Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Chapter 1

She's doing her best and using all her patience, which is very little, to not jump on Lois Lane's skinny neck, the woman doesn't stop talking for a second, her excited and loud voice fills the whole room and Cat wants to jump on her neck, shake the woman until she stops talking and send everyone around her table listening to the excited story laughing out loud at some comment that the dark-haired woman makes, go back to their respective jobs.

Cat could try to deceive herself, tell herself that what irritates her is the other woman's voice, is the noise that fills the room while she needs to concentrate to write her new article, she could say that if someone asked her why she's with a grim face and bad mood, but Cat knows that’s not the reason, no, the reason is that once again Cat is stuck in a dull story, once again she arrived at the meeting with much more interesting ideas and Perry White left her with the article about the anniversary of the city.

An article like this doesn’t demand much from a reporter, it’s always a article with few words, big photos of the city’s sights, nor did it require much research and sources, nothing more than two or three people giving their statement about the city, how they love it and enjoy living in it, Cat doesn't even have to go to them, a simple call and that's it, Cat has her article done. 

Meanwhile, Lois Lane has a chance to continue investigating Maxwell Lord and his illicit businesses, following the new lead on his involvement with the most influential gang in Gothan City, a lead that Cat got and Perry White passed to Lois without giving Cat a chance, and this irritates her a lot, she has always heard about Perry White's darling, the impetuous reporter, always on top of the best sources and stories, but she didn't imagine things would be this way.

Although it’s hard for Cat to admit, Lois Lane is indeed good, her writing is engaging and she's able to make anyone speak. Cat knows that soon Maxwell Lord will be unmasked by her and his big technology company will not resist, the legacy of the Lord companies will fall and the merit will all go to Lois and that irritates her, because her name should be in the middle of it, because this isn't the first clue Cat has on the subject and Perry White passes it to Lois to investigate, she's the one who should be writing about it and not sitting in front of her computer practically rewriting last year's article about the city's birthday.

The arrival of a new email appears in the right corner of her screen and diverts her attention, it's Dr. Marsdin again, it's the second time this month that she has been in contact, Cat cannot avoid the light weight that fills her heart, she breathes out through the mouth and clicks on the message.

Your mother isn't well, she has a brain aneurysm, which is too big for surgery and compressing some parts of the brain, Katherine has been having difficulties in some daily tasks, dizziness and nausea are constant, she needs you Cat, she may not say it, but she needs , Dr. Marsdin says at the end of the email.

Exactly, Katherine Grant would never say she needs someone, she would never call for help, especially of her mediocre daughter, who instead of studying something more important decided to be a journalist, decided to go to Metropolis to write about useless and uninteresting things, Katherine Grant, who hasn't called for six years to know how her daughter is doing and the few times Cat tried was just to hear again how unable and insignificant she is, until she too gave up, if her mother doesn't care about her, if all she had to say to Cat were just sharp and painful words, Cat could let it go, live her life away from the other woman, away from that city, leave the past behind and pursue her dream.

But Katherine called her a few weeks ago, Cat almost didn't answer, her first thought was to run the finger over the cell phone screen and reject the call, but Katherine Grant never called, six whole years passed and she never called, it must be something important and Cat decided to take the call, getting ready to curse herself mentally for being stupid and having answered, but that didn't happen, no, Katherine didn't say an offensive word, she hardly spoke at all, Cat was the one who tried to start the conversation, filled the silence of the other end of the line.

Katherine had a tone of voice that Cat had never heard leave her mouth before, her words that were always sharp, her tone that was always firm, always sure, as if she owned the truth and anyone else a mere insolent presence in her path, this same Katherine was quiet, her voice muffled, low, her tone unsteady, Cat could hardly believe that was with Katherine she was talking to, she even took the phone out of the ear a couple of times and checked the call number on the screen to make sure, but it was Katherine, it was her mother, her mother who asked how she was and how was work, her mother who said nothing about being sick, but Cat knew there was something wrong, she tried to ask but Katherine didn't answer, pretended not to hear and was silent, it scared Cat, something was very wrong and Cat had no one to ask.

No one, because when Cat moved on she left everyone behind, she didn't want to be in contact with anyone else, she didn't say goodbye to anyone, she took everything she had and left, swearing to herself never to return. 

Cat kept the call with Katherine in her mind for weeks, hammering what she was supposed to do, until one day a long message from Dr. Marsdin arrived in her email box, apologizing for contacting her in this way to talk about something so intimate and serious, but she had no other contact of Cat, saying about her mother's condition, that Cat was the only family Katherine has and that she needed care.

Since then Cat has been thinking about her options, it never crossed her mind not to give Katherine the care she needs, she would do what she could to make Katherine have the best treatment, but Cat could do it from a distance, without the need for contact, for coexistence, but that call changed something in her, it changed because she knows that, in her way, Katherine was asking for help, she knows because she would do it the same way, Cat was never good with feelings, to open up, to feel vulnerable, to ask for help, the few times she allowed herself to do that, it was like this, in a strange way, so she got Katherine's message, the silent request for help and companionship and it terrified her, going back to that place, living with Katherine, was something Cat didn't think she would do again.

she needs you Cat, she may not say it, but she needs .

And then she's here, standing impatiently in front of Perry's table waiting for him to finish a call, "so Cate, what were you saying?" he tells her without taking his eyes off the computer, he insists on calling her by the wrong name, at first she even corrected him, but at some point she got tired and accepted it as a kind of a nickname, "I need to leave Metropolis for a while..." it's weird how insecure she's saying these words, Perry finally looks at her, "what?" he looks quite surprised, "there was a personal problem, I need to go back to Midvale for a while" Cat is more nervous than she thought she would be, she just isn't sure if it's because she's here, practically asking to lose the job she has long wished for or for the reality that these words bring.

She's really going back to her hometown.

Perry looks at her for a long moment in silence, Cat can tell he isn't enjoying it at all, he opens and closes his mouth a few times before saying "for how long?" , Cat doesn't know, it could be months, but it could also be days, she doesn't know if will really be able to live with Katherine any longer than that "I'm not sure" , Perry listens and shakes his head pondering "is there even a decent internet in this city you mentioned?", Cat doesn't know, Midvale is a quiet little town, few inhabitants, almost no tourists, innovations take a long time to get there, but she doesn't believe that the internet it's one that haven't arrived yet "yes, of course" she answers uncertainly and confused, where does he want to go with this?, she asks herself.

"if you want you can work from there" , Cat is surprised by the proposal, she thought he would fire her without much effort, although the proposal has its downside, working away from Metropolis Cat would still be unable to pick up relevant stories involving the city, stories that involved being on the field, looking for people and answers, but it still means being on the Daily Planet, a dream come true for Cat "I do" , Perry looks at her one last time, Cat thinks she saw him smile contentedly for a second, but it may have been her imagination.

///

A few hours of travel and Cat drives by the sign welcoming everyone who enters Midvale, her hands are sweating and slipping from the steering wheel, her heart feels heavy, cold in her chest, she tries to calm herself by slowly letting out the air through her mouth and by looking around to not think about what will happen in a few minutes, when she arrives at what used to be her home, arrive and see Katherine, she's been trying her hardest not to think about it since she made the decision to come back.

Cat arrives at the main street and realizes without much surprise how little has changed, the facades of the small establishments that fill the entire street remain the same, one or the other stands out with a new painting, but nothing too big, Cat sees the only market in the city, the largest establishment among the other ones on the avenue, with its S and K erased leaving its name incomplete, as far she can remember it's like that. Sees the Olsen bookstore, she loved that place, Cat has good memories there, she smiles at the image that comes back to her, a good memory that also makes her sad, whether she admits it or not, she ended up leaving good things besides bad ones for back, Cat shakes the head, as if the movement expels the memories out of her mind.

Before making the curve at the end of the avenue she notices the gardening establishment and general articles of the surly Snapper Carr, it's the only one who seems to have renewed, it looks more beautiful, tidy, revitalized, she wonders what happened to that grumpy old man that makes him made so many changes in it, but the question doesn’t stay in her mind for long, no, because a few meters away the house is already there, she can already see its facade, Cat stops the car, takes a few deep breaths and tries to calm down.

She opens the car door, but takes a little longer in it until she finally has the courage to get out, she stops in front of the house for long seconds, realizes that it remains the same, each flaw in the painting due to time, each imperfection on the roof, the little worn stone path leading to the door, but she can see a change, something is different and she doesn't have much time to figure out what it's, because Katherine is standing at the entrance to the house with the door open behind her looking at Cat, "you really came" .

Cat would respond acidly, she was prepared to respond like that, the tone with Katherine could never be different from that, not if you wanted to maintain a little sanity, there is no way to be civilized with her, but Katherine isn't looking at her with disdain, Cat thinks she sees a little relief on her face, she doesn't know for sure, she never saw Katherine with any expression other than arrogance, it disarms Cat "yes, I came" she responds with a controlled voice.

Inside the house there are some changes, the sofa is new, the arrangement of some furniture is different, but nothing too big, what catches Cat's attention is the amount of flowers in some places in the house, is what most calls attention, Katherine never had this habit, the house was always very neat and monochromatic, the colorful flowers in beautiful vases stand out and Cat understands what caught her attention at the entrance, flowers and plants, now there is a garden at the entrance to the house, not just the the usual low lawn, Cat is curious, but more than that she's tired, it has been long hours of travel.

"can I go up?" , Katherine is still standing near the door, apparently letting Cat have her moment, "of course, your room is waiting for you" , Cat takes this moment to look closely at Katherine, she doesn't look too dejected, although Cat knows that layers of makeup must be hiding much of the woman's tiredness, Katherine never allowed herself to look sick, vulnerable, weak, she always has to be impeccable, although her clothes, Cat notices, are different, they seem looser, more comfortable, no longer the usual skirts and dress shirts, not even the jewelry that is always indispensable Katherine is using it, it scares Cat.

"right… thanks…" and Cat goes up the stairs to the second floor, to the small hallway where Katherine's room, one of the bathrooms and her room facing the other woman's, are next, Cat notices that there are more flower pots decorating and coloring the place. The bedroom door is open, Cat comes in with one of the suitcases she brought and places it on the floor next to the bed, the room is empty, there is no picture, no remnant that somebody was there at some point, that doesn't surprise Cat, she didn't really leave anything behind, what she wanted took with her and what she didn't want threw away, there is only the bed and a small wardrobe, the same as when she still lived here.

Cat sits on the bed, the soft mattress sinks with her weight, she looks around, closes the eyes and takes a deep breath, the smell of the house invades her senses, it's familiar and strange at the same time, it's cozy and uncomfortable, in the strange way as always, it's what she recognizes as home.

///

Cat wakes up slightly disoriented, takes a few seconds for her to remember where she's "I was really tired" she says to herself as she starts to get out of bed, she barely puts the feet on the floor and her phone beeps, Cat reaches for the device that it's on the suitcase in the floor next to the bed, a message from Perry appears on the screen, he wants to know how is the article he left for her to write.

Cat rubs her hands over the face, sleep is still too much and she hasn't written anything yet, she replies that still today she'll deliver the article finished. She would be perfectly capable of that, it wasn't something that required a lot of work, she just needed a few hours of research and that's it. She goes to the suitcase, picks up her laptop and tries to turn it on, but it has no battery and when looking for the charger she can't find it, she turns the suitcase over and nothing, it's not there, great, now where am I going to find a charger here?, she thinks angry with herself.

She goes down the stairs, Katherine is nowhere to be seen, Cat thinks it's weird, looks for her in the kitchen and in the backyard and nothing, she's starting to get worried until she gets to the front door and hears a different noise, scissors, someone is cutting something and to her surprise it's Katherine, the woman is wearing thick gardening gloves and holding a scissors, carefully pruning some of the flowers in the new garden, it's a sight Cat never imagined seeing, Katherine who couldn't stand dirt, Katherine always so tidy, is taking care of a garden and with soil staining the bars of her baggy pants.

"you're awake", the words catch Cat's attention "yes" the sight of a relaxed Katherine pruning flowers in a garden lets Cat without many words "I- I need to start working, but I realized I forgot my laptop charger" , Katherine's left eyebrow arches, her usual sign of disapproval, Cat waits for the acid comment that always comes next, "I'm sure a store in town can help you with that" Katherine says without looking at Cat, she notices the older woman's controlled voice, Cat can say that she held herself back from responding with the usual sarcastic comment.

This is new.

Katherine never bothered to suppress her sharp comments, "yes... I'll change and go after it" Cat says, still surprised by Katherine's response.

She decides to go on foot, a walk can help to clear her head and put some thoughts in order.

///

She had to go to three places to find the charger, the dusty packaging reveals the time that the object must have been untouched in the same place, apparently Midvale remains the same old city that runs away from innovations and technology, this city really wasn't made for me!.

It's getting late and Cat still has an article to start, she sighs heavily anticipating the tiredness that will be today, but first she needs to do Katherine a favor and before returning she's entering the revitalized Snapper Carr store.

Cat has never been here many times, gardening and anything related to it was never in her interest, much less Katherine, so she can't say for sure what has changed around here, but it’s clear that there have been changes, of all establishments this is the only one that looks decent, without peeling walls, dusty and wobbly shelves and with old and outdated products.

However there is no one to assists her and Cat has no idea what a fertilizer is, much less what product Katherine used to use, so she goes over to the counter and taps her fingers on the metal bell to call someone, “just a minute, i'm already going” a slightly familiar voice shouts from behind one of the high shelves behind the counter, Cat's heart starts to race and she doesn't quite understand why, at least not until a blonde ponytail steps out from behind the shelves and eyes of an singular blue looks directly at her.

The woman behind the counter stops halfway, she looks as surprised as Cat, for awkward seconds they just stare at each other without saying anything, until the other woman clears her throat and looks away, " Cat... y- you're here..." the woman's voice is weak, the sentence is almost a question but also a statement, "yeah, I- I ' am" Cat replies nervously, she didn't expect to meet her, in fact she doesn't know what she expected in relation to the other woman, Cat avoided thinking about other people from her past, it would only add more affliction in her decision to return to the city.

"eh... Katherine asked me to get some fertilizer..." Cat wants to get this over with, go home and fill her head with work "she said you guys would know which one she uses...", the woman smiles at her, that open and sincere smile that Cat knew so well, her heart skips a beat and she desperately tries to ignore it, "okay, I'll get it for you" the woman comes out from behind the counter and goes over to one of the shelves get the product, Cat remains motionless in place, not trusting her legs at this point, the woman returns with the product and with the smile still on the face, she watches the woman put the product in the bag, Cat hands over the money avoiding the other woman's gaze, she just wants to get out of here "thanks Kara" .

Cat risks looking at the other woman one last time before turning and leaving, her eyes are drawn to those vivid blue dots, that sea she used to dive into.

Cat had forgotten that it's possible to dive into someone.

Chapter Text

Chapter 2

Cat is sitting on the stairs that lead to the door of the house, her cheeks are red and the salty path of insistent tears irritates the little girl, she just wanted some cookies and her mother not only said no but also started a speech about how they aren't good for her health and how her teeth are no longer healthy due to her laziness to brush them properly, "one more expense you're going to give me, all because you don't think about anything else other than eating junk food", Cat could reply, say how much of a liar the woman is, she brushes her teeth every day and very well, "I'm not gross" she mutters aloud to herself as runs the arm across the face trying to dry the tears.

The noise in the street is loud, apparently the children in the neighborhood are playing in the street, another thing she's forbidden to do, Cat should not mix with the other children, both mother and daughter barely spoke to the other people in the city, any word exchanged that is more than a hi is practically forbidden, in fact the hi itself is only allowed for politeness, Katherine would never let them think that her daughter is rude.

Something solid hits her head hard, "ouch!" Cat screams in fright, not understanding what hit her, she sees a white ball bouncing on the grass in front of her, Cat looks at the place where the other children were playing a few seconds ago, she sees them fighting and pushing each other to decide which one is going to go over there talk to her and ask for the ball back, a girl with glasses on the face and light brown hair tied in a ponytail is apparently the chosen one.

Cat, who is still irritated with her mother, sees the situation as an opportunity to alleviate her frustration, the girl approaches slowly, afraid, her hands tucked in the small pockets of her pants, "hi" she says still a little far, a hand goes up to adjust the glasses on her face “sorry to bother ... b-but could you give us the ball back?" .

Cat takes the ball in her hands and looks at the girl in defiance "no" , the girl's shoulders shrink, she looks back at the other children waiting anxiously, "please?" she says pleadingly, her face wrinkles of nervous, Cat looks at her, she thought about continuing, catching the ball and taking it inside the house, ending the fun of the children, if she couldn't have fun nobody should too, but it wouldn't affect her mother and it's with her mother that she's angry, it's her mother that she wants to challenge, "only if I can play with you".

The girl's blue eyes open in surprise at the answer, she scratches the back of her neck with one hand and looks to the other children again "o-ok..." she says uncertainly, Cat gives a satisfied smile and passes by the girl who is still motionless in the same place "aren't you coming?" , the girl seems to wake up and still insecure accompanies Cat to the group of children, when the two arrive they look at the them very confused, the girl shrugs "she wanted to come" , the other children look at Cat again until one of them, a skinny boy taller than the others, shrugs and takes the ball from her hands "let's go, my mom will soon call me to finish my homework".

Soon everyone is chasing the ball again, pushing and screaming at each other, Cat who had never played like this before, takes some getting used to, her kick is all clumsy and she doesn't know exactly what to do, some of the kids laugh at her when she does something wrong or awkward.

She hates it, hates not being good at things, being the joke to others, but the girl with glasses, who now Cat knows that her name is Kara, never laughs at her, she's the only one who approaches Cat, who smiles at her, who instead of laughing at her face explains what or how she should do it.

It's new and Cat likes it, she doesn't really know why, but it's good, it does something funny in her stomach and her heart flutters, especially when the girl smiles.

"Catherine Grant, come here" , suddenly everyone stops in their places, the ball rolls alone to the side of the street, her mother doesn't scream, she hates to lose the composure, but Cat knows that tone of voice, she knows she's in trouble, she looks back, your mother is at the door, her arms crossed, her eyes sharp.

"hurry up, this doesn’t look good" Kara says whispering to her, it seems that everyone is paralyzed, afraid that any movement can make the scolding remains for them, Cat lets out a disappointed breath, "see you tomorrow at school" it's not a question is a statement that Kara makes to her, Cat looks surprised at the other girl and smiles back before turning and heading towards home.

Cat is happy with herself, she managed to irritate her mother as she wanted and even made a friendship, can I call it this? , she wonders as her mother spits out words that, for some reason she doesn't know for sure, today are not affecting her.

///

Cat comes home, puts the bags under the kitchen table, Katherine is there starting to prepare dinner, I'm so late , she regrets in thought already anticipating the long night ahead.

Katherine made no sign that she noticed her presence, Cat could just leave things there and go to her room to start the article at once, but they will be together here in this house for a while and silence is something that bothers Cat, "here's what you asked me for" Cat separates the bag and puts it apart from the others, Katherine thanks with a slight nod, there's more a moment of silence that Cat tries to fill in "eh, so... is Kara working for Snapper Carr now?".

Cat knows she could use any other topic to start the conversation, talk about the weather or even finally ask about Katherine's sudden passion for gardening, they would be safer topics, because Katherine never liked Kara, because whenever Cat said her name, Katherine looked at her with that look, that look that she's giving Cat now, the one that says she knows something, but she doesn't have the courage to say what it is, although Cat realizes that this time there is no disappointment and aversion that used to appear in the other woman features along with that look.

