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Chapter Text

“Stop fidgeting” Sirius heard right before his mother smacked his wrist away from his hair. Sirius scowled in frustration. He hated whenever they had to go out. His mother would brush his hair down and use a horrible gel to keep it flat on his head. Sirius hunched his shoulders to avoid further scrutiny but to no avail.

His mother’s strict gaze bore down on him. “Use your brother as an example. Regulus has managed to keep his hands away. Have some control, Sirius.”

Sirius glanced over at his younger brother and saw the familiar little smile that came whenever their mother praised him. He was very used to that small smile. Regulus looked nearly identical to him except he was better somehow in Walburga’s eyes. Maybe because Regulus’s nose was slightly more cherubic and his hair was never out of place like Sirius’s was. Sirius heaved out a long suffering sigh and tugged at a bit of his curling bangs that had escaped the strong gel.

“But mother it's the first day of summer” He said, trying hard not to whine. Walburga hated whining. “I don’t want to go shopping yet. I don’t have to be at Hogwarts for a whole summer!”

“Blacks do not slack off” Walburga said with a sniff, checking her own hair one last time. It was pulled back into a perfect bun, not a hair out of place, and finished off with a sharp silver pin in the shape of a snake. She smacked Sirius’s hand away from his bangs once more and placed a firm hand on each of her son’s shoulders.

“We will get your school supplies ahead of time. You will begin your studies over the summer. When you become a Slytherin you will excel ahead of your other classmates and follow in the steps of all Blacks before you.”

Sirius rolled his eyes now that his mother was facing away from him, guiding them both towards the fireplace. Regulus let out a soft giggle and Sirius realized his little brother had seen the dramatic eye roll. He shot a grin over at Reg and pretended to move his mouth along with Walburga’s words as their mother continued on a long and familiar soliloquy about the great and noble legacy of the Black family. Sirius had heard it a thousand times and it was easy to mock, and it was fun to make Reg laugh. Still he didn’t want to spend his first day of summer shopping for school supplies! Certainly not! The letter from Hogwarts hadn’t even formally arrived yet! Regulus was lucky he had one last normal summer before his eleventh year.

Walburga silenced her tirade long enough to grip their shoulders more firmly as they stepped into the fireplace. A bit of Floo powder, and a sneeze from Reg, later and they were stepping out into Diagon Alley. Sirius did perk up now, excited by the cacophony of sights and sounds that greeted his young eyes and ears. Maybe it wouldn’t be so bad.

“Sirius, take Regulus’s hand. Do not get lost.” Walburga said before starting off with purpose, her black boots clicking along as she walked, her green dress swishing about her ankles.

“Come on, Reg.” Sirius said, grabbing his brother’s hand with a bright grin “Maybe mother will let us go to the sweet shop at the end of all this.”

Regulus grinned right back and nodded eagerly.

The brothers stayed close as they weaved through the crowd, keeping up with their mother’s fast pace only due to habit. Sirius didn’t even have his school list yet, but that didn’t seem to stop Walburga. She dragged them in and out of stores all day, making purchases and demanding things be sent to their Islington home. Walburga Black was met everywhere she went with hurried nods and polite quick words. Walburga Black demanded respect. Sirius was only a child and to him his mother deserved the respect and subservience that was shown to her. He didn’t yet notice the way people around them moved out of their way in fear. He didn’t notice either the dark looks leveled at Walburga and her sons as they passed by. Sirius was used to the fact that things were just done for them. It was their right, according to mother, and mother had always seemed to know everything. She was stern and strict and unloving but she commanded respect even from her two sons.

It was a dull day for two young boys who would have much rather been mucking about at home enjoying their freedom from lessons. Sirius didn’t even really get to participate in any of the selection of items. At first he eagerly followed her into every shop, thinking he would get to select his quills or his robes or anything at all. Instead Walburga made the selections, barely even glancing over at her eldest son. Emerald green quills, smart tailored black robes, and the finest book editions. Sirius sighed as each choice was made for him. He’d wanted a blue quill but when he piped up about that his mother had leveled him with a stern look.

“The colors of Slytherin are green and silver,” She said before paying for the items.

Sirius wanted to groan. He knew the colors of Slytherin and he knew he was going to be in Slytherin. Still he didn’t want the cauldron with the embossed serpent on the side! The one with two roaring dragons was so much cooler! Why did everything have to be for his house? He expressed this sentiment to Regulus as they waited outside the bookstore. Walburga hadn’t even let them come into this one and instead had them wait outside. Possibly because Sirius had bumped into a display in Twillfit and Tattings, sending a bunch of high end ties fluttering to the ground, much to her displeasure.

“I just don’t see why I can’t have things that aren’t green and covered in stupid snakes.” Sirius grumbled, kicking at the ground. He rubbed a hand through his hair, messing it up. Regulus was standing still and his hair was still in place.

“Mother says that house pride is important.” Reg said, looking over at his older brother.

“Yeah sure but I’m not even in Slytherin yet!” Sirius said, throwing his arms out. “And blue is my favorite color! What's so bad about having one blue quill?”

“Blue is a Ravenclaw color.”

“I know that too. It's not like it's red though. Not like it's Gryffindor, you know. Like what's so bad about Ravenclaw? They’re just smart. Not so bad to be smart.”

“But it's not Slytherin.” Regulus said simply, smiling over at his brother.

Sirius knew Reg wasn’t trying to be difficult. He was just...Reg. He took what mother said to heart. He didn’t question it. Sirius scowled and scuffed his foot against the ground again.

“It's not Slytherin. I know. It's just that I-” Sirius cut off as the door opened and Walburga came out. She handed him a book and he looked down at it in surprise. Everything else had been sent home. He wanted to moan as he realized that Walburga intended for him to begin his studies truly right away. Sure enough at the next shop she had them wait outside again, informing Sirius he should begin his reading. The book was on potions, his mother’s favorite hobby, and was bound once again in green.

“At least the clasp of this is made of brass.” Sirius said, showing the potions book to Regulus “You think mother forgot to ask for silver? She’ll yell when she notices.”

Regulus laughed at that and covered his mouth. “Shhh, Sirius, you’ll get in trouble.” He said.

Sirius only grinned wider. He liked when Reggie would relax enough to let out big laughs rather than just his polite little giggles. He leaned in towards his brother and lowered his voice as if he had a secret. “Wait till mother notices that the front cover has a flower on it.” He said in a gravely serious voice. “I mean I knew her eyesight was going but it's such a shame she can’t spot the difference between flowers and snakes these days.”

Regulus laughed harder and Sirius joined in this time around, leaning against his brother as they let their little bubble of joy wash over them. The book really was nice and Sirius knew it was top of the line. Everything they owned was, though, and to a child it didn’t matter. Sirius and Regulus chattered together quietly until Walburga emerged again and led them onwards.

It wasn’t until they arrived at Ollivander’s that Sirius perked up and assumed he was allowed to be an active participant in his life once more. Walburga strode in and both Sirius and Regulus followed. Sirius heard the little gasp that came from his little brother and he couldn’t help but agree with that feeling of awe. Out of all the things he had seen today he was most amazed by Ollivander’s. Boxes and boxes of wands crowded the walls and led to funny narrow passages. Some wands were out on display and the brothers eagerly crowded around a table with many wands and descriptions of their craftsmanship. There were short wands, and long ones, wands made of pale looking wood, and wands made of wood that was almost black. Some wands were simple and plain, others were embellished with whirls and decorations.

“What do you think you’ll get?” Regulus asked breathlessly. Sirius grinned and gingerly reached out to touch a wand that had a little metal bauble on one end.

“Something cool and powerful.” He said haughtily. He couldn’t wait to get to try out the wands and get one. Maybe one with a carving would be neat.

“Madame!” A sudden loud voice cut through their chatter and both boys looked up. Walburga was standing proud and straight in front of a funny looking older man. The man had very plain and modest robes and white hair down to his shoulders. Sirius presumed this was the Ollivander that the shop was named after, and he was daring to talk back to Walburga Black.

“It's just not how it's done, Madame.” The man continued, talking in a clipped but polite tone “The wand chooses the wizard! I am sure your son will find a wand within our store but-”

Walburga held up her hand and the man stopped speaking. Sirius drifted closer to figure out what was going on.

“Do you presume to know my son better than I?” She said in a tone that Sirius knew really well. It was her scolding tone.

She spoke calmly and coldly and Sirius felt a familiar shiver go up his spine. The older wizard wrung his hands together and Sirius felt bad for him. It was hard to be under Walburga’s gaze when she was displeased with you. Ollivander didn’t look like someone who was used to dealing with cold anger.

“Madame, it is almost unheard of to give a young wizard a wand that they themselves have not sampled. The young lad must feel the wand, allow it to choose him, and feel the magic properly. A wand chosen for him could endanger him.”

“My son is the heir to the Black family name.” Walburga said and Sirius was so impressed that the man didn’t just cower away. Ollivander instead set his mouth in a frown, but he listened.

“He will have the same wand as his father has” Walburga continued “We are purebloods. Perhaps ones with lesser blood would have difficult managing a new wand, however my son will not have issues with this.”

Sirius puffed his chest up slightly. Yes. Yes that was right. Why would he have trouble with any wand? He was a pureblood and of course nothing was really going to be a challenge for him.

Well, but still…

His eyes drifted back over to the display of wands. It was funny. Some of them didn’t interest him at all. Some he felt almost drawn to. One of them he really really wanted to pick up. Was Ollivander really telling the truth? He wanted a wand to choose him. That sounded so cool. He stepped forward to say as much but Walburga had already won. Ollivader was nodding his head and giving Sirius a funny sad look before bustling towards the back. Sirius had never been looked at like that before and he didn’t know what it meant. Eleven year olds didn’t understand a look of pity.

Sirius didn’t even get to try his new wand in the shop. Walburga took the little box and tucked it under her arm, turning and striding out, grabbing Reg’s hand on the way. Sirius stalled behind. Ollivander gave him that look again.

“I hope the wand works well for you, lad.” The man said and Sirius found his voice shaky but kind. “If you have troubles with it you can always come see me. It's a strong core, but a stubborn wood. A loyal wood, if it finds the right wizard.”

Sirius glanced towards the door but mother was fixing Regulus' outfit. He had a moment. “What's the core? What do you mean about the wood? What if the wand doesn’t choose me?” He asked nervously.

The man smiled softly at his questions. “Dragon heartstring, lad. And Blackthorn wood.”

Sirius grinned at that. “That sounds cool!”

Ollivander chuckled slightly at the child “Yes, Mr. Black. Very cool.”

“Mr. Black is my father.” Sirius said, scrunching up his nose. “I’m just Sirius.”

“Well, Just Sirius.” Ollivander said in amusement. “You seem like a brave and capable young man. I have no doubt you will manage with your wand. Blackthorn needs a strong hand, but the wand will learn you over time.”

Sirius didn’t think he was all that brave, but the words still made him grin. His mother would have told him it was an unseemly sort of facial expression but he’d never understood how he was supposed to change the way he smiled. Ollivander didn’t seem to mind. Sirius wanted to ask more questions but he heard the shop door open again before his mother’s voice called his name angrily.

“Thank you.” Sirius said before dashing back towards Walburga. She huffed at him in annoyance and finally seemed to notice that his hair was rumpled.

“Honestly, Sirius.” She snapped, using her hands to roughly settle his hair back to rights. “Can you not manage to embarrass me for one day? Regulus has been quiet and behaved the entire trip and he is a year younger than you.”

Sirius bit on his lip and flashed his eyes over to his brother. Regulus looked down apologetically. Sirius didn’t speak, just let his mother fix his hair. Walburga stepped back and eyed her two sons.

“Now we are almost finished. I need to pick up some ingredients for my work. You two will be quiet and follow me. Closely now.” Walburga turned and strode off and Sirius grabbed his brother’s hand again. He followed his mother but he wasn’t really looking at her. Instead he was looking at the box tucked under her arm. He was desperate to see his wand and she wished she had let him carry it rather than the dumb book.

Walburga led them to a less trafficked area of Diagon Alley and then down a side street. Things changed slightly then. The sky seemed farther away and everything seemed grimier. Regulus balked slightly as a cat hissed at them, but Sirius dragged his brother along. Mother wasn’t slowing down and this place was too scary to get lost in. He passed a sign that declared ‘Knocturn Alley’ as they entered another street of shops. This place was completely different. He didn’t see anyone else around their age. Instead it was all adults and they all leered at Sirius and Regulus in frightening manners. Even the magic in the air felt different here. Sirius could hear Regulus gasp and he turned to see what his brother was looking at. Sirius stopped in his tracks and stared at the shop window that appeared to be full of shrunken heads.

“A-Are those real, Sirius?” Regulus asked timidly.

Sirius stared at them and then tugged on Reg’s hand. “No.” He lied, though he thought they were “It's probably just stuff for pranks, Reggie. That's all. Come on, we can’t lose mother.”

Sirius had to drag Regulus away from the horrid shop. For a fearful moment he thought that Walburga was gone. He couldn’t see his mothers green dress or sharp bun anywhere. Sirius’s heart began to pound rapidly as he thought about being alone in a place like this. Then the crowd parted slightly and he saw their mother still walking away. Sirius quickly dragged Regulus to catch up with her and hung right behind her. He reached out to grab Walburga’s skirt but she slapped his hand away immediately. He just followed close then, unwilling to get lost here. He tried not to look in any more shop windows and he hoped Reg was doing the same. Eventually they came to a dark and grimy looking shop that declared it was an apothecary. There had been a much brighter and nicer apothecary on the other street! Why had they had to come here?

Walburga turned and looked down at her two boys and pointed to a bench outside the shop. “You will sit here until I am finished. Sirius you will read your book and be prepared to tell me about the first chapter once we arrive home.” She said before striding into the shop.

Then they were alone. Sirius sat on the bench and tugged Regulus down beside him. He was supposed to be the big brother, and Ollivander had called him brave.

“Weird place, huh Reg?” He said with a smile.

His brother just gave a nervous little nod. Normally Regulus had slightly red cheeks and a perfectly blushed button nose. Now he was terribly pale. Sirius nudged him gently.

“Oh come on, Reg. It's not so bad. I mean look over there.” He pointed towards an area across the street from them. “Looks like a menagerie, right?”

The area had a crooked and dull sign that declared ‘Magical Beasts of all Varieties’ and there was a birdcage setup below it with a couple of funny looking things listlessly flapping about inside. The menagerie looked to have a few sprawling pathways dotted with cages and enclosures, a bit like the muggle zoo their nanny had once taken them to. Regulus had loved that until mother had declared it an unfit place for two pureblood boys to be. Sirius could hear strange noises coming from the menagerie and now that he had pointed it out he saw that Reg was interested.

Sirius grinned “You know mother and her potions. She’s going to be in there for ages. You want to go look at some of the creatures?”

Regulus hesitated, looking towards the door of the apothecary shop. “Mother said to stay put.” He said.

Sirius laughed and ruffled up his hair. “Come on Reggie, she won’t even notice. We’ll just go through really quick. I bet they have some of the creatures in that book you like.”

Regulus tried to fix his hair and gave Sirius a little grin. “Yeah. Okay. We can be quick.” Reggie had always loved magical creatures. He could only resist so much.

Both brothers gave a last glance towards the apothecary before hurrying across the street and into the menagerie.

Finally a bit of fun for the day, Sirius thought as they began looking into each cage. There were all sorts of creatures. Some of them were easy to identify, like the Moke in the first cage. It was really just a boring lizard but the dirty plaque claimed that the Moke could shrink at will and that its hide made wonderful purses. This one didn’t look very willing to perform. It looked old and boring. Other creatures were far more exotic and had the boys enthralled; like the Fire Crab with a shell covered in jewels. Oddly it seemed like some of the jewels were missing and the shell of the creature was covered in scars. Then there was the cage of Owls that all seemed to be missing feathers and had dull sad eyes. Sirius was sure he had never seen sadder birds.

The deeper they got into the menagerie the more Sirius started to notice that all the creatures were old or hurt or just not very lively. The enclosures were also pretty barren, not like the muggle zoo where things had had trees and ponds and lots of grass. He started to feel a bit sad about the creatures, but Regulus was excitedly running from cage to cage and spouting out facts left and right. Sirius didn’t have the heart to point out all the neglect to his eager little brother.

“Sirius look!” Regulus said in excitement, peering into another enclosure, this one made of glass with water inside. “It's a bunch of Flying Seahorses! Cool. Mother would like this, you can use them in potions.” Sirius stepped up to the tank and saw several lackadaisical creatures bobbing around. He winced when he saw one dead at the bottom of the tank. Reg didn’t seem to notice that either.

Sirius turned his head and looked around to see how much more there was to see. They were nearly at the end. There was a larger enclosure near the very back of the alley and this piqued his interest. He shoved his hands in his pockets and started to wander over. He wondered what large beast was in this cage. This cage also had more people around it. Most of the menagerie had been eerily empty, with only a few people loitering around and looking in the cages. This back cage had a small gaggle around it and Sirius could hear people laughing. Whatever was in there must be the best part of the show.

“Reg come on! I want to see that!” Sirius said, pointing over.

Regulus was quick to join him and the Black brothers moved over, worming their way through the small crowd to the cage. They ended up right by the dirty old plaque which was mostly worn away but declared that the cage held a fearsome Werewolf. Sirius and Regulus looked at each other with wide eager eyes before standing on tiptoes to try and get a look at the fearsome beast that had the crowd so eager.

“It's just a boy” Regulus snapped in disappointment as they saw the Werewolf.

A boy it was. Sitting near the back of the enclosure was a dirty looking child. He was gangly, all long limbs, and his hair was long and matted on his head. Sirius couldn’t tell much about him at all since his predominant feature seemed to be dirt. He wasn’t sitting like a human though, he was sitting more like a dog, back on his haunches. His nails looked long and unclean and his gangly torso was covered in scars and bruises. He had human trousers on but that was the only bit of clothing. Sirius felt his stomach turning as he noticed that this enclosure was just as barren as all the others. There was a small blanket against the back wall as well as two bowls. One seemed to have grey brackish water in it and the other was empty. The only other thing inside the cage were the coins. Sirius didn’t know why but it seemed like there were several coins around the cage. They looked like sickles. Maybe people paid the boy?

Sirius got his answer soon enough when one of the nearby people reached into their coin purse and pulled out another sickle. His companion laughed and elbowed him “Aim for the head.” He said with a laugh. His counterpart grinned before flipping the coin through the bars and towards the boy. The boy flinched away and tried to dodge but the coin slapped against his shoulder. Sirius heard the pained yelp as the boy scrambled away from the coin.

Suddenly it became clear. Sickles were made of silver. Sirius knew enough about werewolves to know that silver was painful to the werewolf. He could see the boy swat the coin away and a circular red mark was left in its place. Another coin was tossed and the gaggle of people laughed as this one found its mark against the boy’s cheek. Sirius heard him cry out again and the sound was so horrible. He saw his face for the first time as the werewolf tossed his head back to get rid of the silver sickle.

The boy had to be around Sirius’s own age, with a long narrow face traversed by several scars, and big sad brown eyes that seemed to meet Sirius’s own right away. Sirius found himself staring at the werewolf and the werewolf stared back. He didn’t seem like a beast at all. He just seemed scared. Sirius knew that feeling. He felt scared too. He wanted to say something to the people around the cage but his courage failed him as the boy looked down and hugged his long legs to his chest.

“This is boring.” Regulus said at his side, scrunching up his nose. “Werewolves aren’t even interesting unless it's a full moon. How stupid.”

Sirius glanced over at the werewolf boy before taking Regulus’ hand

“We should get back to the apothecary.” He said quietly.

He glanced over at the werewolf and found the boy was staring at him again. Maybe his eyes weren’t brown. Maybe they were golden? That was wolflike. Sirius felt his stomach twist again and he wished he had his wand with him. He didn’t know really anything about magic spells yet, but maybe he could have thought of something. He could have made the coins go away or he could have made the people all have runny noses so they would have to leave or...or...He just wished he could have done something. Regulus started tugging on his hand and Sirius started to follow, not breaking eye contact with the werewolf. Sirius eventually dropped his head in shame and let his brother drag him back towards the bench of the apothecary. Ollivander was wrong. He wasn’t brave at all.

*  *  *

Remus had been in this cage for a long time. His view of the world was a very narrow one. He could see the other cages that were near to him, he could see the sky above him, and he could see the brick wall directly behind him. Sometimes if there wasn’t a crowd he could stare out of the menagerie and at the busy shop street across from him. Those days were rare, but very exciting. Mostly he just saw what was right by him. Mostly he just saw the people. They would come every day and taunt him and watch him. He never got a moment of peace to himself. Even at night people could wander into the public menagerie and leer into the cages. Most of the time that was worse because they were drunk and stinking and Remus already didn’t like the dark.

But he had his blanket that he could curl up and hide under. When he had been younger he could wrap it all around him and not see the world at all. Now his legs and arms were longer and it felt like some part of him was always exposed. He hated that feeling of never being fully safe.

Everyday the people would crowd around and say horrible things to him. At first he hadn’t understood them but over time he had learned what the words meant. The things were never kind. They would throw the coins as well. He wasn’t sure when that had started but it became quite popular to laugh at the wolf boy who flinched from silver. He suspected that the trend had been started by The Owner of the menagerie.

The Owner was a tall and spindly man that Remus hated more than anyone in the world. He didn’t know what he was called. He had a sagging pitted face surrounded by stringy white hair. His eyes were dull looking and his mouth always had a greedy twist about it. The Owner wore robes that were old and faded but still supposed to look fantastical. Every day he was in a different color of faded threadbare robe, with a bright hat shoved on top of his thinning hair. Every day he would wander up to Remus’ cage and ask

“How much did you get me, little wolf?”

And Remus would be required to scrape up all the sickles and bring them over to The Owner. He would have to do this on all fours because The Owner didn’t like it when he stood up on two legs. If Remus did that the man would scream at him because Remus ‘wasn’t human’ and ‘needed to act like the damn wolf he was’.

Remus hated having to touch the coins. It means his days would start with his hands all tingling and red. The itchiness would go away by noon but by then there were usually more coins already in his cage, making his nose tickle and his stomach turn. On the weekends, when there were more people, the silver could sometimes make his vision swim and he would curl up and try and hide.

The closer it got to the Full Moon the more people would come. They were eager to see if the werewolf looked any different coming up to a moon. Remus knew he didn’t look different, but he felt different. It always felt like his bones wanted to leap from his skin and his teeth ached badly in his mouth. Everything always seemed louder too and the noise threatened to overwhelm him. On these days preceding the moon he found himself pacing from one side of the cage to the other, just trying to work out his energies. People seemed amused by this and The Owner let him get away with it.

Then there were the moons themselves. This was the only time that admission was charged in the Menagerie. Otherwise The Owner made his money by the sickles thrown into the cage and by selling off exotic pets to Dark Wizards. But on the evenings of the full moon The Owner would set up a stool by the entrance of the Menagerie and collect a toll. After all it was the only safe way in the wizarding world to see a Werewolf transformation. The people would be kept back from the cage by an additional fence, but they would crowd around all eager and jeering. They would often come drunk since it was the night, and they would be rowdy and horrid. They would toss things at the bars and Remus would try so hard to cover his ears and stay as far back as he could manage. It didn’t matter though. Eventually he would look up at his narrow bar of sky and he would see the moon and he would feel the pain.

His body would rip itself apart. His bones would finally leap from his skin like they had been craving. His teeth would do the same, elongating in his jaw and ripping screams from his throat. The wolf would take over and Remus would give himself over to it. The pain was unbearable but once he was the wolf he could at least have a reduction of thought. The Wolf only knew the people and the animals around it. It would throw itself against the bars of the cage, slathering and feral. It wanted to rend the humans outside its bars. It wanted to taste the blood of the magical creatures beyond. It wanted to run. Oh god, how the Wolf wanted to run. Eventually the Wolf would realize it could not escape the bars. It would pace in circles and howl then. It would bite its own legs and thrash and scream for freedom.

Eventually the Wolf would lie down and Remus would wake up. Then all his world was was pain. He wouldn’t even know the cage or the people or the square of sky above him. He would only know the pain of his own limbs, shoved into a body that now felt too small. He would feel the throbbing of his jaw and his head and the bruises of where the Wolf had thrown itself against the bars. He would feel the blood dripping on his limbs and he would weep.

The Owner would always toss in the necessary medical supplies and Remus would be in charge of patching up his wounds with the Dittany and bandages. Then the Menagerie would close for one day, one blissful day, and Remus would sleep.

That routine had continued for years and Remus had grown used to it, or as used to it as he could manage to be. Nothing much changed in his life besides what animals were in the cages near to him. He liked whenever someone would come buy an animal because then he could eagerly await the newest menagerie addition. He would sit in his cage and watch as whatever new creature was brought in. The creatures never really liked Remus, perhaps they could tell he was a predator, but Remus watched them with awe regardless. He wished he could read the dingy plaques that The Owner put on things. Remus could only read his own plaque which said he was a violent and deadly creature, a true scion of the Dark. He had no idea what the word scion meant but he was pretty sure it didn’t really apply to him anyways.

Remus didn’t know a lot of words but somehow he knew reading. He had to go slow but the words came. He liked that that meant at some point he had had a life before the cage. Someone had taught him to read. Every once and a while a page of a newspaper of a flier would blow through the wind and into the Menagerie. A couple of times it had been close enough for him to reach from his cage and snag off the pavement. These bits were treasures. He would huddle over them and read agonizingly slowly about the newest scandal of wizard celebrities or about the latest craze in wizard fashion. It was all nonsense but he adored it regardless. He wished he could have more of it.

Maybe that was why he had noticed the boy. He noticed the book first, really. It was a few days before the Full Moon. Remus was feeling irritable and tired and he had had the same group tossing coins at him for hours. He wanted quiet so that he could curl up and sleep, but one of the fellows had startlingly good aim and whenever he would settle a bit of silver would slap against him. Remus was trying to be as small as possible, which didn’t work so well for him any more. He heard a voice that stood out from the rest and he glanced up between the curtain of his matted locks of hair. He often kept his hair in front of his face so the humans couldn’t see that he was watching them.

He saw the book first. A beautiful book bound in deep emerald green leather with a brass clasp holding it shut. The most beautiful book he’d ever seen. It was held casually by a very pale hand. The hand was also the most beautiful hand that he had ever seen. It was perfect, without a single blemish and with nails that were all neat and trim. That was a rich hand. It probably had a lot of sickles to throw. He followed the hand to an arm, to a shoulder, and up to a face. Oh. A young face. The other boy had dark hair that looked plastered to his head in a funny way. The ends just curled around the bottoms of his ears, hinting at unruly curls that had been tamed by gel. His cheekbones were sharp, leading to lips that seemed to be parted with a bit of surprise, the same surprise that Remus could see in the boy’s grey blue eyes. The boy had probably never seen a Werewolf before.

Remus felt something sting against his cheek and his head jerked out of reflex to get the coin away from him. When his head lowered he and the boy were looking eye to eye. There was something else on the boy’s face now and it made Remus stare at him. He looked sad. Remus wanted to crawl closer to the bars, to ask about his book, but he was scared to get close to the loud men beside the boy. Instead he hugged his long legs to his chest to keep himself from moving forward and begging to ask about the book and the boy.

He heard the other voice again and his eyes saw another boy beside the first. They looked so alike they must be brothers. This human was younger and he looked impatient and bored. The older brother, with the book, spoke and Remus eagerly listened to his voice. It was all proper and clean but it just sounded nice. Remus leaned forward as he realized they were leaving. He wanted to shout. He wanted to ask about the book. He wanted to talk to the boy his age. Before he could manage a noise they were both gone, swallowed up by the crowd and the narrow vision of Remus’ world. He was alone again.

Chapter Text

Sirius’s hand was cramping up and he slumped over his writing desk with a long and dramatic moan. The moan was quickly followed by the soft snickering of his brother.

“I’m going to die here” Sirius said dramatically, flopping his arms to the side and letting his head roll backwards.

“No you aren’t” Regulus retorted softly from where he was reading across the room, sitting on Sirius’ bed. “You’re going to finish up the lines and then we’re going to play wizarding chess.”

“No. Death comes for me.” Sirius bemoaned further, slumping down more in his chair until he slid right off onto the floor. He flopped over onto his stomach and groaned loudly into the plush carpet of his bedroom.

Walburga had assigned him homework. When she came out of the apothecary and found that Sirius hadn’t even opened the brand new book, let alone read the first chapter, she had leveled a cold and angry gaze and Sirius had known he was done for. At least she hadn’t ever learned that Sirius had snuck off with Regulus in tow or then he would have been grounded for the rest of his youthful days.

It was several days since their trip to Diagon Alley and he had read the entire first chapter of his potions book and was now annotating each page on clean parchment and it was horrible. Mother expected him to have something to say about each and every page. She expected him to ‘make connections’ between material.

“Mother should teach at Hogwarts.” Regulus said with a little laugh. This elicited another noise from his brother. 

“Reggie...I love you, but please do not give her the idea.” He rolled onto his back. “I think mother would follow me to Hogwarts if it would make me into a proper heir of the noble Black family.” He scrunched up his nose and stared up at his ceiling.

His bedroom was incredibly austere for an eleven year old. It was taken up by a massive four poster bed made of a deep dark wood along with the writing desk and bookshelf of the same dark wood. The walls were a greyish green and the wood floor was covered with a deep green carpet. There was a huge fireplace as well, covered with an ornate brass grate depicting twining serpents. On the walls his mother had hung up some tapestries but Sirius didn’t really care for them at all; they were of dark trees and vines and one where a Unicorn was being hunted ruthlessly. He hadn’t gotten to choose anything about his bedroom. Once he had hung up a poster from a Quidditch magazine and the next day it had been torn down. His mother had told him it was frivolous. It seemed like everything that Sirius liked was deemed frivolous and pointless.

Sirius propped himself up on his elbows and looked over to where Regulus was reading. “Want to help me pull the grate off the fireplace?” He said with a grin.

Regulus looked at him with a frown “Why would you want to do that?”

Sirius grinned “Knicked some Floo Powder from mother.”

“Sirius!”

“Don’t be like that, Reg.” Sirius hopped up and moved over to the fireplace and the big grate. “She’s been such a hag lately. I just want to pop back to Diagon Alley. We never got to go to the sweets shop.”

“I’m telling.”

Sirius scowled over at his brother and crossed his arms. “No. You aren’t.”

“Yes. I am.” Regulus said, lifting his little chin. But his lips were quivering and Sirius’ eyes narrowed.

“If you tell mother then I won’t share any of the sweets I bring back. If you tell mother I won’t even let you hold my wand.”

Regulus faltered then. He had been begging for days and days to just hold Sirius’ wand, just for a second. His little ten year old mind adored his older brother and he thought it was so amazing that he had a proper wand, just like their father’s. He ducked his head and Sirius felt triumphant as Reg gave a little nod before hopping up and moving to help his brother.

“Just let's...I dunno, let's yank at it.” Sirius said, grabbing hold of the brass grate and pulling. It was a big effort for two boys who never had to work a day in their life, but eventually they managed to scoot the decorative grate back enough that Sirius could slip behind it and back out again.

“Brilliant!” Sirius said with his hands on his hips. “Mother won’t even notice it moved at all.”

“She will notice if you’re gone and your annotations aren’t done though” Regulus said primly.

Sirius gave another dramatic eye roll. “I know, Reg. I’ll finish all this and then I’ll go tonight.”

“Sweets shop will be closed at night.”

“Gee, Regulus, I’m glad you seem to know everything but you’re ten and I’m eleven and I know it's open later on Saturdays.” He lied.

Regulus and Sirius had another stare down but, like always, Regulus eventually backed down in acknowledgement that Sirius was the elder and had the know of things.

To tell the truth, Sirius didn’t care if the Sweets Shop was open at all. He just hoped the Menagerie was open. He had been thinking about the werewolf all week long and he knew that the full moon was coming soon. He just had to see the boy again and he didn’t quite know why. But this time he would have his wand and he would...Do something. He would do something brave. He just hadn’t figured out what that brave thing was. It was probably something stupid as well. Brave and stupid. Yes. He could manage that. 

He wiped his sooty hands off on his trousers, whereas Regulus smartly grabbed a towel out of Sirius’ laundry and cleaned his hands off that way. Sirius headed back to his desk and plonked back down. The first part of the mission was finishing annotations on how best to dissect plants before using them in potions. Boring, but if he thought of it as part of the mission it wouldn’t be quite so bad.

Time seemed to drag the rest of the night. Sirius finished his annotations and had brought them to the dinner table. His parents ate at one end and he and Reg sat down at the other. He’d given his work to them and the rest of the dinner had been silent. Eventually near the end of dinner his father had expressed his displeasure at Sirius’ handwriting and then nothing more. Walburga had leveled him with a look that showed that tomorrow Sirius would be writing much much more. For once it didn’t matter and he just nodded until he was allowed to go up to bed.

“Don’t get caught.” Regulus whispered from the other end of the hallway before both brother’s went into their rooms for bed. 

Sirius went through his nightly routine and laid down in his bed, just waiting for the rest of the house to go to sleep. Eventually he heard Kreacher moving down the hall mumbling to himself as he turned off the lights. The Black house had gone to bed. Sirius slipped from his own bed and quietly tugged on his shoes and one of the new robes his mother had bought him. He slipped his wand into his pocket along with another tiny bag of Floo powder, some stink pellets, and a bag of money. 

He wiggled behind the brass grate and stood in the sooty old fireplace. He knew this was connected to the Floo Network but he had never actually used the fireplace in his bedroom to do so. He’d never even traveled by Floo on his own. He was nervous but he still managed to speak clearly.

“Diagon Alley!” He said.

Traveling by Floo on his own seemed much more disorientating than it had when his mother had held onto him. He felt himself get all turned about and he screwed his eyes shut to avoid being sick. Eventually though he stumbled from a fireplace and found himself stepping out of one of the many fireplaces that dotted the outside of Gringotts bank.

Diagon Alley looked different at night. It was quiet and subdued, all the bustling shopping crowds were gone. It wasn’t devoid of life though. Sirius saw a few buildings that still had lights shining from them and laughter pouring out of them as well. Those would be the pubs and such. The Sweets shop was closed. Sirius tugged the hood of his robes up and tried to stand as tall as he could as he strode down the street. How did adults walk? With purpose, mostly, and fast. He tried to walk like that, like he knew what he was doing. It was so hard not to get distracted by things though. He wanted to look into the windows of the stores that his mother had breezed past, especially the one that hosted Quidditch supplies and brooms. He reckoned that an adult wouldn’t shove their face against the glass of the prank store though, and so he didn’t.

The nearer he got to Knockturn Alley the more he balked. He could hear louder noises coming from there and it seemed like the activity of the darker street hadn’t died down as much as Diagon Alley had. He even heard a scream from the corridor. He stared down at the dark street entrance and thought about his warm bed. He’d always found his childhood home stifling and cold but now he thought it seemed like a wonderful place to be compared to this. He swallowed and thought about Ollivander calling him brave again and reached into his pocket to hold tightly onto his new wand.

He squared his shoulders and walked down into Knockturn Alley. He stared straight ahead until he passed the frightening display of shrunken heads, and then he looked about himself in trepidation.

Yes there was much more activity here. There were the pubs, just like in Diagon Alley, but the activity in these pubs seems much louder and tended to spill onto the street. One pub had a few tables outside in the middle of the alley and these tables were filled with some of the most frightening looking witches and wizards that Sirius had ever seen. He stayed close to the edge of the alley and walked quickly past that. There were other things happening that a young Sirius didn’t really understand; people talking together in doorways in hushed voices that quieted as he passed, people exchanging things between their robes that he wondered what the nature of was, a woman wailing somewhere in the night. For an eleven year old it was like stepping through a nightmare.

By the time he reached the Menagerie he was covered in a cold sweat and his hands were shaking. The Menagerie was still accessible and Sirius stepped inside. Most of the cages were quiet, though one of the Owls let out a forlorn little hoot as Sirius walked by. He didn’t see anyone else until he reached the end of the Menagerie and the Werewolf cage. There was a man there up against the bars. He seemed to be waving his wand in the direction of the Werewolf and was drunkenly laughing.

It took a few moments to realize that the drunken man was using some sort of hex on the werewolf. Every time the wizard’s wand swished the boy would flinch and cower as if something was biting at him. Sirius whipped out his wand and pointed it towards the oblivious wizard but...he didn’t know anything yet. He looked around him and his eyes landed on the sad Owls. He hated to do it, but he did have an idea. He shoved his wand away and took out his packet of stinking pellets instead.

“I’m really sorry.” He whispered to the owls before cracking one on the pavement before their cage. He covered his own nose and scurried behind another cage as the stink started up. In no time the sad tired Owls were making a fuss, beating their wings and hooting loudly over being bombarded with a bad smell. Sirius could hear the wizard drunkenly hollering back at the Owls, clearly confused by what was going on. 

“Annoying bloody birds!” The wizard finally shouted before stumbling drunkenly from the Menagerie with a hand over one ear.

Sirius waited a bit longer before he approached the Werewolf’s cage and stood near the bars. The boy was still curled up, with his face buried against his bony knees. Sirius noticed when he came towards him the boy tensed and he realized the boy probably assumed he was someone else coming to torment him.

“Hi.” He said instead, tugging down his hood.

The boy looked up in surprise and stared at him.

Sirius shuffled from foot to foot, unsure of what to say. “I’m Sirius.” He said simply, reaching a hand into the cage. The boy seemed to stare at it and Sirius laughed nervously. A werewolf probably didn’t shake hands. He took it back and shoved it into his pocket.

“Do you speak? I don’t know if you do or not. I saw you earlier this week. With my brother? We were here to get school supplies and things. I saw you then.”

“The book.”

Sirius jumped slightly when the boy spoke back. He had been starting to wonder if the werewolf understood him. The boy’s voice had been...normal. Sirius felt a bit horrid inside when he realized that he had expected the boy to sound more like an animal, perhaps a bit growly. Instead he had a nice and normal voice, mellow even.

“What do you mean?” Sirius asked, tugging at his hair.

The boy smiled and shifted to sit cross legged. “You had a book with you. A green book. It was very pretty.”

“Oh.” Sirius scrunched up his nose in distaste “Yeah it's just my Potions book. It's boring and horrible.”

The boy tilted his head and gave a little grin and Sirius thought that looked a bit wolflike “Yes I suppose a rich boy like you has many beautiful books.”

Sirius found his ears heating up bright red and he wished he had long hair like the werewolf so that he could hide them. He hated that his ears blushed when he was embarrassed. The boy was right though, he had many beautiful books. He felt a bit guilty about that now, about not realizing that someone like this boy might find a boring potions book special.

“Do you know how to read?” Sirius asked

“I do.” The boy pointed at the dingy sign near to where Sirius was standing and intoned “Werewolves are a violent and dangerous species. They are rated XXXXX and are true scions of the Dark. Werewolf pelts and teeth are prized and the beasts are hunted efficiently for these luxury goods. This juvenile werewolf will be harvested as he comes of age.”

Sirius looked at the sign in further horror. How awful to have that proclaimed right where this boy was sitting. It made him want to be sick. Harvested? As if he was just some plant or object. Sirius thought about how earlier Regulus had talked eagerly about the flying seahorses being used in potions. People thought of this boy as just the same sort of thing, a thing to be used. 

“You’re crying.” the boy said

“I’m not.” Sirius retorted, reaching up to rub the tears away from his eyes quickly. He wasn’t supposed to cry.

“Why are you here?”

“I…” Sirius looks up at the boy again. I’m here to do something brave and stupid . He wants to say, but the fire has gone out of him. Now that he’s here he doesn’t know what he wants to do. The cage doesn’t really seem to have a lock on it, and it must be charmed beyond belief. How would he, a boy with no training, rescue a werewolf. Oh. Yes. And that had been his intention. In the back of his mind he thought that somehow he would march into the Menagerie, wave his wand about, and rescue this boy. He reached out to grip the bars. “What's your name?”

The boy was silent for a long time, staring at Sirius with uncanny calm. He seemed to be sizing him up.

“Remus.”

Remus. His name sank slowly into Sirius’ chest and settled there. He wanted to repeat it back to the boy, but he didn’t. Still he could feel the way the syllables would curl on his tongue, and he liked it. He smiled in delight at being told this wonderful bit of information. His smile turned into the big wide grin that always caused his mother to smack the back of his head. 

“Okay, Remus. Give me time. I’m going to get you out of this cage.” He promised, channeling all the bravery he could manage.

Before the boy could respond he shot him a wink and turned and dashed away. After all he had a lot of planning to do and bravado only got so far when you were eleven and still pretty afraid of the dark.

*  *  *

Remus’s week had been fairly normal. The Full Moon was coming and his bones felt it, but he had gotten used to that ache. The people came and went, of course, but he had gotten decent at ignoring them when they were not too loud.

The nights were the worst, of course. The Owner would leave and Remus would be there all alone. He knew his cage was charmed but it didn’t keep people from harming him. The drunkard that had come that night had been using a stinging hex on him for hours. He hated it, it felt like little flies biting at his skin. He wanted to scream in frustration and turn into the wolf and rip the man apart.

Instead there was a bunch of commotion from over where the owls were and the drunkard seemed to find this annoying enough to move along. Maybe the owls had seen a mouse or something. The Owner hadn’t fed any of them tonight. Remus knew his own stomach was growling and he longed for food, he was sure the owls felt much the same.

He heard footsteps and flinched but instead he heard a kind voice. It was the boy from earlier and Remus felt the shock of seeing him through his whole system. He looked different tonight. His dark hair wasn’t gelled down and instead was wild and curling about his face. He couldn’t believe that he actually got to talk to him. He assumed he would never see him again. 

But they did talk and his name was Sirius and he cried when Remus read the sign. His pretty grey blue eyes had filled up with tears. The tears had settled on his dark lashes like small stars and Remus had never thought anything was prettier than seeing someone feel sympathy for him. The second that Remus had pointed out he was crying Sirius had dashed away the tears, but Remus had already filed away that image into his mind. Someone cared.

Sirius asked him his name and Remus gave it to him. Suddenly he was known. The Owner never called him Remus. He called him ‘little wolf’. The people at the cage never called him Remus either. They called him ‘beast’, ‘abomination’, and all sorts of nasty things. Remus held his name inside himself like a precious gem. It was the only thing that he properly owned. Everything else could be taken away at any second, but not his name. He didn’t know how he knew his name either, but he knew it was what he was called. He had always been Remus. Just Remus. Sometimes after the Full Moon when he would be lying in pain and curled into a ball he felt like he could hear a woman’s voice softly saying his name. He supposed it was the memory of a mother. He had once had a mother. If she still lived she did not know him now.

Except Remus had given his name away to Sirius and now he was not the only one who knew who he was. Sirius was clearly rich and spoiled and was used to getting gifts. He hadn't even cared about his beautiful book. He didn’t seem to understand that Remus’ name was a treasure. Instead he had just grinned at Remus and Remus had stared back. He’d never seen such a wide and unruly smile. It had made him want to smile back, but his face hardly remembered how. And then, then Sirius had lifted that proud little chin of his and declared the most wild statement in the world, winked, and ran off into the night.

Remus had been left staring where the boy had been and he realized his mouth was hanging slightly open. Get him out of the cage? The boy thought he could rescue him? He was mad! Remus lifted his hands to cover his mouth and buried his whole face and hands against his knees. He found his lips twitching and it took him a moment before he realized. Then he let the feeling take over him and he was smiling. Properly. As wide as Sirius had smiled, except hidden behind his hands, his knees, and his curtain of hair. Alone in the dark he smiled madly to himself and thought about the wonderful wild boy with grey eyes had far far too much self confidence.

Remus didn’t sleep well that night because he couldn’t stop thinking about Sirius. In the early hours of the morning he did manage to curl up under his blanket in a fitful sort of sleep. He was awakened to the familiar sound of a clang against the side of the cage. He let out a bleary little yawn as The Owner set about waking the entire Menagerie by smacking his wand against the bars. Remus moved through the morning distractedly, handing over the sickles, eating his moldy sad little breakfast, and sitting down to wait for the day to pass by. His aching jaw, a sign of the moon, didn’t even phase him today.

“I’m going to get you out of this cage”

Sirius’ words kept ringing through his mind. He had no reason to believe in the other boy. He was just the same age as Remus and he couldn’t have that much power.

And yet…

Remus did believe him.

Which is why it was even harder when Remus didn’t see the boy again for quite some time. The Full Moon passed badly. The Wolf seemed to feed off of Remus’s anticipation and excitement and it spent the entire night smashing itself against the bars and roaring for freedom. It had been loud enough that The Owner had put a silencing charm around the entire cage so that the audience wouldn’t have to deal with the howls.

The morning after the moon Remus felt like every inch of his body was bruised. He could tell that he had a fever as well. He was just glad that he hadn’t caused a bunch of bleeding, but still moving was horrible. He dragged himself to his water bowl and placed his head down to drink. Like usual it tasted like dirt but it was still refreshing on his aching throat. He curled up then, tangling his hands into his hair and gripping tightly to his throbbing scalp. 

He was glad the menagerie would be closed today. He could spend the entire day whimpering to himself and wishing for a bigger blanket to shake under.

“I’m going to get you out of this cage!”

The words kept pounding through his head, in time with each agonizing throb. He could picture Sirius’ grin and his silver eyes and his stupid wink. Remus sort of hated him today. Remus wasn’t used to having hope and he wasn’t used to having hope be slowly dragged away from him either. But each day he didn’t see Sirius was another day that his hope slowly ebbed away. It had been days. Maybe the rich boy had gotten bored when he had gone home and opened up his beautiful books to find the horrors of werewolves written within. Sirius should have never said such a foolishly lovely thing if he didn’t mean it! Remus hated him! 

“Hi Remus.”

Remus lifted his head in startled surprise to see a pair of grey-blue eyes and a mischievous smile standing nearby. Sirius was back. Remus opened his mouth and all that came out was a tiny gasp. Sirius’ smile vanished and the boy stepped closer to the bars.

“I’m sorry I wanted to come earlier. I read about Werewolves and everything says that the transformations really hurt, and so does the recovery. I wanted to bring you stuff.”

Remus blinked and wondered if all this was a result of his blazing fever. The Menagerie was closed on days after the moon.

Sirius continued, pointing back over his shoulder. “I paid that creepy wizard like so much of my allowance to get in here to see you.” He smiled and pulled a satchel off his shoulder. “But look.”

Remus watched in silent amazement as Sirius began pulling things from his bag. The blanket was first. It was a lovely deep green thing with a silvery S emblazoned on one corner. Sirius shoved this through the bars as if it wasn’t an absolute treasure. Remus took it with shaking hands and whimpered when he felt how soft the blanket was. He dragged it over his aching body and flopped back over onto his side. He buried his face into the blanket and sighed in relief. He’d never felt something so soft. He cracked his eyes back open as he heard Sirius putting more things through the bars.

“This is one of my older books.” Sirius said, pushing the leatherbound thing towards Remus. “It's better than that potions book you thought was cool. This one has actually good stories in it. Not boring schoolwork.” 

He grinned and reached back into the bag. “I wish I had thought to bring medicine. I didn’t know you would be like...all bruised. But I brought this!” He pulled out something else and put it through the bars.

Remus reached a hand out of the blanket and touched the book first. His hands were too shaky to pick it up right now so he let it lay. He reached for the other thing that Sirius had placed inside the cage. It was a purple wrapped bar and it smelled really nice.

“What?” He croaked weakly.

“Oh.” Sirius blinked in surprise, apparently Remus should have known what this was. “Well it's chocolate.”

Sirius rubbed a hand through his messy dark hair “I wanted to get you better food but Kreacher was creeping around the kitchen and I didn’t know how. But I thought the chocolate would at least be something. Try it, it's good!”

Remus sniffed the bar again before tentatively peeling back some of the paper. He darted his tongue out to lick the corner and let out a gasp. He quickly took a large chomping bite of the chocolate bar. It tasted like warmth. Remus didn’t know how else to categorize it in his mind, but it tasted warm. It coated his tongue in the most wonderful flavor and somehow it managed to also soothe the ache in his throat. Before he knew it he had devoured half of the bar. He heard a noise and looked up to find Sirius laughing at him. Remus balked and Sirius instantly held up his hands.

“Not laughing at you, Remus. It's just you and Regulus eat chocolate the same way. Regulus is my brother. He’s always so neat and clean except he gets chocolate everywhere.”

Remus rubbed at his cheeks and his hand came away with both chocolate and dirt. He gave Sirius a shrug and went back to finishing the rest of the chocolate. When he finished he looked up and found that Sirius was just standing there watching him.

“I don’t want to go back home.” Sirius blurted out. He heaved out a sigh and leaned dramatically against the bars of the cage, facing slightly away from Remus. “Mother makes it so hard to get out. It's summer! I should be able to mess around. Reggie gets to. I have to study. Even though I don’t go to Hogwarts yet.”

“What's Hogwarts?” Remus asked, scooting closer to the bars in his little blanket bundle. He’d never had company after a Full Moon. This was sort of nice even if Sirius was just complaining.

“School.” Sirius said, leaning his head back against the bars and staring up at the sky. “Wizarding school. I’m starting my first year there soon. I’ll be in Slytherin like my cousins and the rest of my family has been. The owl with my acceptance letter came just this morning. Except mother is acting like I'm already at Hogwarts. I have all this stuff to do and I just want to have summer!”

“There is a wizarding school?” Remus asked quietly. Sirius turned his head over and looked at him in surprise.

“Well yeah, of course! How else do people learn magic?”

Remus supposed that made sense. He just hadn’t thought of it. He didn’t think he had any magic at all. He certainly had tried to have magic for a while, to escape, but he could never make the spells he heard witches and wizards using work for him. He wanted to go to Hogwarts. He wanted to be a Slytherin with Sirius, whatever that was.

“Do you have a wand?” He asked softly.

Sirius perked up and nodded, pulling it out of his pocket. “Its ten inches of Blackthorn wood with a Dragon Heartstring core.” He said proudly. He showed it off to Remus.

For some reason Remus felt like the wand didn’t belong to Sirius. It was long and made of a dark wood. The wand was basic and simple with a rounded end and no markings. It felt wrong for Sirius and Remus didn’t know why.

“It's no good.” Remus said bluntly.

Sirius instantly looked crushed, staring at his wand. “That's not true. It's the same wand my father has. It's a wand for powerful wizards!”

“Doesn’t suit you.” Remus said with a small shrug. He should have stayed quieter.

“Oh what would you know?!” Sirius said, raising his voice in frustration “I’m the heir to a very powerful wizard family. I’m a pureblood . You’re just a werewolf!

Remus lowered his eyes and tugged the blanket up over his head. He’d heard worse things from people, but it hurt more coming from Sirius. His first friend. There was silence outside his blanket and Remus assumed that Sirius had left and was never coming back ever again. Instead he heard a noise and peaked out of his blanket once more.

Sirius had placed another chocolate bar down begrudgingly. “I need to go plan the escape more.” He said, still pouting. 

Remus didn’t get to say anything back before the willful boy had turned on his heel and left. Remus watched him leave and then dragged the book and the chocolate bar into his new little nest. 

His body hurt and his fever was bad, but Sirius was still planning to get him out. Even after Remus had said bad things and they had fought. Sirius was going to get him out. Remus decided that hope was a wonderful thing to have.

Chapter Text

Sirius stared down at his wand laying on the dark wood of his desk. He poked it with his finger and it rolled slightly. He’d let Regulus hold it last night and his little brother had been ecstatic.

“It's amazing, Sirius!” Reg had gushed “Think of all the stuff father has done with his wand and yours is just like it! I wonder what mother will pick for me next year!”

Reg had been standing on Sirius’ bed swishing the wand around and bouncing back and forth.

“It's the perfect wand for the Black heir!” Reg flashed a smile over at his brother.

Now Sirius peered down at the dark wood and sighed. Regulus had known him forever and surely his brother knew more about him than a werewolf that he had only spoken to once. But Remus had declared it so very succinctly.

“It's no good. Doesn’t suit you.”

Why had Remus said that? It had cut Sirius to the core because the wand wasn’t really his at all. It was like his father’s. It hadn’t chosen him and Ollivander had seemed so hesitant to give it to him. Somehow Remus had known that the wand wasn’t right for Sirius and it hurt. Because the wand was perfect for the Black heir, so what did that make him?

Over the past few weeks Sirius had been exactly the sort of boy Walburga wanted for the heir to the noble family of Black. He had hardly left his room, he had devoted himself to reading, and he hadn’t caused any of his usual mischief beyond rumpling up his hair. 

At nights, when he could, he would nick some Floo Powder and visit Remus. He didn’t get to go as often as he liked because he couldn’t make it obvious that the Floo Powder on the mantle was diminishing. But when he could he would visit his new friend and they would sit and talk. 

Sirius found that Remus had a bold and snarky side, always quick to call Sirius out when he said something that Remus deemed as ‘pureblooded nonsense’. Remus mostly let Sirius talk, though, interjecting with little quips now and again but mostly just listening. Sirius found that he desperately wanted to talk. How strange, he talked to Reg all the time. This felt different though, and he realized that having a friend was different than having a brother. 

On the nights that he couldn’t go see Remus he laid awake with his arms under his head and stared at the ceiling. He would think about Hogwarts and how each week that passed brought him closer to school. He had been excited to go to Hogwarts all his life, to step into his Slytherin role, and to carry on with his family obligations. Now suddenly that dream loomed close and nightmarish in his mind. What would Remus do when he went to Hogwarts?

Because despite all his mad studying, Sirius didn’t know what to do. Walburga thought he was only devouring his potions book but Sirius was also reading everything else. He was reading every bit in his textbooks about werewolves and when that wasn’t enough he was lucky to have a brother who had always enjoyed reading about magical creatures. He was working his way through every book on Regulus’ shelf that mentioned the beasts. He read about charms as well, about Alohomora and about all the spells that couldn’t be countered with the unlocking spell. But Remus’ cage didn’t even have a lock on it. So he started reading about spells that exploded things, thinking maybe he could break the bars that way, but what if he hurt Remus in the process?

Remus had been hurt enough.

Sirius' stomach still turned over when he thought about the day after the Full Moon. He had showed up and found Remus purple with bruises and with his eyes looking hollow and dead. Sirius hadn’t known what to do at all and he felt stupid for bringing chocolate instead of medicine. He swore that next time he would bring something better. Remus hadn’t seemed to mind though and had scarfed down the chocolate with bright excited eyes. Sirius was already working on what he would bring Remus after the next full moon. Mother’s insistence on learning potions was good for something, he was able to practice potion making in the kitchen without her thinking he was up to something. He was up to something though, brewing healing draughts when mother wanted him brewing...other things. 

He was finally beginning to understand why mother had gone to the potions shop in Knockturn Alley rather than in Diagon Alley. Mother had laid a selection of ingredients out for Sirius a few days after their trip and asked him to identify them. Sirius had found that many of the ingredients were listed in his potions book as ‘dangerous’ or ‘used in the Dark Arts’, and some were simply not listed at all. Mother told him what these were; Banshee hair, Grindylow Teeth, and Moordak Root. All things that were difficult to obtain and used in potions that Walburga crafted and stored in a special cupboard in the kitchen. Regulus and Sirius had always been told not to touch that cupboard. Ever. When Sirius asked what the potions did she told him one day he would know.

