Archive of Our Own ^beta

“C’mon it’ll only be a couple hours!” Guzma begged, nearly down on his knees before his unfortunate partner.

Cyrus sighed heavily and reluctantly closed the novel he’d recently immersed himself in. “And Nanu needs a house sitter why, exactly?” Honestly, this sounded like just another nonsensical excuse for the Kahuna to skip out on Guzma’s training yet again. 

Guzma huffed and stood up, the irritated look on his face all that was needed to tell Cyrus how correct his previous thoughts really were. “‘Cause his damn cats ‘get lonely’. Fuckin’ jackass.” 

Ah, yes, of course they do. Because everyone knew how much wild Meowth of all things, craved human attention. Cyrus didn’t relent on his unimpressed expression, even if he already knew he’d be caving in to helping Guzma, he certainly didn’t have to make it obvious.

“So anyway, I figure if ya watch his stupid station for ‘im, he ain’t gonna have another excuse t’ fuck off and ditch me again, right?” 

Cyrus kept his mouth shut on how ridiculous that thought process was. Nanu was a master of “fucking off” as Guzma would put it. This hindrance in his plans wouldn’t stop the man from thinking up something else to test Guzma’s patience later.

Just as he was about to deny his partner, the idiot had to pull out the big guns. The Bug-specialist put on his most adorable pitiful looking set of Baby-Doll Eyes. "Please Cy? I won't ask ya for nothin' else for the rest of the week. I'll even keep Goli from chewin' on your books again!"

Cyrus's eye twitched, “Fine. Let’s go.”

“Hell yeah!” Guzma leapt to his feet with a fist pump and grabbed his partner’s hand, barely giving Cyrus the time to set his book down properly before he was being dragged out of the shady house.

–

The only thing to improve Cyrus’s mood about this entire ordeal was the absolute put-upon expression that filled Nanu’s face at the realization his scheme had been thwarted. It didn't last long.

“Sure your boyfriend can handle it?” Nanu sneered, clearly still trying to wriggle out of Guzma’s training. 

“Uh, yeah! Cy loves Dark-types!” Guzma thwacked his hand against Cyrus’s back, hard enough to make the shorter man stumble. 

Idiot. “They’re cats. I’ll survive.” Cyrus snipped, tugging his vest down and brushing it free of imaginary dust.

Nanu spared him one of his patented smug smirks. “Oh, well if that's whatcha think, by all means.” The Kahuna gestured to the Police Station’s doors, obviously waiting to see Cyrus enter the building. Not one to shy away from a challenge, Cyrus huffed and marched forward. Nanu was clearly making mountains out of Diglett mounds.

Shooting a side glare at the smug Kahuna in question, Cyrus opened the door to the ramshackle Police Department...and promptly found himself falling ass-backwards to the ground as no less than thirty Meowth launched themselves onto him.

Nanu belted out a deep laugh, "Well ya sure look like you got it handled there, kid. C'mon Guzma, ya wanted training right?"

Cyrus managed to remove a Meowth who'd decided his face was a perfect resting spot in time to see Guzma hesitate, glancing back and forth between the buried Sinnohan and his distasteful teacher.

"Go on," Cyrus grunted, barely dodging a kick to the face from the Dark-type cat in his hands. "Go finish training." Or whatever it was those two got up to when Nanu was supposed to be. Honestly, at this rate you'd think the man didn't want to retire as Kahuna.

Guzma hesitated a moment longer, a whine escaping him as he ran his hands through his hair almost pulling at it, but managing to stop himself at the last minute. "A'ight, we'll be back, er...later?"

"Oh yeah, sure. Later." Yet another chuckle came from Nanu, as he turned on his heel leading Guzma out of sight. 

Cyrus glared at their retreating steps, "Yes, later..." Nanu, it seemed, was testing them both.

–

Nanu was a dick.

Guzma already knew this as fact, but the thought continued to slap him in the face each time he failed to dodge a well aimed Mud Slap from the Kahuna’s Krookodile. “The hell kinda trainin’ is this!?” he finally spat after whipping the latest glob of mud off his face. 

“You wanna be the next Kahuna? Can’t be afraid to getcher hands dirty.” Nanu called out all too smugly. A silent gesture with his hand was all the warning Guzma had before the mud started slinging once again. 