"no" Katherine turns around to put the carrots she was cutting into the pot on the stove "she bought the place" , Cat is really surprised by the information, she didn't imagine that Kara liked gardening or that she was interested in having her own business, "what happened to him?", Katherine takes a while to answer and Cat wonders if the worst has happened.

"nothing" she finally says, returning to cut the potatoes "she made a good proposal and with Mrs. Carr's help finally managed to convince him to retire” , Cat is surprised by the amount of information Katherine said, for the person who never hang out with anyone in town and who never knew anything about anyone, much less cared to know, it's surprising that she knows this information, Cat is curious to understand when and how it changed.

"do you need help?" , Katherine stops what she's doing and looks at her, Cat swears she can hear her thinking of saying I am fully capable of making dinner alone , Cat knows that is what she means, but from her mouth comes out just a controlled "no thank you" , to Cat's surprise, she even said thank you , it takes Cat a moment to get out of her perplexed state.

She decides not to insist, it's better to take it one step at a time, she can see that Katherine is trying, maybe she should too.

Cat has this feeling that they're starting well and she has an article to finish anyway, she better go soon start writing it.

///

She has to admit that the article is demanding more from her than she expected, talking about the new five-star restaurant in the city should be easier, is the type of article paid for by the source, the restaurant pays the Daily Planet a space for the article and sends it along a lists of things that should be said, obviously extolling its qualities, it's not a difficult text, Cat just needs to be persuasive and she knows very well how to be, it turns out that her mind is a messy spiral that goes from Kara to Katherine repeatedly.

A light knock on the door catches Cat's attention, it's enough to save her from her own mind and she mentally thanks whoever knocked on the door, obviously is Katherine "dinner is ready" , Cat stands looking at the woman in front of her, Katherine didn't do this, she didn’t have these little displays of affection, of care, dinner was always ready at the same time and she knew what it was, if Cat was late or refused to show up, there would be no fights, but she would hear about it the rest of the week, in Katherine's sharp little comments.

“o-ok… I'm already going” , Cat watches Katherine go down the stairs before going back into the room, she sits on the bed wondering how much of this change has to do with Katherine's illness, is it affecting any part of the brain linked to affection, emotions or is she changing on its own?.

She doesn't have much time to think about it, her thoughts are interrupted by her phone, Cat sees in the distance that it's a message from Perry White, she grumbles before reaching for the device, it's not past midnight yet, so technically it's still the same day and Cat is going to deliver this article on time, she doesn't need Perry to be on top of her, she answers a brief I'm already sending to you and goes back to her laptop determined to finish this article for good.

It takes a lot of concentration, but Cat manages to finish it, she never missed a deadline, but ended up missing dinner time, when she goes down to the kitchen it's past midnight, all the lights are off and the door to Katherine's bedroom is closed, the woman is already sleeping.

Cat feels a twinge of guilt and frustration, she kind of wanted to have dinner with Katherine, although she doesn't quite know why, she knows it would probably be a moment full of awkward silence, or maybe not , she thinks, Katherine has been surprising her.

When Cat arrives near the cabinet looking for a plate to eat, she sees a plate of food waiting for her near the microwave, Katherine has prepared one and left it there packed waiting for her.

Cat eats dinner in silence, alone, illuminated by the kitchen light, sitting at that table that brings her so many memories, none very good, she admits, the meals were always uncomfortable moments, where she was forced to deal with Katherine even though she was sad or angry with the other woman.

There alone, she thinks about life, about the past, the future, the present, and how life is this unpredictable thing that she has no control over.

And that is what scares her the most.

Chapter Text

Chapter 3

Cat loves this place, it's the only place in the city where she feels at peace, relaxed, free, here, there is no one to say how incompetent and irresponsible she is, here, hidden among the high, dusty shelves and surrounded by stories, Cat manages to escape a moment from reality and immerse herself in universes different from her own.

“there you are” , Cat hears the familiar voice coming from the other end of the corridor, she can't help the smile that forms on her face, “Winn told me he saw you come in here” , Kara walks over to where Cat is sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall between two shelves in the Olsen bookstore, "are you telling people to spy on me?" , Kara looks at her with an exaggerated expression of indignation "I would never do that!" , Cat laughs at her friend, Kara's presence is always an injection of happiness in her days.

“bad morning?” Kara asks, she always asks, she always cares, “the same as always” Cat says in her tired voice, Kara looks at her, moves closer until their shoulders touch. 

It’s curious how Kara understood her space, Cat isn't very familiar to physical contacts, she didn’t grow up with that kind of contact and for her it's always a little strange, awkward, uncomfortable, but Kara always respected that, even without Cat saying, Kara didn't hug her or come too close, it's always like that, small contacts that already comfort Cat, "can we talk about something else?" Cat suggests, she wants to forget her mother's existence for at least a few hours.

Kara nods, Cat feels Kara's shoulders stiffen and the girl lets her breath out through the mouth, suddenly she looks tense, “yeah... well, I have something I wanted to talk about it" , Cat gets nervous too, it looks like something serious, "there's something wrong with Jimmy... " , Cat lets out a relieved breath, she already knows what Kara is trying to tell her, she had noticed a long time ago, "something like what?" she tries to encourage Kara to continue, the girl looks forward avoiding eye contact, Cat can see the little crease on her forehead, the one that forms every time the girl is thinking too much about something.

“he's been acting so weird lately” Kara starts, a little hesitantly “asking me to do things together, l- like just the two of us, you know?...” Kara looks at her for a moment to make sure Cat is following the story, Cat nods encouraging Kara to continue, “and then he goes and appears all dressed up and saying strange things... l- like praising my hair and things like that” , Cat has to hold back a laugh, Kara's face wrinkles with angst, she's so confused and for long seconds says nothing more.

“and why do you think he's acting like that?” , Cat knows why, but thinks it's important for Kara to find out for herself, “I- I… I think he likes me” Kara says after a while of silence, she looks at Cat with those bright blue eyes asking for help, Cat smiles at her, trying to pass some comfort.

"and how do you feel about it?" , it's strange, Cat feels a twinge of fear when asking the question, suddenly she feels as if Kara's answer could hurt her, and to make matters worse, Kara takes a long time to answer, "I- I don't know... I don't see him that way, you know?... I always thought of him as a brother..." , Cat lets out a breath she doesn't even realize she was holding, suddenly relieved and she doesn't really understand why.

"I don't know what to do... what would you do?" Kara looks at her again, Cat sees something like expectation shining in her eyes, makes Cat anxious and she can't answer, "if it were with you, i- if one of us said that likes you..." , by her tone Cat can tell how nervous Kara is and her own heart starts to pound in the chest, is she trying to tell me something? , Cat thinks, Kara looks away before continuing “like Winn… i- if Winn said he likes you” she adds, with something like frustration in her tone, Cat needs some time before answering, she tries to calm her heart, “eh… I don't know, I -I think I would tell him the truth” .

Kara turns to look at her again, she looks so distressed “ I'm afraid this will ruin our friendship” , for a few moments Cat even thinks Kara is talking about them, about their friendship and it confuses her, Cat needs to deflect the look to get her thoughts in order, "I- I think it would be worse to say nothing and let him hope" , she's so confused, I am talking about Jimmy not about me, right?... , she needs to check with herself again, Kara looks forward once again, thoughtful, there're long moments of silence between the two.

"yeah, I think you're right" Kara finally says, Cat feels when her shoulders relax and Kara lets out a breath, the tension going away, "sorry to disturb your reading" she jokes, the smile back on her face, Cat prefers her like that and finds herself smiling back, “nah… I'm not leaving here anytime soon, I still have time” , Kara lets out a weak laugh “can I stay?” .

Cat looks at her and sees the insecurity shining in her blue eyes, blue eyes that Cat avoids looking at for too long, because it makes her feel things that she doesn't quite understand what they're and that scares her.

"always" she replies and the smile that Kara opens for her is the most beautiful thing Cat has ever seen, it makes her heart swell and her stomach agitate and she thinks she's starting to understand why.

///

She knows she should be researching about how to use Echinacea and what are its health benefits, that’s the subject of her new article, but instead, she’s looking at a picture of a smiling Kara hugging two other smiling women, Cat doesn't recognize the other people in the photo, she doesn't think that it's someone whom she had previously lived with in childhood.

This is one of the few pictures that Kara's face appears on, her profile is full of pictures of flowers, plants, new products from her store and landscapes with motivational phrases, Cat smiles, of course Kara would be that kind of person.

Cat spent most of the day in her room, with the excuse that she was working, although this time she didn't miss the meal, exactly twelve thirty she went down and lunch was ready, some things didn't change , she thought to herself.

The lunch was as silent as she thought it would be, just the noise of cutlery on the plate filled the room and Cat spent most of the time thinking about what to say to break the uncomfortable silence, "eh… the food is very good" Cat tried to keep her tone as casual as possible, "thank you" Katherine was succinct in the answer, but Cat swears she saw a slight tug in the corner of her mouth, did she just smile? , Cat wondered a little shocked.

In fact the food was delicious, Cat just doesn't know if it was always good, and she just hadn't noticed since Katherine's presence always spoiled everything or if it's one of the other woman's changes.

Remembering lunch makes her stomach wake up asking for food, she hasn't eaten anything since then, looking at the clock in the corner of the screen she realizes it's almost time for dinner, maybe she can go down and offer help again, maybe this time Katherine accept, anyway she needs to get out of front of the computer, occupy her mind with something else, she closes the laptop and goes down the stairs.

To her surprise Katherine isn't in the kitchen, Cat looks around the room and out the window to see if the woman is out there working in the garden again, but the woman isn't there, "there you are" Katherine's voice says in somewhere behind Cat, who takes a fright with the sudden presence of the woman.

Cat realizes that Katherine is dressed as if she's going somewhere, but it's night, Katherine didn't go out at night, "are you going somewhere?” , Katherine arches her brow, looks at her sharply, Cat sees her swallow before answering "this is what I was about to tell you" , Katherine goes down the last few steps of the stair and heads to the door to get her coat, "and to where are you going?" Cat knows it's risky to ask, meddling too much, can break this small and fragile bridge they’re building.

Katherine doesn't say anything, just concentrates on her task of putting the coat "for Noonan's" she finally responds without looking at Cat, who doesn't believe what she just heard "b- but you hate that place… especially on a Friday night", Cat realizes that she's almost screaming, but she can't help it, she needs to start having some answers.

Katherine looks at her for long seconds without saying anything, Cat holds her breath apprehensively, suddenly it's like she's fifteen again and Katherine's words could still cut her chest sharply, "sometimes it’s good to change a little", Cat was so prepared for acid words that she barely listens to Katherine’s response.

"are you coming?" , Cat knows that her mouth is open shocked, it takes a few seconds for her to regain her senses and return to reality, and she's so surprised by everything, that she finds herself saying “yes” to Katherine, without realizing it.

///

Noonan's is one of the bars in the city, every Friday night the families usually gather in it, it's one of the big events in the city, where everyone drinks until they can no longer, gossip about other people's lives and make out without much shame. There, you could meet your friends, their parents, grandparents and everyone else in their family tree, who is still alive.

It's a very family environment and maybe that's why Cat never felt very comfortable there, she was a very few times in the place, only when Kara insisted too much, Cat gave in and for a few hours she was infected with the joy of the other girl. 

Cat shakes her head, trying to push away any memories of Kara that insist on coming back into her mind.

The place hasn't changed at all, the same old and wobbly tables with their red and white checkered tablecloths occupy the surroundings of the place, leaving a large free space in the center for those who wants to risk a dance, the same old songs that Cat has no idea who sings and looking around she recognize some faces.

Katherine chose a more distant table, probably the most reserved place in the room, not that it means too much, there are so many people crowded in the same room, that reserved just means that there is a space of two hands between their table and the others.

Cat is impressed with the number of people who came to talk to them, all very friendly and helpful, Katherine was polite to everyone, she answered succinctly, but she wasn’t even rude or cold, she was just reserved, as she likes to be, some people recognized Cat and asked how things are going in the big city, she just smiled and answered what they expected “amazing!” , hoping that her smile was convincing enough for them to believe her.

It doesn't take long and the hunger from before comes back, Cat wonders if they serve anything other than beer and peanuts "I'll go over to the counter to see if I can get something to eat" , Katherine who was looking around the room, discreetly shaking her head to the beat of the music, turns her attention to Cat “bring me a salad” , Cat looks at Katherine doubting that this place will have any salad to serve, but decides to get up without contradicting the other woman.

The way to the counter is troubled, Cat has to deviate here and there from a person, a tray, a table, when she gets to the center of the place, she has to deal with the dance floor that is full of couples swirl around the cramped space and when she looks to the counter, that is still a little far away from her reach, she sees Kara sitting there with a dark-haired woman talking to her, touching her arm and laughing out loud at something Kara has said to her.

Cat knows that kind of laugh well, she remembers the number of times she faced situations like that, Kara has always had a contagious energy, an energy that draws people close and she, with her characteristic innocence, didn't realize that the conversation was actually a flirtation to the other person.

But this time Cat has nothing to do with it, Kara can talk or flirt with anyone she wants, only her body doesn't seem to understand that, her heart racing and her almost wild desire to jump on the woman's neck talking to Kara, reactions so characteristic of years ago, comes back strongly, and requires Cat a lot of self-control not to follow her instincts.

"can you give me a menu, please?" Cat needs to scream to be heard by the attendant, she can see out of the corner of her eyes that Kara noticed her presence, "look if it's not Cat Grant" she says, turning the attention to her, “hi” Cat decides to be succinct, that way she doesn't risk saying or doing something pointless, Kara opens her smile more “what brought you here? I confess that I'm very surprised” .

Cat, who tried to avoid Kara's gaze, finally turns to the other woman, she can see from Kara's shoulders the dark-haired woman, is one of the women Cat saw earlier in photos with Kara, are they dating? , Cat turns away the look, staring at the shelf full of half-empty glass bottles in front of her seems the wisest thing to do.

Because it doesn't matter who the woman is, it doesn't matter if Kara is dating her or anyone else, because years ago Cat made a choice and now she has to live with the consequences of it.

For her salvation the attendant comes back with the menu in his hands, Cat thanks him and says goodbye to Kara with a simple nod, without saying anything else, Cat feels Kara's gaze on her back, following her way back through the crowd.

Katherine continues in the same position when Cat comes back to the table, she says nothing when Cat sits hurriedly in the chair, almost knocking it over in the process, she practically ran away from that counter, from Kara, that she needs a few moments to catch her breath.

She takes time to choose something to eat, to her surprise they really had salad on the menu, but she needs something more caloric, a big burger is what she wants and when the dishes arrive at the table Cat ignores the disapproval in the look from Katherine to her.

The burger is delicious and Cat allows herself to taste it and not think about anything else while doing it, Katherine eats her salad quietly, the music plays in the background and people continue to have fun around them, not long after they finish their meal one person comes to greet them at the table.

"good evening Mrs. Grant" is Kara who is smiling at Katherine, who greets her back with a slight nod, "Mrs. Olsen is looking for you, I'll say that you're here" , Katherine raises the hand before Kara turns and goes away to take the message "it's not necessary, I'll go to her table" , Kara helps Katherine to get up from the chair, Cat doesn't have much time to be surprised by their interaction, because her heart begins to beat strongly in the chest in anticipation, when she sees Kara sitting in the place that the other woman was a few seconds ago.

Cat watches Katherine make her way through the crowded hall to avoid looking at Kara, the woman is looking at her in silence, she used to do that, she knows Cat can't stand the silence for too long, "this is new" Cat begins, still not looking at Kara "you and Katherine talking to each other" , this kind of interaction between the two, even if minimal, was unthinkable for Cat, Katherine couldn't stand Kara, saying her name in front of her was the equivalent of committing a crime.

"some things change" Kara responds calmly, Cat finally looks at her from across the table, she's smiling, but not the open and sincere smile so typical of her, it's the shrewd smile and with a knowing look "what was that?" , Cat knows what she's talking about, but prefers to pretend not "that what?" , Kara lets out a laugh, Cat knows that she's starting to lose patience, which is such a rare thing to happen.

"you know... I would risk saying that you were jealous" , Cat tries to pretend an indignant expression with Kara's assumption, although she knows it won't have much effect, not with Kara, “ your left eyebrow was arched and you were pursing your lips" , Cat rolls the eyes at her "I don't do this" her posture is almost childish, she knows that, and Kara smiles at her, no longer shrewd, but nostalgic "some things never change" , Cat looks at her, into those blue eyes as deep as the ocean.

She wants to believe that, to believe that some things really don't change, so maybe the woman in front of her would still be with her.

"hi girls" a deep and unknown voice greets the two, Cat takes a moment to divert her attention.

She's drowned in those blue eyes.

"h-hi… do you want to dance? " Cat has no idea who he is and at that moment she doesn't care, she just wants to get out of there, the man barely has time to understand the question and Cat is already dragging him to the dance floor, and once again she can feel Kara's gaze on her back.

It took a while, but her heart has calmed down and she's now able to focus on other things, like the man she's dancing with, only now is she looking at him, he's so tall and strong that Cat almost disappears in his arms, when she looks at his face, she realizes that he seems familiar, but she still can’t tell who he is.

"you have no idea who I am, do you?" he says nice and with an open smile on the face, Cat feels embarrassed not to know "no… although you're not weird to me" she tries a weak smile, he laughs "ok… I kind of changed a lot, so to speak... you used to call me scrawny" , Cat can hardly believe it "J-Jimmy? Jimmy Olsen?" , he smiles even more, clearly enjoying the situation "himself... although now I prefer James... it sounds a little more mature" .

Cat smiles at him, she never imagined that that skinny and nosy boy would become this man in front of her, "so, how's life? ... I heard you're on the Daily Planet" , Cat wonders how everyone knows where she went and is working, she can't imagine Katherine gossiping about her life to others, "yes, I am… life is good, work is great… and you, what are you doing?" , he seems to realize that Cat doesn’t want to talk about her too much, Cat is grateful that he respects that and doesn’t insist, "taking pictures around...I've been at the Tribune since I graduated" he smiles looking proud of himself.

The Tribune is the city's newspaper, it was there that at a young age, Cat discovered her passion for journalism, she even imagined herself working there, maybe it would have been her destiny if living with Katherine hadn’t become so unbearable.

Maybe so many other things would have been different.

"you could drop by sometime" James' line prevents Cat from going into a spiral of feelings again, "yeah... I like the idea" she replies smiling, he smiles back at her and for a few moments she forgets about the problems, they talk about the past and reminisce about some funny episodes they lived together.

Cat leaves the bar with a little lighter heart, at least until she gets home, turns on the laptop and the photo of a smiling Kara appears on the screen, her browser was still open in that photo of Kara, Cat takes a deep breath and closes the page, she still has an article to finish.

Although she's still drowned in those blue eyes.

Chapter Text

Chapter 4

When you live in a small town, your career options are very limited, you could work at the police station, maybe with the firefighters in a nearby town, at some administrative post in the city hall or in any of the private businesses and offices in the city, you probably wouldn't get rich, but you would have a decent life, the problem is that none of those options appealed to Cat.

She even spent a day with the firefighters, the school encourages students to experiencing a day's work in some professions, it's a way to make them find a direction for the future that involves staying in the city, that day Kara insisted a lot and Cat didn't resist, as always, to the other girl's pleading look.

For Kara it was quite a day, Cat was able to imagine her wearing one of those uniforms and going around being a hero, it suited her. Kara's happiness in saving a small kitten stuck in a pipe was contagious, she did a great job, managed to calm the little animal and patiently got him out of that situation, apparently even the animals Kara is able to captivate, not that it surprised Cat, the girl really has a special light and she's grateful to be one of the people illuminated by it.

