Archive of Our Own ^beta

   You were perfect to Nanami Kento. 

   While he worked at his nine-to-five job, you had been nothing short of caring and supportive. His breakfast had always been prepared early, hot steaming and ready for him sitting next to a neat bento box ready to go as his lunch. You committed to helping him destress, a word that did not exist in the man’s vocabulary, every other week. Those dates were usually spontaneous, one of the surprises he welcomed in his fixed lifestyle. Yet you were still careful to make sure he still found solace in his regimens. He was a consistent man with rigid routines, something you lost from your college crisis and bad decisions. But it was something you learned to practice for him because you loved him. 

   And when he one day decided to no longer take part in his white-collar job to pursue being a jujutsu sorcerer, you remained by his side, not even phased with how absurd it was to you. Kento had told you about his highschool and the existence of cursed spirits earlier in your relationship just as you had also been open with your own past. If it were any other person, you would have casted it aside as some spiritual notion that only hypersensitive people would believe. Hell, you have never seen spirits before. However, it was Nanami Kento, he would never beguile you. Then you did your best to understand, asking a lot of questions that still left you perplexed and skeptic. But as time permitted, it was something you learned heartily for him because you loved him. 

   Nanami Kento found everything meaningless: attending school from your youth to adulthood just to learn how to function in society, graduate for society and one’s survival, working every weekday to feed yourself, then having measly day offs spent to recuperate or to throw hard earned money into things that would simply pass as memories. 

However, in jujutsu sorcery, he found that life in service with a simple thanks and another chance at living was what he would rather be spending this meaningless cycle on. But also, he knew the price that had to be paid in exhaustion, danger, blood, and tears. 

Tears. 

Of all the many things the man found distasteful, he hated seeing your tears the most. It left a nauseating twist in his stomach at the thought. You deserved all the happiness in the world, something that he could not be sure to provide now. So the blonde had given you several chances to break off your four-year relationship with him because he knew what his occupation cost and the pain that would ensue between you or him. 

Still, you were here with him in the passenger’s seat of his car as he drove you both away from the city clamor.

   He had just picked you up from work, brought you home to dress down before heading out for the evening drive. You did not know where he was bringing you, it had nearly been an hour's travel, but you did not mind it one bit. Contrary to the man’s austere nature and lackluster ideas, his presence was calming. He was self-assured, in a way that tells you he calculates everything down to its minute detail that you should not worry any more. 

Your head rested against the cool glass window, soft smile on your lips while your eyes remained closed. Your hand was intertwined in Kento’s bigger one as he steered with one hand, eyes trained forward. It was quiet, something you both appreciated, simply enjoying the mellow jazz playing through the speakers. 

The highway on the mountain was almost empty, save for a few cars heading back to Tokyo and some buses. Kento allows his dark hazel gaze to drift over to you. You looked so peaceful and content, something he wished he could give you everyday. Irresistible smiling lips humming along a familiar song you dubbed as your favorite from his playlist. Dainty fingers tapping against his knuckles to the rhythm. He wanted it forever. 

The velvet box in his slack pocket weighs heavily against his thigh.

He wished he could have this forever. 

But he couldn’t. He shouldn’t tie you to him permanently when he didn’t know when he’d breathe his last, when was the last time he’d come home, or when will be the end of him spoiling you like this.

Yet he wanted to be so damn selfish with you. He could not bear seeing you with another man showering you with the blessings you deserve. He only wanted you to have it with him alone. As shameful as that sounded for a man of his repertoire, he just loved you too much to let you have it with any other. 

“Kento, you’re sweating.”

The said man discreetly looks where your hands were joined, delicate fingers comically smaller to his and your thumb rubs comforting circles over his veins. Thinking you found it uncomfortable, he mutters an apology, releasing your hand in favor of wiping them against his cream slacks. You pout up at him, stubbornly reaching for his hand once more, gripping a little tighter this time.

There was a faint smile on his lips at the gesture and the way your bottom lip jutted out was tempting for him to kiss. 

“Why are you nervous?” 

He had wished he was somewhat a little more of an  expressive man, that way you could easily read him and be content with obvious gestures. But he wasn’t and you took it upon yourself to understand even the most miniscule movement of his muscles to know what he was feeling. 

“It’s warm in here,” he says.

“The AC is on,” you answer a little too nosy and a little too worried.

He chooses not to respond as the car is approaching your destination and he shifts into a lower gear, preparing to park. You gasp at the scenery when you step out excitedly ahead of your boyfriend. You were both still on the road by the side of a mountain, but off to a space that seemed to be a pit stop for travellers to just step out and rest. You could see the whole of Tokyo from where you were, the lights looking like a cluster of stars on earth glimmering before you. The air was fresh up where you were but cold hence you were glad that the blonde man reminded you to bring your cardigan before you left. 

“It’s breathtaking, Kento,” you say turning towards him with a huge grin as he stands beside you behind the railings. He hums in agreement, elated that you appreciated what he had in mind. 

You step closer to him, leaning a head on his bicep, the height difference making it impossible to rest on his shoulder. His palm comes to rest at your waist and the warmth of his body through his dark dress shirt coaxed you to sigh with ease. You both stood there awhile, letting yourselves soak in each other’s presence before the view of the city, gentle breeze kissing your cold nose. 

