followed her into her room, she obviously can’t change there with him standing behind her. It would sound rude to ask him to leave her room or to turn around. She simply decided to go to the bathroom to change, but he stood right in front of her when she turned from the opened wardrobe with all the chosen items in hand.

He take them from her hands and put them on the edge of her bed. Rey didn’t understand it first, wasn’t it what dad ask? To get ready to dinner on time. She thought those clothes would be okay and really wanted to change out of the ones she still had on.  

‘You look a little tired, sis. Let me help you.’ – he said and with one confident move he proceeded to slide her hoodie over her head. Her shirt was next in line which he removed  even more hastily. Now she was just in her jeans and white lacey bralette with Ben’s hands on her upper arms, making small up-and-down motions. Then his right hand moved down on her back till he reached the clasp of her bra.

Rey’s breath was caught in her throat from the moment his present was removed, she felt nothing else moving in the room, definitely not herself, not even hearing the sparrow from earlier poking with his little beak on the glass. Just Ben’s hand on her skin unclasping her bra.

Her small breasts were now on full display in front of her brother. She instinctively lifted her hands to cover herself up, the reflexive movement helping her to come to her senses. Was this normal between brothers and sisters? Was she supposed to allow him to see her half-naked? Were they going to be late for dinner because of it? She didn’t hear mom coming home yet.

‘You are truly beautiful, Rey. Do not hide from me, not ever. You belong to me.’ – he grabbed her much smaller hands in his, moving them behind her back, twisting them into an unnatural angle.

‘I told you, you have to learn a few more things.’

‘I-Is this n-necessary? I don’t feel c-comfortable, without…’ – he was pressing her wrists a little too forcefully into each other, pinning them down and together. She could feel her forearm bones come in contact with her spine. Bone meeting bone.

‘I am your brother, Rey. You are clearly not familiar with all the customs, but I’ll teach you. Being comfortable not always required, but tell me why exactly are you feelin’ uncomfortable? ’ – he smiled and brought one of his hands up to her face, tapping a long finger to her nose, running said finger over her left cheekbone and finally settling on her lips. His touch felt somehow wrong, but that was not the answer he was looking for.

‘I-I’m sorry. It’s just that I’ve never… had a brother, b-before, and..’ – his finger stilled on her lips, right where they met, drawing a line horizontally like he was smearing something on them, stopping her midsentence.

‘That was   your   past. Just let go of it.’ – his voice became harsher, louder at that last sentence to the point that his grip on her wrists became unbearably painful. Even with just one hand exerting the force it was quite remarkable. But wincing would’ve made him even more disappointed, so she bit her tongue to prevent the sound. Making him disappointed (constantly) by her lack of knowledge was embarrassing enough, she didn’t need to make matters worse.

Nod. Nod. Nod.

Ben eased up after she felt her tongue go numb, her head hurt from all the tilting, and a bitter taste in her mouth numbing all the above (not anything serious, just a bit of blood). He caressed her shoulders, her collarbones, and clasped one of her nipples in between his fingers. She flinched but stayed still. New things to learn. You learn throughout your whole life – that’s what everyone says.

‘Good girl. Now the jeans.’ – she immediately complied, without any hesitation, so her slender legs were now visible. As she bent down, she noticed a purple bruise already forming on her upper arm. She wondered when she got it. Was it there from the moment he grabbed her at the parking lot, or formed just now? She hoped Ben was more careful with the sheer power he had when he touched others. After all, not everyone was family.

She crossed her legs in front of the other self-consciously, trying to hide how her kneecaps stood out awkwardly and the white panties on display. Jeans did a better job at hiding those, and she didn’t understand why Ben wanted to see her body? Probably because they sure missed those obligatory childhood memories with the shared baths and all.

Ben moved, backing her with the weight of his body, pressing his sister’s small frame back onto the bed, her hands constrained to her side. She looked away, not daring to meet Ben’s eyes in this still weird position.

However, he clearly wanted her to look at him. His hand returned to her jaw and roamed lower to her neck, persuading her to look at him. She always forgot when she was nervous that not looking at Ben made him upset. She knew that being ignored felt worse than most things in the world, but sometimes just cannot help her silly reflex movements, muscles contracting mindlessly. Luckily, Ben was patient with her. It just hurt sometimes.

‘Rey, look at me. I need you to  see   me. This will be our first real night together. But first, I need you to tell me what happened today. You can tell me anything. You should.‘

‘Ben, it h-hurts, please. I’ll tell you everything, I love you, just.. your h-hand.’ – her voice came out more like a hoarse whisper. She felt tears forming in the corner of her eyes again but tried not to cry. Why would she? Because Ben cared about her? Ben just wanted to be with her, not hurt her, he was just too Herculean sometimes. His eyes softened for a fraction of a moment, but his grip not matching his intentions tightened.

‘Just tell me, NOW. I need to know.’ – she decided then (with her brain really missing those sweet oxygen molecules) that it would be best if she just told him all, from the moment she met Rose, Mr. Calrissien’s class and the remarks, to the invitation from Poe and his friend (leaving out Hux and Rose’s…whatever). He listened, letting her to drank in that precious oxygen she so wanted.

His face, that beautiful nose of his was so close, like he wanted to partake in every little moment in her life, sharing the bad moments and the air as well.

After she was finished with her retelling of the events, he turned into a very erratic version of his and the hold tightened once again around her throat, his body pressing even more into her basically naked body. It was becoming increasingly hard to breathe.

He roamed his gaze over her tear-streaked face. Tears. Ohhh, she failed again. Always a crybaby, she was.

‘You are not allowed to go near Dameron again. He won’t come near you. No game either’ – he kissed her forehead taking his time, then   finally   released his hold on her throat.

‘Ben, son, your mother called, she has to stay the night at the hospital. Something with that old bat Palpatine came up, he’s dying or whatever. Made some lasagna, serve yourself kids. I’m off to the sick bay to check up on Leia.’ – Rey heard the fridge shut close then soon after followed the entrance. Dad didn’t even wait for an answer apparently. Hated to let mom alone for too long.

‘Dad’s always the dutiful husband. Well, even better, we have the whole house to ourselves.  Time for us to become really close, what da ya say sis?’ – she felt sullen. She much rather spent time with her family over dinner. She rather liked her comfort zone.

‘I chose you Rey, and you chose me, remember?’ – Ben said reminding her that she must leave the afore-mentioned sanctuary. She didn’t understand what he was talking about (she had no choice in her adoption whatsoever, and as far as she knew, it was mostly mom who wanted a daughter), but nodded anyway and even kissed his cheek softly, reassuringly. He was the one who can give her air after all.

Furthermore, maybe Ben had a bad day too responsible for his distressed mood, so she hoped at least now that they were becoming real, she can try to make it go away.

A smile so wide she hadn’t seen on him before took over his earlier wrath, and she instantly relaxed under him, her heartbeat decreasing slowly but steadily back to normal.

His forehead came to rest on hers and whispered soothingly: ‘Rey, that’s not how you kiss your brother, though nice try. You kiss me   on    my     mouth   from now on. Go on, baby. Show me how much you love to be my sister’

In all her life she has only seen couples kiss each other on the mouth’ or occasionally small children giving a peck here and there to their parents (she witnessed those through envious eyes on the playground near the orphanage when they were allowed going out, once in a while). She felt herself blush. Was Ben sure this was something they should do as siblings?

He seemed so sure, even lifted himself up a bit more on his forearms to give Rey space make the first move. His eyes urging her to initiate.

Lifting her head hesitantly just a tad higher, then higher, she shyly gave him a teeny peck on the mouth, hoping she did it right. Giving her “first kiss” to his brother seemed a bit odd at first, but soon she forgot all about the unsettling feeling in her stomach when he took charge and basically ravished her lips. She had no idea what she was supposed to do, so she just let him do whatever he wanted.

He really wanted her to open her mouth if his tongue forceful prying was any indication. Uh, okay.

His hands were moving from her waist upwards leaving a trail of goosebumps behind on her skin. Not much time had passed until they found her breasts and grabbed ahold of them, covering them completely. She could feel the callouses on the inside of his palms, and her nipples hardening to the almost aggressive? handling. He was making real strange noises. Was he in pain? Did she do something wrong?

‘That’s it, Rey, show me what a good sister you are. Hmm, sweet little lips all swollen for me.’ – now he was panting, rising from the bed and discarding his pants leaving him in just in underpants. Standing over her lying frame.

Oh, she hoped that he would at some point notice how unfair it was that she was not wearing any clothes apart from her thin white panties, and really wanted to cover herself up. The fact that now he was half-naked too somehow didn’t make her feel better though.

Rey could see bulging in his underpants (which were just as pitch black as the pant he discarded mere seconds ago), making her blush even harder. She had seen what boys have down there compared to girls, but his seemed much larger and quite a bit more intimidating in a covered state too. She didn’t want to see it, really didn’t.

Thankfully, it was dark enough in the room to cover up her obvious imperfections too, along with her freckles and her quite disheveled hair. But that pale skin of hers must have gloved like a headlight because he can’t seem to pull his gaze away from her slightly trembling form.

‘Ben, I… I really don’t know what… to do. I’m not sure if…’ -She looked sideways with the aim of avoiding his penetrating stare. Oh God.

Ben was not answering. Why wasn’t he answering?

When he finally did, Rey felt so relieved just to hear his voice.

‘Rey, you always want to make me happy, don’t you?’

Peering up at him from under her lashes she knew that she really had to get herself together. Failing her most important goal in life was not an option. Why was she so reluctant about this? Nothing wrong was happening. Ben just wanted to spend time with her. She should be grateful for it. Her heart knew that.

Ben came closer just as she made up her mind, lingering like a enormous shadow over her bed.

‘ ‘Cause I’d like nothing more than seeing you happy baby. And   I   know    you want to make me happy too. Kneel down beside the bed. ‘ –Making Ben happy. Weird why that required kneeling but okay. Not like she knew many things before being adopted. Even using the dishwasher was new to her, so much that when mom showed her after their first dinner, she almost broke a glass plate putting it in in a wrong angle. Being afraid of new things just ruined everything. Learning about them made a huge difference.

She kneeled.

‘So obedient. See, there’s nothing to be afraid of. Just tryin’ to take care of ya, baby. Give me your hand.’

He asked but by the time the last syllable left his mouth her hand was already resting between his fingers yanking her up. And moved it just as fast to his abdomen, making Rey to trail her delicate fingers over his hard muscles, then up to where his heart was beating a steady rhythm.

‘Oh, I can feel your heartbeats, Ben.’ – Rey said in an awed voice. He squeezed her hands to his chest now, leaning over, resting his chin on the top of her head.

‘When I first saw you at that shit-hole Rey, I knew that you were always meant to be mine. My heart knew that, so when you finally came home with us, with me, it finally started beating again. When I first touched your hand back there, I knew you belonged with me.’ – Rey didn’t know what to say to his revelation. She said a million and one thank you’s already. She just listened to his heartbeats, inhaling his unique, masculine scent along with those oh-so-well appreciated other air molecules that were really on a mission to test her tolerance today.

‘I know I can be demanding sometimes but know that everything I do is because you mean so much to me. Just… don’t push me away ever again.’ – he kissed her forehead.

‘Kneel.’

Chapter Text

‘Kneel.’

Rey obeyed his request immediately, looking up at him with big, teary eyes as she lowered herself onto her knees. Unfortunately, she was met by the cold floor instead of the soft fuzzy carpet mom picked out. Sadly it wasn’t covering much surface no matter how cute she found it.

She was very conscious about all the dried-up tears on her cheeks and the dull ache radiating from her neck. Not to mention how confusing this whole situation was starting to become.

Of course, Ben was really kind to her since the beginning, but when he forgot the sheer strength he possessed Rey didn’t know how to let him know. Without him thinking she was pushing him away anyway.

That was literally the last thing on earth she wanted to do. He already meant so much to her, even with his unusual request. Her knight watching over her.

She knew it sounded silly, just a little girl’s daydreaming (she was sure her school mates would call it that or worse). Well not like she’d tell them anyway. She won’t tell them anything, not after today, not even Rose. She had Hux to speak to apparently.

Rey shifted on the floor, her knees scraping on the newly renovated wooden tiles, just enough to feel it radiating to her hip, nothing worrisome.

Ben was looking down at her with his trademark dark gaze, brushing her last teardrops out of the way, like he sensed her unease and was trying to comfort her.

The whole position still felt kind of weird. Normally her standing height at least reached Ben’s torso when she hugged him or just stood beside him, but now she barely reached his upper thighs. She wondered why he remained standing if she had to kneel. Should she ask?

Ben’s other hand was firm on her right shoulder, so her squirming was short-lived, along with her train of thoughts.

‘I don’t like when you cry, baby. Makes me sad. But… I think these are just tears of joy, right?’

He touched one of his long fingers onto her lips with the hand already there, making her taste her own tears in the process. Guess it wasn’t all dried up yet. Although Rey wasn’t entirely sure if they were from happiness as he put it. Probably just a physical reaction she couldn’t control. Pressure on the neck can cause unintentional reactions, that was for sure. And mean comments didn’t help either.

She nodded anyway. Ben wanted them to be happy tears. Ben gets what he wants.

His determination rivaled Dad’s, something she picked up on early when she met them for the first time. He inherited not just his looks (apart from the eyes - which clearly were pure replicas of mom’s), but most of his mannerisms too. Except Dad’s silly jokes, being a responsible cop had to be balanced somehow. Ben was responsible without the jokes.

His finger lingered on her lips, almost like a shushing gesture. He wasn’t really asking, he normally wasn’t. He was bigger on small gestures and statements.

‘I was thinking about us. You know I’ve always been kinda content with being an only child. Video games and books.  But when dad told me they wanted to adopt, I got really upset. They’re always busy with work and stuff, and I thought with a new kid around they wouldn’t even remember I exist.’ – So much bitterness in his words. Rey just wanted to hug him even though it hurt to hear any of this. He sharing his feelings seemed more intimate. He trusted her?

Ben slid his fingers down from her lips to her throat (He seemed to be really fascinated by it Rey noted and tried not to wince. Uh still tender.) while he moved, standing behind her now. Rey tried to turn in his direction, but he pushed on her shoulder with his left hand applying a gentle force.

‘Imagine how surprised I was when Dad told me I could pick out my new sister. He really just wanted mom to have the daughter she’s always wanted after all the miscarriages to fuss over, he hates when she’s not home, but anyway, he allowed me to choose. I waited for so long and then you were there.’ – her heart fluttered at his words and from the corner of her eyes she could see how his body language changed when he shared all this with her.

‘Ben, I’m h-here now. T-Thank you for choosing me. I’ll be always here for you, I promise. C-can I hug you please?’ – she formed the question uneasily as his hand was making lazy strokes along her neck. Not that it didn’t feel good, but she started to actively feel her knees growing weaker and weaker from all the kneeling. Is she could just stand up or at least scoot over onto the rug.

‘Hmm, I can think of a better way how you can thank me, sis.’ – At one moment he was still behind her, the next he was towering over her once again. Her breath caught up in her throat for the teeniest of seconds he let go of her. Not only was he powerfully built, he possessed impressive speed. Guess playing football at high school required a lot of skills that won’t just go away once you graduate. Rey felt so small and clumsy in comparison. She hoped he was not re-thinking his “choice” when he looked at her awkwardness.

‘Open those pretty lips of yours, baby.’

Quick topic change.

Ben didn’t give her too much time to dwell on that thought though. He grabbed her sister’s jaw, hold tightening, pulling on her lower lip to indicate what he wanted Rey to do. He can be demanding sometimes. Nothing serious, but if he could at least warn her or something.

But the next thing he did made Rey real uncomfortable and that said something since she’s been kneeling on the wooden floor for at least 10 minutes or so now, chills running up her body, hands at her side tensely. The room was warms and Ben’s touches felt warm, but she was just in her panties. Not much to protect her from the cold.

She wanted nothing more than to cover up her half-nakedness.

Ben also discarded his shirt, but that was pretty common for him, so he must not feel the drop in temperature. He wore long sweatpants for home, today wasn’t an exception either. However his pants seemed tighter, especially on the front.

She recalled the Matron’s words she repeated from time to time religiously, carefully emphasizing every syllable every time. What lies between your legs isn’t something that was meant to be seen by anyone until you’re old enough. For some reason it made all the boys to want to show their thing off more and more, whatever chance they got. But they were older. Luckily Rey learned to shield her eyes in time, afraid of what the Matron would say if she didn’t. Was she old enough now?

Rey quickly averted her eyes this time just to be sure, not wanting to relive those embarrassing times and feeling like she was still not old enough. She hated those boys. She hated to hide because she was too small and quiet to kick them out.

But it was Ben being here with her not those bullies. He wouldn’t humiliate her the way they did back then. He wouldn’t. And she wasn’t quiet, she got more confident with her family.

‘Rey, look. at. me.    Haven’t I made myself clear? My shy little sister, how adorable.’ – the first part came out probably louder than he intended.

It’s Ben. Ben.

She glanced up, but what awaited her was far more than she ever caught a glimpse before. She wanted to turn her head, but Ben’s hand was back on her shoulder. Uh knees.

‘What a wonderful listener. Now, I think there’s one thing I’d love to try since you’re so eager today. All the talk with Dameron must’ve been tiring, let’s not give your mouth a rest just yet.’

He didn’t have to say anything more for Rey to know what he wanted. She knew. She’s seen it before. Little Paige.

She touched his manhood with slightly trembling fingers, agonizingly aware of the pain in her knees and how her nipples hardened from the cold. Ben can be demanding sometimes.

It was so big her small palm only could reach around maybe two third of it or so. Was Ben disappointed? She hoped not, but she sniffled because of her inability in yet another important matter. She didn’t have the courage to look up again and confirm her fear. She should be able to service him. Try harder.

Why was she a failure already?

Ben let out a muffled sound as her hand curled around his member. An angry looking vein throbbed at the side of it, continuing it’s way in a straight line to the base. It looked nothing like what girls had. How could they walk around all day with that?

‘Uhh, you’re doin’ good, sis.  So soft, fuck. Perfect.’ – he guided her uncertain movements with a gentle voice. He stroked the back of her neck affectionately and soon Rey found her head being pulled closer. She looked up at him, but he chose to ignore her silent pleading expression and thrusted his cock forward until it brushed her chapped lips. Not letting her rest, he said. Did Ben think she let Poe do this to her? Was this to make sure she won’t?

He smiled down at her and Rey relaxed instantly. She couldn’t have done anything considerably wrong if he smiled like that. She adored the dimples that formed when he smiled, though it was a fairly rare occurrence. She felt special when Ben smiled at her.  

‘Your mouth is meant to take ME.  Open up baby. It’s okay if it won’t fit yet.’ – oh, okay. He thought she did perfect. She let him push the tip inside, still not a hundred percent sure if it was supposed to be in her mouth, but okay.

He was much wider than what her mouth could accommodate though and felt sticky too. Gross. The taste wasn’t much better either. Salty. Bitter.

