Archive of Our Own ^beta

After Tommy left the prison, he stayed in his house and didn’t leave for a couple of days. During that time, he was either having a panic attack or dissociating. After getting tired of that routine, he decided to let the few people he knows won’t react too badly at the sight of him that he was alive. 

Starting with Tubbo, he saw the way the brunette was happy with Ranboo. He saw how they laughed together and joked together and did everything he and Tubbo used to do but don’t anymore. He left quickly, trying to get the thoughts out of his head even though he knew it would be pointless.

Everyone who saw him either looked at him with disappointment or pity. He hated it. At least during exile, he didn’t have to see the hatred in people’s eyes. Now, he couldn’t ignore the way he saw them look at him in bloodlust.

He spent more and more time in his house until he finally just stopped leaving it. He had an underground farm that provided food. He didn’t need to go out. No one visited him anyways, so he was left alone in his thoughts.

In that time, he found his old communicator that he wasn’t allowed to take with him to exile and saw the messages his friends sent him. Feeling the tears well up in his eyes, he messaged back and couldn’t help but giggle at the instant messages he received.

Sniffling as he looked around his falling apart dirt hut, he typed in his request. 

~~~

Knocking on the door, Tommy couldn’t help but feel a little jealous as he gazed at the large mansion Foolish was building next door.

“Tommy!” Tubbo exclaimed in surprise, opening the door wider with a smile that Tommy couldn’t help but return as he stepping in.

“Come in, come in! What are you doing here?” Tubbo brought Tommy over to the living room, where they sat down on the couch. 

“Well, I have some news, big man,” he awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck.

“Oh my god, you’re pregnant!” Tubbo gasped, causing Tommy to laugh and for him to untense his shoulders.

“No, no, nothing like that,” he chuckled before taking a deep breath and sobering up, “I’m leaving the server.”

Tubbo looked at him in shock, so he continued.

“I just wanted to come and tell you before I leave tomorrow.”

“You’re leaving?!” Tubbo jumped up with a shout, causing him to flinch. Tubbo saw and took a step back, guilt shining in his eyes as Tommy watched him.

“I can’t stay here anymore, Tubbo!” Tommy argued, standing up from his seat as well. They were now standing at opposite ends of the room of each other.

“B-But-You can’t just leave!” Tubbo shouted, tears in his eyes.

“Why not?!”

“Because I love you!” They both froze.

Tommy turned to the side so he couldn’t see Tubbo as he wiped his eye, filling with tears with the palm of his hand.

“If you love me, then why won’t you let me leave?” Tommy muttered.

“If you love me, then why won’t you stay?” Tubbo murmured, almost whined , back. Tommy couldn’t take it, so he whipped his head around, and Tubbo saw the tears falling from his blue eyes.

“I wish you’d leave me to die, Tubbo. I wish you’d let me go so I could die somewhere,” he admitted. He didn’t plan to, and Tubbo knew this.

“I wish you’d believe me when I say I love you,” Tubbo whispered back.

They both stared at each other as they cried. Wanting to comfort the other yet so drawn apart that all they can do was watch as the other suffered alone.

“I’m leaving tomorrow,” Tommy repeated.

“Let me love you,” Tubbo begged.

“He’ll be picking me up at noon.”

“I never left you.”

“I’ll be at the docks.”

“Please don’t leave me again.”

“I’ll miss you.”

“I still miss you.”

“You have Ranboo and Michael to keep you company,” Tommy softened as he watched Tubbo cry.

“But they aren’t you ,” Tubbo looked up at him with his glassy, chocolate brown eyes that Tommy could never say no to. 

“But you don’t need me ,” he clenched his shirt, letting some of the bitterness seep through his cracks.

“I’ve always needed you,” Tubbo breathed.

“But you don’t now,” Tommy choked.

“Don’t leave me again,” Tubbo cried again.

“I’m sorry.”

“You’re not.”

“I am.”

“Then why are you leaving?” 

“I can’t be here anymore.”

“But what about me?”

“You have people, Tubbo. You have Ranboo and Micheal and Jack and Puffy. You have people,” he let out more tears.

“You have me,” Tubbo held his hands to his chest.

“I don’t, though. I don’t anymore,” Tommy’s voice was so soft it was like the wind.

“You’ve let me go, Tubbo.”

“I didn’t mean to!” He cried out loudly.

“You have to let me leave, Tubbo.”

“But what am I without you?” He asked in a switch of roles.

“Yourself.”

Tubbo’s cries echoed in the empty house as Tommy left.

~~~

The next day, Tommy went to the docks at 11:30 am. He wasn’t surprised when he saw Tubbo sitting there with his feet in the water. Tommy sat beside him and stuck his own feet into the water.

They sat in comfortable silence until 11:50. 

“I love you,” Tubbo whispered, keeping his gaze on the water as it ripped from his feet’ movements.

“I know,” Tommy leaned to the side and put his head onto the older’s shoulder, ignoring the way they shook silently.

Ten minutes later, a boat road right up to them as the passenger got out and stood on the doc.

“Deo,” Tommy greeted, standing up and leaving Tubbo sitting.

“Tommy!” Deo quickly brought the blond into a hug.

Deo walked Tommy over to the boat while asking questions, Tommy’s smile soft as he watched his friend speak.

“Tommy.”

Tommy stopped Deo before turning around, Tubbo now standing up and looking at him with a smile and tears in his eyes.

“I love you,” he repeated. Tommy just smiled back at him as tears filled his own eyes.

“I love you too.”