His mother had always been a terrifying but normal presence in Sirius’ life. He had listened to her without many questions. Mother had always known best and had always been a powerful and commandeering force in his life. There had been no need to question her because she had given them everything. The newest robes, the fanciest books, and the most grand birthday parties; all family of course. Father was distant and mother was always close. Sirius had always assumed that that meant she was there for him. She had expectations, of course, but he was sure that even mudblood mothers had wishes for their children. But learning potions that summer, at the kitchen table with mother ever watchful, Sirius finally began to wonder what his mother needed dark potions for.

He pushed those thoughts away to ruminate over another day. Now he picked up his wand and squared his shoulders. He held it out in front of him and clenched his jaw. He’d been trying a couple of first year spells, spells he would learn in his Charms class soon enough.

“Lumos!” He said firmly.

His wand tip flickered and faded and he felt the effort of it all through his arm.

“Lumos! ” He said with more authority. It worked better this time, holding a proper light at the tip of his wand, but he could feel the quivering of the wood in his hand. The second he thought about the shaking wood, the light went away.

He frowned and shook his wand in frustration. It was probably just because he was saying it wrong somehow. He would learn properly at Hogwarts. For now at least he could manage a light for when he next visited Remus. 

*  *  *

Remus felt the blanket yanked roughly off of him and he curled up tighter. He knew there was no use though, he could smell the morning dew in the air and already he could feel the summer heat shining down from above. A wide yawn cracked his mouth open and he rubbed at his eyes.

“Time to awaken, little wolf.” The Owner said, peering into his cage.

Remus sat upright slowly, rubbing a hand over his face and itching at the old scar on his cheek. He watched sullenly as The Owner filled his water bowl and slapped some old bread into his food bowl. The Owner turned to go and Remus moved forward quickly.

“My Blanket!” He said as he realized that The Owner had tugged the lovely soft green blanket out of the cage completely and was walking away with it. The wizard turned back and gave him a wicked grin.

“Didn’t think I would let you keep this forever now, did you, little wolf?” The man said with a phlegmy little laugh tacked on.

Remus’ shoulders sagged. He had expected The Owner to take it away immediately, to be honest, but somehow the man hadn’t said a thing and Remus had been using Sirius’ wonderful gift for almost two weeks now. It covered him up completely and it was the most wonderful thing in the world. He hung his head, his hair covering his face, as he bit his lip and tried not to cry. He heard that horrid laugh again.

“Guests were starting to complain that you never came out of the thing, Little Wolf. Can’t have that. You’re only here for one damn thing. To make me money. Ya got it? So you either sit there like a good little werewolf and get me coins, or I pull another tooth at the next Full Moon. That's up to you, lad. You want the blanket back?”

Remus flinched and his tongue instinctively went to the gap between his teeth on his bottom jaw. It had been a few years ago but he still remembered the one Full Moon when men had come into his cage. He’d found out later that The Owner had needed to pay off a debt. The men had used complex charms to hold the small werewolf down and to rip the fang from his jaw. A werewolf fang was worth quite a lot, even a small one. Remus also remembered how the pain had radiated through his head for weeks and how eating had been so painful. He didn’t want that again. So he shook his head.

“Ya, that's what I thought. Not time to harvest those pearly whites quite yet.” The Owner said before walking away to wake up the rest of the Menagerie. 

Without Sirius’ blanket he felt exposed again. He dragged his older blanket over and wrapped it around his shoulders but it couldn’t cover all of him and it was so dirty and filled with holes. Sirius’ had been plush and clean and had smelled like a whole myriad of new and soothing scents.

By noon the sun was baking hot overhead and Remus had finished all his water. He had also found out a terrible thing, perhaps the most horrible thing he had ever learned.

Chocolate melted.

Who had allowed such a travesty to happen? He wanted to find whomever had allowed such a thing and shake them senseless. Magic existed in the world! And yet no one had devised a way for chocolate to stay firm? When he had decided to finally partake in the last of his precious chocolate bar from Sirius he had found a gooey mess where the chocolate had been! He’d licked it off the wrapper but the hot liquidy substance just was not the same.

Between losing the blanket and the melting chocolate he was in an absolutely foul mood, glaring at all the people who came to gawk at him, even letting a growl rise in his throat. They had just loved that though, and pointed at the feral little boy. They wanted him to be wild.

Fine then. To spite them he wouldn’t be wild at all. He would be perfectly tame. He tossed his blanket off, squared his shoulders, and sat cross legged on the rough planks. He thought about the way Sirius carried himself and copied it. His friend always held his head high, like he was better than everyone else, with his chin tilted slightly and his jaw set firmly. Remus did this, flicking his long mangled hair back over his shoulder and glaring at the crowd. Then he reached behind him and pulled out his book, opening it to his current spot, and sat to read. 

The Owner knew about the book too. It had been impossible to hide forever. Remus had also assumed the man would take this from him. Instead he had seemed completely uninterested in it. Now that the blanket was gone Remus could figure out why. The Owner would end up taking his book, like he took everything, he was simply waiting. He was taking the things away slowly to drag out Remus’ pan. It was just yet another cruel for of torture. So Remus just needed to finish the book before then.

The book was Tales of Beedle the Bard and it was wonderful. Remus had trouble with it, sometimes, haltingly reading the stories. He only had ever gotten to read fragments of papers before, but now he could read a whole story start to finish. He found he really needed to concentrate to understand the words, and some he didn’t understand at all, but he was getting there. When Sirius would visit he would sit near to the bars and point at words he didn’t understand. His friend would patiently read the word out loud and explain what it meant. He never made Remus feel bad about how little he knew.

Right now Remus was reading through a story about a witch and an apple and he was making out quite well on his own, all things considered. He would bet all the fangs in his mouth that Sirius Black had never had to try and read while idiots were flicking poisonous metal at him. He was trying to finish the end of the story when one sickle landed perfectly on the page he was reading, sending a familiar nauseous bile up his throat and a tickle in his nose. Remus couldn’t help it, he exploded.

“Stop it!” He bellowed, standing up quickly and taking two angry steps towards the bars, his hands clenched at his sides, one holding his book.

All he got for his trouble was a few laughing remarks and jeers. He heard a familiar wolf whistle and glanced over the heads of the idiotic crowd to see The Owner glaring at him. Remus huffed out a breath, crossed his arms, and stubbornly refused to sit back down. Sirius wouldn’t have. Sirius would...Oh what would he do? Laugh, probably. Toss his head. Grin. Remus couldn’t manage a laugh but he did manage the little grin and he saw the look of rage that passed The Owner’s face. Remus didn’t care. He was sick of being a game.

He stalked back to the back of his cage and sat down with his back touching the bars. He tugged his knees up and settled his book back on them and began to read once more. 

*  *  *

“You’re going to get in trouble.” Regulus intoned calmly.

“Am not.”

“Are too.”

Sirius stuck his tongue out at his little brother which earned him a small laugh. 

“Mother has about a thousand potion bottles all over the house. She isn’t going to miss three of them.”

“Yes she is,” Regulus said, sitting over at the kitchen table with his chin in his hands.

Sirius was at the counter, ladling his finished Wiggenweld Potion out of the cauldron and into three glass bottles. He had to admit the bottles were beautiful. They were clearly hand blown and the tops of them had silver serpents coiling around the teal colored glass. Only the best for the Black household. He’d tried brewing this potion a bunch of times but this was the first one that had worked correctly. To test it he’d been pricking his thumb with a letter opener. The Wiggleweld had finally healed his thumb this morning. Even if Walburga noticed the missing bottles he was sure he could figure out a reason for their disappearance. He would just think of that later. Tonight was the Full Moon and he planned to be there to help Remus the minute it ended. He had a whole plan.

“I don’t see why you’re even bothering with all this.” Regulus said with a roll of his eyes. “What do you need a bunch of healing draught for?”

Sirius shot him a wink “Not for little brothers to know.”

“Sirius you have to tell me about it! Come on, I’m ten now. I can keep a secret. Please ?”

Sirius tapped on his bottom lip and seemed to be contemplating it. “Hmmmm, I don’t know, Reg. It's a pretty big secret.”

Regulus tried not to squirm in his seat as he tried to look dependable for his big brother. “I’ll do anything, Sirius, I want to be in on the secret. I’ll-”

“Nah.” Sirius said easily, turning back to his work.

He didn’t notice the way Regulus’ shoulders deflated. Sirius had the privilege of being the elder child. He got to decide everything within their relationship. At eleven years old he couldn’t know that what he was doing was crushing Regulus with each casual exclusion. Sirius just wanted to keep Remus to himself.

“Well…” Regulus’ voice was subdued now “Will you play some chess with me later?”

“I’m busy , Reg.”

“Oh. Right.”

Sirius finished topping off the bottles and securely corked them. He shifted the cauldron nearer to the sink so Kreacher could clean it later. Then he grabbed up the bottles in his hands and left the kitchen. He didn’t really pay attention to Regulus following him up to his room, he was used to having Reg as a shadow. Sirius opened his desk drawer and carefully put the potions inside. Now he had everything ready for the Full Moon tonight. It was August 6th 1971 and Sirius Black was about to get in over his head for the first time.

*  *  *

Remus rubbed at his aching jaw in irritation. The Full Moon was coming tonight and he already knew it was going to be a bad one. Ever since the stunt he had pulled last week, yelling at the crowd, he had been getting rough treatment from The Owner. Whether this was being woken up at unnecessary times, lack of food or water, or just screaming at Remus for the smallest things. Remus had found that standing up for himself had only resulted in increased abuse. It didn’t help that along with this his temper rose with the waxing of the moon. He snapped back at The Owner more than he ever had before. He yelled at the crowd too, throwing their insults right back in their faces and snarling at the launched Sickles.

Between using up a lot of energy and not being given proper fuel, by the time it hit the day of the Full Moon he was crabby and irritable and so sick of the sun bearing down on his back. He glared at the world from behind the curtain of his hair. He was at the point of wishing the moon would come and rip him apart just so it could be done with.

Then Sirius showed up. Remus had his chin resting on his knees and was glaring at the crowd. He saw a witch scowl as she was elbowed aside and then there was Remus’ precocious friend, worming his way right up to the bars of the cage. The Owner hadn’t yet set up the fence to keep people back but he had started charging admission.

Remus lifted his head off his knees and flicked back his hair. Sirius smiled at him, that big massive grin, and Remus felt his heart crash down into his stomach.

“What are you doing here?” He asked coldly. His voice sounded all distant. Sirius’ smile faltered on his face.

“I came to see you.” Sirius whispered back.

Remus scowled at him. “You shouldn’t have come.”

He didn’t want Sirius to see him during a transformation! What would his friend think of him if he saw him as the Wolf? He wouldn’t have that kindness in his eyes any longer. He would see Remus as the monster he was. He wouldn’t ever come back.

“Leave!” Remus hissed angrily, feeling his temper rising as the sun lowered in the sky.

Sirius shook his head stubbornly and tugged his satchel out from underneath his robes. “No I’m not leaving.” He said, lifting his chin. “I’m going to be here the whole time.”

Remus wanted to be angry at him still, but instead he buried his face against his wobbly knees. He hid. Sirius cared about him and Remus was terrified of scaring him away. Still if anyone was brave enough, it was Sirius.

The sun faded in the sky and the crowd was pushed back by The Owner and put securely behind an erected fence. Remus could hear the man eagerly riling up the crowd, his faded robes swishing behind him as he paced back and forth in front of Remus’ cage giving his monthly performance.

“What you will see tonight, ladies and gentlemen, is something not easily witnessed!” The Owner called, his rasping voice raised to elicit silence from the waiting crowd. “Nowhere else can you see a beast like this transform before your very eyes! All others who have witnessed such a thing did not live to witness the morning! The Werewolf before you is a fearsome beast that would eagerly rend your flesh just for fun!”

The Owner paused for dramatic effect and the crowd of dark witches and wizards hung on his words. “We all know well that the Werewolves serve the Dark Lord.” The man intoned. This brought about some whispering among the crowd. If this same speech had been given in Diagon Alley it would have been met with whispers of derision and distaste. These were eager whispers, insidiously passing through the crowd.

“This Werewolf before you was bitten by Fenrir Greyback himself!”

The whispers continued and Remus lifted his head. Fenrir Greyback. This speech was new. It wasn’t the classic tirade about Remus’ dangerous claws and fearsome hunger. This was new. He’d never heard the name Fenrir Greyback before, but he would remember it forever.

“What you will see before you tonight is a fearsome display of power .” The Owner said, raising his hands up. “Power that will shake the face of the wizarding world forever. It is beasts like this one before you that the Dark Lord commands! None shall stand in his way!”

The crowd seemed to lean forward with his words and with the darkening night. Not long now at all. Remus and Sirius, just two boys, didn’t understand the political charge behind this speech. Neither young lad had heard about the Squib rebellions happening around, or the pureblood uprisings in response to them. They didn’t know that the Dark Lord had revealed himself quite recently and was slowly gathering followers and people. To both of them this speech only contained a few things of interest and everything else was just fluff to rile up the crowd. Naivety hung heavy on their heads that night.

Remus normally watched for the moon to rise above his cage but tonight he hadn’t been paying as much attention, stuck in his own head worrying about Sirius. He felt the transformation begin though and he scrambled towards the back of the cage to get away from the jeering crowd. Then it all began.

*  *  *

The screams came first. Sirius heard them even though it was hard to see into the darkness now that Remus had moved backwards. But he still heard the screams. His friend’s mellow voice rose into a ragged and shrieking sound. The noise rippled across Sirius’ shoulders and before he knew it he was leaning up against the fence and throwing up his dinner. A wizard near to him laughed and clapped him on the back.

“Careful, lad. You’ll miss the best part.” The wizard said, grabbing Sirius’ shoulder and hauling him back upright.

The screams had stopped now and turned into howls and Sirius watched as a Wolf paced out of the darkness of the cage. The Wolf was big and gangly. It was almost like a normal wolf except its limbs were slightly more long and human-like and Sirius could see his friend in those familiar lanky limbs. Otherwise it was a beast, with a long snarling snout and glowing golden eyes. It lifted its massive head and sniffed the air before letting out a wild howl that traveled down Sirius’ spine and kept him firmly rooted to the pavement.

Then the movement began and Sirius felt fear. Suddenly the Wolf, Remus, surged forward against the bars of the cage. The Wolf was trying to get out and shoved it snout through, biting and gnashing. When that didn’t work the beast chewed at the bars with slobber dripping from its jaws. It spun away in frustration and paced back and forth before throwing itself against the bars again, this time trying to swipe out with large savage paws. Again it failed to break free and it paced away. It returned again, slamming its entire body against the cage and eliciting a gasp from Sirius.

He had thought perhaps the bruises from the last transformation had just been from the process itself but now he realized that this was how Remus had gotten those bruises. The Wolf threw itself against the bars again and again and again. Each blow the beast seemed to get more and more crazed. Each blow would result in purple bruises on his friend tomorrow morning.

Sirius whipped his head around and only saw people having a good time. Some witches in the corner were clinking glasses together and drinking ale as they chattered and watched the Werewolf. There was another wizard who appeared to be taking photos of Remus and his plight. The whole gathering had a light and jovial atmosphere and Sirius felt sick again. The Owner was leaning up against a portion of the fence, clearly making a deal with two wizards who were peering into the Fire Crab cage. No one cared at all. Remus was just entertainment for them on an otherwise mundane Friday night.

Sirius walked along the fence, shoving his way, towards the edge of Remus’ cage. There were less people here and he needed air to breath. The Wolf seemed to follow him, huffing the air and staring him down. Sirius leaned against the fence, reaching out a shaking hand.

“Remus?” He whispered, thinking perhaps the Wolf recognized him. Remus had stopped throwing himself about and was staring at Sirius’ hand. Yes! Remus must recognize him.

Then the Wolf threw itself more savagely than ever against the bars of the cage, shoving its snout through the narrow gap. The Wolf swiped at Sirius and Sirius yelled out in surprise, stumbling backwards and falling on his bum.

“Stupid child!” The Owner hollered, shoving his way over to where Sirius was shaking on the pavement and hauling him up by his front. “Are you trying to get bitten? I don’t need young idiots ruining my Menagerie. Go on, out!”

Sirius felt the man shove him in the direction of the exit. He stumbled a few steps and glanced over his shoulder. The Wolf still seemed to be trying to get at him, biting at the cage and clawing at the air. Sirius noticed blood mixed with the spittle flying from Remus’ mouth. He had never seen anything so savage and terrifying. He ducked his head and shoved his way out of the crowd. Once he was out in the main street he bent over with his hands on his shaking knees and gulped in fresh air. He managed to make it over to a wall to lean against before he started crying. Behind him, from the Menagerie, he could hear howls and laughter coming out in equal parts. He wanted to be sick again. Nothing had prepared him for that at all.

He wanted to just go home and curl into bed and forget the way his friend had just tried to maul him. He started to walk away when he heard more laughter followed by yelps of pain. He stopped and looked back towards the Menagerie. It was only the beginning of the night and already Remus had thrown himself against the bars so much. Sirius had seen blood too. He had to stay. He had to be brave, not for himself but for his friend. Sirius tucked himself into the doorway of a shop, made himself small, and sat to wait.

Chapter Text

Remus had never hated more that he remembered the Full Moons. Normally he had the same flashing memories; the loud crowd, the bars of the cage, the moon driving him wild overhead. The memories came in fragments, it seemed that the Wolf was not a reliable narrator. Remus would remember the Full Moons mostly through sensations of noise and smell. This morning when he woke from the Wolf he remembered Sirius. 

The Wolf had known Sirius’ smell and tracked it. Remus supposed that spending several weeks curled up in the other boy’s blanket thinking it smelled nice meant that the Wolf thought Sirius smelled delicious . He had never wanted to eat something as badly as he had wanted to eat Sirius last night. He remembered a pale perfect hand reaching towards him. He remembered throwing himself at the bars desperate to eat that hand. He remembered the shocked and horrified look on Sirius’ face. Remus knew he had frightened his friend beyond belief and he never expected to see him again.

The rest of the night the Wolf had been utterly wild, angry that its prey had escaped. Remus had woken this morning to find his gums bleeding and his torso covered in fresh scratches. His shoulder felt funny and he thought it must be dislocated. He didn’t even feel like dragging himself over to where The Owner had tossed in the medical supplies. He was a monster and he deserved this pain. He had tried to kill Sirius! His vision swam with tears as he cracked his eyes open.

All across his cage were pages. He let out a small whimper of sadness as he saw the final blow of the night. The Wolf had destroyed his book. The pages of Tales of Beedle the Bard were strewn all about his cage, blowing slightly in the wind. Remus’ cheek was pressed up against one page and he screwed his eyes shut in pain. Now he really had nothing left again. He didn’t have the strength to collect up the pages and most of them were torn to shreds anyways. It seemed that The Owner didn’t need to take things from him after all, Remus would destroy everything himself.

He heard a clicking noise against the cage bars and then a soft swear of frustration.

“Remus.” Came a whispered hush “Remus you need to move over here. I can’t get the bottle through. You’ll have to come to me.”

Remus blinked his eyes open again and his vision swam into focus. Sirius was standing at the edge of the cage, looking bedraggled and concerned for him. He was holding a blue bottle in his hands, it was slightly too big to fit through the bars. 

“Sirius?” Remus whispered back in confusion.

“I have a healing potion. It should help if you can just…” Sirius faltered, his eyes seemed to scan all over Remus’ body. Sirius seemed to look about and saw Remus’ water bowl. He moved over there and yanked it towards the edge of the bars. Remus watched in utter exhaustion as Sirius pulled the cork of the bottle out with his teeth, fit the neck of it through the cage, and tipped it into Remus’ bowl. That done he pushed the water bowl as far as he could into the cage towards Remus. Remus shut his eyes again.

“Remus ” 

The voice came again and Remus let out a soft sigh, letting his head roll. He liked the mornings he would hear the soft and gentle voice. He almost could feel hands running through his hair, soothing him. The voice was usually a woman’s voice, soft and gentle. The voice was the only good thing about the transformations.

“Remus”

Remus mumbled something back at the voice and curled back up into a ball. He hoped that the person didn’t mind how utterly dirty his hair was. He thought maybe there was blood in it now too. If they pet his hair their hands would get dirty and Remus didn’t want that. They were the good thing and he wanted them to stay pristine.

“Remus!”

The voice got louder now, less feminine and more masculine. It sounded so scared. Remus wanted to go back to sleep for ages but he didn’t want to worry the source of the voice. He opened his eyes again and saw the water bowl right up near his face. He was very thirsty.

“Remus, just drink it, I promise it will help.”

Remus shifted to prop himself painfully up on his side to drag himself a tad closer to the bowl. He lowered his head and drank. The liquid wasn’t water and it tingled across his tongue. But whatever it was felt nice on his throat so he drank everything down before collapsing onto his side. He hugged his knees to his chest and tucked his chin down. Now he could sleep.

The tingling continued down his throat and through his entire body. Suddenly his shoulder didn’t hurt so badly and his mouth wasn’t quite as sore. He wasn’t as tired either. He felt the tingling move over his chest and he rolled onto his back to prop himself on his elbows to look down. The fresh wounds were scabbing over. They weren’t healed by any means, but they were much better than minutes ago. He heard an excited whoop and looked over to see Sirius Black punching the air with two fists.

“I can’t believe it worked!” Sirius said in excitement, doing a small dance in a circle before grabbing the bars of the cage and shoving his face up against it. There was that massive grin again. “I’ve been practicing that potion for ages and I didn’t think it would do so well. I have two more already ready. Stupid me though, I didn’t get bottles that fit. That's okay. I’ll just have to come to every single Full Moon for you.”

Remus’ mouth dropped open and he stared at Sirius.

“You’re insane.” He finally said, which seemed to only make Sirius grin wider.

Sirius gave a familiar cocky wink. “I’m a brilliant wizard, Remus. Master of potions. Heir to the Black family name and fortune. Savior of Werewolf kind.”

Remus snorted and dragged himself fully upright and over to the bars. “Insane.” He repeated. 

When Sirius’ smile faltered he reached his hand through the bars and ruffled up his friend’s dark black hair. Sirius’ grin returned and Remus wished he could hug him.

“Thank you.” He said quietly, knowing that he could never impress upon the other boy quite how much this meant to him.

Sirius caught Remus’ hand in his own and gave it a squeeze. Remus squeezed back tightly. This was better than an amorphous voice whispering in his head. This was real .

*  *  *

Sirius had stayed up all night hiding in Knockturn Alley. It had been the most terrifying thing he had ever experienced. All night long he had watched the most unsavory types go by and he had wished he was invisible. He thought he was probably very lucky that he was still quite small and nobody had noticed him cowering in the doorway of the closed storefront.

He hadn’t slept at all because the entire night he had been listening to Remus and the noises from the Menagerie. He had watched as people left the show as well and the dawn grew quiet. Sirius knew the Menagerie closed at dawn but he also knew that the wizard who ran the place was greedy. A few galleons later and Sirius could approach Remus’ cage.

Seeing his friend weak and torn up was something that would be burned into Sirius’ mind for the rest of time. The boy was so weak that he could barely lift his head. It took Sirius practically begging before Remus managed to drink the potion. Things got better then. His friend perked up and called him insane and they held hands. 

Sirius had never had a friend before. Remus probably had never had a friend either. Sirius wasn’t quite sure how to even be a good friend, but he swore that he would do it just so that he could continue to see the fond but baffled look that had come over Remus’ face when the boy called him insane.

Getting home from Knockturn Alley hadn’t been quite so good. Sirius had run from Knockturn into the bright and busy morning of a Saturday in Diagon Alley. Everyone was up early to shop and Sirius dodged through the crowds on the way to Gringotts and their Floo Fireplaces. If Walburga found him out of bed so early in the day he was going to be in so much trouble. Unfortunately Sirius had to wait in a long line of people coming and going from the Floo Network at Gringotts. He hadn’t accounted for the morning rush hour. 

It was almost eight in the morning before Sirius stumbled, coughing, out of his own fireplace and into his bedroom. 

“Mother wants to see you in the kitchen.” Regulus was sitting on the end of Sirus’ bed. His little brother looked glum and was still dressed in his pajamas. “Kreacher noticed you were missing at five this morning when he came to draw the curtains back.”

“Shit.” Sirius said, shoving his hands into his hair and staring at Regulus.

His brother shrugged slightly, “I told mother you snuck out through the back garden.” Reg said simply. “I thought you probably had gone by Floo but that you wouldn’t want her to know about it.”

Sirius headed over and grabbed his little brother up into a hug “Brilliant, Reggie!” He crowed in excitement. This he could work with! He ruffled up Regulus’ hair and grinned at him. “True champ, Reg. I need to go deal with mother now.”

Sirius quickly changed out of his dirty slept-in robes and into fresh ones. His hair was an absolute mess but he figured that was a moot point right now. He was going towards the scolding of his lifetime. He crept slowly downstairs through the silent house and out the front door. Then it was just a matter of taking the run between houses, hopping the back fence, and walking in through the back door into the kitchen.

Walburga sat at the kitchen table with a steaming cup of tea in front of her. Sirius acted like he had no idea she would be there, bursting in and stopping dead in his tracks. “Mother”

“Sirius.” Walburga lifted her head and stared at her eldest son. “Sit and tell me where you have been.”

Sirius slumped into the chair across from his mother and stared down at the table. “Out.”

“Elaborate.”

Sirius licked his lips and tried to think fast “I went...to…” He cleared his throat. What could he say? He shifted slightly and felt his satchel brush against his leg. He reached into it and pulled out the empty potion bottle. He saw his mother quirk one perfect brow.

“I was going to try and harvest Dew of the Full Moon for a potion.” He intoned with a serious little nod. “But I couldn’t find any in our back garden so I walked down to the park, got a bit lost, and never ended up getting any in the end.”

Walburga reached out and plucked the bottle from his hand, took out the cork, and sniffed it. Sirius winced and hunched his shoulders. 

“And why did this bottle previously contain a healing draught, Sirius?”

“Um. Well. So you see…” Sirius bit his bottom lip. “I had tried to make one but it didn’t turn out right so I dumped it and figured I would use the bottle for something else.”

“My bottle.”

“Yes mother.” He lowered his head.

Walburga set the bottle down. “Collection of potion ingredients requires a clean and contaminate free bottle, Sirius. I would have hoped you would have gleaned at least this from your readings. You will reread the first three chapters of your potions book, with an emphasis on the proper foraging techniques. When you are finished you will report to me.”

Sirius held back a yawn and nodded sullenly. All things considered it wasn’t horrible but he was still wary.

“I am pleased you have taken to potions so eagerly.” Walburga said with a tight smile. “I was a touch worried that you were slow for quite some time, but it appears we can make something out of you yet. Now off to your studies, Sirius. No more leaving the house until Hogwarts.”

Sirius left the kitchen and took the stairs up to his bedroom two at a time. He burst into his bedroom with a relieved sigh. He was lucky that his mother just thought he shared a hobby with her. It seemed to make her more lenient than she would normally be. Sirius headed over to his bed and flopped down beside Regulus who had apparently stayed waiting for him. 

“Thanks for covering for me, Reg.” Sirius said, rolling over onto his side to look at his little brother. “Told mother I was out foraging for ingredients and she bought it.”

“Where were you actually?” Regulus asked curiously, glancing towards the fireplace.

“Ahh not important.” Sirius said, flopping an arm over his eyes and yawning. He was exhausted but he knew he was going to have to do the required reading before sleeping.

“Oh come on, Sirius!” Regulus begged, lightly kicking at his brother’s side “I kept your secret, didn’t I? I didn’t tell mother that you were using the Floo network! I covered for you! Let me in on it!”

Sirius grabbed at Regulus’ ankle and yanked. “Leave off, Reg. Don’t kick me. Why are you in my room anyways? You’re being annoying.”

“Waiting up for you.” Regulus whined, yanking his foot away and crossing his arms. His little lips pouted and Sirius rolled his eyes.

“Go to your own room, Reggie. I have reading to do.”

“Tell me about the prank!”

“No! Why do you care so much?”

“Because it's the last summer before you go to Hogwarts and we haven’t hung out at all .” Regulus sulked “I thought you said we were going to have a big awesome summer before you had to go and be a serious Sirius. That's what you said. Except now all you do is study!”

Sirius glanced over at his little brother and saw that his nose was starting to turn red and his eyes were filling with tears. It occurred to him suddenly that he had spent the two months since meeting Remus completely focused on his mission. He had barely hung out with Reg, that was true. Sirius knew how isolating this house could be. Before Remus he hadn’t had a friend. He had only ever had Regulus. Regulus only had him.

“Oh Reg.” Sirius let his shoulders sag “You’re right, huh? Haven’t been a very good big brother.”

“No. You haven’t.”

“I’ll be better. Promise. Just have to do this reading that mother assigned me. Okay? Then we can hang out.”

Regulus looked at him suspiciously but eventually nodded. “We’ll play chess? Or exploding snap?”

Sirius grinned and reached over to tickle his brother’s sides, Reg let out his familiar snorting laughter that only a mother could find cute. Well, if the mother wasn’t Walburga Black.

“Yes you menace, I’ll play chess with you. We really need to find you better games, Reg.”

Regulus kicked out at his brother again, this time to get Sirius to stop tickling. When that didn’t work he attacked his brother right back and soon enough they were both laughing and wrestling. It ended up with Reg in a headlock and Sirius ruffling his hair aggressively as the younger Black tried to escape. Eventually Sirius let him go and they both flopped beside each other; breathless and grinning.

“Hey, Sirius?”

“Yeah, Reg?”

“I don’t want you to go to Hogwarts.” Regulus admitted quietly. The younger of the two brothers was not looking forward to returning to his own school year which consisted of a stuffy private tutor coming to 12 Grimmauld place and droning on for hours and hours. Normally the boys had had their classes together and they could pass little notes, make faces behind the tutor’s back, and generally goof off together. Regulus was not eager to spend those long school days alone without Sirius grinning over at him before launching a spitwad at the back of the tutor’s head.

Sirius rolled onto his side and smiled at his little brother. “Reg it's just one year. One year and then you’ll come to Hogwarts as well. We’ll be in Slytherin together and I’ll show you everything I’ve learned about the castle. The Black brothers will rule the school, right?”

Regulus bit his lip and nodded. “You promise ?”

Sirius laughed “Regulus I don’t need to promise. We both know we’ll end up in the same house.”

“Not that .” Reg said in frustration “I mean you promise you won’t go off and make friends and then never want to talk to me when I get there. Promise we’ll stick together?”

Sirius looked at his brother gravely now and nodded solemnly. “Promise, Reg. It's you and me against the world. Like always.”

The smile that spread across Regulus’ little face was bright and trusting. After all, his big brother had never let him down on anything big. He could excuse missed games of chess because he knew Sirius would be there in the end. He rolled off the bed and hopped up. “Okay. Let me know when you’re done with all your reading. I’m going to get the chess board set up.” He said eagerly before leaving Sirius alone.

Sirius sighed up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to go to Hogwarts either, Reg.” He whispered to nobody at all.

His stomach twisted with guilt. It was becoming obvious to him that breaking a werewolf out of a magical menagerie was not an easy task. He wasn’t a great wizard who could flick his wand and save his friend. He could barely even use his wand. He would need to leave Remus behind. 

But he was going off to attend one of the premier wizarding schools. Hogwarts had a massive library and tons of talented witches and wizards. Sirius would read like crazy and then come back on Christmas break and do something. He would figure it out.

For now he dragged himself over to his desk and stared hatefully at the potions book. He wanted to go to bed after staying up all night, but he also knew all his plans required him to be the exact sort of elder son his mother wanted. He couldn’t afford to draw attention to himself.

*  *  *

Remus had recovered quicker than ever from the Full Moon with the help of Sirius’ potion. A week after the horrible night he was back to pacing back and forth in his cage. He was standing on his own two legs, something The Owner hated, but he just felt the need to move. The potion had also seemed to supercharge him with stamina and restless energy. He didn’t mind the feeling though. Somehow he felt like during this summer he had woken up properly for the very first time in his life. He was still trapped and scared and hurt, but he wasn’t alone. 

Even the Sickles tossed at him didn’t seem to diminish his good mood. What was a bit of nausea and a tickly nose? It didn’t seem to matter at all right now. 

His lips kept twitching and he knew it meant he wanted to smile. Smile! How odd to feel light enough to want to smile. But Sirius hadn’t run. Remus had tried to attack him and Sirius had stayed. To the young werewolf it made all the difference in the world. He properly began to believe that Sirius was going to get him out of here one day.

He hadn’t seen Sirius all week but he was being patient. He suspected his friend had a vast and complex life outside of visiting Remus. Remus wanted to know what Sirius was doing right now. Perhaps reading a book or shopping in Diagon Alley or even walking around London.

“I’ve never been out of this cage, I don’t think.” Remus had admitted to Sirius on one of his friend’s nightly visits. 

“Not ever?” Sirius had looked shocked and worried about this. “But what about before the cage? There had to be something, Remus. You can read! You don’t just get born knowing how to read.”

Remus had shrugged and leaned against the bars in a relaxed manner. He and Sirius had been almost shoulder to shoulder like that. His friend was sitting on a stack of crates near Remus' cage.

“Well if there was something before all this, I don’t remember it.”

“Oh.” Sirius had looked down and Remus knew that his friend didn’t know what to say. Remus felt bad. He was used to not having anything but the cage, Sirius wasn’t.

“What about your life?” Remus asked. “You have a brother. What else?”

“Yeah. Regulus. He’s alright for being only ten.”

“You’re only eleven!”

“Well that's more than a decade of life, Remus.” Sirius had said with a cocky little smile

“Decade?” Remus hadn’t known what that word meant.

“A decade is a measure of time. Ten years in length.”

“Hmmm. Seems pointless.”

“Well you have to measure time somehow, right, or at least all the adults seem to think so.”

“I measure time by the Full Moons.” Remus admitted quietly. “I know that I’m around eleven because of counting full moons.”

“You don’t know your birthday?” Sirius asked, all innocent and naïve.

“How would I know my birthday, Sirius?” Remus said, letting out a small laugh. Laughing was getting easier now that he had Sirius in his life. Sometimes the boy said such wild things.

“Suppose it doesn’t make sense that you would.” Sirius mumbled, rubbing the back of his head sheepishly. “Mine is November 3rd.”

“Ahhh then you’ll be twelve. Poor Regulus won’t stand a chance against you and your wisdom of time.”

“Oi! Are you teasing me?!” Sirius said, puffing up all proud.

Remus dissolved into fond laughter.

Sirius’ view on the world was so utterly different to Remus’ own that it felt like breathing for the first time. Everything that came out of Sirius' mouth was new and interesting and oftentimes absurd. Remus found that he craved when Sirius would say a word that Remus didn’t understand. It meant a chance to learn not only more vocabulary, but also a little bit more about the other boy.

Through Sirius, Remus learned all sorts of things. He learned that Sirius came from a rich Pureblood family. Having pureblood supposedly meant that Sirius was better at magic than other people with less pure bloodlines. He learned that Sirius didn’t really get this concept but that he knew he wasn’t ever allowed out into the Muggle world because of it.

Remus learned that Muggles were people without any magic at all. Remus hadn’t even known that such a thing had a name.

“I think I must be a muggle!” Remus had announced with an awed expression when Sirius had explained the concept to him. “I can’t do a bit of magic. I know. I’ve tried.”

Sirius looked uncomfortable at this. They had just been talking about how his mother, Walburga, didn’t allow Sirius to talk to or about Muggles ever. Apparently Walburga thought that anyone outside of a pure blood line was not worth wasting time on.

“I don’t think you’re a Muggle, Remus.” Sirius said quietly. “I think that there are Charms or something on your cage that prevent you from doing magic. I’ve read a bunch about Werewolves now. Most Muggles that get bitten by Werewolves don’t survive. You must have been bitten when you were really little and you still managed to survive. I’m guessing you do have magic, but it's just been shut away from you.”

That had shut Remus up for hours.

Remus tried not to think about that particular lesson too often. Knowing that he might have magic was maddening. When Sirius had left that night he had stuck his arms and legs out as far as they could go through the bars. Maybe if less of him was in the cage then he could feel the magic. It hadn’t worked and all he had earned was a nasty drunk witch grabbing at his foot and yanking him about to have a laugh.

Remus didn’t try any magic again after that. He just put it aside to the back of his mind. He didn’t cut magic out of his life entirely though, he just made Sirius the source of his magic.

“Show me again.” Remus said. 

Sirius was standing beside his cage holding his wand. Remus eagerly leaned forward as Sirius raised the wand and gave it a little flick with his perfect hand.

“Lumos!” His friend intoned and the tip of the wand glowed. 

Remus’ eyes shone with delight and he pressed his face right up against the bars. He’d never gotten to see such a close up display of magic. Normally the magic he saw was not intended for his joy or his interest. Sometimes the patrons of the Menagerie would use hexes on him, awful things that Remus despised. Sometimes The Owner would use magic to clean up Remus’ cage or the other enclosures in the Menagerie. The most interesting bit of magic he’d ever gotten to see was a wizard shooting a bit of fire from his wand to light the streetlamps.

The charm that Sirius was using was supposedly mundane and simple, but Remus was amazed by his friend. He saw the light falter and fade and sighed. He didn’t want to point it out again, but he still knew it was true: Sirius’ wand wasn’t right. Remus didn’t know how he knew this but in his gut the long blackthorn wand didn’t suit his friend. It was making the magic harder for him. Remus knew, somehow, that magic was supposed to be easy and that Sirius’ wand should have lended to the fluid motion of his friend’s hands. This wand was too stiff, too long, and too stuffy. But what did Remus know? It was only a silly gut feeling. Last time he had said something Sirius had been so defensive and hurt.

“I think that's amazing, Sirius.” Remus said instead.

Sirius ran a hand through his hair and gave a little smirk. “Just you wait until I go to Hogwarts. Then I’ll learn all sorts of things.”

Remus stopped pacing in his cage and stared dead ahead as that reminder washed over him. Hogwarts. Sirius was leaving him to go to school. His hands clenched into fists at his side and he stared down at his own dirty feet. Sirius was going to be leaving in a month. He was going to get on a train, he said, and arrive at Hogwarts. 

Remus had learned that Hogwarts was a massive castle out in Scotland. It had seven whole floors, which seemed like far too much to Remus, as well as expansive grounds. Hogwarts was divided into four houses and all Remus knew about that was that apparently Slytherin was the best house and Gryffindor was the worst. Sirius said he was destined for Slytherin because all Black family members were in Slytherin. Remus couldn’t help but feel a swell of pride for his friend that he would belong to such a prestigious house.

He also knew that Sirius was going to be taking a bunch of classes that seemed so wild and amazing to Remus. Charms, Potions, Divination, Defense Against the Dark Arts...It all sounded so fantastical to Remus’ mind. He wished to sit in those classes and learn. The textbooks alone would be enough for Remus!

Sirius had said that the reason he had even met Remus was because he had been school supply shopping for Hogwarts textbooks and his mother had stopped at the apothecary shop that Remus could occasionally catch a glimpse of from his cage.

“Yeah I’d been to Diagon Alley a few times but mother had never taken me into Knockturn Alley before.” Sirius had said. 

It had been a really hot night in July and Sirius had part of his shirt undone. Remus had been a bit fascinated by his friend’s pale and utterly unblemished skin. He had felt self conscious of his own scarred and dirty torso.

“Diagon Alley? Knockturn?” Remus questioned calmly. 

“Oh right, yeah. Okay so Knockturn Alley is where we are. Well, really it's that main street up there.” Sirius pointed towards the Apothecary “But the Menagerie is part of Knockturn. All the shops around here are creepy. But Diagon Alley is completely different! That's where I got my school supplies and stuff. But there are other shops there too! Like a joke store, and a place that sells Quidditch supplies, and even an entire Sweets Shop.”

Remus’ eyes grew wide. He had no idea what Quidditch was but he decided to focus on the other bit of information that Sirius had just delivered. 

“Sweets Shop? So they sell chocolate?”

“Not just chocolate, Remus! All sorts of sweets! It's amazing. Mother really never takes us there but when I was younger and we were out with the nanny then sometimes she would let us pop in. They have everything. Pumpkin Pasties, Chocolate Frogs, Frizzle Twizzlers. All sorts of stuff.”

“I want to go there.”

Sirius had turned that bright wonderful grin on him, his eyes crinkling up. “We will.”

Remus had never really thought about the world outside of his cage. It proved to be too difficult of a thought. He had always been in the cage and for the longest time he had assumed he would die in the cage. After all, the only thing he really had to read for years was the sign declaring that he would be ‘harvested’ for his fangs and pelt once he came of age. Remus had no idea what age he was ready for reaping at. 

So there had been really no point in fantasizing about what was outside of the Menagerie. The only time he allowed himself to do so was when a bit of paper would blow in and he could read a snippet of the outside world.

Knowing Sirius meant that Remus wanted to finally know the world. He dared to dream about one day stepping foot into Diagon Alley and seeing everything at offer there. Perhaps he could go to Hogwarts or see Muggle London. What a dream that would be!

Having a dream was both wonderful and heart wrenching. On one hand it gave him a reason to look forward to his life. On the other hand he finally had something to lose beyond his life. He now wanted to live a good long life, to see the world, and to do it all with Sirius at his side.

“Remus!”

Remus swung his head around with a smile to see Sirius bouncing up to the edge of the cage and gripping the bars. Remus instantly went over and sat down near to him.

“Wow, you came in the day.” Remus said with a smile.

“Yeah. Mother is visiting the Apothecary. I convinced her to let me come along. She’s probably going to be in there for ages and it means I’ll have a stupid lecture on plants and potion ingredients tonight.”

Remus glanced briefly towards the Apothecary before turning his attention back to Sirius. “Is that why you’re dressed like that?” He asked. Sirius was in all black today, which wasn’t that odd, but for once his clothes were neat and done up all the way to his chin. His hair was once again plastered smooth to his head, his ears sticking out all big and silly. Remus noticed Sirius’ ears going red.

“It's not that bad, is it?” Sirius said, holding his arms out to his side and letting out a sigh. “I did try to tell mother that velvet in summer was too much but she’s wearing a full velvet dress so I didn’t get out of it.” He scratched at the collar butting up against his chin. “I’m trying to be good, though, so she doesn’t notice anything about the mission.”

The Mission. That's what Sirius liked to call the operation of getting Remus out of the cage. Remus wasn’t about to tell his friend that calling it a mission made it sound like a game, when to Remus it was his whole life.

“You look sweaty and rich.” Remus said with a shrug.

Sirius groaned and rested his forehead against the bars of the cage. “Yeah, that's what I was afraid of.”

Remus snickered and reached out a hand to mess up Sirius’ hair. “Bet you’ll look even more like a sweaty rich boy when you come visit me at Christmas.”

Sirius scrunched his nose up. “I don’t want to think about that.”

“Thought you were excited to go to Hogwarts.”

“I am. It's just I wish you were coming with me, Remus.”

A happy warmth bloomed in Remus’ chest and he nodded at his friend. He tilted his head to the side and shot him a wink. “Best to give you a head start. The second I’m out of this cage I’m going to be the most amazing wizard this world has ever seen.”

“Ah yeah? Think you can contest with the heir to the noble family of Black?”

“Sure. No problem. I don’t even know how that shit is supposed to be relevant.”

Sirius laughed at that and Remus grinned back. This was nice. Easy. It was good to get a chance to learn how to be a friend. So far it was Remus’ favorite lesson of all.

Chapter Text

Sirius could feel the end of summer closing in on him with familiar childlike dread. When his tutoring sessions had ended in June he had been so eager to enjoy the summer and then look forward to school in September. But the thrill of attending Hogwarts in a few weeks was diminished by the groaning end to a summer spent doing whatever he wanted. A summer spent seeing Remus.

Sirius was playing a dangerous game at this point. He was sneaking out almost every night to go and visit Remus, and spending his days practicing potions and reading and spending as much time with Reg as he could manage. He was exhausted but in his mind it was worth it. He only had so much time before school began. 

Sirius yawned and propped his chin in his hands, staring blearily at the chess board in front of him.

“Your turn?” He mumbled sleepily to Regulus.

“Sirius, you never moved a piece.” His little brother said, sounding far too chipper and awake.

Sirius mumbled something incoherent and shifted a piece, closing his eyes for just a moment.

“Check mate.” 

Sirius opened one eye and looked at the board and then up at a very smug Regulus. Sirius just gave his brother a sleepy thumbs up before crossing his arms and resting his forehead on them. Moment’s later he felt Regulus poking at his head repeatedly.

“He’s dead.” Regulus said solemnly. “It seems that I am now heir to the Black family fortune.”

Sirius snorted and swatted his brother’s hand away. “Shove off, Reg. Let me nap.”

Sirius yelped as he felt a sharp kick to his shin. He sat up with a glare at his little brother. Regulus shrugged and crossed his arms. “Mother is going to be home soon.”

Sirius rolled his eyes and slumped down in his chair again. He knew what Regulus was doing, making sure he didn’t get yelled at, but Sirius just wanted a five minute nap. He bent over slightly to rub at his shin. Moments later he heard the door open and he turned his head to see the foyer through the living room door. Mother was indeed home. Regulus had been right. She was standing beneath the trophies of past house elves hanging on the walls and tugging off her usual black gloves. Sirius saw the familiar burn marks on his mother’s hands and thought of Remus and his scars. It seemed like everything reminded him of Remus these days.

Walburga Black looked into the living room towards her two sons and strode over, completely businesslike.

“Who won?” She asked, gesturing to the finished chess game.

“I did.” Regulus said proudly, giving a soft polite smile as mother simply nodded.

Walburga then stepped over to an armchair and sat down. Sirius was used to this as well. When mother was home she seemed to always be around. It was stifling to both brothers. Sirius felt the hairs on the back of his neck standing up and he pulled a face at Reg. His little brother covered his mouth to hide his smile. 

“Several Muggles were killed in London today.” Walburga said blithely as she pulled out a book and opened it. She said it calmly as if discussing the weather. It was odd to even hear mother talk about Muggles at all.

Sirius gave Regulus a look and his brother shrugged his shoulders and arched an eyebrow. Sirius glanced towards mother.

Walburga flipped her page. “Killed by a witch or wizard, it seems.”

Sirius’s eyes widened slightly at this. “Oh. That's horrible.” He said out of instinct.

He flinched when Walburga lifted her cold gaze to his own. “Is it? They were just Muggles .”

Sirius wilted under her gaze, looking away for a moment. He frowned. He’d never felt so annoyed by something his mother had said before. Maybe sometimes he didn’t understand it but this time he really didn’t like it. Lately he and Remus had been wondering about the Muggle world a lot together. Sirius fiddled with a chess piece before gaining the courage to speak.

“Muggles couldn’t have defended themselves against someone using magic though, could they? It seems wrong to kill someone that is entirely defenseless. It's low and cowardly.”

Walburga shut her book calmly and leveled a piercing look at her eldest son. “And why do you believe that a Muggle even has a right to defend itself against a wizard in the first place?”

Sirius balked, flicking his eyes over to Regulus. His little brother was sitting with his hands folded in his lap staring down at them, and Sirius knew he wouldn’t come to his rescue. Regulus gave warnings but he rarely gave back up.

“Well, they are people, mother.” Sirius said, leaning forward earnestly. “People with normal lives. Like you and me!”

Walburga stood then. “They are not like you and I, Sirius!” She said, her voice rising in volume. She turned her attention to her younger son. “Regulus go to your room.” She said.

Regulus shot Sirius a worried look before getting up and scurrying quickly from the room. Sirius heard his hurried footsteps and then the closure of a door upstairs. Sirius stood and crossed his arms. Why should he get in trouble just for expressing a simple view? It wasn’t like he had said that Muggles were better than purebloods or anything. He had just claimed they shouldn’t be murdered defenselessly! 

Walburga had her hands crossed and resting on her forearms. Her scarred fingers drummed against her long sleeved dress as she calmly appraised her son. Sirius stared back. He was tired and exhausted and feeling like he was at the end of his rope.

“Muggles aren’t even in our world.” Sirius said, speaking in a quick ramble to try and convey his point. “So I just think that we should let them live their lives how they want. I mean sometimes they might even do things better than us and we could learn from them, right? Because they’ve managed to survive all this time without magic which means that they have a different skill set from us. If we worked with them we would be so much smarter. Right? And-”

“Silencio!”  

Walburga’s magic was quick and Sirius felt the inability to speak wash over him. He could move his mouth but no words could come out. He hated this. He hated it. He raised a hand to his throat and gripped at it.

Sirius was a willful lad who deeply relied on his ability to speak. Having that stolen from him always made him feel weak and terrified. He didn’t know how to communicate without his voice. He remembered long nights at the family dinner table when he was younger when he had to go through the entire meal under the effects of mother’s silencing spell. That was the year that mother had found his voice ‘grating’ as she put it. Sirius hadn’t been able to help that his voice sounded that way. Children must be seen and not heard, Walburga had intoned each time she had cast the charm. 

It had been a few years since Sirius had Silencio used on him, but the terror it brought was still so familiar. He felt like he was eight years old again; an excited chatterbox with a squeaky voice. After that year he had learned to speak in a more measured tone that mother found appealing. He had learned to quickly apologize when he had stepped out of line. He only ever talked using slang when it was just him and Regulus. Sirius had certainly never dared to talk back to his mother like this before.

Sirius felt the rising panic swelling up in him. He couldn’t speak. He couldn’t. Then the panic fuzzed out his brain entirely and he entered a steady state of numb acceptance. This was how his mind had coped with this at the dinner table. It just blanked out in a mild sort of fog. Sirius Black was unable to speak, but that was fine. He wasn’t Sirius Black anyways. He was no one and nothing and Silencio was happening to another person entirely.

Walburga looked at her son and gave a pleased little nod. “Much better, Sirius. Now you will go to your room and remain there. Unfortunately you will not be allowed dinner tonight. You should have behaved better. Honestly, Sirius, do you plan to talk back to your teachers at Hogwarts in this manner? You will suffer far worse if you do not learn to get in line. Am I clear?”

Sirius gave a small little nod before his mother allowed him to leave the room. He walked slowly up the stairs to his bedroom and collapsed onto his bed. He opened his mouth again, but the sounds still wouldn’t come. He returned both his hands to his throat, holding it lightly, and stared across the room at the fireplace. He wouldn’t be able to visit Remus tonight.

*  *  *

Remus had gotten used to seeing Sirius almost every night in August. After the first week of the month not seeing his friend at all Sirius had returned with a fervor. They spent the nights talking about everything and Sirius brought book after book. Since the fateful shredding of Tales of Beedle the Bard Remus had requested that Sirius just let him borrow books for short spans of time. He found that most of the books Sirius lent him were far more difficult for him than the Bard Tales had been. Sometimes he would skip entire pages and just try and find bits with words that were more understandable to him. 

Tonight he had stayed up reading the book given to him by Sirius last night. It was one of Regulus’ books, Sirius had explained, and that he couldn’t lend it to him that long. This book was easier, with more pictures and simple vocabulary. It was all about various magical creatures which Remus quite liked. He loved seeing the other creatures in the Menagerie even if they seemed to hate his presence.

He kept glancing up from his reading, expecting to see Sirius bounding through the Menagerie with his chaotic grin on his face. Instead the night passed very quietly, with almost no one entering the Menagerie at all. As dawn crept up the silent streets and landed on Remus he realized that Sirius wasn’t coming today. He felt a deep sadness well up and he closed his book and rested his forehead against the cover.

He knew he couldn’t expect Sirius to keep coming every single day. His friend had admitted that he studied during the day and visited Remus at night, leaving barely any time for sleep. It wasn’t good for Sirius to do that and Remus should want his friend to care for himself and rest. Remus felt selfish for missing him, but goodness he missed him. This was going to be his life for quite some time though. Once Sirius went to Hogwarts in a few days then Remus wouldn’t get to see him again until his Christmas break. Remus was going to have to face four Full Moons all alone without Sirius. Remus wished his friend had never shown him that chart.

Sirius had brought the astronomy chart a few days ago, showing Remus the next few cycles of Full Moons, right up to the end of 1971. Remus had always known when a Moon was coming just from watching it wax bigger each night and the way his body felt. Knowing that he would be facing four on his own was a hard fact. Knowing that 1971 ended with a Full Moon into 1972 was horrible. Sirius had also mentioned that he hated that his own birthday fell on a day right after a Full Moon. Remus had quietly watched his friend explaining the chart before he had snapped at him to put it away.

That had made the rest of the night stuffy and uncomfortable and now Sirius wasn’t here. He hugged the book to his chest and just reminded himself that Sirius had said he couldn’t keep Regulus’ book long. That meant Sirius would at least be back to get the book.

Except Remus didn’t see Sirius for the next three nights. He spent his nights pacing or curled up on his side, waiting. Each subsequent night that passed made Remus more nervous and irritable. It was now only five days until Sirius left for Hogwarts and Remus was terrified that he wasn’t going to get to say goodbye to his friend. 

So when he finally saw a small figure approaching his cage he was at the bars right away.

“Sirius?” He asked worriedly.

He watched his friend tug down his hood and give him a smile. It wasn’t Sirius’ normal wild grin. It was a subdued and sad thing. Sirius looked horrible. His face seemed even more pale than normal and the bags beneath his eyes stood out in stark contrast. His hair was messy and Remus realized it must still have some of the smoothing gel in it that hadn’t ever been washed out.

“Heya Moony.” Sirius said quietly and Remus felt his chest hurt.

Sirius and he had been looking at the astronomy chart and Remus had told the other boy to put it away. Told? No. He had snarled the command at him. Sirius had looked hurt and Remus had instantly felt bad.

“I know what you’re trying to do, Sirius.” Remus had said, scratching in frustration at the scar on his cheek. “But maybe I don’t want to know when the Moons are coming. It's not exactly a fun time for me.”

Sirius seemed to take this into consideration as he folded up the chart. “I didn’t think about it like that. I’m sorry. I was just thinking about how you said you measured time by Moons. I thought if you knew how many Moons were coming up, then you would know when I was coming back to get you.”

Remus’ anger had softened at that and he moved close to the bars, reaching out to snag Sirius' wrist gently. “See now, that's a much nicer thought.” He said fondly.

Sirius had still looked at him awkwardly and Remus knew that he wasn’t fully going to dispel Sirius' guilt tonight, or his own discomfort at knowing. Remus knew his friend was well intentioned, he just missed the mark sometimes. Remus suspected that had something to do with Sirius being raised to believe that Purebloods couldn’t make mistakes. Remus suspected he was one of the first people to call Sirius out on anything.

“Pureblooded nonsense.” He said fondly, squeezing Sirius’ wrist before letting go. 

Sirius’ ears turned red. 

“Well, Moony, what can I say?” Sirius shrugged “I’m working with someone that doesn’t measure time normally.”

“Moony?” Remus asked, tilting his head curiously.

“Oh.” Sirius’ ears turned even more red. “Well I was thinking that...We needed a nickname for you.”

“Nickname…”

“Yes. A Nickname is something to call someone close to you without using their real name. It's something friends do. I thought that since you don’t like me saying Remus near others that I needed something to call you. And I was getting the chart ready at the time and thinking about your time measurement thing and-”

“I like it.”

