Chapter 1: Prologue
Chapter Text
The Shadow in the Dark - Prologue
Death was inevitable for everyone. People died every single day. And each day, those who survived, were only one day closer to their demise. However, none of that prepared Lorna Morello for the tragic news of her mother's death. In only a matter of months, Stansie Morello went from one of the healthiest - marathon running - person Lorna knew to a frail woman dying of stage four liver cancer. Nothing hurt more than to see how fast her mother deteriorated. How she went from an upbeat, healthy, active mother to a pale and frail—barely able to get out of bed—woman. It tore so deeply at young Lorna's heart to watch it all unfold. Especially all the while only being in her ninth grade of high school. Her mother would never get to see her graduate like she had for Mikey and Franny. Never help her apply for colleges. This wasn't anything how she imagined her life to go. She never imagined she'd lose her mother at the ripe age of fourteen.
"Mom has cancer, Lorn." It was Francine Morello, Lorna's seventeen-year-old sister, who first broke the news to her just a few months after her twelfth birthday.
The curly brunette scrunched her nose up in disbelief. She set aside her schoolwork and glanced up from the kitchen table to see the older girl standing in the doorway with a somber expression. "No," she muttered, placing her pencil back in the backpack. "Mom just got the flu, she said so herself Franny."
If only that was all it was, the older sister thought to herself. She swallowed thickly, her head shaking as her blue eyes pierced heavily across the room at Lorna. "Lorna, we just heard from dad and he said the doctor did some tests…mom has stage four liver cancer. And it's bad, real bad." Saying it hurt even more than hearing it, she distastefully thought. However, what hurt worse was knowing her younger sister would lose out on so much with their mother's grim diagnoses.
Lorna gulped uncomfortably as she slowly walked into the sterile and freezing hospital room. Hospitals always gave her chills. She sucked in a deep breath and made her way cautiously over to her mother's bedside. The woman who lay in that bed, she realized, was not the same woman who she would see scrambling around the kitchen every evening she arrived home from school. Who lain in that bed was an extremely ill and weak woman, one that Lorna hardly recognized.
"Lorna? Is that you?"
That voice didn't sound like the Stansie Morello that Lorna remembered yelling her name each morning to wake up. No, it sounded strained and barely louder than a whisper. Nothing even remotely similar to her boisterous Italian mother. She sighed and sat down on the edge of the bed, turning her heard gradually to stare up at her mom. What her eyes landed on was hard for her mind to process and comprehend.
"How grown ya look, my beautiful Lorna," Stansie quivered out, reaching her shaky hands out to frame around her youngest daughter's face. She used her thumb to softly caress against Lorna's forehead.
Those hands, albeit shaky, still had that comforting sensation that Lorna yearned for from her mother. She sucked in a deep breath as she caught a clear sight of the older woman's face. Bubbly brown eyes were now filled with exhaustion and pain, dark bags sat beneath them which gave a sunken appearance. It hurt to see how sickly her mother had become.
Lorna tried to put on a smile, which proved to be difficult. She couldn't smile seeing how sickly her mother appeared lying in that hospital bed. How weak and broken her voice sounded. All she wanted to do was to weep but instead, she finally forced a miserable smile on her face. Her mom had enough to deal with, she knew, so she had to be strong for her. She had to; she just had to.
"Hi, mom," she finally spoke, a solemn yet high-pitched tone. Her fingers gently combed through the thin dark curls that sat on her mother's frail head. "When-when are you coming home?"
Chapter 2
Notes:
Author's Note: I have a little over 4,000 words written, however, I'm only uploading a little bit at a time so that I can continue to keep writing this story. It's just something new I am trying. Also this entire story has dark and mature themes; I'm not putting warnings before each chapter so if you can't handle that, this story isn't for you. Thanks for reading and enjoy.
Chapter Text
Chapter One
Stansie felt the start of tears in her eyes but kept them at bay as she held her daughter's face right in front of her own. That innocent question broke her heart. She knew, deep down, that the chances of her returning home were slim. "Oh, my little Lorna. What grade are ya in now, huh?" Avoiding the other's inquiry was the only way to keep her emotions in check.
"I'm in eighth grade, mama. But when will you come home? I miss you."
"Eighth grade? Ya really are a young lady, aren't ya?" The middle-aged brunette woman gave a sad smile while combing her hand soothingly through her daughter's identical brown curls. What felt worse than dying from cancer was knowing the three children she'd be living behind. Especially her youngest who just barely entered her teenage years.
Swallowing uncomfortably, Lorna nodded and held intense eye contact with her mother. "Why won't you answer my question? When, when, are ya coming, mom?"
That question felt like a knife to her chest. It was too late to hold back her tears now, she realized. They poured out like a waterfall. She took Lorna in her arms and kissed the top of her head softly. "My sweet Lorna," she muttered, her voice trembling as a lump sat in the bottom of her throat. "I don't…I don't think I'll be com-coming home any time soo-soon."
Mr. Morello entered the room, enraged when he saw the tears in his wife's eyes and his youngest daughter sitting on the bed with her. He immediately yanked the teenage brunette and threw her to the ground, pointing his finger roughly at the door. "Get the fuck outta here, Lorna. Making ya mother cry, get out!"
Shaken and disoriented from the recent turn of events, Lorna walked down the sterile hallway and entered the first bathroom she could find. She stood in front of the sink, taking a hard and thorough look at her reflection that appeared in the mirror. However, instead of seeing her own reflection, she saw the sick, frail, face of her mother staring back at her. The sight terrified her; her breath caught in her throat, she immediately turned the faucet on and splashed cold water all over her face. Still the image stayed in the mirror. All Lorna could do was stare at it. Her hands went numb, the water continuing to run.
The sound of the door creaking open brought her back to reality. She quickly shut the water off, grabbed a paper towel and ran out of the room. Her stomach was queasy; she could feel her heart pounding quite heavily in her chest. She walked back down the hall and felt a slight bout of relief when she noticed her older siblings sitting in an empty waiting room just a few steps away.
"Come on, Lorn," Franny directed as both she and Mikey stood up from their chairs. She motioned for the short brunette to come over. "We're heading out, and you're coming with us."
As the months wore on, the more toll it left on Lorna's mental health. Nothing she'd ever gone through was as painful and heartbreaking as watching her mother slowly die right in front of her. It was almost too much to bear. She wanted her mother to live, to be healthy again. She loathed the thought of one day losing her. The only thing that seemed to help her cope was cooking and baking. She'd spend an entire evening baking a batch or two of cookies and then deliver half of them to her neighbors and save the rest for her mom. Even though the chances of her mom asking for a cookie were slim to none.
"Morello, care to answer the question?"
Lorna swallowed uncomfortably and looked up from her notebook. Her eyes red and drained, dark circles beneath them. She looked ahead at the teacher who stared back with glasses resting at the tip of her nose. "Uh—um, wha-what was the question?"
Clapping her hands together, the teacher shook her head distastefully. "Maybe if you had your eyes up here paying attention, ya might know what's going on. The question is what is it called when cells divide uncontrollably?"
Palms grew sweatier by the second. Lorna sucked a deep breath. She lay her hand over her temple as if that would make the answer magically come to her mind. Of course, it didn't; it only made her temple hurt. She sighed. The last thing on her mind was anything school related. She hadn't looked through any of her textbooks since her mother was sent to the hospital.
"Anyone else wanna answer the question since Miss Lorna here can't pay attention?"
"Cancer! Cancer is what makes cells divide uncontrollably," a classmate shouted out, a snarky tone quite evident.
Cancer. Cancer. Cancer! CANCER. Her mind started racing; all she could hear was the word cancer echoing louder and louder throughout her head. Everything around her became blurry and distorted. The only thing she heard was cancer. Mom has cancer. Mom has stage four liver cancer, Lorna. Cancer. CANCER! Her hands grew clammy, everything in her body became slow and limp. She felt far away—like she was sitting in a glass cage and could only hear the muffled sounds of jumbled words from nearby conversations.
Muffled voices and a keyboard clacking were what a very confused Lorna woke up to. She blinked her eyes several times before looking at her surroundings to figure out where exactly she happened to be. It was apparent that she was lying in the nurse's office, she confirmed, as her eyes peered over at the open door that led to the nurse's desk where a redhead teen seemingly tried to get out of her last class of the day while the nurse typed loudly on the computer in front of her.
"Come on, Nurse Reznikov, please just write me a slip to get outta that damn math class," the young girl with messy red curls begged. Her voice reminding Lorna of her aunt that used to smoke. Raspy and crackly, yet more childlike than her aunt's.
Turning away from the rather bulky computer, Mrs. Reznikov lowered her glasses to stare at the boisterous student. "Nicky, ya ask me this every day and the answer is still no. Now ya best get to class before you're given another detention. I gotta check on that girl over there anyway," she informed her, pointing her finger at Lorna, who seemed highly muddled with the current situation.
She grabbed a small dixie cup and filled it carefully with some water. "Here," her slight accented voice commanded as she handed the cup to the brunette. "Sip this water—slowly."
Nicky grumbled her dissatisfaction and moved her head to stare in direction of the person the nurse was now focusing her attention on. She nodded her head subconsciously. "You're in my math class, aren't ya? Ya tryna get outta it too?"
The young brunette didn't say anything, still not really sure what happened to herself. How she ended up in the nurse's office puzzled her. The only thing she could do was take the cup handed to her and sip the water cautiously. She rubbed at her temples, the sensation of a headache starting to form.
"Nicky, get going before you're late. Unlike you, some students actually come to my office for actual illnesses and accidents."
"Mhmm, I'll be back same time tomorrow," Nicky responded with a smirk before making her way out the door.
Pulling her chair over to the side of the bed, the middle-aged nurse pulled out a plastic thermometer and stuck it into Lorna's mouth. She looked at her watch briefly, then took the thermometer back out. "No temperature, so that's a good sign. Do you want another cup of water? Just stay put while I fill your cup back up," she directed, taking the empty cup and carrying it over to the water cooler.
Lorna said nothing, only sat there and waited silently for the water. She squeezed her eyes shut when a sharp pain came pounding through her head.
"Here," Mrs. Reznikov handed the cup to Lorna before situating herself back in her chair. She watched as the young girl slowly brought the water to her lips for a sip. "How do you feel?"
"I have a headache," was her muttered response. She took one last gulp of the water and pushed herself to sit up.
Shaking her head, the nurse used her hands to motion for Lorna to lay back down. "Don't move, you might have a concussion. I'll get ya some Advil and an ambulance is on its way to transport you to the hospital."
The last thing Lorna needed or wanted was to be taken to the hospital. She didn't want to set foot anywhere near there. It reminded of her mother and even though she was still alive, that didn't make being in a hospital any easier. "No, I don't needa go to a hospital. I'm fine…it's just a headache."
"Well, it's part of our safety protocol I'm afraid. It's just to be safe."
Chapter Text
Chapter Two
"What the hell's wrong with ya?" Mr. Morello's voice angrily inquired as he made his way into his daughter's ER room. He shook his head disbelievingly, eyes glaring heavily at the young girl who lay on the gurney. "Ya tryna get outta school with this stunt? I'm gettin' real tired a yer shit, Lorna! Your mom is dying from fucking cancer and here ya are having a fake stomachache because ya don't wanna be in school?"
Lorna couldn't even muster up the words to respond with. She felt her chest tighten and her breath nearly caught inside of her throat.
A hand came swinging and smacked roughly against the brunette's cheek. Hard enough to leave a lingering sting, but not enough to leave a mark or bruise. "When I ask ya a question ya better answer. Ya hear me, little girl?" He yelled out, saliva falling out with each word. His head shook with frustration. How could his daughter pull a stunt like this when her mother was suffering so badly with cancer? Oh, how it just infuriated him.
Before either could say anything more on the matter, a nurse came walking into the room with a packet of papers in her hands. "Okay, Miss Morello," she began, handing the packet over to her patient's father. "You are good to go; all the results came back fine. It sounds like you just had a little bit of an anxiety attack. Nothing to worry about. I do recommend making an appointment with your pediatrician, but you should be okay. I did, however, write you a prescription for Zoloft—that'll help anxiety."
Joe rolled his eyes while shaking his head in unison. He grabbed the papers harshly and shoved them into his pocket. He knew full well if the nurse wasn't in the room, he'd have already ripped out the papers and tossed them in the trash. "Let's go Lorna," he demanded, gritting his teeth to keep his anger from showing. The last thing he needed was to be taken to jail for his own child's stupidity.
The minute they made it into the house, Mr. Morello crumbled up the packet and threw it harshly into the trashcan. He grabbed Lorna by the collar of her shirt and looked menacingly into her eyes. "Don't ya ever pull some shit like this again, ya hear me? Little shit. I ain't paying for some bullshit medicine that ya don't need. Ya wanna act like a spoilt brat, fine but ya ain't getting no drugs!"
Concerned at the sound of shouting, Franny walked into the kitchen with her son swaddled in her arms. "Can ya stop all the yellin'? I finally just got the baby to sleep!" She looked over at Lorna, just then realizing the faint red mark on her cheek. Her eyes peered back over at her father. Even more anger pouring through. "Did you hit her?"
"Oh, fuck off, Franny. Ya disgraceful unwed mother. Yer damn well lucky ya motha and I didn't just kick ya out. So, mind yer damn business and don't tell me how to raise my children."
"Could ya just stop dad? Why are you so mean?" It was Lorna who finally spoke up. She swallowed uncomfortably afterwards and hoped she hadn't just ruined her life by asking her father such inquiries.
Those words immediately caused Joe Morello to see red. He slammed his hands roughly against the kitchen counter, not caring that he just woke his grandson. All that mattered to him at the moment was showing his youngest child the consequences of her actions. He balled his hands into fists and swung one of them out in front to come in contact with Lorna's cheek.
"Ya ungrateful shit, you don't have no right to talk to me like that. Yer life is about to be hell."
Franny rapidly acted—grabbing her sister's hand and leading her out of the room in records speed. She led her up the stairs to her room, locking the door behind them. She placed the sleeping baby into the crib that sat beside her bed before sitting Lorna down on the bed beside her. "Are you okay, Lorn? What happened?" Her hands framed around the younger girl's face, eyes searching for any signs of bruising or damage.
"I'm fine, Fran," Lorna muttered, trying to smile yet it barely reached her eyes.
The older sister sighed. She knew her sister was far from fine but would never admit that. She gently used her head to push the younger brunette's hair out of her eyes. "Regardless of if you're fine, dad had no right to hurt ya."
The more weeks that went by the closer to death Stansie Morello was. The farther from the living she was. It was challenging for the entire family to watch but even more so for Lorna, who was just starting her first year of high school. Not only did she have to go through the early signs of puberty, but she also had to watch her mother slowly succumb to the cancer. A terrible combination for any person to go through.
Nothing could ever prepare the young teenager to see her mother the way she appeared today. She sat in a chair near her mom, eyes looking tearfully at the woman who lay motionlessly in the bed. There wasn't anything she could ever even imagine that hurt more than seeing her own mother in that state. She didn't look or act like the Italian mother that Lorna remembered. She was an empty shell; it was as if she was in-between the world of the living and the afterlife. Like she was sitting in limbo, not sure whether to stay with her family or let go and make her way towards the light.
Lorna swallowed a harsh gulp. She felt both uncomfortable and at peace to be sitting beside her mother. A sigh escaped her as she gathered up the courage to take hold of one of Stansie's hands. They felt warm, she noticed, warm and alive even though she was merely crossing to the other side. She looked up at her face, wishing she could stare into the blue eyes that always seemed so optimistic and full of life but now those eyes barely opened and when they did, they appeared glossy and so far away. It was a bone-chilling sight. The image stayed with her, even when she wasn't anywhere near her. All she could see when she closed her eyes was her mother's glassy stare.
"Mom?" She called out, not much louder than a whisper.
Stansie shakily turned her head towards the voice. Her eyes barely peeped out of their lids. She squeezed the hand that covered hers with a tightness that would surprise anyone. "Mmm. My Lorna," she mumbled, her voice breathy and a faint rattle seemed to come from deep within her airway. She tried to open her eyes, but the lids felt as though they weighed one hundred pounds each.
"I love you, mom," the short brunette whispered, biting the inside of her mouth to help keep her mind from focusing on anything else. It proved to be a challenge to keep herself together. The sound of her mother's rattily breathing echoed heavily in her head. She squeezed her hand even tighter, longing so deeply for that to cure all of her mother's pain and diseased cells.
"Mmm." The older woman muttered, bringing the small hand in hers up to her heart and placing it gently down atop it. She slowly swallowed. It hurt quite a bit to swallow even her own saliva. Yet if she hadn't, she could feel herself drowning in it and that—she knew—was not a peaceful way to go. She very slowly turned her head. "Beautiful little girl," she mumbled no louder than a whisper.
Lorna felt her legs tremor slightly. She silently told herself this wasn't really her mother. This was only the shell of what Mrs. Morello used to be. She squeezed her eyes shut for a moment, but the sight of her mother laying in that bed continued to surround her. She sucked in a deep breath before reopening her brown eyes.
"Ya see Nonna? She and Nonno are sitting right beside you, my little Lorna."
The comment confirmed all of Lorna's fears. Made the situation that much realer. Her mother was rapidly slipping away from this world, she knew, and that realization felt like a knife to her chest. She really was losing her mom. The one person in her life, aside from her siblings, that showed her what it was like to be loved and cared for—how to live a fulfilling and happy life. And now she had to witness her death…a death that in her eyes appeared slow and torturous. She hoped and prayed that she never had to witness anything like this again.
Another week transformed into the weekend, yet Mrs. Morello still sat between life and death. Lorna sat at her mother's bedside day in and day out. Even though seeing her this way was traumatizing, she knew if she weren't by her side through this entire experience, she would have a world of regrets. No matter how uncomfortable or how difficult it was for her to watch her mother fade away, Lorna vowed to be with her until she breathed her last breath.
"Lorna," Franny's voice called out.
She came through the door, her eyes watching the younger girl sadly. Losing their mother was hard for all of them but she realized it was even worse for Lorna. Sure, she and Mikey loved their mom just as much, however, Lorna had a bond with their mother that those two did not. A bond that would make the grief and mourning process that much more challenging, Franny knew. She sighed, walking over to where her sister sat and placed a comforting hand over her shoulder.
Lorna slightly jumped at the sensation. She kept her grip on her mom's hand and turned her head to stare at who touched her. A deep breath expelled from her body as her eyes landed on her older sister. "Oh, uh, I didn't—I didn't hear ya come in."
"I know. Why don't we get outta here for a while? You've been sitting with mom nonstop since Friday, ya need a break," the older girl suggested, her hand gently stroking comforting circles around Lorna's shoulder.
Such a suggestion immediately had the fourteen-year-old's head shake in response. There was absolutely no way she would be leaving their mother's side today. She couldn't risk leaving and Mrs. Morello dying without her there beside her. She knew if she left, and her mother passed, that she would never be able to forgive herself.
Franny sighed once more. The past two years had been the absolute worst experience for their entire family to have go through. None of them had ever even thought about losing one of their parents, let alone actually witnessing the gradual and painful death of their own mother. She kept her eyes on her sister, watching her sadly. Realizing then how much of a challenge it would prove to be to get her out of that room.
Chapter 4
Notes:
This chapter was a bit challenging to write as some of it is based off what I experienced myself as I was there with my grandma through the dying process. I still don't like to think about it but I don't regret for one second being able to sit with my grandma those last few days she was alive. Grandma was the absolute best grandma anyone could ever have and I will forever cherish those last moments I got to spend with her. May her beautiful soul rest in peace.
Chapter Text
Chapter Three
The room didn't feel quite the same. It had an emptiness to it. And it wasn't just because the room was so cold that Lorna's teeth were chattering. She inhaled sharply, squeezing her eyes momentarily shut. Once she felt strong enough, she reopened her eyes and cautiously made her way over to the bed her mother lay in. Her brown eyes gradually fixed themselves on the pale woman in the bed. She swallowed an uncomfortable lump while letting her eyes stare down at her mom's chest. Relieved to see it still moving. At least her mother was still breathing, still hanging onto that last bit of life.
She anxiously placed a hand on her mother's face, grateful to feel the warmth that still radiated from her near-death skin. The silent room immediately echoed with a sound Lorna would never be able to erase from her memory. She was tempted to leave the room and never go back but she bit the bottom of her lip and moved her hand to her mother's chin, pushing it up to close her mouth in the hopes that it would stop the gargling sound. It didn't. The sound continued only slightly muffled.
Lorna swallowed thickly, trying to ignore the terrifying sound. She tried to remind herself that this was still her mother, but it was hard to think of that when the gargled breathing echoed loudly throughout the entire room. She couldn't think at all with that echoing in her ears. It took up the entire space of her head. It was merely impossible to concentrate on anything else. A lump sat in the pit of her stomach. Was this it? Was this the day she would witness her mother take her last breath? The thought alone made her entire face turn pale. Nothing could prepare her for such a moment.
However, what happened next shocked her and kept a sliver of hope sitting in the back of her mind. She watched with wide eyes as Mrs. Morello suddenly pushed her way up into a sitting position. If she hadn't looked directly into her mother's eyes, she would have thought everything was okay and she was coming out of this strange in-between phase. But she had looked into her eyes and felt every hair on her body stick up like a porcupine's pointy fur.
The look in her mom's eyes terrified Lorna and would forever be imprinted in her brain. They were glassy, watery, and dead appearing. Lorna was frozen in her spot. She couldn't think or move or even breathe. Not even when, out of the corner of her eye, she could see Stansie—in almost a zombie-like state—moving her legs over the railing of the medical bed and trying to push her way out.
Nothing prepared her for this. No one told her just how scary it would be to watch her mother die. She didn't even know if she could handle this when it was all said and done. She couldn't handle it right at the moment, either. Her body was frozen in the chair. All she could do was sit there and watch everything unfold in horror. Her breath caught in her chest; she tried to move but her legs refused to budge.
Mr. Morello entered the room just at the worst—yet right—time. He rapidly grabbed his wife and placed her back in the bed. Rage took over his face as he glared darkly at his daughter. He grabbed her by the arm and yanked her out of the seat. "The fuck's the matter with ya? Did ya not see your mother almost fall? Ya little shit! Leave now and you ain't coming back," he yelled, dragging her towards the door and pushing her out of the room.
Albeit it only being a day since her mother's funeral, Joe Morello forced Lorna out of bed and in the car for school. He shook his head while speeding down the road in lieu of the high school. His head slightly turned to stare fiercely at the petite brunette. "I don't give a shit if yesterday was your motha's funeral, ya going to school today. I can't deal with your ass at home all day."
Lorna kept her mouth shut the entire ride, thankful when they pulled up to her school's parking lot. She barely waited for the car to stop before exiting the vehicle. But not before her father grabbed harshly onto her wrist and yanked her backwards. His grip was so tight that Lorna could feel his nails digging into her skin. She swallowed a lump, turning her head timidly to stare at him.
"You don't get outta my car until it's fucking stopped, ya fucking brat. Ya wanna get run over?" He yelled, saliva flying out along with his words and landing on the brunette. He gave a final push to her and drove off.
She made her way into the building, drained and numb on the inside. Her mind was far away from school. Far away from reality. She sucked in a breath and forced her legs to keep moving. When she made it to her locker, she quickly grabbed her books out of it. She shut it and started heading to her first class.
"Oh, look it's the little Morello girl who fakes fainting to get outta answering questions," a voice tauntingly called out.
Lorna gripped her books tighter. She timidly lifted her head to stare up at who the voice belonged to and inwardly shuttered when she recognized the blonde teenager to be the girl from her science class. The same girl who shouted cancer and caused her to faint, she remembered. She didn't say anything, just kept walking.
That immediately angered the other girl. She came up behind her and pushed her just enough to make her trip and fall. "When I talk to you, ya better answer. Don't be a rude bitch," she growled, glaring menacingly at the brunette.
There was no energy in her to deal with this. She barely had the energy to function and now she had to fight off a classmate. A lump sat in the back of her throat. She didn't know what to do. What she wanted to do was go back home and crawl in her bed for an eternity, but she knew her father wouldn't allow that. She sighed. Ever since her mother was diagnosed with the cancer, Mr. Morello changed. He wasn't the father figure that Lorna needed anymore. He was a cold-hearted stranger.
"Hello," the teenager mocked, waving her hand aggressively in Lorna's face. She shook her head with a smirk. "Pretending you can't hear now? That's not very nice. Guess your mom didn't teach ya manners, did she?"
Cancer. Cancer is what makes cells divide uncontrollably. Cancer. Mom has cancer, Lorna. She has cancer. Cancer. Lorna squeezed her eyes shut, reaching both of her hands up to grab onto either side of her head. The gesture didn't help at all—she still heard the cancer echoing loudly in her mind no matter how tight she held onto her head. Her heart started pounding in her chest; it was almost too hard to breathe.
The taller girl only snickered, tapping her foot with a slight attitude. "Wow, and now you're putting on a real show. You're fucking crazy, Morello. What the hell's wrong with you?"
"Cancer!" Lorna's voice shouted, her eyes still squeezed shut and hands still covering the sides of her head. "Cancer! Cancer is what makes cells divide uncontrollably!"
"Hmmph. You're fucking retarded, Lorna. What the hell? They should put ya in special-ed!" The blonde continued to taunt and ridicule her. Laughing all the while.
Lorna finally gathered the strength to move again and pushed herself up before running down the hallway to the nearest bathroom. She locked herself in one of the stalls, trying to catch her breath. A wave of nausea came over her and instead, she found herself heaving into the toilet. She heaved until the only thing that was coming out was stomach acid. It felt like she was cleansing herself with each purge—purging away all the negativity, all the anxiety of every little thought that tore through her mind. She didn't want it to stop. But then she remembered she was locked in a stall in the high school and the number of germs that must have been surrounding her at that moment had to be infinite.
She quickly flushed the commode and hurried out of the stall to the sink. She let the water run over her arms for several minutes before grabbing soap and lathering it harshly around her skin. The smell of cigarette smoke gained her focus. She shut off the faucet, grabbing a paper towel to dry off her hands, and slowly followed the scent.
An open stall at the end of the bathroom was where the smell led her to. She curiously peaked her head to see who was causing such an aroma to fill the room.
Chapter Text
Chapter Four
"Oh, hey," the familiar husky voice greeted. "Aren't ya the kid who was tryna get out that math class too?"
Lorna gulped uncomfortably. "I wasn't tryna get out of class on purpose."
The older girl chuckled and took a puff of the cigarette that sat between her fingers. She shrugged her shoulders. "Sure, kid, neither was I."
"We're not s'posed to smoke in school, ya know?" Her thick Brooklynn accent informed; she focused her eyes down on the floor. Mentally counting each dot that made up the tile.
Nicky rolled her eyes while blowing out smoke. She kept the cigarette in her hands and chuckled once more. "Yeah? I'da never thought. Ya wanna try one?"
She shook her head profusely. Her mother would be so disappointed in her if she ever put one of those things anywhere near her mouth. "Those are bad for ya. My mom told me to stay away from those." An uncomfortable knot sat in the bottom of her stomach. She hoped the redhead teen wasn't about to pick on her like the other girl in the hallway had.
The redhead watched her with intrigued eyes. She finished smoking and threw the cigarette into the small trash bin that hung on the side of the stall. "What're you doing in here during class?"
"Going to the bathroom like what this room is made for. Besides class didn't start yet, it's only 7:45."
Nicky squinted her eyes and looked down at the watch on her wrist. The watch confirmed the time and she chuckled. "Wow, it's early. Time flies when ya spend the night in the girl's bathroom," she said, finally getting up from her position on the floor. Her eyes looked Lorna over while she made her way out of the stall.
"You slept here all night? Why?" The petite brunette inquired; an eyebrow arched curiously over her eyes. She kept her head pointed down, letting her eyes focus on her shoes. The shoes she remembered shopping for with her mother over the summer while she was in a slight remission from the cancer. One of the last times she ever went to a store with her mother. The last time she ever wore a pair of shoes that were once held in her mother's hands. She swallowed thickly, trying to ignore the emotions that brewed inside.
"Eh, ya know—I rather spend the night in the big empty and dark school than have to go home and deal with Marka." Her eyes intensely focused on the shorter teen. She could easily see that she was mentally fighting something. But she knew it wasn't her place to point that out. Instead, she reached into her pocket to grab a piece of gum. "Want a piece?"
Lorna shrugged but subconsciously held out her hand. "Who's Marka? Does she go here too?"
With a chuckle, Nicky took out another slice of gum and handed it over to the smaller girl. She shook her head and ran a hand through her thick, messy waves. "Nah, Marka's my mother. More like roommate."
Hearing the word mother felt like a knife was being stuck into her heart. She tried not to let it bother her, but she didn't have the energy to fight the emotions any longer. It hurt deeply to hear others talk about their mothers now that her own wasn't there with her anymore. She sucked in a deep breath and exhaled slowly.
"Everything okay there, kid?" Nicky asked, her demeanor slightly softer than usual. She could tell something was bothering the shorter girl and was intrigued to find out what that might just be.
The question was muffled by Lorna's thought-filled mind. She shifted her position in an uncomfortable manner. It was getting harder to breathe, she felt suffocated. She quickly pushed herself towards the door and out of the room. Her mind wouldn't stop going; she kept hearing a voice whispering cancer on repeat in her head. And when she shut her eyes all she could she see was her mother's glassy eyes staring back at her.
"Here," a familiar light Russian accent was the first thing Lorna was greeted with when she opened her eyes. "Sip this water and take these pills. It's just a couple Advil's."
Lorna cautiously took the water and green capsules. She swallowed the pills with a few sips of water before focusing her eyes up on the school's nurse. Her eyebrows arched over slightly puzzled brown eyes. Had she passed out again? The thought alone was enough cause for embarrassment. She already had one classmate picking fun on her over it; she didn't want the entire school to label her as the fainter.
Mrs. Reznikov took the empty cup and tossed it in the trash. She brought in Lorna's chart, looking it over with intent eyes. Her glasses sat on the tip of her nose, giving her just enough sight to be able to read the documents in her hands. "What did the doctor say when ya were taken to the ER last time? No concussion, correct?"
The brunette shook her head rapidly, still trying to make sense of what just happened. She looked around the room and noticed Nicky was sat on one of the chairs near the entrance into Nurse Reznikov's office. Seeing her only strengthened the embarrassment she felt. She bowed her head, focusing her eyes on the pattern of her pants. How could she let this happen again? She didn't understand what was going on with herself lately.
"Hmm, okay. Did they say there was any medical reason for your passing out? Do you have some kind of medical condition we should know about?"
Nicky sat quietly in her chair, her big brown eyes watching the petite brunette carefully. She should have acted sooner, she thought. Maybe she could have stopped her from another fainting episode if she acted on her worry. She shook her head, though; the two of them were barely acquaintances let alone friends, she had no business meddling into Lorna's life so suddenly.
"No," the short brunette muttered. She refused to lift her head. Irritated at her behavior. Angry that she let this happen once again. "Why am I in here again?"
Nurse Reznikov slid her glasses off and placed the paperwork back in the filing cabinet by her desk. She walked back out to where the two students were and sat back in her previous chair. "Nicky helped you down here, you seemed to have had another fainting episode. Are you sure the doctor didn't diagnose you with anything that might explain this?"
Lorna shook her head again, feeling herself tense up in frustration. "No, and don't make me go back to any doctors or hospitals again. They're not good people."
"Doctors are there to help you, I can assure. But I don't plan to send you to the hospital today. Sounds like ya just need to rest and maybe drink fluids to stay hydrated. Your blood pressure and temperature are all fine so I'm not too concerned. Do you want me to call your parents to see if they can come get you?"
Do you want me to call your parents? Parents? Parents? The inquiry echoed loudly through her head. It hurt Lorna's temples to have that continuously replaying in her mind. "No, I'm fine. I can stay and go back to class. I'm fine. Everything's fine." She spoke quietly, trying to convince herself that everything was fine. But everything was far from fine. Her mother was dead, and her dad looked at her as though she was his human punching bag those days.
The middle-aged nurse let out a sigh and nodded her head. She grabbed a blanket from a cabinet in her small office, bringing it over to place carefully over Lorna's petite frame. "Why don't you try and nap first? I'll write you a slip to excuse you from your first class. You look like you haven't slept well in weeks, honey."
She walked in the direction of her office, looking over at Nicky with a compassionate expression on her face. "I'll write you a slip as well, Nicky, but only for your first class. You can stay here, but I'm putting you to work. Fair?"
The redhead nodded agreeably with a genuine smile on her face. "Fair enough," she responded. Her eyes moved to stare at Lorna; something about the younger girl intrigued her. She longed to figure out the puzzle of what was Lorna Morello.
When she entered the house that evening, she could already feel the tensity in the air. She threw her bookbag down, slipped out of her sneakers, and made her way into the kitchen. What she walked into immediately caused fear to rise within her body. She felt her breath catch in her throat; she swallowed uncomfortably, trying not to be heard or seen as she tiptoed passed her father and sister's yelling match.
Chapter Text
Chapter Five
"Why the hell would ya make Lorna go to school today, dad? Seriously? What the hell's wrong with ya?" Franny yelled, holding her toddler son on one hip while using her other hand to stir the sauce that boiled in the pot on the stove. Anger was clearly evident in her voice; she turned her head to glare darkly at Mr. Morello.
The infuriated middle-aged father slammed his hands loudly on the counter. He grabbed a knife from the cabinet and gripped it tightly in his hands. His eyes peered menacingly into his oldest daughter's. "Don't you fucking talk to me like that, Francine. You little fucker. You want to be kicked outta this house, little girl?"
Lorna froze in her spot, eyes widened as she watched things unfold. Her legs tremored beneath her, she shut her eyes tightly and hoped to God that her father wasn't planning on using that knife to hurt Franny.
Shaking her head in disbelief, the tall brunette turned off the stove and grabbed her own knife from the counter. She turned to face her father. It broke her heart tremendously to know how much their father changed. Ever since Stansie Morello was diagnosed with the cancer, their father turned into an abusive drunk. She loathed what he had become; felt disgusted to have such a cruel man for a father.
"Put the knife down," she demanded, tightening her hold on the one in her hand. The rage was building inside of her. "You kick me out, Lorna comes with me. I ain't letting her stay here alone with you."
"Excuse you? This is my fucking house; you don't tell me what to do. I'll put my knife down when you stop running your goddamn mouth and put yours down. You sure as hell are not bringing Lorna with ya when I kick ya out; she's fourteen years old and will be living under my roof until I say so," he yelled back, walking closer to the young adult.
It was almost too much to bear. Lorna couldn't take watching the interaction between them any longer. She ran up behind Franny with frantic eyes, heart pounding fiercely in her chest. "Stop it, stop it!" Tears welled up in her eyes, she couldn't allow this to happen—it was enough that they lost their mother, she didn't want to lose her sister too.
Franny felt her heart sink when she caught sight of her younger sister; her blue eyes peered compassionately over at her. "Go upstairs, baby. I'll be up in a minute, okay?"
She shut and locked the door to her bedroom, crouching down on the wooden floor and bringing her knees up to her chest. Their whole life went up in smoke the minute Stansie was diagnosed with the cancer, she realized. Nothing was ever the same since that god-awful day. Her father took to alcohol and physically abusing she and her sister. Mikey had enrolled in the army just after his eighteenth birthday, unaware of what was going on at home other than being there for their mother's passing.
There was a knock on her door, but she was too deep into her anxiety and fear to budge. She squeezed her eyes shut as if to make the situation magically better—yet all that did was cause her to have visions of her mother's glassy gaze. The sight only worsened her anxiety. Her breathing grew heavier and faster; she felt like she had run a marathon and wasn't able to catch her breath.
"Lorna, hon, it's just me. Please open the door," Franny gently called out on the other side of it.
She heard a faint amount of what the other said, however, most of it was muffled by her heart pounding in her chest and thoughts racing through her mind. That made it merely impossible for her to respond yet alone stand up to open the door.
The older brunette couldn't wait a second longer; she hurried into the bathroom to grab a thin pair of scissors and used the sharp edge to pick the lock of the bedroom door. Once the door opened, Franny cautiously entered and felt her heart ache to see the state her sister was in. She crouched down on the ground beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder.
"Take a deep breath, Lorn. You're okay," she soothed, acting quickly by pulling her sister into a gentle embrace. She had no idea what to do or how to help; she didn't think much about it just let her sisterly instincts take over. "You're okay; I've got ya, hon."
"Franny, I-I don't know what-what's wrong with me…I feel like-like I can't breathe."
Pulling her closer, Franny gave a comforting pat to her back and motherly kiss to the top of her head. "It's okay; I think you're just having a panic attack. It'll be okay, Lorn."
Lorna shook her head. Nothing would ever be okay again. Their family was falling apart, and they could both end up dead at the hands of their own father. It was not going to be okay, she thought to herself. "Nothing is okay, Fran. Nothing."
"That's not true. I promise you everything is gonna be okay; I won't let dad hurt you anymore, you and I are gonna move out. You'll live with me because I will not let ya stay here with that monster. Just try to breathe, sweetheart. We'll get through this."
Getting through this was something that certainly didn't seem to be happening. Things only got worse both at home and at school for Lorna Morello. Her father refused to let her leave with Franny, threatened to call the cops on her for kidnapping the brunette teen. She continuously was picked on in school by her classmate, who's name she found out to be Annalisa Damiva. And the anxiety kept worsening; she hardly went a day without at least one panic attack. Mr. Morello refused to do anything about it, completely against getting the prescription filled for the anti-anxiety medicine she was given.
She only wore long sleeved clothing to school those days. All the bruises that battered her body had to be hidden. She had no time for any other stresses in her life. Each day made it just slightly more difficult for Lorna to push herself out of bed. Today, however, she didn't have to force herself out of bed—Mr. Morello beat her to it.
The door of her bedroom swung open with a loud squeak that quickly brought Lorna out of her slumber. Her heartrate rose dramatically; she cautiously peeped her head out from the blanket to catch her father drunkenly walking nearer her. She pulled the cover up to hide her face, wishing there were a way to escape without being noticed. She swallowed thickly, flinching when she heard things being thrown around her room.
"Fucking shit, you act like you don't gotta clean up after yourself! Get the hell up, Lorna, and get yer damn clothes on. You'll walk to school today, ya can use the exercise anyway."
By the time she made it inside of the building, it was already half past eight in the morning. Her hair dripped from the rain pouring harshly on her as she made the thirty-minute walk from her house. She quickly went to her locker to take out her books and ran down the hall to her first class. The second she walked into the classroom; she knew it was going to be a shitty day. All eyes were immediately on her. She swallowed uncomfortably while taking a seat at her desk.
The teacher stopped her lecture to lower her glasses and stare over at Lorna. "Nice of you to decide to join us, Miss Morello. That's the second time this week you've been late to my class—do you want to fail?" She shook her head with a disapproving sigh. It was students like Lorna who frustrated her to no end.
Lorna felt her cheeks heat up with embarrassment. She could hear some snickering from classmates but did her best to ignore it. An anxious pang sat in her chest as she opened her notebook to start writing what was on the board. She pulled the hood of her sweatshirt up over head to try and drown out the laughter and voices around her.
"Put the hood down, Lorna. You are on very thin ice. You're this close to getting a detention," the teacher informed her, gesturing with her thumb and pointer finger to prove her point.
With a quiet sigh, the petite brunette reluctantly complied with the request and pushed the hood back down. She could still hear faint snickering but chose to focus on her notes instead. The last thing she wanted was to draw anymore attention to herself by reacting to the laughs. It wasn't the easiest thing to do, however, writing in her notebook kept her mind focused.
Focusing back on the lesson at hand, the teacher placed the next sheet onto the projector board. She grabbed her pointing stick and used it to emphasize what was being projected on the chalkboard. "The rest of this week we will be focusing on the science behind cancer—who can tell me what cancer is?"
Annalisa looked menacingly over at Lorna as she waved her hand in the air. "Well, Mrs. Bell, as we already know thanks to me cancer is when cells divide uncontrollably. Ya know since Lorna don't pay attention and shit."
"Yes, that's the definition but what is cancer? And don't swear in my class, Lisa. I will not hesitate to write you up."
"Cancer is a death sentence," the blonde retorted back with an irritated roll of her eyes.
Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, Lorna tried to focus her thoughts elsewhere. She refused to give into the anxiety and end up with another panic attack. She didn't want to become known as the crazy girl or mental. But just hearing other people bring up the word cancer triggered all of her emotions to come back to the surface. It didn't matter how hard she tried to fight against them; they always came out on top.
Cancer was a death sentence, Lorna silently agreed. From the moment she was told of her mother's grim diagnoses, the whole family knew death was only around the corner. Cancer was evil and cruel and discriminated against no one. Cancer killed ruthlessly and got away with it. It was a sick, mean, and family ruining disease. A word that Lorna thought should be banned from all languages. Cancer stole her only best friend; her one person that loved her unconditionally from the moment she was born, her mother. And for that, Lorna would never forgive cancer.
"You seem awfully quiet over there, Lorna. Care to share what you think cancer is?"
Lorna immediately felt a sinking sensation in her stomach. She gulped distastefully and lifted her head gradually to stare up at who questioned her. Of course, it happened to be Annalisa. The one classmate who just endlessly enjoyed making her miserable. She swallowed hard. Her hands were damp with sweat. "I, uh, I um…I think cancer is-is evil." Was the meek response she barely was able to muster up in a voice not much louder than a whisper. She bit the inside of her mouth and focused back down on her notes.
The blonde teenager snickered loudly; her eyes glaring over at her with darkness hidden inside. "Oh yeah? Ya know what else is evil? Having your face out in public—ya so ugly you could kill someone just by lookin' at em'."
Mrs. Bell slammed the pointer on her desk and put her hands irritatingly over her hips. She couldn't stand high school drama; it was petty and pointless. It made her question why she became a high school teacher in the first place. "That's enough, Annalisa. This is science class, not let's be a bitch to everyone class. Make another goddamn peep in my classroom and I'll make sure ya repeat the ninth grade."
Chapter 7
Notes:
Author's Note: Sorry for the delay in update; I have been swamped with work. Anyway here is chapter six.
Chapter Text
Chapter Six
Lunch split up the day and was one of Lorna's most dreaded parts. She sat at her usual empty table with her books on the laminate surface in front of her. Her eyes kept to her journal even though she hadn't planned to write anything. All she wanted to do was sit and stare until the bell rang to end it. She exhaled deeply and shook her head in frustration. Her stomach growled but she knew eating wasn't an option—she had no money to purchase a lunch and her dad refused to allow her to take any of their food. Claiming she was getting too heavy, and he refused to be known as the fat girl's father.
The sound of nearby footsteps caught her attention; she sensed her anxiety rise, hoping it wasn't Annalisa. When she heard the person sitting down across from her and a tray clanking against the top of the table, she felt her body slightly jump. She ever so cautiously lifted her head to glance up at who was causing all the commotion.
"Hey, kid," a familiar husky voice greeted, which immediately brought relief over the brunette. "Care if I join ya? I usually spend my lunch in the bathroom smoking but was by and saw ya all alone. Thought it'd be nice to give ya some company, yeah?"
Lorna shrugged and focused back on her journal. On one hand she felt relieved that it wasn't that girl from her science class however, on the other, she was stressed—making small talk with a person she hardly knew wasn't one of her strengths. Having to make conversation with new people brought her quite a bit of discomfort. She never really knew what to say.
Nicky noticed the silence and decided to break it with a friendly smirk. "So, what're ya writing in there? Is that your secret diary? I have a diary too, kid, I call it my sex-ary."
The brunette swallowed nervously. She finally looked up from the book and glanced over at Nicky. "Sex-ary? Why ya call it that?"
With a chuckle, Nicky took a bite of her sandwich and shrugged. "It's nicer than calling it my fuck journal, yeah?" She pointed out in between bites of the sandwich. Her eyes searched the table on the brunette's side, just then noticing there was no food in front of her. "Where's your lunch, kid?" She inquired, arching her eyebrows ponderously.
Gulping in discomfort, Lorna closed her journal while trying to come up with a response that wouldn't cause her or her family to be an embarrassment. The last thing she needed—wanted—was for anyone in her school to know the trouble her family happened to financially be in. She already had people referencing her as the fainting girl, she certainly didn't want to be called the poor girl who couldn't even afford to pack a piece of fruit for lunch, either.
"Ya gonna answer?"
Lorna's stomach twisted into a knot. She felt her chest tighten. "S-sorry. I, uh, I forgot my lunch at home is all. Can we talk about something else? Like, um, what's your favorite flavor of cigarettes?"
Nodding her head, Nicky made a mental note to come back to that comment in the future. Instead, she chuckled at the younger girl's question and sipped her tea. "My favorite flavor of cigarettes? Ya do know cigarettes aren't something ya eat, yeah kid?"
"Yeah, yeah, course' I know that. But don't they taste like anything? I mean I ain't ever smoked one and don't plan to, but I just always wondered what they taste like."
"You're an interesting girl, Lorna," the redhead informed her, meaning every word that came out of her mouth. Lorna Morello was the absolute most intriguing, unique, person that she ever met. She certainly wasn't the average teenager, Nicky noted. "Cigarettes taste like the darkest roast of coffee brewing so beautifully into the pot. Mm…damn it now I want a cigarette and a coffee."
Lorna couldn't help but smile at the mention of coffee. A warm, comforting, beverage that she remembered smelling up the whole house each and every morning before school before the passing of her mother. "I could use a coffee now, too. I haven't had a coffee in weeks," she responded, eyes dreamily gazing ahead at nothing in particular.
Smirking at the statement, Nicky crossed her arms over her chest and peered ahead across the table at the brunette. "Oh yeah? Hm, we should fix that—how about you and I go get a coffee after school? My treat."
Lorna nodded with a small smile. Her eyes lit up at the thought of going out for a beloved cup of coffee. There was almost nothing that she loved more than coffee. It was something she watched her mother sip every morning as she got ready for school. Even only the smell of it brought such a sensation of comfort over her. "That would be real nice; I used to go to all the coffee shops in town with my motha."
"You don't go anymore?" Nicky took the chance to question.
Inhaling a sharp breath, the brunette swallowed uncomfortably at her words. She bit the inside of her mouth. "Uh, no, my mom's gone away for a while—for-for her job, and, uh she couldn't afford to move us all."
"Hey, Vause," Nicky greeted while entering the local coffee shop with Lorna. She waved a hand, making her way to the counter to order coffee for the pair of them. She rummaged through her satchel for her wallet and took out some cash. "I'll have a plain black coffee, and uh—what do ya want, kid?" She turned her head slightly to gaze over at Lorna.
The short brunette placed her finger over her chin while glancing up at the menu board. There were so many choices; it seemed almost overwhelming how many choices there were. She felt a lump form in her throat. Such a simple thing had her anxiety coming up to the surface. Her cheeks felt hot; she shifted her feet and shut her eyes tightly.
"Lorna? Everything okay? Ya know what coffee ya want, yeah?"
Lorna grumbled silently. She shook her head and threw her hands up in exasperation. "There's too many to choose from, Nicky. I-I don't know which one I want."
The slightly taller teen watched her with concerned eyes. She knew there was something going on with this girl—the way she reacted to just ordering a coffee proved that point and she vowed to get to the bottom of this. For now, though, she focused her attention on the coffee menu and barista behind the counter. "Yo Vause, what do ya recommend my friend get?"
A tall girl with thick black waves turned to face the customers, blue eyes staring through glasses over at them. "Yeah sure—I recommend trying our new latte; it's pretty good, it's the Captain Crunch Swirl latte. I hear people talking about it all the time."
The brunette nodded meekly in response. Anything to end the misery in her head. "Can I have skim milk in it, please? My stomach is sensitive to whole milk," she informed the clerk, letting her eyes search curiously around the shop. It was a cute little place, she thought with a faint smile, it reminded her of all the coffee houses she and her mom would stop at together.
Once their coffees were handed to them, Nicky led the shorter girl to one of the tables. She sat on the other side of it, right across from Lorna, and took a much-desired sip of her bold, dark, coffee. "A sensitive tummy, huh?" She arched an inquisitive eyebrow as she happily sipped on her steaming beverage.
"Yeah, all the Morello women have a sensitivity to dairy. My mom always ordered skinny lattes when me and her would stop at a coffee place," the brunette informed her. It both hurt and brought comfort when she spoke of her beloved mother. Her mother was the light of her life—she had the most caring and generous heart that Lorna only hoped she could live up to one day. So many fond memories she had of Mrs. Morello.
Nicky sensed something was wrong but chose not to say anything. She sipped her bold, plain, coffee and nodded. "See I just drink a plain coffee—ain't gotta worry about all that weird shit. I like coffee bitter and strong, reminds me of a nice cigarette."
"My Nonna always drank her coffee straight outta the pot, no sugar or cream. I can't stand coffee without anything in out, it's too bitter and bleh."
The redhead gave a nod while enjoying the bold flavor that her tastebuds happily craved. She placed the mug back on the table and focused her eyes across at Lorna. The petite brunette who continuously piqued her interest lately. "Sounds like Nonna was a smart lady—coffee tastes best plain. Mmm. I love my coffee, reminds me of a good cigarette."
She nodded in response to the statement, not too sure what else to say. She brought the mug up towards her lips for a sip and shrugged her shoulders slightly. "Yes, she was real smart."
The minute she returned home and walked in the door; she knew she was in trouble. She could already hear the sound of things being thrown around the room, her father's voice angrily booming through the walls. It made her legs tremble ever so slightly as she walked inside the living room, closing the door as quietly as she could as to not entice his attention. Ever since Mrs. Morello had fallen ill with cancer, her father was never the same. Now, instead of being the fun and loving dad that Lorna used to enjoy, he was a drunken infuriated man who only knew how to abuse her. Who now only spoke to her in a cold, icy, tone and stared at her with disgust in his eyes.
She swallowed uncomfortably as she tried to tiptoe her way through the living room and down towards the kitchen. A glass bottle shattering against the floor was what froze her in her spot. She knew that wasn't a good sign. Her heart began to pound in her chest.
"And just where the hell were you? Ya been outta school for two hours now, Lorna, why the fuck didn't you come straight home?" Mr. Morello's infuriated voice tore through the room.
Just looking at him, Lorna knew he was drunk. The smell alone was enough to tell her that. She shifted her feet in discomfort, eyes glancing anywhere but at her dad. She hated the person he became—loathed that he forced her to stay with him when he clearly didn't want her around. Why couldn't she have moved in with Franny? She didn't understand why he had such a problem with that.
Shaking his head angrily, Joe slammed his hands on the kitchen counter making the petite brunette jump. "Don't just fucking stand there, answer my damn question. Where the fuck were you?"
She could feel his saliva from all the way across the room and shuddered. "I just went to have coffee with my friend. What's the big deal, dad?"
"The big deal? Ya wanna know what the big fucking deal is? I'll tell ya what—you are to come home right after school and that's that. You don't have time to be a little bitch with your friends. You come home and you do all the cleaning and cooking like your damn motha did. You hear me?"
The words angered her; she wanted so badly to say something back, but the fear was stronger. She knew if she acted on the rage, she would be in a worse place. So, she swallowed her words, and turned to leave.
He quickly grabbed onto her arm and pulled her harshly back into the kitchen. "Don't walk away when I'm fucking talkin' to ya! The hell is yer problem, Lorna? Acting like a fucking bitch just like your motha!"
Lorna instinctively pushed her father away. She felt her cheeks redden in rage. She couldn't care-less what insults he spewed about herself but to hear him call her mother names—especially, now, after all that she suffered, Lorna wanted nothing more than to beat him until he ended up dead as a doornail. "Don't talk about mom like that—she is a better parent than you can even dream of being. Mom is the best person in my life and-and I hate you for being so mean to her!" She screamed, grabbing a knife from the counter.
"Fucking little shit, put the fucking knife down before I get my gun and shoot you," Mr. Morello shouted right back. He got up from the ground and, with all of his force, used his hands to push Lorna backwards so she collided onto the floor with the knife scraping across her arm.
Chapter Text
Chapter Seven
The brunette lay tearfully in her bed, the covers all the way to her head. She felt sick inside. Sick that her father's blood ran through her veins. Sick that she heard him talk about her mother in such a vile way. Her phone sat in her hands as she cried silently. She didn't know what to do. All she had now was her abusive father. Franny lived in her own apartment across town and Mikey was away in the military. Nobody could help her through this. Nobody knew what she was left to cope with.
She slid open the screen of her phone, looking through her contacts for someone to call. She needed something to keep her mind off reality. When her eyes landed on Nicky's name, she stopped and stared at it. She forgot the two of them exchanged numbers earlier that day. With a click of a button, the phone dialed the number and the dial tone sounded through her ear.
It took only two rings for the line to pick-up. She swallowed nervously, now regretting making the call. What was she even going to say? She asked herself. She sighed and tried to clear her throat enough so that her voice wouldn't sound as though she'd just spent the past hour crying her eyes out. "Uh, hey Nicky, it's Lorna…from school," she finally spoke up.
"Hey, kid," Nicky answered with a warm chuckle. "I know who ya are. What's up? I wasn't expecting to hear from ya so late, is everything okay?"
"Just, um, I don't know. I just wanted someone to talk to, I guess," was her meek response. She really hadn't any clue why she chose to call Nicky at this late hour and was surprised she even answered. But she did, truly, want someone to talk to. She craved friendship—love and the feeling of someone just caring. And, for some unexplainable reason, Nicky gave her that sense of caring.
On the other line, Nicky couldn't help but slightly smile at the response. She felt a connection with Lorna. A connection she never really felt with anyone else. A connection she couldn't quite explain, either. "Well, I'm here. We can talk. What's on your mind, Lorna?"
The question proved to be a challenge for her to come up with an answer for. What wasn't on her mind was the more appropriate question. "I just—it was real fun going to the coffee shop with ya today. I, uh, I enjoyed it a lot. Thank you."
Another smile crept onto her face. "I enjoyed it too, kid. We'll have to hang out more, yeah? What're ya thanking me for, huh? You're too sweet."
"I mean ya just, you're the nicest friend I've had in a real long time. I just wanted to thank you. I would love to hang out more, just—uh, I don't know when. If there was some sorta way we could hang out during school hours, that would be a life saver."
The comment brought a slight bit of concern over Nicky. She scrunched her eyebrows up in intrigue. "Anytime, kid, anytime. Hey, well, now you're speaking my language. I love skipping classes, why not skip it together?" A smirk formed. She would do anything to get out of those mundane courses she was forced to take. And even more so if she could spend more time with Lorna Morello.
The idea was highly enticing to Lorna. Yet, in the back of her mind, she worried her father would find out and punish her even worse. She exhaled deeply, trying to keep the thought at bay. She refused to ruin her new friendship with any pettiness. She was Lorna Morello, the happiest girl on the planet. Yes, she told herself, she was happy. There was no room for negative emotions.
The silence didn't go unnoticed by Nicky. "You still there, kid?"
"Yeah, I'm here," Lorna finally said, forcing a yawn to make it seem as though she was tired—when in reality, she was really too frightened to fall asleep. "How can we skip class without getting caught? I wanna do it, I just—I don't wanna get in trouble, Nicky."
"Getting tired, yeah? Wanna call it a night? We can talk about that tomorrow; you sound like you're about to fall asleep."
The brunette shook her head furiously even though the other girl couldn't see her. "I can't sleep yet, just let's figure out how to not get caught sneaking outta class please?"
Nicky sensed the urgency in her voice and felt a heavy sensation in her chest. She had a feeling something wasn't right. But had no idea how to even go about figuring it out. "Kid, it's no big deal. We can figure that out in the morning, yeah? It's late, let's just go to sleep and we'll meet up at school first thing in the morning, I promise."
"It is a big deal. I-I just—please don't go yet, I just wanna make sure we really don't get caught. Please, Nicky."
The franticness in her voice immediately rang alarm bells in the older teen's head. She sighed sadly, holding the phone tighter against her ear. "I'm not going anywhere kid, I promise. It's okay, I'm right here. We'll meet up tomorrow morning in Red's office, yeah? I'll convince her to write us a slip outta our morning classes, okay? Please don't worry. Now, why don't we just hang up for the night and go to sleep?"
Lorna swallowed uncomfortably. She didn't want her emotions to come out. The last thing she wanted was for her new friend to hear the sniffles or cries that came out of her. She wanted to keep her happy and bubbly persona. But it was as though she was possessed. She felt like she had no control over anything anymore. "Don't go," she spoke no louder than a whisper.
Nicky's heart ached at her small voice. She longed, desperately, to push her arms through the phone and just hug Lorna close to her. "I'm here, Lorna. I won't leave. Are you okay?"
"I'm okay," she mumbled, not sure she even knew the meaning of okay anymore. Deep down, she knew she hadn't been truly okay since before her mother's cancer diagnoses.
She didn't believe that for even a second. "Are ya really? I don't think you are. Ya called me in the middle of the night and I just—I know something's up. Please tell me what's wrong. I'm your friend, Lorna, I'm here for you."
"I'm okay," Lorna repeated but even she knew it was a lie. "I don't know what I am. I just know I don't want to talk about it. I'm sorry for calling and bothering you, Nicky. I-I didn't even mean to, my fingers just did it without me telling them to."
Nicky couldn't help but lightly chuckle at the comment. "Your fingers know you need me is what it sounds like to me. They made a good choice. You're not bothering me at all—I don't usually go to sleep until way past midnight, I'm just worried about you. But it is late, and I think you need some sleep, yeah? It's okay, I'll talk to ya tomorrow and I'll give ya a hug when we see each other. I want to. Since I can't hug ya now through the phone."
The next morning arrived quickly much to Lorna's displeasure. She sat up in the bed, shutting her eyes momentarily as she sucked in an exasperated breath of air. Another day she hadn't known if she could make it through. After last night's events with her father, she knew today couldn't be much better. She threw her legs over the side of the bed and finally pushed herself off of it. She grabbed a pair of sweatpants and shirt from her dresser, quickly throwing them on, and made her way down the stairs to the kitchen to prepare herself a much-needed cup of coffee.
"You're fucking late again," Mr. Morello spat from his seat at the kitchen table. He glanced up from the newspaper in has hands, shaking his head in frustration. "I'm fucking sick and tired of your shit, Lorna. Ya keep getting up late and missing the damn bus—I'm not driving you anymore. You can walk your ass to school. And don't even make any damn breakfast, ya ain't got time. Get going!"
Lorna ignored her father's words and continued to get her cup of coffee ready. She could go without food just fine but coffee? There was no way she was setting foot outside without having her morning cup. She watched as the coffee slowly dripped into the vessel and grabbed a traveler's mug from the counter while waiting for it to finish.
Rage built up inside of him. He set the newspaper aside and stood up from the chair, slamming it into the table so loudly that it almost broke right then and there. "Fucking ignoring me again? I'm so tired of your bitchy attitude! This is my fucking house, and you will fucking answer me when I speak to you, ya fucking understand?" He marched over to her, grabbing the coffee vessel before it was even finished brewing and poured the steaming liquid right over her head.
"Want yer damn coffee? There, how's that? Now fucking get the hell outta here and to school—and ya fucking better be home on time or you'll regret it," he demanded, pushing her towards the door and throwing her out into the snowy morning air.
By the time she finally made it to the entrance of her high school, she could hardly feel her legs or even her arms for that matter. The coffee burnt terribly, yet the freezing temperatures numbed her up so much she couldn't sense it anymore. She grabbed onto the door and made her way inside the building. And as soon as she did, her entire body collapsed to the ground. She didn't make a sound, however, she just let the cold tile embrace and cool her now very burning body. She felt as though her blood was boiling inside of her. It was so great; she couldn't explain it. She had no energy to make a sound.
It felt like an eternity had passed before she was finally able to move her body again. She used all of her force to push herself up off the ground. It hurt tremendously, but she ignored it and continued through the hall to her locker. When she arrived in front of it, she rapidly opened the door and grabbed her morning class books out.
A gentle hand was placed onto her shoulder, causing her to immediately jump up in fear. She swallowed hard, not expecting anyone to come up from behind and scare her like that. She hoped to God it wasn't Annalisa. However, when she turned around, relief washed over her as her eyes landed on Nicky's.
"I didn't mean to scare ya, kid," her husky voice commented. Big brown eyes staring her over in intense concern. She sensed an uneasiness among them. She searched the petite brunette with thorough eyes. "I've been looking for ya all morning, where were ya?"
Lorna felt her heartbeat rising at the question. She had to come up with an excuse and fast. "Oh, uh, sorry—I just got here. I missed the bus and had to call my sista to take me. She lives a bit away."
Nicky folded her hands over her chest, not buying that excuse whatsoever. "Lorna, I don't know if I believe that."
Her heart pounded so hard, that's all she could hear. The shorter teen shifted her feet as she stood, trying to come up with the words to say. She didn't know what to say, honestly. She didn't want to have Nicky find out the truth. As if she needed more reason for her to regret their friendship.
"Lorna, are you okay?"
Lorna nodded but she wasn't. She knew she wasn't okay. Her entire body ached and burned. Her skin felt raw and chapped. But she nodded and put on her bubbly Lorna smile. Damned if she'd let anyone ever think otherwise. "I'm okay, Nicky. I just—I didn't even have time for my coffee. I feel caffeine deprived is all."
The redhead inwardly sighed, still not believing a word. She didn't say anything—only wrapped her arms warmly around Lorna's petite frame. She gave a soft kiss to her head. "Here's that big hug I promised you, kid. God, it feels so good to hug you," she gently whispered, embracing her for several moments before finally releasing her.
That statement Lorna couldn't agree more with. She never enjoyed a hug quite like the one she just shared with Nicky. Something about it just felt right—natural. It made her crave more. But she refrained. Her body was too horrid to be embraced by such a wonderful human being, she told herself. Especially now after what happened that morning.
"Thank you," was her murmured response.
Nicky couldn't help but give her a soft smile. She reached a hand over to frame delicately around her cheek. "You're very welcome, sweet girl. I'm here for ya, yeah?" She parted a strand of hair from her eyes, gazing into them with a strong waive of sincerity.
Lorna bit her lip to keep her emotions in check. She felt something come over her, yet she couldn't figure out what it was. She swallowed thickly. The older girl made her feel calm and cared for. Something no one else seemed to have the capability of. "Thank you, Nicky." All she could muster up without her emotions getting the best of her.
Gently grabbing hold of her hand, Nicky led her to the bathroom and locked them in one of the stalls. She framed Lorna's face in her hands once more and studied her features much more closely. She could see the tears that threatened to spill out and let her thumb slowly stroke around her soft flesh. "You can cry, baby. You're allowed," she murmured warmly, taking her head and cradling it in her arms.
"I don't wanna cry, Nicky." Lorna swallowed hard, trying so very hard to keep the tears from falling. She peered up at the other and just felt such a warm sensation fall over her. She sighed, shutting her eyes. The tears kept building. She opened them and stared back at Nicky, who's soft brown eyes only seemed to gaze at her with such a warmth it was almost overwhelming.
"I know you don't want to, but you need to. I can tell you need to," Nicky soothed, continuing the soothing sensation around her face. "Those tears want to come out, let them. It's okay. You are allowed to cry, beautiful. You're allowed to cry here with me."
The shorter girl shook her head and forced a smile. "But I'm happy. I don't wanna cry. I-I can't."
Shaking her head as well, Nicky knew that was a blatant lie. She easily saw right through Lorna's façade and that only made her fondness for her grow. She wanted to break Lorna's very stubborn walls and see what was really inside of her. "You're trying to convince yourself that you're happy, I can see that. But you're so exhausted, so tired, baby. You need to cry; I can see it in those beautiful eyes. Just let it out," she softly commented, letting her thumb trace comforting circles around her cheeks.
"I knew something was up when you called me last night, kid. And now, I'm even more sure of that. I'm not asking you to tell me—at least not right now—I'm just telling you that I'm here and you can cry here with me. You don't have to pretend in front of me, anymore. I'm not gonna leave, Lorna. You don't have to worry, I'm here now. I'm here, I'll take care a ya, kid."
Lorna still refused to let the tears fall even though she knew Nicky was right. Her body and mind felt so exhausted and drained. She wanted to finally just let it all out but there was something holding her back. She couldn't let her bubbly persona just leave like that. She couldn't give in. She had to make sure everyone saw her as the happy and cheery girl that she was—or thought she was.
Chapter 9
Notes:
Author's Note: I do not have words to use to explain why it's taken me almost an entire year to update this. However, I've gotten my muse to write and I've been working on this story. I've got some more written for it so as long as my writing muse stays I should be updating this again soon. I will *not* promise anything though. Anyway, here's the next chapter.
Chapter Text
Chapter Eight
Nicky tilted her head with a slow nod. "Don't hold it in anymore, Lorna. You're not alone. You have me and you can cry right now, right here where I can comfort you. Please, please, let it out. I promise it will feel better to let it out."
"But, Nicky, I'm really okay—see," Lorna responded, putting on a smile. A very broken, meaningless, smile.
"No, Lorna, you're not okay. It's okay to not be okay," she warmly assured her, brushing her fingers up and down her cheeks. "Please stop torturing yourself. You're safe with me, you don't have to be scared to share your true emotions with me. I just want to help you. You're a sweetheart, Lorna, you're such a sweetheart and I can't just let you suffer in silence any longer."
Her lips faintly trembled as she finally found words to speak. She slowly lifted her head and glanced up at Nicky. "What if someone walks in the bathroom and hears? Nicky, I don't want to be made fun of even more."
Nicky arched her eyebrow inquisitively at the comment. She placed her hands softly on each of Lorna's shoulders and looked gently into her eyes. "Made fun of even more? What? Baby, are you being bullied?" Blood boiled with rage at the mere thought of any of their classmates threatening and scaring Lorna in such a way. She took hold of one of Lorna's hands, squeezing it softly in her own.
"I-I…it's nothing serious, Nicky. Just—just ya know how people are. Just like to pick fun is all. And I just I don't want to risk one of those girls coming in here while I'm in the midst of a mental breakdown, ya know? I can't risk being the joke of this school."
"Nothing serious? Lorna, being bullied is fucking serious." Nicky tried to control the building rage; it wasn't meant for Lorna. And she couldn't let her emotions to boil over and scare the petite girl, who she knew was already so frail and fragile. "I'm sorry, kid, I shouldn't be yelling. I'm just fucking pissed that people are hurting you like that."
Nicky swallowed roughly when she saw how much Lorna's body trembled. Immediately acting, she wrapped her arms protectively around her waist and pulled her in for a warm embrace. "I know any person who thinks it's okay to hurt you is a piece of shit in my eyes. You're a sweetheart and it just fucking baffles me that anyone would wanna fucking bully you. Who—who is it? Who's doing this to ya, Lorna?"
Lorna shook her head. She knew telling Nicky the name of the culprit wasn't in her best interest. She couldn't let Nicky find out and possibly do something she'd regret. Instead, with a sniffle, she wrapped her own arms around the taller girl and finally let herself relax into the embrace. "Don't worry about it, please Nicky. Please don't worry about it. I shouldn'ta said anything, I'm so sorry."
"Baby, don't you apologize for a thing. You have done nothing wrong. You don't have to be sorry for anything, okay?" Nicky tenderly commanded, wrapping her arms tighter around the smaller girl and pressing a comforting kiss atop her head. "I have to worry about this, it's not okay. This is not okay, sweet girl. I need you to tell me who's bullying you, yeah? I refuse to let this continue. You're my sweet Lorna, now, I can't let anyone torment you."
"I-I just—Nicky, I don't want you to do anything that could hurt you. Please don't make me say who it is. I don't want you to be upset."
Nicky sighed softly, taking Lorna's head and placing it onto her chest. She rested her chin comfortingly over the top of her head while running a hand delicately through her brown waves. "See this is why I'm fucking sick to my stomach to know that you're being bullied. You're the fucking sweetest person I've ever met. I'm not upset, baby, not with you. Not because of you. Nothing is because of you, okay? I'm upset and angry that I didn't fucking figure this out sooner. That I wasn't there for you sooner, to protect you and keep you safe from all these other assholes in this shitty goddamn high school."
"It's really fine, Nicky. Please, let's just—can we just pretend this didn't happen and go back to being happy? I thought ya said we would skip morning classes today so we could hang out?"
The redhead silently grumbled; she didn't like the idea of just pretending everything was okay when it surely wasn't. However, she didn't want to risk the friendship they had so she reluctantly found herself nodding her head. "It isn't fine at all, kid. And I'm not okay with pretending it is," she started, framing her hands gently around Lorna's face. "But I did promise you we'd skip class this morning, so, let's go down to the nurses' office and get an excuse real fast. I'm not gonna forget about this conversation, Lorna. I just don't want to fight over it, because I can see how badly you need a friend and an escape from whatever else must be going on."
"Come on, ma, please just write us a note to get outta class this morning. I promise I won't bother ya for the resta the week if ya do this," Nicky all but begged the middle-aged, Russian, nurse.
Nurse Reznikov sucked in a deep breath, turning to focus her attention on the two teenagers who now occupied her office. She lowered her glasses and searched around her desk for excuse slips. "What is it that's so important that you need to skip class today?"
Nicky shrugged her shoulders and just looked up at the woman with an innocent gleam in her eyes. "Please? I mean there's not much going on in class today, it's not like we'll miss anything. It's just one time. What's the harm?"
The Russian woman slightly turned her head to glance at the younger teen. She narrowed her glasses. "What reason do you have to skip class? Has Nicky put ya up to this?" She wondered, looking her over meticulously. The brunette wasn't a student who she imagined would even consider skipping classes. However, being a high school nurse, nothing surprised her anymore.
"Uh, I, um, ya know—just a boring class," Lorna sputtered out, her cheeks flushing a faint pink. She never was good at lying, she knew. Her mother had always been able to tell when she wasn't being truthful with her words. It wasn't only the stuttering that would get her caught but also the way the skin of her cheeks would blush a pale pink color.
Nodding, Nurse Reznikov slowly reached into the drawer of her desk for a notepad and placed it on the top surface. She knew the younger girl wasn't being completely honest, however, she didn't feel like fighting the pair on this. She wrote out two excuses and handed them to each of them. Narrowing her glasses once more, she looked the pair over with a stern glance. "I have excused you both for your two morning classes since you have a doctor's appointment. This is it, don't ask me for another excuse for the rest of the month," she informed them.
The teens sat in Nicky's car as she drove them out of the school parking lot in lieu of their local coffee shop. Lorna held onto the handle that sat right above the passenger door while staring over at the redhead with piquing curiosity. "I didn't know ya had a car or driver's license," she pointed out, her eyes moving towards the dashboard and out the window, watching as they passed the entrance to the school and entered onto the freeway.
Nicky couldn't help but chuckle at the comment. She used one hand to steer the wheel and the other she placed on the arm rest that was situated in between the two seats. "Guess it pays to have a mother who puts her career first all the time—Marka pretty much threw money in my hands to get my license, so she didn't have to drive me to school anymore," the words came out with a slightly bitter after-tone to it. Mother was a title she didn't believe Marka Nichols deserved.
"Ya don't get along with your mom?" It stung a bit to say the word mom so soon after her own's passing. She had to really bite down on her tongue to keep her emotions in check.
The redhead shook her head with another small chuckle. Didn't get along would be an understatement, she told herself. "Not even close, kid. But that's just fine with me, I'm happily independent."
Lorna felt a pang in her heart for her friend. She couldn't imagine not having a close and loving relationship with her mother. She cherished every last second of the time she spent with her dearly loved mom. She swallowed roughly and the two remained rather silent for the rest of the drive. Her eyes focused on the scenery in front of them; she felt a slight rush of adrenaline—skipping classes wasn't something she ever did before, it gave her quite the rush.
The scent of coffee seeped out from beneath the entrance of the shop. Lorna smiled at the smell as she followed behind the taller woman inside the door. Coffee brought her a strong sense of comfort, especially now after the loss of her mother. Just its scent alone made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside as if it was Stansie Morello's way of telling her she's okay now. She stood next to Nicky, waiting in the line with her. There weren't too many people ahead, but it gave her enough time to figure out the coffee she was going to order.
Once they got up the counter, Lorna realized the barista on the other side just happened to be her older sister. She gulped and shifted her legs uncomfortably. The last thing she needed was for Franny to catch her skipping school. The palms of her hand became clammy with sweat; she hoped her sister wouldn't notice her.
"Yeah, hi, what can I get—Lorna? What are you doing here?"
Lorna swallowed anxiously, focusing her attention inside of her purse as she dug around for her wallet. She should have known there was no chance she could blend into the crowd of people so that the older woman wouldn't recognize her. "Just here to get a coffee for school," was her quick response that she hoped her sister would believe.
Franny folded her arms over her chest and stared across at her with a firm stare. Though her physical form may have shown some anger, on the inside it hadn't really bothered her to see her teenage sister there instead of in school. She knew it was an awful idea for Lorna to go back to school only a day after their mother's funeral. It flustered her to no end what their father was doing to her sister—that she had no control over it anymore. She sighed and nodded.
"What can I get you?"
The younger brunette grabbed a five-dollar bill from her purse and gestured her hand between both herself and Nicky. "I'll just get a vanilla latte with skim milk and my friend, Nicky, would like a black coffee, please," the words rushed out of her without any hesitation as she handed the money over to her sister. A bout of relief washed over her; she was thankful Franny didn't say anything more on the matter of her skipping class.
Once the two girls received their respective coffees, they went back to sit in Nicky's car. Lorna sipped her coffee savoringly and gazed over towards the other, a small smile on her face. She hadn't realized what a thrill it was to get a break from classes and just get away from it all for a while.
Nicky felt the other's eyes on hers and turned to stare back. "Thanks for the coffee, kid," she said, gratefully taking a sip of the much-needed caffeine latent drink. "So, that girl at the coffee shop—how do ya know her? Is she your sister or somethin'?"
"That's Franny, my older sister. I didn't even know she worked there," Lorna responded, taking another sip of her coffee.
The redhead nodded, intrigued by her answer. The more she got to know Lorna, the more she realized just how fascinated she was by her. "Are the two a you not close? Ya think she's gonna tell your parents about this?"
"We're close, she just has her own apartment now with her son, so I don't see her often. I doubt she will—she and my dad don't get along." Which was a strong understatement Lorna knew—Mr. Morello and Franny couldn't even handle being in the same room let alone get along. She silently sighed, longing for the days before her mother's cancer diagnoses. The days where her family was family. But, deep down, she realized those days were long gone and would never be back.
Chapter Text
Chapter Nine
The rest of the day flew by much to Lorna's dismay. She loathed the thought of going home just to deal with her father's wrath. Yet, she knew she had no other choice, so she grabbed her bookbag from her locker and started on the path towards the school entrance. She was so heavily enthralled in her mind that she hadn't noticed anyone walking beside her until she heard a voice call out to her.
Nicky placed a comforting hand over on her shoulder to get her attention; she looked at her with soft brown eyes. "You walk really fast, ya know that kid? I'm outta breath just tryna catch up to ya," she informed her with a friendly chuckle.
Lorna finally stopped and turned her attention onto the redhead beside her. She put on a smile, even though on the inside she couldn't stop the anxiety from building up. "Sorry, I didn't realize you were following me," was her sheepish response. Inwardly, she sighed and wished she had time to chat with her new friend. Wished she could spare a minute of her time with someone who brought so much joy and fun but knew if she returned home even a second late, her father would find a way to make her regret it.
"I thought I'd see if ya wanna hang out this afternoon, yeah? We could do that stupid math assignment together even though I hate math—I'm tryna to not fail for once."
The brunette felt her heart slightly flutter at the inquiry. Oh, how she longed to agree to that. How she wanted nothing more than to hang out with her friend and enjoy a fun evening. But that just wasn't in the cards for her, she swallowed uncomfortably. The repercussions such a choice would have was enough for her to not give in. She reached over and gave a friendly pat to the taller girl's shoulder before shaking her head sadly.
"I really wish I could, Nicky, but I gotta get home so I can help my dad. Maybe another time?" She suggested even though the chances of her ever being allowed to spend time with anyone outside of the house was slim to none. Her optimistic nature still had her hopeful that there would be another time.
Nicky didn't completely buy the other's excuse; she could sense there was more to her words, but she only smiled and nodded. "Another time, kid, yes. I'll see ya tomorrow."
The walk home was treacherous with almost a foot of snow, but it didn't bother Lorna. It gave her time to think—to prepare for what she could possibly walk into when she opened the door of her house. She slowly made her way up the stairs of the porch and reached for the knob to turn so that the door would open. At least there was no obvious sounds of yelling or sight of things being thrown about. She carefully entered inside and shut the door behind her.
"Stansie, is that you?"
Hearing her father say that immediately had Lorna's eyebrows furrowing above her eyes. She gradually walked in the direction of where it seemed Mr. Morello's voice was coming from. When she caught sight of him half-naked on the side of his bed in the master bedroom surrounded by a pile of empty beer bottles, she felt a wave of nausea come over her. She shielded her eyes but tapped quietly on the frame of the door.
"It-it's me dad, me Lorna. I'm home from school. Mom's not here anymore," she muttered, her voice nearly shaking from fear. She wasn't sure what was going on with her father but from the sight, it couldn't be anything good.
"Shut up, Lorna, I know your mother's not here. She's dead. And now I'm fucking stuck with you. What the hell good is a little fourteen-year-old girl gonna do me, huh?"
Dead. That word didn't sit well with her, she felt uncomfortable hearing it and shook her head. No, she told herself, her mom wasn't dead—she was just away on business. For an undisclosed length of time. She backed away slightly, her anxiety flaring up by the second. How drunk was her father? By the look in his eyes, he was definitely plastered. And that, she knew, was never a good sign.
She backed away another few steps, trying to get away from the terrible wrench of alcohol that seemed to seep from her father's bedroom. Oh, God, was it awful. It made her stomach even queasier. "I, uh, I gotta go do my homework," she mumbled turning to run upstairs.
Mr. Morello shook his head and took a rough grab of her arm, pulling her back. "I don't care what kinda homework ya have to do, you have chores you need to do first," he spat, his alcohol reeked breath pouring out with each word.
"What chores? I already cleaned the kitchen before I left this morning," she pointed out with a shaky voice. Her dad's grip made her uncomfortable and uneasy. He'd acted weird before, but this was something completely different. She wasn't sure how this was going to end.
He chuckled, pulling her back to his bedroom. "I'm not talkin' bout those chores, Lorna, I'm talkin' bout my bedroom chores." The look in his eyes was a darkness she never thought possible.
She felt everything in her tense as she began to realize what his intentions were. There was an intense amount of fear within her, but she pushed it aside and used the small amount of strength she had left to push herself out of her father's grasp and ran out of the room, up the stairs to her own room. She locked the door and dragged her tall dresser over in front of the door.
Her legs were numb, almost noodle-like beneath her, but she was able to use them to get herself into her closet. She crouched down on the floor and shut the door. It took everything she had to not break then and there. That man down there—that wasn't the father she remembered. The father she loved and adored as a young tike. The father who would make mickey mouse pancakes on the weekends and take her to the doctor when she fell from a tree. That man down there was a stranger to her. He was full of hatred and evil now, she sadly realized.
She sat there in a crouched position for what seemed like decades but when she flipped open her phone, it showed that she only sat there for ten minutes. Her legs finally stopped trembling and her fingers instinctively dialed the number that belonged to her sister; she put the phone up to her ear and waited through the rings for the other line to finally pick up.
"Yeah, Lorna, what's up?" Franny's voice sounded through the other side of the phone, her toddler son screaming in the background. "I need to get Marco bathed before he breaks all the damn windows with his yelling."
"I, uh, I—Franny?" The petite brunette mumbled, not wanting her voice to be too loud. She fixated her eyes on the pattern of the closet door before her.
Even though her son's tantrum was causing frustration to overpower her, the faint sound of trepidation in Lorna's voice quickly wiped away the irritation. She sighed, reaching for her mug of tea that sat on the end table and took a sip. "Everything okay, Lorn?"
"I want to move outta this house, Fran. I don't know how much more I can take it here," the brunette pleaded. Every word she spoke was true; she couldn't handle living under the same roof as her father for much longer. She had no idea what that man could be capable of those days, especially with the amount of alcohol he seemed to drown himself in. The more alcohol he consumed, the more bizarre the behavior he exhibited.
Franny sensed the building anxiety in the other's tone and grew worried. She put the squirmy toddler down and focused all of her attention on her sister. "What's going on? Are you okay? You know I want nothing more than to have you move in with me," she informed her, eyes full of sorrow and frustration at the situation. She hated that the younger girl was stuck living with their abusive father and all she could do was sit back and watch.
Lorna swallowed thickly. She traced her finger around the wooden pattern on the door in front of her. She huffed out an exasperated breath. "Why can't I just come live with ya? Please? I just I need outta here. Dad's always drunk and, and, it-it scares me, Franny."
"Dad's your legal guardian, you're only fifteen…that would be considered running away and we could get into legal trouble. Believe me, Lorn, I don't want ya in that house with him either, I just don't know what to do. Did he do something to ya?"
"He was half naked and drunk and I ran up to my room because I don't know what he was gonna do. I-I'm scared of him. All he does is drink and he's always so angry," Lorna pointed out. She shuttered at the memory. The nausea began to intensify once more at the thought of what may have happened had she not frisked her way up to her room.
Franny gulped. Hearing that caused an uneasy sensation to form over her. She placed a hand on her forehead, rubbing her temples. She couldn't imagine what their father was planning to do her younger sister. "Oh, Lorna," she whispered, feeling her heart aching for the poor naïve teenager. "I'll come get ya from school tomorrow and you'll spend the weekend with Marco and me. I'll figure out what to do about dad later."
Entering the school building the next morning came as a relief to Lorna. Most people would rather stay home and slack off, but school gave her the much-needed time away from her drunken father. She could finally breathe without feeling as though she was suffocating. She felt the walls finally moving apart when she walked inside the school towards her locker. A place that she could focus her mind elsewhere, even if it was for just a few hours each day. The relief she felt was an anomaly she couldn't fully explain.
It only took a matter of minutes for she to reach her locker. She grabbed her morning books from within before shutting the door. When she turned around to start heading to her first class, her eyes were caught off guard when they landed on Annalisa standing right in front of her. She felt a lump in her throat, her legs shifted in their positions.
"What's crazy Lorna doing with her books? Heading to class, are ya?"
The other's voice brought a shiver to her spine. Lorna inhaled deeply and tried to figure out how to get past her without any further issues. She didn't have time or energy to deal with a bully. "Yeah, please just leave me alone. I just wanna get to class so I can sit and read my book," was her silent plea.
Annalisa snickered, not budging an inch. She reached her hands across to snatch the book on the top of the pile and read the title of it with a snarky smirk on her face. "Cancer? The hell's with you and cancer? You're obsessed with cancer, crazy Lorna," she teased ruthlessly, holding the book up in front of the shorter girl as if to taunt her.
"Please just give me my book," the brunette muttered, her face red with embarrassment. She bowed her head slightly, not wanting to see if anyone around them was watching. Nothing could ever just go smoothly for her. She sighed. Exhaustion was beginning to catch up with her; dealing with a-not-so pleasant father at home and Annalisa at school was certainly having a negative tole on her.
"Aw, ya want this book back?" The blonde retorted. "Here," she stated, lifting the book up over her head and tossing it as far as she could. A chortle escaped her as she saw it land halfway down the hall. "Go get it, miss I love cancer!" She pushed Lorna roughly as if to give her a head-start towards the direction of the book she threw.
Chapter Text
Chapter Ten
As soon as she made it into the classroom, after nearly running down the hallway to retrieve her book, it was right about time for the bell to ring for the first period to start. Her heart still pounded rapidly in her chest as she recovered from the exertion of the running she had just done. She reached her hands up to massage at her temples. She was wrapped up in her mind so much so that she hadn't noticed another's presence until she saw a piece of paper being placed on the desk in front of her.
Brown eyes moved up to land on the paper lying on the metal surface. A small lump formed in her stomach to see an F in big letters written on the last quiz she took. With everything going on in her family the past several years, Lorna knew that her grades were slipping tremendously and that paper only continued to prove such a point. She swallowed thickly, knowing if her father found out about it that she'd be in for a world of hurt.
"I need you to stay after class, Lorna. We need to discuss your grade," Mrs. Bell informed her in a lower tone so no other students heard the conversation. She finished passing out the other quizzes before going back to the front of the room and preparing the board with that day's notes.
Forty-five minutes passed by in the blink of an eye. Lorna shifted her legs back and forth while watching all of her classmates file out of the door. She waited for several silent moments as Mrs. Bell shuffled a pile of papers in the front of the room; each passing minute filling her with another ounce of anxiety. All she hoped was that the school didn't call her father to tell him how awful she was doing.
Placing her glasses over her eyes, the middle-aged teacher glanced up from her desk and motioned for Lorna to come over. As soon as she felt the young girl's presence beside her, she opened the gradebook and pointed down at it. "You see that? Your overall grade in here is a 48%. 48%. Do you know what that means, Miss Morello?"
A 48%. A 48%? Lorna's eyes were wide as she focused them on the small number below. She had a feeling her grade wasn't the best but she surely wasn't expecting it to be a measly 48%. She knew exactly what that meant and dreaded how her dad would react whenever he found out. "I have a 48%? That's real bad," shock made up the majority of her tone.
"A 48% is failing. You are failing my class, Lorna, and I'm going to have to call home. You only have a few weeks to get that grade up or else you will have to repeat ninth grade. Is that what you want?"
Lorna timidly shook her head in response. The last thing she wanted was to have to spend an entire another year in this school. She longed for the day she graduated so she could finally move as far away from her father as possible, and not have to deal with people like Annalisa anymore.
"I'd prefer it if ya didn't call home, please. I promise I will work harder to get that grade up, I really don't wanna repeat a year," she quietly responded, anxiety clearly evident on her flushed face.
Mrs. Bell sighed. She knew something had to be done in order for her student to improve her grades but by the look on the other's face, she quickly sensed the faint fear hidden in her voice. "Fine, I'll give you a week to start working on your grade. And I also want you to meet with the school counselor. If you do both of those things then I won't call home. But you must have the counselor give you a written slip to give to me each day as proof."
Lorna used her lunch block as the designated time to meet with the counselor. It killed two birds with one stone, she thought. Gave her a chance to get out of her least favorite part of the day as well. She nervously pulled on the knob to open the door and felt a small bout of relief to find that no one was in there. She took a seat in one of the chairs, focused her stare on the stained-glass window. A sense of comfort it gave her; she remembered the many Sunday's she spent in church with her mother and all the beautiful stained-glass windows that surrounded them.
Several minutes went by as she sat there in her thoughts. The door finally creaked open and she turned her gaze towards it. A slightly taller, middle-aged, Hispanic woman came walking in with what looked like an empty lunch bag in her hands. She watched as the woman placed the bag in the drawer of her desk before situating herself in the chair behind her.
"Hello," the counselor finally greeted her with a friendly smile. "I don't remember anyone mentioning I'd be meeting with you today. You're Lorna Morello, no?"
"Yes. Sorry I didn't know I needed an appointment—my science teacher just told me she wants me to meet with you every day for the next week." She hugged her hands together as a way to soothe her nerves. Her eyes were kept down on her thighs where she rested her hands. She wasn't too sure what the purpose of meeting this counselor was going to do in regard to her grades, but if it meant avoiding her father being called she would do anything.
Nodding, the older woman arched her eyebrows. "Hmm, who's your science teacher? I'm surprised she didn't let me know ahead of time. I like to be organized before meeting with a student. But that's okay, we'll figure this out," she informed her, grabbing a pair of reading glasses from one of the drawers.
"Mrs. Bell."
"Ah, okay, yes—it looks she did email me," the Hispanic woman noted while scrolling on her computer through the emails. Her eyes skimmed through the message for a few minutes before looking back over at Lorna. "So, it sounds like she's concerned with your performance in her class. Yeah?"
Lorna nodded solemnly. Her hands felt clammy with nervous sweat. "Uh, yeah, that's right."
"Okay, we can work on how to change that. No need to worry just yet. Oh, and I'm Mrs. Mendoza, I forgot to introduce myself—I'm good at that," a chuckle escaped her as she said that, she tended to not always remember to state her name ahead of time.
That response immediately had some of Lorna's stress and anxiety dissipate. It even had a faint smile form on her face. Maybe meeting with Mrs. Mendoza wouldn't be such a bad thing, she told herself. "Is it possible for me to not be failing her class in under a week?"
"I think we can aim for that—to pass you'll need to get your grade at the minimum up to a 60%. But why don't we take some time to figure out how your grade got as low as it did in the first place, yeah?"
"I guess I just got lazy and just, uh, let the assignments pile up." Lorna responded with an on-the-spot lie. Lying had become second nature to her at that point. Though she knew the lies were only to comfort herself and keep all the yucky emotions from trying to control her. She squeezed her hands together in her lap, a repetitive motion that seemed to always calm her anxiety.
Being a school counselor for almost two decades now, Mrs. Mendoza easily could perceive when a student wasn't being completely honest with her. She reached for her mug and tea kettle, pouring the hot water into the mug. She carefully placed the kettle back in its spot before grabbing a tea bag from a box on the right of her computer and placed it inside the steaming cup of water.
She steeped the bag methodically around the water while her eyes peered across at Lorna. "If that were truly the case, would ya be working to reverse it?"
Lorna shrugged. She reached one hand up to place atop her temple. "I just wanna know what I can do to get a passing grade," she murmured, frustration starting to set in. Was all this really worth avoiding her father's wrath? Sure, it wouldn't be a pretty sight but it also probably wouldn't last much longer than a few hours of being screamed and berated at. Which, in all actuality, she was leaning more towards allowing her father to find out and getting that over with than to go through this long process of figuring out how to approach bettering her school performance.
"Why don't you ask Mrs. Bell for a copy of all the assignments that you're missing? Tomorrow we'll take a look at that and go from there."
The end of the school day came and Lorna realized she hadn't talked to Nicky at all or even seen her in the halls. Of course, it was equally possible that she might not have even noticed if the two had crossed paths at a point throughout the day. Her mind was so focused on her failing grades that she was oblivious to anything else that may have been going on.
She quickly went to her locker to retrieve her bookbag and replaced the books she didn't need. A hand was placed on her shoulder from behind which immediately caused her to jump a tad bit. She turned around to see who the hand belonged to, giving a small laugh when she realized it was Nicky. "Ya gave me a little freight there, Nicky. But glad to see ya, it's been a long day," she informed with a smile.
Nicky chuckled with a friendly pat on the shoulder. "I'm good at making ya jump, yeah?" She said jokingly as the two of them started walking towards the entrance of the building.
The brunette shrugged slightly but continued walking beside her down the hallway. "I was just thinking and not paying attention but yeah you're a pro at making me jump," she responded with a light laugh to convey that her words were only meant in a joking manner. Once they made their way outside of the building, sunshine immediately hit them in the face. Such a sensation formed a small smile on Lorna's face.
"That happy to be done with school for the day, huh kid?"
Lorna didn't realize exactly how true that statement was until now. Leaving that godforsaken building for the weekend certainly brought a little bit of happiness to her. It wasn't just because she would get a break from Annalisa but she also wouldn't have to worry about her grades for a few days. So, she nodded and answered with, "I am real happy that it's the weekend."
The two friends made their way through the school parking lot stopping halfway. Nicky turned to peer at the brunette. "Wanna come over and hang out tonight since it's Friday?" She longed for the other girl to agree, not only because she was intrigued by her but it would also give her the company that she so craved. Yet, she had a hunch that her response would be the opposite of what she was hoping for.
"My sista is actually picking me up today, but maybe I can meet ya at the coffee shop tomorrow? It's just downa street from my sista's place," Lorna suggested. She wanted to say yes but knew Franny would be expecting her and didn't want to cause her any worry.
Although the response wasn't entirely what she had longed for, it was enough to form a smile on Nicky's face. She nodded with a little more enthusiasm than was usual for her. She felt like a different person entirely around Lorna; something she recently became aware of. There was so much she had yet to learn about the petite brunette and she yearned to know every last thing there was to know.
"Sounds like a plan to me, kid. You can just text me and let me know what time, yeah?"
"Yeah, I'll do that," Lorna nodded with a smile before the two parted ways.
She walked the other way, searching all the cars until she caught sight of her sister's. It only took a few minutes of walking until she came across the vehicle. The sound of her little nephew's crying confirmed such. She quickly got into the passenger side, placing her bookbag on the ground beside her feet and fastened her seatbelt. Her nephew's crying slowly faded into sniffles as the car began moving.
"Marco has been crying nonstop all day—the only time he stops is when I'm driving," Franny admitted, exhaustion easily made out in her voice. She reached her free hand up to her forehead and rubbed at her temples. Nothing would bring the three-year-old any comfort; she was fatigued and at her wit-ends. She sighed, hoping that having Lorna there might help.
Lorna turned slightly to glance back at the unhappy little boy. She reached her hand over to pat his cheek gently. "What's the matter?"
He looked back at her with a pout and held up his favorite cup. "No juice?"
The brunette teenager carefully took the cup from him and quickly realized it was empty. She couldn't stop herself from gazing over at her older sister with a chuckle. "Hmm, I think we may have found the problem—his sippy cup needs some juice, Fran." When she saw the expression on the other's face, she had to cover her mouth to stifle her laughs.
With an exasperated breath of air, Franny pointed to the juice box that sat in one of the cup holders. She shook her head in disbelief. All of this crying when he could have just told her he needed more to drink. She facepalmed herself. "You've been upset all day over your cup not having juice? Why didn't ya just tell mommy? We could have fixed this hours ago."
Marco happily took his cup back from his aunt, chugging the juice with a smile. His blue eyes peeped up at his mother and he only shrugged his shoulders.
Chapter Text
Chapter Eleven
"So, Lorn, how's school going?" Franny wondered as she stood in the kitchen preparing dinner. She grabbed a pot from beneath the counter and brought a can of crushed tomatoes, that was opened seconds earlier, to pour into it. Her blue eyes peered over at the other girl, who was busy fixing a fresh pot of coffee. She watched her closely—trying to figure out if anything physically was off with her. Ever since she left their childhood home, the fear and worry she held for her sister's wellbeing intensified.
While placing a few heaping tablespoons of freshly ground coffee into the filter, Lorna stared across the room at her sister with an indecipherable expression on her face. She decided against sharing any of the information on her grades or bully, instead choosing to focus on the new friendship she seemed to be forming. "It's okay, I guess. I kinda been talking a lot to my new friend, Nicky."
Franny nodded with a kind smile. She was relieved to hear that some things in the younger girl's life were turning around in a positive manner. "She's the girl who you were at the coffee shop with, huh? I'm glad ya seem to be making friends, that's good for ya." Her hand reached for a spoon from a drawer; she brought it back over to the pot of heating sauce and used it to stir in the ingredients.
"Yeah, she's real nice and fun to hang out with. Would it be okay if I meet her at that coffee shop tomorrow? Dad never lets me do anything other than chores so I never really get to see Nicky outside a school," Lorna asked, grabbing a mug from the cabinet right above where the coffee pot sat. She took out a carton of creamer from the fridge and placed it beside her mug.
"As long as ya get your schoolwork done, that's fine. I know dad's been a real jerk for the past year and I'm so sorry, hon." Franny covered the sauce with a lid and lowered the heat.
Lorna nodded in response. The coffee finished percolating, so, she took the vessel from the machine and poured it into her mug. She placed the vessel back in its spot before retrieving a spoon to mix the cream and coffee together. "Don't worry, Fran, I'll go work on my assignments now while I have my coffee."
Sitting out on the small balcony off the living room, albeit chilly, Lorna placed her coffee on the small table and pulled up her bookbag. She unzipped it to retrieve her notebook. The notebook she finally started using to write all of the assignments she needed to finish in it. She exhaled slowly, flipping through to see what was first on her to-do list. Getting a passing grade was her main priority; she refused to spend a whole entire other year in that god-awful high school.
There were only five assignments written on the paper in front of her, however, just seeing them in her face like such overwhelmed her tremendously. She grumbled in frustration, setting the notebook aside on the table and reaching for her coffee. She took a sip of the steaming liquid, watching as a few birds sat on the brim of the balcony. The sight mesmerized her for several long moments; she almost forgot what the purpose for her sitting out there was.
But then the wind blew and the birds flew away. Lorna came back to reality and glared in frustration at her notebook. She loathed the idea of starting on the daunting task of completing her many assignments. Though, if she didn't want to repeat ninth grade, she had to suck it up and get to work. She opened the book back up, deciding to start on her study-guide first.
It was a couple hours later when she was halted from her homework by the vibration of her phone going off. She set her assignment aside, taking her phone from her pocket and clicking on the talk button. "Hello?" Her voice greeted into the receiver, she hadn't checked the caller ID and was curious to know who'd been calling her.
"Hey, uh, kid," Nicky's voice responded on the other line.
However, something seemed off with her tone, Lorna quickly observed. She was a bit surprised that the girl called her but glad as well. "Hi, Nicky. I was just finishing up my homework—glad ya called, do ya wanna still meetup for coffee tomorrow?"
The redhead on the other side of the phone swallowed a lump. There was some unfortunate news she had to share with her friend and hearing that question only worsened the anguish she felt. "Course' I wanna, but um—I may be moving outta town tomorrow afternoon, that's kinda why I called ya, kid."
Lorna nearly choked mid sip of her coffee. "Moving outta town? Like permanently? Why—how come?"
"My lovely mother, Marka, is fed up with me so she wants to ship me to my father. And he lives all the way across town. Believe me, kid, I don't wanna move but I ain't got much of a choice in the matter. Honestly, I don't think my father will even show up to get me tomorrow."
She could hear the sadness in Nicky's voice and it broke her heart. She knew exactly what it was like to not be wanted by a parent and it caused her heart to ache to recognize that her friend was suffering through a similar situation now. "I-I'm sorry, hon. We could see if there's any apartments for rent around here, we could be roommates and that way ya wouldn't have to go live with your dad."
Although she felt completely depleted at that moment, Nicky couldn't resist from laughing at Lorna's suggestion. "Aw, kid, that would definitely be nice but, uh, I don't think any landlord would rent to a couple a teenagers, yeah? We couldn't afford to live in our own apartment right now. I really appreciate your effort, Lorna, but it wouldn't be doable."
"I didn't really think that through. I wish there was something I could do to help. I don't want ya to have to move."
Nicky smiled sadly, holding the phone tight against her ear. "Don't worry, kid, everything will be fine. Even if I do have to go live with my dad, I'll keep in touch with ya. And find a way to move back there. But I just wanted to give ya heads-up in case he actually does show up tomorrow."
"I'll call ya every day to check on ya, Nicky. Do ya wanna meetup today in case ya do move tomorrow? I finished most of my work so I'm sure my sista will be okay if I go out for a bit."
"Ya know what, kid? That sounds like a great idea. We can still meet at that coffee shop, my friend Alex is working tonight and she'll let us stay a little past closing time," the redhead stated, a smile slightly forming on her face at the thought. Spending time with Lorna was the perfect antidote for the anxiety she had been exhibiting at the moment.
The walk from Franny's apartment to the coffee shop only took fifteen minutes. It was just starting to get dark outside, the sun nearly set down the horizon. Lorna entered into the building, welcomed by the aroma of strong coffee. She caught sight of the familiar redhead standing at the sales counter and hurriedly made her way up to her.
"So, yeah, I really hope my father forgets to come tomorrow. He's always had an excuse not to see me before so I don't see why he would show up tomorrow," Nicky was saying to the black-haired barista behind the counter. The sound of footsteps caught her attention and had her head turn in their direction; her eyes landed on her petite brunette friend. Seeing her brought a smile to her face.
Lorna waved her hand at the other with a warm grin. "Hi, Nicky—sorry it took me so long, the walk from my sista's was a little longer than I thought."
The redhead studied her features intently, making sure every inch of Lorna's face was ingrained into her brain. In case she did end up moving across town the next day, she wanted to make sure she always remembered her friend's features. Yet, had she not taken that time to study them, she knew the girl had a face she could never forget even if she wanted to. Although the two had only become close in the past month, Lorna already had a very special place in Nicky's heart.
"Ya walked here? It's getting dark outside, kid, probably not the safest idea. I'll drive ya back after," Nicky stated, not giving her a choice in the matter. She placed her satchel on the countertop and searched through for her wallet. Her eyes peered back at the brunette. "What kinda coffee ya want, kid?"
"Um, I'll get that cinnamon toast crunch latte please."
Nicky nodded and ordered herself her usual plain coffee. After both of them were handed their drinks, she led them over to a table near the window. She situated herself in the stool across from the brunette and took a rather large sip of her bold-flavored coffee. Her hands covered over both temples, rubbing at them to stop the forming headache in its tracks.
"So, how are ya feeling?" The brunette questioned, sipping her latte and watching her friend with empathetic eyes. She related quite a bit to her situation in that her own father couldn't bare to look at her without some degrading remark or another.
"I'm really hoping my father doesn't come tomorrow. I don't wanna move away from here, I already got friends and shit." Nicky sipped her coffee and inwardly grumbled. The thought of packing up her items, leaving behind her two close friends, and the one person who cared for her better than both of her parents put together did—it was all way too much for her.
Lorna watched with concerned eyes; it was easily noticeable the apprehension that Nicky's body language seemed to be exhibiting. She cautiously reached a over to place atop the older teen's. "Is your dad nice at least?" She questioned, hoping that her friend's father wasn't anywhere as cruel as her own. She didn't want anyone to suffer that kind of pain.
"Hell if I know, kid," the redhead responded with the shrug of her shoulders. The sensation of Lorna's hand over her own brought a comfort she never realized she needed. She sighed, wanting nothing more than to go back to before her mother decided to up and throw her out with her deadbeat father. "I can't even remember the last time my father and I were in the same room together."
"I—I'm sorry, Nicky." Empathy took over her facial features at that point. Lorna used her thumb to soothingly stroke around the other's knuckles. She hoped that everything would work out in their favor.
Nicky gave a sad smile and shook her head slightly. "Don't be, kid. I still have hopeful doubts that he just won't come—he was always good at coming up with excuses to not spend his weekends with me when I was younger so why change now, yeah?" She gulped her bold beverage, letting her eyes stare blankly ahead at the framed painting on the wall at the front of the building. The last time she remembered seeing her father was right before she started middle school. She exhaled a rather large breath of air, using her hands to massage at her temples.
The brunette kept her thumb stroking softly at Nicky's knuckles. She wasn't entirely sure what to respond with but felt her heart aching for the older girl's hidden pain. "That must be real hard, hon."
"Honestly? I stopped caring years ago, kid. Can't miss what ya don't have, yeah?" Nicky grabbed a cigarette from her pocket.
Lorna swallowed thickly as she watched her friend light the cigarette she just grabbed hold of. She stopped the motion around her knuckles and instead wrapped Nicky's hand in her own. It wasn't hard for her to miss the faint tears that looked ready to spill out of the other's eyes. "Is there anything I can do for ya, Nicky?"
With a sad chuckle, Nicky took a puff of the cigarette between her fingers and let out a breath of smoky air. "You're already doing it, kid. Just sitting here having coffee with ya is perfect. How about we talk about something else, though? My dead-beat parents aren't the most pleasurable topic."
Hearing that only strengthened the empathy Lorna felt for her; her brown eyes peered intensely across the table at her friend. She longed to be there for her, to help her through the uncertainty of the situation. "Sure, what do ya wanna talk about?" She knew all too well how easy it was to ignore the actual problem and didn't feel it was her place to persuade Nicky otherwise.
"What assignments were ya workin' on? Anything good?"
Lorna sipped the rest of her coffee and shook her head. "Just some stuff for my science class, pretty boring honestly. I just wanna be an adult already so I can live on my own and not have to work on these dumb assignments anymore."
"You're funny, ya know that?" Nicky chuckled, tapping the butt of her cigarette against the edge of the table. "That's what I want too, though. To be an adult so I can move the hell away from Marka and not have to answer to anyone."
Chapter Text
Chapter Twelve
The two teens sat in Nicky's car, after another hour of chatting in the shop, in a comfortable silence for several moments. Nicky put the key in ignition and turned the car on but didn't start driving. Instead, she turned to look at Lorna. She studied her closely. Something about the petite brunette made her heart flutter. She loathed that tomorrow could possibly have her leaving her behind. The longer she kept her gaze on Lorna's face, the stronger her emotions and feelings grew.
Lorna sensed the older girl's eyes on her; she lifted her head from the brim of the window to face her. She peered deeply into her eyes, trying to read what she was feeling. There was a glimmer of pain that was almost unnoticeable but she saw it right away. It had her instinctively reaching her hands over to place on each of her cheeks. She observed her methodically; there was a vulnerable part of her that she could tell Nicky hadn't liked to share with anyone.
"Are you okay, hon?" The question was murmured softly as Lorna gazed strongly into her friend's brown eyes.
Nicky gradually inched her face closer to hers. She didn't want to think about anything, only wanted to be present right then and there with the friend that she quickly realized her feelings for may have gone a bit beyond friendship. She placed her hands on top of Lorna's smaller ones. "I'm okay, kid," she answered, her voice breathy and hushed. The kindness, caring, that Lorna showed her only deepened the feelings that were forming within her.
Having the other's breath on her had goosebumps form on Lorna's arms and legs. It wasn't an uncomfortable sensation, but it certainly wasn't something she was used to either. "Are ya sure though? Ya don't wanna talk about—"
To stop her from finishing the inquiry, Nicky leaned her face even closer towards Lorna's and gradually brushed her lips overtop of hers. She kept her hands held warmly over the brunette's as she stroked their lips together in a deeper, longer, kiss. Having her lips pressed onto her friend's felt rather natural to her. It seemed as though the two of them had locked lips plenty of times before.
Lorna was at a loss for words. She certainly was not expecting that. Yet, she didn't regret it for even a second. Her lips tingled in delight from the soft, warm, feeling of having Nicky's pushed against them. They craved more but she refrained from moving even an inch. She didn't know what to think or better yet knew exactly what she 'should' think but felt repelled by such thought. Her family being raised on strict Catholic morals, it was heavily engrained in her brain that being romantic with another girl was an abomination to the lord. She should be pushing herself as far away from the redhead as possible but she didn't agree with the majority of things she was brought up learning.
The pair sat in silence for several moments, both still holding each other's gazes.
"So, that was a lot better than talking about my mundane parents—what do ya say, kid?" Nicky was the first to break the silence. A playful, soft, smirk formed on her face; she knew from a young age that she was properly into women. However, she did not expect that kiss to happen so suddenly. That kiss made her feel something she hadn't felt in a long time—hopeful.
"Uh, yeah," the brunette whispered, lips still tingling, "you can say that." She should be ashamed of herself for kissing another girl but she hadn't felt that way at all which caused guilt to sink into her chest. She was guilty for being satisfied with the fact that she shared a rather lovely kiss with Nicky and enjoyed it.
Although Lorna didn't inch away from her or show any physical signs of being uncomfortable, Nicky could sense in her tone that something seemed to be bothering her. She cautiously reached her thumb over to caress gently back and forth on the younger teen's forehead. "I'm sorry, I hope I didn't weird ya out or anything."
Without any thought, the brunette inched her face closer and let their lips brush together once again. She let them linger together before slowly pulling away and staring intensely into Nicky's eyes. A small smile made its way to her face. Weirded out was the exact opposite of how that kiss made her feel. "Don't apologize, hon. I'm not weirded out at all—I was just surprised, still am. But I really enjoyed that kiss."
To say Nicky felt a sense of relief would be an understatement. She couldn't contain the emotions from displaying themselves. The corners of her mouth formed into a grin as her big brown eyes returned Lorna's powerful gaze with the utmost affection. Everything else seemed to melt away right in that moment; all of her focus was on she and Lorna. Nothing else mattered. "Yeah? I enjoyed it too, kid—I, too, was not expecting that to happen but I don't know…I just couldn't stop myself."
"I think I may be developing some feelings for ya that aren't just the friendly type," Nicky gently admitted, her eyes not moving from the other's face.
"You mean like romantic feelings, Nicky?" The brunette questioned with arched eyebrows. She quietly wondered if she was also starting to have those kind of feelings toward her friend.
That inquiry coming from her dear best friend's mouth made it quite the challenge for Nicky to not let out a tiny chuckle at. She nodded her head, however, and smiled warmly at Lorna. "Yeah, exactly, kid. There's just—there's something special about you," was her gentle response. She meant each word that came out of her; Lorna made her feel things she never thought she would be lucky enough to feel.
"I feel at home with you," Lorna interjected, nodding her head as well.
It was as though she took the words right from her own mind, Nicky thought after hearing that. Her smile only grew. "That's exactly how I feel with you, kid. It just is so natural and right."
Franny carried a steaming cup of coffee in her hands, walking to the spare bedroom where her younger sister was staying and knocking on the door. She sensed something was wrong with how reserved she'd been the past couple of days. A frown sat on her face when no movement was heard on the other side of the door. She sighed and turned the knob to open it. Her eyes darted over to her sister, who lay hidden under a pile of blankets. She placed the mug on the end table beside the bed before sitting on the edge of it, reaching down to caress her head motherly.
"I fixed ya a cuppa coffee, Lorn," she informed her, hoping that would somehow make her want to get out of the bed. She gradually pulled the blankets off of her and then walked over to the window to pull back the curtains. "Come on, ya gotta get up and get ready for school."
A grumble escaped the petite brunette; the brightness made her eyes squint. Ever since she and Nicky had their intimate moment and then the day after hearing that Mr. Nichols actually did show up to get her, Lorna felt numb. She didn't have the momentum to care about anything anymore. It was as though everyone she cared for, she would eventually lose them in one way or another.
Franny exhaled a breath of air, keeping her lightly colored eyes on the teenager. She had no idea what was going on with her sister but she loathed to see her in this way. She reached for the mug of coffee off the table and handed it to Lorna. "Have a sip of it; maybe some caffeine will fix your mood."
The younger girl held the mug in her hands, staring it over with a blank look in her eyes. If she hadn't been so depleted of life at that moment, she'd have chuckled at Franny's comment. She didn't, however, just brought the cup to her lips and took a swig of the lukewarm liquid. "Doubt it, but thanks," she muttered, keeping her stare down inside of the mug that she cradled in her hands.
"Ya wanna tell me what's wrong?"
Lorna took another sip of the coffee. She refused to look at her sister; instead, she focused her eyes out the window. The sun peeped out of a band of clouds while a few birds perched on the branches of a nearby tree. "Nothing's wrong, Fran."
Folding her arms over her chest, the older brunette immediately knew that was a lie. "Mhmm. Is that why ya barely been gettin' outta bed lately?"
"I just don't feel good. My stomach's been queasy," the other responded, her words half true. Her stomach had, indeed, felt queasy—however, she knew it wasn't due to being ill. It had more to do with not having her friend nearby anymore, knowing that she had to face her bully completely alone and balance her schoolwork. Everything was building up around her and she felt suffocated.
"Queasy, huh? Maybe because ya haven't eaten hardly anything while you've been here. You want me to fix ya some toast before we leave?"
Franny took a minute to really look the petite brunette over; she noticed just how small her frame had become. With everything that went on with their mother's cancer diagnosis, then her death, and their father's drunken fits, she hadn't even realized how her sister seemed to be thinning away.
"Nah, I think I'll just finish the coffee and get ready. My stomach is hurtin' too much to eat right now, Fran."
It was duller at school than Lorna even thought possible. Sure, even when Nicky was there, the two hadn't seen each other that much but now, the day seemed that much more stagnant without her there. She walked aimlessly through the hallway, not thinking or caring about anything or anyone. She kept her head down and let her eyes focus on each dotted tile as she walked.
Air escaped her at an alarming rate; Lorna swallowed in an attempt to catch her breath. She momentarily fell to her knees until she was finally able to get air back into her lungs. When she pushed herself back up, she turned and realized what the culprit of that tiny episode was. Her eyes landed on Annalisa. She wasn't surprised at all to know she'd been the reason for her fall—the blonde despised her since the first week of school.
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't see you there," Annalisa said with a smirk. She watched the brunette closely as she steadied herself and hugged her books over her chest. It brought her pleasure to see how uncomfortable she could make Lorna Morello—the girl was such an easy target.
Lorna exhaled deeply, not in the mood to deal with her bully at that particular moment. She didn't have the energy to say anything in response—didn't care to say anything, all she wanted to do was to get to her counselor's office so she could sit down. She walked right past the other girl and kept on the path of where she needed to head towards. Her hand was placed on her temple; in all honesty, she was in no form to really focus on what assignments needed done or what tests she needed to make up. But she walked into Mrs. Mendoza's office anyway.
The room had an aroma that almost caught Lorna's attention. She situated herself on a chair adjacent to the counselor's desk and inhaled sharply. A light linen scent took up the entire room. Usually such a lovely smell would put a smile on her face but even the thought of trying to smile seemed all too much for her. She held her books tight against her heart, letting the sound of clacking fingers against the keyboard lull her into a daze.
"Hello, I didn't hear you come in," Mrs. Mendoza greeted a few moments later; she looked up from her computer screen across at the young brunette teenager.
Lorna sighed and lifted her head to meet the older woman's stare. "Hi," she responded quietly, wishing she were anywhere but in that damn building. Wishing she were still in her sister's spare bedroom, hidden underneath a pile of blankets in the bed. She reached for her folder, retrieving her assignments from within. She was somewhat thankful she took the time to work on those before Nicky's departure.
The Hispanic woman observed her with an indecipherable mien. She picked up her mug, sitting on the coaster beside the computer mouse, and sipped its contents slowly. Her eyes kept focus on the young teen who sat in the metal chair adjacent to her desk; it was easy for her to notice that something must have been upsetting her.
"Did you have a good weekend? The weather was actually nice for it being the end of winter."
The rather innocent inquiry ripped a bandage from Lorna's heart. She swallowed thickly, shifting her feet uncomfortably against the tiled floor. "I finished my assignments for Mrs. Bell—I guess that would make it a good weekend," her voice was deadpanned. She couldn't remember what it was like to be the bubbly Lorna she used to be.
Mrs. Mendoza gave a friendly smile with a slight nod of her head. "That's great, that'll help get your grade up. I actually have another email from her with a list of smaller assignments that she said you can pick from to earn some extra credit," she informed her before going to turn on the printer. She went back over to the computer, clicking through the emails until she got back to the one from her coworker Wanda Bell—she copied the list from the message and pasted it in a word document so that she could print it out.
Being handed the paper, a few minutes later, Lorna exhaled sharply and looked at it absentmindedly. She knew she should be grateful that she was being given this opportunity to get her grade back to passing—and on a deeper level she was—but right at that very moment all she wanted was to hide away from the world. She didn't want to even think about all the work she had to complete.
"Now, she said ya don't have do all of em'—pick three or four and it'll count as extra credit."
Lorna nodded, placing the paper into the folder she carried with her. "Thanks," she managed before getting up to leave. She was halfway to the door when the counselor called out.
"Wait," Mrs. Mendoza held up her hand to stop her from exiting the room; she sensed something wrong the moment she noticed the petite brunette sitting in her office and knew as one of the school counselor's, it was her job to help any struggling students. Especially when she knew how expensive it was for anyone to afford professional assistance outside of the school. She vowed from the day she accepted this job to reach and help as many students as she possibly could.
"I noticed how down you've looked since ya came in here," the short-haired brunette woman started, peering at her with a sense of sympathy in her eyes. "Is everything okay, Lorna? Do you want to discuss anything?"
The compassion and kindness that emanated from her words almost tempted Lorna to sit back down. Almost. But she resisted; instead, she slightly turned to gaze at Mrs. Mendoza with a small smile—an empty shell of a smile, but a smile, nonetheless. She greatly appreciated the comforting words that the counselor offered; it made her think of her mother and that immediately clammed up all her emotions and thoughts. Hence why she settled on smiling and thanking her before finally exiting the office.
When she arrived home that evening after school ended, she already felt her stomach churning in anguish. She loathed that she had to go back to her distressing life with her father. It immediately brought a strong pang of queasiness over her as she entered into the house. She never knew what to expect when walking in the front door. Her heart pounded slightly faster than normal the moment she shut the door behind her.
Not to her surprise, the scent of alcohol seemed to consume the air all around her. It caused her nose to scrunch up in disgust. How she despised that god-awful smell. She sighed and walked into the kitchen to prepare herself a heavily desired cup of coffee. A note sat on the island countertop and quickly caught her eyes. She grabbed it from the surface, bringing it a little closer to her face so she could properly read it.
Lorna,
I am on a much needed fucking trip away from ya and yer damn attitude. Ya give me a goddamn headache so I gone down fishin' for the week. Yer Uncle George will be over to make sure ya don't burn the damn house down. And I swear ta god if I hear ya givin' him a rough time, I'll beat the shit outta ya when I come home.
Go to hell,
Dad
Lorna nearly felt a rush of relief at the fact that she was going to have an entire week without Mr. Morello there to shout and yell at her. That was until she read that her uncle George would be joining her in her father's absence. She closed her eyes with an exasperated breath of air. George Mendez was even worse than her father, she thought while rubbing at her temples. She hoped that he wouldn't show up until the next day. She needed a day to prepare for his arrival. A day to prepare her emotions and mental health.
Chapter Text
Chapter Thirteen
Fortunately, with the time nearing six o-clock in the evening, Lorna realized he probably wouldn't be there until tomorrow. She was relieved and went up to her room to change into her pajamas so that she could relax and be comfortable for the rest of the night. Once she was changed, she situated herself on her bed so that she was lying on her stomach with her phone held in front of her. She looked at it, trying to decide on if she should call her sister or Nicky first. The phone ringing with her father's number made the choice that neither would be called first.
She sighed loudly, shutting her eyes in irritation. After a few more rings, she finally clicked the talk button and held it to her ear. "Hello?" She hated how meek her voice sounded. No wonder she was such a target for bullying and abuse, she thought.
"Don't use that tone with me, little girl," Mr. Morello shouted on the other end. He was sat out on the balcony of the hotel he was staying, a cigar situated between his fingers. "I'll be home Friday and until then yer good uncle George will be staying with ya—ya better make sure ya keep the house spotless. And if ya give him grief, I'll beat yer ass. Got it?"
Maybe it was the slurring in his speech but Lorna swore she could smell the alcohol through the receiver of her phone. She rolled her eyes, nodding her head with frustration. "Yes, father, I got it. I saw the note—why did ya call me just to say the same thing?" With him not in the same place as her, she felt a little less worried about his reaction to what she just responded with.
On the other side of the phone, Mr. Morello wanted to push his hands through it and ring his daughter's neck for speaking to him in such a manner. Instead, he took a puff of his cigar and a gulp of the whiskey in the glass he had sitting on the table beside him. "Because I know ya can't fucking read well, ya demon child a mine. Now, Uncle George will be there in the morning. And he will be letting me know if ya do anything bad so ya better not."
Lorna was glad to hear him click off on the other end. She dreaded that she'd have to spend the week with her decrepit uncle. The same uncle her mother refused to ever allow the three of them to be around. She never understood why they were never allowed to be around him—that was until they went to a family barbeque, when she was in the sixth grade, and he tried to finger both she and Franny from underneath one of the picnic benches. That was the first and last time Stansie ever let them anywhere near that man.
She decided to call up Franny. In case her uncle went crazy and killed her, she wanted at least someone to know what was going on. A few rings were heard before the phone picked up. She didn't really give the older woman a chance to speak. "Fran, dad went away for the week and he said Uncle George is gonna stay with me until he comes back," she informed her, the words frantically pouring out of her mouth.
"What?" Franny, who'd just prepared her son for bed, stood in the kitchen to fix herself a cup of tea. To hear what her sister just told her, she stood at the counter slightly frozen.
"Uncle George is—"
Franny shook her head, not wanting her sister to repeat anything. She cupped her hands around her cheeks as she rested her chin against the countertop. "I heard what ya said, Lorn. I just can't believe dad would fucking allow that sick fuck to stay an entire week with ya. I mean what the hell—he couldn't fucking let me know he would be away so I could bring ya over here? I've about fucking had it with dad."
"I—I just wish mom was here. I want her back so bad—I need her," Lorna muttered, swallowing roughly. She sat up, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her forehead against her knees. She could feel tears trying to come up but she fought them to stay hidden beneath her eyelids. Life without their mother was like being left in a glass cage underwater. There was no way out.
"I know, honey, I know. Mom would be absolutely livid if she knew what dad was like these days—she would never allow any of this to be going on."
The older brunette placed her mug of water in the microwave and turned it on for a couple of minutes. She sighed, longing for a way to get her sister of that house. She wished Mikey weren't away on the military base so that he could be there to see what was happening with their family, but she knew he was there to be a better person than their father—something she couldn't be more proud of.
"I'll be over to check on ya every day while he's there, okay? I don't trust Uncle George as far as I can throw him. If he even tries anything, please call me and I'll come get ya. I don't want anything to happen to ya, Lorn."
It was the middle of the night when Lorna was jolted awake. She bolted into a sitting position; eyes wide as she looked around the room to see who had woken her but instead realized it was only her phone's ringing that caused her to waken. Relief came over her as she reached for the phone; she felt her heart flutter to see Nicky's name on the caller ID. She quickly clicked the talk button and greeted her friend.
"I didn't wake ya, did I?" The other's familiar husky voice sounded through the receiver.
That voice immediately brought a warm sense of safety and security to Lorna's body. She held the phone tightly against her ear as she lay back against her pillow. A small smile formed on her face. "No, not at all. I was just finishing some homework. I'm real glad ya called, hon. I miss ya—are you okay?"
Nicky, laying on the small twin-sized bed in the office/small bedroom her father literally threw together the day she moved in, cradled the phone to her ear and smiled at the sweet sound of Lorna's voice. How she missed seeing that cherub face every day in school. "I miss you too, kid," she murmured softly, yearning to be in the same room as her once more. "I'm fine, it's just real boring here—my dad is even more boring than Marka. But hey, at least he occasionally acknowledges my existence. How are you, Lorna? You doing okay?"
Hearing her response made Lorna long to be physically beside the redhead. She had the urge to wrap her in an embrace and make sure she knew that there were actual people out there who truly cared about her. But instead she had to settle on pretending the phone was Nicky, holding it tighter against her ear. "I'm sorry, hon. Is the school there good? Have ya been able to make friends?"
"You don't need to be sorry, kid. It's not that bad, honestly. Just boring but I'm okay with that. At least I can still talk to ya on the phone and we can meet up on the weekends, yeah?" Nicky noticed how Lorna cleverly tried to avoid her questions and gradually grew more concerned. "Eh, the school is nothing special. I don't care too much to make any friends here, I'm still hoping to find a way to move back down there."
Lorna nodded, using her free hand to reach for the covers to pull them back up around herself. She hoped they could find time to meetup on the weekends but with her dad's control over her, she knew he wouldn't allow her any freedom to go out. But she put a smile on and agreed, "Of course, hon, we can still hang out and talk."
"So, ya wanna tell me how you are, yeah? Everything okay? Is school okay, kid?" She repeated her questions. She remembered Lorna's mentions of being bullied weeks before and never forgot about it.
The brunette paused for a moment, trying to come up with a response that would be believable. She realized how easily Nicky seemed to pull apart her lies and didn't want that to happen. Not right now. "Oh, yeah, everything is good here. I've been tryna get my science grade up so I have a lotta assignments to work on for that. It's sucky at school without you there but it's fine."
Nicky listened closely, picking up on the miniscule shakiness that seemed to seep out between the words she spoke. She shook her head in disbelief that everything was as fine as Lorna claimed. "So, what about the bullying? Remember ya said some kids been picking on ya? Is that still going on, doll?"
Lorna felt a lump in her throat. Of course Nicky wouldn't forget that, she thought. On one hand, she found that very heartwarming because that showed her the older teen truly did care but, on the other, she found it unnerving. Because now, she had to be twice as convincing with her lies. "Oh, no, no that's stopped now. Don't worry, hon, it's all good."
"Yeah, are you being honest with me? Lorna, ya know you don't have to pretend with me, yeah?"
"Nicky, I really mean it—the kids got caught throwing this other girl in a locker and got in a lotta trouble for it. So, I haven't been bothered with in a long time now. But thank you for being so kind about it, I do really appreciate that."
Squinting her eyes as she listened to the brunette's response, Nicky tried to figure out the real answer hidden inside of it. She still didn't believe her—there was something off with Lorna's voice, which may have been a very minor flag, but she refused to let anything slide. "Lorna, did they shove you into a locker? Is that the girl?"
"No, Nicky—" The sound of a door slamming downstairs startled her out of the conversation. She shifted uncomfortably in the bed. That couldn't be her uncle, it was the middle of the night.
Nicky's concern strengthened when Lorna suddenly stopped talking and noted the sound of her breathing got louder. "Lorna, what's wrong? Everything okay?"
Lorna opened her mouth to speak but couldn't find any words. She felt like her heart was about ready to beat out of her chest. She could hear the faint sound of footsteps, that only caused the rate of her heart to climb. Maybe she was hallucinating the sounds; god, she hoped that was all it was.
"Lorna? Please talk to me. What's going on, kid?"
"Nicky," her name came out barely above a whisper. She didn't know if the noises were real or hallucinations so she didn't want to risk being too loud. "I, um, I have to go."
The redhead refused to hang up until she knew her friend was okay. But by the sound of her voice, she knew Lorna wasn't. "Lorna, what's the matter? I didn't mean to upset ya, kid. I just—I care about you, I don't want anyone bullying you. I promise we'll drop the subject, yeah?"
"It's not that, hon. You didn't upset me. I—I'm home alone tonight and heard a sound is all, just got scared and thought I'd go check it out—"
To hear that only made Nicky's yearn to be with her stronger. She sighed, holding the phone tightly against her ear. "Aw, no, kid, it's okay. No, just stay right here. I'll be right here until ya fall asleep, yeah? Houses make a lot of strange noises when you're home alone, just stay right where you are. I'll talk to you all night, how's that?"
Lorna could feel her heart slowing back to a normal rhythm from the other's soothing voice. Her eyes became heavy with sleep, however the second she shut them, the sound of footsteps started again and nearly caused her to shriek. "I keep hearing footsteps, Nicky. My dad said my uncle was coming to stay until he's back but-but he's not supposed to be here until tomorrow. I—I'm scared."
"Shh, shh, shh," Nicky hushed warmly on the other end, letting her finger brush softly against the pillow beneath her. If only the pillow was Lorna's hair, she thought. "It's okay, kid. It's okay. Maybe he got there early, yeah? Were the doors all locked before ya went upstairs?"
"Yeah, I checked them."
Nicky nodded, a frown on her face. How she longed to be there to embrace Lorna, to protect her from all of her fears. "Okay, kid, then you don't have to worry. He probably just got there early and those are the footsteps you're hearing."
She swallowed hard; that gave her even more reason to be fearful. "I have to worry more now," she muttered faintly, rolling onto her side away from her bedroom door.
If Lorna thought her words went unnoticed, they certainly hadn't. Nicky heard her and felt her own sense of worry building up. "Why do ya have to worry more now? What's wrong?"
"Oh, uh, nothing. It's all better now, hon. I meant I don't have to worry anymore now."
"No, no, no. I heard ya, kid. I heard you say you have to worry more now. Do I need to come over there and get you? Are you not safe, baby? Because I will not hesitate to come there and get you if you're not. You know I won't."
It was very, very tempting for Lorna to agree to that. Oh, she wanted to—longed to tell Nicky to come but she couldn't, wouldn't, do that to her friend. Her friend that she cared so strongly and deeply for. Her friend who she wanted to keep from seeing into just how fucked up her home life was. No, she was not going to allow that to happen. Because that would make it real and Lorna didn't want that.
The footsteps were louder, it sounded as if they were right outside her room. And without even comprehending, she held the phone closer to her mouth and whispered into it, "Nicky, please."
That was all it took for the redhead to jump out of bed and start throwing on a pair of sweats and a hoodie. The phone still held against her ear, she grabbed her satchel off of the one small dresser she had and started quietly heading out of the room. "I'm coming. I'm coming, kid. Don't worry. Stay right where you are, yeah? I'm on my way to get you. I promise."
The drive only took twenty-five minutes from her father's place. But to both girls, it had felt like an eternity. Lorna told her that the spare key was underneath the doormat. She grabbed it and carefully opened the door to the house. There were no lights on as she entered, she shut it close once more and relocked it. She walked up the stairs, looking around to see if there was anyone else but didn't see any signs of another person. The sound of faint sniffling led her to Lorna's room.
Nicky carefully entered, shutting the door quietly behind her. When her eyes landed on the petite brunette, she felt her heart ache. She walked over to the bed and perched herself on the edge right beside Lorna's head. "I'm here, kid," she murmured, gently moving her head down to press a warm kiss to the other's forehead.
Looking up at her, the brunette quickly wiped at her tears and looked shamefully up into her eyes. "Hi, Nicky," she whispered, grateful to see her friend beside her and not her sick uncle.
"Hi, doll," she greeted back, carefully laying down beside her and spooning her tenderly from behind. "I don't think those footsteps were from your uncle—I didn't see anyone in the house."
Lorna bowed her head in shame of herself. She despised how much of a chicken she was about even the littlest of things. And she wondered why it was so easy for other people to abuse her or bully her. "I—I'm sorry, hon," she responded, her cheeks flushed red in embarrassment of her own reaction.
Nicky shook her head, pulling Lorna close to her and delicately let her hands brush against the sides of her arms. "You don't need to be sorry. I'm glad to be here with ya, kid. Now I can make sure you're safe. And now, you can sleep without any worries. Are you okay with me holding you like this, doll?"
"Yes, please," the brunette murmured, cuddling closer to the warmth from Nicky's body. The sensation of the older teen's chest softly rising and falling beneath her head gradually lulled her into a daze. She felt arms tighten around her waist and she shut her eyes in content. She never imagined that she could ever feel safe or cared for like this again.
Nicky happily tightened her arms around the smaller girl's waist, kissing the top of her heard in a soothing manner. "Of course," she whispered softly into her ear, "I'll be right here holding you all night, yeah? Everything is okay now. You can go to sleep, baby."
"Thank you, Nicky. I appreciate this so much—I-I'm so sorry I made ya—"
"No apologizing, Lorna. I'm glad you told me to come because I honestly was planning on it anyway. The second you told me you were home all alone in the middle of the night; I was scared for you. I want ya to be able to sleep without worrying, that's why I drove here so I can hold you and keep you safe," she kept her voice firm but filled with compassion. She used one hand to rub soft circles around Lorna's back, continuing the soothing motion until she felt Lorna's breathing labor.
Chapter Text
Chapter Fourteen
The next morning arrived rather quickly. Lorna awoke to the sensation of a soft warmth underneath her head. She squinted her eyes from the sunlight that poured through her room and lifted her head slightly to see Nicky's eyes gazing back at her. The sight brought a small smile to her face—she wished she didn't have to go to school, that the two of them could stay like that all day. She reached a hand up to place delicately over the other's cheek.
"Good morning, hon," she softly hummed, allowing her fingers to brush softly against her flesh.
Nicky lay awake the past hour just watching the brunette with intrigued eyes. Her eyes were mesmerized by Lorna's figure; she was falling hard for her and had to stop herself from smashing their lips together right then and there. Instead, she settled for pulling her closer and nuzzling their foreheads against each other's. "Mornin', kid. Did ya sleep well?" She reached a hand to tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear.
Nodding, Lorna momentarily shut her eyes in content at the tender sensation. She let out a content sigh and reopened her eyes to fix her gaze back on the redhead. It was nice—she could go a morning without thinking about anything bad, and instead, just focus on the moment with her friend. She smiled once more as she snuggled closer to the warmth Nicky's body offered her.
"I slept great, hon. Thank you."
Nicky couldn't resist but to smile back at her. She leaned forward to press a warm kiss over her temple. "I'm glad, Lorna. You needed that, yeah? I swear every time I see you, ya look like ya haven't slept in days."
The brunette only chuckled slightly in response. Although the words were true because she had barely slept that well since before her mother's demise, Lorna refused to admit any of that aloud. And, fortunately, before she had the chance to respond, the sound of her alarm boomed through the room. She gave a slight grumble but pushed herself up from the bed to turn it off.
Nicky followed her downstairs, keeping a watchful eye over her. Though the younger girl seemed to be happier that morning, she sensed it was all only a front she was putting up. She walked behind her into the kitchen and observed as she went to prepare a pot of coffee. While the other was preoccupied with her task, a piece of paper that sat on the countertop of the island caught her attention.
Her hands were ready to grab at it so she could read it when she realized Lorna was looking at her with her arms folded over her chest. She felt a slight guilt overcome her from the way the other was staring at her. It wasn't her place to read a note that clearly hadn't been meant for her.
The pounding in her chest started up the second Lorna turned around and caught sight of Nicky seemingly looking at the sloppily written note her father had left her the day before. She hurriedly went to snatch the note off the table, placing it in her pocket. She hoped the redhead didn't have a chance to read it—the last thing she wanted or needed was for her to find out just how messed up her father was.
"What was that, kid?" Even though she knew she had no business asking her, Nicky needed to know what that note had written on it. Especially since it seemed to upset her friend enough that she wouldn't let her even look at it.
Walking back towards the percolating coffee pot, Lorna grabbed two mugs from the cabinet above and placed them on the counter. She sighed, turning back to stare at the taller teen. Of course the question was only asked out of care and concern, however, Lorna refused to give an honest response. Rather, she smiled while pouring some cream and sweetener into her mug.
"Just a note my dad left since he's away for the week," she shrugged. The coffee pot finally finished brewing; Lorna took the vessel from underneath the filter and poured the dark liquid into the two mugs she set on the counter.
She handed the plain cup of black coffee over to Nicky and smiled at her. That was one of the most relaxing, least stressful, mornings Lorna spent in that house in well over two years. No yelling or screaming, nothing being thrown and broken.
Graciously taking the steaming cup, Nicky gave a warm smile back. She sipped the coffee slowly, enjoying the bold flavor. It was a peaceful morning—a morning she actually appreciated being awake for. "Thanks for the coffee, kid. You make it strong."
"Oh, I hope it's not too strong," the younger girl responded. She brought her own mug up to her lips for a desired sip.
Nicky shook her head as she took another sip. "Oh, no, it's just the right amount of strong. I love it, kid."
The two young teens sat in Nicky's car—who insisted on driving Lorna to the high school—with the windows down and music blasting through the stereo. It wasn't a long drive, only a few minutes, but Lorna enjoyed every second of it. She only wished they could repeat that drive every morning, however, she knew the likely hood of that happening was slim to none. Not with Nicky living in another town and having to go to a completely different school.
After pulling into a parking spot, both girls got out of the car and started heading towards the entrance. Lorna turned her head slightly to look at the taller teen. She was curious to know what she was doing coming inside the school with her now that she hadn't been a student there any longer. They entered inside the building when Lorna decided to stop for a second. She eyed her friend suspiciously, trying to decipher what she may have been thinking.
"Nicky? Don't ya needa get to your high school?"
Chuckling at the question, Nicky only shrugged and gently pulled on the other's hand to continue their walk down the hall. It wasn't like she never skipped school before. In fact, she deemed herself a professional school skipper. Before she met Lorna, she had more absences than she could count. "Nah, what's one day? I'm gonna go pay the nurse a visit. I'm sure they won't even question why I'm here, kid."
Nicky entered into the familiar office of her favorite school nurse. Although it had only been a week since she switched schools, she missed the comfort that sitting in Nurse Reznikov's always seemed to bring her. All the natural sounds that were part of her daily tasks—it soothed her when she was in there, pretending to be sick to get out of her classes. She sighed and caught sight of the Russian woman sitting at her desk—a pair of glasses halfway off her face—reading over something on the computer screen in front of her.
She walked inside and plopped herself down on one of the chairs. Her eyes watched closely as the older woman clacked against the keyboard for several minutes longer. The sound mesmerized her; she shut her eyes momentarily and just listened to the softly clacking keyboard.
"Nicky? Why didn't you say anything? You nearly gave me a heart attack," Nurse Reznikov called out, covering a hand over her heart as if to stop it from beating so rapidly. She used her thumb to push her glasses back up on her face and turned her chair completely around so that she could properly glance at Nicky.
With a light chuckle, the teen threw up her hands and shrugged her shoulders. "I was just listening to ya type and was kinda daydreaming," had been her honest response. She observed Red's facial expression closely. A breath of air expelled from her lungs. She wished she had been graced with a mother more like Red. Someone who actually cared for her—who didn't just throw money at her to get rid of her.
Mrs. Reznikov nodded and arched her eyebrows curiously. "Wait, haven't you moved to a new school district? What are ya doing here?"
"Yeah, but I spent the night at Lorna's so I gave her a ride here and decided to come see the best school nurse ever." A sheepish grin sat on her face.
Red held a hand up and waved it in the air. "Oh, stop—you only say that because I let you sit here and skip classes," she pointed out but gave a kind chuckle to lighten her words.
"Ma, any chance I can take up residence with you?"
Lowering her glasses, the older woman folded her arms over her chest and fixed her eyes intently on Nicky. The inquiry quickly brought an inquisitiveness over her. "That's an interesting question, Nicky. What makes you ask it?"
"Uh, well, I like you better than both my parents combined as a starter," Nicky pointed out, and she meant it. Nurse Reznikov displayed characteristics she knew neither of her parents could ever be capable of possessing. The kindness, compassion, and warmth that radiated from her was a far cry from what Marka Nichols ever showed her in sixteen years. She'd give anything to have a mother as full of affection as Red seemed to be.
"Plus, I rather stay at this school—I already got friends and everything here."
That was a first. In the twenty years she worked as a school nurse not once could she recall a student asking to live with her. She lifted a hand to slick back her hair. Blue eyes firmly focused ahead on the young teen; she observed her thoroughly, trying to figure out if she was being serious or not. "Back up a minute, when did you and your mother move out of town?"
Nicky shook her head, biting down on her lip to stop herself from rolling her eyes. "Marka and I didn't move…Marka forced me to go with my father—who might I add has never come to get me for any of his weekends," she felt the anger bubbling inside of her with each word she spoke.
Hearing that made the older woman's heart slightly shatter. She felt for Nicky, she really had. But there wasn't much she could do for her other than to allow her to talk about it. "Oh, Nicky, that's just terrible. I'm so sorry—"
"No sorry, can I just move in with you? Please? I mean ya might as well be my mom, yeah? I could really pass as your daughter anyway with the red hair," Nicky smirked, using her hand to puff out her bushy curls.
"As much as I've always wished to have had a daughter, I'm not sure your parents would be okay with you living with the school nurse. I mean I think you're a sweet young lady and would love to let you stay with me but I can't just say yes and that's it."
The comment had Nicky stifle a laugh. Of course, it made sense why Mrs. Reznikov would say that—without all the facts, no one would automatically assume one's parents to not care if their child chose to live with a person they hadn't even known. But Nicky knew her parents—especially Marka—very well. Neither really seemed to want her and she, in turn, didn't want to be stuck with them either. It wouldn't take much convincing to get the both of them on board with her choosing to move in with Red.
"What if I talk to my parents about it and they agree? Can I stay with you then?"
Red admired her persistence on the matter. She gave a gradual shrug of her shoulders, though reached a hand over to place gently over the teen's hand. Her thumb stroked comfortingly over her knuckles. "You really are serious about this, aren't you?" She watched as the other nodded profusely in response to her question and let out a sigh. "Look, if you talk to your parents and they are okay with it then you and I will discuss this further."
The ringing of the last bell had Lorna running to collect her belongings from her locker. Her mood was a little brighter than it had been in quite some time. With her bookbag securely in place on each of her arms, she walked down towards the front of the school and was slightly surprised when she noticed Nicky sitting in the office right off the entrance. She hadn't realized that she was still at the school—she figured she had gone home hours ago.
Intrigued, the brunette walked into the office and plopped herself down right beside her friend. She placed a hand on her arm, tapping softly against it to get her attention. When she felt the older girl yank her arm away from her, she shifted uncomfortably in her seat but looked her over in concern. She knew it wasn't like Nicky to be so cold and therefore, she only sat there and waited to hear what was bothering her.
Taking notice of who was beside her, Nicky immediately regretted her previous actions. Her mind had been so focused on the irritation from speaking with her father that she didn't even realize her surroundings. She sighed and reached gently for Lorna's hand, cupping it delicately in her own. "Sorry, kid, I didn't mean to push you away like that. I wasn't really paying attention."
Lorna shook her head and looked at her intensely. It didn't take long for she to notice the faded tear stains on her cheeks. The sight instinctively had her squeezing the other's hand even tighter. "Don't worry about it," she softly hushed, studying her features meticulously. "Are you okay? I was surprised to see ya still here."
"I'm fine, kid. I just got off the phone with my father—he's not happy with me for leaving in the middle of the night and he just got me all frustrated is all," Nicky retorted, biting the side of her mouth to hold back some of the anger she felt.
The statement impulsively caused Lorna to unnoticeably tense up. She hoped that didn't mean her friend's father was also an abusive one. The last thing she wanted was for another person she cared so deeply for to have to go through something so harmful and traumatic. Her hold on Nicky's hand tightened. "I'm real sorry about that, hon," she apologized, shamed of herself for making Nicky come over the night before and unintentionally causing her to get in trouble.
Using her other her hand to place over her cheek, Nicky shook her head while peering into her eyes fiercely. "Don't be, Lorna. I don't regret for a damn second coming over and staying with ya last night. I'm just mad at my dad—for sixteen years he didn't care to even call me once in a while and now he thinks he has the right to be mad that I used my free will to go check on my friend? Tough shit, pops."
"I'm—"
"Please don't. Do not apologize. I'm over it with my parents. I don't care anymore."
Lorna brushed her fingers softly along the veins of the other's hands. The pain that so indistinctly mixed in with Nicky's tone of voice as she spoke did not go without notice. It brought a pang to her chest. "I'm here for ya, too, Nicky," she informed her softly, continuing the soothing motion on her hand.
The gentle caressing of her hand gradually washed away the majority of Nicky's frustration. She exhaled deeply, allowing herself to relax somewhat. It was never an easy thing for her to let her vulnerability show—she preferred to maintain her tough exterior at all costs. However, she found herself becoming less and less able to keep that composure when in Lorna's presence. It was as is if it were the most natural thing for her to allow her guard down in front of the other.
The walk home from school was rather peaceful. Sunshine poured through the sparse clouds bringing with it a warmth that made it that much nicer. It only took twenty minutes for her to arrive on the front porch of her house. Lorna entered inside, setting her bookbag on the ground near the shoe rack on the other side of the door. She hurriedly made her way into the kitchen to prepare herself a pot of coffee.
Busying herself with getting the ground beans into the filter, she hadn't realized whether or not her uncle had been in the house. She didn't even care if he was there or not; the sunshine and spending time with Nicky earlier raised her mood more than she even thought possible. Nothing could tear it back down, at least, that was what she told herself.
As the coffee began to drip into the vessel, Lorna took out her favorite mug along with a carton of cream and packets of sweetener. She emptied the packets into the mug, then took the creamer and poured a few heaping tablespoons in as well. The sound of sputtering from the machine alerted her that the coffee had finished brewing. A smile formed. She retrieved the pot from underneath it and carried it over to pour into the cup she'd prepared.
The smell was bold and flavorful. Lorna cradled the mug in her hand, sipping it longingly. There was hardly anything better to her than the taste of her beloved hot caffeine-filled liquid. It satisfied not only her tastebuds but her mind and stomach as well. She walked back into the living room and sat down on the sofa, still holding onto her steaming cup of coffee.
"Well, it's about damn time you showed up."
Chapter Text
Chapter Fifteen
Lorna instantly looked up from where she was sitting; her eyes landed on the culprit of that voice, her uncle George Mendez. She felt her body slightly shutter at the sight of him. The last time she remembered seeing him was at that family picnic five years ago. He definitely still appeared the same albeit his brown hair greying and thinning. The thick mustache that covered his lips made him look like the stereotypical child molester, she thought.
He was sat in her father's recliner with a beer bottle in his hands. He sipped it fervently while watching the young brunette with a dim lust lurking in his eyes. "Why did it take so long for you to get home? Your daddy told me school ends at two and now it is," the dark-haired man pointed out, glancing briefly at his watch, "three o'clock."
"I had to walk home, it took a while." There was an uncomfortable aura in the room; Lorna shifted in her seat, drinking the coffee she held slowly. She refused to look at her uncle. And longed for her mother to appear. For her to be there to force him to leave and never come back—to kick some sense back into Joe Morello.
"Oh really? Nice try, little princess—he also told me it only takes fifteen minutes for ya to get home. Where the fuck were you?"
The rising anger in his tone didn't help to lessen the tense energy that filled the house so suddenly. It certainly hadn't encouraged Lorna to want to talk to him. But in fear of what could possibly happen had she not responded, she chose to come up with some form of an answer. "I just had to check in with my teacher before I left, I wasn't late on purpose."
George Mendez shook his head disbelievingly. He brought the glass bottle towards his lips and took a rather large swig of it. His dark irises peered over the young brunette's body in a longing desire. It didn't matter to him that she was only fifteen—he wanted what he wanted and not even the law could stop him from getting it. "Mm," he mumbled, staring fiercely over her. "Go on and fetch me a sandwich, will ya?"
Lorna wanted to say no and go on up to her room to get away from him but decided against that as she had no idea what consequences she would have faced had she refused his demand. She still had her coffee in her hands, eyes looked down inside of the mug sadly. So much for enjoying any time to herself, she thought. "Can I just finish my coffee first?" She risked asking the question.
"Why are ya still in here? Go make me a sandwich child!"
"I'll take that as a no," she mumbled in response.
She walked back into the kitchen, her mug in hand, and reached for a plate from one of the cabinets. Realizing she had no idea what kind of sandwich her uncle wanted, she let out an exasperated sigh. There was no way she was going back in there to ask. Lorna took out a loaf of bread along with the cheese and lunchmeat, placing all of it onto the countertop. Before she moved forward with assembling it, she picked up her cup of coffee and took a few long sips of it.
Right as she was finally ready to start preparing the sandwich, the sound of her phone going off interrupted her. She reached her hand for it from the pocket of her jeans and checked the caller ID. Seeing her sister's name, Lorna decided to go ahead and answer it. "Hello?"
"Lorn, have ya been graced with Uncle George's presence yet?" The older brunette's voice questioned through the other end of the phone.
If she wasn't so fearful of the man, Lorna would have easily laughed at her sister's words. However, she refrained and quickly put together his sandwich while using her shoulder to hold the phone up to her ear. "Unfortunately," she muttered, rolling her eyes to go along with it. "I'm making him a sandwich, he requested."
Franny shook her head. He couldn't have been there long and was already starting to work her nerves. "Hmm, requested? Right. I'm sure he didn't really give ya a choice in the matter, huh?"
"No, not really," Lorna answered, sighing. Now that the sandwich was completed, she hurriedly put the ingredients back in the fridge. "Lemme go give him this before he gets mad. I'll call ya back, Fran." After clicking off the call, Lorna set the phone back in her pocket and grabbed the plate carefully in both of her hands.
She returned into the living room with the plated sandwich, handing it over to her uncle—who snatched it rather harshly from her. The gesture almost caused her to jump but she maintained her composure. Before she could turn to leave, she felt one of his cold hands grab onto her shoulder. She slightly shuttered at his touch.
"So where's your mom?" The inquiry easily spilled from Mendez's mouth. He already began chowing down on the sandwich she prepared him. A cold gleam in his eyes as he asked her that.
Lorna felt a chill run down her spine. She shifted uneasily where she stood, feeling the pressure in her chest rising with every second that passed. Had he really not known or was he just being spiteful? She couldn't decipher which it was; all she could do was swallow thickly, trying to keep her emotions from coming out. Words could not form—she was having a hard enough time just trying to remember to breathe.
Shaking his head, Mendez threw up his arms in irritation. "Where is your mom, little diva?" He repeated his question louder, almost yelling it.
"My-my mom?" The only response she could manage without breaking down.
"Yeah, your mom—the hell ya deaf now? Jesus Christ."
She felt suffocated every time the word mom came from her uncle's mouth. It was as though each time he said that word she was being held down underwater without being allowed up for air. He couldn't possibly not know that her mother had passed almost six months ago, she pondered. Her mouth opened and shut several times with no words escaping out. She still stood there, trying to catch her breath. Each minute that passed that she didn't answer, the more anger she noticed building in Mendez's body language.
"She's not here—mom is away on business," the obvious lie easily came out. She told it to so many people that at times she almost believed it herself. She desperately yearned for it to be true—for her mother to only be temporarily away.
The greying middle-aged man took the last bite of his sandwich and shook his head in her direction. A smirk etched on his face as he did so. He let his hands grab rather roughly on her cheeks, forcefully turning her head so that she was facing him. "Really? Your daddy mentioned she was sick with cancer—what, she miraculously got better?"
Lorna gritted her teeth anxiously; the way he kept calling her father daddy in such a sardonic tone made her shutter. And cancer—the word alone was enough to flood her mind with haunting memories. However, she bit down on her tongue to distract herself from the bubbling emotions. She didn't have the energy to deal with them. "Why are ya even asking about her? It's not like you like her, anyway. Leave my mom alone."
With a chortle, Mendez pushed her away and placed his empty plate on the end table that separated the two sofas. He pointed his finger profusely at the plate, "Take this and go wash it. And wash yer filthy mouth out while yer at it. The hell gives ya the right to talk to an adult like that?"
Thankful for the opportunity to vanish, Lorna gladly took the plate and ran back to the kitchen. She placed it in the sink and turned the hot water on. Her hands reached for the soap that she used to pour over it; she put her hands under the running water and let them stay for several minutes as she finally felt a tear come running down her cheek. She hadn't even realized there was a tear to be shed until then. A lump formed in the back of her throat. She quickly finished washing the dish before retreating up to her room to escape her uncle.
The bright glow of the moon shined through the window into her room. Lorna lay on her stomach on her bed while looking at her phone that she held out in front of her eyes. She spent a few moments pondering on whether or not to call Nicky. After seeing her in the office, she felt something had been bothering her and she wanted to figure out what it was. Plus, that would help keep her distracted from her own issues which she desperately craved right at that second.
Lorna listened through the rings, closing her eyes as she thought about how on earth she was going to make it through to the end of the week with her uncle there. She wasn't entirely positive she could survive the whole week. Fortunately her thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the other line being picked up. A sigh of relief escaped her—she was grateful for the interjection.
"Mmph, hello?"
The tone in her voice quickly had Lorna realizing how late it must have been as it obviously seemed her call awoken Nicky from a slumber. She mentally kicked herself for not checking the time before she called. "Hi, hon, it's me Lorna," she muttered softly into the receiver. Knowing she woke the other, she felt slightly nervous now.
A light chuckle escaped her. Nicky briefly yawned and held the phone closer to her ear. "I know who ya are, kid, the voice gives it away," she laughed warmly, she could feel her cheeks flush red. Good thing the two weren't in the same room, she thought.
"Oh," the brunette replied, yet, laughed as well to make sure it was known that such comment hadn't offended her. She traced her finger around the pattern on the comforter of her bed. The sound of rain falling loudly on the roof caught her attention momentarily; it was a sound that always brought a comfort over her. "Did I wake you?"
"Nah I was up, just dozed a little before my phone rang. S'okay, kid." Nicky would never be caught dead admitting that she was sound asleep before midnight. That certainly would take away from her persona and she wasn't going to allow that. "D'ya need somethin'?"
It wasn't usual for Nicky to be so frank, Lorna noted, but she did her best to not take it personal. Obviously if she had been dozing off, she was tired and probably not in the mood to talk on the phone. The brunette nodded her head to herself. "I'm sorry, I didn't check the time before I called and I probably shoulda. Didn't meana call so late, Nicky, just wanted to check on ya. Are you feeling better?"
Nicky felt her heart bursting at the caring nature of her friend. She never felt this cared for by someone aside from Nurse Reznikov. It made her feel all warm and fuzzy inside—a sensation she surely wasn't used to and didn't know what to think of it right then. Her eyes kept drooping shut. "I'm okay, kid, thanks. You're so sweet for calling and checking," she murmured softly, wishing she could hug the brunette right there and then.
"Of course, hon. Is everything okay with you and your dad? Ya said he was kinda upset earlier about the whole situation last night," the words frantically came out. Lorna worried there might be a chance her friend's father would take his anger out on her in a physical manner and she just couldn't fathom the thought of that. She didn't want anyone to go through that kind of suffering, especially Nicky.
"Everything is fine between me and him. Don't worry about that, yeah?" As kind and sweet as it was for Lorna to worry for her and her parents, it also caused suspicion to form. She always seemed so persistent when it came to her parents, but even more so her father. And it made Nicky wonder why.
Lorna swallowed hard. She couldn't push the fears away. If Nicky was covering up for her dad's behavior, she needed to get to the bottom of it because she refused to allow anyone to go through the same abuse she had. "Are ya positive, Nicky? Your dad isn't—"
"Stop, enough," the redhead cried out, frustrated that she wouldn't let up on the subject. She bit her tongue after, regretting that she let herself react in such a way. She sighed and inhaled sharply. "Sorry, kid, I'm not tryna be mean. I just, I don't want to talk anymore about my dad. Why don't you tell me how you are instead, yeah? Everything okay tonight?"
Stop, enough! Enough! The words echoed piercingly in her mind; she could hear Nicky talking in the background but it was muffled as if she was underwater. Of course, Lorna knew she brought that response on herself—she shouldn't have kept pestering her on the matter, but she just couldn't stop herself from worrying. She breathed in. Stop. And breathed out. Enough! She opened her mouth (stop) and closed it again (enough!).
The next time she opened her mouth to speak she was interrupted by her bedroom door swinging open and a very angry uncle marching inside. She didn't have time to comprehend anything as he came over and yanked the phone out of her hands, throwing it across the room. Nicky's voice could be heard through the receiver yelling out her name but she had no way of going to get it. Mendez had her pinned down against the mattress of her bed.
His dark brown eyes peered menacingly down into her own. He had a sneer on his face as he finally had her exactly where he wanted. He used his hands to claw into her cheeks. There was just something so lustful about the petite brunette before him. Maybe it was her youth but whatever it was, Mendez guaranteed he'd have his way with her. He always received what he wanted and this was no different.
Lorna shut her eyes, the only thing she felt she had control over in that moment. Her body instinctively tensed from even only the breathing her uncle was doing while hovered over her. And that, right here, was what made him even worse than her father—at least he never abused in her in a sexual manner, she told herself. No wonder Stansie Morello did everything she could to keep she and her sister away from Uncle George.
She could faintly hear Nicky calling out for her on the phone that had been thrown to the floor across her room. Unfortunately, she had no way of retrieving it and hated that her friend would probably believe that she was ignoring her.
The sensation of rough fingers touching her lips quickly brought her back into reality. Right now what mattered most was finding a way to escape from beneath her uncle's uncomfortable touch. She was tempted to bite the finger that covered her lip in an effort to scare him off but thought that might be too unsanitary and refrained. Instead, she settled for taking her hands and placing them on either side of his shoulders. She pushed at them with as much force as she could to get him off of her but realized she was much too weak in comparison.
Mendez shook his head at her attempts to push him away. In fact, her actions sealed her fate he deemed. She wasn't the one in charge here; he would show her. He shoved her hands from his shoulders and turned it around so that his hands were on her shoulders, holding her down against the mattress. His face was only inches from the young teen's, his breath hot on her face. "You will regret pushing me, little princess."
Having his breath on her face, Lorna felt sick. Her heart started pounding faster in her chest. She wished she was old enough to live on her own—to not have to be in this house anymore and be forced to stay under her uncle's care while her father was away as if she was some child. Though, she knew if she were even younger that would only make this whole situation even worse. She swallowed thickly, shutting her eyes once more. As if shutting them would magically make all of this dissipate away.
"Stop calling me little princess," was the only thing that Lorna could get to come out of her mouth. Every time he referred to her as such, it made her insides twist and turn.
"You think you're in control here? Not a chance, little princess," Mendez roared back.
After retrieving her books from her locker that next morning, Lorna allowed her feet to lead her to one of the girls' restrooms. The events of last night still floated about in her mind. She felt incredibly sick and nauseous. Sick and nauseous not only at what happened but with herself as well. She should have tried harder to stop it from even transpiring in the first place. The nausea grew worse as she entered inside the bathroom; she hurriedly ran into one of the stalls and locked it shut. She reached into her purse for the toothbrush that she deliberately packed in it before leaving the house.
Her hands cupped around the toothbrush tightly. She looked down at it cautiously, wondering if she should even go through with what she had planned. It only took her a few moments of pondering before she decided to continue with her original plan. She crouched over the toilet and cautiously brought the toothbrush up towards her mouth—she had no clue what she was doing, never had she imagined herself to do something like this. In a way, it felt dirty but in another, it just seemed so natural. She sucked in a breath and opened her mouth to insert the toothbrush into. She pushed it farther back until it finally hit her gag reflex and she felt everything that was in her—mostly only coffee and water—came projecting out and landing in the toilet in front of her.
Chapter Text
Chapter Sixteen
Lorna continued the heaving for several moments until she couldn't get anything to come up anymore. Usually, she absolutely loathed the sensation of vomiting. It always made her feel gross and dirty afterwards. However, this was different—she felt a rush of euphoria at the sensation, it got her mind off of all the worries and fears that were running wild for a brief second. Now, she stood calmly over the toilet. Relieved and peaceful. She flushed it down and left the stall to wash her hands and toothbrush.
Once the toothbrush was thoroughly cleaned, she placed it back in her purse. Her eyes caught sight of her reflection in the mirror above the sink and she shuttered at what she saw. It made her thankful for her new routine; she yearned to be skinny, or better yet to be the skinniest girl in the school. Maybe if she focused on being skinny, all of the other things in her life wouldn't be so awful.
The sound of water sloshing against the floor took Lorna's attention away from the mirror. She turned towards where the sound originated from and caught sight of a dark-skinned woman—probably in her late thirties or so—pushing a mop back and forth against the tiled floor. It was mesmerizing to watch the repetitive motion.
"Oh, I didn't realize the bathroom was closed for cleaning."
The woman pushing the mop along the floor stopped immediately at the sound of someone speaking to her. It wasn't often anyone acknowledged her, and certainly not any of the students. She cautiously lifted her head to stare across at the short brunette teen. Her big brown eyes full of thought. "No, I just started. I didn't realize anyone was in here. Floor's wet might wanna be careful walking on it."
Lorna gulped uncomfortably, realizing the toilet she used to purge into would most likely have remnants left on it. The thought alone brought a guilt over her. She didn't want anyone to have to see that or know the cause of it but maybe the woman hadn't even heard what she had done. She hoped that was the case.
"Are you all right?"
The question came as a surprise to Lorna. Her eyebrows scrunched up above her eyes in confusion. Had she looked that shitty? The inquiry pondered through her mind. "I'm fine, I just forgot to have coffee this morning so I'm kinda slow."
Nodding, the woman placed her hands in the pocket of her khakis and shifted a bit in her position. It was unnatural for her to strike up a conversation with pretty much anyone, let alone one of the students. Yet, something about the young girl who stood before her caught her off guard. There was something about her that reminded her of her own self when she was the same age. She didn't know exactly what that something was but, nonetheless, she was intrigued.
"I see. You should probably start making your way to class—it's half past seven and if I remember correctly the first bell rings at quarter til'?"
Lorna nodded agreeably. She knew that was probably the best option if she didn't want to get in any more trouble with her classes. "Yeah, I guess I better. Nice talkin' to ya, um…what's your name?"
"Miss Warren, but ya can just call me Suzanne."
The brunette teen gave a nod with a smile before finally exiting the restroom and heading in the direction of her morning class.
No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't pay attention to anything that was being taught in science class that morning. Sure, she read the notes that Mrs. Bell was writing on the board and jotted them into her notebook. However, her mind could not process any of the meaning behind it. Her mind was too busy fixating on what was done to her the night before. She swallowed hard. She felt ruined. If Stansie Morello were there, she'd certainly be ashamed to call her her daughter.
And Franny—oh, God, Franny, she couldn't tell her what happened. She knew her sister would never speak to her again, probably call her a whore or slut, something provocative. And she'd be right to call her either of those. Lorna felt like a whore—a slut—after what happened. A dirty whore at that. Even the longest of showers couldn't clean her enough, she thought. She exhaled deeply, wishing there were some way to shut her mind off. At least enough for her to get through the school day.
"Lorna, come up to the board and explain to the class what happens when a cancer cell invades healthy organs," Mrs. Bell interrupted her thoughts.
That certainly did nothing to help with her spinning mind. In fact such request only worsened the thoughts that ran through it. It was as though she had been trapped inside a fish tank, the thoughts were louder than anything going on around her in the classroom. Everything on the outside was muffled through the glass. Cancer, Uncle George, Nicky—all of which twirled around in her mind. She used her hands to push against the edge of her desk, forcing herself to stand up.
It only took a matter of seconds for her to walk to the front of the room, though it felt more like an eternity. Her hands were clammy from the sweat that perspired from the pores of her skin. This wasn't a good idea, she thought. Standing in front of the class to answer some question she wasn't even sure she heard correctly. She didn't even understand why she was being forced to answer it while standing in the front of the room. It was so unusual that she wondered if she even heard that correctly.
"Cancer, uh, cancer cells—um, they-they…cancer is evil and ruins people's lives," she quickly spat out, anger rising inside of her at the question. She hated cancer—she hated people who spoke about cancer, she wanted nothing do with cancer anymore.
The class erupted into laughter. Lorna looked around with confusion; her eyes landed on the teacher, who stared back with the same confused expression etched on her face. That was when she realized Mrs. Bell must not have even called her name. All of that had just been hallucinated by her brain. She clasped her hand over her mouth in embarrassment. She felt so stupid—utterly and royally stupid.
"Ay Morello, ya know what else is evil and ruins people's lives?" A classmate called out.
By the voice alone, Lorna knew it was Annalisa. She swallowed uncomfortably, every inch of her face was a deep shade of red.
"You," the blonde yelled out with a chuckle, followed by several other snickers.
Without any care, Lorna ran out of the classroom and down the hall. She continued to run with no destination in mind. All that mattered was getting as far away from that classroom as possible. She held her hands over her ears as if that would make everything better but it didn't—it did nothing at all. Everything seemed out of control and she loathed that. She needed control and order. She needed the insanity to stop. The pain, the fears, all of it. She kept running through the hall, not stopping until she came to a corridor that separated one hall from the next.
Her breathing was hard and heavy. She crouched down for a few moments in attempt to catch her breath. Running was not something she nor her body enjoyed partaking in. Once she regained control of her breathing, she turned the corner and walked until her eyes caught glance at the door to the nurse's office. She opened it slowly and entered inside.
At her desk, looking through her emails on the computer, the sound of the door opening halted her task. Nurse Reznikov turned from the screen to find Lorna standing in the entrance way. She easily observed the not-so-well condition she seemed to be in and quickly made her way over. "Are you okay, honey?"
Lorna shook her head, trying her hardest not to burst into tears. "I just made a real big fool of myself in my science class," she shrieked. Even that was an understatement—she was positive she would remain the class's laughingstock until the day she graduated after that stunt.
Red gently grabbed her hand and helped her into her office to sit down. She looked at her in sympathy. "It's okay, it'll be forgotten soon enough. Would ya like me to fix you a cuppa tea?"
Forgotten soon enough? That was a laughable comment, she believed. She knew she would never live that down, especially not if Annalisa had anything to say about it. But she didn't say anything further on that mater, only nodded her head for a cup of tea. If only drinking the tea would take away all of the problems that seemed to be taking over her life at the moment.
The tea didn't take long to prepare and when it was finished, Nurse Reznikov gently handed it over to Lorna. She sat back down in her chair and let her blue eyes observe the other very closely. "Wanna talk about what happened in your class?"
Lorna let her hands cup around the mug of tea almost possessively. She kept her eyes focused on the liquid inside of it. All of a sudden everything in her life appeared to be out of control. She sighed an exhausted breath of air. When did she lose control of it all? The question wandered through her head. She lifted a hand and placed it over one of her temples.
"I just—I'm an idiot," she spewed out, ashamed of herself over what happened.
Shaking her head in disagreement, Red reached over to place a comforting hand atop Lorna's. She let her blue eyes study the young teen methodically; there was a noticeable pain lurking over her, she noted. "You are not an idiot," her Russian accent thickly pronounced with each word that firmly came from her mouth. "Why don't you tell me what went on, okay?"
Switching which leg she crossed over the other, the petite teen only shrugged. Sharing it with the nurse would only bring her more embarrassment, she deemed. "I'm just so stupid, I stood in front of the class and answered a question that I guess the teacher never even asked me. And the whole class just laughed. I can never show my face again," she exclaimed, her face red with shame and disgust.
"Oh, honey," Red hushed, letting her fingers brush soothingly over pale knuckles. "First, you're not stupid at all. I can promise you you're not the first person that that's happened to. And second, all of this will blow over. I know to you it feels like it won't but it will. I know kids can be mean but they'll find something else to focus on by tomorrow. Don't worry."
Instead of heading home once school ended, Lorna decided to walk into the city to stop at the coffee shop. She was in no mood to deal with her uncle's perverted behavior. The walk happened to take a lot longer than if she were heading to her house, she soon noticed. By the time she made it to the small town, the sun had already begun its descent into the horizon. A light snow started to fall, coating her jacket in little white specs.
The strong aroma of coffee alerted her that she was nearing the shop. She gladly opened the door and entered inside to get out of the cold, wet, snow. Warmth instantly welcomed her the minute she set foot in the building, she walked down towards the sales counter in the hope of finding her sister working it but instead saw the black-haired woman from the other day. She tried to think of her name but kept coming up blank.
"So, Alex, I'm tryna find a way to move back down here."
Alex—that was her name Lorna remembered after hearing her friend's voice referring to the barista as such. Oh, shit, she thought as she very slowly walked closer to the counter, that meant Nicky was there talking to her and when she realized she was there as well, she would surely be upset with her after last night's phone call incident.
Lorna inched herself closer to the front of the sales desk but stopped halfway when she caught sight of the familiar redhead leaning over the counter and chatting with the barista. She mentally argued with herself if she should ask to see if her sister was there; she didn't want to interrupt their conversation. Fortunately, she didn't have to make the decision.
"Yeah, what can I get for ya?" The barista's raspy voice called out from behind the counter.
With their conversation paused, Nicky turned her head interestedly to see the customer. Her eyes slightly widened when she realized it was Lorna. She folded her arms over her chest while letting her eyes fiercely observe every inch of her.
Having both sets of eyes on her only heightened the already building nervousness inside of her. She shifted her legs out of habit. "Oh, uh, I just was wondering if uh—if my sister was working? Her name is Franny Morello."
Alex took a quick glance over the employee schedule and shook her head. "No, sorry, she just left before I got here. Can I get ya a coffee or anything?"
The petite brunette shook her head and exhaled a strong breath; she turned away and started walking towards a table. She couldn't face Nicky, not after the incident from yesterday; she was too ashamed of herself.
There was an obvious change in her demeanor, Nicky noted. Her eyes watched with concern, she didn't like what she was seeing. She followed behind her and reached ahead to place a gentle hand on her shoulder. "Lorna, what's wrong?"
It surprised her that Nicky spoke to her. She thought for sure she had ruined their friendship with her previous actions—or rather the actions of her uncle. The uncle who was probably sitting at home wondering where the hell she was. God, she had a headache. Her hands reached up to lay over her temples. She didn't know what to respond to Nicky's question with. There was hardly any energy left in her to come up with a believable excuse. Yet, she would never admit to anything else.
"Oh, no, nothing's wrong. I just I figured I upset ya last night on the phone. I'm sorry about that."
"What happened last night, kid? I heard a thump and then nothing."
Lorna swallowed uncomfortably as she tried to think of what to say without giving anything away. She never really was aware just how exhausting it was to keep up with all those lies she seemed to constantly create until that very moment. "My uncle came in and threw my phone—he was just mad because I woke him."
Nicky squinted her eyes as she listened to the words that her friend spoke, unsure whether or not she believed her.. She kept her hand on Lorna's shoulder and brushed her fingers softly around its flesh. "Yeah? Is that all, kid?"
The brunette meekly nodded and pursed her lips in a smile. A smile that seemed lifeless, that felt lifeless even. "Mhmm," was her curt response, she longed to get out of the mess she was in but had no clue how to even go about that. Just thinking about the how caused her even more stress. She felt tears line the bottom of her eyes but squinted them to prevent any of said tears from falling.
Without even saying anything, the redhead gently grabbed her hand and took her to sit down at one of the tables. She sat down on the other side, across from her, and reached her hands over to cup around Lorna's. "You're not okay, are you?" The more she watched her, the more she noticed how timid and shaky she was. She didn't even need to hear her response to know that something was going on. Her fingers drew tender circles around the flesh of the other's hand.
Lorna continued to smile. "I'm fine, hon. I am, really. Everything is fine. Life is perfect." How could she expect anyone else to believe that when even she didn't?
"No," Nicky told her, moving her hands to cup around Lorna's face. "You're not. You're not okay at all, kid."
No matter how truthful those words were, Lorna refused to admit such to her friend or anyone, honestly. Admitting that would mean giving up the one thing that was keeping her together. And that was something she had no desire to do any time soon. Though it may have warmed her heart that Nicky always appeared to so easily see through her façade, it also made keeping that same façade up that much more of a challenge. She sucked in a deep breath—and the way Nicky stared so intensely at her only made trying to keep her charade going even harder.
"I am really okay, hon," she tried again, forcing another smile. Maybe if she kept repeating those words it would make it true.
However, no matter how many times Nicky heard her say that, she wasn't buying into it. She knew a lie when she heard one and Lorna continuously telling her how okay she was proved to her that she was not. Okay people didn't need to keep insisting they were okay. That was similar to her saying she didn't need a cigarette while holding one between her fingers. "Sure, and I'm happy to be staying at my dad's," she responded, throwing her hands up.
The brunette focused her stare on the table where her hands were resting. There was a throbbing ache gradually starting to form between her two temples. She reached her hands up to touch over them, rubbing in a circular motion to ease it away. Of course, Nicky couldn't be more right. Lorna was anything but okay—it wasn't like she didn't know that. She just didn't want other people to know, or rather, see that. It was easier to put on a smile than to give into the hopelessness that she so desperately tried to push away.
"Are ya gonna tell me what's the matter?" Nicky sat with her arms still crossed over her chest. She kept her eyes on the brunette, watching her every move closely—even the micro ones that anyone else would easily overlook.
Nicky only meant well. It was clearly evident she sincerely cared for her and of course Lorna appreciated that. She really did. However, she wasn't prepared to let anyone into her completely fucked up bubble right then—in a strange, sick, way she liked keeping it hidden from everyone. She liked the idea of pretending. Pretending gave her a rush of adrenaline like how drugs gave highs; pretending was her high. It gave her an out from all the hurt and abuse. Made her feel more in control for once. She needed something that she could grasp onto.
"I just…erm, I had a bad day at school is all," Lorna finally answered, surprised at how confident her voice was—yet pleased for that, maybe the confidence would convince the other to believe her.
Eyes softened vaguely, Nicky moved her hand to tuck a strand of hair behind her friend's ear. "Yeah, wanna talk about it?"
It felt like a victory to hear that question come from the older teen—she knew that meant she actually succeeded in convincing her that her behavior was only due to a shitty school day. Yet, even though she accomplished exactly what she set out to, she couldn't stop the guilt that gradually loomed over her. Lying to the people she cared about made her feel ashamed. She knew it wasn't right to do, however, she also believed the lies were only to protect herself. She had to protect herself because she certainly didn't trust anyone else to do that for her.
"I made a big fool of myself in class and now I just—I wish I could be an adult already so I'd never have to go to school again."
The comment brought both a chuckle out of her and a tenderness over her. The hand that she still had cupped around Lorna's cheek, she let the tips of her fingers caress around her porcelain-toned flesh. "I can promise you that ya ain't a fool," her husky voice firmly assured. A tender smile easily molded on her face. She moved her fingers to delicately circle around the outline of Lorna's forehead. "I will do everything I can to find a way to move back here, yeah? I hate school too but it would at least be better if we were in the same school again, yeah?"
Lorna felt her eyes instinctively shut at the redhead's gentle stroking right above them. Thank God she wasn't as weak as her child-self because her soft tone and sincerity was almost tempting her to blurt everything out. But she refrained from giving in. It was for the best that she kept all of the darkness inside—not only to protect herself but to protect Nicky as well. She settled for a faded smile and bounced her shoulders in a shrug.
"How do ya plan to do that, hon? School would really be better with ya there but how ya gonna get your dad to let you move back?"
Whether that smile was a joyful one or not, it still had the power of making everything inside of Nicky turn into Jell-O. She pushed aside the feeling, however, and peered fiercely ahead at the shorter teen. "I have a plan I'm working on, kid. I talked to Red, the nurse, and she said if my parents are okay with it—which I know they will be—that I can move in with her," she stated matter-of-factly.
Sure, those weren't the exact words Red had spoken to her but she knew that was what was truly meant. And it was only a matter of time before her parents agreed to it—she daydreamed quite often of the thought of packing up her belongings and driving away to wherever Nurse Reznikov lived. Envisioned she and her beloved school nurse sitting on the front porch of said house while having tea and discussing little things like the warm sunshine or the bird that just shit all over the table. It was a pleasant thought that brought a warmth over Nicky. She longed for that day.
Chapter 18
Notes:
Quick Author's Note: I just want to thank everyone who's still reading this story. It truly means a lot to me, I didn't expect it to be read at all, honestly, since I abandoned it for a year.
Chapter Text
Chapter Seventeen
The later it grew the less motivation Lorna had to head back home. Albeit Nicky's leaving a half hour ago, she stayed back in an attempt to put off going to deal with her uncle. She couldn't face that man again, certainly not after last night. She shuttered at the memory. It must have been later than she thought when she noticed the barista turning off the lights behind the pastry counters. A knot slowly formed in her stomach. That meant she had to start heading back home. Home, she thought, more like prison.
"Shop closes in about ten minutes," the black-haired woman informed her. She gathered the keys from the counter, throwing her handbag over her shoulder and started locking up all the drawers.
Lorna swallowed hard; she fumbled through her purse for her phone and flipped it open to see the time. It was almost ten o'clock she realized and exhaled sharply. She had a hunch that her uncle probably wouldn't be happy with her when she arrived home. Her mind desperately raced for a way to halt having to go back. Her eyes widened once an inclination came over her. "I can help clean up if ya need it," she offered, frantically hoping the other would agree.
The offer brought a friendly smile to Alex's face as she started in on washing the small pile of dishes. Albeit the smile, she shook her head and poked her face from behind the sink in the back area. "I appreciate the offer, kid, but only employees can be back here to clean."
"Well, I mean, I could use a job—can I become an employee here?"
Chuckling faintly at the comment, the dark haired woman only shrugged. "That would be up to the manager here but you're probably not even old enough to apply, yeah? How old are ya?"
"Why, how old ya gotta be to work here? I mean my sista, Franny, works here," Lorna pointed out, hoping that would somehow aid in her receiving employment.
"Sixteen at the very least. Well, yeah, that's because she's older than sixteen."
Lorna sighed, realizing she wasn't going to be getting a job any time soon. She knew the longer she stayed there stalling the inevitable, the more likely things would only worsen for her when she finally did arrive back home. "But I'm fifteen, isn't that close enough?" It wouldn't hurt to try at least one more time, she decided as she ignored her intuition.
Alex only shook her head. Though she admired the young teen's persistence, it wasn't her place to be hiring or not hiring anyone. She placed the washed dishes onto the drying pad on the right of the sink. "I'm not the manager so I can't help ya. But no, fifteen is not close enough. It's getting late anyway, shouldn't you be heading home? Speaking of, how're ya gonna get home? You obviously can't drive."
"I'm walking home, it's good exercise," was Lorna's response, letting her shoulders bounce up in a shrug. Maybe it wasn't the safest for her to be walking back in the dark but she surely wasn't about to ring her uncle to get her. Plus, the walk would give her time to prepare herself.
Arching her eyebrows, the older girl gave her an indecipherable stare. At that time of night—especially in the small city—it certainly wasn't the most ideal notion for anyone to be walking the streets—even less so for a young teenage girl. And hearing Lorna's plan, Alex hadn't been too keen on allowing her to do that. Not only for the teen's sake but also because she worked with her older sister and would be damned if she unintentionally let harm come to her by not stopping her from walking the streets at such a late hour.
"It's also pitched black out," Alex pointed out, pushing her glasses up with her index finger. "I don't feel comfortable letting you walk home this late, honestly, kid."
Pushing a strand of hair away from her eyes, the brunette shrugged once more. It hadn't seemed like a big deal to her. Walking the streets this time of night was probably safer than spending the night in the same place as Mendez, she supposed. "I'll be fine."
The other shook her head; there was no way she was risking it. If she just let her go and something ended up happening, the guilt would be too much. She finished cleaning up behind the counter and grabbed her things from the cubby before making her way to the front of the coffee shop. Her hand waved at Lorna, gesturing for her to follow. "I'll drive ya home. It's the safest option. Just let me know the address."
Hoping, as she tiptoed inside, that her uncle had already gone to bed, she learnt quickly that her hope wasn't anything more than a hope. She caught sight of him half asleep on the recliner, surrounded by several empty beer bottles. That made her question if alcoholism ran in the family. She shook her head in dismay, trying to walk without sound. It seemed to work seeing that she was halfway up the stairs. But then something fell and clacked rather loudly against the wooden floor. She shut her eyes in irritation, using one hand to slick back her hair.
Mendez stirred in his sleep; his hands moving for the remote on the coffee table. He muted it and turned towards where the noise came from. His eyes quickly landed on the petite, slender, frame of his youngest niece. A hungry smirk shaped onto his face. But quickly the smirk was replaced with a distasteful scowl as he remembered just how late she'd been from school. He shook his head angrily, sitting up and kicking the reclining chair back to an upright position.
"And just where the hell have you been, little princess?" Knowing how much the nickname bothered her encouraged him to use it even more for her. His arms were folded over his chest as he glared the young teen over.
Little princess. Each time he referred to her as such she felt as though she was going to throw up. The name made her mentally and physically cringe. She shifted her feet in an uncomfortable silence while grappling the wooden rail even tighter. "Nowhere—I just came down for a glass a water," the lie came out without her even needing to think about it. She kept her eyes on the railing—she couldn't bare to look at the man sitting down there, if he could even be considered one.
That was an obvious fib, Mendez easily picked up on—he may have been slightly buzzed from the four beers he drank but he clearly remembered Lorna not coming home after the school day ended. Anger rose within. He didn't like being lied to. "You think I'm stupid?" his voice boomed through the room. He stood up from the recliner and started walking up the stairs behind the young girl. When she started running up the rest of the way, he grabbed her from behind and pushed her so that she tripped and smashed her face against the hard ground.
No sooner she got herself back up, she felt her uncle's cold, grimy, hands yanking at her from behind and nearly dragging her up the rest of the way. The skin beneath her nose felt sticky and slightly wet and when she looked behind her, she noticed the blood stains on the spot where she fell. She pieced it all together and concluded that the fall—thanks to her uncle—and collision of her face against the wood floor caused her a bloody nose.
The blood stained floor didn't go unnoticed by Mendez. However, instead of showing any compassion or concern, he only dragged her the rest of the way through the hall to her bedroom. "Now you're really in for it," he yelled, throwing her roughly against the mattress of her bed and hovering over top of her. "First I'm gonna fucking have my way with ya, little princess, and then you're cleaning that blood up. After the damn stunt you pulled today, that's the least ya can do. You're lucky the punishment isn't any harsher."
School was a relief to Lorna. Even after the incident yesterday, school still was a much a better place to be than stuck in that house with her uncle. Yet, before she could even start in the direction of her first class, she needed to stop in the restroom. She hadn't thought it was possible to feel even dirtier and nastier than the first time but clearly it was. Her uncle turned her into a sick, disgusting, used whore. She was embarrassed, ashamed—disgusted of the person she seemed to be turning into.
She cautiously entered into the bathroom and when she passed the row of mirrors that lined the walls in front of the stalls, she quickly glanced at her reflection. What she saw nauseated her. It gave her even more initiative to enter inside one of those stalls. And she did so without another thought; it brought her comfort the second she locked the door. She knelt on the ground—albeit how many germs were surely embedded into the tiles beneath her—and bent her head over the toilet. Her hand rapidly grabbed the toothbrush from her purse and got to work at ridding herself of anything and everything that was inside of her.
The sound of her retching echoed rather loudly through the room. It was so loud that Lorna only hoped there was no one else in the room. She didn't need anyone to know about her little secret. However, the sound of footsteps on the other side of the stall formed a lump in the pit of her stomach. She hurriedly flushed the toilet and threw the toothbrush back in her purse. Her cheeks flushed bright red, a mixture of shame and anxiety. She moved to sit on the toilet, pulling her legs up in case whoever was in there tried searching through the stalls.
A silent breath escaped her; she wondered how long it would take before whoever was on the other side finally left.
"Oh no I know someone's in here," the voice called out coolly. "And I ain't leaving til' ya come out."
Lorna closed her eyes and rubbed at her temples. She knew exactly who that voice belonged to—Annalisa. Knowing the person who heard her purging was her bully only worsened her shame. There was no way she could exit that stall with her outside of it. She crouched back even further—which was near impossible with how far she'd already been ducked on the seat—as if that alone would magically make the other disappear from the room.
Her refusal to leave the stall did nothing but add fuel to Annalisa's anger. She could hear her footsteps seemingly walking back and forth in front of the row of stalls. A lump formed in her stomach; she realized even if she stayed in there without a sound, soon enough the other girl would figure out she was there. Her stomach churned at the thought. As if Annalisa needed any more reason to torment her.
"I'll just kick the stall doors until I find you," the blonde informed her. She slammed her hand roughly against the metal frames of each door.
With a breath of hesitation, Lorna very slowly got up from the toilet and reached her hand to place on the lock. She stood there momentarily frozen. The idea of opening that door and coming face-to-face with Annalisa, of all people, made her want to hover over that toilet for a second round. However, she sucked in a breath and finally pushed open the stall to slowly exit out of.
Realizing the culprit of the retching to be Lorna, the blonde couldn't help but snicker. It didn't surprise her at all to know her little, petite, classmate was a bulimic. In fact, it made sense and surely gave Annalisa even more advantage. She leaned against the stall while her blue eyes peered menacingly over the smaller teen. "What were ya doing in there, hmm?"
"I was going to the bathroom—what else would I be doing?" Lorna meekly answered, walking past her and over to the sink to wash her hands.
A chuckle bolted up from the taller teen's windpipe. She kept her stance against the metal frame of the stall behind her and brought her arms up to fold over her chest. "Yeah right," her voice mocked; she placed a finger into her mouth as if to gag herself. "You were throwing up, I'm not deaf or stupid."
Lorna swallowed a relatively large amount of saliva, shifting her feet uncomfortably. "Yeah, uh, because I was sick. Will ya just leave me alone?"
How easily it was for her to cause distress to Lorna fashioned a rather hefty grin onto Annalisa's face. It proved exactly how much power she had over the younger teen. She was pleased with herself for that. "Oh yeah, you're sick alright—sick in the head," she retorted with a laugh, moving her finger to the top of her head and patting it in a taunting manner.
"You forced yourself to throw up and you should keep it up. Your clothes look too tight. Maybe try laxatives while you're at it, you need all the help you can get."
Before she even had a chance to absorb any of what was said to her to form some sort of response back, she watched as the blonde shoved at her on her way out of the bathroom. Left alone, Lorna turned back to face the mirror. Her eyes searched every inch of her body, focusing in on the fat that seemed to cluster around her waist and abdomen. That sight only confirmed Annalisa's words. She needed to keep the new purging routine going to get rid of all the fat that seemed to reside on her body.
"Don't listen to that girl," a familiar voice called out, immediately pulling Lorna from her thoughts.
The interruption brought her back to reality—which she was grateful for—and she twisted around to see it was the janitor from the day before. Without even a thought, she felt a small smile appear on her face. She felt safe in the older woman's presence, even more so then after hearing the words she just spoke. Her eyes watched as the dark-complected woman wiped down the mirrors. "Oh, uh, didn't even know anyone else was here."
Grabbing a paper towel from her supplies cart, Suzanne used it to carefully dry the solution from the reflective glass. She turned her head slightly to stare at the short brunette. "I was here long enough to hear what that little blondie was sayin' to ya and it wasn't very polite. Don't listen to a word she said, it's all nonsense."
"You should get some help, though, because it's not healthy to make yourself sick."
Lorna gave a frank nod despite the fact that she wasn't planning on doing that. There wasn't anything wrong with her behavior, she rationalized in her mind; no, no, it was only to help calm the emotions and anxiety occasionally. It was normal. And it wasn't like she did it that often, it was only done when needed.
The day passed on much quicker than she expected, and, thankfully, there was no further mention of her bathroom rendezvous from Annalisa. After she left the school, she made the semi-short walk back to her house. A decision she wasn't particularly enthused with but rather one that would benefit her more than anything else—in the sense that whatever her uncle had in store would not be worsened by her avoiding going home. At least that was what she was banking on.
Once she arrived inside the house, fifteen minutes after she began her walk, she was pleasantly surprised to see that the living room was empty. She hadn't a clue where her uncle had gone and didn't care too much either; she was only grateful to have some time without his presence. The house had a rather serene aura now that it was only Lorna there. She felt a sense of peace. With a smile, she set her school stuff aside and went off through the kitchen to the backdoor that led to their back porch.
A nice breeze came through the air as Lorna sat down on one of the semi-worn-out wicker chairs. The weather was still cold with snow drizzling here and there but the sun shined brightly in the sky. It impulsively sculpted a smile on her face. She sat there, kicked up her feet on the plastic end table that she previously moved in front of her, and let her face soak up the sunlight. Birds chirped in the background, a sound she treasured. She soon became mesmerized by the sun's beams pouring through the branches of a tree with a pair of red cardinals perching on one.
Loud banging on the door brought her out of the peaceful daze rapidly. It was loud but she could tell it wasn't from the door behind her once she opened it and saw no one standing there. She quickly walked back inside and pushed through to the front door in the living room. It certainly wouldn't be Mendez, she conferred since he had a key. She arched her eyebrows in wonder. Yet, once she opened it and seen Nicky there before her, she felt a bout of concern.
"Nicky? I wasn't expecting ya," she softly greeted, letting her brown eyes look her over attentively. There was something blatantly off with her, she silently noted. "What brings you here, hon?"
Relieved that Lorna was there to answer her frantic knocking on the door, Nicky gripped the strap of her satchel anxiously. Her eyes were faintly bloodshot as she returned the younger girl's gaze. Though her father wasn't as awful as Marka, their relationship wasn't any better either. Of course, he wasn't mean or abusive or anything of that nature but he certainly had little interest in her life. And that only continued to enforce the thought that she was truly unwanted—that if her own parents hadn't wanted her then obviously no one else would either.
The more she focused on Nicky, the easier it was for her to pick up on the strained aura that seemed to emanate from her. She stepped back slightly from the door and used her hands to motion for her friend to come in. Her eyes observed her as she complied and entered in the house. She led them up to her room, to avoid her uncle in case he came back, and the two of them sat on the pale pink cashmere rug that was placed on the floor in front of Lorna's bed.
Nicky situated herself so that she was sitting crossed-legged. Her hands grasped onto the faux fur of the rug underneath them, allowing her fingers to brush small strands back and forth. "I needed to get away from my dad—he has a new girlfriend and obviously that's what's most important to him. I just can't deal with it anymore," she stated while shaking her head.
"I'm sorry, hon." Lorna murmured, gently reaching a hand over to cover atop the redhead's. She brushed her thumb soothingly over her knuckles, gazing at her with a softness lurking in her brown eyes. "You've been cryin', haven't ya? Wanna talk about it?"
"Thanks, kid," the older teen replied, squeezing the hand that held hers gently. Her head shook slightly at the question. Crying was most definitely not an activity Nicky took part in in the past twenty-four hours. She swallowed a small amount of saliva. Clearly, it was evident that she had bloodshot eyes—and Lorna being the naïve, sweet, friend that she was acquainted that to having cried. That was not the culprit, however. Nicky grabbed onto the small baggie in her skort's pocket.
"Nah, I have not been crying at all."
The statement had Lorna's eyebrows curved inquisitively. She kept her hold on the other's hand, now stroking her thumb delicately around her palm. "Are ya sure? Your eyes are all red. Are you okay?"
It always warmed her heart how caring Lorna was—especially when it was directed towards her. Given the situation between she and her parents, Nicky was unfamiliar with being cared for or about. Naturally, then, anytime Lorna asked about her or sought to comfort her in some way, it filled her with a warm and fuzzy sensation. A foreign sense to her.
And, because of how kind Lorna was to her, she knew she had to be honest with her—she didn't want to ever do anything to jeopardize the relationship they shared. So, with a long sigh, she took the baggie from her pocket and held it up to Lorna. "This is the reason my eyes are so red right now," she told her, slightly wagging the plastic entrapment in front of her.
Chapter Text
Chapter Eighteen
Confusion expressed on her face, Lorna slowly grabbed the plastic bag from Nicky's hands for closer inspection. She noticed the fine white powder that lumped together at the bottom of the bag and grew more concerned. "What is this, Nicky?"
"It's, um, heroin," the words slightly stammered out of her. It was rare for Nicky to ever have such a hard time getting words to come out in sentences. She always felt perfectly fine saying whatever was on her mind, but there with Lorna—one of the only people she really cared about—she found speaking to be a nerve-racking predicament. The idea of disappointing her formed an ache in her chest.
Heroin. Heroin? Lorna tried to make sense of all that was before her. She wasn't too familiar with what exactly heroin was but knew it hadn't exactly been a good thing. She put the baggie aside and reached over to cup her hands warmly around the other's cheeks. Her eyes searched over Nicky thoroughly, she brushed her fingers lightly along her cheeks. "Where did ya get that, hon? How much did ya have of it?"
Nicky momentarily shut her eyes at the gentle touch. Such a tender gesture immediately had a guilt rise within her. After a few silent minutes, she reopened her eyes and stared back at Lorna with a slightly faint shame hidden in her own. "Just this girl in my new school—I was having a shitty day, I hate my dad's girlfriend and she just so happened to ask me if I wanted this baggie so I took it. I only had a little of it, kid."
Crossing her arms over her chest, the brunette sucked in a sharp breath. She wasn't mad but certainly didn't like the idea of this new friend Nicky had—what kind of friend would encourage this kind of behavior, she antagonized in her head. However, she refrained from saying anything; she knew she'd be a hypocrite to do that when she, too, may or may not have been taking part in unhealthy behaviors. But she didn't care about herself—she cared more for Nicky's well-being, the last thing she wanted was for her to do anything that could harm herself.
"Who is this girl that gave it to ya?" She questioned but uncrossed her arms and instead wrapped them around Nicky. "How come you don't like his girlfriend? Is she not nice?"
"Eh, her name's Boo—she's a senior and has a random stash of heroin, I guess. I mean I shouldn'ta taken it, but God, I needed something to take the edge off and she didn't have any cigarettes so I just accepted the heroin instead."
Lorna swallowed hard, tightening her arms slightly around her. She remembered her mother always telling her to stay away from drugs—how dangerous they were. The thought of Nicky using drugs terrified her; she couldn't stand the idea of something happening to her from heroin or anything else it could lead to. "Did ya do the heroin because of your dad's girlfriend? Why don't ya like her, hon?"
Retrieving the baggie from where Lorna placed it, Nicky put it back in her pocket. She sighed. Opening up about her home life was not something she particularly enjoyed. "Not just that," she shrugged, though relaxed cautiously into the other's embrace. Another small sigh tumbled out of her. "My father is literally with a gold-digger. I mean she's like probably only four years older than me. It's gross. But all he does is give everything to that damn woman. I'm just over it."
It wasn't hard for Lorna to hear the suffering in her voice. An ache formed in her chest. "That's awful, hon. She's not mean to ya, is she?"
Nicky chortled at the question. The woman barely spoke to her; more like she was a selfish—entitled—bitch, she thought to herself. "Nah—she hardly gives me the light of day, kid. She's too busy fucking my father for money to even realize I'm his child. Hell, my dad hardly remembers that I'm his child too. I really just wanna fucking move out. It's clear I'm a nuisance to him just like I am to Marka."
Lorna stayed silent for a moment, watching as Nicky grabbed at her pocket again and slipped the baggie from it. She cupped her hands around her face once more and leaned her forehead delicately over the other's. "Please, no more of that. Not tonight, anyway," her voice delicately pleaded, one of her index fingers drawing soft circles around the flesh of Nicky's face. "Ya may be a nuisance to your parents but you're not to me—you're the best friend I could ever even dream of, honey. I wish you had better parents because you deserve to be told how important you are."
"Important is a thing I am not, kid."
"That's not true," Lorna murmured, continuing to trace comforting circles around her cheeks. It hurt her heart tremendously to hear Nicky say that about herself. A blatant lie that was the fault of her own parents—the two people who were supposed to love her unconditionally.
"It is true. Believe me. If I was important, my parents wouldn't fight over who is burdened with me living under their roof. But it's fine, I'm used to it and I'm over it," the redhead responded deadpanned while holding the small bag in front of her. She sighed. "At least this stuff right here doesn't abandon me, yeah?"
Lorna felt a lump in her throat. She reached a hand over to try to pry the bag from her hands. "You're not using anymore of that stuff today, hon. I won't let you. Let's just—how about we just relax on my bed, okay? Ya want some water or food or anything, Nicky?"
Shaking her head at the suggestion, Nicky only moved her hand towards the other's that was wrapped around the precious bag of heroin. The teeny bag with finely grated white powder her body so heavily yearned for at that moment. All she wanted—needed—was that damn heroin. "Come on, kid, give it back. That's mine."
Placing the bag up on her dresser, out of reach from her friend, Lorna shook her head and carefully pulled the older girl up off the floor and helped her onto the bed. "You're not getting it tonight, hon. I'm sorry but I care about you and I don't think heroin will do anything good for ya. Let's just lay here for a bit and not talk about doing drugs, okay?" She gently laid Nicky back against the mattress and wrapped the comforter warmly around her.
Lorna rested on her side, reaching a hand over to tenderly cradle around the redhead's cheek. "Did ya drive here?"
The tender gesture nearly brought her to tears. It was so foreign for Nicky to be cared for in a manner such as what Lorna was doing for her at that very moment. She bit the side of her mouth to keep her emotions from bubbling to the surface. "Course' I drove here, kid, how else would I get here?"
"But you're obviously high from the heroin…Nicky, hon, ya coulda got in an accident or something. Please, please don't do anything like that again. If you're gonna get high, at least, please be safe. I don't want anything to happen to ya," the brunette whispered, emotion easily emphasized with each word she spoke. She threw her arms tightly—desperately almost—around Nicky, pulling her close. Lips pressed warmly against her forehead.
"Just, just lay your head on my chest and try to sleep, Nicky. I'm real worried about ya. And I can't let anything bad happen to you. You're too important to do this to yourself. I know you might not think you're important—but-but honey, you are real real special to me. And Red—you're important to her, too. We can-we can be your family, Nicky."
Nicky happily obliged, allowing her head to rest atop the smaller teen's chest. She was too dazed and disoriented from the heroin to even have the energy to object anything Lorna was saying. But she definitely didn't miss the feeling of warmth rush through her at the gentle thumping of her friend's heart beating in her ear. For the first time, in a long while, Nicky felt a sense of security. A sense of empathy and compassion—two things both Marka and Les lacked. Lorna showed her both of those things, naturally.
"I love you, kid," was the last thing she said before sleep finally overtook her.
The words were undoubtedly heard by Lorna. Though she wasn't sure if it was the heroin talking or not, she took those words to heart. Lorna lay there beside her, holding Nicky's head against her chest, and combed her fingers over and over through her hair in the most delicate of ways. Hearing those three words come from her lips, Lorna brushed a soft kiss on the top of her head and exhaled a large breath. She smiled softly to herself and carefully placed her mouth right above the other's ear. "I love you too, honey."
The sound of staggering footsteps creaking against the wooden floor outside her bedroom instantly woke Lorna from her slumber hours later. Moonlight shined in through the window behind her bed. She still had Nicky's head resting on her chest and the thought of having to move her brought a diluted disappointment over her. However, she'd rather not have her uncle come barging in with her friend there. So, with a grudgeful sigh, Lorna carefully moved the other's head over to the pillow. She tiptoed her way towards the door and cautiously opened it enough so that she could poke her head out.
Her uncle stood outside the door, slamming his fists against the plaster of the wall. To avoid waking her friend, Lorna quietly made her way out of the room and, dreadfully, into his presence. She could smell the alcohol from a foot away. The scent confirmed that it must have been a hereditary issue. A drunken father and uncle. She sighed. Consumed in her mind, the sensation of hands grabbing viciously at her neck came as a terrifying surprise to her. She sputtered to catch her breath.
"Ya never cleaned the fuckin' blood, little princess," Mendez growled. He pushed her up against the wall, his hands still wrapped snugly around her neck. The pupils in his eyes were dilated and glaring darkly ahead of him into Lorna's terrified ones. The large amount of alcohol he consumed heavily impaired him but not enough to stop him from nearly strangling his young niece to death. When her lips faintly started to blue, he finally released her and threw her against the wall.
In the bedroom, Nicky lay in the bed jolted awake from the vibrations of Lorna's being slammed against the wall on the other side. A headache lurked in the back of her head, she ran a hand through her messy curls and carefully got up to find what was causing all the noise. She quietly slid her way out the door of her friend's room into the hallway, her eyes widened as they focused on what was happening right in front of her.
Lorna crouched against the corner of the wall, trying to push herself back up. An unfamiliar man hovered over her as he yelled obscenities at her. Albeit being somewhat hazy from the earlier heroin usage, Nicky quickly acted and put herself in between the two of them. She did her best to assist Lorna up from the ground. Her big brown eyes peered across at the man with a noticeable fury seeping from them. "Don't touch Lorna," she ragefully seethed at him, tightening her arms around her friend.
"And just who the hell do ya think you are little girl?" Mendez questioned, returning her dark gaze.
Nicky cautiously began moving away from him while keeping her arms firm around Lorna's waist. "Lorna's best friend and I don't know what ya were doing to her but I'm not letting it continue. She's coming with me."
The pair of teens sat in Nicky's car parked on the curb in front of the Morello house. Moonlight brightly lit the sky and poured in the windows of the vehicle. The brightness from the moon shinning through made it easier for Nicky to examine Lorna's body. When she caught a glimpse of faded handprints on her neck, she felt her breathe catch. She instinctively reached a hand over to place delicately onto her cheek. Eyes fixed their soft gaze directly into the smaller girl's.
"What happened, kid?" She inquired in an unusually hushed voice. The haziness from the heroin seemed to have subsided. Now, all that mattered, was figuring out what exactly was going on with her best friend.
An uncomfortable pang sat in the bottom of her stomach. Lorna still hadn't fully processed all that took place in the span of only minutes. The walls were closing in on her. She opened her mouth to gasp for air. That wasn't supposed to happen. Nicky was never supposed to find out about her demented uncle. She was never supposed to find out that her life was anything other than normal. No, she thought, she wasn't going to allow that incident to change anything. She wasn't ready to let go.
Brushing her fingers lightly along the frame of the window beside her, Lorna finally had the momentum to speak words once more. "That was just my uncle—he was mad because I forgot to clean the stairs after school. I'm sorry he woke ya, hon."
The comment did nothing but add to the already bubbling ferocity that previously claimed her. Nicky gritted her teeth to keep it from showing—it wasn't directed at Lorna, however, the words she said infuriated her. She loathed the thought of her friend minimizing such a serious situation. She caressed the tips of her fingers soothingly along the outline of her cheeks. "Mad or not doesn't justify what just happened to you, kid. Don't apologize. You did nothing wrong."
"You know, now it makes sense."
Lorna squinted her eyes inquisitively. "Now what makes sense?"
"Why ya were so scared the other night when ya thought someone was in the house," Nicky easily answered. She held her gaze, moving a finger over to gently push a strand of hair from the other's eyes. "Has your uncle been like this the whole time?"
Without even a second of hesitation, the younger teen shook her head copiously. She wasn't letting her in any closer. Not now; now certainly wasn't the time to be letting anyone delve into her chaotic personal life. "No, hon, he's usually really nice. He just, uh, had too much to drink and I did forget to clean like I promised. It's fine, no need to worry about it. How are you feeling? Are ya less high now?"
"Fine? No, Lorna, it's not fine. Not at all. He had his hands around your neck, I see the damn handprints on it. That is not even close to being fine. Why are you so adamant on pretending it's okay? Your uncle coulda killed ya, kid."
Lorna exhaled sharply and gently reached her hand over to cup around one of Nicky's. "I know, hon, but it wasn't purposefully done. My uncle just got too drunk and didn't really know what he was doing. Nothing like that ever happened before, I swear. And it won't ever happen again."
The words she just heard strengthened the irritation that already emanated within her. Nicky took a moment to collect herself, knowing that getting upset with the younger girl wouldn't be of any benefit to either of them. It wasn't even Lorna that she was upset with anyway, she deciphered. "Lorna, I don't know if I believe you. You have a tendency to downplay everything," she softly pointed out and switched the positions of their hands so that hers was covering the brunette's.
"I'm being honest. Can we drop it please? And where are we going?"
Nicky crossed her arms over her chest and gave her a stern stare. "I care about you, Lorna, and I really hope you are being honest. I don't want anything to happen to you," were the words she settled on stating after mentally contemplating for a few moments. She finally turned the key in the ignition to start the car before looking back at Lorna. "We're going to Alex's house, she doesn't live far from here."
Just as Nicky had previously mentioned Alex's place wasn't far and the drive only lasted a quick five minutes. Peering out of the car window, Lorna focused her eyes on the small house perched on the tiniest lot in the neighborhood. It didn't look to have a basement or second floor. A quaint, petite, house with an endearing ether. She followed the redhead's lead, unfastening her seatbelt and getting out of the car. As they made their way to the front door, she glanced up at the sky to see it lit up with millions of stars. It was a satisfying sight.
The wait didn't last long; within a few seconds, the door was opened up and the pair of them entered inside. A warm scent filled the air—cinnamon or maybe a nutmeg—and immediately brought a comfort to Lorna. She glanced around the room; a smaller, yet cozy, living room with a wooden archway that led to the dinning room. Cottage vibes was the impression it gave her. The three settled onto the dark grey suede sectional sofa that sat in front of a wood-stained coffee table.
Alex, who fixed herself a cup of tea seconds before the two arrived, sat with one leg crossed over the other. She pushed her glasses up slightly and gazed between the two with an inquisitive expression. "So, what brings ya both here? At nearly midnight I might add."
"Well, I rather not be at home with my father and his little trophy of the month. I was just gonna hang out with Lorna at her house but—"
"We were just in the neighborhood and decided to stop by," Lorna swiftly interjected, shooting a dark glare at her friend. She didn't need her personal business being shared with a person she hadn't even known that well. The fact that Nicky had witnessed what she did was enough; she refused for anyone else to be let in on her secret.
Shaking her head frustratedly, Nicky crossed her arms over her chest as she bit her lip. She returned the other's stare, loathing how easily she seemed to brush things under a metaphoric rug. "Mhmm, yeah, we were just in the neighborhood and decided to stop over in the middle of the night. No big deal," she said, waving a hand to emphasize to the petite brunette the absurdity of it.
The black-haired woman sipped her tea while curving her eyebrows intriguingly. "I could cut the tension with a knife," she pointed out with a light chuckle. There was blatantly something going on between the two teens, however, it wasn't her place to question them on it.
Lorna kept quiet. She hadn't been about to play into the redhead's hands. Instead, she focused her attention back on her surroundings. A few salt lamps took up space on each of the end tables on either side of the couch, books neatly placed on the shelves beneath the surfaces. Only rendering the place even cozier than before. In an odd way, it reminded her of the times she and her mother would go to her Nonna's house. The same cozy cottage vibe settled there.
"This is a real cute place—it's like a little cottage," Lorna finally said.
Alex smiled at the comment. Anytime someone complimented the house she felt a warmth rush through her. The house her mother took almost an entire decade to build and now, with her unfortunate demise, she inherited it. To hear others appreciate the craftmanship as she and her mom did always molded the corners of her lips into a smile. "Thanks. My mom had it built years ago, she worked really hard to finally have the dream house she'd wanted since forever."
Intrigued by her statement, Nicky curved an eyebrow. "Your mom built this? Damn, that's awesome. Does she not live here anymore?"
"I mean she didn't build it physically but she drew up what she envisioned and hired a construction crew to turn it into something real," the dark haired twenty-year-old stated, her shoulders slightly bouncing up in a shrug. She felt a breath of air catch in her throat for a moment before it passed. Her mother was a sore subject. "My mom passed away a year ago from cancer."
Cancer. Alex's mom passed away from cancer. Cancer. Her mom died from cancer. The words echoed fervently through Lorna's mind. It was as though she was transported into a glass cage; her mind wouldn't stop. She continued hearing the same few sentences over and over, like a broken record that she couldn't shut off. Her heart-rate sped up and she felt like she couldn't move, couldn't speak. Cancer. Mom has stage four liver cancer, Lorna. Liver cancer. She shut her eyes, rubbed at her temples, trying to rid herself of the repetitive thoughts. However, the gesture only worsened not only her racing mind but also her visual view. All she saw was the face of her mother, glassy eyes staring into her soul, while rattling breath sounds deafened her ears.
Chapter Text
Chapter Nineteen
Stansie Morello lay in the hospital bed, barely clinging to life, her eyes fixed directly ahead of her. Lorna sat in the chair beside the bed, watching her carefully. The way her eyes stared at nothing in particular haunted her mind rather fiercely. She grabbed one of her hands and held it tightly in her own. The only thing that reminded her her mother was still a living being. She bent down to place a kiss to her forehead. In doing so, the woman's head gradually turned towards her. Immediately raising Lorna's heart-rate.
Everything happened in slow motion. Stansie grabbed onto the rails of the bed and used them to push herself up in a sitting position. The sight was such a shock to Lorna, she couldn't find it in her to do anything other than to watch it all unfold. Her mother started kicking her legs over the side of the bed, and when she looked into her eyes, she still saw that glassy appearance in them. She would never forget that look. It was haunting. The next thing she knew, her mother had gotten herself out of the bed but her legs were too weak to hold her up and she ended up crashing onto the floor.
"Mom," she shouted, finally able to move again. She quickly ran to her mother's side to try to help her off the floor, however, realized her arms weren't strong enough to maneuver her. The rattled breathing gradually quieted and Lorna felt her heart beating faster than she ever thought possible. As if her mother's heart was added to hers and she was breathing for the both of them.
Lorna hurriedly grabbed the remote off the hospital bed and clicked the nurse button multiple times in a panic. While she waited for one to come in, she knelt on the ground beside her mother and peered directly into her eyes. There was nothing in them, she noticed, her breath caught in her throat. Those eyes lost the last ounce of life the moment Mrs. Morello collided onto the hard tiled floor. She placed her head on her mother's chest, hoping to hear the sound of her heart pumping, but instead was met with an eerie silence. That couldn't be right, she thought. She moved her ear towards her mouth in the desperate hope that breathing would be heard and once more was only welcomed by silence.
Panic began to set in. The only thing she could think to do was CPR. She tried to remember how to do it—fourteen year old Lorna was thankful for what eleven year old Lorna thought was stupid and pointless to be taking CPR training courses during a forced summer camp she had to take part in. Now, she understood the meaning of those trainings. She carefully moved her mother so that she was lying flat on the ground and placed a leg on each side of her. Her hands placed on her chest, one overlapping the other, and she began slowly pressing down against it.
A nurse entered the room and rushed to their side. "I'm gonna need you to stop that, please. Let me get her back in the bed and have a look at her, okay?"
Lorna shook her head, not budging even a centimeter, and fastened her compressions. She needed her mom to stay here with her. A life without Mrs. Morello wasn't an option. Her hands pumped harder as if it would bring breath back to the clearly deceased being beneath her. She wouldn't stop; all she could do to keep herself from falling apart was pretend that her actions were doing something to help. Even when the color of Stansie's lips began to blue, she didn't halt the compressions.
The nurse sighed, realizing the young girl wasn't going to oblige and went ahead with examining the patient right there on the floor. A stethoscope sat dangled around her neck; she took it off, placing the buds into her ears and placing the chest-piece onto Stansie's blatantly still chest. She listened for a few seconds, moving it around and listening again for another minute. All breath sounds were clearly absent. She looked over at the young girl—who was so evidently desperate for her mother to stay alive—and felt a pang in her own chest. She carefully grabbed one of the woman's wrists, which was much colder than normal, and held two fingers on it for several seconds. Not surprisingly, no pulse was detected.
Still pressing her hands against her mother's chest, Lorna paid no attention to the nurse or what she was doing. Nothing else mattered to her than saving her mother. Everything around her was only background noise. She heard nothing but a dreary silence. A sound she loathed. The room had a melancholic aura to it, she noticed and she refused to accept that.
"You really need to stop that," the nurse repeated in a hushed tone. She tried to gently pull Lorna's hands away but was immediately rejected. A breath expelled from her lungs. She looked the brunette over and it didn't take much to observe the very real pain that emanated off of her. "Your mom—she's gone, Lorna. I'm so sorry. I've checked her heart, her pulse; there's nothing there. She's gone. I'm so sorry."
Your mom is gone. She's gone. I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry. The words roared through her mind awakening Lorna from a restless slumber. Her body jolted up, she squinted her eyes as she tried to make sense of her surroundings. She looked around and realized she was sleeping on the couch in Alex's living room. It was dark but she could make out the figure of Nicky's body resting on the recliner on the other side of one of the end tables. She quietly got up from her spot and followed the shadow of a light that shined through from the kitchen. There was an oak door—leading to the backyard—next to the counter with a skinny window that displayed the moon and stars lighting up the sky. She unlocked it and did her best to silently open it so that she could step outside.
After closing the door behind her, Lorna peered up at the sky in awe of all the millions of stars displayed throughout. They lit up the area rather vibrantly, she noted. A peaceful breeze whirled through. But then her limbs formed goosebumps and she remembered it was still winter and she didn't have a coat on. However, with her thoughts still twirling around her mind, she decided against going back in for a coat and instead started walking towards the sidewalk.
Streetlights shined on the sidewalk helping Lorna to, at least, be able to see where she was headed. My mom passed away from cancer a year ago. Cancer. The comment from Alex earlier made its way back into her head. She swallowed uncomfortably. Alex's mom had cancer and died from it. That wasn't nearly the same situation her mom was in. Oh, no, she rationalized with herself, her mother hadn't passed away like Alex's had. Even the nurse confirmed that. Your mom, she's gone. She's gone. I'm so sorry. Her mom was just gone; she certainly didn't die or pass away. Of course not, no. The nurse would have said so if she'd died. But the nurse only told her she was gone. Which meant there was a chance her mother would one day return.
Lorna had no idea where she was walking to. Walking calmed her mind, so, she kept up the sidewalk and followed the trail of light. She reached into the pockets of her sweatpants and realized she left her phone back at Alex's place. Smart move, she mentally facepalmed herself. The air grew colder the longer she walked. It didn't stop her, however. Rather it only encouraged her to fasten her pace. Soon walking turned into running. She ran up the hill, exhilaration taking over. It felt so freeing to run. She didn't have to think, didn't have to stress, worry, nothing. She just ran.
By the time she made it to the top of the hill, she was out of breath and panting. Now she remembered why she didn't run often. Her body wasn't accustomed to it. Out of the corner of her eyes, she caught sight of a nearby cemetery. She couldn't remember if that was the same cemetery that her Nonna and Nonno were buried at or not, yet, she ventured towards it anyway.
It only took a few extra minutes for her to arrive at the cemetery. The wind came through, making her body shiver on impulse. Lorna cautiously searched through the gravestones until she came across a plot with Morello written on it. Legs fatigued from the running, she sat down on the dew-covered grass and read the engraved names on the granite gravestone. Giulia and Johnny Morello. Beloved parents and grandparents. She traced her finger around the carvings of each letter.
The sun was starting to peep up from the horizon the next time Lorna opened her eyes. Her head was resting on the edge of the stone, she realized she must have fallen asleep there in the graveyard as she stroked the engraved names of her grandparents. Tingling in her legs informed her that those too had fallen asleep. She noticed they were also slightly sticky, most-likely from the fresh morning dew that covered over the grass beneath her. By the position of the sun in the sky above, she deemed it must have been no later than six o'clock in the morning. Which meant she'd better hurry back to Alex's house to prevent from worrying the two of them.
However, if she thought she was going to prevent any worrying, she assumed wrong. When she returned to the house and tried to sneak back in through the kitchen door, she noticed it had now been locked. That meant she had to knock on it, and of course that would bring questions and wondering with it. Sucking in a large breath, Lorna ignored her swirling mind and lifted her fist to gently knock on the door. Birds sang in the background, easily calming her nerves while she waited.
The door opened a few moments later and she timidly entered back inside. It was clearly evident that both of the girls were upset with her. They all sat back in the living room, almost exactly in the same spots they occupied the evening before, and she kept her eyes down on the floor. Mentally observing all the dark lines that streaked through the wooden pattern. Anything to keep her from looking at the two of them. She loathed the sight of disappointment in the eyes of other's. Especially when it had been her own doing.
"Lorna, where were you?" It was Alex who finally broke the silent spell. She sat crossed-legged on the corner of the couch, cradling a coffee mug in her hands.
Lorna fidgeted with a strand of her brown hair in her hands. She hardly knew the dark-haired woman and was seemingly being scolded by her. It wasn't like she lived there; she had no business asking her such a question, she thought. "I went for a walk," she mumbled, keeping her eyes on the wooden floor.
Curving her eyebrows in confusion, the eldest of the three took a sip of her coffee. "In the middle of the night? Why? You know how unsafe it is to be out there after dark—"
"Why do you even care? Stop scolding me like I'm a damn child, I'm not. And you barely even know me. You work with my sista, big deal."
That was a point that Alex couldn't really argue with. Another sip she took of her coffee. "I'm not scolding you. I was just asking where you were. Nicky and I were worried, that's all. And you are a child, Lorna, you're only fifteen. It's not an insult, it's just a fact."
The remark had Lorna impulsively roll her eyes. A child she was not. If she were a child, then, obviously her uncle wouldn't be performing sexual acts on her. Acts that made her nauseous. She swallowed uncomfortably and shifted her legs. The sun poured in through the bay window that faced the front yard. Lorna closed her eyes for a moment and soaked up the sunlight much like a cat would.
"Do either of ya want some coffee? I was just about to start a second pot," Alex offered, getting up off the couch. She stood in the archway, staring at the teens while she waited for a response. Receiving two nods, she went to the kitchen to prepare the coffee.
Alone now with the brunette, Nicky turned her head so that her eyes met with hers. She let them search over her for several minutes. Concern and worry crept back up the longer she looked. The events of the evening before replayed through her mind, strengthening the concern she held for Lorna. A sigh tumbled up through her larynx. Her insides churned at the idea of anyone causing any harm to her friend, accident or not. Lorna was the kindest, most loving, person that Nicky ever met. She couldn't begin to comprehend one single reason for anyone to want to bring any pain to her.
Lorna easily sensed Nicky's eyes on her and slightly turned her head to return her gaze. Guilt gradually ate at her; she wasn't pleased with herself for withholding things from her best friend, yet, she also hadn't been keen on the idea of opening up about anything so soon. Without a word, she reached over and let her hand tenderly rest over the older girl's. She brushed her thumb softly over each of her knuckles.
"Why did ya go for a walk in the middle of the night, kid?" Nicky's voice huskily inquired.
The brunette unconsciously put on a smile. Her hand gave a warm squeeze to the one she held. "I was coming back from the bathroom and I just-I saw how bright it was outside with the moon and everything…I just wanted to enjoy the beauty of it. I always loved the night sky," she mustered up a response. Even though it hadn't been the complete truth, she had enjoyed the night sky since she was a little girl. It was an interest that Mrs. Morello passed on to her.
She wanted to believe her. In fact, she craved to believe Lorna's words. Yet, a nagging sensation kept her from fully trusting that what she said was the truth. And it forced her lungs to expel a deep gasp of air. "Ya shoulda taken your phone, yeah? Me and Al were worried when we didn't see ya in here earlier," was what Nicky settled on commenting back with. Albeit not completely sold on her friend's story, she hadn't want to cause an argument—especially before they even had coffee.
Though both Alex and Nicky offered to drive her to school, Lorna insisted on walking. It gave her time to think as well as exercise that she knew she needed. The more exercise she got, the more calories she burned and the more weight she'd shed. Of course, she kept the latter to herself. The walk didn't take that long, anyway, she arrived inside the building only fifteen minutes later. Which meant Alex's place was closer to her school than her own house.
She went through her normal routine—grabbing her books and heading straight for the bathroom. However, the second she entered inside she was frozen in her place. Her eyes landed on the familiar blonde teen, who was in the middle of washing her hands at the sink, and felt her hands become clammy from the growing apprehension.
Lorna's unease must have transmitted through the room because Annalisa quickly turned from the sink to peer over at her. A taunting smirk easily made its way to her face. She took a paper-towel to dry her hands off with and walked over to stand in front of one of the stalls. "Gee, I wonder why you're in here. Come to throw up some more?" She stuck two fingers mockingly down her throat.
Ignoring her taunts, Lorna walked passed her to enter another stall but sighed when the blonde followed and stood in front of it, too. She placed her hands on each of her temples, rubbing at them to calm her heightening nerves. Her energy was almost nonexistent at that point; she didn't have it in her to confront Annalisa. Or better yet, she didn't have it in her to deal with anything. A breath of air exhaled from her lungs. She tried walking to the stall farthest from her, however, the other did the same and guarded it.
"You're disgusting, Morello," Annalisa retorted, leaning her back against the stall door behind her. Her blue eyes pierced fiercely at the smaller teen. She shook her head, pushing open the stall, and motioned her hands profusely inside. "Get in there, go!"
Lorna had hardly any time to process what was happening or respond; she felt a pair of hands shoving her in the stall and nearer to the toilet. She couldn't even turn around to stop the other girl before her head was harshly pushed down into the toilet bowl. Water quickly made its way up through the passage of her nostrils; she tried to move her head from the vessel but Annalisa's grip proved to be too strong. Breathing became a struggle, her chest started to constrict from lack of air. Her eyes stung from the water hitting them.
"I bet ya wish you didn't come in here, don't ya?" Annalisa's voice boomed menacingly through the room. Though, muffled by the water pooling in Lorna's submerged ears. The blonde snickered, watching her struggle in delight. She kept holding her head down until she heard the liquid bubbling from the other girl's struggle to breathe.
With the other's hold on her finally released, Lorna fell back against the metal of the stall while trying to catch her breath. She pulled her knees up to her chest as her heart-rate gradually slowed back down. There was no chance for her to even say anything to Annalisa as the girl quickly ran out. She was left there, a quivering and panting mess on the now soaked tiled floor. Her body ached and her throat was raw. She felt slightly disoriented as she tried to focus her eyes straight ahead. The surroundings were blurrier than usual, she noticed.
She didn't even dare try to stand up; wooziness overpowered her and her legs felt like Jell-O beneath her. Her eyes gazed out through the opened stall door, she hoped an adult would miraculously walk by and notice her there but she wouldn't hold her breath over it. Lorna momentarily shut her eyes when the sound of footsteps sounded on the floor. Shoes clacked against the tile floor and stopped once they entered in Lorna's line of view.
Her mouth opened and shut. She had hardly any energy to even form simple words at that point. The shoes stood right outside the stall she was in, a glimmer of hope that maybe she would be helped out of the current situation she was in. All hope dissipated when the sound of a mop sloshing water against the ground jammed her ears. Lorna inhaled and felt a sharp sensation shoot through her chest. It took everything in her, but she finally was able to lift her leg enough to kick it loudly against the frame of the stall.
Suzanne, who'd been oblivious to if any students occupied the bathroom as she started in on the daily cleaning, rapidly halted her task at the thump against one of the metal stalls behind her. She turned slightly and noticed a student's legs resting on the floor in the stall right in front of her. Out of concern, she peeked her head in to see if they were okay and felt her eyes widen when she realized the student was Lorna. She could clearly see the young brunette was not well.
"Is everything okay in there?"
The voice of another person—that wasn't her bully—brought a sense of relief to her. She still couldn't get her legs to stand, however, she was able to scoot her way to the front of the stall where Miss Warren stood. "Hel-help, please," her voice cried out, barely louder than a whisper. There was a blatantly desperate plea hidden in her tone; her brown eyes gazed up at the woman with that same desperation.
Watching her move nearer her by scooting, the janitor swallowed uncomfortably. She wondered what on earth had happened to her. "You can't walk? What happened?"
Lorna shook her head—such motion causing a strong dizziness to form. For a moment, she let her eyes shut while using her hands to place atop her temples. A gesture she hoped would ease the nauseating sensation. "I-I can't get up," she breathily answered, pointing her finger profusely at her two legs that were as numb as her mental state. "They feel like…they feel like jelly."
"O-okay," Suzanne pushed the cleaning supply cart out of the way and carefully bent down to help Lorna up. "I'll bring ya down to Nurse Reznikov's office."
Lorna lay on the bed in the school nurses' office, everything hazy and muffled around her. A blanket had been placed over her body at some point and she pulled it up closer. She searched the room to see if anyone was in there with her and felt slightly more at ease when the bright red-haired nurse came over with a dixie cup of water in her hands. She carefully took the cup and brought it to her lips for a much needed sip. It burned all the way down her already raw throat.
Situating herself on the plastic chair that was placed between the two beds, Red noticed the way she flinched as she swallowed the water and her concern grew stronger. "What happened, Lorna? Miss Warren said she only saw you sitting in the bathroom stall," she inquired, placing a comforting hand over her forehead and allowing the tip of her thumb to lightly stroke around its flesh. Her blue eyes watched over the young teen methodically.
The door to the office opened interjecting the interaction between them. And when Annalisa was the one to enter inside, all color dissipated from Lorna's face. If her legs hadn't been so numb still, she'd have gotten up and run out of there. Instead, she only yanked the blanket further up so that it was nearly covering over her head. Her breathing became heavier, almost as though she was panting from how fast her heart beat inside her chest.
Red turned her head somewhat to glance at the student who entered into her office. An eyebrow arched over her eyes. "What can I do for ya?"
The blonde had to refrain from smirking at Lorna; deep down, she was thrilled to see her suffering. Instead, she focused her attention on the nurse and folded her arms over her chest. "Well, Mrs. Bell told me I should come down here and tell ya what happened to poor, poor Lorna," she said with mock concern.
That statement had Lorna's brows curve up. She had serious doubts that her bully would actually give the honest story. However, she was intrigued nonetheless to hear what she was going to respond with. Her head peeped out from the blanket just enough so that she could keep an eye on Annalisa. Though the sight of her revolted her tremendously. She gripped her hand tightly on the cup she still held.
Puzzled, Red also folded her arms over her own chest and looked between the two girls with a perplexed expression. "Please do, Lisa."
"Well, I was in the bathroom washing my hands and when I turned around I saw Lorna in one of the stalls trying to drown herself in the toilet. She had her head submerged in the water for a while—I tried to help her but she didn't want me to. Guess she's a little suicidal or something?"
Chapter Text
Chapter Twenty
Lorna felt her mouth gape open in shock. That wasn't even close to what really happened, she thought with frustration. She gave a dark stare towards the blonde, who looked back with a faint sneer and moved her eyebrows up and down as if to signal something to her. Something sinister no doubt. She kept her mouth shut—more from exhaustion than anything else—and let her eyes gaze up at the ceiling momentarily. Mentally counting all of the tiles that made it up.
Squinting her eyes, the Russian woman tried to make sense of what was just told to them. She waved her hand towards the door, motioning for the blonde teen to leave. "Thank you, Lisa, you can go now." Her eyes watched closely until Annalisa finally exited the room. She refocused her attention back on Lorna. Sympathy taking up form on her face. She let her thumb run soothingly across her forehead. "What made you immerse your head in the toilet water, honey?" She softly asked, her Russian accent much more pronounced than usual.
"I-I did not do that. I would never do something like that, there's too many germs on those toilets. She's making it up," the words finally came from her mouth, now that she was alone with Red. Maybe she should play in to Annalisa's lie to avoid anyone finding out she'd been bullied, she contemplated. Yet, the thought of everyone believing she was suicidal made her feel queasy. It hadn't surprised her one bit that Annalisa would use that as an excuse for what happened. Anything to make Lorna look like the crazy person.
"I don't think she'd make something like that up. Suicide isn't something to be joked about or taken lightly," Red firmly pointed out, fixing her glasses on her face with her index finger. "It sounds like you just don't want to admit that you did something so scary to yourself, is that right? Do you want to talk about it?"
Lorna felt a big breath of air expel from her lungs. She let a hand run through her hair. Knowing Annalisa, she probably already made it known to the whole school that she was the suicidal crazy girl. So, there was no sense in her trying to say otherwise. No one would believe her anyway. Her eyes peered down at her hands. Every day made her feel like she was losing another piece of herself. She hadn't felt normal since her mother was healthy, she realized.
"I just—I don't know anything anymore," she muttered no louder than a whisper.
Red arched an eyebrow, grabbing one of her hands and giving it a comforting squeeze. "What don't ya know, sweetheart?"
"Nothing. Can I go to class now?" She didn't know why she bothered asking that question when she knew she couldn't even feel her legs enough to get up and walk.
"Not right now. I've tried to get a hold of your father so he could get you and take you the hospital, but he hasn't been answering my calls. Is there anyone else I can call? You need to be seen by a doctor, not just because you tried to drown yourself but because you also said your legs feel weird."
Lorna swallowed uncomfortably at the mention of her father. She was grateful, however, that Nurse Reznikov wasn't able to get in contact with him. The last thing she needed was to deal with his wrath. "You can try callin' my sista Franny." The thought of going to a hospital didn't sit too well with her. Ever since her mother's illness, she deemed all hospitals a terrible place to be. Just saying the word alone nauseated her to no end. And, to think that they would all honestly assume she had tried drowning herself only strengthened the dread she felt at having to go to the hospital.
She watched as the middle-aged woman went into the smaller part of the room, dialing her sister's number on the phone probably. The dixie cup that was still held in her right hand she brought it up for a sip and finished off the water. It wasn't more than five minutes before Red came back to sit back in her spot. And by the expression on her face, Lorna figured out that she had indeed reached her older sister. She could only imagine how upset Franny most-likely was.
"I'm not crazy, Red, I'm really not. They're not gonna throw me in some psych ward, are they?"
Placing a comforting hand over one of the brunette's, Red stroked her thumb lightly over her knuckles. She shook her head as she gazed down at her with a perturbed mien. "No, you're not crazy. Not at all. Who's they?"
"I don't know—the doctors and nurses at the hospital. Isn't that what they do with people who are said to of tried to kill themselves?" Lorna inquired, sitting up in the bed and returning the older woman's stare.
Such a comment came as a surprise to the school nurse. She was positive medical professionals hadn't done things like that for at least a decade or so. At least she hoped that were the case. Clearly, she thought, locking people with mental illnesses away was not only not a productive decision but also inhumane. "No, Lorna, they don't do that. That's more of a nineteen hundreds outdated practice that I would be absolutely shocked if any person with more than one brain cell takes part in anymore. You don't need to worry—they're just there to help you, everything will be fine."
Lorna shook her head in disbelief. She didn't trust any doctors, not after they just allowed her mother to die on the cold, filthy floor. And on top of that, she visibly remembered her father mentioning how her 'crazy' Aunt Lidia was in a mental institution for trying to take her life with a hair dryer. Thinking of—as Mr. Morello deemed—her 'crazy' Aunt Lidia, she started to wonder if maybe she had done exactly what Annalisa had claimed. She pondered if she hallucinated the whole predicament—had she actually been the one to try to drown herself?
"Are ya gonna let Nicky move in with you? She told me that if her parents agree, you will let her." Lorna decided changing the topic would do her mind good. She desired to focus on something other than the earlier incident. And she hoped for Nicky's sake that the answer would be yes—Nicky needed to move away from her parents for her own well-being, Lorna rationalized.
"I will need to discuss that with Nicky and probably her parents, too. You really miss her being here in the same school, don't ya?"
Of course she wanted the redhead to be back in the same school, but she knew that was certainly not the only reason Nicky needed to move in with Mrs. Reznikov. "I do but it's not just that, Red. Her mom and dad don't seem to care about her that much and I—I just really think she should live with someone like you. You're real nice and good and Nicky needs, um, a good person like you in her life," she rambled, letting her fingers play with the fabric of the blanket she was covered in.
Hearing that, Red felt her heart slightly clench. She had a soft spot for that Nicky. Ever since she met her at the beginning of the school year, the two had grown close. Nicky reminded her so much of the daughter she once lost—a tragic memory she tried to repress as much as possible. "I'll talk with Nicky and her parents and see what comes of it, is that good?"
"Please do it soon," the brunette pleaded. "I'm real worried about Nicky."
Red nodded, patting Lorna's hand comfortingly. It was clearly evident just how much the young teen cared for her beloved best friend and that was something the school nurse found endearing. "I will try to, honey. Now why don't ya try and rest until your sister gets here?" She placed her back against the cushion of the bed, wrapping the blanket gently around her, and giving one last pat to her hand before going to her office to make a phone call.
Once Franny picked her up from the school, and drove the five minutes to the local hospital, the two sat in the waiting room for what seemed like forever but really ended up being a mere ten minutes. A nurse ended their wait as she called Lorna's name; the two brunettes followed her back, the shorter one holding onto the taller one's arm to steady her stride. They entered inside an empty room and the nurse motioned with her hand for Lorna to lie on the gurney.
The younger brunette complied and situated herself on the gurney. An unnerving aura hit her the second she entered inside the building and she only hoped she wouldn't be stuck there long. She sighed while the nurse quickly took her vitals alongside drawing some blood from one of her arms. When she was finished, she informed both girls one of the doctors would come in shortly and left.
Alone now with her sister, Franny sat in one of the chairs and scooted it closer to the gurney. Her arms folded over her chest as she peered down at the teen with a sternness lurking in her blue eyes. "So, ya wanna tell me about this drowning yourself incident?" She finally broke the silence; her eyes kept their gaze, searching her sister wearily. She still couldn't believe what had happened. Imagining Lorna doing something so awful to herself—it brought an intense wave of nausea over her.
Lorna nervously slicked her hair back, unintentionally avoiding eye contact with the older woman. "I didn't do it, Fran. I swear I didn't," she muttered exhaustively. The entire day felt hallucinated to her at that point, she wondered if any of this was even real. What if she was still asleep at the cemetery dreaming up all of this? She wished that were the case. Wished today hadn't happened—or better yet, that she could have restarted the day and waited longer before going to the bathroom. Maybe then she wouldn't be sitting in the emergency room with everyone around her thinking she was out to kill herself.
"But why would the school call me and tell me ya did? You think they would make something like this up, Lorn?" Franny pondered, looking her sister over concerningly. As much as she wanted Lorna's words to be true, she couldn't imagine the school creating a lie like that—suicide wasn't a joking matter, she knew, it just didn't make one bit of sense to her. Any of it.
"The school didn't make it up," the younger girl confirmed. Her breath caught in her throat for a moment as she tried to reason with herself to share what truly took place.
Even more confused, the older brunette arched her eyebrows while watching Lorna cautiously. "So, then, you really did try to drown yourself in the toilet? Lorna, what is going on with you?"
"No, no!" Lorna shrieked in response. She held up a hand and waved it profusely in her sister's face, "I swear that I did not try killing myself, Fran. It wasn't me, please believe me. I'm not—I'm not a crazy person."
From the tone in her voice, Franny knew she was being honest with her. She sighed, both relieved and still very much unnerved. If Lorna hadn't done what the school was claiming she had—she rubbed at her temples from the intensifying headache that loomed between them. Nothing made sense now, she understood that much. "You're not crazy, hon, I know. I never said you were. I just—help me understand what happened? Did someone else try to hurt you?"
It took several times for Lorna to open and shut her mouth before words finally flowed out. "I—Franny, there's just…there's just this one girl who likes to pick on me sometimes is all."
"This one girl, huh? Is she who tried drowning you in the toilet?"
The curtain being pulled back halted their conversation from going any further. A darker-toned woman entered inside—a notepad in hand—situating herself on the circular chair on wheels and gliding it closer towards the patient. She set the notepad on her lap before lifting her head up to look straight ahead at the petite brunette who lay on the gurney. A kind smile formed on her face. "Hi, there; I'm Doctor Washington—a psychologist here. You're Lorna Morello, yes?"
Psychologist. She was a psychologist? The words rumbled piercingly through her mind. Swallowing a wad of saliva, Lorna squeezed her eyes shut as the realization dawned on her. Everyone believed her to be crazy now—for something she hadn't even done. That was all thanks to Annalisa, she knew; the girl probably had their entire class thinking she tried to kill herself. Oh, did that make her feel queasy inside. She loathed what would be in store for her when she arrived back at school on Monday morning.
Franny tapped her on the arm and that immediately brought Lorna back to the present state. She looked back at the psychologist, who still had that smile on her face, and sucked in a breath. Her head nodded slowly. "Yeah, I'm Lorna. But I'm not crazy."
"No, of course you're not. No one here thinks you're crazy," Dr. Washington assured her, gently.
Before she could continue, Lorna interjected with a waving motion of her hand. "Then why do I need to talk to you? If I'm not crazy then I don't see why I need to talk to a psychologist."
The doctor shared a glance with Franny, who placed a comforting hand onto her younger sister's shoulder. Clearing her throat, the dark-skinned psychologist retrieved her reading glasses from the pocket on the white coat she wore and used her thumb to push them up over her nose. "Well, your school did call right before you came to tell us that we'd be expecting a possible suicidal patient. That's why I've come to talk to you, Lorna," she factually informed the young teen.
"But—but I'm not suicidal!" Lorna yelled out. To say she was frustrated would be an understatement. She was enraged that Annalisa would make up such a cruel lie on her behalf. That she would convince the entire school—adults included—that she was the one to put her own head in that damn toilet bowl. Now, she truly was the crazy girl at school. She couldn't imagine how much worse the bullying would get but had an inkling it wasn't going to be good.
She looked over at her sister, arching her eyebrows at her. "Tell her Franny, tell her I'm not trying to kill myself."
Franny folded her arms over her chest, hesitating slightly. She wasn't sure what to believe at that moment. As much as she longed for Lorna to not have tried, she also knew her sister had a knack for lying or covering things up. "I don't really know, Lorn, ya didn't really give me a good reason to believe you. I mean I want to but you don't have the best track record for being honest," she cautiously pointed out.
Doctor Washington closely observed the exchange between the sisters and jotted something down on the notepad. "Why don't you start by sharing what happened?"
Lorna shifted her legs uncomfortably beneath the blanket that rest overtop of them. The question, alone, brought a headache over her. She had no clue how to answer it—clearly, they hadn't seemed to want to believe anything other than she tried to drown herself in the girls' bathroom at school that morning. A sigh sounded through her vocal cords; she reached a hand up to her forehead to try and ease the ache.
"Can I just go home, please? I really have nothin' to say. Because no one believes me anyway so I'm not talking. I want to leave."
"Just tell us what happened, Lorn," Franny pleaded, looking down at her with desperation in her eyes. She was terrified for her sister; she hadn't felt safe with the idea of leaving the hospital without any answers. Didn't feel safe to allow Lorna to be at home when there was a chance she was plotting to take her life.
"Let's not push her," the psychologist carefully interpolated. She took a card from the pocket of her pants and wrote down a date and time on the back of it. "It's okay if you're not ready to talk about what happened right now, Lorna. Here's my card with all my contact info; we can meet for an appointment on that date if it works for you. You can find the address for my outpatient office on the website listed there, too."
On their way home, it was decided that Lorna would be staying with Franny—at least for the weekend. After everything that took place, the older brunette was on edge and certainly wouldn't allow her to go back to their father's house. She hadn't needed to deal with their perverted uncle on top of recovering from whatever may have happened in school that morning, anyway. Her eyes periodically gazed over at the other, watching with an intense worry looming over her.
Lorna had her head resting on the brim of the window. She let her eyes peer out at the passing surroundings, allowing the naturistic sights to mesmerize her. Snow flurried through the sky but melted away the second any flakes hit the ground. Strangely, watching that calmed her immensely. She shut her eyes and kept them shut until the car came to a stop. They reopened, seeing her sister's apartment complex out of the window now.
Before either sister exited the vehicle, Lorna lifted her head and turned to look at the older woman. "Can I invite my friend Nicky over for the weekend, please? I'll get my schoolwork done first, I promise."
"That's fine, Lorn. Ya gonna talk to her about what happened? It'd be good for you," Franny suggested, a hopeful expression in her light blue eyes. She longed for Lorna to open up to someone at least—even if it was a friend, it would be a step in the right direction.
Both stepped out of the car—the older brunette locked it—and made their way into the building, up to the third floor where Franny's apartment was located. As soon as they entered through the front door, Franny dismissed the babysitter and went into the kitchen to prepare a kettle of tea. While it heated up, she turned back to gaze at her sister. She watched her closely as she tried to distinguish what she was thinking.
"I really think you should let your friend know what happened, Lorn. It might help ya."
Lorna scrunched her nose at the comment. Help her? What was her sister trying to get at with that? She folded her arms frustratedly over her chest, coming to the realization that the older girl indeed believed she tried to kill herself. "Help me with what? I'm fine, I'm not crazy and I am not suicidal," she angrily shouted out, not even giving her a chance to say anything as she ran down the hall to the spare bedroom.
Nicky drove straight to the address her friend had given her right after school let out for the day. Snow picked up just as she pulled into the complex's parking lot. She pressed the button to lock her car and ventured into the building, up to the floor where Lorna's sister's apartment was located. It didn't take long for her to make it to the front door; she lifted a fist to knock on it and silently waited for someone to let her in.
A few moments passed before the door was finally opened. The woman inside was clearly not her friend, obviously her older sister, Nicky observed. She looked her over and noticed the slight resemblance between she and Lorna—albeit Lorna much shorter with her mesmerizing brown eyes. The thought was quickly shook away as she greeted Franny, "Hi, I'm Nicky, Lorna's friend. She invited me over."
With a third cup of tea cradled in her hands, Franny nodded and moved aside to allow her to walk inside. After, she shut the door while motioning her hands down towards the hallway. "She's in the room on the left, just finishing up her schoolwork."
The door slowly creaked open, rapidly halting Lorna from her current task. Her eyes caught sight of a familiar silhouette standing in the doorway and without a thought, a smile took up form on her face. She threw her books aside, jumped off the bed, and ran to engulf the taller teen in a tight embrace. The one person—other than her sister—who genuinely cared for her. She tightened her arms around her, allowing her head to naturally fall against her shoulder.
Lorna's actions brought a smile to her own face. And Nicky returned the hug happily, instinctively letting her lips brush against the other's forehead. "You're too cute, kid," she softly stated, allowing her arms to wrap snugly around the smaller girl's waist. "God, I wish I could just live back in this town again. I miss seeing ya every day at school. I miss annoying Red instead of going to class, too." The two shared a chuckle at the latter.
"I do, too. Actually, I talked to Red today about ya," Lorna informed her, lifting a hand to cup gently around one of her cheeks. Her fingers caressed its flesh in a delicate manner.
The sensation of her fingers against her cheek had Nicky's heart swooshing with tingles. She bit down on her lower lip to calm herself before focusing her gaze back on Lorna's face. A warm, fuzzy, feeling overpowered her to hear that she had spoken with Red—the woman closest to a mother-figure to her—about her. That proved to her even further just how strongly Lorna cared for her. She bit her lip once more, that time to keep herself from crying tears of adoration.
"Yeah? What'd ya talk to her about, kid?"
"Well, I told her I really think it's the best for you to move in with her. Because you deserve to live in a home with someone who actually wants ya there and gives ya their attention, hon. And Red's real nice. I think it would be real good for you to live with her and it might be good for her too, she seems kinda lonely…I don't know."
Such words couldn't stop Nicky's eyes from becoming misty. She sucked in a deep breath to cover up a sniffle she felt brewing. "Lorna," her voice murmured; she framed her hands warmly around the brunette's face. For a few silent moments, she gazed intensely into her eyes and took in all of her features. Gradually, she moved her own face closer until their foreheads were melded together. Her breath on Lorna and Lorna's breath on her. She inched a smidge more so that their lips delicately molded together. It was soft and sweet. Both girls momentarily closed their eyes at the same time.
Lorna opened her eyes again and smiled gently. She used her thumb to stroke along the jawline of Nicky's faintly freckled face. "Hmm," she warmly hummed, "Second kiss and even better than the first."
Chuckling, Nicky nodded and pulled her in for another kiss. That wasn't what she imagined would take place when she came over, however, she surely hadn't regretted any of it. In fact, she longed for more of it—more Lorna kisses, more Lorna everything, she thought. She wrapped her arms even tighter around her, pulling her against her body and moved them onto the bed. The kiss was deepened, both girls fumbling about as they held lovingly onto one another. It wasn't long before the two were in a heated make-out session.
The pair were so engrossed in their intimacy that neither heard anyone entering inside the room. Not until a shriek boomed through the room did the two girls realize they weren't alone anymore. Both turned their heads and Lorna felt a lump form in her stomach when she realized it was her little nephew. Quickly followed by Franny, who walked behind the toddler and covered his eyes with her hands. Everything inside of Lorna froze as she braced herself for what was to come.
Chapter Text
Chapter Twenty-One
"Look," the tall brunette started, giving a hard stare towards Lorna. "I don't care if you're into girls, Lorn, but please if you're gonna mess around at least shut the door. You just scarred your poor nephew for life!"
Once Franny left with her son in her arms and slammed the door behind her, the two teens ended up in a fit of laughter over the whole ordeal. That was exactly the kind of light-hearted evening Lorna needed—a thought that popped up as she allowed her eyes to peer attentively at the redhead beside her. She couldn't stop herself from forming yet another smile. Just being in Nicky's presence rose her spirits immensely. Not only that, but she also seemed to easily cause Lorna's heart to constantly flutter when they were together. A nice sensation, she deemed.
"Your sister seems cool," Nicky finally regained her composure from laughing, turning her head to return the other's stare. She smiled, too, when she noticed the angelic one on Lorna's face. Delicately, she reached a hand to place onto one of her cheeks and used the tips of her fingers to caress tenderly around its flesh. She rested their foreheads together and brought their lips back in for another kiss, this time slower and gentler.
The mere feeling of Nicky's forehead pressed against her own showed Lorna a sense of affection she never even imagined possible. Her eyes melted into the soft brown ones of Nicky. A contented sigh escaped her as she reached across to wrap her arms gingerly around the other's shoulders, giving a tender squeeze. Their lips met once more and Lorna shut her eyes. For that moment, nothing else mattered. Everything around them melted into the background. Lorna had a calm mind as she focused on being present with Nicky.
An hour later had the two teens sitting on the couch in the living room, some random horror film playing on the television, with mugs of hot chocolate that Lorna insisted on making them. With her nephew in bed and Franny watching a show in her bedroom, they had the living room all to themselves. And, of course, that gave the pair the perfect excuse to put on an R-rated movie. Each girl sat crossed-legged on the couch with a bowl of popcorn positioned in between them.
"How many horror movies have ya seen, kid?" Nicky interrogated with a playful smirk on her face. She had a strong gut-feeling that she already knew what her friend's answer would be.
Grabbing a handful of popcorn from the bowl, the brunette waved a hand at her. "Counting this one? Two…and a half," her voice emphasized; she waggled her eyebrows lively at the other. Sure, horror movies were not something Lorna would have chosen to watch on her own, however, she wasn't going to give Nicky the satisfaction of knowing this was truly the first she'd seen.
The response immediately brought a warm chuckle out of Nicky. Her eyebrows curved questioningly over her eyes while her arms folded over her chest. "Two and a half? What's the half?" Another light-hearted chuckle tumbled from her vocal chords.
"Yes, two and a half. The half was, erm, a movie I watched with my brother and I fell asleep before it ended. So that still counts as half," Lorna stated matter-of-factly.
Nicky gave another chuckle and nonchalantly wrapped one of her arms around Lorna's waist, pulling her close to her body. Impulsively, she allowed her lips to peck tenderly against the flesh of the petite girl's forehead. "I meant my words the other night," her mouth now pressed warmly against Lorna's ear; she used a finger to softly place a loose strand of hair behind it. "I love you, Lorna."
Chills rapidly ran down Lorna's spine at the statement. Warm, tingly, chills. She turned her head, staring up at her with wide eyes. "You remember that, hon? I wasn't sure how high ya were or anything but I told ya I love you, too. And I do, I really do."
"I remember that, too, kid," Nicky's voice huskily murmured into her ear. She pressed her lips right behind the ears. "Hmph, what do ya think about us being girlfriends, yeah?" Her arms pulled Lorna even closer while her eyes affectionately gazed into hers.
Without any hesitation, the brunette nodded her head enthusiastically before smashing her lips hotly over Nicky's. The kiss lingered for several minutes until Lorna released it and looked up into her eyes. "I think us being girlfriends would be a great idea, hon. What do you think?"
Nicky smiled and nodded her agreement. "I also think it's a great idea. So, it's settled—you and I are now girlfriends."
"Girlfriends," Lorna repeated. She liked the sound of that, it certainly had a nice ring to it. The smile on her face widened as she instinctively rested her head on the older teen's shoulder. Her hands reached up to cradle delicately around faintly freckled cheeks. "So, now that we're girlfriends—I'm real curious, hon, when did ya realize you're into girls?"
With a small laugh, Nicky squeezed the arm she had wrapped around her waist gently while brushing a butterfly kiss onto her forehead. "When I was four, in pre-k, I remember the teacher I had was one of the prettiest women I'd ever seen. Of course, that was also the only time I actually wanted to go to school. Always had butterflies in my stomach, which back then I just thought that meant I liked school," was her honest response, one of the few childhood memories that stuck out to her. Another several snickers escaped her at the recollection.
"I don't know why but I find that to be a real cute story, hon. It must have been nice to know so early what you like," Lorna pointed out, a small smile sat on her face at the thought of a little Nicky in her pre-k class. She wished the two had met even earlier in life.
Shoulders bounced up in a shrug, the redhead reached for her mug off the coaster on the coffee table and sipped it. "Four year old me didn't understand what that meant but as soon as I started middle school, I knew exactly what I was. All the other prissy girls wouldn't shut the hell up about this hot guy or that hot guy while I was busy secretly lusting over the hot women."
The way she chose to describe it all had a fit of giggles overpower Lorna. "Who was your first crush?"
"First crush? Eh, I don't know probably some movie star or somethin', I always liked to look through the magazines back in seventh and eighth grade. I just liked all the beautiful women in it, I guess. What about you, kid?"
Lorna shrugged; she hadn't really paid much attention to anything like that, at least not since before her mother got sick. Her hands squeezed at her cheeks as she thought of who—if any—she first crushed on. The only person she could think of was Nicky. Maybe that was a cheesy response but, in her heart, she knew it was honest. "It's gonna sound real dumb, hon, but I think you were my first crush," she sheepishly answered, her cheeks flushed red.
Those words were anything but dumb, Nicky thought. In fact, she felt her own cheeks turning a slight pink. She set her mug back on the coaster on the coffee table and turned so that she could lovingly frame her hands around Lorna's blushing cheeks. "Dumb is not what I would say, kid," her voice hot against the other's lips. "I think that's the most precious thing I've heard in a long time." She had her lips so close to her girlfriend's that they were basically touching; she let them naturally glide together in a warm kiss.
Lorna closed her eyes at the tender sensation. Each kiss left her lips tingling with excitement and the craving for more. However, knowing her sister could walk in at any moment, she grudgingly pulled away and instead wrapped her arms around Nicky's neck. "As much as I love kissing ya, hon, we don't need a repeat of Franny catching us. She hates PDA," a light-hearted chuckle escaped her.
"Probably because she has a little rug-rat running around the house," the redhead pointed out, however, a playful smirk sat on her face to convey she was only joking. "But, yeah, I guess you're right. We already scarred your nephew once." A casual chuckle tumbled through her larynx.
The next morning had Lorna in the kitchen preparing a pot of coffee while Nicky was still asleep in the guestroom. She looked around her older sister's kitchen for several minutes before finally finding the ground-up beans. Carefully, she measured out the recommended portion and placed it into the filter on the top of the machine. With water already inside, she clicked the switch and allowed it to brew.
Marco sat in his high chair on the other side of the island as Franny cut up some fruit that she placed on the tray. It wasn't even eight o'clock in the morning and she was already feeling exhausted. She sipped her coffee, now cold from sitting out for a while, before turning her head to look at her sister. "So, did ya talk to your friend about what happened yesterday?" The inquiry rapidly slipped from her mouth.
Busy fumbling around the cabinets for two mugs, Lorna chose not to say anything. It took only a couple of minutes until she came across what she was looking for. She reached her hands in, grabbing both mugs, and setting them onto the Formica countertops. One she filled with cream along with two packets of sweetener, the other she left empty. The coffee percolated behind her, filling the silence.
"Did you tell her what happened, Lorna?" Franny repeated her question a bit louder, frustration quickly growing just as the ache between her temples.
Lorna slicked back her hair, trying to find something to avoid her sister's interrogation. The sound of the machine shutting off came as a relief to her. She picked up the vessel and poured a generous amount into both cups. After replacing the pot underneath the filter, she grabbed a spoon from a drawer and used it to stir her coffee. "No, and I'm not going to because nothing happened."
A blatantly dishonest statement infuriated the older brunette immensely. However, to avoid upsetting her toddler (who was happily munching away on his breakfast), she tried her best to keep her composure. She placed her hands on her temples, rubbing furiously at them to ease the aching sensation. "Lorna, that's not true and you know that. Something serious happened yesterday and I just don't understand why ya wouldn't want to tell your friend about it."
"I don't want to talk about it, Franny. I'm happy and I like my relationship with Nicky the way it is, she doesn't need to know about yesterday because it doesn't matter."
Another obvious lie, the older woman easily sensed. Happy was something Lorna hadn't been in years, and the more she gave into those delusions, Franny thought, the farther from being happy she would remain. It hurt to see her sister decline but she also realized the only way she could be helped was for her to admit there was a problem and the chances of that—at least any time soon—were quite slim. She sighed and shook her head. "But you aren't happy and what happened yesterday does matter. If you keep lying to yourself, hon, you're not ever going to feel happy. Hopefully that psychologist will be able to help you find ways to cope better."
Lorna slammed her mug on the counter at the mention of said psychologist, all the while shattering the cup and spilling coffee all over the counter. "I do not need to see a damn shrink," she muttered under her breath while quickly getting to work at cleaning the mess she'd made.
"Well, this right here proves that it is best you're seeing a therapist. You need someone to help you because clearly, I can't seem to get through to you and you won't talk to your friend. And it's not a bad thing, Lorn."
The sound of loud voices and shattering ceramic awoke Nicky from her slumber in the spare bedroom. She heard the pair of sisters seemingly yelling at one another, arguing over something she couldn't make out. Throwing the blanket off and jumping down from the bed, she quickly walked nearer the door, however, as she did so, it was swung angrily open by Lorna—who oblivious—walked in and fell against her bed. Concern instantly took over, Nicky turned to follow the brunette. She lay on the bed beside her and reached her hands to cup around Lorna's cheeks.
"What's wrong, baby?" Her voice tenderly asked while her thumbs stroked porcelain flesh.
Tears soaked the blanket around her. Lorna had her face buried in them, not wanting her girlfriend to see her cry. She wasn't supposed to break apart in front of Nicky—she vowed that to herself after the last time she had done so. With the corner of the blanket in her hand, she carefully lifted it to wipe at her eyes. "Oh, nothin', hon. Don't worry about it."
Nicky shook her head at such a comment, only inching closer to her while delicately allowing her arms to encircle around the younger girl's body. "I am going to worry about it, kid. I heard yelling and something breaking. Obviously something's going on. Please talk to me."
"I just—Franny found out I, uh, I failed my last science test and we just kinda got in a little argument over it. It's fine, all good."
Exasperation and fatigue were two things Nicky had easily heard in her tone; she could see it expressed on her face as well. Resting on her side with her arms cradled softly around the other, she moved her forehead so it lain atop Lorna's. Her fingers brushed lightly along porcelain-like cheeks. "You sure that's all, kid?" She softly inquired, tucking a strand of hair lovingly behind her ear. "You know ya don't have to be scared to tell me the truth, yeah?"
Somewhat regaining her composure, Lorna turned her head to peer back at the older teen. With a deep breath in, she reached her arms straight ahead to wrap around Nicky's shoulders and gave a delicate squeeze. The appreciation she had for her girlfriend was stronger than any words she could use to explain it with. "I know, hon, thank you. I'm so sorry we woke you with our fighting. I hope ya slept well at least," she softly apologized, nuzzling her cheek against the other girl's.
"You don't need to be sorry," Nicky quickly responded, letting a hand cup lovingly around a pale cheek. She studied her features intensely, easily noting the exhaustion that lurked on dark circles beneath brown eyes. A pang formed in her chest at the sight; she longed to solve the puzzle that was causing those dark circles in the first place. Yet, she had no clue how to go about that without causing any friction between the two of them.
"I slept perfectly fine, kid. But what about you? You look like ya haven't slept well in a long time. Is everything okay? Are you okay, baby?"
"I'm fine, hon, really. You really don't need to worry," Lorna gently insisted. She lifted one of her hands and placed it over the hand that rested on her cheek, using her thumb to caress around its knuckles.
Nicky let her big eyes gaze softly over Lorna. A sigh escaped her. Getting to the bottom of what was really going on with her was not going to be an easy task, she mentally grasped. "I do need to worry and I am worried, doll. There's something clearly going on with you and I just—I wish you'd open up to me about whatever it is. I care so so much about you, Lorna. I want to help you through whatever you're dealing with."
Guilt rapidly overpowered her with each word Nicky said to her. As though each word were a knife digging further and further into her chest. She swallowed thickly, trying to not allow her emotions to cloud her judgement. It was highly tempting to give in and share everything with her girlfriend but she had to remind herself that such a decision wouldn't benefit either of them in the long run. She loathed the idea of burdening anyone—especially Nicky—with her personal problems.
"Nicky, hon, ya don't gotta worry about me, I promise. Ya got your own stuff you need to deal with, anyway, so please stop worrying about me. I'm okay, I've just been tryna get my grades up and haven't had enough time to rest because of that, that's all."
"Yeah? Then why don't we just lay here and cuddle for a while so you can get a little rest? You need to take care of yourself, my sweet Lorna." She pulled Lorna gently against her while combing her hands soothingly through her dark brown waves.
The sensation had Lorna close her eyes in content. Instinctively, she snuggled closer to the older girl's body, wrapping her own arms around her abdomen as she allowed her head to rest on her chest. "I, uh, I like the sound of that, hon. I've, I've really missed ya. School's just sucky without you, Nicky."
Nicky brushed her lips warmly atop Lorna's head, continuing to run her fingers over and over through her hair. "Good, ya just let me take care of and cradle you," her voice murmured huskily against her ear. "I've missed ya too, kid. I know, I know. I hate school even more now that we're not going to the same one. But hopefully, Red will talk to my parents and I'll be able to move in with her soon. Then we can be in the same school and everything will be normal again."
Everything would be normal again. The statement repeated through her mind. If only that were the case, Lorna thought to herself. If only having Nicky back at school with her would magically make everything normal again. She longed for the return of normalcy in her life, but she didn't know if that were even possible anymore. Life hadn't been normal in years, she recognized. And maybe it would never be normal again. The unknown was unsettling to her. Lorna craved for control.
"I hope Red called them today after I talked to her. I really do. It's not just so we can be in the same school; I want you to have a home with someone who truly cares about you and wants ya there. You deserve that, Nicky."
Her breath hitched in her throat. The sincerity from Lorna's voice was so intense it brought a chill over Nicky. A comfortable chill that was. She still hadn't been used to someone genuinely caring in such a way that Lorna had. It seemed impossible for someone to care as much as she did but, yet, she never ceased to amaze her. "Lorna, sometimes I wonder if you're real or not. I never thought people like you existed before. You're the sweetest person I've ever met, kid, you're an angel. You have to be an angel," she stated, matter-of-factly.
With her head lifted up slightly, Lorna moved her face directly over the redhead's. Her breath was warm atop her girlfriend's mouth. She leaned closer so that their foreheads and lips were lightly touching. "I just care about ya, hon. You mean so much to me and I want you to live with someone who won't just treat ya like you're nothing to them. Because you're not nothing, you're a special girl who any parent would be lucky to have and—it really makes me mad that your mom and dad don't see that," her voice murmured delicately over her girlfriend's lips.
Nicky cradled her hand affectionately around Lorna's cheek. Eyes peered into hers with the utmost compassion and empathy. "I love you," she whispered, caressing the tips of her fingers along the flesh of her cheek. "It means so much to me what you're saying, kid, you have no clue how much. I just wish the care ya have for me that ya had for yourself, too." A strand of loose brown hair was lovingly tucked behind an ear.
"I love you more," the brunette said, allowing a hand to wrap over the one resting on her cheek. The statement she meant—she loved Nicky more than herself, more than she believed she should be loved by anyone. But she didn't elaborate, only placed a warm smile on her face as she snuggled closer to the older teen.
"Nicky, hon, you haven't gotten any more of that heroin right?"
Surprised by the question, Nicky felt her stomach fill with butterflies. Butterflies that she couldn't decipher if they were from nerves or warmth from Lorna's naturally caring nature shining through once more. "No, I promise I don't have any more of it. And that baggie I had the other day, I think I might a left it on your dresser, kid. So, I haven't taken any since then."
Lorna nodded, giving a quick peck to her lips before letting her head rest back down on her chest. She drew a heart around Nicky's heart with her index finger. "Good, I'm so happy to hear that. You're too good for drugs, hon. That's okay, I'll toss it out when I go back home. I rather you not have that in your possession."
"Oh, no, are ya sure, kid? I can swing by and get it, I don't want to risk the chance of you getting in trouble for having that. I appreciate your kindness, I do, but it's okay, I'll get that taken care of," Nicky quickly responded. Though, she knew the only reason she did so was because her body craved that last bit of powdered goodness. She longed for one more little heroin high before she gave it up for good.
That response immediately had Lorna shaking her head and holding up her hand. "Absolutely not, hon. I will toss it out when I go back. I don't want ya to be tempted. Your health is more important than if I get caught with drugs in my room. And the chance of that happening is low, anyway, so you don't needa worry."
It was times such as that where Nicky felt both affection and frustration with the petite Italian teen. Not only because she wanted that baggie back in her pocket, but she also wished Lorna would put that amount of care back towards herself. Because it was clear to her that she hadn't been taking good care of herself; she sucked in a breath and let her arms carefully pull the brunette closer against her body. Lips brushed tenderly atop the flesh of her forehead.
"Do ya ever put this much energy into taking care of yourself, Lorna?"
The query brought an uneasiness over Lorna. Leave it to Nicky to turn everything around on her. She always seemed to do that in a way that seemed so natural and innocent, however, that simply exhausted Lorna to no end. It continued to make keeping up with her façade a greater, tiring, challenge. "Of course, of course I do, Nicky," she did her best to convince the other.
But Nicky was not convinced, not even close. "That's not true, baby, if you properly took care of yourself, you would talk about what's really going on with you. You put yourself on the backburner for everyone else and that shows that you don't care about yourself, Lorna." She brushed a thumb softly up and down her cheek, peering deeply into her brown eyes.
Lorna felt a lump sit in the pit of her stomach. Why did Nicky always have to tear down her walls so easily? It was as though the girl could see right through her or something. Even her sister had a challenging time with that. Yet, it seemed natural for Nicky to do so. All the more frustrated it made her feel to come to that conclusion. She yearned to be open with her, however, she had to remind herself that that wouldn't be of benefit to either of them. Nicky was already dealing with enough, she told herself, she wasn't about to add to the pile.
Chapter 23
Notes:
Author's Note: I just want to take a moment to thank whoever is taking the time to still read this story. It means a lot to me because I wasn't expecting anyone to read this or any of my stories anymore. Thank you.
Chapter Text
Chapter Twenty-Two
It was mid-afternoon when Lorna arrived back at her father's house. A week without him passed by all too quickly, she repulsively thought. The only positive thing that came out of that was not having to see her uncle anymore. She pushed open the front door, stepped inside and re-shut it behind her. The house was silent—eerily silent. She cautiously walked through the living room and up the staircase to her room. Remembering the conversation she shared with Nicky earlier, she figured it would be a wise idea to get that baggie of heroin the hell out of her room, flushed down the toilet.
However, as she entered into her room, she caught sight of Mr. Morello standing in front of the very dresser she planned to retrieve said baggie from. His arms were folded aggressively over his chest, she noticed, and there was clearly something held between his hands. A deep breath inhaled through her lungs. She reminded herself that having her father capture the heroin was much better than the alternative if she had allowed her beloved girlfriend to swing by and 'take care' of it. It was better she sacrificed a peaceful evening if it meant keeping Nicky from taking any more of the heroin—she certainly hadn't want the girl she loved and cared for developing an unhealthy addiction.
"Care to explain what the fuck this is, Lorna?" Mr. Morello's voice echoed piercingly through the room. He unfolded his arms and held out his hands with the baggie sitting in one of his palms, using one of his index fingers to point profusely at it. Eyebrows arched disapprovingly over brown eyes that held fury in them. He was gone five days and came home to his youngest daughter hiding drugs in her room. Oh, did it enrage him to see that.
Lorna folded her hands together at her side—they were clammy not surprisingly—and kept her gaze anywhere but at her father. A knot was clearly evident in her stomach, she observed as a slight pang emanated from it. "Uh, it's a bag with powder in it. Powdered sugar," she regurgitated a quick lie; she didn't even plan it. The words spilled out of her mouth without a moment of thought.
Powdered sugar his ass, Joe thought to himself. He tightened his grip on the plastic material and glared darkly at his daughter. "You think I'm stupid, little girl? You expect me to believe this is a bag of fucking powdered sugar?"
Rubbing at her temples to stop the forming headache, Lorna swallowed thickly. She wished her father was stupid. Or gullible enough to believe it was only a bag of sugar. "I mean it, dad, it really is just powdered sugar. Uncle George insisted I scraped every less spec of sugar from his donut the other day and then made me put the remnants of the sugar in that baggie," the lie gradually added upon without any hesitation. She'd never had the ability to come up with such a story on-the-spot like that before. She only hoped that it was believable enough.
"Yeah, is that so? Then I'll go ahead and put this powdered sugar on my bowl of cereal," he said matter-of-factly while tucking the small baggie into his shirt pocket. He walked towards the door to leave but stopped and looked back at her as if waiting for a reaction.
"Enjoy that, dad," was the only response Lorna could come up with. She watched as he finally exited her room before allowing a fit of laughter to escape her. The image of him pouring that entire bag of white powder over his cereal was something she wouldn't mind watching, however, she certainly didn't want to be in his presence once he realized the truth of the matter.
With her father finally gone from the upstairs, Lorna pulled her phone out of the pocket of her jeans. She flipped it open with her thumb and scrolled through until she came across Nicky's contact information. As she waited through the rings, another small laugh tumbled from her vocal chords. She couldn't stop seeing the look on her father's face when he went in for that first bite of his sugar-coated oats. The aftermath, however, was not going to be quite as funny, she thought.
It only took a few rings before the line was picked up on the other end. "Hey, kid, what's up?" Nicky's voice greeted through the receiver.
"You're never gonna believe this, hon, but my dad is having powdered sugar on his oats right now," she responded, and then covered her mouth to stifle her laughs at the realization that she hadn't given any other context behind the words she just spoke. That may have been the dumbest statement she'd ever made, she thought. And that thought alone only added to her muffled laughter. God, she must have sounded like a crazy person.
Resting on her abdomen on her bed, Nicky arched her eyebrows puzzlingly over her eyes as she held the phone to her ear and listened to what her girlfriend had to share. To say she was confused would be a bit of an understatement. "Your dad is having powdered sugar on his oats? Good for him, kid. Nothing like a little diabetes in the evening, yeah?" A light-hearted chuckle tumbled up through her larynx. Oh Lorna—oh her Lorna, she thought.
"Not just any powdered sugar, Nicky, it's a special powdered sugar."
Nicky squinted her eyes as if that would miraculously help her comprehend what Lorna was hinting at. Special powdered sugar, the words repeated through her mind. Powdered. Wait, she thought, the powder of heroin. That was the only thing she knew of that had some form of powder in it was that baggie she left on the dresser in Lorna's bedroom. Instinctively, she reached a hand over her mouth. Now everything seemed to make sense to her—no wonder the brunette was chuckling on the other end.
"Shit, kid, your dad found the heroin?"
Lorna nodded with another snicker. "He did but he thinks it's powdered sugar. I told him my uncle made me take off all the sugar from a donut and that's what was in the bag," she repeated her words from earlier, slightly proud of herself for coming up with a semi-believable story.
Mentally, the redhead facepalmed herself. She had a hunch something like this would happen if she hadn't have taken the heroin back. And, now, it would probably only get worse once Lorna's dad realized the white powder wasn't actually sugar. "Oh, Lorna," she softly muttered, cradling the phone gently in her hand against her ear. "I don't think this is gonna turn out good, doll."
"It's okay, hon—I rather my dad get a little upset over some fake sugar than have my girlfriend be tempted to take any more a that stuff," her voice tenderly admitted, and she meant every word that came out of her mouth. She could handle her dad's screaming matches but she couldn't handle the thought of Nicky continuing down the path of drugs.
"Lorna." A soft sigh came from Nicky's lungs. Her brunette girlfriend always knew exactly what to say to make her well up with emotions, she observed. "I just don't want you to get in trouble for my bad choices, yeah? You're too precious, kid."
"Eh, I don't care about getting in trouble—I just didn't want ya to take it back and be tempted, ya know? I worry about you, honey. The thought of ya getting addicted to drugs—heroin—it scares me," Lorna truthfully revealed; her hand tightened around the phone, she longed for it to be Nicky she was holding instead and sighed.
Once again Nicky found herself struggling to get a breath out without it turning into a sniffle. She swallowed hard and bit down on the side of her mouth. "You don't have to be scared about that, baby, I'm not gonna do it anymore. I swear. Please don't worry your precious heart over that, my sweet Lorna," she huskily pleaded, stroking the tips of her fingers delicately around the outline of her cellular device.
A deep breath expelled from her lungs. How she longed to believe her. Yet, until Nicky was away from both of her dead-beat parents, Lorna wouldn't be able to rest easy knowing how close she was to people with drugs. With how vulnerable the redhead was at the moment, it wouldn't surprise her one iota if she went back to that girl for more heroin. Her eyes shut as she inhaled sharply. She only hoped that soon Nicky would be moving in with Red. If not for any other reason, for the redhead's own safety.
"I will worry less once Red finally says that you can live with her. I mean I know ya say ya won't get more heroin or anything but I know you're dealing with a lot so I wouldn't blame ya if ya did. But that scares me. I don't want ya to get addicted to any drugs, hon. They're dangerous," Lorna muttered, swallowing a lump. A faint sniffle worked its way up and out of her, she hadn't even realized tears had fallen until she heard the sniffle.
The sniffle didn't go unnoticed by Nicky, either. Her eyes softened at the heartrending sound. Hearing it only made her yearn to be with Lorna stronger. "Baby, you're crying," she murmured gently, pushing the phone even closer to hear ear. It broke her heart to know how upset she'd unintentionally made her girlfriend. A hand she brushed through her unruly mane of red curls. "You don't have to be scared, kid, I promise you I'm not going to get any more heroin. I promise. Please calm down, Lorna."
"No more heroin, Nicky. Please I don't want anything to ever happen to you," Lorna pleaded, tears clouding her vision as she lay back against her pillow and curled up on her side. She tried to stop the sniffles but they came out all too quickly. The harder she tried to hold in all of her emotions, the more they came out without even a warning.
As if she wasn't upset enough, the faint sound of things slamming around downstairs caught her off guard and only added to all of the emotions she was already experiencing. The tears wouldn't stop coming. Sniffles quickened her breathing. She felt like her body was closing in on itself at that point. Hazy, disoriented, and choking on her own sobs. She knew she was a mess.
Nicky slicked her hair back as she listened in on the other end. A pang formed in her chest to hear how distraught the younger girl was and not be able to provide her any comfort other than words over the phone. "Are ya laying down, kid?" She inquired in a hushed voice, longing to be next to her so that she could properly soothe her and wipe away all of her tears. Instead, she had to settle on soothing her through their phones.
Lorna nodded through a gut-wrenching sob, but then realized she had to answer with words and that only made a second sob come out of her. She couldn't comprehend what the hell was going on with herself at that moment. How, in a matter of minutes, she went from laughing to not being able to breathe because of all of the sniffling and sobbing she involuntarily was doing. "Y-yes," was her meek response.
"Good," Nicky hummed warmly, laying back against her pillow as well. She moved the phone over to her other ear as she inhaled slowly. "Just lay down and breathe, baby. I'm right here; everything's okay. Everything's okay, my sweet Lorna. I'm right here and I love you so much. I'm not ever going to touch another morsel of heroin again, I promise you that. You don't need to ever worry about that again, kid."
Snuggling closer to her comforter, Lorna nodded gradually while shutting her eyes. "I love you, hon. I just want you to be alive and healthy."
Brushing her fingers delicately around the back of the phone held to her ear, Nicky felt her breath slightly catch in her throat. She lay against the pillow on her bed and closed her eyes for several quiet seconds. Her heart was bursting inside her chest. "I love you too, kid," she murmured back. Then, she looked up at the ceiling as a sigh erupted through her windpipe. "I know and I am, doll. I want you to be alive and healthy too. I guess it's good we both try to take care of ourselves, yeah?"
The faint sound of items being slammed—thrown about—from the vents in her room brought a throbbing ache between Lorna's temples. Lying about that bag of white powder seemed to be coming back to haunt her. The sound through the vents confirmed that Mr. Morello must have realized it wasn't sweetener like she'd informed him it was. Anxiety intensified majorly at the thought. She hoped he wouldn't come back upstairs to do anything.
"Lorna? You there, kid?" Such an uncanny silence hadn't gone unnoticed by Nicky. A hand reached up to mess about with her unruly bush of red hair as she waited for her girlfriend to answer.
"Sorry, I just—I think my dad finally noticed it's not really sugar," Lorna whispered, not wanting her voice to be too loud in case her father was lurking in the hallway. A lump was felt in her throat; she could be a professional at digging her own holes with all the lies she continued spewing out, she deemed.
Shaking her head sadly, Nicky mentally facepalmed herself. That comment convinced her that it was a mistake for she to have not gone back to retrieve the heroin. She loathed to think that Lorna may possibly get in trouble over something that wasn't even hers. Guilt rose within her. She bit the bottom of her lip and expelled a deep breath. "No, you don't need to be sorry. I do. I'm sorry, Lorna, I shouldn't have even had that stupid baggie in my possession. I really hope ya don't get in any trouble—you can tell him it was mine, yeah?"
Lorna shook her head profusely at that. "I'm not upset that you left it here, hon. I'm glad ya did because I wouldn't want ya to be tempted if ya had it with you. I'll just tell him I thought it was sugar because that's what my uncle told me. No big deal, it'll be okay. He's just being real loud and it's irritating my ears is all."
"He's being loud? What's he doing, kid? Everything okay?" Concern filled her tone with each query that flowed out from her mouth. Nicky turned on her side, letting her eyes wander out the window that was placed directly in the center of the wall. The sun already passed down through the horizon leaving behind shades of pinks and purples to streak through the sky.
"I don't know, he likes to slam things around when he's mad. I can hear it through the vents in my room. I just wish he'd stop, I don't like how loud it is."
Nicky's eyes went soft as she kept her gaze out her bedroom's window. Her heart clenched for the young brunette. How she yearned to have her right there beside her so that she could cradle her in her arms. She inhaled deeply and leaned back against the mattress. "I'm sorry, kid. Is there anything I can do to help ya?"
"Just talkin' to ya is good, hon. What're you up to?"
Their conversation, however, was rapidly halted by the sound of harsh footsteps sounding through the hallway. Lorna's heart began pounding slightly harder in her chest. A hand was placed over it as if to somehow slow it back down. With the footsteps gradually loudening, she inhaled and closed her eyes for a minute. She didn't want to hang up but she couldn't risk her girlfriend possibly finding out about the abuse. "I don't mean to be rude or anything but I, erm, I'm gonna have to go. My dad's not happy and I think I should clean up or somethin' to stay on his good side. I'll call ya later if that's okay?" The reluctance in her tone was strong; she certainly wasn't pleased with having to cut their conversation short.
To stay on his good side? Those six words repeated themselves in the older teen's head. Concern instinctively formed. She couldn't quite decipher what Lorna had possibly been hinting at. "Yeah, course', that's fine…but I'm worried about ya. What do ya mean when you say staying on your dad's good side, kid?"
Lorna swallowed thickly, realizing that yet again she'd dug herself even further into a hole. Thankfully—but also not thankfully—her father's angrily stomping into the room interjected her from having to elaborate deeper. She quickly said goodbye to her girlfriend, with resistance of course, and braced herself for whatever Mr. Morello was prepared to throw her way.
Rage was displayed on his face as he walked nearer to her. Liars were not something he tolerated lightly. Out of his high state of anger, he grabbed at the collar of Lorna's t-shirt and glared menacingly into her eyes. "That was not powdered sugar, ya little lying bitch. What the hell is that shit? Are ya fucking taking drugs now?"
His face was so close to her own, she practically felt the saliva falling from his mouth directly onto her own face. The unnerving sensation quickly erupted a shutter from her. She loathed the close proximity between them; it caused her to feel severely uncomfortable and nauseated. There was a dark gleam emanating from her father, one that she'd never seen before and it had her body wince once more. She longed to be back at her sister's house where she didn't have to constantly live in fear.
"Fucking answer my goddamn question," Mr. Morello growled, raising one of his hands and letting it roughly collide with his daughter's cheek. The collision was so intense that it left a red handprint behind. His breath was hot over Lorna's face as he continued to glare spitefully down at her. It didn't bother him at all that his hand imprinted against her cheek from the vile slap. What mattered to him was the fact that she refused to acknowledge his inquiry.
"No, no, I-I'm not taking no drugs. That was Uncle George's bag, I just thought it was sugar," Lorna nervously muttered, trying to move away from her father's touch.
Another smack to her cheek. "Then why the fuck did ya make me think it was powdered fucking sugar? You lyin' little rat!" The anger only built up stronger and stronger the more lies that he heard spew out from his daughter's dirty mouth.
Lorna swallowed, feeling her throat slightly raw from the lack of hydration. She sucked in a huff of air. "I didn't lie, I didn't know it wasn't. I swear, dad."
"Yeah well ya fucking did lie! You said you fucking scraped powdered sugar from a donut but you damn well knew that was fucking bullshit. You better swear on your motha's grave that you're not lyin' bout' this bag being my brotha's because if I call him and he says otherwise, you're gonna be in for it. Ya hear me, little brat?"
Resting a hand over her temple, Lorna gradually massaged her fingers into it to ease the building tension. Her body stiffened at the thought of swearing on her mother's grave. She felt the color drain from her face from how uncomfortable it made her. How she loathed her father's ever even bringing Mrs. Morello up in conversation because she knew he only did so out of spite. It angered her to realize just how little he seemed to actually care for such a wonderful woman like her mother was.
"I—I'm not swearing on mom's grave. And I don't care if ya don't believe me. I can't fight with you anymore, it's exhausting. Can't I just move in with Franny? Please?"
"Move in with Franny?" Mr. Morello snickered at the suggestion. As if he'd allow his youngest daughter to go live with his eldest—he didn't need another disgrace to the family, he irritatingly thought. "Hell no. Franny ain't fit to be raisin' a teenage brat, she can't even take care of that little rugrat of hers."
Cupping both of her hands around either side of her face, the petite brunette let out an exasperated groan. "Don't talk like that about her," she gritted her teeth, inwardly shocked at herself. "Franny is a better mom to Marco than you are to any of us. Just fuckin' let me go live with her, please. I don't like it here anymore; you're mean and you scare me."
When she felt his hand come in harsh contact with her cheek once more, she wasn't surprised. In fact, she expected worse with how bold she had been with her choice of words. It wasn't like her to talk back with such an attitude. But she meant everything she said. Living with her father was draining her, wearing her down—physically and mentally. She knew if she stayed there any longer with him, it was highly possible she would end up very suicidal and that wasn't a path she wanted to go down.
"Ya think I'm mean and scary? Ya haven't seen shit yet, Lorna. I can make life a whole lot worse for ya. Better fucking watch yourself, little girl. I should fucking put you in boot camp or somethin' to get rid a yer snarky little attitude. God, I'm so sick of it."
Monday morning brought with it so much dread. Crippling anxiety, worry, and fear as well. Oh, and she couldn't forget the aching cheeks from being her father's punching bag the night before. She stood frozen at the entrance of her high school. Her eyes peered inside the windows of the doors, watching intensely as students walked about the halls. She didn't want to go in there today. The thought of how all her classmates would react to her after the toilet incident the previous Friday kept her from moving any further.
Instead, Lorna sat down on a bench that was placed on the walkway near a flowerbed on the left of the doors. Birds chirped tranquilly through the sky, a couple of them perching on a nearby birch tree. She let her eyes wander over at them, watching as they pecked their small noses against one another. It was a heartwarming sight to see; she felt an instinctive smile mold onto her face. The red cardinal, slightly taller, made her think of Nicky—beautiful and spirited. The other bird—one she couldn't easily figure out the breed of—brown feathered and shorter statured reminded her somewhat of herself, being timid and naïve.
The sound of the bell ringing through the loudspeaker that was nailed on the metal frame right above the doors lured her back into reality. She drew in a deep breath. It was probably wise that she make her way inside, she thought. Yet, trepidation creeped up and she paused on the edge of the bench. Was she prepared for this? The question tore through her mind. She didn't even need to ponder it long, she knew she would never be adequately prepared to face her classmates after what happened.
A hand was lifted up and used to slick back her hair. Another several moments passed by before Lorna decided to push herself up from the bench. She gradually walked nearer the door, however, halted her steps when she caught sight of a familiar head of bushy red curls through the glass. That couldn't possibly be Nicky, she hopefully thought. Her breath slightly hitched in her throat. If that was indeed her Nicky, she pondered, what on earth would the reason be for that? Unless by some godly miracle, Nicky had actually moved in with Red.
She finally stepped inside the building, after getting her emotions back under control, and felt a smile find its way back to her face. Nicky was really standing there, seemingly talking with one of the secretaries—and from the words she could make out, it sounded like her beloved girlfriend was re-enrolling as a student. It felt too good to be true, she thought. But, oh was she ecstatic. Something was finally going in the right direction for her, or so she believed.
And then the universe showed its true intentions. Lorna placed a hand on either side of her face, shutting her eyes momentarily. Out of the corner of her eye, she had caught a glimpse of none other than Annalisa walking from the other direction and felt her heart constrict in her chest. She knew it was too good to have Nicky back here and now, she was being shown just how much the universe truly hated her. Nothing good ever came without an undesirable chaser right behind it.
Everything unfolded in such a way that it didn't give Lorna any time to process what was happening. It was as though the universe enjoyed watching her scramble about while tormenting her in the most subtle of ways. Both Nicky and Annalisa noticed her standing there in the middle of the hallway—probably looking like a deer in headlights—and they walked over in her direction. Lorna swallowed a gob of saliva, bracing herself for what was to come. She knew it was too late for her to run.
Annalisa got to her first and looked her over with an ominous sneer. "I'm surprised they let ya back here so soon after what ya did on Friday, little Morello. Guess they don't take suicidal students serious huh? I sure hope ya don't try to do anything like that again, would be a real shame," the mocking tone strongly came out with each word she spoke. She placed a hand on her shoulder and her blue eyes gazed piercingly into Lorna's, silently threatening her.
Lorna shuddered at her touch and quickly backed away, trying to shake the blonde's hand from her shoulder. "I don't know what you're talking about," she whispered, not wanting her girlfriend to overhear their conversation. However, it was too late for that.
Standing behind the brunette, Nicky heard everything and felt her heart shatter. She arched her eyebrows, letting her big brown eyes gaze down at Lorna. Nothing but compassion and empathy hidden in them. "What is she talking about, Lorna? What happened on Friday?"
Chapter Text
Chapter Twenty-Three
"Oh you didn't hear?" The blonde interjected, smirking all the while. She gripped tighter onto Lorna's shoulder, her nails digging into her skin from how rough her clutch was. "Your little friend here tried to kill herself. A real shame, ain't it?"
Nicky watched her with a hard glance; she didn't like how she grabbed at the petite brunette. Her arms crossed firmly over her chest. "Yeah can ya not fuckin' touch Lorna like that? She clearly isn't comfortable so get your hand off of her," the words spilled coldly from her mouth, a protective gleam seeping from her dark colored eyes.
With a grumble, Annalisa reluctantly released her grip but not without making sure Lorna slipped harshly to the ground after which. She nonchalantly rolled her eyes and snickered. "What a klutz ya are, little Morello," she commented, backing further away from the pair of them. Her head shook furiously, she was enraged that the redhead showed up to halt her taunting and teasing of Morello. She gave her a distasteful glare in return.
Immediately helping Lorna up, the anger inside of Nicky continued to amplify. A protective arm wrapped around the small girl's waist, she turned to Annalisa with a fierce glower. "You made her fall. The fuck's your problem? Leave Lorna the hell alone, ya hear me? Get outta here," she yelled, not loosening her hold until the blonde finally scurried away from them. Before she started bombarding her girlfriend with any questions, she carefully took hold of her hand and led them down a different hallway towards the nurses office. Hoping a more private space would make it easier for them to properly discuss the happenings of Friday. Because Nicky couldn't wrap her mind around Lorna's being suicidal. There had to be more to the story, she deemed.
They finally made it into Mrs. Reznikov's office, a short few minutes later, and the Russian woman turned from her desk to see who'd entered inside. Despite a smile not on her face, she was truly happy to see the two girls reunited—their friendship was something to be admired. She was also grateful to have the chance to look after Nicky; to her, it was a surprise the young girl's parents were so easily willing to allow her to live with her. Yet, she couldn't be more gracious for such an opportunity.
Nicky carefully situated Lorna on one of the chairs and then sat in the one right beside her. She reached a hand over to lovingly cup around one of the other's, allowing her thumb to stroke delicately over each of her knuckles. A pang was felt in her chest. She still tried to piece together what was mentioned to her only moments ago. However, no matter how hard she tried to make sense of it, she couldn't comprehend any of it. Her eyes looked Lorna over methodically, she didn't look suicidal. No, Lorna wouldn't even ponder something like that…would she?
Red watched the two silently. She wondered if Lorna had shared with Nicky what took place the other day. Both girls seemed to have a somber expression on their faces and it was proving to be quite the challenge for her to decipher what either of them could possibly be thinking. "Would you girls care for a cup of tea?" She hoped the suggestion would lighten the atmosphere in the room somewhat.
"I wouldn't mind a cup, ma, thanks. Might as well make one for Lorna, too, please," Nicky decided.
While Red was busy preparing the beverage, she turned her attention back on the petite brunette beside her and felt her heart clench inside of her. It seemed more and more was coming to light with Lorna lately and all of it felt like a sharp knife to her chest. Her heart ached tremendously for her—Lorna had done nothing but show her the utmost compassion and now her life appeared to be falling apart right in front of them.
Inhaling slowly, Lorna couldn't bring herself to look at Nicky. Her mind was still trying to process all that just took place. She timidly lifted a hand to slick back her hair out of nervous habit. The tapping of her feet against the tiled floor came as a surprise to her, she looked down at her legs and realized they were slightly shaking. She placed her hands over top of them and pushed her fingers into the flesh to stop the trembling motion.
"Can ya tell me what happened, kid?" Nicky finally asked, her voice soft and tender. She let a hand frame delicately around one of her cheeks, looking compassionately into her eyes.
Lorna swallowed thickly, shifting her legs back and forth. Her mouth opened to say something but she couldn't get any words to come out. She didn't know how to answer the question. Either response—whether the honest truth or the truth that the whole school assumed—weren't anything she was okay with admitting. A deep breath escaped from her lungs as she continued to inaudibly contemplate. "I—I don't know," she muttered, not much louder than a whisper.
Before the two could continue the conversation, Red came back over with two steaming cups of tea. She handed one to each girl and sat down on the chair beside Nicky. Her eyes glanced between the pair of them, still unsure of what was going on. "Care if I join you girls?"
Nicky gave a nod in response. She wondered if her surrogate mother might have any idea about the Friday incident. Bringing the mug to her lips, she sipped her tea and turned her head to glance at the Russian woman. "Do you know what happened on Friday? Did something happen with Lorna? Some little snot was saying she tried to kill herself but there's no way that's true, right?" There was a desperate gleam in her eyes; she yearned for that statement to be false. She couldn't imagine her Lorna to even ponder over such an idea. Her hand, that was still cradled around the brunette's cheek, caressed softly around its flesh.
Uncomfortable with the many questions, Lorna slightly shied away from her girlfriend's touch. She squinted her eyes as she looked from Nicky then to Red. "I'm sitting right here. Why are ya talking like I'm not here? Do ya not see me?" It wasn't hard to not notice the faint aggravation seeping through her voice.
"I know you're here, kid. But ya said you don't know what happened. I just thought Red might be able to help figure out what's going on with ya, yeah? I'm sorry, I'm just worried about ya," Nicky softly said, placing a delicate hand onto the other's hand and stroking it soothingly with her thumb. Seeing her retreat from her touch only strengthened the worry she felt.
Taking a long sip of her own tea, Red observed the two with a pang in her chest. Clearly, Lorna hadn't informed her best friend of what happened and now, it seemed as though she was trying to pretend it didn't happen in the first place. She couldn't blame her for that, though, an incident like that was something anyone would probably want to forget ever even occurred. "Lorna, honey, why don't ya tell Nicky what happened? It's okay, you two are best friends. You're supposed to talk about things like that with each other."
Nicky's breath caught in her throat after hearing that; she fixed her gaze back on Lorna, eyes soft and warm as they looked her over methodically. Her Lorna, she thought, her Lorna really had tried to—she tried to take her own life. Just thinking it in her head made her shudder. She swallowed uneasily, letting her hand tighten its grip on Lorna's. "You know I love you, kid. Please don't be scared to talk to me about whatever happened, yeah? I'm not gonna judge you," her voice tenderly pleaded, a slight desperateness hidden in her tone.
"No," Lorna started, shaking her head furiously. She set her tea down on the small table that held a pile of magazines and looked between the other two with an exasperated expression looming over her. "No. I am—I'm not crazy, I'm not a fucking crazy person."
"Of course you're not crazy, Lorna," Nicky lovingly assured her, looking into her eyes with the utmost affection. She used a finger to tenderly tuck a stand of brown hair behind her ear and sighed. It was clear that something more serious was going on with her girlfriend—she knew that something wasn't exactly right but would have never imagined that something to be a possible suicide attempt. "Just tell me what happened, please. I wanna help you, baby."
The walls felt like they were closing in on her, and at a rapid pace, nonetheless. It was near impossible for Lorna to catch her breath. Her heart felt like it would fall out of her chest at any moment from how fast it was beating. She swallowed, her throat felt raw and dry and she realized she hadn't had even had one sip of her tea yet. But she couldn't even bring herself to do that, such a simple task. "Nicky, I can't—I don't know how to answer you. I-I don't know what to say," she choked out, her emotions finally catching up to her and she couldn't do anything to stop them. Tears were already soaking her face.
Watching her with concerned eyes, Nicky felt her heart bursting in pain for the younger teen. It was blatantly evident how much suffering she was mentally going through at the moment—not just on her face, but through her body language as well. She sucked in a deep breath and let her arms protectively wrap around Lorna's petite frame. "Just be honest, kid. It's okay, I'm not gonna judge ya. I just want you to be open with me, that's all. I love you so much and I can only help you if I know what's going on, yeah?" She brushed her lips delicately along the flesh of Lorna's forehead.
Red observed the two quietly and decided to give them their privacy. She excused herself, walking back to her office to catch up on some much-needed paperwork on her computer.
Lorna gulped. Why was it so hard for her to come up with the words to respond with? She rubbed vigorously at her temples. "I-I promise you I didn't do it, Nicky. It wasn't me, I promise."
"What didn't you do? Talk to me, baby," Nicky murmured in a hushed tone, letting her hands run soothingly through dark waves of hair.
"Try to—try to drown myself in the toilet. I swear I didn't do that," the brunette pleaded, tears spilling from her eyes like a never ending waterfall.
Biting the side of her mouth, Nicky only tightened her arms around the smaller girl. She maneuvered her so that her head was resting directly onto her chest. The one and only place she knew she could keep Lorna safe. The mental image of Lorna's head submerged in a toilet bowl made her stomach churn unnervingly. She swallowed thickly. "Lorna," she warmly said, looking down at her with a tenderness in her eyes. She brushed her lips on the top of her head, hugging her closer. "Why, why did ya do that, kid?" Her voice slightly shaky as the question spilled out from her mouth.
Lorna shook her head, glancing back up at her with wide eyes. "No, Nicky, I said I didn't do that. It wasn't me. I swear, I wouldn't do that. I'm not fucking crazy. I mean I might be but I'm not suicidal crazy."
Combing a hand lovingly through her hair, Nicky sighed and rested her head against Lorna's. Her arms squeezed softly around her body, not wanting to ever let go. The fear was too much. "You're not crazy, not even close," she murmured, nuzzling her cheek against the brunette's. "Did someone else try to drown you in the toilet? Who was it, baby? Who hurt you?"
"It, it don't matter who, hon. It just wasn't me."
"No, no," Nicky firmly responded, cupping a warm hand around Lorna's cheek. She let her eyes peer fiercely into hers. "It absolutely does matter who did that to you, baby. They tried to fucking kill you. You could have died, Lorna. Tell me who the hell tried to kill you, yeah?" Desperation seeped heavily through her voice as she held her gaze. On one hand, she felt a sense of relief to know that at least Lorna hadn't done anything to herself; however, on the other hand, she was enraged to hear that someone else had been the culprit of the almost deadly incident.
Slicking her hair back out of nervous habit, Lorna swallowed roughly and reached for her cup of tea from the table in front of their chairs. The cup was still slightly warm as her hands wrapped around it. She brought it up to her lips, sipping the tea slowly. Immediately, the lukewarm liquid hitting her raw throat brought a soothing sensation to it. "Nicky, I don't think it's a good idea for me to tell ya who did it."
"And why is that, kid?" Nicky questioned, folding her arms over her chest. Albeit the defensive aura of her positioning, compassion was the only expression that was molded onto her face.
Another sip of tea was taken to procrastinate her response. Lorna considered silently whether or not it was a beneficial pronouncement to share with her girlfriend who had been the one to almost drown her in the toilet. The last thing she wanted was for Nicky to get upset and act on impulse. However, the longer she observed her face, the more she felt her heart clench. Placing her tea back down, she reached a hand gently over to cup around Nicky's cheek. She let her eyes meld into hers.
"Nicky, you're the sweetest person I ever met. And I just don't think you knowing the person who done it is gonna benefit ya in the long run," Lorna softly commented, letting her fingers brush lightly along the flesh of her girlfriend's cheek.
Giving a slight shake of her head, Nicky cupped her hand overtop of Lorna's. She peered passionately into her brown eyes, feeling her lungs bursting with air. "How am I supposed to protect ya, though, if I don't know who hurt you?" Using her thumb, she delicately tucked a ringlet of brown hair behind the younger teen's ear.
Protected? Lorna bit down her on lip. No one protected her but herself, she thought. The sentiment, of course, warmed her heart tremendously but she knew it was no one's responsibility to protect her other than herself. "I appreciate the thought, hon, but it's okay. Ya don't gotta worry about protecting me, really. I love you," her voice murmured softly, she gave a small smile towards the other girl. A genuine smile even though it hadn't really made it to her eyes.
"I love you too, Lorna. That's why I want to protect you. Please let me help, yeah?"
I'm not worthy of protection was a thought that ran through Lorna's mind in response to the words that were said to her. But she kept it to herself and instead pursed her lips into another smile. "Thank you, hon, but everything's fine now. You don't have to worry, I promise. I, uh, should probably get to class. I'm already late."
Nicky grumbled out a groan, quickly growing frustrated with the brunette. How she once again seemed to minimize the seriousness of the situation. It irritated her to no end how anyone could be so—so dismissive. She felt a slight twinge of anger bubbling up as well, mixing in with the vexation. "No, no, no! Fine? Fine?! Everything is not fucking fine, Lorna," she gritted her teeth, yanking on her arm a little rougher than she had intended. Yet she couldn't help it with how angry she felt at that moment. Maybe the anger wasn't directed at Lorna, but the words she kept spewing out—like a broken record—surely didn't ease any of the anger. "Why do you not fucking care about yourself? I don't fucking get it, Lorna. You act like being drowned…or nearly drowned in a toilet is a normal occurrence and it just, it really boils my blood. How can ya fucking sit and have compassion for me when you don't even show yourself any? It's maddening to me."
The smile rapidly dissipated from her face. Her grip on Nicky immediately released itself. Those words cut at her like a knife. She felt her breath hitch in her throat. Feet pushed her backwards, farther away from the redhead. As she looked up at her, her heart clenched inside her chest. The look in Nicky's eyes told her she was fed up and Lorna turned towards the door. Needing to get as far away from her as possible. She didn't hesitate another second, pushing it open and running out of there as fast her as legs would take her.
She ran down the hall, through a corridor and back towards the school entrance. It didn't even matter to her anymore that school was still in session for another several hours; she needed to get the hell out of there, now. Everything was just too much for her. A sense of claustrophobia plagued her until she exited through the set of double-doors that led back to the outside. Though her ears welcomed the chirping of birds, rain poured from the clouds in buckets. Soaking her in a matter of seconds. However, even that wasn't enough to deter her from continuing her mad run through the parking lot.
Wind whirled around her as she kept the pace, she didn't have any clue as to where she was going but she hadn't planned on stopping any time soon, either. The only thing that plagued her mind at that moment was to keep breathing. Because the speed of her run made it a challenge for her lungs to take in and disperse the air around her. The rain continued to pour on her, also contributing to the provocation of her lungs trying to contract. Her vision was slightly blurred from the heavy downfall. She forced her way through it, regardless, following the cement path past the school and soon into the small city.
The rain gradually let up once she made it into town. She walked past several local businesses until she found herself standing in front of her favored coffee shop. Her shoes squeaked against the cement underneath them from how soaked the rain made them. Bold scents seeped from underneath the door, hitting her right in the nose and encouraged her hands to pull the handle of the door to finally allow herself to enter inside. She didn't care too much if her sister was there and caught her skipping school, she hoped if that were the case that Franny would give her leeway after the previous Friday's incident.
After observing the outburst between the two girls, Red got up and went to sit with Nicky—who looked stunned at all that just occurred moments earlier. She only heard bits and pieces from her office, but enough to know that something was clearly amiss amongst the friends. She placed a comforting hand onto the young girl's shoulder, sufficient of a touch to yield her attention. Their eyes met, hers with sympathy and the younger's with anguish. She let her fingers brush against the shoulder they rest atop.
The touch on her shoulder brought an instant comfort. Despite still feeling slightly agitated, Red's presence seemed to easily relax the tension in her body. She slumped somewhat in her seat, in a comfortable manner, and turned her head to stare back at the older woman beside her. The same woman who became like a surrogate mother to her. If she hadn't been so concerned with Lorna, she would have effortlessly smiled. "I was too harsh on her wasn't I, ma?"
Nurse Reznikov moved her hand from her shoulder to cover over top of Nicky's, letting her thumb stroke comforting circles around the flesh of it. Though the atmosphere was left disheartened after Lorna's running out, she still formed a warm smile on her face. One that held compassion and empathy for her Nicky. "Well, you could have probably been a little gentler with your words but sometimes tough love can be helpful too…but in this instance, I think maybe less harsh woulda been the way to go," Red truthfully answered her, giving a soft pat to the hand she held.
Covering her head in her hands, Nicky exhaled a frustrated puff of air. She sorely regretted her earlier spout of outrage at her beloved girlfriend. Even when the words flowed out without hesitation, she knew she was being too hard. Too edgy. And now, Lorna ran off to only god knows where. She rubbed at her temples. Hopefully the girl only ran to her class like she had originally stated but she couldn't know for sure. And the not knowing was what pulled at her heart the most, she realized.
"I'm not the gentlest person, am I?" A faint chuckle escaped her as she queried; gentle was something she strayed away from and had she allowed herself to display any gentleness, the only recipient was Lorna.
"That's not entirely true, Nicky," the Russian maternal figure informed her and she meant it. She'd witnessed that right before the outburst between the pair. "You're the gentlest when it comes to Lorna, I seen that earlier. You just get passionate over things, sometimes, and the emotions cloud your judgment. But that doesn't negate your gentleness. I think it's best to let her have some time to herself, whatever it is that's happened to her she doesn't seem quite ready to open up about it. Prying her right now will only make things worse."
The coffee shop seemed to be hustling and bustling with a decent sized line of customers waiting to place their beverage orders. Lorna stood at the end of it and glanced at her phone to see it was only eight o'clock in the morning—hence the business, she deemed. The line moved rather quickly, she noticed, and soon she found herself at the front of it, standing at the sales counter as she looked over the coffee menu with a critical eye. She noticed both her sister and Alex were working behind it, Franny taking the orders and the latter preparing the drinks.
Franny glanced up from the register's screen and felt a bout of concern inch its way up her face when her eyes landed on Lorna right across from her. "What're ya doin' here, Lorn? You're supposed to be at school…how did ya get here?" Instinctively, she folded her arms over her chest and raised an inquisitive eyebrow over her lightly colored eye. Albeit her stance, she wasn't too upset with the girl for not being in school—not after all that had happened only a few days prior.
"I walked—erm, I guess maybe ran here. I just—I can't focus on school today, Fran. I thought if I came and got a coffee, it might help."
Slicking her hair subconsciously back, Franny inhaled a breath and gave a small nod. Since she knew her younger sister's coffee taste, she yelled over the beverage to Alex and then refocused her attention on the smaller brunette on the other side of the counter. The time nearing closer to nine, it wasn't unusual for there to be no one else waiting behind Lorna. She was grateful for that fact and while the coffee was being prepared, she took the time to question her sister.
"How much are ya walking or running places? You look real small, hon," Franny commented as she observed her sister's frame fully for the first time in weeks. She suddenly felt sick at how thin Lorna appeared before her. Sick that she hadn't even noticed until just then. Sick that their own father who'd been around her for months and not once took any steps to get her the proper help she so blatantly needed.
Chapter Text
Chapter Twenty-Four
Lorna rapidly sensed a lump molding into the pit of her stomach. She swallowed thickly as she peered across the counter at the older brunette. The words absorbed into her brain, and she let her eyes glance down at her own body, trying to see the smallness that Franny noted. But she saw nothing small about herself; there, looking intently at her body, all she saw was a slightly protruding gut that made her physically ill to look at.
"I just walk to and from school. It's not a big deal, and it's good exercise anyway. I am no smaller than anyone else, Fran," she muttered, a faint irritation coming out through her voice.
Briefly interjecting their conversation, Alex handed the finished coffee over to Franny to give to the customer. Her eyebrows instinctively arched over her eyes as she tried not to eavesdrop on the exchange between the sisters. She busied herself with wiping down the counters and machines while the morning rush died down.
Cupping her hands around the foam cup, Lorna graciously brought it up for a sip. She closed her eyes as she let the delectable flavor run over each of the tastebuds that made up her tongue. The flavor was bold with a mixture of warm and sweet. She inhaled slowly and then opened her eyes once more to stare back at her sister. Her sister who now looked at her with a constant worry soaking up those light blue eyes of hers.
"It is a big deal when you're walking to school in the middle of fucking winter," the taller brunette pointed out, a faded fury oozing from her voice. She exhaled deeply, trying to suppress her emotions—one since she was at work and two because the anger was more directed at their father then Lorna. Enraged that their own father could—clear as day—see that Lorna was slowly deteriorating each day and wasn't doing a damn thing to stop it.
Lorna bounced her shoulders up in a shrug. She didn't think her routine was anything out of the ordinary, she enjoyed her long walks to and from school. It was one of the only things that to seemed to bring her peace those days. And, in an odd way, she felt closer to her mother when she was walking outside. As though her mom was right there beside her, holding her hand and reassuring her that everything was okay again.
"Eh, I mean I can't drive yet and I hate the school bus so I don't mind walking. I don't understand why you're upset about it, Fran. It's fine."
"And ya mean to tell me dad isn't offering you a ride?"
The younger brunette focused her eyes downward. Her hands cradled possessively around her cup of coffee as she shifted her feet unnervingly. "He got mad at me the last time he took me to school because I opened the door before he parked. Besides he said walking is good for me anyway, I'm fat," she emphasized the latter, remembering his words quite vividly. And, deep down, she believed those words to be correct. She was, indeed, fat and needed to exercise as much as possible to shed it.
To hear that instantly reinforced the already boiling fury Franny experienced. She shook her head, biting down on her lip to hold in the anger as best she could. Yet, that proved to be quite the challenge—the mere thought of Mr. Morello's subtle encouraging of that kind of harmful behavior in Lorna made her want to slam and smash anything she could get her hands on. She refrained, however, and instead reached a hand over the counter to rest comfortingly atop Lorna's shoulder. "Dad's an asshole, hon. You're not even remotely fat. He can't even see clearly with all the damn alcohol he's busy drownin' himself in."