But Cat didn't find herself doing something like that for life, her interest isn't exactly the physical work and she has a huge allergy to cats anyway.

But today was different, today was her day.

Jimmy invited them to spend the day at the Tribune, the city newspaper where his older sister Kelly works, Cat has a habit of reading it every day, there is always a curious story about a resident, something historical found after years on some property in the city, the main news around the world and of course the little gossip disguised as news, there is no doubt how everyone somehow always ended up knowing about the others peoples life.

The place wasn't very large and there weren't many people working in it either, but it was a hectic environment, to where Cat looked, there was someone talking on the phone or hurriedly typing on their computers, it was almost mesmerizing the way nimble fingers slipped over the keys.

"hey, guys!" Kelly stood up and waved her arms to get the attention of the three, Cat hurried to meet her, leaving Jimmy and Kara behind, Kelly received her with a huge smile on her face, the Olsen’s are smiling people Cat identifies, “excited?” she asks when the other two finally reach them, Cat is the first to respond without even giving the other two time to try it "yes!" , she doesn't think she has ever been so excited about something in her life.

Kelly was working on an article about the Luthor estate, the largest and oldest in the city and abandoned for years, it's the haunted place in the city, rumors said that Mrs. Luthor was mysteriously found dead on the premises of the house, since then Mr. Luthor and his son, who was still just a child, were never seen again in the city.

This whole story became a full plate for the kids who used to go there to scare each other, Cat, Kara, Jimmy and Winn themselves, had already gone there, Cat didn't assume for the others, but she found the house really scary.

Apparently it was exactly a group of curious children who unintentionally found underground tunnels in the surroundings, after an exploration by the police, it was discovered that the tunnels led to some establishments in the city center, as the bank and the police station, one of the paths led to the city limits, apparently these passages have been there for years and it's imagined that they were used to commit illicit acts.

Cat was so fascinated with the story that she absorbed every detail that Kelly told them very carefully, her fascination was so great that Kelly even let her call one of her sources, Cat talked to Mrs. Smythe, one of the children's mothers, guided by Kelly she asked some questions and even risked her own at times, in the end Kelly praised her work and Cat has never been so proud of herself.

"what's it?" Cat asks Kara who has been looking at her with a curious look since they left the newsroom, Jimmy went to play video games with other friends from school, Kara preferred to accompany Cat on the way back home, "nothing..." she replies looking away, raising a hand to adjust the glasses on her face, pretending not to know what Cat is asking about, she doesn't accept this answer "come on... just say so" .

Kara looks back at her, she has a huge smile on the face and looks so happy, Cat wants to understand why, "nothing ... it's just that you're smiling" she finally says with a animated voice "like, open an- and happy” , Cat lets out a laugh, she feels that way “and I am… I- I'm very happy!” .

She takes a moment to think about it, it was a very special day, what she's feeling now is rare, she can say that she has felt like this very few times until now and all the other times, she realizes, were somehow related to Kara.

“I found it” Cat says happy and pleased with herself “what I want to do, what I want to be” , she risks looking at Kara, the girl is smiling as openly and looks as happy as she is, “I want to do this… tell stories, but real stories… search for facts, discover things… talk to people, real people...” she's silent for a moment enjoying that feeling of certainty, self-knowledge, she was so uncertain and full of doubts about her future, it's good to feel that has found a direction, at least for one of her dilemmas.

"I like you happy" Kara's speech draws her attention back to the other girl, her gaze is drawn to those two bright blue dots, that Cat recently found out that it's possible to dive into it if you look too long, sometimes she allowed herself that, it's adorably scary, especially when Kara spoke this way, with a certain seriousness in her voice, as if she were saying something that came out of the depths of her heart, of her soul.

Always leaves Cat speechless, so she always smiles at Kara, a sincere smile, full of unspoken feelings and that she doesn't give to anyone else, it's Kara's exclusive, Cat hopes that Kara recognizes that.

Cat keeps talking excitedly about her experience today and Kara listens to everything happily, Cat allows herself to look at the girl a few times along the way and every time she feels her heart swell, her stomach agitate and a shiver down her spine, she has no more doubts as to why her body reacts this way when she looks at Kara.

But that doesn’t mean it’s any less scary.

///

Writing her new article is making Cat sleepy, Jimmy's invitation, James! , she scolds herself, it will take some getting used to, his invitation seems increasingly attractive, she doesn't know what kind of story he's working on, but something tells her that anything is more interesting than writing about the increase of pigeons in the squares of Metropolis.

Before leaving to find James, she wants to take a look at Katherine, last night when they returned from Noonan's, Cat noticed that the woman was slightly pale and tired, her steps were slow and calculated, Cat went up the stairs behind her, without touching the other woman, but prepared in case she needed support.

Katherine, as always, is in the garden watering her plants very carefully, as if any sudden movement could destroy everything. A few more flowers have sprouted and the garden is growing more and more full, fragrant and colorful, Cat has to admit that Katherine is doing a good job, it's a very beautiful garden.

"I'm going to meet Ji- James" , Katherine looks at her, it's still strange for Cat to see the other woman with so much serenity on the face, "are you feeling well?" , Katherine turns to look at her plants before answering Cat "yes, you can go easy" .

Cat takes a little longer before finally leaving, she wants to make sure that the woman isn't lying just to get rid of her, this feeling it's strange for Cat, she had never felt this sense of care for the other woman before.

///

James is waiting for her at the entrance, Cat is greeted with a tight hug and a huge smile, the same way she was always welcomed by him, always so witty, the difference is that before, Cat felt slender arms at her back and not stiff muscles as now, Cat disappears in his embrace, it's kind of claustrophobic.

Inside, Cat realizes that things haven't changed much, only computers look newer and some faces are unknown to her "where's Kelly?" Cat hoped to meet her there, "National City…" James says as they arrive at one of the tables and he sits down "you're not the only one who dreams big around here" , by his tone, Cat is unsure whether this is a good or a bad thing, so she just sits in the empty chair next to him and tries another subject "so, what are you working on?" , he looks at her, suddenly excited.

"do you remember Hank Henshaw?" , of course Cat remembers, Hank was their high school physical education teacher, he was strict and didn't let anyone stand still in his classes, Cat hated him for making her sweat so much "yea…" , James smiles with satisfaction "he was presumed dead twenty years ago" , Cat looks at James very confused, because he couldn't have died twenty years ago, if in high school he was a teacher for both "are you crazy?" , James laughs out loud "no... look at this" .

He picks up some papers that were on the table, Cat identifies a copy of an email sent to James by a woman named Magann and on another paper a copy of a death certificate with Hank's name and a photo of him younger, James turns his attention to the computer in front of him, apparently looking for something "his wife contacted me a few weeks ago" he clicks on a file and points the screen at Cat take a look.

“our football team, for the first time in history, managed to make it to the state championship” , Cat is looking at the screen filled with the article about this apparently incredible event, without really understanding what it has to do with Hank, “we did a huge article about it, with a lot of pictures and everything... and somehow it got to her” , Cat identifies Hank in most of the photos that illustrate the article, he was the team coach and nominated as the greatest responsible for the growth of the team.

This is getting interesting , Cat recognizes, she starts to feel that urgency, that desire to know more, to go after and find out the facts, go to the field and understand what happened, she hasn't felt this way in a while, “wants to join me on this one?” .

Cat looks at James in surprise "d- don't you have a reporter in this one yet?" , James smiles at her before answering "no, I was looking for the right person and ever since I heard you were in town, I could only think that person would be you" , Cat barely believes what she's hearing, she feels like a child who just got the best gift for Christmas “of course I want to!” .

The two spend a long time in the newsroom researching, trying to find in old news any clue or fact that could help understand the what, the how, and the why of this all.

Only in the late afternoon they leave the newsroom to get more information for their story, which is why Cat is standing anxious in front of a white door to an unknown house with James at her side, looking as anxious as she is.

The two are greeted by a very smiling woman who invites them in, they're at Hank's house, James had made an appointment with him for an interview.

The house is cozy as Cat never imagined it would be, Hank was always very serious and reserved, she kind of expected less colors and more gym objects around the house.

Hank's wife, Magann, calls out to him and says Cat and James to be comfortable, Cat is looking around when Hank's firm voice catches her attention.

"Cat Grant!... I thought you were in Metropolis" he greets Cat with a firm handshake, it's almost painful, "yes... I'm just passing by" , he goes on to greet James, "if nobody can convince her to stay" James says, Cat looks at him feeling practically insulted by this hypothesis "it won't happen" , James shrugs not really believing it, they both sit on the couch, Magann soon appears with coffee and cookies.

Cat starts with the trivial, their names, where they come from, what they work with, is a way to break the ice, before getting to the heart of the matter.

She discovers that Magann was pregnant when Hank was presumed dead and that talking about it makes Hank nervous, after all, he lost twenty years of which he could have lived with Maggan, twenty years away from his daughter, who he didn’t even have the opportunity to see grow, a lot was taken from him.

Finds out that Hank was in the army at that time, he was just a soldier and that everything happened on his first mission, he says that has no memories of it, he only knows that one day he woke up in a hospital bed badly injured and without memory, it took Hank almost a year to recover from his injuries and when he was discharged the army sent him here, to Midvale, he was discharged from the army, received a medal of honor for his services and the only thing he was told, was to remain discreet and take this second chance that life gave him.

To Magann was never said much, they wanted her to believe that her husband was dead, convinced her to bury an empty coffin, but she never quite accepted it "I knew he was alive, I felt!" she says looking at Hank and squeezing his hand tighter, Cat sees Hank's eyes fill up with tears, it's a sight Cat never thought she would see, Hank was a wall as a teacher, a man of few words and a firm commanding voice, strong and always serious, sometimes he was even scary.

The couple also said they went to the police and even the army itself to look for answers, the police said they couldn't do anything "this is beyond our purview" Magann quotes the answer she received, now the army, sent a letter of retraction to them, asking apologies for the mistake made and saying that they will increase the value of the aid given to him every month.

Hank still doesn't have much memory about his life before that time in the hospital, he and Magann are working on it together, "if weren't for this nosy boy I would probably spend my entire life believing a lie" says Hank, with gratitude on his face, James smiles back at him, "I just wanted to understand why... why keep Hank away from us, make him believe that this was his life, that he had no family?" says Magann indignantly, that's the question hammering Cat's head as well.

At the end of the interview, James takes the opportunity to look at some documents and other papers that the couple had kept all this time, while Cat talks to Maggan, now casually, about Metropolis, the woman lived there before knowing about Hank and deciding to drop everything and come to Midvale, “ don't you miss the city?” Cat asks, thinking about how much herself misses the city, Maggan looks at Hank still at her side, before turning to her with a huge smile on the face “not at all, my life is with him, wherever he is I'll be too and very happy... this is how life should be” .

Cat absorbs the answer, trying not to think about her own life and the choices she made, choices that she has started to ask herself if they were really right, "Cat, take a look at this" James calls out to her, and she thanks him mentally for interrupting her thoughts, they were going to a place that she’s not yet ready to deal with.

She goes to the table and examines the place in the paper that James is pointing at her, Lillian Luthor is the name signing one of the documents, Cat looks at James intrigued, what would the Luthors have to do with this story? .

Soon, the two say goodbye, thank Hank and Maggan and return to the newsroom, all the way back Cat's mind is racing, trying to draw some line, a theory of what might have happened, why would the army try to hide a simple soldier? And what do the Luthors have to do with it? , are the questions hammering in her head.

When they arrived at the newsroom, the two spent hours looking for more information, they were able to find two sources that could help. 

"I think that's it for today" James runs his hand over the face, clearly tired, Cat agrees with him, it's after eleven at night, the two hadn’t even stopped to eat and Cat had forgotten, but she still has an article to finish.

And during her return home, Cat begins, for the first time, to seriously question whether working on the Daily Planet is really a dream come true.

///

To Cat's surprise, Katherine is sitting on the small bench on the porch, is she waiting for me? , exhausted and thoughtful, Cat decides to keep the other woman company and sit next to her on the bench.

They stay silent, Cat looks around at the garden in front of her and breathes the fresh and slightly perfumed air, it's relaxing, "the garden is beautiful" her voice is soft, she doesn't want to break the almost ethereal atmosphere that's in the air, "thank you" Katherine replies after a moment of silence.

Another long moment of silence fills the atmosphere around them and Cat can't help the curiosity that has been consuming her since she returned "why?" , Katherine is slow to answer and Cat is about to complement the question, thinking that the other woman hadn't understood, when Katherine decides what to say "it's important to me..." there is something in her voice that Cat has never heard before, a depth, an emotion "take care of something... see something that I planted grow, develop and become a beautiful thing".

Cat spends long seconds trying to assimilate the answer, she’s not sure if it’s just another way for Katherine to say she’s a failure, a metaphor to say that she hasn't become something beautiful or if the woman is criticizing herself, after all she didn't take care of Cat, if Cat managed to have a decent life and achieve what she has it so far, it was all her merit, not Katherine's, despite Katherine, Cat did it.

And then Katherine gets up and Cat is alone, with no answer to her question and with more to think about.

Going back to Midvale has been more introspective than she ever thought it would be.

Chapter Text

Chapter 5

The heat is strong and if it weren't for the light spring breeze, Cat knows she couldn't stay there much longer, they're lying in the low grass with their legs stretched in opposite directions from each other, Cat has Kara's face inches from hers.

Kara and her, a few weeks ago, found this hidden place behind the school wall, it's a beautiful green space, filled with trees that surround them, there, in that space, with only the trees, the sky and Kara for company, Cat felt at peace like nowhere else.

They usually spend hours lying there, sometimes laughing, sometimes in silence, once and another Kara points to a cloud and Cat has to find out what animal it looks like.

Cat really loves this place.

Now they're laughing at Kara, in fact Cat is laughing at the angst face that Kara is making "don't laugh..." she says sulkily, which only makes Cat's laugh increase "I'm sorry" Cat says trying to hold on.

“why does this just happen to me?” , Cat looks at her, Kara is looking at the sky thoughtfully, so in that position Cat takes a moment to look at the face beside her, the naturally drawn pink lips, the blonde strand of hair that insists in escaping the ponytail, the skin that Cat has no doubt how soft it should be.

She turns her gaze to the sky before answering "well... you're beautiful" she tries to control her voice so it doesn't sound so intense, she feels Kara look away from the sky and turn to her, but she remains steadfast looking at the clouds.

“you're beautiful too” Kara says after moments of silence, Cat's heart races and she holds on the smile not to show how happy the compliment made her, “what are you going to do?” Cat tries to change the subject, go back to the initial question, it's safer.

Kara takes a deep breath and looks at the sky, thoughtfully again "tell him I don't feel the same way" .

It turns out that Winn decided to declare his passion for Kara and once again the girl finds herself in this complicated situation, she had already worked out with Jimmy, in the first days something was a little strange in the air, but now Cat realizes that everything is back to normal, but Kara is afraid that with Winn it will be more difficult.

“well… you deserve more anyway” Cat tries to say with a playful tone, but Kara doesn't laugh, she continues looking at the sky thoughtful, there is this moment of silence that makes Cat nervous and without knowing what to say, should I change the subject? .

“I don't think it's that” Kara finally says, her voice is low, Cat can tell that she's nervous “what do you mean?” , Cat sees Kara's mouth open and closes several times, the girl is looking for the right words, until she gives up and the silence returns, it's distressing for Cat, she's about to say something, change the subject when Kara abruptly breaks the silence.

“I think I like girls” she says at once, as if in a rush of courage.

Cat absorbs the words silently, she likes girls , she repeats in her mind, thinking about herself, the things she feels when she's close to Kara, how much her heart races, the shiver that runs down her spine and the growing desire to to be closer and closer to the other girl, to touch her, to kiss her? she asks herself, things falling into place inside her head.

"you think I'm a freak, don't you?" , Cat didn't realize that she had been lost in her own mind for so long, Kara's sad voice is what pulls her back to reality.

Kara is sitting now, her arms around her legs, she looks so scared, "of course not, Kara!" Cat also sits down so she can look Kara in the eye, but the other girl avoids eye contact, Cat takes her hand "Kara.... Kara, look at me" , the girl lingered, but she looked at her, Cat's heart sinks in the chest, when she sees the anguish and fear in those blue eyes that were always so bright.

"you're not a freak, you're the kindest, most loving, courageous and incredible person I know" , a tear escapes Kara's eyes and Cat doesn't think twice and raises a hand to dry it, Kara tilts her head slightly towards the touch, Cat keeps the hand on Kara's face.

"there is nothing wrong... and I will always be here by your side" Cat tries to hold on her own emotion “for as long as you want me to be”, Kara finally smiles, it's still weak, but it's there, Cat is a little relieved and lets out a breath, “forever” Kara says, her voice soft, the sparkle returning to her eyes, “do you think you can handle me this long?” , Kara laughs, it's like music to Cat's ears, “I'm sure I do” she replies, before looking away, turning back with a thoughtful expression, Cat becomes apprehensive again.

"how do you think my parents will act?" Kara asks, her voice full of fear and insecurity, Cat's heart sinks again with her friend's anguish “they love you Kara, nothing is going to change that” she starts saying in a soft voice to assure Kara “they may be confused at first… but I'm sure it won't last long… they will support you no matter what, I am sure of it” .

She really has no doubts of that, they're wonderful, caring and loving people, Cat can't imagine them having any attitude other than being on Kara's side.

Kara is silent for a few more minutes, apparently taking in Cat's words, but her features do not soften and Cat remains distressed, “what about the boys?” Kara asks, again unsure, Cat takes a moment to think, she has no idea what their reaction will be, Winn, James and Kara have known each other practically since they were babies, she imagines that if they don't handle it well it'll be too heavy for Kara, "you know you don't have to tell them, right?... it's your life" , Kara nods, her expression still distant " yes, I know… but I want to, they're part of me, you know?" .

Cat nods in recognition "I think they will be shocked" Cat starts to say in a relaxed tone, trying to soften the mood, she sits next to Kara and comes closer until their shoulders are touching "I kind want to see their faces... maybe even take a picture" , Kara laughs at the comment.

And Cat actually took the picture, both of them with wide eyes, open mouth, two fools looking at Kara and, to the other girl's happiness, they handled the news well.

And Cat put the photo on her wardrobe door, every time that she needed a moment of relaxation, she looked at the photo that always made her smile.

///

The Midvale welcome sign receives James and Cat back, they were returning from Smallville, one of the sources they obtained the day before worked at the Luthors' house until the death of the family patriarch, Lionel.

After leaving Midvale, the Luthors remained discreet, Cat would even say hidden, in the other city, only years later when their eldest son, Lex, decided to open a company in Metropolis, is that it was discovered where they were all this time, that the father ended up getting married a second time and that Lex is no longer the only heir of the family.

Things changed a lot with Lionel's death, it didn't take long and the family decided to go to the big city, expand business, with Lex and Lilian in charge of everything.

This former employee, whose name he asked to keep confidential, revealed how Lilian developed a domain, sick in their eyes, over Lex, "he was just a child, she turned him into a monster" .

The employee even considered that Lionel's death wasn't natural "it was very strange, he was a perfectly healthy man and one day he's found dead in his office" he whispered, as if the walls could hear him "I bet he was poisoned" .

This information still doesn't help Cat make the connection between Hank and the Luthor, but it does show that something is definitely not right, there must be something big behind it all , she thinks to herself.

