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I’m in the library with Luis Santos. I’m skipping my math class, and I don’t ask what he’s doing. He’s on his phone, fiddling around. I haven’t talked to him for the last few months. I still feel awkward around Keely, not that I hold a grudge for what’s happened, but she feels like a part of an old life that I completely left behind. So much so that I don’t know how to act around her, though she and Cooper have become closer again. But Luis and Keely broke up, so I feel less weird about being around him. I’m working up the nerve to ask him what happened when the door opens.
Cooper walks in, spotting us and immediately heading over. He looks agitated, I can tell from even here.
“Alright, Coop?” Luis asks cautiously when he sinks down at the table.
Cooper flicks a pencil that sitting in front of him with such fury that it shoots all the way to the other side and off the edge of the table. “Yeah, fucking excellent.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask, and as soon as the words are out of my mouth I wish I could reach into the air and snatch them back.
Cooper doesn’t look up from the table. “People are assholes,” he says, so angrily that it makes a few people turn around in their seats to look at him.
“Hey, let’s not do this here.” Luis grabs Cooper by the arm, pulling him out of the library. I abandon my books and follow. It’s not like I was doing any work anyway.
We get to the stairwell, and Cooper immediately collapses against the far wall, like all the energy is sapped out of him.
Luis leans against the railing of the stairs on the other side, watching Cooper’s face as if he’s waiting for him to make the first move.
He pushes away from the wall, clearly aggravated, letting out a scoff. For one second, I think he’s going to punch the wall, but it’s Cooper, and he would never act out aggressively like that. Instead, he puts a hand to his mouth, and a little sob breaks through.
Luis looks at him, alarmed. “Coop?”
Cooper turns away from him, but we can hear how his breath hitches into cries.
Luis wraps his arms around him as he starts to shake. “Hey, what’s going on?”
Cooper keeps his back turned until Luis tugs at him with enough insistence. When he finally turns around to accept Luis’ hug, his face is red and wet with frustrated tears. Luis pulls him in close, patting him on the back.
“Talk to me, bro,” he says.
I hang back hesitantly, not sure whether offering up comfort will make him close off more.
Cooper pulls back and wipes at his eyes harshly. He’s thrumming with tension and nervous energy. He looks like he wants to crawl out of his own skin.
“I’m so—“ he cuts himself off with a shake of his head.
Luis keeps a hand on his shoulder. He looks nervous, like he doesn’t know what to do or say.
“I’m so sick of this.” Cooper rolls his shoulders back, it makes him look broader. He’s so tense that I can see his muscles flexed under his long sleeved baseball shirt. “This shit, all the fucking time.” He practically spits the last two words. I don’t think I’ve ever seen Cooper angry, until now. Scared? Yes. Frustrated? Of course. But genuinely angry? I think it’s new.
Neither has Luis, from the look in his face. “What, dude?” he asks, gripping at Cooper’s shoulder.
Cooper gestures vaguely to the door leading back out into the hallway. “Every fucking day, someone has a new comment. Can’t I just live my life? Why does it bother everyone so much? I didn’t choose this, I wasn’t even the one who got to fucking tell everyone!”
Luis and I seem to cotton on at the same time, and Luis’ face crumples as he realises what Cooper is talking about. “Oh, Coop.”
The pitcher averts his eyes upward so he doesn’t have to look at our faces. His jaw sets tightly, and I can tell he’s fighting back tears. “I’m still the same guy I was two months ago. Now, guys I’ve known for years won’t even look me in the eye. Do you have any idea how many comments I’ve gotten about Kris? The way people talk about him makes me fuckin’ sick. They ain’t even know him!” Cooper’s words are bordering on incomprehensible as his accent gets thicker and thicker.
“Hey,” Luis soothes. He tugs at Cooper until he folds back in for a hug. Luis’ arms wrap around his shoulders, and he pats him on the back. He pulls away to look at him. “Who’s talking shit, Coop? You know I’ll beat their ass for you.”
Cooper laughs wetly. “No offence Luis, but I’d rather you didn’t get me into a fight I would have to finish.”
Luis fakes offence, but we both know Cooper is right. Luis is definitely broad and fit, but Cooper has a good couple of inches on him, and the muscle mass of required of someone who can throw a ball at 90 plus miles per hour. He could knock someone out easy. He has, in fact.
The image of him flattening Jake floats to the front of my mind and I have to purposefully will it away. Spiralling into a panic attack right now is not the way to help.
“I’m sorry, Cooper,” I say finally, my voice shaky. I know what it’s like to lose your friends, to have people you’ve known for years turn their back on you. Of course, most of those girls have turned around and wanted my friendship back once the truth about Jake came to light, but still. I know the sting.
Cooper and I share a look of mutual understanding. It’s not exactly the same, but at least it’s something. I wish I could do more, and make a silent vow to start calling out the shit I hear about Cooper. He did the same for me.
“You talk to Kris about this?” Luis asks.
He and Kris have developed quite the friendship, bonding over Cooper’s quirks. The first time Kris hung out with all of us, after the coffee shop, they didn’t stop talking for hours. Cooper was very pleased at their little friendship, it makes his life easier.
Now, Cooper nods, looking drained. “Yeah, and I mean, he’s great, really, and I love him with everything I’ve got, but there’s not really anything he can say or do. Like, it’s basically hey babe that sucks, sorry, welcome to outed life,” Cooper says, sarcastically. “I just—“ His shoulders slump. “You know, someone doesn’t say anything for a day, or we go out in public and hold hands, and it feels like for a second that it’s over. Then, the next day comes. And it’s not. I’m just tired , it feels like I’m dragging myself through quicksand.”
There’s a moment of silence in which both Luis and I realise we have nothing to say.
Slowly Luis nods. “That sucks,” he says with such emphasis that it makes Cooper laugh.
It’s an infectious kind of laughter, and it doesn’t take long until we’re both laughing too.
“Yeah,” Cooper says through his laughter. “It does.” He punches Luis on the shoulder. “Thanks, man.”
Luis pulls him in for a hug and they slap each other on the back. “You know whatever happens, I’m here for you, Coop.”
“Yeah,” I chime in. “Just say the word and we will start a fight you have to finish.”
Cooper laughs, reeling me into a hug as well. I wrap my arms around his waist, and pull him into me. “Okay,” he says, after a while and I pull back. He shoves the sleeves of his shirt up his forearms. “I’m over it now, just needed to say something before I killed the next person who made a comment.”
“Well, if it’s any consolation, you’d probably get away with it. I don’t think the police would be too keen to accuse you of murder twice.” Luis shrugs and both Cooper and I break out into surprised laughter. It’s very rarely that someone jokes about what happened last fall. Even rarer that it makes us laugh.
“Yeah, Pop’s threatening lawsuits enough as is,” Cooper says with a grimace. He stretches out, releasing the last of the tension he was carrying. “Should we go?”
We both nod and Cooper exits out the door first. Luis is just about to follow him when I catch his wrist. I’m not strong enough to actually stop him, but he turns in surprise.
“We ever hear shit about Cooper or Kris, we stop it, yeah? I don’t ever want to see that look on his face again. It was almost as bad as the cafeteria that day.”
Luis’ eyes harden, and his jaw sets. You can say a lot of things about Luis, he did date Cooper’s ex girlfriend mere weeks after they broke up, but he doesn’t like to see the people he cares about hurt. He reaches out and I shake his hand. “Deal,” he says, firmly. And I believe him.
The door swings back open, and Cooper is standing there, adjusting his cap on his head. “Y’all comin’ or what?”
“Sorry, Coop,” Luis calls, dropping my hand and we walk out the door together.