Trying to keep herself busy with the cleaning of the counters, Alex couldn't help but slightly widen her eyes at the topic of their conversation. She kept silent, though, it wasn't her place to interject. Nor her place to even be listening.
"And, anyway, it's a good thing you're meeting with that psychologist in a few weeks. Maybe she can help ya with this problem, too."
Lorna squinted her eyes, holding a hand out in her sister's face. "Can ya keep your voice down, Franny? And what problem? I'm fine. I don't need to see that shrink. Not like dad will take me anyway," she whispered in response, grabbing her coffee and sipping it once more.
Keep her voice down? The words echoed through her mind as she looked around the blatantly empty building. She looked firmly into her sister's eyes and felt a knot at the back of her throat. It was clear to her that Lorna wasn't fine and hadn't been in a long time. A sigh worked its way from her lungs. How she longed for her father to just allow the youngest Morello to move in with her. She didn't understand why he was so hell-bent on keeping her home when he obviously had no interest in properly caring for her.
"There ain't nobody here to hear anything, Lorn. But this just proves that you do need more help than I can give ya. I'll drive ya there myself if dad won't—you do need to go to therapy, you haven't been fine since before mom's death—"
Lorna slammed her hand loudly against the granite surface, roughly yanking herself from underneath the older woman's touch. Her eyes clutched a darkness in them as she glared across at her sister. "Mom's away on a business trip, and I am not going to therapy. You're not in charge of me—dad is and he knows therapy is a waste anyway!"
There was no time for Franny to say anything back as she watched her sister angrily take off down towards the entrance. Frustration rapidly grew, she moved a hand up to push back her hair and grumbled out a breath. Lorna was one of the most high-strung individual's she'd known and it drained her trying to figure out how to help her—when clearly, she didn't even want to be helped. She shook her head. Even if the teen hadn't want to be helped, Franny knew the best thing for her was the opposite of what she wanted.
Tossing the dirty cleaning wipe into the waste basket, Alex turned her attention her coworker. Though she had done her best not to pay much attention to the conversation the two sisters' were having, she couldn't stop herself from listening in on the part where Franny mentioned their mother's death. In the entire year the two had been coworkers there, neither really took the time to get to know each other. Not so much from lack of acknowledgement, but more so from opposing work schedules.
The look she had expressed on her face as she stared at her older coworker was one of empathy. All too well, she knew how much it hurt to lose a mother—she still suffered the grief and mourning of her own. It wouldn't ever go away, but it certainly eased up with time. She cautiously reached over to place a friendly hand atop Franny's. "You lost your mom?"
Franny had to stop herself from flinching at the sensation of a hand over hers. Aside from the sisterly affection she shared with Lorna, she wasn't used to anyone else ever offering her a comforting touch. Looking over at the younger adult, she noted the genuine sympathy that was displayed on her face and nodded her head slightly. "Yeah, she passed away a couple of months ago now. And Lorna—she's still refusing to admit that. I'm sure ya heard us talking, I just don't know what to do for her anymore. It goes in one ear and out the other," exasperation was strongly evident in her voice as well as on her face.
Giving a curt nod, Alex swallowed and felt a lump in her throat. She studied the brunette's features and could easily read the exhaustion that was radiating from her eyes and face. She was all too familiar with that feeling. Grief caused an infinite amount of fatigue. "I'm so sorry for your loss. It's a hard thing to go through, I know," she gently reassured her, giving a friendly squeeze to her hand before releasing it and going back to restock the receipt paper.
"You know? Did ya lose your mother too?"
Breath caught in her throat. Albeit it being well over a year since her passing, the subject was still very raw. She halted her task to return Franny's gaze. "A year ago. She had terminal breast cancer," her voice deadpanned; she wasn't big on allowing her emotions out while at work, no matter how painful the subject.
It was Franny's turn to return the comforting touch; she let a hand cover cautiously over the taller woman's, patting it soothingly. She hadn't realized just how much she and her coworker had in common until right then. Not something either one of them wanted as a commonality but nonetheless it seemed to build a mutual understanding between the two, a friendship even. "I'm real sorry, hon. Wouldn't wish grief on anyone. My mom had terminal cancer, too, of the liver."
Suddenly, a lightbulb went mentally went off in Alex's mind. Finally, she made sense of Lorna's behavior from the other night that she and Nicky had spent at her house. She understood, then, why the teen had ventured off that night and her heart sank slightly in her chest. The mentioning of her mother and the cancer and death; it clearly triggered Lorna, she pieced together with everything she now knew.
"Would ya mind if maybe I go check on your sister?"
The question surprised Franny but she gave a nod. Maybe it was better Alex went after her—obviously Lorna wouldn't listen to herself anymore. She hoped that somehow Alex would be able to break through to her sister because she knew if she kept down that path, nothing good would come of it. "Sure, maybe she might actually listen to you. Thanks."
The rain had slowed to a drizzle when Lorna exited the coffee shop. For which she was grateful, it was cold enough without the rain coming down. With no plan of where to walk to next, she settled for sitting on a bench that was a few feet down the street overlooking a small pond. She ran a hand through her hair and exhaled a breath. Today went from shit to even shittier faster than she could run from one side of the street to the next. Her eyes looked down into the water where a few brightly colored fish swam about. She shuttered at the wind that came through and wondered how the hell those fish weren't dead yet.
As she watched the fish in a somewhat tranquil silence, the sensation of a warm liquid running along her cheeks brought a shock over her. She reached her hands up to wipe at her skin, not realizing she had been crying. A sigh flowed out. Of course, on some level she knew her mother wasn't ever coming back—that she was dead. But another part of her still held onto hope that that was all only a nightmare. That she would one morning awaken and her world would be back to normal—Mrs. Morello alive and well and Mikey home, never to enlist in the army in the first place.
The weight of another person occupying space on the bench brought Lorna rapidly from her thoughts. She cautiously turned her head and arched her eyebrows puzzlingly when she noticed who sat beside her was none other than Alex Vause. Another intense breath escaped up from her lungs. She didn't mean to give her such a scowling gaze, but her face seemed to act on impulse.
Inhabiting the spot beside the teenager, Alex turned her head to quietly observe her. There was an evident front put up, but it wasn't hard for her to see through to the pain. Pain that was all too familiar to her. Empathy shaped on her face and she placed a cautious—yet comforting—hand over on top of Lorna's. It was as though there was a mutual understanding between the two, even without needing to verbally acknowledge it. Both had suffered a great loss and that was a type of hurt that never truly went away.
"It's never easy," the black-haired woman broke the silence at last. She averted her eyes towards the pond that Lorna was staring at and watched as the fish swam about. "You'd think the fish would all be dead by now from the freezing weather, huh?"
Though the comment was meant light-heartedly, Lorna couldn't stop her body from wincing at the word dead. Dead, god, just hearing it made her want to be sick. It wasn't a very reassuring word to hear, ever, she believed. She sighed and tried to understand why her sister's coworker decided to join her in watching the poor fish float around in a pond that was not much warmer than the air around them.
The silence wasn't uncomfortable, however, it caused an eyebrow to curve inquisitively as her eyes gradually moved away from the pond to look at the young girl a few inches over. She seemed so timorous as she sat looking over the fish, not budging even a centimeter. Alex swallowed uneasily, she wasn't sure what there was for her to say that could ever help Lorna. She still was trying to come to terms with her own mother's death. But it was apparent—from both Franny's and Lorna's mouths—that the teenager wasn't even able to acknowledge that their mom had even died.
"I know what it's like to go through what you're going through," Alex tried again, keeping her voice no louder than a mere whisper.
Lorna gulped. She cautiously turned her head from the pond, glancing back at the black-haired woman. Her head shook impulsively, she refused to admit that the two of them were in the same situation. Maybe Alex was okay with referring to her mother as having passed on, but Lorna certainly wasn't. Because that would mean there was no chance of ever being reunited with Mrs. Morello, at least not there on Earth, and that wasn't anything she could stomach.
"I'm not sure what you're talkin' about," she finally found her voice.
As much as Lorna had tried to keep any emotions from displaying—whether it be in her voice or on her face—Alex was able to pick up on it rather easily. She didn't know if it was because she too struggled in a similar fashion when losing her own mom a year prior or if it was that Lorna just hadn't realized the faint tears which had stained her nearly translucent cheeks. Whatever the case may have been, she reached a vigilant hand over to rest consolingly over one of her cheeks. A thumb she used to delicately wipe at the few tears that bestow upon the flesh.
"It took me a while, too, to finally accept that my mom had died," Alex started again, letting blue eyes stare empathetically into the younger girl's. The sorrow that hid on her face, she noticed it and felt her heart constrict. She had a lump form in the pit of her stomach. Losing a parent was something that a person probably would never fully recover from, she supposed; the grief and sadness lingered, but the pain eventually lessened. Seeing Lorna's eyes move away, focusing anywhere else, Alex wondered if her words were having any impact at all. Despite the wonder, she decided to elaborate further. "Losing her was, without a doubt, the hardest thing I've ever gone through. She was my best friend, my rock and she devoted her life to making sure I was happy. And then one day, she got sick. The doctors found cancer and she deteriorated so fast, I felt like I didn't have enough time to even comprehend the diagnoses. It wasn't more than a matter of months before my mom was in hospice. Not a pleasant thing to watch happen. I didn't want to admit that she was dying and I didn't, not until the doctors and nurses were making comments here and there about end of life care. That's when it finally clicked in me that I was really losing my mom."
By that point, Lorna's attention had solely been on her—the story she shared captivated her consideration—and as her brown eyes silently observed over the woman, it wasn't difficult to notice the tears that gradually leaked along her cheeks. Albeit feeling slightly apprehensive, compassion overpowered her and led her to placing a tender hand over one of Alex's and giving it a comforting squeeze. "I'm so sorry," she murmured, moving her thumb back and forth over the knuckles on her hand.
Alex used her free hand to slick back her hair. No matter how long it had been since her mother's passing, talking about it never got any easier. It always left her as raw and broken as it had the night she received that god-awful call from the hospice center. That was a night she would never forget, no matter how hard she tried or how much she wanted to. It would always be ingrained in her mind. Something that she was still slowly coming to terms with. But, as she looked at Lorna, she knew that girl wasn't even close to accepting her own mother's death. The fact that she wouldn't even acknowledge it proved that point even further. And that only broke her heart for the young teen. She would never wish the loss of a loved one on anyone, not even an enemy. It wasn't something that healed easily, she came to realize. Furthermore, for Lorna, healing would take even longer since it appeared that she wasn't even at the point where she could at least only disclose that her mother had died.
"Thank you," was her barely above a whisper response. Her eyes lingered on the brunette, observing her intently. She wanted to help her but wasn't sure anything she said would make a difference—the two of them were barely acquaintances, why should Lorna even consider listening to her? In spite of the contradicting thoughts, the empathy that she held for the younger girl outweighed it all. "Were ya close with your mom?"
Were? Lorna shuttered at the question—the were, she knew, implied that her mother was no longer there for she to be close with and she hadn't been about to play into that. She couldn't. The tiny bit of hope that she still tightly clutched was the only thing that kept her from falling apart. She swallowed hard; falling apart was something she refused to allow happen to herself. "Of course, me and my mom are close. Very close," she emphasized the are, making sure the other knew that she had mistaken by assuming they weren't still close.
"I get it. I still feel close to my mom even though she's gone. It's not easy to go through; believe me, kid, I know it's not."
"But the difference between you and me is that my mom isn't gone. She'll be back from her business trip soon enough," Lorna quickly interjected, not wanting to give the older woman a second more to assume that they were dealing with similar happenings when that clearly was not the case.
Dismay displayed on Alex's face. No wonder her coworker always appeared fatigued and stressed, watching her sister live in denial of their mother's Earthly departure had to be wearing on her. But it must have been even more exhausting for Lorna to go through, she mused. "Lorna, I think deep down ya know that's not true. I get where you're coming from, I do, but to keep denying the fact isn't going to make anything change. It won't bring her back, unfortunately."
It was seemingly growing harder for Lorna to suck in any air. Her gut felt like it was on fire; she shifted the position of her legs as if that would somehow ease it. She swallowed roughly, trying to keep herself from exposing any emotion. In her heart, she knew everything Alex was saying was only the truth—that continuing to believe in the delusion that her mother hadn't died would only increase the grief and pain she endured. Such knowledge just intensified the trouble she had taking in a breath at that moment.
Though the younger girl refused to take into consideration the two of them were suffering through similar circumstances, the closer Alex looked her over, the more agony and weariness her eyes took note of. Loathing to see anyone so blatantly dejected, she let a hand reach over once more to lay upon Lorna's shoulder. She gave a comforting squeeze to it and hoped that at least, mentally, she was having some sort of impression on her.
"Does Nicky know? Have ya talked to her about it at least?" Eyebrows arched questioningly over her blue eyes. She knew the two of them were merely inseparable, it would only make sense that Nicky would be the one person Lorna felt comfortable confiding in over such a traumatic event.
Lorna would have laughed at the comment had she not cared to look a fool. But she refrained and instead used a hand to uncomfortably run through her hair, something she found herself doing a lot more often. "Does Nicky know what? That my mom's on a business trip? Course' she does," she quickly informed the other.
"Your Franny's younger sister, aren't you?" Even though she knew the answer, Alex thought that might be the only way to make her see that the façade she was putting up had no logical reasoning behind it.
The brunette nodded with an eyebrow curved ponderously; she folded her arms defensively over her chest. "Yeah, so, what's that gotta do with anything? Ya already know that, anyway."
"I just—can ya help me make sense of this? If you and Franny are sisters, don't ya have the same mom?"
"Well, uh, yeah duh. Why would ya even ask that?" Lorna kept her arms over her chest, using her hand to massage at her temples as she tried to gage where such an interrogation was leading to. There was an ache lurking between them, one she hadn't even noticed until right then.
Nodding gradually, Alex knew her plan was working. She reached her free hand up to push at her glasses so that they fell back on the bridge of her nose. "Because Franny's said your mom passed away from cancer…and you're insisting she's on a business trip. It doesn't make sense, kid. I think you and I both know which explanation is true, yeah? You're just not at a place where you can admit it, huh? I can relate to that, believe me."
Lorna sensed tears line the bottom of her eyelids but she held them back. She turned her head, in case the tears came anyway, looking down the street and watching as people strolled along the sidewalk, rain puddles sloshing about beneath their shoes. A lump was easily felt in her abdomen—a sensation that might as well have been entrenched in her brain by then. "I—the nurse, she never—I-I," the words refused to come out, she swallowed hard.
"She, she told me—I remember the nurse…I-I remember she said my mom was gone. Gone. Not dead. Gone," she mumbled, her voice barely louder than a whisper. Her eyes stayed focused on the hustle and bustle of the sidewalk. She never realized how busy the town seemed to get in the mornings.
It seemed like she finally had gotten through to the teenager, at least slightly. To hear her admit that the story of her mother's business trip hadn't been real was a step in the right direction, she believed. The shakiness in her voice, however, formed a twinge in her chest. She gently wrapped a comforting arm around Lorna's shoulder, naturally pulling her a little bit closer. "Yeah? Is that part of the reason you're uncomfortable saying she died? I know it's not an easy thing to do, kid. It really isn't," her voice was soft and warm as her eyes gazed down at her in compassion.
Chapter Text
Chapter Twenty-Five
The petite Italian lifted her shoulders in a shrug. "The nurse—she never said my mom died," she stated, looking straight ahead into the abyss. Rain drops had finally drizzled away and replacing them were flurries of snowflakes. She watched the flakes fall down against the cement, quickly disintegrating upon each landing. An involuntary breath of air released from her lungs. She hoped that this wasn't a preview of what sessions with the psychologist were going to be like. Just thinking about everything that happened was draining enough, she couldn't imagine how much more so it would be having to go through with the therapy she was recommended.
Alex allowed the arm that had been wrapped around the other's shoulder to momentarily pull her closer for a soothing embrace. She didn't say anything, only brushed a hand kindly through her brown waves while looking over her head back at the pond. The fish seemed to have hidden beneath rocks or something, she noted, as her eyes couldn't see them swimming afloat like they were earlier. She swallowed, feeling a rawness in her throat that she knew hadn't been there a few minutes ago. There was a noticeable pang in her chest, as well, that just recently started. Maybe it was the sympathy she felt for Lorna or maybe the agony she still suffered from losing her own mother. Either way, however, she kept her hold on the younger girl and exhaled deeply.
A breeze of wind whirled through, bringing with it a whiteout of snowflakes. The wind also caused a visible shiver out of Lorna and that only encouraged Alex to pull her closer, hoping the encirclement would bring a warmth to her. She felt a bond with the brunette—although that wasn't their first encounter, something about the two of them discussing openly of their mothers' passing's seemed to form a deeper connection between them, she imagined. Alex suddenly felt the urge to protect and help Lorna through all of the grief. Because she knew exactly how emotionally and physically draining it was to endure, and that wasn't anything a person should suffer with alone.
Surprised to be sitting in the waiting room of the psychologist's outpatient facility would be an accurate statement in Lorna's head. It had been two weeks since the first encounter they shared in the emergency room after the whole alleged 'suicide' attempt incident. There was a coolness that loomed in the air of the room—a sterile aura, really, and that mechanically caused a shudder out of Lorna. She easily noted that she was the only one in the waiting area, other than Franny who sat in the chair beside her as she mindlessly flipped through a magazine. Focusing her attention back on herself, she reached for the water bottle she brought along and sipped it without a thought.
The wait abruptly ended a short few moments after. Doctor Washington came through from a door on the other side of the check-in window, a bright smile on her face—one that was most-likely meant to be comforting, however, Lorna found it repulsive. There was nothing about needing to see a shrink that seemed to coincide with a smile, she interpreted. Regardless, she reluctantly pushed herself up from the chair and followed the superficially optimistic therapist back through the door she came from and down a narrow hallway until they entered into her office.
Dr. Washington motioned with a hand for Lorna to have a seat on the sofa parallel to her desk before situating herself in her fancy leather office chair. She situated herself so that one leg crossed over the other and then turned to peer over at her young client. The smile still molded to her face. "Would ya like more water before we start? I also have some teas if you'd like that better."
Lorna suppressed rolling her eyes; she knew the psychologist meant well, deep down. Yet, she wanted nothing more than to walk the hell back out of that goddamned building. A frustrated breath of air ejected from her windpipe. She didn't think there was a point to meeting with this shrink—surely, Lorna Morello didn't need a damn shrink. No, no she was just fine. Absolutely, perfectly, fine. No amount of water or tea would make any of this easier, she silently thought.
Lack of a response brought a slight frown to the psychologist's face. However, she reached into a drawer on her desk and grabbed a handful of tea packets anyway and laid them out on the faux wood surface. "I think I'll have a cup of tea, it's so cold outside today. Perfect tea weather with all the snow," she specified, picking out a packet of the teas she had out on the desk. Her eyes averted over to the teenager who sat slumped on the sofa, while the tea steeped, and studied her features as she so often did with each one of her patients.
"Would you like to try some peppermint tea maybe? That's what I chose for myself, it pairs well with this wintry season."
The inquiries, albeit light-hearted in nature, already exhausted the brunette more than she thought possible. She reached a hand up to scratch at her temple. The beginnings of an ache forming made everything even worse, even more exaggerated. "I would like to go the hell home, honestly," she bitterly responded. Quickly, guilt overtook her and she sighed in irritation. She hadn't meant to come off as rude, but it angered her that she was forced to be there. She wasn't supposed to be in that fucking office; she loathed Franny for dragging her there more than anything. What the hell was the damn shrink going to do for her? Nothing.
Easily, the therapist picked up on the resentment in her client's body language and looked at her with a compassionate mien. She grabbed another cup—from the stack she kept on the shelf underneath her desk—and poured hot water into it using her previously heated tea kettle. "How about I make you a cup and if you want, drink it and if not, you can just leave it. But I can see you're getting agitated so maybe a little tea will do ya a little good."
Lorna meekly welcomed the cup in her hands, setting it down on a coaster on the small coffee table positioned between the couch and desk as if a barrier. "I just don't think this is for me," she muttered; her eyes stared down at the green-tinted liquid in her cup.
"What? Therapy?" The therapist asked and her client nodded. "Why do you think that, Lorna?"
Shrugging, Lorna picked up her tea for a distracting sip. Therapy, she deemed, was for crazy people. And she, herself, was in no way a crazy person. Nor did she have any problems; no, of course not. Everything in her life was absolutely okay—there was nothing about her or her life that she thought warranted the need for therapy. "I don't need therapy, that's why. I am not crazy and I have nothing that needs talked about so this is pointless."
Anger was blatantly obvious in her tone and facial features, Doctor Washington observed. She sipped her tea cautiously, gazing the young teen over methodically. The passion she had for her work—her clients—made her yearn to help and reach them all even stronger. Her lips pursed together as if to bring moisture over them. "You're not crazy, no one in this room thinks that of you. But you don't have to be crazy to need therapy, either, Lorna. Now, I know you don't want to admit anything but we both know there was a specific incident that led you here, yes? I think it's good we start talking about that," her voice softly said.
"Nothing happened. I don't know what incident you're referring to."
"You know that's not true. You don't have to lie here, Lorna," the dark-skinned therapist gently informed her client. "This is a safe place right here, I promise. Nothing you say here will be judged or remarked on in an unhelpful manner. So, please, I need you to be open with me. In order for me to help you properly, we have to be able to talk about tough things."
Despite the authentic vibes that emanated from the words she spoke, an unrelenting exasperation loomed over Lorna. There were tears beneath the lids of her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She had a sudden urge to slam her hands against something and so she did, against the coffee table. "I don't want to talk or even be here," she screeched out, reaching her hands up to cup around her cheeks.
Watching the agony that seemed to be overwhelming Lorna nearly broke Doctor Washington's heart. Comfort was something she yearned to give her, so, she settled for looking into her eyes with an intense expression of empathy on her face. "I know you don't. Sometimes we all have to do things we don't want to do, but that we need to. You may feel you don't need therapy, but that doesn't mean that's true. You're angry, I can see that, and I'm sorry."
"I'm more than fucking angry, I'm infuriated," Lorna yelled, looking bewildered as she let an angry hand slick back her hair.
"What about?" Dr. Washington genuinely wondered, keeping her voice soft as if to somehow soothe away the rage that seemed to then take over the atmosphere in her office. She could tell the longer the girl sat there, the more worked up she got. A hand she gestured towards the cup in front of her. "Why don't you have a sip of your tea, yeah? Peppermint has a natural calming effect."
Resistively, Lorna snatched her teacup from the coffee table and brought it vengefully to her lips for a spiteful sip. The anger was all-encompassing. She felt like it was the only thing she could grasp onto at that moment. "Everything. I just—I, this is too fucking much, I can't even think. I want to scream."
"Go ahead and scream," the psychologist instructed, smiling sadly at her. She was just grateful the girl listened and had a drink of her tea like she had gently encouraged. That might be the only thing that could possibly bring some sort of consolation to her.
Arching both of her eyebrows, the brunette looked at her with wide eyes. Arms were defensively folded over her chest as she watched her wearily.
Frowning slightly, Doctor Washington nodded her head. "I mean it. Go ahead and scream. You're allowed to. It might help you feel better, even."
"I am real fucking frustrated and-and I hate everything you say because it makes me even more fucking frustrated. I can't take it anymore, I can't fucking take any of this anymore," Lorna shouted, her voice progressively growing both louder and angrier with each word that spewed out of her mouth. She stood up from the sofa, slamming her hands once more at the surface of the coffee table and then falling aggressively back against the cushion of the couch. Rageful tears lined her eyes and despite her attempts to hold them in, they came falling along her flushed cheeks without warning.
"You're allowed to feel frustrated and upset, Lorna. You need to feel your emotions like this because if you don't, then it's very possible another incident like the one that happened at school could happen again. It's okay to cry, honey, you don't have to hold in your tears—especially not in here, please, I encourage all of my clients to cry when they feel the need to. Crying is healthy. It's natural and a normal thing that we humans do. Society makes us think that crying is weak but it's not, not even close."
Lorna shook her head, even angrier than before. "I am not fucking suicidal. That's the only stupid reason I'm forced to this stupid therapy is because everyone thinks I want to kill myself when I don't. I did not drown myself in the toilet," her voice yelled so piercingly loud that she was sure even people halfway across the world could hear her.
Taking in a deep breath, the therapist finished off her tea and placed the cup in the trash bin that was sitting to the right of her desk. As she turned her focus back on the young client across from her, she reached for her reading glasses from their case in the pockets of her slacks and used her thumb to push them up over her nose. "Do you want to tell me what actually happened that day then? Are you better equipped to discuss that now?"
Her eyes closed for a few seconds; she suddenly felt a calming wave course through her body. The tea in her cup was half gone and she wondered if it really did have a soothing attribute. "There, there's just some girl who likes to pick on me is all," she shyly acknowledged, allowing her brown irises to gaze down at the suede material of the couch she was occupying.
"And this girl who likes to pick on you, is she the reason people are thinking you're suicidal?"
There was a rawness in her throat, the brunette noticed, a sensation she didn't quite understand since she'd polished off a half cup of peppermint tea. She pondered for a moment if the rawness was from all the emotions and feelings she'd been holding back for she couldn't even remember how long or if it was just that the tea wasn't quite as hydrating as plain water. Either way, she let out a huff of air and refocused her attention on the other. The closer she studied her, the more she realized that the woman was only being genuine.
"Yes, she—she's the one who told everyone in the school that I was trying to drown myself in the damn toilet in the girl's room. And they all fucking believe her. Even Red, the school nurse, even she believes it," Lorna felt it all come blurting out of her.
Doctor Washington kept a close observation on Lorna's face, watching for signs of divergent emotions or anguish to display on it. Though it may have been oblivious to the teen, she quickly took note of the tremoring in her legs as she recounted some of the incident. "Well, how about you start at the beginning? What really happened? Was there even an incident or did this girl make it all up?"
The multiple questions were enough, on their own, to elicit a throbbing headache between her temples. Having to respond to them, on the other hand, provoked a constrictive sensation in her chest. She wasn't sure how much she felt willing to share; she certainly didn't plan to mention anything about the reason she had gone to the bathroom in the first place that particular morning. "I just…I went to the girl's room before my first class and, uh-erm-um Annalisa—she's the one who likes to pick on me—followed me into one a the stalls and she just, she-she, um, she kinda pushed me and held my head in the toilet water for a real long time."
To hear the true revelation of what occurred on that day, it proved to be a challenge for the professional darker-skinned woman to keep her own feelings and emotions at bay. However, she allowed herself to take in a deep breath to equal out all that was stirring up. "So this girl who told everyone you were the one to attempt a suicide was really the one who held you down in it?" A mixture of anger and compassion appeared to be brewing within her. She knew it wasn't her place to make any judgements on anyone else but to hear what factually took place, it had angered her.
Lorna uneasily fidgeted in her seat. She averted her eyes back on her lap. "Yes," she answered along with a meek nod of her head.
"I'm so sorry, Lorna. That's such an awful thing, I am stunned to hear something so cruel happened to you. Did you talk with the principal about it? Or any teachers, maybe?"
The brunette casually shrugged her shoulders, the mental wall seemingly building back up. Emotionally and physically exhausted she felt all of a sudden. "No, and I don't plan to. It wouldn't help anyway, it would make everything worse so I don't care. I can manage, I have so far." She lifted a hand to cup around her own cheek, squeezing it out of mental fatigue. All she wanted was for this to be over so she could finally get the hell out of there.
Doctor Washington watched her closely and jotted something down on a piece of sticky-paper that sat on her desk. "I used to work at your high school, a couple of years ago, as a counselor so I know Mrs. Mendoza very well. I'll be getting in contact with her to discuss further assistance that she can provide you with there," she informed the girl in a matter-of-fact tone so that there was no room for arguments.
Grabbing one of her appointment cards, she set it on the surface in front of her to write down the date and time for their next session. When she finished, she gently reached over and handed it to Lorna. "I'm really proud of you for being so open with me today, I know it's really hard for you. We'll meet for another session in a few weeks and in the meantime, I would like for you to meet with Mrs. Mendoza at the school for an hour every other day."
There was an eerie silence that boomed through the car as the two sister's sat quietly in the front two seats. Lorna had her head resting against the rim of the window on the passenger's side while Franny focused her attention on the road in front of her through the windshield. Neither spoke for several passing moments. Not until an unexpected sniffle forced its way from the younger brunette's throat did either girl finally acknowledge their presences. Lorna reached her hands up to touch her cheeks, surprised at the tears that covered over her fingers.
The sound quickly captivated Franny's attention, she turned her head slightly to look her sister over in concern. She couldn't remember the last time she'd seen or heard the girl cry. Her brows furrowed worriedly atop her eyes. "How was therapy, hon?" By the looks of it, though, she figured it couldn't have gone well. She reached a hand over to warmly cover over Lorna's, using her thumb to delicately caress around each knuckle.
Lorna swallowed a bundle of saliva and gradually lifted her head from the window to return her sister's gaze. It didn't take a rocket scientist to make out the worried aura that oozed from her face. She felt her heart heavy and averted her eyes downward. "I mean I guess it coulda been worse. I just—I don't like to talk about things, it makes me feel things and I don't want that," she hesitantly answered, watching as her feet kept switching positions.
"Huh, ya don't like to talk about or feel things? Very descriptive and such a shocker," Franny couldn't help but let a light chuckle out at the teen's vivid explanation. Regardless, she squeezed the hand she held while focusing her eyes in front of her as she made a left turn. "But hey, I'm glad to hear ya say that it could have been worse—that means you found some benefit, right?"
"I'm real drained, Fran. She said she wants me to meet with the school counselor every other day and I think that's kinda dumb."
Despite her sister's resistance at the suggestion, Franny was relieved to hear that. She knew Lorna needed more guidance and it was obvious she couldn't provide that for her and their father was as about as useful as a damn rusted doornail. The apprehension on her sister's face, however, formed an ache in her chest; she gave the hand she held another soothing squeeze. "I think that's a real smart idea, hon. You need more help than you're willing to admit. It'll be good for ya."
Lorna plopped herself on the bed in the spare room of her sister's apartment. It was decided before she'd even been taken to her therapy appointment earlier that she would be spending the night at Franny's place; a decision she was beyond grateful for, anything to have time away from Mr. Morello. His behavior only seemed to worsen the more she was at home with him. She felt utter relief to be sleeping over her older sister's house on a school night. If only she could stay there permanently, she thought.
As she situated herself on her stomach, she pulled out her phone and scrolled through until her fingers landed on Nicky's number. Without any hesitation, she clicked the call button and put it up to her ear. It didn't take more than a few rings when she heard the line pick-up. There was noticeable background noise; her eyebrows arched as she tried to make out what it was. Faint sounds of music blaring and voices muffled.
"Hi, hon. I'm sorry did I call at a bad time?"
Nicky tried to find a secluded area in the house of a party she'd been attending. She cradled the phone against hear, using her other hand to cup around it so that she could hear more clearly. "No, no, course' not. I'm just at a party—ya know that girl Boo I told ya about from the school I briefly went to? She invited me to this before I moved back here so I just decided to drop by for a bit."
Boo, the name repeated in her head. A rush of concern seemed to fall over her, then. That was the girl who also gave Nicky heroin, she remembered. "Ain't she the one who gave ya that heroin, Nicky? Ya think being at that party is smart?"
It wasn't hard for Nicky to hear the slight trepidation in her girlfriend's voice and immediately that caused a pang to sit in her chest. "Hey, it's okay, ya know I promised you I wouldn't do anymore of it. I mean that, kid. Please don't worry, yeah?" Soon, her secluded spot filled with a few teens and she rolled her eyes in irritation. She did her best to keep her focus on the phone conversation but all the noise was clouding her mind.
"Okay, hon, I trust you. Just please be careful. I'll, uh, let ya go, yeah? I'm sorry for intruding—forgot you had mentioned the party," Lorna muttered, though sincerity poured from her voice. She hoped she was right to trust Nicky—the last thing she wanted was for the girl she loved to find her way back to that nasty heroin.
Nicky heard the faint consternation in the other's voice and shook her head. She moved to a quieter corner of the room she was in, pushing the phone even closer to her ear. "No, no. You called for a reason, yeah? What's wrong, babe?"
"No reason; all's good, hon. I was just…erm, I had my first appointment with that psychologist today and I was so busy with that that I forgot you were stoppin' at that party tonight. I'll just talk ya later, okay?"
Psychologist appointment? The recollection of their earlier conversation in school that morning finally came back to her and she mentally facepalmed herself. Irritation with herself for forgetting set in and she rolled her head briefly around her shoulders. "Aw, kid, I'm sorry," she murmured softly on the other line, her eyes tender as they focused straight ahead at a rather large sculpture that took up the entire wall. "No, how about you come on down here? Boo won't notice anyway and even if she does, she won't care."
Parties were never something Lorna had an interest in—not just because her dad wouldn't allow her to be caught alive at one but also, the thought of being in an environment that was full of people she probably didn't know and the loudness, it made a shiver run down her spine. However, if it meant time being spent with Nicky, she could sacrifice her discomfort for an evening. Besides, she thought, maybe a night out would keep her from fretting too much over the therapy session.
"I mean is it within walking distance from my sista's place? I can't have her know I'm going to a party or nothin', she might not like that."
"Absolutely not, Lorna. You're not walking here—it's too far and even if it was nearby, there's no way I'd be okay with ya walkin'. I'll shoot Alex a text and have her pick ya up, yeah?"
Lorna nodded as she jumped up from her bed and looked around the drawers of the dresser for a decent outfit to wear. Since she'd been spending more and more nights with her older sister, she deemed it a smart decision to leave some of her clothes there in the spare bedroom for nights like that one. A smile formed on her face, she felt a faint rush of excitement to kind of be sneaking out on a school night to attend a party with her girlfriend and friend.
Chapter Text
Chapter Twenty-Six
As Lorna and Alex approached the front door of the house that Nicky had given them the address for, the sound of music could already be heard through the many open windows that surrounded them. Lorna swallowed her nerves, grabbing the handle of the door and cautiously pulling it open. She felt her legs wobble a bit as she followed behind the taller woman inside the building. Shutting the door behind her, her eyes searched around and widened at just how many people there were crowded in one space.
She gladly allowed Alex to lead the way through and cringed at how some of the girls grinded up against the boys. It made her reach a hand up to cover over her eyes until she walked right into the black-haired woman's back, making her realize she had stopped moving. She finally removed the hand from her face and felt a strong bout of relief to find Nicky standing right in front of them—an obviously amused expression etched on her face.
A warm smirk molded on the redhead's face at her girlfriend's actions. She lifted a hand to gently place on one of her porcelain cheeks. "You okay, kid?" Though a chuckle escaped her, she let her index finger softly curl a strand of brown hair behind her ear.
Despite being in a room full of mostly strangers, the tender sensation of her girlfriend's tucking a loose piece of hair behind her ear rapidly brought a warm, fuzzy, tingle through each of Lorna's veins. A pleasant exhale of breath forced its way up out of her throat. "Yeah, just—uh, lots of naughty things I noticed with some girls and boys in the other room. I'm not big into parties like this, really."
Nicky let out another chuckle, letting her hands softly cup around the brunette's cheeks. Their eyes met and an affectionate smile molded on her face. "Huh, yeah, those filthy hetero teenagers being all sickly with each other," she joked, brushing a thumb delicately across Lorna's forehead. "My little naïve, sweet Lorna. I woulda never guessed you weren't a party person."
Lorna looked at her with wide eyes. "Really? What—do I look like a partier or somethin'?"
"I was messin' with ya, kid. I'm not at all surprised that you wouldn't be into parties; you're too—"
"Too what, huh? Too much of a goody-two-shoes?" She had no idea where the bout of anger had come from and rather quickly regretted the slight outburst she just displayed in front of her own girlfriend. "I'm sorry, hon. I didn't mean to be so mean, don't know what came over me."
Instantly, Nicky's playful manner turned serious and her arms wrapped protectively around the smaller girl. Brown eyes gazed down at her, an intense wave of affection oozing from within them. She took a moment to observe the brunette over and for the first time saw the obvious dark circles that rested underneath her eyes. The sight made her heart clench. She placed a thumb below the lid of her eye, tenderly stroking the flesh beneath it. "Have ya slept at all in the past few days? You look like ya haven't in weeks, doll."
A lump was felt at the bottom of her throat, however, the soothing touch that Nicky's arms provided her with trumped all else. "Course' I have, hon. I just always have bags under my eyes, my dad says it's from all the caffeine I consume. I don't know, but I'll never give up coffee," she told her, shrugging her shoulders.
Not entirely convinced, Nicky only tightened her warm arms around her girlfriend's waist. She brushed her lips delicately over the flesh of her forehead. "Hmm, is that right? I never heard a caffeine causing eye bags but maybe that's a real thing. Nah, you don't have to give up coffee but maybe try cutting down how many cups, yeah?"
The party died down slightly while the two teens and Alex sat chatting on one of the couches in the living room. Other nearby conversations and blaring music still boomed through, however, at that point Lorna was easily able to tune it out and keep her focus on the two people she was sitting with. A rush of adrenaline pumped through her veins; she felt giddy to be at that party on a weekday evening. She smiled, looking back and forth from Nicky to Alex.
"So, like, what do ya do at these kinda things?" An inquisitive eyebrow curved up.
The older of the three girls, held up a hand and moved a few cushions down on the sofa. "Don't ask me, I haven't been to a party in years. Don't know what you teens are into these days." A small chuckle escaped her as she watched the changing facial expressions on her two friends.
Nicky easily allowed a smirk to take shape on her face, nonchalantly outstretching an arm to wrap around her girlfriend's shoulder. Her eyes peered across at Alex, chuckling at the comment she just made. "Ya really don't go to parties anymore? That's hard to believe, Vause. I bet ya I know what you'd do at them when ya went."
Arms folded over her chest, the black-haired woman looked at her with an amused mien fixed on her face. "Yeah, and what is it ya think I did at parties?"
"Smoked weed and had sex with all the hot women, am I right?" Nicky chuckled, waggling a playful eyebrow.
Alex threw up her shoulders in a shrug with her own light-hearted snicker. "Well, you're not entirely wrong. But those days are far behind me now. The only reason I came to this party was because Lorna needed a ride."
Uneasily sitting beside Nicky, the youngest and shortest of the three focused her gaze on the floor beneath her feet and took in a sharp breath. She didn't know why the topic made her feel so uncomfortable, maybe it was from her upbringing or maybe she was truly just a complete prude. Or the fact that she had been lying to her sister about her whereabouts was coming to taunt her, she thought. Whatever the motive, she placed her hands on her thighs to keep them steady. It was just a stupid party, she told herself, there was no reason for her to get so bothered by harmless chit-chat.
Her eyes finally glanced back up at Nicky and she pursed her lips into a smile. "So, is that what ya do at parties like this? Ya just smoke weed and do promiscuous activities?"
To hear that come out of her girlfriend's normally innocent mouth, Nicky almost choked on her own saliva. She held back a laugh at her comment and allowed her lips to press against the flesh of her forehead. "Promiscuous activities, huh? I didn't know ya had such an eloquent vocabulary, kid. Are ya hinting at wanting to take part in some promiscuous activities together?" She gave a playful wink to the brunette before cupping her hands lovingly around her cheeks and smashing their lips hotly together.
All train of thought dissipated the second their lips collided together. Lorna momentarily shut her eyes, relishing in the soft and tender sensation of Nicky's angelic lips pressed against her own. It felt like a dream—a warm, tender dream that she never wanted to end. Her arms instinctively wrapped around her girlfriend's neck as she gradually deepened the kiss, not caring that she needed to breathe. She'd rather spend an eternity kissing Nicky.
Watching the two with widened eyes, Alex secretly hadn't been shocked at all to know her two friends were into each other like that. She had an inkling early on that the pair of them would eventually become romantic with one another. However, she decided on quite loudly clearing her throat to pull their attention away before the kiss turned into anything more—she figured they wouldn't want an audience if that were to happen.
With two sets of eyes on her, the black-haired woman peered back with an intrigued eyebrow curved upwards. "So, when did the two of ya become a thing?"
Lorna and Nicky shared a loving gaze before returning their attention on the highly curious Alex sitting on the other side of the sofa. A warm laugh poured out of Nicky as she snaked an arm around her girlfriend's waist and looked at their friend, "A few weeks ago. After we scarred Lorna's little nephew for life with our little make-out session." The memory only made her laugh once more.
"What, were ya two making out in the living room or something? I guess that's no surprise since ya were just kissing freely out in the open here," Alex questioned, yet, a spirited snicker sounded through her windpipe.
"Course' not," Lorna quickly interjected, feeling her cheeks flush a bright pink. "We were in the guest room…and I forgot to close the door like the idiot I am."
The comment may have gone unnoticed by anyone else but Nicky felt her chest slightly constrict at the sound of her girlfriend's degrading herself like that, regardless of it wasn't meant that way. She leaned her head against Lorna's and brushed a soft kiss over the flesh of her cheek. "You are not an idiot, not even close. Please don't insult yourself, my sweet Lorna." The words were tenderly murmured against the younger teen's ear so that only she could hear them.
"How old's your sister's kid, anyway?" Alex inquired, hoping to lighten the mood once more.
"He's three—he probably don't even know what he saw," Lorna replied with a shrug. The image of her sister's face when she came bustling in the room that day immediately brought a faint bout of giggles out of her. "Honestly, we mighta scarred Franny more than my nephew. Shoulda been there to see the look on her face when she walked in on us." She felt a few more chuckles work their way up and out of her.
Confused lines creased on the adult woman's face. She quietly wondered if that meant Franny might have been—her head shook at the thought, she couldn't imagine her coworker to have a problem with anything like that but decided to voice her concerns for confirmation, anyway. "Is your sister—"
Lorna instantly interrupted with a vicious wave of her hand. "Franny is not homophobic, if that's what you're askin'. She's the one real good person in my family so please don't make bad assumptions of her."
Alex nodded slowly, quickly regretting her decision to question her in the first place. It was an awful idea, she realized, and felt a slight guilt rise up inside of her. She sighed, looking the youngest teen over with a shame faintly seeping from her blue irises. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything, I just wasn't sure—not everyone is okay with these things but yeah, you're right I, uh, shouldn't of made such an assumption."
Sitting silently with her arm still wrapped rather protectively around her girlfriend's waist, Nicky arched her eyebrows as she tried to decipher the comment that Lorna had just made. There had to be some deeper meaning to it, she believed, and it bothered her that she didn't exactly know what that could be. Her eyes were soft as they gazed down into Lorna's, however, she refrained from saying anything more on the matter—she'd save that for when they weren't at a raving party.
"Okay enough boring talk—we gonna smoke weed or what?"
Both girls looked at her with wide eyes, shock respectively displayed on each of their faces. Neither one would ever have expected such a question to come from Lorna's mouth. Nicky chuckled and wrapped her arms even snugger around her while Alex just sat there with a stunned mien. "Ya really wanna smoke weed, kid? That doesn't seem like your type a thing," she asked, albeit the chuckle, her voice held apprehension at the idea of letting Lorna dabble into smoking. She knew smoking was only a gateway into even more intense drugs and the last thing she was going to do was to encourage her sweet, doe-eyed girlfriend to take part in such a dangerous behavior.
Lorna felt a bit of frustration at the assumption her girlfriend made. She narrowed her eyes slightly. "What, ya think I'm just some immature little kid who wouldn't even consider using weed? Or maybe ya think I don't even know what weed is, huh? Well, I'll prove you wrong. Where do we get the weed from?"
"Hey, hey," Nicky called out, putting a hand up in front of the other's face. She peered intensely into her eyes, trying to read what she was mentally experiencing at that moment. Her heart ached to think that Lorna had it ingrained in her mind that she would even deliberate such beliefs about her. "I do not think you're an immature kid who has no idea what weed is—I just, you just don't seem like someone who would seriously consider smoking any, that's all. Lorna, you don't need to prove anything to me. Do ya really wanna try weed or do ya honestly think ya have to prove yourself to me?"
"I wanna try it, Nicky. It's not like weed is a real bad drug, right?" The brunette pleaded, her eyes peering widely at her girlfriend's. She didn't know where her interest in wanting to take a stab at weed stemmed from, but she felt like it was a necessity that she do so at that party tonight.
"Technically, to be accurate," Alex chimed in, "weed is more so an herb than a drug. But if you're not careful with how much of it ya inhale, the high it gives can be a little dangerous."
Though the comment was meant to be helpful, Nicky turned her head to give a slight glare towards Alex. Of course what she had said was only the truth, but she hadn't been okay with it encouraging her girlfriend to dip her feet into the world of smoking—because she knew that could easily lead to actual drugs and she'd be damned if she willy-nilly allowed Lorna down such a slippery slope. It was a slope that she, herself, was still trying to not fall down.
"Fine," Nicky huffed out, letting a hand rub at her temples. "I'll see if I can scrounge up a little weed, okay? But I'm not letting ya smoke a whole lot of it, kid."
The brunette watched closely as her girlfriend released her arm from her body and pushed herself up from the couch to walk across the living room where a heavy-set, short-statured, woman with short black-hair stood. Her eyes averted slightly over to the right of where the two of them were—seeing a plastic table with food laid out on it—and noticed another girl, taller and slender with long dark curls cascading down her back, seemingly making googly eyes at Nicky while she placed a heaping pile of tater-tots onto the foam plate in her hands. Immediately, she felt a darkness come over her.
Lorna turned to glance at Alex and motioned for her to look where her hand was pointed. "Ya see that, Alex? That tater-tot girl is checking Nicky out. Can ya believe that?"
Following with her eyes towards what the other was gesturing towards, Alex squinted them while observing the girl attentively. "Eh, ya don't have anything to worry about. Nicky loves you, Lorna. That girl ain't gonna change that."
"Yeah, right—how do ya know that tater-tot lover won't just try to flirt with Nicky and woo her or somethin'?" A scowl molded onto the younger girl's face as she folded her arms distastefully over her chest. There was a blatant lump sitting in the pit of her stomach at the sickening thought. She wished she could shut her mind off at times like that one.
"Ya gotta trust Nicky. Do ya think Nicky would ever do something like that to ya?" The black-haired woman inquired, peering at her with a small amount of concern.
Taking in a breath, Lorna slowly shook her head. "Course' I trust her, Nicky's the sweetest person I know."
Nodding agreeably, Alex placed a comforting hand onto her friend's and gave it soft squeeze. "Good, then you don't need to stress over it. Do ya think smoking weed right now is even a good idea? You're this paranoid about this random girl checking Nicky out, how much more paranoid do ya think the weed is gonna make ya?"
A deep sigh tumbled up from her throat. Her eyes lingered on that random girl who's eyes never once faltered from Nicky's frame. It shouldn't bother her, she knew, because Nicky was her girlfriend and would never do anything to hurt her. But as she continued to study every little part of the tater-tot lover's body, the more she realized how much more attractive that slender teen was than herself. She was taller, thinner, and just all around prettier, Lorna thought. She swallowed thickly, averting her eyes down at herself and sighing at the protruding gut she had. It wouldn't be a shock if Nicky eventually chose to move onto some like tater-tot, she believed. Hell, she wouldn't even blame her if she had.
"I think doing weed is an even better idea now," was all that Lorna settled on responding with. Maybe the effects of the herb would stop her mind from fretting so much over such petty things, she pondered.
Nicky gladly took the Ziploc bag of cannabis from Boo, placing it in her pocket. Before she could turn her attention away, she noticed the older teen reaching for another baggie in her pocket and immediately felt the color from her face draining at a rapid speed. Without it even needing to be said, she already had a sense that what was possessed in her hands was more heroin. A sigh escaped her. She'd have to turn it down, she knew, she promised Lorna she wouldn't do anymore of it.
"I got more heroin if ya want any a that too?" Boo dangled it out in front of her, arched eyebrows over both of her blue eyes.
Albeit the deep desire that sat on her heart, Nicky reluctantly shook her head at the offer. The very tempting offer that had she not made a promise to her girlfriend she would have easily given in to it. "Nah, I'm good. Thanks, Boo. I'll let ya know if I ever need any more a that, though," she informed the other, even though she knew the chances of her asking for more were slim.
She turned away, ready to walk back the couch where her girlfriend and friend were sitting. However, her task was interrupted by an unfamiliar girl standing in front of her and lightly poking her on the shoulder. Curving an eyebrow upwards, she looked her over with a puzzled mien. "Yeah, ya need somethin'?"
The taller girl smiled brightly while allowing her brown eyes to gaze fiercely into Nicky's. "Just been watchin' ya for a bit and wanted to say I think you're," she leaned down so that her mouth was resting a mere inches away from her ear, "so sexy. I think you were in a couple of my classes but haven't seen you at school lately. Hmm, what's your name?"
Nicky quickly pulled herself out of the girl's grasp and stared at her, stunned at her actions. "Yeah, uh, appreciate the compliment but I'm happily in a relationship. You don't need to know my name—I won't be back at that school."
Jotting something on a ripped up piece of paper, the brunette girl placed it in the pocket of Nicky's skorts. She threw her a frisky wink, mentally ignoring the comment about her having already been in a relationship. "That's a shame. When things go south, text me. My number is in your pocket," she nearly purred, letting her hand rub against her behind as she gradually walked the other direction.
Shuttering from the uncomfortable experience she just lived through, Nicky was relieved for that girl to finally leave. She grabbed the paper from her pocket and squinted her eyes to read it. The girl's name was Shani, she read the word right above the scribbled phone number. Rolling her eyes, she temporarily placed it back in her pocket until she could find a trash bin to toss it into.
Fury boiled to the surface after Lorna caught sight of the whole exchange between her girlfriend and tater-tot lover. Her head shook furiously, she gritted her teeth to keep herself from losing it. She knew that girl was pawing for Nicky; and damn, did she have the strong urge to claw her eyes out. Her eyes deterred from the interaction over to stare at Alex, who only returned her glance with a sympathetic expression. "See, what did I tell ya? That tater-tot girl wants Nicky," she said, gesturing her hands in their direction.
"But look, Nicky shoed her away—stop worrying so much, Lorna. You know Nicky wouldn't do anything to hurt you. This is why smoking weed doesn't seem like such a good idea for ya right now," the older woman pointed out, still holding a concerned mien on her face. Seeing how upset and paranoid Lorna was at the moment, without even taking any marijuana yet, Alex pondered how worse off she'd be with the effects from using the herb.
The conversation was quickly interjected by Nicky's return; she held up the Ziploc and shook it a little to show off that she successfully retrieved the weed. "Got the good shit," she informed them, sitting back in her spot beside Lorna. After the heavily unnerving conversation with that Shani girl, she graciously threw her arms protectively around her girlfriend's petite waist.
"I need some now," Lorna muttered, reaching for the bag desperately.
"Whoa, kid, calm down. Lemme show ya how to do it, yeah?" The redhead eyed her suspiciously while reaching in her other pocket for her lighter and pipe. She faintly grimaced when the stupid piece of paper came out with it.
The paper was quickly observed by Lorna, who sucked the bottom of her lip inward as her eyes moved across at Nicky. "What's that paper for, hon?"
"Don't worry about it, doll, it's nothing important. I just had it in my pocket because I'm waiting to find a garbage can to toss it in."
Arching eyebrows interestedly over both of her dark eyes, Lorna held her gaze on the other woman. To assume she was intrigued to know what was written on that paper in her girlfriend's hands would be an under assumption. She craved to get her hands on it, to see what it said, but she sighed and refrained from any further prying. The last thing she wanted to do was to upset Nicky over something that was probably only a petty, stupid, piece of paper.
"So, how do ya smoke the weed?" She asked, deciding that whatever that paper contained wasn't worth a possible argument. Her interest was better suited on learning how to use the herb that her girlfriend brought over, she deemed. At least the effects of it would benefit her in a more positive manner.
Nicky held the pipe in one hand while using her other to grab a couple pinches of the cannabis and placed it inside the circular bowl at the end of it. She repeated the last step a couple of times to make sure it held a decent amount inside. Before picking up the lighter, she turned to face Lorna and gestured her head towards the herb-filled pipe in her hand. "Ya see that, kid? I just put a few little dabs of the weed in the little bowl part a the pipe and now I'm gonna show ya how to smoke it. Ready?"
Eyes watching closely, Lorna gave a profuse nod of her head. The scent was intense; she couldn't figure out exactly what kind of scent it'd been but it filled both of her nostrils quite profoundly. Maybe an herby smell, like opening a large bag of catnip—not that she had a cat but the only thing she could acquaint it to—it had a strong Earthy undertone, mixed in, she noted as well. "I didn't expect it to have such a strong smell," she commented, observing her girlfriend's actions with curious eyes.
A light chuckle expelled from Nicky as she reclaimed the lighter in her free hand. "Smells like the Earth, yeah?"
"I would say more like catnip," Lorna decided, bouncing her shoulders in a shrug.
Interrogative lines formed on Alex's forehead; she peered towards her with an intrigued aura coming from her eyes. "Catnip? Ya got cats or something at home?"
The youngest teen let out a light-hearted laugh and shook her head. "Nah my dad would never allow cats in the house. But when I was younger, every time we'd go to the store for groceries…I had this weird habit of going down the cat food aisle and finding the little bags of catnip—I always squeezed them until they popped open and the contents fell all over the floor. I, uh, I thought if I covered the floor in catnip that a herd of cats would magically appear." Her cheeks flushed a bright pink; embarrassment settled in, she focused her eyes downward.
"Kid, are ya sure ya weren't smoking back then?" Nicky playfully inquired, a warm laugh escaping. She easily pressed a kiss atop her head while imagining a little Lorna messing a store aisle up with bags and bags of catnip. Another snicker poured through her at such an amusing thought.
"I was not—my brother told me that if I threw all the catnip on the floor, all the cats would show up to eat it. I believed him because I was like six or seven years old at the time," was Lorna's sheepish reply, the redness on her cheeks only darkening.
Both girls gave her a questioning glance, neither one knowing of this mysterious brother she had mentioned. It was Nicky who decided to break the ice and question the brunette, "Thought ya only had a sister? Where's your brother—is he the oldest?"
Lorna shrugged. Talking about her family was never her topic of choice. Even more so when it came to her brother, she knew the only reason he even joined the military was to escape Mr. Morello's drunken fits. Not just that, but she had a sense that busying himself with the army might have been his way of coping with their mother's illness and eventual death. At least it was healthier than how she chose to cope, she thought. "I got a brother, too. Mikey, he's a year younger than Franny—he enlisted in the military after he turned eighteen so he ain't home that much."
"Now, can we get back to ya showing me how to smoke the weed?"
Nicky gave a gentle squeeze to her girlfriend's waist and put her attention back on the pipe and lighter in her hands. Albeit sensing the miniscule sadness that seemed to ooze from Lorna's features, she refrained from saying anything further on that matter. "All I'm gonna do now is hold my hand around the bowl part and place the lighter carefully underneath it. And then I'm just gonna light it and inhale it from the little straw thing at the other end of it—see here," she stated, moving a finger towards the skinny part of the pipe.
"Okay, so, can I try please?" Impatience rapidly took over as Lorna's eyes gazed longingly at the pipe in her lover's hands.
Holding up a hand, Nicky curtly shook her head. "Hold on, kid. Let me demonstrate how to inhale in it, yeah?" She did exactly that, using one hand to bring the thinner side of the pipe into her mouth and the other hand she used to grip onto the bowl while moving a finger to start the lighter beneath it. The fire crackled over the marijuana, Nicky sucked in slowly for several seconds before emancipating the flick on her lighter and pulling the straw from her mouth. An airy breath released afterwards, leaving a chain of smoke in its path.
The younger teen nodded enthusiastically while reaching a hand out for the instruments. "Looks easy enough. I think I'm ready to try it," she commented, eagerly awaiting to be handed the pipe and lighter. Adrenaline pumped intensely through her veins; she never imagined herself to ever be doing anything like what she'd been about to do. It gave her a thrill she never knew she wanted.
Nicky carefully handed the items to Lorna, eyes gazing over her with a ferocity that she didn't know was there until that specific moment. She still hadn't felt at ease with allowing her to test out the cannabis; it caused a fierce worry to loom over her, she hoped Lorna was not doing this just to prove herself to anyone. "Be careful, yeah?"
Though she paid attention to the demonstration Nicky displayed only moments ago, with the lighter and pipe in her hands, a faint bout of nervous goosebumps formed on Lorna's skin. Never in her life had she ever believed she'd be holding marijuana in her fingers—maybe not directly in them but it was held by her, nonetheless. Shaking away the building panicky sensation, she put her focus on mimicking her girlfriend's previous actions. She held the bowl in one hand and tried to grab the lighter in the same one so that the one free hand she had left she could use to hold the thin piece into her mouth but realized just how uncoordinated she was in comparison to Nicky. Her hands tremored slightly, but she did her best to grip them in a similar fashion to how the older teen had. She placed the straw of the pipe into her mouth and covered her thumb over the flick on the lighter; the task proved much more challenging than she originally thought as the lighter ever-so-lightly shook from the increasing quiver of her hand. The movement caused the flame to come in contact with her finger rather than the bowl full of weed.
Chapter 28
Notes:
Well, I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who's been taking the time to read this story of mine lately. I'm shocked to see how many people have read it in the past few days, wasn't expecting that at all; thank you so much for choosing to read this. It really does mean so much to me.
Chapter Text
Chapter Twenty-Seven
"God damn it," Lorna yelped from the burning contact her thumb just had with the flame of the lighter.
Sighing, Nicky quickly grabbed a hold of the bowl of the pipe along with taking the lighter from her girlfriend's blatantly pained hand. "Are you okay, kid? Maybe this is a sign that you're not meant to try it, yeah?" She peered heavily into Lorna's brown eyes, studying every millimeter of her face in a scrutinous fashion. A kiss her lips brushed against porcelain-toned cheeks.
Lorna threw up a persistent hand in her face as if without verbal communication telling the other she was fine and ready to have another go at it. "I forgot how clumsy I am is all. I still wanna smoke the weed. I just wanna try it, please. Isn't this good for like anxiety or somethin'?"
"Fine, but I'll take care of the lighter. Don't want ya burnin' yourself again, doll." Nicky nodded with each word she spoke, cupping the lighter in one hand as she gripped it beneath the bowl. She felt Lorna's hand brush up against hers from how close they were; the sensation was delicate, bringing a warmth down Nicky's spine. Before she clicked on the flick to get the igniter started, she deterred her eyes from it and moved them back up at the brunette. "You ready? Put the bit into your mouth and I'll get the lighter going under the bowl. As soon as ya hear it crackling, inhale and hold it for a few seconds. But don't inhale too much at once, yeah?"
Was she ready? Oh, god, she was more than ready to finally have the mouthpiece of the pipe in her mouth. She yearned to feel the effects of the cannabis she was about to take in—her mind wandered a bit as she waited for the sound of crackling to sound through her ears, she thought of her mother and the one good month she had right before the cancer got too bad. She was only thirteen at the time, even more naïve then, but she blatantly remembered Mrs. Morello sitting on their front porch with a pipe—similar to the one she was holding right then in the present—and smoking something from it. In her naïve adolescent mind at that time, she acquainted that to holy water or whatever innocent thing her mom had told her it was. Now, though, as she sat with a smoking pipe in her own possession, Lorna realized that what her mother smoked that day must have been medical marijuana.
Her thoughts were soon interjected by the sound of a crackling heat roaring through her ears. She inhaled sharply, the straw of the pipe in her mouth, and held her breath for a few seconds. A rush of euphoria seemed to quickly inhabit Lorna's mind; she felt the beginnings of a rather large grin involuntarily form from the corners of her mouth. It was as though all of the worry and anxiety she once had was rapidly washed away by an overwhelming sense of peace. The memory of her mother's smoking from a pipe on their front porch reared its face once more and that time, Lorna couldn't hold in her laughter any longer.
Laughs poured out of her for several moments, she couldn't comprehend if they were voluntary or not—it felt as though she was possessed and the laughing continued. Regardless, Lorna was grateful to not have any worries or stress for however long the high from the cannabis lasted. Mrs. Morello always said to she and her siblings how laughing was one of the best medicines out there. If only it would have healed her mom from the cancer, she thought.
Nicky and Alex observed her with simultaneously amused expressions upon their faces. Neither one of them had expected her to go through with smoking it. The dazed look that portrayed through Lorna's brown eyes—her pupils so large they seemed to have absorbed the brown irises—instantly brought a warm chuckle from Nicky's throat. She slid a protective arm around her shoulder, gently pulling her closer so she could press a soft kiss onto one of her cheeks.
"Feelin' good, yeah kid?" Her brown eyes bored lovingly down at her girlfriend.
Lorna grinned in response. Good? She felt amazing; her mind was calm for once in the past several months. The only thoughts that ran through her mind at that moment were ones that aided in her fit of laughter. "I feel better than good, hon. Ya know, this reminds me of a story I wanna share," she moved her hands slightly as she spoke.
"I'm interested to hear what story this is," Alex chimed in after having been silent for quite some time.
Nicky nodded in agreement, piqued in interest as well to hear what possible story her girlfriend was going to share with them. She tightened her arm around the younger girl's shoulder, easily allowing her lips to stroke atop her head. "Yeah, let's hear it."
"Okay, well, when I was thirteen I remember me and my motha sittin' out on the porch and she, she had a pipe like this," Lorna paused, holding up the pipe as if they wouldn't know what she was referring to otherwise, and the grin on her face widened. Her index finger pointed liberally at the object in a way to emphasize her point. "I was a real dumb child at the time and when I asked what she was doing, she told me she was smoking holy water. Well, now, I realized that's not true—my mom was smoking—" She hesitated once more, feeling a hysteric of giggles brewing inside of her. "My mom was smoking weed." And without warning, she erupted into laughter again.
"I don't know what I find funnier the fact that you think thirteen was so long ago or the fact your mom told ya she was smoking holy water," Nicky commented, smirking teasingly at her very high girlfriend. Despite her playful nature, she kept a close eye on the girl to make sure she didn't do anything too extravagant.
Sitting on the other end of the sofa, Alex chose to keep quiet after hearing the story. She had a sense that the weed her mother smoked was medically prescribed for the cancer pain and she knew it wasn't her place to say anything—no matter how much she believed it was only in Lorna's best interest to be open with Nicky about what happened.
Lorna moved her hand in a waving motion and felt the grin on her face double in size. To her it felt as though someone else was in control of her body, like she'd been possessed; yet, the high from the inhalation of the cannabis brought a sense of happiness to her that she never imagined was possible. Even feeling like her body was under a separate entity's control, the euphoria kept her from over worrying about such. Instead, she focused up on her redheaded girlfriend, letting her hands cup warmly around each of her cheeks.
"Thank you, hon, for letting me try this. I probably won't ever smoke weed again but that don't mean I'm not really enjoyin' the high from it right now."
A chuckle tumbled up from Nicky's throat; she was relieved to hear the other say that. The last thing she'd have wanted was for Lorna to follow in her footsteps and get into even more hardcore drugs. Fortunately, that wasn't going to happen and knowing that, she moved her face closer to the brunette's and allowed their lips to naturally brush together in a delicate kiss.
Though she longed for the kiss to last longer, Lorna realized if she hadn't stopped they might end up making out on a soaked couch. With resistance, she pulled away and stood up. "I'll be back—I gotta go to the bathroom, gonna try to find where it is," she informed the two girls before walking away to find where the restroom was located. She knew that coffee she drank before leaving her sister's house would come back to haunt her and of course, it chose when she was enjoying an intimate moment with Nicky.
Once the brunette teen was out of earshot, Alex perked up to give an indecipherable gaze towards Nicky. Interest was piqued to know who that mysterious tater-tot girl was from earlier. Though she was both Lorna's and Nicky's friends, in that moment an inkling to be slightly more protective of Lorna overpowered her. "So, who was that girl ya were talkin' to over by the food table earlier?" The question nonchalantly came out from her mouth.
Nicky made a face at the recollection of such an uncomfortable run-in. A grunt escaped her, she wanted nothing more than to forget that terribly unnerving interaction ever happened in the first place. And that stupid piece of paper that sat in her pocket made that quite the chore. "No one important. She seemed to want to get in my pants but I told her I am very happily taken," she responded truthfully, fixing her eyes down on her lap. In her eyes, there was no one else more right for her than her beloved Lorna. And, albeit there being quite a bit she hadn't known about her still, she vowed to herself that she would eventually succeed in getting the petite brunette to fully open up to her.
Finding the bathroom only took walking in circles for twenty minutes before she realized it was right in front of her the entire time. Leave it to her, she thought, to walk past it several times until she finally noticed it. She lightly laughed at herself as she entered into the bathroom. When she finished her business, she washed her hands and stopped to study her features in the reflection the mirror projected. There was a puffiness in her cheeks that she hadn't ever noticed before—and a lot of fat seemed to accumulate around her arms and abdomen. She swallowed a wad of saliva and backed slowly away from the reflective glass. It was no wonder that tater-tot girl was after her girlfriend, she probably noticed them together and thought why would someone as beautiful as Nicky Nichols choose to be with a short, fatty, like Lorna. Of course, Lorna breathed in, of course she wasn't good enough—skinny, pretty, enough—to be with Nicky. Even that damn tater-tot girl saw that, she exhaled slowly.
She sighed and made her way out of the bathroom. All of a sudden, she felt every ounce of that euphoria leave her body and in its place was almost like a depressive state that engulfed her. A gradual ache formed in the middle of her forehead, making her regret even considering taking any weed—or better yet, she regretted just agreeing to come to that party in the first place. She should have never come to it at all, she realized. In hindsight, it sounded like a fun way to spend the evening, thought it might help ease her mind after the therapy session. However, then, as she stood outside of the bathroom, she felt her mind being bombarded with every thought imaginable. The thoughts were seemingly suffocating her and the air felt stiff and heavy—as though she were trapped in a room full of thick smoke.
A floating sensation swiftly impaired her; she couldn't distinguish if it was a hallucination from the high or if there was someone carting her off somewhere. It wasn't until she felt her body being placed against a soft cushion that she figured out it wasn't only a hallucination. Being slightly intoxicated from the effects of the marijuana, she felt completely numb as she finally looked up to see who the person was that had dragged her off to whatever room she was in.
Even when her eyes landed on an unfamiliar silhouette of a man, there was no fear or concern to be expressed on her face. Her emotions were subdued, it appeared to her, she wasn't even sure she could say she felt neutral—she didn't feel anything. However, despite the lack of feeling, she squinted her eyes up at the person and couldn't figure out who he was. She didn't remember ever seeing him anywhere, not even anyplace throughout the night at the party.
"Who are you? And what's going on?" Her voice deadpanned as she inquired, looking up at the masculine figure with an unreadable mien displayed on her face.
"Oh, ya don't remember me? I'm hurt, Lorna," he answered, finally turning to face her as she sat on the edge of the bed in a guestroom he had hauled her into only moments ago. There was a blatant anger that seemed to ooze from his voice; he stood towering over her while his brown eyes peered fiercely down into hers.
Lorna swallowed uncomfortably and wanted to move away but felt her body was too heavy. Like cement blocks had been placed overtop of her; she mentally wondered if that was another unnerving side effect from smoking the weed. She looked up at the man, squinting her eyes as if that would magically make her recognize him, but there was nothing about him that seemed even remotely familiar. Yet, the fact that he knew her name sent a chill down her spine.
"No, um, I don't. But how do ya know my name? And I still don't understand what's going on."
Reaching for a cigar from the pocket of his jeans, the dark-haired man pulled out a lighter and cupped his hand around it until the cigar was appropriately lit. His eyes averted back towards Lorna, a smirk molding to his face. "I was in the military with ya brotha, Mikey. I left after the last base but guess he likes it more than I ever did. I only joined because I didn't wanna go to jail," he nonchalantly stated, letting the cigar dangle between his fingers.
A chuckle expelled when he watched the expression on her face change. "You really don't remember me? I came here when your motha died, for the funeral, to show Mikey support and all that shit. Vince Muccio, that don't ring no bells for ya?"
The mention of her mother was enough to ignite every one of her suppressed emotions. Tears immediately lined the bottoms of her eyelids. The walls appeared to be closing in on her—literally and metaphorically, she deemed as she watched in slow motion as the walls of the bedroom moved closer to her body. It probably was only a hallucination from the cannabis, but it felt all too real for her. She couldn't move her body, let alone use what little energy she had to respond to the man's questions.
The lack of response hadn't gone over well with Vince. He would not stand to be ignored by anyone. After taking a third, maybe fourth, puff of his cigar, he decided to slam his fists against the wall behind him to scare the young teen into responding to what he had asked. "Can ya talk? What did ya forget how to make words come out or somethin'?"
"I can—I can talk. I'm just, I don't know what you're saying. None of it makes any sense to me. I don't remember you, my motha did not die so you're just making shit up."
He stepped slightly closer, his breath trickling hotly over her body as she sat unnervingly on the end of the bed—as if temporarily paralyzed from the numbness in her mind. "So ya callin' Mikey a liar? I was at the funeral, your mom was dead as a doornail in that coffin," he responded nonchalantly, taking a long drag of the cigar. He expelled a smokey breath. "I'm real hurt ya don't remember me, Lorna. After what we did? Did ya lose all your brain cells or something?"
Lorna squinted her eyes while trying to decipher what the man was referring to when saying what they did. What the hell had they done? The question frantically ran through her mind. She felt a lump forming in her stomach. How could she have done something with someone she had no recollection of even meeting before? The thought alone brought an intense wave of nausea over her. It made her wonder if what was happening at that moment was even real or if the weed was making her hallucinate it. She lifted her hands up, rubbing furiously at her eyes. The vision remained the same after she stopped and her lungs forced out a huff of air.
"I'm callin' you a liar. I don't know you and I think you're insane. I don't understand what the point of this is. Why did ya drag me in here?" She gestured her hands around the room to emphasize her words.
"To finish what we were doing the last time we saw each other," he responded as if it were the most obvious thing. He pushed Lorna back so that she was laying against the mattress and moved himself so that he was winged overtop of her. His eyes fiercely peered down into hers; there was a lecherousness energy oozing from him. "I can't believe you have the audacity to say you forget that."
His touch and close proximity instantly fueled a fire in Lorna. She squirmed underneath him, trying to get out from his entrapment. Her foot swung up and kicked rather harshly at Vince's genital region. While he doubled over in pain, Lorna rapidly pushed herself up from the bed and frisked her way to the door. The door knob momentarily jammed as she tried to quickly escape before anything else took place. Panic set in; she felt her heartrate rising with every second she tried to force open the door.
However, with jamming of the knob halting her escape, that gave Vince enough time to recover from the pain and regain his strength to stand up. He came up behind her and used his arms to pull her adamantly back away from the door. "Nice try, Lorna. No, I'm not letting ya leave again. I'm mad at you for not fucking remembering me, after the funeral and all that we did? How are ya that dense?"
Lorna reacted on instincts, letting the back of her head collide roughly with the front of his. She dug her nails into the flesh of his arms, hoping the pain would force him to release his uncomfortable grasp. His grip loosened slightly but hadn't been released fully. Exasperation fell over her; she repeated the head and face collision, hoping it would jolt him enough to let go of her. "You are fucking insane," she said, surprising herself with how bold her voice sounded. "Nothing ever fucking happened between us because I don't even know you."
"Yeah? Ya don't remember me touching you while you were sleeping in the funeral home? Or my lips on top of yours? Wow, you're really a bitch. What, was I not perfect enough for ya? Nah, actually you're too trashy for someone like me," he snickered, taking his cigar and smashing the tip of it against Lorna's cheek as if she were an ashtray.
The sensation immediately resulted in a yelp out of the brunette teen. She quickly reached her hands up to force Vince's away from her. "None of that happened. Let me the fuck go. I don't wanna be anywhere near ya," her voice frantically shouted, frustration pouring through her. She had no time to ponder over any of the things that were just told to her; all that was on her mind at that moment was how to escape that man's presence.
Once out of his grasp, she ran back to the door and the jam seemed to have disappeared. She hurriedly pushed the door open and exited the room. Her eyes widened when she noticed the tater-tot girl outside of it, then running the opposite way. A pang formed in her chest. Had that been some sort of setup? Oh god, she thought, that tater-tot lover must have been behind the whole incident. Lorna felt her chest constrict from how sick it made her—she set up all of that so that she could tell Nicky her lover was a cheating whore. The thought alone had Lorna yearning to vomit. All she could think to do was run.
"Where the hell is she?" Nicky questioned worriedly after nearly fifteen minutes passed and no sign of Lorna anywhere in the room. She anxiously tapped her foot on the ground, wishing that would make the brunette appear. Her eyes averted over towards Alex, who looked just as concerned as herself. "I fuckin' knew letting her try weed was a shitty idea. She probably got lost because she's so high she can't fuckin' see straight."
The older woman bounced her shoulders in a shrug but gave a puzzling glance at Nicky. "I don't think she's as high as ya say. I mean it's not like she smoked that much of it. And of course she can't see straight, she's a lesbian," she stated, not being able to resist from saying the last part. A small chuckle escaped her from the joke she made. Lightening the mood was always something she deemed herself good at.
Despite the intense worry looming over her, the remark easily received a snicker out of the redhead. She threw up a hand and wagged it in Alex's face. "Damn you for that ridiculously funny comment, Vause," another snicker escaped her as she shook her head. Once the laughing faded away, the serious expression returned to her face. Thoughts lingered on Lorna. She sighed. Her instincts should have been listened to earlier, she knew. "She might not have smoked a whole lot but you see how tiny she is, it wouldn't take a lot for her to feel the effects of it."
The conversation quickly became interjected when the brown-haired girl from earlier appeared in front of them. Nicky inwardly grumbled at the sight of her. The expression on her face was unreadable, however, the slight smirk that displayed on it had not gone overlooked by Nicky, either. It brought her an irritation even stronger than mere seconds ago. She crossed her arms distastefully over her chest, staring her over darkly.
"Do ya need something? I already told ya I got a girlfriend and I am not interested in you. So, what do ya want?"
Returning her gaze, the tall brunette pursed her lips to stop herself from smiling. That would easily cause a suspicion to build up in the girl she was trying to lure over to her. The longer her eyes lingered on Nicky, the hungrier her lust grew. "Yeah, I just thought you'd like to know I saw your little girlfriend comin' outta one of the bedrooms with some man," she informed her, using air quotes while saying girlfriend. It proved a challenge to keep herself from smirking; she was pleased with herself for coming up with such an elaborate plan.
Nicky rolled her eyes at the blatant lie; she shook her head while glaring even harder at the girl. "Really? Ya think I'm fuckin' stupid? Are ya that desperate to get in my pants? Cause I am gonna tell ya right now, it ain't ever gonna happen. Especially if you're willing to make up such hurtful lies about my Lorna. Get outta here with that," she waved a hand frustratedly at her, motioning for her to leave.
"I had a feeling ya might not believe me," Shani retorted, reaching down to grab her phone from her pocket. Her thumb eagerly flipped up the top and she clicked on the pix folder, enthusiastic as she scrolled through until she landed on the perfect photo. She held it up in Nicky's face, pointing profoundly at the phone screen. "See here, she's coming out of the room and there's the man right behind her. Guess it's time to get ridda her, right? A cheating little girl she is."
Though she knew all of what that girl said was utter bullshit, Nicky snatched the phone from her hand and peered down at the picture. Clear as day, there was Lorna—yet the expression on her face was very telling, she could easily see the trepidation oozing from her brown eyes. Her anger intensified at the sight, she moved her eyes back up at Shani. Her head shook furiously at her. "What the fuck is this? What is fucking wrong with you? What the hell did ya do Lorna?"
"Me? What's wrong with me? Are ya kidding? Your little pathetic girlfriend over here," she pointed at the photo displayed on her phone screen once more, "is the one with somethin' fucking wrong with her, obviously. I mean look at her, she's obviously guilty because she was having sex with whoever that guy is."
"First of all, if I hear ya call Lorna one more fucking name, I will fucking punch your face out. And second that look on her face is fucking fear because you, obviously, had whatever this is all planned out. I'm not stupid. Now, tell me what the fuck you did to my sweet girlfriend?"
Shani rolled her eyes, anger now replacing the enthusiasm that she once felt. Her plan had panned out so well, why all of a sudden did it appear to be so rapidly falling apart right in front of her? She roughly took her phone back from Nicky, throwing it into her pocket and hurriedly walking away without ever responding to the shorter teen's inquiry.
Relieved the brown-haired girl was gone, Nicky turned to Alex. Worried lines creased on her forehead. "I literally want to kill that girl," she said through gritted teeth. And, oh, how she'd meant it. The rage she felt at that Shani's words and actions, it was almost an indescribable sensation.
"I know, kid, I know," Alex softly responded, placing a soothing hand over her shoulder to calm some of the blatant anger that was emanating from her. "Why don't I just give Lorna a call, yeah? We'll find her and figure what really happened."
It was already past midnight and pitched black outside, however, Lorna found herself sitting on the side of the road right in front of the party house. Music still blared through the windows but she did her best to tune it out as she focused her eyes up on the sky. It was momentarily void from any clouds and she could clearly see millions of stars lighting up the otherwise dark neighborhood around her. Constellations were also visible to her eyes; she sighed while allowing the sight to mesmerize her. She needed something to keep her mind off of the incident that happened only moments ago.
Her mind kept wandering back to that man. She took in the words he had spoken, squinting her eyes as she tried to recall the night of her mother's funeral. It was a memory she kept locked away—she loathed to think about anything that had to do with Mrs. Morello and her untimely death. She could barely remember if she stood over the casket let alone whether that man was one of many faceless bodies that entered that room, pretending they actually cared about Stansie.
The ringing of her phone rapidly startled her from her thoughts. She swallowed a lump and grabbed the device from her coat pocket. The caller ID alerted her that it was Alex calling her; a sigh escaped from her windpipe. Of course, the two of them must have been looking for her—yet, she had a sense that it was probably to tell her what a cheating whore she was. It would be an understandable comment after tater-tot girl had gotten to them and informed them of whatever story she had in mind.
"Hello?" Her voice slightly shook into the receiver. It was more-so from the cold, frigid air than the trepidation, at least that was what she told herself.
"Where are you at, honey? Nicky and I are lookin' for ya—where'd ya go?" Alex concerningly questioned on the other end of the phone; both she and Nicky had already checked in each room of the house with no such luck.
The brunette felt her heart constrict; she focused her eyes down on her hands that were folded in her lap and sighed heavily. Guilt rose within her at the thought of Nicky and how she must have been feeling after hearing what tater-tot lover had to say. She had no business associating with either of those girls anymore, she knew. Not after all that had just taken place. "Don't worry about it or me. I'm fine, just go about your business. I'll find another way home."
Immediately, the concern intensified after hearing Lorna say that. She shared a look with Nicky, who's expression held an even stronger sense of worry, and the two made their way towards the front door. "No, Lorna, tell us where ya are. We're not letting ya leave here with any strangers. We're worried about you."
It wasn't much longer before the pair of them entered out of the house and Nicky instantly caught sight of Lorna through her peripheral vision. She slightly yanked on Alex's arm and gestured a hand over towards where her eyes observed the familiar silhouette of her petite girlfriend. "I found the kid," she called out, hurriedly making her way over there with the taller woman just as quickly walking behind her.
Without even verbally greeting the smaller teen, Nicky sat down beside her and instinctively engulfed her in a warm embrace. She felt the brunette's body faintly shiver in her arms and her heart rapidly clenched. "Lorna, what happened? Why are ya sittin' out here when it's freezing cold out and past midnight?" The questions worriedly spilled from her mouth; she pulled the younger girl even closer, hoping her arms would warm her up from the brisk winter air.
"What do ya mean what happened, hon? Don't ya already know? You should be pissed at me."
Chapter Text
Chapter Twenty-Eight
"Why should Nicky be pissed at you?" Alex joined the pair of them, eyebrows arched over her eyes. But then they widened when she realized what the reason would be. Her head shook at the pondering thought; she couldn't imagine what that girl had accused Lorna of to actually be true. Now that her mind sat with all those questions running through, she wasn't sure what to believe or not believe. She averted her eyes over towards Nicky to see what expression her face might reveal but couldn't get a clear vision. "You didn't actually sleep with some random guy, right? I know neither one of you would hurt each other in such a cruel way."
Despite the small bout of rage that still bubbled through her veins, a softness overcame Nicky as she gazed intensely at Lorna. She cradled her hands around her cheeks and studied the features of her face closely. There was no alarming signs that alerted her she had done anything that Shani girl tried to convince her and Alex she'd done. "No, Al," she commented, quickly glancing over at Alex and giving a shake of her head. "Lorna didn't do anything wrong. That fucking slimy Shani bitch was just making all that shit up like I already knew." Her teeth grit harshly together to try to stop the anger from increasing any further.
Shani, the name echoed through Lorna's mind. Tater-tot lover had a name. A name that made every part of her body cringe, however, a name, nonetheless. She sucked in a deep breath. "I just—I just wanna go home. I'm sorry for causing so much trouble," her voice quiet, she released herself from Nicky's grasp—with much reluctance—and forced herself to stand up. A wind blew past them, instinctively causing her body to shiver, and she made herself walk a few feet down the street. She was irritated with herself for going to that party to begin with. And she vowed she'd never go to another for as long as she had the unfortune of living.
The air grew colder each moment that passed, and though it was quite dark out, the light emanating from the stars gave sight to flurries of snow blanketing the surrounding ground. Lorna clenched her teeth together to stop from chattering; she felt her legs wanting to tremble from the freezing weather but instead forced them to move her a little further down the path. She folded her arms over her chest to preserve as much heat as possible.
Nicky quickly caught up with her and wrapped her arm around her shoulder, cautiously pulling her closer as if to shield her from the falling snow. "Stop that nonsensical talk, kid. Ya haven't caused any trouble. Let's just get outta here and we'll head back to my place with Red, yeah? That way you don't have to worry over calling your sister tonight." She hadn't given any time for the brunette to respond to her suggestion; using the arm she had around her shoulder to help guide her back to where her car was parked.
The drive only lasted a mere twenty minutes before Nicky pulled into the cobblestone driveway of Nurse Reznikov's house—or rather their house, she could probably start addressing it by. Lorna, who's head was resting on the rim of the window half asleep, rapidly awoken at the sensation of the moving vehicle ceasing movement. A yawn instinctively escaped her as she lifted her head up and peeped her eyes out of the window to see where they were. Cobblestone continued to the right of the driveway, leading to the front door of the stone ranch house. There was a decent sized porch surrounding the door that held two wicker rocking chairs with a dark metal table situated between them.
Lorna unfastened her seatbelt and pushed open the passenger door so that she could follow behind Nicky to the entry way of the house. Snow covered over the grass and the bushes off to the side of the front porch giving off an even cozier vibe than only seconds earlier. The house suited Mrs. Reznikov very well, Lorna thought to herself. It was simplistic and charming just like the woman who owned it. She stood behind her girlfriend while she rummaged through her satchel for the housekeys.
A warm aroma of nutmeg filled the air once Nicky opened the door and the two of them ventured inside. She wiped her shoes carefully on the doormat that was sitting on the floor right in front of the door, then used her hand to gesture for Lorna to mimic her previous actions. The house was quiet and dark, other than the dimmed light shining through the hallway and the natural settling of the house. Nicky silently led the way down the hall towards her bedroom; she made sure to shut it as quietly as possible to not disturb her surrogate mother's slumber.
Carefully walking to the dresser, she opened a drawer and grabbed two pairs of pajamas. The extra pair she gently tossed towards Lorna. She quickly changed into her own pair, beyond ready to wear something more comfortable. It didn't bother her to change in front of other girls at all; that came like second nature to her. She didn't even think about it, just undressed from her day clothes and threw those into the hamper beside the bed.
Shocked at how Nicky so casually started changing out of her clothes into her pajamas would be quite the understatement. Lorna didn't even realize her mouth was gaping open until she felt a drop of saliva running along her chin. Immediately, she closed her mouth and tried to tear her eyes away from her girlfriend's nearly bare body. It didn't make her uncomfortable by any means; in fact, she was mesmerized by just how stunning and beautiful Nicky was. Every centimeter of her was perfect, she deemed.
As if on cue, Nicky turned slightly to stare back at the brunette. She threw her a good-humored wink, "Like what ya see, huh kid?" A smirk displayed on her face. She quickly threw on her t-shirt and sweatpants before walking over to stand in front of Lorna. Her hands instantly cupped around her blushing cheeks, the smirk morphed into a warm smile and she inched their faces closer so that her lips brushed delicately over Lorna's.
Lorna closed her eyes while deepening the kiss significantly; she wrapped her hands lovingly around her girlfriend's face and allowed their lips to glide together stronger, yet with the utmost gentleness. The kiss lasted for a few moments longer before Lorna gently pulled away, however, kept her hands held delicately around Nicky's cheeks. "Would it be inappropriate of me to say I may have really liked what I saw?"
"Not at all, kid. I mean we're girlfriends' for shits shake," Nicky pointed out with a light chuckle. The sheepish smile on the other's face and deep shade of pink that covered her cheeks had her heart clenching inside her chest. Warmth rushed through her veins. She threw her arms gently around Lorna's waist, pulling her in for a much sought after embrace. "You can change into those pjs I gave ya, you know? That's why I gave em' to ya, doll."
"Oh, uh, yeah—where's the bathroom? I'll go change in there, needa rinse my face anyway." Lorna felt a lump mold in the pit of her stomach. There was no way she would be undressing in front of Nicky, at least not any time soon. She wasn't about to risk the chance of any of her bruises being caught by the other's eyes.
The suggestion had Nicky's eyebrows curve concerningly over her brown eyes. Albeit the request being of innocent nature, she had a sense there was a darker reason behind it. "Sure, kid, it's down the hall on the right," she informed her, deciding now wasn't the time to stir up any arguments over it. Though she vowed to figure out why Lorna was so adamant on needing to change in the restroom—it wasn't like she would judge her or make any snide comments if she were to stay in there to change.
When Lorna came back in Nicky's room, a mere twenty minutes later, she noticed it was almost completely dark aside from the light on the end table that only lit up a small fraction of the entire room. She stood hovering near the dresser, suddenly feeling uneasy and anxious at what she was supposed to do. Or rather the lack of knowing what she was to do. With her heart-rate steadily increasing, it wasn't long before her breath caught up and she realized it must have been loud because the next thing she heard was the clearing of a throat.
"Well, come on, kid; come get in bed—it's late," Nicky huskily called out, lying on her side so that she was able to peer over at her girlfriend. It was easily observable to her brown eyes how shaky the younger girl was as she stood there looking like a lost child in an amusement park. Such a sight brought a pang to her chest; her eyes softened immensely. The second she felt the mattress sink, she threw her arms protectively around the brunette's body.
"How come it took ya so long in the bathroom, kid? Everything okay? Oh, shit, did the weed make ya sick?"
At that moment, Lorna was almost grateful for having smoked the weed. If not for any other reason, it gave her an excuse to admit that she had been sick in the bathroom without having to worry Nicky as to why. She nodded slowly, letting one of her arms wrap loosely around the older teen's abdomen. It wasn't a complete lie either, she knew, a queasiness had set in right when they arrived at the house. Sure, maybe she would have induced the vomiting episode even if she hadn't felt nauseous but she felt slightly better knowing there was some truth behind the answer she was sharing with the girl she loved.
"I got nauseous in the car and it just kinda got worse after I put on the pajamas. And I didn't want to come in here until I cleaned the toilet and myself up. Sorry it took so long, hon. Ya didn't have to wait up for me but I appreciate that ya did."
Nicky sighed, pulling Lorna closer against her body and pressing her lips warmly atop her head. "I'm sorry ya got sick, kid. I knew it wasn't a good idea for ya to try the damn weed," she stated firmly, letting a hand tenderly push back a strand of hair from the other's eyes. She sighed, looking closely over her face for any signs of discomfort. "Ya wanna talk to me about what happened at the party?"
The query brought a bitter taste to Lorna's mouth. She deterred her eyes slightly away from the taller teen's. Recollecting about the earlier incident only strengthened the queasy sensation in her stomach. "What do ya mean, hon?" She hoped to somehow get herself out of having to discuss the happenings from that damned party. Yet, she sensed Nicky wasn't about to let up on it.
"Lorna, come on. Talk to me. What happened? I know something did because you're clearly not okay right now," Nicky pointed out when she felt Lorna's body very faintly trembling against her own. It worried her significantly. She leaned her forehead softly against the brunette's so that their eyes were forced to face each other. Her index finger she lifted to curl a strand of hair affectionately around her ear.
That was when Lorna noticed her own body shaking and mentally slapped herself for allowing that to go on long enough that her girlfriend had also took notice of it. The room was a bit chilly, she took note, of course that had to be why her legs seemed to quiver. It certainly wasn't because she had an unnerving encounter with a man who claimed to have done inappropriate things with her at her own mother's funeral. No, no that wasn't the reason at all.
"It's just chilly in here, that's why my legs are a little shaky. I'm good, hon," she commented, reaching to pull the comforter up to wrap around herself.
Frustration quickly rose within Nicky. Getting Lorna to open up about anything was as easy as riding a bike on a road built entirely of sharp spikes. In other words, it was one of the most challenging endeavors Nicky had ever vowed to take on. But she refused to give up. Lorna was worth everything to her even if it meant getting frustrated over her lack of discussing anything that might have a deep-rooted trauma associated with it.
She sighed, shutting her eyes for a long moment. It was in her own best interest to not get overly upset with Lorna, she knew, not if she didn't want her to clam up and run away like the last time she pried her too hard. "Lorna, what happened after ya went to the bathroom when we were at the party? You and I both know something did happen. That Shani girl saw ya come out of one of the bedrooms. Now I know her story was bullshit. But I need to know what really happened."
"I don't—I mean I don't really, I can't figure it out. There was some guy and he dragged me into that bedroom. But I thought I was hallucinating from the weed, everything was hazy and kinda numb-ish. I don't really know. But the guy he said things that didn't make no sense to me and I'm still real confused, hon."
Nicky's arms wrapped tighter around her girlfriend's waist, she reached her hands to cradle lovingly around her head and tenderly placed it onto her chest. Bending down slightly, she let her lips brush warmly on the top of her head. "Okay, kid, calm down. It's okay, you're safe now. Can ya remember anything else—what he said, did he do anything to ya? You're not hurt, are ya doll?"
Lorna swallowed thickly, letting her eyes focus down on the pattern of Nicky's shirt. She felt her hand cradled against the back of her head and for a moment, she shut her eyes contently. Nicky was the one person who always seemed to have such a calming effect over her. Her breath hitched momentarily in her throat as she pondered on how to respond. She didn't know she had an answer to any of those questions. In fact, she needed answers to those questions herself.
"I don't think I'm hurt, hon," she gently started, resting her cheek in the crook of Nicky's neck. "But he told me things that I don't know if they're true or not be-because I don't know the guy. He said he was in the military with my brotha and he knew my name but I have no clue who he is. I feel like I've gone insane."
Moving her hand cautiously to frame around the smaller girl's cheek, Nicky's eyes softly melded into hers. Compassion seeped through as she used her thumb to caress the flesh in soothing circles. Her heart ached at the thought of someone hauling off an intoxicated Lorna and how such an event must have messed with her already temporarily incapacitated mind. She drew in a large breath of air while continuing the soothing motion around the cheek her hand was cupped around. The words that her girlfriend said she tried to wrap her mind around them in an effort to make sense of their meaning.
"Okay, so, he didn't do anything physically to ya, yeah doll?" Lorna nodded and Nicky pulled her closer, brushing her lips warmly over her forehead. Relief fell over her; at least the man hadn't harmed her in a physical or sexual manner, she silently affirmed. "What did he say to you? Can ya tell me?"
A tightness sat in her throat at the other's inquiry. She wasn't sure what to respond with—if she recalled factually what occurred, that would mean having to mention the death of her mother but having to come up with a lie, when she was already drained, felt like a hassle. Lifting a hand slowly up to her forehead, she rubbed vigorously at her temples. The motion did nothing to aide in her thought process. Ironically, it only formed a throbbing ache between them.
"I mean he just was talking like I was supposed to know him or somethin'. He said he was with Mikey in the army and that he seen me before the last time he came to visit my brotha…but I really had no damn clue who he was. And he got real mad because of that," Lorna said, swallowing thickly at the memory of the cigar pressed against her cheek. She hoped it hadn't left any remnants; the last thing she wanted was for her girlfriend to notice any strange marks on her skin.
"Yeah? Are ya sure he didn't hurt ya in any way, doll?" Nicky brushed her knuckles warmly along the flesh of the brunette's cheek. Her free arm she used to wrap protectively around Lorna's waist, naturally pulling her closer so that her head was resting on her chest. She let her lips press soothingly down onto the flesh of her forehead. Regardless of Lorna's insistence that nothing was done, Nicky observed her every inch of her body intently. She knew her girlfriend had a high tendency to downplay any events that may have included anything even remotely harmful.
After looking over her arms and nothing out of the ordinary caught her eye, she sighed out of relief and simply rested her forehead onto Lorna's. Their eyes met; Nicky's heart caught in her throat. She reached a thumb to tenderly move a strand of hair from her girlfriend's eye. Their lips melted together in a delicate kiss. However, she gradually pulled away when a dark ember bruise situated on the corner of Lorna's cheek came into her peripheral vision.
Gulping uneasily, she placed her thumb right below the mark and caressed the flesh in a tender circle. It formed a pang in her chest to see such a flamboyant marking on the younger girl's face. Her eyes averted back to her girlfriend's, an intense concern radiating from them. "How'd this bruise get on your cheek, baby?" She queried softly, moving her thumb lightly back and forth around it.
"Oh, uh, I must have smacked it on something. I didn't even know I had a bruise there, hon. That weed really made me feel weird and some things are a bit hazy to me still," Lorna quickly shrugged it off. Her eyes shut and she moved her hands up to cover over her face, rubbing them up and down the length of it a few times. She already knew that her girlfriend was not going to be convinced by her words. A sigh escaped her; the guilt that she had for being so deceitful with Nicky tore her up inside. It wasn't something she enjoyed doing, yet, she loathed the idea of burdening her more than the guilt all the lying was causing her.
"Lorna, tell me the truth. Please. That bruise doesn't look like ya just smacked it on something," the older teen gently pleaded. Her hand cradled affectionately around the cheek with the mark while her eyes held their gaze.
Another heaping huff of air expelled up from Lorna's lungs through her windpipe. Everything always came back to bite her, she realized. All the lies, all the stories—she didn't know how much longer she could keep them up until they all exploded in her face. She placed a hand on her temple and massaged it rather sharply. "I don't know. I mean I mighta felt a cigar smash against my cheek but I-I couldn't tell if it was real or if I imagined it. I shoulda listened to you and not tried any a the weed. I'm so sorry, hon."
A cigar clashing with her cheek? The statement easily formed a raging fire in her chest. To think that someone would do something so cruel to a person as sweet as her girlfriend, it made Nicky want to smash and throw anything she could get her hands on. However, with it being the middle of the night and not wanting to upset Lorna, she settled on gritting her teeth while tightening her arms around the petite waist of her lover. Lips pressing delicately onto her forehead.
"Don't you apologize for a thing, kid. I am so sick inside that some asshole thought it was okay to use your precious face as a fucking ashtray for their damn cigar. Who was it? Was it that fucking stupid guy who snatched ya away to the bedroom? Does it hurt, my sweet Lorna?" The questions appeared to urgently pour out of her.
Lorna swallowed uncomfortably, her chest tight and heavy at how frantic the older girl sounded with each inquiry. That reason, right then, was why she hadn't want to share the complete truth with Nicky. Seeing the agonizing expression on her angelic face caused the ache in Lorna's chest to deepen. She never wanted to be the culprit of the redhead's pain. A sigh puffed out; she let her arms wrap softly around Nicky's neck. They locked eyes and she easily noted the worry in the other's. Such sight increased the tightness in her chest vastly.
"Please don't get all worked up over it, Nicky," she warmly started, lifting her head slightly so that she could stroke her lips over the tip of Nicky's chin. Her fingers caressed the flesh of it in a soothing circle. "I mean yeah that guy kinda did it but it's not a big deal. I mean I kicked him in the groin first so I probably deserved that, ya know?"
The already boiling rage bubbled even stronger after hearing what Lorna said only seconds ago. She peered down into her eyes quite firmly, upset that the girl she loved would even consider allowing a comment like that to slip out of her. "No, doll, you did not deserve to be hurt by that fucking piece of shit. Ya kicked him in the groin first? So he was tryna force himself on ya, huh?" As if the anger inside of her wasn't previously at a boiling point, now it felt as though her skin could instantly evaporate a droplet of water.
"I don't know if he was planning to do anything like that—I just, he made me upset so I kicked him and then he got mad and grabbed me so I pounded him in the face with the back of my head a few times. That's when he took the cigar he was smokin' and pressed it into my cheek."
The way she explained the incident in a rather monotonous tone—like she was sharing the day's weather—constricted Nicky's breathing to a certain degree. Yet, the fact that Lorna was even willing to fully open up about what happened brought a bout of graciousness over her. She knew that it was a rare occurrence for her girlfriend to feel safe enough to discuss any painful events. Her arms cradled soothingly around the smaller girl's petite frame. "I'm proud of you for sticking up for yourself, doll. But pissed at this idiot guy for hurting ya and upsetting ya enough that ya hadda resort to such lengths. I hope to god ya never run into him again because I can't promise I won't beat him, yeah?"
Lorna pursed her lips into a tight smile. If what he had said was actually true, she had a feeling there was a very real possibility that she could see him again in the future. The thought churned her stomach. However, with it being so late and exhaustion already setting in, she suppressed the sensation and nuzzled her face into Nicky's chest, pressing a tender kiss atop it. "I don't think we needa worry about that again, hon. I love you," her voice barely louder than a whisper, sleep quite evidently mixed in.
Combing a hand lovingly through brown waves, the older teen returned the gesture with a soft peck on the top of her head. She reached for her comforter and brought it up to wrap around the pair of them. It felt like the most natural thing to have Lorna in her arms; a sensation she hadn't realized how much she craved until they were lying there together in her bed. "I love you too, doll. Goodnight," she murmured warmly against her ear, continuing the motion through Lorna's hair until the both of them fell into a tranquil slumber.
A strong scent of coffee was what awakened Lorna from her sleep early the next morning. Her nose crinkled yearningly at the pleasant aroma. The moon was still sitting in the sky, outside of the window, shinning fervently through. She stretched her body to further wake herself—the winter darkness exhausted her to no end—and pushed herself up off of the bed. Searching the room, she quickly noticed that Nicky must have already left as there was no sign of her anywhere.
Albeit being a guest in her girlfriend's house, Lorna refused to leave the bedroom until the bed was neatly put back together. Once she finished the task she walked out through the door. The scent rapidly intensified as she did so, aromas of breakfast items stirring in with the coffee. She followed it and was led to the kitchen, which was just off the quaint living room she remembered entering into the previous night. Something about the kitchen caused a warmth to come over her. She caught sight of Nurse Reznikov hovering over the burner, flipping pancake batter in the pan atop it and she thought of her own mother. How Mrs. Morello—long before her cancer diagnoses—loved to frolic about their kitchen every morning, preparing the most beautiful meals Lorna had ever seen. It wasn't until she noticed two sets of eyes on her that she realized tears had fallen along her cheeks. She quickly wiped at them and forced a smile to form.
"Sorry, I get a little too excited over the smell of coffee," Lorna sheepishly stated, the smile on her face widened slightly. A smile that wasn't completely genuine but it covered the other swirling emotions enough that she figured the other two would be sufficiently convinced.
Observing the young teen closely, Red gave a nod. That certainly hadn't been the strangest thing she'd ever heard. She took the spatula that was laid out on the counter to the right of the stove and extracted the pancake from the pan, placing it on the plate with the rest. The coffee finished dripping into the pot, so, she walked over to grab it and poured the steaming liquid into the three mugs she had previously put out. One was given to Lorna, the other to her Nicky.
"Yes, I get the same way in the morning. When the sun is yet to rise and I need my caffeine to wake my brain. Coffee makes my heart happy," the Russian woman agreed, her face radiating with a warm smile molded to it. She started setting things on the little wooden table that resided in the corner of her kitchen and motioned her hand at Nicky, mentally asking her to help gather the dishes and silverware.
It took only a matter of minutes for the table to be prepared with enough plates for the three of them along with the plentiful of breakfast food laid out neatly in the middle. Red folded a hand on each hip, proud of what was accomplished. She sat down in her usual seat, grabbing her mug and sipping savoringly. Nothing was better than that first sip of bold coffee in the morning. Her eyes averted to Lorna—who still stood in the archway from the living room—and motioned with her hand for she to join them at the table.
Lorna shifted uneasily but did as the older woman gestured for her to. She walked over and sat down in the chair next to Nicky's. Of course, how extravagant and lovely the meal looked formed a warm, fuzzy, sensation through her body—it was homey, like the Morello house had once been. The food looked stunning, perfect even; however, the thought of consuming it heightened her anxiety. She knew if she ate even a morsel she'd need to make a trip to the bathroom the second she got to the school and after the last time, she wasn't sure how smart of an idea that would be.
"You can eat, honey," Red stated when she saw her just sitting and staring at the spread. "Or do you like to pray before you eat?" She queried with an arched eyebrow as she used a butterknife to spread a helping of jam onto her perfectly golden piece of toast.
The question brought a deeper pang to her chest. Although she hadn't particularly cared for praying before meals, she remembered her mother doing so when she had still been relatively well. Such a memory drew a breath from her lungs. She swallowed hard as if that would somehow erase the emotions that were itching to display themselves. To avoid an occurrence like that, she busied herself with grabbing her mug of coffee and reaching for the ceramic jug of creamer. She poured a decent amount of the cream into the mug along with a couple teaspoons of sugar and then used her spoon to mix it all together.
Lorna sipped her coffee slowly and glanced across the table at Mrs. Reznikov. "Oh, uh, I don't pray. My mom used to. But I-I just wasn't sure if that's what you do so I didn't wanna just start eating without knowing. The coffee's real good," she nodded, holding up her cup to emphasize her point.
In the chair right beside her, Nicky watched her meticulously. She sipped her own black coffee and used her fork to grab one of the pancakes to place on the plate in front of her. Something felt off with Lorna's reaction to the meal before them—she couldn't quite put a finger to what that something was but she had a sense there was a bigger picture behind whatever her girlfriend had been trying to cover up with all the words that so easily spewed from her mouth.
"Yeah, ma, ya make the best coffee. Just the right amount of strong," Nicky chimed in as she cut a piece of pancake with the fork in her hand.
The woman smiled warmly at both teens, having a bite of toast with a sip of her own coffee. The flavors blended together rather magically. Once she swallowed, she gave a slightly stern stare between the pair of them. Hoping they hadn't thought their late arrival the night before went unnoticed by her. "I heard ya guys come in after midnight yesterday," she advised the girls, letting her arms naturally fold against her chest. "Now I know I told you, Nicky, it was fine for you to go to that party. However, that didn't mean for ya to stay out past eleven—not on a school night, anyway. Mind tellin' me why it was almost one o'clock when I heard the front door open?"
Both teens shared a quick glance and Nicky stifled a chuckle when Lorna ever-so-slightly crouched further down in her chair. She turned away to focus back on her surrogate mother. Despite the sternness in her tone, looking into her blue eyes all she saw was warmth and a motherly concern. Her heart burst at that. She still wasn't particularly used to a mother's affection or worry. A sigh escaped her. "I'm sorry, ma. I didn't mean for us to come back so late, we kinda lost track of time is all. I promise that won't happen again."
"It's okay, honey. I just don't want you girls out late when ya got school the next day—you need to be well rested so your brain can absorb all the learning, yes?" Red smiled, having a second bite of her jam latened toast.
When the two gave her a look at the comment, she only laughed and reached for her mug. She sipped it, then replaced it on the wooden surface. Her eyes deterred back to the brunette. She noticed her plate still sat empty and her maternal instincts turned full gear. "Please have some food, Lorna. I promise I didn't poison any of it," she gently insisted, smiling when she gained a light chuckle from the younger teen.
Out of caution, Lorna decided to reach for the safest option available—a scoop of fresh fruit and miniscule dallop of yogurt poured on top. As she sat there with the food on her plate, an uneasiness overcame her. She couldn't remember the last time she ate in front of another person, let alone two people she was rather close with. It felt like their eyes were on her, waiting for her to eat and watch as her body magically blew up. But the sound of their conversing over some topic or another quickly eased away some of the fear. She timidly took her fork from the napkin beside the plate and poked it through one of the strawberries. When she finally placed it in her mouth, her tastebuds were desperately obliged for the nourishing contact.
Seeing both of them eating a well-balanced breakfast, Red's heart was graciously content. She gave a nod to Lorna. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Don't ever skip it, either of you," her voice firmly stated as she wagged her finger between the pair of them.
Chapter Text
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The vibration of her phone going off captivated Lorna's attention away from the car window. Her hand quickly pulled the device from her purse; she checked the ID before answering and felt her heart skip a few too many beats when she realized it was Franny and that she never returned home the previous night. "Shit, I'm a real idiot," she muttered quietly, angry with herself for not even calling her sister to let her know she was okay. The thought of Franny's waking up worried made her stomach twist with an intense queasiness. Angry with herself for most certainly causing a panic with her older sister, she made up her mind that she needed to stop at the bathroom first thing once they arrived at the school.
"Why didn't ya answer when I called you last night, Lorn? Where were you? Are you okay?" The questions frantically spilled from Franny's voice on the other line. She had spent the better part of the previous night dialing all the local hospitals after receiving Lorna's voicemail box a dozen times. So, finally having reached her sister, relief would be a bit of an understatement of how she had felt in that particular moment.
It wasn't difficult for Lorna to know how concerned the older woman was by the urgency in her tone. Her feet shifted against the ground; she let her eyes gaze out the windshield, revealing they were pulling into the school's parking lot. With a heavy heart, she took in a hefty breath and gradually released it. "I'm real sorry, Fran—I'm fine, I promise. I just, I decided to spend the night at Nicky's house and my phone died so I didn't know ya even called."
Franny sighed through the receiver. She wasn't entirely mad at the younger girl, more concerned than anything but refrained from delving further for the time being. "You should have just told me last night where ya were going instead of sneaking out. Look, I know ya got school soon so we'll talk about this more later. I love you, Lorn, just promise me you won't do some shit like this again?"
"Of course, I promise. I didn't meana upset you or nothin'," Lorna quickly answered.
The two said goodbye, seconds later, right in time for the car to be pulled to a stop in one of the parking spots. Lorna grabbed her bookbag from the floor, where it sat between her feet, and pushed open the passenger door once she had unfastened her seatbelt. Nicky had done the same after shutting off the car and the two quickly made their way inside of the school, thankful to get out of the cold, slushy, snow.
It was Nicky who decided to take the lead to their lockers, which had since been placed right beside each other once she had reenrolled a few weeks prior. She was grateful for that as it meant she could keep a closer eye on her girlfriend. After hearing about the toilet incident, Nicky trusted none of their high school peers around either of them but even more so around Lorna. She grabbed her books from her own and then turned to wait for the younger teen to retrieve hers.
Lorna took out her books for the morning classes, however, after shutting the locker door she turned the opposite direction of where their classes were located. The decision to stop at the bathroom had already been made long before the two girls entered inside of the school. Guilt tore through her—not just over the food she consumed but at the fact that she knowingly caused her older sister a night of worry. She had to be punished for both of those things, she deemed.
"Where ya going, kid? Isn't your class right across the hall from mine? And that's down this way," Nicky stated, pointing her finger in the other direction than from where she noticed her girlfriend was headed.
Concern hadn't gone unnoticed by the brunette; she heard it clearly in her voice and once again the guilt she already felt intensified heavily. Nothing was worse to her than being the culprit of other people's worries. A puff of air pushed out from her lungs. "I just needa run to the bathroom real quick, hon. I'll catch ya at lunch," was her quick response. The worried gleam that soaked through her girlfriend's eyes caused a faint constriction in her chest and she turned back the other way, needing to make it to the restroom before any more of her body was dissolved in guilt.
The second she entered inside of the bathroom, a sense of calmness overcame her. As if she had returned back to a home where both her mother and brother were safely awaiting her arrival. Where her father was a decent human being who didn't use alcohol to numb out every last sense he had. A place where food wasn't her worst enemy. She shrugged away the dream and let her eyes search the room before feeling safe enough to enter one of the stalls. Nobody was in there aside from herself, to which she was grateful for.
Clicking the door locked, Lorna walked towards the toilet and kneeled on the floor in front of it. The sight instantly stiffened her body. She swallowed roughly, realizing that the last time she hovered over one of these was the day Annalisa shoved her head in it. Such memory caused her heart to clench; she squeezed her eyes shut for a few moments before gathering the strength she needed to repossess her beloved toothbrush from her handbag.
Having the toothbrush in her hands had instantly soothed away the panicky sensation that started to form. Her eyes focused on the little white hairs of the brush part, she let her thumb stroke through it. There were stains on it, she noticed, from previous purging episodes more than likely. She released her motion and brought it up to her mouth, sticking the brush back until she felt it hit her gag reflex. No sooner she did that, heaving rather quickly followed suit and before long, all of her stomach contents emptied into the toilet in front of her. She repeated the task several more times until all that splashed into the water was her own bile.
Once she cleaned herself off and flushed away the evidence of her secretive behavior, she unlocked the stall and walked over to the sink to rinse off her face. Her reflection in the mirror portrayed her puffy cheeks along with almost black colored circles underneath her physically exhausted brown eyes. The sight sickened her; she splashed hot water over her face but that did nothing to change its appearance. She sighed, reaching for her purse and setting it atop the counter so that she could rummage through it for some concealer.
It didn't take too long for Lorna to finally find it, she took it out and put a dab of the liquid foundation underneath each of her eyes. Her thumb blended it in to cover up the bags; she glanced back in the mirror and felt somewhat relieved to see that they were much less noticeable now. She didn't need anyone seeing those and interrogating her on whether or not she was properly caring for herself.
Fairly tolerable with her appearance, Lorna decided it was finally safe enough to leave the bathroom. And when she did, she nearly jolted to see Nicky's hovering right outside the door of it. Her cheeks flushed a bright pink while her eyes averted to the tiled floor. "Oh, hey, Nicky—what're you doing out here? Thought ya woulda headed to class already," she tried to keep her voice from trembling, yet, she had no idea if the older girl had heard any of the retching from out there or not. She really hoped it was the latter; the thought of someone so close to her finding out about her little secret formed a dull ache in her chest.
Nicky stared intensely into the younger teen's eyes, holding the gaze for several long moments. She tried to read her face, tried to figure out what she was feeling but came up empty. With a sigh, she reached a hand in front of her to rest on Lorna's cheek. Her thumb caressed delicately around its flesh. "I just wanna make sure you're okay, kid. I'm still worried about ya—I mean after the last time ya were in the bathroom alone, I just don't want anything to happen to you. Are ya good, doll?"
The genuine concern had Lorna's breath hitch in her throat. She didn't deserve that kind of kindness, not when she was constantly hiding so much from her. A sigh came out and she pushed the contradicting feelings aside for a moment, pursing her lips in an affectionate smile. She wrapped an arm softly around Nicky's shoulder, squeezing her in a warm embrace. "I'm good, hon. You don't have to worry. I love you," her voice murmured lovingly into the taller teen's ear.
"I love you too, babe. Just please promise me if anyone's bullying you, you'll tell me, yeah?" The redhead inquired, desperation oozing from her big brown eyes. Her arms wrapped around Lorna's waist in an attempt to return the hug.
Lorna nodded, pressing a delicate kiss to her girlfriend's cheek. "I promise, Nicky."
The moment she entered into her science class later that morning, she was quickly pulled away to the school counselor's office. A grunt escaped her when she remembered that she was supposed to meet with Mrs. Mendoza that day. She gathered her things and grudgingly walked back through the door, down the hall towards her office. The last thing she wanted to do was talk about any more of that frustrating incident with another shrink—or rather shrink-like individual.
At least the office had a welcoming scent, she thought, as she walked inside of it. A cinnamon aroma filled the air and reminded her of the coffee drink she so severely favored. Lorna sat down in one of the chairs right across from Mrs. Mendoza's desk and let her eyes gaze at the middle-aged woman, who was busy typing up an email or something on the bulky computer in front of her. She felt another heaping breath of air ready to burst from her lungs. The recollection of her therapy session from the day before played through her mind and she desperately hoped that Dr. Washington hadn't been in contact with her school counselor. She loathed the idea of the two people conversing about her behind her back.
Not long passed before the older woman stopped typing and glanced up from her task to meet eyes with Lorna. A friendly smile melded onto her face. She shut off her computer screen, grabbing her tea that had been sitting on a coaster beside the bulky object and sipped it slowly. "How've you been? It's a been a few weeks since we last met, huh?"
Lorna sighed, crossing a leg over the other and switching the position of them every so often. No matter how hard she tried to be agitated or annoyed with the counselor, she couldn't be. There was something rather calming about Mrs. Mendoza, whether it was her voice or her demeanor in general. It made any frustration dissipate just as quickly as it came. "I'm fine. Don't know why I'm here…I mean I guess I do, my grades must still suck. Do they? I haven't paid much attention to them since the last time I came to your office," she truthfully commented, letting her shoulders bounce up in a shrug.
"Right now, your grades are not the biggest concern I have with you," the Hispanic woman stated, allowing her caramel eyes to gaze intently across into the student's. After the news traveled of the toilet incident weeks prior, she worried tremendously for Lorna's well-being, however, hadn't had the chance to discuss the happenings with her any sooner. Now that the young teen sat before her, she studied her quite closely and felt a pang in her chest. It broke her heart when any of the young students even contemplated something as serious as suicide but to acknowledge that Lorna nearly carried it out, she knew she had to find a way to reach and help her. Because, by the looks of things, her parents hadn't exactly seemed too invested in her life.
"What's that s'posed to mean?" The brunette folded her arms defensively over her chest. She averted her eyes away from the woman, glancing out the window and being mesmerized by the falling of the snow.
Mrs. Mendoza observed her with a firm stare. Since the last time Lorna was sitting in her office, it was easily noticeable that the teen had lost a rather significant amount of weight. She sighed and sipped her tea. Being a high school counselor wasn't always easy, she distinguished, no matter how much energy she put into it, she knew the chances of successfully reaching all of the students were against her. Yet, she vowed that Lorna would be different—she couldn't allow her to dwindle down a detrimental path. Something about the young brunette brought a maternal protectiveness over her.
"Well, didn't something happen since the last time we met? Let's discuss that, Lorna."
The brunette swallowed thickly, keeping her eyes out the window. Snow covered the ground like a blanket. The cars in the parking lot all had that same snow piled on top of them, making them all look like blobs of white slush. She was sick of hearing others bring up the damn toilet incident. Her teeth grit together to keep down her frustration. "Nothing happened. I just want to leave so I can go back to class. I have to pay attention so I can pass it—I don't need Mrs. Bell calling my dad because I'm failing."
"Lorna, right now your grade is the least important thing. Mrs. Bell knows you're here and isn't going to dock you for anything, okay? Please don't worry about your grades now," the counselor calmly informed her, trying to keep her emotions from spilling into her voice. She took a breath along with another sip of her tea before continuing to talk. "We need to discuss the incident from a few weeks ago. Suicide is not something we take lightly here."
"I did not try to commit suicide," Lorna responded deadpanned, tapping her fingers against the rim of Mrs. Mendoza's desk. She swallowed and let her eyes focus down on her lap. It was tiring having to hear that everyone in the school thought she was some suicidal little girl when really she was just the result of being bullied. She sighed, digging her nails into the jeans that covered her legs. The fault for that, however, was on her; she refused to admit that she was bullied, the repercussions of that would only lead to more, she deemed.
Maternal instincts kicking in, the caramel-haired woman gently reached a hand over to place on Lorna's shoulder while peering strongly into her eyes. "Can you tell me what happened, then? Another student said they saw you put your head in the toilet and hold it there for quite a while. I just, I don't know why anyone would lie about something so serious, honey. But, please, if that's not what happened please tell me the truth."
It proved to be a challenge for Lorna to refrain from saying anything on the matter. There was something about Mrs. Mendoza that made her believe that the woman truly cared and wanted to help her. Her calming, motherly demeanor, easily encouraged her to go on and explain what really happened that day. "The girl who told everyone I tried to drown myself would do exactly that because she-she hates me. I-I didn't think she was going to make me look like a mental person like she did. I was hoping everyone woulda just assumed I fainted again because they think I'm the fainter who gets out of class," she murmured, her voice gradually getting quieter with each word she spoke.
"Who is this girl? What actually happened, Lorna?"
Shifting her legs unnervingly, Lorna bit down on the side of her mouth. "She didn't watch me try to kill myself—she, she was the one who, uh, who kinda held my head in the water," her eyes gazed down on the floor, she silently counted the dots of the tile; it was the only thing she could do in that moment to soothe herself.
Mrs. Mendoza instantly felt her heart cracking at the teen's heartrending revelation. Her eyes softened enormously as they peered firmly into Lorna's. "Honey, what's the name of this girl who did this to ya? Tell me please; we can't allow behavior like that to continue." Though there was a noticeable sternness on her face, she kept her voice soft, not wanting the young girl to feel even remotely intimidated.
"I don't wanna say. I-I don't want anyone to get in trouble because a me," Lorna mumbled, shame quickly molding onto her face. She kept her head hung down, not wanting to see the anger in her counselor's eyes. It was her own fault the incident happened anyway if she hadn't have chosen to go to the bathroom that morning, Annalisa wouldn't have been tempted to harm her.
The shame on her face caused the pang in the older woman's chest to deepen. She shook her head sadly, letting her hand pat softly against Lorna's shoulder. "You will not be the reason anyone gets in trouble—the girl who hurt you is her own reason for getting in trouble, okay? I just need you to give me her name. Can you do that for me, Lorna? If you're worried she's gonna know it's you, she won't. I'll keep it anonymous, I promise."
Lorna sucked in a breath, mentally debating with herself on what to respond with. A lump sat in her throat and she felt her heart-rate climbing rapidly. Keeping everything inside surely wasn't benefiting her, yet, the thought of letting any of that out only caused more guilt to consume her. It was a lose-lose situation no matter how she thought about it. "But why does it even matter? I mean it's been weeks anyway, who cares if some other girl actually tried to drown me? The principal probably won't believe it anyway and ask me why I waited so long to say anything," her voice progressively grew quieter.
"It does matter; our school has a strict no bullying policy. And what that student did to ya would qualify as attempted murder, honestly. Lorna, I'll be the one discussing with the principal what happened and I promise you something will be done about this girl. But, please, I need you to give me her name."
Squeezing her eyes shut, Lorna lifted her hands to lay against her temples and massaged them in a rather violent manner. She swallowed a lump in her throat and felt a grunt make its way out from her esophagus. "What's gonna happen if I give ya her name? I don't want no one gettin' in trouble cause a me," she asked, brown eyes peering skeptically across the desk into those of the counselor's.
Mrs. Mendoza observed the young brunette closely, there was a twinge felt in her chest for her. She finished the rest of her tea and folded her hands in her lap. "You don't need to worry about that, Lorna. That is for me to handle. Please give me her name. I promise no one will know you told me. But I really need you to tell me it."
Don't say it. Don't you dare say her name Lorna. The words repeated quite loudly through her mind. She tried to drown them out but they only grew louder. A frustrated sigh escaped her. Even her inner-self wanted to continue to watch her slowly suffer the realization dawned on her. She swallowed thickly while timidly peering back over at the middle-aged woman. It wasn't hard for her to take notice of the sincerity sitting on her face. Yet, even with such an observation, the voice in her head contradicted what was asked of her. Even as she yearned to give the name of her bully finally.
Lorna went to open her mouth. Do not say her name. Her inner voice persisted and an irritated grunt came out instead of the name she so desperately desired to inform the counselor of. She focused her eyes on the palms of her hands that she rested on her thighs. You don't need any help. You deserve everything Annalisa dishes out. The thoughts clogged up her mind, she found herself instinctively nodding along. Of course she deserved to be bullied by the blonde teen; she was fat and ugly and probably the reason her own mother had gotten cancer in the first place, she silently affirmed.
"No, I was wrong. I-I think I did try to drown myself, but not on purpose. I just…I don't—I—"
"Yeah, no, I'm not believing that for even a second, Lorna. Why are ya so adamant on not telling me the girl's name that you'd even try to convince me and yourself that you tried to commit suicide when ya know in your heart you didn't? Are you that scared of this girl that you are willing to let her get away with harming you?"
"I just don't see what the big deal is. Who cares? I wish I didn't say anything about it. This is real stupid and I don't know why I have to be here. I hate it—I hate this," Lorna threw up her hands out of anger. It felt like her body was being eaten alive by the sheer intensity of rage and frustration she unveiled. The rage and frustration made her seem as though she'd been out of control. She strived for control, needed it, craved it. But in that moment—stuck in the school counselor's office—she had no clue how to obtain the control she so highly desired.
The anger hadn't gone unnoticed by Mrs. Mendoza. She watched with a sadness in her eyes. Clearly, the young girl was going through something that was much deeper than just dealing with a kid or two picking fun at her. "Shh," she gently hushed, watching her slight outburst in nothing but concern for her. It was easily apparent how hysterical the teen was getting and that broke her heart quite significantly. Her eyes gazed in sympathy at Lorna. "Shh. Calm down. Would ya like a hug, honey? You look really upset, maybe a hug might help some," her voice tenderly suggested.
Words weren't anything that Lorna could muster up the energy to form in that moment. On one hand she craved the warm embrace of another human being—especially from a woman who reminded her so much of her own mother—however, another part of her felt strongly that she deserved nothing good, even more so the comfort of a hug. There was a never ending battle between herself in her mind; she sighed from the exhaustion it endlessly caused her, both mentally and physically. She couldn't even reason with herself because she had also been the most stubborn person she knew.
"I just want to be an adult so I can be done with school and live on my own," she found herself responding with, much to her surprise. It came out almost as if it were an instinctive way to answer a question. Yet, the statement was an honest one, nonetheless. There was nothing she'd desired more than to be of age where she could make her own decisions. Where she wouldn't have to continue attending a petty high school full of immature students who found amusement in other's pain. Or where she could finally move out of her abusive father's house.
"I can understand why ya feel that way. The drama in high school can be very petty and childish. Some kids will find the dumbest reasons to pester another and it's just outrageous. But that's why I'm here. You can talk to me about whoever it is that is causing you so much grief that you are wishing your childhood away so soon. I can make sure something is done about it, okay?"
Lorna felt her heart slightly constrict. It was a simple request. A simple, easy, request. And she had the answer. She wanted to give the answer, she really did, but the part of her that was so unwaveringly self-destructive mentally contended with her to keep her mouth sealed. A breath of air exhaustively released from her lungs. She fidgeted with her hands in her lap as if that would do anything to make the situation any better. Her throat felt dry and raw when she swallowed and she realized then how dehydrated she was. She sighed, lifting her head enough to glance across at the brown-haired woman.
"Can I, uh, can I have a cup of water, please?" The query came rather timidly from her mouth. Guilt intensified after she asked that; what if there were miniscule traces of calories in the school's water? She swallowed uncomfortably at the questioning thought that just suddenly came to her mind. Since when had she cared about calories? Her face swiftly felt hot, she let her eyes focus back down on her thighs. She hadn't the first clue what was going on with herself anymore.
Mrs. Mendoza observed her with worried eyes of her own. There was clearly a mental battle seemingly going on in that poor girl's mind, she quietly pondered. With a nod of her head, she grabbed a dixie cup from the pile of them on the shelf below her desk and then took the pitcher of water she had sitting on the surface to the right of her computer screen, pouring a decent amount into the plastic cup. Gently, she reached over to hand it to Lorna. She gave her a sad smile. "It's gonna be okay, honey. Whatever it is you're going through, I promise it will get better."
Lorna gratefully took the cup and gulped down the refreshingly cold water. She felt it go all the way through her throat, the coldness quickly soothing away the raw sensation that previously had been there. As she peered back at the older woman, she shook her head at that comment. Everything would be okay? Not even close, her mind swirled with opposing thoughts. No matter what anyone said on the matter, nothing would ever be okay again. How could it? The mere thought of anything in her life being okay was ludicrous and impossible.
"How can you promise anything will get better when ya know nothing?"
"Because I know that even when we think it's totally impossible, everything will work out and things will be okay. But that's why it's also important to open up about things. How can anyone help you when you seem to keep it all hidden?" The woman pointed out, shoulders slightly moving upwards in a muted shrug.
It was a valid question, reasonable and logical. Yet, Lorna had not a logical or reasonable explanation to respond with. Sometimes she pondered whether she refused to open up to people out of fear or on some sick level because she enjoyed psychologically torturing herself. She placed the empty dixie cup on the top of Mrs. Mendoza's desk. A deep breath expelled. "I mean my sista makes me see a therapist now. But it's pointless just like this. I don't understand why I had to skip class to talk to you. What do you want me to say? I don't have anything. I'm so done with shrinks and counselors I just want to go to back to class."
"It must be exhausting," the Hispanic woman commented, eyeing the teen intently. She sat with her arms folded across her chest. "Keeping whatever it is that is bothering you inside all the time. It's tiring, isn't it? Does your best friend know? Anyone close to you?"
Exhausting was one way to describe what it had been like to be stuck inside her own mind, Lorna silently declared. No one knew what she'd been dealing with, especially not Nicky—Nicky was the last person she desired to know out of trepidation of burdening her. She refused to be the culprit of anyone's burden. And her redhead girlfriend, who she adored more than her own self, was the last person who deserved to be put in such a situation. However, that made keeping so much a secret from her one of the most draining tasks imaginable.
Her head nodded, as if her subconscious mind was trying to blatantly contradict what she was about to say. "I have no clue what you're talking about. I'm doing fine in life and nothing bad is going on. Everything is just perfect. My best friend doesn't need to know a damn thing because there's nothing fucking wrong," Lorna's voice rapidly grew louder, bolder. Anger easily oozing out as she spoke.
"Lorna, you may believe what you're saying is true but I certainly don't. And clearly neither does your sister since she sees fit that you meet with a therapist outside of school as well."
"Yeah, well, the only reason I'm seeing the fucking shrink is because this stupid school thinks I'm a damn suicidal psycho," Lorna threw back, the words bitter and leaving a sour taste in her mouth.
Mrs. Mendoza cleared her throat slightly louder than normal. She tapped a hand against the wood of her desk and gave a stern stare towards the brunette. "No one here thinks you're a suicidal psycho, Lorna. But the incident that took place here has everyone worried. And if you're not able to give me the name of the girl who actually caused that to happen, how can I properly help you? Do you want to be helped even?"
Finally, the petite teen thought, a question she could give a truthful answer for. "No, I don't need or want help. I never fucking asked to be in the first place," she stated, slamming her hands against the rim of the desk. Her feet pushed harshly against the floor, she forced herself up and swiftly made her way out of the guidance office.
Chapter Text
Chapter Thirty
When lunch time had finally rolled around, Nicky happily filed out of the classroom in leu of her locker. As she made her way towards it, she hoped that Lorna would secretly be there switching out her books already. After the earlier interaction the worry she felt towards her girlfriend had only intensified each passing moment. There was obviously something going on with the girl and she knew she had to get to the bottom of it. Whatever it was that Lorna was dealing with, it wasn't something that was going away.
However, the second she arrived where their lockers were located and caught sight of the petite brunette, her heart instantly shattered inside of her. The trembling of her legs and faded tear marks on her cheeks informed Nicky that she definitely wasn't okay. Automatically, without even a thought, her arms enveloped protectively around the younger girl's unwaveringly quivering body. She carefully led the pair of them down the hall towards the restroom so that she could comfort her without any prying eyes.
Safely in the biggest stall with the door locked, Nicky situated herself on the tiled floor with the brunette resting against her. She ignored the fact that there most certainly were thousands of germs surrounding them as they sat there on the ground of their high school bathroom. In the grand scheme of things, that fact didn't really matter to her. What mattered was finally getting Lorna to open up to her about whatever she had clearly been hiding for the past several months. It was blatantly only worsening her mental state Nicky easily recognized.
Being in such close proximity to the toilet had the brunette craving heavily to go and heave over it. Of course, with her girlfriend's arms around her—and generally, just being in the same room as her—she knew giving in to the yearning sensation was not a plausible option. She had to refrain from acting on such an urge, which proved to be a real challenge in that moment. Each of her emotions came flooding to the surface all at once. That only made the urge to vomit even more intense.
Her eyes averted slowly up at Nicky; she quickly took note of the pure worry that came oozing from her big brown eyes. The sight caused a constriction in her chest. Gently, she reached a thumb up and placed it on her cheek, stroking it in a circular motion. "What's wrong, hon?" She softly questioned, not once looking away from the other's eyes.
Nicky cupped her hand warmly around the delicate thumb that rested over her cheek. Even when it was so obvious to her that something was tearing at the younger girl, Lorna still had the energy to put the concern onto Nicky and that alone was enough to swell her heart up. She brushed her lips tenderly atop Lorna's forehead. "I'm worried about you, Lorna. I want you to tell me what's wrong. And I mean really, I know something's not right," her voice firmly responded, though her fingers softly brushed along the flesh of the thumb they covered over.
Lorna opened her mouth briefly but then shut it. She wasn't sure what to say. Her eyes deterred slightly towards the toilet—looking at it longingly, that was the one indisputable way she knew how to soothe away all the distress that overpowered her. A big breath of air huffed out of her at the realization that she truly had no idea how to escape the deep hole she dug herself into. She had no clue how to keep Nicky from worrying and knowing at the same time. How to stop herself from feeling guilty either way she thought about things. She acknowledged that no matter whether she kept up the lie or gave in and told the truth, the culpability would always be there. It would be the demise of her, she confirmed.
The silence only tightened the sensation in Nicky's chest. It made the worry and concern for her girlfriend strengthen tremendously. She wanted nothing more than for the younger teen to finally feel safe enough to open up to her. "Please talk to me. I know something's the matter, kid, I saw ya shaking as soon as I came to our lockers. And don't give me the 'I was freezing excuse' again because I'm not buying that. I want to help you, but if ya don't open up to me, I can't. Please," she nearly begged, an urgency easily noticeable with each word that came out.
"It's nothing serious. And I don't need or want any help, really. I'm not asking for help. I'm fine, everything is fine." She merely felt like a robot repeating what she had previously said to Mrs. Mendoza when she sat in her office only an hour earlier.
Shaking her head out of frustration, Nicky sighed while wrapping her arms tighter around her girlfriend's waist. "You're lying to yourself and that's only hurting you more, kid. You may not want help or to ask for it but that doesn't mean you don't need help. No, nothing is fine with you. You are not and have not been okay since probably before we even started talking. Just because you hide it doesn't mean it magically doesn't exist anymore. Please just talk to me. Tell me what the hell is going on, yeah? I can't keep sitting back and letting you suffer through whatever it is you are."
A hand covering over her left temple, Lorna let out an exasperated sigh. Her eyes closed for a moment. A silent battle took place in her mind as she pondered over what to do. Keeping up the façade was draining all of her energy quite rapidly. Telling Nicky what was going on with her, however, was another story. The strain and burden it could likely cause her was enough to halt her from doing so. Silently suffering was much more appealing than to ever see her Nicky stressed out. She refused to do that to her.
"Nicky, I don't want ya to worry. You don't have to. You don't need to stress over me or anything. I am fine. I just am failing every one of my classes and I'm stressing over that. But that's all that's going on. My dad's not happy, my teachers aren't happy and I am just fucking dandy," Lorna called out, knowing full well none of what she stated was even remotely honest. But at least her grades were actually close to failing. Knowing that part, the guilt wasn't completely overwhelming as it usually had been.
"Too late, doll, I'm already worried. You are not fine, stop saying that. That is a lie and you know it. I'm not trying to yell but I am getting frustrated at the fact that you keep holding everything in when it's so damn obvious something is fucking wrong. Why can't you just talk to me about it? I mean I'm your girlfriend, for damn sake, I love you and want to be here for you. How many times do I have to tell ya that? Do you-do you enjoy suffering? I'm being serious, Lorna, do you enjoy continuously making yourself suffer by not opening up to anyone? Is that why you won't talk?"
Before Lorna even had a chance to muster up a response, the sound of the door to the bathroom swinging open interjected their conversation. She swallowed uncomfortably, silently wishing whoever was on the other side of the stall wasn't Annalisa. Her heart immediately began pounding in her chest. The thumping was so loud she could hardly hear her thoughts. It sounded like it was coming over the loudspeaker, she slightly turned her head to peak at Nicky; she hoped the older girl couldn't hear it.
Nicky returned her gaze and instantly felt her heart drop. She took Lorna's face in her hands, brushing the tips of her fingers delicately along the flesh of her cheeks. "Tell me what's going on, please. It hurts me to see you hurting," she softly pleaded. What she commented was just the truth, seeing Lorna in deliberate pain hurt her more than anything else. She wanted to take all of it away from her. Yet, she knew that was only wishful thinking.
"I'm sorry," the brunette whispered, carefully forcing herself out of Nicky's embrace and standing in front of the locked stall door. Mentally contemplating whether or not to exit it. She loathed herself for not allowing Nicky in. There was a big part of her that felt sick and emotionally fatigued from being so secretive with her. However, the part of her that held onto the guilt was much stronger.
Not wanting Lorna to walk away like she always seemed to when anyone tried to get through to her, Nicky stood up as well and placed a tender on her shoulder. "Don't leave, doll. Please, let me help. Why can't I be here for you?"
Knowing someone was lurking outside the stalls, Lorna hadn't felt safe taking their conversation any further. If the person happened to be Annalisa, she wasn't willingly going to give her anymore reason to bully her. She unlatched the lock, grabbed onto Nicky's arm, and pulled her carefully along as she exited the stall. Her eyes begrudgingly landed on the very blonde she hoped she wouldn't see and instantly felt herself tense up. Maybe she wouldn't notice them.
Blue eyes peering at them through their reflection in the mirror in front of where she stood washing her hands, a smirk molded to her face. "Ah, little Morello, you're a dyke now? Were you and Nichols having sex in that stall? Or maybe she wanted to watch you drown yourself?"
Fury tore through Nicky's body like a tornado. She balled her hands into fists, glaring darkly at the blonde teen. "You're a piece of shit, you know that? You think it's funny to joke about that? How about I rearrange your face?" Her questions spilled out in a fit of anger. She couldn't comprehend how anyone could ever want to harm someone as loving and kind as Lorna. The girl who only ever showed her genuine care and affection.
Annalisa shut off the water and turned to properly glare back. The smirk on her face not faltering even a millimeter. Nothing brought her more satisfaction than watching Lorna squirm in misery. And knowing how much Nicky meant to her, she could only imagine the amount of pain it would cause the brunette if she'd done something to Nicky. "Hmm, I guess you're right. Maybe I shouldn't joke about that, huh?" She shrugged her shoulders and walked past them, but not without letting a finger brush against the redhead's arm. The look on Lorna's face was enough to make her chuckle. She waved enthusiastically at the two before finally leaving the bathroom.
Thankful for the blonde's departure, Nicky felt the rage release from her body and she focused her eyes back on Lorna. Her heart aching tremendously at the condition she was in. An arm wrapped affectionately around her waist, she pressed a warm kiss atop her head. "It's okay, kid, I'm not gonna let that bitch pick on ya anymore. You're safe with me," her voice murmured softly against Lorna's ear.
School finally finished and the two teens left the building, hands intertwined, a word unspoken between them. They walked to Nicky's car, getting in their spots from the morning, and the older girl drove it out of the parking lot onto the freeway. She hadn't asked but ended up driving to Lorna's home instead of the apartment she'd been staying at with her sister. It was an autopilot decision she had made. When she pulled up to the curb in front of the house, she peeped her eyes over at Lorna.
With a hand placed over her chest, the brunette tried to keep herself from panicking. She wasn't expecting Nicky to drive them to her father's house. Shutting her eyes to calm herself somewhat, she quietly prayed that her father wasn't home. She hoped he'd gone to a bar or anywhere that wasn't there where Nicky could possibly find out about his abuse. That was the last thing she needed to happen that day. Everything seemed to be working against her, she wouldn't be surprised if the opposite of what she wanted was what took place instead. The universe was against her, she deemed.
They weren't even inside the house yet and the smell of alcohol was already noticeable. Lorna squeezed her eyes shut to brace herself for what was to come. Her hand timidly reached for the handle of the door, slowly turning it and forcing it open. The scent intensified. She swallowed a wad of saliva, mentally preparing herself for whatever was about to go down. Her eyes casually averted towards Nicky, easily taking note of the concerned expression that melded on her face. A lump formed in her throat. She silently prayed that nothing would happen. Nicky already worried too much for her, she loathed for there to be any more worry piled on. Her girlfriend was the sweetest person she'd ever met and seeing her so stressed over her petty self caused a guilty pang to sit in her chest.
Relief washed over Lorna as the two of them entered in the living room with no sign of Mr. Morello anywhere. Standing slightly behind her, Nicky eyed her suspiciously. It was blatant to her that something was undoubtedly amiss with the younger girl. The way her eyes frantically searched their surroundings and her legs very faintly trembled gave that away. She remained silent, despite her worry, and followed the brunette into the kitchen where she quickly got to work at preparing a pot of coffee.
While the coffee brewed, Lorna finally turned and focused her attention on Nicky. She swallowed a small lump that had been sitting in her throat. "I wasn't expecting you to drive us here," was her quiet comment as she took out two mugs from the cabinet above, placing them beside the coffee maker. Her hands reached casually for a couple packets of her preferred zero calorie sweetener which she emptied into the mug she claimed for herself.
"Yeah? How come, kid? I mean isn't this where ya live?" The redhead questioned shiftily, eyebrows arched over her eyes. Concern only intensified as she gazed warmly down into Lorna's brown eyes. She cradled a hand delicately around the bottom of her chin.
The coffee finished dripping into the pot, momentarily interjecting their conversation. Lorna grabbed it from underneath the machine and brought it over to pour into both ceramic cups. She handed one to Nicky, keeping the other for herself. "I mean that's true, I just got a bit surprised to see ya pull up in fronta my dad's house is all. I been spending the past few nights at Franny's and figured that's where we were headed, I guess." She spoke in a nonchalant manner between sips of coffee.
Hearing that continued to encourage the concerning sensation that loomed over Nicky. She knew long ago that there was something shady about Lorna's father. And, now, she just hoped to finally get to the bottom of whatever it was. Her eyes peered piercingly ahead into the shorter woman's as she caressed the palm of her hand lovingly along the flesh of the chin it was cradling. "Is there a reason ya stay at your sister's place so much?" The question slipped out rather easily.
"I, uh, I like staying with Franny more. It's close to the coffee shop and—it's just nicer, ya know?" She shrugged her shoulders somewhat, sipping her coffee once more. The smell of alcohol wasn't strong like it normally was, yet, it was enough that she noticed and scrunched her nose uncomfortably. She sighed, walking over to the coffee maker and placing the pot into the sink to let it soak in warm, soapy, water.
"Hmph," Nicky huffed out, eyes glancing over her coffee mug directly into the shorter teen's. None of what she said seemed at all convincing to her. She folded her arms defensively over her chest and let out a dramatic breath. "Really, kid? Ya sure there's not another reason? I mean how come I've never met your dad before? I've been over here a couple times now and never once have ya introduced me to him. Why is that, Lorn?" An eyebrow raised worriedly over her right eye.
Their conversation was once again interrupted, that time by the sound of the front door opening in the living room and an obviously drunken Mr. Morello stomping about the floor. Lorna inwardly panicked; the palms of her hand became incessantly sweaty as she gripped tighter onto the handle of her coffee mug. She shifted her feet while returning her girlfriend's gaze. "Um, it's just—I guess I never really thought to introduce ya to him. He's nothing special, just my dad. He, um, he tends to drink a bit too much and it's embarrassing is all," she pointed out half truthfully.
"Your dad's a drunk, doll?" Nicky's voice and facial features instantly softened as she framed a hand tenderly around one of the smaller girl's cheeks. She peered intensely into her eyes, rapidly noting the pure fear that emanated from them. A thumb she brought up to lovingly tuck a strand of hair behind Lorna's ear.
"No, I mean, he drinks a lot but he's not a drunk…I guess maybe he's a drunk, I don't really know. I just never wanted anyone to find out because he—he isn't real nice when he's a drunk and it makes me feel bad for anyone else to see that," she stated, a lump molding in the pit of her stomach. She clutched onto her coffee mug and motioned for Nicky to follow her back through the living room and up the staircase to her bedroom.
The second they entered back into the living room, Lorna heard her father slam down a beer bottle roughly onto one of the coasters on the end table next to the recliner he was sitting on. Such a loud sound caused an instinctive jolt from her body. She didn't dare peek a glance at him, quietly but briskly pulled Nicky along towards the stairs. However, before they could fully make it up them, Mr. Morello turned his attention over at the pair and glared darkly at Lorna. A scowl molded onto his face.
"The fuck are ya doin'? And who the hell is this little friend a yours with you? I don't remember saying you could have any friends over," his speech slurred as he spoke, clearly showing how intoxicated he was. As if the glazed look in his eyes hadn't given anything away. He picked up the beer bottle from the coaster it sat on and chugged the rest of it down.
Without a second of thought, Nicky rapidly wrapped an arm around the shorter girl's shoulder in a protective manner. The way Mr. Morello was talking and acting made a knot sit in the pit of her stomach. Something clearly hadn't been right. She kept her mouth shut, even though she yearned to speak back to him out of protectiveness for her girlfriend, in order to not stir up any more emotions out of the man. Instead, she focused her eyes on Lorna. Watching her intently while letting a hand comb soothingly through her hair from the back.
Lorna swallowed a lump. It felt like everything was stacked up against her that day. Nothing was going her way. The universe was obviously out to get her, she grudgingly deemed. She didn't hesitate another moment, pulling carefully—yet desperately—on Nicky's arm and walked the rest of the way up the steps, not stopping until they got to her room. Once the both of them were inside, she hurriedly—practically in a hysteria—locked the door and sat down on the ground in front of it while pulling her knees up to her chest. She rested her head on the top of them, turning slightly to stare at Nicky. A sigh tumbled out through her larynx when she observed the apprehension that profoundly oozed from her big brown eyes.
The younger teen's actions only exaggerated the concern that had previously been brewing inside of Nicky. Her legs automatically crouched her body down against the ground right beside the brunette. She let an arm envelop soothingly around Lorna's waist, pulling her closer and brushing a warm kiss atop her head. "Are you okay?" The inquiry simply slipped from her mouth as her eyes peered affectionately down into blatantly panicked ones.
Her mind swirled with millions of thoughts it felt like. Nicky's question sounded muffled and far away as she tried to grasp onto reality. The events of the day appeared to mentally suffocate her. As if they formed an invisible wall around her, keeping her out of touch with anyone else in her presence. She opened and shut her mouth a couple of times, noticing how dry and raw it felt each time she swallowed. With a small sigh, she reached a hand over to place atop the redhead's. Her thumb softly caressed over each knuckle.
"I'm fine, hon. I just—I'm sorry ya had to see my dad like that. That's why I don't like to have ya over when he's home, he ain't a nice drunk."
"You have nothing to be sorry about, kid. It's you I'm worried about. You look so scared and timid, what's the matter? Is your dad—when he's drunk, does he—"
"Does he hurt me? Is that what you're askin'? No, Nicky, of course not. Never, he-he'd never do that." It was hard for even Lorna to believe her own lie. She didn't have the chance to add anything else from the sound of her father's stomping up the stairs growing nearer her bedroom. Only a matter of minutes passed by before the door was swung open and Lorna felt her body spring forward, landing face first against the hardwood floor.
It didn't take much for Lorna to see just how drunk her father was as he stammered into the bedroom. She instinctively grabbed a hold of Nicky's hand and pulled her up onto her bed. She sat on the edge of the mattress trying her best to shield her girlfriend from whatever Mr. Morello was about to do. The thought of his trying to harm Nicky brought an intense upsurge of queasiness over her. There was no way she'd ever allow her own father to lay a hand on the one person—other than her siblings—who showed her what it was like to be truly and utterly loved. Over her dead body would she, she angrily thought.
The scent of alcohol radiated quite potently from Mr. Morello's entire body. He towered angrily over his youngest daughter's petite frame, peering down at her with a fury lurking in his dark brown eyes. "You don't fuckin' walk away from me when I'm speaking to ya, you hear me little girl?" Saliva fell from his mouth and landed on Lorna's cheek, who grimaced at the unpleasant contact. The unconcealed terror that displayed on his daughter's face received no reaction from him. Instead, he smacked his hand roughly against the cheek his saliva had fell upon only seconds earlier.
Rage boiled in Nicky's veins. Acting on impulse, she jumped up from underneath the Italian girl and turned to glare menacingly up at the man who, unfortunately, fathered her beloved girlfriend. It wasn't an entirely shocking revelation that Mr. Morello was an abusive drunk—she had a gut sensation early on that something was wrong. And, now, she had all the confirmation she needed to know that Lorna was in danger. Her arms quickly wrapped around the petite girl's tremoring frame, eyes never once faltering from their fixed gaze on the man who stood above them.
"Don't touch her," she hissed, letting her arms pull Lorna closer to her body. Desperately trying to shield her from the man who she now deemed evil and vile. Her eyes glared daggers over at the intoxicated Italian father of her beloved girlfriend. To have seen anyone—especially a parent—lay a harmful hand on someone as kind and caring as Lorna, oh did that easily form a fire in her chest. How anyone could ever even think to hurt Lorna made her sick inside.
"Excuse you? Who the fuck do ya think you are? I'm Lorna's father and therefore I have the right to do whatever I so please with her. You can get the fuck outta my house, little bitch," Mr. Morello hurled back at the unfamiliar teen who had her arms around his daughter. The sight shocked him but then his eyes darkened a shade. Had that redhead snot turned his little girl into a damn dyke? The question whirled through his already spinning mind.
The small brunette quickly interjected, bouncing up from her girlfriend's arms to shove at her father. Nothing infuriated her more than hearing someone talk so menacingly towards her sweet Nicky. "Yeah you're my dad, which means you can insult and yell at me all ya want but don't ever call my girlfriend such cruel names like bitch. Ya don't even know her and-and ya have no right to be so mean to her," Lorna shrieked; rage-filled tears lined the bottom of her eyes, threatening to spill out at any moment.
Joe instantly saw red and grabbed Lorna harshly from the bed, body slamming her against the cold wooden floorboards. He let his other hand forcefully come in contact with her cheek again. Not only fuming to know that his daughter was, indeed, in a homosexual relationship but also disappointed and ashamed of such choices she had made. He dug his nails gruffly into the flesh and peered fiercely into her eyes. "Your girlfriend? This little fucker is your girlfriend, huh? Ya mean to tell me I have a dyke for a daughter?"
"Stop calling her names," the brunette exasperatedly cried out.
It didn't matter that she was slightly lying on her own bedroom floor in pain. What truly mattered most to her was making sure her father hadn't tried to physically attack her girlfriend. She tried to push herself back up but felt her father's fist come in contact with her abdomen. The sharpness of the pain caused a high-pitched yelp to escape from her throat, however, she gripped onto the side of her bed to help pull herself up from the ground.
Nicky operated on compulsion, snaking her arms snug around Lorna's body and scooping her up so that she was able to quickly frisk her way out of the room and back down the stairway towards the front door of the house. There were noticeable footsteps following closely behind, however, she continued on the path without hesitation until she pushed open the door and ran towards her car. She opened the passenger side door, carefully situating Lorna in the seat, and then hurriedly made her way to the driver's side to start the vehicle.
With the car safely locked, Nicky took a moment to catch her breath. Her eyes averted over at Lorna and she felt her heart catch in her throat. She cautiously reached a hand over to cover lovingly atop the brunette's. Thumb stroked tenderly over pale knuckles. There was faint yelling coming from the porch of the Morello house, but she kept her focus on the clearly distraught girl beside her. She swallowed thickly, continuing the soothing motion on her hand.
"Lorna," her voice softly called out. Empathy displayed on her face as she peered her over with a searing intensity. After all that just took place, she couldn't help but wonder how long that had been going on for. How long had her girlfriend been dealing with a drunken father—how often had she had to put up with his intoxicated insults and physical violence.
The younger girl gradually turned her head to return Nicky's gaze. Anguish that emanated from her face had Lorna lift a hand to cup around a soft cheek. "I'm okay, hon. I'm so sorry ya had to see that," she murmured, brushing her fingers lightly along the outline of Nicky's jaw.
Nicky shook her head. She placed her other hand over the one cradled against her cheek and gave a sad stare into her girlfriend's brown eyes. "You aren't the one who needs to be sorry, doll. It's your asshat of a father who should be fucking begging you for your forgiveness. What he did to ya was absolutely disgusting. No real father would ever physically hurt their own child," she commented, anger quickly overpowering her words. The memory alone was enough to enrage her but saying it aloud—oh, it made her long to smash whatever she could get her hands on. All she could do to keep herself from exploding was to grit her teeth tightly together. She couldn't risk upsetting Lorna any more than she certainly already was.
"It doesn't matter what he did to me, Nicky. I'm mad at him for tryna come after you—you, you're like my angel and he-he called ya such evil names. I wish I could kill him for that. You're the one person who, who really cares about me—the one person who loves me in a way no one else has ever before and-and for my dad to berate ya like he did, I just—I want to stab him over and over with a knife."
Nicky's heart quickly turned into a puddle of mush inside of her. Even when everything was going wrong and all the cards appeared to be stacked so heavily against Lorna, she never failed to be the naturally affectionate, caring person she was. And that always caused a warm, tingly, chill to course through her spine. Her eyes glazed slightly over as they held their gaze on the brunette's face. "You don't have to worry about me, baby, I'm fine and I'd fight him off if he tried anything," she softly assured her. "You matter to me, Lorna, so what he fucking did to ya does matter. I just don't understand how any person could have a reason to hurt you. I'm so beyond pissed I can't even think of a word for it. I just want your dad to cease to exist right now. And if you think I'm letting ya go back into that house tonight—or ever—you better wipe that thought away. No chance in hell."
However, with the two teens hyper focused on their conversation, neither one realized Mr. Morello's presence outside until they heard the piercing sound of a gun going off not too far from the car.
Chapter 32
Notes:
Author's Note: I just want to thank whoever is still reading this story, it shocks me each time I see a new view (or hit, I guess) on this. I didn't think anyone was still out there reading any Lorna/Nicky stories since the show ended and their relationship was completely butchered. However, it does warm my soul to see someone out there is taking the time out of their day to read one of my stories. I'm determined to finish this story and hopefully go back and finish my other couple of unfinished stories, too. (And maybe even write a new multi chapter story after I finish all the current ones I have). Thank you whoever you are that is reading this story of mine, I highly appreciate you.
Chapter Text
Chapter Thirty-One
Immediately, the older teen threw her arms tightly around Lorna to shield her from any potential bullets that came flying in through any of the windows that surrounded them. Her eyes peeped out of the passenger side to see where the drunken man was but all she saw was a rather large puff of smoke clouding around the stoop of the front porch. She felt her arms shake from the intense trembling of her girlfriend's body and pulled her closer, allowing her head to be buried in the crook of her neck.
"It's okay, baby," her voice softly whispered while she combed her fingers soothingly through the dark waves of her hair. With the utmost tenderness, Nicky carefully leaned forward so that their foreheads rested against one another. She cradled a hand around one of Lorna's cheeks, wiping softly at the tears that soaked it and pressed a small kiss to the tip of her nose. "I've got you, my sweet Lorna. You're safe with me."
Dazed and a tad bit disoriented from the gunshot booming through her ears, Lorna timidly returned the older girl's embrace and gave a delicate peck to her cheek before—reluctantly—forcing herself out of her arms and pushing open the door on the right of her. She glanced out in front of her at the gathered cloud of smoke, using her hands to cup around her eyes as if that would somehow aide in her being able to see whatever had been mixed in with it. However, before she could set even a foot outside of the car, she felt her girlfriend's arm gently yank on her to halt her from moving any further.
The sensation quickly had her head turn back towards Nicky—whose face exhibited a severe amount of apprehension upon it. With a warm hand placed on her cheek, the younger girl caressed her thumb soothingly along the flesh of it. "I just—I gotta check to see if my dad's okay. I'm—I-I'm really sorry ya hadda see all this," she informed the other, though her voice faintly tremored.
Despite how faint the tremoring might have been, it certainly hadn't gone unnoticed by Nicky. And the fact that Mr. Morello had clearly been in possession of a gun, now, wasn't something that helped convince her that it would be a wise decision to allow Lorna out of the car alone. She found herself shaking her head rather profusely while tightening her arms around the other's waist. The thought of risking her girlfriend's safety left a sour taste in her mouth. That was something she'd absolutely refused to allow.
"Okay, first, I need ya to stop apologizing—none of this is any a your fault, kid. And second, there is no way in hell I'm letting you exit this car when your dad is running around with a damn gun in his hand. You don't need to worry about him at all. You need to worry about you. We need to get outta here before he tries to shoot us, yeah?"
Lorna swallowed uncomfortably, shifting her eyes back out the wide open passenger door. Smoke still gathered in the same spot as it had the last time she peeked out. She felt a constriction in her chest. Her thoughts raced inside her mind; either her father had shot himself or was shooting the ground to scare the two of them. Either way, it was becoming harder and harder to take in any air through her windpipe. She needed to get out of the car to be able to breathe again. Albeit Nicky's resistance, she carefully pulled herself out of the secure embrace and made herself walk out through the open door.
She stood with her back leaning vaguely against the car, letting the fresh air finally enter inside her mouth as she sharply inhaled. The smoke slightly clouded her vision as she cautiously walked nearer to investigate more closely. Her eyes quickly caught a glimpse of a black, shiny, object that lie amongst the moist grass. The closer she came to it, the more of said object she saw and soon realized it was the gun her father had used. A lump molded inside of her stomach as she slowly bent down to observe it on a more intimate level. Her eyes glanced around the area to see if Mr. Morello was anywhere nearby, the rate of her heartbeat raised significantly as she did so.
Nothing of the sort caught her attention. However, another person's presence could be felt by their breath on her back from behind. Out of fear that it might have been her father, Lorna's body instinctively jumped forward. Her breath heavy, she gradually turned around to face the person and was a tad bit relieved to see that it was only Nicky standing in front of her. She sighed and reached a hand up to run across her own forehead. The sensation of water dripping from her skin came as a surprise. She hadn't realized she was sweating; in fact, she hadn't thought it to be possible to sweat in such freezing temperatures.
Nicky tilted her head somewhat as her eyes peered worriedly ahead into the brunette's. A hand reached out in front of her and landed on Lorna's cheek, cradling around it in a tender manner. Their eyes locked together and she felt an overwhelming rush of protectiveness come over her. She curled a strand of dark hair behind her ear, observing her expression rather meticulously. It was raw, emotionless and emotional all at once. A deep breath made its way up from her lungs without any effort on her part.
"Come on, doll, let's get back in the car. It's not safe to be out here when your dad is acting the way he is. Let's go back to my car and I'll drive us somewhere safer and we'll figure out what to do, okay?"
Though it was obvious the older girl's words were nothing short of honest, Lorna hesitated at following her back to the car. Part of her needed to find where her father had gone off to. She swallowed a large amount of saliva and spun slowly around, letting her eyes span the surrounding area. There was no clear sign of Mr. Morello, yet, she still felt the need to locate him. Even if he had been an asshole to her and everyone else the past few years, she knew if something had happened to him she would never be able to forgive herself for fleeing.
The fact that Lorna seemed adamant on not leaving the unsafe environment caused the ache in Nicky's chest to deepen significantly. A sigh escaped her as she turned to follow the shorter teen. If Lorna was going to stay, she knew she had to as well. There was no chance she'd allow her to be alone with Mr. Morello after what she had witnessed go down only a short time ago. Her arm slid securely around the other's waist as she let her eyes scan the area for any signs of that vile man. Nothing caught her attention other than the gun that she only now noticed was in Lorna's hands.
Her mouth gaped open at the sight, she reached down to frame her hands on the younger one's face. Momentarily stopping them from walking any farther. "Put that down, kid," she cried out, not sure how she felt seeing it in her girlfriend's delicate hands. It looked so foreign—unnatural—for Lorna to be holding a gun. She swallowed uncomfortably, peering sternly ahead into her brown eyes. Brown eyes that she noticed seemed far away from her own all of a sudden.
Lorna fearfully shook her head, tightening her grip around the gun. Like hell she was going to put it back down just for her father to have the chance to find it and take control of it once more. Because, she realized, if he repossessed it then the next time he shot with it, he may just actually shoot one of them. And, sure, if it was herself he shot at, that wouldn't be much of a problem for her (in fact, that was something she would likely welcome if she had the choice)—however, had he shot at Nicky, that was something she wouldn't even risk happening.
"I don't want my dad to have this. He-he'll shoot again if I put it back and he finds it. I can't let that happen, Nicky."
"I get that, doll, I do," Nicky softly assured, caressing the back of her hand delicately against the flesh of the cheek it cradled around. "But if you're gonna hold onto it, then, will ya please come back to the car with me? I want to get us the hell outta here. You're hysterical right now and I just want to get us somewhere safe. Please, kid, please come with me. You can keep the gun, just let's go."
The desperation in her voice pulled heavily on Lorna's heartstrings, however, not enough to encourage her to give up on her quest to find her father. Maybe it was stupid of her to want to find him after all the abuse he'd dished out. Maybe she was completely insane for wanting to make sure he was alive, at the very least. However, none of those thoughts were enough to halt her either. She was likely all of those things because she certainly didn't want to find Mr. Morello dead on the grass in front of their own house. Having already lost her mother, she knew losing her father would deem her an orphan and that wasn't something she wanted. A selfish reason to not want her father dead, she realized, and that quickly formed a guilty pang in her chest.
"Lorna, you can't keep looking for him with the gun in your hand. Either ya keep the gun and come back to the car with me or ya put the gun down and I'll help ya find him," Nicky firmly informed her. Her eyes watched over her intently, she felt her breath hitch slightly in her throat. She wrapped an arm protectively around her waist, wanting nothing more than to whisk her away to safety.
Lorna felt herself come back to the present moment. She turned her head to return the gaze Nicky was giving her and sighed. It was probably a smart idea to head back to the car and drive as far away from there as possible, she thought. And, deep down, she wanted that more than anything. She wanted to get away from Mr. Morello as much as humanly possible. However, the reality was that no matter what—until she was an adult capable of making rational decisions—she would have to remain in the same house with him. That was why she tried so hard to keep Nicky from ever witnessing any of his bibulous rages like the one she had observed that very evening. Guilt overpowered her as she stood there, looking between her girlfriend and the fading smoke cloud. This wasn't supposed to happen. Nicky was never supposed to find about her dad. She squeezed her eyes tightly shut and swallowed thickly. Nothing made sense anymore.
Watching her attentively, Nicky traced her thumb ever-so-lightly along the outline of her face. It broke her heart enormously to see the sheer unease melded upon it. All she wanted was to take Lorna in her arms and carry her as far away from that house as she could. However, it was clear the brunette wasn't too keen on the idea of leaving. She sighed, moving a loose piece of hair from her eyes and pecking her lips warmly over the flesh of her cheek.
"What do you want to do, kid?" The query tenderly came out of her mouth as she continued to caress her thumb around Lorna's delicate skin.
A simple question, yet, no simple answer for it. Lorna opened and shut her mouth several times with no words escaping it. She swallowed a wad of saliva and averted her eyes down towards the ground. The bright shade of green that made up the grass beneath her mesmerized her for a few seconds as she tried to think of what to respond with. What she wanted to do was the opposite of what Nicky suggested. Though, she knew it was the safer option to do what the other girl thought they should.
Before she could respond, however, a familiar figure came into her peripheral vision. She swallowed and her legs suddenly stiffened. Her mind told her to run, yet, the stiffness prevented her from acting on that. The only part of her body that hadn't been stiff seemed to be her head. She turned it to look frantically back at Nicky. "Nicky, I-I can't move but, but I wanna leave. I wanna leave so bad," her voice shakily cried out.
Instantly, the redhead was right by her side with her arms encircling warmly around her. Scooping her up into a cradled position, Nicky hurriedly walked them in the direction of her car. She quickly—in a frantic frenzy—fastened Lorna back in her earlier spot and then ran to get in on the other side of the vehicle, repeating the same motions for herself. Once they were at a decent distance away from the Morello house, she turned to look Lorna over. A hand reached across to soothingly rest atop the other's.
"You okay, babe?" She spoke up once she deemed it safe enough to do so.
Lorna swallowed and moved her head slightly so that their eyes were facing the same direction. The cold metal of the gun pressed against the palm of her hand that she held it in. She sucked in a sharp breath when she remembered she still had the damn thing in her possession. There was a noticeable tightness in her throat that she tried to rid away by clearing it. To no avail. Instead, another breath inhaled and exhaled. Finally giving some relief to the tight sensation.
Gradually, she shifted her eyes back towards the taller girl. They took in every centimeter of her face and features, absorbing each emotion displayed upon it. Her heart dully ached in her chest; with a tender hand, she rested it softly on one of Nicky's cheeks. "I don't know what I am, hon. But I-I'm just glad he didn't shoot you or anything. Are we far enough away that he can't come for us?"
"It's okay, doll, it's okay. We're on the highway now, I don't think he'll be able to catch up to us—he was pretty intoxicated anyway so I doubt he could even figure out how to get in the car let alone drive it," Nicky pointed out, placing one of her hands delicately on top of Lorna's. "You can set the gun on the floor, yeah? We're safe now, kid. I promise. Where do you want to go? Ya want me to drive us to your sister's place?"
"Uh, yeah, I think it would be best to just go to my sista's. She, she's already upset over last night and I feel real bad about that. I-I just—this is gonna make her even more upset," the brunette answered in a rather muffled voice. Her eyes focused down on her hands that she had folded in her lap. Franny already held so much guilt for their abusive father's actions, so, to have to explain to her the most recent incident molded a lump in Lorna's gut. She rested her head down against the rim of the window and exhaled sharply. On a sick level, she wished her father's gun had come in contact with her. Maybe death would finally put a stop to all that she felt.
That was when she remembered the gun still lay cradled in her hands. No, she mentally talked herself out of any rash decisions, she couldn't give in to such a desire. Not with Nicky right there beside her. Absolutely not. The trauma and hurt an action like that would cause Nicky was enough to stop her from moving the gun anywhere near her upper body. Still, she kept a tight grip on it as her hands held it while lying upon her lap. She swallowed thickly, deterring her eyes between her girlfriend and the scenery passing by out the window.
The silence, that usually was comfortable, now seemed uneasy and highly out of place. Nicky shifted her eyes at every red light or stop sign over in the younger girl's direction. The expression on her face told her everything she needed to know. Lorna was not okay, not at all. She deterred her eyes down to the delicate hands that were sprawled out in her lap and felt the tightness in her chest rear its face once more when the gun laid between them. To see her girlfriend still holding that thing intensified the looming uneasiness that already took up the atmosphere in the car.
"You can put the gun on the floor now," she stated, taken slightly aback by the shakiness of her own voice. Her eyes grasped a faded panic as they held their gaze on the god-forsaken object. "Your dad is nowhere nearby anymore, baby, you don't need that gun. Please put it on the ground. It just—it makes me nervous seeing it in your hands."
Lorna effortlessly heard the trepidation in the redhead's voice. It broke her heart to know how upset the whole ordeal made her girlfriend feel—how anxious and agonized she, now, appeared to be. The guilt in her gut rose. She looked down at the gun and sighed. As much as she wanted to keep it there for easy access, she rather not continue to cause Nicky any more unneeded apprehension. She cautiously, timidly even, took it off of her lap and placed the gun on the floorboard beside her feet.
With both of her hands free now, she used one to place on top of Nicky's that was resting on the compartment between the two seats. "It's on the ground now, hon. I'm sorry, I didn't—I didn't mean to make ya worry. I just I don't know if my dad if—"
"Stop, I'm not mad at you. I just don't like seeing something that can kill you in your hands. It's okay, Lorna, we're almost at your sister's and as soon as we get there, we'll call the police. Everything will be okay," Nicky softly hushed, squeezing the hand that held hers tightly.
Coming from Nicky's mouth, the words were certainly genuine and nearly adequate to convince Lorna that such was possible. Yet, the part of her that held so tightly onto past experiences wouldn't fully allow her to believe that anything would ever be okay. How could it? When what she tried so hard to keep from anyone finding out blew up right in her face. She sighed, retained her previous position of her head resting against the rim of the window and said nothing further for the duration of the drive.
Blue eyes gazing apprehensively over the gun that her younger sister held up, Franny placed a hand over one of her temples and rubbed at it rather furiously. "So, let me get this straight—dad had that in his hands and was shooting it in the front yard? Did, did he hurt either a ya?" With her son already in bed for the night, she tried to keep her anger to a minimum. Getting herself worked up would only lead to yelling, she reminded herself. Yelling would wake up her son, which in turn meant she'd have to spend another two hours getting him back to sleep. That meant she had to do her hardest to not allow the rage to overpower her better judgement. A sigh escaped and she shook her head.
Lorna swallowed a sour taste, focusing her eyes back on the gun that she had repossessed once the two of them arrived at her sister's apartment only twenty minutes earlier. It felt both foreign and comforting holding the object in her hands. Because having it with her meant Mr. Morello had no control over such a potentially deadly weapon. She shifted her legs back and forth as she sat on the sofa between her older sister and Nicky. The two people who meant most her to her—the two women who showed her unconditional love. She sighed, glancing at the clock on the wall beside the television set. It was already past eight o'clock in the evening, she acknowledged.
"He didn't hurt us, Fran. I-I don't even know if he's okay. I saw him on the ground but I didn't check to see if he was alive or hurt, I didn't want him to take the gun and shoot Nicky or anything."
Shaking her head at the comment her girlfriend just shared, Nicky instinctively grabbed a hold of one of her hands and gave it a tender squeeze. She hadn't forgotten the image of Mr. Morello's shoving Lorna onto the floor of her bedroom right before the shooting incident. And, certainly, she wasn't about to allow Lorna to ignore that either. Her eyes shifted over towards the eldest woman. "Yeah, he didn't shoot at us or anything…but he did hurt Lorna. We were in her room and he fuck—freaking tackled her to the ground and slapped her a sure heck of a lot."
The older teen's admission instantly formed a guilty pang in the brunette's chest. If only she had just not ignored her father and answered when he questioned her, neither of them would be in the current predicament that they were. It was her own fault for upsetting him in the first place, she noted, she should have given an answer to his inquiry and maybe all of what happened could have been avoided. She felt her hand automatically grip tighter onto the gun that rested on her lap.
Nicky noticed the gesture and peered intensely into Lorna's brown eyes. "Why do ya still have that thing in your hand? Please put it anywhere that isn't in your reach," she pleaded, desperation clearly seeping through her voice.
The older brunette nodded in agreement with Nicky, holding out a hand so that her sister could give the item to her. Seeing something that had the potential to be highly dangerous in the hands of her blatantly naïve younger sister gave her an uneasy sensation. She wasn't sure if that was because she was just terrified from hearing about what almost happened or if she worried that Lorna might actually use that gun to harm herself. Either way, she agreed with her sister's girlfriend that the gun needed to be out of her grasp.
"Give it to me, Lorn. Now," Franny commanded firmly, waving her hand at the girl. She didn't budge until she felt the coldness of the metal hit the palm of her hands. Without a drop of hesitation, she hurriedly took and placed it in a secure area out of reach of both her toddler child and younger sister.
"I don't understand why the two a ya are getting all worked up about me holding the damn gun. It's not like I'd do anything with it," Lorna stated with the bouncing of her shoulders in a shrug.
She fixed her eyes down on her lap where her hands now lied—palm-faced up—empty. The sensation of emptiness made her feel tight in the chest. She swallowed thickly and glanced back between the other two. Her eyes squinted as she tried to piece together what the reason for their frantic worrying was. When it dawned on her, she shook her head abruptly. "What? Did ya think I was gonna try to shoot myself? Finish the job that everyone thinks I failed in the girl's bathroom at school?"
It was Franny who acted first, standing in front of the smaller brunette to halt her from running way. Something Lorna seemed to do way too much of, she noticed. She grabbed her firmly by the shoulders, yet in a way that wouldn't scare her off, and peered sternly down into her eyes. "I don't know what to think or believe about you, Lorn. You worry me, a lot. You won't talk to me about anything and I don't even know if you're opening up to your thera—"
"Can ya just keep your voice down? Isn't Marco asleep anyway? We shouldn't be talking about this right now," Lorna briskly interjected. The last thing she needed after everything else that happened was for Nicky to hear that she was meeting with a therapist—or in her eyes, a shrink. She knew that would only convince the redhead just how truly insane she certainly was.
Exasperation oozed from Franny's face. Her grip on the younger girl's shoulder slightly tightened. "When will it ever be a good time to talk about this? You will always find some kind of excuse to avoid talking, Lorna, and I'm just so exhausted having to fight ya on this," was her honest response. She sighed, removing her hands from Lorna's shoulders and, instead, wrapping her in a maternal embrace. Despite the mental fatigue her younger sister's avoidance had on her, she knew she had to push past that to help her. There was no way she'd lose Lorna, not when she already lost her mother and their father clearly chose alcohol over the two of them.
"But now is not good. Nicky's here, I don't want her to have to listen to us argue over nothing. It's, it ain't fair to her."
Franny shifted her eyes up at the ceiling for a moment and then reached a hand up to massage at her temples. "Argue over nothing? Lorna, this is not nothing. And you know what? Maybe it's good your friend is here so she can finally hear that you're not fucking okay like I'm sure ya keep telling her. You're pretending in front of everyone and it's obvious how much it's draining you—I mean look at ya, Lorn, you're not taking care of yourself. When's the last time ya—"
"Are you calling me fat, Franny?" The shorter brunette interrupted, pushing herself out of the embrace and folding her arms defensively over her chest. All the other words bypassed her comprehension and instead she found herself hyper focusing on the implication that Franny insinuated she was overweight. Rather lack thereof, however, her brain convinced her that not taking care of herself meant that the older woman assumed she was getting heavier.
"Fat? Lorna, what are ya talking about? I did not say anything about ya being fat, quite the opposite."
"So you think I'm fat then, huh?"
Franny furrowed a brow, placing her hands on her hips as she looked the younger girl over in concern. "No, Lorn, I don't think you are fat. I never even said the word fat. What the hell are ya thinkin'? I'm trying to talk to you about the fact ya keep pretending everything's fine, I don't know how the hell ya got fat outta that," she muttered, the frustration quickly growing.
The smaller brunette held up her hands and waved them profoundly in her face. "You just said I got fat. Well, if that's how ya feel Fran, I'll just fucking starve myself then." It was as if her mind liked to only process what it wanted Lorna to hear, even if the words weren't exactly spoken from her sister's mouth. She didn't wait for a response, moving forcefully past Franny and running down the hall to the guest room.
Taking her head in her hands, Franny inhaled a sharp breath and ran her fingers repetitively up and down her cheeks. Whatever was going on with her sister, she hoped the therapist would be able to get through to her about it. Watching her like this was beginning to pull on her own mental health, she rapidly noticed. And, having to also mother her toddler son, she knew she couldn't handle her clearly ill sister. A sigh puffed out of her at such a realization. That wasn't something she wanted to admit to—she loved her sister more than anything and detested that she wasn't enough to help her. That she wasn't enough to keep taking care of her.
Another sigh; she deterred her eyes from the hallway over towards Nicky. "I'm sorry you had to see us fight. And I'm sorry you had to see our drunk father be his stupid drunk self. Please forgive our shitty Morello genetics. Lorna's a good girl but she just—she's a lot to handle, she's stubborn and doesn't like to open up about anything."
The scene that played out only seconds earlier did nothing to ease any of Nicky's worry. However, to hear Franny apologize—much like Lorna did previously—she finally made sense of why her girlfriend always felt the need to be sorry for what she had no control over. "You don't have to be sorry for anything, really. I just—I had no idea how bad things were for Lorna. I know she's stubborn, most stubborn girl I've ever met but she's also the sweetest and I-I love her so much. And I really wish I would of known about all this sooner so I could have helped and maybe prev—"
"Prevented this? No, don't talk like that. Even if ya did know sooner, there's no way any of us woulda known if something like this woulda happened. You're a good kid, too, Nicky and I really am thankful my sista has someone like you. Just—I know she's a lot, but she means well. She always means well," Franny gently advised the other. It was only the truth, she knew, Lorna certainly was a lot to deal with but one of the most caring people out there, too.
Chapter Text
Chapter Thirty-Two
The room was dark, only lit up by the moon shining in through the window. Lorna lay on her stomach upon the mattress of the bed, chin resting on her arms that were sprawled out in front of her. Her eyes observed every inch of her body; a lump melded in her throat when she realized how much fat there truly seemed to be displayed on not only her abdomen but thighs and upper arms as well. She switched her position from lying on her stomach to lying on her back. A sigh came up through her windpipe. She cautiously pulled her t-shirt up, exposing the flesh of her abdominal region, and peered down at it in a meticulous fashion.
Her hand reached down to touch the skin, she cringed at the flabbiness of it. Had she really let herself go that much? It felt like there was so much fat that she couldn't distinguish if there were any bones beneath her skin. Tears quickly lined the bottom of her eyes. Such sensation immediately surprised her, she hadn't realized she had any tears to shed. Rage boiled in her veins. Everything seemed to be closing in on her—her father's abuse, her sister's concern, Nicky's frantic worrying. It all suffocated her.
Heavily enthralled in her mind, she hadn't noticed the sound of the door creaking open and footsteps making their way in her direction. Not until they came into her line of view did she acknowledge the presence of another person. She swallowed thickly at the sight of Nicky standing at the end of the bed, eyes peering at her with a slightly agape mouth. Brusquely, Lorna reached for the ends of her t-shirt and harshly pulled it back over her bare stomach. She grabbed the comforter from beneath her, unfolding it just enough so that she could lie herself under it.
Without a word, the older teen situated herself on the bed beside her girlfriend. She curled up on her left side so that her eyes were facing Lorna's. A hand she cautiously reached in front of her to frame lovingly around a porcelain cheek. "What, uh, what were ya doing, doll?" There was a faint apprehension hidden in her tone; she peered attentively into the doe brown eyes of her beloved, saddened to see the faded tear stains beneath them.
Lorna swallowed a gob of saliva, shifting her eyes away from Nicky's. Ashamed that the redhead had walked in on her while she was checking the skin of her stomach. Guilt quickly molded onto her face. No one should have the disfavor of seeing any bare part of her appalling body, she silently affirmed. "Nothing, hon. I just—I'm exhausted. I wanna go to sleep," she whispered, letting her hands rest atop her now clothed stomach beneath the blanket. And not wake up, she mentally added.
"Okay, kid. We can talk about everything in the morning, yeah?" Nicky brushed a strand of hair delicately behind her ear, leaning closer so that her lips could stroke against the flesh of her forehead. "Can I hold you?"
The brunette felt her stomach do a somersault at such a tender inquiry. It was simply a sweet gesture for Nicky to ask such a question, she thought. She deterred her eyes back up at the other and nodded her head. "I—I would really like that, hon. You mean so much to me," her voice murmured breathily against Nicky's mouth as she gradually inched closer once she felt her body being engulfed in her arms. The second the pair embraced, Lorna felt all negative emotions finally dissipate.
Her arms wrapped protectively around the younger girl's waist, Nicky used them to gently pull her closer to her own body. She cupped her hand around the back of Lorna's head and placed it onto her steadily beating chest with her hand still cradled around the back of it. Lorna always managed to fill her with such warmth even when it was so blatant she was the one struggling. She instinctively moved herself closer to the smaller teen—if that was even possible with how close the two already lain next to each other—and rested her forehead atop hers.
"You mean so much to me, too, Lorna," her voice soft and warm against her girlfriend's lips. Their eyes locked together; she studied Lorna's closely, trying to read what she was feeling. A loose strand of hair fell over the flesh of her forehead and Nicky used her thumb to gently push it way. "I will always be here to hold and cuddle you, kid. I hope ya know ya don't ever have to be afraid to ask me to, yeah?"
The soothing sensation of Nicky's chest rising and falling beneath her head easily had Lorna's eyes gradually drooping shut. Her embrace made her feel safe—gave her a sense of affection and love that no one else had the capability of providing her with in the way her girlfriend seemed to be able to. She nonchalantly snuggled closer to Nicky, draping one arm around her abdomen and the other around her face. "I love you," the three words she settled on responding with, and they were meant with all of her heart. Her lips lightly pressed against Nicky's for a soft, sweet peck. In her heart, she didn't fully believe that she would ever deserve the love and adoration that Nicky so clearly had for her. Yet, she was too physically fatigued to worry about that now. All she wanted was to fall asleep cuddled up with the girl her heart yearned for.
The next morning came all too quickly to both teens' dismay. They were awoken by the warm sensation of sunlight pouring through the window right onto both of their faces. A disheveled groan came grudgingly from Lorna's throat as she lifted her hands to cover her eyes from the brightness of the sun. She felt Nicky's chest still there underneath her head, which only added to the distaste she held at the fact that morning was already upon them.
As much as she hadn't want to get up, she finally forced herself out of the bed and made her way to her dresser to search for a pair of clothes to change into for the day. She glanced back over at Nicky, who sat up now while rubbing her eyes to keep the sun out of them and remembered that their sleepover hadn't technically been a planned one. Which, she realized, meant Nicky certainly didn't have a change of clothes to put on for school.
"Ya want me to pick ya out somethin' to wear, hon? I forgot we didn't really think about that yesterday when we came here."
Stretching her arms over her head as if the motion would magically rip the sleepiness out of her, Nicky returned the brunette's gaze with widened eyes. Of course, she had no spare change of clothes for school nor had she even called Red the previous evening to let her know her whereabouts. Guilt quickly came to the surface. The sensation of guilt, however, made her realize just how much she treasured Red's presence in her life because she knew if it were Marka or Les, she wouldn't have cared to not have called them to tell them she wouldn't be home.
Momentarily she put her focus back on Lorna and shrugged her shoulders slightly. The offer was sweet, warming her heart, but she had a sense that the brunette's clothing would most-likely not be her size. "Aw, that's okay, kid, I can just wear what I have on. But I appreciate the offer," she softly informed her, finally jumping off of the bed and walking over to where her girlfriend stood. Her arms enveloped softly around Lorna's petite frame, pulling her closer as an automatic response.
"Why? Ya think my clothes are too big for ya, huh?"
Even Lorna was taken aback by the tone of her voice. The question alone came as a shock to herself, she couldn't fathom what possessed her to ask that out loud. Her eyes shifted down to her legs and she suddenly felt an insecurity like never before. Why was she the she way she was? The thought abruptly popped into her mind. An honest thought, nonetheless, that she wished she had an answer for.
"No, no, course' not," Nicky quickly stated, worry instantly taking up residency on her face.
She tightened her hold on the shorter girl, using one hand to cradle around the tip of her chin. In fact, the reason she decided against taking her up on said offer was quite the opposite. As the two of them stood there, her eyes finally soaked in all of Lorna's frame and she became aware, just then, the weight that she had clearly lost in the small amount of time the two of them had known each other. It was no wonder why her girlfriend's sister had been so frantically worried about her. Something clearly was going on with her.
Removing herself from the embrace, Lorna stood a few feet away. Her arms folded warily over her chest as she peered darkly ahead into Nicky's eyes. The skeptic within her convinced her to believe that the other's words weren't sincere. What other reason was there for her to refuse a pair of her clothes? Clearly, it had to be because her clothes were too loose for Nicky's very shapely form. She deterred her eyes down, once more, on her abdomen and gut that seemed to protrude out even further than it usually had.
An uneasy breath of air erupted from her lungs as she moved her arms from her chest and instead covered her gut with them. Ashamed for anyone else to have the displeasure of seeing any part of her heavy body. She did, however, shift her eyes back onto Nicky's face and finally opened her mouth to respond, "Then how come ya don't wanna borrow anything? Do you, do ya think my clothes would make ya look big like me or somethin'?"
Lorna's behavior quickly caused an unnerving sensation to loom over Nicky. When had she become so enthralled in her weight and whether or not she was too heavy or not? The query ran through her mind. It left a bitter aftertaste in her mouth to ponder over. The way Lorna covered her hands over her stomach made a breath hitch in her throat. She didn't know what to make of any of what was happening.
"No, Lorna, I don't think that at all. I just I don't want to wear your clothes in case something happens to it, ya know? What if I spill coffee or jam on it? I'd feel bad if I accidentally stained it, that's all. But I mean if you really want me to borrow an outfit, I will. Just please calm down, yeah?"
Rapidly, the panic disintegrated and in its place a smile formed. Lorna chuckled at the comment. Of course, a more simple answer would make sense to explain why her girlfriend had been so hesitant on wearing any of her clothes. She felt stupid for reacting the way she had, like an idiot honestly. Maybe she was crazy, mentally crazy. "I'm sorry, hon. I guess I was a little irrational. It's okay, I don't care if ya stain them. Lemme see what I can find ya," she apologized before going back to look in her drawers for a spare outfit.
Nicky watched her in silence. Still feeling unnerved over the whole ordeal that just took place. It was getting clearer every passing second how truly not okay Lorna was. And the more she observed her, the more she noticed. The more she realized how much she hadn't been paying close enough attention to the other girl. Such an obvious sign would have been her deteriorating frame and yet, it took her until now to finally see that. Guilt sat in her chest in the form of a tight knot. She couldn't let whatever this was continue, she thought, she refused to sit and watch Lorna wither away to nothing.
Once the two teens were dressed in their day clothes, the shorter one led them into the kitchen where she eagerly grabbed two mugs from one of the cabinets. Coffee had already been brewed in the pot, Lorna gratefully observed, as she went to grab it from underneath the filter. She carried the vessel over to the mugs she had previously set on the countertop, pouring the dark liquid into each one. After replacing the pot back under the machine, she went back to fix her own coffee with the usual cream and Splenda while handing the plain cup to Nicky.
As she sipped the bold beverage, she suddenly took notice of her older sister's sitting at the island with her phone held against her ear. By the tone of her voice, Lorna quickly perked her ears to try and listen in. It was growing apparent that whoever was on the other line clearly irritated the older brunette by the scowling expression that melded on her face. She leaned slightly against the counter while watching the interaction with intense eyes.
Franny sat with her shoulder holding the phone against her ear as she fixed her gaze on the window on the other side of the room. For it still in the depths of winter, seeing the sun shining through in such a bright manner surprised her. She reached for her half-drunken cup of coffee and sipped it slowly, listening to the officer on the other line irritatingly informing her on the whereabouts of her father. Her head shook with each word that came out of the other person's mouth. She much rather have found out that Mr. Morello had died than to hear he was in the hospital with a failing liver. Obviously failing from all the damn alcohol he chugged down, she thought.
The second the call ended she slammed her phone harsher than she had intended against the top of the counter. Her noisily action earned her the attention of the younger girls, who she had only now acknowledged were in the kitchen with her. Both were staring at her with curved eyebrows; clearly peaked in interest to find out what the phone call was about, Franny mindfully affirmed. She exhaled deeply before reaching for her coffee and finishing it off.
"Who were ya talkin' to, Fran?" Lorna broke the silence, peering up from her mug of coffee that she held to her lips.
"Just one a the officers who brought dad to the hospital last night," she answered with the roll of her eyes. The last thing on her mind was Mr. Morello and how he was doing. Not after what he put Lorna and her closest friend through the prior evening. He could rot in that damn hospital, she angrily thought.
Taking a sip of her own coffee, Nicky mechanically wrapped an arm around the waist of her girlfriend. She let her lips brush softly against the flesh of her cheek, focusing her eyes on Franny just the same. Her interest was peaked at the topic of the phone call she seconds ago had ended. On a dark, twisted, note, she discretely hoped that Mr. Morello was lying in that bed in the most excruciating pain possible. After what she witnessed him do to Lorna, he deserved to hurt a million times worse than what he caused his own daughter.
Panic gradually set in as the younger brunette tapped the tips of her fingers against the ceramic of the cup cradled in her hands. Her eyes peered attentively across into Franny's blue ones. "Oh, uh, is dad—is he all right?"
Was their dad all right? The question repeated silently in Franny's head. Clearly he hadn't been all right in years since he deemed it acceptable to abuse his own children and chase his daughter and her friend around the front yard with a gun. However, knowing that response would only cause an uproar of emotions, she settled on shrugging her shoulders and answering with, "He ain't dead, so yeah he's fine."
The comment caused an uneasiness to come over her. Maybe their father wasn't dead, Lorna thought, but that hadn't completely convinced her that he was fine. She swallowed a lump and fixed her eyes back on the taller brunette. "But if he's in the hospital that means something is wrong. Did they say why he's there? Is dad hurt?"
"Lorn, hon, ya ain't gotta worry about dad right now. It doesn't matter how he is—he could have killed both you and Nicky yesterday, that's what I'm worried about. And I'm sure Nicky is too. Dad can rot in that damn hospital bed he's lying in—"
"Franny, he's still our dad. We can't just abandon him because he's a little mean sometimes," Lorna defensively interjected, walking over to the other side of the kitchen to distance herself enough so that she was able to take in a decent breath of air. Even though deep down it was more relieving than anything to know her father was trapped in the hospital, the guilt of such sensation made defending him an instinctive response to her older sister's words. Her mind deemed that any positive feeling she got from Mr. Morello's being in the hospital showed what a cruel shell of a human she was.
"A little mean sometimes? Lorna, dad's an abusive drunk. Don't sugarcoat things. I know you're only fucking defending him because your friend is here and god for-fucking-bid she knows anything negative going on in your life, right?"
The bitterness in Franny's tone came as a shock to Lorna, who shifted her feet back and forth to calm her racing mind. She brought a hand up to her head and ran it through her hair, slicking it back in the process. There certainly was some honesty to the words that Franny spoke. Nicky's finding out about their father's abuse was something she never wanted to happen. Having her know would only make it all that much harder, she mentally affirmed. A tightness formed in her chest while her hands gripped knuckle-paling-tightly onto her coffee mug.
"I—I have to get ready for school," she quickly muttered, finishing off the coffee and tossing the cup into the sink.
However, before Lorna had the chance to walk through the archway that led back out to the living room, Franny hovered in front of it and glared rather darkly at the younger girl. Exasperation morphing into an unrelenting frustration. "God, Lorn, can ya ever just stop and talk about anything that's going on? Constantly running away from your problems is only gonna hurt ya in the long run and I can't keep watching you spiral like this. How the hell do ya expect to get through life like this? I sure hope you talk to your therapist more than the rest of us because someone has to fucking get through to ya, hon."
"I want—uh, I would like to go to the hospital and see mom…dad, I mean dad." The smaller brunette corrected herself hurriedly and then covered her mouth with both hands when she realized what she almost allowed to slip out. She felt like she was only digging herself further and further into a grave.
Observing the interaction between the sisters in silence, the concern Nicky already experienced fervently intensified. The mistakenly mention of her mother brought a wind of whirling questions through her mind. She couldn't remember ever hearing Lorna share anything about her mother with her aside from the one time she slyly stated that she was on a business trip. So, to say, in that moment her interest was peaked would be a vastly penetrating understatement.
Franny slammed her empty mug onto the island countertop and her glare deepened. "Mom? Tell me that's not another thing you're lying to her about?" She yelled out her query, pointing her finger desperately in Nicky's direction.
The question nearly caused Nicky to choke her on coffee. An unnerving sensation crept over her, she frantically turned her head to look between the two brunettes. She didn't know if she should say anything or just keep her mouth shut while they hashed out whatever it was that seemed to be needing hashed out.
Lorna swallowed a building ball of saliva and moved her feet from one position to another. Her hand grabbed onto her neck, rubbing it in a nervous manner. Beads of sweat slowly began to form through the pores of her flesh. Brown eyes averted from Franny over to Nicky and then finally settled on the window that slivered on the back door. "I want to drop by the hospital to check on dad, Fran. I meant to say dad, not mom. I mean one of us probably should call mom to tell her what happened," her shoulders bounced up in a shrug at her own suggestion. A suggestion that was meaningless and only stated to keep it consistent with the story she fed to Nicky.
"You know what? You're right let's fucking go and make sure dad's okay," the frustrated older sister agreed, even though she knew that was only to get Lorna in her car and to stop her from digging her own grave. She moved her eyes over at Nicky, "Why don't ya come with us, huh?"
Sitting in the back of the car with her three-year-old nephew, Lorna folded her arms displeasingly over her chest while throwing a glare towards Franny from her reflection in the rearview mirror. A pout molded on her face. Something about this whole thing hadn't felt right to her. Nicky and Franny sitting in the front together, and her in the back like she was a damn child. There had to be a reason for this. Were they plotting something? She shook her head. None of it made sense. Her mind was only coming up blank the more she pondered.
"Why am I sitting in the back like a little girl, Franny?"
Peering through the rearview mirror at her, the older brunette recoiled her shoulders in a muted shrug. She needed Lorna's friend in the passenger seat beside her in order to have the chance to talk to her and advise her of the plan she had brewing. A plan she had to be careful that her sister hadn't overheard hence having her sit with Marco in the back of the car. She turned out of the neighborhood, onto the freeway, before putting her attention back on Lorna.
"Because I need to talk to Nicky about something and you need to calm down. Ya've been high strung all morning, Lorn, just sit and relax. Do ya know how to do that?" Her eyebrows curved upward in synchronization with the inquiry she asked.
Lorna brought a hand up to her forehead, using it to rub at her temples. Her eyes shifted over on her nephew in the car seat beside her, he sat with a couple of toy cars in his hand oblivious to whatever else was going on around him. She sighed, somewhat envious of his oblivion. If only she could find something to escape herself into like the little boy was doing, she thought. With a heaping breath of air, she returned her focus back on her older sister. "Why do ya needa talk to Nicky? What, ya gonna gossip about how crazy ya think I am or somethin'?"
"Oh my god, Lorna, please. Do ya ever stop? I love ya but god, you're just too much sometimes. Ya really are, hon," Franny commented, using her knuckles to massage the side of her head at the sensation of a throbbing ache beginning to form. She shook her head as she came to a red-light, taking the time to peer back at the younger girl. A blatant fatigue emanating from her blue eyes.
Though there hadn't been any yelling or screaming, Lorna felt her body instinctively grimace at what her older sister said. The words reminded her slightly of their father. Of course, he always spoke to her in a highly demeaning manner and never meant anything from a place of love or caring. "Hmm, maybe that's why dad chooses to hit me so much. To shut me up," she muttered mutedly, keeping her eyes fixed on her lap. A valid conclusion, she believed, it was the only plausible explanation for Mr. Morello's abuse of her. The only reason that seemed even a slight bit justifiable for his actions, she tried to convince herself.
Both girls in the front two seats felt their eyes automatically widen after hearing the words that poured from Lorna's mouth—words she probably thought weren't loud enough to be heard, too. They shared a quick glance but then all of them jolted somewhat at the vibration of the car from the horn stridently going off. Franny finally realized she had slammed her fist onto the middle part of the steering wheel and removed it swiftly. Her eyes deterred back on Lorna.
"Do ya think that makes it okay for dad to hurt you, Lorn?" She queried barely louder than a whisper, still taken aback by the comment her sister previously made.
Lorna swallowed thickly, turning head to glance out the window. An uneasiness took up form in her stomach. "I mean I-I guess. I don't know. I just, I'm tryna make sense of why dad does what he does."
Hearing Lorna was subtly implying that she deserved any form of abuse from anyone quickly boiled a rage in Nicky's blood. Her head shook angrily at the thought. A wretched, twisted, maddening thought. She inhaled sharply, in an attempt to keep the fury from manifesting physically. Instead, she turned her head slightly to peer behind her directly into Lorna's brown eyes. Her breath hitched; she yearned to take the petite girl into her arms and cuddle away all of her pain.
Franny used a hand to push back her hair, suddenly feeling unnerved and unsure of how to respond to her sister's statement. It didn't sit well with her, that was for sure. A knot melded into the pit of her stomach. How could Lorna even rationalize something so twisted? "We're gonna talk more about this after I drop Marco off at preschool. I just—I have words I can't say in front of him. Jesus, Lorna," she whispered the last part, rubbing violently at her temples.
The second the car pulled into a spot in the parking lot of an oddly familiar building—however a building that clearly was not the hospital—Lorna's eyes widened rather strongly when she peeked out the window and slowly realized where Franny had driven them. She swallowed the lump that had formed when she became aware of what building they were parked in front of. Her heart started to race inside her chest, she folded her arms over it to calmly slow the rate down as well as display the distaste she felt with their current surroundings.
"This is not the hospital, Franny. Why the hell are we sitting in the parking lot of my shrink's office?"
"We're at your therapists' office because you need to meet with her and talk about whatever it is you're keeping from the resta us. I am at my wits end with you, I don't know how to help you," her voice raw with emotion as she shut off the car and pushed open the driver side door. It wasn't something she had particularly been fond of admitting to, however, she knew she had no idea how to properly help Lorna through any of this when it was very clear how in denial she'd been of so many things.
Shaking her head in irritation, the younger brunette didn't budge from her seat. No, rather, she sat with her legs crossed over one another and defiantly folded her arms over her rapidly beating chest. To claim she was pissed over the situation would be wrong, she bit the bottom of her lip, and glared painfully ahead at Franny—who now stood outside of the vehicle, impatiently waiting for her to follow suit. It wasn't anger she felt so much as it was hurt. Hurt that Franny would trick her, make her believe they were going to visit their father in the hospital when in actuality she knew full well that she was driving her to the therapists' office.
Franny sucked in a crisp breath of air. The morning sun set high in the sky, tricking the mind that it was a warm day when the temperature hadn't been much more than thirty-two degrees. She shuddered at the realization. Maybe that was karma for what she'd done to her sister, she pondered. Even though she only did so out of love and concern for her. Her eyes wandered to the back window, she felt her heart ache at the disdain that expressed itself on Lorna's pale face. She knew her actions were certainly the culprit of such.
She walked over to the door on the side where Lorna occupied, slowly opening it and giving an intent stare down at her. "Come on, Lorn, I know you're mad but we're already here. This will be good for ya."
Snapping her head quite violently in the other's direction, Lorna shook her head sadly at her. The whole ordeal was something she would have expected from Mr. Morello, not Franny. The one family member who always so passionately supported her or so she thought. It stung, it stung a lot. Like a swarm of wasps had taken over her body. "I'm not mad, Fran, I'm hurt. You, you lied to me. And anyway I don't have an appointment for another two weeks so ya just wasted all of our time. Me and Nicky are gonna be late to school because of you."
"I know, and ya have every right to be upset with me but, Lorn, I only did this to help you. I already called the office earlier and convinced them to change your appointment to today. The only reason I lied to ya was because I know how you are. You would have run away or something, I just I'm more than worried about you and I have a feeling Nicky is too. That's why I asked her to come, it'll be good for the both of ya. And, after this, I promise if you really want to that I'll take us to visit dad at the hospital."
Chapter Text
Chapter Thirty-Three
The wait from the time they all sat down in the waiting room to the time her name had been called by one of the receptionists was a lot quicker than Lorna had anticipated or would have liked. When they arrived inside the familiar office that she recalled sitting in only a few weeks prior, Lorna sat on the small sofa furthest from the door. She felt the cushion beside her sink somewhat and turned her head to find the culprit was Nicky, who instinctively clasped onto one of her hands. A warmth overtook her body momentarily, she bowed her head down to keep her rosy cheeks from being seen by her girlfriend.
Her eyes averted elsewhere and observed Franny claiming the chair nearest the door. She sighed, returning her gaze onto her lap. Maybe she reacted a bit harshly upon their arrival in the parking lot, her mind pondered on. Deep down, she knew Franny wasn't ever out to intentionally cause her any pain. Franny wasn't like their father, the smaller brunette reminded herself. No, Franny was one of the most caring and kind-hearted people she had known. Franny only wanted to help her, something Mr. Morello couldn't care less about engaging in.
The door to the room opened once more rapidly interjecting Lorna from her thoughts. She deterred her eyes over at who entered inside, feeling a mixture of both relief and dread come to the surface. Relief that maybe her shrink—therapist—might be able to convince Nicky and Franny that there was nothing they needed to worry about. Dread that she might end up doing the opposite, however.
Doctor Washington closed the door behind her and went to situate herself in her desk chair. When her eyes finally caught sight of who all was in her office, she nodded intuitively and focused her stare on Lorna. "This is quite a surprise," she stated, reaching for her traveler's cup of coffee that had been occupying space beside her laptop. "I wasn't expecting you to bring anyone with you, I didn't think you'd be ready for that so soon."
Lorna swallowed, shifting her feet against the ground beneath them. She felt Nicky's hand tighten around hers and immediately that brought a comfort over her. Her shoulders moved upwards in a subtle shrug. "I wasn't expecting to be here at all today, but my sista made the decision for me," a bitterness easily oozed out from her voice. She hadn't anticipated that and felt a guilt rise quickly within. Her eyes took a glance in Franny's direction, noticing how she slightly winced at the comment. The shame only strengthened after seeing that.
The dark-skinned woman slowly nodded, effortlessly picking up on the hostility in her client's vocal inflection. Her dark brown eyes shifted over to the other brunette, who she assumed to be the sister. She picked up her traveler's cup and sipped it slowly. "Would you like to let me know who the both of these two are, Lorna? Which one is your sister?"
"I guess," the petite brunette muttered. She gestured her free hand towards the teen who sat beside her and informed her therapist with, "This is my girlfriend, Nicky. And that over there," her hand moved in direction of Franny, tone less menacing than earlier, "That's my older sista, Franny."
Her eyes fixed back down onto her lap. An unsettling sensation took up residence in the pit of her stomach seemingly out of nowhere. She swallowed and felt a lump in the back of her throat. "I wasn't supposed to have an appointment with you for another two weeks. Franny made me come today and I have no idea why. I should be in school now and I am making Nicky late too, because she's here with me."
"Well, it's a pleasure to meet you both. I'm glad you're all able to be here with Lorna," the therapist greeted Nicky and Franny with a kind smile. She shifted her eyes once more on Lorna, nodding her head intuitively. "Yes, Franny called me this morning to get your appointment moved to today. Oh, don't worry about that. I'll provide the two of you with an excuse for school. And anyway, I touched base with Mrs. Mendoza so she knows you're here as well, Lorna."
"Why? Are you and Mrs. Mendoza talking about me behind my back?"
Doctor Washington shook her head and held up a hand, "Of course not. I speak with her to help me coordinate my treatment plan for you. Nobody is talking about you behind your back, at least not here in my office. Why don't we talk about what brings you here today, yeah?"
"No, no, no. Treatment plan? I don't need no treatment plan. You and the school counselor think I'm crazy and you're plotting a way to send me to some institution, aren't ya?" Paranoia appeared to engulf Lorna's mind at that point, she found herself shaking her head in a profound manner. Knowing anyone would talk about her behind her back constantly made her assume the worst possible outcome.
"Lorna, that is not true at all. We are not plotting to put you in any institution. I work with Mrs. Mendoza on all my clients who happen to go to that high school. Treatment is just another word I use for therapy, that's all. Now, let's talk about why your sister thought it was best for you to meet with me today instead of waiting," the dark haired woman did her best to calm her patient's very fraying nerves. She sipped her coffee and then looked at the two others who hadn't said a peep since she'd come in.
Throwing up her hands to gain their focus, the psychologist smiled warmly at them and gestured her hands to the pile of dixie cups she had sitting on the shelf behind her rather bulky desk. "Would either of you like some water or tea? What about you, Lorna? You want a cup of that peppermint tea again?" She reached into the drawer where her teabags were and grabbed a handful of them.
Lorna looked over at her girlfriend, then Franny, both girls shook their heads in response to her therapists' question. She switched which leg she had crossed and turned back to Doctor Washington. The peppermint tea was delicious, she recalled, and it certainly soothed her but she shook her head as well. If neither of the other two wanted anything, then clearly she shouldn't want either. A sigh escaped her. Her stomach craved for the tea despite her mind telling her she didn't need it—deserve it.
Giving a small nod, the professional smiled and placed the teabags back in their designated drawer. Though, she left a peppermint one out in case Lorna changed her mind. The expression on her face conflicted with the shake of her head that she gave. "If any of you change your mind just let me know," she advised them before refocusing her courtesy on the brunette sitting on the sofa.
"What's been going on lately, Lorna?"
Shifting her eyes from the therapist over to her sister and lastly on Nicky, Lorna gulped uneasily. Sweat oozed from the pores of her flesh as she became aware of everyone's stares on herself. Suddenly, she felt uncomfortable and tight in the chest. This wasn't how she had imagined her morning to go, she thought. In fact, she thought much the same about the incident that occurred the evening before. None of what happened was supposed to. She shook her head, focused her eyes on her hands that she clasped together atop her thighs. Her fat thighs, she observed.
"I don't know. I'm not the one who moved my appointment," she bitterly pointed out, throwing a hand up and waving it harshly in Franny's direction. "Maybe you should ask Franny that since she seems to think I'm incapable of making decisions for myself."
"That's not fair, Lorna," Franny interjected before the therapist was able to enter the conversation. Her blue eyes, despite the coldness in her sister's tone, gazed over at her with nothing but concern. "You know that's not what I think of you. That's not why I switched your appointment, either."
Watching the interaction between them in silence, Doctor Washington jotted some things on her notepad that was sprawled out on her desk. It was clear that something was amiss amongst the sisters. Her eyes fell on Franny, the older of the two, and she easily noted the apprehension that displayed on her face. "Franny, why did you feel it was a good idea to change Lorna's appointment to today?"
The older brunette, who sat on her cushioned chair with her right leg crossed over her left, turned away from her sister to return the psychologists' stare. Now, she felt a wave of unease. She swallowed a lump she only now realized existed in her throat and inhaled deeply. "Because Lorna needs help, more help than I can give her on my own. And after the incident that happened yesterday—"
"The incident that happened yesterday?" Doctor Washington repeated the words in a questioning tone, eyebrows curved over brown eyes. "What happened yesterday?"
Lorna met Franny's gaze and subtly shook her head at her. The woman had already caused her enough grief for one day, she internalized.
Franny repeated her head movement and looked back across the desk at Doctor Washington. Her sister may have been okay with hiding things but that hadn't meant she was. "Lorna and her friend—"
"Girlfriend, Franny. Girlfriend. Nicky's my girlfriend," Lorna interrupted her to correct her in a tougher than needed manner. Her hand was instantly squeezed in that moment, she peered over at the redhead who gave her a small smile and kiss to the back of her head.
"Sorry, Lorna and her girlfriend were being chased by our drunk father with a gun," the older sister finally informed Lorna's therapist after revising her words to calm the young teen.
Mouth gaped open at the revelation, it took a moment for her to finally find the will to close it again. That was an incident she wasn't expecting to hear about or rather to have occurred at all in the first place. Sympathy instantly formed on the therapists' face as she looked in the direction of the sofa where both Lorna and Nicky sat. She stared at the two for several seconds before saying anything. The only way she could control her emotions from showing themselves.
"I am—I'm so sorry to hear that. Are you both okay? Do either of you want to process how that made you feel?"
Lorna quickly shook her head, rolling her eyes out of frustration. The last thing she wanted to do was spend an undisclosed amount of time processing an event she'd rather forget happened. "Nope, I'm good," was her quick response, letting her body sink further into the cushion of the couch she occupied. Her eyes swiftly looked away from the therapist and focused in on Nicky, who's face displayed a contradicting expression to her own.
"Actually, yeah, I think that would be a great idea," the redhead chimed in after sitting silently for the past fifteen minutes. Her girlfriend's adamancy on not saying anything only convinced her further that that was something they needed to talk openly about right then and there. She sighed, feeling Lorna's eyes on her and returned her gaze softly. The refusal in the other's only made her wrap a protective arm around her waist, tugging her slightly closer so that Lorna's head instinctively fell against her shoulder.
Good. Good? Good!? Franny gritted her teeth hearing that word come from her sister's mouth. She shook her head profusely and peered fiercely ahead at the psychologist. The one person who she desperately needed to get through to Lorna and fast. "Can you please tell my sweet naïve sister that she is not good or okay right now?"
Being talked about like she wasn't even in the room only fueled Lorna's irritation. She slammed her hands piercingly against the glass of the coffee table in front of her. A splitting headache quickly began to form between her temples. Her fingers massaged furiously around the flesh of it, but that did nothing to ease it. The pain only grew stronger, in turn increasing the irritation that had already been brewing. It appeared, in her mind, that everyone in that room was pinned up against her.
It hadn't taken long for Doctor Washington to notice the overwhelming look that molded onto her clients' face. She quickly prepared a dixie cup with warm water from her kettle and a peppermint teabag, clasped her hands together as she peered at the three ladies before her. "Okay, let's everyone just take a moment to breathe. It looks like this is becoming a bit too much for Lorna," a nod with the words she spoke. She focused her stare back on the petite brunette and held the cup of tea out to her, "Here, how about a small cup of tea? I can see you're starting to get quite frazzled."
Albeit her mind arguing that she shouldn't accept the heavily desired liquid, Lorna reached her hands out for it regardless. The smell quickly hit her nose the second the cup was in her possession and immediately gave her a sense of comfort. She cradled her hands around it while gradually lifting it towards her lips, the aroma further sinking into her nostrils. However, before taking a sip of the warm liquid, her eyes widened slightly as they peered fiercely ahead at the black-haired woman behind the desk ahead of her.
"Are there calories in this tea? How many?"
The inquiries were an unexpected surprise to the psychologist. She returned Lorna's gaze with a rather worried one, shaking her head slowly in response. "No, there are no calories in it. What makes you ask that, Lorna?"
Lorna gulped at the small interrogation. She peered into the cup her hands cradled, feeling a strong urge to sip it all in one go. But she refrained, her mind telling her the opposite of what Doctor Washington had moments ago informed her of. It was as if her inner-self didn't believe the honest fact that the tea certainly did not contain any calories. Or even if it had, it wouldn't be a sufficient amount. "Uh, I just—I, um, am tryna be more health conscious. I just wanna be healthy…yeah, that's all, really." Her voice frantically spewed out and she mustered up a smile.
Without a word, Nicky instinctively wrapped her arms around the smaller teen's waist. To hear her stressed over the caloric intake of a single cup of tea brought an immense apprehension over her. She gently brushed her lips over the side of Lorna's forehead, yearning so strongly to find a way to help her. Her heart ached deeply to realize how much her girlfriend appeared to be suffering. Sighing, she only hoped that the therapy would be of benefit to the girl she so desperately loved.
"It's great to want to be healthy, but another to be a little obsessive about it. Just make sure you're fueling your body adequately, Lorna or we may be having a different conversation in the future," the therapist kindly advised her with a small smile sitting on her face.
Eyes peering down at her girlfriend concerningly, Nicky gently nudged the flesh of her cheek with the tip of her thumb. After walking in on her the previous night to see her so blatantly checking her stomach for signs of fat—she presumed that was what Lorna was doing, anyway—the worry she had for her only kept growing in intensity. It was obvious to herself that Lorna's secret health obsession was not just about being healthy. And it infuriated her that she hadn't seen any of the signs until very recently.
Averting her eyes back in the psychologists' direction, the redhead took in a rather large breath. Contemplating for a few silent moments on whether or not it was a smart idea to voice her concerns. She certainly hadn't want to say anything that would further Lorna's clear discomfort, however, she wasn't sure not voicing her worry would be of any benefit either. Another sigh escaped her.
Noticing the eyes of the redhead girl on her, Doctor Washington shifted her focus on her for a moment. She mindlessly shuffled a few papers that sat on the top surface of her desk. "What's on your mind? You look like you wanna say something."
"I do wanna say something but I don't know if it's a good idea."
Curving an eyebrow inquisitively above her eye, the older woman peered her over attentively. "Well, what makes you think it might not be a good idea to say what you're wanting?"
Nicky recoiled her shoulders upward slightly. A pang filled her chest as her eyes fixed themselves back down on the girl her arms were engulfed around. The last thing she wanted to was to further the distraught that already seemed to plague her, yet, she knew if she kept silent it would only be even more detrimental to her in the long run. Her lips softly stroked the top of her ahead. She refocused her glance on Doctor Washington across from them. "I don't wanna make Lorna any more upset but I'm, I'm so worried about her. I slept over her house last night and she was doing something that caught me off guard—I don't know if I'm just looking too much into it or if there's something more going on."
"What happened?" The psychologist gently asked, assuring her to continue. She deterred her eyes slightly onto her client, observing the expression on her face closely.
"I came in her room after she and her sister had a kinda heated talk and Lorna was on her bed with her shirt slightly up, it looked to me like she was, um, checking her skin or something. I-I don't know but it makes me even more worried," Nicky uneasily recalled the events from yesterday evening, letting her hold on the petite brunette tighten.
Both Doctor Washington and Franny felt their eyes widen somewhat at Nicky's revelation. The older of the two swallowed thickly before mentally putting her emotions to the side and refocusing her attention on Lorna. Everything she'd been hearing so far only led her to believe that the young brunette was likely suffering from the early stages of an eating disorder. She softened her eyes slightly as she held her gaze on the girl. "Can you possibly share with your girlfriend what you were doing, Lorna? Are you comfortable with that?"
It was hard enough for Lorna to even try to catch her breath at that moment and now, her therapist was wanting her to answer an unnerving question? She couldn't get in a decent breath of air long enough to form a coherent sentence that wouldn't make her sound as mental as she knew she truly was. The only thing she was able to do was reach for the dixie cup and slowly sip down the rest of the tea. She shut her eyes, hoping to get a grip back on reality. Just a sufficient amount so that she could give an answer, she pleaded with herself.
When her eyes reopened a few seconds later, she rapidly took notice that everyone in the room was staring at her. Intense staring, she deemed. She swallowed a lump in her throat and reached her hands up to place around her cheeks, squeezing them in a way that she wished would magically make the uneasiness fade away. "I was—I just wanted to make sure that there were no marks on my stomach. I fell in my bedroom—when my dad was real upset—and landed on my stomach, so it was hurtin' a little," the words easily spilled from Lorna's mouth as she looked straight ahead into her therapists' attentive eyes.
Nicky instantly shook her head at the explanation her girlfriend gave. It didn't add up, she inwardly noted. There was something majorly wrong with the younger girl, and it was rather obvious how much she didn't want to admit to that. No wonder Franny always appeared so exhausted and drained, constantly having to help someone who clearly didn't want help had to be wearing on her own mentality. Lorna was certainly a lot to handle, she concluded the older brunette's words from their conversation the prior evening to be true. An intense breath expelled from her lungs.
"Yeah? Are ya sure that's the real reason, kid? Because I don't know about the therapist but I'm not buying that."
Doctor Washington kept silent and observed the interaction between the two.
Lorna immediately grew distrustful, removing herself from Nicky's embrace and getting up from the sofa to pace angrily around the small office that her therapy session was held in. The walls suddenly felt too close for comfort; she squeezed her eyes shut and the sound of her breathing echoed loudly in her own ears. She fastened her pass, walking in a circle from how small the space around her existed. Her hands instinctively lifted up towards her head and she used them to cover over her ears but that did nothing to stop the loud echoing from occurring. Again, her pace quickened and kept at it until she felt her heart racing rapidly in her chest and her lungs felt like they were on fire.
The unexpected sensation of her lungs being on fire was enough to halt her pacing. She opened her eyes, letting them glance around her surroundings in a frantic motion. Once again they were all staring at her in an agonizing concern. She swallowed thickly, guilty for making them feel that way. Her eyes slowly averted down to her abdomen and the feeling of a warm liquid running down the skin of her cheek came as a surprise to her. She lifted her thumb to wipe it away, unsure of when she had started crying.
Everyone still sat watching her in an uncomfortable silence, Franny and Nicky uncertain on what or if to do anything, and Doctor Washington allowing her client a moment to gather herself and respond when she felt ready to. Lorna finally caught her breath and remained standing in her spot, looking anywhere but at any of the people who appeared before her. Instead, she reached her hand down on a loop of her jeans and let her fingers nervously play with it.
"I would like to leave now," Lorna finally spoke out, not looking up to see the frustration that she sensed was looming on both her girlfriend's and sister's faces.
Franny didn't stop herself from letting out a boisterous grunt at her younger sister's suggestion. Her head shook madly as she turned to glare frustratedly over at her. It was tiring to constantly watch Lorna run away from talking about her problems or even admit that she had any. She crossed her arms furiously over her chest, averting her eyes violently fast over at the therapist. "She does this any time anyone fucking tries to talk to her about anything she refuses to admit to," her voice harshly pointed out.
Doctor Washington took in a breath and calmly looked over at her patient. There was a lot of emotion on her face, she observed, a lot more than at their first session only a few weeks ago. Obviously, a lot seemed to be going on with the young teenager and it wasn't going to be fixed in just two therapy appointments. She sighed, looking back at the clearly upset older sister. "We can't force her to talk about anything she's not ready to share, Franny. I know it's upsetting to you and I'm sorry, but we have to take things at Lorna's pace."
That was all it took for Franny to slam her hands menacingly against the rim of the coffee table. "Lorna's pace? Then nothing will ever be fucking accomplished. Lorna will never be ready to talk about anything because she is fucking living in her own little world—her own little world of denial," she cried out, knowing her words would only cause all of them more frustration than anything but she didn't know what else she could do. She couldn't continue to sit back and watch Lorna to constantly spiral downward.
"Okay, you know what? I think both you and Nicky should step out so I can talk to Lorna alone. I can see on her face that she's very clearly overwhelmed and your yelling, Franny—although it is from a loving and concerned place—is not helping the situation. So, please, go sit in the waiting room for now," the therapist firmly commanded, standing up from her chair and walking over to the door, motioning for everyone who wasn't her client to exit.
"Obviously now is too soon for family sessions," she added once they walked past her and out the open door. Her eyes solemnly fixed themselves back on her blatantly distressed client and she decided to walk over to her, standing beside her. "That was too much for you, wasn't it?"
Lorna swallowed a wad of saliva and timidly nodded her head. Guilt overpowered her, though, at the fact that she very clearly upset the two people she so deeply cared for; the two people she loved more than anything. It hurt to see them both hurting because of her own stupid self, she angrily thought. Tears fell from her eyes without her even realizing until her vision was clouded. She felt a rather loud sob escape from her esophagus. "I-I just—I really, I care so much about them both and now they're—they're both upset be-because of me," the words choked out between sniffles. Her knees buckled and she felt her body fall to the floor.
The unforeseen breakdown had Doctor Washington acting quickly on impulse, she sat down on the floor beside the other and placed a comforting hand over Lorna's to let her know she wasn't alone. "I don't think they're upset at you, Lorna. They're just upset about the situation. A situation that I hope you know is not your fault in any way," her voice calmly informed the petite brunette beside her. Her heart ached at the sound of such violent sobs coming from her client's body.
"How can it not be my fault? Everything that goes wrong in my life, the common thing is me. Everything is my fault. I-I just want life to be normal again."
Squeezing the hand that was held in her own, the black-haired woman peered sadly at the girl beside her. It was heartbreaking to see how clearly hurting she was. She let out a small sigh and opened her mouth to respond, "You can't control how other people react, Lorna, or what other people choose to do. You can only control yourself. You are not at fault for your current circumstances because of that simple fact. Do you feel comfortable with telling me what a normal life to you looks like?"
Lorna felt a knot slowly forming in the pit of her stomach. Control. Control, she closed her eyes at the word. She needed more control. She craved more control. The sense of uncontrollability, alone, was enough to agonize her. Nothing in her life, at that moment, seemed controllable to her. The only thing she appeared to have control over was her body and what she put into her mouth—or currently, what she didn't put in her mouth. She sighed and regained focus on the conversation with her therapist.
"Living back home with both of my parents and brotha and sista, that was normal. It was normal and everything was fine. I just want that back, so bad," she cried out, her voice cracking as sniffles and sobs escaped her in truckloads just the same as tears leaked down her cheeks nonstop. Had she finally hit a breaking point? Suddenly, she couldn't recognize herself anymore. That wasn't the Lorna Morello she knew. And such a realization only intensified her craving for control.
"Well, what happened to change that?"
The brunette shut her eyes tightly, letting her free hand lift up towards her forehead and she placed it over her right temple. Massaging at it in a slightly vicious manner. It was a simple question, she tried to convince herself, and she had an answer. She knew exactly what happened to change everything. She did, despite what her sister commented earlier. Lorna certainly wasn't in denial of their mother's death. Of course, she acknowledged their mother's death—she was the one who was there when it happened. She watched Mrs. Morello take her last breath, saw her heart pump its last course of blood through her veins. Stansie was dead and she knew that. But to say it out loud? That would make it final. There wouldn't be any room for hope, for her to hold onto that miniscule string of hope that miraculously one day her mother would come back. And that—that was something she wasn't ready to give up.
"My mom hadda move outta state for her job and Mikey, my brotha, he enrolled in the military when he turned eighteen. So, now, life doesn't feel normal…and I just, I wish they'd come back," was the answer that Lorna settled on giving, at least the military part was honest.
"Oh, Lorna, I'm so sorry to hear that. That must be very difficult for you to deal with. Do you call your mom often? Maybe talk to her about planning a visit, do you think that might help you? And have you thought about writing letters to Mikey? I'm not sure if they have access to phones in the military or not but I bet it would help you feel a little better if you set aside some time each day to write to him, what do you think?"
Lorna nodded at the suggestion, finally feeling the sniffles ease up. She moved her hand to her cheeks and wiped at the remaining tears. At least the letter suggestion was something she could actually start doing, she thought silently. It sounded like a great idea in all actuality the more she thought about it. Her eyes averted up at the therapist who still sat right next to her. A sense of comfort overwhelmed her. There was a genuine aura that emanated from the older woman, just the same as the one from her school counselor.
"Yeah, I uh, I think those are real good things for me to do. Thank you, doctor—"
Holding up a hand to halt her comment, the psychologist gave a kind smile down to her. "You can call me by my first name, Poussey. Doctor Washington just makes me feel old, honestly. But, yes, I believe those will be good things for you to start doing as well. Maybe even talking to your girlfriend or sister when you feel upset over it would be beneficial, too."
Giving another slow nod, Lorna inhaled a much steadier breath now. She let her eyes focus down on the floor that she sat upon and noticed the bright colors that appeared to swirl so seamlessly together. "Poussey? I've never heard that name before. It's real pretty, though," she commented, deterring the conversation away from the previous topic of her family.
The smile still molded to her face, the older woman only gave a light-hearted chuckle. That wasn't an unusual statement she received from others' when they heard her name. It hadn't been a very common name, at least not there in the US, she deemed. Her client's comment hadn't come as a surprise to her. "It's French, my dad was the one who picked it out when I was born. He was a military dad and he'd been stationed in France several times before he and my mom had me so he wanted something unique for me to remind us all of our roots, I guess."
To hear that she and her therapist had some common ground with each of them having had a close family member in the army brought another reassuring awareness over her. Made her realize that maybe being in therapy wasn't such a bad thing like she made it out to be in her head. She felt the corners of her lips form into a faint smile. Maybe therapy really was the best for her right now, she tried to reason with herself.
"Thank you," she abruptly found herself murmuring.
Poussey arched an eyebrow at the words. "For what?"
"For being my therapist and not my shrink," Lorna replied, bouncing her shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. She focused her stare back down on the pattern of the carpet, tracing her fingers through each line.
"Aw, Lorna, you don't have to thank me for that. It's my pleasure to be here to help you. Now, I know it's been a very rough and draining session today for you so I think we can call it quits and set up your next one, yeah? We'll wait on another family session, clearly now is still too soon for that. I don't want you to feel so overwhelmed that you're frightened of therapy, okay?" The psychologist stated—after walking back behind her desk—while taking out an appointment card and jotting down information for their next one.
She gently handed the card over to Lorna, giving her a comforting smile. "I'll see you in a couple weeks. Take care of yourself and don't be afraid to reach out to your loved ones for support."
Chapter 35
Notes:
Author's Note: I just want to thank those who are reading this story, I appreciate it so very much. I really enjoy writing this story and it makes me happy to see people are interested enough to take time out of their day just to read it.
Chapter Text
Chapter Thirty-Four
Keeping true to her words from prior to the therapy appointment, despite the exasperation, Franny drove on the freeway in leu of the hospital where their father was said to have been. The entire drive was spent in silence, though that time Nicky joined Lorna in the backseat of the car. She interlaced their fingers together as soon as they sat down and kept them like that until the vehicle finally came to a stop in a spot in the parking garage. Franny exited the driver's side, clearly not in the mood to wait for the teens as she'd already started walking down to where the elevators were located.
Left alone with her girlfriend right beside her, neither one budged from their spots. Lorna sat with her eyes glued to the view outside of the windshield straight ahead of her. Of course, now, all that was out there was another car parked opposite of her sister's. She felt a puff of air building in her lungs and expelled it rather deeply. The hand that held hers squeezed it even tighter, giving her a silent gesture of reassurance. Quickly, she averted her eyes from the window and over to Nicky.
"You know I'm not mad at you, yeah kid?" The redhead broke the silence with her tenderly asked query. Her eyes were soft as they peered down at Lorna. She watched her meticulously, using her free hand to cup warmly around one of her porcelain cheeks. There were faded tear stains clearly evident on the flesh of her face and it quickly formed a tightness in Nicky's chest to see such. Nothing pained her more than to see her girlfriend so blatantly suffering and yet refusing the help she so adamantly needed.
The gentleness in her tone instantly reignited the guilt from earlier. Slowly turning her head so that the pair of them were in direct view of each other, Lorna swallowed uneasily at the intense softness radiating from Nicky. She felt she hadn't deserved any of that after the agony she caused both she and Franny during her therapy session only an hour ago. A lump molded into the pit of her stomach, the physical manifestation of the overpowering guilt that appeared to be consuming her a lot more than not, recently.
She nodded her head when she realized it'd been a few minutes since the other had spoken out. "Course', hon. But I guess it's obvious Franny's real mad at me. She didn't even wait for us," Lorna stated once she found her voice again; she threw her hands up in emphasis of the last statement she had made. It didn't make that much sense to her as to why Franny was the one upset with her when she was the one who dragged her there against her will, without even telling her that was where they were headed.
Nicky threw her arms protectively around the brunette's waist, pulling her so that she was sitting on her lap with her head resting naturally against her chest. She leaned her chin back behind Lorna's hair and let her lips stroke lovingly over the top of her head. "No, doll, she's not mad at you either. We're just really concerned, that's all. We both want to be here for ya and help ya but it's hard to do that when you seem so unwilling to let us, ya know?" And that was only the harsh reality of it all, she inwardly acknowledged. They couldn't properly help Lorna when she clearly didn't seem to want it. That realization, alone, made her chest ache even more. The idea of willingly allowing her girlfriend to suffer caused a sickness to build in her gut; she loathed that thought.
"I'm not unwilling, I just—I don't need help with anything, hon. I'm okay, everything is fine. I mean it's just my dad, he's been a little mean but-but he'll get better," Lorna tried to convince the older girl. She reached her hands cautiously up to wrap around Nicky's cheeks, brushing the tips of her fingers along the outline of her face. "I really hate that—how worried I've made you, hon. I love you and I just want to make ya happy."
"You know what would really make me happy, doll?" Nicky warmly inquired, using a hand to soothingly brush a strand of loose hair from Lorna's brown eyes.
If I was skinnier and prettier. Lorna shook her head at the mental comment that quickly flooded her mind, despite her deeming it truth. She swallowed thickly, shaking her head once more, while returning the redhead's heated stare. Her fingers kept the gentle stroking of her cheeks, all she craved in that moment was to nurture and care for her Nicky rather than to ponder one more second on the therapy or any of the negative events of the day before. "What would make ya happy, hon?"
No matter how frustrated Lorna's resistance had the capability of making her, her exceedingly gentle nature was so much stronger and instantly morphed any remnants of frustration into love and affection. Nicky tightened her arms around the waist she embraced, leaning her forehead against Lorna's. Lips pecked delicately over the tip of her nose. "What would really make me happy, sweet Lorna, is if you'd be honest with me. Let me help you, take care of you for once," she huskily stated, her breath warm on the brunette's face. Her index finger tucked a wave of brown hair behind Lorna's ear.
Lorna swallowed a rather large lump in her throat. Such words instinctively warmed her insides, made her eyes feel watery, her chest feel tight. Yet, the voice in her head assured her that she certainly didn't deserve any of what Nicky was offering her. Though, on the outside she wanted desperately to accept Nicky's offer, to throw her arms around her and move on a more positive path with the one girl she loved, her mental voice echoed louder that she wasn't deserving of what she wanted, wasn't worthy of it. How could she be when she was fatter than even a baby elephant?
A sigh escaped her as she focused her eyes down on the floor of the car. She loathed that her inner voice was right, that she wasn't worthy or deserving of anything nice. And, even if she was, sooner or later Nicky would get tired of her and leave. She felt frozen sitting there with Nicky's arms so warmly, affectionately, around her. It was the one embrace she always so highly craved. Yet, now, she was sick with herself for ever making the redhead want to show her any love. She was only infecting Nicky with her sickness by continuing to do that.
Nicky rapidly took notice of the tears that very silently, almost in a sneaky fashion, fell from the brunette's pale cheeks. She used her thumb to lovingly wipe them away. Another soft kiss she pressed on the tip of her nose, using her free hand to cradle around her face. "What are you thinking, baby? What's the matter? Please talk to me. Be honest with me, I love you," she murmured, her tone merely desperate for Lorna to open up to her.
"Nicky," the brunette shakily said, not able to stop the tears that freely fell from her distressed eyes. She hated herself even more for not being able to do what her girlfriend so frantically wanted of her. Her mouth opened, yet, she struggled to get any further words out. A pang formed in her chest, she knew that was what she deserved for causing her sweet Nicky all of this pain—all the agony and stress. "My Nicky," she tried again but couldn't form anything else besides her name.
To see Lorna struggling so strongly to form a response only deepened the ache in Nicky's own chest. The hand that she had framed so delicately around her cheek, she brushed the palm of it softly around the flesh of it. "Lorna," she softly whispered back, nuzzling their foreheads affectionately together. "It's okay. You, you don't have to be this scared to tell me whatever it is you want to. I love you. I love you so much, Lorna, and I'm not going to judge ya for anything you tell me. Is that what's scaring you? Are you scared I'd think less of you?"
Nicky brushed a strand of hair from Lorna's eyes and soothingly kissed her forehead in multiple areas.
"Nicky, I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," was all that slipped from Lorna's trembling lips. The tears finally consumed her, gradually turning into sniffles that she could no longer stifle. The pang in her chest morphed into heaving sobs that she no longer had the ability to control. She felt like the whole car was suddenly sitting on top of her body, rendering her paralyzed as she sat there in her girlfriend's arms blubbering without the ability to stop herself.
Taking Lorna's head in her hands, Nicky pecked her forehead once more before gently laying it onto her chest while engulfing her arms around her trembling body. She pressed her body against Lorna's as she cradled her close, hoping the slight pressure would somehow calm her enough to stop the violent shaking and tremoring. "Shh," her voice hushed warmly into the brunette's ear, she rocked her softly while combing a hand tenderly through brown waves. "Shh," she hushed again and with her arm that was tightly held around Lorna's waist, she used her hand to rub comfortingly up and down her back. The sobs intensified, yet the shaking subsided a slight amount. Nicky continued to apply gentle pressure by allowing their bodies to naturally press up to one another. "Shh. You're safe, you're safe. I've got ya, Lorna. I have you, my sweet Lorna."
Massaging her fingers tenderly through Lorna's scalp, Nicky nestled their bodies even closer. The only thing that, in that moment, appeared to bring her sufficient comfort that it lessened the trembles. "Shh," she whispered at the heartrending sound of another sob. Her lips rested on the top of Lorna's head while her fingers continued to stroke through the hair that spilled from it. "You're allowed to lay here with me and cry, doll. I'm here; I'm right here and I'm not going anywhere. Let it all out; let all of it out, Lorna."
Sputtering on her own spit, Lorna uneasily opened her puffy eyes to return Nicky's gaze. She let her mouth open but the trembling of her lips stopped her from saying anything. The whole ordeal made her feel weak. Emotionally, mentally, physically. She was a weak, cowardly, human being. And fat, too. Her breath hitched in her throat only to heave out another body-shaking sob. She wanted to move from the warm embrace of her lover but she was too weak to do so. Everything in her ached.
Nicky shook her head and tightened her arms, peering down at her with love in her big brown eyes. "You don't have to say anything, baby, just cry. Let me snuggle you, yeah? Just cry and snuggle in my arms, Lorna," she softly cried out, pulling the younger girl even closer. Letting her chin rest on top of Lorna's head. Her hand cradling behind it, hugging it to her chest. The one place she knew she could keep Lorna safe, where she could make sure Lorna felt loved and wanted. Where she, herself, felt needed.
"Raw," the brunette rediscovered her voice, the word describing her current state to a T. Everything felt raw. Her throat, clearly from all the crying, her emotions, her physical being—it was all raw. She swallowed, it was almost painful from how raw and dry it had been. "I feel raw, hon." The sobs faded into sniffles. She finally felt control over her body again and she shakily reached her hands up towards Nicky's face, letting them rest on each of her cheeks. "Everything," she whispered, breathless from all of the emotions that just spilled out of her, "everything feels raw."
"I know," Nicky acknowledged, tilting her head slightly as she gazed affectionately down into Lorna's teary eyes. "I know," her voice repeated, she reached a finger to gently tuck a strand of hair behind her ear. "You can be raw with me, Lorna. I want you to. You never have to be afraid to let any of your emotions out in front of me. I love you. I love all parts of you, kid. Are you, are you okay now? You wanna lay on me a little longer, just until your breathing calms back down?"
Having Nicky's arms around her gave a certain sort of security that Lorna never realized she needed before—or that she was missing from her life. It was a sense that her body craved, yearned for, but her mind contradicted that and tried its hardest to convince Lorna while she may feel like she needed that safety, she undeniably hadn't deserved even an ounce of it. Tears only continued to fall from her eyes at the thought. She felt it pulling rather heavily on her heart. Guilt, adoration, shame, warmth—so many swirling emotions coursed through her veins at once. It was almost suffocating how much she felt all at one time. Breathing seemed near impossible.
Watching her girlfriend struggling just to take in a few breaths instinctively caused Nicky to strengthen her hold on the girl. A crack in her chest, she felt, to see how much Lorna was truly suffering in that moment. She swallowed a bit of saliva and let her eyes shut for a miniscule second. The world was crashing down on the two lovers. That was what it felt like, anyway, Nicky thought. She rocked them both gently, resting her chin atop Lorna's head while peering out through the window. A few people walked by with a wailing child right behind them, she observed. Her head shook at the sight. The child probably stood there wailing over something meaningless as she sat in that car consoling a wailing Lorna, who had legitimate reasoning for her tears. If only little tykes like the one on the other side of the window knew how easy they had it, the redhead mentally affirmed. She huffed out a breath and refocused her awareness on the shaky girl in her arms.
Minutes went by before either teen said anything. Lorna finally felt the sobs die down a sufficient amount that she was able to properly inhale air back to her lungs. She pushed herself slightly up so that her face was directly in front of Nicky's. A tenderness emanated from her big brown eyes and Lorna's heart swelled. Her cheeks were sticky from all the tears, she swallowed uneasily. The affection Nicky had for her was something her mind convinced her she hadn't deserved. Hadn't been worthy enough for such a warm sensation. Too much had been done to her, too much had been taken from her and she wasn't prepared to burden her precious Nicky with any of that.
Sucking in another, deeper, breath, Lorna reached her hands—much steadier hands now—up to cup very softly around the older girl's cheeks. "I-I don't know what I did to deserve someone like you in my life, hon. You, you're my angel. I can never thank you enough," she murmured, voice somewhat raspy from all the crying she'd done. Despite that fact, however, she gradually moved her face closer to Nicky's and naturally allowed their lips to brush together. It was the only thing that she could think to do that might possibly express just how deeply she meant each of those words that only moments ago came from her mouth.
The sensation took Nicky temporarily by surprise but rapidly she found herself returning the kiss with the same natural tenderness. A slow, sweet kiss that lasted a few moments before she lovingly broke it, pulling away slightly so that she could cup her hands over top of the ones resting on her own cheeks. "I say the same thing about you every day, Lorna," she informed the brunette, her voice breathier than usual as she let her thumb caress slowly over the knuckles of her lover's hand.
"You're my angel. You have no idea how much having you in my life means to me, kid. Really," Nicky continued, pressing her lips warmly over the flesh of Lorna's temple. Her eyes grew serious once more as she peered into the younger girl's. "Are you able to talk to me about whatever it was that made you breakdown like that? I—I just want to help you, doll."
The query instantly had Lorna clammed up. She swallowed a lump, shifting her eyes up and down as she tried to piece together a coherent thought. "I, um, I think we should probably go catch up with Franny before she worries. Or worries anymore."
Nicky sighed but didn't budge from her position. "You don't have to pretend in front of me," her voice assured in a hushed murmur. She patted the hand she covered over Lorna's delicately and decided her suggestion was probably for the best. "I guess that's a good idea, kid, she's probably wondering where we are. We can pick this conversation back up later, yeah?" Her thumb pushed a loose piece of hair softly away from frantic brown eyes.
"I love you," the brunette responded back with; the only words she could form without having to obsessively think about them.
A sigh escaped her at the comment Nicky made; it dug a deeper hole in her chest to hear how severely the older teen seemed to want to be there for her. Nicky seriously was an angel, she said to herself. An angel that she was not worthy of. Not in the slightest. Nicky didn't need to be burdened with her or her petty little problems, she believed. Nicky didn't deserve any of that. She was too sweet, too loving, too pure for Lorna.
Lorna covered up the ramping thoughts with a smile, very gradually lifting herself from the warm embrace of her sweet Nicky. Her sweet Nicky who she desired to keep at a distance from all the darkness that seemed to be taking over her life. Nicky didn't need to inadvertently take on any of her own darkness or pain, she affirmed, that wasn't her burden to carry. She swallowed a wad of saliva and pushed the whirling mental conversating aside so that her mind could focus on the current reality once more.
Following the brunette out from the open door of the car, Nicky abruptly stopped once they were standing out in the parking garage. Her eyes widened at the remembrance that she still had forgotten to reach out to Red to advise her of where she'd been. Guilt quickly overrode her at such an acknowledgement; she reached in her jacket's pocket for her phone. Flipping the screen up, she noticed there were several missed calls from the very Russian matron herself and felt the guilt tear through her even more.
"What's wrong, hon?" Lorna softly inquired when she noticed the shameful mien molded onto the taller teen's face. Her eyes deterred down to the phone in her hands, automatically coming to the conclusion that Nicky had never called Red to inform her that she was spending the night at her place the evening earlier and clasped her hand over her mouth. The realization only added to her own sense of guilt. She was the culprit for that, she assured herself, she shouldn't have allowed Nicky to drive her home after school to begin with and none of them would be in their current predicament.
"I'm an idiot and forgot to call Red last night, now I have a bunch a missed calls from her. I better call her real quick," Nicky pointed out while dialing her maternal figure's number.
The brunette instinctively cringed hearing the girl she loved insulting herself. A frown melded on her face as she let a hand rest on Nicky's shoulder while she seemed to be waiting for the line to be picked up. "You're not an idiot, honey," her voice murmured quietly, allowing her fingers to caress delicately up and down the shoulder she held her hand against.
Nicky felt a small smile form from the corner of her lips, peering her eyes over at Lorna while she waited through the rings. There was a noticeable warmth flowing through her chest and into her veins, she cupped a hand around a porcelain cheek and gave it a soft pat. Finally, she heard the line pick up and a very thickened accent greeted her on the other end.
"Nicky, finally, thank god," Red immediately commented once she clicked to accept the call.
As soon as the sound of her phone ringing hit her ears, she had turned her attention away from the bulky computer screen and rummaged through her handbag until she had the culprit of said sound in her hands. The worry she felt with not having heard from the young girl—who she'd taken under her wing much more now since she'd moved in—subsequently before school had ended the previous afternoon was almost unbearable. The pang that'd been in her chest had now eased away. Her Nicky was okay.
"I totally forgot to call last night and let ya know I was staying with Lorna and her sister, ma. I'm so sorry I made ya worry for so long," Nicky answered back, guilt easily noted in her voice. The last thing she wanted was to disappoint one of the few people in her life that she truly cared about. She swallowed thickly and felt the hand on her shoulder squeeze it in comfort. An appreciative glance she threw towards Lorna, nodding to her.
Sipping her mug of tea that she had prepared only moments before her phone went off, Red let out a breath of air and rolled her neck slightly from one shoulder to the other. It wasn't that she was mad or upset with Nicky, more so worried and concerned that she hadn't reached out sooner. But that was just her nature as a mother to worry for those she loved. She shrugged to herself and took another sip of the warm liquid. "It's okay, honey, I'm not really mad at you. I just wish you'd have called me last night but there's no sense in dwelling on what can't be changed, huh? How come you and Lorna aren't at school though? Is everything okay with you girls?"
Leaning her back against the metal of the car behind it, Nicky reached a hand up to run through her thick curls. She shifted her feet beneath her as she thought of how to explain what occurred the prior evening without giving her surrogate mother a heart attack right then and there. It wasn't like anyone was hurt—anyone who mattered, anyway—just more of a mentally traumatizing ordeal, she concluded.
"Okay, before I say anything, promise me ya won't panic too much, yeah?"
Red stifled an unnerving chuckle at such words. That couldn't be a good sign, she thought. "Well, that's a comforting start," her voice uneasily pointed out. "Are you two in trouble or something? What did you do? Please tell me you didn't do anything stupid, Nicky. I don't like the sound of not panicking too much."
Lifting her head in an upward position, Nicky let her eyes peer up at the ceiling of the parking garage she and Lorna were in. A sigh made its way out of her at how frantic the older woman already sounded. She couldn't imagine how much more she'd be after being told of the whole Mr. Morello and gun debacle that took place the prior evening. A drop of water fell from the cement up above, landing directly on her face and she rolled her eyes in irritation. She reached her hand to wipe the droplet off of her cheek.
"We're not in trouble," Nicky gently assured right off the bat. She peeked her eyes momentarily over at her girlfriend, who stood a few feet away to give her a little space but was watching with tender eyes of her own. "There was a little incident last night with, um, Lorna's dad. He, erm, he was kinda drunk and was just trying to scare us with a gun outside."
A little incident, the words repeated in Red's mind, with Lorna's father and a gun. She squinted her eyes, trying to piece everything together so that she could properly comprehend the situation. Another sip of tea she took, more harshly than needed, while placing her free hand onto her forehead. A sickness lurked inside her at the thought of a gun being anywhere near Nicky or Lorna. What the hell kind of insanity had ensued the previous evening at the Morello household, she wondered furiously.
She clasped a hand over her mouth. Lorna's father had been drunk…with a gun in his possession and two young teens in his presence. Oh god, she thought, he could have fucking killed them both. Anger instantly boiled through each one of her veins at such a heartrending realization. She gritted her teeth together, "Are you and Lorna okay? Are you both safe? Where are you girls?"
A tightness formed in Nicky's chest at the clear apprehension that so easily oozed from Red's voice through her frantic interrogation. There was nothing she loathed more than to cause any of her loved ones any amount of panic or concern. It hurt to be the reason for their justifiable pain, she reasoned. "We're okay and safe, ma. He didn't even shoot at us, I think he was just trying to spook us really. And anyway, I drove her and I to her older sister's place immediately after," she quickly informed the other, hoping to ease some of the worry she had to have been feeling.
"Okay, okay," Red breathed out, her heart-rate slowing back to a more normal rhythm. Even though the incident was certainly despicable and dangerous, she found solace in knowing that the man hadn't been shooting at the two girls in the very least. "Are you two still at Lorna's sister's place now? I just wanna know where you're at, Nicky. And did any of you call the police after it happened?"
"Yes, ma, the police were called. Everything's taken care of now. But we're, erm, at the hospital right now, actually. Mr. Morello was brought here and Lorna wanted to see him—"
"No, Nicky, I don't want you anywhere near that man after he tried to shoot you girls. He could have killed you both," the Russian matron rapidly interjected her surrogate daughter before she could even finish what she was saying. "Don't you dare go in whatever room he's in, you hear me? I don't feel comfortable allowing that. And I don't think it would be wise for Lorna to be near him, either."
Such words easily displayed the sheer amount of care that Red had for her, Nicky acknowledged with glistening eyes. Her heart swelled up immediately at the stern, yet loving, tone in Mrs. Reznikov's voice on the other end of the phone. The stern, loving, tone that was directed at her. Something her biological mother never ever had inflected in her own voice when speaking to Nicky, she recalled. The moistness from her eyes hit her cheeks and she became aware that she'd been crying. No one besides Red and Lorna had the ability to make her cry, she quickly realized.
Nicky cleared her throat to distract herself from the falling tears and inhaled rather sharply. "It's okay, ma, nothing's gonna happen. Lorna needs to see him for her own piece of mind and I can't let her go in alone. But I promise ain't nothin' gonna happen, yeah? We're in a public hospital and he's in liver failure so I don't think he'll be trying to get up to attack us," she did her best to reassure the blatantly distressed school nurse on the other end.
"I do, however, really appreciate your concern, ma. I, uh, I love you."
That was the first time Red ever heard those three beautiful words come from the young redhead's mouth. It instinctively caused a mistiness to build up in her blue eyes. She swallowed a decent amount of saliva and closed her eyes tightly, taking everything gradually in. From the moment she met young Nicky the first day of her ninth grade year, there was a maternal connection between the two. So, now, to have Nicky living with her and telling her she loved her—it swelled up her heart with the utmost warmth and affection. There was nothing she had craved for more, in all her life, than to have a daughter and now, she had her sweet Nicky. And to think that last night all of that could have been so easily swiped away from her, oh did that enrage her like no other.
She sucked in another breath and pushed through the anger. "I love you, too, darling. That's why I'm not fond of the idea of you going in that damn room with that man. But I know you're right, he can't do anything where he is now. I just don't like it. He could of hurt you and Lorna, that son of a bitch, or killed you and I am pissed. When he gets outta that hospital, he better pray he's going to jail. Because if he's not, he'll be getting a visit from me and that'll make him wish he was in jail instead. I don't let anyone hurt the people I love and care about," her Russian accent thickened with each word she spoke, the angrier her tone the thicker her accent. But she didn't care—no one hurt her girls and got away with it, she angrily thought. She hoped for Mr. Morello's sake that he was going to jail after his release from the hospital because she couldn't promise she wouldn't show up at his doorstep if he didn't get hauled away to an encaged cell.
Chapter Text
Chapter Thirty-Five
The two teens finally made their way into the hospital—a mere thirty minutes after the car had been parked in the parking garage—stopping at an informational desk that was straight ahead off the elevator they just exited. An older gentleman stood behind it, a friendly smile on his face as the two approached him. He nodded, after Nicky was the one to voice the question, and advised them that where they were headed was located on the second floor with a waiting room and nurses' station separating the regular wing of rooms from the ICU rooms.
Taking another set of elevators—clear across the hall from the one that they had moments ago got off of—up to the second floor like they'd just been advised to do, Nicky took that time to wrap her arms around Lorna's smaller body. She pulled her closer, brushing her lips gently atop her head and kept the embrace until the machine came to a stop at the floor above the previous one. A bell rung to alert them that they had arrived on the floor they'd clicked on and the doors swiftly pried open.
As predicted, the waiting room was right there in front of them when they hopped out of the elevator. A nurses station slightly down the hall on the right and a bay of patient rooms beyond that. An uneasiness slowly began to form in Lorna's body at the realization that she was back standing in a hospital. The one place she vowed to never enter again after the death of her mother. It took a few seconds of coaxing for Lorna to find the will to move her legs once more, she followed behind Nicky to keep her from being able to look at her.
Her eyes kept focus on the tile below as she held her pace. The pattern of it similar to all the other tiled hospital floors she'd observed at the several that Mrs. Morello had stayed at throughout her cancer diagnoses. She didn't look up until she walked right into Nicky's back and nearly made the both of them fall to the ground from her own clumsiness.
The collision immediately had Nicky turn around to peer her girlfriend over. It was clear to her how shaken up the shorter teen was as she stood there, her eyes widened and staring straight ahead like a deer in headlights. A sigh escaped her to see that; she quickly enveloped her arms securely around Lorna's waist, pulling her in for a warming embrace. "You know we don't have to do this, yeah kid? If ya changed your mind and don't wanna see your dad, that's okay. We don't have to. I don't want you to be scared," she huskily assured the younger girl. Her eyes gazed down at her in nothing but the utmost compassion.
"No, no, I want to do this. I just—I hate hospitals is all," Lorna quickly replied, forcing herself to stand up straighter to exude confidence.
Albeit confidence being the furthest thing from her mind at that particular moment. None of what she felt at that point had anything to do with confidence or her father, she observed. It had everything to do with her mother. Her mother who took her last breath in a hospital similar to the one they stood in now, hell that hospital might have even very well been the same one Stansie died in. She couldn't remember either way, though, with her mind too focused on keeping her thoughts in check.
Nicky sighed, not entirely convinced but said nothing further on the matter. There was no sense in causing an argument right now, she figured. Lorna didn't need to have another breakdown so soon after the earlier one. Instead, she settled for gently guiding the brunette over to the waiting area where she had caught sight of Franny, sitting cross-legged on a chair near the window. The pair made their way over to her and she helped Lorna to sit down right beside her older sister.
Hearing the commotion, Franny looked up to find the cause of it and quickly took notice of Lorna and Nicky. There were faded tear stains on her younger sister's face, she instantly observed, and immediately the pang in her chest only intensified. She acknowledged that that was her own doing; she was too harsh on Lorna, too rough with her words and she regretted her previous actions quite immensely.
Her hands rapidly reached over to the younger brunette and cupped delicately around her cheeks. She sighed, observing her face meticulously and seeing the very faint trepidation that tried to stay hidden. Of course there was fear, Lorna despised hospitals ever since their mother was found to have had the cancer. "You been cryin', haven't ya Lorn?" Franny brushed a thumb soothingly along the flesh of her sister's pale cheek and then pulled her in for a maternal embrace. Despite her sister's naivety and very clear denial, Franny would always be there to comfort and take care of her no matter how exhausted the girl made her.
"I'm good," Lorna bounced her shoulders up in a shrug but gladly returned the hug, letting her head instinctively rest against Franny's shoulder. She exhaled sharply, shutting her eyes for a quick moment. The sterile environment of the hospital gave her the creeps. Her hands rapidly grabbed at her older sister's shirt, almost in an involuntary manner. She didn't realize she'd done that until the sensation of cotton hit against her skin.
Tightening her hold on the small teen, Franny bit down on her lip. If she heard Lorna say she was good one more time…Just breathe, she interrupted herself with an easy command. Now wasn't the time or place to be stirring up an argument with the young girl, she pleaded with herself. And the fact that Lorna had spent time crying convinced her that arguing with her would do nothing but cause more distress for her, she breathed out. Lorna had enough going on right now, she didn't need to get on her case about the word good. Even though it was clear as day to Franny that her sister was the opposite of good.
Watching the two with attentive eyes, Nicky sat in the chair right beside her girlfriend. She shook her head at the comment Lorna made just seconds ago. Lorna was far from good, she knew. And it broke her heart that Lorna was so afraid to admit that fact, so clearly afraid to let herself fall apart. Afraid to admit that it was okay to fall apart sometimes. Nicky sighed sadly, turning slightly in her chair to face the other two. She placed a hand on Lorna's back and gave it a soft pat. "You're not good, kid," she whispered affectionately, letting her eyes peer her over with a sadness lurking in them.
The comment may have gone unheard by the smaller brunette but it certainly hadn't missed Franny's ears. She looked across at Nicky and gave her a sad smile in return. It was beyond obvious to her how much the redhead seemed to truly care for her younger sister—that realization alone was enough to melt Franny's heart. Lorna was the closest thing to her, after her little boy, and to know that she had someone like Nicky who clearly appeared to love her so fiercely, it made her feel a sense of peace. Lorna deserved that kind of love, she affirmed silently. Because, in spite of her shortcomings, Lorna loved with all of her heart and would—without a doubt in her mind—would love back with just as much intensity.
"I appreciate you," Franny mouthed silently to the redhead who sat on the other side of her sister.
Lorna finally lifted her head from Franny's shoulder and sat up straight in her seat. Her eyes wandered around their surroundings, faint sounds of beeping monitors were easily picked up by her rather sensitive ears and it immediately reminded her of all the times she spent at her mother's bedside. Those same beeping sounds were heard as she'd sit holding Mrs. Morello's hand, listening to her rattled breaths. It almost soothed her to hear the beeps as she sat there in the waiting room, now.
Her eyes found their way back to Franny and she nudged her gently, yet with a slight impatience as well. "Did ya see dad yet? Is he in pain?"
"I mean I found the room he's in and they appear to have him on some strong pain medicine," Franny muttered, rolling her eyes at the statement she shared.
In a twisted way, or maybe out of her crave for revenge, she would have rather they didn't give her father any medicine for whatever pain he may have been in. He deserved to feel that pain—after all the abuse he caused Lorna and herself, oh god did she want him to be tortured for that.
"Oh," Lorna deadpanned, letting her eyes peer down at the hands she sprawled out on her thighs. She secretly had hoped their father could feel some of the pain. Like the pain he inflicted on the two of them. She clasped her hands roughly together and bit the side of her mouth unhappily. A frown took up form on her face. It wasn't fair that Mr. Morello got medicine to take away his pain while she and Franny always had to suffer through the mental anguish his abuse had caused them.
She ominously jumped up from the chair she sat in and started briskly walking away from the waiting area, down the hall towards the wing of patient rooms. After making a quick pit stop at the nurses station for her father's room number, she continued on the path until she found the number above one of the doors and slowly made her way inside of it. The room was colder than the hallway and waiting room, she rapidly came to find out. Her body instinctively shivered as she shut the door behind her.
The bed with her father on it sat in the middle of the room. It was a one patient per room occupancy hospital and the room was rather nice, she noticed. And that only added to her anger. The anger she so desperately wanted to take out on the very man who lay sleeping on that damn hospital bed in front of her very eyes. She stood at the side of it, hovering over the railing and letting her eyes glare darkly down on Mr. Morello's sleeping form. There was no sign of any pain or discomfort on his face and that boiled her blood.
Why did he get to lay in that hospital comfortably while she and Nicky suffered mentally from his traumatizing behavior? It wasn't fair, she thought, it wasn't fair at all. She held her hands out, very slowly bringing them closer to his face. His neck looked enticing to wrap her hands around, squeeze it until he couldn't breathe anymore. She swallowed uncomfortably at the thought. What the hell was she thinking? What the fuck was she doing? Before her hands could reach around his neck like she so craved, she quickly retreated them and rested her arms at her sides. She couldn't kill another person, she reasoned with herself, even if she felt her dad deserved death. It wasn't going to be at her own hands. She shook her head and inhaled deeply.
Two eyes popped open and glanced up at her with confusion. Lorna looked back down, realizing her father was awake and gradually backed herself away from the bed. The confusion on his face swiftly morphed into rage as he yanked the oxygen from his mouth and then reached his hands up towards Lorna's neck, pulling on the flesh so tight that it made her fall onto the edge of the bed. He tried to grip onto it once more but she fought him off and then the door to the room creaked loudly open.
Nicky frisked her way in ahead of Franny and scooped Lorna up off the bed, carrying her back out of the open door. The sound of Mr. Morello's voice yelling out from his room boomed in her ears but it wasn't enough to halt her from running farther away. All that mattered to her, in that moment, was making sure she and her girlfriend were as far away from that man as humanly possible.
Left alone with her—who she now considered—demented father, Franny glared down at him as he lay there supposedly a fragile, sickly, man in the hospital bed. Mentally, she wanted to laugh at the thought of anyone ever looking at Mr. Morello and referring to him as fragile. For she knew he was completely opposite of fragile—a menacing, decrepit man just like his brother. She shook her head with a sigh, allowing her eyes to meticulously look over his entire body. How she longed for him to be in pain. That was the least he deserved after not only what he caused to take place the prior evening, but also for the years of abuse he bestowed upon both she and Lorna.
Rage boiled beneath her skin the longer she kept her gaze on him. Just being in the same room made the rate of her heart-beat increase drastically. It sickened her to stare at the man who spent a good portion of last night scaring two teenager girls with a damn gun. She felt tempted to strangle him right then and there. A deep breath taken in, she rationalized with herself that violence wouldn't solve anything. She couldn't afford to be carted off to jail for assaulting her father, not when she had a son to think about and an unstable younger sister who needed her.
"Why? Why did you think it was okay to chase Lorna and her girlfriend with a gun? What the hell's wrong with ya? I'm not letting Lorna stay with ya, anymore, I hope you know that. I mean not like you'll be able to do anything to stop that from happening, anyway, since you'll be in prison after they discharge ya," Franny gritted her teeth together to keep her voice from yelling like she had so heavily yearned to do. Her eyes, however, had no problem staring daggers down at the very man who inflicted such a rage inside of her.
The words she spewed out were fervently disregarded by Mr. Morello. He turned slightly on his side and reached his hand over to grab hold of the medicinal pain pump that was connected to a pole on the left of his bed. Using his thumb, he pressed it hard against the button which gradually released a dose of the morphine he'd been prescribed for his abdominal pain.
Franny observed the entire thing and that only added to her fury. It didn't sit well with her that her abusive, drunken, asshat of a father was laying comfortably in a hospital bed with easy access to pain medicine so that he could get relief while Lorna never seemed to get any relief for her mental pain. That simple fact brought the urge to strangle him back even stronger. She closed her eyes and inhaled a sharp breath. Strangling him wouldn't do anything of benefit, she reminded herself.
"Ya already answered your own question, dumbass. Lorna wants to have a girlfriend and be a dyke? Not in my house. I refuse to be the father of a little dyke girl," Mr. Morello retorted once he felt the effects of the pain pump start to kick in. Despite his eyes appearing bloodshot, he glared right back at his eldest child with a venom so intense it could easily kill a fly.
"Lorna is not a fucking dyke, first of all. She has a girlfriend who clearly loves and cares about her more than you could ever be capable of and you're our father. A piece of shit father at that," the brunette woman began, placing a hand over her temple to massage at the already forming headache. "And the fact that you would try to shoot her and her girlfriend because they're girlfriends further shows what a piece of shit you are. Don't worry, dad, you won't have to worry about Lorna being in your house period. She's moving in with me."
Eyes widened in a rage, Mr. Morello bolted up in the bed faster than a squirrel crossing the street to escape human contact. He shook his head rather violently while staring darkly up into his daughter's blue eyes. If she thought he was going to allow her to take Lorna from his house, she was dead wrong. Oh, no, he thought, there was absolutely no way he'd allow anything of the sort. Lorna didn't need to live with some dyke-enabling sister of hers, he silently affirmed.
"Over my dead body will I ever let that happen. You're not fit to take care of your sister, you're insane to even think that. Lorna ain't living under the roof of anyone who would fucking coddle her and enable her to be in a relationship with another little girl. That's fucking sick, Francine."
Franny balled her hands into fists, holding them unnervingly against her sides. More than tempted to swing them right into that man's throat. Anger steadily rose with each word that spit out of his gruesome mouth. "Sick? Ya wanna talk about sick? The only fucking sick thing here is you. You're fucking sick, dad, in the head. You could have killed your own daughter yesterday, ya know that? You coulda killed her girlfriend too. And ya know what? I'm more fit to look after Lorna than you are, that's for damn sure. She's clearly suffering with some kinda mental thing—and no, I'm not talking about her being in relationship with a girl so don't twist my words—and you haven't done shit to help her. I don't care what you say, I am not allowing you to have Lorna at home with you. You're just making everything so much worse for her and I can't let it go on anymore. Because one day you might actually kill her and I couldn't fucking live with myself if that happened. So fuck you."
Sat in the car, Franny turned her head to focus her eyes behind her on the two teens who hadn't said much since they had all gotten in the vehicle only moments earlier. A sigh expelled from her lungs. The whole ordeal continued to increase the exhaustion that she'd felt. She reached her hands up to place over each of her temples, a nervous habit she hoped would calm her flaring nerves. The only positive thing that came out of all of what happened was that she finally was able to get Lorna the hell away from their father.
"We're gonna stop at dad's house so ya can pick up some a your stuff, okay Lorn?" She questioned with a furrowed eyebrow.
The younger brunette gave a small nod; her arms wrapped warmly around her girlfriend's shoulders. It hadn't taken her long to realize just how distressed the entire situation made Nicky feel. The pang in her chest increased sufficiently to observe such a fact. A fact that she wished didn't have to be one in the first place. She exhaled slowly and peered up at her sister with an unreadable expression on her face. To hear her sister's suggestion instantly brought a small sense of relief. The only good thing that seemed to come of everything.
"Are ya sayin' I'm getting my stuff so I can move in with ya?" The thought alone comforted her immensely. Living in a place where she hadn't needed to constantly worry whether she was going to do something to piss Mr. Morello off enough to result in physical harm sounded merely too good to be true. It'd been too long since she remembered a day without any of his drunken rages. But she longed for those days before it started.
Franny easily noted the sheer surprise in the younger girl's tone and it both broke her heart and filled her with a warmth. She loathed that Lorna had spent the majority of the past few years in such a great fear of being in their own home. That she had to fear for her life living under the same roof as their own father. Oh, did, that cause such an uproar of anger within her. No child deserved that kind of existence, she thought. With a sigh, she tussled the swirling thoughts aside and focused on the present.
Eyes peered directly behind her into Lorna's, she fixed a smile on her face and nodded her head intuitively. "Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying. Ya think I'm letting ya go back to dad's house after the stunt he pulled yesterday? Hell no. I don't trust him anymore. I shoulda done something sooner, Lorn, really. This whole thing coulda been prevented," she pointed out, turning slightly to peer straight ahead through the windshield. She felt sick with herself for not stepping in earlier; a lump sat in the back of her throat to think that this all could have been prevented had she listened to her instincts sooner.
"It's not your fault, Fran," Lorna muttered, a frown melding onto her face as she looked across the seats in front at the back of Franny's head. She tightened her arm around Nicky's shoulder and felt the pain in her chest slightly increase. It was blatant to her that both of the two people she cared so intensely for were hurting quite a considerable amount now, and she wanted nothing more than to take it all away from them. Neither of them deserved that pain.
Aware, now, that Franny appeared to be blaming herself for what happened—it only made Lorna's guilt stronger. She reached a free hand in front of her to place on the seat where the older brunette was sitting. "You didn't do nothin' wrong, Fran. I don't blame ya for what happened yesterday—I mean, I didn't even know dad had any guns. He's a lot scarier than I thought. I-I just wish he was normal again."
Having sat silently for the past several minutes, Nicky finally found it in her to voice her concerns once more. One hand she carefully reached over to cover lovingly atop her girlfriend's while lifting her head just adequately so that her eyes were able to gaze right into Franny's. The comment that was shared made her wonder exactly how long Lorna had been dealing with that kind of terrifying abuse. She bit down on her lip to control the boiling anger. There had to be a reasonable explanation as to why Franny wouldn't have done anything before now, she tried to assure herself.
"So, uh, this kinda thing has been going on for a while?" Nicky inquired, looking between the two brunettes with an expectant mien on her face.
Receiving two nods in response to her question, she nodded as well and bit down harder on her lip. It enraged her to hear that Lorna had been dealing with that for an undisclosed length of time and she had no awareness of any of it. And that Franny did have awareness of what was happening but obviously did nothing to stop it. She swallowed a distasteful amount of saliva, shaking her head in an anger. "How come you didn't call the police, Franny? Or have Lorna move in with you earlier? I just—I don't fucking understand how you could know she was being hurt by your own damn piece of shit father and not do a damn thing about it."
"Nicky, please don't blame Franny. I-I know it doesn't look good but-but she—"
"No, Lorna, your girlfriend is right to say that," the older brunette quickly interjected. "I shoulda done something a lot sooner than now to help you. I was a coward for not calling the police or letting dad threaten with his meaningless words. But I let that happen anyway and I'm so sorry I failed ya, hon."
Lorna quickly picked up on the sniffling that mixed in with her sister's voice. The frown on her face grew dramatically. She focused her eyes down on the floor for a moment, trying to comprehend the current predicament they were all in. Nothing made sense to her anymore. It couldn't be her sister's fault. No, if anything, she told herself, it was all her own fault. Maybe if she'd been a better daughter—helped around the house more, listened more—none of the abuse would have happened to begin with.
Averting her eyes towards Nicky, she observed the oozing panic from her eyes and that only caused more apprehension to wash over her. She wanted to take the uneasiness away from both of them. But she couldn't. She couldn't even control her own emotions and pain, anymore, it seemed like. The world hardly appeared comprehendible to her now. She brought both hands up to her face and rubbed them viciously over both eyes.
"No, no. No, dad kept—he kept saying if ya did anything that no one would believe you anyway, Franny. You—you did try to help but there wasn't anything you could do, it would just make a whole custody court thing and that would just be a waste of time. They'd just say I should stay with dad anyway because he's our dad. Why waste our time?"
Lorna sighed, turning to fix her eyes on Nicky. She placed a tender hand on her cheek, softly turning it so that their faces were pointed in the same direction. "Nicky, I'm sorry that you're mad at Franny because of me and my dad. But-but Franny, she's a real good sista. Please don't hate her or blame her for what happened. She did really try, but dad wasn't nice to her either and-and she has a little boy to worry about—"
Taking Lorna's face in her hands, the redhead exhaled deeply and brushed her fingers delicately along the flesh of her cheeks. The anger instantly disintegrated as she took in the clear pain that emanated from her girlfriend's brown eyes. It brought a pang to her chest to observe how frantic and bothered Lorna was. "You have nothing to apologize for, kid. You didn't do anything wrong," she sternly assured her first and foremost, leaning closer to press a loving kiss against her forehead.
"I'm not mad at Franny, I just—I'm mad that she was aware of the abuse and I wasn't because she could have done something to stop it. If I would have known before now, I would have fucking done something immediately. I don't hate her, I just don't understand. None a this makes sense to me, kid."
Nicky's eyes peered back up and across at Franny. Eyebrows curved uneasily over her eyes. "How, how could you know that Lorna was being hurt by your own father and not do something to help? I don't want to be mad at you but I don't understand how you could just let her keep going back to a home where you knew she was being abused."
The older brunette nodded understandably. She couldn't blame Nicky's questioning or anger one bit. Because she was angry with herself as well for not doing anything more to help her sister. The whole gun incident the night before could have easily been prevented had she talked to the police earlier about their father's abuse. She swallowed uncomfortably. There was no answer she could ever give that would excuse her actions, she realized. No answer that would be good enough for Nicky she presumed.
"No, you have every right to be mad at me. You're right that I could have done something more to help her and I didn't. I don't have an answer for you that will ever excuse why I didn't do more. I tried to convince our father to just let her move in with me but he wouldn't listen, he just kept saying that she was underage and until she was an adult, she was his responsibility. And would make sure I knew there was nothing I could do to change that."
"But why didn't ya at least tell the police? I don't get it. Why would you just let the abuse continue instead of getting help?"
Lorna couldn't watch the interrogation any longer and threw her hands impatiently up in the air, waving them fiercely in her girlfriend's eyes to stop her from continuing. "Nicky, please stop. I know you're just upset because ya care but dad abused Franny too before she moved out. And he would scare her from saying anything, so, it's not like she just sat at her home in peace. Let's just not talk about this anymore, okay? I—I don't want either of you to be upset, I love ya both so much and I don't like to see either of ya in pain because of me."
With a sigh, Nicky slowly nodded and instinctively wrapped her arms around the smaller teen's waist. It hurt tremendously to know all that her girlfriend had been through and to not have been there to protect her from any of it. She rested her head atop Lorna's, turning slightly so that her eyes were gazing out the window. There was nothing more she yearned for, in that moment, than for all of her girlfriend's pain to dissipate away. She wished so desperately that she would have been aware of the abuse sooner so that she could have helped them. Maybe the events of the night before would have never even happened if she'd known how evil of a man Mr. Morello was earlier. A sigh tumbled up from her throat as she tightened her arms around Lorna's waist. At least, now, something was being done about it. She knew she couldn't keep focusing on what could have been. The past couldn't be changed but the future certainly could.
Chapter Text
Chapter Thirty-Six
As soon as the car pulled onto the curb in front of the Morello household, Franny caught sight of an unfamiliar car parked in the rocky driveway that hadn't been used since before Stansie had passed away. Immediately, she grew suspicious and took a moment to collect herself before exiting the vehicle. She deterred her eyes towards the back where the teens both sat, each looking out the window in dismay. A sigh erupted from her lungs. Finally, she found the will to move again and forced herself out of the car.
It hadn't taken long for Lorna's brown eyes to stumble upon that unfamiliar vehicle as well, just seconds after the older brunette slammed the front door shut. She swallowed uncomfortably and quickly followed suit, pushing open the passenger door and stepping outside. Nicky did the same behind her, standing right at her side once they were both out in the open air. Lorna felt an immediate sense of comfort when Nicky's arm instinctively snaked around her.
The two followed cautiously behind Franny towards the front door of the house. However, once they were standing on the porch and merely headed inside, a woman in a pant-suit with a clipboard in her hand approached them. Most likely she was the owner of the strange car sitting in the driveway of their father's house, Lorna quickly acknowledged. She shifted her feet and glanced over at her sister who already had the key in the lock when the sound of footsteps had all three girls stop in their tracks.
"Is this the Morello residence?"
Rapidly, they all turned to look at the culprit of that voice. A voice that seemed rather cold, monotone even. Franny folded her arms over her chest and gave a hard stare towards the woman. The woman returned the stare just as hard and that only pissed Franny off even more. To have the audacity to speak in such a cold tone when she was the one showing up to a house that didn't belong to her, it angered the brunette in a way she couldn't quite explain. Who did that woman think she was?
"Yes, why? Who are you and how do ya know the name Morello?" Franny threw out her inquiries in a defensive tone. Her arms still crossed spitefully over her chest as she stared the woman down vengefully. She felt the rate of her heart gradually speed up. A million differing thoughts swirled through her mind while she tried to figure out why that complete stranger was standing on their father's front porch. How did she even find the house?
The woman, who's dark brown hair was slicked back into a neat pony-tail, lifted a hand to push the rim of her glasses back against the bridge of her nose. Her brown eyes looked down on the clipboard for a brief second before returning to gaze back ahead at the tall brunette woman. "My name is Natalie Figueroa, I work with CPS and was informed by the police that there is a minor living here with Mr. Morello and he has been abusive towards her. Which one a you would that be?"
CPS. CPS? CPS! Lorna squeezed her eyes shut, lifting her hands slowly to rest over her ears as she tried to comprehend what was just said to them all. The woman standing before them was from the child protective services, she repeated in her mind. That statement alone was enough to cause her to break into an uneasy sweat. Her hands began to grow clammy from beads of water that slowly perspired from the tiny pores of her flesh. She kept her eyes focused on the concrete beneath her feet, trying to stay calm and remembering to breathe.
Franny peered at her sister for a moment, her heart quickly shattering to see how distressed the smaller brunette appeared to be. She swallowed thickly, turning back towards the CPS worker with clear apprehension oozing from the expression on her face. "Um, that would be my younger sister," she unsteadily replied while gesturing her hand over at the very shaky petite brunette beside her, "Lorna. Why? You're not taking her away, are ya? I mean we just came here to get some of her things before I bring her back to my apartment."
"Oh, good, she can go pack up her things and come with me. Clearly, she can't stay here anymore with an abusive father," the dark haired professional commented matter-of-factly.
That suggestion rapidly drained all color from the older brunette's face. She immediately grabbed a hold of her sister's hand, holding it tightly in her own as if to wordlessly assure she wasn't going anywhere with that strange lady. "Yeah, I know that. That's why I brought her here to get her things because she's gonna come stay with me. I'm her older sister and there's no way in hell I'll let her go off with a stranger like you," she sternly retorted back. Like hell she'd ever let Lorna go with a CPS worker, she thought.
Miss Figueroa frowned slightly at the blatantly upset taller brunette girl; she adjusted her glasses once more and recoiled her shoulders in a shrug. "You're her sister? Well, unfortunately, you have no say in the matter. Lorna has been court ordered to come with me. Until a judge can deem Mr. Morello fit to have her back, she will be going to stay with a foster family that the county has picked out. You are free to visit her whenever you like but you have no rights to her since you're not her parent or legal guardian."
"Wait, what? I have no legal rights to be my own sister's guardian? The hell are ya talkin' about? She's my sister. Why would the stupid county force her to live with complete strangers when she can just come stay with me? I don't understand. I'm over the age of eighteen I should be allowed to take my own sister in," Franny desperately cried out, enraged to hear such news. How could their lives be turned upside down like this in less than twenty-four hours? Everything was happening so fast that she barely had time to make sense of any of it.
The older woman crossed her arms over her chest and exhaled a breath of air. She shook her head in a merely impatient fashion; there certainly wasn't enough time for them to continue to stand out there and argue over something that had already been decided by a court, she silently thought. "No, just because you're her older sister does not mean you free reign get custody of her if your parents aren't fit enough to raise her. You would need to apply for legal guardianship, which would go through the court system. And, still, she will have to stay with a foster family until that's settled. It can take months for guardianship to be granted so I advise if that's what you want, you better do it now."
Her dark eyes deterred over at the smaller brunette, who's legs very faintly trembled as they tried to hold her up, and motioned her hands toward the door. "Can you go inside and pack up your things, Lorna? We need to get you to your foster family's house. They're waiting for you and I have some other stops I need to take care of."
Watching the whole interaction made Nicky feel immensely uneasy about it all. She instinctively wrapped her arm protectively around the quivering brunette's waist and cautiously led her into the house. They made their way up the stairs to her bedroom—both Franny and the CPS worker choosing to wait down in the living room—and once the pair were in it, she hurriedly shut and locked the door. It was obvious to her how pale and shaky Lorna had gotten and Nicky certainly wasn't going to allow her to leave with that bitch of a worker when she was in such a state like that.
Laying the trembling brunette carefully against the mattress of her bed, Nicky lain there beside her and engulfed her arms securely around her waist. Her lips rested atop her head, brushing soothing kisses all along it. There was a tightness clearly evident in her chest as she lay there with her girlfriend in her arms—somehow, she felt like all of this was her own fault. She'd done this to Lorna, to Franny. Even though the rational part of her brain knew that was a bunch of horse shit. The only person truly responsible for what was now going on was Mr. Morello.
"It's gonna be okay, kid," she murmured warmly against the younger girl's ear. The same ear that she tenderly tucked a strand of brown hair behind. Her arms pulled Lorna closer, so close that her head was resting directly over her chest. She brushed a hand lovingly through dark waves of hair, letting her eyes gaze out into the abyss. A stickiness was felt on her cheeks, startling her. When she lifted her free hand to explore the cause, she was shocked to realize she was crying.
Lorna innately threw her own arms snugly around the redhead's middle, closing her eyes for a moment. Laying in the older teen's embrace was one of the only places she truly felt at peace. Truly felt safe and cared for. A sniffle made its way to the surface and she finally acknowledged that everything in her life was about to change. Something she wasn't sure she was okay with. She lifted her head just enough so that she could look at Nicky's face. The second she did, she noticed the tear stains on her cheeks and felt her breath hitch.
"Nicky," her voice hummed warmly, she placed a shaky hand against Nicky's soft cheek and stroked away her tears. "You're crying, hon. Are you okay? So much has happened the past day and I haven't even realized the effect it's all had on you, my Nicky." Raw emotion inflected from her voice; she let the tips of her fingers caress lightly along the flesh of her girlfriend's face. Guilt once again came to the surface when she observed the blatant agony that seeped from Nicky's big brown eyes.
"Tell me how you're feeling, Nicky. I'm so sorry you hadda go through all this with me, it's too much. You don't deserve any a this, hon."
Tender words brought a warmth to Nicky's chest. Her arms only snuggled Lorna closer to her body, she craved the closeness. The warmth, love, and affection such a sensation provided. But then the word sorry coming from precious Lorna's mouth tensed her up once more. She swallowed uneasily and let her eyes peer down into the brunette's. "Please stop apologizing, kid. You haven't done anything wrong. None a this is any a your fault, ya hear me?"
When the smaller girl reluctantly nodded, Nicky brushed a loving hand through her hair and continued. "I'm okay, kid. I'm just…I'm sad that all of this shit is happening to ya, yeah? It's not fair that you have to pay the price for what your asshole of a father did. He was the one being an abusive piece of shit and they're taking you outta your own home? It makes me angry. He should be the one hauled the hell outta this house and thrown in prison. You shouldn't be the one who is dragged to a strange environment with people who know nothing about you. On what fucking planet is that fair?"
"It's okay, honey," Lorna quickly soothed, moving her arms up to wrap lovingly around Nicky's neck. She pressed her lips comfortingly over the flesh of her forehead, stroking the palms of her hands slowly along the outline of her face. "I know it's not fair but there's not much we can do, is there? I just, I don't want you to burden yourself over this. Please, Nicky. One of the reasons I never said anything was because I didn't want you to worry and stress yourself out over everything. Because you do that a lot and it's not good for ya, hon."
She pressed her lips delicately over each of Nicky's cheeks, desperately hoping to bring her any form of comfort she could. Maybe she was slightly projecting her own need for comfort onto the redhead, or maybe it was the noticeable trepidation that seeped through her eyes convincing her she needed it. Regardless of reasoning, Lorna rearranged their positions so that she was the one holding Nicky against her own body. She rested her chin tenderly atop the mess of red curls that made up her girlfriend's head, using a hand to tussle lovingly through a few thick strands.
Nicky shook her head profusely. None of anything was okay, she mentally affirmed. The whole situation was fucked up and the complete opposite of okay. Lorna's life turned upside down in less than a day and that wasn't fair. Someone as caring and loving as her girlfriend didn't deserve what was currently being done to her. Her hands reached to cradle around two pale cheeks. "None of what's happened to you is okay, doll. You don't deserve any of this, not a single damn ounce. I just—I wish there was something I could do to make all of it just go away," she firmly assured the younger girl, letting her forehead rest softly against hers.
Inhaling slowly, Lorna closed her eyes for a quiet second. The feeling of Nicky's forehead resting on her own, she let herself become momentarily immersed in it, allowing everything else to disperse away. Nothing mattered other than being aware of only herself and Nicky together. She sucked in more air, easily pressing her lips overtop her girlfriend's. It was merely an automatic response. Her eyes remained shut for as long as their lips touched; the thought of opening them once more meant that she would have to return her focus on reality. And right now, her reality hadn't looked too optimistic.
Their lips being brushed delicately together in a warm kiss, Nicky cradled both of her hands around the brunette's porcelain cheeks. She moved their faces in order to deepen the kiss; there wasn't a more affectionate sensation than the feeling of Lorna's soft lips gliding ever-so-delicately atop her own. Several minutes slipped by the pair as they lay on the bed together engulfed in each other's arms—lost in the kiss and agonizing despair—before they were both brought back to the present from the harsh knocking on Lorna's bedroom door.
"You needa hurry up and get your stuff, Lorn, that lady ain't very patient," Franny called out while standing in the hallway with her hands held against the wooden frame of the door.
With a disgruntled grumble, Lorna untangled herself rather unenthusiastically from the loving embrace of her girlfriend and jolted up off of her bed. She hurriedly made her way over to her closet to retrieve a suitcase and then began to throw clothes from her dressers into it. Her eyes didn't pay much attention to what she was choosing to pack, none of it mattered in the grand scheme of things. Everything appeared to be occurring at such a swift pace that she barely had the time to process anything—her emotions, feelings, let alone what the fuck clothes she was taking from her wardrobe.
The older girl was at her side in a matter of seconds. It wasn't challenging for her to see how distraught her girlfriend clearly looked, she mentally noted. A tightness slowly loomed in the pit of her chest. Yet again, she knelt down on the floor beside Lorna and found herself feeling just as helpless as ever. Nothing she could offer to do would make of any of this better, she acknowledged with a huge puff of air expelling from her lungs.
"How can I help, kid?" Still, she thought, she needed to do something for the brunette. Sitting back and watching her struggle to gather her necessities wasn't sufficient for Nicky. She wanted to be there for the girl she so desperately loved and adored. The girl who certainly deserved none of what was currently going on in her life.
Zipping up the suitcase, Lorna finally turned her head to fix her gaze on the frantic redhead beside her. An uneasiness now materialized through the room. As it so often had, the utter apprehension that melded on the other's face involuntarily caused a strong bout of guilt to pour through Lorna. She generously reached a hand over to place on one of Nicky's cheeks and brushed the palm of it along her flesh. "You already are, hon, just being here with me," was her truthful response.
Nicky felt her heart immediately turn to mush and enveloped her arms protectively around the brunette's waist. Tears threatened to pour from her eyes at any second. They peered down at Lorna, her heart constricting at the pain that emanated from her cherub face. A face that pure, she deemed, hadn't deserved any amount of pain. She lifted a thumb onto the flesh of her cheek and used it to draw a tender circle around it. "I'll always be here for you, baby, don't ever forget that. I love you more than I can ever say," she murmured, laying their foreheads against one another.
"I love you more, hon," Lorna whispered back.
Her own hands cupped over Nicky's cheeks and, once again, their lips naturally found their way back together. It was slow and tender, sweet and warm. Lorna sighed when she remembered the reason they were in her bedroom to begin with. She didn't want to end the kiss, their intimacy but she knew they couldn't put off the inevitable for long. Her eyes rolled slightly into her head as she begrudgingly pulled herself back from the gentle touching of their lips and stood up with the suitcase handle in her hand.
Lorna stood in the same spot for some time, unsure of what was to come of her by the end of that day. She didn't want to leave her bedroom because that meant leaving with that CPS worker, who she wasn't entirely fond of. The whole day had been strange, her mind rationalized the longer she stood in said spot. It didn't even feel like the same day with how many different things had taken place in such a short length of time.
Deterring her eyes over at her girlfriend, she exhaled abruptly. Her mind pondered on how all that was about to change in her life would affect the relationship between she and Nicky. More than anything she hoped that it wouldn't. But be it that she had no idea where this mysterious foster family lived, there was no telling if she'd have to change school districts or not. And not knowing was highly unsettling to her. She needed to be in control of her own life, so, to not have any in her current dilemma caused a distressing aura to fall over her.
"I don't wanna go with that lady, Nicky. I really don't. This doesn't even feel real," Lorna hysterically cried out, her bottom lip faintly tremoring as she tried her hardest to suppress her emotions.
The hysteric instinctively lured Nicky over to her side once more and her arms wrapped tightly around Lorna's small frame, pulling her body closer to her own. Her lips found their way to the top of her head where she pressed an affectionate kiss to, letting them rest there for a few peaceful seconds. Nothing caused her heart to ache more than seeing how much pain Lorna seemed to be in. "I know, baby," she murmured softly back, giving another warm kiss to her head before rearranging them so that she had Lorna's face in her hands. Her eyes gazed tenderly down into hers and she reached a hand up to lightly move a piece of hair from her forehead.
"I don't want ya to have to go with her either, kid. It's not fair and makes no sense. How can they take you away when ya have a sister who wants to take you in, ya know? I'm just, I'm so sorry you have to deal with this." A thumb she used to caress delicately along Lorna's face, stopping abruptly when it came across a tear drop and wiped it softly away.
Lorna narrowed her eyes slightly, a gesture she hadn't realized she'd done until after the fact. "But-but you were saying earlier how it's Franny's fault that our dad isn't very nice…which means you don't think she's fit to raise me just like he always said. How-how do I know that you didn't tell the cops that when you called yesterday? You think Franny's bad, don't you Nicky?"
"I know I was a bit harsh on your sister, Lorna, but I never said any of it was her fault or that I don't think she's fit to raise ya. I just said she could of done more to get you outta that damn situation, ya know? I mean I am pissed that she knew you were being abused by your own father and kept letting you go home to that. It wasn't right. But that doesn't mean I would ever intentionally try to make something like this happen to you. The last thing I want is to see ya put in the damn foster system, kid. Because that's not right either. I just—I want you to be safe and no where near your piece of shit dad. Is that so bad of me to say?"
Bowing her head, the brunette let her eyes focus down on the floor. She mentally counted each visible panel of wood to distract herself from the punitive truth that now awaited her. There was obvious frustration in Nicky's voice. Justifiable frustration, nonetheless, she knew. Which only increased the guilt that bubbled through her veins. She knew, in her heart, that Nicky hadn't done anything to cause her harm. Nicky would never intentionally do any thing of the sort. Yet, the anger building within herself didn't care about how she felt or whether or not what was happening was intentional or not. The anger only wanted to release itself from Lorna's body.
It tried to turn her away from the one person who cared so mercifully for her. Despite the response having felt gravely mechanical, she highly regretted it. A nausea welted in her gut. She finally seemed to get a steadier grip on reality. Her eyes shifted once more onto Nicky's and easily took in every feature of her face, including the miniscule ones as well. The expression Nicky grasped onto made Lorna shameful of her outburst just moments prior. That wasn't very fair of her to say what she had, she accepted.
"I shouldn'ta said that. I—I'm so sorry, hon, I didn't meana be a bitch. My, uh, my mind likes to confuse me and I'm real dumb for letting it," she admitted, gripping her hand tighter on the handle of her luggage.
"Stop, doll, you need to stop being sorry. You're not at fault for anything—"
Lorna instantly interjected at her girlfriend's observation. Her head shook rather violently. Maybe she wasn't at fault for her father's behavior or the choices he made, or for Franny's failing to go to the police, but that didn't excuse her from letting her emotions overtake her and cause her to spew out such hurtful words to the girl she adored so fervently.
"No, Nicky, I do need to apologize. It may or not be my fault that my father's abusive but that's not what I'm saying I'm sorry for right now. I had no right to come after ya like I did, hon. That wasn't real fair a me to do that to you and I am real sorry for that. I-I shouldn'ta let myself get so upset like that because I know the situation isn't really good on you either."
"The only fucking person who's to blame for your father's abuse is himself, Lorna; don't even think that there's a possibility it's yours because that's simply not true," Nicky instantaneously responded, her teeth gritted together in an attempt to cover up the rage that her girlfriend's words implicated. Nothing infuriated her more than Lorna's incessant need to inadvertently blame herself for the wrongdoings that other's had provoked upon her.
With a deep breath in, Nicky released it gradually in an effort to dissipate some of the anger that was boiling inside her. Lorna wasn't who, or what, her anger was directed at, she knew. It was more a general sense of anger. She sighed, peering over the shorter teen with fierce eyes. "I understand why ya reacted that way, though, kid. You don't have to beat yourself up over it. You're dealing with a lotta shit right now, it makes sense that your emotions would try to control your thoughts and make you say things ya don't mean. That's why I don't want you to be sorry because it's not your fault. I can understand why ya said what ya said."
"But what I said wasn't nice, hon, and I'm sorry for that. Please don't make excuses for me. I don't want you to do to yourself what you say I do to myself. I just, I wish I could go back to yesterday morning and none of this ever happened. Today is close on the list of worst days I ever had and I just want to erase it from existence," Lorna honestly admitted aloud. A rarity for her to ever allow the negative thoughts to escape her mind but, in that instance, they slipped out without her usual backlash.
Nicky nodded solemnly her agreeance with the younger girl's words. She, too, had wished that they could go back to the morning prior where everything was normal again. When her girlfriend wasn't being carted off with a Child Protective Services employee to some random foster family, who probably only chose to foster for the money. She felt a breath of air erupt from her lungs the more her mind wandered on the matter. If, she thought, if none of what happened in the previous twenty-four hours hadn't, she would still be sitting in the dark of Lorna's being abused. She sighed again. No matter how she looked at it, it proved to be a lose-lose situation.
Wrapping her arms securely around the shorter girl's waist, Nicky gently pulled her against her in a tender embrace. She let her lips stroke on the top of her head. Whatever happened she vowed that she would do everything in her power to be there for Lorna, even if it were just phone calls and texting. "I know, kid, I know. I wish none of this was happening, either. It's not an easy thing to deal with but I'm here for you, yeah? Whatever ya need just tell me and I'll do it. I love you so much, Lorna. I will be here for you through all this shit and that's a promise," she sternly reassured, freely pressing another kiss atop her head.
After twenty minutes of saying goodbye to her sister and girlfriend—much to Miss Figueroa's dismay—Lorna finally, with an intense resistance, followed the CPS worker into her car that awaited in the rocky driveway of her family home. The older woman motioned for her to place the suitcase in the trunk and after which gestured her to sit in the front passenger seat. Lorna silently complied, situating herself in the seat opposite of her. She nonchalantly leaned her head against the rim of the window and let her eyes become immersed with the swiftly passing surroundings.
The sun was blatantly visible in the sky, shinning through rather brightly on her face. If the circumstances were different, the sunshine would have easily been a welcomed sensation. But Lorna felt nothing good about having the damn brightness of sunlight oozing onto her face as she sat somberly in that car. No, in fact, she felt nothing at all. There was a numbness that loomed over her now. She rested in her spot while mentally contemplating what was going to happen to her now that she was seemingly on her way to her new family—temporary family, technically, but to her it felt like it'd be an eternity before she'd reunite with Franny.
It wasn't a pleasant car ride, yet, it wasn't entirely unpleasant either. A neutral car ride, Lorna pondered. Numbing sounded of a more appropriate descriptor for it. By the time the vehicle came to a stop in a surprisingly elegant driveway, and with a quick glance of the time on the stereo, it turned out to be only fifteen minutes since they had left her father's house. The realization came as a slight relief to Lorna; maybe the house was located in the same school distract as the Morello's, she thought. That would make the experience a little less dreadful. Because to have to attend an entirely unfamiliar high school on top of living with complete strangers had not sounded the most appealing to her.
The clearing of the older woman's throat deterred Lorna's attention back on the external reality. She sucked in a heaping breath before unfastening her seatbelt and exiting the car. Standing outside of it, not having taken a step yet, she focused her eyes on the new environment with an indecipherable expression melded onto her face.
The house was larger and much fancier than she had imagined it would be. She didn't think she'd be taken to a rich family's house, that was for sure. But, despite what she expected, she was shocked that her expectation was met with the opposite. What was some rich family like whoever lived here doing taking in some random teen like herself? She swallowed thickly and slowly followed behind Natalie once she'd retrieved her suitcase from the trunk.
It took two boisterous knocks before the mahogany door was opened to expose a superficially nice looking middle-aged couple standing on the other side of it. Lorna apprehensively walked inside behind the much taller brunette woman and looked the elder adults over with a scrutinizing eye. Smiles were clearly observed on their faces, smiles that seemed rather forced and not entirely the most genuine. She shifted her feet out of discomfort and averted her eyes back on Miss Figueroa.
Tapping the rim of her glasses back up to the bridge of her nose, the dark-haired professional gestured her hands between the young teenager and the grinning couple. Suddenly, a blonde woman—probably not much older than Franny, Lorna presumed by the smoothness of the skin on her face—and blond man—or boy, Lorna couldn't differentiate whether he was a young adult or older teen—appeared at the side of the middle-aged couple, who presumably must have been their parents.
"Lorna, you will be staying here with the Chapman family," Natalie Figueroa stated matter-of-factly while pointing at the four people who stood opposite of the petite brunette. She gestured her hand to over to the couple, "These are Bill and Carol or as I'm sure they'd insist you call them, Mr. and Mrs. Chapman. And over here are their son and daughter," her hand moved towards the younger blondes, pointing to both separately as she introduced them all, "Cal and Piper. They're a nice family and I think you will be just fine here with them, Lorna."
Chapter Text
Chapter Thirty-Seven
The brunette teen didn't move from her spot or feel the need to open her mouth to say anything. Instead, she slightly turned her head at the sound of footsteps and watched sadly as the CPS worker walked back towards the front door, leaving her there to acquaint herself with her new family. Temporary family she had to keep reminding herself. These people were only a temporary family, surely, her older sister would soon be applying for guardianship of her and she'd be out of the Chapman's house in no time. At least that was what she tried her hardest to convince herself of.
Hearing the front door closing shut, Lorna instinctively shuddered and finally moved her focus back on the family that still appeared to be standing in front of her. Those smiles hadn't faltered even the slightest from Bill's and Carol's faces, she uneasily noted. She slightly moved her head so that her eyes landed on the son and daughter of the superficial Mr. and Mrs. Chapman. At least they didn't seem as fake as their parents, she silently thought.
"Well, Lorna, why don't you come join us in the sitting room for some tea? It would make for a great chance for us all to get to know each other," Bill was the one to first address the teen girl; the smile on his face still fused there.
He motioned for her to follow him down the long hallway and into the family room that was through an elegant archway right off the kitchen. While everyone else settled onto the sofas and recliner, he took it upon himself to go and grab the tray of tea that had already been prepared for the awaiting arrival of their foster child.
Taking in the view of the room she now resided in, there was an even larger uneasiness that formed within her. The wooden floor sparkled beneath her feet, clearly professionally cleaned every day, her eyes simply noticed. A few sculptures were placed on either side of the entertainment system that took up space in the middle of the room and it was obvious to her that they had to have cost a pretty penny. She shifted her eyes and caught glimpse of a glimmering chandelier hanging down from the ceiling. The more she studied the place the more she realized that these people weren't just rich but in fact wealthy.
She didn't know why but the thought alone of staying with such wealthy people made her incredibly uncomfortable. She didn't have the first clue as to what being wealthy was like. Her family barely scraped by most days, even more so after her mother's diagnoses of cancer. They hardly had the money to pay for all of those medical bills and yet, here was a family that probably spent more on that damn chandelier than the total for all of her mother's cancer treatment. That fact on its own—or maybe it wasn't a fact, she didn't know—had her skin unnervingly crawling.
When Mr. Chapman returned, a few moments later, Lorna realized she'd been the only one still standing. And all of their eyes were on her as well which only added to her frantic discomfort. She averted her eyes on a vacant spot on the sofa, far away from the other two who occupied it, and timidly went over to sit down. None of this felt real. It was like a dream or—better yet—a hallucination. Maybe she'd hallucinated all of the past two weeks since she'd attended that party with Nicky. Maybe she'd overdosed on that marijuana she'd smoked and was lying unconscious in a hospital somewhere. That sounded like a plausible reason unlike the situation she found herself in presently.
The middle-aged blond man handed everyone a cup of the tea before taking one for himself and having a seat on the crème suede armchair that was separated from his wife's recliner by a wooden end-table. He crossed a leg slightly over his other as if he were about to read the morning paper but instead of placing a newspaper on his man-made table, he set his teacup onto his lap. His eyes glanced over at the brunette—who amidst his own family looked like a sore thumb sticking out—and plastered the same smile from earlier back on his face.
"How old are you, Lorna?"
Such an inquiry came as a surprise to the teen. Had these people not been informed of even the basic information about herself? What kind of people blindly agree to fostering a child without even asking for the basics? She felt even more uncomfortable than before. Swallowing her emotions, however, Lorna turned her head somewhat so that her eyes were peering in the direction of Mr. Chapman. "I'm fifteen. Did ya just agree to foster some random kid without even asking for a name or age?"
Both the older adults returned her gaze with a faint look of shock. Lorna had to refrain from rolling her eyes.
Mrs. Chapman sipped her tea frivolously while looking over the young brunette with unreadable eyes of her own. She patted her hands over her skirt to flatten the wrinkles. "No, of course not. We just want you to feel comfortable is all, Lorna. Do you have any siblings of your own?"
Lorna inhaled a sharp breath, trying to keep herself in check. The question seemed innocent enough, however, coming from the middle-aged blonde woman's mouth it caused a knot to form in the pit of her stomach. There was something sketchy about the couple, she mentally noted, they appeared subtly disingenuous. Her hands cradled around the tiny teacup—a fancy piece of China nevertheless that felt foreign in her hands—and brought it to her lips for a small sip.
"I got an older sista and brotha. My sista is applying to be my legal guardian so I shouldn't be here for long," she stated, bouncing her shoulders in a shrug.
"Legal guardian, huh?"
It came as a surprise when Lorna realized it was the younger blond boy who spoke up in response to her. She shifted a bit in her seat, focusing her eyes on the cup in her hands.
Cal, who sat Indian-style on the cushion beside his older sister, looked over at Lorna with a thoughtful expression on his face. "I have to admit I'd be a little weirded out if Pipes over here decided to file for legal guardianship over me. Does it not freak you out to have your sister as a possible guardian of you in the future?"
Shaking her head at her son's remark, Carol shot a look in his direction. Cal Chapman was a different breed of Chapman compared to the rest of them; she had come to the conclusion when he was in elementary school and she received a call from his teacher claiming he'd been peeing on a bush outside on the playground at recess each day. She ran a hand through her hair. "That's enough, Cal. Lorna's obviously in a totally different situation than you are."
"It was a valid question," Cal answered back, throwing his hands up.
Mr. Chapman curved his eyebrows up but didn't add anything on the subject. Instead, he focused his attention back on the only brunette in the room and took in a breath of air. He wasn't entirely sure what possessed he and his wife to look into fostering—they'd never really considered it before. Before their eldest son became a doctor and dealt with patients of all walks of life including minors in the system of the state, that was. The stories he would tell them always seemed to pull on Bill's heart. And with their family's wealth, he figured the least he—they—could do was help those who weren't quite as fortunate.
Lorna felt his eyes on her and instantly tensed up at the realization. She finished her cup of tea and returned the gaze. Her mind still couldn't wrap itself around the events of the day. How that morning she was peacefully asleep in her own bed at Franny's apartment and now she was sitting on the sofa of her rich foster family's home. It was merely incomprehensible to her. No matter how long she tried, she couldn't make sense of any of it.
"I just—I wanna go home," she mumbled pleadingly. To not even know how long she would have to stay with the Chapman's made her physically ill. She didn't want to be stuck with them—those people who hardly knew her, who clearly didn't even ask the CPS people about her before agreeing to take her in. Something about the whole thing didn't feel right to her.
"This is your home for now, Lorna," Mr. Chapman assured her, nodding his head to emphasize his point.
This is your home. The statement repeated in her mind and she felt her body convulse a slight amount. She didn't like the sound of that. Even having the thought in her head was distasteful. Bitter like black coffee. That home certainly wasn't and never would be her home. It was a temporary arrangement, she mentally reassured herself, temporary. Just like her dad's hospital stay was temporary. And her mother's business trip. Then came the harsh reality that once her dad was discharged from the hospital, he'd have custody of her returned to him and not Franny. The temporary arrangement would only lead her right back to where she was before. It was a never ending cycle. Even if Franny was able to have legal guardianship granted, Mr. Morello would find a way to overturn it. Lorna would never truly be free of her father until she turned eighteen, she displeasingly came to acknowledge.
Noticing the tears falling along her pale cheeks, Mrs. Chapman clapped her hands together and deterred her eyes over onto her daughter. Emotions were something she didn't take part in, so, she plastered a smile on her face and broke the silence, "Piper, I think now would be a great time for you to show Lorna to the room she'll be staying in." She waved a hand over towards the lavish staircase.
The younger blonde woman nodded attentively—borderline submissively—and pushed herself up from her spot on the couch. She waved a hand in the air, nearly identical to how her mother had only seconds ago, using it to gesture for the teen girl to follow her. Once she noticed Lorna standing up and walking towards her, Piper led them up the stairs and down the hall until they came across one of the guestrooms. She pulled on the handle to open the door and walked inside, turning just enough to make sure the other was still behind her.
Entering inside behind the taller woman, Lorna let her eyes look meticulously around the room. It was a lot more than what she anticipated. That wasn't the type of environment she had thought she'd be sent off to. She felt highly out of place there. They were a normal family and she was the opposite of that. Now, probably infecting them with her abnormal ways. She wasn't good enough to be in a house like theirs.
Sucking in a puff of air, she pushed away the emotions that were attempting so hard to escape and set her suitcase on the ground beside the dresser that sat slightly to the left of the door. For a guestroom, it was a little too extravagant for her comfort. She didn't even feel comfortable wearing her shoes in there as though they would scuff up the beautiful shinning wood underneath them.
"It's a real nice room," she muttered, averting her eyes onto the blonde who stood in the doorway that segregated the bedroom from the hallway.
Piper smiled kindly at her and shrugged her shoulders. Her parents—mostly her mom—were a little senseless when it came to house décor, she came to that conclusion at a young age. "Yeah, it's a bit much. My mom always has to have the best of the best, I guess." Her shoulders recoiled upwards once more.
Nodding slightly, the younger girl shifted her eyes away to focus up on the ceiling for a moment. Another profligate chandelier hung down from it, one much like the one down in the living room—or as, apparently, the Chapmans' referred to it, the sitting room—but slightly less colossal. It wasn't that she felt appalled to now be surrounded by all those fancy materialistic items, it was just that she hadn't been accustomed to such a drastically different lifestyle than the one she came from. A lot to take in and digest, she found all of that to be.
The atmosphere wasn't exactly an unpleasant one but it certainly hadn't been entirely too comforting either. It was the same sensation she could acquaint to the aura of a waiting room in any hospital she'd ever been forced to sit in. She swallowed the building saliva and looked back towards Piper. At least, she thought, Piper seemed less superficial than her mother.
"How old are you?" Lorna broke the silence after staring her over methodically for several passing moments.
"I'm nineteen," the blonde responded.
The shorter girl nodded and felt her eyebrows slightly curve upwards. Her answer only made Lorna's desire to be an adult stronger. She sighed, four years—rather three, her mind quickly corrected—seemed like an absolute eternity to her. To finally have the autonomy over her own life sounded like heaven to her but the wait for it was going to be a treacherous one. "Nineteen? Must be nice being an adult, hmm? I can't wait til' I turn eighteen. I wanna be able to make decisions for myself," Lorna muttered the last part in a softer, merely inaudible voice.
Bouncing her shoulders in a shrug, the blonde felt an innate breath erupt through her windpipe from her lungs. Sure, being an adult had its perks, yet she still found herself needing to reside under parents' roof. "Eh, it's nice but I don't feel any different than when I was seventeen. I attend university now and I don't have to ask my parents to sign forms like back in high school. So, yeah, I guess that's liberating."
Lorna shook her head slightly. Maybe it was their differing upbringings that made the woman standing in front of her talk about being adult like it wasn't anything out of the ordinary. But, in her mind, she couldn't understand how anyone wouldn't feel relieved—maybe even a little excited—at the thought of finally having the legal right over their own life. Was it not normal to grow up feeling completely out of control? The question pondered through her mind as she stared the other over.
"I just wanna make decisions for myself," was her mumbled response, she focused her eyes on her suitcase that now lie on the floor next to the dresser and let out a breath of air. It hadn't even been an hour since she arrived at the foster family's house and she was already ready to leave. She had no clue how she was going to make it through however long she had to stay there.
Not knowing what else to say on that particular matter, Piper gave an uneasy nod and signaled her hand towards the mahogany tinted dresser to abruptly change the focus onto a different—more prevalent—issue. "You can, um, go ahead and put your clothes in the drawers here. Might as well make yourself comfortable while you're staying here with us," she cautiously pointed out.
"So, kid, are ya gonna maybe tell me what's bothering you?" Alex threw out her question as she sat on the recliner that resided on the other side of the end-table, which separated her from Nicky—who had been sitting solemnly on the sofa ever since she arrived a half hour earlier.
Shortly after watching Lorna forcibly taken away by the CPS worker, Nicky made the impulsive decision to drive herself over to Alex's house. The only thing she could think to do subsequently witnessing such a distressing tribulation. Aside from her girlfriend, Alex was truly one of her only other closest friends. One of the only other people she really trusted enough to be open with. Hell, she'd been best friends with the black-haired woman for nearly a year before ever even meeting Lorna. So, it made perfect sense to her that she'd chosen to go over to Alex's place after what happened.
Expelling a rather sharp breath of air from her lungs, Nicky reached for her mug of coffee—that immediately upon her arrival the older woman had rapidly prepared—and took a long, thoughtful, sip. "Lorna was taken to a foster family by some asshat of a CPS lady," she stated with an irritated roll of her eyes. The memory of such instantly brought her anger boiling once again.
Eyes widening gradually at her friend's response, the older woman sipped her own coffee and squinted her eyes interestedly. CPS? What possible reason could they have to take Lorna from her home? And that was when she remembered the small—or perhaps huge—detail that her mother had died several months earlier. Maybe that had something to do with it, she pondered silently. Her head shook in contradiction to that thought. That hadn't made any sense.
"She's in the foster system now?" Alex queried, an eyebrow quirked over heavily curious eyes. She watched as the other nodded with a melancholic expression upon her face. "Wow. For what reason? I mean I know her mother had passed—" When she realized what she almost let slip out, Alex hurriedly stopped herself by covering a hand over her mouth and deterring her eyes onto the floor.
"Woah, woah, woah, hold on a minute. What're ya talkin' about, Vause? Lorna's mother passed what? You know somethin' about her mom?" Nicky quickly interjected, placing her cup onto a coaster on the coffee table in front of the couch she sat on and turning to give the dark-haired woman a heated stare. That couldn't be accurate, she must have misheard Alex. Lorna never talked about her mom, never mentioned her other than the one time she stated her living out of state for her job.
Alex quickly bit down on her tongue. Cursed herself for letting that blurt from her mouth. It wasn't her place to say anything on any matter, she knew. She didn't know if Lorna had been open with Nicky about the death of her mother and she certainly wasn't going to be the one to break it to her if that were the case. "Her mother had passed state lines for business is what I heard from Franny, but I figured she was living with their father still. I'm surprised to hear about CPS coming to take her away. Why wouldn't her sister just take her in? What even happened for CPS to come?"