With her mind working hard, Cat remains silent in the car, looking out the window without paying much attention, at least until a very smiling Kara with a girl clinging to her arm comes into view, what surprises Cat is that she’s not the same girl from the other night at Noonan’s, no, this time she’s a redhead, beautiful with her hair down flying in the wind, “it looks like someone’s conquering all the girls in town” , Cat listens James' laugh, "she kind of always had that power" .

Cat looks at James in amazement, wondering if he could read minds, "you spoke aloud" he shrugs and lets out another laugh, Cat wants to sink in the car seat in embarrassment, she swore she had just thought and kept her mouth closed "can we pretend this didn't happen?" , he looks at her one last time, Cat knows he's holding himself up not to laugh "you're the boss" .

Luckily for Cat, soon they were already at the Tribune and they got so immersed in the work that there was no room for any other subject, for hours the two gathered the information they had obtained so far, tracing a path is being the most difficult.

And not to help, Cat’s phone starts ringing insistently, she refused the call the first three times, but the person didn’t give up, she decides to look to see who it's that is interfering with her work and she sees Perry White's name flashing on the screen.

Cat suddenly remembers that she hasn't delivered the pigeon story yet, she lets out a frustrated sigh "I have to answer it" she says to James before walking away.

"Cate, then you are alive!" the sarcastic voice says loudly on the other end of the line, he's angry, Cat recognizes, "yes Perry… and I know why you're calling me…", Perry emits a noise on the other end of the line, discrediting Cat "if do you know, why you still haven't sent me?" .

Cat takes a deep breath, she wants to yell at Perry, say how much she's better, how much she deserves better, she wants to say that she's working on something bigger, that she doesn't have time to write about pigeons in squares, but instead she takes a deep breath.

Takes a deep breath, because soon she will be back, soon she will be in Metropolis again and she wants to keep the job, the job I have always dreamed of, she repeats in her mind like a mantra, maybe like this, it will be easier to believe, "I had some unforeseen events… but don't worry, today the article will be done" , he makes that noise again, Cat hates, "I hope so!" and disconnect.

Cat comes back to James' table with a certain sadness, she wanted to stay there with him, working on something real, "I'm sorry, but I need to go" , James looks at her with a certain disappointment "okay, we continue tomorrow" , Cat smiles at him gratefully, "do you need a ride?" , Cat considers accepting, but a walk seems better, she needs to put some thoughts in order "no, thanks".

And she leaves with a strong desire to stay.

///

Walking alone with only the dark and starry sky for company, Cat thinks, thinks about her life, about the past, the present and the future.

This little town where she was born and lived the worst moments, but also best ones, where she met the only important people in her life, where she made real true friendships and Cat knows that if she hadn't left as she did, they would still be by her side, no matter where she was.

But she ran away, she ran away with the hope of a better life, of a better and bigger future, that she didn’t imagine getting here.

But life isn’t better.

She’s alone in a huge city, where people don’t care about each other, where everything is ephemeral and immediate, where she can’t do her job right, where she does her best and doesn’t get recognition.

Metropolis is her Katherine now, recognizing this is like a slap in the face, "you can't run away from problems Cat, this is not how life works" , the memory of those words comes back vivid in her mind.

She knows it, she knew it even when Kara told her that years ago, but she was young, full of dreams and hurt in the soul, to listen to her.

“hey!” , Cat hears someone greeting, “are you lost?” says the voice with an amused tone, "I don't think that's possible in this town" she replies, also amused, "you would be surprised" .

It's Kara who is talking to her, without realizing Cat was almost home, "are you busy?" the other woman hesitantly asks.

Cat is busy, she has an article to write and has already been asked about it, but a time with Kara seems so much more attractive.

She looks at Kara's face, at those eyes that she was never able to say no, some things never change , she thinks, “I’m not” , Kara smiles at her “are you up for a beer?” , Cat nods her head in affirmation, she waits for Kara to finish closing the store and lead the way to the nearest bar.

“I hope your girlfriends don't mind” , they’re sitting at one of the vacant tables in the place, Cat can't help but comment, a part of her wants to know if Kara is actually dating someone, although the other part, the rational one, knows that she doesn't have that right.

"still jealous?" Kara replies, motioning for the waiter to come and serve them, Cat rolls the eyes at Kara "I'm not jealous" , Kara opens a smile and points a finger at Cat's face, "your left eyebrow tells me something else" , Cat turns away the look and runs her hand over the face, as if the gesture made her eyebrow relax, she hates that Kara knows her so well.

The waiter comes to the table, "two beers, please..." Kara starts to say, but turns to Cat first "or do you want something more extravagant, more big city?" , once again Cat rolls her eyes at Kara "a beer is great" , the waiter writes down and leaves.

“how is your mother?” , Cat looks at Kara before answering, she changed the subject... , crosses her mind, “Katherine is fine… in love with her new hobby" Cat thinks that maybe Kara has something to do with that, maybe that’s the explanation for the interaction of the two that other day at Noonan’s.

"I wonder how much you have to do with it" , Kara smiles at her "believe me, I was as surprised as you when I saw her walking into my store" , the answer only instigates more Cat's curiosity, “so what happened, suddenly you became friends, was it a miracle or something?” ,

Kara's expression changes, she looks away and Cat sees the little crease forming in the middle of her forehead, she's thinking about what to say, there is a moment of silence.

“I helped her” Kara finally says, looking at Cat now “one day she was walking to the market and just passed out… a-and I helped her" her voice is serious, deep “I took her home and stayed with her until Dr. Marsdin arrives…” Kara pauses, lets out her breath “she was so scared… I- I used to see her as a wall... massive, unbreakable… and then one day she was there, alone and scared holding my hand" Kara leans back in her chair, her gaze distant "I think something like that changes things a little" .

Cat listens to everything in silence, a part of her blaming herself for not having been there, for not having been the one holding Katherine's hand and the other party abstaining herself from the guilt, if she wasn't there, it was the fault of Katherine herself, who always pushed her away.

Cat doesn't know which part is right, maybe both.

"I think so" is the only answer she can give.

The waiter comes back with the beers, the table is filled with a contemplative silence, "I read some of your articles" Kara says at some point, Cat was afraid she would say that, she feels ashamed, Kara must have noticed, "I thought they were good” , Cat laughs sarcastically "you don't have to lie to make me feel better" , Kara smiles "seriously, I found the article about Echinacea very interesting" , Cat laughs, Kara always knew how to make the best of everything, she would like to be more like her.

The silence returns, Cat is too ashamed of herself to continue on the same subject.

"there is no girlfriend" Kara says suddenly returning to the initial subject "they're just friends... straight friends" Kara completes and for some reason Cat's heart accelerates in the chest "what a shame, they’re very beautiful women" Cat tries to pass indifference with the comment.

"I think you're more" .

Cat is taken aback by the confession, her eyes are drawn to Kara's, they're bright and deep, full of unspoken feelings and Cat feels the need to get out of there fast.

Before she drowns again.

"I have to go” she says getting up from the table “I have an article to finish” , she doesn't wait for Kara to say goodbye, before anything else she's already outside, the night breeze is already blowing in her face and her legs are already fast guiding her home.

As if she is running away from something, from someone, from herself.

Once again she's running away.

Chapter Text

Chapter 6

It's summer and the sun is burning Cat's back and yet she refuses to enter the lake, it's the third time that Kara calls for her, Cat notices that the girl is losing her temper, but she can't help it, the water terrifies her, "come on Cat, to learn to swim you have to be in the water" Kara points out as if it's the most obvious thing in the world, which it's, Cat presumes.

"no!... I bet it's freezing" Cat doesn't really believe that, the sun is too hot, certainly the water must be nice, but she needs to find some excuse, Kara rolls her eyes at Cat, "come... put your feet in the water at least" , Cat looks at Kara, she still takes a moment until decides to try, it's just my feet , she repeats to herself, and with her eyes half closed she gets closer to the lake.

And then Cat feels a tug on her foot and suddenly she's in the water, she opens her eyes, but all she can see are confused and distorted images, she's terrified, until arms pull her to the surface and she finally feels that can breathe, she can hear Kara laughing out loud, she runs her hands over the face trying to dry the excess water "I hate you!... I could have died!" .

Kara throws some water in her direction “the lake isn't that deep and I wouldn’t let that happen” , Cat looks at her still angry, she realizes that she's standing and that the water is just above the height of her chest, Kara is right after all, but she won't say it out loud, “and now what?” , Kara laughs again before approaching her “now I teach you how to swim” .

Kara moves closer to her, but stops just before she reaches, suddenly nervous "so... I-I need to hold your waist, okay?" she says uncertainly, her eyes avoiding contact with Cat's, who feels her heart racing in anticipation, “of course” her voice came out low, choked by the speed of her own heartbeat, Kara still takes a while to touch her, her arms rehearsing the movement before Cat finally feels insecure hands holding her waist.

Kara clears her throat before saying "I-I need you to relax" , Cat doesn't think this will be possible, "you need to float in the water first, to feel your weight, to give you more security" , Cat risks looking at Kara, but regrets it right away, the girl is too close, she looks away and breathes through the mouth to relieve the tension, but it doesn't work much, "ok" she says closing her eyes.

"now relax your legs, remember that I'm holding you, so there's no need to be afraid" Kara's voice is low and very close to her ear and Cat feels the hairs on the back of her neck shiver, she just hopes Kara didn't notice.

She does what the other girl asked "great... now lie on your back" , Cat lets out a breath through her mouth, this is all a little scary, when she makes the move to lay, Kara's hands go to her back giving the support she needs, really makes Cat feel safe.

"it will feel a little uncomfortable in the ears, but is normal" , Cat nods to her, it really feels strange, "now spread your arms wide" , Cat resists a little before following Kara's command, "great... now I will release you” .

Cat opens her eyes for the first time since she closed them, the idea of being without the safety of Kara’s arms didn’t seem pleasant at all, Kara smiles at her "it's okay, I'm still going to be here, I'll just take my hands away a little" , Cat takes a deep breath and closes her eyes again, it takes a while, but slowly Kara takes her hands away from her back.

It's a strange feeling, a mixture of fear and freedom, relaxation and tension, she's even afraid of breathing, as if the act could make her lose her stability and drown, "breathe" Kara says softly at her ear, Cat feels a shiver run down her body to her tiptoes.

At some point Cat feels confident to open her eyes, the clear blue sky is the first thing she sees, it's really relaxing, "it's good, isn't it?" , Cat hears Kara say, she can say that the girl is smiling by the tone of her voice, “yes… in a scary way, but yes” , Kara laughs and after a few moments Cat feels the other girl's hands back on her back “now you'll start stamping your feet in the water quickly, keeping your legs straight” , Cat looks at her, Kara smiles encouragingly, she looks towards the sky again, takes a deep breath and follows Kara's commands.

It's harder than Cat thought it would be, the water feels heavier and heavier with each tap of her feet, Kara continues to encourage her, her hands never leave Cat's back at any time.

It takes a lot of trying, willpower and patience, but she did it, without Kara's help she's now going from the edge of the lake to the point where Kara is, always waiting for her, it's still a little clumsy, Cat realizes, but she's getting it, for the happiness of both.

“I told you it wasn't impossible” Kara yells at her, Cat rests a little and gets ready to go back to where Kara is, her legs are very sore from all the effort and in the middle of the way something goes wrong and she finds herself sinking in the water, it’s terrifying seconds, until Kara’s hands pull her up “it’s okay… you’re just tired” .

It takes a while for Cat to calm her heart, she's breathing hard, scared, only when she manages to calm down that she realizes how close Kara is.

Cat can see the small freckles on Kara's cheeks and the small drops of water stuck to her lashes, Cat’s heart starts to pound in the chest and she can't take her eyes off Kara.

Like this, so close to each other, Cat sees Kara's eyes go down to her lips and stays there, the girl bites her bottom lip and Cat's eyes are drawn to it, her heart is beating so hard that she feels it in her ears, can Kara hear it? , she thinks anxiously.

It's seconds that seem endless and Cat thinks what she can do, she could move away from Kara, thank her for today and leave, it would be the easiest, but she's tired of the easy, tired of having Kara so close and doing nothing.

It's the scariest thing Cat has ever done, but there, only Kara and she, with Kara so close that she can feel her hot breath hitting her face, there, she decides not to hide her feelings anymore.

“Kara” her voice is so soft, that it's almost a whisper “I want to kiss you” , Kara's eyes go up to hers, those two blue dots are shining in surprise, it takes a moment for Kara to react “I want to kiss you too” , Cat's heart is so loud in her ears that she barely hears Kara's response.

She feels when Kara tightens the arms around her waist, in response, her hands go up to the other girl's neck and a warmth overtakes Cat’s body. 

Their lips are touching.

The kiss is light and insecure, warm and wet and the world stops for a second, there is only Kara, her hands on her waist, her lips close to hers and her heart beating at a thousand beats per second.

Kara moves away slightly and leans her forehead next to Cat's, who still has her eyes closed, "I'm not dreaming, am I?" Kara asks after a moment, her voice nothing more than a whisper, Cat laughs before answering "only if we're sharing the same dream" , Kara moves away a little more, Cat then opens her eyes, the most beautiful smile she has ever seen is the first thing she sees, warms her heart, "s-so do you like me?" Kara asks, still slightly unsure.

Cat tightens her hands around Kara's neck, bringing her even closer "yes… for quite a while actually" , after the kiss it seems easier to talk about her feelings, it’s slightly less scary, Kara smiles even more at her “so we’ve been two idiots all this time?” , Cat laughs, it’s the undisputed truth.

"God!... I want to take you on dates, hold your hand… kiss you a million times" Kara says excitedly, almost dreamily, Cat is so happy, it looks like her heart is going to explode at any moment "I like all this” , Kara looks at her for long seconds, her eyes shining in a way Cat has never seen before and now she wants to see every day.

And then Kara gets closer, and then their lips are touching again, and it's warm and safe and the world stops and it comes down to just that.

To Kara and her, to the warmth and happiness, to her heart pounding in the chest.

She has never been happier.

///

Cat wakes up abruptly, her heart is racing, it's the second time she has this dream, nightmare, actually.

She tries to deliver an article to James, but she never succeeds, there's always something that stops her, there's always something more to write and when she finishes, when she gets at James' table, he turns into Perry White and starts yelling at her, saying how insignificant she's and then he turns into Katherine and Cat wakes up.

Her back is sweaty, her shirt is sticking to her body, she takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself, "it was just a nightmare" she says to herself in the silence of the room.

It's still early, but Cat doesn't think about going back to sleep, so she goes down the stairs, she's sure Katherine is already preparing breakfast.

And she's right, when entering the kitchen Cat sees the other woman balancing on a chair trying to grab something from one of the cupboards, Cat approaches slowly, so as not to scare the other woman and luckily she gets in time to catch Katherine before she fall to the ground, it was all so fast that Cat didn't realize what she was doing, she acted on sheer impulse.

Holding Katherine, Cat tries to balance the woman to sit her on one of the chairs of the table, the woman looks pale, disoriented, "are you okay?" Cat asks once, but gets no answer, she starts to worry, "Katherine, are you okay?" she tries again, her voice firmer this time, "I'm fine, I can take care of myself" the other woman finally replies, taking Cat's arms away from hers.

Cat lets out a breath through her nose, disbelieving the other woman's reaction "there's the Katherine I know" she gets up from the chair, moving away from the woman, "I-I'm sorry… I'm not used to this yet" Katherine says hurriedly before Cat leaves the kitchen, "to this what, be civilized?" Cat can't help the sarcasm in her voice, "no, to having a bomb inside my head" the woman says without looking at Cat, her voice breaking at the end.

Cat takes a deep breath, trying to calm herself "look, I know you're sick, but it doesn't erase everything you've ever done" Cat tries to keep her voice as calm as possible, she doesn't want to make things worse, "I know that" Katherine replies after a moment of silence, "then you can stop pretending and start acting like you really are" , tears are already appearing in Cat's eyes, Katherine was always her weak point, which destabilized her.

"I'm really sorry Cat" Katherine looks at her, Cat sees the sincerity in her eyes, but she doesn't accept, "for everything" Katherine complements, her voice thick, Cat would say that the other woman is emotional, if she didn’t know her so well, if she didn’t know that she's unable to feel anything, Cat lets out a sarcastic laugh "a little late for that, don't you think?" .

Katherine looks away and takes a deep breath "I know I can't change the past or erase everything I've ever done to you" , Cat looks up, trying to keep the tears from falling from her eyes, "and that's not what I am trying to do" , Cat lets out a breath through her nose, again unbelieving, "so what is it?" Cat knows she's almost screaming, but she can't help it, "doing it differently, being better" Katherine seeks Cat's gaze, but she doesn't look at the other woman, " so you start taking care of some flowers and what? Makes you feel like a real mother?" .

Katherine looks away, Cat knows she's saying too much, that they should stop before it hurts more, "it helps" Katherine replies at some point "makes me not feel like a failure" , the last word catches Cat in the face.

Failure.

Katherine loved to call her that.

"Cat, I'm really sorry and you have every right not to believe... or accept" Katherine gets up from the chair "but I need you to be better than me" , Cat looks at her, Katherine's eyes are full of tears and Cat can no longer hold her owns, "I lost your father and I got mad at life" , now Cat really can't hold back anymore, the tears come out without any control.

Katherine never talks about her father and Cat barely remembers him, she was only two years old when he died in a traffic accident, the only things Cat knows about him were told to her by her grandmother in hidden moments, and that was before Katherine forbade them from meeting.

Cat has only one picture of him that she carries in her bag and the knowledge that her eyes are the same color as his, "now you talk about him" she allows herself to say, cutting Katherine's sentence in the middle.

The other woman swallows and takes a deep breath, "I know, I shouldn't have done it that way... I just couldn't..." Katherine puts her hand over the chest and squeezes as if the movement could pull the pain out, Cat has never seen her like this before "it just hurt so much... I couldn't do it" .

Katherine looks for support in the chair, looking dizzy again, Cat on impulse approaches the woman, Katherine doesn't push her away this time, "don't be like me Cat" she says, Cat tries her best to avoid the woman's eyes, "you're beautiful, capable and incredibly talented" Katherine's words hit Cat in the face, she always wanted to hear them before, but now it seems a little too late.

"but don't shut yourself up for life… don't push people away" Katherine is crying, Cat can hardly believe what she's seeing, and listening, "you can live alone, but it won't be easy and Cat… you deserve a happy life, love, respect…" Katherine pauses for a moment, her voice so choked up that the words hardly come out "don't give up on you… don't run away, don't discount on life" .

Cat feels Katherine's hand on her face, trying to wipe her tears, Cat thinks she even saw a smile on the other woman's face, "if I could have taught you at least this... I can die happy".

The word death touches Cat in a place she has avoided, because despite everything, Cat feels something for Katherine, it's painful and almost masochistic, but she does, and facing the fact that death is near, is something she has avoided from the beginning, that way it might not come true.

So Cat takes a deep breath, swallows the emotion and sits Katherine in the chair again, "I'll get you some water" , Katherine nods in gratitude, "you can't exalt yourself in this way" Cat hands the glass to the other woman "I'll prepare the breakfast" .

In silence Cat prepares the breakfast, her head replaying the whole conversation over and over, and then there are the memories of the past, of the words always so acid and painful.

Don't be like me.

Something deep in Cat knew that, knew that in the end she would become like her mother, people even say that it's the natural course of things, but she never really faced it, it's easier that way.

But hearing that being said out loud, changes things a little, makes them more real, more eminent and it makes Cat want to change, break the pattern.

But for now she focuses on preparing the breakfast, she focuses on the present.