“You do?” Sirius' smile was still tentative, but getting better.

“I do.”

Remus had never had a nickname before and it made him feel even closer to his friend. But hearing it now, coming from Sirius’ lips when his friend looked so tired and worn, it almost hurt. Remus wanted to hug him tightly. Sirius seemed to know that Remus was worried because he looked down and shoved his hand through his hair.

“I know I look exhausted, huh?” He said. Remus thought his voice sounded a bit funny today. Sirius was talking all quiet and annunciating his words more clearly than he normally did. 

“What's wrong?” Remus asked bluntly.

Sirius flinched and shook his head. “Nothing, Remus. I just haven’t been sleeping is all. I’m trying to pack for Hogwarts and mother wants me finishing up the rest of my reading and Regulus is following me around everywhere. It's been a lot to manage at home.”

Remus frowned even more, knowing that Sirius wasn’t telling him everything. He watched as his friend hopped up on the stack of crates and leaned heavily against the bars.

“You shouldn’t have come.” Remus said. “You should have stayed home to sleep, Sirius.”

“We only have five days left, Moony. I wanted to see you.”

“Insane idiot.” Remus said, sitting down right beside Sirius on the other side of the bars. He twisted slightly, enough to get his bony shoulder to stick out through the bars. “Sleep.” He commanded sternly at Sirius.

Sirius gave him a dopey grin before resting his messy head on Remus’ shoulder. “G’night, Moons.” He mumbled.

“Goodnight, Sirius.” Remus responded quietly.

Within moments Sirius was asleep on Remus’ shoulder and Remus was left to wonder why Sirius had felt he had needed to come all the way here to be able to sleep. Remus cracked his book open to read, determined to get through the rest of it before he had to wake Sirius up and send him home. 

Remus let Sirius sleep for a few hours, the other boy drooling on his shoulder, before he finally nudged him awake. Sirius yawned and rubbed at his eyes but the smile he gave Remus was far more genuine than the one given earlier in the night.

“You drool when you sleep.” Remus informed his friend.

Sirius stuck his tongue out and hopped off the crates to stretch his arms above his head with a groan. Eventually his grey eyes landed back on Remus.

“Oh. Reg’s book. I forgot you had that.”

Remus looked down at the book and then passed it through the bars. “I liked this one. I almost finished it. I guess you should take it with you though since you’ll be leaving soon.”

Sirius reached out for the book and tucked it under his arm. “We’ve got five days, Remus. I’ll be here every night. I promise.”

Remus smiled and nodded. “I know, Sirius.”

*  *  *

The days passed too quickly for Sirius and soon enough it was the final day before he would need to say his goodbyes to Remus. He had kept his promise to visit the other boy every night and it had been a great deal of fun. Remus had asked more about what classes he was going to be taking and Sirius explained in as much detail as he could manage. Remus had also asked more about Slytherin and Sirius had talked about everything he knew about the house. Remus had thought it utterly absurd that anyone would house a bunch of students in a dingy dungeon. He claimed that at least his cage got fresh air.

Sirius also had taken parchment with him the last time he had gone and told Remus to ask a bunch of questions and he would get the answers to them in his time at Hogwarts. Remus’ questions had been almost endless and Sirius had fun watching his friend pace about his cage, ranting about the many mysteries of the world. He was going to miss this.

On the morning of August 31st he plodded from his bed to the bathroom. After his morning routine he stared at himself in the mirror. Tomorrow morning he would board a train and go to Hogwarts. After that he would be sorted into Slytherin and the rest of his life would properly begin. He would step into his role as the Black family heir and he would make his parents proud of him.

He reached up to tug at the hair behind his ear. He had already decided that the second he got to school he was going to start growing his hair out longer. His ears blushed too much and he needed to hide that. Besides he hated that mother always insisted on keeping his hair short and tame. It was just such a bother!

He heard a knocking on the door before Regulus burst in unannounced “Last day of summer!” his little brother said with big eyes and a goofy grin.

“Last day of your life if you don’t leave me be!” Sirius said, but he was laughing as he chased his brother out, whacking at him with his wet towel.

Regulus let out a wild yell, pounding down the stairs with Sirius in hot pursuit. For the next few moments the stuffy House of Black was filled with the wild yelling and laughter of two brothers. Like most things between Regulus and Sirius it ended up with them wrestling on the carpet. This time Regulus managed to sit on Sirius’ chest and he looked down at him smugly. “I grew two inches this summer.” He declared, as if somehow that had made him more powerful.

Sirius decided to let Regulus win and he flopped his arms out to the side and pretended to swoon. “He’s done it! I have been utterly defeated! However shall I go on with such shame of defeat on my shoulders?”

“Oh hush. Regulus Black is very magnanimous.” Reg said, stifling his laughter. “I shall allow you to live.”

Sirius sat up, shoving his brother off of him. “Magnanimous, huh? Look at you and your big words there, Reg.”

Regulus pulled a face “Mother has been having me expand my vocabulary. It's been dull.”

“Wearisome. Tedious. Monotonous. Dry as dust.” Sirius responded with a solemn nod.

Regulus let out a snorting laugh at that before standing up. Sirius joined him and both boys headed to find breakfast. Kreacher had things set out for them and they both sat down to eat. Sirius began wolfing things down right away whereas Regulus took the time to smile at the twitchy house elf.

“Thank you Kreacher.” He said simply

The house elf gave a bow back and mumbled something about being pleased to serve the young master before excusing himself.

Sirius paused in his eating to watch Kreacher leave. “How come you thanked him?”

Regulus started to eat more delicately and composed than Sirius did. “He makes us breakfast every day, Sirius. Just seems nice to thank him.”

“But he’s a house elf. It's just his job.”

Regulus lifted an eyebrow. Sirius hated when he did that, it made him look just like mother. “Kreacher has been nice to me this summer.” He said, pushing his oatmeal about. “He’s been playing chess with me while you’ve been studying.”

Sirius nodded, feeling guilty once more that he hadn’t gotten to spend as much time with Regulus as he should have. “Well that's alright then.”

“Yeah.” Regulus said simply before they both tucked into their breakfasts.

Sirius had promised to spend the entire day with Regulus today. Mother was out and Sirius hadn’t seen their father for several days but he never really knew what father was up to. Sirius had packed in a rush after visiting Remus last night so that he could focus on Reg. Tonight he would visit Remus one last time and then tomorrow morning he would board the Hogwarts Express. As they finished breakfast they both went to dress for the day and then met back down in the living room.

“Okay, Reg.” Sirius said with an easy smile “Last day of summer, what are we thinking?”

Regulus seemed to contemplate this but it didn’t take that long to decide. “Diagon Alley.”

Sirius looked at his brother in surprise at this. It wasn’t like Regulus to want to break the rules and they definitely weren’t allowed to travel there on their own. Sirius had expected that Regulus would want to walk down to the park near their home, the only Muggle place that their parents ever allowed them to go. Otherwise their world consisted of the house and the back garden.

“You are always traveling by Floo, right?” Reg asked “I want to go to Fortescue’s and get ice cream.”

Sirius debated for a few moments but eventually he nodded. He had cut Regulus out of so much this summer and taking him on a Floo joyride to Diagon Alley would be fun. Sirius grinned and started back up the stairs. He could hear Reg’s delighted gasp come from behind him, almost like his brother had expected him to say no.

Sirius got the Floo powder ready and then took Regulus’ hand. Funny that it had only been a few months ago that they had done this with their mother. “Diagon Alley.” Sirius said clearly and then they were whizzing away. They stepped out into the bright sunshine of a busy day at Diagon Alley. Sirius squeezed Regulus’ hand and they both grinned at one another. There was something undeniably thrilling about doing something you weren’t supposed to do, Sirius thought as they headed through the busy streets.

They did go to Florean Fortescue’s first off. Sirius had brought a pouch of money with him and both boys treated themselves to three different flavors. The cones were massive and they both stood outside the shop licking at them for quite some time before they were able to move without risk of an ice cream disaster.

Then they wandered around licking their cones and watching the busy wizards and witches around them. None of the adults seemed to be wise enough to get their own massive Fortescue cone. When they finished their ice cream they went into the Quidditch store next. They didn’t last long before they were chased out due to their sticky hands getting on brooms. They fell against each other laughing as the shop owner yelled at them.

“Can’t have a broom yet at Hogwarts anyways.” Sirius said as he washed his hands off in a fountain. Regulus was beside him doing the same.

“When I go to Hogwarts I’m going to play for Slytherin.” Regulus announced boldly. “I think I’d like to be the Seeker. I’m very fast.”

Sirius laughed and nudged his brother’s shoulder “You’re small is what you are. Makes you aerodynamic. I think I’ll go for Beater then. Have your back.”

Regulus gave a small smile at this before flicking water over at his brother.

“Oi!” Sirius said, leaping back  “That was heartfelt, you little brat!”

Regulus snorted and laughed. “Let’s go to the joke shop next?”

Sirius rolled his eyes and slung an arm around his brother’s shoulder before they headed off. The joke shop was a wonderland for two brothers who had always been told to behave. Sirius felt like he could develop an addiction to pranks given half the chance. It was amazing to see all the different available jokes and they both spent far too much allowance money filling their pockets with dung bombs, prank coins, and smoke screens.

“I think these will be very important to my studies at Hogwarts.” Sirius said later once they were sitting down outside. He was reading the outside of the Dung Bomb box.

“What are you going to do with those?” Regulus asked. They had stopped by the candy shop and Regulus was currently chowing down on an entire fist of bright purple licorice twists.

“I’m thinking I could probably get them set off in the Gryffindor common room.” Sirius said a bit distractedly as he continued to read.

“That would be pretty sweet! You’ll need to write to me and tell me if it works, Sirius!”

Sirius lifted his head and smiled over at his brother. “Yeah of course, Reg. I’ll write to you and tell you about all my pranks against Gryffindor.”

Regulus grinned, his teeth all stained purple. Sirius burst into laughter.

It was a very good last day of summer. They mucked about in Diagon Alley for the entire day, running about and causing distress for all the adults around them. Two loud boys just delighting in their final day of freedom. At one point they ended up panting right outside of Knockturn Alley after a wild race through the streets. Sirius had gotten so used to going into Knockturn that he wasn’t a bit nervous about it anymore. Regulus, on the other hand, took a few steps back when he realized where they were.

“Can we go somewhere else, Sirius?” He asked, looking in trepidation down the street.

“Huh?” Sirius looked down Knockturn and then back towards Regulus. “What, it's not so bad there, Reg. We could go to the Menagerie again if you wanted. I bet they have new animals this time around.”

Sirius knew for a fact they had new animals. The poor old Fire Crab was gone, replaced by a funny looking catlike creature. The sign still read Fire Crab so Sirius had no idea what it was supposed to be. Regulus seemed to be torn between wanting to avoid the scary street and wanting to see more magical creatures. However he, like many younger siblings, wanted to act impressive and capable in front of his big brother. Regulus nodded, stepping forward to grab onto Sirius’ hand. “As long as we go there quickly.” He said, trying to be brave.

Sirius grinned at this, hoisting his satchel full of purchases over his shoulder. “Quickly huh? Alright then.” He said before breaking into a run down Knockturn.

Regulus followed with a surprise gasp. The two Black brothers took Knockturn Alley by storm, running down the streets past dark witches and wizards who scowled at their passing. The boys didn’t yet have an understanding of the dangers that lurked in Knockturn. They were invincible today, as all young lads are the day before academic imprisonment. 

The Menagerie was so normal to Sirius by now that he wandered in easily. Regulus followed a bit more timid but soon was flitting to each and every enclosure. Sirius really just wanted to walk to the back and see Remus but instead he stayed with his brother and let him chatter about the new creatures. The funny cat like thing was apparently a Kneazle and Regulus seemed thrilled by it.

The Kneazle was in the enclosure closest to Remus and when Sirius looked up he could see his friend staring at him. Remus’ face was as blank and expressionless as the first time Sirius had ever come here. Sirius had gotten used to seeing the other boy’s smile, missing tooth and all, and it was disconcerting that Remus didn’t seem pleased to see him. Regulus wanted to stay by the Kneazle for ages and it was starting to drive Sirius mad. Eventually though his brother wandered over to the werewolf’s cage.

“It's still boring.” He remarked to Sirius, staring at Remus with a bored expression. “I wonder when the next Full Moon is? That would be something to see.”

“September 5th.” Sirius said quietly. Remus was staring at him thoughtfully and Sirius couldn’t look away.

“How do you know that?” Regulus asked in surprise, pulling Sirius from his thoughts. Sirius looked over at his brother and shrugged.

“Mother had me looking at astronomy charts in preparation for my Divination class.” He lied.

Regulus nodded at this and then glanced back at Remus. “I’d like to see it transform.”

“Him.” Sirius snapped vehemently. “And you wouldn’t want to see that, Reg.”

Regulus looked taken aback by this. “It's a half breed, Sirius. Of course it's an it. It's lower than a Muggle in some ways! It's actively corrupting magical lines and blood! Did you read the sign? It’s dangerous!”

“So? You don’t seem to think all that about the house elf!” Sirius yelled back

Regulus looked hurt at this. “Kreacher spent time with me when you didn’t. Kreacher isn’t a monster like that thing is. Kreacher was never human to begin with either. It's different.”

Sirius scowled. He wanted to say more when he heard a loud sound beside him. He flinched as he realized that Remus had smashed his water bowl against the bars of the cage. Sirius took a step back. Remus was on all fours, baring his teeth at Regulus, and imitating a growl.

“Careful, little boy.” Remus said. Sirius had never heard his voice like this, low and growling. “This monster will eat you up if you aren’t careful.”

Regulus' face went pale and he backed up to Sirius’ side. “See? See, Sirius?”

Sirius looked at Remus and Remus stared back at him calmly. He was sitting back now, looking more like the Remus that Sirius knew. There was something charged in the air now and Sirius realized that Remus was angry with him. Really angry. Sirius had no idea what he had done and he couldn’t ask his friend right now. Regulus had slipped his hand into Sirius’ and was tugging him away.

“Let's leave. I want to go home. Mother will be getting home soon anyways.”

“Run along,” Remus said, his eyes sparkling with rage  “Best get home.”

Sirius hated to go but he told himself he would see Remus tonight and they would talk and everything would be just fine. He looked away in shame and let Regulus take him off. The walk through Knockturn Alley was silent between the two brothers and Sirius couldn’t help but feel he had messed up the day for both of the people he cared about.

“12 Grimmauld Place” He said once they were both together in the fireplace. And then they were home, exiting into Sirius’ bedroom. Sirius knocked the soot off his shoes and followed Regulus out.

“I’m sorry.” He said “I didn’t want to fight on our last day.”

Regulus looked at his brother with a pout on his lips. “I’m going to go wash up before dinner.”

“Right. Yeah. Best do.” Sirius said, knowing that mother wouldn’t like either of them showing up for dinner looking rumpled. He watched his brother go and knew he would have to make it up to him, but right now he was far more worried about Remus.

*  *  *

Remus was sat at the back of his cage with his knees pulled to his chest and his face hid against them. He already had not been excited for the goodbyes tonight, but that was before the events of the day had transpired. Now he was both dreading seeing Sirius and dreading losing him. He was angry with his friend, and hurt, and he had a feeling that Sirius wasn’t really going to understand why.

“Moony.”

Remus lifted his head as he heard the timid voice. There was Sirius, peering into his cage in the darkness. Remus remembered that Sirius didn’t have as good of eyesight as he did, the other boy probably couldn’t see him way back here. He sighed and rolled to his feet, padding forward. Sirius looked relieved, like maybe he had thought Remus wouldn’t show. Remus sat down, sticking his gangly legs out of the cage and leaning forward.

“Hey.”

“Hello.”

They stared at each other. Remus could tell that neither wanted to bring up the earlier encounter quite yet. Remus shrugged. “What's in the bag?” He asked, gesturing to the satchel on Sirius’ shoulder.

His friend perked up and reached into it, pulling out several items. “Well first it's the healing draughts.” Sirius said quickly, showing Remus four potion bottles. These were smaller than what he had brought last time, they would fit through the bars. Remus smiled and reached out to take them. He suspected that The Owner would take them away if he found them, but Remus didn’t want to say that to Sirius.

“Next are the sweets.” Sirius pulled out several chocolate bars as well as a bunch of other things that had Remus very interested. “Regulus and I were in Diagon Alley today. I figured I could buy you a bunch of treats.”

“Right. Regulus.” Remus said slowly, taking the gifts from Sirius. He unwrapped a chocolate bar right away and took a massive bite from it.

“I’m sorry about him, Moony!” Sirius said, gripping the bars. “He was being a jerk. I wouldn’t have brought him if I thought he would say all that.”

Remus looked at Sirius and felt his anger flare up again. “Why did you bring him, Sirius?”

Sirius looked confused by the question. “You know I’m going to Hogwarts tomorrow. Reg starts his tutoring sessions back up as well. Last day of freedom and all that. I told him I’d spend the day with him and take him wherever.”

“Last day of freedom.” Remus huffed. “And he wanted to come to the Menagerie?”

“Well I suggested it, but yeah he wanted to come. He loves looking at Magical Creatures. Remember? Borrowed that book of his for you.”

Remus frowned. “And did Regulus find the Menagerie entertaining?”

Sirius seemed to be picking up on Remus’ cold anger and Remus could see him fidgeting. “Yes?”

“Did you?”

Sirius seemed oblivious to what Remus was truly getting at. “The Kneazle is really cool, yeah. Shame about the Fire Crab though, I liked him.”

Remus felt his stomach turn and he looked away from his friend. Suddenly the chocolate coating his mouth felt sickly, not sweet. He wanted Sirius to leave.

“Moony, why are you so mad at me?” Sirius asked desperately.

Remus snapped his head back over to his friend. “Did it ever occur to you that it hurts seeing you wander around the Menagerie on a day trip with your brother? I can understand it the first time around seeing as you didn’t know me then. But we’ve been friends for a few months now, Sirius!”

“Yes!” Sirius said desperately. “Of course we’re friends, Remus! I don’t understand!”

“Am I different than a Kneazle or a Fire Crab in your mind?” Remus said angrily “Because Kneazles are quite intelligent creatures and that poor creature doesn’t deserve to be gawked at in a cage any more than I do. But you seemed quite fine with doing all that with Regulus. Do you want to know what happened to that poor Fire Crab? It was harvested, Sirius! Some rich posh gentlemen, probably purebloods, wanted to purchase some of the gems off its back! I’ve seen The Owner take them before. He uses a sharp knife after Stupefying the poor thing! Only this time they couldn’t stop the bleeding and the creature died!”

Remus was screaming now, standing and looming over Sirius, holding the bars. The sweets and potions had clattered aside when he stood, but he didn’t care. His tirade only continued.

“It's people like you that keep all this going on! You see us as entertainment for you! A fun summer day trip for you and your little brother! Well I’m not just something for you to gawk at, Sirius Black!”

Sirius looked stunned. He had taken a few steps back from where Remus loomed over him. He held up his hands “I...I didn’t know all that about the Fire Crab.” He said.

Remus snorted and tossed his dirty hair before stalking towards the back of the cage and sitting back down where Sirius couldn’t see him, facing towards the brick wall. Then the night was quiet. After long minutes of silence he assumed Sirius had left. He was just about to flop over and attempt to sleep when he heard his friend’s voice speaking by the bars.

“So me coming here and acting like this place was a game hurt you.” Sirius said, seeming to have parsed through Remus’ words. “Because every day people act like you’re a game and I did the same thing. I’m an idiot, Moony.”

Remus heard a soft thunk and shifted around to see Sirius’ head resting on the bars, looking down. He seemed to be thinking quite hard.

“And then of course Regulus said all those things about you.” Sirius continued. “And at that point it didn’t really matter if I stood up against him or not because I had already demonstrated that a part of me had been trained to think the same, huh?”

Remus smiled softly and silently crept forward. Sirius’ head was still hanging downwards. Remus reached out a hand and patted his hair. Sirius jerked back and then looked at Remus in hopeful surprise. Remus smirked.

“It seems rich boys can be taught.”

Sirius’ ears went a familiar shade of red and he reached out to grab Remus’ hand. “I’m so sorry, Moony.” He declared, and Remus could feel the sincerity in it.

“I know you are, Sirius.”

“I’m sorry for what Regulus said as well. Mother always spouts stuff like that.”

Remus nodded “Did you think like that before?”

Sirius licked his lips and looked away. Remus squeezed his hand. He hadn’t realized quite how bad Sirius’ mother’s views on the world were before Remus had experienced the hatred in Regulus’ voice. It was scary to think that Sirius could have once viewed him with that same hatred. But Sirius hadn’t. Sirius had right away decided that Remus was worth something. Remus had to believe in that, even if his friend still had a lot to learn.

Sirius let out a long slow breath and then a weak laugh. “This is really not how I wanted our goodbyes to go.” He admitted.

Remus smirked “I’ll admit my temper is always pretty high this close to a Full Moon. I shouldn’t have threatened Regulus like that.”

Sirius grinned at him properly then. “No. He really deserved that.”

Remus laughed and nodded. “I did think he would wet himself. Now okay, tell me about these sweets you brought me.”

Sirius nodded eagerly and the two boys switched gears. “Okay so Cauldron Cakes are my favorite.” Sirius started, launching into an ode to his favorite snack.

The rest of the night passed fairly normally, with smiles and laughter and their own little world. They shared sweets and chattered about Christmas break. Remus decided that chocolate was still his favorite but he did agree that the honeyed cauldron cakes were the next best thing. By the time they had sampled everything both boys had slightly upset stomachs but massive smiles. Sirius had brought him far more than he could ever hide from The Owner, and he said as much, but Sirius helped with that too.

“I thought of that.” The boy said, moving over to where the familiar crates were stacked up. “You notice that these never ever move?”

“Hmm. Yeah well they’re old. I don’t think he remembers they are there”

“Perfect!” Sirius said, shifting them about slightly. He tucked the potions and candy behind the one of the crates, resting on top of another. From this angle Remus could see it but the stash wouldn’t be visible from the front. Remus moved over and reached his arm out. It was just within his reach beyond the bars. He let out a loud excited laugh. He was going to be able to keep everything Sirius had brought him!

“You just need to be strong enough to get over here after the Full Moon.” Sirius said. “And then you can get the potion and heal up. I know you can do it, Remus.”

“Once again you help me. You’re really going to get a big head about this, aren’t you?”

“Nah, Gryffindors are the ones with big egos.” Sirius said with a laugh.

“I’m sure you can manage.” Remus said, flopping onto his back to look up at the stars. He didn’t think he was brave enough to say the next bit while looking at Sirius’ face.

“I’m really going to miss you, Sirius.”

“I’m really going to miss you too, Remus.”

“Moony.”

A lapse of silence and then a voice that contained a smile. “Going to miss you loads, Moony.”

*  *  *

Sirius stood on the train platform the very next morning, yawning as his mother fixed the front of his clothes.

“Stop with that.” Walburga said sternly, prompting Sirius to cease his yawn. He had stayed with Remus until dawn had begun and then he had raced home just in time to find his mother coming to his room to wake him.

The hustle and bustle of the platform was happening all around him and Sirius was almost too tired to enjoy it. He stepped back when mother finished with his clothes and just tiredly nodded along as she talked about behaving while off at school. A sharp piercing whistle cut through the air and suddenly Sirius was very awake as the Hogwarts Express came into the station. He felt his brother grab onto his hand in excitement and he grinned over at Regulus. The train was amazing, shiny and brand new looking even after its journey. They must have used charms to keep all the dust of travel off the gleaming carriages. The platform was silent for a few moments as everyone seemed to hold their breaths in awe, then the train settled with a whoosh of steam, and the excited chatter of students resumed. Students that were used to the train were already boarding, eager to reconnect with friends and to share summer stories. The last ones on the platform were first years like Sirius, nervous to leave their family behind and strike out on their own. Sirius wasn’t one of these first years. He was eager beyond belief. He would have rushed forward if Regulus wasn’t still hanging on to him. Walburga had strode off and was currently harassing a train worker, informing the man that her son’s bags needed to be loaded carefully and quickly. The brothers were left alone.

Sirius pulled Regulus into a tight hug. “I’m going to miss you, Reg. We’ll write though.”

Regulus hugged his older brother back just as tight before letting go. “I’m sorry.” He blurted out. “About the other day. I want to say that.”

Sirius nodded “I’m sorry as well.”

Regulus looked down at his feet. “Can we not ever fight again? I didn’t like it.”

Sirius hugged Regulus again. “Never again, Reg.”

Their little moment was ended by Walburga returning. The brothers separated and Walburga took Regulus’ hand. “Complete your studies well, Sirius.” his mother said simply. “We expect only the best from you, am I understood?”

Sirius nodded quickly. “Yes of course, mother. I’ll make you proud.”

Walburga nodded and turned to go. “Best do.” She said simply before leaving with Regulus in tow. Sirius noticed that most other parents had stayed to see the train actually leave but Walburga Black hadn’t the time for that. Since mother had handled his bags all Sirius had to do was climb onto the train and find a seat. 

The train was loud and filled with excited voices. Sirius poked his head into a few compartments and found them filled. He was nervous that he wouldn’t find anyone to sit with. Then he glanced into one compartment and found two boys around his age sitting there. They had their heads together and clearly were friends, but they wore no house colors yet. First years like him. Both boys lifted their heads up. 

One of them was a short and chubby lad with a mop of dirty blonde curls and cherubic cheeks. He had a nervous flush over his face and seemed keen to rely on his friend on how to handle Sirius barging into their compartment. The other boy, the leader of the two, had absolutely messy dark brown hair, crooked glasses, and a huge smile. This boy hopped up and stuck out his hand.

“James Potter.” He said amicably and Sirius grinned back and reached out to clasp his hand.

“Sirius Black.”

Chapter Text

Sirius was so grateful he had befriended Remus over the summer, because it meant he wasn’t totally out of his depth when it came to James and Peter. The two boys came as a package deal and Sirius found he liked them both immensely. James talked a lot but Sirius had quickly found they shared a love of Quidditch and a want of mischief. Peter was much quieter than James but seemed to hang on and support his friend’s every word. They apparently had grown up quite close to each other and were both pureblood wizards. Sirius thought his mother would be quite pleased he was already hanging with the ‘right crowd.’

Still the train ride was a bit much for Sirius. He had so little sleep and he didn’t have the same sort of endless energy that seemed to infuse James and Peter. Sirius kept holding back yawns. He told himself he would rest just for a little bit, to get himself back so he could properly enjoy the journey.

Several hours later he felt someone shaking him and he looked up into James’ beaming face. “Nearly there. I didn’t want you to miss it.” James said and Sirius smiled at him gratefully.

He sat up and joined Peter and James to press eager faces against the windows. Hogsmeade rolled into view and Sirius felt a thrill go through him. Almost to Hogwarts now. Hogsmeade itself was exciting and he knew the other boys felt similar ways. 

“Someday when we’re older we’ll get to visit all those shops.” James said “Grab a butterbeer or visit Honeydukes. My dad always talks about trips to Hogsmeade.”

Sirius glanced over to find Peter nodding along eagerly. Their parents actually talked to them about their time at Hogwarts? All Sirius really knew was that he needed to study hard and not lose too many house points. These thoughts were cut short as the train lurched to a stop. James and Peter instantly started towards the compartment door and Sirius followed a touch more unsure of himself.

James turned about though as they were walking down the train aisles. The boy walked backwards and beamed at Sirius. “This is going to be so much fun!”

Sirius laughed and reached forward to grab and steady James’ because the boy was about to walk right back into a sixth year. James looked grateful as the older witch rolled her eyes at the two boys and got off the train. Sirius and James burst into laughter. For the first time Sirius felt so grateful to James Potter, for just knowing to turn around and include him. Suddenly he wasn’t scared at all. Sirius and his newfound friends spilled out onto the sunny Hogsmeade platform and were easily rounded up into a gaggle of other first years.

“Stick together, lads.” James said, linking arms with Peter and Sirius.

Sirius had never known someone who was so easily confident as James was. Confident but also easily included both of them; infusing them with his positivity. Sirius vowed that he was going to figure out how to do that. For now the trio traveled in a little pod and when they were brought to the boats they all eagerly clambered in one together. It was four to a boat though, and so they were quickly joined by a new face.

“Dorcas Meadowes.” The girl said as she hopped confidently down into the boat. Peter grabbed the edge hard as the boat shook from side to side, Dorcas didn’t seem to notice.

James immediately introduced all three of the boys and Dorcas seemed to relax with an easy smile as she realized she was most certainly welcome in their boat. Dorcas was one of the first girls that Sirius had ever properly met whom he wasn’t related to. Maybe that was why he couldn’t manage to find his voice near her at the start. When James introduced him he nodded his head but stayed silent. Dorcas had puffy black hair and dark skin and she seemed to carry herself with far more confidence than most of the shy and timid first year students. She was also dressed almost fully in Muggle clothing, wild orange corduroy bell bottom pants and a band tee, though not any wizard band he had ever heard of; Labelle. She had her robe tossed over this ensemble and didn’t seem at all bothered that she was entering the school year in such a casual manner. 

Dorcas easily relaxed against the stern of the little boat. James and Peter were sitting together in the prow and Peter looked utterly terrified of the foreign creature that had stepped into their world. Sirius was in the middle seat and he spun around to talk to Dorcas as the ships set off. He was fairly sure this girl was already one of the coolest people he would ever meet in his life.

“I didn’t know you could wear muggle clothing at Hogwarts.” He said

“Let me guess. Pureblood?”

“Sirius Black.” He said wryly, knowing his name would be enough.

Dorcas nodded with understanding. “Right well you’ll find that most of the wizarding world thinks you lot are a bunch of dicks.”

Sirius’ mouth popped open. She had sworn so easily and it was so cool. He snapped his jaw shut and then grinned. He reached up to ruffle up his own hair into a mess and then undid the top few buttons on his stuffy fancy shirt. “Well I’m not going to be like them.” He informed Dorcas with a proud lift of his chin.

Dorcas smiled then. Her smile wasn’t vicious or aloof like Sirius had expected from someone so self possessed at eleven. Instead it was endearingly sweet, blossoming two dimples on her cheeks. It was the sort of genuine smile of someone utterly trustworthy and wonderful to the core.

“Yes you can wear Muggle clothes at Hogwarts.” She finally said “Though not during the school week. Then it's uniform. It's just that I’m in a fight with the administration over my uniform. I don’t want to wear a skirt like all the girls. I just want to wear the boys’ trousers. So I’m rebelling and wearing this to the feast.”

James whistled from behind them and leaned forward “You’re rebelling before we even get started? That's amazing! How can we help?”

Dorcas looked surprised at this and looked between the three boys. Sirius nodded when her eyes landed on him. Yes absolutely he would help. He suspected his mother wouldn’t be thrilled he was already plotting against school administration before they had even docked. Dorcas shrugged and smiled at them all. “Cheers, lads.” She said “But for now let's just get our houses, yeah?”

They all nodded at that. Peter was still gripping the side of the boat nervously but he timidly piped up for the first time since the train.

“What houses do you guys hope to get?”

“Gryffindor” James and Dorcas instantly said and then both laughed. 

Dorcas shrugged “I wouldn’t mind Ravenclaw either though.”

Peter chewed on his lip. “I think Gryffindor too…” He mumbled, glancing over at James. James nodded eagerly and Peter smiled and seemed to gain some confidence in his answer.

“What about you, Black?” Dorcas asked.

“Slytherin.” Sirius said. “My whole family has always been Slytherin. I’m sure that's where I will be.”

There was a touch of awkward silence after this. Sirius felt a bit self conscious now that he knew these three new friends all wanted to be in Gryffindor. He hoped they would still be friends but he wasn’t sure. He’d always heard the worst things about the proud and stuffy Gryffindor house. He didn’t really want to deal with that for seven years. 

“You would look good in green.” James informed him after the awkward silence lingered. Sirius smiled over at him gratefully. 

James and Sirius were still holding eye contact when Peter gasped and Dorcas sat up straighter, her eyes opening in awe. Sirius and James both whipped around quickly and the sight before them had Sirius’ mouth pop back open.

Hogwarts sat above the lake with glowing lights in every window. The castle’s towers seemed to soar so high into the sky and the building itself was sprawling. The sheer size of it was enough to wrest an entire fleet of excitable eleven year olds to stunned silence. For a while all that could be heard was the lapping of the water against the wood and distant noises traveling across the water from the castle itself. From here it sounded like the castle itself was alive, rising with voices and snippets of conversation blown by the wind across the water. Sirius had never felt such pure elation as he realized how free he truly was. All his life he had grown up in a narrow dark-walled flat in the middle of a city he wasn’t allowed to explore. Now he could see his future laid out before him and it was enormous! 

Sirius couldn’t help it, he leapt up to stand on the seat of the boat and yelled. It was more of a howl, really, and it reminded him of Remus. Remus would love to see this view and Sirius grinned at the castle and knew that someday he and Remus were going to map every inch of it together. His howl had garnered laughter from all the first years and Sirius gave a little bow before hopping back down to sit. There were a few claps and chatter resumed as the initial awe had been broken by Sirius’ yawp.

“Please don’t do that again.” Peter said weakly and Sirius noticed he looked very pale. James clapped the boy on the back.

“Alright, Petey?”

“Going to be sick if we don’t land soon.” Peter bemoaned and buried his face against his hands.

Dorcas held out a fist to Sirius and Sirius looked at it in confusion. Dorcas laughed. “You bump your fist against mine.” She explained.

Sirius made a fist and tapped it lightly against Dorcas’ “Why exactly?”

“It's a muggle gesture. They do it in America during sports games. It's cool. Means good on you. Something like that.”

Sirius grinned at that and bumped his fist against Dorcas’ again before holding his fist out to the rest of the boat. James was eager to fist bump him, but Peter’s bump was weak and shaky. 

“That's so sweet, Dorcas!” Sirius said. He was pretty sure Dorcas Meadowes didn’t need to go to school. She seemed to already know everything.

Moments later the boats were docking and Sirius joined the eager throng of other first years. He lost Peter and James for a few moments, but he still had Dorcas at his side. None of that would matter soon anyways since soon they would be sorted and they would all be at different tables.

“First years!” A woman in a green dress and wearing a traditional witch’s hat held up her hands and beckoned the younglings over. Sirius joined in and stood waiting. The woman was unassuming looking really but she had a stern set to her mouth. Sirius wouldn’t normally be thrown off by a stern visage, he grew up with Walburga, but he was off-put by the contrast of this woman’s eyes. She looked on all the eager faces with an understanding kindness that was in deep contrast to the firm line of her mouth.

“My name is Professor McGonagall.” She said, lowering her arms and folding her hands before her. “In moments you will enter the Great Hall of Hogwarts. You will then be sorted into your houses. You will be called alphabetically, sorted, and then you may go sit with your fellow housemates. These houses will help define your seven years here at Hogwarts. They will be your brothers and sisters during your time here. Any questions?”

It was a simple process and all the kids were too excited to wonder much about how the process actually worked. Most all the students had been waiting for this moment either their entire lives or since the letter had come months ago. They were ready.

“Follow me, First Years.” McGonagall said before turning as the doors to the Great Hall opened.

There were many gasps as they walked into the hall for the first time. Sirius had his own neck craned backwards to see the ceiling. His cousins had told him about the ceiling and it didn’t disappoint. There were soft swirling clouds at first and then they parted to reveal a magnificent night sky. Sirius grinned as he easily found the constellation Canis Major which contained his namesake. That had to be a good sign. There were also candles floating lazily through the air, infusing the entire hall with a warm and cozy light. Sirius lowered his head and saw the long four tables already filled with students. He eagerly looked towards the Slytherin table and smiled when he caught sight of Bellatrix, Andromeda, and Narcissa. It had been a bit since he had seen his cousins and he was thrilled to know he would join them soon enough. 

They all filed to the front of the hall where there was another table which seated the professors, and then massive resplendent banners behind them depicting the four house crests. Sirius looked at the Slytherin crest and his little chest puffed out with eager pride. He glanced around and saw James. The other boy was quite clearly staring at the Gryffindor crest. Sirius hoped the boy got in there. He wanted his new friend to be where he wanted.

A general hush fell over the assembly and Sirius looked towards the simple brown stool sitting in front of them all. It had a rather old and mangy hat sitting on it and Sirius scrunched his nose. He didn’t really want to put that on his hair. McGonagall began the ceremony, calling students by their last name. Sirius knew he wouldn’t have to wait long. He watched a girl get sorted to Hufflepuff and two boys to Ravenclaw and then it was already his turn.

“Black.” McGonagall said and Sirius hopped up right away. He knew what he was going to get and he was so eager. He sat on the stool and the hat plopped onto his head.

“Old and mangy?” A voice whispered inside his mind. Sirius could feel his ears heating up and he desperately hoped the hat hid them from his new classmates. He hadn’t thought the hat would know and he desperately apologized in his mind. 

“Sirius Black”  The hat whispered in his mind. “Well you’re an easy one, aren’t you? Proud and brave and eager to please. Desperate to become someone. I know right where to put you.”

Sirius grinned, knowing he was about to go sit down where all Blacks before him had sat.

“GRYFFINDOR!”

Sirius nearly fell backwards off of his stool as the hat bellowed loudly. He felt dizzy. That couldn’t be right. McGonagall was starting to lift the hat off his head but Sirius yanked it back down. He started thinking furiously about Slytherin. He belonged in Slytherin! His entire family was in Slytherin! He was the heir to the noble and ancient house of Black! Put me in Slytherin, he practically yelled in his thoughts.

The hat was silent.

Sirius was miserable when McGonagall gently tugged the hat off of him. He only looked up long enough to see what direction the Gryffindor table was in, and then he lowered his head and walked over there. The table itself was thrilled to have their first student sorted into the house. He sat down and was immediately welcomed with bright smiles and pats on the back. 

Just a few moments into his time here and he was already failing. What would his mother and father say when they found out? What about Regulus? He briefly managed to lift his head and look towards the Slytherin table. Bellatrix was staring at him with an open sneer and he felt the shame rising as bile in his throat. He barely paid much attention to the sorting; though eventually more new Gryffindors began to join him. 

One of the first was Lily Evans. She sat down beside him and seemed to know right away that he wasn’t happy. Still she gave him a smile. “I’m Lily.”

Sirius looked over at her and found the strength to manage a weak smile. “Sirius.”

He dropped his head back down, not feeling like more introductions. He just wanted the night to end at this point. He was going to need to send an owl to his mother right away. Walburga Black always got what she wanted, she could probably bully the administration to switch him to Slytherin or something. 

Dorcas soon joined their table and sat beside Lily and the two girls easily introduced themselves. Sirius also heard someone named Mary join them, but he stayed silent. Sirius eventually perked up again when he heard the students around him murmuring. He looked up to see Peter sitting on the stool. The hat had fallen almost all the way down Peter’s head and Sirius could see only his mouth which was hanging open and displaying an unfortunate pair of buck teeth.

“It's a hatstall.” Sirius heard one of the older students saying.

He watched with curiosity and Peter seemed to sit there for ages. Even Professor McGonagall seemed a touch unsure what to do as students began to get restless. Eventually the hat called Gryffindor and Peter hurriedly rushed over and plopped down across from Lily.

“So embarrassing.” He groaned, covering his face.

“What two houses was it picking from?” Lily asked curiously.

“Gryffindor and Slytherin.” Peter said glumly.

Sirius felt white hot jealous rage shoot through him. The hat had almost sent Peter to Slytherin? Peter who had done nothing but moan and groan and nearly throw up on the boat? What about him was anything like the strength and cunning it took to be in Slytherin? Sirius wanted to throttle the other boy even though he hadn’t done anything wrong. It just wasn’t fair. The hat hadn’t even waffled about on him, it had chosen Gryffindor right away! Sirius glared at Peter until James Potter sat down across from him.

James didn’t even start introducing himself to the rest of the table yet. The first thing he did was lean forward to catch Sirius’ eye and gave him a kind smile. “Alright, mate?” He asked kindly.

Sirius stared at James’ little lopsided smile and found himself relaxing. He had gotten sorted into Gryffindor with all the people that he had liked. What was so bad about all that? James Potter already seemed to know him better than most people, the boy had instantly realized that Sirius was upset at not having ended up where he wanted. Sirius found himself nodding and it wasn’t a lie.

“Yeah. Alright. Will be.” He said.

James grinned and nodded and held out his fist. Sirius laughed and bumped his own against it. Gryffindor couldn’t be all horrible. Not with people like this in it. Sirius watched as James then turned to the rest of the first years and began learning everyone’s names. Sirius made himself engage with his new classmates as well, introducing himself to the people he had been shunning.

The sorting finished and Sirius was ready for the food. First there were some words from Headmaster Dumbledore but honestly Sirius couldn’t be bothered to listen to them. The man was old and boring and his stomach was rumbling. Dumbledore clapped his hands and the food appeared. Sirius had wondered if he would be too nervous or sad to eat after he had first been sorted, but now he knew that he had been insane to think that. The food that appeared before his eyes seemed endless and astounding. It seemed to have a bit of everything and he needed to try it all. He piled his plate with all the new foods and tucked in right away.

“Try this.” James said, putting some bit of meat onto his plate.

“Cheers.” Sirius shoved it in his mouth and nodded appreciatively before putting a bun on James’ platter “Okay now you try this.”

They did this for the entire meal. James was always quick to give samples to both Peter and Sirius. Sirius only passed food to James, still a bit jealous and frustrated with Peter. The meal ended with all three of them groaning and holding their stomachs as the girls chuckled in their direction. It was well worth it though. Sirius was sure he’d never eaten so much in his life. 

“First years follow me!” An older Gryffindor student with a badge, a prefect, came to collect them all. James and Sirius leaned heavily on one another as they followed the prefect through the halls towards Gryffindor Tower. The entire walk to the tower had all the first years exclaiming with excitement. From the moving staircases to the portraits wishing them a good first year and to the ghosts floating through the air; every bit of Hogwarts was brimming with magic. 

Eventually they made it to the Portrait of the Fat Lady that guarded Gryffindor Tower. Sirius had been expecting to end up in the dungeons in Slytherin common room but he had to admit that a tower sounded much more appealing than a dungeon.

“Banderclash” The prefect intoned and the portrait swung open.

“Banderclash.” James murmured “Yeah I think I can remember that.” He yawned.

Everything happened rather fast then. They were assigned dormitories quickly and showed the basic layout of the common room as well as instructed on breakfast times and when classes begun. Then they were free to go unpack. James, Sirius, and Peter were all in the same room which was lucky and exciting. James was the first one up to their room, taking the stairs two at a time while Sirius and Peter followed behind.

“Four beds!” James said, popping his head back out of the dorm before they had even made it inside. Sure enough when they walked in there were four beds and not just three. James surveyed their new kingdom with a satisfied nod. “You think the prefect made a mistake? It's a bit odd, right. They seemed pretty keen on the assigned rooms.”

Sirius shrugged and went over to flop on one of the beds near to the stairs. His trunk was already there waiting for him. “Maybe someone dropped out or something. Now we have more room!”

James nodded and claimed the bed catty corner to him, and Peter the one beside that. It left the empty bed closest to Sirius. The exhaustion of the day seemed to overwhelm all three boys at once and Sirius found himself yawning right along with his two new friends. He knew he should get up and unpack and change into pajamas. He should also probably find the Owlery to send a letter apologizing to his parents. But the maroon bedspread he was laying on was warm and he could already hear Peter’s soft snores filling the room. All of that could just wait for tomorrow...

Chapter Text

It was September 5th and the Full Moon was tonight. Remus was not looking forward to spending it all alone and he felt more high strung and angry than normal. Having Sirius gone was harder than he had expected. This all just felt too familiar. His mind knew what it meant to be alone and it easily slipped back into that hopeless haze where he had spent most of his life. He spent most of the days sitting with his legs pulled to his chest and his face hidden away. He endured the sickles thrown in his direction and he stayed quiet. His voice had gotten used to being used and he struggled with that the most. Not having Sirius around to talk with meant that talking was utterly pointless. As the days slipped into fall and the nights grew longer, he found he had too much time to think and no way to voice his thoughts.

Sirius was most likely off making loads of friends. He was jealous of this, but not really angry. He couldn’t fault his friend for having easy charisma. Remus just wished he could know what Sirius was doing. His own life was certain. He would wake up day after day to The Owner clinking his wand against the cage, he would eat his breakfast and then he would be jeered at, and at night he would go to sleep. Then it would all repeat. Remus knew what his life held but Sirius’ life right now was a complete mystery. He had the whole world at his fingertips and Remus ached to know what that was like. Sirius promised to get him out of the cage, and Remus believed that, but how long did he have to wait?

Sirius had said he was going to work on a plan for Christmas Break. That was still quite some time away but Remus would simply have to manage. He was really quite helpless himself which irritated him so much. Especially since Sirius had implied that he might have magic. He shifted so that he could stare down at his dirty palms. They were rough and cracked and the dirt traced lines through his hands. His nails were long and unkempt. But was there magic in them? Locked away somewhere that he couldn’t reach? If he did indeed have magic then what did that mean for him? It was quite obvious that werewolves were not enjoyed in the wizarding world. He wanted to go to Hogwarts with Sirius but would they even allow that? It wasn’t as if he could simply hide away. The mark of what he was was carved all over his body, even his face.

Maybe there were other options, though. There had to be other werewolves in the world and if they knew magic then they could teach him! He knew the Wolf wanted a pack and that must mean he would fit in somewhere with those other wolves. But then...Sirius couldn’t join him there. He knew it would be too dangerous and would result in his friend’s death.

It was on days like this that Remus started to feel like maybe the cage was the best option for something like him.

He rested his head back on his knees and thought of Regulus. The boy had been so certain in his conviction that Remus was dangerous and not worth caring for. Remus hated to admit that that encounter had stuck with him. Perhaps because Regulus and Sirius looked so alike and had been raised the same. Would they teach that same sort of hatred at Hogwarts? Perhaps Sirius would come back agreeing with his brother.

Perhaps he wouldn’t come back at all.

*  *  *

Sirius didn’t get out of bed on September 5th. It was a Sunday so really he didn’t have to. He kept the thick maroon curtains around his bed firmly closed to dissuade James from dragging him down to breakfast. He heard James and Peter chatting as they left the room, and Sirius remained. Remus was going to be facing the Full Moon alone tonight and Sirius felt sick with worry. Sick with a lot of worries, really.

It had been a few days of classes, a truncated first week so that students could get their bearings. Already Sirius felt in over his head. The very first day of classes had started off poorly for him and it had only gone downhill from there.

He had gone to breakfast that morning with James and Peter and had sat happily at the Gryffindor table. He had barely sat down before Bellatrix had come over and demanded that Sirius eat breakfast with her and her sisters. Sirius had quickly apologized to his friends before leaving them to join his cousins.

Narcissa was a 5th year student at Hogwarts, Andromeda in 6th, and Bellatrix was in her final year at the school. The three sisters had the same Black family looks with high cheekbones and dark hair. Sirius had felt like he was out of his depth as he sat down beside Andromeda, facing Bella and Cissy.

“Take that thing off.” Bellatrix had said, pointing at his Gryffindor tie “It doesn’t suit one of us.”

Sirius had ducked his head but had loosened his tie and slipped it off. He could put it back on before classes. The food was already around but Sirius wasn’t hungry. He had a cup of tea and allowed Andromeda to slide a slice of toast onto his platter. She had always been his favorite of the three sisters though she was quiet. Sirius held his mug of tea like a lifeline, but it could never be enough.

“You’re a disappointment.” Bellatrix said with finality and Sirius flinched ever so slightly. He had known it was coming but it still hurt. “An utter shame to the family name to be sorted into Gryffindor. Honestly you don’t deserve the title of heir.”

“I didn’t choose Gryffindor.” Sirius protested “I even tried to get the stupid hat to change it, but he wouldn’t. I called it mangy and old and I think it was mad.”

Andromeda covered her mouth as she nearly spit up her tea. Bellatrix turned her attention onto her younger sister.

“This is no laughing matter, Andromeda.”

“Yes of course not.” Andromeda said sweetly. Under the table she had taken Sirius’ hand and held it gently. Sirius was immensely grateful for the support.

Bellatrix berated Sirius for the entire breakfast. Explaining to him that this had been his own personal failing but that it shamed them all. She called him all sorts of things. Sirius just clung tightly to Andromeda’s hang through the entire meal. He hadn’t managed to eat the toast. Narcissa hadn’t even looked at him. Last New Year’s he had sat on the carpet of 12 Grimmauld Place with Reg and Cissy and had asked her questions about Hogwarts. She was the closest in age to them, five years older than Sirius. Now she wouldn’t look at him.

As breakfast ended he had watched Bella and Cissy sweep out of the hall. Sirius had tried to tie his tie but his hands had been too shaky. Andromeda had reached out to tie it for him and he managed a small pitiful nod of thanks. 

“It's not really the end of the world, you know.” Andromeda had said softly. “They might act like it is, but at the end of the day it's only a different color tie and a crest.”

Sirius knew she was trying to help but it only made him feel worse. “Mother won’t see it like that.” He said before getting up and hurrying away.

He had spent all of his classes distracted and out of it. He’d lost Gryffindor five points in potions when he accidentally tipped his cauldron onto the floor. He’d fallen asleep in transfiguration even though he was most excited for that class. He had accidentally crashed into another first year during flight class. He had completely neglected his appearance as well, not showering or changing clothes so he looked rumpled and unkempt

The problem was the waiting. He had sent an owl right after breakfast with Bellatrix and her sisters but he still hadn’t heard from his mother. Several days and Walburga Black hadn’t said a thing. The waiting was what was killing Sirius. He didn’t know what to do with himself as he drifted through this fearful limbo. All his life he had known what and who he was going to be: The Black Heir in Slytherin House. Now all of that was gone in an instant and he desperately wished someone was around to tell him what to do now.

That was the motivating factor that finally drew him from his bed. The mail was delivered in the morning and if mother sent anything then he needed to be at breakfast to receive it. He rolled from his bed with a heaving sigh and slipped into his black slippers. Sirius’ pajamas were a dark emerald green satin with a silver S emblazoned on his lapel. Not exactly Gryffindor colors but it was all he had. He shrugged on a robe over top before plodding down to the Great Hall. He sat down heavily beside James and instantly reached for the teapot. James watched him with a raised brow.

“I was right, you look good in green.” James said in a friendly manner. 

Sirius shot a look over at his friend but didn’t pursue the conversation. James nodded at this rejection, shrugged, and then turned back to chatting about Quidditch with Dorcas. Sirius appreciated that he wasn’t going to be roped in to the morning cheer. He sat with his chin in his hand, staring blankly ahead, and waited for the mail. The Owls came swooping in and Sirius scanned for the familiar eagle owl his family kept. He saw it swooping down towards him and his mouth went dry. It dropped a letter onto the plate before him. Not a howler. He had wondered if mother would choose that for the chance to scold him. No, Walburga liked her calm and collected aura too much. She wouldn’t show her ruffled feathers to the general populace of Hogwarts. Whatever was in this letter was for Sirius alone and would be far more scathing than any howler could deliver.

Sirius tore it open and read over it once at the table quickly. He stood afterwards, shoving it into his pajama pocket and fled the room. He returned to his bed in Gryffindor tower and closed the curtains around him. With his wand tip lit in the darkness of his nest he read the letter again and again. He knew that what he was doing wasn’t good or healthy. He was twisting the knife into his chest over and over. He should put the letter aside and go sit with his new friends or explore the massive castle. Instead he read.

Sirius,

We received your letter with the utmost of disappointments. How could you allow such a transgression on your first night? After this summer I had hoped you would turn out to be somewhat decent of a child, something I had long thought was not possible. It seems I was incorrect in my presumptions as you have shamed the entire Black Family with your sorting. Your father and I are most displeased with you and your continued failings.

You will seek to rectify your shortcomings by applying yourself vigorously to your studies. You will attend all meals with your cousins and Bellatrix has agreed to take you under her wing and give you some proper guidance. Already I have shared several correspondences with your cousin. She informs me that you are also fraternizing with mudbloods and the like. Do you want to give your parents more cause to be dispirited at your actions? You were always a selfish boy. Cease these pointless relationships at once. You are not at Hogwarts to hang out with that ilk. You are there for the prestige of learning at a timeless institution. You will do so and you will find a way to reduce the smear you have spread across our family tree.

Your father will be eager to have a discussion with you over your winter break.

Signed,
Walburga Black, most noble.

Sirius sniffled and shoved the letter aside. He shouldn’t be surprised that it was just a stilted scolding, but he would have liked some bit of motherly advice for all this. Maybe that was just because James’ had let him read a letter from his own mother just yesterday. 

James had written his mother to say how much he had missed the Aloo Gobi that they would make together. Euphemia had kindly written back encouraging him to try new foods but had also sent her recipe directly to the house elves of Hogwarts. That night there had been a full spread of traditional Indian cuisine and the entire table of Gryffindor had thanked James immensely. James himself had definitely teared up a little.

Euphemia’s writing had been different from Walburga’s. It had been understanding and kind but also so firmly encouraging. She had done something amazing for her son while also reinforcing that she did want him to branch out and try new things and to not spend all his time homesick. Sirius couldn’t believe anyone could be so calm and sweet while teaching a lesson. Walburga had never been like that for him. Even the way they had signed off was so vastly different. Walburga signed off so formally, as if Sirius was just some random person she was writing to. Euphemia’s letter had ended with ‘Love, Mum’ and a bunch of scratch marks. When Sirius had asked what they were James had looked at him askance.

“X’s and O’s, Sirius! You know, kisses and hugs? Doesn’t your mother do that?” James looked surprised and then looked back at his letter fondly. “She’s a big dork. I think she’s beat her record on how many hugs she sent this time around.”

Sirius crushed Walburga’s letter and tossed it away from him. No matter how many times he read it it was never going to finish with X’s and O’s. He yanked his duvet up over his head and curled into a ball. He’d always known his family was different and he had been told all his life that they were better. He was starting to doubt the truth of that. This didn’t feel better.

*  *  *

Remus woke up after the Full Moon with a horrible sore throat. He remembered that the wolf had howled all night long and it had stolen his voice. The injuries were not as bad as he feared after such a bad week. He had two new gashes side by side on his arm, but they had already scabbed over with a crust of blood by the time he woke. His body was bruised, of course, but all things considered he was grateful the Wolf had decided to get its aggravation out by howling instead of fighting the steel bars. 

He was able to get over and grab one of the potions from his hidden stash and drank it down easily. The familiar tingle spread, infusing him with stamina and healing. It didn’t feel as potent as the first time and he wondered if potions could go bad. Well...He was trusting an unschooled eleven year old to make them for him. Almost twelve. Remus smiled as he looked down at the empty bottle and thought about Sirius. The full moon of November would mean that on Sirius’ birthday Remus would be waking up after the Wolf. He hoped his friend wouldn’t worry so much. He hoped he had a big happy party. He was sure he would, Sirius was probably thriving at Hogwarts.

Remus stretched and yawned before going to find what he had for breakfast. He drank down all of his water right away and hoped The Owner would bring him more. It helped with the soreness. The dry scratchy bread in his bowl was less soothing on his ravaged throat. There was also an entire potato that Remus wasn’t sure if it was safe to eat or not, but he wolfed it down anyways. He wished he could have some meat though, he was sick of old bread. It had been ages since The Owner had given him meat and his body seemed to be feeling it.