Shaking her head dejectedly, Nicky held up a hand and waved it profusely in direction of her friend's face. "No, no, no. I'm not stupid, Vause. Passed state lines isn't what ya were really gonna say, is it? What happened to Lorna's mom? Do ya know somethin' about her that I don't?"
To say Alex was uncomfortable would be a bit of an understatement. She swallowed thickly, her eyes looking anywhere but in the redhead's. For she knew that girl had all knowing eyes. She could read people like a book. Instead, she reached for her mug and took an extensive, mind-numbing, sip of the warm liquid inside. It gave her a moment to figure out how she was going to respond to Nicky's heated interrogation. The last thing she wanted was to violate the trust of either of her two friends.
"Look, Nicky, I don't want to say anything that she hasn't revealed to you on her own. Not because I don't think you have the right to know because you do…but I can't be the one to break anyone's trust here," the older woman truthfully answered, reaching a free hand up to massage one of her temples. She mentally facepalmed herself at the stupid words she just allowed herself to speak. Why couldn't she have just kept at the business story that she had already given moments ago? A sigh erupted from her larynx.
"What the fuck are ya gettin' at here, Alex? What's going on with Lorna's mom? I don't understand how you would know over me…I mean I'm Lorna's girlfriend, why the hell would she keep shit like that from me?"
Oh boy. The thought ran through Alex's mind as she peered into her mug that she cradled rather tightly in her hands. She really dug herself into a ditch now, she told herself. There was no digging herself out without revealing the truth to Nicky. Lying was not something she ever took lightly. She avoided it at all costs when possible. And, now, she refused to take part in the lie. Shutting her eyes, she rolled her neck slowly around her shoulders in an effort to crack the bones.
"Okay, I'll tell you what I know but please keep in mind that none of this was purposefully kept hidden from you. It wasn't even something that was supposed to be shared with me, really. But I overheard a conversation between Franny and Lorna during one a my shifts a couple weeks ago, very unintentional might I add. I tried not to listen but they were loud and it's not like I had ear plugs or anything," Alex recoiled her shoulders somewhat. She took a sip of coffee.
Swallowing the bold liquid, Alex casually threw her hands up and continued recalling the conversation, "Anyway, they were talking or maybe arguing and Franny brought up their mother and how Lorna wasn't okay since her death. Then Lorna kinda dismissed it sayin' their mom was on some business trip or somethin'. To make a long story short, Lorna and Franny's mom passed away."
Nicky squinted her eyes and shook her head. Replacing her cup of coffee in her hands, she looked inside of it and shook her head a second time. What was just shared with her couldn't have been true. Lorna would have shared something so serious with her, she tried to rationalize in her mind. Because she could not fathom how her girlfriend could keep a thing so important from her. She momentarily distracted herself by gulping down the rest of her coffee. Anything to take her thoughts off of Lorna for even only a second.
"No, that's clearly not true. Lorna would have told me if something like that had happened. She's my girlfriend for Christ sake, of course she'd a let me know if her mom died. Alex, are ya sure ya didn't just overhear the wrong words?"
Sighing, the older woman wished she hadn't have ever even let it slip out about her coworker's and friend's mother in the first place. Now, she sat amidst her own dug up grave. And she had no clue how to get herself out of it without causing more uproar between she and Nicky. Her eyes averted back onto the redhead, observing her closely. It was quite clear how displeased the young teen appeared with the current quandary.
That was her own doing, she confirmed. Another breath pushed up from her throat. She really hoped she wasn't unintentionally causing any turmoil between the two teens by disclosing all of what she knew to Nicky. To be the reason those two would ever stop communication certainly hadn't sat too well with her—that was the last thing she ever intended to do. "It wasn't Lorna I heard it from, Nicky, it was Franny. According to Franny, their mom died from liver cancer and Lorna's very much in denial about it. Her words not mine. Which I guess now I can kinda make sense of the whole CPS thing…or not. I still can't figure that one out. I thought their dad was still around, at least."
"Well, when did their mom die? Did it just happen? I mean neither one a them ever bring her up so that just makes no sense to me. I fucking went with Lorna to her therapy appointment this morning and neither one a them said anything about their mother's death. If what you're saying is true, wouldn't that be a topic brought up in therapy? What the hell am I missing here?"
"Um, well, also according to Franny, their mom passed away several months ago. Now, please, Nicky think before you react. Lorna has no idea that you know any of this. And, I did not ask to know this. When I found out, it was purely by accident. I just happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and maybe it was dumb of me to not mention this to ya sooner…but again, I wasn't even ever supposed to find out about this. Just keep all of that in mind before you say anything," the words rambled from between Alex's lips. The more uneasy she felt, the faster the words spilled out.
Drawing in a long, intense, breath was the only thing Nicky could do in that moment to keep herself calm. Her eyes gradually shut as she let her brain try to interpret the news seconds prior given to her. She swallowed a bit too much air and placed a hand on either side of her face. Lorna had gone through the loss of a parent and never once thought to mention that in any of their conversations. Knowing that now brought a sharp pang to her chest. She couldn't fathom how Lorna retained that from her. Why would she even want to keep such a dark secret like the death of a loved one locked away? Nicky couldn't make sense of any of it in all honesty.
Her eyes finally shifted up across at Alex, peering into her blue ones in a rather frenzied manner. A frown molded onto her face while she held her gaze. She noticed the blatant apprehension which sat on the older woman's and sighed. None of this was Alex's fault, she reasoned, even though she'd chosen not to tell her sooner. "I would say you were in the right place at the right time, not the other way around. I mean if ya weren't there, I'd never know that my girlfriend's been fucking secretly grieving the past however many months its been. How long ago was this?"
"I guess looking at it that way, it makes more sense. This was a few weeks ago I found out. I'm sorry I didn't say anything sooner but I just—I didn't think it's really my place to. This was Lorna's news to share not mine but now I can't undo anything," the black-haired woman threw up her hands in exasperation.
God, she hated herself for getting herself in a situation such as this to even begin with. A sigh escaped, she turned slightly so that her eyes were peering out the window. The sun appeared distant in the sky now, slowly descending its way down the horizon. Spring was only a week away; the trees showing very small buds of leaves starting to rebloom upon the branches. At least that was an upside compared to everything else going the opposite direction, she thought.
"I can't really be mad at ya, Alex. Even though I really, really want to be," Nicky admitted with both eyebrows arched over her brown eyes that now emanated obvious contempt through them. It wasn't Alex's fault that she hadn't been aware of her girlfriend's mother's death, she acknowledged. However, that didn't take away from her desire to display the anger and betrayal she so clearly experienced upon hearing the news.
A disgruntled breath of air eluded through her airway. "I am frustrated that Lorna didn't feel like this was something worth sharing with me. I can't comprehend what reason she would do some shit like that. Can you?"
Rubbing at her temples, Alex felt her nerves fraying more than usual. "Honestly, kid, I don't think Lorna purposefully kept this from you. I think, at least from what Franny said, I think Lorna's really denying that their mom died and that's why she hasn't told ya about it. She seems to not want to admit it out loud because she doesn't want it to be true. I mean I can relate to that somewhat. When I lost my mom last year, I didn't wanna admit that for a while either because that would make it feel real. So yeah I can see where she's coming from. Of course to everyone else around her it makes absolutely no sense. But, again, we're not in her mind to know what she's thinking. Ya know?"
Running her hands over the sides of each of her cheeks, Nicky slowly nodded. Hearing her friend's take on the whole debacle seemed to help her piece together the reasoning behind Lorna's refusal to be open with her about it all. Did she understand it? Not at all, but she did her best to take Alex's words to heart. It wasn't like she was able to get inside her girlfriend's mind and know exactly every minute detail that had been running through it. Though, she certainly would give anything to be able to have that chance.
"I guess what you're saying makes sense. It just hurts that Lorna wouldn't feel safe enough to tell me about this, ya know? I mean I love her more than anything in the world, I would do anything for her. I can't understand why she would feel like she couldn't be open with me about her mom. Does she not know how much I love her?"
It wasn't hard for Alex to pick up on the franticness that seeped from the younger girl's voice. She couldn't say she hadn't blamed her for any of her thoughts she just shared. Those were valid things to think given the situation. When it was hard to understand the loss of someone so close and its effects on one's mind, those thoughts would be deemed normal by anyone. However, Alex had experienced the death of her own mother and could relate almost to a T to what Lorna might have possibly been feeling and so if she shared those same thoughts that Nicky was currently having, for herself they would be completely void of any rationality.
The entire situation was conflicting to Alex. She was able to relate to both of her dear friends and, yet, couldn't figure out how to help either. A lump formed in her stomach. She loathed that she was in the middle of everything. How could she remain objective when she cared for both Nicky and Lorna? The question ran rapid through her mind. "Ya know I can't really speak for Lorna. I don't know what she's thinking or why she wouldn't tell you about this. But I can say that I've been through the loss of my own mom and it's not an easy thing to deal with. So, in a way, I could understand why she might be hesitant to open up to you about it. But other than that, I can't tell you how she's feeling because I don't know. I'm sorry, Nicky, I know it hurts. I wish I could be of more help, really. I just, I don't wanna put words in anyone's mouths."
Nicky sighed. Anger slowly dissipated. It wasn't really anger she felt towards either Lorna or Alex, the more she took the time to think things through. It was more the fact that she merely hadn't been aware of all of that had been happening to her girlfriend, which was what truly upset her. The situation, the not knowing, the being left in the dark—those were all the things that caused an anguish within her. If anything, she thought, Franny should have been the one to say something about all of this to her. Franny clearly knew how much love and care Nicky held for Lorna. Why wouldn't she have felt that was important enough for her to bring this up to her? Was Franny secretly harboring disapproval towards the relationship between she and Lorna? The questions and thoughts whirled heavily through her mind. All she wanted was to understand why nobody felt it was important enough for her to know everything that was going on in her own girlfriend's life. And, the only person she could think to blame was Franny. That was the only conclusion that appeared logical to her.
Chapter Text
Chapter Thirty-Eight
"I mean I don't understand anything anymore, really, Alex. I just—today has been a fucking day from hell. And hearing about this is literally the icing on the cake," the redhead stated once she found the words to speak. Everything she spouted out was the complete, utter, truth. Her mind felt broken, like it couldn't compute another morsel of information within it. The events of the day wore her out rather heavily, she couldn't take in anymore information even if she wanted to.
Alex sighed, getting up from the recliner with her empty mug in hand and momentarily leaving the room to place said item in the sink in her kitchen that wasn't more than five steps from the quaint living room. When she returned a few seconds later, she decided on sitting next to Nicky on the sofa. It was clear to her, while looking the younger girl over, that she could use the comfort of a best friend.
Placing a comforting hand onto Nicky's shoulder, the darker haired woman fixed her stare on her and felt the eyebrows above her eyes curve up attentively when she realized she still hadn't really known the reason behind CPS's being called on Lorna. "Ya wanna talk about what happened? You look pretty drained, Nicky. Everything okay? I mean aside from the whole Lorna's mom situation. Were ya there when they took Lorna away?"
Was everything okay? The query replayed itself in Nicky's head. She covered a hand over her mouth to stop herself from unintentionally letting out a laugh. Laughing seemed like the only thing she could do at a question such as the one Alex had just asked her. Nothing was okay right now, she mentally established, all that occurred in less than twenty-four hours, she felt as though she was dreaming it all. Because she certainly was unable to wrap her mind around what had wholly taken place.
And, unlike her angelic—yet very naïve—girlfriend, Nicky wasn't about to pretend it had been okay. The sensation of Alex's hand on her shoulder came as a welcoming one. She hadn't realized how badly she craved comfort until then. "No, nothing is okay. Lorna has been fucking suffering silently probably the entire time I've known her and I was never aware of any of it. I'm fucking pissed because she's been going through all this fucking shit alone and her sister—Franny didn't have the decency to do a damn thing about it."
She stopped herself to take in a breath. Hoping that breath would calm some of the anger but instead only strengthened it. All she yearned to do was take Lorna in her arms but couldn't even do that now that she had been hauled away to some random family's house that none of them knew. The fury that whirled through her was focused heavily on that damn Franny. If Franny would have just fucking taken her aside and explained to her what all was going on, maybe the events of the past day could have been avoided.
"I can't even talk about it without wanting to fucking punch someone's face in, Alex. Everything that's happened—it all could have easily been avoided if Lorna's sister would have just fucking talked to me about it. I don't understand why the fuck she was such a coward about it all, I really don't."
"She knows damn well how much Lorna means to me but she didn't have the decency to come to me with what was happening. I can't blame Lorna for any of this because I can see that somethin' ain't right with her mind, I noticed that a long time ago. But Franny, her head is screwed on right so she should have reached out to me so I could try to help Lorna but she didn't even try to do that. Didn't care enough to try and I'm just beyond pissed. I don't even know what the hell to call what I'm feeling right now."
Hearing how upset the younger girl blatantly was brought a tightness over Alex's chest. If only she'd been more conscious of what she was saying and maybe this conversation could have been avoided for the time being. She shook her head, however. Putting it off would have only made things worse in the long run, Alex finally came to realize. It was a good thing all of this had come to fruition. Clearly, there was something very toxic going on in Lorna's home life.
Still, no matter how either one of them looked at it, nothing negated the fact that the present situation sucked. It sucked terribly for everyone involved, including Franny. Alex sighed and moved her hand so that she gripped Nicky's inside of it. Her eyes fixed themselves onto her face and for the first time, she noticed a glistening moistness that seemed to shine on her cheeks. That was when she came to the acknowledgement that such moistness was actually due to tears falling from Nicky's eyes. A sight she'd never witnessed before in the two years that she'd been friends with the girl.
"Nicky, what happened that CPS showed up to get Lorna? Let's just focus on that right now instead of Franny, yeah? Obviously talking about Franny is just making you more and more upset."
Nicky shook her head violently, pushing herself up off the couch and furiously pacing around her friend's living room. She brought her hands up to her head and ran them roughly through her messy curls. The rage was gripping onto her so tightly that she hardly felt able to breathe. All she wanted, yearned for in that moment was Lorna. She needed Lorna. But Lorna was god-only-knew where. She was stuck with Alex. Not that she thought Alex was bad, because she certainly wasn't. However, Alex wasn't Lorna. Not even close.
Her hands began to slightly tingle in the fists that she held against her sides. She felt her breathing progressively growing harder and harder the longer she paced around. Everything ached and nothing made sense. Comprehension didn't seem like a possibility anymore, she had no recollection of what said word even meant as she walked back and forth through the living room.
Observing the other's behavior, it certainly didn't take a rocket scientist to note how distressed Nicky happened to be. Without another thought, Alex got up from the couch and walked over to stand beside her heavily enraged redheaded best friend. She instinctively allowed her arms to encircle around the shorter girl in the hopes of stopping her from aggressively pacing. "Is it that bad, kid?" Her voice softly inquired, letting a hand pat comfortingly over one of her cheeks.
The sensation of arms wrapped around her, without a doubt, caused her pacing to cease. A breath of air finally drew in from her mouth as she gradually let her body relax in the older woman's soothing arms. It certainly wasn't the same as being in her Lorna's embrace but it would still suffice given the circumstances. "I drove Lorna home after school yesterday and had the luxury of meeting her father," she recounted, biting the side of her mouth to keep the emotions at bay.
Nicky drew in another breath, preparing herself to continue with recalling the previous evening's escapade that lead to the current dilemma. "It was the first time I really met him and he was an asshole. He got upset because Lorna and I are girlfriends and to make it frank, he tried to chase us in the front yard with a fucking gun," the redhead finished informing her, throwing her hands up in distaste.
To hear that, Alex only tightened her grasp on her friend. Her brain strained to understand what information it had just absorbed. Such a dangerous situation to imagine both Nicky and Lorna being in caused her throat to feel rather constricted. She couldn't begin to even envision how terrified being in an environment like that must have felt for the two girls. With a deep breath, she deterred her eyes down onto the redhead teen and allowed them to peer strongly into hers.
"Lorna's dad chased the two a ya with a gun? Oh, Nicky, that's fucking horrifying. Sounds like a horror movie, really. Did he shoot at either of you? Neither of you were physically hurt, yeah?" The queries came rapidly spurting from Alex's mouth out of an intense concern for the two teens who were comparable to sisters to her. She brushed a hand comfortingly through Nicky's thick red curls.
An unnerving pang formed in Nicky's chest at the obvious worry in her friend's voice. A lump was felt as she thickly swallowed the mount of saliva that had taken over her mouth. "Yeah, shoulda been a horror movie. That's what it feels like. It don't feel real, that's for sure. He did shoot the gun but he didn't point it at either of us or anything. So we're okay…well, in the physical sense. Although Lorna would beg to differ if she were here, I know she would," Nicky pointed out.
Exasperation quickly loomed over her once she closed her mouth. Lorna would be negating everything if she were there with them, she acknowledged. Nicky shook her head sadly at the mere fact. It stung how much Lorna seemed to brush significant occurrences right under the rug like she so easily had done before. That alone made her ponder if the brunette teen, deep down, thought that little of herself. Thought so little of herself that none of the pain or grief she'd been put through mattered.
"I'm so sorry, Nicky. How are you feeling? You look so pale right now. Have ya gotten any sleep since that happened, kid?"
Looking her over with meticulous blue eyes, Alex easily took notice of the faint circles that lay beneath Nicky's brown ones. She felt a slight sadness come over her at the discovery. Rather suddenly maternal instincts took over and she released her arms from her shoulders, grabbed one of her hands and led her down the hall to the other—spare—bedroom.
It felt both heartwarming and out of place to have Alex acting so Red-like towards her, Nicky thought while following the much taller woman inside the doorway of the room. Yet, with how truly exhausted she did appear to feel, she had no desire to fight her on any of it. Her body welcomed the comfort of a bed right then more than anything the more she pondered on it. She didn't hesitate at all as she simply allowed herself to fall back against the mattress of it once she'd made her way towards the bed.
"I honestly can't tell ya if I did or not because today has been so exhaustively long that I can't even remember if I had a cuppa coffee this morning let alone if I ever even fell asleep last night. Is it bad that right now all I wanna do is give in and sleep instead of texting Lorna to see if she's okay?" An eyebrow arched over a clearly drained eye that hardly peeped from its lid.
Shaking her head gradually, the older woman sat down on the mattress beside Nicky and comfortingly pulled the blanket up to wrap around her body before placing a hand onto her head to comb soothingly through her hair. "No, it's not a bad thing that ya wanna sleep right now. Sometimes I think you put too much energy on Lorna and forget to take care of yourself as well. And from what you're saying, it's obvious some rest will do you good. You've had a long day, kid, and been through some shit. It's okay to take time for yourself once in a while, yeah? What good are you to Lorna, anyway, if you yourself are not doing okay?"
Nicky burrowed closer to the blanket that wrapped around her body. She let her eyes shut as she took in the wise words of her best friend. A breath erupted from her lungs. Those were sensible words to live by, she realized. What good was she for Lorna if she hadn't been taking care of herself either? The question pondered repeatedly through her mind. Exhaustion took over her body shortly thereafter and she was unable to fight off the sleep any longer. It took only seconds before she involuntarily allowed sleep to overtake her.
As if Lorna hadn't already gone through an environmental shock since first entering inside the Chapman household, sitting at the table for dinner hours after her arrival only added to that particular sensation. It seemed apparent that each room the house contained was stuffed to the gills with some elegant décor or another. All of such bringing with it a looming uneasiness. She longed to go home, back to normalcy. Back where everything was just normal and plain and not full of the most extravagant items that would cost her entire family five lifetimes worth of working to afford.
The table was set with fine China and a beautifully crafted plate rested on the surface in front of Lorna. Her eyes were easily able to distinguish that it was delicately a handmade delicacy with such intricate detailing around the rim of it. She almost felt it was too delicate to place any food on as if the contact would instantly erase the details of the plate. Clinging of silverware against the other plates around her had her cautiously lift her head to focus on who else occupied the same space.
Everyone around her was neatly piling portions of roasted chicken and sautéed vegetables onto their plates while Lorna sat there with slightly widened eyes. Eating in general caused her a great deal of grief but to have to do so in front of a family she hardly even knew, that was enough to tense her whole body up. She inhaled sharply and held it for a few seconds to coax herself into joining them in consuming the nicely prepared meal. Clearly, they took pride in the food they cooked.
"You're not a vegetarian, are you?" Mrs. Chapman glanced up from her dish to peer across at the brunette. She used her knife to cut a small piece of chicken, not shifting her gaze once.
Vegetarian? The word echoed through her mind. Maybe that was something she should have looked into becoming, she pondered. It would give her even more reason to skimp out on meals. However, for the time being, she shook her head and timidly reached for the salad bowl that rested between the chicken and veggies. "Oh, no, I'm just, erm, I like to watch what I'm eating," she quickly commented, taking a couple of spoonsful of the salad mixture and placing it onto her plate.
"Ya like to watch what you eat, huh?" Cal inquired between bites of vegetables. Lightly-colored eyebrows arched over his blue eyes. "I watch what I eat too," he stated after swallowing and grabbing another forkful. His hand gestured between his eyes and the piece of broccoli hanging from the fork he held. "See, I watch my food and then I eat it." And with that, he placed the green piece of produce in his mouth.
Sitting on the other side of her younger brother, Piper couldn't resist from shaking her head and rolling her eyes at his antics. Cal truly was a breed of his own, she thought. She reached for her water glass, sipping it, and stared at her parents to see how they reacted to Cal's little performance.
Carol only slightly rolled her eyes while Bill covered a hand over his mouth to hide the smirk that seemed to meld on his face. Leave it to their son to make an unusual comment such as that, he mutely understood. Though he had a hunch that their son's oddity sometimes caused embarrassment for his wife, he covertly acclaimed Cal's unique attributes.
"Well, obviously, you get your sense of humor from me, son," Mr. Chapman chuckled a bit with his words. He hoped to bring a lightened atmosphere to the typically stuffy dinner table.
Clearing her throat, Carol gave a stern look towards the father and son duo. She shook her head at them and grasped onto her wine glass in front of her, carrying it up to her lips for a graceful sip. Her eyes held contempt within for the two of them; their antics easily frayed on her nerves when it happened during the evening meal. "Anyway," she spoke aloud, turning her attention back on Lorna. A smile was pursed to her lips. "It's good to watch what you're eating at such a young age, dear. I'm very health conscious myself—I only buy organic ingredients so you can feel safe about eating the food here."
Lorna nodded in response. Organic. Safe. Health conscious. Her teeth clacked together each time those words sounded through her subconscious awareness. She bent her head slightly, letting her eyes look precisely over the food that sat on the plate below. Dressing oozed from overtop of the lettuce. The sight instantly formed an uncomfortable knot in her stomach. She squinted her eyes at the sensation. Since when did a simple salad cause her physical pain? Air escaped her lungs rapidly as she continued to just sit and stare at it. Time appeared to stand still.
"Yeah, I wish you could be like normal moms who just buy regular human food," Cal retaliated after polishing off his dish. His shoulders moved upwards into a shrug. He couldn't remember the last time his mother brought home a package of cookies or bag of chips like what made up the cupboards in the majority of his friends' houses.
Mr. Chapman gave a good-humored snicker at his son's remark. A remark that wasn't too far off from the truth, he recognized. "You and me both," he agreed, waving a hand up in emphasis.
"Sounds like the peanut gallery has spoken," Piper finally chimed into the conversation after swallowing a piece of the chicken. Despite her words, she couldn't help but stifle a laugh that tried to erupt.
Carol fluttered a hand in their direction and brought her glass of wine up for another sip. If it wasn't for her diligent attention to what types of food she was bringing into the house, she supposed the rest of her family would certainly be doomed to the unhealthy epidemic just like the majority of the country had been. "You're healthy, aren't you? Sometimes you have to sacrifice for a better purpose," she nonchalantly responded.
Satisfied with the faint nods that were received, Mrs. Chapman put her focus back on the young brunette who hadn't said more than a few words in the last several minutes. "I hope you're settling in well, Lorna. Tomorrow is a school day and unfortunately, you'll have to go to the public high school which is a ten minute drive from here. Cal goes to the private school that's a few blocks away but since we don't really know how long you'll be staying with us, we didn't want to uproot you."
To hear that, Lorna felt a hefty sense of relief come over her. At least some normalcy would remain in her life. It was comforting to know she wouldn't have to worry about attending a new school on top of everything else she was having to deal with. She finally stuck the teeth of her fork into a few pieces of lettuce and brought it towards her mouth for a small nibble. "No, I'm real fine with that. I didn't wanna have to go to a new school anyway," the brunette muttered, yet a tiny smile molded to her face. It hadn't reached her eyes but was a smile, nevertheless.
Lorna was astonishingly calm the next morning when she walked in the entrance of her familiar high school. Sure, she'd rather be anywhere aside from school—just the same as any other teenager—but the mere thought that she could have been enrolled in a private one made her more gracious than anything to be walking inside there that morning. Once she retrieved her books from her locker, she started walking in the direction of her first class. A little taken aback, however, when she hadn't run into Nicky. She felt a lump quickly mold into the pit of her stomach. She hoped everything was okay between them, especially after everything that occurred in the past couple of days.
The sound of the bell ringing alerted her attention away from her thoughts. Had she gotten to school later than her usual time? That might explain why she hadn't seen Nicky yet that morning. Before she could even process another thought, however, she felt a rough hand grab onto her from behind. Her eyes momentarily shut as she pondered over who the culprit for the touch was. It certainly couldn't be Nicky—she knew Nicky's touch, it wasn't rough and forceful like the hand that seemed to be digging into her spine presently.
"I heard on the news your dad tried to kill you and Nichols the other day," Annalisa retorted, a menacing smirk taking up space on her face. She had turned Lorna so that they were eye to eye now, her hands spitefully grasping onto her shoulders to keep her from being able to move away.
Eyes squinting at the absurd comment, Lorna did her best to comprehend the words that were only seconds ago absorbed into her ears. News? What the hell was Annalisa talking about? How could the news know of the incident? Her mind went ramped with questions that nearly made her dizzy. She swallowed the gathered saliva in her mouth and reopened it in attempt to respond but couldn't find the proper words.
The blonde didn't wait for her to say anything. Instead, she removed her hands from where they resided on her shoulders and used one to grip tightly onto the neckline of her t-shirt, dragging her along down the hallway towards the gymnasium. She continued to drag her through there until they came into the girls' locker room. Swinging the door open, she pushed Lorna inside and onto a bench that sat in front of a row of lockers.
Her eyes pierced fiercely down into Lorna's blatant timorous ones. "Ya gonna say anything? Is it true? Did daddy Morello try to kill you two?"
Lorna swallowed thickly, trying her hardest to keep her fear from displaying itself. Her legs threatened to shake beneath her but she dug her feet harshly against the soles of her shoes to steady them. "I-I don't know, erm, what you're talkin' about. Ain't nothing on the news," she mumbled, focusing her eyes on the floor so that her bully couldn't see the trepidation that oozed from them.
Pounding one of her fists loudly against the metal of the locker behind her, Annalisa shook her head while glaring darkly down at the smaller girl. "Don't play fuckin' dumb with me, Morello. You're the only fucking Morello in this damn town, who else would they be talkin' about?"
"Even if it was true, it ain't none a your business. Why do ya always have to bother me? I just wanna be left alone." Tears lined the bottom of her eyes but Lorna hurriedly sucked them in as she inhaled a sharp breath. All she wanted was to make it to her class so she could sit at her desk and not talk to anyone for the rest of the day. Why did Annalisa always have to ruin that for her? She sucked in her bottom lip to control the tears from leaking out.
"Yeah? You think it's none of my business? Hmm, okay, Miss Lesbo Lorna. I'll remember that while I'm sharing with all our classmates that you're a fucking dyke and a disappointment to even your dad. Hmph. That's why he wanted to kill you, huh? Cause' you're a dyke. Can't say I blame him," Annalisa admitted, sticking a finger in her mouth as she peered Lorna over with an intimidating smirk.
She receded her finger back from her mouth and used it to roughly push the brunette against the wall of lockers in back of her. "You wanna be left alone, do ya? I can arrange for that to happen, don't you worry."
Lorna gulped apprehensively, ducking her head away from the blonde's. This wasn't how she expected the school day to start off; that was for damn sure. And the simple fact that she had absolutely no idea what Annalisa was planning to do to her only increased her already highly flaring nerves. "What are ya gonna do? Try to drown me again? Go ahead, not like I got anything to lose," she shrugged her shoulders indifferently, doing her best to act unphased by the other's threats. Threats that were most-likely empty ones.
A chuckle erupted from Annalisa's windpipe. She narrowed her eyes at the shorter girl and grasped onto the cotton rim of the head hole of her shirt once more, using that to pull her up and slam her against the lockers a second time. After which she continued to grip onto the collar of Lorna's shirt while making sure to keep her back touching the metal of the lockers directly behind it.
Blue eyes glowered sinisterly down into brown ones—brown ones, that despite trying to keep hidden the trepidation, Annalisa had easily seen right through the façade. A sneer molded onto her face, she brushed a cold hand along the sides of Lorna's arms. Her instinctive grimace at such touch only made the blonde's smirk widen. "As much as I enjoyed that the first time, I like to keep things fresh. No, if ya wanna be left alone then I think it's obvious the solution for that is I shove you in one a these lockers. No one would even know you're there, huh? You'd really be left alone just like ya wanted," she laughed when she noticed how wide Lorna's eyes had gotten from hearing her revelation.
"No, no. You-you wouldn't do that, would you? Please don't. That's not the kina left alone I meant. I just—I just want to go to my classes and focus on studying, that's what I mean by leaving me alone," desperation seeped from Lorna's voice.
The close vicinity between her face and Annalisa's didn't help the sensation of fear that appeared to take over her entire body. There wasn't anywhere for her to move, either, particularly not with the taller girl's tight grip on her shirt.
Using one hand to keep her hold on Lorna, the blonde used her other one to open the locker right behind her back. A chortle escaped her as she let her eyes look down on the younger teen. The teen who always underestimated what lengths she was willing to go through to maker her life hell. With the locker wide-open in back of them, Annalisa shoved Lorna backwards into it and hurriedly slammed the door shut. The sound of her feet kicking violently at the metal she was entrapped in brought a smirk to her face.
She stuck her fingers in the slit at the bottom of the locker door, letting them touch tauntingly over the calf that was pushed up against it. "You always undermine what I'm capable of, don't ya? I always stick to my words, Morello. Now, enjoy your alone time. It's better that you're in there, you don't have to be bothered by me anymore or anyone else. Especially that icky Nicky Nichols, you know being lesbian with her isn't going to benefit either of you. You'll get yourself lynched, trust me."
Confined within the very constraint walls of the skinny girls' room locker, Lorna kicked her feet loudly at the bottom of the door. She could faintly see through the slit at the bottom Annalisa's legs gradually fading away from her line of view. Both a relieving and unnerving sight to see, she mentally recognized. That meant she'd been left alone in the locker room literally stuffed inside one with no one there to hear her banging on the metallic object.
When she heard the sound of the door leading back to the gym closing shut, the finality of her situation set in and panic steadily crept up. Her heart pounded severely in her chest, breathing became louder and quicker. She kicked harder at the door of the locker, hoping it would eventually cause it to break off. Her eyes shut for a moment and she wondered if she would ever be helped out of there or if her life would end in a fucking high school locker room. A pathetic way to go, she deemed. No, her inner voice echoed, she was simply a pathetic excuse of a human being and therefore if that were how she ended then clearly she deserved it.
So engrossed with her thoughts, the sound of another person's presence went unnoticed by her until the clinking of the broken door from the locker she was crowded in against the tile floor on the other side caught her attention. Lorna regained control of her breathing once more when she realized there was an open space for her to escape out of. She swiftly moved herself towards the opening, twisting her body in a way she didn't think was humanly possible but the only way that would be sufficient for her to get out of that damn space.
It took some time before she was finally able to set herself free and once she stood back on the outside of that god-forsaken locker, she stared at it with a surprising mien on her face—from how skinny it was, she couldn't believe she was able to fit in the thing to begin with.
Slushing of a mop along the tiled floor instantly moved Lorna's attention away from the locker and over towards where it was coming from.
"Did you just come outta that locker?" It was Miss Warren's voice that spouted out the question while turning slightly from her cleaning supply cart to peer over at Lorna with pondering eyes.
Chapter 40
Notes:
I just want to thank those who are still reading this story, it really means a lot to me. I'm also sorry that it's so excruciatingly slowly paced, I have so much I want to accomplish with this story but I can certainly be way too wordy (more often than not) and I'm so sorry for that.
Chapter Text
Chapter Thirty-Nine
The shorter brunette gave a timid nod while walking slightly nearer the older woman. There was something about Miss Warren that made her feel safe—she had a comforting aura surrounding her, Lorna believed. She didn't need to contemplate for long how to respond to her inquiry; there was an unspoken trust between them which had been built upon since their first encounter many weeks earlier. She let a breath of air expel from her lungs before allowing herself to voice her answer.
"Yeah, I-I was um trapped in there." Her eyes averted down on the tiles beneath where she stood. Mentally counting each colored spec that made up its pattern.
"Trapped as in someone shoved ya in there?" Suzanne asked, setting the mop that was previously in her hands aside and placing them on each of her hips. Her brown eyes gazed ahead into the teen's, watching as she slowly bobbed her head up and down in response. Without even needing to ask who could have done something so atrocious, a certain blonde-haired teen came to Suzanne's mind. "Hmm, is it that girl with the blonde hair? The one who made those comments to ya in the bathroom a while ago?" It made sense that she could have been the one who'd done it, Suzanne thought, that child seemed a bit too on edge for her liking.
Lorna swallowed a lump in her throat; she felt tears forming along the bottom of her eyelids and hurriedly sucked them in to stop them from spilling outwards. Her hand immediately was brought up to her face, wiping beneath the lids of her eyes for safe measure. So much for a decent day of school, she thought. As if her life hadn't already been turned upside down enough, this incident had be added to the list. She drew in a breath and moved her hand to the top of her head in order to habitually slick back her brown waves. "Um, yeah. She was just kinda playing a little joke on me is all. No big deal."
Hearing her explanation, Suzanne narrowed her eyes a small amount as if that alone would be able to assist her in deciphering whether it was an honest one or not. She brought a hand up and tapped it methodically against one of her temples. "I may be wrong but isn't being shoved in a locker kind of the opposite of a joke? That blondie girl wasn't too nice to you that other time, either, I remember. So are you sure she's not possibly bullying you?"
She deterred her eyes across at Lorna and held her other hand up in the air to yield her attention. "I only ask because I, too, was bullied in school and kind of thought the same way you are now. I thought the other kids were just joking with me but they really were just tryna hurt me. Least that's what my therapist pointed out to me years later," her shoulders casually recoiled upwards.
"You, uh, you were bullied? How did ya keep people from finding out? I mean not that that's what I'm dealing with or nothing. Just, ya know, curious." The question was worded in such a way that it disguised what she was expecting to keep hidden. She let her eyes wander to the row of lockers behind Miss Warren and discretely longed for the other's answer to somehow advise her on how to make sure no one ever found out about Annalisa's cruel behavior towards her.
Folding her arms over her chest, the janitor tilted her head slightly while allowing her brown eyes to gaze Lorna over relatively sternly. She couldn't quite figure out the young teen. It was certainly palpable to her that Lorna was dealing with something more than she had been letting onto. And the more she let her mind ponder over it, the more her concern grew. She didn't want to unknowingly encourage her to keep up whatever it was when it seemed to be causing self-destruction.
"I didn't know I was being bullied when it was happening that's why no one else knew. But to me, it kind of looks like this blondie girl is bullying you. And if that's the case, I can't let it keep happening. That would be wrong and against the rules. It's not good to break rules, ya know that? Do ya wanna tell me what's going on with you and her?"
The brunette felt her heart nearly drop into her stomach. How had the school janitor been so easily able to see through to the truth when even her school counselor hadn't? She swallowed a wad of saliva and scratched her knuckles along the side of her face. Of course, she rationalized, Miss Warren was the only person to be there when Annalisa had seemingly been taunting her. That clearly had to be the only reason she was able to figure out the truth versus any other adults in the building.
Still, Lorna wasn't very fond with such realization. That meant she had to actually come clean about what was going on, which wasn't something she felt ready to do quite yet. She inhaled a sharp breath and moved the hand from her cheek back to her hair so she could run it through like a comb once again. A motion that was like a security blanket to her now.
"She just, I don't know. She doesn't really like me so she kinda picks on me a lot. But that's normal, ain't it? I mean everyone gets picked on sometimes, right?"
Suzanne slowly shook her head at the query. Back in her school days, she more than likely would have agreed with Lorna on that—she, too, had normalized being picked on by the other kids in her class. But in the present, after having been through therapy, she acknowledged that it wasn't typically normal for students to mistreat others in such a way that it caused them to have recurring nightmares each night or panic attacks when going to the mall.
"No, I don't think it's normal anymore. When I was your age, I would say the same but no, it's not. I mean I know my therapist told me that there was a difference between bullying and picking fun at someone. And I would lean my beliefs toward this girl is bullying ya more so than just picking on you. Because shoving people in lockers isn't something a friend would do as a sort of joke, does that make sense?"
As much as the older woman's words factually declared through Lorna's ears, her mind convinced her otherwise. It wasn't okay for her to allow anyone else in on her sufferings. No one needed to be dragged into that mess, her inner voice reminded her. No matter how appealing it sounded to finally let everything slip up, it wasn't something she deserved. If she had been deserving of anything of that sort she wouldn't have been dealt the life she was currently existing in.
Coming out of her thoughts, Lorna sucked in some air and pursed her lips into a smile. She needed to go back to pretending her life wasn't completely falling apart. Pretending would make everything better, she prompted herself. At least it used to do that before she met people who actually took the slightest of interest in her. "I mean I guess that makes sense. But it's not like she shoves me in lockers on a regular basis or nothin'. I just I guess I piss her off sometimes. S'okay though. I'll just have to make sure I avoid her is all."
"But it's not really okay. It's not okay to excuse that kinda stuff when it's harmful to you, Lorna. Now I know I'm just a school janitor but I still will not sit back when it's real obvious to me that another student is mistreating you this way. Come with me, let's go see the counselor. At least she'll be able to help more than what I can do," Suzanne suggested, turning to walk towards the door.
Lorna immediately shook her head at such a recommendation; the last thing she wanted to happen right now was for any more incidents of hers to be broadcasted to any other people. Because clearly if Annalisa had somehow heard of the whole gun fiasco with her father via the news then surely so had the rest of her classmates. She wasn't going to add being bullied to that list of what everyone knew about her.
"But I'm not asking for help. I don't want or need to be helped," she pointed out while exasperatingly throwing her hands up in the air.
Standing with her back against the door that separated the locker room from the gymnasium, the older woman crossed her arms over her chest and stared perceptively at Lorna. "You don't always have to ask for help to receive it, Lorna. And you may say you don't want or need it but that doesn't necessarily make it true. Now, come on."
It was a reluctant—somewhat forceful—decision that Lorna made to comply and follow Miss Warren down into her school counselor's office. The second she entered inside of it, however, her eyes nearly assumed what they saw was a hallucination of some sort. It had to be. She couldn't comprehend what reason Nicky would be doing sitting in one of the chairs that sat opposite of Mrs. Mendoza's desk. For a moment, she stood frozen in her spot by the door.
Their heads quickly turned and two sets of eyes focused their gazes on her. Probably the janitor as well who'd stood slightly to the side of the door. Nonetheless, Lorna instantly felt a queasiness meld into the pit of her stomach and chewed on her bottom lip. This was a bad idea, she told herself, she should have never given in to Suzanne's request to go with her to the guidance office.
Miss Warren cleared her throat, slightly uncomfortable to have anyone staring in her direction for too long, and gestured her hand over towards the petite brunette. "I was cleaning the girl's locker room down in the gym and found Lorna in there. I just kinda thought it might be a good idea for her to come here and talk with you about some things that I suspect may be going on with her and another student," she informed the counselor, who sat in her chair behind her desk with reading glasses covering atop her eyes.
Gloria gave a nod in the other's direction along with a friendly smile and waved her hand towards Lorna, gesturing for her to have a seat over in the chair beside where Nicky was sat.
With the door shutting behind her from the custodial worker exiting the room, Lorna swallowed thickly and wordlessly made her way over to sit down. One leg crossed over the other as she sat in the plastic chair. Her eyes slightly shifted across at Nicky, who had a somber expression shaped on her face. Sucking her bottom lip inwards, she returned her gaze onto her lap and exhaled a deep breath. There was something fishy in the air. She felt like she was playing a part in some form of intervention.
"I'm glad you were able to join us, Lorna. I tried calling down to your first period class but Mrs. Bell said ya hadn't shown up. We were beginning to worry about you," Mrs. Mendoza pointed out, narrowing her glasses a smidge so she could get a closer look at the young brunette. Her eyes studied over her carefully.
In the seat next to her, Nicky innately reached a hand over to cover over one of Lorna's and gave it a tender squeeze. After finally hearing what her beloved girlfriend had been going through for the past god-only-knew how many months, her heart swelled with a great deal of compassion and empathy for her. She couldn't even think of the words to say her just yet, rather tightened her grasp on the younger teen's hand. Silently making sure she knew that she wasn't alone anymore.
Squinting her eyes, Lorna looked the Hispanic woman over skeptically. Her inclination seemed to be right so far; there was certainly something peculiar looming through the room. She bit down on her lip and shifted her one foot that rested on the floor around out of nervousness. "So, you were planning for me to come down here no matter what? Why? What the hell is going on?" Both the counselor and Nicky wore the same dreary miens, which only added to Lorna's apprehension.
Mrs. Mendoza quickly waggled a hand in Nicky's direction to clairvoyantly inform her she would be the one to answer the query. "Yes, I've been in contact with your outpatient therapist and you know we're supposed to meet every other day during the school week. Did you forget about that, Lorna?"
"Oh, uh, no but I-I just, what's Nicky doing here? Are ya guys plotting something against me? I'm confused," the words spilled frantically from Lorna's mouth as she looked between the two of them.
To hear her girlfriend's panic-stricken interrogation, Nicky grabbed her hand and laced their fingers softly together. There was no time for her to take any of it in a personal manner not while there were so many more important things that needed to be brought forward and discussed today. At least that was what Nicky had to mentally remind herself of. She kept silent, for now, allowing only physical comfort to be given to the young brunette beside her.
"No one is plotting anything against you," the older woman assured her softly, using a thumb to push her glasses back onto the bridge of her nose. She allowed her eyes to peer Lorna over intently for a few seconds. After hearing about the current situation she was in, she felt her heart ache a slight amount for her. The foster system was no place for a child, she thought. It broke her heart.
Inhaling a breath, the counselor pulled herself out of her mind and observed the expression on the brunette teen's face carefully. "Nicky's here because she thought it might be good for ya to have someone supportive with you when we discuss what's going on in your life right now," she pointed out gently, hoping nothing she stated inadvertently upset her.
"What's going on in my life right now," Lorna repeated in more of an announcement than a question.
She squinted her eyes while trying to decode the meaning behind the counselor's revelation. How was everyone hearing about the mess she presently appeared to be in? She brushed a hand through her dark waves of hair and puffed out an airy breath. Nothing made sense to her as she sat there in the school's guidance office, wondering how any of what was occurring had even been real. Naturally, her arms folded over her chest as her eyes pierced strongly across the desk into Mrs. Mendoza's.
"I don't know what you expect me to say."
"Why don't you just tell me what's going on? How's that?" Mrs. Mendoza threw back in a way that showed she wasn't going to back down from the topic. She mirrored Lorna with her own arms folded over her chest.
Lorna bit down on her lip, chewing the side of it nervously. Her shoulders bounced up a slight amount. "Why? It's clear to me ya probably already know so what's the point in me sayin' nothin'?"
"Anything—It's anything, kid," Nicky tenderly corrected, pressing a soft kiss atop her head.
The younger teen snapped her head around to give a frustrated glance towards her girlfriend. With everything else that was whirling through her mind in that moment, a grammar lesson was one of the last things she needed. Instead of voicing her distaste at Nicky's comment—despite it being true and not made out of spite—Lorna drew in a breath and closed her eyes.
Gloria watched the interaction between the girls and felt a bit of her own uneasiness come up at hearing the redhead's good-natured correction. Right then was certainly not the best time for that, her mental voice deemed, however she wasn't going to point that out. It was clear Lorna's silence confirmed such. Rather, she chose to focus back on her own line of questioning. "I don't know anything except how worried and concerned your girlfriend is for you. What's going on? Keeping everything inside is only going to continue to hurt you, Lorna."
"I am already late to class, I don't understand why you want me to sit here and talk about that kinda stuff when I'm supposed to be in class so I don't fail and end up in this stupid school for even longer. I mean I have a therapist I talk to, so why do I have to talk to you about personal things? Ain't my grades more important?" Lorna fired out her questions, shifting which leg she had crossed over the other. Truly, it seemed highly counterproductive to her that she was sitting in this room when her grades were slipping so vastly.
Throwing a hand up and gesturing it over at Nicky, Lorna peered wide-eyed across towards the Hispanic woman. "As she pointed out, even my grammar sucks. So I think this whole counselor stuff is a waste a time. It's just making me suck even more in all the school subjects. And I do not wanna end up having to repeat ninth grade because a this."
Swallowing uneasily, Nicky only tightened her hand around her girlfriend's. Brushing her thumb delicately along the creases of the inside of the smaller girl's hand. She inhaled deeply and looked down at her with compassionate eyes. Fully knowing, now, all that Lorna had suffered through in at least the six months she'd known her she desired for nothing more than to truly be there for her and help her to work past it all. She just hoped that Lorna would be willing to allow her to do so.
"Lorna, how can you focus on your grades when there are things going on in your life that clearly seem to be weighing down on you? School work comes second when it's obvious you're going through something. Now, you can sit here and continue to make excuses or act like there's nothing wrong but I can promise you that's not going to make whatever it is go away. In fact, it would probably only make things worse."
The brunette teen shook her head sharply at Mrs. Mendoza's comment. It made her mind ponder on whether she really had known something and was only lying to make her feel better about it. Either way, the whole atmosphere that surrounded her caused her to feel a strong bout of discomfort. As if her entire existence was being torn from beneath her. She sucked in a breath, felt her throat raw and dry. Was the room suddenly humid? Sweat perspired through each pore of her flesh.
Tapping her hand against the material of the pants that covered her legs, she fixed her eyes on the window to the right of Mrs. Mendoza's desk. Sun shone through the stained glass but was unable to pour through the room like it would a normal window. "So, ya do already know whatever it is you think I don't know that you know but lied to me that you knew nothing? Am I right?"
It took both the counselor and Nicky a few seconds to process what Lorna had just recited. Gloria decided on taking a moment to reach for her cup of coffee, sipping it slowly. Needing the caffeine to push through her veins. She set it back in its spot after a few drinks of it and returned her gaze onto Lorna. "I would rather hear it from you, Lorna. You're the one who needs to mention it. What is going on in your life at this very moment?"
Lorna violently brought her hands up to place on the sides of her face and rolled her neck frustratedly around her shoulders. "I. do. Not. Know. What. You. Are. Talking. About. The only thing going in my life right now is I'm fucking failing my damn classes and instead of being in them, I'm stuck in here. Let me go to class," she cried out, moving her hands from her face and throwing them up above her head.
Growing impatient and irritated, Nicky grabbed onto the younger girl's cheeks and forcefully turned her face so that they were eye-to-eye. She peered sternly down at her, searching her over quite intently. "Stop, stop it. Stop with this fucking act, Lorna, it's beyond the point of ridiculous now. You know that's not what the fucking problem is. You know that. Stop pretending. You're not fucking okay, Lorna. Why can't you just admit that? Why can't you just fucking be real for once?"
Despite her words being on the harsher side, the redhead made sure to snake her arms death-grippingly securely around Lorna's waist so that she couldn't get up to run away as she always seemed to do when the conversation morphed into practicality. She tried to suppress her anger; it wasn't Lorna she was angry at. No, in fact, all she felt towards Lorna was compassion and empathy. But the constant pretending that she took part in was quickly wearing on her nerves.
Gloria put up a hand and waved it between the pair of them. "Let's try to not argue with each other, okay? That won't help either, Nicky. I know it upsets you to see someone you care about suffering but take it from someone who can sort of relate, being yelled at about it will only make her feel worse and that will just lead to her continuing to bottle everything up."
After receiving a reluctant nod from the redhead, Gloria narrowed her eyes over onto Lorna. That girl was one hard shell to crack, she deemed. It felt near impossible to get her to open up about anything that was going on in her life—all the more understandable it was for Nicky's outburst. To watch someone she cared about continuously refuse to acknowledge the facts had to have been tiring for her.
A breath of air naturally expelled from her lungs.
"Why don't we discuss what happened in the locker room for starters? And ya can't talk your way out of that one, honey, Miss Warren found you in there," Mrs. Mendoza questioned and gestured a hand in the air to emphasize the last part of what she spoke.
Lorna immediately bit down on her bottom lip. Trying to come up with a response to that question without having to give an honest statement mentally exhausted her. She sighed. Maybe that was the older woman's exact plan for asking her such a question. It was a trap. They wanted to stump her and manipulate her into giving them the factual information of what occurred. Of course, to anyone who wasn't Lorna, that was a logical and reasonable thing to want but Lorna hadn't been logical or reasonable in a very long time.
"I was in the locker room and I saw Miss Warren cleaning it so I talked to her because she's nice and I like her. What's the big deal?"
Lifting a hand up to her forehead, Mrs. Mendoza mechanically used it to push back her hair. She reached for her coffee cup and sipped the liquid to take a moment to recenter herself. It wasn't her place to display her frustration with Lorna. She knew Lorna's refusal to admit to anything was only a coping mechanism. A highly detrimental coping mechanism, however, a coping mechanism, nonetheless.
"Yes, and Miss Warren mentioned there might be something going on with you and another student. I see you cleverly avoided mentioning any of that, huh? Let's talk about that. Who's this student, Lorna?" Gloria folded her arms over her chest while holding an intent gaze on the petite brunette across from her.
The brunette held open her hand and slightly waved it in front of her counselor's face. "I plead the fifth," she muttered. Her eyes deterred away from Mrs. Mendoza and fixed down on her hands that sat restlessly atop her lap. Life kept getting more and more on her nerves, lately. She yearned to get up from her chair but Nicky's arm was still wrapped rather tightly around her waist. And although it initially caused a faint irritation, now such a sensation appeared to lull her and her head became heavier.
Nicky noticed the feeling of Lorna's body finally relaxing into her arms and leaned her head somewhat so that her eyes were peering down onto her. She noted the fatigue that emanated from her eyes and carefully took hold of her head, laying it softly onto her shoulder. Her hand combed soothingly through her brown waves of hair. "Babe, pleading the fifth isn't gonna make it all better. Mrs. Mendoza is right, kid, just because you refuse to talk about the problem doesn't mean the problem is gonna poof away."
The Hispanic woman nodded in agreeance with Nicky's words. "Very good point, Nicky. And anyway, pleading the fifth doesn't apply to this situation. That's something people who are being investigated for a crime would do, Lorna. You haven't been accused or committed of any crimes. You only need to be open about what you're dealing with, that's all. You wanna feel better don't you?"
"I feel fine already, though. What do I need to feel better about? The fact that everything in my life is falling apart and I can't do shit to control it? Or the fact that there's not enough counseling or therapy in the world to make me less me?"
To make Lorna less Lorna? The question repeated through Nicky's mind; she squinted her eyes as if that would help her comprehend if she'd heard her right. Her arms instinctively tightened around the petite waist they embraced. She brushed her lips warmly atop Lorna's head, wishing her kisses could poof away all of her problems. "But Lorna, beautiful, nobody wants you to be less you. That's not what getting help is for—it's not to make you less you, it's to make you more you."
Gloria clasped her hands together, nodding her head fervently in agreement with the redhead's comment. She looked her over and couldn't resist the smile that formed from the corner of her lips. It was clear to her just how much Nicky genuinely cared for Lorna's well-being and Gloria found that to be the most precious thing. That was the epitome of true friendship. "Nicky, I couldn't have said that better myself. You're a wise young lady, ya know that?"
Shifting her eyes back onto the younger teen, she gestured a hand at her and said, "Everything that your best friend just said is exactly right. We aren't here to make you less you but rather more you. That's why we push you so hard because you need to talk about the things you don't like to. That's the only way you can truly heal from the suffering, Lorna."
"No, Nicky's not my best friend. She's my girlfriend," the brunette quickly corrected while reaching to grab a hold of Nicky's hand in her own.
Albeit the frustration that loomed over her, she wasn't afraid to make sure everyone knew that the girl beside her wasn't only the best friend she'd ever had but also her girlfriend. That was something that needed to be established with anyone who thought otherwise, she mentally vowed to herself. Nicky was everything to her and she'd be damned if anyone ever even thought that she was ashamed to admit such. Because that was the one thing Lorna didn't feel any shame in—her romantic relationship with Nicky, that was something she cherished more than life itself. She took a lot of pride in their relationship.
"Oh, I'm sorry—I didn't know you two were girlfriends, Lorna, that's my bad. But lemme just say you have a very wise girlfriend," Mrs. Mendoza amended, the smile on her face not faltering in the slightest. "So, with that in mind, let's talk about the locker room mishap. What happened in there? Which student was Miss Warren referring to?"
The brunette felt a lump in the back of her throat and swallowed to try to get rid of it. Eradicating the lumpy sensation with a gulp did nothing but transfer it into her stomach. She sighed, looking down at her lap in dismay. Was it really worth it to keep up her charade? The mental fatigue it caused her only influenced physical pain to manifest within her. She sighed a second time. If she gave in and brought to light what was really going on with her, she'd only be dragging others into the same misery as well. And that wasn't what she wanted to do. She didn't want anyone else to have to hurt like she did. She didn't want Nicky to feel like she had to help her with any of it because that was a burden too heavy for her to take on. Lorna couldn't allow her to do that. She closed her eyes and sucked in a breath, retelling herself why she was keeping everything hidden in the first place. To avoid burdening the people she cared about with what even she hadn't want to be stuck dealing with.
"No one important. Can we move on from that? I don't care to talk about it anymore."
"Has anyone ever told you how stubborn you are?" Gloria asked, clearing her throat to rid it of the mucus that had gathered at the back of it. She looked her over with a searing intensity. There was not a single student she'd counseled in the past twelve years she'd worked there who was as stubborn as the one sitting across from her. A level of stubborn that certainly ensued a fierce strength of hindrance for those on the receiving end of it.
Lorna shifted her right shoulder forward and deterred her eyes back out the window. "I'm really fucking done with this. I just I want my life to be normal again, is that so bad a me to want?"
Shaking her head, Gloria felt her heart gradually start to ache. Were they on the verge of a break through? She could only hope so. There was no stopping now, she deemed. If she wore her down enough, there was a chance Lorna would finally crack and spill it all out. "What's not normal about your life right now?"
Sucking her bottom lip inwards, Lorna felt a bout of fury boiling beneath her skin. She folded her hands in her lap and tapped her feet loudly against the tiled floor beneath her. "Well, I have to sit in here with you instead of being in class like all the other students. That's not normal. You keep saying things and it's making me so mad. I just want to stop. Please, can you please stop? This is really fucking tiring. Why do you like making me mad?"
"I don't like making you mad, Lorna. That's not what I'm here to do. I'm here to help you but you need to help yourself, too."
Forcing herself up from the chair, the brunette angrily paced through the office. Anger possessed her, engulfed her. She felt like she couldn't focus on anything other than the unrelenting anger. Her eyes searched the room methodically, she needed something to release all the pent up anger. Something, anything—a pair of scissors caught her eye from within a pen holder on Mrs. Mendoza's desk. She peered at them longingly, knowing the sharpness of the point tips would cut nicely through her skin. And the pain of that would be enough to take her attention off the anger for at least a few minutes. Mechanically, she strode her way over and snatched them rather inhospitably from the jeweled glassware it sat inside of.
Chapter 41
Notes:
Yesterday (August 9th, 2022) marked the two year anniversary of my grandmother's passing, unfortunately. I honestly still cannot fathom how it's been two years already - it feels like it was just yesterday that I lost her. Anyway, I just wanted to take time to state how amazing my beautiful grandma was and I know she's glad to be wherever her soul lives on at. So, in part of that (kind of anyway), this chapter is mainly a little memory/flashback of Lorna and her mom. But it does also serve a larger purpose than just being a reminiscent, semi-fluffy, piece.
Chapter Text
Chapter Forty
With the scissors tightly grasped in her hands, Lorna meekly made her way nearer the door that led back out to the hallway. Her attention solely on the object in her hands, unaware that she still had two people witnessing each move she'd been making.
Observing Lorna's actions closely for the past several moments, Gloria had quickly acted when she saw the scissors in her possession and jumped up from her chair to stand over in front of her office door. Whatever the young girl was planning to do, she wasn't going to exit that room with sharp scissors in her hands. She guarded the door comparable to how a German shepherd guarded its owner's front yard. The second Lorna approached the spot right in front of her, she peered her over with a heap of compassion.
"Lorna, why do you have those scissors in your hand? And why are you ready to leave my office with them?" Gloria threw out her questions faster than she had intended but the worry that she felt took control of the conversation before she could stop it.
Nicky, who sat rather numbly in her chair right next to her girlfriend's empty one, watched the whole thing unfold in an unnerving manner. She rubbed at her eyes as if that would magically help her comprehend what she'd just witnessed. The second she caught Lorna's hand reaching for that damn pair of scissors her heart vastly plummeted into her stomach. She swallowed hard and turned her head in the direction of the school counselor and her girlfriend, desperately hoping that Mrs. Mendoza would be able to get through to her.
It was as though Lorna was entrapped inside of a glass cage because the voice that had clearly been speaking to her sounded muffled and much farther away than it actually was. She squinted her eyes while lifting her head to look up at the culprit of such noise, trying to piece together what was coming from her mouth. Her hand gripped tighter on the scissors, she grunted out a breath of air. All she wanted to do was escape through the door so she could be alone with the object she grasped. It was the only solution that seemed right to her at the time. The only way to ease the discomfort of all that was happening around her. Silence her mind, even.
Gloria waved a hand in her face when she realized the faint disorientation that appeared to ooze from it. "Lorna, are you hearing me? What are you doing with those scissors?"
Fixing her eyes on the knob of the door behind Gloria's back, the brunette bit down on her lower lip. How was she going to get a hold of that knob with her counselor standing right in the way of it? She swallowed a wad of saliva and moved her eyes slowly back onto the older woman. For a moment, she silently stood there probing her face and took a mental note of the genuine concern that sat upon it. That sight only made her bite down harder on her lip. She wasn't sure how to respond or even if she had the energy to form a coherent one.
The knob of that door was calling her name. Lorna closed her eyes and inhaled fiercely. She couldn't handle sitting in that office any longer listening to Mrs. Mendoza ask her questions that she knew she couldn't give proper answers for. It truly exhausted her physical and mental physique. "I don't know what you're talking about," the words automatically exited her mouth without her having a second to process them. She knew that had to be the absolute most absurd response she could possibly give. Clearly, she knew she had the scissors in her possession in that exact moment.
"It's like pulling teeth to get you to talk about anything, Lorna," Mrs. Mendoza muttered back, bringing her hands up to squeeze exasperatingly against her cheeks.
"God, Lorn, it's like I gotta pull teeth round' here just to get ya to tell me what's wrong," Stansie Morello declared as she stood in the doorway of her eleven-year-old daughter's room. Her hands were folded exhaustively along each of her hips as she peered through the room at the crying form that lied against the mattress of the bed.
The preteen child sniffled into the pillow beneath her face, letting her tears soak into its fabric. There was a moistness on the crotch of her pants and that only made her cry harder. She felt so out of control as she lain there in a puddle of tears and her own urine. While her mother watched over her from the archway of her bedroom door. It took her several moments to calm her crying enough that she was able to turn to look at Mrs. Morello. Her eyes now sat red and puffy with tears pouring lesser and lesser from them.
Stansie took the child's shift in position as her hint to walk fully into the room. She came in and sat down on the mattress beside her daughter's face. Within seconds she realized there was a slight wetness seeping up to her and immediately stood right back up. Her eyes peered widely down at Lorna, "Why is your bed wet? Have ya started your first period, perhaps?"
Cheeks instantly reddening, Lorna bowed her head in shame. She wasn't sure if her cheeks were red from her mother's assuming she had finally hit puberty or if it was the extreme guilt that appeared to be eating at her. Either way, there was an uneasiness that now loomed through her room. "I, um, I had an accident. I-I'm sorry, mom," she nearly choked on a sob that came whirling up from her throat.
"An accident," the older brunette repeated with an unreadable expression.
She sighed. That was the second time in the same week Lorna had informed her of having an accident. Something wasn't adding up, she thought, and trying to get her daughter to open up about what was bothering her proved to be near impossible. Her husband certainly hadn't been any help in that department, either. It had appeared that he didn't even care that there was something clearly going on with their child and Stansie couldn't understand why not.
Tuning back into the current situation, Stansie held up a hand and motioned for Lorna to get out of the bed. "Come on, ya needa put on clean clothes. You'll end up with a rash if ya stay in those. I'll throw your bedsheets in the wash and then when you're changed, come downstairs and sit in the kitchen with me. We need to have a talk, hon."
While Lorna worked on changing into a fresh pair of pajamas, Stansie took the bedsheets with her out of the room and down the stairs in leu of the laundry room that was right off the kitchen. Once she had them in the washing machine and turned it on, she stopped back in the living room where her husband lazily reclined on that damn reclining chair of his. Her eyes rolled to the back of her head. All he seemed to care about lately was gluing his eyes to that fucking TV screen.
She cleared her throat, walking over to grab the remote off of the end-table that was beside the chair Joe sat in. Clicking the television off, she peered darkly down at the man. Her arms crossed tiredly over her chest. "We have a problem here, Joe," she informed him, a seriousness emanating from her brown eyes.
"Yeah, yer right, we do gotta problem here," Mr. Morello agreed, pushing his feet roughly against the foot rest to pull the recliner back into an upright position. "I was in the middle of the Yankees game and ya just fuckin' shut it off on me. Now, turn the damn TV back on."
His response was all it took for the anger to display one Stansie's face. She gripped the remote tighter in her hands and shook her head profusely at her husband. "I don't give a shit about your damn Yankees game, Joe. The problem is our daughter—she keeps fucking having accidents in her bed. Do ya know how many loads a laundry I've had to do in the past week? We need to talk to Lorna and get to the bottom of this."
Joe threw his hands up in the air. "Lorna peed the bed again? Ya fuckin' kidding me? The hell's her problem, little twat. What we need to do is put the brat in diapers if she can't use the damn toilet like a normal person," he retorted while reaching for his beer that sat on the coaster of the end table on the other side of his chair. He took a large swig of it and shook his head distastefully at his wife. His wife who, he deemed, babied their children way more than they needed to be.
"Would ya stop calling our daughter fucking names? She is a normal person, but obviously something's wrong and we need to talk to her about it. Are ya coming or not? And ya better not yell at her, Joe. You know damn well she doesn't respond to your damn yelling," Stansie assured him, rolling her eyes when she caught a glimpse of the beer in his hands. That was all he appeared to take an interest in those days, was beer and the fucking Yankees.
Taking another sip of his beverage, Mr. Morello shook his head and held his hand out. "You talk to her, I don't give a shit. Yer the one who wanted to fuckin' keep the damn brat when ya found out you got pregnant with her so she's yer problem. Give me the damn remote, now. Yer makin' me miss the fucking game. I swear to God if they lose, it's on you."
Stansie threw the remote at his head and peered furiously down at him. She couldn't understand what the hell happened to the man she married. Because the one who sat in that recliner certainly wasn't who she remembered reciting their vows to on their wedding day twenty years ago. "Fuck you, Joe. You're a real asshole lately," she bit down on her bottom lip to keep herself from acting out on any of the emotions that swirled through her body.
"Real funny, Stansie. Ya haven't fucked me in months. Get outta here and leave me in peace," Joe yelled back, grabbing the remote from where it fell on his lap and turning the television back on so he could resume watching the game.
Walking about in the kitchen, Stansie settled on grabbing the tea kettle from the lazy Susan beside the dishwasher. She placed it in the sink to let it fill up with cold water and when it reached two cups, she shut off the water. Once it was placed onto the stove, with the heat already turned on, the sound of footsteps caught her attention. She turned towards it and her eyes landed on the disheveled appearance of her daughter. Her heart slightly constricted in her chest at such a vision.
"Come sit down, hon. I just put a kettle a tea on. Ya want anything to eat? I don't remember seeing ya eat a thing today, now that I think about it," Mrs. Morello gestured for the petite child to have a seat at the table that was right on the side of the island. Her eyes peered carefully over her daughter, she felt a lump mold into the pit of her stomach to realize something was blatantly going on with her and have no clue what it was or how to help.
Lorna timidly obeyed and walked over to sit down in one of the chairs at the small, circular, table. Her stomach rumbled but she refused to accept any food. The mere thought of eating anything lately only made her feel nauseous. "I-I'm not hungry, ma. Tea sounds good enough," was her quiet response, she focused her eyes on the surface of the table. She still felt shamed over the bed-wetting incident.
Gathering a couple of mugs from the cabinet on the right of the stove, Stansie did her best to get a grasp on her youngest daughter's words. She sucked her lower lip slightly underneath the top one while preparing each mug with cream and sugar. "Not hungry, hmm? What'd 'ya eat today, hon?" Waiting for the kettle to whistle, she turned around to fix her gaze back on the brunette child at the table. It hurt her heart tremendously to see how guilty her daughter looked as she sat there with her head hung downwards.
"I had a glass of water. I don't know. I haven't really been hungry, mom."
The kettle whistled alerting Stansie that the liquid had boiled and she went over to grab it off of the stove. She carried it to where the mugs sat, pouring it into each one just to right about the three quarter mark. Carefully, she brought the cups with her to the table and placed one in front of Lorna and the other on the surface across from her where she claimed the spot as her own.
Her eyes focused intently on her daughter. "You only had one glass a water today? Lorn, how do ya expect to survive on just water?"
Lorna cupped her hands around her teacup and transported it up to her lips for a sip. It was warm all the way down her esophagus to her throat, a comforting sensation. She set it back on the table, returning her mother's gaze with a slight trepidation oozing from her eyes. Ever since the Morello family reunion a couple of weeks ago, life seemed to change for her. Maybe not physically but mentally, everything felt completely out of her control and she didn't like it. She wanted control back, she needed it but had no idea how to regain it.
When she heard her mother's questions, it made her deliberate on whether she had even been aware that she hadn't really eaten much since that day. Her mind wasn't fixated on food or hunger or anything of the sort. Food meant nothing to her, she didn't have the time or energy to think about it. If she let her thoughts fall onto food, a queasiness was quick to follow. "I just don't feel well. My stomach has been hurtin'."
The response only strengthened the uneasiness that settled in Stansie's stomach. She picked up her mug and lifted it to her mouth, sipping it savoringly. How had she not noticed sooner that something had been off with her own daughter? A sigh pushed its way from her lungs. Ever since she and her husband started fighting more frequently, she began to take her attention away from the kids. She swallowed thickly, slightly angry with herself for allowing that to occur in the first place.
"What's wrong, honey? I know something's up with ya—this is the second night you've had an accident this week. Is there something going on at school? What's happening?"
Lorna kept her head down in direction of her cup of tea that was sat out on the surface in front of her. She let her eyes linger inside of it, watching as the liquid very slowly swayed back and forth. "No, nothin's going on at school," her voice murmured softly, she dipped a finger inside the mug and pushed the tea around with it. "I'm sorry I keep having accidents, mom, I-I guess I drink too much water before bed."
As she observed her daughter's behavior, it wasn't difficult for Stansie to pick up on the faint signs that something was blatantly off. The way Lorna barely looked up at her, or how she kept her voice so low that it was nearly impossible to clearly hear the words that came out of her—all of that made the woman piece together that her little girl was suffering through more than what she was willing to share. Her heart ached tremendously inside of her to know Lorna was dealing with something and refusing to be open about it with her.
Mrs. Morello took in a small breath and gently reached a hand across the table to cup around the eleven-year-old's cheek. Eyes peered compassionately into the meek eyes of her daughter. "You don't have to apologize, hon. I just want us to have a little talk, okay? I'm real worried bout' ya. I don't think the accidents have anything to do with you drinkin' too much water. I think something happened to you. But I don't know what that is. Can ya tell me what's been going on the past couple a weeks, Lorn?"
Swallowing the saliva that seemed to build up in her mouth, the brunette child timidly lifted her head to return the gaze her mother was giving her. Nobody else in the house had really taken a notice of the subtle change in her, Lorna took note of. No one had seen it but her mom. A sigh made its way from her lungs. Her mom always knew when something was wrong, she acknowledged. Maybe it was simply because she was her mom or maybe the other members of their family just had their attention elsewhere.
Distracting herself from her thoughts, she placed her hand inside of the handle of the mug and carried it up to her mouth for a small sip. She swallowed it, soothed by the warm liquid trickling all the way down to her throat. Her eyes peered above the cup directly onto her mother's face. She felt her shoulders slightly recoil into a shrug. "I, um, I don't know if uh I can tell you or not," Lorna finally mumbled, placing her cup of tea back down and reclaiming her earlier position.
"Of course you can tell me, Lorn. I'm your motha—I love you and want ya to talk to me about anything that's happening, okay? Now, go on, tell me what it is," Stansie quickly responded, allowing the hand that cupped around Lorna's cheek to gently caress along its flesh. Her eyes melded sternly, yet, with the utmost warmth and empathy into the young child who sat opposite her. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for her youngest daughter, she knew.
Closing her eyes momentarily, the brunette child mentally contemplated how to inform her mother of what had been the underlying culprit for her recent bed-wetting issue. One hand reached up to place onto her forehead. She manically rubbed it around its flesh while a large breath puffed out of her. What she planned to share, she wasn't sure how her mom would take it. If she'd even believe her—a reason she hadn't brought it up sooner. She was too afraid of being accused of lying.
Stansie was easily aware of how clammed up her daughter suddenly became, sitting on the other side of the table with her eyes squeezed shut and hand almost violently rubbing at her forehead. It tore sharply at her heart to see her so distraught. She swallowed a lump, moving her hand to gently place atop Lorna's tiny one that rested on the skin right above her eyes and stroked the palm of her own against the top of the brunette child's.
"Um, remember when we were at the family reunion?" Lorna's voice shakily questioned after several quiet moments passed by. She opened her eyes just enough that they were very slightly peeping out towards her mom. Her bottom lip sucked in underneath the top one.
To hear such a shakiness in her voice intensified the growing tightness in Mrs. Morello's chest. She brushed her thumb comfortingly over the pale knuckles of her daughter's hand and slowly nodded her head. Of course she remembered the reunion that took place only a couple of weeks prior—Mikey nearly gave her a heart attack when he put off the fireworks and almost accidently killed them all after he realized he'd set them off incorrectly. At least everyone survived to tell the tale, she thought.
Putting that memory aside, she used her other hand to cup underneath her chin as she tried to decipher where this question could possibly be leading to. Her eyes squinted while she played through her thoughts. Nothing else about the reunion appeared to stick out the more she dawned on it. "I can't forget it if I tried. Your brotha near took us all out with those damn fireworks," she remarked calmly, focusing her eyes back on her daughter's face.
Lorna couldn't resist the small chuckle that erupted from her throat at the memory. She looked down at her teacup and sighed. If only that was the highlight of the family picnic for herself, she thought sadly. It was an annual Morello summer tradition to have a huge familial reunion party in one of the local parks and, usually, it was one of the best parts of the summer for Lorna. But this year, that certainly wasn't the case. This year that event was single-handedly the outright most dreaded part of her summer vacation.
Her hands quickly cupped around the mug on the table and lifted it gradually to her lips. She sipped it, trying to distract herself from the uncomfortable sensation that seemed to take over her body. "Um, well, uh, ya know, erm, Uncle George?" Swallowing the tea, Lorna cautiously shifted her eyes from the cup to her mother.
It cut like a knife to see her child struggling so heavily just to talk. Something her Lorna never had a problem with—talking was always one of her main characteristics that drew others to her. It was so innate within her and to watch her, now, stammering over her words, that formed a knot in Stansie's gut. Clearly, whatever she was about to say wasn't going to be good. Not when it had the ability to have her choking over what came out of her mouth.
"Vaguely. Why? What about him?" The queries uneasily came out. Stansie bit down on her lower lip, eyeing her daughter over attentively. She really hadn't liked where this conversation seemed to be headed.
Brown eyes averted across the room to the clock that sat on the wall behind the stove. Lorna sucked in a sharp breath, preparing herself for what she was about to reveal. Her heart pounded harder, faster, inside her chest. She hoped her mother wouldn't accuse her of making it up—or even worse, be ashamed of her for what took place at that reunion. Either outcome wasn't pleasant, she confirmed.
Saliva built up rather profusely inside of her mouth, so, she swallowed it before finally deciding to speak once more. "Wh-when we were, um, sit-sitting at the table to eat…Uncle George, erm, he was—uh he was beside me and I-I, uh, I felt his-his hand," by that point, tears had formed beneath her eyelids and fell along her cheeks without giving her any time to suck them back in. She reached a hand up to wipe at them.
"Uncle George—I felt him to-to-touch my, uh, my private area, mom."
Biting down even harder on her bottom lip that it bled and the saltiness hit her tongue, Stansie shook her head violently. Processing what just came out from her daughter's mouth only formed a firing rage within her. Her eyes pierced intensely down into her child's blatant hysterical ones. "He did what?" She threw out her question but quickly shook her head again, not wanting Lorna to have to repeat herself.
Instead, she stood up from her chair and walked to the other side where the child sat and scooped her up into her arms. Stansie cradled her youngest daughter's head against her heart, swaying slowly back and forth to not only soothe Lorna but to also keep herself from acting on any of the anger bubbling through her veins. "Lorn, honey, why didn't ya tell me sooner? Were ya scared, is that it?" She permitted her fingers to comb tenderly through her child's thick brown waves.
Smaller arms instinctively wrapped around the neck of her mother. The embrace was the only thing that kept Lorna from completely falling apart at the rather traumatizing recollection of her uncle's disturbed behavior. Relief slightly washed over her to see that her mom hadn't been ashamed of her for what occurred or even hurled accusations at her of lying. She let herself slightly relax in the comforting arms of her mom.
"Uncle George told me if-if I said anything that no-no one would believe me," Lorna discovered her voice once again after letting a few silent sniffles tremble their way from her body. She kept her petite hands grasped onto the older woman's neck as if she'd suddenly collapse had she not held onto her. Or maybe it was the irrational fear in the back of her mind that if she had released her grip that somehow her uncle would appear before her and snatch her away.
Again, the rage came to a boiling point and Mrs. Morello had to grit down on her lower lip to hold it in. Her mind pondered on how the hell something like that had happened at a public family gathering. It wasn't only her husband's brother she was infuriated with, it was herself as well. How could she have not noticed that taking place? She sighed, tightening her arms around Lorna's small stature. Had her damn son not been playing with those stupid fireworks maybe her attention would have been on her youngest child. She shook her head and refocused on the present
Releasing Lorna from her arms, Stansie took her face gently in her hands and peered softly down into her child's saturated eyes. She used a thumb to caress delicately away the tears that soaked pale cheeks. "Well, Uncle George is a sick fu—piece of trash. No, now I understand why ya've been having so many accidents the last couple a days," she stated, sighing as she continued to cradle her hands around the cheeks of her daughter. "You can always talk to me, my sweet Lorn, you're my little girl and I will always believe what ya say."
Mrs. Morello smothered the top of her daughter's head in comforting kisses for several minutes before completely emancipating the embrace. She folded her hands over each hip, looking her over methodically. "Now, can I fix ya somethin' to eat? You need to consume something before ya go to sleep tonight," she pointed out, not even waiting for an answer before walking over to one of the cupboards to retrieve a box of Lorna's favorite cereal.
Lorna gulped while her eyes peered across the room, observing as her mother grabbed a bowl from another cabinet and poured a rather heaping amount of the cereal into it. Though her mind wasn't fully on board with eating, her stomach rumbled loudly for the nutrients that the bowl of cinnamon toast crunch would provide it with. She cautiously sat back down at the table and let out a sigh. There was no sense in arguing with her mother over a tiny bowl of cereal, she thought.
"I, um, I guess a little cereal will be okay but please no milk. Milk makes my tummy hurt, mom," she quickly commented when she saw Stansie opening the door of the refrigerator.
The brunette woman nodded responsively to her daughter's request. She reached for a container of yogurt, instead, and held it up. Her hand gestured for Lorna's eyes to look at the item in her hand. "I know—us Morellos have a milk sensitivity. That's why I picked out this yogurt instead; it's strawberry, your favorite kind. I'm gonna mix it in with the cereal, you need some protein."
"But, but that's a lotta food. I-I don't wanna get fat."
"Lorna, you are not gonna get fat by eating a bowl a cereal with a little yogurt. You're a growing girl and need the nutrients so that when ya start going through puber—"
Quickly, Lorna covered her ears and shook her head quite profusely at what her mother was about to let come out of her mouth. "Mom, please, I don't needa know bout' that now. Okay, fine, I'll have the yogurt too but please don't ever mention puberty again," she surrendered swiftly and grabbed her teacup that sat untouched in front of her for the past few minutes. A long, intense, sip she took of it before deciding to just finish it off all the way.
Stansie smiled indistinctly, carrying the bowl carefully over to the table to set down right in front of the brunette child. She placed the half-full container of yogurt on the other side where she'd been sitting and then hurriedly went to retrieve two spoons for the pair of them. Once she returned, she sat back down in her chair opposite Lorna and reached across to hand her the other spoon. "Well, my Lorn, one day soon ya will be dealing with that word whether ya want to or not—that's just part a life, hon."
"Now, just eat your food and relax. I'll make sure ya never see that perverted uncle a yours again. That's a promise. I'm gonna talk to your dad and see about making ya an appointment with a doctor, okay? I think it'd be good for ya to talk to someone about this and it might help make those accidents happen less frequently," Stansie firmly—yet in a soft tone—reassured her daughter between bites of the yogurt. "And, no matter what, I don't want you to ever feel like anything ya have to say to anyone is insignificant; because that'll never be true, my Lorn."
The room appeared silent and hushed even though Lorna's eyes could undoubtedly see Mrs. Mendoza's mouth moving and the eyebrows above her eyes were shifting in a way that indicated she was speaking to her. Yet, her ears weren't absorbing any of whatever had possibly been coming from it. She cupped the hand that was without scissors in it around an ear but that did nothing to improve the situation. In fact, the only sound she heard was the thumping of her own heart-beat. She swallowed away the thick saliva that coated her mouth and looked nervously around her surroundings.
Nothing changed; she still stood in the office of her counselor. Nicky still sat in the chair beside her empty one, though now she was getting up from it her eyes easily took notice of. She watched wordlessly as the redhead cautiously came over to where she was standing, Mrs. Mendoza continued to guard the door. Lorna sighed and reached her hand up to place on her forehead. A moistness came in contact with her palm. She hadn't realized she was sweating. It wasn't even hot in the room.
"My mom," the vibration of her vocal chords alerted her that she had spoken. Her eyes squinted as she looked straight past the counselor and out towards the hallway that displayed through the slender window on the door behind her. "Can ya, can ya call my mom, please? I, uh, I need her to come get me. Please."
Chapter Text
Chapter Forty-One
It took Nicky by complete and utter surprise to hear those words come from Lorna. In the past six months that the pair of them had known each other, she couldn't recall once hearing the young brunette so frantically call out for her mother comparable to how she was now. A breath of air escaped dramatically from her lungs at the realization that she nor Mrs. Mendoza could abide by her innocent request. She felt her heart constrict a slight amount as her big brown eyes peered intensely over her girlfriend's. There were tears making their way down her pale cheeks and Nicky's breath hitched.
Unsure of how exactly to respond to her distressing plead, Nicky did the only thing she could think of in that moment and engulfed her arms rather tightly around the brunette's waist. Her own eyes seemed to gradually form their own set of tears. She buried her face in Lorna's hair while hugging her close to her body. There was no chance in trying to force the tears away; they poured along the flesh of her cheeks in truckloads and she was unable to resist them. Their bodies melded slightly together as they both freely allowed themselves to cry. If the situation wasn't so upsetting, Nicky would have chuckled at what Mrs. Mendoza might have been thinking having two blubbering teenagers in her office.
But once the two calmed down a small amount as Nicky peeped up over Lorna's head, the expression on Gloria's face was contradictory of amused. She stood in her same spot, watching the pair of them with an undistinguishable desolation oozing from her lightly-colored brown eyes. For some unknown reason such acknowledgment brought a small comfort to her. It made her feel more relief to find that she hadn't been the only person to care so strongly for the petite girl who now rested in her arms.
The absence of a response to her desperate cries instantly formed a sharp ache in Lorna's chest. Why wasn't anyone listening to her? Were they hard of hearing or something? An unrelenting need for her mother took control of her; her mind swirled with questioning thoughts. She felt as though she'd been transported to an entirely new matrix. A hand lifted up to rest atop her head, pushing back her hair. She fixed her eyes on the eyes of her girlfriend, squinting them so that she could better decipher what the other was possibly thinking.
"My mom," Lorna repeated, this time her voice tremored from the amount of sniffles that erupted through her esophagus. She cautiously shifted herself just so out of Nicky's arms in order to properly gaze over her head at the counselor. Her eyes all but begged for the woman to acknowledge what she was saying. "Can ya please call my mom? Please? I-I need her. I need her so bad."
Mrs. Mendoza wordlessly motioned her hand back between her desk and the plastic chairs across from it. She swiftly walked behind the desk and resituated herself on the chair and tilted her head slightly at the seats opposite her, hoping the girls would take the hint. When they complied, seconds later, she grabbed Lorna's student file and laid it atop the surface of her desk. She opened it and placed the manila folder horizontally so that she was better able to look through it.
Sitting on the very edge of her seat, Lorna sat straight up as she peered incessantly across at her counselor. Her foot tapped anxiously against the tile floor beneath her. An ache formed between her temples and she involuntarily breathed out an exasperated breath. "Are ya lookin' for her number?" She impatiently inquired, tapping her foot even harder.
"Yes, I'm looking for it," the woman responded, placing a few already searched through pages on the other side of the folder. It took a little bit of going through them before she finally came across the emergency contact form. Her eyes narrowed down through the lens of her glasses, skimming through the page until she stumbled on the name Stansie Morello.
Swiftly, Gloria lifted her head up once more and glanced over at Lorna with inquisitive eyes. "Is your mom's name Stansie?" She waited until receiving a nod in response before going to retrieve the phone from its base on her desk beside the printer. With the contact form in her left hand, her eyes peered down at the number written under the name and she carefully dialed it into the phone.
The phone sounded the dial tone for nearly five minutes before the call was redirected to an automated operator who loudly proclaimed in Mrs. Mendoza's ear that the number had been disconnected. Arched eyebrows sitting atop two very discombobulated eyes, Gloria placed the phone back on its base and looked apprehensively back towards Lorna. "It appears the number is no longer in service."
Shaking her head distastefully, Lorna peered back at her wide-eyed. Her hands were folded on her lap, the scissors still grasped between them and she furiously grit down on her teeth. "That's gotta be a mistake. It has to. That's the only number my mom has and I-I really need her right now. Ya have to call again, please. Maybe ya just mistyped it," she urgently offered. Of course, her mind agreed, of course the only reason the number was disconnected was because of a simple mistype of a number. It made sense. Numbers were easy to confuse and type out wrong.
Gloria gave it one more shot to appease her frantic student and was not surprised when it resulted in the same thing as the previous call. She focused back on Lorna, shaking her head with a melancholic expression melded onto her face. "I typed the number exactly how it's written and got the same message that it's not in service anymore, Lorna. I'm sorry. I can call your sister and see if she has a different number for your mom, how about that?"
Despite the suggestion being a harmless, innocent—even kind—one, Lorna immediately felt her body tense up. That would certainly not turn out well, she mentally acknowledged. Her eyes deterred back to the pair of scissors in her hands. She just wanted to escape out of that damn office with them. Get some release from all of the agony and torment that she felt was eating her alive. Nothing seemed easy to her anymore. She had to jump through hoops more and more. Everything hurt and her body wanted to give the fuck out.
"I don't wanna be here anymore," her voice was barely louder than a whisper. She grasped firmer onto the scissors.
The words may have been too soft for Mrs. Mendoza to hear but they certainly hadn't missed Nicky's ears, who'd been sitting right next to her observing her closely for the last several minutes. Biting the side of her mouth unconsciously, Nicky reached a hand over to place onto Lorna's cheek. She used that to carefully turn her head so that they were on eye level with one another. "What does that mean, kid? Ya don't wanna be in here, right?" Her brown eyes peered fiercely into the younger girl's, desperate to understand what she was hinting at with such a statement. She swallowed uneasily and hoped that she wasn't referring to anything sinister. Anything other than just not wanting to be in the counselor's office right now.
Shifting her head exhaustively around her neck, Lorna grumbled in frustration. Nothing troubled her more than her girlfriend's always seeming to read her like a fucking book. It wasn't that she was pissed at Nicky for having such an incredible ability, it was more that she loathed the fact that she had that ability at all. Because it made her entire façade that much more challenging to keep going—drained her relentlessly, really. In the end, Nicky's skill to read her like a book only made Lorna angry with herself. No matter what, everything was always her own fault somehow. She wanted to give in and open up, which angered her—she wanted to not burden those she loved and cared about and that also angered her. It was a never ending vicious cycle of self-loathing. Everything always came right back to her.
"I don't wanna be here," Lorna repeated herself and this time threw her hands up and moved them in a circle to emphasize what her words meant, "anymore." To her, she knew she wasn't only referring to being in that damn room but the entire planet in general. She wanted to cease to exist if she was being honest with herself. That appeared to her to be the only certain way she'd ever find true peace. However, to avoid being considered a suicidal crazy person, she hoped that the other two interpreted the hand movement as just not wanting to be in the office any longer.
Relief washed over Nicky and she graciously snaked her arms knuckle-paling tightly around the shorter teen's petite waist. With everything that had recently been going on in Lorna's life, suicidal thoughts and possible self-harm were two things that weighed heavily on Nicky's mind lately. At least Lorna wasn't currently thinking about wanting to die, she mentally reassured herself. Still, her arms pulled tighter on the younger girl's body and her lips pecked warmly atop her head.
"Why don't we have Mrs. Mendoza call your sister, yeah doll? Franny might be able to help us get in contact with your mom," the words felt wrong coming from her mouth.
Nicky swallowed down a lump that had nestled into her throat and exhaled a puff of air. She loathed herself for suggesting that when she already knew, full well, that Lorna's mom had passed but supposed it would be a lot less painful on Lorna if she thought that Franny's admittance through a phone call with her counselor was how Nicky found out about it.
It took numerous times of opening and shutting her mouth for Lorna to finally catch her breath again. Her eyes looked frantically around the room, not stopping to glance at either of the other people who sat in there alongside her. Today couldn't be the day where the last straw irrevocably broke her whole story apart. She wasn't ready for that in any capacity of the word—mentally, emotionally, or even physically. Her legs tremored rather visibly against the chair she sat on, which inadvertently caused it to shake as well.
"I mean I don't wanna bother her or nothin'," Lorna waved a hand unconsciously and peered ahead into the older woman's direction. "You or my sista. I just—I don't know why my mom's number doesn't work no more. She didn't even call to tell me she was gonna get a new one. I don't understand. Can I just get the hell outta here already? My whole fucking day is wasted in this stupid office."
Mrs. Mendoza gestured a hand to her in the same way she had done only seconds earlier. "I can promise you that you're definitely not bothering me. I'm gonna give her a call and see what she has to say, yeah? I know you're upset, honey, and it's perfectly okay to be upset. But you need to stay in here right now. I don't want you leaving when you're this upset. Just stay put while I call her."
A few rings occurred before Gloria heard the line pickup. There was a slight hesitation in the other woman's voice as she greeted on the other line, that hadn't surprised the counselor. She, too, would be a bit taken aback if she received a call from an unfamiliar number—especially with all the telemarketers that seemed to be calling those days. "Hello, is this Francine Morello?"
"Erm, yes. Who's this? Oh, is this the court callin' me back about the legal guardianship I just applied for?"
Tilting her head slightly at the query, Mrs. Mendoza took a mental note of that to come back to later with Lorna. She cleared her throat before responding back into the receiver. "Oh, no, this is Mrs. Mendoza—I'm Lorna's counselor at the school. I was just calling to see if you possibly might know whether Mrs. Morello had her phone number changed?"
Franny instantly jumped up from the island stool she was sitting on and walked aimlessly around her kitchen with a hand covering one of her temples. Flesh of her forehead scrunched up to hear what was spoken to her only a few seconds earlier. She shook her head in utter disbelief. Had her sister really been that in denial of their mother's death that she had tried to have her school counselor call their mom? Her mind was unable to fully comprehend any of it, the more she pondered on the topic.
Holding the phone to her ear with one hand, she took a glass out of a cupboard with the other. The glass was brought over to the sink and filled up with cold tap water. She sipped it all the way down before finding the strength within herself to respond to her sister's counselor. "Well, no, I cannot give ya a different phone number for our motha," she pointed out through slightly gritted teeth.
A large breath of air inhaled through her nose. She had to keep herself calm, anger wouldn't solve anything. "Our motha passed away six months ago from cancer. How did the school not know this? I don't understand."
It took a few moments for Gloria to process such information that had just been revealed to her. She shifted her focus from the paper lying out in front of her over towards Lorna, who clearly looked highly apprehensive with how restless her legs were. A small lump was swallowed down through her esophagus. "Oh, god, I'm so sorry to hear that. No, nobody updated Lorna's contact information and Mr. Morello never called in about it—Lorna's not said anything about it, either. That's just awful."
Lorna quickly stiffened at what was being said by the school counselor. The color vastly drained from her face and the rate of her heart-beat rapidly increased. Breathing became near impossible with all the thoughts that ran rampant through her mind as she tried to piece together the conversation that was being had between Franny and Mrs. Mendoza. Whatever the conversation—she knew it was likely going to end in making her life even more fucked up than it had already recently been made. That was her one outlet she had to keep from losing herself completely, she uncomfortably realized.
Letting her hands cradle underneath of her chin, Franny peered out the window that was right above her kitchen sink and exhaled deeply. She should have figured as much—their father was never one to care enough about their schooling to communicate with them over anything, whether it was assignments or important events that were happening in their lives. So, of course, he wouldn't mention Mrs. Morello's death to the school. Franny rolled her eyes with a frustrated shake of her head.
"Our dad's not very good with communication," she stated while turning back towards the rest of the kitchen. The phone was now held to her ear by her shoulder as another sigh escaped her. With the subject of their mother's death and absentminded father, Franny's mind swirled with thoughts of whether it was known to the counselor of Lorna's new living arrangements.
Regardless of whether or not she was aware, Franny made the decision to bring it up. At least that would make her feel as though she was doing something productive for her sister's well-being. "Our dad is also an abusive SOB, which, I'm sure my dear sista has neglected to inform ya of. She probably also hasn't told ya that she's in the foster system, right?"
"I've not heard of any of that until now," was the only proper response Mrs. Mendoza could form in that moment.
There was so much exposed to her all at once that her mind needed more than a minute or two to process everything. Her eyes averted slightly onto the brunette teen in the chair across from her desk, observing her intensely. It was a challenge trying to decipher how she felt. All she clearly took notice of was the alarming paleness of her face. "All right, thanks for helping me figure this phone number situation out. I'll let ya go back to your day—"
"Wait," Franny hurriedly interjected. "Look, Lorna's stuck living at some foster family's place so can ya please keep me updated on how my sista is doing? I worry about her and I don't how the hell long she's gonna be living there. Or if that family even gives a shit about what's going on with her."
"I will do my best to try and do that for you. And I'll see about getting in contact with this foster family of hers, no one has informed me of any of that yet. Usually, the social worker from CPS will reach out to me for students that have been put in the system. But if they don't, I'll find a way to get it taken care of," Gloria firmly assured the younger woman on the other line before the both of them mutually hung up the call.
After replacing the phone on its base, the Hispanic woman situated herself in a position where her eyes were peering directly onto Lorna's. Both concern and sympathy oozed from her light brown eyes. No wonder the poor girl hadn't been doing so well in her classes, she thought. How could any student focus on their studies when dealing with the death of one of their parents? Now it all appeared to make sense to her. She sighed and her heart constricted a slight amount.
The atmosphere suddenly felt much tenser than even only a second ago. Lorna apprehensively returned the gaze Mrs. Mendoza had been giving her, watching her face quite closely. Her eyes easily made out the pitying stare, the concern and melancholic aura that came along with it and felt her stomach churn uneasily. There was an overwhelming intensity with it that quickly caused Lorna to shift her eyes away from her and onto a random painting framed on the wall to the right of the desk.
Nicky felt the change in the air, as well, and instinctively wrapped an arm protectively around the brunette's shoulder. She swallowed the saliva that formed in her mouth and pressed a comforting kiss atop her girlfriend's head. When her eyes peered over it, onto Mrs. Mendoza, she effortlessly perceived the compassion that trickled from her eyes. The sight had her realize that the counselor must have now been aware of what all Lorna had been struggling through for the last several months. It relieved her highly to acknowledge that because that meant they could finally properly get her to open up about it all. Or at least she hoped they would be able to accomplish that.
Silence had dawned on the three of them for quite a length of time before anyone said anything. Gloria cleared her throat, uncomfortable with the long period of quiet that fell upon them. She was hoping for that silence to have given her enough time to think of what to say but she sat there, staring between the teens with a mind that only drew a blank. "Well, I talked with your sister," Mrs. Mendoza cautiously started while reaching for her bottle of water from its spot underneath the desk.
"Did she have another number for our mom?" Lorna nearly robotically questioned.
"No, Lorna, she didn't. In fact, she told me the truth about your mom. Do you know what truth I'm talking about?" The older woman answered with an inquiry of her own. It probably wasn't going to receive the response she was hoping for but she knew it was time that Lorna faced the truth. She popped the lid off of her water bottle and took a large sip of it. Her eyes looked over at the petite teen methodically; it was blatant to her how much pain secretly hid behind the dark circles beneath Lorna's eyes.
The brunette gulped uncomfortably at her words. She shifted position of her legs, changing which one crossed the other. Her fingers brushed mechanically over the point tip of the scissors that still lain atop her lap. "Ya mean that my motha's living away for work? Course' I know that. Why didn't Franny give ya another number for her? I don't understand." Throbbing pain shot through one temple of her forehead over to the other. She reached a hand up to rub at it but the throbbing didn't fade in the slightest.
Gloria exhaled sharply. There was a heaping amount of frustration building inside her but she reminded herself that Lorna's stubbornness was all only a coping mechanism. She sighed. Of course, what teenager wanted to admit that a parent who they loved so much was gone and never coming back? It was an understandable reason to not want to confess that she had lost her mother. However, now knowing the truth and that it happened six months ago, the counselor understood if Lorna continued down this path of denial that she would never actually heal from it.
"No, honey, the real truth. Your mom is not living in another state for work. She passed—"
"My mom is living in Texas for her business. She passed through a lotta states, of course. Can ya stop talking about it? I just wanna find her new number so I can call her."
Seeing where the conversation was headed, Nicky hurriedly interjected by cradling her hands lovingly around each of Lorna's pale cheeks and gazing intently into her brown eyes. Regardless of the façade Lorna was trying to hold onto, she easily saw right through it. A thumb she used to stroke tenderly around the flesh of her face. "Babe, that's not true. Everyone in this room knows that it's not," her voice softly spoke out, eyes peering softly into her girlfriend's.
Lorna's eyes momentarily widened as they looked up at the redhead. Mrs. Mendoza hadn't even gotten the full sentence out, she observed, and yet Nicky's comment implied that she knew of what the counselor was talking about. That didn't add up in Lorna's mind. Her mind that was frantically running with thoughts and questions.
She couldn't handle it anymore and violently pushed herself out of Nicky's arms and off of the chair, running out through the door of the office and down the hallway. With no particular destination in mind, Lorna ran in direction of the school entrance—knowing the only place she could truly be right now was outside of that constrictive building. However, right as she was approaching that very spot, her body collided with another one. Her eyes squinted shut upon contact. Please, her mind pleaded, please don't let that person be Annalisa. Another encounter with her was something she could do without, especially right now in her panicked state of mind.
"Oh, Lorna, I'm so sorry."
Immediately, upon hearing Red's thick Russian accent speaking to her, Lorna felt a huge sense of relief. She quickly forced herself up from the floor and turned to stare at the middle-aged school nurse with an empty smile. Her shoulders recoiled into a shrug. "No big deal, I wasn't really paying attention. It's my fault," she commented, shifting her eyes downward on her feet that stood anxiously atop the tiled floor.
Red stood across from her, arms now folded across her chest, and peered through her glasses rather sharply over the clearly disheveled brunette. It certainly hadn't taken a doctor to see that there was something not so right with the young girl. She shook her head and, without even a word, took hold of Lorna's hand—using it to lead her back down to her office. Once they made it inside, she gestured her hand towards one of the beds. Her eyes watched closely to make sure she followed the direction.
After making sure Lorna was situated on one of the two beds, Red went to grab a thermometer from one of the drawers in the cabinets behind her desk. She took it with her back over to where the brunette now lain, sitting down in the chair that separated the two beds, and placed the object carefully in Lorna's mouth. A few moments went by before she removed it and looked down to read the numbers. She nodded intuitively.
"Well, you don't have a fever at least," Nurse Reznikov gently informed the young teen. Her eyes lingered on her, trying to decipher the expression on her face. "Where were you running off to, honey? Are you okay? Nicky told me what happened the other day with your dad. You wanna talk about it?" She combed her fingers soothingly through Lorna's thick brown waves, peering down at her in compassion.
A thick coating of saliva formed in the brunette's mouth. Just what she needed, she frustratedly thought, another person prying into her personal matters. She forced herself into a sitting position and shook her head violently towards the older woman. Why, all of a sudden, had everyone taken an interest in her? She didn't want any of it. She wanted everything to go back to the way it was before. Because this was only suffocating to her.
"I want to get out of this stupid school. Why did ya make me come down here? I'm fine, Red, I'm really fine."
Red folded her arms over her chest, narrowing her eyes on the younger girl. "Fine, huh? You don't think I actually believe that, do you?"
The franticness in Lorna's voice easily convinced Mrs. Reznikov of the complete opposite. There was nothing about the young brunette that showed she was fine as she so claimed to be. Red sighed, unfolding her arms once more, and placed a hand onto the brunette's cheek. She used the palm of it to caress comfortingly around its flesh. "You don't look fine to me, sweetheart, and you know what? It's okay to not be fine all the time. Heck, it's normal to not be fine all the time."
Swallowing the wad of saliva, Lorna shook her head resistively. She didn't care if it was okay or normal to not be fine all the time because she was fine. Nobody could convince her of otherwise. There was no such thing for Lorna to be not fine. No, no, of course not. Lorna was always fine—she had to be. She reached a hand up to claw at her forehead. Anger seized through her veins. She stood up from the bed and started briskly walking back towards the door.
Rather swiftly Mrs. Reznikov came up behind her and placed a gentle hand onto her shoulder. "Lorna, I know you don't want to be here at school but you're not allowed to just leave when you want. Now, come lay back down. You're paler than the walls in here, honey. You need to rest. Come on," her voice softly encouraged, hand patting the shoulder it covered comfortingly.
Lorna shook her head. She squeezed her hands together, realizing the scissors were still grasped between them, and a rush of relief fell over her. Her eyes shifted onto the bathroom sign that was slightly to the right of the nurses' small office and decided to play along. At least if she was able to get inside the bathroom, she'd have a moment alone with those scissors. She sighed and bit down on her lip. "Can I use the restroom first, please?"
Staring her over thoroughly, Red grew rather suspicious of the sudden change in her demeanor. She narrowed in on Lorna's hands, it was obvious to her there was something inside them and that made her even more distrustful of her bathroom request. Her eyes squinted piercingly at the brunette. "What's in your hands, Lorna? Show me what you're holding before you go in there," Red sternly commanded.
"Nothing. I ain't got nothin' in my hands. Please just let me go to the bathroom, I gotta go bad," Lorna frantically pleaded, tightening her grip on the sharp object. She wasn't about to have them snatched away from her. It was the one thing that had the possibility of bringing her any sort of release from the pain that appeared to be swallowing her whole.
Red walked slightly closer, removing her hands from Lorna's shoulders and cautiously placing them over her hands. "I can see something poking out. Open your hands so I can see what it is."
Backing away, the younger girl shook her head furiously. Anger melded into fury. The longer she stood there the more intense the fury raised. She couldn't catch a damn break lately, the thought angrily whirled through her mind. "No, I'm not holding anything. Why do ya care about it so much anyway? I needa use the bathroom."
"You can use the bathroom when you show me what you're holding. I'm not dumb. You're not fooling me, honey. I care because I don't want you taking something in there with you that could be an item you could use to hurt yourself with. Now, you can either tell me what it is or I will find out on my own when I open your hands myself."
Out of exasperation and the blatant fact that Mrs. Reznikov had it figured out, Lorna took her chances and decided to stick the point tips of the scissors through the skin of her wrist right there and then. She didn't do it out of spite for Red but rather to finally allow some of the unrelenting rage to release itself from her body. It mattered not at all to Lorna that she had cut herself in plain sight of an adult in her public high school. She couldn't care less that the other had seen her do it. All she wanted was the sensation of that sharp knife-like tip cutting into her flesh.
The scissors dropped to the ground quickly after Lorna finished the cut through her wrist and Red immediately retrieved them so that the teen couldn't reach for them again. She held a finger up at the brunette, wordlessly informing her to stay put while she went to place the scissors in a locked up cabinet. When she returned, seconds after the fact, she gestured for Lorna to follow her back over to where the beds were located.
"Lay back down, Lorna, please," she nearly begged. Emotions fought to escape her but she swallowed them down and felt somewhat relieved to see the brunette comply with her request.
Cupping a hand maternally around one of Lorna's cheeks, she gazed down at her with an overpowering tenderness. "When was the last time you got a good night's sleep? You have such thick dark circles under your eyes, sweetheart. You're exhausted, aren't you? It's okay to admit that. You've been dealing with so much for a young girl, it's not fair what you've had to put up with."
"Nicky," Lorna's voice cracked from the amount of sobs that had unexpectedly began shaking through her body. She hadn't realized she was crying until she heard the cracking of her own voice.
Mrs. Reznikov gave a small nod, brushing her knuckles gently up and down Lorna's cheek. "I'll call Nicky down here for you, don't worry. You just close your eyes and sleep for a while, okay? You don't need to stress about missing any classes, honey, I'll make sure your teachers know where you are," she gently reassured the distraught teen.
Red got up from the chair to retrieve a blanket from the cupboard against the wall, carrying it back with her to carefully wrap around Lorna's faintly tremoring body. Her heart broke at the sight; she quickly reclaimed her spot in the chair and let her hand cradle softly around the other's face. "You don't need to shake, everything's okay. You're gonna be okay, Lorna. I'm gonna go call for Nicky and then I'll be right back to sit with you. Relax, sweetheart," Mrs. Reznikov softly hushed, combing her fingers delicately through brown waves of hair.
Relax was certainly not a part of Lorna's vocabulary in any sense of the term. Her body convulsed subtly beneath the blanket that covered around it. The room wasn't particularly cold or anything of that nature, however, her body appeared to have a mind of its own. She swallowed uneasily, letting her eyes peer straight ahead into the abyss. Nothing felt real anymore; her life had been yanked right from underneath her and she was thrown directly to the wolves. That was the sensation she could acquaint it to, anyway.
She watched meticulously as the nurse hurriedly made her way into the small room along the right of the door that opened up to the entire office. The second Red was in there, sitting down in her chair, she grabbed the corded phone from its place on the base and—what Lorna presumed—dialed a number that would reach to wherever Nicky was. With the middle-aged woman being preoccupied in her task, Lorna deterred her eyes away and focused them up on the ceiling.
There were numerous yellow-tinted stains among some of the tiles, her eyes simply noticed. Obvious signs of past water damage. She mentally busied herself with counting each stained tile she was able to observe above her head. It didn't take long for such an action to cause her eyes to feel an increasing heaviness come over them. She squinted them so she could keep counting but the sensation only got stronger and rapidly she felt herself succumb to the fatigue that had rather vastly overpowered her entire body.
Muffled voices were the first thing Lorna's ears picked up on immediately upon awakening from her surprisingly restful slumber. The room was slightly blurred as her eyes peeped through barely opened eyelids. She lifted her hands up to them and wiped them until the blurriness faded away. Her throat felt raw and dry each time she swallowed. Pushing herself up into a sitting position, she looked around the room and found both the school nurse and counselor having a hushed conversation in the doorway of the tiny room that contained Mrs. Reznikov's desk. Her eyes averted away from them, landing on Nicky who was sat on a plastic chair while impatiently kicking her feet at the floor.
Hearing the sound of the vinyl mattress squeaking due to the movement of Lorna's body instantly caught Nicky's attention. She jumped up from the chair she'd been occupying and nearly frisked her way to sit down in the seat beside the bed her girlfriend was resting atop of. To know that it was her surrogate mother that bumped into Lorna after she'd run out of Mrs. Mendoza's office came as an overwhelming relief to Nicky. She inhaled a gradual breath while reaching her hands down to frame tenderly around the younger teen's colorless cheeks.
"Did ya have a good nap, doll?" Her voice murmured the question. Nicky softly stroked a thumb along the flesh of the cheek she had cradled in her hands. She gazed tenderly down into Lorna's eyes, taking in every minute detail of her entire facial features. Her heart burst tremendously at the barely noticeable tear marks that stained the brunette's almost translucent cheeks.
The presence of her girlfriend right beside her immediately caused Lorna's head to turn in that direction. Their eyes melded together and she felt her breathing somewhat hitch inside her. Nicky had clearly been crying, as well, she easily observed. Such acknowledgement formed a knot in the pit of her stomach. That was exactly the reason she never wanted anyone to find out about her façade being exactly that—a façade.
Swallowing the dryness away, Lorna reached her hands up to lovingly cover over the ones that grasped onto her face. She caressed her palms around the tops of both of Nicky's hands. "Yeah, I'm shocked to say that mighta been the best sleep I've had in at least the last few days," she honestly replied, continuing the soothing motion around her girlfriend's skin.
Her eyes searched over Nicky very precisely. It pained her chest heavily to note the dejection that trickled from her big brown eyes. The rawness in her mouth only intensified at the sight. Nicky didn't deserve to feel that way, she concluded. "Nicky, I—I uh I understand if you're mad at me for, erm, for not telling you about my mom."
That revelation was enough for the older teen to instantly engulf Lorna in the outright closest, highly protective, embrace as humanly possible. She took the brunette from the bed, onto her lap, and rested her head atop hers. In the grand scheme of things, Nicky was less upset over being retained in the dark from what happened and more-so worried on how the pair were going to move forward as she sat there with Lorna cradled securely in her arms.
Nicky swallowed thickly, swaying her body subtly back and forth. "Mad at you? Baby, no, I'm not mad or upset with you over any of this," she warmly reassured the younger teen, pecking a soft kiss atop her head. One hand cradled behind Lorna's head, holding it in place against her chest, and the other hand she used to stroke soothingly through the dark brown waves that cascaded down along her upper back.
"I just I'm shocked at how much you've been going through since before I even met you," Nicky stated, biting down on the side of her mouth as if trying to grasp a bearing on all of the emotion that seemed to be whirling through her. The hand that was running through Lorna's hair, she moved to her back and caressed her knuckles softly up and down along it. "You've been dealing with so much pain for so long, alone, and that hurts me. That hurts me to know my sweet girlfriend has been grieving and suffering all this time without even an ounce of comfort." Her hand cradled behind Lorna's head and moved it slightly back so that their eyes melded together once more. Nicky leaned closer until their foreheads were brushing together, she took her other hand from Lorna's spine and pressed it delicately on her cheek, "You're not alone anymore. I'm here, now, and I'm helping you through all of this. I love you so, so unbelievably much—I don't want you to hide your pain from me, baby. You don't have to pretend in front of me, ever. Please don't feel like you have to, kid. You don't. I want you to be real with me, all the time, no matter what. I'm not gonna leave you just because ya have emotions and feel pain like the resta us. You're human, Lorna, you're supposed to feel emotions and pain. Please, from now on, please don't pretend with me. You'll always be safe when you're with me, babe, I promise. We're a team now, and that means we both have to be real with each other no matter what it is."
Chapter Text
Chapter Forty-Two
The evening arrived and found Lorna sitting in her foster family's living—rather sitting—room with a cup of tea that had been given to her by one of the paid chefs. Another fact that added to Lorna's uneasiness in that house. It made her feel extremely out of place to be living with such a wealthy family. She wasn't accustomed to having people seemingly waiting on her hand and foot. She also wasn't sure she liked that. It didn't feel right to allow random people to do things for her that she knew she could easily do for herself. Guilt was quick to rise within her, however, she was interrupted from her thoughts by the sound of the doorbell going off.
Uncomfortable with the idea of getting up to answer it when she was only a foster child, Lorna remained on the sofa with her eyes intently on the door. She waited several moments for one of the Chapmans to show up and open the door but no one did. And with the failure of no one responding to the person's commotion on the other side of that door, the bell sounded through the house a second time followed by persistent knocking. Lorna shifted unnervingly on the sofa, hoping someone would come to open it but again no one had complied.
Lorna begrudgingly made herself get up from the couch, placing her teacup on a coaster atop the maple end-table beside it, and skeptically walked over to the front door to open it. When she did, she came face-to-face with the CPS worker from the previous afternoon and felt a puff of air erupt from her lungs. Panic quickly set in to see that woman standing in front of her yet again. She backed several feet away, watching precisely as Miss Figueroa entered inside.
Miss Figueroa took her shoes off, after shutting the door behind her, knowing Mrs. Chapman wasn't fond of guests walking about her house with—as she called it—filthy shoes clanging against the beautiful wood. She peered around the room to see if either of the parents were around and was vaguely taken aback to acknowledge that neither were. Her brown eyes looked back on Lorna, she pursed her lips into a tight smile. Teenagers were a breed she hadn't understood much of, not even when she was one herself many decades earlier.
"Where's Mr. and Mrs. Chapman?" The query came out in a rather monotone voice.
Something about the older woman formed goosebumps on Lorna's arms. She appeared almost more superficial than the family she was staying with. Lorna shrugged her shoulders and went back to sit on the sofa, repossessing her cup of tea tightly in her hands. She lifted it to her mouth, sipping it multiple times in mere slow motion. "I haven't seen them since I got back from school. Why are you here? Are ya here to take me to another pointless family that doesn't really want me?"
The CPS worker turned her head to look at a painting on the wall, taking that time to also roll her eyes so that the teen girl wasn't able to see it. At least kids in grade-school or younger didn't have such copious attitudes, she thought. "I'm here to speak with Mr. and Mrs. Chapman about your school, have them fill out some paperwork. I'll have you know they're both very happy to welcome an ill-fated child such as yourself into their home. Maybe you should try being more grateful for that, huh?"
"Grateful? For this? I have a sista who was ready to let me live with her and you snatched me away against my will to live with some random family that will never care about me as much as my sista does. Why should I be grateful for that?" Lorna finished off her tea, slamming it rather loudly onto the coaster, and furiously stomped her way up the mahogany staircase to her room—or the guestroom that the Chapmans were so kindly allowing her to occupy.
With the door of the guestroom locked shut, Lorna sat on the cushioned stool in front of the mirrored dresser that doubled as a make-up vanity and peered irritatingly ahead at her reflection. Her mind hyper fixated on the words of Miss Figueroa while her eyes studied her features from the mirror right anterior to her. An ill-fated child? She felt her eyebrows arch up at the echoing of the comment. What the hell did that mean? Was she just naturally doomed to a life of mediocracy or below? Her hands slammed against the surface of the dresser. She shook her head profusely, reaching into the pocket of her jeans for her phone.
Popping the top of it open with her thumb, Lorna scrolled through until her eyes fell upon Nicky's name in her contact list. Maybe talking to Nicky would distract her from her mind for a while. She needed a distraction. Her mind appeared to be consuming her whole and she wasn't in the mood to be upset or full of rage. She wanted Nicky. Nicky always provided her with a calming effect. A sigh escaped her at the realization—she didn't want to make Nicky feel burdened by that, though. Nicky deserved so much more than what she had to offer. Another breath of air made its way through her esophagus when she became aware of her mind trying to twist her words and confuse her as it so often had.
Lorna ignored her contradicting thoughts and let her thumb mechanically click over her girlfriend's name. She waited through the rings, working her hardest to not allow her mind to wander too much. All the thoughts were seemingly exhausting to her. A break from them was something she highly craved. The line picked up just seconds later and relief washed over her. "Hi, Nicky," she gently greeted once she heard her voice speak out on the other end.
"Hey, doll. How are ya feelin'?" Nicky warmly asked, moving from the living room—where she had sat watching the television with Red—to the kitchen to get more privacy. She held the phone up against her ear using one shoulder while fixing herself a cup of coffee with the coffee that had previously been brewed and still sitting in the pot.
"I-I don't know. I just I need something to distract myself right now, hon. What are you doing?"
Pouring the dark liquid into her mug she'd retrieved from the strainer in the sink, Nicky immediately felt her eyes glaze over. She held the cup by the handle and went to sit down at the circular table. "Are you okay, baby? What do ya need a distraction from? What's the matter? I'm just having some coffee. Do ya wanna come over? I can pick you up, babe."
"Coffee," Lorna repeated. She sighed. Coffee would fix things, she reasoned with herself. Coffee always fixed whatever was bothering her or maybe it was only the placebo effect. "I'm okay, hon. I just want to get away from the Chapmans. They're nice but really—they're wealthy and it makes me feel weird to be here. I need a distraction from this house. Coffee would be a great distraction, especially with you. But I don't wanna make you drive all the way out here. I can walk to town and meet ya there, it'll be less of a hassle for ya, hon."
A large sip of coffee was taken by Nicky before she responded. Her eyes yearned to roll all the way to the back of her head at Lorna's suggestion of walking. However, the gesture was made out of love and concern for her own well-being which, of course, warmed Nicky's heart rather fiercely. "Lorna, you know how I feel about you walking the streets when it's dark out. It isn't safe, doll. I appreciate your sweetness, I do, but it's not a big deal for me to just drive to get ya. Just tell me the address, yeah?" Nicky shook her head at how stubborn her girlfriend was, yet, sighed at how much more endearing that made the younger teen.
The brunette mirrored Nicky's sigh and decided it was not worth arguing over even though she knew it also wasn't fair for Nicky to have to make the drive over all the time. Instead, she stood up from the stool and rummaged through her suitcase—that still remained packed—for a thicker coat to wear over her clothes. "Fine, hon, I'll give ya the address. But at least can I buy ya a coffee or something? You're always being so sweet to me and I wanna do something sweet for you for once, okay?"
"Sure, kid," Nicky chuckled lovingly while getting up from her chair to grab her car keys and satchel from her bedroom. She walked back through the living room, after retrieving the items she needed, and let Red know where she was headed before going out the front door to get in her vehicle. "We'll stop at the coffee shop on our way back to my place, yeah? And I promise I'll let ya pay, doll."
A half hour later had the two teens sitting in Nicky's car as she drove through the neighborhood to get them back onto the freeway. The blaring music had been turned down several notches the second her girlfriend got into the passenger seat next to her. Her eyes slightly shifted to peer over at the petite brunette, a smile easily spreading across her cheeks. Having Lorna with her constantly had the unrelenting ability to turn her into a huge pile of mush. She innately reached a free hand over to cover atop the smaller girl's.
"Nicky?" Lorna was the first to break the silence since the pair had been occupying the vehicle together.
Caressing her palm delicately up and down the flesh of the top of Lorna's hand, Nicky turned her head slightly—upon stopping at a redlight—to peer compassionately into the other's eyes. "Yeah, babe?" She searched over the younger girl's face quite meticulously, hoping to decipher exactly what she might be feeling. The hand that was held around Lorna's, she moved it up to frame around one of her cheeks instead.
Her breathing constricted a bit at the soothing sensation. Lorna squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and longed for an off button for her incessant mind. The mind that refused to allow her to enjoy any moment without opposing thoughts whirling their way in to convince her that what she truly wanted was something she would never be worthy of. A sigh escaped through her windpipe. She reached one of her hands up to place onto Nicky's and stroked it softly.
"I just want to make sure ya know how much I love you. I mean it, hon. I love you more than anything."
Nicky's heart swelled beneath her chest. If only they were already parked in front of the coffee shop so she could properly pull Lorna to her for a maddened kiss. She sighed and settled for a soft peck over the knuckles of Lorna's hand. "I know, Lorna, I love you right back. Just as much. You're making my heart melt and I can't even kiss you right now," a light-hearted, warm, chuckle escaped from her throat. She placed the hand that belonged to her girlfriend onto her chest and held it there for the remainder of the drive.
When she pulled into a parking spot, only ten minutes after the fact, she turned the key in the ignition and pulled it out to place in the front zipper of her satchel. Her eyes averted over onto Lorna, growing slightly serious as they looked her over carefully. "A lotta shit happened today, doll, so it's okay if you're not okay. You know ya don't have to fake it in front of me. You're allowed to let me comfort you, baby. I just want you to know that and let it ingrain in your brain, yeah?"
Sucking in her bottom lip, Lorna felt her eyes slightly moisten with tears. Tears, not particularly of sadness, but rather of a strong sense of affection for the redhead sitting beside her. She felt her chest constrict a small amount while lifting her hands to cradle lovingly around Nicky's cheeks. Her brown eyes peered softly into her girlfriend's brown ones. A lump was swallowed down to her throat. She ran the tips of her fingers delicately around the flesh of her face.
Nothing meant more to Lorna than having someone as sweet and compassionate as Nicky for her girlfriend. A contented sigh pushed its way through her windpipe. She didn't believe she deserved the volume of love that Nicky never failed to show her, however, that hadn't negated the fact that she was beyond appreciative of all that her girlfriend was willing to do for her. "I know, hon. Thank you. But is it okay if we not talk about any a that for right now? I just wanna be with you and have a coffee," she softly murmured, continuing the tender motion around Nicky's cheek.
Nicky gave a small nod in response. Her hands wiped tenderly around the skin beneath the brunette's eyes, pushing away the tears. As the pair stared directly into one another, she felt her heart ache deeply—the words that came from the younger one's mouth gave her a faint amount of hope. They implied that Lorna—on some level—was admitting the events indeed had taken place. And, to Nicky, that was certainly a step in the right direction.
"Sure, kid. We can talk about all of that later if ya want," she commented, letting her face inch closer to Lorna's just enough so that their lips brushed together in a warm kiss. The two stayed in that same position for several seconds before Nicky finally decided to pull away. She flashed a soft smile to her girlfriend, patting her cheeks, and quickly unfastened herself from the seat.
Lorna followed suit, undoing her seatbelt before exiting the vehicle to walk behind the taller teen in direction of the coffee shop. The bell above the door rang while they entered inside of the quaint building. Instantly, both of their noses filled with the strong aroma of the very bold beverage with cinnamons and nutmegs mixed in here and there. They made their way up to the counter and Lorna was highly grateful to see her older sister standing on the other side of it.
"Hi, Fran, can Nicky and I get a plain coffee and Cinnamon Toast Crunch latte please?"
The second her eyes landed on Lorna, an intense bout of relief came washing over Franny. A small smile molded onto her face as her head intuitively nodded. "Ya sure can, Lorn," she stated, going over to start preparing their order. Her eyes peered back over to look methodically over the younger brunette's entire figure. "Is the foster family being good to ya, hon?"
While their beverages were being made, Lorna placed her handbag atop the counter so it would be easier for her to rummage through it for the cash she had thrown in there before she was whisked away from her father's house. Once her hands grasped onto the paper items, she removed them from her purse and laid it out on the counter. "They're not mean or nothin'. Just kinda snooty, the woman is anyway."
With the plain coffee quickly poured into a to-go cup, Franny handed it across the counter to Nicky. A lump was swallowed when she noticed the slight scowl on Nicky's face as she gave her the cup. It was clear to her that the young teen still wasn't too happy with her over the whole abusive father situation, she mentally acknowledged. She couldn't entirely blame her for feeling the way she did—if she were in Nicky's shoes, without knowing all the details, she'd most definitely feel the same amount of disdain.
She hurriedly grabbed another traveler's cup and got to work on making her sister's specialty latte. It took only a few minutes before Franny was carrying it back over to reach across the counter to hand it to Lorna. "Good, I'm glad they're not mean to ya. I applied for guardianship of you so hopefully ya won't be stuck with them for too much longer," she informed the younger girl.
Pleasantly retrieving her highly sought after cup of coffee, Lorna eagerly took a sip of it once her hands were cradled around the hot object. The second the sweet taste of cinnamon hit her tastebuds she closed her eyes while a content smile formed from her lips. She peered over her cup at Franny and instinctively felt her heart metaphorically double in size. To say she was grateful for having a deeply caring older sister would be an understatement. There weren't proper words to describe what she felt towards Franny for being so willing to take her in in order to avoid having her stay in the foster system for too long.
The sisters shared a momentary smile before Lorna turned to her girlfriend and the pair of them went over to sit at one of the tables. Nicky, as per usual, gravitated towards the table near the window that she always occupied when stopping by the dainty coffee house. The younger teen situated herself in the chair opposite Nicky and—after having a long sip of her latte—placed the cup on the surface in front of her.
Lorna stared intently over at her girlfriend, allowing her eyes to study every inch of her face in a rather precise manner. A breath of air expelled from her lungs to see such a distasteful expression oozing from Nicky's eyes. She reached a hand across the table to delicately cup around one of the other girl's cheeks, letting the tips of her fingers to caress softly around its flesh. Though a slight tightness melded into her chest, she ignored it and held her stare on her girlfriend. She understood why the faded frown sat on her face—it made sense that Nicky would still be a bit taken aback around Franny. Nicky didn't know that the only reason Franny never went to the authorities was because of Mr. Morello's extremely threatening demeanor.
Sensing the eyes of her girlfriend on her, Nicky looked up from her hot beverage to return her gaze. To see the intensity of affection that spilled from Lorna's face only caused the frown that was on her own to gradually dissipate. A deep sigh escaped from her larynx and she mirrored the younger teen's movements by lifting her hand and placing it over one of her cheeks. Her thumb stroked lovingly around it.
"Thanks for the coffee, doll. It really hits the spot," Nicky broke the silence, a heartfelt smile spread across her face.
Returning the smile, Lorna delicately folded a strand of red hair behind her girlfriend's ear. It was a breath of fresh air to be able to just sit in her favorite coffee shop with her favorite person and enjoy a casual conversation instead of worrying about the events of the past few days. "You don't gotta thank me, hon. It's the least I could do for ya. You're always here for me and giving me so much love and I just wanna return that," was her truthful response. After all that Nicky's done for her in the short span of time that they've been together, the least Lorna could do was treat her to a coffee.
Once again Nicky felt her heart bursting from the warm comment that slipped from the younger girl's mouth. It made her yearn to take her back to her place and cuddle her all night in her bed, however, she refrained herself from making that move—after all Lorna did spend her money on those coffees, they might as well wait until they're finished with them. So, instead, Nicky settled on taking her other hand and cupping it around Lorna's other cheek. She gradually moved her face closer to hers until their foreheads were neatly pressed together and their lips naturally glided against one another's into a passionate kiss.
Thoughts absent from her mind, Lorna only acted on impulse and deepened the kiss significantly while moving one of her hands to rest against the back of Nicky's head. Her eyes shut as she immersed herself in the sweet, heated, sensation between their mouths. Nothing could compare to that, she believed. It was a magical, mystical, touching of their lips that proved to be something that was a challenge to explain to those who did not understand it. Something that she certainly would never get sick of taking part in.
"I'd ask ya if ya wanna spend the night at the Chapmans' house with me but I don't know what they would say to that—Mrs. Chapman, especially, gives me the creeps. I mean not in a she's gross way but like she's real fake."
Though the kiss had, unfortunately, ended, Nicky kept their foreheads resting over each other. She watched with attentive eyes as Lorna's dark eyebrows curved up when she spoke. Her thumb rested on the flesh beneath her eyebrow, slowly caressing around it. "Nah, you'll spend the night at my place, kid. We can cuddle up in my bed and you can tell me all about these Chapman folks, yeah? I'm interested to hear what stories ya already have on em'," a warm chuckle escaped from her windpipe. She grabbed her cup of coffee and sipped it fervently.
"Yeah, I like that idea better," Lorna nodded intuitively while flashing Nicky a soft smile. She copied her actions, reaching for her latte and sipping it savoringly. A very tiny wink was given to the girl who sat opposite her. "Maybe we can also, possibly, take part in some promiscuous activities while we're—ya know—cuddling in your bed."
"Promiscuous activities, huh?" The redhead questioned with a playful smirk melding onto her face. That certainly wasn't something she had been expecting Lorna to come out and say right then—especially in a public place. However, it warmed her heart, nonetheless. She moved her thumb up to her forehead, lovingly brushing a strand of hair out of the way. "Hmm, I think that could be worked into it. Very bold of ya to suggest that, kid. I like it." Another strand of Lorna's brown hair fell over her forehead and again, Nicky brushed it softly away with her thumb.
Lorna sipped her latte rather quickly, itching to get out of there and back to Nicky and Nurse Reznikov's house so that the pair of them could get comfortable and cuddled up on her bed. There was nothing she craved for more, in that moment, than to be in close proximity with the girl her heart yearned so strongly for. To lay in Nicky's bed, the both of them wrapped in each other's arms talking into the wee hours of the night—maybe doing other things as well between conversations. A dreamy sigh escaped her at such thought. Nothing felt more right than what the two of them had together.
"I mean I can be bold when I wanna," the brunette nonchalantly threw out, casually waving a hand in the air.
Nicky chuckled, finishing off her coffee and cradling her hand around her girlfriend's cheek. She leaned closer, stroking her lips once more over Lorna's—this time much slower and softer. When she released the kiss, her lips curled into a meaningful smile and she rubbed the palm of her hand lovingly along the cheek that it rested against. "You sure can, doll. And I love ya for that. I love ya for a lot of things, really. We'll head out after you finish your coffee but please don't rush yourself. It's early, we have all evening to spend together in my bed."
It hadn't been much longer than an hour later that the two teens were walking through the front door of Nurse Reznikov's house. As they entered inside, Mrs. Reznikov—who'd sat upon her favored arm chair with a cup of tea cradled in her hands—looked up from the book she'd been reading and smiled kindly at the pair of them. "Hi girls, where'd you decide to venture off to? The weather's finally starting to warm up, yes?"
The girlfriends simultaneously nodded in response to Red's query. Smiles took up form on both of their faces. Though the start of the day hadn't been the most optimistic, after a lovely stop at the local coffee shop, both were certain that the day could be ended on a rather pleasant note. Straying away from the dismal topics for an evening wouldn't change anything in the long run, so, there was a mutual agreement between the two teens to not bring any of it up.
"We stopped at that coffee shop in town—Lorna, here, was sweet enough to pay for both of our coffees," Nicky was the one to respond out of the pair of them. Her eyes shifted onto Lorna and she couldn't resist the smile from widening on her face. Nobody had the capability of making her heart flutter and melt the way her brunette girlfriend had. She cupped a hand instinctively around one of Lorna's porcelain cheeks.
Red narrowed her glasses a smidge, eyeing the two closely. After taking a couple of sips from her cup, she set it on a coaster on the end table beside her chair and let out a light-hearted chuckle. It wasn't much of a shock to hear that's where the pair of them had spent the past couple of hours at. "Why am I not surprised? I think the both a you have a coffee problem," the Russian matron pointed out with another warm chuckle. She definitely knew Nicky had one with all the cups of coffee she'd seen her consume in the almost two months that she's lived there with her.
The redhead teen peered back at her surrogate mother with both of her eyebrows curved upwards. She shook her head, pointing her hand at the cup of tea that sat on the end-table next to the armchair. "Yeah? I think you have a tea problem, ma. I swear I always see ya with a cup of it," her husky voice jokingly sputtered out with a chuckle of her own mixing in with it.
"I'll have you know I drink non-caffeinated tea, my Nicky, so therefore my tea problem isn't real." The middle-aged woman lifted a hand and waved it at her surrogate daughter.
"Okay, ma, whatever ya say," Nicky commented in response. Another light-hearted chuckle escaped from her larynx. "Me and Lorna are gonna go chill in my room now," she informed the school nurse while wrapping an arm naturally around the shorter teen's shoulder and gradually leading her to the archway that led to the hallway.
Before the two could fully leave the room, Red held out a hand to halt them. Her eyes narrowed from behind the lenses that covered atop them as they peered sternly at the pair of them. "As long as your foster family knows you're here, yes Lorna? I just wanna make sure because I don't want any weird knocks on my front door in the middle of the night."
Lorna quickly nodded her reply to the older woman—who mirrored her nod—and then she and Nicky proceeded to walk down the hallway into her bedroom.
With the two youngsters retreating from the living room, Mrs. Reznikov shook her head with a small chuckle. It was highly apparent to her that the pair of them were deeply—head-over-heels—in love with one another and, honestly, she couldn't say she was entirely surprised to discover that. She suspected for quite a while that Nicky was developing feelings for Lorna, just with how openly affectionate and protective she was of her. Though, neither had mentioned anything to her yet, her heart swelled pleasantly to know they had each other.
Once the teens were in Nicky's room—the door shut and locked behind them—the older of the two was the first to rummage through her dresser for a couple of pairs of pajamas. One was kept for herself and the spare one was gently handed over to Lorna. Nicky quickly undressed from her day clothes, replacing them with the t-shirt and gym shorts she had picked out. Dressing in front of others wasn't too big of a deal for her—it was something she'd done since grade-school. She grabbed her clothes from the floor and threw them in her laundry basket.
Brown eyes averted over onto Lorna, who stood frozen on the other side of the room with the pajamas gripped tightly in her hands. The apprehension that spilled from her face instantly caused Nicky to grow worried. "You really don't like changing in front of people, do ya kid?" She warmly inquired, walking over to her and placing a hand atop her cheek.
"I just—it's not something I enjoy doing. But I mean I know you're my girlfriend and we're planning on maybe doing promiscuous things together tonight so I guess it's dumb a me to be too chicken to change in fronta ya, huh?" Lorna's words fumbled together from how fast she was talking. Inadvertently, several nervous laughs accompanied. Her cheeks turned a rather bright shade of pink and felt as though they were on fire from the volume of heat that was coming off of them.
The words that spewed out so hurriedly from her girlfriend's mouth only strengthened the worry looming over Nicky. She stroked the tips of her fingers softly around the pale skin of her cheek. "Doll, I don't want you to do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. I mean we can be promiscuous while still fully clothed in our pajamas, yeah?" A warm chuckle escaped her while she tenderly tucked a strand of her brown hair behind her ear.
Chapter 44
Notes:
I honestly had the absolute hardest time writing this chapter. I've been sick with Covid the past week and I think that's the reason as to why this chapter was such a struggle for me to complete. A lot of frustration, tears, and work went into this one...yet, I feel like this chapter just turned out to be utter trash. I'm so sorry for anyone who has a hard time reading this, hopefully the brain fog from Covid goes away soon so I can revise the writing of this chapter in the very near future. Anyway, thank you to everyone who is still reading this story. It means so much to me. Please forgive me for the poor writing in this chapter. I'm sorry.
Chapter Text
Chapter Forty-Three
Lorna slowly nodded, momentarily shutting her eyes in content from the soothing sensation Nicky's gesture provided her with. When she reopened them, she pursed a smile to her lips and slightly moved back from the taller girl. A hand was lifted and she waved it over towards the window that was all the way across the room from where she was now standing. "Can ya go over and turn around please? I'll just change right here but I don't wanna be watched, hon. I'm sorry—It's not that I don't trust ya, I'm just, not ready for that," her voice hesitated somewhat between words.
Eyes softening while gazing ahead at the brunette, Nicky cupped a cheek of hers and gave a quick, yet, soft kiss onto her lips. Obviously, there still appeared to be some secrets that Lorna was holding back from her and, though not tonight, Nicky vowed she would get to the bottom of whatever those were. For now, she planted a kind smile on her face and released her hold on the girl. "Course' I will, doll. Don't apologize over it—it's okay to be honest with me about these sorta things. I want you to be comfortable and not feel like ya have to do anything just to please me."
Hearing the other's footsteps moving over towards the spot that she had directed her to only minutes earlier, Lorna breathed out in relief. Then she scrunched up her nose when she realized she was feeling relief from having her girlfriend's back turned to her and that was soon replaced with a powerful sensation of guilt. She sighed in frustration of herself. It was normal for girlfriends to get dressed in front of each other—she certainly had to be a feeble little child to be so skittish at just the thought of it.
However, as she took off her shirt and caught sight of her stomach, she remembered the true reason she wasn't fond of having Nicky watch her change. Not because she was a prude, but because of the sheer volume of fat that settled around her abdomen and gut. No one needed to be exposed to that kind of monstrosity, her mind menacingly informed her. Her lower lip sucked in underneath her top one while her hand reached down to examine the skin. The majority of it felt rather flabby and sickly. She shook her head fiercely and violently threw on the pajama shirt that Nicky handed to her.
The same type of behavior she exhibited when undressing her bottom half. Meticulously allowing her eyes to examine every inch of her thighs, easily finding all of the flaws as her fingers ran along its flesh and felt all of the fat and flabbiness surrounding them. It was sickening to her to see how huge she'd gotten. With a sigh, Lorna hurriedly picked up the pajama bottoms from the ground and pulled them roughly over her legs. She didn't know if she'd ever be able to let poor Nicky see her body. That wasn't something she wanted to subject her to—it would surely give her never-ending nightmares.
Uncomfortable at the long bout of silence, Nicky cleared her throat loudly and leaned nearer her dresser to tap her nails against the top of it. "You all good, kid? You've been real quiet and it's been about five minutes now," there was a slight nervousness that blended into her voice as she uttered her concerns.
"Yeah, s'all good," was Lorna's curt response once she'd finally been fully clothed in the pajamas. The tone in her voice instantly caused her to regret speaking in the first place. She swallowed thickly, trying her hardest to push her emotions as far down as she possibly could. Tonight needed to be light-hearted, she prompted herself. For once she wanted to let go of all the darkness for one evening and focus on just being with her girlfriend. To focus on the present and nothing else.
Making her way over to the older teen, Lorna acted on impulse. Her arms reached up to Nicky's face and cupped securely around it. She leaned herself closer until their lips and foreheads brushed gingerly together. Pushing her hands slightly up some, she deepened the kiss for several long moments—not even remotely in the mood to pull away. Neither of them pulled away, in fact. Rather she felt Nicky's hands wrap around her waist and both of them fell against the bed behind them.
Despite Nicky's usual preference of being the one on top making all the moves, she found herself underneath Lorna with her back against the mattress and quickly felt her tongue enter inside of her mouth. A mental chuckle was had. Lorna wasn't kidding when she said she wanted to take part in promiscuous activities with her tonight, she thought. Of course, Nicky had no complaints on the matter—she was craving intimacy for a long while and now she was receiving that without even having to ask for it. A dream come true, honestly.
Lorna straddled a leg on either side of her girlfriend's body, her own bent over sufficiently so that her lips were still able to reach atop Nicky's. With her tongue entered inside of her mouth, it quickly came in contact with the other's and then she slowly retreated herself from within. She absolutely had no idea what she was doing—a true virgin who's parents never discussed sexual activity with her—but her actions were being run on autopilot so she didn't have to think too much about it.
Her petite hands stroked repeatedly up and down the length of Nicky's face while her lips moved way from hers and landed on the nape of her neck, pressing multiple kisses all along it. It felt completely natural and right to be doing this with the girl her heart swelled so often for. She planted gentle pecks all along the redhead's entire neck, letting her hands follow towards it as they caressed the skin all the way down. Her lips gradually made their way to Nicky's chest and stroked over the cloth of her shirt that covered atop precisely where her heart was.
Brown eyes cautiously looked up at Nicky, who watched her with widened eyes of her own. Blatantly in shock with Lorna's actions. She had to suppress the laugh that threatened to escape. In all honesty, she was rather shocked with herself as well—she never really even let her mind ponder on intimacy or anything sexual. Sure, that likely could have been due to the effects of her uncle's touching her but even before that sex or sex-like things wasn't something that naturally crossed her mind.
"Are ya okay with this, hon?" When she received a rather enthusiastic nod in response, she couldn't resist the smile that formed from her lips. She gently and gradually ran her arms down along the rest of her body until she reached the spot right above her crotch area. Again, she shifted her head up to stare back up at Nicky. "Can I—would it be okay if I kinda, maybe, pleasure ya?"
The anxiousness that emanated from the smaller girl's voice instantly formed a soft pang in her chest. Nicky peered down at her with compassionate eyes and lifted a hand towards her. "Of course you can, Lorna. You're so sweet for asking," she gently pronounced, squeezing her hand around Lorna's when she felt it placed in her own.
Returning the hand squeeze, Lorna smiled warmly at her girlfriend and carefully released their hands so that she could place hers back near the crotch of her shorts. Her eyes looked meekly down at it as she realized she had no clue what she was about to do. She didn't know how to pleasure anyone. A lump was swallowed down to her throat when flashes of her uncle George's hand grabbing inside of her panties whirled through her mind. That certainly wasn't a pleasurable memory by any stretch of the imagination but it gave her a faint idea of what she needed to do. Pressure was felt in her chest—guilt crept up and she momentarily shut her eyes.
Now wasn't the time to allow that recollection to trigger her, she pleaded with herself. Yes, that wasn't a positive experience but it did give her an idea of how to go about pleasuring her girlfriend. And, right now, she was highly determined to go through with that quest. So, despite the opposing thoughts, Lorna forced them away and refocused on the task at hand. She opened her eyes once more and stroked her hand softly around Nicky's clothed crotch area.
For several moments, she continued the motion around it until she finally worked up the courage to remove the shorts from her legs. Before she made any sudden moves, however, her eyes shifted back up on Nicky's face—who returned the gaze with a reassuring smile on her face.
"Go ahead, baby, you can pull the shorts off. Believe me, I'm 1000% okay with this," Nicky tenderly assured the clearly shaky brunette. She expected the shakiness—even she had been shaky the first time she had sex. It only made sense that Lorna would be too.
Comforted by the encouraging words of her girlfriend, Lorna nodded intuitively and glanced back down at her legs. Her hands inched closer to the waistband of Nicky's shorts, carefully pulling them down until they fell from her feet and landed on the floor near the edge of the bed. Now all that remained was her black pair of panties. Anxiety flared slightly as she ran her thumb delicately over the silk garment. It was a lovely texture, she noted, and acknowledged that she was stalling. She closed her eyes while taking the panties slowly off of her legs and they, too, fell to the floor next to the shorts.
When her eyes reopened, she peered down and a sense of euphoria came over her. As she knelt there with her legs resting on either side of her girlfriend and stared at her bare bottom half, she felt—for the first time in her life—like a true woman. Obviously, only mature young ladies took part in sexual activities. And, now, here she was about to give her girlfriend an orgasm for the first time. That deemed her a mature woman, she mentally pronounced to herself. A smile quickly shaped onto her face.
Coming out of her thoughts, Lorna brought both of her hands down to rest atop the flesh of the older teen's hip bones. Fingers caressed repetitively up and down along it. Keeping it up with the motion, she lifted her head slightly to gaze up at Nicky. Her heart swelled when she noticed the pure bliss that oozed from her face. That meant she was doing something right. She moved both hands inwards until they came to right above her vaginal region.
Since she'd never done anything like this before, she decided to start off slow and only inserted one finger into Nicky's vagina. Her finger gradually explored around until she stumbled upon the vulva, with its soft flesh, and caressed it gently for several seconds. There was noticeable movement from Nicky, so, she quickly looked to check on her and felt relieved to see it was from pleasure and not discomfort. The expression encouraged her to keep rubbing inside of her.
Bringing her finger further up, she came in contact with her clitoris and, that time, decided to strengthen the amount of stroking she did around it. A sound erupted from Nicky's throat, causing Lorna to fasten her pace. She hoped she was doing everything right. It would tremendously appease her heart to have the ability to make her girlfriend orgasm. A sensation the redhead deserved more than anything for all of the love and care she continued to show to Lorna. To pleasure Nicky with a session of love-making certainly wasn't enough but it was a start, she thought.
Refocusing on the present situation, the slight shaking of the bed beneath their bodies caused Lorna's eyes to slowly avert upwards onto her girlfriend's face. It was blatant by Nicky's position—her hands gripping tightly onto the bed frame behind them and how her eyes were squeezed shut—that she was feeling the euphoric release of an orgasm or at least on the cusp of one. She quickly removed her finger and went in with two other ones, caressing around the inside of her vagina over and over until they made their way right back up to her clitoris.
Both fingers touched slowly and tenderly around the soft flesh, gradually speeding up until she heard a squeal escape from Nicky's throat. The sound only provided reason for further stroking of the region where her fingers rested inside of, fastening their pace until she sensed the bed vibrating so much that the frame was clacking against the floorboards beneath it. And Nicky's legs were visibly shaking from the intensity of the pleasure that whirled through her whole body.
Lorna finally ceased the motion, slowly taking her fingers out of her girlfriend's genital area and crawling up to sit beside her head. She easily noted the panted breathing coming from the older teen's mouth and was in shock with herself for being the cause of such. An arm instinctively wrapped around Nicky's shoulder, and her lips stroked tenderly over the top of her head.
Having Lorna's arm around her, Nicky immediately opened her eyes and moved her face so that their lips crashed together in a fiercely hot kiss. She cradled her hands around both of the brunette's cheeks, deepening and holding onto the kiss for several seconds until they both were out of breath and had to pull away for air. Her hands retained their grip on Lorna's face; she rested their foreheads together, running a thumb lovingly around the other's pale flesh.
"Damn, doll, ya got some magical fingers ya know that?" Nicky huskily commented, a warm chuckle quickly following.
She brushed a strand of hair from Lorna's eyes and peered her over with intensity. That was something she hadn't been expecting. Lorna hadn't seemed to be one who was particularly too familiar with sexual activities, so, to have had a rather intense orgasm at the hands of her girlfriend truly surprised her. That wasn't to say she believed Lorna wouldn't be capable of doing so—moreover, Nicky fully anticipated she would have needed some direction on how to make her come.
The brunette bounced her shoulders somewhat but said nothing. Only tightened her grasp on the taller girl. She innately allowed her head to fall onto Nicky's shoulder, her lips touching against one of her cheeks. "I had no idea what I was doing, hon. But you, uh, ya liked it?" Dark eyebrows curved curiously above both of her eyes.
Nicky snaked her arms lovingly around her waist, pulling her to lay softly atop her body, and nodded her head with a warm smile on her face. The faint apprehension that oozed from the younger teen only caused a small pang to form in her chest. She pulled her closer, kissing her temple delicately. "Babe, you're a natural," the words easily slipped through her teeth and they were only the truth. There was certainly something magical about Lorna's fingers, she mentally affirmed. "I haven't orgasmed like that ever. You have a talent, kid."
"Well, thank you, hon," Lorna murmured with a warm giggle. She snuggled closer to the redhead, lifting her head just enough so that her lips pecked the tip of Nicky's chin with an irresistible tenderness.
That giggle sounded so pure and heartwarming to Nicky's ears. Instantly causing her heart to swell up as it so often—so easily—did. Nicky looked down at Lorna with compassion trickling from her big brown eyes; she cradled a hand tightly around her cheek, chuckling good-naturedly at how reddened it got just from her complimenting the girl. She kissed it softly and nuzzled her nose against its soft flesh. "I should be thanking you, my sweet Lorna," her voice breathlessly murmured.
"How about I give you an orgasm now? How's that sound, kid?"
Nicky's offer instantly tensed the brunette's body right up. Her eyes returned her gaze, widened and unsure of how to comprehend such a suggestion. The last time her private area was touched was out of spite by her own perverted uncle. Though, deep down, she acknowledged that what he'd done wasn't of the norm, Lorna presently couldn't push away the thought that if she were to allow Nicky to touch that same area she would be passing on those perverted germs of his.
On top of that, she also wasn't prepared for Nicky to see her flabby skin. That would more than likely end their relationship faster than water evaporating on a one-hundred degree paved black-top. Her head shook profusely in response to the question since words were unable to find their way from her mouth. The room suddenly appeared to be closing in around her and no matter how much she opened her mouth to take in air, it wasn't enough for her to catch a breath.
Worry vastly formed on Nicky's face at the lack of response from her girlfriend. There was a noticeable tension in her body that she sensed as she held her against her own, which only intensified the worry she already felt. Her eyes searched meticulously over Lorna and when they landed on her face and noticed the clear struggle she was having just to take in air, her heart-rate immediately rose.
"What's wrong, doll?" Her voice softly questioned.
Nicky moved both of her hands up to frame around each of the other's cheeks. They stroked soothingly around the flesh of them; her eyes not once faltering from Lorna's. Maybe she shouldn't have suggested giving her an orgasm? Confusion etched on her face at the thought. She tried to make sense of the brunette's reaction but her mind only drew a blank. There had to be something she wasn't telling her, Nicky gradually came to realize.
Finally, movement returned to Lorna's body and she twisted her head around so that her eyes were peering in the same direction as the older teen's. It didn't take her long to observe the worried mien that melded to her face. The sight brought a rather deep breath of air from her lungs. She didn't like that she was the cause of her girlfriend's worry. That fact instantly formed a guilty knot in the pit of her stomach.
A smile pursed from her lips onto her face. Tonight wasn't supposed to have any negativity brought into it, she mutely reminded herself. The two of them were just supposed to spend the evening cuddling and maybe listening to some random stories about Lorna's foster family—not having anything heavy like a certain incident with her uncle come to light. So, she did her best to force the distressing recollection aside and reached her hands up to place around the ones that were held against her own cheeks.
Palms pressing into the tops of Nicky's hands, Lorna ran them gently up and down along the skin of them. "Sorry, hon. S'all good. I just—erm, I'm not…I don't know if I'm ready just yet to, uh, to have an orgasm. I-I just wanted to make you feel good because I love you and felt like that was the best way for me to show ya how much," she slowly began to ramble, an innate ability of hers to aide in covering up how she'd truly felt. Her cheeks heated up a bright red—she wasn't sure if that was from embarrassment or from being such a prude. Or maybe she couldn't be considered a prude now that she'd given her girlfriend an orgasm.
"Why are you apologizing? You didn't do anything wrong," Nicky delicately pointed out. Eyes softened intensely as they gazed warmly down into the brunette's. She pulled her closer to her body, combing a hand soothingly through her dark waves of hair. Though a smile appeared on her face, Nicky knew better than to allow her mind to be deceived by it. She saw through the façade rather easily.
A lump was swallowed. Lorna deterred her eyes somewhat, letting them peak out the window behind the headboard of the bed. The shinning of the moon nonverbally informed her that it was at least past six in the evening already. She sighed, turning back to stare at Nicky. The girl who's arms provided her with the utmost affection and warmth right then and there. She naturally allowed her head to fall against her girlfriend's steadily moving chest and threw her own arms around her abdomen. Her eyes closed momentarily as she let herself become mesmerized by the sound of Nicky's heart beating into her ears.
"I just feel bad for saying no to your request is all. I don't want ya to be upset," she whispered into the redhead's chest.
Stroking her lips over the top of Lorna's head, Nicky placed a hand onto the bottom of her chin and lifted it sufficiently so that she could properly look into her eyes. Compassion oozed from her big brown ones; she brushed the tips of her fingers around its flesh. "I'm not upset, baby. You have no reason to feel bad, yeah? It's okay if you're not ready to experience an orgasm—I would never force you to do anything you're not comfortable with, Lorna. I love you," her breath hot over the smaller teen's forehead as she huskily murmured her words.
Tightening her grasp on Nicky's abdomen, Lorna felt her heart nearly melt from the intensity of affection that slipped through her voice. That only aided in the guilt that loomed over the previously formed knot in her stomach. She certainly hadn't deserved someone as loving as her Nicky. Nicky would always be too good for her, she acknowledged that fact long ago. "You're too good to me, hon. Thank you for being real understanding," she softly responded, reaching a thumb to tuck a strand of red hair tenderly behind her ear.
"You're my girlfriend, Lorna, I'll always be understanding with you. That's what relationships are, yeah? Now that we've settled that," Nicky stated, mirroring Lorna's actions by tucking a strand of her dark hair behind her ear. "Why don't we talk about what this foster family is like huh? Are they weird? Do they have any pets? I need to know these things, kid. Ya got me all interested since ya said how the lady gives ya the creeps." She couldn't resist the light-hearted chuckle that spewed its way from her throat.
A small laugh of her own escaped from Lorna's larynx. "Their son, Cal, is kinda weird. Not a bad weird—he reminds me of my brotha I guess, like ya know? A goofball type a weird. Piper, the daughter, is kinda on the snooty side but not anywhere as close as Mrs. Chapman. She makes me so uncomfortable. There's no pets—I think Mrs. Chapman would go insane if a dog was running around in that house. It's way too spotless for a dog or cat to be allowed in it."
Tucking Lorna's head into the crook of her neck, the redhead rested her lips over the top of it for a few seconds. A playful smirk took up form on her face at her girlfriend's revelation. She couldn't imagine what it was like having to live with a family full of complete strangers—nor would she ever want to experience anything even comparable to that. However, that hadn't negated the fact that her mind was certainly intrigued to hear more about the infamous Chapman family.
Furrowing an eyebrow, Nicky peered down into Lorna's with a searing curiosity trickling from her own. "Ah, so, Mrs. Chapman is one a those moms? A clean freak, yeah? Does she also make ya take your shoes off as soon as ya walk in the front door?"
"By clean freak ya mean she's got a bunch a maids running around the house making sure everything sparkles? Then, yes she sure is," Lorna giggled between words, shaking her head bemusedly. Laying the tips of her fingers atop the flesh of Nicky's neck right above where her head was resting, she caressed them feathery around the area which left a trail of goosebumps in her wake.
Nicky's eyes innately glazed over in empathy. She knew all too well what it was like living in a house that had similar values. Marka Nichols had more money than she knew what do with and instead of that making her a happier, friendlier, person, it only brought out how truly miserable of a human being she was. The way she treated the staff she hired to keep her house in tip-top shape only exuberated the misery she displayed. One of the multitude of reasons Nicky was highly gracious to now be living under Red's roof.
"She must be the same species of women as Marka," a snicker puffed its way out of Nicky's windpipe along with the comment she made. Laughing was the only way she could deal with the topic of her mother. Or rather mother who lacked any meaning of what a real mother was.
The comment immediately caused Lorna to grow much more serious. Her mind pondered on the fact that had Red not been as kind as she was to offer to take Nicky in that Nicky easily could have been put in the same situation that Lorna found herself in now. A lump formed in the pit of her stomach. Just allowing her thoughts to wander on what could have happened caused an uneasiness to come over her. She threw her arms almost desperately around Nicky's neck, pressing her face into its crook.
"I can't comment on that, hon. I don't know Marka other than the fact she isn't really a good mom to ya." Lorna clenched her teeth tightly together in the hopes of keeping her emotions at bay. She certainly hadn't want an argument to be stirred up between them. Nicky's mother was blatantly a very touchy subject.
Instead, she drew a finger delicately along the outline of Nicky's neck. "Mrs. Chapman is just real uppity, I think. She doesn't seem to laugh or make jokes, ya know? I don't like her. But at least she's not my dad. I don't know I hope Franny gets guardianship soon. I just want my life to go back to normal." Normal? The word repeated through her mind. That was only wishful thinking, she told herself, normal was something she'd never be able to obtain again. How could anything in her life be normal when her mother wasn't coming back?
"No, I get that kid. She sounds like a real ray of sunshine yeah?" The pair of them shared a mutual chuckle at Nicky's statement.
With a warm smile on her face, Nicky cupped a hand around one of Lorna's cheeks and used her thumb to tenderly comb a loose strand of brown hair away. Though, deep down, she still held a significant amount of worry for the petite brunette over not only what had occurred only twenty minutes earlier but also over everything she'd been generally dealing with, Nicky was grateful that the two of them were able to set that all aside for a relaxing evening of cuddles and small talk. Something beneficial for the both of them, she acknowledged.
"Do you feel comfortable there, doll? I mean aside from Mrs. Chapman? You promise you're being treated fine? I don't want ya hiding anything from me anymore. I've already lost out on being able to help you through so much so at least let me be here for you through the foster care, yeah?"
The brunette naturally found her lips pressing against the nape of Nicky's neck, nuzzling her face against it afterwards. There wasn't a place she desired to be more than right there in her girlfriend's loving and protective embrace. Her heart doubled in size at the heartfelt words that came out of Nicky's angelic mouth. She nodded her head softly, turning her body so that she was properly facing Nicky. Her head lifted up slightly in an effort for their eyes to meld into one another's.
Lorna delicately combed her fingers along the outline of Nicky's face. A smile molded onto her own. A beautiful, angelic, face was what her Nicky had. She drew tender hearts around each of her faintly reddened cheeks and slowly bent her head down so that their foreheads pressed softly together.
"Yeah, it's okay there. I'm just waiting for Franny to whisk me outta there but it'll do until she gets the guardianship thing," the comment casually came out, her finger tracing down Nicky's cheek until she came towards her lips. She touched her finger to Nicky's lips, delicately stroking the flesh of them. Her eyes glanced back up into the older teen's, letting them meld together with hers.
"I love you, hon. I don't know what I've done to deserve you as my girlfriend but I-I wouldn't wish for anything else. You're an angel. My angel. I know ya ain't religious or nothin'—I'm not really either, well I mean I believe in God, but anyway I just want ya to know that I'm real thankful to God that I get to be with you, Nicky. You, you really don't understand how much ya mean to me, hon. I think you're my soulmate."
Lorna replaced her lips where her finger once rested upon and very delicately pressed them overtop of Nicky's, softly gliding them into a warm, affectionate, kiss. Their foreheads remained resting atop one another's as well as their eyes still gazing directly into each other's. Nicky's arms wrapped securely around Lorna's waist while Lorna had one arm draped over her abdomen and the other around her neck. Neither craved to be anywhere other than where they were right now—both cradled in each other's arms, the one place both of them mutually felt safe and loved.
Chapter 45
Notes:
This chapter was also another challenge for me to complete. I am still very much suffering with lingering brain fog from Covid and it absolutely sucks. Writing has become a chore and I feel so bad that the past two chapters have been less than mediocre. I'm hoping this brain fog goes away soon. I want to enjoy writing again. I sure hope by the time I update this next that my writing muse is back. I'm sorry in advance.
Chapter Text
Chapter Forty-Four
It was half past three in the morning when Lorna was startled awake from a rather deep slumber. She jolted up due to the sensation of sweat hitting her body from the fabric of the clothing that clung to her skin. The sweaty feeling quickly came as a shock to her—it hadn't even been hot in the room, she observed, how the hell was she sweating in a pair of thinly-sewn pieces of fabric that only covered her thighs and upper arms? She shook her head at herself—leave it to her to wake up in the middle of a freezing winter night covered in her own damn sweat.
The deafening sound of loud breathing—bordering on snoring—instantly pulled Lorna's attention from her sweaty body onto where it could possibly be originating from. It was an eerie, familiar, sound. One she remembered echoing through the walls of her mother's hospital room all those several months earlier. No wonder she was jolted awake from her sleep in a cold sweat. That sound had the capability of haunting her no matter what time of day or night it happened to be. She hurriedly removed herself from the bed to put as much distance between herself and that god-awful noise that bled through her ears.
However, the farther she walked from the bed the louder it rang through them. She reached her hands up to cover over both of her ears and tiptoed her way out of her girlfriend's bedroom. A light, appearing to come from the kitchen, shined dimly through the hallway that separated her from the bedroom. She followed the shadow of the light, which led her out past the living room and into the kitchen. Rather the empty kitchen. There was a small light above the sink that had clearly been what was projecting through the hallway she had just walked the path of.
Her eyes deterred towards the window that sat on the wall near the circular table. There, brightly-lit in the sky, was a full moon. Rapidly, Lorna's brown eyes were mesmerized by it. Its light lit up the entirely pitched-black sky, making all of the millions of stars easily visible to the naked eye. She couldn't resist the smile that fought for a place on her face. It was a beautiful display that took up the night sky. Brought back memories of the nights she found her mother sitting on their front porch when she had trouble sleeping from the effects of the numerous different medications she was forced to take for the cancer.
Despite the pain that Mrs. Morello happened to be in at the time, each night Lorna walked out to join her on the porch, she smiled at her daughter and assured her that everything would be all right. Assured her that no matter what was to come of her that when she looked up at the night sky and saw the twinkling of all of the stars that that was her way of reaching out to her to let her know she was okay.
So, now, as she stood in the school nurses' kitchen and peered her brown eyes through the window at all the beautifully shinning stars and moon, Lorna was instantly washed with a feeling of warmth through her entire body. The smile on her face only widened slightly. She walked closer so that she could place her hands onto the pane of the window. Her mother was blatantly speaking to her from the grave, she came to realize. Maybe she'd tried reaching out to her before but Lorna hadn't been in a receptive frame of mind like she happened to be in currently. Her heart craved for her mother's presence—not just from the stars shining through the window that she peered her eyes out of now. She wanted nothing more than for her mom to physically appear before her. No matter how farfetched that sounded.
Footsteps caught the attention of Lorna's ears. For a split second, before she turned to them, she thought her desire had come true. That those footsteps belonged to Mrs. Morello and when she'd turn around, she'd see her standing right behind her with that beautiful smile of hers that always so easily lit up the room she occupied. However, not surprisingly, when Lorna did turn around, it wasn't her mother who stood behind her but Mrs. Reznikov.
Standing in the archway of her kitchen, her housecoat tied around her nightgown and nearly touching the ground from how long it was, Mrs. Reznikov looked in at Lorna with a sympathetic expression melded on her face. She knew she heard someone walking about the house and was slightly taken aback to see the young teen standing in her kitchen, her face pressed up against the window. She entered further into the room and quickly got to work at preparing a fresh kettle of tea.
Sure, it might have been nearing four am but that didn't mean Red wasn't not going to fix herself a cup of tea. It was apparent to her that Lorna was having trouble sleeping, anyway, so that certainly called for a late night cup of tea. She grabbed the kettle from its designated spot on the counter, bringing it over to the sink to fill with a sufficient volume of water, before replacing it onto the base where she switched the switch to turn it on.
While the water heated, she went to the cabinet to take out two ceramic mugs and brought them back to the kettle to set them down right beside it. Her blue eyes found their way onto Lorna once more and she waved a hand at her to gain her attention. When Lorna's eyes were staring into her own, she pointed at the table—nonverbally offering for her to have a seat at it. She watched closely as the brunette apprehensively complied, reluctantly pushing herself away from the window.
The kettle beeped interjecting their wordless interaction. Red removed it from the electric base, pouring the hot water into both cups and set the now empty vessel into the strainer side of the sink to air it out. For her own mug, she placed a bag of plain black tea into it to steep for a few minutes. Her head turned towards Lorna, "What kind of tea do you want? I have black tea, peppermint, apple cinnamon or blueberry lemon."
Silence was finally broken by nurse Reznikov's query. Lorna popped her head up to return her gaze. She craned her neck slightly, her mind processing all the flavors that were listed off. There were so many of them; she hadn't realized tea came in so many versatile flavors like the ones Red had mentioned.
"Hmm. That's a lot of choices. Um, I'll try the apple cinnamon," was the choice she settled on making. One she remembered her mom favoring quite often. The warm aroma would seep in through the crack of the front door when she would walk down from her bedroom in the middle of the night.
Red nodded intuitively, taking out a box of the very flavor that Lorna decided on and removing a tea bag from it. The packaging was neatly taken off of the teabag before it was put into the water of the mug that she'd chosen for Lorna. She carried both mugs over to the table with her, setting one on the surface in front of the spot she was going to sit in and the other placed on the table in front of the brunette.
Sitting down across from Lorna, Red picked up her mug and graciously took a sip of her tea. Her eyes pondered on the younger girl with an oozing curiosity. "What're ya doing up this late, honey? Are you okay?"
Mirroring Mrs. Reznikov, Lorna grabbed her own mug and carefully brought it to her lips. The aroma immediately soaked up through her nostrils and instantly overpowered her with a strong sense of comfort. She recalled the vision of her mother sitting on their rocking wicker chair on the front porch, her cup of apple cinnamon tea cradled in her hands, blue eyes peering out into the starry night. Her luscious red lips curled into her infamous smile that remained on her face even through the treacherous pain of chemotherapy that her body was drenched in for the last few years of her life.
"I heard a weird sound when I woke up. I guess it scared me, I don't know," Lorna shrugged her shoulders, looking down into the mug that was cradled between her hands. She let her lips clutch around the rim of it, sipping slowly as to not burn her tongue upon contact. The warmth of the tea could be felt all the way down, soothing her esophagus and throat immensely. "Thanks for tea, it's real good."
Red smiled warmly and reached a hand over to place atop Lorna's. She patted it comfortingly. As her eyes searched the teen over rather methodically, in true nurse-like-fashion that she always did when in her office at the school, they observed the faint amount of trepidation that Lorna probably was hoping to keep hidden. Of course that observation immediately kicked her maternal instincts into full gear.
"A weird sound, huh? What was it you heard? Perhaps just the house settling?" She retained her stare over Lorna's face, watching to see if her expression gave any clues away as to how she was feeling or what was possibly going on in that head of hers.
Feeling Red's eyes on her caused Lorna's body to quickly tense up. Her hands became rather rigid as they set down the mug. She swallowed thickly, deterring her stare away from the middle-aged woman. It was clear from the way Red had been staring at her that she was trying to read her like Nicky always so easily had done. "Uh, nothing, it really doesn't matter now."
Shaking her head, Red moved her hand from Lorna's and instead placed it gently onto one of her pale cheeks. "It does matter. You're clearly still bothered by whatever sound ya heard. Why don't ya just tell me what ya heard? It's okay, Lorna, I'm not gonna judge you for it," her thick accented voice gently reassured the young teen.
"It was just loud breathing I heard and it scared me a little, it's real dumb."
Saying it out loud made it sound even stupider than it did in her head, Lorna acknowledged solemnly. She refused to return Mrs. Reznikov's stare and instead bowed her head down towards the wooden surface of the table. Was she just a complete idiot for being frightened over the measly sound of someone's lungs pumping air from them? Of course, her mind agreed, of course she was exactly that. Only an idiot would fear such an innately innocent noise.
Hearing the explanation only caused a plethora of concern to meld its way onto Red's face. Setting her teacup aside, she framed her other hand on Lorna's left cheek so that both of them were now cradled in her hands. Her blue eyes searched Lorna's face precisely, trying to comprehend what exactly she was afraid of with the clarification of the sound that she heard was. "It's not dumb to be scared of any type of sound. Now what about this loud breathing scared you so much? I'm sure it was probably just Nicky's snoring—regardless of what she says, I've heard her snore many times when going to check on her in the night."
Lorna gulped uncomfortably when snoring slipped from between Mrs. Reznikov's teeth. She felt childish to be brought to near tears from something so simple—something so harmless, normal. Who the hell was fucking scared to death of the sound of another's snoring? Only a child would fear something as natural as a snore, she mentally berated herself. When her eyes blurred from a build-up of tears edging their way from beneath their lids, she balled her hands into maddened fists.
Leave it to reality to set in and tear down her walls in a matter of seconds. She picked up her cup of tea off of the table and sipped it a few times before putting it back. Her eyes deterred back onto Mrs. Reznikov, who sat on the other side of the table watching her rather attentively. Casually, she lifted a hand up to cover one of her temples. Rubbing it coarsely with the palm of said hand. "I told ya it was a dumb reason to be scared," she muttered, bouncing a shoulder slightly.
"There's no such thing as a dumb reason to be scared of something," Red gently pointed out. Maternal instincts running high, she reached a hand across the wooden surface to cover softly over Lorna's that was resting on the tabletop. She patted the tips of her fingers comfortingly against the knuckles of the brunette teen's hand.
Despite Lorna's attempts to cover up her emotions, Red easily was able to see through to the pain seemingly hidden behind her eyes. The sight naturally pulled on her heartstrings. She loathed to see any of the people she cared about so blatantly hurting. A breath was brought into her lungs by the inhalation of air through her nose. "Do you want to discuss what scared you so much from hearing the loud breathing?" She tried asking the question a second time, hoping for some sort of reciprocation.
To answer that query truthfully would mean revealing the passing of her mother to yet another person. A topic she had decided was off limits for the rest of that day, she mentally recalled. However, with the time technically being very early the next morning, that would easily negate the fact. Sighing, she placed her head on the surface of the table and let the darkness of the wood satiate her vision for a few passing moments. Her mind took that time to figure out how to proceed.
Nails tapped against the edge of the table. "My mom," was her mumbled response, the words muffled by the wood her mouth rested overtop of. She couldn't get herself to elaborate any further; those two words were already too much, she frustratedly thought.
Craning her head, the older woman arched two eyebrows over very concerned lightly-colored eyes. Her hands cupped around both of her ears as she strained to make out exactly what Lorna had said. "What was that, honey?" She moved her hand to place atop Lorna's brown waves, combing her fingers soothingly through the thick hair that cascaded along her upper back.
"My mom." Lorna repeated, though her voice still muffled from the wood. Her face remained in its position so that her mouth was hidden by the surface of the table below.
Red sighed, still unable to understand what was coming from her mouth. She took both of her hands, carefully placing them on either side of the brunette's face and cautiously lifted it from the table so that their eyes were peering directly into one another's. There was a noticeable sadness oozing from the brown ones that stared back at her. She felt the pang in her chest slightly grow a little heavier. Her hands grasped softly around both of Lorna's cheeks. "Okay, now, please repeat what you said. I couldn't understand what you were saying with your face buried in the table, Lorna."
An irritated groan made its way out from her windpipe. As if she hadn't already repeated herself once, now Mrs. Reznikov was requesting for her to do so a second time. "My mom." There was a curtness to her tone that time. The more times she let the simple word slip from her mouth, the more upset it made her. She bit down roughly on her tongue and hardly even flinched at the sensation of blood mixing in with her saliva from the harsh contact between her teeth and tongue.
"Your mom? What about your mom?"
Sympathy instantly took up form on Red's face to finally make sense of what the young girl was stating. She brushed her fingers gently along her cheeks when she mentally noted the exasperation that trickled from Lorna's eyes. Though she had been made aware of Lorna's current predicament of being put in the foster system and temporarily living with a state chosen family, the news of her mother hadn't yet been shared with her. So, hearing Lorna mention her mom, Mrs. Reznikov tilted her head with an intense volume of curiosity coming from her blue eyes.
A throbbing ache molded between her temples. Lorna immediately removed herself from underneath the middle-aged woman's grasp and jolted out of her seat. There was a conspicuous rage gradually boiling beneath her veins. She found herself pacing rather swiftly around the kitchen. Her hands reformed themselves into fists at her sides as her pace fastened with each second that went by. The actions didn't do much to ease her emotions, and in fact all it really appeared to do was strengthen the aching on her forehead.
Red watched with worried eyes as the petite teen walked back and forth around the room. Getting up from her chair, she grabbed the empty mugs and carefully brought them over to place into the sink. Afterwards, she cautiously came up behind the blatantly distressed Lorna and encircled her arms slowly around her back, pulling her in for a soothing embrace. "What's the matter? What happened with your mom? Come on, sweetheart, out with it. You'll feel better to talk about it than keeping it inside," she softly encouraged, combing her fingers delicately through brown waves of hair.
"No," Lorna shook her head out of refusal. "No."
Despite the mental anguish of swallowing down every last emotion that seemed to eat at her, she refused to allow herself to confide in anyone over her mother's death. The rage intensified. She wanted nothing more than to go back to the day before anyone ever found out about her little secret—or secrets, rather. The day before Nicky drove her to the Morello household and witnessed her father's drunken fit. The day before she was fucking whisked away by that god-damned CPS lady. If those two things never would have happened, Lorna was sure her mother's death would have never been found out about by her school counselor and Nicky.
"I know," Red muttered, stroking a hand tenderly through thick strands of Lorna's hair. Her eyes softly peered down into the other's. They quickly observed the obvious pain that was so desperately trying to stay hidden.
She shook her head sadly, knowing all too well how mentally tasking it was too keep one's emotions from displaying. "I know," her voice repeated, this time with one of her hands framing soothingly around a pale cheek. "It's not the most pleasurable thing in the world to talk about the things that hurt us. Believe me I know that. But that's the only way we heal, Lorna, is by opening up about the pain. Whatever that pain may be. It's not easy to do but the more you do it the easier it becomes."
Brown eyes skeptically peering up at the middle-aged Russian, Lorna swallowed a rather large wad of saliva that built up inside of her mouth. There was a slight moistness in the pits of her eyelids that, when she blinked, a stickiness could easily be felt. She bit down on her bottom lip as if that alone would magically suck back the tears that lined the bottoms of her eyes.
On one hand, she wanted to give in out of exhaustion and fatigue from all the mental gymnastics going on in her head. However, on the other hand, the idea of giving in meant she was too weak to handle the pain on her own and would therefore be burdening those she loved with it. And that would only lead her to feeling an unrelenting amount of guilt. Guilt that would only make her need for control that much stronger. Control which would then turn into frequent trips to the bathroom each day at school. Frequent bathroom trips would more than likely turn into incessant bullying from Annalisa, no doubt. Which would lead to Nicky eventually finding out and again, the vicious cycle would continue.
Having Lorna's face still framed in her hands, Mrs. Reznikov returned her gaze with a highly worried one. The closer she observed her expression, the easier it was for her to notice the slight tears that appeared ready to fall at any given second. One of her hands she allowed to move up underneath Lorna's eye and used the tips of her fingers to gently stroke away the tears, "You want to talk about it, I can see it in your eyes. Something happened to your mom? What is it?"
"What I want is for my life to be fucking normal again."
It wasn't hard for Red's ears to pick up on the anger that so clearly emanated from the younger girl's voice. Though her voice was of a hushed tone, and slightly quivered from said anger, Red heard it, nonetheless. Her arms tightened around Lorna, pulling her closer so that her head was tucked between her chin and neck. She bent down just enough for her lips to press a comforting kiss atop the brunette's head. "What's not normal right now?" Of course, after the question exited her mouth, Red acknowledged what an obvious answer that would have.
Lorna threw up her hands, her eyes widened as they stared directly ahead of her at Red—staring at her as if she had three heads for asking such an inquiry. "Nothing," she cried out, eyes filled with vexation as they looked bewilderedly at the school nurse. "Nothing," her voice repeated, louder and drawn out. "Nothing in my life is fucking normal. I fucking hate the stupid foster family I'm forced to stay with, my stupid dad's in the stupid hospital and I just want it all to go away. I hate everything."
"Oh, Lorna, that won't last forever. Things will get better for you, honey, I promise."
"Better? How the fuck are things gonna get better? How would ya even know that? You can't promise that. I'd rather…" Lorna trailed off when she realized what she was about to let slip out from her mouth. She quickly released herself from Red's arms, too angry to allow herself any form of comfort. Her eyes shifted around the room in the search for something sharp. The wooden knife holder on the counter caught her attention and immediately she found her feet moving her in that direction. She yearned to have one of them in her hands, however, with Red watching her, she refrained from acting on the urge.
Red walked up behind her, placing a comforting hand on her back and rubbing it softly. "You're right, I can't promise it'll get better. But what I can promise is that I'll be here for you. Whatever I can do to help you, please tell me."
Turning around, Lorna folded her arms defensively over her chest and looked the older woman over meticulously. Despite the sincerity that poured out from her voice, she felt a strong bout of skepticism towards her. Trusting anyone was gradually turning into a chore. Maybe it was only her mind playing tricks on her, trying to turn her against everyone so that all she had was herself and her self-hatred. Maybe on some twisted level that was exactly what she wanted was to be all on her own so that she could indulge in all the self-destructive behaviors she so desired without anyone being able to stop her.
The sound of footsteps rapidly brought both sets of eyes away from each other and in direction of where the noise seemed to originate from. Standing in the archway of the kitchen was a half-awake Nicky, her red hair an even bigger mess than it usually was—clearly alerting those who looked at her that she had literally just rolled herself out of bed seconds before walking into the room. She reached her hands up to rub at her eyes, hoping to clear her vision from the sleep that still thickened around her eyelids.
Not quite realizing the time, Nicky blindly made her way over to the coffee maker to start preparing a fresh pot of it. Yet, before she could even remove the filter to replace it with a new one, the clearing of a throat quickly halted her task. Her eyes followed in direction of the sound and landed on her surrogate mother. The disapproving look on Red's face caused her shoulders to recoil upwards in a subtle shrug. "Can't a girl make coffee at this ungodly hour?"
"Well, seeing as it's the middle of the night I don't think coffee is a good idea right now," Red gently pointed out when she noticed the disheveled redhead was standing over the coffee machine, clearly ready to fix a pot of coffee. Her eyes darted towards the digital clock on the stove that showed it was not even four in the morning.
Squinting her eyes at the statement, Nicky shifted them onto the stove clock as well and merely choked on her own saliva when she saw the time. Being woken by the sound of Red and Lorna's voices carrying through the walls she had rightfully assumed it was proper morning rather than middle of the night morning. She set the coffee pot back underneath the filter drip and made her way over to the sink to splash her face with cold water. Something needed to get the sleep out of her damn eyes.
Feeling slightly more awake now that her face had been doused in freezing infected water, Nicky turned around so that her back was leaning against the rim of the counter and peered between both her girlfriend and maternal figure. Lines creased on her forehead out of interest for what the two could have possibly been discussing at such a random hour in the middle of the night. Her eyes squinted once more as they peered intently over Lorna, trying to read her body language.
"Why are ya both out here this late? I woke up to your voices and just assumed it was morning."
Moving her eyes from Nicky over to the petite brunette, Red contemplated what to respond with. She inhaled a sharp breath of air, placing a comforting hand on Lorna's shoulder before returning her gaze onto her surrogate daughter. The same girl who cared more for Lorna's well-being than her own sometimes, she quickly came to acknowledge that fact. It was certainly something she admired between the pair of them, despite also hoping her Nicky knew it was important to look after herself as well.
"I came out here when I heard Miss Lorna over there walking her little feet around the kitchen. We were sitting at the table drinking tea just a few minutes ago, weren't we?"
Gulping uncomfortably, the brunette shifted her feet back and forth where she stood. The palms of her hand suddenly grew rather sweaty as she looked up at Mrs. Reznikov. It was quite obvious from the expression melded upon her face that she was waiting on a response to confirm the comment she made. Lorna swallowed air and slightly fixed her focus on the redhead who was a few feet away from them. The air she just swallowed came right back out of her through a forced gust pushed up by the contraction of her lungs.
Eyes observing Nicky, she watched as her hands ran through the thick mess of curls that spilled down from her scalp along her shoulders and mid-back. Even in the wee hours of the morning Nicky was the most beautiful soul to ever grace the planet, Lorna psychologically accredited. Her lungs filled with air once more and the clearing of a throat deemed her that it was best she finally allow herself to voice some sort of confirmation to the Russian woman's earlier comment.
"Yeah," was the only word that Lorna could get to escape from between her teeth.
She felt her shoulders recoil and the moonlight shining in from the window caught her focus yet again. If only her mother were truly there in her physical form, the thought ran through her mind.
Mrs. Morello's death was certainly the ultimate reason for the current situation she had been put in. A realization that only intensified the guilt that already seemed to be claiming her mind. Rather, it was that damn cancer's fault for all that occurred over the past several months. A bitter taste took up space in her mouth. There wasn't a word she loathed more than that fucking cancer. Cancer should be banned from all the infinite dictionaries, Lorna begrudgingly thought.
Nicky folded her arms over her chest while searching her eyes attentively over her girlfriend's physique. It didn't take long for her to come to the conclusion that something was clearly amiss. "Hmm. Are you okay, Lorna?" She hadn't even heard the girl maneuver her way out of the bed when she had and felt a pang form within her chest. Her thoughts wandered on whether or not their promiscuous activities were possibly the reason Lorna looked as pale as a ghost right there while she stood staring emotionless into what appeared to be the abyss.
Before the brunette could even open her mouth to say anything, Red held up a hand in Nicky's direction—bringing it upon herself to respond to the query. "That's what I was just here trying to get to the bottom of," she slowly started off, resting a hand on the rim of the countertop beside her. Her eyes shifted onto Lorna and she shook her head in synchronicity. "But Lorna's a very stubborn girl and knows how to talk her way in circles. So we have yet to answer that question, isn't that right?"
Sucking in her lower lip, Lorna sensed a pooling of saliva hit the bottom of her mouth right beneath her tongue. She swallowed it away and kicked her foot exasperatedly against the tiled floor under it. "Am I okay?" The words repeated aloud; if she hadn't been so exhausted and mentally fatigued, she'd have laughed at the absurdity of such a question. However, she refrained and instead rolled her neck from one shoulder to the other. "I don't know what the hell I am anymore. But okay? Probably not."
Chapter 46
Notes:
I'm very slowly regaining my writing muse. Of course, I'm still not back to my usual self with writing so please forgive me if it's still on the sucky side. I'm trying, I really am. And I will definitely be going back to revise the last few chapters once I'm completely back to my normal self.
Chapter Text
Chapter Forty-Five
To assume Nicky was shocked to hear her girlfriend—very hard-headed girlfriend at that—merely admitting that she was probably not okay would be quite the under assumption. She cautiously made her way up behind the shorter teen and naturally allowed her arms to encircle around her waist, pulling her closer in the process. Her lips instinctively found their way onto the flesh of Lorna's forehead, pressing warmly against it. She rested her chin gently overtop of the other's head and brushed the tips of her fingers lightly along the sides of Lorna's abdomen.
It was a step in the right direction for Lorna to allow such a comment to slip out as she had only moments earlier. Relief poured through Nicky's veins to hear her girlfriend's highly gradual acknowledgement of not being exactly as okay as she once claimed to be. That showed her that Lorna was slowly coming to terms with things in her life being the way they were without looking at everything through a selective lens. Another tender kiss she pressed over the flesh of her forehead.
"Well, doll, what are you feeling right now?" The question simply fell from her mouth. She released her hold around Lorna's waist, moving her hands to frame around her face instead so that their eyes were able to meld together. With their eyes soaking intensely into one another's, Nicky easily noted the tears subtly sitting at the bottom of Lorna's nearly threatening to spill out.
Red watched the pair of them and held up a hand, waving it at them to gesture for them to come sit back down at the table. "Why don't you girls have a seat? I'll put on another kettle of tea and we can discuss what you're feeling, Lorna." Once the teens abided by her words, she made her way back over to the sink to retrieve the tea-maker and refilled it with enough water to prepare three cups with.
Sitting in the chair right beside the youngest person in the room, Nicky slid a protective arm around her upper body and pulled her closer so that her head was resting directly on her shoulder. Her lips naturally made their way to the top of her head, pressing down on it in a soothing kiss. She let her hands stroke soothingly through her dark brown waves of hair in the hope of bringing Lorna some form of comfort.
Instantly, having her girlfriend's arms securely wrapped around her, Lorna closed her eyes out of instinct and gradually allowed herself to relax into the warm and comforting embrace. There was nothing that felt more natural and compassionate than the affection she received from her beloved Nicky. Affection she hadn't necessarily believed she earned or deserved. How could someone such as herself ever be worthy of being loved by someone—who Lorna deemed—as perfect as Nicky? A sigh escaped her at the questioning thought that ran through her mind, however, she refrained from voicing anything on the matter aloud.
Rather, she wrapped her own arms around the older teen's neck and nuzzled her face closer against the warmth that radiated from it. The query that came from her girlfriend's mouth only moments earlier repeated itself in her mind. What was she feeling? A question Lorna hadn't been entirely sure on how to answer. Because the more she allowed her thoughts to ponder on it the more she realized how she truly had no clue how she was feeling in the right now. Maybe that was her response right there—she wasn't feeling anything.
"Numb might be the best way to explain what I'm feeling right now…or what I'm not feeling, technically," the only appropriate reply that Lorna was able to muster up. One that was honest and described her current lack of feeling to a T.
The response only encouraged Nicky to tighten her arms around her shoulders, which automatically caused Lorna to be pulled even closer against her body. It was only the most natural sensation in the world for Nicky to have Lorna in her arms—for their bodies to be merely melded together as if they magically became one person. A tightness formed in her chest and it certainly hadn't been because Lorna's head was resting over it. No, it was the recollection of Lorna's subtly mentioning that she—Nicky Nichols—was her soulmate that happened to be the culprit of said tightness.
Of course as she sat there, eyes peering down at the blatantly drained brunette who rested on her chest now, soulmate talk surely wasn't a topic that should be brought up. So, for the time being, she swallowed her emotions regarding the memory and focused her mind on the present situation. A hand she reached up and used to gently comb through her girlfriend's dark brown waves.
"Numb, huh? That's understandable after everything that's happened lately, kid. You've been dealing with a lot—I think anyone would feel numb with all that ya got going on right now," Nicky gently pointed out, letting her eyes gaze lovingly down into Lorna's. She placed her thumb on the bottom of the younger teen's chin and caressed it soothingly. If the tables were turned and she was put in Lorna's situation, numbness would definitely be a sensation she'd experience as well.
The kettle beeped, momentarily halting the conversation, and Red hurriedly went to grab it from the base to stop the obnoxious sound from continuing to boom through the room. She poured the hot liquid into the three mugs she already had set out before placing three tea bags separately into each of the cups—another plain one for herself and the apple cinnamon for both Lorna and Nicky. Now that they were all properly prepared, she carefully put them on a serving tray and carried it over to the table—setting them on the surface of it in their respective places.
Reclaiming her spot from earlier, Mrs. Reznikov cradled her hands around her own mug and peered across at the two teenagers with an inquisitively arched eyebrow. "What else are you dealing with, Lorna? Is there more going on than just the incident with your father and being in foster care?" The question was asked between sips of her tea. Blue eyes looking between the teens with a searing volume of curiosity pouring through.
Both girls shared a look, Lorna one of reluctance and Nicky one of compassion. Nicky cupped her hand lovingly around the brunette's cheek, caressing the tips of her fingers along the length of it. She could easily see by the expression that was molded on her face that Lorna was in no mood to mention anything on the matter of her mother. Seeing that only formed an ache in her chest. A breath of air expelled from her lungs as she contemplated whether she should give the answer or just wait for Lorna to feel ready enough to bring it up on her own.
"Ya know, kid, it's okay to tell ma everything that's going on," Nicky softly assured her, combing a hand soothingly through her hair. Resting her forehead tenderly against Lorna's. "Ma's a good listener; telling her what happened will only benefit you in the long run, doll."
Nodding agreeably with her surrogate daughter's comment, Red brought her mug up to her mouth and sipped it savoringly. Her eyes shifted from Nicky onto Lorna, observing her closely as she tried to read what she must have been feeling. Though her eyes were busy watching the petite Italian teen, her mind wandered with thoughts of what else the poor girl could have possibly been dealing with. Wasn't it enough that her father had chased the two of them with a gun and now she was living with a strange family? What was even worse than that?
"Of course you can tell me what all is going on, sweetheart. I want to help you as much as I can. Now I understand it's not easy talking about painful things but I can assure you that being open will make you feel better in the long run," Red's head nodded with each word that she spoke. She felt a sigh force its way up from her lungs and through her windpipe. Pain and keeping it all inside was something she was all too familiar with—a reason she was so adamant on wanting to be there for Lorna and help her to open up about whatever else she was going through at the moment. A hand was reached over to be placed comfortingly atop Lorna's hand.
Having two people sitting there with her, both who appeared so willing to hear her out and just generally be there for her was a rather foreign concept. Despite her older sister's concern, having spent the majority of the past several months under her father's roof with him alone, the only thing Lorna was accustomed to was his drunken rages and abuse. Maybe that was the main reason she felt so resistant towards anyone who ever offered her any comfort or affection or even only a genuine listening ear.
A deep breath made its way through her larynx. There was a slight part of her that had the urge to share the news of her mother with Red, but there was a larger part of her that thought enough had already been done. She shared too much with too many people and shouldn't also pull the school nurse down into it as well. However as she looked up to discover both sets of eyes on her, she found keeping herself quiet on the matter to be that much more of a challenge.
Lorna swallowed thickly and reached her hands for her cup of tea that had been sitting in front of her for too long without being acknowledged. Her lips covered around the rim of the ceramic object, sipping the warm liquid slowly and with finesse. The tea ran through her esophagus and throat, leaving a soothing sensation in its wake. "I, uh, I don't—my mom, she-she," it felt near impossible to form a coherent sentence regarding the passing of her mother.
Another sip of tea was taken, whether to procrastinate her response or to help her configure a response that wouldn't fumble about in her mouth was unknown. "My mom, um, erm, she uh she uh." The words sat on the tip of her tongue but Lorna couldn't find the strength to get them to fully escape her. Her breathing fastened while the rate of her heart-beat increased at a rather alarming pace.
To watch her struggling so significantly just to get the words out broke Nicky's heart tremendously. She cradled her hand around the back of Lorna's head maneuvering it to lay over the top of her chest. Her lips made their way atop her head and pressed down on it in a loving kiss. "It's okay, kid. I know it's hard for ya to talk about it. Just take a minute to catch your breath, yeah?" Another soothing peck was stroked over the younger girl's head.
Burying her face against the warmth of Nicky's chest, Lorna bobbed her head up and down somewhat. It took her a few moments of keeping herself hidden in her girlfriend's embrace before her breathing returned to a more normal rhythm. She exhaled sharply and lifted her head once more so that she could refocus her eyes on the Russian woman across from her. "I-I, erm, I lost my mom," the words finally slipped from between her teeth albeit quicker than she originally planned.
"Good job, doll," Nicky murmured softly against the shorter teen's ear. She ran a hand delicately up and down her back as she tightened her arms around her body. That was the first time she recalled hearing Lorna, herself, mention her mom's having passed on since their meeting with Mrs. Mendoza at school the day before. Another positive step in the right direction, she believed.
The revelation came as a slight shock to Mrs. Reznikov. Her cup of tea was immediately set back onto its previous spot on the surface of her table. It took her a few swallows before finding her voice again. Empathy wormed its way onto her face; she released her hand from the mug and brought it across from her to rest softly onto Lorna's cheek. Now, all of a sudden, everything seemed to make sense to her. Lorna's demeanor, the absence of emotion—it all had to do with the grief of losing a parent. Her breath hitched in her throat at such realization—grief was a horrible, painful thing to have to endure and it broke her heart to hear that was what Lorna was dealing with on top of everything else.
"Oh Lorna, honey," Red began, moving her hand that was pressed into her cheek around it in a gentle stroking motion. No wonder she had been put in the foster system—it hadn't made complete sense until now. The loss of her mother and having an asshat for a father were two mishaps that would certainly cause any child to be taken away by Child Protective Services.
No one deserved to have to struggle through the pain of grief, Red mentally thought to herself. Especially not a child. A poor, sweet, young child who endured the loss of a parent. The thought alone was enough to tighten a knot in Mrs. Reznikov's chest. She shook her head distastefully—Lorna was suffering through the complete opposite of what she had suffered many years earlier. "I am so sorry to hear you've lost your mother," she softly stated, tucking a loose strand of brown hair behind her ear. "There is nothing worse than the grief of losing someone so close to you. When did she pass away? Was it right before the incident with your father?"
Lorna swallowed uncomfortably, twisting her head slightly around to peer up at Nicky. As if wordlessly asking her to help her come up with some form of an answer. Because right now the thought of stringing her own words into a sentence that actually made sense felt merely impossible. There were so many thoughts whirling through her mind that an ache quickly formed between her temples. The past few days had worn so heavily on her body, both physically and mentally. She felt like she could barely breathe let alone come up with the words to respond to Red's queries with.
Sensing the brown eyes of her lover searing into the irises of her own, Nicky sucked in a deep breath and framed her hands lovingly around each of her pale cheeks. She lifted Lorna's face a slight amount so that their eyes melded together. It wasn't hard for her to observe the obvious exhaustion that emanated from those of her girlfriend's. The sight formed a pang in her chest. "It's okay, doll, you can tell her when it happened. I know it's not easy but you're allowed to open up about it. We're here for ya, kid."
The brunette shook her head and grabbed almost desperately at the collar of Nicky's t-shirt. Her bewildered eyes seared into the empathy-filled ones of her girlfriend's. "I—the words, they-they don't—I can't make them come out, Nicky. Please help me. If I—If I talk about it, I'll cry and I—I don't wanna cry," she said in a lower voice so that only Nicky was able to hear.
Tilting her head, Nicky returned her gaze with soft eyes. A frown rapidly formed from the corners of her lips as she leaned her forehead lovingly over Lorna's. Lips stroked comfortingly atop the tip of the younger teen's nose. Hearing Lorna say that pulled heavily on her heartstrings. She could see the tears that lined the bottom of her eyelids, threatening to spill out at any moment but being sucked in by the quite evidently distressed brunette.
"But, baby, you're allowed to cry," the words softly made their way from Nicky's mouth that was still resting warmly atop the same spot on her girlfriend's nose. Her fingertips caressed delicately along the length of her cheeks. "Crying isn't a bad thing, Lorna. It's good to cry and feel your emotions—you've been keeping them in for so long and I don't think that's healthy for you." She averted her stare over to Red, "Right ma? It's not healthy to keep in your emotions, is it?"
Red shook her head profusely in response to her surrogate daughter's inquiry. She knew far too well just how negatively impactful retaining her emotions were for her mental health all those years earlier. One of the many reasons her husband was now her ex. And for a teenage girl like Lorna who was still not even close to being emotionally, mentally, nor physically matured the impact of refusing to work through her feelings would only prove to be even more detrimental for her health.
"No, my Nicky, keeping your emotions all inside isn't healthy for any person. But at your age, it'll only ware on your well-being even more because you girls are still not even fully matured. You're young teenage girls who already don't have the capability to think rationally and logically about things that are happening around you right now. So for you, Lorna, to not allow yourself to properly grieve for your mom—that will only stunt your mental and emotional health even further. You don't want that do you, honey? I know right now you probably don't care to listen to what an old hag like me has to say—believe me; when I was your age, I refused to listen to anyone who didn't agree with me either but I only say this because it's the truth and I don't want to see you suffer. Either a you; you're both my girls."
Mrs. Reznikov took a moment to catch her breath from letting all those words slip out without even remembering to breathe throughout the spiel. She grabbed for her cup of tea with her one free hand and sipped it to quench her parched mouth. After, her focus went right back onto both Lorna and Nicky. "Lorna, is this recent that your mom passed? I mean I certainly don't ever remember hearing you talk about your mom before but I also never asked since it wasn't my business. But now that I think about it, I find it odd that you never brought her up before. What happened to her? If you don't mind me asking that is."
Nicky looked at Lorna, waiting to see her reaction. Yet the expression on her face remained blank. The girl still did her hardest to hold back those tears that clearly wanted to fall. It broke Nicky's heart to see how hard she was holding onto the emotions. She felt her breath hitch somewhat in her throat.
"Ya don't have to keep up with that brave front, ya know? You're a human being just like ma and me, doll—and us human beings have these things called emotions for a reason. You can let them out," her voice huskily reassured the shorter teen. A frown was molded onto her face as she peered down at Lorna. Nothing formed an ache in her chest quite as much as seeing the girl she loved silently suffering like she so clearly was in this particular moment.
The encouragement, despite coming from a place of love and concern, only furthered the anguish that seemed to be heavily weighing on Lorna's heart. Part of her was yearning to give in and share everything with both ladies. The other part, however, was convinced that revealing what the two were asking of her would only burden them in the grand scheme of things. And burdening the people she cared about was not something she took lightly, not at all.
Instead, she averted her eyes from both of them and focused her vision on the teacup that sat on the wooden surface directly in front of her. The liquid was only half remaining, sloshing slowly back and forth around the mug. A sigh puffed its way from her windpipe. She loathed how much she truly, utterly, hated herself sometimes. It made opening up to anyone other than her sister quite the chore. Which only caused more agony for everyone involved, she mentally acknowledged. She wanted to open up to Nicky and Red but the thought of burdening them was almost overbearing. Enough to stop her from even opening her mouth.
A grave sigh escaped Nicky when she realized her girlfriend wasn't going to budge on the matter. Though her hands ran through thick strands of brown hair, her eyes gazed straight ahead into the dimming light right above the kitchen sink. Lorna really was the absolute most stubborn person she'd ever met. Even more stubborn than herself, which was crazy to her because she always deemed herself as the stubbornest person alive. Her head shook objectionably at such thought. Lorna's hard-headed nature would only continue to hurt her the longer she refused to accept any of their help.
The light above the sink flickered and inadvertently caused Nicky to refocus her attention on Lorna once more. Removing her hands from her hair, she cupped them on either side of Lorna's face. "Lorna, this isn't good for ya. Keeping it all inside won't make it go away. I know ya don't like talking about things that make ya feel emotional but the more you refuse the bigger the hole you'll be in, doll. I just—I want to help you through this and I think ma could really help too if ya just open up a little, yeah?"
Red observed the two with a somber expression melded on her face. Grief was a very intimate—very personal—thing that those who were suffering through dealt with in their own ways. At least that was something she learned through her own experience with grief. It tore at her for many years after the fact. The grief tore her family apart, caused so much stress and strain on the relationship between she and her husband that the only way they could move past it was to file for a divorce.
Grief wasn't something to be taken lightly or ignored. She knew that firsthand. For months she chose to go down the path of disregarding her own grief and that likely was the cause for why things between she and her ex turned sour. Why their family went from being tight-knit to now barely seeing her three sons other than around the holiday season. It still hadn't been a topic that she brought up with anyone outside of her family. Even years after the fact, Red struggled to come to terms with the loss they all endured that fateful day.
Though, now, as she sat in her kitchen with her surrogate daughter and her friend, and became aware of the grief that the younger of the two was currently going through, she sensed this was a time when touching on that subject would be of benefit to Lorna's own situation. Maybe hearing from someone who'd been through a similar experience might help Lorna reflect on what she truly was feeling right now. It was worth a try, at least, Red silently prompted herself.
After taking one last sip of her tea, Red finally found the strength within herself to speak. Her blue eyes peered back and forth between the two girls across from her. "I know what it's like to deal with grief, Lorna," she carefully started, moistening her lips with her tongue. Not just to rid them of the dryness but to also distract herself from the building emotions.
"This isn't something I talk about with anyone." A second pause was taken. Red swallowed, her throat suddenly growing tight. She forgot how hard it was to discuss the grief of her own loss. It was so long since the incident originally happened that she nearly lost recollection of just how much it hurt to bring it up again. "I never thought I would share this with you girls, but I think you hearing this, Lorna, could really be of benefit."
Clearing her throat, Red took another pause when she felt the tears forming in the bottom of her eyelids. She sighed and convinced herself not to hold them in. Hoping that if Lorna saw her freely allowing herself to cry then it would make her realize it was okay for her to do so as well. "Seventeen years ago I gave birth to a daughter," the revelation reared its way out.
Saying it aloud was enough to force the tears to spill over along the length of her cheeks. She felt herself slightly grimace at the sensation. "I was already a mom to three boys so I was more than excited to finally have a little girl. We had everything ready for her, I spent the entire month before she was born setting up her nursery and making sure every last inch of that damn wall was painted in fuchsia pink." She swallowed thickly, the tears falling even faster now.
"She was born and we had her with us for a measly year before she passed away from cancer. At her six month checkup was when the doctor noticed a swelling around her neck. A week later she was diagnosed with terminal lymphoma. The last half of her life she was in and out of the hospital. She may have lived a year but that poor baby only had six months of life that wasn't spent in agonizing pain. Cancer is something I wouldn't even wish on my worst enemy."
Tears blurred her vision now. She shook her head at the horrid memory. The mention of her late daughter left a bitter taste in her mouth. No matter how much time passed, she knew she would never truly heal from losing one of her own children. Would never truly be able to fully come to terms with her baby daughter's death. In her eyes, there was nothing worse than suffering through the loss of a child—a baby at that. And because of something as horrific as cancer? Her body shuddered at the horrific remembrance. Cancer wasn't an illness that anyone deserved to have let alone a baby. A baby who didn't even get to experience any of the joys of life.
Such a disclosure came as quite the shock to Nicky. To see the tears freely falling from her surrogate mother's blue eyes, oh, how that caused a deep knot to form in the pit of her stomach. Red was the strongest woman Nicky knew and watching her breakdown like she was now, that ripped her heart more than she ever thought possible. Without even an ounce of hesitation, Nicky jumped up from her seat and frisked her way to the older woman's side. Her arms were thrown tightly around Mrs. Reznikov's neck. She only wished that the embrace would ease away all of the Russian's sorrow.
"Oh, ma, I'm so sorry. That's, that's so awful ya went through something like that," Nicky softly whispered, resting her head gently on Red's shoulder. She turned her head just enough to be able to easily press her lips comfortingly against the flesh of her surrogate mother's dampened cheek. Her thumb touched where her lips previously had and wiped the tears lovingly away with it. To see either Red or Lorna in any amount of pain hurt Nicky more than anything else had the ability to.
On the other side of the table, Lorna watched the interaction between the two of them with attentive eyes. She felt her heart automatically sink at the mention of Red's losing her daughter. Especially when it was due to cancer, the very same disease that killed her own mother. Cancer truly was the most evil disease known to humankind, she deemed. Her body instinctively shuddered at the word cancer. There truly, in her mind, was absolutely nothing worse than cancer. Cancer needed to be abolished not only from the dictionary but from the entire planet. She'd do anything to make that actually happen. Because it was quite apparent from anyone she talked to recently that they, too, lost their loved ones from cancer. It was always cancer that killed people. Why wasn't cancer in prison already? Murderers were always thrown into prison and cancer was obviously a serial killer. Therefore the only place for cancer was behind bars like all the other killers.
Coming out of her thoughts, she swallowed the lump that had settled into her throat and held her gaze straight ahead. Suddenly, Lorna felt paralyzed as she sat in her chair. Why did every death she hear about have to be caused by the godforsaken cancer? The word alone had the capability of making her skin crawl. A breath of air tumbled out of her as she looked between Nicky and Red. No wonder Red had seemed so obstinate on getting her to discuss the passing of her mother—she had clearly suffered through her own bout of grief by losing her child. Though hearing the revelation formed a pang in her chest for the older woman, it wasn't enough to convince her to speak any further on the matter of her mom. It still hadn't felt like the right time. Or the best time. Another sigh pushed through. In the wise words of her older sister, there would never be a best time for her to ever be open about anything.
Yet, as she examined Mrs. Reznikov—who was letting herself fall apart at the horrendous recollection of having watched her own daughter, a baby, suffer through the agonizing pain of cancer and eventually die from that, Lorna couldn't resist from admiring the strength it must have taken her to be able to do that. Red was probably one of the strongest people she knew, right next to her older sister. Though Red was strong and now sat rightfully blubbering after sharing something heavily personal to her, Lorna couldn't find it within herself to display that same amount of strength. In her mind, Red was worthy of having people provide her with comfort—a hundred times more-so over her own self. She rationalized that it was perfectly okay for the middle-aged woman to break down because clearly, she was a good person with a good heart. On the other hand, she deemed herself unworthy of having that same right to allow her emotions to show themselves in the same way Red was doing as she certainly didn't find her own self to be a good person. Therefore she deserved no sympathy or affection from any of the people she cared about.
Pushing herself out of her mind, Lorna cautiously—shakily even—reached a hand across the table to place comfortingly over Red's hand that rested atop the wooden surface. "I—I am so sorry you lost your baby, Red. That's real terrible," her voice mumbled softly, almost inaudible. A breath of air forced itself from her lungs.
Red finally felt her cries subside and ease into faint sniffling. One arm wrapped securely around Nicky's back and the hand that had Lorna's covering over it, she squeezed it with the same amount of tightness that her arm held around the redhead beside her. The two girls' gentle actions naturally caused her heart to swell with a motherly love for the both of them. "Thank you, girls, you're both too sweet," she graciously found the words to speak, her voice slightly hoarse from all the crying.
She gave each of them one last comforting squeeze before getting up from her chair to grab a tissue off the kitchen countertop. Wiping her cheeks and nose, she breathed in a slow breath and peered gently between the teens. "It feels better to talk about the incident. I don't enjoy doing that, Lorna, and I'm sure you don't either but trust me when I say that opening up, even a little, helps with some of the pain. It took me a lot of time to come to terms with the grief but when I did, I felt a release of pressure."
Lorna nodded attentively. A release of the pressure would certainly be nice, she thought. Yet, having her inner-self constantly reminding her what a burden that would cause for those on the receiving end was always sufficient to silence her. She just couldn't fathom the idea of being the culprit of other's stresses. But it wouldn't hurt to at least only mention that cancer was the reason for Mrs. Morello's death, too, would it?
"Uh, my mom…erm, she uh she had cancer, too. When I was twelve—that was when, uh, when my sista told me. My mom had cancer. She had fucking cancer. Cancer is the reason I don't have a mom anymore."
Chapter 47
Notes:
To make up for the poorly written past couple of chapters, I've included some more semi smutty parts in this one (plus into the beginning of the next chapter). My writing muse is regaining itself still and I actually felt highly motivated while writing this chapter as well as half of the next one. It feels so good to enjoy writing once again!
Chapter Text
Chapter Forty-Six
The second such words escaped from Lorna's mouth regret instantly overpowered her. Her hands rapidly made their way up to cover over her lips. Guilt formed a rather sharp lump in the pit of her stomach. She knew even just saying what she said wasn't going to do anything but cause her to feel an overwhelming amount of guilt and shame. And that was exactly how she felt now, slouching back in her seat and peering straight ahead into the shining light right above the sink.
Nicky's breath hitched in her throat to hear what just came out from between Lorna's teeth. It didn't take much for her to notice the exhaustion that made up her voice as she spoke those words. She tilted her head, looking softly across at her girlfriend and lifting both of her hands out in front of herself to place gently atop either side of Lorna's shoulders. The tips of her fingers stroked the cloth that covered her shoulders side-to-side for several quiet moments as she formulated what to respond with.
"My doll," she softly muttered out, eyes gazing warmly and directly into the brown eyes of her lover.
Her fingers continued the soothing motion along the width of Lorna's fully clad shoulders. As she kept her eyes focused on those of her girlfriend's, she was effortlessly able to make out the pain and agony that so blatantly filled them. Swallowing a large gob of saliva that formed in her mouth, Nicky massaged her fingers affectionately into the flesh of Lorna's shoulders as best as she could through the cotton sleeves that covered them. How she longed for the comfort to be enough to take every last ounce of the brunette's pain away.
A puff of air expelled from her lungs when she came to the realization that no matter how much comfort or love she gave to Lorna that none of it would magically heal her. The only proper way for Lorna to heal was to allow herself to go through the grief—to feel the pain, to shed all of the tears that so desperately wanted to come out. Yet those were all things, that in Nicky's eyes, Lorna apparently wasn't ready to commit to. And that only made her desire to be there for her stronger.
"I'm so sorry, Lorna. So, so, sorry," Nicky's voice hushed tenderly; the only words she could get to come out. Honestly, she had no idea what she could say to make any of it easier on her girlfriend. All she could truly do was reassure her that she wasn't going anywhere—that she loved her more than anything and would always be there by her side.
Red reemerged from the counter where she'd been cleaning off her face and stood halfway between both girls. She placed a gentle hand on one of Lorna's cheeks, patting it in a motherly manner. "Cancer is absolutely horrible. I'm so sorry that's what took your mom from you, honey. There's nothing harder to watch than watching someone you love have to suffer through an illness like cancer. I sure hope they find a cure for it one day. It needs to be eradicated, that's for damn sure."
Though Lorna wanted to walk to school that morning, both Nicky and Mrs. Reznikov refused to let her do so. With it being over two miles away and still at the wit-ends of a very freezing cold wintery morning. Surely, walking in that kind of weather would only end in Lorna's coming down with some sort of illness or another. And despite the contempt she had for taking up space in the car, she gradually came to the agreeance that she couldn't afford to get sick and miss out on school. Her grades were suffering enough already—she wasn't about to allow them to slip even further by being careless with her health.
The drive wasn't extensive. By the time they pulled into the high school's parking lot, the sun was before now up over the horizon and pouring through the windows of the vehicle. Blinding all three of them quite profusely. The temperature on the dashboard in front of Red, from the squint of Lorna's eyes, read as a meagre thirty degrees. Even only seeing the low number brought a shudder out of her. She pulled the zipper of her coat all the way up to right below her neck as if that would keep her from feeling any of the cold air the second she opened the car door.
Not surprisingly the next minute, when she swung the door open, the winter air smacked itself right in her face and immediately brought a shiver out of her. God how she hated the winter months. Despite it being almost April, the tail end of winter seemed to be holding on for dear life. Lorna craved the warm spring sun more than anything that morning while she exited out of Red's car. She hugged her arms to her side to conserve as much of her body's heat as she possibly could.
She followed rather speedily behind the school nurse, wanting to get in that damn building before she lost all feeling of any of her extremities. The wind was running ramped for a very late March morning. Each time it blew over her she felt her legs tremor from the freezing temperature. An arm encircled around her waist and she turned her head in its direction. A small smile naturally formed from the corner of her lips to see the culprit of the warm gesture was Nicky. She simply wormed herself closer, relishing in the heat Nicky's body provided.
Feeling Lorna nuzzle closer, a smile found its way onto Nicky's face as well. One that matched the brunette's. She pulled her closer and rubbed the hand that was touching her back softly up and down the length of it. It wasn't hard for her to clearly see how cold her girlfriend was the minute they stepped out of the car only moments earlier. And Nicky would be damned if she ever willingly allowed the girl she loved to freeze in such weather as this.
It wasn't too much longer before they made it through the front doors and were halfway down the hall in direction of their lockers. Red had previously departed the two of them to head to her office. Lorna slightly dragged behind Nicky. The minute she entered inside the school, what little happiness she felt—which was minimal given the circumstances—dissipated rapidly. She was in no mood to deal with the likes of Annalisa today. And even more so to have Nicky at all find out about Annalisa's incessant bullying.
As the pair of them approached their lockers, Lorna quickly retrieved her books from inside of her own. She inwardly prayed that Annalisa wasn't anywhere in sight of them. After yesterday's gym locker room squabble, she hadn't the energy or stamina to put up with her antics for another frustrating morning. She closed her locker shut and turned around to wait for Nicky, who was just now putting in her combination to open her own.
"This is why I don't wake up in the middle of the night," the redhead made a light-hearted remark, finally getting the door of her locker to open and reaching her hands inside for her morning class books. Reclosing it a second later, she turned to gaze over at Lorna and cupped a loving hand around a porcelain cheek. "My brain is not working well this morning, nearly tripped up on the numbers for my combination."
Looking her over methodically, the younger teen felt a pang meld into her chest. Despite Nicky's words only being meant in a light-hearted manner, Lorna knew they were only the truth. It was her fault that Nicky didn't have a good night's rest. Same with Mrs. Reznikov, she reminded herself. A sigh escaped her at the thoughts. If she would only have been quieter with her movements maybe their waking's could have been prevented.
"I'm sorry, hon."
Lorna cupped her own hand delicately around Nicky's cheek and brushed the tops of her knuckles around it in a circular motion. Without a single thought, she leaned forward and pressed her lips onto the spot where her knuckles had just stroked around. There was no one else on this planet who could ever capture her heart in the way that Nicky so effortlessly had.
"Sorry? Lorna don't be. You have nothing ya needa apologize for," the reassuring words easily spilled out from Nicky's mouth as she returned the kiss onto the brunette's cheek.
Their eyes locked together and Nicky observed the subtle guilt that appeared to reside within the shorter teen's. The sight instantly formed a lump in her gut. She stopped from walking and took both of Lorna's cheeks in her hands. They stroked palm-faced down against the pale flesh they framed over. "Please don't feel guilty over last night," her voice softly pleaded, breath warm atop the other's face. "I'm just glad ma and I were able to be there for ya. You need to let us help more, my sweet Lorna."
In spite of the sincerity and compassion that came from the heartfelt words that Nicky spoke to her, Lorna couldn't help but feel guilty for the events of the prior night—or rather very early morning. The more she let her mind wander the more she realized it wasn't only last night's events she felt guilty over but the last several days as well. So much happened and poor Nicky was dragged into the bulk of it. She didn't ask to be. She didn't ask to be dragged into any of those things and yet she was and that was what really bothered Lorna over anything else. One of the multiple reasons why she never wanted for Nicky to find out the truth of her mother or father's abuse. Because she sensed earlier on that something similar to this would eventually have happened.
"Lorna, kid?"
And that was when Lorna became aware she was so far in her mind that she hadn't been paying attention to where she was walking. Within a matter of seconds she found herself colliding into a rather large pillar that she never even knew existed before then. The collision immediately caused a sharp ache to form in the middle of her forehead. She innately lifted a hand up to place on it, rubbing it fervently to stop the pain.
"Shit," Lorna mumbled. "When the hell did that get here?" She pointed to the lengthy, beige-bricked, post that took up space in the middle of the hallway. Her eyes averted over to Nicky, who clearly watched her in concern, and broke into a fit of giggles at her own mishap. She shook her head at the stupidity she just displayed by walking right into the damn thing and only laughed harder. "I mean it, hon. I've never seen that pole there before. Have you?"
The laughter was certainly infectious and it hadn't been long before Nicky found herself joining in on the fit of them. Both girls only laughed harder and slid to their knees on the ground right in front of the very post that caused their laughing fit to begin with. When they finally stopped and caught their breath, Nicky leaned her head over onto Lorna's and pressed her cheek against hers. "No, kid, I don't think I've ever noticed this post before either. I don't really pay much attention to the architecture of the school, do you?"
Another couple of giggles burst their way from the younger teen's windpipe. She shook her head and nuzzled closer to the older girl. Her arms instinctively engulfed themselves around Nicky's shoulders. "Clearly I don't pay attention to a lotta things, hon. I mean I literally just walked straight into the damn thing."
"That you did. And ya know what's funnier? You're not even straight, babe," Nicky couldn't resist from making that comment with a warm, husky, chuckle to follow.
A chuckle made its way up out of Lorna's windpipe as well from the light-hearted joke her girlfriend had made. She placed a gentle hand over Nicky's shoulder to help gain her balance from all the laughing and snickering the two had done in the last few minutes that passed by. While she grasped onto the older teen, her eyes looked her over in a precise manner and the urge to smash their lips together merely overpowered her entire being.
Everything else around her faded far into the back of her mind. She reached both of her hands up and lovingly framed them around either side of Nicky's face. Inching closer, Lorna's lips lightly touched over Nicky's and once their foreheads were pressed together, the light touching of their lips morphed into a tender kiss. The temptation to deepen it was intense, however, the fact they were on the floor in the middle of one of the many school hallways was enough to keep her from acting on that impulse.
Instead, she moved their lips in another soft, short, kiss before very gradually pulling away. Despite their lips no longer brushing together, Lorna's hands remained framed around Nicky's cheeks—palms caressing up along the flesh. Both sets of brown eyes peered at the same spot on each other's faces. "I wish we didn't have to go to class—I could kiss ya all day," her voice murmured, breath hot overtop of the older girl's mouth.
With a tingling sensation starting in the very tips of her fingers and making its way throughout the entirety of her body, Nicky was taken aback by Lorna's boldness being displayed out in the open without much hesitation. A good taken aback that was. The tingling only intensified as their eyes locked together once more. She reached a hand up to gently place on the flesh of Lorna's forehead and combed the tips of her fingers gently along the width of it.
"Yeah? Well, who says we can't skip class and go get a little frisky in one of bathroom stalls?" A playful smirk molded onto Nicky's face as she threw out her suggestion. She gave a spirited wink to go along with it.
The idea was heavily tempting to Lorna. And had she not already been struggling in almost all of her classes, she would have easily agreed to the offer. However, she knew it was in her best interest to refrain herself from taking part in such an activity. A deep breath inhaled through her airway and down into her lungs; she smashed her lips over Nicky's one last time before finally releasing her grasp on her completely.
Though her eyes retained their gaze onto the taller teen's—peering into them with an immense wave of affection. "There's nothin' I'd like to do more, hon," her voice softly started; a hand brushing away the many strands of hair that fell over Nicky's eyes. "But I can't really afford to skip any classes right now. My grades are already shit, I don't want them to get any worse and end up being forced to repeat the school year."
Letting out a sigh, Nicky gave a reluctant nod in response. Despite the slight disappointment that loomed over her, she found Lorna's reasoning to be sufficient. She wouldn't force the suggestion on her knowing that it would only cause detrimental repercussions for her. Something she certainly didn't want to happen. Lorna already had enough on her plate, she acknowledged, she wasn't about to add anything else to it by her own lustful offer.
"How about at lunch time then? Does that work for ya, kid? We can meet in one of the girls' bathrooms and have a little alone time," the words slipped nonchalantly from her mouth albeit the warmth that rushed through her bloodstream and all the way into her extremities. She ran a hand down along the length of Lorna's body in a rather sensual manner.
Lorna swallowed a gulp at the offer. Her cheeks instantly turned a deep shade of pink, growing hotter by the second. Yet, even though she felt fairly frazzled, she nodded her head quite enthusiastically. It was a good compromise to Nicky's earlier proposal, she believed. At least she wouldn't be missing out on any important work and lunch was her most dreaded time of day, anyway, so a little sexcapades in the girl's room sounded like absolute heaven to her.
"Yes, sign me up." The comment slithered out easily and with a small laugh accompanying it right after. Lorna quickly covered her hands over her mouth when she realized the response that she had given. The shade of pink deepened further.
Her girlfriend's continuous display of boldness was making Nicky's quest to push away her lust even more of a challenge. The blushing of Lorna's porcelain-toned cheeks was highly endearing to her big brown eyes. Only strengthening her urge to take her right then and there against a wall and have her way with her. She swallowed uneasily when she acknowledged the vision she just had play through her mind. And, as if she hadn't already felt consumed with lust, the sensation of her panties suddenly becoming soaked caught her off-guard.
The unexpected silence came as a surprise to Lorna. Maybe the response she'd given was a bit too forward, she prompted herself. Concern took up form on her face while her eyes peered fiercely onto her girlfriend's demeanor. "Are ya okay, hon?" She brought a hand up and placed it onto the top of Nicky's head, combing it softly through her thick red curls of hair.
Plastering a smile on her face, Nicky shook herself out of her thoughts and refocused her attention on the brunette across from her. She nodded her head more profusely than she had planned, cupping a hand lovingly around one of Lorna's cheeks and leaning forward to allow their lips to stroke over one another's. "Sure am, doll. Just, uh, can't wait for lunch to get here. I want more time with you."
"Aw, hon," Lorna murmured while their lips remained mere centimeters apart. "Lunch will be here before ya know it. We only have a few hours and then we can sneak away to one a the bathrooms." She threw her an excitable wink along with another kiss on the lips before they mutually pulled away and decided it was best they both headed to class before either of them gave into their lusting hearts.
Albeit her comment she mentioned to Nicky before their parting ways for the morning, once she sat down in her first period class, she realized how far from the truth her words truly were. Lunch seemed so far away. Impossibly far away as her eyes darted onto the clock in the front of the room, displaying that it was only half past eight. Three hours was certainly not going to fly by as she previously assured Nicky of. An exasperated breath of air puffed its way from her lungs.
Mrs. Bell stood in the front of the class writing some chicken scratch on the board, Lorna wasn't entirely sure since her eyes refused to pay attention to any of it. Words were spewing from her mouth as well but again, she couldn't quite make out what they were nor did she really care to. Her awareness was more on when she would finally be reunited with Nicky after their third period classes ended.
However, the sound of desks squealing against the tiled floor shook Lorna out of her daydream and back into reality. Her eyes squinted through their lids as she searched around the area to see what was going on. Everyone, aside from her, was moving their desks into small groups of two to three students which must have been what was requested of them by Mrs. Bell. That was probably what was coming out of her mouth when Lorna had her mind elsewhere.
Lorna suddenly felt uncomfortable and panicked as she pondered on who she was partnered or grouped up with. She took her cheeks in her hands and hoped to God that whoever she was forced to work with wasn't—a desk merely slammed into her own, interjecting her train of thought rather quickly, and when her eyes landed on Annalisa everything inside of her froze.
"Bet ya didn't expect Mrs. Bell to make us partners, huh?"
The question spewed out of the blonde in a highly taunting tone. One that easily made Lorna shudder in her seat. She removed her hands from her face and placed them on either side of her desk, moving it slightly back away from Annalisa. The girl was way too close for comfort. A lump melded into the pit of her stomach and the rate of her heartbeat gradually increased in pace.
"Partners? For what? What are we supposed to be doing?" Lorna sucked in her lower lip, peering unnervingly ahead into the blonde's menacing blue eyes. Not paying attention always brought with it natural consequences, the realization slowly dawned on her. Now, she was stuck with her bully as her teacher appointed partner for whatever they had been assigned to do.
Her cluelessness effortlessly formed a smirk on Annalisa's face, who scooted her desk closer the second she observed the other retreat backwards. Setting a stack of papers harshly onto the surface in front of the brunette, she gestured her hands down on it as if it were the most obvious thing. "This, the stupid assignment Mrs. Bell was just flapping her jaws about. The hell? Little miss Lorna wasn't paying attention? Hmm, not surprised. Ya never do, no wonder you're failing," she chuckled, eyes fiercely peering directly into the brown ones across from her.
Hearing the remark instantly caused an alarming amount of saliva to build up underneath her tongue. Lorna swallowed uncomfortably and moved herself farther back, wanting to put as much distance between she and Annalisa as possible. "How would you know if I'm failing or not? D'ya stalk my grades or something?"
"Ya have some real nerve to use that kinda tone with me, Morello. The fuck do ya think you are?"
Before Lorna could muster up a response, however, Mrs. Bell approached the pair of them. Standing to the side of Lorna's desk, hands both covering a hip, she peered through the lenses of her glasses down on both teens. "I wanna hear less jibber jabbering and see more working, ladies. This project is worth twenty percent of your grade so you better be getting focused," she sternly informed them, eyeing Lorna with an all-knowing look. As if telepathically prompting her that she needed to worry.
This project is worth twenty percent of your grade. Twenty percent. The teacher's last comment repeated several times throughout Lorna's mind. A lump was swallowed down to her throat and her heart-rate automatically began climbing. Not only did she have to make sure she did well on this project but she also had to work on it with her fucking bully. Oh, god, did she feel vastly queasy at the thought. Like things in her life hadn't already been fucked up, Mrs. Bell just had to throw even more fucked up shit at her. All color drained from her face and the palms of her hands grew incessantly sweaty.
"What, what exactly do we have to do for this project?" The query came out in a shakier voice than Lorna had imagined. She bit down on her lower lip, eyes glancing nervously up at the science teacher. Her throat suddenly felt much tighter than usual, she knew she was on a tight rope with Mrs. Bell and that twenty percent could be her lifeline on whether she repeated the ninth grade or not.
Shaking her head out of frustration, the older woman pointed to the board in the front of the room. "Well, Lorna, if you had been paying attention, you would know that you and your partner have to pick a topic from the ones I wrote up there and create a PowerPoint presentation on it. You both will need to write your own two page, double-spaced, reflection paper on what you learned from your research."
Her eyes quickly shifted onto the topics written on the board and momentarily squeezed her eyes shut after finding cancer was one of them. Lord help her, she thought; Annalisa knew she had a bad rap with cancer and, more-than-likely, had her heart set on choosing that for their topic out of the unrelenting spite she had for Lorna.
"When, erm, when is it due by?"
A sigh made its way out from Mrs. Bell as she shook her head for a second time. If Lorna wanted to pass her course, she wasn't showing that by asking questions she'd already given answers to just minutes earlier. Her patience was wearing thin. "It's due by the end of the week next week. You better start paying closer attention if you wanna pass this class, Lorna."
Once the teacher was on to another pair of students, Annalisa refocused her gaze on the brunette and easily allowed a smirk to take up form on her face. "I already chose our topic since you weren't even listening, Morello. And we're doing cancer because I know just how much you love cancer," her voice emphasized the word love in a highly sing-song fashion. The look on Lorna's face only made the smirk on her own grow wider and confirmed that she had made the right decision by picking cancer as the topic for their project.
The bell for lunch finally rang through the walls and Lorna couldn't be more grateful for that. She jolted out of her seat and frisked her way out of the classroom down the hall until she arrived at her locker all the way at the end of it. Once she switched out her books, she turned to walk back along the other side and stopped when she caught sight of Nicky a few feet ahead. A smile quickly molded onto her face as she carefully approached her beloved girlfriend.
Wrapping her arms gently around the taller girl from behind, Lorna's lips naturally found their way onto the top of her head and pressed down on it in an affectionate kiss. "It's been a long morning, hon," she murmured, breath warm against the same spot she had pecked her lips on only seconds prior. "I've been looking forward to lunch time ever since we left for class earlier. I just wanna be locked in one a the stalls with ya and not think about anything else for a long, long time."
The sensation of the younger teen's arms around her instantly caused Nicky to turn around and smash their lips together in a needy kiss. Before things heated up further, though, she pulled away and took hold of Lorna's hand—gently yanking her along down the hall until they came across one of the girls' bathrooms. She opened the door for the pair of them to enter through and they hurriedly pushed their way over to the biggest stall on the other end of the room with Nicky clicking the lock so that no one else could open it.
Without a word, Nicky lovingly constrained Lorna up against the metal of the stall behind her and crashed their lips into a fervent kiss. Her hands found their way onto Lorna's pale cheeks, rubbing them up and down along its flesh all the while strengthening the hot contact between their lips. She easily slipped her tongue inside of the brunette's mouth and the kiss gradually morphed into an even more heated make-out session.
Both of their bodies pressed up to one another's as their hands moved at god-like-speed along each other's faces and upper bodies. Tongues touched together while lips hotly stroked over and over until they both had no choice but to pull away for a breath of air. Nicky retained her loving grasp on Lorna's shoulders, keeping her held up against the wall of the stall. Her mouth was slightly agape, panting as she tried to regain control of her breathing once more.
"God, Lorna, you're so, so," Nicky's lips were mere centimeters from Lorna's, breath warmly trickling over them as she hotly murmured her words. She took one of her hands and cupped it behind the back of her girlfriend's head, "fucking beautiful." A finger traced delicately along the flesh of Lorna's cheek, drawing small hearts all around it. She leaned their foreheads directly onto one another's and moved her finger up to affectionately brush loose strands of brown hair away from the shorter girl's eyes. "I want ya so bad, kid."
Her lips moved to one of Lorna's ears, pressing gently against the rim of it. She cupped a hand around the edge of the same ear and purred, "You have no idea how wet I am down there right now."
Goosebumps lined the tops of Lorna's arms and legs at the words being murmured into her ear. A lump was swallowed down through her esophagus. She lifted her hands up and framed them lovingly around Nicky's face, letting her lips peck softly onto the corner of her mouth. Her nose pressed against Nicky's and she allowed them to naturally rub together. "I think I might have a pretty good feeling," she whispered breathily over the spot she had just kissed.
The words were nothing short of the truth. It wasn't until Nicky made her comment that Lorna became aware of how soaked her own panties were. They felt rather warm and sticky—a sensation she hadn't been used to but also didn't come across as uncomfortable or anything of a negative nature. In fact, Lorna found it rather soothing and craved further intimacy with Nicky.
"I'm wet, too, hon."
That was all it took for Nicky to stop from restraining herself. She removed the hand she had around Lorna's ear and rehomed it down at the waistband of her pants, slowly sliding it inside of them. The stall shook from her movements and it wasn't long before the two of them heard the clearing of a throat on the other side of it. Immediately such sound halted Nicky's actions.
"If ya'll wanna be all erotic in here, that's fine, but at least wait until I leave the room. I gotta mop these floors," the school janitor's voice boomed through the walls, the wheels of her cleaning cart screeching against the floor as she pushed it to the other side of the girls' bathroom.
Chapter 48
Notes:
Just wanted to take a minute to thank everyone who's chosen to read this story of mine, I appreciate that beyond words. I really only write these stories to appease my own heart and soul, so, to see that there are other people interested enough to read what I write means more to me than anything. Anyway, I hope whoever is reading this is having a great Labor Day weekend!
Chapter Text
Chapter Forty-Seven
Both girls froze in their places as they waited for Miss Warren to finish her task. Each covered their mouths to retain themselves from breaking into laughter at all that had occurred seconds prior. It seemed like an eternity had passed before the sound of the door swinging shut finally sounded through their ears when in reality, it was only a matter of minutes. Now that they were alone once more, both uncovered their mouths and allowed the laughs to come pouring out. Almost as if they were part of a Tsunami.
Nicky shook her head while refocusing her eyes directly ahead of her onto Lorna's face. She placed a hand on her cheek and caressed the palm of it delicately around the soft flesh underneath it. Heat radiated from her own cheeks, she brought her other hand right back to where it was before the interjection and slipped it slowly inside of Lorna's jeans. Gradually her hand made its way to the rim of her panties and gently began moving back and forth around her vaginal area, slowly and with the utmost tenderness.
The tips of her fingers circled around the outside of it for several seconds and she felt her heart burst when a whimper escaped through Lorna's windpipe. Whether that whimper was voluntary or not didn't come across in Nicky's mind. Her focus remained on making the petite woman next to her come in the most glorious way that she possibly could.
Three of her fingers entered through the opening of Lorna's vagina, stroking all along the inside of it with the softest of touches.
Lorna squeezed her eyes shut from the bubbling sensation of pleasure that slowly started to overpower her. All thoughts from her mind rapidly flooded away—even the ones prompting her how bad of an idea it was to allow Nicky to touch her; her mind became occupied with only what was happening presently.
While her fingers kept up with their magic touching and stroking, Nicky's lips found their way back onto those of her girlfriend's. She used her free hand to cup around the back of her head and naturally deepened the kiss. Feeling Lorna's body very faintly tremoring against her own formed a smirk on her face. She put her attention back on her fingers that remained inserted up inside of Lorna's vagina. With tenderness and gradual movements, Nicky pushed her fingers further inside. She stroked up and down around the top part of her vulva, then in a circular pattern. Her eyes gazed intently up on Lorna's face and the smirk on her own intensified to observe the clear pleasure that resided on the other's.
"Mmmy god, Nnnicky," the words fumbled together and shook from Lorna's mouth as she said them aloud. Her vagina sat in a mixture of fluids within her panties. The stroking of Nicky's fingers inside of it easily had her back slightly arch upwards. She reached her hands forward, grabbing fistfuls of the older girl's t-shirt. The only thing that was able to steady her.
"Hmm, ya like it yeah kid?" Nicky huskily asked, dousing her face in a truckload of kisses. The nod she received in response only fastened the pace at which her fingers caressed inside of her vagina. She leaned her forehead closer so that it was resting right onto Lorna's. Lips touched gently onto the corner of her girlfriend's, nibbling very delicately over them. "Don't you worry, babe, I'll make sure to keep you feeling good." Her voice all but purred against the skin that her mouth rested tenderly over. And she meant every word—she'd do anything she could to make her girlfriend feel like she was floating on a cloud.
Her body arched even higher when the sensation finally peaked. "Ahh," her voice involuntary squealed out. Lorna tightened her hands on the cloth of Nicky's shoulders. The orgasm engulfed her entire body and all she could do to stop herself from falling to the floor was grip onto the person who was the culprit of such an overwhelming feeling. "Nnnicky." The name came out of her mouth like a cat prowling after its prey with sheer excitement.
Nicky took the moaning as encouragement to explore even further up her vaginal canal, moving away from the beginning of the vulva and into the clitoris where Lorna's flesh was blatantly pulsing against the tips of her fingers. As if Lorna's heart was no longer inside her chest but now within her clit. Her eyes momentarily peeped up onto her face, immediately noting the euphoric mien that sat upon it. The smirk that was molded on her own adapted into a full-on smile. Nothing made her happier than to be the cause of Lorna's undeniable pleasure.
The sound of the bell reverberating piercingly through the walls of the bathroom halted their activity rather swiftly. Nicky sucked down on her bottom lip, and felt a reluctant breath of air puff its way from her lungs. Of course, she thought, just when things appeared to be heating up between them the damn school bell would deem that the perfect time to go off.
Despite the resistance and yearn to keep going, Nicky forced herself to release her fingers from inside of her girlfriend and awfully carefully took them out of both her panties as well as jeans. She brought them up to her mouth, sticking them inside and pleasurably licked the juices of her lover off of her fingertips. Their foreheads still lay gently against one another and Nicky brushed her lips, one last time, affectionately over the brunette's.
She used a hand to tenderly push back strands of Lorna's hair from covering over eyes. "That was totally worth skipping lunch, my sweet Lorna. We'll have to pick this up the next time ya sleep over my place, yeah?"
Lorna shuddered at Nicky's warm breath that trickled over her own lips. Though she'd shuddered, her lips curled into a pleasant smile and her head bobbed up and down in a highly enthusiastic nod. "I wouldn't mind skipping lunch every day to be locked in a stall with you," she all but purred, pecking softly at the nape of Nicky's neck. "But yeah, I like the sound of that. Maybe this weekend we can have another sleepover."
Albeit having the longing desire to walk to Franny's apartment after school ended that afternoon, Lorna reluctantly found herself taking the bus back to the Chapman's house instead. It was a short bus ride, unfortunately, and not before long she was getting off of it and walking down the sidewalk towards the grand home of her foster family. When she finally made her way inside the front door, she entered into the living room that had both Cal and Piper sitting on the adjacent sofas. Cal, clearly focused on a school assignment no doubt, and Piper with her nose in a book. How nice it must have been to no longer be a high school student, Lorna thought as she stared at the oldest of the Chapman children.
A sigh simply escaped through her larynx while she pondered on what to do. Her eyes fell onto the floor where she realized her shoes still covering her feet and decided she'd start by taking those off at the very least. Once they were taken off and in her hands, Lorna walked a few steps over to where the shoe rack was located and placed hers on the bottom in the only vacant spot. She reached her hands up to her temples and stood there rubbing at them for a few moments longer. Still unsure of what her next move was going to be.
The sensation of her bookbag on her back reminded her that she should probably copy what Cal was doing and get to work on that science project she'd been assigned. Another breath of air expelled from her lungs as she settled on the decision of following suit. She tiptoed her way in the room as to not disturb either of them and situated herself on the other end of the couch that Piper was sitting on, eyes still glued to the book in her hands.
However, if Lorna thought she had gone unnoticed, she was blatantly incorrect. The second Piper felt the further sinking of the couch, her eyes shifted up from her book and landed on such culprit. When she caught glimpse of Lorna sitting all the way on the other side near the other end-table, her blonde eyebrows curved up out of interest. She hadn't seen her since the day she was brought over by the CPS worker two days earlier. By the time she came home from her late night college course yesterday, Lorna had already left to her friend's house was what she had heard from her parents.
"Are you settling in okay?" She bookmarked the page she was on and then set the paperback aside so she could focus her blue eyes across at Lorna. Her leg crossed neatly over the other in the same position that Mrs. Chapman always chose to sit while in her desired armchair.
Lorna merely jumped at the sound of another's voice; she hadn't expected for either of the Chapman siblings to acknowledge her presence. In fact, she had hoped her footsteps were quiet enough to not interrupt the two from their tasks. Clearly, she estimated the loudness of her footsteps entirely wrong by the question being directed at her from Piper. She busied herself with removing the straps of her bookbag from each of her shoulders and placing it onto her lap.
Brown eyes returning the gaze, she searched meticulously over the blonde girl sitting two cushions away from her. There was an authentic vibe seemingly emanating from her, which, unexpectedly came as a comfort to Lorna. She certainly hadn't anticipated that from Piper, despite the fact that Piper didn't appear as pretentious as her mother had. "Uh, yeah, I think I am. Thanks for asking."
Piper nodded and gave a slightly tighter smile than she originally set out to. It wasn't that she had felt disdain to have Lorna staying with her family—she just happened to be terribly socially awkward when it came to people she hardly knew. And that always happened to bring out her mother's not-so-genuine mannerisms in herself. A quality she wasn't particularly fond of.
"Of course. I know it can be a little stuffy in here so I just wanted to make sure you're doing okay," she knowingly acknowledged the fact. Despite the love she had for both of her parents, Piper knew more than anyone how truly painful both of them could be to deal with at times. Mrs. Chapman more so than her father, she knew. Though they meant well deep down, they didn't always show it.
Swallowing uneasily, Lorna forced a smile on her face and nodded her head. Comfort was brought over her from the ostensibly sympathetic words that came from the young woman's mouth. Albeit still feeling some amount of resistance towards her, she could easily observe that Piper really was trying to be friendly. "I appreciate that. I mean you all seem real nice and everything but I just—I ain't from a fancy home or nothin'. I guess I feel outta place here is all," she honestly commented, her shoulders recoiling upwards in a shrug.
Picking up on bits and pieces of the conversation that was buzzing through the room, Cal decided to take a break from his school work and tune into what the two girls were conversing about. He set his stack of papers onto the pristine coffee table in front of the sofa he sat upon and then turned in his seat so that his blue eyes were looking between his sister and Lorna. Arms crossed intriguingly over his chest.
"What's public school like? I've always wondered about it but never knew anyone who went to one."
Piper threw a look towards her brother along with the remote for the television at his head for asking such an insensitive question. She arched up her eyebrows while shaking her head at the teenage boy that she happened to be graced with as her younger brother. "Really, Cal?"
The blond teen twisted his neck so that his eyes were staring directly into his sister's. He threw up his hands and furrowed the blond brows above his eyes. "What? I wanna know," persistence inflected in his voice as he stated the comment. Deterring his focus back onto Lorna—who clearly seemed a bit uneasy—Cal bounced his shoulders in a shrug. "Was that a dumb question for me to ask you?"
Lorna shifted uncomfortably in her seat, moving the leg that was crossed on top so that it now resided underneath the other. She sunk her right shoulder inwards and cautiously returned the youngest Chapman's gaze. Despite the unusual question he'd asked, the expression on his face was anything except mockful. Such observation eased away some of the nerves that built up inside her. "I mean I wouldn't say it's dumb," she softly admitted, repositioning her shoulder in a more normal one. "Just a bit odd, I guess."
A breath was gradually inhaled through her nose as she took a moment to gather her thoughts into an appropriate sentence to recite out from her mouth. "It's really nothing special, honestly. It's school. I go, I learn, and I leave. Why? Is private school different?"
Cal gave an intuitive nod while tapping his fingers against the plastic of the folder that sat closed-up on his lap. Lorna's response only confirmed that his asking the query, to begin with, was a rather a pointless thing to do. He tilted his head sideways and an innate chuckle escaped through his windpipe. "I guess there's not much difference. Of course we have to wear uniforms to the private school but I just go and learn and leave, too."
Nodding slowly, the brunette's eyes averted down onto her lap. There was an urge within her to ask if bullies existed in private schools as well, however, she refrained herself from ever allowing the words to slip from her mouth. Instead, she focused on the mixtures of blue that swirled together and made up the pair of jeans covering overtop of her legs. She subconsciously traced a finger down along the length of it and felt a puff of air expel from her lungs.
Reaching for a cup of tea that was sitting on a coaster atop the coffee table, Piper cradled it in her hands and sipped it slowly. The liquid was closer to room temperature since it'd been over a half an hour since she had prepared it. She took one more sip before putting the cup back in its previous spot and then focused her attention on the two teens. The topic of high school made her glad that she was no longer attending it—it was always only ever full of the most petty of drama. At least people who attended college did so because they wanted to be there.
"You know," the words slipped out, her eyes seemingly staring ahead into the void. "Hearing the two of you talking about school makes me so happy I'm an adult now. College is much better than high school, either public or private—those both suck."
The comment gained a snicker out of her younger brother, who took the folder from his lap and set it into his backpack that was lying on the ground beside his feet. "I can drink to that."
Shoes clacking against the hardwood that fused together as the floor beneath quickly halted the conversation and had all three sets of eyes peering in the direction of where said sound seemed to be approaching from. Mrs. Chapman stood in the elegant archway that divided the sitting room from the dining room with her arms crossed defensively over her chest and a rather stern mien displaying on her face as she looked between her two children.
"What's this I hear about drinking?" Her eyes darted from Piper to Cal; she didn't budge an inch from her stance. "I sure hope I misheard whoever said that because I know neither one of you are at the legal drinking age."
The brother and sister shared a look, both covering their hands over their mouths to keep the laughter from expelling out.
Clearing her throat, Carol shifted her gaze onto the eerily silent Lorna a few feet away. Her eyes narrowed in on her and she tapped her foot impatiently against the ground below it. "Lorna, you weren't out drinking last night were you? I know you've come from a family with different values but here in our house, we don't approve of underage drinking," she furrowed a brow while slightly interrogating the young brunette. Her head shook lightly as she held her gaze on the girl—despite her husband's desire to bring in foster children, Carol felt a lot less enthusiastic towards it. This here now was one of the main reasons she'd been apprehensive over taking random children into their home. She certainly hadn't wanted a problem child coming in and influencing her own children in a negative way.
Both siblings' heads turned to peer at Lorna, curious to see her reaction to their mother's blatantly out of place accusation.
It brought a slight frown to Piper's face after hearing her mom's immediate change of tune and assumption of blame on the foster child both she and their father had willingly agreed to bring into their house. The expression that her eyes observed on Lorna's face only heightened the guilt she felt over Mrs. Chapman's behavior. Second hand guilt, rather.
"Mom, Lorna didn't even say anything," Piper informed the middle-aged blonde. She gestured her hands between herself and Cal. "I made a comment about how high school sucks and Cal being Cal said he'd drink to that it. It was just a joke. Calm down."
The words that spilled out from her daughter's mouth instantly caused Carol's gaze to swiftly avert onto her. Her head shook slowly as she looked the blonde over precisely. That tone wasn't something Mrs. Chapman allowed for either of her children to speak to her in, ever, regardless of whether she jumped to conclusions or not. "You don't need to cop an attitude over it, Piper. I'm allowed to ask a simple question to a young girl that your father and I are being kind enough to let stay here with us. And because of that, I have the right to make sure she knows our rules."
Taking a moment to breathe, Mrs. Chapman deterred her glance onto her son. Disappointment melded onto her face as she did so. "Cal, making jokes about drinking is distasteful. Don't do that, please. You're going to be graduating high school this summer, you need to start acting more mature."
Giving one last shake of her head, Carol moved her eyes between the three of them and said, "All of you better make sure you're not making inappropriate jokes. Now, I'm gonna go see that dinner is being prepared. I'll call you down when it's finished." She quickly turned around and walked back through the archway in leu of the kitchen.
"There goes our favorite killjoy of a mother," Cal muttered once Mrs. Chapman was fully out of the room.
The comment instantly earned him a pillow to his head roughly tossed at him by Piper. With one leg crossed over the other and her head tilted in a way that she was directly facing her brother, she peered at him with a heavily irritated expression melded onto her face. "Well, Cal, if you'd be more careful with your words, maybe this all could have been avoided."
As soon as school had ended and she and Lorna unfortunately parted ways, Nicky made the decision to drive herself over to Alex's house for a much-needed evening of venting and, hopefully, smoking, too. The two situated themselves on the sofa in her living room, just moments upon Nicky's arrival, each with a cup of coffee cradled in their hands and a pack of cigarettes rested on the bare cushion between them. Aside from spending time with her beloved Lorna, there was nothing Nicky favored more than an evening of bold coffee and the bitter taste of a cigarette hanging out of her mouth.
Sitting on one side of the cushion that contained the heavily desired pack of lung-killers, Nicky sipped her coffee that was cradled in her hands and allowed her eyes to peer longingly at the rectangular piece of plastic laid out between both she and Alex. There was nothing her tastebuds craved more than the bold, bitter, flavors of both the coffee and cigarettes. She could easily sense her mouth salivating just at the thought of it.
The silence became all too deafening for Alex as she sat on the other end of the sofa, right leg crossed over left, her coffee mug held by its handle in one of her hands. She brought the mug to her lips and sipped it a few times before setting it on a coaster on the small end-table right on the other side of the armrest that her elbow rested atop of. Her eyes shifted onto Nicky, looking her over methodically. It didn't take much for her to pick up on the clear exhaustion that appeared to ooze from her aura.
"So, did you and Lorna happen to talk about her mom?"
Alex's innocent query was enough for Nicky to give in to her temptation right then and there. She set her coffee aside and quickly grabbed the pack of smokes from the cushion between them, rather violently whipping a cigarette out from within it. Holding it between her fingers, she replaced the carton back in its original spot and reached in her jacket's pocket for a lighter. Once it was lit and in her mouth, a breath of air was drawn in by the action of her taking a drag of her cig.
Eyes returned the older woman's gaze. Shoulders recoiled into a subtle shrug. Right now, Nicky's focus was only trying to forget about all of the negativity for an evening. Despite realizing how ironic that was for her when she continuously spent so much time and effort making sure Lorna knew not to keep her emotions locked up. As she took another drag, a chuckle came out of her windpipe. "You could say that. I mean she did finally cave and admit the truth," she responded.
Tilting her head slightly, Alex peered harder at the teen. There was blatantly something up with her, she easily noted. It was as though her facial expression contradicted the words that she spoke. Even though the truth had come to fruition Nicky still seemed distinctly perturbed. "Yeah? That's a good step for her. But how come ya don't look so thrilled? I mean I guess I can understand why, the situation isn't the best."
"I just feel like she's still not accepting that what happened happened."
Alex gave a slight nod, reaching for a cigarette of her own. A rather large volume of saliva formed into a gob within her mouth and she swallowed it uneasily down her esophagus. She couldn't blame Lorna if that was how she was feeling—losing a mother took a lot out of a person, she knew that from her own experience. Wrapping her fingers around the cigarette she retrieved from the rectangular box on the middle cushion, Alex carefully brought it up to her mouth; and with the use of her other hand she snatched a lighter from upon the coffee table.
One hand cupped underneath the cig, she used it to light the butt of it and once it was she inhaled a sharp breath. Upon exhale a large swirl of smoke escaped from between her teeth, faintly clouding the air around her. "What makes you say that, hmm?"
Letting out an airy breath from the smoke she just inhaled, Nicky found herself staring ahead out of the window directly behind the small television set. The sun had set only moments ago, leaving behind an array of colors that shined through the dimming sky. Her mind pondered on the question for a moment. She sensed Lorna's sudden change in demeanor—albeit being mesmerized by it at the time—was only a mechanism she was utilizing to distract herself from the grief. Of course, Nicky rationalized, it wasn't all just an act; she knew Lorna was always genuine with her actions even when they were also to protect herself from possibly getting hurt.
"I don't know," the redhead gave a muted shrug and took a drag of the cigarette between her fingers. Wind whirled through causing the trees to waver slightly from impact and Nicky deterred her eyes away from the window to focus them back on her friend. "The past couple of days Lorna's been kinda wanting to be more intimate, which I am totally on board with…however, now that I sit and think back on it—I just I wonder ya know?"
Alex found herself nodding once more. She tapped her cigarette on the edge of the ashtray she'd picked up from her coffee table and moved onto the end-table for easier access. "You think she might be using it as a crutch to shield herself from the grief?" When her inquiry received a profuse bobbing of the younger girl's head, she mirrored her behavior and exhaled a breath of smoke. "She could be, kid. I mean grief isn't an easy thing to deal with. I know the first couple a months after I lost my mom, I found certain things to numb out the pain. I wouldn't be surprised if that's something Lorna is seeking out, too."
A slight tightness started to form in Nicky's chest at her friend's comment. It seemed like all of the people she cared for had suffered through the loss of a loved one. And in a strange way that made her feel comparable to an outcast. How could she help her girlfriend when she couldn't relate to any of things she was suffering through? She merely felt helpless and thought it was pointless of her to even try to help.
"What can I do for her? I wanna be there for her but Lorna is also the most stubborn person I've ever met. It feels like I'm pulling teeth sometimes just to get her to talk to me," frustration clearly made up the entirety of Nicky's voice as the words slipped from her mouth. She gripped tighter onto the cigarette between her fingers, focusing her glance on it and acknowledging just how much smoking calmed her. Took the edge off. She sighed.
Sensing the uneasiness that loomed over her friend, Alex set what was left of her cigarette into the ashtray and picked up the pack lying on the cushion between them so that she could scoot over onto that one. She put the carton down on the surface of the coffee table before situating herself in a way that her eyes had a clear view of Nicky. The paleness on her face quickly washed Alex with a heap of concern. Cautiously, she reached a hand over to gently place atop the younger girl's.
A breath puffed its way up from her lungs as she tried to construct her thoughts into a proper response to share with the obviously desperate Nicky. The hand that she covered with her own, she brushed the tips of her fingers comfortingly along pale knuckles. "All you can do is just let her know you love her and you're there for her. When she's ready, she'll come to you on her own. I wouldn't force her to talk about anything she's not ready to, that would just cause unneeded stress for the both of ya. I know you probably don't wanna hear this but it's coming from my own experience with grief—I know exactly how Lorna's feeling. Patience and time are the only things that will really help her right now," Alex gently admitted, giving a sad smile to the other girl. Who she knew wasn't the most patient when it came to Lorna. Not that she could blame her for that, really.
Nicky grimly nodded her head. Of course the words of her friend were only from a place of empathy and care, she mentally acknowledged. However, that certainly hadn't meant Nicky liked it. Patience was not one of her strongest virtues. And waiting around for Lorna to finally open up to her on her own was another virtue that wasn't her strongest. When it came to her Lorna, she wanted to swoop in and magically swipe away every last ounce of her pain and suffering. Yet, she knew that hadn't even been close to being realistic. Only in her dreams would that be a realistic outcome, she sadly deemed.
"Me be patient? Vause, do ya know who the hell you're talkin' to?" Despite the mental conversation with herself, Nicky couldn't refrain from making the comment. A comment that was made in a rather light-hearted tone and followed by a small chuckle.
Mirroring the redhead's actions, Alex found herself chuckling as well. Her head nodded in agreeance to the statement her friend had made—Nicky was anything but patient. Sometimes she wondered if the girl had any understanding of what being patient actually meant. Out of impulse, she wrapped a friendly arm around the younger girl's shoulder and felt a second snicker escape from her. "Oh, believe me, I know you aren't patient. You should be the poster child for impatience, kid," she replied in a good-natured manner.
Nicky shot her a look, though another chuckle came out and showed that she wasn't truly upset over the words. Words that were only the truth. Her eyes momentarily glanced down at the cigarette in her hands and were slightly disappointed to see all that was left of it was the butt. She set it in the ashtray Alex had placed on the coffee table, a grimness looming over her. However, as she bent over to put the cig down, something slipped out of her shirt pocket and fell onto the coffee table's surface. Crinkling as it did so.
The sight hadn't gone unnoticed by Alex, who quickly reached over to grab what fell out of intrigue. Though, the second it was in her hands, she felt an uneasiness overpower her to see what was contained within the small plastic bag. Her eyes shifted across onto Nicky. "What is this, Nicky? You're not into heroin again, are ya?"
Chapter Text
Chapter Forty-Eight
Immediately, her eyes squeezed tightly shut when she realized that damn bag fell out from her shirt. A lump was swallowed down to her throat as she shook her head at herself. She should have been more careful—should have made sure not to bend over the way she had, which clearly happened to be the perfect angle for the stupid little piece of plastic to fall out of. At least it was only Alex who witnessed that and not Red or Lorna. Regardless, she wished none of this would have taken place in the first place. A sigh tumbled out of her.
"You gonna answer?"
Albeit the sternness of her voice, concern and worry were the main culprits that took over Alex's face. Her hands gripped the baggie tight within them, distrustful of Nicky if she put it back on the coffee table. Blue eyes peered intently at the younger girl beside her. She swallowed thickly while observing her closely. It was a bit of challenge to get a good read on what Nicky was possibly thinking or feeling in that moment. However, Alex assumed the reason for her possession of that baggie having something to do with the stress of what was going on with her girlfriend.
Nicky opened her mouth but no words came out. Her eyes peered onto the baggie that now lay in Alex's firm hands, secretly longing after it. The one drug she yearned heavily for. Shame and guilt settled in to acknowledge that she broke her promise to Lorna by having heroin in her possession once more. It wasn't done intentionally, rather out of sheer impulse. An instinct, really. Of course, deep down, she knew that wasn't an excuse for her to even have the damn heroin just sitting in a baggie in her pocket.
"Obviously it's heroin," she pointed out, bouncing her shoulders up in a shrug. There was no sense in lying, she knew; besides, lying wasn't in her nature, anyway. The guilt rapidly intensified the more she sat in her spot and pondered over what the hell she had done. Despite the intensity of the guilt, Nicky still craved to have that baggie back in her own hands. She just wanted one measly, innocent, little sniff of it. That wouldn't hurt her. No, of course not.
Alex nodded attentively. "Clearly. Why do you have it though? Where'd ya get it, kid?" She slipped the bag away into her own pocket so that it was no longer in Nicky's line of vision and folded her arms over her chest as she waited for a response.
The questions whirled profoundly through her mind while her brain tried to come up with some sort of answer. No matter the answer she gave it would never be excusable or good enough, she deemed. And, really, when would there ever be a plausible reason for her to use heroin? A drug that was blatantly harmful and incredibly addictive. She shook her head at the ramped thoughts.
Saliva pooled at the bottom of her tongue, she swallowed thickly to rid herself of the build up and inhaled sharply. "Why do I have it? Good question, I don't really know. I just—I do." Her hands nervously folded together atop her lap. She cleared her throat and deterred her eyes from the black-haired woman across from her. "Does it really matter where I got it from, Al?"
Narrowing her eyes on the girl, Alex inched herself slightly closer. Worry lines creased onto the flesh of her forehead as her eyes kept their gaze on Nicky. She wasn't sure what to make of the explanation that was given to her only seconds earlier. A hand reached over to lay comfortingly overtop one of the other's shoulders, giving a tender squeeze to it.
"What do you mean you don't know? Nicky, obviously you have the heroin for a reason—what is it? It sure as hell does matter where ya got this, who knows what is in this damn bag? The person who gave it to ya coulda put some crazy shit in here and you'd never know," she pointed out, her voice growing louder with each word that emitted from her.
The care that inflected through Alex's voice was enough to instinctively move Nicky closer to her. Suddenly craving the closeness of another human. As if her life depended on it. Or maybe she moved closer because she knew that plastic entrapment of heroin was sitting in one of her pockets. Either way, she found herself scooting onto the same cushion that Alex had been siting on. A lump could easily be felt in the pit of her stomach.
"I need something to take the edge off, okay? And cigarettes aren't really cutting it anymore. I've been craving heroin since the first time I tried it and with what's going on with Lorna, I cracked and gave in. It's from Boo—the girl from the one school I briefly went to when I was living with my dad. She gave me the first stash I ever tried and so I called her and told her I needed another."
A sigh pushed its way up through the older woman's larynx at her friend's revelation. Exactly what she had suspected as the reasoning. The realization innately caused a pang to mold into her chest and she felt her breath slightly hitch in her throat. She wrapped her arm gently around Nicky's shoulder and pulled her closer, soothingly combing a hand through thick red locks of hair. "Nicky, did you ever think that maybe you need to open up to someone about your own feelings? Because obviously you're struggling a lot right now, too."
Squinting her eyes, Nicky peered at her as if she had two heads. She swallowed thickly, a faint tightness in the back of her throat. "What? Alex, that's crazy. I'm fine, I'm just worried about my girlfriend."
Alex curved an eyebrow and narrowed her eyes on the younger girl. "Is it though?" She twirled a finger comfortingly around a strand of Nicky's hair. "You're fine, yeah? That why ya called up a drug dealer to get another stash a heroin, kid?"
The interrogation instantly ignited an intense uneasiness within Nicky's body. She shook her head in a rather maddening manner and averted her eyes away from the older woman. The comments and questions that sputtered form her felt like an attack to Nicky. She balled her hands into fists on the sides of her legs and fixed her gaze directly in front of her at the clock on the wall ahead. "Boo ain't a damn drug dealer. She's just a friend who happens to have heroin handy," she bitterly retorted.
Clearly she hit a nerve. That much was obvious, Alex noted. And though the last thing she wanted was to upset Nicky even further, as her deeply concerned friend, what mattered most was making sure she knew that heroin certainly hadn't been in her best interest. So, albeit Nicky's stance being on the defensive side, Alex kept her grasp on the girl and even pressed a comforting kiss atop her head. "A friend who happens to have heroin handy?" She repeated Nicky's words in a way that she hoped would show her the absurdity of it.
"Nicky, that is the literal definition of what a drug dealer is. Sorry to burst your bubble, kid."
"The literal definition of a drug dealer? Hmm, since when does the dictionary definition of drug dealer include a friend who happens to have heroin handy? Nice try, Vause, but last time I checked that was not in the dictionary," Nicky stated through gritted teeth.
She didn't know where the sudden urge to be defensive and snarky came from but she couldn't stop herself from acting on it. It was as though she had been possessed by another being or entity. The guilt that followed only tightened the knot that sat in her gut. Alex was only trying to be helpful and comforting, she acknowledged. She sighed, looking down at her hands that remained folded atop her thighs.
The black-haired woman felt her own sigh involuntary escape her windpipe. Despite her friend's defensive attitude, Alex took none of it personally. Not when it was obvious to her just how hard Nicky was working to cover her true emotions with sarcasm and bitterness. "Do you want to talk about it?"
"Talk about what? The heroin? No. There's nothing else to say about it. Unless you're gonna give it back?"
Nicky's big brown eyes perked up, a hopefulness lurking within them as they stared intently over onto Alex.
Alex returned her gaze and mentally pondered whether or not it would be smart of her to keep the heroin in her possession or return it to Nicky. Sure if she kept it in her pocket that would mean Nicky couldn't use it but that didn't mean she wouldn't try to get more from the infamous Boo. She sighed at the realization that, despite her intentions coming from a place of concern, keeping the baggie would only mean that Nicky would have the chance to reach out for another one. Neither option seemed to have a positive outcome.
"I don't know, kid," she truthfully admitted, placing one hand into the pocket where the plastic bag resided. Her blue eyes lingered on Nicky. "I mean I know if I don't give it back, there's a chance you'd just call your friend for more. Wouldn't you?"
Nicky watched the older woman closely and felt her breath catch in her throat when she noticed the obvious apprehension displaying on her face. She swallowed thickly and was disturbed by her own behavior now that she'd seen how bothered it made one of her best friends. Slightly coming to her sense, she gently lifted a hand up to cover onto one of Alex's cheeks. "I-I don't know, honestly. If the craving gets too strong, I probably would."
Sighing, Alex gave a small nod. The answer she was given hadn't been much of a surprise. It was getting clearer and clearer with each passing second that Nicky was in the early stages of having a drug addiction and Alex wasn't sure she liked that fact. She brought one of her hands up to rest gently over the one that was on her cheek and caressed her palm softly up and down it.
"I really don't wanna give it back to you. I don't want to enable you, Nicky. But I also don't want you going back to this friend of yours for heroin, either. It seems really sketchy to me." A deep breath of air expelled from Alex's lungs. She sucked in her bottom lip and contemplated on what to do. Either way she looked at it, the situation appeared to be a lose-lose.
"Well, what if I promised you that if ya give me this baggie back that it'll be the last time I use heroin?"
Nicky nervously bit down on her tongue after the words spewed from her mouth. Deep down, she knew that was a promise she wouldn't be able to keep. The same promise was made to Lorna several months earlier and clearly she broke that one, too. She felt ashamed of herself for that, which only made her desire for the heroin stronger. At least the heroin would temporarily numb out her feelings, she thought.
Looking her over precisely, Alex didn't know whether she could believe any of what she just said. Or if she could even trust any of it. She wanted to believe and trust the girl, yet, she knew if Nicky truly was an addict that she would find a way to make herself sound convincing. And something about the way she worded her comment caused suspicion to ooze through Alex's body. "I want to believe you mean that, kid, I do. But I'm having a hard time doing that."
"Look, Al, I know heroin will only clog my brain and stuff. And with what Lorna's dealing with, I can't afford to have a clogged brain. So I really do mean it when I say if ya give me that one bag back that I won't get anymore of it. Please, Al."
The tone of Nicky's voice held a decent amount of sincerity in it. Alex let out a sigh that built up and rewrapped her arm around the younger girl's shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze. Although she hadn't been particularly fond of giving the baggie back to her, Alex deemed that was the best choice she could make on the matter. At least it would stop Nicky from trying to obtain a new one, she tried to reason with herself.
She used her free hand to reach back into her pocket for the small plastic bag of brown powder and, with an intense volume of resistance, very cautiously handed it to the redhead. "Please just promise me you won't get any more after this? I care about you, Nicky, and I just don't want you to do anything that will hurt you." Blue eyes peered pleadingly into the big brown ones of her best friend's.
Returning her gaze, Nicky felt her breath slightly catch in her throat. The clear desperation and worry that oozed from her friend's face sufficiently formed a guilty pang within her chest. Nothing perturbed her more than when she was the culprit of any of her loved one's trepidation. A knot slightly sat at the top edge of her throat as she carefully grabbed the baggie from Alex's outstretched hand. Her eyes averted onto the brown powder that resided within the plastic bag her hands had now possessed.
"I promise not to get any more heroin, okay? This is it, I mean it." Despite what she stated, Nicky wasn't sure how true her words were. She wanted to them to be truthful, however, the craving for that damned brown powder was almost too overbearing.
Alex slowly nodded her head in response, eyes peering her over rather intently. She didn't know whether she fully believed her friend's comment, yet, she also had no desire to argue with her over it. A sigh pushed up from her lungs and expelled through her mouth. Deep down, she hoped that Nicky was being honest—the last thing she wanted was to witness one of her closest friends battle an agonizing addiction to something as hardcore as heroin.
By the time Friday rolled around—which to Lorna felt like an eternity had passed before it finally arrived—a sense of ecstasy loomed over her as she forced herself out of bed early that morning. The sun's ascension up the horizon caused its rays to dimly beam into the bedroom from the window right behind the headboard of the bed. Such a sight molded an even bigger smile to Lorna's face while she went to retrieve an outfit from her suitcase that leant up against the dresser.
Once she was dressed and put together to her standard, she exited the room in leu of the staircase at the end of the hallway. As she approached the last step, her smile faded and she remembered she wasn't at the Morello house but the Chapmans' and suddenly didn't feel quite as giddy as she did only seconds ago. Fortunately, no one was in the sitting room to witness her entrance and that gave her the chance to catch her breath from her descension down the mahogany case of stairs.
Though her body craved a cup of coffee, Lorna decided against having one and instead picked her bookbag up off of the floor, slipped her shoes on her feet, and made her way out the front door. The sun shined above—and despite it being still rather chilly—its rays heated Lorna's cheeks nicely as she stood on the stoop of her foster family's house. A small smile returned at the warmth and she made the choice to walk to school rather than waiting around for the bus. It was too nice out to not walk, she thought.
Arriving inside the school—a mere thirty-minutes after the fact—Lorna stood with her back leaning against the door she just entered through while trying to catch her breath from the high velocity of exertion her body was put through. Her eyes searched around the area and she quickly came to observe how empty and quiet the hallway happened to be. With her breathing finally easing up, she scoped the walls until her eyes landed on the clock that hung above the door to the secretary's office and nearly felt her mouth gape open to see that it had already been half past eight. She swallowed a large volume of her saliva at the realization. Maybe her decision to walk wasn't such a good one.
Entering class late was never a task that Lorna found herself fond of. In fact, just the thought made her skin crawl and the hair atop her arms stick slightly up. However, being that it had already been past eight she had no choice but to enter inside the science lab after it had previously started. She shut her eyes while grabbing hold of the knob and pushing open the door. As if on que, the bottom of the wood squeaked rather loudly through the room as she very cautiously walked inside.
The noise from the door's opening up instantly caused all heads to pop up and turn their direction onto Lorna. She swallowed the lump that was sitting in her throat, quickly making her way to her desk. It wasn't until she sat down and started unpacking her backpack that she noticed Annalisa's presence unswervingly in front of her. A deep breath of air forced itself from her lungs to see her bully already waiting for her. The day was off to a bad start with her decision to walk there and now, it only seemed to get worse.
"I hope ya only late because you were working real hard on our project," the blonde retorted once Lorna was sitting atop the metal chair connected to the desk right in front of her own.
Blue eyes peered fiercely ahead into brown ones. The way the shorter teen looked back at her with obvious despair showing on her face simply formed a smirk on Annalisa's. It never ceased to amaze her how easily she had been able to get under Lorna's skin and she treasured that capability of hers quite highly.
Lorna brought a hand up to the back of her neck and rubbed it rather vigorously. Even just the sound of Annalisa's voice ringing through her ears was enough to churn the contents of her stomach. And although she desired to ignore her, her better judgment kicked in and encouraged her what a lousy decision that would be since it'd only fuel the older teen's rage. She sighed and settled on busying herself with retrieving her binder from her bag which now lied on the floor, tucked up to the leg of her desk.
Not even a second after the plastic binder had been laid out on the surface of Lorna's desk, Annalisa roughly reached her hands over to snatch it up. She harshly flipped it open—nearly breaking it in half from her harshness—and searched through for any remnants of their allocated assignment. The papers crinkled profusely as her hands moved them violently to one side. After a few minutes of looking through her victim's science loose-leaf folder, she returned her gaze up onto Lorna.
"Where the hell are the papers, Morello? I don't fuckin' see shit in here for the damn project," her voice progressively grew louder as she slammed the lid of the binder back over to the other side and merely hit Lorna in the face with it from how far her hand tossed the object.
"I-I haven't finished them yet. And you have to write your own, Mrs. Bell said—"
Annalisa rapidly interjected by leaning over and grabbing the brunette by the cheeks. Eyes darkened an intense amount as they glared vehemently down into Lorna's. "I don't care what Mrs. Bell said, Morello," she taunted, her voice low so that only Lorna could hear her words. Because of the close proximity between them, the blonde's breath easily trickled onto Lorna's face.
The sensation resulted in a grimace out of her and that widened the smirk on Annalisa's face. "Ya wanna make sure ya pass this project, yeah?" When she received a timid nod from the younger teen, she mirrored her nod and brought a finger underneath her chin. The finger she held onto the bottom flesh of Lorna's chin she harshly used it to lift her head upwards so their eyes were looking right into each other's. "Then you better make sure you write my paper, too. Ya got that? And don't forget the PowerPoint, either. I want to see them all by the end of today or else."
Lorna gulped uneasily at the disclosure but bobbed her head compliantly. Relief came over her when Annalisa's grip on her had finally been released. Her head bent down, slightly, and she focused on the pattern of the surface of her desk. She needed something to distract herself from the incessant anxiety that slowly seemed to be engulfing her. How the hell was she supposed to write two papers and make an entire PowerPoint presentation before school let out? She swallowed thickly, tapping her foot copiously on the metal leg of the desk it was resting against. There were still seven other classes for her to get through, she hadn't the time to go to a computer lab to complete all the work that Annalisa was requesting of her to do.
With her elbows resting on the top of the desk, she simply put her face in her hands and rubbed the palms along pale flesh. Enthralled in her mind, the ringing of the bell went unnoticed until she caught sound of shoes clacking against the tiled-floor. She removed her head from her hands and watched as the classroom emptied out of all the students. Well, all students except her, she acknowledged. A long airy breath came out of her larynx. She gathered her things and, in almost slow motion, made her way to the door to exit out of. Today went from almost decent to shit-storm level bad rather swiftly.
Her third class of the day finished up and instead of going to the cafeteria to meet Nicky for lunch—who she longed to see more than anything, especially right now—Lorna found herself walking the opposite direction in leu of one of the computer labs. Annalisa's words from earlier swirled through her mind convincing her that getting those papers written were her top priority over anything else. She certainly didn't want to end up on the bottom of Annalisa's shoes had she come up empty-handed by the end of the day. Something she knew the girl could definitely be capable of given the right circumstances. And not complying with her demands were those right circumstances that would have her flattened flatter than a pancake on a gridle.
The computer lab wasn't too far from her last class she just left and by the time she arrived, it hadn't been more than a few minutes. The door had been propped open so Lorna easily made her way through. As her eyes scanned the room, she was grateful to find it rather empty. Aside from a couple of the computers being in use she had top of the pick. She settled on the one closest to the door—not only so she could hurriedly leave as soon as she finished but also because it was the farthest from all of the other students.
Because there were only two other teens in there, clearly focused on their work, the room was significantly quiet. So quiet that Lorna could hear the ticking of the clock on the wall above the door. She looked up at it and suddenly a sense of restlessness came over her. Her lower lip was sucked in under her top one, eyes averted to the dark screen of the bulky computer in front of where she was sitting. Using her thumb to push in the button on the bottom of the screen, Lorna waited for it to boot up.
She looked back on the clock when the ticking became too much and grumbled out a breath. The time was dragging on. Of course that was something Lorna needed if she wanted to accomplish everything Annalisa asked of her. If time slowed down enough she might just be able to get at least half of the work done by her last class. That was what she was banking on, anyway. Maybe she just needed a miracle to happen, she shrugged.
The start-up sound from the machine quickly took Lorna's attention off the clock—along with her thoughts—and brought it back to the now lit screen right in front of her face. She entered her login information, watched as the almost microscopic dots spun around the screen while it processed the request, and after the desktop loaded, she opened up a blank work document.
Staring at the blank document formed a throbbing ache between her temples. Lorna brought her hands up to them and exhaustively pushed back her brown waves. The ticking of the clock merely deafened her ears. She closed her eyes and tried her hardest not to let out a scream. Which proved to be quite the chore. She desired nothing more than to open her mouth and shriek until her voice-box collapsed in on itself. Out of respect for the other students in the vicinity, Lorna refrained from acting on the urge and instead let her face collide with the keyboard several times.
The repetitive motion, naturally, only worsened the headache she was experiencing but she hadn't cared. It was the only way she could keep from screaming or shrieking. Her brain refused to cooperate with her so the word document remained as blank as it had when she first opened it. A breath of air came involuntarily out of her mouth causing a muted squeal. Her cheeks turned red, she looked around to see if the two other teens noticed and, fortunately, neither budged from their spots.
After spending a good ten minutes staring daggers at the bright screen foisting its light into her eyes, Lorna finally started constructing her paper. She was around halfway through with it when the vibration of her pant's pocket interjected her. Reaching a hand inside of it, she pulled out the culprit of such sensation—her phone which she forgot she even put there earlier before departing the Chapman's house.
Lorna flipped up the top of it and felt a rush of warmth tingle through her body when her eyes read Nicky's name on it. Automatically her thumb slid its way to the talk button, clicking it, and she lifted the phone up to her ear. She felt rebellious—sneaky even—having her phone out in plain sight which exhilarated her, even though there were no teachers lurking in the lab she occupied.
"Lorna, where are you? I've been looking for ya everywhere, kid. I haven't even seen your cherub face since yesterday," Nicky's voice sounded rather desperately on the other line. "I miss you. Tell me where to find you, yeah?"
I miss you. The tender words echoed through her mind and Lorna couldn't resist the smile that naturally melded onto her face. Nicky sounded so innocent and pure in her ear; she yearned to finally be in her presence once more. To throw her arms tight around her, letting themselves get lost in each other's warm embrace. Taking her mind off of the building pile of shit she had to do. That was what she craved, needed right now more than anything.
"Sorry, hon. I'm in the tech lab, hadda get some work done for my science class. It's, uh, kinda empty in here if ya wanna join me? I could use the company while I work," she warmly suggested, secretly hoping that the older girl would agree. The more she pondered the more she realized how much she loathed being apart from her beloved redhead. Nicky made her feel. Something she hadn't allowed herself in a long time. Or maybe she never let herself at all.
Nicky's lips innately curled into a smile at the offer and she quickly got up from the bench in the cafeteria that she'd been sitting upon. The phone was held to her ear by one of her shoulders as she speedily made her way out of the room and down a corridor towards the computer lab. "Course I will, kid. On my way, I'll be there in like three minutes."
The two hung up when Nicky started making her way down and while Lorna waited for her arrival, she turned her focus back on the computer. A few more sentences were typed out before the sound of footsteps nearing her caught her attention. When she twisted her head around and found the culprit to be the very redhead herself, Lorna swiftly jolted up from her chair and threw her arms quite tightly around Nicky's upper body. Her face naturally fell into the crook of her neck and she happily took in the scent of her girlfriend's perfume.
Being engulfed in her lover's arms as enthusiastically as she had been, Nicky felt a strong bout of adoration overpower her. She returned the embrace without a second of hesitation, encircling her own arms securely around the shorter teen's waist which instinctively brought her closer to her own body. Her lips found their way onto the top of Lorna's head, pressing down on it in a tender kiss. "What are you working on, my little studious lover?" The question asked while her mouth still slightly rested over the same spot it just kissed.
Lorna easily nuzzled herself closer to the warmth radiating from her girlfriend. She pressed her face into the flesh of her neck, gently reaching a hand up to stroke the tips of her fingers around it. "Just a couple a papers for my science class," her voice spoke out, slightly muffled from her mouth being constrained up against Nicky's neck. Suddenly, all thoughts of assignments and that god-awful Annalisa dissipated from her mind. Her focus, now, on Nicky and Nicky only.
The sensation of the brunette's soft face tucked up along the skin of her neck—teetering on the top of her chest that was barely peeping out from the collar of her shirt—Nicky could acquaint to that of a rather fluffy pillow. It caused her to swell with the utmost compassion and affection. Had it not been for the fact that they were in the computer lab at their public high school, Nicky easily would have taken Lorna right then and there against one of the walls. Yet, because of that very fact, she chose not to act on that urge and instead settled on dropping a warm kiss atop the head that rested beneath her chin.
"A couple of papers? That's a bit much—when ya gotta have em' done by, kid?"
Within a matter of seconds, the earlier thoughts that plagued her mind came whirling back once more. An uneasiness established itself in the pit of Lorna's stomach by means of a vast knot. She swallowed thickly while forming what to respond with. Certainly, she needn't mention anything in regards to Annalisa. That would only dig her a deeper hole.
"Oh, I know, but some of it's for extra credit," Lorna quickly mustered up an explanation and simultaneously waved a hand in the air. "Mrs. Bell was nice enough to give me a chance to get my grade up so I don't fail." A breath of air puffed out of her as she moved her eyes over onto the screen of the computer she'd been using and she felt herself becoming farther and father away from what she needed to accomplish. "Erm, it's due Monday but I, uh, I wanna get it done before school ends so I don't have to do it over the weekend."
Nicky nodded her head in a slightly unnerving manner. A bit unsure of how to process her girlfriend's clarification. She released the embrace just enough so that her hands were framed around the cheeks of Lorna's face, holding it a few inches from her own in order for her to properly examine every inch of it. "Well, just don't overwork yourself. Don't want my sweet Lorna burning herself out," the comment murmured in a voice that she was sure only Lorna could hear.
A strand of brown hair was tenderly tucked behind an ear and soft lips stroked over the corner of a temple. The two shared a warm smile before breaking apart completely and going to sit back at the table where Lorna previously occupied—Nicky claiming the seat right next to hers. Lorna quickly refocused herself on the screen in front of her, looking what she had so far over before picking up where she previously left off.
Occupying the chair beside her, Nicky turned her head so that her eyes were able to peer over the screen that her girlfriend was typing away on. A cheeky grin rapidly took up form on her face. One that she didn't even plan to show up there. But she didn't stop it, either, and let it sit on her face as her eyes shifted from the computer over to the brunette. The brunette who sat highly focused on the task at hand, whatever it may be. And Nicky's eyes found watching her to be the most mesmerizing thing. She couldn't tear them away. Lorna was the most beautiful girl to ever exist, her thoughts concluded.
Lorna felt her stare and a small giggle innately erupted from within. She turned slightly to return the gaze. "Having fun, hon? I'm sure watching me write a paper is almost as interesting as watching paint dry, huh?"
That giggle about took Nicky's heart out. Thoughtlessly, she reached a hand over to cup a loving hand around her cheek and stroked her thumb around its flesh. "I can't help that my girlfriend is the cutest thing to ever exist, kid. I could sit and watch ya all day," the words all but purred out of her mouth.
They shared a loving gaze for several seconds longer before Lorna went back to work on her assignment. Nicky retained her watchful eyes and when Lorna scrolled the document back to the top, a name on the header instantly stuck out and caught her full attention. She squinted a tad before shifting her eyes back on the brunette, "Why is Annalisa's name on your paper, kid?"
The simple question was all it took for all of the color on Lorna's face to drain away.
Chapter Text
Chapter Forty-Nine
It was as though the question alone had summoned the presence of the very person who Nicky asked about. Because not before long, their conversation was interjected by the lurking presence of the blonde teen's peeking her head through the opened door of the computer lab. Lorna quickly sensed her blue eyes fiercely staring over her, as if they had heat vision and were trying to burn a hole in the back of her head. Saliva built up on the surface of her mouth right below her tongue. She tried to ignore her stare. Tried to act oblivious to it.
Not surprisingly, her decision to not acknowledge Annalisa's presence in the doorway rather quickly fueled a rage within her. The girl marched her way inside, slowly approaching where the two others had been sitting but stopped when she heard Nicky's voice seemingly interrogating the brunette beside her as to not gain the attention of her.
"Ya gonna give me an answer, doll?" Nicky crossed her arms over her chest while peering firmly across at her girlfriend. Making sure she knew she wasn't going to be able to talk herself out of this. Nicky was determined to get the truth out of her, no matter what it took.
The pet-name Nicky had for Lorna immediately made Annalisa cover her mouth to keep herself from outwardly gagging. Her head shook in disgust—of course those two were actually in a relationship, she thought. A chuckle sat in the pits of her throat, wanting desperately to escape, but she forced it to remain where it was as to not gain the focus of the two teens. Though she knew, regardless of Lorna's ignoring her, that Lorna had certainly known she was there.
Lorna swallowed the saliva that engulfed the inside of her mouth and tried to keep her awareness on Nicky rather than the blonde girl standing a few feet behind where Nicky's back was facing. She kept her eyes on her even though she could clearly see Annalisa's dark glare from the corner of them. Her menacing blue eyes made trying to come up with an answer to her girlfriend's query quite the challenge.
It didn't take much for Nicky to clearly observe the apprehensive look in the younger girl's eyes and instantly she grew concerned. Her hands hesitated not once to reach up and cover over each porcelain cheek. The tips of her fingers brushed gingerly over alarmingly pale flesh. "What's the matter, kid? Looks like ya seena ghost or some shit," she softly inquired, peering her over in a highly methodic manner. A loose strand of brown hair carefully tucked behind an ear.
Once again, in her spot that hid her from Nicky's view, Annalisa faked a gagging gesticulation at yet another sickly pet-name her ears had the distaste of hearing.
Though the older girl who's soft hands held around her cheeks couldn't see it, Lorna didn't miss Annalisa's antics which only deepened the tightness lurking within her chest. She turned her head to focus her eyes back on Nicky and tried to piece together a response that wouldn't worry the clearly already worried redhead standing before her.
Nicky noticed how she had been staring at something rather frightfully and so she decided to twist her own head around in the same direction she'd seen Lorna looking and landed her eyes on the very girl who's name was written on the top of the document. Out of instinct, she released her grasp from Lorna's face and instead wrapped her arms protectively around her waist. Eyes glaring darkly ahead into those of the blonde teen's. She sucked in her bottom lip to try to control the anger that slowly began to creep up.
"Hmm not a ghost but that could always be arranged," the statement easily slipped from Nicky's mouth. The tone of her voice much deeper and raspier than it usually was. Her eyes stared daggers into the ice cold blue ones that pierced back at her.
Annalisa sputtered out a snicker. She leaned her side against the protruding rim of the table and crossed her arms aggressively over her chest. "Is that a threat I hear, Nichols?" The words snapped their way from an otherwise calm voice. Eerily calm. Her eyes shifted between the two girls standing a few feet away from her and shook her head with another chuckle accompanying it.
Tightening her arms around Lorna, Nicky glared even darker ahead at the blonde. "No, it's a promise."
"A promise huh? Yeah, I'd like to see ya try," the blonde retorted back, a smirk melding its way on her face. She reached into the pocket of her jeans and whipped out a piece of gum. After ripping the wrapper from it she shoved it in her mouth and inched her face closer to Nicky's, so close that her mouth was a mere inch from her ear. "You don't have the strength to do anything to me, Nichols, face it," she whispered into the same ear her mouth merely touched over, breath trickling against its flesh.
Nicky quickly lifted a hand to shove at the taller girl's shoulder to push her away with. The taunting tone of her voice only aggravated the anger that had previously boiled through her veins. She furrowed both of her eyebrows and narrowed her eyes on the other. "Mind telling me why your name is on Lorna's assignment?"
Her grasp on Lorna reluctantly released itself so that she could take Annalisa by the sleeve of her shirt and shove her in front of the computer screen the brunette had just been typing on. She gestured her hands at it rather violently. The anger merely controlling her every move at that point. She twisted her head slightly to see the reaction on Annalisa's face but all she saw was that god-damned smirk that had to be embedded into it by now.
Nicky's little interrogation only brought a laugh out of Annalisa, who stood facing the brightly lit screen with her signature sneer. Slowly, her eyes averted over onto Lorna and she silently threatened her to keep her mouth shut by the movements of her eyebrows. The meek nod she received in response warranted her eyes to shift back on the screen. She bounced her shoulders in a nonchalant shrug. "It's called a project, Nichols. A project that Mrs. Bell assigned to both me and little Morello. Are ya slow or somethin'?"
To both of their surprises but even more so to Annalisa's, it was Lorna who spoke up next. She peered firmly at the blonde teen and waved an aggressive hand in her line of view. "Don't call Nicky names."
Even Lorna was taken aback by the boldness inflected in her voice. The palms of her hands rapidly grew incessantly sweaty. With a gulp, she bowed her head so that her eyes were staring into the dotted pattern of the floor beneath her converse shoes. Maybe her comment should have been kept to herself, she mentally affirmed. Regret settling in now that she pondered over the impulsive decision she made only moments prior. Being bold with Nicky and family was one thing but to do so in Annalisa's presence—her bully that never ceased bullying—wasn't the wisest move on her behalf.
And, as if to prove her point, Annalisa cracked her head around so fast that Lorna was stunned it hadn't decapitated from her neck. The expression on her face was anything except impressed. Her fingers curled tightly into the palms of her hands at her sides. An urge to dig her nails into those pale little cheeks of Lorna's came over her; she would have done it, too, if Nicky hadn't been there to witness it.
Instead, Annalisa just roughly grabbed onto the brunette's head and forced it to move in direction of her own. She wanted their eyes to be on the same level for when she said her next statement. "Oh, are we tough Lorna now? You think I'm scared a ya?" The tone in her voice taunting with a mixture of sing-songy thrown in there. She chuckled when she saw how timid Lorna suddenly became and knocked her back a small amount. A rather bold move considering Nicky probably noticed it but Annalisa couldn't care less.
All that mattered to her was making sure the brunette was well aware of the fact that no matter what words she tried to spew out at her, none of them would affect her in any way that might possibly benefit either of them. "Your girlfriend is," she said right into Lorna's ear, "a," the pause for a few loud chews of gum; she smirked at the petite girl's obvious discomfort and grimacing. "junkie dyke."
Impulse took over, despite the timidity, and Lorna lifted her leg up to kick rather harshly at Annalisa's genital region. Upon impact the blonde doubled over in pain and Lorna quickly grabbed onto Nicky's hand to yank her out of the lab with her. Not thinking about all the stuff she was leaving behind, either. All that was on her mind, in that particular moment, was getting both she and Nicky as far away from Annalisa as possible.
It wasn't until they entered one of the girls' bathrooms—on opposite ends of the hallway to put the most distance between them and the blonde teen—and securely locked in the handicap stall that either girl said anything. Both slid to the floor, panting to regain their breath from the energy their bodies just exerted from all the running, and grabbed hold of each other's hands.
Nicky snaked an arm tightly around Lorna's waist and pulled her closer. The top of her chin innately laid over the top of her girlfriend's head. For a few silent minutes, she sat there swaying the two of them gently back and forth. There was an aching in her chest that she hadn't noticed until now. She wasn't sure if it was from all the running or the anger she felt seeing how cruel Annalisa was to Lorna. Either way, however, she ignored it and tilted her head so that she could stroke her lips over the crown of Lorna's forehead.
"Ya got a good kick on you, ya know that kid?" A light-hearted comment that she thought they both could benefit from. The small giggle she acquired in exchange morphed the aching sensation in her chest to a warm, melting, one. And, of course, her girlfriend's angelic giggle influenced one to escape from her own windpipe as well. "Are ya like a secret professional soccer player or somethin?"
Heat radiated from her reddening cheeks. Though, this time, it was from the loving and playful comments that her girlfriend had so kindly been spewing out at her. Lorna shook her head with a warm laugh and turned slightly so that she could reach her hands up to frame affectionately around Nicky's cheeks. As she gazed into her big brown eyes, her demeanor quickly shifted to a more serious one. The menacing words that Annalisa whispered about Nicky into her ears echoed through her mind and she felt a knot meld itself into her gut.
She inched her face closer in order for her lips to mold themselves delicately over Nicky's. She held them there for several seconds before moving her head back a slight amount. Her eyes soaked in every single feature of her girlfriend's angelic face. Nothing about her Nicky was bad, she deemed. Nothing Annalisa thought or would say in the future had the capability of changing the simple fact. Nicky was the purest soul Lorna had ever met, had ever had the fortune of falling in love with. No one had the right to speak ill of her precious Nicky. No one. Lorna would kick a million Annalisa's if she had to to prove her point.
"I appreciate the compliment, hon. But me and sports happen to be a disaster when mixed together," a good-natured chuckle followed behind her statement. She lifted a thumb and pressed it softly onto the tip of Nicky's nose, leaning close enough that their foreheads naturally brushed together. "I don't take lightly to anyone who thinks it's okay to talk shit about my beautiful Nicky. Annalisa deserved a lot more than just the tiny kick I gave her."
Nicky's eyes instantly glazed over and she was unable to resist from taking Lorna's head in her hands and gently resting it onto her soft-beating chest. Her chin nuzzled its way back atop the other's head and she swallowed roughly to stop herself from expelling any sniffles. "Well, babe, you're right on one thing for sure—Annalisa deserves much more than that phenomenal kick you gave her."
Once again Lorna couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped her. She snuggled closer to the chest beneath her and pressed her lips delicately around it. "I'm not surprised you would agree, honey," her voice murmured lovingly, lips continuing to stroke gingerly along the flesh it happened to be surrounded by. "You did say ya could arrange for her to become a ghost." Both shared a snicker at the memory. The very fond memory right next to the one where Lorna actually kicked the girl.
"Yeah? I did, didn't I?" The two laughed before Nicky's expression grew solemn.
She rocked the two of them gently back and forth for a moment with her chin pressed down on the top of Lorna's head. Carefully, she lifted her chin and brought her hands down to cradle around her girlfriend's cheeks which in turn raised her up a slight amount as well. Just enough for their eyes to peer into each other, nearly melding together. "Baby, you never did answer my question before that blonde little fucker rudely interrupted us."
Lorna gulped at the unexpected change of topic. "Erm, I mean ya know exactly what Annalisa said…we're stuck working on the assignment together. That's the only reason her name is on the paper."
"Hmm," Nicky acknowledged, though didn't know whether or not she believed her completely. A sigh escaped her, however, and she brought Lorna's face closer to her own so she could place a warm, loving, kiss atop her lips. She nuzzled their faces together and then gently laid Lorna's head back onto her chest. "Okay, doll," her voice murmured; she combed a hand soothingly through thick waves of brown hair. "I just don't want you being taken advantage of, yeah? You're too sweet, Lorna, and I want to make sure no one hurts you because of that."
The two sat there together against the cold tiled-floor of the bathroom stall for what seemed like an eternity to the pair—a heavenly eternity, no doubt—until they heard the ringing of the bell alerting them back to planet Earth. A sound that reluctantly forced the girls apart and on their marry ways—after one last, long, loving embrace of course. When they released their hold on each other, Nicky turned the opposite direction to head to her next class while Lorna went back to the computer lab to retrieve her things as well as print what she had completed.
However, the second she reentered the archway to the tech room she was greeted by none other than the one and only demented Annalisa Damiva. The girl stood right in front of where Lorna was needing to go, making her halt herself from stepping any closer. By the expression on the blonde's face she knew if she were to walk any nearer that could easily cause her to be the next one to lie on that floor in pain. Something she wasn't particularly fancying in that moment.
On the other hand, Annalisa narrowed her stare on Lorna the millisecond she made her way back in the door. No one kicked her and got away with it. She shook her head fiercely while peering the brunette over methodically. Her head quickly turned around to scan the room and, to her fortune, the two previous students who occupied it had long left. Hands rubbed together at the realization. She walked over to the door, shut it, and turned back to Lorna with a devious smirk on her face.
"Think you're real tough now, do ya Morello?"
Lorna shuddered at the closeness between them; the other's breath was easily felt over her face when she spoke out her question. There was a noticeable knot that formed in the pit of her stomach and she gradually backed away. Though the discreetness was not sufficient as she felt Annalisa roughly grab her by the collar of her shirt. "No, no. But I warned ya not to call Nicky names and you-you did it anyway," her voice shakily pointed out, she turned her head away from the other and focused her stare on the computer where her stuff still resided. "I don't regret kicking ya—you were talking trash about my girlfriend."
That was all it took for Annalisa to shove Lorna against the wall away from the door. Her hands grasped gruffly atop her shoulder blades as she restrained her onto the plaster behind her. She moved her face closer, mere inches from Lorna's, and glared rather darkly into her eyes. "I don't care if my insults of your precious little girlfriend hurt ya wee little feelings. You don't get to kick me, little Morello," the words spewed out in an eerily calm tone; she brought a finger up to touch over Lorna's cheek and let her nail dig sharply into the flesh. "You know I could end ya real fast. You better watch your back because if ya ever do some shit like that again I will do worse than give ya a black eye."
Lines scrunched up on the skin of her forehead. Do worse than give her a black eye? The thought ran perturbingly through her mind. Lorna swallowed hard. Was that foreshadowing what Annalisa was planning to do now? Trepidation quickly set in and the only thing she could do to ease her nerves was suck in her lower lip. "What do ya mean do worse than give me a black eye? Ya ain't gave me one to begin with," the words seemed to flow out of her without much processing. She gulped at what might possibly come of her.
"Ya know what? You're right. Let me fix that, yeah?"
A calculating chuckle expelled from her throat as she lifted one of her hands from its previous position on the brunette's shoulder. Balling it into a fist at her side, Annalisa steadily oscillated it and collided her fist starkly into the right side of Lorna's face, merely below her eye. She repositioned that same hand back on the blade of her shoulder and gave her one last glare, "There's a lot more from where that came from, Morello. If ya don't get our assignment done on time, I'll make sure your other eye gets a nice shine too."
Once school finished for the day, Lorna decided against catching up with Nicky and instead headed straight for the bus. Guilt was certainly felt for the decision she made, however, she didn't want to chance Nicky catching sight of her bruised eye from her little run-in with Annalisa earlier. She'd settle for giving the girl a call once she arrived back at her foster family's house. Their weekend plans could wait until tomorrow, she reasoned, at least that would give her time to cover up the bruise. Or, she hoped, maybe it would be faded by morning.
The bus ride to the Chapman's wasn't too long—blatantly quicker than her walk to school earlier—and after she got off, she advanced rather swiftly to the front door of their house. Fingers crossed that no one would be there or, at the very slightest, wouldn't notice the shiner beneath her right eye.
Despite her crossed fingers, when she opened the door she walked into a sitting room full of people buzzing about. Eyebrows furrowed ponderously on her forehead. What the hell had she just entered into? She swallowed uneasily, stood frozen by the front door not sure of what to do. Her eyes searched through the room to see if any of the people had familiar faces but there were no Chapmans in sight. Which only added to the puzzling sensation that already loomed over Lorna.
She busied herself by slipping her shoes off and setting them on the rack. Still pondering on whether she should enter the room fully or run up the stairs to the privacy of the room she'd been staying in. Considering the fact that she wasn't entirely comfortable entering a room full of people she hadn't known, Lorna decided on going up the stairs to her room. She needed to call Nicky anyway to give an explanation for why she never met up with her after all their classes ended.
However, before she could even get her foot on that first step, an elderly woman stood in front of her—one of her wrinkly hands placed over Lorna's shoulder. The sensation immediately caused her to jump backwards, not at all fond of being unexpectedly touched by a stranger. She stood a few feet back from the older woman and allowed her eyes to look her over very precisely. There was a faint familiarity Lorna saw by observing her facial features. The blue eyes and mouth resembled that of both Mr. Chapman and Piper. Such realization made Lorna ponder over whether or not this woman across from her was somehow related to the Chapman clan.
"Ah," the greyed haired woman muttered, standing closely to Lorna. Her blue eyes staring her over with a strong bout of intrigue. "So, you must be the girl Bill and Carol are fostering, yes?"
It felt like the woman had read Lorna's mind. Though she did not state who she was, she inadvertently implied that she shared relations with Mr. and Mrs. Chapman. Which alone was sufficient to quail the young teen's nerves. She allowed herself to relax slightly, nodding her head to the quest she'd been asked. "Yeah, I'm Lorna. I-I, erm, shouldn't be here that long, though." Her teeth dug into her tongue somewhat; she hoped she wouldn't be there much longer, anyway.
Nodding attentively, the greying blonde pursed her lips into a smile. "Well, it's nice to meet you Lorna. I'm Celeste, Bill's mother," she introduced herself—in a tone, to Lorna, that sounded rather forced and through gritted teeth—while reaching out a hand to shake the brunette teen's with. When she complied and Celeste felt the weight of her hand in hers, she gave it a firm shake before releasing it.
"My son has such a big heart, I'll tell you. He's been talking about fostering for a long time. The only reason he hasn't sooner is because of that wife of his." Mrs. Chapman took a pause to inhale a breath of air. She shook her head in a distasteful manner at her own mention of Carol. There was something about her that just rubbed her the wrong way. "Now don't go telling anyone this," she said, leaning closer to make sure that only Lorna had been able to hear her, "Carol can be a bit of a snob. She's a real pain to deal with, Lorna. And that's a lot coming from someone like me—I, too, have been known around here as a snob at times but Carol is the snob bitch."
Once Celeste moved herself back away from her, Lorna subtly scrunched up her nose while trying to process what had just been told to her. Of course, she easily agreed with every word the older woman spoke. There was a vast unnerving aura any time she happened to be within Carol Chapman's presence; she wasn't entirely comfortable around her and hearing what Mr. Chapman's mother said made her sigh in relief to know she wasn't the only one to feel that way.
The girl's silence caused Celeste to innately place a hand back on the top of her shoulder for a friendly squeeze. Her smile had not faltered but grew into a more genuine one than it first was. "Well, for as long as you're here with them, I'm happy to have you as part of the family. I stop over once a week, usually Fridays, so we can gossip over tea about how crazy Carol is as I'm sure you'll come to find out the longer you're here."
It felt as though years passed before Lorna had finally made her way up the stairwell to the guest bedroom she'd been given. Of course, in reality, when she opened her phone and saw the time it was only fifteen minutes which had passed between the start of her conversation with Celeste and her sitting on the mattress of the guest bed now. She pushed herself back so that her spine easily rested on the base of the headboard. Her eyes focused down on the cell phone in her hands, searching through the contacts until she stumbled on Nicky's. A smile melded onto her face as she used her thumb to click on the call button.
She waited through the rings and while she did so, her eyes wandered onto the window that sat upon the wall right beside the bed she rested on. Albeit it being nearly four in the evening, the sun still sat high in the sky with its rays beaming in through the window. The smile on her face only intensified at the sight—that solidified spring was finally on its way. Her thoughts were soon interrupted by the line picking up and the sound of Nicky's warm, husky, voice instantly sent a warm shiver through her body.
"Hey, kid," Nicky affectionately greeted having already seen the caller ID before picking up the call. She sat at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of her that Red prepared for her upon both their arrivals from the school. An affectionate, motherly, gesture that warmed her heart more than anything else. She reached for the mug, lifting it to her lips for a savoring sip.
"How come ya didn't come to your locker after last period? I was lookin' for ya, doll."
The innocent, sweet, query formed a significant pang in Lorna's chest. Her mouth closed and she swallowed a good chunk of air. "I'm sorry, hon. I wasn't feeling too good after my last class so I just wanted to get outta there as quick as possible," the lie easily slipped from her mouth. One she hadn't even pondered over for too long beforehand. A sigh expelled from her lungs and she felt the pang in her chest slightly grow stronger. She didn't like lying to Nicky, however, she also didn't want her seeing that black eye and question her on it.
Lorna's response quickly melded a concerning mien to Nicky's face. She took another sip of her coffee and let it slide down to her throat. "Not feelin' good? Are ya sick, babe? What's the matter?" Her fingertips naturally caressed along the rim of the phone she held pressed up to her ear. She longed for the phone to be Lorna's face she was caressing but that would have to suffice for now since she wasn't there.
"Erm, I'm okay now—I think I just ate something that didn't agree with me."
The explanation should have put Nicky's mind at ease. But it didn't. In fact it only caused more apprehension and worry to form. She felt a knot sit in the pit of her stomach while pondering how to voice her concern on the matter without also upsetting the younger teen. This hadn't been the first time worry had seeped at the thought of Lorna's subtle issue with food. And, sure, the comment appeared rather innocent but Nicky was beginning to wonder if there wasn't some hidden meaning behind it.
After having another sip of the warm beverage in her mug, Nicky sucked in a sharp breath. "Is that all it was, are ya sure? What'd ya eat, kid?"
Lorna swallowed uneasily, eyes retaining their stare out the window on the side of the bed. A couple of birds perched on a nearby tree and when a bustle of wind whirled through one of them flew away. She should have come up with a better lie at the very least, she realized. Lungs erupted a rather large puff of air and she shook her head. She was a professional at digging her own graves.
"Uh, I had an egg for breakfast and ya know, I musta undercooked it is all. But I feel much betta now."
"Mhmm," Nicky muttered. Though she hadn't completely bought what Lorna was trying to pawn off as a reason, she decided against arguing with her on it. There was no use when she had undeniably no evidence to back up her suspicions. Instead, she settled for finishing off the rest of her coffee and placing the empty cup into the sink. "How the hell did ya undercook an egg, doll? Have ya not made them before?"
There was a playful tone in Nicky's voice that easily brought a chuckle from Lorna. Despite the undercooked egg story being a lie, she went ahead and amused her with a response that continued the fib. It wasn't like it was a bad lie; it wouldn't hurt either of them, Lorna reasoned with herself when she felt a guilty pang in her chest. "I mean no, I don't cook much. I just threw it in the pot and moved it around a few minutes," she commented in a nonchalant manner.
Nicky snickered and shook her head. "Well, kid, next time try cooking the egg in a pan instead of a pot, yeah?"
The two shared a few more laughs and spent the rest of their phone call planning out their weekend. It was nearly two hours later when they'd finally ended the call. Lorna rested her head on the pillow behind her, turning on her side to gaze out the window, and smiled. Maybe things were truly starting to turn around for her.
Chapter Text
Chapter Fifty
Another half-hour went by before the sound of knocking jolted Lorna from the bed. Her eyes squinted, she hadn't realized she'd fallen asleep. The sun had almost set along the horizon outside the window. She grumbled slightly and pushed herself up so that her feet were pressing onto the hard wood underneath them. As she strode past the mirror behind the dresser, she caught a glimpse of her bruised eye and shuddered. Hopefully whoever was on the other side of the door didn't notice it.
When she opened the door, she was swiftly greeted by none other than Piper. And by the way she was glancing at her Lorna concluded that the bruising on her right eye was a bit too noticeable. Her feet unnervingly shifted beneath her. "Can I help you?" Rapidly, she regretted the words she allowed to slip out of her. Though, she had no clue what Piper was doing knocking on her door so her question was a valid one. A sigh escaped her and she averted her eyes to the wall behind her.
"Erm, I was just gonna tell you dinner's ready," the blonde started off, her voice a bit on the shaky side after observing the blatant discoloration underneath Lorna's eye. She tried not to stare at it too much but it was as if her eyes were glued to that spot. A lump made its way into her throat and she swallowed hard. "What, uh, what happened to your eye, Lorna?"
Lorna focused her eyes on the wood pattern of the wall they were staring at. A tightness quickly formed in her chest at the query. She hadn't the first clue how to answer it without mentioning what actually happened. With the lie she already fed her girlfriend during their earlier phone call, she felt rather lied out. But she also wasn't about to share any personal matters with someone she hardly knew.
"Oh, um, I'm real clumsy and got hit in the face with a ball during PE today is all. I'm not real sporty, I guess." She subtly shrugged her shoulders while a faintly sheepish smile sat upon her face. Though that wasn't the honest reasoning for her black eye, she knew it would be believable as she was truly the most uncoordinated person when it came to any sort of sport or physical activity, actually.
Piper gave a slow nod, eyes still lingering on the bruise. Despite the explanation given—which was rather convincing—the faint mark of what looked to be a fist where the discolor was made her wonder if there was more to the story. However, she kept her ponderous thoughts to herself and pursed an uneasy smile onto her face. "That sucks. You should take some Advil or something so it doesn't swell. I'll have my mom get some for you. Come on, everyone's waiting at the table and if we don't get there soon, Cal may end up devouring everyone's plate."
If Lorna thought that was the end of her eye being conversed about, she was proved wrong when she sat down at the dining room table between the two Chapman siblings. Everyone paused what they'd been doing the second she sat down and all eyes fell on her. The sensation quickly caused an unwavering amount of discomfort to overpower her. She swallowed a large wad of saliva that had built up beneath her tongue, shifting her eyes down on the plate of food that sat in front of her. A colorful, pleasant to look at, meal. Yet a meal of foods she wasn't too sure were good for her to consume.
The distraction she tried to provide herself by focusing on the foods laid out in front of her was soon interjected by the sound of Mrs. Chapman's voice from across the table. Lorna inwardly sighed and lifted her head to peer over at her with curved eyebrows as she did her best to piece together what she was saying.
Carol held a tight gaze on the young brunette. There was a disdain mien upon her face as she looked her over. She knew the day she and Bill had agreed to take her in that she was certainly a problem child. And now, with Lorna sitting at the table a black eye on her face, her impression had been proven right. She shook her head frustratedly. This was all her husband's fault. If he hadn't have had that damn inclination of his to foster, they wouldn't be in this predicament.
"Did you get in a fight at school or something?"
The flesh on Lorna's forehead creased into puzzled lines above her eyes. That was a question she expected to hear from Cal not Mrs. Chapman. It stunned her enough that she had to take a moment to process it before responding. She looked around the table, watching almost longingly as everyone else seemed to be picking food from their plates and eating it without a thought. How she wished she could do that, too. A sigh escaped her and she returned her focus back on the query.
"No. I got hit by a ball in my PE class," she mumbled while looking down at the roasted chicken and potatoes that sat untouched on her plate. Out of guilt, and nerves, she grabbed her fork from the napkin it rested on next to the dishware and used it to move pieces of potato around the dish.
Mrs. Chapman gave a curt nod while biting delicately into a precisely cut piece of chicken. After chewing and swallowing it, she fixed her eyes back on Lorna who was still yet to eat any of the food. A frown easily formed on her face to notice that. The second time she caught the young teen not touching the food that was kindly prepared for them by their staff. A troublemaker and ungrateful teenager Lorna was proving to be, more and more.
Her hands reached for her glass of wine and she took a decent sip. She cleared her throat while observing the brunette pushing the same piece of potato around her plate in an almost mindless manner. "Is there a reason you keep moving that particular potato around, Lorna? Do you have a problem with the food?" The questions spewed out in a rather bitter voice.
Celeste Chapman, who sat at the head of the table, rolled her eyes at her daughter-in-law's antics. She sure wasn't subtle with her tone, that much she was certain on. Her hand instantly reached for her wine glass and she sipped it in one go. One glass wasn't enough to get her through an entire meal with that woman, she learned that long ago. "Maybe it's because you don't let your potatoes roast long enough," the comment was made under her breath.
Being that he was sitting right beside his mother, Bill swallowed hard when he heard what she said and threw her a hard glance. "Maybe you should slow down with that wine, mom."
Returning her son's stare, the eldest Chapman woman reached for the bottle that was in the middle of the table and brought it back to refill her glass with. Once it was almost at the edge, she stopped and replaced the bottle where it had previously resided. She took possession of her glass and chugged a good amount of it down. Blue eyes narrowing in on Bill. "And maybe you should respect your mother, William. You want me to sit through a family dinner every Friday? Then I will drink as much wine as I so please."
Mr. Chapman exhaled deeply, bringing a hand to his temple and rubbing at it quite profusely. He knew his mother hadn't ever been too fond of Carol. Even at their wedding she had threatened to leave multiple times because of her unrelenting dislike of the woman. Maybe the family dinners weren't the best idea, he thought, but the kids deserved to have time with their grandmother.
After taking a bite of potatoes and swallowing it, he looked back at his mother and shook his head. "I just don't see why you always have to try picking a fight with my wife, mom. She's just asking a question."
Celeste snapped her head at lightening speed when the words spewed from Bill's mouth. Despite the urge to say something back, she refrained and settled for taking another big sip of her wine.
Cal and Piper sat silently in their seats, eating their food as if what was happening had just been a normal everyday occurrence.