She drew her head back as far as his hand let her: ‘I’m sorry, Ben, I- I don’t think… you’re… too…big. C-Can’t, um, can’t we just watch a movie instead? This is weird.’ She reached to wipe her mouth.

His smile gone, followed by a tense silence.

The next thing she knew he grabbed her wrist mid-air and she no longer felt the floor under her bruised knees. Being thrown onto the bed by his elemental force was an experience she’d rather not go through again. Her white ivy-patterned sheets and the small mattress shook under the impact.

He was on top of her now, thighs straddling her small waist, pants and boxers fully discarded in a pile near her long-forgotten bra. Speed indeed. She was alone in her room with her naked older brother and she only had her panties on. She couldn’t stop the quiet voice in the back of her mind telling her that this was wrong somehow. She placed her hands on Ben’s chest. Maybe they should stop.

Ben chuckled. ‘You really like to play, baby sis. There’s nothing to worry about, we’ll make it fit. Promise.’

He covered her hands with his, and nonchalantly put them back one by one so they rested by her side. If those ivy leaves were real embroidered into her sheets, could weave themselves around her small wrists and make her less nervous. She just cannot help fidgeting. We’ll make it fit. 

‘So what did we learn so far?’ – Ben asked casually, patiently waiting for her to stop. Stop.

Rey bit her lips unwittingly, her face going from pink to a deeper shade of red. She felt like a bad child. He moved closer and threw one of her small pink pillows out of his way. It landed a few feet away but was so light it didn’t make any ominous sound.

Rey learned a lot of things throughout her short life. She kept learning.

Obediently she opened up for him and tried harder to relax her jaw muscles this time. Just needed more focus and less anxiousness. The urge to gag was worse in this position, but she fought it. Learn and fight. Fight then learn.

It’s Ben. It’s Ben. – the mantra echoing in her mind on repeat. All she could think about was how pleasing this must be for him. How much he wanted her to learn. His eyes slipped shut and his lips curled in a pleased half-smirk. His entire body tensed and was shaking after a few more thrusts.

After the initial uncertainty Rey managed to take more of him. He never let go of her hair so that helped, his cock insistently pushing even further down her throat.

It hurt. And she couldn’t take him all the way of course. Another disappointment caused by her.

Rey didn’t know what she was supposed to do with the thick, hot fluid in her mouth after he finished with one last hard assault, so she looked up for instructions. She just had to cough a few first. Green pattern mixed with white on her sheets.

Ben helped her to sit up and lean onto the headboard for support. She grabbed the other small pillow before it could fell down and squeezed it to herself tightly. Somehow it felt good to have it in front of her.

He was caressing her cheek now, pulling down on her lower lip with his thumb just like before. The only difference was that now her lips were not dry but wet from all his semen. A small amount of fluid dropped onto her breast running down between them and the pink pillow. Mom will be angry with all the mess. Oh God.

‘I’m so proud of you, Rey. Swallow the rest.’

She would do anything to get Ben to not be angry at her. She compelled her paralyzed pharyngeal muscles to cooperate. Once she accidentally drank bleach. This felt kind of the same.

After he was satisfied (she could see it in his eyes, now definitely void of any earlier wrath) he positioned himself so he could rest his head on her lap. That pillow finally ended up on the floor not far away from it’s twin. Her lanky thighs couldn’t be that great of a substitute, but he seemed content. At the most ease Rey’s ever seen him.

Ben murmured in a raspy voice how much he loved her, how lucky he was to find her, how good she was to him. Perfect.

She was confused. She wasn’t feeling perfect.

Rey decided running her fingers through his dark locks were the best reply she could give him. They looked much darker now, especially compared to the pale skin of her legs. Her throat still felt sore, so she remained silent.

He kissed the side of her thigh and pulled her closer.

Guess going to the bathroom to rinse her mouth would have to wait a bit. Ben seemed content.

Chapter Text

The following morning as I came slowly to consciousness with my whole body aching, and even my mouth felt somehow tender. I ran my tongue slowly over the insides to inspect if it really was bruised or my imagination and tired mind played tricks on me. Did I eat too many chips or something? I couldn’t remember. Mom would never let me have junk food for dinner though, so that one was definitely out of question. I shuffled a bit in bed and tried to lift my arms and head, stretching my legs under the warm comforter to fully wake up.

Strong arms sneaked around my waist and I was suddenly pulled back, pressed into a warm, hard chest. Ben.

Everything from the night before came rushing back with an unwanted velocity.

Some mornings it was hard to remember exactly where I was or remember what happened the day before. Ben’s presence surprised me.

Ever since I was a little kid, they told me my mind was “fragile”. At the time I didn’t understand what that meant and why was the Matron so hell-bent on repeating that from time to time when I sat at her office with dangling legs and big eyes, and why was she silent about it when possible adopting parents arrived. Later, when I became older, I learned what that word meant. Sometimes things didn’t like to remain permanently inside my brain cells, opting instead to just come and go as they pleased.

I never get to ask mom and dad if they knew about it when they adopted me. I was too afraid to bring it up, in case they didn’t. Not that important.

Today was one of those mornings. I liked my new home with every fiber of my being but being awoken at a new place was still hard. I wanted to wake up, just go to the bathroom and wash my face with a handful of cold, no, freezing water if it was possible. Water washes away many things and brings out memories, I picked up on that practical knowledge early on in my life.

Ben was with me in bed though, so I didn’t get to do whatever came to my mind first. I just relaxed against his chest. It felt good, really good to be held by him, but something in the back of my mind still kept whispering about if this was appropriate or not. I opened my eyes just a fraction more to run my gaze around the room. Everything seemed fine. I was still in my room. My little pillows were scattered all over the floor and morning light was filtering into the room under the curtains. Hmm, at least I didn’t forget to pull them close this time, although I couldn’t remember getting up and doing so.

But the fact that Ben was indeed behind me was very much occupying my thoughts now. I could feel his hot breath tickling the skin on the nape of my neck, forming goosebumps all the way from the nape to the very roots of my nest of hair. Time to get up, Rey. School day. Or at least I was almost sure it was.

He groaned when I tried once more to liberate myself from his iron grip and didn’t even budge. Ugh.

‘Ben, um, did you sleep here? We… we should get ready for… the day.’ – I asked him with my still sleepy voice, my throat not wanting to comply my intentions, at least not at its full capacity yet. It came out a bit hoarse. Some memories returned.

I couldn’t recall exactly how we got under the covers because the last thing I remembered was how he kissed the side of my thigh and how the hard-wood headboard felt against my back. I wondered how good and bad sensations could mix and morph in one memory, some parts more vivid than others. Probably not long after I fall asleep Ben was kind enough to get me into a fully lying position and decided to stay beside me.

‘You wanted me here yesterday silly. Don’t you remember? We had fun.’ – He sounded sleepy too, his voice sounded deeper than usual.  I frowned, not remembering fully, but he was probably right. I liked being near him, he felt safe and warm, and most of the time I wasn’t left with visible bruises. I was starting to get used to his requests too.

I wiggled myself in his arms so that now I was facing his still uncovered chest, but he didn’t let me out of his embrace so that I could at least look up at his face. No. I was speaking basically into his muscles while his arms made comforting circles on my upper back. Oh.

With the gesture I became aware my bra-less state. Ben really wanted us to get closer. My top must’ve been laying discarded somewhere near the pink puffy pillows or in front of the wardrobe, I was not sure. I moved my hands as unnoticeably as I could in front of me, accidentally brushing his chiseled torso. My hands felt incredibly cold compared to the heat radiating off of Ben.

He dipped his head downwards now and his gaze found mine. His lips were on mine before I could blink, shutting up whatever was on my lips. Effortlessly he moved me under him and placed his large hand on my abdomen, the other resting near my shoulder on the bed. My entire being was focused on his lips, how his tongue moved, causing a little whimper to escape me. He let out a strangled sound. It still felt odd to have someone kiss me on my lips, but Ben seemed so content and if my lips weren’t so bruised, I would’ve enjoyed it more, I told myself.

I loved when I was the one who made him happy though.

‘Remember now, baby?’ – those were the first words that made their way to my foggy brain, under all the layers of uncertainty. I just nodded, and he kept going. I could feel his erection poking between my helpless legs crushed under his much bigger ones, my panties were making contact with the lower half of his boxer shorts.

I shuddered faintly, every cell of my body responding to his touches whether they were soft and caressing as in the beginning or more demanding as they were now. Didn’t matter, both belonged to Ben, just like I did. What we did yesterday, the… oh God, the kneeling, it was a bit uncomfortable for me. New.

I’ll get used to it. He said I needed to learn all the stuff little sisters should know. I’ll learn.

His hand played with one of my stray curls absentmindedly.

‘I’d love to use your little mouth again’ – that was the only warning before I was pressed onto the bed even more by both of his hands. They left a brief pink imprint on my tummy along with the kisses scattered from between my breast to the waistband of my white panties. Out of habit, I tried to cover up my chest, mainly because I hated how my ribs protruded or how my nipples reacted to the lack of blanket or to his kisses.

‘Rey do not dare cover yourself up when you’re with me. Why do you feel the need to hide from me, baby?’ – his eyes changed from cheerful to stormy. I was really afraid of storms all my life.

‘You hurt my feelings…’ – Ben leaned down, his beautiful nose only mere millimeters from my freckled one, but just for a moment before it really grazed mine. I couldn’t help but hold my breath and admire his dilated orbits. So close. His pupils were so large you could easily lose yourself in it if you forgot to blink long enough. I tended to forget.

Only his hand wandering and finally settling on my left hip managed to divide my attention and bring me back from my reverie.

I knew that he waited for my answer.

‘I…I don’t. I’m sorry Ben, I w-wouldn’t hurt you. Never. You mean so much to me, sometimes… sometimes it hurts.’

‘Hmm. Good.’ – he murmured, with the hand squeezing my hipbone.

My whole hip fit into his one hand.

I really needed to eat more. Mom was right. Although her words about Ben liking me the way I was… Should I remain like this? It wasn’t exactly my own choice not to eat enough, with all the limited food choices at the orphanage and all. But I noticed since I had my family, I wasn’t that much of an eater either. My stomach selected that moment to growl, not extremely loud, just enough for Ben to hear.

Ben chuckled.

‘I think this little girl is hungry. Hmm, I wouldn’t dream of starving you any further.’ – with a sudden movement, Ben turned us over, so he was on his back now and I was on top of him. His manhood was poking me. It was a funny feeling. But didn’t he mean we should get breakfast?

‘Rey, scoot a little lower.’ – I did what I was told without hesitation. ‘What a good girl, that’s it. Now get me into your pretty mouth.’ – I knew that he was speaking about his member. I knew since he taught me yesterday, or at least I remembered the pain in my knees. He looked at me under his thick eyelashes, his hair all over my pillow. One strand escaped from his companions, hanging carelessly into his right eye. He didn’t seem to mind. His full attention was on me. The white pillow contrasted his dark locks beautifully with all the ivy twisting in my periphery.

Why did I have to be so anxious all the time?

I reached into his boxers with slightly shaking hands to free his bulging cock (as he referred to it). The word tasted foreign on my tongue, but many things taste foreign so it shouldn’t bother me.

The shaking hands though, they will probably never cease shaking, no matter how many times I did this.

Ben was big, but I doubted the word did him any justice. My vocabulary couldn’t come up with anything that would describe him perfectly. His whole body was pure art. Like a soldier’s from ancient Rome.

I licked him first, just to get acquainted with the taste again. Yep. Salty. I hadn’t had many lollipops or popsicles while growing up, so it wasn’t about I missed the sweetness or anything, it was just an odd experience for me. But not for him. His stare turned more intense as I gathered all my bravery and tried to put as much of him in my mouth as physically possible.

‘Fuck. Perfect. I knew you’d be perfect. More.’

His right hand fisted in my hair, making what remained from my three buns disappear for good, pulling me lower. And lower, just a tad forcefully. I really tried to follow his lead and suppress the urge to gag with all my willpower.

He came into my mouth after thrusts and grunts, and more thrusts on his part. Toward the end I thought I’d faint, but he finished before I could black out, thankfully.

When he let me up, I was very nearly about to spit it all out onto the bedroom floor not thinking about what mom would say at all.  Ben tsked when I turned, coughing, holding my hand before my lips.

‘A-a baby, none of that. Swallow like a good little sister. Don’t make me sad.’ – his tone…

Oh, I forgot that rule. It was rude not to let it remain in me. I could tell it was important to Ben from the way he leaned over me now, his hand caressing my cheek and throat. Tears threatened to break free of my carefully extricated restraint because of the coughing. His touch didn’t help either as it blocked a good portion of my air supply.

Be stronger Rey. Even if this new connection between us would take some time to get used to, Ben was important to me. More than anything. I’d do anything for him, and I knew he would do the same for me. I reached for his hand.

When I finally managed to swallow all his seed and looked up at him through my tear-coated eyelashes, the smile that I received made me feel like everything was worth it. The universe finally gave me something good, I just needed to keep it.

Ben got up to put his pants on and he handed me my top (without my bra). I wondered why he handed me my pajama, since we should probably be well on our way to getting dressed for school. Me more than him probably.

I glanced at the clock on my nightstand and felt instantly relieved. We didn’t slept in, and had at least 45 minutes till we had to leave.

I couldn’t hear voices from downstairs, but that didn’t mean anything. Mom and dad were usually so silent in the mornings, you could hear a pin drop basically. Maybe they preferred to be rowdier during the night, but yesterday they weren’t home, so either way, they must me sleeping in. With how mom was practically summoned to a dying Mr. Palpatine it was a very likely scenario. And Dad couldn’t bear the thought to let her be alone for so long, so he left not much after to check on her.

Did the poor old man survive? Mom was probably exhausted after the events regardless the outcome.

Ben tucked me back under the covers, totally disinterested by my weak protests about getting up.

‘Just 10 minutes. I love waking up to you beside me, baby.’ – I found myself in the same position as I was woken up to, with him behind me, engulfed by his massive arms. At least now he had long pants and I had my spaghetti strap top on. Ben just hated shirts and he made it perfectly clear.

‘Okay, silly. Just let me use the bathroom first.’

He let me use the bathroom, albeit a little reluctantly at first. Ben hated being left alone too. That was one of the many threads connecting us.

I just really had to brush my teeth. And pee.

I had to be quick.

~

‘Hey, my beautiful children, is everyone awake? Can I come in?’ – mom’s voice sounded from outside of my bedroom door, but she didn’t wait for a response, the doorknob already half-turned.

I made a weak attempt at disentangling myself from Ben, but he leisurely held onto our close proximity. I didn’t want mom to catch us in such… closeness.

Ben didn’t even make an attempt at covering himself up when mom entered. Well, it was easy for him since she was the one who gave birth to him. She must’ve seen him half-naked countless times.

As mom stepped inside, her eyes landed on Ben immediately, but her face was not shocked as I imagined it would be, considering that this was not his room. She smiled at him first, then at me as I was pretty much tucked into Ben’s front.

I could make out slight dark circles under her eyes. It shouldn’t be a rare occurrence if your mom spent half of your life as a nurse, so it wasn’t that shocking, but still. Poor mom.

She was a really strong woman though. I’m sure she survived far worse than night shifts. Why wasn’t she in bed resting though?

I couldn’t help but feel a bit underdressed and exposed, regardless of how the sheets blanketed over me, leaving only my collarbones, skinny arms and flushed cheeks out. I pulled the covers tighter around myself. Ben groaned into my neck.

‘Good morning, Mom.’ – I said immediately, not wanting to sound rude and trying to appear calm.

It was so nice of her to check on us this early.

‘Oh, I’m so glad you’d spent time together. Ben, you didn’t let Rey feel alone, did you? I’m so proud of my boy.’ – she was balancing a tray of food in her left hand, and the mouth-watering scent of cinnamon hit my bit sniffy nostrils. So overwhelmingly sweet.

How early did she get up? She didn’t like anything prepacked, so…

‘I made some cinnamon rolls for you, sweethearts. Made it with extra frosting for my little girly here. Would you like some milk with it, Rey? Ben? I know, I know you’re a big boy, no need for your mother asking, but….’ – Ben just chuckled, but sat up none the less, resting his back onto the headrest pulling me with him, covering himself up half-heartedly, well, at least from the waist down. Mother casually laid the tray in his lap and patted his knee, waiting for his answer and looking around the room.

I remembered she asked me too, but Ben answered for the both of us. Meanwhile Mom bent down to pick up the pillows still laying on the floor abandoned, putting them on the chair but didn’t comment on the general disarray the room appeared to be. Maybe she wasn’t angry after all? She despised clumsiness and such.

Her purple tunic was perfectly ironed, not a single wrinkle in sight, as she made her way to the window.

‘No, thank you Mother. Maybe we’ll grab something later on our way. This smells heavenly by the way.’

Mother nodded and smiled at the same time, then turned and pulled the curtains out (hmm Ben must have pulled them close after he tucked me in) to let some more light enter the room. Mom’s silver wedding ring reflected a ray of light as she turned back towards us beaming.

Having breakfast with your half-naked brother in bed on a sunny school day was apparently a very natural thing to do. I don’t know why but I felt like I should tell mom what we did. Just… to make sure I didn’t do anything wrong. Why wasn’t mom saying anything about Ben being here? I was so confused. I clang to the blanket like it was my lifeline. Ben already started eating the roll, with me squeezed to his side by his free hand. I was the one closer to the window, so mom’s gaze settled on me first. I decided it’d be better if I just sat there with downcast eyes.

‘Rey, sweety, is everything alright? Why are you practically rolled up in that blanket? Isn’t the room warm enough?’ – I was so caught up in my uncertainties that I didn’t notice mom appearing right in front of me wearing a slight frown on her face. She was already tugging the coverage I had down, exposing my top and the lack of pajama pants.

I had hurriedly put on the top to cover my small breasts and the slowly forming bruises when Ben handed it to me, and I forgot all about the shorts. I felt really embarrassed.

But again, mom’s face wasn’t giving away any sign that my state was anywhere near inappropriate. She just looked me up and down quickly, then pinched my cheeks. I winced inaudibly. They were even pinker now and not just from what her manicured fingers left behind. Unfortunately, my jaw still hurt a bit from Ben’s caresses.

‘Don’t be childish sweetypie, sit up properly and eat. You’re going to be late for school.’ – she lifted her index finger like the moms on TV. ‘Ben, make sure she eats.’ –   she pushed me into Ben’s side even more if that was possible. He was already finished with half of the pastry. How he managed to not get messy while he was eating was a mystery I won’t ever figure out. Some kind of superpower I guess, one of his many. I managed to force a smile on my face.

‘Fantastic. Hurry up, both of you. You can’t be late.’– I felt mom kissing my forehead lightly, her levander scent taking over the cinnamon for the briefest of moments.