“Fuck–” Guzma barely ducked fast enough to avoid yet another mouthful of mud. He could only hope Cyrus was faring better than he was. Apparently Nanu wasn’t too happy to have his previous plans to skip out on training thwarted. But seriously?! How the hell ’s this fair??

So irritated at the endless barrage, Guzma didn’t notice when the next attack landed in front of him until his foot slipped out from under him on his next step forward. The resulting crash and skid through the muddy landscape left Guzma out of breath and flat on his back. 

Thank the Tapu Nanu decided not to hit him while he was down, “Heh, I think he got the point, come on back Krookodile.” 

“Bastard.” Guzma wheezed out seconds before Nanu entered his field of vision, a cocky grin still firmly planted on his face.

“Well now, that was fun wasn’t it? Ready t’ go back and see how well your boyfriend’s doin’?” 

Guzma contemplated slapping away the hand Nanu offered to help him up, but he was too fucking tired to pass up on the assistance. “Fine.” His pride hadn’t gotten him far with either Kahuna he’d worked with, and Nanu was far more likely to ditch him in the Poni Wilds than Hala would’ve been. 

The trip back to Ula’ula and Nanu’s station was quick thanks to Nanu’s ride pager, and the younger man’s eagerness to be home was perhaps a little too obvious. So it wasn’t a surprise when Nanu commented on it as they landed before his makeshift house. “Relax, you’ll see your boyfriend soon enough.” The kahuna chuckled and Guzma couldn’t help recalling the foreigner covered in Meowth at his tone. “Or what’s left of him.”

Guzma wanted nothing more than to wipe that smug look off Nanu's face, “Suck it old man, I toldya already, he likes Dark-types. Ain’t nothin’ your damn cats could do t’ scare ‘im off!”

“Ya sure about that, are you?”

Fuck if Nanu didn’t know exactly how to get under his skin and make him doubt. Guzma grit his teeth and somehow restrained from throwing a punch at the old geezer. Probably woulda dodged it anyway. Or fucked with him even more and used the resulting injuries to skip out of future ‘training’ sessions. As if those were doing any good. 

"After you." Nanu gestured towards the station and Guzma crammed his fist back in his pocket, angrily stomping up the short path to the door. 

With great hesitance, he reached for the handle, expecting the worst as he twisted the knob. Flinging the door open and taking two big steps away from the entrance in one motion, Guzma felt his back crash into the obnoxious Kahuna he’d had to spend the day with. If Nanu had any comments about his reaction the words went unsaid as both stared at the doorway in confusion. 

Since when did Nanu’s Meowth not launch themselves at the open door?

“Uh… Cyrus?” Concerned for his partner, Guzma took a step forward only to stumble back again as a single bored looking Meowth came to the door, paws crossed behind its back and wearing a bow-tie of all things. "...'s'at a cat butler?"

Guzma exchanged a confused look with Nanu who merely shrugged. "Don't look at me."

Before Guzma could grill Nanu about his weird acting cat, Cyrus stepped up behind the Meowth, looking just as bored as the cat. "Are you planning to come inside, or do you simply delight in leaving doors hanging open?"

Guzma shared yet another look with Nanu before cautiously entering the police station following behind the rather blank-faced Sinnohan. 

What they found was nothing short of bizarre. Guzma took several minutes to register the group of usually frisky Meowth now going about the station in an orderly fashion. Some were cleaning, a few were categorizing Nanu's possessions, one seemed to be cooking food of all things! The Meowth who opened the door held out a paw and meowed in an unimpressed rendition of a butler, doing gimme claws at his hoodie.

"...What the fuck didja do to my Meowth?" Nanu broke through Guzma's daze, sounding equal parts distressed and in shock. Really, who wouldn't be at this encounter?

Cyrus huffed in the way Guzma had learned so long ago was the sound of the man stifling a laugh. "Just a little house training. They are only cats."

As the Sinnohan turned to face them Guzma outright cackled at the smuggest shit-eating grin the shorter man wore. Sure Nanu would probably give ‘em both more hell later in retaliation but all this? "This is fuckin' amazing."

"So glad you think so."

"So glad you think so," Nanu parroted with a scowl, still trying to register the abrupt changes of his beloved cat Pokémon. "Get the fuck outta my house!"

"Guzma's training will be the same time tomorrow, then?" Cyrus asked oh so innocently, as if he didn't recognize the Beedrill nest he was poking.

"OUT!"

Guzma had never laughed so hard in his life as he dragged Cyrus out of the station and away from the fuming Kahuna.