Lorna, however, grew more anxious by the second and that only caused her to push the potato around even more. She couldn't even get herself to perform the simple task of the sticking the prong of the fork into the vegetable to bring to her mouth. The sounds mixed together and echoed rather loudly through her mind. The clanging of silverware against dishes, the arguing between Bill and Celeste, and the interrogation of Carol to her—it was all too much. She tried covering her ears with her hands but that didn't do much to stop it.
"If all you're gonna do is sit there and play with the damn food then please excuse yourself," Mrs. Chapman curtly commanded the brunette. Tired of watching her mess with the food that her staff took the time to prepare for them all. She looked her over with disappointment in her eyes. "You need to learn to be more grateful, Lorna. This food was kindly made by good people and by playing with it, you show you don't care. Just take your dish and go."
Lorna was grateful to collapse onto the bed in the guestroom after having put her dish in the kitchen as instructed by the matriarch of the family. The snotty, distasteful, matriarch of the family she mentally corrected. A sigh escaped her and she turned onto her side to peer out the window as she had done earlier. The sun had long been replaced by the shining of the moon. A full moon, nonetheless, and it shone rather copiously through the window. She sighed and brought her hands up to her face, squeezing her cheeks momentarily.
There was a bird pecking its beak against the pane of the window and Lorna put her focus back on that for a moment. The bird was medium sized with a tan-colored tummy from what she could make out on her spot in the bed. She smiled slightly but then it took off and she was left with her thoughts once more. Her mind went back through the dinner debacle and she felt a breath of air expel out of her mouth. She was ashamed of herself for sitting there a fool. What kind of person can't even muster up a small bite of food?
A warm liquid seeped its away along the flesh of her face. Her thumb reached up to touch it and she shuddered slightly when she realized it was a tear. She didn't even know she had been crying. Another couple of tears followed in the previous ones path and she used the palm of her hand to wipe them all away. Maybe she thought too soon. Maybe her life wasn't turning around for the better, after all.
Instinctively, she reached her hand in her pocket for her phone and used her thumb to flip it open. She scrolled through her contacts until she came to Nicky's, quickly clicking the call button. Holding it up to her ear with her shoulder, she sighed and hoped she didn't appear desperate by calling Nicky twice in the same day. Though, this time she needed the distraction badly. So the thought of coming across as desperate didn't play too heavily on her mind.
Waiting through the rings she could acquaint to watching paint dry. An eternity could have passed before she finally heard the line pick up. She swallowed a lump that had formed and took a few small breaths to make sure her voice wouldn't sound as though she'd been crying. "Hi there, hon," Lorna chirped into the receiver, a little too perky she acknowledged after she'd already spoken.
Nicky, however, being the observant teenager that she was, could effortlessly note the subtle disdain that oozed out from her girlfriend's voice. The fact, also, that Lorna was calling her a second time had been quick to alert her that there was something amiss before she even answered the phone. She got up from her spot on the wicker bench on Red's front porch and turned to head inside the house to get some privacy. Once she was in the concealment of her bedroom, she plopped herself stomach-faced down on her bed and instinctively held the phone closer to her ear.
"Hey, doll," she finally murmured into the receiver, brushing the tips of her fingers along the edge of it. "Is everything okay?" The query slipped out rather quickly. Her eyes peered ahead at the wooden pattern of her dresser. She covertly hoped that her girlfriend would be honest with her and not fall into her old ways of pretending things were fine even when that couldn't be further from the truth.
Resting her head back against the pillow underneath it, Lorna drew in a breath of air and pushed the phone upon her ear with a raised shoulder. That was a question she truthfully had no clue how to respond to. Everything that happened during dinner were normal occurrences for most people, yet, for her she felt suffocated sitting there. Lost in her own drowning mind of thoughts. Ears swamped with echoing sounds of voices and clanging silverware and dishware. Normal sounds that, in her head, appeared exaggerated and drawn out.
"Yeah, course' it is," the words slowly came out. She drew a circle around the comforter of the bed with her thumb. Her body instinctively winced when she realized the tone of her voice wasn't as cheerful as it was upon her initial greeting.
On the other end, Nicky noticed the difference in tone as well which only added to her concern. Her chin naturally rested over the top of her arm that had previously been cushioned against the mattress below. "Yeah? This is our second call in less than two hours, doll. Not that I'm complaining, I could talk on the phone with ya forever," she gently pointed out while tapping her fingers softly along the edge of her phone. "But I figured, after our last call, you'd be busy finishing up that project a yours that you so stubbornly said your plan for the night was."
Lorna swallowed a big gob of saliva and mentally cursed herself for that. As always digging herself farther and farther into a steep grave with her own words. She lifted her head slightly, focusing her eyes upon the ceiling above. A sigh puffed out of her. God, she thought, even the damn ceilings in that house were fucking as elegant as ever. The light fixture had the same shimmer as the large one down in the sitting room which only caused her to shake her head. Someone like her didn't belong in an environment that divine.
The faint sound of Nicky's breathing on the other end of the phone innately brought a comfort over Lorna. She felt her body relax against the mattress beneath it, her eyes gradually shifting away from the ceiling and instead onto the mirror attached to the horizontal dresser directly across from the bed she occupied. The way she happened to be positioned meant she was unable to see her reflection in the mirror. A fact she was grateful for at that specific time.
A breath of air involuntarily expelled through her nose. "Yeah, that was my plan."
"Was? What changed your mind, kid? You sure everything's all good?" Concern easily inflected through each word that came from Nicky's mouth. She pushed herself up so that she now sat Indian-style on her bed. Her ear opened up while listening to even the most minute sounds that the phone she held to it picked up on. Though it may have been subtle, and unnoticeable to anyone else, Nicky could effortlessly hear the defeat that came from the younger teen's voice. Which, in turn, only fueled the concern looming over her.
Shutting her eyes momentarily, Lorna contemplated whether she should comment on the dinner fiasco or keep it to herself. Of course, she knew the smart thing to do would be to open up to the girl she loved about it—however, her inner-self was busy convincing her how telling Nicky would only drag her further down and that wasn't something she wanted to do.
She lifted a hand up to place over one of her temples, rubbing at it a bit harsher than she should have. The desire to ignore her inner voice was strong, especially considering how she'd already had to conceal the truth from Nicky over the whole Annalisa incident from earlier. She certainly hadn't felt keen on the idea of lying to her again, now. Her fingers dug slightly further into the flesh of her temple. Why did she—Lorna—have to be so difficult? The question ran through her mind.
"Are you there, Lorn?"
The husky voice rapidly shook Lorna out of her ramped mind and back to their phone conversation. Despite her inner-self telling her not to, Lorna made the decision to be somewhat honest over what had currently been bothering her.
"I'm here, hon. Sorry. I was just tryna think," she started off, eyes mesmerized by the embedded wooden flowers carved onto the wood of the dresser. Her free hand was used to slick back her hair. Opening up was never a task she particularly enjoyed doing, however, she loathed herself for constantly keeping things from Nicky just a tad more. "They just had dinner down in their fancy dining room."
Lungs forced air out which exerted itself through Lorna's mouth. She utilized a couple of fingers from the same hand that moments ago slicked her hair back to now—nervously—twisting around strands of it resting on the side of her face. "It was real awkward, Nicky."
Tilting her head, Nicky felt a sigh push its way from her throat. Her arms desperately craved for Lorna's petite frame to be cradled in them. For the pair of them to be in the same place right now so that she could properly have a look over the younger girl. Instead, she had to settle for hugging a pillow in her arms. A pillow she wished was her Lorna. "What happened during dinner, huh? Are you okay, kid?" She interrogated gently, her lips pressed up closely against the bottom of her phone.
"I'm fine, hon," Lorna answered the latter first while she tried to piece together a comprehendible response to the earlier query. Honestly, she wasn't entirely sure how she was feeling after the whole ordeal. It was a stupid thing to be bothered over, she reasoned. Another sigh easily came up out of her mouth. "I just, erm, I don't really know. I mean nothin' bad happened. It was just—there was so much happening and I guess maybe I got real overwhelmed or somethin'. It's stupid, honestly."
The pillow was instantly tightened in Nicky's arms. As if it truly was Lorna she had been cradling in them. Her eyes peered to the left where the window was located, watching as the stars lit brightly in the merely pitched black sky. "First, nothing that bothers or upsets you is stupid. Ya hear me, kid?" She waited until she heard a muttered 'Mhmm' before continuing to speak. "What was going on that ya got overwhelmed, doll? Maybe if we talk about it, it'll help," her voice carefully suggested, knowing how resistive Lorna could be when it came to discussing what ailed her.
Shoulders shifted up and down in a repetitive, almost robotic-like, trance. Talking about it would only put her right back in that overwhelming moment. Or, at the very least, she'd feel overwhelmed once more. Besides, she didn't even know what there was to discuss. It was only dinner. A time where most families spent sitting together eating a meal and talking. What occurred wasn't anything out of the ordinary, she knew. Why she sat now, on the bed of the guestroom, in near tears was beyond her.
"The talking and dishes clinging together," the words automatically spilled out in a rather monotonous tone. She felt as though she were in a trance right then with her shoulders twisting up and down and her eyes staring blankly ahead into absolutely nothing. "And the questions from Mrs. Chapman and the other Mrs. Chapman kept chugging down glasses of wine. I just—I couldn't handle any of it. My brain kinda stopped working and I just—I sat there like a blob. It was too much, Nicky, too much."
"Shh, shh, shh." Nicky soothingly hushed through the receiver after hearing how worked up Lorna appeared to be getting herself. Which only made her yearn to hold her even stronger. She pulled the pillow she'd been grasping even closer and rested the tip of her chin against the top of it. Once she heard Lorna's breathing slow back into a more normal rhythm, she deemed it safe to respond.
"Two Mrs. Chapmans, ay? You're living with a lesbian couple?" Nicky couldn't stop herself from commenting on that, it was calling out her name. A smirk found its way onto her face despite still feeling rather concerned for her girlfriend.
The urge to let out a chuckle was there but miniscule to say the least. Lorna couldn't seem to wipe the damn frown that etched itself upon her face after the whole ordeal. She turned her head away from the mirror and dresser and gazed out the window displayed on the side of the bed. Wind faintly blew about causing tree branches to bounce back and forth in the air. "Nah, one of them is just the motha of Mr. Chapman. She told me she comes over almost every Friday for dinner," she informed her redhead girlfriend on the other line. Maybe it would have been better if she was staying with a lesbian couple rather than this—blatantly—dysfunctional family here.
Well, that certainly took some of the intrigue away from the foster family her lover had been temporarily living with. Nicky snapped her fingers for dramatic effect after hearing the revelation. "Damn it," she playfully muttered into the phone.
However, the still ever present defeat that oozed from Lorna's tone immediately caused Nicky to grow more serious yet again. She held her phone tighter to her ear and used her other hand to push a loose strand of hair from her eyes. "So, doll, what was Mrs. Chapman asking you? And which one was it—the dad's mom or the mom mom?"
"Uh, er… she just kept asking if I had a problem with the food on my plate. It was the regular Mrs. Chapman," the response spewed out swiftly without Lorna being able to process any of it until she said it. She facepalmed herself when she realized she just called Carol the regular Mrs. Chapman. Her head shook; what the hell kind of comment was that? Was Mrs. Chapman a coffee order now? The queries spun through her mind and she had to cover her mouth to stop from laughing and crying all at once.
On the other side of the phone, Nicky didn't even try to stop herself—a chuckle involuntarily made its way from her larynx. Leave it to her Lorna to make an innocent mishap of words that innately caused a laugh out of anyone who happened to hear it. She lifted her free hand up to push back her thick curls and finally caught her breath from the small fit of chuckling. "The, uh, the regular Mrs. Chapman? Is she a new type a coffee or something, babe?"
That was all it took for Lorna to find herself battling her own fit of laughter. No longer could she stifle them from escaping. She brought a hand up to her face, cradled it around her cheek, and sat there giggling for a near two minutes before they finally ceased. The wording Nicky used was just enough to trigger her laugh reflex, that much was obvious. "Yeah, I didn't really think that through. But are ya sure ya didn't just read my mind? I was thinking how dumb that was for me to say and, erm, how I guess Mrs. Chapman is a coffee order, now."
"When we go to the coffee shop next, I'm gonna order the regular Mrs. Chapman and see what Vause does," Nicky stated matter-of-factly.
Lorna shook her head as another laugh loudly expelled from her throat. "You are not, are ya?" She covered her hands over her mouth to muffle the loudness of her chuckles. Maybe this phone call along with her own stupid comment was exactly what she needed. It felt good to sit there laughing with her girlfriend on the phone. The fact that it was the weekend only added to the ecstasy.
The redhead nodded her head profusely even though she knew Lorna couldn't see it. A smirk had melded onto her face by that point. "You bet your ass I am, kid. And you'll be there to witness it. We'll go tomorrow or Sunday, I'll shoot Alex a text to see when she's working."
"Oh, dear god, hon. She's gonna think you're insane."
Nicky chuckled and pulled the pillow in her arms even closer. Naturally pressing her lips on the top of it and then surprisingly pushing it away when she realized she kissed a pillow and not the top of Lorna's head. Lorna's precious head that wasn't even there to begin with, she reminded herself. "That's the fun of it, kid. It's just a joke." A sigh tumbled out of her when she remembered she hadn't questioned Lorna on the plate of food she had mentioned. Something she wanted to do, out of worry and concern, but also something that would take away from the lightened mood. Another sigh escaped. She didn't want to sour the mood by bringing that back up. Lorna needed the playful distraction, she knew, and so she decided to save her interrogation for tomorrow when they were together in person.
"Just so ya know, doll, I just kissed my pillow because I forgot it was my pillow and thought it was your head I was kissing."
The heart inside of her chest nearly tripled in size from the sweet disclosure that Nicky had shared with her. It simply molded a warm, affectionate, smile onto Lorna's face. She found the gesture so sweet and precious—it showed how truly pure of a soul Nicky was, how loving and angelic she'd been. "Aw, honey, that's the cutest thing I've ever heard," her voice lovingly gushed through the receiver. She tapped her fingers against the back of her phone.
"Yeah? Is that so? Well, I'll have you know I have been holding that pillow since we started talking on the phone. I call it my girlfriend pillow. When I wanna hold ya and can't because we're not in the same place, I grab the girlfriend pillow and pretend it's you," the older teen huskily murmured in response. Her lips so close to the phone that her breathing was transmitted through it as well.
This time Lorna's heart merely melted from the pureness of her girlfriend's actions. It made her acknowledge how Nicky was not just pure but the purest person and soul to ever grace the entire universe. It also caused her to want to be there in the same room as Nicky so that she could take her in her arms and douse her head and face in all the kisses she possibly could. "Okay, that's it. You're the cutest and sweetest person I've ever met, hon. You're making me melt over here, Nicky, with all your precious words."
Nicky warmly chuckled and sat up to reclaim the pillow she'd thrown only seconds ago. With it securely back in her arms, she laid back against the mattress and curled up on her side with the pillow spooned up to her. "I'd much rather it be you in my arms right now than the pillow, though. You need to be cuddled, doll, always," she gently murmured.
"I wish we could be laying in the same bed right now, too, hon. I wanna cuddle you and kiss ya all over the place," Lorna murmured back, her breath deepening the more she fantasized about the two of them all snuggled up in bed together, arms thrown around each other in the most affectionate of ways.
Her body craved desperately to be touching Nicky's, to be pressed up against the warmth of her sweet lover. For their lips to smash together and their hands to wrap around each other's fleshy cheeks. Their foreheads naturally resting atop each other. She shut her eyes, easily becoming lost in her daydream. She could picture Nicky's angelic face right next to her own and their noses touching as they pushed their lips together in a hot, heated, kiss. Both of them already stripped of their pants and shirts, the bare skin of their abdomens pressing together as if they were one being. Hands rubbing frantically up and down the sides of each of their bodies.
"That could easily be arranged, baby."
It wasn't until that comment was spoken from Nicky's mouth that Lorna had realized all of what she had been entrenched in was all only in her head. But then, after her eyes reopened, she sensed a sticky warmth in her panties and came to the conclusion the journey she just went on in her mind had simply caused her to orgasm.
She swallowed a wad of saliva—a built up she hadn't known was there until now—and forced herself to sit up. "Oh, hon, as much as I'm tempted by that…I, uh, I think we oughta just stick to our plan for the sleepover tomorrow. I kinda don't think the, erm, Chapmans will let me come over tonight, anyway. Mrs. Chapman is kinda mad at me, I think."
A reluctant sigh made its way from Nicky's mouth. "I guess we can do that, kid. I don't want to get you in trouble with the Chapmans. But we'll talk about that tomorrow, yeah? I wanna know what's going on. I'm worried about ya, babe. I love you. Sleep well, my sweet Lorna and I'll see ya tomorrow."
Chapter Text
Chapter Fifty-One
The morning sunlight poured through the room swiftly awaking Lorna from her rather restful slumber. Her eyes opened and immediately squinted from the brightness of the sun's rays beaming over her. She sat herself up, throwing the sheet and comforter off of her body and took a few moments to stretch herself. When she finished, she quickly got up, made the bed, and grabbed a pair of clothes from her suitcase to take with her into the adjoining bathroom.
Once in there, and the door shut and locked behind her, she switched on the light as well as turned the knob of the water on inside the shower. The wide mirror which took up nearly half of the wall directly in front of the shower sent a shiver down Lorna's spine. She hadn't even undressed herself yet and she already felt nauseous to see the reflection it projected back of her. Swallowing thickly, Lorna very reluctantly removed her shirt and pants first. Before taking off her underwear, she took a few moments to look thoroughly over her bare abdomen and thighs.
The sight innately caused her head to shake, disgusted to observe all of the flabby flesh that made up her stomach and upper legs. She reached a hand down to her gut and pulled at a chunk of the skin, yearning to chop it off right then and there. Her hand gradually moved down to her thighs, repeating the same movement and letting out a sigh. There was nothing about her body that she liked and none of it would ever be worthy of being seen or touched by sweet, precious, Nicky. She frustratingly smacked her hand against the flesh of her abdomen and turned away from the mirror to enter inside the shower.
Hot water poured down from the head connected to the top of the wall. Lorna shut her eyes and allowed herself to relax at the sensation of the warm water running over her skin. Though her mind swirled with thoughts of why she shouldn't let herself enjoy standing beneath the running water. Thoughts that told her she was unworthy and undeserving of anything that brought her even the slightest amount of joy or peace. She grunted at the unrelenting chatter inside her head and cupped her hands to gather some of the water with.
With a decent amount of water now cradled in her hands, she lifted it to her face and splashed the water upon it. She hoped the motion would have subdued the whirling thoughts but in actuality, it only seemed to enhance the mind chatter. Her eyes searched the area and the sight of a lonely razor blade lying on the wall-embedded soap bed was observed from the corner of them. Naturally, Lorna reached a hand out for it; cupping it securely around the tiny object.
The small blade felt cold against the skin of her palm. It ignited a faint shiver out of her body and she used her other hand to turn the hot water knob up a tad further. After, she returned her focus onto the blade lying upon the other hand. Her eyes looked it over in a vastly precise manner. It wasn't much bigger than a quarter the closer she stared. Something that little had no business cutting deep wounds into human skin. Yet, that was exactly what she had planned on using it for. Maybe not too deep, though, she certainly didn't want to risk needing stitches or anything crazy like that.
Not too much time passed before Lorna finally deemed herself ready to follow her plan she'd mentally laid out. She took a final glance over the blade, swallowing anxiously, and shifted her eyes over to her legs. They searched thoroughly around them, trying to locate a discrete spot that would easily be covered from the view of others. She settled for a place on her upper thigh and maneuvered the blade so that it was pinched between her thumb and pointer finger. Once it was brought onto the flesh of her thigh, she carefully rested the blade on the top of it and allowed it to just sit there a few seconds while she mentally readied herself for what was to come.
Her eyes squeezed shut as she slowly dug the sharp part of the blade into her skin. The contact between them was a lot less painful than Lorna was expecting. She didn't even flinch. In fact, the nonexistent pain only encouraged her to stick the sharp edge of metal into the flesh a second and, even, a third time. Each time it caused minimal pain while drawing a small amount of blood—miniscule, really. The blood washed away from the running water and watching that brought a serene sensation over Lorna. As if she was witnessing the bad parts of her wither away.
There was a euphoric feeling that came along with each cut through her skin—she wanted to keep going and going but the water started to turn cold and so she decided it was time she got out of there.
By the time she dried off, dressed in her day clothes, and made her way down the stairs, it was already mid-morning. When she arrived at the bottom of the staircase, right on the cusp of the sitting room and entryway, she was greeted by Cal and Piper hurriedly grabbing their shoes from the rack next to the door and pushing their feet into them. She turned her head to peek through the rest of the room but found that Mr. and Mrs. Chapman were nowhere in sight. Her focus returned to the pair of siblings, eyebrows arched over curious eyes.
Shoes now covering her feet, Piper reached for her coat off of the coat stand. She was halfway into it when her eyes finally noticed Lorna standing a few feet away from both she and Cal. Looking blatantly confused and somewhat uneasy. Piper finished pulling her arm through the other arm hole before properly focusing her attention on the brunette. "Cal and I are headed into town for a coffee. Wanna come? We always go to this nice little coffee house down there on Saturday mornings," she offered with a friendly smile.
That would work out rather perfectly with her plans for the day, Lorna came to acknowledge. If the coffee place Piper was talking about was the one she and Nicky always went to, then she could walk right to Nicky's place afterwards and save her the trouble of having to drive up there. A smile melded onto her face and she nodded her head enthusiastically. "Yeah, that'd be real nice. I think that might be the same one I go to for coffee—it doesn't happen to be the one a few blocks down from that creepy old cemetery is it?"
"The coffee shop by the creepy old cemetery? The owner missed the opportunity to call it the Creepy Coffee House," Cal chimed in with a chuckle and arched up lightly-colored eyebrows.
Despite the shake of her head, Piper stifled a laugh at her brother's absurd comment. He was too much, she thought, but without him, life would be utterly dull and boring. "Why don't you tell that to them then, Cal? Maybe you could get a cut for helping them rename the place with such a cutting edge title," sarcasm clearly the main inflection in her voice as her eyes looked her younger brother over methodically.
She didn't give him a chance to respond before turning back to return Lorna's gaze. A more genuine smile took up space on her face. "I'm pretty sure that's the same one we go to. They have good coffee and it's nice to get a break from the regular black every day coffee."
"Oh, you're just so funny, Pipes," the blond teen muttered, though a smirk sat across his cheeks. He walked nearer the door, turning before opening it and called out, "I'll be in the car, ladies."
With the sound of the front door closing, the two girls stood there a few moments longer while Lorna quickly put on her own shoes and coat. "That'll make my day a whole lot easier. My girlfriend lives a few blocks down from the coffee shop and, erm, we have plans to hang out at her place so she was gonna drive up here to get me but now I can just walk there after we get coffee. So, uh, this really worked out good."
The two shared a friendly smile before following in Cal's footsteps and heading out the door behind him. Piper stayed back to lock the door and then made her way to her car, taking ownership of the driver's side seat.
From the Chapman's house to the coffee shop was a bit of a longer drive than Lorna was used to. Grant it, they did happen to live slightly farther out than where the Morello house had been located—so, of course, it made sense as to why the drive took a little longer. However, the car pulled up to a spot and parked along the side of the road behind a row of a few other cars. Lorna didn't wait for the two others; she threw her seatbelt off and swiftly pushed open the door.
As she stood on the outside, the sun beaming down on her, she realized how unusually warm it was and rolled up the sleeves of her coat. She walked down the two cement pads from Piper's car to the front door of the coffee shop and chirpily opened its front door. The bell chimed while she stepped inside, alerting the baristas of her presence. She turned her head and noticed the Chapman siblings were just now getting out of the car. Her feet naturally made their way down to where the sales counter was.
With it being a Saturday morning—rather mid-morning—Lorna was expecting there to be a longer line but was relieved to see only one other person in front of her. And by the looks of it, the person appeared to only be waiting for their coffee to finish being prepared. She watched as they were, within a few seconds, being handed a plastic traveler's cup of coffee and then quickly made their way back towards the door. Her eyes averted back onto the counter in front of her and a smile formed when it was her sister she saw on the other side of it.
"Hi, Franny," she greeted in a vivacious tone, walking closer to the tall wooden counter and grabbing her handbag from her shoulder. Placing it on the surface, she rummaged through it for her wallet and took out the proper amount of cash. "Can I have the Cinnamon Toast Crunch latte, please?"
The taller brunette instantly turned around at the sound of her younger sister's voice. Her blue eyes peered her over meticulously, trying to read her as best as she could. A smile made its way onto her face and she gently reached a hand across to frame around Lorna's cheek. Having her sister so far away had been taking a toll on her. Sure, she knew Lorna could be a handful and was damn good at fraying every last one of her nerves—but that certainly didn't mean she wanted for her to have to stay with a family none of them even knew.
Franny sighed. At least Lorna looked well. Or well enough. "Of course, hon. Ain't that what ya always get anyway? Ya ain't even gotta tell me, I can just guess," she pointed out in a light-hearted manner and the two of them shared a warm chuckle.
While she got to work at preparing the coffee for her sister, she shifted her eyes just enough so that she could see Lorna from the corner of them. "How're ya doin', Lorn? Is everything good with you? They treatin' my baby sister well over there?" The questions came out of her so fast that there wasn't any time for her to stop them. She clicked the switch for the frothing machine and while that worked its magic, she retained her stare on the smaller brunette across from her.
"I'm okay, Franny. Still getting used to it but they're nice. I actually came here with Mr. and Mrs. Chapman's son and daughta. They should be coming in soon," Lorna responded, automatically twisting her head around to peer back out through the window on the door. The pair of them sure seemed to be taking their good ole' time, she thought.
Nodding, Franny grabbed the cup from underneath the machine—once she heard the switch click off—and brought it back to the front of the counter where she covered it with a lid and handed it to her sister. The look on her sister's face was hard for her to decipher. A puff of air made its way from her lungs. There wasn't time for her to ponder any deeper by the sound of the bell above the door ringing once more.
Her head turned towards to it and she noticed the brother and sister making their way down from the entrance. She squinted her eyes and recognized them to be repeat customers who happened to stop by nearly every Saturday morning for a cup of coffee. Shifting her head slightly back onto Lorna, she moved her eyebrows up as if silently questioning her on if those were the Chapman siblings. When a nod was given, she actually felt her body relax somewhat. At least her sister was living with a seemingly normal family, she concluded.
"What can I get the two a ya this morning? The usual?" Franny queried. Two nods were received and so she went to work on getting those made.
Lorna, however, stood there stunned. Eyebrows curved over two very surprised eyes. The usual? That meant Franny had interacted with Cal and Piper before. Then she mentally slapped herself when she realized that it was only natural Franny would ask if the two wanted their usual—Piper previously informed her that she and Cal had stopped by the coffee shop every Saturday. Obviously that would make them regular customers and regular customers usually had the baristas remembering their orders rather innately. That was only natural. She sighed and placed a hand on either side of her forehead.
"Sorry we took so long," Piper apologized between breaths, still trying to catch it from the running she and Cal had done to make it inside before the unexpected rainfall began. Her eyes slightly narrowed as she focused in on her younger brother. "Cal, over there, thought it'd be smart to jam in one of his cassettes into the player without checking to see if one was already in it." She glared even darker at the boy, "And now, not only does my cassette player not work but both cassettes half their films are scrambled all over the front two seats of my car."
Cal bit down on his lower lip to keep himself from letting out a snicker. He bounced his shoulders up in a shrug, "Ah, Pipes, but that was only an experiment for my science class."
Shaking her head, the blonde woman folded her arms over her chest and stared harder at him. "Oh, really? And exactly what kind of science experiment would that be? Jamming as many cassettes in a cassette player as possible to watch it break?"
"Yeah, that's basically it," Cal playfully retorted back.
The two were interjected from saying anything further on the matter by the sound of plastic cups being placed on the surface of the counter. Each of them grabbed their respective coffees after Franny told them which was who's and Piper reached into her purse for her wallet, taking out a credit card and handing it over to the brunette.
Franny rung up the order on the register and as she waited for the receipt to print out she utilized that time to look over the two customers very carefully. They weren't bad people, she knew that much from their politeness that they always seemed to exuberate when stopping by for their coffees. Sure, the boy seemed a bit odd but so was Lorna at times.
"I'm Lorna's sista," she stated once the receipt finally printed and she carefully handed it across to Piper. Suddenly, a protectiveness came over her and all she wanted was to make truly sure that her sister was in good hands with the Chapmans. Because she had no clue when her guardianship request would finally go through the system to be accepted.
Piper nearly choked on her coffee upon hearing that. Not that what she heard was a bad thing but rather wasn't something she had been expecting to hear right at that particular moment. She covered her hand over her mouth in case any of the liquid came out and once she was able to stop coughing, she swallowed hard. "Really?" Her eyes watched as the older woman gradually nodded her head. Piper followed suit and found herself nodding as well. "Well, what a small world. What's your name?"
"Franny," Lorna jumped in before the other brunette even had the chance to speak. "Her name is Franny. She's my sista." There was a faint irritation that seeped from her voice. Something that took her by surprise the second she noticed it. When had she become so flustered? Why was she even flustered to begin with? Her mind ran ramped.
Lorna twisted herself so fast that she thought for sure her neck would have snapped in half. Eyes peered over the two blonde Chapmans with an indistinguishable mien etched on her face. "Ya said you come here every Saturday, don't you?" An uneasy nod was given to her from the older blonde and, for an unknown reason, that only fueled her current irritation. "Then how come ya don't know my sista's name is Franny, huh? I mean ya see her make your coffees every week and ya don't even got the decency to remember her name?"
The two blondes stood back in a bit of shock from Lorna's unanticipated outburst. Neither said anything or even budged an inch, unsure of what to do or say next.
Franny, on the other hand, gave her sister a serious look and crossed her arms over her chest. It was blatant to her that something was eating at the girl's nerves for her to speak out in such a hostile tone as the one she just did moments ago. "Lorna, stop it. It's not a big deal. Not like I know their names either, hon. They come once a week, not every day. Besides why are ya so bothered by that? It don't affect you," she pointed out, worried lines forming from the flesh of her forehead.
"Should we go?" Cal interrupted, eyebrows arched up in utter confusion. He looked between Piper and the two brunettes, not quite sure what was happening. "Yeah, Pipes, let's go sit at a table far, far, away. Leave these two to hash out whatever it is they're hashing out."
With the two of them gone to occupy one of the tables, Franny took that chance to walk over to the gate which separated the dining area from the employee area and held it open, motioning with her hand for Lorna to come through. Lorna complied, hesitantly of course, and Franny led her to the break room so the pair of them could talk without anyone else overhearing what might be said.
Lorna sullenly plopped down in one of the plastic chairs across from her sister and busied herself with a long sip of her coffee. She was in no mood to discuss any distasteful topics with her older sister today. That was for certain, she mentally affirmed. Today needed to be a good day. An easy day that she could allow herself to not worry about school, Annalisa, or the goddamn foster situation. She wasn't about to let Franny ruin that for her by sitting and interrogating her for god-only-knew how long.
Observing the younger brunette closely, Franny squinted her eyes when she caught a glimpse of an oddly shaded spec of skin beneath one of Lorna's eyes. The discoloration appeared fresh, she noted, which meant it wasn't an old bruise from their father. Coming to such a conclusion formed a frown on her face. She swallowed hard and felt her hands ball into fists. She hoped to God that wasn't a sign that the foster family Lorna had been forced into also had abusive parents in it.
"What's the matter with your eye, Lorn? Why is there a dark mark under it?" The taller brunette with blue eyes inquired. She had to bite down on her tongue to keep the fury from showing. The facts needed to be given to her before she made any rash assumptions, she wordlessly reminded herself. Something she clearly struggled with doing when it came to her sister's well-being.
The question immediately brought Lorna's hand to cover up the flesh underneath her eyes. Shit, she thought. If Franny noticed it, that meant she did a shitty job of covering it up with make-up. And if it happened to be that easy for her sister to see through, it would prove to be even easier for Nicky to do so. A lump formed in her throat, she swallowed it down uneasily. The hand that was pressed against the skin below her eye Lorna patted it overtop as if to blend the make-up better. Obviously, it was too late. She sighed in defeat.
"What do ya mean, Fran? I just put too much mascara on this mornin' and it musta leaked down to my skin." Lorna shrugged her shoulders in a rather nonchalant manner, hoping desperately that her sister would buy it and drop the subject.
However, Franny did no such thing. The words her sister used to try to explain away the odd coloring were not convincing Franny of anything. She reached a hand across to place on the flesh below Lorna's eye and when she caught her wincing, she knew for sure her explanation was nothing more than a lie. The frown already on her face only intensified. She moved her hand from the mark and settled it on the bottom of Lorna's chin, gently lifting it so that they were on eye level.
"That's not from too much mascara, we both know that," her voice firmly pointed out, though her blue eyes peered her over in nothing except a deep concern. She brushed one of her fingers delicately along the flesh of the chin she cradled. A sigh forced its way out from her lungs. "The way ya flinched when I touched it proves that fact, hon. Now, tell me what happened. Where'd ya get that bruise, huh?"
Lorna's chest rapidly tightened. She should have taken her time to properly cover that damn discoloration up better. Now, her grave had been dug even deeper as if that was possible. Any deeper and she might as well just bury herself alive. To procrastinate her response a tad further, she picked up her cup of coffee and sipped the warm liquid slowly. The sensation of it sliding from her mouth down to her throat was rather soothing. Kept her calm even though her thoughts were spinning like crazy.
The clearing of her sister's throat made Lorna unnervingly gulp. Staying quiet any longer wouldn't be of any benefit to either of them, she realized. She sighed and stared slightly off into the abyss while trying to construct a response to the older girl's question. Her mind pondered for a few minutes before she remembered what she had told the Chapmans when they had questioned her the prior evening. Clearly, she needed to keep it consistent in order for everyone to believe her.
"Yeah, you're right," she muttered against the plastic of her coffee cup she'd still held near her mouth. "I just I get embarrassed over it. You know how clumsy I am, Fran. We were playin' dodgeball in PE yesterday and I got hit by a ball, that's why my eye is bruised." A few new details added to the story she had regurgitated to the Chapman clan during last evening's dinner.
Much to Lorna's satisfaction, Franny nodded her head attentively. The reason sounded sufficient enough for her. Her fingers caressed gently around the skin of the younger brunette's chin. Lorna certainly was the most ungraceful person she knew when it came to physical activities like sports and whatnot. It made perfect sense, now, why there lied a bruise under her sister's eye. "Well, Lorn, ya gotta be more careful. Looks like ya got in a fight or somethin'. I'm glad it's just from you being a klutz and not what I was thinking," she informed the other. Her hand moved Lorna's face closer so that she could drop a motherly kiss to the top of her head. Relieved would be an understatement.
Bouncing her shoulders in a muted shrug, Lorna lifted her cup of coffee once more and guzzled a good portion of it down. The only thing her stomach actually had the chance to digest lately. Her eyes shifted onto Franny's face and she perked her eyebrows up somewhat. "Did ya hear anything about the guardianship yet, Fran?"
The query reinstated the frown that had previously taken up form. Franny hesitantly shook her head. It had been a mere week since she'd turned in the huge packet of paperwork and still had yet to receive a call that they'd even gotten it. "Not a thing, hon. Hopefully soon. But if not by Tuesday, I'll try callin' their office. That CPS person did say it could take a while, though, Lorn. We gotta be patient. And speaking of patient, I think ya got a therapy session coming up in a week. Ya want me to come get ya from the Chapman's? I think it'd be better if I take ya to it, don't you?"
"It better be real soon. I miss you and Marco," Lorna grumbled through her teeth. Despite it only being a week she'd been staying with the Chapman family, it felt more like an eternity or two. She puffed out a breath of air and rested her head on her arms which were laid out on the table in front of her. "Yeah, please, Fran. It'd be better that way. Mrs. Chapman already thinks I'm a mess, don't want her to think even more a that by knowing I gotta go see a shrink."
Placing another comforting kiss to her sister's head, Franny shook her head and got up to walk over to the other side where she was to wrap her in a much-needed embrace. "You're not a mess, hon. And if this Mrs. Chapman says that to ya, she has another thing comin'. The only one who can call ya a mess is me and that's only because I'm your sista and it's outta love."
The walk from the coffee shop to the front porch of Nurse Reznikov's and Nicky's place was a short one. A relaxing, short, one at that. The little drizzle of rain from earlier had long fizzled out and sunshine poured down from the sky making Lorna's journey a warm and pleasant one. Her mood chirpy once more after the long, clearly essential, conversation she had with Franny in that secluded break room. She lifted one of her hands to knock on the beautifully carved wooden front door.
A smile melded to her face as she caught sight of a rabbit hopping about the grass in Red's yard. The rabbit seemed rather serene, angelic even, while it jumped from one spot to the next. Her eyes picked up on the creaking of wood against hard flooring and she turned her head back towards the front door where she was greeted by Red's standing on the other side of it. There sat a warm smile from one cheek to the other and she opened the door all the way so that Lorna could fully enter through it.
Lorna obliged, walking inside and naturally taking off her shoes as to not track any mud or grass from outside. Once she placed her shoes on the shoe mat right beside the door, she followed Mrs. Reznikov into the kitchen where a kettle of tea whistled on the stove and a pot of coffee finished brewing on the countertop next to it.
With the kettle making the most noise, Red decided to tend to that first. She walked over to the stovetop, turning one of the heating knobs all the way to the right to shut it off, and picked the kettle up to bring over to where she'd placed her cup. Hot water poured into it up to the very rim. Red placed the kettle back down and grabbed a tea-bag to place in her mug of water. While it steeped, she lifted her head to focus her blue eyes on Lorna. Who seemed much more like her bubbly self than the last time she'd spent the night there.
"Would ya like coffee or tea?" She questioned with a warm smile. A question that was probably pointless seeing as she knew how much both Lorna and Nicky adored their coffees. But it was a question she had asked, nonetheless.
Returning Red's smile with one of her own, Lorna grabbed herself a mug that she'd seen sitting in the strainer near the sink and set it down by the darkly-filled pot of coffee. "Do ya even have to ask? Coffee, please. Do you got cream and Splenda, Red?"
Shaking her head, Mrs. Reznikov let out a laugh and pointed towards a drawer on the other side of the kitchen. "You're right, I didn't even have to ask. Splenda's in there and I'll get out the creamer," Red told her. She walked over to the fridge while Lorna went to retrieve the sweetener and took the carton of half-and-half from inside it. She carried it back over to where Lorna had placed the mug she'd chosen and set it on the counter beside it.
"Where did you come here from, Lorna? I'm assuming you walked, yes?" The queries escaped her as she took the pot of coffee from underneath the filter and poured a decent amount into Lorna's cup.
Cradling two yellow packets of sweetener in her hands, the petite brunette came back to where she placed the ceramic mug onto and emptied both sachets into it—the white powder instantly disintegrating upon contact with the golden brown liquid. Red handed her a spoon, which she graciously took, and she used that to stir it all together with. Her brown eyes shifted up to peer back at the Russian woman. "You're not gonna believe this, Red, but I was at the coffee shop down the street with the two siblings from the foster family I'm staying with."
Red chuckled and placed a gentle hand on Lorna's shoulder, patting it warmly. "So ya went and had a fancy coffee and then you come here and have another coffee? Lorna, honey, did you ever think you might have a coffee problem?" The pair of them shared a laugh before Red gestured for Lorna to follow her to the table.
The brunette abided, walking over to sit in the chair across from Mrs. Reznikov. Her hand made its way through the handle of the mug—which she had cradled—and she lifted it to her lips for a savoring sip. A light-hearted smirk molded onto her face from one cheek to the other. Having a coffee problem was something she happily admitted to. Coffee was a delicacy that she felt no shame for her obsession over. She took a couple more sips of it before setting the mug atop the table's surface.
"I can't help it, Red, my Nonna used to fix me and my sista and brotha coffee soup when we were kids," Lorna recalled with a genuine smile on her face. She bounced her shoulders in a shrug.
Shaking her head, Red sipped her tea and peered the young teen over in a methodic manner. The revelation hadn't been too much of a surprise to her—growing up in Europe, it was common ground for grandparents to give grandchildren small amounts of coffee and—in some families—miniscule sips of wine. Still, she was in a chipper mood this morning, and by the looks of it so was Lorna, so she decided to keep with the good-natured banter.
"Started drinking coffee as a child? How old were ya having this coffee soup, hmm?"
Lorna felt her smile morph into a more sheepish one now. Cheeks turned a light shade of pink, which wasn't too noticeable unless one was sitting right beside her. "I think I mighta been two or three the first time I had it." She couldn't resist the small giggle that escaped her at the lovely memory.
Red's eyes quickly widened at the disclosure. That was rather young to be drinking a beverage like coffee, she rationalized. Another long sip she took of her tea before responding to the other's statement. "Two or three? That's barely older than a baby. A little young to be having coffee, don't you think?" Despite the query, a light laugh escaped from her. She finished off what was left of her tea and carried it over to place in the sink.
"Who's a little young to be drinkin' coffee?" Nicky's voice boomed through the room as she entered through the archway from the hall.
Her hair sat along her shoulders and upper back, dripping wet from the shower she'd just gotten herself out of. She walked over to the counter to fix herself a cup of the very word she'd slipped out of her mouth a moment earlier.
The mug now washed and rinsed, Red place in the strainer to dry. She turned around to focus her eyes on Nicky and a bemused mien formed on her face to see the condition of her red curls. Hands rested over each of her hips; a finger pointed in the teen's direction, wagging slightly at her. "Why do you never run a brush through your hair after you shower, Nicky? Then ya wonder why it gets all knotted."
Nicky only shrugged while grabbing a mug from one of the cabinets and using the pot to pour hot liquid into it. After replacing the vessel under the machine, she cradled her cup in her hand and took a long awaited sip of it. Her eyes momentarily shut as the first taste hit her tongue. Nothing was better, in the morning, than that first sip of coffee. She walked over to the table and sat down. The mug was placed on its surface and for the first time, she noticed Lorna's presence. And a very notable discoloration on the skin below her right eye.
Instinctively, she reached a hand out and placed it tenderly onto that very spot. She peered her eyes affectionately into Lorna's while caressing her palm delicately around her flesh. "What happened to your eye, baby? Did someone do this to ya? I know that bruise was not there yesterday," the words firmly, yet lovingly, came out of her. Nicky kept a firm grasp on Lorna, wanting her to know there was no way to get out of answering her inquiry with anything other than the truth.
The rate of Lorna's heart-beat instantly raised an alarming amount from the question that so easily spilled from her girlfriend's mouth. She nearly choked on the coffee which had been in her mouth at the timing of Nicky's interrogation. It maddened her that she hadn't checked her face thoroughly enough before leaving the house. Now, even the girl she loved had realized the bruising below her eye. She felt a lump mold inside the pit of her stomach.
Chapter Text
Chapter Fifty-Two
Hearing the conversing between the teens, Red's ears perked up in wonder. Her eyes hadn't noticed what bruising lie beneath the skin of Lorna's eye that her daughter had queried over. She folded her hands on either of her hips, peering attentively over at Lorna—searching her face in a precise manner in the hopes of finding the very bruise Nicky had referred to. It took a matter of minutes but she finally noticed the slight discoloring of the skin underneath it and instantly sensed her motherly instincts kicking into gear. She moved her hands from her hips and instead folded her arms over her chest.
"Yes, Lorna, what did happen to your eye? Did ya smack your face on something?"
Having both of them seemingly cross-examining her over the damn mark brought a fierce uneasiness over Lorna. Her hands both cradled tightly around the ceramic of her mug. She tapped her fingers against its rim while trying to calm her mind enough so that she could give a verbal explanation. The same one she had recited to both Franny and the Chapmans' earlier. If only she could get the words to come to her. Focusing on what story she had already created proved to be more of a challenge than she had anticipated.
To give her another couple of moments of stalling, Lorna lifted the mug she cradled up to her mouth and sipped it slowly. The liquid warmly glided down to her throat, leaving her a soothing sensation in its wake. She repeated the motion for several seconds longer until the coffee had been completely devoured by her mouth. Now that the cup rested empty in her hands, she set it back down on the surface of the table. She looked up, averting her eyes between the two redheads.
A sigh erupted through her windpipe. "Oh, erm, it's from my PE class yesterday," Lorna nonchalantly started off, shrugging her shoulders as the words slipped from her mouth. "We were playin' dodgeball and ya know, I kinda didn't doge the ball and wound up with a real nice shiner. No big deal. I tried to cover it up because I was embarrassed. I'm just real clumsy I hate it."
Red squinted her eyes momentarily and then nodded her head as if to silently affirm Lorna that she believed her. "Don't worry, honey, I was never coordinated in my high school gym class either. Not everyone is born to be athletic. There's no reason for you to feel embarrassed over that—things happen. I'm sure the other kids will forget about it by Monday, anyway," her thick Russian accent gently assured the young brunette. She shook her head, though, remembering just how petty high schoolers could be. There wasn't sufficient money in the world to convince her to be a teenager again; that was for certain.
Nicky, however, hadn't been entirely sold on the explanation her girlfriend had given. But decided to wait until the two of them were alone to investigate further on the matter. For now, she settled on reaching across the table and placing a warm kiss to the bruised flesh underneath Lorna's eye. Her hand remained cupped around a porcelain cheek and she used her other one to caress gentle circles around it with.
"You are a little on the klutzy side, doll, I guess that would make sense." The comment easily spilled from between Nicky's teeth. Her eyes caught sight of Lorna's cheeks turning a darker shade of red and how she ever-so-slightly bowed her head down, as if in shame of herself. The action quickly had Nicky placing her hand beneath her chin, gently lifting it up so their eyes were on the same level. "I find your clumsiness very endearing, kid. Please don't feel embarrassed."
She brushed the tips of her fingers delicately along the flesh of Lorna's chin. Brown eyes gazing into hers with the utmost compassion and warmth. "Ma's right—stuff like that happens to anyone, it's not a big deal. And if anyone harps on ya about it, tell me and I'll play dodge ball with them—with their faces being the dodge ball," she spoke the last part in a quieter voice so that only Lorna heard her. A light-hearted smirk melded on her face when the comment caused a breathtaking giggle to escape through the other's throat.
After Nicky finished her coffee—a good thirty minutes later—and the pair of them had sat chatting for a while at the kitchen table, the older of the two decided it was time they went to her room for some more secure privacy. As soon as they both had entered inside of it, she turned to shut and lock the door for safe measures. Her eyes watched over Lorna intently, a growing worry oozing through. Despite the reason Lorna had given as to how the bruise under her eye had been received, Nicky still couldn't fully allow herself to believe it. Something just felt off about it.
Lorna sat down on the mattress of Nicky's bed since it was the only place to do so besides the floor and turned her head slightly to peer out of the window. The sun was still shinning brightly through the sky and Lorna instantly felt a smile mold between her cheeks. With spring on the horizon her mood was a lot less dreary than it had been in months. She loved the warm weather, the sunshine, and all the beautiful plants that came along with it.
When she felt the mattress sink a bit further, her attention shifted from the window and onto the culprit which happened to be Nicky. Her smile widened and she reached her arms over to lovingly encircle around the girl she adored more than anything. She naturally rested her lips on the flesh of Nicky's forehead, cradling one of her hands softly around a cheek. "It's real nice outside today, hon. Look," her breath hot against the older girl's ear while she gestured a hand out at the window.
Nicky followed her instruction and turned her head to peer out the window that Lorna's hand so enthusiastically pointed at. The sun's rays poured in through the pane; leaf buds were noticeable on the branches of nearby trees. She smiled and put her attention back on the brunette next to her and wrapped her arms lovingly around her waist.
"I see, babe. It's very nice out. Guess spring is finally coming, yeah?" Her voice murmured softly while she brushed her fingers gingerly through thick strands of Lorna's brown waves. A sigh escaped her. She wanted to keep the conversation light-hearted and fun, but the looming sensation of whether or not Lorna's story on how the bruise under her eye came to be was weighing way too heavily on her to not say anything.
"It is, I can see leaves starting to come back. And my mood has been real upbeat which confirms it's spring time, Nicky," Lorna excitedly pointed out, her eyes wide as she moved in a way so that she could scoot herself directly in front of the window. She leaned her face against it and looked in awe at the numerous trees that finally started to look as though they had life back in them.
The sight and sound of pure euphoria which emanated from Lorna caused Nicky's breath to hitch heavily in her throat. To think she was about to ruin that for her made her heart beat even faster inside her chest. Taking Lorna's happiness away was never something Nicky yearned to do. She bit down on her tongue as she silently contemplated whether to continue with her plan or not. No matter if she acted on it now or later, eventually the topic would need to resurface and either way the outcome wouldn't particularly be the most favoring to neither one of them.
She let out a drawn out sigh and moved herself closer to the younger girl. Her arms automatically found their way back around her waist, pulling her closer in the process. Lips pressed onto the flesh of Lorna's temple. "I wanna talk to you about your eye, doll," Nicky gently stated, taking Lorna's head in her hands and peering intensely into her eyes. She noticed a loose strand of hair falling over them and used her thumb to push it softly away.
Lorna felt her throat slightly tighten at the words that came from her girlfriend. Her eyes instinctively squeezed shut to avoid returning the redhead's gaze and she desired to move away, yet, Nicky's grasp on her was too strong for her to escape from. She should have known this was coming—of course Nicky always appeared to see right through her lies. A quality she found both heartwarming and frustrating at the same time. There was nothing that made a relationship better than being as in-tune with each other's feelings the way she and Nicky were—yet, that also meant keeping things from Nicky was near impossible.
A breath of air forced itself from her lungs. Lorna swallowed hard and used a hand to slick back some of her hair. "What about it, hon? It's okay—I'll live. Ya ain't gotta worry, Nicky, please. It's all good," she gently assured in a way that almost sounded on the verge of desperate. Desperate for Nicky to believe her and drop the subject.
With a sigh, Nicky shook her head and curled a finger delicately through a loose piece of brown hair. If Lorna thought she was just going to take her word for it and move on, she was entirely wrong. There was no way any of what she explained could actually be true because she knew Lorna didn't even have PE this semester. Plus, the faint outline of a fist that appeared on the flesh near the discoloration that Nicky's brown eyes picked up on alerted her that her hesitation was not without good reason.
"No, I think I do have to worry." Nicky used her thumb to push a fallen strand of hair away from Lorna's eyes. She leaned even closer and rested their foreheads tenderly together. Her lips touched delicately over the tip of Lorna's nose; she nuzzled their noses together immediately after. "You don't have PE, doll. I didn't say anything earlier because I figured it'd be better if I just waited to talk to you alone about this."
A pause was taken so that Nicky could suck in a sharp breath. The more she spoke the faster her breathing became and she wasn't the best at remembering to breathe between words. "I also see a fist mark where the bruise is, kid. Which completely falsifies the story ya told me and Red about being hit by a dodge ball, yeah? Why don't you tell me what really happened? I promise I won't judge ya for it, doll." Her arms naturally tightened around Lorna, pulling her closer and letting her chest press up against the back of Lorna's head.
Squinting her eyes, Lorna tried to remember if she had noticed this mysterious fist mark that had been resting on her skin where the bruising happened to be. The few times that she spent covering it up with make-up, she never recalled observing any hand or fist marks under her eye. Unquestionably, if she would have seen it she'd have made sure to cover it up even thicker so that no one would have been able to see even the smallest of remnants of it.
She swallowed a thick gob of saliva and felt her hands become rather clammy. There was no way of digging herself out of this hole, she grudgingly thought. How could she? She couldn't explain away the supposed fist mark without giving away that the true culprit was Annalisa. A large breath released from her body; she rolled her head slightly around her neck, trying to calm her frantically running mind. Why did she have to make up a story that didn't even coincide with her school schedule? How could she have forgotten that Nicky would be aware of which classes she did or didn't have?
"Don't be scared, Lorna, you can talk to me," Nicky gently assured her when she noted the conflicting emotions that appeared to be etched out on the brunette's face.
The tips of her fingers brushed lightly along the outline of it while her eyes retained their gaze down on Lorna's. With how close the two of them happened to be, it was rather easy for Nicky to get a clearer look at that bruise beneath her girlfriend's eye. She felt her breath hitch a slight amount as she moved her fingers to cautiously touch the flesh where the discoloration lied. To see the faded marks of a fist on Lorna's fragile, precious, skin broke her heart tremendously. She swallowed roughly, drawing tender circles around the area. How someone—anyone—could be so cruel as to punch a person as sweet and loving as her girlfriend was something Nicky merely couldn't comprehend.
There was a thickness in her mouth and the more she tried to swallow it down the thicker it got. Lorna sighed, bowing her head slightly. The look of solemness on her lover's face weighed heavily on her heart. She never wanted to be the cause of Nicky's anguish. Nicky was the purest person she'd ever encountered and someone like her deserved not to feel anything even resembling that of anguish or pain.
Out of instinct, Lorna gently lifted a hand up and placed it softly upon one of Nicky's cheeks. Their eyes met and her heart ached a tad bit in her chest. She moved closer so that their faces were touching, her lips brushing against the flesh of the taller girl's. Maybe to distract them both from the topic of her bruised or eye but more so because she'd been craving the feeling of Nicky's lips on her own since the night prior while the two conversed over the phone.
Though the urge to prolong the kiss was there Nicky went against it and reluctantly forced herself to pull away from it. Instead, she lain herself back on the mattress and pulled Lorna to lay on top of her. In a position where they were facing each other, her arms outstretched and cradled around the other's petite frame. She knew the kiss was Lorna's way of trying to push off the inevitable. Something she seemed to do quite a bit lately, Nicky observed.
A thumb was used to stroke gingerly across the flesh of Lorna's forehead. "I love you. Ya know that, yeah babe?" Nicky questioned while dropping a tender kiss to the same spot she'd just been stroking. When she saw the other's head nod, she moved her lips to her temple and pressed them softly onto it. She brought her thumb over, as well, and drew loving circles around the pale skin. "Then you should know that no matter what, you can always talk to me about things. I wanna be here for ya, doll, through anything. Please, please, let me help."
"I—I'm sorry, hon," the words spoken in a voice that Nicky's ears had to strain to hear. Lorna swallowed a good amount of air and situated herself so that she was able to comfortably snake her arms around the older teen's abdomen. She nestled her face in the crook of her neck, rubbing the palm of her hand up and down the length of it. "I love you, too. I, erm, I just hate dragging ya into my problems, ya know? That's not real fair to you," she muttered, breath trickling onto the flesh of Nicky's neck below.
Nicky's head instinctively tilted after hearing the revelation that Lorna shared with her. Arms tightened around her, pulling her closer and kissing her head all over with tender lips. She cradled one hand around the back of Lorna's head, holding it gently a few inches from her own as she peered intensely into her eyes. Thumb stroked over pale flesh. A pang formed in her chest. How could Lorna even think that? The question pondered through her mind. She moved her thumb side-to-side around her forehead, eyes not once releasing their gaze.
"You're not dragging me into anything, Lorna," she firmly assured her. Compassion and empathy shined through the tone of her voice despite the firmness it held. There was nothing she desired more than to be there for Lorna—to be her rock, her comfort, and help her through all of the pain that she'd been dealt the past several months. Nothing about that made her feel dragged into or burdened. Nicky wanted to help, wanted to take care of Lorna.
A long sigh puffed its way from her lungs. "Is that why ya always pretend things are good? You're scared that I'll feel bothered with everything?" The questions spilled rapidly from her mouth. She brushed the back of her hands gently up and down both of Lorna's cheeks in a gradual, soothing, manner. The slight apprehension in her eyes strengthened the pang in Nicky's chest.
Lorna sucked down on her lower lip. Maybe Nicky's innate ability to read her like a book proved that they were meant for each other, the thought whirled through her mind. Despite the warmth said thought provided her with, she chose to push it away and turned her head somewhat. Her eyes returned the gaze Nicky was giving her. She sighed. "I feel bothered with everything and I don't wanna put any a it on you, hon. You've done so much for me, already, and I just—I don't wanna cause any more issues for ya." Lips touched delicately over the skin of the older teen's cheek.
Curving an eyebrow, Nicky narrowed her eyes on the brunette. She brought her face even closer while trying to comprehend what was possibly swirling through that girl's head. Because the words that just came from between her teeth couldn't even be close to the truth. An instinctive grunt of air expelled from her throat. "Babe, you haven't caused any issues. Not a single one. What're ya talking about, huh?" She curled a loose strand of hair lovingly behind Lorna's ear.
Another breath of air came up through her larynx. Naturally, Nicky leaned closer to Lorna's face and allowed their foreheads to press softly together. A position she favored rather vastly. It gave her a sense of closeness that she never knew she needed until the two of them became a couple. "You feel bothered with everything? That's why you need to let me help you, Lorna. You can't deal with all the shit you've been through on your own. It's okay to admit that, doll. You don't have to suffer alone anymore. I'm here—please, for the love of god, let me be here for you."
"It's like there's a circus going on in my head," Lorna softly mumbled, momentarily shutting her eyes. She swallowed a bit of saliva and opened her mouth to continue speaking. "It never stops, Nicky. The circus in my head always goes. I don't know what to do to stop it. I wish I could just go a day without any thoughts, ya know?"
The exasperation in Lorna's voice was easily picked up on by Nicky's ears. And it shattered her heart to hear that. She pressed her lips warmly over the brunette's, a soothing kiss rather than a lustful one. A kiss she hoped would bring Lorna some form of comfort. Some form of inner peace. She carefully brought Lorna's head down, which still was cradled in her hands, and placed it delicately atop her chest. A hand was softly put through the thick dark waves of her brown hair.
She sighed and rested her chin over the top of Lorna's head. Wishing she could cuddle and love away all of the agony that Lorna appeared to be suffering through lately. That, of course, was only wishful thinking. A second breath of air excused itself from her mouth. "I'm sorry, baby. I'm sorry you're struggling so much," she murmured, lips laying upon one of the younger girl's ears. Her fingers combed lightly through her hair, over and over.
"Ya don't gotta be sorry, hon. It's not your fault—I think I might just be crazy," Lorna stated in a rather nonchalant manner, shrugging her shoulders in congruency with her words.
Crazy wasn't what she ever aspired or even thought of herself much before. However, more and more, as time went on, maybe crazy was exactly what she was. Obviously, normal people wouldn't get bothered and upset over half the things Lorna appeared to. That had to mean she was, indeed, crazy. An aggressive breath of air forced itself through her windpipe. She felt a small surge of anger forming within her and bit down roughly on her tongue to stop it in its tracks.
Nicky shook her head copiously at the comment. She pulled her closer, letting her hand cup around the back of Lorna's head holding it securely in place against the top of her chest. Naturally, she gradually swayed their bodies back and forth in an effort to soothe away the other's blatant agony. A kiss was dropped gently onto the top of her head. "You're not crazy," her voice breathy and warm over the flesh of the younger teen's forehead; big brown eyes melding into hers. "You're not anything even close to crazy, babe. Ya just—you're dealing with a lotta stuff, yeah? Maybe your mind just doesn't know how to handle it all at once. Are ya meeting with that therapist a yours anytime soon?" A stranded piece of hair, fallen over Lorna's eyes, caught Nicky's awareness and she moved her thumb towards it to brush tenderly away.
Nodding in an almost trance-like manner, Lorna felt her body robotically move itself even closer to the warmth radiating from her girlfriend's. Her arms encircled tightly around the redhead's upper abdomen while she let their lips stroke gently overtop each other in a rather lazy—yet affectionate—kiss. "I just was talkin' to Franny at the coffee shop and she said I got one next week. Do ya wanna come, hon? I mean I don't know if I'm ready for another session like last time but, erm, you could come if ya want. Or not, either is fine."
The way Lorna ducked her head after speaking formed an unnerving knot in the pit of Nicky's stomach. It made her arms wrap even tighter, more protectively, around her petite waist. Her lips doused the top of her head in multiple soft, warm, kisses. "I would love to come, baby. Whatever I can do to support you, babe, I'm there. If you want me to come to therapy with ya, I will come. You don't ever have to be ashamed to ask me to go anywhere with you, ya got that?"
Her fingers massaged gently through the top of Lorna's head, nearly into the scalp of it. The nod she felt against her chest caused her chin to rest atop it while she rocked them softly back and forth. "Good," she murmured, moving her fingers to the side of her forehead and caressing them softly around there. "Whatever you need—whatever I can do to help you, just tell me. I love you so much, Lorna. All I want is to take care of you. You've been suffering on your own for too long, baby, it's time to be taken care of. And I'll start by cuddling you to sleep, how's that sound?"
The look in Lorna's eyes confirmed that that decision would be of the utmost benefit to her. Nicky sighed, brushing a couple of loose strands of hair from her face. The more she peered over her the easier she could make out how truly fatigued and drained Lorna seemed. Dark circles stood out beneath her eye sockets—ones that Nicky wondered if they ever weren't there. She pulled Lorna closer, tucking her head gently into the crook of her neck and reaching down to pull the comforter up around the pair of them.
"Sleep is something you clearly need, yeah baby? Seriously, when's the last time ya got a good night's rest? I swear those circles have been under your eyes since the day we met. Are you taking care of yourself? It doesn't look like you are, my doll, at least not as well as ya should be."
Lorna's eyes felt rather heavy from the soothing, husky, voice of her girlfriend. She could barely keep them open any longer. However, the need to answer Nicky's questions was sufficient to halt her from giving in to the exhaustion. She lifted her head a small amount so that she could look the taller girl directly in the eyes. An overwhelming volume of compassion and empathy poured through them, Lorna simply noted the longer she stared. The sheer vision innately brought one of her hands to touch gently over the skin of Nicky's cheek.
Brushing tips of fingers softly up and down along its length, Lorna peered even stronger at her. Her face automatically inched closer and she bent down to peck Nicky affectionately on her lips. The hand that pressed against one of her cheeks Lorna moved it to the back of her head, cradling around it with the utmost tenderness. She pressed their lips even further together, holding them there for several seconds before gradually pulling away.
"I guess I'm just still kinda adjusting to living at the Chapman's. It's a weird environment, I hope my sista gets the legal guardianship soon so I can go back to her place," Lorna found her voice once more. She twirled a finger lovingly around a few loose strands of Nicky's thick red curls. Those circles beneath her eyes might as well have been embedded into them by now, she thought; she couldn't remember the last time she looked in the mirror and didn't see them sitting there.
Nicky returned the gesture of lips locking together for another couple of minutes. When she released it, she ran her fingers feathery up and down along the length of Lorna's arms. The disclosure hadn't been much of a shock to her—it hadn't even been an entire week yet that Lorna had been staying with the foster family, so it was only natural for she to still be adjusting. No wonder her eyes and face appeared so drained—exhausted. She drew tender circles around the skin of the arms that her hands happened to be rubbing.
"Well, that would explain why you look so fatigued. It's a lot getting used to a new place and people, yeah? Are they good to you, doll? The parents, they're nice?" Nicky couldn't resist the questions from all spilling out at once; her protective nature seemed to be in full force, suddenly. Any time she pondered on how her girlfriend was doing, she felt the protectiveness power through her veins.
The brunette's head bobbed slowly up and down against Nicky's neck where she'd rested her head back onto after their kiss. She placed one of her hands onto its flesh and caressed along it in a circular motion. "Yeah, it really is," Lorna agreed, lips only a couple of inches from touching over Nicky's neck. "They're not mean or nothin', hon. I get along with their daughter and son and even Mr. Chapman is okay. But I don't know—Mrs. Chapman is real, erm, snooty. I can't think of a better word for her. She's nice but like a fake nice. Does that even make sense?"
Nodding intuitively, Nicky knew exactly the kind of nice that Lorna was referring to. It was the same type of nice that Marka Nichols was in front of anyone who wasn't part of her posse. She swallowed a lump and pressed her chin lightly on the top of Lorna's head. Her hands remained rubbing along both of her arms. "That makes perfect sense to me, kid. Marka is the same way. Fake as shit. That's why I begged her to let me get the fuck outta there—luckily, it didn't take much to convince her," a breath puffed out of her, interjecting her from speaking.
Once her lungs were refilled with air, Nicky deemed it safe to continue talking. She naturally swayed back and forth as she held Lorna close to her and tipped her face slightly forward so that her lips could stroke a soothing kiss to the top of Lorna's head. "As long as she's not abusive towards ya, then I recommend just killing her with kindness or—my favorite—ignoring her. People like that just aren't worth the time or trouble, doll."
"But I wanna hear what happened last night during dinner, kid. Why was Mrs. Chapman questioning you if ya had a problem with the food? Did ya not eat it or something?" Nicky quirked an inquisitive eyebrow while continuing to run a hand through the younger girl's waves. Maybe now wasn't the best time to investigate further on that incident, seeing how tired Lorna looked, but she already forced herself to wait an entire thirteen hours for this very moment that she couldn't help from finally allowing it to come to fruition.
Lorna swallowed hard. Not quite expecting such a drastic shift in their conversation. A sigh escaped her and she pressed her face in the warm flesh of Nicky's neck. Her arms snaked securely around it while her nose took in her natural aroma. Soothing, comforting, and encouraged her to nuzzle up even closer. "I just couldn't focus on eating with all the talking and noises is all. I kept pushing a piece a the potato around the plate and Mrs. Chapman got mad at me for it. I guess I offended her by not eating it—even though she ain't even the one who cooked it," the last part came out in a slightly more bitter tone than Lorna had anticipated.
Sucking in a snuffle, Nicky caressed her lips affectionately over Lorna's head and instinctively pulled her even closer. A knot formed in her chest, twisting distastefully at the sound of Mrs. Chapman's petty behavior towards her girlfriend. Nothing irked her more than people picking an issue with Lorna over something so mundane and miniscule. "I'm sorry, doll. Mrs. Chapman sounds like a real bitch. Just don't let her get under your skin, yeah? She can't force ya to eat when you're feeling uncomfortable."
"Well, I think she was mad because I did the same thing the other night. I just played with the food instead of eating it. But, I just—I can't eat when I'm anxious, ya know? It makes my stomach hurt and I feel sick."
Nicky soothed her with a soft peck on the cheek, nuzzling her nose against the other's. "I see," she murmured. Fingers touched delicately on the bottom of Lorna's chin; she stroked them around it in small, heart-shaped, patterns. "Did you try explaining that to Mrs. Chapman, babe? Maybe that might make her think before getting upset with you, yeah? Not that any of that is your fault, because it's not, but I think it might be a good idea to tell her."
Lorna nodded slightly into Nicky's chest and cuddled closer. She rested her lips onto pale skin, letting them stay like that for several moments before removing them. Though her lips parted, her face remained in its spot tucked between the older girl's neck and chest. One of the few places Lorna felt truly loved and secure. A content sigh pushed its way through her throat. There was nowhere else she wanted to be right now than in the arms of the person she adored with every fiber of her being.
After drawing in a slow breath, Lorna finally found the proper words to respond with. "Yeah, I guess I can try that. But the good news is I ain't the only one who thinks Mrs. Chapman is a snob. I had a real interesting conversation with the other Mrs. Chapman earlier yesterday when I got back from school. Wanna hear it, hon?"
A chuckle escaped Nicky at the faint enthusiasm that seeped out through the words she spoke. She nuzzled her chin gently against the top of Lorna's head which was lovingly embraced underneath it. Her head nodded, intrigue taking shape upon her face as she gazed attentively down at her. "You bet I do, doll. I love some good family drama stories, long as it ain't hurtin' you," she softly informed her and framed one hand around a porcelain cheek.
"Oh, well, I can promise ya that this family is the optimum of drama," Lorna started off and a laugh followed suit. At least their family drama didn't have anything to do with abuse or alcoholism like the Morello household. Sure, it was still on the toxic end of drama but it hadn't seem to hurt anyone too greatly, she reasoned. "The original Mrs. Chapman—"
"Oh, goddammit, Lorna," Nicky interjected with a second chuckle expelling from her windpipe.
Lorna stopped and looked up at her with arched eyebrows. "What? She is technically the original Mrs. Chapman," she nonchalantly pointed out with more laughter to follow.
The other only shook her head with a good-natured smirk spread from one cheek to the other. "I know, kid. But you're just too funny. God, I fuckin' love you."
"Aww, hon, you love God? I didn't think ya believed in all that." Lorna matched Nicky's smirk with one of her own. The opportunity was golden and stuck out to her like a sore thumb; it was impossible to resist making a playful comment on the matter. She brushed her hand softly through the thick red curls that spilled from her girlfriend's scalp.
"That's it, kid. That is it."
Nicky threw up her hands in defeat and Lorna took that as her chance to hover lovingly overtop of her. She rested a leg on either side of Nicky's body, cupping her hands warmly around both cheeks, and smashed their lips hotly over one another. When she pulled away, a moment later, her eyes sparkled down at Nicky and she moved her hand to curl a piece of hair behind one of her ears. "The original Mrs. Chapman," she said, mouth lingering mere inches from Nicky's, "called the regular Mrs. Chapman thee snob bitch."
That was it. That was absolutely all it took for Nicky to not hold herself back any longer. She finally gave in and switched positions with Lorna so that she now had her legs straddled over Lorna's body. Things were about to heat up real fast, Nicky concluded in her mind.
Chapter Text
Chapter Fifty-Three
Lorna was right about to climax when Nicky's eyes noticed the faded marks around her vaginal area and upper thighs. It was an unnerving sight to see, she concluded, and wasn't at all what she expected to find when she was on the cusp of making her girlfriend orgasm. A hesitant breath of air was forced out from her lungs. She contemplated what to do next. Clearly, there needed to be a discussion of what she observed. Those markings were obviously caused by some sort of trauma. Another sigh expelled from her. She didn't want to ruin Lorna's pleasure but her findings were more important right now, she silently reasoned with herself.
"Nicky, hon," the brunette breathlessly hummed out when Nicky's hand suddenly disappeared from the inside of her vagina. Her brown eyes—still wide from the near orgasm she almost experienced—peered worriedly down at the redhead. Wondering what could possibly be going through her mind as she hunched over her, merely frozen, in that particular moment. "Are ya, are ya okay?"
Though, when she realized what the redhead was focusing on, an uncomfortable knot molded into the pit of Lorna's stomach. How had she forgotten about that. She swallowed thickly, her face rapidly losing all its color. There wasn't enough time for her to muster up an explanation for whatever Nicky might have noticed. That alone was sufficient to fasten the rate of her heart-beat. She retained her gaze on Nicky but didn't budge her body an inch.
Attention returning to the here and now, Nicky lifted her head cautiously to peer back at Lorna. An uneasiness looming over her as she did so. She brought a hand up to place tenderly over one of Lorna's cheeks, tremoring lightly against it. A sensation that surprised her. When had her hands started shaking? She swallowed a lump and did her best to steady herself, both physically and mentally. Lorna needed stability, she wordlessly affirmed in her mind.
"I'm okay, kid," was all that Nicky could get to come from between her teeth without any emotions whirling through as well.
She swallowed the saliva that pooled at the bottom of her tongue, leaning closer to rest her forehead softly over the brunette's. Their eyes melded together and she searched Lorna's in a precise manner. A sigh escaped her. Were there signs she missed? Had Lorna been hurt and she didn't even know it? Her mind was swimming with numerous queries and thoughts.
Lorna tilted her head; an expression morphed onto her face that displayed that she hadn't entirely believed Nicky's words. She pressed her nose softly onto the older girl's, looking fiercer into her eyes. "Are ya sure, hon? You, uh, you don't look okay. What's the matter?" A hand was gently placed on Nicky's cheeks and the palm of it rubbed soothingly along the length of it. "Did I do somethin' to make ya upset, honey? I'm sorry."
"No, Lorna, no. You didn't do anything, okay? I'm fine. I just—I need to go to the bathroom real quick." Nicky hated herself for leaving Lorna after what she took note of on her genital region but she felt like she couldn't breathe in there. She needed to take a minute to collect herself.
However, as she stood on the floor at the foot of the bed, the slight tremble of Lorna's lips halted her from exiting the room. A hard swallow; she walked back over and placed a warm kiss on the top of her head while patting a hand against her cheek. "I'm not mad at you, baby. Please don't stress. I just need to take a bathroom break. I'll be back in a few minutes, I promise. I love you. I love you, sweet Lorna. My sweet Lorna."
"Are ya, erm, are ya sure everything's okay? Nicky? I—are you sure I didn't, I didn't do anything to upset ya?"
Nicky rapidly hushed her with a soft peck on the lips. She pulled away slowly, stroking her fingers even gentler around the outline of her face. Her breath hitched heavily at the sound of fear oozing from Lorna's voice. A lump was swallowed down. It hadn't been her intention to cause Lorna any pain—but she needed time away to compose herself. Time to process the bruising she saw on an area that clearly shouldn't have that. She nuzzled Lorna's face into her chest as she gave her a protective embrace.
"I promise, baby, you didn't do anything. Please breathe and calm down. Everything's okay. I'm not upset or mad at you, I mean it," the words soothed warmly into Lorna's ear while she retained her grasp on her. Lips lingered over it, pressing down a soft kiss. "Why don't you try and rest for a minute, yeah doll? I was supposed to cuddle you to sleep to begin with and now, you're laying there in tears. You're hurting and I need a minute to think."
Eyebrows curving ponderously over two highly puzzled eyes, Lorna pulled slightly away to peer the taller girl over in concern. She wondered if maybe Nicky was the one who needed sleep right now over her. The way she was talking and behaving worried her tremendously. "What? Nicky, I'm okay. I'm fine. I'm not cryin' because I'm hurt, I'm just concerned about you. Please tell me what's going on," desperation blatantly inflected through Lorna's voice. Her hands reached to cradle around Nicky's face.
"Lorna, I need a second. Let me go to the bathroom and I'll be back."
A kiss pressed onto the crown of the brunette's forehead. Nicky peered down at her solemnly, loathing what she saw lurking on the precious skin surrounding her girlfriend's upper thighs and vagina. She vowed she'd get to the bottom of it but first she had to get out of that room to breathe. To get the advise of her wise maternal figure who always seemed to know just what to say.
"Try and sleep for a bit while I'm gone, yeah? I promise I won't be long, doll."
That was the last thing Nicky said before finally exiting the room.
A very concerned and puzzled Lorna left lying in her bed. Eyes gazing at the door Nicky just walked through. Goosebumps formed on the surface of her skin. She swallowed a lump and turned on her side, the paint on the wall now becoming the focus of where her eyes were fixed. Nicky didn't say anything about marks or bruises. Maybe Nicky hadn't noticed any of them, a hopeful thought popped in her mind. Still, that hadn't explained what all of what just occurred was about. She shifted her legs beneath the comforter that draped over her and sighed. Something wasn't right that much she was certain.
"Nicky, what's with all the pacing?" Red questioned, shifting her eyes up from the lenses of her reading glasses. She sat out on the porch in one of her wicker chairs, a book in her hand, when the door's swinging open caught her attention. That was a mere five minutes ago, now, and Nicky still had yet to sit down and explain what the hell was going on with her. The book she'd been reading had long been bookmarked and set onto the end-table beside her empty mug of tea.
Blue eyes pierced over the redhead teen with a searing intensity. She crossed her arms over her chest, growing more impatient by the second the longer her daughter refused to respond. "Sit down and tell me what's the matter," her voice firmly commanded after another couple of minutes passed and Nicky incessantly strode from one side of the porch to the other. She pointed a finger profusely at the chair right next to her own, only separated by the small table between them. "Come on, Nicky, now."
The teen reluctantly did as she was directed. She plopped herself down in the seat, shaking her head out of anger. Anger that Lorna had bruising on such a private spot. A private spot that shouldn't be touched by anyone who wasn't given permission to do so. Nicky gritted her teeth. Was she jumping to conclusions? She hadn't even mentioned what she saw to the girl and here she was plotting the murder of a possible fictional person.
A hand was placed on her shoulder and instantly, Nicky brought her awareness back to the present. Instinctively turning towards where the touch had come from. Her eyes landed on Red and a sigh roared out from her throat. "Lorna's hurt, ma."
Worried lines swiftly molded onto Mrs. Reznikov's forehead while her hand gave a soothing squeeze to Nicky's shoulder. "What do you mean she's hurt, honey? Do we need to take her to the hospital?"
Nicky shook her head. Maybe that wasn't the proper wording she should have used, she thought after the fact. Or, on second thought, maybe it was the correct thing to say and maybe Red's suggestion was exactly what they needed to do. Lorna was hurt. There were bruises and other indistinguishable marks on places that there shouldn't have been. Despite having observed that the majority of those were faded hadn't negated the fact Lorna had been hurt.
"I saw some things, ma. Lorna was hurt. She was hurt."
Red moved her hand from Nicky's shoulder up to cup around her cheek. Fingertips caressed softly along the length of it as her eyes softened, peering the distressed teen over in a deep concern. "What are you talking about, sweetheart? Where's Lorna hurt? Are you sure we don't need to call for help or anything?"
Squeezing her eyes shut, Nicky swallowed down the whirling emotions that appeared to be building up within her. Now wasn't the time to break apart. Something happened to Lorna and she needed to figure out what that was. She needed to go back to Lorna soon, too, so she didn't worry her any more than she clearly already was. A big breath of air was sucked in through her nose. Her eyes reopened and she looked back at the middle-aged Russian. "I don't mean to be graphic or anything, ma, but I need to tell ya this."
Gulping uneasily, Red nodded her head and retained her grasp on her daughter's cheek. Her thumb was utilized to stroke around its flesh in a soothing manner. "Go ahead, Nicky. I'm listening," she gently reassured the teen, placing her other hand on Nicky's arm and patting it comfortingly.
"I was, erm, I was tryna make love to Lorna," the words nervously fumbled out. It felt rather uncomfortable sharing intimate details with her mother figure, yet, she knew she needed to in order to explain how she stumbled across all those marks. Cheeks reddened. "I'm sorry, ma—but it won't make sense if I didn't tell ya that," Nicky muttered, bowing her head out of embarrassment. "But, uh, anyway. I noticed…there were…ma, I saw bruising and unexplainable marks on Lorna's private area. And her thighs. She's hurt. Someone hurt her, ma."
"Woah, woah, hold on," Red soothed, taking her daughter's head in her hands and giving a motherly kiss to her forehead. A wad of saliva was roughly swallowed as she gradually processed what her Nicky had just revealed to her. "Did you ask Lorna about it? Please tell me you didn't just leave her in your room to come out here and angrily pace around the porch."
Shaking her head, Nicky threw up her hands and finally allowed the tears to fall from her eyes. "I couldn't, ma. When I saw all a that, I just—I needed to take a breather. But I told her I'd be back and I made sure she knew I'm not mad at her or anything. So, yeah, I guess I basically did just leave her in my room so I could pace around your porch," her shoulders recoiled up in a muted shrug and despite the tears that ran along her cheeks, she couldn't help but pitifully chuckle at her own stupidity.
Lifting her thumb, the Russian woman used it to push her glasses back towards the bridge of her nose. A sigh made its way from her mouth. She wasn't entirely surprised that Nicky did what she did. Nicky had a tendency to act on impulse before processing things through her mind. Both palms of her hands rubbed soothingly up and down each side of her face. "Okay," she hummed, reaching to wipe at her daughter's tears. "Well, what I think you should do is very carefully bring it up with Lorna. See what she says, maybe what you saw is from something else. Don't jump to the worst possible conclusions before hearing Lorna's explanation."
Nicky swallowed thickly but gave a reluctant nod. Red always said exactly what she needed to hear even when she didn't necessarily agree with it. An airy breath exhaled from her lungs. "What if I'm right though? What if Lorna was hurt by someone down there? What the hell do I do?"
"Let's just wait and see what Lorna says, yes? We'll worry about that when the time comes, honey. I'll help you girls whatever it is," the maternal figure lovingly assured her daughter. Pressing another tender kiss to her forehead.
However, before either could say or do anything else, Lorna suddenly appeared in the doorway that led inside the house. The door half open as she stood with her head slightly leaning outwards, eyes peering bewilderingly out at the pair of them. She'd fallen asleep for a mere ten minutes but when she awoke to an empty bed, a sinking feeling embedded into the pit of her stomach. Nicky had to be upset with her—she just had to. Why else would Nicky have stopped halfway through their love-making session to apparently come sit there on the porch?
"Nick-Nicky?"
Within a matter of seconds, Nicky's attention speedily turned from Red onto Lorna. Eyes softened drastically the second they fell over Lorna's distraught figure and her hand patted at her lap, gesturing for her to come sit on it. "Come here, babe. Come sit down with me," she softly called out, lingering her stare on the other until she obliged and timidly made her way over. The second she felt Lorna's body heat radiating to her own, Nicky took that opportunity to gently pull her down onto her lap. Lips brushed upon the back of her head.
Red nodded to the two, narrowing her eyes on Nicky before grabbing her book and mug and heading in the previously opened door to give them their privacy.
Once the door clicked shut, Nicky maneuvered the smaller girl so that her head was pressed softly up onto her chest. There was a faint, noticeable, tremor that Nicky effortlessly picked up on and it instinctively had her arms tightening around Lorna's waist. Her chin rested atop her head while she gradually swayed back and forth. "Did ya get any sleep, Lorna? You look a little pale. Why don't you shut your eyes and relax, yeah? I've got you, baby. You're safe here with me," she murmured huskily into the brunette's ear, stroking the palms of her hands up and down the spine they were wrapped around.
"I woke up and you weren't back, hon. I got real worried. I-I'm kinda confused."
"I know, baby, I'm sorry. I needed to talk to Red about something," Nicky assured her, twirling a strand of hair lovingly around one of her fingers. Her lips stroked over one of Lorna's temples. "What are you confused about, Lorna? You think you're just confused from waking up? You didn't sleep that long, doll, you're probably still tired. It's okay. I promised you I'd cuddle you so how about ya just lay here on me, now, and rest? It's nice outside, we can just cuddle up here on the porch for a while. Everything's okay. You can go back to sleep now, kid; I've got ya nice and snug in my arms." Fingers combed tenderly through strands of dark hair. Nicky nuzzled her chin against Lorna's head that was tucked securely underneath it. She wanted nothing more than to cuddle away all of whatever ailed her.
Lorna's head instinctively snuggled closer to the warmth radiating from the older girl's skin. Her arms encircled tightly around her neck and upper torso, craving the closeness. Craving the love, affection, and melding together of their bodies. She never knew how much she desired such things until recently—never pondered her mind with those types of thoughts until now, either. A small lump sat in her throat and she forced it down with a hard swallow.
The lids of her eyes became rather heavy and proved to be quite the challenge for her to keep them open. She let the tips of her fingers caress gingerly around the area where her face and head rested over. "Is, uh, is everything okay, hon? I just—ya kinda left in a hurry earlier so I just…are you okay?"
Lips brushing warmly over the crown of her forehead, Nicky peered carefully down into the blatantly worried brown eyes that looked back at her. Breath caught up in her throat. A sigh was quickly pushed out of her. She massaged a hand tenderly along the scalp of Lorna's head while attempting to disregard her frantically running mind. By the exhaustion that still seemed to ooze from her girlfriend's face, now was certainly not the best time to bring up any of those bruises she noticed. She didn't want to cause an uproar when Lorna wasn't in the appropriate mindset to discuss such a matter.
So, for now, Nicky settled on pecking another delicate kiss over her lover's soft skin and, after, curling her lips in a small smile. "I'm okay, doll. I know I did and I'm sorry about that—I promise it had nothing to do with you, okay? I just needed to go to the bathroom and then when I came back I saw ya fell asleep so I came out here to talk to ma. That's all, babe. Please no more worrying," she soothingly pleaded, moving the tips of her fingers gently around Lorna's head.
Securing her arms further around the taller girl's upper body, Lorna bobbed her head slightly up and down against her. She lazily allowed her lips to brush over the flesh of Nicky's neck before burying her face onto it. "If ya say so, hon," her voice murmured no louder than a whisper, breath trickling along the skin below.
Lorna used her thumb to trace a small heart shape around the skin she rested her face on. "But if something's the matter I hope ya know you can talk to me about it. I wanna be here for you too, honey." The words flowed softly out of her lips that pressed slightly onto the skin of her girlfriend's neck bordering the top of her chest which peeped out from the V-neck t-shirt that she wore.
"I know and I appreciate that, kid," Nicky responded while curling a strand of brown hair behind one of Lorna's ears with her thumb.
Big brown eyes gazed lovingly down at her, taking in every centimeter of Lorna's head and face. A sigh escaped her. Even when she was the one worried over her well-being, Lorna didn't hesitate to exuberate her natural affectionate demeanor. It warmed her heart and veins in a way she couldn't fully explain. She continued to stroke her hand, which remained on the crown of Lorna's head from behind, through dark waves of hair as she rested her chin tenderly atop it.
"I promise, though, there's nothing wrong. I just—I just wanna snuggle you for a while, yeah? Is that cool with you, doll?" The sensation of a head nodding against her chest ignited a rather serene breath of air to erupt from Nicky's esophagus. She couldn't resist the smile that once more took up form on her face. "Good because I love to lay out here on this bench with you in my arms, my sweet Lorna."
A hand instantly covered overtop of Lorna's mouth to stop the natural squeal that was itching to release itself. The gesture might not have entirely halted it but, at the very least, it muffled the sound so that Nicky hadn't been able to hear it. But she couldn't help herself from squealing—Nicky's words melted her insides into a puddle of mush.
She lifted her head just enough so the pair of them were on eye level and she inched their faces closer until their lips gently brushed together in a soft and sweet kiss. When their mouths released from each other, Lorna framed her hands delicately around both of the redhead's cheeks. Two sets of brown eyes blended together; she let the tip of her nose press softly onto the tip of Nicky's. "There's no place else I wanna be right now then here with you, my love. I love ya so much, hon."
"I love you more, babe," Nicky breathily murmured back, lips touching over the corners of Lorna's.
Her hand held securely around the back of the brunette's head while looking intensely into her eyes. The longer she looked the stronger her sense of wanting to cuddle her became. She naturally brought Lorna even closer to her own body and, with one last locking of their lips, she lovingly placed Lorna's head back down on her chest. Fingers combed slowly and comfortingly through dark waves of hair. Chin rested warmly atop the very head those brown waves spilled out from.
It was merely involuntary that Nicky gradually rocked the two of them back and forth atop the wicker bench they were resting. She tilted her chin downward some and pressed a slow, soft, kiss to Lorna's head. "I texted Alex earlier and she'll be working tonight so we can go get a coffee later," her voice gently informed the younger teen, fingers raking through her hair. "After you've had a sufficient amount of rest, of course. Ya really need to prioritize your well-being, kid. I don't want ya passing out one day because ya haven't been taking good care of yourself, ya know?"
With a slightly uneasy sigh, Lorna nodded her head and pressed her face softly into the flesh of Nicky's chest. Her arms wrapped around her shoulders out of the desire to be as close to Nicky as humanly possible. She shut her eyes, allowing Nicky's natural aroma to soak in through the nostrils of her nose. "That'll be nice, hon. I love coffee," the words came out in a mere whisper. Fingers traced in a feathery fashion along the outline of Nicky's neck.
"Ya ain't gotta worry bout' me, hon," she softly assured, indolently stroking her lips over where the older girl's heart resided. "I'll try to be better about lookin' after myself, okay? But I don't want you to stress over me. I'm good. I'm real good."
Nicky rapidly shook her head at her girlfriend's comment. A comment that she wouldn't believe even if her brain was the size of a pea. Air forced its way from her lungs in the form of a sigh. Now wasn't the time to push Lorna on anything, she had to mentally reprimand herself. Lorna needed sleep, not an argument. Another heaping breath of air was pushed out of her. She pressed her lips affectionately over the back of Lorna's head. "I'll always worry about you, kid. I love you. I want you to take care of yourself so nothing bad happens. I hope you stick to that, doll, and really do start looking after yourself better," Nicky muttered, stroking a hand leisurely up and down the brunette's back.
"I will, I promise," the younger girl declared.
But even as the words slipped from her mouth, Lorna knew that was a promise she couldn't stick to—at least not fully. Guilt powered through her and she bit down on her tongue to keep the emotions from displaying on her face. A hand lifted up to slick habitually back thick strands of her brown hair. Her mind was spinning with thoughts, yet, she had not the energy to pay them any attention. She had not the energy to pay attention to the sense of guilt that currently quailed her, either. The only thing she found herself able to do was snuggle herself close to Nicky's body and tighten her arms around strong shoulders. Eyes closed, unable to fight off the heaviness any longer.
It was evening time when the pair of them were walking through the door of the coffee shop. A smile had previously been placed on Lorna's face during the drive there—with it still being chilly Nicky had insisted on driving much to Lorna's dismay. However the dismay soon dissipated and in its place had appeared the smile that still sat upon her face now as they stood in the short line for their coffees. Only five minutes passed along before the two of them were standing directly in front of the sales counter for their turn to order.
On the other side of the counter stood Alex, who was finishing handing off the last customers' coffee to them. Once the person took it and walked back towards the exit, she put her focus on her friends and gave a friendly smile. The last of the rush had finally ceased, she observed seeing that those were the only two left in the building aside from herself. Relief traveled through her veins as she called out to them, "You want the same thing you two always get, yeah? Plain coffee and Cinnamon Toast Crunch Latte?"
Lorna nodded rather chipperly, grasping a hand onto Nicky's shoulder—who had been standing slightly behind her as her mind engulfed the majority of her focus. Lorna's touch quickly brought her out of her thoughts and she peered over at Alex with a nod of her own. She forced a smile to her face despite the looming worry over those damn marks she noticed earlier. Marks that remained unspoken of to her girlfriend. Nicky had not a clue how she should go about bringing those up. What she didn't want was to cause Lorna's bubbly demeanor to wither into a darkened abyss.
"Yes, of course that sounds good to me—I'm sure that works for Nicky, too." The shorter teen was the one to respond first and after she averted her glance onto Nicky, patting her shoulder as if to silently ask for her confirmation. When she saw her head nod, Lorna widened her smile at her and looked back over at the barista. "You guys sure are good at remembering people's drinks, huh?"
A light-hearted chuckle made its way out of the twenty-year old who poured brewed coffee into a paper traveler's cup. Once it was filled up to the proper line, she grabbed a lid from the stack and handed it across to Nicky. Her eyebrows arched up as she peered over at Lorna, "Well, I guess that's true. I mean I don't remember everyone's order but you and Nicky come here so often I just know. Plus you two are my friends so that might have a slight little part in why I really don't need to even ask for your coffee order much anymore."
Alex turned to go prepare Lorna's drink but still kept her eyes on the pair of them while she did so. Something appeared to be off. She wasn't sure what it was but she could sense it, that was for certain. Lorna was a little too perky and Nicky was vastly more reserved than normal. She shook her head as she got out the ingredients for the Cinnamon Toast Crunch coffee that Lorna had requested.
By the time she had finished preparing the drink, it hadn't been more than two minutes. With it held securely in her hands, Alex carried it back to the counter and set it down so she could retrieve a lid for it. After it was lidded she carefully handed it to the eagerly awaiting hands that Lorna was holding out for it with.
"Are the two a ya okay?" The question slipped from her mouth before she really even had the chance to stop it.
Surprise melded onto Nicky's face; she peeped her eyes up from her coffee that she'd seconds ago been indulged in and looked over at the black-haired woman who interjected her from such thing. "Course' we are, Vause. Why would ya ask that?" For once, she felt as though the tables were turned between she and Lorna—that she was the one now pretending things were okay when, deep down, she knew they weren't. However, until she investigated further into what wasn't okay, Nicky decided there was no point in saying things weren't when she hadn't even gotten the whole story yet.
The taller woman gradually bobbed her head and up down, not too sure whether she believed Nicky or not. Her eyes searched thoroughly around the shop and when they confirmed no one else had entered inside, Alex decided on making a small coffee for herself. It was going to be a long night if this was how slow it was throughout, she thought. "If ya say so, Nicky. I'm gonna get some cleaning done but since it's slow, when I finish, maybe I'll come join you two," she stated, a nonchalant shrug of her shoulders before she went to fix her own cup of coffee.
The couple nodded to her and then went to sit down at their usual table in the front of the room. Nicky chose to sit on the side facing the entrance so she could slightly entrance herself with the observing of people coming in through the door—if any even did, that was. Her eyes now, though, focused on Lorna who sat opposite of her fumbling about with the lid of her coffee. A sigh pushed out of her. Lorna looked so peaceful using the stopper to mix the golden liquid around with in her cup. It didn't feel right for her to have to ruin that. Nicky shifted her gaze onto her own cup and lifted it for a long sip.
When she was finished sipping it and placed it back on the table's surface, Nicky huffed out another breath of air. No matter if she brought her concern up now or later, it would never feel like the right time. Prolonging it surely wouldn't make it any less dreary. She brought a hand up towards her hair and used it to slick back the thick strands that spilled along her cheeks. "Lorna, I need to talk to ya about something," the statement came out a little shakier than Nicky had expected.
Swallowing the coffee that sloshed about in her mouth, Lorna set down her cup and returned her girlfriend's stare with a slightly uneasy one. That wasn't the most comforting of conversation starters, she mentally acknowledged. Her brown eyes observed Nicky closely, yet, were unable to distinguish whatever emotions may have been swirling about her head. "What is it, hon?" The query asked in a higher-pitched tone than was usual for Lorna. A lump was swallowed down rather thickly. She busied her hands with the string of her sweatpants she wore. "You don't, erm, you're not wanting to break up, are ya?" Eyes widened immensely; god, she hoped that wasn't what the other was trying to get at.
Instantly a tightness molded over Nicky's chest. Had she come off that bad? The question pondered through her mind. She bit down on her lower lip and rapidly shook her head. A hand reached across to cup lovingly around one of Lorna's cheeks. "No, no, no," Nicky tenderly reassured, tilting her head somewhat as her eyes melded affectionately into the younger girl's. She caressed her palm slowly along the flesh of the cheek it rested over. "I'm not breaking up with you, baby. Not at all. I just—there's something I noticed earlier and I need to ask you about it."
Relief tore through Lorna's body at the revelation and, mentally, she wanted to slap herself for even thinking such an absurd thought. Out of gratitude for the clarification, she picked up her coffee for a quick sip. The cup placed back in its spot once she was done and her focus returned to the beautiful brown eyes that were peering her over in a highly intense manner. Lorna rested one of her hands atop the one Nicky had on her cheek, stroking its knuckles with the tip of her thumb.
"I didn't think ya were but the way ya said ya needa talk to me about something didn't bring me any comfort," a sheepish chuckle escaped her throat. She wasn't sure if it was to make herself feel less embarrassed or to let Nicky know she wasn't too bothered over it. "So, erm, what is it ya wanna talk about? What did ya notice?"
Nicky inched their faces slightly closer so that she could lay her forehead atop Lorna's. She laid a thumb onto her flesh, beneath her eye, and ran it softly across the area. A breath was slowly inhaled through her nose. She needed to ensure that what she said next was precise but with the utmost love and compassion. The longer her eyes peered onto Lorna the harder it was to speak. She settled on closing her eyes for a moment. Maybe not looking at her would soften the blow.
"Ya know when we were having sex earlier, doll?"
Lorna nodded but then realized Nicky's eyes were closed so she wouldn't be able to see her nonverbal response. "Ya mean when we were makin' love? Yeah, what about that hon?" She corrected her girlfriend's choice of words rather swiftly. Sucking her lower lip inwards, she noticed a knot forming in the pit of her stomach. Sex was a word she referred to as pain and unwanted—but being intimate with Nicky was not even close to any of that, it was full of love and tenderness. Something foreign to her when it came to sexual encounters.
Hearing how Lorna was quick to reframe her decision on descriptors, Nicky's apprehension only intensified. That alone proved to her Lorna had to have endured some sort of erotic behavior that wasn't a choice she would have made had she the chance. Why else would she feel the need to clarify it was love-making? Nicky mentally queried. She swallowed a gob of saliva that had formed and finally reopened her eyes so she could closely search Lorna's face.
"I, uh, I noticed some marks on you when I was, erm, tryna make ya come," her voice quieted with the last part, not wanting to have anyone else hear their conversation—even though no one but Alex was there and she was busy cleaning the back anyway to even hear what they were discussing.
The color dissipated rapidly from her face. She should have seen this coming. Of course. It would have eventually come to this anyway, Lorna knew. She swallowed hard and tried to think of what to say—how to get herself out of this sticky situation.
Chapter 55
Notes:
I have to say I am very (pleasantly) surprised to see people are reading this story of mine and even more surprised to see a few more kudos along with a bookmark on it. Thank you so very much to those of you who are taking the time to read this little work of mine. It means so unbelievably much to me.
Chapter Text
Chapter Fifty-Four
Silence filled the room as Lorna sat blankly gazing over Nicky's head. Eyes peering at a spot on the wall like it would magically clue her in on how to go about responding to her girlfriend's discovery. Nicky, however, hadn't shifted her gaze from Lorna even an inch. She watched her stare at the wall with attentive eyes, patiently waiting for her to say something.
"What, uh, what do ya mean?" Lorna curved an eyebrow despite knowing exactly what Nicky meant. Maybe if she played dumb Nicky would eventually drop the subject and never bring it up again. Of course that was only wishful thinking—Nicky could see right through her and would most-likely point out to her how poorly she was trying to cover up what they both already knew was lurking on the skin of her private region.
The reaction shouldn't have come as a surprise to Nicky. Lorna was an expert at acting like she had no idea over things that they both knew she did. In fact, Nicky wasn't shocked at all to hear her girlfriend respond with a question. That was just her nature. Natural for her to pretend that she was all hunky-dory when it was obvious she was harboring some seriously dark secret. It frustrated Nicky to no end to witness it. A sigh came through her esophagus and she gently reached a hand across to frame around Lorna's cheek.
"I mean I saw faded bruises around your vagina, doll. And your thighs," Nicky whispered, not wanting any eavesdroppers to be able to hone in on what was being said between the pair of them. Though Lorna had moved slightly away from her seconds earlier, she used the hand she grasped around her cheek to carefully inch their faces closer together once more. They were so close that Nicky's breath hit right overtop the corner of Lorna's mouth. Her fingers stroking delicately around the flesh surrounding it.
The answer only formed a strong pang in Lorna's chest. Her eyes squeezed shut. Was there a plausible explanation she could give that would somehow get her out of this mess? At least for now, she reasoned. For now she just needed to keep the honest reasoning for those particular bruises hidden. There was enough being shared with Nicky that she hadn't felt ready for another thing to be let loose. She needed to retain as much control as she possibly could.
A breath of air expelled out. She opened her eyes back up and felt the imaginary strings of her heart being pulled on. The look on Nicky's face tightened the pang in her chest. She naturally leaned closer to her, letting her lips rest over the flesh of Nicky's forehead. "Oh, those marks," Lorna muttered, bouncing her shoulders in a leisurely shrug. Trying to come across as if she had just momentarily forgot about them. She brought a thumb up to caress lightly along the forehead her lips had just pecked over.
Squinting her eyes, Nicky peered back at the younger girl with a puzzling mien etched on her face. That wasn't an answer she'd anticipated to come from her girlfriend's mouth. And it did nothing to ease her nerves, either. She nuzzled her nose against Lorna's and cupped a hand tenderly around one of her cheeks. "How did those marks get on you, babe? Did someone do that to you?" The inquiries firmly whirled their way out, yet, with a loving tone mixed in there.
"Oh, no, no one did that to me. I, uh, I," Lorna hesitated, looking down for a second as she felt a heat rising within her cheeks. When she returned her eyes onto Nicky, a sheepish smile molded onto her face. If she was going to make up a story, she might as well do it whole-heartedly. That was certainly the only way for she to make it believable. "You're gonna laugh, hon, but I—when I was younger, I thought I hadda shave my entire down there area. And, well, that's kinda why I got old bruises and stuff there. I was a real stupid kid, ya know?"
Nicky skeptically nodded her head. The explanation seemed credible enough. However, she wasn't entirely sold on it. Lorna had a way of being a little too convincing when it came to getting out of discussing traumatic events she'd suffered through. It wouldn't astonish her if this was just another one of those stories that she was desperately trying to pawn off on her. She exhaled deeply, taking Lorna's face in her hands and allowing her lips to press onto the crown of her forehead.
"You're not stupid," was the only thing Nicky could say in that moment. There were so many thoughts and questions running through her mind that she wasn't able to come up with a better response. She reached for her coffee and took a long sip of it. Once the liquid was swallowed, she sucked in a breath. "Is that really why those marks are there? Even if what you're saying is true, doll, how would shaving cause bruising like that?"
"Of course what I'm saying is true, hon. I just I'm real bad at shaving. I always end up getting cuts from it. Plus I was like twelve when I tried shaving my private area, so, I was even worse at it then," Lorna nonchalantly muttered, swallowing down the lump that had formed.
She began to feel rather uneasy from all the questions Nicky had been bestowing upon her. As though Nicky had sensed something was sketchy with the story she'd given her; such thought only had Lorna move slightly backwards. If she pushed herself away from the older girl, the thought occurred, maybe that would somehow make Nicky believe her words. Probably an absurd thought to have, she acknowledged after the fact.
Bringing a hand up to rub at the back of her neck, Nicky felt a frustrated breath of air force its way from her throat. None of this should have been unexpected. She knew Lorna. Lorna didn't like admitting things that clearly harmed her. Nicky shouldn't have been so frustrated when Lorna was blatantly feeding her a story that simply hadn't been true. And yet, there she sat—frustrated as all hell. But she couldn't even find it in herself to take it out on the girl across from her. The girl who sat oblivious to her own inner pain and anguish. A maddening sigh inhaled itself through her nostrils.
Yet, before their conversation could continue, the sound of the bell above the door ringing interjected and caught both of their focus. Lorna was grateful for the interruption—she couldn't find it in her to keep answering the unrelenting questions that her girlfriend seemed to have tonight. However, when her eyes caught sight of the person entering through that door, she felt every last strand of hair on her body stick up as though she'd been zapped by an electric current.
The very girl from that damn party those couple of months earlier walked in through the entrance and slowly passed the two of them. Lorna bit down harshly on her tongue. So much so that it started to bleed and the blood coincidentally mixed in with her saliva. She watched the girl closely, staring daggers her way when she noticed her eyes lingering a little too long on Nicky. Her eyes shifted onto the redhead, who hadn't budged an inch other than to momentarily peek at what the culprit of the noise was.
"Lorna," Nicky finally regained her voice and softly called out her girlfriend's name. She wasn't going to let this conversation slide under the rug that was for certain. Enough was enough. This needed to be talked about because in her mind, it was very clear Lorna's explanation that was given wasn't adding up. "Tell me the truth. I don't believe that those marks and bruises are from shaving. They'd be completely gone by now if that's what they were from. That was three years ago, doll."
The brunette gulped and shifted her legs uncomfortably. A sigh escaped her and she shook her head at herself. Why did she not take the time to think things through before making up her stories? How could she let such a fact slip from her mind when trying to come up with a believable reason for those god-forsaken marks on her damned vaginal and thigh regions? She picked her cup up off of the table, sipping the coffee fervently. But that did nothing to help gather her thoughts.
Her eyes shifted over to the sales counter where that tater-tot girl from the weed-smoking party stood ordering whatever damn drink she liked. Probably some tater-tot flavored latte, Lorna pondered.
Nicky noticed the odd behavior, following with her eyes where Lorna was staring and felt a knot meld into the pit of her stomach when she realized who Lorna was looking at. That damn Shani girl from that stupid party, she grudgingly thought. Her stare returned onto Lorna and all frustration rapidly dispelled from her body. Hands reached across and framed onto either side of her face. "Doll, look at me. I'm worried about ya," she murmured no louder than a whisper.
Finally moving her eyes back onto Nicky, the younger teen sighed and bowed her head somewhat. "I bet she's gonna ask for a tater-tot latte," Lorna found herself spewing out through gritted teeth.
"Huh? Who are ya talkin' about, babe?" Curved eyebrows sat over puzzled brown eyes. Nicky squinted them as she looked her girlfriend over in a precise manner. A hard swallow when it dawned on her. Had Lorna somehow known about the Shani girl incident? She tried to remember if she'd ever mentioned anything about the encounter but she never did. Unless Lorna had somehow found that stupid piece of paper before Nicky tossed it in the trash.
Tilting her head slightly in the direction of the tall brunette down in front of the sales counter, Lorna subtly wagged her finger in that general area. Eyebrows shifted over her eyes. "That girl down there, Nicky. I remember her from the party—Miss tater-tot girl," she pointed out as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. "She's probably tryna order a latte flavored with tater-tots, don't ya think?"
Nicky swallowed uneasily. Her hand found its way to the bottom of Lorna's chin, gently moving her face away from the view of the counter and back towards her own. Their foreheads pressed delicately together and she nestled the tip of her nose against the tip of Lorna's. "What do ya mean, doll? Ya talkin' about the same party where ya wanted to try smoking weed, yeah?" The memory of such brought a light-hearted chuckle out of her. She still couldn't believe Lorna went through with smoking it.
"Yeah, that's the one," the brunette mumbled.
She bit down on the side of her cheek from the inside of her mouth and pushed away as many of the swirling emotions as she could. At least the topic of their conversation wasn't on the bruising of her vagina anymore, she gratefully acknowledged. Even though she didn't like that damned tater-tot girl, having her as the topic meant Nicky wouldn't be pestering her with questions anymore regarding the marks. "I saw her checking you out, hon, when you were getting the weed. That girl," she paused to point her hand at the lengthy brunette who was grabbing her coffee from Alex, "was piling tater-tots onto her plate while giving you googly-eyes. Alex hadda hold me back from going to fight her."
A small chuckle innately sounded through her windpipe. Imagining her sweet Lorna fighting some random girl for her was about the cutest thing she'd ever witness, even if it was only a mental visual. Nicky used a thumb to caress across the flesh of her forehead and leaned closer to peck a soft kiss over her lips. "You were gonna fight her for me? Damn, kid, I find that kinda hot. And really cute."
Lorna's cheeks flushed a bright shade of pink at the older girl's statement. She distracted herself by taking a long, drawn out, sip of her coffee and ended up finishing it off. Eyes reverted back towards the girl, who now walked with a coffee in her hand—seemingly walking in their direction—and she felt her shoulders shudder a tad. They lingered on her for a few seconds. She swallowed uneasily and slowly turned head away, bowing it down so that her eyes were now staring at the pattern of the tabletop below.
It didn't go unnoticed Lorna's sudden change in behavior by Nicky, who sat opposite of her watching with heavily concerned eyes of her own. Though before she had the chance to question her on it, the slight heat of another body's rather slowly walking past her halted her from acting on the need she had to interrogate Lorna. Her eyes reluctantly shifted away from her girlfriend to find the culprit of such a sensation and when they landed on that damn Shani girl from the party, she had to stop herself from rolling her eyes right then and there.
"Good to know you come here," the Egyptian teen muttered in a rather low voice. A smirk sat on her face as she gave a small wink to Nicky, touching her shoulder with her index finger as she very leisurely made her way past. "Guess you lost my number, huh? Well, that's okay, I'm sure I'll run into you again, soon."
The sound of the door closing shut, seconds afterward, had Lorna's teeth gritting down into the flesh of her tongue. Despite the girl's voice mumbling, Lorna heard every word and was shocked to find out that tater-tot girl had given her number to her girlfriend. Who the hell did that girl think she was? Pushing herself roughly up from her seat, Lorna paid no mind to anyone else while frisking her way down the other direction—right by the sales counter and towards the sign on the nearby wall that had bathrooms displayed on it.
It was a one person restroom she realized when she entered inside and shut the door. She used her thumb to press down on the circular lock to secure it so that no one else could disturb her. The light had automatically turned on once she'd come in the room and she stood hovering over the sink to look in the mirror at her reflection. Rather, her sickly reflection. She shuddered at the sight of herself. Such a sight reminded her of why that tater-tot girl was so heavily hated by her. Because, clearly, tater-tot girl was much more attractive than she could even wish to be. Tater-tot didn't have excess fat around her face or on her thighs or fucking protruding out from her damn gut. No, fucking tater-tot was perfect. Lorna, on the other hand, needed a lot of help just to be even slightly presentable.
Anger seized through her veins the longer her eyes dawdled on her reflection in the mirror across from her. Disgust, nausea, and disappointment were the more dominant emotions that she felt in that moment. Seeing all the plump skin that surrounded her eyes, mouth, chin—it brought a sickness over her to look at. Maybe it was best Nicky went with the tater-tot lover, the thought crossed her mind unexpectedly. Of course, after, the thought only added to her anger. She pressed her hands against the rim of the sink pushing herself backwards in the process.
The mirror was taking up too much of her time—too much of her headspace. There was no sense in her staring any longer at it, nothing about her reflection would magically change into what she desired. She sighed and turned away, eyes landing on the toilet which was only a few feet away. Nodding slowly, Lorna made her way cautiously over to it. Knelt down so that her knees were resting on the cold tile of the floor beneath. Her mind contemplated for a moment—it wasn't like she'd purged that often in the past week. Rather she hadn't at all. She swallowed hard, bending her head slightly to peer into the bowl where the water was sloshing about.
All the anger, the disgust and disappointment, the uneasiness—all of that would rapidly dissipate the second she forced everything inside of her to come up and out of her and right into that toilet in front of her. It always did when she purged. That was one of the top reasons she started purging in the first place, she reminded herself, was to numb out whatever emotions were ailing her. Purging wasn't just about getting skinny, at least not in her mind. She grew to find the pleasure in making herself ill—which only made her even more fucked up than she already was, she acknowledged.
Eyes squeezed shut as Lorna gradually decided on giving in to the longing desire. Even though, now, with her head hovering above the toilet, she realized she had no tooth brush to use to get her gag reflex going. Son of a bitch, she angrily thought. She'd never purged without the damn thing. Her eyes reopened and landed on her fingers. People used fingers to induce vomiting, she knew. But the thought of sticking them in her mouth and possible vomit getting on them caused a small shiver out of her. Not only did that not appeal to her but the fact that her fingers might develop callouses which would be noticeable to other people made her hesitate even further. She certainly hadn't want Nicky or anyone else to find out about this. They'd try to stop her and she didn't want to be stopped. Purging made it all better. Made the grief of her mom less painful, the school bullying more tolerable, and numbed out whatever else she felt. Like hell she was going to give anyone close to her the chance to ruin any of that for her. She'd be damned to let her main source of comfort to be ripped from right under her.
Carefully, and a bit shakily, Lorna brought two fingers up to her mouth and inserted them inside it. She pushed them as far as she could until they made her gag and she felt the coffee she'd previously consumed come gliding back through her esophagus. The process was repeated until all that expelled from her was stomach acid. Which burned her throat and mouth as it came up. The sensation caused her to gag even more almost to a point where she had no clue if she'd ever be able to stop.
However, while she was in the midst of her episode, a loud—rather persistent—knock on the door interjected her and finally she found the ability to cease the purging. Her hand fumbled quickly to grab onto the flushing handle and once it was in her grasp, she pushed down with more force than was truly needed. She hoped the sound was loud enough to cover up the sounds of her vomiting. Though, at that point, it was likely too late.
"Lorna, doll, is everything okay?"
The warm, soothing, sound of Nicky's voice calling out to her on the other side of that door sufficiently brought a wave of guilt and shame over Lorna. Nicky was too good. Way too good for someone like her, she deemed. All she did was bring her down in her barrel of obscurity. She forced down a harsh swallow and used the handle of the toilet to hoist herself off the floor with. Feet padded their way to the sink where she sluggishly washed her hands and face, taking her time to make sure she left no remnants of what she'd just done.
"I'll be out in a sec, hon. Just, uh, just washin' my face. Please don't be worried."
Lorna swallowed a lump that sat at the back of her throat and splashed hot water in her face. What reflected back to her from the mirror above had her head shake in a distasteful manner. She wasn't good enough for Nicky. Nicky deserved someone with less problems in their life. Someone who wasn't so weak and pathetic as she, herself, happened to be.
Another two minutes went by before Lorna finished with her task and opened the door to find a vastly apprehensive Nicky standing opposite of her. Her feet shifted back and forth as she stood, shamed to be the culprit of such an expression on her girlfriend's face. That only confirmed to her further how unworthy she was of being with Nicky. Unworthy of the love and affection Nicky always gave to her. She felt as though all she gave in return was a quivering ball of anxiety.
Despite the troubling thoughts whirling through her head, Lorna pursed her lips into a smile and gently reached a hand across to place on the taller girl's shoulder. Fingers tapped softly against it. A guilty knot molded into the pit of her stomach when she remembered how she so ragefully got up from the table and left a, probably, highly confused Nicky behind. She did her best to ignore the sensation and focused on keeping the smile on her face appear convincing.
Nicky peered back at her with a searing intensity. What occurred only ten minutes earlier hadn't sit well with her. To think she was uneasy before, now she was uneasy times two. Two thousand more like it, she thought. A sigh escaped her the longer her eyes gazed Lorna over. Of course she noticed the smile that lie amongst her face. A smile, however, that Nicky wasn't believing to be a genuine one.
Sucking down on her lower lip, Nicky folded her arms over her chest. Her gaze held firmly on the shorter teen. "I am worried. Ya just ran here all angry and without a warning, kid," she told her, using her hands to subconsciously play out the details. Air expelled heavily from her lungs in the form of a sigh squeaking through her windpipe. "What's wrong? And what were ya doin' for so long in there?"
"I'm sorry, hon," Lorna recoiled her shoulders and felt her lips immediately release the smile they once curled into.
Instinctively her head bowed down a slight amount, eyes entranced with the pattern of the floor below. The query made her feel lousy for her previous behavior. Even though she couldn't resist the anger that Shani girl's statements boiled her with. A sigh escaped from her mouth. She hadn't a reason to be angry with that girl, she reminded herself. Tater-tot lover was most-likely a better fit for Nicky, anyway—clearly had the looks on her side and there was no way she had half the fucked up problems that Lorna seemed to have. Another expel of air. The thoughts ran through her mind comparable to a whirling tornado.
"I just—erm, I don't know. But I wasn't angry at you. Guess just angry in general but, uh, I'm all good now." The smile from earlier returned to her face, though, this time she didn't even try to make it substantial.
Lorna's response only had the other's head shaking.
Frustration—exasperation, even—melded onto the face of Nicky. Her hands were brought up to the sides of her forehead, squeezing tightly around them as if that would somehow take the frustration away. That, of course, did not happen. All it truly did was form a dulling ache between her two temples. "Will you please stop saying you're good?" Irritation seeped through her voice and surprised herself after the fact. Nicky bit down on her bottom lip, gazing unnervingly ahead at her girlfriend. "I'm sorry, kid, but it just bothers me to see you constantly lie to yourself and everyone else about how you're feeling. You're not good. Ya haven't been good since probably before we met, Lorna. Why do ya keep pretending?"
You're not good. You're not good at all. You're not good enough for Nicky. You're no good for her. Lorna's mind swarmed with variations of the words that Nicky had spoken to her only seconds ago. Not the words exactly, she acknowledged, her brain fixed them into their proper meaning. Technically, Nicky was right by saying Lorna wasn't good. She wasn't good. Wasn't good for Nicky, not good enough to be her girlfriend. Not good for her sister, not good for her father—probably the reason he abused her nonstop—and certainly wasn't good for her foster family. She wasn't good for anyone. So, she wondered, what was the point of her existence? Why did Lorna Morello need to exist in the first place? It wasn't like she did any good for any of the people in her life. Even when her mother was alive all Lorna did was cause her stress with the Uncle George incident. And maybe the reason that incident occurred at all was because of how not good she was.
The sound of a foot very slightly tapping on the ground was what finally shook Lorna from her mind. Clearly, she had to give a response and one that Nicky wouldn't find the holes in. She swallowed down the ball of saliva that had been piling up beneath her tongue and shifted her eyes up onto Nicky's. Who's big brown eyes seemed to be burning a hole into her own. "I, uh, what do ya want me to say?"
Nicky sighed and unfolded her arms so that she could frame her hands softly around each of the brunette's cheeks. Despite how frustrating Lorna could be, it blatantly wasn't something she'd purposefully done. Lorna, apparent in her eyes, wasn't accustomed to having someone who wanted to help her as much as Nicky did. She swallowed thickly while tucking a loose strand of brown hair beneath her girlfriend's ear. "I just want you to be honest with me, doll. You're not good right now, I can see that. You can't fool me. Tell me how you're feeling, please. What made ya angry?"
Having the gentle touch of Nicky's warm hands on the flesh of her cheeks had Lorna's eyes innately shut. Mesmerized by the sensation. A sensation that brought her an immense amount of comfort. An immense amount of warmth. She sighed. Nicky deserved her honesty, she knew that deep down. And, of course, the desire to be honest with her was there. She knew a relationship couldn't last long on lies and yet, she had no idea how to stop from lying. It wasn't like she wanted to lie to Nicky, to hurt her all the time, but she'd rather lie than have Nicky be burdened with the severity of her issues. Nicky didn't deserve to be stuck with all that shit. Shit that even Lorna had no idea how to handle. Why should anyone else be dragged down with her?
"Um, erm, uh," was the incoherent response that Lorna could all but muster up. It felt as if there were an internal battle taking place in her head. One part of her wanted to open up to the obviously perturbed Nicky while the other part wanted her to keep her damn mouth shut. No matter how she looked at things, there would always be one person who wasn't happy.
She tried to swallow down the contradicting thoughts and feelings. But that appeared to be impossible. They wouldn't stop. And Nicky was standing there waiting for some sort of answer. Lorna lifted a hand up to her head and used it to slick back her hair while she did her best to form an explanation in her mind. She longed for a sip of coffee to calm her nerves but remembered she'd already finished hers and thrown it away.
"I just—it's stupid, hon. It's real stupid why I was mad. I don't wanna talk about it because you'll just see how pathetic I am," Lorna muttered once she found her voice again. She shifted her eyes away from the redhead and focused them on the entrance door that—from where she was currently standing—seemed so far away.
Letting out a breath, Nicky's head tilted and an instinctive hand brought Lorna's face back towards her own. In a spot where their eyes were on the same level. The tips of her finger she allowed to brush gingerly up along the outline of a porcelain cheek. "Babe, first of all, there is nothing about you that is or will ever be pathetic. And second nothing that makes you mad is stupid. Please tell me what it is. I wanna help ya," her voice warmly, albeit firmly, commanded.
Eyes shut for a moment as a sharp huff of air pushed out through the younger teen's windpipe. "That girl from the party who was here getting that coffee—I heard what she said to ya, hon. And I just—I got mad over it. I'm sorry. How petty am I for getting mad about—"
Nicky hushed her by inching heir faces closer so that their lips naturally met in a delicate kiss. When it was released, she took Lorna's head in both of her hands and cradled it lovingly. To see how upset her girlfriend was over some random girl like that Shani showed her—in a rather twisted way—just how much Lorna valued her and their relationship. And that only warmed her heart, and made her tighten her grasp on the shorter girl.
Lips stroked onto the crown of her head. "Oh, Lorna, it's okay. Ya don't have to worry about her. She ain't even half the person you are," she murmured, twisting her thumb around a strand of brown hair. "I love you, baby, and only you. You're the most beautiful person I ever met and I could never love anyone as much as I love you. I mean that, doll. You're stuck with me."
The two shared a smile and Lorna snaked her arms tightly around Nicky's shoulders while resting her face in the crook of her neck. "I love you so much, honey."
Stroking her lips a second time over the crown of Lorna's head, Nicky nodded intuitively while simultaneously pulling her even closer. Chin rested on the top of her head and fingers raked tenderly through dark waves of hair. "I know, babe," voice warm against the head her lips still rested on top of. "That's why I get so frustrated when ya keep saying you're okay or good when you're not. But maybe that's something we can work on at your therapy appointment next week, yeah? I just wanna be here for you, kid."
Chapter Text
Chapter Fifty-Five
The rest of the weekend went by rather smoothly with Lorna's spending the night at Nicky's Saturday and the two spending all of Sunday together. It saddened her for it to come to an end. That meant she had to come back to reality where she was living with a foster family and had to prepare herself for another week of hell at school, starting with tomorrow morning. As soon as she arrived back at the Chapman house, she spent the entire evening—and into the wee hours of the night—scrambling to finish the assignment for her science class. The threat of Annalisa's words looming through her previously frantic mind.
It wasn't until Lorna had entered through the door of the girls' bathroom the very next morning at school that she realized she hadn't waited up for Nicky. Or even seen her at all. The fact alone was sufficient to confirm her decision to stop in there in the first place. Guilt ate through every inch of her skin. Why was she the way she was? A query that ran through her mind at least once a day. She swallowed hard and ran into one of the empty stalls, locking it shut behind her.
After triple checking that the door was latched securely, Lorna knelt down in front of the toilet and reached in her purse for her beloved toothbrush. Grateful to have it with her this time. She never wanted to end up in the situation she was in on Saturday again; she'd have to make certain not to forget to pack the small object in her purse. Or maybe it'd be best if she just left it in there when she wasn't using it, the thought pondered through her mind.
It took only a few minutes of going through the cycle for the toilet bowl in front of her to fill up with the miniscule remnants of Lorna's stomach—mostly coffee and the small bowl of fruit and yogurt that she forced herself to have that morning as to not anger Mrs. Chapman once more. Each purge felt like that first sip of coffee she'd have every morning. Or waking up on Christmas as a little girl. It truly washed her with a sensation she couldn't figure out a proper descriptor for. She flushed the toilet, wiped her mouth quickly with her hand, and went out to the sink to wash up.
While she stood scrubbing her hands and face with soap, her eyes peered straight ahead at the mirror. Yet, she wasn't paying much attention to her reflection at that moment. She was too engulfed in her thoughts. Thoughts of what the hell she was feeling when it came to purging. Was she feeling the same way Nicky felt when she was using heroin? Is that what description she was looking for that she couldn't quite put a word to? Was purging her form of heroin? Lorna shuddered immediately upon such a questioning thought whirling about her head. That couldn't be true. It wasn't like she had a problem or anything. She could stop purging whenever she wanted. Hell, she'd gone a whole week—okay, more like five days—without purging. Certainly, she didn't have a purging problem. No, no, of course not. Lorna was perfectly fine.
After sufficiently washing herself off and having one final glance in the mirror, she reluctantly made the decision to head to her first period class. From the time it took her to exit the restroom through the hallways towards the room for her science class, it was nearing eight o'clock when she'd sat down in her assigned desk. The bell rang upon her entrance. For once she made it before the bell, she thought as she set her notebook and binder on the surface in front of her.
Her hands rummaged through the binder for the papers she printed out the evening prior. Annalisa already seemed to have a hit out on her, she'd rather be prepared before the very girl walked in through that damn door and acted on the unrelenting hatred she had for her. Lorna was in enough of a grave, she certainly didn't need Annalisa digging it any deeper for her.
Moments passed until the sound of footsteps approaching unnervingly caught Lorna's attention. With caution and timidity, she gradually lifted her head from the assignment her eyes were glancing over and found the culprit to be the blonde she so desperately wished wasn't her damn partner for the project. A large breath of air inhaled sharply through her mouth. She bit down on her lip and gave a thorough glance over the other.
Annalisa forcibly sat down in the desk directly across from the noticeably tremoring Lorna and let out a menacing snicker. The shiner she'd given her the past Friday still lie beneath her eye albeit slightly faded. She nodded and shifted her eyes onto the papers spread across the surface of Lorna's desk. Hands roughly snatched them, bringing them closer to her face so she could properly read over them. The forced nature of her actions caused the desk to wobble on its legs.
"Hmm," she breathed out, turning through stapled pages of their science project. Head nodded robotically as her eyes mentally read the words on each piece of paper. When she finished, she threw them harshly back onto Lorna's desk and stared her over unreadably. "You're lucky ya got this done today, Morello. I'll spare ya another black eye…this time, anyway."
The brunette nodded copiously while drawing in a relieving breath of air. That was a surprising reaction, she acknowledged—she was more than expecting Annalisa to threaten her or have a rage-filled outburst at her as she almost always appeared to do. But this, she swallowed uneasily, this was rather tame. Verging on the realm of normalcy. Either that was a good thing or was only the calm before the storm. Lorna didn't know which one was worse.
Clearing her throat, Annalisa slammed a hand on the metal of the desk to get the other girl's attention. Eyes peered darkly over her. She felt her lips form into a smirk. Even when she was on the nicer side she still managed to make Lorna uneasy and on edge. There was no greater feeling than that, she thought. As long as Lorna remained uncomfortable all was right in the world for Annalisa. Of course, having numerous options for harassing the girl certainly made it much more entertaining, she deemed with the smirk on her face intensifying.
"You better just hope Mrs. Bell gives us an A on this or else. Ya got that, Morello?"
Lorna gave a timid nod in response and Annalisa let out another snicker.
The rest of class Lorna sat uneasily in her seat, waiting for Annalisa to go off on her. Fortunately, nothing further happened and she was grateful for the bell to ring once more to signify the end of the period.
The school day flew by, much to Lorna's fortune, and it hadn't been long until she was arriving back on the front porch of her foster family's house. Sunlight poured over her from the rays' beaming their lights heavily from the sky above. She wasn't even halfway to the end of the sidewalk leading to the door when her ears caught the sound of a car horn loudly honking. Naturally, Lorna turned towards it and eyes quickly widened to see Franny's car sitting on the curb of the house.
Her eyes squinted, however, her feet turned direction and she made her way over to the car. Once she'd gotten in and fastened herself in the passenger's seat, she twisted her head to stare the older girl over puzzlingly. "What are ya doin' here, Fran? Where are we going? I thought my therapy appointment wasn't til' Wednesday?"
Franny pulled the lever to reverse and carefully backed her way out of the driveway. Making her way out of the rather confusing neighborhood, she finally peeked a glance at her sister. The lump that had been sitting in the back of her throat tightened. Having received a phone call from the hospital their father was a patient of, just hours earlier, she loathed the thought of shattering Lorna's world yet again. Especially so soon after the passing of their mother. Sure, it wasn't like Mr. Morello was dead—but according to the Doctor she spoke with he might as well be.
She opened her mouth to respond, however, was interrupted by a kick to the back of her seat. Eyes rapidly shifted onto the rearview mirror catching her son's behavior red-handed. "Marco, why are ya kicking mommy's seat?"
The little boy looked up from his toy truck he'd been playing with and he gave his mother a cheeky grin. "Bumpy school bus," he muttered, lifting the truck his hands gripped onto and shook it for her to see.
Coming to a stoplight, Franny brought a hand up to her temple and rubbed at it meticulously. Despite the news weighing on her mind she forced a smile to her face and nodded at her son. At least Marco was too young to understand anything that had been going on the past several months of their lives. She sighed. Marco was the only one who didn't have to suffer through grief and heartache at his young age—something, deep down, she was grateful for.
"Bumpy school bus? But that's a truck you're holding, hon." She curved an eyebrow at him.
Marco giggled, nodding his head rather enthusiastically. "I like my truck," he looked down at it and tapped his fingers against the wheels on the bottom of it. "I like my truck a lot, mama. It cool and it goes bump bump." To emphasize the latter, he placed the object so the wheels were touching the top of the drink holder that separated his seat from the empty one on the other side and moved it around, shaking it as he did so. A proud smile on his face while he looked up into the eyes of his mother from her reflection in the mirror.
There wasn't enough coffee in the world to help Franny understand her son's response to the question she had seconds earlier asked him. A hand she used to slick back her hair, giving a soft smile to the little boy despite not being able to make sense of his words. "I see, Marco. It is a nice truck. But why'd ya call it bumpy school bus?"
The brunette boy shook his head, curls bouncing along with such movement. "I dindtn't, mama. This," he held up the toy, "this my truck. It bumpy like bumpy school bus. I kick chair to make bumpy like bumpy school bus, too."
"Ah, I see now," Franny gave an intent nod before turning the car back onto the freeway. She returned her eyes onto the windshield ahead of her to focus on driving. "You're a smart little boy, Marco. But ya gotta be more specific when telling me things or anyone else. Otherwise we don't know what you're sayin'."
Marco scrunched his nose up—almost in the same way his aunt Lorna did. He squinted his eyes, trying to figure out what his mom was telling him. The hand with the truck in it was brought back to lay in his lap. "What does pspefic mean, mom?"
Having sat silently the whole drive thus far, listening attentively to the conversation between her sister and nephew, Lorna couldn't resist the chuckle that escaped her. The innocence of her little nephew warmed her heart tremendously. His little questions and comments were the perfect combination to lighten her mood after a long, hard, week adjusting to a new—temporary—living situation.
Swallowing down a gob of saliva, the oldest Morello in the car inhaled a sharp breath and tried to keep her eyes on the road ahead. "Specific means ya gotta tell mommy exactly what ya wanna say, hon."
"What does essactly mean?"
"Exactly means no more questions. Mommy is driving and needs to pay attention to where she's going. We can talk about all the words ya want later, okay buddy?"
"Mmkay," the boy mumbled, lower lip slightly tremoring as he bent his head down.
Franny sighed, heart heavy with guilt. She shifted her eyes onto her sister and naturally reached a free hand over to place on one of hers. "He gets that from you, Lorn," her voice loud enough so that only Lorna could hear her. Her head tilted in direction of the pouting three-year-old in the backseat. "He's gonna be a sensitive teenager, I can already see it."
The rest of the drive was filled with silence. An eerie silence, Lorna felt as she still sat clueless as to where the hell Franny was taking them to. When the car came to a stop—a rather jolting stop Lorna acknowledged at the sensation of her body slightly leaning forward in synchrony with the car's halting into a parking spot—her eyes were effortlessly able to piece together where they happened to be by the surroundings out through the windshield in front of her.
Before even moving a fraction of an inch, her brown eyes shifted rapidly over towards her sister. She peered at her with heavily widened eyes—taking in how suddenly apprehensive and uneasy Franny appeared. "Why, why are we in the parking garage of the hospital? Did, did something happen to dad? Is he dead?" A hand instantly covered up her mouth when she realized the last question that slipped out of it. The inflection of her voice wasn't even as frantic as it had been when her mother had passed in the hospital, she guiltily realized.
Having her toddler son sitting in the back, Franny had to bite down on her tongue and make sure she was careful with the words she chose to respond with. Gradually she turned her head to properly return the younger girl's gaze. A knot melded into the pit of her stomach when she noticed the unusually bewildered look on her face. She distracted herself momentarily by turning the key in the ignition and taking it out of the hole to place in her handbag which sat on the compartment separating her seat from Lorna's.
"No, hon, dad's not dead," the statement came out in a slightly bitter tone. A tone not directed at Lorna but their father.
Everything that was going on right now led right back to him. She shook her head at the sick reality of it. He got to lay in the hospital drugged out of his gore so he couldn't feel pain while she and Lorna were left to deal with the aftermath of his stupidity. It angered her. It angered her tremendously. But she did her best to keep it from showing. She had her little boy in the car and Lorna was in no condition to witness such a rage. Her eyes closed and she gritted her teeth.
"But the doctor called and said dad's in real bad shape." Franny watched closely over her sister once she'd opened her eyes back up. Hoping she'd be able to decipher some of the emotions that might be running through her mind.
A large breath of air expelled from Lorna's lungs. She opened her mouth and swallowed. Eyes averted away from the older brunette, landing on the window right beside her. Watching intently as a few people walked down along the cement ground, farther and farther away until they disappeared into the abyss. "What does that mean? Is he gonna die?" She didn't look back at her. Too disgruntled to do so.
On a sick, twisted, level Lorna hoped that's exactly what the doctor's revelation meant. Mr. Morello had made their lives near hell the past several years and if he ended up dying at least they'd be guaranteed peace of mind from his abuse. She wouldn't ever have to worry about the state putting her back in the home with her abusive father, she knew. Not like they could dig him out of his grave and make him come back to life so he could have custody of her.
Franny sighed and reached a hand over to place over top of her sister's. "His liver's failing is what they told me. If he don't get a donated one soon he'll probably die. And I guess cause' he done been drinkin' himself sick the last few years they won't put him on the transplant list," she spoke in a monotonous voice, eyes peering out of the same window the younger brunette was. Her head shook at the recollection of the phone call from earlier. Anger boiled at the fact that after all the pain their father had caused the two of them that he had the fucking audacity to ask—rather demand—for both she and Lorna to be tested to see if either were possible candidates.
A lump formed in the back of her throat and no matter how many times Lorna swallowed it hadn't gone away. Despite her thoughts from seconds earlier, hearing what she longed for out loud caused an intense bout of nausea to come over. Maybe she didn't truly want her father to die. Or maybe she felt disgusted with herself for wishing death on her own dad. She couldn't figure out which one was truer. Could contradicting desires possibly be true at once? A hand was brought up to her forehead and she used it to rub at her temples.
The starting of a headache was easily picked up on, Lorna shut her eyes but to no avail. The sensation only grew stronger. She sighed solemnly and finally deterred her eyes off the window and back onto her sister. "Are we here to give him a liver?" A heavy breath heaved from her chest. Lorna shook her head and brought her knees up to tuck under her chin. "Dad drank himself to this point and he can get a liver to save his life. But mom didn't have any fault in her sickness and she never got a liver to save her life, Fran. That's not fair."
Stroking pale knuckles comfortingly with her thumb, Franny nodded sadly. Nothing about this was fair, she deemed. Mr. Morello got off on watching everyone around him suffer while he gorged himself in alcohol. So much alcohol that now he'd been on the cusp of dying from a failing liver and he knew his daughters were the only two who had the possibility of stopping that from happening. Evil wasn't enough of a word to describe him, Franny mentally affirmed.
A sigh escaped her and she returned her attention onto the smaller brunette across from her. "I know it's not fair, hon. Mom shoulda been the one saved by a new liver, not dad. We're not giving him anything, Lorn. We're just having a stupid blood test to shut dad up. No matter what the results dad ain't gettin' either of our livers, okay?"
Lorna's eyes slightly squinted after hearing that. She swallowed thickly and pondered on whether or not she'd be a match for her father. Knowing her shitty luck she would be. Such a thought only tightened her chest. If she ended up being a match, she wouldn't feel comfortable refusing to donate to their sickly father. Even though she so desperately wanted to be rid of him for good. Wanted out of his abusive clutches.
She exhaled deeply, resting her head on the rim of the window beside her. Eyes stared out of it but didn't focus on anything in particular. Let the sight of the dark, gray, parking garage mesmerize them as they gazed. "What if I'm a match, Fran? I-I couldn't just not give dad my—"
"No, Lorn, even if ya happen to be a match you're not giving dad shit. He don't deserve it not after all he's done to us. And we haven't even taken the test yet so don't go jumping ahead, okay? Let's just go in and get the damn thing taken."
The waiting room was cold making Lorna's shoulders shiver and her hands instantly pulled on the sleeves of her sweater, tugging it closer up on the caps of shoulders to stop the shivering. No one was in there but the two of them along with Franny's son, who sat on her lap too busy playing with his trucks to really notice where exactly they were. Silence loomed through the room—so much so that Lorna's ears easily picked up on even the faintest of sounds. Eyes shifted nervously around the area.
A nurse came over to them, not long after they'd sat down, a clipboard in her hand and called for the sisters to follow her. They were led down the hallway, a narrow one at that, until the nurse turned into an open door. The pair followed inside—Lorna behind Franny, who carried Marco in her arms. Both were directed to sit down in the adjacent chairs while the auburn haired woman turned to the counter on the other side of the room to gather what was needed for the blood draw.
Lorna was first and though it only took a matter of minutes for the needle to be injected through a vein, it felt more like an eternity. Her teeth dug into her tongue from the unexpected pain of the needle penetrating her skin. It shouldn't have hurt that bad, she thought, she'd cut her skin on purpose a few days prior and she barely flinched. How could this be more painful than that? The query pondered through her mind. When the nurse released the tourniquet from her arm and removed the needle, she closed her eyes in relief.
Only a minute it took for the process to be repeated with Franny and once that was completed, the nurse placed their tubes of blood in separate baggies. She grabbed a label for each with their names already printed on them, sticking them on the appropriate bags. Once that was done, she turned back to the brunettes. "I'll be taking this down to the lab now and it shouldn't be more than an hour or so before the results are in. You can go back to the waiting room or visit with your dad. I'll have the doctor find you once we get the results, okay?"
An hour. It was only supposed to be an hour long wait. Lorna averted her eyes onto the clock as she sat tapping her foot atop the tiled floor beneath. It would be an hour in, according to the clock, forty-five minutes. She turned her head away from it and focused her eyes down on her hands that rest in her lap. Only fifteen minutes had gone by since the blood was taken from her skin, she sighed. She could have sworn it was an hour. It felt closer to that than the measly fifteen minutes the time was trying to convince her of.
Forty-five minutes was going to drag. A breath inhaled sharply through her nose. What the hell was she supposed to do in the waiting room of a hospital for that length of time? Like fuck she was going to stop by her father's room. He was the whole fucking reason they were sitting here right now waiting for the results of that damned blood test. She swallowed a gob of saliva and crossed a leg over her other. The pocket of her jeans felt bulky against the hand she had laying atop it and she lightly chuckled when she remembered her phone was inside it.
Retrieving the phone from the pocket, she flipped open the top and browsed through it mindlessly. Eyes came over Nicky's contact and she hesitated for a second. Should she call her? What the hell would she say? A sigh came out. She certainly didn't want to discuss this with her, right now, and end up worrying her over it. Nicky already worried way too much for her. It wasn't until she heard the dial tone coming from the phone that she realized her thumb automatically clicked on the call button beside her name.
The phone was swiftly lifted up to her ear, listening through the numerous rings before the call finally picked up. Her mind ran a mile a minute as she tried to come up with a reason for calling Nicky. Or more a reason for why she had spent the school day avoiding her. She swallowed uneasily, eyes gazing down at the marble-tiled flooring. It hadn't been purposeful that Lorna avoided her through the day—she was just rushing around trying to make sure she didn't get on Annalisa's bad side, once again, with their science project.
Her eyes shut as a breath inhaled through the nostrils of her nose. At least busying herself with a phone conversation would make the forty-five minutes pass quicker, she thought. Hoped. "Hi, Nicky. It's me Lorna," the statement slipped out rather effortlessly. She wanted to face-palm herself for saying such an obvious thing but refrained from doing so.
"I know it's you, doll," a warm chuckle made its way from Nicky's throat. She sat out on the porch, a coffee in one hand while her other held the phone up to her ear. Quickly, however, the chuckle dissipated and in its wake a frown was left sitting on her face. Eyes looked out into the street where a few bunnies hopped about on the sidewalks. She watched intently until they faded into the void.
Air was inhaled through her mouth. Worry lines had creased onto the flesh of her forehead the second she noticed Lorna's number light-up the screen of her phone. They hadn't seen each other since Sunday afternoon right before Lorna left to head home. Uneasiness loomed over her, mind pondering over what could possibly be the culprit of such thing.
"That's the point of caller ID, yeah? To know who's calling," an innate laugh left the both of them at the comment Nicky made. She opened her mouth and sucked in a deep breath of the fresh spring air. "I didn't see ya at school at all, Lorna. You doing okay?"
Lorna tapped the tips of her shoes against the ground beneath where they rested. Her head nodded in acknowledgment to the words her girlfriend had just commented on through the receiver of the phone. Though she knew Nicky couldn't see the nod, it was a natural response for her to do so regardless. "I know, hon, I'm sorry. I wasn't tryna avoid ya or nothin', I just I had to rush to make sure I got my science project done in time. If I get an A on it then I won't fail the class," she spoke softly into the phone, cupping her hand around the bottom of it so that no one else was able to eavesdrop.
Despite having some reservations on whether she truly believed her girlfriend's explanation, Nicky chose to not confront her further on the matter. At least not right now. Instead, she shifted the positioning of her legs and took a long sip of her coffee. There was a rather faint uneasiness inflected in the other's voice which Nicky quickly picked up on. The lines on her forehead only strengthened with the growing concern consuming her. "Yeah? That project with Annalisa? Please tell me she helped with it. You didn't do all the work, did you babe?"
"Course' she helped, she, uh, she picked the topic and, erm, researched it." Lorna felt a random itch on her arm and swiftly lifted her free hand to scratch it away. The words came out of her in such a fumbled fashion that it certainly wouldn't surprise her if Nicky wasn't convinced by them. Even she had a hard time believing what she said. Clearly, Annalisa did nothing to assist with the assignment. That was all on Lorna to complete.
"Yeah?" Nicky's head shook, however, at her girlfriend's answer. The many uhs and erms that spilled from her mouth swayed Nicky to suppose none of what Lorna had said was the truth. She bit down on her lower lip and turned head to peer out into Red's newly started garden. Well, rather, her cleaned and prepped garden area since the weather was still too cold to grow anything. "What part of the project did she do, doll? Not just research, either, like actual work—what did she do?"
The query had a knot meld into Lorna's stomach and a gulp swallowed down. She busied her free hand with the strap of her purse, nervously twisting and untwisting it. Nicky knew exactly the questions to stumble her with, she acknowledged. "Erm, she's gonna give the presentation in fronta the class on Friday, hon. With, um, the PowerPoint she made," head bobbed up and down with everything that she said. Eyes focused on the twist she was doing to the brown purse straps around her fingers.
Drawing in a breath, Nicky gave a slow nod and finished off of her coffee with a vastly huge mouthful. The statement wasn't completely buying her persuasion, yet, it was sufficient that she didn't find the need to dawdle further on it. "Good. She better be putting effort in too, kid. You're too much of a people pleaser sometimes but I'm just glad the bitch is at least doing the hard part. I know how anxiety inducing talking in front of a big crowd is for you, baby, so at least ya don't have to deal with that."
Lorna bounced her head up, the corners of her lips forming into a small smile. Thankful Nicky didn't interrogate her any farther. She sighed, though, remembering where she was when the sound of a nurse on the loud speaker paging a doctor caught the attention of her ears. It was quite boisterous and she hoped Nicky hadn't been able to hear it, too. That would only lead to another round of questioning.
Eyes squinted inquisitively on Nicky's face; ears clearly made out the word doctor coming through the receiver of the phone. Where the hell was Lorna? The worry intensified. "Where ya at, kid? I heard some strange voice mumble out doctor in the background—are you at the hospital? Are you okay, baby? What's going on?"
Lorna swallowed a lump.
Chapter 57
Notes:
Thank you so much to everyone who's still taking the time to read this story of mine; I appreciate it more than I can explain. I just so love writing this story and it makes my heart happy to know there are others out there who are interested enough to give it a little read. Thank you.
Chapter Text
Chapter Fifty-Six
Apprehension continued to strengthen for Nicky, the lump that was swallowed by Lorna was loud enough for Nicky's ear to pick up on. She tightened her grasp on the phone in her hand and took in a long, profound, breath. The absence of a response from the girl on the other end of the phone had her fearing the worst. Her heart-rate climbed dramatically as her mind swarmed with possible reasons Lorna might be at the hospital. Legs became restless, switching positions multiple times in the span of a few minutes. A couple of times her mouth opened but no words found their way out of it.
The same was repeated by Lorna on the other line; she opened her mouth to respond but couldn't form the proper sentence to speak. Her eyes shifted onto the clock and saw there was only forty minutes left until the nurse would be back with those test results. Lungs pushed a sharp breath up and through her throat. She looked down at her lap, noticing how neither leg had been sat still since she and Franny came back to the waiting room twenty minutes earlier. "Uh, erm, I'm just visiting Franny and she got some soap opera on the TV—real loud, that's probably what ya heard. It's a hospital scene is all, hon."
That was sufficient cause for Nicky's concern to help bring words back to her. She shook her head rather violently, standing up abruptly from her chair and pacing back and forth around the width of the porch. A hand was brought up and placed on the corner of her forehead. "Be real with me, kid. You know I'm not buyin' that, yeah?" She tried to keep her voice calm but the frustration was rather intense. So intense that she felt as if the frustration was moving through her veins instead of blood.
"I am being real, hon," Lorna frantically said back, desperate for the older girl to drop the subject.
She was in no frame of mind to delve any further into it at that moment. The day seemed to be piling everything onto her, she deemed. Her mind could hardly process it all at once, let alone form coherent explanations to share with her already worrying girlfriend. A sigh expelled. Nicky spent way too much of her time worrying for her; she wanted none of it. Nicky didn't deserve or need that kind of worry in her life, Lorna acknowledged.
However, before Lorna could elaborate or say anything else, Franny grabbed a hold of the phone from her hand and brought it to her own ear and mouth so she could inform Nicky of what was really going on. She sat watching this train wreck long enough that she couldn't resist from intervening any longer. Her eyes fell on those of her sister's, who stared back at her in shock of such unexpected actions. Franny recoiled her shoulders albeit the stern look she gave the younger brunette.
"Nicky, this is Franny," the older brown-haired woman first greeted, holding a free hand in Lorna's face across from her to halt her from trying to grab at the phone.
She drew in a breath of air to prepare herself for what she planned on saying. Of course, she realized Lorna wouldn't be too pleased with her but she figured it was the least she could do for Nicky—seeing as the girl still had qualms around her after finding out about the abuse of Mr. Morello. Plus, it was time Lorna stopped leaving her own girlfriend in the dark when it came to the happenings of her own life. Franny sighed, using her hand to pat comfortingly over her sister's shoulder. "Lorna and I are at the hospital—we're just getting tested to see if either of us are candidates to donate some a our liver to our dad," she rolled her eyes at the last part, still disgruntled over the whole debacle.
Nicky's pacing sped up at the disclosure. Worry morphed into anger. Candidates to donate a liver to their father? The repetition of Franny's comment caused her teeth to grit together in a fury. Why should that fucking man have any part of either of them when all he did was abuse the hell out of them, especially Lorna? Her mind swirled with infuriating queries. She shook her head copiously, balling both of her hands into fists at her sides. How she longed to pound someone's face in at that point in time.
She swallowed thickly, trying to smooth the anger down. Anger wouldn't fix things, she had to remind herself. A statement she knew Red would likely say to her if she were sitting out there with her right now. She brought a hand up to her forehead and used it to slick back her hair. Inhaling slowly, she let a deep breath of air to soak up into her mouth and the nostrils of her nose. "But why? I hope to god Lorna's not a match. And even if she is, why should she have to give any part of her to that man? He fucking hurt her. He deserves to rot for that."
The older brunette's head nodded in agreement with the words of her sister's girlfriend. Their father deserved nothing but to lay in that damn hospital bed and rot until he succumbed to the failing liver inside of him. He was an evil, demented, good-for-nothing excuse of a pitiful man. Franny squeezed her eyes shut momentarily and took a small breath in. "She's not giving him anything regardless of the results, I won't let her. But his doctor pretty much ordered that we got the blood test to see. We should be getting the results within the next hour—I thought ya might wanna be here with Lorna for that, I know how close the two a ya are," her shoulders subtly bounced up in a shrug.
A sigh escaped Nicky and her pacing gradually lessened. Despite still slightly feeling unsure of Franny after the events of the last week, this encounter diminished some of that sensation. Maybe Franny wasn't entirely at fault, she thought. No, she scolded silently, the only one truly at fault was their piece of shit, sorry excuse, father. He was the only reason for the current predicament going on in Lorna's life. And boy did she hope neither sister were matches for him. That he would be forced to suffer until the hour of his painful death. "Uh thanks, Franny, for letting me know what's actually going on. Course' I'll come down and be there with her—lemme just go tell my ma and I'll be on my way."
Once the phone call ended, Lorna ragefully snatched the phone from her sister's hands and gave her a rather dark glare. The last thing she wanted was Nicky fraying over her. And now, thanks to her sister, that was more than likely exactly what poor Nicky was doing. "The hell was that for, Fran? I never gave ya permission to snatch my phone and blab to my girlfriend," anger seethed through her teeth, eyes wide with fury. She pushed up on the handles of her chair to roughly jolt herself up from it.
"Lorn, ya gotta stop keeping things from her. It's a real bad cycle with you—why can't ya just let your girlfriend be there for ya? It's obvious she wants to be so why are you not letting her?" The irritation in Franny's voice matched the intensity of anger that was in Lorna's. She mirrored the shorter girl's movements, getting up from her seat as well, and walked directly in front of her—using her hands to grasp onto her shoulders so she couldn't escape.
Swallowing nervously, Lorna bit down on her bottom lip and shifted her eyes away from the blue ones of her sister. The close proximity only intensified the apprehension that slowly consumed her. "That's not what any a this is about, Fran," teeth still gritted from the unrelenting anger. Anger that Franny would have the audacity to snatch her phone and do what she did. "Nicky's always worrying for me and I didn't want to make her any more worried right now and you just ruined that. I hope you're happy, Franny."
A sigh tumbled up out of the taller woman's larynx. She framed both of her hands soothingly around the pale cheeks of her sister and peered intently into her eyes. "Hon, lyin' to her isn't going to make her worry any less. Your intentions are good but ya gotta stop lying about everything. Nicky's your girlfriend—you need to be honest with her. Relationships aren't built on lies, Lorn. Maybe this is something to bring up with your therapist on Wednesday, yeah? She could help ya open up to the people who care about you," Franny softly, carefully, suggested.
"Okay, Nicky, hold up," Red firmly commanded after not being able to fully comprehend what was said with how fast the words spewed from her daughter's mouth. Her teacup was placed on a coaster on the end-table right beside the chair she occupied and the reading glasses on her face were pushed up on her nose by her thumb. She squinted them slightly as she looked the young redhead over precisely. "Why are you going to the hospital? You need to slow down and talk so I can actually hear what you're saying, honey."
A heaping huff of air grunted out through Nicky's mouth. Her legs restlessly shifted as she sat on the edge of the cushion on the couch adjacent to Red's armchair. Rage was still bubbling beneath her skin as the phone conversation with Franny played on a loop in her mind. How she longed to clock Mr. Morello in the head with a one ton brick right then and there. She sucked her lower lip inward and averted her eyes onto the Russian matron across from her.
"Lorna's sister said the two of them are there waiting to get the results of some blood test some asshat of a doctor made them get to see if either are matches for donating a liver to their garbage can of a father," she muttered through grinding teeth.
Saying it aloud once more only made the anger stronger. Lorna had been through enough, she thought, she didn't need to deal with this shit on top of everything else. She shook her head spitefully while kicking her feet at the ground. Secretly wishing the ground was her girlfriend's father's head she was kicking.
The anger on her daughter's face wasn't missed by Red's vastly attentive eyes. She frowned and reached a hand over to cup around one of her cheeks. The tips of her fingers stroked soothingly up and down the length of it. "I'll come with you, darling. You're too angry to operate a vehicle, anyway," she softly pointed out, bringing her other hand over to frame around the other side of Nicky's cheek. She brought her face closer to her own and pressed a motherly kiss atop her head.
Nicky nodded after the embrace had been released and followed Mrs. Reznikov out to her car. Once both of them were fastened in their seats and Red had backed out of the driveway, Nicky turned her head to peer her mother figure over methodically. A sigh escaped and she swallowed down an uneasy lump that had formed. "Ma, I'm real worried about the kid."
Coming to a stop sign just down the street from her house, Red slightly shifted her head to return the young teen's gaze. Eyebrows arched over two concerned eyes. "Who, Lorna?" Nicky's nod ignited a small pang to sit on her own chest. She reached a free hand over to place on top of one of Nicky's, stroking it warmly with her thumb. "It'll be okay, honey. Whatever happens, Lorna will have all of us there with her. That father of hers, though, he shouldn't even be allowed to have her liver, after what he did to her. That's messed up." Her head shook distastefully at the thought.
By the time the pair of them made it to the hospital and up the elevator to the waiting area where Franny had informed them they were, it didn't take long for Nicky to catch sight of the two brunettes and even less time it took for her eyes to observe the tears falling from her girlfriend's precious ones. Instantly her heart sank and she frisked her way over, quickly pulling Lorna up from her chair and onto to her chest for a warm, protective, cuddle. Lips rested atop her head and hands found their way through dark waves of hair.
"Why are ya crying, baby? What's wrong?" The questions spilled softly from her mouth as she gently swayed back and forth with Lorna still in her arms. She reluctantly lifted Lorna's head from her chest so that she could look her lovingly in the eyes, brushing a few loose strands of hair away from them. Lips pressed onto her forehead.
A hard swallow. Brown eyes shifted downwards, trying to suck back in all of the tears but there were too many. She sighed, feet twitching uneasily against the floor underneath them. The nurse had just stopped by with the results seconds before Nicky and Red's arrival; the words still rung through Lorna's ears. Luck was not something in her pocket, that much was for certain. "The nurse," her voice quivered slightly, eyes gazing at nothing in particular. "She was just here and she—I'm a match, Nicky. My dad's life is in my hands."
Nicky's eyes closed as she took in her girlfriend's comment. Her bottom lip sucked underneath the top one. She shook her head harshly. Why was everything always seemingly stacked against her sweet Lorna? The question tore through her mind. Arms tightened around Lorna's waist—a waist that suddenly appeared much smaller in her arms. She shook away the thought, now wasn't the time to be pondering over that. A big breath of air came in through her open mouth.
"You don't have to give that man a damn thing, ya hear me? Just cause you're a match, that doesn't mean he's entitled to have anything from you. Babe don't think like that. The only hands your dad's life is in is his own—he did this all on his own. You had absolutely no part in any of this, Lorna. We'll figure this out, kid, together," words murmured tenderly into the brunette's ear, breath warmly trickled on its flesh.
Lorna's legs trembled as she stood in Nicky's embrace. It felt like the walls were caving in on her. Her breathing gradually grew heavier and all she could do to calm herself was squeeze her eyes tightly shut. She swallowed a build up of saliva and tried to stop all the incessant thoughts from running rabid through her mind. "Nicky, if I don't—if I don't give him any a my liver, he'll die. I-I don't, if he dies…that means I-I won't have any parents. I'd be an orphan, Nicky. And his death, that—it would be my fault for—"
"No," Nicky rapidly interjected before she could finish her sentence. She cupped a hand around Lorna's cheek and gazed sternly into her eyes. "You're not at fault for a damn thing, Lorna. Don't you dare play the blame game on yourself. Don't you dare put any of this on yourself," her tone was firm but not louder than a whisper, she curled a strand of hair behind the ear she whispered into. "If he dies, it's his fault. He has a bad liver from the alcohol he chose to overconsume, baby, not from anything you did. You've done nothing—absolutely nothing wrong."
A pause was taken so Nicky could catch her breath. She sucked in the air around her and let it slowly inhale through her nose. The palms of her hands brushed tenderly along the flesh of the cheeks they framed around; she leaned closer to rest their foreheads against each other. "You don't owe your dad anything, doll, please know that. He hurt you. He fucking hurt you. You have no obligation to donate a thing to that man, okay?" Mouth pressed up warmly upon the tip of Lorna's nose. Nuzzling it in a comforting manner.
"But I could save him, Nicky. I could save him and if I don't, I'd be self—"
"Stop it, Lorna. Stop it right now. You're not selfish. You're not even fucking close to being selfish. You were abused by him; he put his hands on you, he fucking chased you with a gun. You are not the selfish one, baby, your dad is."
Despite the intensity of the sternness oozing from Nicky's voice, Lorna felt a form of comfort and security come over her suddenly after hearing all that was said. There certainly might have been some part of her that craved the care and affection that Nicky so effortlessly gave to her; a part of her, on a subconscious level, didn't completely believe that she was entirely undeserving of it. But that part of her was so miniscule that it had hardly any bearing on any decisions Lorna made.
A deep, slow, breath was inhaled through Lorna's nose. She lifted a hand up to her forehead and mindlessly rubbed at one of her temples. Another shovel worth of dirt piled onto her grave with this incident, the thought ran through her mind. Tears had since ceased and now all that remained were a few spaced out sniffles. It was just her luck that she'd be the one to test as a perfect match for their father. Of course she would. Of fucking course. She snuffled slightly and shook her head bitterly.
Distress steadily morphed into madness. As if her body was being consumed by the budding anger. She gritted her teeth roughly together, grinding them until the only sound that roared through her ears was the clinging of her teeth against each other.
Standing a few feet back from the pair, Red watched with a hefty bout of concern etched on her face. Something clearly wasn't entirely okay, that much she was able to figure out by the tears and shaking coming from Lorna. The sight must have meant those test results Nicky had mentioned earlier had not gone in any of their favors. No one but Mr. Morello's favor, she shook her head bitterly at the thought. That man deserved no redemption for his life, Red deemed, not when he believed abusing his own daughter was acceptable.
Her eyes shifted onto the taller brunette, who'd sat in one of the chairs a toddler boy on her lap—who seemed blissfully unaware of what was going on or where they were even at—and she decided to have a seat beside her. The woman had to be Lorna's sister, she presumed as she slid into the unoccupied chair on the other side of her. The little boy looked up from his handful of toys when he heard her sit down and Red returned the stare with a friendly smile. She always had enjoyed being around children, it naturally brought out her motherly affection. Reminded her of when her own kids were young.
"Hi there," she softly greeted, "what's your name?"
Marco innately curved his lower lip inward and moved closer to his mother, tucking his head slightly beneath her chin but was still able to look at the woman who'd spoken to him. He eyed her up and down, using his free hand to hold onto the arm of his mom with. "Me Marco," he quietly mumbled, moving his eyes up onto the spikey red-hair that stood up from Mrs. Reznikov's scalp. "Fire," he pointed a tiny finger in direction of her hair, a faint smile forming from his lips. "You hair is fire. I like fire, fire makes fire truck go beep beep real loud."
A warm chuckle escaped from Red's throat at the little boy's innocent comment. Instinctively she lifted a hand up to her head and ran it through her thick red hair. That wasn't the first time a child had taken an interest in her hair. The shade of red it was influenced the attention of others rather instantly, especially children and students at the school. "I do have a unique red color of hair, huh? I am glad you approve of my fire hair, Marco. What a sweet little fellow you are."
Tuning into the conversation between her son and the Russian lady beside her, Franny forced a smile to her face despite not feeling in the slightest of mood to. A hand she tousled through Marco's deep brown curls. "He's still tryna work on talking better at preschool with his teacher," she informed the older woman, grateful for the temporary distraction from all that currently was going on. "I'm his mom, Franny. Who are you?" Eyes peered her over intently, she hadn't really been paying attention to the commotion since hearing the results of the blood test just fifteen minutes earlier.
"I'm Red," the Russian woman responded, reaching a hand out to shake Franny's with. When the other obliged and repeated her motions, she gave a sad smile to her with a quick shake of hands. "I'm here with Nicky for Lorna, she told me what was happening. I work at their school; I'm the nurse there. You're Lorna's older sister, yes?"
A lump had been swallowed down. Franny nodded, shifting her legs so that the opposite one crossed over the other. Both of her arms wrapped around the tiny frame of son, hugging him closer to her body. She was grateful that he was too young to really have a grasp on what was going on around them right now; his innocence was too precious to have ruined so soon, she thought. "That's correct," the words came out in a rather subdued tone.
Infuriation began seeping through each vein that ran through her body. Her eyes shut out of the hopes that it would somehow lessen the infuriating sensation which coursed through her. It did nothing of the sort. She sighed boisterously, biting down on her tongue so that none of the anger escaped her. Not with a toddler in her presence or the fact that they were in a public hospital. A place that needed to remain calm and quiet so that patients could heal. Patients, she mentally repeated, patients like her fucking father. The anger intensified with the revelation. Her father didn't deserve to heal in a calm, quiet, environment. Not one bit, she determined with gritted teeth.
Red observed her the entire time and easily noticed the building madness. It formed a pressure in her chest. She swallowed uneasily, and turned a bit in her seat so she could properly focus on Franny. A hand innately reached over to place comfortingly over the brunette's. "You seem really tense. Would you like to talk about what's going on? I can lend an ear. Sometimes it's good to just vent, you know?"
The gesture was kind enough to ease some of the boiling rage in Franny. She took the moment to let in a slow, deep, breath of air and then exhaled. Her eyes deterred down to her son, she swallowed, and gave a nod. "Sure, I think that's a real good idea. Lemme just get Marco situated with a juice and CD player real quick," Franny told her before setting Marco on the vacant chair on the other side of hers and rummaged through her purse for the items she'd just mentioned.
Once Marco's ears were covered with the headphones connected to her CD player, Franny returned her focus on the older woman sitting to the left of her. One hand naturally reached up to massage around a temple, a nervous habit that she appeared to do a lot of lately. She swallowed a bout of air and looked back at Red. Eyebrows arched over her eyes. "I'm sure ya heard about our dad, yeah?" She watched as the other nodded her acknowledgement. Franny nodded back and felt a sigh burst through her windpipe. "Well, thanks to him Lorna's stuck with a foster family and he had the damn nerves to basically demand for me and her to get our blood tested to see if either of us are candidates to donate a part of our liver to him."
Anger started up once more. Franny sucked in her lower lip much like her son had done moments ago. She shook her head out of spite. Spite towards her father. A father who, now, certainly hadn't deserved the title father. After the pain and suffering he caused their whole family, most specifically Lorna, Mr. Morello might as well have been a dead-beat father at that point. Because, clearly, a real father wouldn't find it okay to put his hands on his children. Not at all. And that same father would never hound his daughters for their organs. Teeth grinded together the more her mind spun with thoughts.
"That's what Nicky was telling me, about the whole blood test thing," Red bobbed her head up and down in congruency with what came from her mouth.
The anger she noted coming from Franny was matched with what she felt bubbling beneath the surface of her own skin. And with good reason, too, she believed. It wasn't right for their father to be asking either girl for a part of their bodies, even more so after what he'd done to them. If anything, Mr. Morello should be begging for the forgiveness of his two daughters. She shook her head at her ponderous mind. "Did the results come back? They must have because Lorna seems to be troubled over something," her voice softly pointed out, eyes momentarily shifting onto the younger brunette who now was slightly more together than when she and Nicky first arrived.
Franny silently grumbled at such a query. Still rather disturbed by the results that were given to them by the same doctor who'd been waiting on their father, hand and foot, for the past week. "That's exactly why Lorn's upset. I tell ya that girl ain't got no luck," Franny muttered distastefully, head shaking, eyes peering where her sister sat. "She's a perfect match, the doctor said. A perfect fucking match. But I'll be damned if that ass of a doctor even thinks about convincing Lorna to take part in any transplant surgery bullshit. Lorna would cave too easily and I'm not having it. I just fucking wish our brotha was here. He always has a way of getting Lorna to see the truth in things. And he sure as hell wouldn't let our dad have any of her liver, either."
Curving an intrigued eyebrow, Red peered thoughtfully at the brunette. There was another Morello sibling? She placed a thumb on the bottom of her chin, trying to recall if Lorna had ever mentioned the brother before. "I had no clue you two had a brother. Where's he at? How come he isn't here with you? Oh, god, he's not—"
"He's not dead. Mikey's in the military," Franny was quick to chime in and ease away whatever thought must have gone through Red's mind at that time. A sigh escaped her, however, at not knowing how or if he'd hear about what was happening with their father. There was no way that she knew of to contact Mikey; he had to find out about this somehow, she thought. It was their dad for crying out loud. Mikey needed to know and be there with them.
Nodding, Red crossed a leg over the other and shifted in her seat to get more comfortable. "Oh, no wonder he's not here then. What branch is he in? My ex husband was in the navy many years ago, in Russia actually. That's where we met."
Franny pursed a small smile. Her shoulders recoiled, however, not familiar with the terminology. She didn't know shit about the military and what branches it did or didn't have. All she knew was that her brother enlisted in it the second he got out of high school. A decision she still wasn't sure she was fond over. "Um, I think the army. I don't really know. He joined right after he graduated. And I don't know how to get in contact with him about all this shit," she frantically acclaimed, throwing her hands up in exasperation.
"The only one who knows how to get in touch with him is our fuckin' dad. And I have a feeling he ain't gonna reach out because he would never want Mikey to know all the damn abuse he's caused." The comment was added once Franny took in several breaths of air. Though none calmed her frantic mind. She grinded down on her teeth, unsure of how to move forward. How to make things better again for her sister.
"Therapy," Lorna mumbled, eyes peering into the mug of coffee that was cradled in her hands. "I have therapy on Wednesday. Therapy," the words repeated through a muttered voice. Time had long gone by since she'd been sitting in the cold, sterile, waiting room of the hospital. Since her life took yet another spiraling turn. "Therapy. Therapy on Wednesday," she nodded her head and finally brought the shaky mug up to her lips for a sip. Therapy was only a day away. Maybe the appointment would help her figure things out with the liver transplant and her father.
Stood over along the counter of the kitchen, by the coffee pot, Nicky and Red watched the young teen with identical miens of concern upon their faces. Upon their arrival back home a mere half hour ago—Franny believing it was in Lorna's best interest to spend the night there with them after the events of the evening—Lorna had sat mumbling to herself at the kitchen table with the coffee cup shaking ever-so-lightly in her hands.
The two gradually turned their heads so that they were gazing into each other's eyes and Nicky sighed. Seeing Lorna like that wasn't something she was fond of. It appeared to her that she was in some sort of trance or rather a psychosis? She squinted her eyes and placed a hand on Red's shoulder, pulling slightly on it. "What do we do, ma? She doesn't look too good. And she's acting strange…like she's broken or something," she whispered to keep Lorna from being able to hear.
Red narrowed her eyes slightly at her daughter. The last comment could have been kept in her head, she thought, or at least worded differently. However, she refrained from delving into it over a thing so miniscule. Not when she, too, was worried for the young girl occupying her kitchen table. She wrapped a loving arm around Nicky's shoulder, giving it a tender squeeze and inhaled a sharp breath of air. In all honesty, she wasn't entirely sure what there was for them to do to help Lorna. The behavior she was displaying wasn't anything either of them had ever witnessed before.
She ran a hand softly through Nicky's thick curls and felt a sigh push through. "I think we should just let Lorna have some time to think. She's probably feeling overwhelmed right now with everything that's happening. We don't want to bombard her or make her feel suffocated by constantly pestering her. We'll just give her an hour or so to herself. She will be okay, honey."
Chapter Text
Chapter Fifty-Seven
An hour passed. Two hours, three. Before long it was dark outside, only lit up by the moon and stars. And yet, Lorna still sat at that kitchen table. Still cradled that cup in her hands. A cup that was now empty of its contents. Nicky looked at the clock and realized it was nearing eleven. School was tomorrow, she'd have to find a way to get Lorna to finally move from her spot. She slicked back her hair and gradually made her way back towards the kitchen. Eyes softening the second they landed on the brunette. A sigh erupted from her mouth.
"Come to bed with me, kid. It's late," her voice huskily called out as she carefully approached the brunette teen.
Lorna didn't move an inch, hardly even paid her any mind. A quiet breath of air burst through. Nicky cautiously walked closer until she was nearly touching her shoulder from the close proximity between the pair of them now. She framed her hands around the flesh of Lorna's cheeks and gradually turned her so that they were facing each other. Lips formed into a frown when she looked into the smaller girl's eyes and saw the tears staining the skin beneath them. She brought her thumb over to soothingly caress the area.
Slowly coming from her daze, Lorna twisted her head sufficiently to return the gaze. Eyebrows curved upwards as she stared into the deeply concerned eyes of her girlfriend. After a few seconds, she shifted her stare onto the mug retained in her hand and quickly observed that it was empty. A disheartened chuckle came out as she placed the cup onto the table's surface. "I musta drank all my coffee, Nicky, the cup's empty," she commented, shrugging her shoulders simultaneously.
Her eyes returned focus onto the girl who hovered beside her and an innate hand was brought up to cup around one of her cheeks. "I have therapy on Wednesday. In two days, well, one if ya don't count the rest of today," Lorna informed the other as if she hadn't been repeating that statement for the last few hours for all to hear.
Despite having heard those words come out of her repetitively since they had come home from the hospital hours prior, Nicky chose not to bring any of that up. Rather, she engulfed Lorna in a secure embrace and pressed a warm kiss to her head. "I know, babe, and I think it'll be good for ya to go. Maybe she can help figure out what to do with what's going on right now, yeah?" She used a hand to lovingly push a loose strand of hair from the brunette's eyes.
"You mean the whole thing with my dad? I don't know how my therapist can help with that, hon. I gotta give my dad a part of my liver or he'll die. What's there to figure out?" Lorna held out her hands for emphasis.
Nicky swallowed thickly, trying her hardest to retain the anger from escaping. It wasn't Lorna's fault she felt enthralled with anger every time she heard the mentions of that demented father of hers. No, the only one at fault was Mr. Morello. She tightened her arms around Lorna's waist, pulling her closer in the process, and affectionately smothered her head in kisses. "You don't have to give him anything, doll. Please don't make any decisions until after the appointment on Wednesday, yeah? I think Doctor Washington would have some helpful words for you on this," her voice gently pleaded, fingers raking through thick brown hair.
Nodding slightly, Lorna squinted her eyes as she focused on the pattern of Nicky's t-shirt. She traced along it with the tip of her thumb and concurrently inched herself closer. "She likes to be called Poussey, her name. Said the whole doctor thing makes her feel old," the statement nonchalantly spoken, head spontaneously bobbing with each word.
Stroking her lips warmly onto the pale flesh of Lorna's cheeks. Eyebrows scrunched up curiously over her big brown eyes. "Poussey, huh? Is that French or something? Never heard that name before."
"It is French, she told me. Her dad was in the military like my brotha and I guess when she was born they were in France so he gave her a French name. Isn't that real sweet, hon? She's lucky to have such a nice dad," her voice trailed off at the end, saddened that her own was so hateful towards she and her siblings. It had been so long with him the way he was now that Lorna couldn't hardly remember what he was like before. What it was like to have a normal father. A father that took care of his children and enjoyed having them around. That was all foreign to her now.
The frown which remained on Nicky's face widened a slight amount. Without any trouble she was able to clearly observe the pain that took up shape on the face of her lover. She sighed, cupping her hands affectionately around its flesh. Her heart shattered for the hurt her Lorna was left to experience. Fingers stroked softly up and down the length of her cheeks and jawline. "Yeah, that's sweet kid," she huskily agreed, moving closer and resting their foreheads against each other.
Lips brushed feathery onto the tip of Lorna's nose. Using the tops of her knuckles, Nicky caressed them soothingly up and down the skin of her cheek. "I'm sorry, doll, I know it sucks having a piece of shit parent. You deserve so much better than the shit your dad put you through. And what you're dealing with now is so, so, unfair. I wish there was something more I could do for ya, kid. Ya don't deserve to have to suffer through any of what ya are and have been." Eyes melded lovingly into Lorna's eyes. She shook her head somewhat while a sigh was released from her lungs.
"No, hon, what's real unfair is that my dad can have his life saved with my liver but my mom didn't fucking get the same chance. I'da gave my mom every last part a my body if it meant she'd be here now. That's not fucking fair, Nicky. Mom had a sickness but my dad—he, he did this to himself. Why does he get to be the one to have a chance to live? Why? I want my mom back; I wanna trade my dad for her." Desperation oozed heavily from her voice as she spoke. Tears that had previously formed now fell freely from brown eyes down along her cheeks.
Without saying another word, Nicky lovingly took hold of Lorna's hand and led her away from the kitchen and in leu of her bedroom. Where they could snuggle up in her bed and Lorna could cry comfortably in her arms rather than standing in the cold kitchen. It wasn't long before the pair of them were doing exactly that—Nicky gently laid Lorna down first then got in beside her, scooping her into a secure embrace. Hands combed repeatedly through thick strands of brown hair. Lips naturally glided against the flesh of a soft forehead.
Out of instinct Lorna found herself nuzzling her face into the crook of the older girl's neck. Not stopping the tears that slid along the skin of her face. She wrapped her own arms around the upper part of Nicky's body close to where her head was resting. An involuntary sob forced its way from her throat, something she hadn't been expecting to occur. It was as if her body suddenly had a mind of its own. She swallowed uneasily and closed her eyes for a few seconds. Anger towards her father had long morphed into sorrow. The tears poured out of her in what seemed like truckloads. Like an incessant waterfall.
Nicky loathed seeing the girl she loved hurting so intensely. It formed a sharp tightness in her chest to witness. Arms tightened around her waist and she pulled her even closer. She stroked a soft peck on the top of her head, gently swaying back and forth as she held her. Her chin retained its usual position on the top of Lorna's head so she could keep it safely tucked away from the cruel reality. At least for the rest of the night, she sighed.
"I know, babe, I know none of what's going on is fair. Not at all," breath trickled onto the flesh of Lorna's ear her mouth was resting beside. The palm of her hand pressed gently into the flesh of Lorna's cheek, stroking softly up the length of it. "I wish I knew the answers to your questions, kid, I really do. Because it's not right that your scum of a father, who drank himself into liver failure, gets the possibility of having a new one while someone who suffered through a terrible illness like cancer didn't. Obviously your mom deserved that second chance not your dad. And I'm so sorry there's nothing that can be done to change that," she whispered while gently curling a strand of brown hair behind the ear her lips spoke over.
Drank himself into liver failure, Lorna scrunched her nose as the statement repeated itself in her mind. He drank himself sick because he had two delinquent daughters to look after while also caring for his dying wife. Words she recalled him saying to her on more than one occasion. She swallowed a lump. It was her fault he drank. She wasn't a good enough daughter; she should have taken care of the house better or helped more with Mrs. Morello. Maybe if she'd done any of that her father wouldn't be on the brink of death and it on her hands right now. Maybe he would have never abused her and Franny if she had been a more attentive daughter. She was the cause of her own life spiraling the way it had recently, she mentally acknowledged.
Eyes squeezed shut and her hands grabbed fistfuls of Nicky's cotton t-shirt. The only two things that had the ability to steady her in that moment. Breathing became a slight chore; she felt as if an elephant or two were sitting on her chest. Mouth opened and shut several times but it didn't feel like a sufficient amount of air was going in. The fists of her hands around her girlfriend's shirt tightened, longing for the gesture to somehow ease her breathing once more. To no avail.
Instantly, Nicky took note of Lorna's struggle and sat up with her in her lap. She patted her back a little rougher than normal but in a way that wasn't to cause pain. The other hand she used to cradle Lorna's chin in. Their eyes melded together once the brunette reopened her own and cautiously Nicky leaned closer to press a soothing kiss on the corner of Lorna's mouth. "Take a breath, doll. It's okay. You're okay," the words hummed warmly out of her as she nuzzled their noses gently together.
The back of her hand rubbed slowly up and down the pale skin of her cheek. "Ya might just be having a little panic attack. But you'll be okay, baby. I've got ya," Nicky tenderly assured, rocking the both of them in a gentle side-to-side motion. She kept up with the patting of her back until she noticed Lorna's breathing gradually steady into a normal rhythm yet again. Though the patting motion ceased, Nicky retained her hand on her spine to make sure she knew she was there with her.
"Ya feel better now, babe?" Eyes peered softly down into Lorna's, silently reassuring her that everything would soon work out. Despite not knowing if that were entirely true or not.
"I, uh, I—I have therapy on Wednesday. Therapy on Wednesday, Nicky," Lorna said as if it were some chant of comfort. It was the only thing she could easily respond with in the moment because she didn't have to ponder over the words she was reciting. Reciting. Maybe she was reciting some mental script. A mental script that her inner self was feeding to her brain.
Cradling her head protectively against her softly-beating chest, the redhead nodded while giving a tender kiss atop her head. An innate breath huffed out of her throat as she retained the soothing rocking motion. She was thankful for Lorna's upcoming therapy session that week; it was blatant to her just how much the poor girl needed it. Her fingers brushed over and over through thick strands of brown hair, hoping to bring some sort of easement to her.
Therapy wouldn't make the decision any less of a challenge. Wouldn't take any of the heaviness from her heart or ease the knot in her gut. Lorna recognized all of that. Yet, she felt a sense of calm knowing her appointment was in less than two days. Maybe it was just the fact that she would be allowed to speak freely about everything without the backlash of her father or maybe it was because her therapist would offer her that familiar cup of peppermint tea. No matter which it was, she truly looked forward to attending the session for the first time since she'd started going.
Eyes shifted gradually up onto the older girl who lie beneath her and she moved her head to rest on the side of her shoulder which made it so that her cheek was merely touching the lower portion of Nicky's. "My therapy," she whispered softly, bringing a hand to cradle around the bottom of the other girl's chin. "Will ya come with me to it on Wednesday, hon?"
Despite having been asked the same question over the weekend, Nicky nodded her head rather sharply and naturally allowed the part of her cheek that was resting near Lorna's to press gently against its flesh. There wasn't anywhere else she'd prefer to be on that day than with her girlfriend sitting by her side at the therapy appointment, her mindful thoughts concluded. "Course' doll, of course I'll come with ya. I wanna be here for you, especially at therapy with you so I can learn how to help you. I love you with all my heart, Lorna. There's nothing I want more than to help ya through all this shit, yeah?"
Using her thumb, Nicky delicately moved a sparse piece of brown hair from her girlfriend's eyes and placed her lips warmly over the flesh where it had once been, kissing it softly. "You'll always have me," the words murmured breathily against the flesh her mouth hovered atop. They were said with all the love she had for the girl in her arms, were meant with each cell that made up her body. She'd never disappear from Lorna's life—couldn't even if she wanted to. Lorna had her heart.
"Oh," hummed out of the brunette's throat as her body instinctively wormed closer to Nicky's. The heartfelt comments which spilled out from the precious mouth of her lover were sufficient to have another round of tears come pouring down Lorna's near translucent cheeks. Encouraged her fingers to caress lovingly along the skin of Nicky's chin her hand framed beneath. "My Nicky," she whispered, moving her fingers up to her cheeks and then to her forehead, brushing around where they touched every which way.
"I just—you, you're—I love you more. I love you so much more, my Nicky. I wish there was more I could do to show ya my appreciation for all ya do for me, hon. You're not just my girlfriend, but you're the truest—most kindest—best friend I've ever had and I-I don't know what I'd ever do without ya," Lorna remarked, her voice inflected vastly with only the utmost warmth and affection for the person she was addressing.
The faint breakage in Lorna's voice near the end of what was spoken hadn't gone past Nicky's ears. Her eyes never once faltered their intensely soft gaze from Lorna's. The stare was so intense that her eyes simply melded into those of her girlfriend's. With such close proximity between them, it didn't take long for their foreheads to naturally rest in their usual spot against each other's. Nicky's lips pressed onto the corner of Lorna's mouth while a hand cupped warmly around her face.
She took in every thing she could on Lorna's face. Took in the emotions, the feelings, the expressions. A breath inhaled and then exhaled from her. "You don't ever have to worry about finding out what that's like, doll, because I will not ever leave ya," Nicky sternly, yet lovingly, assured the younger teen as she left a delicate trail of kisses all along her cheeks.
"You," she said in between kisses, "are," another peck was placed, "stuck," and another peck, "with me," one, two, and three subsequent pecks pressed onto Lorna's cheek, "forever."
Eyes widened slightly from the numerous kisses being placed all over her cheek. Angelically, soft, kisses. Kisses that made Lorna's heart nearly turn into a puddle of mush. When had she done anything to deserve someone so precious? Someone like her Nicky. Her Nicky who only ever showed her what factual love and kindness were. Who only treated her with the gentlest of hands, the gentlest of affection. She swallowed a random lump that had seemingly sat in her throat. She wouldn't say anything aloud about not believing this was real, but in her mind she acknowledged this unconditional love that Nicky had for her would never be something she was worthy of. There wasn't anything she could ever do to be worthy of Nicky and her love, she knew that. And she felt so terrible for not having the capability of making Nicky feel as loved and special as she had done for her. She would never be good enough for the angelic redhead beside her. Never. But she vowed to do whatever she could to show Nicky the same love and kindness right back.
It was nearing two in the morning when all three in the house were jolted out of their slumbers from the boisterous sound of persistent knocking on the front door. Red was first to make it through the barely lit hallway and into the living room, shortly followed by Nicky and Lorna before she had gotten a decent grip on the door's handle. The teens both stood behind Red as she pulled on the door to open it just enough that she was able to peer out at the culprit who stood on the other side of it.
When Red's blue eyes were finally able to clearly focus, she was shocked to realize the person on the other side of her front door to be a police officer. She didn't open the door any wider, unsure of why there happened to be a cop standing in front of her. Neither Nicky or Lorna had done anything other than retreat to the bedroom, she knew. What reason was there for an officer to be visiting her house at this late hour? Eyebrows arched nervously over her eyes, trying to figure it all out.
"Can I help you? It's the middle of the night, is there a reason you're banging on my door at this hour?" Red questioned animatedly, not too fond of being woken up in the middle of the night by someone beating on her front damn door. The tone of her voice probably could have been less edgy, she realized, but she didn't dawdle on that for very long.
The officer cleared her throat louder than was necessary. An expression on her face that wordlessly informed the three others she wasn't particularly thrilled with the attitude seeping from Red's voice. She gestured her hands toward the rather thin opening between the door and its frame, "Would you mind letting me in first? It is the middle of the night and I don't think your neighbors would appreciate being woken by us talking out here."
Such audacity of the request had Mrs. Reznikov's eyes widening and eyebrows furrowing. She swallowed down the irritation and reluctantly opened the door all the way so the police officer could enter through. Once she had, Red closed the door once more and motioned for her to follow behind into the kitchen. Since it was apparent that the woman wasn't leaving any time soon, Red went to start a kettle of tea. The only thing that would keep her from falling asleep.
As the kettle heated up, Red turned back to the officer who'd been eyeing the room in a suspicious manner. Arms crossed over her chest. She shifted her gaze and found the teen girls had taken occupancy at the table, clearly intrigued by the presence of the officer as well. Eyes returned onto that very person seconds later. "What's the reason for this? I haven't done anything against the law and neither have my girls," she said, pointing between herself and the two at the table.
"Is there a Lorna Morello in your house tonight?" The woman inquired, returning Mrs. Reznikov's hard glance with one of her own. She hadn't taken lightly to people who questioned her authority the way the middle aged woman seemed to be with that attitude of hers. Her eyes averted over to the two young girls who occupied the circular table clear on the other side of the kitchen. One of them must have been her, she deemed.
Instinctively, upon hearing her name come from the officer's mouth, Lorna crouched down in her chair. The knot that had previously sat in the pit of her stomach effortlessly intensified now. She swallowed thickly, focusing her stare on her feet below. They kicked nervously at the floor. Either the officer was there to inform her Mr. Morello was dead or it had to be because of her foster family; those were the only two possible reasons Lorna could think of as to why the police would possibly be after her.
Red watched Lorna with concerned eyes. And, naturally, her protective maternal nature strengthened. The arms that were already folded over her chest remained in such position, tightening a tad. She fixed her gaze back on the cop in front of her, looking her over uneasily. "Why? Did you really just come to my house at this hour to ask me if my daughter's girlfriend is here? I don't understand," the frustration wasn't able to be kept in any longer, it inflected through her voice rather heavily.
"I'm gonna need you to take that attitude of yours down several notches, ma'am." A hand was held up to emphasize her point.
Yet again, Red stood shocked at this woman's nerve to speak to her with such an arrogancy about her. The tea kettle beeped, which interjected her before she could respond—something she was grateful for because she had the urge to say some choice words that easily would have had her hauled to jail, she knew.
After she'd gotten herself a mug of tea, she returned to stand a few feet away from the officer. Her teeth gritted together to keep her from saying anything stupid. "Well, can ya just explain why you're here looking for Lorna?" She took a sip of tea and added an exaggerated, "Please," as if it would soften her words.
The blonde-haired woman gave a curt nod despite the sense of hindrance this Russian lady was giving her. To ease the throbbing between her temples, she reached a hand up to rub at them. "Since you said please I guess I can do that," she coolly answered, looking down at the notepad in her hands briefly. "Lorna Morello is missing from her foster family's house, they called in an hour ago. And the chip shows she is at your house, Miss—"
"Mrs. Reznikov," Red sharply corrected. The hell was this officer on about? Chip? Chip for what? The queries ran through her mind as she brought her tea up for a second sip.
Ignoring the sharpness in her voice, the officer only nodded and shifted her eyes back onto the girls at the table. An eyebrow arched up inquisitively. "Which one of you is Lorna?"
A gulp was made in Lorna's mouth. She bit down on her bottom lip and momentarily fixed her eyes on the wall straight in front of her. Mind trying to piece together what chip this cop was referring to. The hell did that even mean? She squinted as if that would make things any easier to comprehend. Not surprisingly, it did nothing of the sort. Her brained remained confused over the disclosure.
Nervously, she gradually moved her head in the direction of the blonde officer and looked her over in a timid manner. "What chip? What's that mean, chip?"
Protective instincts taking over, Nicky wrapped an arm securely around Lorna's shoulder which naturally caused her to be pulled closer. Her mouth was kept shut but her eyes peered the unfamiliar woman up and down quite deliberately. She tightened her arm around her girlfriend and allowed her own head to rest overtop of the other's. Confusion etched on her face matching that of Lorna's to a T. Had Lorna been chipped or something? The mental query had her eyebrows twitching. That sounded majorly fucked up in her mind.
"You must be Lorna, is that correct?" When a shaky nod was received, the officer let out a breath and recoiled her shoulders. "Yeah, Mrs. Chapman informed me she put some kind of tracking chip in your shoes and that's how we were able to find exactly where you were at." She chewed a couple of times on the piece of gum in her mouth before going on further. "Kind of creepy if you ask me but to each their own."
Lorna sucked on her lower lip and said nothing. Too upset and hurt to even find the proper words to speak. Betrayed might have been a better descriptor for what she felt at that particular moment. Betrayed that her foster family would do something to her shoes—her property—without even asking her. Without ever bringing it up to her. She bit down on her tongue, shaking her head distastefully. Celeste had been right about Carol, she thought—Carol was the snob bitch. Emphasis on bitch, Lorna bitterly determined.
Red matched Lorna's head shake with one of her own between sips of tea. She stood with her hand on her hip, slightly leaning against the kitchen counter. Moving her eyes off the brunette, she focused on the blonde once more and grunted out a breath. "I'd say that's pretty damn creepy of Mrs. Chapman to do something like that," the comment came through grinding teeth. After setting her mug on the countertop behind her, she used that hand to slick back her tousled sleep hair. "Well, now that we got that all sorted, I think it's about time you left. My girls and I have to be up for school in two hours, after all. No sense in making Lorna leave at this late hour."
Anxious to get out of there and exasperated with having to deal with Mrs. Reznikov's attitude, the woman nodded agreeably. Even though, out of spite for Red's constant snippiness she had the longing to do the opposite, she chose to refrain that and started slowly heading towards the archway which led back to the living room where the front door was. "I'll let the Chapmans know their foster daughter is safe and sound. But," her eyes shifted sternly onto the brunette, "next time tell your damn guardians' where you are so this doesn't repeat itself."
School was a dreaded occurrence the next morning, which, was only three hours later from the police officer incident. Lorna held on tighter to the blankets when her face felt the brightness of the room light soaking into her skin. She grumbled at the sensation. A headache had formed between the temples of her forehead and all she yearned to do was hide her face in the pillow beneath her head and go back to sleep. Negativity suddenly loomed over her and everything felt meaningless to her. She couldn't find the point in getting up, the point in going to school just to be bullied by Annalisa or the point in breathing another day on this fucked up planet. This fucked up planet that took her mom away from her and left her with an abusive father. An abusive father who's life would be determined by her decision. Another reason which encouraged her staying in bed was the best option. If she remained asleep, she wouldn't have to think about any of that shit.
However her desire to stay where she was had soon been halted by the gentle patting of her head. She refused to move and the patting continued. Lips were soon felt at the edge of her ear, yet, she remained in her current position. Her face pressed into the pillow below, wishing it would whisk her away to a more pleasant place. A place where there was no more suffering to go through. Where she'd reunite with her mother and everything would normalize once more. She pressed harder onto the pillow. An automatic, subconscious, movement. She felt tempted to push harder, to let the cotton of the case covering it to suck in all the air around her. Suffocate her of life. But she refrained.
Nicky situated herself on the edge of the bed, having noticed her girlfriend hadn't gotten up yet, and tried to lovingly entice her out of her slumber. One of her hands rubbed slowly up and down her back while she placed her mouth softly above Lorna's ear, "It's time to get up, kid. Usually it's you having to wake me, yeah?" A warm chuckle followed. Lorna was quite a natural morning person, Nicky came to realize the more sleepovers they had, so to see her resisting getting out of bed now came as a surprise to her.
She had expected to hear a laugh or giggle to come from the brunette but observed that her light-hearted comment only had her burrowing deeper into the pillow and comforter. A frown quickly molded onto Nicky's face. She felt a heap of air expel through her lungs and threw her arms securely around Lorna's back, trying to pull her up. "Come on, doll, we gotta get up and ready for school. I know school sucks, I don't wanna go either but Red'll have our hides if we skip."
"Red has a cup of coffee waiting for you," Nicky murmured warmly into the ear her mouth still hovered above. "And she has a nice breakfast spread on the table. Come on, let's get you ready. So we can have time to enjoy a coffee, yeah? Maybe if we talk to ma we can get her to maybe let us skip our first class. We could go to the coffee shop and have a fancy one."
Despite Nicky's efforts to entice Lorna up and out of the bed, none of it worked. Lorna only grumbled out a groan and grabbed the comforter to pull over her head so that Nicky couldn't see her. She wanted to disappear. To cease to exist. Feelings that were foreign to her but now were all too consuming. It made her wish today was Wednesday and not Tuesday. She didn't know if she'd make it to Wednesday anymore. Wednesday was so far away. So unbelievably far away. Lorna couldn't survive until then. Not with all the feelings and thoughts eating at her brain. Even coffee hadn't the ability to bring her out of this haze. And coffee was one of the few things that brought her genuine happiness. She swallowed hard to realize her beloved beverage wasn't enough. Maybe this was the end of her, she thought. The true demise of Lorna Morello.
A throbbing ache gradually strengthened through Nicky's chest. She didn't like seeing her Lorna in this way. There was something blatantly wrong. Something serious, she noted. Lorna wasn't herself. Grant it, she certainly seen Lorna not herself countless other times but something about this one didn't seem the same. It left a bad taste in her mouth. An eerie sense in her path. She didn't know what to do or how to respond to her girlfriend's worrying behavior.
All Nicky could think of was to curl up on the bed beside her and worm her way under the covers so she could pull Lorna into her arms. And once she had her in them, she turned her around in order to peer her straight in the eyes. "What's wrong?" She pressed her forehead over Lorna's and swallowed a lump at the dark circles highlighting the flesh under her eyelids. Those circles hadn't changed since the last time she'd seen her. The fact only intensified her worry.
"I'll tell you what's wrong," she said before Lorna had the chance to even open her mouth. Nicky placed a thumb on one of the darkened circles and stroked its flesh softly. "You're not taking care of yourself, babe. That's what's wrong. These circles under your eyes are so dark they're nearly black. What's going on? Tell me. Lorna, I'm worried about you. Really worried, doll. You gotta talk to me. I need you to. Something's not right. Something hasn't been right since we met. What is it?"
Something wasn't right, Lorna mentally agreed. Something wasn't right at all. Tears formed at the brim of her eyes and despite her efforts at holding them in, they broke free and ran down along her cheeks. Cheeks so pale from her own poor nutrition that they were merely transparent. Something hadn't been right for a very long time. And that something, she acknowledged, that something was her. She wasn't right. A hard swallow. She wasn't right.
"Something isn't right," Lorna repeated, her voice quiet and merely robotic. "That something is me, hon. I am not right."
Chapter Text
Chapter Fifty-Eight
Nicky strained her ears, wondering if she had heard her correctly. No, she thought, no way she heard Lorna correctly. Because what she heard was that Lorna said she wasn't right and that certainly hadn't been true. Not even close. Arms pulled the smaller teen closer, letting her chest press softly against Lorna's face. The only place she sensed brought the brunette any comfort. Any form of safety and security. Nicky bit down on the side of her mouth and felt a pang form over her heart. It hurt to hear the girl she loved talking so poorly of herself. Berating and degrading herself in such a vile manner.
Hands combed repetitively through the thick strands of brown hair that cascaded from Lorna's scalp. A few silent moments of the soothing motion were taken as Nicky mentally formulated how to respond to her lover's broken words. It was clear to her just how fiercely the young brunette was struggling. Which influenced her to cuddle her closer. Gave her the burning desire to cuddle away all of the darkness, the pain, the agony. She sighed, knowing that was all only wishful thinking.
"Lorna," soothingly murmured from Nicky's mouth, which rested on the flesh of one of Lorna's cheeks. With her thumb laying on her forehead, Nicky softly rubbed it along the width of it. A frown took up space on her face. Eyes melding very softly, compassionately, into the brown ones of her girlfriend's. "Don't talk like that about yourself," she pleadingly whispered, moving her mouth slowly over to the corner of Lorna's and pecking comfortingly on the spot they now rested on. "I wasn't talking about you, babe, when I said something isn't right. I wasn't implying anything either, but something is going on and I need to know what is."
Their conversation was rapidly interjected by the sound of the door creaking open only seconds after Nicky had spoken. Both of their eyes darted over and found Red standing in the doorway, arms crossed across her chest with a firm, though concerned, mien articulated on her face. "Girls, you need to get up now. If you want to have time for coffee, you have to get out of bed now. Let's go."
Closing her eyes out of exasperation, Nicky bit down on her tongue to keep it from displaying out. She knew Red was only being the responsible mother figure the pair of them needed, however, the fact that she was possibly about to have a break through with Lorna such an interruption came as an infuriation to Nicky.
When she reopened them, only seconds after the fact, she peered across the room at her surrogate mother and lifted a hand motioning at the girl in her arms while shaking her head as if to give a nonverbal signal. "We'll have to skip the coffee, ma. Lorna's, erm, not feeling good. I'm trying to get her calmed down some. Do ya think we could be a little late to school today? Please? Lorna is really having a rough morning and I want to calm her before we go."
The Russian woman peered them over methodically. Eyebrows scrunched up worriedly atop her blue eyes. She removed her arms from her chest and instead placed a hand on either side of her hips. "Lorna's not feeling well?" The statement her daughter made was repeated by her in the form of a question. She gradually made her way over to the pair and placed a hand, palm-faced up, overtop of Lorna's forehead. "What's the matter, sweetheart? You don't feel feverish. Are you physically unwell or is it mental?"
Is it mental? The latter part echoed through Nicky's mind. She gave a look to her mother, silently patronizing her for the poor choice of wording she had settled on. Her grasp on Lorna tightened, one hand cradled around the back of her head while the other around her cheek.
It hadn't slipped past Lorna either the latter part of Red's question. In fact it played over and over through her head since the words had come from the school nurses' mouth. Sure, part of her had realized Red hadn't meant it in a degrading way. But as usual the part of her that had such an incessant sense of self-hatred pushed her to believe that it was meant in a belittling manner. She grinded her teeth into the flesh of her tongue before slightly twisting her head so she could look at Red.
"Ya think I'm mental?"
It was a stupid thing to let slide from her mouth. Of course Lorna was mental. What kind of normal person went to see a psychologist? Or got upset and frustrated over the most mundane things. Mental people did. People like Lorna. She dug her teeth deeper into her tongue's flesh, not giving a shit when she felt blood mix in with her saliva.
Nicky easily picked up on Lorna's growing agitation and rapidly pulled her back down to rest on her chest. She placed her chin over the top of her head, rocking them soothingly from side to side. Eyes averted up to Red, interested to see her reaction. Hoping whatever it was it would bring a sense of calm over the distraught girl in her arms.
Cautiously lowering herself so that she was sitting on the edge of the mattress, Mrs. Reznikov looked sadly down at Lorna and used one of her hands to frame against her cheek. An alarmingly pale cheek her eyes noted without much effort. "I think no such thing, Lorna," accent thickened as she firmly assured the young teen. She let her fingers run along the flesh they rested on, eyes staring her over in a deep, motherly, concern.
"You do look really pale," Red commented observantly. "Have you had anything to eat recently? I can see you have some major bags under your eyes, honey, that's a sign of malnutrition." She kept her voice soft, knowing the topic was rather sensitive and probably a highly uncomfortable one for Lorna.
Relief came over Nicky to know she wasn't the only person to observe such a sight. However, her mother's comment molded a knot into the pit of her stomach. Had those circles been caused by Lorna not eating? Eyebrows curved unnervingly over her eyes as her mind pondered further. Sure, she knew Lorna had to be not eating enough. But—but was it so bad that she was malnourished? Nicky swallowed heavily. Once again tightening her arms around the brunette's waist. And as she did so, she could easily feel how tiny it had become. Maybe Lorna was actually malnourished. The thought alone brought a shiver down her spine.
"I ate yogurt and fruit for breakfast yesterday. I'm fine," Lorna bitterly remarked. She tried to get up but Nicky's hold on her was too strong and, deep down, too comforting for her to escape from.
"Honey, that was one meal and that's not a lot. What else did you have yesterday?"
The never ending questions wore on Lorna's already frantic mind. Tears that been previously sitting at the brim of her eyes now came streaming along the flesh of her cheeks. She lifted a hand to violently wipe them away. Eyes shifted angrily onto the woman who dare try to question her and her food choices. Who was she—the food police? "What is this? Twenty fucking questions?"
Even Lorna was surprised at the bitterness of her tone. Guilt quickly bubbled within her. She hated herself for being so snippy with Red. Red was only trying to help, she knew. But for someone to come so close to her bubble. Oh did that perturb her. She refused to allow for anyone to have the fucking chance to snatch it from her. Over her dead body. And, at the rate she was going, that might certainly end up being the case.
Nicky nuzzled her chin warmly against the top of Lorna's head. How upset and angry she was getting only made her believe that it was possible Lorna might have been so malnourished that she couldn't control her emotions anymore. It broke her heart in such a tremendous way to come to a conclusion like that one. She didn't want it to be true. Her Lorna was too precious to do something so detrimental to herself.
Despite Lorna's anger at her, Mrs. Reznikov didn't back down and kept her hand framed on one of her cheeks. If her suspicions were correct, this anger wasn't truly at her but at the fact that someone was trying to pry at her addictive behavior. Having that knowledge in the back of her head, Red took no offense to Lorna's words or actions. Instead, she only looked at her with a deep sense of compassion oozing from her blue eyes. "What else did you have to eat yesterday, sweetheart?" She repeated her earlier question but this time in a softer, gentler, tone of voice.
"I don't know, I don't know. Why does it even matter? Why do ya even care?"
The tears hadn't gone without notice. Red used her fingers to delicately wipe them away and gently took Lorna from her daughter's arms into her own. Embracing her soothingly against herself; letting both of her hands brush softly through thick brown waves. The faint convulsion of Lorna's body tugged intensely at Red's heart. This poor child needed a maternal figure in her life again, she mentally determined. "Shh, shh," she hushed softly when she heard a muffled sob come from the young teen's throat.
Once she was able to get Lorna calmed down sufficiently, Red took her head in her hands and peered attentively into her eyes. "It matters that you eat because if you don't, you'll end up harming yourself. It's not good to starve yourself, Lorna. I care because you're my Nicky's love and you're one of my girls. I want you to be happy and healthy, honey, just like I want for Nicky."
The maternal affection was long craved for by Lorna ever since the loss of her mother. And though now she was being given exactly that kind of affection by Red, she felt highly undeserving of it. Not just from the undying self-hatred eating at her on a daily basis but also because of the disturbing behavior she'd seconds earlier displayed. She felt disgusted with herself over it. The nerve she had to be so rude to the two people who were only wanting to help her. She shook her head and tried to pull away from Red's embrace.
"Shh, shh," the middle-aged woman hushed once more when she noticed Lorna's trying to move away. And it was clear to Red that the motive was only out of wanting to escape the reality of what was going on. The conclusion only tightened her hold on the young girl. The young girl who needed, quite desperately, to face whatever it was that she had been avoiding for however long it'd been.
"You're going to meet with Mrs. Mendoza today and you need to explain to her what's going on. She can get you the resources you need to heal from this, Lorna. But I'm telling you that this—whatever it is—cannot keep going on. There's something clearly wrong; how the hell has your foster family not noticed anything? How can they look at you and not take you to a damn doctor?"
The gradual anger inflecting through her surrogate mother's voice hadn't been ignored by Nicky's ears, who nodded her head in agreement with every last word that came from her mouth. She couldn't blame the anger Red spoke with because she, too, felt that same anger over the whole debacle that wasn't seeming to come to an end any time soon. If she and Red were able to easily observe the sickly aura coming from Lorna's appearance, how the hell couldn't the people—who'd seen her every day—not apprehend it? Or if they had seen it, how could they not do anything about it? Nicky's mind ran wild with infuriating queries that burned her with the desire to shake the stupid out of the Chapman parents. They had to be stupid to not see it, she deemed through gritted teeth.
The lump in the back of Lorna's throat doubled in size. It made her rather uncomfortable that the two of them were so adamant on trying to decipher her secret. Her secret that comforted her for the past several years. Her secret which she wasn't about to let go of so easily. "I don't need anything. I don't know what you're talkin' about, Red. I'm fine. I just got busy yesterday and food was the last thing on my mind. It's not like I'm starving myself on purpose. It was one day," Lorna pointed out, frustration ringing through her voice.
Looking her over closely, it didn't take much for Red to confirm that the brunette's words were nothing more than a lie—or a cover up, at the very least. The thinning frame of her body contradicted her statement quite easily. A sigh escaped Red at the observation. Investigating further right now was undoubtedly not the best idea, she soon came to understand as it would only cause more distress to Lorna. Who already appeared on edge and she certainly didn't want to add to that.
"Hmm, well, I'm still going to let Mrs. Mendoza to expect to see you today and if you don't show up, I'll make sure she knows to call you down. It wouldn't hurt to sit and talk with her, regardless, Lorna." Red made the comment quickly, and once she released her hold on the brunette, she clasped her hands together before a response could be given.
"Now, let's all go to the kitchen to start the day right with a well-balanced breakfast. We all need to make sure we're looking after ourselves properly," she stated in a matter-of-fact tone, turning and walking back to the door that led out to the hallway. Stopping outside, Red stood sideways and peered over the teens as a way to make sure they knew they were expected to follow.
Red hovered over the two girls as they sat at the kitchen table just ten minutes later. Though she stood behind them both, her eyes were intently on the younger of the two watching closely to make sure she actually consumed the food in front of her. She kept her watchful eyes discreet by holding her coffee mug to her lips despite not having taken a sip yet. It took some time before she observed Lorna's hand—with a faint tremor—reach for a halved slice of toast from a plate in the middle of the table. Another minute went by until her eyes finally saw the toast slice being brought to Lorna's mouth for a first bite. She felt her lungs push out a breath of air. It was heartrending to see someone she cared about struggling rather profoundly just to eat a tiny portion of breakfast.
A sip of coffee was taken once Red felt satisfied with the bite of food Lorna had taken and she went to sit down in the only vacant chair on the other side of her daughter. She still kept an eye on the brunette to make sure she consumed a sufficient amount of food but decided it was safe for her to sit and prepare her own plate. "Nothing is better to start a long day of school than a hearty breakfast, my girls. You wanna keep your mind opened for learning? Then you have to fuel it with the proper energy," Red informed the two while spreading a spoonful of fruit preserves on the slice of toast she'd picked up.
Lips gradually curved into an appreciative smile on Nicky's face, who'd had an arm snaked protectively around her girlfriend's waist while they were seated at the table. Thank god for Red, she thought. Red always knew how to smooth things over with Lorna. And in a subtle way that Nicky still had yet to learn the ways of. She lifted her own mug from the table's surface and brought it to her lips for a much-needed sip. Aside from waking up to her girlfriend by her side, there wasn't anything that made her morning better than her first sip of coffee. Her tired, non-morning person, brain craved the caffeine it provided her with. And, unlike heroin, caffeine wouldn't one day kill her. Which made it a win-win situation.
"Do you like the toast, Lorna? I just bought the loaf at the market the other day, it's a new type of bread I thought I'd try." The Russian matron queried with a curved brow, her head turned slightly so that her eyes peered right into Lorna's.
Eyes focused on the slice resting upon the palm of her hand. It was a medium brown color of bread which informed Lorna the bread was more than likely a wheat or whole grain loaf. A safer loaf of bread than white, she deemed. Such a conclusion made her feel at ease to rip a piece off with her pointer and index fingers. She nodded her acknowledgement to Red and then chucked the miniscule chunk of bread into her mouth. The texture was a tad bit grittier than other loaves but wasn't bothersome to Lorna's tongue or teeth.
"It's real good, Red. Thanks," her voice mumbled lowly after she swallowed the piece she'd been chewing on for several seconds. She tried to ignore the rising guilt. Wished the guilt wasn't there. It didn't make sense to her why she suddenly felt guilty over eating normal every day food items such as toast or yogurt or, more recently, even fruit. For the most part, those foods were healthy—good for the body. Yet, Lorna found herself fearing them. Fearing what the calories from those foods would do to her body. The weight that would be added. The fat, flabby skin that would only increase on her arms, thighs, and gut.
Despite the compliment that slid from her mouth, Mrs. Reznikov effortlessly noticed the apprehension lurking behind her brown eyes. To see the struggle Lorna was having, whether it was on the outside or not, was enough to form a knot in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't comprehend the misery it would be to have such a poor relationship with something as simple as food. An item that was needed on a daily basis to fuel the mind and body. Her head shook faintly at the thought. No one, she thought, should have to suffer with a hatred towards food.
Grabbing her books from her lockers, later after Red had driven the three of them to the school, Lorna felt her feet shift periodically out of uneasiness at the sensation of her breakfast sitting stagnant in her stomach. The urge to make a trip to the bathroom was intense. She couldn't stand the feeling of food just resting in the pit of her gut like it was now. Her eyes shifted onto Nicky, once she'd reclosed the door of her locker, and bit down on her lower lip to see Nicky staring right back at her with those big soft eyes of hers.
Having Lorna returning her gaze gave Nicky the chance to look her over in a highly precise manner. The unnerving appearance that displayed upon her face secured a pang in Nicky's chest. On autopilot, she reached a gentle hand across to frame around one of Lorna's cheeks and brushed her thumb soothingly around the area underneath. The dark circles she paid extra attention to, slowly moving her thumb towards one to caress around its flesh in a warm and tender manner. Being in school wasn't reason enough to stop her from showing affection to the petite brunette in front of her. Not when the worry she had for her had been as overbearing as it was the past morning.
Lorna chewed down on the corner of her mouth when she felt the soothing touch of her girlfriend's hand against her cheek. Nicky surely knew how to make it hard for her to walk the other way. An ability that she was probably consciously unaware of, Lorna supposed. In all reality, it was probably a positive thing for Nicky's innate ability to have shown its rear now—a possible sign meant to encourage Lorna not to give into those behaviors she so desperately craved to take part in. She felt her eyes, without any effort on her part, squeeze shut and a large breath of air released from her lungs. Shoulders slumped slightly and when the lids of her eyes opened back up, the pupils fixed down on the speckled tiled floor where her feet rested atop of.
"I'm gonna run to the bathroom real quick before the bell rings, hon," the comment naturally fell out of her mouth, mind not having to have spent too long thinking it up.
Despite it being an innocent comment in nature, Nicky found hearing it left a rather bitter taste in her mouth. Face slightly scrunched as she retained her gaze on the girl, who wasn't able to move away just yet since Nicky still had a soft grasp on her cheek. And realizing she did, she didn't let go right away. Rather, she peered into her eyes with a firmness trickling from her own.
"Yeah? I'll come with ya, kid," she stated, moving her hand off her cheek and instead taking one of Lorna's hands in her own as she led the way to one of the restrooms. It wasn't long until they entered through the door of the one right down the hall from their lockers they'd just been standing at. Nicky reluctantly released the hand she held and looked her over. "That coffee went straight to my bladder—yours too, huh? Guess it's all the caffeine."
The younger girl gave a small nod, albeit the reasoning behind her bathroom visit being to purge the contents of her stomach. Which, now, was something she wasn't sure how to go about doing having Nicky in the room with her. She brought a hand up to her forehead and pushed back her thick brown waves. A frustrated, but quiet, sigh erupted through her esophagus. She wondered if on a subconscious level Nicky knew the true explanation for her decision to come to the bathroom. It wouldn't entirely surprise her if she had; Nicky, she swore, appeared to have some superhuman capabilities the more she learned about her.
Lorna averted her eyes away from the redhead and looked between the four stalls, hoping Nicky would go into one first. That would render her choice easier to make if she complied. However, neither one of them budged and Lorna vastly became more and more antsy the longer which time passed by. She turned her head to stare at Nicky, and not more than a second later Nicky was staring right back at her.
"Are ya gonna pick a stall, hon?" Lorna quirked an inquisitive eyebrow, trying to keep the impatience from coming out. It was as if Nicky was deliberately planning to catch her in the act, she uneasily concluded.
Placing a soft hand on her shoulder, Nicky massaged her fingertips gently into the outline of the bone. Eyes returned the gaze with a sharp intensity seemingly coming through them. An eerie aura filled the room, though she did her best to not pay any mind to it. She kept her focus on the brunette standing across from her. "You pick one first, kid. I gotta check something in my bag real quick."
After slowly taking her hand from her girlfriend's shoulder, Nicky walked to the counter where the sinks were and set her handbag on the surface to pretend to rummage through. However, her eyes looked up from the handbag and watched through the mirror the stall that Lorna chose to enter inside of. When the sound of the lock latching onto the door caught her ear's attention, Nicky found herself nodding and pulling the strap of her satchel back on her shoulder.
She turned back to the stalls and chose to go in the one right beside where Lorna had entered only seconds ago. Whatever Lorna might have been planning to do in here at least Nicky was within the vicinity to hear if something wasn't right. Ever since the morning catastrophe—and even last night's little episode—Nicky's worry for Lorna had tripled in strength. She knew there was a problem bigger than what was being let on and she needed to get to the bottom of it. Not just for her own sake but for Lorna's. Because it was getting clearer to her, every second, how bad off Lorna appeared to be. How sickly and pale she looked. The fragility of her physical and mental state were highly alarming to Nicky. She knew the girl couldn't go on like this much longer. Sooner or later she was bound to break and Nicky was determined to be right there with her when it happened.
Lorna swallowed a lump that had sat at the back of her throat, standing over the toilet as she contemplated what to do. If she dared to purge, she'd risk Nicky's hearing it and questioning her. Which would definitely lead to Nicky's finding out about her little secret. That wasn't something Lorna particularly needed nor wanted at this point in time. However, the sensation of the toast and bowl of yogurt sloshing every which way in her stomach also wasn't a sensation she wanted to deal with. She squeezed her eyes shut, as if that would help her decide on what to do. Of course it didn't do anything of benefit to her other than confirm that she was a complete mess right now.
The sound of a nearby stall door squealing open took her attention momentarily away from her thoughts. She assumed that meant Nicky had entered inside one of the empty ones and if she took enough time stalling, Nicky would eventually leave and Lorna would be left to purge all her heart desired. So Lorna stood there for what seemed like hours but was really only a few minutes before she heard the stumbling of toilet paper coming from the roll and a hand pushing down on the handle to flush the commode.
It was a relieving sound because Lorna presumed that meant Nicky was nearly ready to exit the stall, however, nothing of the sort happened. Rather, the room went silent once more and neither girl moved from their respective stalls. A shaky breath of air puffed out of her. Frustration gradually seeped into her and she was at a loss for what her next move would be. Clearly, Nicky had some sort of inkling which was why she followed her to the bathroom and why she wasn't leaving the stall like Lorna had desperately wanted her to do.
A hand was brought up to her temple, Lorna used it to rub vigorously at the flesh of it. They couldn't both remain in those stalls forever, she unnervingly realized. Another irritated sigh pushed its way through. Nicky just had to be the most attentive girlfriend and come in here with her to ruin her purging ritual, Lorna deemed as she dug her teeth into the surface of her tongue. She wasn't angry with Nicky for any of that, Nicky couldn't help that she had such a unique—and natural—capability. No, Lorna was mad at herself. Mad at herself for not covering up the signs any better. For letting the signs be so visible that not only Nicky was able to blatantly pick up on them but now even Red seemed to do so.
Instinctively, and out of desperation to rid the eerie silence, Lorna lifted a shoe covered foot and placed it on the lever, pushing down on it until the water in the toilet bowl swirled around and around before it disappeared down the pipe. She could hear Nicky's breathing from the stall beside hers and placed a hand on either side of her head. That did nothing to help the situation, her mind rationalized.
"Erm, Nicky, I might be a while. You can go to class, I don't wanna make ya late or nothin'," she said, finally breaking the quiet with a string of words her brain formulated.
The statement didn't budge Nicky's body any. She stayed right in her spot, sitting atop of the wiring of the toilet with her knees slightly lifted up to right below her chin. Being late to class wasn't a problem for her whether it was to remain with Lorna or not—she never was one to give much of a shit for her classes, anyway. She bounced her shoulders in a shrug and reached into her satchel for a half-full pack of cigarettes.
Her other hand was utilized to hold the lighter and light the butt of it. "I don't care about being late to class, kid. This gives me time to have a cigarette, so I'll wait. Besides, ma was very adamant on you going to the counselor's office and I'm gonna make sure ya do as soon as you're done in here." She made sure to add the last part in there, knowing if she hadn't Lorna would more than likely purposefully forget to go and she wasn't about to allow that to happen. Not when it was clear to her how much Lorna needed all the counseling and therapy offered to her.
Lorna grumbled out a breath and slicked back her hair with a harsh hand. Since it was firmly decided Nicky wasn't going anywhere, Lorna reluctantly made the choice to retreat herself from the stall she was in. She wasn't about to risk having the older girl learn of her purging behavior; that was for certain. She didn't need another thing taken from her if she could help it.
As she hovered over the sink, eyes peering dishearteningly at the reflection of herself in the mirror above, a whiff of smoke hit her ear. That quickly clued her in to what Nicky was doing in the damn stall. She crinkled her nose slightly at the scent; it shouldn't have surprised her since the redhead had already mentioned she was having a cigarette but still the very expression etched itself onto Lorna's face.
How could Nicky sit there with a lung-killer in her hands while in the same breath giving Lorna grief over not taking care of herself properly? Wasn't that exactly what Nicky was doing by smoking? The questions whirled through Lorna's mind the longer she stood peering into the reflective glass of the mirror in front of her. The more she let herself ponder over the queries and other thoughts running a muck the more she realized how alike she and Nicky were. Both used unhealthy coping mechanisms to get them through whatever tragedy life threw their way. She swallowed thickly at that; it was one thing for her to suffer but another for her sweet Nicky.
Chapter 60
Notes:
Thank you so much to anyone who is still reading this story of mine, I can't say enough how much I appreciate it. Also, I'm really sorry for this chapter. I know it's just Lorna's guidance counseling session and I wasn't expecting for it to last an entire chapter length but I am way too wordy for my own good. Please forgive me. Right now I have this story set to be completed at around eighty-three chapters...now I'm thinking it may go beyond that. I'm sorry.
Chapter Text
Chapter Fifty-Nine
The late bell rang at the same time Lorna had resistively followed behind Nicky into Mrs. Mendoza's office. A queasiness had molded within the pit of her stomach at the knowledge that she was missing her science class to meet with the school counselor. She couldn't begin to imagine what repercussions she'd be facing not only with Mrs. Bell but even more so—and most importantly—with Annalisa. Air escaped her lungs in a slightly noisier fashion than she would have liked as she plopped herself down in a plastic chair across from the wooden desk. Her eyes shifted onto Nicky, who looked back at her with a warm smile before she turned towards the door and carefully exited out of it.
Once the door clicked shut for a second time—now leaving Lorna alone with the counselor—the only sound in the room was gentle clacking of keys on the keyboard and very soft, subtle, breathing coming from the middle-aged woman who sat behind the computer on the other side of the desk. It brought a soothing bout of tingles through the sides of Lorna's head to listen to. She sighed, twisting her head to peer out the stained glass window that she came to appreciate rather heavily the more time spent in there.
Mrs. Mendoza finished writing out an email and after clicking the send button, she pivoted her chair so that she was now facing the student who'd entered inside her office. A soft smile was formed on her face to see it was Lorna. She took a liking to the girl after the first couple of meetings with her—an innocent energy surrounded her that without any effort brought out her motherly nature.
However, once her reading glasses were pushed to the bridge of her nose, a closer look showed Gloria that something about Lorna's aura seemed off today. The expression etched on her face appeared more melancholic than what she was used to seeing. Grant it, she knew living with a foster family wasn't the happiest of things to go through but Mrs. Mendoza got the impression this went deeper than just that. She inhaled a breath and reached for her cup of coffee.
"It's been a little while since I've checked in with ya, Lorna," she said between sips of coffee. Eyes peering her over attentively. "How have you been doing? Are ya adjusting well to the foster family you're staying with?"
Nervously slicking back her hair, Lorna shifted her legs out of habit. It didn't really calm her down any but at least it busied her enough that her mind was too occupied to be bombarded with unwanted thoughts. Her eyes naturally fell onto the traveler's cup cradled in the Hispanic woman's hands and she swiftly craved a coffee of her own. Coffee would give her hands something to do, she noted, so she wouldn't feel so damn awkward.
Brown eyes averted back onto the counselor, who's smile hadn't faltered but also hadn't caused an irritation to form like the smile of Mrs. Chapman always had the capability of doing. "I've been chipped. The Chapmans' chipped me," Lorna shrieked, returning her focus longingly onto that cup in her counselor's hand. She swallowed a good bit of air and tried to snap herself out of her coffee desiring daze. But if she kept her gaze and every last ounce of her attention on the coffee, she wouldn't have to think about the chipping incident or the morning incident with Red and Nicky or the fucking liver incident.
Eyebrows furrowing intriguingly, Mrs. Mendoza crossed a leg over her lap and resituated her cup on the coaster it had previously been sitting atop. That was not something she'd expected to hear today. And as the school counselor for merely twelve years, she'd heard some crazy stories throughout but a student being chipped? That was a new one. "Chipped? Huh, what do you mean?"
"I don't know," Lorna threw up her hands in an exasperated manner. She still hadn't fully wrapped her mind around what the officer had informed them of the night before—or rather earlier that morning. "A cop was banging on Red's front door in the middle a the night," shoulders simultaneously shrugged, "and she was sayin' the Chapmans were lookin' for me. The mother put a chip in my shoe to track me down. That's what the cop told me she said."
By the end of Lorna's revelation, Gloria's eyes were nearly as wide as the window at the end of her room. Many questions ran through her mind after hearing what was told to her. The top being how the hell did they even get this tracking chip made in such a short span of time? Her head shook distastefully and she focused her stare back on the brunette, observing her closely. The expression on her face hadn't changed much, maybe a little muter than it once had been.
She sighed. "Your foster family put a tracking device in your shoe?" A nod was given to her query and another sigh puffed its way from her larynx. She brought a hand up to one of her temples, rubbing at it carefully. The sensation didn't make comprehending the disclosure any easier but it did ease away the slight tension that had formed. "That sounds really invasive of them. I don't think they had the right to do that. How are you getting along with them, Lorna?"
An easement gradually came over her to hear that Mrs. Mendoza was seemingly on her side with the whole ordeal. It gave her a small comfort to acknowledge such. Despite that, though, it didn't make the hurt or betrayal towards her foster family disappear any. With a sigh, she moved her shoulder out slightly and tilted her head until it was merely touching the top of it. Eyes no longer looked at the counselor but behind her at the pictures that collaged around the wall. They appeared out of focus so the pictures were blurred and not picked up by her pinpoint pupils.
"I make Mrs. Chapman mad a lot, I think. I'm not real shocked she would do something like that to me. I think she thinks I'm a bad person or somethin'," Lorna timidly admitted, shifting her eyes downward while tracing a finger anxiously around the cotton of her pants.
The words she spoke weren't an exaggeration, she affirmed; early on she was able to pick up on Mrs. Chapman's contempt towards her. It wasn't hard not to, she made it clear through her actions and how she talked to her. The way she articulated things showed how much she didn't want Lorna around. Of course, she sucked her lower lip inward, she couldn't blame Carol for not wanting her around—she wasn't good for anyone. That was exactly why she was in the predicament she was now to begin with. Everything circled right back to that very fact that she was no good to any of the people in her life.
"Here," Mrs. Mendoza reached over to place a box of tissues in Lorna's hands.
That was the only thing which made her realize she was crying. It must have been a silent cry because Lorna didn't notice the tears coming from her eyes until she was handed that tissue box by Gloria. She pulled one out from the hole and brought it up to dab at her cheeks. After, her stare returned onto the counselor and her teeth melded into the flesh of her tongue. "I'm sorry," she muttered, shameful of the tears that were, thankfully, long gone now. "I, uh, I didn't even know I was cryin'."
Tilting her head a small amount, Mrs. Mendoza furrowed a brow while pushing her glasses back up to get a clearer view of the teenager across from her. Her head naturally shook when she came to the acknowledgement that Lorna felt the need to apologize for crying. In fact, the gesture formed a rather noticeable pang in her chest.
"Honey, you don't ever have to be sorry for crying," her voice soft, though firmly assured Lorna. She reached a hand up to the top of her head and pushed the long strands of hair that fell over her eyes to the side. Eyes remained on the brunette the entire time, trying to decipher what she was feeling or thinking. Clearly, from the tears and solemn energy, something was amiss with her. Plus, the email she had received from Mrs. Reznikov the second she'd gotten in her office earlier confirmed that fact.
"Let's back up here a little, shall we?"
Lorna shook her head and rolled her neck around her shoulder, longing to get out of there. Not just the office but the entire school. She didn't want to be there today. Didn't even want to be fucking awake today, either. But both Red and Nicky ruined that for her. She felt tears lining her eyelids once more and that fueled her anger further.
Mrs. Mendoza didn't miss the building anger or fresh tears which threatened to spill from her eyes. Both sights caused the pang in her chest to double in size. Compassion melded onto her face, motherly instincts grew stronger. The urge to cradle and rock the disheveled young teen was intense but she refrained herself. Instead busied her hands with rummaging through her desk drawers for some teabags. She grabbed them out and placed them on the surface of her desk.
Eyes shifted back onto Lorna, who sat miserably in her chair, and a big breath of air expelled through her mouth. "What flavor tea do you want? I have raspberry lemon, lemon ginger, or apple cinnamon."
Lorna kicked her feet back and forth along the tiled floor beneath her. Eyes briefly looked at Mrs. Mendoza but quickly returned down onto her lap. She lifted a hand up to her forehead and rubbed at it violently. So violently that the tips of her nails left indents on the skin. But she didn't care. The anger was too much for her to give a shit about what stupid marks her own nails left. Tears continued to pile up beneath the lids of her eyes and she still refused to let them escape.
"Can I, can I have coffee, please?" She tried to keep the anger from showing through her voice. Mrs. Mendoza wasn't who the anger was directed at. But it was overwhelmingly consuming that she could barely keep control over it. Her bottom lip gradually began to tremble and despite her desperate attempts, the tears finally let loose and came falling down her cheeks like an incessant waterfall.
"Sweetheart coffee isn't the best choice right now for you," Gloria softly pointed out, seeing the multitude of emotions coming from the young girl's face and demeanor. Coffee was the absolute last thing Lorna needed right now, she mentally deemed. "You need something calming and coffee is the opposite of calming. Not with all that caffeine. It'll just make ya anxious. And by the looks of it, you're already anxious and upset. Tell me what's upsetting you right now."
A thick wad of saliva was angrily swallowed by Lorna. Nails dug deeper, sharper, into her forehead's flesh. She needed something—anything—to fucking take the goddamned unrelenting anger the hell away. Sitting only worsened it. She harshly forced herself out of the chair and started ragefully pacing the room. Tears streamed down her cheeks, blurring her vision. All she wanted was to fucking go home and pass the hell out in her bed. Suffocate the life out of her with that damned pillow. She didn't want to deal with this anymore. The foster family, the grief of her mother, the situation with her dad—all of it was way too much for her to handle. She could hardly breathe from how mind consuming everything was. And not having been able to purge that morning made the feelings, the emotions, that much more intense. This was exactly why she took the time to make herself sick every morning. Why she starved herself. So she didn't have to feel. So she could be numb. She craved the numbness.
That was all it took for Mrs. Mendoza to not be able to sit back and watch any longer. She jolted up from her seat and cautiously made her way over to the highly distressed brunette teen. Eyes gazed intensely down into the younger one's eyes. She opened her arms while calling out to her, "You could use a hug, couldn't you?"
There was a longing in Lorna's eyes that wordlessly told Gloria yes but she remained frozen in her spot, tears falling nonstop and hands tremoring along her sides. "Come here, Lorna. Come here; it's okay, you're allowed to be comforted," she softly reassured her, hoping to encourage her to come over and accept the embrace that it was obvious she needed.
The gentle command was enticing. Very enticing. Lorna craved comfort, craved the warmth and security a hug would provide her with. Yet, she couldn't find the will within herself to abide by the command. The self-loathing part of her wouldn't allow her to give in. Wouldn't allow her to admit that she needed to be comforted or cared for by anyone outside of her own self. Or that she had even been worthy of such gestures. A thickness was swallowed down, she bowed her head towards the ground and mentally counted each tiny spec which made up the tiles.
Still not a movement or a word from the teen Mrs. Mendoza easily noted. She observed her closely, walking nearer to her in a heavily cautious manner. The way the girl's head was bent downwards clued her in that shame was a possible feeling being currently experienced by her. She swallowed thickly, unsure how to help her. A breath of air was taken slowly in through her mouth, she inched herself a smidge closer and delicately placed a hand on the top of Lorna's shoulder.
"What are you feeling right now? What's running through your mind?" The inquiries were gently, carefully, asked through a softened voice. A voice that the counselor hoped wasn't going to push the teen even further away from the reality of the situation.
Lorna closed and opened her eyes several times without uttering a word. There wasn't a word she could think of to utter, anyway, right then. Her mind was boggled down by a plethora of thoughts which made formulating an answer to Mrs. Mendoza's questions merely impossible. There were numerous emotions that overpowered her as she stood there, frozen as if the soles of her feet were glued to the floorboards. She couldn't possibly name exactly what she felt at that specific point in time. Too much was going on inside her head to make such a determination.
"I, uh, I, erm," words stammered from faintly tremoring lips. She swallowed, opened her mouth again but nothing came out other than a squeal of a breath. Eyes peered frantically from Mrs. Mendoza over to the window at the back of the room. Frazzled. She felt frazzled. So frazzled that she couldn't speak or move. She couldn't even figure out what she wanted or needed at that time.
"You what? It's okay. Tell me what it is you need, sweetheart," Gloria softly encouraged, using the hand she still grasped onto Lorna's shoulder with to gently pat it. It constricted the blood flow in her chest somewhat to acknowledge how much the poor girl appeared to be struggling right now. Her motherly instincts were through the roof the longer she watched the other's tragic behavior.
Lips felt dry from the saltiness of tears which had long fallen over them. Lorna tried to moisten them with the slight movement of sucking both shaky lips inward but it hardly made a difference. She timidly returned her stare onto the short-haired Hispanic woman in front of her. Eyes searched her face thoroughly, easily noting the genuine concern melded to it. The sight caused a tightness to form in her throat. She loathed being the culprit of other people's worrying. It ignited her with an intense amount of guilt. She wasn't worth the concern, the worry that they had for her. She truly wasn't.
Overwhelmed from the guilt now seemingly consuming her, Lorna averted her eyes away and onto the lonesome traveler coffee cup that sat on a coaster next to Mrs. Mendoza's computer. Coffee might not be the smartest thing to ingest while already having her heart pounding in her chest and her anxiety through the roof but that surely didn't cease Lorna's craving for it. It would, at the bare minimum, give her a distraction. And distractions were always welcomed in Lorna's world. Distractions were also probably the reason why she was in the situation she was now. Maybe if she didn't choose to constantly push her feelings and emotions away, she wouldn't be dealing with as much as she was presently.
"Coffee," her voice slightly muffled from the sleeve of her shirt resting over her mouth. "Do ya, do ya have coffee in here? My mouth is real dry and raw, I need coffee please."
Gloria brought a hand up to her temple and rubbed it momentarily. She still believed coffee wasn't something Lorna should be having right now with how her emotions already appeared to be all over the place. But she wasn't about to start an argument over the matter seeing as it hadn't technically been her place to refuse the girl a coffee. A sigh escaped her and her hand released itself from the shoulder it once rested on. She made her way over to her desk, bending down to retrieve the small coffee pot from the shelf underneath the surface and placed it atop next to an electrical outlet for easy access.
After scooping fresh ground coffee into the filter and using her water pitcher to fill the pot to the three cup line, Mrs. Mendoza poured the water into the machine, set the vessel back underneath the filter, and clicked the switch on for it to brew. While it did so, she twisted around to focus her line of sight back on Lorna who still had yet to move from the spot she stood. "Why don't you come sit back down? The coffee's brewing," she stated, pointing her finger at the bubbling pot for emphasis.
Once she watched the brunette teen comply with her request, she went to retrieve one of the coffee mugs from a cabinet she kept a couple of her ones from home in. "Do you take cream and sugar in your coffee? I have a couple a those little plastic flavored creams in a basket over here if ya wanna take a look," her hand gestured over to the very object sitting on the far right of her desk.
Lorna swallowed the saliva at the bottom of her tongue and shifted her eyes onto where the counselor's hand was pointing. Nerves formed a knot in the pit of her stomach; she felt rather apprehensive at the word sugar. Sugar wasn't something she chose to put in her coffee or tea, not unless it was her favored zero-calorie sweetener. Her stare gradually returned onto Mrs. Mendoza, lower lip sucking into her top one. "Erm, uh, do ya—do ya got Splenda?"
Quirking both eyebrows, Gloria peered her over thoughtfully. Splenda? Since when did teenagers pay any mind to the different types of sweeteners? Mind swirled with questions. An uneasiness settled into her now. The coffee machine brewed the last drop of brown liquid into the pot and Gloria quickly moved to grab it from underneath. She poured it into the mug she'd previously placed on the surface of her desk and then rummaged through a drawer for a couple of spare packets of sweetener being requested.
"Splenda, huh? What makes ya ask for that?" She inquired while handing the cup to Lorna and then the two yellow packets. Her hands now empty reached for the basket of flavored creamers and brought it closer so that the teen could easily pick out which one she wanted.
Recoiling her shoulders, Lorna placed the mug on the small table to the right of her chair before opening the packets and pouring both of them into the dark liquid. A couple of vanilla creamers were grasped into Lorna's hands and brought over to empty into her mug. Once she had it mixed and ready for drinking, she allowed her focus to return onto Gloria.
With the mug cradled in the palm of her hand and hovering mere inches from her lips, she popped one of her shoulders forward while resting the side of her face against it. "It's, uh, it tastes better than real sugar. And, ya know, it ain't got no calories so that means it's good for ya. I'm tryna be healthy is all," she nonchalantly recited while finally covering her lips over the rim of the cup and sipping the warm, heavily-desired, liquid.
The uneasiness residing within Gloria only intensified further after hearing that. Something about the way Lorna said it rubbed her the wrong way. Made her ponder on whether there was more going on with her than she was letting on. A hand was brought up to rest on the side of her face as her eyes retained their gaze straight ahead. "Care to elaborate further on what ya mean by trying to be healthy, Lorna?" Eyebrows slightly waggled over brown eyes that held a fair amount of concern in them.
Lorna took another sip of coffee, letting her mind absorb the query before she responded. Her nose scrunched up as she tried to decipher what the counselor was getting at. "I don't really know what ya mean, Mrs. Mendoza. I just wanna be healthy is all. Eat right and exercise and all that."
Rubbing an eyelash out of her eye, Mrs. Mendoza inhaled a deep breath and folded her arms over her chest. Peering the young girl across from her with a sternness oozing from her light brown eyes. Sure, she wasn't against anyone wanting to take part in healthy habits such as consuming nutritious foods or being physically active—however, the way Lorna was explaining her strive for health didn't give her the best of vibes. It felt, to her, that there was some darker meaning to it all.
"What kind of food do ya like to eat?" Gloria asked nearly on autopilot. Though, after the fact, she hadn't regretted the question. Having been observing Lorna since their first meeting a couple of months back, she could tell the child was gradually getting smaller and smaller right before her eyes. In a way that didn't seem quite as healthy as Lorna would like her to believe, either.
Being asked such a question—a question to any normal person would be considered normal—fueled a constrictive sensation in Lorna's throat. She opened and closed her mouth a couple of times followed by several hard swallows. None of which did anything to ease the discomfort that now loomed quite profoundly over her. Her thumb was used to twist around a random strand of her thick brown hair. "Erm, does uh does coffee count? Because I love coffee. I mean love, love coffee," she stated, continuing to nervously twirl around the same piece of hair.
It wasn't until a clump of hair fell into her hands that Lorna concluded her love of coffee might not be so beneficial to her as she thought. Her eyes peered down at the hair resting on her hand in her lap and a thick wad of saliva was gulped down her throat.
The falling of hair did not go without notice by the eyes of her school counselor, who had to cover her mouth with a hand to stifle the gasping breath that innately came up.
Lorna felt her eyes on her and fidgeted uneasily in her seat. She placed the hand with the fallen hair beneath her leg which rested under her other one and turned her head to focus her stare out through the stained glass window.
Mrs. Mendoza swallowed and shook her head dishearteningly at both Lorna's answer and the hair incident she'd just witnessed. Both of which confirmed her suspicion that something more was going on than the young brunette was letting on. Something that Gloria felt might have been beyond her level of expertise as a high school guidance counselor. Clearing her throat, she brought herself out of her thoughts and put her attention on Lorna once more. "Coffee is a beverage, sweetheart, not a food. Don't ya have any foods you enjoy?"
With the anxiety and unease as intense as it was, Lorna naturally lifted a hand to her forehead and slicked back her hair. One of the habits she picked up from her sister who also seemed to do that when she felt uncomfortable in a particular situation. She moved her tongue around the inside of her closed mouth trying to absorb the surrounding moisture since there still sat a scratchy sensation among it.
The hair clump was squeezed in her hand which remained under her leg. Eyes hadn't budged from the window. She didn't even realize the frown molded on her face until she caught an unexpected reflection of herself from a rather bright beam of sunlight pouring inside. Her brain couldn't process the question. All it did was tighten a knot in her gut. She felt like an alien for getting rather perturbed over a very simple query. A very simple query that other students—or people in general—would have the ability to respond to without even thinking it over. Yet, here she sat unable to come up with anything that didn't give away her fear of merely every food group.
"Lorna, come on, there's gotta be something you like."
The interjection was enough to take Lorna out of her active mind and recenter herself with the here and now. She deterred her eyes from the stained glass and slowly moved them back onto Mrs. Mendoza. A thoughtful, perceptive, stare was given to the older woman. "What do ya like to eat?"
She shouldn't have been surprised by the way in which Lorna turned the question around onto her. Maybe she wasn't completely but she had been taken slightly aback by it. The glasses on her face had slidden down and Gloria was bothered from the feeling of the metal scraping along the skin of the tip of her nose. They were swiftly pushed up by the tip of her thumb. Now, with clearer vision from the lenses properly covering her eyes, she stared the young girl over meticulously.
"I eat a lotta different things; I cook and love experimenting," Gloria couldn't resist the smile that subsequently formed upon her face. Cooking was a hobby she had cherished since her early childhood days when she'd help around the kitchen with her abuela on her family's summer trips to their home in Puerto Rico. Food happened to a big thing for the entire family; she couldn't even fathom what it would ever be like to have an abhor towards it.
A slow nod was given. Eyebrows arched rather interestedly over curious brown eyes. Lorna took her mug off of the table it sat atop and brought it forth to her mouth, sipping it in a savoring manner. "What kinda food do ya cook, Mrs. Mendoza? My mom cooked a lot too when me and Franny and Mikey were younger."
The fact that Lorna had brought up her mother tugged slightly at Gloria's heart now being aware of what actually happened to her. She took in a breath and swallowed down her emotions, knowing it wasn't her place to be feeling any which way over a matter that hadn't concerned her in the first place. Instead, she allowed a smile to settle back onto her face and tilted her head while going on to speak, "Well, my family and I are Puerto Rican so most a the meals I make are those types of dishes. But I think my favorite thing to cook are empanadillas, they take a little bit of time to prepare but it's all worth it when they're steaming fresh from the oven. My boys always beg me to make that when they come home to visit."
There lied an expression on the older woman's face which ignited a small amount of envy in Lorna. Envy to not have an unrelenting fear of foods. Envy of her being able to discuss meals without having to constantly overthink it all just to get the words out. Envy of how at peace—and rather happy—she appeared to be easily talking about the foods she enjoyed cooking. It was so foreign to Lorna the thought of enjoying food so much. She couldn't remember the last time she thought about food without having such an intense contempt towards it.
Despite all the thoughts running a muck through her mind at the time, Lorna, nevertheless, felt her lips curve into a small smile. Though she did not relate to the delight Mrs. Mendoza appeared to receive from the meals she conversed over, Lorna couldn't help but feel a sense of comfort listening to her talk about it all. "What are empanadillas?"
Smile widening somewhat, Gloria closed her eyes for a quick second. She reopened them after a breath released from her lungs and retained her stare on the young girl across from her. "The most delicious thing you'll ever eat," the words came out in a swift manner followed by a light-hearted chuckle. Gloria waved her hand in the air. "That's true but they're like—hmm, have ya ever had an apple turnover before?"
Lorna squinted her eyes and then gave a small nod. "Erm, I think so. Ain't that like an apple pie sandwich?"
Another good-natured chuckle escaped from Mrs. Mendoza's larynx. She nodded her head in acknowledgment to the query. "That's one way of putting it, Lorna," Gloria commented with a smile and took a second to swallow down the saliva which had formed from all of the talking. "Well, anyway, an empanadilla is basically like an apple turnover but instead of fruit for filling, I stuff them with a mixture of beef, peppers, onions and of course cheese. I took my abuela's recipe but added a little bit of my own to it, too. Would ya like to try one someday? I'm making a batch for my family dinner on Sunday—I could bring one to school Monday for you to try, how's that sound?"
Such an offer was rather tempting to Lorna. She swallowed uneasily and bit down on the side of her mouth, unsure what to respond with. Her heart swelled with warmth at the sweet gesture of being asked if she'd wanted to try a delicacy in her counselor's home. There rested a yearning inside of her to accept the offer, yet, her self-loathing half worked even harder to convince her why it was in her best interest to refuse.
"Erm, uh, how many, uh, calories are in them? It sounds real good but I just—I, um, I just I'm tryna be healthy is all," Lorna stumbled with her words, bouncing a shoulder up to the side of her face and then retreating it back to it's natural position once more.
Shaking her head concerningly at the stammered response, Gloria's smile morphed into a disheartened frown. She didn't like where this was leading to. It was clearer each time Lorna spoke of 'trying to be healthy' that there was a bigger problem at play. Everything began to add up the longer Gloria let her mind ponder over it all. Head tilted slightly and eyes peered rather worriedly across into the teen's. "You don't need to worry about that, honey. You're too young to be frettin' so much over calories," her head shook again to observe how frantic she was regarding the caloric volume of food.
Worried lines creased onto her forehead as she held her gaze on Lorna. It left her feeling highly unsettled hearing how hung up Lorna was on the calories of food items. Something she was certainly going to be emailing her outpatient therapist on later that day, she already decided on. "I will save an empanadilla and bring it with me on Monday so you can try it. I will not tell you the calories because not only do I not know but you also don't need to be overly focused on that. Is that understood Miss Lorna?"
Eyes widened uneasily at the thought of consuming something she had no nutritional or caloric information on. A large gob of saliva pooled at the edge of her mouth and she swallowed it thickly down. "But, I just—I wanna be healthy, Mrs. Mendoza. I gotta know the calories so I can keep track is all."
"And why are ya keeping track of caloric amounts? You can be healthy without being obsessive."
Slicking back her hair, Lorna chewed nervously on the corner of her bottom lip. Legs shifted uncomfortably in their current position. "It's to help me lose this, erm, bit of gut that I got is all. No big deal. I just wanna be healthy."
Gloria shook her head at the shocking comment and quickly got up to go sit down next to the hyper self-conscious teenager who sat rather restlessly. A gentle, comforting hand was placed onto her shoulder and carefully moved the girl so that they were facing each other. "You don't have a gut, honey. Ya don't needa be tryna lose weight, okay? Do ya have an appointment with Dr. Washington sometime soon?"
"Tomorrow," was Lorna's mumbled response with a simultaneous shake of her head.
Nodding alongside a bout of relief that swooshed over her, Gloria patted the hand she rested on her shoulder in a soothing manner. "Good. I'll be sending her an email later as I have a few things I think she could be of real good help with for ya, sweetheart."
Chapter Text
Chapter Sixty
Having had spent the better part of the day in the guidance office meant Lorna fortunately skimped out on dealing with Annalisa's wrath. Or so she thought as she made her way to her locker to gather her things before leaving for the day. It wasn't until she had already retrieved what she needed and had been halfway finished packing the books into her backpack that she felt another person's presence within her rather intimate vicinity. At first, without looking up, she assumed it to just be Nicky waiting on her. However, once she finished zipping up her bag and throwing it back over her shoulders, her eyes shifted up and realized it was not Nicky but Annalisa. And Annalisa looked anything other than thrilled to see her.
It wasn't long after that Annalisa's hands were grabbing harshly at her shoulders and pushing her backwards until the back of her body pressed against the cold metal of the lockers. Blue eyes pierced fiercely down into those of the shorter girl; the shorter girl who cowered and trembled within her grasp, she effortlessly noticed. Of course the sight formed a smirk upon her face. She kept one hand tightly gripped on Lorna's shoulder while using the other to reach for something in the pocket of her coat.
When Lorna's eyes were able to clearly focus on the object in Annalisa's other hand, she felt her legs wobble a slight amount. A lump was swallowed uneasily down her throat. The sharp, thin, nail could have passed for a prison shiv. Immediately her mind pondered with a rapid multitude of queries and scenarios as to what the blonde could be planning to use that thing for. None of them ended well for her. Her mouth opened a number of times but no words spewed out due to the incessant tremoring of her lips.
"Sharp, ain't it?" Annalisa ran the tips of her index and pointer finger over the pointed edge of the nail. The smirk on her face only intensifying the more her eyes witnessed Lorna's shakiness. She brought it nearer the girl's cheek but in a slow, drawn out, pace to extenuate the trepidation already seeping from her facial expression and brown eyes. "I bought it at the store yesterday," she whispered, letting the pointed edge of the nail touch lightly onto Lorna's cheek. "In case ya got us a shitty grade on the science project. Thought you could be the one to test it and see how sharp it is."
The sensation of the nail resting against the skin of her cheek made her entire body shudder out of discomfort. It hadn't dug inside of it but the sharpness of the nail's edge certainly wasn't the most pleasant thing. Not like the razor she cut her thighs with the other day as she showered in the bathroom of her foster family's house. Maybe it was because Annalisa happened to be the one in control of it and not her was why the feeling happened to be a lot less calming than when she had the edge of the razor excavating through the thick flesh of her thighs.
"You're not gonna do anything—we're in the hallway, how dumb are you?"
Lorna was even surprised with what came from her own mouth. Yet, she found it was only the truth. Annalisa had to be pretty dumb if she was going to cut her with that thing in the middle of their high school hallway, she deemed. Especially when it was the end of the school day, people would be walking through and notice. She sighed. She didn't know whether it'd be a good or bad thing for people to see Annalisa's sticking that nail through the skin of her cheek. Sure, on one hand, a teacher—if Lorna was lucky—might be the one to notice and stop her. On the other hand, though, if other classmates saw, it would only make things worse for her. There was a possibility it would encourage others to bully her, too, and that wasn't anything Lorna wanted or needed on her plate right now. Her plates was already overly stuffed as it was.
Dumb? Being insulted by someone as meek as the brunette held to the locker in back of her did not go over very well with Annalisa. She tightened her grasp tremendously, nails of her fingers scraping roughly through the cotton of her shirt and into the flesh of the shoulder underneath it. "Ya wanna say that again, Morello?" The words sputtered through a deeply menacing voice.
When her eyes witnessed the timid shake of Lorna's head, Annalisa gave a subsequent nod. Her other hand, which grasped onto the nail between two fingers, moved the sharp edge momentarily from her face so that she could harshly push her head against the locker behind it. Hard enough that it left a sting but not too hard that it happened to knock her out or anything of the sort. "Yeah, that's what I fucking thought," her mouth mere inches from Lorna's ear. The breath that came out heated the ear she'd spoken over.
She replaced the nail onto the flesh of Lorna's cheek and dragged it from the top to the bottom. It hadn't cut through the skin but was sufficient to cause a revolting flinch out of her. "You need to stop underestimating what I'm willing to do to you. I mean I shoved ya in that locker the other day, yeah? What makes ya think I won't let this lovely little nail glide through your plump big cheek, huh?"
An unnerving knot molded into the pit of her stomach. Breathing hitched. Eyes squeezed shut as she tried to mentally prepare herself for whatever the blonde teen was planning to do to her. She didn't have the energy, or stamina, to fight back. She was tired. Mentally, emotionally, physically. She reopened her eyes and averted them onto the slim nail that was only a few centimeters from her eyelids. In a dark and twisted way, she longed for it to be stuck right into the slit of her throat. To permanently take her out of this current quandary she was existing in. To allow her to rest—forever. Possibly reunite with her mother wherever her soul might be. Though, another part of her tried convincing her what having her life taken away like that would do to the people she loved who would be left behind. Either way she approached the thought, nothing good came of it. Even though, in the long run, she felt her death would be in the best for everyone who meant anything to her. They shouldn't be burdened with her—a dark, mentally insane, disgustingly fat person who only brought those around her down along with her.
Attention was brought back to what was presently occurring and brown eyes peered directly into blue ones right across from her. Blue ones which harbored a darkness to them—a perturbingly evil darkness at that. "What if a teacher sees? It's the end of the day, and um we're in the hallway. A good bully would not do this in plain sight," she flatly pointed out, her voice ever-so-faintly shaking even though she'd already come to terms with her possible fate.
"Ah-ah, you think you're real smart do ya?" Annalisa grappled a hand around the back of Lorna's head and pulled sharply on the hair cascading from its scalp. Hearing a rather boisterous yelp tremor from her mouth only had her pull harder on the clump of hair in her hand. She released it after another minute or two and took the nail right back to her cheek. This time she brought the pointed edge down against it and let the needle-like point dig into the flesh beneath.
Eyes watched as tears peeped from the bottom of Lorna's lids. The sight innately caused her to deepen the nail into her skin. "I know ain't no one gonna be catchin' us out here. Know why, Morello? Because I peeked through the classrooms before I found you and they were all empty. So, guess what? You can eat your words. Oh, wait, you don't eat do ya?"
Lorna gulped and used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe at the skin right under each of her eyes. It was too late, however, the tears had already started their descension along her cheeks. And she knew by Annalisa's movements that she'd noticed the tears before her little shirt wipe of them.
"Yeah, that's right—you're little bulimic Morello, aren't you? I heard ya in that bathroom puking. That's good. You could use the extra help to lose all this fat on you. Why don't ya try some laxatives too, yeah?" Annalisa smirked while scraping the nail down to right beside the corner of Lorna's mouth. She gave it one last, sharp, cut and finally removed it from the skin and swiftly threw the object back inside of her coat pocket.
The mixture of panic and unease which were melded on the younger teen's face only widened Annalisa's sneer. She slammed her back against the locker one last time and then pulled her by the collar of her shirt so that their faces were a mere inch apart. "If I end up with anything lower than a B in Mrs. Bell's class I'm holding you personally responsible, Morello. And I will make sure the next time I cut your face that you're left with a scar so ugly even Nichols will leave you. Ya understand me?"
A submissive nod was given from the shorter teen.
"Good," Annalisa muttered, letting go of Lorna so harshly that it caused her to fall backwards and collide into the lockers once more. A chuckle escaped the blonde to witness such and she waved mockingly at her. "See ya tomorrow, bulimic Morello. Don't forget to buy some laxatives."
Lorna didn't move from the floor until she watched Annalisa fade into the distance. It took a few tries but eventually she was able to push herself up into a standing position and held onto the wall behind her to regain her balance. Legs wobbled slightly from the trepidation which still poured through her. She stammered her way down the hall, not knowing where the hell her girlfriend could possibly be. Of course, she was grateful for Nicky's running behind because that saved her from having the bullying found out by her.
Tears blurred her vision as she continued on her path through the hallway. A hallway that, right now, appeared to never end. As if she were in some contorted funhouse at a fair. It just kept going and going. By the time she reached the end of it her legs were nearly ready to give out on her and she all but fell and unexpectedly collided with another person.
"I'm sorry—I'm sorry," the words stumbled fearfully from her vastly tremoring lips.
When her eyes looked up at who she bumped into, they were surprised to see it was none other than the school counselor who she'd spent nearly half the morning with earlier.
Picking herself up off the floor, Gloria squinted her eyes slightly to realize the culprit of her slip to be Lorna. Lorna who, as she peered her over with attentive and precise eyes, appeared alarmingly pale and shaky. Gloria acted quickly, bending down to pull her up by the hand and taking her face gently in her hands to examine closer. "Oh, Lorna—honey, you don't look so good. What's this bleeding from on your cheek, huh? What happened?" She brushed a thumb along the skin beneath where the cut rested and shifted her eyes over to Lorna's.
Lorna turned her head as if to make sure no one was after her. She turned it to the other side to do the same and then recentered it in front of the Hispanic woman. Her mouth opened but the words refused to escape it. She swallowed down harshly and looked down at the floor. Tears had yet to cease and Lorna was too panicky to even care enough to resist them.
"Hey, hey," Mrs. Mendoza softly called out, moving her hand to the bottom of Lorna's chin so that she could carefully lift her face onto eye level with her own. "How'd this cut get on your face? I need you to tell me, Lorna. This was not there when we were in my office this morning which means it happened during school hours. You need to tell me what happened, sweetheart."
The command was gentle, compassionate, and yet with a sternness that told Lorna she wasn't going to be able to worm her way out of it so easily. Such a conclusion only had her lips trembling even more. She wanted to speak but her mind wouldn't allow her. Eyes looked frantically into those of her counselor's. "I—I uh it, I don't—I don't um…I hit it on I was the bathroom. The bathroom, I scraped it on the uh—"
Gloria's head shook firmly. She took Lorna's hand and started leading her in the opposite direction, in route of the nurses' office. The way in which she was fumbling and stumbling with her words showed her the girl was in no condition to be going anywhere but to see the school nurse. Something needed to be done and fast, she acknowledged. "Have you had anything to eat today, Miss Lorna? Because you don't look well and you can't even form a coherent sentence right now. And I'm not saying any of this to be mean. I'm saying it out of concern for you, sweetie. You are clearly not okay," she questioned with worried lines creased onto her forehead, her grip on the other's hand tightened as she fastened her pace.
"Um, I, uh, yeah. Course' I ate. I just—I'm, I-I'm real drained is all. Got a lotta stuff to do and I'm clumsy and feel like I'm all over the place. Where, where are we going? I need to find Nicky, she's my ride home. I don't wanna worry her or nothin'," Lorna finally calmed herself enough to form a comprehendible response. Though her eyes still spilled out a string of tears from within.
"What did you have to eat?" Gloria stopped a few feet away from the door of Mrs. Reznikov's office and faced Lorna with her arms crossed over chest along with a stern gleam in her light brown eyes.
The bewildered look on Lorna's face and the tears that hadn't seem to stop rolling down sharpened a pang in her chest. Her maternal instincts were too great for her to resist from taking the blatantly disheveled child into her arms. She couldn't let her suffer in silence any longer; arms carefully wrapped around Lorna's upper back and brought her close so that her head naturally fell onto her shoulder. Fingers soothingly raked through thick dark waves of hair. "You worry me, Lorna. Ever since you've been coming to see me, I've noticed you getting smaller and smaller. And paler. You're so pale. Your skin is almost transparent. You're not eating right, are you? Why aren't you taking care of yourself, huh? You need food to function properly, honey. No wonder you're having a hard time keeping your balance and getting scrapes on your face. You're undernourished at the very minimum." Another disheartened head shake was given; hands continued to comb through dark strands of hair.
"I brought you to the nurses' office. You should have a rest before ya go anywhere, you're so pale and unwell."
Squinting her eyes, the short teen tried to make sense of what was said to her. Her eyes shifted away from Mrs. Mendoza and down onto her hand which rested on the side of her leg. The paleness that the older woman was so adamant in pointing out was not seen by Lorna's eyes as she observed her hand and wrist. All that was noticed was the fat accumulating around her forearm and fingers. She shook her head spitefully and returned her stare back up onto Gloria. "I told you I ate, I'm fine. I don't need to go in there—I need to find Nicky so she doesn't get worried," impatience and irritation inflected through her voice.
"Just cause you say you ate doesn't mean it's true or that I believe you," Gloria pointed out rather effortlessly. Eyes peered back, the sternness in them still there from earlier. "You do need to go in Mrs. Reznikov's office; you need that cut on your face properly cleaned and bandaged at the absolute least. And I can assure you that Nicky is already worried about you so there is no sense in ya stressing over that."
Despite Lorna's resistance, and the clear agitation seeping through her facial features, Mrs. Mendoza wasted no more time standing out there discussing the matter any further and instead pulled the handle of the door to allow the two of them to enter through. She walked Lorna over to one of the vacant office beds, gently laying her onto it, and then made her way to the small room where Red was gathering her things alongside Nicky who'd been sitting in the leather desk chair watching her do so.
"Red, can you take a look at Miss Lorna's face please? I was on my way out when she stumbled out in front of me. I noticed a cut on her face that's actively bleeding and figured it'd be best to have her checked out by you for safe measure. She was in my office for the better part of the morning and there were no marks on her face so it's definitely fresh. But she has not given me a straight answer on how it got there. Maybe you'll have better luck in that regard."
Hearing her girlfriend as the topic of the conversation, Nicky's eyes instantly perked up and through the window of the office out onto the very person who was being mentioned. Breath hitched immediately in her throat to catch sight of just how truly pale and frail Lorna appeared laying on the bed. Eyes sharply focused back on the guidance counselor and before Red had the chance to respond, Nicky took it upon herself to do so.
"She looks like a lot more is wrong than just a cut on her face. Did she say anything about what's going on? I'm so worried about her, Mrs. Mendoza. Please tell me you can help her?" Desperation seeped rather profusely from the expression which was etched on Nicky's face. It felt like no matter how hard any of them tried Lorna only worsened. Only hid deeper and deeper in the hole she dug herself. And watching how it all played out happened to be the hardest thing for Nicky. She loathed just sitting and not being able to do anything of significance to help the girl she loved. Nothing was more heartbreaking than observing her continuous downward spiral.
Gloria inhaled a sharp breath, turning from the other adult in the room and now facing the redhead teenager. The frantic worry expressed upon her face did not go unnoticed. It was nearly the same worry she felt for the young girl lying on that bed on the other side of the small room they were in. Albeit she sensed Nicky's worry was a few smidges stronger than her own. She couldn't blame her for such—Lorna was her girlfriend, after all, it only made sense that she would have the fiercest volume of worry for her.
As if out of instinct, Mrs. Mendoza reached a cautious hand to rest on the top of one of Nicky's shoulders. Eyes peered directly into hers and it wasn't difficult to absorb the amount of anguish that subtly oozed through them. A sigh escaped her. She knew she didn't have any true answers for the young girl. And even if she had, she wouldn't have been able to share without Lorna's consent.
"Not much was said to me, Nicky, I'm sorry. I have my concerns for her and I told her I'm reaching out to her therapist to let her know those. I think Dr. Washington can be of more help for her. There's obviously more she's dealing with than she's willing to share with any of us," Gloria paused to take a breath. As she did so, she moved her head a few inches to the right so her eyes were gazing through the one-sided window which looked out into the part of the office where the beds were. Lorna laid restlessly atop one, lying on her side and—from what Gloria could make out—was looking straight ahead into the void.
Her heart grew incessantly heavy at the sight. She swallowed thickly and gradually brought her attention back onto the older teen who stood before her with arms crossed over her chest. "I know it's hard seeing someone you love suffering in the dark like this," she carefully said, letting the hand which still rested over Nicky's shoulder give a gentle pat to it. "It's not the most pleasant thing to do. I'm sorry, Nicky. But right now I think what would help Lorna the most is patience. She's clearly not ready to talk about the issue and pushing her to would only make her more resistant towards you or anyone who tries to force it out of her."
Another breath of air exhaled through Gloria's nose. "I know none of this is what ya wanna hear. Probably not real helpful to you, either, and I'm sorry for that. I wish I had better advice for you, honey, but I just don't have much to go off of." Hands were thrown slightly upward in exasperation. She longed to do more for the two of them. But she was only a school counselor and her expertise only went so far.
A hand lifted and pushed back a good deal of hair from falling against her forehead. Nicky sighed, shaking her head. It didn't surprise her much at all that Lorna didn't bring anything up. Lorna was so hell-bent on keeping everything private that sometimes Nicky secretly wondered if there was some part of her which enjoyed suffering and hurting. And even just thinking such a thing made Nicky's chest ache rather tremendously. She didn't want any part of Lorna to feel pleasure over her own suffering.
Swallowing a bout of saliva that had formed at the bottom of her mouth, Nicky very slowly returned her attention onto Mrs. Mendoza. Just by staring her over, she was easily able to note the genuine care the older woman appeared to have for Lorna and that simultaneously caused her head to bob up and down briefly. It felt relieving to acknowledge other people like Red and Mrs. Mendoza were starting to take notice of Lorna's clearly unwell mind in the same way that she was. At least with more people seeing how not okay she was the harder it would be for her to keep up the charade, Nicky mentally concluded.
However, who spoke next was not Nicky but Red—who'd since finished her earlier task she was in the middle of when Mrs. Mendoza had first entered inside. She turned around to look between the two of them, having only heard bits and pieces of the conversation. The glasses that rested against her heart, from the chain tied around each of the temple tips, were picked up and carefully placed onto her nose and pushed up to the bridge of it. She peeked a quick glance through the window out onto Lorna then returned her eyes onto her daughter and Gloria.
Hands naturally folded over either side of her hips. "Did you get her to talk to you at all about how poorly she's looking after herself? I don't think that girl is eating—her body keeps shrinking and whatever foster family she's livin' with, I don't understand how they're not doing a thing about it," her accent thickened as she spoke, hands moving about in synchronicity with the words falling from her mouth. Red still had been unable to wrap her mind around the fact that the people Lorna currently resided with weren't taking any of the necessary steps to help her. Were they blind? They had to be to not notice her unconcealed feeble appearance. Her head shook the more she pondered over it.
"I'll just say this," Gloria held out a hand, "Whatever is going on with Lorna, I don't think I'm exactly qualified to help her with. She's struggling majorly with something and it's really beyond my experience level. But I know her therapist will be a good help to her so I'll be shooting her an email later this evening. I gotta head out but please let me know how she is later once ya get her all taken care of and cleaned up."
The door leading back out to the hallway closed signifying Gloria's departure. Both Red and Nicky took that as their que to finally go over to check on Lorna, who'd been lying on that bed alone for the past five minutes.
Only a matter of seconds passed through before Nicky was standing by Lorna's side, hovering over her with big, soft, concerned-filled eyes. Eyes that took in every inch of her face. And it hadn't taken too long until they landed on the very part of Lorna's face where the mysterious cut Gloria mentioned to her and Red inhabited on. Lower lip sucked in under the top one; Nicky shook her head sadly while reaching a hand to place right underneath it. She inhaled a sharp breath to distract herself from the emotions and thoughts swirling through her mind.
"What happened, babe?" The question came out rather brokenly. The bombarding emotions were too much for Nicky to properly keep in like she had previously planned. She swallowed and brushed the tips of her fingers delicately around the flesh of her girlfriend's cheek her hand cupped around. Dried up blood darkened the skin around where the cut was. Nicky moved her fingers towards it, caressing soothingly up and down its length. She squinted her eyes slightly, looking at it closely, but couldn't figure out a reason for why it appeared on her girlfriend's cherub face.
To Lorna, it felt as if an entire lifetime had passed that she'd been lying on the bed staring at the wall ahead as she waited for the presence of another human being to join her. The second she heard her girlfriend's voice her head twisted around faster than a cat to a mouse. Eyes scoped the older girl's face precisely and a lump formed at the back of her throat to see how panicked she looked. She innately brought a hand to frame around one of Nicky's cheeks, stroking it softly up and down its flesh.
Her other hand was used to touch the spot where she found Nicky's eyes to be staring at in a rather intense manner. It felt grittier than the surrounding skin against the flesh of her hand. A hard swallow was taken to keep herself from shuddering. She sucked her bottom lip inward and lowered her eyes onto the foot of the bed. "Oh, hon, you know me and how clumsy I am," was her muttered response followed by a muted shrug of her shoulders.
Nicky bit down on her tongue and turned towards Red so that they could share an uneasy look. She watched as the Russian school nurse gave a slight shake of her head, obviously not believing Lorna's words any more than she, herself, had. Drawing in a slow, sharp, breath, Nicky returned her attention onto the brunette and leaned closer to her until their foreheads naturally brushed up together. A loose strand of brown hair came a mere centimeter from Nicky's eye so she lovingly moved it away with the tip of her thumb.
"I also know you and how much you hate opening up about things," she gently pointed out, lips merely pressing onto the flesh of her cheek from the close proximity between the pair of them.
There was a sudden resistance Nicky could feel from Lorna's weak attempts to try and unravel herself out of the embrace they'd been sharing. Nicky squeezed her eyes shut, tightening her arms around her waist. She wasn't going to allow Lorna any more chances at avoiding the hard truths. It was certainly time she started facing them, Nicky silently determined. The only way Lorna would ever be able to fully overcome the obstacles her life seemed to be throwing nonstop at her, the redhead realized, was for her to acknowledge that they were there and talk through them. Because the way she was going by keeping all of it inside was leading her to a place of self-destruction. Or rather a place of further self-destruction since it was clear Lorna had likely been using self-harming behaviors well before Nicky had even entered the picture.
Lorna chewed down on the side of the inside of her mouth and closed her eyes for a moment. Since it was wordlessly established that Nicky wasn't going to be letting her go any time soon. She placed a hand on the top of her forehead and smoothed back her hair to calm her fraying nerves. A sigh pushed its way from her lungs. Nicky knew her too well. Too well for sure her mind echoed. She swallowed the building saliva under her tongue and worked her hardest to gather her thoughts.
Eyes reopened after several moments of silent thinking and yet, Lorna remained without the words to speak with. She was unsure of how much longer she could survive with all these secrets whirling through her core. They appeared to consume her wholly alive. She wouldn't be surprised if one day she just crumbled to the ground from the pressure of it all. In fact, right at that specific moment, she craved to crumble onto the floor. Craved to be whisked away from the reality of everything. She didn't want to face any of it—didn't want to deal with what was given to her. It was too much, it was all just too damn much.
It was Red who decided on breaking the quiet spell looming through the air, which concurrently interjected Lorna and brought her out of her thoughtful mind.
"Go on and tell us how the mark got on your cheek, Lorna. It looks deep, like it's been cut into," she commented while examining it with a gloved-covered finger. Her head shook solemnly as her eyes peered the flesh of her cheek over rather methodically. Whatever caused it was certainly done purposefully, she concluded by the deepness of it. And she certainly planned on getting to the truth of the matter.
Both sets of eyes melded into her own rather fiercely. So fierce that Lorna swore the two of them were trying to burn her with heat vision—as if that would somehow reveal all of her truths to them. But she wasn't about to allow that to happen. At least not everything all at once. She already felt incredibly overwhelmed, telling them the entirety of her secrets would be too much right now.
She felt Red's finger cautiously tracing the area near the cut and fixed her eyes on said spot. A breath of air escaped rather noisily through her windpipe. She swallowed thickly and shifted her feet out of discomfort with the situation. "I just, uh, scraped it when I was walking outta the bathroom earlier is all. I'm real klutzy and uncoordinated, ya know?"
Neither of the redheads were inclined to believe such an answer given to them. Nicky gritted her teeth to keep down her frustration while Red folded her arms defensively over her chest and gave Lorna a hard stare. A stare that nonverbally expressed there was no escaping the room without the real reason being disclosed. No more of this stammering over words and brushing things under the rug, Mrs. Reznikov made the mental decision despite it not being hers to make.
"Okay, no, you didn't just scrape it on anything. There are only two ways that cut got there—either you intentionally caused it or someone else did it. Which one is it, Lorna? Don't give us another bullshit answer, it's not helping you to lie about it. You're only hurting yourself more and more by constantly lying," Red sternly spoke, waving an adamant hand in the brunette teen's face. Something needed to be done. It was apparent to everyone—except for Lorna, herself—that she couldn't keep going the way she was. The lying, the secrets, the not caring for herself—it was all going to cause a domino effect if she didn't start opening up.
Brown eyes shifted back and forth between Red's and Nicky's. Red's—whose held a fierce sternness in them, one telling her there wasn't any possible way for her to talk herself out of it—and Nicky's, whose were gazing back at her with only the deepest amount of concern and apprehension. Air caught in her throat as she gradually came to realize there was no escaping the reality of how she received such a marking on her cheek.
Lorna took in a long breath as a way to procrastinate her response even longer. She closed her eyes, letting her ears focus on the ticking of the clock that was sat on the wall above the door which led back out to the hallway. It didn't assist her in figuring out what words to speak but did bring a slight calmness over her.
The clearing of a throat—presumably Red's—brought Lorna back from her mind and her eyes opened once more. They were still gazing at her, waiting for an answer. Adamantly waiting for an answer, she knew and bit down on her lip. She focused her attention on Nicky for a moment. Seeing the uneasiness, the frantic worry—her heart ached at it all. She had to give her some piece of mind. Nicky needn't worry so much about her. A hard swallow. "Nicky," she called out with a slight tremor evident in her voice.
Tilting her head, Nicky cupped her hand softly around Lorna's cheek and let their foreheads press onto each other once again. "Yeah, kid? It's okay, you can tell ma and I what happened. No matter what. Just tell us; we're here for ya," her voice lovingly assured as she used a finger to curl gently around a strand of Lorna's brown hair.
"Before I do," a pause was taken so that Lorna could inhale a sharp breath. She swallowed and placed one of her own hands atop the one resting on her cheek. "I need ya to promise me something, hon. Please?"
The nervous command formed an uncomfortable knot in Nicky's stomach. This didn't sound like it was leading to anything good; that was for sure, she thought. Regardless, she gave an encouraging nod to her girlfriend and brushed the tips of her fingers gingerly around the flesh of her cheek. "Of course, kid. What is it? I'll do anything for ya, sweet Lorna," words murmured gently as she pressed her lips to the corner of Lorna's mouth.
"Please don't get upset or mad when I tell ya who, uh, who gave me this cut, okay?"
"Who? Someone—someone fuck—someone did this to ya, baby?" Nicky swallowed down the boiling rage. Her lower lip naturally sucked into the top one. Despite the anger, she gave a curt nod. Leaned even closer to her girlfriend, tightened her arms even fiercer around her waist. "Okay, okay. Just, uh, just tell me what happened. Tell ma and I what happened, yeah?"
Lorna swallowed anxiously but pushed past the sensation. Nicky didn't deserve to be left in the dark all the time, she reminded herself. "Anna—erm—Annalisa, she hadda nail with her and uh, she scraped it against my cheek."
Chapter Text
Chapter Sixty-One
Annalisa. Anna fucking Lisa. Anna fucking goddamn Lisa. The name repeated ragefully through Nicky's mind. She should have known. She should have fucking known Annalisa would be the fucking cause of it. Head shook spitefully at the revelation. Annalisa seemed to always be the cause of her girlfriend's misery in school the more her thoughts pondered on it. She dug her teeth distastefully through the flesh of her tongue. The only thing she could do to keep her anger from displaying outward was to retain from speaking. Lorna wasn't who should have to witness her vengeful anger. No, Annalisa was the one who needed to have her face pounded into right then and there. Who needed to be fucking stopped once and for all.
Observing her daughter's behavior, it didn't take much for Red to pick up on the anger which clearly seemed to emanate from her demeanor. Even through her refusal to allow it fully out. She inwardly sighed and shifted her eyes onto Lorna, peering her over dishearteningly. At least the truth was given on how the cut actually got there, she thought. That was one very small step in the right direction. She placed a hand on a shoulder of each of the teen's, giving them both a comforting pat.
"Annalisa?" Red squinted her eyes as she tried to remember who the girl was. "She's that little blonde girl who came in here a few months ago, yes? When you had that incident in the bathroom?"
The question tightened a lump at the back of Lorna's throat. Her head nodded and she tilted it down so that her eyes focused on the shoes of both she and Nicky. She swallowed, hoping none of what was said caused Nicky any more apprehension. Nicky spent too much time worrying over her—too much time bothering with her. She loathed the idea of being such a heavy burden on her sweet Nicky. Naturally, she grabbed a hold of one of her hands and gave it a soft squeeze. Hoping to ease away whatever anger was tearing through her in that moment.
With Nicky's hand squeezed tightly, affectionately, in her own, Lorna averted her eyes back onto Mrs. Reznikov's. She noted the concern and worry oozing from them, almost in the same way as Nicky's, and it only strengthened the lump in her throat. "Erm, yeah—that's her," the response came out in a faintly shaky voice. She felt her girlfriend's hand tense up, causing her head to turn back so that her eyes were peering right up at her. "I—I'm sorry, hon," she spoke not much louder than a whisper while reaching her other hand to rest against one of her cheeks, giving it a soothing pat.
The apology made Nicky's anger boil even fiercer. She grinded her teeth roughly together as she shook her head profusely. Eyes returned Lorna's gaze with a sharp austerity trickling out of them. "I don't want you to apologize. You have no reason—no damn reason to be sorry, Lorna. Don't. Don't say sorry for what's been done to you. Annalisa—that grimy little good-for-nothing snake of a person—she's the fucking one who needs to be sorry. She needs to be begging for your forgiveness. What else has she done? What is ma talkin' bout' with this bathroom incident?"
"But you're mad, Nicky. I made you mad. See this is exactly why I didn't want to say anything. I don't like seeing you mad and upset over me and the petty shit that comes along with me. Ya deserve better than this, hon. It's not worth the trouble talking about it. Just, uh, just—school's over, shouldn't we be leaving? What if we get locked in the building?"
Regardless of her mother's presence, Nicky took Lorna right back in her arms and sat down on the foot of the bed so that she could easily cradle and cuddle the smaller teen closer. Anger faded to the back burner after hearing what came from her girlfriend's mouth. She swallowed a good amount of saliva which had accumulated and took Lorna's face into her hands. Big brown eyes poured mercifully into the younger teen's. Her head shook sadly at the thought of Lorna's keeping this hidden out of fear of being a pest. Something that couldn't be further from the truth.
"I am mad, kid, but not at you. You didn't make me mad," she started off, letting a hand comb softly through thick dark waves of hair. Teeth bit down on the inside of her lower lip. Arms enveloped protectively around Lorna's body, letting her front naturally press against the back of the one her arms were grasped around. "The only person I'm angry with is Annalisa. And when I find that little snake, so help me god I will tear her—"
"You will not do anything, my Nicky," Red intervened the second she noticed Nicky's anger rising through her voice inflection.
She walked over to where the pair of them were and sat down beside the two. A soothing hand placed onto her surrogate daughter's shoulder. The anger she observed being displayed by her was completely understandable. Completely rational—she, too, felt rather enraged to hear what this Annalisa had done to Lorna. However, she also knew that it wasn't Nicky's place to show revenge to the girl. No matter how much she deserved it. "I will make sure something is done about this, believe me I will. This kind of behavior is not going to be tolerated here."
Red turned her attention onto Lorna, grabbing one of her hands in hers and peered gently into her eyes. "What Annalisa did to you could be considered assault. It's a good thing you told us the truth. We can't have someone like her walking around the school with weapons in her possession. She could have done worse to you, honey, if you didn't let us know about the incident." She gave a soft pat to Lorna's hand when she noticed the discomfort slowly settling on her face.
Shaking her head harshly, Nicky snapped her head around to give a hard stare towards her mother. "What's gonna be done, ma? You're gonna tell the principal? Big deal. Let me have a word with Annalisa and I'll make sure she never fucking comes near Lorna again. Not just that but she won't even look at her again when I'm done speaking to her."
"No, Nicky," the middle-aged school nurse commanded. She lifted a finger and pointed it rather firmly in the young girl's face. Despite admiring the fierce volume of care her daughter had for Lorna, she wasn't about to enable her to cause bodily harm to another student. Even if said student had been the culprit of such a sickly marking on Lorna's face. "You are not to go anywhere near this Annalisa, Nicky. I am the adult here and I will be the one to make sure this gets taken care of. Yes, this will be brought to the attention of the principal. It's her job to make sure unruly students like Annalisa are dealt with accordingly."
Lorna jolted out of Nicky's arms quite violently upon hearing talk of the principal being dragged into this mess. A mess that was only currently existing because of herself. She shook her head and threw her hands in the air. Frantic brown eyes looked intensely over at Mrs. Reznikov. She waved a hand in her direction while shaking her head a second time. "No," a breathless whisper. "No," this time a normal volume voice. "Please, Red, please don't get the principal involved. It's fine. I'm all good, now. There's no reason to bother the principal with all this. Everything's fine now."
"No, everything is not fine. You're not fine." The words slipped swiftly from the Russian woman's mouth.
No wonder her Nicky always seemed exhausted. Lorna's constant rebuttal against the truth of what was going on around her was one of the most tiring things Red ever experienced as a high school nurse. And she'd seen some things in those near two decades. But none of it compared to the Lorna Morello debacles. "There is absolute a multitude of reasons to bother the principal with what happened, Lorna. Annalisa brought a nail to the school and used it to cut your skin. That's one hell of a big deal and you can't just sweep it under the rug and think that's gonna make it go away. It's not. It's not gonna go away until you deal with it. Which means the principal needs to hear about it. So that she can make sure an incident like this is not ever repeated again."
A deep sigh forced its way from Lorna's lungs. She felt her heart-rate steadily climbing within her chest. Eyes shifted rapidly back and forth between Red and Nicky. Neither one had allowed their focus to falter from her, she effortlessly observed. The inference only continued to aid in the rising of her heart-rate. She opened her mouth and closed it, swallowing a vast volume of air in the process. Sure, the idea of the principal finding out what happened and making certain Annalisa hadn't ever the chance to do something like that again in the future sounded amazing to Lorna's ears. She wanted more than anything to never have to deal with the blonde's wrath anymore. However, she had a strong sense that the principal wouldn't be quite as helpful as what her mind was making it out to be or what even Red might have been thinking would be done. No, she thought, the only thing that would come of having the school principal dragged into this mess was likely to be more bullying. Annalisa wouldn't take lightly to Lorna's getting her in trouble. Not at all.
Nicky was thankful for her mother's adamant words being spoken to the brunette. Lorna needed to hear the truth. Needed to know that it wasn't okay what was done to her. That it wasn't okay for her to just brush it off like a piece of fuzz. And, with the intensifying anger building in her own body right now solely directed at Annalisa, she knew had it been her who said any of those words to Lorna at this current moment they would have come out a lot harsher than necessary. A sigh of relief escaped to acknowledge she lucked out of unintentionally causing any further turmoil for her girlfriend.
As she retreated from her thoughts, however, she loathed to see the frantic desperation oozing from Lorna's eyes and face. The sight instantly had her standing up and walking over to her, engulfing her in her strong arms once more. Her lips brushed lightly against the flesh of Lorna's forehead while one hand cradled around a pale cheek. "Why are ya so against telling the principal about this, huh? Is there more shit going on between you and Annalisa? And I still need ya to tell me about this bathroom incident."
"No, I just—I don't wanna make a big scene about it. I just want things to be normal. I don't know if the principal knowing is gonna make things any better. I mean I watched movies where they tell the principal about the mean kids and nothing changes, it just makes it all worse. I don't want that. I don't want worse, Nicky."
Stroking her fingers slowly up and down the length of her cheek, Nicky sighed at the disclosure. It wasn't not a valid reason to be resistive towards the idea of informing the principal. Yet, that still didn't mean the principal wasn't going to be told. She sighed once more and brought her other hand up to rub at one of her temples. The whole time her eyes remained peering into Lorna's. "Lorna, doll, movies aren't the most accurate when it comes to shit like that. Of course they're gonna make it seem like things only get worse—it's for entertainment, kid, that's why it's a movie and why things get worse. It's all just for show and drama. That's not like real life, okay?" Eyes quickly shifted over her head onto Red, desperate for assistance in reassuring Lorna.
"Isn't that right, ma? Movies just like to drag things out for drama?"
Hearing her daughter's slightly frantic queries, Red gave a copious nod of her head and held out her hands for emphasis. "Of course. Movies just exaggerate stuff like that for views. None of what's in them is realistic," she pointed out, averting her eyes over to Lorna. A sigh came out; if the situation hadn't been so serious, she would have laughed at the thought of Lorna's reasoning for not wanting to get the principal involved being based off what she'd watched in movies.
A breath came through her larynx. "Lorna, I promise you nothing is gonna get worse after I speak with the principal. But I'm not not going to say anything. It is my duty to do so. Annalisa needs to be reprimanded for her cruel behavior. She could have done worse to you—she could have brought a worse weapon the next time if ya kept this all to yourself." Red shuddered at her own comment. The thought of what could have happened had they not pried the honesty from Lorna made her insides twist and turn. She only hoped that one day Lorna would see the benefits of her secrets all finally coming to fruition.
Her head shook again—it shook so much the past half hour she was shocked it hadn't frozen in such a position—and she reiterated her focus on the wound running along the right side of Lorna's cheek. Determining now was a good time she made sure it was properly cleaned and dressed with some tape and gauss to keep the cut from getting any infections as well as to cease the bleeding.
"Hmm," she ran her thumb gently along it one more time before removing her hand from the cheek altogether. "I'm gonna clean it out with some peroxide so it doesn't get infected or anything. And because it's so deep, I'm gonna use a couple of gauss to bandage it with." A finger was wagged sternly between the two girls as she slightly backed away, "You stay put, Lorna, hear me? No trying to escape." Eyes shifted onto Nicky, "I'm sure you'll make sure she doesn't run away, yes?" She waited until she received a firm nod from her daughter and then turned around to gather what supplies she needed.
While Red was busy with her task, Nicky took that time to scoop Lorna back into her arms and carry her to sit down on the plastic chairs near the front of the room. She sat down first, then carefully pulled the shorter girl to sit on her lap. Anger had long dissipated and now what remained on Nicky's face was a solemn frown. It wasn't one bit fair what all her girlfriend had been put through. As if she hadn't enough to deal with—having her father's demented demand for her liver, stuck with a foster family who clearly were fucking blinder than bats, and still barely working through the grief of her mother—Annalisa had to go and cause even more destruction. All of it left a sour taste in Nicky's mouth. Lorna was the last person who deserved to be going through so much shit. A sigh escaped her and she bit down on her tongue—her craving for heroin gradually flourished to the surface. Hell even a cigarette would suffice, she thought.
With a deep inhale, Nicky pushed the thoughts and cravings aside and brought her awareness back onto the rather shaky brunette in her arms. The shakiness immediately caused her arms to tighten around her waist. She bent her head so that her lips were easily able to press warmly against the flesh of Lorna's forehead. "I'm sorry, doll," her voice warmly murmured along the skin of the forehead her mouth still rested atop of. Fingers combed soothingly through the dark strands of hair cascading from her head. "I'm so, so sorry my doll." She slowly began rocking the two of them back and forth in the seat they resided.
Lorna squinted her eyes at the apology; she looked directly into her eyes and felt a frown mold onto her face. She swallowed hard, trying to stop herself from shaking so much which she knew was only causing more stress to the girl whose arms were around her. "What are ya sorry about, hon? It ain't your fault I'm such an easy target. I'm okay, I'll live. Please don't worry so much for me, Nicky," the words came softly from her mouth while her arms encircled around Nicky's shoulders.
"Yeah, well, maybe if I'd of been there that fucking Annalisa would a never had the chance to hurt you. I coulda stopped her from even trying to stick ya with whatever the fuck she'd used to cut your precious face." The rage boiled back up and inflected through the comments Nicky spoke. She had to stop midway to ease some of it away. She promised Lorna to keep her anger from showing and she damn well planned on at least trying to retain it.
After a slow exhale of air, Nicky decided to continue with what she had previously set out on saying. "You will live but you're not okay. Not even in the slightest. I need you to please stop saying you're okay, yeah? We all can see how ghostly pale ya are, doll. And how fragile you look, you're not okay or fine. No matter how many times ya say you are either of those things isn't going to magically make it true."
"But I am okay, Nicky. I feel okay. I don't know how else to make ya believe me. But shouldn't we be going before we get locked in the building?"
The comment quickly ignited a frustrated breath of air to loudly force its way out of Nicky's throat. Her head shook violently at the words of her girlfriend, which now echoed vastly around her mind. It felt mere impossible to get through to the girl. Teeth grinded harshly against the sides of her mouth, an attempt to keep the madness from modulating into her voice. "No," she shook her head, eyes peering widely ahead at the brunette. "No," she repeated, much louder and with a slight amount of contempt mixed in. "You're not. You're not fucking okay. Repeating it over and over isn't making it any truer, Lorna. Ma and Mrs. Mendoza and me—we're not fucking blind, we can see—clear as fucking day—that you are the absolute opposite of okay. Why can't ya just admit that?"
To Nicky's dismay and Lorna's benefit, the conversation was halted by Red's coming back with a first-aid kit in her possession. She quickly got to work at cleaning up the wound with a cotton swab dabbed in peroxide. The young teen's flinches at each dab tightened a slight knot in her chest though she knew it needed to be done. It only took a couple of minutes before she was covering the cut with a secure layer of gauss and a few pieces of medical-grade tape.
After closing the kit back up, and prior to going to put it away, Mrs. Reznikov gave a firm stare between the two young girls. Eyes shifting from one to the other. "Yes, Lorna, Nicky's right," was what she cautiously started off with. Her gaze moved onto Nicky and she placed a hand onto her shoulder. "But just because you're right, Nicky, doesn't mean you should be pushing Lorna into talking about anything she's not ready to. Now, we're gonna have to finish this conversation later. It's time we get on outta here."
Halfway back to Red and Nicky's house, the decision was made to turn around and drop Lorna off with the Chapman's. After the police fiasco of the early morning earlier, none of them wanted to relive such an unenlightening experience. However, Nicky wasn't entirely fond of that as it meant Lorna got out of continuing their previous conversation. A conversation which desperately needed to be finished. They were still a good ten minutes or so from the house, giving Nicky just enough time to question her girlfriend on whether she could go with her. Even if not to spend the night, at least for the evening so the pair of them could finish their discussion.
Placing a tender hand onto Lorna's shoulder, she waited for her to turn her face in her direction. Once their eyes were on the same level Nicky cupped a hand around a pale cheek and felt a sigh push out of her mouth. "Ya think the Chapmans would be okay if I came over? We need to talk, kid. I'm worried about you. Ma's worried about you." Her thumb delicately caressed around the flesh underneath, drawing comforting circles around it.
Lorna allowed her eyes to become mesmerized by Nicky's and found herself involuntarily nodding her head. Despite not being particularly on board with sharing everything, she knew Nicky needed something to put her worries at ease for a while. At least until she felt ready enough to delve more in depth with the secrets she'd been harboring. Now, however, she shook the pondering thoughts away and cautiously grabbed a hold of one of Nicky's hands. Squeezing it tightly in her own. A sigh came out of her. She wanted to make all of Nicky's worries and fears fade away more than anything. Nicky had the sweetest of souls, she acknowledged that early on, and deserved none of the worry she'd been causing her lately. Albeit it not being intentional.
"Yeah, just come in the house with me. I'll ask if you can stay. I don't see why they would refuse…well, Mrs. Chapman might because I think she hates me. But I don't know, maybe she'll not care."
Carol sucked in a breath and reached for her glass of champagne. Everyone had just sat down for supper—she reluctantly, mostly because her husband had answered before she even could open her mouth, allowed their foster child's friend to join them—and her eyes were heatedly staring over across the table at the very girl. She cleared her throat once she'd set the glass back down, scooping a spoonful of roasted potatoes onto her plate. "So, Lorna, why don't you introduce your friend to us?"
The faint bitterness in Mrs. Chapman's tone hadn't gone without Lorna's ears noticing it. Naturally, she felt her shoulders slightly shudder from the unpleasurable vocal inflection. Her eyes uneasily deterred away from the older woman, landing on the empty plate in front of her. With Nicky occupying the seat next to her, she realized it was in her best interest to put some amount of food onto it. "She's not just my friend, she's, uh, she's my girlfriend. Her name's Nicky," she muttered while using the tongs to grab a heaping of salad mix from the big bowl in the middle of the table.
"Hmm, girlfriend?" Mrs. Chapman quirked an eyebrow, eyes darting between the two teens. She brought her champagne up for another drawn out sip and swallowed. "Does that mean you two are," her head moved a slight amount closer to the brunette, hand cupping around her mouth as if to keep her voice at a whisper level, "lesbians?"
Perking up at the topic of the conversation, Cal lifted his head to look at his mother. A chuckle escaped him as he tilted his head in Piper's direction, who'd sat on the other side of him. "Lesbian? Ya mean like Pipes over here was?"
Carol shook her head profusely at her son's statement, nearly sputtering up the bubbling liquid that had just gone down her throat. The glass was merely slammed down on the table afterwards and her blue eyes glared rather darkly at the blond teenager. "Piper is not a lesbian, Cal. She has a boyfriend. A very nice boyfriend at that," she spoke through gritted teeth. Her hand clutched around her fork and she used it to pluck a couple of the potatoes from her plate onto it.
Eyebrows waggling over his eyes, Cal gave a shrug and took a sip of his water. "Was. She was a lesbian."
"I was not a lesbian," Piper entered the conversation with clarification. She swallowed a bite of salad, focusing her eyes on the plate in front of her. Maybe lesbian wasn't the accurate descriptor for her but she also realized she wasn't quite as straight as her parents thought her to be. Air exhaled from her mouth, she stabbed a few pieces of lettuce with her fork and mumbled, "Had a boyfriend."
The revelation was sufficient to cause Carol's eyes to squeeze tightly shut. A distasteful frown melded onto her face. When she reopened her eyes, a moment later, she shifted them right back onto her daughter. An irritated expression now sitting upon her face. "Larry broke up with you?" In her mind that was exactly what Mrs. Chapman had hoped because if it was the other way around, she shook her head unable to finish her thought.
"I broke up with him, mom. Anyway isn't this conversation supposed to be about Lorna and her guest?"
Mrs. Chapman waved a hand at her daughter, "Yeah, nice try. You and I will talk about the breakup later. I can't believe you would leave a sweet guy like Larry. God damn it, Piper." Another head shake was given along with a sigh. She gradually shifted her attention back over to the foster child and the redhead beside her. An unreadable mien etched onto her face the longer she stared. "So the two of you are girlfriends? Lesbian type girlfriends?"
The two teens turned towards each other, sharing a silent stare, and then nodded their heads in synchronicity as a response to the query.
Carol gave a slow nod and bit uncomfortably down on her bottom lip. "Interesting," her voice not significantly louder than a whisper. Clasping her hands together, after a couple of quiet moments passed, she brought her focus onto the events of last night. Eyes immediately pierced strongly into Lorna's. "Care to enlighten Bill and I as to why you never came home last night? You didn't even give us a call to let us know where you were."
"Erm, uh, I was at Nicky's house. I, uh, just some family things happened and Nicky and her ma—they, um, offered for me to spend the night is all—"
"Hmm, is that so? Did you ask for mine or Bill's permission? No, you didn't. You never called to even let us know what was going on. No, instead you went and had a sleepover with your lesbian girlfriend while Bill and I sat here until the wee hours of the night worried something happened to you. Do you have any morals, Lorna?"
Bill, quite noisily, set his fork and knife onto the table as an effort to cease his wife's rant. He waved a hand at her to gain her attention and shook his head once their eyes met. "Stop it, Carol. I'm sure Lorna didn't purposely forget to call us. She said she had a family matter come up—she probably wanted to stay the night with someone close to her. It's not a big deal." His eyes shifted onto Lorna, an apologetic gleam emanating from them. "Just next time, please call. It's okay that you stayed over her house, but please remember to let us know where you're at in the future."
Once dinner had finished, the two teens rapidly retreated up the stairs to Lorna's room—or as Mrs. Chapman referred to it, the room that Lorna was staying in. Immediately upon their arrival, once the door had been closed, the brunette fell backwards against the mattress and patted both of her hands over her stomach. She could easily feel the weight of the food sloshing about from the extension of her gut. A sigh escaped her and she turned her head so that her eyes were gazing up at Nicky.
Feeling the heat from her girlfriend's stare, Nicky returned it quickly and took note of how her hands were covering over her abdomen. A breath of air escaped her lungs while an uneasiness slowly loomed over her. She took the few steps along to the bed, plopping down right beside the shorter girl. Arms, without hesitation, innately found their way around Lorna's petite frame. "The Chapmans sure are unique, huh kid? I didn't know I'd get dinner and a show tonight," she murmured, breath warmly trickling over the ear she spoke into. A chuckle bounced from her lips and a hand brushed its way through thick strands of Lorna's dark waves.
Nicky's chuckle and comment effortlessly caused one to come through Lorna's windpipe as well. Her arms were wrapped softly around Nicky's neck and shoulders. "They're real dysfunctional, I think. But it's not like a toxic kind—well, not like ya know what I'm used to."
The comment, despite being of a highly melancholic nature, gave Nicky a bout of hope. Hope that Lorna was starting to accept the truth of the matter. The truth of all that she'd been through. "Ya mean being abusive?" She questioned in a rather gritted voice from how intense her teeth were grinding together. When the other gave a meek nod, Nicky mirrored the movement with one of her own and huffed out a breath. "Thank god they're not like that. You've had enough abuse puttin' up with your asshat of a father for however long it's been. How long has it been, kid? I don't remember you ever saying," her eyes squinted curiously as they peered thoughtfully into the brunette's.
Pushing herself up to a sitting position, Lorna rested her chin on her knees and turned her head just enough to be able to retain her stare on her girlfriend. She swallowed a large gob of saliva and shifted from the uncomfortable aura that now materialized through the room. "Can we not talk about this now, hon? I don't…I just don't have the energy to answer questions about my dad or anything that requires me to think right now. I'm sorry. I-I'm not tryna hurt ya, Nicky, I just, it's real hard."
It was hardly a challenge for her to pick up on the clear exhaustion not just inflected through Lorna's voice but also on her face the longer her eyes lingered on it. Nicky sighed and reached her hands to tenderly frame around each one of the other's cheeks. Fingers stroked delicately up and down the length of each, leaving microscopic goosebumps in their wake. "It's okay, kid. Don't be sorry. I'm sorry. I know I can be a little—or maybe a lot—pushy sometimes but it's just because I love and care about ya so damn much. But we'll save this conversation for your therapy appointment tomorrow, yeah? At least maybe the therapist can help us navigate it better. I just want you to get better. I hate seeing you struggle so much, baby, it's not fair."
Albeit how drained and mentally fatigued she currently felt, Lorna formed a small smile on her face while nodding her head. Her arms found their way back around Nicky's shoulders and she bent down to press a gentle kiss atop her forehead. "No, hon, ya don't gotta be sorry neither. I appreciate all ya do for me, beyond words I can think to say. I'll do my best to share things with ya more but yeah, uh, I think it'll be a little easier to do that in therapy." A pause was taken in order for a few breaths to be inhaled and exhaled. After, she pressed one final kiss to Nicky's forehead and then situated herself so that she was lying right beside her. "I love you, my angel," the words came through a hushed yet loving voice.
Chapter Text
Chapter Sixty-Two
Midnight nearing, the two teens were halfway asleep on the bed in the room Lorna's foster family had given her when her brown eyes popped wide open and her hands shook Nicky by the shoulders in a profuse manner. The room was merely pitched black aside from the little bit of light coming from the moon shining through the side window back by the horizontal length dresser. But despite the darkness surrounding the two of them, Lorna's eyes quickly adjusted and retained their wide gaze down on the redhead beneath her.
Sensing her lover's eyes watching over her, Nicky moved both of her fists to her own and rubbed the sleep out of them as best she could. With slightly clearer vision she searched Lorna's face precisely, taking note of how wide and almost frantic her eyes appeared. Concern slowly crept up to her. Lorna's hands were rapidly felt on her shoulders and, now that Nicky was a little more awake, she mirrored the gesture by placing hers on Lorna's. They both stared intensely at each other; hands framing around one another's cheeks in the tenderest of touches.
Nicky leaned closer and rested her forehead against the other girl's, moving her hand up to lovingly push back loose strands of brown hair that seemed to be trying to cover her brown irises. The franticness she observed instinctively aided in her decision to brush her lips lovingly overtop the nearly unnoticeable trembling ones of her girlfriend's. If it were anyone else, the tremor of her lips would likely be ignored but Nicky did no such thing when it came to her Lorna. Her Lorna who she loved beyond any earthly explanation.
"Nicky?" The younger teen's voice called out in a hushed whisper. She cupped her hands around her eyes, squinting as she peered right at the person she was calling out for. "Are you awake, hon?" Lorna asked even though she was able to clearly see the redhead staring directly back at her. Her eyes may have registered the answer but her brain hadn't quite yet. Her brain still half frozen from merely falling asleep only moments earlier.
Scrunching her face somewhat, Nicky held her gaze fiercely and stroked the tips of her fingers delicately around the flesh of her cheek. The question seemed out of place and brought forth a small, albeit warm, chuckle out of her. "Am I awake? Would I be staring at you right now if I was sleeping, doll?"
A light laugh came through Lorna's throat as well and her arms encircled around Nicky's neck, pressing her face into the crook of it. "My brain isn't awake, hon. I just," the laugh and light-hearted sensation now replaced with the same franticness from earlier. There lied a pang in her chest. A pang that she couldn't comprehend the cause of. It felt as if a couple of elephants had been taking turns stomping overtop of her. Suddenly breathing appeared to be quite the chore.
Breath caught for a second in Nicky's throat when she took note of the other's abrupt change in behavior and how she was seeming to struggle just to get air into her lungs. Not hesitating even a minute longer Nicky took Lorna securely into her arms, naturally pressing their bodies together to bring her some sort of easement. Some release of whatever may have been tensing her up right then and there. "Hey," her voice murmured a few inches away from Lorna's ear. "Hey," she repeated softer, stroking gentle circles around the cheek her hand rested against. "What's the matter, kid? What's wrong? Talk to me."
"I," even just speaking a simple word took the wind right out of her. A sensation that Lorna had no understanding of. She couldn't figure out what was making breathing and talking and now even thinking such a challenging thing to do. Her arms released from where they wrapped around Nicky's neck so that she could use her hands to grab urgently onto the collar of her t-shirt. "I, I can't," she tried again to relay what she wanted to say but that proved to be not any easier than the first time.
The adamant struggle was hard for Nicky to watch. Bottom lip sucked inward to halt the frown that was so innately longing to form. Both of her hands were brought up to cup delicately around her girlfriend's quivering face. Quivering from the incessant tremoring of her lips, which appeared to be rather fierce to have the ability of causing even her cheeks to shake. She brought her hand up to where the bandaged cut was and caressed lightly around the surrounding area.
"It's okay, Lorna. Why don't we just try to go to sleep, yeah? We'll talk about whatever is making ya feel this way with your therapist tomorrow. For now, I think it's best we just lie down," Nicky softly suggested, slowly laying back against the mattress and pulling Lorna to rest on top of her. Arms wrapped around her body, one hand reached for the comforter which she pulled up to cover the both of them. Lips made their way onto her head pressing down on it a warm and tender kiss.
She felt Lorna's body very faintly flinch against her own and quickly her arms tightened around her. Chin resting on the tip of Lorna's head, one hand combing over and over through her thick brown waves. Concern intensified vastly with each passing second. Lorna's behavior was certainly not the most pleasant to witness. In fact, it formed a huge knot in the pit of her stomach to watch and not have any understanding of why it was occurring in the first place. The more Nicky's thoughts pondered on it the more puzzled she felt. She couldn't quite conclude what possibly could have triggered such a reaction from her, especially randomly in the wee hours of the night.
Regardless of the unknown, Nicky kept her secure hold on the blatantly distraught brunette and slowly rocked them side-to-side. Her chin remained over Lorna's head, keep it safely tucked underneath. A sigh made its way from her larynx. There was way too much going on in Lorna's life right now, she uneasily acknowledged, too much for any person to be able to handle all at one time. Let alone for a young teen girl like Lorna. She shook her head sadly—no wonder she was so upset right now; it was clear to Nicky this was all a product of her being excruciatingly overwhelmed. And who wouldn't be having to deal with the foster system, an abusive dad hounding her for an organ and a fucking abusive school partner who found joy in picking on her? That was enough to make even a grown adult effortlessly crumble to the floor.
Almost as quickly as she was scooped into her girlfriend's arms, Lorna jolted right back up and stared straight ahead at the mirror behind the vertically positioned dresser facing the foot of the bed they were lying atop of. "I, I, everything—I can't, I can't…I can't, Nicky. I can't. I can't," her voice cried out, tears threatening to spill from her eyes at any given second. The more she repeated the phrase the more chant-like it felt to her. Her brain was fatigued. Yet, sleep would not come to her. Thoughts whirled loudly through her head making sleep near impossible. And she hated herself for making Nicky suffer through the insomnia with her. Nicky did way too much for her already, she knew, and she loathed being the culprit of it. She wanted to be there for Nicky, too, wanted to be open with her but everything was way too intense for her to have the strength to do that right now. Which only added to the strong bouts of self-loathing. The unrelenting guilt. And all those two things had done was continue the vicious cycle of her starving herself. Hoping the longer she starved the less she'd be able to feel. She didn't want to feel anything anymore. Because right now she felt everything all at once in the fiercest of ways.
"Come here," Nicky warmly called out, big eyes gazing softly up at the other. Arms opened for her, hands waved gesturing for her to lay in them. She patted her chest as if giving wordless permission for her to lie down once more with her. When Lorna shook her head and refused to budge even an inch, Nicky sighed and tilted her head. "Come here, please," she repeated, her stare only growing sharper. Arms remained open, waiting for Lorna to finally fall into them. It was rather obvious how much the girl needed her affection even if she tried to refuse it. "Lay back down. Come on; you're exhausted, sweetheart. You need to sleep. You can't talk because you're so worn out. Please come here. Come lay with me, kid. We'll talk about everything tomorrow at your appointment when you've had sleep."
Guilt rose each time Nicky spoke so lovingly to her. The tears fell without being able to be stopped and Lorna looked down in defeat of herself. Why did she have to be so damn weak? So damn Lorna? Why couldn't she be like Nicky or even that tater-tot girl from that stupid party? Anyone was better than herself, she thought. She swallowed down the hundreds of questions running amuck and lifted her back up to return the older teen's stare. "I – there's – I, there's, my mind—it won't stop. My, my chest—I can't, it all hurts. It hurts, Nicky. I don't know what to do. What, what do I do, Nicky?" Eyes peered anxiously across at her, almost begging for her to give her direction. She felt so lost, so out of control. Everything was too much. Too goddamn much.
"You wanna know what to do?" The query came out through a gentle voice.
Lorna nodded piteously.
It took several breaths from Nicky's throat before she was able to slow them back to a more natural rhythm. The pain lurking from the teary brown eyes of her lover ripped fiercely at her heart. She swallowed thickly and carefully sat up right behind Lorna. Her head leaned closer to the brunette's and she placed her lips mere centimeters from her ear. "Let me comfort you, Lorna," she lovingly spoke into the ear her mouth was hovering over, using her thumb to tuck a loose piece of hair behind it.
She took Lorna's face into her hands and cradled it directly in front of her own. Looking her softly, affectionately, over as she stroked fingertips along the outline of her cheek. "You've been suffering through everything on your own for way too long, kid. It's time you let yourself be taken care of and comforted the way you deserve. I promise laying down with me will be much better for ya than just sitting here in silent misery. I know that's what you're used to doing but we need to change that, yeah? Come on, babe, let's get back under the blankets and snuggled up like we were."
The offer was tempting. Oh hell was it tempting. There wasn't anything else Lorna craved more in that moment than to lay in bed with her girlfriend, snuggled in each other's arms. The one place where she felt the utmost love and compassion, the securest of safety. And if it weren't for the intense amount of guilt or the nonstop self-loathing, Lorna would have given in without a single ounce of hesitation. However, despite Nicky's encouraging words, she knew she wasn't deserving of any such affection. She wasn't good enough to deserve it. She was damaged property. Damaged goods that should be discarded upon receival.
A long breath was drawn in through her mouth. Despite the obsessive overthinking and desire to appease her self-hating part, Lorna was too drained to not resist any longer. She let herself gradually lay back into Nicky's patiently awaiting arms and naturally felt her head nuzzling its way in the crook of her neck. Her eyes closed shut and a sigh expelled out. "I—you're my safe place," the words muttered softly into the flesh of the neck her face was cuddled against.
Nicky wrapped one arm around Lorna's waist and the other around her head, holding it tenderly onto her chest and neck. She felt her heart slightly bust from the comment that had just been uttered to her. Fingers raked softly, repetitively, through Lorna's thick dark waves of hair while she stroked her lips on the top of her head. "You will always be safe here with me, Lorna. Forever and always. I love you so much. All I want is to protect you; to take care of you, baby. I just wish you would let me more."
Swallowing the gathered amount of saliva at the very bottom of her tongue, the brunette scooted herself even closer to the girl beneath her and gently placed her lips on the nape of her neck. Tears now sat at the edge of her eyelids, threatening to spill out at any given moment. She held them in for a few minutes before they were too much and poured out without even a warning. Her hands held lovingly around each cheek of Nicky's, palms caressing slowly up and down them. As their eyes melded into one, Lorna couldn't resist the emotions that whirled through her. Nicky truly was the most angelic person she'd ever met.