‘I had a tiring evening, sweets, the old man, Mr. Palpatine I told you about, died, he suffered a lot.’ – she sighed, but didn’t go any further into details. She was probably used to losing a patient. It happened. ‘Amylin said that I don’t have to go in today… Your Dad is a real pushover, he is. Han has such authority.’ – she reached up to flatten an imaginary stray hair. Her updo was breathtaking as always though, no need for correction.

On her way out she grabbed up my discarded bra and Ben’s shirt and shook her head lightly. Children, they never grow up. – she murmured for herself.

Uh. Okay. It seemed that everything was how it should be. Mom was happy (kind of), Ben was happy. Everyone was happy.

I tried to scurry away from my brother’s side after mom closed the door, to make more room for him and my plate, which was still balancing graciously on his thigh. Ben was lifting up the plates as he kicked down the blanket partly covering us. I saw the ivy leaves sliding to the floor, and I hurriedly reached out to try to catch it. I wasn’t fast enough.

It was a good thing that the room indeed was warm. Not as warm as the night before, but still.

‘A-a, none of that. Be a good girl and stay still.’ – Ben dragged me back and was pinning me to the headrest. He grabbed the sugary goodness left for me and with a flick of his finger put some of the frosting on my lips. I was frozen in place, my eyes probably as big as the cute little animal’s on my top.

‘Hmm, I’m not much of a dessert guy, but mom knows me so well.’ His lips were on mine within a second, his tongue vigorously forcing its way into my tender cavity. Sweetness was overpowering the bitterness from earlier. His palms were beside both side of my head, then on my neck, squeezing, the plates long forgotten beside him on the nightstand.

Breakfast was indeed rushed. Even though in the end I didn’t have the chance to eat a solid bite.

Chapter Text

‘I fuckin’ hate the shit they preach about. You should see all the pompous asses parading and thinkin’ themselves superior. Bunch of idiots honestly.’ – Ben was angry, that was clear from the way he was gesturing with his right hand while the other rested on the wheel with a determined grip. He offered Rey a ride to school once again, so now she was sitting beside him and really tried to pay attention. His voice filled the car as he went on.

He’d been in a good mood after they got dressed and went upstairs that morning, still having enough time to greet Dad, who was leisurely sitting at the kitchen counter, his trademark uniform already on. Apparently, he was up early too. He winked at Rey when she quietly went to the fridge and picked up a glass of orange juice to at least drink something before school. Mom had packed her lunch: a nice- looking salad with home-made dressing from the look of it, carefully tucked inside a plastic box. It was completely see-through, so it wasn’t hard to guess the contents. Really colorful and healthy.

Dad finished with his cinnamon roll and scribbled down something on a post-it Mom always kept on the counter, then sticked it to her forehead, laughing, the last bite of his bun completely forgotten.

‘Much better. Have a very nice day sweetness.’ – he kissed the top of her head and shuffled out of the kitchen with just the remainder of his beer in hand. He patted Ben’s shoulder who stood there in his light blue shirt and black slacks, Rey’s bag already on his shoulder. ‘You too son. At least you don’t look like you’re going to murder someone for a change today.’ – Ben grunted, but there wasn’t any real malice in his response.

They liked to joke around. Rey adored how Dad and Ben can be so tough on the outside, but kind and caring on the inside. Regardless their minor oddities anyway. Like, beer and cinnamon? Dad had a weird taste for sure, Rey thought, as she reached for the post-it with a happy smile and read what her father wrote: Do not to touch things that aren’t yours. Ben stepped closer to read it too. It was so sweet of Dad to write a note, like he knew she needed encouragement for the day. She hoped no one wanted to actually steal her lunch or anything like that though. They were not in kindergarten anymore, they surely won’t make rude remarks forever because of her heritage, or lack thereof to be exact. She hoped they won’t.

Ben squeezed her thigh, and she was immediately pulled back to the present. She didn’t understand everything he was saying, and she didn’t know the people he was speaking about, but really tried hard to pay attention, just got carried away.

‘Babe, I won’t be here to pick you up today, cause I’ve something to take care of. Wait for Dad.’

‘Okay sure Ben.’ – she felt a little disappointed to not see Ben after school right away. She was mostly comfortable with sharing her insecurities with Ben, she already told him all that had happened, but dad didn’t know anything about the incidents yet. That’s why it meant a lot to have his note with her, she thought he must have felt her unease about the school.

She was a ball of nerves ever since they left home, and she hadn’t had the chance to hug Dad or Mom for a bit of comfort. Ben must have sensed her state of mind because his hand was never leaving her thigh throughout the whole ride, sometimes rubbing it affectionately.

‘Put on your hoodie, Rey. I don’t want you to catch a cold. Mom should’ve got you more turtlenecks or something, these T-shirts are far too revealing for a little girl like you.’ – he tsk-ed and glanced at her from the corner of his eyes. Rey looked down at her white tee with little stars adorning the front. Actually, it wasn’t something Mom chose, but she let Rey buy it. Weirdly enough most of her other new stuff were either turtlenecks or very baggy sweaters, well, apart from the colorful underwear collection Mom was so adamant about. Maybe she should have worn a turtleneck.

Ben already held out the hoodie to her (he grabbed it when they left home), so she had to unbuckle her belt for a few seconds to put it on. It got stuck halfway as she was putting it over her head, but Ben gently helped her pull it down all the way at the end. She quickly clicked the belt back into place.

He just hmmm-ed as his hand returned to it’s original position over her knee-length skirt.  The force he exerted made her miss the Ben who didn’t touch her this much for a moment, but Rey let him have his hands wander wherever he wanted them on her anyway. They were family, belonged together, she just had to get used to it. She was thankful for how he was spending so much of his free time with her, so instead of wincing, she put her much smaller hand on top of his. He had to know she was there for him too, she really was. He didn’t like school much either.

They parted with a kiss, Ben murmuring into her mouth how much he would miss her all day. When he’d leaned over to unbuckle her, she thought he would kiss her forehead, but he lifted her head by her jaw and the next thing she felt was his full lips on hers. She was basically bathing in a rich chocolatey pool with delicate orange slices on top, his rich scent engulfing the front compartment of the car.

‘Say that you’ll miss me more, Rey.’ – he was hovering over her form completely, his right hand behind her head on the top of the seat, his left settled on trailing down her neck starting from her cheekbones in a slow motion. His dimples appeared even more perfect up close. Her pulse picked up as she shyly looked into his intense eyes. He’ll miss her.

They were in their own world in a crowded high school parking lot. If it wasn’t for the dark tinted windows of Ben’s car, she might have felt his affections inappropriate for the public’s eye. She had to remind herself there was in fact nothing weird or odd about them.

The “bath” she found herself in seemed to become a bit suffocating as the moments ticked by and she was lost in his eyes and her thoughts.

He waited for her answer, and his hand on her throat made it known to her in a heartbeat. Speak up silly. He’s waiting.

‘I-I’ll miss you, Ben. More…. more than anything.’ – she whispered as loud as she could, given the circumstances. Then added: ‘Ben, could you please b-be a bit… less… um s-strong.’ – there, she said it.

She wanted to ask him the same yesterday, but there wasn’t a good enough time. Although now wasn’t a good enough time either if the change in his demeanor was any indication. His eyes turned a shade darker if that was possible, his smile disappearing altogether. Gone were the dimples.

He probably wasn’t aware of his physical power and was already stressed about his teachers and school stuff. She shouldn’t have said anything, Rey thought.

‘You don’t like spending time with your own brother, is that it?’ – Ben’s hand behind her shoulders started playing with a stray curl of her hair that escaped her three little buns.

‘N-no, I mean, yes, I do, it’s just that maybe, … sometimes it hurts and some … things we do, it’s so… new.’ – she felt all the air leaving her lungs after that admission.

‘Let’s get some things clear, little sis. I love spending time with you. Make up for all the times we missed, you know. You’re my family baby. We’re new (he grimaced), but it doesn’t matter. We belong together. I can’t change how much I love being with you.’

He placed a soft kiss onto her forehead.

The little girl knew how hard it was for Ben to express his feelings. He was hardly a man of words, but lately she noticed that when there was just the two of them, he talked more. He seemed generally more at ease than when they first met.

‘Thank you, Ben. I’m sorry I said that. I’m sorry’

She found herself pulled over closer to his side, in a tight, warm hug, but she maybe she moved closer first. If it was her who initiated it, or Ben, it didn’t matter. Silly insecurities.  

He seemed pleased with her apology. His soft lips trailed lines on the light bruises on her throat, his uttered words traveling through her pulsing blood till it reached her heart.

‘We’ll always be there for each other. Don’t ever forget that. Call me if anyone bothers you.’

It was such a petty Ben was older than her. If he was the same age and still in high school, he could be there to talk to her classmates. He’d know how to make them stop. Rey didn’t want him to worry about her.

Rey was so engrossed in their little calming bubble she didn’t notice how a few curious eyes wandered her way when she finally exited the car and righted her disheveled black hoodie and her.  She should have brought her coat, but it slipped her mind. At least Ben had grabbed the comforting black material for her. A safety blanket of sorts as Rey saw it.

~

It was beyond her understanding how she managed to make it on time for her first class, but there she was, sitting beside Rose again. When she shyly approached the black-haired girl with cute pigtails and another maxi skirt today, Rey didn’t know if she was still willing to speak to her after yesterday’s … incidents. Fortunately, she did not point Rey to another seat, and greeted her with a smile. Not a huge one, but still.

More so, this time both behaved less anxiously, and even talked about how the rest of yesterday went. Not all the details, but still.  Rose liked tutoring other kids, drawing and playing with her cat, Bee, a little orange tabby furball. She showed Rey quite a few pictures of him.

He was not bigger than the cute little plush bear he was playing with in a green sofa on the picture. Baby blue eyes were gazing back at her.

‘I found her in a dumpster behind the school last year. She was so little and frightened, horribly malnourished. I’m happy he’s this puffy now’ – her voice was filled with so much joy speaking about her pet, smiling the whole time.

‘A real cutie. Very lucky to have you, Rose. And look how much he matches your blouse.’

Rose didn’t have time to respond to that because her phone was snatched out of her hand right at that moment.

The red-head bully from yesterday, Hux was his name Rey thought, was towering over their desk, glaring down disdainfully. They both looked up at the intruder with a frightened expression. Rose immediately looked down.

His letter jacket was open today, so there was a clear view of his Metallica T-shirt under the school football team’s usual attire. No bag with him of course. Most of the guys paraded through school like they didn’t have a care in the world about using books or taking notes. At all. He clearly was one of them.

He tossed the small purple cased phone up in the air after he made sure the screen was no longer displaying the picture, then caught it with the same hand. Grinning all the while.

‘What did I tell you, Rosie, just get rid of that disgusting animal finally. Soo, no phone today. Find me if you feel like getting it back. Maybe we’ll take some more interesting pictures instead. I’ll delete these ones for you, don’t worry.’ – He winked, but first lifted Rose’s head so he could look at her properly. 

Tucking the phone casually into the front pocket of his jeans, he wandered to the back of the classroom. Poe was already seated there Rey saw as she turned after him wide-eyed. Hux fist-bumped his friend, then took a seat beside him, straight legs reaching out under the desk. She caught a smug-looking Poe glancing directly at her, so she hurriedly turned back towards Rose.

She was taking off her glasses to wipe her eyes with her hands and the back of her peach-colored blouse, but quickly put them back just when their teacher arrived. Everyone scurried to their seats, but not nearly in as much of a rush as before Mr. Calrissien’s lesson the day before.

‘Are you okay, Rose?’ – she whispered, but no answer arrived.

At lunch yesterday she thought they were a couple with how close they sat, but was it possible that Hux was bullying her, playing some sort of cruel game? Or was it just a “lover’s quarrel”? She was almost certain a boyfriend shouldn’t confiscate her girlfriend’s phone like that. Or at all.

Rose kept her eyes on Ms. Holdo the whole time for the remainder of their lesson.

So, Rey did the same, albeit somewhat reluctantly.

Ms. Holdo had really unique faded purple shoulder-length hair and was likely in her early thirties or so. Very enthusiastic.

She complimented the pen she got from Ben, when she walked from one row to the other, reading out poem after poem. Rey felt all eyes on her, but fortunately she addressed others too. She was nice, but Rey felt really uncomfortable when she lingered her gaze a tad longer on her neck than was necessary. She pulled on the neck-part of her hoodie. Oh, the bruises.

She forgot about them completely, but now it was like Ben marked her or something. They were barely visible when she left home so she didn’t do anything about them, but they might have become more prominent in the car.

Okay, nothing to worry about.

Ms. Holdo had a soft voice and was very patient with everyone, not snapping if someone gave a very far off answer, and even handed out printed “take home messages” at the end of the class. She looked at Rey with kind eyes and didn’t want to force the new girl in the center of attention.

When she packed up her things, Rose was already out of the classroom, phone left behind. Rey wasted no time, throwing everything in her backpack, and tried to catch up with her in the hallway. A guy bumped into her, muttering about how clumsy a slut she was, and a curly haired girl hissed into her ear even though she stepped on Rey’s foot and not the other way around, but Rey quickly apologized anyway, and reached Rose before she could disappear. Near the bathrooms, alongside the wall were less people, but it wasn’t the most adequate place to chat.

‘Rose, wait. Can we speak?’ – she said in a low voice. This was a sensitive topic, or she suspected it was. And Rey just wanted to make sure Rose was alright.

‘Uhm, sure.’ – they were basically in the middle of the hallway still with a ton of people, and Rose looked very uncomfortable, like she’d do the exact opposite and rather vanish off of the face of the earth. Maybe she really didn’t want to talk. Were they even that close to discuss this?

‘Are… Are you okay? I mean really okay? Did Hux steal your phone?’ – Rey whispered that last part, so it wouldn’t come out as a direct accusation to anyone walking past them.

‘Oh, that. N-no, not at all. He just…borrows it sometimes. We… talked about it, it’s okay.’ – she fidgeted with the strap of her bag, but otherwise she seemed convincing. ‘Why’d you ask? We’re not friends or-or anything. I was being nice, so you don’t feel abandoned, but I-I think it’s not a good idea to sit together anymore. Would you please leave me alone?’

She wasn’t even looking at her when she said all that, choosing instead to just gaze over Rey’s shoulder at something behind her. But it didn’t matter anyway. She only saw her words, surrounding her, closing in on her in the already crowded hallway. It was her childhood all over, only this hurt somehow on a deeper level. The rejection. She didn’t know Rose that well, of course, but she felt maybe, just maybe she found a friend in her.

She stood frozen in place.

‘Hey, what’s up you two? Everythin’ alright?’ – Poe appeared beside them out of nowhere, or out of that part of the hallway which wasn’t full of the fog of Rey’s looming sadness.

‘Of course. It’s… it’s not something concerning you.’ – Rose said instantly, albeit a bit uncertainly, not looking at either one of them.

‘Interesting, then why are you standin’ in the middle of the damn hallway? My hallway. New girl wants to put on a show? Maybe less clothes next time. Can’t wait for Friday, can you Rey?’ – he winked, but the tension was still very much there. He obviously didn’t feel it though, as he put his hands on Rey’s shoulders and led her away.

He made it look like as if that was the most natural thing to do. She let him, not really paying any attention to where he led her or why was he touching her, or how Rose stepped closer to stop him, but was stopped by someone hissing from behind them.

In front of the many students still chatting and pulling their books out of the lockers, everyone was paying attention to the little drama unfolding.

As soon as Poe approached the girls, whisperings broke out among the high schoolers like wildfire.

This time the orphan and weirdo comments were accompanied by additional niceties, like attention whore, already after the whole football team and more in that nature. She wasn’t really hearing any of those.

Poe asked what her next class was, but probably out of formality, because he grabbed her schedule out of her hoodie pocket where she earlier folded it, just in case she still needed it. Rey memorized it, but her memory wasn’t the best when she was stressed, so she’d decided to keep it at handy. How accurate her line of thinking turned out to be.

~

The rest of the day went by agonizingly slow. Poe basically escorted her to her next class, but didn’t sit with her, instead chose to sit with the girl who insulted Rey yesterday, her perfect blonde hair up in a tight ponytail. It was braided and reached the middle of her back. Her cold eyes followed her from the moment she stepped into the classroom, narrowing on Poe’s hand on shoulders.

Her expression turned colder if that was even possible, her long pink nails playing with her hair, but in a way that meant business. It might have appeared as nonchalant to some, but it was anything but that. Poe kissed her on the lips when he slid beside her.

The boy with the turned-out shirt (it was a different shirt today, but the same applied to it as the one before) and huge headphones sat behind the blonde girl engrossed in the music, but no one else seemed familiar, nor overly eager to have her there.

She received a handful of other mean stares, and she didn’t understand why. She didn’t do anything wrong, well, apart from making Rose uncomfortable in front of everyone. She saw something that wasn’t there. Hux must be her boyfriend, she just didn’t want to lay out her private life before her, which was perfectly fine.

Rey felt like she disappointed her and everyone else, even though she hadn’t spoken to anyone beside Rose or Poe.

She chose a seat at the front which would probably be unoccupied anyway, and pulled out her stuff, not really paying any particular attention to anything else. Her phone followed along with her pencil case.  

Rey hadn’t even had a phone before she was adopted, but having one now seemed like a true blessing. She wiped at her eyes discreetly to make sure there weren’t any stray tears there, then texted Ben if he was okay and how his day went so far.

He immediately replied, but didn’t elaborate, just wrote: “Miss you”

Rey missed him too. She really did. She couldn’t wait for Dad to pick her up. Would he notice her sullen mood? Ben would, she knew that.

How she wished it was already Saturday. Now she had to go to the game without Rose, that is if Poe still wanted her to go for some unknown reason? His girlfriend didn’t seem overly eager about him being friendly with her.  

Chapter Text

‘Hey pumpkin, you look a bit flushed, you okay?’

There went Rey’s chance to pretend everything was alright. Unfortunately, her dad was a cop and he tend to notice if something was amiss, and now wasn’t an exception either. Mom told her he was a cop for as long as she knew him, and Rey knew they were married for a long time, so he probably was an expert at reading people’s minds. Rey always imagined that’s what police officers did to catch the bad guys.

She envied her parent’s perfect relationship and basically adored everything they did or told her, but now she wished that Dad was at least a bit less observant.

‘Oh, I… it was just… um, school is still new for me’ – she tried to brush his question off as she buckled herself in and put her bag on the back seat. Dad picked her up right on time, so she didn’t have to stay and listen to more kind words from her classmates. She wasn’t sure how she managed to walk out with her head held high and the tears at bay, but she did. It really helped that Dad arrived a few seconds later and selected a spot near the entrance.

The white-blue police car at least froze them on the spot, so she made a run for the car. Dad kindly opened it from the inside leaning over the passenger seat, his gum popping loudly as she climbed inside. But when he started to ask her about the day and why she ran so quickly without saying bye to her friends, she wanted to freeze if that way she could escape from his knowing gaze. Should she tell Dad?