///

Cat needed a place to be alone, a place to think, to put her thoughts and feelings in order, the first place that came to her mind was the green space behind the school wall. It's amazing how the place still causes the same sensations in Cat from years ago, there, she's at peace, safe, like nowhere else in the world.

She's quiet, sitting leaning against one of the trees looking at the sky distractedly, her mind so full that she doesn't notice anything else around her, only when Cat hears the sound of branches breaking is that her attention is diverted, the noise suddenly catches her attention.

"I'm sorry… I-I hoped I could leave without you noticing" Kara is standing looking at her very embarrassed, Cat can't help the smile that forms on her face, she still comes here , crosses her mind, "that's okay, you can stay" Cat offers, but Kara doesn't move "if I stay will you leave?" .

Cat looks at Kara, she hadn't thought of that, she hoped to spend a few minutes with the other woman, like old times, "if you want me to go, I do" she says, hoping that her voice doesn't convey her dismay, "no!... I-I thought you might want to go, I…" Kara takes a moment to breathe "I want you to stay" , Cat smiles and leans back against the tree trunk, after a moment Kara is at her side.

"bad morning?" , Cat takes a deep breath before answering "the same as always" , they sit in silence for a while, at one point Kara starts laughing, Cat looks at her confused "what is it?" , Kara continues to laugh when she replies "it's just depressing... so many years have passed and we're still suffering from the same problems" , Cat takes a moment to think about it, it's really depressing "it's this city..." she says amusingly "it's haunted" .

Kara looks at her in disbelief "no, it's not! Midvale is beautiful!" , now it's Cat who looks at the woman in disbelief "oh is it? Where?... there is only dust and old things falling apart" , Kara is so indignant that she moves away from the tree so she can look Cat in the eye, "we are in a beautiful place" she says, as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"any park or square has a place like this" , Kara lets out a breath through her nose, disbelieving of Cat's words, and suddenly she gets up, "what are you doing?" Cat is scared, they were relaxed, she didn't think Kara was going to take her words so seriously.

"doing something different" she says almost out of the grassy space "are you coming or not? ", Cat looks confused to the point where Kara left, "last call!" , Cat hears Kara scream in the distance, "I'm going!" .

///

Kara’s pickup is, somehow, her face, it’s cozy and warm, new and invigorating and it smells like her, that sweet scent that Cat misses so much.

And there are also flowers, lots of flowers and plants in the body, "I didn't know you were interested in gardening" , Kara smiles without taking her eyes off the road, Cat has no idea where they're going, anxiety does somersaults in her belly, "it wasn't really the gardening that interested me… it was the business" , Cat looks at her without understanding much, Kara realizes "I was looking for a business to run, I had the money and wanted to try… Mrs. Carr offered me the store and the old Snapper couldn't refuse" .

Cat take time to absorb the information "so, isn't it like you're living your dream?" , Kara risks looking at her for a few seconds before turning her attention back to the road "I am happy, I have a good job, I have my life, my home... I would say I am" , Cat looks out the window, at the landscape passing by, she wishes she could say the same about her own life.

"I kind of imagined that you would be a firefighter" she comments, reminiscing about the past, Kara laughs "I don't think there are so many cats in the city to be saved... I would be bored" , Cat laughs "I'm sure many of the girls in the city would put themselves in danger just to be saved by you" .

For a moment Kara is silent "is this your way of calling me hot?" , Cat looks at the other woman almost shocked, this is new, the Kara she knew used to be bad with words, a mess of stutters and rambling, "since when did you get so bold?" , Kara laughs out loud this time and then she turns her attention back to Cat for a few seconds, her gaze on Cat is dense "I learned a few things" , Cat swallows, a heat comes down her body, she decides to look ahead, to be silent, it's safer.

"how far is it? Cat says after a few minutes, Kara waits for a while to respond "actually we're here" , Cat looks around, they're in the middle of nowhere, there are only green fields around and a hill in front of them, she turns to speak to Kara, but the woman is already out of the car, "are you planning to kill me?" she says, opening the door to get out of the car.

Kara looks at her, confused "no!… Why would I do that?" , Cat can think of some reasons, like the fact that she broke her heart years ago, but decides not to answer anything, she doesn't want to ruin the mood.

"it's right there" Kara points to the hill, "you're kidding me, right?", Kara looks at her, again confused, "it's hot as hell and you still want me to go up there?", Kara shrugs "it will be worth it" she says, starting to climb the hill "come on Cat, you'll like it" Kara turns to her and Cat looks right at the woman. 

There, looking at Kara, who has the clear blue sky in her background, a smile on the face, the cheeks red from the heat of the sun, Cat feels fifteen again, with her heart racing, her stomach agitated, the shiver down her spine, in love, but without the courage to confess her feelings.

She takes a deep breath and follows Kara, the hill isn't so high and when Cat gets to the top, the sight that receives her makes her forget any complaints, Cat is looking at dozens of sunflowers in a row, staring at the sun, it's the most beautiful thing Cat has ever seen.

She walks into the path of sunflowers, raises a hand to touch one of them, to make sure that it's real, that it's not a dream, a mirage.

"I said it would be worth it" Kara says softly, her voice almost a whisper, as if any noise could break the spell, "it's beautiful" Cat says emotionally, her voice barely comes out, her eyes are full of tears, it's like witnessing a miracle, it’s amazing that things like that exist.

And then she looks at Kara, who is looking at her too, those blue dots shining with emotion, and then she doesn't feel worthy, she doesn't feel deserving, she did something horrible to Kara and yet the other woman is here, smiling at showing her how beautiful the world can be, "I don't deserve this" she says, Kara looks at her, again confused, "you shouldn't do this for me, you should hate me" .

Kara looks away, Cat sees her swallow, let the air out of her mouth "and you should stop telling people how they should feel" she approaches Cat "I have already hated you.... I have already cried for months and then missed you..." , Cat feels Kara's warm hands in hers, "that was the only feeling that remained, the others passed" .

Kara is too close, close enough for Cat to see the small freckles on her face, to feel the warm breath that comes out of her mouth, the strand of hair that flutters lonely over her eye.

Cat thinks she's going to pass out, it's too much, she isn't ready, she doesn't deserve " I-I…" she tries in a weak voice, "have to go" Kara completes for her, "I imagined" Kara looks away and slowly lets go of Cat's hand, who holds herself back to not pull and connect their hands together again.

"let's go" Kara calls, already coming back down the hill, Cat is standing still, taken by the moment, she risks looking at Kara and to her surprise the woman is still smiling at her, her beautiful and sincere smile, Cat's heart tightens more in the chest.

"thank you" Cat says, when Kara leaves her at home, the return much quieter than the going, Kara looks at her one last time "I'm here for you Cat... that hasn't changed" and Cat recognized that tone of voice, that seriousness, the words were coming from the bottom of her heart, her soul and Cat smiles at Kara, her sincere smile, full of unspoken feelings, which she doesn't give to anyone else, is exclusive to Kara.

And Cat knows that Kara recognized it.

Chapter Text

Chapter 7

The time with Kara has been precious, they don't talk about it, but Cat feels that time is running out and something tells her that Kara feels the same.

The final exams are coming, soon they will have to decide which way to go from now on. Cat knows that Kara doesn't think of leaving Midvale, if it's to study abroad, it will be in a nearby city, but not too far away, this is her place, Cat knows that, she always knew, but knowing doesn't make the situation less distressing, mainly because Cat also knows that her place is not here, she cannot and doesn't want to imagine herself living Midvale for much longer, she wants more, bigger.

Better.

So she feels that the time is running out.

They should be studying, but they can't stay close without touching, without hugging, without kissing, there is a certain urgency in every minute that they are together.

The uncontrolled hormones that run throughout her body also have a part in it, Cat knows that.

Kara's warm hands are on her back under her shirt, sometimes going up and coming close to her bra bundle, sometimes going down and reaching the waistband of her jeans, it's almost distressing, Cat wants more, her body needs more.

In those moments she finds herself pulling Kara closer, demanding more, deepening the kiss and Kara always responds, opening her mouth wider, touching her tongue in such a precise and perfect way, that her toes contract and Cat feels the need of more contact and without control, her hip grinds on Kara's belly looking for more friction, for some kind of relief, and Cat moans in Kara's open mouth, who drops her lips to her chin, her neck, her chest.

Cat can't help it, her nails dig into the back of the other girl's neck and this time it's Kara moaning, Cat feels the hot breath she leaves on her neck.

It's almost too much, it's like her whole body is on fire and sensitive, each a simple touch causes reactions in her that she cannot handle, that she, sincerely, doesn't want to handle anymore.

Cat pulls Kara's face so they can look each other in the eye, Kara reluctantly lets herself be guided upwards, the girl is out of breath, her cheeks are red, her lips are swollen, her glasses are crooked and blurred and the blue of her eyes has been taken by the black of her dilated pupils, just that sight already makes Cat's body burn, her center ache, tighten.

Sitting on Kara's lap, in Kara's bedroom, Cat doesn't want to hold on anymore, she wants Kara.

She needs Kara.

"I'm sorry-" Kara tries to speak but Cat interrupts by placing her index finger on her lips, Kara always apologizes, thinking that she has crossed some limit, but this time no, this time Cat won't let her apologize, not when she's giving everything her body asks for and yearns so much, that it gets painful.

“don't be sorry” Cat barely recognizes her own voice, thick and heavy “I want you Kara… I need you” , Kara takes long seconds to assimilate Cat's words “are you sure?” , Cat sees insecurity playing deep in those eyes and in the tone of her low voice, “I have… with every fiber of my being” , Kara looks at her one last time, her look deep, full of feelings.

And then her hands go up to Cat's back, their lips meet again, devouring themselves, Cat's shirt is thrown into a corner of the room and Cat does the same with Kara's.

And when their bodies meet again, it's hot and electrifying, and Kara's lips go down to her neck, Cat scratches Kara's back and the girl arches and her hips lift and Cat moans at the contact.

Kara gets up off the floor holding Cat by the waist and takes her to bed, lying down Cat watches Kara take off her jeans and place her glasses on the nearest surface, before joining her on the bed, before kissing her again.

The girl's shaking hands come down from her waist to her legs and then to her butt, touching and pulling Cat closer.

Cat moans in frustration because she wants to feel more, but her pants are still on the way and Kara understands, Kara always understands, always knows what she needs.

Soon the girl's fingers are on the button, lowering the zipper and pushing the garment away and Cat wraps her legs around Kara's waist again, hugging her, and when she tightens her legs, her center touches Kara's belly and the two moan.

There are only two pieces in their path, and soon they are dropped too.

Kara's hands are warm on her breasts, her fingers are curious and Cat watches Kara's gaze on her body, and she sees the desire, the affection, the admiration, the adoration.

Cat moans when Kara's mouth replaces the hands, when the girl licks her nipple and sucks her breasts with determination, Cat arches and her hand goes down to Kara's ass and pulls her closer and the other girl's humidity touches hers and they both moan, Cat sees stars and loses air.

The contact is fast, too fast for her needs, she needs more, she needs everything, Kara kisses her “I love you” she says in her ear, it’s not the first time Cat hears these words, but it’s always like the first time, warm, safe and fill her heart, "I love you too" she responds back the feeling that fills her heart.

Cat feels Kara smile before the girl kisses her temple, her cheek, the tip of her nose, her lips, her neck, her breasts, her belly, Cat feels Kara's fingers gently slide the last piece of clothing on her body.

For a moment Cat feels exposed and insecure, but it passes when she looks at Kara, into those eyes full of desire, Kara looks at her for permission and Cat looks deep in her eyes saying yes, unable to say any words at the moment.

Kara still kisses the inside of her thigh and Cat bites her lower lip in anticipation, when Kara's lips reach her humidity, her eyes close and her whole body arches towards Kara, towards Kara's mouth, and it's hot, humid and slightly insecure, Kara is tasting her, exploring.

And Cat loves every second of it.

She no longer has any control over her body, she all acts and reacts to Kara, an urgency, almost painful, grows in her center, and Kara responds to it, Cat can only moan and tighten her legs around Kara's head, seeking more contact and Kara gives her, gives her everything, and the relief comes.

Cat's back arches and her whole body twitches and her lips part, letting out the air.

It's the most incredible thing she has ever felt.

Cat takes time to come to her senses, to be able to open her eyes and breathe normally, Kara has come back up and is looking at her with a smile on the face.

Cat kisses her, there is a different taste on the other girl's lips, Cat is proving herself, it's interesting and exciting and the heat gets back.

This time it’s Cat who wants to give Kara everything, she’s the one who wants to feel the girl's breasts in her hands, in her mouth, taste Kara’s body.

And Cat does it, in the same admired, passionate and anxious way.

When her hand goes down, when her fingers find the swollen spot, Kara moans in her neck and the sound is the most wonderful thing Cat has ever heard.

When her fingers slide through the tight humidity, Kara arches and her hips move, asking for more, and Cat obeys, her fingers slide faster, when Cat tries to adjusts her hand, her fist grips the swollen spot and Kara moans, loud, uncontrolled, and then there is a high-pitched, choked scream, and then there is silence.

Cat feels her fingers tighten inside Kara and the girl's humidity slips over her hand, and for a moment Kara doesn't move, Cat looks at her, her eyes closed, her lips parted, her expression relieved.

It's the most incredible thing she has ever seen.

Cat kisses Kara softly, hugs her and lays her on the bed, their hot, sweaty bodies are intertwined as one, it's safe and warm, and Cat clings to this moment, to silence and happiness, as if it were her only opportunity.

Before time runs out.

///

A voice is speaking, Cat can hear in the background, but her mind is so full of everything, that she cannot define the words that are spoken, until there is a snap of fingers and the unusual noise finally makes her wake up, "are you listening to me?" James's deep voice asks, his gaze inspecting Cat's face "are you okay?" .

Cat wants to say no, maybe talking to a friend would do some good, it would help to put her head in order, but she's tired even for that, so she decides for the easiest "I'm fine... what were you saying?" , James looks at her one last time before repeating "I was saying that Lena Luthor is in town" .

The information lights up an alert in Cat's mind, now she's really awake "what do you mean, since when?" , James smiles, seeming pleased to finally get Cat's attention "apparently two days ago" .

Two days... so after they start digging through Hank’s story , Cat thinks, she's feeling more and more that they’re on the right track, after all, why would a Luthor go back to the city they abandoned years ago and just now, "I think we should talk to her" James says with conviction, "no... it's still too early" , he looks at her confused.

“we still don’t have as many leads that link Hank to the Luthors, there’s only one signature on a document… we wouldn’t have the right questions” , James seems to think of Cat’s words “so what do we do now?” , Cat thinks for a minute before answering "we need someone from inside the army" , James thinks for a minute and, in a slightly embarrassed way, he says "well... I think I know someone" .

///

When James mentioned the surname Lane, it caught Cat's attention, but she thought the chances would be minimal, it couldn't be true that even here, somehow, Lois Lane would be on her hair, surely there should be a lot of families with the surname Lane, but when they arrived at the appointed place and Cat saw the dark-haired woman sitting waiting for them, the resemblance was undeniable and Cat could hardly believe her lack of luck.

"hi Lucy" James greets the woman, his nervousness is visible and Cat would pay more attention to it, if it weren't for her own nervousness, “this is Cat Gr-” James tries introduce Cat, but she doesn't let him finish the sentence “Cat... you can just call me Cat” , Cat thinks she noticed the other woman's reaction to her name, but it could just be her paranoia, “she's a great friend, works for The Dail-” , Cat interrupts him once again “the Tribune… I work with him” , James looks at her quite confused, but doesn't say anything, "so... can we start?" Cat wants to get this over with, James looks at her once more before he clears his throat and starts.

The plan is to get information from inside the army, access to documents that help to understand what really happened to Hank twenty years ago and, if they're right, as Cat is sure they're, find more information that connects the Luthors to all of it, but Lucy didn't seem to like the idea at all.

“you guys have an idea that what you're asking me is illegal, right?” , the two are fully aware of it, but Cat thought Lucy would be more open to the idea, James made a huge propaganda of the other woman all along the way, “we know… but it's important” he tries again, Cat sees him looking at Lucy with something deep in his eyes, Cat feels that there is something between the two, that James didn't tell her about, “James... I know your job is important, but I can't do that" .

Cat is feeling like the third wheel, "Lucy, a man has had his life stolen... he couldn't even see his daughter born… twenty years Lucy, a good man” , Lucy leans back in the chair, seeming to think about it, they're in a cafeteria just outside Smallville, where the other woman is on duty at the moment, "I'm sorry James, this is a federal crime... I can't do it" , James and Lucy look at each other in silence for a few minutes before the woman gets up from the table, saying goodbye and apologizing at the same time.

James leans back in his chair looking defeated, Cat is torn between comforting him or going after the woman, she decides on the second option, James isn't going anywhere, but Lucy is already opening the door of the cafeteria and leaving.

“wait!” , Lucy delays, but turns to answer Cat's call, “you seem to be a good person... I know what we asked for is too much” Cat approaches the woman “but take some time to think… you'll be doing a good thing” , so Cat leaves a card with her name and contact in Lucy's hands, she no longer cares whether the woman would recognize her or not, the story is more important than her problems with Lois Lane, Cat smiles goodbye and comes back into the cafeteria.

She's about to sit at the table, already preparing herself mentally to help James, when she feels a hand on her shoulder, when she turns around Cat faces Lucy, still holding her card in the hand, “ok… I help you” she says, still afraid “but you have to be quick and discreet”.

Cat smiles at her before turning towards James, Cat slaps him on the shoulders to see if he gets up and wakes up to life, he gets a fright "let's go!" , James looks from Lucy to Cat, very confused, Lucy smiles at him "let's go... she doesn't seem to be the type who waits" .

In the car, Cat is curious to ask why Lucy changed her mind so quickly, the other woman smiles at her before saying "my sister's enemies are automatically my friends" , Cat assimilated the answer for a moment, so Lois really goes around talking bad things about her, not that this is a total surprise to Cat.

She decrees Lucy her favorite Lane.

///

Back in the Tribune newsroom, Cat and James have been analyzing the documents they had access to, thanks to Lucy's help, for hours, so far the two have managed to identify several contracts and millionaire deals made between the Luthor and the army, most of them linked to new technologies like weapons, suits, vehicles, drones and other equipment, but so far nothing that seems illegal.

"Cat, look at this" James passes the papers he had in hand to her "these are documents from the year when the incident with Hank happened" , Cat looks closely at the papers in her hands, in them, she identifies that at the same time of the incident, LexCorp had signed a contract with the army, on the day of the incident there was a test of a new technology, whose name is confidential, twenty soldiers were assigned to the test and none of them returned alive, the test result was considered a success.

"how can a test that kills twenty of our men be considered a success?" , James's face changes from thoughtful to somber "if the intention was to test the lethality of the weapon or equipment" , Cat assimilates James's hypothesis "but there are other ways to do that, that don't involve killing people" Cat continues to analyze the documents for more information “it was the first field mission of all soldiers who participated… it was a LexCorp requirement” , Cat looks at James, his gaze is distant “with inexperienced soldiers it’s easier to justify their deaths” .

Cat gets at the soldiers' file with their photos, names, record of activities performed, skills. Cat finds it particularly difficult to look at the photos, all of these men were sent to death and didn't even know it, left wifes, children, friends and couldn't even say goodbye.

Hank's file is the last one, the serious and determined face of a young Hank faces Cat, of all the soldiers, he was the only one where the body wasn't found, "they declared him dead, but they never found the body" , James takes a minute to think "this explains the need to hide him... you hide the only survivor, report him as dead and your test continues with one hundred percent success" , Cat nods in agreement with James.