Nanami Kento wanted this forever. 

You were both stable, at your prime, and he could not imagine any other direction your relationship could go. He was a serious man and he was intentional when it came to his decisions especially involving people. How much more for someone like you who slowly made your way into his life then his mind then later on his heart? 

He wanted this forever even if he shouldn’t. 

But what if?

What if he could?

“Your heart is beating fast, honey, what’s wrong?” you whisper, already concerned at his silence while his body gave you disquieting signals. Your head was tilted towards him, sunken cheekbones, strong chin, and narrow dark eyes, and you carefully eyed the way he breathed. 

Your boyfriend inhales deeply, while you listen in anticipation, his smooth voice low and earnest.

“I want to marry you, (Name).”

The words alone cause you to freeze up in surprise, he wasn’t even looking at you. Was he serious? Was he just discussing? Or is he currently proposing? His gaze was far off, perhaps to avoid himself crumbling before you. 

“I want you to be all mine,” he continues, “legally, of course.” 

Your heart soars, while your mind processes. You were tempted to snicker at his last phrase, your boyfriend being the ever eloquent and romantic. But you remain quiet, allowing the man to speak in his vulnerability. 

“But it would be selfish of me to keep you when a jujutsu sorcerer is destined to die at any given moment.” 

The reminder sends you down another spiral, it was true that you never knew when you’d see Kento for the last time but if you could have him for these moments now and before that, why shouldn’t you?

“Still,” he mutters lowly, his palm pressing you closer to his side that you can hear the intense thrum in his chest, “I want to be selfish. God, I do.” 

A shiver runs through your spine at the possessive nature of his deep tone. 

If he were to die, he wanted to pass with no regrets but he hoped you had none too if that were the case. Kento finally turns to you and you mirror his movement, his palm sliding up to your arm and down to grasp your hand with his two hands. His face was stolid as ever, the lines and sharpness of his features accentuating his contemplative expression. Dark hazel eyes look into your own with hesitancy around the devotion he held in them and you are enraptured by his stare. 

“(Name), is it okay for me to be selfish?” 

He hated to see you cry. But here, you looked so beautiful, your adoring eyes a looking glass with how the tears bubbling in your eyes glistened under the moonlight. Your face was flushed and you were smiling up at him with a crooked grin. His thumb quickly catches a slither of a tear, rough skin gentle against your fragile skin. Your hand comes up to keep his palm there on your cheek which was swiftly moistening with the tears that fell. Kento frowns when your smaller palm keeps his prisoner from wiping them away.

“Is this your unconventional way of proposing?” you ask gently, half in teasing and half in pursuit of admission. 

The frown remains present on his handsome features but a perfect brow arches at your question, “Was it that bad?”

You burst into airy giggles at that, your boyfriend was ever austere and ever so rigid that it was only natural for him to ask. You calm down, gazing back up to him who held the same expression but with a sense of anticipation swimming in his deep pools. 

“No, it wasn’t at all,” you reassure him, fingers curling between the gaps of his own on your cheek,

“Yes, Kento, you may be selfish.”

The answer sends a liberating flutter in the man’s chest, absolutely floored by your devotion to be with him despite the danger and pain that inevitably followed him. However, with that same knowledge, he vows to protect you. 

Kento smiles, not the faint smile you were used to, but an unabashed overjoyed smile. 

He releases your hand in favor of the velvet box in his pocket. You grin in enthusiasm, overwhelmed by the surprise, love, and anticipation for the next chapter of your lives. Your boyfriend, well, now fiancé, opens the box, revealing a silver band with tiny diamonds lined along it and a cushion diamond in the center. 

“(Name), not only is this an engagement ring,” Kento tells you, gently sliding the ring out from its cushion, “but also a reminder for you.” 

Once again, unconventional for the man but you were not complaining, grateful that he thought everything through thoroughly. 

“I want you to promise me to save your tears.”

There was a sudden weight at the words and your fiancé gazes at you with all deliberation. You realize he was referring to the inevitable tragedies that may befall you both. He was asking you not to cry for him if it happened. He gingerly takes your smaller hand in his, delicately gliding the cool band onto your ring finger. 

Kento quietly admires how beautifully it sat on your complexion just like how he imagined after going through selections with a tired jeweler. You were doing the same, tenderly examining it, the city lights and the moon catching the glimmer of the diamonds. 

The man gently tilts your chin to meet his eyes, content, urgent, loving, and devoted.  His fingers were gently brushing away the remaining wetness off your cheeks. He bends his face a little lower, pressing a sweet kiss into your lips. Your lips melded against his so effortlessly and he kept it there for a moment, relishing your “yes” and commitment to be with him. You were perfect for Nanami Kento and you would be there for him, heart ready to face the tragedies that entail the jujutsu sorcerer. You were scared but you would learn to be brave for him because you loved him. 

“I want you to promise me to save your tears,” that honey voice repeats in your head. 

He pulls away slowly, leaning his forehead against yours as he vows with his whole heart, 

“Because I promise you too that I will find you in the next life.”