‘Rey, listen, I know it’s new. But if you don’t start talkin’ right now… You ran out that damn door like the whole building was on fire, and last time I checked, it wasn’t. So, spit it out baby girl and don’t ya dare lie to your old man.’

Rey felt ashamed because of her behavior. She sighed and fidgeted with the hem of her hoodie to gather some courage. The black material was a bit loose from how many times she pulled on it in her nervousness during classes and now it returned, only enhanced. While she gathered that tiny bravado of hers, Dad started the car and they swerved out of the parking lot with the speed of a lightyear. She saw some of her classmates eyeing their car with curious gazes, the blonde girl with the tight high ponytail, Phasma, who turned out to be indeed Poe’s girlfriend, whispered something into the ear of another girl Rey didn’t recognized. Just great. They always had something to talk about.

‘Dad, it’s not… just…just some of my classmates reacted a bit harshly yesterday about the fact that I’m… an orphan. And I thought I had a new friend, but today she told me she was just polite but doesn’t want to be my friend and that I should… leave her alone.’ – she sucked in a deep breath after her small monologue stumbled out and looked up only to see her father’s angry expression completely masking his earlier good mood. He chewed on that white gum of his kind of vigorously and his grip on the wheel tightened noticeably.

‘What? Damn it, girl, why did you let me pull off. I’d like to speak to those little fuckers. Now. No one messes with my family and lives happily ever after.’ – he pulled her into a side hug and kissed Rey’s forehead. His stubble was a bit prickly, but it felt great to be hugged by him. Dad wasn’t a cuddling person, not like Ben, so it meant so much to Rey.

‘Pumpkin. You. Are. Not. An orphan. Never were. You’re part of our family, just took a little time to get you. Fuck I really want to beat up someone right now.’ – he hit the wheel with his palm and released her from his embrace after he was done. His uniform smelled clean and comforting to the little girl, even throughout his rage. Better the car than an actual person.

She didn’t want him to let go of her. But with a sniff she leaned back onto her seat, rubbing her eyes with the sleeve of Ben’s present.

In this rate her hoodie won’t last for a month or so, not with how many times she tugged on the sleeves or wiped her tears with it. Unfortunately, she was an orphan for a very long time, no matter what Dad claimed. It was not something she could just erase from her past. It was her entire past.

‘Daddy…t-thank you. Thank you for saying this, but you don’t have to talk to them. I’ll be fine. I’m sure they’ll forget about me faster than you’d think.’ – she had been afraid to call him daddy, because she wasn’t sure if he’d be comfortable with the term, but now she just couldn’t help it. He was so comforting.

His reply soothed her anxious stuttering:

‘They will, baby, they will. Just gotta make sure ‘bout that.’ – he turned to her now fully, eyes off the road for a second, with a big smile plastered over his earlier tense expression.

‘Now forget about those little wankers. Wanna go and get some ice cream? I bet your momma would love to have some too.’ – Rey left her sleeves alone so she could smile up at him, with all her teeth showing. She wasn’t comfortable with how her father cursed in front of her, but she knew he tended to do that if he was angry quite often. He was angry at home sometimes too, especially when he sat beside an opened beer bottle, but he laughed a lot too and she started to get used to his small mood swings. Ice cream sounded great. Her mood lifted instantly.

‘Thanks daddy. Can we get her favorite?’

‘Course we can, pumpkin. Course we can.’ – his eyes settled back on the road, his hand messing up the hair on top of Rey’s head. She was never more grateful for her nest of hair than at that moment.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Han pulled up in front of a Kroger maybe 10 or 15 minutes away from their house. She hopped out of the car excitedly and Dad closed all the doors with one motion. He put on his brown sunglasses while doing so.

When they made their way inside with her holding onto Dad’s hand, her awed gaze lingered on all the colorful things lined up on the shelves. She just couldn’t help it, since she’d rarely got the chance to wander around in as big a store as this was before. To be honest, her first time was when she went to the mall with her mother a few days ago. How amazing it was to have her family and spend time with them. Even just going shopping made her super excited and grateful.

Dad threw a few things in their cart for dinner while she hopped beside him beaming. First, he picked up an 8 pack of Bud Light. They run into one of his colleague’s wife in the isle and he chatted with her forcing a smile on his face. They were sharing only a few sentences, while Rey eyed the ice creams in the huge freezers lined up at the end of the isle. The woman patted her head after departing and said how cute a little girl Han had. Dad pulled her closer and smiled at her, this time more genuine. The next stop was the ice creams.

The beer bottles clinked when the pints he selected were added to the contents of their cart. Ben & Jerry’s. It had adorable packaging and Rey couldn’t wait to show Ben how famous he was.

Rey really wanted to get flavors peanut butter cup and chocolate fudge brownies, but Dad had said no. ‘Your mother is allergic to peanuts.’ She felt ashamed not knowing that. How could she be a good enough daughter if she hadn’t even known that.

Dad chatted with the cashier while she less beamingly put the things into bags. Han laughed when the boy questioned him jokingly about the beer and told him it was for a grill the department was organizing.

‘Wow Sheriff Solo, that’s awesome. I wish we had something like that over here too. Can be boring standing all day then just go home sir.’ – the guy rubbed on her sweaty forehead, the acnes on his face making him appear like he was sporting a serious rash. Dad just nodded and popped his gum.

Rey briefly glanced up and saw her father using a black credit card. Guess he liked black just as much as Ben did.

She really liked how much those two bickered sometimes but were still the most adorable father-son duo.  

When Dad hauled all the bags into the trunk later, she hugged him real tight, all her earlier sorrow seeping out of her. Everything will be fine. What others said didn’t matter. I didn’t.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~1

‘Darling, we’re home.’ – Dad said playfully, extending his arms in a grand gesture so all the bags on his forearms flew out with the movement, when they entered the foyer. Mom already was standing there with a huge smile on her much more rested face and helped freeing Dad of all the bags, but not before she kissed Rey on the forehead.

‘Oh, two of my three favorite people in the world. Glad you did all the grocery, sweets, I was just really tired all day to go out and get them myself. Thank you! Come on, hurry up, I want to hear everything about your day.’ – she turned and walked inside.

Han was in the process of unbuttoning his uniform jacket while he answered: ‘Same as usual. A couple of angry husbands and report of lost dogs, a few dealers and circa two murders. Yours?’

Leia’s laugh echoed from the kitchen. ‘I wasn’t asking you, Han. But I’m glad you had fun. I’m more interested in Rey’s school day.’

Rey looked up at her dad with pleading eyes, the hem of her hoodie already between her small fingers. She didn’t think mom would start asking right away. But Dad winked at her after pulling off his glasses and put his hands on Rey’s shoulder to indicate he wanted them to be over with the distance talking and just go inside. Rey followed him inside.

‘There were some underage idiots I’d wanted nothing more than to arrest for harassing my little girl after she told me about her day, and I’m sure you’d love to poison them if you got the chance too, love. But… we got ice cream, so she’s good now.’ – he hugged mom from behind and she stiffened for a moment, but then she laughed in her usual heartwarming way. Together they turned towards Rey who stood nervously near the counter, one palm on it for leverage.

Her brows furrowed at her Dad’s strange statement, but their smile relaxed her tense posture almost entirely. They just wanted to cheer her up, she realized. No need to upset her mom further. Her work was stressful enough.

‘Um, we got vanilla and… strawberry cheesecake and no peanut butter, mom. Can we all have a scoop for dessert?’ – she hoped the change in topic would lighten her mood irrevocably.

‘Oh, how sweet of you, Rey.’ – she petted Dad’s hand over her abdomen. ‘Of course, we can. I love ice cream…. But everything in moderation, sweety, okay?’ – Rey knew that.

‘Ben should be home in half an hour. Let’s get dinner ready. Han, get rid of this godforsaken uniform by then. You know I… love you… but I love you more when you’re not reeking of crime.’

Dad stepped away from her after he nibbed on Mom’s neck for a moment. Rey averted her eyes so they could have the moment just for themselves.

‘Your words are my command. But I, on the other hand, just love whatever you wear… It sounds unfair to me. We should discuss this later.’ – he kissed the back of mom’s hand as he said that. Rey only let her head turned toward mom when she felt Dad’s hand patting her shoulder and heard him exit the kitchen. Mom sighed but said nothing.

‘Rey, sweety, go upstairs and change. Be back in five. I’ll need some help with the cutting. Crying together is far better than crying alone when it comes to onions.’ – She let out a little laugh.

Rey really was not in the mood for more tears for the day, but she rushed upstairs to change quickly anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘Oh, wow, look how cute someone is, helping out in the kitchen. Ahh, I missed you, babe.’

Rey was so engrossed in the way the sauce was swirling in the pot before her as she was stirring it just like her mom showed her how, that she didn’t notice when her brother sneaked up behind her. She jumped a little when two big, muscular arms entwined themselves around her mid-section and she felt Ben’s familiar scent mixing with the aroma of the brewing dinner. After her initial slight alarm, the wooden spoon in her right hand was left abandoned as she hastily turned around, not caring about the sauce anymore.

‘Ben…’ – she looked up at him but didn’t wait for a reply before she hugged him so tightly, he gave out a groaning sound. She missed him so much and now he was finally there.

Their mother smiled fondly at the two of them as she picked up a glass from the dishwasher to put it on the counter.

The kitchen was opened into the dining-room in their home, the table already set just like it usually was, an immaculately white tablecloth with all the delicate floral embroidery draped over it and all the porcelain already laid out. She watched as her two beautiful children hugged each other for a good minute before Rey reluctantly pulled herself away.

‘This sweetheart is all over her big brother now. Oooh, I’m so lucky to have you both.’ – she wiped on her eyes with one of her handkerchiefs.

‘Mom don’t get emotional. It doesn’t suit you. It’s barely even tolerable from Rey and she’s fifteen.’ – Ben said chuckling and pulled Rey over for a quick kiss on the forehead. ‘Just kidding.’ – he murmured into her skin.

Rey blushed from both Ben’s playfulness and also because of her mother’s statement. She wasn’t all over him, was she? Did she hug him for too long?

She felt so childish at times when Ben was around, because… well because he was older obviously, but also because she got flustered most of the time in his presence no matter where they were, in her bedroom or outside it. She didn’t understand her feelings and all the confusion that came with them.

‘Okay folks, I’m fuckin starving. Let’s just eat already, cuddle later!’ – Han entered the kitchen in his favorite leather jacket he was wearing whenever around the house. Rey wondered if it was kind of a family heirloom from his father or something like that, based on how old it looked. But mom loved it on dad, so whatever the reason was for him to wear it all the time, it didn’t matter at the end. Maybe she’d ask later. She could ask her dad about anything really.

‘Fine, fine. I’ll help mom. You two go ahead!’ – Ben replied while looking behind at his mother. She nodded and shushed Rey out of the kitchen in agreement with her son.

Dad was already seated at the table, his hand on the back of the chair next to him. He put a box of juice next to the plate in front of him, so Rey knew where to sit.

‘Pumpkin, you look a little pale. You ate your lunch, did you?’ – he eyed her. His question caught her a bit off guard, his tone more serious than usual, just like it was in the car. Oh. She forgot all about her lunch mother prepared, it was probably still in her backpack under the other hastily thrown in stuff. Somehow it had slipped her mind, nor had she had the chance honestly. Maybe that was why she got so excited over ice cream when dad brought it up, since her breakfast only consisted of a few sips of juice too, nothing really satiating.

But she didn’t dare tell all of that to her father, not wanting him to find out how forgetful she was sometimes. He knew all about today’s events already, but after his kind note probably still sticked to the lid of her lunchbox, it just didn’t feel right to do so. And she’d always been a bit pale.

‘I, um, yes. I did. I’m… always this pale daddy.’ – she grabbed her fork between her fingers and rolled it between them nervously while answering. She held his father’s gaze and even tried to force out a reserved little smile. Dad smiled back at her. ‘Sure you did. And yeah, I noticed. Probably won’t be more tanned if you’d run around in a desert for years, pumpkin. I know all the shit about genetics, but some vitamin D would be great for ya. Shame they always put the Friday games well past 5 pm. Not much sun by then…’

‘Oh. Are… are those games… crowded?’ – she swallowed a ball of nerves. Maybe she was paler than she had thought, but she was more afraid about that game he brought up. There was no way she’d go.

Dad laughed, his chest and the arm on the chair beside him shaking from the act. ‘Pretty sure they are, sweetness. But no worry, Ben will reserve a seat for you on the bench. Won’t let you out of his sight.’ – he took a sip from his beer.

‘He likes football. At some point he considered going pro, but he hates violence, ya know. It just wasn’t for my boy. But he likes to help out with the team still. You’ll enjoy it.’

‘Hey, speaking about me behind my back. That’s very sophisticated Dad.’ – Ben walked in with two large bowls in his hands and Mom trailed behind him with additional glasses. ‘Han, behave’ – she added with her trademark fake-scolding look.

‘Yes, ma’am.’ – was his only reply. Ben’s hand found Rey’s thigh the moment he sat down beside her, but that didn’t alleviate the knots in her stomach.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

‘I think you made an excellent choice choosing this flavor sweety. Thank you!’ – mom commented across from the table, after she took one and then immediately a second scoop of her ice cream with her fork. Rey was surprised she used a fork instead of a spoon, it seemed a little weird at first. Dad was not much of a sweet tooth, but Ben reached for the fork too, so Rey did the same. She felt how his arm settled on the back of her chair now, just like Dad’s were casually draped behind Mom’s shoulders.

Rey smiled back at her mother, a shy little smile forming on her lips.

‘I agree. These are my favorites, babe.’ – Ben pulled her closer to him, the legs of her chair scraping against the floor. She was blushing so hard it was hard to tell her skin tone and the strawberry swirls in said ice cream apart. How long would it take to get used to family life, she wondered.

‘I’ll take Rey to the game. I don’t think we’ll be home by curfew tomorrow.’ – he chuckled as he put down his bowl, and Rey felt small sweat droplets break out on her pale skin after his statement, and it had nothing to do with how fast she finished her dessert. She wasn’t expecting him to bring up the game. Oh Dad…

Ben had said yesterday she couldn’t go, and she was more grateful for it than anything else in her entire life, well apart from having him in the first place. She really didn’t want to go and watch Poe play, because she was almost a hundred percent sure his girlfriend would be there too, and she was one very scary girl. Sometimes she thought her hair glowed when she said something insulting to her or whispered something even more insulting about her to the other girls in their class. She was popular and Rey was now… an outcast. She’d prefer to be invisible, by Poe, by his girlfriend, by everyone at school.

‘Of course, Ben. You don’t have to ask for permission, and oh it’ll be so much fun for you, sweetypie. Right Han?’ – mom said automatically, elbowing dad in the ribs ever so slightly, her happy persona in full motion now. Great. Dad zoned out for a minute after he refilled his glass for the fourth time (mom hated if he drank from the bottle), but he jerked “awake” instantly.

‘Sure. I told her how pale she looks already. Our princess needs some air... Maybe you could cheer for the team too…they have cute uniforms…’ – he said, but his words weren’t directed towards Rey, they were directed at Ben, a curious glint in father’s eyes. Rey felt Ben’s hands tense behind her. In her peripheral vision she saw his Adam’s apple bob.

‘No.’ – was his reply, curt, cold even. He sounded just like when they first met, his delightfulness gone in a blink of an eye. His grip on her right shoulder blade started to hurt. Rey remained silent, the cute pink bowl in her hand frozen in her lap. Mom’s hand froze midair too.

Dad snorted into his glass. ‘Thought as much’

Ben pushed back his chair suddenly, at the same time grabbing her sister by her left upper arm. ‘Thanks for dinner. We’ll be upstairs.’ – Rey had no time to say good night to her parents or put the bowl in her hands in a more graceful manner onto the table, when Ben hauled her to his room and shut the door with an aggressive kick of his leg. He tossed her to the bed in the far corner of the room. His nostrils were flaring.

He was angry, but Rey had no idea why. Did he sense her reluctance about the game? Her ankle bumped into the leg of the bed. She didn’t dare make a sound though.

‘Shit. Sorry babe. Dad sure knows how to drive me crazy with his bullshit.’ – she nodded despite not understanding what he referred to exactly. She slowly moved her arms behind her to support the weight of her upper body. She had to blink a few times to gather her balance though. The speed with which they made it upstairs had to have been some sort of record.

He was standing, or more specifically towering over her and brushed a hand through his dark locks in an attempt to calm himself down. He did that all the time.

He exhaled slowly, staring at her the whole time, but then his dimples appeared too, so whatever caused his distress, it lessened considerably now. Eyes lost some of that edge from earlier.

‘Fuck.’ – he turned around walked back towards the door and Rey heard a lock click in place.

‘Ben… it’s… okay.’ – was all she could say. It worked. His shoulders relaxed immediately. He said still with his back to her, his voice deeper this time.

‘How inconsiderate of me, see, shit like that riles me up pretty good sometimes…’

He turned back to her. For some reason his black jumper seemed tighter on his broad chest than before as he exhaled.

‘Welcome to my room, Rey.’

Chapter Text

‘Was that really necessary, dear? You know how quick-tempered our son can be.’ – Leia said quietly while putting her small glass bowl of ice cream slowly on the table. She knew his son and had been dreading the moment he’d burst out, and unfortunately, she was not wrong. Ben was always like that, even when he was just a little boy. Hot-headed and stubborn, something he inherited from his father. But Leia didn’t say that out loud of course. She never did.

She tried to give her son everything because she had next to nothing while growing up. Relatively small town, basically non-existent parents. Didn’t matter, not when she became a parent too. But all she could think about was how she abandoned her little boy when he was a baby. Not in the physical sense of the gruesome word, but emotionally. After his birth, she was comatose for weeks before she could take up her motherly duties, and even though her husband, her savior was there to support her, she’d still been missing out.

She wasn’t sure how many hours she laid in their shared bed with Han and cried. She cried about her baby boy and how he would manage without her. Grow up without her.

Back then she had seen Han in a different light. More like a shadow. Now he was her whole world. Her husband and their precious little boy, and of course his Rey.

Han’s hand around her shoulders tightened, and she couldn’t do anything else just stare at his empty glass across from her with downcast eyes. She hated when Ben’s voice rose. It reminded her of Han all those years ago.

‘Oh, come on. You know how much I love riling up the kid.’ – he laughed and kissed the top of her head in a reassuring manner, as it would solve all the problems. Well, it had to. She sighed into his rising and falling chest. His old jacket gave her a strange sense of comfort. She’d been the one who bought it for him on their first day out as a family. Her first day outside.

He insisted to buy her something, but she asked him to let her surprise him instead. She was so happy that day. It was a bright sunny day with Ben babbling in his perfect black baby carriage, and at times, when she closed her eyes and took deep breaths, those teeny-tiny fingers grabbed hers. Her sweet baby, her everything.