Remus had so much energy right now and absolutely nothing to do with it. He sighed and sat at the front of his cage with his long legs dangling out the front. September had brought a quiet to the Menagerie. Gone were all the younger crowds that dared to walk down Knockturn, and it seemed like the end of summer in general meant less people out and about. Remus knew people would dwindle away more and more as the days progressed onwards. This was both a blessing and a curse. He was eternally grateful that less people meant less pestering him. However it also made his view incredibly boring. He could see clear on through to the street and it was nearly devoid of life. He could see the Apothecary from here with its dark wood siding and dingy windows. Sirius said his mother shopped there and he wondered if his friend had gotten the ingredients for healing draughts there. 

He kicked his feet back and forth and hugged his arms around the bars so he could rest his cheek glumly against them. He heard a little chirp and perked up. He glanced over and saw that the Kneazle was also at the edge of its enclosure and it was looking towards Remus.

“Hi there.” Remus said, dragging the words from his rough throat. He sounded horrible. The Kneazle gave a chirping sort of sound back and Remus was thrilled.

This was the very first animal that had ever paid attention to him in a positive way. Remus looked around but The Owner was off on the other end of the Menagerie talking to a witch and gesturing to the birds at the entrance. Making a deal, it seemed.

“I’m Remus.” the boy said to the Kneazle. He didn’t know if the being understood him but he didn’t mind if the catlike creature knew his name. The Kneazle settled down and stuck its front paws out of its cage. Remus laughed in delight and kicked his own legs out again. It might have been an accident, or perhaps the Kneazle was copying him.

“I want out too.” Remus said to the beast who seemed to be listening “My friend Sirius is working on a plan. I hope it works. He’s got magic so it seems plausible. Plausible means highly likely. I...think?” Remus struggled to remember the words that Sirius taught him sometimes. His friend talked so differently than the voices Remus tended to hear on the streets. 

“When I get out-” He paused to clear his throat of the scratchiness “I’ll get you out too.”

The Kneazle chirped back and Remus was thrilled to have made yet another friend. His success rate in the last few months was astounding to him.

*  *  *

“Blimey. You’re really good at potions then.” James said in stunned surprise as Sirius was able to easily brew the Cure for Boils potion that Slughorn had started them out on.

Sirius shrugged. His mother had made him practice all the first year potions. The Cure for Boils had definitely been the easiest of the lot. It was boring though and Sirius didn’t really care if he got it right or not. Whatever was the point? Walburga wouldn’t care about a successful boils potion if he did it while wearing a gold and scarlet tie.

Sirius glanced up towards where Slughorn was. The man was making his way around the room and soon enough he would come over to Sirius’ cauldron and see the pink smoke rising from it and know that Sirius Black had managed the potion in the same amount of time as Severus Snape, a Slytherin that Slughorn was currently praising for his success. Sirius couldn’t stand Snape. The other boy was gross and annoying and Sirius was slightly jealous that he got to wear his black hair long, even if it was much much uglier than Sirius’ own locks. 

Sirius turned back to his cauldron and stared down at the liquid inside. It would definitely earn him house points if he allowed Slughorn to see it. House points for Gryffindor. Before thinking too much more about it he tossed three more porcupine quills into the mixture. The cauldron let out an ominous groan before erupting in a puff of red smoke. Sirius stepped back quickly and the rest of the class turned his way.

Professor Slugorn ambled over looking disappointed. “Mr. Black. What is happening over here?”

Sirius shrugged and looked down. “Must have read the recipe wrong, professor.”

“Read a bit more carefully next time. I know your mother has an aptitude for potions, Mr. Black. Apply yourself and you will have luck with time.”

Sirius just nodded and waited for Slughorn to depart. James nudged him right away and looked at him funny. “Why’d you do that?” He whispered “Your potion was perfect, Sirius.”

Sirius could hardly tell his friend that he didn’t want to get any house points for fear of getting in trouble with his family. The daily meals with his cousins were wearing on him terribly and he felt like he was constantly pulled in two directions. To both do good at his schoolwork and to also not bring the family more shame by excelling too much while in the wrong house. How could he say all that to James though?

“Well it's a bit more fun to do it this way.” He said, faking a bright smile and earning several laughs from those within earshot. 

That felt...good. Really good. Funny to get validation for fucking up. James was laughing too and James’ had an absolutely horrendous laugh. It was loud and disruptive and entirely infectious. It was the first thing about his new friend that didn’t seem overly perfect, besides his messy hair. James’ ugly laugh reminded him of Regulus’ snorting one.

Sirius’ failed potion was starting to really stink now though. He used scourgify to clean his cauldron and rolled up his sleeves to scrub at it. 

“Better luck next time.” He heard a smug voice say. He looked up and found Severus Snape standing there and sneering down at him. 

Sirius rolled his eyes. “Shove off, Severus. You stink worse than my potion.”

It was mean to say but Sirius felt it was hard to be kind to anyone wearing the Slytherin colors these days. He was jealous and angry and still a child even if he had a lot to worry about. He didn’t know how to control emotions like this. People were laughing around him now but now the laughter was more directed at Snape who stomped off without a retort.

Sirius returned to furiously cleaning his cauldron. James, beside him, let him get away with not talking for the rest of class. James didn’t manage to make the potion, in the end, and he leaned over to Lily Evans near to them both. James and Lily had been fairly friendly to start. Well, James was friendly with everyone.

“Oi Evans. Your potion looks alright then. Will you give me a hand with your notes later?”

Lily shot them both a dark look. “No.” She said, gathering her parchments and books as the class bell sounded. “I don’t want to share notes with bullies.” she said before leaving.

James and Sirius looked at her leave and then looked at each other. “Bullies?” James said in complete confusion. Sirius felt horrible.

“She means me.” Sirius groaned, leaning against his cauldron and loosening his stupid tie. “Because what I said to Snape. They are like childhood friends or something. Didn’t you see that creep following her around since we got here?”

“I didn’t tell him he stinked though, that was all you!”

“Villain by association.” Sirius said.

James huffed and crossed his arms. “Whatever. I thought Evans was cool, but who needs girls anyways?”

“I’m really sorry, James.” Sirius said “I know that you thought Lily was neat. I didn’t mean to mix you up in it. I’ll talk to her.”

“Or you could talk to me.” James hopped up to sit on his desk, his tone changing slightly. The class was departing and Slughorn was busy chatting with a sixth year student who had popped by to ask a question. Sirius and James had their lunch period next so they could afford to dawdle a bit.

“Talk to you?” Sirius said slowly, turning back to clean his cauldron.

“I mean I don’t know if I could be much help at all, but sometimes just talking about things helps.” James said. He seemed hesitant and a tiny bit embarrassed, but Sirius could tell he was earnest. “My mum has this rule at home about talking-”

Sirius snorted, his mother had rules about talking too.

“-She says I can come to her and talk to her about anything. Even if it doesn’t make sense. Even if I think she won’t like it much. Or like I need to ramble. Like I’m doing now.” James scratched a hand at the back of his head. It made his hair worse somehow “And it's really good, you know? Like when I was little it was if I had a bad dream. Now am I a bit bigger. So I talked to her about being nervous to come to school and stuff. And like I’ll probably write her a letter about how scary girls are later and stuff. Uh-”

“James” Sirius interrupted his friend's caring tirade “What are you trying to say?”

“Oh!” James smiled brightly “I was thinking we could have that same rule. Since we are going to be best friends. I can talk to you and you can talk to me. About anything.”

“What about Peter?”

James smiled at him gently. “You can have more than one best friend, Sirius.”

Sirius looked down before tipping his cauldron back upright and gathering up his books. He understood what James was trying to do. Sirius had been glum for all of September. He went to his classes but he wasn’t really present. He sat at meals with Bellatrix and her sisters and listened to endless rants about how useless and disgraceful he was. He received a letter every three days from his mother explaining his endless disappointments. He found it hard to find any room in his head for any positive thoughts.

James was a perfect foil to his own being these days. James seemed to have endless positivity for ever single bit of Hogwarts. Day after day he seemed thrilled just to be there. The social aspect of school seemed more important to him than the actual academia of it all, but he was getting by decently in all their classes. He never seemed to be alone, always talking to a different person and making as many friends as possible. Where Sirius spent most of his free time holed up away in his bed, James’ held court in the common room. 

James was trying to bring Sirius into that glowing golden world and Sirius was terrified of souring that for his friend.

“I don’t have anything to talk about.” He lied. He turned away as he saw the smile vanish from James’ face.

*  *  *

The final week of September saw the start of the rains. At first it was quite nice. Remus always liked the first rains where he could furiously scrub the dirt from his skin and his hair. He’d felt brand new after all of that. He could see the pink of his skin again, the silver of his scars, rather than the dull grey-brown that normally covered him. His hair was even more exciting. It was still terribly matted and knotted but it felt lighter on his shoulders, even curling softly at the ends. He had delighted in once again seeing the color of it, another thing he hadn’t seen in a while.

The downpours of September continued past their welcome though, and Remus felt like a drowned rat. He was trying to focus on the positivity of cleanliness but he was starting to struggle. The Kneazle seemed to feel much the same as every time Remus saw it its ears were drooping and sad. 

Remus sat now with his thin blanket wrapped about his shoulders, not that it did anything to dispel the wet. He was glad that he tended to run a bit warm since he wasn’t as cold as he could be. He was sitting in the front corner of his enclosure again, a spot he had grown fond of. It was the closest to the Kneazle. The creature’s fur was drenched and it made the animal look much smaller with it plastered against its body. Remus realized that the Kneazle was also skin and bones like he was.

He leaned his head against the bars and stared blankly at the Kneazle. He didn’t have the energy to talk at it and the being didn’t seem to want to chirp at him either. He let out a sigh as the rain ran in rivers over his face and body. He tipped his head back and tried to be soothed by it. The rain almost felt like hands running gently through his hair.

“Remus.”

Not the voice. Not now. He wasn’t sure if he was strong enough to bear false comforts. He opened eyes against the rain and stared up at the grey miserable clouds. He was pretending that the rain was tears, a release like weeping would probably be good. He just didn’t have enough in him to manage that.

“Remus.”

“Oh shove off.” Remus grumbled, flopping onto his side to sleep.

*  *  *

Sirius tried to keep to himself after his encounter with James in Potions class. He spent the days alone when not in class. He would often just wander around with his hands in his pockets as he explored the castle. Hogwarts was an endless maze of rooms and secrets and Sirius was addicted to finding out as much as possible. It also made it hard for James to track him down and try to be nice to him.

Classes were a struggle for Sirius. Not because of the difficulty, though he couldn’t manage very well in History or Herbology. He still felt a war going on in his mind about what was expected of him and what he could manage. For now all he could manage was dragging himself down to dinner and towards the Slytherin table. He was stopped partway down the long aisle between tables by Professor McGonagall.

“Mr. Black.” McGonagall said, and Sirius was impressed at how tall the woman could seem just with a simple lift of her head.

“Professor.” He said, his voice sounding dull and sad.

“Do I need to remind you, Mr. Black, that you were sorted into Gryffindor house, not Slytherin?”

Sirius shook his head.

McGonagall gave a small flick of her hand and whispered the word “Muffliato.”

Suddenly they seemed to be in their own little bubble of sound, like a cushion of air was in between them and the rest of the Great Hall. Murmurs were distant.

“You can speak without worry of your cousins overhearing us.” McGonagall said and her voice was much kinder than it had been moments before. “I understand you are feeling a great deal of pressure, Mr. Black. However as head of Gryffindor house I do want to encourage you to try and sit with your housemates more often.”

Sirius looked up at the Professor and bit his bottom lip. When he didn’t speak McGonagall continued.

“It's my understanding that you have spent nearly every meal here sitting with your cousins.”

“Am I in trouble?” Sirius asked

“No, Mr. Black.” She said patiently. “You are allowed to sit with your cousins. I just want you to know that your time here at Hogwarts is a time for self discovery. These hallowed halls give students a time to learn, yes, but also a time to grow within themselves. To make friends. To look beyond what they think they know. I would encourage you to spend this time expanding your worldview.”

Sirius looked up at McGonagall with furrowed brows. “So...You want me to sit at the Gryffindor table more?” He asked, not really understanding the depth of the adult’s words.

McGonagall looked slightly disappointed for just a moment before squaring her shoulders and giving a nod. “Let's start with that, Mr. Black. Dinners at your own house table.”

Sirius nodded “Yes, Professor.” He mumbled, knowing that Bellatrix wouldn’t like this one bit.

Professor McGonagall flicked her wrist again and the Muffliato spell dissipated. Sirius looked towards where Bellatrix and his cousins were waiting expectantly for him. He put his head down and followed McGonagall over towards the Gryffindor table instead. She placed a steadying hand on his shoulder and gave it a small squeeze before leaving him to go to the head table. Sirius sat down heavily near the end of the table. He could see James trying to catch his eye to wave him over, but he thought it best to sit alone to avoid Bellatrix’s full wrath. He had barely sat for a minute before he felt someone sit on the bench beside him. He looked over and was shocked to see Andromeda there. She smiled over at him brightly.

“Thought I might join you. Wow the hall looks different from this point of view.” She said in her delicate voice. Andromeda looked about them, tossing her head over her shoulder to look towards the Slytherin table. Sirius turned his head and shrunk down when he saw Bellatrix and Narcissa glaring over towards him.

“Ignore them.” Andromeda said, turning back around. “Bella is just in a bad mood about studying for N.E.W.Ts.”

“I’m sure she’ll place fine.” Sirius said noncommittally. It was the proper thing to say, and so he said it.

“I’m sorry about her, Sirius.” Andromeda said “She just never thinks for herself. She only cares about what mother and father want. Narcissa is much the same, I fear. It's such a drag, honestly. I know how much Bella can wear on you over time. And you’re so young still.”

Sirius rubbed at his ear and dragged some hair over it to hide the blushing top. He hated being called young. He knew eleven was young but he was almost twelve. Andromeda was seventeen though, and Sirius had to admit to himself that that was quite grown up. She probably did know much more than him.

“Mother wants me learning from Bellatrix.” Sirius said, glancing at Andromeda before starting to put food on his plate. He didn’t feel so nervous about eating when he didn’t have Bella glaring at him. Andromeda and Bellatrix looked so alike, but Andromeda looked at him like he was a person and Bella looked at him like he was a slug. It made a difference to his ability to eat when his stomach wasn’t clenched all up in knots. 

“Ah. I thought that might be the case.” Andromeda nodded. She pulled a ribbon off her wrist and quickly tied up her black bushy hair before delicately serving her food. She wielded her fork and knife like a trained aristocrat and her back stayed ramrod straight. Her pale wrists were delicately poised as she began to cut up her food. Sirius recognized the familiar Black family etiquette training in every move she made. Even lifting her fork to her mouth was an unconscious show of saying how much better she was than anyone else in the Hall. 

“Bloody Stellar!” She said as she chewed her food and Sirius almost spit out his drink to hear his cousin swear and use Muggle slang all in one moment. He stared at her with wide eyes and Andromeda laughed. “Oh you probably think I’m just as uncreative as Bella and Cissy, don’t you?”

“You’re not?” Sirius asked “But you’re always so quiet at family gatherings and you just do whatever Bella says and-”

Andromeda laughed and nodded “Sometimes it's easiest to go along with Bellatrix during the meals. Honestly she’s such a bore. Like she never manages to have a singular bit of fun. Cissy at least has that stuffy boyfriend of hers. He’s such a prat though.”

Sirius continued to stare. He had never heard Andromeda talk so much. When she came for Christmas she had always been tucked away in a corner reading a book. Sirius had secretly thought of her as his favorite but that was simply because she lacked all the antagonizing tendencies that her sisters had. He hadn’t actually ever thought of his cousin as having a personality. 

“So, Sirius, tell me how you’re getting on. I’ve been dying to know. How is Gryffindor? I’m insanely jealous.”

Sirius choked yet again on his food. “You’re jealous?”

“Yeah of course. I think it's absolutely out of sight that you got sorted into another house! And Gryffindor to boot! Made any friends yet?”

Sirius tried to gather himself. He took a careful sip of his tea and a few bites of food before answering. “I like Gryffindor.” He admitted ever so quietly. “Everyone is nice. I mean I’ve been trying to stay unattached to them like mother wants. I know I’m the heir so I need to keep up with my duties before anything else. Still Gryffindor isn’t as horrible as I thought it was going to be. I like the tower.”

“Sirius.” Andromeda looked at him kindly. “Do you always do what your mother wants?”

Sirius nodded slowly.

“Did you ever think...you don’t have to do that?”

“Andromeda I don’t think we should talk about stuff like that.” Sirius said, feeling like somehow Walburga was going to hear him. His anxiety these days had him scared of every little failure.

“You can call me Andy. That's what all my friends call me. Look, Sirius, I know how shocking it is to come to Hogwarts. It's a really big deal, yeah? And you got absolutely walloped with shock by getting sorted into Gryffindor. I bet there is a ton of pressure on you right now and that sucks.”

“But the thing is, Sirius, your mother isn’t here.” Andromeda continued. “I’m telling you this because it took me until halfway through third year to figure it out. I want you to get a headstart on it all. Dear Auntie Walburga can’t see a damn thing you do, Sirius. Do you think my mother knows I talk like a Muggle and am dating someone who isn’t a pureblood?”

Sirius’ mouth popped open but Andromeda talked on as if this wasn’t the most shocking thing yet.

“And I have it a touch harder since both my sisters go here and they haven’t figured it out yet, bless ‘em. So you just need to chill, yeah? Make some friends, cause some trouble, be an eleven year old boy for a bit. Not the heir of the bloody noble and bloody ancient and bloody boring House of Black.”

Sirius nodded dumbly. He was starting to think McGonagall had said much the same to him moments ago, just not as cool as Andromeda was saying it. Andromeda smiled and reached out to pat his head.

“You’ll be alright. I gotta dash, I’m meeting Ted out by the greenhouse. Just think about it. Sirius is supposed to be the brightest star in the sky, right? Don’t let them dull you down.”

With that Andromeda popped up and was heading out the door. Sirius saw her joined by a Hufflepuff boy which must have been this Ted character she was talking about. He had gotten his cousin completely wrong. She was far more than he had ever assumed. She’d managed to have a life outside of the Black Family and it seemed to have started here at Hogwarts. McGonagall had said something similar and the two bits of advice were starting to puzzle together in Sirius’ young mind. Was he brave enough to manage it though?

“So who was that?” James asked as he plopped down across from Sirius’. Apparently he’d gotten tired of waving at him from down the other side of the table.

“My cousin.” Sirius said in a daze.

James’ smiled brightly. He seemed to have recovered from Sirius' rejection the last time they had spoken. “She looked all stuffy. Do you all eat your food all prim like that?”

Sirius laughed and nodded. “Um yeah. We all get these etiquette lessons.”

James scrunched his nose up and shook his head. “Sounds like a drag. You know sometimes at home we just eat with our hands most of the time. Using bread to pinch, like. Well dad uses a fork but he gets the shakes sometimes.” James mimicked a pinching motion with his hands. “Traditional Indian and all that. Way more fun than forks and knives, honestly.”

“Go on, show me then.” Sirius said, relaxing for the first time in days. 

Walburga would have been horrified if she had entered Hogwarts over that dinner time. James managed to find a flatbread that was close enough to Naan and showed Sirius what he meant. Sometimes using the bread as a utensil and other times simply pinching the food with just his fingers. It was still a bit different since most of the food at Hogwarts was decidedly more magical than what James was used to. Still Sirius had to agree with his friend, eating with your hands just made everything taste much better. It was far more fun and Sirius was finally smiling again. Plus he was learning things that he knew he wouldn’t get to learn in a classroom setting. He found himself laughing uproariously with James as he accidentally dropped some of his dinner onto his lap. James assured him he just needed to loosen up, practice, and it would be cleaner next time. In the middle of his laughter he glanced towards the head table and caught Professor McGonagall smiling at him and James. She gave him a smooth nod and he grinned back before James pestered him to try his hands again.

*  *  *

The Kneazle wasn’t moving. Remus stared out of his cage with a blank look. He had been staring at the Kneazle for several hours now. It wasn’t moving. Hadn’t been moving all that time. He thought it was late September or maybe into October now. He wasn’t entirely sure but he knew the Moon was close. He could feel the deep ache in his bones.

The Kneazle lay still as the rain continued to pour. It had been days of the rain drumming down on the caged duo. Maybe the Kneazle had gotten too cold, even Remus was shivering now. Perhaps it had drowned from the sheer quantity of water drenching them. Its body was lying in a puddle, its once beautiful fur was sodden and sad.

Maybe it had just given up and decided death was easier. Remus would forgive his friend for leaving him if it was that.

Remus was all alone again.

*  *  *

Sirius and James were stretched out on the carpet of their dorm room. They should have been studying but instead they were flipping through the latest Seeker Weekly together, and talking about the coming Quidditch season. James was especially excited about it all and Sirius liked listening to his friend talk excitedly about getting to try out for the team next year.

“You should try out with me, Sirius!” James said as he paused on a page in the magazine that showed all the latest broom models.

“Might do.” Sirius said with a shrug “I was planning to try out for the Slytherin team with my brother. But I guess I can be a beater on the Gryffindor team just as well.”

James’ eyes lit up and he grinned at his friend. “That's perfect! We can train together over the summer maybe. Wouldn’t that be swell?”

Sirius smiled and nodded eagerly. He bet he could convince his mother to let him see James’ this summer. After all, James was a pureblood. He might not be the exact sort that Walburga would want him hanging with, but it was close. 

Sirius had been trying to assimilate himself better into Gryffindor house. He said yes when people asked him to sit with them at dinner and he engaged with his classmates. It was making his time here far more enjoyable. He still attended lunch with Bellatrix but he had decided he would just skip out on breakfasts entirely so he could avoid his cousin. She wasn’t happy about it but Sirius found he was more interested in himself being happy right now. Now that his mood was stabilizing, lifting even, he found himself thinking about Remus a lot.

He needed to start going to the libraries in his free time so that he could plan more. He felt guilty for wasting an entire month feeling sorry for himself when his dear friend was literally locked in a cage. Walburga had told him he was a selfish boy. Maybe that was true. 

Sirius had still been receiving letters from his mother every three days. Sometimes they hurt him badly, other times he was able to set them aside and not think about them so much. He’d gotten one this morning and had stared down at it for barely a moment before ripping it in half without reading it. Andromeda’s words were worming their way into his heart and soul. He didn’t have to listen to mother while he was here. While he was here he was free.

“-And of course we’re going to work really well as a team. Peter won’t join but he knows tons about Quidditch. I’m trying to convince him to try out for the announcer job.” James said. Sirius had completely fogged out and he hadn’t realized his friend was still talking. “We should go shopping over Christmas in Diagon Alley, yeah? Maybe get some of these new flying gloves.” James tapped the page. Sirius nodded but he was just looking at James’ profile.

“Hey James?” He asked hesitantly

“Yeah?”

“You know that thing you said about talking?” Sirius said slowly. 

James looked over and looked a touch crestfallen. “You mean me and my rambling? Am I being too much?”

“No!” Sirius said quickly. “I only meant, well, the rule you said you had with your mother. The one you said you wanted to have with me?”

James nodded. “Mhhmm, I remember?”

Sirius took a breath “Could we maybe have that rule?”

James broke into a massive smile and tackled Sirius over into a hug. Sirius laughed and shoved his friend off of him. “I’ll take that as a yes, then.” Sirius said. He felt a weight lifting from his chest. Then he rolled over onto his side to face James, and began talking about his mother.

*  *  *

Remus lay bloody and bruised after the Full Moon. He laid in the damp wet that had become the bottom of his cage, stared up at the rain, and felt like giving up.

Chapter Text

Sirius’ free time in October was spent split between the library and the Quidditch stands. The season didn’t officially start until the first Saturday in November, but that fact didn’t seem to phase James. Peter and Sirius tagged along as their eager friend dragged them to sit in the stands and watch as the Gryffindor team practiced. They would bring their homework with them and spread out, using the stands as desks and sitting on the worn planks. Sirius had to admit it was a bit more bearable to do the homework when the sun was high and the Quidditch banners were flapping in the wind.

Still sometimes he found himself stretching out on the benches instead, shucking his robe and tie and laying out in the last sunshine of the season. He thrived on sunny days. He would lay there and listen to Peter and James chatter on about Quidditch. James was right, Peter was like an encyclopedia of Quidditch knowledge. Sirius wondered sometimes if perhaps Peter had learned all of that just to be able to talk with James, it seemed so far that it was the biggest thing they had in common. Perhaps Sirius was still a bit bitter and cold towards Peter for nearly landing in Slytherin though.

On days when it rained or Gryffindor wasn’t practicing, then Sirius was in the library. He had never read so much willingly before, but this was for Moony. He pulled down book after book on potions and spells. He went through parchment after parchment writing down ideas that may or may not work. Sometimes he felt like he was writing in circles.

At first he looked at spells like Bombarda and Confrigo to blow the cage apart but those were not taught until fourth year and he was still worried that using something like that would cause more damage to Remus than anything. He thought maybe he could find a good spot to practice them if it came to that though.

Next he looked at spells for digging through things. Maybe there was a way to dig down through the pavement and then up into Remus’ cage? He found one or two spells that talked about this but he thought they might take a really long time. Speed seemed like it was going to be important. And quiet. Though maybe he could master that Muffliato spell that McGonagall had used earlier. Then he could muffle the area and dig a big hole? 

He even wrote up a parchment on figuring out how to transfigure the bars of the cage into some sort of flesh and then stealing a bunch of the flesh eating slugs that always seemed to be in the greenhouse. Only that plan seemed like it might cause his hands to get pretty bitten up. More than that it was pretty gross sounding. And who knew how long slugs took to eat through flesh anyways? That parchment had ended up shoved down to the very bottom of his bag, covered in crossed out scribbles.

Many times in the library he found himself groaning and dropping his head against the desk. Today was one of those days. James found him there, with his forehead resting against the gutter of a book. When Sirius’ lifted his head to greet his friend James’ giggled.

“You have a red line down your face.” James’ said, tracing a finger down his own face.

Sirius rubbed his hands over his face and scrunched his nose to try and make it go away. “I was just about to fall into a very nice nap.”

“Homework not going well?”

“Um. This isn’t homework.” Sirius said. Had he finished all his homework? He couldn’t be sure. Maybe there was that stupid Herbology paper still....Goodness he was tired.

“What's all of this then?” James gestured to the mess that Sirius had created on his little study table.

“My mother likes me to study extra.” Sirius lied quickly. “About everything.”

“Walburga the witch.” James said sagely.

Sirius tilted his head. “Well yeah. We’re wizards, she’s a witch.”

“I was using the Muggle form of the word.” James’ said with a wink. “Means she’s evil.”

Sirius’ lips twitched into a smile. It was still odd to have someone know about his mother. He hadn’t told James’ everything. He had told his friend about the pressures and how angry she was that he hadn’t gotten into Slytherin. He explained how Bellatrix was supposed to watch over him and that was why Sirius had to sit with her at lunches. He hadn’t told James’ about Silencio or the letters his mothers sent.

“Walburga the bitch.” Sirius whispered back, using a word he’d heard an older student using.

The swear felt delightfully bad on his lips and he couldn’t help but laugh afterwards. Another thing his mother would hate, and finding those things was starting to feel quite good. James laughed along with him.

“Mind if I sit here while you study?” James asked, plopping down a whole bunch of Seeker Weekly volumes. Sirius knew for a fact that James had already read each of those. Most were rumpled from being taken everywhere in James’ satchel. Plenty of the pages decorated the walls of their dorm.

“Nah feel free.” Sirius put his head back down to read.

They sat like that in amicable silence. Sirius idly flipped through spell books with his chin in his hands and James read his magazines. James had at one point pulled out a packet of Bertie Botts and the two boys would occasionally pop one into their mouths as they both read.

“Cherry.”

“Grass.”

“Dust”

“Blegh, Black pepper!” James scowled, scrubbing at his tongue. He sneezed a few times after.

Sirius could get used to this easy sort of friendship. It was almost like how it was at home with Regulus. James Potter was already becoming like a brother to him and it astounded him that anyone could be so good at worming their way into one’s heart.

“Hey this one seems fun.” James piped up after a long time. Sirius glanced up and saw that James was looking at one of Sirius’ open books.

“What?”

“This spell here. It makes someone burst into song. That sounds fun. Spell is Cantis.”

Sirius shrugged “I saw that. It's funny.”

“We should use it.” James said, and Sirius noticed a bit of sparkle in his eye.

“What do you mean exactly?” Sirius asked slowly.

James shifted to kneel on his chair so he could lean halfway across the table on his forearms. It was completely unnecessary since they were very much alone in this section of the library. Dramatic effect though. James spoke in a whisper.

“We should do a prank, Sirius. You’ve been studying way too much and the big game is coming up. Since this is the only year I can’t fly in it I want to bring the best bit of spirit to Gryffindor that Hogwarts has ever seen.”

Sirius was instantly curious and drawn in. “Okay. Yeah. So what did you have in mind?”

“First things first. We need to get really good at casting this singing spell. Let’s find Peter, he’s got a great singing voice!”

James hopped up. Sirius was quick to follow, shoving books in his bag and cleaning up his parchments. He could afford to spend one day off of studying to pull off some fun instead. They ran through the halls towards Gryffindor tower, dodging older students and using their small size to their advantage. The two boys burst into the dorm room and tossed their things onto the spare bed that had already become a dropping ground for anything and everything. The bed was covered in books and clothes and empty candy wrappers.

“Peter!” James crowed and both boys launched onto their friend’s bed where Peter was playing a game of cards by himself. The boy instantly looked up and between his two friends.

“Oh no.” Peter said, focusing on James. “I know that look. James you said you were going to not do pranks until you got on the Quidditch team next year! Remember?”

James grinned and winked at his friend. “Petey. I had my fingers crossed when I promised my mum that.”

Sirius looked over at James with his mouth open. Even James was hiding things from his mother and disobeying her? It seemed like everyone had figured out that trick before he had.

Peter seemed to give up slightly, his shoulders sagging. “What exactly is your big idea this time?”

“You’re gonna love it. It's got to do with Quidditch.”

Peter perked up at this curiously and then looked at them both for a few moments. “Alright. I give in.” He gave James a fond shove.

“You always do, Peter.” James said in delight. “Big pushover. Sirius, show him the spell.”

Sirius pulled open the book and put it in Peter’s hands. The blonde haired boy carefully read over it and a bit of realization spread across his features. “So a singing spell?”

James and Sirius eagerly nodded.

“At the Gryffindor versus Slytherin game?”

Both boys bobbed their heads up and down even faster.

“Well blimey, that’ll be quite good then!”

James clapped his hands and popped up off the bed and started pacing. “Okay so we’re going to need to start practicing. I figure we practice on each other a bit at first, you know? Get good at casting it.”

Peter groaned. “You mean casting it on me. ”

James smiled sweetly over at his friend “Petey you know I can’t carry a tune to save my life. It would be bad for all of us.”

“What about Black?!” Peter protested.

“Too dignified.” Sirius said seriously.

“Ah fine!” Peter threw up his hands “But if I have to be the practice dummy then I want to be the one choosing the song.”

“Deal.” James and Sirius said together in unison.

James continued pacing. “We’re also going to need to cast this in a wide range. Um...anyone know how to do that?”

The three boys all looked at each other and shrugged.

“We’ll figure that out later.” Sirius said, with perhaps a bit too much confidence in their admittedly limited magical abilities. 

Sirius was glad to have a plan for something in his life. With the Remus rescue up in the air and with the impending doom he felt whenever he thought about his family it was nice to have something to work towards that was pure fun. Besides, Andromeda had told him he needed to act like he was an eleven year old boy, and in a month he would be twelve! He had mischief to catch up on!

*  *  *

“You spend an awful lot of time with Potter and Pettigrew.” Bellatrix told him at lunch sometime in mid October.

“Yes well they are my friends.” Sirius said. He was getting better at managing to eat in her presence but it was still hard. Andromeda being around helped but today she wasn’t at lunch at all.

Bellatrix pursed her lips “While they are purebloods it's still a waste of time, Sirius. Gryffindors.”

“I’m a Gryffindor.” Sirius said, even managing to say it with far less self hatred than normal. 

“Your mother will be so displeased when I tell her about this.”

“Bella.” Sirius said sweetly “Did you ever think that you don’t need to do everything your mother says?”

It was the exact thing Andromeda said to him but of course it had a different effect on his cousin. Her eyes went dark and dangerous and she even lifted her wand dangerously towards his face.

“Careful I don’t shut you up, Sirius.” She hissed. Sirius’ shred of bravery vanished with that threat and he hunched his shoulders. Of course mother had told Bellatrix how to hurt him the most. 

“Sorry, Bellatrix.” He mumbled and his cousin gave a satisfied nod.

*  *  *

Sirius walked into the dorm room to find Peter beautifully singing a song about toads. He sat down on the carpet and watched James’ wand work. “Well now that's pretty good. It's got the volume we were missing last night.”

As if to attest this the boys heard someone yell up from the common room to shut up. James let the spell end and Peter reached for a glass of water to freshen up his throat. Peter gulped the glass down before looking contemplative.

“I wonder if there would be a way to stop all the taps in the dungeon.” He mused out loud. “This singing makes you thirsty.”

James’ eyes lit up. “That's brilliant, Peter! I know we could probably manage a freezing spell on the pipes. Sirius?”

Sirius thought about it for a few moments. “I know some.” He admitted. He had been practicing some freezing spells out by the lake. He thought maybe he could do some sort of thing where he froze the bars of the cage and then shattered them. “I bet I could handle that bit of it while you two are at the pitch. I wouldn’t want either of you to miss the game and I can catch the later half.”

James gave him a big thumbs up and Peter took a seat on his bed to properly catch his breath. James rummaged through the amassed pile on the spare bed and took out a pack of licorice wands, tossing one each to his friends before biting into his own and sitting on the floor.

“How are the lyrics coming, Petey?”

“Good. I’ll have them finished by the game for sure. Before then.”

“This is going to be the start of a very good career, boys.” James said, putting his arms behind his head as he laid back on the ground.

Sirius agreed fully. He had been amazed at how well they had worked together on this. None of them had advanced training yet but they had cobbled together what they were good at and managed something. Sirius thought of the parchment shoved in his bag that detailed a thousand ideas that weren’t good enough to save Remus. He looked between Peter and James. He felt certain that if he told them they would help him think of a plan. They were so good and loyal. But would they help a werewolf? He thought of Regulus and the ingrained hatred in him. James and Peter might be two Purebloods willing to hang about with halfbloods and mudbloods, but did that extend to half breeds?

Thinking of Regulus made Sirius also think of the time when Remus had yelled at him. It wasn’t all a big game. Would Remus hate him if he brought James and Peter in on it as if it was a game? But it wasn’t a game to Sirius! He was taking it very seriously. He just needed help. He chewed on his licorice wand and thought hard. It should really be Remus’ decision whether or not James and Peter knew. If Sirius couldn’t come up with a plan on his own by Christmas then he would talk to Remus and involve them.

*  *  *

There was a brief paused in their prank planning as Halloween came around. The boys were so excited for the holiday and for their first Halloween feast at Hogwarts. The atmosphere of the castle was certainly suitable for this time of year. Already the walls hung with mystery and shadows clung to the hallways. If there was anywhere that gave off a haunted aura it was Hogwarts. The well known ghostly residents were one thing, of course, but it was the ghosts and ghouls that danced in Sirius’ imaginative young mind that made the season truly exciting. It was still fun at his age to imagine things that might haunt the halls when they were all in bed. As long as he also imagined that they couldn’t possibly enter the cozy dorm room he shared with his friends.

The weather aided the spooky atmosphere of late October. The leaves blew off the trees in big gusts and the Black Lake never seemed to be still. There was rain too, pounding against the old glass windows and further stirring the mind. The wind howled through the courtyards and raced up the towers. Sirius had been growing out his hair ever since he had gotten here. The wind tugged at his curls whenever he walked across the lawn. He loved it, it felt like he was flying.

Decorations were starting to pop up around the castle, pumpkins and fall themed things. McGonagall had a figurine of a black cat on her desk and enchanted cobwebs hung from corridor ceilings. Everywhere students seemed to be excitedly talking about the coming parties that were sure to happen on Halloween and the weekend. 

Sirius had never really gotten to celebrate a proper Halloween. He and Regulus used to spend the holiday pretending to read in the window nook of Sirius’ room. They would squish in together and watch as Muggle children outside went door to door with their parents. They would be dressed as monsters or characters or anything in between. People would give them candy. Of course the Muggles couldn’t knock on the door to 12 Grimmauld Place, they couldn’t even see it, but Walburga wouldn’t have given them anything anyways. He and his brother had still liked the day though. It was a bit of excitement in their otherwise dull lives.

Getting to celebrate was going to be extra exciting though and he was ready to spend the entire day in the Gryffindor common room for the party. He’d started to really enjoy socializing with people in his house, though he still found the need to hover at James’ side. His friend pushed him, but never too much. Sirius was determined to get up proper courage someday but he was still unlearning quite a lot. At least he was better about it than Peter.

“Do people dress up here on Halloween?” Sirius wondered as they all sat in the Great Hall for dinner. The ceiling depicted a foggy night with a Full Moon and Sirius thought of Remus.

“I asked one of the older kids.” James said “Some people do. Some people don’t. I think more people don’t, but it's kind of a free for all. I think a lot of the people with Muggle parents would dress up. Oi, Evans!” James leaned over and yelled down the table.

“Do you think my first name is ‘Oi’?” Lily called back “Its all I ever hear before ‘Evans’”

Marlene and Mary laughed from where they were sitting beside Lily. Dorcas gave her friend a proud pat on her back. Lily just looked genuinely annoyed. James shrugged his shoulders and gave her a charming grin.

“Miss Lily Evans. Would you be so kind as to tell me whether or not you are planning to dress up for the occasion of Halloween?” James said in a stilted voice. Sirius thought for a moment that perhaps James was using a bit of Sirius’ posh accent to tease Lily.

Lily rolled her eyes. “Why are you asking me this, Potter?”

“Uh. Well...You have Muggle parents?”

“I do.”

“And...Muggles dress up for Halloween.”

“They do.”

Sirius could see James was walking into some sort of girl trap but he couldn’t tell what it is either.

“So I was wondering-”

Lily gave an annoyed sigh. “Not that my blood has anything to do with it, James Potter, but yes I will be dressing up for Halloween. Because it's fun. Not because I’m muggle born.”

James blushed and adjusted his glasses. “Right then. That's all I was asking. I guess I shouldn’t have brought up the muggle thing?”

Lily glanced at her friends briefly before looking at James and then at Sirius. “It's just it always gets made about blood here, doesn’t it? I’m muggle born so I must be the only person to do traditional muggle things. But that's not true. Plenty of students are dressing up that weren’t raised by non-magical people. It's just so weird you wizard-born folk need to make everything about what's in my veins.”

James nodded quickly and held up his hands. “You’re right. Absolutely. I didn’t mean it like that. I won’t phrase it like that next time.”

Lily looked at him with a little smile. “I’m going as a cat. I’ve always wanted one.”

“Sweet!” James seemed happy to be on solid ground again. “I’m going to go as something too! Just haven’t thought of it yet.”

Sirius was still busy thinking about Lily’s words on blood. It mattered so much in his world. But it did seem rather silly now as Lily pointed it out. Besides he already sort of knew that being pureblood didn’t actually make you better at magic. Because he struggled in some classes that other students with “lesser blood” did better in. It seemed quite obvious that that belief wasn’t founded on any real fact. So how come it dictated not just his life, but the lives of everyone at this school?

*  *  *

“Bellatrix.” Sirius got up the courage to talk to his cousin just a few days before Halloween.

“Yes?” his cousin sounded annoyed. Probably because Sirius had come all the way down to the dungeons and disturbed her.

"I was hoping I could ask you some questions.” Sirius said, talking in his best polite voice. He had a book and parchment tucked under his arm.

“Fine.” She said before he was admitted into the Slytherin common room. Sirius looked about the dark room with its dark and imposing furniture. It already reminded him of 12 Grimmauld Place. There was a strange sickly light filtering in at the back half of the room and he swallowed as he realized there were skylights there, but skylights that looked up into the lake. How horrible. He would have hated that. He was very grateful to have the bright and comfortable Gryffindor common room. Bellatrix led him over to sit at a couch in the corner. His cousin just turned her head and gave him this unnatural stare, not saying a thing. Sirius realized this meant he was supposed to speak.

“I wanted to ask about blood purity.” He said, trying to stop his voice from shaking. “And why purebloods are...better.”

Bellatrix looked at him coldly. “I am sure your mother has talked about this. Aunt Walburga is very good at the topic.”

Sirius swallowed and looked down at his parchment. He had written down a few questions but they were hard to read now he was so nervous. “But she never explained why.”

“It's in our blood, Sirius.” Bellatrix snapped. She was twisting a lock of dark hair around her finger.

“Okay but how? How is it? Nowhere does it say that magic is infused within blood so then-”

“The House of Black is part of the sacred twenty-eight.” Bellatrix said. “We are some of the last truly pure blooded magic users around. Even your friend Potter is part of a blood traitorous family, beginning to muddy the lines. Soon enough the Potter line won’t be considered pure.”

Sirius opened his mouth to defend James, but Bellatrix’s rant continued.

“And the majority of students admitted these days are not of pure blood. Honestly it's a disgrace to what magic is. It's been so embarrassing having to study side by side with these mudbloods. I’ll be thrilled to graduate and work with proper witches and wizards. Those who know how powerful we purebloods truly are.”

Sirius felt like his hands were shaking. Bellatrix sounded utterly unhinged and he wasn’t really getting an answer to his question. She hadn’t said how pure blood made somebody better at magic. Sirius was trying to gain all the information he could, all the facts, but it seemed that this side of the argument didn’t really have any backing to it.

“So…” He began slowly. “It's all just tradition then? There isn’t really a reason that purebloods claim to be better. It's just old traditions. But that seems so silly. If it's not based on-”

Sirius was silenced with a slap and his hand flew up to his aching cheek. “Shut your mouth. Don’t bring further disgrace to us.” Bellatrix stood and glared at him. "You are our heir, Sirius. You need to take things more seriously. We are purebloods. We don't need to question the why of our power. We are the first, the best, and that is how it will stay."

Sirius stood as well, taking a few steps back. “I should go.”

Bella tilted her head and twirled her hair again, watching him with that strange expression again. “One day you will get the proof you seek.” She hissed “One day you will see just how much better we are, dear Sirius. Someday soon.”

Sirius turned and bolted from the Slytherin common room. He didn’t stop running until he had reached his dorm room and dove under the covers of his bed.

*  *  *

On Halloween night Sirius dashed wildly up the steps of the dorm room and burst inside. “James come on!” He said eagerly “I want to go see how the hall looks for the feast!” 

“Give me a minute!” James hollered from the bathroom. 

“He’s been primping for ages.” Peter informed Sirius, also seemingly very impatient to go down to the hall. Peter was wearing all brown with a few haphazard black circles attached to his shirt.

“Uhhh, Petey?” Sirius said in confusion as he looked at his friend’s outfit. “Why are you dressed like that?”

“He’s my Bludger!” James strode out of the bathroom in full Quidditch regalia. Sirius looked at Peter again and scratched his head.

“I’m dressed as Antoni Flemx from the Gryffindor team back in the thirties! Can’t you tell? See?” James held up a beater bat that had a long string attached to the end of it. “I modified the bat to be just like his! He was awesome! They had to make up all sorts of rules and regulations because of his playstyle. Sirius you’re the one who wants to be a beater. I can’t believe you didn’t realize I’m Flemx!”

“Er, right. Sorry mate.” Sirius said with a shrug. He still didn’t get it really. All he knew was that James looked like a Quidditch player and Peter looked like an unfortunate mistake.

Sirius wasn’t going to dress up this year. He wanted to see what everyone else did and then next year he would think of something or other. Besides, next Halloween Bellatrix wouldn't be present at Hogwarts and Sirius would feel so much better without her creepy gaze constantly watching him. 

James, Peter, and Sirius all rushed towards the Great Hall together, talking excitedly about the party that was happening over the night after the feast. The castle seemed to be holding its breath in anticipation of the nightly festivities. Even the portraits that they passed seemed eager for the night. Stepping into the Great Hall caused all three boys to gasp out loud. The ceiling was enchanted to look like flickering storm clouds and there was even the sound of distant thunder echoing through the hall. Enchanted leaves blew through the pathways between the tables and floating jack o' lanterns joined the myriad of candles hanging in the air. The ghosts were in top form as well tonight, knowing that the children would find them properly scary on this day, spinning around in idle dances together through the air. Sirius knew he was grinning the wild grin his mother hated as they all three rushed to join the other first years at the Gryffindor table.

“What are you?” Dorcas blurted out immediately, looking at Peter.

The poor boy blushed and sat down. “I’m a Bludger.” He said, his voice a bit protesting.

Dorcas winced and looked over at James, seemingly knowing this was all Potter’s fault. She was kind though, giving Peter a thumbs up. “Yeah sure. Alright that's pretty cool then.”

“Who are you?” Peter asked, frowning at Dorcas' long flowing dress and layered fringed velvet shawl, sunglasses, and layered necklaces.

“Stevie Nicks.” Dorcas said easily, flicking her pink sunglasses up onto her fluffy hair. “Honestly I just pulled stuff from my closet last minute.”

“Who is that?” Sirius frowned. Dorcas looked at him and shook her head in disappointment.

“You purebloods really deprive yourselves sometimes. I’ll lend you a record.”

Sirius shrugged. He wanted to ask more but then Lily, Marlene, and Mary showed up. Marlene had chosen not to dress up and Sirius was glad he wasn’t the only one; even if Marlene got to wear the Slytherin tie and he didn't. Lily was wearing a very fluffy coat with cat whiskers drawn on her face and some handmade ears shoved on her head. Mary seemed to be dressed as a princess in a ball gown with a tiara. Sirius looked at all the girls and then at how Peter and James were dressed. It seems girls just came with way better clothing options.

“What are you?!” Mary said in horror as she looked at Peter.

“I’m a Bludger!” Peter said in protest, throwing up his arms in the air. It seemed this was going to be a repeat occurrence tonight.

The girls kindly hid most of their giggles for poor Peter. Lily looked over to James and tilted her head. “You’re just a Quidditch player? Not very creative, Potter.”

James blushed and shrugged. “You’re supposed to dress up as whatever you want on Halloween. I want to be a Quidditch player! Besides, one of the second year back ups on the Gryffindor team lent me her robes for the night. And I’m not just a random Quidditch Player. I’m Antoni Flemx!”

The entire table looked at him blankly except for Peter who was smiling and loyally nodding along to his best friend. James’ looked around the table askance.

“Come on guys! Antoni Flemx? He was a beater for Gryffindor. He used to tie a long string on the end of his bat and swirl it around his head when he flew? He would whack Bludgers clean out of the pitch with that move!”

“Watch out, Pettigrew.” Marlene said dryly, pulling a bunch of laughs from the group.

Peter puffed up his chest and looked over at James with a smile. “Well I know about Flemx. He’s awesome. It's the reason I’m fine looking like this for the night.” He gestured to his horrendous outfit. “James and I have been trying to get a Flemx card for our joint card collection for absolute ages. We’re channeling the Flailing Flemx tonight.”

James looked relieved to have Peter guard his back and he leaned over to hug his arm around him. “Knew I could count on you, Petey!”

Sirius found himself admiring Peter Pettigrew at that moment. Most of the time he viewed the other boy just as an add on to James’. Peter tended to stay a bit in the background compared to Jame’s exuberant rambling personality. Over the last few weeks Sirius had started to see why Peter and James were friends in the first place. More than that he had seen the mischievously cunning side that the sorting hat had picked up on to consider putting Peter in Slytherin. After all it had been Peter’s idea to expand their prank even further. Now Peter was showing why ultimately he had ended up in Gryffindor. His fierce loyalty to James’ and their friendship was admirable. Sirius didn’t think he himself would have willingly dressed to look like a piece of poop just to make James happy, but Peter had, and Peter didn’t mind.

The rest of the feast was a continuation of the fun. They all talked together and delighted in the many special holiday foods that were served. Sirius was particularly keen on the pumpkin pie that appeared directly in front of him and Dorcas. She just gave him that perfect dimpled smile, passed him a fork, and the two first years dug into the pie right off the platter. Sirius knew that mostly eating just pie for dinner was going to make him a bit sick, but frankly he was too excited to care. James still liked to make him try things and he found his friend’s hand constantly putting new tidbits on his platter for him to eat. Peter was focused on the turkey legs that were served, combining them with the candy that was also readily available. It was all just decadent and over the top and when it was finished they were all very satisfied.

“I’m dying in this coat.” Lily said, scratching at the fur collar rubbing at her neck. “Why did I think going as a cat was a good idea?”

“You know-” James spoke with his mouth full “You could have used magic. Done a hair growing spell and charmed ears onto your head.”

Lily looked at him in horror. “I’m not going to charm myself to be hairy, James Potter!”

James blinked and grinned. “Lack of commitment to the costume, Evans.”

Sirius snickered at that. Lily looked at James as if he was dumb as a brick. “I’m going to find Severus. He wanted to see my costume. He understood when I said I was making it all myself. It's part of the fun, Potter.” Lily stood and turned to go.

“Hey I made my bat!” James called after her, but Evans didn’t turn.

“She really doesn’t like you.” Peter observed quietly.

James moaned and plonked his head on the table. “I don’t know why. I always try!”

Dorcas reached out and ruffled up James’ disaster hair. “You try too much, James. Lily is a fan of genuine people. You come off super weird when you talk to her. Like you’re trying to get her to like you. She’s not dumb, she knows you’re trying it just because you suck at not being friends with people.”

James looked up sullenly. “Not true. I think Severus Snape is a slimy git and I wouldn’t be friends with him.”

“And there's her other problem.” Marlene said with a nod.

James just scowled. “One day we’ll be friends.” He promised the entire table. “Just wait!”

After that the band of first years excitedly made their way back to the Gryffindor common room. James had his arms slung around Sirius and Peter’s shoulder and was happily talking about Flemx and Quidditch. Sirius didn’t say anything, he just listened and let himself feel bolstered by the joy of the moment. In a few days he was going to be turning twelve years old. He was the oldest of their little trio and he was quite excited. He’d told James and Peter the other night that he didn’t want to do anything big for his birthday this year. He just wanted to spend the day hanging out together. For a boy that had never had friends before the last few months, this sort of thing was the greatest gift.

The Gryffindor common room was decked out in decorations. The older students that had done it were just finishing up with a few waves of their wands. There were false cobwebs and dangling streamers, low candlelight and a haunting record playing on the turntable. For the first years it was pure delight. The common room was full to bursting with Gryffindors either dressed comfortably or dressed in costume. All the years tended to form their own little pods of friend groups but of course James hopped over to mingle with some second and third years that he knew.

Sirius joined Lily and the rest of the girls a bit timidly. Marlene, despite not being in Gryffindor house, always managed to slip into the common room with all the other girls too. She seemed to know her spot and didn't care about the rules. Sirius stuck with this group because he didn’t really know too many other people and he wanted to be utterly comfortable for the whole night. Lily seemed to be completely over the itchiness of her costume and had let the joy of the party act as a balm. Sirius was a bit stunned when she pulled him into a dancing circle with the rest of the girls, but he threw back his head and laughed. Dorcas taught them a whole bunch of American dance moves and Sirius found that they were much more fun than the waltzes he had had to learn all growing up. 

The haunting classical record had been long since replaced by the latest wizard and muggle music and Sirius was thrilled. He rarely got to listen to music at home, it gave his mother headaches. If music was played it was wordless tunes. This music was bopping and fun and it infected every inch of Sirius. Dorcas had linked arms with him and was showing him how to do The Bump, which really was just bumping hips and breaking apart with laughter and bumping into other friends. A good bit of fun for the kids. James’ and Peter reappeared at one point and the gaggle grew.

Some time during the dancing James used the spongify charm on his beater bat and twirled it about his head, chasing down Peter the Bludger with a vengeance and whacking him with the spongy object. Peter of course responded in kind, grabbing up a pillow from the couch and whacking James right back. James eventually allowed himself to be dramatically defeated by the bludger and Peter looked quite pleased with himself.

The kids collapsed by the fireplace after the festivities, utterly exhausted and happy beyond belief. James hopped up and stole the candy bowl from the coffee table and the first years spread out on their stomach eating candy and chatting. Sirius found that Lily had shoved her homemade cat ears onto James’ head and he knew James wouldn’t take them off the entire night just to try and win points with the stubborn girl. He was positive Lily knew that as well.

It was one of the best nights of his life, just because it was pure and fearless. He really didn’t think about his family or his obligations. He only thought about his new friends and how much fun he was having. He fell asleep there by the fire surrounded by his friends. He woke up the partway through the night with his cheek pressed against the carpet. A kindly older student had tossed blankets over them all. James was rolled up against his side and Peter was sprawled on his back with his mouth hanging open and snores coming out. The girls were all gone except for Cas who had wisely moved to one of the couches. Sirius sat up and nudged all three of his friends. He managed to get them all up to the dorm. He just shoved everything off the forth bed so that Dorcas could crash there till morning. Sirius fell back to sleep thinking about how hopefully next year Remus could experience all the wonderful bits of Halloween.

*  *  *

“Happy Birthday, Sirius.” Andromeda said as she settled beside him on the bench of the Slytherin table.

Sirius gave her a nod and murmured a thanks. He wasn’t really in the mood to be celebrating his birthday. The Full Moon had happened and he was of course thinking about Remus. He felt guilty for having so much fun lately and not focusing enough on helping his friend. It wasn’t entirely true though, he still studied madly when he could. Just knowing Remus was probably in pain was enough to set his day off poorly though. He hoped his friend had managed to drink his healing draught.

He’d spent the morning sleeping in through potions class and then dragging himself to charms blearily. He’d accepted plenty of well wishes from the Gryffindor first years and now he was here, sitting with his cousins. He didn’t want to be doing this. Bellatrix hadn’t even wished him a happy birthday, though both Cissy and Andy had.

“Did your mother write?” Andromeda asked quietly.

Sirius nodded and gestured to the unopened letter beside his plate. “She did, yes. Birthday wishes, I assume.”

Sirius really wasn’t in the mood for this. He just wanted to be done with lunch. He was eating as quickly as possible without looking like a pig and getting in trouble. He was happy Andromeda had joined them but even his nicest cousin wasn’t as good as the chance to go hang out with James and Peter before transfiguration class. He saw a hand movement and saw Andromeda slipping Walburga’s letter into her pocket while Bellatrix was saying something to Narcissa. Sirius looked at his cousin in surprise and she just gave him a wink.

“Only good thoughts and words on your birthday, Sirius.” She said kindly. They both knew Walburga wouldn’t take a break in her scolding just because he had turned twelve.

He felt a weight lift from his shoulders now that the choice of reading the letter had been taken from him. What an unexpected relief. It was his favorite present he had gotten so far today.

“Thank you.” he said quietly.