"that document from Hank's house that Lilian Luthor signed, were documents from the hospital where he stayed after the incident..." Cat says out loud, trying to piece together the facts they have so far “so LexCorp covered all of Hank's medical expenses…” , James listens to everything, trying to follow Cat’s train of thought “now we know why of it… what we don’t know, is the type of technology they tested that day and why they wanted so much the test to work out” .

Cat is silent for a moment thinking about the next step they need to take to get these answers “we’re going to need someone inside LexCorp” , James opens his mouth to answer, but Cat's phone rings interrupting him, it's already the sixth time that it rings and Cat ignores it, James looks at the device "I think you better answer it" .

Cat lets out a breath through her mouth, frustrated, she would rather stay there, continue her work with James, but he's right, she has to take it, after all it's Perry White, her boss, from her job in Metropolis, the job that she dreamed of and that she cannot lose.

She has been repeating this in her head over and over again, trying to believe the words.

She excuses and goes outside to take the call, "Cate!... How are you? working hard I imagine... ” Perry leaves no room for Cat to say anything, "but it is funny... because if you're in fact working so hard, like I'm sure you're... then why do I not have in my email the article you were supposed to deliver to me three days ago?" .

Cat is silent for a moment, waiting to see if Perry has finished his speech "I'm working Perry... I- I just had some unforeseen event-" , Perry interrupts her "I don't care Cate... I only went along with it, because you said you could handle it" , Perry's voice is serious, serious in a way that makes Cat fear what might come next, "if you still want your job, you have to come back" , Cat despairs "no Perry!... it's too early, I-I'm not done yet-" , Perry interrupts again "that's your option" he says and disconnects the call.

Cat holds the phone to her ear for a few more moments, she closes the eyes and takes a deep breath, if you still want your job, you have to come back , the question that has been going through Cat's head for the past few days, and that she has tried so hard to ignore, is thrown in her face.

do I still want this job?

In the last few days, what Cat has been doing is much more journalism than she has done since she started working on the Daily Planet, what she has been doing with James is what she dreamed of doing, what makes her want this career years ago, investigate, discover the truth, bring knowledge to people, help people, change their lives.

This is what she dreamed of doing, this was what motivated her to want to work at the Daily Planet, a newspaper recognized all over the world, which had already done important articles, the newspaper where the greatest journalists of recent times work, winners of the main prizes.

Cat knows that no one starts at the top, there is a way to go to get there, but she hasn’t had the opportunity to grow, she's being stopped all the time by Perry and his favoritism for Lois.

And there is still Katherine, her main reason for returning to Midvale, the aneurysm can explode at any time or it can even last for years, there is no way to know, but she's in need of help, care, dizziness and malaise have been constant, she can't be alone now.

Especially now that they're trying, really trying, to live together, to be close, which Cat has always denied to herself, but always wanted.

And then there is Kara, sweet, smiling, beautiful, getting closer, making Cat think that maybe it's not over, that maybe the only person she's ever loved, still loves her.

That maybe it doesn't have to be that way, that they can be together, that maybe Cat really deserves happiness, respect and love.

When Cat made the decision to return, she never thought it would be so difficult to leave.

Chapter Text

Chapter 8

Her fingers are playing with the button of the red and white checkered shirt, Kara's favorite, her hand goes up and down with the other girl's breathing rhythm and there, in their secret place, Cat enjoys every second she still has in Kara's arms, enjoy the perfume, the warmth of the arms around her body.

The silence that usually bothers, is a lull to Cat now, because silence can be annoying, but it's no worse than the words she's holding back to say.

The chest inflates more strongly below her hand, Kara is taking courage, the courage that she doesn't have, "Smallville's letter of admission arrived today" Kara's voice is low, her tone calculated and Cat's heart is already tightening in the chest, "and yours?" the question comes out weak, the girl's voice fails in the end, as if Kara is afraid of the answer, "mine too… and also Metropolis…" , the chest stops rising, Kara is holding her breath, Cat feels the tension, the fear of the truth about to be told, "which one will you choose?" Kara asks after a moment of silence, after letting out the air through her mouth, take courage.

Cat is silent, she wants to enjoy a few more seconds before the end, keep every detail in her memory, take Kara with her forever.

"I'm going to Metropolis" she finally says, at once, in sudden courage, because otherwise she wouldn't be able to, "good… it's a great university..." Kara needs to clear her throat, her voice is choked and Cat takes a deep breath, tears are already coming, "and it's only about three, four hours away..." , Cat closes her eyes, so the tears get stuck, so she takes a deep breath and puts her thoughts in order, this way, who knows, it's just a nightmare and none of this is really happening.

"Cat?..." Kara's weakened voice breaks Cat's heart and suddenly breathing is almost impossible, so Cat moves away and sits on the grass, avoiding Kara's gaze, "why do I feel like you're breaking up with me?" , Cat doesn't answer, she can't answer, because saying it out loud is going to make it real and she's not as brave as she thought, "we can do this Cat... it won't be easy but we can..." .

Cat hates this, hates that it has to be so difficult, hates that her life hasn't been easier, hates Katherine, hates this city, hates it.

Hates having to hurt Kara.

"and then what?... do you graduate and go to Metropolis?" Cat finally finds some strength to speak, her voice is nothing more than a whisper, "yes... why not?" Kara says as if it's the simplest thing in the world.

Cat runs her hand over the face, wiping away the tears that are already making a way on her face "because this is not your life... you belong here... this is where you imagined your entire future" , Cat listens to Kara let out the air through her nose, outraged "you should stop telling people how they feel about things" , and now it's Cat who gets indignant "am I lying?... you could have chosen any university in the world that you would be accepted, but you chose Smallville, because that's what you want, it's who you are, who you want to be" .

Cat watches Kara get up and walk across the grass trying to calm down, it takes a while for someone to say something again.

"we can work it out" Kara says confident, Cat looks up, trying to stop the tears, she takes a deep breath and gets up to look at Kara "no, we can't" , the other girl turns her head, not accepting Cat's words, "Kara you already told me once… you want to live in a big house… with a backyard, a porch, a wooden bench at the entrance… Friday night at Noonan's… this is you" Cat barely recognizes her own voice, broken, choked, the tears are falling out without control, "things can change Cat… w-we could live in a house away from the city…" Kara is almost screaming, she's desperate, Cat can't even look at her eyes, she couldn't stand the pain.

"no Kara… I don't want anything that reminds me of this place… I want a new life" , Kara tries to get closer, but Cat backs up, she couldn't bear a touch, she would fall apart, "you can't run away from problems Cat, this is not how life works" Kara's words infuriate her, it's not about that, it's not about running away, "I'm not running away!... I'm chasing my dream, the life I want" , Kara looks down, Cat sees her shoulders drop, accepting the defeat "I love you Cat... in every future I ever imagined for me, you were the only thing that was constant... the only thing" .

The words hit Cat's heart like a knife, she suddenly closes her eyes feeling dizzy "I'm sorry to disappoint you... I am very good at it" , Cat feels Kara's hands, always so warm, now cold, touches hers, the contact makes her open her eyes, and she sees.

She sees the sad face, red from crying, the blue, always so bright and vivid, faint, anguished, desperate, and Cat can't breathe, the air becomes heavy, dense, and she moves away from Kara, pulls her hands away from the girl's touch.

She wants to get out of there, she can't stand it anymore, her legs are shaking and she can barely move, but she moves, she turns her back to Kara and goes towards the exit, it's not fast enough that she doesn't hear Kara's anguished and tearful voice yell "Cat, it doesn't have to be this way!" .

yes, it has, she says to herself, it's the only way . 

She lies to herself.

///

The last pieces of clothes are carefully placed in the suitcase, Cat pulls the zipper, puts the suitcase on the floor and sits on the bed, she looks around the room, at the place that has always been hers.

The place where she cried, where she laughed, where she played, where she dreamed, where she talked to herself and discovered she was in love, where she decided to leave without leaving anything behind.

And again she's there, in the same position and making the same decision, this time less radical, less impulsive and much more difficult to make, but still the same decision.

She's leaving for Metropolis.

Cat senses Katherine's presence at the door and turns to look at her, the woman doesn't look her in the eye, Cat would say she's sad, but she still can't decipher Katherine that well, the woman has never shown feelings, Cat has no parameters.

Katherine has a box in her hands, she runs the fingers gently over the lid, as if there is something she's very fond of, Cat is curious, "I'm sorry to bother you, but I wanted to give you this before you go" Katherine comes over and stretches out her arms, offering the box to Cat, who takes a moment but accepts the offer.

At first glance it looks old, slightly dented on the edge of the lid, some yellowish stains show how long the box must have been stored, "are memories of your father" , Cat is taken by surprise with the words, she looks at Katherine, the other woman is no longer avoiding her eyes, there is sadness in them, Cat manages to define, and maybe longing, she doesn't know for sure.

"I think it should be with you from now on" Katherine's voice is controlled, but there is emotion in it, a tear runs down Cat's face, she didn't even imagine that something like this existed, somehow she always thought Katherine had any memory of her father erased, "be well Cat... have a safe trip" are the woman's last words, before she turning around and leaving the room, without giving Cat a chance to say anything.

Cat stands there silently looking at the door for a while, her fingers caressing the lid of the box unconsciously, a part of her wants to go after Katherine and say goodbye, the other part understands that it's better this way, that Katherine isn't ready for a more loving contact, not even Cat is yet.

She looks at the box in her hands, more tears stream down her face, she runs the hand over her face, trying to wipe them away, Cat takes a deep breath, trying to calm her heart, before finally opening it.

Inside the box are photos, letters, notes and some personal objects. Cat takes a watch in her hand, its hands are stopped and the glass is broken, probably he was wearing it on the day of the accident.

More tears fall and Cat doesn't bother to wipe them away anymore, she puts the watch back in the box and takes one of the photos.

She sees a young Katherine with her serious face and a slight smile on her face, there is a smiling man hugging her, whom Cat only recognizes as her father, because of the only photo of him that she has kept in her bag.

It's so strange for her not to recognize her father, not to remember his face, she feels almost ashamed for that, how can someone not remember their own father? , she martyrs herself, but she knows it's not her fault, she was very young and then was deprived of knowing.

She's angry with Katherine for that, although now she understands the reasons, it was too painful, only now Cat can imagine the pain of the other woman, suffering alone all these years.

She takes another picture, in this one her father has his arms crossed, he's posing for the picture with a truck behind him, for the first time Cat has a full body picture of him, he seemed to be tall, had blond hair and a huge smile on his face, she could barely see his eyes, almost closed with the size of his smile.

Cat runs her index finger over his face in the photo, wishing she could be touching his real face, Cat's heart aches in her chest.

In another picture, her father is wearing an elegant suit, his hair done up in an exaggerated way and Katherine is wearing a huge white dress, looking at him with an admiration, a tenderness, a love, that Cat has never seen in her eyes before, it was their wedding day, Cat smiles imagining their happiness.

Cat then takes one of the letters, it's old, from their teenage years.

Dear Katherine,

There's not a day when I don't think of you, every day you come to visit me in my dreams, your smile is etched in my memory, I want to meet you again, hold your hand in mine, meet me at the lake next to the Johnsons' house, I have something important that I want to tell you.

With great affection, William.

Cat smiles, it's the same lake that she and Kara gave the first kiss, she wonders if they both had theirs there too, it warms her heart to know a little about their history.

Cat takes a note, this one is more recent, by her count, Katherine should already be pregnant with her.

Katherine my love,

I'm going on another trip, I didn't want to wake you up, you seemed to sleep so well and this has been so rare in the last few weeks, our little one is getting bigger, you know I would like to stay, but I need to go, I'll do the impossible to get back as fast as I can.

I can hardly wait to hold our little girl in my arms, take care of yourself and of our little one.

Love, William.

Cat's crying increases, reading her father's words about her, it's too much, knowing how much she was expected and already loved, even before she was born, fills her heart with love and sadness, sadness, because she couldn't feel that love for more time.

It takes a while for her to recover, for her heart calms down and the tears cease a little.

She picks up another photo from the box, in this one, her father was holding her, Cat was so small and wrapped in a blanket, William looked at her with such admiration, love and affection, Katherine was sitting next to him, one arm was hugging him and with the other hand she was stroking Cat's head, the woman smiled so openly, in a way that Cat never thought possible, they were both radiant and happy.

Cat starts crying again, her heart fills with love and recognition, she was loved, she may not remember, but she was, in the time she had her father, he loved her with everything he had.

At the bottom of the box is a black wallet, slightly faded from use and time. Inside were some old cards, some contact phones, a photo of a young Katherine with long hair, a flowered dress and a cotton candy in the hand, shy, smiling for the photo.

Cat thinks for a moment about the woman in the photo and the woman she has known all her life, she seems like a totally different person, William's death really destroyed her.

In the wallet there is also a photo of her as a baby, wrapped in a yellow blanket, her eyes open and curious, her chubby fingers trying to reach for something, Cat guesses it was the camera.

She smiles at the photo, thrilled, he carried a picture of her with him, wherever he went, just as she does with his. Cat wishes that she had known him better, that life hadn't taken him away from her so soon.

She keeps looking at the box, each photo, each object, each letter, she's happy to know more about him, in a way she's grateful that Katherine has kept these memories of him.

She, who thought there was nothing and there is a whole life in there, she just wished she had known before, but it's better now than ever.

///

Today the sky is clear, Cat can't even distract her mind by looking for shapes in the clouds. She's lying on the grass, in the same way she used to lie when she was younger, in the secret place behind the school.

Cat listens when uncertain steps make their way to where she is, when they stop for a few seconds, when the other woman lies down next to her, Kara has her legs on the opposite side of Cat's, then her heads stay on the same level, in the same way of years ago.

For a long time there was only silence, only the sound of the wind hitting the trees, the birds flying in the distance, the regular breathing of both filled the place.

"I'm going back to Metropolis today" Cat finally says, her eyes on the sky, Kara is silent before her calm voice asks "why?" , that's a good question , Cat thinks to herself, because even she isn't sure of why she made this decision, "I have a job there... my dream job" is strange as the answer sounded more like a question, Kara must have noticed that, "really is it?" .

Cat takes a moment to think before she answers, she could continue to lie to others and to herself or she could start telling the truth, and this is what seems most right at this point “well… it hasn't been exactly as I imagined…” , Kara is silent waiting for Cat to continue, “I live in a tiny apartment in a not very nice neighborhood, but it doesn't bother me much, since I'm almost not there… I'm always in the Daily Planet, doing my best, trying so hard… but getting nothing…” , telling the truth, accepting the truth, it hurts more than Cat imagined "I don't have friends... I just have my job" , she feels Kara's face turn to look at her, but she doesn't look away from the sky.

"so why come back?" Kara's voice is still calm, which is good for Cat, who takes a deep breath, taking courage to continue to open up “because if I don’t come back, I’ll feel like I’ve failed… I’ll feel like I’m giving up on me…” , Kara looks back at the sky again, there’s a long moment of silence, "you will be giving up on yourself if you insist on something that doesn't make you feel good, that doesn't bring you any joy..." Kara looks back at her, but Cat keeps staring up at the sky, looking up helps to keep the tears from falling, “you deserve to be happy Cat, even if you don't believe it… everyone deserves it” .

A stubborn tear escapes her eye, you deserve to be happy , people have said this to her, but it's so hard to believe.

Sometimes she believes she has been cursed, that maybe she's one of those broken people, that life just steps, hurts and never brings anything good, it has always been like that, so it's difficult to believe in another possibility, another reality.

Kara, who always seems to be able to read her thoughts, is able to relieve her dark thoughts a little “it wasn't all bad… you had me, James, Winn…” , Cat nods in acknowledgment, this is a truth, she knows that if it wasn't for them, things would have been even more difficult, "here you discovered your career... gave your first kiss, had your first time... lived your first love..." .

This time Cat looks at Kara, who still has her head turned towards her, it's the first time that they really talk about what they lived, although it's painful the use of the words in the past, Cat wonders if it hurts Kara too, "there is room for you here, Cat... there has always been... you just didn't want to see it" .

Yes, I didn't want to see it , she tells herself, I prefer to run away from facing my problems .

Tears fall thickly over her face, Kara leans her body to the side on the grass, so she can put the hand in Cat's hair and touches her forehead with hers, Cat closes her eyes, accepting the affection, "it doesn't have to be this way, Cat" .

Cat remembers those same words being yelled at her years ago, but this time it's calm, it's not desperate, it's just the exposure of a truth, it doesn’t have to be this way , Cat knows that, but it’s still hard to accept.

"I wanted to say goodbye... something I didn't do it, years ago" Cat takes a deep breath, it's being as difficult as the first time "do at least one thing right this time" , Cat feels Kara smile, it's sad and weak, but it's a smile “goodbye Cat… don't forget me, 'cause I'll never forget you” , the words breaks Cat's already broken heart, into a thousand more pieces.

She cries like she hasn't cried in a long time, "never" she can say before getting up, before getting out of Kara's contact, before reluctantly turning around and leaving, once again.

Before leaving Kara behind, once again.

This time it hurts more than the first one.

Chapter Text

Chapter 9

Cat has been back for a week and things remain the same, Lois Lane continues with her dull monologues, Perry White continues with her favoritism with her, and Cat remains sitting at her computer holding the urge to jump on the other woman's neck.

She's trying to concentrate on her new article, the subject is already not interesting and Lois' irritating voice in the background certainly doesn't help her to focus on her work, Cat is so engrossed in her irritation that takes her time to realize her phone is ringing, she looks at it and sees James' name flash on the screen, he has been calling her every day, only today, he has called three times.

Before leaving, Cat said that he should find someone else to help him with the story about Hank, it was very difficult to give up on the story, but it's the right thing to do, she made the decision to leave, James shouldn't stop his work because of her, but apparently he didn't hear her.

This time Cat decides to take the call "look James, I told you to proceed with the story with another person-", James doesn't let her finish the sentence "I know what you said and I don't agree, this story is yours and mine, Cat and you're going to have to accept that" , James' resolute tone leaves Cat without further argument, "well, now that it's clear... I have new information for you" , Cat looks around, to check if no one is listening to the call, as a precaution she decides to get up and go to the windows, where the noise of the city could drown out the conversation “ok, you can talk” .

James starts to say, his voice is excited "so… yesterday I got an interview with Lena Luthor… I told her it was a story about powerful women in small towns…" , Cat can't help but grimace when she hears James' words "this is a terrible headline" , James laughs at the comment "yes I know, I was never good at it... but back to the subject…" he clears his throat before continuing "she received me very well, she's a very polite woman, beautiful, has a mysterious way and is clearly very intelligent…" .

Cat rolls her eyes "James you didn't call me to talk about your crush on her, right?" , James stops mid-sentence, seeming to have choked on something "what?... I- I don't... crush?" , Cat rolls her eyes again, without patience "James, focus!" , he takes a minute to recover and concentrate "right… she told me what she came to do in the city and everything, apparently it has nothing to do with Hank, she doesn't seem to get along with the Luthor family and their methods… in the end I risked asking about LexCorp and its business with the army… which she didn't answer me, however, when she said goodbye to me, she left me a name, Cadmus… I think our next step is there" .

Cat takes a moment to assimilate the new information and tries to remember if she saw that name in any of the documents they have, "I looked in our documents, there’s nothing about Cadmus… but do you remember that the mission Hank participated in had a confidential name?" .

Cat remembers, it's the only deal between LexCorp and the army where the name is confidential, "I do… as I said last time, now we need information from inside LexCorp, only this way will we have access to this Cadmus" Cat doesn't know how they're going to get that, it won't be easy.