‘I know.’ – she replied absentmindedly to her husband who was pulling her from her seat in the present and towards their shared bedroom. All the walls were littered with their son’s pictures as they passed, most of them token around the time he was in elementary and high school. He was such a popular child, and Leia could see his perfect resemblance to his father, their jaw, that nose, the ruffled hair as they both liked to wear it, no matter how many times she worried herself sick he’d catch a cold coming home from football practice with that untamable mane. But Han always hugged her and calmed her in the doorway and ushered Ben inside. He was such an amazing father.

Han had that same untamable mane when they’d first met. It was the second thing she’d noticed about him, the first being his uniform of course, and the way he carried himself with confidence. He’d had sunglasses on that day, but his gaze burned a hole in her very soul regardless.

‘Darlin, I think you zoned out on me. Here, let me help you.’ – she wasn’t sure how they’d reached their room so quickly, but the next thing she felt was her back come in contact with Han’s favorite sofa. The black leather scraped her thin tunic and her skin underneath. She learnt to tolerate it over the years because Han really liked that sofa. She hadn’t always been this cheery personality as she was now, but she’d learnt to behave differently for her family’s sake.

Han squatted down in front of her and asked on his gentle tone: ‘You forgot your medicine, did you, my queen? It’s okay. I’ll get it for you. No need to worry.’ – she heard him, but as if he was talking inside a bubble. Or she was in a bubble. She wasn’t sure.

She heard him talk inside her head though, but his voice sounded younger, less raspy but still in full control of the situation even then.

He came to the university’s library because there had been a fight between two students and security - a guy named Larry who had been probably two hundred pounds heavier than a guard should have been, probably because in between two laughs he always rushed to suck in half the air in the room along with a couple donuts – couldn’t handle. Larry was a nice guy, but he needed help, so Leia called the police.

After they, Han and his partner arrived, both guys ended up with an additional, minor break in their nasal bone on top of the black eyes and hightailed out of the library soon.

Leia had been there to talk to Mrs. Kanata about her grandchild’s tutoring. Mrs. Kanata, the kind-hearted librarian of Organa University asked her to help, and she gladly agreed. But she never got the chance to speak with her in the end.

His voice rang crystal clear in her ears as she thought back: ‘Fuckers never stop behaving like wild animals. Education is utter crap. Are you alright Miss?’ – she had been standing near the astronomy section when the two started fighting, basically frozen in place phone in hand. Her books clutched to her chest. The officer kept talking and stepped closer to her.

‘It’s okay. Hey. Relax. You have a name, beautiful?’ – Officer Solo asked. She’d seen his name tag sooner than he had the chance to introduce himself. He didn’t. His hair was disheveled, and it didn’t help when he ran a hand through it. He was so close to her, shielding her from all the curious gazes. The fight obviously had gathered some attention.

He led her out of the library and the next thing she knew he clicked the seatbelt into place, tucking it beside her in his car. His partner never showed up again.

‘Hey, babe. I need you to concentrate.’ – Han’s voice broke through the fog of her mind, and she was back in their room, the sound of the engine just a distant echo in the back of her head. She didn’t know she had closed her eyes, but apparently, she did.

‘Here. Take these love and drink slowly.’ –  he handed them to her along with a cup of water and she did what he told her without hesitation. She knew it was for the best. There was a time when she hadn’t known, hadn’t been aware of certain things that were necessary, but those times were long gone and only happiness remained. She swallowed all the pills.

‘That’s it, my queen. It’ll be better soon.’ – he was kneeling in front of her, his jacket abandoned on the bed probably, and was wearing a blue dress shirt that wasn’t tucked in. Han rubbed her thigh while her thoughts cleared, and she smiled at him. His lips felt a bit cold on her knuckles.

‘May I lie down now dear?’ – Leia asked as a sudden headache came over her. And no matter how nice the sofa was, she just didn’t like it. That last spoon of ice cream might have been a bit of an overstep on her part. She should have taken her medicine on time too.

A muffled scream from somewhere in the house reached her ears, but soon all she felt was the soft pillow under her head and her husband’s hands circling around her waist from behind. Her head was heavy. It was really time to rest. Sleep sounded great.

She had to help Mr. Palpatine sleep a while ago too. He’d been one of her professors and when he got admitted he recognized her and asked her questions she got really confused about. Fortunately, when she told her husband about it, Han assured her it was a misunderstanding. He was old, had dementia, and talked a lot. Life was a burden for poor men like him. She knew that.

Her nerves were nowhere near as strong as in her youth though.

Han’s hands tightened around her and she relaxed herself against her husband concentrating on nothing else but sleep.

                                                                                                        .

                                                                                                        .

                                                                                                        .

‘I was fantasizing a lot about us being here together. You on my bed. You like being here with me baby, don’t you?’ – Ben was lying behind Rey, his arms tracing the faint lines of the tense muscles on her upper arm, slowly making their way to her shoulder blades.  

After the door was closed, Ben asked her to remain still while he climbed in beside her on the bed, pulling her small form toward his much bigger one. He was so warm. Just so warm. Her soft peach colored turtleneck, which she put on so at dinner mom would know how much she loved all the clothes she picked out for Rey, was now uncomfortably tight against her skin. Ben apparently liked the piece of clothing just as much as their mother did, even though Rey could feel his anger still shimmering on the surface. His deep inhales ruled over the silence of the room and tickled her ears and neck.

Her mouth went from simply dry to desert dry and small droplets of perspiration was starting to form on her palms. She knew what he wanted to hear as an answer. After their first night back in her room, Rey knew what Ben liked. It was just not easy for her, she really did see him as her brother, but all he did filled her with unease.

Rey slowly turned her whole body so that she was facing him, trying not to bump into his knees in the process.

His hands retracted as if he was waiting for her to react that way, even though it was quite dark in the room already. Ben, true to his usual self, was not a fan of lamps and lighting in general and Rey understood. He tried to avoid “spotlight” just like she did. But his eyes found hers without trouble.

One of his index fingers rested on his lower lip as he was looking at her adoringly. She never felt this… needed in her whole life. Shyly closing the few inches between them Rey kissed the tip of his nose, her nervous heartbeats giving their own solo concert inside her ribcage the entire time. She didn’t know what to do with her hands, so they just lay limply against Ben’s midsection squeezed to her side. The kiss lasted only a friction of a second or so.

He chuckled and his hands moved to her back, and soon she felt his hands came in contact with bare skin. And then he kissed her lips. First gently then with more vigor. He was still angry at Dad.

‘This is more like it.’ – he murmured when he was finished.

Rey averted her widened eyes, but all she saw was Ben’s black T-shirt in the center of her vision filling in her peripheral too.

‘Ben don’t be mad at Dad. Please. I don’t even want to go to the game. And…I like being here with you.’ – there, finally she said it.  She hated when people argued, someone always got hurt. Dad just liked to joke around, but sadly it was one of the few characteristics he and Ben didn’t share.

‘What if I want you to go huh? Look at me.’ – Ben asked and his hands kept wandering upwards, reaching the small bralette she was wearing underneath. Her head snapped up, almost hitting him in the jaw but his reflexes were fast enough to prevent that. He chuckled and said: ‘What’ll happen is… we go. I had a few minor changes installed on the team and I’d like to see how that turns out.’ – ahh right. This was really important to Ben, he liked coaching and all that stuff. But she was afraid of what’ll happen there, too many people. Her whole class would be there too.

‘Ben, please. They all… hate me. Only Rose and Poe were nice, but that’s it. I… I’d rather stay home.’ – she was concentrating really hard not to let her voice crack mid-sentence, but it still did, not hiding how upset she was. Dad shouldn’t have said anything.

Ben’s hands were now making small, calming circles on her back, unclasping the small bra without her even noticing it. She noticed though how his jaw tensed at the mention of Poe and she wished she phrased it a bit differently. Ben didn’t like Poe, she suspected as much, which must have been hard since he was on the team he was couching but wasn’t sure about what was the grudge between the two of them. Poe was a popular guy and had lots of friends.

‘Yeah, I bet he was. But I want you there too. You’ll come, right baby?’ – he kissed her more forcefully this time, so all her thoughts and worries flew out the window. Ben’s room had a fairly big window right across the door, similar in style to hers, minus the size difference, so thoughts could fly freely.

‘Okay. I promise. Can I sit with you?’ – she asked when she could breathe again.

‘No other way is available babe’ – Ben smiled down at her.

‘Okay. So now that we’ve discussed that, I’d like to thank you for tonight’s dessert. Very thoughtful of you Rey. Will you let me?’ – he asked, but she could tell by how he was now hovering over her that it was anything but a question. The fact that he started to pull on her turtleneck and she felt his fingers gliding along her ribs while doing so were a clear indicator of that.

She didn’t understand why she came up with excuses in her head instead of letting her brother touch her. He made her feel alive. The small part of her that always felt so empty while growing up had him now. He started taking up more space even. Rey stared at his T shirt and remained silent.  

‘Oh fuck. I love this on you. Covers you up perfectly. I’m the only one who can see you without it, right?’ – she nodded. Of course, he was. ‘I want to leave marks all over you, so you’d have to cover them up later.’ – Ben sat up and gently tucked on the hem of her shirt. She couldn’t see him with her shirt covering half of her face now, only hear what he was saying. Marks? Like the ones on her neck?

When he finally pulled the piece of clothing over her head, her hair spread out all over the grey pillow in chaotic disarray. Her bra followed suit real quick after. She pulled her hands over her chest as a small shield. The times when Ben showed her how much he liked being with her, being close to her, it ended with her clothes off, if it was just the two of them.

Rey knew she was not perfect. She wanted him to like her, all of her, but she’d prefer it with their clothes on. She was ashamed of how her bones showed under her pale skin and the scars that adorned her body from her time at the orphanage. She hated how that place haunted her to this day. She wanted Ben to see her as the perfect sister he deserved and not the damaged girl she felt inside.

But he kept looking at her, and she was scared how much of her he could see. His hazel eyes were a mystery for her, with all the intensity, completely undecipherable most of the times. Was he disappointed already?

She reached lower and brushed her slightly trembling hands to his palms, to make him happy. At least that way she wouldn’t have to be seen and on display. The only thing she had on now were her black leggings, thighs tightly pressed together by Ben’s on either side of hers.

‘Rey, what have we discussed earlier?’

Rey blinked at his voice. She kept zoning out sometimes out of nervousness. He grabbed her lifted hand mid-way.

‘I thought… if I… that you…’ – she started, desperately trying to explain something she didn’t quite understand herself.

‘Babe, relax. I can hear your pretty little wheels rolling inside. Why are you so nervous?’ – his voice indicated he genuinely had no idea of the answer. Was he not upset because of her imperfections? She thought he wanted her hands or mouth on his manly parts, but he had stopped her. Her confusion must have been written all over her face now.

He was right though, her mind kept reminding her about all the ways she could mess up her new life, or more importantly her family’s life by causing unwanted trouble. She hated when they argued, and today it was mainly her fault. One of her imperfections caused all of it.

She had to stop being so nervous about little things.

‘I’m… I… I don’t want you to see me… I-I’m not perfect. I want to be perfect for you, please let me try. I’ll stop worrying, I promise. Ben. Please don’t be mad. I’m sorry. I’ll try, let me…’ – her hands shook in his grip. She didn’t expect him to stay so calm about her confession, but he did. In fact, he laughed, he laughed for the first time since dinner, and Rey watched how her favorite moles danced along to the rhythm of that sound in the corner of his mouth.

He climbed over her half naked form, leaning close. His bed giving out a quiet creaking sound.

‘You silly, silly girl. You’re all I’ve ever wanted… and more. So Stop. Being. Ridiculous.’ – he murmured into her hair. ‘You don’t understand what you do to me. Don’t try to hide anything from me, because all of you is mine. Everything.’ – his voice came from further as he moved down, laying kisses on her collarbone, between her small breast, and the scars on her tummy all the way to the waistline of her leggings. The warmness that never left returned with full force ignited by his wet kisses. He looked up when he reached it, only one of his eyes fully visible from his dark locks hanging into his other one, serving as a curtain.  

‘I like these too, but… maybe you need more convincing.’ – and there went her leggings, joining her turtleneck somewhere on the floor, not any sign of protest this time from her. He forgave her.

Ben kissed the left side of her hip bone while his hand on the other side prevented her from fidgeting. She discovered very early on her life how ticklish some parts of the human body can be. It was a weakness, and now, as her brother’s lips explored that area, it felt different. More somehow. She felt a new sensation blooming from her very core, foreign. Was that feeling normal? Did Ben know how he made her feel? It was in no way similar to anything she had felt before.

Rey let out a moan she didn’t know she was holding in until it demanded to be let out by his caresses. When she was with Ben, she always felt like they shared a secret, that belonged to only them and no one else. That moan of hers now belonged to Ben as well, just to him, and he was right there to collect what was his.

‘You like that baby, don’t you? Say it. Say you need me.’ – her hands couldn’t remain by her side any longer, they sought out Ben’s left one still on her hip. He didn’t have to wait for an answer long.

‘Ben. I-I n-need you.’ – she whispered shyly and lifted one hand to the side of his face, touching a few of his locks.

He kissed her throbbing center through the pink panties she had on as the last piece of clothing (at least on her part) that kept them separated. The act would’ve felt inappropriate if she was completely aware of the situation, but, at some point during Ben’s reassuring words and touches, she stopped thinking rationally. Maybe thinking altogether. Her brother was there for her, so thinking wasn’t all that necessary.

Ben pulled away from her after what seemed like a small eternity of complete blissfulness, only to get rid of the other barriers between them, namely his black T-shirt and sweatpants. Some would expect the majority of the heat that she felt to accompany the garments to the floor, but that didn’t happen. Ben’s broad shoulders, his beautifully carved torso glistening with the slightest amount of sweat indicated otherwise. He rubbed the heel of his right palm to his chest for a second as he was once again towering over her petite form, his eyes never leaving hers. Not for a second. He bit down on his lower lip seemingly in deep thought.

‘Take the panties down Rey’ – he said but it sounded more like a command. A bit of unease resurfaced in her, but she pushed it successfully back from wherever it came from. Ben must have sensed it and deemed it a failure on her part, because in the next moment, the new set of underwear was torn from her body, the ripping of the fabric matching the loud heartbeats crawling up in her throat.  Always that thin thread of hesitation. Rey gasped.

‘There’s no need for those now babe. We can’t be close enough with clothes in the way. That’s just… not right Rey. Do you understand?’ – she didn’t but saying that would have been another failure on her part, Rey thought. She slowly nodded because there really wasn’t anything else she felt like she could do. She loved Ben, more than anything. He was just as scared of losing her as she was losing him.

‘Help me with the rest?’ – he indicated his boxers that hand low on his hips, showcasing a line defined line of V disappearing under them. She had seen where those lines lead and exactly what the black material hid underneath before, but it was new, what he asked of her. So far, he was the one who initiated most things. Which shouldn’t have surprised her given the fact that they were siblings, and he was older. Their souls connected the moment they met, and now it was just their bodies keeping up.

Rey just had to grow up a bit faster than she had expected for that to happen. Her throat felt a bit dry. The shaking didn’t go away either. He let her fingers move freely, his gaze burning through her last resolves.

‘I was thinking maybe we could do something different this time.’ – he announced, and Rey kept silent. She pushed the hem of his underwear lower, then stopped, but eventually he got rid of it himself.

‘Did you know there’s a way we would never be separated?’ – he asked after returning to the bed, and Rey averted her eyes. All she knew was that she wanted them to never be apart again, even if his touches sometimes were uncomfortable or hurt a little. Love can hurt. It means you are alive. It means you are not alone.

Rey shook her head, slowly as to not strain her neck any further. A thin strand of half-dried saliva was already a foreign sensation there from Ben’s kisses. He was brushing a stray strand of her hair briefly pulling his fingers over her small freckles. Her hair fell back onto his blue pillow.

‘You just have to let me inside of you.’ – he whispered to her, no hesitation lacing his words, just confidence. Rey’s brows furrowed in confusion. Inside? How? Her soul would never be whole without him, but she didn’t know if he could be any deeper engraved than he already was.  

Ben must have taken her silence as an indication because he lied down beside her on the bed and hoist her up, so she was sitting on his abdomen. It was barely an inconvenience for a man like him to hold her there. Rey weighed 90 pounds at most, and it was the heaviest weight she’d been since the orphanage.

He steadied her by the hips, and she felt his fingertips grazing the side of her buttocks. The entirely foreign position filled her with a new sense of anxiety as she gripped onto Ben if he was a new source of life force. But the expression he wore reminded her of someone else… someone starving, and she was the key to his survivor. Rey had the overwhelming feeling of being in the middle of nowhere, lost and at the same time, in the center of his universe found.

‘I don’t… understand Ben.’ – her voice came out uncertain, posture a bit hunched over, exposed to his penetrating gaze.

‘I know, my beautiful Rey. I know. I won’t hurt you. I just need to be inside you, so we’d never be separated again.’ – he touched her cheek in a reassuring manner, but it didn’t swipe out her hesitance. The heat he ignited inside her was still there, previously covered by her panties and now dangerously close to him. Did he mean…?

Rey’s eyes widened followed by a whimper when her brother lifted her up and oriented her over his erection. The tip was already pushing it’s way inside.

‘Ben. Ben. I’m… scared, I… I haven’t done anything like this before. I’m…I’m sorry.’ – She’d heard something from the Matron, but she was always very vague. Some of the boys gave explanations, but it was more like teasing. They used to tease her about it, how she was a pathetic no use nobody, a pathetic virgin they’d said. They offered to help her get rid of that defect of hers, as they had called it, but she ran away. One of the reasons her body was littered with the faint scars was because she’d said no multiple times and hid in the garden for hours, until the Matron found her.

After a while they got bored (or Rey liked to think the Matron stopped them) and moved on, but it was only just a few weeks prior to her adoption. With Ben she could forget about all that happened behind those walls, but what he was asking of her now was too similar to her memories. She wanted him to stop and… just hold her.

All those years, the silent tears, prayers, and small wishes muffled by her pillow couldn’t be erased.

Ben paused.

‘I know, Rey. I know. Don’t be afraid. I’m not going to hurt you. I just…’ – he sighed, a small change in his eyes. Was that desperation in them? Or a fragment of her imagination? Why would Ben be desperate? He combed through her hair with his long arms.

‘I know how strong you are. My strong little girl. But you’re not alone anymore. I just… I want you to know, to feel how much you mean to me.’ He sighed.  ‘I don’t want to lose you.’ – Ben turned them over so Rey could feel the soft sheets under her and his body pressing into her. His movements were slow and cautious, but it still hurt when he entered her this way. Ben’s big hand left on her mouth prevented her scream to manifest. ‘Shh, shhh, baby. I’m here. No one can hurt you.’ – she was writhing under him and felt being torn apart.

Rey closed her eyes and started drawing the small silvery thread she had always imagined as a child to… take her away. Leading her to her parents where she’d be happy and not hurt. But she was aware her parents were downstairs now and not in an imaginary land and would be very much disappointed in her for behaving like this Instead, she imagined Ben hugging her in the kitchen, just hugging, until the pain subsided. She had no other or any other place to think of.