The rest of the lunch passed stiffly with the four Black cousins making idle chatter that Sirius didn’t really care about at all. Eventually the bell rang and they all stood to leave. Bellatrix and Narcissa stalked away shoulder to shoulder without so much as a glance at Sirius. Obligation had made them do this stupid lunch. Sirius scowled at their backs and was about to go when Andromeda stopped him. She pulled a present out from her robes.

“Now that they are gone, here is a proper happy birthday.” She said brightly.

Sirius stared at the present in surprise. “Andy, you didn’t need to get me anything.”

“Sure, but I did. Go on, open it.”

Sirius nodded and sat back down so he could eagerly unwrap the present. Inside were shirts. He looked down at them and then back up at Andromeda. “These are muggle shirts.” He said, looking through the various band shirts that his cousin had wrapped.

“You’re always so prim and proper, Sirius. I figure you probably don’t have anything properly comfortable when you’re just hanging out in your dorm, right?”

“I just wear this.” Sirius said, gesturing to his uniform.

Andromeda nodded knowingly. “Well these are comfortable and cool and you’ll make a bunch of friends if you wear them. You’ve got Bowie, Electric Light Orchestra, and The Beatles in there.”

“I don’t know any of those.” Sirius said in embarrassment.

Andromeda laughed. “Sirius, it's an age old tradition to wear shirts of bands you don’t know. Fake it till you make it, and don’t worry. This is part one of your present. The records for each of these bands are already upstairs in your dorm room. Those were a bit more precious and I didn’t want to risk Bella getting her hands on them.”

“You...You bought me records?” Sirius said, thinking of dancing on Halloween to the wonderful Muggle music. His eyes filled up with tears and he leaned forward to hug his cousin tightly.

Andromeda laughed and hugged him back “Alright don’t get all soppy on me. Chin up, we’re noble Blacks, right?” She teased “Run off to class. Enjoy your birthday.”

Sirius rubbed away his tears and nodded. He hugged the shirts to his chest before dashing off to class. He met James and Peter outside of Transfiguration and showed off his new clothes to them. James was particularly excited about The Beatles shirt and the promise that records were waiting for them upstairs.

Sirius and his friends managed to suffer through the rest of their classes before they were able to run freely up to their dorm. The records were there, waiting on Sirius’ bed with a small note attached. Sirius held them with shaky hands. The covers burst with color and life. He thought of his bookshelf at home in 12 Grimmauld Place. Each book was bound in dark leathers of green or black and emblazoned with decorative designs. They were uniform so that they matched Walburga’s color scheme. These records would never fit in there at all. He loved them for it. He excitedly looked at his friends. “Let's go listen to them.” He said.

The boys changed out of their uniforms in a flurry. Sirius tugged on some pajama pants and the new Bowie shirt. They all dashed downstairs to lay claim to the common room turntable before any of the older students got there. They needed have worried though. The second Sirius popped on The Beatles album the other students in the room seemed pleased.

“Nice one, Black!” A fourth year playing chess called. 

Sirius grinned over and gave the girl a thumbs up. The trio sat down on pillows stolen from the couch and listened to the album. The album was Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band. Sirius traced his fingers over the album cover as they listened to the songs. The cover showed a crowd of people with four people standing up front in bright colorful outfits. Those clothes looked more grand and fantastical than even the robes of Hogwarts and these people were Muggles! The songs were also magical and fantastical. Sirius laid back on the carpet and listened. James insisted they should listen to With A Little Help From My Friends about four times before they could go to the next track. Sirius didn’t mind, he quite liked that one too. He liked every single one of them, honestly, and he thought it was the most wondrous gift he’d ever received.

James and Peter eventually made him sit up and Sirius looked between them both. James smiled at Sirius “We got you a present. Hope you don’t mind that it's just one. We had to pool our money to get it.”

Sirius looked between them both “You did? You didn’t need to do that.”

Peter shook his head. “We wanted to. We thought it would be something you would want but your parents wouldn’t buy it for you.”

Sirius was curious now. James reached behind him and pulled out the wrapped package and handed it over. Sirius looked at his friends before unwrapping it. He stared down at the gift in amazement. He saw these popping up now around the school as the weather changed. He had asked a student about it and they’d told him that they could be purchased through the school or at Hogsmeade or Diagon Alley. Sirius had a Slytherin one at home that his mother had bought him last summer.

It was a Gryffindor scarf. A beautiful wonderful woven thing. It was gold and scarlet and emblazoned with the Gryffindor crest on the two ends. He looked up at his friends in awe. He knew these were expensive and they really must have spent a lot to get one with the crest on it too.

“But what about your cards?” Sirius asked breathlessly, knowing that Peter and James typically saved their allowances together to buy the latest Quidditch collector cards. They had a whole box.

James waved away the question easily. “Oh we can stop our hunt for one month. We needed to get you a proper Gryffindor wardrobe, right Peter?”

Peter nodded and stuck his tongue out at Sirius “Yeah do you know how embarrassing it would be to hang out with you if you weren’t wearing our colors?”

Sirius laughed at that and quickly wrapped the scarf around his neck. He felt joy blossoming in him at the gift. They were right, his mother would have never bought him this at all. She would hate that these colors were on his neck. Sirius did feel guilt still, tucked deep away in his chest, that he wasn’t wearing emerald and silver. Still he found that each day the guilt was slowly being replaced with pride.

The Gryffindor versus Slytherin game was held on November 6th 1971. It was a brisk and sunny day out on the pitch and the air was brimming with the excitement. This game always started off the season and the entire student body was eager. The rivalry between the two houses was well known and everyone loved watching them get their aggressions out on the pitch. 

James Potter was in top form during the entire day. A few hours before the game he seemed to be bouncing off the walls of their dorm. In fact he was bouncing between his bed and Peter’s. Peter kept being lightly jostled by this action but the boy didn’t look up. Peter was busy scribbling down words last minute.

“What rhymes with true?” He asked in distress

“Poo!” James declared loudly as he jumped back over to his bed.

Peter frowned for a moment before shrugging and writing something down. James paused in his jumping to look at Peter. “I thought you said you were going to have the lyrics done by now?”

Peter winced “That was before that History paper on the Soap Blizzard of 1378 took over all my time.”

“Let me see.” Sirius said, sitting down beside Peter and looking over his shoulder. “Wait! This is great! Peter, don’t change a thing!”

“Really?” Peter seemed surprised at being praised by Sirius.

James jumped over and sat on the other side of Peter and read it quickly. “Brilliant!”

“I think it's about time we began, yeah?” Sirius said quietly. His friends nodded back at him.

James held out his fist and the two other boys bumped their own fists against his. “Let's make this happen, lads.” James said seriously. “Show the school the very best house there is.”

Sirius smirked and nodded. “Yeah. Go go Gryffindor.”

The three boys split ways as they left the dorm. James and Peter headed towards the Quidditch pitch with the flow of the rest of the students whereas Sirius waited for most of the students to depart before he headed towards the dungeons. He would do his part and then rush to the pitch to see if James and Peter managed theirs. The dungeons were silent and empty. Every Slytherin was in the stands getting ready to cheer on their team. If it was a game against Ravenclaw or Hufflepuff perhaps some of the more dedicated students would be studying, but the game against Gryffindor was not a thing to miss.

“Bubbling Boils.” Sirius whispered before the entrance to the Slytherin common room. He had gotten this password when he had recently visited Bellatrix here. He hoped it still worked. He held his breath and watched as the stone wall vanished and he was in. 

Sirius was worried but determined. He started with the boy’s dormitories. With a simple Alohomora he was inside each room. Then he entered each and every bathroom and tapped his wand against the faucets and whispered “Glacius”. a crackling white frost leached from his wand and wrapped around the faucets, freezing them solid. Sirius had practiced this spell quite a lot but it was still amazingly fun to use it like this. Much better than freezing bits of the lake. He hurried on to the next faucet, and the next, and then he did all the same to the faucets in the girl’s dormitory. He got a special satisfaction over knowing that one of these faucets was Bellatrix’s, and a little guilty knowing one was Marlene's.

Once that task was done he left the dorms and ran helter skelter through the halls of Hogwarts and towards the Quidditch pitch. He managed to get there in record time. It hadn’t happened yet! The game appeared to be tied and both teams were playing hard. The stands cheered wildly as Slytherin made a goal, putting them in the lead. Sirius made his way under the stands, an area where they were not technically allowed, and towards where he knew James and Peter were.

“Heya boys!” Sirius said, popping out.

“Merlin’s beard!” James said, his eyes wide and his wand out. He heaved a sigh when he saw it was Sirius “I thought you were a teacher.” He whispered.

Sirius shrugged and joined them. “I figured I could lend you guys a hand with this part. Finished the dungeons. Went really well.”

James clapped him on the back and then turned to Peter. “Ready?”

Peter nodded and reached out and gripped James’ arm. Sirius in turn gripped Peter’s shoulder. In unison the two whispered “Magicus Extremos” and instantly Sirius gasped as he felt a sucking force in his chest. Peter seemed to feel it too but they both stayed firm. They were now acting as conduits to James. They had never really figured out how to make their spells be bigger so this had become their solution. Sirius had found the spell in his research and he found it wasn’t so hard to master. James could now borrow a bit of their strength.

James steadied himself before pointing his wand upwards. They were standing directly beneath the Slytherin side of the stands. James took a few steadying breaths before whispering the next spell.

“Cantis.”

A golden strand slid from James’ wand and drifted upwards. Sirius could swear he heard a singing voice sliding upwards with it. He felt the tugging on his chest grow stronger and he leaned a bit against Peter.

“The lyrics!” Peter said fiercely.

“Oh Bugger!” James said before quickly reciting the lyrics that Peter had composed. The golden strand swelled and spread along the bottom of the stands and then seeped upwards. James held his wand up a bit longer and then the spell settled. It didn’t seem to manage to reach all of the Slytherin stands, but for a bunch of first years it was rather well done.

When it finished James pried Peter’s hand off his forearm and the connection severed. The trio sagged against one another for a moment, catching their breaths after magic far stronger than they were, before laughing.

“We need to get up to Gryffindor stands.” Sirius said quickly. He grabbed James by the hand and tugged. James grabbed Peter. The three boys dashed quickly towards the Gryffindor side of the stadium. They pounded up the stairs to where all their friends were sitting.

“Why are you all looking like that?” Lily Evans said looking between the boys who were all flushed, sweaty, and quite pleased with themselves.

James shot her a wink. “Just watch, my dear friend Oi. You’ll see soon enough.”

Slytherin scored yet another goal and the Gryffindor stands booed. Then something happened. Across the way from Gryffindor the entire group of  Slytherins were standing upright and tilting their chins slightly towards the sky. Then, as one, they sang out clearly.

“Oh Bugger!”  

The Slytherins sang the simple phrase unwillingly yet in perfect tune. Peter nudged James hard in the side but James just shrugged. There was a long pause of confusion and a hush and then the Slytherins burst out into further song.

“Go go Gryffindor! Go go Gryffindor!

Sock those snakes then give them more!

Loyalty, bravery, friendship true!

Slytherin house stinks of poo!

Go Go Gryffindor! Go Go Gryffindor!

Lions roar will shake your core!

Slimy snakes will shiver and quake!

They have made their last mistake!

Go Go Gryffindor! Go Go GRYFFINDOR!”

The Slytherins belted out the lyrics written by three first years across the entire Quidditch pitch. The game almost came to a complete standstill as the singing occurred. Gryffindor house was losing their minds with the brilliance of it all. James, Sirius, and Peter all whooped loudly and cheered for their success. Lily shook her head and then laughed, leaning over to hug Sirius tightly. The Gryffindor team let out a wild cry before throwing themselves back into the game with fervor. The Slytherins, having recovered from the Cantis spell, all seemed confused and frustrated and a dull murmuring came from their stands. Gryffindor scored. Once. Twice. Again. Then there was a massive roar from the Gryffindor stands as the snitch was caught, sealing Gryffindor the first win of the Quidditch season. Sealing the first win for the trio of pranksters as well. The Slytherins would later rush in embarrassment towards their dorms, their throats parched from the use of the spell, only to find no relief as all of the taps were entirely frozen and would need to be melted before they got the relief of a drink. For the next several weeks Gryffindors would sing the new house chant in the halls whenever they passed a Slytherin student.

As the team celebrated on the pitch, spinning in circles in the beautiful late fall day, Gryffindor continued to cheer. Sirius roared along with the rest of his housemates, belting so loud that his throat wound be sore for hours the next day. “Go! Go! Gryffindor!”

Chapter Text

Snow fell across Hogwarts campus only a couple days after the Slytheirn versus Gryffindor game and it stuck. The castle looked lovely in the snow but Sirius didn’t love the cold so much. He was grateful for his new scarf which stayed about his neck whenever he had to endure the cold. He spent his studying time now tucked in an armchair in Gryffindor common room by the fire. Peter and James would join him oftentimes and he found himself envious of their games of exploding snap or wizard’s chess.

Sirius couldn’t slow down though. He was going to be going home for Christmas break very soon and he wanted a plan for how to get Remus out. He did have several plans now that he thought were decent. They would all be hard, but he would manage. He practiced the Muffliato spell most of all. It didn’t always have the best success rate for him.

He also had to spend some time studying for his actual classes. It seemed that each class had a paper due before the break and Sirius’ hand was cramping up with all the writing he was doing. He told himself that he was never going to study so much again. Once Remus was here he fully intended to do the bare minimum.

Turning in his papers in each class before break was a relief off of his chest. He was especially glad to be rid of the Herbology one. Then he could properly appreciate the way the castle looked right now. There were trees about, decorated with baubles and glittering charms and other decorations too. The Great Hall ceiling snowed as they ate, dissipating just over their heads. Sirius was almost a tad jealous for the students who got to remain here over the Christmas Break. They didn’t have to fear returning to face Walburga Black. They could sit beside the trees in the Great Hall, talking and sipping eggnog and eating christmas cookies. 

Sirius had found the first letter from Walburga under his bed while cleaning up his dorm before leaving. He had almost forgotten about the last line of it. He wouldn’t be just facing his mother this time around, his father wanted to speak to him as well. Orion was a distant figure in Sirius’ life and not a welcome one. They had limited interactions but Sirius couldn’t think of a single one that had made any sort of good impression on him. Orion seemed to exist only to scold the boys when they had truly gone bad. Other than that Sirius simply saw him at dinners, sometimes, or moving throughout the house reading his parchments. Sirius and Regulus were never to address Orion unless he initiated the conversation. 

Sirius crumpled up the letter and tossed it in the bin. He’d figure that out later. He looked about his dorm and frowned at how boring it looked now that they had cleaned it up a bit. They could still leave things here, as they would be returning after break, but the prefects had given them strict instructions to leave their dorms neat. James and Peter had already finished up their halves and Sirius was just finishing his, tossing the last of his things into his trunk to go home. He had to leave behind his muggle clothes, his Gryffindor scarf, and his precious records. He had tucked them all safely under his bed and found himself staring at them for a long while just in case they weren’t there when he got back. 

He slammed his trunk closed with a heavy sigh and James looked over at him with sympathy. Peter had left the room and it was just the two of them now. James came to sit over on Sirius’ bed and Sirius joined him.

“You don’t want to go home.” James said, looking over at his friend seriously.

Sirius shrugged. “I’m not sure. I want to see Regulus and I want to have a break from school. I don’t want to see my parents though. They’ll yell at me for the Gryffindor thing.”

“What about your brother?”

“I...I don’t know. I think we’ll be alright. We’re close. I don’t think he’ll be so mad. He might be though if mother has told him to do so.”

“I bet it’ll be okay. Brothers are close, yeah? Like us!”

Sirius smiled at that and nudged their shoulders together. “Like us, yeah mate.”

“Oh! That's right. Peter and I are going to go to Diagon Alley a few days after Christmas. Mum always pops a few galleons into our stockings.”

“Peter has a stocking at your mum’s house?”

James nodded with a big smile “Course he does. I have one at his too. It makes the day so fun. I get up first and I run down the street to the Pettigrews. His mum serves us breakfast and we do stockings. I watch Petey open his gifts. Then we run down to mine and my mum does lunch and we do it all over again! It's just the best! You’ll come one year too, of course. What was I saying again?”

Sirius laughed and shook his head. He was fond of James’ and his rambling. “Diagon Alley.”

“Right! Yes! We’re going around December the 28th. You should join us there. We’re going to get some Quidditch cards and look about.”

“I can do that. I’ll be missing you guys after a week stuck at home.”

“Perfect!” James popped up and grabbed his trunk off his bed. Sirius grabbed his own. Together they made their way down the stairs. The prefects had told them to leave their things in the common room, that it would all be taken to the Hogwarts Express. They were getting to ride the carriages out for the first time to get to Hogsmeade station. 

The trio headed outside together, James with his arms linked with both of theirs. They talked about the excitement of Christmas and how glad they all were to be having a break from classes. They hopped into the magical self-moving carriages and their conversation didn’t even halt at all. The closer they got to boarding the train the more nervous and uppity Sirius felt. As horrified as he was to be seeing his parents soon, he was also going to get to see Remus.

They had spent about three months separated from one another and Sirius was worried about the toll that would have taken on his friend. Every day that Sirius wrapped the warm Gryffindor scarf about his neck he thought about Remus and his bare chest and hoped that the stupid Menagerie owner had given him something warm. That was the first thing he was going to do when Remus was free, he decided, wrap him up in something really toasty. Remus had loved the blanket even though that horrible man had taken it away before long.

The train ride seemed endless and Sirius was lost in his thoughts. He watched the countryside pass as he listened to Peter and James talk together about what they wanted for Christmas. He was going to miss them. When the train pulled into the station it was easy to pick out the form of Walburga Black. She was standing ramrod straight beside her sister-in-law, Sirius’ Aunt Druella.

“Is that her?” James said, leaning his chin over Sirius’ shoulder. “She does look like a Slytherin, huh? Stick up the bum and all.”

Sirius looked over at his friend and let out a laugh. “Uhuh. She always looks like that. That's my Aunt Druella next to her. Suppose that means that my lovely cousins will be staying with us for Christmas through New Years. Lucky me.”

James patted him gently on the back. “Sorry, Sirius. I wish you could just come with Petey and I.”

Sirius wished that as well, but they both knew he couldn’t. The boys said their goodbyes in the train compartment, hugging tightly together in a clump. When they broke apart Sirius held out his fist and Peter and James bumped their hands against his own.

“Merry Christmas!” James said brightly. After their well wishes to one another they all clambered off the train. Sirius made sure he walked slowly and carefully over to his mother. He was joined quickly by his cousins.

“Sirius.” Walburga said smoothly with a perfect nod of her head.

“Mother.” Sirius said and then looked towards Druella. “Aunt Druella.”

His aunt didn’t even look at him, instead she stepped around him and towards her three daughters. Sirius put his head down. Walburga’s mouth twisted in displeasure at being embarrassed by her sister-in-law because of her son. Walburga’s hand clenched onto Sirius’ shoulder as she pushed him firmly towards the exit of the platform. 

“Not a word.” She said.

Sirius glanced up and saw James across the platform. His friend was reuniting with his own parents. They both looked bright and kind. Euphemia was knelt on the ground to hug James and his friend was laughing loudly and talking with his hands. Fleamont looked on fondly before patting his son on the head. Neither of them told James to quiet down or act a certain way. They even seemed to adore his glow. Sirius felt a curl of jealousy for his friend but shoved that away quickly. James deserved his happiness.

Walburga kept her hand tightly on his shoulder the entire walk off the platform, then she steered him towards the Floo exits. Within a few swirling moments he was stepping out into the drawing room of 12 Grimmauld Place and seeing the family tree spread across the walls before him. Walburga pushed him aside and Aunt Druella and his cousins stepped into the room moments later.

“To your room, Sirius.” Walburga said. 

“But mother I-”

“Now.”

Sirius twisted his lips and glanced over towards the family tree and stared at his own portrait for a few moments. He’d almost wondered if it would be different now, now that he was so different, but it just looked the same. He moved upstairs quickly, stepping into his old room and looking about. His things were somehow here already. Kreacher hadn’t unpacked them. He flipped the lid up and began doing it himself, putting everything away neatly even though he was only going to be here for two weeks. Mother would scold him if he didn’t. Funny how earlier he had felt so defiant and alive, now that he was around his mother again he just wanted to obey her.

Once his trunk was empty he had nothing to do. It was clear that his mother didn’t want him coming downstairs. He could hear faint talking and he assumed that his mother and Aunt were catching up on what the good Slytherin children had done with the start of the school year. Sirius went over and laid on his bed. He could go visit Remus. The thought entered his mind and he sat up quickly and stared over at his fireplace. His family would probably be busy for hours. Remus would want to know all his stories. Everything. Remus would also want to know about his plan and Sirius didn’t want the other boy to lose faith in him. He still just desperately wanted to see his friend. He got up and quickly changed out of his school uniform and into something a tad more casual. He wished he had his muggle shirts with him. He was about to go when the door popped open. He spun around in terror, only to see Regulus there.

“You’re back!” Regulus said and Sirius grinned. The two brothers rushed over to hug one another and Sirius could have sworn that Reg had grown even more.

“Mother didn’t say you were back. I was still in lessons.” Regulus said excitedly. “But then I saw Bella, Cissy, and Dromeda and knew you must be here too.”

Sirius was so relieved that Regulus seemed genuinely happy to see him. He’d been a bit terrified his brother would reject him too. “I don’t think I’m allowed to get my stinking Gryffindor hands all over the house.”

Regulus sighed and sat down on the floor, Sirius joined him. “Mother is mad about that.”

“I know. She wrote letters. I’m supposed to have a discussion with father about it.”

“Durmstrang.”

“What?” Sirius said in worry

“Mother and Father have been talking about transferring you to Durmstrang. I heard them.”

Sirius felt his heart begin to pound in his chest and his mouth felt dry. They couldn’t do that. He’d made friends at Hogwarts. He liked his classes well enough. He was starting to be comfortable. They couldn’t send him away to Durmstrang!

“I won’t go.” He said with a shaky voice. “I just won’t do it.”

Regulus looked at him sadly. “I don’t want you to go there either. I was excited to be at Hogwarts with you. Though that was when we were both going to be in Slytherin together.”

Sirius looked at his brother sharply. “So it does bother you? That I’m in Gryffindor?”

Regulus looked at him with wide eyes. “Yes of course, Sirius! Doesn’t it bother you?”

Sirius swallowed and knew the answer that his brother wanted him to say, but he couldn’t tell that lie anymore. “No.” He said softly. “No it doesn’t. It did, but it doesn’t so much anymore. I like Gryffindor. I have friends there.”

Regulus didn’t say anything and Sirius felt the pain of that sink in. His brother had seemed so excited to see him just moments ago!

“It doesn’t change anything, Reg.” Sirius said softly.

“Are you still going to be a beater?” Regulus asked, looking at Sirius very solemnly.

“Um. Yeah probably. Trying out with my friend James next year.”

“We were going to fly together. You were going to have my back.”

Sirius would have preferred it if Regulus was angry or sad. Instead he was frightfully calm for a young boy. It reminded him of Walburga’s calm cool. “Regulus I didn’t choose Gryffindor. I tried to get the hat to switch to Slytherin but it wouldn’t.”

“Yes but now you’re just going along with it!” Regulus said in frustration, his cool breaking “You promised me we were going to be at Hogwarts together!”

“Reg, we will!”

“It's not the same.” His little brother claimed “Who is James?”

“My friend!”

“In Gryffindor?” Regulus spat.

“Yes but he’s cool. Reg, you’d like him. He’s really into Quidditch.”

Regulus scowled and stood. “Mother is right about you.” He snapped and glared down at Sirius “That house is going to ruin you.”

Regulus stormed out of the room leaving Sirius on the verge of tears. He’d expected it from his parents, but not from Regulus. Still he knew that Regulus was hurting now. They’d said things to each other before that they hadn’t meant. That was all this was. They would be fine. Regulus needed time, just like Sirius had needed time. He pulled himself to his feet with the intention of now going to see Remus. He felt like he needed a friend more than ever.

Once again his intentions to see Remus were foiled. This time the door opened and Sirius stood up ramrod straight as he saw who it was. “Father!”

Orion Black stood there and beckoned his son forward. He was dressed as he usually was, in a fine and perfectly tailored wizard’s suit and with his greying hair slicked back formally. His gold ring shone on his finger from where he had his hand on the doorknob of Sirius’ room. His eyes were piercing, though one was clouded from a bad spell, and his lips were set in a firm line. Orion strode into the room with a practiced calm, folded his hands behind his back, and peered down at his eldest son.

“You will come down to dinner now, Sirius.” He said. It had been a long time since Sirius had heard his father’s posh yet gravelly voice, but he remembered the fear it instilled in him well. “You will eat your meal silently, though you may address any questions that your Aunt or Uncle asks of you. Once dinner is finished you will go seat yourself in my study and wait. I will see to you when I have had my brandy.”

Sirius knew he couldn’t speak so he just nodded. Orion lifted his finger and pointed towards the door and Sirius went as directed. He knew his father could have simply waited and told him this at the table, but Orion liked to control his household when he was in it. He’d given Sirius strict guidelines and Sirius would need to follow them. He’d also ensured that Sirius would be quaking in his boots the entire evening.

Sirius found it was difficult to hold his fork and knife with the way his hands were shaking. He was sat with Regulus and his three cousins sat across from him. The adults were down at the other side of the table but Sirius didn’t doubt his parents were tuned in to what he was doing. Running over the orders in his head he knew his father had only given him permission to speak if the adults spoke.

“You know I heard a funny thing in the final days of this week.” Narcissa said as she cut up her dinner delicately. “About the Gryffindor versus Slytherin game.”

Sirius froze in cutting up his meat. She couldn’t possibly know. Bellatrix let out that awful laugh of hers and smiled over at her sister. “Oh tell them, Cissy. I’m sure little Regulus would love to hear it.”

“We know it was a Gryffindor who did the spell work, of course.” Narcissa said calmly. “A group. And of course one of them had access to the Slytherin dorms to freeze the taps.” Cissy looked at him coldly. “You know, Sirius. I wouldn’t have been so put out if I didn’t have a date that evening. My hair looked a mess because of you.”

“Me? No. But I didn’t-” Sirius started.

“Sirius.” Orion’s voice came booming down the table and he flinched into quiet.

Bellatrix laughed and leaned forward. “You were seen, dear cousin.” She said “By the Bloody Baron.”

Sirius hadn’t thought to look about for the Slytherin house ghost. He had heard that the Baron haunted the dungeon but the ghosts just always did their own things. It was a spot of terrible luck. 

“Funny.” Bella said, twirling her hair about her finger. “I thought you were trying very hard to be loyal to the house of Black. I bet your parents are very disappointed to hear that not only you’ve been sorted into the wrong house, hanging out with mudbloods, but you’ve also been attacking Slytherin.”

Sirius glanced down the table and saw all four adults looking at him. Bella smiled slowly and leaned back. Narcissa looked briefly apologetic before lifting her chin and smiling over at her sister. It had been planned, that much was clear. They could have corned him at school but instead they had done it knowing this would cause the most destruction. Andromeda looked ashamed of her sisters but Sirius knew she couldn’t say anything without calling attention to herself. Regulus stabbed something hard on his plate and Sirius knew his brother was even more livid with him than ever.

Sirius simply finished his meal and kept his head down. He wasn’t allowed to retort and he didn’t want to dig himself much deeper. As he finished and dinner concluded he made his way slowly up the stairs and let himself into his father’s study. This room was the room in the house he spent the least amount of time in. His father didn’t like to be disturbed when he was home, and when he was out the door was firmly locked. Whenever he or Regulus was sent here it was because they were in true trouble. 

The room had three large windows that looked out on the back garden along one wall. There was a massive dark wood desk in the center of the room and Sirius recognized the black chair in front of it which is where he sat. Father’s chair was much more grand, yet worn from years of use. Behind the desk was a large portrait that depicted Sirius’ parents. This portrait was magical but made unerring by the sheer lack of movement it showed. The Walburga and Orion pictured here rarely moved except to blink. It made Sirius feel like he was being observed by his real parents. Along the other wall was a bookshelf filled with expensive and decorative volumes as well as odd objects and things that Sirius didn’t care to linger on too much.

Sirius knew that his father wouldn’t rush up here to see him. He was going to sit here under the scrutiny of his parent’s portrait until Orion had finished his brandy in the drawing room with their guests. Right now he imagined his cousins had settled themselves down with Regulus and the four of them were each doing their own things. Andromeda would be reading, of course. Cissy might deign to play a few games of chess with Regulus but ultimately the youngest cousin would be pushed aside. Bella and Cissy would then have their heads together speaking in hushed tones. Regulus would probably hate not having Sirius around to have their own heads together. Either that or he would be grateful to not be near a Gryffindor.

Sirius sighed in frustration. It really wasn’t such a big deal. He’d thought it was at first too, but he wasn’t that different. He was taking the same classes as Slytherin, learning the same things, and attending Bellatrix everyday at lunch. He had made sure not to earn any house points for Gryffindor and in fact he had managed to lose house points several times. Wasn’t that all fine, then? It balanced out, surely! He would explain all this to his father. Orion was an intelligent man and he would see the right of it. Sirius couldn’t help his sorting. Everything would be fine.

It seemed ages before Orion strode into the room and Sirius sat up straighter. Orion paced to behind his desk and then sat down. He peered at his son with a cold and calculating gaze and Sirius tried not to wilt.

“Toujours Pur ” Orion intoned calmly. “What does it mean, Sirius?”

“Toujours Pur is the house motto of our family.” Sirius responded quickly “It means Always Pure.”

“Language?”

“French” Sirius said, wondering why exactly his father was pursuing this. Orion always had a reason though. The man was rarely extraneous.

“Good. So you do manage to remember the very foundation of our family values, then.” Orion leaned back and steepled his fingers in front of his face, observing Sirius with his stern eyes. To this day Sirius had no idea if his father’s cloudy eye could see or not. To him it seemed like Orion could see and know all.

“I do, Sir.” Sirius confirmed slowly.

“Our family and its legacy have existed for hundreds of years. We carry upon our shoulders the solemn duty to uphold our motto and to keep magic to those who deserve to wield it.”

Sirius had no idea what this had to do with getting into Gryffindor, so instead he just nodded to show he was listening.

“You are the heir to this most noble legacy, Sirius. Toujours Pur is more than just a saying. It is an honored code to protect that which gives us power. As wizards and witches of the House of Black we are far above even our pureblood peers in the wizarding world. Even among the sacred twenty-eight we are pinnacle. There are not many bloodlines that can claim our level of purity.”

Orion paused slightly and Sirius wasn’t sure if he was supposed to speak or not. Orion simply stared at him and Sirius felt himself fighting the urge to sink lower in his chair.

“Slytherin House is of course the house of Hogwarts that most closely supports our ideals. Your ancestors have always attended Hogwarts and have been sorted into Slytherin. Of course your sorting is an unending disappointment to your mother and I, but I assume her letters made that clear.”

Sirius nodded and looked briefly away.

“Look at me.” Orion snapped, and he quickly swiveled his head back. “Your failure to get into Slytherin is a hurdle you will overcome. Your time at Hogwarts will never be as successful as it should have been because of your sorting. As heir, however, you will rise above this challenge and act accordingly. Whatever deficiency the sorting hat saw in you will be corrected.”

“If you cannot manage to rise above this then we will simply move you to Durmstrang, whose values closely align with our own. It is less ideal for your mother and I having you and Regulus attending different schools but we will manage if it comes to that.”

Sirius nodded though he wanted to scream that he wasn’t going. He wouldn’t! He already loved Hogwarts and he wasn’t going to leave it behind for Durmstrang.

“Now let us discuss how you are going to proceed in your unfortunate circumstances.” Orion said before opening his desk drawer and pulling out a parchment. He handed it over to Sirius and Sirius looked down to see his father’s neat slanted script there. As he began to read it his eyes grew wide and he looked up at Orion desperately.

“But I won’t be able to do all this!” He protested.

His father smacked his hand down on the top of his desk. “Sirius!”

Sirius shut up instantly, though he nearly crumpled the paper out of fear. 

“Your abilities in accomplishing this set of tasks is not up for debate. You will finish each of those obligations on that list.”

“But I’m a Gryffindor. McGonagall already wants me to sit at the Slytherin table less than I do!”

“You are a Black.” Orion said “And you will hold yourself to our standards or you will be removed from Hogwarts entirely! No more of this nonsense, Sirius. You will expand your studies to that prescribed list, you will sit with your cousins at meals, you will join your cousins in the library during your free periods to study, you will limit your contact to those Gryffindors who only have pure blood.”

“But it's not possible!” Sirius pleaded desperately “Gryffindor has tons of people that aren’t purebloods! Some of my friends aren’t. Most of the school isn’t! It doesn’t change anything, father! Like my friend Lily, she’s muggle born but she is way better at me than charms and-”

The hex hit Sirius hard in the chest and his protests stopped as the burning feeling started. It creeped up his neck and centered on his face and he gasped for breath as the heat seemed to overwhelm him, then it stopped. Sirius was left sweaty and panting and his father sneered at him in displeasure.

“Compose yourself.” He said simply, but Sirius couldn’t stop the shakes. His father had never hexed him like that before. “Your cousins have told me you regularly sit with mudbloods and the like at dinner with Gryffindor. This won’t be accepted, Sirius. Follow that parchment to the letter or there will be dire consequences. Am I clear?”

Sirius nodded fearfully. His father was silent for a few moments, toying with the gold ring on his finger. It had a black stone and the family crest on the side of it. Father never seemed to take it off.

“One day you will wear this ring, Sirius.” Orion said “And on that day you will be the one in charge of upholding Toujours Pur for future Black generations. It is an honor.”

“Yes, father.”

“On that day people will not speak of your shameful sorting into Gryffindor. They will speak on how you overcame such a sorting and rose above it to step into your proper position and to lead the preservation of magic families forward.”

“Yes, father.”

“Good. Now, off with you.”

Sirius nodded and pulled himself from the chair and left the room. He dared to sag against the wall outside in the hallway. He could hear the ancestor portraits whispering about him though, so he didn’t linger. Instead he hurried down the long hall to his bedroom at the end. He opened and shut the door quietly and then he threw himself onto his bed and buried his face on the pillow. He couldn't help the choking tears that escaped him then. He'd wished he could keep it together better but he just couldn't. His parents hated him. They wanted all these things from him and Sirius wasn't sure how he was supposed to accomplish them. He wanted to be a good son for them, a good heir for the house of Black, but doing so meant sacrificing a lot of things he had grown to love since leaving home. 

The ache to be loved by his family was undeniably strong though. As he gasped and sobbed against his pillow he thought of Regulus and how much he hated when his brother and he fought. He wanted him back. Then he thought about James and his parents. James parents didn't seem to have all the expectations but they clearly adored James. But maybe James fulfilled expectations that Sirius didn't see. He wanted his parents to treat him like that though.

He sucked in some heaving breaths and rolled onto his side. He looked at the parchment with red rimmed eyes. He could do all these things, with a lot of effort. Still he could manage. Then perhaps it would show his parents that he deserved their affection or at least their pride. Regulus would probably come around too if he showed him the list and made his goals clear.

But the bit about purebloods just didn't sit quite right any more. Since his conversation with Lily and then with Bella it just felt wrong and ungrounded. It also meant he wouldn't get to hang about people he really liked, like Lily and Dorcas. That was surely going to be the hardest part of this list. Still he reasoned he could hang out with them in Gryffindor tower, just not where Bella could see them. That made him feel loads better. He could keep some secrets. His best friend was a werewolf and they hadn't known that all summer!

He heard a knock on the door and sat up. He expected his mother since she had yet to have a go at him, but instead it was Regulus. Sirius looked at his little brother hopefully as Reg crossed the room and crawled into Sirius’ bed.

"Bella and Cissy are being too much." His brother said and then paused hesitantly "You were in father’s office a long time."

Sirius nodded and passed the parchment to Reg "He gave me a list of expectations and talked about my role as heir."

Regulus read the paper and his little nose scrunched up "This is a lot of stuff."

Sirius sighed and nodded "All because I called a hat old and mangy"

"Is that what happened?" Regulus asked in shock

Sirius grinned and nodded "It reads minds, the sorting hat. I thought it looked ugly and it knew I thought that. I think that's why it put me in the wrong house."

Sirius knew this wasn't really the case but it was a soothing balm of an excuse on his young mind, and it seemed to provide the same for Regulus. His little brother seemed to take this and latch to it. It seemed to repair what was lost.

"You really pranked Slytherin?" Regulus asked after a long while of quiet.

"Yeah. It was my friend James who thought of it. We made them sing a Gryffindor fight song and we froze their water taps since the singing spell has a side effect of making one really thirsty."

Regulus giggled "Okay, that is pretty good. So did Bella..."

Sirius grinned "I sure hope so. I don't know for sure since we didn't manage to get all the Slytherins but boy do I hope we got her and Narcissa."

Regulus burst into laughter, covering his mouth with both his hands "Can you imagine? They'd be so grumpy!"

Sirius nodded eagerly “At least we know that it ruined Narcissa’s hair for her date. She’s dating this gross slime named Malfoy.”

“Oh” Regulus scrunched his nose. “Yeah mother and father talk about the Malfoys a lot at dinner. They’re really happy with Cissy’s match.”

Sirius snorted “He’s annoying. He sits with us at lunch sometimes and I wonder how he even sees his food with his nose so high in the air.”

Regulus punched him lightly on the arm. “Sirius. He’s another pureblood!”

“Toujours Pur.” Sirius intoned, trying to sound like father. He stuck his tongue out at Reg. “He’s a prat is what he is. Cissy and him will be perfect together.”

Regulus glanced towards the door, but they were alone, and he allowed the smile to creep back onto his face. Sirius thought it was clear that his little brother had forgiven him, at least for now, and he was glad for it. He knew the strain of being your own person while living here and he could understand why Reg was so hesitant. Sirius thought of Andromeda and how she had secretly managed it for years. Sirius and Regulus could both do that too, hand in hand.

Regulus yawned and rolled onto his front. “I’m sleeping here tonight.” 

Sirius laughed softly and ruffled up his hair. “Yeah alright. Don’t hog the blankets too much.”

Regulus made a noncommittal noise as he burrowed his face into the pillow. Sirius hopped up to get the lights and then tugged the blankets from under Regulus, moving his brother a bit so he could tuck him in. Then he crawled into the other side of the bed and nestled his face into his own pillow. He wouldn’t admit it to Reg, but he was glad he didn’t have to sleep alone. He was scared that the second he closed his eyes he would feel the hot heat of his father’s hex creeping up his throat and across his face. At least now if he did dream of that, Regulus would kick him awake for being annoying.

As he drifted off to sleep he thought about Remus. He wanted to see him desperately, but with his little brother around he wouldn’t be able to sneak off so well. Regulus would insist on coming along. He hoped his friend was warm and okay. He knew there had already been one Full Moon this December and there was going to be yet another on New Years Eve. The plan would have to happen after that, even though he wanted to get Remus out tomorrow. He sighed and rolled onto his side to sleep. At least he could visit Remus tomorrow and finally finally talk to him again.

Chapter Text

Christmas morning in 12 Grimmauld Place was a serene and subdued affair. There was no pounding down the stairs for presents or excited noises of children. Everything was fairly routine. Sirius hadn’t even known to be jealous of other Christmases until he had talked to other students at Hogwarts and found out that a stately breakfast followed by a few practical gifts was not the norm. It had sounded like James and Peter celebrated a Christmas that was like an all day affair. At home their Christmas typically finished around midday.

As it was, on the morning of Christmas, Sirius rolled over and found that Regulus was still stealing half his bed. More than half, really, since his brother ended up spread out every which way when sleeping. Sirius didn’t mind that Reg seemed to think that Sirius’ room was now his own room. He was happy to not face his nightmares alone. The only issue was that because of Regulus sleeping in his room at night, and his mother and father staring him down during the day, he hadn’t yet gotten to see Remus. The guilt was becoming overwhelming really. 

But he really hadn’t had a single moment to catch his breath since coming home. For him this wasn’t a relaxing break from classes. Walburga had him doing potions in the kitchen with her every day. She would roll up her sleeves to her elbows, revealing all her scarring, and she would work on her own potions while Sirius worked on his. Sirius still flinched whenever a bit of potion popped onto his own hand, but mother never moved when the hot liquids touched her skin. He had once seen her stick her finger directly into a heating cauldron to check the temperature. At this point even the most heinous of ingredients didn’t phase her and Sirius struggled to keep a calm face with some of the things she unwrapped from the cupboard. Each potion he got right earned him a curt nod from his mother. Each one he got wrong he simply had to do over again.

When he wasn’t crafting potions he was either reading the books his father wanted him to read which were exceedingly dull. They covered the history of the Black family as well as pureblood roots and relations. Sirius still hadn’t found any decisive fact for why purebloods were ‘better’. He envied Andromeda’s books which were lighter and more fun. At least when he read he could sit beside Andromeda in the drawing room. He felt like they had a secret together and she would flash him kind smiles and winks whenever he got too overwhelmed by his studies.

There wasn’t a moment of all this studying that he wasn’t itching to go see Remus though. His friend probably knew he had been home for almost a week now. He was probably thinking that Sirius wasn’t coming or something horrible like that. He needed to get to him. He’d just have to insist that Reg sleep in his own bed tonight. 

Sirius reached out and poked his brother’s cheek. Regulus’ nose twitched slightly in his sleep, but nothing. Sirius did it again, a few times, and Reg grumbled and swatted at his hand before popping an eye open.

“Early…” Regulus managed with a big yawn.

“Christmas.” Sirius reminded him gently.

Regulus gasped and sat upright at this and Sirius laughed. Even though Christmas really wasn’t that exciting in their home, Regulus clung to the holiday magic as only a little brother could. Sirius had to admit that their parents did pull out the stops on the Christmas morning breakfast. Regulus was already out of bed and tugging on his slippers and robe which he’d tossed on Sirius’ desk chair. Sirius got out of bed and slipped his feet into his own slippers and tugged on his robe.

“Quiet.” Sirius advised Regulus softly as his brother yanked open the door. Regulus nodded and both brothers made their way down the stairs and into the drawing room. 

The couch had been pushed aside and a neat stack of presents resided under the family tree. They had never had a Christmas tree in their home. Presents were always at the base of the tree that spread along the walls and featured their dead ancestors. Sirius had joked one year that the heads were the ornament baubles and then they had spent Christmas earning a lecture on ancestral respect.

Sirius glanced over to see Regulus’ eyes fixed on the presents and he shoved him lightly towards the dining room. “Come on, you know mother will want us seated.”

Regulus dragged himself away from the gifts and to breakfast. Narcissa and Bellatrix were already seated at the table, as were Aunt Druella and mother. Sirius could hear talk coming from upstairs and he knew that father and Uncle Cygnus were likely talking in father’s study. Sirius and Regulus slid into their seats and moments later Andromeda came and took her own.

“Merry Christmas.” She whispered, looking flushed and happy as she looked at Sirius.

“Merry Christmas.” Sirius responded, knowing that somehow Andromeda had just been talking to Ted, she had that look about her. He’d need to know how she had done that.

The meal began once father and Uncle Cygnus took their seats. There was a cold sort of family greeting, a general merry Christmas, and then the food was brought in by Kreacher. It was an extravagant breakfast but nothing compared to the food at Hogwarts. Still Sirius felt quite pleased with the spread and dared to even help himself to two of the croissants brimming with chocolate. He managed to drop one down into his pocket for later. Remus would love that. The meal was quiet without much interaction. The adults talked amongst themselves and Sirius heard a few mentions of muggles and mudbloods and something about a dark wizard. Bellatrix kept leaning towards that side of the table to listen, a horrible smile on her face. Whatever the adults were speaking on it didn’t seem anything christmaslike. 

Once breakfast was finished they were allowed to make their way to the drawing room. Sirius had been going to sit on the couch by Andromeda but Regulus grabbed his hand and insisted he sit beside him on the carpet, nearest to the presents. Sirius knew this wouldn’t matter, Kreacher would snap his fingers and the presents would be delivered magically to each recipient, still he agreed for his brother.

The adults sojourned to the drawing room, Druella and Walburga sitting close and speaking and essentially ignoring their children and the festivities. Orion looked about the room before nodding. “We may begin.” He allowed before sitting down by the fireplace in his armchair to smoke.

Regulus grinned over at Sirius and grabbed up a present even before Kreacher could snap his fingers. Sirius just waited for the house elf to do his magic and found three presents deposited in his lap. It was easy to note that Regulus had more but that was fine, Sirius knew he hadn’t been deserving in his parent’s eyes this year. He watched Regulus open his first present which was a new chess set and Sirius knew he would probably be playing that later with Reg. The pieces were beautifully carved and the board inlaid with mother-of-pearl and Sirius couldn’t help but smile at how excited Reg was with it.

Sirius picked up one of his own presents and unwrapped it slowly. He found himself staring at a set of quills and bottles of ink. It wasn’t anything special but it was fine quality and serviceable and he was sure he would get a ton of use from it all. Each had his initial emblazoned on it, as well as the Black family crest. The next present was, of course, a book. A copy of the family history so that he wouldn’t need to take his father’s to school with him to fulfill his reading. His stomach turned just looking at it but he kept a polite smile on his face. He took another break to glance over at his cousins. Narcissa and Bellatrix had opened all their things and set them aside. The two were now sitting with Walburga and Druella, talking. Andromeda was flipping through a book that she had just unwrapped.

Sirius sighed and picked at the wrapping of his third and final present. This one was a rather large box and when he opened it up he was greeted with a set of finely tailored dress robes with emerald green trim along the cuffs, and black lace at the neck. He found Regulus peering into the box with him as Sirius reached in to feel the black lace along the neckline. He didn’t own anything like this and he had to admit they were quite nice. He glanced up and found his mother watching him critically. He gave her a polite nod.

“Thank you.” He said. Walburga nodded and turned back to her discussion.

Sirius would probably need dress robes through the years and he saw a tag on these that said they were charmed to ‘grow up’ along with the wearer. Convenient. He settled the lid back on them and tried not to think about the emerald green trim and the fact that mother probably had bought this back before he had failed her.

He watched Regulus open the rest of his presents and noted that many of them were school related. Walburga seemed to be starting Reg off even sooner than Sirius. Perhaps to avoid another mistake. Regulus opened a box that looked identical to the one that Sirius had got with his dress robes. Reg lifted off the lid and both boys leaned forward.

“Woah.” Regulus said, reaching out to touch the fur trimmed robes in the box. They were clearly even nicer than Sirius’, with a plush fur at the cuffs and neckline and a silver R emblazoned on the black in fine silver thread. It didn’t really suit Regulus, Sirius thought, but it would keep his brother warm whenever Hogwarts campus got cold.

“Its werewolf fur.” Walburga said primly, attracting all the attention in the room. 

“Goodness!” Aunt Druella said. “Those must have cost a fortune!”

Walburga lifted a brow towards her sister-in-law. As if they couldn’t afford to spend a fortune on robes. “Regulus has never had a decent set of dress robes before. Both of my sons will inevitably be in Professor Slughorn’s potions club, making connections. They will need to look suitable, of course. Slughorn does invite rabble to that, but Sirius and Regulus will be the standouts.”

“Werewolf fur?” Regulus said, looking down at the robes and petting his hand across the lapel. “I didn’t even know you could get that. That’s cool.”

“Quite rare, my dear.” Walburga said. “Hard to harvest, of course, but I found a merchant in Knockturn. Go on, Regulus, try them on. I want to ensure the fitting charm is correct.”

Sirius had felt like his world was shutting down the second his mother had said the robes were trimmed with werewolf fur. His ears had made this awful ringing noise and he could have sworn his vision was going black at the corners. Then she said the bit about Knockturn and he shot to his feet in distress. Remus! He knew people were talking, and maybe even talking to him, but Sirius wasn’t even managing to breathe right now. He felt dizzy and strange and he needed to do something. To know. He needed to know. Before thinking any further he dashed from the room.

“Sirius Orion Black!” He heard his mother and father both yelling after him. He knew the yelling would get worse as he yanked open the front door and dashed out into Muggle London. 

He didn’t stop as he heard them. He didn’t stop as he felt some sort of spell go over his shoulder. He needed to get to Remus. His slippers slapped against the pavement and his robe flapped behind him as he left his home behind. He was otherwise just in his green pajamas which really were not warm enough for the slushy snow coming down on London right now. Within a few minutes of running his feet were cold and his slippers were sodden. The cold air pumping through his lungs kept him going though, dodging past the few people who were out on Christmas day.

He’d only been into Muggle London a few times, having been warned not to leave the home many times by his mother, and punished if he did so. Back when they had had a nanny though, she had occasionally taken them out into the city on shopping errands. One of the places they had been allowed to go with their nanny was the Leaky Cauldron. Mother hadn’t allowed the woman to use their Floo Network and so the nanny would take them to the Leaky Cauldron in order to get to Diagon Alley. Sirius was running there now. He knew if he’d used the Floo in front of his parents he would have been in so much trouble, and he would never get to Remus. This was his best option.

He got lost several times. It was almost an hour from his home to where the Cauldron was. He couldn’t ask anyone either, since he had no idea who was a wizard or who was Muggle. He wanted to cry in the cold wet. He needed to get to Remus. To his best friend. Remus who had to be safe and fine and who couldn’t possibly be harvested to adorn his brother’s dress robes. He found himself overtaken by sobs on a street corner as he waited for traffic to stop.

“Alright there, lad?” A kindly old man opening up his shop for the day asked.

Sirius rubbed away his tears before crying more right away. “I need...I need to get to Charing Cross Road.”

“You’re close. Now now, dry those tears.” The muggle said and Sirius tried, he really did, but they kept coming. No matter how much he wiped at them more seemed to appear. The old man put his hands on his hips. “Lad. It's Christmas. What are you doing out and about looking like that on a day like this?”

“My friend...I have to..” Sirius didn’t know how to even begin to explain it. “My friend needs me and I can’t even manage to do anything because I just can’t and nothing is working out and my parents are upset with me and I just want things to be easy but they never are and-”

“Breathe, kiddo.” The man said gently and Sirius managed to suck in some air before bursting into more sobs. 

He knew he was wasting time but he couldn’t help it. He stood there for a few moments just crying as the kind muggle man tried to get him to calm down and breathe. Eventually Sirius got it under control and wiped away the rest of his tears. “Charing Cross?” He whispered hopefully

The man looked worried and hesitant. “Don’t you have parents I could call up?”

Sirius didn’t know what calling was, so instead he shook his head. “I just need the directions, please.” He begged.

The man sighed and conceded. He briefly went into his shop and came back out with a few things. He handed over a bag to Sirius and then a piece of paper. “Directions are on there, lad. Get there safely. No running across streets, got it?”

Sirius nodded and then looked at the bag. “What's this?”

The old man winked “Christmas crackers and some little puddings my old lady made.”

Sirius blinked and opened the bag to see a couple of colorful tubes and two little cakes wrapped up. “What are they?” Sirius said wonderingly, pulling out one of the alleged Christmas crackers.

“Blimey, kid! Alright, look here.” The man pulled one out and patiently showed Sirius how to hold one end. “Give it a pull.”

Sirius tugged on it and gasped as the cracker popped open and he was left holding the larger half. He peered inside it curiously and saw it was filled with colorful things. He pulled something out that looked to be a bag of marbles.

“There you see.” The man said gently. “Christmas cracker. Has some bits inside. Toys and the like. A paper crown to wear. You’ve got a couple of them in that bag you can share with your friend.”

Sirius glanced up at the old muggle and nearly started weeping again. “Thank you, Sir.” He said in a bit of awe. 

The man patted him gently on the shoulder. “Just have a Merry Christmas, alright?”

“You as well! Thank you!” Sirius said, putting the remains of the cracker into the bag.

“Traffic is stopped.” The man gestured to the street and Sirius gave a last delighted wave before setting on his way again. The brief stop had given him time to collect himself. He was going to see Remus. His friend was going to be okay. He followed the little hand drawn map through the streets of London, following the man’s advice to not dash madly across streets. His toes were frozen in his slippers by the time he started to recognize the area again. He stuffed the paper map into his pocket and started down the road.

He finally found the Leaky Cauldron and let himself inside. It was warm and smelled of spices and ale and there were a few witches and wizards already milling about even on Christmas. He made his way up to the bar and stood on his tiptoes to get the attention of the server who was a kindly looking witch with a pile of deep purple hair.

“Excuse me, ma’am? I need to get to Diagon Alley. I was wondering if you could help me with the password.” Sirius said, using his best pampered polite voice

The witch leaned over the counter and looked at him in amusement. “And what would you need that for then, little sir?”

Sirius felt his ears heating up red. “Um. Well. I forgot to buy my mum a Christmas present.” He lied “And I’d really love to get her one before she wakes up.”

The witch chuckled and made her way around the counter. “Alright, though I don’t rightly know what shops are going to be open today. You can have a look about though. There now, look at those poor feet! Sure you don’t want to settle down by the fire and warm up for a few?” She tutted “I could make you up some tea.”

Sirius couldn’t handle yet another person showing him such kindness today and he was almost speechless. These people didn’t know him and yet they cared about him. “Just the password is fine. Really ma’am, thank you.”

The witch nodded and led him back to the passage and tapped on the bricks. The wall split open to reveal Diagon Alley. “Good luck with your shopping. Merry Christmas.”

Sirius nodded and wished her one as well and made his way into Diagon and instantly took off at a run. It was snowing here as well but it was fluffier and less sodden than the snow that had been occurring in Muggle London. It seemed colder though and Sirius knew he was likely to have a cold when all this was over.

He ran as fast as he could through Diagon, heading straight to Knockturn. He almost slipped and fell a few times but he just scrambled back and kept on moving. Knockturn was just as sleepy and quiet as Diagon but he felt like both streets were more dead due to the weather than the holiday. Outside of the Menagerie he paused to catch his breath. The front cage was empty. Gone were the sad colorful birds that had been here every time he visited. Fear spiked through him and he tentatively stepped inside. He didn’t see the owner of the place anywhere so he continued on, picking up speed as he went, until he could see Remus’ cage.

At first Sirius thought the cage was empty and he almost broke down right there, but then he noticed a snow covered lump in the back corner and rushed towards it. The unmoving lump was near the crates and he clambered onto them. 

“Remus! Remus! Please. Please be okay.” Sirius begged desperately, his little voice rising slightly in a panic as he reached through the bars and tugged on the blanket. 

Relief flooded through him when he saw his friend’s face and he collapsed against the cage in unending relief. 

“You’re here. You’re okay. You’re okay…” He said over and over, almost reassuring himself more than his friend.

Remus didn’t look good at all though. He was pale and his lips were tinged almost blue. He seemed to stare blankly at Sirius and everything about him was sluggish and strange. Sirius noticed he had a new scar on his shoulder. 

“You’re freezing.” Sirius realized, as Remus still didn’t have a proper shirt on. Sirius quickly got out of his bathrobe and passed it through the bars. Remus didn’t move so he took things into his own hands. He brushed as much snow off his friend as he could and then settled the robe over him. He moved a crate over and sat down so his head was about level with Remus’. 

“I should have thought to bring more. I’ll figure out something.”