"And I just wish ya didn't worry all the time or stress so much because a me, hon," her voice murmured softly, breathing trickling onto the face of her lover underneath her. Because of their current positioning, their mouths were only mere inches from touching making their breaths easily sensible to each teen. Both were left feeling warm from the trickling breath. Lorna moved her mouth a few spots to the left just enough to collide it with Nicky's in a soft, gentle, peck.
"Babe," Nicky murmured back, lips still hovering on Lorna's. Her hand cradled around the back of her head while her big brown eyes peered affectionately into those of her girlfriend's. The closeness was craved vivaciously by her body; she brought Lorna's face as close to her own as she possibly could and let her lips lightly reconnect with hers. Once they fell apart, she sighed and moved one of her hands over to cup around a porcelain-toned cheek.
The longer her eyes lingered on Lorna's the faster her heart thumped. A few strands of brown hair fell over the flesh of her forehead and Nicky quickly stroked them away with her thumb. "I only worry and stress because you mean so much to me, doll. I don't ever want there to be a chance of losing you. Look, kid, I ain't one a those cheesy romantics like," she poked her thumb lovingly on the skin of the middle of Lorna's forehead with a light-hearted smirk on her face, "well like you are. But I'd be a liar if I said there wasn't this insanely intense feeling I have about you. Because there is. I don't really know what to call it but I just know if anything ever happened to you, Lorna, I'd have a real hard time going on with my life."
The tears that had already formed only continued to run down the length of both of her cheeks. How did she ever do anything to be so lucky to have an angel like Nicky as her girlfriend? Though everything else in her life was going to shit right now, Nicky was the shining light at the end of the deeply dark tunnel she currently felt trapped in. Despite her sense of inadequacy, Lorna was overly grateful that somehow she was graced with a girlfriend as loving and warm-hearted as Nicky.
With a hand framed lovingly around one of the older girl's cheeks, Lorna peered intensely into her eyes. Her face slowly inched closer until their foreheads were touching. Lips were next to glide together, gradually and sweetly. Lorna released the kiss before it had the potential to heat up into anything more. However, she retained her gentle grasp on Nicky's cheek along with the stare. "Ya mean like soulmate kinda feelings, Nicky? Cause I got real strong feelings for you, too. Like real real strong." Her voice low, yet warm against Nicky's ear as an index finger was used to delicately curl around a strand of red hair.
Closing her eyes for a second, Nicky couldn't resist the soothing sensation that washed over her from Lorna's soft touches and gentle voice. Lorna truly was the only girl who had the capability of making her feel like a puddle of mush. Who could take her tough exterior and morph it into something rather compassionate. Something softer, gentler. No other girl or even person would ever be able to do what Lorna had. She felt her lips slightly curve upward into a smile.
She opened her eyes and returned Lorna's gaze with a soft one of her own while also covering a hand over the one resting against the flesh of her cheek. "I mean I never believed in all that soulmate shit," Nicky revealed, tucking a piece of Lorna's brown hair behind her ear. She never did even ponder the idea of whether or not soulmates were real. Never cared to wonder if she had one or would even have the chance to meet hers. However, now with Lorna, something in her shifted a bit. Now she did ponder on whether soulmates existed. Whether Lorna was possibly her soulmate.
Lips pressed affectionately over the corner of Lorna's forehead. "But I mean, I don't know now," she murmured, mouth still slightly resting over the same spot. "You make me feel things that the other girls I dated never did. Maybe there are such a thing as soulmates—you're obviously mine if they are real, kid. I love you so much I can't even really explain it. It's so intense the love I have for you, Lorna."
The disclosure instantly reignited the tears to rush down from Lorna's eyes once again. She smiled through them and threw her arms securely around Nicky's shoulders. Face nuzzling up into the crook of her neck as she brushed warm kisses all along. "Well, I've always known soulmates are real. And I used to think mine was gonna be some stupid prince charming—back when I was a dumb kid—but ya know when we met and stuff and I just…I felt safe with ya since the first time we talked. I don't—I couldn't see myself being with anyone else. I love you, hon. I know ya gotta be my soulmate. Course' Franny would say I'm too young and naïve to say that but I don't care. I know. I know you're mine. I just hope you don't think I sound crazy and weird saying all this now."
Nicky did the only thing she felt was right at the time and inched her face closer until her lips pressed onto Lorna's. Hers glided gently over the lips of her girlfriend's, continuing the movement for several glorious moments before finally releasing the kiss. "I don't think you sound crazy or weird," her voice huskily assured, both hands cradled around either side of her face. Eyes peered softly down at her; fingers lightly stroking around the area her hands were resting against. "I think you're the sweetest person to ever exist. And I just I love ya so fucking much, Lorna. So so much. Now I hope you understand better why I tend to be so harsh when it comes to what you're going through, yeah? It's just because I don't want to ever have to face losing you."
"I—I understand. I wanna be more open with you, hon, but it's not easy. I just—it really takes a lot outta me and I hate it. But I'll try harder to be honest about things. I hate making you feel worried all the time because I don't want anything to happen to you either."
Lips curved downward into a small frown. Nicky pressed one final kiss to the brunette's lips and then gently placed her head back into the crook of her neck, brushing her hands repetitively through her brown waves. "Baby, I know. I know it's exhausting for you, I'm sorry for being so rough on you about it. I shouldn't be. Obviously it doesn't help any when I get frustrated with you and I shouldn't be getting frustrated with you for things ya have no control over, I know that. I guess we'll just have to see what Dr. Poussey has to say tomorrow, yeah?" She let her chin press against the top of Lorna's head while reaching for the comforter to wrap around the pair of them.
Nodding her head gradually against where it lied tucked under the redhead's chin, Lorna nuzzled closer and tightened her arms around her shoulders. A yawn naturally expelling through her mouth. "Dr. Poussey?" She couldn't resist the laugh that came out through her larynx; her head lifted slightly so that she could stare into Nicky's eyes, eyebrows arched curiously.
Nicky mirrored her expression with arched brows of her own, though she gave them a faint waggle. The yawn, however, had not gone unnoticed. She took that as her que to take Lorna's head in her hands once more and placed it right back on her chest, combing her fingers soothingly through her dark hair. "Well, ya said she doesn't like being called Dr. Washington so why not Dr. Poussey, ay?" The giggle she received in response only aided in her arms tightening around Lorna's waist, naturally pulling her closer in the process. Lips dropped a tender kiss to the top of her head. "Okay, I think it's really time we both get to sleep. I'd seen ya yawn earlier, doll, you're clearly exhausted." She pressed a few more kisses to Lorna's head and then nestled the top of her chin onto it. "Goodnight, kid. I love you so so much."
The two were picked up by Franny early the next morning, after quickly throwing themselves together with random clothes and taming their hair with a rapid little brush through. By the time they made it into the parking lot of Lorna's therapists' building, the sun had fully ascended into the sky. Its bright rays of light beaming piercingly on all of them as they made their way from the car to the inside of the facility. It wasn't long until Lorna was called out of the waiting room to the office of her therapist. She turned slightly, looking at both her older sister and Nicky. Hesitation on whether she should allow both or even only one of them to accompany her. The want was there but the fear of what happened the last time repeating itself had been sufficient to halt her.
Poussey, who'd stood halfway between the archway and the waiting room portion, watched the silent battle for a few seconds before deciding on intervening. "Come on, Lorna, why don't the two of us just go back for now and if in a bit you want either of your girlfriend or sister to join us I can have my assistant bring them down? Does that sound good to you?" The query came easily out of her when she realized it was mentally proving to be a challenge for the young girl to make on her own.
She waited until she saw Lorna's head nod in acknowledgment to turn and start leading the two of them back to her office. The walk wasn't more than a couple of minutes. And once they were both inside, she grabbed the knob of the door to pull it shut.
A friendly smile formed on her face when she got back to her desk, sitting down on the leather chair. Her hand gestured over to the adjacent two-seater sofa after she'd noticed Lorna hadn't yet sat down. "Go ahead and have a seat," she gently commanded, pulling out Lorna's chart and the notepad from her last appointment. The second she heard the slight squeaking of the chair was at what time Dr. Washington looked up from the paperwork she had spread out on her desk.
"It's good to see you again, Lorna," she stated, grabbing her coffee which had been sitting on a coaster in front of all the paperwork since she'd come in a half an hour earlier. After taking a few good sips of the lukewarm liquid, her eyes were fixed on her client once more. Her fingers tapped lightly along the handle of the cup she held. "How have things been for you? I know the last time we met it got a little overwhelming for you with both your sister and girlfriend here. Huh?"
Brown eyes instantly found their way onto the traveler's cup in her therapist's hand. Longing for the very liquid contained within its constraints. She opened her mouth and swallowed, wishing it was coffee she had swallowed rather than the air which surrounded the two of them. A few eerily quiet minutes went by before Lorna finally shifted her eyes back on Poussey. Who hadn't stopped looking at her since they sat down. She tried to purse her lips into a smile but was too drained from the early wake up to fully be able to.
"I—is there any way I could have a coffee? Do ya have instant packs or anything?" Dark eyebrows curved ponderously over her eyes as she held her gaze on the woman across from her. Her shoulders bounced upward in a shrug, "Nicky slept over last night and we were up kinda late chatting. Probably not a good idea cause' ya know we got school today but I can sacrifice sleep for her so it's no big deal to me."
The smile on Doctor Washington's face had not faltered; she gave a small nod as a response to the young teen's inquiry and grabbed a container of ground Folger's from a shelf on the side of her desk. It was carefully set down on the surface so that she could retrieve her mini coffee maker from its usual spot on another shelf on the opposite side of the other one. Only a few minutes it took for her to prepare the pot with water and ground coffee. While it brewed, she looked back across the room at Lorna. "Would fresh coffee from a pot suffice for you?"
Lorna nodded quite enthusiastically, a genuine smile easily melding onto her face. Nothing put her in a better mood than coffee—well, maybe, Nicky did but coffee was up there right behind her. "Yes, please. I didn't think ya had all that but fresh coffee is much better than instant. Thank you, Dr. Washing—"
"You can call me Poussey, remember?"
A small nod was given and Poussey mirrored the gesture with one of her own. The coffee stopped dripping into the vessel alerting her it was finished so she grabbed a disposable cup from the pile she had and poured a decent volume of liquid into it. Her head turned enough for her stare to return onto Lorna, "How do you take your coffee? Plain or cream and sugar?"
"Erm, I usually put cream and Splenda. Do ya got Splenda instead of sugar?" She furrowed an eyebrow thoughtfully, fidgeting very faintly in her seat.
Quirking an eyebrow, Poussey expelled out a breath and searched through a few drawers until she came across the very packet of what her client had been requesting of. However, before she released it into the eagerly awaiting hands of the brunette teen, she narrowed her eyes suspiciously on her. Giving a stern look over as she tried to decipher the reasoning behind the question. "Is there a reason you're so particular about using Splenda over regular sugar?"
Lorna bowed her head so that her eyes were no longer seeing the firm ones of her psychologist looking back. The staring made the uneasiness even fiercer, something she hadn't particularly cared for at that point in time. She already felt incredibly anxious and uncomfortable; she certainly didn't need to feel any worse over something she had simple control over.
Her shoulders recoiled up in a shrug and she shifted her eyes onto the tips of her shoes—focusing on how the black of the faux leather on the boots scuffed slightly at the top, most likely from the snow during the winter she presumed. A hand instinctively went up to her head and she used it to push back her hair out of an attempt to calm her nerves. "Splenda tastes better. My mom always had it in her coffee and I just—I like to do what she did, I guess. Is that bad?" She asked, finally returning her stare onto the older woman.
The smile from earlier returning to her face, Dr. Washington shook her head and kindly gave the two yellow packets of sweetener to the girl. She reached for her own coffee and took a long sip. "Did you and your mom get along well?"
Scrunching her face at the query, Lorna quickly emptied the packets into her coffee and then folded her arms defensively over her chest. She sure didn't remember ever mentioning her mother's death to her therapist, she thought rather bitterly. "Why are ya askin' like my mom's suddenly gone or somethin'? Course' me and my mom get along. I love my mom," the words spewed rapidly from her mouth. Anger gradually started to come to the surface. Her hand gripped tightly around the sleeve of her coffee cup, too angry to sip it just yet.
"Well, I email with your school counselor, Lorna. Remember? That's how I plan out your treatment and how to best help you. I do that for all of my younger patients still in school."
Lorna bit down on her tongue, trying to keep the anger from coming out. Yet, the idea of Mrs. Mendoza and Dr. Washington talking about her without her even knowing left a trail of unnerving goosebumps on her skin. It gave her a highly uneasy sensation, she didn't like it. Didn't feel right about it. Was that normal for people to do in the profession? Eyebrows curved over her eyes with wonder. "What does that mean? That doesn't answer my question. You asked if me and my mom got along as if we don't anymore. I don't understand," she cried out, legs fidgeting against the plastic of the chair she set atop of.
"It means Mrs. Mendoza and I have been communicating about you and what you are dealing with right now," the psychologist calmly informed her, watching over the behavior she displayed rather closely. She drew in a deep breath and rummaged through the notepad in front of her, glancing sporadically down at the notes she'd written on it—notes not just from the previous sessions but also from the emails with the school counselor. The sound of the other's legs shifting back and forth hadn't gone by without perception from her ears.
"Isn't that against the law or something?" Lorna placed her untouched cup of coffee down on the table in front of her seat before folding her arms bitterly over her chest once more.
Poussey slightly mirrored her client's position, crossing one leg over the other as well as crossing her arms over her chest. Of course in a manner that was much less defensive and more of a stern gesture—a gesture that showed Lorna she wasn't here to dance around anything. She eyed the coffee cup her client had just placed on the table for a second, then returned her stare onto the teen. "No, Mrs. Mendoza and I work together on many teenage clients who have gone to the same high school you do. We have to collaborate so we can help you the best way possible. But Lorna, you have to help us help you, yeah?"
"Well, what if I don't fucking want help or to be helped? Do I not get a say?"
Holding up both of her hands, the therapist waved them cautiously in Lorna's line of view. Easily taking observation on the escalating frustration in her voice and expressed on her face. "Have you ever heard of the saying that sometimes you might not want something but that something you don't want is what will benefit you in the future?"
Lorna only shook her head and formed an impatient scowl on her face. "Sounds like a saying ya just made up right now," she shrugged her shoulders while moving her eyes to stare at a random spot on the wall to the right of Doctor Washington's head.
An instinctive chuckle came from her throat at the young teen's comment. However, she quickly nudged it away and became serious yet again. Brown eyes peering over her patient sharply. Despite the scowl and the anger, it was obvious the girl was troubled with something deeper. That much Poussey was able to acknowledge without effort. She sighed. "We have a lot of things that need discussed today, Lorna. Why don't we start with what happened to your mom, okay? I need you to tell me the truth. I know she's not away on a business trip or anything like that. What actually happened to her?"
Chapter Text
Chapter Sixty-Three
Suddenly, Lorna's enthusiasm to have her therapy appointment today—Wednesday, the chant she repeated in a muttered tone over and over in her girlfriend's kitchen two nights ago—had vanished. Maybe it wasn't technically a sudden change, she realized soon after. Maybe it was slower than she thought but just felt like a rapid metamorphosis. Maybe now that she was being faced with the truth or the knowledge that her therapist had now been aware of the reality of her current circumstances and there was no more spinning around the facts she felt an intense strength of overstimulation which caused her past enthusiasm to morph into a deep bout of loathing. A loathing for having to finally face it all head-on.
Her fingers poked and prodded against the cotton of the sweats that covered over her thighs and legs. She swallowed a rather large volume of saliva which had pooled beneath the very tip of her tongue, bouncing one leg nervously underneath the hands she rested on top of. A deep breath was inhaled through her nose and she finally looked back up at the therapist. The therapist who easily returned her stare with quite a concentrated amount of compassion oozing from her eyes.
"It's hard to talk about, yeah?" Dr. Washington broke the silence with a softly asked query. She retained her gaze on the girl across from her, feeling her chest tighten a smidge to observe the blatant discomfort coming from her. Her eyes averted onto the still untouched coffee sitting on a coaster on the table directly in front of the sofa and gestured a hand between Lorna's face and the cup. "Why don't you have a sip of your coffee? I don't have another patient until this afternoon so you can take all the time you need to gather your thoughts."
"Can, can I have Nicky here? Please, I-I need her. She—I want her here, please," the words came through between sniffles that Lorna hadn't even anticipated in coming out. She felt herself very faintly convulsing each time a sniffle forced its way from her throat. Regardless, she abided by Poussey's suggestion and reached for her paper cup of coffee. It was brought slowly up to her quivering lips and a drawn out sip was taken. The liquid wasn't as hot as when she first took hold of the cup but still had a decent warmth to it. Enough to soothe her raw and dry throat.
A fervent nod of head was given in response to her client's request. Poussey quickly pushed herself out of her seat and walked towards the door that opened back out to the hallway. However, before even opening it, she turned to peer at Lorna once more. A pang growing inside of her chest to see how apparent the young girl was currently struggling as she sat sniffling and restless on the cushion of the sofa. "You sure can—I'll go let my assistant know to bring her down here. Just sit there and relax with your coffee, okay? Please don't try to run away while I'm gone. I know it's tempting to wanna run away from the truth but that won't help you heal. It sucks but it's just the reality," she said with a sigh. After she saw Lorna's head nod in acknowledgement, she quickly went to do what she'd advised her of.
Only a matter of seconds had passed before the door was creaking open to reveal Dr. Washington entering right back through. Her journey to her desk, though, was swiftly halted when her eyes caught sight of the current mental state Lorna happened to be in. Instead of going to sit behind her desk as she had previously done, she walked over to the sofa and sat in the spot beside the distraught teen. She placed a comforting hand on the top of one of her shoulders, peering attentively into her eyes.
"What's going on in your mind right now? What are you thinking about that's upsetting you so much, Lorna?"
Coming up with a proper sentence to respond with seemed mere impossible for Lorna. She could hardly catch her breath let alone form words. The only thing on her mind was whether she would survive the appointment without losing every last one of her lung cells from all the damn crying and sniffling she'd been unable to stop from occurring. "Nnnicky," was what fumbled from her mouth, slightly muffled by the sobs that accompanied it. Her eyes shifted violently over to the door. "I want Nicky, please."
Nodding understandingly, Poussey gave another gentle pat to her shoulder in the hopes of bringing her some form of comfort while they waited for Nicky's arrival. The pang in her chest had gradually gotten stronger the more she observed the young teen's behavior. "I know. She's coming, don't worry. But in the meantime, can you talk to me about what you're feeling right now? You probably should have had tea instead of coffee. The caffeine will only make your anxiety worse. Which it might have already done that now, clearly."
"What I feel?" Lorna repeated once the sobbing had settled somewhat. Eyebrows scrunched up in a way that portrayed she found the question to be rather incomprehensible.
"Yes, Lorna, what are you feeling? Don't you understand the question or are you just not sure what it is you're feeling? Either is okay, just talk to me. Please. I'm here to help you. Just like your counselor at school is. We both are just here because we want to help you."
Eyes squeezed tightly shut. Lorna opened her mouth and noisily sucked a deep breath of air in. Her eyes reopened just in time for them to catch sight of Nicky's finally coming through the still unfastened door of the office. Relief washed over her to see Nicky walking over to both she and her therapist; she chewed down on her lower lip and pushed herself out of the seat so that she could meet Nicky halfway—too needy for a hug to wait for her to sit down.
Seeing Lorna coming towards her, Nicky eagerly obliged and threw her arms tightly around her waist. Pulling her as close as she could possibly have her. It didn't take too long for her to notice the faint tremor going through Lorna's body and such a realization only had her arms strengthen around the waist they already grasped around. "I'm here now, kid," she assured, lips brushing against one of her ears as a thumb curled a strand of her hair behind it. "Everything's okay. Come on, let's sit back down and talk with Dr. Poussey."
Nicky gently maneuvered them back towards the sofa she had seen Lorna sitting on right before she came in the room and once she had sat down on it, she settled Lorna onto her lap while letting a hand comb soothingly through her dark waves of hair.
"Hmm, Doctor Poussey?" The therapist commented, eyebrows arched thoughtfully above her eyes that were busy gazing between the two teenagers who now sat opposite of her. She nodded her head after a few minutes and pursed a small smile to her face. "I think I'm on board with that. It's better than Dr. Washington. It's good to see you again, Nicky. Very kind of you to be here in support of your girlfriend."
"Always. I'll always be here to support Lorna. I love her," the older of the two teens sternly stated, inadvertently tightening her hold on the girl on her lap. She rested her chin on the top of Lorna's head and peered over at the therapist. Her shoulders gave a slight forward movement, a highly muted shrug. "Well, Lorna said Dr. Washington makes ya feel old so I thought Dr. Poussey would be good? Didn't ya have to go to med school and shit for a while so ya could do this? Might as well get use of the Doctor, yeah?"
The comment was quick to get a light-hearted laugh out of the dark-haired therapist. Her head nodded in agreement with it. She would never be able to forget all the sleepless nights she spent throughout her time in medical school; many, many sleepless nights and long days spent studying and working and taking multitudes of different tests. A hand was brought up to the rim of her forehead and she used it to gently rake through the fuzz of dark hair spilling from her scalp. "I sure did. Many, many, years of school to be a therapist—it was exhausting but worth it. I like your logic, Nicky, you're right. I might as well get use of my doctorate degree and at least be called Dr. Poussey," another joking chuckle came from her throat. She shook her head slightly. "Nah, you two don't have to call me Dr. Poussey. Just Poussey is fine."
Nicky curved an eyebrow, "But what if I want to call you Doctor Poussey?"
"Well, if you want to then go ahead. But I don't mind either way, Nicky."
The redhead nodded her answer and then quickly shifted her focus right back onto her girlfriend. Or rather her faintly blubbering girlfriend. She could effortlessly feel the shaking of her body which naturally molded a solemn frown to her face. Arms gradually released from the waist they'd seconds ago wrapped around so that her hands could cradle around each one of Lorna's cheeks. Their eyes poured into one another and it broke Nicky's heart to see the agony that Lorna so desperately tried to shove away.
A thumb traced delicately from the temple of Lorna's forehead to the bottom of her jawline. "What's wrong, kid? Why ya so shaky?" Nicky cautiously interrogated, continuing the soothing motion from temple to jawline.
On the other side of the sofa, Poussey watched the interaction without uttering a peep. It was a sight she hadn't witnessed before in her several years of social work. The innate ability Nicky had to instantly calm Lorna just by being near her was a bit baffling but also quite heartwarming. Poussey always had a wonder if love happened to have some superhuman abilities like it clearly appeared to have between her client and her client's girlfriend right now in front of her. She stifled the smile she felt trying to form and retained her silence, observing the two attentively.
When a couple of minutes passed and it was obvious to Nicky that Lorna wasn't going to say anything, she sighed and peered over her head at the therapist. "Why's Lorna so upset? Did she actually talk about real shit—I mean stuff?" She only hoped her inference was correct—it would be an absolute miracle if her girlfriend was crying from discussing any of the events of the last few days. Something Nicky knew all too well was too good to be true. Lorna avoided the reality of her situation at all costs. As if it were the plague and even mentioning a miniscule detail about it would magically cause the entire world to crumble around them.
"I asked her to tell me what happened to her mom. What really happened. I believe that's what triggered this reaction—she had asked if you could be here with her when she talks about it and well, now, here we are," Poussey gestured her hand between them all and pushed her hands against her lap to hoist her from the sofa. "Can I get you anything to drink while Lorna collects herself? I have water, tea, coffee?"
"Coffee would be nice, thanks," Nicky nodded concurrently with the words she spoke. Her hands brought Lorna's face closer to her own and she leaned in just enough to have a better angle to press her lips directly over the flesh of the other's temple. A sigh came out of her to hear of the reason for her girlfriend's present distress. It made perfect sense, she calculated, Lorna's mom was a very fresh and sore subject. It wasn't overtly surprising that even only being questioned about her would cause such a prominent response.
Not much time had gone by before Poussey was handing a fresh cup of coffee over to Nicky. Her eyes averted onto Lorna, after, and she felt a bit of relief to see the girl was—at least—no longer shaking in a violent manner. She decided on situating herself back in her desk chair, crossing one leg over the other, and peered down at the many papers sprawled across the surface of the desk. Head nodding periodically as she read through the notes she'd previously taken.
To break the silence, once she'd finished reviewing her notes, Dr. Washington sat up straighter and cleared her throat a little louder than was called for. She observed the behavior of the other two, watching as they both turned their heads in her direction. "Are you ready to talk now, Lorna?" Eyes watched closely and when she'd seen the brunette's head reluctantly give a nod, Poussey did the same along with clasping her hands together. "I'm glad to hear that—well, in this case, see that would be more appropriate to say, huh?"
Lorna only nodded again, taking her cup once more off of the coaster it sat on and brought it to her mouth for a long-desired sip.
On the other side of her, however, Nicky had to stifle a chuckle from escaping at the light-hearted comment made by the psychologist. She mirrored her girlfriend's actions with a sip of her own coffee.
"Why don't you start by explaining what happened to your mom?"
Two quite puzzled eyebrows curved over identically puzzled brown eyes. Of course the question was simple and had a simple response but yet, as she sat there, staring wide-eyed at her therapist, Lorna felt increasingly tongue-tied. She could feel the gushing volume of her own saliva forming near the tip of her tongue and swallowed it down rather harshly. Hands fidgeted atop her lap, trying to keep her nerves from showing too much. However, the topic of her mother always had the capability of shutting her down and twisting every last one of her organs on the inside.
Since she sat directly beside her, Nicky could easily sense the building tension by the microscopic movements of the feet of the sofa. The sensation had her eyes shift onto Lorna, taking notice of how her legs kept twisting and turning against the floor. A sigh forced its way out and she placed a hand over both of Lorna's which were rather aggressively fidgeting against her tremoring thighs. "It's okay, kid. You can tell her the truth. She's here to listen and help you. But you gotta be honest. Ya can't keep shoving your problems under the rug, yeah?" She lightly brushed the tips of her fingers along the cold knuckles of her girlfriend's hand.
Poussey nodded in agreement with her client's girlfriend's statement. She gave a small smile to her before focusing her attention back on the highly distressed Lorna. "You have a smart girlfriend, Lorna. And she's right, the more you push away at the issues you're facing the harder and longer it will be for you to move past them. I know it's not the easiest to talk about it; nobody ever wants to talk about painful events in their lives but the only way you'll ever truly be able to heal and get past it all is to start to discuss it. You don't have to do it all at once, Lorna, you can take little steps. But you have to start somewhere."
Giving a tiny, grateful, smile to the therapist, Nicky lifted both of Lorna's shaky hands in hers and brought them up to place atop where heart resided within. She patted the top of each one with the palms of her own hands. "That's exactly what I've been tryna to tell Lorna since we first started talking," she told Dr. Washington, eyes shifted back onto her. Air exhaled deeply through her larynx causing her shoulders to slightly bounce forward in the process.
Tilting her head in interest of hearing more, the dark haired woman grabbed her cup of coffee and sipped it a couple of times before setting it back down. After which she folded her hands in her lap, eyes glancing momentarily between the two teens until they finally fixated on the younger one. "How long have you two known each other? I don't believe you've disclosed that to me, Lorna, at least I can't recall," Poussey queried, eyebrows ponderously arched above her brown eyes.
"I'm bad at math but I think it's been six or seven months," the brunette muttered, eyes squinting down on her lap as she mentally counted back to when she and Nicky officially began talk to each other. Her head nodded unconfidently and she lifted it up to look beside her at Nicky for clarification on the matter. "Is that right, Nicky?" She furrowed a brow at her to emphasis the question.
Nicky bobbed her head up and down while bringing one of the hands she grasped up to her lips for a warm, soothing, kiss. "That's right, doll. I'm not good at math either but it was last September we met so that's like seven-ish months," her voice affectionately confirmed the younger girl's initial response.
"Hmm," Doctor Washington hummed an acknowledgement to the conversation.
She swallowed another sip of coffee which she'd taken while the girls were figuring out the logistics of what she'd asked and let her eyes peer straight in between the pair, not really focused on either one of them. Mind too busy trying to understand what that meant for Lorna. Seven months she had known Nicky and seven months, at the bare minimum, that she had to have been drowning in her own hidden darkness. She drew in a sharp breath of air, shaking her head at the thought. It was something as a human she could never completely understand, however, as a thoroughly trained psychologist it made total sense to her.
Finally regaining control of her thoughts and feelings, Poussey returned her attention onto the young girls occupying the sofa adjacent to her desk. A firm gaze was given to the brunette. "Seven months? That's a long time, huh? And, Nicky, you said since the beginning you've been trying to get Lorna to open up about things? So, you think she's been bottling it all up for at least the seven months you've been with her, yes?"
"Oh, god, yeah. I know she has. I remember cornering her in one a the bathroom's at school like a week after we met because she was literally in the middle of a breakdown. At minimum it's been seven months but probably more. Lorna doesn't like facing anything that's caused her any amount of pain," Nicky informed her with a solemn shake of her head.
Immediately after she finished speaking she felt Lorna's hand turn limp in her own, causing her head to snap so fast to the other side she was just thankful she hadn't decapitated herself. Eyes peered over the smaller girl in a fierce concern; she easily noted how pale her face had gotten—ghostly pale as if someone had flipped a switch and drained out every last ounce of color from her. Without another thought, Nicky released her hands from Lorna's and moved them to frame around each side of her mere translucent face. "Are you okay, doll? You look like ya seen a ghost."
"Erm," Lorna mumbled, the sound of her girlfriend's voice finally bringing her from her short-lived daze. She shuddered slightly and averted her eyes to stare right into the soft ones looking her intently over. "I, uh, I'm just chilly is all. Sorry. I just got a random cold feeling in my hand but I'm okay now."
The response naturally had Nicky moving her hands from her face and instead encircling her arms warmly around her waist, pulling her closer so that Lorna's head automatically fell to rest on her shoulder. The second her arms came in contact with Lorna's body, Nicky felt herself shiver from the chilly sensation that seemed rather prominent throughout. An uneasiness slowly crept to the surface. She didn't like how cold Lorna felt against her—an alarmingly cold feeling, different than the normal kind she observed.
Her head lifted up from where it previously positioned, in the little bubble of just her and Lorna, and she gave an apprehensive stare across the desk at her girlfriend's therapist. She swallowed a hefty volume of saliva before opening her mouth to speak, "Can you, can you come here Dr. Poussey? Lorna's really cold and it doesn't—it doesn't feel right to me. I feel like I'm hugging an ice cube right now."
Poussey was taken somewhat aback by the franticness seeping through Nicky's voice—it seemed rather out of place for her but she abided by the request in a swift manner. In just a matter of seconds she was sitting on the sofa beside the teens with a somber expression displayed upon her face. She looked firmly across at Lorna, refraining from doing anything until receiving her permission. "Lorna, is it okay if I put my hand on your forehead? To check to see how cold you are?"
Lorna bit down on her lower lip, unsure of what either of them were trying to get at, but nodded her head anyway. Mostly out of not wanting an argument to ensue. She deterred her eyes away from both Nicky and her therapist, letting them gaze out into the abyss. An emptiness trickling out.
Having her client's consent, Doctor Washington proceeded to very cautiously as well as in the gentlest of touches placed the palm of her head against the flesh of Lorna's forehead. It took only seconds for her to flinch from the extreme ice-box-like sensation, which Nicky had described it as, such contact with her hand had. She quickly retracted her hand from it and narrowed her eyes worriedly on the brunette teen. "Nicky's right," her voice started off, tilting her head at the very person she just said the name of, "You feel awfully cold, Lorna. And you do seem very pale today. Paler than the last two times I've seen you."
A breath was slowly drawn in, eyes holding firmly onto their gaze on the youngest teen. Arms gradually folded over her chest. "I think right now is a good time to bring up some concerns your school counselor has emailed me about. Let's talk about your eating habits, Lorna. You're not eating, are you? That would explain why you're so cold and pale. Your body is so clearly lacking vital nutrients," the words spewed rapidly from Poussey's mouth, lines creased on her forehead from the emotions inflecting through her tone.
"I eat just fine. I'm cold because it's real cold in here. I don't know why Mrs. Mendoza is so worried, I told her I eat. What more does she want from me? You can email her back and confirm that I'm fine and I eat. I'm like real healthy. Get off my case," Lorna huffed out; her voice progressively getting more and more bitter with each word she spoke.
"Lorna, just telling her or me that you eat doesn't mean it's the truth. Mrs. Mendoza isn't stupid, honey, and neither am I. It's not hard for us to see how malnourished you are. Healthy? You think you're healthy?"
The brunette nodded profoundly, now crossing her arms defensively over her chest. "I know I'm healthy."
Quirking an eyebrow, Poussey peered wide-eyed at her. Disbelief at the words spilling from her mouth. She pushed her own feelings and emotions aside and swallowed deeply. "Okay, then, I'd like you to have some blood work done. That'll confirm whether you're healthy or not. If the results are good, Mrs. Mendoza and I will not hound you as much over the food issue. But if even one result is off, you and I will need to talk about all of this even further. Does that sound like a plan, Lorna?"
Nicky shook her head rapidly at the suggestion. Peering fiercely between the two of them. "Why the hell does she need a blood test just to prove what we all already know? Waiting for her to get it done and the results that'll just fucking give her more time to do whatever it is she's already doing and not telling us. She'll be worse off than she already is. Lorna needs help now, Dr. Poussey—look at her, she's barely able to sit without shaking from how cold she is. Because she's fucking starving."
"Hey, let's not yell please," the therapist firmly called out to the intensifying angry Nicky, holding out a hand and carefully waving it in her direction. She sighed while staring the redhead over, who was blatantly frustrated and fatigued from her girlfriend's incessant pleas of being fine no doubt. But her office was supposed to be a calming place free of shouting and screaming unless done by her client herself.
Shoulders expanded upward as a second deep breath of air expelled through her lungs. "It's okay for you to feel upset and agitated, Nicky, but getting worked up like this won't do any good for you or for Lorna." She watched as Nicky gave a harsh, resistive, nod to acknowledge her words and felt a frown take shape on her face. Eyes shifted onto Lorna for a second, observing the light shaking of her entire body, the deathly pale coloring of her skin, and the tears which now leaked from her eyes. "Lorna, tell me what you're feeling right now. Physically feeling, because you don't look well. At all. I'm about ready to call an ambulance because you look like you're about to pass out."
The voices in the room had suddenly become muffled and sounded far away as if they were all in some tunnel or another and she was on one side while her girlfriend and therapist were on the other. Lorna squinted her eyes in a way that she somehow hoped would assist her in understanding what had been spoken to her but really it didn't do anything of the sort. Except exaggerate her already fuzzy vision. She lifted a hand towards her cheek and wrapped around it her palm, looking perplexingly ahead at her psychologist. Still unsure of what she was saying.
Motioning a hand slowly in front of her face, Poussey's concern only grew stronger. "Lorna, can you hear me? I need you to respond, please. What are you feeling? You look very ill right now; do you feel unwell?"
"Trapped." Lorna's eyes squeezed shut after her muttered response, which she wasn't entirely sure if it made sense to whatever question Dr. Washington was asking of her, however, she was too nauseated and chilly to really care much. When she reopened her eyes a minute later, the blurriness was even worse and she swore the room was spinning in circles around her.
Nicky watched the whole conversation in agony, she felt rather helpless just sitting there. Which only fueled the anger inside of her but as her eyes peered Lorna over, seeing her in the current state she was in, she couldn't allow the anger to get the best of her. She swallowed thickly down and grabbed onto one of her hands. It felt even colder than the last time she held it. Such an observation had her lower lip sucking inwards under her top one. Her mouth opened to speak but she couldn't form the right words to do so. Eyes ever-so-slightly averted onto the therapist leaning over the cushion beside them.
"I-I shouldn't have gotten so mad—I think I broke her," the words spilled frantically, shakily even, from Nicky's mouth as she used her free hand to point in Lorna's direction.
Poussey gave her an intense stare along with a rather stern shake of her head. "You didn't brake her, Nicky. And it's not bad that you got mad, you're allowed to feel that way. I can tell the madness and frustration you're experiencing is only from a place of compassion for your girlfriend." She retained her stare on Nicky, easily seeing the hysteria oozing from her eyes. The sight of both young teens made her heart constrict quite significantly. "You know it's okay for you to cry, too, right Nicky? And share how you're feeling. I'm here to listen and help the both of you."
"I'll cry later, right now I just want you to get Lorna help. Please, she's not okay. Please get her to talk because she won't talk to me about things and look what it's doing to her. Look. She can't function," Nicky desperately cried out, her hand tightening around the brunette's. "And her hand is so damn cold, why? Why is she so cold, Dr. Poussey? I don't understand. I didn't know humans could feel this cold."
Placing a hand on the top of Nicky's shoulder, she gave it a soothing squeeze and a breath of air made its way up out of her throat. "I'm gonna help her, don't worry. That's what I'm here for. Why don't you drink some of your coffee while I take a good look at Lorna, yeah?" She waited until the redhead very meekly nodded her head before she did anything else. Her hand gave a final, gentle, squeeze to Nicky's shoulder and then she released it altogether. "Lorna's cold because she's under nourished. Her body needs nutrients from food to heat up but clearly she isn't getting enough and that's the reason her skin is so cold to the touch."
While Nicky abided by her request of sipping on her cup of coffee, Poussey moved her attention onto Lorna. She took the quivering teen's head into her hands and looked directly into her eyes. "Can you hear me?"
It took a couple of minutes but Lorna's ears finally picked up on the words coming from her therapist's mouth and gradually bobbed her head up and down. She still felt rather sick to her stomach and dizzy to verbally respond but moved her hand slightly to show Doctor Washington that she wasn't in a daze any longer.
A relieving nod was given by Poussey to see Lorna was at least able to communicate with them. She let each of her thumbs softly stroke around the two cheeks her hands were framed around and felt a shiver venture down her spine from the coldness seeping through her skin. "When was the last time you ate food, Lorna? I need you to be honest with me, okay? This is a safe place, you don't have to be afraid to tell the truth. I won't judge you but I do need an honest answer."
"I-I ate yesterday. Dinner with the Chapmans, Nicky was there. Nicky, I ate—tell her please." Lorna turned her head to peer at the redhead, neediness coming from her eyes. Neediness for everyone to get off her back and leave her alone. But yet seeing the pain in Nicky's eyes once she'd returned the stare only brought forth a bout of guilt.
Poussey averted her eyes onto Nicky, arching her eyebrows in wonder. "Were you with her?"
Setting her cup of half-full coffee back on the coaster it had previously rested on, Nicky looked between the two of them before fixating her eyes mostly on Lorna. Giving a soft, compassionate, gaze into her eyes. Her head shook at Lorna's pleading. "Babe, you mighta had a sliver of salad on your plate but I watched the whole time and you never even took a bite. I love you, Lorna, and I'm right here for you always but I'm not going to lie for you. Not when it comes to your well-being, to your health. I'm not enabling you. I don't know exactly what you're doing but I will do my damnedest to not allow any of it to continue."
Lorna bit down on her tongue and crossed her arms over her chest. "But, but I ate the salad. You got up to go to the bathroom when I finished it, Nicky."
"Yeah that's real convenient, huh kid? How can I refute that when I wasn't there to see, yeah?"
"Hey, ladies. Let's not argue," Poussey calmly interjected, twisting her head around to peer sternly across at Nicky. She wagged a knowing hand at the girl. Though her demeanor remained stern, she felt for the older teen. It certainly couldn't be a walk in the park for her to watch her girlfriend spiral downward and not know how to stop it. How to help. Of course that had to be weighing on her, she thoughtfully concluded. "I know you just want to help her, Nicky, but getting angry and upset isn't gonna do any good. Lorna needs to be reassured that she has support. Even if she's not at a point where she's willing to talk about it."
Sucking in a deep breath, Nicky grinded her teeth together. Frustration, exasperation, rage—all dominant emotions overpowering her as she sat there on the sofa. Balls of her feet kicking at the floor they rested atop of. She shook her head incessantly, peering right into the therapist's eyes. "When is she gonna be at a point where she's willing to face reality, though? I-I don't know if I can just keep sitting here waiting. Lorna is the love of my life, I refuse to sit and watch helplessly as she fucking starves herself to death." A light bulb went off immediately after she said that and her eyes widened as they shifted onto Lorna, "That's why you're doing this to yourself, isn't it? You, Lorna, do ya—do ya want to end up dead?" She spoke softer now, looking fiercely into the eyes of her girlfriend.
Want to end up dead? The query looped echoingly through her mind. It wasn't something she hadn't pondered over before, she acknowledged that much. Death meant she'd have the chance to see her mom again. But death also meant Nicky and Franny would be left to grieve for her and that wasn't anything she wanted to be the cause of. They already dealt with a lot because of her, she wasn't going to selfishly cause any more. A sigh expelled and she meekly returned Nicky's gaze. "I'm sorry, Nicky. I know I'm too much to deal with. I understand if ya need to leave—"
"Don't even finish that sentence, Lorna," Nicky rapidly interrupted. "There's a part of you that wants me to leave huh? So you can continue to suffer in silence all by yourself? Well, I'm not giving into that shit. I'm not gonna fucking leave you and let you end up dead from starving every last cell in your body of any amount of energy. I love you too much to let that happen. Why can't ya see how good you are, kid? I don't get it. Why do you have to do this to yourself?"
Overwhelmed, the thought popped in her head. She was overwhelmed—incredibly overwhelmed. Nicky's comments spun through her mind and she wasn't sure if they were true or not. Was there some part of her that secretly desired the pain she was causing herself? She shook her head.
"This is too much," Lorna said, shaking her head and forcing herself away from the both of them. "It's too much. All too much." The words repeated in a near chant-like fashion. She edged her way to the very tip of the sofa and pushed herself up with her hands smashing into the cushion. However, the second she stood up from the cushion her vision became hazier and hazier. The voices became more and more muffled until everything around her went silent and dark.
Chapter 65
Notes:
Wow, I am truly shocked at the amount of kudos this story has gotten in only the past few days. Thank you so much to everyone who's reading it and found it decent enough to leave a kudos, I can't express enough how much that means to me. I'm beyond appreciative of anyone who takes the time out of their day to read this little story of mine, it just warms my heart so much. I whole-heartedly love writing this story and I'm determined to complete it.
Chapter Text
Chapter Sixty-Four
Monitors beeping and curtains moving from one side to the other were what caught eleven-year-old Lorna's attention the most as she sat up on the gurney her mother had previously helped her onto the minute a nurse brought them back to the ER department. Lorna squinted her eyes and cupped her hands around them as if they were binoculars, trying to see what was going on outside the sliver of hole between the two curtains which separated her room from the rest. Not much could be seen other than a few sneakers making their way past, and from what she could tell, a rather brisk walk.
She frowned and folded her arms across her heart. Displeased with her current surroundings and rather puzzled as to why her mother insisted on taking her to a hospital. Her head shook distastefully, eyes shifting away from the hole between the two curtains and now focusing on the brown ones of her mom. "Why are we here? I'm not sick or hurt, I don't understand why ya dragged me here, mom," she pointed out in a matter-of-fact tone. Legs now dangling from the edge of the bed which she'd scooted herself to over the past few minutes.
Mrs. Morello instantly caught sight of her trying to remove herself from the bed and quickly acted—standing up from the chair she'd been perched on and walking over to the foot of the bed, scooping the rather small preteen into her arms. She carried her back to the other side, gently laying her onto the mattress once more while covering her with the white sheet that was folded down. "Lorna, hon, you need to be checked by a doctor. Remember? We talked about this. I told ya I was gonna take ya to the ER to have you thoroughly looked at. You just stay put, no tryna run away," her voice pleaded, keeping a hand gently over the top of one of her shoulders.
"But why? I'm fine."
However, as she pondered on her mother's words, she felt her eyes significantly widen. A thick swallow and head shake later, Lorna pushed away Mrs. Morello's hand and crouched all the way at the corner of the gurney. She peered at the woman with resentment in her eyes; hurt and disbelief that she would bring her here after she promised Lorna she'd never judge her for the touching incident. That she wasn't disgusted with her or mad at her for it happening. All of that, Lorna now realized, was a lie. A sick, cold, cruel lie. Why else would her mom bring her to the ER if she didn't presently think she was mental? That she made up the entire incident of her demented uncle's behavior. Of course that was the reason she and her mom and an aloof Franny were all sitting in the sterile room waiting for a doctor to confirm Mrs. Morello's suspicions.
Lorna gripped knuckle-paling tightly onto the railing of the gurney her back had presently rested against. "You, you think I'm crazy—that's why ya made me come here. I-I shoulda never told ya about the family reunion and Uncle George. I knew ya wouldn't believe me. He warned me that you would think I'm crazy for telling you and he-he was right," the words started to fumble together once her emotions caught up to her midway through. Tears didn't hesitate to spill from her eyes. She should have listened to her uncle and kept her damn mouth shut. He warned her something like this would happen and clearly he was correct. She gripped tighter on the bed rail, squeezing her eyes shut to halt the tears but to no avail.
"Lorna," Stansie softly called out, moving from her chair a second time and settling herself on the mattress beside her distressed daughter. Her heart felt heavy to absorb the revelation the young girl made; she swallowed uneasily and without a thought encircled her arms securely around Lorna's petite body. "Oh Lorna," she repeated, following it with a tender kiss on the top of her head. A sigh came through her larynx while she cradled her youngest child close to her heart.
Hands combed soothingly through dark brown waves. "My Lorna sweet, that is not even remotely why I brought ya here. I don't think you're crazy; I don't not believe you. I believe ya with my whole heart. I want a doctor to look ya over to make sure that evil uncle of yours didn't hurt you in any permanent ways. I also want ya to talk to a psychiatrist while we're here, hon, because I see you're still not eating a lot. I'm worried about you."
"I don't want a doctor looking at me, mom. You told me no one is allowed to look there."
"I know, baby, and I still mean that. But I'll be here to make sure the doctor doesn't do anything other than check to make sure ya don't got no injuries, okay? We gotta make sure you're not real hurt down there, Lorn, that's why we're here in the hospital. It's safe here. No one will hurt you down there, I promise," Mrs. Morello warmly reassured the young child whom she still cradled in her arms. Lips brushed soothingly atop her head of brown wavy hair. She felt her heart sink at the sensation of Lorna's faint body tremors.
Head shaking quite harshly at the thought of a doctor—presumably a male doctor—looking and possibly even prodding at her private region made her want to throw up right then and there. She couldn't handle a second bout of genital mutilation from another human. Her face lifted from where it previously had been tucked beneath her mother's chin and she stared frantically into Mrs. Morello's eyes. Fingers gripping tightly onto the collar of the shirt around her neck. "What if the doctor's a man? He'll hurt me if he looks down there, mom. I don't want a man doctor looking at my private area. Please mom, please can we go home?"
Taking Lorna's face into her hands, Stansie gazed softly into her eyes and stroked the tips of her fingers along the flesh her hands were resting on. "I'll make sure the doctor is a woman, okay? But, my Lorn, I promise ya not all men are sick like your uncle George is okay? You don't have to be afraid. Your Uncle George is just a nasty person and there are a lot of nasty people in this world. Not all nasty people are men. I just don't want you to be scared at every man ya see, you know? Because it's not normal for anyone to do what he did to you, hon. Normal people don't do that. This is why I think you should talk to someone, honey, it'll help ya."
After a third kiss was soothingly given to her daughter's head, Stansie carefully laid her back onto the bed and tucked the blanket warmly around each side of her. She stood up off the spot she'd been sitting on and started to make her way to her chair from earlier when a sudden wooziness took control of her entire body and without warning she collapsed onto the hard tiled-floor.
Lorna felt her heart-rate instantly start racing and scooted her way to the edge but was halted by her older sister's hand grabbing at her shoulder.
The older brunette peered her over with compassion-filled eyes and carefully used the hand she grasped onto her shoulder with to gently push her right back to where she'd previously been laying. "Don't move, Lorn. I already called out to the nurses, I saw a real weird look in mom's eyes right before she got up. You just lay there. You and I ain't gonna be able to do any good for mom."
Briefly their conversation was interrupted by a few medical personnel entering the room and hurriedly making their way to the passed out Stansie on the floor. They quickly picked her up and did their best to walk her out of the room. One of the female nurses turned towards the daughters and gestured a hand at them, "We'll get your mom taken care of and have some blood work done to see what caused this. I'll be back to update you girls."
Once Lorna and Franny were left alone, Lorna peered wide-eyed across at her. "I-I did that to her, didn't I Fran? I made her faint because I'm so gross…mom hates me, I'm a bad daughta," she cried out, getting more and more hysterical with each second that passed—each word she spoke out.
Franny shook her head, tucking the blanket around her once more the same way she'd observed their mother do only moments before the fainting incident. She ran a hand soothingly through her younger sister's dark waves and leaned down to press a comforting kiss against the flesh of her forehead. "Stop that talk, hon. It's not your fault what happened to mom. The nurse said they'll take some blood and see what the results are," her voice firmly assured the young child, a thumb tucking a loose strand of hair behind one of her ears.
"You're not gross. Mom doesn't think that at all. What happened to ya isn't your fault, do you know that?"
Her eyes peered softly down at the small child, who clearly appeared drained and exhausted. Tears running nonstop down her pale cheeks. She sighed and gave another kiss to her forehead before bringing the sheet up to right below her neck. Satisfied with the placement, Franny sat down in the chair beside the gurney—the same one Mrs. Morello had sat upon—and scooted closer so that she could easily hold one of Lorna's hands in her own.
"Close your eyes, Lorn. You're hysterical and exhausted. Ya need to sleep. Mom and Mikey and me—none a us think you're gross because of what our messed up uncle did to ya, okay? We all love you, hon. The only one who's gross is Uncle George. Now, please, please try to nap. Me and mom know ya ain't been sleeping real good, hon, not since the incident. But this in here is a safe place for ya to sleep, I promise. And I'll be sitting here holding your hand the whole time; I won't let anyone touch ya. Just close your eyes and nap, sweetheart."
The sound of a monitor loudly beeping was the first thing Lorna heard upon regaining awareness. Her mouth felt dry and scratchy and the more she swallowed the worse the sensation got. Eyes squinted, once she'd open them, from the brightness emanating through the room. She turned her head from side to side trying to make sense of her current surroundings. Clearly, she acknowledged mentally, she wasn't in her therapists office anymore. She looked down at her hand and took note of the tape covered IV tube that inserted through a vein inside it. Such a sight baffled her; she lifted her head back up and looked around until her hazy vision caught a glimpse of a familiar silhouette hovering over her.
As soon as Nicky saw her girlfriend's eyes pop open, she frisked her way to her bedside. Lovingly reaching one of her hands down to cup around one of Lorna's. Thumb stroked soothingly over each and every knuckle that split up her fingers from her hand. While she continued the affectionate motion, she peered softly down at the younger teen with her head slightly tilted. "How're ya feeling, babe? You gave me and Dr. Poussey a real scare," she huskily questioned and bent her head down to brush a warm kiss atop one of her temples.
"I'm—I'm sorry, honey," Lorna muttered in a rasped voice from how intensely dry her throat happened to be. She shakily lifted her other hand to frame delicately around one of Nicky's cheeks. Eyes returning her gaze with the utmost compassion and warmth. It tightened a knot in her chest to see the hidden pain in her girlfriend's big precious eyes. She swallowed thickly, drawing tender circles around the flesh of her cheek.
Being apologized to caused her breathing to hitch. Nicky inhaled slowly and deeply before making any movements or saying any other words. Once her lungs filled back up with sufficient air, she cautiously sat down on the edge of the mattress and properly took Lorna's face into her hands. She rested her forehead over the brunette's turning her hand so that her knuckles were very gradually caressing against her pale fleshed cheeks. "You don't need to be sorry, baby. Just tell me how you're feeling now, can ya? Are you any less disoriented?"
Lorna swallowed and the scratchy sensation remained. She sighed defeatedly and shook her head.
"Maybe a nap might help, yeah?" Nicky caressed her knuckles up and down the length of Lorna's cheek, pecking her temple over and over with warm, soft, kisses. Her free arm leisurely wrapped around the brunette's waist which naturally brought her closer to her body and her mouth moved over to rest atop the rim of her ear, "I'll cuddle you, and maybe that'll lull ya back to sleep. You need all the sleep you can get, beautiful. I know for a fact you're not taking care of yourself. You're too busy hurting yourself. I'm not judging you for that, sweetheart, I'm just saying that's what you're more focused on. Do I understand it? Not at all but I'm here to love you and support you, okay? I won't support your self-destructive behaviors but I'll support you with all my love and all of the warmest cuddles I can possibly give ya, doll. You need to be cuddled."
The next time Lorna awoke from her slumber, only an hour afterwards, her brain felt a lot less murky than it previously was. Her vision was almost normal and the dizzy sensation she once had been plagued with long ceased. A soft warmth could be felt coming from underneath her head and when she averted her eyes towards it, she quickly realized the feeling was her girlfriend's chest slowly rising up and down beneath her. She couldn't resist the smile that innately formed from her lips curving upwards. Her hands reached up to frame around Nicky's cheeks.
"Oh, doll, you're awake," Nicky murmured the second their eyes met from Lorna's movements. She used the knuckles of her hand to lovingly push strands of hair out of the other's eyes. "Do ya feel better? Ya had us all so worried, kid."
Lorna brushed the tips of her fingers softly around the flesh of the cheek her hand rested atop and sighed. A neutral sigh. She squinted her eyes at the sound of a monitor beeping and took that as her queue to finally take a look at her surroundings. The beeping, her eyes concluded, came from a heart monitor that connected to her body through a tangle of wires. She bit down uneasily on the side of her mouth and turned her focus away onto the rest of the room. When had she been brought to a hospital? The last thing she remembered was sitting in Doctor Washington's office in the outpatient therapy clinic.
"I'm okay. Confused but okay," she softly assured the older teen, bending down to peck a loving kiss onto her forehead. Her eyes peered puzzlingly into Nicky's, rather unsure of how or why she got to the place she currently happened to be. The more she thought about it the more she had no understanding of how this even occurred. "Why, uh, why am I in the hospital, hon? I don't even know how I got here—weren't we at my therapy appointment?"
"You passed out in my office, Lorna. And you were alarmingly pale to begin with."
Noticing the voice to be different than Nicky's, Lorna swiftly turned her head in direction of where it appeared to come from. When her eyes came in contact with her therapist sitting in a chair, across the room, right beside Franny, the confusion rapidly grew even stronger. Eyebrows arched ponderously over both of her eyes, "I don't really remember passing out. I just know you and Nicky were talking and everything felt real suffocating to me. I just, I don't…it was all too much and it's my fault because I asked for Nicky to be there with me. And, and I did want her to be there but it's just—it really overwhelms me to-to open up around her or anyone, honestly. I just wanna live in a bubble where everything is happy and good."
The latter comment made Nicky reach a hand up to her mouth to keep herself from letting out a chuckle. That couldn't be a truer statement, she thought. At least Lorna was able to admit what they all already knew about her. She didn't want to face hard facts—she kept denying everything because it provided her with that bubble-like feeling, Nicky finally connected the dots. Now she had a better understanding of why Lorna did the things she did—not because she wanted to hurt people, of course Nicky already knew that much, but because she didn't want to feel the pain. A breath of air made its way through her windpipe as she curled a loose piece of hair behind Lorna's ear.
"I'm proud of you for being honest, doll. The rest of us already knew that about ya," she stated in a voice which was only loud enough for the younger teen's ears to hear. Her lips found their way to the crown of Lorna's head and pressed down on it in a warm kiss.
An uncomfortable swallow was taken part in by Lorna. She lifted up slightly, staring down at the other with an incomprehensible expression melded on her face. "Knew what? That I'm a crazy person?"
The sudden change in her demeanor instantly caused Nicky to grow concerned. Her arms tightened around Lorna's waist, gently pulling her back to the spot she'd previously been laying. Another couple of warm kisses were placed atop her head; fingers raked delicately through the dark brown strands of her hair. "I didn't say that, babe," she softly started off, bringing her fingers back up to the top of her head and gently allowing them to massage into her scalp. "I just meant that we all know ya wanna live in a bubble where everything is always peachy and dandy. And honestly, kid, I can't blame ya for that. With everything you've gone through it's understandable ya would rather pretend all is good than be forced to mentally relive all the horrific events, yeah?"
Immediately upon hearing her girlfriend's response Lorna regretted the small outburst she displayed only a few moments prior. She swallowed thickly while nodding her head and reframing her hands around Nicky's soft cheeks, brushing fingertips up and down each one. "Sorry, I didn't meana jump down your throat. I just—I'm still kinda confused and stuff…I feel like I need more coffee or something," her voice murmured in a volume that matched Nicky's.
Hearing Lorna's comment about coffee naturally made Poussey's head shake. The last thing that girl needed was another cup of highly caffeinated coffee. Not after she passed out in her office a few hours ago from—more than likely—lack of food and way too much consumption of caffeine. She held up a hand and waved it in the air to gain the attention of her client. "No, coffee is not what you need. You feel cloudy and confused because you need to eat, Lorna. You are not taking in sufficient calories to keep you from feeling that way."
Nodding in agreement with what the therapist had informed her girlfriend of, Nicky peered sharply into Lorna's eyes and let a finger draw a tender circle around the flesh of her cheek. It was rather easy for her to observe the resistance seeping from the other's brown ones. And innately the realization formed a hefty knot in the pit of her stomach. She couldn't even begin to comprehend what it was like to feel so apprehensive over only hearing someone suggest the notion of consuming food. Nor did she ever want to experience how that might feel.
Lorna bit down on her tongue to keep herself from responding in a snarky manner like she felt the need to do. Despite the want to do so, she knew nothing good would come if she followed through. All it would do was cause tension that really hadn't need to be there, she told herself. Her shoulders lifted up in a slight shrug and a big breath puffed out of her mouth. She settled on not acknowledging the comment altogether after pondering on the matter a few minutes longer.
Instead, she shifted her focus onto her sister who hadn't uttered a word or even moved since she'd been awake she noted. Eyebrows arched thoughtfully atop her brown eyes. "Is, uh, is this the same hospital dad's in, Fran?" The query came through a faintly shaky tone of voice, followed by the slight widening of her eyes. A hard swallow. She rubbed the palms of her hands together uneasily as she waited for a response.
"Huh?" Franny nearly choked the word out, eyebrows furrowing. Her mind had been preoccupied with the fact that her fifteen year old sister was harboring at the brink of possibly suffering from anorexia among everything else they were dealing with. She still struggled to wrap her mind around that—how even she had been oblivious to the signs, she shook her head in shame of herself. It was her job as the older sister to be there and look after Lorna the best she could and she failed her—over and over again.
Watching her closely, Lorna couldn't entirely make out the expression on the older brunette's face. She exhaled strongly while using her hand which hadn't been stroking Nicky's face to mess about with the thick threaded white blanket that covered over her body. "Is this the same hospital dad's in?" Her voice repeated the question a little louder than the first time.
Franny sucked in her bottom lip and gave a curt nod. Not that it mattered, she thought, there wasn't any way she'd allow Mr. Morello near them especially not Lorna. She felt a breath of air escape quite profusely from her lungs and decided to get up out of the chair she'd been sitting on the past couple of hours. Legs cramped from the extended period of inactivity, she instinctively found herself pacing around the room. "Yeah but ya ain't gotta worry about that, hon. It's not like he knows you're here and even if he did, there ain't no way he can find us in the condition he is," she firmly assured the younger girl, though she wasn't sure if she wasn't also trying to assure herself of that.
"Your father's here in this hospital?" Doctor Washington asked with a curved eyebrow as she peered between the sisters. Receiving two nods as confirmation to her inquiry, she switched the position of her legs and nodded herself. "Do you wanna talk about why that is, Lorna? Is this recent that he's in here?"
Lorna squinted her eyes at the therapist unsure of why she was interrogating over the matter. "I—didn't we talk about that the last time we were in your office? Nicky and Franny were there and it was right after my dad… after he ran around the front yard a the house tryna scare me and Nicky with his gun? I remember tellin' you about that or maybe it was Nicky but-but one a us told ya," she held up a hand and recoiled her shoulders in a muted shrug.
"Oh, god, you're right, the two of you did mention the incident to me. I'm sorry, Lorna, I don't know how I forgot. I'm assuming your dad ended up shooting himself instead of either of you, is that why he's in here?"
"No big deal. No, he got a bad liver from all the drinking he did. He might die and—and if dies, it's my fault," Lorna sniffled, shutting her eyes and retracting her other hand from her girlfriend's cheek.
The revelation only brought a troubling expression to Poussey's face. Her eyebrows scrunched up above two squinted eyes which peered the young teen over in concern; she shook her head, not knowing what she possibly could be referring to by saying such a comment. "How is that your fault, Lorna? Your father clearly drank a substance that is known to cause damage to many organs when consumed in extreme quantities in probable extreme quantities. It's no wonder he has a bad liver. You didn't cause his bad liver, why do you think that?"
"I made him drink. He drank too much because of me and now he got a real bad liver and he might die from the liver being bad and that's my fault for making him drink too much. But, but I would rather him die from a bad liver if my mom can come back."
Head shaking at the comment, Doctor Washington bit down on her tongue and reminded herself it wasn't her place to display emotions on the matter. Something she had to do often when it came to her clients and hearing all the traumas and suffering they'd all been put through. She may have been a psychologist but she was still a human. A human with emotions just like everybody else. Yet, because she was a psychologist she had to retain hers from expelling outward—at least if they were more than what would be considered subtle.
She pushed her thoughts and feelings away the best she could in order to refocus her awareness between the pair of brunette sisters. Eyes still slightly squinted as her mind tried to understand why her client was so adamant on the whole liver ordeal being her fault. "And explain to me how a teenage daughter like you could possibly have some kind of force that would make your father drink too much? You can't do that, can you?"
The silence and Lorna's head bowing down was enough confirmation for Poussey to nod her head knowingly and continue with what she was saying. "Exactly, there's no way you had any part in your father's own choice to take in so much alcohol that he's now in liver failure. So you, Lorna, you need to not be blaming yourself for that. You can't control what decisions other people choose to make in their lives, whether it's good or bad. All you can control is what you do and decide to do, right?"
"But I—he—I—" The words fumbled through her lips, she couldn't properly get them fully out. Lorna sighed and turned her head towards Franny, peering her over in a pleading manner. "Tell her…tell her, Franny," she all but begged, desperation trickling from her brown eyes. A gaping wad of saliva was thickly swallowed down.
"Tell her what? I'm not gonna sit here and lie, Lorn. Ya want me to tell her how our piece of shit fatha is tryna manipulate you into giving him a part a your damn liver? How he's usin' that to warp ya into thinking if he dies it's because a you?" Exasperation inflected heavily through her voice, the same with her blue eyes as they pierced intensely into the younger girl's.
What was disclosed to her just now Poussey could hardly believe it. Could hardly comprehend how much shit it would take before her client would crumble completely apart from the weight of every traumatic event that unrelentingly seemed to unfold around her. In the past several years of working with clients, and having seen well over one hundred different ones, Lorna had to be one of the few with the most heartrending circumstances. One of the few who never appeared to catch a break with one tragedy after the last. It was mind boggling to her how one person could suffer through so much and only have been on this planet for not more than fifteen years.
"So, wait, let me see here," Poussey said as she reemerged from her thoughts despite still being rather perturbed. A hand was held out in front of her face, ever-so-slightly moving in a circular pattern as if it would magically help her comprehend what all had just been absorbed by her ears. "Your two's father is in this same hospital with liver failure and he's asking you, Lorna, for you to donate part of yours to him? Is that right?"
Both brunettes' nodded in synchronicity.
Nodding back, Poussey hummed out a breath and repositioned her legs. She couldn't fathom how evil a person had to be to not only abuse their daughter but to then, later, ask that same abused daughter for one of her organs. Her head shook and she sensed the hairs on her arms slightly sticking up at such thought. It made her even more grateful for the father she had been graced with. A true and loving father he was, Mr. Washington.
With her throat cleared, she turned her focus back to the others in the room and sighed. "That might just be the most messed up thing I've ever heard. And I've listened to some dark shit in my six years of working in the social work field." Her head shook once more, this time rather infuriatingly. "You're not even in any shape to be donating a thing to anyone, Lorna."
The conversation was rapidly halted by the door being opened and a nurse entering through. She shifted her eyes onto the patient in the bed, "Miss Morello, your dad's out here and he'd like to see you."
Chapter Text
Chapter Sixty-Five
Franny shook her head harshly at the request, her repetitive pacing led her over to where the nurse happened to be lurking. She stood directly in front of her and peeked her eyes through the sliver of door which remained open. Though it was a challenge, when she squinted she was instantly able to make out her father's silhouette sitting in a wheelchair behind the other side of the door. The sight was repulsive to her, she swallowed uneasily and returned her stare onto the nurse. Who remained motionless in her spot, peering back with a slightly puzzled look in her eyes.
"No, that man is not allowed in this room or anywhere near my sista. Is that understood?"
Taken aback by the unexpected aggressiveness in the unfamiliar woman's tone of voice, the blonde nurse held up her hands as she cautiously backed a few feet away from her. She wasn't aware of what could be causing such a hostility between her and the father waiting in the hallway but she certainly wasn't about to do anything to encourage it. "I'm sorry, ma'am, I'm not trying to stir up an issue here. I just—Mr. Morello wanted to make sure your sister is okay, that's all. But I'll, uh, I'll just wheel him back to his room."
Scratching the back of her head, Franny felt an involuntary utterance squeal through her larynx. A breath of air forced its way out next and she shook her head spitefully. Leave it to their father to manipulate an innocent nurse into thinking he was just being a good dad checking in on his daughter, she thought with a bitter taste in her mouth. She sighed and tried her hardest to not display her distaste in front of the nurse. "Yeah, hmm, I'm sure our dad told you that. He's real good at making everyone else believe he's a caring fatha. Did he also mention he's here because he drank himself to death instead of properly taking care of Lorna? I doubt it cause' that wouldn't be good for his whole 'I'm a good daddy act'," she spoke through gritted teeth, trying to retain as much of the anger as possible.
However, once she finished speaking, she caught a glimpse of the apprehensive expression on the nurse's face and felt a bout of regret for the edginess in her voice. It wasn't as if the blonde had known anything about them, she acknowledged, this was all just a simple mistake facilitated by their master manipulator of a father. "Sure, you can just let him know his daughta is fine—no thanks to him."
"Oh—okay, I will let him know. Thank you," the skittish blonde nurse gave a nod to Franny before turning to go right back out the door she had only moments ago entered in from.
The room hadn't been left silent for much longer when the sound of Mr. Morello's shouting in the hallway pierced through the opening of the door. Not a considerable amount of time after was it that all of them witnessed a very rageful Mr. Morello pushing himself into the room and the sound of wheels squeaking against the floorboard. He wheeled himself to the edge of the bed his youngest daughter rested on and glared menacingly down at her.
"What the hell are ya doin' layin' in a public hospital bed with your dyke girlfriend? God, do ya enjoy makin' a mockery of me and our family?" He snarled, not caring that saliva fell from his mouth and landed on his daughter's arm.
Red was all Nicky saw the second her ears heard the repugnant voice of her girlfriend's father hurling taunting queries at her. Her arms tightened around Lorna's waist, pulling her closer so that her face was hidden in her chest away from the view of Mr. Morello. She lifted her face, pressing her chin gently atop the other's head, and glared daggers up at him. "She's laying here with me—not that it's any of your business but I'll humor ya—because I know how to love and protect her from sick fucks like you," she matched his ominous tone with one of her own.
Anger seethed in nearly every vein and capillary of her body. She couldn't stand being in the same room as that man for even a second. His face, alone, made her skin crawl. Her teeth clattered violently with venom. Venom that she so strongly wished she could use to kill him with. However, she refrained and used the yearning for that to pull Lorna even closer. Wanting to shield her from any and everyone who ever even had the passing thought to bring her an ounce of harm.
"Did I ask you to answer me?" His brown eyes darkened as they looked the wild-haired redhead methodically over. His rage only strengthened at her smart-aleck retortion to his questions which were meant for his daughter to answer. "You look like ya sit and snort drugs all day, huh? And now ya tryna indoctrinate my little girl to be a sick lesbian like you."
Though Nicky's hold on her was rather fierce, hearing her father's insults towards her was enough for Lorna to carefully maneuver herself out of it. However, before she made any other moves, she turned to Nicky and peered lovingly into her eyes, cupping a hand around her cheek so that she could properly peck her lips in an affectionate manner. Once she released the quick kiss, she forced herself out of the bed and steadied her balance with the pole of her IV.
Holding a hand carefully around the metal object, she walked the two steps towards her father and towered over him with a darkness oozing through her brown eyes. "I don't care if-if ya call me names or yell at me but-but ya don't—you don't have no right to insult my sweet girlfriend, Nicky. I love her. I love her so, so much and there ain't nothin' you can do to change that."
A taunting chuckle bounced its way from Mr. Morello's throat. He shook his head furiously and reached a hand up to grab rather harshly onto one of Lorna's shoulders. His grasp was so fierce that it automatically had the force to bring her closer therefore their faces were on eye level. He glared heatedly into her brown ones, desiring to smack his hand gruffly against her cheek but he kept the desire from playing out. He couldn't—not when there were other people around to witness it, he irritatingly thought.
"Ya think because I'm in this wheelchair that you have any right to speak to me that way, young lady? I'm your fatha. And if you raise that filthy mouth a yours again—"
"What are ya gonna do? You can't do nothin' because people are watchin' you," Lorna retorted back, throwing her hands up. She mirrored his cold stare, bouncing her shoulders up in a shrug. The longer her eyes lingered on her dad's the less she cared what he tried to do her. She didn't have the energy or stamina to incessantly worry and fear the abuse much more. Her brain still felt rather fuzzy from the earlier fainting incident which she remained without memory of.
Mr. Morello dug his nails as deep as he could into the clothed shoulder his hand grappled around. Every time Lorna opened her mouth his anger and fury intensified further. His longing to smack her kept on growing. He shook his head and pondered over why his late wife couldn't have just taken a morning after pill. Lorna was never supposed to even exist, he mutely growled. They were only supposed to have their daughter and son, a third was never in the plans. He would always be bitter towards the youngest Morello for ruining those.
Having seen enough, Franny marched her way over and yanked his hands from Lorna's shoulder. She shook her head madly at her father, biting down on her lower lip, before momentarily focusing on Lorna. Eyes peered lovingly, yet sternly, into her brown ones. "Get back in bed, Lorn. Ya don't need to give dad any a your time. He shouldn't even fucking be in here," her voice grew louder by the end, and her head shook a second time. She kept her stare on the smaller brunette, watching closely until she made the short, slightly unstable, walk back to the bed.
Satisfied, she shifted her eyes back onto Mr. Morello and grumbled out a boisterous breath. "Get the hell out of this room. And don't come near Lorna again—if ya do, I'll go to the police and get a restraining order. Ya don't deserve to even look at her after the stunt ya pulled."
"I'm both your fatha—the police will laugh in your face if ya do that, Francine," he pointed out in a mocking tone and easily formed a smirk upon his face. His eldest daughter's words weren't going to make him leave the room. Not at all. He didn't abide by anyone's authority but his own. Instead of wheeling himself back through the open door, he wheeled the chair forward so it lightly bumped over Franny's foot and caused her to yelp.
A chuckle escaped and he shrugged his shoulders. "Maybe ya should keep your foot outta my way, huh? God, you and your damn sista have such attitudes. Just like your damn motha did and I'm sick of it." He snapped his head back in Lorna's direction, giving her a hardened stare. Arms folded over his chest. "And don't think I didn't see ya wobble your way to that bed—ya on drugs now, too? Like your dyke girlfriend here?"
Anger boiled beneath Lorna's skin as she settled restlessly back in her bed. She brought her hands up to her temples and rubbed at them rather violently. "Can ya just leave? Please—just get out of here, dad. I don't—I don't want ya in here. I don't want to hear anymore mean things about my girlfriend coming, coming outta your evil mouth," desperation and exasperation inflected heavily through Lorna's voice. So many emotions now whirled through her that she couldn't stop herself from allowing tears to flow down her cheeks. They didn't give her a chance to stop them.
"The only evil in this room is you, Lorna. You are evil and filthy if ya fuckin' think it's okay to be a drug addicted lesbian. And I want ya to know if ya don't give me part a your liver and I die, you'll be in for a rude awakening. Ya ain't gonna be happy when ya see who your guardian will be when I die, little girl. So ya better fucking think real hard before ya make a decision," Mr. Morello hissed before finally turning the wheelchair around and wheeling himself out of the room.
Lorna grinded down on her teeth and moved her head to stare at the three others who remained in there—all looking ready to start a brawl, she noted. A sigh puffed through her mouth followed by a few prominent sniffles. She swallowed hard to muffle them but that only encouraged more to come out of her. "Can ya all leave, please? Except for Nicky. I just—I wanna be alone. With Nicky. I can't—I just can't anymore."
The older brunette sister was the first to exit, after giving a quick hug to her.
Doctor Washington got up from her chair and started walking towards the door but stopped midway to peer back at Lorna. A compassionate, concerned, expression displayed on her face as she did so. "Please take care of yourself, Lorna. You've had a rough day, you better just rest and try to eat something later, yeah?" Her eyes averted onto Nicky, an eyebrow arching upward. "You'll make sure she eats, I'm sure, right?"
"Of course, Dr. Poussey. Lorna's in good hands here with me, I promise," Nicky firmly assured, settling herself right back beside the younger teen and wrapping a protective arm around her shoulder.
Nodding attentively, the therapist couldn't help but smile at the redhead. Lorna was truly lucky to have a girlfriend so caring and supportive as Nicky, she mentally thought. "Yes, she sure is in good hands with you. Take care of yourself, too, Nicky." She returned her stare onto the brunette and opened her mouth to say one final thing, "We have a lot to unpack at our next session. I'll drop by on Friday so we can pick back up. You might be here for a little bit, Lorna. They drew your blood earlier and some results were a bit alarming. But we will discuss that when I come Friday. You just rest now."
Once it was only the two of them left, a few minutes later with the door finally being shut again, Lorna couldn't retain the sniffles and sobs any longer. They shook through her in intensifying waves. It was as though the emotions were now in control of her body and she had no ability to stop any of them. She couldn't even move herself closer to Nicky from how much she trembled and tremored with each gut-wrenching sob that tore through her body.
Instinctively, Nicky's arms engulfed around Lorna and she pulled her against her own body. Her heart felt heavy from the disheartening sight of her girlfriend's current condition. It was understandable she'd break apart after what all went down. Especially after the unexpected—and certainly unwanted—visit from her demented father. The things he said—the fucking nerve he had to even speak to Lorna in that manner—oh did all of it infuriate Nicky to no end. Oh did it make her want to slit his throat with a knife right then and there. But, of course, she wouldn't do that. Lorna needed her more than she needed to end Mr. Morello—besides, she thought, the liver would take his life soon enough.
"Shh," she murmured, cradling Lorna's head in her hands and brushing a warm kiss against her forehead. Eyes melded into the ones below hers, she caressed her thumbs slowly, softly, around the two cheeks her hands were grasping onto. "Shh," she hushed once more, continuing the soothing motion along with giving her another tender kiss. "It's all okay, now. It's just us. I've got you, baby. I've got you. Lay your head on my chest, yeah? I'll keep ya safe and warm right here."
Lorna tried to fight the tears and the god-awful, stubborn sobs that refused to let up. She tried to force a smile to her face but it wasn't working. Her body wouldn't cooperate with her no matter how much effort she put in. She complied and allowed Nicky's gentle hands to carefully place her head atop her soothingly-beating chest. Immediately upon the new position, Lorna snaked her arms tight around the older teen's neck and sniffled involuntarily against its flesh.
"You—you're good, Nicky," she whispered between sniffles, tracing a finger softly around the skin of her sternum which was visible through the neck hole of her shirt. "You're so good, my sweet Nicky. I-I'm so, so, sorry—I'm so sorry my dad said those mean, mean, things about you. None of them are true, hon."
Resting their foreheads delicately against one another, Nicky's breath hitched the same time her eyes observed every micrometer of her lover's face. Tips of her fingers caressed warmly around the flesh, up and down, right to left—any and all ways possible. "Please, please don't apologize," the words came gently through slightly moist lips from the unexpected tears dripping out of her eyes. She traced a thumb lovingly along the length of one of Lorna's cheeks. "You aren't at fault for what your dad said, okay? He's the only one who owes an apology here. Remember what Dr. Poussey said?"
Eyes closed instinctively at the tender sensation of Nicky's thumb stroking against the skin of her cheek. Lorna sucked in a large breath to halt the sniffles from continuing to escape and carefully mirrored the other's actions by cupping her own hands around her cheeks. She let her lips lightly press onto the point of Nicky's nose. "But I gotta apologize, hon, because I know he never will. He's, he's so mean. He's really mean," her voice wailed despite her efforts of trying to hold in the emotions.
Nicky swallowed uneasily and shook her head. She pressed their foreheads even further together, moving her thumb up to the flesh of Lorna's and brushing it from one side to the other. A knot could effortlessly be felt sitting in the pit of her stomach—clearly formed from how strongly her heart and chest ached for her Lorna and every last thing she'd been put through the most recent couple of weeks. None of it was fair, she bitterly thought, absolutely none of it.
A sigh harshly expelled through her windpipe as she forced herself to bring her attention back out there instead of in her mind. It tore her up inside to hear that Lorna thought she had to bare her father's burden. That acknowledgment, alone, intensified her loathing towards the man—strengthened her yearn for his impending death. She bit down on her tongue and pecked softly at Lorna's cheek. "Can you control what your dad does, though, doll?" The query was tenderly asked, hoping if she used the tactics of her girlfriend's therapist that she could possibly get her to understand why none of what he did was her fault.
The pupils within her brown irises momentarily gazed up at the ceiling upon hearing what question Nicky had asked her. Nicky caught her there, she grudgingly thought. She swallowed thickly and shifted her eyes back onto the older girl. Lips twitched slightly before fixing themselves into a somber frown. "Uh, um, well, not exactly," she stumbled on her response, looking down after she finished.
"No, doll, not just not exactly—you can't control your dad and what evil shit he decides to do. From the wise words of your therapist, ya can't control what choices other people make and that includes your father. So, again, ya don't have any obligation to be sorry on his piece of shit behalf, you got that? It's not your fault he's an evil asshole. I don't want to hear you saying sorry for anything he's done ever again, okay? Because if ya do, I'll use Dr. Poussey's words against ya, kid. I hate that you feel ya gotta take the rap for that scum of a man."
Nicky exhaled deeply once she'd finished speaking. Her eyes retained their gaze into Lorna's and she felt another pang form within her chest to observe the slight guilt emanating from them. Fingers caressed gingerly around the flesh beneath the other's eyes. Eyes that hadn't deserved to have any amount of guilt or shame in them. Any pain or anguish.
"Hmm," Lorna hummed, too drained to argue over the issue with her.
Rather, she used her hands—which still grasped lovingly around Nicky's cheeks—to carefully inch her face closer to her own. Once their faces were mere millimeters away from each other, Lorna gently pressed her lips onto Nicky's and let them glide together in a warm kiss for several minutes until deciding on pulling apart once more. Though their lips had disconnected their foreheads remained melded into one. "I could go for a coffee right now, how about you hon?" Her voice murmured breathily overtop of Nicky's ear where her mouth affectionately nibbled on the edge of.
Goosebumps involuntarily formed on the flesh of her arms. Eyelids momentarily shut from the affection being graciously bestowed upon her by Lorna. A soft puff of air exhaled through her mouth. Nicky pecked her temple and gave an approving nod to her hinted suggestion. "Coffee sounds good to me, kid. I guess we can take a little explorative trip to find where the cafeteria is, huh?" She used her thumb to lovingly tuck a strand of brown hair behind her girlfriend's ear.
Lorna nodded her head enthusiastically, tears long having dried up and now replaced with a meek smile. She gave another quick, but tender, peck onto Nicky's lips, then pulled away from the embrace so that she could get herself out of the bed. Once she was standing on the ground a couple of feet away, she turned back to peer at the older girl. "An adventure with you to find the coffee—yeah I think that's the best thing I've heard today," she lightly chuckled and motioned with her hand for Nicky to follow suit.
Quickly mimicking her actions, the older teen jumped off the bed and came up behind Lorna. However as she made her way towards the door, her eyes caught sight of the brunette being oblivious to the fact that she was attached to an IV and she rapidly acted, frisking right back to her side to grab her hand to halt her before she ended up falling or worse.
The sensation instantly caused a small flinch out of Lorna. She looked up at Nicky with scrunched eyebrows, unsure of the reasoning behind her frantic antics. Her own hand gently covered atop the one resting on her arm, "Everything okay, hon?"
"You forgot ya got an IV in your hand, didn't you? I didn't want ya to get too far away from the pole and end up falling or anything is all, doll," Nicky calmly stated, stroking her fingertips around the skin of Lorna's arm.
A laugh came out of Lorna when she realized the answer to her query was something so simple. And so dumb of her to have forgotten, she also acknowledged with a curt shake of her head. She reached her other, free, hand onto the cold, metal, pole and started making her way to the door yet again. "I guess I did forget—coffee does that to me, hon. I love coffee," she pointed out, stopping at the entrance of her room.
"You, Lorna, love coffee? Huh, I'da never guessed it," Nicky joked in response and the two shared a warm chuckle before finally exiting through the door.
By the time they made it to the cafeteria—after having asked a random nurse in one of the hallways they turned through for direction—and sat down with two steaming coffees along with two small cups of yogurt that Nicky sternly encouraged for Lorna to grab, an entire forty-five minutes had passed. Nicky placed one of the yogurts in front of Lorna right beside her coffee and gestured a firm hand at it. She made a promise to Dr. Washington she'd make sure Lorna ate and, damn it, she was going to keep to that promise.
"It's strawberry, Lorna, ya like that flavor, yeah? I've seen ya eat it at ma's house. If you don't like the flavor tell me, babe, and I'll get ya one ya like," her husky voice softly informed her, hand still pointing in its direction. She had her other hand gripped around her own cup of coffee and lifted it up to her mouth for a long sip, eyes not once faltering from Lorna's.
Heart bursting through her chest, Lorna swore she could feel it growing in size from the loving gesture her girlfriend had made for her. Despite having deep-rooted reservations about consuming the yogurt, she couldn't resist the smile that molded upon her face. Nicky didn't have to go through all that trouble just for her, she told herself, but she was always willing to and Lorna wasn't about to disappoint her. She couldn't. Nicky deserved all the good the world had to offer.
After starting with a sip of her sweetened coffee, Lorna focused her eyes down on the small foam cup of pink-colored yogurt. It didn't look bad at all. Her stomach certainly craved a bite of it, she sensed when a very faint grumble came from it. She swallowed nervously and looked back across at her girlfriend. Lips remained pursed in a smile. "I do like strawberry yogurt, hon, thank you. It looks pretty good for hospital food, huh? What kind did ya get yourself?" She asked while eyeing the foam cup sitting in front of Nicky.
A strong wave of relief came to the surface to hear such a comment escape through the younger girl's mouth. Nicky returned Lorna's smile with one of her own and copied her movements by cautiously removing the lid off the cup of yogurt sitting on the surface directly ahead of herself. She reached a hand across the table and framed it delicately around one of the other's cheeks. "I got strawberry too and I figured yogurt is one a those things ya can't really get wrong, ya know? Or I hope so anyway otherwise we'll be both be sorry," she shrugged her shoulders along with a warm laugh.
The same warm laugh innately escaped from Lorna's windpipe a second later. "If they got the yogurt wrong, then we probably shouldn't trust any a the food here, should we?" She still had yet to pick the plastic spoon up but her eyes peered into the little foam bowl. Took in the pale pink of the dairy product within its constraints. Darker shades of pink mixed in which likely were the little pieces of real strawberry, she presumed. She shakily picked up the cup and lifted it towards her nose, sniffing it precisely. An intense strawberry scent wafted through her nostrils and she gave a small bob of her head.
"Ya make a valid point there, kid," Nicky agreed.
She kept a watchful eye on the girl and her smile soon morphed into a frown to see how much anxiety such a simple task was giving her. It reignited the ache in her chest to observe the sight. Something she couldn't comprehend being so apprehensive towards food that it caused physical symptoms of actual fear—nervousness, terror. Just the thought—hell, just seeing Lorna's suffering was enough to temporarily take her breath away. How had she not noticed any of this until recently? How had they all not seen the signs of Lorna's eating habits, or lack thereof? Her mind whirled with questions. Questions she had no real answers for. Questions that might be better off being saved for Lorna's therapist, she concluded.
"Go ahead and have a bite, Lorna. It's good for ya—it'll keep ya from feeling too cold," she softly encouraged after watching her stare at it for over two silent minutes. A soothing hand reached across to cover atop Lorna's free one that rested on the surface of the table. Head tilted slightly as she peered attentively at the brunette's face. "Ya wanna talk about it, doll?"
Lorna swallowed a lump and bit into the side of her mouth. She felt pathetic for how shaky and afraid she was over a simple little cup of yogurt. Fucking yogurt. Who the hell was afraid of eating yogurt for Christ's sake? Eyes squeezed shut as she worked to build her stamina for the task. She sucked in a few deep breaths and then reopened her eyes. Her hand grabbed for the plastic spoon and she placed it inside the thick cream of pale pink yogurt.
After a slow exhalation, she moved the spoon around in the cup while fixing her eyes back onto Nicky. "Am I dumb for being kinda scared of eating this, Nicky? I mean it's just strawberry yogurt…it's fine, there's no way a hospital would give out poisonous yogurt, right?" She forced a laugh out, despite her question really only serving as a distraction from the inevitable.
Running her thumb tenderly back and forth over each one of the knuckles on Lorna's hand, Nicky frowned and shook her head fervently. "No, baby, you're not dumb at all," her voice lovingly reassured the other. She continued the tender sensation while using her other hand to frame around one of Lorna's cheeks. "You're scared because ya think they put poison in it?"
"Well, erm, I don't know—I told ya it's dumb or I'm dumb. I just—I guess I worry what is in the food I eat, I don't want it to hurt me is all."
Eyebrows curved rather puzzlingly over two matching puzzled brown eyes. "You're not dumb and neither is anything you're afraid of, ya hear me?" The words were spoken slowly and sternly to Lorna. It wasn't until she received a nod in acknowledgement that she proceeded to go on. Her hand which still rested upon the flesh of Lorna's cheek was used, palm-side down, to gently stroke small circles around the area. "What exactly about what's in the food are ya worried about, babe? It's okay to feel worried and scared but I promise you eating this yogurt is not gonna hurt ya. It'll help you; it'll help you a lot, my sweet Lorna."
An exasperated breath huffed through her throat. Lorna recoiled her shoulders and averted her eyes into the dish of yogurt once again. "I'm fine, hon, I'm not really hungry right now. Is it okay if I save this for later?" She removed the spoon from it and tapped it on the side of the cup to get the excess liquid off of it. The lid was replaced on the foam bowl as she retracted her hands down to rest on her abdomen.
Nicky swallowed down the frustration and gave a nod to the other even though she loathed the idea. She tried to remind herself that forcing Lorna to do anything she wasn't in the mindset to do would only influence her to further go down the self-destructive path she already happened to be on. "Sure, doll, we can sit here for a while and enjoy our coffees first." Her eyes followed where Lorna's hand went and a lump formed in the back of her throat to see it laying atop her gut. "Is there something wrong with your stomach, kid? Why are ya holding it like that? Are ya in pain?"
"It just is a little upset, hon, nothin' to worry about. That's why I can't eat right now, it'll just worsen the feeling," Lorna defeatedly admitted. She swallowed uncomfortably and cradled both of her hands around the coffee cup instead. Disappointment overcame her in that moment. Nicky had been beyond sweet to specifically pick her out the strawberry yogurt and here she was—as usual—not able to even have a small spoonful. No wonder her father always referred to her as un ungrateful shit; she was exactly that.
Nodding automatically, Nicky curved her head to the side so that she could get a better view of Lorna's entire figure. Moments went on while she copiously studied the smaller girl. She chewed, out of habit, on the side of her mouth and lifted a hand across to place soothingly atop Lorna's shoulder. "Babe, do ya think maybe the reason your stomach is upset might be because ya haven't eaten yet today? And this is your third cuppa coffee, you should probably slow down a little with all the caffeine," Nicky carefully approached the topic, eyes softly gazing into her girlfriend's.
Squinting her eyes, Lorna returned the gaze with one of her own. Looking at the other as if she had three heads for making such a comment towards her. To halt the rising irritation from expressing itself on her face, she lifted her cup of lukewarm liquid and brought it to her lips for a slow, savoring, sip. "I haven't eaten today because my stomach's been upset since I woke up. And, ya ain't got much room to judge me for the coffee—ya had four cups, Nicky," she pointed out with a pursed smile.
"Lorna, doll, your stomach is probably upset because ya don't eat enough. Why not just try one small little spoon of the yogurt, yeah? Please? I want you to be okay and ya gotta eat to be okay, kid."
Brown eyes fell onto the foam bowl, slightly peeking into it. She swallowed a thick bout of saliva which coated her mouth and felt a heaping sigh push through her lungs. Exhaustion heavily coursed through her; she didn't want to waste her energy getting upset and angry with Nicky when Nicky was truly only wanting to help and support her with everything. Nicky didn't deserve to experience her anger, she reminded herself.
Bobbing her head up and down in a gradual motion, Lorna took the lid back off of the bowl and stared inside of it for a few seconds. Once she felt confident enough, she grabbed for the spoon that she cautiously set in the entrapment of yogurt. A small amount of it was scooped up and nervously brought forth to her mouth. With her eyes tightly shut, she placed the spoon in her mouth and sucked down on the sweet dairy product.
Nicky watched with soft eyes, stroking her thumb soothingly around the shoulder she still rested her hand atop of. Seeing her slowly take a bite of the yogurt—albeit it being of a shaky nature—she felt hopeful that this was the first of many steps in the right direction. That this right here right now was a turning point for the both of them. She swallowed a buildup of saliva and gave Lorna's shoulder a loving squeeze. Hopefully, she thought to herself, this was a true step forward.
Chapter Text
Chapter Sixty-Six
"What do ya mean ya took Lorna to the damn ER?" Mr. Morello's voice boomed through the living room one evening—a few nights after Stansie had taken their twelve-year-old to the hospital for an examination from the family reunion incident she'd been informed of—as his hands gripped tightly onto a medical bill he fixed his eyes on. The longer they lingered on the amount displayed at the bottom of the paper the angrier he grew. He shook his head ragefully and threw the document violently in his wife's direction, who sat on the sofa rolling her eyes in disdain.
Stansie crossed a leg over her other one and lifted a hand exhaustively up to hold on her temple. Every time Joe yelled she used her hand to gently massage at the temple it was resting on top of. She felt a huge release of air come out through her windpipe. The past few years there was an ever growing tension between the pair of them. She couldn't recall a time in those years where they weren't arguing over something. It wore her down tremendously the incessant bickering and the unrelenting rage which never ceased in her husband's voice or demeanor.
Most of all, she thought, the contempt that hadn't ever faltered from his tone when he brought up anything to do with Lorna—especially in the more recent years—was what brought her the deepest of pain and exasperation. She couldn't understand what his problem was with their youngest child, their youngest child who's heart was as big as her dreams. No reason for her husband to be such a prick to her, she angrily shook her head.
Eyes glared darkly across at Joe, who situated himself on his beloved recliner with a beer by his side along with that stupid remote. Her head shook even more to observe the beer and remote lying on the end-table next to the chair, his hands both now gripping onto each one. The fucking beer and the god-damned fucking remote were all he truly cared about at this point, she realized and she wasn't allowing it anymore. She couldn't. Her stress levels were too high to continue to deal with the shit he was putting them all through.
"Why do ya gotta be angry over it? You should be showing concern for our daughta instead of sittin' there screamin' and hollerin' bout the fuckin' bill," Stansie finally yelled right back at him. Taking the bill he chucked at her and setting it on the table that separated where each of them were sitting. Both of her hands were thrown up in the air as her own bout of anger boiled underneath her skin. It felt, to her, that he didn't even care about their daughter's well-being—it was all about the fucking money with him recently.
Reaching for his bottle of half-finished beer, Mr. Morello chugged a good portion of it down before slamming it back onto the coaster and shifting his focus onto Stansie. He looked menacingly into her eyes, frustrated with her for always being so quick to defend that god-forsaken Lorna. His head shook at the thought. That little girl had his wife all wrapped up around her finger and he couldn't stand it. Clearly, there were a few screws loose in Lorna's head—yet, Stansie was too oblivious to even see it, too fucking busy trying to get him to accept Lorna's existence to realize the child was a fucking nutcase.
He clicked the lever back on the recliner so the position of the chair shifted backwards and the foot rest came forward. His eyes remained on Stansie the entire time. "Because your fuckin' waste of an ER trip cost us fucking five hundred goddamn dollas," he retorted in response, copiously waving his hand in direction of the paper lying atop the surface of the end-table. The rage continued to escalate as he mirrored his wife's gestures with his own hands being thrown up in the air and shaking about to keep her attention on him and what he was saying. "We ain't got no five hundred fucking dollas to be throwing away when there wasn't even nothin' wrong with Lorna. Aside from her mental fuckery."
Stansie clasped her hands loudly together and sharply stood up from the sofa. She grabbed the paper off the table and ripped it violently up, letting the small pieces fall onto his lap. Eyes peered down at him disgustedly, sick at the words he was perfectly okay with allowing to slip from his mouth. Her focus momentarily averted onto the merely empty beer bottle and she, without hesitation, picked it up and threw it against the wall. Though, she much rather would have enjoyed throwing the damn thing at his head instead.
"Our little girl was fucking sexually assaulted by your perverted, piece of shit, brotha and you're worried about five hundred fucking dollas? God, can ya be anymore of an asshole Joe? Where's the sympathy for Lorna? She is hurt and you don't even care," Stansie all but cried out. Tears fell from her eyes, anger morphed into a heartache. Heartache for what her husband had now become.
"Oh, really? Is that what Lorna told ya?" Joe pushed the foot rest down again and infuriatedly got up from the recliner to walk over to the short woman he now wished he'd never even met let alone married. He grabbed quite roughly onto each one of her shoulders, glaring heatedly down into her brown eyes. It hadn't gone unnoticed by him the tears leaking from the bottom of them. A smirk formed on his face to see such. "You know damn well Lorna's just makin' up lies because she hates going to the reunion. George didn't do shit to her."
Stansie yanked herself from his grasp and pushed at him rougher than what was normal for her to do. "Explain to me why she's been wettin' the bed every night since the reunion and barely fucking eating then. And why the doctor at the hospital informed me not only was she sexually molested by your demented brotha but his fucking pubic hair was found on Lorna's underwear she wore that day? Lorna wouldn't have even told me if I didn't keep prying her to," she spoke through gritted teeth, the only way she could keep herself from not strangling her husband right then and there.
"Fuck off Stansie—Lorna's only wettin' the bed cause' she fuckin chugs two big glasses a water right before she goes to bed. Ain't got nothin' to do with this bullshit story she's puttin' in your head. And you expect me to believe Lorna just happened to wear the same underwear she wore the day of the reunion—how dumb do ya think I am?"
Smacking a hand across his face, Stansie shook her head at his stupidity. The frustration wouldn't let up. She knew she shouldn't have slapped him but god the way he fucking dismissed their daughter made her want to do worse than a measly little slap. Oh how she wanted to choke the idiot out of him. She sucked in a sharp breath and did her best to control her bubbling rage. "You are an asshole, Joe, a big fucking an asshole," she hissed at him, balling her fists tightly along her sides.
"You're not just dumb, you're a jack ass. Lorna wasn't wearing the damn underwear, dumbass, I brought it with us in a fucking Ziplock. Because, unlike you, since my daughta told me about the incident, I did my research on how to help her. Maybe you should try that, huh? I just don't fucking get it, Joe. Why are you so mean to Lorna lately? Why do ya hate her so much? She's our little girl, you should be furious with your brotha for violating her not fucking callin' Lorn a liar and mental case. You should be on my side wanting to get your brotha put away for what he's done to our baby."
The last statement that was spoken was enough to reignite the rage in Mr. Morello's body. He roughly grabbed Stansie by the throat and pushed her all the way against the wall near the front door of their house. Eyes stared vengefully down into the widened brown ones of his wife. "If you even dare try to tell the police this bullshit story about my brotha, I'll kill Lorna. Ya hear me? I'll fucking kill her," he growled lowly, making sure only she could hear his words.
Gulping unnervingly, Stansie sputtered from the tightness around her neck. It was so tight that she couldn't speak. She lifted her hands up and used them to force Joe's away from her neck. After finally catching her breath, a few seconds later, she returned his stare with a maddened one of her own. She could hardly believe what she heard him just say. Surely this man in front of her was not the one she married all the years earlier. The man she married never would have threatened to harm their own children let alone murder one.
"If you even think about touchin' just one strand of her hair, I'll make sure your ass is hauled off to jail along with your brotha's." She swung her hands roughly behind her, hitting the wall in a harsh manner. Eyes held their focus on the man in front of her. A man she hardly recognized anymore. "I want a fuckin' divorce, Joe. I'm sick a you and your shit and I'm real sick a you treating my sweet Lorn like she's your own personal torture device."
"A divorce? Ya want a damn divorce, Stansie?" He angrily shouted and watched as she nodded stridently in response. The sight gained a furious shake of his head along with his hands grappling her shoulders once more, shoving her against the wall for a second time. He inched his face closer until his mouth was basically pressed onto the rim of her ear, "Ya don't want me to kill Lorna? Fine. But I'd start watching my back real close if I were you, Stansie. I'm not lettin' ya put my good brotha's name in vain and I will silence you permanently if I have to in order to keep my word."
The room was mostly dark only lit up by the screen of the television hung on the corner of the wall in her hospital room in the wee hours of the morning when Lorna was suddenly awoken by the sound of the door creaking against the hard tiled floor. She turned onto her side, yanking the cover up further, and didn't think too much of it since she was a patient in her town's local medical facility—a place deemed safe, she told herself as she rested there with her eyes barely peeping through their lids.
From which side of her body she was lying on, she had a clear view of the clock which was nailed to the wall directly in front of her. It was only half past five in the morning her eyes squinted to read the numbers. Maybe the squeaking of the door was from a nurse or wind produced by people walking up and down the halls outside of it were the statements she used to rationalize to herself with. Her sister and Nicky wouldn't be by for another few hours and she tightly held onto hope that the reasoning for her patient room door making noise was of an innocent, simple nature.
Her heart monitor that resided behind the headboard of the bed grew a little louder and faster with the beeps alerting her of what she already knew from how out of breath she was due to her vastly climbing heartrate. A sigh escaped her; she placed a hand onto her chest and tried to keep it in place as if the gesture would somehow poof her heartbeat back into a normal rhythm.
Footsteps, however, immediately alerted Lorna that her previous thought of an innocent reasoning being behind the door creaking open was vastly a wrong assumption. She pulled the covers ever-so-slightly up further to hide her face but whoever entered the room had likely already seen her. Their steps grew louder the closer they got and she felt her teeth innately clattering together from the fear rising through her. It wasn't too long until she heard the breath of the person directly in her ear and she instantly jolted up from the bed.
The second she had her eyes aimed in direction of the culprit of said breathing they came right in view of those of her father's. A lump was thickly swallowed down; she wasn't too surprised to realize the producer of the noise to be her dad. It was an inkling she had that if it wasn't a nurse coming to check on her than the person had to be Mr. Morello. Since he knew where her room was now it made sense. He, obviously, was pissed at her for the big scene she made yesterday afternoon during his unwelcome visit. Of course, she thought, of course he would come back for revenge. And what better way to do that then to wait until the early hours of the morning when no one else was there with her?
A devious smirk had effortlessly found its way onto Mr. Morello's face as he stood hovering above his youngest child. He harshly grabbed her face with his hands and held it mere inches from his own. Eyes stared heatedly down into the slightly fearful and slightly still sleep-filled ones of Lorna's. "I didn't appreciate the way ya were talkin' to me yesterday, little girl. And in fronta other people? Ya got some nerve, Lorna, some fuckin' nerve. Ya oughta be nicer since you're the one with the sick, fucked up, mind. You're warped to think being lesbian is somethin' to be proud a."
"But, but you were being mean to my girlfriend—why, why are you allowed to be an asshole to people but none a us can tell ya to stop? That's not fair," Lorna cried out, shaking her head disappointedly as she returned her father's gaze with a distasteful one of her own. She wished her stare had the capability of killing him right then and there. He didn't deserve to be alive when all he did was bring pain to the people's lives—people he was supposed to care about, to protect from the kind of hurt he instead caused them.
There came a harsh contact with her cheek. Lorna reached her hand up to rest around it, the flesh still stinging from the gruff slap Mr. Morello's hand gave to it. She swallowed thickly, eyes saddened. Saddened that he was such a cruel person. Saddened that her father who once cared about her and her older siblings now was the reason they all hurt so tremendously—physically but even more so mentally and emotionally. She could hardly remember a time where he wasn't dishing out verbal or physical attacks to her or Franny.
"What did I say about speaking to me like that, young lady?" The words spat loudly from Mr. Morello's mouth. Anger boiled beneath his skin and it innately had his hands reaching across to grab at Lorna's throat in a rather harsh manner. He let the nails of his fingers dab sharply into the surrounding flesh while peering into her eyes fiercely.
Lorna swallowed uneasily, merely unable to take in any air from her father's tight grasp—albeit it hadn't been tight enough to completely cease the inhalation of air. However, the close proximity wasn't doing much to calm her fraying nerves. Their eyes were on the same level and it wasn't hard for her to see just how furious Mr. Morello was. It oozed with ease from his eyes. "I'm just speaking," a breath of air was taken in to help bring some steadiness to her voice, "I'm, em, I'm just speaking the truth, dad. I—I won't let you bash my girlfriend. It's mean and not fair."
A taunting snicker sounded through the older man's windpipe upon hearing his daughter's meek response. He used that as encouragement to deepen the depth of his nails inside the flesh of Lorna's throat. It was deep enough to cause discomfort—and possible marks left behind afterwards—but not to take her breath away. No, he thought, he couldn't strangle her when she was the only one who had the chance to save him from his failing liver. He needed to keep her around at least until after the transplant which he wasn't going to take no for an answer.
"Not fair, huh?" He gripped tighter on her neck. "Know what else ain't fair?" He waited for Lorna to give a head shake, a rather timid one, before he went on speaking. "The fact that you have the ability to save me from dyin' and yet I hear you're refusin' to. Hm, is that right?"
The nearness that only kept seeming to get more intense brought a strong sense of uneasiness to Lorna. She tried to break out from his grasp but she felt it instantly strengthen the second she did. Her bottom lip sucked underneath her top one and she averted her eyes onto the half-open door on the other side of the room. She shook her head madly hearing her father's revelation. "No, dad, what's real not fair is you get to have the chance of a new liver when mom never did. Mom deserved that chance a million times more than you. Mom was good and nice and she never hurt me," sniffles poured through as she spoke accompanied by tears soaking her cheeks.
Frustration and heartache gradually began to overpower her. The desire to get as far away from Mr. Morello kept building up—she couldn't stand to be in the same room as him let alone have his hands and fingers pressed so roughly into the flesh of her throat and neck. But no matter how much effort or force she put into trying to break free of him she failed. He was too strong for her, she defeatedly concluded. Tears spilled almost uncontrollably from her eyes; she could barely see his face from the blurring of her own eye liquid.
That was it. That was just it. That was all it took for Mr. Morello to be unable to resist his rage any longer. Retaining his tight grip around Lorna's throat, her pulled her to the back of the room and slammed her into the wall so that her posterior collided rather painfully against it. He stared darkly down at her, still not releasing his hands from her neck. "No, your mom got what she fucking deserved. I warned the bitch not to go to the police about my brotha and she didn't listen. Now you better listen to me and give me ya liver or else you'll be moving in with good ole' Uncle George when I die. Is that what ya want, little girl? Wanna live with your favorite uncle and be his whore for the next three years?"
Lorna acted on impulse and swung her leg up to kick at her father until he had no choice but to crumble in pain from her foot colliding with his genital region. She took the time he used to yelp as her chance for an escape. Yet, right as she was about to exit through the door leading out into the hallway she felt a tight yank on her hair and stopped in her tracks.
"Nice try," Mr. Morello chuckled, grabbing onto the lobe of one of her ears and utilized it to pull her away from the door with. He brought her right back to their previous spot and shoved her against the wall once more. "Believe me, Lorna, if you don't agree to donate your liver to me, I'll find a way to make your life hell. Ya don't know what I'm capable of, little girl. Not one bit."
Their conversation was interjected swiftly right after. The sound of fast footsteps clacking atop the hard tiled floor instantly gained both of their attention. Lorna, out of relief, shifted her eyes onto the culprit while her father remained with his hands on her throat and an irritated shake of his head followed suit.
Both, however, were surprised when they realized the person behind those footsteps to be none other than Mikey Morello.
Upon seeing his one and only son standing in the doorway, Mr. Morello quickly released his hands from Lorna's neck and made his way towards Mikey. Mikey, who—once he'd gotten closer—appeared to have a highly perturbed expression sitting on his face. Mr. Morello forced a smile on his own, genuinely happy to see his son after seven months of his being away. "What're ya doing here, Mike? It's good to see ya but how'd ya know I was here?"
Mikey backed slightly away from his father, vastly unnerved after walking in on whatever the hell happened to be going on between him and Lorna. He shifted his eyes across the room on her, studying her closely. A sickness gradually settled in his stomach when he noticed how pale and meek she looked just standing there by the wall. What the hell had he missed while he was gone? He swallowed and returned his focus back on his father.
Eyebrows arched darkly atop his eyes. "I'm here because Franny called me and told me what's going on with Lorna. And speaking of Lorna, what the hell were ya doin' to her just a minute ago?"
Squinting his eyes at his son, the older and taller man threw his arms up in the air with a violent shrug of his shoulders. "What're ya talking about? I ain't done nothin' to her. I was just checking on her," he spoke through gritted teeth. But he'd be damned if his son turned against him, too. He already had enough to deal with with his daughters he certainly didn't need Mikey harping on him as well.
A scoff came through the short-haired brunet nineteen year old. He may have been away for a while but that surely didn't make him blind or stupid. Clearly something wasn't right with their father. He turned from him and carefully walked his way over to Lorna. Concern and worry and quite a bit of confusion oozing from his eyes and facial features. "Lorna, what happened between you and dad? Are you okay?" He asked in a slightly hushed voice so that only she was truly able to hear his words.
Though now that he was only a few inches away from her, he was easily able to see the faint nail marks imprinted upon the skin of her neck and throat region. The sight only intensified the sick sensation which had already begun forming at the base of his stomach. What the hell had been going on? The query ran repeatedly through his mind. What had he left his sisters to deal with? Guilt began to arise within him the more his thoughts pondered on the past several months he had spent away in the military. He felt like he'd come back to a completely different life. And maybe he did.
"Oh, uh, erm, uh nothin'. S'all good, I'm fine." Lorna pursed her lips into a smile but she didn't even believe herself. She knew it was all a lie—she wasn't okay, nothing was fine. Everything had gone to shit, again. As usual. As normal. Her life had a knack for going to shit, she thought.
Mikey shook his head disbelievingly. He could read his youngest sister like a damn book, he always could ever since they were little kids he had the ability. A sigh escaped him to realize how hard Lorna was trying to hold it together when clearly there lied faded tear stains along her merely translucent cheeks. Carefully he lifted a hand to wipe the remaining tears away with. "No, Lorna, it doesn't look all good. And ya don't like fine to me. What happened?"
The younger brunette sucked in her bottom lip and gradually turned her head to peer at their father before shifting back focus on her brother. Speaking on what actually happened seemed like a poor decision with Mr. Morello still in the room within earshot. If she said anything she knew that would only lead to him coming back another time when she was alone once more and she had not the energy for a second round of this.
Following where his sister's head had previously been pointed in direction of, he saw their father come into view and felt a lump form at the pit of his gut. He concluded she wasn't comfortable answering the queries he asked with their dad's standing in the room and sighed. That wasn't a comforting conclusion to stumble upon he thought to himself. His eyes fixed back on Lorna and a soothing hand was placed on her shoulder, "Ya want me to have dad leave? And then you can tell me what's going on?"
Despite the uncomfortably thick swallow, Lorna nodded her response. It wasn't really something she desired to do—explaining the whole situation to her brother, her brother who'd been on a base across the country for nearly eight months and had absolutely no clue about just how fucked up their father was—but she knew it wouldn't be fair to keep him in the dark. He had the right to know the truth. He was her brother, after all.
Nodding back to her, Mikey released his hand from her shoulder and walked once again towards their father. A big, deep, breath was drawn in through his mouth before he felt confident enough to say anything to the slightly taller man. Arms crossed firmly over his chest as he peered ahead into Mr. Morello's eyes—eyes that came across in a vastly meaner tone than he ever remembered witnessing. "You need to leave this room, dad. I don't know what's going on but I can see you're making Lorna uncomfortable and I don't like that. Get out."
He stood in that spot without a muscle being moved until he saw their father abide by his command and fully exit the room. After, Mikey quickly went to shut the door and then came back to where his sister was at. Still meekly standing against the wall in the far corner where he'd first seen her only fifteen minutes ago upon his initial arrival. A sigh escaped him as he took one of her shaky hands in his, giving it a comforting squeeze.
"Why don't we get ya back in bed, okay? Ya don't look real well, Lorna. And Fran didn't really give me much of an explanation on what's been happening," he gently said, carefully using his hand to guide her away from that wall and instead over to her bed.
Lorna only gave a small nod and allowed her brother to pull her along towards it. In the state she'd currently happened to be in, she even allowed him to help her get settle back against the pillows and tucked under the blankets. Her mind too consumed and focused on the words her father had spoken to her right before Mikey's entrance. Something about it didn't sound right. There had to be a darker, more twisted, meaning to what he'd told her and she was determined—yet also heavily terrified—to get to the bottom of whatever it was.
"Mikey," she finally called out once the blanket was pulled up to her shoulders and her head lie on the middle of her pillow. "Mikey?" His name repeated from her mouth, this time in a questioning tone as she reached a hand out for one of his.
Instinctively, the brother gave in to her silent request and covered her still lightly tremoring hand with his. Eyes peered down at her with a heaping volume of concern seeping from them. The longer he was in her presence the easier it was for him to realize how utterly off something was with her. It strengthened his guilt tremendously. "Yeah Lorn? What's wrong?"
More like what wasn't wrong, the thought popped into her mind. She shook it away and drew in a long breath. There was so much that needed to be said and yet she had no idea where to start or how to start, really. It was overwhelming for her to even only think about. "Mikey, I'm a lesbian. I have a girlfriend," the words spilled from her lips. She was a bit surprised that out of all the things that needed discussed that that happened to be the one which came out first.
"You're a lesbian?" Mikey repeated with a questioning eyebrow.
He recoiled his shoulders in a shrug and gave Lorna's a hand another tender squeeze. She nodded apprehensively, he observed and let his thumb stroke around her knuckles to wordlessly show his support. But then the more he thought through the disclosure the stronger his concern grew. Was that the possible reason his sister now lied meekly in this hospital bed? He swallowed uneasily at the contemplation. "Did someone hurt ya because of that? Is that why you're here? Tell me who did this to ya and I'll rearrange their damn faces."
Turning on her side, Lorna felt her heart swell at her brother's comment—he always did his best to protect her, she recalled and she couldn't be more grateful for having such a caring older brother. At least not all men in her life were sick like her father and uncle, she reminded herself. She came out of her thoughts and shook her head while returning the squeeze Mikey gave her hand with one of her own.
"No, no. No one did this to me, ya don't gotta worry," she gently assured, holding in a yawn that she felt brewing. Her hand reached up to place on her brother's cheek and she felt a strong gush of relief to have him home again. Thankful he wasn't injured or killed back at the military base. Their family suffered enough deaths, they didn't need to lose Mikey, too. "I just passed out yesterday when um when I was meeting with my therapist. I'll be okay. No big deal."
Crossing his arms over his chest, Mikey situated himself on the edge of the bed with his head tilted so that he was better able to look down at his sister. Having been on the base for as long as he had, he'd forgotten how incredibly stubborn Lorna could be. "How exactly is passing out not a big deal, Lorn? What's going on with you? What're ya seein' a therapist for? I feel like I walked into some fourth dimension or somethin'," he shifted his shoulders forward while scratching his temple with his index finger.
A large breath exhaled through Lorna's throat. Both hands were brought up to either side of her forehead and she utilized them to massage each temple. She returned her brother's stare, without issue observing how deeply confused and puzzled he appeared to look. Another breath came out of her, guilt slowly came to the surface. "I don't erm—there's too much, too much to explain and it's just real draining for me to even think about, Mikey. I'm still kinda shocked you're actually here."
Mikey gave a sad smile and gently grabbed one of her hands. His heart felt unusually heavy as he sat by her side having not the first clue as to what was happening in either of his sister's lives. He sighed and brushed a finger comfortingly around the palm of the hand he was grasping. "Okay, why don't ya just tell me why dad's here? Can ya do that?"
"He, um, he has a bad liver from drinking too much." Lorna swallowed thickly and shut her eyes for a moment. Visions of her dad's chasing she and Nicky around their front yard with the gun rapidly came flooding through the front of her mind. She dug her nails deeply into the flesh of her temples the second such memory popped up. "Dad, erm—he also, he kinda maybe tried scaring me and my girlfriend with a gun."
"A gun? What, what do ya mean dad was scaring you and your girlfriend with a gun? Lorna, was dad—did he threaten to kill you just because you're a lesbian? Are ya sure he ain't the reason you're in the hospital?"
Chapter Text
Chapter Sixty-Seven
The sun peeped in the sky through one of the windows alerting Lorna it was closer to six thirty rather than six. She shifted her eyes away from the window and brought them back onto her brother. Her brother who sat in front of her highly worried and bothered. Clearly unsure and uneasy as to how to further approach the topic or any other topic for what he'd missed out on since he'd been away. She sighed at the sight and wished there was more she could do to lessen the shear shock of everything. But she certainly wasn't the one to go to for that sort of thing; half the time she was trying to convince herself none of the events which took place were even real to begin with.
A sigh pushed its way through and she leaned further away into the pillow behind her. "He didn't say he was going to kill us but he wasn't real happy bout' it either." She tilted her head down and let her eyes take in the threaded pattern of the white blanket that covered over her body. Thumb traced around the miniscule threads as she became slightly more entranced with it the longer she stared. "Dad doesn't seem to like that I'm a lesbian and has been real mean to Nicky because a that. I can let him say things to me but when he calls her names I wanna cut his tongue out, Mikey."
Curving an eyebrow ponderously, Mikey placed a hand on his sister's knee which remained hidden underneath the blanket and gave it a comforting pat. "Is Nicky your girlfriend?" He questioned, eyes peering straight ahead at Lorna.
She nodded though her head remained in its same position so that her eyes were not looking back at him. He nodded as well, patting her knee a second time. "Well, don't worry, I wanna cut his tongue out too and worse for what cruel stunt he pulled on you. I just—I can't believe he'd do that shit. I didn't realize how much of a homophobe dad was. I'm so sorry, Lorn."
He watched Lorna closely and felt his heart sink to see her head still hung in a shameful manner. There had to be more to the story, he thought as he sat on the edge of the bed with his hand still gently held onto the young teen's knee. She didn't look right and it wasn't just because she had her face aimed away. He inhaled sharply, trying to figure out what else could be wrong but Franny really hadn't mentioned much other than it being urgent he came home for a while. She gave no hints or clues as to what might be hidden behind the urgency. And while he gazed the youngest of them over, he knew Lorna wasn't going to give much either—not without a hefty amount of prodding on his part.
Air expelled loudly from his mouth and he then cleared his throat to shake himself from his thoughts. "Where've ya been stayin' since dad's been in the hospital? With Franny yeah?"
"No, Mikey, I wish I was. But, uh, um, after—after the gun thing, Nicky called the police erm when we got back to her house," Lorna paused, slicking back her hair and sucking in a long breath.
She swallowed uneasily as her mind pondered back on that night. That night that changed everything—that more than likely was the reason for her current circumstances. No, she thought, it wasn't just more than likely that night was the entire reason she was here right now. If she'd have been more careful with Nicky—no, rather, if she would have remembered to complete whatever tasks Mr. Morello had expected of her that morning he would have never even gone upstairs to have the chance to see them being—as he deemed—lesbian together. It all boiled down to her. Everything that happened in her life was the fault of her own actions. A chain of actions with a domino like effect. She couldn't escape her own tornado of a world, she realized, no matter how hard she tried.
Mikey's hand slightly nudging her knee brought her into reality once more. Her head finally lifted up and she twisted it around so that her eyes stared across into his. "A CPS lady came to dad's house the next day and she, she dragged me away. Even though Franny told her she was going to have me move in with her but—but the damn lady wouldn't agree to it. Said somethin' bout some stupid guardianship Franny has to have or else she can't let me live with her. How dumb is that? I'm so mad. I just want life to be normal again, Mikey. Is that so bad a me to want?"
The desperation and distress in the young girl's voice did not go unnoticed by Mikey's ears. He shifted uneasily and released his grasp from her knee and instead moved his hand to carefully grab a hold of one of hers. His heart felt stiff to hear what was currently going on in her life. Making his guilt worsen by the second. Had him wondering if his decision to enlist in the military was one of the worst he ever made. He stroked his thumb soothingly over her knuckles and felt his head instinctively shake. "Child protective services got involved? Lorna, is there more going on besides the gun incident? There has to be because what I walked into in here looked to me like dad was cornering you against the wall. What's happening? I just don't understand—ya gotta tell me everything, please."
Lorna swallowed a decent amount of air and felt her foot shaking underneath the blanket against her other one. A nervous habit that had been picked up on in her earlier years. She momentarily averted her eyes away as she gathered the words to say. Or tried to at least but that proved to be quite the chore. "Can we—I'm kinda exhausted right now, Mikey. Can we talk about this later, please? I just wanna go back to sleep," she truthfully told him, casually leaning her head back to fully rest on the pillow behind it.
"Yeah, of course. Sorry I forgot how early it was—go ahead and rest, I'll go stop at Franny's place and come back with her later," he stated with a subsequent nod of his head. After giving a final squeeze to her hand, Mikey released it and pushed himself up from the bed. He was halfway to the door when he heard a slightly louder than normal sniffle come from behind where he paused his steps.
"Um, could ya—uh, could ya tell a nurse on your way out to make sure dad don't come back in here please?"
The query had both of his brows furrowing atop two vastly concerned eyes. Despite that, however, he nodded his head in a fervent manner. "I can stay while ya rest and make real sure he doesn't come back, Lorn."
Holding up a persistent hand, the brunette girl shook her head and gestured the hand towards the door. She didn't need to be watched she just needed to have piece of mind that if her dad tried to come by again he would be stopped by the medical personnel. "That's okay, just please let a nurse know if they see him to keep him from coming in here? I'll be fine on my own. But thanks, Mikey."
Half past eight in the morning was what the clock across the wall read when Lorna awoke next to the sound of her room's door being gently opened. By the gentleness of its opening, she mentally presumed it likely wasn't her father coming back to kill her. And once it fully opened, seconds later, her presumption was correct. It wasn't Mr. Morello who'd come to taunt her, rather, it was an intensely concerned Nicky who entered through the door and fastened her pace until she ended up standing by the side of her bed.
The sensation of a warm and tender hand grabbing onto her own had Lorna's head turning in direction of it. An innate smile melded onto her face to see her precious girlfriend hovering right beside her. She squeezed the hand that held onto hers with a fierceness she didn't know she was capable of until then. "Hi, hon. Are ya skipping school or just going late?" The question came easily out of her as she realized the time displayed on the clock meant that it was also halfway into the first period class.
Nicky carefully situated herself on the bed beside the smaller girl and wrapped an arm around her shoulder. How could she possibly go to school and concentrate when the love of her life was stuck in the hospital only a few hallways away from her abusive father? The thought alone made her shudder. She tightened her arm around Lorna and let a small smirk take up form on her face. "Course' I'm skippin'. Ya think I'd rather be in school than here with you?"
Her response quickly gained a light-hearted chuckle from the younger girl. She naturally rested her head onto Nicky's shoulder, allowing her body to relax in her warm, protective, embrace. The one place where she always felt the safest—the most loved, the most overwhelming amount of affection and care. "Aw, hon, ya don't wanna sit in class learning for seven hours?" Eyebrows waggled playfully above her eyes as she tilted her head slightly so that they were peering up into the older girl's.
"If I was sittin' in class I couldn't do this," she turned her head so that it was facing directly in front of Lorna's face and inched closer until their lips naturally pressed together in a soft, tender, kiss. After a few long seconds, Nicky released their lips and brought a hand up to cradle around her girlfriend's cheek. "Now could I?" She smiled when the other shook her head with a very faint squeal escaping her. The palm of her hand massaged soothingly around the flesh beneath where it was resting.
"Did ya sleep well, kid?" Her expression grew more serious and her eyes searched Lorna's face thoroughly. Disheartened when she noticed the familiar dark circles still resting under Lorna's eyes. She brought her hand up to caress against the area surrounding it. "It doesn't look like ya did, ya still got those black bags under your eyes. Poor baby. Did the nurses disturb ya a lot during the night or was it the beeping monitor that kept ya up?"
A lump was swallowed down her gullet. Lorna looked away for a moment, contemplating on whether or not to mention the whole incident with her father's early morning appearance. She knew telling Nicky about it would only anger her and that was the last thing she needed to experience. A sigh came out of her as she reached up to frame a hand around Nicky's which had still been resting on her cheek. Nicky spent way too much time getting angry and upset over her, she reminded herself. Nicky didn't need any more anger in her life. It would only cause her more stress in the long run and Lorna wasn't about to do that to the girl she loved more than anything.
"I slept okay, it's a lot noisier here than home—well, not home but the Chapmans. God, that doesn't feel right to say. I don't have a home anymore," was the natural response that came through Lorna's teeth. It felt wrong to even inadvertently refer to the Chapman's house as her home because it wasn't her home. Not now, not ever. She had no home. The Morello home was no longer a place she was welcomed and because of the current situation with the foster system being involved, she couldn't consider Franny's place her home anymore either.
"Baby don't say that. You have a home. You may not be comfortable calling the Chapman's home yours and that's fine but you always have a home at mine and Red's place. Always, Lorna. We love you and you're always welcome there. Please don't ever think otherwise, yeah?" Nicky lovingly reassured the girl, pressing a warm kiss to the top of her head before gently laying it back where it previously had been on her shoulder. She ran her hand lovingly through thick strands of brown hair and rested her cheek against the side of Lorna's face.
A sigh escaped her. She scooted herself further on the bed so that her body gently pressed along the side of Lorna's and her free hand reached for the blanket, pulling it up to wrap around the pair of them. Her arm held around Lorna's shoulder she moved it up to her head, gently maneuvering it so that it was cautiously placed down onto her chest. Eyes peered below onto the younger girl and Nicky felt a breath of air expel through her lungs. "I love you, doll. I love you so, so, much and I'm so sorry you're dealing with so much shit right now," the words murmured lovingly from her voice.
Nestling against the warmth Nicky's body provided her with, Lorna snaked her own arms soothingly around her neck and pressed her face into it while giving a gentle kiss to its flesh. She bobbed her head up and down in agreeance with what was said. Finger tips lightly touched onto the flesh of Nicky's neck, tracing along its length in slow, small, circles. "I love you so much, too, hon. I can't—there's not enough time for me to say how much I love you. But I, I just I hope you know how special ya are to me," she murmured right back, continuing to trace soft circles around Nicky's neck. Every so often she allowed her lips to press down onto it for a soothing kiss.
Resting a hand on the back of Lorna's head, Nicky used the hand to keep her head cradled securely against her chest while combing her fingers softly through thick strands of her brown hair. Naturally, her chin found its way onto the top of Lorna's head and gently tucked it underneath. Nothing felt more normal than lying there with her girlfriend cuddled so utterly lovingly in her protective arms. "I know, doll, I know. Don't even worry about that. Let's just lay here and cuddle, yeah? Maybe you can tell me where those fingerprints on your precious neck came from, huh?"
Eyes widened quite quickly upon hearing the last part of her girlfriend's comment. Lorna lifted her head slightly and stared down into the older girl's eyes with scrunched up eyebrows. "Fingerprints? What, uh, what're ya talkin' bout hon?"
"Yeah, kid, fingerprints on your neck. I see them clear as day. What happened?" Nicky gently queried, brushing a thumb softly up and down the length of her cheek.
A lump melded into the pit of Lorna's stomach to find out Nicky had been able to notice the faint marks of what her father had done to her only hours earlier. Despite her better judgment telling her to not cover it up, Lorna pushed that aside and went on to do exactly what she shouldn't have. It wasn't from a place of wanting to be difficult but rather a place of wanting to protect herself. She didn't want to face the truth. Facing the truth meant feeling emotions she wasn't fond of experiencing.
"I don't—there's no fingerprints on my neck. I think maybe ya might just be seeing shadows or something, Nicky. Nothing happened, I just been laying here tryna sleep with all the ruckus."
Nuzzling her chin onto the flesh of Lorna's forehead, Nicky shook her head sadly while gazing down at her with a strong bout of empathy in her eyes. It was hard to watch her girlfriend put in so much effort to cover up the pain she truly—and highly notably—was in. To try her damnedest to keep the reasoning of those fingerprints a secret by flat out denying their existence. On one hand she admired Lorna's strength and persistence, however, on the other hand she loathed the unrelenting stubbornness of her girlfriend—loathed how clearly little it seemed Lorna thought of herself that she would stoop to this level of hiding how hurt and broken she really was.
Cupping her hand tenderly around a pale cheek, she drew in a breath of air and let her thumb caress around the soft flesh. "Babe, I'm not seeing things. My vision is good and I can see clear as day that there are fingerprints on your neck. Nail dentations, too. Please tell me what happened," her voice gently pleaded, eyes staring longingly ahead into Lorna's. She inched gradually closer until their foreheads mashed together. "Did you, did ya do this to yourself, doll?"
Lips slowly began to tremble from the many queries and comments being thrown her away. Eyes squeezed shut so they were no longer able to see what might be seeping out of Nicky's. Because she knew the longer she kept them focused on Nicky the easier it would be for her to reveal what caused those markings in the first place. And after everything that happened yesterday, she couldn't do that to Nicky—Nicky had way too much on her plate already that she needn't have; there was no way Lorna would willingly pile on anymore. If she, herself, could barely handle it why the hell should she make anyone else have to try to handle it too?
"Oh, I forgot about those. I was just scratching my neck earlier because it was real itchy—guess I scratched it a little too hard is all. Please don't worry about it, hon. It's not from anything bad, I swear."
Desperation took up the majority of Lorna's tone as she finally responded to her girlfriend's frantic plead. She felt a big breath of air come up and through her windpipe. Lying to the girl she loved wasn't something she was fond of or found joy in doing, yet, she also hadn't been fond of causing her stress, either. And she knew if she was honest with her about what actually occurred that would do exactly that—cause more stress. Nicky had way too much of that in her life, Lorna deemed, and it worried her what might happen if any more was added—if it would cause her to tip over the edge. She swallowed thickly and shook her head at such a thought. Her heart felt heavy just pondering on the matter.
"Lorna, I don't believe that," Nicky firmly said, bringing a hand up to rub at one of her temples. Frustration building up inside at her girlfriend's automatic mechanism of lying and pretending. It was times like this that she had the urge to shake the truth out of her but she bit down on her mouth and resisted the desire. Forcing Lorna to talk wouldn't do any good, she tried to rationalize with herself. That would likely only cause more frustration and turmoil.
She swallowed down the aggravation as best she could and moved her fingers until they were touching over the spots displaying those cruel fingerprints and nail dents. They caressed lightly around the area almost in a feather-like fashion. Eyes softened tremendously as they focused in on Lorna's, noting the apprehension and blatant fatigue. A sigh sounded through her larynx. "I know it's hard for ya to talk about things that hurt you, kid, but I need you to please tell me what really happened to your neck. Who did this to you, babe? I don't believe that you did it to yourself."
Sucking a breath in through her nose, Lorna swallowed and focused her eyes back onto Nicky's. It strengthened the guilt inside of her rather tremendously to observe the unrelenting worry which oozed from the older girl. Innately the observation influenced her to place a hand on the flesh where the bottom of Nicky's eyelids resided and the tips of her fingers stroked soft circles around each of them. She wished the stroking her fingers did was enough to erase all of her girlfriend's worry. Worry that she didn't need to be experiencing, Lorna believed.
"Will it ease some a your worry if I tell ya what happened, hon? I just—you worry constantly for me and I can't stand it. Ya don't needa worry," her voice murmured gently, fingers still keeping the comforting motion going around the skin beneath her eyes.
The query brought a sigh out of Nicky. She returned Lorna's stare with an intense one of her own and bounced her shoulders up in a shrug. Breath hitched slightly in her chest. When it came to Lorna, it was the most natural response for her to worry—Lorna had gone through so much and still was, she couldn't just throw away the worry because Lorna finally disclosed the truth to her. It wasn't that easy, she thought. But she kept it only a thought; there was no reason to voice it aloud, she determined.
Forehead brushed over forehead yet again. "It would help me help you to know what caused those fingerprints, doll. I want to help you. I love and care about you so damn much. That's why I get so frustrated when ya refuse to be real with me about things like this," she warmly informed the younger girl, pressing her lips onto the tip of her nose. Fingers gently pushed away strands of brown hair that fell upon brown eyes.
Nodding her head attentively to what was revealed to her, Lorna nuzzled their foreheads even closer together. Nicky's comment made her realize it was only harming the both of them the longer she withheld the factual information. She didn't care too much about what harm it caused herself but she certainly had cared about what it was doing to Nicky. Nicky needn't no more pain. Especially not Lorna's pain. Lorna absolutely refused to continue to allow her pain to be projected onto the one girl who only ever showed her the utmost compassion and kindness.
"My dad," she quietly started off, aiming her eyes onto the point of Nicky's nose and mentally counting each faded freckle that lie upon it. A large breath of air exhaled through her own nose. "He came in here real early this morning. When it was still real dark out," she paused, taking that time to focus on those freckles again. Recounting them in a meticulous manner. As if it were some ritual to keep her from falling apart. And though it wasn't technically a ritual, it did keep her from breaking. "I—he—we, I guess, we kinda got in a big fight bout' the mean things he said to ya yesterday. I was yellin' at him and tellin' him I won't…I won't let him talk bad bout' you," another pause was taken.
This time Lorna had to move herself slightly out of Nicky's arms—a reluctant decision, she didn't want to let go but she also felt suffocated sitting there with the building emotions from her earlier encounter with her father coming right back to her as she explained it all over again. She closed her eyes and slowly inhaled air through the nostrils of her nose. It felt like the walls were suddenly moving closer to her—as if they were trying to form a cage around her body, to keep her out of reach of the people who loved and cared for her.
She pushed her hands against the mattress and yanked herself up from it, planting her feet onto the tiled floor where the legs of the bed were also resting atop of. Though she was no longer sitting with Nicky nor staring at her, she still decided to continue telling her the story. Nicky deserved that much, she reminded herself when the desire to shut down came over her.
When her eyes finally reopened only moments after the fact, she turned from where she was standing so that her face was pointed in direction of her girlfriend. "My dad didn't like me yelling back at him so he pushed me to the back wall," her hand pointed towards the area right beside the bed and a breath puffed its way out. "And, and he was just kinda holding me by the throat. But, uh, I'm okay. S'all good. My, uh, my brotha—he interrupted us, thankfully and he kicked dad outta here. It's not a big deal, hon, so please don't get upset. Please."
Nicky hurriedly jumped off of the bed and made her way over to the frantically pacing Lorna. She stopped her with a gentle hand being placed onto one of her shoulders. It wasn't until Lorna twisted her head in her direction that she moved her hand up to rest on her cheek, gradually stroking up and down its length. "Doll, that's a huge deal what your dad did. He had his hands around your neck?" Teeth gritted together as she asked those questions in order to retain the anger which was bubbling up.
"He only had one hand around it. So it's okay—"
"No, Lorna," Nicky quickly interjected, eyes peering firmly down into the other's. She brought her thumb up to her forehead and softly caressed it back and forth its flesh. "Whether he had one or both hands on your neck, none of it makes it okay. What he did was not okay. He coulda suffocated you, doll. The only good thing that happened is your brother came and was able to stop him from having any chance to hurt or kill you. I just…I'm fucking pissed none a the nurses or staff saw him in the hall and stopped him. Or they saw him and just didn't give a shit?"
Throwing her arms securely around the taller girl's waist, Lorna pulled her to her and pressed a soothing kiss to her head in the hopes of calming away the anger which was clearly displayed on her face and inflected through her voice. She let her hands rub up and down the sides of Nicky's abdomen in a slow, gentle, fashion. "S'okay, hon. They probably didn't even know to say anything. Please don't be mad. I'm fine. Mikey took care of it; he told dad not to come back here again. So ya don't gotta worry anymore, my Nicky," the words were softly spoken while her arms tightened their grasp and her hands kept their rubbing motion.
Having Lorna's precious arms wrapped so warmly, so affectionately, around her own waist brought forth a strong wave of comfort and easement. Nicky swallowed thickly and tilted her head slightly while staring intently into the younger girl's eyes. One arm she wrapped around Lorna's shoulder and her other arm she held around her head, bringing it closer until it was touching her chest. "Sweetheart, I'm always gonna worry about you. I love you too much to not worry. You're the absolute most important person to me aside from Red. And the thought of ever losing you—that fucking terrifies me, Lorna. I don't want that to ever become real, ya know? You mean too much to me."
A sigh escaped her and she lifted her thumb towards Lorna's widow peak where a few loose strands of hair rested upon and used it to lovingly brush those away. "I'm not mad; not at you, doll. I'm just mad in general. Mad that your dad is such a fucking piece of shit. That he fucking thinks he has the right to hurt you and make ya feel so shitty," she squeezed her eyes shut and tried to magically suck the anger back inside. Her arm released itself from the back of Lorna's head so that she could instead cradle her hand on the crown of it.
"Ya won't lose me, Nicky," Lorna gently assured, her voice not much louder than that of a whisper.
She pressed her face delicately into the chest underneath it and lovingly secured her arms more around her waist. A sigh made its way through her throat. Her eyes momentarily shifted down to the floor. There was no way she'd ever willingly leave Nicky, she thought, but she wouldn't blame Nicky if she one day decided enough was enough and wound up leaving her. She shook her head at the thought, knowing she wasn't worth all this trouble. All this stress and worry and panic. Nicky didn't need that in her life. She didn't need Lorna regardless of what she told her.
"I don't know," the taller teen responded back. Worried lines creasing onto her forehead as she used the hand on the crown of Lorna's head to carefully lift it up in order for their faces to be on merely the same level. She gazed compassionately, yet with a faint sternness mixed in, into the somewhat lost in thought brown eyes of her brunette girlfriend. "The way ya keep getting smaller and smaller, doll, there is a possibility I could lose ya. I mean you passed out yesterday and it was terrifying to see happen. I don't want anything to happen to you, Lorna, but if ya keep up this habit you could do even worse damage to your body. That's why I get so worked up about it—I'm scared you're gonna end up seriously injuring yourself or, or worse. Please, babe, ya gotta stop."
Lorna squinted her eyes, trying to make sense of what was just said to her. What the hell did Nicky think she was doing to herself? So what if she skipped meals here and there—that wouldn't do her any harm, she needed the weight to come off. "I'm fine, hon. I'm okay. Nothin's gonna happen to me, I promise," she pursed her lips into a smile while holding Nicky at arm's length.
"Oh, god, Lorna, that's bogus." Nicky shook her head sadly but retained her hands around the brunette's face. Eyes soft and solemn as they stared down at her. "You're not okay, you're not. You're sick, baby, and ya need help. Let us help."
Chapter 69
Notes:
Thank you to whoever is reading this story still; I can't express enough how much that means to me or how I appreciative I am.
Chapter Text
Chapter Sixty-Eight
Sick. You're sick. Sick, Lorna, you're fucking sick. Sick, fucked up and mentally insane. The words played on a loop in Lorna's mind. She felt her lips involuntarily begin to tremble and she rapidly removed herself from the older girl's arms. A hand was brought up to her forehead and she utilized it to push back her hair. Nicky's words continued to repeat through her mind and though Nicky surely meant them in a compassionate, affectionate, manner Lorna's fucked up mind twisted them and turned them into a negative meaning. Because no matter what sort of façade she tended to put up, truly, deep down she completely and utterly hated herself. Maybe she did do the things she did to aide in her death. Maybe the starving and purging was her sick, messed up, way of committing a slow and drawn out suicide.
"Come back here, baby. Come let me cuddle you, please," Nicky lovingly called out when she witnessed Lorna pull away and start madly pacing through the room as she'd done previously.
Her heart ached enormously to watch it. She walked over to her, seconds later when she watched Lorna finally stop and sink to the floor against the wall in the corner of the room to the left of the door, and kneeled on the floor right beside her. Her hand gently placed overtop of Lorna's which was restlessly fidgeting on the top of her knee. "Lorna," she murmured. "Lorna, look at me."
The brunette kept her head pointed straight ahead with her brown eyes peering lifelessly into the abyss. All she heard was the echoing comment of how sick she was. Sick in the fucking head. She was sick and fucked up and god, she wished she didn't exist. She longed to not exist anymore. To just poof away. Maybe then the people she loved wouldn't have to suffer anymore, wouldn't have to constantly fucking worry and stress over someone like herself. She was not worth all that trouble, all the heartache and pain.
A snuffle sounded through her nose and she brought a hand up to grapple around the back of her own neck. Nails fiercely dug their way into the skin of it. Tears gradually pooled at the bottom of her eyes and she did her hardest to resist allowing them to release. Instead she used that as motivation to deepen the contact between her nails and neck. She wanted to feel the sharpness of them inside her flesh. Pain was what she needed, what she deserved for all the hurt she caused Nicky, and Franny, and even Mikey.
The silence was ironically deafening to Nicky. Uneasy and unnerving. She chewed down on the side of her mouth and brought Lorna's hand up to her face, pressing her lips onto its flesh. After giving it a tender kiss, she placed the hand on her chest and held it there with her own. Hoping the warmth of her own skin would ease away whatever was ailing Lorna. "Lorna, I need you to look at me so I know you're here. Please. You're worrying me. We need to talk. We need to talk about what's bothering you. I wanna help you but you need to talk to me. I don't know what you're feeling or thinking and I need to know so I can help," she pointed out, brushing her fingers over and over along the hand she held.
Swallowing the saliva which had soaked up the majority of her mouth by that point from having been staring blankly ahead with it open for the past few minutes, Lorna very timidly turned her head and peered back at the older teen. Guilt formed a sharp pang in her chest to see the sadness and agony oozing from the loving brown eyes of her girlfriend. "I'm sick, hon. Sick and fucked up in the head. And I just—you shouldn't have to be stuck with someone like me. I don't want you to be stuck with me when I'm all screwed up like this. You, you deserve more, hon."
"Stop…stop it," Nicky whispered, a few small sniffles accompanying it afterwards. She lifted Lorna's hand from her chest, brought it up to her lips for one final soft kiss, and released it so that she could place both of her hands on either side of her face. Tears poured down from her eyes, slightly blurring her vision, and her lower lip sucked in under her top one. "You're not fucked up. You're not screwed up. Oh, my Lorna, when I said you're sick—sweetheart, I didn't…I didn't mean it as an insult or in a bad way. I meant it as you're not okay and you need help. You can't get over this on your own, baby, you can't. You need help and support and, most importantly, you need love. I can give all of those things to you. I want to. And Dr. Poussey will help and support you too. But you have to let us help you, please."
Lorna's head violently shook at the mention of needing help or support. While part of her may have yearned for both of those things, her self-loathing wouldn't allow her to give in. She wasn't worthy or deserving of help and support. And because of that, she certainly didn't need either of those things. Those would just take her farther and farther away from her goal. She swallowed thickly, peering down at her knees. It was a constant battle with herself—a battle that she would never win. She just wanted it all to stop. For all the pain to poof away and the darkness to turn to light. But, of course, that was all only wishful thinking. Unattainable wishful thinking that no matter how much effort she put in, she'd never be worthy enough for either of those to happen. Only good people had good things happen and she clearly wasn't a good person.
"I'm sorry, hon. I know, I know ya didn't mean it that way. You're always so loving to me."
The sound of the clock ticking from its spot on one of the walls suddenly caught Lorna's attention midway through what she was saying and she halted herself, twisting her head around to fix her eyes on the object. It wasn't long before she grew entranced to its ticking and completely lost track of the conversation or what words she had been busy spewing out. Instead her mind numbed itself out and all that it focused on was the continuous ticking of the damned clock. It certainly hadn't been the loudest noise in the room but that didn't stop it from being the most mesmerizing to Lorna's ears in that particular moment. Of course it was likely only another way for her to prolong from completely being open with Nicky, she realized.
Head shaking incessantly, Nicky chewed in her bottom lip and couldn't control the tears from falling along her cheeks. She wrapped her arms securely around the back of Lorna's head, embracing it protectively against her chest. Fingers soothingly raked through the dark strands of her hair. Leaning forward, she naturally pressed her chin overtop of Lorna's head and shut her eyes for a moment or two. Using that time to calm her own whirling emotions. It stung like a needle through her skin to hear and see how utterly broken the girl she loved happened to be—regardless of if she admitted to it or not.
"You don't need to apologize for anything," Nicky finally broke the silence with a sternly spoken, matter-of-fact, comment. Her hands reached for Lorna's cheeks and she used her grip on them to gently lift her head back up so that their eyes were staring straight into one another. Fingertips brushed like feathers along the flesh her hands were wrapped around. "No, no, doll. I shouldn't have said it the way I said it. I can be a real impulsive talker sometimes and forget to think before I say my thoughts out loud. I'm sorry, Lorna. I don't want you to ever feel like I think poorly of you because I don't and never will," lips pressed warmly onto the rim of one of the other's ears. A sigh puffed out of her as she ran her fingers up and down along its skin.
Now Lorna was the one to shake her head and in a rather fervent manner. Nicky's voice and gestures rapidly brought her out of her momentary trance of the ticking clock and back to the reality of the current situation. Both of her hands reached up to rest over the ones which cradled around her own cheeks, palms caressing around the flesh of each one below. She shifted her eyes so they were looking back into the older one's and a sigh made its way from her larynx to note the tears which lined the lids of them.
With her thumb raised, Lorna gently placed it on the area right below where Nicky's eyelids were. She used it to gently wipe away the tears. "But you're right, hon. I am sick. Why sugar coat it? Ya don't like to do that anyway and I don't need ya too," her voice softly reassured the redhead, eyes holding their gaze on her.
"Lorna, I'm not sugar coating it but you are taking it in a negative way. That's why I need to think more before I say things to ya. I know how you are and how you interpret other people's words. You don't do it purposefully, I know, but you always end up twisting what any of us say to you into something worse than how they were really meant. It's not your fault for doing that, kid, I just—I shoulda took that into consideration before I said that to ya is all." Nicky gave a small tilt of her head while caressing her fingers ever-so-delicately around her cheeks.
A snuffle sounded from the nostrils of her nose. "Your eyes are leaking." Lorna changed the subject quite drastically, not wanting to keep talking in circles on a matter that didn't really help cease her exasperation.
Such an unusual—as well as unexpected—statement brought an instinctive chuckle out of Nicky. "My eyes are leaking, huh?" She copied Lorna's gesture, bringing one of her own hands up to the very same spot where Lorna's was resting and placed it right beside hers. The tears came in contact with her palm almost immediately. "You're right, kid, they are leaking. Huh, that's strange—my eyes must be broken because they never have a leaking problem like this," another chuckle escaped, one that wasn't much of a playful one like it usually was. More of an empty chuckle. A chuckle to just fill the silence.
It was her natural response to let out a laugh or giggle of her own any time she heard Nicky do so but this time she found herself easily refraining. This time it sounded different coming from her girlfriend. Like the chuckle was only for Nicky to use as a crutch to keep from her own real feelings and emotions. The same way Lorna's constant pretending happened to be her security crutch. And the more she allowed her mind to dwell on it the more she came to conclude it was her own fault that Nicky needed that crutch of chuckling to begin with. She was causing her an overwhelming amount of stress.
"Well, what uh what's making your eyes leak so much? Maybe we should worry about you for a change, hon. Don't ya think?"
Having the table so rapidly turned on her, Nicky couldn't think of how to respond to it other than with even yet another chuckle. Hands were thrown up in the air and her shoulders recoiled up in a shrug. When did she become the focal point of the conversation? It was Lorna who needed to be open, who needed to stop fucking insisting she was fine when it was so damn obvious she was on the brink of collapsing. And then it hit her. Maybe she, too, was on the brink of collapsing.
Taking her lower lip in under her top one, Nicky snuffled air through her nose and swallowed down what saliva was sitting in her mouth. Her eyes peered at Lorna, a solemnness oozing out from them. Though she felt rather somber, Lorna's concern naturally brought a warmth to her chest and through the veins in her skin. She tightened her arms around her and buried her face in the dark strands of hair which were cascading along the upper parts of Lorna's shoulders. "I'm just…it scares me, kid, it scares me the possibility of losing you. And right now, that's a very real thing that could happen," the words slightly tremored through her lips.
A breath, or two, were slowly drawn into the nostrils of Nicky's nose. Being vulnerable with anyone was a challenge but even more so with Lorna. Lorna meant everything to her and she loathed showing her her vulnerable side. Though it wasn't the fondest thing, it also felt quite natural to allow herself to show that part of her to Lorna. "You're withering away to nothing, Lorna and if-if ya keep not eating, losing you will be a real possibility and I don't want that. I don't want to lose you, doll. I love you more than anything. I can—I can really see spending my life with you, Lorna, so I can't lose you. Please, Lorna, please promise me you'll start taking care of yourself? I'll help you but ya gotta be serious about this."
Lorna swallowed uneasily but nodded her head copiously. Her hands pressed delicately into the flesh of both the redhead's cheeks. Eyes melded into each other's and Lorna leaned closer to rest her forehead on Nicky's. A pang molded inside her chest to hear the distress trickling from the other's words. "Of course, honey, I promise. I'll do better. I don't want you stressing and worrying over me—I promise I'll, erm, I'll make sure ya don't lose me. Whatever, whatever I can do for ya please just let me know, hon," she lovingly did her best to reassure her blatantly worried girlfriend.
"I appreciate that, babe," Nicky murmured back. She inhaled a deep breath, pressing a kiss to the back of Lorna's head near where she was resting her face. Closing her eyes for a moment, she swallowed thickly and let one of her hands rake softly through the younger teen's dark hair. "You know what would make me feel less worried, doll?"
The query brought a rapid head bob from Lorna. She inched her face slightly away, enough so that her hands were cupping Nicky's face directly in front of her own and gazed attentively into her eyes. Palms stroked slowly up and down each cheek. "What's that, honey?"
Arms wrapped securely around Lorna's neck. The answer she was about to give was one she wasn't too sure if it would go over well with Lorna. She used her nerves to bury her face in the crook of her girlfriend's neck for a few silent moments. "If you come with me to the cafeteria and have something very small to eat, yeah? We can get a coffee, too, but I really would like for ya to try eating something. Whatever you're comfortable with, doll."
A hard swallow was taken. Lorna bit down on her tongue and tried to push the automatic defensive anger aside. Having Nicky's face in her neck was a sufficient distraction from said anger; she sighed and nuzzled her chin on the top of Nicky's head. "Okay, hon, I can do that. Coffee would make it less stressful—maybe a granola bar would go good with that? My mom used to always sit at the kitchen Island with a coffee and granola bar in fronta her while she read the morning paper."
"Your mom sounded like a smart lady, doll." Nicky cautiously commented as she lifted her head from Lorna's neck and moved her arms down to encircle around her waist. She pressed a soft kiss atop her head before leading the pair of them closer to the door. One hand she used to grab onto Lorna's IV pole to avoid any tripping. A small smile was given to the shorter teen, "Coffee and a granola bar sounds like a plan. Any particular kind ya like? Fruity, chocolatey, caramelly?"
Lorna nodded her acknowledgment with a faint smile of her own. One that didn't reach her eyes but was a smile, nonetheless. She leaned her head onto Nicky's shoulder and felt a warm gush of air tingle through the entirety of her body. "Hmm, I don't know. I think my mom always bought the chocolate chip ones. I guess I'll go with that if they have it, course'."
"Well then, if your precious heart desires a chocolate granola bar then that's what you'll get. I'll make sure my sweet girlfriend gets whatever she'll truly enjoy," the taller teen matter-of-factly stated, tousling a loving hand through Lorna's hair while finally reaching the door and helping her to carefully maneuver out of it.
The cafeteria was hustling and bustling when the pair of teen's arrived only ten minutes after they'd left Lorna's room. Patients and families of patients buzzed through the line with trays of food and cups of beverages. Lorna watched them closely as she followed behind her girlfriend towards the entrance into the food area. A sigh escaped her to see how none of them appeared uneasy or anxious to have those meals in their hands. She averted her eyes away and wished she didn't have such a complicated relationship with food. Maybe if she hadn't, she wouldn't be in this hospital to begin with. Another sigh came through and she continued walking about until she saw Nicky stop at a shelf a few feet in.
She followed suit, stopping beside her and allowing her eyes to search the area in front of them. Granola bar after granola bar made up the shelves and the many different options brought a vastly overwhelming sensation over her. Eyes swiftly moved from one to the next, so fast that she nearly felt dizzy. Since when did granola bars come in so many flavors? A lump formed in the pit of her stomach as she continued to search through them all.
"What a selection, huh kid?"
Lorna snapped her head around, body flinching at the unexpected comment from her girlfriend. "Huh?" Puzzled lines formed on the flesh of her forehead as she looked unnervingly across at the other.
The aloof expression etched on her face had a bout of concern forming on Nicky's. She turned to properly examine her and framed a hand tenderly around one of her cheeks. "I was just sayin' they have a big selection of granola bars, yeah? I mean whatever your heart desires, looks like they probably got it," her voice warmly spoke against Lorna's ear. She curled a loose strand of brown hair delicately behind that same ear with her thumb.
A small nod was given in response. Lorna bit down on her lip and averted her eyes slightly to the side. Guilt rose through her body at her own previous reaction to such a simple statement. Why was she the way she was? A question that ran about her mind quite often recently. She sucked in a large breath and brought her eyes back onto Nicky. Lips pursed into a constricted smile. "Oh, erm, yeah. They do got a lot of choices. Didn't realize they made so many varieties of granola bars these days," she pointed out with a slight bounce of her shoulders.
Eyes returned onto the shelves upon shelves assorted granola bars. There were so many—too many to make a decision of which one was wanted by Lorna. She squinted and brought her hands up to cup around each of her eyes as if the gesture would magically assist her in finding the right bar to choose. A sigh forced its way out of her. It was a simple choice that needed made and yet there she stood growing incessantly more and more apprehensive.
She moved her hands from her eyes and reached for a wrapper covered bar from upon the shelf, bringing it to her face to examine it on a more precise level. Her fingers flipped it over on the palm of her other hand so that it was lying with the nutrition facts right-side up. Maybe the calorie contents would aide her better in choosing a bar to consume, she thought. The number she read made her inwardly cringe and, so, she placed it back on the spot she took it off of only seconds ago.
The next bar she picked up and read the information on, she felt a little less cringy about but still wasn't too keen. It was replaced on the shelf and a third one was grabbed at. Brown eyes looked meticulously over the numbers displayed upon the back of the bar. The number wasn't the best but it would suffice, she acknowledged. She clutched it tightly in her hand and quickly backed away from the overflowing shelf of granola bars. Thankful to finally be free of the suffocating volume of options.
Eyeing Lorna suspiciously, Nicky felt her concern drastically increase upon seeing her pick and put back multiple bars before finally settling on whichever one was in her possession now. Despite the concern, she chose not to voice it and instead followed her towards the coffee line that wasn't too far from where the shelf of bars happened to be. She stood to the side of her as they waited in the line and placed a tender hand atop her shoulder. Watching her struggle so heavily around food made her thoughts ponder on how difficult it would be to help her through this. Whatever it was. She still didn't fully understand or know what Lorna was dealing with when it came to food and her scarily shrinking body. All she knew was that she couldn't allow any of it to continue spiraling downward.
There were several people ahead of them so while they waited Nicky snaked a protective arm around the shorter girl's waist and fixed her eyes on the bar residing in her hands. She squinted them a slight amount when she read the label on the packaging before shifting her eyes back up in Lorna's direction. "Cranberry nut bar, hmm? I thought ya were gonna go for chocolate chip, kid." The question came skeptically out of her mouth, eyebrows curving up in a perturbed manner.
Bouncing her shoulders up in a shrug, Lorna gradually grew defensive at her girlfriend's interrogation. She covered both hands over the bar out of habit so that no other eyes could glance at it. "I changed my mind. I like cranberry," her lower lip went inward and she turned her head away to avoid eye contact with Nicky. Nicky who had those all knowing eyes that were easily able to read her like a damn book. Lorna inhaled deeply and focused her eyes straight ahead at the coffee menu hanging on the back wall. She tried to immerse herself with the wording on it, however, her mind refused to cooperate. Fixated on the fact that the only reason the cranberry nut bar was in her hands over the chocolate was because its caloric content was a measly ten less than the other.
"Are ya sure that's all?" Nicky interjected upon seeing the disdain reflecting from Lorna's face. It molded an ache in her chest to observe such a sight. She let her fingers stroke softly into the cloth covering the shoulder her hand rested over. "You really seemed set on the chocolate chip earlier, doll. Why don't ya trade that for the one ya really want, yeah?" She peered lovingly into the younger teen's eyes, saddened by the very subtle fear which appeared to be oozing from them.
"It's not a big deal, hon. I'm fine with the cranberry, okay? Please stop pestering me about it."
"I'm not pestering you, I just wanna make sure ya picked one ya actually enjoy. You said you wanted chocolate earlier so I just, I'm confused why ya chose the cranberry is all."
Lorna shook her head violently and squeezed the bar even tighter in her hands. The room became overbearing with voices of surrounding conversations piercing through her ears. And the replay of Nicky's comments echoed in her head only added to the sudden constricting air which now loomed heavily around her. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't fucking matter what one I pick, Nicky, I don't enjoy food. I haven't enjoyed food in a long time and a granola bar isn't gonna change that," the words shrieked out of her.
Quickly, upon their release, Lorna felt shameful of the way she spoke to Nicky. She chewed down on the side of her mouth and glanced regretfully across at the redhead. Tears threatening to spill from her eyes. She loathed herself for getting so defensive towards one of the few people who truly and utterly cared for her. Nicky certainly didn't deserve that from her. A sigh came through. Nicky was one of the only people who wanted to help her, to support her through this and yet she showed her nothing but anger and defensiveness in return. She wasn't fucking good enough for Nicky. Not now, not ever.
"Sorry—Sorry," Lorna quickly mumbled out once she collected herself. Her hand innately reached for Nicky's and she gave it a gentle squeeze, stroking fingertips delicately around its palm. "I'm so sorry, hon. I didn't mean to sound so bitter. I know—I-I, uh, I know ya just wanna help but I just…I don't wanna fuss over the type a bar I got. Please. I appreciate you, Nicky, I really do but please let's not talk about what kinda bar this is, okay?"
Scratching her temple exhaustively, Nicky nodded but inwardly felt like her chest was on fire. Lorna's outburst only intensified the concern which was already consuming her whole it felt like. She tightened her arm around her waist and pulled her slightly closer for easier access to peck the top of her head with her soft lips. "You don't need to be sorry," she murmured in a hushed tone, one hand rubbing very slowly up and down Lorna's spine. "I just hate how much you're struggling, doll. You shouldn't have to be this afraid of food—hell, you shouldn't be afraid of food at all. I wish I could snap that fear away from you. I really do, my sweet Lorna."
Shoulders recoiled up in a shrug and an empty smile was formed from the corners of her lips. "S'okay, hon. I can manage," Lorna assured her, giving Nicky's hand a comforting squeeze.
Nicky shook her head. Eyes melded fiercely into the brunette's; intense lines creasing on the flesh of her forehead as she methodically searched over every last millimeter of her girlfriend's cherub face. She had to grind down on her teeth to retain them from clattering due to the building fury. Fury not at Lorna but at whatever it was that happened to cause Lorna's strong, unwavering, anxiety towards food and her body. It wasn't normal, she thought, not at all. No one should ever feel the way her Lorna was feeling.
"Lorna, it's not okay. It's not okay that you have so much fear and worry over what food you put inside you. You shouldn't have to feel this way, it's not fair. You don't deserve to feel like this, baby, you really don't. This is unfair, so fucking unfair that a sweet person like you has to suffer with all of this—"
"I've learned that life just ain't fair, hon." Lorna interrupted with a large shrug of her shoulders alongside one of her hands being carelessly thrown in the air. The same lifeless smile from earlier retained its spot on her face and she fixed her eyes into the abyss. Head shook at both her own words and Nicky's. "I don't remember what fair is hardly anymore. It's been a real long time since life's been normal for me."
Tears slowly flowed down Nicky's cheeks without even a warning. She used her arm that was around Lorna's waist to turn her around so that the fronts of their bodies were properly facing each other and she pulled her in for a warm embrace. "But doll that doesn't make any of this okay. It's not okay or right that you have to struggle so damn much with this food issue on top of everything else going on in your life. I mean, babe, how much can ya take? You're just one person. Why do ya have to be given so much fucking shit to deal with huh?"
To see the tears falling from her eyes and hearing the melancholic vibe in her voice both brought a guilty pang to Lorna's chest. She swallowed uneasily but gave a loving squeeze to Nicky's hand. A slight frown melded onto her face as she fixed her eyes on the girl. "I don't know, hon, I don't know the answers to your questions. Maybe God is mad at me and is punishing me with all this, I don't know." Shoulders lifted upward in concurrency with her statement. That was the only conclusion she could think of which made any bit of sense as to why there was so much shit she had to endure through life.
"You know I don't believe in God and all that, kid, but if God were real isn't she supposed to be about love and forgiveness and shit?"
Lorna scrunched her nose and squinted her eyes after hearing her girlfriend refer to God as a she. Never in her fifteen years of life did she ever ponder over whether or not God truly was a man or woman. It was just automatically assumed God was he, the father. She swallowed a large volume of saliva and shook herself from her thoughts. "She? Why are ya callin' God a she, Nicky?" Eyebrows arched up curiously over two intrigued brown eyes.
Moving her shoulders subtly upwards, Nicky stroked her hand which had still rested on Lorna's back slowly up and down its length. Religion and God were certainly not her fortes, however, that didn't mean she hadn't ever thought about those things. If God were a real being there was no reason God couldn't be a Goddess, Nicky deemed. "Well, why can't God be a she?" She queried back, furrowing a brow at Lorna.
"What do ya mean, Nicky? God's the fatha—that's what the priest says. God can only be a man, hon, the priest says so at church." Lorna replied, her face scrunched up the same as it was seconds prior. Confusion taking up the majority of it as she glanced up at her girlfriend. She didn't understand what brought on such a strange conversation but realized maybe this was what the both of them needed right now. It was an innocent, light-hearted, debate. One that kept her mind off the food and calories sitting in her hand.
"Doll, just cause the priest says that doesn't mean he's right," the redhead softly pointed out, lifting her hand to comb delicately through Lorna's dark brown waves of hair. "Besides isn't God some spirit that none of us can see anyway?"
An unnerving nod was given by Lorna. Where the hell was Nicky getting at with this? The query popped through her mind causing her eyebrows to curve up once more. "Well, yeah, but what's that got to do with anything?"
A chuckle sounded through Nicky's windpipe at the puzzled mien on her girlfriend's face. She wrapped her arm back around her waist and pulled her closer yet again. Her head leaned forward and rested over the top of Lorna's. "I'm just sayin' if God is just some spirit then God can certainly be a Goddess if she wants, yeah? Of course she would never come close to the level of goddess you are, my beautiful doll, but she can always dream," Nicky murmured breathily into the brunette's ear.
Chapter Text
Chapter Sixty-Nine
Such a comment vastly reddened Lorna's cheeks. Her lips automatically curled into a smile that she was unable to resist from happening. She turned her head a tiny amount and hid her face in Nicky's shoulder. Neither said another word as they waited through the rest of the line.
The line dwindled down rather swiftly at their conversation and soon enough the two of them were at the front of it. Nicky grabbed her satchel from the shoulder its strap was resting upon and placed it on top of the counter to rummage through it for money. With a crisp five dollar bill in her hands, she looked across the sales counter and was surprised to see the person running it was none other than Alex Vause. Eyebrows arched ponderously over squinted eyes.
"Vause, since when do ya work here? Ya still work at the coffee shop, yeah? Please tell me ya didn't leave there," Nicky pleaded with a playful smirk taking up form on her face. She rested her hand with the cash palm-side up on the granite surface while she held her gaze on the black haired woman across from her. Her other arm remained securely wrapped around Lorna's waist, making sure she was still right next to her.
Shifting her eyes slowly between the two customers now standing on the other side of the counter she stood behind, concern came flooding to the surface. By the obvious gown and IV tube connecting Lorna to the pole beside her, Alex effortlessly was able to differentiate which one of them was the patient. Of course that only added to her concern. She hadn't seen or talked to Lorna since well before the whole foster family situation. Apparently quite a bit had happened since then, she now deemed.
"I only work here two mornings a week. Been doing this since my mom first got diagnosed with breast cancer—this was the hospital she was in and they took good care of her so I thought it'd be nice to work here while she was sick. And now it brings me a little comfort when I do. I still work at the coffee shop in town, Nicky, don't fret," Alex hurriedly assured with a slight shrug of her shoulders. A heavy sensation formed in her chest to bring up the recollection of her mom. It still stung to think about but each day it grew less and less.
Clearing her throat, she quickly settled on changing the topic and fixed her gaze on Lorna. "What brings the two of you here, huh?" Her hand gestured at the IV pole, "Are you okay, Lorna? How come you're in the hospital?" Eyes moved over to Nicky again, eyebrows subtly waggled.
Lorna tilted her head towards the ground and focused her stare there, too. She no longer had the desire to conversate with anyone. Especially not about the reasoning for her hospital stay. That was the absolute last thing she'd ever desire to discuss with anyone.
Squeezing her arm lovingly around her waist, Nicky sighed and returned Alex's concerned gaze. A faint, not quite eye-reaching, smile melded on her face. She knew what it was like to be left in the dark of things going on with the people she cared about and brought her other hand across to give her friend's shoulder a comforting pat. "It's a long story. Ya wanna come sit and have a coffee with us? If ya have time to, yeah?" Nicky gently offered.
"Well, I get off in about ten minutes so that would be perfect," the taller woman agreed with a nod of her head. She turned her head a small amount so that the coffee menu came in view of her peripheral vision and she held up her hands for the teens to see. "What kinda coffee do you two want? We have a couple different flavors for lattes, not nearly as many as the coffee shop but it's not the worst."
The shorter teen kept her head down and gripped tightly onto her IV pole. If it weren't for that damn bulky IV pole, she'd be long gone from that room. Or the entire hospital, honestly.
Nicky sadly watched Lorna retain her position without budging even a smidgen. She gave her waist a loving squeeze before returning her focus onto the woman behind the counter. Eyes quickly glanced over the menu to see if any of the latte flavors popped out to her as one that Lorna would pick and sighed. "I'll have my usual plain coffee and uh Lorna might like that Cinnamon Swirl latte," she said, shrugging her shoulders in concurrency with the latter statement.
The money was carefully handed over to Alex and she observed her prepare the two coffee beverages. It only took a matter of minutes until a pair of paper cups were being placed directly in front of her. She forced a smile to her face despite the lump sitting in the pit of her stomach, "Thanks, Vause. I need this caffeine so bad."
With Lorna seemingly oblivious to their conversation—but still to be on the safe side—Alex leaned over the counter so that her voice would only be loud enough for Nicky's ears to hear. "Are you two okay? Ya both look really drained, Nicky," she questioned, folding her arms attentively over her chest. Her eyes shifted casually between the two of them and a sigh came up through her larynx. "Whatever's going on, I hope you know I'm here for you. For both of you. I care about you two."
"We'll talk about it once ya get off work, Al. There's a lot going on. It's too much to say right now. Especially with other people moseying around, Lorna wouldn't be comfortable with me sayin' anything out here."
Alex nodded and placed a hand over Nicky's which laid atop the counter. A comforting smile along with a squeeze were given to the other's hand and face as they both held their stares in the same direction. "I understand," her voice softly assured and then she released her grasp from Nicky's hand altogether. "You two go find a table and once I clean up back here, I'll come join you."
Coffees were placed on the tabletop and Lorna rather timidly slid herself into the chair right across from where Nicky had chosen to sit. The cafeteria appeared a little less crowded than when they first came down, she quickly noted by scoping the room with frantic eyes. Conversations were indistinguishable but still picked up on by her ears as she settled herself in her seat. She swallowed thickly and turned her head back so she was facing the table she and Nicky were sat at.
"You okay, kiddo?"
Kiddo? The name repeated questionably through her mind. Her eyes squinted slightly and that must have been noticed by Nicky, she mentally formulated when she felt Nicky's hand reach across the table to cup against the flesh of her cheek. A bitter taste formed in her mouth and she did her best to swallow it down but to no avail. She sighed, lifting a hand to cautiously slick back her hair. "Do I look childish, hon?" The query came out and surprised even herself.
Brushing the tips of her fingers slowly up and down the length of Lorna's cheek, Nicky tilted her head while peering softly into her brown eyes. A gentle breath of air escaped from her. She shook her head with a frown melded upon her face. "No, doll, of course not. Is that—is that what's been bothering you? Is that why you've been so quiet since we got in line for the coffee?"
Tapping her fingers rhythmically against the plastic material of her coffee cup, the brunette bounced her shoulders in a shrug. There was so much buzzing through her mind that she had no idea what was truly bothering her. Or why such innocent gestures suddenly made her second guess every little thing. She drew in an elongated breath and bit down on her lower lip. Eyes kept their gaze on Nicky even though there was temptation to look away. To look into the abyss as she always so desired.
"No—well, I mean, I don't know. You, you called me kiddo just now and that's somethin' ya never did before so I just—I just thought that meant you think I'm childish or look childish. I don't know, I'm probably just being dumb. I'm real good at being dumb," the words came out faster with each sentence she spoke. Her breathing fastened to match and she felt like she could barely catch it. She squeezed her eyes shut but that didn't do much to relieve the sensation.
"Oh, Lorna," Nicky murmured, lovingly pressing the palm of her hand into the flesh of the cheek it remained framed around. Hearing the increasingly loud breathing, she slowly moved her hand up and down her face to bring her any form of easement she possibly could. "I don't think any of that about you, babe. I didn't call you kiddo out of spite or anything, it was just meant out of love for you. I'm sorry I made ya feel any other way. If it bothers you, I won't call you that. I don't want to ever make you feel uncomfortable."
A deep snuffle was sucked up through Lorna's nose. It hurt to hear Nicky apologize for something that wasn't even meant to upset her. Guilt found its way back as it always so easily had. She shook her head and reached up to cover her hand atop Nicky's, stroking her thumb over each one of her knuckles. "No, please—please don't be sorry, hon. I just—I'm, I don't know what's bothering me but it's not you. Everything…there's just so much in my head that even real simple things are getting under my skin and I don't know why. Am I losing it, Nicky? Is this what it feels like to go insane? Because I think I might be."
Opening her arms, Nicky waved a hand at the brunette and—once her attention was gained—she patted her hand on her chest as a nonverbal way of informing her to come sit with her. The frown on her face grew slightly when Lorna only bowed her head down and her body visibly trembled against the chair she sat on. "Come here, baby. Come snuggle with me—you look like that's exactly what ya need right now," she called out in a warm yet hushed voice, patting once more at her chest.
"S'okay, hon. I—I'm okay—"
"Baby, you're shaking. I mean you're shaking so bad the table's wobbling. Please come here. Come let me hold and rock you, Lorna."
"I'm okay, hon," Lorna repeated though the trembling of her voice contradicted her own comment. Her eyes stared widely ahead at the redhead but the room gradually started to spin the more she stared. She tried to force a smile to her face, however, was instead overcome by an intense wave of nausea from how much everything appeared to be spinning around her.
She gripped her hands on the edge of table, using it to push herself up with. The second she stood and tried to step forward the dizziness strengthened greatly. She could barely stand without the urge to vomit right then and there, let alone trying to take the few steps it was from her spot to Nicky's.
Without any hesitation or a single thought, Nicky jumped up from her chair and met Lorna where she stood. Hands carefully grabbed onto Lorna's shaky ones and she very gently, slowly, guided her to the other side of table which she had previously been occupying. She sat down again and tenderly pulled Lorna with her so that she had now been sitting atop her lap. Arms encircled securely around her body, embracing her closely against her chest and the crook of her neck. She rested her chin on the top of Lorna's head and slowly began rocking the two of them.
"No, you are not okay," Nicky firmly stated once she made sure the younger girl was comfortable and less shaky. She still had her arms wrapped protectively around her body but had her face lifted up a small amount in order for their eyes to be peering right into each other's. "You're not okay, Lorna, and that's okay. You're allowed to not be okay and admit that. You don't have to pretend. God, doll, you never have to pretend in front of me. I wish you'd believe that."
Their conversation was soon interrupted by the sound of footsteps approaching closer and closer to them. A chair creaked faintly against the floor and the pair of them both shifted their heads to see the culprit of such sound. Lorna felt a sense of relief to find Alex sitting down across from them—it gave a distraction from the topic and the emotions that heavily loomed around her. Nicky, on the other hand, sighed slightly but covered up her small amount of disdain with a merely genuine smile. It was nice to see her best friend of two years finally joining them.
The oldest of the three took a sip of her coffee once she'd gotten settled in her seat and looked concerningly between the others. A look she'd been giving them quite a bit that morning, she realized. She wouldn't be surprised if her face permanently froze with the concern expressed on it from how often she'd looked at her friends with such a mien. But this time the concern was even more intense as she observed the tear stains on Lorna's cheeks and the desperation on Nicky's. Clearly there was something highly amiss going on.
"So, either of you care to share what's happening?" Alex cautiously queried between sips of the warm beverage resting in her hands. Eyes shifting periodically between the teens. They lingered on the IV pole which sat to the side of Lorna, curious to know what the reason was behind her being a patient here.
Lorna bowed her head down, not in any mood to answer the question. She had enough of talking and explaining shit to everyone. All she wanted was to fucking go home. And not to the Chapman's fucking home, to her home with her real siblings. But, of course, none of that was going to happen. She didn't deserve good things, after all, so why should she be allowed to leave this god-awful hospital where many people probably died every single day and go to her own home with people who actually cared about her? People who weren't a stuck-up, rich, family that only took her in to make themselves look good. A faint scoff huffed from her and she shook her head distastefully. She was sick of it. She was sick of fucking all of it. No matter what she always ended up with the short end of the stick.
Another sigh came out and she did her best to shake herself out of her all-consuming thoughts. If she kept up with her refusal to say anything, everyone would start to believe she was truly and utterly crazy. Not just crazy but the kind of crazy that should be locked away in some facility with the key thrown out. Lorna certainly didn't want that to happen. So, despite the reluctance sitting in the pit of her stomach in the form of a knot, Lorna pushed through and decided it was in her best interest not to sit there like a damn lump.
"I, I don't know how to answer that question," Lorna finally voiced her response, shifting both shoulders up to either side of her face. Still situated on Nicky's lap and having her body securely wrapped in her arms, it was tempting for Lorna to lean her head back against Nicky's chest and hide away from reality but she refrained. Instead she bit down on her tongue and drew in a deep breath. She truly was at a loss for the words to properly respond with.
Tightening her arms around her waist, Nicky lovingly rested her chin on the top of her head while peering straight across the table at Alex. The woman who appeared rather puzzled and unsure of how to help. A sad smile formed from the corners of her lips. "Yeah, a lot's going on, Vause. Ya might wanna be a little more specific with your question," she tried to helpfully point out, running a hand lovingly through her girlfriend's thick head of hair.
Alex nodded attentively, bringing her coffee up for a quick sip. "Okay," she softly started after replacing her cup onto the surface of the table. Her legs shifted position, crossing the one that was resting on the floor onto the one which previously had been in said spot. She moved her eyes slowly from Nicky back onto Lorna. It wasn't much of a challenge for her to notice the slight agony oozing from her brown eyes. "Can we maybe start with why you're in the hospital, Lorna? Are ya hurt, what's wrong?"
The sensation of Lorna's body fidgeting against her lap instantly widened the frown on Nicky's face. She pulled her closer and gradually began to sway back and forth with her.
Nicky's gentle motion was soothing and had the ability to calm her a tiny bit but wasn't sufficient to cease her fidgeting entirely. Eyebrows arched up and down a couple of times as she pondered on what to say. Obviously she knew it would be rather dumb of her to not answer truthfully since Nicky was sitting right there with her and would, without a doubt, correct her if she chose to go the pretending route. She reached a hand up to her forehead and habitually pushed back her hair.
Eyes focused on her coffee and she snatched it a little more violently than needed. It was lifted up to her lips for a long, exaggerated, sip—mostly as a way to prolong from giving an answer. She sighed, swallowing down the warm liquid in a thick manner. Once she set the cup back down, she slowly twisted her neck around as if to crack it but really was only to distract herself from her thoughts and Alex's questions. Alex's many questions she recalled.
"I'm um here because…erm why am I here?" Lorna swallowed uneasily, shifting her body slightly despite having her girlfriend's arms secured around it. Why was she here? Her mind quickly became immersed with the question. Of course—with her self-loathing working full force—the question echoed through her mind in a way that emphasized more than just here at the hospital but here in existence at all. Why was she here on this Earth? Why did Lorna Morello have to exist to begin with?
"You, you don't know why you're here?" The older woman unnervingly inquired. Eyebrows curved up above her eyes and she gradually averted them up onto Nicky, giving her a vastly worried glance. She subtly furrowed her brows at the girl hoping she might be able to shed some light on the matter.
The gesture had not gone unnoticed by Lorna. But she chose not to say anything about it. She let her eyes focus downward so that they were peering at the still untouched granola bar which sat right in front of the paper cup of coffee. An innate finger went to touch the plastic wrapper covering the bar, crinkling it as she did so. Her shoulders bounced into a curt shrug. She was here on false accusations, she thought. Yet, she wouldn't allow that thought to be voiced out loud. It wouldn't go over well with Nicky and she wasn't in the head-space to argue over it.
Fingers tapped numbly against the sides of the disposable cup in front of her. "Oh, sorry, ya meant here as in the hospital. My mind's all over the place. I don't know. I guess to be safe. I just kinda passed out the other day and I guess it worried my sista and Nicky so here I am. But I'm fine. I should be getting outta here soon—today, hopefully," the words came out in a nonchalant fashion; her head moved around her neck almost with each word she spoke and her shoulders shifted up at the same rate.
Blinking her eyes at what Lorna chose to answer with, Nicky had to bite down on her tongue to keep from impulsively saying anything back to her. A deep breath of air was slowly taken in through the nostrils of her nose and shortly after was exhaled through her mouth. She took the time to remind herself Lorna meant well but clearly wasn't in her right frame of mind and therefore it wouldn't be fair for her to try to fight her on what she said. Sure, it was partially true but of course there were several minute details left out. Which Lorna was all to good at doing, Nicky sighed.
Finally receiving the revelation for why Lorna had been in the hospital, blue eyes rapidly widened on Alex's face. A frown also naturally molded itself to it. That was an answer she hadn't been expecting to hear—well, the more her mind pondered the more she realized she had no true idea what kind of a response she was expecting to hear. "You passed out? Where? How come, what made ya pass out? That's awful…I'm sorry, Lorna."
"Too many questions. Too many," the brunette muttered out, eyes refusing to make contact with neither Alex's nor Nicky's. That would only intensify how overwhelmed she felt sitting there. Fortunately with the way she was sitting on Nicky's lap, it wasn't hard to not make eye contact with her but because Alex was directly across from her Lorna had to deliberately keep her focus elsewhere.
Nicky ran her hands warmly up and down the sides of Lorna's body to ease the noticeably building tension within her. She pressed her chin softly into the scalp on the top of her head where it was resting against. "Are you okay with me answering her questions, kid? I know it's difficult for you to share what's happening but Alex is our friend and she just wants to be here for ya. The more people who are here for ya and are willing to help the less alone you'll feel, ya know?"
Saliva pooled at the bottom of her mouth near her tongue and she swallowed it uneasily down. What Nicky said was only the truth and yet it wasn't enough to convince Lorna to say anything. Because deep down she knew no matter what anyone told her, she would never be worthy of their willingness to be there for her or their care or their love or anything that would benefit her. She wasn't a good person. She was damaged and no one should have to be around someone like her. Someone fucking damaged and bad.
She forced herself out of her spiraling thoughts and slightly turned her head in order to look Nicky in the eyes. Despite the frown which now settled on her face, Lorna gave a small nod to wordlessly give her permission to Nicky's request.
Tilting her head, Nicky felt her heart constrict to take note of the frown on the younger's face. Instinctively, she placed one of her hands on the flesh right beside her lips and stroked the palm of it soothingly around the area. "Hey, you're allowed to have people who care about you. You need that, doll," she softly spoke, brushing her thumb delicately from one side of her face to the other. It wasn't much longer before her forehead was lovingly pressing up against Lorna's. "It's so, so, sadly obvious you don't care about yourself. So the second best thing is to have other people around who do care about you and who want to help you through all this, yeah babe?"
"I—I don't know, Nicky. I just want to get out of this hospital and go home. But I can't go home because the stupid dumb state thinks my sista ain't responsible enough to let me live with her even though she been raisin' her son on her own for the past three years. But yeah she ain't responsible. I hate this. I hate it all, Nicky. I just want my life to be normal again. I haven't felt like a normal person in so long that I can't—I can't fucking remember how to feel normal."
Both Alex and Nicky watched her with melancholic eyes. It was blatant that Lorna finally appeared to be at breaking point. Which, in her case, was either a great thing or meant a catastrophe was headed their way. Only time would tell which one it would be.
Cradling Lorna's face in her hands, Nicky gazed intensely into her eyes as a way to precisely observe every part of it. Hoping to find what emotions might be felt by her or possibly what thoughts were whirling around her mind. It was wishful thinking on her behalf to believe any of that would magically come to the surface only from her staring the girl over but it certainly hadn't stopped her from trying, at least.
Their foreheads had still been resting atop one another which made it rather easy for Nicky to notice the loose strands of hair falling over Lorna's eyes—somber eyes now holding tears in them—and she brought a hand up to gently stroke the hair away with. Lips soothingly pressed onto the flesh of one of her cheeks a mere inch or two from the corner of Lorna's mouth. A gesture she chose to take part in out of the hopes of bringing some amount of comfort to her distressed girlfriend.
"I'm sorry, kid, so sorry. I know life has been sucky for ya lately and it's not fucking fair at all," Nicky spoke up once she'd found the will to do so again. After swallowing her own emotions the best she could. She knew it wouldn't help any if she allowed what she was feeling to get in the way of comforting Lorna. Lorna didn't need the stress of her anger, she acknowledged, especially when that anger was not meant for her. She bit down on her lip and inhaled slowly, one of the only gestures that seemed to help keep the bubbling fury from expressing itself.
Her throat was silently cleared and she gently nuzzled her nose against Lorna's. It weighed heavily on her heart knowing and seeing how emotionally drained and exhausted Lorna was from everything piling up on her the past several weeks. Lorna was the last person who deserved all this shit that life was fucking incessantly throwing at her. It boiled her blood watching what her beloved girlfriend had to constantly endure. She wanted to get revenge on anything and anyone who caused her Lorna pain but sighed at the thought. The thought wasn't plausible—it wouldn't really do anything but probably wind her up in juvie and leave Lorna to fend for herself. Both of which she did not want to happen so she would have to refrain herself from going the revenge path.
After exhaling out a breath, Nicky settled on putting her energy into comforting and soothing away all of Lorna's franticness. Or at least that was the goal, she wasn't sure if she'd actually be able to comfort all of it away but even if she could diminish some amount of her girlfriend's suffering she felt that would be a win. "I promise life isn't gonna be like this forever, doll. Things will get better."
"Yeah? How—when?" The queries came out slightly more bitter than Lorna would have liked. Immediately regret set in but she swallowed it down. Or tried to swallow it down, anyway. The exasperation was too much for her to stay seated any longer, her body felt suffocated; she pushed herself up—and of course such decision caused even more guilt to arise—and stood there right beside the chair Nicky remained in. Lower lip sucked in beneath her top one as she contemplated what to do next.
A sigh came from Nicky's windpipe. "Lorna, come on. You need to sit down and relax. You're in no shape to be pacing around. I understand you're upset but that doesn't mean you oughta pace around the room and—"
"I pace around like a lunatic, is that what ya were gonna say? It's okay, hon, I know I'm messed up. I'm so sorry. I really am. I don't know what's wrong with me. I don't understand. I feel crazy. I am crazy, aren't I?"
Having watched the interaction between her friends without a word for the past few minutes, Alex decided maybe it would help—or at least she hoped so—if she stepped in. She stood up from her chair, after sharing a look with Nicky and receiving a nod to her wordless offer, and cautiously walked over to where Lorna stood. A gentle hand was placed on her shoulder. Now that she was directly in front of her it was easy for her to observe the deeply hidden heartache in her eyes and upon her face. It was a familiar heartache, one she experienced when she watched Mrs. Vause pass away over a year ago and still, now, it would come up when she least expected it.
No wonder Lorna appeared to be all over the place right now. Grief sure had a way of taking a toll on those who struggled with it, she distastefully thought. It took one on her, too, immediately after her mom's passing she knew and it wasn't shocking it was doing the same with Lorna. She sighed and patted her hand softly against the shoulder it was covering atop. "I kinda know how you're feeling, Lorna. Losing a parent isn't easy at all. I still struggle with the grief of my mom's death. And yours only happened a few months ago—it's a process, the grief and dealing with it—"
The comment had the young teen's head shaking quite rapidly. She backed away slightly and waved a hand swiftly about in the air. "Eight months. Eight months. That's how much time has passed since—since my mom, since she was fucking unfairly taken from me. My mom, she was the nicest person and-and the one person who, who, the one person," sniffles and cries took over and halted her from speaking.
It took several breaths before Lorna was able to collect herself enough to continue talking in a coherent manner. Tears were leaking along her cheeks by that point and there wasn't any way for her to stop them. "She, she was the one person…the one person who truly cared about—about me. And, and," a snuffle shook out of her, momentarily pausing the words. "and now she's gone but, but my dad. My dad—he gets to have a second chance at life? I just… I want him to switch places with my mom. She's the only, the only one who fucking deserves a second chance at life. She should be here, should be the one getting a new liver to save her life. Not my dad. It's not fucking fair."
Alex opened her mouth to say something but they were both swiftly interrupted by a random blonde girl briskly making her way over towards where they stood.
The closer the girl got the easier it was for Lorna to recognize exactly who she was. And when she did, she felt every inch of her body freeze along with the color from her skin vastly drain away. How the hell was it even possible for Annalisa to have known she was in the hospital? How could she possibly have such luck that Annalisa would find her in the hospital cafeteria? Lorna's mind swirled with unnerving questions as she swallowed thickly the saliva in her mouth.
A smirk formed on the blonde's face once she was standing right in front of Lorna and could better observe the fear emanating from hers. "Little Morello in the hospital?"
Chapter 71
Notes:
Thank you to those who are still taking the time to read this, I appreciate it. Anyway, I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving! Can't believe it's tomorrow already, this year has been flying by.
Chapter Text
Chapter Seventy
Oh hell no. Hell fucking no. The two thoughts that were the first to come through Nicky's mind when she caught sight of Annalisa's presence. In a matter of seconds she was up from her seat and frisking her way behind Lorna, arms protectively finding themselves wrapping around her body. Her mind could not process how the hell what was before her was even real. How did Annalisa even know Lorna was in the hospital? Eyebrows instinctively arched up at the question popping around her head. She had to grind down on her teeth to keep from acting on impulse. The desire to crack Annalisa's skull right then and there was strong but she constrained herself from giving in.
"The hell are you doing here?" Nicky gritted her teeth as she voiced the question.
Staring into the beady eyes of her girlfriend's presumed bully was only continuing to fuel the fury which already resided within her. She couldn't stand that damn Annalisa. And certainly couldn't understand what fucking reason that blonde haired snake seemed to have to hate Lorna so much. Lorna was, without a doubt, the sweetest human to exist—there was no way she could every be capable of doing anything to make anyone loathe her in the way Annalisa clearly had.
Watching the whole scene unfold, Alex was at a loss for what do as well as highly confused on who the blonde teenager was. From the looks on her two friend's faces, she wasn't a good person. That much she was able to conclude but still had not a clue whether to intervene or just stand there in silence.
The smirk on Annalisa's face widened at Nicky's obvious anger and disdain towards herself. She decided on making a bold move, placing a rough hand onto Lorna's shoulder. The hand she used to grasp onto it she pulled her a little bit away from the other two girls, jolting her head at the irritation seeping from Nicky's face. "Well, I just so happened to be sitting over there," she used Lorna as if she were a pointer and shifted her in the direction she was mentioning about, "treating my poor, sick, little granny to breakfast when I noticed little Morello here."
She took a moment to shake her head in fake sympathy, not too worried on whether any of them believed her or not. Her hand still gripped tightly on Lorna's shoulder, so tight her nails were merely digging into it. "And I got curious because ya know—this is a cafeteria where people eat but obviously, Morello here doesn't know what that means. Ain't that right, Bulimic Morello?"
Her mouth was so close to her ear that Lorna effortlessly felt her breath on it and shuddered uncomfortably. She swallowed thickly, trying to pull herself from Annalisa's grasp but her attempts only tightened Annalisa's hand on her shoulder. Eyes became misty with tears once more and she felt her body fidgeting as if that would somehow get her away from the blonde. The blonde who never ceased to surprise her. With everything else going on right now she just had to be thrown right back into the mix. Lorna didn't know what was worse Annalisa or her dad. Hell, her dad might as well adopt Annalisa—the two clearly came from the same side of evil, she deemed.
Anger was proving to be more and more challenging to keep under wraps. Not when she witnessed, right in front of her, Annalisa's uncomfortable closeness to her girlfriend's face and the blatantly cruel gesture of her hand digging into Lorna's shoulder blade. No, she shook her head, there was no way she could hold in her anger any longer. Annalisa needed to be fucking stopped.
The first thing she did was walk up and forcibly removed Annalisa's grimy hand from its spot it previously rested on her girlfriend's clothed covered shoulder. Anger seethed through every ounce of her veins. Nicky pulled Lorna back into her arms, making it so that her chest and chin were pressing protectively up against Lorna's face and the top of her head. An embrace she used as a way to shield her from the evil Annalisa always brought with her. One arm remained around her waist and the other she lifted up to hold around her head.
With her chin resting atop Lorna's head, Nicky's eyes glared darkly across into the blue ones of Annalisa. "I have a lot to say to you right now. First and foremost, don't ever put your hands anywhere on Lorna again, ya got that? And don't ever fucking get in her face like ya just were again," she slowly eased into her spiel, grinding down on her teeth between words to keep a tight grasp on the building rage. A finger was held up and wagged distastefully at the slimy blonde. "And second, you fucking knew Lorna was starvin' herself and didn't think to tell anyone? Are you that fucking evil, Annalisa? She could fucking die from depriving herself of food and you—you fucking knew?"
"First, why the fuck would I tell anyone? It's not my responsibility, Nichols." The blonde bit back, now inching her face closer to Nicky. Her smirk still sitting upon her own as she gradually got closer. A chuckle innately made its way from her larynx. Regardless of whether it was Nicky or Lorna who was bothered because of her it all the same brought a joy to her that she couldn't explain.
Her eyes shifted onto Lorna, who despite not having her face in a position where she could read the expression on it appeared increasingly more frantic by the way her legs lightly tremored as she stood. Annalisa nodded and shut her eyes for a long moment. When she opened them again, they were quickly focused right back on Nicky.
"Oh you think Lorna starves herself? You must be deaf, Nichols. I said Morello's bulimic. It's basically the failed fat version of anorexia," a laugh accompanied her statement and she mockingly brought two fingers up to her mouth. She stuck them inside and faked a gag. "Basically, your girlfriend's fucked up. Is that why she's in the hospital? Did all that throwing up finally get to her? What a sad, sad, shame."
Lorna could hardly believe her ears. It all just kept piling up and up and up. There was no escape it felt like. No matter which way she turned a new obstacle was put in front of her. Everything appeared to be closing in on her and she truly had no idea how to stop it—any of it. She felt deeply, utterly, suffocated. Trapped. Frozen in her own mind. It was all becoming too much. Or had gone beyond too much now. She could barely catch her breath. Her heart constricted every time she inhaled and exhaled. The room didn't have enough air to supply her with.
Out of a deep-rooted, unrelenting, rage, Nicky's arms automatically released from Lorna and she stomped her way towards the beanpole of a blonde in front of her, taking her roughly by the collar of her shirt.
If it weren't for Alex's acting quickly upon watching the scene play-out and hurriedly coming up behind the brunette in order to halt her fall, Lorna would have collided quite harshly onto the cold, hard, floor. Without anymore hesitation, Alex took the younger girl's hand and led her back to the table the three had been sitting at earlier. She didn't think twice about sitting down on the chair while carefully bringing Lorna down with her so that she was seated on her lap. The shakiness and timidity coming from her was enough for her to make such a decision.
Sucking down on her lower lip did hardly anything to ease Nicky's boiling fury. Her mind worked overtime to process what was seconds ago spewed from Annalisa's mouth. The fury towards her overpowered the concern for Lorna at that particular moment. She shook her head furiously, tightening her grip on the cotton of the blonde's t-shirt. "Why the fuck are ya talking about Lorna and her eating disorder like it's a damn joke to ya? Do you not see her over there and how fucking sick she looks? And you're standing here making a big joke outta it. The fuck's wrong with you, Damiva? Are ya the devil's child or some shit?"
Eating disorder. Eating disorder? Lorna shook her head distastefully at the repetitive thought. She frantically twisted her head to look up at Alex, desperately reaching to place her hands on her face to grab her attention. "I don't know what they're talkin' about. I don't…I don't have an eating disorder. I don't. I don't know why, why Annalisa would, would say something like that to Nicky. I don't have an eating disorder, I'm not bulimic. Annalisa is lying—she always makes up lies about me and I just I don't understand why. I just want all of this to fucking stop," anger and desperation trickled through her voice more intense with each word.
Returning the young brunette's bewildered stare, Alex felt her chest tighten with the utmost sympathy for her. A lump sat in the back of her throat which was swallowed thickly down. Her hands reached up and pressed comfortingly onto the faintly tremoring ones resting on her own two cheeks. Taking in a slow, deep breath, Alex brushed her thumbs over the pale knuckles on each of Lorna's hands. "I don't know Annalisa or anything about her but I've known you probably close to five months now, Lorna, and in that time you've noticeably gotten smaller. I mean I'm no therapist but it's obvious something isn't right. Who's to say you don't have an eating disorder?"
"No, no. I don't have one. I'm fine. And I have not gotten smaller. If anything I got bigger. Can you just let me fucking get up? I don't wanna be here anymore. I can't fucking breathe in this damn place. I want the hell out. I want out," Lorna cried out, angry tears spilling from her eyes and clouding her vision. She released her hands from Alex's face and brought them up to the back of her own neck, scratching her nails violently along its flesh. Needing some sort of outlet from all of the swirling emotions.
"But I don't think you are fine. You look pale, really pale and you're shaky. How bout' I help you back to your room, yeah? Can you tell me the room number?"
Lorna's head only shook fiercer at the words spoken to her. The anger intensified and it felt like she was being consumed whole by it. Everything was crashing down on her. Her chest felt as though an elephant was sitting atop it. Eyes continued to leak out tears no matter what she did to try to halt them. "No, Alex, I didn't just mean I want out of here—I meant I want out of the whole damn hospital. I want to go to my sista's place and never come back to this awful hospital again or any other one either."
Seeing how harshly Lorna was rubbing her hand around the back of her neck, the black-haired woman instinctively intervened by placing her own hand on the top of hers and gently pulling it away. Blue eyes peered concerningly into brown ones. "Well, kid, obviously you're here because you need to be here. You passed out the other day and you're so pale now, shaky. When, when's the last time you ate?" She cautiously threw out the query, a bit unnerved to see what reaction that would gain her.
"That's none of your business. I'm sick of everyone asking me when I've eaten, if I've eaten. It's nobody's business but my own. And Annalisa—she is so, so mean for telling Nicky that bullshit story that ain't true. She wants to make Nicky hate me and think I'm crazy. I mean I am crazy and Nicky should hate me but not because Annalisa told her to—"
"Shh, shh. You're not crazy, Lorna. You're not at all. That Annalisa seems to me like a bully. And she has no chance of getting Nicky to hate you. You don't have to worry about that, kid, Nicky adores you. Believe me, you are so special to Nicky and this Annalisa is no match for Nicky's love," Alex softly reassured the brunette, giving her hands a comforting squeeze before letting them go so she could instead have her arms wrap around Lorna's shoulders in order to be able to lift her carefully up from the chair. "Come on, Lorna, let's get you back to your room. You need to rest, you really look weak and drained."
"But, but Nicky and Annalisa—Annalisa is lyin' to her, she's telling her things bout' me that—"
Her frantic pleas were interjected by Alex's arms wrapping around her in a tight embrace, tight enough to stop her heavy shaking but not too much to cause any breathing issues. The taller of the two kept her hold on Lorna while jumping up from her chair and assisting her up next. She replaced her arms from Lorna's back to gently taking hold of one of her hands and using her other one to take control of the IV pole since it was clear to her how out of balance Lorna was from even just standing there.
She helped her away from the table, at a slow pace so she wouldn't lose what little balance she had, and turned her head slightly when they passed by the altercation between Nicky and that little blonde girl. The one who she now believed should remain nameless. Before continuing the journey out of there, she stopped when she was able to reach a firm hand on Nicky's shoulder. Her eyes peered at her intensely once brown ones were looking her way. "I'm gonna take Lorna back to her room. I know you're angry with that blonde kid but please don't do anything that would get you in trouble, yeah? Why don't you just come with us? That girl isn't worth your time, Nicky."
Eyes momentarily glancing at Lorna, her heart instantly constricted. She knew she should be going back with them and making sure her girlfriend was okay. And it wasn't as if she didn't want to do that—she did. Yet, the rage towards Annalisa was even more potent. So potent that she couldn't just allow the snake to walk away without saying a damn thing to her. She couldn't leave until she was certain that blonde bitch knew not to ever cross paths with Lorna again.
"You two go on without me. I gotta finish hashin' this out with the bitch," Nicky stated, gesturing her one free hand directly in front of her to prove her point. Her eyes lingered on Lorna for a moment and an innate sigh escaped her lungs. She tilted her head a small amount, gazing compassionately into her eyes, "I'll meet you back in your room, doll. I promise, I just—I can't let this bully a yours off the hook for all she's done to ya, yeah?"
Though Lorna wasn't very keen on the idea, she gave a timid nod with a faintly pleading stare in return. "But, but hon, it's fine. You don't, you don't gotta defend me. Please, I—I don't want you to get in a fight or nothin'. I-i-it's not worth it…I'm not worth it," the last part mumbled in an incoherent manner, one she hoped was unintelligible to Nicky's ears.
A thick swallow was made from her mouth to her throat at hearing the words coming from Lorna's quivering lips. It hurt to see how vulnerable and distressed her girlfriend currently was but she needed to do this. She needed to make sure Annalisa knew to leave her the hell alone permanently because the next time she did anything to Lorna, Nicky wasn't so sure she'd be able to stop herself from physically attacking her.
"I want to defend you, Lorna, you're my girlfriend and I love you. I'm sick of people thinkin' it's okay for them to hurt you and treat you like you're some kinda punching bag. Because you're not, baby, you're not anyone's punching bag and I'm not going to sit back just to let it continue."
She took in a breath and exhaled slowly. Eyes remaining on the brown ones of her girlfriend. "There's no fighting happening, don't worry. I just need to finish making sure she stays the hell away from you, okay? You go with Alex back to your room and get some rest, you look pale. I'll be there in a few, kid, I promise."
Once the two of them were on their way out of the cafeteria, Nicky swiftly turned her focus back on the lengthy blonde in front of her. Eyes glaring into her so deeply she swore she could see her soul—and it appeared so dark it caused a shiver to run down Nicky's spine.
Having witnessed the entire conversation between Nicky and Lorna, Annalisa had a sneer sitting on her face. Her hands clapped tauntingly together as she returned the redhead's glare with one of her own. There wasn't anything she enjoyed more than wreaking havoc on the two of their lives, she silently affirmed. "Great speech, Nichols, it was real moving. Compelling even—maybe ya should be an actor cause' wow what a damn production that shit was," she mocked, letting out a chuckle.
Biting down on her lip, Nicky shook her head angrily at the comment. She brought her hand back to pull harshly on the collar of Annalisa's shirt not caring that it caused a rather faint jolt out of her. That was the least she deserved after all the damn shit she pulled with Lorna for god-only-knew how damn long. "Fuck you, Annalisa," she bitterly retorted. The anger quickly becoming too much to retain for much longer.
"I'm straight, Nichols, so nah ya ain't fucking me," the blonde menacingly spewed back, the smirk on her face only widening at the very blatant rage oozing from Nicky's.
The response only strengthened her fury. Her grip on the cotton of Annalisa's t-shirt tightened slightly—not enough to cause asphyxiation or anything of the sort but enough to make sure the blonde knew she was serious. Even though deep down Nicky would have loved to suffocate her. Suffocate her for all the fucking pain she caused a person as sweet as her Lorna. A breath was inhaled and she shook herself loose of such a desire. Now was not the time to be plotting any murders, she reminded herself.
"Like hell I'd ever fucking sleep with some evil snake like you," she started off, rolling her eyes along with the comment. "And that's not what I meant anyway, dumbass. Maybe if ya did your own school work instead of pawning it off on my too kind of a girlfriend, Lorna, ya wouldn't have such a small damn brain."
Nicky squeezed her eyes shut for a moment and drew in a breath. She needed to be quick so she could get back to that very brunette, she told herself. When her eyes reopened, they stared darkly ahead into Annalisa's. "Leave Lorna the fuck alone. I mean it. I don't want you near her, ever. I'm sick of you taunting her and bullying her. If I ever catch you doing shit to her again, I'll make sure you regret it for the resta your miserable life. Do ya fucking understand?"
The blonde snickered and bounced her shoulders in a shrug. Nobody scared her. Nobody could threaten her enough to cause fear. She shook Nicky's hand from her shirt's collar and inched her face towards Nicky's. Her mouth moved towards Nicky's ear and she pressed it against the flesh so that when she spoke next it would easily be heard by her, "I ain't fucking scared a you, Nichols. Please. If you think you're a match for me, think again. I have connections. Real solid connections with people who could kill you in seconds flat. So go ahead and try to do something to me, see what happens. I can have both you and little Morello killed easy. Don't threaten me."
The second Lorna entered inside her room with Alex behind her, assisting with the IV pole, she was greeted by the faces of her sister and brother—both who quickly stood up from their seats upon her arrival. Both of whom also had relieved expressions taking up form on their faces just as quickly as they'd gotten up from their seats. Lorna didn't stop, however, she made her way over to the bed—that now looked vastly enticing to her extremely fatigued body—and once she was within touching distance of it, she let herself slowly fall back on its mattress.
She scooted herself up towards the top where she settled in and reached for the blanket to pull up around her body. Her eyes shifted onto Alex, watching as she placed her IV pole back in its original spot on the right side of the bed. After that was completed the black-haired woman awkwardly turned around to peek a glance at her coworker and the unfamiliar man beside her, unsure of whether to stay or leave. Lorna observed the whole thing and reached for a hand out of instinct, not only because she wanted her to stay but also because she could easily notice the apprehension on her face and didn't like for anyone to feel conflicted when it came to making a decision. That was something she was all too familiar with each and every day over the simplest of things.
"Where were ya, Lorn?" Franny was the first to break the silence which had been looming through the room since her sister had entered it. Eyebrows arched concerningly over her two equally concerned blue eyes. She naturally folded a hand on either side of her hip, now turned the other way as she remained standing in front of the chair she'd earlier been sitting in. "Mikey and I were worried you were kidnapped or—"
"Oh yeah, Alex kidnapped me and was just returning me, Fran." Lorna couldn't resist but to roll her eyes at the inclination. She threw her hands up and shook her head. "I'm not incapacitated or nothin'. Why would your first thought be that I was kidnapped? I mean this is a hospital, Franny, like anyone would get away with doing something like that?"
The older brunette twisted her head in her younger brother's direction and the pair shared a look for a long moment before her attention was returned onto Lorna. A very antsy and drained Lorna her eyes rapidly took note of. "Well, Lorn, I mean after Mikey told me about him comin' here this morning to see dad near ya and—"
Lorna halted the statement by instantly throwing up her hands and giving a dark stare towards her older brother. Displeased to hear he would mention such an encounter to their sister. Their sister who already spent way too much of her time worrying and fretting over her well-being. A sigh escaped from her lungs. "I don't see why ya had to tell her that, Mikey. It wasn't a big deal," she muttered, eyes remaining on his in a distasteful manner.
"Wasn't a big deal? Lorna, I walked in on dad tryna choke ya. How the hell is that not a big deal? So forgive Franny and me for thinking he came back to finish the job while you were alone. We're glad he didn't but I mean what else were we supposed to think happened after what he tried doing to ya this morning? Can ya really blame us?" Mikey quirked an eyebrow at her, hoping to get her to better understand where their concern was coming from.
Still standing by the bed where she'd placed the IV pole only moments ago, eyebrows curved ponderously up above her worried blue eyes. Arms folded over her chest as she stared between all three pairs of siblings. Alex squeezed her hand around the one that was holding hers as a way to show her concern. She swallowed a large bout of saliva and tried to comprehend what in the world was going on. None of it made much sense to her. Obviously a lot had happened since the last time she'd seen Lorna. It was tempting to speak up but she chose to refrain since there was clearly something going on between Lorna and her siblings. And surely, Alex was not about to put herself in the middle of whatever that happened to be.
Franny shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment. She wasn't surprised one bit at her sister's reaction and attempts to brush it under the fucking rug. Something she did way too much of. A sharp breath expelled through her throat and she shifted her eyes onto her coworker who happened to be standing right beside the bed. "What brings you to the hospital?"
The topic change came as a relief to Lorna. She took that time to more comfortably situate herself on the bed, turning on her side so she had easy access to observe the discussion with.
Alex's eyes moved rapidly between the brunette sister's. So much for keeping herself out of the conversation, she thought. A shrug of her shoulders was naturally given once she fixed her stare on Franny. "Oh, uh, I work at the coffee station down in the cafeteria on Thursday and Tuesday mornings. I saw her and Nicky down there so just decided to have a coffee with them after I got off my shift," she pointed out her head naturally moving along with each word she spoke.
"Wow, what a work ethic you have," the older woman kindly stated after hearing her coworker's revelation. Her head nodded intuitively and she cocked it slightly when she heard Nicky had been visiting. If she were just in the cafeteria with those two, how come she hadn't come back to the room as well? Eyebrows arched thoughtfully up over her eyes. "Nicky's here? Why didn't she come with you two—unless she left for school?"
Sucking on her lower lip at Franny's last question, Lorna couldn't stop the innate chuckle which escaped her. Her eyes shifted onto Alex momentarily, who also had to stifle a chuckle it looked like. "You're funny for thinking Nicky would be on her way to school right now, Fran," she found herself reentering the conversation.
Squinting her eyes, Franny turned her head to stare back her younger sister. Arms folded over her chest. "Well, where is she then? How come she didn't just come back with you guys?"
Lorna swallowed thickly at the query and retreated back against the pillows. No way was she about to disclose the cafeteria happenings with her brother and sister. She already had enough shit to deal with and talk about, that wasn't going to be added to the list.
The black-haired woman gave a look towards Lorna, unsure of who was going to give the response. However, by the look on Lorna's face, it appeared she might have to be the one to answer. Clearly the brunette teen wasn't about to say anything. She swallowed and huffed out a breath. An uneasiness came over her as she pondered how much to share. "Oh, erm, Nicky had to take care of something. She'll be down here in a minute or two."
As if Alex's comment were actually a summoning, within a matter of seconds the door to Lorna's room was being opened once more.
The very redhead in question was who came in through it. Her eyes were instantly fallen on Lorna's; the intense worry she held for her after such a cruel and unexpected revelation from Annalisa made her oblivious to anyone else who may have occupied the space around them. She followed her sight to the side of the bed that wasn't near the IV pole and sat on the edge of it, reaching her arms down to cradle around Lorna's head.
Despite her contempt towards that blonde snake of a classmate, Nicky was almost positive that her comments on Lorna's being bulimic were honest. It made sense the more her mind pondered over those words. She didn't want it to be true—didn't want to believe her girlfriend had a problem that big—but the way her body kept shrinking and the mood swings, the whirling emotions, the shakiness of her body, her paleness, all of that seemed to put the puzzle together for her. Lorna really did have an eating disorder and not just a skipping meal issue. It was a lot bigger than that, Nicky finally realized. And she wasn't so sure how she could help Lorna through it all now that she knew. She wanted to—and she certainly wasn't going to leave her but she also couldn't do it on her own. Lorna needed more than just her, she swallowed uneasily. Even Dr. Poussey might not be enough to get through to her. A deep lump melded into her gut at the thought. She hoped her assumption turned out to be wrong. She hoped more than anything that Lorna's therapist would be the one to break through her thick walls so she could finally heal. Because if even Dr. Poussey was unable to—Nicky could not bare her mind to entertain the repercussions of such a possibility.
Nicky drew in a long, sharp, breath and exhaled gradually. Thoughts and fears pushed away, she brought her focus back on the petite brunette beside her. "We need to talk, kid. I love you and I need ya to be open with me."
Chapter Text
Chapter Seventy-One
That undeniably wasn't the most comforting conversation opener Lorna thought to herself. A hard lump was swallowed down to her throat. Her eyes squeezed shut as her brain tried to compute a response which wouldn't dig her hole any deeper. But the anger bubbling underneath her skin wasn't about to let that happen. The anger compelled her. It wasn't anger she felt towards Nicky—Nicky never angered her even though Lorna had a sense her outbursts didn't come across that way. No, the anger towards Annalisa. She bit harshly down on her lip. That damn Annalisa just had to be visiting her 'granny' in the same exact hospital she was in. Lorna shook her head copiously. Eyes squinting as they stared straight into absolute nothingness.
Suffocation. Suffocated. Trapped. Lorna swallowed uneasily, looking slowly around the room. She was surrounded by people who cared for her well-being, people who were there because they wanted to be—because they wanted to help her. But all seeing them did was make her feel more and more stuck. They may have all been in the same room but that didn't make Lorna's sense of being trapped any less real. She didn't feel reachable. It was as if she was looking at them through a giant glass cage. One which Annalisa trapped her in.
"Lorna…Lorna?" Nicky waved a hand in her face after several moments passed without a response or even a nonverbal acknowledgement that she had even heard her.
A breath was taken in through her nose. She couldn't fathom how so much had changed from one little altercation with the blonde devil herself. Sure, she had a strong inkling Annalisa's revelation was true but how the hell did she even find out about it? How the fuck did Annalisa know Lorna had an eating disorder but she didn't until recently? She had to stop with the swirling questions in her head. None of that mattered right now—Lorna was what mattered, she reminded herself, and Lorna was clearly not okay. Not at all. By the looks of it, she wasn't even sure if Lorna was mentally there with the rest of them. The expression on her face had her appearing so far away. Seeing such only emphasized the knot in her stomach and the constriction in her chest.
"We can't talk right now, Nicky," Lorna whispered, eyes displaying a pleading aura to them. They shifted from the redhead quickly around towards the other three people who sat in there with them as a way to prove her point. Or rather lack there of a point. She lifted both of her hands in the air and circled them around. "I don't—my brotha and sista and Alex…they're all here too and—and what if they hear us talking? That's too much, Nicky, too much. Please. I can't, not now. I feel like I can't breathe already."
It didn't take much for Nicky's ears to effortlessly pick up on the intense desperation inflecting through Lorna's voice. Her eyes closed for a moment and she sucked in a sharp breath. She didn't know how to take her girlfriend's statement. On one hand, she could understand where the brunette was coming from—maybe in a way, she was admitting to having the problems that Annalisa brought to light in the cafeteria a half hour earlier. However, on the other, maybe what her desperate pleas were only another way to keep from anyone finding out the truth. To keep them all from seeing how truly and utterly broken she was. No matter how Nicky looked at it, she settled on giving into Lorna's request. But only until she could get her alone. She needed to get the truth out of her. Because if anything Annalisa claimed Lorna was doing had actually been true, Lorna needed an intervention immediately.
"I understand it's hard for you, kid. I really do. And I'm so sorry but this is serious. We're gonna have to talk about it eventually," Nicky murmured, keeping her voice low enough so that the only one who'd been able to hear her was her girlfriend. She sighed and swallowed, allowing the tips of her fingers to delicately brush up and down along the flesh of the brunette's cheeks.
Lorna snuffled but gave a meek nod. Despite her aggravation and vast reluctance, she knew Nicky was right. She couldn't push it away forever. Not unless she wanted to end up in a six foot grave just like her mom and soon to be dad, too. A breath expelled roughly from her lungs at such a thought spinning through her mind. Maybe being six feet under would solve all of her problems, she mentally contemplated. Another sigh came out. She shook her head distastefully at herself. No matter how tempting death seemed she couldn't do something so selfish. Something that would tremendously hurt her Nicky and anyone else who happened to care about her.
A hand lifted up and slicked back dark strands of hair. Brown eyes found their way back onto the redhead. Shoulders recoiled up to either side of her face as she stared attentively ahead into the ones belonging to her girlfriend. "Can't it just wait until tomorrow, Nicky, when my therapist comes back? I can't take much more today, and it's only fucking ten o'clock in the morning. I'm so exhausted and the day ain't even a quarter a the way over," she shrieked, rubbing her hands violently around the temples of her forehead.
Covering her hands over the vicious ones franticly running up and down her temples, Nicky's chest tightened a smidge at the sheer amount of agony trickling from the younger teen's face. She brushed her palms soothingly up and down each hand they covered, hoping to bring her some form of comfort. It wasn't easy watching the girl she loved struggle so much. "Okay, babe, okay. We'll save it for your therapy appointment tomorrow. But don't you dare think I'm gonna forget because I won't. I'm so worried about you, Lorna. I just want you to get better," she spoke firmly but in a tone that was loving and caring as well.
Therapy appointment? That was the second time Mikey heard about the therapy his younger sister was in and he still had yet to learn the reason of such. He quirked an eyebrow at Franny but she kept her mouth shut, didn't even subtly hint with her face or posture. A sigh escaped. His head turned away towards Lorna's direction but he couldn't see her face since it appeared her head was facing the redhead girl who sat on the bed in front of her. That girl must have been the infamous Nicky, he thought. At least it looked like she truly cared about Lorna he observed.
He didn't intend to interrupt but Lorna was his sister, after all, and he needed to know what exactly was going on in her life. Clearly, it was more than what she was willing to mention earlier. "Therapy? Lorna, what are you going to therapy for? I feel like I don't understand anything with you and Franny anymore." His eyes squinted worriedly at the youngest brunette, wishing she'd let him in a little bit. All he wanted was to help. He felt beyond helpless right now to either of his sisters.
But the more he let his mind wander over the matter, the sooner a light bulb went off inside. He stood back up from his chair and started making his way to Lorna. "Did dad finally realize the whole incident with Uncle George might have caused underlying issues—is that what you're in therapy for, Lorn?"
That was it. That was the last straw that broke Lorna's back. Or at least in her mind it had. Lorna couldn't even come up with words to speak right then. Her mouth was tongue tied and dry—so very dry. Parched. She needed water or possibly just an excuse to get the hell as far away from that room as possible. She knew Mikey's comment wouldn't go over well with her girlfriend. Of course it would cause concern and worry to come up for her. Nicky cared way too much about her and she didn't deserve any of it. She had to get out of that room to save Nicky all the trouble.
However, when she tried to inch her way to get off of the bed she instantly felt Nicky's arms tighten dramatically around her and snatch her even closer. So close that her face was pressing right into the older teen's chest. And though it was soothing and tempting to stay right there in the arms of her lover, the tightening in her own chest told her otherwise. She wasn't worthy of Nicky's warm affection, of her pure heart that only ever wanted to keep her safe and protected. None of that was earned by Lorna. Lorna was a bad seed—bad news. All she ever did was cause a tsunami of destruction anywhere she went.
"What, uh, what's this Uncle George incident you're talking about?"
Nicky broke the quiet spell after a several minute span of dead silence. Her arms were cradled securely around Lorna's waist but her own eyes were peering straight ahead in direction of the only man in the room who had been the last to speak, the man who must have been Lorna's older brother she determined. Eyebrows were arched up curiously over her big brown eyes. There felt like an elephant had been sitting on her chest—was she finally about to learn what the cause of those bruises she found on Lorna's thighs and vagina were?
Lorna tried to twist herself around so she could give her brother a stern stare but Nicky's arms wouldn't budge any. Her eyes slowly peered up at her girlfriend and she sucked in on her bottom lip.
Returning her gaze, Nicky only pulled her closer and gave a warm kiss over her forehead. "Just relax in my arms, doll," she whispered, saddened to see the agony coming from the younger girl's face. The desperation for her to not find out about whatever this incident happened to be. Obviously it was something bad that her poor Lorna felt wasn't important enough to be shared with anyone. A sigh came out and she shook her head, strengthening her hold on the girl. "I need to know what happened and I'm not letting you outta my arms because I know what you'll do. No more, baby, no more running away from your problems. Ya can't do it anymore. It's killing you."
Let it. Was what Lorna wanted to say back but instead all she did was grind harshly down on her teeth. Everything seemed to be crashing down on her all at once and, in that moment, death sounded more and more like the best thing that could happen to her.
"Uncle George just didn't like me and mom is all. He said mean things to mom a lot and then she got sick and—"
"No, Lorna, that's not the damn incident I'm talking about and you know it," Mikey hurriedly interjected, trying to keep from yelling but damn did he forget the lengths his younger sister would go to just to keep the truth from coming out. No wonder Franny looked so exhausted all the time. She had to deal with this on a daily basis. And though they both loved Lorna, it was more than clear she wasn't completely right in the head.
Lorna threw up her hands and violently gestured them around in the air. "It don't matter what incident you're talking about, Mikey, that's not even why I'm seeing a therapist. The only fucking reason I see her is because my stupid school thinks I'm a suicidal mental case."
"Well, are you?" Mikey quirked an eyebrow at her.
The question rapidly had tears lining the bottom of her eyes. Though she resisted letting them fall, she couldn't help but feel hurt to know her own brother would even ask such a question. Did he believe she was a mental case? She swallowed uneasily and fidgeted in Nicky's arms. "Am I a mental case? What the hell, Mikey? You hate me now too?"
"No, Lorna, I don't hate you or think you're a mental case. I'm asking if you're suicidal. Are you? Is that the real reason you're in the hospital? Did you try killing yourself?"
Suicidal? Did she try killing herself? Was that why she was in the hospital? Lorna gritted her teeth even further. What the hell was this, she thought, twenty fucking questions? Rage was boiling underneath her translucent skin. It was so fierce and powerful she was shocked no one else could see her veins literally bubbling through her merely see-through flesh. She swallowed the saliva which had been building up inside her mouth and grappled a hand on the back of her neck. Something needed to be done to quail her fury. And it had to be something subtle, something that would go unnoticed by anyone else because she was damn sick of everyone getting on her case about things that weren't even true of her.
"No, Mikey, I'm not fucking suicidal and I'm real tired a people sayin' that about me. I did not try to kill myself, the school is just out to get me. I swear and so is everyone else. I shouldn't be trapped here in the hospital, I'm fine. I'm more than fine. I wanna go home," Lorna cried, exasperation and frustration seeping from her voice. She wanted out of Nicky's arms but Nicky just wouldn't suffice. So she gripped even tighter on the back of her own neck, letting her nails sink into the skin of it.
Anger coursed through her like a cat on the prowl for prey. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't shake it away. The anger consumed her whole. The same way her mind consumed weight and calorie talk. It was beyond the point of overwhelming. She could barely catch her breath from how angry she felt. She didn't even know what was causing her this intense anger. Whether it was her brother questioning if she was suicidal or the fact that home didn't mean home anymore or if it was from a mixture of everything. She swallowed thickly and scraped her nails along the back of her neck. It didn't calm her in the way she was hoping it would.
Lorna shook her head, keeping her eyes anywhere but on her girlfriend who's arms remained wrapped around her the entire time. There truly was no escaping the reality she created herself. Or rather the reality Annalisa fucking Damiva created for her. If she made it through the shitshow of a reality life dished out to her, there was a strong chance it would be the demise of her. It had to be because she wasn't so sure how much more she could take without it having such negative consequences on her mind and soul.
"I don't even have a home to go home to. I have the fucking Chapmans, Mikey, the fucking goddamn Chapmans. But I rather be there right now than trapped in this god-forsaken evil hospital. I can't stand to be in this building another night, I can't. I don't even know why I'm still here, I feel fine. I'm not sick. My therapist just thinks I'm crazy, obviously."
Seeing the defensive and frustrated stance of his older sister who was sat right beside him, Mikey shook his head at her and nonverbally motioned for her to stay put. He knew Franny had the tendency to react to everything emotionally which would only make things worse. Both Franny and Lorna reacted on emotions and he knew if he let them hash this out nothing productive would come of it. He went all the way over to Lorna's bedside and pulled a chair to the side of it from its previous spot against the wall.
His mind was still trying to process everything he'd been disclosed in less than twelve hours he'd been back from the base. The regret he had for enlisting in the military continued to intensify the more he learned what all was going on in both of his sisters' lives. He should have been there for them—he should have been taking care of them and stopping all the shit that happened from even happening in the first place. He was a shitty brother, he realized with a deep sigh.
The thoughts were shaken from his awareness so that he could focus on Lorna now. He sat on the chair he'd moved to the side of her bed and fixed his eyes on the younger brunette, who was engulfed in her girlfriend's arms. Another sigh escaped from his lungs. Though he was disgruntled with himself for unintentionally abandoning his sisters having chose to leave for the army, he was grateful his younger sister had found someone who blatantly loved her enough to be here for her through whatever it was she was dealing with right now.
"I don't know who the damn Chapmans are, Lorn, but if they're your foster family then they should be here right now. And they're not so maybe I oughta talk to the social services and let them know. Clearly, ya should be living with people who care about your health. Which obviously ain't the Chapmans," Mikey started off, lifting his hands up and circling them in the air much like Lorna had done with her own several moments prior.
A large breath of air expelled through his nose as he placed his hand on the rail of his sister's bed. "But that's not the problem here, is it? You're upset about something but I have a feelin' it's more than these Chapman folks. I don't know exactly why you're here either," he paused to take in a breath, "but I'm not blind. You don't look fine, Lorn. Ya look like somethin's wrong. I mean I know it's been a while since I was last home but ya don't look like the same Lorna anymore."
"What the hell's that supposed to mean, Mikey?" Lorna bit back, defensiveness kicking in full gear. She dug her teeth into the flesh of her tongue, not even letting up when she felt a sticky substance come in contact with it. "You think I look fatter, is that what you're tryna say? That's probably why I'm here because I'm so fucking fat."
Mikey watched with lines creased worriedly on his forehead. How did Lorna come to that conclusion from what he'd said? It wasn't even a true statement—the closer he looked her over the easier it was to see how thin and tiny her body had become. Even the last time he was there—right after the passing of Mrs. Morello—he could see how small Lorna's frame appeared. He wondered if that might have been part of the reason she was in the hospital now. Maybe she'd been malnourished from all the weight drastically melting away and that caused her passing out spell in her therapy appointment the other day.
Yet, before he had the chance to even open his mouth, Nicky was the one to respond to Lorna's slight outburst. Her hands framed delicately around each of her cheeks, holding her face out a few inches from her own. Eyes peered firmly into the younger teen's. She traced the tips of her fingers along the soft flesh of her face and let out an elongated sigh. "Maybe now is the perfect time to talk about what happened in the cafeteria. It's so obvious that you have a problem, doll, and the more you deny it the longer you'll have to deal with it. Why don't ya just be open about it, yeah?" She pushed loose strands of brown hair back with her thumbs.
"I don't have a problem, Nicky. The only problem I have is that I'm unfairly in this hospital when I don't need to be. There are actual sick people who need to be in here and I'm just taking up space for no good reason."
Watching Lorna continue to deny the truth took a heavy toll on Nicky. She swallowed uneasily but kept her focus directly in front of her on the brunette. Her hands remained on her cheeks and she shook her head at her, leaning closer so that their foreheads melded into one. "You do have a problem, doll. You are sick, that's why you're here. You need help getting better, ya can't do it alone. You have to start admitting that—"
Shaking her head profusely, Lorna peered wide-eyed back at her. Why was everyone so suddenly believing into such a narrative? A narrative brought on by fucking Annalisa of all people. One that Mikey nor Franny hadn't even been aware of and yet they, too, were buying into it. They all just wanted her to stay fat, clearly. Because if she stayed fat that meant they would all continue to be skinnier than her. Of course—it was no wonder they kept saying she needed to help and the hospital. So they could be the thin ones. But she wasn't going to allow that to continue. Oh, hell no. She was getting out of this hospital even if she had to do it when no one was watching. Even…even if she had to call in the Chapmans for fuck's sake. Lorna was desperate.
Seconds after she thought all of that her guilt rose to the surface with a vengeance. Guilty towards herself for the vindictive, cruel, mindset she had. She had no one to blame for her current predicament but her own self. This was her fault for everything that she did. And all of it clearly started the day she was born—no, scratch that, the day she was mistakenly conceived. Her father might not have thought she heard the many times he told her mother that he wished she'd have just gone through with an abortion or, even yet, a morning after pill but she sure did, with the paper thin walls and his room-booming yells, she heard every spiteful word he said about her to Mrs. Morello. And it wasn't the comments he made about herself that hurt her the most, it was the pain it caused her mom—the pain her mom took on to keep her safe. She couldn't bare the visual it brought to her mind every time she thought about it.
"My mom was sick, Nicky, with cancer. She was someone who needed to be in a place like this where she could get medicine and stuff to get rid of the sickness. None of that worked but she was truly sick. I'm not sick. I don't have cancer or anything medical wrong with me so therefore I don't need to be in this place. Someone like my mom could use this room and I am wasting it. Do the doctors and nurses not know that? Why aren't they coming in here to kick me out already?"
"Sweetheart, just because ya don't have cancer doesn't mean you aren't struggling with an illness too," Nicky affectionately pointed out, securing her hold on Lorna's face with one hand and waist with the other. A snuffle came out of her as she gazed intently into the brown eyes of her lover. She swallowed, tracing a thumb from one side of her forehead to the other. "You're not wasting this room, you need to be here. Dr. Poussey made that very clear yesterday. You are not okay, kid, no matter how many times you say you are. You're not. You have to stop with the pretending, it's only hurting you more and more. The only way you'll get better is by being honest with yourself and the rest of us. Ya gotta start being honest, doll, otherwise the lying and pretending is gonna eat you alive. Literally. Please, Lorna, please start opening up to me. You're already in bad shape, you cannot afford to get any sicker."
Mikey nodded his head agreeably, glancing at the pair of them with sad eyes. "Your girlfriend's right, Lorn, if ya keep denying what you're doing to yourself the worse off you'll be. Nobody in this room wants to watch you slowly kill yourself. Ya might not think that's what you're doing but by starving yourself of food, eventually your body ain't gonna be able to work no more," he tried to be softer with his words but naturally spoke in a matter-of-fact tone.
Everyone was ganging up on her was what it felt like to Lorna. Her eyes shifted away from her girlfriend and across the bed to her brother, squinting at him as she stared. "Starving myself? Who the hell did ya hear that from? What the hell is this some sorta intervention? Not a good one since ya failed to get a psychologist in here, too. What's next you're gonna have me locked in a mental institution? Good, go ahead. Go ahead and throw me away, please. At least I wouldn't have to go back to school tomorrow and get told how much of a damn failure I am in every single one of my classes," she threw her arms up in emphasis. Head shook at the same fast rate in which her heart-beat seemed to be climbing.
Her heart-rate was speeding up at such an alarming rate that even the monitor, which no longer attached to her body, started to beep in a profusely loud manner. She didn't care though, all she wanted was to get as far away from that entire place as possible. And the only way she could do that was by getting the damn IV line pulled out of her veins.
Nicky eyed her suspiciously and when she saw Lorna's hands making their way towards the taped IV on her forearm, she quickly stopped her by placing her own hands firmly atop of hers. "Lorna, what were ya about to do?"
"Let go of me, Nicky, please."
"Not until you answer my question. What were you doing with your hands on the IV?"
A gulp was given. Lorna tried her hardest to release her hands from underneath Nicky's but her attempts only made the grasp tighten. And now not only did her hands become constricted but so did her face from Nicky's other hand lifting up to securely frame around her cheek. A breath of air huffed its way out. "Nicky, please let me go. I need, um, I need…I—I uh I need—"
Quirking a worried eyebrow, Lorna's pleading only strengthened Nicky's grasp on her. "What do ya need, doll? It's okay, tell me what's going on in your head. I'm here to help you, whatever ya need you can tell me," she lovingly assured the smaller girl.
"I need you to let go of my hands, please," Lorna begged, peering into her eyes with strongly oozing desperation. She should have seen this coming. With Nicky's incessant watchful eyes on her, she should have known what a stupid idea it was for her to try and free herself of that IV. But, god, the anger and frustration and plain exhaustion from everything blinded her in the moment. Encouraged her to act on impulse rather than rationalizing how awful of a decision it happened to be she made.
Squeezing her eyes closed for a moment, Nicky used that time to inhale slowly. She needed to push past her own frustration right now. Lorna was a mess and she needed to be stable for her. But it was draining her quite quickly Lorna's continuous choice to ignore the problems. There wasn't enough oxygen for her to take in to prepare her on how to move forward on this situation with Lorna. So much needed to be discussed and brought to light but Lorna's refusal to even acknowledge the existences of those topics made it mere impossible.
"What are you gonna do if I let go of your hands? I need an answer. I'm not letting go until you give me one, kid. I mean it. I love you," she murmured, stroking a thumb delicately around the flesh of her cheek. Her lips gave a soothing peck to that same spot seconds later. "I love you so much but right now I don't trust you."
The more Nicky interrogated the more uncomfortable Lorna grew sitting there. If she had access to her hand she would have easily swung it up to the back of her neck and scratched roughly at it. But Nicky continued to refuse to let go of it. A sigh came through her esophagus at that point; all she wanted was to be able to leave the hospital. Was that so much to ask? Her lower lip sunk in beneath her top one. "I love you too, Nicky, but I need my hands back. Please. Let go of them, please. Why are you doing this to me? I just—I don't understand, Nicky."
Resting their foreheads back together, Nicky let her eyes meld into Lorna's. It was a challenge to see her like this but she couldn't back away. No matter how much Lorna pleaded. Lorna needed to stop running away from her problems. All that was doing and would continue to do was slowly kill her and Nicky couldn't even fathom losing the one girl who she loved so much she could actually see a future with. No way in hell would she let go of Lorna.
Letting her lips tenderly press onto the tip of the brunette's nose, Nicky pushed a couple of strands of brown hair away from her eyes. "I love you so fucking much, babe. I can't let go of you because I don't want to lose you."
Chapter 73
Notes:
Thank you so much to those continuing to take the time to read and leave kudos on this story of mine, I really appreciate it. I know it's been kind of slow, the story progression, and I'm sorry. I have so many ideas running a muck in my mind for this and I have a feeling this is going to spiral way past the 84 chapters I currently have it set to end at. Sorry!
Chapter Text
Chapter Seventy-Two
An entire ten minutes had passed since that comment slipped through Nicky's mouth. No one said anything, the room sat silently with an eerie aura throughout. Lorna felt tears lurking below the lids of her eyes and she finally moved her head to stare at everyone else who remained in her room with them. After hearing how broken Nicky sounded—nearly matching how she, herself, felt—Lorna knew the two of them needed privacy. She couldn't allow Nicky to carry such a burden any longer. It took a dark toll for she to carry it all these years and she wasn't going to let someone she loved to suffer the same fate.
Her hands remained held down by Nicky's so she couldn't give in to her temptation to slick her hair back with one of them as she often did when her nerves were flaring like they happened to be now. "Um, uh, can—can anyone who's not Nicky leave my room…please? I wanna talk to her alone," her voice lightly shook as she threw out her request. She watched as the three others gave a nod to it and started making their ways out, though she could clearly tell Mikey and Franny weren't exactly thrilled to be giving into her demand. But regardless of their feelings, Lorna watched them go out through the door behind Alex.
Once the door was closed shut again and the two of them were the only ones remaining in the room, the younger of the two drew in a deep breath and returned her head in its previous position right in front of Nicky's face. Her hands were becoming antsier by the second the longer they were constrained by one of Nicky's strong ones. She wanted them back, now, so that she could use them to bring comfort to Nicky. Because what was even more important to her than pushing away her own issues was making sure Nicky wasn't taking them on herself.
"Nicky, hon, can I have my hands back please?" This time when she asked the question her voice was soft and gentle rather than frantic and bewildered. Eyes gazed a lot less apprehensively than earlier, instead they held a strong sense of compassion for her girlfriend within them.
Now that they were alone some of the tightness in Nicky's chest released itself. Yet, she didn't budge from moving her hand off of Lorna's. She still hadn't completely trusted what she'd do if her hand did release the hold. Her breath remained hitched as she pondered over what possible things her very vulnerable girlfriend could do if she had control of both of her hands again and none of them were encouraging to her. None of them made her feel safe allowing her grasp to loosen any let alone release all together.
"I don't trust what you'll do, kid. I'm worried about you. So fucking worried. I can't lose you; I really can't." The words slightly tremored out of Nicky's mouth as she stared fiercely back at the shorter girl. Lines creased upon the flesh of her forehead reflecting just how worried and concerned she truly was for Lorna. A breath slowly exhaled out of her; she used her free hand to press onto the skin of Lorna's forehead, letting the palm of it stroke slowly from one side to the other.
Lorna swallowed uneasily when she finally had the chance to absorb fully how agonized Nicky looked before her. The way her voice faintly shook—which for Nicky was a highly rare occurrence—and how her eyes now appeared somewhat frazzled. All of it was completely taken in by Lorna's own eyes. And it only built onto her already guilty pang previously formed in her chest. Since she couldn't use her hands just yet she did the only thing she could in that moment and nuzzled her nose tenderly over the tip of Nicky's. "I need my hands back so I can comfort you, hon."
Her voice was utterly warm and soft and almost unbearably soothing to Nicky's ears. It instantly formed goosebumps all throughout the skin of her body. Once again she was left feeling vastly confused on when the attention turned onto herself. Why so suddenly was Lorna turning the tables on her? But yet having Lorna's nose so lovingly pressing onto the flesh of her own was enough to cease her questioning mind. She swallowed a lump and very slowly released her grasp from Lorna's smaller hands.
"Comfort me? Kid, you're the one I'm worried about—"
The brunette quickly hushed her by encircling both of her arms securely around her waist and finally letting her body lay back against the mattress of her bed with Nicky being pulled down along with her. She settled Nicky's head up on her shoulder so that she was still able to properly look her in the eyes. A frown molded onto her face the longer her stare lingered on her. She brought a hand up and placed it on one of Nicky's cheeks, brushing the tips of her fingers slowly up and down along its flesh. "You said ya don't wanna lose me, Nicky, and that—I just, I wanna lay here and hold you," she softly murmured, lips pressing delicately onto the rim of one of the older girl's ear.
"My, my Nicky…I-I'm so sorry you're feeling this way…I didn't…I didn't even realize how much pain I was or am causing ya," she truthfully told her after a moment of silence between the two. Her other hand was brought up to slick back her own brown hair. Something she'd been longing to do since earlier when her emotions were nearly controlling her to a point she could hardly breathe.
"Lorna, doll, ya don't have to apologize. It's not your fault—you can't control how I feel, remember?"
Nicky curved an eyebrow at her but nestled her head even closer on her shoulder—so close it was nearing the side of Lorna's face where she let her cheek press softly up against. Maybe this was exactly what the both of them needed right now. Was the closeness of each other's bodies and arms wrapped tightly around one another. At least Nicky knew she certainly needed this more than anything in that moment. Having Lorna in such a close proximity to her meant that she wasn't magically going to fade away right then and there. For as long as the two of them were laid there in Lorna's hospital bed together, neither one of them would have to fret over losing the other.
That was a comment Lorna couldn't really argue with. Hell even if she wanted to dispute it she certainly didn't have the energy to carry through. So, she gave a small nod in return and let one of her arms snake around Nicky's waist. Her arm naturally pulled the older girl closer and she utilized her other hand to reach for the blanket, bringing it up to cover around the both of them.
Though she still had the burning desire to rip that damn IV from her arm and run the hell out of the building, having Nicky curled up in her arms was sufficient to retain her from acting on such an urge. Nicky needed her for a change and Lorna certainly wasn't going to abandon her now. Nicky had done so much for her; it was her turn to do the same. Something she was grateful to have the opportunity to do. Her heart ached and bled for Nicky—she'd do anything for her. Well, anything that didn't require her revealing her own problems to her, she thought.
"I just feel bad that I've been so caught up with my own stupid shit that I, uh, I didn't even think what all of that was doing to you, hon. I love you so much, Nicky, and I don't want you taking on any of my pain. You, you don't need that in your life. You already worry way too much about me please don't try to bare my pain on top of that," Lorna softly pleaded, holding Nicky's face out in front of her own with one hand.
Resting on her side, still in Lorna's arms with her own wrapped around her shoulders, Nicky gazed into her eyes and let out a sigh. A frown melded on her face, one matching the frown residing on her girlfriend's. "Babe, you have no reason to feel bad. Ya have so much going on in your life right now and you need to open up about it, that's all. I'm worried about losing you to yourself. Why don't we talk about the incident with Annalisa? It's just us now, doll, you can be completely open with me. It's okay," her voice progressively grew softer and softer with each word that came out.
A fervent head shake was given at the suggestion. Now was not the time to be talking about any of that, Lorna already made her mind up the second she kicked the others out of the room. However, she didn't become defensive after like she usually did when Nicky or anyone suggested they talk about whatever incident had occurred at that particular point in time. Rather, she only cuddled Nicky closer in her arms and pressed her lips on the top of her head.
Hands raked tenderly through thick strands of red curls. What the two of them needed most right now, Lorna thought, was to just be there in each other's arms and love on one another. In a comforting and soothing way, of course, she revised. "Later, hon, later. I think right now we should just lay here and maybe try to rest, hmm?" Her arms naturally tightened around Nicky's waist and her eyes gradually became heavier and heavier. But she refused to let them shut until she got a response from the other.
Securing her arms even further around Lorna's waist, Nicky nodded intuitively and snuggled closer. A hand was reached up to gently touch against the bottom of the brunette's chin. "Yeah? You tired, doll?" She warmly queried, brushing the tips of her fingers along the flesh of the chin her hand was resting on top of.
The small nod and subsequent yawn she received in response was all the confirmation she needed to fully agree to the request. Maybe a nap was what they both needed right then, she thought as an instinctive yawn escaped her next. A faint chuckle followed suit. Damn yawns for being contagious, she silently commented. Her lips found their way onto the corners of Lorna's, pressing down on each one before returning her head to rest once more on her shoulder.
"Okay, kid, we'll just cuddle here together so you can get some sleep," Nicky confirmed, even though she was having a hard time now keeping her own eyes from instinctively squeezing shut.
Another yawn made its way from her mouth and she nestled her head back towards the side of Lorna's face so that their cheeks were delicately brushing against each other's. "But," she held up a finger right in front of Lorna's eyes, "later after you've had a rest, we need to actually talk about the incident, yeah? Both incidents. I mean it, babe. I know ya wanna wait til' tomorrow but I think it'd be better to start today. Because if ya put it off til' tomorrow, who's to say ya won't try putting it off til' the day after and then the day after? Once ya start procrastinating, it's hard to stop. Believe me, Lorna, I do understand and I get it. You know I'm not a big fan of being emotional in front of you or anyone but sometimes we just gotta do things that make us uncomfortable. It sucks but it is what is. Just know that no matter what, I'm here. I'm here for you and I won't let you go through this alone, baby. I'm here to support and love you through all of this."
It was nearing three o'clock in the evening when the pair had finally woken once more—or rather Lorna had woken, eyes observing her girlfriend who had long maneuvered herself over to the reclining chair a few feet from the bed. A small smile couldn't resist from forming on her face to see the peaceful mien upon her sweet Nicky's angelic slumbering one. She tilted her head slightly and inhaled a nice big breath. Even though life was going to shit for her right at the moment, her girlfriend's sleeping figure had the ability to strike her with a rather intense wave of comfort.
She sat up in her bed with her head focused straight ahead for several long minutes just watching Nicky sleep. The soft breathing that accompanied her rest infested the room with a sense of easement. A sense of calming and tranquility. Her fingers busied themselves by clawing around the pale blanket covering over her lower body, stroking and brushing it as if it were the thick mane of Nicky's hair.
The squealing of the door's opening was the only thing to snap Lorna out of her peaceful daze. Fear rapidly settled inside as she cautiously turned her head in its direction. Her mind ran with many different culprits for who could be on the other side of it and none of them were particularly comforting. She tried to calm her nerves by mentally assuring herself there was no way it was Annalisa—which in the grand scheme of things was likely the least of her problems. Sure Annalisa was menacing and demeaning towards her but at least she wasn't trying to snatch her liver—or parts of her liver—away from her. And she'd only have to put up with her for a few more years unlike her father who she was trapped with until the day he died.
"Oh, Lorna," a familiar Russian accent broke the silence and effortlessly ripped away all of Lorna's growing worries and fears.
Red gently made her way fully in the room, quietly shutting the door behind her once she caught a glimpse of her daughter's sleeping silhouette in the chair near the bed. A somber expression displayed on her face as she slowly came over to the brunette teen's bedside. She stood to the side of it, giving her a hard look over. The current predicament Lorna was in hadn't surprised or shocked her one bit. With how sickly she'd looked the past several times Red had seen her, she knew there was something seriously wrong with her.
A breath exhaled out of her. One hand gently reached out to comfortingly rest upon a pale-colored cheek. "Nicky told me you were here in the hospital. I woulda come sooner but I couldn't call off work so last minute—"
Nodding, Lorna waved a hand in the air and sat herself up a bit more. "Oh, no, I understand. I shouldn't even be here much longer. I feel fine, just real antsy to leave."
Giving a soft stroke to the flesh of her cheek, Red narrowed her eyes on her and cleared her throat. Lorna sure was good at trying to convince herself and others to believe the lies which so easily spewed from her mouth. When it was clear by her appearance she was weak and ill, her body so frail and pale that anyone who walked past could see the veins poking from her skin. Red sighed, shaking her head. How mentally exhausting it had to be to be Lorna. To constantly have to come up with lies out of wanting to not bother people who only cared and wanted to be there for her. People who didn't feel bothered at all but Lorna put it in her head that they did.
"You feel fine, huh?" Red quirked an eyebrow.
Her hand released from Lorna's cheek and she perched herself on a vacant chair a couple of feet away. She held onto the sides of it in order to scoot it closer to the bed. Once she was situated, she recaptured her previous grasp on Lorna's cheek and gazed firmly into her brown eyes. Though the young teen claimed she was fine, her eyes and face told another story. One that was easily read by Red's blue ones. She brushed her fingertips soothingly around each cheek, "Your eyes look bloodshot, Lorna. I don't think you really feel fine. You look tired."
Tired? A silent huff came out of her. That wasn't too far off from the truth, Lorna mentally acknowledged. Tired was one way of summing up how she currently felt. Tired. Physically, mentally, and especially emotionally. God was she emotionally fucking tired. Drained, fatigued. Most of all, however, she was tired of being in this damn hospital. It certainly wasn't doing a damn thing for her other than driving her mentally insane. Tired of being in that bed, watching as time continued to pass by and still she remained connected to an IV.
A sigh escaped her as she came out of her thoughts and returned Red's stare. Despite Red and Nicky not being blood-related, they both had the same all-knowing stare Lorna learned early on. Both could read her like a book and she hated that. All she wanted was to protect the people she loved, to keep them safe from the darkness she always seemed to bring with her but the surrogate mother and daughter duo easily found some way or another to halt her from doing so.
"I'm tired of a lotta things right now, Red," Lorna finally voiced her thoughts aloud. She swallowed a wad of saliva and fixed her eyes on a blank spot on the wall straight ahead. That much was true; she was tired of dealing with so much damn shit all at once. Her brain felt cloudy and numb from everything. She could barely function as easily as she once had been able to.
Red nodded attentively, lightly caressing the palm of her hand along the cheek it still rested atop of. The subtle exhaustion inflected through Lorna's voice brought a faint pang to her chest. She looked down at her with a maternal affection expressed on her face. It had to be hard on the young brunette dealing with so much and not having her mother there to help her through. Her head turned to glance around the room and besides Nicky asleep on the recliner, no one else was there.
A frown melded onto her face as she fixed her head back in its prior spot. Eyebrows curved curiously over her eyes which now were peering back onto Lorna. "Has your foster family been to visit you, Lorna?" The question spilled from her mouth, one leg simultaneously crossing over the other. She felt a breath exhale through her nose. She hoped the answer she received would be a yes—she couldn't imagine they wouldn't have stopped by. They did choose to take her in, after all.
"No," was the brunette's rather meek response. Her shoulders bounced up slightly, eyes retaining their focus on the wall. Counting how many microscopic chips of paint there were throughout it. She sighed and wished the CPS lady would somehow find out about the Chapmans' not caring enough to pay her a visit. Maybe that would prove to that damned Mrs. Figueroa how the Chapmans weren't genuinely interested in her well-being like her own sister was.
The simple no given to her query only encouraged the pang in her chest to deepen. A sigh forced its way through her esophagus. She moved her hand from Lorna's cheek to reach for one of her hands, instead, and gave it a comforting squeeze. "No? Have they at least called you or tried to reach out to you somehow? You are their foster daughter, they should be worrying about you," her voice sternly interrogated, teeth slightly grinding together the more she let her mind ponder on the matter.
A solemn shake of her head was the acknowledgement Lorna gave to Red's heated round of questioning. Nicky was lucky to have someone like Red in her life now, Lorna silently determined, someone who had so much care and love for her. The corners of her lips gradually curved upward into a vastly muted smile. Nicky deserved to have Red in her life as a maternal figure. Sure, Lorna might have been stuck with a sucky foster family but that wasn't anything compared to Nicky's upbringing, she concluded. Having to spend sixteen years living with an insanely narcissistic mother who probably spent a lot of the time neglecting her certainly couldn't have had a beneficial impact on Nicky's mental well-being.
She swallowed and shook her mind loose of the many thoughts causing a muck inside her head. Her mind wasn't making it easy for her to focus on what was happening on the outside, that much was clear. She shifted her head somewhat so that her eyes fell onto Nicky's sleeping form once more. So peaceful and angelic, she thought despite the smile morphing into a frown. Nicky held on to a lot of her own pain and probably hadn't been sleeping enough in the night from being swallowed down by it. Lorna bit into the flesh of her tongue as the realization dawned on her. Of all the people in the world Nicky was the last person who deserved to be taken into the vortex of her dark and twisted world. She brought a hand up and pushed back strands of her brown hair.
"They haven't come by to check in on you or called?" Red questioned one final time, mostly out of disbelief for the behavior her foster parents were showing. It angered her a great deal to think about. Seeing Lorna's head bob up and down only fueled the anger further. The thought left her mouth tasting quite bitter. She folded her arms over her chest and gave a firm stare across at the teen. "I'm sorry, honey. I can't believe they aren't here to make sure you're all right. I mean they chose to foster you—no one made them do it, they wanted to help and now they have the damn nerve to not even call you? Do they even know you're here?"
"S'okay, Red. It's not a big deal, really. I mean they're not my real family, anyway, so I'm not upset by it."
Lorna shrugged her shoulders while keeping her stare on Nicky. Watching as her chest slowly moved up down. At least she had Nicky. Even though Nicky spent way too much time fussing over her. She sighed. Nicky shouldn't be trapped with her. It was obviously taking a toll on her and Lorna refused to let it persist. She couldn't, not when she loved Nicky as much as she did. She couldn't allow her to sink into the hole any further with her. It would only continue to hurt her.
"No, it's not okay. They are legally responsible for you right now, Lorna, and they need to be here with you. But they aren't. And that's not okay. Normal parents—regardless of if they're fosters or not—would be panicked if they haven't heard from their child but the Chapmans' haven't even been concerned enough to pick up the damn phone to call you? What kind of people are they?"
Red shook her head and tried to push away the anger. She busied herself with gently brushing her thumb along each of Lorna's knuckles. It hurt her motherly heart to know these foster parents weren't even trying to reach Lorna. She wanted to find where they were and shake the stupid out of them but knew how poor of an idea that was. Instead, she settled for just continuing the soothing motion on Lorna's hand and observing her with two concerned blue eyes.
"Mrs. Chapman isn't real fond of me, really. She probably is glad I'm not there to get on her nerves. I just wish the stupid CPS lady would let me go back to Franny's place. I'm sick of the Chapmans'." Frustration trickled through her voice.
Said frustration did not go unnoticed by Mrs. Reznikov. Her lips curved down in a frown. It was understandable for Lorna to feel frustrated. What she was dealing with was enough for anyone to feel frustrated. Hell, she wouldn't blame her for being pissed off too. It certainly hadn't been fair for one person to be forced to go through as much as Lorna currently was. A breath forced its way out through her throat. She gave a gentle squeeze to the hand she was holding and used her other one to wave in front of the brunette's face to regain her stare.
Once brown eyes were looking into her lighter colored ones, Red drew in a deep huff of air. "Well, does this CPS worker ever drop in for visits? Because I, too, think she should be made aware of this situation. I don't think it's right for your foster family to have you when they can't even pick up the damn phone to call you. You should be with people who truly care about you and the Chapmans' actions clearly contradict that. Hell, I'm tempted to track down this CPS lady and tell her myself," Red stated, shaking her head distastefully.
Lorna rolled her head around her shoulders before recoiling them upwards in a shrug. "She came once but I don't know how to call her or nothin'. Franny filed for guardianship of me anyway, so, she should be hearing back from that soon…I hope," the last part spoken in more of a whisper. She shifted her eyes down on the blanket, letting the threads captivate her attention momentarily.
"That's good, then. Hopefully soon you'll be moving back with your sister." The Russian school nurse patted Lorna's hand and gave a concurrent nod.
Sunlight poured in the room from the window behind Lorna's bed, immediately enticing Red's blue eyes to peer in its direction. Spring was on the cusp and she couldn't be more grateful. Winter was a depressing time of year, she deemed. Her frown turned up into a smile as she watched a couple of birds fly from one branch to the next. Once they were out of sight, she brought her stare back onto Lorna. "So, how did ya pass out? Is it from your lack of food intake?"
The heat of the sun could easily be felt on the tops of her shoulders from its beams shining in through the window behind her. Such sensation was sufficient at keeping her irritation from displaying outward. She stared right back at the older woman, blinking her eyes as if they would magically give off some sort of signal. "I don't know, I was just—I think I was just overwhelmed is all. I don't not eat. It had nothin' to do with food, Red."
"Hmm," the school nurse hummed in response. She certainly hadn't believed Lorna ate but wasn't keen on starting an argument with her over the fact. Not now when she appeared so fragile. Rather, she let go of her hand and decided on settling it right atop one of her knees which remained covered by the threaded blanket. "What were you overwhelmed about, honey? I know there's a lot going on in your life right now. That can't be easy," she patted her hand tenderly against the knee it grasped.
"I don't know—I mean it happened when I was in therapy. I felt like Dr. Washington and Nicky were both kinda ganging up on me and it's just not fair. I don't understand why they and everyone thinks I have an issue with food. I don't. I have no problem with food. Why do you think I don't eat, Red?" Lorna queried, waggling an eyebrow interestedly at her.
Red looked her over methodically and sighed. She felt for the young brunette; she really did. Lorna had a lot going on right now, it was no wonder she might have been suffering with a food problem—even if she refused to admit it. She gave her knee a squeeze and tilted her head a bit. "I'm sorry you feel that way, Lorna. I don't think they were trying to gang up on you or anything like that—they just want you to be honest with yourself, sweetheart. You're not being honest with you or anyone else. I don't just think, I know you don't eat. Why?" She repeated the question, now folding both arms over chest as she lifted an eyebrow.
The other nodded and Red took in air. "Because you are skinnier and skinnier each time I see you. Your skin is so pale that we can almost see right through it."
Her eyes kept watch on Lorna to see her reaction and wasn't surprised at all when she noticed her defensive nature start to kick in. Sometimes the truth needed to be given in a raw manner, she thought. Especially to someone like Lorna who happened to be one of the most stubborn people she'd known—after her Nicky, of course.
Air loudly puffed out of her. "I've been a school nurse since probably before you were born, honey, and I've seen a lotta students come in my office in that time. I know an eating disorder when I see one and there's not a doubt in my mind you have one."
"But, Red, that's crazy. I don't have one."
Red quirked an eyebrow at her. "And what makes ya say that?"
The brunette swallowed uneasily, her head shaking profusely. Hands fidgeting in her lap, the palms growing incessantly more sweaty by the second. "Because I don't. And fuck—even if I did, that's the least of my problems right now. I am so, so, fucking messed up, Red."
Chapter Text
Chapter Seventy-Three
Lorna's statement widened Mrs. Reznikov's eyes a tad bit. That wasn't something she had been expecting to come from her mouth of all people. Not that it was a bad thing, she corrected—no, she shook her head at herself, that was a good thing to hear slip out of Lorna. Hearing her say such meant she was starting to accept things in her life weren't always okay. Maybe, even, starting to accept that she wasn't particularly okay right now. It was a start, at the very least.
Her hand reached across to grab a hold of Lorna's once again and used her thumb to softly caress around the top of it. "Lorna, sweetheart, you're not messed up. Just because you're going through some shitty things does not mean you're messed up," Red firmly reassured the frantic appearing brunette. She tightened her hold on the hand resting in her own when she noticed a few stray tears leaking along Lorna's pale cheeks. An ache formed in her chest to see the young girl merely crying. Something she probably refrained from doing at all costs for god-only-knew how long.
Despite Red's attempt to comfort her with those kind words that were spoken, Lorna felt anything but comforted and reassured. She swallowed a lump and shook her head. Red didn't know her. She didn't know shit about Lorna, no one did. They didn't how deeply screwed the fuck up she was inside. And it wasn't any of their faults for not knowing—she refused to let them in on what was going on inside. Because she feared if she had that it would somehow fuck them up, too. The last thing she wanted was for the people she held so much love and compassion for to be caught up in her tangled web of fuckery. None of them deserved it. They were all way too kind and caring towards her to deserve to be brought down with her, she deemed.
Eyes found their way back onto the older woman sitting at her bedside. They effortlessly took in the expression on her face, seeing the warmth and compassion melded to it. Her observation only strengthened the guilt she felt. It was a never ending cycle of guilt and self-loathing. A never ending cycle of desiring to tell the truth to everyone but always losing to the unrelenting guilt. To the unyielding hatred towards herself. No matter how bad she wanted to break free of the pain, she knew she'd never be brave enough to fall through with it. Her self-hatred would always outshine the crippling inner pain. She would never feel deserving or worthy enough of anyone's affection or comfort. And she knew if she cracked and finally let the truth out that eventually it would lead her right back to her destructive tendencies. There was no way around it. She would eternally be right back where she was now—trapped in her own metaphoric hospital bed. The walls constantly caving in on her and the more she pondered on being open with Red and Nicky the closer those walls got to her.
The silence felt rather eerie to Red as she sat in her chair watching Lorna seemingly contemplate something in her head by the way her eyebrows microscopically moved about her forehead. It instinctively encouraged her to release the hand she was holding so that she could, instead, cup either side of Lorna's face in both of hers. Having it in them, she gazed softly into her dark eyes. Absorbing the pain that tried a little too hard to hide itself from anyone who looked. A sigh escaped.
"What's going on in your mind, huh? What're you thinking about?"
Lorna opened her mouth but shut it just as quickly. The sound of shoes scuffling against the tiled floor snatched her attention rather swiftly away from the conversation. Her head naturally twisted around in direction of where her ears had heard the noise and wasn't too shocked to find the culprit to be Nicky. The now groggily woken Nicky, she observed. She watched as the redhead stretched her body from one side to the other and she couldn't resist the smile that shaped onto her face.
Having heard muffled voices in her sleep, Nicky squinted her eyes the second they opened. After her body had properly been stretched she focused her opened eyes on the people those voices belonged to and gave a small smile to the pair. Since she'd been in a deep slumber during their discussion, she had no idea what they were saying or if the smile on her face happened to be out of place but she didn't let it falter.
Her eyes averted from Lorna to Red and she tilted her head slightly. "Ma, what're you doing here? It's only eleven in the morning, thought you'd still be at work," she asked, curving an eyebrow. But then she retracted the eyebrow movement, realizing she just inadvertently admitted to skipping school.
"Actually, Nicky, it's three thirty now," Red lovingly pointed out, throwing a soft smile her way and a little chuckle when she saw the shocked mien that appeared on her face after she'd heard of the truth. She threw up her hands, waving them playfully in the air at her daughter. "And now I know you skipped school, so thanks for telling on yourself."
Nicky frowned, deterring her eyes away from the older woman and onto her petite girlfriend still sat up in her bed. "It was for good reason that I skipped today, ma. Lorna needs me right now and I'm not leaving her."
A gentle nod was given to her and Red's playful demeanor hurriedly morphed into a more serious one. She brought both of her hands together and folded them neatly in her lap, giving an affectionate gaze over to the redhead teen. "Of course, my Nicky, I was just messing with you. I'm not mad at you for skipping school—in fact, I expected you to. I know how much you care for Lorna. It's good she has you here with her. She needs someone," eyes circled back onto the brunette, head shaking at the remembrance of the absence of the Chapmans', "since it's clear her foster family doesn't care for her or her health. What a sad, pitiful, shame that is."
The older teen nodded her head in agreement with her mother's statement. She, too, had felt bitter towards her girlfriend's foster family for neglecting to even have the decency to call and check on her. What kind of foster family willingly took in a child just to fucking abandon them when they needed to be cared for most? Her head shook in anger at the thought. The anger was enough to force Nicky up from the recliner and over to Lorna's bedside.
When she got there, she—without hesitation—perched herself on the edge of the mattress and wrapped a warm arm around Lorna's shoulders. The motion naturally pulled the younger girl closer. Her lips brushed against the top of her head. Eyes peered ahead at her surrogate mother as a sigh pushed its way up from her lungs. "I don't trust the Chapmans, not anymore. They should wanna be here to make sure she's okay but I guess they're just phonies," she commented, shrugging her shoulders. Her stare fixed down on Lorna, one hand lifting up to cradle around her cheek. "I'm so sorry, kid," she whispered with a disheartened frown on her face.
Air huffed out of Lorna as she mirrored Nicky's behavior with a shrug of her own. The Chapmans were the least of her worries, she inwardly thought. With everything happening, she couldn't care less that they weren't trying to contact her—in fact, she was grateful they weren't. She needed a break from them, anyway, because they were only making the problems worse. Despite having no clue about any of them.
Her head found its way onto Nicky's shoulder and she snaked her arms lovingly around her waist, cuddling as close as she could to her. Craving the closeness and the warmth her body provided. The innate security and safety. "S'okay, hon. Really. I'm not bothered by the Chapmans not coming. I rather them not, honestly—they're too much. You don't have to worry about it," she softly assured the older girl, leaning her head back just enough so that her lips could press against the side of her face.
Though a displeased sigh made its way out, Nicky nodded and snuggled her closer. Maybe Lorna was right to say that, she pondered, maybe it was for the best the Chapmans weren't here. It would only complicate things even further for Lorna and she really didn't need that, not right now on top of the other goddamn shit. Nicky grit down on her teeth, shifting her eyes back and forth between her girlfriend and mother. Now that she'd been more awake, she was curious to know what they'd been discussing before she woke up.
"What were ya two talking about? I heard voices while I was asleep but couldn't really make anything out," Nicky voiced her questioning thoughts aloud, resting the side of her face against the top of Lorna's head that was laying on her shoulder right below her cheek.
Red gave a look to Lorna, who didn't return it, and had a momentary contemplation with herself on how to respond to her daughter's query. It took only a few minutes before she settled on answering with the truth. She couldn't enable Lorna's self-destructive behaviors. Eyes moved onto Nicky once more, who stared back with concerned eyebrows curved above her brown ones. "Well, I was just asking Lorna what was on her mind. She was crying and telling me how she thinks she's all messed up."
A lump was swallowed thickly by Lorna after hearing Mrs. Reznikov's answer. Her eyes rapidly averted between the two redheads before settling on Nicky again.
Nicky returned Lorna's stare with a deeply compassionate one. One arm she kept wrapped around her waist and the other was brought up to cradle around the back of her head, gently maneuvering it down towards her chest. Lips pressed against the top of it once it had neatly been tucked in the crook of her neck. "Why, why do ya think you're messed up?" Her voice faintly cracked as she asked her question.
"I mean it's not that I think that, Nicky, I know I'm messed up. I'm so, so, so messed up. And—and, erm, I don't want to infect you or Red or anyone with my messed up nature," Lorna muttered, an involuntary sniffle shaking out of her throat right after. Tears were lined at the bottom of her eyes, ready to spill over at any given second.
Head shaking, Nicky pulled her closer and combed her fingers lovingly through her dark brown strands of hair. "No, kid," she muttered back, gradually rocking them from side-to-side. "No. No. Hell no. You are not messed up, not at all. Why would ya say that, Lorna? Why would ya say that about yourself? There's nothing, abso-fucking-lutely, nothing about you that's messed up." Her arm tightened around Lorna's waist, pulling her as close as she could possibly have her.
The pain lurking in Nicky's voice brought a strong pang to Lorna's chest. Nicky was hurting because of her. Again. All she ever seemed to do was cause pain to her Nicky. Her sweet, sweet, Nicky who deserved only good things. She bit down on her lip, the only thing she could do in that moment. The tears remained at the bottoms of her eyelids, still threatening to come out at the blink of an eye—literally. She swallowed hard and a breath of air slowly puffed inside her.
"Nicky, I am messed up. Believe me I am. I can't—I don't know if you'd be able to understand the reason why. But I am beyond messed up at this point and-and I don't think I'm fixable anymore."
Hearing the agony, the despair, the hurt all inflecting out with each word Lorna spoke was heart constricting. No matter how many times Nicky swallowed she couldn't get rid of the tightness lingering in the back of her throat. A breath exhaled through the nostrils of her nose and her arms brought Lorna even closer. She took a few silent moments to sit there with Lorna resting on her chest, her brown waves sprawled against the flesh of her neck and chin. Wishing so damn desperately that that was somehow enough to shield her from the pain. To protect her from any further pain.
But as she tilted her head and gazed down onto Lorna's face, she realized no matter how badly she wished for her arms to keep her safe from all the hurt in the world that it would never become more than a wish. Pain had to be felt in order to move on. Even if she loathed the idea of her angelic girlfriend suffering through any more of it. It needed to be experienced by her so that she could properly heal from everything.
Nicky swallowed uneasily and did the only thing she felt was right. Pressed her lips affectionately over the corner of Lorna's forehead. "No, baby, you're not. You're not messed up. You've just been dealt a real shitty hand in life and that's not your fault. It doesn't make you messed up. The only ones who are messed up are your dad and fucking Annalisa. Okay? Do ya hear me, kid? You are precious and god—the damn sweetest person I've ever met," the words cracked once more as she felt a few loose tears come falling from her eyes.
Her hands brushed sparse strands of brown hair gently away from Lorna's brown ones. A frown morphing onto her face. Crying used to be such a foreign entity to her but now it seemed to become a rather close friend. It left a weird taste in her mouth to come to that conclusion. She really let her guard down, quite a lot recently. Of course, she only did that in Lorna's presence—maybe Red's, too—and it was an easy trap to fall into. Lorna made her feel safe, made her feel comfortable enough to show her vulnerable side. That was how she knew the brunette was who she was meant to be with, even though she still hadn't been certain of the existence of soulmates. But if they were real there was not a single doubt in her mind that Lorna was hers.
Red took it upon herself to rejoin the conversation at hearing Annalisa's name being brought up. Eyes squinted as they looked in both teens' direction. "Annalisa? What's this blondie caused now?" She shook her head, lifting a hand and wagging it randomly up in the air. "I swear that child ain't nothin' but trouble. Mrs. Mendoza said she spoke with the principal about her yesterday afternoon…Something oughta be done about her."
Lorna swallowed when she heard the disclosure that the school counselor had actually done what she'd assured her she'd do the last time they met. She was somewhat grateful, now, for being stuck in the hospital—at least that meant she wouldn't have to deal with the repercussions of such event. Or maybe she would since Annalisa was aware of her current whereabouts. Either way, the tightness in her throat hadn't eased up any.
Her girlfriend's silence caused a sigh to expel from Nicky's windpipe. It shouldn't have come as a shock to her and it technically hadn't—moreover, it only saddened her. Would Lorna ever be willing to admit the sufferings thrown at her? The question wore through her mind. But she didn't have the time to sit and be metaphorically eaten by her queries for long. The sound of a throat clearing confirmed that rather swiftly.
"Yeah, Annalisa never fucking stops. We had a little run-in with her this morning down at the cafeteria." A scoff easily slipped through Nicky's mouth while at the same time her shoulders innately bounced up to the edge of each of her cheeks. "I mean for fuck's sake—of all the damn places and hospitals in this city, her granny had to be in this one? What the fuck kinda twisted matrix is this, ma? It's like the universe is enjoying taunting Lorna. I don't fucking get it."
The building anger influenced a frown to shape on Red's face. She scooted her chair closer to the bed and reached for one of her Nicky's hands. It was cradled lovingly in her own and she brought it over to her lap, holding it in both of her hands. Stroking the top of Nicky's knuckles with fingertips from her left. "Oh, Nicky, I don't get it either. I don't get why someone would be given one thing after the other but I'll tell ya it's not fair. Not fair at all and I wish there was more I could do to help," she softly said, shaking her head along with her words.
Eyes gradually landed on Lorna and her heart felt heavy. "What might help is talking to us about your pain, Lorna. At least what's going on at school with Annalisa. You shouldn't have to continue to put up with her and if ya don't open up about what's going on, how can we help?"
Her stare darted between Red and Nicky. A large swarm of her own saliva was uncomfortably swallowed down. It was draining to keep being pestered on the pain she may or may not have been feeling or the shit she may or may not have been going through. And what exhausted her even more was the part of her that refused to allow anyone in. It weighed heavily on her mind, her heart, to continue to talk herself in circles. She wanted a way out but her incessant self-hatred refused to cease. She wasn't sure how much longer it would be before she finally cracked.
With a breath of air taken in, Lorna lifted a hand and pushed back her hair from her face. She had her other hand resting exhaustively on her cheek, looking across at Mrs. Reznikov with a somber mien. The hole she trapped herself in wouldn't stop getting deeper if she continued to hide from the reality of the situation. She knew that—god did she fucking know that. But the though of climbing out terrified her. Terrified her so much that it was almost easier to stay put—to give up on even the possibility of getting out.
"I don't—I don't even know where to start, Red. I just…I told Nicky I wanted to wait until tomorrow to talk about any of it."
An eyebrow arched up ponderously. Red folded her arms over her chest, trying to decipher what that meant for Lorna. Whether she truly was planning to open up or if it was only another excuse to prolong the discussion. "Hmm, why tomorrow? Why can't you start talking about things today? I know it's not easy but if you keep putting it off you'll never feel ready to start," her Russian accent gently pointed out.
Everything she said was only the truth. Lorna knew damn fucking well the longer she refused to open up the harder it would be to do so. But yet that didn't bring her any closer to wanting to open up. At least part of her didn't desire to do so—the other part, however, did. She felt highly conflicted as she sat there, eyes fixated on Red. The hand on her cheek she moved to her temple, slowly massaging it around her scalp.
Why couldn't she just fucking be honest with those who so blatantly cared for her and wanted to help her? Why did she have to be so fucking stubborn—so damn fickle about every fucking thing? Her mind whirled with questions. Questions she had no real answers for. She didn't understand why she was the way she was. Why she hated herself as strongly as she did or why she had no ability to be honest with her girlfriend or her family. No, she corrected, it wasn't that she didn't have the ability—she did—she just refused to be honest. And she didn't know why. Or she did know why but rather she didn't know why she felt like her being open with anyone would cause them pain. Would it really?
There formed a hard knot in the back of her throat. If her constant resistance was having this negative of an impact on herself, god, she couldn't even imagine what it must have been causing Nicky. Sweet, loving, compassionate Nicky. A breath of air slowly sucked in through her mouth as she moved her head to look up at the redhead who's arms were so warmly wrapped around her body. Hands reached up to take her face in them. "I'm so sorry, honey," her voice spoke no louder than a whisper.
Scrunching her nose and eyebrows, Nicky released her arm from her shoulder so that she could frame both her hands around either side of Lorna's face. Their eyes instantly melded into one; one hand gently glided towards the brunette's ear where she softly curled a loose strand of hair behind. "Why are you sorry, kid?" She inquired, pressing her forehead warmly against that of her girlfriend's.
"For a lotta things, hon. I know I'm not easy to deal with. Hell even I have a hard time dealing with myself and I'm me," Lorna threw up her hands and let out a faint chuckle at her own comment. A snuffle followed shortly after. "I just…If I feel so tired from my own insanity—I can't, I can't even think what it's making you feel. And I just, I'm sorry for hurting you. I don't want ya to hurt cause' a me, Nicky. I really don't."
Drawing in a sulk of air, Nicky let it enter all the way down through her windpipe to her lungs before she decided on responding. Needing that time to think and rationalize rather than acting on impulse as she was always so eager to do. She allowed her eyes to close for a second and then opened them back up, nuzzling her nose delicately against the tip of Lorna's. "Lorna, you're not at fault for the way ya keep it all inside. You are very stubborn and sure, I get frustrated sometimes with your resistance towards everything. But none of that is your fault, doll. You just, you've been through a lot and it makes being vulnerable so much harder for ya. I understand that—"
"Nicky, that's not true. I am at fault for what I do and I should be sorry. Because I'm selfish by not fully opening up to you. I know I am and I wish I could stop being the way I am."
Nicky shook her head. "No, Lorna, stop it. You're perfect the way you are; I don't want you to change—"
The brunette mirrored Nicky's stance, shaking her own head and backing it up a small amount to look her precisely over. "Come on, hon, we both know that ain't true. Ya really think this," she gestured her hands sharply at her body while her eyes kept their widened gaze on Nicky, "is perfect? Because it's not."
"Lorna, I meant you. You're perfect, you don't need to be different."
"Oh, so, ya think my body's ugly then?"
Red heard enough. She stood up from the chair she'd been silently watching the pair from and came over to the bed to intervene. Sitting down on the edge of it, she placed a hand on one of each of the girls' shoulders. Clear as day she could observe the distress expressed on both of their faces and she frowned. Neither of them deserved to be struggling as much as they were. Too much for young teens' like themselves, she silently thought.
"Both of you need to just take a minute to calm down and breathe. Getting upset and worked up isn't gonna solve a thing, girls." The middle-aged Russian woman suggested while giving them both a firm stare, eyebrows waggling above her gazing eyes.
A groan was loudly released from Nicky's throat at her mother's words. Yeah what she said might have been the truth but that didn't make it any less irritating to her ears. She could have been right at the fucking tip of a break through with Lorna and Red just swooped in and stopped that. It wasn't purposeful, but, god it still fucking pissed her off. If everyone else would just stay the hell out of her and Lorna's conversations, they might actually fucking get somewhere other than circling right back to where they already were.
She was getting sick of it. So fucking sick of it. Breathing wasn't going to make any of it better—easier. Wouldn't stop Nicky from losing her shit nor stop Lorna from continuing to dig her own grave. The only thing that could potentially help either of them was to keep talking—to get upset and fucking breakdown. Not bottle it all up and pretend everything was peachy, Nicky rolled her eyes at the fucking thought. Lorna already had been doing exactly that and it was getting her absolutely nowhere. She certainly wasn't fucking better off for suppressing every last one of her emotions.
Yet, as her eyes looked right back into the blue eyes of her mother, she couldn't stay angry and frustrated for long. She knew Red was right, deep down. Ending up in an argument with Lorna wouldn't solve their dilemmas, either. It would likely only push Lorna farther away from her and that wasn't in her best interest. The more Lorna pushed away from her…from everyone, really…the easier it would be for her to continue taking part in her self-destructive behaviors. Which, no doubt, would one day take her life if she refused to stop. Nicky couldn't fucking lose her. No way. She wasn't risking it.
So, taking Red's kind-hearted advise, Nicky closed her eyes and breathed softly in through her nose. Once the air released back out of her mouth, she opened her eyes again and gave a nod to both Red and Lorna. "I guess you make a good point there, ma. But I just…I just wanna help Lorna, so bad. Why won't she let me?" Her head tilted down and she peered frantically into the brown irises of her girlfriend, "Why won't you let me help you? It's killing you and—and it's killing me too, kid."
Tears rapidly formed at the bottoms of her eyes. Nicky hurt too much for her. It needed to end, it really did. Lorna swallowed a hard lump and sniffled in some air. Her hands shakily reached up to cup around either side of the older teen's face. An unsteady nod was given. "I know, I know I'm hurting you, Nicky. I hurt, too. And it's real hard…because I, uh, I, erm—"
Nicky sniffed in a breath and covered her hand atop Lorna's, lightly brushing the tips of her fingers against the flesh of her knuckles. "Because what, babe? I'm sorry, I—I know this isn't easy for ya. But, god, isn't keeping it all inside harder?"
Bobbing her head up and down slowly, an unexpected sob escaped her right at the same moment. Her teeth dug into the flesh of her tongue and she gripped tighter on the redhead's cheeks. "You, you have no idea how hard it is, hon," she spoke, her voice merely inaudible from how low her tone was.
Giving a slight tilt of her head, Nicky had to bite down on the side of her mouth to keep from allowing her own sob to escape. Lorna's voice may have been quiet but it certainly hadn't snuck past Nicky's ears. Big brown eyes grew softer after hearing the heartrending comment; she swallowed uneasily and stroked her lips onto the corner of Lorna's forehead. "I don't. But I can imagine it's exhausting. And so heavy on your precious, sweet, heart yeah?"
Lorna nodded. The tears not once relenting from her eyes. They poured down her cheeks in masses. As if her eyes were storm clouds in the sky and her cheeks were a dried lake craving a vast volume of water. "It feels like I can't breathe most of the time. And I—I feel so confused and conflicted, Nicky. I don't know what to do."
Red watched them closely, sitting a few feet away and felt the former tightness in her chest reignite itself. "What's making you feel that way, Lorna honey?"
"There's two parts of me, Red, is what it feels like. One part a me wants to be open and honest with Nicky and everyone else…but—but there's another part a me that won't let me do that. I probably sound insane," Lorna muttered, fixing her eyes down onto the blanket.
Shaking her head solemnly, Red reached a hand to place on the brunette's shoulder. She couldn't fathom how much pain the poor child before her happened to be harboring inside of her. Her hand squeezed soothingly against the shoulder underneath. "No, you don't sound insane. You sound like you're hurting. Really hurting, honey."
Nodding agreeably with her mother's observation, Nicky's chest and throat tightened up. It hurt so fucking bad to know how deeply scarred her Lorna was. She pressed another kiss to the same spot on her forehead. Then another and another and another. "What won't this other part a ya let ya do, doll?"
"Be open with you. Because…because there, uh, there's—there's something disturbing that, uh, that, um, that, erm, happened. And, and if I…if I tell you, hon, I'd be—I'd be dirtying you the same way I of been dirtied."
Chapter 75
Notes:
A really dark, twisted, sick chapter. I'm sorry in advance.
Chapter Text
Chapter Seventy-Four
"You two little girls need to stop with all the fucking chatter," George Mendez's voice boomed through the living room of his brother's house on one late summer evening.
Eleven year old Lorna gulped immediately upon hearing her uncle's words echoing through the room. Ever since the Morello's started their annual family reunions five years earlier her father always made sure to invite Uncle George to spend the week before the event at their house. An entire week of pure agony in young Lorna's mind. None of them—aside from Mr. Morello—could stand George Mendez. He brought with him an eerie aura. An aura that left the entire house feeling unsettled.
Franny pushed up off the couch, slightly standing in front of her younger sister to shield her from their uncle's view, and gave him a hard stare over. He was a sleazy, greasy, man. A sick man. He shouldn't be allowed out in public, she thought, let alone allowed to be staying for an entire seven days in her family's house. Near her and Lorna. Hell, she was more concerned for Lorna's safety than her own. Lorna wasn't even a teenager yet, hadn't even begun her puberty journey and yet their perverted uncle sat up in Mr. Morello's recliner, staring hungrily at the petite child. It sickened her, angered her, made her hands ball into fists to see him check out her kid sister like that.
George eyed her suspiciously from the recliner, picking up his beer from the end-table and chugging the rest of it down. "The fuck are ya doin'? Sit down so I can keep an eye on your bratty sister. You're blocking my view."
"Blocking your view? Your eyes don't need to be on my sista. They're demented eyes and I'm not letting you gawk at her anymore. It's disgustin'. You're disgustin'," the older brunette spat out, darkening her glare on the man. The man who fucking didn't deserve to be sitting in their living room, chugging that damn beer, giving such a grotesque sneer towards she and her sister.
After inhaling a deep breath in through her nose, she carefully released it and shook her head. He was just like their father but worse. If that was even possible, she thought. Mr. Morello was a shit of a dad the last year—drunken angry, borderline abusive, of a father—but at least he didn't sit there staring sensually at his two young daughters like Uncle George never ceased from doing.
The bottle of beer now void of any liquid, he slammed it back down against the coaster it had rested on prior and snapped his head in direction of his older niece. Glaring just as darkly right back at her. She wasn't nearly as sexy as her little sister, he determined the longer his eyes lingered on her lengthy body. No, he had no use for her. He wanted Lorna—such innocent youth that emanated from her. An innocence and naivety that had him craving for her.
He grumbled out a breath. With that damn weasel Franny refusing to get the hell out of the way, he knew he had no chance of getting what he'd been desiring. And that was a damn crime, he thought. George Mendez always got what he wanted, what he fucking craved—this was no different. If he wanted little naïve Lorna he was damn well going to get her. No matter what it took.
Settling back down on the recliner, he pushed his back against the cushion and turned his head in Franny's direction. The sneer on his face he tried to disguise as a smile. But he knew he wasn't a fucking smiler. Smiling made him want to hurl. He cleared his throat and did his best not to let it appear forced. "You know, I believe your boyfriend stopped over earlier. Maybe you should go give him a call, Franny. I mean he looked like he really was missin' ya. I'm just sayin'," his hands went up in the air the same time her blurted out the statement.
Something about how he was looking at her while informing her of such rubbed her the wrong way. It didn't seem genuine at all, only made her think he was only telling her that to get her out of the room. Arms folded defensively over her chest. She wasn't stupid and she definitely wasn't about to let her sister be alone in this room with their perverted uncle. "Yeah, sure. If he really wanted to see me he could fucking reach out by phone. Ya really think I'm dumb enough to believe anything you say? I know what you're tryna do."
"I ain't tryna do nothing. I was just tryna be a nice uncle and make sure you knew your boyfriend came by but I guess you're just a heartless bitch, huh? No wonder your dad's taken up drinking again," he snickered, shaking his head. Eyes looking casually up and down Franny's body. He was glad he only had to deal with his nieces for a few days rather than stuck living with them like his brother had to. He'd be constantly drunk, too, living with these soul-sucking, emotional draining, vermin.
Hell, he thought, just the mental conversation was exhausting him. He needed another beer. His feet roughly planted themselves down on the wooden floor and he snatched the empty one from the end-table quite harshly.
While he was occupied in the kitchen, the two brunette sisters were relieved to be rid of his presence. Even for only a few moments.
Lorna finally moved, lifting her head so she could look up at Franny. Her legs dangled from the sofa she sat on, too short to reach the floor from the position she was in with her back all the way against the cushion. She wished she was even smaller—small enough to not be seen by their uncle. Their uncle who made her insides flip around any time he came around. And it hadn't been the good kind of flipping, she thought. Not like when she was excited for summer or to go shopping with her mom. No, this felt more like her organs were being slowly mauled to death by a bear. A bear called Uncle George.
The paleness of her face formed a frown on Franny's. None of this was right, fair. This was their home—a place that should make them feel safe and happy but now left them uncomfortable and constantly fearing they were going to do something to cause an anger outburst whether it be from their father or uncle. Whoever happened to be in the room with them at the time. Her head shook bitterly. They shouldn't have to fucking feel this way all the damn time, she angrily thought. They shouldn't have to live in trepidation in their own goddamn fucking house.
And it wasn't like their mom hadn't tried her damnedest to talk Mr. Morello out of asking his brother to stay with them. Because she did. She fucking did. Stansie always did everything and anything she could for the three of them, Franny knew; none of this was her mother's fault. She tried so hard to fight Mr. Morello on this but hell, with his drinking habits in full swing, no one could win an argument against him. Not unless they wanted a beating.
It was as if her thoughts had some sort of magic to them because not long after she stood there angrily thinking about Mr. Morello and his out-of-control alcohol consumption, he came in through the front door with what looked to be a case or two more of beer. She shook her head in disappointment, biting down on her lip to stop it from faintly shaking. It hurt seeing what he'd become recently—ever since he'd gotten back in contact with his brother—he used to be a loving, kind, generous father and now all he did was drink and yell. And, god, their poor mom. She cried herself to sleep most nights, Franny could hear it through the thin walls between their rooms. It wasn't fucking fair. Stansie put all of herself into the relationship, put all of herself into the three of her and her siblings, put all of herself into trying to help Joe…and all she fucking got in return was her drunken husband's screaming matches. Franny hated watching her mother suffer with all of it.
Mr. Morello walked in the room and stopped right before the doorway into the kitchen. He twisted his head around to gaze at his daughters. "The fuck are ya two doing just lazing around my living room for? It's a damn mess in here. Get to cleaning. We have a guest over, it's fucking rude to leave the house lookin' like this," the words slurred slightly through his teeth, alcohol already leaking from his breath.
"Jesus, dad, did ya fucking drive home drunk? Your breath smells like fucking whiskey and it's not even noon, yet."
Tightening his grasp on the two boxes of beer in his arms, he gave a hard stare towards his oldest daughter. Who the hell was she to fucking interrogate him in such a manner? The question ran through his mind. His mind which was slightly subdued from the three shots of whiskey he'd had before heading home from the liquor store. "You have no authority to speak to me that way, Francine. It ain't none a yer damn business what I choose to do, ya hear me?"
Rage bubbled beneath her skin. She yearned to slam something, to cause a piercing sound through the room but that would only make her as bad as her dad she realized. Would likely only cause her little sister more fear. She wouldn't do that to Lorna. Lorna was already so terrified of their father and uncle, she didn't want Lorna to also be afraid of her. So, instead, Franny settled for only clasping her hands together. "Well, no, I do actually. I do, because you're our dad and what messed up shit ya decide to do affects me and Lorna and Mikey. I mean you're fucking drunk and you drove home that way, you coulda killed someone. Do you not care what that would do to your family or other peoples' families? Do you not care what you're doing to mom by fucking drinking yourself to death all the damn time?"
Watching the conversation from her spot on the couch, Lorna felt her cheeks moisten with tears. When did her family become such a mess? She lifted her hands up and covered them against her ears. Maybe if she kept them covered she could pretend none of this was real. Pretend that her family wasn't falling apart more and more each day. That her uncle wasn't a demented, possible, sex offender. That everything was peachy and fine.
"Ya know, Francine, can ya just shut the fuck up? I'm the parent here, not you. I know what the hell's right and wrong, I'm not a fucking idiot—"
"Are ya sure about that, dad?" Franny bitterly interjected, folding her arms over her chest and peering her father up and down. He was so drunk that she easily watched as his body unstably moved from one side to the other as he stood near the kitchen doorway. All she could do was shake her head in disappointment once again. "Because most parents don't get drunk at fucking eleven o'clock in the morning every goddamn day. Most parents who know right and wrong also know not to fucking drive when they're shit-faced like you clearly are. I mean if ya really think ya know what's right and wrong then clearly you are a fucking idiot. Because you know drinking to oblivion and then getting behind the wheel is wrong and you did it anyway, dad. That makes you a fucking idiot. A fucking idiot who coulda hurt or killed people."
Mr. Morello darkened his eyes as they looked his oldest child over. The nerve she fucking had to speak to him like that. Oh did it piss him off. Did it make him want to beat the attitude the hell out of her. He turned his head to see if there were any witnesses around—Lorna sat on the sofa, hands on her ears and eyes closed, looking like the crazy child she was—and he was glad to see none were around. At least no credible witnesses. Lorna wouldn't say anything if he could help it.
He inched himself closer to the tall brunette and when she appeared to have her focus elsewhere, he grabbed her by the neck and forced her against the wall. His grip remained tightened around it as he held her in place, gazing menacingly into her blue eyes. "Ya better get rid a that attitude a yours, Francine. That fuckin' holier than thou attitude, get the fuck off your high horse. Ya ain't better than me just cause I drink," he spat in her face, not caring that his saliva was falling onto the teen's face. Who winced every time it did.
Franny did her best to keep her composure. Freaking out and getting upset would only make Mr. Morello angrier. And that would only lead to more yelling and pain for her. Which would then lead to more fear and worry for Lorna, who she noticed already looked so terrified sitting on the couch a few feet away. She grinded down on her teeth, bringing her gaze back onto her father. He appeared so cruel in front of her with his hands grasping harshly at her neck and his eyes so dark she could barely differentiate his pupils from his irises.
"I may be a drunk," he went on to say, moving his face closer to Franny's—so damn close she was able to feel his breath on her. It instantly caused a discomforting shudder out of her. Mr. Morello nodded his acknowledgement. She deserved to feel uncomfortable. She fucking did, he thought, after she fucking stood there having the audacity to scream at him. His head shook copiously. "But you—you're a damn whore, Francine. A dirty whore. Don't think I don't notice your parade of men coming in and out this damn house. And quite frankly it makes me sick."
The next thing they knew, Mr. Morello was lifting his hand and bringing it closer and closer to Franny's face. It was only a matter of seconds before it smacked fiercely, loudly, against her cheek. "I oughta ground ya for being so rebellious."
Everything was all too much for Lorna. She thought her hands would be able to stop her from hearing what was going on but it only muffled the sounds a very slight amount. She still heard the nasty things their father said to Franny. The mean way his hand abused her big sister's cheek. It was enough. Way more than enough. The tears began flowing from her eyes and she stood up off the couch, running her way over despite Franny's attempts to nonverbally tell her not to. She didn't care what happened to herself—all she wanted was to come to her older sister's defense. Franny didn't deserve to be called such yucky names, she thought. She didn't deserve any of what their dad did to her.
The minute she approached where Franny and Mr. Morello were standing, she threw her short arms around Franny's side and tried desperately to pull her away from the drunken, angry, man. "Leave Fran alone, dad. None a what you said is true or nice. I'm gonna tell mommy that you hit Franny—you're so mean," the words shook out of her voice. Her voice which grew louder and louder the more she spoke. She did her best to not sound scared because she knew that would just make it easier for her dad to taunt her. And, now, she needed to be the tough one. For Franny. The big sister who always protected her. It was her turn to return the favor, she determined.
"Oh you're gonna tell mommy, are ya?" Mr. Morello chuckled.
He shook his head and then turned it so his eyes were fixed on the younger brunette. The little pipsqueak of a brunette, he corrected. She was a damn weasel compared to the rest of her siblings. Fuck, he irritatingly thought, even before she was born she was a damn weasel. She wasn't supposed to exist and having her standing right there with Franny—in his eyes, rudely interjecting their conversation—pissed him off in a manner he could not explain.
One hand released from Franny's neck and was moved over to grab harshly at the smaller child. He gripped onto her shoulder, digging his nails into the blade of it. "Mommy's on a business trip until Friday, little girl, so she ain't gonna be able to help ya. Now, you better just stay the fuck outta ya sista's and me's conversation, ya got that? You know what—I think ya oughta be punished for interrupting us," he muttered, a smirk forming on his face as he thought up the perfect punishment.
Lorna gulped uneasily the second she heard her father's revelation. Five days stuck in this house with her dad and uncle and no mom? She felt her legs wobble slightly. It was going to be a long, horrific, five days she realized. Her eyes widened and she moved her head to look up at Franny, who only returned the stare with an apprehensive one of her own. She swallowed and returned her attention onto their father. As much as she didn't want to, she settled on apologizing and begging for Mr. Morello's mercy. Otherwise she knew things would only get worse.
"No, please, dad…I-I'm sorry, I'm sorry. I'll just go away and uh and leave you two alone. I'll clean my room. Please don't punish me, dad, I'm sorry," she pleaded, trying her hardest to sound believable but it left the bitterest of tastes in her mouth.
A chirpy snicker sounded through Mr. Morello's throat. He grabbed Lorna by the shoulders having just released Franny from his grasp and dragged her backwards towards the staircase. Once her feet were planted onto the bottom step, he let go of her and watched as her petite body fell against the rest of the stairs behind her. "Yeah, you better hurry the fuck up there and get cleaning. And while yer fuckin' at it, clean the bathroom too. Ya brat, thinking you have any right to interrupt me. Go on, get," he yelled, stomping his foot against the wood as if to scare her away.
He turned back to Franny and gestured his hands between her and the stairs. "You go on and get up there and clean too, young lady. You girls have some goddamn fucking nerve. Stop spending so much time with yer damn motha," he stated, not moving from his spot until he saw his eldest child comply by his demand.
After she was all the way up the stairs and out of view—hopefully out of earshot as well, he thought—he yelled into the kitchen for George. "Get the hell outta there. I need ya to fuckin' help me discipline my unruly eleven year old, George," he called out. There was no allowing Lorna to get away with such disrespectful behavior. If she wanted to act like an adult then he was going to make sure she knew what adults really endured. Little brat, he shook his head.
It wasn't much later when George came back through doorway with a fresh beer in his hand. He brought it to his mouth for a sip and squinted his eyes as he looked his brother over mysteriously. "And how do ya want me to discipline her? I mean I can think of a couple ways," he let his voice drift off as he imagined finally having his Lorna under his control. Ever since he'd first started coming around he had a strong lust for little Lorna. And this gave him the perfect fucking excuse to do what he wanted.
"She wants to act like an adult and interrupt my conversations then she can be treated like one. I don't care what ya do with her, but something needs done and I ain't in the mood to deal with her shit. She shoulda never even been born. Fucking goddamn broken fucking condom. Lorna was a damn mistake."
Lorna was knee deep into organizing the dolls on one of her bookshelves when she heard the sound of her door squeaking open. Thinking it was only Franny, she didn't stop what she was doing. "I'm not done yet, Fran. I don't wanna get in no more trouble please don't come in," her voice quivered as she placed the last doll back on its space on the shelf. After she'd spent a good ten minutes dusting each one. She knew if the wood wasn't shining her father would throw them right back off again and make her re-clean them.
"You don't wanna get in no more trouble, don't you?"
The second she heard that voice she knew it wasn't her sister who'd opened the door. The color in her face instantly drained and she became merely frozen in her spot. She couldn't even move her head to see who was lurking in her room. Heck, she didn't need to see to know it was her demented uncle who had addressed her. She felt a knot quickly morph in the pit of her gut and wished she could somehow poof herself right the hell out of that room.
Mendez slowly made his way wholly in the room, making sure to close and lock the door behind him, and perched himself on the end of her bed. He watched as Lorna timidly turned to him, eyes widened with apprehension and a whole lot of trepidation. Exactly what he wanted to see displayed on her face. Her face that only intensified his desire for her. He didn't give one fuck that she wasn't even a teenager yet. That she had the body of a fragile child. He craved her. To touch her, to fucking stroke her. To fuck her. Something about the innocence of a child turned him on. And the fact that his brother gave him free reign to do what he wanted with Lorna made it all the more easier.
"Well, Lorna, I'm afraid it's too fucking late for that. Your dad gave me permission to punish you. Said if ya wanna act like an adult then it's time ya be treated like one," he moved off the bed and walked to where Lorna remained frozen in front of her bookshelf. Kneeling slowly down on the floor beside her. A smirk swiftly shaping onto his face as he reached to place his hand on her arm.
The unwelcome touch caused a violent flinch out of the brunette child, who tried her hardest to pull away from him but soon learned how bad of an idea that was.
Within seconds of her refusal of his touches, she found herself being forcibly picked up off the floor and thrown onto her bed. She closed her eyes hoping he would just leave her there, afraid and alone, but when she opened them a minute later she was met with his body hovering unnervingly close to her own.
The smirk on his face widened at the sheer volume of agony on Lorna's. He straddled her small body with each of his legs on either side of it, his hands holding her harshly down against the mattress. He finally had her right where he wanted. Where he'd wanted to have her for the past several years that he'd known her. "You wanna be an adult then I'll treat ya like one, little girl. Ya ever been fucked before? Course' not cause you're supposed to be a child. But guess what right now ya ain't. Right now you're gonna let me do what I want so you learn how much ya don't wanna be an adult right now."
Shaking her head, Lorna lifted one of her legs since her hands were out of commission from the tight grasp on her shoulders and she swung it up and kicked it at her uncle's groin region. She wouldn't allow her own genital region to be violated if she could help it. That was a place no one was allowed to touch, no one but her. Especially not her mean uncle. She didn't want his filthy hands anywhere near her private parts.
He hadn't accounted for Lorna to be so resistive. She was always so reserved and compliant with authority in her life that having been kicked in the penile area came as quite the shock to him. However, if she thought that little stunt was going to deter him then she had another thing coming. Once the pain subsided enough, he pushed himself up and hovered right back over Lorna's petite body. A snicker vibrating through his windpipe as he stared her down. She didn't even try to escape during his downtime, he laughingly concluded.
"Nice try, Lorna," he chuckled, pushing her right back into the mattress.
This time he made sure both of his legs were digging into the sides of Lorna's so that there was no way for her to move and try to pull another stunt like what took place just minutes prior. He moved his hands up to her face and held them around each cheek. As his eyes hungrily peered into hers, he found himself gradually becoming harder and harder in his genital area. The sensation caused the smirk on his face to instantly widen and he let his hands slide from her cheeks all the way down until they got to right above her vaginal region.
Everything inside of Lorna appeared to stop working. The desire to get out of her uncle's grasp dissipated the second he regained his composure and forced her back onto the bed. There was no use trying to escape him. She was a weakling compared to him. Her dad gave him permission to violate her and there wasn't anything she could do stop it. Sure, she could scream and fight him but ultimately all of that would only lead to worse consequences. Which she was too afraid to find out what those could possibly be. It couldn't be much worse than being violated by her own uncle, but she wasn't keen on finding out either way.
Lorna sat motionless in her chair. Eyes gazing blankly at the wall behind her therapist's desk. It was nearing noon on Friday and though she'd still been stuck in the hospital, at least she was able to get the hell out of her room for her therapy appointment. Her therapy appointment which now she regretted having gone to as she sat numb as shit in that damned plastic chair. Dr. Washington's in-patient office felt a lot less comforting than the one in the outpatient clinic. It felt much more sterile in here, she noted.
A breath of air involuntarily exited through her esophagus making her slightly squeal as it pushed out of her mouth. She didn't pay any mind to it. Her mind didn't seem to function properly right now anyway. She could barely remember she was in her therapist's office let alone whether the sound had come from her or another person. The room was cold and her body shivered from a random gust of wind whirling past her. But just as soon as that occurred, something warm was wrapped around her body. She still had no ability to adjust herself to see the culprit of such a sensation, however, the fact that whatever was wrapped around her was able to pull her closer to it made her piece together it was likely another human and not only a blanket or jacket.
When a pair of lips softly rested on one of her ears she was able to confirm the thing wrapped around her was not a thing but a pair of arms belonging to another person. And because she had momentarily ago—in high trepidation—disclosed pertinent information about her past, she instinctively assumed those arms, those lips, to be her uncle's and her body responded automatically with a violent jolt.
Feeling Lorna push away from her after having appeared so tense in her arms, Nicky felt her heart shatter in a manner she never thought possible. All she wanted was to provide a loving embrace for her girlfriend. To wrap her in her arms and keep her safe but Lorna clearly wasn't okay with that, she sadly observed. It hurt. But she swallowed the hurt down. Lorna wasn't doing that on purpose, she tried to gently remind herself even though all she wanted to do was take Lorna back in her arms and never let her out of them again.
Having witnessed the scene play out, Doctor Washington stepped in with the clearing of her throat. She readjusted the glasses on her face and gave a sympathetic stare in Nicky's direction. "I know after hearing what your girlfriend just shared that you want to comfort her but she's still a bit edgy right now from having to talk about an event she likely hasn't thought about since it happened or maybe a little after it happened. So, your touch might have brought her right back to the incident and scared her," she carefully tried to explain to the clearly puzzled redhead.
"But I don't wanna scare her. I love her, Dr. Poussey. I just wanna take care of her," Nicky cried out, finally allowing her tears to fall.
Nodding intuitively, Poussey grabbed a tissue and gently handed it to Nicky. "I know; this isn't your fault. Lorna just needs a breather."
Chapter Text
Chapter Seventy-Five
A breather Lorna's mind repeated. A breather. A damn breather wasn't enough to make her feel any better. Wasn't enough to undo what had already been done. What she'd already let happen to herself all those years earlier. She could have stopped it. She tried to stop it and failed. That was what she was fucking good at—was fucking failing. She failed at protecting herself, failed at school, failed at fucking life. What was the point of her damn existence? She wondered that quite a bit recently. The point of her life was empty—there didn't seem to be one the more she pondered over it. Certainly if her existence had a point, she wouldn't be requiring the help of a damn therapist in the first place.
Despite her reservations towards needing a breather, Lorna did use that time to suck in a large puff of air. She felt it slide all the way down her throat and into her lungs. A sense of relief followed but it only lasted a brief second before the discomfort set right back in. Her legs shifted in the chair she occupied and though she craved the soothing touch of her girlfriend, she didn't think that was what she deserved after sharing the disturbing past she experienced with both her and Dr. Washington.
The silence had lasted long enough she decided upon breathing in a few more times. She swallowed a coating of saliva from her tongue and cautiously turned her head from where it had been positioned for the past half hour. Her eyes now naturally looked straight ahead at the therapist, who was patiently waiting for her to speak on the other side of the wooden desk. Having Doctor Washington's eyes on her made the nerves she already felt intensify even further.
"It's um, it's cold in here. Really cold. A lot colder than your other office," Lorna told her, her stare having not faltered since she moved the direction of which way her head was positioned. It was likely a meaningless thing for her to say but those were the only words she could get to come out of her in the moment. Anything else was too much, too overbearing. Her mind still felt like it was frozen in place. Like talking about the incident somehow drained every last feeling, emotion, thought from her mind.
Poussey nodded encouragingly. Though Lorna's comment had nothing to do with the earlier discussion, it was a start. A start for her to finally find her voice after having appeared to be stuck in a trance for nearly the past forty minutes. "Yes, it is chillier in this office. I think because it's in a hospital that might be why. I don't know why they like to keep hospitals so cold. I guess to freeze out the patient's illnesses," she tried to lighten the mood with a small joke but it went unto deaf ears. At least in Lorna's case. However, shifting her eyes onto Nicky, she caught the small smirk that briefly lit up on her face and threw a sympathetic smile her way.
If only they could freeze out the insanity, Lorna bitterly thought. Maybe she wouldn't be so screwed up then. She snuffled and tensed her shoulders by bringing them forward for a couple of seconds. When they released she felt no difference. Just numb and over everything. "Can they freeze out the crazy?"
Curving up her eyebrow, Dr. Washington shift the positioning of her legs and swallowed uneasily. "Freeze out the crazy? What are you talking about, Lorna?" But just as quickly as the question slipped out of her, she realized what the brunette teen was hinting at and sighed. A frown molded onto her face and she gave Lorna a head shake. "You're not crazy, Lorna. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have made the comment I made."
"But I am. I am crazy," Lorna cried out, throwing her hands up in the air. "I feel crazy. So crazy."
Insane would be a better descriptor, she thought, but mutually the words were both the same. Crazy, insane, fucked up. All valid descriptors of Lorna Morello. All the same meaning and all the saneness she once displayed was long dissolved away. Was it her fault she was the way she was or was it her uncle? None of it mattered. She was insane and nothing could fix her anymore.
"Well, why do you feel crazy?" The therapist gently queried, quirking an eyebrow at her.
As Lorna fixed her eyes on the ceiling, seemingly trying to piece together a response, Doctor Washington glanced over at Nicky. A sigh made its way out when she observed the disheartened mien expressing on her face. Wanting to include her but not sure how, she reached for a dixie cup and filled it with water before carefully handing it over the table for her to grab.
Nicky gratefully took the cup and gave an appreciative nod towards her girlfriend's therapist. She hadn't realized how damn parched her mouth was until she'd nearly chugged the whole cup of water in one go. It felt amazing, the water sliding through her esophagus all the way until it reached her throat. The parched sensation rapidly washed away. Both literally and figuratively. She sighed, placing the empty cup onto the small end table on the other side of her chair and then returned her attention onto the brunette right next to her. Her arms yearned to wrap around Lorna but she refrained herself. Lorna needed time. She wasn't about to cause her any more tension or unease.
"I don't know. I mean. I just I feel crazy. I'm like a tornado. Everywhere I go things get real fucked up. Because I'm fucked up. I'm the domino that ruins everything. A domino tornado that's what I am…no I'm a crazy domino tornado and I don't know how to live anymore. Live normally. I just feel so numb and confused and out of control and it's driving me to the point of insanity. No amount of therapy is gonna make me better, Dr. Washington. You should just write me off now," Lorna gestured a hand at her, shifting unnervingly in her seat.
She inched her head to the side and peered next to her at Nicky. Eyes saddened immensely to look her over. She felt shameful of her behavior towards Nicky earlier, even though she knew it was what was best. Nicky didn't need to be dirtied by her any longer. Nicky didn't fucking deserve any of the stress and pain she so easily caused her. But, yet, despite that—despite all of it—Nicky never complained, never backed away from her. Which only made the shame stronger. She didn't deserve Nicky.
"Write you off?" Dr. Washington rapidly shook her head at her client's heartrending disclosure. After all of what had happened to her—all of what had been done to her—Lorna still seemed to think everything was her own fault and that couldn't be farther from the truth. She closed her eyes for a quick second and swallowed a wad of saliva that had been formed at the bottom of her mouth. "That's not gonna happen, Lorna. I would never write you or any of my clients off for things that aren't any of their faults," her voice softly assured the young teenager.
The short-haired brunette woman inhaled a sharp breath and rummaged through one of her desk drawers for a peppermint teabag. Once she'd found one, she took it out and wheeled her chair over to a shelf slightly to the right of where she'd previously been sitting and grabbed the teakettle from the warming station. It was brought back with her to the teabag, set on the surface right beside it, and a paper cup was picked up from a stack on the other side of her desk. Both the water from the kettle and the teabag were placed inside the cup.
She cautiously handed it over the desk in Lorna's direction. "Take this, Lorna. It's peppermint tea. You're shivering, this'll help warm you up. And calm you. Do you ever think about trying yoga or meditation?"
Lorna took the cup and shook her head. What possible reason was there for her to do either of those two things? On top of every other damn thing she had to do or stress about the last thing she needed was more fucking shit to add to her list of shit to fucking do. "No. I don't have time for any more stuff. I'm already stressed and overwhelmed—that would just make it all worse. I feel like I can't even breathe most of the time. Everything is out of control, I just want control back. Please," her voice pleaded. To whom she had no clue but she truly desired to have control over her life again. Because right now it felt as if she was being suffocated. Constantly. Nonstop.
Observing her closely, Poussey frowned to see how tensed up she was suddenly getting once again. "It's okay, Lorna, no need to panic. You don't have to do anything you don't want to. It was only a suggestion. I still think it might help you with the stress but you don't have to do it if you don't want." She tried her best to reassure the young teen but quickly noticed her words were having no effect.
It wasn't long before her eyes witnessed the tremoring of Lorna's legs violently grow more intense. Her breathing fastened and became so loud that she could hear it halfway across the room. She sighed and got up from her desk, hurriedly making her way over to her client. The vacant seat on the right of Lorna, she settled herself into it, and turned so that she was facing the teen.
"Lorna, are you okay?"
"I, uh, I-I don't know."
Poussey nodded, arching her eyebrows worriedly. Out of the desire to bring comfort to her client, she wanted to place a hand on Lorna's arm as a way to steady and ground her but she refrained from doing so. Instead, she grabbed Lorna's teacup that was sat on the coaster on the table between their chairs and held it out in front of her, "Here. Take this tea and have a small sip, Lorna. You're having a panic attack. It's scary, I know, but it'll pass. You just need to relax or try to relax. And a little sip of your tea will help."