But it wasn’t working. Her brother’s fingers interlaced themselves with hers, shackling her to the present and his other hand was leaning too close to her head. The pillow moved underneath. The whole bed was wavering in perfect sync to his thrusts. Only Ben’s low growls filled the room. He was everywhere. Gentle kisses. Soft touches. Internal wounds. Everywhere.

He wasn’t aggressive, but it hurt, even if he was becoming slower and slower with every passing minute. He was still fully connected to her in more level than the one obvious inside her as he kissed her on the mouth. He was taking his time, biting down on her lower lip, and not letting even her small whimpers escape. She opened her eyes because she thought she heard him say she should, but at that point she wasn’t fully there. She couldn’t.

He pulled the corner of his mouth into a half-smile after lifting his head so he could have a full view of Rey’s wide, shining eyes. It took years to find what he needed, what he desperately wanted his whole life. He was so grateful to finally have her. Now she’d never leave him, he was going to make sure of it. He wanted what his parents had. Their love was all he ever wanted, envied really.  It saddened him that it hurt her, but it won’t hurt forever. He’ll make sure of it.

‘T-Thank you. Thank you. Please don’t cry.’ – Ben panted to her ear in soft tones. Then he lowered his head, so their noses were touching. His full attention on his sister, his eyes searching for something Rey wasn’t sure she could give him. Maybe he already took it.

‘See, nothing bad happened. I’m here. Stay still for me.’ – Rey just stared up at him. She felt tears in her eyes but wasn’t sure when she started crying. Ben’s dark curtain of hair touching her skin suddenly felt very heavy. His rapid breathing decreased in intensity over the time he hovered above her, and she did her best to match hers with his. The scorching heat from where they were connected still radiated throughout Rey’s whole body.

She felt the warmness but also the strange cold that followed in it’s path. She squeezed Ben’s hand.

Nothing bad happened, she repeated the words over and over. Ben was here.  

When he finally pulled out of her and their bodies were once again separated, she didn’t feel relief. She didn’t feel anything. Just the cold sizzling around her, inside her. When Ben pulled her into his arms pushing her stiff back close to his front as he did many times before, Rey didn’t resist and stayed still as Ben asked.

Sticky warmness was oozing out of her no matter how hard she squeezed her thighs together. Rey didn’t understand what had happened or was happening. She didn’t ask though.  Just lied there, following the rhythm of Ben’s inhales and exhales.

She had lost the silver thread.  But Ben was there, and his hand around her mid-section and the way he whispered into her ear told her she didn’t need it anymore.

‘I love you, Rey. We belong to each other.’

Sleep didn’t come for a long time for her as she stared ahead in the dark.

Ben’s arms tightened a few times during the night, his heartbeat becoming less and less erratic. At some point her eyelids grew heavy too and she accepted the darkness that followed. Why did being loved hurt so much?

Chapter Text

The hot water was running down over Rey’s stiff shoulders as she stood under the metal shower head. Her wet hair clung to her neck and upper back like a second skin and the scent of the shampoo his brother was massaging into her scalp was everywhere, along with his quiet humming. Strawberries and vanilla filled the stall, blurring the closed glass door, not letting steam to escape.

Ben pulled her closer, so the spray didn’t linger on one spot for too long.

‘Rey, you can open your eyes now.’ – his movements had stopped. She could feel the small bubbles cascading down, following the course of her spine down to the pale grey tiles under her bare feet. Her hands were hanging down by her side because Ben asked her not to cover up. It was so silly of her, she knew now.

When she slowly lifted her eyelids, Ben had already stepped aside and squatted down in front of her, holding her shaking left hand in his much bigger one. His gaze was resting solely on her face, all warm shades mixing until the unique hazel of his irises boring into hers as he squeezed her hand affectionately. It only hurt when he clasped some of her earlier bruises.

Ben didn’t wear clothes either, but that was okay. No one wears clothes to the shower.

Rey still felt weird from last night, even though Ben had carried her to the bathroom treating her like a princess and not once letting her out of arm’s reach. But it wasn’t Ben or his unintentional strength that scared her when a small but audible gasp left her lips.

The blood she hadn’t noticed before on her inner thigh now stood in bright contrast to her pale skin.

Ben let go of her hand and grabbed ahold of her thigh, not acknowledging her reaction. He started to wash between her legs, a small sponge already in hand. It felt like he was stroking her. Rey watched paralyzed as the blood swirled around, and eventually went down the drain. She had to steady herself on Ben’s shoulders, because she wasn’t sure she could stand on her own at that point. All of it seemed so surreal to her, like she was floating around while her body was anchored to the ground by Ben’s strong hand. It was blood. Her own blood.

‘All shiny and clean baby, just a little bit more here, aand. Done.See?’ – He’d told her it’s perfectly normal to bleed after… what they did. He told her over and over again once she had awoken between his arms that morning. How he knew she was perfect. His.

‘B-Ben. I don’t… feel… good. Are you sure it’s… normal?’

He put his hands on top of hers on his shoulders, and rose slowly, pulling her even closer in the process. The sponge he used laid forgotten on the tiles some remains of blood still evident on it. Ben brushed her few stray hairs from her face.

All of him was pressing against her.

‘You want a blue or a white towel babe? The white is my favorite … I’ll let you wear it. You look perfect in white.’ – he answered his own question without missing a beat. His tone was so casual, perfectly calm, nothing in it that could indicate he was angry at Rey for bleeding all over their shared bathroom’s floor.

She was worried though. If he kept forgetting about how tall he was compared to her, she’d end up knocking the back of her head into the wall. He stopped before that could’ve happened though.

Ben didn’t react to her earlier quiet question, but Rey thought that it was probably because he already assured her a couple of times and he didn’t want to repeat himself. She felt so ashamed for bringing it up again. The blood was already gone. Stop worrying Rey - she chided herself.

‘The-the white sounds great. Thank…Thank you Ben.’ – she let her head rest on his chest, with two unsure tiny fists joining. Ben was and will always be the only person she could trust with all her insecurities. She had to stop doubting herself.

He laid a gentle kiss on her temple and hugged her to him. Rey wanted Ben to hold her, more than anything else in the world. Was this how every little sister felt when looking at their big brother? He was her knight and his armor protected them both. She felt safe.

But he pulled back all too soon, hauled her into his arms, and carried her out of the stall. They both were soaking wet and being pressed into Ben’s chiseled chest was weird enough without him being naked.

‘Ben, we’re dripping water all over.’ – they made a huge puddle already on the black-grey patterned floor, but Ben only laughed at her bewildered face and didn’t bother putting her down. He asked Rey to grab the two towels he mentioned from the rack on their way back to his room. He acted like the rack was some sort of royalty, and bowed deep with her in his arms, making it actually harder for Rey to reach them.

She couldn’t help but laugh at his theatrics, easing the uncomfortable feeling deep in her stomach. ‘I didn’t know you were the bowing type.’

‘I only bow for my little princess.’ – he said confidently, every earlier lightheartedness gone from his voice, and Rey blushed deeply at his words. She unconsciously hugged the towels closer to her chest when Ben looked at her with a hard expression, only before one of his rare smiles broke out on his face.

‘Does this princess still want to go to school? Just pretend you’re ill and…’

‘Ben! I’m not gonna miss school. I can’t. Put me down.’ – she snapped, already regretting her sudden outburst at his suggestion. But she loved school, at least the learning part.

He shook his head, with one playful dimple still adorning his features while he exited the bathroom with Rey in his arms. Why was her heart beating so fast?

She was afraid she’d soak all the carpet in the hallway too, but Ben didn’t seem worried at all. His strides were definitely not rushed.

Arriving In the room Rey found herself on the bed in a standing position. Ben used the white towel to dry her up from head to toe and slapped her hand away when she first wanted to take the puffy thing from him. Ben liked to be in control in all situations. He chuckled at her futile second attempt too. ‘No, Rey, let me take care of you.’

He didn’t see her as the useless little orphan as most people did. Ben was so kind and caring it hurt sometimes. And for him, she tried her hardest to become the best sister ever. She’ll go to the game and cheer for the team as he asked, mostly because she wanted him to be happy.

After Ben was done drying her up, only then draped he the larger blue towel around his waist. To Rey’s utter surprise when she – turned to steal a quick glance behind her to examine how much damage her bleeding caused to Ben’s bed - noticed the sheets had been changed, not a trace of blood or that other whitish fluid on them, and a new set of clothes laid folded on the end of the bed.

It was for her.  

Another turtleneck, this time a pale, cream colored one and light blue jeans she didn’t even remember having, but her mom had gotten her so many things it hardly came as a shock. Ben helped her shift into a sitting position. She couldn’t have done it without him because she still felt weak. Sore even.

‘Lift your arms.’

Her legs dangled beside the bed, not reaching all the way to the floor as she held her arms up for Ben to pull the soft material over her head.

She quietly continued with the other items while Ben got dressed as well, not bothering to turn away. She concentrated on her own clothes.

Ben finished way faster. He ditched his usual dress shirt for a black T-shirt this time and a dark blue sport jacket, along with simple black pants. He looked more like a professional NFL player than a regular high school football coach. 

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‘Oh, here you are! What a wonderful morning my babies. I made waffles with extra syrup. Sit, sit and eat. Your dad head to work early. Said he’ll try and make it to the game, but I quote: “Just for the fun part”.’ – Mom tried to mimic Dad’s voice, not sounding like him at all, but it was still funny. Her long, sky-blue earrings jiggled as she lifted her shoulders just like Dad would do.

Ben laughed and Rey smiled, but she didn’t quite understand what the fun part was supposed to mean. The whole game just sounded pretty intimidating to her.

She hurried to sit down anyway while Mom presented perfectly golden-brown waffles with fresh raspberries and syrup on top, laying it carefully in front of her with a wide smile. It smelled divine and Rey hoped it would make the knot in her stomach go away. Putting clothes on helped with her nausea earlier, so she was hopeful breakfast would do the same or more. Ben walked past behind her, ruffling her hair while doing so.

She didn’t bother with putting her hair into three buns. Ben liked playing with her wavy locks, so the buns would’ve been ruined by the end of the ride to school.

Ben gave their mother a quick hug on the way.

‘I’m so happy to see you smile, Ben. Our little sunshine is really starting to get to you, I see.’ – Leia said while she petted Ben’s back, the bell sleeve of her blue dress complimenting his dark blue jacket perfectly.

Rey noticed her mother looked less tired this morning compared to yesterday’s dinner. Rey had been a bit anxious about Dad and Ben’s little fight, but their dad had a lot on his plate lately, so she just hoped his day will be without any major problems, and maybe he’d join them at the game later. They could sit together.

Ben was already rummaging through the fridge when she finally lifted her fork to take the first bite. Her mom was a true baking queen, everything she made was perfect the point where it was almost unbelievable.

‘Thanks Mom. These are amazing.’

‘Hope you like them sweetheart. Don’t have to eat all of them right now, just eat as much as you prefer … Um sweety, I was wondering maybe tomorrow we could bake something together if you’d like… After homework of course.’ – Leia returned to washing the dishes, her back facing Rey now who held the fork midway between her mouth and the plate. After her quickest and most instinctive nod ever Rey muttered an ‘I’d really like that Mom.’ too.  She became so excited, but the strange knot in her tummy just didn’t want to leave so her excitement wasn’t mirrored by her words.

Ben sat down next to her, with his fingers leaving trails straight to her lower back and an already opened bottle of water in his other hand.

Mom turned back to give them a beaming smile, but otherwise let them enjoy the breakfast. The waffles were truly fantastic, Rey ate all three of them. Ben was eating eggs because he said it was important to get in as much protein as possible, even if he was not an actual player anymore. “Coaching doesn’t mean you can let yourself go” – he said. He was very serious about exercise too, Rey had noticed that, but today he seemed especially determined and in a very good mood.

Ben grabbed the lunch bag already prepared for her on the counter on their way out, but not before both thanked their mother for the breakfast.

Rey grabbed her hoodie before Ben had to. It was more like a safety blanket than an actual clothing piece.

Her mother hugged her a bit too tightly when they were saying goodbye and asked quietly if she needed her to write a note to her PE teacher or anything, but Rey told her no and just hugged her back. It was confusing. Did her mother know about the knot in her tummy without her telling?

She didn’t understand her question until she sat in the car on their way to school: Mom had to have been the one to change the sheets and bring the clothes. Rey paled considerably. But mom didn’t show an ounce of anger for ruining part of Ben’s bedding set or just in general about the blood. She just acted all happy and a little… concerned. For what?

If what Ben said was true, and of course it was, then everything was fine. She was fine. The cramps started to fade away, only leaving a small uncomfortable feeling behind, but it had been there the moment Ben entered her. Maybe even before.

Something has changed and yet, nothing has changed. The hardest part was for her to make it look like nothing has changed, and everything was easy. She tried. For Ben.

‘You have all the books you’ll need?’ – Ben asked as he casually rested his hand over her jeans-clad thighs for the third time in three days. It was his way of getting her attention because she kept zoning out sometimes. She couldn’t recall everything from the night before either.

Rey nodded, though she didn’t second check what she packed like she had done the days before.

He turned all his attention on her now, leaning closer. ‘Great. That’s great. I’ll be around for the day, last-minute prep for the little fuckers. Text if someone bothers you, okay?’

‘I hope they forgot all about me by now but… thank you Ben.’ – Rey answered quietly, pulling on the sleeves of her hoodie absentmindedly. Ben cared.

After only a moment of hesitation, she gave him a quick peck on the cheek.

His hand moved to the nape of her neck so suddenly as he roughly pulled her closer, Rey let go of her bag and it tumbled to the car floor. Ben pulled her whole body onto his lap with one motion and kissed her vehemently.

He was kissing her on the lips while his other hand found the spot on her back where her ribs ended under the thin cream fabric she wore. Everything happened so fast Rey didn’t have time to protest. She’d never sat in his lap before, and certainly not in the car, not while he was kissing her the way he did. Clearly new experience.

When Ben let her up to let her have a somewhat deeper breath, not letting the wheel to dig into her back, instead holding her firm with one hand, while the other moved and twisted around her left upper arm, a tad too forcefully. He whispered: ‘Say it, Rey.’

Her breathing was not quite back to normal when she replied, trying not to sound as awed as she was. He just wanted her to text.

‘I- I will, Ben. I promise.’ – Rey’s somewhat free hand hesitantly sought out his chest.

‘Good girl.’ – he pulled down the neck-part of her turtleneck as he leaned down and laid small kisses all over her skin, first at her left side then over her right carotid artery. He didn’t let an inch without being devoured.

Rey closed her eyes.

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‘Do you really think this awful outfit will fool anyone? Hate to break it to you, Ley, but it won’t. Tell me, what’s it like to be a maid to the Solo’s? I heard the Sheriff once shot someone because the guy said something about his precious wife. Have you said something bad about your new mama yet, ha?’

Phasma found her not long after Rey stepped foot into school. Ben left for the field where Rey supposed the team will have that scheduled morning practice. Poe was nowhere in sight when she sat down into her now usual seat at the front, neither was Rose. Luckily, the boy who always had the headphone on sat behind her, and seemed completely uninterested this time, his head was bowing to the music.

But avoiding Phasma would’ve been too much to ask for. She and her two friends stood beside her slumped form now. Rey tried to be invisible, she really did as she pulled the hoodie tighter around her, but it was of no use. Do not let her get to you – she repeated in her head.

That girl had said so many cruel things about her and her family, all the things she made up… Her dad wasn’t a murderer. She was not a maid.

She didn’t understand what Phasma meant by the fooling anybody with it part though. She didn’t want to fool anyone. She wished her hoodie would hide all of her, including the neck part of her shirt and … her fear of being ridiculed. Why couldn’t she just leave her alone?

Rey stared straight into her lap, really not wanting to respond and give them the opportunity to pick on her more.

‘Kaydel, Jess, I think she was severely traumatized. The little whore can’t speak now. You had a mouthful, didn’t you? … I’ve seen how you looked at my Poe, you slut.’- she leaned in closer, so Rey had to look up and face her, because she was inches from her face.

‘Isn’t being the sheriff’s spawn and having a hot brother enough, you want to fuck your way through the whole football team too?’ – Rey felt how her perfectly manicured, long silver and white painted nails prodded her collarbone through the black material of her hoodie, but what hurt most was her insinuations. She didn’t even have… a boyfriend and didn’t want Phasma’s boyfriend or anyone else’s.

All she had was her brother. A little ping of a new feeling appeared in her stomach when the other girl referred to Ben as hot, but she quickly willed it away.

She had to stand up for herself.

‘My Dad… he’s a good man… and my brother is the kindest person I’ve ever known. And I’m… I’m not a maid trying to steal anyone from you. I’m not a… whore either. Please, I’m sorry if I gave false impressions, but I’d never hurt you like that.’ - Why would she think that? Because Rey talked to Poe for a few minutes?

The blonde snorted and looked between her two companions. Slowly the classroom was filling up and a few people were already watching them with curious gazes. Rey wished a hole would open and let her sink through the floor. Tears were already forming in her eyes, but she tried to maintain her composure and hold them at bay.

The girl in a tight pink top next to Phasma stepped closer now and hissed into Rey’s face:

‘Don’t you dare lie, you pathetic bitch. I don’t know why you’d think Poe or any of the boys would show you any attention… I bet you give horrible bj’s anyway’ – a few snickered behind them and laughter came from everywhere. Rey was on the verge on storming out of the room and find a quiet stall in the girl’s restroom, but a familiar voice interrupted the three.

‘L-leave… Rey alone or… I’ll tell Ms. Holdo.’

The stuttering voice belonged to Rose. She stood there, in her usual long skirt and a light green sweater, her hold dangerously tight around the strap of her bag. She was obviously just as nervous as Rey, but the unexpected interruption meant so much to the newest Solo.

The three girls all turned around at once, Phasma’s right hand bended at the elbow in a dramatic gesture.

‘Yeah Rosie? You? Guess sluts are meant for each other… Getting close?... Does Hux know? He lets you stray?’ – Phasma asked, and each word cut right through the air.

Rose averted her eyes but stepped closer to Rey. She opened her mouth to speak then closed it.

‘Oh, hey everyone, we’re celebrating a birthday today?’ – came Ms. Holdo’s voice from the door as she took in the small gathering in the front.

Phasma’s whole attacking demeanor changed in the blink of an eye, but the sarcasm was evident in her voice when she cheerfully took upon herself to break the silence.

‘Huh no, actually Ley here doesn’t have a birthday because of the sad orphan…thing, so we thought we’d cheer her up, right Jess?’

‘Yeah, totally.’ – came the black-haired girl’s answer without missing a beat. ‘Girl is so lost without us.’ – the smile she paired with that sentence could have melt an entire iceberg.