"this is what I was about to tell you that day before your phone rings..." James interrupts her thoughts "I know someone that can help... actually, we both know this person..." , Cat looks confused, she doesn't know anyone who works at Lexcorp.

At least she didn't think she did.

///

There he is, his hair neat, his clothes well ironed, his usual nerdy style, unlike James, Winn hasn't changed much, Cat would recognize him from a distance, a fact that makes her wonder again how they didn't meet before.

He sees her approaching the table and gets up to greet Cat, fumbling as usual, he ends up spilling almost all the coffee he's been drinking on the table, Cat laughs, it's nostalgic.

"Winn! Wow, how are you?… I didn't know you were here in Metropolis" , Winn shakes her hand, distracted, he's still trying to wipe the mess off the table with a tiny piece of napkin, "yeah, you disappeared, I couldn't tell you" he replies unpretentiously, but it makes Cat uncomfortable, the good thing is that he doesn't seem to notice, which makes Cat laugh again.

Winn has always been oblivious to the things around him, sometimes, when he was concentrating on something, there could be a war going on around him that he wouldn't notice, maybe that's why he did well in the IT area, something that requires a lot of concentration and focus.

"So, James talked to you, I suppose…" , Winn looks at her for the first time, finally ignoring the mess on the table, he looks distressed "yes, he did… and that's crazy!" he's already saying no with his head, terrified "I can't do this, Cat!... I can't give you access to classified documents, I could lose my job or worse!... after all, we're talking about Lex Luthor!" he ends the sentence with a restrained shout and looks around, appearing afraid that at any time an armed man will come and take his life, as in the mafia movies.

Cat can't help but laugh “Winn, first of all, there's no one here… you can relax” she finishes in a firmer tone, to get his attention and calm him down, it works, he looks back at her, “secondly… yes, you can!” , he runs his hand through the hair, getting nervous again, he opens his mouth about to deny it once more, but Cat doesn't let him speak, "you're the best Winn, James told me that and honestly I believe... you were always good at it!" , the compliment seems to please him, he's getting calmer, “so you're the only person who can do this without getting caught” Cat tries her most persuasive look.

Winn looks at her and to the sides several times, seeming to be in an internal war, until he lets out a breath and leans back in his chair, looking defeated, this look never fails , Cat smiles in triumph, “ok, I help you… but if I lose my job, you'll get me a new one… a- and a place to hide” , Cat laughs, he really thinks he's on a film from the mafia “ok, deal” .

Cat takes the opportunity to have a coffee and talk a little with him, to know how he has been, to know about his life, how he came to be in Metropolis and, every moment, a truth occupies her mind, if I hadn't run away, things would have been different .

She always wondered, even if secretly, if things would have been different, if she would be less lonely and unhappy. Something inside her knew yes, but she denied it, but since she was in Midvale she's sure that yes, she would still have her friends and things wouldn't be so hard, because they always knew how to make it better, and certainly life wouldn't be so lonely.

And she would still have Kara.

That's the truth that hurts the most.

///

Everyone is gathered for the agenda meeting, Cat isn't paying much attention to what is said, she's more interested in her phone, eager for a message from Winn, in the background she hears Perry praising Lois for her latest article, Cat is about to roll her eyes when her phone receives a message from Winn.

Any conversation is muted in her mind, she only pays attention to the files Winn sent her. There, it's all about Cadmus, the answers to what happened to Hank, all the facts for her story, Cat's heart quickens in the chest, a sense of accomplishment and anxiety overtake her.

Perry's voice talking to her, snaps her back to reality, "Cate, you get the unveiling of the new statue in the city center" Perry's words don't feel real, for a moment she thinks she's in a parallel reality, a second ago she was full and fulfilled, feeling like the journalist she always wanted to be, and the next second she's reduced to someone who covers the unveiling of a new statue.

"that's enough!" Cat says more to herself than to the rest of the room, but she's glad everyone heard, "did you say something, Cate?" Perry asks, looking confused.

Cat gets up from her chair, she was sitting farthest back in the room, and makes her way toward Perry, everyone in her path are making room for her to pass, she's determined, "yes, and you heard very well what I said" , Perry looks at her clearly not liking her tone and Cat leaves no room for him to say anything, "I said that's enough" she looks directly at him, without any fear, for the first time totally sure of herself, her desires and her space "I deserve better than that… I am better than that" .

Then she rips the name tag off her shirt and puts it on Perry's desk, "you can find someone else to cover your statue story, 'cause I'm quitting!" saying those words was easier and more satisfying than she ever imagined it would be "and my name is Cat Grant" she makes a point of emphasizing her first name, looking right at Perry's face, then she turns to the room, lingering a moment longer on Lois, "remember this name, ‘cause you'll still hear a lot about me" .

And Cat turns and makes her way to the exit of the room, leaving without looking back, with no regrets, just satisfaction and she would even say a little relief, for the first time in her life, leaving a place doesn't feel wrong, isn't difficult.

And that assures her that, at least this time, she made the right decision.

///

The enthusiasm that took over Cat the day before, still runs through her entire body, the feeling of being in control of her own life, of following her will and her heart without fear, it's wonderful, she wonders why she hasn't done this sooner, she knows it's because she wasn't ready yet, it was still too early, she hadn't lived what she needed to make the right decisions.

She's glad the time has come.

The welcome to Midvale sign welcomes her again, this time the feeling of being back is totally different, there is no fear or anguish, this time there's a kind of happiness, excitement and yearning.

She still doesn't know how things will be from now on and that's not something that scares her, because she knows that, in a way, it's going to be good things, because this time she's listening to her heart and her truth, not her fear.

The main street welcomes her back, Cat sees the town market, the Olsen bookstore, Kara's garden and general store.

When she sees the establishment of the woman, a sudden urge takes over her and without much thought, she steps on the car's brake, which stops abruptly, making a loud noise, leaving two scratches of tires on the asphalt, she's lucky that there was no car behind her, because the accident would be ugly.

As she gets out of the car she sees some people leaving their establishments and residents, who were on the sidewalk, looking at her, some confused, some even angry, but honestly she doesn't care, she's barely paying attention to anything else but her heart racing and at the entrance door to Kara's store.

She enters the establishment opening the door with exaggerated force, her anxiety leaving her without much control over her own body. Once again there's no one in sight to answer her, but the noise of the door must have been really loud, because even without pressing the bell Cat hears Kara's voice yell "just a minute!" .

Just hearing Kara's voice makes her heart speeds up even more, Cat hears it pounding in her ears, soon Kara appears with a smile on her face that dissolves into an expression of surprise, the two stand there, looking at each other for a long time, in silence.

“Cat… you're here...” it's like Kara can't believe her own eyes, “yes… I'm back” the words are barely out of Cat's mouth, her heart pounding so hard she feels like a thick mass is in her throat, Kara's expression goes from surprise to concern "is Katherine alright?" , Cat rushes to answer "yes! yeah, she's fine… I- I chose to come back" , Kara's expression goes from relief to surprise again, her eyes are glowing, the blue is intense.

Cat knows she's about to drown in them.

"I- I would like to talk to you..." her voice comes out weak, she's so nervous "you have every right not to want to hear me" , Cat looks away, suddenly feeling insecure "but I'll be very happy if you choose to show up" .

Cat looks back at Kara, the other woman says nothing, her eyes are glassy, surprised and indecisive, Cat takes a deep breath, trying to calm her heart "I'll be waiting for you at nightfall, behind the school" she says last and looks one last time at Kara, the woman remains motionless, looking at her with her bright eyes, Cat takes a deep breath, turns and walks slowly towards the door, wishing Kara would say something, but she doesn't.

When she gets back to the car, Cat takes a moment to breathe, she was so nervous that her hands are shaking, it takes a moment for her heart to return to normal and her body to respond normally, she looks at Kara's store through the cars' window.

She hopes, with all her strength, that Kara decides to show up.

She starts the car and heads towards Katherine's house, soon the car is stopped at the entrance to the house and Cat is getting out of the car, going to the door to ring the doorbell.

Because she didn't tell Katherine that she was coming back, it was all so fast that she didn't have time to think and plan everything, but before she reaches the door, Katherine appears, her face plastered with surprise, also seeming not to believe what her eyes are seeing "Cat?" her voice comes out weak, unsure, Cat looks at her a little nervous "hi Katherine… I hope you'll accept me for a while longer" .

Cat looks at the other woman expectantly and Katherine is silent for a while, as if deciding whether this is real or not, and then she flashes a smile, a real one, the one that Cat only knew when she saw the old pictures of Katherine, that smile she had never seen in person, Cat finds herself smiling back, a certain surprise and happiness fill her heart, "of course I do, welcome Cat" .

This is new, the smile, the welcome, the feeling of making the right choices, of being in the right place.

Cat never imagined feeling like that, especially there, in that city, in that house.

There's still a long way to go, not everything is going to be beautiful and wonderful overnight, Cat knows that, but these new sensations and feelings make her feel good.

She's changing, Katherine is changing, everything is changing and it doesn't scare her, for the first time she's really feeling good, without having to lie and give excuses, she's really fine.

For the first time, she's really feeling like herself.

Chapter Text

Chapter 10

The only certainty that Cat had when she decided to return to Midvale, is that she needed to talk to Hank, she found out what happened and he also has to know.

She and James are standing anxiously in Hank's front door, Maggan is the one who shows up to answer them a few minutes later, smiling as always, "oh, it's you two, come on in" she opens the door and the two enter, Cat looks around the room looking for Hank "is Professor Henshaw here?... we need to talk to him" , Maggan looks at them, curious "he's upstairs preparing his classes... I'll call him, you can be comfortable" , she goes up the stairs looking for him, Cat and James sit in the two available armchairs in the room, they look at each other anxiously.

Hank soon appears with Maggan by his side, the two also seem anxious, "did you find anything else?" Hank asks while walking down the stairs, Cat looks at him with a slight smile on her face “yes, we found out” .

The couple sits on the sofa facing the armchairs, Maggan holds Hank's hand and looks at him with some distress, he gives a slight smile and tighten her hand trying to calm her down, Cat is happy to finally bring the true for them, she takes a deep breath to calm herself before starting "actually, we figured it all out everything" , the couple looks at her, there is a mixture of fear and anxiety in their eyes, "it won't be a very pretty thing… but I think you've already imagine that" James adds, Maggan becomes even more distressed, Hank stares at the two "whatever it is, you can tell everything" .

Cat looks at James, he nods for her to start, she clears her throat and takes the folder she brought with all the files and evidence they obtained "the truth Professor Henshaw is that you and nineteen other soldiers were sent on that mission to die" , Maggan shaken, takes her free hand to the heart, Hank squeezes their hands tighter together, "you were assigned to be part of a test… an effectiveness test for a new technology developed by LexCorp" .

Cat hands Hank some of the documents she has in hand, "you were the guinea pigs to test the lethality of these new weapons" James is the one who says this time "this new technology was named Cadmus" , the two give Hank some time to look at the papers in his hands, Maggan looks at them confused and shocked "but why use real people… aren't there other ways to do this?" .

Cat takes a deep breath, as James said, it's indeed not a pretty story, "there is, but not when it comes to LexCorp" she takes some more documents from the folder "the Cadmus project is the most expensive contract made between the company and the army in all these years" , Cat hands the papers to the couple, Hank pays close attention to every word that is spoken and every document passed to him.

"which means that they needed to prove its effectiveness in a way where no doubt remains" James continues for her, Cat can see the vein popping out in his temple, he's biting the jaw trying to keep his anger in check, "so they sent in new soldiers with no field experience... that way the casualties wouldn't draw as much attention" .

Maggan looks at the two upset "but they were people, they were sons, husbands... they had family, friends..." , Cat understands the other woman, she felt the same indignation when she understood everything, she looks away so she can continue "but that's still not the worst... ‘cause there never really was a new technology" .

Hank looks away from the paper he was reading and looks directly at her, Cat takes a deep breath before continuing "it was all a lie… they were all killed by a lie" , there is a minute of silence in the room, Maggan is wide-eyed, her mouth opens and closes trying to find words, until in a weak voice she manages to ask "why?" , Hank lowers his head, taking a moment to accept the truth, "for the money" he says, his voice cold, distant.

Cat looks at James, who looks back at her, she sees a mixture of sadness and indignation in his eyes, a reflection of her own emotions, "that's right... they sold a new type of weapon that never actually existed, took the money, and made sure there was no one left who could tell the truth" , by his tone of voice, Cat can sense James' barely contained anger, Cat takes the floor so he can calm down "but Hank survived… that's why you were sent to a hospital outside the army, the test couldn't fail, LexCorp had to have the one hundred percent effectiveness for a contract as big as this" .

Cat hands Hank more documents, "the company covered all your medical expenses and made sure you wouldn't remember anything, including your family..." Cat gives Hank a moment to read the papers, "and when you recovered, they made sure to send you away from your town, away from your family and keep you as a dead man" , Hank says nothing for a few minutes, his gaze distant, Maggan beside him weeps silently with the head leaning on his shoulder.

"why did they have all this hospital expense, all this work, why didn't they finish the job and just kill me?" Hank looks at Cat looking for the answer, "apparently your commander asked them not to… maybe he liked you somehow" , Hank looks at the papers again, perhaps searching for the commander's name, "but this doesn't make him any less guilty… everyone involved in this scheme got a cut of the money, they all knew exactly what was going on" James says, direct and even a little rude, he really needs to calm down , Cat thinks to herself.

She looks at the couple in front of her, they need to finish this conversation "we got all the evidence we needed... now you know what really happened twenty years ago, you can prove it and fight for your rights" , Maggan looks at her, her eyes overflowing with gratitude, Cat smiles back accepting the silent thank you.

"we would like to publish your story… this isn't the first and not the last fraudulent contract LexCorp has with the army or any other company" , Hank looks at her attentively, "we could put an end to this, stop it from happening again… put all these people back where they belong" , Hank looks at her in silence for a few more minutes, "you can publish, I want all these people to pay for their crimes" he finally says with his firm and decisive voice, Cat looks at James, he looks at her with admiration and satisfaction, Cat's chest fills with the feeling of mission accomplished.

They spend some more time clearing up any doubts Hank might still have, the couple are very grateful for their work, "I knew you would be good Miss Grant, you always had this fearless passion in you… too bad it wasn't directed towards sports" Hank says amused to Cat before she and James leave the house, Cat laughs back at him, she's happy and grateful for be the one responsible for bringing the truth to him.

"I knew you were the right person for this story" James says to Cat in the car, the two are still standing in front of Hank's house, assimilating the latest events, Cat looks at him "you helped a lot, you know" , James nods in agreement "but you did all the hard work" he says smiling at her "you're a great reporter Cat Grant, you're still going to conquer the world" .

Cat can't help her eyes from filling up with tears, she knows this, she knows she's good at what she does, that she was born for this, but it's funny how hearing this coming out of someone else's mouth, even more from someone as important in her life as James, makes this fact more real, "thank you" she manages to say thrilled, before looking forward and asking him to go straight to the Tribune, so they can finally write the story.

After all, later, she has a place to be, her heart races and her stomach agitates with anxiety.

///

She's late, of course Cat didn't say the exact time, but it still means Kara is late, because it's already around eight pm, the sky is definitely dark already and Kara has definitely closed the store, so there is no reason for her not to be there, other than that she didn't want to be, didn't want to meet her, didn't want to hear what she has to say.

And this hurts.

Cat knows Kara has every reason for this, Cat has been gone twice, Cat has left Kara behind twice, but she can't help the pain and self-hatred, for having done the same wrong choice twice in her life.

Cat takes one last look at the sky, closes her eyes and takes a deep breath, accepting that she has lost.

She has lost Kara forever.

Cat barely pays attention to her path as she turns to leave, so she bumps into something, which at first she thought was a tree, but when steady hands grip her arms to help her rebalance, she realizes it doesn't, it wasn't a tree.

It was Kara.

Kara with a smile on her lips and her glasses crooked on the face from the bump, "hey… are you leaving?" Kara says, letting go of Cat's arms and adjusting her glasses on the face.

Cat can't say anything, just stares at Kara in surprise, this time she's the one who can't believe what her eyes are seeing, Kara seems to understand the silence as a request for an explanation, "I had this last customer, he didn't want to leave at all, wanting to know about everything, in the end he didn't even buy anything… I almost killed him" Kara's last line makes Cat wake up from her trance and laugh, partly for the face of real hate that Kara is doing and in part for relief.

Relief because Kara is there, Kara has come to hear her, she hasn't lost Kara forever, at least that's what she hopes it means.

The uncertainty makes Cat's anxiety return, her heart sinks back into her chest like a heavy ice stone, her legs become weak and she tries to breathe through her mouth to calm down, Kara approaches, "are you okay?" her voice showing concern, Cat takes a few more minutes to breathe "yes, yes I am… it's just… you're here… you came…" , Kara smiles at her, open and true, automatically relaxes Cat, "of course I am… you called me, I came" she says, like it's the obvious thing in the world, Cat finds herself smiling back at the woman, "so, what is it?" Kara asks, and it's funny how she's smiling and looking happy and peaceful while Cat is this nervous mess, Cat almost wants to hit her for that, she hates feeling like this.

Cat moves away from Kara a bit to get her thoughts in order, she knows what she wants to say, but she doesn't know how to say it, I should have rehearsed something , she thinks to herself, as she walks back and forth across the lawn.

"like I told you before, I'm back..." she starts still unsure and looking at Kara realizes that the other woman is still smiling and calm, this is making her even more nervous, she decides to continue walk across the lawn without looking more at Kara.

"... and well, there's still a lot for me to do… I still have a lot of problems to solve, like you... I mean with... to solve it with you..." Cat stops talking and mentally curses herself, she's so nervous that is using the wrong words and can't put her thoughts in order, "are you calling me a problem now?" Kara's question worsens Cat's spiral of thoughts, great! I screwed it up, she's mad now, I'm so stupid! , Cat thinks despairing, she doesn't even have the guts to look at Kara, "I liked it better when you called me babe" .

Cat is so lost in her own mind that she barely heard what Kara said, actually she doesn't even believe what Kara said, she decides to look at the other woman, Kara is there in the same place with a huge smile on her face, happy and playful, looking at Cat.

"Kara!" Cat says, surprised and shocked by the other woman's boldness, Kara laughs at her and approaches, soon Cat feels Kara's warm hands touch her cold ones from the nervousness, Kara searches Cat's eyes and she only says something when Cat looks back at her.

And when Cat looks at those two bright blue dots, her heart calms and warms, she feels like she can finally breathe, "you don't need to do a speech for me Cat, I know everything, I was there with you" Kara says with a sweet, loving voice and Cat's heart clenches in her chest because it's true, Kara was there with her and Cat's retribution for that was hurting her, Cat can't understand why Kara still talks to her, even more so, with such a sweet and loving way, she doesn't deserve any of this, "and I hurt you" she manages to say, her eyes full of tears, she can't stand herself for having done this to Kara, she can't even look the other woman in the eye anymore.

"yes, you did… but I'm already over it” Kara's tone is still gentle, what at the same time warms and tightens Cat's heart, "I don't feel pain or sad anymore when I think of you… actually when I saw you that first day in the store, I felt love… only love" .

Kara's words make Cat look back at her, without warning Cat's heart is already racing in her chest and a hand is reaching up to touch Kara's face, the woman tilts her head for the touch, Cat looks deep into those blue eyes, bright and intense, this time she lets herself drown in them, like she used to do, feel the love and warmth she finds every time she lets herself drown, it's the only place Cat feels truly at home.