Remus shifted slightly, sniffing, and reached into the pocket of the robe. He pulled out the croissant and weakly bit into it. Sirius smiled at his friend fondly.

“Trust you to find the bit of chocolate first.” He teased

Remus’ looked at Sirius in exhaustion but the first twinge of a smile crept onto his lips.

*  *  *

Remus hadn’t fared well over the months. Once the Kneazle died he had nothing to bolster his spirit. He had fallen deeper and deeper into hopelessness. The days seemed to drag on forever, and the nights seemed endless without Sirius there to cheer him up. The Full Moons were brutal but at least he had the healing draughts to help him afterwards.

Even worse the rains had turned to snows and he had found himself shivering constantly. The Owner didn’t seem to care and Remus had begun seeing the faded old wizard less and less. After the Kneazle had died the Menagerie had begun to fail. More and more animals were sold off and not replaced. Cages were left empty. Other creatures died and Remus ached in pain over each and every one. He hated that they had died in captivity. He hated that the same fate might befall him.

The Kneazle’s body had laid in the muddy puddle for three days before The Owner had dealt with it. When the snows came and Remus felt himself freezing he imagined that The Owner might not even notice he was dead for a while. The snow would preserve him, wouldn’t it? He would freeze to this cage and people would probably throw Sickles at his corpse to try to agitate him. The thoughts were grim at first in the cold, but then the thoughts had slid away entirely. All he had known was the combined ache of hunger and chill and a strange sort of regret.

He wanted to see so much but it was hard to even remember what all that was now. He’d at least wanted to see Sirius again. At first he had thought he had done his counting correctly and that Sirius was home, but then the days slid by and he didn’t see his friend. He had to be wrong. He had miscounted. Sirius hadn’t forgotten him. Remus couldn’t dwell on that thought at all or he would give up entirely.

Remus dreamed about his friend often. Dreamed about Sirius and his grin and his blushing ears, pressing his face up against the bars and calling him Moony. Dreamed about Sirius getting him out and the two of them going on grand adventures together. Sometimes he simply dreamed about Sirius sitting down beside him, stroking his hair, and saying his name. He sank into those dreams, reveling in the simplistic comfort it brought to him. Sometimes in those dreams Sirius’ voice would merge with the other feminine voice and Remus would almost feel like he could remember a face. It always returned to Sirius though.

This time the Sirius of his dreams looked panicked, pale and sodden. His hair was longer than it was before and he was wearing funny clothes. He said Remus’ name desperately, like it was the most important thing in the world, and Remus tried so hard to respond. He was weak though and confused. Was this not a dream? Sirius was real? He struggled to pull his thoughts together, fighting against all the exhaustion that cold and malnourishment brought.

He felt a weight land on him and it wasn’t exactly warm but it was more than before. Just the smallest bit more than he had moments ago. Then a wonderful smell crept into his nose and he sought it out. He rummaged into the pocket of the new weight, a cloth, and his hand found a bit of bread. Biting into the bread he found chocolate and he almost wanted to cry, but there was no energy. He’d eaten all his sweets long ago and had been convinced he would never taste them again. He ate the bread slowly though he wanted to devour it. He ate down every crumb and his stomach felt glad for the first time in days.

He flicked his eyes over and there was Sirius. His Sirius, properly there, not a dream. Sirius had a red nose and red rimmed eyes and he looked frazzled beyond belief. His dark curls were wet and a crown of snow was settling upon them. He also looked like just about the best thing Remus had ever seen. Remus took a breath and gathered his energy and moved right up against the bars, laying on his side. Sirius seemed to understand right away what he needed and his friend reached through with his arms and gathered Remus into a hug. It was awkward with the cold metal between them, but Sirius’ arms were warm and Remus focused on that. 

“Missed you.” He mumbled, burying his cold nose against Sirius’ bicep.

“I missed you too, Moony. I’ve been trying to get to you ever since I came home. Everything kept going all wrong. And then more horrible stuff happened and I thought you were...Well I thought-” 

Sirius sounded distressed and Remus wanted him to stop that. Everything went wrong? No. No everything was perfect. Remus bit down on Sirius’ arm lightly to get him to shut up.

“Did you just bite me?” Sirius said in disbelief.

Remus tugged his face back with a tired smile. “Stop worrying. Shut up.” He said simply before burning his face back against Sirius’ arm, against the silky satin of his pajamas. Sirius laughed fondly and Remus felt his friend’s hand cradle the back of his head. 

Remus focused on the warmth of Sirius’ arm against his face. It was the best thing he had felt since the joy of befriending the Kneazle. His nose was still ice but perhaps ice that was thawing. The shivers were still so deep in his bones though. Sirius’ hand was rubbing his back gently and that sent tendrils of warmth through his body. Sirius was grumbling still, though now he was grumbling about how anyone could mistreat Remus and leave him like this. That warmed Remus’ heart. His friend hadn’t gone off and learned bad things at school. His friend was still his.

“I really really need to get you out of here.” Sirius said finally, ending his rant with a forlorn sigh.

Remus managed a weak nod. “Won’t last much longer.” He admitted softly. “I think the menagerie is failing. Less food. Less visitors. He’ll sell me soon. Harvest me.”

Remus felt Sirius’ arms tighten around him and he knew his words had scared his friend, but it was simply the truth.

“What day is it?” He managed to ask Sirius after a while.

“Oh. Christmas. Merry Christmas, Remus.”

Remus took this information in. “That's nice.” He finally decided. “Never celebrated before.”

Sirius pulled back and Remus reached out to grab at his friend’s shirt, not wanting the warmth to go away. Sirius was holding some sort of bag though and Remus looked at it curiously. His friend pulled something colorful out of the bag and held it to Remus.

“Here. This is a muggle thing, but it's really cool. Here look.” Sirius took Remus’ hand and showed him how to hold it.

Remus was cold, tired, and felt on the verge of fainting, but he wanted to be happy in this moment with Sirius. So when Sirius told him to tug, he tugged, and then let out a little noise of surprise at the pop. Sirius pulled another cracker out and did it himself and then instantly passed something over to Remus.

“You can have my chocolate, of course.” Sirius said. Remus blinked and looked inside his own cracker.

“These have chocolate? Muggles are brilliant.” He said instantly, reaching inside. He ate both chocolates and then tipped the rest of the contents out onto the floor of his cage. He had a funny plastic car and a colorful bit of paper it looked like. He looked up to see Sirius curiously unrolling his own bit of paper.

“A crown!” Sirius said before putting the paper on his head. It was lopsided on Sirius’ hair and the damp instantly made the bright blue paper sodden and sagging. Still Sirius was grinning and Remus couldn’t help but smile back. 

Remus felt like a shadow of himself but Sirius didn’t treat him any different. His friend just seemed happy to be here, spending this moment with him. There was something a bit silly about doing this when Remus knew he was slowly dying but he wouldn’t want it any different. He wanted to push aside the darkness and hang onto these moments. Sirius stood before him as this wonderful bright star of happiness in an otherwise black world. Remus knew the other boy didn’t grasp the full magnitude of everything Remus endured without him, and Remus would never want to tell him. Sirius’ smile was so wide that his eyes crinkled up and Remus wanted to fortify that smile and make sure it never left. In his chest he felt this yawning thing that he didn’t understand, a fierce animal protectiveness over Sirius’ blazing brightness. He had no right to want to magnify that brightness, but there it was. He found that he would probably do anything to make sure that Sirius kept smiling. As it was right now that was just the act of using his strength to sit up.

Remus pulled himself up to sit cross legged and wrapped the blanket around him, and then Sirius’ robe. He shakily undid his own paper crown, a red one, and settled it on his head. 

“King Moony.” Remus said quietly before shifting to lean against the bars. Easier to stay awake that way.

“So does that make me the Queen then?” Sirius said, moving back to stick his arm through the bar to wrap around Remus. The warmth returned and Remus closed his eyes. “I can be alright with that. You should see the robes my mother got me. Fancy enough to be a Queen’s garment.”

Remus wanted to ask if Sirius had come to get him out but he knew it couldn’t be today. The Full Moon was happening in a couple of days and Remus knew he needed to stay in the cage until at least then, for his friend’s safety. He wanted to beg though, for Sirius to get him out right now. He wanted to hug his best friend properly and he wanted to have the energy to talk to him about how Hogwarts was. He didn’t want to be this weak pitiful thing who was too cold to speak.

For now this was fine though. Sirius didn’t seem to be in a rush to leave him and Remus was okay with staying ensconced in this one sided hug for as long as his friend would give him. They had their little paper crowns and their friendship. For Remus it was the best Christmas he’d ever had. For Sirius it was as well, because it was more genuine than any before it had been.

“Next Christmas we’ll be at Hogwarts together.” Sirius said fiercely.

Remus smiled and snuggled into his arms “I believe you.” He said, feeling his hope returning.

Later they would share the little cakes that the muggle had given Sirius, though Sirius gave his over to Remus after a single bite. His friend had lingered long into the day and Remus had wiggled his hands into his friend’s shirt to warm up his fingers and grinned at Sirius’ yelp of protest. Sirius had talked to him for hours, though whatever he had said to Remus kept sliding right out of his head again. He couldn’t latch on to anything much, but he just let himself be soothed by Sirius’ voice. Sirius had stroked his hair as well, like in his dreams, and Remus had settled down in the late afternoon as the sun had finally crept out from the clouds in a London Christmas miracle. The warmth against his face was enough to elicit a happy sigh from Remus. The petting of his hair continued until he slept, and then it even continued there in his dreams, this time it was a woman’s voice that gently sang him a song as he slipped into sleep.

“Merry Christmas, my sweet darling boy.”

Chapter Text

Sirius heard the slight scrape of parchment slid under his door and grinned. He picked up the piece of paper and flicked it open. 

“Check Mate” was all it said in Regulus’ neat but childish script.

Sirius rested his head against the black wood of his shut bedroom door and gave the wood the tiniest smack to show his displeasure. He could hear his brother laughing softly on the other side.

Sirius set his quill to the paper and wrote underneath Regulus’ words “Not fair to play chess like this.” He slid the note under.

He heard further quiet laughter from Reg and knew his brother was trying his hardest to be as quiet as possible. Sirius was grounded, of course, not allowed to leave his room after the antics he had pulled on Christmas. Regulus was camped right outside his door with his new chess set and they had been passing notes back and forth with their moves for hours. The Silencio charm choking his throat was almost unbearable, wanting to cause Sirius to curl in on himself in anxious despair, but having Reg as a distraction was good.

The note slid back under. “Again?”

Sirius smiled and wrote down a check mark before sending it back. Regulus could talk just fine, mother hadn’t silenced him, but his brother was showing solidarity with him by passing the notes instead. The first one had come this morning and the relief it had brought was a balm on Sirius’ frantic mind.

He could hear Regulus setting the chess board back up and he could imagine how careful his brother was being with the new pieces. Regulus would probably be picking each one up and setting it down in its proper place with a cautious grace. The boy would have his nose scrunched in unending concentration to not break a single bit of his new gift. It was probably best Sirius couldn’t touch the pieces because he knew he wouldn’t have been able to resist tossing one up and down casually to see the horror on Reg’s face.

He heard footsteps and waited for a few moments. He could hear his mother’s voice, and then Regulus explaining the chess set, and then Walburga scolding. He heard frantic noises of the chess set being put away into its velvet lined box. A note was shoved hastily under the door and then he heard two sets of footsteps moving away, Walburga’s scolding clear.

He picked up the note and unfurled it. “Sorry” was all it said.

Sirius crumpled it up and dragged himself to his feet. That was that then. No more distraction. He reached up a shaking hand to grab at his throat. He was now just supposed to be stuck here in silence. He moved over to his desk and sat down heavily. He stared at his wand and wished he was capable of wordless magic. He could have used Finite and ended all this. Wordless magic was a long way from his grasp though when he could barely manage simple spells without his wand resisting him. He swallowed hard. Was he just imagining the choking feeling that wormed his way up his throat? The heat in his cheeks? The tightness of his chest? He knew Silencio didn’t really have those side effects but it felt that way to Sirius.

He felt trapped in his own head, unable to even manage to ask for help. His breathing came quicker now and he covered his mouth with both hands and screwed his eyes shut tightly. The panic threatened to overwhelm him yet again, as it had several times in the past three days. He had been under his mother’s spell almost the entire three days since coming back from seeing Remus.

He had stepped foot back into the foyer of 12 Grimmauld Place hesitantly. Already he had started sneezing on his walk home, and he knew he was going to get sick. He had barely shut the door softly behind him before his mother was standing there with her arms crossed, glaring at him with serene composure.

“Explain.” She had said simply.

Sirius had hugged his arms around himself and tried to think quickly. “I...forgot a present.” He lied, knowing it was entirely lame. He tried to think of James and how mischievous his friend could be. What sort of easy lie would James tell? How would he sell it? Sirius shrugged miserably.

“It was for Regulus. I had wanted to get him...Wanted to get him a fancy Slytherin sweater. I had written an Owl to a seller in Diagon Alley before coming home. I just forgot. The dress robes reminded me. I thought we would go to Diagon Alley for potions stuff and I could pick it up then but I just forgot.”

“And so you ran away?” Walburga didn’t seem convinced and Sirius knew it was a rather weak story.

“I thought maybe the shop would be open. I went to the Leaky Cauldron…”

“Liar.” An ancestor portrait on the wall whispered. Sirius flinched. “Liar. Liar.”

Walburga frowned in prim disappointment in her eldest son. “Once you are ready to tell the truth you may come and find me and I will release the spell.” She intoned before reaching into her sleeve to tug out her wand.

Sirius had stepped back in fear, pressing his back against the door hard. “Mother, Please no, I hate-”

“Silencio.”

Sirius, of course, couldn’t tell her the truth. He couldn’t say he had snuck out to see his best friend who also happened to be a werewolf. He would never be allowed to leave the house again if he admitted to that. So he stayed in silence and suffered.

Today was the day he was supposed to meet James and Peter in Diagon Alley for some after-Christmas shopping. He wanted to see his friends so badly, to leech off of their sunny dispositions and endless chatter. His fireplace was right there and yet he was unable to speak the words that would deliver him to his friends and to freedom. 

The only relief was that mother hadn’t checked on him at all. He was allowed to come down for meal times but when he went back up to his room he was alone. Not even Kreacher seemed to be allowed to come in and draw the curtains back in the mornings. He was isolated from the rest of the family. After Bella had laughed at him at dinner he was quite happy to be isolated. Andromeda had looked worried and miserable for him though and he hadn’t been able to meet her eyes. This is what acting out got in the Black family and Sirius refused to blow her cover for her. 

Sirius folded his arms and rested his head onto his desk and focused on getting his breathing back under control. It was a bit harder since he had a cold and his whole nose was stopped up. Luckily it hadn’t ever developed into a full blown fever. It took him several long moments but slowly but surely he managed to quell his panic. He’d had to learn how to do this over the past three days. At first his fear had gotten control of him again and again and his breathing had been so erratic he had feared blacking out. Having his voice taken from him was horrible. He didn’t like the sensation of not being able to connect with his world, not having skills to do so beyond his voice.

Once he was calm he rolled his head to the side and stared at his bookshelf. He’d been reading a lot, for lack of anything better to do. He’d also been fiddling with the two little toys that had come in the christmas crackers. The marbles were soothing to hold and he found himself fidgeting them about in his palm quite often. He was so grateful for that kindly muggle man. He reached for them now, pulling them from where they sat on the bookshelf. He let them clatter along his desktop and smiled at the soothing sound of it. He ran them back and forth, batting them with his hands, allowing himself to play.

Sirius sometimes forgot in all the turmoil of his life that he was still considered young. He didn’t always feel young, but he never ever felt grown. If he were grown he would have the answers to the myriad of questions running through his mind. If he were grown he would be able to leave his bedroom and do whatever he liked. He thought perhaps the solution to most of his current problems would be to grow up.

But grown ups also had jobs and obligations, and they certainly rarely had fun. He twisted his lips at the idea of wearing his father’s ring someday. That was what he had to be when he grew up: his father. He even had his exact wand. Sirius sighed and reached for some books, setting them up along the top of his desk like a little goal. He began flicking the marbles into them, mentally keeping track of his points. He had no desire to grow up into his father. Nor his mother. Now that he knew there were other adults out in the world he found himself wanting to be more like those. Like a kindly old muggle man who helped a crying kid on the street and gifted him with Christmas, or like a stern but warm professor who always seemed to have her eye on Sirius throughout the day, or even perhaps like a frumpy old wand seller that had told a boy he had braveness in him. Sirius would much rather be like any one of those people. They had robust dimensions to them just by being caring towards others. They interacted with their worlds and made them better rather than just floating through them and claiming to already be the best. 

Sirius paused in his little game and watched the colorful marbles slow to gradual stops along his desktop. One fell off and bounced onto the floor, rolling under his bed. He placed his finger on top of one of the remaining marbles and wiggled it gently, watching the light play through the swirling colors. 

He supposed that more than anything he just wanted to be a good friend. He found that James was one of the best people he’d ever met. James seemed to innately understand whatever it was that Sirius needed, whether that was space or contact, words or silence. Sometimes he seemed to know it before Sirius himself knew it. He knew he didn’t have that gift. When it came to Remus the other boy was oftentimes an enigma. Sirius knew he monopolized their interactions together and he didn’t know if that was the right thing. He wanted to know, though. He wanted to be the kind of friend that James was. He wanted to do that not just for Remus, but for James and Peter as well, and Regulus! He supposed before any of that he really needed to figure out who the hell he was.

That couldn’t be so hard, could it?

The marble slipped from underneath his finger as he applied too much pressure and it went skittering across his desk and onto the floor. He got up with the intention of fetching it, only to see his door opening and closing quickly as Andromeda stepped in. Sirius looked at his cousin in surprise as she bent down and plucked up the marble before making her way over. She pulled out her wand and directed it at him.

“Finite Incantatem"

Sirius took a moment and then let out a massive sigh of relief. “Oh. Wow. That feels good.” He said. His voice sounded raspy with lackey of use and probably from the silent screaming that had encapsulated most of day one for him. “Thank you.”

Andromeda gave him a smile before taking his hand and settling the marble into it. “I wanted to come along and do that earlier for you, but my sisters have been annoying as hell. Honestly I will be happy to be back at school in a few days.”

“Me too.” Sirius said, reveling in the feeling of sound coming from his mouth.

“Well you’re going to see your friends today, aren’t you?” Andromeda said with a smile as she leaned back against the post of his bed.

“What?” Sirius’ eyes grew wide and hopeful “But I’m grounded. I can’t. I’m not even supposed to be talking right now.”

“Chill.” She said easily, pushing her hair back over her shoulder. “I’ll cover for you. You've got the Floo Network. Just be back before dinner and there won’t be an issue, yeah?”

Sirius nodded ecstatically. “Yes of course, Andy. Thank you.”

Andromeda turned to go but paused “Wait. Actually. Can you grab me some pumpkin pasties from the sweets shop? Those are Ted’s favorites.”

“Absolutely.” Sirius promised. Andromeda flashed him a last wink before leaving the door and putting the locking spell back in place. 

Sirius instantly flew into action, though quietly, pulling on warm clothing and gathering up his things. He stuffed some money into his pockets and then got out his satchel. Into his satchel he packed a warm sweater, another robe, some socks, and the three apples that Kreacher had delivered as part of his lunch over the last couple of days. He reckoned he could drop these things off to Remus after seeing James and Peter. He wrapped a warm scarf around his neck and pulled on some fine leather gloves before stepping into the fireplace. His voice was excited as he declared his destination, and then he was whizzing away to freedom. He stepped out into a beautiful and sunny day. There was still a bit of snow on the eaves of the buildings but most on the ground had melted. It was bitterly cold but the sun against his face was warm and wonderful. James had said they were going to meet outside of the Quidditch supply store and so Sirius made his way there, though the urge to go see Remus instead was strong. 

He heard James before he saw him and he smiled at his friend’s sheer volume. Sure enough, as he came around the corner he saw James and Peter standing by the window. James was talking loudly, using his hands, and Peter was smiling and nodding along. Sirius stopped in his tracks when he noticed that James’ mother was also there. Of course. Why hadn’t he thought of that? Of course they wouldn’t have been allowed to traipse about Diagon Alley on their own. He was so used to doing it by himself that he hadn’t thought there would be a parent here. He felt uncomfortable and unsure. He’d heard about Euphemia Potter, of course, but was she really as good as James proclaimed? She was a mother, how could she be?

“Sirius!” James caught sight of him and dashed over and Sirius found himself enveloped in a tight hug. For a moment his fears were dispelled and he laughed and hugged James back.

“We need Peter in here too.” James said, still keeping one arm around Sirius and gesturing for the other boy to come over. Peter looked hesitant to approach and Sirius felt bad for tending to run cold towards the other boy.

“Alright, Peter?” He asked with a bright smile. The smile was answered and Peter stepped forward. James seized them both up then and Sirius laughed as he tried to get his own arms around his friends.

“Can’t breathe. Leave off!” Peter grumbled, getting James’ to release them both by tickling at the boy’s ribs. 

James let out a loud shriek and jumped away and that was how Sirius discovered that James was insanely ticklish. Peter and he shared a brief look, and telepathy common to young mischievous boys, and lunged forward. Sirius grabbed James about the neck while Peter set upon him relentlessly. James let out howling laughter, wiggling and trying to get free, but laughing uproariously. Eventually they subsisted and James fell against Sirius still giggling and wiping tears from his eyes.

“I’ll get you two for that one!” James promised.

“Merry Christmas, Potter.” Sirius said, sticking out his tongue.

Sirius looked up as James’ mother approached and he took a cautious step back and schooled his face. He had a sudden urge to fix his hair. Euphemia Potter was not an intimidating figure though and she looked far different than Walburga in just about every way. She was rather short and petite and it was clear that someday her son would stand above her. She wore her long black hair braided and curled up on top of her head and Sirius thought he saw two wands stuck there, which was rather odd. She wore a long shirt-like garment and comfortable looking pants which were shoved into clunky green gardening boots. Over top of all of this she wore a warm long coat that reached almost to the ground and Sirius suspected it actually belonged to her husband, based on the size, and Sirius wondered if Fleamont Potter was also missing his wand. All in all she looked like a mother that had been rushed out of the house by her very eager son. 

“You must be Sirius.” She said, and Sirius found that her accented voice was warm and kind.

“I am, Ma’am, yes.” Sirius said quickly.

“Did you just call her ma’am?” Peter blurted out and then laughed. Sirius felt his ears heating up and James elbowed their friend. Peter didn’t know about Walburga.

Euphemia Potter just smiled. “Ma’am is fine if that is what makes you feel comfortable.” She said simply. “But just Effie is fine, or Mrs. Potter if you must.”

“We both call her mum!” James said, slinging an arm around Peter’s shoulders.

Euphemia laughed. “Yes, there is that option as well.”

“Thank you, Mrs. Potter.” Sirius said, feeling so far out of his element. He couldn’t possibly call her Effie, certainly not mum. It was all too much. 

Sirius figured out quickly that James got his innate sense of understanding from his mother. Euphemia looked at him with wise eyes and seemed to see right down into him. She knew he was scared and she knew that she was the one causing that fear. Unlike his own mother, Euphemia had no interest in growing that fear. She wanted to smooth it out, rub it away, and let Sirius breathe.

“Alright.” Euphemia said, turning from Sirius and putting her hands on her hips to face her son. “Now I am going to let you boys run free, but there will be some rules. No rough housing in the stores, no eating yourself sick on sweets, no pulling pranks. I’m going to go sit at the tea house and have a nice pot of tea and I hope that I won’t have to wrangle my boys out of trouble. Peter, are you up to the challenge today?”

Peter grinned and gave Euphemia a salute “I can wrangle him if he gets too James.”

Effie chuckled and nodded. “Can always count on my right hand man.” She said fondly.

“James” she turned to her son. “You’ll know where I’ll be, darling, be safe.” Then Euphemia took both of them by their heads and planted kisses on their hair. Sirius was spared this treatment, thank goodness.

He watched Mrs. Potter leave and then looked at James and Peter. The two boys seemed just as surprised, albeit eager, that they had the day without a parental figure. Sirius watched Euphemia’s retreating back and wondered how exactly she had known that he would be on edge all day long if she stuck around. As it was, with James’ mother gone, he felt all the exuberance of being a young boy with his friends overtake him.

“What are we doing first?” he asked.

“Quidditch Store!” James said, bouncing up and down eagerly.

Sirius barely had time to nod before his friend was shooting off to the store and stepping inside. Peter and Sirius laughed before joining their friend. This was the store that he and Reg had been chased out of quickly last summer and so Sirius was rather excited to see everything himself. There were brooms lining the walls as well as gear and various merch for different teams. James was off at the far wall looking at an impressive display of brooms. Sirius nudged Peter’s shoulder.

“So how much time does he normally spend here?” He asked

Peter shrugged and shook his head. “He’d stay here all day if we let him. I normally let him get out his energy to the workers and then drag him away for a snack. But he’ll still spend a good hour begging someone to let him take one of the brooms for a test ride.”

Sirius glanced towards a young woman who was hovering off ground with an employee at her side. “They don’t let him?”

Peter snickered a bit and pointed to a sign by the door and an arrow that said ‘You Must Be This Tall to Ride’. 

“He’s still too short.”

Sirius couldn’t help but chuckle at that because he hadn’t imagined anything could hold James Potter back, but apparently his height was the one thing that could. Well, height and employees that didn’t want to get sued by a rich boy’s parents.

“Oh come on! Please!” Right on cue they heard James’ begin begging at the back of the store “I’ve been flying for years, I know what I’m doing! I just want to test it! Please.”

“We better go save them.” Peter said, heading towards the back. 

James was standing in front of a rack of dark wood brooms with silver brackets holding in the bristles. They looked sleek and expensive and fast. James evidently knew all about them because he’d made a beeline right for them. He was currently squaring off against a store employee who looked to be around Bellatrix’s age and also looked supremely uncaring of the entire thing.

“Grow a couple inches and come back next year.” She said drily “In the meantime you are welcome to peruse our other goods.”

“The other goods don’t fly though!” James said, throwing his arms out wide and dramatic. This did nothing to persuade the employee and James almost knocked a display over.

Sirius stepped forward and slung his arm around James’ shoulders and yanked him back. “Leave it, mate. Come on. You know she can’t let you.”

James sulked and glowered for a moment and Sirius got to see a side of his friend that he hadn’t seen before; the same stubborn privilege that ran in his own veins. It was a touch embarrassing to see displayed by another person. At the same time he did understand it. James knew what he was capable of and it sucked to be told you couldn’t do something.

“Lets go look for the card packs.” He suggested with a grin “Did you guys get your Flailing Flemx card yet?”

James perked up and shook his head. “No, though we did get some rare ones in our stockings. Yeah, lets go get some of those.”

Sirius let James explain to him the various players he and Peter had gotten added to their collection as they ambled around the store. He really only knew a few names from reading Seeker Weekly with Regulus. Most of the older names went right over his head. History of anything at all was just boring. Peter chimed in whenever James mentioned a name, rattling off their various stats with ease. The duo were unstoppable when it came to all this. He realized that while Peter had said he had a plan to get James to leave at a reasonable time, James had his own internal plan to get Peter to stay there indefinitely. Every single time they had started to leave, James would casually mention the name of a team or a player and Peter’s eyes would glow and then suddenly Sirius would find himself stuck between the two staring at merch for teams he didn’t care about. He suspected that the reason James spent hours in here was because it was something he and Peter could do together that made the shyer of the two boys come alive. Sirius eventually coaxed them both out of the store. Once they were finally out Sirius spread his arms out and tipped his head dramatically backwards.

“Sunlight!” He said, spinning about. “Oh I could kiss you! I never thought I would see the light of day again.”

James jabbed him in the side and he folded over with an ‘oomph’ 

“Don’t be so dramatic, Black.” he said, sticking out his tongue.

Sirius grinned “Says the boy who will probably scream if he gets a decent Quidditch Card.”

“Touché.”

Peter had the shopping bag in his hands but had at least gotten James to promise that they wouldn’t start opening packs until they had gotten their snacks. Snacks turned out to be a massive soft pretzel for Peter, steaming apple dumplings for Sirius, and a towering cone of ice cream for James. Peter and Sirius both looked at the other boy like he was mad as he devoured the cold confection while it was absolutely freezing outside. Sirius himself had chosen the warmest snack he could.

They were sitting at one of the stone tables scattered throughout the eatery section of Diagon Alley. Sirius was facing out towards the street, leaning his back against the table, and watching the people go by. James and Peter were beginning to open their cards, chattering excitedly whenever they got a new one. Sirius loved this. He was with his friends and he felt like himself. Part of him was still distracted though. His nose and ears were cold and the biting sensation was even creeping through his clothes as they sat on the stonework. Remus must be utterly freezing. 

Maybe he could bring some hot chocolate to his friend? Remus would lose his mind over the stuff. Sirius tended to prefer tea himself but Remus would love the sugary warm drink. He smiled even as he thought about how Remus would sniff at it, realize it was chocolate, and then devour it. He’d need to make sure he didn’t burn his tongue. James stuck his cold hand against Sirius’ neck and he yelped.

“What was that for?” Sirius said, spinning around.

“You were off in space.” James said with a laugh. “What were you thinking about?”

Sirius hunched his shoulders and wrapped his scarf about his neck more firmly. “Thinking about how much Gryffindors are a bunch of brats.” He scowled.

“You’re a Gryffindor.” Peter said in amusement.

“And I’m absolutely a brat.” Sirius shot back and Peter laughed.

“Brats would do far less studying than you do, Black.” The blonde boy said, and Sirius was impressed with his boldness today. Something was shifting between him and Peter. Perhaps the week apart was enough for Sirius’ jealousy to dissipate and Peter was picking up on that. They were officially in the same crew and Peter felt bold enough to josh with him. 

“You make an excellent point, Peter.” Sirius said with a solemn nod of his head. “I will endeavor to be as lackluster in classes as you are.”

“Oi!” Peter sat up straighter and tried to look annoyed, but it slipped away to a grin and a laugh. “Best do. Girls hate bookworms, you know?”

James snickered and leaned across the table. “How do you know what girls like, Peter?”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Everyone knows that girls like bad boys, James.”

James seemed to contemplate this. “All girls like bad boys?”

“Uhuh, I think so.” Peter said, sounding very confident in his answer for a boy that was only eleven. “I mean all the girls in the school seem to be head over heels for Lucius Malfoy and he’s a slime, right?”

“Yeah but that's because he’s got a nice jawline.” Sirius said with a shrug.

James looked at him. “Does he?” His brows furrowed. “I didn’t notice that.”

Sirius sighed “I’ve had to hear my cousin Narcissa talk about it for a week straight. Trust me, girls apparently like really nice jawlines.”

“What makes a nice jawline?” Peter said, his eyebrows raising as he touched his own round face.

James smiled at his friend easily. “You’ve for sure got one, Petey. Now we just need to work on our bad boy streaks. More pranks!”

Peter groaned as Sirius nodded eagerly. “More pranks” They agreed, though one was far more enthusiastic than the other. They spent the next half hour chatting and sorting through the Quidditch cards before Sirius stretched out with a pleased noise.

“So what are we doing next?”

James paused then and looked around. He went from talking wildly to being very serious. Peter and Sirius both knew something was up and leaned forward a little.

“I need to show you something.” James said, quickly packing up the cards and standing.

The other boys followed suit, looking at each other curiously. James dragged them both into a little alley off the side of the street. Sirius wondered why his friend needed it all to be so secretive. James looked around again and then pulled his satchel forward. 

“My dad gave me this for Christmas, after you left Peter.”

He pulled out a long swath of shimmering fabric and Sirius leaned forward to touch it. It felt like a strange and wondrous material, almost like water slipping through his hands. The colors seemed to shift and shimmer in the light and it seemed to be the most luxurious thing Sirius had ever seen.

“What is it?”

James grinned and stepped back and lifted it up to reveal the length of it.

“Just a cloak?” Peter said. “I mean it's a really cool cloak and all, bit big, but I don’t get- Holy Shit!”

Holy Shit indeed. In the middle of Peter talking James had swept the cloak about his shoulders and vanished. Partially vanished, his head was still floating there grinning. 

“It's an invisibility cloak.” He declared proudly

Sirius’ mouth popped open and then snapped shut. “Well that is worlds better than the Slytherin themed dress robes my mother got me.” He joked.

James laughed and then pulled the cloak up more and he was gone completely. Sirius had no idea where he was until he heard Peter let out a shriek of surprise and grab at his ear. “James!”

“Wet willy!” James crowed in delight and he sounded close. Sirius had the presence of mind to duck before his friend did the same to him.

James appeared again then and held out the cloak. “Isn’t it just amazing? Dad says it's been passed down in our family for ages. He gave it to me and said not to tell mum yet because she wanted him to wait until I was a bit older. Dad knows that this has potential for a good prank though.” James grinned.

“Boy does it.” Peter said in amazement “Can I try it?”

Sirius would have held on jealously to a present like that, but James stepped forward and swept it about Peter’s shoulders for him. Peter vanished and Sirius could only hear his dramatic gasp.

“I’m really invisible?” his voice said “I thought I would feel different!”

“I thought that too at first.” James said with a nod. “But you’re really invisible. It's really powerful magic too. I tried stuff on it and it's just really really tough. I’ve been using it to sneak and get midnight snacks and stuff. Also took a walk about the town, all invisible.”

Peter’s head reappeared. “James this is amazing. How many pranks do you already have planned?”

James tilted his chin with a proud smirk. “Seventeen.”

“Eighteen.” Sirius whispered as things began to slowly click into place in his mind.

“Yeah?” James said eagerly. “You’ve got a prank? See I knew we could worm you out of that stuffy shell of yours.”

Sirius rolled his eyes at his friend and then grabbed onto the strap of his own satchel. “It's less like a prank, really...More like a rescue. Look lads, there are some big things that I need to do and that cloak would, well it would solve a lot of problems.”

James titled his head and furrowed his brows. “How big are these problems, exactly?”

“Ummm...Life and death?” Sirius said, scratching the back of his head. “Not for me, but for a friend. A really good friend.”

James beamed at him. “Any friend of yours is a friend of mine, Sirius.”

“And mine!” Peter declared with a firm nod.

Sirius looked between the two of them. “It could be really dangerous.”

“Sounds fun.” James said. 

“Could land us in a lot of trouble.”

“Sounds unlikely.” Peter said.

“Could go down in history as literally the coolest thing any group of mates ever did.”

“I’m in.” James and Peter said in unison.

“Okay.” Sirius took a deep breath. “First we need to go get some hot chocolate and then I need you two to listen to everything I have to say and do whatever I need, alright?”

“Alright.”

*  *  *

Remus could feel the Full Moon coming and he found himself more irritated by the freezing cold than ever. His mind wanted him to move, to pace about and growl, but his body was so frozen and stiff that he simply couldn’t. At least one thing about the coming moon was good, the closer he got to the night of it seemed the warmer his body tended to run. What should have been nights that were completely impossible for a child with no body fat to survive, he did. 

Thoughts of Sirius had kept him going as well, providing him with the warmth of hope. Ever since their little Christmas together he had felt much better about his lot in life. He felt like things were going to work out somehow, and soon. Whenever he did get sad again he would play with the tiny plastic car that he’d gotten in his cracker. It was the only toy he’d ever owned and he loved it perhaps more than a boy his age should. He would lay on his side, wrapped in Sirius’ robe, and roll the car about with his finger. It brought him great joy to navigate it through a course imagined in his own mind. Distantly he knew it was silly but he imagined a tiny Sirius and Remus sitting inside the car. They were driving to the ocean, just because Remus had told Sirius he wanted to see it, and they had a big bunch of food in the back seat. There was loud music playing and it was sunny, so incredibly sunny, and warm. The windows would be open so that Remus wouldn’t feel all caged in and Sirius would be grinning and laughing and things would be good. 

Today he was lying near the front of his cage because it was the area where the most sunlight fell. It had been a lovely and quiet day with very little disturbances. He’d briefly seen The Owner but the man hadn’t even looked in his direction. Remus hadn’t gotten fed and his stomach was growling loudly.

“Hiya Moony!” A bright voice said and Remus sat up as he saw Sirius approaching.

His friends arms were filled and Remus could smell the food he was holding. He leaned forward eagerly as Sirius stepped forward and began sliding things through the bars for Remus. 

“I tried to get a bunch of warm stuff. Soup and bread, um...that's a soft pretzel there, and this is a meat pie.”

Remus reached for the meat pie first, biting into it ravenously. It only took him a few bites and then it was gone. He’d barely even tasted it beyond the fact that it was good and warm. He reached for the pretzel next and that was gone. He slowed down a bit on the soup and bread but not by much. Sirius just leaned against the bars and waited for him. When Remus had devoured the food his friend passed him a cup.

“This is hot chocolate.” Sirius said. “It should be okay to drink soon but it's really hot now.”

Remus wrapped his hands around the cup and sighed as the warmth coated his fingers and tingled its way up his arms. He pulled his knees to his chest and reveled in the little center of warmth the hot chocolate provided. It smelled amazing. Remus knew his senses were heightened around a full moon but this substance smelled like the best thing ever. He almost didn’t want to drink it so the warmth and smell wouldn’t go away. Remus took a tentative sip of the drink and his eyes shut with the pure delight of it. He tried to drink it slowly, he really did, but before he knew it the hot chocolate was gone and its absence made him the tiniest bit grumpy.

“Should have brought you two.” Sirius said with a smirk.

Remus tilted his chin and nodded. “Should have.”

Sirius then looked...bashful? Nervous? Remus leaned forward. 

“Sirius? It's fine you didn’t bring me two.” He said, not understanding why his friend looked on edge.

Sirius shook his head. “It's not that. Okay. I have a really big thing to ask of you and whatever you say I’ll listen and do what you want. I just wanted to ask first.”

Remus was curious now. “Go on.”

His friend sucked in his breath. “I’ve been struggling with how to get you out, Remus.” He admitted. “I’ve studied a lot and I think I have the spells all down, but I’m still learning and things go wrong. Also I haven’t really figured out how to get you through town unseen and all that stuff.”

Remus’ shoulders sagged and his heart felt like it was breaking. That's why Sirius had brought him so much food. His friend was admitting that he was abandoning him. Remus felt his face go blank and he just nodded as Sirius spoke. He really shouldn’t rest all his hopes and dreams on the shoulders of one boy.

“Because realistically we have to do it after the full moon, right before I go back to school, and then somehow we need to get you on the train and even if all my spells go right that was the part I couldn’t figure out.”

“It's fine.” Remus said.

“I tried so many spells. Shrinking spells, confusion spells, smoke screens. All of it was just causing me such trouble and I couldn’t finish the plan.”

“Sirius!” Remus barked “It's fine!”

Sirius shut up and then realization dawned on his face “Moony!” His friend’s hands gripped the bars and there was that lovable grin “That's what I’m saying. It's fine now. I solved it.”

Remus blinked and leaned forward “You solved it? Really?”

Sirius nodded “I have the full plan now, Moony. Start to finish. When I return to Hogwarts, you’re returning with me. I just need, well, I need some help. From my friends James and Peter. I haven’t told them about you, but I would like to. I would like for you to meet them. Um, today.”

Remus stared at Sirius as the words sank in. Oh. What did he feel about that? Not much. Even with the food in him he was still distant and tired. He felt like it was most likely a bad idea. Sirius was just about the only person he’d ever met that cared about a werewolf.

“They won’t like me, Sirius.” He said quietly. “And they won’t help me. Does your plan rely on them wanting to help me?”

Sirius chewed on his lip and nodded. “It does. James has an invisibility cloak, Remus. We could properly hide you. Moony, they’ll like you.”

“I don’t trust them.”

“Okay. So trust me.” Sirius said. His voice sounded bold and proud and Remus wanted to remind him not to have such a big head. At the same time he wanted to listen to Sirius. Sirius’ grey eyes pleaded with him and Remus didn’t feel like arguing right now.

“They’re going to kill me.” Remus informed Sirius.

“James and Peter?” Sirius gasped “Moony! No they won’t!”

“Not your friends, Sirius. That's not what I…” He pointed his finger towards his sign, the one that talked about harvesting. “The Owner hasn’t been around at all. The cages are emptying out. I’ve seen people walking about the Menagerie that are different from the normal type. It might be this full moon, or the one after that, but it's coming.”

Sirius looked pale and shaky and he reached through the bars to grab at Remus’ hand and squeezed it tightly. “I won’t let them.”

Remus sat quietly, his own hand limp in Sirius’ vice grip. He leaned his head forward against the bars. He wished his brain wasn’t so sluggish so he could think. He didn’t have many options. He was already trusting one boy, what were a few more? He wanted to live so badly and this was his chance to do that. Finally he squeezed Sirius’ hand back.

“Okay.” He said, lifting his gaze to meet Sirius’ fiercely. “I’ll trust you, Sirius.”

Sirius looked relieved beyond belief and squeezed Remus’ hand again before letting go. “I’ll go grab them but I also brought you some warm things.”

Sirius pulled a sweater out as well as socks. Remus reached for them reverently. He shifted out of his borrowed bathrobe long enough to pull the sweater on. It hung on his skinny frame though the sleeves were too short. It smelled like Sirius and he loved it. He didn’t think he’d ever gotten to wear anything on his torso and being wrapped in it was like a hug. It also covered up all his scars which was a welcome relief. Maybe Sirius’ friends wouldn’t gawk so much. He tugged the socks on next and instantly wrinkled his nose in displeasure.

“Eugh, these are horrible. Why do people wear them?”

“What? But your feet have to be freezing!” Sirius laughed at Remus’ obvious displeasure.

Remus for his part had flopped onto his back and kicked a foot into the air. “But you can’t feel anything! It's so trapping. How can you stand it?” Still he would keep them on because they were at least warm.

He sat up as he heard Sirius giggling even more. “Moony you don’t need to feel things with your feet, you have hands.”

“Why would I limit myself when I have four perfectly capable limbs?” Remus said simply. He was feeling loads better with the food digesting in his system and his new sweater hugging him. He tugged the black bathrobe back on. “Feet are just as good as hands.”

“Wait until you try shoes, Moony.”

Remus huffed out a breath. Trap his feet even more? No thank you. “Do they require shoes at Hogwarts?”

“Part of the uniform.”

“Buggering shit.” Remus mumbled a phrase he heard wizards say when they were disgruntled. He scratched at the old scar on his cheek. “I’ll find a way around that one.”

Sirius burst into further delighted laughter and pressed his face against the bars. “Moony? I can’t wait to hug you.”

Remus nodded “Me too. Go get your friends.”

*  *  *

Sirius had left James and Peter out in Diagon Alley with explicit instructions not to move. He almost expected them to be gone, but there they were. They were actually listening to him and he could have hugged them both for realizing this was serious.

James glanced up and smiled at him before hopping to his feet. “We opened all the rest of the cards. Got some really really good ones, but we’ll tell you about it later. How did it go, meet with your friend?”

“He wants to meet you guys.” Sirius said with a nod. “So follow me.”

Sirius led the two boys back through Diagon Alley and started down the path to Knockturn, passing the sign with no issue. By now he had walked this route so many times that he had forgotten that most people avoided this path like the plague.

“Woah. Wait!” James grabbed at his arm and dragged him back. “Sirius, what are you doing? We can’t go down there, that's Knockturn Alley!”

“So?” Sirius glanced between his friends and noticed the fear etched on their faces. Peter kept furtively glancing down the alleyway and looked about ready to run.

“So? We’re not allowed. My mum would be furious if she knew we were going to Knockturn!” James said “Besides that it's dangerous. There are all sorts who congregate there. People who practice dark magic and stuff like that. The shops there are supposed to sell only bad things that you can’t get in Diagon.”

“James. I go there all the time.” Sirius informed his friend, feeling terribly full of himself for a few moments as he viewed the shock on both of their faces. If his hair was longer he would have tossed it proudly.

“Sure” He said with an overly-casual shrug of his shoulders “It's scary at first but you get used to it. Stick with me and there won’t be an issue.”

His friends looked a bit in awe of him and Sirius felt cool. It felt rather good to feel cool as well.

“Didn’t you want to work on your bad boy streaks?” He reminded both his friends as well. James and Peter looked at one another. James quirked an eyebrow, Peter shrugged, James nodded, and Peter sighed.

“Okay.” James said. “But we need to be really quick about it. It's almost time to meet back up with my mum.”

Sirius nodded and strode into Knockturn Alley with far more confidence than he usually entered with. He still walked fast though, and kept to the sides, and tried not to make eye contact with anyone else on the streets or look into the shop windows. He led them directly to the Magical Menagerie and then paused outside. He turned back and looked between them both.

“This is my best friend.” Sirius said. “And he means a lot to me. I know that people like him get talked about negatively a lot in the wizarding world and I won’t stand for it, okay?”

Sirius didn’t know what else to say to explain everything so he just turned and led them into the menagerie and to the back. Remus was sitting there cross legged in his cage and Sirius noted he looked blank and emotionless, like back when Sirius had first met him. He heard a sharp intake of breath behind him and he didn’t know if it came from James or Peter. Sirius walked forward to the cage and smiled at Remus.

“This is James and Peter.” Sirius said, pointing out each of his friends. Remus gave a wary nod to each.

“Remus.” He said simply, and Sirius knew it meant a lot for the boy to give out his name like that.

James took a few steps forward and Peter tried to stop him.

“James” the boy whispered desperately. 

James gave his friend a smile “Take your time.” He said simply before walking up to the cage and offering his hand. 

“Hi Remus, I’m James.”

Remus eyed the hand warily but eventually reached out to shake it. Sirius saw James flinch, just before the contact, and he was sure Remus noticed as well. But James relaxed into it as soon as he realized that Remus really was quite ordinary. He smiled then, and Sirius let out the breath he had been holding. Sirius glanced at Peter who was watching James. Peter came forward then, looking a bit bashful, and offered his own hand. Remus shook that as well. 

“Sorry.” Peter said, glancing aside. “I’ve never met a werewolf. They made us read some pretty scary stuff in school.”

Remus looked up at Sirius at this and then back to James and Peter. “Do I look scary to you?” Remus asked in a deadpan tone.

“No.” James answered quickly. “You just look like a boy.”

Remus nodded.

Sirius knew that Remus could be scary, he’d seen him as the wolf, but he also knew that Remus’ heart wasn’t a bit scary at all, and that was the part that mattered. Still the revelation of what Sirius’ best friend was seemed to be enough to shock James to silence, and Peter followed suit. Sirius could feel the awkwardness hanging in the air and he stepped forward and leaned against the bars.

“I’m going to break Remus out of this cage and take him to Hogwarts.” He said. “James I want to ask a major favor and use the invisibility cloak. Actually...I’d like it if both of you would help.”

James looked up with wide eyes and Peter gasped. Remus withdrew slightly and just watched the interactions with his intent gaze.

“He’s a werewolf!” Peter said, gesturing to the sign. Sirius felt his temper flare up and he took a step towards Peter, glaring at him.

“They’re going to kill him, Peter. Did you even read the sign?”

Peter shook his head and Sirius grabbed his arm and dragged him over it, pointing down at the words. James joined them and read as well.

“Oh. Shit.” James said, and glanced up at Remus.

Peter winced as he read. “I didn’t know.” He admitted and Sirius nodded. He knew Peter hadn’t known. He needed to let it go and move on. He needed their help.

“Remus needs our help, lads.” He said “I know it's big but...nobody deserves to be locked up in a cage, right? Unless they are like a murderer or something, but Remus isn’t that. Please. I’ll owe you both for life if you help me with this.”

James looked at Sirius for a few long moments, nodding slowly. However it was Peter that ultimately broke the silence.

“Four beds.” The boy said

James and Sirius both looked at him as if he’d lost his mind. “What?”

“Four beds.” Peter repeated as if it was obvious. “Remember when we moved in and the prefects made a huge fuss about dorm room assignments? And then we ended up with a fourth bed in our room even though everyone else had the correct number of beds? I think Hogwarts knows.”

James’ face lit up at this and he smacked Peter on the back. “Get out of here! That's brilliant! It means we literally can’t fail, can we? Hogwarts is already expecting Remus!”

Sirius looked at his two friends and beamed at them both before seizing them up in a tight hug. “Thank you.” He said fiercely before letting go of them and rushing over to smile at Remus. 

“After the full moon.” He promised. “We’re getting you out.”

Remus still looked wary and unsure, but he met Sirius’ eyes and gave him a nod. “I’m trusting you.”

Chapter Text

Remus could feel the deep ache in his bones that came with the morning of a Full Moon. He wanted to whine and squirm and scratch into his skin and he wasn’t even the wolf yet. Today hurt, which meant it was going to be a bad moon. He felt like throwing his head back and howling and kicking. He hated today. Tomorrow was going to be 1972 and he was grumpy. 

“Stupid socks.” He grumbled, picking at the foul things on his feet. Admittedly it was nice to have warm feet, but at the cost of such comfort! Everything about walking in them felt funny and wrong. He felt unconnected to the ground and his toes felt so constricted. He felt clumsy as well, with his feet caged up like this, and his center of balance was already far too high due to his ever growing height. The sweater he had no complaints over. He felt amazing in it. It wrapped around him like a hug and slid gently along his aching skin. The Owner had laughed at him but hadn’t taken it away, and hadn’t questioned where it had come from. It was one more sign that The Owner saw his time as drawing to a close.

“Get your comforts where you can, Little Wolf.” He laughed, “That's all the lot of us can do.”

Remus had glowered at the man when he said this, wanting him to just shut up and go away. He was angry and he wanted to stay like that until the stupid moon was over. Once it was over Sirius would come back and they could go to Hogwarts together. 

Remus growled down in frustration at his feet. The second he was at Hogwarts he was not going to wear socks. Surely the castle would be kept warm with magic if it wasn’t, then wizards were idiots. Sirius said socks and shoes were required but Remus would find some sort of way to get around that. He refused to be held back by tiny cloth prisons in his new life.

“Horrid awful terrible things” Remus lifted his foot up again and glared at the grey sock, sodden with snow. He sighed heavily and flopped onto his back. The movement jostled his spine and he let out a whine. It wasn’t a good sign that he hurt so much already. There were hours to go before the evening and he had nothing better to do but to stare up at the sky and sulk.

*  *  *

Sirius fixed his hair in the mirror and scowled at his reflection. His hair was flat and smooth against his skull and his ears stuck out too much. His hair was longer since he’d gone to Hogwarts, but still only curling softly against the back of his neck. He wished it was longer like Remus’ was.

“Stupid hair.” He said, fussing with it just enough to release some of the gel that his mother had smeared on. His scalp had felt fresh air for the first time in years since going to Hogwarts. He was now stoutly against having it slicked down. He knew, however, that he wasn’t going to battle mother on this. He finally had his voice back and he didn’t want to cross any lines.

Tonight at the New Years Eve party he was going to be a decent son. He wasn’t going to cause any trouble and he was just going to get through the evening. Most of his family, as well as other purebloods, were going to be present. He really had no desire to go but it was necessary. He would keep his head down and not get Silencio cast on him again. He would need his voice to get to Diagon Alley for the plan.

He’d made another Wiggenweld potion this morning while his mother was distracted with getting ready for the party. He needed to get it to Remus this time since his friend’s stock had run out. He had promised Remus that he would be the first one to his cage, far before James and Peter, so that Remus could heal before the others saw him like that. His mind was really not here tonight. It was off in Knockturn Alley. He was worried about his friend and the failing Menagerie. He felt like he should be there, though what he could do was limited, he just knew that Remus was what mattered, not this party. 

He adjusted the black lace at his neck and stepped back to see himself a bit better in the mirror. The dress robes had adjusted to fit him perfectly and he thought that they were rather nice. He just couldn’t help but wish that the emerald was burgundy. He was struggling slightly with that realization. For so long he had lived in the trappings of black, emerald, and silver and the warm burgundy and gold of Gryffindor was exhilarating to him. It had life.

“It's just a color.” He reminded himself, looking at the green trimmed cuffs. At least it wasn’t werewolf fur.

He heard a knock on the door and Andromeda stuck her head in. “Malfoys are here, chin up. Wow, don’t you look like the dashing young heir to a stuck up rich family.” She teased.

Sirius grinned, instantly feeling better than his cool older cousin was going to be here for the whole party. At least he wouldn’t be the only one completely unamused by this party.

Sirius gave a little pose, tossing his hair and planting a hand on his waist. “Do I look sufficiently pureblooded?”

“Oh absolutely. You look positively ready to sneer at a muggle.”

“Indeed.” Sirius said as pompous as he could manage, tilting his nose in the air.

Andromeda smiled at him fondly. She looked equally aristocratic, dressed in a navy blue crushed velvet dress and with her curly hair swept up into a black ribbon. With her hair pulled back from her face she truly looked like Bellatrix, except the set of her mouth was playful and the look in her eyes was kind. Sirius thought she looked beautiful and he told her as much. Andromeda just laughed and self consciously patted her hair.

The door flew open again and Regulus entered “My hair won’t stay put!” He declared. “Oh. Hi Andromeda.”

“I’ll leave you two it. Be down quick.” Andromeda said before leaving.

“Come here.” Sirius beckoned Reg forward. 

He knew that Reg had a stubborn cowlick on the back of his head and, sure enough, it was causing an awkward bump in the back of his hair. He pressed his hands there and smoothed it out. There was enough gel in the boy’s hair to get it to stay down with a firm hand. 

Regulus was dressed in his new robes as well. Sirius found it hard not to stare at the silvery fur and not feel sick. Perhaps a year ago he would have thought the same thing as Regulus; that werewolf dress robes were grand and cool. Now he knew that werewolves were people as well and that they certainly shouldn’t be slaughtered to adorn clothing. It twisted his stomach to know that they could be seen as commodities. He settled his hands on Regulus’ shoulders, careful not to touch the fur, and made his brother step back.

“Yeah there. Hair is fixed.” He nodded “Unfortunately I can do nothing about your face.”

“My face?” Reg ducked under Sirius’ arm to view the mirror. There was nothing on his face.

Sirius laughed and his brother stuck his tongue out at him. “Well yeah? Yours is ugly too!” He said with all the vitriol of a younger brother who didn’t have a proper retort.

Sirius shoved at him fondly. “Come on, best get down there.”

Both brothers started downstairs to the sound of polite chatter filling the house. For parties, mother cast an expansion charm on the drawing room. When they stepped inside it was several sizes bigger than it normally was, more than enough room to house Sirius’ extended family as well as the family as a few other prominent pureblood houses. The piano in the corner was enchanted to play idle classical music at an acceptable level to sink into the background. Mother had also cast a few decorations and floating candles towards the ceiling and corners of the room, though nothing over the top and gaudy. Sirius wondered what Hogwarts would look like on this night, probably fit to bursting with decorations. The food was probably also better as well, though mother had a buffet table at the side lined with fancy looking appetizers and elegant finger foods. Most of the food looked very grown up and boring. Sirius could swear he saw half a lime with a few curling tentacles sticking out of it. Who would eat that? At least he could see some dessert items too.

Sirius recognized the Malfoys and the Lestranges and there were others that he knew he had met before but he hadn’t cared to remember all their names. The names of boring adults were terribly insignificant to a child. Nor did it matter that these were part of the sacred twenty-eight and supposedly were the epitome of wizarding society. They were dull. He and Regulus stuck together as they navigated the party. They had to say a few polite hellos but eventually they had dutifully made their way around the room and tucked back in a corner together. They would be noticed, eventually, and paraded about or asked questions, but for now they were safe to put their heads together and chatter.