‘Ooo, that’s so sweet of you all. But let’s continue after class.’ – Ms. Holdo put her rack of books onto the table and organized it in a little less chaotic manner than last time. Phasma gave Rey a death glare while passing and her two companions followed suit. Rey couldn’t help but pull on the hem of her hoodie. Ley. Ms. Holdo didn’t notice the hidden meaning behind Phasma’s nor Jessika’s words, and she probably didn’t even hear them mispronounce her name.

How Rey missed Ben.

Rose sat down in the empty chair on Rey’s left when Ms. Holdo looked straight at her because she was the last one standing while everyone else had slipped past the commotion as fast as they could and took their seats.

Rey wasn’t sure Rose would accept her gratitude or another apology, not after what happened yesterday, but she muttered her silent thank you anyway, then focused her gaze back on the board and their teacher’s wide hand gestures. The purple color in Amilyn Holdo’s hair served as a perfect description for her overall bubbly personality and the floral dress she was wearing that day gave Rey a strange sense of calm, especially when she twirled while reciting the poems for the lesson.

She clutched her red pen between her fingers and tried not to turn around every time she heard her name whispered.

Miss Holdo went on with the lesson without any interruption.

Chapter Text

‘Um Rey, can we talk for a second?’ – Rey heard Rose call her name when the last class of the day ended (without the usual added ten minutes by the ever so meticulous Mr. Calrissien). Rey really enjoyed Math and she paid attention without forcing herself to do so. Math was intriguing, and it felt great to be good at something for the first time in her life.

It also helped that neither Phasma, nor her two allies shared the class with her and Rose. There were still murmurs around her though, which only encouraged Rey concentrate harder on everything that the teacher wrote on the black board, and on her notes.

Rose had been sitting beside her and asked her help on one of the equations.

However, Rey was genuinely surprised and a bit nervous when Rose pulled her into one of the empty restrooms farthest from the cafeteria, and quickly closed the door behind them.

‘I’m so sorry I was… rude to you yesterday. I-I really am.’ – Rose started, pulling her sweater tighter around her, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. Rey noticed she wasn’t wearing her glasses today. Her eyes looked slightly puffier than normal, and she kept touching her temple from time to time like her glasses were there. She looked nervous and genuinely sorry.

Rey rushed to reassure her.

‘It’s okay, Rose. I get it… Really. You don’t have to pity me. I-I can get by my own.’ – Her voice wasn’t as confident as she wanted it to be.

She understood it was not the wisest idea to become friends with the “orphan maid” or whatever else they’d been calling her whenever they had the chance. It hurt but Rey didn’t lie when she said she can handle it by her own. She had to be strong enough to ignore the taunts and jokes, and it’ll be fine, it was similar to what she endured at the orphanage. Although she had her hopes high about that it would be different here.

Her mom and dad, and Ben would be devastated to hear she was so weak, and the last thing she wanted was to embarrass her family.

‘No, I’m… please don’t think that… please… this is so messed up.’ – Rose’s voice cracked as she stepped closer and pulled Rey’s hands into hers.

Why was she so disturbed?

‘Rose, no, no, it’s okay… But are you sure you’re okay?... Is it because Armitage? I know you guys are together.’ – Rey got really worried that this whole thing was because of those rumors about her, and the football team and Rose wanted to confront her. Phasma made up a whole bunch of nonsense that Rose might have heard and thought her boyfriend was Rey’s “next victim”. Rey hadn’t even talked to any team members besides Poe.

‘I don’t want to…I… I’m not after the team, or anyone else really. Phasma saw me talking to Poe and… she assumed… but I’m not... I swear.’ – Rey blurted out and held her breath in waiting for Rose’s reaction.

‘What? No. It isn’t what you think… with him… he’s…’

The door creaked open behind them, and they both turned on reflex, with Rose taking two big steps further into the room automatically.

Just when she mentioned him…

Hux stood there, frowning, and Rose’s knees started to shake as the result of the razor-sharp glare he gave her the moment he made eye contact. When he spotted Rey though, it was more like he was using that razor to cut her open from the inside out and waited for her to bleed out on the not-so-clean floor.

Usually, if someone were to stare at Rey the way Armitage Hux did, she would’ve been compelled to run. It was… sinister and filled with so much anger.  

But running was not an option, because he blocked the entire doorway.

He wore black ripped jeans and a black T shirt under his usual letter jacket. Although he had practically ignored her since they first met, with how it mixed with his intimidating height and cold expression now, his ignorance obviously shifted to something else.

Rose ran to him.

He pulled her closer, tucking her to his side.

“What are you doing here?” - Rose spoke quieter than she intended to, but at least her voice didn’t shake like her hands did.

“The question is, what are you doing here Rosie? I’ve been looking for you… Don’t like when you disappear on me.’ – he whispered into her hair while he caressed her upper arm, his attention settling on her entirely, but Rey knew he was not done with her.

‘New girl giving you any trouble?’

‘No, no. She was already leaving… when I came in, A-Armie. Just asked if I knew where Mr. Solo is. But I-I don’t.’ – Rose replied, and her eyes were strictly on him while she talked, holding onto his jacket with two hands, twisting her torso in an unnatural way. Rey had the distant feeling, if she had more hands, those would’ve been there too.

He pulled her sweater tighter over her chest as if he knew the top button on it was missing.

It was strange, that button had been there yesterday, Rey saw it, because Rose had worn the exact same sweater. But more important questions were popping up inside her mind:

Why was he in the girl’s restroom? Why was she lying? Why did he look at me like I murdered his relatives?

‘Is that so?... Missing your brother so much?’ – Hux asked mockingly to Rey after he got Rose’s bag from her – by the straps that already slipped down onto her upper arms - and threw it over his right shoulder.

He was such a weird guy. Not very nice to people in general as Rey had noticed, but he was popular. And after seeing this small gesture, if he was like that with Rose all the time, she could understand why they were an item. He was like Ben. He cared about her.

They even had matching necklaces on which Rey hadn’t noticed before.

His being bigger and heavier of course, but with the same small pendant on. His was cast with silver and hang on a brown leather necklace over his black T-shirt, while Rose’s was gold and on a silver cord. Both half-moons that complimented each other’s.

Missing your brother so much? – she answered, though it probably wasn’t a real question - :

‘I was looking for Ben yeah. Do-Do you know where I can find him?’ – she could’ve easily text him about where he was, but it wouldn’t hurt to ask Hux and pretend she wasn’t intimidated by his death glare or this public display of affection.

Okay, he wasn’t a fan of her, and feared Rey would somehow corrupt her girlfriend - at least that was the only explanation she could come up with.

Based on the fact he had his hair a lot more unruly than he normally did, she guessed he had some last-minute training that meant Ben had finished for the afternoon as well. She only had tonight’s game to go through and then… weekend.

‘Sure. Last I saw him, he was shouting the head off of one of the pathetic newbies in the office. You should check your damn phone more often, he was in one of his maniacal moods all day.’ – Rey eyes closed with mortification.

‘He’s such a nice guy, ya know, looking out for his sister and all… Go run and cheer him up.’ – he added with a playfulness in his voice that wasn’t there earlier. Call it instinct or an intuition, but something lurked behind that football star image that terrified Rey.

Rose just looked unsure at him, then at her for the briefest moment, but didn’t say anything, and Rey took the hint. The conversation was over.

Hux stepped to the side to let Rey exit and she did exactly that. But when she stepped out to the hallway, he called after her and Rey turned back, clutching the hem of her hoodie like a life force.

‘Oh, and Rey… stop invading our life.’ – Rey opened her mouth to protest, but he slammed the door right in front of her face, causing the two girls walking by the restrooms to look at her questioningly. When they realized who she was, disdain replaced the questioning looks and they walked off without a word. Rey scrubbed under her eyes with her sleeve, willing her tears to remain at bay.

Why was he so adamant about her not bothering him? And Rose? She said she was sorry. Stop invading our life. She didn’t understand what she did that angered him so much.

But sorry doesn’t mean she wants to be your friend dummy…

She only hoped he was much nicer to Rose than he was towards her. He had to be, since Rose seemed to agree with everything he had said.  

Also, it occurred to her while she walked, that Hux hadn’t been to class all day, much like Poe. All the other players returned from the morning practice, but they hadn’t.

Whatever. She wanted to crawl under her blanket with Ben’s hands hugging her tightly.

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Rose watched as Hux’s shadow blocked the light the only window let inside the small restroom, before his big hand turned the handle and swung it closed, leaving her alone with him.      

She had never really known Armitage Hux until that moment, when he had her at his complete mercy, pushing her body backwards until her back hit the door. Her breathing cut off when he cradled her cheeks between his thumb and index finger and brushed his lips against hers.

It wasn’t a kiss, it was a threat.

A warning she knew was coming the moment he stepped inside the lady’s room.       

No matter how many times he did this to her, forcing himself on her, the stress of this particular day and what happened yesterday made her do something she had never done before. Rose reacted without thinking, yanking back her hand and slapping him.

She just wanted to have a friend, but he didn’t like when she spoke to others.

He didn’t lurch backwards, only his hand came up and prodded his mouth, running his hand over his reddened cheek. He started to laugh, wishing she could melt into the door. She stared down at her hands as though they were foreign. What had she done?

‘That was hot, babe. I knew you had it in you.’ – he chuckled, showcasing a set of pearly white teeth.

It was supposed to be flight-or-fight, but Rose did neither. She stood there, frozen in place. Didn’t even had time to stagger forward because he grabbed her neck. Coming in contact with the door didn’t feel any less painful the second time around, even though she was considerably number this time.

He twirled a stray strand of his hair, lightly tugging on it. His nose brushed hers as he whispered: ’Do you really want to fight me?’

She swallowed, reluctantly staring up into his dark gaze. Turning away would anger him, she knew that by now.

For a moment there was a look she didn’t understand, but then it was gone, and they were breathing together.        

‘Can fuck you right here if you’re quiet, Rosie. Hmm what do you say?’

He didn’t wait for her answer.

Another button was ripped from her favorite sweater.

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As Rey strode through the school’s huge, stony arch on her way to the sports building, she tried to mimic her parents’ confidence and keep a straight posture no matter how down she felt. 

‘Hey Charity where you off? Wanna pass the time till Daddy Sheriff arrives’ - She heard a boy, who she hadn’t seen before, call after her. She wanted to stop and tell him to mind his own business, that he is vile and cruel and that his insinuation was disgusting. That her dad would be mad if he knew about all the remarks.

She really wanted to but shook the inner voice away and forged through. Fortunately, he didn’t follow her or anything.

Not many people lingered in the hallway when she turned the corner to the locker rooms, which was odd considering how excited everybody was for the game with all the hangers and even a few posters aligning the walls everywhere in school, mostly with Poe and his signature smile on them, clapping Hux on the shoulder and box into the air. Both were definitely on their way to going pro judging by the size of them on those things, compared to the rest of the team.

She pulled out her phone and quickly checked if Ben had texted, and there were indeed several new messages from her brother from the last twenty minutes. For a split second, she felt a bath of cold ice trickle down her spine. What if Ben thought something happened to her and was worried or thought she was ignoring him?

Her head bowed Rey scrolled through the messages, to see if Ben had specified where he was, but a hard chest she walked into prevented her from doing so and she stumbled back.

His familiar scent filled her senses and his arms caught her just in time to prevent a serious injury. Okay, phones were not meant to be read while walking…

‘Sorry… B-Ben’ – she muttered looking up as her phone got taken out of her hand. Sorry for bumping into you, sorry for being a failure of a sister – she wanted to add but couldn’t.

Ben seemed furious. But Rey wasn’t sure the word described it well enough, how his nostrils flared as his grip tightened around her hip or how he eyed the screen of her phone before he looked down and pierced her entire soul with his darkened hazel irises.

‘Where the hell were you, Rey?’ – He glanced around, to check if anyone was watching them. Through her desperate haze, Rey tried to do the same. There was only a younger boy clumsily trying to open his locker and two girls gossiping at the end of the hallway, but he still deemed it too many apparently, because the next thing Rey knew, is that her butt hit one of the old chairs in the nearest classroom. It was a small one filled with art supplies, probably where the banners were made. The lights were dim, and no one was inside.

Her bag hit the floor just as the door closed behind them.

Ben wore a white T shirt that had a small reddish stain low on his side and was in perfect contrast to his thunderous eyes. Rey saw this side of him before when they had changed from the calm hazel to something… less comforting.

He had her phone in his hand and was now towering over her seated form, throwing aside the small desk between them. It tumbled loudly over a stack of papers lying around.

‘I’m listening. Where. Were. You, baby?’ – he leaned down and held the phone in front of her like it was evidence of a crime. She promised she’d text.

She reached for his other hand to at least try to calm him. He liked if she touched him.

‘Ben. I-I was with Rose. She wanted to talk and say sorry, and I was-I was so happy that I forgot to text you. Nothing else happened. I promise.’ – He was examining her face for a second longer before he let her touch him but whatever he saw must have been convincing enough. Rey didn’t want him to know about Hux’s threats.

‘Rose?... Hux’s girl, right? The guy is all hung up on her.’ – Rey nodded, though it still seemed foreign that the two were together and Hux would actually talk about his relationship to his coach. – ‘He’s a real pain in the ass sometimes… but efficient enough.’  

‘Guy is obsessed ‘bout three things: training, weed and that girl. Probably not in that order… I hope his girl was a lot less of a bad influence. Said her sorry-s good enough.’

Good enough?  

Ben straightened and pulled her over onto the teacher’s desk, knocking a few markers to the floor in the process. Not really paying attention to Rey’s weak protests: ‘Ben, what are you doing? Please put me down, we’re in school!... You need to remember where we are.’

‘Didn’t you miss me?’ – Rey’s breath came in nervous, ragged gasps as she felt his muscular form enveloping her from above. The desk creaked under the weight of his right hand pushing down on it, caging Rey in from one side, forcing her to bend completely backwards.

‘I-I did. I missed you so much.’ – she whispered shyly.

Ben leaned down and kissed her so forcefully she was sure if he wasn’t holding the back of her head with his left, there would already be a bruise forming. Half-lying on the desk with only her toes touching the floor, it was a whole new experience.

’When. We. Get. Home’ – his voice lowered – ’after this game, I’m… not going to be gentle… okay? Let’s hope we lose today, babe.’ – He was so close that she could make out the small beauty moles adorning his cheeks.

But his words didn’t register. Rey inhaled sharply as his hand slid underneath her borrowed skirt (which she got from Miss Holdo, because someone spilled ketchup all over her jeans), tracing the inside of her thigh. She knew she should stop him, but she didn’t. It didn’t matter that they were in school.

She needed his fingers to keep inching upwards, to make her forget.

He slipped one finger underneath her panties, and then another, and Rey let out a whimper. They kept sliding, searching for her opening, and just when she was on the verge to forgot where they were and why, he pulled away.

‘Pull yourself together. We have an appearance to make baby… It’ll be fun.’ - When Rey attempted to get up, his arm shot up and slammed on the desk by her side, tilting his head to the side.

‘By the way, I like the new skirt.’

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‘Have you seen Poe somewhere? I wanted to give him his good luck kiss, but he totally disappeared on me… Ahh, how I hate this uniform. I wanted the stripes to be red...  Jess, are you even listening?’ – Rose heard Phasma ask behind her shoulders, obviously talking to Jessika Pava.

Rose was seated in the front row, shifting uncomfortably in her seat pulling on her long skirt as if somehow it could make her sin disappear. Her purity ring glistened falsely in the last rays of sun that reached the bleachers, and she desperately tried to pay attention to Phasma instead of her broken soul. It was not working.

Armitage had been in a fairly good mood after they left the bathroom. He collected… all he wanted, and a few good luck kisses too. It wasn’t their first kiss. He had kissed her many times before, but never like this. What would her father say if he found out? No, he couldn’t.

She was a bookish outcast, and he was a jock. She didn’t understand why he wanted… to be intimate with her. He hated her.

Thinking back to when they were kids, she could remember how he teased her over her braces or her two pigtails. He had laughed about the gap in beetween her front teeth. And when her family moved here, to Rose’s utter dismay, his moved too, thanks to their dads working for the same company. Or more specifically, her dad working for his.

’Hey, nun! You hadn’t seen him either?’ – Phasma’s screeching voice cut through the air, and pulled Rose out of her memories.

’Nun?’

‘Sorry Phasma. Um, I think I hadn’t seen him today.’ – She hoped Armie had nothing to do with it. He hated Poe, but he liked to pretend they were friends for whatever reason.

Chapter Text

Ben was behaving weirdly.

When he bent down to lift the desk he had thrown to the side, Rey cautiously rose from the table, her hands trembling as she reached down and righted her wrinkled skirt. What he did, what they did was wrong. And disturbing in a whole new level.

When his hands slid up on her legs, it filled her with a desperate need. A need for him to not stop, which she hadn’t really felt before, not with him sometimes forgetting to ask if she was okay with the things he wanted to do.

In a classroom, in the middle of a busy school afternoon when anyone could have walk in and notice them. Rey was ashamed, which was quickly replaced by worry. She had overheard Phasma say the other day talking about expulsion. What would her parents say?

Ben didn’t seem anxious, at all. When he was ready rearranging the damage his little fit caused in the dimly lit room (not including all the markers and papers that were still scattered on the floor), he turned back towards her… and smiled.

But that smile wasn’t his usual warm and welcoming one, or the one she so often saw when it was just the two of them alone. Now he had something else in his eyes, something undecipherable with a sinister shine.

Rey nervously tugged on her hoodie’s sleeves when he caught her staring for too long, and he stepped closer to her, forcing her to step further from the door.

‘Rey, what did I tell you? … Put yourself together. Smile, baby. I need you to be happy for me.’ – he lifted her chin, so his eyes were burning into hers. Ever since she had her brother, Rey was so relieved when he looked at her, when she was good enough to receive one of his rare dimples, or when he called her baby.

Those small niceties filled her with a sense of belonging she had never felt before.

But it was really hard for her to smile lately, and she hadn’t noticed it until this point.

A frown appeared on Ben’s forehead along with the disappearance of his angelic smile. His hand wandered upward until he traced the lower border of her lips, first with one, then with two fingers.

‘I. Said. Smile. Is it so hard for you to do… for me? Why are you doing this to me? I do everything for you, for us, so we can be a happy family. The family you’ve ever wanted. What’s wrong, babe? Talk to me.’ – he talked in a calm voice, but Rey knew he was the farthest from calm. Her brother was on an edge she desperately wanted him to return from.

The feel of his fingers on her dry skin was gentle, making her doubt everything she’d been thinking about from the moment they stepped foot in the art room.

“I do everything for you.”

That’s right, you ungrateful girl. He is everything you’ve ever wanted, and you push him away?

You’re out of your mind. You are delusional.

Letting the voices gain the upper hand, she rose to her tiptoes and clutched Ben’s jacket. She whispered:

‘I’m sorry, Ben. I am so so grateful for you, that I get to know you and have you as my brother. I know I’m slow in learning to accept I’m not… alone anymore. But I-I can smile… I will! I will, b-because you make me smile.’ – when you’re not like this (she thought but did not say that out loud).