"I think I always knew you'd come back… that we could try again… be happy" , Cat feels a hot tear rolls down her face, Kara's hand comes up to clean it and remains in the place, gently touching her face, "I love you Cat… so if you were trying to say that you're back to stay, that you want to start over and that you still love me… I say I'm here with you" .

Cat barely believes Kara's words, she never imagined this could happen, she wished it would, but she didn't believe it would actually happen, that Kara would still love her, that she still wanted her by her side to live a life together, to try to be happy.

Everything she wants most in the world.

"that's exactly what I was trying to say" Cat finally says, her voice a whisper, "then why didn't you say so?" Kara says smiling, amused, Cat smiles back at her "you know I like to talk" , Kara laughs in agreement, tilting her head and leaning closer, Cat's eyes drop from the other woman's eyes to her lips, those rosy, warm, soft lips she misses so much.

"I love you Kara" she manages to say, she thought it important that Kara heard it out loud and coming out of her mouth, Cat feels it on her own lips when Kara's lips opens into a smile, "I love you too Cat” she hears being whispered back and then there's nothing left to say, just feel.

Feel the hand that hugs her waist and pulls her closer, feel the warmth of their bodies together, close, glued, feel the lips open and the tongues touch, feel the shiver run through her entire body with the contact.

To feel the love, the warmth, the happiness.

To feel good, like never before.

Chapter Text

Chapter 11

The red pickup so familiar to Cat is rounding the corner and her heart is already pounding in the chest and her stomach agitates in anticipation, Cat smiles to herself, acknowledging that this will never change, that even eighty years from now, seeing Kara will fill her heart and stir her entire body in anticipation, and how good it's to know that.

How good it's to love and be loved.

The other woman is getting out of the car with some difficulty, she has something in her hands and awkwardly tries to get out of the vehicle without dropping it, when she finally manages to close the door and walk towards her, Cat can finally see what Kara has in the hands, it's a beautiful and huge flower arrangement.

Cat doesn't know enough to tell which type it's, but its beauty and scent move Cat, "it's beautiful Kara!" she says, her eyes shining, her arms reaching towards it "thank you!" , Kara looks at her, seeming confused and deflects the arrangement out of her grasp, "it's for your mother..." Kara says slightly embarrassed "you know... for her birthday" .

All the emotion Cat was feeling dissolves into indignation, her left eyebrow arches and Kara swallows hard and adjusts the glasses on her face, suddenly nervous, "what?" Kara says fearfully, "have you noticed that you own a flower shop but never gave me flowers?" Cat's tone and look make it clear she isn't kidding and Kara gets terrified.

"that's not true…" her sentence trails off at the end, even she isn't believing her own words and Cat doesn't lighten her posture, "it-it's that I consider myself the flower of your days…" Kara tries, the sentence almost a question, Cat has to hold herself back from laughing and keep her face passive, "that didn't work" she says, but her more relaxed tone of voice gives her away and Kara lets out a relieved smile and approaches her "how about a kiss?" , Cat rolls her eyes trying to pass off indifference, but her body betrays her, her whole body melts when Kara slips an arm around her waist and pulls her into a kiss.

Pulls her to those warm, soft lips, soon her arms are reaching up and wrapping around Kara's neck, one hand tangles in the hair at the back of the other woman's neck and pulls her closer for more contact, but Kara gently moves away, leaving little kisses on her lips before moving away for good "I'm already late… I don't want your mother to hate me" .

Cat is forced to agree with her, reluctantly she moves away from Kara's body, takes the hand that was on her waist and intertwines it with hers, guiding the other woman to the house, "is everyone there yet?" , Cat notices the insecurity in Kara's tone, she still gets nervous , Cat notes, they stop in front of the door still not entering, "yes... but don't worry, Lucy and James are early, you're not that late" .

Kara looks toward the door, Cat sees the little wrinkle that forms on Kara's forehead, the one that appears every time the woman gets worried about something, that one Cat finds it adorable, "I just didn't want to lose points with her… we're getting along fine now" , Cat hears Kara saying with a low voice, frustrated with herself, Cat holds the urge to hug and protect her from the world.

"you won't lose points, you know she's not like that anymore" Cat tightens her touch on Kara's hand, trying to reassure the woman, but the wrinkle remains on her forehead "yes, but she still makes that face… that judgmental face, you know? I used to have nightmares with it" , Cat can't help but laugh at Kara's comment, she knows exactly which face it's, the image comes very clearly in her mind, the cold eyes behind the glasses, the left eyebrow arched, the lips pressed together in a thin expressionless rosy line, Cat has had nightmares about it too.

"I'm starting to believe she can't change that anymore… she had that face for so long, it froze like that" Cat says amused and Kara finally laughs, relaxing "I'm glad you didn't inherit that" , Cat laughs agreeing with Kara, she leans over to place a soft kiss on the other woman's cheek, Kara smiles and the two finally make their way to the door.

"Katherine, Kara is here" Cat announces as soon as they walk through the door, soon the older woman appears at the end of the hallway, Kara approaches with a nervous smile on the face and hands the beautiful arrangement to her, Katherine can't really show much emotion, her face is still rigid, but Cat has learned to notice the little signs of emotion, like the slight tug the corner of her lips gives when she's trying to smile, the slight glow that returns some of the faded color from her brown eyes, when she sees something beautiful or that she likes.

"it's beautiful Kara, thank you" Katherine says in her usual sober tone, but she looks Kara in the eyes as she says the words, trying to convey their truthfulness, the emotion she still can't easily convey, "it was nothing" Kara says, now slightly shy, Cat is happy with the interaction between the two, sometimes it's even hard to believe it's real.

"at last!" James' deep voice catches their attention "I thought we were going to starve" James says amused, Cat feels Kara move beside her, embarrassed for being late, she looks at James before Kara apologizes, "don't you have any food in your house?" Cat retorts, passing him and heading towards the kitchen, "this boy has always had his mouth open" , Cat hears Katherine say quietly, as if talking to herself, as she passes behind them to take her seat at the table, Cat looks at Kara, who is looking back at her and they both laugh as James sits at the table next to Lucy, with a slight embarrassed blush on his face.

The dinner is calm, light and fun, Katherine seems to be enjoying having people in her house, the woman even started a conversation with Lucy, asked how it's been working with Lena Luthor and even about what the woman is actually doing in town, to which Lucy responded quite excitedly, apparently Lena has big plans, wanting to create something that will impact growth and bring improvements to the city. Lucy looks happy, leaving the army has done her good , Cat realizes.

To everyone's surprise, Katherine even laughed when Kara made a joke about Cat's cooking skills, who got outraged with her girlfriend, "that's not true, I helped with dinner! I made the mashed potatoes" Cat says, and Kara looks at the bowl with the mashed potatoes on the table "that's why no one ate it" .

Cat looks at the bowl, it's the only one practically untouched on the table, and then at the plates of the guests, only now realizing that no one had eaten the mashed potatoes, it lay untouched on their plates, "I really don't know how you got this wrong, it's literally just mashing the potatoes" Kara says laughing at Cat's face, who slaps the other woman’s shoulder, which makes Kara laughs even harder.

Soon everyone is laughing and when Cat looks at Katherine, she's taken aback, even the woman is laughing at her, in another situation Cat would be irritated, but the sight of Katherine laughing, a real laugh that even flushed her cheeks, warmed Cat's heart and she found herself smiling, happy to be there, happy to be with the people she loves.

Soon everyone finishes dinner and when Cat returns after cleaning the dishes, she finds Kara looking at the framing newspaper that now graces one of the walls of the entrance hall, Cat still hasn't gotten used to it.

She was quite surprised when one day returning from the Tribune, she passed the new frame, finding the new objective on the wall strange, and to her surprise, it was the story James and she did exposing the whole scheme that involved LexCorp and the army, the story was on the front page and carried the Tribune's name across the country, a feat the newspaper had never achieved.

"I still can't believe this is there" Cat says approaching Kara, who smiles and opens her arms for Cat to snuggle in a hug, Cat accepts the offer, she would never refuse it, being in Kara's arms is her favorite place, "it doesn't really surprise me" Kara says, looking back at the frame in front of them, "I think she always felt things, she just didn't know how to show it, now she's trying... I bet she has a box full with memories of you" .

Kara's words caught her attention, she never thought about it "you think?" , Kara kisses her temple and tightens her arms around Cat, "I think, just like she saved your father's" , Cat makes a mental note to ask Katherine about it at some point.

"just you to take the Tribune across the country" Kara says, breaking Cat's thoughts, she smiles, pleased with herself, "and that was just the beginning… I'm still going to conquer the world" she says, without an ounce of doubt that it will be true, now, more than ever, she knows of her ability and her power, "I have no doubts about that" Kara says, Cat can feel the woman smiling, Kara tightens Cat closer in her embrace, leaves a kiss on her cheek, on her neck, where she lays the head, Cat closes her eyes, feeling the warmth, the love, the lightness, there is no better place in the world than being in Kara's arms.

"there you are" James' deep voice breaks all the charm of the moment, Cat curses him mentally for that, "I think it would be good to give the presents, it's getting late… and we still have the cake to cut" , Cat looks at him in disbelief, for a minute she thought he was worried about Katherine, who can't get too carried away, but actually he's worried about the food, "I'm starting to think you really don't have food at home" she says, reluctantly moving out of Kara's embrace, entwining their hands together and heading towards the room where Katherine and Lucy are, Kara laughs at her friend, James can't even defend himself.

The handing over of the presents is special, Katherine looks enormously happy, everybody got the present right, except Winn's, who couldn't come, still busy settling down in National City, Cat was true to her word and helped him find a new job, after all, after the article LexCorp ceased to exist.

He gave a Tablet to Katherine, who looked at the device without understanding what it was, she offered it to Cat, but she already has one, so Katherine considered throwing it away, "you could donate it to the school, I bet the kids will love it" Kara suggested and Katherine thought a good idea.

Lucy and James gave a huge book about gardening, full of tips on how to care for gardens, what to plant, what each plant or flower means and how it could be used for medicinal purposes, Katherine loved it, Cat even saw her eyes shine in gratitude to them both.

Kara had already handed her gift, the beautiful arrangement, which they now know it's of Oriental Lilies, Katherine took the book and researched the flower, known for its beauty and sweet perfume, which among other things represents renewal and rebirth, much of what Katherine is going through now, Cat looked at Kara, touched by her affection for Katherine, who thanked her once again for the gift, this time Katherine's smile was more visible, more open and Kara smiled back at the woman and then turned her eyes to Cat, in them, Cat could see emotion and happiness shimmer, and Cat's heart swelled and overflowed with love.

"well… this one is mine…" unsure, Cat hands the wrapped object to Katherine, the woman gently opens the package, then a large rectangular object is revealed, Katherine doesn't move for long seconds looking at the frame in her hands, "this photo is very important to me and I know it's for you too... I thought it deserved a special place here, in our house" .

Katherine continued to stare at the photo without saying anything, Cat sees the woman's fingers gently run over the frame, "it's beautiful Cat" Katherine starts to say, her voice cracks and Cat can see her eyes filled with tears, "thank you" she says emotionally, Cat swallows, trying to hold back her own emotion.

The photo in the frame is that one of her as a baby, wrapped in a blanket, being held by her father, with Katherine hugging him and stroking her head, smiling that happy, emotional smile that Cat has never seen before, but which now has even been present in their daily lives.

James at some point reminds everyone that they still had the cake to cut, Cat rolls her eyes at him, but smiles, appreciatively for the change of subject, things were getting too emotional. Before they go to the kitchen get the cake and the plates, Kara takes Cat's hand, pulls her into a hug and leaves a warm kiss on her forehead, "I love you" she says smiling, Cat smiles back, happy and thrilled, "I love you too" Cat says, her heart full, overflowing.

The cake was delicious, James' mother had made it as a gift for Katherine, a friendship that Cat never thought would happen, but since that day at Noonan's Cat knows it exists and it still surprises her, although she's happy for Katherine, the woman has always been alone, closed to the world.

Cat now knows that it took a lot of courage from the woman to break this wall she built and that closed her off from the rest of the world, she has been looking at Katherine with admiration in relation to this, it's not easy to change, Cat herself knows it very well, and Katherine has succeeded, every day the woman is building a new person, a new life, she becomes an example for Cat, and Cat hardly believes it when she thinks about it, having Katherine as an example, feeling admiration for the woman is not something she ever imagined feeling in relation to her. 

Life really surprises.

"thank you" Cat hears Katherine say to her, after she tucked her into bed, it's late and the woman needs to rest, Cat with a shy smile nods to Katherine's thanks, "for everything… for the special day… for the present" Katherine completes, Cat doesn't know what to say, she decides to smile again, the interaction between the two is still not natural, both are still awkward with each other.

"I love that photo… I lost count of how many nights I spent looking at it, remembering your father, you, that day…" , Cat, who was already on her way to the door to leave the room, stops and looks at Katherine, her eyes shining with curiosity and surprise, Katherine smiles at her before continuing "it was the day we came home after your birth" , Cat sees Katherine look away, take a deep breath and swallow the emotion, Cat sits on the edge of the bed, listening to the woman's words, "your father and I were so happy… and scared..." Katherine gives a nostalgic smile "we were now responsible for you, and you were so small, so fragile… your father was even afraid to hold you in his arms, he was so tall and strong, he said he was afraid of ending up crushing you or something" .

Cat feels a tear runs down her face, it's so good to know more about her father, Katherine has been giving her these gifts lately, "he loved you so much, since the day he found out about the pregnancy, he already loved you" , the tears now falls without much control from Cat's eyes, Katherine pauses for a long time before continuing "I wish, with everything I have, you could have felt this love" , Cat sees a tear falls from Katherine's eyes, "I know I failed not to show you… but I'm not dead yet so I'll try to repair it as much as I can… and Cat, my daughter, I hope you accept" .

Katherine is looking deep into Cat's eyes, who takes a deep breath and tries to calm her heart, it takes a while for Cat to say something, "I do, mom, I do" she finally manages to say, and at this point both women are crying a lot, emotional, Cat approaches and Katherine opens her arms, accepting the hug.

Cat doesn't remember when was the last time she hugged Katherine or even when she called her mother, at some point around her ten years she understood that she had no obligation to call her that, especially since the woman didn't act like one, so she decided to just call her by the name, it's been that way until today, until this moment.

The hug is warm in a way that surprises Cat, the two of them hold there for long minutes, tears streaming from their eyes, an affection emanates from the hug, unspoken feelings being expressed in the warmth of the embrace.

After a while, the two move from the hug and look at each other, seeming happy and thrilled, Cat lays her mother in bed, wishes her a good night and says goodbye.

Leaving the room, Cat leans against the closed door, taking a moment to absorb everything that has happened inside that room, today as a whole and even in this last few months since she returned to Midvale.

She thinks about how funny it's, that everything she wanted as a young girl and thought it was only possible to have away from Midvale, she's only having now, and there, in the place she's hated for so long.

She smiles to herself and decides to go meet Kara, James and Lucy had already said goodbye.

Cat finds Kara sitting on the wooden bench on the porch, calm, looking at the view, Cat smiles with the sight.

The sight of the woman she loves.

Kara looks as Cat approaches and sits beside her, Kara hugs her with one arm and brings Cat to lie on her chest, Cat lets herself sink into that warm, comfortable embrace, smells the sweet scent and feels the steady rhythm of Kara's heartbeats.

"how is Katherine?" Kara asks at some point, "she's alright, just a little tired" Cat feels Kara shake her head, nodding in response, "she was thankful for today… I've never seen her like this, she was so happy" Cat adds, getting emotional again about it, "she really was" Kara replies and looks at Cat, who looks back, to see the smile and the emotional glint in Kara's eyes, Cat's heart fills with love.

Kara knows how important the day was to her too and the woman's eyes only evidence the happiness and love she's feeling for Cat right now, and that warms and overflows Cat's heart.

Kara leaves a kiss on her forehead and Cat snuggles even closer in the woman's embrace, the two are silent for a good few minutes, enjoying each other's presence, warmth and love.

"do you imagine?..." Cat breaks the silence at some point "our house, how will it be?" , Kara takes a moment to answer, still seeming engrossed in the silence, "I do..." she says, almost dreamily "I imagine it red and and-" , Cat doesn't let her finish the sentence "red?" , Kara turns to her, looking confused by Cat's incredulous tone, "yeah… why?" she says, almost afraid of Cat's response.

"don't you think it's a little too flashy?" , Kara shakes her head in negative "you know it's my favorite color" , Cat moves from Kara's chest so she can get a good look at the other woman " yes... but for a house color it would be a little too much" , Kara then looks ahead, seeming to think about it "ok... maybe blue then?" , Cat listens again in disbelief at Kara's hypothesis, who looks at her with a puppy eyes, "come on, blue isn't that flashy… it could be a lighter blue" she argues and Cat can't help but smile, she doesn't is able to resist Kara, especially when she's making that face.

"I hate you" she says, accepting that she lost to Kara in this one, "no, you love me" the woman says smiling, aware of her power over Cat, who rolls her eyes, feigning indignation "I have learned that one feeling doesn't necessarily cancel out the other, so I can hate you and still love you" , Kara raises her eyebrows, impressed with Cat's argument, "therapy is really working, huh?" she adds playfully, "it's about time" Cat teases, she knows that therapy is a process, but it hasn't been easy, it's always been difficult for her to open up but she knows it's necessary and she also knows it's working, "you're doing great" Kara says to her, Cat thanks her with a smile.

"what else?" Cat is now even more curious to know Kara's ideas, "a dog, lik-" once again Cat finds herself interrupting the woman "a dog?.... you know I'm allergic" , Kara looks at her, smiling as if she knows something she doesn't, " you are allergic to cats which doesn't mean you are to dogs too, I looked it up" she says knowingly, Cat laughs, " I was thinking of a big one, like a Labrador, you know?" Cat nods, letting herself get carried away by Kara's ideas, "and it's going to sleep in bed with us" , Cat exhales through her nose, disbelieving of  Kara's words "no, it won't" .

Kara turns to her, once again with her puppy eyes, but this time Cat doesn't budge, "come on Cat, imagine him big, warm, waking you up happy and with love, him welcoming you at the door all cheerful…" Kara tries to convince her, Cat raises her left eyebrow at the woman "I'll already have you for this" , Kara looks taken aback by the answer, as if she hasn't thought of herself that way, at some point she nods, Cat sees her shoulders slump, accepting her arguments.

"I'll want a garden" Cat says, her eyes turning to the garden in front of them, Katherine's passion for gardening has awakened something in her too, it's something so beautiful, it calms and distracts her, Kara smiles, agreeing with Cat, "and I'll fill it with the flowers you'll give me every day from now on" Cat jokes, Kara gets slightly shy with the poke, Cat kisses her cheek and lays her head on the woman's shoulder.

"I'll definitely want to fill it with sunflowers" , Cat can see the smile Kara opens, also remembering the moment of the two in the sunflower field, "I'll make a sunflower field for you, put your name on it… people from the whole world will come to see it, see my love for you" Kara says in her soft, loving voice, she turns to look Cat in the eye.

Cat sees those blues glowing, overflowing with love, she didn't even find the statement cheesy as she would to, being in love changes people, Cat more than anyone can say that, she smiles at Kara "I'm going to love this", Kara smiles back at her and leans over to place a kiss on her lips, it's warm and Cat can feel all of Kara's love pouring out, spreading along with the shiver that always runs through her body when their lips meet.

When they move away from the kiss, Kara settles back on the bench, brings Cat back into her embrace, Cat settles back against her chest, snuggling into the warmth and feeling the rhythm of Kara's heartbeats.

She never wants to leave there again.

She will never leave there again.

This is the life she always wanted.