“I thought we would get to spend more time together.” Reg said, absentmindedly petting the cuff of his robes.

Sirius had to focus on not looking at his brother’s hand as he spoke. “Me too. Should have figured that mother wouldn’t want to even think of me existing this break.”

“You didn’t have to run away on Christmas. Where did you go, anyways?”

“To see a friend.”

“James?” Regulus said with a little sneer.

“Oh don’t be all jealous, Reg. You’re going to come to Hogwarts soon enough and make all your own friends too.”

Reg huffed and shot a tiny glare Sirius’ way. “You said when I came to Hogwarts we were still going to be best friends. Us against the world. You promised.”

“I know I promised.” He bumped his shoulder gently against his brother’s. “And we will be. Just that I didn’t know about making friends back then. It's great to have a whole bunch of friends. When you come to Hogwarts I’ll make sure you meet James and Peter and Remus. Every one of my friends. They’ll be your friends too.”

“Just not the mudbloods.”

Sirius looked at his brother sharply. “Why not?”

“Sirius, you know why not.” Reg said, glancing towards their closest relative. “Because they are mudbloods. That's all that matters.”

Sirius scoffed. “Well I don’t think that's all that matters. I think a lot of people I meet that are mudbloods are really great. And anyways, my friend Lily says that's a nasty word.”

“What?”

“Mudblood! It's nasty. It's…” Sirius frowned. Lily had gotten rather pissed at him when he’d used it and he hadn’t known why. She’d tried to stomp off but Sirius had practically begged her to explain what he’d done wrong. Once she realized he genuinely didn’t know she had conceded. 

“She told me it's hateful. That people use it just to be cruel and unkind.”

Reg shrugged. “It's just what they are, Sirius.”

“They’re muggle born! That's all! I mean. Would you want to be told that your veins were filled with mud? Or like…” He struggled to explain a concept he was still trying to learn himself. “It's a word designed to make people feel less. That's wrong.”

“But they are.” Regulus said, staring at his brother strangely.

“Why?” Sirius snapped at his brother, not caring when several people glanced over. “Why are they? It doesn’t make any sense, Regulus! Just wait until you go to school. You don’t know anything yet!”

Regulus stuck his lip out in a frustrated pout and glared at his brother. “You don’t know anything either! You’re only a first year. Mother and father say they are, so they are. They know way more than you do.”

“I think…” Sirius glanced towards the room. People had gotten sucked back to their own conversations. “I think mother and father might be wrong, Reg.”

Regulus looked at him like he had grown two heads. “You’re crazy, Sirius, and you’re only going to get yourself into trouble saying stuff like that. I’m going to get a cookie.”

With that Regulus got up and stomped off. Sirius watched him go and felt an uncomfortable twist in his stomach. He and Reg fought a lot, of course they did. They were both hotheaded and cooped up in a flat all their lives together. They fought and bickered and were sometimes downright cruel to one another. But they were also very good at making up. They would wrestle or poke fun and then things would be forgiven. 

He wasn’t going to apologize this time though. As the elder brother he was rather used to getting his way. He would stubbornly stick to his way when he wanted something, and eventually it would be Reg who would bend and apologize and do anything to get Sirius’ attention back on him. Sirius was used to having a little brother who adored him, hung on his every word, and ultimately backed him up. But he knew that the influence of mother and father was so strong, especially on Regulus. Sirius had always had a bit of a trouble streak whereas Regulus had always done whatever mother desired. Sirius bit his lip and looked down. What would he do if he didn’t have Regulus on his side?

*  *  *

Remus paced about his cage as the evening began to darken. He could feel it coming. His joints felt like they were burning as he stalked from one side of the cage to the other and back again. He rolled his shoulders and felt the pain crackle along his spine. The day had only made him more and more agitated. He shot a dark look over to the small gathering watching him pace. This crowd was different. The Owner had closed the Menagerie and then later allowed only a group of six witches and wizards in. There was no fence this time and there was no drinking and laughter. Remus knew exactly who these people were and he hated them for it. Hunters. Harvesters. Whatever they liked to be called. He knew that they watched him with a smug sort of understanding. They had seen all this before and they knew how to deal with a werewolf like him. He supposed he was an easy target as well, being a small gangly thing of only eleven. 

His senses were heightened on days like this and he had picked up some of their murmurings. Talking about his long legs or his hair. Talking about how it was a shame he was missing one fang already. Remarking on his malnourishment and his energy levels. If he was the wolf he would have ripped them to bits. But he wasn’t the wolf right now, he was just Remus. Remus who was very scared and very alone. He didn’t think they were here to take him apart tonight but he couldn’t be sure. They seemed to just be observing him, walking around the three sides of his cage they had access to, and making little comments to one another.

“We can get an idea of his bite tonight.” One of the wizards mused to his companion as though Remus wasn’t right there glaring at him. “Youngling shouldn’t have too much to him, all things considered. Big paws on the lad though, eh?”

The witch he was speaking to laughed and nodded. “I have a buyer for that already. Wants a ottoman with werewolf clawed feet.”

“How incredibly tacky.”

“Oh absolutely, but those pureblood idiots will pay anything for a bit of faff!”

Remus barely realized the feral growl rising from his throat until the two glanced over at him and shared an amused little look. The wizard sauntered up, crossing his arms and smirking at Remus.

“Hush now, Cub. You’ll be dead long before we lop your paws off. We do have hearts, you know?”

Remus snarled at the man and spun away, stalking across to the other side of the cage. He couldn’t do anything. He thought about what Sirius had said many months ago, that he might have magic but he couldn’t access it. He wanted it now. Even if he could only make a little light or something like Sirius had shown him. He would have felt more capable then of effecting change in his own life. It was agonizing to have to rely completely on other people. When he got out of this cage he was going to do so much on his own. 

He twisted his hands together and then looked down at them. He hadn’t realized he was shaking. He didn’t want them to take away his hands, or his teeth, or a single bit of him. He liked himself the way he was. Even with his scars he still liked being Remus. He was scared, terrified, that someone could make him stop being Remus. To stop existing. He hugged his arms around himself and hunched his shoulders. He just needed to stop listening to them and deal with the coming moon. The wolf was stronger than he was, Remus would let the wolf handle it.

*  *  *

Sirius absolutely hated mingling with his family. They were so dull and they all asked the same sorts of questions. Why hadn’t he gotten into Slytherin? How were his studies going? Did he find himself challenged by the Hogwarts curriculum? He answered these things again and again with routine answers. Most of these people he didn’t really remember who they were. He just knew they all looked like him, or they were close family friends.

He got sucked into one truly awful encounter when he drifted past his mother and Aunt Druella talking to someone that he thought was a Lestrange, or possibly a Crabbe. The women were all talking about marriages, with Aunt Druella proudly extolling that her Bella was going to be marrying someone named Rodolphus and that Narcissa was surely going to be engaged to Lucius Malfoy before the end of her schooling. 

“And what about your son, Walburga?” The other woman had asked, shooting a look at Sirius who was just trying to sneak by to get something to drink. Walburga eyed him sharply and beckoned him over. Aunt Druella and the other woman looked him up and down shrewdly.

“He does clean up fine enough.” his Aunt Druella said. “Still it is such a shame about those ears. No girl would find those fetching.”

His mother made a noncommittal noise and sipped her wine as she too stared at Sirius. Sirius shifted from foot to foot and tried not to clench his hands. He felt so awkward, being appraised for the slaughter.

“Is he smart?” The woman asked.

“Passably.” Walburga informed him. “Of course I wouldn’t allow any one of my sons to be anything less than exemplary, but Sirius did struggle when he was younger.”

“My Narcissa was the same. We worked it out of her.” Aunt Druella said with a nod.

“Children need a firm hand.” The woman said and all three nodded sagely.

“Sirius of course has my proclivity for potions though.” Walburga said as if it was obvious. It was probably the closest thing Sirius had ever gotten to a compliment, even if it was just to brag in front of her friends. Despite what he had just told Regulus hours ago he couldn’t help the way he stood up straighter and set his chin higher. His mother showing any sort of pride in his being made him only crave more. 

“Oh? Potions then. Will he step into your work, Walburga?” Aunt Druella asked.

Walburga sniffed “Unlikely. Sirius is the heir to our family. He will be busy enough.”

The woman chuckled. “Best get him married off soon.”

Sirius balked at this and looked sharply at his mother. She only tilted her head and sighed. “Really it is a shame about the ears.” She said, agreeing with her sister-in-law’s long ago statement.

Sirius wanted to duck his head and clasp his hands over his ears which had gone bright red. He’d never liked them but were they really truly that bad? His mother and aunt seemed to agree it made him ugly. Not that he wanted to get married or anything, no way, but he didn’t want to look funny to girls either!

“You know they are coming out with new cosmetic spells and products every day.” The woman said, sipping at her wine.

Walburga looked at her sharply. “I hardly think that is necessary. My son needs no alteration. I agree the ears are flawed but we are Blacks. We do not need frivolous spells. Spells like that are designed to help mudbloods and halfbloods feel better about their low station.”

“Everyone wants an aristocratic nose.” Druella said, lifting her own a bit higher.

“Indeed.” Walburga agreed. “Filthy. Honestly just filthy. They aren’t fooling anyone.”

Sirius had no idea how a nose could possibly make one look rich and posh. Adults were so weird. He wondered if he would be able to sneak away. He had seen someone walking by with a slice of cake and he desperately would like some. New Years was pointless except for the desserts. He stared past his mother’s shoulder and tried not to yawn as the minutes ticked by. They were still talking about him, he kept hearing his name, but he had no desire to engage with any of this. 

He wasn’t supposed to engage anyways. He was supposed to stand there and be examined. His bum itched. His mother would absolutely kill him if he itched his bum right now. He wondered what kind of cookies there were. Maybe the sharp little lemon ones he liked? What time was it anyhow? Surely it had already slipped into 1972 and all this nonsense could be over with. Pureblood nonsense. Oh, Remus. Remus would hate this party so much. Sirius would have loved to hear his grumbles about it.

“Shame about Gryffindor.” He heard his aunt say and he keyed back into the conversation.

Walburga shot her sister-in-law a dark look and nodded stiffly. “Orion and I have already fixed the transgression.” She said smoothly. “Gryffindor is only a slight aberration in Sirius’ path to excellence.”

Walburga looked at Sirius and it took him a few moments to realize that right now she wanted him to speak. He took a breath and then nodded. 

“Yes mother.” He said dutifully. His earlier bravado with Reg was gone. “Gryffindor is unfortunate, of course, however it will not affect my overall performance in school.”

Walburga gave a thin smile and Aunt Druella and the other woman nodded.

“Of course this all goes without saying.” Walburga said. “The Black family does not make mistakes.”

*  *  *

Remus had backed himself into a corner and curled in on himself as the moon started to rise. He didn’t want to be seen by these people when he transformed. It hadn’t worked though, one of the wizards had cast a globe of light into his cage and Remus blinked against it. He knew he was going to be fully seen now. Normally he would have taken off his trousers and sweater and set them aside but he didn’t want to undress under the bright white light. So he curled into himself and tried not to think about how they would see his transformation completely. He felt it itching under his skin. The wolf was coming. He pressed his face against his knobbly knees and tried to will it all away. If he squeezed his legs hard enough maybe he could just...hold it in. Just for one night. He told himself not to change. He gritted his teeth harder and harder as he felt the urge to scream. Just for one moon could he not do this? He whimpered pitifully as he felt it begin though. He hadn’t held on hard enough.

He threw back his head and screamed as his jaw moved in a different way, ripping him open as the moon rose over his cage. His arms and legs scrambled, seizing against the pain, and he gave in. 

The wolf rolled easily to its feet moments later and was instantly aggravated by the bright light in its cage. It snapped up at it irritably but it was just as powerless as Remus had been moments ago. The wolf snarled and paced, stalking back and forth and sniffing aggressively at the air. Less prey tonight. Prey smelled like it did not contain fear. The wolf would make prey feel fear.

The wolf threw itself towards the bars of the cage, roaring and snarling. All of Remus’ pent up rage and frustration were coming out now. Months of waiting and wondering, months of pain and sadness, and now the frustration of being on the cusp of something great and being utterly useless at the same time. The wolf didn’t understand these complex emotions, of course, but it could feel them crawling under his skin the same way Remus felt the wolf’s aggression crawling under his own earlier today. 

“Get a test in there!” One of the hunters called to another as the wolf thrashed madly at the bars trying to get to them.

A rabbit was produced by another hunter and extended on a stick. Within moments the wolf had torn it to bits. One of the hunters let out a low pleased whistle.

“There's your answer. Feisty little cub, eh? Glad I drew the long straw and won’t be the one dancing with it next moon.” He laughed.

Another hunter, a witch, glowered and made a rude gesture at him. “You couldn’t have handled it if you had my straw, Bellock.”

The wolf, dripping blood from its fangs, had devoured the rabbit and wanted more. It hadn’t tasted blood in so long and it craved it. The wolf threw back its head and howled. A few of the hunters chuckled at this.

“No pack for you to howl to, Cub.” One joked, more for his mates than for the werewolf in front of them. “You’re all alone.”

“Quit fooling around. Continue the tests.” Another hunter said more brusquely.

“Don’t see why we need to bother with all the tests.” The first one grumbled. “Not like a proper hunt, the thing is in a cage. Could just blast it dead and be done with it.”

The man scoffed in retort. “And waste time and money on a pelt full of fleas? Fangs full of rot? Claws brittle and ready to shatter? Not likely. I want to know that the stock I’m getting is good.”

At this he sent a dark look over to where The Owner was standing. The old wizard cowered a bit but nodded quickly. “Yes yes. I assured you he’s good stock. See his pelt? Fine. Completely fine. The price we set is entirely reasonable! You’ll see! Run your tests!”

The hunter nodded and turned back to his team. “Get out the sticks, will you? The beast clearly wants to play.”

Behind him the wolf howled again and threw itself against the bars.

*  *  *

“Tell me about Gryffindor.”

Sirius barely held back a yawn as his Uncle Alphard sat down heavily beside him. His Uncle Alphard was a large man, which made him stick out in the Black Family. He had the same dark hair and sharp nose, but this was contrasted with soft jowls and drooping eyelids and a belly that strained chairs as he sat. Sirius had always kind of liked Alphard because the man had a habit of laughing too loud at things that nobody found funny. Sirius was getting quite sleepy though, and Uncle Alphard was a loud and all encompassing presence. Why couldn’t he just sit quiet in the corner like he wanted? It was almost midnight and then the party would start winding down and he could sneak out to bring Remus his potion.

“Gryffindor?” Sirius said, rubbing at his face sleepily. “Um it's horrible and everyone wears garish colors.” 

Alphard barked out a laugh that made Sirius jump. Well, that was one way to wake up.

“Now tell me how you really feel.” Alphard said with a wink.

“What do you mean, Sir?”

Alphard shook his head with a sigh “None of that sir nonsense. Can’t stand it. Have you made friends in Gryffindor, then? They always were nice chaps when I was at Hogwarts. Could be a bit full of themselves, but then so could us Slytherins.” He laughed loudly.

Alphard talked differently than the rest of the family. He still had posh undertones, of course, but it was less structured than the others. He sounded more casual and genuine and Sirius thought he might be easy to talk to now that Sirius was entering his little rebellious phase.

“I’ve made friends.” Sirius started slowly, testing the waters. “Mostly purebloods, but some muggle born as well.”

Alphard reached out a hand and clapped Sirius hard on the back. “I knew you had a decent head on those shoulders there, Sirius lad.”

“You did?” Sirius said, trying to recover from the enthusiastic pat that had nearly bowled him out of his chair. Sirius got the feeling that Alphard had no idea how loud and how strong he was. It made Sirius grin a bit, he was sort of like James in that way, at least with the loud bit.

“I remember when you were born. You screamed bloody murder for a week straight. My sister didn’t know what the hell to do with you. You weren’t anything she had planned.” Alphard chuckled. “I think she imagined you would be quiet and well behaved the second you popped on out.”

Sirius blushed a bit at Alphard’s crass language and shifted in his chair. “Oh well, I was a baby.” He said lamely. This caused Alphard to burst into loud laughter that had everyone in the room looking over. Sirius was sure he hadn’t said anything funny but Alphard’s laugh made him laugh for some reason.

“Well anyways.” Alphard wiped some tears of mirth from his eyes. “I knew from that first week that you were going to be a decent sort. Anyone who can ruffle my sister’s feathers is a respectable type in my book.”

Sirius glanced over to where his mother was at the other side of the room. She was talking to the Malfoys now with Regulus at her side. Likely bragging about her youngest. 

“I think I ruffle mother’s feathers a lot.” He remarked.

Alphard nodded. “That you do. It's not a bad thing, you know.”

“Andromeda told me that too.” Sirius said quietly. 

Alphard gave him a kind smile  “Welcome to the flock.”

Sirius frowned at him in confusion. 

“Black sheep of the family, lad. Funny term right? Black sheep. Andromeda came up with it. She’s a bright young thing. We stick out among this lot. Pureblooded, but not pure enough for them, eh? You, me, Andromeda are our own little flock.”

“And Regulus.” Sirius said, looking over to his brother.

Alphard looked at him sadly then and shook his head. “No lad, no I don’t think your brother will join our little family.”

Sirius stood and looked at his uncle firmly. “You don’t know him like I do.” He said “And I’m not going to be part of any stupid flock without him.”

His uncle gave him a smile “Truly a Gryffindor then, huh? Anything for your friends. You can’t always change everyone, Sirius. Nor save them if they don’t think they need it.”

“Yes. I can.” Sirius said, with all the confidence of a twelve year old, and with that he stormed off.

*  *  *

The wolf was exhausted. It lay on its belly, heaving large pants and with foam at the corners of its mouth. It could not stand because its limbs were shaky and streaked with blood. He felt something slap at his back haunch and let out a pitiful low growl.

“Well that's that.” One of the hunters said. “Took to nearly dawn to wear out. High energy for how scrawny he is.”

“Younglings always have more in them than you’d think.” Another hunter said, stepping around the cage, watching the wolf. “But this is decent then. Lenna you might have an easy harvest after all.”

The witch who had drawn the short straw nodded. “I won’t be worried to get in there with that. Look at him.”

The wolf tried to show its strength, tried to stand, but its limbs were twitching so much it couldn’t. He let out a low pained whine before collapsing back down the several inches it had managed. He laid his snout upon his paws. This had never happened before. The wolf had never been exhausted before Remus returned. Always the wolf wanted to run and fight and then it had begrudgingly given over to allowing the human to return. Now the wolf had no energy and did not care it would be leaving soon. 

The night had been rough for the wolf. At first it had seemed like great fun. There were rabbits and sticks to bite and the wolf had been exhilarated to be entertained. But then the hunters had run other tests, shooting things at his side or goading it and then hurting him. The wolf had not understood what was happening except that it was surrounded and hurt and no matter how often he had surged forward to attack it seemed he could not get to them. Even though the hunters stood close to the bars, they danced away easily. They had done this before, with many wolves before him. They were trained to know exactly how to handle and wear down a werewolf.

The wolf let out another huff of exhaustion and closed its eyes. It was ready to give back over to the human. Remus felt his body collapse back down into the small and useless thing it was. The aches and pains washed over him as the dawn sunlight washed over Knockturn Alley. He was still lying on his stomach and he couldn’t move. He wearily managed to drag one arm over his head to shut off a bit of the world. He remembered the night in flashes and his eyes teared up as he remembered the rabbits. He hadn’t ever killed anything as the wolf before. He could still taste the blood in his mouth and felt some of the meat stuck in his back teeth. He felt monstrous for hurting such little innocent things. He hated the hunters for making him do that.

He could hear them making the deal then, talking with The Owner about the next full moon. They seemed jovial and lighthearted even after their own long night. They had assessed Remus and found him decent enough. He could hear them settling on the prices and his stomach squirmed. He was right here and he was a person, and they didn’t care. They wanted his fangs for jewelry and his pelt for clothing and his bones for potions. They wanted to rip him apart worse than the wolf ever had. 

Remus curled into a tight ball, clutching his hands over his chest. He felt a strange urge to protect the wolf now. He’d always seen the wolf as a horrible predator, a different part of him distant from himself. Remus was Remus and the Wolf was the Wolf. They coexisted because they had to, but they were apart. Now they were in this fear and this pain together. Remus had always viewed the Wolf as the strong and powerful one, but it was Remus who was going to get them out of here. He would save the wolf and himself and they wouldn’t get ripped apart. They would go forward in life together, two sides of the same coin. Everyone in the world stared into his cage and saw a monster. Remus stared out of the cage and saw far worse monsters than himself. He and the wolf were the only ones who were truly ever going to understand each other’s fear and pain and that had to mean something. 

*  *  *

Sirius stumbled into Knockturn in the early hours of the morning. He was tired, exhaustion hanging off his shoulders like a cloak. He wanted to just curl up into his bed and sleep for hours. The party had been completely draining and he’d slept fitfully for the rest of the night when he’d finally been allowed to go up to his room. The need to get to Remus was what kept him going forward though.

However when he reached the Menagerie there was a small gathering outside of it. The owner of the rundown zoo was talking with several witches and wizards. Sirius wanted to scoot past but there was really no way to do so. He hung back in an alley and watched. With horror he saw blood staining the hands and faces of some of those people. He saw them shaking hands with the owner and then leaving. They all seemed tired but carefree enough, like they had had a long and fruitful night. He watched them go with worry and realized he was making sure none of them was carrying a pelt. He shuddered at his own dark thoughts. The owner vanished into the ramshackle house that butted up against the Menagerie and Sirius took this as his chance to jog inside and towards the back, to Remus’ cage. Remus looked worse than Sirius had ever seen him before. There wasn’t an inch of him that wasn’t covered in a slick of blood.

“Moony!” Sirius gasped in horror to see his best friend like this. Tears sprung to his eyes instantly. His friend didn’t move, though he heard a low pained whimper come from him. He was alive, just hurt and bone tired. 

Sirius fumbled to get the potion from his cloak pocket and rolled it through the bars towards Remus. It tapped lightly against Remus’ thigh but the other boy didn’t move. Sirius rubbed tears from his eyes.

“Moony, you need to get the potion. Come on, it's right there.” He begged.

Remus slowly uncurled and reached for the bottle. He struggled with the cap but eventually got it and drank it down. His head settled back down and Sirius hated that he couldn’t see his face. His hair was hanging in a dirty clump, shielding him from view, and Sirius just wanted that eye contact to know he was okay.

“That's the last time you’re ever going to go through that in this awful place.” Sirius said, gripping the hateful bars tightly. “James and Peter will be here soon enough and we’ll...It’ll…” Sirius sniffled and rubbed at his nose with his sleeve. “It’ll all be okay soon, Moony.”

Remus shifted slightly, enough to reveal one eye and a stubborn set to his mouth that Sirius hadn’t ever seen the morning after a full moon.

“I know.” Remus said, with more boldness than Sirius had heard before.

It made Sirius’ tears dry up. Remus shouldn’t be the one comforting Sirius right now, but the strength in his conviction made Sirius feel stronger. 

“Happy New Year, Remus.” Sirius said, not knowing what to say.

Remus gave him a tired slow blink. “1972?” He mumbled and Sirius confirmed it for him. Remus looked thoughtful for a few moments. “I think...I think it’ll be a good year.” He decided.

Sirius grinned “Absolutely, Moony. Maybe the very best year, huh?”

They stared at each other for several long moments. There was something hanging in the air then, a sort of quiet expectation of change. They had both gone through their own ending gauntlets of 1971 and had each survived. Sirius and Remus still didn’t know the full impactful weight of their experiences, but only that things were different on that soft morning. The tang of blood hung in the air around them. At the time, only children, they wouldn’t know that smell would become so familiar. In their eyes the world was widening and expanding; giving way to unknown wonders and exciting landscapes of possibility. They both believed, with childlike conviction, that the dawn of 1972 would change everything.

“I need to sleep, Sirius.” Remus informed him after a while and Sirius nodded quickly.

“Rest, Moony. I’ll be right here.” He promised, moving to the side to sit on the crates. 

Sirius watched Remus fumbled for his scrap of blanket and tugged it over his naked form. Once Moony was properly asleep he would run home and get him some clothing. Judging from the fabric scraps littered all over the cage, Remus’ sweater and trousers hadn’t survived the night. He reached through the bars and picked up one bit that looked complete. At least a sock had survived.

Chapter Text

Sirius felt the hand clap gently on his back and he looked up from the ground he had been staring at to see James smiling at him. A breath of relief left him in a whoosh and his shoulders sagged. He had been sitting here on the fountain edge for a long time. At first he had watched the comings and goings of Diagon Alley and then he had taken to staring at the ground or drifting his fingertips across the thin ice on top of the water. 

He had begun to wonder if James and Peter were coming. It had started to slip from evening into night and the fear of betrayal had lodged itself into Sirius’ throat. He had never had to rely on someone so completely before, and he only knew the other boys for a short time. If they had gotten it in their head to not help him rescue Remus it would feel like a knife in his gut. All those worries dissipated as he saw James’ eager bright smile.

“Sorry we got a bit hung up.” James said lightly. “My mother was over the top tonight. Its my last night at home. She and Dad made all my favorites and Peter’s as well. Then of course Peter’s mum and my mum got on their kick about gardening and Pete’s mum wanted to know all about the greenhouse hydration system at Hogwarts, as if Peter and I know that.”

Sirius scrunched his nose. Herbology was easily his least favorite subject. James laughed when he noticed Sirius’ disgruntled look.

"You and me both, mate. But Peter…” James trailed off and looked around. Peter was coming up slowly, in a light jog. James wrapped an arm about him as Peter panted lightly. 

“Where have you been?” he asked, his James' ramble apparently finished mid-thought.

“Someone.” Peter elbowed James hard in the side. “Started running when we left the floo network. I couldn’t keep up. Doesn’t seem fair to run off in the cloak, James.”

James grinned and Sirius laughed. James couldn’t seem to keep his antics down for one single minute. James crossed his arms and puffed his chest out. “I was testing it still works for tonight.”

“It works.” Peter said with a last little puff of exhaustion. 

Sirius looked between the other boys and smiled. “Thanks for coming. I was worried, you know? I know it's kind of an odd thing we are doing. But I appreciate it. Remus is...important.”

James tilted his head and smiled. “I mean it's only one night a month he’s a big scary wolf, right? Otherwise seems like a perfect fit for our little band of miscreants.”

“Miscreants?” Peter shook his head. “That's an awful name, James.”

“Oh come on! Troublemakers is too banal. Mischief Makers is like...bleh. Miscreants is fun to say, at least.”

Peter rolled his eyes and looked at Sirius. “He’s been insistent that we need a name. Like a club name or something.”

“Not a club name.” James said, lifting a finger. “A title. Something a bit dramatic and suave. So people know who we are when we pull something off. Whispers in the Hogwarts hallways like ‘Oh, did you hear? The Miscreants struck again!’” 

James paused and tilted his head. “Wait. Scratch that, you’re right Petey, that sounds like bollocks.”

Sirius found a smile creeping onto his face. The light banter was helping calm his nerves. All day he had felt erratic and unsure of himself. All of this time spent planning and now it was coming together. Tonight would make or break a lot of things, and Remus’ life hung in the balance, but having James and Peter here was a salve on his anxiety. Whatever happened they were going to get through it together. Sirius couldn’t think of them failing, that wasn’t an option, but a few things might go wrong. He had backup now though. He didn’t have to try this all on his own. James and Peter were still arguing about group names and Sirius just listened in with a bit of a smile. There was a lull in conversation and then they could all hear a clock striking.

Sirius sucked in a breath as they listened to the chimes ringing out. “Nearly time.”

James reached out and clamped a hand on his shoulder, squeezing. Sirius nodded at him in relief. James, once again, knew that Sirius needed a bit of a tether right now. He felt on the verge of floating away in a cloud of his worries. James was keeping him here on the ground, ready to act.

“Let's do this.” James said, looking between Peter and Sirius “Tomorrow we’ll be back at Hogwarts with our new friend. Our fellow Malefactor.”

Sirius and Peter both groaned and shook their heads. 

James deflated. “What? No good? But that one rolls off the tongue and has the proper amount of drama! Malefactor.”

“Peter, I’m sorry you have to spend so much time with him.” Sirius said, trying to keep his smile down and act all solemn.

“He’s unbearable, Black.” Peter said, effecting a heavy sigh. “What a tag-along to our little group.”

Sirius offered his fist and Peter bumped his own against it. He stood and slung an arm around Peter’s shoulders and set off. James let out a dramatic offended gasp.

“I cannot believe you just fist bumped without me!” He said, following after them loudly. “Traitors!”

Sirius and Peter laughed together as James followed behind them, on a whole James ramble about the importance of friendship and bonding activities and having a really cool name. Sirius mostly ignored him. Each step that brought them closer to Knockturn was a step closer to the future. He knew his actions tonight carried a lot of weight. He had never stepped so far out of line of who he was supposed to be. His sorting, pranking Slytherin, and questioning his family; none of it came close to committing a werewolf heist. What he was doing now went against everything he had ever been taught about half breeds and his own status in life. He wasn’t supposed to care at all about Remus. He was supposed to be a dark and dangerous creature in Sirius’ mind. Instead Sirius was willing to sacrifice his own safety and comfortable lifestyle for Remus. He knew this had to be a turning point for him. He couldn’t go back to being Sirius, Heir to the ancient and noble house of Black, after this. Things would irrevocably change. He found he was okay with that.

James caught up and ducked under Sirius’ other arm and then they were a line of friends, Sirius with his arms around both. They stood in front of Knockturn, staring down the dark and twisted street.

“Ready?” Sirius asked them both. He got a bright smile and nod from James, and a slightly nervous one from Peter. 

“Okay.” He said softly. “James, you’re with me. Peter is on lookout. You’ve got the cloak, Petey?”

Peter nodded and patted his satchel with a shaking hand. “Got the cloak, got the alert spell memorized.”

“You won’t be alone for long.” James promised his friend “And you’re invisible, remember? So you’ll be safe. But, if anything happens, get out of there.”

Peter squared his shoulders. “I won’t leave you behind.” he said firmly and Sirius once again felt a flare of admiration for Peter. He wasn’t as big a coward as he seemed at first.

Sirius reached out and clapped him on the shoulder. “Thanks mate.”

Peter pulled the cloak on and vanished. James and Sirius exchanged looks, took deep breaths, and then started down Knockturn. Peter would be following them quietly, ready to take up a lookout position across from the Menagerie. Peter was the most quiet of them all and Sirius noted that he couldn’t hear a single footstep coming from anywhere nearby. If he didn’t trust Peter he would have thought the boy just hadn’t followed. 

He and James made their way down Knockturn Alley, trying to act casual. James seemed jumpy though and Sirius remembered his friend had never been here in the nighttime. The shadows of Knockturn loomed especially scary at night and the people jeered and laughed at the two bold boys walking down the street. Sirius put a hand on James’ elbow and steered him along a bit quicker.

“Head down.” He whispered as he noticed James was openly staring at a few witches.

James nodded quickly and looked away from the group who laughed at the nervous young boys far away from their cozy beds. Sirius practically pulled James the rest of the way to the Menagerie. They wandered inside casually, just two boys looking at the cages. Most were now empty though and Sirius knew they wouldn’t be expected to stay here long. The owner didn’t seem to be anywhere in sight which was perfect. Right now Peter would be walking slightly up the street from the Menagerie and carefully setting off a smoke screen. Then he would be walking back to the Apothecary and standing guard. The smoke would slightly obscure the Menagerie but not be so heavy as to arouse attention. Extra cover.

They walked to the back of the Menagerie and Sirius wanted to swear as he saw two men loitering around Remus' cage. Sirius couldn’t see Remus which meant his friend was at the back of the cage, trying to hide from the raucous idiots. Sirius felt his temper flare as he saw one of the men pick up a rock from the cracked cobble, and hurl it into the cage. He started forward with the intention of destroying the man, but James held him back by the arm. He knew his friend was right, they couldn’t possibly take on two men, but it still made him livid. Instead Sirius had to act like he didn’t care as he wandered up to the cage and peered into it with James. Just two boys, looking at a werewolf. No big deal. Sirius struggled as the men laughed at Remus, calling him foul things, and trying to agitate him by hurling rocks. Remus, for his part, didn’t move. He stayed curled up beneath his blanket at the back of the cage. Sirius remembered how he was earlier when he had brought back clothing for his friend.

“Remus” Sirius had whispered softly as his friend laid in the corner. Sirius knew the potion had healed him but the dried blood covering his body was still awful to see. It had hurt deep inside Sirius’ own chest to see his friend like that. It hurt more when Remus had lifted his head and given him a blank and tired look.

Sirius had slid the clothes through the bars towards him. “I’m sorry for leaving you alone. I wanted to bring you these. It's...Well it's one of my Hogwarts uniforms. I thought it would be best if you had something like this when we got you out. You’ll have to keep it covered, though.”

Remus had nodded and shifted to pull on the trousers. He hadn’t pulled on the sweater though, instead he had tucked it hidden under his blanket. It made sense to hide it that way, but it meant Sirius had been faced with seeing his friend's blood covered chest for the rest of their time together that afternoon. A bath would be one of the first things Remus would need.

“I have to go back home so my mother doesn’t suspect anything, but only a few more hours, Moony.”

Remus had just nodded and Sirius had gripped the bars tighter.

"Please say something, Remus.” He had begged. Remus had softened slightly then and moved to sit by the bars. He had wrapped one hand around Sirius’ wrist tightly.

“I don’t have anything to say.” Remus had said simply. Sirius had struggled with this.

“Are you scared? Excited? Worried? I’m a lot of those things. I just want to know what you’re thinking, Moony.”

Remus had shrugged one shoulder. “I think I’m just waiting.”


Sirius understood that now. Earlier he’d been so filled with so many emotions but now beside the cage he too just felt like he was waiting. Waiting for the moment, waiting for this to be over, and waiting for Remus. It was hard to wait, though maybe that was just because he was young. It seemed like adults managed to wait ages for things. He was impatient though. He wanted the drunk assholes to leave so that he could see Remus and start the plan.

James seemed to feel a similar way because Sirius saw his friend shift slightly and saw him subtly point his wand at the men. He whispered something and one of the man’s pants just fell down. Sirius had to struggle not to laugh as the drunk stared down in astonishment and then struggled to get his pants back up. His friend was no help, laughing uproariously at the situation. Neither seemed to realize it had been magic that was the cause. The pants-less man finally got them back up and scowled at his friend.

“Piss off.” He said, stomping away with his friend laughing and teasing him from behind. Sirius and James watched them go before Sirius heaved out a breath of relief.

“Thanks mate. I thought they were going to stick around for ages.” He admitted.

James gave him a thumbs up and then they both turned back to the cage. Remus was sitting up now and Sirius could see that he had pulled on the shirt and sweater of Gryffindor. He didn’t look like a normal Hogwarts student, what with all the mud and dried blood, but it was closer to a disguise. Remus' eyes shifted between James and Sirius and his face remained stoic. It was clear he still didn’t feel comfortable enough around James to express himself, and that was fine.

“Muffliato.” Sirius whispered as he waved his wand. He had practiced this spell a lot. There was a pop, a cushion of air, and then the trio were muted.

Remus lifted his head curiously and tilted it back and forth. He made no comment though. James and Sirius stepped forward to the cage and both settled their wands against the metal.

“Ready?” Sirius asked James.

“Ready.” James said with determination.

They knew there were a ton of charms surrounding Remus’ cage, but they didn’t know what they were. They had both been practicing this dispellment charm over the break and Sirius only hoped it got rid of most of them.

“Surgito” The boys whispered in unison. Sirius felt his wand vibrate in protest, but he also felt the spell leave it, albeit sluggishly.

There was a moment where nothing seemed to happen and then a lot happened all at once. For one a Hex blasted outwards from the cage, catching James and Sirius and hurling them backwards. Sirius felt the Hex creeping up his legs and realized it was going to lock him in place.

“Finite!” He said desperately. His wand didn’t work. He gasped as he felt his torso locking up. Luckily James had heard him and used the spell quickly on himself and then on Sirius. The two boys clambered upright and heaved out a breath.

Then the second spell went off. This one let out a shrill siren that blasted their eardrums. Sirius clasped a hand over his head in pain. Thank goodness for the Muffliato, but he suspected this would eventually worm its way out of the air cushion. As it was now it was unbearable.

“Can we make it stop?” James asked desperately, swinging his wand several times. Finite didn’t seem to work against it though. Sirius heard a whimper and saw that Remus was collapsed in on himself, clutching his ears.

“We need to just keep going forward with the plan.” Sirius said quickly, stepping up to the cage. There was only one way to find out if all the charms had been removed or tripped. He needed to just try and cut the bars. If there was anything more it would rear its ugly head soon enough.

“Diffindo” He said forcefully. This was the spell he had struggled the most with. He felt his wand shivering in his hand, not wanting to obey him. He snarled in frustration and reached his other hand to hold it steady. “Diffindo.” He said again

This time the spell left his wand, but the second it hit the bars it splashed back with angry sparks. Sirius gasped in pain as the sparks burnt over the back of his hand. Remus stepped forward in worry, though still clutching his head against the sound. Sirius shook his head and tried again.

“Diffindo!” This time the sparks exploded again and he felt the heat of one stinging across his cheekbone, burning with pain. The bars themselves looked perfectly fine.

Sirius felt the heat of tears starting to well up. He shot the spell several more times but not a single one made a mark on the cage. James hauled him back from the spray of angry sparks.

“It's not working.” James said in worry. “You’ll only get hurt, Sirius. We need to try something else.”

Sirius’ hands were shaking and he made desperate eye contact with Remus. “But this was the plan! It's the plan, James! I don’t...The bars are too strong and I can’t get it.”

James looked at him worriedly. “I can’t do that spell yet.” He admitted. 

Sirius cursed himself for being so pompous and arrogant. He should have told James the spell so his friend could have practiced. James’ wand obeyed him. Sirius had just wanted to be the one to actually rescue Remus. He was a selfish idiot. He should have known his wand wouldn’t behave or that he wouldn’t be strong enough. He hung his head in shame. His arrogance was going to cost Remus so much.

“Wait. I do know a spell.” James said eagerly, letting go of Sirius and stepping to the cage. He tapped his wand against the bars. “Spongify”

It was the same spell he had used on Halloween to soften his beater bat into something soft and spongy. It was a good basic spell for pranks. The bars seemed to resist it and only a small portion turned to soft grey sponge.

“Try it now!” James said eagerly.

Sirius stepped forward and hesitantly tried Diffindo again. This time there were no sparks. His spell cut cleanly through the sponge. With the cutting there was a strange popping noise and then suddenly Remus gasped. Sirius looked to his friend in worry but Remus’ eyes were wide and his mouth was open. It was one of the biggest expressions Sirius had seen on him.

“Remus?” He said in worry even as he heard James working on Spongifying other portions of the cage. “Moony, what's wrong?”

Remus didn’t respond and Sirius needed to get to him. He was terrified he had set off some other Hex that was hurting Remus. He quickly started using the cutting spell on all the cage parts that James had turned to sponge. There was one bar gone, pulled away by James. Another yanked off by Sirius. A third kicked out savagely by Remus himself. 

Remus looked more centered and Sirius took a heartbeat to stare and realize that there was nothing between them. The bars were cut away and Remus was right there. The same thing seemed to click in Remus’ mind at the same exact time. Sirius barely had time to fully open his arms before Remus was launching into them. 

Sirius wrapped his arms tightly around his Moony and briefly let out a sigh. It felt like he had been waiting for six months to have this hug. Remus was slim in his arms, but taller than Sirius was, and Sirius' head rested against his shoulder comfortably. He was holding Remus! He heard a small sob, felt Remus tuck his head against his hair, and he held onto him tighter.

*  *  *

Remus pressed his face against Sirius’s hair and hugged his friend as hard as he could manage. He wished his arms were stronger so that he could pull Sirius fully into his being. His whole body felt tingly and wonderfully warm. He’d been so cold and now suddenly he was all wrapped up and held safe.

“I can feel it.” He managed, whispering into Sirius’ ear with some sniffles. He felt terribly self conscious with James nearby. “The magic. I feel it.”

Sirius’ arms seemed to tighten even further around him and Remus didn’t care that it made it a little bit harder to breathe. He wasn’t able to breathe right now very well anyways. His whole being felt like it was thrumming. The second the first bar had been cut it had felt like something had snapped backwards into his chest, something that should have been inside him the whole time, but had been held back by whatever charms had been severed. Everything had suddenly been so much clearer and sharper to Remus. He’d been momentarily stunned. He’d always had better senses than the average person, and now they felt doubled. He knew it had to be his magic and that thought had rendered him completely speechless.

Now he heard a noise and looked up to see the pudgy blonde boy appearing out of thin air. He looked pale and frantic.

“Someone is coming! Muffliato broke!” the boy said hurriedly.

Sirius swore and let go of Remus and Remus let out a frustrated growl. He didn’t want to let go of Sirius yet. Still he knew time was of the essence. Sirius grabbed his hand and pulled him forward and suddenly he was far too close with James and Peter. He wanted to twist away but then Peter was swishing something up and over their heads.

“Shouldn’t we move?” He asked in confusion.

Sirius wrapped an arm around his waist and smiled at him. “We’re invisible in the cloak.”

Remus blinked and leaned against him. Right. Invisible. He had a lot to learn about the magic world. Sirius seemed to know that Remus’ legs were jello and he lent quiet support. He leaned against his friend as they began to move. They moved as a tiny pod, with Peter and James leading the way and Sirius and Remus behind. They all had to remain close with the cloak above them though. 

“Move.” James hissed quietly, turning about and tugging them all to the side.

Remus flinched as James’ hand landed on his arm and he curled up against Sirius in fearful instinct as The Owner and several other people stormed by. He ended up with his back against the narrow wall of the Menagerie, holding tightly onto Sirius’ shoulders and leaning away from James. The Owner was heading towards Remus’ cage and would see it was empty before long.

“We need a distraction.” Remus said quickly.

James gave him a brief look and then shifted to let the tip of his wand slip from the invisibility cloak.

"Alohomora ” He whispered, shooting it towards the nearest cage. Unlike Remus’ cage, these all had locks.

Suddenly the cage with the owls was open and all the sad old birds seemed to understand that freedom was imminent. They burst from the cage and swooped up into the sky. Remus shot James an amazed look and the boy gave him a thumbs up.

Sirius had gotten his own wand out and was whispering the spell again and again. Peter and James joined in as they scuttled along the walls. Remus got to watch in amazement as all the animals that had been caged up with him wandered free of their enclosures. He heard a yell and he knew The Owner was noticing the demise of his Menagerie.

This time when James’ arms grabbed onto him he didn’t flinch as much and he let the boy guide them all out of the Menagerie and into Knockturn. Remus’ world suddenly expanded and he found himself rather useless as his head kept swiveling from side to side. All this had been here? The whole time? Just right here? Sirius’ arm around his waist kept him moving at a fast pace and Remus just had to be towed along. It was hard though to keep up when he wanted to see the world and he wanted to take a breath.

He lifted his head into the air, sniffing at all the new smells. The city smelled different every ten feet. How did people not get so overwhelmed? And the sounds as well! He hadn’t realized how set aside and quiet the Menagerie really was! Now they passed rowdy grounds or creaking signs and Remus found it hard not to be distracted by every new sound. Sirius must have noticed, of course, because occasionally he would urge Remus gently onwards with a simple phrase.

“Come on, Moony. Almost out.”

Remus wanted to laugh at this, because to him it was quite funny. He was already out. The cage was vanishing rapidly behind him. He was free. It was hard not to scream in exaltation at that. He had all of this at his fingertips. Why hadn’t Sirius told him about every single one of these shops? About the windows peering down into the street from above? About how sometimes the street was good fresh cobble, and other times it was cracked and worn. These details, everything, seemed terribly important to Remus’ mind. He was almost rendered completely immobile when they passed a bar with tables on the street and candles floating just above them. His eyes were wide with wonder and Sirius tugging him along was all that got him to reset. Then they were leaving the dark Knockturn behind and entering Diagon and Remus gasped and felt his legs go out. Sirius caught him but Remus was too stunned to even try to stand properly.

If Knocturn had been interesting then Diagon was on another level. Everything here was bursting with color and delight. Even at night Remus’ keen eyes could pick out the fact that the buildings were all painted in different jeweled tones and that the shop signs moved with magical motions. The windows of these shops were much cleaner and Remus could see all sorts of things inside that were new and amazing to his eyes. There was a whole store that just seemed to be filled with sweaters! And another with books!

“Moony.” Sirius' voice came to him gently and he wrenched his eyes over to his friend.

“Huh?” He said, blinking a few times and trying to focus.

“Come sit down over here.” Sirius said, guiding him over to sit on the fountain. Sirius, James, and Peter, all left the invisibility cloak. Remus kept the cloak on.

Peter seemed to be nervously looking towards the street they had left. “What if they come to Diagon. We should still move.”

Sirius nodded in agreement. “I bet they’ll close off the Floo Network soon enough. Okay. Right. James’ you’ll take care of him, right?”

James placed a hand on his own chest and nodded solemnly. “You know I will, Sirius. We’ll all see you on the train tomorrow.”

James and Peter looked towards the fountain then and Remus realized they were looking for him. James gave his general direction a bright smile.

“You can come with us, Remus! I’ve got some dinner waiting for you.”

Fear rocketed through Remus and he yanked back the hood of the cloak and stared at Sirius, ignoring the other two boys.

“I’m not going with them.” He said, his voice coming out tinged with a growl. “I’m going with you, Sirius.”

Sirius looked worried and bit down on his lip briefly. “Moony, my house isn’t so safe. James’ house is safe. It's only for one night. His parents, if they find you, won’t hurt you. My mother…”

Remus stood with a full blown growl now. “I want to go with you. I don’t trust them. You said all I had to do was trust you.”

“Moony please-”

“Hey, why don’t you just keep the cloak?” James interrupted with a smile, not seeming a bit bothered that the werewolf he had just rescued clearly didn’t like him.

Sirius looked over to him in shock. “James? But it's your cloak! It's so expensive and precious.”

James shrugged “It's just one night. Remus can borrow the cloak, go home with you, and tomorrow you can give it back to me. No big deal.”

Remus watched between the two boys carefully. Sirius seemed a bit stunned but he nodded. Remus shifted and moved closer to his friend. James and Peter then gave a final wave before hurrying off down the street. There was a loud noise from Knockturn then and Sirius rushed forward to tug the cloak up over Remus’ head.

“Come on.” Sirius whispered softly before they rushed down the street together.

Remus’ legs were starting to fail him. The adrenaline pounding through his veins was the only thing keeping him upright. After the cold and neglect of the last few months he really didn’t have the strength to be doing this. He was glad that Sirius couldn’t see the way he stumbled and tripped along. His legs were starting to scream and Sirius was so much quicker than he was. He heard his own breathing all ragged in his ears. He stumbled again and when he glanced up Sirius seemed so far away from him.

“Sirius.” He begged, sinking down to his knees on the cobbles.

His friend spun about, searching around for him. Remus reached a hand out from the cloak and Sirius’ eyes grew big. He rushed back to where Remus was and kneeled down in front of him.

“Remus? Are you alright?”

“Tired.” Remus managed weakly. “How much further?”

“Almost to Gringotts, then the Floo Network and home.” Sirius shifted forward to find the edge of the cloak and wormed his way under it with Remus. He shifted about then and offered his back. 

“Climb on.”

Remus didn’t have time to question him or argue. He scrambled onto his friend’s back and let out a noise of surprise when Sirius stood, carrying him with him. Remus was taller and so it was a bit awkward, but he was sure he didn’t weigh much as he was all skin and bones. He heard yelling starting up behind him and he knew that authorities had been alerted to the missing werewolf. Sirius seemed to understand the same and set off as fast as he could. Remus settled his head against Sirius’ hair and closed his eyes.

He didn’t realize he had drifted off until Sirius was sliding him off of his back and settling his hands on his cloaked shoulders.

“Okay Moony, this is the Floo Network. It's a bit scary the first time. Just hold onto me, alright?” Sirius offered his hand. Remus held tight to it and then Sirius spoke.

Remus thought he was going to be sick as suddenly something tugged on them, whipping them away from the street. Everything was a blur of confusing motion and Remus was completely overwhelmed. Then, everything was still and quiet and Remus was staring into a bedroom. It was a very dark and fancy looking bedroom. There was a boy that looked like Sirius sitting on the bed and Remus recognized hateful young Regulus. Regulus looked up and set aside his book. Remus hung back in the fireplace, glad to be cloaked in invisibility. Sirius seemed upset to see Regulus and stormed from the fireplace.

“What are you doing in here?” His friend snapped.

Reg cowered slightly under his older brother’s ire. “Waiting up for you. It's your last night.” He said, his voice small and hopeful.

Sirius crossed his arms. “Go to your own room, Reg.”

“But I wanted to sleep here. You let me last time.”

“Yeah, well it's annoying.” Sirius snapped. Remus watched as Regulus flinched and he did get a funny sort of satisfaction in seeing him cowed by Sirius.

Regulus hopped up from the bed, his little lips quivering. He turned back to Sirius at the last minute, his little hands clenched in fists at his sides. “I hate you.” He snapped “I hate you and all your stupid Gryffindor friends.”

Then he stormed out and Remus could see the weary sag to Sirius’ shoulders and he felt bad for enjoying the fight. He tugged off the cloak and stepped forward to pull Sirius into a tight hug.

“I’m sorry.” He murmured “I should have gone with James. Then you wouldn’t have had to fight with Regulus.”

Sirius turned about in his arms to hug him back tightly. “It's okay. I wanted you here anyways, Remus. After all this time waiting.”

Remus nodded and then turned from Sirius’ arms to observe the room. He couldn’t believe his friend lived in a place like this. He wandered over to the bookshelf first. Sirius headed over to lock the door. Remus stood in front of the bookshelf in awe. He remembered the first day he had seen Sirius, with his pretty rich hand holding a book that looked like these. Tentatively Remus reached out with the intention of picking up a book. He caught sight of his own hand then; dirty, covered with old blood, and with overly long nails. He clenched his hand and brought it back to his own chest. He didn’t feel good enough to touch a single one of these. Quite honestly he felt far too dirty and worn to belong in this room. He looked about and didn’t see a single surface he would feel comfortable on. He hugged his arms around himself in worry. Sirius was going to be all annoyed if he got his dirt everywhere.

Sirius himself was changing out of his clothes and into the fine green pajamas that Remus recognized from Christmas. Not a bit of his friend’s skin was dirty. It was all pristine. Sirius turned then, holding another pair of pajamas.

“These are for you.” He said with a grin.

Remus stared at them and shook his head. He couldn’t touch those. He couldn’t touch anything. He didn’t know how to express this though. He looked down at himself in the borrowed Hogwarts uniform. His muddy bare feet stuck out from the bottom. He didn’t fit here, did he? Sirius had a grand and lavish life and Remus was properly seeing it for the first time. His bedroom was nicer than Remus had ever expected. Remus hadn’t even known beds could be so big. He really didn’t know anything. He was an aberration in this lovely perfect room. He didn’t belong.

“Moony?” Sirius looked worried, coming over and standing in front of him.

Remus knew that to Sirius he was just a floating head right now. Sirius wouldn’t see the way his arms hugged around himself or any of that.

“Too dirty.” He mumbled, glancing away from Sirius with a frustrated glower.

“Oh.” Sirius blinked “Right I forgot about that. Well we can fix that.”

Remus turned his attention back to Sirius and found that his friend was smiling at him. It was a genuine thing, soft and hopeful. Remus was reminded that Sirius hadn’t cared about his dirt before. His friend had hugged him through the bars, or pet his hair, or brought him a fancy blanket. Sirius wasn’t bothered by Remus’ lack of hygiene. He was understanding and patient. Remus took a breath and let himself focus on that thought.

Later Remus would curl up in the pajamas and the invisibility cloak in Sirius’ bed. His friend would roll over and snuggle up against him and whisper to him in the dark about how excited he was for Remus to see Hogwarts. Sirius' face would be close and bright and Remus would hang on his every word. If there was a doubt in Remus’ mind about belonging, then Sirius would whisk it away with the vibrant happiness he showed. Perhaps Remus didn’t quite fit in the wizarding world yet, that was fine, it was clear he fit beside Sirius and that was what mattered.

Chapter Text

Sirius rolled over in his bed in the morning with a big yawn. He opened his eyes and smiled a bit as he saw a few tawny curls of hair on the pillow beside him. Remus was mostly still covered by the invisibility cloak, but some hair seemed to have escaped.

“Are you awake?” He whispered

He got his answer when there was a sleepy noise of affirmation and then his friend’s face was revealed.

“Beds.” Remus informed him solemnly. “Are wonderful things.”

Sirius laughed and nodded. It had been a delight to watch Remus start to discover the world. His friend had been very tentative last night with everything, but Sirius had eventually gotten him to relax. One of Remus’ favorite discoveries, late in the evening, had been when he had finally flopped down on the bed and discovered how soft it was.

Remus looked much better than he had last night as well, better than he had ever before. There was a warmth to his cheeks now, and his skin was scrubbed clean. Getting Remus clean had been a bit of an ordeal of secrecy, but they had managed. Sirius had snuck his friend down the hallway before bed last night because Remus had refused to wear Sirius’ nice pajamas while covered in dirt. In fact he had refused to touch anything. So a bath was the best option.

“This is absurd” Remus had said, watching Sirius fill up the black porcelain tub with the clawed feet. Sirius had added a bunch of nice smelling things and some bubbles. He figured if this was Remus’ first bath then he was going to make it a fancy one.

“Pureblood nonsense?” Sirius had joked back lightly.

Remus had given him a firm nod. “Absolute pureblood nonsense. Why do you have this? I don’t understand. Washing in the rain is perfectly acceptable.”

“Moony, just get in the tub. You’ll see soon enough.”

Remus had made a big fuss over the whole thing, grumbling the whole time about the absurdity of submerging oneself fully in water. Sirius had been about ready to give up the whole task entirely when Remus had stuck one foot in the water and his eyes had gone wide. The soft ‘oh’ that had come from his lips was followed by the lanky boy eagerly sloshing into the water. Sirius had fallen into a fit of giggles as Remus slid down into the water and bubbles completely, until Sirius could only see his friend’s stubborn eyes and tawny hair.

“Told you so.” Sirius said, finding it hard not to be a little bit smug about it.

Remus had straightened slightly and blew a bit of bubbles off his upper lip. “Suppose you purebloods manage to do some things right.”

Sirius had actually then had a hard time getting his werewolf friend to leave the tub. He would have let him stay longer except that he knew his mother would get suspicious if Sirius occupied the bathroom for quite so long. Remus had been soft and sleepy once the tub was finished and Sirius had flopped on his bed and watched Remus wander around his room. Remus had been a bit funny in Sirius’ pajamas since both the sleeves and the pant legs were a bit too short. Remus hadn’t seemed to mind though and Sirius had seen him absentmindedly feeling the fabric quite a few times. 