His hands circled around her waist, and his smile reappeared, turning into a wide grin.

Ben kissed both her cheeks and then her lips when she pressed them against his when he was about to pull away.

All of her senses were flooded with the taste of him, with him.

‘You’re so adorable.’ - Ben murmured when he finally pulled his mouth away from hers, doe like hazel eyes glancing down at her. His fingers slipped to her neck, stroking it, then he kneaded her shoulders until all the tension melted out of them. His little sister’s eyes were glassy.

‘Don’t stress babe. It’s just a game, then we’re good. I’ll take care of you.’

Rey reached for his hand. ‘Ben… can’t I just go home and wait till…’

‘Sorry, can’t hear you’ - he said then grabbed her hand, pulling her out of the room.

The hallway was completely empty this time.

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By the time they reached the bleachers all were packed with people, friends and families everywhere Rey looked. Both teams were already by their assigned benches, the players she recognized and the ones she didn’t all lingering around. Some had a last-minute sip of water or one of those colored stuff she’d seen Poe and Hux drink in class.

A big, bald man on the home team’s side – the Resistance - with the team’s logo plastered on the back of his oversized trainer jacket was shouting something into another shorter man’s ear who was scribbling down everything hastily.

Rey couldn’t believe everything was so loud. Too many people.

She was too afraid to scan the rows in search of her dad or even Rose, so she remained silent while Ben led her to that exact same bench. She wanted nothing more than to be as far as possible from this all, but her body was unconsciously leaning towards Ben anyway.

Right after they reached his team’s not so little “nest”, and she heard him groan when a few of his players looked in their direction - then they just as quickly averted their eyes - he lifted Rey and positioned her over the metal guard rail in one move. It got her by surprise, so she let out a small screech as her brother positioned her tiny body into a seat with no effort whatsoever. She only opened her eyes when her thighs contacted the mildly warm plastic.

It would have been much better if her jeans were on her, rather than the flimsy skirt she had to burrow, but she was still grateful for Miss Holdo for lending her the piece. Less grateful for Ben for other inconveniences that came with it now.

Ben kissed her forehead and ran his hands soothingly over her skirt like a good brother would. ‘Be good, babe. It’s the first game of the season so it’s a pretty big deal. Will be awesome. Watch carefully. The show is for you.’ – he whispered sweetly to her left ear. Rey wondered what he meant by that because this game was most definitely not for her.

She nodded, only stopping when Ben turned his back on her and walked away.

Rey watched him walk away, because doing anything else seemed pointless.

‘Rey?... Are you alright? You seem a little flushed.’ – came from behind her, and she had to take her eyes away from her one and only fix point.

It was Rose, sitting behind her. The same cardigan she had worn earlier now missing another button. It was a curse to be that observant sometimes, because Rey hated imperfections just like her mother did.

Rose reached over and gave Rey’s shoulder a small squeeze, right where Ben’s hands had been. She didn’t wince though.

It felt wrong to have someone else touch her other than Ben, but it was a nice gesture.

Do you want the honest truth? Or a little white lie? ‘I’m fine. Just this is my first “game-watching”. Is that even a thing? I don’t know. I’m nervous.’

Rose giggled - her messy braids shifting with the movement - but it sounded… a bit off. She had on raspberry-colored lip gloss, or at least Rey remembered Mom showing something similar to her when they had that shopping trip a few days ago. It was unusual for Rose to wear make-up.

‘No worries… Hey, try one of these and I guarantee the game will fly by.’ – she said, handing Rey a pink lollipop from her backpack.

Oh.

It wasn’t lip gloss.

Rey wanted to thank her, but then someone placed their arms around her shoulders and turned her back, so she was once again facing the field. The giant clock on the side showed the game will start in five minutes.

Familiar laughter and an even familiar body heat surrounded her, and she immediately knew it was her dad.

He made it here on time.

‘Dad!!! I’m so happy you’re here.’ – Rey almost leaped to hug him, which resulted in yet another chuckle and with him ruffling her hair.

‘Hey kiddo, I wouldn’t miss this, for sure. You excited?’

The anxious sleeve-pulling on Rey’s part answered for her.

Han leaned back in his seat, wearing his trademark leather jacket (and not his uniform) despite being a relatively warm day. Ray-Bans tucked into his shirt this time.

Rey could picture him attending Ben’s games while he was still in high school in the same outfit. Only her mom couldn’t make it, but she already had so many wonderful stories about high schooler Ben anyway.

Rey wished she was as excited as her parents were.

‘Is that a lollipop? Where did you get that? You know it ruts all your teeth and all that bullshit. Plus…’ – he leaned a little closer – ‘I think Ben’s gonna lose his shit if you… you know, never mind kiddo.’

‘I got it from Rose. She’s my… she’s… right there.’ – Rey wanted to say friend but lying was only an option when she knew no other way to make someone happy.

Her dad didn’t even know Rose, so there was no point in lying. Or hoping. They were not friends just because a tiny little lollipop.  

And when she wanted to turn around to thank her for the small treat and introduce her to her dad, she spotted her a few feet away, up front, standing on her tiptoes as Hux was kissing her passionately, pulling her closer to the rail, almost crushing her petite body to it. He held his helmet under his left arm, while his right held her by the nape of her neck.

Rey quickly averted her eyes and hoped her dad did not see that.

But a few whistles sounded around her, and she heard Phasma snickering from somewhere behind her too.

Han wasn’t as reserved when it came to public display of affection.

‘Oh, I see. Pumpkin, you sure you want to be friends with someone like her? As your father, I think she is… um… as your mother would say… bad influence. Okay? You need no friends like her.’ – Dad said in his serious tone he only used when necessary.

He always delivered the worst news or any important advice in a soft, yet effectively scary voice, staring at her expectantly like he assumed she’d sign some sort of contract about it right then and there.

Rey had only heard him speak like that to her mother when they thought she wasn’t listening. She’d been having a hard time understanding why her parents were so different sometimes. But apparently, everyone can be different from what the first impressions.

And while the rational part of Rey’s brain knew she shouldn’t put much stock in her dad’s words, because he did not know Rose, it became obvious real quick that she did not know her either. Where was the shy girl with those big glasses and pristine cardigans?

The pair soon pulled apart and Hux ran up to his team.

Rey nodded at her father, mouthed a quiet okay, and let him take her hand in his in a gentle half-grip as the game was about to start. It filled her with joy to have him acknowledge her in front of this many people.

Phasma was whispering a few rows behind her, and her friends dug their heads together, but Rey zoned them out in the crowd. Fortunately, this time it wasn’t that hard.

Some pictures were taken, lights flashing all around.

Rey’s level of nervousness increased slightly when it dawned on her: they were in public. A few photographers turned their way too. Han smiled widely into the cameras.

The team captains shook hands.

Ben glanced her way and spotted his dad in the process. But his eyes returned to her. Between that piercing gaze of his and her nerves, she couldn’t help but squeeze her father’s hand tighter.

She popped the lollipop into her mouth quickly when the flashes faded.

Ben’s eyebrows climbed a little higher on his forehead, but that was the only indication he gave that he was glad Dad could make it.  

When he reluctantly turned around to give a few pats on all the Resistance (the coolest team-name Rey had ever heard) players back, she also studied them. A few of them were familiar, like Hux, with the number 13 highlighted with thick red lines on his back, or the guy who always wore his shirts inside-out standing right beside him. Luckily for the team, this time he seemed to get his tee alright though.

The moment he walked out to the field, Rey spotted another figure, who did not stand as tall as the others and was rather hunched over like he was having serious pains, his right arm limp by his side. His helmet was already on, so it was hard to tell from where she was seated who it was, but Rey had a very bad feeling in her stomach, twisting and turning like a rope.

She moderated her oxygen intake because the last thing she needed right now was to hyperventilate. The person behind that gear had to be Poe. And he didn’t look like he should be playing at all. Where was he all day?

Hux walked up to talk to him, as if he was nagging him on.

If he was sick, he shouldn’t play, right?

Poe was the last one to receive a pat on his shoulder from Ben. The boy said something for which he received a shrug.

Then he jogged over to the other side, further away from the home team’s cheering crowd and took his position.

When Rey looked back at Ben, his eyes were narrowed, his jaw locked, his mouth stretched in a grim line, but soon it was replaced by a small half-sided grin. It was too quick of a transition for Rey to be sure, but he seemed confident. She hoped their team will win and he’ll be happy.

She also hadn’t a clue how exactly they played the game, about all the rules, since she had only ever seen it on TV once or twice, when they had been given a bit of free time at the orphanage. Clearly, she hadn’t spent it analyzing football games.

‘You’re not into football, hah?’ – came her dad’s voice as he tried to overrule all the noisy cheers and shouts around them. He pointed at the guys, lined up in the center. She shook her head. She should have come prepared. Learning a few rules was not that big of a deal if it meant she could impress her dad. And Ben.

The head shake gave Han the idea Rey wanted to know more about it right then, which was true, but maybe it was not the best time and place for that. Too many noises.

She’s rather watch if Poe was doing alright or Ben’s face when his team scored a point.

‘See those guys? They’re the offense. They can advance the ball two ways: running and passing. The center passes the ball backwards and between their legs to that brick wall, or as they call it, a quarterback… ‘– he pointed to different players and Rey quickly followed his line of sight.

‘Then he either hands the ball off to a back, throws, … or runs with it like a true maniac… The game ends when the player with the ball is tackled or a pass hits the ground without another fucker catching it.’

All she was seeing was almost like a nightmare becoming true. It was really violent, and she just wanted to close her eyes and not look at it. Why would anyone do this willingly?

And then, just when she decided it couldn’t get any worse, something happened. Rey hadn't thought about it until then how risky this sport was, until one of her dad’s sentences stuck with her. ‘…one widely associated with concussions. Ya know all the tackling isn’t always fun.’

The center player, number 13, was now running to get open, and then sent the ball in a tight spiral right at the side of the players head who Rey knew without a doubt was Poe. There was a loud cracking sound. Quite the number of defense members reached him by then, so he had no chance at dodging.

That sound was followed by a sickening thunk as the guys landed on the pristine green grass, with Poe covered over entirely.

Rey immediately stood up hands clasped in front of her mouth just as Phasma’s high pitched screech sounded behind her. She wanted to run down and help him and tell Ben this game was stupid and dangerous. It flashed behind her eyes what if something like this had happened to him back at high school, and she hadn’t been there to comfort him.

She became nauseous.

Han’s hands reached out the moment she stood up and let his go, and pulled her back, urging Rey to sit back down.

The hulking players were all rosing up… except for number 10 who remained down. He wasn’t moving, but his cries reached the segment she was sitting.

The bleachers on both sides went eerily quiet as the medical stuff jogged in. Phasma’s worried questions echoed all around, along with a few concerned mothers’.

Rey clasped Han’s hands and desperately searched for Ben, having the irrational fear of him being hurt somehow, too. To her relief, he was casually stuffing his hands into his dark blue jogger pockets. He wasn’t worried. He handed number 13 a bottle of water.

Maybe this was not that severe of an injury as it seemed to Rey. After all, she knew next to nothing of football.

Poe’s agonized cries grew louder and louder when he was put on a stretcher by two bulky man and taken out. He was clasping his left wrist in his lap. They tried to get his helmet down but decided to leave it on. Rey thought it was for safety reasons.

‘Wow. Glad I could make it in time. I didn’t think it’d be this quick. Guess I was wrong… not the first time. Come on, pumpkin, we’d better go.’ – her dad murmured into her ear. Some were already rising to leave too. She was still too shocked to think clear, so she let her dad guide her away from their row, leading the way in the midst of all the other families until they reached his car. She threw the lollipop to the nearest trash.

The road home was kind of a blur. Han’s car had a huge built-in radio and he turned on the music the moment he clicked Rey’s belt in place. The tree-lined streets and brownstone townhouses on their way hadn’t helped alleviate her concerns though. Would Poe be alright? Oh God. Poor Phasma.

She dropped her head back, and pulled her hands in her lap, clasping her fingers together.

‘You okay?’

‘Dad, does this happen often? I-I mean, is football always this… violent?’ – she asked in a timid voice.

Han chuckled. ‘Oh kiddo, you have no idea. Today was a little special though.’

‘Special? H-How?’

His gaze darted to her, amusement dancing in his blue irises. He drummed his fingers on the side of the wheel. It was dark outside, but it wasn’t too late.

‘You can’t tell already, sweetheart?’ – He tilted his head toward her. Rey’s shoulders curled in a little because she had no idea. He wouldn’t refer to a serious sports injury as something special.

‘Usually, we have the games on Saturday.’ – his tone lightened up as he turned his gaze back on the road.

Oh.

Rey did not know that.

Is he gonna be okay?

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The house was painfully quiet, only the soft clicks of the locks on the door were audible when Dad pulled them all in place. He shrugged of his jacket and unzipped Rey’s hoodie as they stood by the door. She balanced her bag on her other arm while he pulled it down her arm.

She wanted to ask him not to. It was all she had.

He rubbed his hands on her upper arms in a comforting manner when he noticed how stiff she’d become after he threw the hoodie onto the rack.

‘Seems like mom isn’t home yet. No problem, she’ll be here soon. Give me the bag.’ – he took it from her noodle arm. His lips pursed and he tilted his head, narrowing his eyes, and for the first time Rey didn’t feel it was in a playful way. ‘Great. Cheer up pumpkin.’

‘Is it okay if I sleep with mom tonight?’ – slipped from Rey’s lips.

He patted her head with his free hand.

Rey assumed it was a yes.

‘Come on. Let’s make dinner kiddo. Once in a while, I can be a gentleman too.’ – Dad chuckled, and grabbed her arm, hauling her to the kitchen. He pushed her down into one of the high bar chairs beside the marble countertop and proceeded to throw her bag onto the coach. From the kitchen. She couldn’t believe how great her father’s aim was. How relaxed he was even now.

It was a normal game, Rey.

Why are you so weak?

Get yourself together.

Han grabbed a few packages of fresh beef, and left-over chicken from the fridge and a big package of frozen vegetables from the freezer.

Rey watched him work because she wasn’t allowed to use knives or scissors, and he wanted to be a gentleman.

Dad used those a lot. His quick and effective moves were very captivating to watch.

‘Your mom really wants you to learn how to cook. So be a good girl and watch carefully. She has plans for the weekend and you want to make her happy, right?’ – he winked at her as he stopped slicing the meat and pointed the steel kitchen knife in her direction.

Her head jerked up so she could look up into his face. A strange sense of panic settled deep in her stomach, but she hushed it away. He got back to preparing the beef only after she nodded, two times. Rey felt the first wouldn’t be enough.

He was humming the song they had listened to in the car, dancing funny between the cupboards - for clean plates - and the stove a few times.

‘Aaaand done. Set the table, pumpkin, then go change. I’ll come and get you in five.’ – he declared, his attention directed straight at her. Rey hastily got up, grabbing the perfect pile of plates from his hands.

Dad continued to hum as he turned back around to assess the steaks.

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Five minutes were not enough.

Rey was so sweaty because of all today’s events, her constant worrying, that she had the irresistible urge to take a shower. She pulled her turtleneck over her head, not caring about her already disheveled hair, and threw the skirt along with it onto her bed.

The cold water running over her head and shoulders was a relief. She leaned her head into the wall and watched as all the rumors about her, all the crude remarks were washed away, twirling and twirling angrily before all going down the drain.

Five minutes were not enough.

She was about to reach for the towel when a hand closed around her wrist and someone stepped into the stall behind her. She sucked in a breath so sharp it was almost a squeak.

‘Mmm’ – the intruder murmured.

She knew that hand and that voice well.

Every muscle tightened in her naked body as she peeked over her shoulder. His hazel eyes were twinkling when she lifted her gaze to meet his.

Ben.

’Why so sad, baby?’

Five minutes were too much.

The water became blistering hot as he pushed his lips onto hers, pushing her into the grey tiles adorning the walls from all angles. Huffs of annoyance escaped his lips. Ben seemed frustrated tonight.

That rigid spine of his was like steel under her trembling fingertips as he pushed into her without any warning.

‘I love you. I love you so much, Rey. I’d do anything for you.’

He grumbled and shifted deeper.

‘Just a couple of minutes. You want me to hurry up?’ – he grunted into her ear as his skilled hands kneaded her breasts, pinching her nipples. She gasped at the stark sound of his rough voice in the silent bathroom or was it a reaction to how his fingers roamed over her body, how his cock twitched inside her tight walls? The only fix point was Ben, all the other sensations were confusing.

‘Ben…’

He finished much sooner than she wanted him to… because at some point, she started to feel something other than pain.

‘Let me tell you something, Rey’ - he began while pulling out of her and leaning his forehead onto hers. She gasped for air, putting her hands on his still black T-shirt covered chest. She hated when he didn’t let her touch him, for real.

‘I suggest not tempting me like that in public ever again… No lollipops babe, okay? … I mean, not in public.’ – He dragged his thumb along her lower lip with a featherlight brush.

Rey swallowed nervously.

Then he grabbed a white towel (just like last time) and curled it around her slowly, fastening it just above her left breast.

He was soaked, but still pulled her by the wrist to his room.

After both of them changed into their regular comfy clothes for dinner, and Rey failed to point out she was in a desperate need of another shower, Han was the one who welcomed them in the dining room. Leia was already seated at the table. They must have took longer than five minutes.

‘My sweeties, how was your day? Your Dad already filled me in on the game. Oh Ben, I’m so sorry, I knew how much you wanted to win this one. All the tactics, the planning… How irresponsible of that Dameron boy to show up drunk.’

Ben placed his right hand on Rey’s lower back as he led her to the seats across from their parents. She halted mid-way, but he urged her forward.

‘He can wave goodbye to going pro and to all the scholarships for sure, right Ben?’ – Han asked while he stood up and portioned a reasonable amount of steak and sides onto every plate, then added some more to his. An opened whiskey bottle lay to his right, and he wasn’t all that careful not to knock it up, but he managed.

‘Thank you, darling.’ – Leia chirped in when her plate was next.

‘He won’t be able to walk again, so I guess goodbye is the right word yeah. Hadn’t been all that bad until now, but that little shit ruined the entire game for a few shots. Tested positive. One of his mates even testified. Wouldn’t be surprised if he got kicked out of school for this.’

Rey was taken aback. What?

He won’t be able to walk again.

A few shots. Positive.

She couldn’t believe her ears. She could only blink when her father addressed her next:

‘We discussed this with your mother, Rey, and we’ll take you out. That pathetic excuse of a school is nowhere near as high standards anymore as it was in Ben’s time. Drinking, bullying, name it and they deliver.’

Leia reached her hand over the table to touch Rey’s. Her fingers were as pale as Rey’s.

Her voice was filled with sorrow: ‘It’s not the influence we want you to be exposed to. Dad and I decided it’d be better if you were homeschooled for the rest of the year, maybe longer.’

Ben’s hands tightened reassuringly on her thighs.