Lorna shook her head, tears finally forcing their way out, and she turned it towards her therapist. Staring desperately into her eyes. "I didn't, I didn't tell him I didn't want to be violated, Dr. Washington even though I didn't want to be. Is that – is that why—"
"No, no, no. Lorna, sweetie, no, that's not why it happened. It didn't happen because of anything you said or did. You're not the reason or the fault of why or how it happened. Okay? Do you understand that?"
"But he-he violated me because I didn't tell him not to. I let him touch me and-and have his way with me. I'm dirty. I'm so, so dirty. I got what I des—"
The older woman quickly interjected with a copious shake of her head. The shakiness in Lorna's voice strengthened her desire to comfort her with an embrace but she wouldn't do anything to provoke the trauma she'd endured and only a half hour ago had felt safe enough to share with the two of them. "You didn't deserve any of what was done to you, Lorna. He violated you because of his own sick desires. Not because of anything you did or didn't do. You are not at fault for what happened. I know it's hard for you to believe that, and that's okay, it'll take a lot of time for you to accept you're not at fault. But you need to be open about your feelings when you can, okay? Talking about it is what will help you work through it."
Brown eyes averted onto the liquid sloshing about in the cup held between her two hands. The cup was warm from the tea, instantly warming her freezing cold palms. She swallowed thickly and lifted the cup slowly to her mouth for a small sip. It warmed her throat the whole way down, she noticed the second she drank the tea. Of course focusing on the tea was only to distract her from going any deeper on the topic of her demented uncle, she knew. She couldn't think about that any longer, it just made her feel so unbelievably gross. Sticky, dirtied, nasty. No matter what anyone else thought or said, Lorna knew she was the only reason the incident occurred. She should have tried harder to stop him. But she didn't because she was fucking weak. Weak and pathetic. Not fucking good enough to be with a person who truly loved and cared for her like Nicky had.
Several more sips of tea were taken before Lorna settled the cup back where it previously sat on the coaster. Legs switched positions so that the one that had been underneath was now crossed over the other. Lorna turned her head and gazed beside her at Nicky. Within a couple of seconds, Nicky's head was turned in the same direction and her brown eyes melded into Lorna's. The desire to say something to her was there but she didn't know what to say. How to say anything, really. After having shared the uncle incident, she didn't feel she was worthy of ever speaking to Nicky again.
Having not spoken directly to Lorna since right before the therapy session, Nicky couldn't keep quiet anymore. With everything that had been revealed to her in such a short timeframe, she needed to say something. Needed to show Lorna she cared, that she was right there with her and wasn't going anywhere. And though the desire to hold her hand or wrap an arm around her waist was strong, Nicky did her best to refrain from giving in. She wasn't about to do anything that would unintentionally push Lorna away.
"Lorna, babe, I'm—I am so sorry you had to go through something so scary and horrific. And I'm even sorrier that you—that you felt you had to keep this all to yourself for three…no four years. God. Jesus fucking Christ."
Nicky did her best to keep her voice soft and gentle but the thought of someone—a fucking relative for fucking hell's sake—abusing Lorna, her Lorna, her sweet and precious Lorna, in the sickest, most fucked-up way possible made the entirety of the blood inside her boil. Made her skin crawl, her insides churn. Made her crave revenge. She wanted to find this uncle of hers and torture him so much worse than what he'd done to Lorna. To find him and tie him down so she could cut off his disturbed manhood. The part of him that he clearly thought made him superior to others, to fucking angelic Lorna of all fucking people. She wanted to cut that off and make him eat it.
He needed to pay for all the fucking pain he caused Lorna. The pain she spent years and years hiding from everyone. Covering up by self-destructing even further. Starving herself and nearly dying and none of them fucking noticed until now. They all failed Lorna. It wasn't just her uncle or her piece of shit father. It was everyone, Nicky bitterly thought. Even herself. She failed Lorna. Lorna was her girlfriend, her best friend, her soul and she fucking failed to piece together any of the damn signs. She failed to notice just how deeply fucking scarred the love of her life was and she was peeved with herself. So very peeved. She knew Lorna better than anyone—she should have seen this. She should have fucking seen this.
The silent battle in her mind caused an apprehensive expression to manifest on her face.
Lorna noticed this and frowned. A knot twisted its way through her gut. Her pain was rubbing off on Nicky and she didn't like it. She really was a fucking domino tornado. Anywhere she want, destruction followed. Air exhaled loudly through her mouth; she finally decided on moving one of her hands from her lap and brought it closer to Nicky until it found its way onto one of her hands. She patted it softly and then picked Nicky's hand up in hers, squeezing it tightly. Carrying it over to her chest and carefully placing it near her heart. Lorna held it there for a while before she broke the silence.
"It's okay, hon. I mean it happened a long time ago. I'm over it now. I just don't like to talk about it. Or think about it. But it's okay."
"No," the older teen gritted her teeth. She maneuvered their hands so that hers was cradling Lorna's now and the tips of her fingers tenderly ran along the flesh of it. Her head shook at the words her girlfriend spoke echoing through her mind. None of it was okay. Absolutely none of it and she wasn't going to fucking allow Lorna to say that shit.
But before she could speak up again, a throat was cleared and she slightly tilted her head in direction of where it originated from. Not surprisingly she found the culprit to be Lorna's therapist. Who, as she stared at her, gave her a firm stare back and gestured her hands towards her sides—motioning her hands up and down in the air as if to wordlessly remind her to breathe. Nicky grumbled but complied and did exactly that—sucked a couple of drawn out breaths until she felt the anger subside a decent amount.
Her attention was brought back to Lorna and she cautiously reached her other hand over to lovingly cup around one of her cheeks. "It's not okay what happened to you, doll. Not at all. Your uncle had no right to fuck—to hurt you like he did and it's not even legal for him to have done what he fu—what he did," she tried her damnedest not to let her anger get the best of her. The anger wouldn't help comfort Lorna like she had been wanting to do with the words she spoke, she knew. It wasn't easy to suppress herself from swearing—something that was innate within her—but she tried and that was all she could do, really, was try.
Not legal. Not legal? Eyes squinted as she timidly moved her head back in direction of her therapist. What the hell did not legal mean? Legal wasn't even a thought that had popped in her mind until Nicky mentioned it now. Was she so naïve—so fucking clueless—that she hadn't even known what was done to her or, as she felt, what she let happen to herself was against the law? "Did-did I do something that, that uh, that broke the law? Am I—can I go to jail for what happened?" Her voice tremored as she brought some of her many whirling questions to light.
"Oh fuck," Nicky whispered to herself and covered her mouth. She hadn't meant to make Lorna feel bad about anything and yet, somehow, she managed to do exactly that. The hand that was still held in hers she lifted it up and carefully brought it up to her lips, allowing them to press a comforting peck over each of Lorna's pale knuckles.
Watching the pair of them, Doctor Washington sighed and shook her head at Lorna. "No, you did not do anything. You're not at fault for what your uncle did to you. He's the one who hurt you and he's the one who broke the law because of that. The only person who should go to jail for the incident is your uncle. You are innocent in all of this, Lorna."
"Her dad should go to jail too, I mean he fucking let his brother molest her. He told him to punish her and pretty much gave that sick, evil, demon of a man permission to fucking do such vile, cruel things to Lorna. To fucking Lorna. Lorna is an angel, a fucking angel who doesn't deserve any of the sick shit that was ever done to her. It's not fucking fair. None of this is fucking fair," Nicky spitefully interjected, unable to fight the rage any longer. She couldn't take it. Any of it. Lorna was dealt way too much fucking shit for one person and not a damn ounce of it was fair.
Infuriated tears lined Nicky's eyes and she didn't care to stop them from falling. All that mattered to her was defending Lorna. The one person who showed her what it was like to love and be loved. The one person who had the purest, most precious, heart there was and she was fucking abused in one of the cruelest, fucked up, ways. How the hell was that even fucking remotely fair? She questioned angrily in her head. It wasn't. Not one damn fucking damn bit, her head shook furiously.
"Nicky, stop, please," Lorna pleaded, grabbing the hand that was wrapped around hers and carefully switching the positions of them so that hers was now holding the other. She turned her head and peered fiercely into her girlfriend's big brown eyes. Eyes that held anger and rage. Anger and rage that she wished she could make disappear.
A breath was slowly drawn in, Nicky bit down on the side of her cheek and let the air take its time exhaling back through her nose. She needed to keep as calm as was possible. Lorna needed her more than she needed revenge.
"Nobody is gonna go to jail, hon. My dad's too sick and maybe will die and my uncle won't be around anymore. There's no reason to get the law involved or nothin'. It happened a long time ago anyway, who the hell would believe me? No one. I am just a crazy little girl," she deterred her eyes away, letting them focus down on her thighs and simultaneously, a sigh made its way through. That's all she truly was—a crazy little girl who made up a web of lies around her. What kind of credibility could someone like her really have?
"A crazy little girl? Have they told that to you before, Lorna?" Doctor Washington chimed her way back into the conversation with a ponderous query. Still sitting on the chair next to Lorna's, she faced her with her body contorted slightly to the left. Eyebrows were curved up over her concerned dark brown eyes.
Lorna swallowed uneasily and returned the stare with a puzzled mien displayed upon her face. "Did who tell me?" It was stupid of her to pretend she didn't know exactly who her therapist was referring to but her brain was working overtime that she didn't allow herself to even process what was coming from her own mouth.
"Your dad and uncle. Did they call you a crazy little girl?"
Her body rapidly tensed up at the question. She lifted her free hand up and slicked back her hair with it, hoping to somehow soothe away her building nerves. All the questions her therapist had been asking her continued to bring forth memories she didn't want to remember. Memories she didn't want to relive. The anguish, the fear, the terror each memory reignited made Lorna wish she could poof herself the hell off the planet. It felt like she was being incessantly trampled by a flock of elephants if that were even a thing. No matter how hard she tried to fight it off, it refused to cease.
"My dad always called me crazy. He, he still does. My uncle liked to call me little princess and I told him to stop but he didn't ever listen to me. Neither of them ever listened."
Poussey bit down on her lower lip. She could easily feel her own emotions threatening to rear their way out and needed to keep herself in check. It wasn't her place to get upset or angry over what any of her clients had shared with her, she silently reminded herself. With a sharp inhalation of air, she swallowed down the feelings and gave a solemn nod to the young brunette beside her. "I'm sorry, Lorna. I'm so sorry you've had to endure so much pain and at the hands of people who were supposed to protect you from it. Not dish it out to you. I'm sorry they didn't listen to you and respect what you asked of them. It sounds to me like they had their own agendas. All they cared about was themselves and what they wanted. They didn't care what it was doing to you. That's not okay. Not even a little bit."
"I don't understand. Are ya sayin' that none of what happened is normal? I mean I-I thought all kids had an uncle like mine? He was that way to Franny, too. But you're saying it's not normal. I'm confused." Eyes remained squinted as they kept their focus on the therapist beside her. Her hand reached for her cup from the the end-table and she shakily lifted it to her mouth, sipping it slowly.
No amount of tea could make any of what she shared today undo itself. But the room was still so cold and the tea so warm. Her body craved the warmth so regardless, she sipped it and sipped it until the cup was left barren. After, it was casually tossed into the trash bin a few feet away and her lungs released a deep huff of air through the nostrils of her nose.
Head shaking distastefully at the comment slipped out of her girlfriend's mouth, Nicky squeezed her hand warmly around the one she held. The shit those two men put in Lorna's fucking head, she thought. Fuck did it cause her rage to get continuously fiercer. Made her seek for revenge even more desirable. Lorna was the damn sweetest person to exist and all anyone did was fucking abuse her for it. How the hell was that okay to ignore, to continue to allow to happen? How the fuck did none of them notice any of this sooner?
So many goddamn questions ran through her mind at once. It only encouraged her anger, her fury, her fucking need for payback to grow. But as she shifted her head and her eyes gazed down on Lorna, she felt her heart ache. And the fury, the anger, and desperation for revenge all sucked back inside of her. Now wasn't the time to be thinking of any of that shit she concluded once she'd observed the blatant distress oozing from her precious Lorna's eyes.
Instead, she let her attention go right back onto Lorna. She released her hand from hers and moved it out in front of her to delicately frame around the soft flesh of Lorna's cheek. "Oh, Lorna," her voice spoke no louder than a mere whisper. A loose strand of hair had fallen over Lorna's eyes and Nicky traced a thumb up to it to brush softly away with. "Oh, doll…sweet, precious, doll."
Nose snuffled. Lorna closed her eyes and longed for Nicky's affection to be enough to make everything right in the world again. But it didn't because it was impossible. She knew that. She fucking knew that. But for once she just wanted things to be normal. To be like every other teenager's life in the world. Well, maybe not every teenager but the majority of. Of course, now, it was too late for that. What was done was done and there was no plausible way to go back in time to change it. Any of it. It didn't matter how much she wished or how damn hard she pleaded with God. The incident happened and there was no undoing it. No going back and changing anything.
"No, Lorna, what happened to you is not a normal thing that all children deal with. Is that, too, what your uncle and dad made you think? Did they tell you it was normal what your uncle was doing?"
Both teens turned their heads towards the therapist. Lorna with trepidation and Nicky with fury still lurking in the background.
However, after a couple of seconds, Nicky refocused her stare on Lorna and stroked her thumb from one side of her forehead to the other. She couldn't begin to imagine how difficult this all was on the younger girl. To have such a deep, dark, secret finally brought to light. It had to have been taking a toll on Lorna, she thought. By how shaky she appeared to be throughout the session was enough to confirm her suspicions and worries.
"I mean I guess. I don't know. I just assumed. Can we please be done? I can't talk about this anymore, it's making me think about things I don't wanna think about. And I want the hell outta this hospital, please. Please, Dr. Washington, please let me leave and go home. I just wanna go home and I don't have a home anymore. I have to go to the Chapman's home but they don't even want me. Why do I have to stay with people who don't want me? I already lived through that with my fucking dad. Why do I have to live with strangers who don't want me too? Am I, Am I that fucking unlovable? I wish I was the one who died from cancer instead of my mom because then, then, I wouldn't have to burden anyone ever again."
Nicky's eyes widened in tears and she shared an apprehensive look with the therapist before throwing her arms securely around Lorna's waist, pulling her as close as she could have her.
Chapter 77
Notes:
Thank you everyone who's taken the time to continue reading this, it means so very much to me. I still have absolutely no clue how much longer it will be but I do see it going well beyond eighty-four chapters.
Chapter Text
Chapter Seventy-Six
"You're not a burden, baby." Nicky lovingly began, pulling Lorna closer with each word.
Her voice was unsteady as sniffles mixed with it. Pain and aching inflected through it, too. Hearing the sweetest person she knew talking so negatively about herself—god, fucking god did that feel like a fucking knife to the chest. A knife through the chest, sharp and slow. Drawn out like how a breath just came inside of her now. She pressed her lips upon the rim of one of Lorna's ears while fingers from one of her hands very slowly and softly caressed around its flesh. "You are absolutely not unlovable, Lorna. God, Lorna, you are the most lovable. The absolute fucking most lovable human there is. Fuck the damn Chapmans. It's their loss if they don't want to be graced with the sweetest angel in the world. I'll take you, baby, I'll take you any damn day. And ma, too, we both love you so much, kid. So fucking much. Don't ever doubt that you're not loved because you are so loved, so deeply and truly loved. I promise you that, sweet doll."
Giving the two girls a moment, Poussey picked herself up from the chair and moseyed on back to her desk. Once she was comfortably seated in the desk-chair, she fumbled through a couple of drawers until she came across her stack of appointment cards she had put away and took one out to set on the wooden surface. She grabbed a pen from a cup holder on the side of her desk, using it to jot down the information needed for their next appointment that she planned on having in her regular office.
"I know it was a rough one for you today, Lorna. But I'm so proud of you for opening up about the incident. I know that wasn't easy for you in the slightest and I'm sorry it hurt to talk about. We'll meet again next week, I have the date and time on this card for you. You should be out of the hospital by then but I spoke with your doctor earlier and she still wants to keep you another night or two for observation," Dr. Washington carefully explained to her while reaching across her desk to hand the rectangular piece of cardstock over to Lorna.
"Observation? Why? For what? I'm fine. Tell the doctor I'm fine, please," the brunette begged.
She was totally, completely, perfectly fine. At least physically. Mentally she was completely and utterly fucked up but that was neither here nor there. She could be fucked up and not trapped in the damn hospital. The same damn hospital her father was in—the father who openly threw her into her demented uncle's arms. Openly allowed for her to be her uncle's home-grown sex toy at only fucking eleven fucking years old. And now, not only were the two of them in the same damn hospital but he was dying and she was the only one able to save him.
"No, Lorna, you aren't fine. Your electrolytes are out of balance and your kidney function is low. I am not telling your doctor to release you because you are not in good shape to be going to a place where there is minimal supervision and a lack of medical regulation altogether. You will stay here until the doctor believes your blood tests show enough improvement that you don't need dire medical care. Not a minute sooner. And if you're still here by the time our next appointment comes up then we'll meet here. It's not a problem. What matters the most right now is your health. I'll see you both next week."
The two had long vacated the office of Lorna's therapist. Their hands intertwined as Lorna let herself be carefully pulled along by Nicky's warm, tender, hand. Exhaustion, fatigue, overpowered her and she couldn't resist from allowing her head to fall onto Nicky's shoulder. The heat emanating from her skin poured through her body and sent soothing tingles all throughout it. She didn't want to ever be without Nicky. Nicky made her feel safe. Made her feel loved, whole. Complete. The desire to be with her mixed with the exhaustion caused the underlying feelings of guilt and unworthiness temporarily fade onto the backburner. Right now she just allowed herself to enjoy the closeness of her girlfriend. The warmth continuing to radiate onto her from Nicky's body.
"Nicky?" She tilted her head but hadn't moved it from the shoulder it was resting on. Eyebrows arched over her wonderous eyes.
Wrapping an arm protectively around her waist as she led the pair of them in the direction of the cafeteria, Nicky slowed her place so that she could slightly turn her head to glance lovingly down into Lorna's brown irises. "What is it, baby? You okay? Are ya okay with my arm being around you, kid?" She probably shouldn't have asked so many questions at once but after everything that had been brought to light in Lorna's therapy session she couldn't contain how utterly worried she was for her.
To prove having Nicky's arm around her was more than okay, Lorna settled on nuzzling closer and wrapped her own arm around Nicky's body. There wasn't a safer pair of arms to be holding her than her sweet, angelic, girlfriend's. That was just a known fact to her. Nicky always made her feel the utmost safest—secure and protected. No doubt about it. "I'm okay, hon, I feel safe with you. I really do. I just wanted to tell you I love you. I love ya so much, Nicky, and I just—I don't ever wanna be without you. You're the most loving person I know and I just…I love you and appreciate you," she softly murmured, turning her head and burying it into the side of Nicky's face.
A warmth rushed through her body hearing the heartfelt words spoken to her by Lorna. Instantly, it caused her arms to tighten around her waist and her cheek pressed comfortingly into the scalp of Lorna's head which was resting gently against it. "I'm glad you feel that way, babe, I promise I'll always be here to protect you and keep you safe. You're my baby, and I won't ever do anything to hurt you. You've been through enough shit for one lifetime. Way too much that you didn't deserve any of. I swear on all that is fucking holy, Lorna, I will make the hell sure nothing bad ever happens to ya again. Okay?"
Lorna let her lips gently stroke over the top of the shoulder they were near and nodded her head slowly in acknowledgement. Fingers tenderly caressed up and down the side of Nicky's body. "I know ya wanna keep me from getting hurt again, hon, but I want you to know it will never be your fault if something does happen. No matter how hard we try, we can't always be there at all times together. So I just don't—I don't want ya to ever think that whatever happens to me is your fault for failing or something because that won't ever be true. You have done nothing but loved me and taken care of me and you're just, you're such an angel, hon. Really. You're an angel," she reiterated, continuing to brush her fingers feathery up and down her sides.
By the time they entered inside of the cafeteria for much needed coffees, the majority of it was empty and the line was pretty much nonexistent at that point. The two were grateful for that as they walked through the food-line and over to the coffee counter to order their beverages. In only a matter of seconds, each of them were handed a paper traveler's cup and were on their merry way once money had been exchanged. Yet, before fully exiting back out towards the seating area, Nicky stopped and gave a firm stare at the brunette.
Sipping her coffee, eyes shut to strengthen how savored that first sip was, Lorna drew in a peaceful breath. She hadn't realized how desperately her body needed the caffeine until she swallowed what was in her mouth. When her eyes opened back up, right after, she saw Nicky's looking intensely at them and tilted her head a small amount. "What's wrong, hon? Ya look a little tense, are ya okay?" She reached a hand out to frame affectionately around Nicky's cheek and carefully caressed it with the palm of her hand.
The tender gesture quickly tightened Nicky's chest and caused her breathing to hitch slightly in her throat. Her teeth innately grinded down into the flesh of her tongue as she forced down the bubbling emotions. "I'm okay, baby. I just was gonna remind you to get food is all. Because you haven't eaten yet today and you need to. Why don't you get the chocolate chip granola bar that you were talking about the other day, yeah? You seemed excited about it, doll."
Albeit the apprehension settling into the pit of her stomach, Lorna timidly nodded and turned back to grab exactly that from one of the food shelves. Once it was paid for at one of the registers, she followed behind Nicky to one of the empty tables and sat down in a chair across from her. Both the coffee and granola bar were shakily set down on the surface of the table directly in front of her. She crossed a leg nervously over the other, trying to appear calm even though on the inside she was freaking the fuck out. Over a measly damn granola bar.
Nicky watched her closely from the other side of the table for a few minutes before sliding a hand across to cup around Lorna's with. "It's okay to be scared. I know you have a hard time with food. You don't have to pretend in front of me, sweetheart. You're not gonna scare me off by being real, don't you worry about that," she huskily assured the brunette, stroking the tips of her fingers delicately around the flesh of Lorna's hand.
"But ain't it real dumb to be scared of food? This is why I am crazy. Because what normal person is afraid of a fucking granola bar, Nicky?"
The franticness in her voice molded a fierce knot in the bottom of Nicky's stomach. There was unfairly too much Lorna was going through right now. Too, too much and she didn't know where to start or what should be focused on first. Or what was more prevalent than the other. But, clearly, at this particular time, the most dominant issue happened to be the food. She drew in some air and squeezed her hand warmly around Lorna's. Eyes lovingly melded into the younger girl's.
Head tilted as she held Lorna's gaze. Her other hand was lifted up and cautiously brought across the table to warmly cup around one of the brunette's pale cheeks. The palm of it pressed softly into its flesh, moving slowly up and down the length of it. "First of all, baby, you're not crazy. You're not screwed or fucked up. You have an eating disorder. Which makes food seem scary to you. That's not dumb, doll, that's part of the illness. Okay? That's why you're here right now. So you can get help. You need help with this. There's nothing wrong with that—needing help. Help is good, babe, so good. Because it'll make you feel less and less scared when it comes to food."
"What if, though, what if I don't want to stop being scared of food, Nicky? Does that not make me fucked up?"
Lorna crossed her arms over her chest, looking back at Nicky with big eyes and a frown on her face. No real sane person would ever want to keep fearing something that was needed every day like food. But, yet, Lorna did want that. To fear food. On a sick, twisted, level, she enjoyed fearing it. She enjoyed the sense of control it gave her. Which again she realized to anyone else would sound completely and utterly contradicting of one another—maybe a bit ludicrous as well—but she could control the food she put or didn't put inside of her and that was empowering to her.
"No, okay? No. You're not fucked up. Just—why do you maybe not wanna stop being scared of food?" The hand on her cheek swiftly released itself and warmly covered atop a pale one of Lorna's instead. Nicky looked at her with curved eyebrows, concern oozing from her big brown irises.
The question appeared simple, yet, the response was anything but simple to give. It was more complex than her brain could even compute at the moment. There was no reasonable, or rational, reasoning for why Lorna wanted to remain in fear of food. It was the most irrational thing to want. If she wanted to stay breathing, that was. And that happened to be a whole other dilemma her brain was working to process. Whether she wanted to stay alive on this planet fearing the one thing that every living being needed. How the hell does one explain that to someone?
Her eyes caught a glimpse of the paper cup of coffee and instantly, she reached for it with one hand and lifted it to her mouth for a distracting sip. Once she swallowed a couple gulps of the warm liquid, she set it back in its previous spot and refocused her attention on her girlfriend. Her vastly concerned girlfriend her eyes took note of. "I don't know how to explain it, hon. You—ya wouldn't understand," Lorna shifted her stare slightly, her cheeks reddening from the intensifying guilt. It hurt knowing how much she was unintentionally hurting her Nicky in the process.
Nodding sympathetically, Nicky moved her other hand out in front of her and framed it around Lorna's face. Tips of her fingers caressed warmly around the area it rested on. "I might though, babe. I'm not gonna judge you for what you tell me. I promise. Just, can ya try to explain it? I wanna support ya through this, doll, but I need to understand what you're thinking and feeling," she tried her hardest to lovingly encourage the other to continue.
Lorna sucked down on her lower lip and gave a slow bob of her head. The least she could do was give it a try. That was the very least she could do for Nicky—the one person who only ever showed her the deepest of compassion and warmth. She tapped her fingers against the cup of coffee sat in front of her on the table and recoiled her shoulders the same time a breath was taken in through her nose. "I don't want to not be afraid of food because I-I kinda like how it makes me feel. I know—I know that sounds real messed up, hon, but I just—it's just the feeling it gives me I guess."
"What, uh, what does being scared of food make ya feel, kid?" Nicky shakily queried, brushing the palm of her hand affectionately along the length of Lorna's cheek.
A puff of air slipped out from Lorna's mouth before she was able to voice an answer. An answer she wasn't entirely sure she had. At least not one that would make any bit of sense to anyone who wasn't herself. She placed both hands on the sides of her head and pushed back her hair to calm the fraying nerves. "It, uh, it erm—it makes me feel relieved. And I don't want to stop fearing food. I like it. I like it a lot, Nicky, and I'm so sorry. I know it's real fucked up and it hurts you my fear of food but I don't want it to go away," desperation seeped through her voice as she spoke.
"Oh, Lorna," the redhead gently whispered, gradually moving her hand up to Lorna's forehead and brushing the palm of it from one side to the other. Cautiously, she leaned closer until the tips of their noses were instinctively pressing against one another. "Baby, what do ya need to get relief from? Is this—has this food thing been going on since, uh, since the incident with your uncle?"
The uncle George incident. Lorna squinted and widened her eyes simultaneously with each word her ears heard. A lump grew in her stomach; she wasn't even on the verge of admitting there was even an issue with food in the first place. She might have had a small, little, fear of eating and getting heavier but that did not equate to her having any sort of food issue like Nicky tried to claim of her. And, despite that assumption, she wasn't even sure exactly when the fear truly set in.
She grabbed her coffee and took a long sip of it, still mentally preparing herself to answer. In all honesty, Lorna couldn't remember the first time she became afraid of eating or even just the thought of eating. She was so deeply enthralled in that fear, now, that it felt like she always had it inside of her. "Um, just in general. I get real stressed over real stupid things sometimes, hon, and I guess being afraid a food kinda keeps my mind focused on that instead of everything else and somehow that calms me. It's like getting an A on a test that ya forgot to study for, the same relief I get from food scaring me," her shoulders casually bounced up in concurrency with what she said.
Lorna's admittance brought a shiver to Nicky's spine. Caused the hairs on her arms to slightly stick up more than usual. She swallowed uneasily and lifted her other hand to also cradle around the other side of Lorna's face. It made her feel intensely uncomfortable to realize how much she could relate to what Lorna was saying. She knew what that kind of relief was like—it was the same relief heroin left her with the couple of times she used it.
Fingers softly caressed along the flesh of each cheeks her hands were framed around. "What do you get stressed about? You can tell me, babe, it's okay. Maybe I can help you find a healthier way to deal with it, yeah?"
Shifting unnervingly in her seat, Lorna felt the lump growing and tilted her head so her eyes were gazing straight down at the dotted-pattern of the table's surface. "But I don't want things to change, hon. I'm comfortable with the way things are right now," she timidly pointed out, drawing her shoulders up to the sides of her face.
A sigh pushed its way up from Nicky's lungs. She pressed her palm warmly, affectionately, into the flesh of Lorna's cheek and gazed gently into her brown eyes. "I get that, doll, I really do. But what you're doing to yourself is capable of killing you and—and I don't want to risk losing you, okay? Please, kid, ya gotta see that. I know it's hard but just think about it. If your body needs food to function and ya don't eat enough and continue to not eat enough, what do ya thinks gonna happen?"
Tapping more and more aggressively on the paper of the cup in front of her, Lorna nervously bit down on the flesh of her tongue. The small interrogation her girlfriend was capturing her in made thinking and rationalizing that much more of a challenge. "Nothing. I mean if I'm lucky, it might make me skinnier but that's all I can think of hon. I don't, erm, I don't do it on purpose."
The more she spoke the more she had no real idea what the hell she was even saying any longer. Everything that came from her mouth sounded like gibberish to her. But, yet, she couldn't stop herself from answering any of Nicky's questions in the way she had. It was instinctive, coming out without even hesitation. Without even Lorna's mind filtering it like any normal human's mind would do. She had to be insane. She was literally—right now—the fucking definition of insane. Everything she did, said, were not what sane people would do. What people who had clean minds would even think of doing. Her head was never screwed on straight to begin with. It was no fucking wonder she was the way she was.
Nicky took a moment to grab her own coffee that hadn't been touched since the pair of them had sat down ten minutes earlier. A long, slightly drawn out, sip was taken of the bold and warm liquid. She needed to remember to be less impulsive, less edgy. Even though Lorna's recent disclosure made her want to act on impulse and say things she'd likely regret. Her head shook at the thought, that wouldn't solve anything. It would merely make things worse. So, she swallowed down the coffee and sipped it a few more times before placing the cup right back where it previously rested.
The one hand that remained on Lorna's cheek the entire time Nicky moved it up to her forehead and brushed the palm of it soothingly from one temple to the other. "What don't ya do on purpose?" Her voice softly questioned, teeth grinding down on each other to stop from commenting what her mind was encouraging her to let slip out. It lasted only a minute until the words came out of her all on their own, "Say things that don't make sense?"
Her hand rapidly covered over her mouth right after she heard herself say it. Damn impulses, she mentally muttered. She very cautiously shifted her eyes onto Lorna and was taken aback to see her stifling a chuckle. The unexpected gesture simply warmed her heart and whooshed away any lingering apprehension. "Shit, kid, I didn't mean to—"
"S'okay, hon. I do say a lotta things that don't make no sense and most of it's not on purpose," Lorna sheepishly admitted, cheeks reddening with embarrassment despite the smile her lips naturally curled into.
The comment was so random, completely unexpected, and so related to what she was thinking in her head that the second her ears heard it spill from her girlfriend's mouth all she could do was chuckle at it. Maybe that was exactly what the pair of them needed right then and there. Things had been quite bleak and dim the past few days, they needed a little light in the darkness. Even if that light was just a silly comment Nicky hadn't really meant to speak aloud.
Another chuckle easily sounded through Lorna's windpipe the longer her mind pondered on the matter. Fuck, she forgot how good laughing made her feel. She removed her hands from her coffee cup and brought them across the table to grasp lovingly around each side of Nicky's face, carefully bringing it closer to her own until their lips were lightly pressing into one another's. Her eyes closed and she felt her smile widen tremendously through the soft, gentle pecking of their lips. Nothing felt better—greater—than kissing the girl she long deemed her soulmate. Maybe kissing Nicky was even better than the feeling of starvation. Only a second went by before she vastly shook her head at such a thought. No, she told herself, no. Kissing Nicky couldn't be better than starving, it just couldn't. Because that would be a simple fix and Lorna wasn't prepared to give up her starving ritual. Not yet, not any time soon.
A sigh came through but she refused to pull away from Nicky. Instead, she brushed her lips even fiercer over Nicky's and cradled one of her hands on the back of her head. She could have both Nicky and her starving ritual. She just would slow things down. Maybe eat occasionally so she didn't die and scare the hell out of everyone she loved and cared for. If she stuck to foods that didn't terrify herself maybe there was a way she could make it all work out in her favor. And Nicky's. It couldn't be that hard to continue what she felt she needed to do while also not causing any excess worry on her Nicky's behalf.
The kiss broke apart after several minutes by Nicky softly releasing her lips from Lorna's. Her hands remained framed around each side of her face, forehead still pressed against forehead. "Well, that was certainly a nice surprise. Wasn't expecting to be kissed right in the middle of a tough conversation but I sure as hell am not complaining. Your lips always give the sweetest kisses, doll," she murmured, breath warmly trickling onto Lorna's mouth from the close proximity between the pair.
"I just—I want to make sure ya know how much ya really mean to me, hon. I hate how much pain and worry and stress I've been causing ya and I just want to show you how special you are," Lorna murmured back, pressing her lips one final time onto Nicky's and not releasing them until they were both left without breath.
With their lips apart once more, Lorna let her nose nuzzle softly against that of Nicky's. Combing her fingertips gingerly up and down the length of her two cheeks. "I meant it when I called you an angel earlier, Nicky. You're a true angel because I don't know anyone who has the patience and love that you do. I just…I'm real glad I met ya and I don't ever wanna go back to a life without you, hon."
Slightly lifting her head, Nicky brushed her lips warmly over the flesh of the tip of Lorna's nose and peered softly into her eyes. "You'll never have to go back to a life without me, kid. I love ya too much to ever leave ya. God, you've turned me into a big puddle of mush I swear. But mark my words, doll, you're the only damn person who will ever witness this mush side a me, ya hear?"
The two shared a laugh and Nicky stroked a couple of loose brown strands of hair from her girlfriend's brown eyes.
Several minutes passed as the two sat there, their eyes not once moving from each other until Nicky remembered the granola bar she encouraged Lorna to grab from the food-line. She reluctantly shifted her head back from Lorna's and gestured a hand to the untouched bar in front of her, "Don't think I haven't forgotten about the bar, kid. Ya still need to eat it, yeah? I bet it'll taste nice with your coffee."
Lorna gulped and forced a smile to her face. Her hands shakily reached for the wrapper-covered granola bar and very timidly started to open it with her fingers. It felt like an eternity or two or hell, even three, passed before she finally got the wrapper completely taken off. She swallowed uncomfortably while tracing one of her fingers up and down the length of it. The granola both gritty and smooth against her flesh. She quite anxiously lifted the bar towards her face and stopped once it was a mere centimeters from her nose.
A few snuffles were taken in, she closed her eyes and drew in a couple of breaths to calm her racing heart. It was just a damn granola bar, she reminded herself. A teeny, tiny, granola bar that no one else spent any amount of time thinking and overthinking about how the hell they were going to be able to consume it without wanting to punish themselves for it later. And, yet, there Lorna sat with the damn thing in her hands contemplating her whole life as she stared into each small spec of chocolate chips scattered throughout it.
"It smells sweet, like chocolate and caramel. My mom used to have one a these every morning with her coffee," Lorna noted, continuing to inspect the bar with a robotic preciseness. She swallowed down the lump that had formed and now it settled into the back of her throat, refusing to ease up any.
"Hey, hey," Nicky tenderly called out once she noticed how increasingly apprehensive and shaky Lorna was getting. From only holding and looking at the bar, she observed without fail. Her heart clenched up to continuously realize how deeply Lorna was sucked into the mindset she was. It wasn't fair. It wasn't fucking fair someone as kind-hearted and full of love for nearly anyone she came across was riddled with a crippling fear of food on top having been abused in one of the most horrific ways imaginable. "I know this is so hard for you, babe, I know but I want you to know I'm real proud a ya for trying."
Albeit her fraying nerves, Lorna felt her lips curve up into a smile. One that was much more genuine than her earlier one. It warmed her heart vastly to have Nicky there by her side. She knew she had to fight if she didn't want to continue to cause Nicky any further pain or heartache. A deep breath inhaled through her nose and she used her thumb and index finger to rip off the tiniest of pieces. With a slight tremor, she brought it nearer her mouth and puffed her shoulders slightly to brace herself.
One bite, she mentally told herself, it's only one small bite. Her eyes closed instantly upon the piece coming in contact with her tongue and tastebuds. "It tastes like my childhood. My good childhood with my mom before all the bad shit started."
Reaching a hand across the table, Nicky smiled reassuringly and placed a warm hand onto one of her cheeks. "You're so strong, doll, you really are."
"I regret this and am thinking of ways to psychologically punish myself for it later, hon. But having ya with me means so much."
Chapter Text
Chapter Seventy-Seven
The family reunion couldn't come and go soon enough. Five days felt more like five decades in Lorna's little mind. Five days that she and her siblings were trapped under the same roof as their demented uncle and abusive father. With Mrs. Morello supposedly gone on some business trip or another. Of course, her siblings were both at the age where they could drive themselves as far away from the house as possible if they so desired. But Lorna was only eleven. She couldn't drive away no matter how bad she wanted to. No matter how much she silently begged and pleaded with God. God wouldn't answer her prayers anymore, she knew, not after what dirty things she'd done with Uncle George. She'd be doomed to hell because of it. Not would be—she was doomed to hell. God didn't like little girls who did devious things like what happened with her uncle; Uncle George and her father made that abundantly clear to her.
As if the touching and groping wasn't sufficient to scar her whole, her uncle also started taking to shaming her for how big her body appeared to be. How much food she'd consumed during dinner, how little she exercised. And all of that occurred in less than four days. Four days. Four days of not only being sexualized by her own uncle but also being incessantly yelled at for eating normal amounts of food that everyone else ate because in his eyes—his satanic eyes—she was too fat. Too fat and disgusting to be touched by a man. Even though, at just eleven years old—still not having started puberty—the last thing she ever wanted was to be touched by a man or anyone. She wanted to enjoy the summer with her friends, not be trapped in the damn house with two people who blatantly dismissed her existence.
She was trapped in a house with two adult men who used her existence as if it were just added onto their own. As if she was only alive to provide them with pleasure. Pleasure for her dad's constant need to take out his anger and frustrations with. Pleasure for her uncle as his very own sex toy. That was all she was to them. She might as well have been a fucking voodoo doll. Because clearly that's how she was used by her dad and uncle. Like some kind of toy that they could each manipulate into doing whatever they wanted her to do.
There was no summer vacation to be enjoyed by Lorna this year, she learned that rather quickly. The second her uncle stopped over was precisely the same second her school break was ripped from right the hell under her. She tried to hide out in her room for the majority of his stay but that was soon ruined by his venturing up there. After the one time she chose to go down to the living room. The one damn time she had the courage to leave her room and such decision was the worst she could have ever made.
Now, she was lucky if he didn't come into her bedroom at least once during the night. If she even opened her mouth to protest, he'd find a way to make her regret an action so vulgar. What he deemed vulgar, anyway. But the worst of it all wasn't the disturbing things he'd done to her in her bed—the one place she was supposed to be safe from people like him—rather it was the way he never ceased from picking on how much she was eating during the evening meal that Mr. Morello insisted they all consumed together in the dining room. It was as if her own father relished in her pain, her agony that was all caused by his brother. She couldn't wrap her young mind around it. She thought dads were supposed to protect their children from the behavior her uncle exhibited towards her not encourage it to keep going like her own damn dad did.
Of course other dads probably didn't call their children mistakes or the fault of a broken condom. Or if they did, they more than likely said it to themselves and not in earshot of said children. Her father didn't seem to give a shit, though, he said what he wanted when he wanted no matter who the hell was in hearing range of him. No wonder Mr. Morello allowed the behavior of her decrepit uncle to continue escalating. All he saw in Lorna was a broken fucking condom. She wasn't supposed to be alive. She was supposed to be nonexistent. Hell, maybe that's why her existence wasn't technically hers when it was just her and her dad and uncle. Neither of them wanted her around. Well, her dad certainly didn't—maybe Uncle George did but only for his own sick, sexual, gratification. She was only there to arouse him.
It was exhausting. Utterly exhausting being stuck in a house with the two of them. She couldn't compute how it had only been four days and not four years. Or four decades. Or four fucking millenniums. There was nothing she could do to make them stop. To get them to leave her the hell alone. She was a little girl. A crazy little girl who just made all of this up was what both tried to convince her of. The only thing she found that brought her any peace, any damn comfort in those four hellish days, was to eat. And then after her uncle continued to harp on her about what she ate, she needed a way to release herself of the food. So, she threw up. By force. And it felt like the first day of summer each time she hovered over a toilet and let the food come right back out of her. She found the act of purging to be a thrill. A thrill that only she could control. No one else could do it for her. No one else could tell her to stop. She was in control for fucking once and she craved it. Needed it.
Even after the five days and the family reunion and the incident at the family reunion Lorna continued the newfound ritual she had created for herself. It became an obsession—maybe even an addiction—to stuff herself of whatever her stomach craved and then venture off to the bathroom to relieve herself of every last bite she'd taken. It brought a euphoric sensation over. A sensation that took her mind off of everything that happened between she and her uncle all those weeks ago. A sensation she wanted to keep feeling so she kept up the routine.
Fortunately it was easy to hide with her family incessantly in shambles recently. All Mr. Morello did was scream and yell at anyone who even stared at him wrong, her poor mother was an emotional wreck barely keeping it together for she and her siblings, and her older siblings tried to stay out of the house as much as they could. So she had all the time in the world to give in to her desire. To become so heavily immersed within her own little world of eating, purging, and repeating. It was a win-win-win situation. No longer did she have her uncle there to harp on her about just how truly heavy she was or wasn't. And with her mom being home from her business trip, she was temporarily safe from her father's wrath.
But her being free from his wrath only meant her mother wasn't. Which only made her feel incredibly guilty and shameful. Mrs. Morello was the kindest, most loving, soul to grace the planet—no, the entire universe—and all her dad did was make her mom feel so bad about herself. Hurt her mom in ways that inadvertently caused Lorna the utmost pain. Watching her mom suffer from her dad's abuse was a million times worse than having the abuse done to herself. Her mom was truly a good person who hadn't deserved any of what was dished out to her by that mean, mean, Mr. Morello.
She, however, was a mistake. Her dad said so himself. She heard it and had a sense that she was meant to hear it. Because her dad had always been so spiteful towards her, ever since she was in preschool. She never knew why he hated her so much or why it at least felt like he did. Not until she heard him speaking of her to his brother did she finally receive a reasoning for her ever pondering question. She was never supposed to be conceived in the first place. The only reason she was born was because of her dad's faulty condom. Had it not faltered Lorna Morello wouldn't exist.
It was no wonder then why he abused her the most out of everyone in the house. And why he always appeared to be picking such useless fights with her mom—he blamed Stansie for Lorna's existence. So, technically, it was all her fault that her mother was being caused the same physical and mental pain as she was. Because she should have not ever been conceived let alone born. Let alone an eleven year old girl now.
Knowing her mom's pain was her own doing made the need to eat and purge even stronger. She had to be punished somehow for making her mom suffer so much. Her heart belonged to her mother—the one person who truly wanted her. Who fought for her every chance she had. The least she could do was show her appreciation. And the only way she knew to do that was to punish herself. Maybe it was from her uncle's words or her father's nonstop abuse but no matter which it was, she knew punishment was needed in order to reconcile with her mother.
She didn't think anyone would ever notice—hoped and prayed nobody would, at least. Because if anyone found out they might try to stop her and she didn't want to be stopped. Eating and purging was like a lifeline to her at that point. She craved it all the damn time. It felt as though even if she wanted to not do it, she couldn't not do it. As if it suddenly became innate within her. Any time she felt the slightest bout of anxiety coming on, she had to find something to consume and purge. That was the only way to calm herself it felt like to Lorna. She needed to self soothe and in order to accomplish that, she had to eat and release.
But she didn't take into consideration her bed-wetting issues — that suddenly started within the last week — would rather swiftly lead to her mother's finding out about the little eating and vomiting issue. She thought she had it under wraps. It wasn't like she went to the bathroom when others were around to possibly hear her retching into the toilet. Lorna took a lot of precautions to what actions she was participating in, specifically to avoid from anyone finding out—including her mother.
However, her mother had a strong mother's intuition it seemed because despite her efforts she found out. Or noticed, at least, that something was going on with Lorna.
The two were sat in the kitchen one morning before Lorna had to leave to catch the school bus when Stansie reached her hands across the table, without warning, and took Lorna's small face into them. Palms stroked softly up and down the length of both of her pale, rosy, cheeks. There was something off. Something different the closer her eyes studied her youngest child's face and body language. She tilted her head as if that would somehow give her the reason to what she pondered over could be wrong. Over what could possibly be causing her usually bubbly Lorna to appear so, so—subdue? That was all she could truly think of to describe Lorna's demeanor the past couple of weeks.
Ever since the night she found Lorna lying in a bed of her own urine—the third or fourth night in that same week—Stansie's suspicions and concern hadn't ceased. In fact, they grew stronger by each and every passing day. There was something wrong, something clearly going on. More than what Lorna had shared, there had to be. There had to be more than just the one incident with her husband's perverted brother, she thought, and just thinking that made her skin crawl with anger and disgust. What kind of person found pleasure in hurting an innocent child like her sweet little Lorna?
Stansie shook her thoughts away and regrouped her attention on the face of her young daughter held out in front of her own. She brushed the tips of her fingers soothingly around her cheeks while a sigh pushed its way through. "Is everything okay, Lorn? You've been very distant since I took ya to the hospital last week…are you feeling okay? I've been looking around to see if I can't find ya a therapist to talk to," she gently interrogated, keeping the soothing motion going to ease any tension her words may have unintentionally caused.
Everything was the opposite of okay, Lorna thought. Nothing felt normal anymore. Not since before Uncle George came to visit. Since then life felt insane, suffocating, like no matter how hard she tried to breathe she couldn't entirely catch her breath. But she wasn't going to allow any of that to slip from her mouth. Her mom was already suffering through so much with her dad's drunken rages—she sure as hell didn't need Lorna's insanity piling onto that.
A smile pursed onto her face. A smile to hide her inner pain. Her inner boiling breaking point. "I'm fine, mom. I just, um, I don't think I need a shrink or nothin'. I don't have anything to talk about. Why, why would ya even suggest that, mom?"
Shaking her head, Stansie released her grasp from Lorna's cheeks and got up from where she was sitting so that she could walk over to the other side of the island and wrap her arms securely around youngest child's petite body. A mother always knew when something was amiss with her child. This was no different. She was going to get to the bottom of whatever it was that was bothering her daughter, no matter how hard it appeared to be.
"Lorna, my sweetheart, you're not fine. I can see through that smile a yours. I brought ya into this world and I know when you're not feeling right, and right now is one a those times. You've been hurt by your uncle, and a therapist will help ya with that. I promise. You don't gotta be scared, hon. Therapists are just people who want to help."
"I'm not scared, mom." Lorna quickly dropped the smile into a frown and lifted her hands to rest on each side of her face. Tears were forming at the bottom of her eyelids and she had to suck in a painful breath to keep them from falling out.
Pressing a comforting kiss atop her head, Stansie tilted her own while gazing down into the brown eyes of her daughter. She used a thumb to soothingly brush a few loose strands of hair away from them. "Then why are ya so against meeting with a therapist, hon?" The micro movements of her youngest child's head and body told her that she was right to be concerned, to be worried. Lorna was certainly struggling and the best thing for her would be to see a professional. Someone who would know what questions to ask, what to say, the things that Stansie unfortunately knew she was unable to do.
Lorna swallowed the saliva pooling at the bottom of her mouth and pushed her shoulders up towards either side of her face. A therapist meant she was crazy. Exactly the words her uncle and father used to describe her and she loathed the idea of it becoming true. She didn't want to be the crazy little girl she was deemed by Mr. Morello but that was what she would become by meeting with a therapist. Not only that, she knew if any of the other kids in her school found out she'd be the laughing stock for the rest of her life. Or the rest of her school life, at least.
"Therapists are for crazy people, mom. I-I'm not crazy. Am I? Do ya think I'm crazy?"
The frantic tone in her daughter's voice easily cracked Stansie's heart. Her arms naturally tightened around her, pulling her closer and softly swaying the two of them from side-to-side. "You're not crazy. You're not crazy, sweetheart. You just—you need a little extra help right now and there ain't nothin' wrong with that. Who's making you think you're crazy? Is it your fatha? He puttin' this nonsense in your head?" Fingers soothingly raked through the thick dark strands of Lorna's hair.
Being in the arms of her mother—the safe, warm, protective arms of her mother—it was almost enough to wash away all of her fears, her anxieties, her stress. It was the one place she wished she could stay forever. Right there in the comforting embrace of her mom. The one person who loved her unconditionally, who would never hurt and abuse her like Mr. Morello or Uncle George. The only person who fought for her like she was the last cup of really damn good coffee. And yet, even that—even all of that—wasn't any match for how much guilt she felt. Guilt she felt over the pain that her mother was caused by Mr. Morello all because of her own self. Her existence was the only reason her mom suffered at the hands of her father. If she didn't get conceived her mother wouldn't be suffering right now. Everything dwindled down to Lorna.
"I heard dad call me a crazy little girl before and now I think he's right, mom. Do regular eleven year old's still pee their beds at night? I doubt it. I'm just real crazy and messed up and ya shoulda never had me," Lorna's voice cried out, she forced her way out of her mother's embrace—highly out of reluctance—and started angry pacing around the entirety of the kitchen.
Her eyes peeked out the window on the door as she continued marching about, the sun shone in through it and she couldn't find it in her to smile like she normally did when she felt the warmth of the beautiful sun on her face. There was nothing for her to be happy about anymore—summer vacation had abruptly ended and all she did was get abused by her dad and his fucked-up brother. What a damn summer that was. Sure would be fun to share that with her classmates and teacher. Then she could be labeled a crazy at school, too, how perfect. Everything was just going so smoothly for her. Life couldn't be any better. She scoffed and fastened her pace.
Stansie's head shook profusely after hearing Lorna's revelation. Leave it to her asshole of a husband to say the most insensitive things to their youngest child, who happened to be one of the most sensitive people Stansie knew. She drew in some air and followed to where Lorna was, stopping her movement by placing two very firm—yet loving—hands on her shoulders. As she peered directly into those brown eyes on her daughter's smaller, cherub, face, she felt her heart ache. There was so much sadness, so much agony in such young eyes. Young eyes of a little girl who shouldn't have anything of the sort harboring inside of her. And the reason those emotions were there were all thanks to her husband and that godforsaken brother of his, she disgruntledly thought.
"Your dad doesn't know what he's talkin' about, okay? You are not crazy, my Lorn, not one bit," she softly assured the younger brunette while moving her hands from shoulders and up to cup lovingly around each side of her face. "Ya got a valid reason for having accidents right now, is your fatha tryna make ya feel bad about it? Oh so help him God, I will cook him for dinner if he is."
Her arms found their way back around her child's body, bringing her closer until Lorna's head was resting on her chest. The one place she knew she could keep her little girl safe from all the cruel pain in the world. All the cruel pain in that damn house. Pain caused by a man who was supposed to protect her from it, not dish it out. Oh did just thinking about it bring her anger to a boiling point. She couldn't stand the man she married any longer. He wasn't the man she fell in love with. He was a fucking monster.
Her mother knew. Her mother always knew. Mother intuition was what she told Lorna. Or maybe it was the fact that Lorna chose a risky time in the evening to hover over the toilet in the bathroom on the other side of the wall from her parent's room one night. It was a lazy decision made on her behalf. She hadn't felt like running all the way down to the basement's half-bath as she'd usually done. And, so now, she sealed her own fate.
The toilet had been flushed and Lorna was busy washing herself up at the sink when she heard loud knocking on the door. She paid no mind to it, too focused on the task at hand to really care which one of her siblings were needing to come in to use the bathroom. However, the longer she refused to acknowledge the knocking the louder it seemed to get. She grumbled out a frustrated breath as she finished washing up.
"Lorna, open the door."
Surprisingly, it was her mother's voice she heard coming from the other side of it. The color from her face immediately drained upon coming to such a conclusion. What possible reason could her mom be knocking on that door for? Numerous questions popped in her mind and none of them brought her any comfort. She swallowed uneasily and slowly shut off the faucet, drying her hands with a towel that hung from the wall right beside the sink.
The knocking persisted and Lorna timidly made her way over to open the door. Abruptly halting her mother's seemingly frantic knocks. The second it fully opened, she felt her mother's arms rapidly wrap around her body and pull her away from the bathroom. Her eyes squinted with confusion as she was carried out of there by her mom. She naturally engulfed her own arms around her mother's neck so she wouldn't fall—not that she thought Mrs. Morello would drop her, she wasn't cruel like her father but rather out of instinct.
It wasn't until she was brought into her parents' bedroom and sat on her mother's lap on the bed that she finally had a chance to observe the expression on Mrs. Morello's face. Her eyes held an intense volume of concern—it was almost overpowering for Lorna to stare at. As if the longer she stared the quicker her mom would be able to realize what she was doing to herself. So, she shifted her head and stared at a random picture nailed to one of the walls.
"What's going on, mom? Why did ya drag me outta the bathroom?"
Stansie only tightened her arms around her, brushing a soothing kiss over the top of her head and gradually rocking the pair of them back and forth. She had a sense there was more going on with Lorna but certainly didn't expect it to be what she heard her doing in that bathroom just ten minutes earlier. "I heard some weird noises when you were in there, hon, and I need ya to tell me what you were doing. Because to me it sounded like you were throwing up. Were you, Lorn?"
Lorna rolled her neck uneasily around her shoulders and grinded down on her teeth. "Yeah but I had a tummy ache. I had to throw up to get rid a the pain, mom."
"You don't look sick, though, honey. Tell me the real reason you were throwing up. I know you, Lorn, I know when you're telling the truth and when you're not."
"I wanted to. It felt good and I liked it so I did it. Why does it matter?"
Squinting her eyes, Stansie could hardly believe the words she just heard her daughter speak. What the hell was going on with her used-to-be bubbly little girl? Her youngest child who always had a smile on her face and had such a pure joy for life. The young Lorna sat cradled in her lap now was barely even the shell of her prior self. It caused a welt to form in her chest hearing and observing the sheer transformation taking place in her. She had to do something to stop it from continuing. Lorna was too young, too precious to be struggling this much.
She gently curled a strand of Lorna's brown hair behind one of her ears and grasped her other hand firmly on one of her shoulders. "That's not a good thing to do, Lorn. Throwing up when you're not sick with a stomach bug is bad for your health. You could hurt yourself real bad, hon. When did ya start doin' this? Has this been going on a while?" The questions came spilling out of her. She did her best to keep her tone even but that proved to be quite the challenge.
What was she doing? The query spun through her mind once she'd realized what she'd revealed to her mother. Revealing the throwing up routine she had started wasn't something she was supposed to do, Lorna grudgingly reprimanded herself. She was supposed to keep this hidden and that all went right out the window now. Because she was a damn blabber mouth when it came to her mother. No matter how hard she tried, she couldn't lie to her. And if she did, Mrs. Morello had the ability to know. That damn mother intuition. If it weren't for that, maybe she wouldn't be such a scaredy cat when it came to concealing certain things from her.
Regardless, she was sure in a pickle right now because of her own stupidity. Or, rather, her own weakness. Her own failure. And she could either keep being honest or find a way to take back what she said. Embellish the story slightly to suit what she needed. Brown eyes squinted slightly, was that the proper word? She felt her shoulders recoil upwards and shook her head at herself. None of that mattered.
Once she was finished arguing with herself in her mind, Lorna returned her stare on her mother and swallowed thickly. The look on her mother's face knotted her insides up. She should have taken the time to think up a better reasoning for her throwing up earlier than flat-out coming out with the truth. Clearly, the truth hurt her mother by the despair oozing from her eyes. And that did nothing other than intensify the guilt inside of her. The incessant shame that coursed through her veins ever since the first incident with her uncle. All she did was hurt people. Her father was right to speak of her the way he did. Life would be so much easier for everyone if she hadn't have been born.
Inhaling a gradually deep breath, Lorna let it out with a frown. "I'm sorry, mom. I won't do it again, I promise. I only did it once, today and it won't happen ever again. I'm real sorry for disappointing you," she muttered, lips faintly trembling. She could feel tears forming at the bottom of her eyelids and sucked them back up as hard as she could.
That wasn't a sufficient response. Stansie shook her head. The bottom of her lip was drawn in underneath her top one, a gesture she used to halt herself from crying. Crying for her little girl. Her sweet little girl that appeared so broken in front of her now. And that was all because of her husband and that god-forsaken Mendez. Those two fucking broke her baby, and she vowed to make sure they paid for what they'd done. Nobody hurt any of her children without her wrath coming after them. Over her dead body would she ever allow them to get away with the hurt they caused.
Removing herself from her thoughts, Stansie leaned a bit closer to press a soothing kiss on the flesh of Lorna's forehead. The welt in her chest grew stronger as she looked the brunette child over. "You could never disappointment me, hon. I just want you to not hurt yourself, okay?" She waited until she saw Lorna give a timid head nod before continuing. A hand was softly used to comb through thick strands of brown waves. "I love you so much, my precious Lorna girl. And if you ever have the want to make yourself throw up like this again, please come talk to me about it. I don't want you hurting yourself. You've been hurt enough by other people, you don't need to be causing yourself any more of it."
Lorna nuzzled her face closer into the crook of her mother's neck and bobbed her head against it. "Okay, mom, I love you. I won't do it again."
It was a comment she couldn't abide by. For a while after the conversation she decreased somewhat but the second they all heard of Stansie's cancer diagnosis Lorna delved head-first right back into the cycle.
Chapter Text
Chapter Seventy-Eight
The time was nearing seven in the evening when Alex happened to be interrupted from her book by the sound of her doorbell's going off. Within seconds of hearing the sound she was bookmarking the novel in her hands and setting it on the coffee table directly in front of the sofa she'd been sprawled out on. Eyebrows ponderously curved up above her eyes. She hadn't been expecting any visitors to drop by. Shrugging her shoulders, she got up from the couch and walked briskly to the front door to open it.
Standing on the other side of her now opened front door was Nicky—a slightly more disheveled Nicky than she was used to seeing. Alex turned her head and gave a hard glance over her. She stepped aside after a long minute, gesturing with her hands for the teen to come inside. Once Nicky had abided by her nonverbal request, Alex shut and relocked the door. Though the neighborhood she lived in was relatively safe, she found locking the door soothed her nerves. Living alone since her mother's passing brought back a small volume of her childhood fears.
She twisted around so that she was facing Nicky again and easily noted the fatigue which emanated from her eyes. A slight frown formed on her face. Nicky was clearly spending every last ounce of her energy on her girlfriend—and of course, that was sweet but if she refused to take care of herself how long would she be able to keep going before she collapsed?
Forcing the thoughts away, at least momentarily, Alex waved her hand for Nicky to follow her into the kitchen. The least she could do for her friend was fix a fresh pot of coffee. Even though it was past seven—they could manage it. Coffee wasn't illegal after a certain time. She had to stifle a chuckle that nearly came out of her at her own mindful banter. Her throat was cleared as a way to bring herself out of her head once again. She got the coffee pot ready with water and two heaping scoops of ground coffee beans. While it started to heat the water, she went to grab two ceramic mugs from one of the cabinets above.
"What brings ya by, Nichols? Not that I mind, just wasn't expecting anyone dropping by this late," Alex queried while setting the cups on the Formica countertop beside the gradually brewing pot of coffee.
An innate snicker escaped from Nicky's windpipe upon hearing what was stated to her. She leaned her side against the rim of the counter she'd been standing near and turned her head towards the taller woman a few feet away. "You think this is late? It's hardly past seven o'clock, Vause, damn. Ya sure you're twenty and not two hundred?" Another snicker made its way through.
"Real funny," the black-haired woman jokingly retorted. Her eyes watched as the last of the dark liquid dripped into the vessel underneath the filter and once she was certain it was completely finished brewing, she grabbed it from the station and brought it over to pour inside the two mugs she'd previously placed beside the coffee maker.
One was kept in its spot, claimed for herself, and the other she carefully handed it to Nicky. She grew serious once more, after having reclaimed her spot near her awaiting cup of coffee, and shook her head sadly. "You look like you've been spending twenty-four seven in the hospital with Lorna, kid. I don't mean that as an insult, more as a comment of concern for you," Alex informed her upon looking her over for the second time since she'd allowed her inside only moments ago.
Sipping her coffee savoringly, Nicky curved her lips into a faint smirk before it dissipated like the sun in the sky as soon as evening time hit. A breath exhaled from her lungs after she swallowed the perfectly hot liquid swirling about her mouth. Her head shook slightly, her friend knew her too well sometimes. Way too well. Almost suffocatingly too well. Eyes widened. Was that how Lorna felt all the time over everyone fussing about her and what she was going through? No wonder Lorna got frustrated rather easily—it wasn't easy keeping things to oneself when certain people found one to be highly transparent.
"Well, ya caught me. I've been there overnight with her yesterday and I spend the majority of the day with her. She needs me, Vause. A lotta shit happened to her. Bad shit and I need to be there. But I guess even Lorna thought I was spending too much time there because she kicked me out for the night," Nicky muttered, shoulders recoiling up to the sides of her face. Maybe not so much as kicked her out but lovingly nudged her to take a night off.
Alex mirrored the redhead by lifting her own mug and taking a large sip of the coffee within it. When she swallowed it down, she replaced the mug back where it previously rested on the counter and stepped a few feet forward so that she could easily place a hand on either one of Nicky's shoulders. "Did she really kick ya out? That doesn't seem like her—Lorna's too nice to just shove ya on outta there, Nicky."
Nodding in agreement, Nicky chuckled warmly. Lorna was certainly way too sweet to just force her out of her hospital room. But leaving her—even if Lorna profusely assured her it was perfectly fine for her to do so—felt like she was being kicked out. She loathed the idea of Lorna spending the night all alone in that place. A place that was completely safe and full of people who could very easily help Lorna if something were to have gone wrong. She knew Lorna would be okay there but it still left her feeling vastly uneasy now knowing everything that had happened to her. All the evil, cruel, disturbing shit that happened to her sweetheart of a girlfriend.
A sigh was pushed out of her throat. She swallowed and tried to pry herself from her thoughts. Thoughts that were trying to suffocate her it seemed like. One of the reasons she found herself having coffee with Alex in Alex's house now. She needed a distraction from her ever active mind. Because she knew if she sat at home with the thoughts that eventually she'd give into her desire for heroin. The only stash that remained in her possession which she had tried to steer clear of. Heroin was the one thing that could give her a moment of peace. A moment of damn silence. And if she let herself have it, she knew she'd be doing exactly the damn opposite of what she was encouraging Lorna to do with her eating disorder. What kind of credibility would she have if she just gave the fuck in to her own addiction? Addiction? Her eyebrows arched several inches when she realized what slipped into her mind. Since when was she admitting to having an addiction?
"You okay?" Alex gently asked after a few minutes passed and no response was given. She patted one of her hands softly atop Nicky's shoulder in the hopes of bringing her out of her head. At least by the expression on her face that was what she assumed was going on—that Nicky was too engulfed in her own head.
"Yeah, yeah I'm good. I'm good," the young teen mumbled, busying herself by grabbing a hold of her coffee mug and sipping down the rest of what was inside it. Now she was doing what Lorna always did. Saying she was good when it was clear as fucking shit that she wasn't. Double standards much? She asked herself. How the hell could she ever expect Lorna to be open and honest with her when she now turned around and did the same damn thing?
Nicky watched as Alex picked up her cup and started walking back towards the living room. Naturally, she followed behind—though, since she'd already finished the coffee, left her cup sitting on the counter vacant. Alex settled back onto the sofa she'd been sitting on before Nicky's arrival and Nicky perched herself on the other side of it, situating herself so that she was sitting Indian-style with her body twisted slightly to the right.
The two shared a glance from their separate spots. It took less than a minute for Alex to come to the conclusion that Nicky's proclamation of being good was nothing more than a lie. She huffed out a sigh, sipping her coffee and placing it onto a coaster on the end-table on the other side of the arm of the sofa. "Good, are ya? You don't look it, kid. You look a little rough. You taking care of yourself? You know ya gotta take care of yourself, too, right? What good are you to Lorna if you're not okay, yeah?"
Hearing that simply caused a chuckle to sound through Nicky's larynx. Alex was what she was to Lorna it seemed like—but, of course, in only the utmost of platonic ways. It made sense, though, the two had been best friends for two years—verging on three. Alex had a pretty good sense when something was up with her, she knew, and vice versa. That was a normal best friend thing. It would be completely the opposite of normal if neither of them had the ability to tell when one was upset by something or not.
"No, I mean—I guess I'm not entirely good right now. But you have no fucking clue what Lorna's been through, Vause. If you knew what I know, you would understand why I really hate leaving her side. I fucking hate it. But fuck... Lorna—the sweet angel she is—pleaded for me to go home tonight. So I listened. Very reluctantly but I listened, that gets me points right?"
The two simultaneously snickered and Nicky sighed.
Her lungs filled back up with air while her hands mindlessly messed about with the string on the waistband of the sweatpants she'd changed into before driving over to Alex's house. "Honestly, you wanna know why I dropped by without notice?"
Giving a slow nod of her head, Alex carefully scooted down a little so that she was closer to her friend. Since she had an inkling a comforting embrace might be needed in the near future. "Of course. You can talk to me about it. I know ya wouldn't just stop over if there wasn't something serious going on. No matter what it is I'm glad ya came—You'll always be my best friend and I'll always be here for you," she gently reassured the other, reaching a hand over to cup around one of Nicky's.
A small smile was given. Quickly, however, the smile faded into a frown and an uneasiness formed in her gut in the mold of a knot. A tight, distressing, knot that felt like it was everything she'd heard Lorna reveal during the therapy session earlier in the morning. The pain of what Lorna had to endure at the fucking hands of her own uncle—which her own father just let fucking happen, it deepened the knot tremendously each time she thought about it. Made every strand of hair stick up on her arms, her legs, her fucking scalp.
The only thing that brought her out of the whirling, firing, emotions was the tapping of Alex's fingers against the top of her hand. She swallowed down the building rage the best she could. "I figured coming here would be a better alternative to using the heroin I have stashed in my room." Speaking the statement left her with a sour taste upon her tongue. She was disappointed with herself for even thinking about taking it and using it—that would have easily been one of the stupidest things she could have done. Especially at a time like this when her girlfriend needed her to be stable. And, obviously, if she got high on heroin she wouldn't be the stable person her sweet Lorna needed.
"Well, I'm proud of you for choosing to come here instead of using. That's a good sign, Nicky, it shows you really are trying. But god, what made you even want to do it in the first place? Do I wanna know?"
"Thanks, Al, but I'm mad at myself for even contemplating on it for as long as I did. How can I sit with Lorna and plead with her to stop starving herself but then here I am deciding whether I should take fucking heroin or not, ya know? How fucked up is that?" Anger intensified the more she spoke her thoughts aloud. The more she pondered over the events of the day. The events of Lorna's past. She bit harshly down on her tongue and shook her head violently. "Do you wanna know? Probably not, it's sick. Totally sick and twisted. I'm gonna tell ya anyway because if I keep it in I guarantee ya I'll explode. Right here right now."
Observing the ever growing tension, Alex moved even closer and wrapped a comforting arm around Nicky's shoulder. Using it to pull her in for a clearly needed embrace. An embrace she hoped would ease away some of Nicky's anger. "Of course, go on and tell me. Does this have to do with you or Lorna or both? That part ya haven't really made clear," she wondered, looking down at her with intriguingly curved eyebrows.
A snuffle pierced through her nose. Nicky robotically tapped her foot against the tiled floor it rested on and shifted her eyes onto the window a few feet over from the front door. "It has to do with Lorna. I was with her for her therapy appointment outta support for her and I learned some shit. Real bad shit that's happened to her, Vause. Like evil bad. Fucking evil bad shit. And you have no fucking clue how much I want to get revenge on the people who caused her this evil bad shit. That's why I was thinking about using the heroin—to numb my fucking brain. The rage is consuming me. I want to hurt the people who hurt Lorna. So bad—so, so, bad."
"What, uh, what kinda evil bad shit are ya talking about here?" The question nervously came from Alex's mouth. Arm slightly tightening around the younger girl as a way to somehow keep her together. Or at least she was hoping it would do that. She knew exactly how impulsive Nicky could be and knew when it came to Lorna it would take a lot more than an embrace to retain her from seeking justice. Well, what she thought to be justice, anyway.
Nicky lifted a hand up to her head and twirled a finger around a random strand of her own red hair. "She's been abused. Sickly abused by her own uncle and her dad fucking knew about it and didn't give a shit—fuck, he encouraged it. He encouraged Lorna's uncle to hurt her, Vause, in the sickest way imaginable. His own daughter. Like how the hell fucked up of a person do ya have to be to let your own child be fucking sexualized by another damn grown man? I mean I thought Lorna's father was bad before…but now, fuck, he's Satan himself. I fucking swear he is. Only Satan would fucking find pleasure in the sick shit that was done to her."
Instinctively, Alex pulled her closer and stroked a hand soothingly up and down her back to try to ease away some of the agony tearing through her body at the moment. She'd never witnessed anything quite like what she was now. Grant it, given what Nicky had just disclosed, it was completely understandable the reason for her unrelenting rage. The reason she was witnessing something she hadn't been accustomed to witnessing. Hell, now she could whole-heartedly see why Nicky had been contemplating over whether to take heroin or not. Having the details of what the girl she loved had been through—it was too much for her to sit with. Of course heroin would pop into her mind. Because heroin could numb out the thoughts, the feelings. And she knew Nicky wasn't fond of feelings and emotions. So, it all fell into place for her now.
Inhaling slowly—deeply—she turned her head and peered solemnly into Nicky's brown eyes. Brown eyes that held quite a bit of pain in them now. She frowned. "Shit, Nichols, are ya saying she was abused…erm…sexually? I mean I remember ya sayin' how her dad had been abusive to her but I didn't think you meant he was…you know, inappropriately touching her. Jesus. No, Satan," the words tasted bitter as she spoke them. It made her sick inside to even think about the possibility. She couldn't imagine what Nicky was feeling let alone Lorna herself.
Grinding down on her teeth was the only way she could retain the majority of the rage firing through her veins. Her hands were brought to the sides of the top of her head and pushed back at her thick mane of hair. For a second she wished she had chosen the heroin instead of being a good girl who came to her friend's house—at least she would have been high and not fucking pissed the hell off. "Yeah, un-fucking-fortunately, I am. She was sexually molested by her uncle. She didn't say her dad did but I wouldn't be entirely surprised if he had. Her father is just as evil as her uncle." Nicky forced herself to pause right there and take a breath—or a few breaths.
The rage was eating her alive. The more she talked about it the angrier she fucking got. The more she fucking desired heroin instead of this conversation. But, no, she had to make the right decision. She just had to. Damn her sweet Lorna for turning her into a decent human being, she thought. A decent human being who at this particular moment harbored a strong desire to murder both Mr. Morello and Lorna's uncle. Anyone who hurt Lorna in such a vile, disgusting, way deserved to be killed. And tortured.
"Her father—he fucking told her uncle to punish her however the hell he wanted. So basically he gave his brother fucking permission to sexualize the hell out of my girlfriend. My sweet damn angel of a girlfriend. I can't – I can't fucking wrap my head around how another human being could do something like that. How a fucking dad could just act like his daughter is a piece of property…it makes me fucking sick, Alex. Sick as hell."
"When, when did this all happen? Is this recent? Fucking Christ."
Nicky swallowed hard. That was the worst part of it all, she thought, was when it happened. She grinded even further onto her teeth which really did nothing to calm her anger or cease her mind from thinking up scenarios on how she could seek revenge on those two demented demons. "No, it wasn't recent. Lorna said it happened when she was eleven. That was fucking four years ago—she's been living with this sick secret for four fucking years, Al. Can you imagine what the fuck that's done to her? I just—I'm so mad; so unbelievably, indescribably, mad. How could I be in a relationship with her for months and not have seen the damn signs?"
"How about you just take a minute and catch your breath, yeah? It's not your fault you didn't know, Nicky. You're not blaming yourself are ya? You know damn well Lorna would never want you to blame yourself for anything." Alex did her best to try and calm away the continuing anger inflecting itself through Nicky's voice and demeanor. She tightened her arms slightly, not wanting the younger girl to give into the rage telling her to pursue revenge on the men who brought unimaginable amount of pain to the person she loved so dearly.
Yet, a sickness of her own formed in the pit of her stomach. Being told what and when the incident took place left a bitter taste in her mouth. No wonder Nicky was so heavily craving and desiring payback on the two people who were the cause of Lorna's pain. What they did to her was pure evil—downright disgusting. Though she had not been given specific details as to what truly happened, she didn't need them to know how fucking twisted and perverted the behavior was. To sexually abuse an eleven year old child—she shook her head distastefully, to do something so vile as that one had to be a monster. Or the devil. Or fucking both. Fuck. Not just had to be one of the two, they were a devilish monster because only a devilish monster would do something as heinous as take—or attempt to take—an innocent child's virginity from them. A normal, good, person would never even think to take part in such a cruel act.
Take a breath. Take a minute to breathe. Head shook rapidly, violently, at the statement. A statement that was nothing more than a damn statement. A statement that would do nothing to make anything fucking better. Taking a breath would not undo what was fucking already done to Lorna. Taking a breath would not magically fix the problem. It wouldn't take away her anger or desire for revenge. It wouldn't make Lorna feel any better. Wouldn't change what happened from happening in the first place. No, no, no. Nicky did not need to just take a damn minute and breathe. That was counter fucking productive, she deemed. Absolutely counter fucking productive. How could she make things right if she was just sat there catching her breath?
Ironically, however, as she was sitting with her piercing thoughts, a heaping breath of air did expel quite sharply from her mouth. Not planned at all and after its release from her body, she felt no difference. No easing of the rage, no less wanting to choke the hell out of Mr. Morello and whoever the hell Lorna's uncle George happened to be. All those feelings were still inside of her. Still boiling through each fucking one of her veins. She reached a hand up and placed it on one of her temples, rubbing at it rather harshly.
Sitting there was only adding to the anger, the agitation. Nicky pushed herself out of Alex's embrace and up from the sofa, slowly beginning to walk about the room in circles. The room was too small and there wasn't enough air to breathe in. So, even if she wanted to take Alex's advice, she couldn't with the limited air quantity.
Fuck, she thought as she sped up each time she walked another circle, she should have stuck to her original plan and stayed home with her tiny stash of heroin. The heroin would have at least numbed her the hell out. Subdued the never-ending emotions whirling through her head. Her head that right now felt like it weighed more than whatever the house she was in currently weighed. It was pounding so hard she would not have been surprised if it just pounded right the fuck off of the rest of her body.
Alex remained in her spot, watching helplessly as one of her best friends paced around her living room in clear agony. Agony which she wasn't entirely sure how she could be of help to her right now. It was hard to see Nicky like this, struggling so much and not know what she could possibly do for her. She certainly couldn't go back in time and stop the incident from happening to Lorna—obviously what Nicky likely wanted most as she angrily frisked from one side of the room to the next.
A sigh came through her larynx. Eyes saddened but never faltering from Nicky. At least Nicky chose to come to her instead of reaching for the heroin, she reminded herself. If nothing else, she was able to keep her from using. Which was definitely a good thing given the current circumstances. With everything going on with Lorna and Nicky the last thing any of them needed was Nicky's using drugs. That would only add more fuel to the already burning fire.
She allowed the pacing to go on for another couple of minutes before finally intervening. Carefully she got up from the couch as well and made her way to where Nicky was, grabbing her a little more firmly by the shoulders than she planned but it was probably a safe move on her behalf. Nicky stopped now that she was constrained by Alex's grip and Alex moved her hands from her shoulders up to her face, turning it so that she could stare sternly into her eyes.
"You have every right to be angry and upset, Nicky. What happened to Lorna is fucked up," she assured her, keeping her voice even and stern. Her hands kept a tight grasp on her cheeks. "But if you're thinking about seriously going after Lorna's uncle and dad, murdering them…Nicky that won't solve anything. That would only do more harm than good. You'd end up in prison and Lorna would be heartbroken not having you."
Sucking in her lower lip, Nicky rolled her eyes but nodded her head curtly. Though she strongly believed both of those men should pay for their wrongdoings with their lives, she wasn't stupid. She knew she couldn't actually murder them even if she really fucking wanted to. Lorna needed her. And if she killed either one of those two dick-sticks, she couldn't properly be there for Lorna. So, despite the longing urge, Nicky made up her mind early on that killing them was not an option for her. She wouldn't risk going away to prison and leaving Lorna behind for those two demons.
"I know, Vause, I know. Okay? I'm not gonna fucking kill them. I just want to. Really fucking bad. But I won't because you're right. It won't do any good. It won't take any of the pain they already caused Lorna away. And I don't want her to be left without me because of my impulsivity. But those two fuck heads still need to pay for the shit they did to her. I don't think it's fair that they can still be enjoying life while my precious girlfriend is fucking suffering so damn bad that she resorts to causing her own pain. Because of those two fucking monsters. They scarred my Lorna so badly that she wants to hurt herself. She likes torturing and tormenting herself, Alex. She fucking thinks it's normal to constantly hurt and feel like shit. She normalized the pain because of what those monsters did to her, what they probably put in her head."
The frown on Alex's face only intensified after hearing Nicky's rage-driven speech. Never in a million years would she have ever imagined what kind of hell Lorna had been through. Even Franny never talked about anything of the sort during their work shifts. And Franny would inadvertently allow a lot of things to slip from her mouth when they were barista-ing together. But given the sick, demented, details, Alex could see why Franny would never let something like this slip out. This was certainly the most fucked up thing Alex ever heard. Sure, she knew things like this happened all the time all over the world but never once did she believe one of her friends could be the victim of such cruelty.
A bit of anger was gradually starting form within her own self the more her mind pondered on the disclosers she'd been given all within the past forty minutes. She shook her head and drew in a breath. One of them had to stay level-headed and clearly that person had to be her, she prompted herself. Both of them getting mad and upset wouldn't undo what already happened. Wouldn't magically make it all better. She took in a couple more deep breaths and soon felt the anger dwindle away.
"Well you're right that those two shouldn't be living free after what they did to Lorna. They should be in prison, rotting like every other sick pedophile and child molester," Alex commented, slightly gritting her teeth to keep her words steady. She peered into Nicky's eyes and when she saw how truly distressed she was, her arms automatically wrapped around her and pulled her in for a soothing embrace. "I'm so sorry, Nicky. For both you and Lorna. This shit isn't gonna be easy to deal with. What do you mean Lorna's torturing and tormenting herself?"
Nicky swallowed a lump that had been sitting in the back of her throat for the past several minutes and mentally debated whether to tell the whole truth to Alex or just the gist of it. It certainly hadn't felt like it was her place to tell her what Lorna was dealing with but she'd already overshared with the uncle incident, what was a little more? A breath expelled through her lungs. It wasn't like she was telling Alex out of spite or anything, she just needed her and others to understand how deeply scarred Lorna was from what was done to her.
"It's a more subtle way I guess that she's been torturing herself. I mean it took me until recently to fucking realize it so she's pretty good at keeping up her 'I'm okay' charade," she finally answered, throwing her hands up to emphasize her point. But then a scoff came out and she smacked her hands together. "Or we're all just blind and stupid—"
The sound of her phone going off instantly interjected the conversation. Seeing Lorna's name appear her heart-rate fastened tremendously.
Chapter 80
Notes:
Merry Christmas, I hope everyone has a wonderful holiday! Thank you to those who are still taking time out of their day to read this story of mine, I can't say enough how much I appreciate that.
Chapter Text
Chapter Seventy-Nine
Nervously but rapidly clicking the accept call button, Nicky pressed the phone tightly to one of her ears and forced a smile to her face as she focused her eyes out onto one of the barren walls behind where she and Alex were standing. Once she felt Alex's arms release from around her, she ventured slowly into the kitchen just so she could half lean herself against the rim of one of the counters. "Hey, kid," she softly murmured into the receiver, trying to keep her voice steady despite the apprehension heavily looming through her in that moment.
"Hey, uh, hon. I just wanted to call and check on ya," was Lorna's sheepish response on the other line. Her head rested on the pillow beneath as she held the phone to her ear with one of her shoulders. Guilt set in the pit of her stomach in the form of a knot. A reason she hadn't understood why. Maybe she felt guilty so much that it became a constant feeling. A feeling that would never truly go away. The guilt would be there no matter what, even if there was no true reason to feel such a way. Like now. She couldn't figure out what was making her so damn guilty.
Apprehension swiftly transformed into a warmth rushing through her. Nicky sighed in relief, grateful that at least there wasn't anything terrible happening to make Lorna call her. What she had expected after talking so much about the incident. Her mind had been engulfed vastly with all that information she assumed the second she saw Lorna's number appear on her phone something bad was going on. To say she was calmed now would be a bit of an understatement.
"Aw, doll, I'm good. I decided to go to Alex's house, and believe it or not she's about to turn two hundred," Nicky lightened the mood with a joke. She needed to hear Lorna's laugh. Something innocent and precious to calm her anger even more. She needed a break from the rage, the fury—it was wreaking havoc on her and draining her energy quite profusely.
As if she transported her thoughts directly into Lorna's brain, a warm giggle was heard through the phone and whatever unwanted emotions had been left were instantly washed away by the angelic sound.
Lorna turned on her side, a small smile on her face, and lifted a hand up to cradle around the back of the phone so it didn't fall from her ear. "Two hundred? Wow, she looks young for her age," she continued the joke, eyes peering ahead into nothing. It was comforting having Nicky's voice speaking into her ear—a good distraction after the events of the day…or few days, hell few months.
Nodding, Nicky stood up straight and walked over to the window by the sink to stare out at the stars now shinning brightly in the sky. God was it beautiful, she thought. Not nearly as beautiful as the person she was currently on the phone with but beautiful, nonetheless. She felt her lips curl into a smile and let her body naturally press up against the edge of the sink so that she had a better view of what lie on the other side of the window her eyes continued to peer out of.
"Yeah, I showed up here and she said it was late. Late, kid, can ya believe that? Vause thinks seven in the evening is late. I thought she was only twenty but clearly she's an old lady in the body of a twenty-year-old," a chuckle followed directly after the words were spoken. She instinctively reached a hand out in front of her and let it fall onto the pane of window, not once having moved her eyes from off of it. The sight was too mesmerizing for her to look away.
"Oh, hon, you're so funny. I know you think seven in the evening is basically morning, don't you? You're a real night owl—what're you and Alex doing? I wish I was there instead of this boring hospital. I hope you two are doing something fun and have fun for me too."
A hard swallow took place the same time Lorna spoke into the receiver on the other end of the phone. Her heart cracked in half a faint amount hearing the sparse sadness trying to disguise itself from Lorna's voice. She, too, wished Lorna was there with them. Being a regular teenager like she and the rest of their high school. But, instead, thanks to her evil father and uncle, she was stuck in the hospital from the deep-rooted scars their actions left her with. Deep-rooted scars that clearly made her believe she needed to feel pain in order to live and function like the rest of society.
She pushed aside the running thoughts and rested her free hand on her cheek. A breath huffed out of her. "We're just chillin', kid, ain't nothing exciting going on. I wish you were here with us, too, but ya need to be in the hospital until the doctor clears ya. How are you feeling? Are you sure you're okay? Do ya need anything, babe?"
Shaking her head automatically despite the fact that Nicky would be unable to see it, Lorna pulled the cover up even further and a silent yawn escaped from her open mouth. She let the tips of her fingers brush softly along the edge of her phone she held to her ear. "I'm fine, hon. I just wanted to call and make sure you were okay. I know today was hard on ya, I felt bad telling you to leave but you need to look after yourself, Nicky. I love you so much and yeah, I want you with me but I also don't want ya burning yourself out because of me. And ya been here nonstop the past couple a nights so I just I thought you could use a night in your own bed, ya know?" She continued stroking the phone with the tips of her fingers. Wishing it was Nicky's cheek she was stroking rather than the cold metal of her cellular device.
Digging her elbows into the rim of the sink countertop, Nicky's shoulders shifted as a breath of air heavily forced itself out through her nose. A few stars twinkled in the sky and she felt a small sense of peace. She needed to keep calm. Lorna certainly didn't need to witness her anger right there on the phone. When it sounded like she was feeling rather fine for a change—or neutral, Nicky corrected. Lorna wasn't fine. She was struggling and there was no sugarcoating or denying it.
"You're sweet, kid, ya know that?" Nicky murmured and Lorna giggled.
God, she could fucking listen to that giggle for an eternity and never get sick of it. Fuck, Nicky thought after, she was turning into mush when it came to Lorna. Before the pair became a couple, Nicky would have never been caught alive saying half the things she so effortlessly said to Lorna. Hell, she was even starting to actually believe soulmates were a thing. Who knew love could change so much about a person?
Sighing, Nicky emerged from her thoughts and walked away from the sink. Instead, she decided on going out the kitchen door to get some fresh air while continuing the conversation with Lorna. It was a little chilly as she carefully shut the door behind her but the view was too stunning to pass up. A wicker chair was off to the side of the door she noticed out of the corner of her eye and marched her way to it, sitting down with one leg crossed over the other.
"I hate not being there with you, though. Especially now after everything that's happened. I just wanna be by your side and protect you, Lorna. You're the sweetest person and you don't deserve anything that's been done to you. You know that, right?"
Despite the violent shake of her head and knotted sensation in her stomach, Lorna pursed her lips into a smile and tightened her grip on the phone. At least Nicky couldn't see her expression or body-language when she was speaking. She'd lie now but, she wanted to keep the peace for the time being. Wanted to make sure Nicky had no worries or fears for one damn night. Nicky deserved that. "I know, hon. It's okay, though, I'll be okay alone tonight. I want you to worry about you, please. I love you, Nicky, I love having you here but I know you're neglecting yourself. So promise me you'll get some rest tonight and do something that makes you happy. You're allowed to be happy even if I'm not there, honey. I still love you and I'm not gonna stop. I want you to be happy no matter what," Lorna tenderly assured the older teen. Fingers stroking softly near the bottom of the phone.
Nicky inwardly sighed and held the phone against her ear with shoulder so that she could take her own face in both of her hands. Eyes gazed into the darkness of the night, catching the twinkling of a star in the distance. What the hell did she ever do to deserve someone as precious as Lorna Morello in her life? She shifted her position on the chair so that her legs were curled up instead of hanging over the edge. There was nothing she could think of, at least not on the top of her mind, that she ever did that warranted her having earned such an angel for her girlfriend.
Snuffling in some air through the nostrils of her nose, Nicky gradually brought her focus right back to the phone conversation outside of her head. "I love you too, doll," her voice not louder than a mere whisper. She sighed and continued to gaze out into the starry night. The longer she stared the more her thoughts drifted. Suddenly, her eyes were squinting into the abyss. "Hey, uh, Lorna?"
Lorna naturally poked her head up and then mutedly snickered at herself when she remembered Nicky was calling out through the phone. She changed what side she was resting on before acknowledging Nicky's request. "Yeah, hon?" Her hand that wasn't pressing the phone to her ear she moved to the blanket, letting her fingers trace circles around the threaded fabric. The slight unease spilling from her girlfriend's tone perked up her concern.
Another deep breath was taken slowly in. A hard swallow of the intensifying lump shortly followed. It wasn't her intent to ruin the light-hearted mood of the call but Lorna's words from their time in the cafeteria still rang through her mind and she couldn't stop from wondering if when she left Lorna did anything to herself. Wondered if the only reason Lorna truly encouraged her to go home for the night was so that she could be alone to harm—or as she heard Lorna put it, punish herself.
"You haven't tried to do anything to yourself since I left, have you?" Nicky loathed that she had to ask such a question but she couldn't live with the worry. She couldn't live with fear that Lorna was destructing her health even more than she already had.
"What? No, hon, course' not. I just been layin' here watching TV and talkin' to Franny…she called right before you did. I promise, Nicky, it's all good," the brunette hurriedly responded back, hoping to God Nicky believed her. She wasn't going to add anymore agony to Nicky's heart. There was already so much there from her behavior, she wouldn't allow herself to be the cause of it any longer. Nicky didn't deserve to live in constant worry and fear because of her and her choices. A frown melded onto her face. She despised herself for hurting Nicky so much and so damn often. That was never, ever, her intention.
"I hope you're being honest, babe. I don't want you hurting yourself anymore. And if you do hurt yourself, I don't want you keeping silent. You deserve to have love and support with everything that you're suffering with. I know you're used to doing things alone but, baby, you're not alone anymore. I'm here. I'm here, Lorna, and I'm not going anywhere. You don't have to be afraid of being open with me about anything, I promise. I want to support you through all of this; I love you and I want to take care of you, doll."
Albeit the guilt creeping up within her upon hearing such a heartfelt speech from a person who clearly—profusely—loved her, Lorna pushed past the feeling and let her lips naturally curve up into a smile. She tightened her hand around the phone on her ear, wishing Nicky was physically there beside her so she could engulf her in one of the biggest hugs possible. Because contrary to the guilt, how those sweet, loving, words that Nicky spoke to her made her feel was like a damn puddle of mush. Made her feel like all she wanted—desired—to do in that moment was to take Nicky in her arms and hold her for an eternity or two.
However, being that they were separated by a phone call and a distance of a few miles, Lorna couldn't give into the desire right then. All she could do now was snuggle into the mattress of her bed, a smile on her face, and the phone lovingly embraced against her ear. She would never ever fucking understand how the hell she got graced with Nicky in her life—how she, Lorna fucking batshit Morello, was every truly worthy or deserving of a beautiful soul like her sweet Nicky Nichols. But she vowed to herself and God, or whoever the higher being was, she would never go a day without making sure Nicky knew just how appreciated and adored she was for every last thing that she'd done for Lorna.
Tranquilly shaking herself from her thoughts, Lorna gazed across the room at a spontaneous spot on the wall and felt her smile slightly widen. "I promise, hon, I'm being honest. I appreciate you and your concern more than I can explain, Nicky. You're the sweetest and I wish you were right next me to so I could give ya a real big hug right now. But I'll save that for the next time I see you. I love you so, so, much honey. I'm real glad you're with Alex tonight, I hope you two have a relaxing evening. You deserve that, Nicky, you're always so stressed," her voice warmly murmured against the receiver of the phone.
Nicky let out a breath and rested her head on the back of the chair she was seated on. Eyes remained looking out at the beautiful night sky. Even though it was only half past seven, it looked like midnight. Spring may have been on the cusp but it certainly wasn't wholly there yet. She snuffled and switched what ear she had the phone pressed up to. "I'll be there first thing in the morning, Lorna. And I'll give you a hug. The longest, closest, warmest hug possible, doll. I love you. Please take care of yourself tonight, get some rest. And if you need anything, kid, please call me. No matter what time it is," Nicky sternly told her, a mere command.
She didn't trust that hospital after hearing of the nightly visit Mr. Morello paid Lorna the other day. The back of her mind wouldn't let go of that memory. Wouldn't let go of the worry she felt leaving Lorna all alone in that particular hospital. That hospital where her sick, twisted, father also happened to be a patient at. Nicky loathed the thought of Lorna being in the same building as him, even more so now that she'd found what all she'd been put through. And with no one there to protect and keep her safe if he decided to go in for round two.
A sigh came out as she watched a light twinkle through the sky. The two had reluctantly said goodbye and Nicky listened for the line to click off. She wasn't the fondest of hanging up a call with Lorna so had long decided she would let Lorna do the hanging up any time they had a phone conversation.
Several minutes passed since the call had ended and Nicky remained set in the wicker chair on the patio of her best friend's backyard. The phone still gripped against her ear even though there was no sound coming from it any longer. She quickly became immersed with her thoughts the longer she stayed in her current position. It wasn't until the backdoor of Alex's house opened and the very person walked through it and over to sit in the other wicker chair right beside hers that she finally let herself regroup on the out there world.
Situating herself on the chair beside her, Alex turned slightly to peer her over. Trying to decipher what possibly the younger girl was feeling or thinking. Still not sure she trusted Nicky wouldn't act on the anger or rage. Her desire for revenge. She reached over the table that separated their seats and placed a tender on one of Nicky's. "It's not that chilly out here, guess it'll be spring sooner than we thought huh?"
"Yeah, I guess so. I prefer winter but Lorna's excited for spring. And I like seeing Lorna smile so I guess I'll have to learn to tolerate spring," Nicky muttered in response, eyes retaining their gaze out into the starry sky. With everything Lorna had gone through, she deserved something to be happy about. Even if it was only the changing of seasons. Something so simple to the rest of them but clearly held a sentimental value to her girlfriend. Nicky certainly wouldn't do a damn thing to ruin it for her.
Alex nodded and the two sat in silence for a few minutes. Both looking at the star filled sky above.
"Fuck, Vause, ya got any cigs or anything to smoke?" Nicky broke the quiet spell, shifting her head to finally peer back at the older woman. Fingers from her free hand tapped rhythmically against the arm of the chair.
With a faint snicker, Alex brought her shoulders up in a shrug and threw up her hands in a light-hearted retaliation. "I'm outta cigarettes but I do have some weed. It's actually from when my mom was sick—it was the only thing that helped the pain from her treatment," she told her, a pang forming in her chest to bring up her mother. Still a sore subject but a lot less than when it first happened.
Observing her as she spoke Nicky was easily able to see the faint pain that expressed itself momentarily on Alex's face. She instinctively squeezed the hand holding hers tightly and gave a nod of acknowledgement to her. There wasn't much she could relate to—her own biological mother didn't give two shits about her but she did have Red now and if she ever had to lose Red…she couldn't even fathom how much pain that would cause her. Red was a better mother than Marka could ever even dream to be.
"Oh, Al, I'm sorry. We don't have to touch any of that—"
Alex waved a hand in the air and shook her head. The pang faded and a smile displayed itself on her face. It would never be entirely easy to talk about her mother no matter how much time had gone by since her death but she also knew her mother wouldn't want her to be stuck in a muck for the rest of her life over her own demise. Mrs. Vause did everything she could so that Alex could have a better life than she had growing up and Alex refused to waste whatever time she had on this planet drowning in self-pity.
"I mean there's no use in it just sitting in the cupboard, it'll just get stale. Plus I've been smokin' a little of it each night since my mom's passing, anyway. It's the only way I can get any real sleep, ya know?"
Brushing her fingers gingerly along the flesh of her hand, Nicky tilted her head and stared apprehensively across at the darker haired woman. Concern forming after hearing her best friend's disclosure. "Yeah, ya make a good point there. It'd be a waste for it to just sit," she responded agreeably but still held an apprehensive expression upon her face. "How big is this bottle of weed ya got, Vause? Didn't ya lose her over a year ago? Must be a pretty big bottle of weed to last ya this long, huh?"
"Well, I still have the prescription for it from my mom and, uh, her doctor gave her quite a few refills she could use and luckily the pharmacist knows me and, uh, hooks me up when I go. But it's not often I have to refill it, I only smoke like a pinch or less of it a night. Just enough to relax me so I can fall asleep," Alex hurriedly responded, averting her eyes away from Nicky and back out onto the starry sky.
"Hmm," the redhead teenager hummed, tightening her hand around Alex's after having switched the positions of them. "That sounds healthy, Al. Taking weed to help ya sleep every night. Sounds a little on the addictive side if ya ask me. But I mean I guess weed's healthier to be addicted to than heroin, yeah?"
"Weed is basically a plant, so, technically that's a freebie. Right? Not like I smoke it all day long or anything, it's just a sleep aide like melatonin but better."
Nicky slightly narrowed her eyes despite the chuckle that naturally escaped her. Both shoulders bounced forward, merely touching the sides of her face. Who the hell was she to judge anyone? The question popped through her mind. She had her own issues, certainly she had no room to be judging her best friend for something as innocent as a little pinch of weed before bed. But, yet, she couldn't stop from somewhat worrying for the older girl. The older girl who was clearly an adult and could make much more rational decisions than she could.
"Sure, Al. Whatever makes ya feel better about your choices," she tried to joked but the expression on Alex's face told her she failed at the attempt.
Crossing her arms defensively over her chest, the black-haired woman stared hard at her best friend. Fingers tapped impatiently against the sleeve of her other arm. "Do ya wanna smoke weed or not?" The curtness in her tone surprised herself after she'd said it. She hadn't meant for her voice to sound so bitter but the fact that Nicky may have been thinking or assuming that her little nightly weed routine was a problem of sorts didn't sit particularly well with her.
Exhaling gradually, Nicky nodded fervently and reached to place a comforting hand on the still rather wary Alex. Eyes stared back at her, softer and gentler than the blue ones aimed at herself. She shouldn't have been so quick to make any judgements, she silently scolded herself. Alex clearly had a valid reasoning behind her decision and technically, weed was a plant and not some hardcore drug like her beloved heroin happened to be.
She sighed, patting her hand softly atop the shoulder she had seconds ago placed it. "Yes, I really…really wanna smoke weed right now. I'm sorry for upsetting ya, Al, I just worry bout' ya. But you're right, weed ain't shit compared to all the other drugs out there."
"It's fine. I'm sorry, too. I don't really talk about my mom or weed habits with anyone so I wasn't expecting that." Alex pushed up from her seat, clasped her hands loudly together, and threw a smile to her friend. "Enough chit chat, I'll be back with the weed and pipe. I prefer smoking it out here, honestly. It keeps the smell outta the house and I always find the effects work better when I smoke it outside."
Watching the taller woman vanish back through the kitchen door, Nicky felt a random pang of guilt creep up inside her chest. Regret overcame her now that she was alone once more with her thoughts. She really needed to learn how to not act so damn impulsively. Her impulses would eventually end up hurting the people she cared about which wasn't something she wanted to happen. The only people she wanted to hurt were people who deserved it. People like Lorna's uncle and father. Not people like Alex or Lorna.
Thoughts were swiftly—and gratefully—interrupted by the sound of the door swinging open and boisterous footsteps making their way over to the wicker chair on the other side of the small table separating it from hers. Nicky turned her head in direction of the noise, observing as Alex sat down again in her earlier spot and placed the bottle of weed along with the pipe and lighter onto the glass surface between the two of them.
"Too bad Lorna's stuck in the hospital right now. I bet she'd join us out here for a smoke, yeah?" Alex arched an eyebrow at Nicky while popping the lid off of the medical marijuana bottle she'd set on the surface of the table.
Tilting her head to one side of her shoulder, Nicky returned the stare but wasn't sure if she agreed with the idea of having Lorna join them for a smoke. Lorna already had such a frantic mind, the last thing she needed was for it to be massively intensified by the high that smoking weed produced. They already attempted that before at the party many months prior and that hadn't gone over entirely well.
"Yeah I wish she were here instead but not sure weed is a good idea for her right now."
Grabbing a pinch of the cannabis from the opened bottle, Alex stopped what she was doing and lifted her head to look back at the redhead across from her. Eyebrows remained curved curiously over her blue eyes. "Why not? I mean she did it before when we went to that party of your friend's and it didn't do anything crazy to her."
Nicky watched as Alex held the pipe full of weed in her hands and grabbed the lighter with her other hand. A sigh came out of her. Her eyes momentarily shifted away from the other, peering out into the night once more. She ran her hands through her thick mane of red hair and drew in a breath. "Yeah, I know, but that was before I knew Lorna was fucking starving herself. I don't know what weed would do to her if she's not even eating enough. But it doesn't matter now, anyway, she's not here to do it."
A nod was given in response to her statement. Getting high on marijuana likely wasn't the safest choice when one's body was undernourished. Alex placed the lighter underneath the bowl and brought the straw closer to her mouth until it was effortlessly able to be sucked in inside of it. Two rather swift inhales were slowly taken in and released once she'd taken the straw back out of her mouth. Clouds of air escaped her as she handed the device over to Nicky.
"She'd probably just feel an exaggerated sensation of highness. Even from this tiny amount we're doing right now. Yeah, it's probably good she's not here to feel enticed to smoke it."
Mirroring Alex's previous actions, Nicky waited for the sound of the crackling cannabis before she inhaled deeply through the skinny part of the pipe. Once she released her lips from the rim of it and set both the lighter and pipe back onto the table, she exhaled slowly and let her body completely relax. It was a muted sense of peace that now loomed over her. Not quite as intense as what heroin made her feel but sufficient at easing away the majority of her worries and stresses for the time being.
The stars suddenly appeared larger and brighter in the sky above her. Lips innately curled into a smile. Maybe smoking outside on a dark night like this was something she should be doing more often. She felt more than relaxed sitting on the most comfortable wicker chair she'd ever sat on with the best weed she'd ever smoked, with one of the best friends' she'd ever made. Nothing bothered her in that specific moment. Nothing bothered her other than the fact that she could go for another hit.
So she grabbed the pipe and lighter once more, repeating her movements from just moments ago and the smile on her face doubled in size after she breathed out a smoky breath. "There, I had a smoke for Lorna too. If she can't be here, might as well commemorate in her honor. Yeah? She'd want us to. Hell, she did tell me she wanted us to have fun for her and fuck—weed is fun, so the more the better. The happier Lorna is for us," a snicker corresponded her comment.
With a chuckle of her own, Alex copied Nicky's gesture and took a second hit of the weed as well. As air funneled its way out through her mouth, she nodded her agreement and placed her hand on the younger girl's shoulder. "Exactly, Lorna would want us to smoke weed for her. So, it's only fair that we abide by her wishes. When she's better and out of the hospital, she can come over and have a smoke of her own."
"Perfect. As long as she's eating decently."
Chapter Text
Chapter Eighty
The room was bright with sunlight pouring in through one of the windows a few feet away from the back of her bed. Lorna squinted her eyes immediately upon opening them from the pain such brightness caused them. They quickly deterred off of the sunlight and over onto the clock, reading the time was nearing seven thirty in the morning. With her focus still on said clock, she noticed out of the corner of her eye a silhouette of a human shadow seemingly sitting in a chair nearby.
Her entire head shifted in position of where she caught a glimpse of the figure and once she'd gotten a better view of who's shadow it was, her face scrunched up slightly to see that it was not only Mrs. Chapman but Mr. Chapman as well. Both occupying the chairs directly across from where her bed resided. The wife looked her over with her usual displeased mien while Mr. Chapman stared in concern. Lorna cleared her throat and sat herself up more in the bed. Arms crossing naturally over her chest, unsure of why the two of them were there now. After three days of not even calling to see if she was alive.
"How did ya know I was here? Neither a ya called me or nothin' to ask what was going on so I'm curious how ya found where I am," Lorna coldly interrogated, a frown melding onto her face as she retained her stare between the two adults. Most of her bitterness was meant for Mrs. Chapman, really. Mrs. Chapman was fake with her since the day she was brought to their house. And the way she sat in that chair, lackadaisically, boiled the blood underneath her skin.
Carol gritted her teeth at the tone in the teenager's voice. Neither of her children ever spoke to her in a tone as icy as the one she just listened Lorna speak to her in. Which only made her loathe the fact that she and her husband were fostering her. How could they open their beautiful home to someone as bratty as Lorna? She grinded harder on her teeth and crossed a leg over her other. "You think it's our fault we didn't know where you were?" The tone inflected through her voice matched that of the younger girl's.
Swallowing thickly, Mr. Chapman turned his head momentarily away to roll his eyes without anyone witnessing. Sometimes he questioned why he married a person so high-strung like his wife was. She always had to make things about her when it came to other people's problems. He shook his head, took in a breath, and returned his awareness back onto the young brunette lying in the hospital bed across from where he sat. A hard nudge was given to his wife, silently telling her to cool it.
"No, Carol, Lorna's right. We are legally responsible for her and we should have been the ones to find out what was going on. She's a child," Bill sternly stated to his wife, looking at her with a serious expression etched upon his face.
A scoff was heard coming from Carol's throat. She shook her head spitefully as she met her husband's stare with her own blue eyes. It was his fault they were in the current predicament they were in, she deemed. If he hadn't have had his holier-than-thou mid-life epiphany crisis of wanting to take in some poor, sorry excuse of a child, child, they wouldn't be standing in this damn hospital with an ungrateful teenager staring them down like they were the spawn of Satan.
"Regardless of that," the blonde woman chimed, teeth still tightly gritted together, "You could have easily called us, Lorna. You're lucky I have all your shoes laced with a chip. Otherwise Bill and I would still be sitting at home wondering where the hell our foster child is." She drew in a dramatic breath of air, tilting her head back and gazing up at the ceiling.
Sickened with his wife's behavior, Bill brought a hand up to his forehead and rubbed vigorously at one of his temples. He settled on ignoring her altogether and instead turned his attention onto the brunette sat-up in the bed ahead. A sympathetic frown formed on his face as he looked the young girl over in a methodic manner. Despite how his wife felt, he truly wanted to foster children and teenagers who needed it. He wanted to help, to give back. And Lorna, clearly, was in a place where she needed help. Figuratively and literally.
He slowly exhaled out a breath and folded his hands neatly together atop his lap. "Don't mind Carol," he stated, wagging a hand away from his wife. "Are you okay, Lorna? How come you're in the hospital?"
Don't mind Carol. Don't mind Carol. If Carol weren't sitting directly in front of her with that dark look on her face, Lorna would have broken into laughter right then and there. She didn't need to be told twice not to mind Carol. She wouldn't mind Carol regardless of if she was told to or not. Carol was nothing to her. Carol was a sad excuse for a mother—not even a quarter of the mother that Stansie was. No one could compare to Stansie but Carol couldn't compare to even a fraction of her. Not even a damn fucking fraction, Lorna thought with the shake of her head.
Lorna swallowed down her emotions the best she could and fixed her eyes away from fucking Carol, onto Bill. The harder she glanced at him the more she realized how different he was from the blonde woman beside him. She could see that he did actually care for her well-being, that he was genuinely concerned. Unlike Mrs. fucking Chapman. Who's stare was enough to patronize her without the words that always followed.
"I'm okay, Mr. Chapman. I, uh, I just I had a little incident the other day at an appointment and they just, erm, wanted to make sure I was fine."
"What kind of incident was it? And what kind of appointment?" Mr. Chapman gently questioned, eyebrows inquisitively arched above his eyes. It left an uneasy sensation over him knowing the teenager he and his wife were temporarily responsible for had appointments she was keeping hidden from them. Made him wonder if there was something seriously medically wrong with her that the social workers negated informing the two of them of.
The brunette sucked down on her bottom lip, unsure of how to respond to the questions being asked of her. She pulled the threaded blanket a little closer to her, mainly as a way to distract herself for a few extra seconds. A few extra seconds she hoped would somehow help her think of a way to answer but really only added to the confusion she was already experiencing.
Fingers brushed along the threaded fabric as she focused her eyes at the foot of the bed. "Uh, just uh, it was an appointment with a therapist. I got kinda dizzy when I was there and I guess she just wanted to make sure there wasn't anything wrong with me so that's why I'm here but I should be discharged soon," her voice grew faster with each word that came from her mouth. She refused to look at either adult, not comfortable seeing what either thought of her for sharing such a disclosure with them.
A therapist. Mrs. Chapman's eyes widened and sunk back to their original position right after. Head shook even more after hearing the reasoning for Lorna's being in the hospital. She wasn't even that shocked to hear Lorna was seeing a therapist. That girl had a lot of issues, she noted that the day the social worker dropped her off at their estate. Hearing it aloud was only confirmation of what she'd expected.
"You have a therapist and decided to keep this from my husband and I why? We're your foster parents and have the right to know these things, Lorna," Carol muttered, her voice becoming curter by the second. She shook her head harder. "You just prove more and more how much of a troubled teen you are, you know that? It's like you want us to send you back. Is that what you want? To go back to whatever broken home you came from?"
Loudly standing up from his chair, so loud and forcibly that it shook upon his release, Mr. Chapman turned and threw his hands exhaustively in the air right in front of his wife's face. "That's enough. That is just enough, Carol. If you don't want to be here and show compassion to Lorna then just leave. Okay? Just get up and leave, Carol. Your words and yelling aren't accomplishing anything here. Maybe the reason she kept this from us is because she didn't want to be looked at the way you're looking at her now. Or belittled like you've been doing to her since she came into our house," he shook his head as he spoke, motioning a hand in the air towards the door.
Getting up from her own chair—louder and rougher than her husband did his—Carol stomped her way nearer the door. However right as she reached her hand for the knob, she paused and shifted her head to look the two of them over with. "If you want to keep this problematic child then you better make the hell sure she's under control or else the next time something like this occurs I will make certain the social worker is called. And I will gladly tell her to come retrieve this delinquent. And make sure she tells any other foster parents how bad she is so they know what the hell they're getting themselves into taking a teen like her in," she muttered distastefully before finally pulling the knob of the door and exiting out of it much more dramatically than was truly needed.
With the door unnecessarily slammed shut, Mr. Chapman breathed in slowly and returned his attention back on the young teenager. He went back to sit in the chair, relieved that his wife was no longer there to spew out any more insensitive insults at the girl they were supposed to be providing a stable, caring, environment for. Something Carol ruined any time she opened her mouth to speak in Lorna's presence.
"I'm sorry about her," he started off, shamed of his own wife's behavior and actions.
They were supposed to be the adults here. The responsible guardians for Lorna and Carol's behavior depicted otherwise. Made her look like a child. An immature child who wasn't fit to foster even a cat or dog, he sadly came to realize. Maybe taking Lorna in wasn't the best idea. Hell, he thought, maybe fostering at all wasn't the best idea. They weren't cut out for fostering. At least Carol wasn't and he couldn't foster Lorna or any other child without Carol's cooperation. He couldn't allow any child to witness what behavior Carol had just displayed in front of their current foster child ever. It wasn't fair and it wasn't right.
Lorna shrugged her shoulders and retreated further into the pillows resting behind her. Carol's words weren't anything compared to the abuse she'd been dished out by her own father and uncle. She could handle being yelled at perfectly fine. If what Carol did could even be considered yelling, she thought. In comparison to Mr. Morello's yelling, what Carol did was merely a loud whisper. Hell, despite how much she didn't like Carol, Lorna would gladly choose spending three years putting up with her over three years back with her dad. Carol was a saint when being equated with Mr. Morello.
"It's fine. I've dealt with worse," she nonchalantly replied, shrugging her shoulders in concurrency.
A big breath of air expelled through her windpipe. Eyes peeked a glance at the clock and she was saddened to see only fifteen minutes had passed since the last time she looked at it. The more time she spent in the damn hospital the slower it went. Fifteen minutes felt more like a century. Hours felt like a millennium and days felt like a goddamn eternity or two. It was fucking agonizing how slow time passed in there. She just wanted to be discharged. To go back to her mundane life.
Mr. Chapman fidgeted uncomfortably in his seat upon hearing such a comment from the young girl's mouth. He stared straight ahead at the wall, focusing on the minute splotches of off-colored white paint. "Has the doctor come by yet this morning?" The question easily slipped out, hoping the abrupt subject change would ease away the discomfort settling over him.
"No, I don't think so."
Nodding his head, Bill moved his stare onto Lorna once more and sighed. "Okay, good, I'll stay until the doctor comes by then. See what's going on with you and if we need to be checking on you more than we have been."
Lorna squinted her eyes unnervingly after hearing his revelation. Fingers played with the cotton of the blanket sprawled out upon her but her eyes remained straight ahead, peering directly back at the man who was watching her. But watching her in a way that wasn't menacing or sensually like either her dad or Uncle George always had. She swallowed and thought back to when her mom had taken her to a hospital right after she'd found out about the sexual assault situation. Maybe her mom was right when she told her that not all men were like those two who'd hurt her. Who scarred her so bad she thought it was abnormal to feel anything other than pain and agony.
Because the longer her stare lingered on the gentleman across the room the more she realized he wasn't there to hurt or take advantage of her. And it felt strange, abnormally strange. Other people likely wouldn't even contemplate half the thoughts plaguing her mind in that moment but—of course—those same people also probably hadn't been violated by their own relatives. Or beaten by their own fathers' day in and day out like she had.
However, all of those thoughts weren't enough to stop her from honing in on the last sentence spoken to her by Mr. Chapman. Her self-hatred always had to have the last word—or in this case, the last thought. She couldn't feel warm and fuzzy for too long, she didn't deserve to feel that way anyway. She was a bad fucking seed, after all. And bad seeds deserved no warm, fuzzy, sensations. No, bad seeds deserved agony. Pain. Mutilation of every last part of their bodies.
By the time she pushed herself from her mind, she had no time to respond as the door to her room swung open and revealed the doctor entering through with a clipboard in one hand and stack of papers in the other. Lorna let her head fall back against the pillow and hoped to god those papers in her doctor's hands were papers stating she was finally being discharged.
The doctor made her way over to the side of Lorna's bed, gazing down at her with a friendly smile before twisting her head around to look over at the unfamiliar man sitting in one of the chairs adjacent to the bed. "Hi, who are you? Are you Lorna's guardian?" She shuffled the papers in her hands, eyebrows arched above her eyes as she kept her gaze unnervingly on him.
Having her doctor interrogate her foster parent suddenly brought a small warmth over her. No adult in her life, aside from her mother, had ever done such a thing before. It made her feel like she was cared for. Even if by a stranger. That her life wasn't just for other people's bemusements. She looked between the two adults, not having moved from her recent position change.
"I'm Bill Chapman, one of Lorna's foster parents. Is everything okay with her? How long will she need to stay here?"
Nodding her head, the doctor shifted her eyes onto the clipboard for a second and tried to keep her emotions from displaying out either on her face or through her voice. It certainly wasn't her place to be speaking on emotions. Even if she found it rather absurd that the foster parents of her patient hadn't come by at all until this morning. No, she told herself, she had no right getting in any of their business. No matter how badly it perturbed her to think about.
"Good to meet ya, Mr. Chapman," the doctor greeted, pursing her lips back into a friendly smile. A slightly tighter friendly smile. "I'm Lorna's doctor, doctor Gonzales. Well, she's been in here since Wednesday and today's Saturday. That's what—four days almost. Did ya not know she was in the hospital? I'm confused. You claim to be her foster parent but yet this is my first time meeting you and I've been looking after Lorna the entire time."
Lorna should have felt bad for the way her doctor was interrogating Mr. Chapman. She should have felt guilty and shameful but she didn't. The whole ordeal made her feel a sense of relief. Like for once she wasn't the only person who found it utterly unfair that her own foster family hadn't reached out to her in those three days she'd been trapped there. She curled up onto her side and watched the interaction between them. For once she felt important. Important enough that a complete stranger felt inclined to fight for her.
Mr. Chapman looked down at the ground where his shoes planted into below. Doctor Gonzales made a valid point, he noted. Lorna was his and Carol's responsibility and they failed her by not reaching out to her in the four days they hadn't heard or seen from her. She was a child, who was under their care. They were terrible people to not even call her. He shook his head at himself. There were no words he could say that would excuse the actions he and Carol took or rather, lack thereof.
"My wife and I were unaware of Lorna's whereabouts. My wife just assumed she was out at her friend's house and I blindly assumed that too. There had been a prior instance where Lorna spent an entire weekend at her friend's house without ever telling either of us so it kind of made sense to me. But by last night, after not hearing from her at all, I started to realize how dumb Carol and I had been for not doing anything sooner."
Sharing a momentary look at her patient, Doctor Gonzales swallowed and flipped the page on her clipboard without even glancing it over. It was a gesture more to distract herself than anything else. The words she heard spewing from the man's mouth were ones she had a challenging time believing. She did her best to ignore her flaring emotions but she grew close to Lorna in the time she'd been overseeing her care. There was a sense of protectiveness she felt towards her, especially after the other night with having found out about the situation with her actual father. The reason she was in the foster system to begin with.
She knew as a pediatric doctor in a town like this it was normal to see patients who were in the system like Lorna. And that her emotions needed to come second to her job but god dammit she was a human being. Emotions and being human didn't come with a damn manual. She drew in a deep breath and handed a consent form to Mr. Chapman. Despite the reluctance she had towards it. "Lorna will be discharged this afternoon but I still think it would be wise for her to come to my office for a check-up in a week. Her bloodwork is better but not where I would like it to be. I have an outpatient clinic a couple of miles from here and the address is listed on the top of that sheet I just handed you. I have an appointment date and time written on there as well," she spoke in a professional tone, trying to keep it matter-of-fact to cover up the whirling emotions.
Mr. Chapman used his thumb to push his glasses to the back of the bridge of his nose and squinted his eyes as they peered through the lenses down onto the paper he was holding out in front of them. "Eating disorder?" He muttered to himself, shifting his head up from the document so that he could stare back at the doctor with a puzzled mien upon his face. "What's this about an eating disorder? I thought Lorna was just here because of some dizziness she was experiencing?" He switched his gaze over onto the girl in the bed, waving a hand at her to get her attention, "Didn't you say you had a dizzy spell or something while you were at therapy the other day?"
Swallowing a thick ball of saliva that nestled at the bottom of her closed mouth, Lorna squeezed her eyes shut and tried to steady her breathing with her mind. This couldn't be real, she said to herself, this had to be some big, horrible, nightmare. It certainly didn't feel real. She swallowed a second time and noticed how dry her throat seemed. Another swallow, no improvement. She brought the cover further up to her body as if hiding herself would somehow make this entire situation all better.
As if things couldn't get more awkward, they did. Doctor Gonzales fixed her eyes on the clipboard so that neither her patient nor her patient's foster parent had the ability to see what expression was held upon her face at that particular moment. She couldn't wrap her mind around how clueless this Mr. Chapman appeared to be. Teeth grinded over teeth as she breathed in a few, long, breaths.
After a few seconds longer, she lifted her eyes up from the object held out in front of them and averted them back towards Mr. Chapman. Unsure what to make of the man. "How long have you and your wife been fostering Lorna for?"
Puzzlement etching on his face, Bill scrunched his nose slightly while returning the doctor's gaze. What the hell did that have to do with anything? The query popped through his mind. Shoulders, however, innately recoiled upwards in a shrug. "It's been maybe two weeks now. Why? I don't see how that's relevant to what I asked," he spoke in an even, calm, voice. Unclear of what this person was trying to get at.
"Okay, so you've had Lorna living in your house…under your roof…for two weeks?" The dark-haired doctor repeated in the form of a question, an eyebrow curved up as she retained her stare on Mr. Chapman.
She shouldn't be doing this, she thought, it wasn't her place to interrogate anyone. Yet, it utterly baffled her how this man and whoever the hell his wife was had a foster child for a mere two weeks and were somehow unaware she had an eating disorder. When it was clear just by a quick glance over the girl that something wasn't right. And not only that but the fact their foster child happened to be away from their house for four days and, yet, neither parent found it worth looking into until now?
Her head shook. Something about the whole thing seemed fishy. She sighed, watching as the man uneasily nodded his head. Her head mirrored his movement with a nod of her own. "Okay. Lorna's been staying with you and your wife for two weeks and neither one of you noticed how frail she appeared?"
"Look, I don't know what you're doing here but I don't think it's fair for you to talk to me like I'm some criminal. I know I should have done something before today to get in contact with her but that doesn't mean I wasn't worried or that I'm evil."
"I overstepped my boundaries, I'm sorry. But I'm also not sorry because my patient, here, has been through a lot and I just am looking out for her well-being," Doctor Gonzales responded, apologizing while at the same time not apologizing. A breath of air escaped through her windpipe as her ears absorbed what was said to them. "Just make sure to bring her by my office next week for the appointment listed on that paper I gave you, okay? And if she looks pale or faint any time before, bring her back here."
Before turning to head back out the door, she stopped and shifted her position so she could give one final sympathetic glance towards Lorna. A small smile was given, "Take care of yourself, will ya? I'll see you in a week and please keep up with your therapy—I spoke with Doctor Washington yesterday and she let me know you have your next appointment with her next Tuesday. That's good."
It was early afternoon when Lorna finally arrived back at the Chapman's house. Not exactly where she wanted to go but it was definitely better than being trapped in that god-forsaken hospital any longer. Directed to situate herself on the couch in the less formal living room, Lorna abided and placed her shoes on the shoe-rack before making her way over to sit down on the sofa. A throw blanket rested on the back of the vertical cushion behind where her spine was touching and so she carefully pulled it out, wrapping it around her legs and waist.
She leaned slightly onto the arm of the couch, legs curled up underneath her and stared ahead at the blank television screen. Her eyes drifted between open and shut the longer she lounged in her spot. They only remained open when they caught sight of Mr. Chapman approaching nearer to her with a cup of tea and small plate of food in his hands. Discomfort instantly settled into the pit of her stomach in the form of a tightly tied knot.
Setting the plate down on the end-table right near the sofa Lorna was seated on, Bill gestured his hand towards it while looking the young brunette wearily over. "That's a turkey and cheese sandwich with tomato, lettuce, and mayo on it," he carefully told her and then reached out to hand her the cup of tea he'd still been holding onto. "This is lemon ginger tea. I used to make this meal for Piper and Cal when they were younger and home sick from school. Figured it might do you some good, now. I hope that's okay, it's been a while since I've made any sandwiches for anyone. Now that those two are older, they don't like my cooking as much."
Gratefully taking the warm cup of delightfully smelling tea, Lorna gave a small nod of her head. She cradled her hand around the mug, letting its fumes rise up into the nostrils of her nose. The scent soothed her rather quickly. She lifted it to her mouth and took a long, drawn out, sip of the warm liquid. Which warmed her throat the entire trip down. After, she set it on one of the coasters on the end-table beside where she sat.
Eyes apprehensively stared between the plate of sandwich and up towards Mr. Chapman. The gesture was kind and appreciated but she couldn't even remember the last time she consumed an entire sandwich. And the one on the plate next to her tea appeared rather large than what she would consider a normal sized sandwich. "Erm, thank you. I'm not real hungry but it looks nice."
"That's okay, you can pick at it. You don't have to eat it all once if you don't want but you do need to eat some."
Lorna sighed, nodding her head slowly. Then her eyes grew a tad bit. "Would it be okay if I have my friend over? I forgot to tell her I'm outta the hospital and she was gonna drop by to see me."
Curving an eyebrow, Mr. Chapman stared her over but waved a hand and bobbed his head. "Your girlfriend, Nicky? Sure, as long as you let me know if you end up going to her house or anything."
Once he'd left the room a second time and Lorna was left alone with her thoughts, she reached for her phone in her pocket and scrolled through the contact list until she came to Nicky's number. A few rings sounded through her ear until the lined picked up and Nicky's voice huskily greeted her on the other side of the phone. "Hi, Nicky. I'm outta the hospital and back at the Chapman's house. Do ya wanna come over? I, uh, I could use the company. Mr. Chapman made me a sandwich and kinda expects me to eat it at some point," she asked, looking over her shoulder at the untouched plate.
"Of course, babe, of course I'll come over. Thank god you're finally outta that place. Now we don't have to worry about your dad tryna do anything. You must be so relieved, yeah?"
A thick swallow was had and an unnerved smile spread upon her face. He may have not been in the same vicinity as her anymore but that didn't mean she was entirely off his radar. However, she refrained from saying anything further on that and instead rested her head onto the arm of the sofa. "Yeah, hon, I'm real relieved. And very glad to not be attached to an IV anymore. My hand is still sore from how hard the nurse pulled it outta me."
Nicky frowned, stroking the edge of her phone. "Aw, poor doll. I'll be over in about fifteen minutes and I'll make your hand feel all better, baby."
Chapter Text
Chapter Eighty-One
Fifteen minutes came and went. Lorna still hadn't touched the sandwich by the time Nicky was walking through the front door of the Chapman's house. She sipped half of the tea down, however, and was calmed to see her girlfriend walking over to sit down beside her on the couch that she hadn't moved from since she'd gotten back from the hospital. The cushion sunk beside her and when she turned to acknowledge Nicky, a smile couldn't resist from forming upon her face. She immediately scooted closer, snaking her arms gently around the older girl's back to pull her nearer.
Wrapping her own arm around the smaller teen's waist, Nicky situated herself so that her entire body was resting on the sofa in a fashion where she was easily able to have Lorna leaning into her front. Fingers raked slowly and soothingly through the thick brown strands of Lorna's hair. A sigh of relief escaped from her. There weren't enough words to describe how grateful she was that Lorna was finally the hell out of that damned hospital. Away from that evil, demented, asshat of a father of hers.
Lips found their way onto the crown of her head, pressing tenderly down on it in a warm and affectionate kiss. "Can I see your hand, kid? The one ya said the nurse wasn't gentle with?" Her voice softly queried, eyes looking intently into those of her girlfriend's.
At least Lorna was now at a safe distance from Mr. Morello, she thought. Far enough away that he couldn't randomly pay her a visit in the middle of the night to try and convince her to give him a liver he certainly hadn't deserved. A liver he sure as fuck wasn't entitled to, especially after all the fucking shit he put Lorna through.
Lifting the hand with the tape and gauss still on it, Lorna waved it cautiously in front of the other's eyes. The pain wasn't merely as bad now, nearing three hours after having the needle so violently ripped from her skin, but a dull ache remained. "Right there. My dominant hand too," shoulders bounced up to the sides of her face. A frown found its way upon it and she tilted her head a slight amount. "I swear I thought the nurse was gonna pull my vein out with the damn needle. She pulled so damn hard, Nicky. I don't know what she was thinking but it still stings a little now."
An identical frown molded itself onto Nicky's face as she lovingly grabbed Lorna's outstretched hand with one of hers and cradled it tenderly in her own. She brushed her fingers delicately around the top of her hand, making sure not to press too harshly into its flesh. "What a bitch she sounds like, kid. I'm sorry," she huskily murmured, before fixing her eyes on Lorna's hand and moving her fingers closer to the bandage covering the middle of it.
Stopping halfway, she lifted her head and threw a soft stare up at the brunette. "Is it okay if I remove the cotton and examine it, baby?"
Lorna nodded, eyes watching Nicky very carefully. She brought her other hand up and let it rest onto the soft skin of one of her cheeks, lightly caressing it with the tips of her fingers. Even though they were stuck sitting in the living room of her foster family's house rather than the living room of her sister's place or her own family's house, it was still a million times better than being trapped in the hospital. Anywhere was better than the hospital, she thought, even school.
Having her girlfriend's consent, Nicky cautiously brought her fingers towards the taped down cotton. Barely touching it, she slowly lifted her eyes to stare back into Lorna's. She didn't do anything else until she received another nod of acknowledgement. Her fingers gently pulled on the corner of the tape until it came all the way off of Lorna's skin.
A small yelp was given which immediately made Nicky bring the hand she was examining into hers and up to her lips. Lips moved the few inches closer, pressing softly against the top of Lorna's hand near where the gauss had once been. After giving it a couple more soothing kisses, she brought it back away so that she could examine the skin she had only seconds ago removed the bandage from.
The flesh in the middle of her hand where once had been tape was noticeably discolored and bruised in comparison to the rest of the surrounding area. Nicky's frown grew at such an observation. Head shook distastefully as well. Whatever nurse happened to be the cause of such bruising was lucky she wasn't there when she was doing that. Very lucky, she bit down on her tongue. Eyes returned onto Lorna and she cupped her other hand softly around one of her pale cheeks. "The nurse who did this oughta be glad I wasn't with you or I'da had some choice words to say."
Chuckling light-heartedly, Lorna allowed her head to fall against one of Nicky's shoulders and turned it so that her nose nuzzled into the cotton of her shirt. "I thought that too when she was ripping the needle and my soul right outta me, hon. But I guess that's really nothin' compared what else I've had happen in my life, ya know? What's a harsh little pull compared to everything else?" She threw up her ends to emphasize her words.
However, the comment didn't go over quite as well for Nicky. Who only tightened her arms around the girl and shook her head even fiercer. What Lorna had been through wasn't anything to be joked about in her eyes. It still made her skin crawl and her blood boil to even think about it. How could Lorna sit and make light of it? A sigh escaped and she knew exactly the answer to her own question. That was just what Lorna did. She had to make light of the situations she'd experienced otherwise she'd succumb to her emotions which was clearly the last thing she would even allow herself to ponder over.
"No, doll, it's not nothing. Just because you unfairly had worse shit done to you doesn't negate the fact that what this nurse did to your precious hand wasn't okay," Nicky cried out, bringing Lorna's hand that still remained in hers up to her lips once more for another round of soothing kisses. She kissed it over and over, each knuckle and each visible vein she was able to see with her eye.
"I get what you're saying, hon, but there's no sense in dwelling on it. It's already done and over with it and I honestly feel bad for that nurse. She mighta been havin' a bad day, ya know? Anyway, at least I don't have to worry about that ever happening again—I'm outta there now and don't ever plan on going back. I hate hospitals, Nicky, I hate em' so much," Lorna muttered. A breath escaped after she'd finished speaking.
Hand softly released the one it held, after a final tender kiss, and Nicky snaked both of her arms securely and tightly around Lorna's waist. They pulled her as close as they could possibly have her. Once Lorna's head was nearly resting in the crook of her neck, Nicky let her chin press delicately onto the top of her hair-covered scalp. Leave it to Lorna to feel bad for yet another person who caused her pain, she thought with the shake of her head. Not head shake of anger but rather a head shake of disbelief. She couldn't even comprehend how someone could have as much human compassion as her sweet girlfriend constantly seemed to have.
If she could be even half the person Lorna was maybe she wouldn't feel the need to seek revenge on people. Clearly, Lorna didn't have the desire to seek revenge on anyone who'd hurt her. Nicky couldn't understand why not. If tables were turned and it was her who had been violated in such vile ways, she'd go after the culprits herself. A sigh pushed through. Maybe that was why Lorna might possibly be her soulmate if soulmates happened to be an actual thing. They balanced each other out in the most harmonic of ways.
Lorna subdued her incessant anger and she was there to somehow help Lorna realize she wasn't just an object for other people to use. Arms tightened further and she bent her head slightly in order to be able to peck a warm kiss over the same spot her chin had rested over. "Lorna, I will never understand the way ya think about things but I love you the way ya are, ya hear me? God, you're just a damn sweetheart and no matter how stubborn you are I can't fault ya for that. You have the purest intentions. I just wish one day you care more about yourself than those who hurt you."
The pair remained in their position for merely forty-five minutes when Mr. Chapman made his way back in the room through an archway from the kitchen. Immediately upon hearing his footsteps the two sat straighter against the back cushion of the sofa, not removing themselves from each other's arms but turned so they were both facing forward and able to peer across the room at the person who jolted them from their relaxing trance they'd been in the past several minutes.
He walked a bit closer, glancing at the end-table to see if the sandwich had been eaten but was proven wrong when it still remained on the plate. All of it. Not a single bite had been taken. He sighed and cleared his throat. Now the eating disorder thing he'd read earlier seemed to piece itself together. Maybe that was why Lorna always played with the food on her plate during supper. Some kind of eating disorder was likely behind it. But Bill had no knowledge on such a matter. No one in their family suffered with any food-related issues. They all ate well and exercised regularly. Well, Carol might have had a slight fetish over organic foods but that was about all he knew when it came to a term like eating disorders.
"How come the sandwich is still here? Well, all here? I know you said you aren't hungry but those discharge papers said something about an eating disorder? I'm not sure what that is but I really think it would be good if you ate some of the sandwich. It'll keep you from getting dizzy if you stay nourished, which means less time in a hospital," Mr. Chapman tried to entice her knowing she hadn't been enthusiastic about her time in the hospital. He knew he wasn't the best when it came to things like this but he had to try. He had to try twice as hard to make up for his wife's lack of care altogether.
Raising her head from the soothing spot it rested on her girlfriend's shoulder, Lorna huffed out a sharp breath and momentarily poked her eyes up at the ceiling. Her time with Nicky was interrupted for a damn piece of food? She grinded her teeth unnervingly together. Food was the last fucking thing she cared about. Why did the Chapmans have to all of a sudden show an interest in her by coming to the hospital earlier to begin with? Why did he have to actually want to be a decent foster parent towards her?
She grunted out another sigh and brought her hands up to rub violently at each of her cheeks. Eating wasn't what she wanted to do right now. All she wanted was to stay cuddled up to Nicky and pretend that no one else in the world existed. Pretend that for one day the only two people who were alive were her and Nicky. No one else.
"Can I take it upstairs with me? I think I wanna go rest in the guestroom Mrs. Chapman was nice enough to let me stay in."
Mr. Chapman inwardly cringed at the latter. Carol really needed to learn how to be more sensitive and compassionate, he realized more and more. He nodded his head, however, and waved his hand towards the end-table. "Yes, but you can't just take it up there and throw it away. I will check the garbage can later to see," he told her but then shifted his eyes onto the redhead beside Lorna. "Will you make sure she actually eats some of it and not just tosses it, please?"
Getting up as she'd seen Lorna do, Nicky stayed where she was and looked over at the middle-aged man with unreadable eyes. She gave a nod in response and grabbed the plate from the end-table on the side of the sofa—since Lorna had already turned the other direction towards the staircase. "I will take care of her and make sure she eats. I'm still tryna figure this whole situation out with her but Lorna will always be looked after when she's with me," Nicky firmly assured the man. The man who seemed to somewhat genuinely care for the well-being of her girlfriend.
After both teens entered inside of the guestroom Lorna was temporarily residing in, Lorna turned around to shut and lock the door before she went over and fell backwards onto the bed. Naturally, she stretched out against the mattress realizing how much more comfortable and roomier it was in comparison to the hospital bed she had been bound to for the past several days. The longer she lingered on the mattress the heavier her eyes grew. The closer to sleep she became. She hadn't noticed how truly exhausted she was until she plopped onto that bed.
Nicky copied Lorna—once she'd set the plate down on one of the nightstands—and plopped down on the mattress right beside her. She scooted closer until their sides were pressing into one another. Her hand reached for Lorna's and once she got a hold of it, she squeezed it warmly in her own and she brought it up to place on her chest. As it rested on there, she gingerly stroked her fingers all around the top of Lorna's hand. Up and down, side to side, backwards and forwards. A peaceful sigh huffed its way through her larynx.
"So, you wanna talk about when the Chapmans decided it was time to actually care enough to find you?" Was the question Nicky settled on breaking the silence with minutes passed the time they'd situated themselves in their current positions.
A yawn randomly decided on interjecting before Lorna had the chance to respond to her girlfriend's inquiry. Eyes looked up at the ceiling for a moment, counting each twinkling crystal that made-up the fancy chandelier hanging from the middle of it. The gesture only made her yearn to be back with her actual family that much stronger.
She turned on her side and rested her cheek on the palm of her hand as she gazed across at Nicky. Beautiful, angelic Nicky who looked like such an angel lying there right next to her. Lips quickly curved into a smile the longer she allowed her eyes to linger. She raised her free hand up, placing it on one of Nicky's cheeks and stroking it with the tips of her fingers. "You look like a real angel right now, ya know hon? You're just…you're so naturally beautiful and you look real angel-like. I just wanted you to know that," her breath trickled softly out onto the ear her lips were resting near.
Mirroring her, Nicky shifted onto her side as well so that the pair were now facing each other and reached her arms out to lovingly encircle completely around Lorna's body. Casually bringing them even closer until both of their fronts softly pressed into one another. Melding together as if they were one entity. Nicky closed her eyes and drew in a tranquil breath. She reopened them seconds later, leaning her head in to effortlessly press her lips affectionately onto the flesh of Lorna's forehead.
"In your eyes I may somehow look like an angel but you, my Lorna, you are as sweet as an angel. Fuck, you're sweeter than an angel. But I know you're also trying to avoid answering my question, huh? Sneaky little thing you are, kid. But I won't let it slide. How did ya finally end up coming back here with the Chapmans?" Nicky curved an eyebrow while nuzzling her nose delicately against the tip of Lorna's. Hands caressed feathery against the sides of her face.
A large breath noisily escaped from the younger girl's lungs upon hearing what was spoken to her. It hadn't shocked her one bit to hear Nicky call her out like she had. That was only one of Nicky's many innate abilities. She couldn't be mad at her for that. At times it was frustrating and exhausting, especially when she wasn't wanting to talk but that wasn't Nicky's fault. Wasn't Nicky's intent to upset her or anything of the sort. Nicky only ever did things out of love and compassion for her she knew.
It was endearing the way Nicky always brought attention back to the things anyone else would easily ignore. It showed how deeply Nicky cared for her, how deeply she loved Lorna. Lorna snuffled a breath and inched even closer until her forehead pressed up onto the flesh of Nicky's. A loose strand of hair caught her eye and she used her thumb to lovingly push it away with. "You know me too well, hon," she said with a warm laugh. Breath falling softly onto Nicky's face from how close they were. She brushed her lips compassionately onto the tip of her nose.
"They just magically showed up in my room this morning when I woke up. I don't know, really. Mrs. Chapman told me it was the chip that led them to me. Can ya believe that, Nicky? She chipped me even more." Another laugh made its way out at the thought of Carol coming up to her room—rather a room given to her—and placing these teeny tiny little chips in her shoes or pockets of her clothing. That insane sort of activity made Lorna look like the sanest of sane people. Which continued to escalate her laughing. Maybe she wasn't the only crazy one under this roof, she thought, people who weren't crazy didn't chip other people.
Eyes momentarily widened, then blinked rapidly for another moment or two before retreating into their normal position on Nicky's face. Eyebrows scrunched as she took in what Lorna had shared with her. The more she played it and replayed it in her mind the more she found her lips curving up into a smirk. And soon she, too, was riddled with a fit of laughter. What the hell kind of weird family did the state put her girlfriend with? The laughing intensified upon such question running through her mind.
It took several minutes for the laughing to die down. Nicky was still trying to catch her breath when she turned back on her side and took Lorna's face into her hands. Brushing the tips of her fingers delicately up and down the length of each cheek. Though her laughter had faded, a playful smirk took its place upon Nicky's face. "Mrs. Chapman sounds like a stalker, kid. What's with her and these chips, huh? I mean is she dumb? She coulda just picked up a phone and called instead of acting like a creep with whatever these chips are she's using," she drew a small heart around one of Lorna's cheeks and with the other hand, she threw it in the air as she spoke.
Lorna shrugged her shoulders while inching even closer to the older girl. They were already so close that their fronts seemed to meld together but even that hadn't felt close enough for Lorna. She wanted to be closer, wanted their bodies to look like one from the closeness she craved. Her body continued inching nearer and nearer. Hands lifted up, taking Nicky's cheeks in them which mirrored what Nicky was doing with her own. She smiled and let her lips slowly come into contact with those of the redhead's.
They stayed connected for a long silent while before Lorna slowly pulled her lips from Nicky's. She still hovered over her, looking down at her with the utmost affection oozing from her brown eyes. A smile formed once again and she brushed the palm of her hand gently around where her lips had once touched. "I don't know, hon. I think she wants me outta here and frankly, I want the same thing. I don't wanna be here with these people. They're not my real family. They don't really care about me like my sista and brotha."
"Well, we know at least Mrs. Chapman doesn't. But she's a wacko anyway, so, I don't think you're missing out on anything there, kid," Nicky assured her with a light-hearted snicker. One that was followed by a snicker from her girlfriend. The sound warmed her heart and curved her lips into the biggest of smiles. Damn was she turning soft. Unbelievably, indescribably, soft.
Yet, she was no longer bothered by that fact. Being in love with Lorna was one of the best things ever. Just, in general, being with Lorna was the absolute best thing she could have not ever even imagined for herself. Every day it was like a dream to her. A dream she didn't ponder over but only recently. Hell, before she met Lorna, the only dream Nicky had was to become an adult so she could move the hell away from Marka. But now she was dreaming of a possible future with her girlfriend. Dreaming of ways she could make Lorna's life better. Ways she could make her feel more loved, more important, more worthy.
"Mr. Chapman seems a little nicer though. He made you a sandwich and seems to be somewhat wanting to help. That's good, right kid? I mean I know this isn't the ideal situation but until your sister is able to get guardianship, this will have to do."
A sigh came out. Lorna released her grasp from the redhead's face and moved herself around in order for her head to naturally find itself nestling into the crook of Nicky's neck. Her head turned so that she was still able to gaze up into Nicky's eyes while she stroked her lips delicately onto the flesh of the neck resting beneath her. "Yeah, he's okay. Better than my own fatha, that's for sure. And real better than uncle George," she softly admitted, shaking her head and scoffing out a breath at the mention of her uncle.
She placed her hand on Nicky's chest where it met with the nape of her neck, letting the tips of her fingers gingerly caress around it in a gradual circular motion. "My mom once told me that not all men are as gross as those two are. She didn't want me to be afraid. And I didn't really believe her. I still don't know if I believe her words, Nicky, but I mean Mr. Chapman is nice. He's not as fake as his wife, I'll give him that. He even threw Carol outta the hospital room this morning—"
"Woah, really now? Do tell, kid, do tell." Nicky warmly chuckled, grabbing Lorna's face and pecking a tender kiss on her lips before laying her head gently onto her chest and running her hands through her thick brown waves.
Closing her eyes with a peaceful breath of air, Lorna nuzzled against the chest underneath her face and laughed as well. "Yeah, Carol was going on about how they shouldn't have taken such a troubled teen like me in and Bill was gettin' real sicka it so he just told her to get the hell out," she waved a hand out in front of her.
Scrunching her face up at the revelation, Nicky secured her arms even stronger around Lorna's body and nuzzled her face into the dark waves spilling onto her chest. A troubled teen? The words repeated through her mind. Bitterly repeated. Who the hell did this Carol Chapman think she was talking about? Lorna was far from a troubled teen. Far the hell from it, Nicky gritted her teeth. Anger seized within her.
"Mrs. Chapman thinks you, Lorna, are a troubled teen? Seriously?"
"More like a problem child. She may have mentioned that to me on a couple a occasions. But I mean, it shouldn't be too much longer that I'm stuck here…I hope. It's been over two weeks, Franny has to hear from the—well, whoever the hell she sent those guardianship papers to," Lorna cried out, tracing her fingers around the flesh of Nicky's chest in the shape of a heart. She faintly smiled as she did so. Nicky was her heart. Her whole heart. It didn't matter to her what strangers thought of her—the person who's opinions on her mattered most was Nicky's. Because Nicky meant the world to her and if Nicky thought poorly of her, then anyone else's thoughts were meaningless.
Nicky couldn't resist from rolling her eyes. That fucking Mrs. Chapman had some nerve, she thought, some damn nerve to speak to Lorna in such a dehumanizing manner. Her top lip sucked over the bottom one as she tried to contain her frustration. She thought she had worked past the anger and frustration with the weed last night but clearly she hadn't. It was still there and even more so now that she heard how much of a bitch Mrs. Chapman was towards Lorna.
But as she very slightly tilted her head to have a better view of Lorna, taking note of the sweet little smile displayed on her cherub face, Nicky was able to allow some of the anger to dissipate. She placed a hand on the crown of Lorna's head and massaged her fingertips softly into its scalp. "You're the least problematic person there is, doll. Mrs. Chapman clearly has no idea what she's saying. Don't take anything she tells you to heart, ya got that? You are a sweet, beautiful, precious girl. I'll fight anyone who says otherwise. Believe me, doll, I will," Nicky stated matter-of-factly into the brunette's ear.
The smile on her face widened a small amount as a chuckle came out. Lorna nodded her head knowingly. She didn't doubt how much Nicky meant that statement. "Oh don't worry, hon, I believe you one million percent. You would totally fight Mrs. Chapman and honestly, I'd pay to see it. Have ya ever thought about taking up karate or somethin'?"
"Karate, huh? Not really, why ya askin'?" Nicky curved an inquisitive eyebrow while stroking her fingers from one side of her head to the other. A snicker expelled despite the puzzlement etched on her face as she gazed down at Lorna.
Leaning her head back, Lorna happily returned the older girl's stare and raised one hand up to place on the side of her face. Nicky's snicker encouraged her to let one of her own out, too. Fingers stroked their way up towards her forehead. They stopped when they got to the middle of it and lovingly pushed loose strands of hair away from her eyes. "I don't know I just… I mean karate is a good way to get out excess anger, I think. Thought maybe ya might be interested in something like that? Sorry, it's probably real stupid a me to mention," she muttered, eyes looking shamefully away once she'd realized what presumptions she was unintentionally making by saying what she said.
The way Lorna averted her eyes in what appeared to be shame hidden within them instantly had Nicky's other hand cradling underneath her chin and using it to lift her head back towards her own. Once their eyes were peering into one another's again, she brushed her thumb slowly and delicately over the flesh right beneath her lips. "You know I don't think anything ya ever say is stupid, kid. In fact, I think you're right. Karate would be a good tool I could use for my anger. I mean it is better than killing your uncle right? At least karate wouldn't get me in trouble with the law, yeah?"
Both girls shared a laugh and Lorna couldn't resist from pecking her lips softly onto the tip of the older teen's nose. "I don't want ya to do anything that could get ya in trouble, hon," her voice softly murmured, lips still lightly touching her nose as she spoke. Another kiss was pressed down onto it. "Because I love you too much to see you get carted off to jail or anything. You're too good for that," breath trickled warmly out and onto the flesh of Nicky's nose underneath her mouth.
"I know you're really mad about what happened to me and, and it-it's understandable but…but it's not worth it to go after my uncle or my fatha. You're more important to me than whether or not those two get what they deserve. I rather have you here with me, Nicky, than have either a them dead. I love you. I love you more than anyone, hon, and I don't want ya continuing to let that incident to bother you. It's…it's a lot. And I don't want you thinking ya have to take any of it on yourself. You don't, hon, and I don't want ya to."
"I'll think about taking up karate, kid. Maybe we could do that together, yeah?" Nicky suggested, gently poking a finger at Lorna's cheeks. A sigh escaped her. "It is a lot. That's why I'm glad I know so I can help ya through it, sweetheart."
Chapter Text
Chapter Eighty-Two
An hour or maybe two had passed. Lorna couldn't tell as she opened her eyes and squinted from the bright overhead light that she must have forgotten to shut off before the pair of them unexpectedly fell asleep. She rolled over and smiled at how peaceful Nicky looked sound asleep beside her. Not a more perfect angelic figure than the sleeping form of her girlfriend, she acknowledged. She couldn't resist from reaching a hand in front of her to place ever-so-gently onto the soft flesh of Nicky's cheek. Fingers pressed into it in an almost feather-like fashion and stroked slowly up and down the surrounding region.
She continued the motion for what seemed to be hours but turned out to only be minutes when her eyes got a glimpse of the time displayed on the wall clock a few feet from the headboard of the bed. The sound of blankets and sheets rustling brought her focus back towards Nicky and the smile on her face grew when she took notice of Nicky's eyes opening up, staring groggily up at her. Lorna leaned her face down closer to Nicky's until her lips were merely touching over Nicky's and then pressed them together in a short, yet, vastly passionate kiss.
"Mm, well, that's a lovely way to wake up," Nicky huskily muttered once their lips parted and the taste of Lorna's lingered behind. She raised her hands up to her eyes, rubbing the sleep from them as best she could. Her head tilted back a bit so her eyes got a better view of the entire room, naturally mesmerized by the daylight emanating from the window directly across from where they were resting. Daylight meant it was still early in the day, she concluded. A yawn escaped her and she fixed her stare down onto Lorna once more.
The utterance ignited a warm giggle from Lorna as she cupped her hands around both sides of Nicky's face. Fingertips delicately stroking along the length of each one. It finally felt like it was only the two of them who existed. For right at that moment, only she and Nicky existed—mattered. Everything else faded into the abyss. Even her mind was calm for once. She could truly just focus on one singular second, minute. One person who meant the damn universe to her, not just the world. Nicky was more than the world. She was the universe to Lorna. The beautiful, angelic, stunning universe.
A snuffle sounded through her nose. Yet, her stare and smile had not faltered even the slightest. She faded the gap between them by leaning forward until their foreheads were pressed up together, their noses nuzzled into one. They fit so perfectly—poetically—together, she deemed. It was as if they were made for each other. And hell, maybe they were made for one another. Lorna did believe in soulmates, after all, and if any person was hers it was certainly Nicky. Nicky was the perfect of perfect matches for her.
"I didn't even realize we fell asleep until I saw what time it is. But I feel real rested now, don't you hon?" Lorna hummed while caressing her hand up and down the length of Nicky's cheek. There was no other place she'd rather be than right there snuggled up to the woman she knew her heart belonged to.
After allowing herself a second yawn, Nicky stretched out her arms before wrapping them lovingly around the smaller girl's body and pulling her closer. Chin nuzzled softly on the top of her head, a smile forming as she looked out into the abyss. There was not anywhere else that Nicky could imagine herself being than right where she was now, snuggled up with the person she adored most. The person who made her heart flutter every time she looked at her, every time their lips touched and their bodies pressed into one another's. Where she was now was exactly where she wanted to be for the rest of her life. Maybe not in the house of the Chapman's, she clarified, but wherever Lorna was that was where she wanted to be. For as long as the pair of them lived.
Lorna's hands were so soft, so gentle and warm on the flesh of her cheeks. Nicky couldn't resist from feeling such a wave of calm, of ease and comfort. Lorna always had a way of making her feel at peace with the world. Even when all she wanted was to kill a certain two people. But Lorna's presence, her warm body pressed up into Nicky's—it was the most soothing of soothing sensations out there. It was heaven but on Earth. Fuck. She was getting soft. Very soft. A soft, mush of a person. Not like she was this time last year or days before she and Lorna met the first time.
"I do, kid. I feel very rested," Nicky finally replied, a smile upon her face as she leaned back a bit to press a delicate kiss atop the other's head. Fingers gingerly raked through thick brown strands of wavy hair spilling out from Lorna's scalp.
She could have stayed like that for the rest of existence but her eyes noticed the plate sat on the nightstand and remembered she was supposed to make sure Lorna ate what was on it. Which, clearly, she had failed to do. So, with one final kiss to Lorna's head and a loving squeeze, Nicky carefully released her hold and maneuvered herself off the bed.
As Nicky stood up next to the nightstand, a frown melded onto Lorna's face to realize the moment had faded. The moment of pure bliss and no unwanted thoughts. Now all of that was only a figment of her imagination. Poof. Gone forever. Or gone for a while, anyway. A sigh escaped her and she forced herself into a sitting position with her body twisted around so that her eyes could follow what the older girl was doing.
When she realized what Nicky had her eyes on, a knot balled up in the pit of her stomach. Of course, she thought, of course Nicky wouldn't just forget about the damn sandwich. Nicky wouldn't let anything slide when it came to her. And, though, on one hand she found that incredibly sweet and endearing, on the other she found it deeply frustrating and anxiety inducing. She longed to go back to the week before or the week before the week before. A time before Nicky and Franny were as aware of her possible starvation ritual as they appeared to be now.
She edged her way from the middle of the bed to the tip, swinging her feet down and planting them onto the hardwood to push herself up with. A few steps were taken until she was hovering directly behind Nicky, close enough she effortlessly snaked her arms securely around her waist and rested her chin lovingly on her shoulder. Lips curved into a small smile as she tilted her head just a sufficient amount to peck Nicky's cheeks with those very same lips.
"Uh-uh, I know what you're tryna do," Nicky told her with a playful finger wag. However, she inched their faces closer and gave a quick peck to her lips. Releasing it only seconds later, she remained holding her hands around each of Lorna's cheeks while lovingly stroking a couple of brown hair strands out from her eyes. "We can spend more time cuddling after you eat some of this sandwich, kid. I didn't forget about it, don't ya worry."
A sigh expelled and Lorna relinquished her grasp on the taller teen. "I'm not hungry right now, hon," she muttered no louder than a mere whisper. The smile had rapidly faded into a displeased frown. She'd give anything to go back to two weeks ago. When she wasn't in the foster system, wasn't being watched by people so closely like her girlfriend and sister, and wasn't reliving the memories of her uncle's nightly touches incessantly. It was all too much at once. She needed air but there just wasn't enough of it.
The room was too small to contain sufficient air flow it appeared. No matter how many times she inhaled, there was too little. Too damn little. And Nicky's frigidness about her needing to eat the food only escalated the air issue Lorna was having. Every time she glanced at the plate, another breath refused to make it through her. The knot in her stomach gradually doubled in size. Making the reality of the situation that much more of a challenge for her. There was no way she could eat anything when her stomach felt so stiff, so heavy.
Folding her arms over her chest, Nicky stared sternly at the brunette. Her own frown forming as she did so. "What have ya had to eat today, doll?" The question came out through slightly gritted teeth. Foot tapped frustratedly against the floorboard underneath it. Just when she thought there was progress being made, it was quickly proven wrong.
"Why does that matter? I'm not hungry, I can't eat if I'm not hungry," Lorna tried protest responding to her girlfriend's query. She mirrored Nicky's stance, crossing her arms over her own chest and scowling at the plate sat upon the nightstand. As if the plate was of a demonic spirit or some shit even when she knew how ludicrous such an accusation was.
"Answer the question. Did ya eat anything today?"
"Not until ya tell me why it matters. I told you I'm not hungry, Nicky. What does if I ate anything else have to do with anything?"
Nicky bit down on her tongue and gave a heated glance towards Lorna. "It's a simple question, kid. Yes or no did you eat today? Coffee and water do not count as eating, so, don't try to use those as a yes."
Copying her stance, Lorna did the equivalent and sucked in her bottom lip. Aggravation plagued her with the harping Nicky continued to do by asking the same question over and over. The more Nicky prodded the more Lorna wanted to withdraw, to escape. But she knew that wouldn't get them anywhere other than in a messy, fucked-up, circle. A messy, fucked-up, circle that would lead to absolutely fucking nowhere. Kind of like Lorna's life, she thought with a chuckle. An empty chuckle.
"What if I don't really remember if I ate or not? Does that count? Is that an option for an answer?"
Instead of responding back with anger, Nicky could only huff out a sigh. A sad, disheartening sigh that left her feeling exactly the way it sounded coming out of her. She reached her hands in front of her and placed them both firmly onto each of Lorna's shoulders. Eyes peering even harder into the other's brown ones. "Your mood tells me the likeliness that you've eaten anything today is pretty slim. You may say you're not hungry but, babe, you're starving and need to eat. Do ya wanna end up back in the hospital? The doctor and therapist both said you are malnourished because you're starving yourself. I know that's hard for you to comprehend but you have to admit it. You have to, doll, or you'll never really heal."
Lorna swallowed thickly and shook her head. Widened her eyes as she gazed right back into Nicky's. The knot in her stomach only intensified the longer she stood there staring. "Admit what, hon? There's nothing to admit. I don't understand what ya want from me. Why all of a sudden are you getting on my case about food? I just—I just wanted to lay there and cuddle with you but now, now I'm confused and upset. And it's not your fault but I just I don't know what to say—"
"Baby, you have to start admitting that you have a problem. I'm sorry, I know you wanted to cuddle and we will again but not until ya eat some food. Just a little bit, okay? You don't have to eat the whole thing, sweetheart, just some of it. And maybe you can save what you don't want for later, yeah?"
Taking a moment of silence to absorb how the words she heard coming from her girlfriend's voice made her feel, Lorna stood frozen in place. Eyes peered straight ahead at nothing in particular. They barely noticed the red hair they were directed in back of or the color of the shirt that said hair was cascading upon. It was as if she'd been put in some sort of hypnotic trance. Time suddenly dissipated around her. All she was able to do was listen to the thumping of her own heart-beat, which pounded heavily inside her chest.
The only noise her ears absorbed as she remained frozen was that of the clock ticking on the wall. She felt her mouth merely drowning in her own saliva and finally swallowed to relieve such sensation. The fear of putting any bit of that sandwich into her mouth, into her body, made her wonder how the hell she was going to be able to keep to her word. She had to convince Nicky and everyone else that she was fine, that she could eat, to avoid anymore time in the hospital but she could barely manage even only the thought of that damn sandwich now.
However, the longer she stood there in her mental trance the more she realized how utterly challenging that was going to be. A lump tightened in the back of her throat, she desired to disappear from the room. To poof away as fast possible. Yet, she knew the likelihood of that happening was slimmer than slim. She wasn't a magic being, she couldn't just snap her fingers and find herself in another room.
Nicky turned around when the silence became unbearable and placed a hand on either side of Lorna's cheeks. Cradling them softly within her two gentle hands. Their eyes were on the same level but Lorna's looked off into the distance. Nicky swallowed uneasily and moved her hand up and down one of the cheeks it rested against. She tilted her head as she looked Lorna intently over, searching her face as thoroughly as possible. "Are you here with me, kid? Can ya hear what I'm sayin?"
The questions were picked up on by the brunette's ears and though her eyes still hadn't focused on Nicky's face, she gave a slow nod of her head. The lump in her throat hadn't faded any despite how many times Lorna swallowed. She tried to fix her pupils back in their normal position but they refused to cooperate. A sigh forced its way from her airway and she let her head rest slightly to the side.
With a lack of verbal response, Nicky's lips contorted into a frown as she held her gaze on Lorna. She noticed a loose strand of hair fallen atop her forehead and quickly brought a hand up to gently stroke it away with. "What's going on in your head, huh? You've been pretty quiet for a few minutes now. Are you okay, doll? Is there anything I can do for ya?"
Lorna's mouth opened the same time her eyes peered back at Nicky's. It stayed open for a few seconds before closing again. Eyes momentarily darted back onto the untouched sandwich on the nightstand, apprehension building rapidly. She felt her chest constrict and forced her stare onto Nicky once more. "I, uh, I just I was thinking—"
"Thinking about what, babe? Do ya wanna try having some of the sandwich?"
Shoulders bounced up and touched the edge of each of Lorna's jaws. Eyes closed and opened. "I was thinkin' maybe you could split the sandwich with me? I, uh, I don't like to eat alone. Would ya, would ya mind hon?"
Nicky removed her hands from Lorna's cheeks and instead drew Lorna into her arms, letting her front press gently up against Lorna's. She took Lorna's head with one hand, bringing it to rest underneath her chin on her chest. Her head tilted back enough so that her lips were able to press a warm kiss atop Lorna's brown waves. "Of course, kid, of course. Whatever makes ya feel the most comfortable I'll do for you. Ya wanna stay in here or have it down in the kitchen at the table?"
"Here is fine, hon. I don't wanna risk seeing Mrs. Chapman. That would really make me not wanna eat at all," Lorna truthfully admitted, allowing her body to relax against the older girl's. She felt a soft breath escape quietly through her windpipe.
Nodding profusely, Nicky squeezed her tight and pressed a second kiss onto her head. "We'll stay in here then. I don't want you to be uncomfortable, not when ya gotta eat. I mean I don't want ya to ever be uncomfortable but especially not when it comes to food and eating. I know that's already so hard for you, baby."
All Lorna could do in that moment was give a small, sad, smile to her. She knew Nicky meant well and only spoke to her out of compassion and love for her. But nothing would ever make eating less of a challenge. Especially a sandwich. A fucking sandwich. Something she hadn't consumed in well-over four years. A fucking sandwich, her mind repeated. What a normal, basic, average food that normal people probably ate every day and yet, here she sat having a mini panic over the idea of even looking at it. She hadn't even touched the plate it was placed on, hadn't even touched the sandwich itself and she was already frozen in fear twice now.
How the fuck was she going to get through this each day just to prevent further worries for everyone else? She could barely handle thinking about it yet alone eating the damn thing. This proved to be a lot harder than she had originally thought. Lorna swallowed down the running mind-boggle and released herself from Nicky's arms only to be able to situate herself on the edge of the bed.
Legs dangled from the mattress as she felt the spot next to her sink from Nicky's body pressing into it. Lorna shifted her head and took a hard look over the redhead. Air pushed from her lungs. "I can't remember the last time I had a sandwich, Nicky."
Upon hearing such a revelation, Nicky felt her heart tighten tremendously in her chest. There were no words to be spoken just then. Instead, her arms wrapped securely around Lorna's waist and tenderly pulled her closer until she felt Lorna's head naturally press into the crook of her neck. An airy breath escaped through her throat as she combed her fingers lovingly along the thick brown strands of hair. "That's really sad, babe. How, uh, how come it's been such a long time?" The words shook a small amount as they slipped from her mouth.
"Erm, I'm not sure. I just, uh, I've never really cared for them is all," the younger teen muttered, shrugging her shoulders along with what she spoke. Eyes focused on the loose curls of red hair sitting on the flesh of the same neck her face was touching. She used the fingers from one of her hands to lovingly stroke them back towards Nicky's shoulders.
The tightness in her chest increased. Nicky swallowed down a bitter taste that had suddenly appeared inside her mouth while also securing her arms around Lorna's waist. Lips brushed lovingly onto the top of her head as her hand cradled around the crown of it to keep it resting in between her neck and chest. "Hmm, well, it'll be okay. I know it's not easy for ya but it'll be good for ya to try a bit of it. Are ya ready to have some of it, doll?"
Lorna shook her head. She'd never be ready to do anything related to food. The thoughts alone were exhausting her but to have to put in the effort and energy of actually picking up the sandwich? That made the hair on her arms stand up as if she'd been zapped by lightening. Her mind equated eating to that of being molested by her uncle. An evil act portraying her out to be a dirty, fucked-up, individual. She swallowed hard and sucked in her lower lip.
Why couldn't she just be normal? Why did her mind have to be so fucking screwed up? Why did she have to be so fucking screwed up?
Nicky's breath caught in her throat when she noticed the tears running along her girlfriend's pale cheeks. Her head moved back a few inches and she pressed a warm kiss onto the flesh of one of Lorna's cheeks. "Why are ya crying, baby? What's the matter? Tell me what's going on in that precious head a yours, yeah?" She pressed her body a little more into the brunette's hoping the slight pressure would soothe her and encourage her to open up a little bit.
Having it pointed out to her that she'd been crying instantly had Lorna trying her hardest to suck back in the tears she hadn't even sensed coming down along her cheeks until that exact moment. She brought her arm up and used her sleeve to wipe at whatever droplets remained on the flesh of her face. Who the fuck cried over a fucking sandwich? She shook her head at herself. Why couldn't she be the normal, bubbly, Lorna she used to be? A breath exhaled. She despised who she'd become. She hardly fucking recognized the new her. The new shitty her. Definitely not an improved version of Lorna that much was for sure.
With a few quieting sniffles, Lorna lifted her head so that she could peer back at Nicky. Lips curved into a faint smile and then quickly dissipated into a frown. "I just, erm, I wish I wasn't so nervous over a sandwich is all. But I'm okay now. I guess we should just get it over with, right? You're not gonna let me forget it about, are ya?" She questioned, slightly batting her lashes at Nicky as if to convince her to give in. Though she still felt intensely resistive, she had the urge to lighten the mood somehow. Maybe joking about it would make it less difficult.
Brushing a tender kiss onto the top of her head, Nicky shook her head in response. She readjusted herself in a way where she was facing Lorna and grabbed each of her hands in her own. Their eyes both looked directly into one another from the position they now both happened to be in. Albeit Lorna's attempt of wiping her tears away, stains of them were left behind and softly observed by Nicky's eyes. Nicky, influenced by the disheartening observation, leaned her face closer and placed her lips onto the visible remnants, pressing them down in soft kisses.
"I'm sure not gonna let ya forget about eatin', kid. The sooner we do it the sooner we can get back to cuddling, yeah? That sound good to ya?" Queries warmly murmured from Nicky's mouth which still gently rested over one of Lorna's cheeks, breath trickling against the skin underneath.
Lorna swallowed uneasily but nodded her head in compliance with what was told. The longer she put off eating the sandwich the longer she'd have to wait to snuggle back against her girlfriend and that wasn't something she wanted to put off. Cuddling her Nicky. She shut her eyes and huffed out a reluctant breath. It was best just to comply and consume the food. That was the only way to satisfy her girlfriend's worry and satisfy her yearning to lay back on that mattress with Nicky right next to her.
Was it ideal for her to give in and take part in something she had absolutely no desire to do? Not at all but the aftermath of it was what it made it somewhat worth it. Or entirely worth it. She released her hands from Nicky's, took in a sharp breath, and got up from the bed to grab the plate from the nightstand. When she returned to the bed and resituated herself on the spot she had previously sat upon, she set the plate onto her lap and peered down at it with a heaping amount of apprehension oozing from her eyes.
It hadn't been hard for Nicky to sense the uneasiness looming over her girlfriend. Upon the sinking of the mattress next to where she was sitting Nicky naturally slid a comforting arm around Lorna's waist. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do to make all of this less dreary for her if she could help it. Fingers gently stroked up and down the spine she was holding her arm securely around.
The sandwich still appeared as it had when Mr. Chapman first brought it out to her all those hours earlier. Even as she pressed a finger into the bread, the give it gave back assured her it hadn't gone stale. Eyebrows scrunched up on her face at the revelation. She turned her head and gave a stare up at Nicky. "Touch the bread, hon. It's still soft and it's been sitting on the nightstand for at least an hour," Lorna gently commanded, gesturing a free hand up in the air.
Nicky tilted her head with an unsure expression on her face but did as she was directed and placed a finger atop the bread. She gently pressed it into the floury texture and realized Lorna's observation was accurate. The bread remained soft despite its long exposure to the room-temperature air around them. She couldn't help but to let out a chuckle. Eyes shifted back onto Lorna. "Indeed it still feels fresh. That's a solid bread right there, yeah?"
Nodding Lorna traced her finger along the edge of the sandwich and copied Nicky's chuckle with one of her own. "I'm not surprised. The Chapmans can afford long-lasting bread. It's probably some kinda organic whole-grain seeded vegetable bread that Mrs. Chapman found at some uppity organic food store, what do ya think hon?"
Another warm snicker made its way from Nicky's throat. She bobbed her head up and down while turning it enough so she could easily allow her lips to stroke over the flesh of one of Lorna's temples. "I think that's pretty accurate, kid. It's probably made with organic broccoli-coated flour shit. But hey, I'm sure it tastes okay. How about I cut it in half, yeah?"
"I can cut it, Nicky. I'm not paralyzed or nothin'," Lorna quickly blurted out. Her tone rather defensive upon hearing Nicky's offer to cut the sandwich. As if she would ever allow that. She knew the only reason Nicky offered was so that she could somehow manage to make Lorna's half the bigger one. A head shake was given. Lorna wasn't stupid.
Nicky gave a hard stare towards the younger girl, arching her eyebrows in the process. Lorna may have been completely capable of slicing the sandwich in half, however, Lorna also wasn't keen on eating any of it so she knew if she agreed to let Lorna do the slicing, she'd easily make sure her half was smaller. Nicky sighed and shook her head. She wouldn't allow it.
Lips gently brushed atop Lorna's scalp as she very cautiously took the plate from her reach. "I'll take of that, kid. I know exactly what you'd do if I didn't cut it myself and I'm not gonna let that happen. I'm sorry."
The defensive stance intensified even more upon hearing Nicky's statement. Having the plate removed from her lap had both of Lorna's arms angrily folding up against her chest. Eyes heatedly returned Nicky's stare, "No, you just want to make sure my half's bigger so I gain even more weight. You want me to be fat, everyone fucking does. Well, I'm not eating it and you can't make me."
"Lorna, please," Nicky snuffled, exhaustion inflecting through her voice as she spoke.
She lifted a hand up to her head and pushed back her hair from her forehead. The sandwich now sat in two equally cut halves on the plate regardless of what Lorna might have been thinking. Nicky closed her eyes and prayed to whatever higher power there was for the strength to get both of them through this mess.
Once her eyes opened back up, she fixed them back on Lorna and motioned a hand in front of her eyes over to the plate. "See, doll, I cut it so they're both the same. I'm not trying to trick you, I promise. Pick which one ya want, yeah?"
Though her head shook even harder, Lorna skeptically shifted her eyes onto the plate and felt the hair on her arms stick straight the hell up. She was truly fucked up. Whole-heartedly, completed, fucked the hell up. Anyone who looked at a sandwich with the amount of trepidation she was now had to be a fucked up individual. "I changed my mind. I don't want to eat anymore."
Slicking back her hair once more, Nicky inhaled a slow, deep, breath. She let it gradually make its way back out seconds after. "I know you don't want to, Lorna, but this isn't a choice. You need to eat. You aren't gonna negotiate your way out of this with me."
"So you get to decide what I do now?"
Immediately after saying that, Lorna deeply regretted it. She really hated who she was right now.
Nicky took no offense to what was said and only nudged the plate in Lorna's direction. "You can pick which half you want."
"I want none." Lorna bitterly commented, turning her head away from the plate. Regret and shame grew in her chest. "I'd rather be suffocated than to eat food. Because eating feels like death."
Chapter Text
Chapter Eighty-Three
Time suddenly stopped and slowed the second those words registered in Nicky's mind. She quickly grabbed the plate back and set it aside. Her mind still trying to process what the hell she just heard Lorna say. Nicky turned her body in Lorna's direction and firmly placed a hand on either side of her face. She used her grasp on the other's cheeks to cautiously twist it so that she could look her fiercely in the eyes. One hand released itself while the other moved down to Lorna's chin and cradled securely underneath it. The other free hand she brought up to her forehead, pushing uneasily at the red hair spilling onto it.
Air snuffled through Nicky's nose as her eyes remained on Lorna's. Fingers stroked the flesh of the chin her hand cradled beneath. It still hadn't processed entirely through her mind what exactly Lorna meant when she said what she said about being suffocated and eating. A soccer punch to the gut was what hearing that felt like to her. Was Lorna suddenly suicidal now on top of having a shitty relationship with food? Or maybe she had been suicidal the entire time and starved herself as a way to slowly kill herself.
Regardless of the reason, Nicky only managed to tighten her grip on the younger girl. Clearly, a lot more needed to be done to fully help Lorna out of this seemingly never-ending hurtle. "What are you saying, Lorna? Are ya sayin' ya wanna die?" The words came tightly through her voice, teeth gritting down to keep her emotions from sliding out as well. The more her eyes lingered on Lorna's the easier they absorbed the agony oozing from them. The more she came to terms with how far down the hole Lorna had already gotten herself.
Lorna swallowed several times. Each time her throat felt rawer and rawer. Dryer and dryer. It was as if she had cried herself into a drought. There was no water left for the rest of her body because it had all fallen out from her eyes. They peered back at the worried ones hovering over them and all she could get herself to do in the moment was take a breath in through her nose. She wasn't entirely sure if she had answers to Nicky's questions. At least not answers that would bring any comfort to her. The last thing she wanted was to continue escalating Nicky's distress.
The air around them wasn't any better at making her throat and mouth feel less dry. Each time she swallowed the raw sensation remained. And getting up right now to fetch a glass of water wasn't an option. Nicky's grip on her kept tightening every time she even blinked an eye. Two deep breaths were inhaled before she felt stable enough to speak out once again. "No, I—I don't wanna die. I'm, I'm sorry I said that—I just, I feel so angry and upset and out of control that I, uh, I didn't even know what I was saying. I-I'm sorry, hon."
Some of the words rang true; she was sorry for being so short with Nicky, for allowing her emotions to get the best of her. However, she wasn't completely certain if she meant that she didn't want to die. Part of her feared the thought of dying while another part of her felt death might be the only way she could ever truly give peace to the people she loved. She was a fucking mess and she didn't think she'd ever be whole again. Nicky had a long life ahead of her—a life Lorna didn't believe Nicky should spend on helping her through this dark, twisty, path she had created for herself.
After a few minutes of being engulfed with her thoughts, and before Nicky had a chance to respond, Lorna chewed down on the side of her mouth as she looked intently up at the older teen. "I'll, uh, I'll eat one a the halves. But I'm not promising I'll be able to finish it all," she informed Nicky, turning her body towards the nightstand where the plate had been replaced onto just a couple of moments earlier.
Allowing her lungs to gradually fill with air upon opening her mouth to take in a breath, Nicky nodded slightly in concurrency with her girlfriend's revelation. "That's fine, Lorna," she softly started, letting the fingers of the hand she cradled around the bottom of her chin delicately stroke around its flesh in a soothing manner. "I just want you to try. You don't have to eat it all, eat what you can and I'll be happy."
Nicky watched carefully as Lorna retrieved the plate from where she'd set it down and placed it onto her lap. Seeing her legs tremor faintly while dangling off the side of the mattress, Nicky without any thought wrapped her arm protectively around Lorna's shoulder and pulled her closer. "What are you angry and upset about, doll? Is it because I wouldn't let you cut it?" Fingers brushed slowly up and down along her spine.
Focusing her eyes down on the plate upon her thighs, Lorna recoiled her shoulders for a few seconds before gently releasing them. She brought a hand up to grab at one of the halves, after studying them closely to make sure the one she kept was smaller—even if it was by a miniscule amount—and handed the one she held over to Nicky.
She waited until Nicky took the half from her to verbally acknowledge her queries. "A little bit, but that's not the whole reason I'm mad. It's mostly because a the Chapmans," Lorna tilted a shoulder and retained her gaze on the plate. The remaining half less and less appetizing the longer she stared at it. But she wouldn't bring that thought to light. Instead, she took in a strong huff of air while averting her eyes from the food back onto Nicky. "I just don't get why they had to all of a sudden want to find out where I was. I didn't want to come back here, Nicky. I wanted for them to not come and have the CPS lady find out so I'd be reunited with Franny instead. But stupid Mrs. Chapman with her stupid chip ruined that for me."
"I know, kid, I know," Nicky whispered with a bit of a melancholic tone mixed in there. She continued the soothing motion up along her spine and leaned her head closer to Lorna's in order to have better access to the top of her dark brown waves where she pressed her lips over. "I'm so sorry you're dealing with all this shit, doll. I know it's not easy and I wish there was something I could do for ya. But just know I'm here for ya and I'm not going anywhere, yeah?"
The comment warmed her heart while at the same time worsening the guilt eating at her veins. Did she deserve Nicky's constant love and support after the way she spoke to her? Lorna didn't believe so. But then again she hadn't believed so even before that. She didn't believe she'd ever deserve Nicky's love and support or anyone's love and support. She shook her head at the inner battle going on in her mind and swallowed down her feelings the best she could. All that mattered right now was trying to mend the tension she had previously caused.
And the only way she could start to mend that was by appeasing Nicky with at least taking a bite of the sandwich on the plate still sprawled upon her lap. She nervously picked it up in one of her hands, looking it over rather precisely. Much more precisely than any other person would likely do before just putting it to their mouths for a bite.
However, Lorna couldn't just lift the sandwich to her mouth and take a bite without thinking about it. Fuck. All she could do was sit there and think about it. About how even a small nibble would cause her weight to double. Maybe triple. She couldn't fathom what eating the entire thing would do to her body. How it would likely make her thighs twice the size they were now. Make her stomach protrude like she was pregnant. With an elephant or two, hell, probably three.
The clearing of Nicky's throat brought Lorna from her ever-active mind. She turned her head and peered back at her with squinted eyes. The bottom of her lip inverting under her top one. "But aren't ya annoyed with me, hon? Or pissed I guess? I wasn't very nice to ya, and I'm real sorry for saying such hurtful things," Lorna reminded her with an apology. She sighed and deterred her eyes once more. She was pissed at herself for getting so hostile towards the one person who was only trying to help. It wouldn't surprise her if one day Nicky just had enough of it and left. She would understand and knew that was something she deserved. To be left.
Seeing her struggle with the sandwich in her hand but turning the conversation off of that broke Nicky's heart. Caused her arm to pull her closer until Lorna's head was pressing into her chest. She let her chin rest atop it and exhaled a slow breath. Fingers from her other hand moved up to Lorna's scalp, gently massaging at its flesh. "I'm annoyed with your eating disorder, doll, not you. I know you're only getting defensive because of how terrified you are of food. And I also know you can't help that—it's the eating disorder's fault, not yours. Besides ya didn't say anything hurtful to me, ya just spoke in a very angry tone. Which isn't something I took offense to. You're hurting, baby, and going through a lotta stuff right now. You're allowed to get angry in front of me or anyone, really. Holding it all in isn't good for ya."
"I don't deserve you, Nicky." Lorna shook her head while bending it down so her eyes were no longer peering into Nicky's. "I don't deserve any of you, I really don't," a faint sniffle quickly accompanied her words. She felt the pang in her chest increase and wished there was some way she could make everything up to her girlfriend. To go back in time and not have gotten her caught up in all this shit with her. If she hadn't have invited her over the one night her father was home, all the events that led up to this very moment would have never occurred in the first place. Nicky wouldn't have to sit here and struggle to help her with this nonexistent eating disorder everyone said she had.
Nicky felt her heart sink into her stomach. Tears were quick to make their way from her eyes as she secured her hold on Lorna. She held her hand on the back of Lorna's head to keep it in place against her chest and slowly began rocking the pair of them. Mouth pressed firmly, yet with the softest of touch, onto the top of her scalp. "Why don't you deserve me, Lorna? Because I love you and want to take care of you?"
Naturally, her head bobbed itself up and down. There were a multitude of reasons Lorna believed for why she hadn't deserved Nicky. Her love and affection were two of the bigger ones. She was too fucking damaged to be loved and cared for in the way Nicky had. Nicky was the kindest of kind, the most loving of loving—she shouldn't have to be stuck with damaged property such as Lorna. No one should have to be stuck with Lorna. Absolutely no one.
"I just don't, hon. It doesn't matter why I don't; just know I don't deserve you. There's nothing I can ever do to deserve you, Nicky and I'm sorry. I'm real sorry. I wish I could be normal for ya, I really do. But I'm fucked up and there ain't no fixin' me, hon."
"Lorna, where are ya gettin' all these thoughts from?" Nicky tilted her head so her eyes were melding into Lorna's. Worried lines creased on her forehead while tears ran along her cheeks. Her arms continued to wrap tighter around the brunette's waist. "There's nothing for you to apologize for…you're perfect the way ya are, doll. I love you. I love you the way you are and nothing will ever change that. Please tell me what's making you think and say these things, baby."
The brunette waved a hand in the air and shook her head. There was no use continuing the conversation. She shouldn't have said anything to begin with, she soon realized. Instead she forced her lips into a smile and pointed her hand at the two halves of sandwich they were both holding in their dominant hands. "Let's just get this over with, Nicky. I'm already dreading this enough just sitting and holding this in my hand is making me even more anxious. I want it gone," she muttered, gazing annoyingly at the item upon her palm. Truly she couldn't find anything more agonizing than that damn piece of food she held.
Nicky breathed out a sigh but gave a slow nod of her head. She didn't see the point in arguing with Lorna over the conversation right then. They could save that for another time. Maybe when Lorna was less on edge, she thought. She sucked in some air through her nose and turned her eyes onto the brunette who remained in her arms. "Good idea, kid, I told ya the more ya put it off the harder it'll be to follow through. Ya wanna take a bite at the same time? Would that make it easier for ya?"
A chuckle sounded through Lorna's airway. Her head shook out of instinct while her eyes fell onto the sandwich in her hand. Nothing would make eating that less of a hassle. She meant her words when she said she'd rather be suffocated than to eat this damn thing she held. Suffocating was less painful than putting food down her damn gullet. How the fuck did she get to this point? The question popped through her mind numerous times the last few weeks. This had been her normal for so long that she could hardly remember what it was like to actually enjoy the thought of a nice meal.
Hell, she couldn't even remember the last time she was able to eat without obsessively thinking about it beforehand. Justly, she had no fucking clue how the hell she got to where she was right now. How she just allowed herself to lose interest in the one thing that all humans needed in order to survive. It was terrifying when she sat there and let her mind ponder on it all. How easily she became so engulfed, so caught up in whatever this was she was caught up in. Some may have referred to it as an eating disorder but Lorna couldn't bring herself to admit that.
This wasn't that. An eating disorder. This was just some weird, fucked-up, little phase that some teenagers went through. Of course, she affirmed, of course that's all this was. A small phase that would soon pass. It had to eventually. She felt Nicky's breath on her scalp and jolted herself from her mind. Again her lips curved into an empty smile and she nodded her head. Even though she knew the truth. That nothing would make the process any less dreary.
"Sure, hon, I would, uh, I would like that…if we both, erm, took a bite at the same time."
Nicky nodded and had her lips curve into an encouraging smile. "Of course, I'll do whatever I can to help ya through this. Are ya ready to take the first bite of it?" She held her stare on Lorna and didn't do a thing until she saw her head bob in response to her question. A very timid bob of the head she took note of. A sigh huffed out of her. It wasn't right that Lorna was feeling this way about a task that the majority of people didn't even think twice about doing each and every day.
Trepidation gradually coursed through her the closer the sandwich got to her face. Eyes momentarily shifted over to Nicky, who copied her movements and brought her half of the sandwich towards her lips. It froze in place as Nicky's eyes met with Lorna's. Clearly, Nicky wasn't going to bite into it until Lorna did. And Lorna wanted to put that off for as long as possible despite the fact that doing such would only escalate how much she didn't want to do it.
She sighed. There would never come a time where she would want to do it, she came to terms with. Putting it off wasn't going to change that. Wasn't going to magically make her find it any easier to eat. It would only make the whole ordeal even harder. Just like Nicky kept insisting her on. Nicky was always right. Always bluntly honest even when it hurt to listen. She sighed again. Eyes reverted back onto the sandwich. That's all it was, she tried to calm herself, just a sandwich. It wasn't going to jump up and kill her. Despite it feeling that way in her mind.
Fingers combed the side of it, letting the smooth texture of the turkey and cheese come in contact with her flesh. Why was this such a challenge for her? It was literally only bread with fucking deli slices of meat and cheese. Who the fuck sat there terrified of something like that? Eyebrows arched above her eyes as she let the queries pulse through her head. She swallowed down the building saliva and very slowly inched the food product closer to her mouth. The sandwich had been close enough to lightly press against her lips but still had not been placed inside her mouth.
With her eyes squeezed shut, Lorna inhaled a breath through her nose and took a few seconds to contemplate her entire existence. Once she felt at peace—or at peace as she could feel—she timidly opened her mouth and used her hand to place a small amount of the sandwich into it with. Teeth clamped down on the portion and tore into the bread until it ripped apart from the rest of the sandwich.
Teeth chewed thoroughly on the piece of sandwich in her mouth. She finally opened her eyes back and peeked a glance over at Nicky, who was also chewing on a piece of her half of the sandwich. Minutes passed as she continued to chew the food. She hadn't swallowed until she observed Nicky doing so. It took a few swallows before the particles went all the way down through her esophagus.
Fifteen agonizing minutes was how much time had passed between the first bite and last bite of the sandwich. Relief and exhaustion were the main sensations Lorna felt upon completion of her half of the sandwich. She set the empty plate onto the nightstand, then let her body press back against Nicky's. In turn gently pushing the both of them upon the mattress once more.
Having Lorna atop her Nicky embraced her tightly with both of her arms wrapped tight around her waist. Chin pressed softly on the top of her head and tilted downward just enough for her lips to be able to peck a warm kiss over the spot above it. Hands raked lovingly, over and over, through Lorna's thick brown waves almost as if her hands were the bristles of a brush. A quiet breath came out through her throat as the two lied there in each other's warm arms.
"I'm proud of you for eating the whole half of the sandwich. You did so good, kid," Nicky murmured, lips had moved from the top of her head to right against one of her ears. Her breath trickled out and warmly heated the flesh underneath where her mouth rested. Eyes peered down onto Lorna, searching her face and expression rather methodically. There was a mental fatigue easily picked up by her. She moved her hand to a porcelain cheek, stroking the tips of her fingers all around the area.
Despite feeling the total opposite, Lorna flashed a grateful smile while nuzzling her face even closer to the older girl. She lay there with her head propped up—chin resting on her hand she had previously placed on Nicky's chest. A position that made it easier for the two to gaze into each other's eyes. She felt a sigh squeak its way out as she lifted her other hand to place on one of Nicky's cheeks, mirroring her actions. The palm of it caressed soothingly from one side to the other.
Forehead gently leaned closer until it was pressing into Nicky's. The sandwich debacle, albeit feeling like having climbed Mt. Everest in a freezing ice storm, was worth it to be where she was in this specific moment. With her arms around Nicky and Nicky's around her. Their foreheads melding into one and their hands stroking one another's cheeks. Nothing was better than this. She'd do anything to have this time with her Nicky. Her sweet, sweet, loving Nicky. Even if that meant having to consume a half of a sandwich every once in a while.
"Thanks, hon. You did a real good job too," a light-hearted smirk formed upon her face as she rubbed a hand lovingly along the length of Nicky's cheek.
She inched their faces closer, if that was possible, and allowed her lips to lock with those belonging to her girlfriend. They glided softly together in a long, sweet, kiss. Eyes closed as she deepened it. She held their lips together for as long as she could until the two of them needed to pull apart for air. Air refilled her lungs and she felt a smile taking shape on her face. She couldn't resist it from widening the more her eyes lingered on Nicky's. Yes, she clarified, this was worth the torture of eating that godforsaken sandwich. The closeness, the warmth, the kissing, the gentle stroking—all of that was worth everything.
Nicky brought her hand up to cradle around the back of Lorna's head, bringing it closer to her own once they both had caught their breath. She smashed her lips once more over Lorna's and closed her eyes, allowing herself to become immersed with the kiss. There wasn't anything else on her mind right then. Nothing but the angelic taste of Lorna's sweet lips upon her own. She couldn't imagine anything better than the intimacy she was sharing with Lorna now. Nothing nor nobody else had the capability of making her heart race as it happened to be in this moment.
"You're fucking the most unique person on this planet, ya know that kid?" Nicky's voice huskily queried, eyebrows curved as she peered straight into Lorna's mesmerizing brown eyes.
Biting down on her tongue out of nervous habit, Lorna leaned back a little. Eyes returning her girlfriend's inquisitive gaze. Lips curved up slightly and then quickly returned into their normal position. "Is that a good thing, hon?" She traced a thumb delicately around the flesh beneath one of her eyes. Breath falling warmly over her face as she remained hovering atop her.
Locking their lips together a third time, Nicky enthusiastically nodded her head. A thumb she used to lovingly tuck a loose strand of brown hair behind an ear with. "It sure is, doll. I love you so much just how ya are. You're perfect in my eyes. Absolutely perfect," voice murmured against Lorna's lips, quickly heating them up from her breath. And every word was meant wholeheartedly. She never met someone quite like Lorna. Someone as utterly unique and perfect as her girlfriend.
Breath caught in her throat. A good throat catching of breath Lorna believed. Butterflies flipped about her stomach as she stroked a hand all the way from Nicky's chest up to her face. Leaving faint goosebumps in their wake. The sight formed a smile on her own face. She let her fingers press softly into the flesh of Nicky's cheek, verging on the bottom of her lower lip, and caressed around it in a circular motion. It brought her joy to be so gingerly affectionate with the redhead who rested beneath her. The redhead who did so much for her, who supported her nonstop.
There was no one on the planet—no one in the entire universe—who Lorna could picture herself loving the way she loved Nicky. The way her heart burst through her chest, her blood coursing through a force of tingles, the way Nicky's touch and lips made her crave even more. Nicky was the only one capable of making her feel the way she felt. Making her lust for her touch, her affection, her beautiful and angelic lips against her own.
"The perfect one here, hon," Lorna breathed out, taking a moment to peck her lips warmly over the flesh beneath her lips. "is you," her voice lower, nearly purring as it lightly rested a bit below Nicky's mouth. She raised a thumb to the side of where her lips were laying upon and rubbed the skin softly, soothingly. "You are real special, hon. Ya make me feel things that I, uh, I didn't think I could feel."
"Mm, yeah? Like what, babe? What things do I make you feel?" Nicky quirked a frisky eyebrow, voice husky with both lust and affection. She mirrored Lorna by placing a thumb on the flesh beneath her lips. Stroking around it in a compassionate fashion.
An unintelligible murmur sounded through Lorna's airway. She chewed down on the side of her mouth, cheeks flushing pink as she pieced together how to respond to that. Or rather how to not choke on her words from embarrassment. Fingers from her other hand which happened to be resting on one of Nicky's arms raked in a feathery motion up and down the length of it. "Well, uh, let's just say I'm a little soaked in the down the area," was her sheepish response, cheeks darkening several shades.
A warm laugh came from Nicky as she took both Lorna's cheeks in her hands and stroked her lips over hers. When she pulled apart, she looked down at her with a smile melded upon her face. Thumbs tenderly caressed away loose strands of hair fallen over her brown eyes. "I find your prudence towards sex talk so fucking cute, doll. The redness of your cheeks right now is even cuter. But how ya've been so bold with me before, ahh, there's no one cuter than you. Seriously, Lorna, you're making my heart pound so fast right now. I never wanna move from this spot here with you."
"I second that," Lorna whispered back. She pressed their lips right back together and then slowly pulled away. Once she had, she took both of her hands and framed them around either side of Nicky's face. Holding it in place in front of her own. Fingertips drew soft hearts around the cheeks underneath her hands. The corners of her mouth flared up into a smile. "Nicky you make my heart and other things in me flutter. I guess it's a good thing I finished the sandwich because now we get to cuddle like you promised, huh? Can we stay here for the resta the day? Does Red know you're here?"
Turning on her side, Lorna still securely held in her arms, Nicky mirrored her smile and nodded her head. "Ah, now I know the best way to encourage you, yeah? Just promise you lots of cuddles and kisses after?" She threw an affectionate wink Lorna's way and in return received a warm giggle. The most angelic sound to grace her ears.
She slightly maneuvered them so that both of them were laying on their sides with their fronts pressing together and arms still engulfed around each other's waists. Lips fizzled into a smile. Nicky laid a hand on Lorna's cheek, curling a sparse brown hair behind one of her ears. "Ma knows I'm here and I'll shoot her a text later to let her know I'll be spending the night too. That way we can stay right where we are for the rest of the day. Fuck. There's nowhere else I'd rather be then here, cuddled with you."
Lorna nuzzled closer, if that was even possible with how close they already happened to be, and settled her face in the crook of Nicky's neck. Eyes closed shut for a moment as she took everything in. The smile on her face hadn't faltered but instead grew wider. A tranquil breath came in through her nose and felt warm the entire way down to her lungs. "I mean I guess I could manage a little food if it means getting this after. This is the only place I wanna be, in your arms and looking at you—admiring how beautiful every inch a ya is, hon."
"Hmm, I feel the same way. I could lay here holding you for an eternity or two, babe. Nothing else matters or exists when we're together."
Footsteps coming from the hallway halted her spiel. Both sets of brown eyes swiftly shifted onto the door. Nicky squinted hers before averting them back onto Lorna, "Did ya happen to lock the door, kid?"
A sheepish giggle innately escaped from Lorna's throat. Hands were thrown up in the air as she shrugged her shoulders. "I think, hon, but I'm not real sure."
The steps outside grew louder and soon after the knob of the door was being jimmied with. Mrs. Chapman stood in the doorway, covering her mouth with both hands. An audible gasp squeaked out.
Chapter Text
Chapter Eighty-Four
"Excuse the hell out of me? What are you two doing in my guest room bed laying together?"
Carol's voice boomed loudly through the room as she remained put in the doorway of the bedroom. Hands defensively resting on either of her hips. Her blue eyes narrowed in on Lorna, glaring at her darkly while shaking her head in displeasure. A finger wagged in the air at her. This shouldn't have surprised her. She was realizing more and more just how much trouble Lorna was. Ever since she and Bill took her in she'd done nothing but cause them grief. First with the sneaking out of the house stint and now this. Laying with her lesbian girlfriend in one of their beds. Infecting it with their lesbian germs no doubt, she thought. Teeth gritted together the longer her eyes lingered on the pair.
"Lorna," she called out, displeasure inflecting through her voice. "Lorna," she repeated, shaking her head and wagging a finger at her. "I was coming up here to apologize to you but now I'm recanting it. How could you lay in this nice bed with that girlfriend of yours? Have you no respect for mine and Bill's things, our house?"
A sharp, deep, breath was sucked in. The only thing that could cool Lorna's composure. She looked at Nicky, who refused to release her arms from her, and the two drew in their bottom lips at the same time to avoid letting out any snickers. The clearing of Mrs. Chapman's throat and the way her foot aggressively tapped against the wooden floor brought both of their attention back onto her. Lorna's lips instantly faded into a frown as she let out a puff of air.
"Mr. Chapman said it was fine for me and Nicky to come up here."
Mrs. Chapman scoffed, shaking her head with even more force. Eyes rolled so far back that both Nicky and Lorna were surprised they hadn't got stuck behind her sockets. Arms folded spitefully over her chest as she continued to glare the two young teens over. Nerves were being pushed beyond their limits, she acknowledged. The contempt she had towards Lorna escalated each second she spent in her presence. God did she wish she could go back in time and somehow convince Bill what a horrible idea it was to foster a teenager. Especially a teenager as unruly as Lorna happened to be.
"I don't care what my husband said, clearly he's not thinking right. I want you both up and off this bed right now. Now, the whole bed needs cleaned from top to bottom before your germs infect the whole thing," Carol demanded, throwing her hands up madly in the air after harshly clasping them together.
Nicky secured her arms even tighter on Lorna's waist to keep her from abiding by such a bitter-filled request. She swallowed hard while turning her head to stare over at the blonde woman. The blatantly pissed off blonde woman she confirmed. "Lorna and I were told by your husband that we could come up here so that Lorna could get some actual rest. Since, ya know, she's been stuck in the hospital for the past few days." Anger seethed through Nicky's teeth with venom as she spoke to the middle-aged woman across the room from them.
The more her eyes stayed fixed on Carol the angrier she got. The harder she gritted her teeth together to keep it from entirely spilling out. Who was Carol to talk to Lorna the way she seemingly had been? Head shook fiercely at the pondering query. She swallowed a wad of saliva, tightening her grasp on the brunette, and glared heatedly at the older woman.
Mrs. Chapman glared back with matching heat. Arms folded distastefully over her chest. The audacity. The fucking audacity she thought with a violent shake of her head. Who the hell did these two teen girls think they were? One disregarding all that she and her husband were kind enough to do for her while the other one spoke to her in such a mouthy tone. She shook her head. She didn't like them one bit. Didn't take too kindly to their behavior. Some nerve they both had.
Lips pursed together. "Do you speak to your mother in such a disrespectful manner?" Eyes pointed on Nicky, eyebrows positioned above them in a way that showed how disgruntled she was with the redhead.
Lorna felt Nicky's body tense drastically and gave her a comforting squeeze while raking her hands soothingly through her thick red curls. Guilt tore into the pit of her stomach. She couldn't believe what nerve Mrs. Chapman had to come at her girlfriend like this. Her girlfriend who had done nothing other than incessantly protect her. Veins boiled with fury. Fury towards the absurd Mrs. Chapman.
"Oh, my mother? She couldn't care less about me. Kinda like how you couldn't care less about Lorna. See how that works? You know, for an adult, you sure don't act like it. Not the way you talk to Lorna—ya know the girl you and your husband are fostering? You're supposed to be the ones making sure she's safe and okay but clearly you failed. And when she was in the hospital you failed again because ya couldn't even pick the damn phone to call her and check on her," Nicky muttered out.
And before Carol had the chance for backlash, Nicky pushed herself and Lorna up from the bed so that they could get the hell out of there. Not just out of the room but the entire house. She didn't believe Lorna should be forced to stay in a house where half the foster parents didn't truly care for her or her well-being. However as the pair made it towards the doorway, it was Nicky who halted and twisted her body in order to have direct eye contact with the blonde behind them.
"Lorna's coming with me to my house. Where she won't be subjected to whatever this shit is."
Red was just setting a pan of cookies into the oven when the sound of shuffling footsteps gained her focus. She closed the lid of the oven and turned towards where the noise appeared to be coming from. The light giggling that was being shared between the two teens standing in the archway influenced suspicion to build within her. She folded her hands on either of her hips though a smirk displayed on her face. "What are you two laughing about huh? Nicky, did you break Lorna out of the hospital by chance?"
The inquiry only intensified their laughter. Lorna placed a hand on Nicky's arm to steady herself from how hard her laughter was affecting her balance. Her eyes, however, peered across the kitchen onto Red. The laughter finally faded into a light-hearted smile upon her face. "I wouldn't put it past Nicky to do something like that," Lorna admitted with a gentle pat against Nicky's forearm. "But no, she was breaking me outta the Chapman's house."
Lorna's revelation had Red's head tilt to the side and her eyebrows arched a near foot above her blue eyes. She lifted both of her arms and crossed them over her chest. That wasn't a good sign, she thought. Of course she didn't mind having Lorna at the house with she and Nicky but also hadn't been fond of the idea of having a police officer come knocking on her door in the middle of the night again. Eyes caught glimpse of the teakettle nearby, so, she settled on preparing a fresh pot for the three of them.
"As long as you made the Chapmans aware of that then I'm fine with it. I just don't want a repeat of the last time you slept over here, Lorna."
Another bout of laughter was shared between the teens. It took a few moments for the pair to collect themselves before their heads nodded simultaneously. Nicky waved a hand in the air, lips curved up in a smirk as her mind played out the memory of that night. Nothing like getting woken from a dead sleep in the wee hours of the morning to police banging on the door, she thought. "Oh, don't worry, I made it very clear to Mrs. Chapman that I was brining Lorna home with me, ma. She's lucky that's all I did, I was ready to fight her."
Flicking the switch on the stove for the kettle to work, Red twisted around with perked up eyes. "Why were you ready to fight her foster parent, my Nicky?" She narrowed her glasses down to the tip of her nose while retaining an unreadable gaze on her daughter. Her very impulsive daughter she deemed.
"Well, first it took five days for her to finally give a shit about where Lorna was. Which, might I add, the only fucking reason they found Lorna was because Mrs. Chapman is a psychopath and had Lorna's shoes chipped. Whatever the fuck that means."
Nicky paused and waved a hand in the air. She walked fully into the room, Lorna right behind her, and settled on sitting at the table. Lorna sat down beside her seconds later causing Nicky's hand to naturally reach for one of hers. Fingers stroked delicately over each knuckle while her eyes still gazed out onto Red. Her nose caught a waft of cinnamon mixed with a hint of nutmeg which instantly brought a comforting aura over her. "I'll just say this, Mrs. Chapman isn't too fond of Lorna and I didn't think it was fair for Lorna to have to stay there tonight with people who don't truly care. Is that so wrong a me, ma?"
The kettle started to boil. Red retrieved a few mugs from the cabinet above, placing them neatly in a row on the counter to the left of the stove. A fresh jar of her most-treasured honey sat catty-corner to the cups making it easy for her to reach. She placed a spoonful in each mug except for hers where she placed two spoonful's. Once she finished readying their tea mugs, she turned back around to fix her attention on the teen girls who now resided at her kitchen table.
What she heard had her lips morph into a displeased frown. Hands once again folded up on either side of her hips. She couldn't blame Nicky's earlier comment of wanting to fight Mrs. Chapman any longer. Hearing what she heard, Red wanted to do that as well now. "No, my Nicky, that's not wrong of you at all. I'm glad to have Lorna here with us. I just put a batch of cookies in the oven and have a kettle of tea going. We can have a little tea chat if you girls are up for it?" Eyebrows curved ponderously above her two eyes.
The suggestion left Lorna's body feeling warm and fuzzy inside. Her head nodded rather enthusiastically much to the surprise of both Red and Nicky. A smile easily slipped onto her face as she twisted her head around to glance over at the Russian matron. Seeing her in her baking apron, reading glasses hanging slightly from the tip of her nose, it brought back memories of her mother. Memories of her mother that widened the smile she had. Mrs. Morello spent a lot of the evenings—especially during the winter months—baking cookies or other sweets just out of the pure reason of enjoyment. Lorna remembered how the house smelled like vanilla nearly all winter long.
She closed her eyes and happily allowed herself to take in the scent of Mrs. Reznikov's kitchen now. Cinnamon. Nutmeg. And a slight hint of warm vanilla. Maybe even a dash of honey mixed in there, she thought after another deep sniff of the air around her. Eyes opened back up, the smile on Lorna's face hadn't faltered once. "I definitely like the sound of that, Red. My mom and me used to do that a lot. Well, we drank coffee and chatted and it was usually on school mornings but I guess that's basically the same?"
"You could say that. Tea chats are the evening version," Red pointed out with a warm chuckle.
The beeping of the kettle interjected so she turned around to pick it up off of the stove and carried it a few feet to the left where the mugs were resting. Each mug was filled with steaming hot water right up to the three-quarter mark. Red set the kettle back on the stove, making sure it was placed on one of the cooler burners so the bottom of it didn't become scorched, before taking out three apple cinnamon teabags and dousing them in each of the cups.
Two at a time, Red carried the mugs over to the table. One placed in front of Nicky and the other in front of Lorna. She went back to retrieve her own, then returned to the table to claim the chair across from the two girls. Steeping the teabag in and out of the hot water, Red kept her eyes on the pair settled on the other side of the table. "So, Lorna, how are you feeling? What happened with you and Mrs. Chapman?" The questions cautiously spilled from her mouth.
Stirring the water with the teabag, Lorna swallowed a lump while keeping her eyes fixed on the inside of her cup. Watching as the water gradually changed from clear to a dark brown color. The smell of the apple and cinnamon tea hit her nose and brought a slight comfort over her. She cleared her throat to rid herself of the uncomfortable lump. "Mrs. Chapman just doesn't like me. And I don't like her either. I just wish I could get the fuck outta there, already. They're not my family and I don't want to live with them," her shoulders recoiled and eyes observed as the liquid sloshed from one side of the cup to the other.
Nicky instinctively snaked an arm protectively around Lorna's waist while nuzzling the side of her head with the side of her own. Fingertips soothingly caressed along the length of the waist she held her arm around. "Do ya know if your sister's heard anything yet about the legal guardianship?" She queried, turning her head slightly in order to be able to glance down onto Lorna's face.
Sipping her tea, Mrs. Reznikov looked between the two attentively. She nodded her head in agreement with what her daughter was asking. Interested to hear what Lorna's response would be. It was clear to her that Lorna should be living back with people who really cared. Who really wanted to look after her and help. Three things that the Chapmans were not capable of by the actions they displayed over the last several days.
"I'm not real sure. I think I might see if Fran can come get me from school tomorrow and I'll talk to her about it then." Eyes remained peering into the mug sat on the surface her hands held it to. Satisfied with the tint of the liquid, Lorna lifted it up and pressed her lips on its rim. A decent sip of the tea was brought inside from the sucking of her lips around the mug's ceramic rim.
"School?" Nicky's face scrunched up as she moved her head to have a better look at Lorna's. She brought her free hand up to her forehead and slicked back thick strands of her red hair. "Did the doctor clear ya to go back to school, kid?"
Eyebrows curved inquisitively over her eyes. Lorna sipped her tea and then folded her arms over her chest while returning her girlfriend's odd stare. That was a question she hadn't planned on hearing. Didn't think needed to be asked. But yet here she sat being asked a very question she never expected to be asked in the first place. Shoulders shifted upwards. "What do ya mean? The only reason I wasn't in school the last few days was because I was stuck in the hospital, Nicky. I'm out now so I have to go tomorrow," she stated as if it were the most obvious thing. And in her mind it was the most obvious thing.
There was no choice. Her grades were so bad already and they probably slipped even further in the crack now that she'd been absent almost half a week of school. She had to go tomorrow whether she wanted to or not. Whether she felt ready to or not. Because what she surely hadn't wanted was to end up repeating the ninth grade. Having to spend a whole extra year in high school. She refused to allow that to happen. Not over her dead body would she.
The tips of Nicky's fingers softly stroked up and down along the length of Lorna's spine. Slowly and in the delicate of touches. A long, drawn-out, breath was sucked in through Nicky's mouth as she retained her gentle gaze on the brunette sat beside her. There was a knot her fingers came across as they stroked along Lorna's back, which easily formed her lips into a distasteful frown. She caressed soothingly around the area, letting her fingers draw soft circles until the knot lessened and lessened.
"But, Lorna, even Dr. Poussey was concerned about your bloodwork. Maybe going to school tomorrow is too soon, yeah?"
Red narrowed her eyes on the brunette, deciding now was the perfect time for her to renter the conversation. Eyebrows arched above her blue eyes. "What did the doctor tell you before you left today, Lorna? Did the doctor say it's a good idea for you to be going to school tomorrow?" She followed Nicky's questions with her own little interrogation. One hand slid inside of the handle of her mug while the other rested on the wooden surface of the table.
Lorna swallowed thickly. Nervous lines creased onto her forehead as her eyes raced between the two redheads. The mug against the palm of her hand warmed it just enough to keep it cradled steady around its parameter. Face scrunched slightly as she thought back to when the doctor was discharging her. She couldn't recall whether anything had even been mentioned about when it would be wise for she to return to school. A hand lifted up to scratch uneasily at the side of her temple, as if that would somehow make a response appear.
"All she told me was to come to her office next week or something. She never said nothin' bout' going or not going to school tomorrow," Lorna told the two, circling her hands in the air as she spoke.
Nicky chewed down on her lower lip. Eyes giving Lorna a thorough look over. She shook her head. Lorna certainly didn't look ready to go back to school tomorrow. Only a day after being let out of the hospital, she thought. The cup in front of her slid a bit, catching her attention, and Nicky forced herself to momentarily shift her eyes away from Lorna onto her tea. Hands reached out, encircling themselves securely around the mug. Carefully, it was lifted to her mouth for a small sip.
Once she was satisfied with the thirst quench the tea provided her with, Nicky set it back where it originally resided and returned her awareness onto Lorna beside her. "Then maybe ya oughta wait til after your appointment with her next week before ya come back to school, kid. I think that would be the smartest choice," she informed her and averted her eyes over onto Red. An eyebrow curved up as she peered at her mother, "What do you think, ma? Wouldn't it be best for Lorna to wait before coming back?"
Alternating her stare between the girls, Red crossed her arms over her chest and gave a slight shrug of her shoulders. If she were the foster parent of Lorna, she would have been asking all these questions to the doctor before even leaving with the teen. Clearly, these Chapmans were not very attentive. A breath huffed out of her. "I think the best option is to give this doctor a call in the morning and ask her what her recommendation is," was her honest response. Even though by glancing Lorna over it was effortless to see how utterly frail and pale she happened to be. But to appease her, she believed it was wisest to ring the doctor first.
"So, I'm assuming neither Mrs. nor Mr. Chapman thought to ask any of these questions before they took you home from the hospital? Is that right, Lorna?"
Red's head turned in the brunette's direction. She watched closely as Lorna's head shook from side-to-side in acknowledgement to what she'd been asked. Red nodded. She wasn't surprised at all. It was rather evident to her how little interest either of the Chapmans had in Lorna and Lorna's well-being. A shame, really. "Now, see, if it were me—those questions all woulda had answers before we even walked out of the building." Hands were thrown up in the air upon her statement. She couldn't comprehend the size of brains Mr. and Mrs. Chapman had to have had to not think to do that. It was only common sense to do so, she thought. Something those two must have been lacking.
Lorna sighed and tilted her head down. Eyes gazed into her cup, slowly becoming immersed with the gentle swaying of the liquid from one side to the other. It was soothing. Like watching the waves of the ocean come to shore. She felt her eyes naturally close and allowed them to stay that way for a few minutes. A breath trickled out of her. If only she could remain as calm as she felt in that moment. But the harsh reality was that she couldn't. Tomorrow she had to go back to her normal life where her grades were constantly slipping and Annalisa was likely plotting ways to torture her. To make up for all the lost time her absence had caused.
However, before she could voice any of her thoughts, the beeping of the oven interrupted their conversation.
Immediately, Red jumped up from table with her now empty mug in hand and swiftly made her way to the culprit of said noise. The empty cup was placed in the sink first, and then her attention was turned onto the beeping oven. She grabbed the oven-mitt from its spot on the railing of the lid, placing a hand inside of it so she could retrieve the pan of cookies from within it. Once said pan was set on the cooling rack just an inch off the stove, Red reclosed the lid and turned the knob to off position.
A few small plates were taken from the cabinet above the spot where the cookies rested and set aside on the counter beside them. She took a spatula from a drawer and divvied out a few cookies for each plate. The plates were all placed on a serving tray which Red used to carry them back to the table with. It was put down in the middle of the surface and Red made sure to hand a plate to each girl, knowing if she hadn't that Lorna would likely refuse to even touch one.
"I was bored tonight so I made some of my famous Sushki's. You girls know what those are?" Red quirked an eyebrow, taking the remaining plate for herself. She let it rest right next to her napkin while keeping her eyes focused straight ahead.
Both teens shook their heads. Lorna looked down and examined the pastry with a precise eye. After a minute, she popped her head up and gave a glance back at the middle-aged Russian matron. Lips curved into a small smile. "Looks like a miniature donut, Red. Is that it? Is it a Russian mini donut?" She squinted her eyes as she looked back down at the small, circular, pastry.
The middle-aged woman allowed a warm laugh to escape her as she nodded her head in acknowledgment to Lorna's question. She broke a small piece off from one of the Sushki's she'd served onto her own plate and carefully brought it to her mouth where she released it inside of. "Kind of," the words came out upon swallowing the piece of pastry. "It's more of a cookie texture than a donut. But a lotta people think of Sushki's as the Russian take on donuts. I always made them when my boys were little."
Red drew in a few breaths but never once had her focus on Lorna faltered. "They loved it. It was the only thing that would get them the hell outta bed for school in the mornings," she couldn't resist from snickering at such memory. Those sons of her gave her quite the trouble growing up, but yet her heart burst for love for all three of them. She felt her lips easily curve up into a smile the more she shared. "The smell of fresh Sushki's carries through the house like nothing else. And those three boys made me make these every single day. But I wouldn't have done it any differently, I love the smell of fresh baked Sushki's myself. Reminds me of my own mother and my grandmother."
Matching smiles shaped onto both Lorna's and Nicky's faces as they listened to Mrs. Reznikov's heartwarming recollection. Nicky used that time to rewrap an arm tight around Lorna's waist, tracing her fingers slowly up and down along her spine. Eyes, however, were on Red the entire time she spoke, smiling right along with her curved up lips. There wasn't anything she enjoyed more—aside from time spent with Lorna—than listening to her surrogate mother reminisce about her past. It warmed her heart tremendously.
"Lucky kids you have, ma. Are they all in college now?" Nicky questioned with curious eyebrows curved upwards.
"The oldest is graduated but the younger two are. I still make Sushki's every once in a while to send in a care package to them. But I'm not sure they appreciate it as much as when they were little," Red's voice slowly drifted. She swallowed down thickly, letting her stare fall onto the plate laid out in front of her. Just as quickly as the wave of displeasure came over her, it dissolved away even swifter. A smile reformed onto her face.
"But now I have the pair of you to keep me company. So I'll have to have you guys bake these with me the next time I decide to make them. Would you girls like that?"
The teens nodded enthusiastically and Lorna waved her hands in the air, "I love baking, Red. Before my mom got real sick, she spent all a November and December making all kinds a cookies and pies for Christmas. She let me help her a couple a times and I really enjoyed it. And in the summer she baked all kinds a fruit breads. The house smelled so good." There rested a genuine, truthfully blissful, smile upon Lorna's face as she disclosed this to the other two.
Mrs. Reznikov gave a smile back to the younger teen. Hands clasped together in the process. "It's settled then. The next time I have an itching to make Sushki's, you girls will join me and we'll have a fun time. As long as neither one of you burns my house down."
It was nearing nine o'clock when the pair of them plopped down onto Nicky's bed. They both rested against its mattress with their backs pressing into it and the sides of their bodies pressing into one another's. Nicky breathed out a slow, airy, breath and allowed her lips to curve up into a smile. It widened when she felt Lorna's fingers intertwine with her own. She turned her head, gazing directly at the younger teen who had just cradled her hand around Nicky's. A matching grin on her face.
Sensing Nicky's eyes on her, Lorna turned her head as well and peered lovingly into them. The hand she had interlaced with her own she brushed her fingers delicately up along the flesh of with. Breath escaped rather quaintly from her mouth which remained in its grinning position as she allowed her stare to meld with her girlfriend's. There wasn't anywhere else she'd prefer to be than right where she was now. Lying beside the person she loved with every fiber of her being, their bodies ever-so-lightly touching at the sides and their hands melted into one.
The lids of her eyes closed shut. Air peacefully escaped from her throat. This felt like Heaven. Nothing else existed as the pair of them lie so quietly together. All the worries, stresses, fears, faded into the abyss. Lorna twisted her body onto its side and scooted closer until she was able to move her head onto Nicky's shoulder, right near the crook of her neck almost. Fingers from her other hand lifted up to lay against the flesh leading from her jawline to her chin.
"At least now we're safe from Mrs. Chapman tryna to walk in on us, huh hon?" Lorna nearly purred as she pushed herself slightly up from Nicky so that she could press her lips tenderly onto the nape of her neck.
Nicky's smile swiftly transformed into a smirk upon hearing the comment. Hands reached up and grabbed gently at Lorna's face, bringing it down to her own where she smashed their lips together in a heated kiss. A much-desired heated kiss. The back of Lorna's head became cradled by one of her hands while the other remained cupped around her cheek. "You're damn right on that, doll. No Chapmans can come in here and interrupt us now. We have all night to do whatever our hearts desire, babe."
Chapter Text
Chapter Eighty-Five
"Mm, yes, Nicky, yes," Lorna cried out as she felt the cusp of an orgasm starting at her feet and making it all the way through to her head. The bed shook beneath them from how intense the sensation was. How overwhelmed and overpowered it left Lorna feeling once the immense waves of pleasure finally subsided. Nicky's fingers gradually released from the inside of her vagina and in a matter of seconds she felt Nicky's hands grabbing onto her head, bringing it closer until a softness of warmth radiated underneath it. The let go of Nicky's hands gave her the ability to turn her head once more and she wasn't shocked to realize her head was resting on her girlfriend's bare chest.
"Fuck," Nicky breathed out, "That was fucking hot, kid." Fingers raked through the dark brown waves of hair that spilled over her chest. She tilted her head sufficiently so her lips were able to effortlessly stroke on the top of Lorna's head. It took a few minutes of silently stroking Lorna's hair for her breath to ease back into a normal rhythm. When it had, she used both of her hands to take Lorna's face in them and gradually brought it up to right in front of her own.
A warm, soft, kiss was planted onto Lorna's lips. With her hand cupped securely around the crown of her head, she closed her eyes and naturally allowed their lips to glide together, growing deeper and deeper by the second. It lasted until both were near blue in the face from desperately needing air refilled in their lungs. They chuckled simultaneously and Nicky pulled the comforter from underneath their bodies, maneuvering them so that the cover was over top rather than under now.
Nicky pulled Lorna completely onto her own body, snaking both arms around her bare waist and back. A sigh escaped her as she tilted her head, staring compassionately down at the girl lying in her arms. Hands massaged tenderly around the flesh of Lorna's spine. With no clothes covering the area, it was easy for Nicky's hands to notice the bones blatantly protruding out. Such sensation instantly molded a knot in the pit of her stomach. The lower of her lips inverted and teeth grinded into her tongue.
Lorna was much skinnier now than she was fully clothed. By the bony feel of her spine, Nicky concluded that Lorna was deathly skinny. Worrisome skinny. Teeth chattering skinny. Hair on her arms sticking up from goosebumps skinny. She had to cover her mouth with a hand to keep from allowing any inaudible gasps involuntarily coming through. The amount of bones she felt as she massaged her hand along the top of her spine to the lower portion shook her. Made her wonder how long Lorna had truly been starving herself. Clearly, it had to have been going on for at least since they met but Nicky feared it was even longer.
Yet, as she looked down at Lorna and saw the beaming grin on her face, she knew now was not a good time to voice her concerns. Lorna needed one night without talk of her eating disorder, Nicky concluded. Even though she loathed the idea of putting this off. But she didn't have the heart to cause that angelic smile to fade from Lorna's face. Lorna deserved to feel good, to feel happy. Fuck, Nicky thought, Lorna had a lifetime of agony in a matter of four years. One night of being happy with Nicky wasn't going to change anything. It would only give Lorna peace of mind, which—without a doubt—she deserved. More than fucking deserved.
So, Nicky pushed aside her worries and let herself stay in this moment with Lorna. She curved her lips into a smile and pressed her chin lovingly onto the top of Lorna's head. Fingers from one hand drew soft circles along her spine while fingers from her other hand brushed delicately through dark strands of brown hair. "Yeah," she murmured, eyes gazing out towards the window right behind her dresser. "I could stay like this forever. Just holding you and not thinking about anything else. God. I love you so much, Lorna. I mean I know it's true love because I am nothin' but a puddle of mush these days. And that doesn't even bother me." The revelation was quickly followed with a warm chuckle.
Her chuckle was followed by a chuckle from Lorna. "I guess love can do magical things to ya, hon. Because love is like magic but betta. My mom always told me there's nothin' like love and finding love. And I think she's right on that. I love love."
Lips pressed softly onto the flesh of her forehead. Nicky held Lorna's face in her hands, hovering it above her own, and peered intently into her eyes. She noticed a twinge of pain blink through them and traced a thumb along the skin underneath one of her eyes. "It's okay to be sad, doll, I know it's hard without your mom. You don't have to hide your pain from me. You're allowed to feel. Feeling is the key to healing, babe."
Lorna snorted on a giggle despite the sensation of tears threatening to fall from beneath her eyes. She framed her own hands around Nicky's cheeks, returning her gaze with a fierce one of her own. "What are ya now, hon? A therapist? I think you're spending too much time listening to Dr. Washington," she stated but allowed another light-hearted giggle to escape after.
"Hey, Dr. Poussey has wise words. And it's true. That feeling is the key to healing. Because if you don't let yourself feel, kid, you'll be stuck in this endless circle of self-destruction. I don't want you struggling in that mess. It's not good for you. I'm sorry," Nicky muttered, shoulders falling back with a forceful sigh. "I didn't mean to turn this into a serious conversation, kid. But I saw that look in your eyes when ya mentioned your mom and it made me think. Have you actually grieved for her? Or when you were telling us she was on a business trip, did you believe that too? I'm not trying to upset you, doll, I'm just really wondering and wanting to understand."
Air came in through Lorna's nose upon absorbing the information her ears had just taken in. She couldn't look at Nicky in that moment and decided on shaking her head slightly from her grasp in order to let it fall back onto her chest. Where she could easily turn it and hide her face against it. Where she could prevent Nicky from seeing the tears spill from her eyes. Despite her hiding face, her arms draped securely around Nicky's upper torso. Lips brushed gingerly over where her heart resided inside.
Albeit Lorna's attempts of hiding her tears by pressing her face into her chest, Nicky felt the warm liquid against her skin and immediately strengthened her arms around her waist. A crack in her heart coursed through her flesh. She swallowed a lump down, having a sense that Lorna likely hadn't grieved fully for her mother. If Lorna had allowed herself to grieve she wouldn't have felt the need to tell her and everyone else that Mrs. Morello was living in another state for some suspicious business trip.
"You wanna talk about it, baby?" Nicky spoke, keeping her voice low and soft against the rim of one of Lorna's ears. Fingers brushed slowly from the back of her head up to the top. It broke her heart to know how ashamed her girlfriend was to let anyone in. To let anyone see she had emotions and pain lurking so deeply inside of her. To think she didn't have the right to feel those feelings. Nicky's heart sored heavily for Lorna and her hidden agony.
"Talk about what?"
The words came out in a highly strained voice. The only way she could talk without it being obvious she was crying. Nicky didn't deserve to see her cry. To have witness her pain and at the same time try to take on Lorna's pain. That wasn't Nicky's pain to endure, Lorna told herself. Nicky needn't be caught up in all that. She was already caught up in way too much of Lorna's shit. Why allow it to keep piling up and up? It wasn't fair and it wasn't fucking right.
The more tears that fell the stronger the urge Lorna had to pull away. But she didn't. She wanted to stay as close to Nicky as she could. She wanted to be in Nicky's arms, to feel loved and safe. Something she hadn't felt in a long while since before Mrs. Morello got cancer and passed away. Nicky made her feel all of those things and she craved that. But also knew, in her heart, how justly unworthy she was of Nicky's compassion. Her affection, gentle touches and loving cuddles. Lorna didn't earn that. She didn't do anything that would ever deem her worthy of such things.
And, yet, despite how unworthy she felt she had not the energy to pull herself away from any of it. Not tonight. She worked so hard to have this time with Nicky today, she wasn't throwing it out just because a part of her wanted her to be alone with her own self-hatred. There was all the time in the world to give into the darkness, one day without doing that wouldn't make much of a difference.
With her eyes squeezed shut, Nicky drew Lorna closer and nuzzled her chin lightly atop her head. Arms hugged softly around Lorna's body, pulling her even closer in the process. It felt like she couldn't get her close enough. Lorna was everything to her, she breathed in. Lorna's pain deserved to be recognized and brought to light. She loved Lorna and each part that made Lorna Lorna. Which included her pain, her insecurities, and her scars. All of that made Lorna who she was and who Nicky adored oh so intensely. There wasn't a human Nicky adored more than the one in her arms right then and there. No one would ever worm their way into her heart the way Lorna so easily had.
"Why you're crying and trying to hide it from me. I can feel your tears on my body, sweetheart. You don't have to be afraid to let me see you cry," her husky voice warmly assured the younger teen. A thumb soothingly tucked a loose brown hair beneath the flesh of one of Lorna's ears. She felt Lorna mold closer into her front and a sense of compassion came over her.
Her head tilted slightly and eyes peered down to see Lorna's hand reaching to quickly wipe at the bottom of her eyelids. Such a vision only continued to shatter Nicky's heart. She reached her own hand down and set it atop Lorna's, taking it away from her face and bringing it nearer to hers. Lips gently found their way onto each of Lorna's pale knuckles, kissing them one-by-one.
"It's not a bad thing to cry, Lorna. You're allowed to and you don't have to be afraid of me seeing you cry. I'm not gonna think any less of you for it. Never would I, baby. You've always been so scared of letting me see you upset or hurt, yeah?" More kisses were pressed around the hand she held until the sound of a faint sniffle caught her attention. She took Lorna's hand and laid it on her chest, stroking the top of it over and over with the palm of her own.
Lorna grinded down on her bottom lip to stop it from visibly trembling. The sniffle had caught her off-guard. She hadn't meant for it to escape, didn't even know one was going to. But it did, nevertheless, and there wasn't much she could do to prevent it. Hell, she barely had the stamina to even say anything back to Nicky right yet. Just trying to catch her breath was challenging enough. Having to form a coherent response on top of that proved to be merely impossible.
Her face nuzzled closer to the warm skin underneath it. She let Nicky's words absorb inside her mind and realized exactly how honest and true they were. Letting anyone, especially Nicky, see her pain or her tears was the biggest sign of defeat. The biggest sign of failure. That would only show how weak she was, how much of a failure she happened to be deep within. All of which Lorna was not okay with allowing to come to fruition. Not any time soon, at the least.
It had been so long since she freely let herself cry, let herself experience emotion, that Lorna couldn't exactly remember what that was like. To feel. Not just to numb herself out. It was easier to numb than to feel. She liked it that way. The easier way. If she were walking down a hallway and had to choose between the path of numbness or the path of emotion she knew, with intense certainty, she would choose the numbness path. It wouldn't even be a thought. It wouldn't be something she'd have to ponder over; she'd just walk naturally in said direction. Not even blink her eyes.
The silence did nothing to ease Nicky's concerns. But it also wasn't a surprise. She knew Lorna wouldn't say anything, wouldn't admit to being scared of her vulnerability showing. Lorna was afraid of being afraid. Afraid of what showing her rawness to others would do, what it would make them think of her. Nicky sighed. She rubbed the palm of her hand slowly up and down Lorna's bare back while giving a soft kiss to the top of her head. It was never an easy task getting Lorna to open up to her. And that wasn't even what she planned to do tonight, really. But seeing the pain so clearly trying keep itself from projecting out of Lorna's eyes, Nicky couldn't ignore that. She couldn't ignore her girlfriend's pain in the way Lorna so easily had.
Seeing it brought her back to reality. Made her remember how much and how long Lorna had kept herself trapped in her own world. How she put on this extravagant act around not only her but everyone else as well. Lorna likely never truly grieved the death of her mother. No, Nicky thought, Lorna was too worried about how it would make her look to other people. Too worried how if anyone knew she lost a parent they'd think some way or another about her to really just let the grief run its course.
Another huff of air made its way through Nicky's windpipe. Hand remained stroking all along the skin of Lorna's spine as she rested her chin over the top of her head. It hurt knowing how hard Lorna worked to keep herself locked in a mental barrel. Just so she wouldn't, as she proclaimed, burden the people around her. Her head shook the more she thought about it. Lorna didn't deserve to suffer the way she had; she didn't deserve the kind of treatment she showed to herself.
"Please talk to me, Lorna. Tell me what's upsetting you. Is it your mom? Did bringing her up hurt?" Nicky murmured her questions soothingly against the top of the head her chin rested on. Fingers were placed to the side and gently massaged around Lorna's scalp, hoping to soothe away some of the discomfort she happened to be experiencing.
Stomach flipped each time Lorna tried to get the courage to open her mouth. And when she did finally open her mouth long enough to speak, she couldn't get any words to come out. Only a few sniffles and snuffles. She tightened her arms around Nicky's shoulders and turned her head a slight amount so that if Nicky looked down she could actually see her face. That was hard enough without even forming words to respond with. Knowing how puffy her eyes had to be from the numerous tears she had felt streaming from them for the past several minutes.
Lorna was certain she looked a mess as she lay bare on her girlfriend. Mentally, she felt a complete mess. Felt like all she could do was try to breathe without any sniffles sneaking their way through. She swallowed saliva that had formed a puddle at the bottom of her tongue and closed her eyes. Not wanting to see Nicky's expression when she finally decided on getting a look at her.
Nicky felt the movement of Lorna's head and naturally tilted her own to stare down at her. A sigh escaped when she saw how tightly shut Lorna's eyes were. She stroked her hand from her scalp down to her face, cradling around a cheek once it made the journey all the way there. "Open your eyes, kid. I wanna look at you. Please. You don't need to be scared of your pain being seen by me, I promise," Nicky lovingly reassured her, pressing the palm of her hand delicately into the flesh of the cheek it snuggled around.
"Nicky, my eyes are a mess. I can tell they're puffy from how heavy they feel. I don't want ya to see that. Can we just go to sleep, please? I wanna be prepared for school tom—"
"Doll, we don't even know if you're able to go to school tomorrow yet. Ma's gonna call your doctor and ask what she recommends. But we're not discussing that because you'll just try to argue it. Right now we need to talk about what you're feeling," Nicky interjected, letting her arms bring Lorna closer to her. A strong, gentle, squeeze was given to the smaller teen. "Why don't ya want me to see your eyes? It doesn't bother me to see them if they're puffy or not. I love your eyes, doll, they're beautiful because they're yours. And everything about you is beautiful to me."
The comment evoked another round of tears to form at the rim of her eyelids. Lorna tried her hardest to keep them in but after only a few seconds, she could no longer do so. The tears had a mind of their own and fell without much of a warning. There was no more stopping them. She had no choice but to let them freely stream along her already puffy and chapped cheeks from the earlier round. Sighing morphed into involuntary sniffling. Lorna had no ability to control them. Which, in turn, made her feel utterly out of control. She loathed such a feeling.
A hard swallow. Several breaths drew in to even out the sniffling. Lorna still struggled on what to say, what to share. Was it really that bad of an idea to open up to Nicky more? Would it end in her death? Clearly not. No one died from talking to their loved ones about how they felt or things they'd gone through. But that didn't stop Lorna's mind from running with such irrational, illogical, thoughts. She swallowed harder. This time a thick lump formed in her throat and wouldn't dissipate the more she swallowed.
"But I don't have the appointment card, Nicky. Mr. Chapman does and I'm not going back there to get it. I don't wanna ever see them again," Lorna finally managed to speak once again, hands reaching up to her face and smooshing it out of frustration. The motion did nothing to ease any of the tension. Only intensified her irritation towards anything and everything. But mostly the fucking Chapmans.
Fingers traced warmly up along the length of each of Lorna's arms. Nicky dropped a soothing kiss atop her head while a heaping breath expelled from her windpipe. "We'll figure it out, doll. Don't stress over it. Not tonight, yeah?"
An identical breath made its way through Lorna's airway seconds later. Her head bobbed slightly as she nuzzled even closer to the radiating warmth Nicky's body naturally gave off. She lifted her head a small amount, looking up into Nicky's soft brown eyes. Soft brown eyes which peered back in such overwhelming compassion. Compassion so strong it made even more tears fall from Lorna's own brown ones. The lump in her throat doubled and she couldn't seem to catch her breath.
"I really don't know what I did, hon. I really don't."
Nicky arched an eyebrow, raising her hands and placing one on either side of the brunette's face. The corners of her mouth curved into a displeased frown. "What are you talking about, kid?" Voice lowly questioned, breath warmly heating Lorna's mouth and flesh underneath it. She ran her thumb delicately around Lorna's cheek. "You didn't do anything. You've done nothing wrong, baby. I'm not sure what you're trying to say."
Lower lip gradually sucked inside of her mouth beneath her top lip. Lorna drew in a deep breath, held it for a few seconds, and let it dissipate its way back out of her. One of her hands raised upwards and mirrored Nicky, cupping around the flesh of one of her cheeks. Their eyes melded together and she could feel her throat constricting to observe the tears Nicky's brown ones held. That was her own doing. She swallowed uneasily, looking deeper and deeper into them. The reason for her hidden pain hadn't even been disclosed yet and Nicky was already crying for her. What would being open with her about it do to her?
Many a questions whirled through Lorna's mind the longer her eyes lingered on Nicky's. The idea that Nicky already hurting for her without even knowing the reason behind Lorna's tears only made the thought of revealing said reason that much more of a challenge for Lorna. She couldn't find it in her to worsen any of that by answering her questions with why she had been upset. Nicky needed to stop taking on her pain, Lorna recognized. It was too much for she, herself, to handle. The thought of another human taking on her own sufferings made her organs twist and churn inside. Strengthened the guilt she was all too familiar with.
"I guess I just wonder what I did to be so lucky to have you in my life. I mean it, hon. I have no idea what I did. I feel like I haven't done anything good to earn someone as compassionate and kind as you in my life. And I don't really do anything good for you either so it just overwhelms me sometimes to think about. Why I would deserve to have the most loving girlfriend when all I do is cause her pain and worry and stress. I haven't even explained why you think I am hiding my own hurt and ya already look like you're upset. That's all I'm good at, hon, is causing you pain even though I never even mean to."
Lorna's words began to jumble together and from the expression on her face it wasn't difficult for Nicky to make out the ever-growing tension. She moved a hand to the crown of her head and her other hand to Lorna's spine, both were softly patted by her palms. "You need to take a second to just breathe, babe. You're speaking so fast it's hard for me to understand you. Let's just catch your breath, yeah?"
Hands massaged slowly up and down along her spine and the scalp of her head. "Shh, shh," her words murmured softly into the rim of Lorna's ear. Fingers drew soft circles around the crown of her head, lips very lightly touching onto the flesh of her ear. "Shh, it's all okay. I've got ya, baby. You don't need to stress yourself out, yeah? Just take some deep breaths and talk slower. You have nothing to fear here, I promise."
Air slowly refilled Lorna's lungs as she felt her body innately relax against the older girl's. Tears came to the tip and Lorna didn't even try to stop them as she sensed their warmth running along her cheeks. Arms reached up and wrapped securely around Nicky's neck where she nestled her face into the crook of. The soft thumping of Nicky's heart against her head provided an intense sensation of comfort. There didn't appear to be anywhere safer than where she happened to be right now. In the warm and affectionate arms of her girlfriend. The one person who never abandoned her, never made her feel dismissed and minimized like her father had on multiple occasions.
As much as it hurt and made her feel inadequate to open up and be honest with Nicky, Lorna knew it might possibly benefit Nicky if she were to have an understanding of the pain and why Lorna had constantly been so adamant on keeping it stowed away from the rest of the world. So, she inhaled fiercely and let the air course through her windpipe until it settled into her lungs. She raised her head a bit from Nicky's chest, deciding it would be easier to talk to her if her mouth wasn't muffled by Nicky's bare-skinned chest.
Their eyes met and Lorna felt her throat constrict somewhat. Nicky held onto a lot of her pain already and it didn't seem fair to keep piling onto that. But Nicky was the one who wanted to know. Lorna tried to convince herself it was okay to be honest with her, that it wouldn't completely rack her heart with guilt down the road. All of which Lorna knew was an absolute lie. She would most definitely be racked with guilt after this—she already fucking was and hadn't even said a damn thing, yet. It wasn't fair for Nicky or anyone else to be burdened with her own traumas. That had been the whole purpose for her secrecy in the first place.
The whole reason she put up the front she did was to keep the people she loved from having to also handle the pain she was divvied out. And yet, here she and Nicky were—Nicky taking it on herself without even knowing the half of it. Lorna swallowed uneasily and faintly shook her head. How the hell was Nicky coping taking on her pain? She wondered. It certainly didn't feel right to allow it to continue escalating.
"I think you should break up with me, hon. I don't want you to but I, uh, I think it would be best for you."
Nicky blinked her eyes in disbelief while tightening her arms around Lorna's waist. She pondered on if she heard her correctly because there was no way what she heard was real. Teeth grinded onto teeth as she tried to process each word. "Why, um, why do ya think that? Have I made you feel like I would ever even think of leaving you, Lorna?" Though her voice tremored faintly, fingers remained stroking from one side of Lorna's face to the other.
"No, no, Nicky you never make me feel any bad type a way—"
A slow nod was given and a breath of air exhaled through her nose. Nicky took the entirety of Lorna's head into both of her hands and held it lovingly out in front of her own. Eyes gazing strongly into Lorna's. "Then, why," she moved her face so her lips were warmly pressing on the rim of Lorna's ear, "why, baby, are ya saying you think I should break up with you? Huh? Why would you think that would be best for me?"
Lorna sucked on her bottom lip, tears building up once more and releasing themselves without a fight down along her cheeks. She swallowed a lump, pressing her face onto Nicky's. Their foreheads and noses melded together in a tender manner. The tightness in her throat made its way into her chest. Breath caught in her windpipe and forced through in the form of an audible sniffle. Of course the last thing she wanted was to be apart from Nicky, to be alone like she'd been before they met. Alone in her mind, struggling to make sense of shit. But she was toxic. And Nicky was way too fucking good for her to be caught up in Lorna's toxicity. Lorna couldn't enable that. It wasn't fair, wasn't right, and wasn't fucking moral at all.
The sound of Nicky's throat clearing brought Lorna back from her thoughts. She hated constantly causing Nicky so much fucking anguish. It was never her intention and yet, somehow, she always managed to do exactly that. Lorna placed her hands on Nicky's cheeks, brushing her fingers delicately along the length of each one. "Because, honey, I-I'm not good for you. I'm not. Okay, I'm toxic and…and all I do is hurt you. I don't even mean to hurt you but somehow I always fucking do and it's not fair to you," the words crackled through a broken and shaken voice. Sniffles and sobs mixed their way in.
"Lorna, what the hell are ya talking about?" Nicky scrunched her face as the words absorbed into her mind. None of them registered as anything that made even a bit of sense. She bit down on her tongue, peering incomprehensibly back at Lorna. A loose strand of hair caught her focus and she used a thumb to stroke it away with. "You're not toxic. You're the least, the absolute fucking least, toxic person there is. Why are you sayin' all this shit? What's wrong, baby?"
"But I am toxic, hon. I cause you pain and that's why I don't think you should be with me anymore—"
"Lorna," Nicky whispered, fingers stroking warmly along her jawline. Lips comfortingly pressed onto Lorna's for a short peck that she hoped would soothe whatever this was away. "I love you. I know you have a lot of fucking shit to work through but that doesn't mean I'm just abandoning you, doll."
Chapter Text
Chapter Eighty-Six
"I will not be leaving or abandoning or breaking up with you at this time. You've never once done anything to cause me pain, Lorna. The only reason I cry and hurt is because you've been hurt so fucking terribly and I wish—I wish so badly that I knew you when it was happening. So I could have been there to protect you and ward off your evil uncle. It's not your fault what happened and it's not your fault I'm hurting for you, baby. Is that what's making you say this? Do you think it's your fault I'm upset and that's why you're telling me I should break up with you?"
Tips of her fingers softly caressed along the length of each of Nicky's cheeks. Lorna swallowed the lump that had just formed and stared back into the eyes of her girlfriend with the utmost affection oozing from her own. Blood warmly flowed through her veins as she processed all that was spoken to her. It reignited the tears to form from the bottom of her eyelids. She pressed her face onto Nicky's once more, letting her lips gently peck over the little spot which separated Nicky's nose from her mouth.
Lorna snuffled after and framed her hand firmly on Nicky's face. Their eyes were on the same level, both peering directly into one another, and all Lorna could see was the agony seeping its way through Nicky's brown ones. And though Nicky made it very clear nothing was her fault, Lorna couldn't refrain from thinking the opposite. Maybe that was just her self-loathing trying to overpower her once again or maybe there was some truth behind it. She couldn't tell which was truer. Her mind found it rather thrilling confusing her the majority of the time she'd come to realize long ago.
Lower lip sucked in under her top one and her fingers drew tender circles around the flesh of the cheek her hand was cradled around. "Nicky, you—you've done so much for me, hon. You're the sweetest person I know and I'll love you until the day I die," were the gentle words Lorna started off with, tracing more and more circles around Nicky's cheek. A sigh forced its way out of her throat. The whole night had been one fuckery after the other, she mentally noted and still remained unsure how it led to this moment right now.
How it went from the two of them making sweet, passionate, love just an hour ago to Lorna's trying to convince Nicky why she should leave her now. It made zero sense. Zero fucking sense. Even Lorna knew that. But despite knowing how unfathomably ludicrous this was, she couldn't seem to stop herself from persisting. She had a fucking problem. She couldn't stop from torturing herself, couldn't stop from giving in to the irrational self-loathing rather than her logical mind trying to bargain her the opposite way.
"I'll love you forever, Nicky. I mean that. But I just…I know I'm not no good for ya and I can't live with myself knowing that my own problems are rubbing off on you and making you hurt, too. Why should you want that for yourself, hon? You have so much love, so much compassion—why waste all that on someone like me, ya know?"
Eyes squinted upon hearing Lorna's reasoning. Breath hitched in her throat as her gaze softened on the younger girl. Nicky bit down on the side of her mouth while trying to figure out what to say. She had no idea how to get it in Lorna's head that no matter what thoughts plagued her mind she would never abandon her. Her hands drifted up until they landed on each one of Lorna's. Fingers tracing around both hands' flesh in slow, gentle, circular motions.
While she could somewhat understand where Lorna may have been coming from, Nicky certainly couldn't comprehend how her leaving Lorna would benefit either one of them. She definitely wouldn't benefit from it. Lorna was her love. Her sweet, angelic, love and there wasn't anything Lorna said that would ever convince her to leave. A breath huffed out as she tilted her head, watching Lorna with tender eyes. "Excuse me, are you calling my beautiful girlfriend a waste?" Was about the most Nicky could manage to say without her emotions leaking out too much.
Nicky's fingers retained their soothing strokes on Lorna's hand the same way her big brown eyes kept their warm stare on Lorna's. Lorna felt a pang forming in her chest, unsure of how to respond. The more she tried to encourage Nicky to push away from her the closer Nicky held onto her. Did she have to use reverse psychology to get her intentions to work the correct way?
But deep down, Lorna didn't want to be without her. Without Nicky. Nicky made her feel whole, complete, like she fucking mattered for once in her life. And yet she couldn't allow herself that satisfaction. She was the one who wanted to sabotage her own relationship to fucking appease her unrelenting goddamn self-hatred because she was fucking sick. A sick fucking person. Maybe even a sick soul. Was she wicked? Lorna couldn't answer that. She had a hard time recognizing who she was anymore.
"You're not listening to me, hon."
"But I am, baby. I am listening to you and I don't understand what is making ya say all this. You're blaming yourself for your own pain and I don't know why. It's not your fault, Lorna. What happened to you isn't your fault," Nicky softly assured her. Hands laying flat over the smaller ones underneath them, pressing their palms gently onto the flesh of the top of Lorna's. "And you're minimizing yourself as if you're some sorta waste to the world…what makes you think that? You are so special, Lorna, so special and so fucking beautiful. I can't stand to hear you talk so poorly of yourself like this."
Lorna had the urge to push away. To remove herself from the loving arms of her girlfriend. Where she didn't believe she deserved to be. There was so much shit wrong with her. She had no business pawning all of that onto other people, especially Nicky. Nicky was beyond good to her. Had done a lot of things for her that no other person even considered before. And what did she give to her in return? More fucking stress, more agony, more pain. Nicky should have the desire to run for the hills now rather than later, she thought. The longer she chose to stay the worse things would get.
It proved harder to hold her eyes on Nicky's. Nicky's stare was rather intense. So intense that it cracked her heart a slight amount the more she returned the stare. Washed her mind with conflicting thoughts. She believed Nicky meant everything she told her, wholeheartedly, however, that didn't negate the oozing guilt. The way she felt about the whole situation. She truly didn't believe it was good for Nicky to be with her. There was only so much hurt one person could take, she rationalized. And though Nicky proclaimed she would always want to be there for her, what would taking on Lorna's pain time and again do to her over time?
"But you're hurting because of my pain. Who else's fault is it besides mine? There's no one else to blame but me, hon. It's my fault you're hurting…I'm a toxic person and I really don't want you to be trapped here with me," Lorna muttered, eyes shutting to stop the tears from continuing to flow out. She feared if she didn't, they would flood her until she ceased existence.
The comment did nothing but cause Nicky's head to exhaustively shake. What the fuck. This wasn't how the night was supposed to end. And it wouldn't have turned into this if she hadn't have made the energy between them turn serious. She wanted to scream at herself but refrained. Instead, she lifted her hands up to her head and irritatingly slicked back her hair.
Attention gradually landed back onto Lorna once she'd sufficiently recollected herself. Eyes softened once more and her hands returned onto either side of Lorna's face. Fingertips naturally caressing their way along the length of each pale cheek. "Lorna, sweetheart, listen to me," Nicky tenderly, yet firmly, commanded. When she observed a small nod of the other's head, she mirrored it with one of her own. Running her fingers over and over up and down each one of her cheeks. "You are not at fault for anything. Not your pain and not mine. The only one or people who are at fault for that are your father and uncle. Do you understand? They are the reason you're hurting because they fucking hurt you. I hurt for you, babe, but it's not your fault. It's their fault. Their fucking fault not Lorna's. Nothing happened because of you, kid."
"It's my pain that's making you hurt, Nicky, so that is my fault. Just leave me before it gets worse. I don't want you to be stuck with me, I'm not good for ya. Please, Nicky, please listen. I'm gonna go—"
"You're not gonna go anywhere, Lorna. It's late and I refuse to let ya walk away from this. Just, let's not talk about that anymore. I'm sorry, doll, I should have not said anything. I didn't mean to take away from the upbeat mood," Nicky hurriedly interjected while securing her arms around Lorna so that she couldn't try to run away.
A sigh came out as she stroked her hands soothingly up and down Lorna's back. Eyes peering straight ahead at nothing in particular. This whole situation the pair of them were in right now was entirely her own doing, she knew. Had she just kept her mouth shut on the hidden pain she noticed in Lorna's eyes none of this would have occurred. Damn her and her impulsiveness. Nicky sucked down on her lower lip and shook the thoughts away. There was no use dwelling on it, she told herself, it wasn't like she could go back in time and undo what she said.
However, it was easier said than done. Lorna couldn't just let it slide. Her mind refused to allow her to do anything of the sort. Eyes focused up onto Nicky's face, who's own stare was fixed straight ahead as if she was looking into another dimension. Reminded her of the glassy stare she'd seen on her mother's face the weeks leading up to her death. She swallowed uneasily and settled her head back into the crook of Nicky's neck. Tears long dried up but left a few faded sniffles in their absence.
The pang in her chest strengthened slightly to hear Nicky apologizing and blaming herself for Lorna's own outburst. Well, maybe outburst wasn't the proper descriptor but regardless, it certainly wasn't anything Nicky needed to apologize for. Or take the fault for. She rested a hand on the spot right beside where her face lain and soothingly stroked around the area. "None a this is your fault, hon. I'm the one who upset you and I'm sorry. I still think you'd be better off without me but you're right, we needa not talk about that anymore tonight," Lorna's voice murmured softly onto the flesh it hovered atop.
Air exhaled deeply from Nicky's windpipe. She nestled her chin warmly onto the scalp of her girlfriend's head, combing her fingers tenderly through her thick brown waves. "Let's just agree neither of us are at fault, yeah?" When she felt Lorna's head bobbing up and down in response, she sighed once again and let their bodies naturally press even further into each other. "Good, now please don't think about all that negative stuff—at least not for the rest of the night. I don't want you to silently torment yourself, baby. I love you and no matter what thoughts are going through your mind I will never cease loving you."
Coffee wafted through the air. Its strong and intense scent was sufficient at waking Lorna from her slumber early the next morning. She squinted her eyes from the bright light spilling in through the hallway from the open doorway. Arms stretched above her head as she looked around, she observed that Nicky was no longer lying in the bed with her. She quickly jumped out of the bed, deciding on making it before she exited the room. It didn't take much longer than a minute to have the bed back in working order—as if it hadn't been slept in at all.
The closer she walked towards the kitchen the stronger the coffee scent became. Immediately, her lips perked their way up into a smile. Nothing made a school morning less excruciating than the delightful smell of a bold coffee, she thought. By the time she was all the way in the kitchen, her nose had become fully enthralled with the coffee's unwavering aroma.
Her brown eyes caught glimpse of Red's pattering about the room, the coffee just finishing its brew into the vessel, and Nicky's hovering over the counter beside the machine waiting needfully for it to finish. Seeing that instantly brought a faint chuckle from Lorna's throat. She cautiously walked nearer the redhead teen, stopping halfway when she remembered the conversation from last night. How she had tried so desperately to convince Nicky to leave her and felt the pit of her stomach form a sharp knot.
There wasn't much time for her to ponder any further on the previous night's conversation as it had quickly been interrupted by the sound of the coffee pot being removed from underneath the filter. Lorna stood and watched with attentive eyes while Nicky brought the pot to where she'd placed her mug and tipped it over the rim so the liquid easily poured right into the object. Shortly after, the vessel was replaced in its earlier spot and she observed Nicky's grabbing her now full cup and turning around to seemingly go have a seat at the table.
On her way to sit down, Nicky finally noticed Lorna's presence and stopped midtrip to snake her arms protectively around her waist. She gave her a loving squeeze along with a soft kiss atop her head. A sigh tumbled its way out of her windpipe as she remained standing and embracing Lorna closely for a few moments. She hoped the conversation from last night wouldn't rear its head again any time soon. The idea of Lorna's thinking such nonsense made her immensely uneasy. Nothing would convince her that she was better off without Lorna. Lorna was her love, her one love who she yearned for a future with. No matter what obstacles they had to face. She wanted to be there through all of it and she knew Lorna would certainly do the same for her.
Another huff of air expelled through. The thoughts slid temporarily away and she led Lorna to the table, releasing her so they both could situate themselves on adjacent chairs. Her coffee mug was set on the wooden surface right after a rather large sip of it was taken. The bold, flavorful, taste had her tastebuds rejoicing with gratitude. Her grogginess gradually fading into wakefulness. Something that didn't come to her lightly, especially not in the mornings. The last thing Nicky was was a morning person.
Lips curved up into a smile once she refocused her attention on the brunette next to her. One hand still gripping around the handle of the coffee mug in front of her. "Did ya sleep okay, kid? I'm sure the bed was more comfortable than the one at the hospital, yeah?"
Nodding intuitively, Lorna rubbed at her eyes to get rid of the sleep that had tried to stay behind. Her mouth formed into a smile that matched the one on her girlfriend's face. She reached a hand across the table and gently rested it on top of Nicky's which remained grappling onto the ceramic cup's handle. Fingers brushed their tips softly up and down the length of the hand, drawing circles once they made it up where her knuckles resided.
"I slept a lot betta than in the hospital. That's for sure, hon. It's so nice not hearing constant beeping and footsteps outside the room all night long. Never ever again do I wanna spend even a night in a hospital. Not a comfortable place," Lorna truthfully responded, letting her eyes slowly journey their way up onto Nicky's brown ones. The smile on her face did not falter and neither did Nicky's, she noticed with ease. Another tender circle was stroked around the flesh of the hand she covered hers over.
Nicky released her one hand from the mug and replaced it with her other, bringing it to her mouth for another much-needed sip. When she placed it down once more, she switched the positioning of her and Lorna's hands so that hers was the one cradling around Lorna's. She laced her fingers tenderly with Lorna's and carried it up to her lips where a soft kiss was pressed over each of her pale knuckles. "I'm sure ya did, doll. Hospitals are not the best places to sleep at. And hopefully ya won't have to go back to one any time soon."
Though she hoped Lorna didn't have to, she wasn't entirely sure if that wouldn't happen again in the future. After feeling last night just how bony Lorna's spine was, how frail and pale the majority of her skin appeared to be, Nicky couldn't honestly say whether or not Lorna would be free of going back to the hospital. If she kept things going the way they were, there was no telling what might possibly occur with her.
Despite the contradicting worries, Nicky kept them to herself. With everything that took place the night prior she certainly wasn't going to say anything that might retrigger it now. Nope, she thought, her lips were zipped—at least on that matter. She drew in a breath and allowed her lips to morph back into a smile. Lorna's hand was squeezed tightly in her own while their eyes were peering right into one another. A loose strand of brown hair fell over Lorna's which Nicky stroked lovingly away with her thumb.
"Mm," the younger teen hummed, closing her eyes as she let her nose become absorbed with the growing aroma of coffee. "That coffee smells amazing. I needa fix myself a cup—my brain is still tryna stay asleep." Lorna lightly chuckled at her own comment but realized Nicky's grasp on her hadn't yet released. The sensation only caused her to chuckle more. She brought her other hand over and set it on the one resting atop hers, patting it softly with her palm.
Eyes had since reopened and peeked up at Nicky. "I'm gonna need my hand back, hon, so I can get myself a cuppa coffee," she informed her, her laugh stopping and morphing into a warm smile instead. The thumb on her hand that rested on Nicky's softly patted over each knuckle.
A playful smirk displayed on Nicky's face while she copied Lorna by taking her other hand and placing it atop of their pile of hands. She used it, cupping it from the bottom, and slowly lifted them up to her mouth. Her lips inched closer, slowly and steadily, until they were pressing onto the flesh of Lorna's top one. "You need some coffee, huh babe?" The words hummed huskily from her as if they'd been spoke directly through her throat. Eyes watched Lorna's head nod. The smirk widened but grew into a more genuine smile. "How about I fix you a cup, yeah? Would ya like that? I know how ya like it by now so that won't be a problem. I just wanna fix my sweet girlfriend her first sweet cup of coffee for the day."
Having Nicky's warm lips pressing onto her hand's flesh brought a bout of tingles all throughout her body. Cheeks naturally brightened a few shades of red. Lorna couldn't resist her smile from doubling in size. It felt like a total one-eighty from last night. Eyebrows scrunched up upon the thought; she shook her head at herself. Nicky hadn't made her feel any less good last night—the conversation was what made her feel the total opposite of what she felt currently. And of course that was all her own doing.
She breathed in slowly and let those thoughts dissipate without any further attention. Right now all she needed was Nicky and a damn cup of coffee. And Nicky's offering to make it for her? Her body tingled even more with radiating warmth and affection. Two in one, she beamed. Coffee prepared by her beautiful girlfriend meant it would likely be the best cup of coffee she'd ever have. Anything made from the love Nicky had for her was deemed to be the best.
"That would be real nice, hon. Cream and Splenda, please." Lorna murmured. However, before Nicky could get up she switched the positioning of their hands and this time lifted them up to her mouth so she could peck a soft kiss over the delicate knuckles on Nicky's hand. Satisfied, she released them and watched Nicky head back in direction of the countertops where the coffee maker was.
Splenda, the request repeated in Nicky's mind. Eyes squinted at the word. The only reason she could think for why Lorna was so persistent in choosing Splenda over sugar was the calorie amount. Or rather lack there of calorie amount. Shoulders raised up as air entered her lungs through the nostrils of her nose. She grabbed a mug from the cabinet where she knew them to be and set it onto the counter beside the coffee pot.
Having witnessed Lorna's way of making her cup, she went to the fridge to retrieve the carton of creamer. When she carried it back to the empty cup, she poured a quarter amount inside of it before recapping the carton. Eyes searched around the surrounding area and quickly caught sight of Red's sugar dish. Albeit being told she wanted Splenda, Nicky was tempted to use the regular sugar instead. The sensation of Lorna's bones popping so far out of her spine yesterday came crashing to the surface. She reached for the sugar plate on autopilot, dragging it over to the cup, and grabbed a teaspoon from the drawer below to place inside of the dish.
Her plan, however, was swiftly halted by Red's standing beside her and stopping her with a firm hand. When Nicky turned her head to stare at the middle-aged Russian, she was greeted with a heavily firm one back. "What are ya doin', ma?" She spoke not much louder than a whisper. The last thing she needed was for Lorna to overhear and become concerned. Better yet, she thought, if Lorna overheard she might turn suspicious and distrustful of her. The thought quickly formed a guilty pang within her chest. It wasn't right for her to use the sugar in place of the Splenda, she knew that. But it scared her having felt protruding bones on Lorna's body. Made her realize how fucking deeply sucked in Lorna was to this eating disorder she had.
Red narrowed her eyes on Nicky. A disapproving mien on her face to see Nicky's hand digging a spoon into the sugar dish knowing full well Lorna specifically requested Splenda. "Better question, Nicky, is what are you doing?" Arms folded sternly over her chest as she held her gaze on her daughter. "That's not Splenda in that dish and you know it. Why are you trying to put sugar in her coffee?"
Chewing uneasily on the side of her mouth, Nicky's feet shifted on the wooden floor beneath them. Shoulders retracted in a shrug, yet, her hand remained with the spoon in the sugar dish. "Ma, look, she won't even know the difference. Please don't say anything. Lorna needs real sugar not that Splenda shit," Nicky muttered, grinding her teeth as she tried to keep her voice low and out of Lorna's earshot. She swallowed hard and momentarily leaned her head back so her eyes peered straight up at the ceiling. "The only reason she wants Splenda over sugar is because Splenda has no calories. Do you see Lorna? She needs the calories, ma. And if I have to pretend I put Splenda in her coffee to make sure she's consuming calories then I will. I don't want my girlfriend to die from starving herself."
Tightening a grip on Nicky's hand, Red shook her head disapprovingly at her. Though she understood the intentions behind such a choice were only out of concern for her girlfriend that certainly hadn't negated from the fact of how wrong it would be to do that to her. She tilted her head while intensifying her stare on the younger girl beside her. "It doesn't matter why she wants Splenda. She specifically asked you to put Splenda in her coffee. It wouldn't be right of you to disregard her request and use the real sugar, would it?" Eyebrows waggled slightly above her highly stern blue eyes.
"No but ma, you don't understand—"
"No, Nicky, no buts. Lorna asked nicely for Splenda. I have packets of it in the drawer right here," Red waved her hand to where she was directing her towards and sighed when Nicky hadn't moved even an inch from her current position. Nicky was definitely, without a doubt, the most stubborn girl she knew. It didn't surprise her much to see Nicky's refusing to abide by the request. She swallowed air and huffed it out in the form of an exasperated breath.
Nicky kept her head facing away from her surrogate mother so she wouldn't be able to see when she rolled her eyes so far back that it wouldn't have been a shock if they got stuck there. Lungs forced out her own draining breath of air and she lifted her free hand up to her forehead where she used it to rub vigorously at one of her temples. Of course she realized Red was right on everything she had said—it wouldn't be fair for her to do something like that to Lorna, even it was only out of worry and love for her. And if she did go forth with using the sugar over the requested Splenda, and Lorna found out, it was likely Lorna wouldn't be very trustful of her for a while. Something she surely didn't want to cause to happen. She needed Lorna's trust otherwise she couldn't successfully help her through this.
A sigh escaped through her throat. Her hand continued rubbing at the temple it rested on while her eyes darted between the sugar dish she still had her other hand with the spoon in and Red who stood a few feet away, now with a couple of yellow Splenda packets in her hand. Why the hell did everything have to be so complicated when it came to Lorna? Lips curved down into a disheartened frown. "How are we ever gonna be able to help the kid when we're enabling her to keep consuming the minimal amount of calories, ma?"
Setting the packets down next to Nicky's hand in the sugar dish, Red's demeanor softened and she placed her now free hand onto Nicky's shoulder. A soothing pat was given to it as she looked into her eyes with a slight sadness lurking in her own. She felt her own shoulders recoil into a shrug. "Well, honey, we're not gonna help her by tricking her. That would only make things worse for her. She wouldn't trust either of us if she found out real sugar was used over the Splenda she'd asked for, right?" Her voice was kept at a level only she and Nicky could hear.
"I understand that ma, I do, but look at her over there," Nicky cried out, using her head as a pointing device as she had it tilted in direction of the oblivious brunette who remained seated at the table. It caused her chest to tighten rather sharply observing how thin Lorna appeared. She swallowed uncomfortably before turning her focus back onto her surrogate mother beside her.
Lines creased on her forehead as her worry and concern grew by the second. "Look how skinny she is. She needs the calories, ma, please just let me do this for her. I'm not doing it to hurt her, I just want her to live. If she keeps choosing little to no calories I'm scared she'll die and I don't want that."
Nodding slowly, Red brought both of her hands up to cup around Nicky's face. It tore heavily on her heartstrings to see how much agony displayed on the face she held in her hands. "I know, Nicky, I know. I know you just want to help her but you can't do what you're wanting right now. It'll make things between you and Lorna strained and you don't want that. Because that would make trying to help her even more of a challenge since she'd be less trusting of you," she tried to carefully explain to Nicky the reasoning behind why she should refrain from substituting sugar for Splenda.
Nicky breathed in and let it exhale. She nodded reluctantly, choosing to abide by Lorna's original request of the zero calorie sweetener despite her reservations on the matter. Once the cup was filled with the swirling golden brown liquid, Nicky carried it back to the table and set it on the surface in front of Lorna. An arm secured itself around her waist upon settling back in the chair beside her. "There ya are, my sweet doll."
Lorna smiled and cradled the mug in her hands, "Thank you, honey."
Chapter Text
Chapter Eighty-Seven
It was a reluctant—heavily hesitant—decision for Red's allowing Lorna to attend school only a day after being in the hospital, however, she knew if anything were to go wrong, she'd be there to assist her.
Once the car had pulled up to the school's parking lot and into an empty spot, Lorna felt a smile form its way onto her face. She was more than thrilled to be going back to school. Not because she actually enjoyed it but more so because she just wanted her life to get back to normal. To pretend things were okay for a few hours a day.
The sun shined brightly in the sky as the three of them exited the vehicle. It felt warm on Lorna's face as she lifted her back and took in the sunshine. Her smile only intensified. Maybe today marked the beginning of something new…something better, she thought. She hoped. But then when they made it inside of the school entrance and her eyes searched around the area, reality kicked back in. The smile faded almost instantly at the realization she was likely walking back into her regular life of failing classes and dealing with Annalisa's unrelenting bullying.
Mrs. Reznikov said goodbye to the teens and Lorna watched as she parted ways. Nicky started walking down the opposite hallway and Lorna remained in her position by the doors they'd entered through only seconds ago.
Moving her legs wasn't an option she concluded when she tried to follow behind her redheaded girlfriend and neither one would budge. Breath hitched in her throat and she had no idea what the fuck was going on with herself. It felt like her heart was ready to give out on her. The palpitation of it was so fast she wasn't sure if it wouldn't just burst the hell out of her chest right then and there. Her mouth was raw and painful as she swallowed between trying to take in breaths.
Right away Nicky noticed Lorna's absence beside her, halting her journey to turn and see what the problem was. Mouth curved down into a frown as she caught a glimpse of the troubling look in Lorna's brown eyes. How she appeared frozen with her back merely resting against the frame of the door behind it. She sighed and quickly turned to walk over to her. Hands reaching to cradle around either side of her face.
With Lorna's face securely framed in each of her hands, Nicky peered intensely into her eyes. She tried to use her eyes as a way to gage what was going on with the younger girl. Tried to read her expression to see if there were any visible clues to help her. But it seemed as though Lorna's entire body was trapped in some kind of daze. As if time had come and stopped her from being able do anything. To blink, to move, to talk, to even breathe. Nicky swallowed uneasily and moved her thumb carefully from one cheek to the other.
There remained no movement from Lorna as she did so. A knot settled in the pit of her stomach. Nicky stood in front of her seemingly entranced girlfriend completely and utterly unsure of what to do next. How to bring her out of whatever it happened to be she was in. The only thing she could think to do was lean her face closer to Lorna's until their foreheads melded together and her lips were nearly touching over Lorna's. Gradually, she pressed her lips onto the other's, hoping the sudden yet gentle motion would somehow bring her back to the land of the living.
It took a couple of seconds but the gesture finally worked. Lorna blinked her eyes rapidly and regained feeling throughout her body. She moved her legs a step forward just to make extra sure. Breath resumed rhythmically entering and exiting her lungs at a steady, calm, rate. Hands lifted up and rested on Nicky's that remained pressed onto the flesh of her cheeks. Eyes looked right into the ones that were already staring into hers.
"I don't know what just happened, hon. I felt like I couldn't move or nothin'. It was real weird," Lorna spoke for the first time since the pair had left the house over twenty minutes earlier.
Releasing her hands from Lorna's face, Nicky instead wrapped her arms securely around her waist and brought her out of the way of the entrance to somewhere a little more secluded from other students and teachers. Fingers traced soothingly along the length of Lorna's spine. The tension formed a tight knot in the middle of it and Nicky's hands immediately went to said spot to try and gently massage it away. "Well, babe, I think that might be because ya only had a cuppa coffee before we left, yeah?"
Lorna immediately shook her head but didn't pull away from the taller girl. Instead she let out a sigh and fixed her eyes on a random place on the wall directly in front of her. "I doubt that had anything to do with it, Nicky. I think I just need more coffee is all—"
"I think you just need food is all, Lorna." Nicky rapidly interrupted and corrected the sentence.
She kept her arms around her waist, slowly leading them down the hallway she had starting walking towards just a few minutes prior. By the time they were making the turn into the school's cafeteria, Nicky was already feeling Lorna's body twisting about in protest. She stopped once they were inside the room and let go of Lorna's waist but to keep her from running away she grabbed both of her hands in her own. Her eyes held their intense gaze on Lorna's, a frown taking shape upon her face.
Thumbs soothingly pressed into the flesh of each hand she held, caressing from one side of the palm to the other. "If you wanna manage school today, Lorna, you're gonna have to eat something. I know that's not something you want to do but it's not a choice. You have to eat or I'll take you to ma and have her call your sister to come get you."
Sucking her lower lip inside, Lorna stood with her shoulders subtly raising up to the sides of her face. Feet shifted against the tiled-floorboards beneath them. It wouldn't be wise for her to argue with Nicky over the request—the highly reasonable request, she swallowed unnervingly. She was supposed to make sure Nicky believed she was doing better, to stop her from worrying incessantly. A sigh escaped as her mind contemplated on how to proceed.
It didn't take too long to convince herself it was in both her and Nicky's best interests if she kept her mouth zipped and abided by the older teen's request. Her head nodded despite her mind's silent outrage at the decision she settled on. The decision that went against every last moral she held close inside. The decision that made her self-loathing part of her even angrier, guiltier. But she did her best to ignore the opposing thoughts. In the long run the decision would prove to be the right one. The one that would give her the power to secretly retain her behaviors again.
Nicky was initially taken aback by Lorna's easy acceptance of the request but quickly regained her composure and gently grabbed a hold of her hand, leading her fully into the cafeteria to the food-line all the way at the back—or front depending on the way one entered the room. The line was merely empty with the time being near seven thirty already, which made going through it quite swift. She watched as Lorna cautiously, shakily, grabbed a granola bar from one of the shelves.
They went through the check-out line where Lorna paid for the item and after, Nicky led them back out of the cafeteria and towards one of girl's restrooms. Figuring it might make Lorna feel more at ease eating in a private stall than the open room of their high school cafeteria. At least sitting in the stall with Nicky she wouldn't have to worry of being judged. The last thing Nicky would ever do would be to judge Lorna's eating anything.
The two settled in the biggest stall and Nicky latched the lock so no one could come in after them. She turned away from the stall door and caught sight of Lorna crouching down on the floor, allowing her back to press up against the brick wall behind it. Nicky quickly went to join her, throwing her arms protectively around her waist. Lips brushed tenderly atop her head as she rubbed her hands along either of Lorna's arms. "What kind did ya get, doll?"
Lorna stroked her thumb over the wrapper of her bar while turning her head to peer back up at Nicky. "I don't know, I just picked one because I couldn't think about it."
"That's okay, kid. It was probably smart a ya to do that. You don't need to be stressin' yourself out over these things," Nicky warmly agreed, her voice soothing into one of Lorna's ears.
Arms pulled the brunette closer so that she was resting on Nicky's lap now with her head merely pressing into her chest. Chin naturally rested on the top of Lorna's scalp, fingers combing through the dark brown hair that spilled out from it. It wasn't hard for her to feel just how tense Lorna was right there in her arms. Such a sensation left a bitter taste in her mouth. Formed a pang in her chest. She couldn't imagine the mental fatigue Lorna went through each time she had to eat something—fuck, Nicky was thankful she didn't have to know what that was like. And so terribly did she wish Lorna didn't have to know, either.
Several minutes passed before Lorna found it within herself to finally rip open the packaging of the granola bar. It made her feel pathetic the anxiety such a simple task left her with. A simple task that no one else would likely think twice about. Yet, a simple task that she did think twice, three and four times about. But she opened it after the fourth time. The bar pressed into her hand's palm. Nerves grew more intense by the second. Eyes examined the bar closely, mentally counting each tiny spec of granola that made the whole thing up.
She lifted it to her nose and sniffed its scent. Head nodded and she twisted it to look up at Nicky, "I think I got a caramel one. Smells like it anyway." Shoulders bounced up nonchalantly to the sides of her face as she brought her focus right back onto the food item in her hand. With the use of her thumb and pointer finger, Lorna cautiously ripped a small sliver off of the bar.
Nicky rubbed a hand soothingly along the length of her spine as she watched her girlfriend's clear struggle. Breath escaped her lungs but hitched inside of her throat slightly before expelling back out into the air. "Yeah? Do ya like caramel flavored granola bars, doll? If ya don't we can go get one ya do like. You deserve to enjoy what you eat," her voice murmured softly into one of her ears. Tips of her fingers running up and down the spine her hand remained protectively pressed onto.
"You're sweet, hon," the younger teen murmured back, raising her head once again so her lips could easily plant themselves on the corner of Nicky's mouth. Her free hand was placed around one of Nicky's cheeks, palm stroking soothingly around it. "But I think I'm okay with the caramel. It smells nice, like a caramel latte almost. Maybe it'll taste like one too, you think so?"
"It might, babe. Try that piece in your hand and let me know, yeah?"
A visible gulp was seen traveling down Lorna's esophagus. She gave a timid nod while bringing the hand which held the ripped off piece of granola slowly up to her mouth. It took a few sniffs of the item before Lorna's hand gradually placed it into her slightly tremoring open mouth. Teeth uneasily gritted themselves into the granola, slowly chewing away on it until it dissolved into nothing. A relieving breath exhaled from her lungs as she swallowed the miniscule crumbs down.
But then her eyes ventured over to what remained on the palm of her hand and a large, deep, knot formed in the pit of her stomach. There was sill quite a big slab of the bar left. She had no clue how the hell she would manage the rest of it. She sighed, but the sensation of Nicky's hand moving gently up and down her back brought a small comfort to her. Naturally, her body relaxed against the touch and she let her head lean all the way back until it was resting right underneath Nicky's chin.
The scent of Nicky's perfume immediately wafted through her nose which made her nuzzle even closer. Lorna let her empty hand lift up and cup around the side of Nicky's face. Though her body was riddled with anxiety towards having to finish the rest of that damned bar, having Nicky with her made it a little less dreary. Lifted a slight weight from her shoulders to know she wasn't alone. Which fully came as a surprise to her after the events of the previous evening—she wholeheartedly expected Nicky to leave her following what she had begged of her to do. Of course Nicky was just as stubborn as herself, so, she didn't listen and leave her. But she should have, or rather, she should have forced Lorna to go home last night. Lorna knew it was what would have been best for the pair of them, even more so for Nicky.
However, despite the mental arguing, Lorna kept the thoughts to herself. Now was not the time nor the place to be discussing any of that with Nicky. She huffed out a breath and squeezed her eyes shut as she pressed her head further into Nicky's neck. The one place that always encompassed her with love and security. Something she needed if she was going to power through and finish that granola bar right now, she thought.
"How's it taste, Lorna?" Nicky broke the silence with a softly asked question. Fingers rubbed tenderly along the length of Lorna's spine while her chin pressed atop the head resting under it. Having Lorna against her, feeling her finally relax, washed her with a wave of warmth. Albeit having no fucking clue how she could make eating easier, she was at the least grateful she could provide her with comfort during the process. At least holding and cuddling her was something she could easily take part in. Made her feel a little less helpless.
Shoulders raised up a bit as Lorna reopened her eyes and stared straight ahead at the creamed colored stall door. It was obvious by looking at it how old and worn out the door was becoming. Faded pen marks could easily be observed the longer an individual gazed at it. Her attention was soon shifted by the sensation of a highly strong wad of saliva sitting at the tip of her mouth. She swallowed it thickly away, returning her stare down at her lap which happened to be intertwined with Nicky's. Both of their legs sprawled together against the cold tile floor.
"It tastes okay. Kinda tastes like a caramel latte but in bar form," Lorna muttered while huffing out a saddened breath. Eyes fell onto her hand resting on her thigh, the remaining bar still pressed into its palm. She curled her fingers around it and stroked her thumb along each small grain. The uneasiness growing by the second. A sigh escaped as she shook her head distastefully at herself.
Why did she have to make a big production out of something so damn simple? It was a measly fucking granola bar, not fucking Mt. Everest. She wasn't hiking some steep mountain or trying to figure out some challenging calculus equation. All she had to do was eat the remaining portion of the bar she held in her hand. It didn't have to be this hard, she told herself. It really fucking didn't. But regardless of whether or not it needed to, it was. It was hard, very fucking hard. Lorna couldn't bring herself to finish the rest. And what was left barely took up her entire hand. Yet, she found putting it in her mouth to be the utmost challenge.
Nicky watched in silence. Her heart becoming heavier the longer she did so. How did Lorna live like this day in and day out? How could anyone live like this? The questions plagued through her mind. She couldn't even begin to imagine the toll living like this would take on anyone's mental well-being. No wonder Lorna's poor spine seemed to be riddled with so many knots. It wasn't healthy the way she lived her life. The way she could barely get through a small granola bar without excruciating trepidation and stress.
It hurt to watch. It hurt even more to watch and not know what she could do to make it any easier. This wasn't fair, wasn't right. Why should anyone have to struggle so much with something that was so clearly needed to survive? Nicky swallowed hard, moving her arms from Lorna's back and placing a hand on either one of her arms. She stroked along them with the tips of her fingers, nuzzling her chin tenderly against the scalp of her head it rested atop of.
"I love you, Lorna, and I'm proud of you for eating it. I know it's so hard for you. I wish there was more I could do to help ya through this. It breaks my heart to see how much you're struggling with this," Nicky murmured, brushing her fingers all along each of Lorna's arms. And she meant each word she spoke with her entire being. There wasn't anything she desired more in that moment than to be able to properly help Lorna through this struggle. To find a way to make it less painful, less of a fight. But the more her mind dwindled on it the more she realized she would never be able to fully help her through this. Not on her own, anyway. Lorna needed her therapists' assistance, needed to keep meeting with her and maybe at some point she'd be able to get Lorna past this entirely.
At least that was what Nicky so desperately hoped would happen. Lorna deserved to be free from this, to be free and able to live her life normally. To live a life where she didn't have to constantly fear food, overthink every little bite. Overthink every little thing when it came to her body, to her worthiness, whether or not she was deserving of anything even remotely good. Nicky longed for all of that to one day vanish. A sigh escaped her as she squeezed Lorna close, pressing her lips lovingly along the top of her head.
Lorna sighed and nuzzled herself closer to her girlfriend's warm embrace. Her hand that once rested on Nicky's cheek moved away to grab a hold of one of her hands. A warm, tender, squeeze was given to the hand and slowly it was raised up to her face where her lips lovingly pressed against its flesh. "You're already doing enough, hon. Your love and support is good enough, please don't stress yourself out over it. This isn't your pain to deal with, you don't have to take any of it on. Please," she softly pleaded, giving a second kiss to the hand she held before she set it on her lap and kept it covered with her own.
Thumb soothingly caressed from one side to the other. Eyes gazed up onto the angelic face of her girlfriend and a rush of warmth gushed through her. The compassion Nicky unconditionally showed to her was something unlike anything she had ever experienced in her life. Nicky never ceased to amaze her with how much love and affection she shared. Shoulders huffed out in correspondence with a sharp breath.
The motion was gently kept up with as she held her stare on the other, "You don't gotta try so hard, Nicky. I love you and having you by my side means more to me than anything. I just, I really appreciate how patient you are with me even if I don't always seem to be. You're real sweet and I'm so lucky to have ya."
Head tilting down, Nicky returned Lorna's stare with a soft one of her own. She reached her other hand to cradle around one of Lorna's cheeks and smiled warmly. "I'm always gonna be here for you, doll. I love you so fucking much and I just want to make sure you get through this. You deserve to make it to the other side, Lorna. You really do."
The middle of the day came swiftly much to Lorna's surprise. The morning flew by without a hint of a problem, she gratefully realized when her eyes glanced at the clock on the wall of her science class's room and read it was merely one o'clock. No one even paid her a second glance much for what she was thankful for. Not even Annalisa had tried to instigate her. However, as her eyes squinted while peering around the room, she noticed Annalisa wasn't even anywhere to be found. That was rather shocking. Where the hell could the snake of a blonde be? Her mind flooded with questioning thoughts.
It should have been a relief to know she wouldn't be bothered by Annalisa for an entire school day, and yet, Lorna still felt a sense of an unease towards the whole situation. Like if she spent too much time feeling relieved that somehow Annalisa would find out and randomly appear in front of her. She would have chuckled if she hadn't truly believed that would actually happen. God was she fucking pathetic, she thought. Or maybe she was just completely and utterly insane.
Either way she sat frozen in her desk chair despite the ringing of the bell's signifying the class had ended. She didn't move until a teacher approached her and tapped the metal surface of the desk to gain her focus. When her eyes shifted up onto the culprit of said noise, lines creased onto her forehead as she caught sight of the school counselor. What on earth was she doing hovering over her desk for? Lorna's eyes squinted upon the pondering question tearing through her mind.
"Hey," Mrs. Mendoza's voice softly greeted, eyes gazing concerningly down at the young teen. "Are you doing okay, Lorna? Why don't you come to my office with me, yeah?"
Lorna's eyes squinted even harder, eyebrows curving puzzlingly over each one. The harder she stared the more confused she got. How the hell did Mrs. Mendoza even know what class to find her in? But after a minute of thinking further on said matter, she realized how stupid of a question that was. Of course, Mrs. Mendoza was the school counselor who likely had access to all of the students' schedules. No wonder she was currently standing in front of Lorna's desk asking that very question.
Regardless, Lorna shuddered and lifted her shoulders in a shrug. What she wanted was for the day to end so she could catch the bus to her sister's house and see what the hell was the hold-up with the damn legal guardianship shit. But instead of voicing anything aloud she kept her mouth sealed and decided on silently jumping up from her seat to follow behind Mrs. Mendoza down to her office.
Once they arrived in through the door of it, Lorna settled herself on the usual chair she picked closest to the stained-glass window. Her head turned just enough so that her eyes could peer out through the glass of the window. Sunshine easily poured through it, landing just shy of her face. She could still feel its heat encompass her body and a breath naturally escaped from her lungs. It was a comforting sensation she needed in that moment. Brought her a small peace of mind.
Gloria situated herself in her desk-chair, taking her reading glasses from their spot on her desk's surface and placing them back onto her face in order to be able to better see her surroundings. The chair squeaked faintly as she turned in it to grab her cup of coffee from earlier, bringing it up to her lips for a long-desired sip of it. Once she was done and satisfied, she set it back aside and brought her attention over onto Lorna.
Her eyes searched the young teen thoroughly over, head innately nodding as she did so. Clearly the young girl was still heavily under-nourished and the brief hospital stay she had didn't do much to help in that aspect. A sigh whistled its way from windpipe. She crossed one leg over her other and turned her head back to the computer screen in front of her. Scrolling quietly through her emails from the past few hours. "A couple of your teachers emailed me to let me know they had some concern over you," she informed the brunette while glancing slightly up over the bulky computer monitor.
Legs kicked at the ground underneath them. Lorna puffed her shoulders out with an exasperated breath. What was she supposed to do about that? It wasn't her fault her teachers felt any type of way about herself, she thought. She didn't tell them to be concerned or worried so why should it matter to her if that's how any of them felt? The sound of a bird's flying into the window suddenly jolted Lorna from her head and she twisted herself to stare in its direction.
It was difficult to see the bird through the colorful stained-glass of the window but its silhouette was there and after a couple of minutes, the shadow faded away. Lorna swallowed uncomfortably and reluctantly looked back over at the school counselor who's eyes hadn't moved from where they were staring throughout the entire ordeal. "I don't know what ya want me to say. I'm fine, I just—I'm fine," Lorna assured, letting a finger trace along the blue plastic of the chair her body resided atop of.
Nodding her head, though she didn't believe it fully, Mrs. Mendoza clicked on an email so it lit up the entirety of the computer screen. "Your English teacher emailed me and said you spent the majority of the class staring at one very specific spot on the chalkboard right next to her desk. She also said she swore you didn't blink or move an inch once," the middle-aged Hispanic counselor shared with Lorna, using her finger to help guide her reading of the message on the monitor.
Swore she didn't blink or move an inch? Lorna couldn't resist the chuckle that escaped her upon hearing such an absurd observation by one of her own teachers. What a fucking odd thing for a teacher to email a school counselor about, she thought. What was this teacher thinking when she had done such a thing? Lorna couldn't figure it out but chuckled even more. She threw her hands up in the air looking right at Mrs. Mendoza, "I don't know what I did in my English class. I mighta been staring into space but what's so concerning about that? Why did she make such a big deal about it?"
"Well, Lorna, you just got out of the hospital yesterday. We just want to make sure you're okay enough to be in school today. Was there a reason you were put in the hospital for so many days? Did your doctor clear you to come back so soon?"
Lorna swallowed uneasily, the more questions thrown her way the more uncomfortable she became. Palms of her hands quickly grew clammy with sweat as she rested them in her lap. She felt like she was on a twenty-question game show or some shit with how much Mrs. Mendoza seemed to be interrogating her. "I'm fine. I just I just passed out when I had therapy last Wednesday and Dr. Washington kinda overreacted is all. I don't really think there was any good reason why I was in that damn hospital to begin with."
Yet again Lorna proved how she happened to be the most stubborn, resistive, student Mrs. Mendoza had ever counseled. It wasn't even that it frustrated her, it was more of a heart-shattering sensation Gloria felt each time Lorna tried to convince her nothing was wrong. It were as if Lorna didn't think she deserved for others to know she was so desperately struggling. So desperately looking for a way out even though she also didn't appear to want out of it. As if Lorna truly believed she deserved to suffer, to constantly be in pain. She normalized it, Gloria sadly feared.
"Hmm, you passed out?" Gloria quirked an eyebrow and Lorna slowly nodded her acknowledgement. A breath inhaled through her nose as she mirrored the nod with one of her own. "Well, honey, if you passed out you're not exactly fine. People don't just pass out for no reason. And clearly, Dr. Washington felt that, too, otherwise she wouldn't have had you sent to the hospital. Right?"
Lorna raised a hand to her forehead, running it nervously through her thick brown waves. "Dr. Washington also claims I have some eating disorder, which is so not true. So I think she's confused."
Upon hearing that disclosure Gloria shook her head solemnly, "Lorna, you do have an eating disorder. You can't keep denying it."
Chapter 89
Notes:
Thank you so much to everyone who is still reading this and taking the time to leave kudos. I appreciate that very much!
Chapter Text
Chapter Eighty-Eight
"Denying that you have an eating disorder when you clearly have an eating disorder is not going to make it so you don't have one," Mrs. Mendoza did her best to get her point across. Her heart felt heavy to hear and see how adamant Lorna was on the topic. How much she tried to convince not just everyone else but even herself that she didn't have an eating disorder when her physical appearance blatantly said otherwise. The mindset she had to be in to constantly deny the truth desperately had to have been wearing on her mental health. There was not a single doubt in Gloria's mind that that's exactly what it was doing to her.
Frustrated hands were lifted up to the sides of Lorna's head, she used them to roughly push back at her fallen hair. "No, I don't have a fucking eating disorder. I'm sick a everyone saying I do. I ate a granola bar today, so, I'm fine. And I had a sandwich yesterday you can even ask Nicky, she saw me fucking eat it," the words tore angrily from her throat, irritation inflected heavily through her tone and voice. It felt like she was incessantly being ganged up on by people who were supposed to be on her side. But clearly none of them really were or they wouldn't make shit up like with this eating disorder bit.
The pang in Gloria's chest intensified each time Lorna denied the truth that was right in front of all of them. She had a longing to comfort her with a motherly embrace, or a gentle pat of the back but she refrained from doing either of those things. Instead, she reached for her coffee and took a long sip before returning it to its original spot. A sigh came through her airway as she sat cross-legged on the leather desk chair pushed into her desk. Eyes looking precisely over Lorna's whole appearance.
Dark circles were fresh under her brown, saddened, eyes while the flesh of her face was so pale she could have resembled the reflection of a ghost or a corpse. As morbid as that was. Gloria sighed. If things kept on the way they were she feared Lorna might actually become a corpse. And a realization such as that only furthered the tightness in her chest. This eating disorder Lorna kept denying was slowly and tortuously killing her.
"All ya had today was a granola bar, huh? And you only ate one sandwich the entire day yesterday?"
Lorna nodded while folding her arms defensively over her chest, unsure of where Mrs. Mendoza was going with this.
Mirroring her position, Gloria nodded her head as well and exhaled a deep breath. "You cannot survive on a granola bar a day or a sandwich a day, Lorna. That is starving yourself. You aren't consuming even close to what a person needs just to function in one day, do you know that? Do you know what a person needs to eat in order to just be able to breathe and do normal every day activities?"
Each word made the frustration exaggerate itself within Lorna. She clasped her hands together in the middle of her lap, slamming them between her thighs. Her rather flabby thighs she easily took note of now that her eyes were peering down at them. All this excess skin and people were claiming she was starving herself? The accusations were laughable really. She couldn't comprehend how anyone could even think such an absurdity when it was obvious her body was riddled in fat.
"None a that even matters to me right now. Why did ya make me come down here? I don't understand…is it just because my teacher thinks I'm crazy or something?" Fingers anxiously tapped along the palm of the hand she clasped her other against. She had no desire to waste any more time sitting in this office arguing over something she knew wasn't true of herself. There was no convincing her otherwise. She knew herself better than anyone else did and if she truly had an eating disorder—which she did not—she would be the first to realize that.
This girl was mere impossible was a thought that instantly ran through the middle-aged woman's face directly upon hearing Lorna's response. How she had the energy to keep going with the denial was beyond Gloria's comprehension. That much was for sure. The mental gymnastics that had to have been going on in her head was exhausting enough just to think about. Gloria couldn't imagine what it was like to actually go through. She reckoned she never truly would understand what it would be like to go through and for that she was immensely grateful.
However, as she peered through the lenses of her glasses, she could see the fatigue hiding within Lorna's brown eyes. Which easily contradicted everything the girl assured her of. "First of all nobody is calling you crazy, Lorna. Your teachers were worried about you so they reached out to me and that's why you're here now. So we can talk about what's been going on lately. How do ya expect to get through your classes when you're hardly able to take care of yourself?"
"I never said I can't take care a myself," Lorna cried out, releasing her hands from between her thighs and lifting them up to fold defensively over her chest with.
"You didn't have to," Mrs. Mendoza softened her voice when she realized how deeply flustered the young teen appeared to be getting. Eyes followed suite, softening as they cautiously held their gaze on Lorna's face. "It's clear from your appearance that you haven't been taking proper care of yourself, honey. You're struggling and everyone can see that. Your friends, loved ones, teachers. You're the only one who isn't admitting it. Why is that, Lorna? Why is it so hard for you to just admit you're struggling and you need help? What's stopping you?"
Despite every last part of what was said being completely true, Lorna shook her head in refusal. Anger surged through each of her veins. Why the hell did everyone else feel it was their place to tell her what she was or wasn't? What she felt or what she didn't? Why did everyone around her think it was their place to make assumptions on her behalf—her fucking health? The more her mind pondered with these questions the angrier she grew. The more she wanted to just scream until her lungs fell right the fuck out.
This was her life; no one had the right to tell her anything about how she felt or question the truth she spoke of herself. It made her teeth grind heavily together to be thrown such mind-boggling queries. Questions that made her want to scream so loud that even the dead would be able to hear her. An exasperated breath sounded through her windpipe. Feet shuffled uneasily against the cold tile floor beneath them. "Because I'm not struggling. The only thing I'm struggling with is my fucking grades. But apparently my teachers are too busy talking shit about me behind my back to care to help me pass their stupid, dumb, classes. I wish I didn't even come back. Today has been the most pointless day ever. I hate this school."
"Oh Lorna," Gloria said with a disheartened sigh. It felt impossible to get through to the young teen. No matter how hard she pried Lorna only pushed harder and harder away. "How about a cup of tea, yeah? I can see you're getting more and more upset, I think a little tea might help. Would ya like that?"
"What I would like is to fucking not be here anymore. Everything sucks. Every fucking thing sucks."
Mrs. Mendoza said no more and went to work at preparing a cup of tea despite not receiving a diligent answer. Only a matter of minutes went by before the tea was finished and she was carrying it over to the highly disheveled brunette. She sat down on one of the plastic chairs beside her, setting the tea on the little table next to Lorna before reaching that same hand over to softly place on one of her shoulders. A gentle, soothing, pat was given to it as her eyes gazed softly into the brown ones across from her.
"It's okay to admit you're going through a rough time right now. You don't have to keep putting up this brave front, sweetie. You've been dealing with a lotta shit this entire year, you don't have to hide it. You don't have to bury yourself like you always seem to be doing," Gloria delicately assured the younger girl. Thumb tracing slowly from one side of her shoulder to the other.
Lorna's head shook quite violently after hearing the revelation. The last thing she needed was to fucking allow herself to freely fall apart in the presence of anyone else. No one needn't witness her downfall. She didn't even want to witness that. Hands reached for the untouched cup of tea on the small table separating she from Mrs. Mendoza. It was gripped shakily in them, cautiously brought up towards her face. Before she settled on having a sip, she let her eyes gaze into its contents. The aroma hastily traveling up to her nose and encompassing all around it.
Anger set inside as she continued to keep her attention away from the counselor and on her cup of tea. Who the fuck did all these people think they were? Telling her how she felt when it was all fucking bullshit. Complete and utter fucking bullshit. Hands were gripping so tightly onto the ceramic of the mug that her knuckles were beginning to whiten from the lack of blood flow.
The sight did not go unnoticed by Gloria, who watched with unrelenting concern. It made sense to her the building anger in Lorna—nobody liked being faced with the truth. Especially when the truth happened to be something so serious as what Lorna had currently been dealing with. She truly couldn't blame the girl for being so resistive, so hell-bent on denying it all. If she were her, she'd probably go the same path. It was difficult coming to terms with the reality of the situation. Coming to terms with the fact that she wasn't okay and hadn't been for a long time. Lorna likely had been struggling like this for so long that it felt normal to her. The thought caused Mrs. Mendoza's head to sadly shake.
"The tea is lemon ginger. It's one a my favorites. Always good at calming my nerves," Gloria informed her seeing that the brunette's eyes hadn't once looked away from the cup in her hands. Air escaped from her lungs as she continued to watch her. "I understand how hard it is admitting your life is going south, I do. But I promise the longer you deny it the harder it's gonna get."
Fingers naturally tapped against the ceramic of the mug. Lorna wanted so desperately to run the fuck out of the room, even out of the entire building but her body refused to move. Again she felt stuck, frozen. As if her body was somehow glued to the seat beneath her. The only part of her she could effectively move was her head which she did with a disgruntling shake. "What do ya mean ya understand? Do you really or are ya just sayin' that to be nice? Because I have a real good feelin' ya don't know what it's like to," her voice swiftly drifted off at the end when she realized what she was about to allow herself to disclose.
Mrs. Mendoza crossed one leg atop the other while keeping her gaze on the student beside her. A sigh tumbled out of her as she pondered over the query being asked of her. It wasn't information she shared with many people, especially not any of the students, but given the circumstance she thought it might be of benefit for Lorna to hear it.
So, with a final exhale of air, Gloria turned in the chair she sat and placed a comforting hand on one of Lorna's shoulders. Eyes peered directly into Lorna's, easily noting the slight pain that was desperate to show itself despite the teen's refusal to allow such a thing. The sight brought about a familiarity to Gloria. At one point in her life she could fully relate to the stubbornness Lorna displayed now. She could understand how much easier it was to stay in denial than to face the problems head-on.
"I really do understand, Lorna. I know what it's like to go through difficult circumstances and how incredibly easy it is to deny what's going on. It's much easier to ignore them and pretend everything's okay—pretend that you're okay when really it's quite the opposite," Mrs. Mendoza carefully started off, letting her fingers slowly circulate around the shoulder it gently rested atop of. A breath came out before she could continue speaking. "I had once been in a relationship with a man who constantly mistreated me. For years it went on and I was like you in that I just denied the reality of it, even convinced my friends and family how happy I was. How good things were."
Shifting her legs unnervingly, Lorna moved her eyes away from the searing stare Mrs. Mendoza had been giving her and focused them on a spontaneous spot on the wall straight ahead of her. Out of instinct, she reached for her cup of tea and sipped it slowly. Distracting herself from the conversation. The conversation that she felt was just another way for the counselor to use as a tactic to get her to open up. Little did she know how unsuccessful said attempt would be.
Swallowing the warm mixture of lemon ginger flavor, Lorna sighed and kept the cup gripped tightly in her hands which were placed between her legs. "But I was never in a relationship with a boy nor have I ever been mistreated. I don't know what you're tryna to get at here but it's not gonna work. I have nothin' to say, Mrs. Mendoza," the brunette muttered, bouncing her shoulders up in a forceful shrug. Feet faintly kicked at one of the metal rods that kept the chair upright on the ground.
Nodding, Gloria gestured a hand in the air as she went on with her original purpose of sharing this with her. "You may not have been in a relationship with a boy but you have been mistreated, Lorna. By your father, yeah? Isn't that what got you in the foster system to begin with? He was chasing you and Nicky with a gun. And that, alone, is a traumatizing ordeal but on top of everything else—"
"Everything else? What are ya talkin' about? I never said anything to you about anything else that you think may or may not have happened," Lorna quickly interjected, curving an inquisitive eyebrow over her eye.
"I've been in contact with your therapist, Lorna, I don't know exactly what you've been through but I do know you've been caused pain by people in your own family. You don't have to talk about it right now if you're not ready, but I want you to know that I'll be here to listen when you are. I know how hard it is dealing with abuse, Lorna, and the more you try to hide it the harder it'll be to move past it. You'll end up stuck in this vicious cycle where all you can do is continue denying everything and take it out on yourself because you're so hell-bent on thinking you deserve no one's sympathy or help or care."
No one was supposed to relate to her, Lorna irritatingly thought. No one she knew was supposed to truly understand what it was like to go through what she had. She didn't want to talk to someone who could understand and empathize with her behaviors, her decisions, but yet here she sat in the school counselor's office listening to her proclaim exactly what she didn't want to hear. A sigh escaped while her mind pondered on what do next, whether she should respond or keep her focus elsewhere.
The resistance hadn't much of shocked Mrs. Mendoza. At this point it was expected. Lorna didn't want to face up to the truth. Right now that seemed to be impossible for her to do, Gloria concluded through numerous observations. Numerous trials and tribulations. Each of them landing right back to the same result of continuous pushing anyone who dared tried to break the wall down away. It appeared that no one would ever successfully get through to Lorna.
To any other counselor, the same conclusion might have made it easy for them to just throw in the towel and consider Lorna a loss cause. A cause not worth fighting for anymore. But none of which Gloria was ready to do. Was even ready to think about doing. She wouldn't give up on helping Lorna mangle her demons for as long as she breathed air on this planet. No matter how challenging, how impossible it seemed. Lorna deserved to be fought for, deserved to have people there to support her through the darkness.
With a sharp breath drawn in through her nose, she patted the shoulder her hand was resting on and gently released her grasp from it. "Coping with the aftermath of the abuse is sometimes a lot harder than the actual abuse. I can attest to that. Once I'd finally gotten outta my abusive relationship, it took a lotta time and therapy before I was able to admit that what I endured was not because I did anything wrong or there was anything wrong with me but because the guy I was with was the problem. He was the one to blame for the mistreatment I'd been put through." Gloria cautiously commented, hoping it would somehow have an impact on Lorna. An impact she hoped would aide in her realization that what she'd endured wasn't her fault but was important to talk about with others.
Lorna swallowed a wad of saliva sitting at the back of her throat and uneasily shifted in the chair she occupied. She bowed her head down, eyes focusing on the cup squished between her hands and thighs. The liquid very lightly sloshed about from one side to the other. It was as if her legs caused a mini earthquake as the cup sat smashed in the middle of them. Watching the movement of the liquid was a mesmerizing occurrence. Lorna could barely take her eyes away from it.
Maybe it was a crutch she was only using to distract herself once more from the issues at hand. Nevertheless, though, her eyes refused to shift away from the cup of sloshing tea. Fingers tapped rhythmically against the ceramic that made up the cup, almost in a trance-like fashion. The tapping calmed her nerves in a way she hadn't expected it to. The more she tapped the better she felt.
Gradually, while still tapping the cup, Lorna deterred her eyes from it and back up across at Mrs. Mendoza. The counselor hadn't once faltered her stare on her, she realized when her eyes were instantly met with hers. Naturally a breath of air expelled from her lungs as she returned Mrs. Mendoza's stare with one of her own. She let one of her hands release itself from the cup and lifted it to her head so she could habitually slick back thick strands of hair from her forehead.
"How long were ya with that guy?" Lorna finally found her voice again and nervously allowed the question to spill out of her. If she turned the conversation onto her counselor maybe it would make her forget about Lorna's issues. At least that was what she had hoped for it to do. The last thing she wanted was to talk about the incident again and have to relive it even further.
That was much better to hear than silence, Gloria concluded. She sighed but gave a sad smile to the younger girl. Even now, many years since it happened, Gloria still found it a bit of challenge to talk about. Which of course made her understand immensely why Lorna was so damn hell-bent on denying her own circumstances. She shook her head as if it would assist her in coming out of her thoughts while switching the leg she had crossed over the other.
"Well, I was about twenty when I first met him and my boys were just toddlers at that time," Mrs. Mendoza began, looking up at the ceiling thinking somehow that would help her recall the timeline of it exactly. It did not and she inwardly chuckled at the absurd assumption. Eyes quickly returned onto Lorna's and the smile on her face only faded slightly. "I was in my early thirties when I finally decided it was in my best interest if I left that relationship behind. It took a lot of energy and will-power for me to even consider leaving him if I'm being honest."
She swallowed the building saliva at the tip of her mouth and paused to take in some much-needed air. Never did Gloria find it easy to let it slip out what happened to her but she hoped doing this would make it less of a challenge for Lorna to do the same thing. What she, herself, had experienced and how the outcome of it affected her, she didn't want anyone else to have go through that as well. To spend years after the fact blaming and hating herself for what happened—making herself believe she was deeply unworthy and undeserving of other's support, other's care—those were all things she loathed for another human to have to deal with. Especially a person as young as Lorna. That was one of the biggest reasons for her unrelenting desire to be there and help Lorna sort through all she'd suffered through.
"I spent a long time after that relationship thinking I was the reason the abuse occurred in the first place. I felt I was the one with the problem and I refused to allow anyone close to me to help. Like how you are with what you're dealing with now. I know it's not entirely the same as what I went through but it's similar," Gloria pointed out, eyes gazing intensely into Lorna's brown ones. Brown ones that clearly still had a plethora of resistance shinning through them. The sight brought a lengthy sigh out of her. Getting through to her was no simple task.
Lorna looked down and traced a finger around the outline of her jeans. Mrs. Mendoza was one of the kindest people she knew and hearing that she had suffered a similar fate twisted the inside of her chest to an extent. A wad of saliva could easily be felt in the back of her mouth which she uncomfortably swallowed down. Someone like the kind-hearted counselor didn't deserve to go through an abusive relationship, didn't deserve to be dealt any bad cards in life. Because, unlike herself, Mrs. Mendoza happened to be a good person.
So, in her mind, it made sense that Mrs. Mendoza earned the right to be given support and affection from other people. The difference between she and Mrs. Mendoza was whether or not they were good people at heart and clearly, Mrs. Mendoza certainly was. All she wanted to do was help people, talk to them about their own issues and find beneficial solutions for them. That deemed her as a good person in Lorna's mind, a good person who was worthy of being supported and discussing with others what she'd gone through. Lorna, however, did not earn that same right because deep down she knew she wasn't good. She was damaged. Damaged people weren't deserving of anyone's affection or love.
School came to an end and Lorna settled on taking the bus to her sister's apartment rather than that of the Chapman's. Not like the Chapmans' would give much of a shit anyway, she rationalized the decision in her mind. The bus was merely pulling into the stop near the apartment complex when Lorna remembered she hadn't even met up with Nicky before leaving the school. However, now wasn't the time to be worrying about that. She quickly got off the bus and walked towards the building she knew Franny resided in.
Only a matter of a few minutes had gone by between getting off the bus and entering inside of the door to Franny's place. The living room was empty as she walked in the front door, she set her school back down to the right of it and kept walking until she made it through to the kitchen. Eyes immediately caught sight of both Franny and Mikey hovering over the counter with mirroring cups of coffee in their hands. And seconds later both of them were turned to look her over.
"Lorn, what're ya doing here?" Franny was the first to question, eyebrows curved ponderously over her blue eyes. She sipped her coffee and then set it onto the Formica surface of the counter she leaned against.
Eyes averted between her two older siblings, both of whom had matching confused expressions etched upon their faces. Lorna swallowed thickly and recoiled her shoulders. Maybe it wasn't the wisest decision she made to show up here instead of the Chapmans' but in all honesty, Lorna didn't really give a shit. She was sick of the Chapmans and how fake they were. How constantly they pretended to care but really, deep down, they hadn't. She couldn't waste anymore time living with them. They weren't doing anything for her other than making her self-loathing even worse.
"I wanted to know if the guardianship has gone through yet. I'm real tired a having to stay with the damn Chapmans," her voice frustratedly cried out as she walked further into the room and pressed her hand onto the rim of the island.
A breath expelled from the older brunette's airway. She couldn't blame Lorna for feeling the way she felt right now. It was frustrating to have to move in with a bunch of strangers who likely only took her in out of craving whatever paycheck the state was giving them for such action. She folded her arms over her chest and looked the younger girl methodically over. "I'm still waiting to hear from the court, hon. I'm sorry—I know this ain't easy on ya. It's not fair, either."
Hands were thrown exhaustively up in the air. "This isn't helping anything having you in the foster system when ya clearly need family. But god forbid the court listens to someone outside a them, right?"
Mikey silently nodded his agreement with his older sister's comment. He still had yet to fully to come to terms with everything that was going on with his sisters. Still barely had a grasp on what the hell their father turned into. It felt like he walked into another dimension when he came home from the army—everything was suddenly different, worse off than before he left over eight months prior. Everything was falling apart with his family and he felt as if it was all his fault. If he hadn't have enlisted in the army maybe things wouldn't be the way they were now.
Maybe he could have been there to stop the abuse his sisters were caused by their own demented father. A sigh escaped him the longer he allowed his thoughts to ponder on it all. There was no use for him to wonder what would have happened had he not enlisted, he told himself—he couldn't go back in time to change his decision. Yet, that still didn't make it any easier to swallow down. The what ifs and what could have been's were seemingly eating him alive; they were all encompassing. So much could be different right now if his decision had also been different.
"When did you apply for this legal guardianship, Fran?" The brunet young adult chimed his way into the conversation with a ponderous query. Eyes shifted over onto Franny, curious to know what her answer would be. He sipped down the rest of the coffee in his hand and placed the empty mug into the sink which was a few steps away from where he'd previously been standing.
Franny followed suit once she'd finished the rest of her coffee and hovered over the sink washing both of their empty mugs as she mentally counted out how many weeks it'd been since she sent the paperwork in. "It's nearing about three weeks now," she stated, holding a few fingers out in front of her as she recalled the timeframe. Her head nodded and she turned it to stare back at the other two, "Yes three weeks exactly on Monday. But that CPS lady claims it could take months before it's granted. So who the hell knows when it'll fuckin' go through."
An irritated groan sounded through Lorna's windpipe as she leaned closer against the island counter and laid her head onto its surface. "I can't last at the Chapman's any longer, I hate it there. Ain't there somethin' we can do to make it get accepted faster?"
The older brunette sighed and once she had both mugs washed, walked her way over to Lorna and placed a comforting hand on her back. "I'll try callin' tomorrow, hon but I can't promise nothin'," she softly told her.
Conversation was interjected by the ringing of Franny's phone in her pocket. She quickly grabbed it and read the caller ID, "It's the hospital callin'." Her face instantly lost its color as she clicked the talk button.
Chapter Text
Chapter Eighty-Nine
Both Mikey and Lorna shared a ponderous glance upon hearing their older sister's revelation. Their shoulders simultaneously shrugged in reflection of one another as they listened to Franny nervously speak her greeting into the receiver of the phone she pressed up against her ear. Lorna picked her head up off the island countertop, staring directly at her older sister the entire time she spoke to whoever happened to be on the other end of that phone. Interest engulfed through her entire body as she listened. Secretly, she hoped the call had to do with their father and that one of the doctors was calling to inform them of his untimely death.
