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Some people are afraid of sharks or spiders. Clowns or water. Normal things. Then there are some people who are afraid of walking down the streets without a hat or walking under ladders which is more of a superstition but is still a fear. A few things almost everyone is afraid of is: public speaking and death. Public speaking being the number one fear.
Jason is no exception, he deals with fear everyday. If it was not for fear then the human race would not be as successful as it has been. The fear of snakes, spiders, the dark, all have allowed the human race to avoid those things and therefore stay alive. However Jason is fearful of something that should not kill him and does not cause any harm to anyone. He is afraid of something that the human race needs to survive.
Somniphobia? Hypnophobia?
Whatever the hell its called, it is the fear of sleep.
After conquering the ultimate sleep one would think that normal sleep would be no problem. For Jason normal sleep was a problem because he was afraid of that ultimate sleep, he was afraid of never waking up again. His fear of sleep was poisoning his mind. As ironic as it sounds, the lack of sleep made him want to die.
It’s not like anyone would give three fucks if he did die again. When he was alive he felt special, he was Robin. Now Batman has enough Robins to run an orphanage, he was replaceable.
Jason sat on couch, drinking a coffee that was warm a few hours ago but had become cold. Coffee and other forms of caffeine was how he had been able to stay up for days at a time. Coffee and Faulkner. Jason set the cup down and picked up the book that was resting beside it, it was As I Lay Dying by William Faulkner. The books Faulkner writes are so compelling that Jason feels the need to stay up and read them, even if he’s read them before. He is on the only chapter told from the point of view of Addie, and as he continues to read he comes across the line,“…the reason for living was to get ready to stay dead a long time.”
The line caused something to snap in Jason’s head, if the only reason for living was to die then what did that mean for him? He had already lived and died and now he was alive again. Jason’s sleep deprived mind came to the conclusion that Jason did not have a reason to live anymore because he had already died.
As he stood up from the couch, a headache began to form and his vision began to blur. There was a gun sitting near by, it was talking.
I’ll put you to sleep. Trust me. I’ll make that fear go away.
Jason grabbed the gun and marched out into the balcony of his apartment. The night air was cool, and a sweet breeze blew through Jason’s hair. As beautiful as the night was, Jason did not want to see it. He wanted to sleep. He pressed the gun to the bottom of his chin and closed his eyes.
“What are you doing?”
Reluctantly, Jason opened his eyes and saw Dick in his Nightwing uniform. He was sitting on the balcony railing, his arms crossed and a stern look on his face.
“Trying to go to sleep.”
“You’re doing it wrong.” Dick hopped down the from the railing, but as soon as his feet touched the ground Jason pointed the gun toward him. He brought up his hands, “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“How the hell am I supposed to fucking know that?” Jason growled, he tried to keep himself standing straight up despite the blurry vision and tilting surroundings. “I’ll shoot. I’ll fucking shoot.”
Dick ignored Jason’s threat and took another step closer, “What’s up with your eyes?” noticing that Jason was swaying, Dick took a few steps closer, “When was the last time you’ve slept?”
“I don’t know!” Jason shouted, he dropped the gun and lunged toward the railing.
Dick stepped in between Jason and the railing, and as soon as his hand touched his brother’s arm Jason’s body went limp. Dick held him up and asked, “Jay, why can’t you sleep?”
Jason did not respond, he set his head on Dick’s shoulder desperately searching for the right words. He was too exhausted to think straight, too exhausted to churn out the words to even form a sentence. All he managed was one word, “Scared.”
Dick spoke, “Everything will be fine,” he ran his hand up and down Jason’s back, “I’m here, I’ll stay here with you and watch you sleep. I’ll make sure you stay alive. Please don’t be afraid.”
“Trust, I can’t trust you.”
“I’m here for you Little Wing.” Dick promised. “You can trust me, I’m your brother and I always will be.”
Jason sighed, and closed his eyes. Dick smiled and dragged him back into the apartment and onto his bed. He grabbed a blanket and set it on Jason before making his way back into the living room. While he was in the living room he shut the balcony door and began to pick up a few things. He found empty cans of energy drinks and beer, and some coffee cups — all of which needed to be thrown away. Once the trash was gone, his eyes found a book. He picked it up, read the title and decided since he was going to stay up all night he might as well have something to keep himself busy.
The next morning Jason woke up to the sounds of birds chirping loudly outside his window. It actually sounded nice and for the first in a long time he did not have the urge to shoot them. He opened his eyes and saw Dick who was still awake.
“Good morning.” Dick greeted.
Jason stared, unsure with what to say. He was really surprised that Dick was there and that he had stayed with him all night.
“Have you finished reading this yet?” Dick continued to speak, holding up the copy of As I Lay Dying. “It’s so funny.”
Jason sat up quickly, “Funny? You thought it was funny?”
“Yeah, of course I did.” Dick smiled. “Everyone in here so weird and backwards, I ended up laughing a few times and I thought I’d wake you.”
Jason smiled, he thought he had forgotten how to do it, “I, um — thanks.” he looked down, then looked back up at Dick, “You really stayed all night?”
“Of course I did.” Dick stroked the side of Jason’s face, “You know, you still look kind of out of it. I’ll stay with you for a few more days, if that’s alright with you?”
“Yeah, I’d like that.”