So many of her problems would be solved with the death of Mr. Morello. Though, just thinking such a thought made guilt intensely rise within her. What kind of a daughter wished death on her own father? Fingers pressed up into the flesh of her temples. Mrs. Mendoza was right, she thought, the aftermath of abuse was much worse to deal with than the actual abuse itself. At least when she was being abused she knew what to expect. She knew what was coming each time she disobeyed her father.
But this? Having to struggle with the numerous thoughts, the immense guilt and shame—those were all things she wasn't prepared for. Things she wasn't sure how to properly navigate. She had no idea what was normal and what wasn't anymore. Was it normal to desire a parent's death? She didn't think it was. But did normal people have to put up with dads like the one she had? Dads who constantly reminded them of how much of a damn mistake they were. How the only reason they existed was because of a broken damn condom. Her head shook at the echoing memories. Memories she wished she could have removed from her brain.
Her thoughts were soon halted by the sound of Franny's hand harshly slamming the phone against the countertop next to where she was standing. Lorna rapidly shifted her focus back onto the situation at hand, turning around to peer fiercely at the older woman. Eyes searched thoroughly over the taller brunette's current stance. It didn't take long for her to observe the blatant exasperation being displayed through Franny's tense body language. Arms were tightly crossed over her chest as her blue eyes glared daggers straight ahead of her.
"What's the matter, Fran?" Lorna inquired, voice slightly shaky with nerves. It couldn't be good if Franny was slamming things, she concluded. A defeated sigh forced itself out through her esophagus. That conclusion made it rather clear to her that her hopes of Mr. Morello's passing were nothing more than desirable thinking.
An identical sigh escaped from Franny's throat as the question became absorbed into her ears. Arms tightened on her chest. She shook her head distastefully while intensifying her stare on the wall across from her. "That was dad's fucking doctor," she bitterly yelled out, too angry to remember to keep her voice from displaying it outward. "He called to tell me if dad doesn't receive a liver, he'll die. Not only that but he had the nerve—the fucking nerve to plead with me to get you to donate part a yours, Lorna. Can ya fucking believe that?"
Rage boiled under Mikey's skin hearing such a disturbing statement. The hell kind of doctor tried to beg a patient's child to give up their own healthy organ to save the life of a man who was now probably one of the evilest to live and breathe on this damn planet? He gritted his teeth together to keep in his anger. Anger directed towards their father, nonetheless. The fucking audacity that man had to make his doctor beg for Lorna's liver, he bitterly shook his head. The more he allowed his mind to be consumed with the whole ordeal the angrier he became.
"Screw that fucking doctor and screw dad. Lorna is not giving up any part a her body for him no matter what any dumbass of a doctor says," Mikey quickly responded before Lorna had the chance to voice her thoughts on the matter. He knew if he let her, she'd try to say something about how she was obligated to donate it to him and he wasn't fucking having that. Lorna had no obligation to anyone, especially not their cruel ass father. He turned his head in her direction, letting his eyes search up and down her body as he tried to read what she might have been thinking or feeling in that moment.
Lorna swallowed thickly and turned her head away from her siblings. The disclosure shouldn't have shocked her as much as it had. She should have realized it was too good for her to assume the hospital was only calling to inform them of Mr. Morello's death. But of course not, her frustration reared its head once more, of course the only reason they called was because her father was begging for her damn liver. Tears were forming at the bottom of her eyes, threatening to spill out, yet she refused to allow them to escape. Her head violently shook. If she didn't abide by her father's demands, she'd spend the rest of her life riddled with guilt and be sent to live with her demented uncle. Yet, if she did agree to donate her liver not only would she have to suffer through whatever procedure that would require her to, she'd also be returned to his care after his recovery from the operation. No matter how she looked at, it was a lose-lose situation for her.
Neither option were in her best interest. They both benefited either her father or uncle. Two people she so heavily wished would cease to exist. She wanted to deny her father a liver and watch him suffer to his death. But, even if she went through with that, he would still manage to defeat her in the end. He already advised her of that, she recalled. Assured her that if she refused to donate her liver to him she'd be doomed to live with Uncle George upon his demise. Certainly, that was even worse than having to give up a part of her own organ.
"But, Mikey, if I…if I don't give him mine, he'll end up dying and—and that would be my fault," she finally spoke up, eyes fixing themselves down on the pattern of the countertop her elbows were leaning overtop of. Mentally, she counted each lightly-colored spec that made up the surface. What she responded with was only the truth—she couldn't handle being the fault for their own father's death. She didn't need anymore extra guilt to deal with.
Shaking his head out of protest for what his sister said, Mikey mirrored Franny by crossing his arms over his own chest. Brown eyes staring intensely over in Lorna's direction, watching her rather closely. Surprise was not something he felt after hearing the disclosure Lorna shared with the two of them. He knew she would try to negotiate the choice—a choice she wasn't even old enough to make. A choice that shouldn't even be a fucking choice. No one should have the right to demand his kid sister's fucking liver, he thought. She was barely a teenager, how could a fucking doctor expect for her to be a candidate to donate a part of one of her most vital organs to the very man who abused her? Anger seethed through his teeth. Was this doctor oblivious to said fact or was he just as fucking sadistic as Mr. Morello? Mikey couldn't figure out which one it was but regardless neither reason would make him less spiteful towards the medical professional. The medical professional who clearly had a brain the size of a damn grain of rice.
"You're not at fault for anything, Lorna. And you're not giving any part a your liver to dad, ya hear me?" Mikey sternly said to her, eyes retaining their searing gaze on the youngest brunette.
Throwing her hands frustratingly up in the air, Lorna shook her head in negation to her brother's words. The decision was hers to make. No one else had the right to make choices on her behalf, against her wishes. Even if she utterly agreed with her brother—that she didn't want to give any part of any of her organs to their father. That was the last damn thing she wanted to do. The last damn thing she needed to go through right now. She was already incredibly far behind in school and if she went through with the liver transplant that would only put her further behind. And it wouldn't be long before she truly did have to repeat the ninth grade.
Lines creased onto her forehead. She lifted a hand up and vigorously rubbed at her temples. It felt like she was constantly having things piled up on her. No matter which way she looked or which way she turned another obstacle landed in her path. She could hardly breathe with everything going on—there was too much clogging up her metaphoric windpipe and not enough air. It didn't feel very fair. What the hell did she do in a past life to deserve this now? She truly couldn't understand—couldn't comprehend why this was the life she deserved. Why these were the obstacles she deserved to be faced with. Had she led a previous life where she was the one torturing someone? That was the only plausible explanation for why her life now was going the way it was.
She had to have done something utterly evil to deserve this kind of vengeful life. It was the only thing that helped her to make sense of all of this currently. Was she evil? Is that why her life felt more like hell than a normal life? The more she allowed her mind to wander the more questions she had. The more worries, the more stress, the more fucking anxieties plagued through her. What had she fucking done wrong? What the hell did she do to earn this kind of a life?
The mental fatigue all these questions left her with was exhausting in and of itself. There was no fully coming to terms with it all. No amount of therapy, no amount of counseling that could ever help her understand the reasonings behind her current circumstances. Clearly, she had led a previous life which predetermined her fate in this one now. God was punishing her for past choices, past decisions. That was the only explanation that helped her piece things together in a way that made sense—in a way that helped her to understand why she was constantly faced with such heartrending tribulations.
A lump sat in the back of her throat, she swallowed it down and looked around the kitchen realizing both siblings were staring at her with matching looks of concern upon their faces. She sighed and threw up her hands. "I don't know what to do. I really don't. If I refuse to go through with the transplant, dad dies. But if I do agree, he lives. Personally, I want him to suffer and die. But that makes me just as bad as him, doesn't it? I'm not sure what to do anymore," her voice shook with indecisiveness inflecting through.
Franny shook her head and placed a soothing hand on her back, rubbing it in comforting circles. "You're not anything like dad, hon. Dad's fuckin' pure evil. You, Lorna, you're good. Ya gotta pure heart and you have every right to refuse dad's request. You owe him absolutely nothing. He's the one who owes you. He spent the last three years abusing us but most of it was on you. He's done nothing good for you and I think he deserves to suffer until his death. I don't think you should ever feel like you have to give him anything, Lorn. I really don't and I hate dad for him making you think ya do."
She paused to inhale a breath slowly through her nose so she didn't pass out from not taking in enough oxygen. Anger was boiling through each vein that made up her body. No one should ever feel the way her younger sister did, she deemed. It wasn't right, not one bit, what Lorna had to endure over the past several years. And not only was that not right but hearing her father's disturbing pleads to have Lorna's liver transplanted into him? Oh did that massively intensify her boiled over rage. Teeth were grinding so harshly down on her lower ones she was surprised that hadn't chipped the tops of them right off.
"Lorna, can you look at me please?"
The youngest of the three timidly did as she was requested. Head very cautiously lifted up from the surface of the counter and turned in Franny's direction, eyes peered back at her with a solemnness oozing from her own. "What? What do ya want me to say, Fran? I-I can't take this anymore," her voice barely spoke above a whisper. A pang melded into her chest.
"I know, sweetheart, I know ya can't take any more stress like this. That's why ya needa listen to me and Mikey when we tell ya not to give into dad's demands, okay? You owe him absolutely nothing. He got himself into this mess and he has to pay the consequences. And if the consequence is his life then it's his life. But this mess is not your responsibility to clean up. Please, Lorn, please don't think that it is. I don't want you to be blaming yourself over anything that happens with dad. And I certainly don't think it's at all okay for you to have undergo some serious medical procedure just because dad's begging for ya to."
Mikey nodded his head firmly to each word Franny commented. None of this situation made any bit of sense to him. Why did their father have something against Lorna? And why did he find it to be perfectly permissible to try to coax her into giving up a part of a vital organ? Mr. Morello had to be the most sadistic human to exist on this planet. At least out of everyone Mikey knew. "Lorna, you're not letting dad have any part of you. I'm sorry but this isn't a choice. You don't understand the magnitude of what it's like having a part of your liver taken from you and I don't think you should be allowed to agree to an operation you hardly even understand. You're underage, anyway, mom would be the one making the decision for you and she would say hell no. Mom would never ever allow you to be cut into to save a person who fucking spent years intentionally hurting you," he pointed out, tone highly stern but a softer volume to let Lorna know it wasn't her who his anger was meant for.
"Mom would be absolutely horrified to know what's going on in our family right now." Franny muttered under her breath.
Head shook with fury. Mrs. Morello couldn't stand their father's drunken rages the past few years, that much Franny had observed and concluded. And had she been alive today, knowing what he was doing to Lorna, she could hardly imagine what her mother would do to him. It certainly wouldn't be a pretty sight, she knew. Mrs. Morello refused to allow anyone to hurt any of her children. A sigh escaped Franny while her thoughts pondered; most of the arguments she recalled hearing her parents have were over Mr. Morello's coldness towards the three of them.
The pondering made her suspicion harden itself. Made her wonder if their mother's backlash towards their father may, in some way, have led to her death. It seemed a little too coincidental now that she really thought back on everything. She remembered overhearing them—just weeks before her mother's cancer diagnosis—having a heavily heated discussion about the uncle George incident. How if her mother even thought of going to the police she heard her father assure her he would make her deeply regret such a decision. Now, the fact that right after said discussion, Mrs. Morello became ill with cancer seemed extremely suspicious in Franny's eyes.
Something didn't add up, she thought. But quickly shook her head at herself. Now was not the time to be playing detective. Now, she and Mikey had to do their best to make sure Lorna didn't give into their father's incessant begging. She could worry about the suspicious passing of their mother once the current situation was successfully resolved.
All the mention and talk of their mother only intensified Lorna's irritation. She bit down on the side of her mouth and looked angrily up at the ceiling. The only person who should be alive right now was their mother, she thought. Their mother was the one who should be decided upon on receiving a life-saving liver. Certainly not their father who had done nothing even half as good as what Mrs. Morello had done. Hell, there weren't any good bones in Mr. Morello's body. He wouldn't know what good was if it fucking slapped him right in the face. Lorna shook her head distastefully at the mental comments her brain was spewing out.
Slowly, she reemerged from her mind and looked back between her two older siblings. Hands were motioned randomly in the air as she tried to hold in all the swirling fury that appeared to be consuming her whole. "Mom should be the one receiving a new liver right now. It's not fair that she died and dad has a chance to keep living. I want to sacrifice dad to have mom back," Lorna cried out, shoulders bouncing forward to match her whirling emotions.
Both siblings nodded. It shouldn't be the way it was right now. The evil parent alive and given a possible second chance while the parent who fought for them was spending the rest of eternity decomposing six-feet under the fucking ground. So much that was currently going on shouldn't be, Mikey affirmed in his mind. Their father's abuse, gun-chasing his own daughter just because she was with another girl, all the shit that apparently went down with their uncle only four years prior—none of that should have been happening at all. Family shouldn't be viciously and purposefully trying to hurt other family members. That shouldn't even need to be something that was said, Mikey thought, that was just a universal knowing. Clearly his father and uncle were missing several of their brain cells to not know such a rule.
"You're one hundred percent right, Lorn. Mom deserves to be the one given this second chance, she did everything she could for us and she'd be so damn pissed to know what's going on. What the hell dad's putting you through right now," the older sister stated her agreement.
Air silently expelled from her lungs as she peered straight ahead at the archway leading back out to her living room. Having a father who spent the majority of the past few years mentally and physically abusing she and Lorna while also consuming copious amounts of alcohol now pleading for his own youngest daughter's liver made every last one of her organs twist and turn inside of her. To have the audacity to do something like that only continued to prove to Franny how utterly evil and cruel their father was.
Lorna bounced her shoulders up against the sides of her face the same time she gestured her hands up in the air. "I hate dad and I'm fucking sick of everything. Nothing is fair, I don't understand why it's me that everything bad is happening to," she exasperated, circulating her hands randomly out in front of her. It felt unnerving speaking her thoughts aloud with her siblings present. Something she normally refrained herself from doing when other people were around but now she had no chance of holding it in. Her body had a mind of its own and she felt unable to control it.
She fully removed herself from resting over the counter of the island and started angrily pacing through the kitchen. The movement she hoped would slowly ease away some of the boiling fury that appeared to be wholly consuming her in that particular moment. Anger and irritation from the counseling session only grew stronger now upon hearing the revelation from her father's doctor. It shouldn't have come across as shocking as it had but it did, regardless.
Eyes darted vastly through the room the faster she paced. Her heart picked up speed with each step she took and the tightness in her chest could be equated to that of a five ton elephant stomping atop of it. None of this made anything better or her agitation lesson she quickly concluded but she couldn't just stand around and do nothing. At least pacing gave her something to occupy herself with.
"Hon, sit down at the island and I'll get ya a cuppa coffee okay?" Franny delicately requested pointing a hand in direction of said stool tucked into the island countertop. Worried lines were heavily creased to her forehead as she watched Lorna pace around a few more times before finally giving in and taking a seat at the spot Franny suggested.
While Lorna situated herself, reluctantly, Franny went over to fetch a mug from a cabinet. It was placed on the surface near the coffee maker as she retrieved the carton of creamer along with a couple of Splenda packets. A decent amount of creamer was poured in, then the packets dumped, and to finish it off Franny grabbed the pot of coffee and poured it in until the liquid reached right below the mug's rim. With it precisely stirred together to make a nice golden brown color, Franny lifted it up so she could carry it over to Lorna.
The mug was set on the counter right in front of her and some of the anger fizzled away. Lorna took in a breath, turning her head to stare up at her older sister. "Thanks, Fran," she quietly spoke, eyes quickly faltering back to the cup that sat in her reach. Her fingers looped through the handle of the mug and carefully raised it up towards her mouth for a heavily desired sip of it. "Coffee always calms me down. And this tastes real good. Kinda like how mom made the coffee."
Franny gave a gentle nod and settled herself into the stool next to Lorna. An arm was comfortingly draped around her shoulder, slightly pulling her a little closer. Air released itself from her throat as she let her eyes fix their gaze down on the younger girl's figure. It wasn't hard for her to notice the continuous slimming appearance and she felt bones pressing into her arm which was held around Lorna's shoulder. An inward shudder involuntarily occurred upon the sensation.
"I know, hon, that's why I made it for ya. You're getting all worked up and that won't help anything," the older brunette carefully assured her, though she could wholly understand why Lorna was so upset. None of what was happening was fair or right. Her head shook solemnly as she felt a huff of air excrete through her windpipe. There was only so much one person could take. How much more could Lorna handle before she completely shattered?
Another couple of sips of the coffee were taken. Lorna shrugged her shoulders and returned her stare onto Franny. It was a challenge not to get worked up over the entire ordeal, she thought. There was so much going on at once that her mind couldn't properly compute it all. Pacing about had been the only thing she could think to do at the time. Did it help? No but it made her think that it had. Which, of course, now that she sat and thought it over she realized how irrational such a thought was.
The coffee was swallowed down and warmed her throat immensely bringing about a soothing sensation. Just enough to stop her heart from racing so intensely. A chuckle stifled out of her—coffee wasn't known for its calming effects, in fact it should have had the opposite effect on her. With the caffeine contents and the fact that it usually aided in anxiety made the fact that right now she felt calm drinking it entirely laughable. She certainly wasn't a normal human being. Not even remotely close to one. An anxious person like her shouldn't be choosing such high volumes of caffeine to drink each day and yet she did it anyway.
Was it strange that coffee provided her with soothing attributes? Possibly but there wasn't anything that could ever prevent her from drinking at least a couple cups of it each day. Coffee was a necessity in Lorna's life, the one thing that was the most stable in it. She could always count on coffee being around, coffee being within her reach each and every day. Fuck, she snickered, maybe she had a coffee problem now too. But a coffee problem was surely lesser to worry about in comparison to everything else she was dealing with.
"Well, can ya blame her though?" Mikey chimed in, arms crossed over his chest as he gazed between his two sisters. Eyebrows sat arched far above his eyes. "One thing after another keeps piling up on Lorna and ya expect her to be all calm about it? Hell, I'd be pissed as fuck if I were her. I mean I'm pissed as fuck all on my own. I wish I'da known bout' all this sooner."
Franny shifted her eyes onto him, taking in his stance and forced out a sigh. She could sense his displeasure without even needing to look at him but it was even more evident by the way he stood leaning back against the counter. "What could ya have done if ya known now or earlier, Mikey? You were deployed, it wouldn't a done ya good knowing while away," the words were carefully constructed. Both hands were brought up to her head, slicking back strands of hair so they didn't spill into her eyes.
The comment, though not ill-intended, felt like a sharp knife through Mikey's chest to hear. It wasn't far off from the truth, he knew that, but that certainly hadn't negated the fact it still hurt to hear. He swallowed down a wad of saliva that had settled upon the tip of his mouth and drew in a deep breath of air. "Maybe joining the army was the worst decision I made—clearly, my absence made it real easy for dad to be such an asshole to you and Lorna. I know he wasn't like this before I left. I just am pissed that I wasn't here to keep the two a ya safe from him," he truthfully admitted, voice slowly drifting off at the end.
"Stop," Franny waved a hand at him, shaking her head in a stern manner. "There's no sense in wondering about that, Mikey. It's not your fault dad's the way he is and even if ya didn't go to the army there's nothin' to say that would have done anything to make things different."
Despite his sister's disclosure being only the truth, Mikey couldn't resist from wondering how things could have been different had he not chosen to leave for the military. The pondering was eating him alive. He wondered every day since coming home what he could have done differently. Yet, it didn't matter now—there was no way he could go back and change his choices. Life didn't go backwards only forwards. Frustration was the only thing he was left to struggle with. How the hell was he supposed to process all the shit that went down in his absence?
"I don't even know what to do to help now. Other than make sure Lorna doesn't make any stupid decisions because of dad's pitiful pleading. Over my dead body will I allow either one a ya to give a dad a damn thing. He oughta spend the rest of his life suffering like what he made the two a ya do for however long he was abusive."
Lorna sipped her coffee and swallowed it harshly down. She felt her body slightly stiffen upon her brother's statement. Head shook vastly at the mention of dead bodies. She was sick of hearing the phrase dead bodies. No one else in her life was supposed to be taken away from her. "Mikey don't talk about being dead. Every time someone says that it happens and I don't want to lose another person I love."
Instantly, Mikey softened his demeanor and sat down on the other side of her. A gentle hand was placed overtop one of hers, his thumb soothingly stroked atop her pale knuckles. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean anything by that. I just I refuse to allow dad to hurt you anymore. You don't owe him a liver or a part of it or anything, okay?" Eyes peered fiercely into Lorna's brown ones.
Air softly puffed its way from her lungs as she timidly nodded her head. She gradually leaned closer to her brother until her head naturally rested on his strong shoulder. A place she felt safe and protected. Mikey was the only man she trusted, the only man who had the purest of intentions. He felt like more of a father to her than their own. All he wanted was to keep she and Franny safe, something Mr. Morello was supposed to do but failed at miserably.
"I don't know what to do about it right now. It's all too much, my brain is real exhausted and I just wish I could hibernate."
Mikey sighed, giving her a comforting squeeze, "It's okay, Lorn. But Fran and I will help ya through all of this, I promise."
Chapter 91
Notes:
Thank you to those who have still been reading this, that means a lot to me!
Chapter Text
Chapter Ninety
"How come Lorna didn't come back home with us?" Red questioned once both she and Nicky entered inside of the front door of their house.
She clomped her shoes against the doormat to get as much of the rain water off of them as possible before making her way through the living room to the kitchen. Instantly upon entering inside of said room, Red walked over towards the stove where her teakettle was and grabbed it off of the unlit burner. The kettle was carried over to the sink and enough was filled into it to make four cups of tea. Red set it back on the burner it had originally rested on and turned the dial to bring it to a boil with.
While the water took time to warm up and boil, Red walked over to sit down at the kitchen table. Reading glasses were sat on the top of the bridge of her nose as she reached for an envelop she had earlier placed in the pocket of her coat. However, before she could tear it open, the sound of a chair's squeaking against the hard floor boards momentarily caught her focus. She shifted her head and watched as Nicky situated herself across from her.
Nicky settled into the seat, resting both arms elbow-faced down on the surface of the table. A small sigh expelled through her nose the same time she reoiled her shoulders in an upward motion. She hadn't seen Lorna since their morning in the bathroom. Of course worry had plagued through her to not have seen her since then but she would reach out to her later via phone call. "I know yesterday she said how she wanted to go to Franny's place after school today so I'm guessing that's where she went," she recalled from the conversation she had had with Lorna the previous evening.
Nodding attentively, Red fixed her glasses so that they wouldn't keep falling and resumed opening the envelop in her hands. Eyes peered overtop of it at Nicky, she easily made out the frown on her face and sighed. The pair of them had been thrown a lot of heartache in such a short span of time it certainly hadn't been fair. She reached a hand across the table to comfortingly place over Nicky's. A gentle pat was given to the top of hers. Nicky spent more time worrying about Lorna than she did her own self sometimes, Red noticed.
"Poor child's been dealt a crappy card in life," Red stated, head shaking along with each word. Another sigh found its way out as she brushed her thumb delicately along the knuckles of Nicky's hand. "And you've been there for her through it all, can't be easy for you either. Watching the girl ya love struggling but refusing to ask for help, huh?"
The comment settled a knot in the pit of Nicky's stomach though her head bobbed up and down in agreement. Vocal chords naturally vibrated in the form of a chuckle. She threw her hands up in the air and shook them about. "It is frustrating, ma. Watching her suffer and every time I or anyone brings it up she immediately denies it. I know she's not tryna do it on purpose but sometimes I just wanna scream and shake her. And I feel terrible for fucking saying that because Lorna needs gentle affection not someone shaking her but I don't know how to help her."
Their conversation was temporarily interrupted by the sound of the kettle boiling its last round of water and its whistle echoing through the room. Mrs. Reznikov held up a finger at Nicky, nonverbally telling her to hold on a second. She bounced up from her chair and returned to the stove to retrieve the kettle of tea from—or, rather, the kettle of hot water. As she grabbed a couple of mugs, she set the kettle onto a paper towel on the counter so it didn't leave any burn marks.
Each mug was filled with a decent volume of hot water and then the kettle placed on a cooler burner. Red took two teabags from the drawer she kept them in, carrying them along with both cups back over to the table. One was carefully slid across to Nicky accompanied by one of the teabags while the other was left in front of herself. She placed her teabag inside the water, swooshing it around using the string that hung out of the mug.
Eyes returned their stare onto Nicky. "I get it, Nicky. I know it's not the easiest seeing someone you love suffer. Especially when that someone happens to be as stubborn as Lorna. But you need to remember to take time for yourself because otherwise you're gonna burn out from always trying to be there for her. And that's when something stupid might happen between you two and I don't want to see anything happen to what you girls have," Red admitted with a stern look melded upon her face. She lifted her steeped cup of tea up to her mouth and took a long sip of it.
Nicky followed suit, picking up her own cup and bringing it up for a drink. Satisfied with how much she swallowed down, she replaced the mug on the surface in front of her and fixed her stare on her surrogate mother. "Ma, I'm not ever gonna abandon Lorna. No matter how irritated her stubbornness makes me," she hurriedly assured, peering into her mug after a few seconds. Air silently huffed out of her mouth before she could finish talking. "I love her more than I ever thought possible and I just wish I could do more for her. How do I get it through her head that she's allowed to be vulnerable with me? I feel like every time we make a little bit of progress, she falls back twice as hard. I don't understand what the universe has against her but it's pissing me off that she can hardly ever catch a break."
"That's why she's seeing a therapist, honey. Her therapist will be able to help better than anyone. I know that's not something ya wanna hear or like hearing but it's just the truth. Lorna won't think any less of you just because you don't posses the ability to magically heal her," Red gently informed her, a pang molding into her chest. There wasn't a worse sensation than feeling completely and utterly helpless she knew. She couldn't blame the hostility in her daughter's tone, the exhaustion which displayed on her face.
A frustrated breath expelled noisily from Nicky's windpipe. That certainly wasn't what she wanted to hear right now. Lorna hardly did any better letting Doctor Washington help her, how the hell was that supposed to ease any of Nicky's nerves to be told? Her head shook out of excessive aggravation. Sitting back and letting things be was not one of her strong suites. Wasn't something she ever enjoyed doing or even willingly chose to do. It felt like only a lazy way out of doing anything.
Hands cradled around the mug in front of her, deciding on distracting herself with a drawn out sip of the tea. Maybe that would somehow make the irritation miraculously dissipate away. Of course, once she finished and replaced it onto the surface, nothing felt any different. Irritation remained through her body. She reached her hands up and massaged the palms roughly into each of her temples on opposite sides. "You're right, ma, I did not wanna hear that. I hate just sitting and watching. I wanna be the one to make all a Lorna's problems disappear not the therapist," Nicky frustratedly cried out, eyes peering frantically around the room. Why did it have to be as difficult as it was?
The revelation didn't much as shock Red to hear. Nicky was just as stubborn as Lorna. She took a sip of tea and then chose to place her hand over onto Nicky's, gradually moving it away from her temple. A gentle, soothing, squeeze was given to the hand as she exhaled a deep breath of air. She knew this wasn't an easy situation for her daughter to go through. And like Nicky wanted to make Lorna's problems go away Red longed to do the same for Nicky. She wished she had the ability to snap all the bad stuff away.
"I know, honey, I understand but it's not like ya can force Lorna to be less stubborn about it. You just have to be patient and not push her as much. Her therapist will help her. I know you want to be the one to but what she's gone through is a lot bigger than one person can handle. Does that make sense? She needs professional help, that's why she has her therapist. It's not anything against you, Nicky. You can still be there for her, still support her but you shouldn't try to take on all of her pain. That's not good for either of you."
Nicky swallowed thickly and averted her eyes away. There was no point arguing Red's point when she knew whole-heartedly it was the honest truth. No matter how badly she wanted to be enough for Lorna she couldn't be. Lorna did need professional help otherwise not only would her mental health worsen but her physical health would continue to deteriorate as well. Something she wasn't willing to risk happening. So she sighed a defeated breath and nodded her head.
"What, did ya hear Lorna sayin' that or something?"
Eyebrows arching ponderously over her blue eyes, Red folded her arms intriguingly over her chest. "What'd Lorna say? She admitted she needs professional help to you? That's hard to believe," the middle-aged Russian wondered aloud.
Clearing her throat, Nicky had to stop herself from allowing an innate chuckle escaping her throat. An absurd assumption at the least she thought to herself. Lorna would never be caught alive admitting to such a statement. It would be a miracle if one day she did. More than anything did Nicky hope that would one day change. That one day Lorna would finally accept she needed help and it was okay to admit such.
She came out of her thoughts with a quick shake of her head. "Good one, ma. But no, it wasn't that. She kept sayin' she wishes I wouldn't try to endure her pain for her. And it's not like I am. I just want her to let me take care of her, is that so hard?"
"Lorna loves you just as much as you love her. She doesn't want you thinking ya gotta trouble yourself with her struggles too. That's sweet of her, Nicky. I know you want to take care of her but you also have to remember that Lorna's still not ready for that. You have to respect that, even if it's not something you agree with. She'll come to you when she's ready. Don't force her."
"Will she ever be fucking ready, though? That's the problem. It's been fucking months of this. She's never ready and it's exhausting."
Red drew in a breath and slowly allowed it to exhale out of her. She got up from her chair, making her way across the table to Nicky. Sitting herself in the seat right beside her, she reached her arms out and pulled Nicky into them. A maternal kiss was given to the top of her head. "I promise one day she will be ready to open up to you. That's why she has to keep going to therapy. And you should take time for yourself when you're frustrated over this, okay? That way you don't end up saying anything you'd regret to Lorna and vice versa," she gently said, combing her fingers delicately through thick strands of Nicky's red curls.
The evening had drifted by in a rather swift manner. After a couple of cups of tea and a good long chat with Red, Nicky departed to her bedroom and was currently plopped down on the mattress of her bed. Phone held out in front of her face as she scrolled through her contacts, contemplating whether or not to give a call to Lorna. Fingers rested lightly on the call button but didn't press down on it right away. She took a moment to think it through before pressing onto the button.
Numerous rings sounded through her ear until she heard the line finally pick up on the other end. Heavy breathing was what she first was presented with before an airy greeting was provided by Lorna's voice. Concern displayed itself on Nicky's forehead in the form of multiple creased lines a few inches above her eyes. She swallowed a good amount of saliva that had gathered beneath her tongue, slowly taking in a breath. "Hey, kid. Is everything okay? I haven't seen ya since this morning, where'd ya go after school ended?"
A visible gulp was heard on the other end. The noise certainly hadn't eased any of Nicky's concern. Clearly, something must have been bothering Lorna and she knew it would take a lot of prying to get her to open up about it.
"Uh, sorry," Lorna quickly responded, guilt setting in as she remembered not meeting up with Nicky to tell her where she was headed for the evening. It wasn't done purposefully or out of spite but she had been in such a rush to get to her sister's place she completely let it slip her mind. "I, erm, I went to my sista's, I'm still here. I wanted to see if she got the guardianship thing and she still hasn't heard nothin'."
Nicky could hear the eye-roll from the tone inflected through Lorna's voice and couldn't resist a small chuckle from escaping her. But immediately the chuckle morphed into a frown. She knew how badly her girlfriend wanted out of the Chapman's house along with the foster system entirely. She couldn't blame her for that, either. Who would want to experience the fucking foster system to begin with? Nicky sighed, grateful she had Red in her life even more now. It could have easily been her who was in that situation if Red hadn't been so kind as to take her in.
A sigh expelled through her lungs as she lain down with her stomach pressing into the mattress beneath it. Fingers running along the metal of the phone grasped onto her ear. "I'm sorry to hear that, doll. Just give it a little time, yeah? Remember the CPS lady said something about how it might take a while for it to go through or whatever?" It was easier said than done Nicky knew and felt a pang sit in her chest. She longed for there to be a way she could make all of this better for Lorna. But, of course, that wasn't plausible. The only person who could be of any real help was Dr. Washington.
On the other end of the phone, Lorna copied Nicky's exhalation with one of her own. The legal guardianship approval was likely the least of her problems right now she sadly came to the conclusion. Her hand grasped the phone securely to her ear as she rested on her bed in the room that she always resided in when staying with her sister. "Yeah, I guess—that's not even…I got some stuff to deal with and it makes the whole foster thing look less daunting. And I hate admitting that, Nicky, because I hate being with a foster family."
The pang in Nicky's chest innately grew deeper. Her senses were right, there really was something more going on with Lorna tonight. It saddened her tremendously to know her instincts had been correct. She didn't want Lorna to have to be suffering through even more shit. The girl had enough going on—when the hell was enough enough? Her head shook in a fury. Yet again life and the fucking universe were showing how far against Lorna they truly were.
Nicky carefully drew in a breath and brought herself out of her thoughts. Now was not the time to let her mind go wild. She needed to be present with Lorna and help her with whatever she was about to disclose to her. "What's the matter, kid? I could tell the second ya said hello that there was something wrong. What is it?"
"The hospital called my sista," the younger teen informed her through the receiver that was pressing lightly onto her mouth. Eyes were gazing out onto the dresser straight across the room from where she'd been sitting. Her reflection could be seen through the mirror attached to said dresser and she naturally shuddered when she caught sight of it. However, her throat was cleared and attention brought back to the conversation between she and Nicky.
Lungs released a small breath as she tapped her fingers against the base of her phone. "I was hoping they were calling to say my dad died. That's fucked up a me ain't it? But doesn't matter, anyway, because that's not why they called. Franny said it was my dad's doctor on the phone and he was—he was tryna convince my sista to convince me to donate my liver to our dad. And now I have to figure out what to do about that, Nicky. I don't know what I should do—"
"I know what you should do. You need to say no, babe. You're not even in a healthy state where you could be eligible to donate any organ to anyone let alone a part of your liver to your demented father? What the hell is wrong with this doctor? I don't even think it's fucking ethical for him to be trying to talk you—a child—into giving up a part of yourself for a person who spent years and years abusing you," Nicky sat up straighter on the bed, grinding down on her teeth to keep in the anger. At least Lorna wasn't physically beside her to witness said anger, she gratefully thought.
Child, a child? The simple word repeated in Lorna's mind and instantly started a small fire within. She was not a damn child. She wasn't a damn helpless child who hadn't known what was going on around her. Why the hell did everyone have to say that about her? Her mouth felt rather dry as she uncomfortably swallowed. She used her tongue to moisten the inside of it but that didn't do much. Another swallow, still raw. Air quietly excreted from her lungs.
She had to say something she realized after a few minutes of silence had slipped by. But the last thing she wanted to do was say anything that would turn into an argument between the pair of them. Energy for an argument was not something she had at this time. She sucked down on her bottom lip, inadvertently causing it to invert underneath her top one. "I mean, erm, I'm not really a child. I'm fifteen, hon," she finally responded, keeping her voice soft so her girlfriend didn't assume she was mad or upset with her. Certainly, she hadn't been but it was frustrating when everyone around her referred to her as a damn child instead of the teenager she truly was.
Breath huffed its way through Nicky's windpipe. She should have known this was coming—Lorna loathed being called a child. But, in the context of her father and what was going on with him, Lorna was a fucking child. Hands were lifted up to the sides of her head—phone being held in place by her shoulder—and Nicky used them to forcefully push back her thick hair. Her mental argument wasn't accomplishing a thing other than driving her frustration out.
"Lorna, I didn't mean it as an insult. You are a child and I mean, I guess I am too if that makes ya feel better. Fifteen is closer to being a child than to being eighteen, yeah?"
The brunette sighed and blew air onto her legs that were curled up half under the blanket. "I guess that's true. But what does that even have to do with my dad and the liver? It ain't gonna help me solve anything."
Agitation intensified as she slowly came to the conclusion that she had no fucking clue what she was going to do about the situation. What she wanted to do was watch her father suffer until he succumbed to the liver failure. But that wasn't what she needed to do no matter how many times she tried to coax herself towards such decision. She couldn't handle being the reason her father ended up passing away if she could easily save him by taking part in this damn liver transplant. Either way, she was the one in detriment to the decision. There were no benefits for her whether she refused to donate or went through with it.
Nicky felt her chest tighten dramatically and wished Lorna was there beside her so she could easily scoop her into an embrace. But all she could do in that specific moment was to grab a hold of one of her pillows and pretend it was Lorna. She ran her fingers gently along its cotton material, though it felt nothing like stroking the thick strands of Lorna's brown hair. "It has a lot to do with the whole liver donation situation, kid. I mean there's no way the doctor can legally try to force ya into donating it. That's just fucked up and I think he and your dad could go to prison for doing somethin' like that, I don't know."
"Hmm, ya think so? If I said yes and let them slice into me to take my liver, my dad could end up in prison?" Lorna questioned, eyebrows arching ponderously over her eyes as she peered into the abyss. Maybe there was a possibility one of the decisions could be of benefit to her, she mentally acknowledged. She still hadn't been entirely fond of the idea of having her body cut into—however, if having said procedure could somehow render her free of her father's abuse by way of his being sentenced to prison, maybe she could manage undergoing a rather invasive procedure for that.
A lump formed at the back of Nicky's throat. Had she just unknowingly given a convincing argument for Lorna to use as a reason for agreeing to such an ordeal? She swallowed thickly and drew in a sharp breath. That certainly had not been her intent at all. She despised the thought of her sweet girlfriend going under the knife to save a twisted individual like Mr. Morello. Plus, she thought, there was no guarantee that he or his doctor would actually end up in prison for anything.
"Lorna, baby, you're not thinking about going through with the transplant just because there might be a slim slim chance he could maybe go to jail, are ya?" The words came through a tad bit shaky from Nicky's mouth. God, she was pissed at herself for even letting such a comment slip out of her earlier. She was trying to convince Lorna not to undergo a dangerous procedure and now may have ended up doing the complete opposite. Her head shook distastefully at herself.
Lorna tilted her head slightly as she let the words sink into her head. Honestly, she still was at a loss for what to do. Though with Nicky's disclosure, it did appear tempting to want to agree to giving her father her liver. Just so he could hopefully end up in prison, maybe spend the rest of his life in there once they found out how abusive and monstrous of a human he was. A sigh escaped her. Fatigue plagued through her as she tried to make sense of what should be done.
It felt like a lot for someone her age to deal with. And, maybe it was but she couldn't change that. Nothing about the situation could be changed—she was stuck with the decision on whether to save her own father or allow him to die. Neither one felt right for her to make a choice on. It irritated her that she was the one left having to choose the fate of her father's life. She was only fifteen, why should she get stuck with such a life-altering decision?
"I don't know, Nicky. I don't fucking know." Hands were cupped up around the sides of her face, digging slightly into the flesh of her cheeks.
Exasperation was easily noted in her voice. Nicky sensed the tightness in her chest increasing a small amount and sighed defeatedly. There was no blaming Lorna for feeling so exasperated and angry with the dilemma she was currently suffering through. Having to be the one to decide on the fate of another human being was something no one should be given the autonomy of. Especially not a fucking teenager, Nicky bitterly thought. This whole ordeal made no sense to Nicky. Why was it Lorna's responsibility to handle her father's fate? On what fucking planet was that morally acceptable?
She shook her head, grinding her teeth even further together. Fingers caressed around the pillow she clutched against her. "What're ya doing right now, kid?"
Lorna swallowed a wad of saliva and pushed up her shoulders, "Sulking in my room. What are ya doin'?"
A warm chuckle tumbled out of Nicky's throat. Of course the pair of them were doing the exact same thing just miles apart from one another. She pushed herself off of the bed, making her way over to her closest to fetch a jacket from. The phone pressed to her ear by her shoulder while she maneuvered her arms into the sleeves. "I'm doin' the same, kid. How about I come get ya and we go get a coffee, yeah? Take your mind off things for a while, does that sound good?"
"I love coffee," Lorna couldn't resist from allowing her lips to curve up into a small smile. She hurriedly forced herself out of the bed and started grabbing a more decent outfit to wear so she didn't look like she'd just rolled out of bed. "A distraction would be real nice right now, hon. I love being with you and drinking coffee. So, yeah, that sounds like heaven."
Another light-hearted snicker escaped from Nicky, who now had her coat fully on and was walking to grab her satchel from its spot on the hook of her bedroom's door. "You love coffee, huh? I'da never guessed, babe," she murmured, receiving an angelic giggle in response. The giggle formed a warm smile on her face as she started making her way out of the room in leu of the front door. "I'll be there in about fifteen minutes, kid. Just gotta let Red know where I'm off to and then I'll be on my way."
Lorna grunted to herself as she and Nicky were sat on the sofa in the living room of Franny's apartment. Upon Mikey's stern, but good-intended, request to properly introduce himself to his younger sister's girlfriend. Brown eyes irritatingly rolled backwards into their sockets while her legs fidgeted against the floor beneath them. "Mikey, please, why do ya gotta interrogate Nicky? I've been with her for months now and she's the sweetest person I know," she muttered, giving a hardened stare in her brother's direction.
The tension wasn't hard for Nicky to pick up on as she gently reached a hand over to cup Lorna's with. Thumb caressed lightly over each of her knuckles. She wasn't at all bothered by the fact that Lorna's brother wanted to take the time to get to know her a little better before she and Lorna headed off to the coffee shop. It was quite the contrary, she affirmed—his wanting to talk to her first showed her that at least one man in her girlfriend's life was looking out for her well-being and for that, she was utterly grateful. Lorna deserved to have her well-being looked out for by her siblings.
"It's fine, doll," Nicky warmly reassured the younger teen beside her. A tender squeeze was given to the hand she held in hers. "Your brother doesn't really know me so I can understand why he'd wanna ask me questions before I take ya outta here."
Mikey nodded his head at the redhead next to his sister and then returned Lorna's menacing stare with a firm one of his own. Though his body language showed sternness, a smirk displayed on his face as he held his younger sister's gaze. "Hey, I've been away for a while so I think it's perfectly fair to interrogate your girlfriend a bit. I mean I am your older brotha so it's kinda my job to make sure whoever dates ya knows not to break your heart, right?"
"Fine, whatever. But make it quick, I want to get to the coffee shop before it closes."
The older brother nodded his acknowledgement with a small chuckle and then turned his focus onto Nicky. Quickly stiffening his stance. "How old are you? What are your intents with my little sista?"
"I'm sixteen and all I want is to make Lorna happy. I would never do anything to hurt her or force her do anything she's not comfortable with," Nicky quickly responded, squeezing Lorna's hand even tighter when she felt it tense up once more.
Bobbing his head up and down, Mikey let his demeanor relax while his lips curved into a genuine smile. He had no fear that Lorna's girlfriend would do anything other than to make sure she was safe and okay. But as older brother, he needed to confirm that for himself so that he didn't feel entirely out of the loop with his younger sister. "Just have her back before midnight."
Chapter Text
Chapter Ninety-One
By the time the two of them were entering inside of the coffee shop, the sun had just set into the horizon and light drizzles of rain hit the ground. They walked their way to the sales counter, thankful for the empty line. Alex immediately turned from cleaning one of the machines upon hearing the footsteps which made the walk from the entrance to the opposite side of the counter she was stood behind. She shifted herself so that she was now directly in front of the register with her eyes peering between both Lorna and Nicky.
"You two want your usual coffees, yeah?"
The two teens nodded their responses and Alex turned to prepare both of their beverages. Only a couple of minutes it took for her to complete each of their drinks. They were carefully handed across the counter to their respective owners before Alex keyed in the information into the computer screen in front of her. After it was paid for and the credit card returned to Nicky, she gestured a hand in the air at them, "I'm gonna finish cleaning up these machines and then I might join the two a ya with my own coffee. Is that okay?"
Lorna and Nicky shared an enthusiastic nod, each giving a friendly smile in Alex's direction before making their way to the table they always found themselves sitting at. Lorna plopped down in the chair across from her girlfriend, making sure to pick the one facing away from the door as to not see if anyone strange came in through it. She preferred to be in blissful denial than to see if a murderer entered inside of the building.
Her hands cradled around her paper cup and slowly lifted it up to her mouth. The aroma of cinnamon and warm vanilla hit her nose immediately the second she had done so. Lips naturally positioned themselves into a smile as she soaked in the soothing, delectable, smell. After a couple of minutes longer, she moved her face closer and hugged her lips over the rim of the cup to allow the warm liquid slowly inside of it. The second her taste-buds were met with the sweet latte, they rejoiced in pleasure. Eyes instantly closed shut and she savored the sip all the way down until it hit her throat.
There was nothing she desired more than the first sip of a delicious latte like the one she consumed presently. She sighed contentedly and set the cup back onto the surface of the table, letting her eyes reopen and gaze straight ahead onto Nicky. Her lips kept their mold in the smile. "Yeah, hon, this was a real good idea ya had. It's a nice distraction from everything that's going on right now," Lorna easily admitted, reaching a hand across to lovingly frame around one of Nicky's cheeks. Fingers delicately stroked up and down the length of it.
A matching smile melded onto the older teen's face upon hearing Lorna's comment. Nicky nodded her head in agreement and followed it with a heavily desired sip of her own coffee. Her smile widened upon the bold, bitter, flavor of her plain coffee. The hand that was resting on her cheek she covered with one of her own, pressing the palm of it soothingly around the top of Lorna's. Eyes locked with the brown eyes across the table from her and an innate sigh escaped through her mouth.
Now was supposed to be the time that the pair of them used to distract themselves from all the painful circumstances but seeing the fatigue hiding in Lorna's eyes made it quite the chore for Nicky to ignore that. She bit down on her tongue to keep from speaking on her impulses. Something she was all too well at doing, she knew. The last thing she wanted to do was ruin their evening like she had the other day. So she did her best to refrain from saying anything about Lorna's current appearance.
Instead, she settled on continuing the soothing stroking around the hand she covered with her own. Gradually pressing and un-pressing her palm against the top flesh of Lorna's. "I figured you might be okay with a little coffee run, yeah? I know how you are about your coffee, kid," she smiled and the two shared a warm chuckle. Her heart tightened in warmth upon the sound of Lorna's small laugh—the most beautiful thing her ears could ever hear she deemed it.
"You know me too good, hon. But coffee always makes me feel betta. Especially fancy coffee like this. Thank you," the younger teen threw a soft smile Nicky's way and brought her other hand across the table to hold around Nicky's other cheek. She inched her face closer until it was directly in front of Nicky's and naturally allowed her lips to smash against the ones right in front of her own.
However, before the gesture could be returned, the sound of a chair squealing along the wooden floor interjected their little kiss fest.
The two were instantly startled and as Alex situated herself in the seat she'd just brought over to the table, she couldn't help but chuckle at the expressions on each of her friend's faces. They looked identical to a deer caught in the headlights of a car she simply observed. A playful smirk displayed on her face, eyes not once faltering from the teens. She took a sip of her coffee she'd been carrying and then set it onto the table. "I have perfect timing don't I?"
Lorna gave a giggle with a little head shake while Nicky playfully glared at the dark-haired woman who just interrupted their intimate moment. She removed her hands from Lorna's cheeks and now folded them displeasingly over her chest. A scowl, though joking, melded onto her face as she held her stare on Alex. "You did that on purpose, didn't you Vause?" Despite the snarky tone, a snicker followed right after the comment slipped out of her mouth.
Another couple of sips were taken of her coffee. Once it was placed down on the surface right ahead of where her hands were laying, Alex nodded with a light-hearted snicker. "Yeah, sure, I was watching the two a ya from behind the counter and decided the second you were about to kiss I'd just make my way over and sit down. Mean aren't I?"
"I'd say ya are," Nicky jokingly agreed but instantly released her arms from her chest and relaxed back into her seat. Though she was a tad bit disappointed she hadn't been able to kiss Lorna in return, she was glad to have Alex join them for a coffee. Maybe having Alex there would make it less of a challenge for her to refrain from bringing up anything about the liver and Mr. Morello situation.
The three of them all shared a laugh before the room became quiet again. Each one simultaneously taking a sip of their beverages while staring at the same spot in the middle of the table.
"So, Lorna, are ya feelin' better being outta the hospital now? I'm sure it's a lot nicer getting to sleep in your own bed than the one there, yeah?" Alex broke the silence with a ponderous question. Eyes now fixed on the brunette with her black eyebrows intriguingly curved upwards. Though the longer her stare remained on Lorna the easier it was to make out how drained and fatigued she so blatantly appeared.
Her own bed? The statement was laughable Lorna instantly thought upon hearing it. The only bed she had slept in since leaving the hospital was the bed in the Chapman's guestroom. She had to stop herself from rolling her eyes despite how difficult that was to do so. Her throat noisily cleared itself as she tried to piece together a response to voice aloud. It probably wouldn't be wise of her to respond in a snarky way—especially since she knew Alex hadn't been asking her that out of wanting to provoke her.
An exhaustive breath forced its way out of her. She tilted her head from one shoulder to the other. "I am glad to be outta there," that much was true, nothing was worse than spending time in the hospital. Even staying in the Chapman household was a step up from that place—not much of a step but a step, nonetheless. "But I wouldn't say I've had the chance to sleep in my own bed since I got out. I've been stuck with Mr. and Mrs. Chapman and it's not much better than being in the hospital."
Alex quirked an eyebrow, reaching a hand for her coffee and bringing it up for a momentary sip. "Are the Chapmans mean? I mean their son and daughter come by for coffees and they seem okay. Never met their parents, though. What are they like?"
Swallowing uneasily, Lorna fidgeted slightly in her chair. Fingers instinctively finding their way onto the paper material of the traveler's coffee cup resting on the surface in front of her. Gently, she let them tap against it as her shoulders bounced up towards the sides of her face. "I wouldn't call them mean but Mrs. Chapman is kinda uppity and she doesn't technically like me. I just hope my sista gets the legal guardianship thing approved soon so I can move back in with her," was the response Lorna settled on giving. Shoulders shrugging once more. She hoped more than anything that she'd be living with Franny again in the next week or two.
"How do ya know Mrs. Chapman doesn't like you? That can't be true. Didn't she and her husband choose to be foster parents and take you in?"
Nicky grinded her teeth together as the memory of Carol's comments from the previous evening—or possibly the previous previous evening—came whirling to the surface. She had her eyes on Lorna and effortlessly noticed the apprehension building in her body by how tightly she was sitting against the wood of the chair. Without a second thought, Nicky reached across the table to place a warm hand onto her cheek.
Though she held onto Lorna her attention was gradually shifted once more onto Alex. "It is true unfortunately, Vause. I was there the other day and Lorna and I were resting together in the guestroom—because according to the so kind and lovely Mrs. Chapman is just the room they're allowing Lorna to stay in while she's there. I mean the fact that she won't even allow Lorna to call the guestroom her room shows how little compassion she has for Lorna."
Nicky shook her head out of spite and circulated a hand through the air while inhaling a couple of breaths. This was supposed to be a light-hearted evening but clearly the pair of them had no comprehension of what light-hearted truly meant. Her head shook at herself and the thoughts she was plagued with. "But on top of that, Mrs. Chapman called Lorna a troubled teen to her face with me present and basically said how she should be grateful she was staying with her and Mr. Chapman," she finished with an eye roll to follow.
Eyes shifted off of Alex, back onto Lorna, and gazed softly into the brown ones exactly across from her own. Her hand which was still pressed softly onto the flesh of Lorna's cheek she moved up to her forehead where a few loose strands of hair were at and lovingly pushed them away. "I wish ya weren't going through all this, doll. It's taking such a toll on you and seeing that breaks my heart."
"Jesus. This Mrs. Chapman sounds like a real winner," Alex muttered with a shake of her head.
The youngest of the three exhaled a frustrated breath and kicked her feet at the floor beneath them. She swallowed hard while bringing her hands up to her head, pushing them a bit roughly onto either side of it. Wishing she wasn't going through what she was wouldn't make it so, she thought. She and Nicky could wish that until they were blue in the faces but the circumstances wouldn't just poof away. Life wasn't meant to be easy like that at least not for a person such as herself. Maybe for someone who the universe hadn't been so against but that certainly wasn't her. The universe seemed to get a kick out of watching her struggle just to breathe.
"Yeah, I wish the biggest problem I had was what outfit to wear to school tomorrow instead of if I should be an even worse foster daughter by choosing to stay with Franny or going back to the Chapman's home," Lorna stated, an empty chuckle following shortly after. She shook her head at the same time she threw her hands up in the air. Life would be a whole lot easier if her problems were only petty ones like the rest of the teens in her school. But, of course, the universe refused to give her easy. She fucked up in a previous life so terribly that this was the only path in her current one that made sense.
A light frown morphed onto Alex's face as she allowed herself to wholly focus on what each of her friends' were saying. Eyes gazed onto her cup of coffee that was in front of her, the only thing right now that literally had no worries or stresses to think about because it was a damn inanimate object. Inanimate objects had it made, she thought, they didn't have to do a damn thing and didn't have to put up with shit either. Well, as long as they didn't mind someone picking them up off the table and sipping down their contents.
That was exactly what Alex did next—picked up the cup and raised it to her lips for a drawn out sip. Her creamy coffee swished around her mouth until finally it made the journey down to her throat. When she was satisfied with the quench, she replaced it back in its spot and tore her stare away from the object back between Nicky and Lorna. "You know what really has it made?" She queried and the teens looked at her with matching curious expressions. A light-hearted smirk replaced her prior frown as she rested a hand on the coffee, patting its paper material. "These cups of coffee. They don't have to do anything but sit here and look pretty, yeah? I don't know I sometimes hope I come back in another life as a simple cup of coffee."
Nicky and Lorna shared a glance before both of them burst out in laughter.
"Ya know, Vause, I never once thought about something like that," the older teen stated, her breath heavy from the laughs which still escaped between words. An absurd comment she hadn't expected her best friend to make but one that she was grateful for being made. It gave them a break from all the heartache, something Nicky knew was clearly needed right now.
She held up a hand and gestured it in Lorna's direction, a playful smirk on her face. "I'm pretty sure Lorna would choose to be a cuppa coffee in her next life, too, yeah kid?"
An enthusiastic nod was given along with a snicker. "Yeah, ya know, my Nonna always said ya are what ya drink so I think it would only be fair if I was cuppa coffee next time. But, I have one condition…if I ever come back as a coffee, Nicky, I want you to be the one to drink me," she stated in a serious tone, reaching a hand out to place on Nicky's cheek. Though her voice inflected a seriousness, her lips were curved up into a natural smile. One that made it hard to resist from letting out another chuckle.
Nicky felt her cheeks slightly redden upon the bold comment her girlfriend had shared. However, the smirk on her face remained in its place. "Damn, kid, didn't expect ya to say that. But of course I'd make sure that I'd be the only one who drank you if you were a coffee," several snickers came out afterwards as she placed her hand on Lorna's shoulder, giving a tender squeeze to it.
Nearly sputtering on her coffee, Alex nodded in agreement with Nicky. That was a statement she didn't ever imagine coming from the innocent mouth of Lorna Morello. She set her cup down, let out a chuckle, and fixed her gaze on the very brunette. "That's a little bit TMI, Lorna. Didn't know ya had that kinda mind—that was pretty bold of you to say. Shit," she admitted, yet a joking smirk displayed itself on her face along with a wink she'd given to the pair of them.
"I can be bold when I want," the brunette firmly assured her. Bringing both of her hands to rest defensively on either side of her hips. The stance didn't last long, however, as she broke into a fit of laughter. Sometimes she forgot that she had it in her to be Nicky-level bold. When that part of her showed itself it left even herself in a state of surprise.
The thoughts faded away and she cupped her hands possessively around her coffee cup. She raised it up and sipped it savoringly. Being a cup of coffee would certainly be a lot easier than being Lorna she thought as she stared into the lid of the one she held in her hands. Air inhaled through her nose, she put the beverage back down on the wooden surface and looked between the two others. At least for now she could forget about everything else and just focus on stupid—albeit entertaining—conversation with the people she cared about.
"Mm, ya sure can doll," Nicky huskily agreed, throwing a loving wink her way. She mirrored her previous actions by taking a sip of her own hot coffee. Another laugh was shared between the three of them before their conversation quickly became interrupted by the sound of the door opening a few feet away.
Instantly, all three sets of eyes were on the culprit of the sound—each eyeing the person who entered through it suspiciously. Lorna recognized the girl immediately upon her entrance inside the door. Sure, at the very least, it wasn't Annalisa but who it was certainly hadn't been much better she deemed. A hard lump melded into the back of her throat as she watched the tall brunette walk closer and closer. She swallowed down thickly, lines scrunched up on her forehead when she noticed the girl stopping a few inches away from their table.
"Uh, can I help you?" Alex questioned the second she noticed the person hovering just a little bit to the left of where they all had been sitting and chatting. Her eyes squinted, trying to figure out who she was and when she did finally recognize the girl her eyes widened and darted onto Lorna. Confusion was etched on both of their faces, unsure of what that girl was doing here in the coffee shop now.
"Uh, yeah, I'm here to work—you hired me last week?" The brunette responded in a matter-of-fact tone. Irritation was clearly expressed on her face as she looked the woman who spoke to her methodically over.
Immediately upon hearing that Alex's forehead scrunched up in fused puzzled lines. Last week? She certainly hadn't remembered hiring anyone last week yet alone this girl in front of her, now. The same girl she recalled being at the party the three of them had attended all those months earlier—it wouldn't have been her first choice to hire. Not when she knew how uneasy she made both Lorna and Nicky.
Grabbing a hold of her cup of coffee, Alex sipped it and then noisily cleared her throat right after. "I don't remember this hiring that you're talking about. Are ya sure it was me who hired you? Because I know I didn't," she questioned, folding her arms over her chest as she glanced the tall teenager up and down.
The girl threw her hands dramatically in the air and shook her head a slight amount. Her demeanor clearly depicting how impatient and short she was with the situation at hand. "It looked like you to me, I don't know. You weren't wearing glasses maybe that's why ya can't remember," a snicker followed directly after which only gained her three wide-eyed stares. She scoffed and shifted her feet against the hard wood floor. The nerve this employer had she thought disgustingly to herself.
Such behavior instantly had Alex already not fond of the girl. She bit down on the side of her mouth to keep from saying anything out of impulse. Eyes, however, seared heatedly across into the dark ones of the possible new coworker she might have had to train. "You must have been talking to Franny, my coworker," she spoke, voice tight from how hard her teeth were grinding together. "She must have forgotten to inform me of this because I certainly wasn't expecting there to be any new employees here tonight."
Despite the displeasure Alex currently was plagued with having to figure out the whole new employee situation, she pushed herself up from her chair—grabbing her half-full cup of coffee—and motioned with her hand for the girl claiming to be a new hire to follow her back towards the sales counter.
Watching the pair of them fade into the distance, Lorna shifted her head back to its straight ahead position and peered right into Nicky's eyes. Nicky returned her stare with a slight shrug of her shoulders while reaching a protective hand over to cup around Lorna's cheek. Naturally the soothing sensation brought an intense wave of comfort over Lorna which was just enough to stop her from psychoanalyzing the whole reason for why that Shani girl was now trying to convince Alex she was a new employee there at the coffee shop.
She swallowed down thickly to keep herself from displaying any unkindly emotions. Surely, not everyone was out to get her like Annalisa was. She sighed and her eyes widened a tremendous amount. Unless somehow Annalisa was friends with Shani and knew Shani had a thing for Nicky and was behind this whole operation. Lorna took her head in her hands and pushed back her hair. No, she silently tried to calm herself, there was no way any of that was possible. It was only her self-hatred trying to convince her that nothing in her life deserved to have a good outcome. Of course that's all those thoughts were. There was not a plausible explanation pointing to any of it being true.
"You okay, kid?" Nicky softly questioned when she noticed how apprehensive Lorna's face had become. The hand she held framed around her cheek she stroked its palm delicately around Lorna's flesh. Eyes remained firmly on the other's, searching over her in a vastly precise manner.
Clearing her throat, Lorna bit down on her tongue and slowly nodded her head. Though, on the inside, she knew her nod wasn't even close to being an honest response. But she hadn't been willing to ruin the mood with bringing any of her concerns to light. How could she when she didn't have a definitive answer either way? A breath exhaustively sounded through her airway as she grabbed the cup in front of her and brought it to her lips for a distracting sip.
Her eyes looked over Nicky's head towards the back where Alex and Shani had previously departed to. She watched closely Alex's motioning from one thing to the other. After a couple of minutes longer, Lorna deterred her focus back on her girlfriend and did her best to force a smile onto her face. "I'm good, hon. Just got a lot on my mind is all. But it's been real nice just having coffee with you, away from everyone and everything else," Lorna commented, nodding her head in concurrency with what she spoke.
A small frown formed on the older teen's face as she tilted her head, eyes retaining their compassionate gaze into Lorna's. Albeit the frown, her heart was warmed tremendously to hear that at least she was able to provide Lorna a helpful distraction from the current dilemma going on with her father and the liver. It might not have been much but it was enough for her girlfriend to sit on the other side of the table with an almost fully genuine smile upon her face.
Nicky sighed and brushed her fingers delicately along the length of her cheek. "I know ya do, babe, and I'm here for ya if ya wanna talk about it. Or if ya just wanna drink more coffee, I'm cool with that too. Whatever ya want, we'll do."
"I love you, hon," the younger teen softly whispered, her smile growing a tad bit. She mirrored Nicky's position with placing a hand on the same cheek on her face. Fingers stroked a soft heart around its parameter. "Would ya, um, would ya wanna come spend the night at my sista's place with me? Or would Red be upset if ya did? You don't have to, I just thought—"
"Baby, stop," Nicky gently murmured when she easily picked up on the building franticness in Lorna's tone. Her hand pressed lovingly into the cheek it rested atop of and she gradually leaned her face a little closer to Lorna's. "Of course I wanna spend the night with ya, kid. I was gonna regardless because I've been wanting to cuddle you all day. It's fine, I'll call ma and let her know. She won't mind, she trusts us."
The brunette felt her cheeks heat up a faint amount and covered that up by reaching for her coffee and finishing off the rest of what was left. Once it was swallowed down, she returned her stare onto Nicky removing her hand from her cheek so that she could reach for one of her hands instead. "Are ya okay if we head back now, Nicky? I just—I wanna just spend time with ya in the privacy of my room if, uh, if you're okay with that," Lorna nearly tremored over her words. Something she wasn't expecting herself to do.
The shakiness in Lorna's voice brought a pang to Nicky's chest. All of a sudden Lorna seemed so skittish around her and she was unsure why. Unless it had to do with the Shani girl from the party showing up here. That was when she realized she answered her own question. Of course the reason for Lorna's faint standoffishness was having Shani's presence in the same vicinity. Nicky's lower lip sadly inverted under her top one as she squeezed their hands securely together.
"We'll head back now, doll, I'm pretty much finished with my coffee. I love the sound of spending time with you away from the rest of the world. I've been craving some Lorna cuddle time since we were at school this morning."
The time was nearing eight thirty in the evening when Lorna and Nicky were entering back through the front door of Lorna's sister's apartment. They hurried through the living room—Lorna's hand gently pulling on Nicky's arm—through the hallway and into the room that was given to Lorna. Upon making their way inside of it, and once the door had been shut as well as locked by Lorna, they both plopped themselves onto the mattress of the bed.
Lorna turned on her side, as did Nicky, making it easier for their eyes to lock together and their arms to reach out and wrap lovingly around one another's bodies. Everything else gradually melted away and all that was left was the pair of them. A warm, soft, smile melded onto Lorna's face while she looked the older girl thoroughly over. She inched their faces even closer so that their foreheads molded into one. Nothing mattered to her in that moment other than being with Nicky and having Nicky against her.
Gently, fingers found their way on the top of Nicky's head and slowly combed through her thick strands of red curls. Settling within Lorna now was a calmness she hadn't truly felt in a rather long length of time. Truly, at that point, none of the hardships were on her mind. Nothing about her father, her uncle, or even the Chapmans were running around her head. The only thing she was concerned with was if she was able to bring a comfort to her girlfriend by continuously stroking her beautiful red hair.
"This is exactly what I've been wanting since we had to get up for school this morning," Nicky stated, eyes slightly closed as she allowed herself to relax against her girlfriend's tender touches. In a peaceful manner air quietly escaped from her lungs and out through her throat. Resting right beside Lorna, both of them entangled in each other's warm arms, Nicky couldn't imagine a more tranquil or serene experience. And she vowed she wasn't going to fuck up this moment between. She certainly did not want a repeat of the other evening all thanks to her own impulsivity.
Nodding her agreement, Lorna tightened her arms around the older teen's shoulders and naturally pressed her lips onto the tip of her nose which rested right beneath. The corners of her mouth morphed into a loving smile. "I've been thinkin' bout' just snuggling with ya all day too, hon. This is real nice—we don't have to think about nothin' else, just us and I locked my door so neither a my siblings can walk in on us," she lovingly assured, and the two shared a light-hearted chuckle.
Having an arm securely around Lorna's back, Nicky smiled and pecked her cheek. "I love you."
Chapter Text
Chapter Ninety-Two
It was so quiet throughout the room the sound of a grain of rice falling against the tiled-floor could easily be heard by anyone who might have been within its proximity. Lorna swallowed thickly while keeping her head bent down onto her lap. Both of her hands lay restlessly in between her two legs, each playing with a loose string from the material of the pants she wore. There was no talking going on only the sound of breathing and the occasional snuffle of a person's nose. Mostly Lorna's snuffling out of frustration and impatience with her current predicament. She refused to look up from her hands and lap.
A clearing of the throat hadn't even had the capability of budging Lorna from her spot. The sound hadn't gone unnoticed but also just hearing it didn't encourage Lorna to acknowledge that it occurred. Her focus remained on the strings her hands were busying themselves with. One twirled around a thumb while the other string was twisted around her index finger. Her feet shuffled against the hard floor underneath them, the impatience growing heavily within her. She wasn't supposed to be spending her morning in the sterile office of her doctor, she grudgingly thought.
"Lorna, could ya please stop playing with your clothes and give the doctor your attention?"
Her sister's voice being directed at her immediately influenced her frustration to vastly intensify. Lorna kept her head aimed at her lap as she rolled her eyes all the way back through their sockets. What reason did she have to put her focus on the doctor? The question whirled through her mind, hands not once removing themselves from the string of her pants. In fact, Franny's request only made her continue the motions. She didn't choose to come here today so she certainly wasn't abiding by anyone else's demands.
Doctor Gonzales typed into the computer screen sat in front of her while occasionally throwing a glance up between the three siblings sitting opposite of her desk. Communication had been sparse since she brought up the information she had heard about their father. Lorna grew rather cold right after and her older siblings sat with matching distaste expressing upon their faces. Nobody wanted to say anything on the matter Doctor Gonzales was quick to realize. Maybe she shouldn't have brought it up so soon upon their arrival but she knew no matter if she waited or didn't the topic would have to be brought up eventually.
"When do you meet with your therapist next, Lorna?" She peered up from her computer, silently chewing on a piece of gum, and fixed her eyes over on the younger brunette. It wasn't a challenge for her to recognize how blatantly withdrawn Lorna was, sitting with her head bent so that no one else was able to see her face and expressions that may have been taking shape on it.
Lorna tied the two strings together and then laid her hands in the middle of her legs pushing them together from how hard her thighs were squeezing into them. Air huffed exasperatedly through her windpipe. If it wasn't questions about her father and the liver it was about her therapy Lorna shook her head and bit down harshly on her tongue. What was the fucking point of this? Why was her appointed medical doctor asking her questions that were usually asked by her damn therapist? Rage sifted inside of her. She raised a hand up to her forehead and impatiently slicked back her thick brown waves.
Nothing was getting accomplished other than each one of her nerves being frayed upon. Tension built inside of her, slowly dissolving each one of her veins—that was what it felt like anyway. She swallowed the ball of saliva sitting on the tip of her tongue and noisily exhaled a sharp breath. "I don't remember, but why does that even matter? Why are ya asking me such dumb questions? Aren't ya just supposed to clear me for school?"
"Clear ya for school?" Franny crossed her arms over her chest and threw a stern glance at her younger sister. Eyebrows waggled intriguingly over her blue eyes. "What the hell does that mean, Lorn? You've been goin' to school this whole time since ya been outta the hospital and ya haven't even been cleared by the doctor?"
The atmosphere in the room was so tense Doctor Gonzales could have used her stirring spoon as a knife to cut it. Her hands cradled around her ceramic tumble cup, lifting it up to her mouth for a sip while her eyes darted between the two brunette sisters. After a few gulps were taken of the warm liquid she carefully set the cup back on its coaster beside her computer's keyboard. Her throat gently cleared itself to get the siblings to bring their focus away from a potential argument and back over in her direction. "I would say that I don't think you're ready to be attending school at this time, Lorna. At least not with the results of your recent blood test in my hands. You shouldn't have gone back yet, either, but it's too late to go back and stop that from happening isn't it?"
Eyes squinted as she stared straight ahead at the doctor. What the hell results did she possibly have? Lorna certainly hadn't remembered having her skin pricked any time since being home from the hospital. Her head shook once more. The doctor clearly was only making shit up like everyone else in her life seemingly did on her behalf. They all wanted her to fail at life, at school—at fucking everything. If her blood work was truly not good, she would likely be the first to know. But she felt perfectly fine. She was perfectly fine and the longer people tried to keep her out of school the worse off her grades were going to get. The closer to having to repeat the ninth grade she'd be. The longer she'd have to put up with Annalisa.
All of that was from everyone around her having some secret vendettas against her. To anyone else maybe the running idea she had was completely insane, laughable even, but Lorna hadn't seen it that way. She wholeheartedly believed it to be true, real. Family, friends—they were all out to get her. Why? She had no plausible explanation. There were no reasons to back up the claims her mind made for her. The claims her mind wanted to swallow her in. Yet, regardless, Lorna couldn't stop from believing in every last one of them. She couldn't argue with herself.
"I wanna know why ya think I can't go back? I feel perfectly fine and it ain't like nothin' crazy happened when I was in school," Lorna pointed out, throwing her hands up in the air for emphasis. Lines creased on her forehead as she peered intensely across at her doctor. Still trying to process her doctor's disclosure on the mysterious results of her blood tests. Result she still had yet to even see for herself. If they were as not good as Doctor Gonzales was claiming them to be why wouldn't she physically show them to Lorna and her siblings as proof?
Paper crinkling alerted the brunette that her doctor was retrieving the proof of said results as if she had heard her thoughts via telepathy. Instantly, she grunted out a breath and rolled her eyes. Of fucking course there magically happened to be proof of these results she thought begrudgingly to herself.
Doctor Gonzales flipped through the paperwork in her hands until she came across the lab work results for Lorna. She used her thumb to glide along the page before she came to the exact spot where each result was listed out. Satisfied, she held it up and pointed a finger at where the results were displayed, "See right here, this is from the metabolic panel I had drawn up on you last week. Your potassium is slightly lower than normal. That's why I don't believe you should be back in school yet at least not until we get your potassium back to normal."
Lorna snatched the paper a bit harsher than was necessary and let her eyes scan it over to see for herself. When she got to the potassium level and saw the number, she stifled out a chuckle. It wasn't even that fucking low, she thought, the hell was her doctor making a big deal about it for? She gradually shifted her eyes up and back onto the dark haired woman on the other side of the desk. "This says it's only fifty numbers lower, that's nothing. Why are ya being so dramatic about it, doctor? I'm fine. And I'm not taking any time off school; I'm already doing real poor in my classes. I refuse to repeat the ninth grade. Refuse."
"That's not nothing, Lorna. Potassium is an important part of your system and even a small difference like this could be really detrimental to your health—"
"But I'm fine, I feel fine. This is ludicrous. I could be in school right now not failing my classes but you're making me sit here to listen to some bullshit about my blood results that are not even much of a problem. I don't understand why I'm here. I am perfectly, perfectly fine and I think this is just all fake. I'm leaving," Lorna bitterly interjected while forcing herself up from the chair she'd been sitting on and turning towards the door.
However, before she had the chance to move even another millimeter, Mikey firmly grabbed onto her shoulder to halt her exit. "Franny and I aren't letting ya leave until ya hear everything your doctor has to say, Lorn. Now go sit back down and let her finish. Your health is a lot more important than your damn grades," he sternly commanded her, releasing his grasp but not moving until he saw her distastefully abide by his request.
With her patient reseated in the chair adjacent to her desk, Doctor Gonzales took a sip of her coffee and reshuffled the papers in her hands. Eyes looked across at Lorna, a sympathetic expression etched on her face. "Lorna, I know it's hard hearing things that you don't want but this is important. Potassium is an electrolyte needed in order for your heart to properly function and if it's out of balance even just a small amount like yours is right now, it could cause issues with your heart. Serious issues. That's why I'm telling you that you need to stay home from school until we can get your potassium back to normal. I can contact your school and let them know what's going on if that would make ya feel better but I'm not clearing you to go back yet."
Shifting her legs unnervingly, Lorna averted her eyes down onto them and resumed playing with the string of her pants. Her heart was the healthiest it had ever been, she mentally affirmed, head shaking spitefully. None of what her doctor said made any bit of sense to her. There was no way she had any heart issues from such a small difference in her blood work. And even if she did, she didn't care. Let it kill her, she said to herself. At least if she ended up dead from her own self-destructive behaviors she wouldn't have to make a decision on her father's fate.
"No that wouldn't make me feel better. What would make me feel better is just being cleared to go back to school. I've been going every day anyway and nothing's happened so I don't see what the damn problem is? Do you just enjoy making me do things that make my life even harder?"
"Lorna, I'm not budging on this. You are not in good enough health to be attending school right now, and I'm even considering having you readmitted to the hospital if you're going to refuse to listen to my recommendations," the doctor responded in a stern voice, her stare on Lorna with the same level of sternness as her voice.
A lump instantly formed in the back of Lorna's throat upon hearing her doctor disclose she was even thinking about readmitting her to that godforsaken place. No way, not over her own dead body, would Lorna fucking allow such a thing to happen. She refused—absolutely refused—to spend another second in that fucking hospital. Especially not the same hospital her father was in and have the possibility of running into him again…or rather have his breaking into her room in the middle of the night like he had previously done.
None of that Lorna could risk happening, that much she already established. But the thought of having to spend the entirety of her days cooped up in the house of her foster family hadn't sounded very promising, either. At least in the hospital she didn't have to constantly deal with Mrs. Chapman's putting her down or have to look at her disapproving face all day long. "Well, what about going to school for half the day? I mean there's no way I can just sit and do nothin' all damn day. I need to keep my grades from slipping too much," Lorna tried to come to a compromise somehow. It wasn't like she'd pass out from sitting in a desk in the damn school she irritatingly thought.
The dark brunette doctor slightly shook her head. Finally, a patient who had as much fight in her as she had when she was a teenager. A breath of air slowly exhaled from her lungs the longer she looked Lorna over. She could easily observe the frustration oozing from her brown eyes and felt her lips curve down into a small frown. Arms folded once more over her chest while her eyes gradually made their way back onto the computer screen in front of her.
Having to deny a patient something they truly wanted had certainly been the least desired part of her job. She sighed. Eyes slightly peeped up over the monitor onto Lorna just enough so the other couldn't exactly tell she was staring at her. Maybe a compromise could be made, she thought. But only if there were conditions properly met. She still didn't think it was a wise idea to clear Lorna for school with her blood work the way it was.
"How about I talk with your school and maybe I can work something out for you?"
Lorna bit down on her lower lip and tilted her head. "Like what?" Eyebrows curiously arched above her just as curious brown eyes.
"I'll see if they'd allow you to go a couple days a week but only if you check in with the school nurse while you're there. Does that sound like a good plan to you, Lorna? I know ya just wanna be there all day but right now you need to prioritize your health so this is the most I'm willing to clear you for," Doctor Gonzales firmly stated.
It wasn't exactly what Lorna had in mind but surely going to school a couple of times through the week was better than none at all. At least it was somewhat fair she tried to rationalize with herself. For once one of the adults in her life hadn't been trying to entirely fuck her over. She swallowed thickly down and gave a small nod in response. "I guess that's fine for now. Do ya think you can explain to my teachers I don't wanna repeat my freshman year too?" Lorna playfully waggled her eyebrows at the last part.
Doctor Gonzales laughed and shrugged her shoulders. "I'll explain the situation to your school, okay? It's not your fault you're so behind right now and I'll make sure to emphasize that when I email them. Now, stop stressing and go relax for the rest of the day. And make sure to eat, Lorna. If you want your blood work to improve ya gotta make sure you're taking in enough nutrients. I know that's not easy for you but you gotta try, even if it's only by smoothies or protein shakes. You need something."
The coffee shop was steadily busy when Lorna arrived there with her sister—her sister who believed it was in her best interest if Lorna accompanied her to work so she could discreetly keep an 'eye' on her. Lorna scoffed as she plopped herself down at a vacant table. Since when did she need to be fucking babysat like a damn preschooler? She shook her head and kicked her feet at one of the metal rods keeping the table afloat atop the wooden floor beneath it. Her phone was taken from its spot in her jacket pocket and laid out on the surface of the table in front of her.
With its screen flipped up, she read the time displayed on it and grunted out a breath. It was barely even noon yet which meant she still had two hours to wait before she could try to reach out to Nicky. Sure, she thought, Nicky probably wouldn't even hesitate to respond back now if Lorna sent her a text but she refused to risk getting Nicky in trouble with a teacher or anything of the sort. A sigh escaped her as she concluded she'd have to sit there for two hours fiddling her thumbs.
Footsteps coming closer to her table instantly took over her awareness. Lorna shut the phone screen and averted her eyes in the direction of where the footsteps were approaching from and had to stifle an eye roll upon seeing Franny carrying a tray over towards her. She lifted a hand up to her forehead and innately slicked back her thick dark waves of hair. Why did her doctor have to talk about food in front of her damn siblings? Now the two of them wouldn't leave her alone about it. She was drowning in their fucking care.
Arms crossed distastefully over her chest as she watched the tray being set down on the surface right in front of her. Eyes gradually averted up from the food and over to her sister. "What are ya doin', Fran? I'm not in the mood to eat if ya puttin' this in fronta me," her tone sharp with displeasure towards the prospect of having to eat and consume any form of calories.
Mirroring Lorna with her own arms folded over her chest, Franny tilted her head and gave a stern gaze at the younger brunette. It shouldn't have surprised her how stubborn Lorna was being over the ordeal, however, it had. Or rather, maybe, it had frustrated her more so than surprised her. Getting through to Lorna was one of the hardest, most challenging, tasks there was she deemed. One of the most exhausting, taxing, tasks out there. But regardless of the challenge it needed to be done. She refused to allow her only sister to end up dead from starving herself.
She released her arms from her chest and moved them so that her hands were resting on either side of her face. "If you want to go to school a couple a days during the week then ya gotta eat. Doctor's orders. Come on, Lorn, it's just a small bowl of oatmeal and a half a banana. I'm not tryna kill ya or nothin'," her voice pleaded as she carefully lowered herself into the chair opposite Lorna. Eyes remained on the younger girl, watching her quite closely to make sure she at the very least attempted to eat something from the tray.
Lorna shifted her stare momentarily onto the tray and sighed a long boisterous breath. The bowl, to anyone else, may have appeared small but to her it looked like one of those never-ending, bottomless pit, bowls that she'd seen people eat from at buffets or an all one can eat restaurant. A daunting breath escaped her mouth. At least there was a decent sized cup of coffee included on the upper left corner. She reached for that first and took a deeply long sip of it to help prepare herself for what was to come.
"The coffee is good. Thanks, Fran," her voice muttered between sips of the warm liquid.
Another sigh came through once she set the cup back in its original spot. Fingers tapped around the paper material while her eyes peered up onto Franny. She couldn't be mad at her, she realized when she noticed the blatant worry and concern displaying out on the older woman's face. This couldn't have been any easier for Franny to deal with. Having to watch her younger sister struggle so heavily with something everyone else naturally did day in and day out without even a second damn thought. To Franny and others like her, it probably was one of the most confusing situations to see unfold. A situation that, to them, was incomprehensible and something they just had no ability to wrap their minds fully around.
Lips morphed into a frown. Franny shook her head at the comment eyeing Lorna suspiciously now. Her nose snuffled a small amount the longer she retained her watch on the other. "Hon, I'm happy ya like the coffee but you really gotta eat the food too. Please, Lorn. You need the calories so you can function better. Nicky would encourage you to eat it if she were here, wouldn't she?"
A gulp was settled from her mouth to the back of her throat. Her head nodded slowly up and down. If Nicky were sitting with her she knew she'd have no choice but to finish the food in front of her. Nicky was the only person she refused to have in constant worry and stress over her well-being. She sighed, running her fingers up and down the length of the coffee cup her hand was still cradled around. Making her sister and brother worry wasn't something she set out to consciously do each day but their worries weren't nearly as guilt-driven to her as Nicky's happened to be. Nicky was the love of her life and the thought of losing her because of her own selfish desire to keep losing weight was enough to slow her down from accomplishing such a goal.
"Fran, did ya hire a new girl to work here?" The topic was sharply changed to prevent the discomfort she felt from intensifying any further. Eyebrows arched inquisitively over her eyes which stared rather fiercely across at her older sister. Memories of the other day coming to the surface; she still felt uneasy at the thought of that damn Shani girl working at her and Nicky's favorite coffee shop.
Matching Lorna's facial expression, Franny unnervingly nodded her head as an acknowledgement to the question she'd been asked. "I did, why? What does that have to do with any of this, Lorn?" Arms refolded themselves over her chest the longer she stared back at the brunette teen across from her. She suspected the change of topic was only for Lorna to distract her from how much or, rather, how little she was eating. Naturally, the conclusion caused her head to shake in frustration. Leave it to her younger sister to always find some sort of way to worm herself out of having to do anything she wasn't exactly fond of.
"Why did ya do that? The girl ya hired was at a party me and Nicky went to. Why did ya hire her? She came in here the other day when me and Nicky were having coffee and Alex had no idea ya even hired her. Why did ya keep that from Alex?"
Bringing her face into her hands, Franny rubbed them against her cheeks in exasperation. Why the hell was her younger sister interrogating her about who she hired as if she were some sort of detective? Lines creased onto her forehead as she shook her head once again. This certainly was one hell of a weird way for Lorna to beat around the bush with her food issues, Franny thought to herself. "Lorn, why are ya so worked up about some random teenager I hired? So what if she was at a party you and Nicky were at—wait a damn minute, what the hell party were you and Nicky at?"
A chuckle couldn't resist from escaping Lorna upon hearing the last question thrown her way. She chuckled so hard, and for so long, she had to hold a hand over her chest to help regain a steady breath. Once she was able to breath calmly again, she brought her focus back onto Franny and let her shoulders fall forward into a shrug. Maybe she should have thought it through before allowing it to slip out about the party. But now that was too late to do, so she moved her lips into a quick smirk before letting them fall back into their normal position.
"Don't get your panties all bunched up, Fran. It was a while ago now, okay? Nothing bad happened so like chill, would ya?"
"Chill? You want me to chill, do ya?" Franny threw her words right back at her. Where the hell did this little prissy attitude of Lorna's come from? The query pondered through her mind. She tightened her arms around her chest and intensified her stare on the younger brunette. "How long ago was this damn party, Lorna? Why the hell didn't ya tell me about it sooner? Lorna, what the hell is going on with ya lately?"
Rolling her eyes, Lorna brought up her coffee cup and sipped it slowly to procrastinate her response as much as she possibly could. Her head rolled frustratingly around her shoulders while her eyes peered back with just as much intensity as her sister's. "Why is it such a damn problem? Just drop it, Franny—"
"Drop it? Lorna you're the one who fucking brought it up. You pretty much told on yourself, hon. Why is it such a problem for you to answer my questions?"
"I don't want to fucking to talk about it, that's why. It ain't even a big deal so you're fucking gettin' all frazzled for no damn reason. See this is why ya shoulda took me to school instead of here. I don't need to be babysat, I'm not a fucking kid."
Franny threw up her hands in a rage, "Lorna, you fucking don't take care of yourself and are so damn fucking unhealthy that your doctor doesn't even think you should be going to school. Like hell ya don't need to be watched. You won't even eat a little bowl of oatmeal or a piece of banana." The tone of her voice progressively grew louder as did the anger boil fiercer. This whole conversation was only happening because of how hard Lorna was trying to avoid taking in the food she had been provided with.
By the look on Lorna's face she could sense her anger and loudening voice weren't doing anything to help the situation. Air solemnly escaped from her windpipe. She tried to soften her demeanor the best she could. But it was much easier said than done. Lorna's stubbornness was quick to ware on every last one of her nerves. "Lorna, hon, the only reason we're talking about this party is because ya can't even eat a small bite of what I brought over for you. You know that, right? You're so scared of eating that you dig yourself into deeper and deeper graves," she pointed out, her voice a little less stern than it was only a few moments earlier.
"I am not fucking afraid of eating," Lorna bitterly interjected despite the fact that she harshly pushed the tray a few inches away from her. Arms defensively folded themselves around her chest once more. Like fucking hell she was afraid of an inanimate object such as the damn food sitting on the tray that was now pushed to the middle of table.
However, as her eyes gazed onto it, she felt a knot settle itself into the pit of her gut and knew how false her previous mental statement truly was. She was utterly terrified of the oatmeal and banana her sister had brought over for her. Terrified of what would happen to her body if she ate the contents of each little contraption. How much weight would it cause her body to gain, how much fat would it add to her thighs or her abdomen…or her fucking cheeks which Annalisa told her were big and plump.
Not afraid of eating their damn broken front porch Morello house, Franny thought to herself. In her heart there wasn't anything else she was more sure of than her younger sister's irrational fear of food and eating. It broke her same heart to realize how much fear Lorna had over something that was supposed to sustain her. Something as simple as eating wasn't supposed to be this damn hard. But, yet, for Lorna it was that damn hard. And the more Lorna refused to admit it, the harder it would be for her to even try to consume some amount of food.
"If you're not afraid then pick up the banana and take a bite of it." Franny hated herself for being so cold towards Lorna on the matter but she knew the only way she could get Lorna to admit to anything was to be exactly that. Cold.
Lorna swallowed and shifted in the chair she sat on. Shakily, she lifted a hand up and moved it towards the tray to pick up the banana with. It was slightly unpleasant against the flesh of her hands but she brought it up to her mouth, nonetheless. Lips tremored and refused to open as she stared at the piece of food so close to her.
"I'll call Nicky and have her come down."
Chapter Text
Chapter Ninety-Three
Years—decades—was what it felt like to Lorna as she sat at that table staring nervously onto the tray of food in front of her. Hands still held around the half-piece of banana which she had picked up whenever it was that Franny had requested her to. In her mind it felt as though an eternity had come and gone since then but it really only had been an hour. Or two at the tops. Never once did she release the banana from her grasp or move her stare from the tray. Franny had tried to coax her focus away but failed numerous times.
It hadn't been until Nicky finally showed up that Lorna's attention had successfully been shifted away from the tray as well as the banana in her hand. The banana remained held in her hand but her eyes had long averted up across the table to see who the culprit of the squealing chair was. Lips naturally melded into a small smile to see it was Nicky who had been the cause of such a sound. She swallowed down a wad of saliva, shifting the positioning of her legs underneath the table so that one covered over the other.
Situating herself in the chair across from Lorna, Nicky felt her chest tighten at the sight of having seen how shaky and apprehensive she was over the food in her hand along with on the tray in front of her. She watched from afar for several minutes before finally deciding on joining her at the table. A sigh escaped from her as she gently reached a hand across the table to rest softly on one of Lorna's cheeks. Fingers stroked along its length in a tender up and down motion.
Once Lorna's eyes were gazing back into her own, she felt her lips twitch into a sad smile. "Hey, baby," her voice murmured, barely above the volume of a whisper. The tips of her fingers remained caressing along her cheek all the while her eyes searched methodically over Lorna's face and body. It wasn't very often she received a phone call from her girlfriend's sister and when she did, she knew that meant something odd was up. Clearly, her instincts were right this time.
Her chest ached tremendously knowing how deeply Lorna was struggling right now. How she had been sat in that same spot for merely two hours with a half piece of browning banana in her hand. Nicky couldn't imagine what it was like to live in Lorna's shoes let alone her world. Certainly that couldn't be an easy life to live. In fact she knew it wasn't at all an easy life to live. Lorna had been through more things in four years than most people even went through in one lifetime.
"Have you taken a bite of the banana yet, kid? It's okay, you can be honest with me. I won't judge ya," Nicky lovingly reassured her, moving her thumb up towards her forehead where a loose strand of brown hair caught her eye. Gently, she stroked it away with her thumb and inched her face even closer to Lorna's so that their foreheads pressed softly together. The close proximity made it natural for her lips to touch against the flesh of the tip of Lorna's nose.
Lorna felt her mouth moisten with saliva and she had a hard time swallowing it all down at once. The coating was so thick she almost choked on her own damn spit. And just the thought of what almost occurred made a laugh become stifled by her hand covering over her mouth. Which proved to be a challenging task since her face was basically touching onto Nicky's. God, she thought, she really was the most fucked up person she knew. So fucked up that she could choke on saliva that her own mouth created.
But she couldn't stay in her mind for much longer. Nicky's eyes were searing into her with such an overwhelming amount of compassion Lorna was positive her body might turn into a puddle of mush right then and there. Nicky had quite the power over her—a power she was sure Nicky had no idea she even had. Air exhaled sharply from her lungs as she gradually forced herself out of her head. "I don't think I have, Nicky. I don't know, I just been sittin' here for years it feels like. Franny tried to make me eat it but I don't want to. I'm not afraid of eating it I just don't wanna eat it," she finally voiced a response out of a heavily shaky mouth.
The disclosure rapidly tightened Nicky's chest even further than it already happened to be. She brushed her lips once more onto the tip of Lorna's nose and then moved them to a cheek where she noticed a lonesome tear streaming along. Eyes softened with an even stronger compassion upon seeing the sight; she let her lips softly press onto the warm flesh. "I understand, doll. But it's okay if you are afraid of eating it, you don't have to pretend you aren't if you are. You can be honest with me. I'm here to support ya through this, baby, but I need ya to tell me the truth. Is the reason you don't wanna eat the banana because you're scared to?"
"No, no, course' uh course' not." The words sputtered from her and even Lorna could see that she was lying. Tears refused to stay inside her eyelids and instead continued flowing from her eyes. She sucked in her lower lip and folded her arms over her chest. "I, uh, I don't know. I don't know, Nicky."
Nicky tilted her head but kept her hand cradled around Lorna's cheek. Palm stroking softly up and down the length of it in the hopes of bringing some form of comfort to her. "What don't you know, Lorn? What's wrong? What's making this hard for ya right now?" Lips pressed onto the corner of Lorna's mouth over and over in a warm fashion. With their lips merely micrometers apart it didn't take much for Nicky's to feel the vibration of Lorna's trembling ones.
The sensation only escalated the pang sitting in Nicky's chest. She couldn't just sit there across from her blatantly shaking and distressed girlfriend any longer. Releasing her hands from Lorna's face, Nicky slowly pulled back her head from hers and pushed herself up from the chair she'd been sat on for the past several minutes. She walked over to the other side of the table where Lorna sat and threw her arms securely around her waist, inadvertently pulling her up from her own chair and properly into her arms.
Lips found their way onto the top of her head, pressing down on it in a tender kiss. Hands were brought up to the top of it right beside where she just pressed a kiss to and lovingly massaged her fingers into the scalp of Lorna's head. "It's okay, doll," her voice murmured softly, fingers stroking tenderly along each side of her scalp. She moved them around in a slow, circular, pattern in the hopes of lulling her even closer. "How about I take ya back to my place, yeah? Where we can get some privacy and talk about what's upsetting you more."
Lorna's head slowly bobbed up and down against the other's shoulder. She could barely form words to respond with right then, her mind too occupied on trying to keep her tears from turning into anything more. Getting out of the public coffee shop was definitely in her best interest, she mentally rationalized. She couldn't retain her emotions for much longer. It was proving to be too much of a challenge, too much of a hassle.
Only a twenty minute car ride it was from the coffee house to Nicky's place with Red. And it was only a matter of minutes from exiting the car until the two of them were entering in through the doorway leading into Nicky's bedroom. With her arms wrapped firmly around Lorna's waist, Nicky gently led her to the bed and pulled her down onto it alongside her. The entire car ride had been eerily quiet albeit a few softened sniffles that came from Lorna's windpipe. Her hand never once let go of the younger one's.
Even now as the pair were cuddled up on the mattress of Nicky's bed, she could effortlessly tell that something was seriously weighing on the younger girl's mind. She felt her breath get caught in her throat multiple times as she turned onto her side and took Lorna's face in her warm hands. Fingers brushed softly along each of her cheeks. "What's wrong, my baby? You've been off since I seen ya first thing at the coffee shop," her lips pressed tenderly over the rim of one of Lorna's ears. The words were soothingly spoken into it as she curled a loose strand of hair behind it.
"Is it really messed up that a fucking little half of a banana terrifies me to death? I mean just—just holding it made me feel real guilty, Nicky."
Lorna buried her face in the corner of Nicky's shoulder right where it met with the side of her jaw and cheek. She refused to see the expression that was likely etched on Nicky's face now upon her disclosure. Disgust or shame most likely. Who the hell wouldn't be disgusted by Lorna? The query popped through her mind.
Arms cradled delicately around Lorna's body, pulling her even closer. One hand moved slightly to the left to grab the corner of the comforter and lifted it up to wrap around the both of them which only closened the proximity between she and Lorna. "Lorna, sweetheart, I mean it is messed up that you have to endure that kinda fear over something the rest of us don't even think second of…but that doesn't mean you're messed up. Okay? You're not, you're not messed up—you have a really bad eating disorder and you need help so you can one day not be so scared of a piece of fruit. That's not a bad thing to admit, doll. Needing help isn't bad. Say it," Nicky pleaded, using her fingers to draw soft circles sporadically around Lorna's spine.
Needing help wasn't bad? Lorna felt her forehead form creased lines atop it. She scrunched her face as the words repeated through her mind. It was a difficult statement for her to grasp. For her to grasp and come to terms with. If that were the truth, why—for the past few years—had both her father and uncle threatened her that if she even thought of telling anyone about anything either one of them did to her they'd make sure she regretted it? Help wasn't a good thing, she thought. Not even a little bit. Asking for her help meant she was weak. Very fucking weak. Fuck, she didn't even need to ask for help to be considered weak. She was just weak. Born weak.
Maybe the broken condom her father used for which resulted in her being conceived was the reason she was so weak. She was a broken condom mistake of a child. That had to be the true reason for all the misfortunes in her life. If she hadn't have been born from the brokenness of her father's condom, she wouldn't have led a life full of so much fucking hardship. But now was way too late to change any of that—there wasn't anything she could do to go back and prevent herself from being conceived.
A sighed huffed out of her as she snuggled closer to the warmth radiating off of Nicky's body. At least with Nicky she always felt so safe and unbelievably loved. A love she didn't believe she was deserving of. Why should a person like her receive such a plethora of warmth and compassion from a person so beautiful like her sweet Nicky? Her face nuzzled its way into the crook of the older girl's neck, hands wrapping softly around the surrounding area. She would never have an explanation for any of her questions, not any that made sense to her ar least.
"What? What, uh, what do ya want me to say? I can't. I can't say something I know ain't true, hon," Lorna spoke no louder than a whisper after finally finding the will to push herself out of her incessant thoughts. This wasn't supposed to turn into an argument, she silently reminded herself, but she couldn't agree with anything that was said to her by her girlfriend. Not that she thought Nicky was a liar—she certainly hadn't believed that to be true—but rather because she couldn't accept that she, Lorna Morello, was in need of help outside of herself.
Brushing her knuckles lightly up and down the flesh of her cheek, Nicky felt her throat tighten a smidge. Her head turned slightly so that her lips were lingering right above the top of Lorna's; she inched them closer until they were pressing onto the scalp of it, naturally pecking a soft kiss onto the hair covered flesh. "I want ya to just say that it's okay to admit you need help, kid. You don't have to deal with this on your own anymore, I promise. I'm here for you and I want to help. Why are you scared of letting me help you?" She kept her tone soft as to make sure Lorna knew she wasn't trying to get under her skin. All she wanted was to be there for her, to support and love her through what she was going through. But trying to convince Lorna of that was about as easy as trying to figure out the equations in her algebra class.
"I'm not scared of nothin', hon. I just—I don't—I can't accept help from anyone, okay? It's not you, I promise. I just I can't accept any help at all," Lorna fumbled out her response, keeping her face hidden inside the crook of Nicky's neck.
That was the only answer she felt was right to give at that particular moment. It was more of the truth than she had ever been willing to admit to before. She knew, on some level, that what Nicky commented was true of herself. There was a part of her which was utterly terrified over the thought of allowing others to help her. Not because she thought the people who loved her would end up hurting her but rather she didn't want to be overcome with even more enormous amounts of guilt. The guilt such a decision would leave her with was almost too overwhelming to just let her mind ponder about—it would be more than she could handle and eventually lead her towards more destructive behaviors. Possibly lead to her death even quicker than what she was currently partaking in.
A noisy breath squeaked through Nicky's windpipe. Fingers caressed warmly around Lorna's face as her hand that remained wrapped around her waist lovingly pulled her closer to the front of her own body. The more Lorna revealed to her the heavier her chest grew. Her heart ached deeply for every ounce of pain her girlfriend suffered through. Each time Lorna made a comment about how she needn't any help or whether she felt help wasn't something she deserved Nicky sensed another piece of her heart dissolving away. She longed for there to be a way she could convince Lorna of otherwise, make her see that she was indeed deserving of having the support and love of the people around her but she had no clue how to properly do that.
It appeared to her as if they were constantly talking their way in circles. One step forward was really three steps backwards. At least that's how Nicky saw it. Any time the pair of them made any bit of progress a new obstacle was set in their path. Nicky couldn't wrap her mind around it—couldn't figure out why the universe had such a pleasurable time making Lorna's existence so fucking taxing. In her eyes, Lorna was nothing short of an angel. An angel who certainly wasn't deserving of all the trauma the universe fucking gave her.
On top of that, the universe gave Lorna her only to keep Lorna in the continuous looping thought that she wasn't good enough for her. Lorna got one positive shining light in her life and the universe made sure that she wasn't able to fully enjoy it. Nicky shook her head with gritted teeth. The universe was an evil entity. To do that to someone as loving, as sweet, as fucking pure as Lorna—evil was the only descriptor Nicky could think of to appropriately describe the universes' essence.
Lips stroked over the rim of one of Lorna's ears, "And why can't you accept help from anyone? What's the reason for that, babe? It's not like I and everyone else who cares about you don't want to help. We all do. But we don't know how to help you because you won't let us. Please talk to me and tell me why you think ya can't accept our help."
Lorna's eyes innately closed shut from the soothing strokes Nicky's fingers were providing the flesh of her ear with. Her chest moved up as a deep breath came in through her slightly open mouth. The words refused to come to her upon hearing Nicky's small interrogation. She couldn't respond to it as easily as she wished she had the ability to. Nothing was ever easy for her, she thought with a frustrated swallow. One hand raised up to her face and pressed roughly into the flesh of her own cheek. Why couldn't she just be like everyone else she knew? Fucking normal. Was the broken condom also the reason she was so—so fucking the opposite of normal?
"I—I know that, hon. I just, I don't know. I can't accept your help. Just, uh, just let it go please."
Pulling her closer, Nicky took both sides of Lorna's face into her hands and pressed her forehead overtop of hers. Lips kissed delicately against the tip of the younger girl's nose while her thumbs caressed around the flesh of each cheek they rested on. "I'm not letting this go, doll. I'm worried about you—your sister's worried about ya. Please talk to me; tell me what's going on in your mind right now, baby. Let me be here for you," her voice all but pleaded. She couldn't continue to sit back and watch the nonstop spiral of the one person she loved with every last fiber of her being.
Lorna swallowed down a lump that had formed in her throat and sighed. She tried to move herself from Nicky's arms but the hold on her was too strong and her body felt rather fatigued to try to cooperate with her. So, she gave up and allowed her body to relax against the warmth of Nicky; she sensed Nicky's chin nuzzling atop her head and breathed out a contented breath. "The doctor thinks I am not good to be going back to school, Nicky. Can ya believe that?"
Running her thumb up and down Lorna's cheek, Nicky nodded her head slowly against hers. There wasn't anything she believed more than what her girlfriend's doctor had probably mentioned to her. Lorna certainly wasn't ready to be attending school every day not in the condition she happened to currently be in. But, of course, she had an inkling the brunette wouldn't feel the same way regarding such matter. Lorna was too stubborn to see things the way they truly were.
"I would have to agree with her, Lorn," Nicky softly started out. Mouth warmly hovering above Lorna's ear, breath trickling out and causing the skin on its rim to lightly become covered in faint goosebumps. The vision immediately had her fingers moving towards it, stroking along the edge once they were in the vicinity of said ear. "You have so much shit going on right now and you're in such bad shape health wise, how the hell are ya able to handle going to school on top of all that, yeah? Your doctor is a wise lady and you needa listen to her, doll. Don't fucking overdo things you'll end up hurting yourself."
"Course' you'd take her side over mine," the younger teen scoffed and turned her head so that Nicky couldn't see her face.
Even her own girlfriend appeared to be against her on everything, she thought. Why the fuck did they all think she couldn't handle going to school so suddenly? Fuck, she breathed, before any of them even knew about her issues with food she was perfectly fine attending school while starving herself in peace. She sure wished she was able to go back in time when none of her loved ones had any knowledge of the rituals she established. When she could keep it all locked up persay and not have to feel guilty every second of every day in regards to how her behaviors were effecting the people she loved. The people she loved who were innocent in all of this and shouldn't have had to be put through the agony of watching her slowly take her own life one meal refusal at a time.
Shaking her head sadly, Nicky inhaled a sharp breath and secured her arms even tighter around Lorna's waist. She let her front press firmer against the front of the other's. "Babe, I'm not taking sides. Your doctor wouldn't say what she said if it weren't the truth. What else did she say at your appointment? Tell me everything, kid. Maybe you're interpreting it wrong, yeah?"
Hands were tempted to fling in the air to display out her frustration but were unable to from the way they were positioned tucked under the strong grasp of Nicky's arms around them. The more she tried to fight her way out of her girlfriend's arms the more secure they were wrapped around her body. It easily brought a comforting, lulling, sensation over Lorna but she couldn't allow herself to relax into such a soft embrace. Her self-loathing refused to accept that she would ever be worthy of such warm affection. The haunting memories of her uncle were reason enough to not accept anything the opposite of that.
"She just kept sayin' somethin' bout my blood work, I don't know. I told her I feel fine but she insists there's something off with my potassium—I saw for myself and there's nothing wrong. She's just making a big deal over nothin'."
"Lorna, if there's something wrong with your blood work then I can guarantee ya the doctor isn't just making shit up. What's wrong with your potassium, doll? Is that why Franny was having you eat the banana?" Nicky did her best to keep her tone at the same soft level it had been but hearing how Lorna continuously tried to make it out as if everything that was being said by her doctor was all embellished made that task quite the challenge.
She couldn't understand why Lorna thought the way she had—why Lorna would even consider her own doctor would tell her these things just to make her life even more difficult. When it was clear to her and probably anyone else who had been there that the only real reason the doctor was making these recommendations was out of concern for her health as well as well-being. Air huffed out of her as she nuzzled closer to the smaller girl, kissing her head affectionately.
"But Nicky I looked at the paper she had and it was literally only off by fifty numbers. That's not even that much so I don't understand why she had to make such a damn fuss over it," Lorna muttered out. Irritation was clearly evident in her voice—easy for anyone to pick up on with how it blatantly inflected itself outward.
Stroking her thumb over and over the corner of Lorna's temple, a frown shaped onto Nicky's face. The ache in her chest sharpened each time she heard Lorna's responses to her questions. How little Lorna cared about herself and her health broke Nicky's heart more than she could ever possibly explain. She couldn't fathom the shit Lorna had gone through to make her feel as unworthy and underserving of anyone's care as she so deeply—rather apparently—had now.
Eyes squinted while peering right into those of Lorna's. "That's a lotta numbers for it to be off, doll. I mean that's your health we're talkin' about," her voice sternly pointed out, eyebrows moving up accordingly to each word. The proximity between them grew tighter with less empty space in their way. Nicky traced her thumb soothingly around the flesh above each of Lorna's eyebrows. "Your health isn't something to mess around with, kid. So if the doctor is concerned with the results, we need to be too. Because I'm not about to let anything happen to you."
Air slid its way from Lorna's throat. Why did everyone think something bad was going to happen to her over a measly little difference in numbers such as the results hers showed? It was absurd to think so, she merely rationalized. She hadn't even been aware of her health in months and nothing out of the ordinary occurred so she highly doubted a small discrepancy in the result of her potassium levels would seriously affect her in any noticeable way.
Hell she was doing perfectly fine before it came to fruition about her 'starving' tendencies. The only reason it ever came to light in the first place, she knew, was all thanks to fucking Annalisa. If Annalisa hadn't shoved her head in that damn toilet bowl the chances Lorna would be in the situation she was now was slim to none. More than anything did Lorna desire to have the capability of going back in time and stopping that event from happening at all. Her life would be a whole lot simpler right now if she were to do that.
But, as she exhaled a deep breath, it was too late for her desire to be met. As of right now there wasn't such a thing as traveling back in time. An unfortune that was, she thought. Life could be much different if traveling backwards was a real thing. Another sigh came out of her. She situated herself in Nicky's arms so that her head was lifted up and eyes were facing right onto her face. A smile pursed from the forcefulness of her lips. "Hon, I'm fine. Really, I am. I've been fine, the results don't change that. But if it makes ya feel better I made a compromise with my doctor," Lorna commented while tracing her index finger delicately around the bottom of Nicky's lower lip.
Shaking her head, Nicky huffed out a breath but said nothing on the matter. She had no desire to start an argument right at that point in time. Instead, she continued massaging her fingers around the flesh of Lorna's temples and forehead. Mouth stroked a warm kiss onto the middle of it. "What kinda compromise did ya make, kid? I hope it's not one that'll end up hurtin' ya in the long run," the volume of her voice slightly faded out with the last sentence she spoke out loud. Her eyes peered lovingly, yet with a firmness, down at the younger teen.
"She said I can go a couple days a week to school just as long as I check in with the nurse," Lorna informed her though gave a small eye roll along with the last portion. As if she needed to be kept tabs on by anyone. There was nothing—absolutely nothing—wrong with her, not physically, not mentally and certainly not medically. At least not anything that would have an impact on her during the school day.
Frustration seized through her body. She'd been participating in her normal everyday activities while also coping with her—what others deemed—self-destructive behaviors for years now and not once did she have any adverse side effects from it. Now, just because people found out, all of a sudden she was believed to be some frail fucking child. Some frail fucking child who apparently needed babysat constantly wherever the hell she went. Nobody fucking trusted her was what it seemed like to Lorna.
And it was truly waring her thin to know not a single person she cared about trusted in her. She shook her head and clung her teeth loudly together. "I agreed to it but what she doesn't know won't do any harm—"
"Lorna, I will not let ya do anything stupid. If your doctor said ya gotta check in with Red if ya wanna go to school then ya damn well better know I'm gonna make sure ya do. And I will tell your doctor myself if ya skimp out on any of what she requested of you," Nicky sternly interjected, exasperated lines creased onto her forehead as she gave a hard stare to Lorna.
Crossing her arms defiantly over her chest, Lorna stared back with matching ferocity emanating from her brown eyes. "Yeah? How ya gonna do that, hon? We're not in the same classes and I don't think ya should skip yours just to make sure I'm following the doctor's demands."
Nicky's throat cleared upon bringing Lorna's head down to rest softly on her chest. It was easily sensible to her how continually edgy Lorna was getting. Her approach softened with a more secure embrace and gentle kiss atop her head. "Look I want you to be able to come, too, so I'll find a way to make sure you're doing what ya need, doll."
Chapter Text
Chapter Ninety-Four
"What are these, ma?" Nicky quirked an eyebrow up at Red while flipping through the stapled papers she held tightly in her hands. The shuffling of the packet she held naturally brought about a soothing sensation within her. She breathed a contented breath waiting for a response from her surrogate mother.
Despite it being late evening Red went over to her coffee pot which had just finished brewing its last droplet of liquid into the vessel and grabbed it from underneath the filter. She carried it to the table where Nicky was seated and poured the coffee into the empty mug in front of her then did the same to the mug on the surface right by the spot she had previously been sitting at. After, she quickly went to return the pot back under the filter of the coffee machine before rejoining Nicky at the kitchen table.
A smile easily shaped onto her face as she grasped a hand around the handle of her mug, bringing it to her lips for a savoring sip. Once the warm liquid was swallowed down Red replaced the mug on the table's surface while refocusing her gaze on the redhead teenager across from her. The smile on her face remained there throughout the entire ordeal. She lifted a hand up and motioned it at Nicky, gesturing silently for her to give her possession of the stack of papers.
Nicky quickly abided by the hand waving and reached across the table to hand the packet to Mrs. Reznikov. Eyebrows still arched ponderously over her eyes. What could those papers be hiding? Her mind floated with differing queries. The smile on Red's face helped her to conclude the reason was at least of an optimistic nature otherwise Red wouldn't be smiling as hugely as she currently was.
The papers were flipped until Red found the page that held what she wanted to specifically show Nicky. She creased the top corner of it in order to stop the other pages from falling back on top of that one. Satisfied, Red turned it around and gestured her pointer finger at a particular spot on the page. Eyes were wide as they peered across the table at Nicky, the smile on her face only doubling in size to correspond with the enthusiasm being displayed by the way her finger wagged itself at the piece of paper in her hand.
Scrunching her face slightly, Nicky placed her hands on either side of the packet being held in front of her and used her thumb to guide where her eyes focused. The back of her throat thickened with moisture the closer she looked the paper over. By the time she read through to where Red had directed her to she felt her entire body become stiffened. Cheeks suddenly grew damp and that was when it was brought to her attention that she was crying. Or, at the minimum, she had tears leaking from the lids of her eyes down along the flesh of her face.
It was a challenge to read anymore with how cloudy her vision now happened to be from the amount of tears soaking through her eyes. She could hardly breathe from how heavy her chest felt. The heaviness was of a warm, affectionate, nature no doubt. Her mind still tried to wrap itself around the words her eyes just read; she couldn't believe it. Couldn't believe Red would do something so overwhelmingly heartwarming for her. For fucking her—Nicky Nichols—of all damn fucking people.
A snuffle sounded through her nose. Nicky reached an arm up and used the sleeve of her shirt to wipe away at her tears which soaked into the skin right below her bottom lip. The gesture made her heart soar so heavily, so strongly. She released her hands from the paper and plunged herself at record speed from the chair her behind had been engraved upon. Within a matter of seconds she was on the other side of the table with her arms throwing themselves desperately around Red's neck in the tightest embrace she could possibly muster up.
Lips pressed a soft kiss onto her surrogate mother's cheek as her eyes tearfully peered up at her, "How long ago did you apply for this, ma? I can't, I don't, words can't form right now. I—I'm speechless." Nicky stammered over each one, still in awe at what she'd just read from the packet Red had gestured for her to.
The embrace was happily returned by Red who snaked both of her arms securely around her now legal surrogate daughter's body. One arm cradled around her back while the other she used to cup around the crown of her head. Tears fell from her own eyes while she matched Nicky's gaze with one of her own. She leaned a bit forward so she could press a motherly kiss onto the flesh of Nicky's forehead. Her smile never once faltering from her face. "Well, honey, with what was going on with Lorna—I figured it might be a smart idea if I went ahead and tried to get legal guardianship over you so that we're not ever in that same situation."
"God, ma, I love you so much," the words trickled out between a few boisterous sniffles. Nicky cleared her throat and leaned closer until her head naturally fell into the crook of her surrogate mother's neck. Tears continued to plague her but she didn't care too much at that point. She was overcome with emotions to really have the energy to stop the tears. "How, uh, how did it go through so fast for you though? I mean I'm not complaining at all—I'm beyond touched that you would do this, ma, but I'm just curious since Lorna's sister is still waiting for her guardianship to be granted."
Nodding her head attentively, Red squeezed her tighter and then released her just enough to be able to frame both of her hands lovingly around Nicky's cheeks. "That's because Lorna is already in the foster system so it takes a lot longer. And since I got the okay from Marka—"
"You spoke to Marka?" Breath all but hitched in Nicky's throat.
The tears increased immediately upon witnessing the nodding of Red's head in response to the query she had directed towards her. Once again her heart was touched on a level she had never expected it to be—she never imagined she'd end up having a maternal figure in her life who cared for her as fiercely as Red had. Red was much more suited to be a mother than her own could ever even dream to be. An airy breath rose up from her lungs and escaped out through her half opened mouth.
Brushing her hands tenderly through the thick strands of Nicky's red curls, Mrs. Reznikov smiled and gave a butterfly kiss to the top of her head. There wasn't anything she wouldn't do for the young teen who was now legally hers to take care of and mother. Mother her the way her own mother had no ability to—the way her own mother had not even the tiniest clue or knowledge of how to. An identical breath made the journey through her lungs and out through her nose.
It was a gift she was given with Nicky. As if Nicky was the daughter she once had inside her womb but hadn't survived beyond infancy. The possibility that Nicky was the reincarnation of her own daughter made this approval of legal guardianship that much more special to Red. Of course she would keep the thought to herself she determined. But the thought was enough, on its own, to send a rush of warmth throughout the entirety of Red's body. The universe made a mistake with who they gave Nicky to, she told herself, Nicky was meant to be hers. To be with her where she would be properly taken care of and loved rather than treated as if she didn't exist. Or existed but treated as if she were a nuisance instead of a child who needed affection and guidance.
Those were all things Nicky would never have to worry about now that she was legally under the care of Red. No more wondering if she were worthy of her mother's affection or if she lived up to any particular standards. No, now she was permanently in the house with Red and would not ever have to worry about any of that changing. Red sighed a breath of relief. She wouldn't have to worry about that either, she realized. Nicky was truly hers now. Tears fell faster from her blue eyes as her lips widened in their smile that still had yet to fade away. Life was finally working out for the two of them in a positive manner.
"I figured talking to her might make this whole thing go faster and it did. So I'm glad I thought to reach out to her. But I'm also glad we don't have to deal with her ever again—that Marka is something else. And not a good somethin that's for damn sure," her voice firmly commented, growing firmer by the second.
She truly couldn't comprehend how Marka could speak the way she had about her own daughter, her child—a child she carried inside of her for nine months and birthed. Clearly, there were women who were not ever worthy of being given the gift of a precious child. A precious, beautiful, child just like her Nicky. Red shook her head harshly. Anger built inside of her the longer she let her mind wonder on the matter. It wasn't fair that people like Marka were given such a gift while on the flip side of the coin there were people such as herself who would give anything to have a healthy little girl and yet that miracle was quickly ripped away from her grasp.
Naturally, a snicker expelled from Nicky after hearing the last comment. She tightened her arms around Red's neck and nodded her head against it while closing her eyes for a few moments. It was hard to believe all that had happened in only the past twenty minutes. It felt way too good, way too fucking perfect to be true. To actually have happened in the first place. But it was actually real, she finally accepted, and once more tears resumed falling along her cheeks.
She couldn't have been more grateful to have Red if she tried. There were no words, no amount of thanks, that would ever be enough to show her gratitude towards Red for what heartwarming thing she had done for her by going and getting guardianship of her. Certainly, that hadn't been anything Nicky ever imagined a person like her would be deserving of. A loud mouth teenager such as herself wasn't the poster child for a kindhearted woman such as Red. But, yet, regardless Red found her and chose her. And there was nothing Nicky could ever do to repay her for that choice.
"You really know how to leave me tongue tied yeah ma? I just, I don't know what to say. What did I do deserve a mom like you in my life? Seriously, it baffles me but…but I'm really glad I have you," her voice progressively softened throughout her spiel. It was the only way she could keep herself from verbally sobbing.
"Honey, all children deserve moms who want them and love them," Red sternly assured her, cradling both Nicky's cheeks in her hands. Thumbs stroked soothingly along the length of each one. A sniffle muffled its way out of her windpipe. Eyes caught sight of a loose strand of red hair and instantly one of her thumbs went towards it to lightly stroke it aside. "And I'll tell ya right now, I'll always love and want you here. You may not be my blood but you are my daughter, Nicky. I love you now and until I take my very last breath."
A sigh made its way through Nicky's throat as she sat staring off into space during her math class the very next afternoon at school. Her heart still was bursting at the knowledge Red was legally and officially her guardian. That hadn't even been a conversation the two of them discussed at all the entire time she'd been living with her. The gesture continually had tears leaking every so often from her eyes—her adoration for the Russian matron only grew stronger and stronger now the longer her mind lingered over the whole ordeal.
Consumed heavily with her thoughts, her feelings, Nicky didn't notice anyone's presence in front of her until she felt a hand gently tap onto the top of her head. Attention was instantly brought forth from her mind and onto the culprit of such a sensation against her scalp. Naturally her lips curved their way up into a smile to see it was Lorna hovering in front of her—half turned around in the chair of the desk right in front of her own. Nicky chuckled and reached a hand across to poke playfully at one of her cheeks.
"Hey, kid. Fancy meetin' you here, yeah?" The comment caused a matching snicker out of Lorna which only strengthened the warmth through Nicky's body as she caressed her thumb lightly along the cheek her hand remained touching around.
Having been rather preoccupied observing her redhead girlfriend for the last fifteen minutes of class, it wasn't hard for Lorna to see there was something amiss with her. She couldn't figure out whether it was a good or problematic amiss but nonetheless her concern stayed intact. Her hand copied the movement of Nicky's, reaching out and framing its palm softly onto the flesh of her cheek. Slowly and gently Lorna moved her palm around the surrounding region hoping to bring some comfort to the other.
Though Nicky's joking demeanor got a chuckle out of her, Lorna rapidly fixed her expression back into a more serious one. Eyes gazed fiercely ahead into Nicky's trying to read them the best they could. Tear stains were quick to be picked up on which only increased the worry Lorna was already experiencing towards her girlfriend. A sigh moved its way through her lungs and out of her mouth. Now it was her turn to take care of Nicky, to question her until she became aware of the problem seemingly taking some kind of a toll on her.
"Have you been cryin', hon?" Lorna queried, eyebrows arched concerningly above each of her eyes that stared intensely onto the face of girlfriend. She traced her thumb all the way from its spot on her cheek up towards to the corner of one of her brown eyes where a tear was easily observed by her own. The thumb delicately wiped it away and then stroked around the flesh below in a tender manner. Concern strengthened with each second that passed by.
Nicky swallowed thickly at that. Now, sitting there with Lorna turned around and focused on her, she felt her chest tighten along with a knot molding into the pit of her stomach. She didn't know whether to share the news with her or not—knowing Lorna and her sister still had yet to even hear anything on their legal guardianship and yet, here she was with Red now her appointed guardian. The guilt was immense. She didn't want to cause any tension between the pair of them but she also wasn't fond of keeping secrets from Lorna.
She sighed, reaching a hand up and covering it over to the smaller one resting on her cheek. Her thumb delicately caressed around Lorna's knuckles while their eyes melded together. "I'll tell ya during lunch, okay? We'll go in one a the bathroom's and talk, how's that? It'd be more private so we wouldn't have to worry about anyone eavesdropping," Nicky pointed out, shoulders bouncing up as she spoke.
Lorna nodded and gave one last pat to her cheek before reluctantly prying her focus back onto the chalkboard at the front of the room. She much rather spend the class with her attention on Nicky but knew she needed to actually listen to what the teacher was going on about. Her grades needed to be improved upon so she could graduate the same year Nicky did.
Lunch time arrived shortly after despite to both Lorna and Nicky feeling as though a couple of decades had passed between their math class and now. The two promptly arrived in their desired bathroom—one they knew wasn't as popular as the others—and made their way into the largest stall so there would be room for both of them to sit on the floor. Nicky leaned back so her spine was pressing onto the cold wall behind it and snaked her arms around Lorna once she felt her plop down right beside her.
Her arms naturally pulled Lorna onto her lap, securing themselves protectively around her petite waist. Air exhaled through the nostrils of her nose as she faintly swayed from one side to the other. The guilt grew a little heavier now with Lorna in her arms and their eyes merely looking into one another. Concern was easy to observe in Lorna's brown ones which only made the guilt feel even more daunting. She wondered if this guilt happened to be the same Lorna experienced when it came to food and eating. It was fucking suffocating, she thought with a shake of her head.
The tension wasn't difficult for Lorna to observe and feel. She frowned, lifting both of her hands and framing them around each one of Nicky's cheeks. Fingertips stroked around the length of both. "What's bothering you, honey? I was watching ya in math class and I saw ya cryin' a little. Is everything okay? Are you struggling with algebra too? Maybe we can work on the assignments together tonight, yeah?"
Instinctively a light-hearted chuckle sounded through Nicky's airway. Arms tightened around Lorna's waist while her lips pressed onto the top of her head. Her heart filled with warmth to hear Lorna's pure reasoning behind her own tears. And that purity only furthered the guilty knot in Nicky's stomach. She felt a sigh building up within her and reluctantly allowed it to flow outward. Despite the conflicting battle going on inside her head, she knew it was best to be completely open and honest with Lorna about the situation. If she ever wanted Lorna to do the same, she had to abide by that as well.
"Nah, it's not a negative explanation for why I mighta been cryin' a little. It's good, really good. And was very unexpected—I'm still tryna to understand it all and shit. But ya don't have to worry, kid," Nicky softly assured, pulling Lorna closer while running her hands delicately along the sides of Lorna's body.
The frown quickly morphed into a smile upon the disclosure the older teen shared. Worry and concerned faded into relief. Lorna twisted the position of her body so she was facing Nicky directly and replaced both of her hands lovingly around either side of her face. Fingers softly caressed along the flesh of each cheek. "Well, what is it then? And why do ya still look a bit down, hon? If it's a good thing you should smile," she murmured, her own smile dimming slightly when she noticed the twitch of a frown on the other's face.
Her face leaned closer to Nicky's and she naturally let her lips peck softly onto the tip of her nose. Eyes noticed a few loose strands of red curls falling over Nicky's and immediately Lorna raised a hand up to stroke them affectionately out of the way. "Whatever it is it must be real overwhelming if you're not able to smile, hon. Now ya gotta tell me for real."
"I mean yeah it's a bit overwhelming you could say," the older teen agreed, inching her face closer as well and allowing their foreheads to meld together as the pair so often found themselves doing. Air huffed out of her as she looked right into Lorna's brown eyes. "Yesterday, ma and I were having coffee and she handed me a packet of papers. She was way too excited about these papers and she showed me where to look on them…and to make the story short, kid, Red is legally my guardian now. I don't have to worry about Marka or Les tryna to take me away from her—not that they would even care to but it's nice to know they have no legal rights to me anymore."
"Nicky, that's really great news. I'm real happy for ya, hon, and you should be happy too. Why do ya sound so down though? This is a real good thing for you, honey," Lorna pressed another kiss to Nicky's nose while returning her gaze with a compassionate one of her own. It didn't take long before her eyes caught a glimpse of a few straggling tears running along Nicky's cheeks.
The disgruntled expression on Nicky's face had Lorna's chest deeply aching to understand the reason behind it. She resituated the pair of them so that she was the one holding Nicky against her front while her spinal cord pressed into the brick wall in back of it. Fingers combed their way soothingly through the thick strands of red hair cascading from Nicky's scalp. "What's making you cry, honey? Aren't you happy to have Red as your permanent guardian?" Her voice murmured directly into one of her ears where her lips were pressing onto the rim of.
A sleeve covered arm was brought up to her face and used to vastly wipe at the numerous tears which had snuck their way out. Nicky snuffled out a breath, wrapping her other arm around Lorna's upper body. Naturally, she let their bodies press into one another—needing the pressure for her own distress. Distress at the thought that she was getting with Red what Lorna desperately needed with Franny. And she hadn't even fucking done anything to make it happen. It just happened, on its own without her even needing to think once about it.
She sensed the tightening of Lorna's delicate arms around her waist and that alone was enough to make the guilt she felt a tad bit worse. It didn't feel fair that she was getting what her girlfriend had been obsessing over since the whole gun chasing debacle took place nearly an entire month ago now. Had the universe truly been that much against Lorna? That it would give the things she craved for to all the people around her? Nicky was beginning to believe so and she could only imagine Lorna must have been thinking the same. Of course, she knew, Lorna would never say that aloud to her. But it certainly wouldn't be a surprise to her if in secret Lorna felt the same way about the universe.
"I'm so happy Red's my guardian now, my official guardian but I just—I feel kinda bad, doll, I wasn't sure if I should tell ya because I know you and Franny are still waitin' to hear back about for yours and I didn't wanna upset you or make you feel bad—"
Lorna instantly secured her hold on Nicky and interjected her frantic speech with a tender kiss on the lips. When she moved their lips apart once more she cupped Nicky's entire face in her hands, looking her over with an overpowering amount of affection oozing from her brown eyes. She shook her head as a small frown molded from the corners of her mouth. The last thing she wanted was for Nicky to feel guilty over something that she was incredibly deserving of.
Thumbs caressed tiny circles around the flesh of each cheek she had a hand cradled around. She sighed softly, tilting her head as her stare was retained on Nicky the entire time. "Honey, I'm not upset that you have Red as your guardian just because I still gotta wait for Franny to get hers approved. Ya don't gotta be worried about that, Nicky, really. Please tell me ya haven't been feeling all guilty over this? Nicky?"
Instinctively, Nicky squeezed Lorna closer to her and dropped a warm kiss atop her head. Tears were too many for her to stop them from falling. They freely escaped out of her eyes while her chin rested itself onto one of Lorna's shoulders. "I mean I do feel a little guilty, doll. You've been waiting for so long for her to get it approved and I didn't even know ma was doing this. It's like the universe just loves to throw everything in your face, ya know? I don't want you to keep seeing things you want happening to everyone but you and then hurt yourself in private about it, yeah? I know how bad you want Franny to get guardianship of you and I just—I don't want this to upset you, kid."
"I'm not upset over this, Nicky. I'm happy for you, I really am—please stop feeling bad, you deserve this. I don't want ya feelin' guilty and shit, hon, you can't control what happens," Lorna told her, resting her cheek on the side of Nicky's head that was laying on her shoulder. Lips pressed onto the corner of her temple as she shut her eyes and exhaled a sigh.
The comment made it rather hard for Nicky to resist from allowing out a snicker. Lorna using the words she spoke to her against her took her slightly by surprise. Or rather had her wishing Lorna would see the irony in what she was telling her. Why couldn't Lorna ever say those things to herself? Why couldn't Lorna treat herself with the same compassion she treated her with? A sigh expelled from her lungs as she forced herself out of her spiraling mind. Now was not the time to be having a mental argument.
Instead, Nicky brought her focus back onto the very Lorna who currently sat cradling her and curved her lips in a frown. "Lorna, you're too fucking good for this corrupted planet. You deserve what you want, too, ya know that? And I swear to god I will make sure you get what you're after, I fucking mean it," the words spilled sternly from her mouth.
Shaking her head, Lorna lifted it and peered at the other with arched eyebrows. However, a light-hearted laugh sounded through her windpipe to alert Nicky she wasn't bothered by her. "Yeah? How ya gonna do that, hon?"
"I'll go to the damn courthouse myself and make them approve your sister's guardianship of you," Nicky responded in a matter-of-fact tone, shoulders recoiling along with it.
"Oh, honey, I wish it was that easy. But I doubt they'll listen to a teenager. I do, however, appreciate that you would do that for me. You're the sweetest girlfriend ever, Nicky. I love you and you needa come home with me after school—I have somethin' I wanna do for ya, hon."
The pair entered in through the door of Lorna's sister's apartment walking right into what sounded like a screaming match with how harshly the walls vibrated from forceful yelling piercing through a nearby room. Lorna immediately rolled her eyes and facepalmed herself as she dragged Nicky along to the kitchen. So much for her plans of doing something nice for Nicky, she irritatingly thought to herself. They entered the kitchen and Lorna quickly went to work at preparing a pot of coffee. The only thing she felt she could do with the blatant arguing happening just down the hall. An argument she curiously wondered what it was about.
Once the filter was placed inside the coffee maker along with a decent heaping of fresh ground beans, Lorna filled the water reservoir with enough to make four good cups. After replacing the pot back beneath the filter and flicking the switch on, she turned away and made her way over to the island counter using her hand to motion for Nicky to join her. It didn't take long for Nicky to follow suit and once she did so, Lorna reached a hand over to grab a hold of one of hers with.
"You okay, kid?" Nicky broke the silence when she felt the intensely tight squeeze Lorna's hand was giving her own. She turned her head to face her and felt her lips morph into a frown upon observing the slight trepidation seeping from her girlfriend's brown eyes. "Aw, doll, do ya want me to go see what the yelling's about?"
A smile pursed onto Lorna's face impulsively after she heard the offer the older teen made her; out of instinct she shook her head and squeezed the hand she held a little tighter. "I'm fine, hon. I just I wanted to make a nice Italian dinner for ya tonight but just hearing my sista shoutin' kinda ruined that for me. I'm sorry, hon. I really wanted to do something special for ya and I'm mad at myself for not havin' the energy to do it anymore," her voice tremored a faint amount as she tried to hold in the sniffles that were threatening to escape her.
Nicky saw the trembling of her lips and quickly jumped up from the stool she was sat on so she could walk the few inches over to where Lorna sat. Not a second longer went by before her arms were protectively encircling around Lorna's waist and pulling her up from her chair and up against Nicky's chest. Nicky pressed a warm kiss atop her head then let her chin rest on the same spot. "Baby, it's fine. Let's just have a cup of coffee and relax, yeah? Please don't be hard on yourself."
Chapter Text
Chapter Ninety-Five
Their conversation was soon interrupted by the coffee machine's loudly brewing the finishing touches of liquid into the half-filled up vessel underneath it. Lorna reluctantly forced herself out of Nicky's arms to go and retrieve a couple of mugs from their respective cabinets. With one held by each of her hands, she carried them over to the counter right next to the coffee maker. Before going to grab creamer and sweetener for her own cup Lorna settled on preparing Nicky's first since all it required was the plain black coffee itself.
The mug was filled up to the three quarter mark—or rather the invisible three quarter mark—and then carefully carried it back to the kitchen island where Nicky remained seated at. She set it gently down on the surface in front of her before quickly turning to go finish preparing her own coffee. Only a matter of seconds was what it took for her to finish said task; she returned to the table with her golden brown—what she deemed perfect—cup of coffee, situating herself in the stool right beside Nicky.
As she brought her mug up for a sip, she finally noticed the yelling had stopped. A sigh of relief sounded through her once she'd swallowed down the perfectly heated coffee. At least whatever was going on with Franny she and Nicky didn't have to unintentionally listen in on any longer. She put her mug onto the island's countertop and shifted her position to more accurately face Nicky. Lips slightly perked up into a smile but just as fast as they did that they relaxed back into their normal flat-lined position.
Yet, she couldn't even open her mouth to say anything to Nicky from the interjection of Franny's footsteps loudly clanging against the hard floor from wherever she had previously been through the archway of the kitchen. Both her and Nicky's attention was drastically shifted onto the blatantly distressed Franny who was completely oblivious to their presence as she went to the fridge and took out a bottle of wine from it, setting it on the counter just a smidge to the left of the fridge and then went to grab a glass out of one of the cupboards.
Lorna swallowed uneasily but kept her eyes on her sister, watching as she poured the wine to the mere top of the glass. She also watched Franny sip it without even lifting the glass from the counter in order to avoid a possible spillage. The longer her eyes lingered on her sister the more anxious she became. If Franny was pouring that much wine for herself then surely whatever she had been yelling and screaming about couldn't have been good. She was merely too anxious to even question Franny on the matter. Unsure if she wanted to find out what it was.
However, her curiosity got the better of her and that didn't take long to happen once she felt some of her anxiety dissipate away. And after, she'd observed as Franny sip down nearly half the red liquid in the glass she now was able to properly grasp a hand around. Lorna copied her movements and prepared herself for the interrogation by taking a long sip of her coffee. The cup was set back down before she took it upon herself to somehow gain her sister's attention.
A loud clearing of her throat was enough to do the trick. Within seconds she witnessed the rotation of Franny's head in her direction. Now that she had a clear shot of her sister's face, she noticed the exhaustion displayed upon it. Faded tear marks were also easily visible to her eyes and only furthered the knot which had only recently formed in the pit of her stomach. "What, uh, what were ya screamin' about, Fran? Were you and Mikey fighting or something?"
Franny looked at her with wide eyes but didn't say anything right away. Instead, she tightened her grasp on her wine glass and made her way over to the island so she could sit down with the pair of teens. Once settled in a spot, she raised the glass to her lips and sucked down merely the rest of the wine in one go. "Sorry, hon, I didn't mean for you two to hear that. I didn't even realize you were here," she admitted, placing her empty glass onto the surface and reaching both hands onto each of her temples.
Eyes returned her sister's stare and a breath of air excreted itself from her nose. Just another thing she hated having to inform Lorna of—she loathed being the one to have to share all the bad news with her. To be the one who would have to unwillingly ruin her mood or day or both, it certainly wasn't her most fond thing to have to take part in. But she knew keeping things from Lorna would only add more tension on their already tense relationship. So she drew in a deep breath and folded her arms over her chest in preparation.
"No, hon, I wasn't fighting with Mikey. He's out at the park with Marco," Franny quickly assured her though the expression on her face remained rather indistinguishable. The same air that she just sucked in forcefully and loudly made its way right back out. "I was on the phone with that idiot CPS lady tryna see if she could give me some damn answers about the status of my guardianship file and of course she had nothin'. She was a real bitch too about it. She was sayin' somethin' about how if ya don't stay with the Chapman's like your supposed to they'll have to put ya in a detention center until this whole thing is sorted. So I ended up in a yelling match with her and probably made it all worse but god, I'm fuckin' sick a how ya always end up with the shit end of the stick. Those goddamn Chapmans don't fight for you and I don't think it's fair that ya gotta stay there with them. I told her she can fucking put me in jail before I ever force you to go back with them."
Having been silently sat in the seat on the other side of Lorna, Nicky couldn't resist from allowing out a chuckle at the last comment made by Franny. Comfort washed over her to know Lorna's siblings were both there to look after her as well, making sure she was properly taken care of and given the compassion she was oh so worthy of. At least there were more people in Lorna's life that wanted what was best for her than those who only wanted to do her harm. The good people certainly outweighed the bad people and for that Nicky was utterly grateful for. Her Lorna deserved all the love and compassion she could possibly get.
"So wait a minute, this CPS lady is sayin' they can put Lorna in a fucking juvenile facility over this? What the actual hell insanity is that?" Nicky's face scrunched up as she tried to gain an understanding of such a revelation. Since when was wanting to live with people who cared about oneself a damn fucking crime? Anger lines creased onto her forehead the more she pondered over it. That was about the most ridiculous thing she'd ever heard in her entire life.
Brown eyes squinted and then widened as the words absorbed into her brain. Lorna gripped tighter onto her coffee mug's handle, though it remained resting on the countertop, as she gazed widely between her girlfriend and older sister. "Juvenile facility? Ya mean they wanna throw me in prison for kids? I'm gonna be in a kid prison if I don't stay with Mr. and Mrs. Chapman?" Her voice merely shook from how frantically she spoke. She gulped so harshly that it was visible for all to see.
The shakiness in her younger sister's voice encouraged Franny to go and pour herself a second glass of wine. When she returned with it, she drank down half of it and placed it back where it resided before. An uneasy breath sucked in through her nose. Franny placed a hand softly on one of Lorna's shoulders while peering firmly into her eyes. "I'm not gonna let them do that to ya, Lorn. This whole thing is fucking bullshit. How the fuck hard is it for them to fucking look over the damn paperwork I sent them and approve the damn thing? I just don't fucking get it. You're my damn sista, what do they think I'm gonna do? I fuckin' been lookin' after ya since mom died anyway so I don't get why the CPS thinks these asshole Chapmans can take betta care a ya than me," anger heavily seethed through her teeth as she fumbled over her words.
Another sip of wine was taken to calm her nerves. But soon after she put it back her eyes widened vastly. Was she turning into their father by using wine as a coping mechanism for her anger? She swallowed thickly and released her hand from her sister's shoulder. "I'm just as bad as dad," she let it slip out from her now faintly trembling mouth. "I didn't report the abuse and now I'm drinking like dad used to do. That's why they won't give me guardianship of you, Lorn," her voice suddenly grew quieter and her cheeks moistened from tears she hadn't even noticed were falling along them.
"I'm not any better than dad and I can't take care a ya like ya should be. I'm so sorry, hon—"
Seeing her older sister's unexpected outburst quickly formed tears in her own eyes. Lorna rapidly got up from her stool and went over to Franny, who was just a couple of inches away, throwing her arms tightly around her upper body in a soothing embrace. It was very rare for her to witness Franny's breakdowns—something she'd only really seen during and leading up to their mother's death and funeral. A disheartened breath exhaled out of her nose as she squeezed the older brunette even tighter.
"Fran, you're not like dad at all. Stop talking like that—you're one a the most caring and nicest people I know and I think these CPS people are just real stupid if they think differently," Lorna hurriedly reassured her, giving a comforting kiss to Franny's cheek before letting her head rest on the shoulder nearest her. A tightness formed in her chest to know how upset the phone call made her eldest sibling. The one person who hadn't stopped from looking after her even when she knew all she was doing was causing her the utmost frustration.
Both of the people she cared so deeply for were seeming to be struggling quite significantly today and all Lorna wanted was to make things okay for them. Wanted to hug both of them until all of their stresses poofed out of existence. It would make life a whole lot easier if hugs had the ability to accomplish something like that she thought while securing her grasp even more on Franny's upper back. "Franny, we both know if ya did do anything about dad he woulda made things real hard for ya. That ain't got nothin' to do with you not being able to take care a me now. You're a real great big sista and I know I'm a lot to deal with—I wouldn't be shocked if I drive ya to drink sometimes. That's probably why dad was an alcoholic. I don't blame people for needing alcohol to deal with me, fuck, I can't even deal with me without wanting to pull out all my damn hair," Lorna tried to lighten the mood with a joke but the look Franny gave her showed her her attempt was a failure.
"That's not funny, Lorn. Not even a little bit. I love you and you do frustrate me a lot but you're never to blame for anything I choose to do. And you're not fucking to blame for any damn thing dad's ever done." Anger had fizzled into faded sniffling. Franny huffed out a breath, reaching a hand up to wipe at her tears before returning the embrace her sister was giving to her. She combed a hand gently through Lorna's brown waves and gave a maternal kiss over the top of her head before releasing the hug as well as moving herself from within it.
"But how come you're allowed to blame yourself for stuff that's happened? Ain't that double standards, Fran?"
Lines creased heavily on her forehead as she, too, got up and moved away from the island. She followed behind Franny, who was busy washing her empty glass in the kitchen sink, and leaned against the counter nearby. Hands folded on her hips as she watched the taller brunette with precise eyes. The sound of the water being turned off and the glass clanking against the plastic rack inside of the drying part of the sink alerted Lorna that her sister had finished and now was headed over to the coffee pot.
There remained just enough liquid in the pot for one final cup Franny's eyes simply took note of as she grabbed it from underneath the filter and poured it into a mug she had previously set out. A headache had slowly started to form after she had gulped down the last of what was left of her wine only a couple of minutes prior to this. She sighed and lifted the mug to her lips, sipping it a lot less intensely as she'd done the wine. Her hopes were that the coffee would counteract the alcohol and neutralize her headache so that it would fade away.
Gradually, the ache between her temples lessened and she was able to finally catch her breath from all the emotions which swirled through her body the past several minutes. The mug remained cradled in her hand but she now stood with her spine slightly pressing into the rim of the countertop she had turned away from. Blue eyes fixed their gaze on Lorna who hadn't once looked away from her. A sigh pounced through the airway leading up out of her lungs to her mouth.
She placed her free hand on her temple and rubbed methodically over it to ease the remaining dull ache away. "Look, Lorn, let's just stop talking about this whole thing right now. I can't think about it anymore tonight, it's already causing my forehead to throb and I gotta start fixin' dinner for Marco. You're stayin' here tonight, I already made that clear with the CPS so just go do your homework or somethin' with Nicky, okay? I need the kitchen. Alone."
The two teens retreated to Lorna's bedroom not long after the request was made by her sister. They each plopped down on the mattress of her bed and Lorna grunted out a frustrated breath. She lifted both hands to the sides of her face, smashing her cheeks inward as she grunted out a second time. Frustration was certainly an understatement of how she was feeling right then and there. All she wanted was a simple evening with her girlfriend—a simple evening of preparing one simple damn meal for her and that was quickly ruined by her own damn problems as fucking usual.
A thickness of saliva had gathered at the bottom her throat. The more she tried to swallow the worse the sensation grew. She shook her head in anger and forced herself into an upright sitting position. She reached behind her for a pillow, bringing it up to her face so she could loudly scream into it for several long seconds. When she finished, she felt no different. None of her problems magically went away. Nothing was any better but her body felt less tense than it had upon entering her bedroom.
"Hey," Nicky softly called out sitting up now as well. A hand reached the few inches across to place gently onto the top of Lorna's shoulder. Their eyes met and a breath got slightly caught up in Nicky's throat. It was rather obvious the discomfort Lorna was experiencing in that moment by the way her forehead scrunched up with agonizing lines all along it. Nicky sighed, lifting her other hand up and onto the flesh of her cheek. She used her thumb to stroke from one side to the other.
Lorna snuffled a bit and fixed her stare on Nicky. She forced her lips into a smile despite every part of her feeling the complete opposite of what a damn smile stood for. But the last thing she wanted was for Nicky to feel fucking guilty over all that had just occurred. She scooted herself closer to Nicky, encircling both of her arms tightly around her body and letting her head naturally fall onto one of her shoulders. "Sorry bout' that, hon. I guess I shoulda known something would go wrong, huh? Seems like that's all that happens with us Morello's. We're real magnets for bad luck," she felt a light chuckle escape her following what she had said.
The comment did not receive a chuckle from Nicky. All it gained from her was a frown and a reciprocation of the hug Lorna was giving her. Nicky snaked her arms protectively around Lorna's waist and closened their bodies so that there were no empty gaps between them. Out of instinct, her lips made their way onto the top of Lorna's head and pressed a kiss lovingly down onto it. Fingers stroked along the spine which was near where her arms had been cradling around.
"Babe, you know none a this is anything ya need to be apologizing for. Even Franny told ya not to be blaming yourself. I'm sorry that things just keep getting messier and messier for you, doll. It's frustrating, isn't it? I know it has to be because just when one thing gets better something else happens—who the hell wouldn't be frustrated and upset dealin' with all that, yeah?"
Lifting a hand up to her head Lorna nervously used it to slick back her hair. Subconsciously, and without her voluntary consent, her head nodded in response to each word her girlfriend had spoken only seconds earlier. The frustration was seemingly endless just as the obstacles which were constantly being thrown in her path. Nicky was absolutely correct to say all that she had—once one problem had been squared away or at least improved upon another one directly popped up right after.
Removing her hand from the spot above her forehead Lorna slightly edged herself back from Nicky's arms and leaned her body down until it was leaning onto the pillow and mattress underneath the both of them. She stared straight up from where she now was resting and her eyes were melding into the compassionate ones of her girlfriend's. Shoulders slumped at her sides. No matter how hard she or they both tried to dig herself out of the hole they'd never truly reach the top of it. More debris and rocks would find their way in. She'd always come right back to the same spot.
It was more than tempting to want to throw in the towel and give the hell up. More than anything Lorna wanted to do exactly that. Her mind was tired, her body was tired, she was fucking tired. She had a hunch Nicky was likely tired, too. But Nicky never stopped from being right there beside her. Never ceased from supporting and loving her. Hands reached up and rested on either side of her forehead each rubbing at a corresponding temple.
As tempting as it was to give up, Lorna knew she couldn't. Too many people would be hurt if she made such a decision. But a break certainly couldn't be a bad thing, she tried to compromise with herself. Something she knew wasn't the easiest. She was way too stubborn to listen to anyone including her own damn self. Jesus Christ. She wouldn't blame Franny if she did drink because of her—Lorna wanted to drink because of her and she wasn't even fucking close to being the legal age to do so.
She sighed and dug the tips of her fingers roughly into the flesh of her adjacent temples. Focus was gradually shifted back onto Nicky and the conversation the pair were previously having. Teeth grinded slightly into the sides of her tongue's flesh. "Yeah, I guess. I just wanted us to come here and have one evening a peace. I was gonna make spaghetti like my mom used to do but I guess the universe really fucking hates me, huh? Or maybe both a us? I don't fucking know. I'm sorry, hon, I always ruin things for us. And I don't even do it on purpose. I just really don't get it."
It didn't take long before Lorna's voice noticeably cracked and her cheeks moistened with numerous tears. She tried to hide them by covering her face with the pillow right beneath it. However, her attempt did not succeed because soon enough she felt the mattress sinking right beside her and a warm hand lifted her face from where she had hid it.
Nicky carefully lain next to Lorna and brought her hands softly around each moist cheek. She wiped delicately at each one to remove the tears and then lovingly placed Lorna's head right down onto her chest. One hand remained securely in place around the crown of her head while she moved the other to hold around her spine. "Stop being sorry, doll," her voice warmly started, breath trickling into the ear she had her lips pressing against the rim of.
Fingers stroked softly around the crown of the head she held her hand behind while her eyes peered compassionately into those of her girlfriend's. Her heart constricted to see the tears that continued to pool out from them. She brushed her lips soothingly over the ear she had only seconds ago spoken into. "Just relax here with me, okay? I know a lotta shit's been piling up on you lately and I know it's taking a real big toll on ya, babe. You don't have to pretend it's not in fronta me. You don't have to hide how you're feeling from me, Lorna. If ya wanna cry, please cry but don't—please don't hide your tears from me," a slight crack inflected through her voice as her own emotions came to the surface. A sniffle followed shortly after as she curled onto her side with Lorna's back naturally curling up against her front.
Her arms tightened dramatically around Lorna, pulling her even closer. So close that if she yearned for anymore closeness between them it would render them one entity. A hard swallow was gulped down. Nicky pressed her chin onto the top of Lorna's head and swayed softly from side to side. She moved her hand a small amount, letting her fingers softly comb through the thick strands of brown waves. "I'm here for you, baby, always and you don't have to be afraid of letting your emotions out with me. I promise. I'm not gonna abandon you for that or for anything. I love you, I love you so fucking much. I will love you no matter what, kid. But it's important to be honest with me and for me to be honest with you, yeah?"
Lorna pressed her face into Nicky's chest and wrapped her arms desperately around her neck. The tears wouldn't stop no matter how fucking hard she tried to suck them right back up. Sniffles forced their way out without the ability to be resisted. Why did her body have to fight against her at this exact moment? Why did her life have to fucking do the same thing? Was it so hard for her life to just cooperate with her for one damn single fucking evening?
"Ya want me to be honest with you?" She felt Nicky's chin wobble slightly against the top of her head which she assumed was due to the nodding of her head. Lorna sighed, burying herself even further into the older girl's secure embrace. Tears hadn't ceased and she was certain they were soaking through the cotton of Nicky's shirt into her flesh underneath. It wouldn't have surprised if that was the case, anyway. Air sucked in her open mouth and rattled down her windpipe as sobs tried to come up at the same time.
"Yes, baby, all I want is for you to be honest with me," Nicky murmured in response. Hands massaging slowly and gently through the scalp of Lorna's head that rested right underneath her chin. She pressed her front further into the back of Lorna's, hoping for the pressure between them to bring even a smidge of comfort to the other. But the sensation of a warm liquid hitting her chest informed her that tears had still been falling from Lorna's eyes. A sad sigh sounded through her larynx.
Arms strengthened fiercely around Lorna's smaller frame, keeping her as close to her own body as humanly possible. She could feel the knots in her head as she stroked around it and the tension in her back as it settled against her abdomen. Both of which only encouraged her own eyes to excrete a plethora of tears. Somehow she felt as if this entire situation was her own fault. If she had kept quiet about the whole guardianship with she and Red maybe this dilemma for Lorna and Franny would have never even occurred at all.
Anger slightly settled in the pit of her stomach but once she felt Lorna's body unexpectedly tremble against her that same anger swiftly dissipated from existence. Instead Nicky put all of her focus on cuddling Lorna, pressing her lips warmly from one side of her head to the other. Stroking fingers from the top of her head to the bottom where it met with her neck. "It's okay, it's okay. Let it all out, baby, let all of it out," her voice huskily soothed into an ear she had her mouth softly pressed against.
This time a few sobs shook through Lorna's body and inadvertently caused Nicky's body to shake as well. Nicky swallowed uneasily but hadn't faltered her hold on the younger teen one ounce. She continued with the soothing stroking around her scalp along with now also brushing her lips along the flesh of the ear they still remained hovering over. "I'm right here, Lorna, I'm right here. I won't let you go, yeah? You can cry right here in my arms where you're safe from everything else. You don't have to keep it all inside anymore. You need to let it out because your body is so tense, I can feel every knot and bump and it's breaking my heart for you."
"I just," it was proving to be a challenge to speak with all the crying and sniffling that refused to let up any. She tried to suck in some air through her open mouth but all that accomplished were a few more sobs trembling out of her in its place. "I, uh, I, just erm I just wish," the words kept fumbling together the more Lorna tried to speak. Tears were flooding not only her cheeks but soaking a puddle onto the cotton of Nicky's t-shirt right where her face was pressing into.
"Shh," Nicky murmured, rubbing a hand slowly around the spine it was grasping around. "Shh, it's okay. Everything's okay, doll. You're allowed to feel your emotions. You're allowed to be comforted," she kept going, brushing the tips of her fingers from the top of Lorna's back right at the base of her neck all the way down to right where her tail bone started. Lips pressed gingerly onto the crown of Lorna's head as she continued the soothing motion up and down her back. There wasn't anything else she craved to do right now other than to cradle and comfort her clearly distressed girlfriend.
The compassion seeping from Nicky's voice was merely overwhelming for Lorna to take in and accept. Her head shook out of instinct. She knew she had no right to be comforted in the way Nicky currently happened to be doing so for her. Having the loving arms of her girlfriend around her, pulling her close and keeping her safe—none of that was okay, was something she should be allowing herself to relax into. Of course there was a part of her that wanted to give in and let it happen but the damn self-loathing wouldn't fucking stop. Wouldn't fucking allow her to accept any such thing.
Her brain hurt from how much mental anguish the silent battle was causing her. She lifted both hands and placed them on either side of her temples. Their palms pressed into the sides in the hopes the pressure would somehow neutralize the building ache but ended up doing the complete opposite. The ache intensified and she screamed out an exasperated cry. There was no reasoning with herself. She had no idea how to handle the unrelenting self-hatred that never ceased from boiling inside her entire being.
"You don't have to say another word, doll. Just let me cuddle you and rock you, will ya?" Nicky softly stated after witnessing Lorna's heartrending behavior. She chewed down on the side of her mouth, the only thing she could think to do to keep herself from also breaking down in such a way. One arm completely wrapped around Lorna's midback which innately pulled her even further into her while she used her other hand to reach for the comforter, bringing it up to securely wrap around the both of them. She sighed and settled her lips a mere inch from Lorna's ear, "You're safe here with me, sweetheart, always."
Chapter 97
Notes:
Just wanted to say thank you to everyone who is still taking the time to read this seemingly never-ending story of mine, it means so much to me.
Chapter Text
Chapter Ninety-Six
The office had a slightly chilly breeze running through it. Lorna pulled on the sleeve of her sweater grateful she had chosen to wear something warmer today. Her eyes gazed directly in front of her onto the rather intensely typing therapist who sat straight up on the desk-chair right on the other side of the wooden desk. The sound of her fingers softy clanking against the keys on the keyboard caused a soothing sensation in the form of several warm tingles sprouting about Lorna's scalp.
Not before long, Doctor Washington finished writing up the email and clicked on the send button using the left side of her mouse. She turned away from her computer to return the stare Lorna was seemingly giving to her. A friendly, somewhat saddened, smile appeared on her face as she did so. "Sorry about that, I was just finishing an email," she apologized, pushing her chair out from the corner where the computer resided and over towards the center of her desk.
Hands rummaged around the surface for her current client's note tablet and file from the filing cabinet attached to the side of the desk. All of which was settled on the spot right in front of where she had her chair positioned. She flipped through the notepad to the next available clean page and then flipped through the manila folder until she came to the last set of paperwork added to it from their last session.
"How've you been doing, Lorna? Have you been following your doctor's orders?" Poussey questioned with arched eyebrows. She watched as Lorna nodded but then shifted her eyes onto the redhead beside her for confirmation. When Nicky gave a lesser enthusiastic head bob she nodded back and clasped her hands together. At least Lorna was listening for a change, she thought to herself.
A parchedness formed in Lorna's mouth the longer she sat there. She swallowed down to try to moisten her mouth back up but the sensation hadn't done a thing to help. It was a rather discomfortable feeling that she couldn't deal with for long. She threw a hand up in the air and waved it about to gain her therapist's attention. Once she had, she pointed at her throat and drew an invisible glass in the air with her other hand. As if playing a game of charades with Doctor Washington.
"Uh, can I have something to uh drink, please? My mouth is real dry and it's real uncomfortable," Lorna nervously asked, tilting her head down so that her eyes were gazing right onto the speckled pattern of the floor beneath where her feet were dangling right above. Guilt shouldn't have been something she felt after politely requesting a quite simple thing and yet, guilt was all she felt now. It was stupid—she was fucking stupid. Her brain had to have been wired wrong when she was conceived. What the fuck kind of normal person had even half of the thoughts she did?
While the therapist was busy abiding by Lorna's request, Nicky took that time to gently grab a hold of one of her hands. Not long after she'd heard Lorna ask the question she observed the shameful demeanor that seemed to quickly overtake her. Her chest heaved with a dull, nagging, ache. She loathed that simple things brought so much guilt for Lorna. It wasn't right. No one should feel guilty over asking for a drink or for consuming enough calories just to survive another day. She shook her head and brushed her thumb tenderly along each of Lorna's knuckles. The guilt she had experienced with the guardianship dilemma couldn't even compare to what Lorna must have been dealing with. Not even a smidge to the shame she witnessed Lorna experience day in and day out.
Doctor Washington came over a moment later and handed a cup of water to Lorna. Instead of retreating back to her desk, however, she perched herself on the chair next to Lorna. Her body twisted itself around so that she was facing the brunette teenager completely. She stared her over precisely and drew in a deep breath when she realized her frame only appeared to be smaller than when she had met with her in the hospital. Once again she clasped her hands together as she simultaneously cleared her throat.
"Have you been making sure to eat every day, Lorna?" The question slipped out. A question she sensed would likely only cause more resistance for Lorna but one that she knew needed to be asked.
Slowly, the cup was raised up and Lorna hugged her lips to the rim of it in order to properly take in some of the water. Or, in her case, all of the water in one noisy gulp. She swallowed it down but the dryness in her mouth remained. Now a little less dry, yet dry, nonetheless. She held out the cup in her therapist's line of view and stared up at her with a neediness seeping through her brown eyes. "Can I uh can I have some more please? I literally feel like I could drink the entire ocean and that wouldn't even be enough water," she truthfully said, bringing her shoulders up against the sides of her face.
"Of course," the response was made between a couple of breaths.
Doctor Washington retrieved the cup from her client and went back to refill it with the water from the watercooler she had sitting on a skinny filing cabinet. When she returned a few seconds later, she watched as Lorna swiftly took it out of her grasp and chugged it down through her mouth. Concern quickly coursed through Poussey's veins upon witnessing the act. Something about it felt odd to her. She resituated herself in the chair beside Lorna and turned to face her once more. "You're really thirsty today. Have you been making sure to stay hydrated at home, Lorna? I mean you're welcome to have as much water as you want here but I'm just a little worried."
Lorna set the empty cup onto the small little table separating her chair from Nicky's and then turned slightly in her chair to fix her eyes on the therapist. Eyes squinted as they looked her over methodically. She slumped her shoulders back, throwing up her hands. "My mouth was just real dry, I don't know why you're worried over that. I mean is drinking water a problem?"
The edginess inflecting through her voice hadn't gone unnoticed by Nicky. Instantly her hand cradled securely around Lorna's, bringing it over to rest on her lap and placing her other one on top as well. Gently she caressed one of her thumbs from one side of Lorna's hand to the other. "You did kinda just down two cups of water in record speed, kid," Nicky carefully pointed out, staring compassionately across at the younger teen. Another delicate squeeze was given to her hand when she felt it tense.
"What like you never done that before, Nicky?" Lorna bit back, eyeing her distastefully.
She had the urge to fold her arms over her chest but couldn't with one of her hands being stuck in the grasp of Nicky's. Frustration oozed throughout her entire body. What the hell were they already trying to gang up on her for? And over some measly fucking water? The anger was cutting through her skin. Her head shook and teeth violently kicked at the floor beneath them. "Can ya both just get the hell off my back about it?"
Doctor Washington placed a hand firmly on the back of the chair Lorna was sitting on while peering intensely into her eyes. "You seem on edge now, Lorna. What's the matter?"
"Are ya fucking mocking me or something? I'm on edge? I'm on fucking edge?" Progressively Lorna's voice grew louder as she tried to piece together what the actual hell her therapist was trying to get at with such a fucking comment.
Eyebrows furrowed ragefully over two identically rage-filled eyes. Lorna longed to jump out of her seat and leave the damn room but she felt Nicky's hand tighten majorly around her own making that reality merely impossible. She twisted her head to look at Nicky and used her other hand to wave in her direction. "I need my hand back, Nicky," the words shrieked out of her, both anger and distress clouding her voice.
"No, sweetheart, you need to calm down. You're so tense I can feel it in your hand and I can't let it go until I massage away all the knots in it," Nicky murmured in response. Her head turned to meet Lorna's with and she felt the ache in her chest sharpen to observe all the agony taking up shape upon her face. She brought the hand she held up to her mouth, brushing her lips warmly over each pale little knuckle.
"No, I need my hand back so I can get the hell outta here. You're both tryna upset me and I don't wanna deal with it. Let me go, Nicky, please."
The desperation in Lorna's voice did not go unto deaf ears. Nicky shook her head in a highly fierce manner and rather than abiding by her girlfriend's pleading, she reached for her other hand as well and now cradled both in each of her own. "Lorna you're not running away from your problems anymore. This has to stop, doll. I know ya hate it but the only way you'll ever feel better is if you actually deal with them," she spoke firmly but kept her voice soft and tender along with her eyes which peered right into Lorna's brown ones.
Seeing the clear distress expressing itself on Lorna's face effortlessly caused a disheartened frown to find its way upon Nicky's. A sigh solemnly escaped out through her mouth as she tilted her head while still gazing softly into the pained eyes of her girlfriend. The pained eyes that looked on the brink of crying but were refused any such thing. Nicky sighed again and lifted both of the hands she held to her lips, pressing them tenderly over the top of each one.
"Both Dr. Poussey and I want to help ya, kid. We're not tryna gang up on ya or anything. I'm sorry if that's how ya feel but that's not what's happening here, I promise," she tried to gently reassure the younger girl but could see it in her eyes Lorna wasn't buying it. A breath huffed out of her as she caught a glimpse of a loose brown strand of hair dangling next to her ear. Nicky moved a hand towards it and once she was in touching distance she used her index finger to affectionately tuck the sparse piece of hair behind Lorna's ear with.
After sharing a quick glance with Nicky, Poussey returned her focus onto her blatantly distraught client and nodded her head slowly. Her hand still held its grasp on the top of the chair behind Lorna's head. "Your girlfriend is right, Lorna, we're not here to purposefully upset you. We know it's hard and it hurts to have to be vulnerable about the current situation you're in but you can't just keep pushing it aside and pretending everything's fine. You've been doing that already, Lorna, and look where that's gotten you," she stated in an even-toned voice while throwing her hands in the air and circling them around the room.
Lorna squinted her eyes at her. "You mean here? With a shrink who thinks I'm insane and a girlfriend who doesn't trust me to be alone for more than three seconds?"
Air sucked in and air sucked out. The therapist crossed one leg over her other as she tried to wrap her mind around Lorna and what could possibly be running amuck in that head of hers. More breaths inhaled and exhaled through her as she closely monitored the young brunette beside her. "Never once have I ever called you insane, Lorna. And I don't think Nicky has ever said she doesn't trust you to be alone, either." The air she had previously inhaled and exhaled came back for round two.
However, before she had the chance continue what she had been planning to say, Lorna jumped violently up from the chair beside her and started angry pacing the width of her office.
There was no plan Lorna realized the faster she walked around the room. Hands covered over the sides of her head while she tried to figure out what to do next. Defeat quickly overcame her, though, as she came to conclude there truly wasn't anything she could do to get out of this situation. Even if she had found a way out it would only be a matter of time before she was brought right back to it. The only real way she'd ever be able to permanently escape this was to be an adult and that wasn't for another three years.
Three years which in her mind equated to three fucking decades. Fingers dug into the sides of her head where her hands rested against but the sensation didn't help matters only caused a headache to form. She stopped from pacing and stood with her hips slightly leaning into the front of her therapists' desk. Her head was facing two evidently concerned people who remained seated in the chairs that Lorna once resided on as well. Both looking her over in those overly sympathetic expressions they were all too known to have around her.
Lorna reluctantly returned their stares with one of her own. Lips curved down into a frown. She fidgeted her hands into a smashed up ball and placed them uneasily between her legs. There wasn't anything she wanted more in that moment than to get the hell out of that damn office. Yet, she knew she would only worsen things if she decided on acting on such an urge. A sigh exhaustively escaped from her very slightly open mouth and she raised one of her hands up to slick back her hair.
"Is there a coffee machine somewhere in this building?" Eyebrows furrowed as she gave a hard glance in her therapists' direction. If she was going to have to be vulnerable like Dr. Washington and Nicky wanted, then she sure as hell was going to need coffee and a good damn amount of it.
Doctor Washington copied her facial movements with the sensation of her own eyebrows furrowing up. She crossed her arms over her chest but nodded her head in response. Interest peaked the longer she searched over her client's stance. A snuffle innately hiked its way up and out of her airway. "There's one right down the hall. Why is that?"
Rolling her neck along her shoulders, Lorna shifted her glance away from the woman and over onto the knob of the door. "Well, I need coffee. I mean," shoulders jolted up towards each of her cheeks, "if ya want me to be more open then I gotta have a lot a coffee. Is that allowed?"
"You're allowed to have coffee but I keep a coffee pot in here, remember? I can brew—"
A boisterous grunt came through the second Lorna heard the beginnings of Doctor Washington's disclosure. Her head shook out of irritation. The whole purpose of asking about the coffee machine was so she could at least get out of that claustrophobic room for a few goddamn minutes. She rubbed her fingertips violently into the temples of her forehead. "I would rather go get it from the machine down the hall. Please, I need air. It's too stuffy and hot in here."
Eyes were gradually narrowed in on her young client. Poussey finally stood up from the chair and walked a little nearer to Lorna. Her stare not at all faltering even the slightest. She stood a few feet away but stayed facing the other, arms now crossed over her chest. "Are you sure you're not just trying to use getting coffee as an excuse to get out of this session, Lorna?" The firmness in her voice rather noticeable, something she didn't allow out very often. However, at this moment, she had a sense the firmness was needed.
Lorna bit down on her tongue to stop herself from rolling her eyes. A desire she had within seconds of absorbing the words just spoken to her. Of course her therapist would automatically assume the worst of her, she thought. Though she couldn't entirely blame her for that, the idea did cross her mind at one point. It would be rather easy for her to slip out for coffee and then just not return. But once she looked at Nicky and saw the guilt trying so hard not to show she knew she had to actually participate in the therapy this time. She loathed the idea of Nicky feeling any amount of guilt over her own life choices. That wasn't something she would allow to continue no matter how fucking hard it was on her own behalf.
Her throat cleared after a minute of mental deliberation. She moved her head back to its previous position and returned her therapist's heated glance. "Nicky can come with me if that'll make ya feel better. I mean it kinda hurts you would just believe the worst in me but whatever, I don't care," she muttered the last part, snapping her fingers silently together at her side.
Instantly, Doctor Washington's demeanor softened a smidge. By observing Lorna's face it wasn't hard for her to see the hurt that momentarily flashed across it. She sighed but nodded her head. "Yes, both of you can take a few minutes to go get a coffee," she reluctantly agreed. More air expelled from her lungs. "Lorna, I'm sorry my assumption upset you but you do have a tendency to worm your way out of uncomfortable situations. I wasn't assuming that blindly, I have good reason to. But I'm still sorry that it hurt you; my intentions are never to cause any harm to you, I promise."
The coffee's dripping into the plastic cup in Lorna's hand echoed loudly through the hallway. Its aroma quickly picked up by the nostrils of her nose and a contented sigh escaped her slightly parted lips. Once it was filled to a decent level in her cup Lorna removed it from underneath the machine and brought the cup a few feet over to the small surface right next to it. She set it down then grabbed a couple of sweetener packets along with a few little tubs of creamer.
All of which was then poured into the cup along with the dark liquid. Lorna mixed it all together with a plastic spoon, soon turning it from a translucent black color to a golden brown. As always that was the color she believed to be the perfect cup of coffee. She threw the spoon in the trashcan below and scooped the cup from the counter, bringing it to her lips for a much desired sip. A sip she hoped would ignite within her an easement of the throbbing ache between her two temples.
The coffee warmed her throat all the way down but didn't much as touch her headache. A sigh escaped as she set the cup down and brought both of her hands up to her forehead, massaging each temple with a vigorousness about it. She exhaled gradually and flinched when an unexpected hand was felt on her shoulder. She looked up from her stare on the ground and saw the compassionate eyes of her girlfriend peering right back at her. A half smile was given but it vanished almost as fast as it originally formed on her face.
"It's okay, doll," Nicky softly soothed while stroking her fingers into the blade of the shoulder she grasped her hand gently atop of. Eyes lovingly searched over Lorna's face and body. It wasn't hard at all for her to observe how utterly flustered and distressed the younger teen happened to be. The smile she tried to display was only proof of that. "You're allowed to feel the opposite of happy, kid. I know that's hard for you to believe but I promise none of us will ever think less a ya just because you're not happy every second of every day. I know I would never think poorly of ya because a that," her voice warmly tried to reassure her girlfriend. She noticed a loose strand of hair and gently brought a thumb over to softly tuck it behind Lorna's ear with.
Easier said than done Lorna thought to herself. Much easier said than fucking done. Nothing was ever easy for Lorna fucking Morello. Even not being conceived wasn't easy, clearly. If she wouldn't have been conceived she wouldn't be standing right here now. She wouldn't be here to have to deal with all this damn shit she'd been thrown in her life. Her life that was a complete fucking accident.
Despite the troubling thoughts whirling through her mind and despite the opposing emotions also swirling about, Lorna couldn't stop herself from forcing another smile to her face. She truly and wholeheartedly believed she wasn't and would never be deserving of anyone's sympathy—comfort, affection. Maybe the reason for that was because of all that she endured or maybe it was just due to the fact that she knew she wasn't supposed to exist at all. Why should a person who wasn't even supposed to exist be given any amount of love, any fucking amount of compassion?
Lorna did her best to swallow down the emotions that were conflicting with the smile her lips were being coerced into displaying. It was a highly problematic trying on her behalf she quickly came to realize. The emotions refused to dissipate. There was a moistness she noticed forming at the bottom of her eyelids and she tried her hardest to suck them right back in but they refused to abide.
"Lorna," Nicky murmured and Lorna widened her smile. A sigh huffed out of Nicky upon seeing the blatantly distressed brunette forcing herself to smile when every part of her body contradicted it. "Lorna," she repeated, this time taking Lorna in her arms and pulling her away from the cold rim of the little table behind her. Lips touched softly onto the top of her head, arms securing themselves around her waist. There was a visible tremor she felt coming from Lorna's body though when she looked back onto her face that smile still sat upon it.
Her head shook uneasily to see it still displaying there. It appeared beyond out of place with the tears Nicky observed now leaking freely along each of Lorna's pale cheeks. She felt a pang meld into her chest as she brought one hand up to lovingly stroke around the flesh where tears had just fallen along. "What's going on in that head a yours, baby? Why are you forcing yourself to smile when that's not what ya actually wanna do, huh?" Nicky peered intently into the eyes of her beloved girlfriend, fingers continuing to lovingly caress around the entirety of her face.
"Because, hon, I'm just real happy to have this coffee inside a me. Everything else sucks but this coffee is like gold. I need this coffee or I'll leave. I wanna fucking leave so bad right now, Nicky. I don't want to go back in that room. I don't wanna fucking be vulnerable and all that shit that Dr. Washington keeps saying I needa be. What does she fucking know? She's not me she don't know what I need. What I fucking need is a new life. I would do anything to not fucking be Lorna Morello anymore. I'm sick of being me, it gets me nowhere. All I get is shit and shit on top of that shit and I just don't wanna deal with that anymore, Nicky. It's too fucking much. Too much."
Finally Nicky felt Lorna's body slightly go limp against her own and she knew Lorna had cracked. On one hand it tightened her chest to witness the breakage of her girlfriend but on the other she was grateful for its occurrence. It needed to happen otherwise Lorna would never give in and allow herself to feel what her body was trying to encourage her to feel. Nicky huffed out a breath and gently maneuvered them back towards Lorna's therapists' office—after going back to retrieve the half full coffee cup once she remembered it was sitting vacant on the countertop.
When they arrived in the office once more—only a few minutes later—Nicky carefully brought Lorna over to the sofa rather than the chairs so that she could more easily keep her hold on her. The cup of coffee was placed on the small table right in front of the sofa before her arms were both wrapped back around Lorna's waist. She turned her head just enough for her lips to easily have access to the corner of Lorna's forehead and softly pressed them against the flesh of it. For a moment she shut her eyes and just enthralled herself in the mental vision of holding Lorna with no one else around. Only the two of them with nothing nor no one there to ruin anything.
"What happened?" Poussey queried, worried lines instantly creasing on her forehead as she looked the pair of them over.
She sat up straighter in her desk-chair and used her thumb to push her reading glasses back up with. Her heart felt heavy to hear the heartrending sniffles which mercilessly escaped from her client's throat. It hadn't been often she witnessed Lorna breakdown like she happened to be at this moment. In fact, she couldn't remember a single one of their sessions where Lorna freely allowed herself to express any emotions other than a forceful smile.
Lorna sniffed a few times and lifted a hand up to wipe violently at her very teary face. She swallowed thickly, uncomfortable at the thought of her therapist having now seen her such an emotional wreck. A scene she didn't even like for Nicky to see. Her teeth dug down into the flesh of her tongue as she tried to conjure up a response that would magically get her out of this. "Nothing. I'm just a stupid irrational teenager crying over the best cuppa coffee I've ever had," she muttered but even she found the absurdity within her own words.
Eyes temporarily shifted onto Nicky after hearing the blatant lie of an explanation that came from her client's mouth. The shake of Nicky's head wasn't much of a surprise to Doctor Washington. She mirrored it with one of her own. Getting Lorna to admit to anything—even the simplest of things—served to be a mere impossible task. If she hadn't so much patience, Lorna would drive her to insanity. She secretly wondered if Lorna ever felt mentally drained from all of the hoops she threw herself into by her constant refusal to open up about any of the things she'd gone through.
"Okay, Lorna, one you're not stupid. Two, I'm not stupid either," Poussey told her once again allowing a sternness to inflect through her voice as she spoke. The same sternness shined through her brown eyes as she peered intensely across at the petite brunette. The petite brunette who, despite what she claimed, was clearly in distress. She sighed and held up a hand. "Tell me what actually happened. What's making you so upset? Talk to your girlfriend and I, Lorna. We want to help you but if you don't open up we don't know what to do for you."
The resistance was felt by Nicky through the incessant shifting of Lorna's legs against her own. She frowned but took Lorna's head and tucked it into the crook of her neck. A warm, soft, kiss she pressed onto the top of her head. She felt unbelievably helpless right then and there and that was incredibly frustrating for her. All she wanted was to help Lorna, to bring her some form of comfort—to somehow make even a small diminish of her pain, her anguish, her wounds that she tried so hard to keep hidden from the rest of the world.
She sighed heavily and settled for running the tips of her fingers lovingly along the length of her spine. It might not have done anything for Lorna but it made Nicky believe she was at least doing something to help. More than likely a phantom sensation of helping, she acknowledged, but it was much better than doing nothing at all. Nicky was never good at just sitting and letting things be. Not when it came to Lorna, never when it came to Lorna.
"What actually happened is I realized that coffee is the only thing in my life that never gets worse. Coffee is just fucking coffee and I want to be coffee. I wanna be fucking coffee so I can not have to think about my life anymore. I'm sick a this, I'm sick a always having something to deal with. It's annoying and it makes me so fucking mad. I don't wanna be bothered with problems anymore. I hate it. I hate all of it and most of all I fucking hate that I exist. If I didn't exist I wouldn't have issues to talk about I wouldn't have to be here in fucking therapy being vulnerable and shit. I'd be happily not existing in my nonexistent bubble."
Lorna exhaled loudly and reached over Nicky for her cup of coffee. She lifted it up to her mouth and gulped a large volume of it down. Shoulders slumped as did her head once she replaced the cup in its previous spot. "And I ain't sayin' I wanna kill myself or nothin'," she muttered, "I just—I wish I wasn't me anymore. Someone betta."
Chapter Text
Chapter Ninety-Seven
It took several minutes for Nicky to fully process all that was spoken by her vastly distressed girlfriend. Her arms naturally tightened around Lorna's faintly—almost unnoticeably—tremoring body. She swallowed thickly trying to get a grip on her own whirling emotions. After hearing what Lorna said her eyes instantly moistened with tears forming at the bottom of their lids. Breath hitched uncomfortably in her throat as she brought Lorna closer against her own body. Arms holding protectively onto her waist, tucking her right into the crook of her neck without even needing to physically maneuver her from the use of her hands.
Much more was shared than Doctor Washington had expected. She had to cover her mouth to refrain from the shock she felt displaying out on her face. However, as she gazed out across at Lorna and Nicky, she observed it didn't matter much if she allowed the shock to express itself since Lorna's face was clearly hidden by the way her girlfriend happened to be embracing her. A sigh made its way through her windpipe the more she let her eyes linger on the two. She could see the tears threatening to spill from Nicky's eyes and felt her chest tighten a smidge.
"Nicky, how does what your girlfriend said make you feel to have heard it?" Her attention was shifted onto the redhead for a moment once she took note of the mixture of emotions fighting to release themselves from her. She crossed one leg over the other while grabbing her water bottle for a quick sip. Through the entire ordeal her eyes remained watching the two teens rather closely.
The query intensified the pang in Nicky's chest along with the strength of her arms around Lorna's body. Air expelled out through her mouth as she tried to piece together a response she could easily speak aloud. Such task, however, proved itself to be an immeasurably difficult one. There was too much swirling about in her mind at that point for her to be able to properly formulate an answer that wasn't a blubbering mess. Eyes darted between the trembling girl in her arms and the overtly concerned therapist sitting across from them.
After a few seconds of staring back and forth, they finally settled themselves onto Lorna once more. A wad of saliva formed right at the edge of her tongue which Nicky swallowed uneasily down. As air inhaled through her nose, her shoulders moved forward for the expansion of her chest filling with that very same air. She placed one hand on the crown of Lorna's head and gradually pressed the palm of it into her scalp. She let the palm slowly run up and down from that same spot, over and over until she felt the younger teen's shaking ease slightly away.
Eyes returned back across at Poussey who's concern now doubled in intensity. Another sigh huffed from her. She wasn't entirely sure how she felt about what Lorna said. Though Lorna claimed she didn't want to kill herself, the way she talked surely didn't bring any consolation to that claim. At least not in Nicky's eyes…or mind, rather. The more her mind pondered over everything the more she secured her hold on Lorna. She refused to ever allow her arms to falter from Lorna's precious body. A body she knew for a fact Lorna wouldn't ever really care for in the way it should be cared for. Even more so did she believe that now after hearing Lorna's earlier revelation.
"Well, I'm certainly not comforted by what Lorna said," was all that Nicky could manage to say after many moments of thought passed by.
It was surely the truth; nothing Lorna disclosed to them eased any of her worries or concerns away. No, all hearing that did was worsen them both. Made Nicky want to never take her eyes off Lorna again. How the hell could she upon hearing her girlfriend say that she wished she didn't fucking exist? How would anyone feel to hear their loved one say something like that?
A slow nod was given to acknowledge Nicky's statement. Poussey kept her focus on her, waiting patiently for several seconds to see if anything else was going to be added onto that. When nothing else was, she deemed it safe for herself to speak up once more. "That's understandable. That's not something anyone wants to hear coming from a person they love the way you do Lorna," she commented, nodding her head with each word. Glasses were pushed back up to the bridge of her nose by her thumb.
Gradually, her stare was shifted onto Lorna. It tore on her heartstrings tremendously to witness the breakdown she was in the middle of having and still, somehow, she managed to avoid that it was actually happening. Being Lorna had to be one of the most mentally and physically draining things imaginable Doctor Washington concluded upon multiple observations. She couldn't imagine the gymnastics that had to have been constantly going on in her mind. It was no wonder Lorna felt the way she just previously expressed verbally.
"Lorna, you say you don't want to be you but you don't want to kill yourself either—what exactly are you feeling? I think both Nicky and I are kind of confused. Do you mean you want to be someone else—"
"I'm sayin' I wish I didn't exist at all," Lorna quickly interjected once the tears and sniffling subsided long enough for words to coherently make the journey from her mouth. She couldn't move much with how tight Nicky's arms were around her and, honestly, she didn't have the desire or energy to do so anyway. However, she was able to shift her head so that her eyes were peering right back at the therapist. A distasteful breath excreted through her esophagus. "If I didn't get conceived in the first place I wouldn't be here to have to deal with all this shit I didn't even ask for."
Nicky removed an arm from Lorna's waist and replaced it around the back of her head, gently pulling it away so that their eyes were on the same level. Tears were now visible from her own as she gazed fiercely into Lorna's. She leaned forward and pressed a warm kiss onto her forehead before lovingly pushing loose strands of brown hair to the sides. "You, uh, you—you wish you weren't born at all, doll? Is that, uh, is that what you're tryna say?" Her voice tremored rather noticeably while she voiced her questions. Eyebrows arched and inarched; her mind trying to comprehend and make sense of what Lorna was letting slip from her mouth.
Guilt arose within her upon hearing the shakiness of Nicky's voice. It was quite rare for Nicky's voice to ever shake or tremble when speaking, so, to hear it blatantly do so now brought fourth a rather fierce sensation of guilt. So fierce Lorna couldn't stop the sob that loudly echoed its way out of her. It was completely, utterly, unexpected and there wasn't a damn thing Lorna could do to halt it. She was powerless to her own bodily function in that specific moment.
Her mouth opened to respond but she couldn't get any words to formulate. All that occurred was the squeaking of another sob. She felt shameful of her actions and had the desire to discard herself from Nicky's arms but Nicky only pulled her closer the second she noticed her trying to escape. The closeness between them was so much Lorna's head was once again merely tucked into the crook of Nicky's neck, secured by the soothing sensation of Nicky's chin resting atop her head.
"I, uh, erm…I-I mean I guess that's what I'm sayin'," Lorna finally found her voice though the words fumbled out between involuntary sniffles which refused to let up. She swallowed a lump that randomly appeared in the back of her throat. Tears soaked her cheeks as she tried to hide her face against the cotton of Nicky's shirt right at the base of her neck where her head happened to be tucked into. "If I was never born I wouldn't be causing all these problems for you or my sista and brotha or even the Chapmans. Life would be easier for all a ya and I just—I'm real sorry for causing all a ya so much—"
"Stop, Lorna, stop it," Nicky cried out, tightening her arms around Lorna's waist.
Tears ran down her face at that point as well. The ache in her chest deepened considerably to hear Lorna continually mention how she wished she never existed to begin with. It was a soccer punch to the gut to hear such words easily falling from her beloved girlfriend's precious mouth. She knew Lorna had tremendous self-loathing issues but this? This was a whole lot worse than Nicky thought possible. It hurt deeply to realize how damn little Lorna thought of herself. How she thought so fucking little that she would even say something like this was almost incomprehensible. She couldn't even try to fucking understand any of it. The pain she felt for Lorna wasn't even on a level of understanding for Nicky. It was a pain she had no ability to properly describe.
Doctor Washington wasn't fond of interrupting their conversation but the more she let Lorna's comments absorb into her ears the more she didn't like where the conversation was possibly leading to. She clasped her hands a bit more loudly together than was necessary but loud enough to bring about both of the girls' attention. Eyes searched over Lorna very thoroughly trying to decipher what exactly she might possibly have been feeling. "Lorna, I need you to look at me for a minute and I need you to be completely honest okay?"
She waited until she saw Lorna's head visibly nod up and down before continuing to say anything further. Her eyes peered compassionately, sympathetically, across at the brunette. She drastically softened her demeanor now though she made sure there was a slight firmness mixed in to portray to Lorna that this wasn't a conversation she was going to get out of taking part in. "Right now, with all the things you're facing, do you feel or wish that you weren't, erm, alive anymore? Please answer this honestly for me. I'm not going to judge you, Lorna, but I need your honesty. I want to help you the best I can so you have to be as open with me as possible. I know it's not an easy thing for me to ask you this but the only way I can provide you with the most help is by you being one hundred percent real with me, okay? Can you do that, Lorna?"
A rawness settled in Lorna's mouth, she tried to swallow it away but the sensation only worsened. Legs shifted uneasily back and forth. No matter how she positioned them Lorna couldn't get comfortable. She looked wearily across at Doctor Washington and then gradually averted her eyes onto Nicky right beside her—or beneath her, rather. Both returned her gaze with soft, tender, ones of their own. The vision only encouraged the rawness in her mouth to strengthen once again.
An answer needed to be provided but truthfully Lorna wasn't certain she had one. Her mind contemplated over the idea of death off and on for the better half of the past year, however, she never could go forth with taking her own life despite if she wanted to or not. What it would do to the people she left behind was the driving force behind such a decision. She couldn't fathom the thought of leaving Nicky or either of her siblings with the pain of her own death even though in her mind she felt her death would be doing them a beneficial favor.
She swallowed thickly and switched the crossing of her legs once more. "I, uh, I do sometimes…erm, occasionally—rarely—possibly wish I was dead but-but I, erm, I wouldn't actually try to uh to kill myself. I'm not suicidal or nothin'. I mean it's normal to think about being dead on occasion ain't it?"
Slightly squinting her eyes, Doctor Washington stared strongly back at Lorna. Trying to get a proper understanding of the words she just allowed to slip out of her mouth. The longer she stared the more confused she became. Her mind couldn't compute any comprehension of her client's response, at least not about how she thought it was normal for everyone to think about being dead. She swallowed and then cleared her throat before bringing her awareness back onto the situation at hand.
"No, Lorna, it certainly is not normal for anyone to think about being dead on occasion. Not in the context you're referring to, that is." A breath was momentarily taken in as she rummaged around with a couple of random papers on her desk's surface. "Wishing yourself dead isn't a normal thing to do and it isn't healthy. Have you tried to do anything to actually make that happen? I need you to keep being honest with me, Lorna. This is important."
Lorna twisted her body a bit but wasn't able to accomplish much from the tightness of Nicky's arms around her. An uncomfortable breath of air excreted from her lungs as she let her body slump once more against her girlfriend's. There wasn't any use trying to fight her way free; she wasn't a match for Nicky's unrelenting strength and the headache she had wasn't doing her any favors in that department either. So, she settled for the next best thing—staring blankly down at her shoes which were now anxiously kicking at the post of the sofa.
It was rather quiet in the room now as the pair were waiting on her to come up with some sort of an answer. Lorna swallowed air and kicked a little harder at the sofa's post. The silence was both deafening and eerie. She could hear the wind whirling from outside the window which happened to be placed right behind the couch she and Nicky were seated on. It grew louder with each breath she inhaled or maybe it was just her mind imagining such but regardless the wind's whooshing was all she could focus on now. It sounded violent and she heard a few branches of trees cracking and falling to the ground.
Eyebrows knit over her eyes. She kept her head down but finally made a noise in preparation for a response. "I wouldn't do anything to purposefully make myself dead," the words came out in a voice akin to a whisper. A sparse string on one of her shoes caught her eye and she reached down to pick it up with her thumb and index finger. "I don't, erm, I don't want to hurt Nicky or anyone else I love even more by doing somethin' like that. Even if I wanted to do it, I wouldn't. I'm too much of a wimp anyway to actually come up with some crazy plan to kill myself."
Despite the relief that coursed through Nicky's entire body upon hearing Lorna's disclosure she secured her arms even further around Lorna's body and rested her chin lovingly over the top of her head. She cradled a hand tenderly around the crown of it keeping it in place against her chest. Fingers combed softly through the thick brown strands of her hair. Her chest heaved with both adoration and agony for the angelic being in her arms. The angelic being who claimed she would never take her own life but was riddled with thoughts of wanting to do exactly that. It was a challenge to wrap her mind around all she had admitted to. But more than anything was Nicky grateful to know that at the very least Lorna would never actively try to end her life. Knowing that gave her a small peace of mind.
"I love you," her voice murmured quietly into the rim of one of Lorna's ears. She spoke no louder than a whisper so that only Lorna could hear her words. Fingers from her hand on the crown of Lorna's head continually raked delicately through her thick waves. "I love you so much, my baby," Nicky hummed once more into the very same ear.
Lips curved up and down unsure whether to smile or frown. Lorna couldn't bring herself to look Nicky in the eyes just yet. Her chest tightened with that all too familiar sensation of guilt. She might as well have been permanently riddled with guilt since that happened to be the most popular emotion she felt those days. Air escaped from her lungs the longer she sat with no coherent sentences coming to mind. All she could do was nestle closer to Nicky and stroke a heart on her chest right where she imagined Nicky's might be inside of it.
"How often are you having these thoughts, though, of wanting to die or not exist? Is this happening a lot, Lorna?" Doctor Washington queried with a firm but compassionate stare. She felt a sigh heave out of her.
The way she was positioned in Nicky's arms made the movement of her shoulders mere impossible, yet, she somehow managed to find a way to shrug them. Fortunately, her eyes were unable to return her therapist's gaze which made it a little easier to come up with an answer to the question she had just been asked. She turned her face slightly so that one of her cheeks was pressing into the cotton of Nicky's t-shirt and raised her hand up to nervously play with the material surrounding the neck hole.
Her fingers busied themselves with the thick cotton as she tried to figure out what to say. "I don't know. I don't really count how many times a day I think about not being here anymore. That's just insane…I guess if I did that I might be better at math," a small chuckle followed directly after at the light joke she tried to create to somehow lessen the melancholic mood.
However, neither her therapist nor Nicky found the joke funny. All it gained her were two intensely saddened gazes. Doctor Washington cleared her throat while reaching for a cup of water. After sipping half of it she set it back where it was and eyed Lorna dishearteningly. There formed a tightness in her chest upon hearing her response and the sad attempt of making a joke of it. It was as if Lorna cared so little for herself that she thought of her life as a joke and that alone was enough to worsen the ache in Poussey's chest.
"You think about dying multiple times a day?"
Lorna swallowed thickly the saliva that had formed at the tip of her tongue and bowed her head slightly. Shame coursed through each of her veins as she came to the conclusion that she in fact did happen to ponder over being dead at least once every day. Maybe she was even more fucked up than she had originally thought. "Uh, um, I mean I-I guess. But I mean it's not a big deal, I told ya I ain't tryna do nothing to actually make it happen," she mumbled, bouncing her shoulders forward.
Sucking in her lower lip Doctor Washington slowly shook her head. Lorna really didn't see that her life wasn't a joke. It seemed Lorna wholeheartedly believed her life meant so little she could just throw it away. A sigh came up out of her windpipe. She cleared her throat and once again busied her hands by fumbling about the papers on her desk. Most of her clients weren't struggling nearly as deeply as Lorna happened to be. None of them even talked about suicidal thoughts the way Lorna did, didn't joke about their pain or think in such an irrational way that Lorna so clearly had been.
"Actually, it is a big deal. And we need to talk about this further, Lorna. Why are you thinking about wanting to die so much? What's making you think like this?" Doctor Washington carefully interrogated as much as she knew it wasn't going to be easy to get Lorna to share with her. The questions had to be asked and she hoped to receive truthful responses. She couldn't efficiently help her without them.
The reaction didn't much as phase Lorna. It was to be expected that her therapist would try to delve deeper into the reasoning behind her thoughts. That was her job after all. Still, that hadn't stopped her from rolling her eyes out of irritation. She wiggled her away out from Nicky's grasp and shifted a bit closer to the arm of the sofa to the right of her. Her head leaned all the way to the side until it was resting on the arm itself. The way she now happened to be positioned meant for an easy view of the ceiling straight up from where her eyes were currently focused.
"Gee, I don't know what reason I could possibly have to wish I wasn't a breathing being right the hell now," Lorna bitterly commented after several moments of thought. She threw her hands frustratedly up above her head and twirled them around for her own amusement. Anger was easier to let herself experience than crying and having another mental breakdown. Crying was weakness in her eyes—literally and metaphorically.
The hostility in Lorna's voice didn't surprise Doctor Washington to hear. Lorna seemed to have a less challenging time displaying anger than she did with any other emotions. She tilted her head and stared across at her with nothing more fierce than a searing sympathy oozing from her brown eyes. "You like to use sarcasm quite a bit to mask how you're really feeling, don't you? That's okay. Understandable too with all the things you've had to face lately," she gently stated her observation. Eyes not once drifting from Lorna's face.
Another roll of her eyes was completed by Lorna. Therapy wasn't doing anything but working her damn nerves. She lifted a hand and repeatedly facepalmed it against the flesh of her forehead. She longed for it to poof her out of there though she knew that was a ludicrous longing for her to have. It wouldn't happen no matter how hard she slammed her hand into her forehead. That was plain stupid and fucking crazy. She shook her head distastefully and tilted it back so that the only thing in her line of view was the ceiling. Everything else faded away. Or rather faded from her vision.
"I don't want to face anything anymore. I wanna float away into the sky like the fucking clouds. Why can't I be a damn cloud? Clouds don't have to think or worry or deal with things. I wanna be a cloud."
Nicky scooted closer and gently grabbed Lorna's hand which was dangling against the cushion of the sofa. She squeezed it in hers while running her thumb along each pale knuckle. Hearing Lorna say that she couldn't blame her one bit for wanting what she wanted. Lorna had suffered through more things than most people did an entire lifetime. She would likely think and wish similar things if she were in Lorna's shoes right now. Chances were so would the majority of people.
On the other side of the desk, Poussey felt the same way Nicky did but hadn't known it. She temporarily looked away from her client and down onto the sprawled out papers in front of her. There was no fault she could put on Lorna for her voiced feelings she had just shared. All the obstacles she had to go through who wouldn't wish to be something as simple as a cloud or even a rain drop? An object that had no mind to think or stress over anything. It wasn't at all too out there for Lorna to want to be that, to be something inanimate and not have to constantly be worrying or stressing about what to do next or rather what would be thrown her way next.
Air quietly excreted through the holes in her nose. Papers were picked up from her desk's surface and neatly stacked together before being placed in a manila folder they had earlier been taking out of. "I know it's unfair to be incessantly thrown one dilemma after the next. It's not easy and it certainly isn't fun to have to always be suffering through a painful time. But there's a reason you're who you are on this planet, Lorna. There's a reason everyone is who they are. I promise once you work past all this challenging stuff that there is a light at the end."
A scoff was mustered up and released. Lorna jolted herself into an upright position, staring displeasingly across the room at her therapist. She shook her head in contempt and huffed out another unpleasant breath. "Yeah, sure there's a reason we're all here. And I'm only here because my dad's condom broke. So basically I shouldn't fucking exist at all. That's why everything in my life always gets shittier and shittier because I should have never been fucking born to begin with." Her voice grew progressively louder the more she spoke.
Anger was quick to rise following each word that spewed from her mouth. She sensed tears were forming in the bottoms of her eyelids by how moistened the skin seemed to become. The anger was so intense she was crying—the thought alone made her want to laugh. She was fucking insane. Completely and wholly fucking insane. Hands lifted up and framed around her own cheeks. Fingers pressed into the flesh of them so harshly it took a few minutes for the color to return to them.
"What makes you say that?" Poussey quickly questioned, lines creasing onto her forehead as she took a good look at Lorna's face now that her head wasn't leaning against the arm of the sofa any longer.
Once more Lorna felt her mouth suddenly become as dry and raw as it had been previously. Yet, somehow, it felt even worse now with a painful lump existing every time she tried to swallow it away. She dug the nails of her fingers roughly into her cheeks' skin. "Because it's the fucking truth. My dad couldn't go a single day without reminding me of that fact. I hate him and I wish I could—I wish my mom could trade places with him. I don't want to give my dad a second chance to live, he's so mean. My mom should be the one getting a second chance not him. It's not fucking fair at all—I'm the reason my mom's dead and I'll probably be the reason my dad dies too and I don't wanna live with that guilt anymore. I just want to have normal teenage worries. Not this shit."
The franticness in both Lorna's voice and behavior immediately had Doctor Washington pouring a quick cup of water for her. Once it was significantly full, she carefully brought it over to Lorna setting it on the table right in front of the sofa. She sat down in the chair beside where Lorna rested and place a comforting hand on her arm. "Lorna, I fixed you a cup of water. It's on the coffee table. Why don't you have a little sip of it, yeah? You're getting all worked up, and while that's completely fine to express your emotions, you need to calm down a little before you wound up hurting yourself. Just have a couple sips of water and take in some breaths," she softly suggested, pointing a hand in direction of where she had only seconds ago placed the water down.
Reluctantly, Lorna followed through with what was kindly requested of her and shakily reached a hand out towards the Dixie cup on the table in front of her. It was cautiously lifted from the surface and brought up to her mouth for a sip. The rawness inside it was gradually eased away from the cold, moistness, of the water. Relief washed over her once she'd swallowed down the entirety of the beverage. At least the sensation in her mouth wasn't nearly as uncomfortable anymore.
She set the empty cup back down and shifted in her seat so that she was semi-facing her therapist. Her eyes were slightly cloudy now from the tears that recklessly poured through them. "I just really really hate myself. I don't want to be here. I hate it and I'm real sorry for being such a nuisance to you and Nicky and everyone, honestly. Life was easier before all this," she muttered, eyes drifting down to the floor.
"I know, Lorna, I know you aren't particularly fond of yourself and I'm so sorry you feel that way," Doctor Washington followed up her client's comment quickly. She sighed, softly patting her hand against the arm it rested atop of. Her teeth gritted together in order to control her own emotions. She could feel the beginning of tears lining her eyes and did her best to suck them back in. "I can promise you that you're not a nuisance to me. Not one little bit, honey. I know you don't want to be here but I'm glad you're here. And I can guess Nicky's likely glad you're here as well, right?" Her eyes diverted onto Nicky, who enthusiastically nodded her head.
Poussey copied the movement of her head with a bobbing of her own. Attention promptly returned onto Lorna. "Why don't we wrap this session up for today? I think you've about had enough for one day, Lorna. I'm so sorry the toll this is all taking on you; I truly am. But I'm also very proud of you for how open you've been with me."
Chapter Text
Chapter Ninety-Eight
It was nearing three in the afternoon when Lorna and Nicky were making their way in through the door of Nicky's place with Red. They swiftly passed by her in the living room before turning to the hallway until they finally made it into Nicky's bedroom. While Lorna settled herself onto the bed, Nicky closed the door and secured the lock so there would be no interruptions or barging ins. Satisfied with the latching of the lock, Nicky went over and plopped down on her bed right next to Lorna. Scooting closer and closer until their bodies naturally pressed into one another.
Arms snaked their way around the younger teen's waist. Nicky used her grasp on her to gently pull Lorna closer until her head was tucked onto her chest from how her chin nuzzled warmly over the top of Lorna's head. She lain on her side with her front pressing softly into Lorna's back. Her eyes shut momentarily while a breath silently expelled out of her. Lips delicately touched over the top of the head which rested right below the tip of her chin.
There wasn't anywhere else Nicky desired to be than right there holding her beloved girlfriend. Her sweet, beloved, girlfriend who clearly had so much that needed to be dealt with and worked through still. Another sigh tumbled up out of her nose as she carefully swayed from side-to-side. She reopened her eyes and peered straight ahead at a very faint piece of chipped paint on the wall near her dresser. "God, Lorna," her voice gently started off right against the crown of her head where her chin had previously been resting over.
"I'm so proud a how much you shared today at your therapy appointment. I mean I know how much you absolutely hate opening up but ya did really good today, baby. I'm sure it doesn't feel that way but you did," Nicky lovingly told her, stroking her fingers over and over through her thick strands of brown waves. A second affectionate peck was placed on Lorna's head. Her brain still was processing everything that the brunette shared during the session. It felt merely impossible for her to do so; so overwhelmingly much was shared. Things Nicky hadn't even expected Lorna to open up about. Things she didn't know even happened or existed in her girlfriend's life.
Coherent sentences were not anything Lorna could muster up just yet. Fatigue had settled in the second they left her therapists' office and gotten in the car. The only thing currently on Lorna's mind was sleeping or guzzling down lethal amounts of caffeine. Now that she was comfortably situated in her girlfriend's warm arms and the softness of her bed sleep was looking more like the winner than coffee. She had no desire to move or to escape from under Nicky's grasp. In fact she naturally felt her body inching closer by the second. The soothing sensation of Nicky's chest rising and falling beneath her head was enough to entice her eyes to squeeze shut.
Lips naturally pressed once more onto the top of Lorna's head upon noticing the closing of her precious eyes. Precious eyes which held way too much pain for such a young age Nicky sadly deemed. She pressed a few more soft kisses to her head before carefully moving her mouth over towards her ear, softly stroking it onto the rim of it. "It's okay if you wanna just go to sleep, babe. I know that it was an exhausting therapy session today. We don't have to talk anymore if you don't want. I can just hold and cuddle you while ya rest, yeah? Does that sound good to you, doll?"
Sleep was alluring especially having her eyes shut already. However her body refused to completely cooperate with her wants. There was a slight tension building in the pit of her stomach of all places. She reached her hands down to cover over it in the hopes it would ease away the discomfort but nothing changed. The tension remained and her eyes swiftly opened. A hard sigh escaped her windpipe. "I'm sorry, Nicky," the statement slipped out without even a thought. Lorna moved her body closer to Nicky's and brushed her fingers delicately along the flesh of her neck underneath where her head was resting.
"Baby you have nothing to be sorry for," Nicky lovingly murmured into the ear her lips were hovering atop of. A lump was swallowed thickly down as she traced a thumb soothingly along the flesh of Lorna's ear. "You've done nothing wrong, ya hear me? Absolutely nothing so there's no reason for you to apologize, doll."
"I do, I feel bad for being so snippy with you at the appointment. I, uh, I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry, Nicky, I feel real bad for always getting like that—I know it hurts ya and I would rather stab myself than cause you any pain—"
Hands framed lovingly around each of Lorna's cheeks, gently pulling her face closer to her own. Big brown eyes gazed affectionately into the misty brown ones of her girlfriend. Nicky sighed, stroking her thumbs along the skin of the cheeks she had her hands cradling around. "I know, baby, I know you'd rather inflect pain on yourself than to let me take care of you. You don't have to explain that to me. I also know even the smallest things cause ya so much damn guilt. You don't have to feel bad about me seeing you upset and angry at a therapy appointment that is clearly the only reason you're feeling that way, yeah? For Christ sake, Lorna, you've been through hell and back—you're entitled to be a little snippy sometimes. I know you wouldn't intentionally try to hurt me, doll, that's why I tell ya not to apologize. I don't want you to feel guilty and bad for things you have no control over. You already feel enough guilt, why add more onto that babe?"
The words ignited an overwhelming mixture of emotions within Lorna. Her face properly hid against the chest that resided underneath it in order to not have Nicky see the expression upon it. Tears were leaking from her cheeks while regardless of Nicky's comment guilt intensified in the form of a sharp pang in her chest. She tried to rid the pain by taking in a couple of deep breaths but to no avail. Though she very much appreciated Nicky and all of the love and support Nicky provided her with, she knew Nicky didn't deserve to have to put up with her and the shit that came along with her. No one should have to put up with that, she believed.
Comfort snuck its way into Lorna's body from the repeated brushing of Nicky's hand through her dark brown waves. Her breathing eased gradually into a normal rhythm despite the tears which still fell along her cheeks. The contradictory of feelings swirling about made thinking of a response quite the chore. She couldn't find any words to speak—at least not ones she deemed worthy of saying. Memories of the session and how she acted in such a horrendous way came back to the surface the longer the room was coated in silence.
Having the memory flash through her mind caused the guilt to sharpen even further. How could Nicky be so okay over it? Lorna couldn't fathom how Nicky never once got angry with her for her constant outbursts or the irrationality she displayed when it came to food or anything having to do with food. Nicky was more than an angel, more than perfect and Lorna certainly hadn't deserved her. She wasn't good enough for Nicky and never would be. Anyone else would have thrown her to the curb by now but Nicky only pulled her closer. She couldn't understand what the hell Nicky could possibly see in her that made staying with her beneficial. There was nothing fucking beneficial about being with Lorna fucking Morello.
Lorna was a troubled, problematic, soul who wreaked havoc anywhere and everywhere she went. Her foster family could surely attest to that. Even the damn CPS lady could. Hell, they were ready to put her in a children's detention center for how she constantly refused to stay in the Chapman's hose. But yet, despite all of that, Nicky never left her side. Never got in her face and screamed at her even though she probably felt like doing so at times. She wouldn't blame Nicky if she did—she wanted to get in her own face and scream at herself on a regular basis so it would make perfect sense if her girlfriend had those desires on occasion.
"You're either the most patient person in the world or the angel of all angels," Lorna's voice shakily said after a long few moments of deliberating in her head. The comment was muffled from Nicky's cotton shirt being pressed against the rim of her mouth but were still audible to the human ear.
Cocking her head slightly, Nicky carefully cupped her hands around Lorna's head and gently lifted it up from her chest to look her directly in the eyes. Eyebrows arched over her brown ones full of compassion and empathy. "Why's that, baby?" The question murmured softly, a mere whisper. With Lorna's face cradled softly in her hands, she brushed the palms of them delicately up and down the flesh of her cheeks. Her stare not once faltering even a smidge. She felt her chest twist when she noticed the tear stains clearly showing up on her translucent cheeks along with the shame seeping from Lorna's eyes.
Both shame and guilt rose now that Nicky had a clear sight of her face. An uncomfortable swallow of saliva followed by a similarly uncomfortable huff of air. "Because, erm, I—I just, I'm the most frustrating person to deal with and you, you never seem to get mad at me for that, Nicky. Ya gotta be a head angel or somethin', any other person woulda ditched me a long time ago," Lorna truthfully admitted, bouncing her shoulders in a slight shrug.
"I'll never fucking ditch or abandon you, Lorna," Nicky hurriedly assured the younger teen who she engulfed tighter in her arms now. Fingers tangled through thick strands of Lorna's brown hair, combing tenderly through them as she peered softly into her eyes. A sigh came through her airway the longer her mind absorbed what was seconds ago disclosed to her. "Baby, you've had to endure some really bad shit that most people never even have to worry about happening to them. It's understandable why you behave the way you do sometimes. I would never fucking get upset you with over that, I know it's just an aftermath of the abuse you've been dealt. Anyone who would fault you for that is pure evil."
Breath calmingly exhaled out of Nicky's nose while she focused on massaging away a knot she felt lurking on Lorna's scalp. "Do I get frustrated with you sometimes? Of course I do but that's only because I hate seeing you hurting yourself and acting like your life is meaningless when it's not even fucking close to that," her voice cracked a tad bit at the end; she bent her face slightly and brushed her lips tenderly over the spot on Lorna's head she had just been stroking.
Multiple kisses were placed on that same spot before Nicky released her lips from it and went back to tenderly stroking her hands around the surrounding region. "It hurts to watch you hurt yourself—I love you with my entire heart, babe, and you are the most beautiful and perfect person to exist…to see how you treat your body and how you talk about yourself, I just wish I could make you see what I see. Because there's nothing about you—absolutely fucking nothing—about you that isn't worthy of being loved and caressed and taken properly care of."
The light from the moon's shinning in through the window was the first thing Lorna noticed when her eyes peeped out of her lids. She rolled onto her side the same time a yawn escaped her and observed she happened to be left alone in her girlfriend's bedroom. With the moon's shining into the room she knew it had to be at least half past six in the evening. She hadn't planned on falling asleep and especially not for several hours according to her mental hypothesis.
Noise could be heard bouncing through the hallway which in turn encouraged Lorna to retreat from the bed towards the source of it. Once she was standing in the hallway she could easily make out the noise was due to low voices permeating from the living room. Anxiety brewing, Lorna settled on peeking out before making her way physically into the room to see who those voices belonged to. Her anxiety doubled upon doing so. Eyes squinted heavily as they landed on both her uncle George and Mr. Morello sitting on Red's sofa, both seemingly deep into some sort of conversation. She swallowed uneasily and backed slowly away.
Standing with her spine digging into the wall behind it, Lorna covered her chest with her hand and tried to calm her racing heart. Her mind ran frantic with thoughts and questions. How the hell were both of them there in her girlfriend's mother's place? How the hell was Mr. Morello there when he was supposed to be dying from his failing liver? Each question rose the rate of her heartbeat. This couldn't be happening for real she did her best to reason with her excited mind. There wasn't any way her father was actually out of the hospital but even if he was she had a sense Red would certainly have refused to allow him in her house.
On top of that whole confusing debacle was the even more confusing debacle of her uncle's presence also being in Red's house. What the hell reason would Red allow either one of those two into the living room of her home? Lorna couldn't fucking comprehend any of it. It seemed utterly illogical and she was the queen of being illogical. Was this some kind of hallucination? She placed a hand on her forehead and rubbed viciously at her temples. She hadn't smoked weed since the party which was months ago and she couldn't think of any other culprit for her being in some form of hallucination at this current moment.
The only other explanation she could think of was she was dreaming all of this. Or rather in the midst of a fucked up, completely insane, nightmare. Of course that had to be what all of this was. She nodded her head and crouched down on the floor, letting her head fall onto the tops of her knees. This was all just a nightmare that she would soon awaken from.
She felt the air in the hallway suddenly become less freely flowing. A shadow appeared suddenly hovering over where she was crouched down on the floor. Out of instinctive fear Lorna clenched her eyes tightly shut and wished her damn mind would get her the hell back to reality. Her mind, however, did no such thing and she remained trapped in her own warped nightmare. Eyes popped back open and she saw the shadow was her father's figure now standing in front of her. She froze in fear. If this did truly happen to be only a nightmare she should have been able to force the fear away but instead the fear paralyzed her to the point she couldn't even blink her eyes.
The closeness between she and Mr. Morello grew more apparent by the sensation of his breath on her face. Her mind told her she needed to get the fuck out of there and fast but her body slumped limply against the wall behind it. There was no way for her to escape, she couldn't move or lift her arms or legs so that she could get up from the floor. It was as if someone had drained her blood and in its place put in cement. Her body felt unbelievably heavy making it so she was unable to even twitch a damn finger.
Hands quickly grabbed at her neck jolting Lorna from her thoughts. Trying to maneuver out of her father's grasp was certainly not an option from the sheer weight of her entire body. Breathing was a rather scarce option as well from how fiercely Mr. Morello happened to be squeezing his hands around her neck with. She squeezed her eyes shut once more and did her best to focus on moving her legs. There had to be a way out of this. If she focused hard enough she might accomplish something beneficial to her.
"I told ya your life would be fucked if ya didn't give me your liver, didn't I little girl?" Mr. Morello's voice barked loudly into her ear. The strength of his voice was enough to cause Lorna's body to instinctively slump even further into the wall in back of it.
Lorna couldn't process the words sufficiently. It was hard to process anything with how much air she was being suffocated of in that specific moment. Her lungs were screaming for air but there wasn't much she could do to change the situation. No matter how hard she tried to make any part of her body move nothing seemed to budge. Her eyes merely refused to open. Panic set in rather swiftly as she came to realize her life was about to end. If she couldn't formulate how to escape from her dad's grasp soon she knew she was doomed to asphyxiation. The dim fate had involuntary tears spilling from her eyes which still had refused to reopen. She couldn't swallow to alleviate the buildup of saliva and felt a sob forming near her diaphragm. The sob's force on trying to come up out of her windpipe made breathing even more of a damn challenge.
Mr. Morello witnessed the gradual color loss in his daughter's face and reluctantly released from choking her but still kept a firm grasp on her to retain her from escaping. A menacing smirk spread its away across his own face as he stared fiercely over his youngest teenage child. The fear in her eyes was satisfactory enough—he knew he had a hold over her now. "Did I or did I not tell ya your life would be fucked if ya refused to give your liver to me?" The question was repeated, this time louder and harsher.
Having her neck free of the violent pressure, Lorna quickly took in several big breaths and allowed her lungs to soak in the much-needed air. A gulp was swallowed soon after. Her eyes returned the demented stare she was receiving from her father; she remained rather clueless as to how the hell he was standing there in front of her in the first place. Was this a nightmare or was this real life? The haziness of merely being choked made the puzzlement on said matter much stronger. She couldn't come to an understanding on the situation at hand.
If this did happen to be only a nightmare, was her father visiting her from the dead? Had her indecisiveness ultimately cause her father to pass from the failing liver anyway? Her mouth opened to say something but suddenly she had no ability to speak. Any time she tried to make a comment all that came out were eerie gurgling sounds. An eerie sound she blatantly recalled hearing from her mother's hospital room the weeks leading up to her passing.
Eyes widened tremendously upon the realization of the familiarity of such a noise. Though it rendered her terrified to know it was coming from her it also confirmed this entire ordeal was truly just a damn nightmare. She wasn't positive her father was dead but she was positive her mind was fucked the hell up. This was all just a damn concoction of all the thoughts that swirled through her mind on a daily basis. Soon she'd wake up and all of this would fade away. At least she hoped that was what would happen.
"When I ask you a question you better fucking answer," Mr. Morello interjected her from her mind, his voice merely screaming in her face leaving droplets of his saliva on the flesh of it. He watched as she timidly nodded her head but wasn't entirely satisfied so for the hell of it he grasped a hand on each of her shoulders and slammed her into the wall behind her. "Good, now that I have your fucking attention, I want you to know your kind uncle George will be taking custody of you after I die from your heartless neglection. And you'll be moving schools because he lives in a different town, is that fucking understood?"
Lorna nodded since talking wasn't a choice. A lump sat at the back of her throat while a knot melded into the pit of her stomach. She needed out of there and fast but her legs refused to cooperate with her. Some fucking nightmare this was, she thought. Only in her nightmares would she have absolutely no control over her body or anyone else in it. Leave it to Lorna Morello to not even have the ability to fight her battles in her sleep. She drew in a sharp breath and fixed her eyes momentarily up at the ceiling.
The grappling of her shoulders tightened and shoved her right back into that wall. Both her vision and hearing became hazy—all she could see were shadows and blurred blobs and what she heard was the muffled calling out of her name. The muffled voice sounded similar to her father's but eventually morphed into both Nicky's and Red's. Her eyes squeezed shut and the next time she opened them she found herself right back in Nicky's bedroom still curled onto her side in the bed.
Both Nicky and Red were hovering overtop of her—Red more sitting on the side right beside her while Nicky was merely on top from trying to shake her awake. Their eyes were filled with an intense worry and concern, staring down at the youngest with a strong sense of wonder. Nicky felt relief upon observing Lorna's eyes finally opening and returning her gaze. She immediately took Lorna into her arms and cradled her securely against her chest. Her hand stroked softly through her thick brown waves of hair.
Relief coursed through Red's veins as well to see Lorna had awoken from her less than peaceful slumber. She sat up straighter and reached across to place a comforting hand on Lorna's back. "Nicky and I could hear your screaming from the other room. Musta been having a really awful dream, huh? Are you okay, honey?"
Breathing was the only thing Lorna could focus on immediately after waking up. It still felt like her neck was being choked even though no hands were strangling around it. She allowed her face to press into Nicky's chest which wasn't hard to do given the way Nicky was holding her. The steadiness of it's movement eased her heart-rate back into a normal rhythmic pace. She felt the lump in her throat slowly ease away and the knot in her stomach dissipated soon after.
"It was more than just an awful dream," her voice breathy and hushed as she found the strength to speak up. She swallowed, then drew in several more breaths. Her head reluctantly lifted from the warm chest it was resting on and she turned slightly to return Mrs. Reznikov's stare. "It was a nightmare. A nightmare that felt so real. I-I thought I was gonna die and-and I feel real confused now. I can't get my mind to function right."
Nicky rapidly halted Lorna's frantic explanation with multiple soothing kisses being doused around the top of her head. She tightened her arms around her waist and pulled her closer so that her head fell back onto her chest once more. Fingers raked comfortingly through her dark brown waves. "It's okay now, baby," she whispered while continuing to stroke a hand through her hair. "You're safe, nobody here is gonna hurt or kill you. I promise. Just relax; I've got ya and I won't let you go. I love you so much, my sweet Lorna." A few more tender kisses were pressed onto the crown of Lorna's head.
Carefully sitting down on the mattress, Red scooted closer to the teens and sighed. Her hand remained gently touching Lorna's shoulder, patting it in a comforting manner. "Do you wanna tell Nicky and I what happened in this nightmare? It might make you feel a little better, Lorna. I could go fix a kettle of tea and bring it in here when it's done. Would you like that?"
The offer was soothing to hear and involuntarily Lorna felt her head bobbing slightly up and down against Nicky's chest. Words didn't come from her mouth, mostly because she was too drained to force herself to say anything again. Fortunately, however, by the sound of movement being heard along with the shifting of the mattress it was clear to Lorna words didn't need to be exchanged. A bout of relief washed through her.
Watching until Red exited back out of the door to her bedroom, only when the door shut did Nicky return all of her focus onto Lorna once more. Worry strengthened the longer she observed the tears and trepidation oozing from Lorna's brown eyes. Precious brown eyes that deserved no more pain—no more fucking agony. Nicky grinded down on her lower teeth and shook her head to rid herself of the building anger. Now was surely not the time to be displaying any anger or rage. Lorna was in too fragile of a mindset to have to witness any of that Nicky deemed. Air heavily exited her body through both her nose and mouth at the same time. She combed a hand along Lorna's hair and leaned forward to press their foreheads lovingly together.
"You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to, doll," her voice delicately assured as she tucked a loose strand of brown hair behind one of Lorna's ears. Lips touched softly over the tip of her nose. "But if you do feel up to talking about it, ma and I are here to listen. And to protect you. Nothing bad will happen to you for opening up to us about what happened in the nightmare, okay? If that's why you might be scared to discuss it then you don't have to worry about that. You're safe right here with me and ma, baby, I swear to you. We would never let you get hurt, ever."
Instinctively, Lorna engulfed her arms around Nicky's shoulders and swallowed a gob of saliva which had recently formed near the tip of her tongue. "I-I uh it just…it felt so real, Nicky. I almost thought it was real. I, is there marks on my neck?" Eyes frantically peered into Nicky's as she reluctantly moved a bit back from her so she could place a hand on her neck to feel for any possible scratches.
A slight tightness melded its way into Nicky's chest upon hearing the question she was asked. With Lorna's head a few inches apart from hers now she framed a hand on either side of it and thoroughly examined her neck in the hopes of providing a response that would ease away some of Lorna's fears. "Hmm, I don't see anything on it," she murmured, tracing the tips of her fingers soothingly along the length of Lorna's neck. Her eyes gradually fixed themselves back up into the younger teen's. "Why, baby? Why did ya need to know that? Is your neck hurting? Does this have to do with the nightmare? It's okay, you can tell me. I'm not gonna do anything to you. I just wanna comfort you, doll," the queries and comments came out in a voice in between a whisper and normal one.
For a moment Lorna shut her eyes and was instantly reunited with flashes of her father's figure coming closer to her own. His hand, in slow motion, reaching for her neck. When they had succeeded she felt herself start to gag and kick at the mattress beneath her. It was as if what she had wanted to do in the nightmare but couldn't was coming out of her now. Screams sounded through her windpipe so loud she was terrified the whole neighborhood could hear them. There was no way to stop them from escaping; once again she was left with no control of her body. This time, however, all the movements she yearned to do in her nightmare she was doing now. Back in reality. Of fucking course, she thought. Only her would this happen to.
Arms cradled fiercer, yet with love and compassion, around Lorna's seemingly thrashing body. Nicky brought her back to her chest and let her chin rest on the top of her head to secure it in place. Hands drew tender circles around the spine they were wrapped around as her eyes peered blankly ahead at the window near the side of her bed. The sun was merely setting into the horizon and in its place came the crescent shaped moon. Lips twitched into a frown when she felt Lorna convulse violently against her.
"Shh," mouth pressed lovingly onto the rim of Lorna's ear, "Shh, shh. I've got ya, kid. Everything's okay now. You're safe with me. No one's gonna hurt you or touch you or yell at ya. I won't allow any of that. I love you so much, baby, I'll keep you safe. Always."
Chapter Text
Chapter Ninety-Nine
Red came back in the room nearly fifteen minutes later with a tray of three cups of teas in her hands. Seeing the sight of the two teens still embracing one another she carefully placed the tray onto the nightstand right beside the bed. She situated herself back down on the edge of the mattress where she'd previously sat before going to fix a kettle of tea, turning slightly to glance the pair of them methodically over. Eyebrows knitted ponderously over her two very concern-filled eyes. She could only sit there and wonder what that nightmare Lorna had had possibly stirred up memories of.
Air escaped her lungs in the form of a long, drawn out, sigh. Her stare remained on the brunette who she reached a hand towards to place comfortingly back onto her shoulder. "Would you like the tea I brought in for you? I made you the apple cinnamon you always like to have. I think it might be a good idea for you to have a little something to drink, honey," Red gently suggested, letting her hand pat softly against Lorna's shoulder. Lips curved down in a small frown to see how timid her daughter's girlfriend currently happened to be.
Gently releasing her hold on Lorna, Nicky settled for grabbing one of her hands and cradling it in her own. Her head nodded in agreeance with her mother's suggestion, giving a tender kiss to the top of Lorna's head. "I think ma makes a good point, kid. Why don't you drink some of the tea she made you, yeah? It'll help your throat—I'm sure it's soar from all the screaming," she murmured softly, tracing her thumb delicately over each of the knuckles that made up her girlfriend's precious hand.
Shoulders raised up as Lorna drew in a deep breath now that the sobs had subsided. She gave a faint nod, holding out her other hand which Red placed the mug into a second later. The cup was warm against her slightly cold hand. A sensation she hadn't known she was craving until now. Carefully, Lorna lifted it up to her mouth and let the steam soak up into her nose. It brought about a strong soothing vibe; she closed her eyes for a moment, letting herself become immersed by the warmth of her tea. The cinnamon apple scent only intensified the peaceful experience.
Not before long a sip was taken of the warm liquid. All the way down her throat she felt it go, instantly comforting away the dryness that had once resided in her mouth and windpipe. She took a couple more sips of it and then put her attention back onto Red. "Thank you," her voice hoarsely whispered, lips twitching into a saddened but grateful smile. "My throat does feel a bit betta—I didn't realize how raw it was until I sipped some a the tea."
Red felt her chest constrict a faint bit but ignored it by forcing a little smile of her own. "I know exactly how to take care of my two girls, huh? Or it could just be from my years of being a school nurse," a light-hearted chuckle followed right after. She heard her chuckle was copied by the two teenagers rather swiftly. The smile on her face hardened into a more permanent one as she grabbed the other two mugs, handing one to Nicky and keeping one for herself.
Graciously, Nicky accepted ownership of the mug being given to her and gave an appreciative nod in her mother's direction. Her free hand cradled carefully around the lukewarm cup, slowly lifting it up to her lips. She hugged her lips around its rim and drew in a decent amount of the liquid. It warmed her throat all the way down to which she was grateful for. A sigh huffed out once she brought the cup back down from her mouth, resting it on her knee with a hand still grappled around its handle.
"Yeah, ma, ya sure do know how to take care of us. That's some damn good tea," Nicky threw a soft smile in her mother's direction.
Her hand which was still cradled around Lorna's she used to give it a tender squeeze with. The smile dimmed slightly as she was brought back to the reality of the situation upon them. Breath hitched in her throat now that her eyes were focusing on Lorna once again. She swallowed uneasily seeing the apprehension that hadn't faltered even a smidge from her facial features. Such an observation made her conclude just how much Lorna truly believed the nightmare she had to be true.
Fingers lightly caressed around the top of her hand drawing slow, soft, circles around its flesh. "Ya wanna tell us what happened in the nightmare? It might make ya feel a little better, doll," Nicky tried to gently encourage the younger teen. Her smile quickly faded into a disheveled frown upon feeling Lorna's body gingerly flinch against her own. The uneasiness intensified. Lorna truly was terrified of whatever it was she saw and knowing that deeply troubled Nicky. How could she protect her from her own damn brain's creating such an immaculate dream sequence?
Innately Lorna's body nestled closer to Nicky, craving the affection and also the easy access to hide her face from the rest of the world. She wanted to close her eyes to take in the soothing feeling but really didn't want the memories violently flashing before her if she did. So, instead, she kept her face from fully hiding and brought her cup of tea up for another comforting sip. At least drinking the tea provided her with a few more minutes of figuring out how to coherently explain her nightmare without sobs and sniffles breaking through after each word.
Nicky sensed the growing tension and released Lorna's hand so she could place her own on her back. With gentle fingers, she rubbed her hand from the base of Lorna's neck all the way to right where her tail bone started. Lips pressed warmly atop the rim of one of her ears and softly whispered into it, "It's okay, baby. You can tell us what happened—I promise nothing will happen to ya if you do. I'll make sure of that, yeah? But I don't think you'll be able to go back to sleep if ya keep this all to yourself. You're so tense, sweetheart, you need to let us help you. Everything will be okay. Just talk to ma and I, we'll take care of you."
A hard swallow was visibly seen from the movement of Lorna's esophagus. She nodded timidly but had a hell of time opening her mouth to respond verbally with. She was still trying to recover from the threats of her father and the very real sensation of his hands around her neck. Air exhaled gradually from her lungs. "I, uh, I woke up in here and," she stopped to draw in a deep breath. Talking about it—hell thinking about it made her feel as if her neck was being choked all over again. Lorna averted her eyes down onto the cup of tea she held between her thighs.
The liquid sloshed slowly from one side of the cup to the other. Its motion easily mesmerizing her eyes. Lorna nervously tapped her fingers against the ceramic of the mug and tried to focus back on the occurrences of her nightmare. "I thought I woke up for real but it was dark and you weren't beside me anymore. There were voices talking but I didn't, erm, I didn't know if they were yours or who's," her breathing gradually intensified the further she got into the explanation of the vividness of the dream. She could feel her heart-rate speeding up and up. "I-I got up and went out to the hallway," a hard swallow interjected her speech.
Lorna sucked down on her lower lip and tried to keep herself from crying. Tears could be felt brewing at the bottom of her lids, however, she refused to allow them out. Shoulders bounced forward as she drew in a heavy breath. "When I got kinda close to the uh the uh the archway to the living room, I peeked out to see who was talking…it wasn't you or Red…it was my, erm, my uncle and-and my-my dad," her voice finally cracked and there wasn't a damn thing she could do to prevent it. Her body slumped against the front of Nicky's and she felt it shake with sobs that had forced their way out. Once again Lorna was left having no control of her emotions or her body. She felt utterly helpless and hopeless.
Without a second of hesitation, Nicky tightened her arm around Lorna and handed the mug she was holding over to Red so she could wrap her other arm around her as well for double security. Her chin rested on Lorna's head which inadvertently tucked it between the crook of her neck and chest. The place she deemed was only for her Lorna. She sighed and shut her eyes for a moment while also gently swaying the pair of them back and forth. Fingers combed lovingly through the dark brown waves of her girlfriend's hair.
The cracking of Lorna's sweet voice instantly caused a crack in Nicky's heart. No one had been through more painful shit than the brunette she held in her arms right then and there. No one deserved to not have to deal with that pain more than her Lorna she thought as her lungs filled with air. She pressed a warm kiss to the top of Lorna's head and gradually reopened her big brown eyes. "Oh, Lorna," her voice softly muttered, breath warm against the top of one of her ears. "I'm so sorry, doll. So, so, sorry. Did, uh, did anything else happen? Did one of them try to, um, to hurt you?"
Red sat wordlessly beside them listening with a heavy heart to her daughter's girlfriend's heartrending disclosure. She kept her mouth closed for the time being but made sure Lorna knew she was there for her as well by patting her hand softly against her shoulder.
Both of their comforting gestures strengthened the tears in Lorna's eyes. They spilled mercilessly from her lids with her not being able to contain them in any way. She swallowed down thickly and was now left with a painfully uncomfortable lump in the back of her throat. And no matter how many more times she swallowed she couldn't rid herself of the damn lump. It was a tight sensation—a sensation she acquainted to her dad's hands squeezing tightly around her neck like he had in the nightmare. She couldn't get rid of it which only made her heart-rate rise further.
"I—uh—I was sitting in the hallway on the floor but I don't…I never even let neither one a them see me but uh—but um, my dad…he—he, I saw his shadow," the words started fumbling together the more distressed she became. Breathing was growing more and more challenging for her to take part in as her mind became swept up with the recollection of the events of her nightmare. She shakily reached a hand up to her mouth and covered it upon sensing a sob trying to force its way through.
For several minutes she sat waiting for the feeling to dissipate and once it had she felt safe enough to continue on with the explanation. "I saw a shadow poof in fronta me and then I—I didn't even get-get a chance to look up to see for sure if-if it was him," an involuntary sob interrupted her, one she hadn't expected and was too late to halt it from escaping. Tears were expelling along her cheeks in truckloads. She could hardly see from how blurry the tears were making her vision. "I felt his hands—they engulfed around my neck and-and they were squeezing it real real hard, Nicky. I couldn't even…I couldn't even move my body or-or nothing," this time her voice stopped and she couldn't find the will to go on any further. She freely let her body become overtaken by the emotions that had intensely whirled through and came up to the surface.
There was no more energy for Lorna to fight any of it off. She felt limp and numb all over again. The only beneficial thing this time around was that no one was trying to choke the life out of her. Though it felt like her life was being drained out from how physically and mentally fatigued she now happened to be.
The sight in front of her had Nicky gently lifting one hand up to cradle around the crown of Lorna's head. She slowly brought it closer, pressed a tender kiss onto her forehead and then placed it back onto her chest and secured it there with her chin resting soothingly atop it. Her body naturally rocked the two of them in a slow, yet, comforting motion. Each time she felt a sob shake through Lorna's body she tightened her arms around her waist and smothered soft kisses on her head.
"It's okay, babe, everything's okay now. I'm so, so, sorry you had such a horrifying nightmare. One that felt so real to you," she kept her voice low and gentle, letting her lips slowly maneuver their way to Lorna's ear. Fingers stroked around the flesh right behind it, drawing small circles all over the surrounding area. "You're okay and safe here with me, doll. And you don't ever have to worry about either one of those two demons showing up here, not in real life. Ma and I would never let that happen. I promise. We'll protect you. You don't have to fear your nightmare coming true, okay kid?"
Lorna swallowed uneasily, the sobs easing into sporadic sniffles, and timorously nodded her head. Her arms desperately wrapped around Nicky's shoulder and she found herself nuzzling closer and closer to the warmth beneath her. The only place she truly felt safe was right there in her girlfriend's loving arms. Arms that showed only love and compassion towards her unlike the arms of her father or demented uncle. Arms that she knew would never harm her in any way even if she felt that was all she deserved—was pain and suffering. Nicky would do no such thing despite any of Lorna's beliefs about herself. Nicky loved her unconditionally, loved her in a way she didn't even know was possible until she met Nicky.
Once again tears soaked her cheeks as she strengthened her grasp on Nicky. She would never be worthy of Nicky's angelic affection—how could she be when she was so damn fucked up? All she would ever do for Nicky was take her down in the darkness with her. The absolute last thing she wanted to do to the girl she loved with every last fiber of her being. But it wasn't anything she could stop from happening darkness came to Lorna like a magnet did to a fridge. Lorna was a magnet for darkness and suffering. And people who happened to be near her were sucked into it by default. She couldn't allow Nicky to keep being pulled into her messes but she also had not the energy to do anything about that now.
The energy had been wiped out of her not only by the horrendous nightmare she awoke from only an hour ago but also from the taxing therapy session earlier in the day. All she could do at this particular moment was let her body naturally nestle closer to Nicky's and secure her own hold on the shoulders she had previously wrapped her arms around. There was no need to try to push Nicky away, not tonight. Nicky seemed to need her almost as much as she needed Nicky. A sigh tumbled up through her larynx.
"I, uh, I know I can trust you and Red," Lorna spoke in a mere whisper once she felt both the sniffling and sobbing subside a sufficient amount. Her nose snuffled but she felt the tears finally cease and the ones that had fallen amongst her cheeks dried up and left only a sticky residue in their paths. She leaned her head slightly to the side so she could glance up onto Nicky's face; a hand was raised up and placed gently onto one of her cheeks. Fingertips caressed delicately around its soft flesh. "I do trust you and Red. That's why I kinda figured out it was a nightmare."
Nicky pulled Lorna closer, looking down at her with furrowed eyebrows. "You figured that out while ya were in it, doll? Or after ya woke up?" Curiosity piqued as she retained her stare on the brunette. She moved a hand to frame around Lorna's face, mirroring Lorna's gesture, and used her palm to soothingly stroke around her pale cheek.
In response, a nod was naturally given. Lorna slowly let her eyes drift down and focused on the tip of Nicky's chin. She followed the movement of her eyes with her hand, using her thumb to caress small circles around the skin of it. Both to provide a little comfort to Nicky while also distracting herself from the conversation. "Yeah, it took me a little bit but eventually I realized it had to be a nightmare because one my dad's in the hospital and two I just—I don't…I kinda thought that Red wouldn't let my dad or uncle over. It was still real terrifying but I just wanted to wake up and of course I didn't wake up until right when my dad was tryna kill me. I couldn't even stop him, Nicky. I knew it wasn't real and I-I still couldn't do a damn thing about it. Even in my fucking sleep I'm just a weak little girl. Can we really take a karate class or something? I wanna be able to fend for myself when I need to."
That was it, Red decided; she couldn't sit in silence any longer. Scooting slightly closer to the teens, and after having a sip of her tea, Red placed a firm hand on Lorna's face peering at her with the same firmness shining through her blue eyes. "You're damn right I would never allow either one of those sons of bi—" When she realized the language she was using Red instantly cut herself off and took a couple of deep breaths to calm herself. Name calling certainly wouldn't do anything beneficial she mentally reasoned with herself. "I would never allow anyone in this house who thinks it's okay to hurt you, Lorna. That's the first thing," she stated, holding a finger out in front of her. A second finger was lifted and joined the other one. "Second thing is you're not weak. Not even a little bit. It was a nightmare and just because you knew it was one doesn't mean you can have control of it. Now I don't know much about psychology and all that but I do know nightmares are not the same as dreams. Which means nightmares, unfortunately, are supposed to be terrifying and make you feel like you can't do anything. I know that sounds horrible and it is but Lorna that doesn't mean you're weak, okay?" Her eyes flickered as they looked at the brunette, filled with more softness than firmness this time.
Lorna bit down on the tip of her tongue but slowly nodded her head in acknowledgment to Red's words. Though she hadn't entirely believed the latter to be true, she also wasn't in the mindset to start up an argument over it. A warmth suddenly trickled through her body at the realization that at least both Red and Nicky would always be there to look out for her. She bent her head downward, eyes focusing on the string of Nicky's hoody and heaved out a sigh.
"I still think I should take a karate class or something and Nicky, too. Something healthy to get out anger, ya know? And it would be nice if I knew how to defend myself in case I'm ever alone in an alley way," Lorna muttered, shoulders recoiling up in a shrug. She wasn't sure the point of the last sentence she spoke but it spilled out without her even realizing it had gone through her mind.
An intuitive nod was given. Red patted her hand comfortingly against the cheek she had it resting on. "That's a good idea, I think it'd be good for the both of you as well. But why would you ever be alone in an alley way?" Eyebrows arched ponderously over her squinted eyes as she tried to make sense of the statement. The rather random statement.
Another shrug was ignited from the upward movement of Lorna's shoulders. It wasn't a thought she even had, the words just came out before she could do anything about them. "I mean, erm, ya know just in case. I don't know if I ever will be but it'd be nice to know how to defend myself," she muttered, tilting her head and looking down at the pattern of the comforter beneath her.
Squeezing her lovingly, Nicky bent forward to press a warm kiss atop her head. "I'm pretty sure I'll always be here to defend ya from anyone, kid, but you're right—it wouldn't hurt to learn some self-defense moves, yeah? I think it would be kinda fun to take a karate class together. I'd love to watch you trying different moves," she murmured, a faint smirk spreading from the corner of her lips at the visual thought of Lorna in a karate uniform. Her head nodded cohesively with the statement she had made.
Lorna sighed but gave a half smile to her girlfriend. She twisted her head around and peeked out the window to see if the outside could clue her in as to what time it was. The sun had long passed through the horizon and in its place were the moon and brightly lit stars. Lorna shifted her head back, throwing a glance at Red. "What time is it? Is it still evening or late in the night?"
Taking a quick look at the watch on her wrist, Red returned Lorna's stare and let out a light-hearted chuckle. "It's still the same day, just about half past six in the evening. Would you like to finish the tea in the kitchen, perhaps? I could fix us all a little something to eat as well. Maybe some toast and jam with fruit?"
Despite every last part of her wanting to refuse the food, Lorna knew she had to agree to it as to not worry either of the two others'. So, with a plethora of resistance, she very slowly bobbed her head up and down before they all three hopped up from the bed in leu of the kitchen. Once they entered through the archway of it, Lorna and Nicky settled themselves at the table while Red got to work at preparing the toast. Lorna cradled her hand around the handle of her half-full cup of tea, eyes looking into it watching as the liquid swished about side-to-side.
Nicky did the same with her tea for a moment and then lifted it off the table for a long sip. After having replaced the mug on the surface in front of her, she fixed her gaze on Lorna and reached her hand out to lovingly cup over Lorna's with. "You sure you're okay, babe? Do ya need anything? Anything I can do for ya?" Eyebrows waggled concerningly above her eyes which softly peered into the younger teen's with.
A half smile was flashed in her direction. Lorna squeezed the hand that held hers lovingly while shaking her head in response to her round of queries. "I'm okay now, hon. Thanks to you and Red. Thank you. I just I was a little freaked after waking up but I think I'm fine now," she gently assured Nicky, giving another tender squeeze to her hand.
A matching smile appeared on Nicky's face upon hearing the heartfelt words coming from her girlfriend's precious mouth. She used her other hand to reach across the table and lovingly cup around Lorna's cheek with. The tips of her fingers delicately caressed around the length of its flesh. It never ceased to amaze her the resilience in her girlfriend's demeanor—even when life endlessly threw one obstacle after the other at her Lorna never stopped from smiling. Nicky couldn't say the same about herself. If it was her put in those situations she would relentlessly seek out revenge on anyone and everyone who did her wrong. Revenge was an innate part of Nicky's character. No one who caused harm should go unpunished she wholeheartedly believed.
The thoughts had consumed her long enough when she noticed out of the corner of her eyes a lonesome tear crossing its way along the other side of Lorna's face. It rapidly brought Nicky from her mind; she moved her hand to the other cheek and lovingly wiped the tear with a tender thumb. Despite the tear she witnessed Lorna's lips remained curved in the same smile. Shoulders recoiled as she observed closely over the entirety of Lorna's face. She felt a release of air and decided on not bringing that stranded tear to light. If there was more to the nightmare it was only best she let Lorna bring that up when she felt ready to. Forcing it out of her certainly wouldn't do any good. Likely would only cause Lorna to pull away from her as she so easily did.
Their conversation was further halted by Red's carrying over to the table a tray of fresh made toast along with a large bowl of just washed fruit. It was all carefully set down on the wooden surface before Red went to grab a jar of jam from the fridge. She came back with it a couple of seconds later, placing it down right beside the plate of toast and bowl of fruit. Her usual seat she claimed and gestured her hands in the air then moved them in direction of the spread she had just put out.
"Grab a slice of toast and some fruit, girls. The loaf of bread is homemade, I made it the other day. There's some strawberry jam in the jar next to it too. But it's already buttered so if ya don't want jam, believe me it's even delicious with just the butter," Red assured the teens with a soft smile on her face. It hadn't surprised her to see Nicky was the one to first grab for the food; she shifted her eyes onto Lorna who happened to be a lot more hesitant.
The smile faded into a frown to witness the troubling expression on Lorna's face. How her brown eyes darted nervously between the toast and fruit—Red's chest formed a pang in it the longer her eyes lingered on the teen. After a minute more, she raised a hand across the table and placed it comfortingly on Lorna's shoulder. "Did your grandmother ever teach you to dip your toast in your coffee when you were a little one?" The creasing of Lorna's forehead brought a warm chuckle from Red. She threw up her other hand playfully, "What? I may be Russian but back when I was a young one, and still in Russia, I had a couple of friends who happened to be Italian. And their Nonna's were famous for dunking their toast crusts into coffee. Was your Nonna the same?"
Naturally, a laugh escaped from Lorna's throat as she gave a slight nod. Eyes still anxiously gazed at the food in the middle of the table but Red's comment brought back memories that tremendously warmed her heart. She hadn't had much time with her Nonna before she died but the time the two did share was special. Lips found their way into another smile. "She did love having burnt toast with her coffee. She said the more burnt it was the betta it tasted dipped in coffee," she recalled, eyes now glancing up at the ceiling. "I always thought that was real weird but I made toast one day and accidentally burnt it so I decided to take my Nonna's advice and dip it in my coffee. It was real good. But then my mom got mad because I was only nine and coffee would stunt my growth she said," a warm chuckle followed right after. No better memories she had than of her mother and grandmother. The two people who had always been there for her no matter what. Until both of their untimely demises.
Red rubbed her hand gently along one of Lorna's arms before carefully releasing her grasp. "Well then how about I fix a little coffee for you and you get yourself a little piece of toast, okay? Heck, I might give that a try myself and see what all the fuss is about," she mumbled the last bit to herself and then got up to make a quick pot of coffee.
While Red was busy preparing the machine, Lorna slumped uneasily in her seat. Eyes quickly peeled away from the toast and fruit and across onto Nicky. "Nicky?"
Swallowing down the bite of toast she'd taken, Nicky rapidly returned Lorna's stare. Her hand grabbed a hold of Lorna's once more and she gently carried it up to her lips for a comforting kiss. "What is it, doll? You okay?" Concern inflected through her voice as she questioned her girlfriend, fingers caressing around her hand.
"I'm…erm…I'm scared to eat the toast," the brunette meekly answered.
Nicky sighed, protectively wrapping an arm around her waist. "You're allowed to feel that way, baby, but it'll be okay."
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred
The comment quickly had Lorna's head innately bowing in shame of herself and the behavior she displayed over a measly piece of toast. Why did she have to be so afraid of fucking food of all things? The query popped through her mind. After all the shit she'd been through and all the abuse she'd endured why the hell was it that she was more fearful of an inanimate object such as food than she was of what she had done to her? She grinded her teeth into the flesh of her tongue, shaking her head at herself. Clearly, she was the most insane person to ever walk the face of the earth.
Coffee scented the entire room and its steam gradually seeped up through the nostrils of Lorna's nose. An easement came over her immediately upon its entrance. Coffee truly did have the ability to give her comfort and peace. Which, of course, only added to the fact of how mentally insane Lorna wholeheartedly happened to be. Lips twitched into a smirk but then quickly fell back in place. Once again she shook her head in spite of herself and fixed her stare back onto the middle of the table where the toast and fruit resided.
Sensing her worsening apprehension, Nicky lovingly rested a hand on Lorna's arm and waited for her to turn in her direction. When she complied their eyes met and Nicky gave an encouraging smile to her. "I know it's hard, kid, but why don't you go ahead and get a slice of the toast? Come on I know you can do it; you're a strong girl, babe. Plus it is really good, ya gotta try a bite at least. I'll have another one and we can eat it together. Would that help at all—maybe make it a little easier for ya?"
The gesture was sweet and warmed Lorna's heart but nothing would ever make it easier to put food in her mouth and actually swallow it down. She kept that thought to herself, however, knowing it would only make the situation worse. Instead she timidly nodded her head and shakily reached a hand towards the middle of the table to pick up a random piece of the toast. She brought her hand back to right in front of her, realizing she had nowhere to set the food down other than the surface of the table.
A big breath exhaled through her mouth. Eyes momentarily shut as she tried conjure up a plan on what to do.
Nicky noticed the dilemma and quickly grabbed a plate off the tray, placing it in front of Lorna. Her fingers stroked softly around the arm she still had her hand gently pressing into. "There ya go, babe, you can set it on that plate right there," she lovingly directed the blatantly distressed brunette beside her. She watched as Lorna did exactly that and afterwards their brown eyes melded together once more. Nicky sighed and raised her hand up to curl a loose strand of hair behind Lorna's ear with. "It's okay…you don't have to overthink everything, doll. Just take a breath and relax. You'll be okay, I promise."
The comment Nicky made was swiftly followed by Red's returning to the table with a cup of coffee she placed on the surface right in front of where Lorna was situated. While Red took a seat back in her previous chair, after having gone to pour herself a small cup full, Lorna looped her hand in the handle of hers and slowly dragged it closer. Once she was pleased with the amount of distance—or rather lack thereof—between the coffee and herself she bent her head down and took a sniff of the contents of her mug.
Instantly a wave of comfort came over her. She closed her eyes and nodded her head. Nothing smelled better than the strong aroma of a good cup of coffee she believed. Eyes reopened and she lifted her head a bit but fixed her stare down into the cup, checking to make sure the color was up to her standards. Satisfied with both the visual aesthetic and the bold scent, Lorna lifted it off of the table and brought it to her lips for a heavily desirable sip.
Her throat warmed up with each round of coffee that traveled down along it. The apprehension faded a small amount and a half smile reformed from the corners of her lips. "The coffee's real good, Red, thank you," she told her after setting the mug back onto the table's surface. Eyes peered over methodically at the older woman who she saw was staring right back at her with a full smile on her face.
Red sipped her own and nodded her agreement. The coffee tasted nice and strong just the way she liked it. "Of course, honey. I know how to brew a mean coffee if I do say so myself," she said and the three of them all shared a little laugh. Her eyes shifted onto the spread in the middle of the table before she reached a hand over to claim a slice of toast with. She placed it on her plate and then grabbed the jar of jam along with the teaspoon right near it.
While she gradually covered the top of her toast with the strawberry jam, she shifted her gaze up onto Lorna and gestured her other hand at the untouched toast sitting on Lorna's plate. "Have you had a bite yet? I wanna know what you girls think of it—it's a new recipe I tried and I need some opinions on it. You want this jam to spread on? It's strawberry flavor, I just never got into the grape."
Nervously putting her focus onto her own slice of toast, Lorna swallowed thickly and placed a shaking hand near the edge of it. Her lower lip inverted under her top one as she slowly inched her hand closer to the bread. A knot formed in the pit of her stomach the closer her hand got to it; once it was touching the toast slice the knot doubled in size and Lorna swallowed a thick lump. Why did this have to be such a fucking ordeal? Her mind frustratingly cried out. Why did she have to make such a simple task so damn ridiculously challenging? It was toast—a piece of fucking toast for Christ's sake.
Eyes looked the piece of fucking toast precisely over. Each little grain of wheat being mentally counted. It wasn't just a piece of toast. It was a piece of putting on extra weight. Extra weight her body did not need. Air huffed heavily from her chattering lips. Uncle George surely used to remind her of that when she'd try to prepare herself a simple breakfast. She'd never forget his taunting words each time she'd take a bite of any food item in his presence. As if he was the owner of her body and had the right to tell her what to do with it. An eleven year old child at the time. She swallowed uneasily and tried to rid those memories from her mind.
"I-I haven't yet," she truthfully admitted to her own surprise.
Her head lifted up away from her plate of food and peered over at the Russian woman who was now ripping the crust from her own slice of toast and dipping it in her coffee. Lorna had a faint urge to smile but couldn't bring herself to actually do so. The nerves and tension were too much. She opened her mouth and sucked in a deep breath. Attention reluctantly returned to her plain buttered toast; she tried to bring her hand towards the crust to rip it off of the rest but from how vividly it was shaking she couldn't successfully accomplish that.
"You just take your time, Lorna, there's no rush," Red smiled after swallowing the bite she had taken. She waved her hand in the air which kept both the girl's attention. "But I'll say your Nonna sure knew what she was doing dipping the toast in her coffee…it's delicious. Even better than dipping a cookie in it."
Nicky twisted her head around in her mother's direction and threw a glance her way. "Gee I wish I could try that, ma, but I guess I'll never know since ya only made enough coffee for—"
A warm, playful, chuckle escaped from Red as she interjected her daughter's words with the wagging of her finger. "Oh, Nicky, if ya want a coffee go pour yourself a cup. There's enough left in the pot for a small one. I just figured it was a little late for you and the caffeine."
"Wow, ma, you think it's late for me to have caffeine when you're like what twice my age and having a cup?"
Red darkened her stare on her daughter while crossing her arms defensively over her chest. "You better watch that mouth of yours, my girl, I'm not that old yet. I can still fight. Now go on and get your coffee so you can see how good this is."
The redhead teenager abided by her mother's word and hurriedly went to prepare herself a cup of coffee. Only a few minutes later did she return to the table with it. She sipped the bold beverage happily and then set it down next to her empty plate. A hand reached towards the middle of the table, grappling onto a second slice of toast which she carefully brought back to her plate and placed it right on top. She copied her mother's earlier movement ripping some of the crust from the bread and dunking it into the mug of coffee.
Complacent with the amount of coffee the piece soaked up Nicky brought it back out of the cup and up to her mouth to eat the piece with. Several chews later it was finally swallowed down and she fixed her eyes on Red, nodding at her, and then shifted them onto Lorna who still had yet to even nibble on any of her toast. "Hmm, that really does taste pretty good. You Italians sure know how to eat good, huh kid?"
The lump in Lorna's throat grew more uncomfortable despite the forced smile she molded on her face. She gave a slight nod even though the comment was ironic since the last thing she did was eat good. Fuck she was lucky if she even ate at all anymore these days. For fuck's sake she still couldn't even take a measly damn bite of the damn little piece of toast she ripped off. Eating good was not in her vocabulary and hadn't been in years. Not since before the whole incident with her uncle happened.
After having a couple more bites of the toast, Nicky sighed at the mere fact that she still had yet to witness Lorna even take one. She scooted her chair closer to Lorna and wrapped a soothing arm around her shoulder. Her other hand she cupped around Lorna's cheek with, slowly turning her so that their faces and eyes were on the same level. "Come on, doll, ya gotta have a bite. I know it's scary but you haven't had hardly anything to eat today so I'm gonna need you to eat that slice of toast in front of ya. Please. How about we get some jam spread on there and maybe put a little of the fruit on your plate? You like strawberries and blueberries don't ya?" A loose strand of brown hair caught her eye which she moved softly away with her index finger.
Biting down on her bottom lip, Lorna looked back at Nicky with somewhat widened eyes. Jam had calories in it which would make her toast even more fattening for her she mentally calculated. Plus the sugar and carbs and the fruit which contained those as well, she couldn't even fathom consuming all of them at once. That was enough to last her an entire week. The mental calculations caused anxiety to express itself physically through the prominent creasing of her forehead.
Her hand felt the cold glass of the jam jar pressing right into its palm which had instantly taken Lorna out from her incessant thoughts. Eyes apprehensively put their focus onto the item. The way it was facing meant her stare was right on the nutrition facts. She swallowed uncomfortably, trying to not look at the many different numbers written on them. However, her thumb had a mind of its own and quickly found its way onto the paper covering around the glass jar right where the nutrition information was listed out.
It moved down until landing right above the calorie line. Interest piquing, Lorna's eyes gradually narrowed down onto where her thumb was resting and read the caloric number with a searing intensity. Shortly after her eyes squeezed tightly shut and she did her best to not think too much over the number. Fifty calories wasn't that bad, she tried to rationalize with herself. It wasn't that much. But it was. Fifty calories was half of one hundred which meant she would be eating merely one hundred calories just from the damn tablespoon of jam. She swallowed down a thick coating of saliva that had uncomfortably formed at the tip of her tongue before shakily lifting her hand up towards the lid.
A few minutes it took for Lorna to screw the lid off from the jar. Once she had succeeded, the overwhelming aroma of sugary fruit spread hit her nose within seconds. The smell was delightful, a welcoming one but also proved to her how all she was about to put inside of her was a sugary carbohydrate-latent glob of fruit. Fruit she couldn't tell if it was fresh or synthetic. Though she felt a heaping volume of discomfort towards it all, Lorna pushed through and grabbed a spoon to retrieve some of the fruit spread with. She had no time to sit and stress over this. Not if she wanted to keep Nicky and Red from worrying over her. She needed them to believe she was fine, better. And damn it she was going to do exactly that.
The spoon of jam was brought over to her slice of toast and very carefully spread onto the top of it where the melted butter had soaked into the warm center of it. After the spoon was wiped clean Lorna set it aside and resealed the jar with its lid. To ease away some of her discomfort, Lorna reached for her coffee and took a slow sip of it. Her head turned slightly and she watched Nicky take the jam jar, copying her earlier gesture by taking a spoonful of the jam and spreading it on her toast as well.
Nicky finished her task and once she placed the jar back onto the middle of the table, she turned to return Lorna's stare with one of her own. It wasn't hard for her to observe the blatant distress showing itself on the younger teen's face. A frown flickered slightly on hers. She reached a hand over, placing it lovingly overtop of Lorna's. "I know this is scary for ya, kid, but you've done so good putting the jam on your toast. I didn't think you would, I'm proud a ya for that."
Having the tenderness of Nicky's thumb caressing along the knuckles of her hand Lorna breathed in and exhaled slowly. Comfort warmed through her entire body as she placed her other hand onto the edge of her piece of toast, nervously ripping a sliver of the crust off with two of her fingers. She swallowed a lump but brought the small piece of crust over to her coffee cup and slowly dunk it inside. When it was soaked just right Lorna retrieved it and lifted it timorously up to her faintly tremoring lips.
She closed her eyes for a moment hoping the gesture would somehow make it easier to consume the item but all it did was make her lips tremor more. A frustrated breath shook through her esophagus. She opened her eyes and glared darkly at the crust in her hand. Mere millimeters from her mouth. She hated how weak she was. How much she feared a crumb of a piece of ripped up toast. Normal people didn't fucking struggle the way she seemed to over something so damn simple. Something that everyone had to do every day just to fucking breathe and keep functioning.
Something she couldn't bring herself to do without overanalyzing every miniscule fucking goddamn detail. It was utterly exhausting; sometimes that made her wish she wasn't this way. Wasn't a person so meek and timid around food. A person who dreaded each and every meal, who longed to not be around other people just for them to worry and try to encourage her that eating was good for her. That if she ate—even small amounts—she'd be doing her body well.
Lorna grinded on her teeth and shook her head. The mountain she would have to climb to achieve such a thing was not worth the outcome in her eyes. She liked where she was right now, she didn't want to get out of it. Didn't want to go back to eating the way everyone else did and gain weight again. But she also knew if she didn't at least try she would only keep her girlfriend stressing and fraying. So, despite all of her own desires, she forced the crumb of crust slice into her mouth and chewed it in a thorough manner.
To aid in the task, she grabbed her coffee and sipped a good portion of it down making chewing the food a lot less dreary. By the time she'd swallowed the mixture of coffee and crust down she could hardly remember there was once food in her mouth. Relief washed over her and she settled her eyes on what remained on her plate. There still lied a decent portion of the toast she noted with a defeated breath. A normal person would pick the damn thing up and eat it that way but not Lorna. No, Lorna had to make it into a damn mountain as with everything else she did. She was getting to a point where she was fed the fuck up with herself. But even feeling like that she still couldn't get herself to give in and eat the toast in the way regular every day people had. The fear had a crippling effect on her and because of that it trumped all other feelings.
As her hand anxiously rested itself underneath the toast slice, her eyes shifted up staring between Red and Nicky. Both who had just simultaneously dipped their own slices in their cups of coffee and had currently been in the process of chewing it. Lorna sighed, focusing back on her own plate. There was so much worse happening in her life, she knew, and yet she was more scared of eating the fucking toast than of the thought of having to have her liver transplanted into her father. She shook her head at herself. What the fuck kind of sense did that make? Eating a slice of toast should be nothing in the grand scheme of things she tried to reason. However, reasoning with herself was never an easy task. No one was more stubborn than she was and she fucking knew it. Sure, Nicky could be pretty hard-headed occasionally but not nearly as much as she could be.
Air soundly escaped her lungs and she allowed her eyes to squeeze tightly shut. That piece of toast had to be eaten and fast; she wasn't about to worry the people she loved any more that night. So, with her eyes remaining closed, Lorna brought the item closer to her mouth and forced herself to take a bite of it. Right after her other hand rapidly reached for the coffee and raised it up for a sip. The mixture of coffee and toast swirled around inside her mouth, its taste bringing about a comforting sensation.
Lips naturally sprung up into a smile. Her eyes still shut, she could see her mother's sitting at the kitchen island with coffee in one hand and a beautifully crafted slice of toast in the other. She copied what Lorna had just done, biting off some of the toast and sipping the golden liquid from the mug she held right after. Stansie appeared as healthy as ever sitting on that stool having her normal weekday breakfast. Lorna missed waking up for school and going down the stairs of the Morello house to see that heartwarming sight each morning.
Her thoughtful daydream was swiftly interjected from the sound of either a spoon or fork falling to the floor, making a rather boisterous collision. The smile instantly fell into a frown as her eyes finally opened once more. It hurt to realize all of what she had only seconds earlier witnessed was only a visual hallucination of her mind. Her mother was still dead, she swallowed uneasily. There wasn't anything she could do to change that. No amount of thoughts or prayers or visualizations could magically bring her back. Death was the one permanent thing in this world. She sighed, tilting her head down and staring onto the pattern of the wood.
"Wow kid, ya ate half a the toast," Nicky gently commented, an impressed smile on her face. She wrapped an arm around Lorna's shoulder and gave her a tender squeeze. "Good job, babe. That's impressive for you."
The comment was certainly meant in good nature Lorna mentally took note of but a part of her felt rather uneasy hearing it. She looked onto her plate to see and realized she indeed had eaten half of the toast slice. Her frown only grew a bit more. She should have been pleased with herself for consuming that amount but deep down she was disgusted. That half piece of toast now whirled about in her stomach, its calories being absorbed and soon they would be aiding in her body's weight gain.
Despite the disdain, Lorna forced her frown to morph into a smile as she lifted her head to return Nicky's stare. "Erm thanks, hon. The coffee helps make it easier to eat, I guess." Shoulders bounced up concurrently while she spoke. Eyes gradually averted onto her girlfriend's plate which only had a quarter of the toast left sitting on it. "Do ya like it dipped in the coffee?"
The apprehension did not go unnoticed. Nicky squeezed her lovingly before releasing her grasp and settling for holding one of Lorna's hands instead. It was soon lifted up to her mouth where a delicate kiss was pressed onto each and every one of Lorna's knuckles. "Yes, I never thought coffee could make toast taste so good but damn have I been proven wrong today. That's one heck of a flavor, kid. Your Nonna was one smart lady, yeah?"
A more genuine smile shaped on Lorna's face now. Her head bobbed up and down in a slightly enthusiastic manner. "She really was, and so was my mom. I wish they were still alive so you could meet them. My mom would be real happy to know I've finally made a friend who isn't just tryna use me for some reason or another…at least that's what she always said. And I think she'd be even happier to know you're my girlfriend, too. Cause' ya got such a kind heart, Nicky. Mom woulda liked to meet ya. But now she never will and I'm so mad. It just ain't fair and I can't change it. I wish I could make her live again…I'd do anything to have that chance. Anything."
Nicky frowned hearing the blatant despair inflecting through Lorna's voice. Her hand squeezed tighter around the one she held and gradually she brought it closer to her, placing it softly onto her chest. She held it there with hers covering over the top of it, brushing her fingers softly along its flesh. Eyes peered softly into Lorna's, reading them with as much accuracy as possible. The amount of desolation observed encouraged her other hand to frame affectionately around her pale cheek. Fingertips soothingly caressed along the length of it.
"I understand how hard it is for ya without her, doll. And I'm so sorry you had to lose her. I wish, too, that she could be alive again but unfortunately we can't travel back in time to change any of the events from happening," her voice softly murmured. A sigh following directly after; fingers stroked comforting circles around the flesh of Lorna's cheek.
It was just past nine in the evening on a Tuesday late in the fall when Stansie Morello had settled onto the recliner in the living room after having tucked in her youngest for the night. A mug of tea rested in one hand while the other held a book her eyes were busy looking into, reading each word effortlessly. She sipped the tea sporadically as she read. One of her favorite ways to spend her evenings after a long day of work and wrangling her three rowdy children.
However, her peaceful endeavor was rapidly halted from the loud slamming of the front door only a few moments after having gotten settled in with her book and tea. Air defeatedly escaped out of her windpipe. She didn't even need to look up to know it was her drunken husband who had entered through that damn door. Quickly, and with a high volume of resistiveness, Stansie set her mug down on a coaster on the end-table beside the recliner and then placed the book right next to it.
Arms folded displeasingly over her chest while her eyes narrowed on her husband's figure. His rather unsteady figure she took note of from how his body ever-so-lightly swayed from one side to the other. "Could ya not slam the damn door next time? Lorna's asleep and I would appreciate if ya didn't wake her with all your damn inconsiderate behavior," the words fumbled bitterly from her mouth; her stare heating up with each one she spoke. She shook her head to observe how dilated Joe's eyes were. His alcohol consumption only worsened by the day she sadly concluded.
"How much did ya have to drink, Joe? Ya look fuckin' trashed. Why are ya drivin' when you're so damn drunk? Are ya tryna end up dead or killin' someone else?"
The interrogation hadn't gone over well with Mr. Morello. He walked—rather wobbled—his way closer to Stansie and once he was within touching distance, grabbed harshly at one of her shoulders. To stable himself, he placed his other hand roughly on Stansie's other shoulder. His intoxicated brown eyes glared intensely into Stansie's blue ones. "Who the fuck are you to question my choices? I'm a grown ass man, Stansie, and I can drink if I fuckin' wanna. And after you tried to fuckin' get my brotha in trouble with the damn cops I have a fine damn reason to do so. Now ya hush up and leave me alone."
Anger seized through each of Stansie's veins. Regret was a sure understatement to how she felt with her decision to marry Joe Morello all those years earlier. If she could press a button and erase the two of them ever meeting to begin with there was no hesitation in her mind that she'd slam a hand on that button in a heart-beat. She reached her own hands up and forced Joe's off of her shoulders. Instead she rearranged them so hers were digging into the blades of his own.
"A grown ass man, are ya?" Venom oozed through her voice. Hands grasped fiercer on his shoulders. Eyes not once faltering from his. "Grown ass men don't fuckin' spend the entire day sittin' at bars getting wasted and driving home at an illegal alcohol limit, do they?" Her mouth became dry from the intensifying anger spilling out of her; she took a moment to breathe before continuing on with her rage-driven rant. "I really don't fuckin' need a call in the middle a the damn night from an officer tellin' me my idiot drunk husband fuckin' murdered someone from driving under the damn influence, Giuseppe. Do ya fuckin' have any regard for our kids or me? Clearly not or ya wouldn't be drinkin' yourself silly."
That was all it took for Mr. Morello to lose his cool. He used his head as a means to push Stansie back against the recliner with. After he heard her slam into it, he grabbed her tea from the end-table and dumped it on her spitefully. A drunken smirk spilled across his face while watching Stansie's astonished expression etch upon her own. Before she could do anything about it, he threw the mug onto the ground and listened as it shattered into pieces.
Tears were quick to form in Stansie's eyes. The tea had cooled so it wasn't hot enough to burn her with but certainly wasn't a pleasant sensation having it dumped on her. She stood up from the recliner and looked back at her husband with unimaginable pain seeping from her blue eyes. "You've turned into a person I don't even recognize anymore, Giuseppe. You know that mug was my motha's and how much fuckin' time she put into making it. Oh I can't even fucking believe ya right now. I swear to God I'll divorce you. I mean it; I'm sicka this and I'm sicka how ya treat the kids, especially Lorna. I want ya the hell outta this house first thing tomorrow."
A menacing chuckle tumbled from Mr. Morello's throat. He shook his head. "The house is under my name. And over your dead fucking body will there be any divorce happening. Mark my words."
Chapter 102
Notes:
Thanks so much to everyone who's still reading this, I appreciate it a lot. :) I'm still unsure if the story will truly end at 110 chapters or keep going, I can't seem to figure out how to end this story. Ideas keep coming and I feel like I may never get to a place where I can end it, hah. For now I'll keep it at 110 but do beware this story could easily go beyond that length :)
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred One
Lorna lay awake, curled on one side, on her bed as her ears picked up on the screaming and things being slammed about from the floor below her room. She naturally felt her body flinch each time something fell or broke. When the shattering sound of a ceramic mug appeared to cling against the wooden floor she forced herself up from the mattress and timidly made her way towards the door of her bedroom. She reached her hand for the knob and gradually pulled it until the door opened.
The yelling immediately grew louder and her ears were able to coherently absorb what was being said between her parents. What she heard her dad saying to her mom made a madness twitch through her body. Lips curved into a frown while her eyes leaked a few tears. Hearing her dad's shouting something about over her mother's dead fucking body—it left a sour taste in her mouth. It may have just been a saying people said from time to time but the way her dad shouted it now…it surely didn't seem like he was just saying it to say it. The pure evil inflecting through his voice intensified the bubbling suspicion within her.
It wouldn't surprise her too terribly if her father was secretly plotting to murder her mom along with she and her siblings, too. Now that he was a raging alcoholic nothing about him shocked her anymore. Mr. Morello was a very different man than the one she remembered as a toddler. He hadn't been nice to her for years and the way he treated her mother wasn't much better. She couldn't remember the last time her father did anything nice for them all. All he did was scream, shout, and throw things around. Drink until he forgot his children's names.
The screaming continued and she was halfway towards the staircase when she heard the creaking of a door from the hallway. Instantly her body stopped and twisted around to see who the culprit of that noise was. Her eyes met with Franny's, who quickly made her way over and grabbed a hold of Lorna's hand. The hand pulled on hers firmly yanking her from the stairwell over towards her bedroom where she'd just come out of seconds prior.
Upon entering back through the previously opened door, Franny secured the lock of it once shut and then sat Lorna down on the mattress of her bed. "I don't know what dad's goin' on about down there but the last thing he needs is to see ya walkin' down there. He's already drunk and pissed from what I can hear; he'd just get even more pissed to see you and I don't want ya to end up hurt so just stay here with me until he stops with all the screaming, okay?"
A visible gulp was swallowed down Lorna's esophagus. Her head nodded its response. She brought her legs up to her chest and rested her chin on her knees. Eyes fixed themselves across the room at her older sister who stood anxiously leaning against one of her wooden clothing dressers. Though she tried to keep calm, Lorna could effortlessly see Franny was just as terrified over the ordeal as she had been. Her head tilted down after having realized that and focused on the flowers making up the pattern of Franny's comforter.
She traced her thumb around one of the daisies, trying to think of what to say or ask. Worry and trepidation had set in the moment she heard what was happening in the living room through the vents in her bedroom. The echoing of their father's words made her wonder if he truly did have a killer bone in his body. Had all his alcohol consumption somehow changed the chemistry of his brain? Was he evil now because of how much beer he drank each day?
Lorna felt a lump form in her throat and stopped her thumb from moving any farther on the comforter. Her stomach twisted into a knot the more she let her thoughts and mind wonder. She lifted her head up again, giving a terrified glance at the older brunette. "Fran, do ya—do ya think dad might wanna kill mom?" It wasn't easy getting those words out of her mouth but having her dad's comment about the dead body echoing around her mind she needed to know if it was a true possibility. From a person who likely had a more rational head on their shoulder than she clearly had.
Hearing such an absurd comment, Franny finally moved away from her dresser and went over to her bed to sit down beside Lorna. As she settled on the mattress, her body turned so that she was directly facing her sister. She sighed when she saw the intense fear oozing from Lorna's brown eyes. An arm was instantly wrapped around her shoulder, gently pulling her a little closer. She combed a hand through her thick brown waves while gazing straight ahead towards the window.
"I really don't think so, hon," her voice softly assured, embracing the petite child securely against her. Eyes watched as a tree branch whirled from one side of the window to the other. The wind had picked up quite considerably since Mr. Morello's return a half hour earlier. "Dad says a lotta things he shouldn't but I don't believe he'd ever do anything like kill mom. At least I really hope not."
Drawing in a large breath, Lorna leaned closer into the embrace and found her head naturally resting on one of Franny's shoulders. Franny's response hadn't eased any of the fear away but it did bring a small comfort. Maybe that was all it was—a simple comment dad said in a rage. Or maybe both she and Franny were just thinking wishfully about it. He was their father after all, how could they just make an assumption that he was a secretive murderer in the making? Rather, how could she make that sort of assumption?
"But why was he screamin' about over mom's dead body? What if he actually means it, Fran?" Tears welled in her eyes as she stared despairingly up into her sister's.
The mere thought of their mother dying at the hands of their father only deepened the knot in Lorna's gut. She couldn't fathom it. Couldn't comprehend how he could even say something like that—as if her mother's life was a joke to him. It made her sick to ponder over. Mrs. Morello was the absolute most kind-hearted, loving, compassionate soul to ever grace that planet and to think her father had the audacity to joke about taking her life…oh did that leave her feeling vastly disturbed.
"Lorn, hon, sometimes people just say things like that. It doesn't mean dad would actually kill her. It's a saying is all. Okay? Please don't worry about it. I promise nothing bad like that will happen."
Another weekday evening Stansie settled into her recliner with a book. This time her usual tea forgotten. Or at least she thought so until she witnessed her husband walking towards her with a mug in his hand. When he handed the mug to her, her brows furrowed skeptically over her matching skeptical eyes. She took the mug cautiously but hadn't removed her stare from her husband. Such behavior she found odd—she couldn't remember the last time he brought her a cup of tea. Hell, she couldn't remember the last time he was nice to her either. The past year all the two did was argue and fight over one thing or another. Usually Joe's drinking.
Yet, now, as her eyes searched his stance precisely she observed for the first time in months Joe hadn't that drunken daze in his eyes as he usually had. The uneasiness instantly grew upon such realization. Something was off, that much she knew for sure. Placing the mug on the end-table, Stansie crossed her arms over her chest and narrowed her stare. "What're ya up to?"
Throwing his hands up in defeat, he looked shamefully down at the floor. "I just wanted to apologize for being such an ass lately. I made ya the cinnamon tea ya like," he mumbled no louder than a whisper. Hoping his words and actions came across sincere enough for his wife to believe him. For his wife to feel satisfied and sip the tea down. The tea he put a little more than just cinnamon flavored tea in. He gritted down on his teeth to keep the smirk he felt threatening to form from forming at all.
"Hm," Stansie huffed out, folding her arms tighter over her chest. She placed her hand on the handle of the recliner, pulling it so that the leg rest popped out. Eyes hadn't moved away from her husbands' through the entire ordeal. "So, ya think one little cup a tea is gonna make all the yellin' and shit go away? I think ya just wanna butter me up so I don't fuckin' kick ya out and divorce you, huh?"
A façade of guilt flashed on Mr. Morello's face. He lifted his shoulders slightly and then rustled his hands into the pockets of his jeans. "I just wanted to do somethin' nice for the woman I love. I'll be less of a jerk, Stansie, just give me another chance please. Come on, you know a divorce won't solve anything either. And it would only hurt the kids. Do ya really wanna put them through that? What'll the church say? The kids will be ridiculed every time they go…I know I don't want that for them," he commented, keeping his stare on the wooden floorboards beneath his feet.
Trying to be nice to his wife proved to be more of a challenge than he expected. However, despite the challenge, he knew he had to pretend if he wanted his plan to work. He needed Stansie to believe in him and their relationship enough to consume that tea. The tea was all part of the plan—a plan he'd been working on since the day he heard Stansie threatening to call the police. There was no way he was going to jeopardize a plan he spent so much time and energy on building. That plan was the only way he could permanently silence his wife from ever bringing his brother's behavior to light and he damn well was determined to go through with it. No matter how the fuck impossible it seemed.
Shaking her head, Stansie felt an uncomfortable knot mold into the pit of her stomach. Something about this entire conversation seemed rather unsettling to her. It was difficult for her to tell if he was being genuine or not. On one hand, there hadn't been anything she wanted more than for her old husband to return. The man she met in high school who was sweet and kind, who was the traditional gentleman she had dreamed about. However, on the other, she knew Joe had manipulative tendencies and wasn't fond of being drawn in only to have the cruel reality slap her right in the face soon after.
An ache formed between her temples the longer she allowed her mind to wonder over this whole ordeal. Her hand reached for the cup of tea she had previously placed on the end-table, bringing it up to her lips for a much-needed sip. Tea always did seem to calm her nerves and ease away whatever tension molded onto her forehead. The warm cinnamon flavor soothed all the way down from her mouth to her throat. "The only way you'll get another chance is if you prove you deserve it by your actions, Joe. That means ya betta stop with the drinking and I don't want to ever see ya even looking at Lorna wrong. If I see ya so much as yell at her, I'll kick ya outta this house so damn fast you won't even know what the hell hit ya. Is that understood?"
Fighting away the boiling rage, Mr. Morello bit down on his tongue and curtly nodded his head. At least he'd gotten Stansie to finally sip that damn tea he'd made for her. Accomplishing that was sufficient in helping him keep his anger from displaying out. All he had to do was keep up this charade for a few months and soon the nightly teas should be slowly taking every last breath from his wife's lungs. It shouldn't be too long before she was forever silent he reminded himself. Not too long at all.
The waiting room of the hospital never felt any less sterile or unnerving. Any time Lorna found herself sitting in one she could hardly breathe from how stale and cold the air around her appeared to be. This time was no different. She sat uneasily on the metal chair, legs dangling downward from how short her stature happened to be. Eyes peered straight ahead watching nurses as well as other medical personnel walk from one part of the hallway to the next. The room was busy with movement and sounds of machinery being dragged along the marble tiled floor.
A few feet to the left was the nurses' station where Franny happened to be hovering over, clearly saying something to them from the way her mouth was moving about. Lorna sighed and brought her focus back to where she sat. All she wanted was to get the hell out of there, far away from that forsaken place as humanly possible. But not having the ability to drive—rather not being of age to drive—Lorna had no choice other than to sit there and wait.
Too caught up with her thoughts she hadn't realized the chair beside her had been occupied until a hand was felt touching onto one of her shoulders. The unexpected sensation instinctively caused a flinch out of her. She nearly jolted out of her own seat from how violently her body flinched upon the feeling of a random hand on her shoulder. Once she was able to relax back into her chair, she shifted her head towards where she felt the hand coming from and was utterly relieved to see it was only her brother.
"Sorry, Lorn, didn't meana scare ya," Mikey commented when he caught a glimpse of the faint terror oozing from his younger sister's facial features. He gave a comforting squeeze to the shoulder he had his hand on along with a half-smile in Lorna's direction.
Recoiling her shoulders in a slight shrug, Lorna inhaled a strong breath before releasing it right back out. "It's fine," she muttered, returning her focus onto her hands she had resting in her lap. Another breath huffed its way through her. Sitting in that waiting room was fucking agonizing. Brought back memories of the times she spent there waiting to see her mother. Waiting for her mother to finally walk out of the hospital with them all even though, at the time, she knew that was likely to never happen. And it didn't. The only way Mrs. Morello came out of the hospital was in a body bag in leu of the funeral home.
Shifting in his chair, Mikey looked his sister methodically over and sighed. The half-smile on his face rapidly dissipated. Despite Lorna's comment about being fine, her demeanor said otherwise he effortlessly noticed. Clearly being in a hospital made her uncomfortable—he could conclude that by the way she sat at the complete edge of her seat. Air sounded through his windpipe. He couldn't blame her for having a sensation like that in a place akin to this. He, too, felt a bit unsettled sitting in the waiting area. The aura appeared eerie, stuffy—and he'd been in a lot of eerie places from his time in the army, none of them quite as eerie as a hospital waiting room.
His hand fell from Lorna's shoulder and instead he wrapped a comforting arm around her, giving a gentle squeeze to it. "Ya don't look too fine, Lorn. I get it. I ain't real fond a being in this place either. Hospitals give me the creeps…ever since mom, erm, since the cancer and all," he carefully worded his statement, not wanting to inadvertently upset the younger girl. He sighed, staring down the hall where their older sister had remained conversing with a medical personnel.
"Mikey," Lorna called out, gradually turning her head to stare at her brother. An indistinguishable expression melded onto her face as her eyes stared directly into his. She waited until a nonverbal acknowledgement was given to continue on with what she'd been longing to say—or ask, rather. The tips of her fingers traced blankly around the pattern of the chair's armrest. "What if it wasn't cancer that made mom die? Do ya ever wonder about it? I do," her voice sifted off the more she realized the words that were coming from her mouth. She hadn't brought up the possibility of her dad's trying to kill Mrs. Morello since before the cancer had even been diagnosed.
Eyebrows knitted ponderously over Mikey's equally as ponderous eyes. Both arms were crossed over his chest while he looked Lorna over, trying to understand where the unexpected query was coming from. He certainly hadn't expected her to ask something like that. It seemed rather absurd to him—what else could have been the cause for how sick their mom had been aside from cancer? The thought just hadn't made much sense to him. He drew in a breath and bit down on the side of his mouth. The look on Lorna's face told him he needed to be very careful with how he responded.
"Erm, no, I haven't really thought about that. What, um, what makes ya think somethin' else coulda been the reason mom died? I mean the cancer was real bad, Lorn, I don't think there's another answer for her death."
Lorna opened and closed her mouth a few times then shook her head. There was no need to voice her concerns, she thought. Even if there was the slightest possibility that her suspicions were true it was too late to have them brought to light. Mr. Morello was on death's doorstep and clearly wouldn't be alive long enough to pay for the murder if it were indeed true. A sigh distastefully crunched from her throat. He was an utterly slimy little snake always somehow managing to escape the consequences of his actions just as Uncle George appeared to do. Neither would likely ever have to face up to what they've done and the thought alone made Lorna sick to her stomach. Life wasn't fair, not one little bit.
Fortunately, before she could come up with an answer, the pair were interrupted by Franny's walking back over to them. Relief coursed through her in the form of a gracious sigh. The dismal expression etched on Franny's face, however, wiped the relief clean just as fast as it had previously came over her. Lorna sat up straighter in her seat and crossed one leg over the other. Hands folded neatly on top of them. "Why do ya look like that, Fran? I guess dad's still alive," the last bit mumbled disgruntledly.
Slumping into the chair on Lorna's left, Franny threw up her hands in defeat. Ironically the last time they were sat in a hospital waiting on news on one of their parents' it was wanting said parent to be alive but now it was death they longed to overcome their father. If it hadn't been such a serious matter Franny would have laughed at the absurdity of it all. But she couldn't even bring herself to as much as smirk; her lips remained in a bitter frown.
"Oh yeah, dad's still alive alright," she muttered, shaking her head in disbelief.
The audacity that man had to force not only his doctor but the poor, sweet, nurses at the nurses' station as well to try to get Lorna to give in and donate him a part of her liver infuriated Franny to no end. Boiled a desire to walk in his room during the night and smother the fucking life out of him. The longer she allowed her mind to wonder with thoughts of her father the angrier she became. Anger wouldn't solve the problem, she realized, but she couldn't comprehend how their father could be so damn cruel. How he could value one of his own child's life so little like he had with Lorna. It caused her skin to crawl from how intense the rage she felt was.
"Now he's got all the nurses trying to convince me why Lorna oughta give up a part of her fucking liver to that goblin of a man." The rage poured through stronger each word she spoke. She couldn't stop incessantly shaking her head; it was the only thing she could do to keep from marching into their father's room and smothering one of the pillows on his face. She shifted in her seat, taking her face in her hands and exhaling noisily. "I don't understand why the hell they made us come in for bullshit they coulda said on the phone. The answer is still gonna be no regardless of where they ask. Fucking insane is what all this is."
Goblin of a man. The comment repeated through Lorna's mind and she had to cover a hand over her mouth to keep from chuckling. Her mind couldn't focus on anything else Franny was saying; she remained engulfed in the fact that Franny acquainted their evil father to a damn goblin. Lips had twitched into a faint smirk even though she had tried to keep them from doing so. Her attempts had clearly failed. Or her lips chose to ignore her mind's command.
A hand she reached across to place on Franny's arm. The sensation quickly had the older brunette turning her head in Lorna's direction. Once their eyes met, Lorna couldn't refrain any longer from chuckling. "Do ya know ya just referred to dad as a goblin, Fran?" More and more light-hearted chuckles vibrated through her windpipe. "That's an insult to goblins—goblins aren't evil like dad," she matter-of-factly pointed out, which encouraged a snicker from Mikey as well now.
Franny sucked in her lower lip. How could Lorna make light of any of this conversation? The question naturally popped through her mind upon listening to the comment Lorna made. Out of everything she said the only thing her sister got from it was the damn comment she let slip about their damn father being a goblin of a man? She shook her head even fiercer. Lorna surely thought of her life as a joke too, it seemed. The knot in her stomach only strengthened. And Mikey's snicker just kept on encouraging both the knot and the anger to continue growing.
She couldn't sit there and make light of any of this current situation. Their father's fucking life was in Lorna's hands of all people and it maddened her to no end. Lorna was a child what the fuck did these damn medical professionals think they were doing trying to get a child to go through with such a life-altering procedure just to save a man who fucking spent the last several years abusing her? Her rage was almost untamable at that point. This was no joking matter she deemed.
"I'm glad the two a you children think this is funny," her voice was curt and in no way reciprocating the light-hearted banter that her younger two siblings happened to be. Franny switched the positions of her legs and defensively crossed each arm over her chest. Eyes peered heatedly between Lorna and Mikey. "Lorna, this is your fucking liver and health that's at stake here and you're worried about me offending goblins?" The disbelief was blatant to see in her heavily widened blue eyes.
Though it was clear to both Lorna and Mikey how bothered Franny was, neither could resist from snickering even more. Lorna snickered so hard she had to hold a hand over her chest to regain her composure as well as catch her breath. Once she calmed down sufficiently, she turned her head to return her older sister's intense stare. Her smile faded into a frown and arms fell limp in her lap. She knew what was at stake for her own behalf; she wasn't stupid. But with all the shit thrown her way the past couple of weeks the only way she could try to get through it was by making light of things. It may not have made sense to Franny but she didn't need it to. It was her life and her shit to deal with. She had the right to deal with it how she saw fit, not how Franny or Mikey or anyone else thought she should.
"Well, I don't see why making a little joke about something that's funny is so bad but I guess ya ain't got no funny bones left in ya, huh? You're the one who called dad a goblin of a man, Franny. Excuse me for finding it silly and laughing," Lorna coldly responded, glaring back disdainfully at the older brunette beside her.
Eyes rolled back into their sockets for several seconds before returning to their normal position. Franny's arms crossed tighter over her chest as she fixed her gaze away from Lorna. "Well, excuse me for being pissed that our idiotic father is tryna so hard to get his sick hands on your liver. God forbid I care about my little sista, huh? And no I don't have any fucking funny bones when it comes to you and your damn health, Lorna."
Mikey stood up from his chair and walked over to stand in front of his arguing sisters. Hands were thrown out and waved in their faces to gain their attention. Once both reluctantly turned their eyes onto him, he waved his hands as a gesture for them to stand up as well. "Come on stop with the bickering and let's get outta here, okay? We can stop for a coffee and talk about this like civilized humans. Fightin' ain't gonna make any a this better, is it?" He arched an eyebrow, eyes flickering between the two brunettes. Both exhaled matching defeated breaths and followed suit.
No sooner the three Morellos' sat down in the cafeteria with their coffees they were interrupted by a woman with a clipboard marching over towards them. The expression on her face showed the three that she clearly meant business. As soon as she was hovering above their table, Lorna instantly recognized her to be Mrs. Figueroa. An instant eye roll was made. She lifted up her cup of coffee and sipped it in a slow, drawn out, manner. This oughta be good, she thought to herself.
Slamming the bottom of her clipboard onto the surface of the table, Mrs. Figueroa narrowed her eyes on Lorna. Her throat was cleared a lot louder than was blatantly necessary but she didn't care too much about that. She shook her head disappointedly at the young teenager before her. Another troubled teenager in the system. Unruly, rebellious, troubled girl who refused to abide by any rules. She flipped through the papers on the clipboard and then pushed it in front of Lorna.
"You see this Miss Morello?" She wagged a finger at the paper, giving a hardened stare at the young brunette. "Right here is the document that clearly states the Chapmans are your appointed foster family, isn't that so?" A pause was taken so that Lorna could acknowledge her question. Mrs. Figueroa hadn't continued until she witnessed a meek nodding of Lorna's head. She crossed her arms over her chest, "Well, then, since we agree that's what is said on that paper, we both know that means you're to be with the Chapmans right now. Why are you not with the Chapmans? Every single time, without fail, that I pay them a visit to check in with you—you're not there. Hmm, why is that Miss Morello? Do you think you're in control here? Because I can assure you you're not. You are a child of the state right now and the state has given custody of you to Mr. and Mrs. Chapman. You are to be at the Chapman's house every day whether you want to be or not. The only time you are permitted to not be at their house is for school when you should be at school. Is that understood? Because the next time I come for a visit and I find you are not at the Chapman's place, I will have you placed in a juvenile detention center so damn fast you won't even know what hit you."
Lorna wasn't given a chance to respond with Mikey violently standing up from his chair and slamming his hands harshly onto the table's surface. The nature of his actions immediately gained Mrs. Figueroa's attention alongside the rest of the cafeteria. "You can't put my sista in juvie just because she don't wanna stay with some family of idiots. That's the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. Who the hell even are ya and why ya talkin' to Lorna like that?"
The comment did not go over well with the tall brunette woman. Her eyes gradually shifted from Lorna over to the unfamiliar boy beside her. A glare was heatedly given to him along with a disapproving finger wag. "Now I see where Miss Morello here gets her troubled behavior from. Clearly it runs in the family."
"You better watch how you talk to me, young man. You'll make this a whole lot worse for your sister if you don't," her voice darkly warned. "She is legally to be at the Chapman's and if she refuses, she is legally bound for a stay in juvie."
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred Two
Mr. and Mrs. Chapman stood bickering over the pristine marble island in their kitchen while Lorna watched uncomfortably from the archway. To have been taken away from a nice afternoon drinking coffee in the hospital cafeteria with her siblings to this, she couldn't display enough how infuriated she felt. What a waste of a day, she shook her head and rolled her eyes. Clearly she wasn't wanted here any longer and yet, she couldn't do anything about that unless she desired to be sent to a juvenile center. Hell, she thought, maybe going there wouldn't be that bad. At least she wouldn't be living with people who only took her in to up their reputation in whatever group they were in.
Impatiently waiting for the two stop arguing long enough to acknowledge her existence, Lorna walked fully into the room and settled onto one of the chairs facing the counter of the island. Neither paid her any mind which she was grateful for. She wasn't any fonder of being there than they were of having her there. Maybe choosing to donate her liver to her father wouldn't be such a terrible idea after all. At least then she would get away from the Chapman's and hopefully their custody of her would also be rescinded.
The sound of Lorna's fingers tapping against the countertop surface eventually tore the husband and wife from their argument and over onto her. A disdain expression was instantly fixed on Mrs. Chapman's face upon seeing who she deemed as the delinquent teenager sitting a few feet away. She huffed an exaggerated sigh, slowly folding her arms in over her chest. "You finally decided to show your face in this house, have you?"
It wasn't difficult for Lorna to pick up on the obvious distaste inflecting through Carol's voice. She shrugged her shoulders nonchalantly and momentarily shifted her eyes up on the ceiling before returning them onto the blonde woman standing across from her. Carol's eyes narrowed darkly on her brown ones which instinctively had her scooting her chair slightly back from the counter to put more distance between them. She swallowed uneasily and felt any confidence she once had rapidly dissolve from her body while she slumped into the seat.
"I mean why are ya so bothered by me not being here? You don't even like me, ya said so yourself," Lorna muttered with another shrug of her shoulders. Her eyes averted onto the marble pattern of the island's surface. She lifted a hand to it and traced a thumb from one side to the other.
Carol scoffed at the tone in the teenager's voice. Some nerve she had to be speaking to her with that kind of an attitude. That was all Lorna Morello had was some damn nerve. Her head shook in contempt; eyes gazing at the young girl in a disapproving manner. All Lorna had done since they'd taken her in was cause one problem after the other. She had just about enough out of her. No, her mind corrected, she had beyond enough of Lorna and her attitude. It was time to get her out of their damn house.
A cup of tea she busied herself with preparing, a mundane task she usually left for one of their butler's to do. She was too distraught to call one of the butler's in to fix it for her anyway. The revelation the CPS worker had shared with she and her husband a half hour earlier played through her mind as she steeped the teabag in her mug of boiling hot water. It wasn't a decision she needed to contemplate one bit—if they signed off on allowing Lorna to donate a portion of her liver to her father then she'd be out of their hair soon enough. She didn't need to think that over at all; she was more than ready to go to whoever's office she needed and sign the paperwork right then and there.
It took not more than three minutes for her tea to finish steeping. With her hand nursing the mug, Carol walked back over to where she'd previously stood and her gaze fixed itself right back onto Lorna. She sipped the tea slowly as she watched Lorna's every move from right above the rim of the mug. "I don't like you, you're right on that. And it's clear as day you don't like me either or being here. So, Bill and I are going to fix that for you," she started off between sips of her tea.
The cup was set down on the counter before she picked up where she left off. "Tomorrow morning we're going to the medical center and signing the consent forms so you can give your poor father the transplant he deserves. It'll take care of two things at once. We get our family back and you get yours."
Mr. Chapman stood shaking his head the entire time she spoke. Hands framed around his face as he looked at his wife in disbelief. Clearly nothing he said was taken into any amount of consideration. He was growing rather fatigued of Carol and her antics, the energy surrounding her. The way she belittled a teenager who was obviously going through a rough time. He shook his head once more the only thing he found himself able to do since the disbelief coursing through him left him momentarily tongue-tied.
Brown eyes widened vastly as what Carol said was absorbed in Lorna's ears then into her mind. Since when was that a decision for anyone to make but herself? Even her two older siblings hadn't been allowed to decide anything on her behalf. Yet, now, all of a sudden the Chapmans had a damn interest in her well-being? Lorna couldn't believe her ears. None of it made sense. It was her body, her fucking liver—why the fuck was a person unrelated to her, who obviously had a vendetta against her, the one choosing what she did with her damn organ?
"Excuse me? It's my choice whether or not I donate anything to my dad, why are ya tellin' me you're signing consent forms for it? I-I haven't even made up my mind yet," the more she spoke the more distressed she became. Her words fumbled together from the intense emotions spilling out of her voice. She could barely keep her composure. Anger, betrayal, disbelief—all dominated her, overpowered her to an extent that made even thinking the hardest task imaginable. Her mind couldn't wrap around how the Chapmans' knew of the situation to begin with; that certainly hadn't been a topic she disclosed and it had to have been some form of privacy violation for the CPS lady to share it with them if that was what happened.
Yet another scoff had been produced by Carol's windpipe. She shook her head and reached for her tea once again. Bringing it up to her mouth, she drew in a long sip while lifting her shoulders right up towards her cheeks. "That's where you're wrong, Lorna. You're under eighteen and therefore you have no say in the matter. A shame truly but I think it'll do you good to go through with the donation. Maybe then you'll learn to be more appreciative of things. I don't understand how your father put up with you, God, you're so draining on my mental physique."
The distress continued to escalate. Lorna couldn't stay in that room, that house—she didn't care if she got in trouble for running away from that place, she'd risk that over having to sit there and keep listening to Mrs. Chapman's continuous speech about how a decision that should be her own was not one. Breathing hadn't even been an action she could easily do. It was overwhelmingly stuffy in there, the air, the atmosphere…the fucking aura.
Her body acted on autopilot; she didn't hesitate a second longer as she swiftly jolted up from the chair and began frisking her way back through the archway in leu of the front door. She ran out of it faster than she'd ever run before—faster than she thought was possible for herself to do. By the time the running caught up to her and she had to stop to catch her breath, she was halfway down the street. Or more likely a half a mile down the street. From where she currently stood, her hands making binoculars around her eyes, she could just barely make out the Chapmans' house. The distance between she and the house was so much that she had to squint to get a clearer picture of it.
A sigh came out of her and once she felt her heart slow back to normal, she turned around continuing to run further from their estate. There was no stopping until she knew for certain she was a good portion away from them that she wouldn't have to worry about them coming after her. She was too upset, too pissed off to deal with either of them right now.
The farther she walked the closer to a nature trail she was. Once she came to what appeared to be the entrance of it, she turned into it and traveled along the path until a beautifully crafted wooden bench caught her eye. Innately she found herself walking towards the bench, plopping down on it once she was able to. Lorna sat there for a good while watching as a few birds flew around the surrounding area. One landed on a tree branch directly in front of her while another landed on the ground next to it. A small smile formed from the corners of her lips as she watched the two little creatures.
Birds sure had a simple and happy life she thought to herself. What she would give to be a bird right now. To have the ability to fly—she could only dream of such a life. The sound of a beak hitting over and over into the bark of the tree was what brought Lorna out of her thoughts. Air sadly escaped her lungs knowing she was stuck in the reality of having to cough up her liver, or at least part of it.
Her hand crawled into the pocket of her jacket and felt her phone coldly press into her palm the second she had. She took it out immediately, flipping the screen open so she could scroll through her contacts for Nicky. Maybe Nicky could help her think of a way out of this situation. Or, even if she couldn't, at least Nicky would find a way to calm her fraying nerves as she always so easily seemed to do.
The call was started by her thumb clicking on the call button right beside Nicky's name. Several rings sounded through Lorna's ear before she heard the line finally pick up. Already a calming breath exhaled out of her. "Hey, Nicky," she murmured, eyes still staring out at the two birds frolicking about the tree and grass across from the bench she'd sat on. "I, um, I could use a little help. I kinda got myself into a bit of a pickle."
Having been sitting with a coffee at a table in the coffee shop with Alex, Nicky instantaneously grew concerned and sat up straighter in her chair with the phone pressed securely to her ear. "What kind of a pickle are we talkin' about, kid? You okay? Do I need to come get ya?" Questions whirled right out of her mouth after swirling around her mind the second she saw the caller ID pop up on her phone.
"Well, it's a real long story," Lorna said, swallowing thickly. Her hands rested on either side of the bench. The grittiness of it hit both palms instantly upon contact. "I was with Fran and Mikey and then that mean ole' CPS lady found us and well now I'm back with the Chapmans…well, not exactly right at this minute, I'm sitting in the woods—erm, I think this would be considered the woods—and I'm probably gonna be sent to juvie because a this."
The words were hard for Nicky to understand from how fast Lorna was speaking. She held the phone tighter to her ear but that didn't help much. Her heart began to crack from how worked-up her girlfriend seemed to be getting. "Babe," she softly murmured, stroking her thumb along the edge of the phone's surface. However, she could still hear Lorna obliviously trying to explain where she was—what she was doing. A sigh sounded through her windpipe. "Babe," Nicky repeated louder, a bit firmer.
Finally Lorna stopped talking long enough to take in a few breaths, eyes still staring straight ahead at the same tree branch. "Erm, what was that Nicky?"
"I don't know, doll, I couldn't understand what all you were saying. You're talking so fast and I can hear ya sniffling, what's the matter? Tell me but please talk slower, yeah?"
A sigh sounded through the phone's receiver. Clear as day Nicky heard it. That only strengthened the cracking in her chest. The fast—and heaviness—of Lorna's breathing into the phone made Nicky wonder what could possibly be going on with her. "Are you okay Lorna? You're breathing so hard sounds like ya just ran a marathon or somethin', kid. What's going on, huh? You're worrying me," her voice inflected sharply with a heaping amount of concern.
The branch Lorna had her eyes on suddenly broke off from the tree—once the bird had flown away—and fell onto the ground, crinkling against the leaves beneath it. She sighed and moved her stare down onto her lap where her free hand rested atop of. Fingers busied themselves with the zipper of her jacket that had lain right above the start of her thighs. "I did kinda just run downa street, hon. I found a little trail in the woods like, erm, I'm not sure how far from the Chapmans' house it is but I just…I couldn't stand to be in that house any longer."
An audible gasp was heard tumbling from Nicky's airway. Without a moment more of hesitation she jumped up from her chair—motioned a hand at Alex across from her to do the same—and started making her way briskly towards the entrance of the coffee shop, phone held to her ear by one of her puffed up shoulders. "A trail in the woods?" The statement she repeated in the form of a question. "What're ya doin' in the woods, babe? What the hell happened at the Chapmans that ya felt the need to hide out in the woods, huh?"
"It's a real long story, Nicky. It really is—"
"You can tell me while I'm driving there to get you," Nicky firmly interrupted as she walked across the street from the shop she had just exited out of. Alex was quickly behind her and gestured toward her car that was parked a few feet away near a parking meter. Nicky nodded to her, walking in said direction and climbing inside the passenger's side of the vehicle.
After buckling herself into the seat, Nicky turned her head towards the window and looked outside of it. "You said somethin' about the CPS lady? What happened with that?"
Lorna exhaled heavily, crossing one leg over the other while switching which ear she held the phone over. This conversation was much better suited in person than over the phone Lorna thought to herself. Yet, of course, Nicky was too impatient to wait until she arrived there to have it—a fact Lorna also knew to be quite true. She lifted her free hand and placed it on a cheek, rubbing it roughly against it. Another deep breath escaped from her lungs. There was no use trying to argue with Nicky—it was too exhausting to argue anyway.
"I think she was stalkin' me or somethin', Nicky. I was with Franny and Mikey havin' coffee in the hospital cafeteria earlier," she started retelling, peering out onto the tree next to the one she had previously had her eyes on upon hearing the branches swaying from the wind. "And then she just kinda showed up outta nowhere. I don't know," her voice slightly trailed off the second her ears picked up on the sound of one of those same swaying branches violently hitting the ground beneath it.
The noise was loud enough Nicky heard the thump through the receiver of her phone. Instantly her concern intensified and she gestured a hand towards Alex, mentally telling her to pick up the speed. Alex complied, flooring the gas, and Nicky sat up straighter in her seat. "What was that sound? Are you okay, doll? Are ya safe? How far from the Chapman's house are ya?" Eyebrows knit ponderously above her eyes which remained looking out the window.
Wind picked up slightly, the branches left on the tree swaying faster and harder. Lorna bit down on her tongue and pushed herself up from the bench. She walked further along the trail until she was at a safe distance from the tree, sitting down on the ground once she came across a secluded spot out of the way. Her hand raised up to her head slicking back her messy brown waves that had been tussled by the wind. Air whistled through her windpipe. "Just a tree branch fell, it's a little windy. I'm fine, though. I moved away from it. I don't know how far exactly I am, I didn't pay attention—I was too mad to," she mumbled, brushing her fingers along the grass surrounding her.
Shaking her head, Nicky turned her head so that it was facing straight on from the windshield. The car came to a small stop at a stop sign before making a right onto the next street. "You better be far away from that tree and any other tree, doll, I don't want ya turnin' into a tree sandwich or anything."
A snicker sounded through Lorna's throat upon hearing the comment made by her girlfriend. The rather unexpected comment she didn't think would be made. "I moved from it but I don't think any a these trees are gonna fall down, hon. The wind ain't that bad—"
"Yeah, well, I ain't taking any chances when it comes to you," Nicky rapidly interjected before Lorna had the chance to even finish the sentence she had started. "I don't want anything to happen to you, doll. So ya better make sure you're not close to any of those trees. Got it, kid?"
"Fine, fine—I'm not near any a those trees, hon."
Nicky nodded her relief even though she knew Lorna had likely been right—that the chances the wind would have the power to knock any of the trees fully over were slim to none. Regardless, she'd never stop worrying when it came to Lorna no matter how ridiculous the reason may have possibly been. Losing Lorna was never an option she deemed. Her lips twitched into a smile then a frown and then back to a dimming smile. Fingers tapped rhythmically along the rim of the car window she'd been leaning against. "We'll be there in a few, kid. Try not to become a tree sandwich or anything, yeah?"
By the time anyone had showed up at the entrance of the trail, Lorna had long wandered farther into it. Too impatient to sit where she was and wait for her girlfriend. Plus she could do with the exercise after all the food she had been forced to consume in the past few days. The wind still blew every once in a while but certainly hadn't been as fierce as it had when it knocked down the branch earlier during her phone call with Nicky. She sighed as a chill ran down along her spine. With the sun starting its descent into the horizon, the warmth morphed into a rather chillier temperature.
Birds had long flown away for the evening. All that was left to be heard while she followed the dirt path was the crinkling of leaves under her shoes or the whistling of wind when it decided to whirl through. It remained light out, enough for Lorna to clearly see where she was headed, but without the sun's fully in the sky she had to squint more than usual to make out smaller things on her journey. A shadow caught her eye, seemingly right behind her, and out of fear from not knowing who it was she immediately began running farther down the path.
Nicky ran after her, breath untamable as she realized how damn out of shape she was. Jesus, she thought to herself, Lorna ran faster than a cat pounced for a mouse. She could hardly keep up with her. It took several minutes before she finally did. Lorna was standing a few feet away, her hand holding onto the bark of a tree as she stood catching her breath. Nicky cautiously walked nearer to her hoping not to scare her this time. She made sure she was within Lorna's line of view when approaching her and once she made it to the spot right beside her, she placed a hand softly on Lorna's shoulder.
"Where did ya learn to run so fast, kid?" The first thing that came out of her mouth, a light-hearted chuckle was quick to follow. She tried to give a comforting stroke to the shoulder she had a grasp on but felt Lorna slightly flinch away from her touch. The playful demeanor instantly dissolved and in its place a concerned mien morphed to her face.
It was a shocking movement to Lorna as well but her body had a mind of its own. She found herself backing a few inches away from where Nicky stood. Her arms naturally lifting up and crossing around her chest. Fear had set in the second she saw the unfamiliar shadow and, now, all of her movements were driven by that same fear. She felt as though she was running on autopilot—kind of like her sister's car did from being as old as it was. "I thought you were a murderer, Nicky," her voice low and somewhat shaky. She kept herself out of reach from the redhead, still not keen on being touched by anyone. "I saw a shadow and heard loud footsteps—I fucking thought my life was over. You—ya shoulda said something. I don't, erm, I don't like being snuck up on, Nicky."
Nicky craved to take Lorna in her arms right then and there but did her best to refrain seeing how upset Lorna was. It was a challenge to not wrap her in a tight embrace but she couldn't risk causing any more distress to her girlfriend. Rather, she tilted her head and let out a sigh. Her jaw slightly sucked inward from the uneasy swallowing of saliva. "Lorna, baby, I'm so sorry I scared ya," her voice lovingly started out, lips twitching into a frown as she felt shameful of her actions. She should have known not to do that, should have known Lorna was still struggling so much from what was done to her that she wouldn't take lightly to being followed the way Nicky had followed her.
But she didn't think about any of that when she chased Lorna down the dirt trail. None of that crossed her mind until she felt Lorna flinch against her touch. If she'd have thought of that all sooner the two might not be in this predicament now. She wanted to facepalm herself but didn't. Instead she kept her stare softly on Lorna, holding her arms out for her to walk into. "Come here, doll, let me make this up to ya with a hug yeah? I didn't mean to scare ya like that, Lorna. I wasn't tryna purposefully scare you. I would never do that to you. I'm so sorry," she softly murmured, arms remained open awaiting Lorna's petite frame in them.
A sigh tumbled up and out from Lorna's lungs. Despite the lingering trepidation, Lorna abided and made her way back to Nicky happily allowing her body to mold against the taller girl's. She let her head naturally fall back onto Nicky's shoulder, wrapping her own arms securely around her neck. "It's okay, hon, I know ya didn't mean to. I just…I guess I just—maybe from everything that happened today it made me think the worst thing. But I mean, um, I'm good at thinking the worst no matter what anyway. I feel like a pessimist anymore. Which is real funny because I used to always be real positive and optimistic about everything—I kinda miss that."
Having Lorna finally in her arms, Nicky gave her a warm and affectionate squeeze before pressing a tender kiss to the top of her head. Arms secured themselves protectively around her waist pulling her closer and closer. "Hey, hey," she soothingly hushed, drawing a comforting heart around her back where her arms were resting. "You don't have to explain yourself to me, doll. Okay? I understand why ya'd think the worst—you've been through so much trauma that certain things like being snuck up on make ya react in a specific way. That's just your way of protecting yourself is all." Nicky carefully, and lovingly, reassured the younger teen; fingertips delicately brushed up and down the length of her spine.
Eyebrows knit interestedly over her big brown eyes. She leaned her face closer to Lorna's and pressed a small kiss to the tip of her nose. "What all did happen today, doll? Ya still haven't told me the whole story, yeah?" One arm was released from around Lorna's waist and instead she lifted it up so she could frame her hand compassionately around her cheek. A loose strand of brown hair fell on her forehead which Nicky lovingly stroked away with her thumb.
"Can we, uh, can we maybe find somewhere less chilly and wet to talk about it please? I've been sitting on the grass for a long time and now my pants are soaked from the mud and stuff. It's a little uncomfortable," a sheepish beam melded to her face and then dissipated away seconds later.
Nodding her head, Nicky softly chuckled and turned around so that they were facing the correct way that would lead them back out of the trail. "Course', kid. Vause is with me, she's waitin' in the car so we'll head to her place and I'm sure she'll let you clean off in her shower or somethin'. Probably fix some tea too because ya know she's an old lady now since she's twenty and not a cool, hip, teenager like the two of us are," a smirk transformed onto her face as she made the comment. The comment that earned her a heavenly giggle from Lorna.
"Wait, what the hell would the or somethin' be, hon? Have me hose off in the backyard like a dog?" A matching smirk formed on her face as well as she questioned the older teen. The two shared another round of playful chuckles before they finally came to the entrance of the trail again.
Nicky's arm tightened around her, pulling her closer the second she felt Lorna's body shiver from the windchill. Her lips remained in a smirk though as she shook her head at the question. "I wouldn't let that happen, babe, you're too cold to be hosin' off outside. Nah, ya need a hot shower and maybe a little cuddle too, hmm?"
"Ya wanna join me in the shower in Alex's house? Hmm, I don't know hon—seems a bit raunchy if ya ask me," Lorna said, wagging her eyebrows slightly. "But I do like the sound of it."
Pressing her lips onto Lorna's, Nicky nodded her head agreeably. "I like the sound of a shower with you, too, doll. Vause would think it's hot of you and me to shower together, believe me. She may be a tea-making old lady in her twenties but she's still a lesbian and would be happy for us to comfort each other in the shower."
"Here's two towels," Alex informed the teens after setting them on the counter of the bathroom sink. She looked the two over with a chuckle escaping her. "Have fun, ladies, but not too much. I don't want any damage to the tile, my mom put a lotta work into it. Oh, and Lorna, I brought you a pair of pajamas to change into since your clothes are a mess."
"Thanks," the brunette murmured and watched as Alex exited the room. Out of paranoia, she went over to the bathroom door and secured the lock so that the two were not interrupted for the duration of their shower. Not that she thought they would be but rather to appease her natural-born anxiety.
Both quickly undressed themselves and entered the tub. Nicky reached for the knob, turning it so the water poured out. The button was pushed down by her thumb and the water came through the showerhead now rather than the faucet. Her focus was immediately switched back onto Lorna, who she saw shivering against the tiled wall a couple of inches away from her. Within a matter of seconds Nicky's arms were engulfing warmly around Lorna's body, pulling her into the front of her own.
Lips found their way onto the flesh of Lorna's forehead. "Stay right here with me, doll. I'll keep ya warm," her voice hummed, mouth now resting over her ear, "and safe," she added shortly after.
A smile widened onto Lorna's face as she did exactly that. Maneuvered herself closer against Nicky's naked body, relishing in the warmth of it. The softness, the tenderness. Eyes closed and she threw her own arms around Nicky's shoulders. "Ya don't gotta tell me twice, hon. Could stand in your arms for eternity."
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred Three
Nicky's lips curved into a mirroring smile; she pulled Lorna closer and planted a hot kiss over her perky lips. "Mm, is that right?" Her voice nearly purred against Lorna's lips once the kiss had gently been released. Another heated smashing of their mouths followed directly after the comment spilled from her mouth and before either of them knew it, Nicky had Lorna lovingly pinned up against the tiled-wall behind her. Hands moved from her shoulders up to her face framing around each pale cheek.
Their eyes locked together the same time their lips did. It was a fervent, passionate, touching of their mouths. Soft and warm while also filled with a burning desire to never release from one another. One of Nicky's hands moved to behind Lorna's head cradling protectively around the crown of it. Fingers softly raked through strands of her thick brown waves. The touch only closened the distance between them and made it rather easy for their lips to remain pressed together.
The kiss continued to deepen until both girls' were desperately in need of air. They pulled reluctantly apart and instead pressed their bare fronts together as a means for closeness. Lorna let her head slightly fall onto Nicky's shoulder, turning it just enough to be able to peck a warm kiss upon the flesh of her cheek. She smiled when she noticed goosebumps forming on her skin. Another kiss she pressed to her cheek before throwing both of her arms around Nicky's waist, pulling her closer to her own body.
"You're cold?" Lorna hummed out, eyes shifting up onto Nicky's. She waited for a nonverbal response to be given in the form of Nicky's head gradually bobbing up and down. After, she secured her arms on her waist and brought Nicky's head down to her chest. "Well, I'll keep ya warm honey. It's my turn to hold you. Under this lovely hot shower water…this has to be what heaven is like. I don't want to ever leave from in here. This is the most amazing thing. Holding the most angelic person I've ever met in the best shower I've ever taken."
With her arms keeping Nicky pressed into her, Lorna glanced around the area and was amazed by such astonishing craftmanship. She couldn't imagine the hours, the work that went into creating this bathroom—let alone the entire house. It had to have been one of the most physically exhausting jobs out there. But by how it turned out, it was certainly worth all the effort put in. "Alex and her mom musta never slept to make such a beautiful home like this…and this bathroom, it's better than them fancy hotels. Alex should be an interior designer don't ya think, hon?"
A warm chuckle sounded through Nicky's windpipe precisely the same moment she nodded her agreement. She pressed a soft kiss onto the chin hovering at the level of her eyes. "I think that'd be a good-suited job for her. Hell, maybe if she does that and when you and I are adults we could have her build our house yeah?"
Eyes sparkled widely in their lids. Lorna pulled back slightly to give a serious, heartfelt, stare into Nicky's eyes. "Build us a house, hmm? Does that mean ya think we'll be together even…even after high school?" Her voice gradually drifted off at the end. She traced a finger delicately along the cheek her hand was framed around while trying to conceal the swirling emotions. Swirling emotions that made her heart burst so heavily in her chest she wouldn't have been shocked at all if it happened to fall out right then and there.
Laughing warmly, Nicky nodded her head in an enthusiastic manner as she leaned closer to place a second tender kiss on Lorna's chin. Lorna's chin her eyes found to be the absolute most precious thing just as she did the rest of Lorna and Lorna's body. "Yeah, of course we will be. Why wouldn't we, babe? I love you and you love me—it's obvious we both wanna be with each other so I don't see any reason we won't still be together even after high school. Hell, I wanna be an old lady with ya someday. Ya know? Two old ladies sitting on our porch yellin' for the neighborhood kids to stop throwing their empty soda cans on our lawn," she murmured, lips instantly curving up in a smile as she pulled slightly away so that the two of them could press their foreheads together.
Tears suddenly spilled out from the brim of Lorna's eyelids; she strengthened her arms around the frame of Nicky's body and slid down onto the base of the tub which inadvertently caused Nicky to go down with her. The two sat, arms around one another, while the water from the showerhead poured down on them akin to a waterfall. Lorna could hardly see clearly due to the multitude of tears running along her cheeks. Elated tears to know Nicky saw a future with her. A future way beyond their teenage years—it seemed almost too good to be true. She still couldn't make sense of how someone she deemed perfect like Nicky could even ponder the idea of being with someone like herself. Someone who caused a tornado anywhere she fucking went. But yet here she sat, Nicky pressed up to her…water raining down on them as they sat just as bare as they came into this world…contemplating about their future relationship—two elderly women yelling for the children in their future neighborhood to get off their lawn. A heavenly future was what that was. Any future that had she and Nicky together sounded beyond perfect to Lorna. Yet, also, made her feel incredibly guilty because she would never accept that a person like her was ever deserving or worthy of that kind of happiness. How the hell could she be after the life she led? She was a soiled, damaged, crutch of a human that no one should have to spend their life with. There wasn't a good bone or blood vessel in her body.
The tears did not miss Nicky's eyes. She switched the positioning of their bodies so that Lorna was resting her head on her chest now. Hands combed soothingly through her brown hair, each stroke brought Lorna's head closer underneath where Nicky had her chin lying. Once she felt it right below, she secured Lorna's head with her chin and rocked the pair of them lovingly back and forth. "I didn't mean to upset you, doll. I just wanted you to know I wanna be with you for pretty much ever."
"I'm not upset, hon," Lorna finally spoke up, her voice a bit hoarse from the crying she had done. Having Nicky's chin sitting softly on the top of her head made it easy for her to press her face into the chest right under it. There wasn't a warmer, safer, place Lorna could dream to be than right where she was now. No pair of arms were more loving nor securer than those of her beloved Nicky. Nicky was one of the very few people Lorna trusted wholeheartedly, who she felt such a plethora of compassion and affection from as well as for. "I just—ya left me a bit speechless, a good speechless. I-I just I love ya so much, Nicky and-and it makes me real happy to know you, erm, you wanna be with me until we're old ladies too. I never thought anyone would wanna be with me, especially not someone like you…but, er, ya just keep surprising me and I don't know what to say other than how much I love and adore ya."
Sniffles quickly started up again interrupting Lorna's spiel rather vastly. She had to cover her mouth with her hand to mute the loudness of them. They threatened to come up and expel out as sobs but Lorna did her best to hold them in. The shower was supposed to be of an upbeat nature but now, all of a sudden, her emotions were all over the place and she couldn't tell if she was happy or distraught. So much shit had gone on today her mind was barely able to process it. She remained fucking barely able to process that shit, either. And now she heard Nicky pretty much admit to wanting to spend the rest of their lives together. Which only messed further with her emotions. Added another one to the mix making it even more of a challenge for Lorna to make sense of what exactly she was currently feeling.
There was tension felt in Lorna's spine Nicky swiftly took note of the more she rubbed her hand along its length. Her previously happy disposition quickly transformed into a disheartened one. She brought her palm towards one of the knots she had come across and softly pressed it into the flesh, massaging the same spot over and over until she felt the knot gradually melt away. "Baby, why do ya think no one would wanna be with you? You're the sweetest and kindest person to ever exist. And you're out of this world level of beautiful, both inside and out. Anyone would be lucky to call ya their girlfriend but I'll tell ya I'm beyond grateful that I get to be the one to do so. I love you so fucking much Lorna and I meant every damn word I said. I wanna be an old lady with ya. We can do what ma does and make a kettle a tea on the stove each night, do those boring crosswords she does together. I don't care what we do I just wanna spend my life with you," Nicky concluded, lips pressing onto the flesh of Lorna's forehead.
Lower lip inverted slightly under her top one Lorna couldn't resist the smile both of her lips curved into. "That, erm, that rhymed, hon," her cheeks reddened a tad bit upon releasing such statement from her mouth.
Nicky smirked warmly, arching her eyebrows playfully. "What did, kid?"
"Oh, god, hon," Lorna sheepishly giggled, pressing her face back into Nicky's chest to hide her intensifying red cheeks from her big brown eyes. "You did it again. I don't know why but I just—erm, I love when you rhyme and it's not on purpose. Makes ya sound like a poet and I guess I find that…erm—"
"You find that hot, yeah?" Nicky huskily queried and watched as Lorna's head timidly nodded. The smirk on her face grew though her arms pulled Lorna closer in the tenderest of ways. She bent down to plant a soft kiss over the top of her head. "Well, I find it hot that you find me rhyming like a poet hot. So I guess we're both a little hot right now, huh? Maybe we should turn this shower into a cold one instead?"
Lorna immediately shook her head in protest of Nicky's suggestion. Goosebumps had formed all along her arms and legs by this point, a cold shower certainly wasn't what she needed. Hot and hotter was more to her taste. "Are ya crazy, Nicky? I'm freezing, I like it hot—I rather burn than freeze," she obliviously admitted, not at all catching on to her girlfriend's hinting.
A warm laugh made its way from Nicky's throat as she stood up again, carefully pulling Lorna up with her. She delicately pressed her up against the tiled wall once more and looked widely into her eyes. Lips hovered millimeters from Lorna's. "Oh, baby, I'm not talkin' about a literal cold shower," her voice merely purred against the shorter girl's mouth. She locked their lips together and then slowly released them after a minute long kiss. "I was sayin' let's, you know, get a little promiscuous in here yeah? By the time we're done doin' each other dirty the water will be cold. I wouldn't actually make you stand in cold water, doll. Jesus. Your naivety makes you the cutest prude there ever was, ya know? It makes me love you so much more."
"Promiscuous? Oh, ya wanna do it in the shower huh? Well, as long as we don't damage the tile, we can get a little frisky in here," Lorna chuckled and threw a playful wink Nicky's way.
Nicky needn't wait any longer; she pushed Lorna right back up to the wall behind her and started moving her hand down towards her thighs. "Nothing will be damaged, kid. And that includes you," her voice much gentler than her actions. She stood frozen with her hand resting softly on the flesh of Lorna's upper legs. Eyes peered much more seriously down into Lorna's.
Eyebrows furrowed over squinted brown eyes. "What do ya mean, hon?"
Bringing her other hand up to cup around Lorna's face, Nicky leaned closer until her forehead was pressing gently onto Lorna's. Lips touched lovingly over the corner of the brunette's mouth. Their stares met and Nicky sighed. "We haven't really been intimate since ya talked about the incident with your uncle," her voice gently pointed out, fingers caressing soothingly up and down the length of Lorna's cheek. "I just want to make sure you know you'll be safe with me, yeah? I won't do anything to hurt you. I won't do anything you don't like or don't want done, okay babe?" Nicky pecked her mouth softly against the flesh near the corner of Lorna's.
Lorna swallowed a lump that had recently formed and forced a smile to display on her lips. Her heart suddenly felt heavy—whether from utter compassion for Nicky or from the memories of said incident she was unsure…hell, for all she knew, it could have been a mixture of the two. Regardless, she nuzzled closer to Nicky and pressed her lips delicately onto the tip of her nose. "I know ya would never do anything to make me uncomfortable, hon. You're one of the only people I trust. It means a lot to me how much ya care and everything. You're an angel," the words murmured softly from her mouth. Her mouth that hovered warmly above that of Nicky's.
A sigh escaped the older teen as she closely monitored Lorna and Lorna's behavior, movements. The smile on her face hadn't been hard for Nicky to see right through it. Clearly, Lorna was unsure of her emotions right then. Unsure of how to take in what Nicky had disclosed to her moments earlier. The smile was a façade and Nicky knew it. Lorna was a pro at putting up a façade when it came to her feelings, her pain—traumas.
The palm of Nicky's hand pressed softly into the flesh of the cheek it resided over, drawing slow comforting circles all around it. "No, Lorna, you are the angel," she warmly corrected, placing a kiss on the same spot she just caressed her hand around. "You're an angel and it just—it makes me so mad that anyone would ever think they have the right to hurt you the way you've been hurt. How could anyone, ya know? You're a sweetheart, sweetheart."
While a slow breath expelled from her lungs, Lorna brought both of her shoulders up to either side of her face in a subdued shrug. She couldn't agree with anything Nicky had stated—none of it was true, honest of herself. She was no angel—angels didn't have shit like what she had happen to herself happen to them in the first place. Angels were completely and utterly pure souls. Souls who led lives full of nothing but peace and tranquility. Two things that were sorely lacking from Lorna's. But in light of not wanting to turn this shower into an argument-filled one, she kept all of those bubbling thoughts exactly where they originated from—her mind.
Instead, she forced another smile to sit on her face and smashed her lips right back over Nicky's. She let the kiss linger for another minute or two before reluctantly releasing it. One hand remained gently cupped around one of Nicky's cheeks as her eyes melded into the ones slightly above. "We don't have to worry about that anymore right now, hon. Nobody is hurtin' no one today. Let's just enjoy being naked and hot together in this shower, yeah?"
"Well, damn, all right," Nicky chuckled. She felt Lorna push her up against the wall behind her and sensed both of her cheeks heating up from how red they each were turning. Lips curved into a husky smirk. She locked her hands around Lorna's head, fiercely brushing their lips right back together. "Bold Lorna is hot; I love it," her voice breathily murmured onto Lorna's mouth. "Have your way with me, kid, please. I beg ya too."
Lorna nodded and traced a finger from her cheek down to the edge of her jawline. Mouth touched delicately against the skin of Nicky's jaw, "Are ya beggin' me, huh?" Her eyes watched until Nicky's head gave a fervent nod in response to the question she had asked. Lips twitched into a lustful smirk and Lorna bobbed her head as well. She traced her thumb back towards the flesh under Nicky's eyes, following the trail with her mouth. She pressed her mouth lovingly, but heatedly, onto that same spot she had just caressed. "Well, then, I have no choice but to fulfill your request, isn't that right?"
Words were not something Nicky could coherently get herself to speak. Too stunned, too shocked at how incredibly audacious Lorna was currently being. A side of her she hadn't fully witnessed before. At least not in this intense manner. This was completely new to Nicky, a good new—no, she corrected, an amazing new. It made every part of her body overcome with a fierce pleasure to see Lorna behaving in such an erotic way. Made a sticky sensation suddenly noticeable down between her thighs. Her cheeks instantly reddened once she realized it and a sheepish smirk displayed upon her face.
The sensation of Lorna's hand moving slowly, tenderly, down along her body left goosebumps on every inch of Nicky's flesh. When she felt it nearing her upper thighs and vaginal region she had to dig her feet into the vinyl tub beneath to keep herself steady. Each second Lorna's hand and fingers came closer to her vagina, Nicky's eyes merely rolled back in their sockets to keep from screaming out in pleasure. This wasn't even an orgasm yet and the pleasure was nearly over the top. God, she couldn't imagine how damn good that orgasm would feel. Poor Alex was going to think there was a murder happening in her bathroom from how loud Nicky knew she'd scream out.
A smile spread softly across Lorna's face as she observed the ever changing expression on the redhead's. Fingers stroked delicately along the flesh of her upper thighs, changing the pace each time she witnessed a movement or heard a small whimper of euphoria come sounding through Nicky's throat. She slowly brought them nearer the opening of Nicky's vagina but stopped short of inserting them. It wasn't until she heard the trembling please from her girlfriend's lips that Lorna finally settled on gradually inserting three of her fingers into her vagina.
She stroked along the area right in from the opening, slow but in the tenderest of touches. There was already a wet, sticky, substance falling amongst the top of her fingers which only caused the smile she had previously formed to widen immensely. She continued caressing and stroking and could feel the vibration of Nicky's clitoris from how intense her movements were. More and more of the sticky substance came in contact with each one of her fingers as they moved around the inside of Nicky's vagina.
The longer and more Lorna stroked her the closer to climax Nicky felt herself becoming. Her hands grabbed onto fistfuls of Lorna's hair, she tried not to pull on them but holding onto the hair was the only thing she could do to help her body remain stable. Her legs were so wobbly from the pressure Lorna's fingers were having on her clit and vagina she was afraid if she hadn't held onto something she would fall to the ground right then and there. There was no sensation greater than having Lorna inside of her. It was even better than fucking heaven, she thought, better than a cup of coffee and a million fucking times better than a hit of heroin. Maybe Lorna was her new heroin.
But when she realized the thought that just whirled through her mind, every inch of her body instantly tensed up and everything Lorna was doing to her felt number than her brain fog after smoking a couple hits of weed. Fuck, Nicky thought to herself, she just fucking ruined the moment for the both of them all on her own. With her stupid, dumb, fucking mental thinking. And she was literally a caress away from a damn good orgasm. Now, she couldn't bring herself to enjoy it. Not after she fucking put her sweet, innocent, Lorna on the same pedestal as fucking heroin.
The change of energy was instantly noticed by Lorna. Her movement ceased though her fingers remained inside of Nicky. She moved her head up and glanced concerningly into Nicky's big brown eyes. It wasn't easy for her to read what could possibly have been going through her mind but she did take note of how larger her pupils had suddenly gotten. "Nicky, hon, are ya…are ya okay? Did I hurt you?" Her voice tremored faintly with each word that came from it.
"No, doll, you didn't do anything," Nicky rapidly assured, reaching her hands down towards Lorna's face and taking a cheek in each one. Thumbs soothingly caressed around the flesh of both. "You didn't do anything wrong, baby. I promise. Okay? I just…I, erm, I need an actual cold shower now."
Biting down on the side of her mouth to keep from allowing her lips to tremble, Lorna nodded and fully removed her fingers from Nicky's vagina. She rinsed them off in the warm water and turned to look at Nicky. "Do ya want me to leave, h-hon?"
The way Lorna seemed to be trying too hard to keep her teeth and mouth from chattering nearly broke Nicky's heart. That was all her own doing she knew. She ruined their fucking shower, their intimate moment tonight. A defeated sigh escaped her. She wrapped her arms warmly around Lorna's shivering body and tucked Lorna's head under her chin for a long minute. Lips rested tenderly over the top of one of Lorna's hands that she had lifted up just a second later. "Yes, after I give you this cuddle though," she gently told her, placing another warm kiss to each of her pale knuckles. "But it's not because you did anything, okay? I just need a minute to think, baby, and it has nothing to do with what just happened. So, please, don't sit and overanalyze this. I'm not mad or upset with you, Lorna. I love you."
After pressing several more kisses onto the younger girl's hand and hugging her closer, Nicky reluctantly let her go from her arms and watched with a heavy heart as Lorna timidly removed herself from the tub. Nicky sighed, shameful of what she allowed to occur. Shameful that she let her thoughts come swooping in and ruin their upbeat evening. This wasn't how their shower was supposed to end but now there wasn't anything she could do to change it.
Lorna came out of the bathroom freshly dressed in the pajamas Alex had kindly lent to her, her head bowed down as she walked through the hall back out towards the living room. The soaked, muddy, clothes from earlier bunched up in her hands. Once she entered fully into the room she lifted her head just enough to be able to look Alex straight in the eyes. "Can I, uh, can I have a bag to put these in, please?"
Looking the brunette over, after having set down her book on the coffee table, Alex nodded slowly but gave a concerning stare in her direction. She swiftly got up from the sofa and walked over to Lorna, who remained halfway in the archway between the living room and the hallway. Her hand she used to gesture for Lorna to follow her into the kitchen where she kept the extra plastic bags at. When she heard footsteps behind her, Alex turned towards the kitchen walking all the way into it and over near the backdoor. On the right of it was a tote, hung up on a nail, which held all of her extra bags that she kept from her grocery shopping. Alex reached inside of it and pulled out one of the bags, then turned around and gave it to Lorna.
A sigh huffed out of her as she got a closer look at Lorna now. She folded her arms over her chest and leaned against the rim of the counter that she had gradually moved herself in front of. "Is everything okay, Lorna?" Her concern finally brought to light now that she had a clearer sight of the younger girl. It wasn't too challenging for her to pick up on the very, faintly, off aura surrounding her. Her curiosity was too strong for her to not say anything on the matter.
Lorna quickly placed the balled up clothing into the bag and pulled the plastic strap of it over her shoulder. She swallowed thickly, nodding her head even though she wasn't technically certain if everything had truly been okay. The whole ordeal with Nicky—despite Nicky's assurance she did nothing wrong—had her wondering if she did, in fact, do something to repel her. Had she touched her wrong? Stroked her in a way Nicky hadn't enjoyed? Many questions spun through her mind and she wasn't sure what to make of it.
"Yeah," albeit all the thoughts and questions Lorna settled on her usual response of going against her instincts and putting up a façade. Even forced a smile to her face as she so often had. "Yeah, course', everything's fine. Everything is perfect, just perfect." The pitch of her voice heightened with each word she spoke. It made her even have a hard time believing what she was saying. She sensed a moistening at the bottom of her eyelids and forcefully sucked them back in which in turn caused a loud snuffle to sound through her nostril.
Curving her eyebrows uneasily, Alex only intensified her stare on the girl. The comment certainly hadn't convinced her to believe Lorna. Her stance, demeanor—they both contradicted the response verbally given to her. "Hmm, well, where's Nicky?" She interrogated, looking around to emphasize her wonderment.
"She, um, she's still in the shower." Lorna immediately tilted her head down and focused her eyes on the checkered tile beneath where her feet stood.
"I see," Alex stated with a nod. She continued to watch Lorna and sighed again when the girl just tried to cover up a sniffle that was clearly trying to shake itself from her. "You sure everything's okay?"
Her mind screamed no but Lorna nodded her head regardless. It was lifted back up so her eyes could return the stare Alex was giving her and yet again she pursed her lips into a smile despite wanting to do the complete opposite of that. What she truly wanted to do in that moment was to finally give in to her unrelenting emotions, however, she couldn't bring herself to do that. The façade wouldn't allow it. "Yes, everything is okay. I'm fine, Nicky's fine. My life is fine. It's all fine. So fine, perfectly fine. I couldn't have a finer life if I tried," the words strained from her voice; it was the only way she could talk without letting any emotions from slipping out, too.
Shaking her head in disbelief, Alex walked over to the stove where her teakettle was and grabbed it off the burner. She made her way to the sink, took the lid off of the kettle, and put it under the faucet until the water came up to the four cup mark. Satisfied, Alex took it back to the stove and replaced it on the same burner she originally took it from. She turned the knob for that particular burner, then returned her attention onto Lorna.
Eyes peered intently over the short brunette. Blatant to her eyes the young girl was rather the contradictory of okay as she so profusely kept repeating. Alex drew in a breath and placed a hand on one of her temples. Never once did her stare falter from Lorna. "What's wrong, Lorna? You're not fooling me by continuously saying you're fine. Did something happen between you and Nicky? Did the two a ya get in an argument or somethin'?"
Lorna swallowed thickly and shook her head. Feet shifted uncomfortably against the floor. "No, nothin' happened," she said, waving a hand in the air. "That's what Nicky said but-but I think I…I feel like I did something wrong and I-I don't understand."
"Okay, why don't ya tell me what happened? Maybe I can help you figure it out, yeah?" Alex softened her voice, cautiously walking closer to Lorna and resting a comforting hand on her shoulder.
A visible gulp Lorna swallowed down. Her shoulders slightly recoiled upward. "I was, um, I was about to give her an orgasm and she just got all quiet—I think I messed up and didn't please her right, Alex. I—I'm no good for her…she musta finally realized that—"
The comment was quickly interrupted by a fierce embrace being given to her. Alex wrapped Lorna's now quivering body in her arms, pulling her closer. "Nicky loves you so much…she would never think that of you. You shouldn't think that of yourself, honey."
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred Four
Alex let out yet another sigh when she noticed the tears threatening to spill from Lorna's eyes but them being refused by Lorna herself. Before she could say or do anything else, the teakettle whistled from the stove and she quickly went over to shut off the burner. She retrieved the kettle, carrying it over to the other side of the kitchen. Placing it on the countertop right below the cabinet where she kept all of the mugs, Alex reached up to open the very cabinet and took out three of them. All were set down right next to the steaming hot kettle.
She stood there for a moment, eyes staring blankly down at the three mugs she just placed on the countertop, and exhaled deeply. Attention was swiftly shifted back onto Lorna once she'd turned away from the counter. "You look so tired, Lorna. Why don't ya go rest on the couch, yeah? I'll get you a cuppa tea fixed up and bring it in in a minute. I'll bring you a blanket, too, ya must be freezing still from running out in that chilly weather," she stated in a firm voice, making sure it was clear to Lorna there was no negotiating about it.
Not having the energy to put up a fight over it, Lorna sighed a defeated breath and abided by the request that was made. When she came back through to the living room and sunk down onto the cushion of the sofa, she finally realized how accurate Alex's comment was. Her eyes suddenly grew heavy and it proved to be quite a chore to keep them open. Naturally with her eyes involuntarily shutting, she felt her head leaning over until it landed right on the cushion of the armrest. The only sound she heard was the oddly calming clanking of Alex's slippers against the tiled-floor in the kitchen.
By the time Alex returned with the tea and blanket, Lorna had been near the brink of sleep. Something she found utterly surprising. The second she felt her body being wrapped in said blanket she forced her eyes open to see Alex slightly hovering above her.
The cup of tea was set on the end-table beside the sofa before Alex placed a hand gently onto one of Lorna's shoulders. "You're allowed to sleep. You look exhausted, sleep would actually be good for ya. I can warm your tea back up, it's not a big deal," she softly assured her, giving a comforting pat to the shoulder she had her hand resting on.
"I'm fine," Lorna shook her head while pushing herself to sit up so she didn't end falling asleep again. Sleep sounded so good but she couldn't allow her body what it needed. Fuck no. She deprived herself of anything and everything her body begged for—why wouldn't sleep be added to that ridiculously long list? A headache gradually formed and she instantly raised a hand to her temple, rubbing at it quite sharply.
A reflective head shake was given from Alex not more than a second later. The word fine seemed to be the dominant word in Lorna's vocabulary she was beginning to learn today. A word that certainly hadn't accurately described what exactly Lorna was. "You don't look fine, Lorna. And ya sure aren't acting fine," air erupted from her lungs and she released her hand from Lorna's shoulder. "Lay back down; you need to rest. Stop fighting yourself so much, kid. It's not doing ya any favors. All that's accomplishing is causing you more grief and by the way you're rubbing at your forehead it looks like it's givin' you a headache too, yeah?"
"I don't care." The statement grunted out of a clearly disgruntled Lorna.
"That's obvious," Alex agreed, a frown forming on her face. She sighed and sat down on the sofa beside Lorna, turning around to face her directly. Hands were slightly thrown up in the air. "Why don't you care about yourself, Lorna?"
Lorna scoffed at what she felt was the absurdity of such a question. She folded her arms defensively over her chest and positioned herself so that her legs were resting straight ahead of where she sat. Eyes stared right across at the blank television screen unswervingly in her line of view from the direction her head was facing. "Who the hell said I don't care about myself? That's not true at all," she muttered bitterly despite knowing that was exactly the truth. She didn't care about herself, not one bit.
"You don't need to say so for me or anyone else to figure it out, kid," the black-haired woman softly pointed out. A snuffle was sucked in through the nostrils of her nose. She turned her head, looking at Lorna with much softer eyes now. She replaced her hand on Lorna's shoulder once again, hoping to get her to turn her head so that they were both staring in the same direction. "If ya truly cared about yourself then you wouldn't constantly be battling with how you truly feel. You wouldn't say you're okay when it's obvious you're not. I mean right now you look like you could pass out from how fatigued you are but you won't just let yourself lay down and rest, will ya?"
"That's a bunch a horse shit. I'm fine, there ain't nothin' wrong with me other than the fact that I fucking repel my own girlfriend. I couldn't even give her an orgasm right—I don't deserve to take care of my own stupid needs when I can't make Nicky happy—"
"Lorna, that's insane. And untrue," Alex interrupted without a second longer of hesitation. Instinctively, she wrapped an arm around Lorna's shoulder and brought her a bit closer. "The last damn thing Nicky is is repelled by you. For fuck's sake, kid, she loves you more than she loves herself and clearly the same goes for you…You love her way more than ya love yourself—hell, do you even love yourself at all, Lorna?"
The air began to feel less airy. Lorna struggled to take in a decent sized breath. A breath that would actually be sufficient rather than one that would only keep her from breathing normally. It was as though someone had been covering her mouth with a pillow—not so tight she couldn't breathe at all but tight enough that breathing took a drastic amount of effort. Like she had been running during a heatwave; she couldn't properly take in a big enough breath. Struggling the way she happened to be, she forcibly pushed herself out from under Alex's grasp and off of the sofa entirely.
There was no plan. Lorna stood hovering over the spot she had previously been sitting completely at a loss for what to do. Running out of the front door would be nothing short of stupid seeing the sun was merely wholly down the horizon now. And she surely wasn't about to call the Chapmans to go back to that hellhole of a house. But staying here meant she'd have to answer questions she really wasn't fond of nor exactly ready to answer. No matter which way she looked at it she was in a lose-lose situation.
Fortunately—or possibly unfortunately—her inner battle was temporarily halted by Nicky's finally entering through the room from the archway of the hallway. When Lorna turned her head to stare at her, she realized it was rather the unfortunate side. Nicky stared back at her with nothing more fierce than her big brown soft eyes full of lung-crushing compassion. The sight only continued to escalate the breathlessness Lorna felt. She couldn't figure out a clear path out of this grave she somehow managed to metaphorically bury herself in.
She desired strongly to run through that damn front door but had to keep reminding herself there was no point in following through with that. It would really only fuck things up even more for her. Pile on more dirt in her nearly covered grave. She swallowed a thick wad of saliva which had been gradually forming at the tip of her mouth and shifted her feet impatiently against the wooden floor beneath them. There truly wasn't a way out. She'd have to stay put and come up with answers to whatever questions the two others' squandered up.
The room was eerily quiet Nicky instantly noticed upon walking in. Eyes darted from the apparent concern expression etched on Alex's face over onto Lorna, who's face was once again too indecipherable for Nicky to read. She crossed her arms over her chest unintentionally mirroring Lorna's stance. "What's going on in here? Lorna, why are ya standing there like you're planning to escape a prison cell?" Eyebrows arched ponderously above her two brown eyes that hadn't faltered even the slightest from Lorna's.
Lorna dug her teeth harshly into the flesh of her tongue. Damn Nicky for having such a knack for making jokes…even if they weren't supposed to be taken as jokes. The longing to snicker was there but Lorna avoided it by digging her teeth harder into her tongue. It wouldn't be a joke for long though—if she kept away long enough from her foster 'family's' house she'd end up trapped in a cell…a cell in the children's prison. And who knew? Maybe she'd stand in that cell exactly how she was standing now in front of the sofa. Plotting how the fuck to escape it.
"Well, Lorna refuses to take care of herself and I guess she's upset with me for pointing out the truth to her," Alex responded when Lorna chose to stay silent. Air huffed from her mouth shortly after. She crossed a leg over her other, resituating herself in a more comfortable position.
That didn't come as a surprise to Nicky in the slightest. Lorna was notorious for not taking proper care of her well-being and Nicky knew that fact better than anyone. She turned to look at Lorna, sighing at the rather faint tear marks that stained her pale cheeks. "Come here, kid, come sit with us. We need to talk. You need to tell us about earlier, yeah? Remember?" Nicky waved a hand for the brunette to join her on the couch but it landed on deaf ears—or preferably blind eyes.
Shaking her head faintly, Lorna refused to look back at Nicky or Alex. Instead she remained where she was and fixed her gaze on the pattern of the wood on the front door. The front door she wanted so badly to escape through right then and there. Air accumulated in her lungs and roared noisily out of her mouth when it became too much for them to bare. She bit down on the inside of her cheek and, without warning, a violent sob tore through her body—innately forcing a vicious shake out of her.
Not another second went by before Nicky was making her way over to Lorna and gently grabbing a hold of one of her hands which she used to lead her back towards the sofa with. She sat down on one of the cushions and then carefully brought Lorna down on it as well. Arms now encircled securely around her waist pulling Lorna to sit on the top of her lap. She nuzzled her chin upon the top of her head, lovingly tucking it into the crook of her neck.
"It's okay, doll, you're allowed to be upset and cry. You don't have to constantly stop yourself from feeling what you feel," her voice warmly murmured into the ear her mouth was delicately pressing against the rim of. Fingers combed soothingly through thick strands of Lorna's brown hair. She moved her mouth a slight amount and stroked it comfortingly onto the flesh of her cheek. "You're safe—you're safe here to tell us what's going on. You don't have to be afraid to open up about what happened today. I'm here for you, baby, and Alex is too. I promise. You can trust her like ya trust me."
Her head naturally resting on Nicky's shoulder, Lorna slightly twisted it to glance over at Alex. Sure Alex was a close a friend to her and proved to be rather trustworthy, yet, Lorna still hadn't felt safe sharing personal matters around more than just her siblings and sometimes Nicky. Hell, it remained a challenge for her to even let Nicky in on those personal issues most of the time. So, now, opening up about the day's events to both Nicky and Alex seemed utterly terrifying to her.
There was a noticeable skepticism shining through Lorna's eyes Alex picked up on rather easily upon returning her gaze. She scooted closer to both her and Nicky, reaching a hand across to place comfortingly onto Lorna's shoulder. "Nicky's right, you don't have to worry about talking about whatever it is in fronta me. You're both my best friends and I'm here for the two a ya, always. I wanna help you, too."
Despite Alex's reassurance sounding rather sincere Lorna still felt vastly uneasy with the idea of discussing her day in front of the both of them. Legs shifted back and forth where she sat. She swallowed and bit down cautiously on her tongue while busying her hands with a loose string she noticed on the pajama pants she was wearing. "Do ya really wanna get thrown in my messy life too? I hate pulling people into the hole with me…I already have Nicky drowning—I just don't wanna keep adding more—"
"You stop that talk right now, kid," Nicky sternly interrupted, taking both of Lorna's cheeks delicately into her two hands. Thumbs warmly stroked around the flesh of each one. Eyes melded compassionately into Lorna's. A sigh expelled from her lungs when she noticed the faint shame oozing out of them. The sight only had her thumbs stroking more—softer—around her cheeks. "You haven't pulled me into anything, Lorna. I want to fucking be here for you—I choose to be with you and help you through your problems. Ya haven't forced me, stop talking like ya have."
Lorna swallowed saliva and held up a hand, "But—"
"But nothing," Nicky shook her head and inched her face closer until her lips were lightly touching over Lorna's nose tip. Another sigh was exhaled through her nose as she continued to softly stare every inch of her girlfriend's features over. Eyes caught a glimpse of a loose hair strand and she traced a thumb towards it, tenderly pushing it out of the way. "The problem is you don't think you deserve anyone's support or help; isn't that right, baby?" She murmured while staring intently down into Lorna's eyes.
It certainly was the truth. Lorna didn't even need to ponder over her girlfriend's comment. But she wasn't about to admit that aloud. Admitting it meant she was giving into the idea that she needed help. That she needed people outside of herself to aide her through the molehills she created for herself. A task she was not at a point where she was ready to commit to it. If she did suffice and give in to allowing the people who cared for her to help her she knew that also meant she was accepting the fact that she was weak—that she couldn't work through her issues alone and she wasn't at a point where she wanted to accept anything of the sort.
A heavy breath pushed through her airway as she continued messing with the string she found on her pants. Shoulders shifted up near the sides of her face while she gradually darted her eyes between Nicky and Alex. Both had the same concerned expression etched on their respective faces which only tightened a pang in Lorna's chest to observe. All she did was cause the people around her to fret and worry over her and she wasn't even worth anything. Not a single cent. It was beyond her why anyone would care for her the way Nicky did or Alex or hell—even her older siblings. She couldn't figure out why they all cared so damn much for a person as useless as she happened to be.
Alex used the silence to grab her cup of tea from the coaster it was sat on on the coffee table. She brought it to her mouth, sipping it slowly. When she finished and replaced it back down, she fixed her stare on Lorna and Nicky once again. There was clearly an inner battle going on inside Lorna's head by the look displayed on her face. That much she could tell without any issue. She shifted her eyes slightly onto Nicky who hadn't stopped staring at Lorna with that unrelenting volume of worry oozing from her face.
"I can understand how hard it is to open up about your life to people—I don't do that very often, myself, Lorna," Alex blurted out, her eyes staring at the brunette now. She drew in a breath. "But it might make ya feel a little better to talk to us. At least why not let Nicky know how ya feel about the shower incident, yeah? Communication is an important part a being in a relationship."
The comment brought forth both a chuckle and a fiercer wave of concern over Nicky. Her arms immediately secured themselves around Lorna, pulling her as close as she could possibly have her. "Damn, Vause, are you a couple's counselor now? Ya sure sound like one—you have a lotta options for professions," she playfully told her, lips slightly curving into a smirk. But, just as swiftly as the smirk appeared, it dissipated twice as fast. Nicky's light-hearted demeanor quickly transformed into a serious one.
Eyes focused now down onto Lorna's face, observing every inch of it with a searing intensity. The smirk once displayed was now a frown. She stroked her thumb tenderly from one side of her cheek to the other. "Babe, are you still stressing over what happened in the shower?" Lips slowly pressed onto the flesh of her forehead while she kept her hands framed softly around her face.
A lump melded into the back of Lorna's throat. Maybe that conversation was better to start with than the event with the CPS lady and the Chapman's she thought. Her head gradually nodded up and down as she shifted her eyes away from Nicky's. There formed a slight pang of guilt in her chest to admit to that—she didn't want to make Nicky feel bad over the ordeal. But it had still perturbed her a faint amount not knowing the true reason Nicky had abruptly halted their love-making session. Receiving an answer for that might make the stressing and worrying fade away. Or that was what Lorna hoped would happen, anyway.
"I, erm, I just…I don't know," Lorna muttered, huffing out a sharp breath and slumping her arms against her sides. Eyes now fixed onto the wall directly in front of where she sat, observing each and every little paint stroke she could from the distance between them. Her lungs filled with even more air that came out of her without warning. She shifted her legs out of habit. "I did something wrong, didn't I? I had to, ya looked real upset after and there's no way it wasn't from what we were doing—or I guess what I wasn't doing?"
Sitting there on that sofa wasn't an option for Lorna any longer. Her body hand long grown restless, anxious. She needed to move about, keep herself occupied with walking rather than letting her mind become soaked with thoughts she didn't want to cycle through. She pushed up from the couch, using the armrest in doing so, and walked a few steps over to the other side of the end-table which separated the sofa from the recliner. The cup of tea she hadn't touched yet she picked up by its handle—looping her three middle fingers around it—and lifted it to her mouth for a sip. A sip she had desired to bring about some calmness over her but it hadn't done anything of the sort.
When she felt sufficed with the amount of liquid she drank, she removed it from her mouth but kept it looped with her fingers. Her feet took her around the room in a circular path, over and over as if each lap would magically erase the thoughts that plagued her mind. Wishful thinking but it did, at the least, keep her focused more on where she was placing her feet so she didn't end up tripping on something.
The redhead and black-haired best friends sat watching this from the sofa. Both let out subsequent sighs.
Nicky lifted a hand up and rested it on one of her temples. An ache slowly formed between the one she massaged her palm around and the one clear on the other side of her forehead. Her head was turned towards Alex and the pair shared a quick glance, she watched as Alex's shoulders recoiled upwards and sighed. Neither one of them knew exactly what to do in this situation was the conclusion she came to from that. With her eyes still on Alex, she was able to see when she stood and started walking nearer the archway into the kitchen.
However, right before she exited through it, she stopped and looked at Nicky. "Ya wanna cuppa tea, Nichols? Or coffee?"
"Coffee, please. I think the caffeine is needed more than tea," Nicky responded, giving a quick gracious smile before Alex nodded to her and disappeared into the kitchen.
Now that she was momentarily left alone with her girlfriend, Nicky's focus was all on the brunette. Empathy etched fiercely on her face the more she observed Lorna's disheartening behavior. She sat watching her pace a few more minutes before she had enough of it and got up after her. Her hands both reached out and placed themselves on either one of Lorna's shoulders, immediately halting her from any further pacing. Lorna jolted to a stop in front of her and Nicky's breath caught in her throat when she felt a slight flinch coming from Lorna's body.
Their eyes locked together and Nicky could see every bit of the pain she believed Lorna was experiencing—and also had been hiding from her for god-only-knew how the hell long. Her bottom lip inverted under her top one while she moved one hand away from Lorna's shoulder up onto the flesh of her cheek. Palm pressed softly into it, stroking delicately around it in the shape of a circle.
Lorna copied Nicky by sucking in her lower lip as well; she diverted her eyes slightly, deeming Nicky's stare a little too intense for her in that particular moment. A random cough escaped her mouth. She swallowed thickly to clear her airway of any obstructions. "I failed you," the comment breathily whispered out through her faintly tremoring lips. Eyes still hadn't returned their glance into Nicky's. She couldn't bare to see the expression on her face. Couldn't bare to see the disdain or disappointment Nicky had to have felt towards her.
Lines scrunched up on Nicky's forehead as she tried to comprehend what was just disclosed to her. Her throat cleared silently, but her hands both cupped around Lorna's cheeks now and she used them to gradually move Lorna's face back towards her own. She needed to look into her eyes and try to decipher her emotions, her thoughts. Something that would help her make sense of why the hell Lorna thought she had failed her. A statement that couldn't be further from the truth she deemed.
"Failed me?" The words repeated through her concern-inflected voice. Nicky's eyes squinted while peering into Lorna's. She saw Lorna meekly nod her head and she shook her own. Her palms pressed warmly into the skin of each cheek she cupped them around. "Why do you think ya failed me? I can promise you ya haven't. Not at all, doll," she murmured lovingly, leaning closer to Lorna so that her forehead overlapped Lorna's. The closeness between them made it rather simple for Nicky's lips to affectionately touch over the flesh of the tip of Lorna's nose.
The lump in Lorna's throat hardened and no matter how many attempts she made to swallow it down it hadn't ceased even a little. Nicky would never admit to something like the comment she had made to her—Lorna knew that. However, that hadn't negated the fact that her comment didn't have some amount of truth behind it. "Because, erm, Nicky…I didn't, uh, I didn't please ya right…I didn't make ya feel good like I shoulda and I am just not good enough for you," her voice sifted off at the end. Tears suddenly appeared running along her pale cheeks.
"Lorna, Jesus, Lorna," Nicky strengthened her arms around the smaller girl's waist to make sure she couldn't try to run away again.
She felt her chest tighten, her breath catching in her throat. Her own tears threatened to spill out from her eyes as she looked Lorna methodically over. She moved her thumb to where she saw Lorna's tears and lovingly stroked them away with it. Lips pressed once more onto her nose, then over onto her cheek and then her other.
A warm liquid spilled over, caressing along the flesh of her own cheeks alerting her that she was crying now also. She didn't care to stop or hide them from showing. If she wanted Lorna to allow her emotions out then it was only fair she did the same. Air came in through her slightly ajar mouth; Nicky closed her eyes for a second and then reopened them. They gazed compassionately into Lorna's, taking in as much of what she was feeling as was possible for them.
More air swarmed in through her mouth as she formulated the words to speak. "Lorna," she began again, lips resting over the rim of Lorna's ear. She placed her thumb behind it where a sparse strand of hair fell, curling it neatly around the ear. "You made me feel more than good, Lorna. Intensely good that was why I needed a cold shower. It wasn't because you were bad or not good enough—shit, doll, those are two things I would never even think about you," the words flowed out through a cracking voice. Nicky had to stop herself before she heaved out a sob.
Her eyes mixed with Lorna's and it caused a sharp pang to pierce through her chest seeing the deeply-rooted agony oozing from Lorna's. Saliva heavily coated her mouth which Nicky swallowed thickly down. It was obvious to her how much Lorna still suffered the aftermath of her uncle's abuse. Knowing that—concluding such a fact—it hurt Nicky, too. Lorna didn't deserve to feel the way she felt. She didn't deserve to have to constantly wonder whether or not she was good enough for the people around her. She shouldn't have to even think such thoughts—that shouldn't be what she was worried about right now. Or fucking at all.
There was a muffled sob which shook out of Lorna, one she tried to cover up with the sleeve of the shirt on her arm but Nicky shook her head and stopped her by taking a gentle hold of said arm and bringing it up to her lips for a soothing kiss. She looked softly down into Lorna's eyes, sighing and shaking her head once more. "You don't have to hold your emotions in anymore, Lorna. I'm not gonna ever judge you for crying. You need to let it out, baby, otherwise you'll never be able to really heal from this," she cautiously told her, taking her other hand and reframing it around Lorna's cheek. The tips of her fingers caressed delicately along the flesh underneath them.
"You're more than enough for me," Nicky continued, reaching her hand up slightly so that her fingers were stroking right below the skin of Lorna's teary eye. Her face inched closer and her forehead brushed comfortingly onto Lorna's. "Your job is not to please me, okay? You don't ever have to please me or make me feel good just to have my love. I love you for who you are, sweetheart, not because of anything you do or don't do sexually. I know you've been hurt and your uncle probably made ya believe that love is just sex but I promise you love has nothing to do with sex. Love is not about sex at all and I don't want ya thinkin' ya got constantly earn my love by being some sorta sex slave like I'm sure your uncle forced ya to be."
Nicky paused, taking in a deep breath while also pressing a tender kiss onto the flesh of Lorna's cheek. A sad smile morphed onto her face as she looked the younger girl over. There wasn't a sweeter person than her, she thought. Not a sweeter, more angelic, being than the brunette she held against her right now. A sigh exhaled from her airway. "You are not an object, Lorna, and I don't want ya to ever think that's what you are. Okay? You're a sweet, beautiful, loving human being and I love you so much. I don't just love you because you make me feel good during sex. I love how amazing of a person you are, how much you care and love everyone. I love how hard ya try to see the good in things."
Every part of Lorna's chest ached. Her heart pounded heavily inside her chest she thought it would fall out. Despite the warmth of Nicky's words, she shook her head and looked up at her. "If I'm not just an object, hon, then…why do the Chapmans get to decide that I'm donating my liver to my dad?"
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred Five
"I have the coffee ready, do ya want it black or—"
Alex had hollered from the kitchen but once she came halfway through the archway and saw the solemn expressions on each of her friends' faces she stopped mid-question. Arms folded in over her chest as she looked worriedly between the two girls silently wondering where the conversation had led to while she'd been busy fixing the coffee. An eerie aura came about the room now, she swallowed uneasily and shuffled her feet slightly against the wooden floor beneath them. "Everything okay? Looks like the two a ya seen a ghost or something."
Both girls simultaneously shook their heads upon hearing the query. Lorna grinded down on her teeth, bowing her head towards the ground, while Nicky gritted her teeth to keep the bubbling rage from displaying too fiercely on her face.
That did not ease any of Alex's concern. She bit nervously onto her tongue resting a hand on one of the walls she was standing in the middle of. "Anything a cuppa coffee could help with? It just finished brewing," she tried to mitigate the tension which appeared to incessantly grow stronger and stronger with each silently passing moment. Her stare shifted between them but neither budged their heads or even opened their mouths to voice an answer. She swallowed harder, feeling even more unease about the situation.
"Coffee might help if you keep it in the pot and drive me to the Chapman's house immediately," Nicky finally found her voice again, though it came out a bit strained from how hard her teeth were grinding over one another.
Nicky's unexpected response instantly had Alex's brows furrowing curiously over her blue eyes. She removed her hand from the wall it had been resting on and curled that one along with her other over either sides of her hips. "What exactly are ya planning on doing with a pot of coffee at the Chapman's? Bringing them fresh coffee?" She asked, trying to make sense of the request. But it didn't make any at all and she certainly had no idea what the hell the meaning behind it was or if there even was one.
Shaking her head, Nicky threw up both of her hands and waved them around in the air. As much as she wanted to cuddle Lorna to her the anger was overpowering and she'd rather reluctantly force herself off the couch to let it out than to sit there and make Lorna witness it. She did, however, give a kiss to Lorna's head before fully retreating up from the cushion she'd been seated on. Her feet took control of her body temporarily and led her nearer the kitchen, in leu of the coffee pot itself.
"I'm going to take the coffee and pour it on Mrs. Chapman. Take me to her house, Vause—I need to deliver this coffee to her before it gets cold," she fastened her pace, pushing past Alex and frisking her way into the kitchen. Yet, before she had a chance to snatch the hot vessel by the hand, she felt a firm grip on her shoulder which instantly stopped her in her tracks. The hand was firmly resting on her but gently pulled her away from the counter where the coffee pot was sitting.
Slowly, Nicky twisted her head around to see who the hand belonged to and wasn't too surprised to see it was Alex gripping so sternly onto her. Alex knew better than to allow her to do anything stupid or impulsive. Both of which Nicky was good at when it came to her anger and rage. She couldn't always control herself when rage or anger took over and for that she was grateful to have Alex as her best friend. A sane, reasonable, person who could rationalize with her.
A quick glance over Nicky was enough for Alex to take note of the obvious frustration pouring out through nearly every one of her veins. The sight made her lightly caress the hand she held over Nicky's shoulder around the top of it. "I don't know what's happened but I don't think pouring hot coffee on Mrs. Chapman is the answer, kid. All that would do is cause third degree burns and a possible juvie sentence for you," Alex truthfully informed her distressed best friend.
That was clearly the truth of the matter. Pouring coffee on Mrs. Chapman and giving her third degree burns wouldn't solve anything other than gain Nicky a probable stay in the juvenile detention center. And being in there wouldn't do any good for she nor Lorna. So, with a strong amount of reluctance, Nicky nodded her head and rolled her eyes. She hated when Alex or anyone who opposed her was right. Revenge was what she was after but the people who cared about her always seemed to talk her out of seeking it—or, rather, reasoned with her why it would be such a stupid thing to seek out in the first place.
Nicky exhaled louder than normal and placed one of her hands harshly onto the counter back behind where she stood. "Mrs. Chapman deserves to feel the burning of the hot coffee liquid running down her sick uppity body," she spoke through gritted teeth, eyes peering distastefully across the room at nothing in particular. The anger wouldn't release from her. After hearing what was going on with Lorna all she could do was madly plot her revenge in her mind—despite knowing how ridiculous it was for her to even do so. Revenge wasn't the real answer, she knew that. But just because she knew that hadn't meant she liked that or was okay with that.
"What the hell did she do to make you talk like a murderer right now? There will be no coffee burning anyone tonight, that's for starters. But I want to know what's going on. Did she do something that she should be in trouble for? I mean she is a foster parent so if she's into trouble, shouldn't the CPS people get involved?"
An empty chuckle came through Nicky's throat. That was a joke. Fucking CPS. Nicky shook her head violently at the fucking mention of CPS. They should be called PPS, she thought to herself, because it sure fucking seemed like they cared more about the parents than the children. Her head shook even fiercer. Another absent chuckle escaped from her mouth. The whole fucking system was a joke. Lorna's life was in shambles because of how fucked up the system was and it boiled Nicky's rage to no end. Revenge sounded better and better the more she enthralled herself with all the events of her girlfriend's life.
If she couldn't go through with pouring coffee onto the evil Mrs. Chapman then she at least was going to pour herself a damn cup of it. She needed something to busy her hands with. Something to occupy her mind so that she wasn't consumed too heavily by the incessant rage firing through her entire damn body. Having spent so much time at Alex's house now she knew exactly where the mugs were and went to grab one from the cabinet she'd seen them reside in before.
Once a mug had been retrieved and brought over towards the coffee maker, Nicky set it down beside it and grabbed the steaming vessel from underneath the filter. She poured as much of it in her cup as possible and then replaced the pot back under the machine. As she stood over her full mug, the steam came up to her nose and its strong scent eased very faintly at some of her anger. She looped her hand in the handle, bringing it up for a rather long sip.
The cup was set back down once she was satisfied with the quench said liquid gave her and her attention was gradually returned onto Alex. A sigh forced its way from her lungs while she crossed her arms defensively across her chest. "CPS is the biggest fuckin' joke I've ever heard, Vause. They protect the stupid fucking parents more than any children, ya know? Why don't they just call it PPS instead? Since all they give a shit about is the piece a shit parents," her voice grew louder the angrier she got. By the time she finished she was sure she was practically screaming and, in all honesty, she didn't care if she was either.
It was confirmed to her how loud her voice rose when she turned her head and caught sight of Lorna meekly standing in the archway. Within seconds Nicky felt her demeanor rapidly transform into a much softer one. She sighed and held out her arms, gesturing with her hands for Lorna to come all the way in and over to her. "Come here, doll," she lovingly commanded, not once taking her eyes off of the younger girl. Not until she watched Lorna walk over to her did she finally glance away.
Once Lorna had been within reach, Nicky enveloped her open arms around her waist and pulled her as close as she could possibly take her. Her chin pressed softly on the top of Lorna's head which naturally tucked it into the crook of her neck. At least while she cradled Lorna to her she knew she was safe and no one would have the chance to harm or choose for her to be harmed. A sigh bristled out of her. She tilted her head slightly so that she could easily press a tender kiss over the top of Lorna's precious one.
Alex held up a hand as if it were a stop sign. Eyes shifted between the teens; she still was rather clueless on what had occurred with Lorna and Mrs. Chapman to cause such a harsh reaction out of Nicky. Clearly, it had to have been something quite awful. But exactly what Alex remained in wonder. She leaned her body against the counter behind her and fixed her stare more on Nicky then Lorna. "Okay, so, that still didn't really answer my question. What happened? Why are we wanting to joyfully watch Mrs. Chapman writher in pain, huh?" Eyebrows arched up ponderously above her blue eyes.
Nicky caressed her hand delicately through the thick brown waves cascading from Lorna's scalp. Another tender kiss she pressed onto the crown of it, after, and then she tilted her head to look down into Lorna's eyes. She, too, still hadn't received the entire explanation of what happened but what she did hear was certainly sufficient to fuel her hatred towards the entire Chapman clan. "Sorry, doll, I know I didn't really let you explain much—actually, I didn't have the chance to with Alex interrupting about the coffee…"
"Wait, what?" Alex chimed in, throwing an unnerving glance Nicky's way. She folded her arms over her chest and tapped her foot silently against the tiled floor beneath it. "You mean to tell me you've been plotting revenge on Mrs. Chapman without even knowing exactly what happened, Nicky?" She shook her head in disbelief. But the disbelief hadn't lasted long; she knew all to well Nicky heard what she wanted to hear most of the time. It didn't shock her too terribly that she would already be scheming ways to get back at one of Lorna's foster parents without even knowing the whole story.
"I know enough to know that every bit of what I want to do to Mrs. Fucking Chapman she deserves," Nicky retorted back in defense of herself. Arms tightened around Lorna who's head remained lovingly tucked under her chin. Fingers continued stroking and combing through her dark brown waves of hair. It was the only motion she could do to keep herself calm as well as bring comfort to Lorna.
Alex bit down on the side of her mouth while turning her attention onto Lorna. "Can ya tell us the whole story about what happened? Obviously Nicky jumps to conclusions without giving you a chance to explain the situation."
Lorna swallowed a wad of saliva which had formed near the back of her mouth while giving a slow nod of her head. She released herself from Nicky's arms, rather reluctantly, and caught a glimpse of Nicky's coffee mug which was resting on the countertop just a few feet away. Before she got into discussing fully what had happened with the Chapmans and the CPS lady, she decided that cup of coffee looked good and she needed to fix one for herself.
Eyes shifted temporarily across onto Alex again, she waved a hand out in front of her to gain her attention. Once Alex acknowledged her hand motion with a nod Lorna moved her hand over towards Nicky's coffee mug again. "Where, uh, where do ya keep the mugs? If I'm gonna tell ya bout' what happened, I'm gonna need a coffee to help me out…if-if that's okay, course'?"
Walking over to the cabinet where she kept the mugs, Alex grabbed one out of it and brought it back to Lorna carefully handing it to her. She stood there watching as Lorna graciously took the ceramic cup, carried it to the coffee pot and poured a good volume of the liquid into the mug. "Ya want some creamer to mix in, yeah? And Splenda? I keep a box of Splenda in the drawer right next to where you're standing if ya want that. I'll get the cream from the fridge for ya," Alex gently offered and went ahead to the refrigerator to retrieve the half and half creamer carton from within it.
"Thanks," Lorna said after Alex brought the creamer over and set it beside her mug on the counter. She took a hold of the carton, once she had already put the couple of packets of sweetener into the cup, and poured a few small teaspoons of it into the bold colored liquid as well. She used the same teaspoon to mix the coffee and creamer together with until it turned into the perfect golden color that she preferred her coffee to be.
Pleased with the visual aesthetic of her coffee, Lorna set the spoon back where it previously had been and picked the mug up off the counter for a heavily desired sip. It warmed her throat the whole way down which in turn had her eyes innately shut as she immersed herself in the comforting taste and act of drinking the coffee. For as long as she drank it, nothing else seemed to matter. No problems existed in that timeframe. No pain, no hurt, no worrying—nothing. If only life could stay like that all the time she thought once she'd finished sipping her drink and had placed it onto the counter yet again.
She raised a hand up to her forehead and used it to slick back her hair. A sigh escaped from her lungs in a humming whistle. Eyes closed again. Her heartrate felt rather constrained. "I don't own my liver is what I learned today," she slowly responded after regaining a steadier rhythm in her heartbeat. Eyes rolled back in their sockets as she distastefully shook her head. Hands clasped together and then slammed onto the counter space right beside her cup of coffee. "I have no say in what happens to the liver in my body that I apparently don't own." Her eyes moved up and up with each word that spewed from her mouth. Lips were curved into an empty, meaningless, smirk that appeared wider by the end of her comment.
"Mrs. Chapman and my fatha are the ones who I guess own my liver now—they get to make choices that I don't agree with. But it really doesn't matter what the hell I think. I'm just a stupid kid who doesn't know shit," hands were ragefully thrown up in the air from how angry discussing the incident was getting Lorna. Both of her cheeks were so intensely red it would be difficult to tell them apart from a couple of tomatoes.
Lorna grinded her top teeth over the bottom ones to keep herself together but it didn't last long. She couldn't retain the anger; it was overbearing and if she held it in any longer she had a sense she'd physically combust. To combat that from happening, she opened her mouth and hurled out a scream. Afterwards, she gazed at her coffee cup sitting a few inches away and quickly swiped it up by its handle. She sipped down merely half of it in one violent sip before placing the cup right back where she got it from.
A smile pursed from her lips as she looked between Nicky and Alex. "So, I had a real good day if ya can't tell. I mean at least I don't have to make the decision, right?" There whistled a chuckle out of her throat. God, she thought, her life just got more and more fucked up by the day. She felt as if she was living out someone else's sadistic dream. Maybe Satan's. Or whoever the hell she pissed off in her past life—maybe even past lives. Whatever or whoever the reason for her current predicament, all she knew was that she about had had enough of this insanity. She was one problem away from dissolving into thin air. It wasn't possible her life could get even an ounce more fucked up. What else was there that could go wrong?
Neither of the other girls' had said anything yet and by looking at their faces, Lorna could tell the reason for that was due to shock. Exactly the same emotion she had experienced right after Mrs. Chapman declared to her that she was going to the medical center to sign the consent forms for the procedure tomorrow morning. Lorna had no more tears or screams to shed at this point. Even the anger was pointless. Crying or slamming things about wouldn't do a damn thing to change the situation. All she could do was stand there and laugh at the whole fucking thing.
Lips had long melded into a frown upon Nicky's face. Disbelief, shock, anger were all emotions that had taken turns displaying themselves on her face in the span of a few minutes. She couldn't settle on which emotion to stick with. Watching Lorna's demeanor only confused her. She inched closer to her until she was easily able to reach a hand across to place on her shoulder. Fingers tenderly caressed around the blade of it, hoping to bring her a bit of comfort. In actuality it brought more comfort to Nicky than to Lorna.
"No, no, no," Nicky shook her head fiercer with each no said.
She moved her hand from Lorna's shoulder up to her face, framing it softly around her cheek and caressing the tips of her fingers along the length of its soft flesh. Air expelled slowly through her nose the entire time she held her stare on Lorna's eyes. She shook her head again. Unbelievable that people who weren't even fucking related to Lorna had autonomy over her fucking body, her fucking organs. It made her sick. Absolutely fucking sick. "What do you mean Mrs. Chapman has authority to decide whether you give your live to your dad, huh? She's not even a relative, like, what the actual fuck? You can't be serious, Lorna. Please tell me you're not serious."
Lorna only snuffled out a laugh. A laugh that meant nothing. Other than showed her how fucking much of a joke her life was. She felt like she was being pranked. Maybe the entire past four years was all only some cruel prank. Fuck, a cruel prank would at least mean all the shit that had occurred wasn't even real to begin with. She'd have a chance to go back to a normal life if that were the case. But she wasn't stupid or that level of naïve. She knew she wasn't being pranked at all. Her life now was as real as it was going to get. As real as Carol Chapman's uppity attitude, she deemed.
"Nicky, I wish I wasn't serious. It feels like my life is some kinda twisted prank show lately. And honestly I'd prefer my life to be a twisted prank show because then I'd have a chance to go back to living normally, ya know? But that'll never happen. Me and normal just don't go together, do we?"
Another laugh followed the comment she made. She shook her head and her lips stayed molded into a smile. A smile which did not make it to her eyes, not even an ounce. It was as empty as her stomach felt. As empty as Carol Chapman's brain had to have been to say half the things she said in other people's presence. She twisted in Nicky's arms so she could reach for her cup of coffee and once she succeeded in that, she raised it up for a final sip to finish off the remaining liquid.
When it was all gone and making the journey from her mouth to her stomach, Lorna replaced the mug on the counter and refocused her eyes onto Nicky's. "And before that happened, the CPS lady apparently is a stalker," she held a hand in the air, moving it about as she spoke in true Italian fashion. "I don't know how but she found me and my siblings in the hospital cafeteria, Nicky. She told me if I don't stay put at the Chapman's house she'll throw me in juvie. So I guess I'll be going there because I'm sure she has some tracking device in me, I don't know. I just wish I'd wake up from this stupid nightmare. That's what all of this feels like—a nightmare."
Processing all that's been said in merely the past couple of minutes Alex rubbed her eyes with her hands before peering dumbfounded at Lorna. "Since when can they put ya in juvie for something dumb like that? What the hell? God, shit—I didn't fucking realize how messed up CPS really is," she sadly admitted, shaking her head concurrently. Her mind was still trying to wrap itself around everything that had been absorbing into it from Lorna's disclosure of information. No wonder the girl was running around a random trail in the woods—with all the shit she was thrown in one day, who wouldn't need to run into a random trail in the woods after that?
"You mean PPS, Vause. They don't care about Lorna; they care about the stupid parents," Nicky corrected through gritted teeth. Her arms tightened around Lorna and pulled her closer. She bent her head slightly to press a warm kiss over the flesh of Lorna's forehead. "Course' they're fucked up; my sweet Lorna's been living in a damn abusive house for years and stupid PPS didn't do shit about it. But now they fucking suddenly have a problem with her for not constantly being in the Chapman's house? Yeah, they're so helpful. So fucking helpful."
"Well, now, I can understand why ya wanted to watch Mrs. Chapman writher in pain in hot coffee," Alex stated, lifting her shoulders up to the sides of her face.
She exhaled a sharp breath and shook her head. The entire situation was fucked the hell up. Made her grateful that she was an adult orphan and not a teenager. That saved her from having to endure the same fate as poor Lorna. Her eyes shifted onto Lorna, sympathy displaying on her face as she looked at her. "You're always welcome to stay here if ya need a break from the Chapmans, okay? And if the CPS—I mean PPS," she corrected herself when she heard Nicky's throat clear, "comes lookin' for ya, I'll lie to them. I think it's really fucked up they'd put ya in juvie for something that isn't even a crime. When has leaving a house ever been considered a crime? That's just ridiculous."
"According to Miss Figueroa, the CPS lady, I am legally the Chapman's property and if I leave their house other than for school I am legally property of juvie. So guess I'm fucked either way, huh? I might as well become a real criminal since I'm gonna be thrown in juvie regardless," Lorna snickered, throwing her hands up in exasperation. She released herself from Nicky's arms and began walking in circles around the kitchen. Her eyes searched her surroundings very clearly but nothing out of the ordinary caught her attention. She sighed, shaking her head and stopped short of the backdoor leading out of the house.
Nicky walked up behind her and turned her gently around by placing a hand on either side of her hips. "You're not a criminal, kid, alright? And I'm not gonna sit here and let ya do anything to make ya one," her voice firmly assured the younger teen. Their eyes melded together and a crisp sigh shrilled through her esophagus. "You're not property. Whatever the fuck that damn bitch said to make ya feel that way is bullshit. You're a damn person and I swear to god if anyone's about to become a criminal here, it's me. Because I'm ready to go find this Miss Figueroa bitch and strangle the life outta her. I can't fucking believe she would say something so absurd in fronta ya—oh, god, I swear I'll be in juvie right beside you, kid."
Alex slammed a hand noisily against the counter she was leaning near in an effort to stop the two of her friends from saying another word. The violent jolt did exactly that. Both girls stopped what they were doing and slowly turned to look at her. She threw both hands up and let out a breath.
"Listen, nobody here is a criminal or becoming one. I won't allow it. I know we're all upset and pissed off with Mrs. Chapman and whoever the hell this Miss Figueroa is but plotting out ways to hurt either one a them is not gonna fucking fix any of this, okay? You're both better than that and I'm not gonna sit here and let either one a ya do something stupid because you're just mad and upset. Do we all understand that?"
The teens' nodded their heads subsequently and Alex clasped her hands together in relief.
"Good," she said, nodding her head as well. "Now, let's go back and sit in the living room and talk about this in a more mature way. Shall we?"
Lorna rapidly shook her head in protest of the suggestion. The last thing she wanted to do was talk anymore about the whole liver debacle. She was so sick of talking about it, hearing about it, having others' make decisions about it. She needed a damn break from it. Relief, something to make her fucking forget about it. Her shoulders gradually puffed out as air inhaled through her nose. "I don't wanna talk anymore about this. If I do I'll fucking lose what the hell's left a my sanity and there's not much there."
Crossing her arms over her chest, Alex leaned back a bit so her spine was pressing lightly into the rim of the counter behind it. Eyebrows furrowed over her eyes as she peered Lorna over. "Okay, so, what do you suggest we do then? Do not fucking say anything that has to do with revenge or criminal activity because that's outta the question, kid," she sternly warned her before she had the chance to make either one of those suggestions.
"I wanna get a new identity and go to Canada."
Nicky and Alex rapidly blinked their eyes upon hearing Lorna's request. They turned their heads the same direction, shared a glance, and then burst into a fit of laughter. Nicky held a hand over her chest to help regain her breath from all the laughing she'd done. It took a minute or two before she was able to formulate a response that was coherent enough to make sense. "You, ya wanna do what?" Her voice squeaked as a chuckled tried to come out the same time she spoke.
"I want a fake ID and to go to Canada so I can live a new life," Lorna repeated in a matter-of-fact tone. When she caught sight of the two falling into yet another fit of laughter, a frown molded into shape on her face. "I'm being serious. Stop laughing. If you two don't wanna help me I'll go find someone who will," she waved a hand in the air for emphasis and gradually inched her way closer to the backdoor.
"Lorna, that's crazy," Nicky commented once the laughing had faded and all she was left with was catching her breath. She followed behind her but stopped when she heard Lorna unlatching the lock of the door. Lorna really was being serious about this she concluded as she observed her slowly pulling the door open and reaching for the handle of the screen door next. Nicky acted quickly by grabbing firmly onto Lorna's hand to stop her from proceeding.
Lorna turned her head and stared madly at Nicky. "Well, I'm crazy so I guess it makes sense why I have crazy ideas huh? Let me go, Nicky. You two clearly don't wanna help so I'm gonna go find people who will—"
"And who the fuck do ya know that's gonna go along with this?" Nicky tightened her grasp on Lorna's hand, shaking her head fiercely. "No, I'm not lettin' ya do somethin' stupid. Somethin' that could fuckin' get ya killed. It's fucking pitched black out there, Lorna, do ya know how many creeps are out in that darkness waiting for a vulnerable girl like you?"
Brown eyes darkened in their sockets. Lorna shrugged her shoulders. "I don't care. If I end up dead at least I ain't gotta give my liver to nobody."
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred Six
I don't care. The words echoed through Nicky's mind. Lorna didn't care if she ended up dead. She probably wanted to end up dead from the way she fucking talked about it Nicky angrily concluded. Hearing that come from Lorna's mouth certainly hadn't released her grasp from Lorna's hand; in fact, all hearing what she heard did was tighten her hold. Tightened it so fiercely her knuckles were whitening due to the lack of blood flow. She pulled Lorna sharply away from the door and turned around so that her spine was the one facing it. She pushed back against the wooden base of it to make sure the door was out of reach for Lorna.
Out of the necessity to keep her anger in control, Nicky chewed down into the corner of her mouth. The anger hadn't technically been directed at Lorna. Rather the entire situation they were currently in. The situation that was all fucking thanks to Lorna's father was what this all came down to. His abuse towards Lorna was what really caused the current dilemma at hand. Nicky knew that. She wasn't angry at Lorna, not at all. She was infuriated with every fucking person who failed Lorna. The entirely fucked up system that was supposed to protect Lorna but instead protected her father, her uncle, and those godforsaken Chapmans.
Everyone fucking failed to care about Lorna. Failed to protect and keep Lorna safe from the very people who were supposed to take care of her but instead used her, abused her in ways that people should never have been abused in at all. Nicky grinded harder on her bottom teeth. She sure as fuck wasn't going to let Lorna fail herself. She cared for Lorna more than anyone, more than she thought was even possible. And, with the amount of care she had for Lorna, she'd be damned if she stood there allowing Lorna to walk out that door in the dead of night.
"I sure as hell care if you end up dead, Lorna," her voice cracked as she sensed a couple of tears leaking down her cheeks. Anger must have morphed into crying she realized once she'd felt the moistness on her face. But she wasn't bothered by the change, what was important to her was making certain Lorna knew how damn precious her life was.
Lorna's life was the most precious thing to Nicky. She never loved another being with the amount of ferocity as she loved Lorna. If anything ever happened to her whether intentional or unintentional, Nicky knew her life would never be the same. Her heart would never be whole without Lorna by her side. Lorna was her fucking damn heart. Losing Lorna would never be an option for her; she'd walk on a fire before she ever allowed Lorna into a situation that could possibly end in her death. And that included the liver debacle, too, she mentally deemed. She couldn't take any risks when it came to Lorna and Lorna's health.
Both of her arms snaked fiercely around Lorna's frame pulling her in against her front in the midst of it. She ended up basically carrying Lorna with her into the living room, wanting to make sure there was a sufficient amount of distance between her and that backdoor. Of course, once the pair had settled back onto the sofa they were seated on before, her eyes were met with the front door which she'd neglected to take into account. But she knew with her unrelenting hold on Lorna it didn't stand much of a chance. She wouldn't allow Lorna out of there alone and she had a hunch Alex wouldn't either.
"Are you—are you suicidal, Lorna?" The question was asked through a piercingly stern voice.
Suicidal. Suicidal? A snuffle made its way from Lorna's nose. Her head profusely shook in response to such an absurd question. A question that shouldn't have even been asked in the first place. The fuck kind of question was that? Eyebrows arched distastefully over her eyes. She was the fucking furthest thing from suicidal. The last thing on her mind was killing herself. If she ended up dead from trying to gain herself a fake ID card, she was fine with that—but that didn't fucking make her suicidal. She wasn't actively trying to take her own damn life. She was just trying to escape the horrid reality she was trapped in. And if death happened to be in her future then so fucking be it. She couldn't care less if she died.
She could hardly move from how damn tight Nicky's arms were around her. There was no use putting up a fight over it, either, she knew she wasn't strong enough to break herself free. Which, of course, would likely be due to the fact that she barely ate enough for a mouse to survive on let alone a fifteen year old human teenager. Again, however, she couldn't care less. Maybe starving herself would one day soon take her life and swoop her the hell out of this miserable reality she was stuck with.
But then, as she let her eyes really look Nicky over she felt her chest throb and the vengeful anger dissipated. Nicky was the only brightness in this obscene misery. She couldn't fucking leave Nicky. A sigh defeatedly came out of her and she finally allowed her body to relax against Nicky's, even wrapped her own arms around Nicky's upper torso to close the gap between them. She swallowed thickly. "I'm not suicidal, Nicky. I don't want to kill myself or nothin'," her voice barely rose above a whisper.
Biting unnervingly down on her lower lip, Nicky tilted her head while gazing skeptically into Lorna's eyes. Not completely certain she believed her girlfriend's words. How could she after the comment she had made? How could anyone believe Lorna wasn't secretly planning a way to end her life? It just didn't add up in Nicky's mind. Naturally, her arms continued to secure themselves on Lorna's waist. She snuffled in preparation for what she was about to respond with.
"Then why would ya make a comment about not caring if you end up dead, Lorna? Do you want to die? Are you thinking about being dead? I need you to be honest with me about this. I'm worried about you," she pleaded, desperation clearly inflected in her voice. Only one arm was released from around Lorna's waist so that she could use it to cup affectionately onto one of her cheeks instead. The tips of her fingers gingerly caressed along the flesh of it in an up and down motion.
Lorna averted her eyes away uncomfortable for being the blatant cause of Nicky's current anguish. A lump was felt at the back of her throat and swallowed thickly down afterwards. Nicky shouldn't be worrying about her—shouldn't be trapped in this relationship with her. And if she would have succeeded in walking through the damn door maybe she could have saved Nicky all of that trouble. Whether she got a fake ID or had her life taken from her at least Nicky would be spared a misery-filled life with her.
"I don't know," was her honest mumbled response.
Shoulders bounced up towards the sides of her face. She retained her eyes anywhere but into Nicky's. She couldn't bring herself to look into them and see the shame, the disappointment she had likely caused her. Fuck, she was disappointed in herself; shamed and sick of the person she was. There wasn't any good left in her. No wonder Mrs. Chapman wanted to sign those consent forms—at least donating her liver to her father would do some good. Even if he hadn't technically deserved a second chance at least Lorna was doing something that made her life a little more meaningful.
The statement did nothing to relieve any of Nicky's nerves. She stared harder into Lorna's eyes, which were peering off into the distance she noticed, and huffed out an exasperated breath. "What do ya mean you don't know? Lorna, babe, I need you to actually talk to me. Okay? This isn't a joke. Your life isn't a fucking joke. Are you fucking wishing you were dead? I'm not asking if you wanna kill yourself I'm asking if you wish you weren't alive anymore," Nicky clarified, voice strained from her gritted teeth. The only way she could keep it so that her voice didn't end up cracking again.
A minuscule snicker squealed faintly through Lorna's throat. "What's the difference? If I were to admit to saying I possibly might wish I was dead half the time would that make me a betta person than saying oh yeah I wanna fucking kill myself tonight? As long as I don't find a way to kill myself I'm not suicidal. And I'm not. One million percent fucking not."
She couldn't resist from snickering more and more. Waved a hand in the air as well. "My life's not a joke, huh? Funny. It feels like it is. Feels like my whole fucking life has been one damn joke after the fucking other. Oh, wait, it is. And it's all thanks to my dad—he just had to use a broken fucking condom when he fucked my mom, didn't he? If it weren't for him and his stupid broken condom I wouldn't be here. I wouldn't a had to live in that damn house with a fatha who fucking resented me every single day."
Anger was rising the more she went on. Lorna reached a hand up and placed it on her chest, taking in a couple of breaths to ease some of the feeling away. She loathed feeling angry—it was the emotion she could live without. Being angry made her ugly inside and outside she believed. It was just generally ugly to be angry.
"God," she breathed out, "I wish God woulda just took me before I was even born. If I was never born none of these fucking problems would exist. You wouldn't be stuck here sitting with me, Nicky. You'd be free to live your—"
"You stop that right the fuck now, Lorna," Nicky sharply cut her off midsentence. Her head shook spitefully; she framed both of her hands firmly around each side of Lorna's face. Eyes locked sternly with Lorna's. "I'm not fucking stuck with you—I don't fucking feel stuck with you. I love you, Lorna. I love you, do you understand that? Do you not know what love means, kid? How the hell much did your dad and uncle warp your mind? Jesus Christ. What I wouldn't fuckin' give to have a minute alone in a room with those two dicks with legs."
She paused for a moment to collect herself. Revenge was not the answer she reminded herself. Even though torturing those two men sounded good right about then. But she couldn't—it would take her away from Lorna and Lorna was who was most important. So, she sighed and tried to calm away the rage as best she could. Instead she let her features soften and pressed the palms of her hands gently into the flesh of each cheek they were framed onto.
"I love you and I want to be here with you. I want you here with me. Your life is precious, Lorna, you are fucking precious. And I'll be fucking damned if I sit here letting you trash talk yourself for another second. I know, I know it's not your fault. It's hard to love yourself when your own father—your own uncle—are sitting treatin' ya like some kinda object but I swear, Lorna, I will spend the rest of our lives showing you what real love is. I will do whatever the hell I can to make sure you never ever feel like this again. I don't want you dead. I don't want you to want yourself dead. Seeing you hurt this bad it hurts me, baby. You shouldn't have to feel this way. It's not fair and it's certainly not fucking okay at all."
Lorna threw up her arms in defeat. Fair and okay weren't a part of her vocabulary, her life. It didn't matter if what happened to her was fair or okay or neither—when it came to Lorna Morello, life didn't need to be either of those things. Not that it didn't need to be, rather, it couldn't be those things. She pissed off the almighty so much in her past lives—or at least she believed that to be what happened—that this was just the consequence of all of her preceding failures. And it made sense to her thinking of it in that way. Made her come to an accepting of why things occurred in her life the way they had.
She accepted that everything that had happened and was currently happening were all only the karma she had earned herself. There wasn't a way out of it—she surely made poor choices in her previous lives and now, in this one, had to face up to the consequences of whatever those choices were that the old her had made. Yet, even knowing those facts, none of it negated how much she struggled through the events she was facing. None of it made her feel any less distraught, any less irritated. Really, it did the opposite. It caused her even further distress, further anxiety, further fucking everything.
Tears found their way along the cheeks of Lorna's face. Anger ran through her veins but sniffles broke through her windpipe. She couldn't find the words to respond with. Her heart ached—both out of affection for Nicky as well as guilt knowing none of what Nicky said she deserved to hear. Nicky just didn't understand the whole picture. She didn't understand that Lorna had earned this reality she was in. She was a bad seed; a bad fucking person who had committed terrible acts in earlier lives which was why she was forced to suffer with so much shit in this one. It was like hell but hell for the living. Instead of being in the afterlife version of hell the almighty clearly thought the life version of hell would be better suited for her.
"But, but Nicky," she meekly cried out once the sniffling had eased up sufficiently. "This is—I think, no, I uh I know this all," her hands were held up and circulated around her for emphasis, "it's just erm…it's just the life I uh I gotta live because I-I uh I think I musta been real bad of a person in the last life I lived. Karma I think is what this is. So I kinda—no not kinda, I do deserve everything that's happening to me. I gotta be punished."
Both of Nicky's eyes blinked rapidly. What the hell did she just hear? She swallowed unnervingly, reaching a hand up around Lorna's cheek and gazing firmly into her own eyes. "What the fuck are ya talkin' about? Lorna, that's bullshit. There's no way this is just some kinda sick karma thing; you're not a fucking bad person. Not in this life and certainly not in any other past lives. Who the hell is puttin' this nonsense in your head, huh? Who's makin' ya think this?"
"Nobody is making me think this, I know it's true. It has to be, Nicky. It's the only reason that makes sense." The tears ran faster down her cheeks. Lorna turned slightly from Nicky and peered longingly at the vacant front door. Escaping had been far out of the picture for her but that hadn't meant she still didn't desire to.
She tapped her foot anxiously against the floor under it and huffed out a breath. "I feel empty inside," she muttered so lowly it was merely unintelligible to the ear.
Within a few seconds of her speaking that last comment, Alex finally came in from the kitchen and looked between the two girls. Her eyes easily noticed the tension looming through the air and a silent breath escaped her mouth. She lingered her stare on Lorna, who—without a doubt—looked on the brink of passing out and decided on intervening the conversation they were having. Enough was enough. Hands clasped together which gained both of their attention rather swiftly.
The youngest of the three inched her way to edge of the sofa, peering off into the distance. She knew any discussion was pointless. And that realization had her wishing she'd have just stayed in that damn fucking secluded trail in the woods. She should have never called Nicky because clearly all she did by doing so was cause more grief for both Nicky and Alex. Now the two were fussing over her and she wasn't worth a minute of their time. She took her head in her hands and squeezed them tightly against her cheeks. If she hadn't reached out to Nicky, she could have spent the night hiding out in the woods and maybe, with her shit of luck, some animal would have found her and claimed her as their supper.
"I'm sorry I bothered you," she heard herself saying. Then immediately she covered her mouth with her hand. She hadn't meant to let any of her thoughts come out in that way. But her mind certainly didn't give a shit about her wants or her intentions.
However, before Nicky could even open her mouth, Alex held up a hand to stop her while gradually making her way towards where she saw Lorna sitting. Her blue eyes stared directly down into Lorna's brown ones; she could see just how mentally and physically exhausted the young girl truly was and felt her chest heaving with sympathy for her. She gently reached down to cup one of Lorna's hands in her own. "Lorna…honey, you look so tired. Why don't I get ya settled in the guest room, yeah? You could really benefit from some sleep, kid."
The suggestion was certainly agreed upon by Nicky who nodded her head rather profusely. She turned to give Lorna a glance and wasn't shocked at all to see the contempt on her face. Lorna fought way too hard against everything and anything that would do her any slightest bit of good. It broke Nicky's heart to come to that kind of a conclusion.
"Sleep? Sleep? It's hardly past seven, do ya think I'm some stupid child? Or some weak invalid? I'll just go out the door and find my own way to Canada—"
"You will absolutely not be doing that," Nicky sternly commanded. However, she softened her demeanor shortly after by taking Lorna's other hand in hers and giving it a warm squeeze. She raised her other hand up and rested it onto Lorna's forehead, brushing her thumb soothingly from one side to the other. "I think Alex's suggestion is exactly what you need right now, Lorna. You know you're not taking proper care of yourself—you don't eat enough, you don't let yourself rest like you should…baby, you need to have a little nap. Go on sweetheart, let Alex get you set up in her guest room, okay? It'll be okay. Nothing's gonna happen to you if you stop fighting and let yourself rest like you need. I promise."
Nothing's gonna happen if she decided on allowing her body what it needed for once. The comment echoed through Lorna's mind in a continuous loop. As much as she wanted to believe that was true, she couldn't get the self-loathing part of her to shut the hell up for a damn minute to even think about why such a comment might be entirely nothing more than that—the fucking truth.
However, Lorna didn't have a chance to voice her protest about the matter. Alex was quick to gently—albeit firmly—grab a hold of Lorna's hand and carefully lead her down the hallway in leu of the guest bedroom. The door to it was directly opposite another door which opened up into Alex's room. Not long after, the door had been pulled open and Alex flicked the switch right next to it which turned the overhead light on.
Air heavily sifted from Lorna's mouth. She stood in the doorway looking in but didn't budge an inch. The room wasn't huge in comparison to the bedroom the Chapmans' had allowed her to stay in but it certainly wasn't small, either. Centered between two wooden-crafted end-tables was a craftsman style wooden bed which looked a million times homier than the bed in the Chapmans' guestroom Lorna observantly noted. The grade of the wood made her wonder if Alex and her mom were the ones to have created it. She wouldn't be surprised; it appeared the two had a knack for interior designing not just a house but also furniture.
The silence was soon interrupted by the sound of Alex's arm lifting up so her hand could gesture at the very bed she noticed Lorna's eyes mesmerizingly peering at. "You can rest there, kid. I'll get ya a couple extra pillows from the closet. Let me know if ya need an extra blanket too, yeah?" She informed her while going over to the very closet she had just mentioned to retrieve exactly what she said she was going to.
Lorna swallowed uneasily, still not moving from the spot where she stood. Eyes gazed longingly at that bed. That bed which appeared so enticing, so cozy and comfortable with the beautiful floral bedspread neatly folded overtop of its mattress along with the same floral patterned pillow-case covered pillows resting near the stunning wooden headboard. It screamed for her to come over and rest on it but her feet outright refused to move. Her mind refused to allow her to do any such thing. Comfort and rest were two things she was unworthy of. Why should she get to lie in such a comfortable looking bed like the one across from her when she had been causing so much fucking anxiety to all the people she loved and cared about? All the agony and pain she had caused so many people—she was in no place to be accepting an offer as the one Alex was giving to her now.
With a couple of pillows in her hands, Alex shut the closet door and turned back towards the bed expecting to see Lorna there but didn't. A sigh escaped her as she set the pillows on the mattress and then twisted her head around to peer back at Lorna. "Come on, kid, you need to rest," she gently reminded her, gesturing her hands once more in direction of the bed where she'd just placed the extra pillows onto. She kept her stare firmly on the brunette and felt another sigh forcing its way through when the girl still refused to move away from that godforsaken door.
There was a blatant apprehension oozing from Lorna's brown eyes. Alex didn't hesitate to see that. Her heart felt heavy knowing Lorna was incredibly uncomfortable at only the mere suggestion of getting some rest. She couldn't fathom feeling such a way over something that the majority of people were happy to oblige by. So much about Lorna Alex couldn't understand, couldn't comprehend. Lorna was a rather perplexing human being—and, of course, Alex realized that wasn't her fault at all but that hadn't made it any easier to figure the young girl out.
"Lorna, come on. You look like you could pass out right there. Why won't ya just come and lie down?"
The query caused Lorna's eyebrows to heighten a few centimeters. She chewed on the side of her mouth trying to figure out what to respond with but the exhaustion was taking a toll on her. She could pass out just where she stood. Her entire body suddenly felt so heavy, so drained—she hadn't realized how damn tired she was until Alex pointed it out to her. She tried to lift a leg to move forward but the second she had a wave of dizziness came over her. Instantly she dug her foot back into the ground and placed a hand on the frame of the door she was standing in the middle.
Something about the expression on Lorna's face alerted Alex there was some sort of problem. Without another thought she made her way over and took a gentle hold of one of her arms. She slowly, carefully, led her to the bed and helped her get settled on it. The cover and sheet were pulled back and once Lorna was resting back against the pillow, Alex gently tucked both the comforter and sheet around her. She perched slightly on the edge of the mattress intently peering down at the younger girl.
The longer her eyes lingered on Lorna the easier it was for them to absorb the obvious struggle seeping from Lorna's brown ones. She felt a sharp pang momentarily flash through her chest. How was it possible for a person to have conflicting thoughts over a thing as simple as resting? Puzzlement etched on her face along with the question popping through her mind. There was no way she could possibly wrap her mind around the whole debacle. It was and would remain indistinguishable to her.
"You're allowed to sleep, Lorna. Why are you so tense and afraid of doing what's healthy for your body, huh?" Alex couldn't stop herself from voicing out her concern. She gently reached down and rested a comforting hand onto the flesh of Lorna's forehead. Soothingly, she brushed her thumb from one side of it to the other.
The sensation was almost enough to have Lorna's eyes instinctively close shut, however, she fought tooth and nail to keep such from happening at all. No pleasantries had been earned by her such as the comforting stroke of a friend's hand along that of her forehead. Therefore she couldn't allow herself to relax. She had done nothing but cause grief for both Nicky and Alex the entire evening; it didn't seem right for either to now give her comfort, to have her rest in a bed when she spent the majority of the evening trying to coax them into helping her obtain a fake ID.
Healthy for her body? The only thing healthy for her body was to eat less and move more. Or, rather, move constantly. Staying sedentary in the bed like Alex and Nicky had been so hell-bent on trying to convince her to currently do rendered her anything but fucking healthy. The longer she stayed there the quicker weight would be added to her body. Sleeping would add even more than just lying there would. She needed to get out of that damn bed and out of the house so she could keep on moving, keep her body from trying to add any more fat to her already overtly fat body.
"Because laying here means I'm lazy and I don't want to…erm, I don't want to get fat," she whispered the last part when she realized what the hell she was saying. A lump was swallowed uneasily down afterwards.
Alex's thumb rapidly seized its stroking. She sucked down on her bottom lip, unsure what to think of what Lorna had just disclosed. Eyebrows arched up and down over her eyes as she tried to formulate something to follow that up with but her mind was racing with even more worry and concern for her friend. She at least regained the ability to continue the motion her thumb was making around Lorna's forehead, so, she focused her energy temporarily on that.
What kind of teenager spent time worrying about whether resting had any kind of effect on their weight? The question ran through Alex's mind as she sat there brushing her thumb over and over around Lorna's forehead. That certainly wasn't something she, herself, had ever even contemplated over when she was a teen or now. And it wasn't remotely normal for anyone to be thinking that, she thought.
"Get fat? Lorna, what do ya mean? You think lying here and sleeping is, uh, is gonna cause you to gain weight or something?" Speaking it out loud showed Alex how absolutely absurd such a thought was. How could Lorna think a thing like that? She shook her head in amazement; she didn't understand Lorna or Lorna's mind even in the slightest. Maybe she never would, either. How could she understand her when Lorna couldn't seem to differentiate how her body needed sleep for energy just so she would be able to live every day life. Sleeping didn't equate to laziness. Her face scrunched up; what person had put that thought in Lorna's mind?
"I don't wanna talk about it," Lorna quickly commented. She turned on her side, facing away from Alex, and let her eyes stare lifelessly ahead of her. The light from the hallway was barely noticeable to her anymore. She sighed. Her earlier statement should have never been released from her mouth to begin with.
Shaking her head, Alex sighed as well. Despite Lorna's having turned onto her side, Alex's hand remained on her forehead and she didn't take that as her que to remove it. No, she let it stay right where it was and resumed stroking it as delicately as she could. "You can't just say shit like that and expect Nicky or me to just ignore it. You say a lotta shit that worries us, kid—especially Nicky. You have no idea how much she's worried about you—"
That was all it took for Lorna to force herself into a sitting position. Arms crossed vibrantly over her chest as she gave a hard stare at Alex. "But I do know how much Nicky worries for me. I know she worries way too fucking much about me, Alex. I wish she wouldn't."
Chapter 108
Notes:
So I have a new plan with this story. I'm going to keep it at 110 chapters for now and when I post chapter 109 (which will be listed as chapter 110) that'll be the finishing chapter but I'm going to leave it in a way where I can easily come back and write more at a later date. Reason why I have chosen to do this is because I am going to be starting a new job here in a couple of weeks as a full-time infant teacher at a local childcare facility and I will need some time to adjust to the new schedule. I've been working from home for the past three years which gave me a lot more time to write so once I start this new position, I'll need to figure out a new writing schedule. I'll probably take a month or so to just not write and see how my work schedule goes and then once I'm comfortable I will come back and plan out how I'm going to keep up with my writing. So, basically, I have no idea. I just wanted to put an advisement that this story will be ending temporarily at Chapter 109 (Chapter 110) but I want to continue it after I get adjusted with my new job. I hope this makes sense hah.
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred Seven
No wonder Nicky seemed to always be craving heroin. Lorna's constant banter about how she didn't believe people who cared about her should worry for her or show any amount of concern was completely and utterly draining to endure. Alex rubbed a hand at each of her temples to ease away the rising tension. And if it had that much of a toll on the people just watching her, she couldn't imagine the toll it was having on Lorna to actually be the one dealing directly with the incessant inner battle. Alex had no clue how Lorna had the energy to handle that on top of everything else she was going through.
"Why, why do you wish Nicky wouldn't worry?" The question was uneasily, but also carefully, asked. Alex retained her thumb on Lorna's forehead the entire time, however, gradually tracing it down to her cheek and began comfortingly caressing around the flesh of that instead now.
Shoulders slumped the same time an exhaustive breath forced its way irritatingly from Lorna's windpipe. Being interrogated on every little thing she had allowed to spill out of her mouth was beginning to fray on each one of her nerves. She grinded her teeth harshly together to keep her frustration from seeping out. The event, she sensed, would likely only cause the interrogation to last longer.
She watched Alex's hand pushing up and down the side of her forehead and mirrored her by bring one of her hands up and doing the same with one of her own temples. An ache had settled between the two of hers. Why did she do half the fucking things she did? Was a better question that had run through Lorna's mind. Why did she think the way she had? Why did she look how she looked? Why the fucking fuck was she born in the first place? Why did her dad have to be such a damn idiot?
Minutes had passed with no answer obtained. Alex swallowed and ceased from stroking the cheek her thumb was touching. Instead, she chose to firmly frame a hand around Lorna's face, holding it in place in front of her own. She let her blue eyes stare methodically into Lorna's trying to decipher what possibly might have been running through her mind at that particular time.
Nothing came of her the observation. Lorna remained silent and Alex remained at a cross road. She lifted her other hand, which had been lingering on one of her temples, and brought it right in Lorna's line of view. Two fingers were boisterously snapped in front of her eyes in the hopes of literally snapping her out of whatever daze she happened to be in. "Lorna, hey—look at me, kid," she tried to gently coax her out of the stupor she was in.
The finger snap got a slight flinch out of Lorna. Her awareness finally emerged from her mind. She took in a breath, realizing she hadn't taken a single one since she'd been swarmed with all those brain-numbing queries, and exhaled it slowly. Eyes gradually fixed themselves up onto the black-haired woman who hovered above her. As hers peered into Alex's she felt a knot take form in the pit of her stomach. Shoulders bounced temporarily up to the sides of her face.
Her hand which was once rubbing into her temple was now brought back down and set on the edge of the comforter draped over her body. She let the palm of said brush from one side all the way to other. "I just—it's…I, erm, I ain't worth the worry is all," was her stammered, merely muttered, response. Another bounce of her shoulders was attempted directly following the comment made.
Alex was caught off guard a second time having heard a rather unexpected response from Lorna. Whatever was the matter with her it, without a doubt, was deeply rooted inside of her. It had to be for her to say and think the majority of the things she did—or, from where Alex could tell, at least was a highly plausible explanation for all of that. "Why do ya think that? Has Nicky done or said somethin' to make ya feel that way, Lorna?" She wondered, peering perplexingly down at the other. Her hand she still had cupped around her cheek Alex used to soothingly stroke along the length of it.
Why did she think that? Why did she think that? Lorna let the question ponder through her mind but too lethargic to come up with an answer for it. Sure, she knew exactly why she thought that but she wasn't dumb enough to share that true reason. Nor did she have the energy to, anyway. Because if she stated the honest explanation it would only lead to more and more questions and those questions would cause more and more fatigue to fall over her.
Of course she had to come up with something to say. And she sure as fuck wouldn't make shit up about Nicky in the process. Her sweet Nicky did nothing—absolutely nothing to ever make her think the way she thought. Nicky was an angel; a sweet, loving, beautiful angel who only treated her with the utmost compassion, the utmost love and warmth. Lorna would never talk down on sweet Nicky. No matter the reason. Not even to cover up her own self-hatred. When it came to certain situations her love for Nicky was greater than the hatred she had for herself.
"No, no, course' not. Nicky never makes me think anything bad—she, she's the sweetest person I know," Lorna stated, shifting her eyes away from Alex's.
She stared straight ahead from where she sat on the bed which happened to be directly into the mirror hung up behind the dresser it rested atop of. One hand stayed stroking along the comforter while she moved her other one up to her head and gradually slicked back some of her hair. A sigh sounded through her windpipe. "Nicky—she has erm she has the biggest heart in the world. Her heart is so big and so full of love and I just—I don't know. Nothing. It just the way I think it just don't got nothin' to do with her, okay? I love Nicky; there ain't nothin' bad bout' her." Her voice grew slightly tenser by the end. She had to stop herself before she let anything unwanted slip out of her. Now certainly wasn't the time or place to be disclosing any of her deep, dark, secrets—especially not to Alex before she shared them with Nicky.
Right when Alex thought she was finally getting somewhere with Lorna the girl instantly shut down. She sighed and wondered if this was what Nicky dealt with on a regular basis with her. And if that happened to be the case then she wholeheartedly understood why Nicky got frustrated so easily, why she got so angry over anything pertaining to Lorna. Trying to talk to her and get her to open up about even the smallest of things felt merely impossible. Felt like a barefoot walk up a mountain in one hundred degree heat.
"Nicky does have a big heart, kid, and the majority of the love she has in her heart is for you," Alex gently pointed out. Having observed conversations between Nicky and Lorna Alex knew better than to allow the anger to inflect itself in her voice. Yelling and fighting wouldn't help matters, didn't help matters when she watched Lorna arguing with Nicky. She opened her mouth and drew in a deep breath. Yelling nor fighting would do no good now, either, especially with how obviously fatigued Lorna was looking. There was no sense prying her on the topic any longer. It wouldn't be of any benefit and would likely only continue to frustrate them both. So, reluctantly, Alex decided not to make any further attempts to get answers out of Lorna. That would have to wait for another time.
Instead, she settled on removing her hold from Lorna's face and placed both of her hands gently atop each of her shoulders. She carefully, in the gentlest of ways, pushed Lorna back so that her head fell onto the pillow beneath it. Then she went and grabbed the blanket, soothingly pulling it up to wrap securely around Lorna's frail body with. A sigh came out of her as she lingered her stare on the girl. She patted her hands comfortingly over her shoulders and then fully released them from her grasp.
"You just need to lay here and get some sleep. Nicky doesn't like seeing you torture yourself the way ya do and frankly neither do I. You don't deserve that kinda treatment, kid. You have just as big and loving of a heart as Nicky does. Whoever has made ya feel the way you do about yourself—they're the ones who deserve to be tortured not you. Okay?"
Out of complete and utter exasperation Lorna only nodded her response. There was no more energy in her to attest any of what Alex said regardless of whether she agreed with it or not.
Alex sighed in relief, thankful Lorna didn't try to protest her on that, and bent down to press a friendly kiss atop her forehead. "Good. Now just close your eyes and rest a while. I promise you the world won't end just because you listened to what your body needed for once."
"I don't know how Lorna hasn't crumbled to pieces yet, Nicky," Alex uttered upon her entrance back into the living room after she'd made sure Lorna had truly fallen asleep. She made her way over to the sofa and situated herself on the part of it where she always ended up sitting. Her back pressed into the cushion behind it while one leg was crossed over the other. She sighed as she raised a hand up and tousled it mindlessly through her thick black hair. Head tilted slightly to the side so she could get a better view of Nicky who sat a cushion away from her.
Eyebrows curved indistinguishably above Nicky's eyes after hearing her best friend's revelation. She folded her arms over her chest and mirrored Alex's demeanor, tilting her own head slightly to the side.
Alex frowned when she realized how her comment unintentionally came out in a rather insensitive manner. She hadn't meant for that to happen at all. That wasn't how she meant her words, either. "Oh, Nicky, I'm sorry," her voice rapidly apologized as she took the hand that had been playing with her hair and twirled it randomly around in the air. "I don't mean that in a taunting way or anything. I just—Lorna's so hell-bent on keeping it all inside that I'm surprised at how she hasn't had a catastrophe of a breakdown yet. Ya know? How much more shit can that poor girl take before she loses it? How can she handle all of it on her own? I just—I don't understand how she's able to go on the way she is. Just watching her exhausts me…watching the toll it takes on you exhausts me. How is she handling it? What kind of a toll is it taking on her?"
Bobbing her head rhythmically with each word she heard, Nicky puffed out her shoulder and inhaled a sharp breath. Those were questions she didn't understand any more than Alex had. How much more could Lorna take before something catastrophic happened? Clearly, it couldn't be that much more—Lorna already appeared on the edge of a cliff. One, maybe two, more things and surely she would be sent right over that very cliff. Nicky swallowed and momentarily glanced up at the ceiling. She clasped her hands loudly together in her lap and slammed her foot roughly against the floor under it.
"You've seen her, Vause, she's not handling it well. Not at all." Teeth dug roughly into the flesh of her tongue. Hands fidgeted together between her two thighs. "That girl doesn't eat, doesn't hardly sleep—she's not okay. She's not fucking okay and I'm fucking scared to death that if anything else goes wrong in her life she's gonna fucking end up dead."
The anger and irritation were bubbling fiercer by the second. Witnessing such immediately caused Alex's chest to tighten once again. She scooted right onto the cushion next to Nicky and gradually encircled her arms around her tense body. Hands comfortingly stroked along the sides of her hoping the motion would bring some sort of easement to the anger her best friend happened to be experiencing. She tilted her head a small amount so that her cheek naturally nuzzled into Nicky's.
Lips curved into a frown hearing how upset Nicky kept getting and how Lorna was continuously neglecting herself. A sigh made its way up and out of her throat. Those two were a mess she realized; such realization only furthered the tightness in Alex's chest. They were two of her closest friends—both struggling so much and she had no idea what there was for her to do help either of them. It tore at her to not know how to help. She cared deeply for both girls and seeing them hurting the way they were hadn't been a joyous occasion.
Fingers caressed over and over along the length of Nicky's spine as Alex embraced her close in her arms. "I agree, kid. Lorna's not okay at all. She won't even accept that her body needs rest. I sat there with her for ten minutes and the entire time she fought me on why she couldn't just lay there or why lying there would somehow mean she's lazy. She even said somethin' about how she didn't want to get fat…as if sleeping had some kinda effect on weight?" She scrunched up her face and threw up her hands in defeat.
Air huffed its way through her throat the same time her shoulders recoiled up against the sides of her face. Alex clapped her hands together from where they resided on Nicky's back and shook her head. "I mean this in the nicest way, Nicky, I really do, okay? Lorna needs more help than she's being given. There is something really wrong with her—the things she says, what she thinks…it just, it doesn't seem normal. Ya know? Like what kind of teenager sits and worries about whether taking a nap is gonna magically cause them to gain weight? Or makes comments about wanting a fake ID to go to Canada? Those are not normal things teenagers say. That poor girl needs so much help."
Nicky nodded her head profusely. Everything Alex said she wholly agreed with. It was all true. She wasn't an idiot—she wasn't blind; she knew, too, the help Lorna was currently getting wasn't enough. Lorna needed much more than what was being offered but what the fuck could she or Alex do about it? They didn't have a say in Lorna's mental health—or health in general. Hell, and the people who did have a say were the ones fucking everything up for her. Were the assholes behind why Lorna kept on worsening. Nicky shook her head fiercely. The Chapmans' had to be the biggest idiots there ever was. How could they have the audacity to see how poorly off Lorna was and yet do nothing about it? To say Nicky was infuriated was entirely understated. She was beyond infuriated. She was damn irate. She was ready to fucking go to their house and shake the stupidity out of them, to slam the attitude the hell out of Mrs. Chapman.
Alex sat silently, observing Nicky's every move rather intently. The embrace she had hoped would somehow magically erase the anger clearly hadn't attempted that in even the slightest. It was blatant to her, each second which passed by, how Nicky only grew angrier and angrier. And from where her eyes were gazing out at Alex concluded the anger wasn't meant for her. But certainly meant for someone. She swallowed and gave a final squeeze to Nicky before releasing her arms from her waist and now letting both hands frame around both of Nicky's cheeks.
Her hands were used to position Nicky's face directly in front of her own so her eyes could get a better reading. And once she had, she felt her breath hitch further in her throat. Nicky looked near ready to have someone's head chopped off. Likely Mrs. Chapman's Alex notated. It wasn't anything she could blame Nicky for wanting, however, she sure as hell wasn't going to allow her to act on said want. Alex did not condone murder no matter how terribly the person may or may not have deserved it.
"Lorna needs a lotta things right now, Vause," Nicky finally found it within herself to speak once more. Her teeth were grinding harshly together to keep her voice from getting too loud. With Lorna asleep just down the hall she certainly wasn't about to accidently awaken her by her rageful yelling. Lorna needed the rest she had no plans on taking that away from her.
A breath came in through Nicky's nose. The only thing she knew to do to expel the overbearing rage seizing through her veins. Letting it out any other way was not an option right now. She refused to risk waking Lorna. Not when she and Alex had been so damn adamant about Lorna needing to sleep. She fidgeted her legs, swapping which one she had crossed over the other, and lifted a hand up to her head where she used it to comb through her thick mane of red hair.
Head shook as thoughts of the Chapman's—mainly Mrs. Chapman—making what Lorna needed even farther out of her grasp then before plagued through her mind. Mrs. Chapman proved by her words and actions that she was just as evil as Mr. Morello. Nicky came to that conclusion the last time she spent the night at the house with Lorna.
More air inhaled and exhaled out of her. Evening her breath would somewhat even out a bit of the anger or, at least, Nicky hoped that was what it did. The anger really hadn't been benefiting her. She didn't like being angry all the time but she also didn't like the fact that so many people out there were trying to cause harm to the one girl she loved with every fiber of her damn being. Of course knowing such a fact would flare up her anger. She couldn't sit back and let things happen to Lorna. She couldn't. It wasn't fucking right. Wasn't right, wasn't okay and more than anything wasn't fucking fair. Of all the people inhabited on the planet, why the fuck was Lorna the one being thrown curveball after curveball? Lorna wasn't a bad person—contrary to what Lorna thought of herself—she wasn't out to get anyone or make people miserable…so why the fuck did all this bad shit have to happen to her?
Nicky's lower lip inverted and she shook her head even fiercer. She threw her hands above her head and clapped them together. "She really does need a lotta shit and the thing is, I can't help her—even her own siblings can't help her. We all want to but we all have no fucking say. Lorna can't even help herself…not that she wants to, that much is obvious. And instead of getting her more help, the fucking Chapmans are about to sign off on making Lorna's life even more difficult. Like what the fuck is wrong with them? How many times were they hit on the head when they were babies, huh? Because what they're doing makes no sense. In fact it shows what incompetent imbeciles the two a them are," her voice intensified with frustration the longer she spoke on the matter.
Nodding along with her friend's words, Alex swallowed a lump that had formed in the back of her mouth. All that Nicky had said rendered true and proved to her how fucking messed up the world was. How fucking messed up the CPS system was. Obviously they took Lorna from one fucked up household and dropped her into another one. Maybe the Chapmans weren't abusive like Lorna's father was but they sure as fuck were just as toxic if not more. Alex sighed, brushing her palms softly along the flesh of each cheek she still had them framed around.
"It's fucked up, kid, it really is," she softly muttered, her chest heaving with sorrow for the two girls. The two best friends who she adored deeply and longed for a way to help them with this. But Nicky was right—none of them had a say in this mess and the only ones who did were only making matters worse for Lorna. It was truly and utterly fucked the hell up.
It was beyond fucked up, Nicky silently corrected. Beyond beyond fucked up. A new word needed to be created to describe just how beyond beyond fucked up the circumstances were. But she kept those thoughts to herself. She sighed, leaning her head on Alex's shoulder and peering over her through the window straight ahead. It was dark outside now, the only light coming from the street lights and the crescent shaped moon in the sky. Not even stars could be seen from where she sat; the clouds too thick with clouds to make any of them out.
"Are ya sure we can't take that pot a coffee to the Chapman's and pour it on them?" She quirked an eyebrow but flashed a small smirk on her face to show Alex she was only joking. As much as she craved to do exactly that, she wasn't an incompetent imbecile like the Chapman's were. She wouldn't do something she knew would get her in trouble. What good would she do for Lorna if she was locked up in juvie?
Rubbing her hand soothingly up and down Nicky's back, Alex chuckled warmly albeit shaking her head. "I'm positive we can't do that, kid. Do they deserve it? Without a doubt. But I'm not letting you get yourself in trouble over those two Chapmans. They're not worth it and karma will come to them, okay?" She tousled her other hand softly through Nicky's thick mane of hair while peering down at her in overpowering sympathy.
Nicky sighed but nodded her head. She nuzzled closer to her friend and draped her arms around her shoulders. Alex was the perfect best friend she deemed. Without Alex she'd have been far down the heroin addiction path no doubt. Hell, she'd likely also be in and out of juvie if she'd never met Alex either. Alex helped keep her impulses in check, helped her not act irrationally all the time. Alex even knew exactly how to smooth things over between she and Lorna when the tension rose too high. Everyone needed a best friend like Alex she thought as her eyes peered attentively up at the very woman.
"You're right, Vause, as usual. But damn it, I just wanna go to their house and shake the hell out of Mrs. Chapman. The nerve she has to talk down to Lorna like she always does…it fucking pisses me off. She doesn't even want Lorna there, so, why does someone who has no compassion for my girlfriend get to make a life-altering decision on her behalf?"
"Because like you've been saying, Nicky, the CPS is bullshit. They have no interest in Lorna's well-being, they just protect the adults. I don't think it's right, either, what's being done to Lorna but there's nothing we can do to stop it. I wish there was, kid, but unless ya know of a way we're kinda just stuck, yeah?" Alex frowned, wrapping an arm around Nicky's upper torso and pulling her a bit closer.
Swallowing a bout of saliva which had long coated the inside of her mouth, Nicky kept her eyes on the window and watched mindlessly as a random leaf flew past it from the wind. There had to be something they could do to stop Lorna's having to undergo such a dangerous and lengthy procedure she thought. It wasn't like Lorna was in any shape to be undergoing something like that to begin with. And if she did get forced to Nicky feared what that might do to her already very frail body. It would mess her up even more and Nicky certainly wasn't okay with allowing that to happen.
The thoughts whirled vastly through Nicky's mind; she had no idea how worse off Lorna might be after this liver transplant procedure. She didn't want to imagine but she had to. There might not be anything she or Lorna's siblings could do about it. A sigh tapered from her throat. "I mean I don't know. Maybe her therapist could do something. I mean she's even said before that Lorna is in no condition to be donating any of her organs to anyone. She might be able to stop this from happening. I just don't know how to tell her—Lorna doesn't have an appointment for another week and she said tomorrow morning is when Mrs. Chapman is going to sign the consent forms," Nicky informed the other, shaking her head yet again. She felt she shook her head so much that evening she was half expecting it to fall right off.
Alex gave a small nod. She looked down momentarily and then quickly fixed her stare right back onto Nicky. Eyes widened a smidge as an idea popped in her head. "Does Franny have the therapists' number? Or the number for her office? You could ask Franny for it and call, maybe. At least if ya tell her what's going on she might know of something to stop it from happening…or at the least she could halt it enough so that you all could figure out what do next, yeah?"
Mentally, Nicky face-palmed herself for not thinking of that on her own. Duh, she thought, of course Lorna's sister would have the pertinent information she needed. Her eyes darted onto the time displayed on the VCR beneath the television on the shelf below the window she had previously been peering out of and read that it was merely eight o'clock. Early enough where she could still reach out to Franny. Sure, she'd have to wait until tomorrow to call Dr. Poussey's office but at least she could get the contact information now.
"You're smarter than the Chapman's Vause, ya know that?" Nicky couldn't help but throw a light-hearted smirk her way. The mood had been serious and melancholic for too long now. She needed something lighter. "I'll shoot Franny a text and see if she won't mind sending me the number. I'll just have to call first thing tomorrow."
The morning came and even before Nicky had a chance to go through with what she had said she was going to do the night prior, a loud knocking on the front door startled all three girls' from where they'd been sat on the sofa with their morning coffees. Nicky took a moment to roll her eyes up on the ceiling then back over onto the front door where said obnoxious knocking originated from. It was either the Chapmans' on the other side of it or the police—maybe that damn CPS lady, even. Regardless of who Nicky didn't budge an inch.
Instead it was Alex who cautiously got off of the couch and slowly made her way to the door. She hadn't even put her hand on the knob yet but saw it jiggling about. Eyebrows scrunched distastefully over her eyes. Who the hell did the person on the other side of that door think they fucking were? She already didn't like whoever the person was. However, she swallowed down her contempt and reached for the knob to slowly open it. When she did so, she found herself being pushed back by the violent force of the unfamiliar woman who forced her way in immediately.
"Excuse me," Alex yelled out, turning around once she'd picked herself back up from the floor and glaring heatedly at the lengthy brown-haired woman now hovering above the spot where Lorna was seated. "Who the fuck do ya think you are coming in my damn house the way ya just did? And what the hell are ya doing standing by my friend lookin' at her like she's some kinda criminal? You're not a police officer."
She may not have been a police officer, Lorna uncomfortably swallowed, but she sure as fuck wasn't much better in this particular instance. Her legs squeezed together as she bowed her head so she didn't have to look into Mrs. Figueroa's beady eyes. Eyes that certainly weren't a fan of her. No, they didn't like Lorna one bit. Hell, Lorna thought, she was likely only there to take her to juvie like she'd warned at the hospital. Hands nervously fell into her lap and busied themselves with the material of the pajama pants she was wearing.
"I'm here to take your little delinquent friend here to juvie," the brown-haired woman curtly informed her, throwing a dark stare Alex's way before focusing back on Lorna.
"Delinquent?" Alex repeated in disbelief. Her head shook spitefully at such a word. A word that didn't truthfully depict Lorna in even the slightest. She folded her arms defensively over her chest not once looking away from the lady. "And what the hell did she do that's so bad? Come to a friend's house because her fucking foster parents are forcing her to fucking donate her liver to a person who hurt her?"
Mrs. Figueroa said nothing only roughly grabbed onto Lorna's arm and yanked her off the sofa. "If you can't obey an order, you go to juvie."
Chapter 109
Notes:
Previously I had thought the next chapter would be the last one, however, I was wrong as I so often am haha. I have written three chapter lengths longer and I still can't get to a place where I can wrap up the story so, I have decided I will add one more chapter and both the next one and the chapter after (which will be the real 110th chapter) will be about the length of my normal two chapters (which is about 10,000 words since I keep each normal chapter at 5,000 words). Okay, honestly, the final chapter (knowing me) will probably end up longer than what the next chapter is. I'm sorry for all the confusion, I really have no idea what I'm doing. Anyway, thank you to anyone who's still here reading this mess of a story of mine :) I appreciate that so much!
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred Eight
The anger from the evening before came back with a vengeance now. Nicky violently got up off of the sofa and rapidly made her way up behind the CPS lady and Lorna to stop them from exiting out of the house. She slid her way in front to guard them from access to that damned door. Arms crossed bitterly across her chest as her brown eyes scoped over Mrs. Figueroa in a vehement manner. The whole situation was completely, utterly fucking insane to her. How the fuck did Lorna's leaving the Chapman's house warrant a stay in a juvenile delinquent center? Lorna was anything except a damn delinquent.
Each second longer in which Nicky's eyes dawdled on Mrs. Figueroa the more her anger intensified. She chewed harshly on the side of her mouth to contain said anger as best she could. Acting on her impulse wouldn't do a thing to improve the predicament. It would likely only cause her a stay in juvie as well. And, though she wanted to be there with Lorna, if they were both in juvie she couldn't reach out to Lorna's therapist like she'd planned. However, that didn't stop her from glaring distastefully at the brown-haired adult. The way she had her hand so uncomfortably tight around Lorna's arm made Nicky's skin crawl.
"You're hurting her arm; let the fuck go of it," she seethed through gritted teeth. It didn't bother her one bit that she was giving an order to an authority figure. No one had the right to use such blatant force on her beloved Lorna. And she wasn't going to just stand there and allow it to continue. Not when she could easily see how much pain and discomfort the violent grip was causing Lorna from the way her cherub face contorted.
She felt the anger gradually shifting into rage when her words seemed to have fallen on deaf ears. Lorna's face only further scrunched up from the obvious pain she was in. "Lorna is the innocent one in this shit and you're fucking treating her like dirt. The same way her asshat of a father did who's the fucking reason she's in this mess to begin with. Fucking let the fuck go of her arm now," her voice roared with venom. "And I don't care if you're the damn CPS lady in charge or whatever, you're fucking hurting my girlfriend and I'm not gonna let you do that. I thought CPS was supposed to fucking care about kids like Lorna? You sure don't care. You care more about those stupid fucking Chapmans than my sweet Lorna."
Mrs. Figueroa rolled her eyes and ignored the request—rather demand from the unruly teenager in front of her. She scoffed at the absurdity she was displaying. "Kid huh? Lorna's fifteen—she's old enough to know right from wrong now. And she's closer to an adult than she is a child, anyway. Besides she knew damn well if she refused to stay put with Mr. and Mrs. Chapman that she'd earn herself a ticket to juvie. And there isn't anything you can do about that, young lady. You better watch it or you'll be joining her."
Rage boiled under Nicky's skin. Eyes darkened as they retained their heated stare on the woman across from her. "Fifteen is a kid, what kind of an idiot are you? I don't care if ya throw me in there too, I'm not gonna stand here and watch ya treat Lorna the way ya are. You shouldn't even be allowed to call yourself a CPS person since you're just as abusive to Lorna as her fucking father," she shouted, not able to contain her anger for much longer.
Alex retreated from her seat as well and threw a serious glance Nicky's way mutedly telling her to keep quiet.
The stare did not go unnoticed by Nicky. She sighed and placed a hand on either side of her hips. Of course it was in her best interest to stop before she ended up getting herself sent away too. There wouldn't be any good coming out of her locked away in juvie, too, she knew. No matter how enticing it was to continue yelling and shouting at the blatantly disrespectful CPS worker. She needed to reach out to Lorna's therapist and if she happened to be contained in a detention center she would have no way to go through with doing that.
So, with a heavy amount of resistance, Nicky sucked in a breath and refrained from any further yelling. Her head, however, shook profusely as she kept a firm glare on the woman.
Thankful Nicky abided by her nonverbal request, Alex made her way over and grabbed a hold of Nicky's arm to gently pull her away with. She gave a distasteful glance at Mrs. Figueroa albeit moving Nicky out of the way. "Even though I agree with my friend, here, I'm not letting ya throw her in juvie too. Lorna shouldn't be going to begin with but obviously you have some real messed up rules, huh? How long are ya gonna force her to stay there, anyway?"
"She'll stay until we find a new placement for her. The Chapmans have had enough of her rebellious behavior and quite frankly so have I. And I've had enough of all her little friends' and family's attitudes as well. No wonder she's displaying this delinquent defiance look at the role models she has," Mrs. Figueroa spoke calmly though a faint smirk shaped on her face.
Simultaneously, Nicky and Alex both rubbed their hands irritatingly over their own faces. Nicky once again threw her hands up in the air and shook them angrily about. Eyes darkened even more as they stared daggers ahead into Mrs. Figueroa's. "A new fucking placement? Why the fuck can't ya just let her go back with her sister? For fuck's sake her sister can take care a her better than any stupid foster family can and the Chapmans' just proved that," she cried out, slamming her hands together in the air where she held them.
"Hmm, her sister? The same sister who had knowledge of the alleged abuse and said nothing? Yeah, she's sure qualified to be a guardian to Lorna. The whole Morello posse is messed up and that's why your friend—"
"Lorna is my girlfriend," Nicky bitterly interjected the woman.
Mrs. Figueroa laughed and waved a hand at her. "Friend, girlfriend, whatever. The point is she's a delinquent because of the family she comes from. I can assure you the judge will not be granting custody of her to Miss Francine. She's lucky they haven't come for her son yet."
The silence Lorna had kept throughout the entire ordeal had now come to a fury end. She could hardly believe her ears. The nerve Mrs. Figueroa had to talk about her older sister the way she just did cut right into Lorna's heart. It took everything in her to keep her cool in that moment. If she had an outburst like she'd felt the need to do, she knew that would only worsen her consequences. However, that didn't mean she was going to stand there and not say anything.
Her mouth opened but all which occurred was air bombarding in through the open orifice. She closed it for a moment, taking the time to clear her throat and formulate a response that wouldn't cause her worse punishment. "I don't really care if ya say bad things about me or nothin' but ya ain't got no right to call my sista anything," Lorna hurled out, having to bite down on her tongue between words to keep from yelling. Yelling would surely dig her grave deeper. "Franny is a good mom and a real good sista and I'd much rather live with her than a bunch a strangers who only take kids in for the money. And I hope you get fired one day cause ya ain't got a good heart, Miss Figueroa. You're cold—a real cold lady. You need prayed for."
"That's Mrs. Figueroa, young lady. And the only one who's needing prayed for is you; you're one screw loose from needing to be sent to a psych ward. Now that's enough, we need to get outta here. I have other families to visit, with children who actually have a grateful bone in their bodies."
Not another word was able to be exchanged between any of them with how sharply Mrs. Figueroa pulled open the door and shoved Lorna out of it with her. She quickly slammed it shut behind her so the other girls on the other side of it couldn't hold them back any longer.
Nicky's eyes saw nothing but red. Pure, dark, deep shades of red. Shades of red she wished was the blood of Mrs. Figueroa after she'd finished stabbing her with a steak knife. Her lower lip inverted under her top one and she dug her teeth roughly into the flesh of it. Something needed to be done about this. Lorna didn't deserve to be sent to a delinquent center for something as pitiful as not wanting to remain in a house with people who clearly hadn't want her there.
Making a phone call to Dr. Washington's office wasn't sufficient she determined. No, she needed to go there and talk to the therapist in person. Surely, she thought, Poussey could do something to fix this more so than she or Alex or Franny could. Her head turned around and she fixed her eyes onto Alex. "Ya wanna go on a short road trip with me, Vause?" She asked, quirking an eyebrow her way. She'd rather not go to the office on her own she had just now decided in her mind.
"Where to, kid? Tell me you're not still wanting to go to the Chapman's are ya? If that's the answer then no," Alex firmly stated. Eyes returned Nicky's stare with a rather stern one of her own. While she wholly understood why Nicky would want to pay them a visit out of the desire to seek revenge on them for what they've caused to happen to Lorna, Alex certainly hadn't been okay with enabling such behavior. Fighting fire with fire never ended well for anyone involved.
"I still want to do that but no, that's not what I meant. I thought it might be a better idea if we drive to Lorna's therapist's office and talk in person with her about everything. It'd just be a whole lot easier than tryna explain it all over the phone, ya know?"
A sigh came from Alex's windpipe. She nodded her head slowly. That was a wise suggestion, she thought to herself. Maybe they could strategize with the therapist on a legal way to help Lorna. And possibly a legal way to get the Chapmans in trouble for trying to force an unwanted/unneeded medical procedure on Lorna, too.
She walked over to the coat rack on the side of the door and grabbed her coat along with her car keys which were hanging on the wall next to it. After pulling the coat onto each of her arms, Alex turned back to face Nicky. A hand was raised up and motioned in the air for Nicky to follow her. "Fine, but I'll drive. I don't trust you to. Now come on and I hope ya have the address cause I don't know where it is," she told her while leading the way out of her house. Once she witnessed Nicky come out after her, she used her key to secure the door shut.
They both quickly walked the few feet down the sidewalk to where Alex's car was parked on the side of the road directly in front of the curb of her house. Nicky got in on the passenger side while Alex got in the driver's side. Alex set the key in the ignition and turned it to start the vehicle. The car rapidly roared to life and the pair started the twenty minute journey to Doctor Washington's outpatient clinic.
Clacking her fingers along the keys of her keyboard, Poussey hadn't noticed the sound of the door to her office opening or her assistant's voice calling out to her until she felt the person hovering right at the edge of her desk. She took note of subtle breathing and finally turned her attention away from the monitor she was looking at and over onto the culprit of said breathing. When her eyes determined the breathing to be coming from her assistant, she gave a friendly smile along with a slight wave.
"Doctor Washington," the assistant called out now that she happened to have her attention. "There's a couple of young ladies out in the waiting area claiming they need to talk to you. I told them by appointment only but they insist this is an emergency. One of them said her name is Nicky or something, that you know her? Do you want me to send them away?"
Scrunching her face slightly Poussey shook her head and again waved a hand in the younger woman's direction. "No, no. You can send them to me, Cindy. Thank you," she told her then watched as Cindy went right back through the door she had only minutes earlier came inside of. While waiting for the arrival of Nicky and whoever the girl she was with, Poussey stared ponderously down onto her desk's wooden surface. A few of her fingers she tapped delicately against it, wondering what could possibly be the reason for Nicky's coming to her clinic. And she became even more ponderous after hearing that instead of Lorna being with her there was another person. Something was blatantly up and hopefully she'd get to the bottom of whatever that happened to be.
By time she had been interrupted a second time—this time being due to Nicky and the unfamiliar woman behind her walking in the door—the time listed on the bottom of her computer's screen read nine o'clock. Poussey peered at the two with a friendly smile but with wonderment oozing from her brown eyes. "Nicky, what can I do for you? Is Lorna okay, why isn't she with you and who's your friend?" It was after she had asked the questions that Poussey realized she'd probably asked too many at once.
The anger had substantially lessened since the car ride from Alex's house to Lorna's therapists' office. That hadn't meant it dissipated completely but Nicky didn't desire to physically assault anyone at this current moment. She swallowed the gathered saliva felt at the tip of her mouth and gritted down her teeth at all the thoughts which instantly swirled right back to the front of her mind. All the fucking shit that had happened in only the past twenty-four hours.
"I need your help to help Lorna," Nicky informed her and went to sit down after receiving a hand gesture from Doctor Washington to do so.
Without a word, Alex followed suit and sat down right beside Nicky. She folded her hands in her lap, eyes darting between the two others.
Crossing a leg over her other, Nicky took in a breath and tilted her head slightly to glance at the black-haired woman sitting next to her. Temporarily, her lips curved upward into a slight smile. But quickly the smile faded into a frown when the memory of what they were currently dealing with came back to the forefront of her mind. "This is mine and Lorna's good friend, Alex. She's here because she knows if she didn't come with me, I'd act on my anger and go after the Chapmans personally," she couldn't resist the faint chuckle that forced its way through.
Poussey gave a knowing nod Nicky's way before momentarily glancing beside her at Alex. She looked her over for a minute and then opened her mouth to verbally greet her, "Nice to meet you, Alex. You look kinda familiar—do ya happen to work at the coffee shop in the hospital? I swear I've gotten a couple of coffees from you there."
Alex nodded with a small chuckle. Eyes returning the therapist's stare rather easily. And as she did stare back at her, she could effortlessly recognize the woman from the few times she'd ordered a coffee at the hospital's coffee shop. "I do, every Monday and Wednesday morning. Yeah, I think I remember you. Get a lotta doctors and psychologists'' ordering coffees at the hospital—can't blame ya for needing caffeine with the long hours you all probably work, huh?"
"It's not as bad for me now but god back when I was still in medical school, I lived on caffeine. Probably drank up to six cups a day," Poussey nodded her head as a light-hearted laugh followed right after.
Her throat cleared and rapidly the joking demeanor vanished, now in its place was a somber one. Attention was gradually shifted back onto Nicky, who sat rather impatiently in her seat. Poussey sighed and refocused her reading glasses appropriately on her face. "I take it something's going on between Lorna and her foster family? Must be pretty significant if you're wanting to take your anger out on them, huh?"
That was an incredible understatement, Nicky muttered in her mind. Legs fidgeted uncomfortably the longer she stayed in her incessantly running mind. After finding out Mrs. Chapman was planning on consenting to having Lorna's body cut into all Nicky wanted was to find her and shank her. The hell kind of a person would ever make a decision that was so detrimental to their own foster child? Nicky gritted her teeth harder and shook her head spitefully. She couldn't wrap her brain around it. It was incomprehensible to her. Beyond incomprehensible.
"Oh you could say that, alright," Nicky muttered bitterly. Hands rested in her lap, smashed together to keep from doing anything else. Or rather, to keep herself from getting up and going back to the car to commit any regretful acts of violence towards Carol. "Her foster family—or really her foster fake ass mother is basically signing documents to force Lorna into fucking donating her liver to her abusive piece of shit fucktard of a father. So, forgive me if I have the desire to find Mrs. Chapman and choke the hell outta her right now."
Poussey listened intently to everything Nicky said, head shaking profusely by the end of her spiel. She could barely believe her ears. How could this family make a decision so lightly? How could they decide on giving consent without even thinking it over for more than a measly second? She brought a hand up to the side of her head and rubbed puzzlingly over her temple. None of what was said was comprehendible to her. Did these people not see how utterly frail and malnourished their foster child was? Did they not see how close to the brink of death she happened to be? That this dangerous procedure could very well take Lorna's life away. And to what? To save a man who was the entire reason she was living with the foster family to begin with. The whole thing was insane.
The only thing Poussey could do to keep from allowing any irrational emotions out was to busy herself with fixing a fresh pot of coffee. As she waited for it to brew, she noticed she was becoming more like her client, Lorna. Coffee was certainly not the best idea in a situation such as the one at hand but, yet, Poussey found herself craving it fiercely. Maybe Lorna had a point—something about coffee had the capability of being soothing. Whether it was the smell or the sound of it dripping into the pot, it didn't matter. It was just the thought of coffee that randomly calmed Poussey at this particular point in time.
Eyes shifted over onto Nicky, who remained flustered and agitated in her spot. Maybe a cup might also be in Nicky's best interest she mentally decided. The coffee dripped its last couple of droplets into the pot and within a matter of seconds Poussey's attention was right back on the dark shade of liquid. She picked her empty traveler cup up from where it had rested near her monitor and brought it over to the coffee maker, setting it down right next to it. Hands grasped around the pot and carefully lifted it so she could easily pour it into her mug. When she was done and the vessel placed back under the filter, she slowly sipped her cup of coffee and then set it where it had previously resided.
Two of the disposable traveler cups were taken from their stack on the shelf below where the coffee pot occupied. Poussey turned around and glanced across at the younger girls sat on the small sofa. "Either of you care for a coffee? I just made a fresh pot of it," she informed them, gesturing her hand towards the very item.
Nicky nodded graciously, rubbing her hands up and down her face to alleviate some of the unrelenting rage. Coffee wouldn't be a beverage she'd advise Lorna to have at a time like this but she sure as hell would allow herself one. "Yes, I would really care for a cup right now. We didn't have time to finish ours thanks to a lovely visit from a real pleasurable CPS lady first thing this morning," she didn't even try to stifle the eye roll she made. There was no reason for her to do so; she loathed that woman merely as much as Mr. Morello and Mrs. Chapman, she didn't care if the whole world knew such a fact.
"I'd like a cup too, please," Alex chimed in a little quieter than Nicky had. She swallowed a rather large volume of saliva and gave a secure squeeze to the hand of Nicky's she had been holding.
With a quick smile, Poussey nodded to the pair of them and hurriedly poured them each a disposable cup of coffee. She had a cup in each of her hands and out of not wanting to spill either one, she chose to walk out from behind her desk and handed the cups to the girls that way. The smile on her face soon faded when she finally allowed Nicky's revelation to soak into her brain. Eyebrows scrunched above her eyes as she peered attentively onto the redhead teenager.
"What's this about the CPS lady? Is that why Lorna's not here with you?" Doctor Washington gently interrogated, situating herself back on her chair that she maneuvered closer to the rim of her desk. Her hand curled around the handle of her traveler coffee cup gradually lifting it up to her mouth for a savoring sip of the warm liquid.
At the same time Nicky cradled her hand around the paper material of her cup and raised it to her lips for a sip as well. The warmth from her mouth to her throat left her with a soothing sensation. Temporarily taking her mind off all of the shit that had all occurred within the span of the past twenty-four hours. However, once she was satisfied with the sip and had placed the cup onto the coffee table right in front of the sofa, all of that shit came whirling to the surface yet again.
She held her hands on each side of her forehead, massaging them quite violently atop her temples. The movement didn't ease away the thoughts as she had hoped it would. A breath of air came up through her windpipe. She crossed her leg over the other one and rested her hands in her lap. Head shook distastefully while her eyes focused ahead on a random spot on the wall. "She came barging into Alex's house claiming Lorna's a criminal because she wasn't at the Chapman's house last night. Can ya believe that horse shit, Dr. Poussey?"
Another few sips of coffee were taken by Poussey upon hearing the explanation given. Her face remained scrunched up while she tried to make sense of it. There had to be more to this story, she thought. Nicky—she grew to learn—sometimes happened to only hear the things she wanted to hear when it came to Lorna. Or, rather, she heard things that may have been embellished a bit by her mind. Regardless, she still needed more information in repute to the CPS worker and Lorna.
"Okay, why don't you tell me what exactly happened? Did she truly call Lorna a criminal or is that just want your feelings want you to think, Nicky?"
Nicky's eyebrows arched up as did her arms arch up and fold in over her chest. "What my feelings want me to think?" She repeated with a slight scoff. The hell kind of question was that, she irritatingly thought. "That's the most therapist thing I've ever heard."
Shoulders recoiled up against the flesh of her jaw. Poussey mirrored Nicky's position and slightly shifted her eyes up while staring at her. Reading glasses were raised back to the bridge of her nose by her thumb. "Well, Nicky, I am a therapist. And I've talked with ya long enough to know how you are when it comes to Lorna. So, I'm gonna need you to tell me exactly what happened this morning with Lorna and the CPS worker. Think you can do that without letting your anger control you?"
Sipping on her own coffee right beside Nicky, Alex peered at her when she heard the question being asked of Nicky by the therapist. It was a valid question because she knew Nicky's talking about the situation was mere impossible for her to do without the rage boiling over and trying to take control of what she said or the decisions she chose to make.
"I can't promise anything," Nicky admitted, throwing her hands up in emphasis. She sighed, shifting a bit in her seat, and gradually brought her eyes down onto her lap. The anger did claim a hold over her but when it came to Lorna and Lorna's safety Nicky couldn't careless what she did to help her. Lorna was everything to her and she refused to just let things fucking happen. They all did that for way too long which was half the reason why Lorna was in the situation she was in now.
Eyes averted onto the coffee table in front of her when she heard the sound of Alex's cup being set onto its surface. The movement easily encouraged her to reach for her own; she cradled it in her hand, bringing it back to her lap. No sip was taken but she let her hand nurse it between her two thighs. Something about just holding it seemed comforting to her. "The CPS lady barged in Alex's house and yanked Lorna rudely up, sayin' some bullshit about she couldn't obey an order and was being thrown in juvie. She kept fuckin' callin' Lorna a delinquent, acting like Lorna did some evil thing when all she did was choose to spend the night at a friend's house. It's bullshit."
A pause was taken so that Nicky could collect herself. Hell, there wasn't enough time in the world for her to fully do that. The anger she had for not only that god-awful Mrs. Figueroa but also the Chapmans was unimaginable. It was so intense, so fierce, she couldn't completely express just how much. They may not have been physically causing harm to Lorna like her father had done but what they were doing made them exactly as evil as he was. She gritted her teeth together at the mere thought.
"The nerve that stupid fucking bitch has to say all that about Lorna makes me want to shake her until she passes the hell out. Why would anyone wanna stay in a house where they know no one really wants them there? Seriously is this CPS lady an idiot? All she did was defend the Chapmans and it's probably because they're rich. They're probably paying her off. They all have something against Lorna and I don't fucking understand why—Lorna is the most innocent person I've ever met. The fuck is wrong with all these people? Everyone just treats Lorna like she's discardable and I'm gettin' real sick of it, Dr. Poussey. How do I stop this bullshit?"
A sigh made its way through Doctor Washington's airway. Her demeanor rapidly grew more and more solemn. She couldn't stop from incessantly shaking her head at Nicky's disclosure. What was going on with Lorna made her chest ache. That girl suffered through more things in one week than the majority of her patients' endured in an entire lifetime. It wasn't fair for one person to have to deal with so much. For a person as young as Lorna, no less.
She lifted a hand up to her forehead and cautiously pushed back her headband which had slightly fallen over the edge. "I don't recommend shaking the CPS woman. I understand why you feel like doing that, of course, but shaking her wouldn't solve the issue I'm afraid. So, she took Lorna from Alex's house to a juvenile center? And the only reason she did this was because Lorna spent the night at Alex's house instead of the Chapmans'?" Saying it out loud only made it seem even more ludicrous to Poussey's ears. There was no logic in that reasoning whatsoever. It wasn't a wonder why Nicky appeared utterly furious right now.
"Yes, exactly. And ya wanna know the reason?" Nicky quirked an eyebrow.
Poussey nodded, "Please continue."
Nicky sucked in her lower lip and huffed out an exaggerated breath. "Mrs. Chapman told Lorna to her face that she's signing consent forms that will fucking allow medical professionals to put my girlfriend through a dangerous fucking procedure that could easily take her life away."
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred Nine
"And the stupid, inconsiderate, CPS lady says Lorna's a delinquent for running away from the Chapman's house after that," Nicky threw up her hand in disgust. Her head shook violently; forehead fumed from the intensity of the rage coursing through her veins, her blood. To say she held contempt for Mrs. Figueroa would be a hefty understatement. There needed to be an entirely new word invented to describe what she felt towards that woman. And especially for what she felt towards Mrs. Chapman. Her hit list was getting bigger by the day she deemed. The more people who brought harm to her Lorna the longer her list grew.
It was unjust what was being done to Lorna. Unfair, unjust, and absolutely not okay. Nicky shook her head fiercer, let her feet press roughly into the floorboards beneath them. Her teeth dug into the flesh of her tongue as she tried to keep from losing what small amount of sanity was left inside of her. "Lorna called me last evening, she was in some secluded trail in the woods. She was so upset over the shit decision the Chapman's were making for her that she ran to the woods to get away from them. And the CPS witch had the damn fucking nerve to stand there and call Lorna a criminal? Because she couldn't stand to be in the house with people who were signing her up for more pain? Are ya kiddin' me? The real criminals here are those three imbeciles. All of them are incompetent idiots. I don't understand how they can get away with what they're doing but my sweet, innocent, girlfriend has to spend her days in a delinquent center. Make that make fucking sense. Does it make any sense to you, Dr. Poussey?" Nicky tilted her head and arched an eyebrow.
The longer Nicky spoke on the matter the more worked up she got. That much was effortless for Poussey to pick up on. And the more she heard about the situation from Nicky the stronger the pang in her chest revved up. She sighed and swallowed. It was getting clearer with Lorna's dilemma just how corrupted the child protective system was in Poussey's eyes. The people who were supposed to be helping and keeping Lorna safe were the ones continuously putting her directly in harm's way. CPS was meant to look out for Lorna's well-being but by what Nicky was describing, it appeared the only well-being CPS was looking out for was their own as well as the Chapman's. It was no wonder why so many of her adolescent patients' who were in the system despised it so much. Nobody was truly protecting them like they should.
"First of all, Lorna is in absolutely no condition to be undergoing any kind of medical procedure. How did the Chapmans even hear of this transplant? I didn't think Lorna shared it with them. There's a lot of things that don't make sense here, Nicky. And I'm really sorry how much all of this is upsetting you. It's not easy watching a person you love go through so much."
Nicky nodded her agreement to her girlfriend's therapists' statement. Lorna certainly hadn't been in any condition to be forced to undergo an operation that could possibly take her life, especially from how evidently malnourished she was. At least someone was on her side with that. She wasn't the only person with a rational head on her shoulder—more like a subjectively rational head at times. But when it came to Lorna, she deemed her head as wholly rational. She needed to be rational for Lorna because Lorna wasn't always rational.
A hand was raised up and used to slick back thick strands of her red hair. Eyes peered onto the surface of the coffee table situated in front of the sofa she and Alex sat on. Her coffee cup sat on a coaster on top of it, which she hadn't touched for several minutes now that she realized it. She reached a hand across to scoop it up with and brought it over and up to her lips for a distracting sip. The same distractions she witnessed Lorna use as a way to avoid tough conversations were the same she was using now to ward off some of the fury.
"Exactly what I was thinkin' when I heard the nonsense about the idiotic Chapman's going and signing whatever stupid documents they're signing to allow the even more idiotic doctors to cut into Lorna's body," Nicky said through gritted teeth once she had a few good sips of the coffee still grasped securely in her hands. She shook her head at the preposterousness of it all.
She inhaled a sharp breath and waved her other hand in the air. It was beyond her how the fucking Chapmans' found out about the whole ordeal. There was blatantly no way Lorna mentioned it to them nor any of Lorna's siblings and she sure as fuck didn't say a word to those imbeciles. However they fucking found out was a mystery to them all. A frustrating mystery at that. If she ever learned who the culprit was for this she'd make the person pay no matter what lengths she had to go to make sure of it. Nobody got away with harming her Lorna in any way shape or form.
Air whistled its way from her throat. She switched the positioning of her legs and set the traveler cup back on the coaster she had earlier retrieved it from. "I have no fucking idea how they found about the liver transplant but god I fucking wish I did. Whoever let it slip to the Chapmans, they're fucking lucky I don't know who they are because if I did I'd make their lives miserable. I swear to god I would. I hate anyone who hurts Lorna, I really fucking do. Because Lorna is the sweetest fucking person and there's no reason for anyone to treat her the terrible way she's been treated," Nicky cried out, hysteria gradually overcoming her.
Nicky held a lot of anger inside of her. Probably enough for herself and for Lorna Poussey had observed over the several appointments she had had with the two girls. Lorna hardly ever displayed anger and if she did the anger was mostly with herself. Hardly ever did she witness Lorna display anger towards the people who were truly the cause of her pain. Because to everyone aside from Lorna it was clear Lorna blamed herself for the majority of her issues when really none of what happened to her was due to anything of her own accord.
"You have a knack for revenge, don't you?" Poussey queried having placed her reading glasses back against the bridge of her nose. She eyed the redhead intently, watching her body language rather closely. Nicky couldn't be more opposite of Lorna if she tried. While Lorna believed she was the root cause of all the issues taking place in her life, Nicky was busy plotting how to take down the people who had chosen to harm Lorna out of their own sick pleasures.
Having sat there quietly for the majority of the time they'd been in Doctor Washington's office, Alex couldn't resist the chuckle that had escaped her instantly upon hearing the question directed at her best friend. She nodded her head profusely in response to it even though it was meant for Nicky to answer. "Nicky's always looking for revenge. I mean just last night she was begging me to drive her to the Chapmans' house with the pot a coffee I'd just brewed so she could pour it on Mrs. Chapman," Alex chimed her way into the conversation. She turned her head and grimaced slightly when she saw the daggered stare Nicky was giving her.
A sigh broke up her spiel. She reached a hand over and placed it gently onto one of Nicky's, giving it a friendly squeeze which she hoped would lessen the heated look she was receiving from her. "Now, I mean, course' I can see why she'd wanna do that to her but I wouldn't allow her to go through with it. Actions have consequences, ya know? And as much as Mrs. Chapman deserves to be served up some karma for what she's willing to put Lorna through doesn't mean I'd let Nicky do something stupid."
Clasping her hands together, Poussey nodded in Alex's direction. It was a good thing Lorna and Nicky had a friend like Alex in their lives; she was of rational thinking, something the two teens seemed to lack at times when it was most required. She took a sip of her coffee and snuffled in a breath. "Nicky, you have a wise friend here. You need to remember that when you're thinking about acting on impulses for revenge," she shifted her eyes onto Nicky, holding up a finger and faintly wagging it in her direction. "Actions have consequences. That's the difference between thinking something in your head and acting on it out here," her finger made a circle in the air as she said that.
Nicky scoffed at that. "Hmm, yeah? Well then where are the fucking consequences for the Chapmans'? Or that stupid Figueroa bitch? Or are they allowed to do whatever they want because they're rich?" Bitterness oozed through the tone of her voice. Bitterness for all of the people she spoke of. All people who only continued to escalate Lorna's suffering. A girl who had a bigger heart than all three of those incompetent fools put together. Nicky inverted her lower lip and shook her head.
Poussey frowned and matched the movement of Nicky's head with the shaking of her own. "Figueroa? You mean Natalie Figueroa?" She pondered, an eyebrow arched. She watched as Nicky shrugged her shoulders and then slumped them back. Clearly she didn't know and by her demeanor was in no mood to care about not knowing either. Who was she to fault her for that? She certainly didn't. Nicky had a lot on her plate witnessing all the shit going down with Lorna and now not even having a plain idea of where Lorna was residing.
"Well, anyway, she used to work here in the practice but then she got a job as a social worker for the child protective system. I don't know how she managed to get that but she did. Mrs. Figueroa is a cold person, I always got an eerie vibe from her when she worked here. Tell me exactly what she said before she took Lorna away, okay? I'll write it down and see if I can't get in touch with the agency she works for. At least that'll give us a chance to get something done about her, yeah? And as for the Chapmans, we'll have to see what's going on with Lorna first. If their custody of her has been revoked then you won't have to worry about them signing anything, okay?"
"And what if their custody hasn't been revoked? Then what? Do we just fucking sit and let Lorna get cut into? Possibly let her die from the greed of her father? The selfishness of Mrs. Chapman?" Nicky interrogated right back. She hadn't meant to sound as spiteful as she had but the more they discussed any of this the more she felt her blood boiling from her own rage.
Alex pressed the palm of her hand soothingly into the flesh of the arm she had it resting on top of. Over and over she rubbed her palm up and down against it in the hopes of bringing some sort of comfort to Nicky.
Air expelled from Nicky's lungs but her fury remained just as intense as before Alex's hand began rubbing along her arm. The only thing she could think about was getting pay back on those who were responsible for Lorna's current predicament. She hated that Lorna was put away somewhere while the people who hurt her were going about their lives as if they hadn't done a damn thing wrong.
"We'll worry about that if the time comes, Nicky. I'm on Lorna's side just as much as you are here, okay? You don't have to worry about that. I'm here to help Lorna, and if it turns out the Chapmans remain having custody over her then I will make sure I get in contact with them and the doctors' to explain how poor Lorna's physical health is. I promise Lorna won't be forced into a procedure she's not fit for. I won't allow it," Poussey firmly assured the fuming redhead.
The drive from Alex's house to whatever facility Mrs. Figueroa was taking her to felt like a century to Lorna. The entire car ride was uncomfortable and stale. She could only breathe with her window down and the second Mrs. Figueroa caught sight of that Lorna was forced to close it right back up. As much as she couldn't stand the idea of being put into a detention center at least being in there would mean she'd get the hell away from Mrs. Figueroa and her stale ass car. And of course it would get her the fuck away from Mrs. Chapman, too.
However, once she felt the car pulling into a parking spot and stopping, what small amount of relief she had momentarily experienced had now vanished. She shifted her eyes away from the window they had previously been gazing out of and onto Mrs. Figueroa who was busy gathering her things so that she could properly exit the vehicle. Lorna didn't budge until she felt a harsh tap on her shoulder. Without one more second passing by Lorna unfastened her seatbelt, pushed open her door, and bolted out of the car. There was a temptation within her to bolt more than just the two inches from the car like she had currently done. She looked to the right of her and saw a trail that led away into a tree-latent path. It was enticing for her to look at, she desired heavily to run in said direction but she refrained with an intense amount of resistance. If she had gone through with her desire she knew she would only cause herself worse consequences with Mrs. Figueroa.
She couldn't imagine what further consequences she'd have faced if she did go through with bolting into that trail leading away from the parking lot. What could be worse than juvie? Hell, what could be worse than having to give a part of her liver to the man who got her into this mess to begin with? Not much, she thought. Well, maybe having to live with her uncle George but she wouldn't have to worry about that happening now. She was about to walk into a detention center for juvenile delinquents like herself. At least she'd be safe from people comparable to her father and Uncle George. And she'd even be safe from Annalisa…unless Annalisa was somehow there, too.
The thought of Annalisa instantly made Lorna shudder. She kept her head down and silently followed behind Mrs. Figueroa until they entered the inside of the building. Immediately upon entrance, a wave of cold came over Lorna and the shuddering only intensified. It was colder inside than it was outside she realized while rubbing her arms up and down her body to retain as much heat as was possible. They continued walking a good few minutes before stopping again. This time when they stopped it was in front of what appeared to be a check-in desk of sorts.
Mrs. Figueroa lifted the clipboard from the desk's surface and wrote down the required information of her. When she finished writing she set the item back where she found it and the doors straight ahead of them loudly opened up.
The screeching from the big set of doors opening had Lorna quickly reaching both hands up to cover her ears. It certainly hadn't been a pleasant sound to hear. Nothing about this damn building was pleasant. It was plainer than the high school, and that place was one of the plainest places she had ever been. She didn't think there could be a plainer place but being here now proved her wrong.
Grabbing a bit too firmly onto Lorna's arm, Mrs. Figueroa used the grip on her to pull her through the open doorway. Once the doors swung closed, and the lock latched on, only then did she release her grasp. She turned momentarily to look the young girl over, a stern expression melded onto her face while she did so. "Follow behind me. And, there's no use trying to run away; those doors are sealed lock and can only be opened by staff with a key card," she told her, a faint smirk displaying from her curved up lips.
Lorna swallowed a thick lump, twisting her head to glance longingly back at that very door mentioned. Her bottom lip trembled a bit and the second Lorna noticed she sucked it inside her mouth right under the top one. She couldn't cry. Not here in a prison for children, that would only make her look weak. Would only make her an easy target for bullying just like she was at school. Being bullied at school was one thing but to be bullied at a children's prison? She couldn't imagine how worse it would be in there. Most of the kids in this place were likely the school bullies and if they all ganged up on her she'd surely be a dead person.
"Please let me go back. I promise I'll stay with Chapmans' from now on, I swear," she pleadingly cried out, reaching her hands up onto the material of Mrs. Figueroa's jacket. Eyes peered widely up into the woman's hoping for some sort of sympathy but instead all she was met with was Mrs. Figueroa's normal cold glare. The cold glare that was exactly like the one she received from Mrs. Chapman. Maybe the two of them were created from the same mold.
A chuckle whistled from Mrs. Figueroa's throat the second she heard Lorna's pleading. She stopped from walking and turned around to stare at her, folding her arms over her chest. If Lorna thought she believed a word that came out of her mouth she was certainly mistaken. Mrs. Figueroa wasn't dumb and naïve like the teen before her was. She wouldn't fall for any lies Lorna spewed out in desperation. "Oh, now, you wanna listen and stay with them? Because now you see where disobedience gets you, huh? Well, it's a little too late for that. The Chapmans can't afford to keep you anymore and until some other family decides they can, you're gonna have to just stay right here in juvie. With all the other disobedient little girls who refused to listen. Except these girls did a lot worse than not staying with their foster parents," she tauntingly informed her, the sneer on her face widening. She bent down slightly so that she could make certain Lorna heard her clearly, "You better watch yourself in here, Lorna, these girls can smell weakness from a mile away. And I'm not responsible if anything bad happens to you."
After making multiple phone calls upon the departure of Nicky and Alex just an hour ago, Poussey was finally able to locate the facility where Lorna happened to be taken to. She wrote it down on a piece of notebook paper which she then threw into the front pocket of her handbag hanging on its hook right on the side of her desk. Eyes darted onto her cup of coffee and within seconds her hands were cupping around it, she lifted the cup to her lips and finished off the little bit of liquid that was left.
She fixed her glance on the clock she had placed above the door to her office and was thankful to see it was just about noon. That meant the rest of her patients she had to meet with for the day were at the hospital which happened to be only a few blocks down from the facility Lorna was staying in. If she played her cards correctly she might be able to squeeze in a visit with Lorna before the visiting hours at the juvenile center were finished. Hopefully a couple of her other patients would cancel or at the least reschedule for another day. Not that she didn't want to meet with them but rather wanted to secure that she had time to visit with Lorna today.
However, before Poussey had the chance to do anything she heard footsteps loudening out in the hall until the door to her office swung open and in came her frantic assistant. She lifted a hand up to her forehead and massaged the tips of her fingers into the flesh of it. "Everything okay, Cindy? I was just about to head to the hospital to meet with a couple of my clients there," she told her, but by the way Cindy was swiftly making her way to her desk she could tell her plans were about to be temporarily halted.
"There's a phone call for you on line one. A Franny Morello? Do ya want me to push the call through to you?"
Taking in a deep breath, Poussey pursed her lips into a smile while giving a nod to her assistant's question. "Yes, please, go ahead and push it through. Thank you, Cindy," she told her, waving her kindly out. She watched as Cindy abided and quickly made her way back through the open door, which she made sure to close back up upon her exit. Poussey sighed, bringing her focus back to the top of her desk. Franny was likely calling her to tell her the same thing Nicky had earlier she presumed.
The phone rang on the corner of her desk and she rapidly grabbed it from the base, lifting it up to her ear so she could properly hear the person on the other side of it. Only two seconds into the call and she could hear how distressed Franny sounded through the phone. She inhaled a breath and when Franny finally quieted she decided it was time for her to say something. "Hello Franny," she gently greeted into the receiver, habitually curving her lips into their usual comforting smile despite the fact that no one was there to see it.
"Sorry, sorry I know it ain't real nice being greeted by me yellin'," Franny admitted now that she had calmed down some. Her shoulders held the phone up to her ear while she had her hands resting on either side of her forehead trying to massage away the aching sensation. "But I don't know who else to call right now, the state ain't helpin' and clearly CPS ain't doin' nothin', either. I just heard from Nicky that my sista's been hauled off to juvie and I don't know what the hell to do about it. They won't even give me an update on my guardianship paperwork let alone tell me how Lorna is or why she's there to begin with."
Once more a pang formed in Poussey's chest to hear about the Lorna debacle all over again. She couldn't imagine what it felt like to be Lorna's sister just finding out that she was placed in a juvenile facility. That family had gone through so much in such little time. It was heartbreaking to witness all the events that took place. She sighed, resting one hand on her lap while the other remained around the phone so it stayed put on her ear. "I understand, Franny. I know this whole situation really sucks and I'm so sorry. Nicky was just here with her and Lorna's friend, Alex, tellin' me all about what's going on. It's completely messed up that they would put Lorna in a facility like that when she has done absolutely nothing wrong. But after those two left, I made some calls and I got information on where your sister is. I have a couple of appointments I need to attend to at the hospital but after I finish those I'm gonna try to see if I can get in there and visit with Lorna, okay? I'll at least talk with her and make sure she's okay. And let her know that you guys are all trying to find a way to get her out of there. Does that sound good to you?"
Air expelled from Franny's lungs hearing Poussey's revelation. She nodded her head graciously though she knew the other woman couldn't see it from the distance between them. "That's real nice a ya, Dr. Washington. I appreciate that a lot, thank you. It's betta than nothin', that's for sure. Do ya know if they're still gonna make Lorna go through with the liver transplant, though? I heard Mrs. Chapman was signing the consent forms…please tell me that's not actually happening?" Franticness oozed from her voice. She swallowed uncomfortably and shifted her body against the cushion of her couch she had perched herself on.
"As far as I know if the custody of Lorna has been taken from the Chapmans then they no longer have the right to make any sort of decisions when it comes to that. So, no, that should not be happening. But, right now, I don't know all the facts so I don't want to tell you one thing and it not be true, you know? I'll try to get the information for you, though."
Franny's hands rubbed from her temples all the way down to her cheeks, smashing her face briefly inwards. The more she discussed the ordeal with her sister's therapist the more confused and distressed she became. None of it made any sense to her. None of it seemed fair to her. Lorna was a victim in all of this but she was the one being punished? How the fuck was that right at all? The ache between Franny's temples intensified. No amount of massaging eased any of it away.
Teeth dug down into the flesh of her tongue. She couldn't begin to imagine what Lorna was facing right now, what she must have been feeling wherever the hell she was. Lorna had to have felt so alone, and so incredibly confused. Maybe even a little betrayed. The longer she let her mind ponder on her sister's possible thoughts the worse the throbbing of her head grew. A breath snuffled out of her. "Okay, well, hypothetically if they do still have custody of my sista, and they try to go through with this procedure—what the hell do we do to stop it? Because over my dead fucking body will I allow any doctah near my sista with any damn cutting devices. Lorna's suffered enough and I refuse to allow her to be put through a surgery that not only will save a man who deserves no saving but could also fucking risk her life."
"If it comes to that, Franny, then I'll step in. Lorna isn't healthy enough to be put under anesthesia for any reason at all, especially not a procedure that is only to benefit her own abuser. No, don't you worry at all, I will do my damnedest to make sure nobody cuts into your sister. I promise you that. I couldn't in good conscious allow such a thing to occur. That surgery could absolutely kill Lorna in the frail state that she's in and if any doctor agreed to put her through that kind of procedure they must have their license revoked immediately."
It was nearing three o'clock in the afternoon when Red came in through the front door of her house. She slid her shoes off once the door was secured shut behind her and used her foot to move them onto the shoe matt right beside it. Eyes searched around the room landing on Nicky who was sat slumped on her recliner a few feet away. Arms immediately crossed over her chest to see her there. Disdain molded onto her face the longer her eyes lingered on her daughter. Her daughter who not only hadn't come home the evening prior but who also failed to attend school that day.
Clearing her throat obnoxiously loud, she waited for Nicky's focus to shift up onto her. When it had, only seconds later, she gave a hard stare into her brown eyes and shook her head. "Would ya like to explain to me why you weren't in school today, Nicky? Or why you didn't come home last night? You know if ya wanted to spend the night with Lorna all ya had to do was call and tell me," she gently told her though kept her stare and demeanor rather firm.
Nicky gulped uneasily and shifted her legs underneath her. Guilt came over her when she saw the slight hurt in her mother's eyes. Red was an amazing mother to her and the idea of unintentionally causing her pain or worry felt a lot worse than being scolded by her. She could handle being scolded but she couldn't face the sight of the agony in her mother's blue eyes. Agony caused by her own decisions. Decisions of course that weren't made to purposefully cause such a sensation but they had, nonetheless.
"I'm sorry, ma, I know I shoulda called last night to tell ya where I was," Nicky started off, looking down at her lap as if it would magically poof the guilty pang out of her chest. She grabbed a hold of a loose piece of string and twirled her thumb nervously around it. "I really didn't mean to worry you. I wasn't even thinkin'. Lorna called me in the afternoon and was all hysterical in the woods. And then me and Alex went to get her and we all went back to Alex's house and things just got worse from there."
Red sighed and lessened her stern conduct somewhat. She walked over to the recliner, placing both of her hands on either side of Nicky's face. The grasp she had on her was used to bring Nicky's head closer to her own. When she felt satisfied with the distance between them Red leaned forward and pressed a comforting kiss onto the flesh of her daughter's forehead. She couldn't stay mad at her for long. Nicky was very impulsive and only made choices she knew were not meant to intentionally upset anyone. Of course Nicky hadn't meant to worry and stress her out, not returning the evening prior. But Red couldn't stop her motherly instincts from doing exactly that. When it came to her children—whether biological or chosen—her heart could not rest until she knew they were all safe.
Another comforting kiss was placed on Nicky's forehead before Red released her grip altogether and went to have a seat on the sofa just catty-corner to the recliner Nicky was sitting atop of. Red situated herself so she was turned towards Nicky, eyes watching over her rather precisely. "Why don't ya tell me what Lorna was doin' running around the woods for first off?"
A disgruntled sigh burst through Nicky's windpipe. She raised a hand up to the side of her neck and rubbed it anxiously along the length of it. If she had to explain the situation one more time she was going to literally explode. Both hands now moved up to her cheeks and smashed them inwards out of frustration. All she wanted was to have Lorna back with her and to never allow anyone evil around her again. Her head shook angrily at the fact that that wasn't going to be happening any time soon.
"Because the fucking CPS system is fucking bullshit, that's why. Nobody cares about Lorna; all they do is toss her around like she's a fuckin' basketball, ma. And then they get fucking mad at her for not wanting to deal with that. Where's the fucking logic?"
The anger was clearly evident in Nicky's voice. As well as in the way she was sitting on the edge of her chair Red visually noticed. She scooted to the end cushion of the sofa and reached over the end table to cover a warm hand on the top of one of Nicky's. The tips of her fingers delicately brushed along the flesh of it. "What actually happened though, Nicky? I know what's going on for Lorna right now isn't fair or okay but that doesn't mean the entire system is bad," she carefully pointed out, grabbing the young girl's hand in her own and lifting it off the lap it had been laying on so she could give it a soothing squeeze.
Nicky's head shook harder at her mother's words. Words that couldn't be further from the truth if they tried. She swallowed hard and grinded her teeth bleakly together. "Really, ma? Lorna was ready to spend the night in the fucking woods and risk being mauled by a bear than having to spend another night in the Chapman's house. And then that stupid bitch of a CPS lady came barging her way into Alex's house this morning hollering insults at Lorna and hauled her away to juvie. Now tell me again how the fuck the system ain't fucked up?" The anger had tripled in intensity so much Nicky couldn't remain seated on the sofa any longer. She needed to move around, wanted to slam and throw things too but figured that wasn't the brightest of ideas.
Instead of acting on such a desire, she caught sight of a box of tissues on one of the end tables and chose to pull one from the box. She crumpled it in her hand as tight as possible while mentally imagining the tissue was Mrs. Figueroa's head she was squeezing.
Watching helplessly as her daughter angrily paced around the living room with a death grip on a random balled-up piece of tissue, Red snuffled in a breath and pushed back her shoulders. She felt her heart break for the girl's blatant distress. Felt saddened to have her eyes opened to how not okay the foster system currently was. It tugged strongly on her maternal heart to have to come to such a realization.
The pacing went on for another couple of minutes before Red finally had enough of it and went up to Nicky stopping her by pulling her in for a fierce embrace. She took Nicky's head and placed it in the crook of her neck, keeping it in place with her chin resting gently on the top of it. A sigh whistled out from her windpipe. Her hands soothingly combed through Nicky's thick red curls. "I didn't know, my Nicky, I didn't know things were that bad. I'm so sorry, honey. I'm so sorry," she whispered softly into one of the teen's ears, gently swaying from one side to the other as she continued to hold her daughter close.
She retained her arms around Nicky for a few more minutes as she continued to rock them. Once she released her arms she took a hold of Nicky's hand and carefully led her into the kitchen. Nothing a kettle of tea couldn't fix, she thought to herself. Or at least it wouldn't hurt any to prepare a kettle of it. It might not fix any of the problems but it would ease away some of Nicky's anger. Red let go of Nicky's hand and motioned for her to sit at the table. When she complied Red went over to fix the tea kettle with hot water.
By the time the water had boiled on one of the stove's burners, nearly five silent minutes had passed on around them. Red picked it up and poured it into the two mugs she had waiting on the nearby countertop. Two teabags had already been chosen and, now with water appropriately filled in each cup, Red put one bag into them both. She carried them over to the table placing one mug down on the surface in front of where she was going to sit and carefully scooted the other towards Nicky.
Nicky graciously took the cup when it came sliding in her direction, looping a hand through its handle. Her other hand was used to grip onto the string of the teabag that was lying outside of the cup; she tugged on it to move the bag around with. Once the color of water changed to a clear mint green shade she used the string to completely pull the teabag out with. Now she lifted the mug to her mouth and took a long sip of it. Peppermint and spearmint were the flavors swirling about the taste-buds of her tongue. She sighed as she set it back down and thought of all the cups of minty tea Lorna had consumed in the the time they knew each other.
It felt as if a decade had passed since she'd seen Lorna when in reality it was only a matter of hours. Both of her hands raised up to her head nails of her fingers slightly clawing into the scalp of it. All she truly wanted right now was to be with Lorna again, to take Lorna in her arms and make sure she knew just how deeply loved she was. How no one would ever be able to make her do anything she wasn't okay with. But instead of that she was stuck sitting in Red's kitchen with a measly cup of tea which was meant to comfort her but she and Red both knew that wasn't what would be accomplished.
No amount of minty tea could make any of this situation any better. Nothing could aside from getting Lorna the hell out of that damn juvie place she'd unfairly been taken to. Nicky huffed out an exasperated sigh and rested both of her arms on the surface of table. She leaned closer and let her chin fall onto her folded over arms. "She called Lorna a delinquent, ma. Lorna, my Lorna a delinquent. Can ya believe that? And all just because Lorna spent the night at Alex's house instead of those nasty Chapmans. How dumb is that? How fucking dumb?" Anger slowly began to build once more as she relayed the morning conversation with Mrs. Figueroa over and over in her mind.
Having a gradual sip of her tea, Red frowned while peering across the table at her daughter. That reason sounded like a reason a grade-school kid would give when asked about why a person might be sentenced to prison. It certainly didn't sound like something an adult with a well-developed brain would say. Or rather not what an adult with a well-developed brain should say. It was hard for Red to believe but she knew Nicky wasn't lying. Nicky was not one to lie no matter what the situation at hand. Even when it might be considered better to lie Nicky wouldn't.
"Lorna's not even close to a delinquent. How can this CPS person even say such a thing in front of her? That's not right at all. Has she no compassion? Why is she working for CPS if she doesn't truly care about children?" Fury seethed through Red's words now. She still couldn't get her mind to wrap around the whole debacle she had been informed of. How could a professional person who chose to work in a field that was supposed to care for the well-being of children sit there and name-call a teenager in that very same breath?
Nicky's head shook furiously. Compassion? She had to cover her mouth to keep the chuckle she felt brewing from coming out. That was a word severely lacking from Mrs. Figueroa's vocabulary. Hell, Mrs. Figueroa wouldn't know how to be compassionate if it was demonstrated right in front of her face. "That woman has no idea what the word compassion even means, ma," she pointed out, throwing a hand up in the air. She sighed and reached for her cup of tea again.
Lips hugged onto the rim of the mug sucking in a heaping volume of the liquid contained within its parameters. Thirst was soon quenched from the sip and Nicky replaced the cup back onto the table's wooden surface. Eyes returned the stare her mother's blue ones were giving her. Air expelled out through her slightly ajar mouth. "She kept sayin' Lorna couldn't obey and stay with the Chapmans and because of that she's a delinquent who has to go to juvie. It's bullshit. Why can't they just fucking let Lorna go back with Franny and leave her the hell alone?" Hands bounced about above her head while she rolled her eyes so far back she swore she could see the inside of her brain.
"That's the biggest load of crap I've heard. This CPS bitch sounds like she just cares about money and not actually anyone's well-being other than her own. But how come Lorna was wanting to get out of the Chapmans' house so bad, huh? I mean I know from what you and her have said that they're real uppity but that shouldn't make sleeping in the woods look better than a bed in their house, should it? Unless, is there something else you've neglected to mention, Nicky?" Red quirked an eyebrow, reaching a hand across the table to gently place overtop of Nicky's with.
"Somehow on this fucked up planet somebody told the Chapmans about the liver transplant issue," Nicky started off, teeth gritting together as she spoke. Otherwise she knew her anger would consume her once again. She couldn't bare the thought of what Mrs. Chapman was willing to do just to get Lorna out of her life. A breath was slowly taken in and carefully released. Nicky raised one of her hands and let it comb through her mane of hair. "And Mrs. Chapman had the fucking nerve to tell Lorna she was going this morning to sign the consent forms so that Lorna would have to let her body be cut into by greedy fucking doctors. That's fucking why Lorna was wandering in the woods, why she fucking didn't care if she ended being some wild animal's supper last night. And why the fuck the stupid CPS lady was calling her a criminal, telling Lorna she deserved to be in juvie for not wanting to deal with a family that was ready to fucking discard her like she was last night's fucking stew."
Red moved herself closer to Nicky and gently placed a comforting hand onto her face, stroking her fingers softly around its flesh. The blatant distress oozing from her daughter's voice was very hard to miss. She snuffled in a breath and mentally prepared a reasonable response to come out with. It tugged vastly on her heart to know how much her daughter's girlfriend happened to be suffering through right now. How more and more continued to pile up on her. None of that was fair but unfortunately life wasn't always fair for everyone. Sometimes the kindest of people were dealt the most horrific of cards. Did it make sense to her? Not one bit but it didn't need to. Life didn't need to make sense to anyone. Life happened the way it happened and sometimes there wasn't anything that could be done to change it.
Getting Nicky to realize that, however, was a challenge in and of itself. Nicky, aside from Lorna, happened to be one of the most stubborn people Red had known. It wouldn't be easy trying to help her understand that not everything in life could be controlled to a T. Did that mean she didn't wish that was how life worked? No, but she had to be realistic. Realistic meant things weren't always going to be the way a person wanted them. Things weren't always going to be pleasurable or fair, or right or okay. However, that hadn't meant the future would be permanently doomed. Life had the ability to change in an instant.
"I don't understand how the Chapmans were able to make a decision like that so lightly. Do they not know the man who'd be receiving the transplant is the fucking man who abused Lorna? That he is the reason she's their foster child to begin with?" Red furrowed her brows trying to decipher the whole debacle. It was as if the Chapmans'—or at least Mrs. Chapman—were so desperate to be rid of Lorna that they were willing to risk her life just to accomplish that. Red felt sickened at the thought. How could anyone be willing to do a thing so vile?
Both of Nicky's shoulders popped forward. She couldn't comprehend the reason behind why the Chapmans' did what they did any more than her mother could. That was one of the main reasons she considered them a pair of incompetent imbeciles. No competent person would choose to consent to a dangerous medical procedure without taking the proper time to fully think it over. To figure out if a procedure was actually beneficial to the person on the receiving end of it, which in this case, it certainly was not. And if either Chapman had a sane thought in their head they would have easily realized that but it was clear to Nicky neither of them did.
She sighed and picked up the cup of tea sitting in front of her. A slow, long, sip was taken of it. The warmth soothed her throat but definitely not her mind. Nothing could soothe her mind right now. She needed to be with Lorna but it was obvious that wasn't going to be happening for a while now. Unless something miraculous occurred. She hoped maybe Dr. Washington would find a loophole or some legal way they could get Lorna out of whatever facility Mrs. Figueroa had brought her to. Only time would tell.
At least Lorna was away from the Chapmans, Nicky thought. Maybe the detention center wouldn't be so bad. Maybe there might be people there who actually had an ounce of compassion in their hearts. Nicky hoped so anyway. That was all she could do at the moment was to hope for the best for her girlfriend. She set her mug back down and stared into its contents, watching the liquid sway from side to side. "Mrs. Chapman is a cold-hearted bitch that's why. She doesn't like Lorna at all and has made that clear more than once. So can ya understand why Lorna was wandering around the woods for yesterday?"
Brushing the tip of her fingers gingerly along the length of Nicky's cheeks, Red nodded with a solemn frown shaping onto her face. She sure could see why Lorna chose to wander off into a secluded trail in the woods. No one in that Chapman family truly cared for her. Why would anyone want to stay in a place where they knew they weren't wanted? Poor child, Red sighed and clutched her free hand onto her chest. It broke her heart more than anything to imagine what Lorna must have been feeling.
No child should be made to feel the way Lorna did. No child should have to be told by a person who was supposed to be responsible for their care that they didn't like them or wanted them out of their house. But, yet, that was exactly what Lorna was told. And not even the CPS person cared what it was doing to her well-being. Red brought her hand up, laying it over one of her temples and massaging it incessantly. All those people seemed to do was brush Lorna off, made her feel as if she was less than. As if having feelings and emotions deemed her a criminal. Red couldn't bare what all this was doing to Lorna's mental health. Lorna already had a hard enough time expressing her feelings, now she'd be even worse off in that department.
Air heavily pushed its way out of Red's mouth as she slowly opened it to respond to her daughter's comments with. "I can completely understand why Lorna chose to venture into the woods. I think it's really fucked up how Mrs. Chapman acts in front of Lorna, how she makes it known to her how obviously unwanted she is there. That's sickening to me. Why would she agree to be a foster parent when she knows she doesn't truly care about the children she and her husband are taking in? And what is Mr. Chapman doing about all this? Sounds like he's just a blind sheep following whatever the hell his alpha wife says," she bitterly retorted, shaking her head fiercely along with each word.
Nicky nodded fervently. That was exactly what Mr. Chapman appeared to be. He might have shown a small amount of compassion to Lorna but he sure was weak when it came to his wife Nicky inwardly determined. Arms crossed distastefully over her chest. The men in Lorna's life were either demented degenerates such as her father and uncle or they were scared little weaklings like Mr. Chapman. None of them had the balls to stick up for what was right. None of them had the capability of putting their foot down when enough was enough. Mr. Chapman was too much of a coward to stand up to his wife and tell her to go to hell like she should have been told many weeks ago.
A lot of people in Lorna's life happened to be too cowardly to protect her properly was what Nicky had witnessed and concluded. She sighed, shaking her head. As if Lorna wasn't worth getting over their cowardice. Nicky would move the Earth to keep Lorna safe; she would fucking climb through a burning building to protect Lorna. Nothing was more important to her than Lorna's health and safety. It baffled her how others didn't feel the same way. That blood relatives were the ones who caused the very harm they were supposed to protect Lorna from.
Hands rubbed tirelessly at either side of her face. "Mrs. Chapman is a narcissistic bitch just like fucking Marka is. She only agreed to foster Lorna so it would make her look good in whatever rich community she's in. She doesn't and never cared about Lorna or taking care of her the way she should be. Because if she had even a morsel of compassion inside of her pea-sized brain she would have noticed how fucking skinny and sickly Lorna looks. She would have done something to help her instead of now agreeing to some bullshit procedure that will make Lorna worse. A stupid fucking procedure that's only helping the stupid fucktard who put Lorna in this mess to begin with, ma. I wanna fucking hurt Mrs. Chapman and Mr. Morello. I wanna make them feel the way they made Lorna feel. I want them to know how bad it hurts being in Lorna's shoes for a day. Those two are the evilest people to exist. Lorna's uncle is right behind them in the evil department—"
"Why is Lorna's uncle behind them, Nicky? I thought he would be the number one evilest since he hurt Lorna the worst out of them all. What kind of rating system do you have to make these decisions?" Red queried, quirking an eyebrow in wonderment. In her own mind, Mr. Morello and Lorna's uncle were the same amount of evil. Maybe her uncle was a smidge eviler since only a satanic individual would find pleasure in sexually assaulting a child the way Lorna's uncle had done to her.
"Mr. Morello willingly and knowingly allowed his brother to violate his own daughter in the worst fucking way possible. That makes him the evilest in my book, ma. He was Lorna's fucking father—he should have been protecting her from predators like his piece of shit brother but no, he threw her right into his hands. Only a truly evil and sick person would be able to do that to their own fucking little girl. You have no idea how bad I wish I could be locked in a room with him and her uncle. God, I'd make sure those two would never even think about hurting Lorna in any way ever again. And Mrs. Chapman is on the same level as Lorna's father because she knows damn well Lorna was abused by him and still wants to give consent to having Lorna put under this fucked up procedure to save his life. That's just as fucking evil as directly causing the abuse is. It's a good thing I have a conscience or I'd fucking torture Mrs. Chapman until she succumbed to the pain. I swear to God karma better come to her and everyone else who did my sweet Lorna wrong. Because I don't trust that I can hold back from my impulses forever, ma."
That was more than enough for Red to wrap her arms securely around Nicky's shoulders and pull her up for a tight embrace. She wasn't risking giving Nicky a chance to do any of what she had just talked about wanting to do. It was understandable why she'd want to harm those three in the same way they harmed her girlfriend but it wasn't going to accomplish anything of benefit. Evil people like them didn't have empathy or moral compasses that made them feel the same emotions the rest of them did. So hurting them wouldn't make them realize what they'd done to Lorna was wrong. They already knew what they did was wrong but they didn't care. That was what made them so evil was the fact they knew right from wrong but chose to do what was wrong anyway because they could and it didn't bother them one bit who it hurt or how bad it hurt.
Red felt her heart ache when she sensed Nicky's body slightly tensing. She tried to ease it away with a tighter squeeze but to no avail. Lips soothingly pressed onto the top of Nicky's head. "I promise you, my Nicky, karma will come for them. It always does even when it doesn't seem like it. You just have to put your focus on Lorna instead of the anger towards those three. I know it's hard but the anger isn't worth it and it won't do you nor Lorna any good. Lorna needs your attention a lot more than those three evil monsters do. Stay anchored on taking care of yourself and doing what you can to help Lorna. Those are the only two things that matter right now. Revenge is not where any of your focus should be."
The dimensions of the room she was now supposed to call her temporary home surely hadn't been much wider than the locker Annalisa had shoved her in that one day in the girl's locker room at school she thought to herself. Maybe that was a bit of an exaggeration but it was a highly tight squeeze in there. It amazed her how they were able to fit two single beds between the two very close walls surrounding them. The air was as tight as those same walls. She couldn't take enough in no matter how many times she opened her mouth to inhale some.
Lorna sat on the edge of the bed near the right wall, knees pulled up and resting exactly beneath her chin. She'd been there a total of two hours and was already ready to get the hell out. The only positive thing was that she had no roommate. At least she hadn't seen anyone come in or out of the room she'd been assigned in the time that she had been there. Maybe she truly didn't have one and if that happened to be the case she would be rather grateful. Knowing her luck if she did have a roommate it would likely be a person who ended up wanting to plot her murder. With that in mind, it would be in her best interest to not have one at all.
Moments later, however, proved her assumption was made just a bit too soon. She heard a key being placed into the latch on the other side of the door and the next sound which pierced through her ears was its squealing open. In came a tall, Hispanic, teenager who looked Lorna over as she entered into the small space. Lorna swallowed uneasily, lowering her eyes down onto her legs. She placed a hand on the material of the pants covering them and realized now the only true bright side was that she hadn't been forced to wear the black and white jumpsuits she had observed prisoners wear in movies she had previously seen.
The other teenager kept quiet but the guard who'd been about to shut the door peeked in through the small crack. Eyes darted in on Lorna, staring at her in a bit of a menacing manner. "Your bed is on the other side, Morello. You better not already be starting shit, young lady. Your social worker warned me about your disobedient attitude. Better watch yourself in here," the guard sternly warned Lorna before fully shutting the door and relocking it.
Morello. Lorna felt her body involuntarily flinch at being addressed as such. Her own last name which suddenly made her feel sick to be called by it. Morello was what people called her father—Mr. Morello, sure, but it still was on the same wavelength. Having that as her addressing name by the staff here left her with a bitter taste in her mouth. She didn't want to be referred to as a name that reminded her so much of the very person who was to blame for why she was in this damn facility to begin with.
"What'd ya do that was so disobedient, Morello?"
Another microscopic flinch was shaken from her body. Lorna closed her eyes momentarily and sucked down hard on her bottom lip. When she reopened them a few seconds later, she caught sight of the taller teen plopped down on the mattress of the bed directly across from where she was sitting. Her eyes studied the girl intently, trying to decipher if she was being genuinely curious or just asking in a mockful demeanor. It was hard for her to come to any sort of conclusion. The expression on the other girl's face was indistinguishable to her.
Lorna sighed, puffing out her shoulders momentarily before they fell back to their normal position. "I don't know. I guess the CPS lady just didn't like that I wouldn't stay with the stupid Chapmans," she stated, eyes now glaring down at the cement-like floor. She lifted a hand up to her face and pressed it into the flesh of her cheek. Uneasiness was gradually starting to morph into frustration. It wasn't fair she was locked in a place like this when she hadn't even done anything against the law.
The girl on the other side of the room snickered a bit. "Wow, you're a real criminal. Damn. I thought I was disobedient but I mean refusing to stay with whoever the stupid Chapmans are is way worse," she jokingly responded hoping to lighten the mood but quickly observed it hadn't even remotely done that. In fact by the expression on Morello's face, she witnessed, her comment only tensed the mood.
"You really think I'm a criminal?" Lorna's eyes widened in shock, eyebrows arching puzzlingly overtop of them. Her nerves and anxiety were so high that she couldn't differentiate between a joking tone and a normal one. She already felt disgusted with herself for getting in this predicament to begin with now she just wanted to scream. Wished she could be alone in that room so she could find something sharp to cut herself with. She didn't deserve to not be in physical pain.
"I was just kiddin' around," the other muttered shrugging her shoulders.
Lorna shrugged her shoulders as well unsure what else to say or do. She felt rather awkward. Almost more awkward than she'd felt staying at the Chapman's house. She couldn't completely figure out why that was. The Chapmans' house was much worse than this. They were uppity and had a stuffy atmosphere about them. Yet sitting in this entirely too small of a room room Lorna couldn't resist from feeling just as out of place as she did there. Maybe there would never be a true place she'd ever feel she belonged.
Chapter 111
Notes:
Well, well, well. I still can't figure out how to end this story. So again there will be one more chapter after this and that should be the final one. Who knows if that's what really happens though? I'm just bulking the chapter lengths now to see if I can get more accomplished.
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred Ten
A sigh spewed from Lorna's mouth. Shoulders slumped as she scooted backwards until her spine was pressing into the cold cement wall behind it. Her stare lifted up off of the floor and slowly fixed back onto the girl across from her. The longer her eyes lingered on her the quicker she was to realize the girl didn't appear the way she imagined any of the other child prisoners to appear. She looked a lot friendlier than Lorna had expected. Such a conclusion was swift to ease some of her trepidation. At least she wasn't locked in a room with Annalisa. No one was even half as bad as Annalisa.
"What's your name?" Lorna questioned aloud her ponderous thought. It couldn't hurt to at least make friends while she was trapped there, especially since she had no clue exactly how long she would be. She could put up her normal façade in here and no one would even know it was one.
But she didn't want to be there. She didn't want to be anywhere that wasn't with her sister or near the people who she cared for. Didn't want to be without Nicky. Her sweet, angelic, Nicky who shouldn't be put in this shit any longer with her. Maybe being dragged to this facility and locked away was the best thing for her and everyone else, too. They wouldn't have to put up with her anymore or the shit storm that always seemed to follow right behind her.
She could only hope that Nicky and the rest of her family opened their eyes to that very same conclusion. They didn't need to waste their energy on her; they needed to get on with their lives and forget about her. Leave her in the dust where she couldn't continuously cause their lives to be thrown up in a tornado the same as her own life seemed to always be stuck in. However, knowing Nicky, that was certainly the last thing she'd ever do. Nicky cared way too much about her, Lorna dishearteningly came to realize many months ago now. She would never be worthy of that amount of care and god did she wish Nicky would see that too. Nicky put more energy and focus on her than was needed. Than she should. Lorna wasn't fucking worth an ounce of Nicky's energy or focus. She wasn't worth anyone's energy or focus if she was being real with herself. She belonged locked away from society like she just so happened to be right now. This was exactly where she deserved to be whether she felt comfortable with it or not.
There was a rummaging of papers which caught Lorna's attention and brought her out of her effervescent running mind. Eyes instantly darted in the direction of where it was coming from and saw the other teen had now been sitting at a small rickety desk which was placed right underneath a rather small window. The desk looked like it had seen better days from how it wobbled as the girl sat moving papers around on the top of its surface.
The darker haired teen turned around in her seat and returned Lorna's gaze. "Ruiz," she responded nonchalantly. After, she immediately went back to flipping through the papers she had sprawled out on the desk.
Eyebrows scrunched up at the disclosure. That was a first name she never heard before. She swallowed thickly and fidgeted her legs against the mattress which in turn made the bed frame squeal from how old it must have been. "Ruiz?" Lorna said back in the form of a question. There was no way that was the girl's real name, she thought to herself. What kind of a parent named their daughter that? The query popped through her mind.
Chuckling, the taller girl raised her shoulders and once again twisted around in her seat to stare at Lorna a second time. "It's my last name, they're real weird here and only let us call each other our last names," Ruiz answered when she saw the dumbfounded expression etched on her new roommate's face.
Lorna slowly nodded and felt her eyebrows fall into their normal relaxed position. That cleared up what she was thinking and also gave her an explanation as to why the one guard referred to her as Morello earlier. It hadn't meant she was any more okay with being called Morello but at least now she had a reason for why she was. And, now, another reason for why she needed to get out of this place as fast as humanly possible.
"Well, what's your first name? They really have dumb rules here. I don't understand anything," Lorna truthfully stated, throwing her hands exasperatingly up in the air to emphasis her point.
Ruiz chuckled again and crossed one of her legs over her other, deciding on getting comfortable since it was obvious her new roommate wanted to sit and conversate a bit. She wasn't one for small talk but the young girl across from her looked like maybe a bit of conversing might benefit her some and she didn't have the heart to be rude about it like she normally did with the newbies. "It's Maria but the walls have ears, Morello. They'll punish us if we call each other anything but our last names. It's stupid but a lotta shit in this world is stupid," she said, puffing out one of her shoulders and then releasing it back to its regular position.
The walls have ears. The walls have ears? Eyebrows once more arched their way up over her brown eyes in wonderment at the comment. Were the guards in this place listening in on everyone's conversation or something? Lorna couldn't compute the statement fully. Rather it only made being in there feel even more eerie and uneasy. She wanted to get out even more than before but knew that wasn't going to happen any time soon. God forbid the state approve Franny's guardianship, she bitterly thought. God forbid something in her life go the way she wanted.
Lorna pushed her thoughts aside and tried to focus on Maria, who was still seated on the rickety chair that connected to the rickety desk. "Um, have ya been in this place long?" The query nervously spilled out of her mouth. Maybe if she forced herself to keep talking to the girl it would give her a mind a break from all the worrying and stressing. Both of which weren't doing any good for her and certainly wouldn't make her magically find a way out of there any quicker.
"This is the longest I've been here at one time," Ruiz muttered while folding her arms securely over her chest. Eyes peered suspiciously across at the smaller-framed teenager. Clearly this was the first time for Morello, she easily took note of. She watched as Morello subtly grimaced at the revelation she just shared with her. Yes, she nodded to herself, this sure was the girl's first stay in juvie. And for a reason that didn't even make her like the rest of them that were in there. It was perplexing to say the least.
Lorna quickly shifted her eyes away from the other, who's stare made her feel a slight discomfort as if she was staring directly into her soul or something. "Oh," her voice went up a few notches. She swallowed thickly and let her fingers run along the cotton material of the pants she'd been wearing. "Well, how long is that though? A week? A month?"
A week Ruiz thought and chuckled. This poor girl had no idea what the hell she was in for if she thought a week in juvie was a long time. She shook her head while retaining her gaze on the blatantly disheveled brunette who was too busy messing with her pants to observe the somber expression now displayed on her face. "It's been more like six months, Morello. Nobody has ever come here and only stayed for a week. Hate to break it to ya but ya probably gonna be here a while," Ruiz informed her, a faint look of pity in her eyes for the younger girl.
Six months. Six fucking months? Six goddamn fucking months. Lorna's mind was on fire with the repetitive comment coursing through it. There was absolutely no fucking way on this godforsaken planet Lorna could survive in juvie for six damn months. That was like being trapped in her science class with Annalisa for an eternity. She couldn't handle that, manage that. How the fuck was she supposed to last in this place for six months? Would she even get to see Nicky or her siblings? Or at least have the chance to talk to them on the phone? The questions ran through her head like the waves of an ocean came crashing to the shore. They were fast and wouldn't stop. It wasn't long before a headache ensued causing a dull throbbing right smack-dab in the middle of her forehead.
Ruiz watched closely as the expression on Morello's face incessantly morphed and changed as she appeared to be trying to process the statement she had just made. Her mouth slightly curved into a frown. "Sorry, Morello. Didn't meana bum ya out but it's better to know now than later, huh?"
It would have been better to not be in this place to begin with Lorna's mind silently screamed in response but she didn't allow it out. Instead, all she did was give a small nod. A small nod even though she didn't technically agree, however, what else was there for her to do or say? It wasn't like she could do anything to change the circumstance. That was up to the state and the CPS system. Both of which seemingly had a vendetta against her. Hell, she might be trapped in there until she turned eighteen. Who the fuck would ever want her as a foster child? The Chapmans and Mrs. Figueroa were likely going to warn other potential foster families of her disobedient, delinquent, nature. She didn't fucking have a prayer.
"It's fine, I guess. I mean at least this place don't have the Chapmans so it can't be the worst place, can it?" She tried to be optimistic but she had a sense this place was going to be as bad, if not, worse than living with the Chapmans had been.
"Ya really don't like these Chapman's do ya?" Ruiz quirked an eyebrow, her curiosity growing by the second. A sigh came through and she again shrugged her shoulders. "It's not as bad here as ya might think. But they do make us do school work and that kinda sucks. That's actually what I was doin' over here. Gotta stupid math test tomorrow," she informed her with an eyeroll. Couldn't escape from math class even in a damn juvenile delinquent center she irritatingly thought to herself.
A rather small snicker innately made its way through Lorna's windpipe. She wasn't expecting there to be classes in juvie but hearing Maria's comment about it made this facility seem a little less scary. Maybe it wouldn't be as bad as she thought it would. As long as there was no Annalisa here and no other people like Annalisa. "It's mainly the Mrs. Chapman I can't stand but at least I ain't gotta deal with her in here. And I didn't think that this place had school stuff, the CPS lady said it was prison for children."
Curiosity intensified more. "What Mrs. Chapman do to make ya not like her?"
Air whistled through Lorna's nose as it exhaled out of her. Shoulders raised up to both sides of her face as she swallowed a decent amount of saliva that had formed near the tip of her tongue. "It's a real long story. I'm sure ya don't wanna hear it, especially if ya got a math test to study for," Lorna said, hoping the other would leave it at that.
Her hope, however, was left unto deaf ears.
Ruiz shook her head and held her stare on Morello. The math test could wait; she wanted to hear the story behind her roommate's dislike towards the infamous Mrs. Chapman. Plus, the distraction would give her a break from the mundane atmosphere in their blatantly stuffy cell. "We got a lotta time. I think you can tell it and still have more time left when you're finished. Please? I've been alone in this cell for literally weeks, I need human interaction or I might disintegrate. And believe me I don't really care too much about the math test," she pleaded, waving a hand in the air.
"Fine, fine," Lorna breathed out a sigh. She couldn't say no with how desperate the other seemed for conversation. But that didn't negate the fact that she wasn't particularly fond of discussing Mrs. Chapman any further. Mrs. Chapman was her least favorite subject, right behind her father and uncle. "Mrs. Chapman and her husband were my foster parents for the last month and they just were uppity rich people who I think only agreed to take me in so it would make em' look good. Mrs. Chapman told me she didn't like me all the time and she's just a fake snob. Even her mother-in-law said to me that Mrs. Chapman is the snob bitch," she retold what she remembered from the conversation she had with Celeste only a couple of weeks prior.
"The snob bitch? Yeah a lotta rich people are that. So, what, you're in the foster system then?"
Lorna swallowed and bent her head down to look at the floor. She nodded slightly and felt air frustratingly burst through her chest. The last thing she wanted was to admit she was a child of the system but that was exactly what she was now and there wasn't a damn thing she could do to make it any different. She didn't have a way to contact anyone outside of this fucking facility. She felt as though she was in her own little world. A world that she may never escape from again.
One of her hands was lifted up and used to comb gently through her thick brown waves of hair. "Yeah unless the stupid court finally decides to approve my sista's guardianship a me. But they really suck and won't even give her no updates. I'm real sick a this. Are you in the system too? Is that why you're here?"
Lips twitched from a frown to a smirk and back to a frown. Ruiz resituated herself on the chair so she was sitting sideways on it. The new position gave her the ability to look both across at the other teenager and down at her math papers on the desk. She chose, now, to focus her glance down on the math papers instead. A slight bout of sympathy had been felt through a random pang in her chest for Morello and her situation. But she wasn't one to ever really show her emotions so peering at her school work made it easier to further the conversation between them.
"That sucks, I'm sorry," she spoke not much louder than a whisper. Just as quickly as the hushed demeanor came over her it vanished. She sat up straighter and puffed her shoulders while lifting them upwards to the sides of her face. "Nah, I'm here because I am a criminal. A real criminal not just a kid runnin' away from a foster family," eyebrows arched up as she made the comment followed by a small chuckle.
"Really? What'd ya do? Since I told ya about Mrs. Chapman, it's only fair ya tell me how you're a real criminal," Lorna pointed out while gesturing a hand out in front of her. Eyes had long returned their stare onto Maria full of wonder as to the reason for what she was doing in this place if it wasn't to do with being in the foster system.
Ruiz tilted her head to the side for a moment and then nodded. A point well made she realized. "I helped one a my cousins' deal heroin and shit. We tried to keep it hidden but clearly that didn't work real well for us. Her stupid little brother fucking snitched on us. He's such a little fucker," she bitterly stated, gritting her teeth harshly together.
Heroin, Lorna's stomach immediately sank at the mention. Nicky had heroin in her possession at one point in time she suddenly remembered. This whole debacle was stressful and exhausting, she noted, and Nicky spent the majority of her time worrying about her. If it became too much she feared Nicky might search out that heroin again. She couldn't bare the thought of Nicky's using heroin—a drug she knew could really fuck with her. Her hands instantly became clammy as they sat crossed together in her lap.
There wasn't even a way for her to get in touch with Nicky right now to check on how she was doing. Lorna swallowed uneasily and sucked in on her lower lip. What if Nicky was tempted to repossess more baggies of that evil heroin? Her mind now swirled with frantic queries and thoughts. Eyes were fixed widely in their sockets as they focused straight ahead on nothing in particular. "Heroin? My uh my girlfriend—she got heroin before from a friend a hers. Some girl name Boo, do ya know her?"
"Boo?" Ruiz repeated and watched as Morello's head bobbed up and down in response. She mirrored the movement, nodding her own head. "Hell yeah I know Boo. She's one a the girls me and my cousin used to deal to. Why? Is your girlfriend lookin' for more or is she wantin' in on the dealing? I mean I couldn't blame her for wantin' to, it makes good money."
Lorna profusely shook her head and held both of her hands out in front of her. The last thing she wanted or needed was for Nicky to start dealing the damn drugs. Nicky needed to stay as far away from that shit as she possibly could. "No, no, no way. I just—is there a way you could let Boo know not to give any heroin to my girlfriend, please? Her name is Nicky. I mean she hasn't had any for a long time but I just I don't wanna risk it."
An odd request Ruiz thought to herself but gave a nod anyway. "Sure, I'll do that. But in return I need a favor," she told her, her expression indistinguishable as she gazed over at Morello.
A lump had formed in Lorna's throat which she uncomfortably forced herself to swallow down. That didn't sound very comforting to her. She hoped Maria wasn't about to turn into a carbon copy of Annalisa. Lorna lifted a hand onto her temple, rubbing it anxiously up and down its length. Had she just sealed her fate by asking what she had asked? She surely wished not but it felt that way by the unnerving glance she was currently receiving some from Maria.
"What, uh, wha-what's the favor?" The question came out a lot shakier than Lorna would have liked. She unquestionably knew how to make herself an easy target.
The older teen stifled a faint snicker. This poor girl really was a newbie. There was no way Morello was going to be able to last long in here, she concluded. Not long at all. "I'll need ya to help me study for this math test. What'd ya think I was gonna ask? Huh? Damn you look like you're about to be shanked from how scared ya are, Morello. You're gonna need to get better at hiding your fear, there's some real mean girls in here who will eat you alive when they see how easy ya are to scare."
Another hard lump was swallowed down after hearing such. Mean girls? There couldn't be a girl meaner than Annalisa she inwardly commented. Annalisa was the queen of mean. Her brows furrowed together. Unless Annalisa was here and was one of those real mean girls. Lorna bit down on the side of her mouth and squeezed her hands between her thighs. "Is there any girl here with the name Annalisa?" She'd rather have known now and had the evening to prepare herself then to find out later without any preparation at all.
Ruiz squinted her eyes for a second as she tried to figure out if she had heard that name before. "Annalisa? Hmph, oh, you mean Damiva? Yeah, I think she might be here. That girl is one ya gotta watch out for. Apparently she tried to shiv a girl's face off at her high school. Pretty crazy if ya ask me."
The room Lorna was brought to to meet with her visitor a couple of hours later was a lot different than the ones they showed on TV she easily observed as she looked around while she waited for whoever had come to see her enter in through the same door she just had. A couple of minutes went by before she heard footsteps filing through clacking against the cement floor in the process. Immediately her head turned towards the door to watch who came in through it.
A bit of surprise etched its way on Lorna's face when the person turned out to be her therapist. How did her therapist even know she was in juvie? Was the first question that popped in her mind after seeing her come in. Her eyes stayed on Doctor Washington the entire time she made her way from the door to the chair opposite her own. After, she heard the door shut and as she turned her stare temporarily over at it through the sliver of a window she could see the guard who had closed it walking in the other direction.
Getting situated in the plastic chair on the other side of the small table from where Lorna was sitting, Poussey rested her hands on the surface of it while peering her over in a vastly methodic manner. Her lips formed into a bit of a frown as she took note of how blatantly drained and worn out Lorna appeared. She couldn't blame her for that—the day she had would have been exhausting for anyone to have to endure.
She raised a hand to the side of her face and pressed the palm right into it. "Are you doing okay, Lorna?" The question made its way out after she spent a couple of minutes studying the young brunette. It was probably pointless of her to ask such a question when, to her eyes, she had easily been able to see the response to it.
Was she doing okay? Her mind repeated the question. A question she found utterly laughable right at that specific moment. But she couldn't find it in her to laugh, not even a little bit. How could she laugh when she recently found out her school bully was also in this same juvenile facility? And, of course, that knowledge meant she was doing the complete opposite of okay. Despite that conclusion, however, Lorna automatically nodded her head. It didn't really matter if she wasn't doing okay, what the hell could her therapist do about that? Nothing. There wasn't shit anyone could do to change her situation right now.
Her head continued to nod and her lips pursed themselves into a smile. A smile that was blatantly empty and did not make it even close to her eyes. "I'm doing real good. Today is real dandy, Dr. Washington. How'd ya know I was in here?" Her lips instantly lost the smile and gradually shifted into a frown. Eyes fell down onto the table beneath where her elbows were resting. All the furniture in that place seemed old and broken. There were so many cracks in the wooden surface she was half-expecting it to fall apart from even the slightest bit of pressure.
A matching frown formed on Poussey's face the second she heard her client's response. One which clearly contradicted how she truly felt from what her physical appearance was telling her. But it didn't come as a surprise to her; Lorna never seemed to want to admit it when she was struggling or having a hard time. As if she wasn't worthy of admitting to anything of the sort. It was sad for Poussey to witness but she could understand the reason behind why Lorna did that. That was her coping mechanism—or at least one of them. None of which were the healthiest of coping mechanisms, either.
"Nicky came by my office earlier and explained what happened," she went ahead and informed the young girl, watching her closely to see if her reaction changed at all. The exhaustion hidden in her eyes was fighting to display itself but she observed how hard Lorna forced them to stay as widely open as possible. "You've had a rough day, Lorna, you don't have to pretend you didn't. I'm not gonna judge you. Why won't you start being more open with how you're really feeling?"
Hearing Nicky's name was all it took for Lorna's eyes to fill with a hefty volume of tears. She tried to retain them from falling but wasn't able to do so for long. Anger came over her at the realization that she had no control over the tears and so she lifted hand up to the back of her neck and violently clawed her nails into its flesh. "There ain't no point. I'm not allowed to have feelings in this place, nobody cares and I don't either. My feelings don't matter, why do ya think I'm in here? Because no one gives a fuck. I just wish I could disappear," the words spewed out between whistling sniffles. She laid out her arms in front of her on the table and leaned in to rest her face right on top of them.
Poussey swallowed hard at Lorna's heartrending disclosure. Though it might have felt that way to Lorna, it certainly hadn't been true that nobody cared about her. Maybe the Chapmans nor Mrs. Figueroa didn't but the people who mattered surely cared. They cared a great deal Poussey had effortlessly came to conclude throughout that entire day. A sigh escaped as she formulated a gentle way to respond to Lorna's comment.
Eyes softened while looking the frazzled brunette thoroughly over. "You're always allowed to have feelings, Lorna. There are so many people who care about you, I promise. I've talked to quite a few of them today. You're not in here because your feelings don't matter—you're not in here because of yourself for any reason, okay?"
Lorna bit down on her lip and raised her hand slightly. "Then why am I here?" She asked no louder than a mere whisper.
The look on her face was one that nearly stabbed through Doctor Washington's chest. It was a question she hadn't had a clear answer for much to her own dissatisfaction. She was still trying to figure out the reason behind that. This was a juvenile delinquent center not a juvenile social services center so it didn't fully make sense to Poussey as to why her client happened to be put in there. Lorna was nothing short of a sweetheart. She didn't belong in a delinquent facility, that was for damn sure.
"Honestly, I'm still working on getting some answers for that. I don't know why you're here, either, Lorna. But I know you don't belong in here. You're not a bad kid, not at all. Now I know Nicky had said the social worker was saying she was bringing you here because of how you weren't staying at the Chapman's house but that's not a real reason for you to be in this sort of environment."
"You don't think I'm troubled?" Lorna glanced up at her therapist for a brief a minute and the second she noticed her bottom lip was trembling, she immediately returned to her previous position that had her face hidden from view.
Shaking her head dishearteningly, Poussey had to slightly grit her teeth together in order to stop any inappropriate emotions from making their way to the surface. She hated how easy it was for her to get attached to her patients. But, on the flip side, she was also grateful to have that ability because her patients needed the care and empathy she provided them with. Some of them didn't have anyone else to show them those things. So, she inverted her shoulders and inhaled a deep breath.
While exhaling she witnessed Lorna's timidly sliding a hand across the table nearing her own as if silently asking for some form of physical contact. The gesture took Doctor Washington by surprise but she swiftly abided after seeing the pleading look oozing through Lorna's eyes and took a firm hold of the hand that had been inching its way toward hers. "No, I definitely don't think you're troubled or a delinquent. I know you're a very sweet girl who just has been dealt a shitty hand in life right now but that doesn't mean things won't get better. It might not seem like that but I promise you this situation isn't permanent. Now, tell me how you're truly feeling. Being in a place like this can't be the easiest and that's okay. You don't have to fake anything in front of me. I'm here to help you. But you know I can only help you if you're honest with me, honey."
Existing in this place wasn't going to be even remotely easy, Lorna corrected, certainly not anymore since she'd been informed Annalisa was also in there. As if the school bullying hadn't been enough now she would have to deal with juvie bullying. She couldn't even begin to imagine how much worse the bullying might be in this place. It wasn't like the guards she had met that day cared for the well-being of any of their underage residents. Lorna was officially doomed. She was doomed and there wasn't anything she could do about it, at least not anything she had been aware of.
"I feel like I wanna go home," was the muttered response that slipped out of Lorna's mouth after several moments of contemplation.
It was the most accurate feeling she could describe it as what she happened to currently be experiencing. There hadn't been a stronger yearning within her for anything other than to get out of that god-awful facility and to be reunited with her older sister. However, with the more time that passed, it was getting clearer to her that she may never end up receiving said desire. Her chest felt heavy at the realization. Air expelled deeply through her nose while her eyes stared angrily up at the ceiling.
Doctor Washington's face flashed a momentary, solemn, smile in Lorna's direction. Once it had vanished just seconds after the fact, she reached across the table and gave a comforting pat to Lorna's hand with the palm of her own. She nodded to her, unable to blame her for wanting that. There was nothing pleasant about having to stay in a juvenile facility. Especially a juvenile delinquent facility like the one Lorna had unfairly been put into. "I'm sorry," she gently said when she had retracted her hand from the brunette's.
Lips twitched into a frown the longer she lingered her stare on Lorna. The agony oozing from her face wasn't hard to observe. Such a fact hadn't been a usual occurrence which made Poussey conclude the only reason her client wasn't trying to hide it at this particular moment like she had done in prior situations was undoubtedly because she hadn't the energy to do so. "I'm trying to work with the agency Mrs. Figueroa is with to see what I can do to get you out of here quicker but I don't know how long that'll be, Lorna. I know this whole situation sucks for you and I'm so sorry you have to go through this. Is there anything I can do for you right now?"
Lorna sighed and swallowed down the same air that just inhaled through her mouth. Shoulders raised up and pressed into her cheeks. If she couldn't take her out of there tonight, there wasn't anything Doctor Washington could do for her. At least not anything that would make her feel less frustrated and agitated. Tears were quick to form in the bottoms of her eyelids but she held them in. Her roommates words were what helped her to do so; she didn't need to draw the other girls to her with her timidity blatantly showing.
"Mrs. Figueroa hates me, Dr. Washington. How is her agency gonna help? They probably think I'm a stupid criminal just like she does," Lorna cried out and threw her hands up in defeat. "I'm gonna spend the resta my life in here because I'm screwed. My sista ain't ever gonna get the guardianship and no foster family will want me so I'm just gonna be in here forever. It's probably a good thing because then I won't be able to ruin anyone else's lives. I should probably be put in a mental hospital instead so the key can be thrown out and I'd be locked in a room until I die. Or if my dad woulda just pulled out maybe I wouldn't even be here to cause all this fucking trouble."
Each comment caused a little bit more of Poussey's chest to ache. It was beginning to become a challenge for her to not display her own emotions or feelings. Hearing and seeing how distraught Lorna was she couldn't put to words what exactly she felt other than having a strong desire to want to protect the young girl. To protect and take care of her as if Lorna were the younger sister she had always wished her parents had given her as a child.
Despite all those feelings, though, she shoved them away and did her best to keep her face its normal calm and professional demeanor. Lorna was her client not her sister she silently reminded herself. She swallowed a lump and gradually slid her hand back across the table until the tips of her fingers were just barely touching against the side of one of Lorna's hands. "Don't you worry about Mrs. Figueroa or the agency, okay? I'll deal with all of that. It's not your problem to have to stress over, Lorna. So, please don't. You already stress and worry over a lot, which isn't good for you," she carefully informed the teen, keeping her tone rather firm.
"Take a couple of breaths. You're working yourself up you're gonna end up with a racing heart if you keep that up—"
"Good, I don't care. Let my heart race, maybe it'll kill me," Lorna bitterly interjected and raised up a hand, waving it violently in the air.
A racing heart was the least of her problems. Death was the least of her problems as well. Hell, death would fucking erase her problems because she'd be dead and would no long have to worry about them or anything else. It would get her out of having to possibly face Annalisa in there and she wouldn't have to go through with any painful medical procedures. Death was looking pretty good right about now to Lorna. Of course, because she saw it as a good thing, that meant the opposite would happen. Lorna didn't get good things because Lorna deserved nothing fucking good. Lorna only deserved bad things since it was clear she was a bad seed. A bad soul.
Poussey profusely shook her head at the girl's rather terrifying statement. A terrifying statement which told her exactly what she needed to know about her client. Her lower lip slightly inverted under her top one. Again she had to control her emotions and remain as professional as possible. "Lorna, are you saying you want your heart to race so it'd kill you?"
Lorna nodded and folded her arms angrily against her chest. "That's exactly what I'm sayin'. It'd get me outta this place and I won't have to give my dad a liver which might just kill me anyway so why should I care if I die now or later? I mean I don't care. Not one bit. I'm just real done. Real real done, Dr. Washington. I don't want to deal with anymore stuff, it's too much and I'm tired."
There were tears that appeared ready to fall from beneath Lorna's eyelids Doctor Washington had clearly been able to observe. The sight made the pang in her chest sharpen. It seemed as though Lorna's emotions had finally caught up with her and any minute she would no longer have the ability to hold them all in anymore. The realization did not come as a surprise to the therapist; it was only a matter of time before something like that were to occur. Lorna couldn't contain her feelings forever. That was an impossible quest. One of the many, many, reasons she always encouraged each of her clients to always allow themselves to feel their feelings when they first started rather than to push them away compared to how Lorna typically had.
"I really don't think dying is the answer to your suffering, Lorna. It may seem like it might temporarily be a solution but death is a permanent thing. In the long run, your death wouldn't solve any of the issues you think it would. Your life matters to so many people—people who are good and kind unlike the ones who are at fault for why you're in this particular situation," she gradually started in on her spiel she had been mentally preparing for the past couple of minutes.
A snuffle of air came in through her nose as she repositioned herself on her plastic chair in a more comfortable manner. Eyes hadn't once removed themselves from Lorna through the entire ordeal. "I promise you you're not gonna be forced to give your father any part of your liver, okay? I'm still working on getting answers to things but as long as the Chapmans no longer have custody over you, they cannot make any decisions on your behalf. And even if that's not the case, I will make sure they know how dire it is that they not go through with consenting to the procedure. Is that the whole reason you're thinking about death right now? Because you're scared of the possibility of being cut into?" Eyebrows arched ponderously over her brown eyes; she secretly hoped that was the only reason Lorna was fixated on dying right now and nothing more sinister was behind her thoughts.
Head lifted slightly up from where it had been previously resting on her folded together arms. Lorna stared right ahead of her into her therapists' highly worried eyes and slightly tilted her head. A sigh whistled from her windpipe as she placed a hand one of her arms that remained on the cold surface of the table, rubbing it with her palm. "How can ya make a promise like that? I mean what can you do about it? You're not my guardian or nothin', why would they listen to you over the Chapmans'? The Chapmans will probably pay them off anyway because they're rich and just want me gone," she muttered, waving a hand in the air. She shook her head and averted her eyes away from Doctor Washington once more.
There happened to be a multitude of reasons why death was seemingly so enticing to her right at this moment. But half of those reasons were ones she could not or would not voice aloud to her therapist. A gesture she knew wholeheartedly would do nothing other than worsen the predicament tremendously. So, instead, she found herself nodding her head. It would be a whole lot easier to just agree with Doctor Washington's observation and continue to make her believe she was only fixated on death because of her fear for having to go through with that terrifying medical procedure.
"I'm real scared of being cut into. It's not even to help a person I like. I don't wanna do it but I don't get to make choices anymore, Dr. Washington. When it was my decision, I couldn't decide and now it's not my decision and I don't wanna save my dad. I'm a bad person and God knows that and that's why he won't let me have a choice. To punish me for being so bad. And if I die that would only benefit me so I'm not allowed to die because I have to suffer for all the real bad things I've done."
Poussey blinked her eyes a couple of times but still couldn't fully comprehend what her client was going on about. She felt utterly baffled to come to terms with just how deeply Lorna believed the words she had spewed only seconds earlier. Had the people who'd abused her ingrained such nonsense in her brain for so long that the poor girl actually thought it to be the truth? That was the only explanation Poussey could come up with which was able to help her somewhat understand Lorna's thought process on the matter.
Of course that certainly had not meant she agreed with anything Lorna said because she did not, it just helped her to comprehend why Lorna felt the way she had about herself. She was conditioned by the abusive people in her life to think that way of herself. And to conclude a thing like that had only added to the tightness already in Poussey's chest. She wondered if Lorna had been this open with Nicky about her feelings; Poussey had an inkling she had yet to do that.
A sigh came out and Doctor Washington brought herself gradually out of her thoughts. Her stare refocused across onto Lorna, who kept her face pointed slightly to the right. Obviously, Lorna was wanting her tears unnoticed by her she figured out from how Lorna chose to position her face in that way. "First of all, Lorna, you are not a bad person. You're not even close to being a bad person," she firmly assured her first and foremost. Lorna was certainly the farthest thing from being a bad human being. Anyone who thought otherwise was clearly just trying to get under Lorna's skin.
She sighed again and held out two fingers. "Second, it's your body being cut into you have every single right to make the final decision on what happens. No one else has the right to tell you your words don't matter on this. I don't care if the Chapmans are the guardians or not, they don't get to make a decision on what happens to your body without including you in on that decision."
"But Mrs. Chapman said I'm not an adult and I can't make any choices. Is that true, Dr. Washington? I can't choose if I get cut into or not because I'm just a stupid teenager?" Desperation seeped vastly through Lorna's voice as she spoke. Her eyes were wide as they stared frantically ahead at a random spot on the wall behind where Doctor Washington had been sitting.
"No, that's not entirely true. You have rights and I'm gonna make sure nothing gets done to you that you have not consented to, okay? No one is violating your body if you're not at all okay with having this procedure done. And, besides that, you're not in good enough shape to undergo any form of operation, anyway. Your physician from the hospital, who I've been in contact with about this situation, is in agreement with that as well. She will not sign off on any procedures no matter who is in charge of them. Your health is in too poor of a condition for you to be put under anesthesia for any length of time."
Both relief and confusion coursed through her body upon hearing her therapist's comment. Her health was in poor condition? Eyebrows scrunched puzzlingly above her eyes. She didn't feel bad at all, how could her health be poor if she felt fine? At least it would stop her from having to donate anything to her father but she sure hadn't felt poorly or sickly. "I don't feel like my health is in poor condition, though. I feel fine. I mean I am fine," she said, raising her shoulders up towards each of her cheeks.
Another response which hadn't surprised Poussey to hear in even the slightest bit. Lorna truly despised admitting to when something hadn't been right, whether it was her health or how other people treated her. It was as if Lorna thought if she admitted to the truth of anything she would be seen as weak or a failure, both of which weren't and would never be the truth. But that was the only way Poussey had been able to figure out why her client was so hell-bent on putting up this 'everything's fine' façade.
She shook her head while staring Lorna over. "You're not fine. I know admitting that is hard for you but you're not fine. Repeating you're fine the way you do is not going to change that fact, honey. Your blood tests are proof of that. You might think you feel okay but your physical appearance also negates that thought you're having."
Lorna mirrored her therapist with her own head shake. It wasn't just thinking she felt okay she did feel okay. She was okay, she was fine. She wasn't in poor health condition like Doctor Washington and her physician thought her to be. And until she had those so called blood tests physically in her hands, she wouldn't believe any of the nonsense they said in regards to her health. Even if that meant she might have to go through with the transplant operation. She was willing to risk her own life to retain her façade of being just fine.
"The only thing wrong with my physical appearance is that the other girls in here can smell my weakness from a mile away. I'm gonna be dead meat in here, Dr. Washington, so none of this health stuff even matters. I probably won't make it in here long enough to have to worry about the condition of my health or the transplant. So, I guess I don't care," shoulders puffed out as she spoke, lips curving down into a solemn frown.
"Stop that talk, Lorna. No one is gonna hurt you in here, and if you feel like someone might you have to tell one of the guards. No, you know what, tell me what's going on and who's threatening to hurt you right now," Doctor Washington sternly commanded, arms crossing firmly over her chest.
Shaking her head fiercely, Lorna copied the older woman by folding her arms over her chest as well. Sometimes it seemed like the adults in her life were more naïve than she was and that was saying a lot because she knew she was one of the most naïve humans to walk the Earth. "That's not true and you know it. And telling the guards would be pointless because one of them was the one to tell me to watch myself in here. They don't care if anything happens to me, Dr. Washington. I told you no one gives a fuck about me," the words shook from her tremoring lips. No longer was she able to retain her tears from falling. They came over the lids of her eyes without even a warning.
That was all it took for Poussey's eyes to fill with their own set of tears. She didn't even try to hold them in; there wasn't a rule that said a therapist couldn't cry in front of her client. Not other than the one she made up on her own. And now was a time she couldn't abide by her own rule. "No, Lorna, that's not true—"
"What's not true? About the guards, how would you know?"
Poussey shook her head strongly and held up a hand. "No about how no one gives a fuck about you," she responded, gritting down on her teeth to try and keep her composure the best she could.
Lorna swallowed uneasily and tightened her arms over her chest. The tears hadn't let up in even the slightest amount. She chewed down on the side of her mouth as if that would miraculously stop them but it did not. "But that is true, no one does. That's why I'm in here because I'm so unlikeable that no foster family can handle me."
"No," Doctor Washington sternly interjected, eyes peering intently at the disheveled brunette. She watched as Lorna's face slowly became soaked with tears and how seconds later a sob shook its way through her diaphragm. Lorna's arms had fallen from their place over her chest and now Doctor Washington observed while one of her hands came sliding across the table nearer her own. Without a single second of hesitation, she took that as her que to grab a gentle, yet firm, hold of it with her own hand. "I give a fuck about you, Lorna," her voice softly spoke out, her hand giving a soothing squeeze to the one cradled in it.
A knot melded into the pit of Lorna's stomach. The disclosure seemed genuine yet she couldn't resist from thinking the only reason her therapist said that was because she was just her therapist. She was paid to care about her. And that made sense—the only way anyone could ever care about her was to be paid to do so. Who could care about Lorna just to care? Clearly, no one. She was a piece of work who wreaked havoc on the lives she was a part of. How could anyone care about a person who only tore their lives apart along with her own? The answer was simple in Lorna's mind, they just couldn't.
"But you're my therapist. If I wasn't a patient who's sista paid for your services, you wouldn't give a single fuck about me. And I mean I couldn't blame ya for that. There's nothing good about me anyway," she pointed out, a few sniffles following directly after.
Her head shook profusely at the comment that had just slipped out of Lorna's mouth. A comment that wasn't even remotely the truth. The hand which had remained in her own Poussey brushed her thumb soothingly from one side of her palm to the other. "That's not true, Lorna, not at all. I would still care about you even if I wasn't your therapist. There's a whole lotta good about you, you just can't see it because of all the self-hatred you're harboring. And the only reason you have so much self-hatred is because of all the abuse you've been put through."
Lorna shook her head in disbelief and released her hand from the therapists' despite having felt some comfort from the stroking sensation around her hand's palm. Instead of allowing herself any amount of comfort, she forced her way up from the chair she'd been sitting on and started angry pacing the length of the room which wasn't much due to how small and enclosed the space happened to be. It wasn't as tight as the walls in the room she'd been assigned but it hadn't been that considerably wider.
Tears flooded her eyes making her vision quite blurry. Hazy as if she'd been surrounded by fog. She could only walk a couple of laps through the room before she fell to her knees and scooted back towards one of the corners. When her back hit the wall's surface she finally stopped moving backwards and now pulled her knees all the way up to right below her chin. Arms held them in place by the pit underneath while her chin rested on the top of them.
Sobs and sniffles tremored through her body while she sat in the corner finally succumbing to her tears.
In a matter of minutes, before Poussey had a chance to react, she heard the sound of the door's knob jiggling and she hurriedly stood up from her chair, inching her way towards to guard the person on the other side from seeing in.
The door opened harshly revealing a peeved off guard glaring distastefully at Doctor Washington. "What the hell's going on in here? Is Morello being an unruly inmate?"
Inmate? Poussey almost flinched at the word her client was being addressed as. However she held her composure and shook her head, bringing her arms up to fold over her chest. "Everything's fine, sir. Lorna's just a little upset but I'll get her calmed down. You don't have to worry. She's really a sweet girl, she just has some emotions she needs to work through," she made to sure to put an emphasis on Lorna's name so that the guard would also refer to her as such. Lorna wasn't a criminal and certainly shouldn't be treated like one.
"Yeah well you better make sure she's calmed down or else. We don't tolerate whatever emotions your client is exhibiting," the guard sternly demanded before violently shutting the door once more causing a visible jolt as it came in contact with the wooden frame.
Poussey took in a breath and then made her way over to the corner where Lorna had herself crouched up in. She knelt down right beside her and placed a delicate hand carefully onto one of Lorna's she saw resting atop the floor. "Lorna, would it be okay with you if I wrapped an arm around your shoulder and gave you a hug?"
A rawness was felt each time Lorna swallowed to somehow stop the sobbing. She craved the comforting physical contact of another human but the self-loathing kept her from moving or responding. As if her entire body froze up and she had no feeling within any of her limbs. The tears were the only thing that still came out of her, much to her dismay. She wanted to wipe at them with her hands but when she tried to lift them they refused to budge in the slightest.
Lorna opened her mouth and a gush of air flew into it making her cough from the unexpected exposure. She finally found it within herself to at least verbalize a response and turned her head in her therapist's direction. "Please," was what sniffled out of her in between bouts of crying. An answer she hadn't expected herself to blurt out but at this point she no longer cared and allowed her body to inch closer to Doctor Washington's.
Nodding her head in acknowledgement to the heartrending plead of her client, Poussey scooted a bit nearer as well and soothingly wrapped both of her arms securely around her shoulder. She carefully brought Lorna closer with her arms, taking Lorna's head and letting it lay softly onto one of her own shoulders. "You're all right, Lorna, I've got ya now. It's okay to let yourself cry, crying is good for you. You're not weak or bad for crying or feeling your emotions. Don't listen to anyone who tells you that nonsense, okay? You're a human being and human beings have emotions for a reason. Emotions are not meant to be held in for long periods of times like you seem to hold them in for," her voice tenderly whispered while she ran one of her hands comfortingly along the length of Lorna's spine.
"But, but, the guard—"
Poussey pulled Lorna closer, rocking soothingly back and forth as she held her. Her head shook and she interjected before Lorna could finish the thought, "What the guard said doesn't matter to me. You are my client and what you need is to feel your emotions. You have held them in for far too long, Lorna. Because of listening to people like that guard. The guard is wrong and has no idea what he's talking about. He probably doesn't let his emotions out either and that's why he made an ignorant comment like that."
Shaking her head, Lorna gripped slightly onto Doctor Washington's shirt and peered frantically up into her eyes. Eyes which stared back with only the utmost empathy and compassion. "But the other girls—they'll, they'll see me as weak if I cry and then they'll shank me or something. I don't want that. I don't want to be in here. Can you take me with you when ya leave, please? Please Dr. Washington? I promise I'll be a good girl from now on, I'll stay with the Chapmans… I'll-I'll give my dad my liver…I'll—"
Arms secured tighter around her, she carefully moved Lorna's head from her shoulder right into the crook of her neck. To keep it gently in place she cautiously rested her chin on the top of Lorna's scalp and stroked her fingertips slowly up and down her back. Her own eyes had now a steady stream of tears falling out of them. It formed a sharp pang in Doctor Washington's chest to hear how incredibly distraught and desperate Lorna happened to currently be.
"Oh, sweetie, I wish I could take you out of here when I leave," she softly started off, continuing the soothing motion around Lorna's spine. When she felt a rather harsh tremor come from Lorna's body, she gently began rocking her again. "You shouldn't be in here; you have done nothing wrong and you don't deserve to be here. You are a good girl, Lorna, you don't have to promise anything. The people who are telling you you're not good—they're the bad ones, honey. Not you. You're not bad."
A pause was taken so that Poussey could inhale a few deep breaths. Her hold on Lorna did not falter. Fingertips remained gently caressing along her spine hoping the movement would ease some of her client's distress. "You shouldn't have to stay with a family that treated you the way the Chapmans did. You're a sweet person and there's no reason you should have to be forced to put up with the behavior they showed to you. Lorna, you're not giving your liver to your dad just to please people who aren't and will never be genuine enough to actually care about you. And it's not your fault they don't care about you, so don't even think that. They don't care because they're not good people."
Sniffles continued escaping through Lorna's windpipe but were muffled since she had turned her head so her face was pressing into the satin of Doctor Washington's blouse. Arms had raised up and thrown themselves desperately around her neck, wishing if she held on tight enough that her therapist would have no choice but to leave the facility with her. "Can't ya just sneak me out with you, please? I really don't wanna go back in there. I don't like it here. I-I thought it would be better than the Chapmans but I was wrong. Real wrong. All the adults are mean here and none a the girls like me. The only nice person is my roommate but I can't stay here, please," her voice frantically cried out as she clung tighter and tighter onto her therapist.
Sucking in her lower lip was Poussey's only chance at stifling the sniffle she felt brewing in her lungs. The sensation of Lorna's needy grip on her just escalated the pang in her chest. Her hold tightened and the rocking picked up a bit. "Lorna, if I could take you out of here I would. I promise you if I was allowed to take you with me I would. But I can't sneak you outta here no matter how bad we both want that. I'm sorry, sweetie, I know that's not what you wanna hear. That's not the answer I wanna give either but it's the only option right now. But that doesn't mean you're gonna be in here for long, okay? I'm gonna find a way to help you out of here and so are the rest of the people who care about you. Nicky stopped by my office this morning; she wants you to know she's thinking about you and she loves you. I know you must be missing her a whole lot right now, yeah?"
Lorna didn't even need to think that question over. Her head nodded on autopilot. More than anything in the entire world did she miss Nicky. Her heart ached tremendously for her Nicky—she worried infinitely for her and if nothing else, hoped Nicky was finally taking care of herself instead of stressing over her. "Is Nicky okay? I'm real worried for her, Dr. Washington."
"She's okay, honey, she just wants what's best for you. If it wasn't for your girlfriend I'd have no clue you were here. She truly cares about you. It's so sweet the relationship you two have."
Bobbing her head slowly up and down Lorna finally felt the tears dry up along with the sniffles ease away. If there was one thing she knew for sure was just how wholeheartedly Nicky loved her—how incredibly much she wanted and worried for her. She didn't ever have to question Nicky's authenticity when it came to the love and compassions she held for her. Nicky showed her endlessly what real love was, what it felt like to be wholly cared about.
"I love Nicky and I just want outta this place so I can see her. Please will you keep an eye on her, Dr. Washington?" She asked, lifting her head from where it had rested beneath the other's chin. Eyes peered desperately into her therapist's brown ones. At least if she could get Doctor Washington's word that she'd keep tabs on Nicky, she wouldn't have to worry as much about whether there might be a possibility she was getting her hands on that pesky heroin again.
Giving a gentle pat against Lorna's back, Poussey nodded her head and let her lips curve into a faint smile. "Sure, Lorna. I'll make sure to check in with her. And I'll also see if I can't talk with the staff here to see if maybe a visit can be set up for you and Nicky. Would you like that? It'll have to do while I keep working on how to get you out of here."
"I'd like that a lot, Dr. Washington. Thank you. I'm sorry for cryin' all over your shirt, I hope I didn't ruin it or nothin'. If I did you can just charge my sista more for the appointment and I'll pay her back," Lorna told her, lifting a hand up and wiping at her eyes.
Poussey couldn't resist from allowing a light-hearted chuckle to escape right after she heard the young teen's comment. Arms tightened around her and she gave one last comforting squeeze to her before finally releasing her hold all together. She carefully stood up and then helped Lorna up as well by the gentle pulling of one of her hands. When they were at eye level—or as close as to eye level as possible with their slight height difference—she fixated her stare into Lorna's eyes with a more serious demeanor. "You never have to apologize to me for crying. You're allowed to cry and I want you to cry when you feel like you need to. Don't worry about my shirt. It can be washed. That's not a problem, honey. Now, you just promise me you'll take care of yourself, okay? And if you need anything, don't be afraid to reach out to me. I gave my contact information to one of the guards so you can tell them to dial out to Dr. Washington if you need to talk to me before I'm able to come visit with you again. And I promise your loved ones and I are working on a way to get you released from here. You just focus on getting through each day one at a time, Lorna. It'll be okay."
Chapter 112
Notes:
I never thought I'd ever end this story but here it is, the final chapter. I already know I'm going to write a sequel to this but I am going to take a month or two break from writing as I just started my new job and will need time to adjust to my new schedule since I will no longer be working from home. Anyway, thank you so very much to those who took the time to read this insanely long story of mine. Sorry it took so many chapters and words for me to get to this point. I still have a plethora of ideas for this story, hah. So a sequel will definitely be in the future.
Chapter Text
Chapter One Hundred Eleven
The first night was not the most comfortable. As soon as Lorna awoke that very next morning each bone in her back felt as stiff as the damn mattress she had slept on. If it weren't for the light shining directly on her face she would have easily brought the blanket up to cover it. Instead, she was forced to push herself up off the bed despite how much her body wanted to lay there limp. She groaned with each movement she made. Her body felt like a couple of elephants had trampled on top of it throughout the night.
"Up and at em', ladies," a deep voice demanded through the open doorway of their room.
Lorna swallowed uneasily when she looked up and saw the male guard standing between the two sides of the wall where the door usually rested when it was shut. She looked over at the other bed and watched as Maria was just about done folding the blanket neatly over the mattress. Slowly, her head turned back to her own bed and she realized how unkempt hers appeared in comparison.
Apparently the guard noticed that as well as he walked over to Lorna's side of the room and angrily gestured his hand towards her very obviously unmade bed. "Don't just stand around, Morello, get this damn bed fixed and put together. What do ya think this is, huh? You think we have fucking maid service here? No, we don't, so get movin'," he barked, saliva falling out with his words and landing on Lorna's face.
The sensation instantly received an uncomfortable flinch out of her but she quickly shook it away and abided by the demand she was being given. Within seconds she was kneeling on the mattress, trying to pull the cover neatly over top of it but each time she pulled it up under her pillow a new wrinkle showed up and she had to fix it. It took merely five minutes for her to get it the way she felt it should be and when she got back up from where she'd been kneeling, she turned towards the guard just in time to see his disapproving head shake. Eyes quickly darted onto her bed again and her face scrunched up as she noticed there didn't appear to be anything wrong with the blanket or her pillow.
Baffled at the guard's expression, she turned her head once more away from the mattress and looked up at him. "Is there something wrong with the bed? It looks fine to me," she braved up to voice her inquiry, surprising herself. Shoulders puffed out in a shrug while she shifted her eyes between the guard and the bed in question.
However what occurred next certainly hadn't been anything Lorna was expecting. She watched in horror as the guard walked over to the top of her bed where the pillow was and ripped both the pillow and blankets off of it, tossing them harshly to the ground. Her hand covered atop her mouth so that her trembling lips couldn't be seen by neither him nor her roommate.
When he finished he turned back towards Morello and crossed his arms over his chest, a sly smirk displayed upon his face. Hands gestured profusely at the disheveled bed, "You obviously don't know how to make a bed the right way. Get over there and learn how to make it the right way. And hurry the hell up because classes start in ten minutes. If you're late, I'll make sure you're assigned extra grunt work."
The guard left the room but the door remained open.
Lorna swallowed a lump that had uneasily settled at the back of her throat and quickly went to work at making her bed a second time. Tears could be felt at the bottom her eyelids but she forced them to stay put. Regardless what Doctor Washington had said to her yesterday, she refused to allow herself the chance to cry in juvie. The people there didn't give a shit about her or her emotions contrary to what her therapist might or might not have believed or said.
It proved to be a bit of a challenge retaining the tears but she did it. There wasn't any other choice besides forcing them to stay right where they were. Lorna wasn't about to give the other girls in there a reason to automatically dox her. She had no clue how long she was going to have to live in this facility and she sure as fuck didn't want to spend the entire time trying to keep herself out of harms way. Though, with how aggressive the guards seemed to be she might not have a choice but to do exactly that every day.
Ruiz gathered her books and folders from the desk that separated her bed from Morello's. When she had them all contained underneath one of her arms, she turned towards Morello with a sympathetic expression melded on her face. "Don't mind Mr. Dixon as his name implies, he's just a dick to everyone. Even the other guards don't like him. He likes to do that to all the newbies, it's stupid. But we do need to hurry to the class because he ain't kiddin' about giving ya grunt work. Trust me, you don't want that," she informed her and waved a hand to gently but firmly to move Morello along.
Giving a nod, Lorna hurriedly finished remaking the bed and then went over to follow behind Maria out of the room. She hoped to God she didn't run into Annalisa in whatever the hell class they were headed to.
As they entered inside of the classroom door, which appeared just as run down as everything else in that building had, Lorna couldn't help but stare around at her surroundings. All the rooms in the facility were small and cramped. This classroom certainly wasn't an exception to that. This room couldn't have been much larger than the visitation room where she met with Doctor Washington yesterday evening. She subtly shook her head at the observation while continuing to make her way in behind Maria.
Eyes watched as the taller teen sat down in a desk in the middle of the classroom behind another girl. The girl gave an uneasy stare towards Lorna while she timidly passed by, she noticed through the corner of her eye. She swallowed thickly instead of giving into the flinch her body naturally wanted to do. Her stare returned to directly in front of her and she had planned to settle herself in the desk behind her roommate but now upon glancing at it, the chair had already been occupied so she reluctantly continued down the column of desks until she arrived at an empty one.
Sitting down in the chair connected to the metal desk, she felt her eyes widen quite a bit when it wobbled slightly forward. Hands instantly covered over her mouth. Of course she'd pick the desk that was unstable. Which was fitting for her since she knew she was unstable as well. Maybe that was the reason the desk she chose to sit at was wobbly, because her mind was a wobbly fucking mess just like her life now. Everything about her was wobbly, unstable, and a fucking mess.
A sigh came out of her as she tried to settle somewhat in her chair. But just when she felt almost comfortable a finger tap on her shoulder had her body innately jolting upwards. Naturally, she turned around to where she felt the tap come from and was unpleasantly met with Annalisa's icy blue eyes peering directly into her own. The color in her face immediately drained and her body became limp against the seat she sat on. Her life truly could not be more fucked up right now if it tried. Things only continued to get worse the longer the day went on. What the hell was next? Was Annalisa going to shove her in a locker in juvie? Did they even have lockers in there?
Lorna quickly turned back around so she was facing the front of the classroom again. Arms rested on the top of her desk's surface and within seconds she was laying her head right over top of them. The tapping on her shoulder from behind resumed and each time she felt it, she buried her face deeper into her sprawled out arms.
However, sat in the desk behind her, Annalisa didn't take kindly to being ignored. So the next time she brought her fingers across to tap on Lorna's shoulder, she instead moved them towards the back of her head and used her entire hand to violently grab it up off of the table. She held harshly the crown of Lorna's head in her hand firmly turning it until Lorna's face was facing her own. Blue eyes glared darkly into brown ones. "What're ya doing in juvie, Morello? Did ya accidentally step on a bug after school?" The questions were mockingly asked, a smirk instantly melding onto her face.
Moving her head away was not an option with how strong the blonde's grasp was on it. Lorna swallowed a wad of saliva and tried to hold in her emotions as best she could. Teeth dug into the flesh of her tongue; eyes squeezed shut so she wouldn't have to stare any longer at Annalisa's demonic face. Only she would be trapped in juvie with her own school bully. Only she would be sent to juvie for something that wasn't even fucking illegal. Only she would be forced by her foster family to undergo a medical procedure that was to benefit her own abusive father. Life really hadn't mixed well with Lorna Morello. Nothing was going her way. Nothing was even going in the right direction. Her life was a mess and all she could do was sit back and watch the shit show happen. There wasn't a thing she could fucking do to stop it. As if she was a puppet in someone else's control, a puppet to entertain and amuse whoever that someone happened to be.
Fortunately, though, before anything else had the chance to occur between Lorna and Annalisa the teacher came in and shut the door loudly behind her.
With a fierce amount of reluctance, Annalisa released her hands from the crown of Lorna's head and pushed her back into her desk for that last little bit of pleasure. She cleared her throat boisterously and when Lorna timidly turned her face around Annalisa waved a hand at her along with giving a taunting sneer. "We'll continue this conversation later, Morello," the words came out in a rather stern demand as they usually had any time Annalisa spoke to the brunette.
Lorna returned her head to the front of the room once more and subtly shook her head at the order she was given. As if her say didn't matter all. Of course to Annalisa nothing about her mattered other than her suffering and pain. She brought both of her hands up to her face, rubbing them violently over each of her cheeks. A frustrated breath huffed its way out of her mouth. This was like high school but on steroids with teachers who didn't care if the student's succeeded or failed.
Eyes landed on the only adult in the room, who was preparing her desk from the sound of papers crinkling about. Getting a better look at the woman now Lorna nearly choked once she noticed her to be the very same high school counselor she had spent a good portion of the last half of the year meeting with in the guidance office. A slight bout of relief and comfort poured over to realize that very fact. Maybe there was a small bright side in all of this.
Despite the relief, a puzzlement set in and her forehead formed creased lines quite profoundly. What was Mrs. Mendoza doing working here at the delinquent center as a teacher? Her mind grew riddled with queries and anxiety-induced thoughts. Did that mean she was no longer a counselor at the high school? With the restless slumber and lack of coffee Lorna couldn't make sense of any of this. It baffled her to a point where she felt a nauseating wave of anger. But she couldn't act on the anger with all the people in way too close proximity to her.
Tears once again formed at the pit of her eyelids and when she lifted her hands up to her face, she ragefully smashed them against her cheeks letting her nails scrape along the flesh beneath them. Teeth dug into her tongue, she couldn't handle this anymore. It was too much. She wanted the fuck out and wanted the fuck out now.
"Mm fear," Annalisa's voice whispered from behind. She took her math book off of her desk and threw it to the floor right next to it. Eyes watched Lorna closely, grateful when they immediately noticed how violently her petite body flinched at the sound of her book colliding with the hard cement floor underneath it.
"Damiva," Mrs. Mendoza's voice firmly called out as she turned from the chalkboard she had been writing the days' lesson notes on. Hands curled onto either sides of her hips, eyes giving a stern glare to the young blonde. She shook her head disapprovingly at the teen's decision to throw a book onto the floor. Sometimes she wondered if any of these teenagers were aware of what manners and etiquette were. "Please enlighten me as to why you just threw that very expensive math book on the floor. Do I need to write you up already? Class hasn't even started yet and you're already causin' a ruckus."
The blonde rolled her eyes while picking the book up off the floor and placing it right back where it previously rested on the corner of her desk. "Oh, my bad. I was just tryna greet our new classmate, Mrs. Mendoza. I guess I got slippery hands," she shrugged, a sly smirk on her face as she waggled her eyes in the teacher's direction.
Lorna swallowed a lump and sunk further into her seat so she wasn't noticeable to the other classmates. However, her attempt to make herself unseen hadn't accomplished what she had hoped for. The whole room had their eyes on her—the other teen's, aside from Maria, were giving her menacing look overs while Mrs. Mendoza had to cover her mouth to hold in the blatant shock she experienced first realizing the new student to be Lorna Morello.
Mrs. Mendoza gave a sympathetic glance in Lorna's direction before shifting her eyes onto Annalisa once more. Hands still curled over each of her hips. "You better cool it, Damiva. There will be no toleration of bullying in my classroom of any kind. And if any of ya feel the need to disregard that rule, I'll see to it that you're given cleaning duty of all the bathrooms. Do I make myself clear, ladies?"
Though the entire room was filled with a plethora of echoing groans, all of the girls gave head nods in acknowledgement to Mrs. Mendoza's question. She nodded back and quickly returned to her previous task she was working on on the chalkboard.
A couple of hours later had the teens filing out of the classroom in a not so orderly fashion. Mrs. Mendoza waited until they were all out of there, other than Lorna who remained in her seat, before going over to close the door and then joining Lorna near the desks. She stood beside her, placing a comforting hand onto one of her cheeks. That same hand cautiously lifted Lorna's head so that their eyes were looking in the same general area.
Taking the time to thoroughly look Lorna over Mrs. Mendoza sensed a tightness forming in her chest. Her face scrunched up slightly as she pondered about how Lorna was sitting in front of her right at this particular moment. How she was sitting in front of her at this moment in a juvenile delinquent center with the same girl who bullied her in the high school. The longer she thought about it the more confused she became. Lorna wasn't a trouble maker or a bully like the majority of the girls in this facility were. There was no plausible explanation Mrs. Mendoza could come up with for what Lorna was doing in a facility like this one.
"First, are you okay?" Mrs. Mendoza queried, brushing the tips of her fingers comfortingly along the length of Lorna's cheek.
Shoulders raised up and slumped forward again. A question she wasn't sure she had an answer for. She hadn't felt one way or the other, all she wanted was the fuck out of the fucking place. Everything was going to shit around her and she couldn't gain control. She was out of control and she fucking hated it. Anger was quick to reclaim its hold over her. Lorna slammed a hand down harshly onto the metal surface of the desk and felt the tears finally leave her eyes.
"I'm fine," she muttered distastefully through angrily gritted teeth. She moved both of her hands up to her face, smashing them violently into her cheeks. "I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fucking fine." As if the more she proclaimed it the truer the statement would become. When clearly, she felt the fucking opposite of fine. Death sounded immensely good to her right about fucking now.
Mrs. Mendoza shook her head and encircled her arms gently around Lorna's quivering body. She pulled her in so that Lorna's face naturally fell to rest against her chest. The tightness in her chest intensified and her motherly instincts instantly clicked on. Lorna's body language proved to her the words she spoke were nothing more than a lie. Lorna wasn't even a tad bit fine. She looked on the brink of a breakdown. Mrs. Mendoza was just grateful it was in her classroom that Lorna was about to have it in. At least she could provide her with the comfort and compassion the other adults in this building were lacking.
She placed a hand on the top of Lorna's head and slowly massaged the tips of her fingers into her scalp. "You sure don't look fine. And the fact that ya felt the need to hit your hand onto the desk negates the opinion that you think you're fine. Now tell me how you're really feeling," her voice was kept soft but firm.
"Angry. I'm really fucking angry and I just want the fuck outta this stupid place. I hate it here I hate everything. I hate everyone." The rage was intense, so intense Lorna wanted to claw her eyes right out from their sockets. She wanted to get something sharp and stick it through her fucking skin. She wanted to walk onto a busy street and get mauled to death by a big ass truck.
It was a fierce anger Mrs. Mendoza took a note of when she felt Lorna trying her hardest to escape the embrace. A frown molded to her face as she only secured her arms around the young teen. The massaging of her scalp continued but in a softened manner. "I'd be angry too if I were here. This place is awful. They don't clean it properly, they don't buy new equipment to replace the old worn out shit. It's a dump this place," Mrs. Mendoza agreed, gently stroking her fingers along the baseline of Lorna's scalp. "What happened? Why are you in here, sweetheart?"
"I don't wanna talk about it. I'm sick of talking about it—"
"Lorna, come on, tell me how you got in here. I know for a fact you're a good person and there's no way you could possibly have gotten yourself in trouble with the law."
Lorna forced herself furiously from Mrs. Mendoza's arms and started walking towards the front of the room where the teacher's desk was. Enough was enough. She couldn't handle the fucking rage anymore she needed some fucking release. And clearly, since she wasn't getting released from this shit hole, the only other logical release was finding a sharp object to cut herself with. She didn't even care if Mrs. Mendoza witnessed her do it. She was already at rock bottom, it's not like there was anything lower than that.
When she got close enough, she searched the area precisely until she came across a pair of scissors sitting in a glass jar alongside a bunch of pens and pencils. In a matter of seconds those scissors were being tightly engulfed by her hands and brought up closer to her eyes for a methodical inspection. Just the act of having them in her possession instantly brought a bit of calmness over her. As though holding the scissors meant she had control of her life again. It was in her control what she did with those scissors. She got to decide which part of her body she wanted to stick them through; how much pressure to put; how long she held them there. It was all her choice to make.
Witnessing the entire ordeal, Mrs. Mendoza acted on autopilot. She walked hurriedly up behind Lorna and immediately tried to grab a hold of the scissors. "Lorna, let go of them right now," she sternly ordered her. Eyes peered heatedly across into the teen's brown ones.
Shaking her head profusely Lorna only tightened her grasp on the scissors. No way was she going to allow them out of her hands. This was the only possible way she could get any bit of relief and she wasn't about to let it slip away from her. "I need them, Mrs. Mendoza. Let me have them…please. I need scissors," she desperately pleaded, staring frantically back at the older woman. No matter how fierce Mrs. Mendoza's stare was Lorna wouldn't release her grip from those scissors. That was the only thing she had to help her gain control of her life with she couldn't give in and lose them.
"And what is it you need these scissors for?" Mrs. Mendoza hardened her stare but did not release her grasp from the object either. She didn't need to hear Lorna's response to know exactly why she had the scissors in her hands to begin with.
Biting down on the corner of her mouth, Lorna shifted her eyes away from the all too easily knowing eyes of her high school's counselor. Neither one of them was about to let go of those damn scissors. So much for her plan to get relief. Teeth bit harder onto the inside flesh of her mouth. Why couldn't just one measly thing go right in her fucking life? "It don't matter. Just let me have them, please. Why won't ya just lemme have em', Mrs. Mendoza?" Impatience gradually seeped up and slid from her voice.
Placing one hand onto her hip, Mrs. Mendoza tilted her head to the side and gave a serious stare at the young teen. A stare that told her she wasn't stupid. "It absolutely matters to me, Lorna. Do you think I'm an idiot? I know exactly why ya want those scissors and I'm not letting you have them because of that. Now you let them go right this minute. I mean it, let go," she ordered, the sternness inflecting strongly through each word she spoke.
Lorna shook her head and threw up her free hand in exasperation. "Why do I want the scissors then?"
Compassion shined through Mrs. Mendoza's eyes as she peered into Lorna's. Her other hand was lifted up and soothingly cupped around Lorna's pale cheek. Tips of her fingers slowly stroked around its flesh, slower and slower each time she observed a flash of fury come across Lorna's face. "You tell me, sweetheart. You're very self-destructive, why else would you be looking for scissors? Or was it scissors you had in mind? Maybe just whatever sharp thing you could find, yeah?"
The fact that it sounded like Mrs. Mendoza was speaking exactly what thoughts had run through her mind when she was galloping around the room just a few minutes ago caused the color in Lorna's face to instantly drain away. Why was it so easy for people to read her but she couldn't even figure out one measly thought they might possibly be thinking? Had she just been cursed with an overly predictable behavior pattern?
She anxiously rested a hand on her neck and aggressively scraped her nails into the skin of it. "So what if I was lookin' for something sharp?" Anger gradually began building once more; nails continued to claw into the back of her neck. "Everything in my life fucking sucks right now and I wanted some damn relief, is that so fucking bad of me? Am I not allowed to make myself feel betta? Am I not allowed to get some fucking release? Why do ya have to care what the fuck I do? Why does anyone fucking care? Oh that's right no one does care. That's why I'm in this stupid fucking delinquent center anyway is because I'm so fucking unlikeable. No family wants to take care of me because I'm a troubled little ungrateful teenager. So sue me for wanting to find a sharp object so I can gain just a teeny little bit of control over my life. Everyone else can make decisions when it comes to my life, why the fuck can't I?"
For several moments, Mrs. Mendoza opened and closed her mouth without any words slipping out. Speechless was a bit of an understatement. She swallowed thickly, trying to find her voice again. Her voice may have been a temporary challenge to find but strength wasn't—she yanked the scissors right from under Lorna's grasp and quickly shoved them in her jacket's pocket so they were no longer in Lorna's line of view tempting her.
With those scissors finally out of the way, she immediately took Lorna into her arms and sat down with her in her desk chair. Many silent moments she allowed to pass by as she just sat there rocking Lorna against her. Hands comfortingly rubbed up and down the length of her spine, hoping to ease even a smidge of the girl's fury away. She shook her head sadly to hear just how broken and distraught the young brunette truly happened to be. It was bound to happen at some point—for a catastrophe to finally occur with how much time and energy Lorna put into covering up her emotions, her feelings. Now she was paying the price for all of that emotional hold back.
When she was able to regain her composure as well as formulate how to respond to Lorna's slight mental break down, Gloria took both of her hands away from Lorna's spine and instead framed them softly around each one of her cheeks. She held Lorna's face up directly in front of her own peering empathetically into her teary brown eyes. "Honey, cutting yourself with a pair of scissors is not gonna make you feel better. It may provide a temporary spurt of relief but that relief isn't gonna last and when it's gone you're just gonna want to cut yourself even more," the words effortlessly made their way out of her while she used the palms of her hands to caress from the tops of Lorna's cheeks down to the bottoms.
Lorna raised her shoulders and waved her own hands frustratingly in the air. That was the entire reason she craved to cut those scissors through her skin. She didn't give a fuck if the relief wasn't going to last; having to cut herself again wasn't a problem to her. She would cut and cut until there was no skin left to cut. Maybe it would even assist in getting rid of all the extra fat sitting throughout her body. That wasn't why she desired to do it but she wouldn't be disappointed to see the fat go with it.
"I don't care."
Gloria frowned and tightened her arms around Lorna's petite frame. Lorna's response was obvious. She was too blinded by the anger to really think about how poorly of decision it would be to start taking a pair of scissors to her skin. Or any type of sharp object for that matter. "I know you don't, Lorna. I wish you did care. You have a lotta behaviors that aren't okay. Behaviors that are hurting you. It makes my heart hurt to see how little you value yourself. Why do you feel the way ya do about yourself, hmm?"
Value herself so little? A thought hadn't even crossed Lorna's mind. There wasn't anything about her worth valuing. If there was maybe half the things she'd endured would have never happened at all. Maybe her father wouldn't have spent so many years abusing her and telling her what an ungrateful piece of shit she was. Maybe uncle George wouldn't have forced himself on her if she'd have had some sort of value. But clearly, because of what so many people had done to her, she was valueless. It was pointless to value herself when her own family didn't. When the child protective system didn't.
How could she value herself when people around her hadn't even? Lorna shook her head and bit down roughly on her lip. Talking wasn't what she needed or wanted to do at this particular moment. She wanted those scissors back so she could get the relief she heavily desired. But there was no way to get them with how Mrs. Mendoza was holding her and guarding the pocket she had placed the scissors in.
"I want the scissors. I don't want to talk about this. I want the scissors and I want to be left alone," she persisted, absolutely refusing to discuss anymore the topic at hand. The past two days were spent talking and if she had to talk another second she was going to physically combust.
"You're not getting the scissors, Lorna. You can want them all day and night but you're just not gonna get them. I do not condone self-harming behavior and I will not ever enable you to do so if I can help it. Now, you can sit here with me and we can stare at the wall until the sun goes down or you can tell me what would even make you consider trying to hurt yourself with a pair of damn scissors."
Frustration came to a boiling point, the entirety of Lorna's body grew intensely fidgety. Those scissors were her only lifeline to gaining back control and now were once again too far from her reach. Angry tears spilled out of her eyes making her fiercely shove her hands up to the flesh underneath them and clawing her nails at it to force the tears away. "I'm unwanted and unlikeable by everyone, so why the fuck should I care if I end up ruining my body with sharp things? People already don't want me, so it don't even matter."
Hearing Lorna's disclosure instantly brought a frown to Gloria's face and a pang to her chest. To know how deeply pained, how traumatized Lorna was from the foster system—her father's abuse—it was a hard thing for Gloria to digest. Her maternal instincts came in strong. If either of her sons were ever somehow put in a situation like that, she wouldn't be able to contain herself from going after the people personally responsible for their agony. The people who only strengthened their self-hatred. Teeth were gritting together the more she allowed her mind to ponder. It was sick to think there were adults capable of abusing and manipulating a sweet girl such as Lorna the way they had done to her. She couldn't fathom how much evil had to be inside of those people to make them want to take part in something so vile to begin with.
No one should have to feel the way Lorna felt about herself. Not an adult nor a child. Especially not a child, Gloria sadly thought with a shake of her head. The fact that Lorna felt so much self-loathing at only fifteen worried Gloria to think how much that would grow as she got older. Unless something was done about it quickly she feared Lorna may never learn to love or care about herself. She sighed, swallowing thickly down a bout of saliva that had formed.
Her arms gave a delicate squeeze to the young brunette's shoulders she had them wrapped around. "I can understand why ya feel that way, Lorna. But I promise you you're not unwanted or unlikeable by the people who truly matter," she patted a hand soothingly against the upper part of Lorna's back while concurrently pulling her a bit closer. Eyes gazed compassionately down into the deeply pained brown ones across from her. "You and your life are too precious for you to even think about harming yourself with scissors or knives or whatever object you find. You've already been caused enough physical and emotional pain by other people, you don't deserve to have it caused by your own self. You didn't deserve to be caused it by other people, either. It makes me just so sick to think about the fact that your own father could do what he did to you. I can't understand how a parent could even consider hurting their child let alone go through with actually doing so. His job was to protect you and keep you safe from predators but instead he was the damn predator. I'm so sorry you've had to live through a situation as horrid as that."
A hand waved up in the air as she went on speaking. "And then, now, for you to be put in a situation where you have to decide whether to give your dad a part a your liver—I can't express enough how enraged I am for you. You don't deserve to be going through any of this. You shouldn't be put through this, you're a child. This is not a responsibility that should ever be put on you—"
Arms immediately crossed over Lorna's chest as she gave a dark look up to Mrs. Mendoza. "I never told ya bout' the liver transplant, how would ya know that? Are you and Dr. Washington talking about me behind my back?" Eyebrows arched up skeptically above her eyes. Anger morphed into betrayal. The idea of anyone talking about her personal life behind her back made her feel vastly uneasy. Made her question if those people were as genuine as they claimed to be.
Gloria noticed the defensive stance immediately upon Lorna's interjection. It was a hard thing for Lorna to grasp around the relationship between she and her therapist. Lorna saw it as a betrayal when really the two only conversed about her as a means to plan the best way to help her through the many tribulations she was facing. But, regardless of that, Mrs. Mendoza could see why Lorna came to a conclusion like that one—with having dealt with all those tribulations, it would cause anyone to become suspicious and skeptical of other people's intentions.
"You did not tell me, you're right on that. Doctor Washington and I discuss your care in a private and professional manner, Lorna. It's not to upset or hurt you; we just are a team who want to find the best way we can help you. To you it may seem like we're breaking your trust but we're not. We're both just here to help you through everything. And sometimes, in cases like yours, it's better to have two people than one," she carefully tried to explain it to her.
However, Lorna shook her head and became a bit more defensive. Was she that much of a nuisance that not even one therapist could help her? She was so fucked up and complex she needed an entire team of them. Being told such wasn't easing away any of the skepticism that was for damn sure. "So basically what ya mean is is that I'm too screwed up for one person to be able to help me? I'm just a case to you and Dr. Washington? A fucked up case at that. I knew she only cared because she's just my therapist. I told her that, too, and she lied to my face. People only care about me if they're getting paid," her voice lowered and her bottom lip slightly tremored. Anger and rage finally dissipated but in their place were a heap of tears ready to spill over.
"That is the biggest load of nonsense, Lorna. Dr. Washington and I both truly care about you and want to help you heal from what you've been through. You're not a case to either one a us, I'm sorry for wording it that way. I didn't intend it to come across as if that's all ya are because you're not. Believe me, honey, if she or I didn't want to help you we'd have insisted you find a better suiting therapist. But that won't happen because we do want to help you. Whether you believe that or not," Gloria did her best to assure the young brunette teenager despite knowing what a mere impossible task that would be. Lorna was one of the most—if not the most—stubborn person she'd ever met and that said a lot. In her little over a decade of being a school counselor as well as juvenile facility educator she had met her fair share of stubborn students, however, none of them were as tightly wound as Lorna constantly appeared to be.
A sigh quietly expelled its way up from Mrs. Mendoza lungs as she softened the features on her face. Her arms released from around Lorna's body and instead she placed a hand on either side of her face, framing it right in front of her own. "You're not some fucked up case or fucked up at all. I'm sorry you've had people in your life who've made ya feel that way, Lorna, but I can assure you none of that is true. You're a sweet girl with a big heart and people who say otherwise are just spiteful," she stroked her thumb along the length of each of her cheeks she had her hands pressing into.
"If I wasn't fucked up I wouldn't be in this stupid place," frustration easily inflected through Lorna's voice.
Why else would Mrs. Figueroa lock her up in a facility such as the one she was trapped in right now? Only fucked up people got themselves in situations like the ones she had gotten into. Only fucked up people were considered burdens on society like she clearly must have been. Those were the only reasons Lorna could think of as to why she was where she was at this particular moment. Nothing else made sense other than those that had just played through her mind.
Shaking her head disagreeably, Mrs. Mendoza used her thumb to stroke a comforting circle around Lorna's cheek. Her heart soared for the girl's obvious pain. The frustration which hadn't gone unnoticed by her whatsoever. There had to be some kind of explanation as to why Lorna had truly been put in this sort of environment. At least she hoped there was because she surely couldn't see Lorna ever doing anything to render herself worthy of being in a juvenile delinquent center.
Had the social services system gotten so corrupted that they were just randomly throwing children without available homes into delinquent centers now? Many thoughts and queries whirled through Gloria's mind while her eyes intently searched over Lorna to try to find any clues. None of which were found due to how hard Lorna was to read. A sigh whistled from her throat. "You aren't fucked up," she gently repeated, giving a slight frown. Air huffed out of her between talking. "What happened that you're in here? Can ya tell me that? You're not a criminal, I can't imagine you doing anything to get yourself in this kinda place."
"I don't want to talk about it."
"Yes, you do. It's okay to admit that. You're allowed to talk about things that have hurt or upset you if that's what you want to do, Lorna. You don't have to keep everything inside of you. That's what makes you turn to destructive behaviors is when you refuse to talk about those things," Gloria sternly, albeit gently, pointed out negating Lorna's comment entirely. A comment she knew was only another façade being put up by the girl. A façade that was slowly, yet certainly, killing Lorna.
Lorna shook her head in protest and forced her way out of Mrs. Mendoza's grasp. She backed farther and farther away unsure exactly of where to go. Eyes darted around the room but she didn't situate herself anywhere, only walked away from the desk she and Mrs. Mendoza had been standing behind for the past several minutes.
Gloria observed the whole ordeal and followed behind her. She stopped her from pacing any longer with a hand resting onto her shoulder. Their eyes peered in the same direction and she sighed. "Come on, Lorna, let's sit down and talk about this. Whatever is going on, it's clearly gotten worse and talking through it might help a little. Maybe I can help you out of this situation."
There was no other option than for Lorna to follow Mrs. Mendoza from the sensation of one of her hands being gently taken by hers. The pair settled into a couple of chairs in the back of room separated by a small table. It was a heavily reluctant choice on Lorna's behalf—or rather lack there of choice. She crossed a leg over the one she had dangling off the edge of the seat, barely touching the ground from her short stature.
Eyes peered down at the floor beneath where her foot hardly rested over. In silence she counted how many tiny dots made up the pattern of said floor. But her mental counting didn't last long. She heard Mrs. Mendoza's throat clearing and exhaled a deep breath. Shoulders raised up to the sides of her face. "I spent the night at a friend's house the other day instead of staying at the Chapman's and Mrs. Figueroa said I hadda go here because a that," the words were spoken not much louder than a mere whisper.
It took a couple of minutes for Lorna's response to process through Gloria's mind. The response was hardly comprehendible to her. Showed her that the system truly was that bad in today's society. A system that was supposed to be helping children was now only making things worse for them. There was no sense behind the reasoning for Lorna's being here—Gloria had figured it might have been something to do with the foster situation but this was much more fucked up than what she thought it could have been.
Her eyebrows curved upwards the longer her stare dwindled on Lorna. "Is that the whole story, Lorna? Did anything else happen? I just—I'm in shock the social worker would do something like that. That's just insane and illogical."
Biting down on the tip of her tongue, Lorna turned her head slightly away from the older woman and fixed her eyes on the only window in the room. A small, barred, window which was hard to see out of. It was hard for her to believe the life she led now. In less than a year her life went from mostly normal to a complete and utter mess. The death of her mother was the death of normalcy. Her mother made their family what it was and now their family had been in shambles. Or, rather, more in shambles now than before her passing.
Now, she was stuck in this shit facility because no one else wanted the responsibility of taking care of her. The one person who did was refused such by the court of the state. Lorna raised a hand up and placed it on one of her temples, rubbing it until her fingers were digging into the bone of it. Maybe refused wasn't the proper way to describe it but clearly if that court was taking this long to approve it they hadn't want Franny to be granted guardianship of her. Her dad must have somehow got in contact with them to fuck up her life even more. He couldn't stand the mere thought of Lorna living a happy life. God forbid.
The world just wasn't for Lorna. No matter what she did, regardless of how good it might have been, she would never have the chance to live the same normal life she once had. Everything was stacked against her and she lacked the ability to move past any of it. The hole she'd somehow managed to get herself in was too deep for her to ever fully climb out of it. But, now that almost a year had passed, she had come to accept that fact. This was her life and would be until the day she took her last breath. Whenever that might be.
"Well, before that I stayed a couple nights at my sista's place. And we were having coffee at the hospital cafeteria and Mrs. Figueroa showed up there—I think she was stalkin' me…with that stupid tracking chip the stupid Chapman's put in my shoes. She told me then if I kept not staying at the Chapmans' house she'd throw me in juvie. I didn't listen so I guess I'm the reason why I'm here," shoulders lifted up to her cheeks. Being here still was better than if she had stayed with the Chapman's. Even with being in close proximity of Annalisa, she thought. At least Annalisa wasn't going to cut her open and take out any of her organs like Mrs. Chapman had been about to sign off on for her.
Crossing her arms intriguingly over her chest, Gloria arched both eyebrows as she stared intently at the young brunette. The reason still remained a ludicrous one in her mind. She couldn't imagine it was legal for Mrs. Figueroa to put Lorna in a juvenile delinquent center such as this one just because she hadn't been staying at the Chapman's house. But it did confirm that she was right to believe Lorna hadn't done anything criminally wrong to get herself placed in this facility.
While her stare had remained on Lorna, she observed her behavior rather thoroughly. Watching as she kept her own brown eyes on the window fixed on the wall on the side of the room near the heating and cooling system. "That's no reason for you to be in here, Lorna. I'm so sorry you've been put in this situation unfairly. But, out of curiosity, is there a reason you didn't wanna stay with the Chapman's after Mrs. Figueroa told ya about that bullshit rule?" Eyes stayed on Lorna's face despite not having the gesture returned.
A gob of saliva coated itself over Lorna's tongue. She unnervingly swallowed it down and shifted her foot against the tiled-floor beneath it. Gradually, she turned her head back towards Mrs. Mendoza and peered exasperatingly into her eyes. Ones that stared into hers with a heaping overload of compassion. "Well, Mrs. Figueroa took me away from the hospital and drove me to their stupid house. But Mrs. Chapman was sittin' talkin' about how she was going the next morning to sign consent forms so I'd have to go through with the transplant," was the shortened response she gave to answer Gloria's query. It tried her to have to continuously repeat the story to anyone who chose to interrogate her about it.
Each time Gloria thought things couldn't possibly deteriorate for Lorna she was proven just how vastly wrong she was in such an assumption. It tugged tremendously on her heart to hear how incessantly Lorna's predicament worsened more and more. The girl couldn't seem to ever catch a break and that wasn't fair. No one should have to be dealt a continuous bad hand of cards the way Lorna always appeared to be handed. "Oh, Lorna," she murmured softly, reaching over the table to place a comforting hand onto one of Lorna's she saw sitting restlessly above its surface. "I'm so sorry to hear that. I don't even know what to say. How could Mrs. Chapman even consider making such a decision? You're in no physical condition to be undergoing a procedure as dangerous as that and regardless, you shouldn't have to go through with that anyway. It's not your responsibility to save a person who's fucking spent a lot of your childhood abusing you. The same person who's the reason for all of what's going to fucking begin with."
"Mrs. Chapman said the only good thing I could do is give my liver to my poor, sick, dad. But I think she just wants me to do the transplant so she don't have to have me in her house no more. Cause' my dad would get betta and I'd be sent back home with him," Lorna told her, bowing her head down so her eyes gazed onto the material of the pants covering atop her legs. Air sadly made its way out of her throat. Either she lived in this place or went home to her father. Neither were choices that sounded good to her but the choice was not hers to make. None of them were. She had no say in her own life. Not even over her own damn body, her own fucking organs. She didn't own anything according to Mrs. Figueroa and Mrs. Chapman.
"Oh hell no. There's no way you're going back to live with a person who thinks it's okay to fucking put his evil hands on you. And you sure as hell shouldn't be forced to undergo any kind of operation like the one Mrs. Chapman's trying to force on you. What is going on in this damn world? What is going on in this damn city? Has everyone lost their fucking minds?"
Lorna threw her hands up, lines creasing on her forehead as she looked directly into Mrs. Mendoza's eyes. "Then I guess I'll be here until I'm an adult because Mrs. Figueroa told me I can't leave unless some other dumb foster family takes me in but that won't happen because who the fuck would want to take me in? No one. Especially not after she tells them how troubled and fucked up I am," the words shrieked out of her trembling lips. She didn't even try to hide the trembling of her lips like she normally would—it required too much energy to do so. Energy she didn't have enough of at that particular moment.
A snuffle was momentarily sucked in through Mrs. Mendoza's nose. For a second she felt her heart constrict with pain for Lorna and how she happened to feel so low of herself. How the system had screwed her over so bad Lorna thought she was forever unlovable, undesired. It was maddening to her maternal heart. Maddening to her maternal mind, maternal bones. Every maternal part of her. Shaking her head in disdain was the one thing she could do to retain the anger from fully displaying itself.
Her hand which had been cupped around one of Lorna's cheeks she released from it and instead grabbed a hold of one of Lorna's. She squeezed it tenderly in her own, wishing the gesture had the ability to erase even a smidge of Lorna's self-hatred. But that was merely impossible to do. Lorna needed a lot of therapy to help her work through that, she knew. Therapy and to be surrounded by people who wholeheartedly cared about her were what would do the most for Lorna. Were the two things that she needed more than anything else.
"You need to stop calling yourself fucked up, you are not even close to being that. And none a that shit ya just said is true at all. You're a very loveable, likeable, girl. You have a big heart that your actions and words without fail show people. The people who think you're the opposite of anything I just said are only ignorant, lost, souls. Their hearts are not kind and gentle like the one you have, honey. You're better off without people like that but that doesn't make you an unwanted child because you're not unwanted. I'd love to take you in, Lorna. I know what ya want is to be home with your sista but until she can get that guardianship approved, how would ya feel about coming to stay with me?"
It took a couple of seconds for Lorna's brain to process what was just offered to her by the older woman. The tears that had been threatening to spill out for the past twenty minutes finally did so without giving Lorna a chance to stop them. She could hardly believe the words. Couldn't understand what reason Mrs. Mendoza would have to want to take her in. But she didn't have the energy to try and understand at that point in time. All she could do was lean across the table and throw her arms graciously around the Hispanic woman's neck. Tears incessantly fell from her eyes and soaked into the cotton of the shirt where she was lightly pressing her face into.
Without any hesitation, Gloria encircled her own arms once more around Lorna's petite frame pulling her closer to her. The feeling of Lorna's tears seeping through her shirt's cotton material easily encouraged her eyes to form their own stream of tears. She placed one of her hands on the teen's back, comfortingly rubbing it up and down the length of it. The bond she had formed with Lorna since the beginning of the year made it rather effortless for her to come to the decision of becoming a foster parent. She couldn't bare the thought of innocent children such as Lorna being bounced around from one uncaring family to the next. It took only a matter of weeks for her to finally receive an acceptance letter of her the application she sent in. And now, completely unplanned, having Lorna show up in this facility she happened to work in, it felt like fate to her. Fate she was supposed to become a foster parent so she could provide Lorna with a temporary loving home while she waited for her older sister's guardianship to get approved.
"I-I uh I mean I'd like that a lot, Mrs. Mendoza," Lorna regained the ability to speak though fumbled slightly over her words. Tears hadn't yet ceased from falling along her cheeks.
Sniffles took turns escaping through her windpipe. And she meant what she said; if she couldn't be with her sister the next person she'd feel safe with having as her guardian was her high school counselor. There was a sincerity about her that more often than not left her with an intense wave of comfort. Mrs. Mendoza's energy occasionally made her think of her mother. The same kindness and compassion was shared between the two of them. That was how Lorna saw it, anyway. "But, uh, but you don't—you don't have to do that. I can't believe you'd even make such an offer. Aren't the kids ya got grown already? Why would ya want a teenager like me around for?"
"Hey," Gloria gently muttered, embracing the frantic teen more securely against her. "Shh, shh," she soothed while rubbing Lorna's back delicately with the hand she still had resting on it. "Yes my boys are grown but that doesn't mean I can't take you in. You're a sweetheart, you deserve to have a loving home to come to each day after school. I can provide you with that. I want to provide you with that, honey. Plus, it would be nice to have you there with me—with my boys in college, it's been kinda lonely in my house. So, I think it'd be good for both of us."
Wiping her face with the sleeve of her arm Lorna waited for the sniffling to ease up before attempting to respond. Only a few minutes had passed when she had, for the most part, regained her composure. Her arms still held around Mrs. Mendoza's neck but she lifted her head to be able to properly peer up into her eyes. "I don't, erm, I don't know what to say. I'm speechless, Mrs. Mendoza. But like in a good way. A real good way and I can't really explain how much I appreciate the offer. I mean did ya, um, did ya just now decide to do this? I wouldn't be able to make that kinda choice that quick but I'm also real bad at making choices anyway," she said, shrugging her shoulders simultaneously.
Keeping the embrace close and secure Gloria gave a slight smile. She took her hand which had been stroking along Lorna's spine and replaced it on the crown of her head, letting her fingers soothingly rake through her thick strands of brown waves. The decision was pondered over for quite a while after their first few counseling sessions in the school but was finalized today once she'd learn of how poorly Lorna's situation had gotten. She couldn't leave there today, in good conscience, knowing an innocent young girl was paying the price for other people's crimes. Lorna deserved and needed a stable home and Gloria knew full well she had the means to provide her with exactly that.
The decision wasn't hard to make once she'd thought of all the pros and cons. The pros certainly outweighed the very miniscule cons. It was, honestly, not even a choice that she needed to have a second or third thought over. She wanted to give Lorna what Mr. Morello and the Chapmans failed to. An environment full of love, compassion, and empathy. "I've been thinking about becoming a foster parent for a while now, Lorna, and I sent in an application about a month ago. Talking with you and hearing about your situation it just made me think. And I want to be there for children like you so that encouraged me to look into fostering. My application was accepted a couple a days ago and then today, I see you here and hear what you're dealing with now…there's no way I couldn't offer to take you in. You know, it's fate that this happened. I think it is anyway. What about you, sweetie? Do ya believe in fate?"
Lorna gave a small nod. Fate was something she remembered her mom talking about quite often in her younger years. And she knew her mother to be a highly bright and wise woman so if fate was something Mrs. Morello believed in Lorna believed it had to be real. Thinking of her mother caused both a sigh to escape her as well as a faint smile to shape on her face. "Yeah, I think I do. My mom always said things happened for a reason and how fate was a real thing so I believe it is, too," she shared the thought out loud, returning Mrs. Mendoza's stare.
"Well, then, it's settled," Gloria softly declared while giving a final squeeze to Lorna. She gently released the embrace and stood up so she could make her way to her desk. Hands clasped together as she got situated in the chair behind her desk, she looked onto its surface and rummaged through the papers which were sprawled out across it. "I'll call up the agency and let them know I'd like to be your foster parent. Okay? And while that's getting taken care of, you'll have to go on back out and do whatever job they assign you. But I promise by the end of the day I'll be bringing you home with me. So don't stress yourself out too much. And if any of the girls or guards give ya a hard time, you just come right back here. I don't want anyone giving ya any grief. Understood, honey?"
Another nod was given to acknowledge Mrs. Mendoza's comment. The smile on Lorna's face remained though faltered a smidge when it was told to her she'd have to rejoin the rest of the delinquents. She huffed out a breath but tried to focus her mind on the bright side. At least it would only be for today that she would have to put up with all that. Just needed to get through this one day and then she'd be going to a place where she was actually wanted and cared about. She could manage one day, it wasn't even a full twenty-four hours—merely half that or less.
The coffee shop was rather empty when Nicky solitarily entered inside of it after finishing a mundane day of school. An entire day of school without Lorna there by her side. Another full day without having seen her cherub face at all. She felt quite solemn making her way down to the sales counter alone. One of Lorna's favorite places to go with her and she wasn't even there to do so. It wasn't right or fair. Lorna should have been there waiting in the line beside her. She should have been back living under her older sister's roof like the two had planned instead of now being trapped inside a damn juvenile facility.
Nothing ever appeared to be fair or right in Lorna's life and that fact alone was enough to boil Nicky's rage right back to the surface. She swallowed tightly, mentally forcing the bubbling rage away. The rage wouldn't change anything. Wouldn't undo what was done and wouldn't magically make Lorna appear there with her now. She exhaled a deep breath and gradually returned her focus outside of her mind when she noticed she had made it to the front of the line.
Seeing Alex's standing on the other side of the counter brought a small bit of comfort to her. A smile melded onto her face as she made eye contact with her best friend. "A plain black coffee, please," she told her though she knew she didn't even have to. Alex was aware of her order like the back of her own hand.
Nodding her acknowledgement Alex returned her friend's smile and quickly went to fix her a disposable cup of the plain black coffee she had ordered.
As she waited for her coffee, Nicky caught a glimpse of a familiar lengthy brunette peering out through the doorway just to the right of the sales counter and visibly flinched. That damn Shani girl again, she immediately realized. She forgot Shani had unfortunately been offered a barista position at this specific coffee shop. She darted her eyes as far away from the girl as possible but not before witnessing an eye wink being given in her general direction. The gesture only added to her discomfort.
Not before long Alex came back to the counter and kindly reached over it to hand Nicky her coffee. "Here ya go, kid. How're ya holdin' up, huh? You look like it's been a rough day…Probably been missin' Lorna a lot, yeah?" Concern etched onto her face while peering right ahead into the younger girl's solemn brown eyes.
Listening in on the conversation being shared between her coworker and the redhead who she couldn't keep her eyes off of, Shani quirked her eyebrows in interest and returned out from the breakroom she'd been hiding in. A smirk curved onto her face as she walked up right behind Alex and peered intently across at Nicky. "Your girlfriend broke up with you?" She asked, eyelashes batting outwards. "Hm, well, that's too bad. She seemed like she had a couple of screws loose anyway so she did ya a favor."
Alex facepalmed herself and shook her head disapprovingly at her coworker. Blue eyes quickly shifted onto Nicky and when she easily picked up on the reddening of her cheeks, she reached a hand across to comfortingly cover over one of hers with.
The comment instantly caused all of Nicky's anger to resurface in a matter of microseconds. She was mid sip when she heard it, taken by surprise, and the coffee sputtered right out of her mouth. What came out landed on Shani's hands that were touching the top of the counter and if she hadn't been so infuriated she would have grinned from how much she thought the girl was served right. But she didn't grin, not even in the slightest.
Arms folded in over her chest while her eyes glared darkly into the taller teen's. "Not that it's any a your business but no, you're wrong. Lorna is my girlfriend. My sweet, angel, of a girlfriend who's going through hell right now and if I ever hear ya talk shit about her again, I'll make your face unrecognizable. Is that fucking understood?"
Alex watched the interaction with a knot in her gut. She knew Nicky wasn't playing around. Anyone who badmouthed Lorna wouldn't be taken lightly by Nicky.
"Gee, maybe you have some screws loose too. You'd have to to defend a girl like your girlfriend," Shani snickered.
Not giving Nicky a chance to respond back, Alex took it upon herself to intervene. She turned to glare at her coworker. That comment rendered her a former coworker, she bitterly thought. "You can turn in your apron and nametag. We don't allow employees here to act unprofessional and insult our customers. You need to leave. Now," her voice sternly demanded.
Throwing her apron to the floor along with her nametag, Shani stomped her way from behind the counter but before she made it to the front entrance of the building she stopped right at Nicky's side. She leaned her head closer until her lips merely touched against the rim of one of Nicky's ears, "I'm not through with you or your mental little girlfriend. Just keep that in mind." However, she didn't give any time for the shorter teen to say anything in response as she frisked her way to the door and exited out of the building.
"Come on, kid, come back with me to the breakroom for a minute. I'll leave the service bell out in case any other customers come in," Alex told her while waving a hand for Nicky to follow her through the same archway where they had both previously witnessed Shani come out of.
Reluctantly, Nicky abided by her friend's request and followed behind her into the employees' only room despite not being one herself. Her teeth clattered tightly together, anger still fuming underneath her veins. The nerve that Shani girl had to name-call Lorna. Her Lorna. Her sweet, precious, Lorna. Nicky was just glad that even though she didn't have a chance to seek revenge on her, at least the coffee she choked on came out and ruined Shani's clothing. That appeared to be the only saving grace in the matter.
They each took a seat at the one and only table in there, Alex reaching across it to take one of Nicky's hands gently in her own. She could easily sense the intensifying fury oozing from her face. "I'm sorry about that, Nicky. That was real fucked up a her. I knew that girl was trouble and shoulda never been hired to work here in the first place. Are you okay? Anything I can do for ya?" She ran her thumb delicately from one side of Nicky's knuckles gradually over to the other.
Nicky sipped her coffee and shook her head. "Don't worry about it, Vause. It's not your fault. Shani's the least of my problems right now," she waved her hand and huffed out an exasperated breath. That hadn't negated the fact she still had the yearning to deck her in the face a couple of times but she had bigger fish in the sea which required her attention. "Right now I'm more concerned about how the fuck to get Lorna outta juvie. You got any ideas?" Eyes shifted onto the blue ones of Alex's, an inquisitiveness seeping through her own.
"Well, we just gotta wait and see what information Poussey found out. She said she was looking into it, yeah? Give her a little time, kid, it's been barely a day. I know you're antsy to have Lorna back but we gotta be patient."
A sigh escaped the redhead. God Alex just had to be the rational one in all of this. She quirked an eyebrow, however, when she heard how Alex addressed Lorna's therapist as Poussey instead of Dr. Poussey. Interest instantly was piqued. "Poussey, huh? Not even Dr.?"
The query made it hard for Alex to resist her lips from curving into a slight smile. One of her hands gestured in the air, "Well, we mighta exchanged numbers after you left the room." She felt a chuckle threatening to whistle through her throat and used her hand to stifle it by covering it against her mouth.
Nicky narrowed her eyes further onto her best friend. She took a decent sip of her coffee and then set the cup onto the table's surface in front of her. "You mean like exchanged numbers so that the two a ya can play softball together?" Eyebrows waggled above her eyes, arms crossed over her chest but a light-hearted smirk melded upon her face. When she witnessed the other's head nod the smirk intensified. Hands clapped together. That certainly wasn't anything she was expecting to happen.
"Hey, she ain't my therapist," Alex pointed out while holding up a hand for emphasis. Nicky chuckled, she saw, and so she allowed herself to finally chuckle as well. "Besides she's only a few years older than me and I find her attractive. Figured it wouldn't hurt to dabble my way into dating again with her. Ya know? I've made her a fair amount a coffees at the hospital so we're not total strangers."
Lips morphed into a more genuine smile. Nicky reached across the table and rested a hand on Alex's shoulder, giving it a friendly pat. "Good for you, Vause. Dr. Poussey is pretty hot so I can't blame ya there," she admitted, one of her eyes threw a playful wink the older girl's way. A finger was held up right after, however, and she gave it a faint wiggle. "Of course she's not quite as hot as my girlfriend but she's definitely up there. And you're not half bad either, Al. Any woman would be lucky to date you."
Shaking her head with a second chuckle, Alex motioned both hands in the air. "Gee, thanks Nicky. I'm glad I'm not half bad so what, I'm half good?" But she placed her hand over Nicky's hand that had still been laying on her shoulder and gave a gentle stroke over each of her knuckles to show she was only teasing her.
"Aw, Vause, ya know I meant that in a good way—hey, clearly Dr. Poussey finds ya just as attractive as you find her. Huh? Hell, I think if you two end up together you'd make one fine as fuck couple…don't you?" Nicky winked with a warm smile. Fingers softly stroked into the blade of Alex's shoulder they remained atop of.
Taking her glasses momentarily off from her face Alex folded the ear pieces over and held one side to her mouth while gazing dramatically up at the ceiling. She nodded and the pair erupted into a banter of laughter. "Yeah, I think we would be a real attractive couple Poussey and me. But you're fast tracking, Nicky, she and I haven't even gone on a date yet," Alex pointed out with a hand gesture. Of course she, too, had spent a fair amount of time fantasizing what it might be like to possibly be in a relationship with Poussey ever since the pair had exchanged contact information the previous afternoon.
Nicky nodded and laughed. It was nice to have a little distraction from her current life situation the thought popped in her mind as she sat there having a light-hearted conversation with her best friend. Laughing felt good and also eased away a good portion of the anger. Just sitting there with Alex was enough to make some of the anger dissipate. Alex always had that affect on her ever since the two had become friends. She had a constant rationality about her that naturally brought a calmness anywhere she went.
Eyes averted onto her cup of coffee and automatically she cupped a hand around it, gently lifting it from the table. She hugged her lips around the rim of the paper lid and sucked down so that the liquid came swirling into her mouth. Once she was pleased with the volume of coffee she had swallowed, she set the cup back down and refocused on Alex. "Well, first she's gotta help me get Lorna outta juvie then you and Dr. Poussey can plan your date. I just don't want her to get distracted by your attractiveness and forget about my sweet girlfriend, ya know?"
"I get it, kid. Hopefully she'll find a way to get her out of there soon. Poor Lorna. She's such a sweetheart, I can't imagine how she's holding up in juvie. Ya think she's doing okay in there, Nicky?"
Nicky raised her shoulders up in a shrug. Eyes sunk in slightly while her mouth curved down into a frown. Lorna was a sweet girl with a very naïve way of thinking; juvie was certainly no place for her. She had been in there once, a few years prior, for a week and nothing about juvie was sweet or innocent. Lorna wouldn't do well in there for long. Hell, the one week she had spent in there was dreadful and Nicky liked to think of herself as pretty resilient but even a short stay in juvie showed her weaknesses.
If it had the ability to mentally bring Nicky down she couldn't even begin to imagine what juvie was doing to Lorna's already frail mind. Air sadly huffed out of her. "I have no clue, Vause. But I just hope to God Dr. Poussey can get her out of there as fast as possible. Lorna's too nice for fucking juvie. Way too nice. I wouldn't trust any a the other girls in there anywhere near her. Especially because those girls are actual criminals unlike Lorna. Lorna's probably so scared and alone and thinking about that shit makes my chest hurt. When Lorna finally does get outta there the first thing I'm doing is holding her for an entire day. Cause' I'm sure ain't no one in that place is showin' her any kind of compassion," Nicky loudly declared while peering directly ahead of her at a random spot on the wall behind Alex. She bit down on the side of her mouth and drew in a sharp breath. She hoped to the entire universe that Doctor Washington was able to come up with a way to get Lorna out of there as quickly as was possible.
The drive from the juvenile facility to Mrs. Mendoza's house passed by in under a half-hour. Lorna still hadn't fully processed the day's events as she sat in the passenger seat with her right cheek resting on the rim of the car window. When the vehicle came to a stop in a driveway full of gravel Lorna finally shifted her eyes off of the window and over onto Mrs. Mendoza—or, now, rather her new foster mother. She felt air catch itself in her throat at the realization. Mrs. Mendoza wasn't just her school counselor anymore but also her temporary guardian.
Sensing a pair of eyes on her, Gloria turned her head to stare back at the culprit. Immediately she noticed the glassy look in Lorna's eyes and reached across the center console to take a delicate hold of one of Lorna's hands in her own. With a tenderness, she brushed a thumb from one knuckle all the way down the line to the last one. "I know it's been an overwhelming day for ya, honey. It's okay to cry if ya need to," she gently assured her while continuing the soothing motion around Lorna's hand.
With her free hand held up Lorna used it to wipe at the flesh below each of her two teary eyes. A sniffle escaped from her windpipe. She gave a nod to Mrs. Mendoza along with a tiny bit of a smile. "I just—I'm real grateful that you, that you chose to take me in. I don't know how I can ever repay ya for this, Mrs. Mendoza. What, what can I do? Please is there anything ya want me to do to—"
"Sweetie, you don't have to do anything to repay me for this. I want you to have a safe and stable home—you deserve to have that. You don't have to do anything to earn that," Gloria quickly interjected when she heard where the conversation was headed. She released her hand from Lorna's and chose to frame it around one of her cheeks instead. Holding it tenderly in her hand so she could carefully move Lorna's face until their eyes were staring right into one another's. "You're wanted here, Lorna, and there's nothing you have to do to earn such a thing. Okay?"
Lorna timidly nodded and Gloria gave a warm pat to her cheek. "Good. Now let's get inside and we'll get your stuff all set up in your room. And then when that's done, you can watch me make those empanadas I told you about. Does that sound good to you, Lorna?"
Her room…her room? Eyebrows arched strangely up above her eyes. The revelation instantly had tears come gushing along her cheeks again. She swallowed thickly and lifted her hand up to touch over the one resting on her cheek. "Y-you mean I-I uh I get my own room? Like a guestroom that I can stay in?" Surprise inflected itself through her voice. Maybe Mrs. Chapman was a breed of her own. Mrs. Mendoza was the complete opposite of Mrs. Chapman; there wasn't a fake bone in her body. She was like her mother only Spanish instead of Italian.
The shock in Lorna's voice made Gloria's face scrunch up identically to how Lorna's was only a few minutes earlier. A nod was given as well as a gentle caress of the cheek her hand had been pressed into still. "Of course you get your own bedroom. It's not a guestroom anymore, Lorna, it'll be your room and you can make it however ya want. Why are you so surprised over this? Did the Chapmans not allow you a space of your own, honey?" Curiosity etched onto her face.
"I had a room to stay in but Mrs. Chapman didn't call it my room or nothin'. She just called it the guestroom they were allowing me to stay in. I knew she didn't like me but that made me feel like she was embarrassed to have me there. I don't know—I'm just glad I don't ever have to go back," Lorna muttered, averting her eyes out onto the windshield.
Gloria shook her head in disdain. She was beginning to really despise this Mrs. Chapman. It was obvious to her that the woman sure didn't have a maternal bone in her body. Or if she had she had a funny way of showing it. Attention rapidly dissipated off of Mrs. Chapman and focused back onto Lorna. "I'm so sorry she made you feel that way. You're not an embarrassment at all. The hell's wrong with this Mrs. Chapman? Well, don't even worry about her for another second. You're here with me now, sweetie, and you'll have your own bedroom that is yours. I'm more than happy to have you in my house. Now, come on, let's get out of this car and inside. I'll help you get settled in your room and then show ya around the house."
"Wow, Mrs. Mendoza, that's a lotta work to make those empanadas," Lorna stated after watching the older woman finally place the tray of freshly prepared pastry-wrapped meat and vegetables into the oven.
Gloria chuckled softly, closing the lid back up and setting the timer on the stove top. When she was finished she rejoined Lorna at the island which separated one part of her kitchen from the other. "They do take up quite a bit of time but I promise you that time is so worth it once they're all baked and smellin' up the house. Mm, I'm makin' my own mouth water just talking about it," she said with another chuckle. Hands clasped together and her eyes peered onto Lorna, who was busy nervously tracing her fingers along the countertop's granite pattern. "It'll be about an hour until they're done. I'm sure you want to reach out to Nicky and let her know you're out of that place, yeah? You can invite her over if ya want. I bet you miss her like crazy. You two are real close, it's sweet."
Lorna nodded her head enthusiastically, a smile quickly shaping its way onto her face. There wasn't anything more she craved to do than to call Nicky and hear her voice, have her over and share the biggest hug in the world with her. "Thanks so much, Mrs. Mendoza. Ya have no clue how much I've missed her. And it's not even been two days. Is that crazy?"
Getting up from the stool she'd been sat on, Gloria shook her head with a warm smile. "No, honey, that's not crazy. That's just love. You two may be pretty damn young but the love you and Nicky share—that's not a love that you come across often. To me, anyway, it's obvious you and her have been together in previous lives. Not everyone believes in reincarnation but I certainly do and somethin' just tells me you and Nicky have spent other lifetimes with each other," she honestly admitted while going over to her purse—which had been hanging up on the wall right near the archway leading into the room—and rummaged through until she felt a phone come in contact with her hand.
The phone securely held in her hand, Gloria walked back over to Lorna and gave it to her. Her smile hadn't faltered in the slightest. "Go on up and relax for a bit in your room, call Nicky and invite her over. I can tell you're itchin' to see her."
Resting stomach-side down on the mattress of her temporary bed, Lorna laid her arms out in front of her while using her thumb to scroll through her phone to look for Nicky's phone number. Lips naturally pursed into a smile when she came across her name and pressed her thumb on the call button. Though it had barely been more than two days since the two had seen or talked to one another, it felt a lot closer to a decade having passed by. Butterflies instantly settled in her gut as she listened through the dial tone of the ringing.
It took only two rings for the line to pick up. Lorna's smile doubled in size and the butterflies grew slightly more intense. "Nicky, angel?" Her voice warmly greeted into the receiver, finger tips caressing softly along the edge of the phone's plastic exterior.
On the other end, Nicky's heart flipped inside of her chest and a warmth rushed through her entire body. She could hardly believe her ears. It was really her girlfriend's angelic voice greeting her on the other side of the phone. Her hand rested securely on her chest to keep her heart from flipping its way right out. "Lorna, baby…sweetheart, is that really you?" The words lovingly slipped out of her mouth.
Lorna swore she felt her heart momentarily stop upon listening to Nicky talk through the speaker of her phone which was pressed tightly up against her ear. Her head nodded ecstatically but then she realized Nicky couldn't see that and had to calm herself enough to verbally respond through the receiver. "It's really me, hon. I, uh, I—Mrs. Mendoza, she applied to be a foster parent and…and she offered to take me in. I don't—it's been a day, Nicky. I'm at her house now and I'm real overwhelmed but it's good. It's good, so good and I was just… do ya wanna come over?"
"Yes, babe, I wanna come over. Ya don't even needa ask," Nicky rapidly answered, relief washing over to know Lorna was no longer stuck in that godforsaken delinquent center. Her top lip sucked in beneath her lower one. She could easily hear the tears in Lorna's voice as she spoke. "Mrs. Mendoza offered to be your foster parent, kid?" Her heart soared and she waited until Lorna whimpered a small yes before continuing on with her words. "That was real kind of her. I'm so happy for you, doll. Mrs. Mendoza is a very nice and compassionate person, living with her will be so good for you. You have been passed around from one bad home to the next for too long. Thank the fuckin' Lord you're with Mrs. Mendoza now. You deserve to be somewhere where you're properly taken care of and made to feel safe. I know it's overwhelming for you, baby, but you'll adjust. I promise. And I'll be over in a few minutes. Just lemme know the address yeah?"
Lorna smiled through her tears. Life had miraculously turned around for her in such a short time span she could hardly come to terms with it. That could only mean a tsunami was brewing right around the corner. But, for now, she wasn't going to pay any mind to that. She wanted to enjoy the happy for as temporary as it might be. "Yeah, it's seven hundred one Berry Lane."
"Thanks, kid. I'll be there in just a bit. I love you."
Nicky reluctantly clicked off the call but retrieved her handbag from where it rested at her feet and slung it around shoulder. Before she went to exit out of the front door of the coffee shop, she went back up to the sales counter where Franny had just settled behind to start her shift and tapped her fingers loudly against the Formica. "Hey, Franny, I just talked to Lorna and she's staying with our school counselor, Mrs. Mendoza. I'm about to head over there but wanted to let ya know so ya don't worry too much anymore," she informed her girlfriend's older sister.
A relieving smile formed on Franny's face. She turned away from the machine she was cleaning and gave a gracious stare over towards Nicky. "Thank you, Nicky. That'll be good for her until I can get guardianship of her…if I even do. Give her a hug for me, will ya please? Tell her I'll give her a call when I get off work, please."
"I will for sure, I'll hug her enough for everyone. See ya," Nicky assured her and waved at her while turning to finally leave the building.
Still resting on the bed in her new room, Lorna peered out the window which was only a few feet away from it. The sun had long made its descent into the horizon and now in its place was a fully lit moon. No clouds were in the sky making it rather effortless for her to see the many stars lighting up right alongside the moon. A serene sense of calm flooded through her veins. She felt her lips naturally glide their way into a smile while she became momentarily mesmerized by the view outside of her bedroom's window.
Being completely enthralled in said view, she neglected to notice the sound of footsteps cautiously approaching outside of the room as well as the knob to the door jiggling about until it was pushed open. She hadn't even realized anyone else's presence until the mattress sunk beside where she was sitting and a pair of arms secured themselves around her body. And that was exactly when the tsunami made its crashing entrance.
Lorna instinctively jumped up after the touch, eyes peering widely ahead while her mouth gaped open from the screams incessantly escaping her. She felt possessed the way she was screaming and her body thrashing. As though someone had pressed a button on her that was making her act out in this way. Her eyes still had yet to see who the culprit of the touch was but her mind told her it was Annalisa. Made her believe she was back in juvie and Annalisa had somehow managed to weasel her way into the cell she had been sharing with Maria.
"Hey, hey there," Nicky softly whispered, quickly standing up behind Lorna and holding out a gentle hand. She kept her distance to not startle the girl any further but made a gesture with her hand letting her know she was right there for her. It took a minute before Lorna finally noticed her and fixed her eyes on her and the second she had, Nicky affectionately returned the stare. "Hey there, sweetheart. I didn't mean to scare you. I'm so sorry, kid. You'd think I'd know by now not to sneak up on ya like that but I just really missed holding you. Are you okay?"
The screaming had finally ceased along with the body thrashing but left behind were a barrel of tears. Lorna swallowed hard and bowed her head slightly. "I don't know why I'm like that, hon. I'm sorry—"
"No, Lorna, don't apologize for something you can't control. It's my fault for not telling you I was here and just randomly throwing my arms around ya," Nicky firmly interrupted.
"Throw your arms around me now, please. I-I need you, honey," Lorna pleaded, lips tremoring to stop a whimper from escaping through them. She timidly inched herself closer to Nicky and within a matter of seconds felt her body being engulfed in those familiar strong arms of hers. Easily, without mental argument, Lorna relaxed against Nicky and let her head press into Nicky's soothingly beating chest. She snaked both of her arms around Nicky's shoulders and moved them closer together.
Having complied with her girlfriend's heartrending request, Nicky carefully walked them backwards until she landed on the mattress of the bed with Lorna naturally falling along with her, still pressed into her chest from the secure hold of her arms around her waist. Lips stroked delicately, tenderly, over the top of Lorna's head. Now that she had them situated on the bed, she kept one arm wrapped against Lorna's waist and moved her other one up to cradle around the back of her head. "I got ya, baby. I got ya. I know the past two days have been real hard on ya and scary but you're okay now. I have you and I'm not leaving. Everything's gonna be okay," she murmured, snuggling Lorna closer and closer. Pressing her front tightly into Lorna's front. The pressure bringing both of them some much needed comfort.
Nothing made her feel more secure, more loved, more wanted, than lying right there in Nicky's strong, warm and affectionate arms. One of the few pair of arms that never harmed her. Arms that only showed her love, safety, empathy. Tears fell from her eyes like waterfalls; she turned her head a bit so that just one of her cheeks was pressing into Nicky's chest. The position gave her the ability to look up into Nicky's eyes. "I was—I was in juvie, hon and-and Annalisa was there. I thought you were her when, when uh when you first came in here. I got distracted by the window and-and I thought I was back in that place and that she—that she-she…Annalisa got in my cell and was gonna, was gonna shank me."
Nicky gently turned on her side, inadvertently causing Lorna to do the same, and she lovingly framed a hand around Lorna's cheek. Her thumb pressed warmly into its flesh and slowly glided up and down along the length of it. "Aww, my baby," she whispered, scooting closer to Lorna's body and gradually letting their fronts find their way back together. "No more Annalisa. She's not here. You're not in that awful place anymore and you don't have to ever worry about being there again. You don't ever have to worry about seeing Annalisa again either, doll. I'm gonna get my classes switched so I have the same as you, okay? That way I'll be with you all day at school and can keep you safe from her. You've been dealing with way too much all alone for way way too long, Lorna. I can't believe how long you've been bullied by that bitch and how long you've kept that to yourself. You've been scared of her in secret for almost a whole year, baby…I want to make sure ya know from now on there can't be any secrets like that. I mean it. You can't do that to yourself anymore. You're barely surviving. All this secrecy and silent suffering, doll, all that's done is caused you to take it out on yourself. It has to stop now, today. You understand me?"
A response was merely impossible for Lorna to come up with right away. Tears hadn't stopped falling and her mouth wouldn't cease from trembling. She nodded her head despite the fact that she wasn't entirely keen on the idea of not retaining her inner pain from Nicky. "I, uh, I-I don't know if I—if I want to stop, Nicky. I-I don't know how to not hate myself." The words fumbled shakily out of her.
Nicky swallowed uneasily, chewing slightly on the side of her mouth to keep a sob from forcing is way out of it. Her arms, however, tightened around Lorna and pulled her closer until Lorna's face was smashed securely into her chest once more. She reached one hand up and let the fingertips of it softly massage into Lorna's scalp. "It's okay, kid, that's okay. I know you feel like ya don't wanna stop but I think you're just afraid of stopping because you're kinda addicted to hurting yourself. Ya don't wanna give up something you been doin' for god-only-knows how long. But that's why ya go to therapy and you'll keep going. Dr. Poussey will help you through this, doll. I'll help ya through this and so will your sister, your brother, Alex, Red and Mrs. Mendoza. Ya have a lotta people who want to help and see ya get better," she pointed out, leaning her face closer so her lips naturally brushed over the flesh of Lorna's forehead.
"It don't seem possible, hon," Lorna mumbled, nuzzling her face right back into the crook of Nicky's neck.
Pressing her chin tenderly on the top of the brunette's head, Nicky sighed and inhaled a breath. Fingers remained massaging through Lorna's scalp hoping to soothe away as much of her distress as was possible. "It is possible. I promise. But it's gonna take a lot of time and effort. It won't be easy at all but I'll be right here with you, okay? I'll be here to give you support and love and cuddles. Whatever you need to help you heal you just let me know, babe. I'll do anything for you. Anything. You just gotta talk to me, sweetheart."
Lorna felt her heart bursting through her chest. She drew in her bottom lip and felt a couple of sniffles whistle their way out of her. It would never make sense to her how she could be worthy of having a person like Nicky in her life, however, she couldn't resist from loving Nicky with every last fiber of her being. Couldn't express enough how grateful she was to have Nicky with her. She would never deem herself worthy of that but she also didn't see the point in fighting it. Maybe this was just her fate. Being with Nicky for the rest of her life despite whether she felt deserving or not of that. Fate was fate and there wasn't any fighting it.
"I love you so much, Nicky. I'll never deserve you but, but I'm real glad I have ya. I don't wanna ever go back to a life without ya," she softly admitted, letting her lips press against the nape of Nicky's neck.
Shaking her head in disagreement, Nicky gently lifted Lorna's head up again and inched her face closer until their foreheads innately pressed into one another's. She nuzzled the tip of her nose affectionately against the tip of Lorna's. "I love you so fucking much, too, Lorna. I wish you didn't feel so undeserving of me and my love. Because you are the one person on this planet, this universe, who is completely—wholeheartedly—deserving of every single ounce of my love. You are an angel, a real angel. And you are so worthy, so fucking worthy of love—of affection, of being protected and taken care of. And I swear on my life I'm gonna make sure you know how worthy you are of all of that for as long as we both live. I vow to undo all the evil that was done to you, baby, no matter how long it takes."
fuckwellington on Chapter 8 Fri 09 Jul 2021 05:04AM UTC
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WritingCoffeeAddiction on Chapter 8 Fri 04 Feb 2022 05:02PM UTC
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nichorellovausemanett on Chapter 32 Mon 11 Jul 2022 12:16PM UTC
Last Edited Mon 11 Jul 2022 12:16PM UTC
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WritingCoffeeAddiction on Chapter 32 Mon 11 Jul 2022 12:26PM UTC
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Kara_Bear12 on Chapter 52 Fri 21 Jul 2023 10:26AM UTC
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WritingCoffeeAddiction on Chapter 52 Fri 21 Jul 2023 11:27AM UTC
Last Edited Fri 21 Jul 2023 11:40AM UTC
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nichorellovausemanett on Chapter 65 Thu 03 Nov 2022 08:28PM UTC
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WritingCoffeeAddiction on Chapter 65 Thu 03 Nov 2022 08:55PM UTC
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nichorellovausemanett on Chapter 71 Thu 24 Nov 2022 01:37PM UTC
Last Edited Thu 24 Nov 2022 01:42PM UTC
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WritingCoffeeAddiction on Chapter 71 Sat 26 Nov 2022 01:01AM UTC
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ALilPumpkin on Chapter 91 Sun 05 Feb 2023 07:10AM UTC
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WritingCoffeeAddiction on Chapter 91 Sun 05 Feb 2023 02:14PM UTC
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ALilPumpkin on Chapter 93 Thu 09 Feb 2023 08:45AM UTC
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WritingCoffeeAddiction on Chapter 93 Thu 09 Feb 2023 02:32PM UTC
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ALilPumpkin on Chapter 94 Wed 15 Feb 2023 12:54PM UTC
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WritingCoffeeAddiction on Chapter 94 Wed 15 Feb 2023 03:23PM UTC
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ALilPumpkin on Chapter 99 Sun 05 Mar 2023 01:04AM UTC
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WritingCoffeeAddiction on Chapter 99 Sun 05 Mar 2023 01:38AM UTC
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