“Are you cozy?” Sirius asked now, smiling as Remus wiggled a little bit in the bed and nodded.

Sirius hadn’t had the best night of sleep, though he’d managed to slip under a bit this morning. He had spent the night watching the door, guarding Remus. He’d been worried that his mother would come in, or Regulus. Maybe not Regulus. His brother had been so angry with him last night. If Remus hadn’t been there then Sirius would have done more to smooth things over. As it was he had made his brother angry on purpose to get him to leave. Hearing Reg claim he hated him was still painful beyond belief. Surely he didn’t mean it. He’d probably be down at the breakfast table all eager to pretend things were fine.

Remus rolled over onto his back, pulling Sirius from his thoughts. “You have so much space in here.” Remus mused, looking around. Last night Remus had looked at everything and Sirius had loved watching him do it.

“Why do you do that?” Sirius had asked. He had been laying on his stomach with his chin propped on his hands as he watched Remus moving about his room.

“Hm?” Remus was too busy looking through a book to pay Sirius much mind.

“When you pick up objects you sniff them.” Sirius informed him.

Remus’ brows furrowed and he glanced at Sirius. “To know them.” He said simply.

Sirius had been confused. “Okay. Is that a werewolf thing? We humans don’t sniff things.”

Remus shrugged. “I suppose it is. I can smell even better now. Hear things too. When the cage broke, something changed. I’m more Remus now.”

“More Remus.” Sirius said with a grin. “Lucky me.”

Remus had rolled his eyes and turned his back on Sirius, surreptitiously sniffing the pages of the book once more. Sirius didn’t need to know that he was sniffing this one just because it smelled good and old and a bit like Sirius too.

Sirius had watched Remus pick up various objects and turn them about in his hands, sniffing them, and inspecting everything. He’d been fascinated with the carpet as well, pacing back and forth on it and wiggling his bare toes into it. Sirius had thought his wide eyed wonder at simple things was pretty cute, though he knew if he said that to his friend he would get a glower. So he had just kept that inside and watched as Remus sampled his new world.

“Wand.” Remus had said eventually and Sirius had sat up.

“Huh?”

“Your wand, I want to see it.” Remus had held out his hand expectantly.

Sirius had felt a bit uncomfortable but Remus didn’t know that wands were intimate things to wizards. Sirius had only let Regulus hold his wand before and that was because they were brothers. Most witches and wizards didn’t share their wands except with loved ones. Still Sirius was a bit frustrated with his own right now. He rolled over and plucked it off the bedside table and passed it to Remus. Remus instantly had scrunched up his nose in distaste.

“Oh. No it doesn’t feel good.” Remus said instantly, setting it back down. Sirius had been a bit crushed, though he couldn’t quite land on why.

“Well...Each wizard gets their own wand. It chooses you.”

Remus had cocked his head all curious. Now that his hair was mostly clean it had slid off his shoulders in pretty golden brown curls.

“What do you mean it chooses you?”

“Ah. Well. So you go to this shop in Diagon and this man, Ollivander, makes you try a bunch of different wands. The wand chooses you and that's your wand.”

“This one choose you?” Remus asked incredulously.

Sirius scoffed “Remus I’m heir to the Black family. Pureblood. It's different for me. This wand is like my father’s wand. It's like an inheritance. I don’t need a wand to choose me because I’m-”

“Pureblood.” Remus finished for him, watching him strangely.

“Yes.” Sirius said defensively. “Because of that. We can handle more difficult wands better than other people can.”

“People like me.” Remus remarked dangerously.

Sirius had bit down on his bottom lip and felt the shame curling in his stomach. He hadn’t wanted to say all that but he also didn’t want Remus to judge him for having a wand that didn’t work right. It was embarrassing to know that he couldn’t make his wand listen to him. He wanted Remus to think he was cool and capable. Instead he had just sounded like his mother.

“I only meant that even though this wand didn’t choose me in the traditional sense, it's still mine, and I can handle it.”

Remus had simply nodded at him.

“Are you mad?” Sirius had pried, unable to read the expression on Remus’ face.

Remus had just shrugged and that hadn’t cleared anything up at all. It seemed to be enough for Remus though because then his friend had wandered off to inspect the tapestries on the wall. Sirius realized he was going to have to get used to the general mystery that Remus caused in his mind.

“What is the plan for today?” Remus asked, sitting up and patting at his hair. It was an absolutely wild mess. While they had washed it so much of it was still matted and tangled from years of neglect. They would have to do something about that but Sirius didn’t know what exactly. Right now it looked like a family of owls was living on top of Remus’ head. Sirius held back his giggles, but only barely.

“Um my trunk is all packed and everything. I’ll need to go down to breakfast soon. I will bring some back up here for you. Then you’ll be in the invisibility cloak and you’re going to need to hang on to me. My mother will take us by Floo to Platform 9 ¾ and then we’ll get on the train. From there we will meet up with James and Peter and the plan is to sneak you up to the dorm before the feast, but I don’t know how to do that yet.”

Remus nodded, taking everything in quietly. Sirius had found that his friend did a lot of silent processing. At the cage they had both talked a lot, but Remus seemed silently overwhelmed right now. It made sense. Sirius knew what it was like, in a strange way, to be caged up your whole life and then to have a sudden breaking of that cage. It was overwhelming and scary and wonderful all at the same time.

“Someone is coming.” Remus informed him before his friend slipped off the bed and raised the hood of the cloak.

Moments later the door opened and his mother waltzed inside.

“Up.” Walburga intoned, using a flick of her wand to tug the covers back.

Sirius quickly got up and his mother flicked the wand again, perfectly making his bed. Sirius held back a yawn but his mother still noticed.

“Yes, lack of sleep due to Floo Network joyrides would make one tired. It will not be happening again.” Walburga said, and suddenly Sirius was very awake.

“Mother?” He said, trying to remain steady, though his voice wavered.

Walburga was not listening to him. Instead she was stepping over to the fireplace and bending down slightly to inspect it. Normally he swept up his footprints but he was sure there was evidence there. He’d been pretty distracted last night. Mother gave a dissatisfied look his way before waving her hand to move the grate back into place.

“Epoximise” She intoned and the grate seemed to fuse back against the fireplace with a loud clang. Sirius winced at the sound and stepped back slightly.

His mother turned to him now and Sirius could feel her fury rolling off of her in waves.

“First we have your sorting.” She began. “A disgrace to the family. Then we have that horrid escapade on Christmas, which you were never properly punished for, but of course we had guests over.”

Sirius could have argued with that. Three days of Silencio wasn’t proper punishment?

“And now your brother informs me that you have been regularly sneaking out via the Floo Network to visit with that Potter boy?”

Regulus. Sirius felt white hot rage shoot through his entire body. His brother had sold him out to their mother, knowing full well what sort of things that could mean for Sirius. He hated Regulus at that moment, just as Reg had hated him last night. In fact he had never felt this way about his brother before. He’d always been protective and caring for Reg. They collectively faced enough in their young lives and Sirius tried not to add to it even though they did fight and argue. They always made up. But this? This was betrayal. Sirius could feel the stinging pain of it pricking at the corners of his eyes. Walburga strode forward and Sirius straightened up. His mother gripped his chin forcefully and yanked his head upwards. She brushed a thumb over his cheekbone and Sirius winced at the scar he knew was splashed there.

“You got hurt.” Remus had said sadly.

Sirius had been sitting on the edge of the tub, working shampoo into the deep knots of Remus’ hair. The tub water had already been drained and refilled once and already it was brown and red tinged once more. Sirius really wanted to get all the mud and blood from Remus’ long hair out so his friend could rest well tonight.

“I’m fine, Moony.” Sirius had said, with a shrug. “It was the Diffindo rebounding.”

Remus’ hand had reached out and brushed along the small red mark on Sirius’ cheekbone. The touch had been very careful and gentle, a quiet inspection intended to cause no pain. Sirius knew he had a few more of the small scars across the back of his right hand now as well. They almost looked like Mother’s potion scarring.

“It's on your face.” Remus had said “I’m sorry. I didn’t want you getting hurt for me.”

Sirius had grinned and shot Remus a wink. “I think it makes me look roguish. And besides-” He had reached out to tap the scar on Remus’ cheek “Now we match.”

Walburga’s hand on the small scar was not gentle like Remus’ had been. In fact Sirius tried to flinch away from her touch on the agitated patch of skin.

“What is this?” She asked, holding his head firmly as Sirius had tried to pull away.

“Nothing.” Sirius mumbled, reaching up a hand to try and pull her off.

All that had achieved was Walburga seizing the hand and inspecting the back of it. 

“Here too.” She snapped in displeasure. “Explain yourself now, Sirius.”

Sirius tugged his hand away and took a step back, rubbing at his face and the ache of it. He looked past his mother towards the permanently stuck fireplace. She already knew about the Floo Network.

“James and I were mucking about.” He said “Practicing different spells and stuff. One of the spells went wrong and rebounded and I got splashed with sparks. That's all, I’m sure it will heal.”

Walburga sniffed in utmost displeasure. “Magical scars sometimes do not, Sirius. I am already going to have a hard enough time finding a suitable match for you. You are willful, disobedient, disgraceful, and now disfigured. Honestly!”

Sirius flinched. Disfigured? It was one little mark! Sirius heard a strange growling noise from the corner of the room and he knew that Remus was hearing all this and was livid. He only hoped his friend had the sense not to act. Walburga didn’t notice the noise as she was too busy laying into Sirius with a calm righteous fury.

“Your behavior these past six months has been entirely unacceptable! After everything your father and I have taught you, as well. You continue to disappoint us day after day. Your brother has the sense to listen and follow the prescribed family values. Toujours Pur! You consort with mudbloods and ilk like that. You disfigure the noble face of Black! You are Heir and you will be held to the highest of standards. Clearly my punishments have been too lenient on you. This is not a game, Sirius Orion. If you do not shape up you will be transferred to Durmstrang. There at least they believe in corporal punishment to keep their boys in line.”

Walburga raised her wand and Sirius held up his hands. That wouldn’t stop her, though, and Sirius felt the strong stinging hex whip against his skin. He raised his arms above his head but it seemed to attack and jab from all angles. Sirius heard the little gasps and cries coming from his own mouth but his mother ignored them as savage needles seemed to prick and drive into every part of his skin. 

He bent over in a pained cower before his mother and he felt the tears on his cheeks as he tried to evade something that was inescapable. His mother stood before him like a tall righteous pillar. Her face was calm and her body unmoving as she stared at her son writhing in pain. She looked like the portrait in father’s office; distant and untethered to reality before her. Sirius wanted to beg for her to stop, but the pain closed his throat and kept him quiet.

He heard the growl again and then it all stopped. He heard his mother suck in a sharp breath and Sirius glanced up. There were little lights dancing in front of his eyes and it took him a few moments to realize these were bits of the hex, pinging uselessly against something, against a shield. Walburga was still casting, but it was not reaching Sirius any longer. Sirius blinked in awe at the Protego charm that was effortlessly protecting him from the abuse.

He couldn’t cast Protego. Protego was at least a year four spell, and he knew some people really struggled with it. Yet this was undeniably a shield charm. His eyes flicked briefly to the corner of the room. It had to be Remus, though how was another thing entirely. Remus didn’t even have a wand! 

“Interesting.” Walburga had her arms crossed, her fingers drumming on one of her arms. She looked mildly pleased with Sirius and he could understand why. From her angle her twelve year old son had suddenly conjured up a shield charm wandlessly and wordlessly.

“I will inform your professors of this.” She said simply, tucking her own wand away. “Perhaps if you can manage to grow this skill you can recover some of your lost dignity. It would be quite impressive for the family name if my son ended up being prolific in wandless magic.”

Walburga gave a self satisfied nod and gestured airily to the room. “Pack your things.” She said, a royal decree, before sweeping from the room.

The second Walburga left the room, the invisibility cloak flew off Remus and his friend was stepping across the room to seize Sirius’ head in his hands. Remus seemed keen to ascertain whether or not he was okay, turning Sirius’ face this way and that. Sirius just clung tightly to his friend’s wrists.

“I’m okay, Moony.” He said, though his friend just scoffed and continued his inspection. Sirius felt safe in Remus’ hands, and so he let him.

“You didn’t tell me that you were being hurt as well.” Remus said stiffly. “You just said your mother yelled a lot.”

Sirius gave a small shrug and a wry smile. “Didn’t want you to worry. I didn’t think there was really anything to be done about it. She’s my mother.”

“She hurt you.” Remus snarled, and his eyes seemed to flash with something dangerous. Sirius hadn’t ever seen him like this before and nobody had ever seen what mother did besides Regulus. It was a bit embarrassing to have that exposed. It was part of the reason he’d wanted Remus to go with James, however he was glad that he had been here.

“I’m glad you protected yourself.” Remus said, finally letting go of Sirius’ face. Sirius didn’t let go of his wrists though. “I would have done something if I knew how."

“Moony!” Sirius cut him off with a wild grin as he realized Remus didn’t know. “I didn’t protect myself, Remus. You did.”

Remus stared at him with wide eyes and Sirius laughed before hopping forward to hug his friend tightly. “I don’t know how you did it, but that was so cool, Moony! Did you see my mother’s face? She was shocked! She probably thinks I am a prodigy now or something. You bloody are a prodigy, holy hell. I mean Protego ? How did you even know how?”

Remus pulled back and stared down at his hands. “I don’t know.” He said softly. “I just didn’t want to see you hurt.”

Sirius felt his chest fill up with a wonderful warmth and he seized Remus back up in a fierce hug. He couldn't describe how good it felt to be protected and cared for. He hoped Remus felt that way too.

*  *  *

Remus watched Sirius finish packing away the last of his things. He was back under the cloak, ready to depart, and he was glad for the anonymity. It meant he could stare down at his hands without Sirius thinking he had lost his mind.

He had done magic. Real magic. He had kept Sirius’ mother from hurting him. He had no idea how he had done it though. All he had known was the helpless fear he had felt watching Sirius bombarded with something that was clearly causing him pain. Remus knew the tiny pinpricks of a stinging Hex and how if it was cast strongly enough the pain could cut deep and lasting. He had known that he didn’t want that for Sirius, and that he hated seeing the way Sirius cowered in fear from his mother. Remus had felt helpless, unable to remove the cloak and unable to help his friend. He hadn’t known any spells and he didn't have a wand. He’d screwed his eyes shut and let the fierce protectiveness he felt towards his friend well up inside him until he thought it would consume him. Then Sirius’ pained cries had stopped, everything had stopped, and Remus had opened his eyes to see Sirius safe.

He wished he knew how he’d done it. He wished he had felt something more than overwhelming desire to save Sirius. If he knew how then he could do it again in the future. Sirius called it Protego and Remus was going to learn about that right away. If the ability to protect was somehow innate in him, then he wanted it desperately. 

He watched Sirius push the lid of his trunk down and a moment later it vanished. Remus must have made a noise of surprise because Sirius smiled over at him.

“Kreacher is very efficient.”

“Creature?”

“Oh. He’s our house elf.” Sirius said as if this were obvious as he bent and tied his shoes on. “He works for us. Does whatever we need him to do. Grumbles about it quite a lot, but he does it. He’s utterly devoted to my mother.”

Remus frowned slightly. Something felt off about this and he remembered the fight that Regulus and Sirius had had in front of his cage. “He’s not human, right?”

“No. He’s a house elf. They’re like...Non humans that work for humans.”

Remus didn’t like that. It felt wrong. Something was wrong. Sirius said it casually, as if there was nothing to question, but the phrasing of it felt like Sirius believed that was all these house elves did. Work for humans. Remus was once again reminded that Sirius had grown up startlingly different than he had and things like this were commonplace. Why couldn’t Sirius magic his own chest downstairs? Weren’t Purebloods supposed to be powerful? It just felt off, but Remus didn’t have the energy to question it all right now. His world was expanding faster than his mind could process it all and he hadn’t even left Sirius’ house yet.

Sirius grabbed his wand up, tucked it away, and then gave that big bright grin in Remus’ general direction. “Alright, Moony. Remember to hold onto my elbow tightly. I don’t want you to get lost in the Floo Network.”

Remus stepped forward and grabbed onto Sirius. “Hogwarts.” he whispered.

“Hogwarts!” Sirius agreed excitedly.

Remus let Sirius lead the way through 12 Grimmauld Place, down the dark creaky stairs, and into the family drawing room. Remus was fascinated to see the place that Sirius had grown up. It was all dark woods and colors and it felt very wrong for his exuberant and bright friend. In his mind he thought Sirius belonged somewhere more expansive and with more light in it. On the wall of the room they walked into there was a spreading tree with white branches. These branches were adorned with portraits and Remus wondered at their purpose until he saw a branch depicting his friend’s face.

Sirius Orion Black III

He wondered what the three slashes at the end meant, but he could travel the tree and see two other Sirius’ adorned there. Oh. So Sirius, his Sirius, was the third one. How strange. Now that he looked he saw several names repeated. Everyone on the tree managed to look very similar as well. This was apparently the ancient and noble House of Black that he had heard Sirius complain about so many times. He disliked the portrait labeled ‘Bellatrix’ the most; there was something wild and unhinged in those eyes. Instinct told him this Bellatrix was another predator and that she was one to be wary of.

Remus’ grip on Sirius tightened when Walburga came into the room. She was alone and Sirius seemed tense and surprised at this.

“Regulus?” Sirius asked quietly

His mother shot a glare in his direction as she reached for something off of the mantle.

“Your brother has no desire to see you.” Walburga said simply as she readied the Floo Powder.

Remus could see the pain flitting across Sirius’ face, quickly replaced by a stubborn set to his jaw. He squeezed his friend’s elbow gently. He understood that Regulus meant a lot to Sirius, despite all that had just transpired. He would need to talk to him about this later, make sure Sirius was okay.

He stepped forward when Sirius did so, narrowly avoiding Walburga as she stepped behind Sirius to grip his shoulder. This was a touch precarious. Walburga gave no time to compose oneself though, they barely stepped foot into the fireplace before they were whizzing away. Remus clutched onto Sirius, feeling like he was going to be sick. It was only now occurring to him that they had not ever gotten to eat.

Moments later they stepped into the hustle and bustle of a train station. Remus had never been in a train station. The noise was overwhelming; people talking, things clanging, and the general cacophony of a public space. His hands gripped at Sirius’ arm tightly, digging in to the point where it might have been painful. There was so much going on around them and he wanted to make it all stop. Why did everyone need to be so loud? There was a massive shrieking sound and Remus gasped, unable to help it.

Walburga looked over at Sirius sharply and Sirius tried to look like he had been the one to make the noise. 

“Just...excited.” He said, lying quickly.

“Behave, Sirius. Have some decorum.” Walburga said before turning and striding away.

Sirius followed after briefly smiling in Remus’ direction. “It's brilliant, right?”

Remus made a strangled noise. Brilliant, however, was not the world he felt would properly describe everything he was seeing right now. And smelling. There were so many strange smells here and he was quite sure that someone had peed on the ground nearby. It was a sensory overload and he was glad to be hanging on to Sirius. He allowed Sirius to drag him along towards the center of the Platform. The train was already there and that, Remus decided, was quite brilliant.

The train was one of the most vibrant reds he had ever seen and he had a strange desire to step up and pet it. He wouldn’t drift away from Sirius and risk missing the train entirely though. Sirius was walking along, following his mother, and Remus remained close, though his eyes were glued to the train itself. Remus flinched as there was a massive noise, and a cloud of steam gushed out. It was a bit like a beast quite honestly.

Walburga stopped and looked down at her son. “Your trunk is being handled. Finish up the year strong, Sirius.”

“Yes mother.” Sirius said quietly, and then Walburga was striding away.

Sirius looked serious and sad, looking down at his feet. Remus wanted to sweep him into a hug. He hated Walburga Black. How could she look at her son with such disdain? Sirius was the most amazing person and she was needlessly cruel to him. He deserved to be loved. Remus wanted to step forward and hug his friend, but then there was another explosion of noise.

“Sirius!” James yelled loudly, launching at his friend and hugging him. James had seemingly appeared from nowhere and his eager hug accidentally shunted Remus to the side. A whole entourage of people followed after James.

There was Peter, of course, as well as someone who must have been his mother with the way she fussed, and James’ parents as well. Remus took a few tentative steps backwards as the gaggle seemed to surround and consume Sirius. Remus found himself on the outskirts but he didn’t mind. He liked getting to watch the flurry of emotions flicking over Sirius’ face. He looked surprised and a bit overwhelmed when James’ mother walked up and patted him on the shoulder.

“Sirius, darling. You’re on the platform all alone?” Euphemia asked gently.

“Oh. Yes. Mother had to go.” Sirius said, his voice more polite than Remus was used to hearing. He looked a bit in awe of James’ mum.

“Well we’ll wait here with you until the train boards.” Euphemia said simply. She turned away slightly to look at her own son and Remus didn’t miss the way Sirius stared at her. He seemed nervous to be around her, but also like he didn’t want to look away.

Remus felt his heart breaking a little. He felt it too; the want for a mother. Euphemia was fixing James’ hair in a gently scolding manner, and James was beaming up at her as if she hung the moon. Sirius was watching on with jealousy, and Remus felt much the same. He must have a mother, but he suspected his mother must be more like Sirius’. How else had he ended up in that cage? He looked away from the quaint scene because the tugging on his heart was upsetting and strange.

The train was beginning to board though and Remus saw Sirius looking about frantically, looking for a certain invisible werewolf. Remus ended up sticking close to Peter’s back since the boy was also cut off from James and Sirius. Everything happened quickly then. Remus had to stay close to Peter as students swarmed the door of the train. People bumped into him but there was so much chaos that they didn’t seem to notice they were bumping into nothing. Remus nearly lost sight of Peter but he followed the boy as close as he could. Then he found a compartment door shutting in his face. He quickly opened it and stepped inside.

“I lost him, James.” Sirius was saying, with his hands in his hair. “He was right with me and then I lost him!”

James was looking worriedly at his friend. “He just needs to get on the train. It’ll be fine. He’ll figure that much out.”

“Right here.” Remus said simply, tugging the cloak off.

Sirius rocketed to his feet eagerly and threw his arms wide. “Moony! Oh thank goodness!”

“Just followed Peter.” Remus said, scratching at the scar on his cheek. He didn’t want Sirius to hug him in front of the other two right now. It would be too much.

Remus felt a bit awkward standing there in this new space. The train compartment was small with seats facing each other. He was going to have to really interact with James and Peter a lot this ride, wasn’t he? He glanced between all the boys before walking towards the window and sitting down on the seat there. He tugged one knee up to his chest and hugged it, resting his chin on it. He saw the way James and Peter shared a glance before sitting down. James sat across from him and Peter sat close to the door. Sirius sat down beside Remus with a little eager bounce.

“Uniform looks good on you,” James said kindly. Remus stared at him blankly. 

He knew that the uniform was too small on him. His wrists and ankles stuck out strangely. He had also refused to wear the socks and shoes. He liked the robe though. That was a bit like wearing a blanket at all times. James seemed to squirm slightly when Remus didn’t say anything back. Remus felt Sirius nudge at him gently and he conceded and gave a shrug.

“It's fine.” He said simply.

James seemed to take this as enough and gave him a big smile. How odd. This boy didn’t seem to pick up that Remus didn’t have interest in talking to him. He was determined to communicate with Remus. Why? Peter seemed content to leave it be. Remus stared at James for several long seconds, taking in the over eager earnestness to his brown face. He wanted to impress Remus? No, he wanted to engage with him. He thought about the Rescue and how James had been the one to free all the other animals. That wasn’t so bad. Sirius liked him too, liked both of these boys, and they had helped to free a werewolf without too many questions. Still Remus remembered the way James had flinched away from his hand when they had first touched. There was prejudice in this boy, even if he was trying to hide it. But there was that in Sirius as well. These boys were raised differently but Remus had to believe there was good in them.

Remus sighed and decided to allow James’ bridge to be built. “I like the uniform. The robe is cool. Especially the Lion.” He said, tapping on the crest.

James looked ecstatic that his friendship was being accepted. “Yes! Personally I’ve always thought that Gryffindor has the coolest crest. I mean a lion? Way cooler than a badger or a snake or a silly bird. Plus we have the coolest colors as well. A nice good red.”

“Sirius told me Gryffindor was the worst house before.” Remus mused, shooting a smile over at his friend. “Funny that he is in it now.”

Sirius stuck his tongue out at him. “Well I’ll admit that I’m not always right.” 

James laughed and then they all fell briefly silent as the train started to move. Remus unconsciously gripped the seat beneath him as the train began to pick up speed. Suddenly they were leaving the station and Remus was getting his first look at the world. He couldn’t help the gasp that burst from his lips as he saw the city stretched out outside the window. The sheer amount of buildings and streets and people was staggering. He couldn’t look away. The train began to move faster and faster, blurring the city into a mess of details. His eyes flicked about madly, trying to settle on things and take them into his whirring mind. A red bus, a child dancing down the sidewalk in front of their mother, a dog barking in a back garden. All these little snippets of lives were buzzing past him. He didn’t get to stay with one detail long enough to form coherent thoughts about them. They just merged into a slush in his mind. Magic was certainly real though, the view from this window confirmed it.

The city gave way to landscapes of nature and something deep inside Remus tugged with the desire to run. The wolf seemed to be watching out the window too. It saw the green fields and high cliffs and it ached to run and to howl. What would that brackish pond they passed taste like? What would that herd of deer smell like? Remus realized how little he knew about the world. There was the innate instinct of the Wolf behind it all, but both parts of him yearned to know more.

The other boys were talking quietly around him. Remus had been checked out of the conversation for the entire ride so far, one hand pressed to the window. Distantly he knew James and Sirius had both tried to draw him into the conversation at different times, but he was uncaring. How were they not obsessed with watching the world slide by? Only one thing could pull Remus from these thoughts and his head whipped around as he smelled something and his stomach grumbled.

“Treats.” He declared, making all the other boys shut up and look at him strangely.

“Moony?” Sirius questioned.

Remus looked between the three boys. “I smell treats. Chocolate, pumpkin pasties, cauldron cakes. Coming down the way.”

“Oh!” James perked up in surprise. “The trolley! Blimey, you can smell that?”

Remus shrugged and nodded. Sirius handed him the invisibility cloak and he tugged it on. Moments later the compartment door opened and a woman stood there with a trolley filled with mouth watering goodies.

“Anything from the trolley, loves?” The woman asked

James Potter shot the ‘empty’ corner of the train compartment a look and puffed out his chest. He smiled at the witch before hopping up and pulling out a bag of coins.

“We’ll take the lot!”

Once the woman had left them with many samples of everything on the trolley, the invisibility cloak came off again, and the four boys set into the goodies. Remus decided that the best way to bond with someone was to share a meal with them. Even if the meal happened to just be twenty licorice wands and far far too many chocolate frogs. Because by the time the lads were halfway through eating through the pile of goodies they were laughing and bonding and Remus wasn’t quite so scared of them.

“Get it, Moony!” James hollered as an errant chocolate frog leaped towards the window for freedom. 

Remus paused slightly to hear someone besides Sirius using that nickname, but he didn’t mind it. It made him feel like he belonged. His instincts were good and he was able to grab the chocolate frog quickly and bite into it.

The wolf especially liked the chocolate frogs. It was the thrill of the hunt distilled down into a child’s candy. Sirius seemed to work this out and had been playfully releasing frogs all over the compartment. Remus wasn’t a bit shy in grabbing for them. Sometimes he didn’t even need to look for them, he could just shoot out a hand and claim the chocolate prize on the back of the chair or sitting on James’ head. The only time he’d gotten a funny look was when he had shot out a leg and easily grabbed a frog with one of his feet.

“Well.” Peter had said in the lull after that. “I suddenly see why you’re barefoot.”

Remus had the presence of mind not to eat the frog he’d caught with his toes. He’d slid it into his robe pocket for later. He knew that these pureblood boys would think him odd if he ate it in front of him. However he wasn’t about to waste perfectly good chocolate!

The delight of four boys sharing a pile of treats changed things. Remus would remember that first train ride fondly for all his life. It was easy to slot himself into this new life when the other three made it so simple. They didn’t judge him for his feral nature or his odd approach to things. They didn’t make him feel bad when he didn’t know how to open the little candy boxes with his fingers and had instead used his teeth. James had just leaned across and showed him how to do it. There hadn’t been malice or mocking, just a kindness to James’ eyes. When Remus had casually tossed aside a chocolate frog card, Peter had caught it eagerly. Peter had explained how he collected them and Remus had gotten up curiously to sit beside the other boy and let Peter explain to him about the cards and the different wizards and witches on them. Remus had been fascinated but had passed each one he opened over to Peter because the boy lit up at them.

And Sirius. Of course Sirius didn’t make him feel bad either. His best friend had laughed loudly when the train had gone through a tunnel and Remus had briefly panicked and asked how night had fallen so quickly. Then Remus’ eyes had adjusted, realized what was going on, and he had kicked out a long leg gently into Sirius’ side. Sirius had tugged on that leg, yanking Remus flat onto his back on the train seat, and had tickled him. Then the daylight had returned to the compartment and the boys had all been light and laughing.

He thought about last night at 12 Grimmauld Place when he had felt too dirty to touch anything. He thought about how he thought Sirius belonged somewhere lighter than those dark and dingy halls. He thought perhaps they both belonged somewhere like this. The light and liminal space of the train was only supposed to be a bridge between their individual worlds and the world of Hogwarts. However, Remus felt he could remain on this train forever and be quite happy. He felt like this was the first spot he belonged properly, and he could tell from the confident smile on Sirius’ face that his friend felt much the same.

“We should fix your hair.” Peter piped up once the mound of sweets had been quite thoroughly eviscerated.

Remus was leaning against the window, watching the world again, and Sirius was slumped against his shoulder groaning every so often. James seemed to be reading something and Peter was sprawled across most of the train seat, his hands resting on his stomach.

Remus picked at his long hair and tugged at one of the tangles in it. “Sirius tried. It's messy.”

James looked up and peered at Remus. “My hair is messy too, but not so long. Still I bet McGonagall would deduct points if she saw you like that.”

Sirius snorted. “But no one is going to see Moony. Keeping him hidden, remember?”

James nodded and pushed his glasses up. “Still, just in case. What if they do? He’d blend in more if his hair was nor-” James cut off politely.

“Normal.” Remus finished for him. James looked embarrassed and Remus nodded. “I know I don’t look normal, James.”

“I didn’t mean it in a bad way!” James said quickly. “I think you look quite cool with the long hair. Like a modern rockstar or something. However the knots…”

Remus stuck a bit of hair into his mouth and tried to work a knot out with his teeth. He gave a tiny frustrated growl. “Isn’t there some magic for this?” He said with a bit of frustration.

“I bet a girl would know a hair spell!” Peter piped up, trying to be helpful.

James and Sirius both looked over at him and shook their heads.

“We can’t let anyone know.” Sirius said simply.

James hopped up “But! Pete is right in one way! A girl would have advice. I’ll go find Cas or Marlene and see if they know anything about taming hair.” He grinned and pointed at his own wild hair. “I mean they’ll be thrilled to give me tips.”

With that James bounded out of the compartment. Remus picked at another knot in his hair. Were girls really capable of handling a mess of tangles like this though? He scrunched his legs up to his chest and fussed with a tangle as he waited for James to return.

James returned with two funny objects in his hands. One was just long with a bunch of little sticks poking from it, another was rounded with more little sticks all clustered together. A brush and a comb. His mind supplied these words though he didn’t remember ever seeing them before.

“Borrowed these.” James said “I bet we can brush some of the tangles out, right?”

Sirius held out his hands. “Best let me do it, Potter. You look like you’ve never used one of these before.”

James laughed but handed the things over. Sirius shifted to face Remus. “Alright with me doing this, Moony?” He asked, and Remus just turned about in response. Like this he could see out the window. That wasn’t so bad.

At first the hair brush on the ends of his hair was nice. It felt like fingers moving through it and it was soothing. But then Sirius hit the first knot and Remus scrunched his eyes up in a bit of pain. That hurt! However he was used to pain and so he stayed silent as Sirius tugged and yanked, trying and failing to get the brush free of the stubborn knot. Remus was so focused on the brush yanking his head about that he didn’t even notice the footsteps until the compartment door slammed open.

“James Potter!” A loud voice said, and Remus turned his head about to stare at the newest entry to their compartment. 

She was a short girl with a roundness to her and skin that was pale and covered with freckles. Her hair was a long and curling mess of red, with two little braids pulled back along the crown of her head. She wore the uniform too, and Remus noted she was also Gryffindor. She was staring directly at James with a hand on one of her hips. 

“Marlene says you came along and stole my hairbrush! Where is it?”

“Evans I-” James held up his hands and tried to step in front of Remus.

Her eyes had already landed on the boy though and widened ever so slightly. Remus hugged his knees tighter, was this all crashing down on him?

“What are you doing, Black?” Lily said, stepping forward.

Sirius shifted in front of Remus protectively. “Lily, I think it's best you leave.” He said.

Lily just pushed him gently aside and grabbed onto the hairbrush. “You’re going to rip all his hair out if you do it like that.” Lily said as if Sirius was the dumbest boy she had ever met. “You have to work at it gently, not trap it in a tangle and tug. You’ve probably been hurting him.”

Sirius paled at this, looking at Remus in worry. Remus, for his part, was watching Lily Evan’s face. She was focused now, head down and examining the brush caught up in the tangle. Remus could see in his periphery that she was carefully and gently untangling the strands of his hair from the brush. She did it with care and grace and the brush was easily removed. She gave Remus a smile and though her eyes flickered across his scarred face she didn’t seem bothered by it. Then she sat down between Sirius and Remus and began carefully brushing out Remus’ hair as if she had been intending to come and do this all along.

“I’m Lily.” The girl said as Remus turned his head back to looking out the window. Her voice was quiet and calmer now. A soothing gentle breeze against the back of his head. Remus rested his chin back on his knees.

“Remus.” He said softly.

“Nice to meet you, Remus.” She said as he felt her fingers untangling a stubborn knot. “Some of this tangling is bad. Do you mind if I use my wand to cut some matts off? It’ll make your hair healthier to have a trim.”

Remus nodded. He felt it as his hair was cut, and he found he wasn’t a bit scared to know that Lily was using magic to cut his hair. He trusted that she wasn’t going to hurt him. There was something familiar about the way Lily handled his hair, handled him, and Remus found himself trusting her implicitly. 

Remus' head was growing lighter as Lily cut off all the dead ends and tangles from it. The other boys were being absurdly quiet and when Remus glanced over at them he wanted to laugh. They looked intimidated by short, round, wonderful Lily Evans. Was Lily a predator then? She did have a certain way of carrying herself that brokered no argument. Lily was giving his hair a last brush through and Remus shifted around. She smiled then and Remus liked the way her smile was crooked on one side. 

“There. Much better.” Lily said, reaching out a hand to fluff up some of Remus’ curls

“It looks amazing, Evans.” James piped up. “Want to do mine next?”

Lily’s attitude changed as she shot a look over to James. “Nobody could rescue that mop of hair, Potter.”

She stood and tucked the brush and comb into her robe pocket and started to turn to go. Sirius shot upright and stepped forward.

“Lily?” He said, holding out a cautious hand. “Remus is a Gryffindor. Like us. He just...missed the first half of school.”

Lily looked back at Sirius and then flicked her eyes to Remus. Remus hunched his shoulders up a bit and scratched at the scar on his cheek. Lily looked sad for a minute and then looked back to Sirius.

“I’m a Gryffindor too.” Lily said simply. “And we protect our own. Loyalty and Bravery. Good thing you’re finally fitting into the house, Black.”

Then she left the compartment and the boys all let out collective sighs.

“She’s cool.” Remus said simply

James let out a funny little noise and melted back against his seat. “She’s Lily Evans.”

Remus lifted a hand to feel at his hair. It felt light and soft. All the horrible knots were gone. He didn’t think his hair had ever felt so nice. It was shorter though, only hanging to his just above his shoulders now. He didn’t mind that so much had been taken off though. He was starting over on a lot of things and this was still long enough to hide behind if he needed it.

This time when they entered a tunnel, Remus didn’t jump. He stared at the window and the wavering reflection of himself stared back.

“I look like a mess.” Remus had said, staring into the mirror in Sirius’ fancy bathroom. 

He had finally been coaxed from the tub. His hair was messy and tangled and hanging around him dripping water. Now that all the dirt was gone his skin was clean and exposed. Remus had no clear recollection of what he looked like until now. Before this moment his sense of self had been relegated to his internal feelings and the look of his hands and feet. Seeing his face for the first time like this was a lot to take in.

He had leaned in close to the mirror, turning his face from side to side. This was Remus? He had imagined himself differently in his head. Like how he imagined characters in the books Sirius gave him. He knew them well, he was fond of them, but their images slid like water through his mind. The image of self had always been so vague and nebulous to him. Now he was faced with a certainty of self. He had a big nose that was a bit crooked. He had eyebrows that were untamed, one bisected by a scar. He had lips that had a little swoop in them. He had lighter brown eyes that looked strange and sad. Remus had all of these things. He was Remus. Yet the boy in the mirror seemed so distant to the boy he knew as ‘Self’.

He had lifted a hand and traced it along the scar on his cheek that he tended to scratch at as an idle habit. He never knew that they stood out so much on his face. The silver jagged lines drew attention away from his ordinary looking face. The wolf had claimed Remus for itself and nobody would ever be able to see past its grip on him. Sirius had popped forward and put his face right next to Remus’ in the mirror. Sirius own face seemed even prettier with Remus there to compare it to. His friend had a perfectly straight nose, tamed brows, and nice lips. His grey eyes contained mirth and joy. Only the fresh scar on his cheekbone stood out.

“You look great.” Sirius had said with light and happy innocence. “Like so wild and cool. A Moony full of secrets and mystery. A bad boy. Peter says girls love that.”

Remus had burst into laughter at that, shifting and tucking his face against Sirius’ shoulder as he giggled. What did he care what girls thought about himself? He was way too busy figuring out what he himself thought of Remus!

Now looking into his reflection in the dark panel of the train window he didn’t mind his face so much. It still didn’t seem like him, but it was closer. Something about the moving texture of the tunnel wall rushing just past his reflection felt correct. There was more to how he viewed himself than just the surface level of his face. There was a teeming textured darkness just beyond that. What truly encapsulated Remus. The Wolf. The chaos. The strangeness of sitting in a train compartment with the certainty that life was just about to properly begin. Remus smiled at his own reflection and reached up to tug on a tawny curl beside his face. He was excited to be this person.

Chapter Text

Sirius shifted slightly as he felt the train pulling to a stop. He had fallen asleep and left a patch of drool where he had laid. Which happened to be on Remus’ shoulder. After Lily had left, the boys had talked for a bit before the sweets in their stomachs had called them for a nap. Remus had pulled his long legs up, wrapped himself up in his robe, and leaned against the window. Only his hair had been visible, sticking out the top. Sirius had flopped over and rested his head on Remus’ shoulder and joined him in a nap. James and Peter had talked quietly for a while before they too slumped into sleepy silence. 

Now the train was pulling into Hogsmeade Station and Sirius stretched and yawned before reaching over to gently shake Remus awake. Remus looked so fluffy now that his hair had been released of its old matts. When his friend stuck his head out and looked around Sirius thought it was really nice to be able to see him properly for the first time.

“We’re at the station now, Moony.” Sirius informed him as Remus leaned over to peer out the window. “We’ll take the carriages to the castle and then get you to Gryffindor tower.”

Remus gave him a serious little nod before standing and reaching for the invisibility cloak. Before his friend disappeared Sirius stepped forward and gave him a tight hug. When Remus made a noise of surprise he stepped back with a smile.

“Just excited I can do that now!” He explained. Remus gave him a soft answering smile before the cloak twirled about his shoulders and he was gone.

Sirius then woke up James and Peter and the group got ready to depart. They formed a small squad, with James leading and Sirius and Peter forming a triangle behind him. Invisible Remus was in the center of this moving triangle, protected from the hustle and bustle around them. Occasionally Sirius would reach out a hand and touch it against Remus’ back just to make sure he was still there. He didn’t want to experience the abject fear of losing him again like he had when they had boarded the train.

Hagrid was there waiting for all the first years and the tall man gathered them all up in a small group. They would be taking the carriages again and Sirius was eager to board them. Soon he was going to be walking in the halls of Hogwarts again. It had only been two weeks ago that he had left for break, but it felt like so much longer. He was brimming with excitement. He couldn’t wait to pull out his records and muggle clothing and his wonderful warm Gryffindor scarf. It had been such a tumultuous winter break but now he had almost six months where he could be at Hogwarts with his friends. No mother, no father, no Toujours Pur.

Sirius stuck with his friends as they followed Hagrid to the carriages. The older students had all gone ahead again but the first years were always supposed to follow a teacher. Peter had heaved a sigh of relief when they had been told that they wouldn’t take the boats again until the end of term. They stepped into the area where the carriages awaited and the four boys hung back. All the other first years claimed carriages with eagerness, but they waited. Once there was only one left then they moved.

Sirius stepped forward and walked into a wall. Or rather, into an invisible werewolf.

“Moony?” He whispered when his friend refused to move closer to the carriage.

“What is that?” Remus said, and his voice sounded scared and shaky.

Sirius glanced towards the self-moving carriage with a frown. Sure it was probably something Remus had never seen before, but it wasn’t that scary. Well, maybe it was when you didn’t know what it was.

“It's a carriage, Moony. It's going to take us to school. You sit it in and it pulls itself along and then we are at Hogwarts. Didn’t you see the other students getting in them?”

Remus made a funny noise. “Not that I mean the…”

Sirius saw a hand appear out of thin air, Remus’ hand. It was pointing towards the front of the carriage where there was nothing. Sirius squinted at the air there. Did Remus see something in the forest beyond the carriage? His friend did have rather good eyesight.

“I don’t see anything weird, Moony.” He said, a bit frustrated. “Can we just get into the carriage? We are so close to Hogwarts now! I want you to see it.”

Remus made another soft little noise before Sirius heard him stepping forward. A few moments later Sirius was clambering up into the carriage and forgetting all about the funny encounter. The carriage was moving then, taking them along the beautiful woodland path and towards Hogwarts.

*  *  *

Remus couldn’t stop thinking about the poor desiccated looking creature that was pulling their carriage along. Sirius hadn’t seemed bothered by it but Remus was, incredibly so. He couldn’t stop thinking about the skeletal looking creature. Its skin clung tight to its bones and its legs seemed so impossibly frail. Why would Hogwarts treat its creatures like this? Remus' stomach kept turning about in circles. In his mind the creature pulling their carriage was clearly facing abuse. The being was so frail that he half expected it to drop dead at any moment. This didn’t bode well for him either. If Hogwarts treated a service creature like this, then what did that mean for him? Remus was now imagining a whole slew of professors and Hogwarts staff that all thought like The Owner.

Sirius, James, and Peter were all laughing and chattering with excitement. They acted like they couldn’t even see the poor skeletal creature pulling their carriage along. Sirius had acted like he was weird for even pointing it out. Remus was once again reminded that he was so very different from these boys. They were used to things being done for them by house elves or other beings. They only needed to think of themselves. Remus, for his part, hardly even noticed when they pulled up to a stone courtyard. When the carriage stopped he hopped down and instantly moved towards the skeletal being at the front. He was invisible but the creature seemed to know he was there. It let out a huff that billowed in the cold air. It stamped at the ground too, and Remus knew it smelled a predator.

“It's okay.” He whispered softly, lifting a hand up in the cloak. 

The creature snuffled at it and must have decided he was okay because it allowed Remus to touch it with the cloak between them. It still stamped hard at the ground though, and Remus knew this went against its nature, to allow a predator to touch it.

“I’m sorry.” Remus said then, just as quietly. “I would free you if I knew how.”

Remus was pulled from his thoughts as a tall rugged man, the same that had led them to the carriages, stepped up right beside him.

“There now.” He said, seemingly talking to the creature that Remus had just been whispering to. 

Remus quickly backed away before the giant of a man tripped over him. Remus watched carefully, expecting that the man would be horrid and scold the beast to stop stamping. Instead the man was gentle, stroking down the creature’s nose with utmost care. Calming it with a few gentle noises and words. Remus was now terribly confused by it all. This man genuinely seemed to care for the beings, and yet they were gaunt and malnourished. Remus knew how it felt to have your ribs jutting out and the pang of hunger eating away inside you.

“Got a bit of a spook there, eh?” The man was mumbling to the being in a voice that rumbled like distant thunder “Don’t you worry. You’ll be free to roam off in the forest again soon.”

The creature gave a happy little prance at this and Remus felt more confused than ever. Whoever this man was, the being liked him. Remus turned his attention to the man. Adults always seemed big to Remus, but this man seemed larger than life. He loomed high above him and had hands the size of dinner plates. Everything about him seemed rough and rugged but his accented voice was kind. He had wild bushy hair that was pulled back from his face with a bit of rope. It seemed pointless to keep that hair back when there was just as much hair adorning his chin. He had a wide snubbed noise and dark brown eyes that looked on the creature with endless kindness. No he was not like The Owner at all. He was dressed in a hodgepodge of clothing and furs and Remus thought the man seemed quite wild. There was a familiarity to that wildness, something Remus felt in his own bones.

More than that, Remus knew he was not human. Not completely. He smelled different than the other humans did. He smelled like the deep loam beneath the earth, like rocks and secrets in the deep. There was an ancient quality to this smell that Remus had never smelled before. There was the human of him too, a smell that Remus knew so well that it faded to the back, but it was this new smell that made Remus trust him. It was enough to make Remus step away and believe that this gaunt creature was going to be taken care of. Enough for him to walk over to join his friends, slipping a hand carefully into Sirius’

“Moony.” Sirius sounded relieved beyond belief. “I had no idea where you were again. Thought we might have left you behind somewhere. Starting to hate that invisibility cloak a bit.”

Remus squeezed his hand gently. “Just looking at some things.”

“The castle?” Sirius whispered back excitedly “What do you think?”

Right. The castle. Hogwarts. Remus had been too busy looking at eye level with the creature that he hadn’t thought to take in his surroundings. He looked up and nearly stumbled backwards. Hogwarts loomed above them in all its seven levels of glory. Sirius had described the towers and arches to him but it didn’t compare to seeing it in person. Remus could crane his neck all the way back and it still seemed like he couldn’t see all of the castle. There was so much there! So much space to explore. He had been in a cage just a day ago and now he was here. They were standing in a stone courtyard with a statue in the middle of it. The courtyard led up to a large wooden door. Currently the other students had all bundled into the warmth and James and Peter were hurrying ahead. Remus couldn’t move.

He was gripping onto Sirius’ hand tightly, unable to express all of the thoughts swirling through his mind right now. He wanted to weep, he thought, or perhaps laugh. His world kept growing faster than he could take it in. He knew it would expand even further once they stepped through that wooden portal. The outside of Hogwarts was overwhelming but he knew the interior would contain a multitude of more overwhelming things. He wanted a moment to compose himself, but the door opened and warm golden light spilled out onto the snowy courtyard.

“Mr. Black!” A voice called out. “Come inside. I would not want to deduct points from you this early on!”

Sirius nodded quickly. “Yes Professor!”

He tugged Remus’ hand and they quickly made their way there, though Remus remembered to let go of Sirius’ hand just before they entered so it wouldn’t look like his friend’s arm just cut off at the end.

When they stepped inside Remus was blasted by a myriad of smells. Hogwarts smelled like candle wax and decaying tomes, like old stone and linen, excitement and trepidation. Remus’ nose felt like it was working overtime and the wolf inside him wanted to bend down and sniff out everything. He eventually had to clamp a hand over his nose entirely just so he didn’t get overwhelmed by it all.

Then of course the sounds hit him with full force. He could hear so many voices rising up with eager shouts. Friends seeing each other after the winter break, talking about presents and stories and family happenings. He could hear the clattering of silverware and footsteps rushing to their places before the evening meal started. He could hear other whisperings too and he followed these noises to stare up at portraits on the walls. The portraits were talking and moving about, sharing in the eagerness of having the students back. His eyes caught further movement and two ghosts drifted past, arresting Remus in his spot as he stared. They were talking too, speaking quietly about the coming speech from the Headmaster.

Remus shifted his hands to clamp over his ears instead of his nose. What was better? Neither really worked to dull his sharp senses or the overload he was experiencing. He needed a distraction. He needed something familiar. The problem was there was nothing familiar to cling to, nothing he could use to steady himself. He couldn’t even grab on to Sirius lest he ruin the entire plan.

Then he remembered the chocolate frog in his pocket, the one he had shoved in there earlier after catching it with his toes. Feeling dizzy he reached into his pocket, grabbed it, and bit into it. The chocolate washed over his tongue with a familiar wonderful warmness. He focused on that familiarity as he stared about at the strange around him. The flavor of the chocolate centered him, anchored him, and reminded him that he could face all this. A while ago he hadn’t known what chocolate tasted like, and now he knew that. He would know all this too.

He stepped up and lightly bumped his shoulder against Sirius’. “It's amazing.” He said softly.

Sirius turned his megawatt smile on him and nodded enthusiastically. “I have so much I want to show you, Moony. So much. Let's get you to the dorm first. Follow me.”

The two boys ducked away from the crowd, hurrying away from the Great Hall and into the central stairwell of Hogwarts. Remus had to stop again and stare when he realized that there were portraits everywhere here, and massive stone staircases that seemed to be moving. Sirius was already halfway up a staircase and Remus hurried to catch up with him. His bare feet slapped against the stairs as he dashed up them, terrified that they were going to suddenly move and cut him off from his friend.

Sirius was moving quickly and Remus had no time to get his bearings or to understand where exactly they were going. Remus was struggling as well. His legs felt like jelly after the very first staircase. He still had no muscles or meat on him and trying to haul himself up these stairs was an ordeal. Remus' legs felt like they were burning and he knew he was letting out ragged pants. He knew somehow that ordinarily he would not be able to accomplish this. He should have had no strength at all to continuously climb these stairs after years of captivity. However the wolf inside him was stubborn and lent him a strength that a normal human wouldn’t have. Despite the toll it was taking on his body he kept stepping forward. One more step. One more. Until they were standing on a landing and looking at a portrait of a large and lovely woman.

“Hello!” Sirius said, stepping forward with confidence towards the portrait. “Is the password still Opulent Occamy?”

The lady in the portrait was waving a large feathered fan. “Darling, you know they change it frequently. Start of new term. Shouldn’t you be at the feast?”

The woman’s voice was sing-songy and funny to Remus’ ears. Sirius shoved his hands in his robe pockets and gave the portrait a wink. 

“I wanted to see my favorite lady of Hogwarts before anyone else got here.” He said, and Remus rolled his eyes as the woman tittered and waved her fan.

“Oh Sirius Black! Always so charming, aren't you? The ladies will love that when you are grown. Adorable, just adorable. I don’t think your silver tongue works quite as well as you think it does yet though, little Sir.”

Remus saw the way Sirius’ ears were turning red and he grinned.

Sirius shrugged and looked down briefly. “Can’t you please let me in, dear lady?”

The woman looked at Sirius and let out a sigh as she settled the fan over her bosom. “Yes yes, I will allow you entry. Only because I am fond of having a little Black in Gryffindor. Makes for the most wondrous gossip about the halls.”

And with that the portrait swung open and Sirius stepped inside. Remus was quick to join him before the Fat Lady swung closed again. Remus stepped into Gryffindor common room and looked about himself curiously. At first the room was dark but something in the ancient walls seemed to sense their presence. Suddenly a fire sprang to life in the massive fireplace, and several lamps and candles lit themselves. The overall look was warm and wonderful, with many tapestries lining the walls and large comfy furniture that looked well worn and comfortable. It was quiet there too, and Remus had the urge to curl up by the fire and sleep.

Sirius was already starting towards a staircase though, and Remus followed. As he entered the stairwell he tugged off the cloak and followed Sirius up. Sirius stopped at a door and pushed it and they stepped inside the dorm room.

“This is our room.” Sirius informed him and tentatively Remus stepped inside.

It was wonderful. How else to describe it? It had four beds adorned with deep red curtains, plush looking carpets spread on the floor beside each bed, chests at the end of them, and a window that looked upon the expanse of the world beyond. It was more than anything Remus had dared to dream of. Sirius was walking over and patting the post of one of the beds, turning to smile at Remus.

“This is your bed, Remus.” He said

“Mine?” Remus whispered, walking over and laying his hand on the burgundy duvet. It was soft and plush and it was his.

He’d not ever owned anything before. Not really. Not until the little plastic car in the Christmas Cracker. A whole bed though! He jumped forward onto it, spreading out and rolling about. It was perfect. It seemed to want to swallow him up and hold him and Remus felt himself yawning already. He felt the mattress sink and found Sirius flopping down beside him.

“Do you like it?” Sirius asked, his grey eyes all hopeful and eager to please.

Remus nodded and hugged the pillow close to his chest. “It's the best thing. The very best thing.”

The two boys laid facing each other with little smiles on their faces. There was not much they could say, not much they knew how to say. It had been a long six months working up to this point. For both of them it didn’t feel quite real yet. There was still so much to overcome, and to figure out, but they were children. They had done so much already and for a moment, a few beats of a heart, they just wanted to remain in this bubble of victory together.

Remus drifted off without realizing. The sensory overload of the day combined with the haul up the stairs had him exhausted beyond belief. He slipped under, hugging his new pillow and curled up happily. He only shifted slightly when he felt the covers being pulled up over him and he nestled down further. For the first time, utterly safe, Remus slept.

*  *  *

Sirius found it hard to leave Remus there. His friend had fallen asleep so quickly and Sirius had tucked him in. He wanted to linger there and make sure that Remus was okay, but he also knew he needed to get back down to the Great Hall for the feast. Briefly he looked about their dorm room. It felt even better now that the fourth bed was filled with its owner. He walked over to his own bed and nervously knelt down on the carpet.

He was scared to lift up the skirt of the bed, scared that when he looked under his muggle treasures wouldn’t be there. He took a breath and peeked under and let out a huge sigh of relief as he saw his records, his shirts, and his scarf. All right where he left them. He briefly pulled out the Bowie record and ran his hand over the cover of it. He was glad that Hogwarts had kept these things safe for him. He felt just by seeing them that he was returning to himself. He ached to pop the record on and to show Remus, but that would be for another day. For now he tucked everything back away and tiptoed out of the dorm room before rushing down the stairs. He dashed out of the common room and rushed back to the Great Hall, stumbling inside just as Dumbledore was finishing his speech. He saw McGonagall shoot him a stern look and gave her a wide cheeky grin in reply before hopping over to sit with his friends.

James gave him a look and leaned forward. “All good?”

“All good.” Sirius said, unable to help the huge grin on his face. “The dorm room is...better than when we left it.”

James grinned back and held out his fist. Sirius and Peter both bumped their hands against it.

“Thanks.” Sirius said, looking between his two friends. “Couldn’t have done that without you.”

“Oh, you probably would have.” James teased. “But you just would have ended up as the youngest prisoner in Azkaban or something.”

The three boys laughed together at that. Then the food appeared and their attention was focused on eating. Sirius was starving after mother had whisked him away before breakfast and lunch had only been sweets. He set about devouring his meal, though with proper Black etiquette in place, and occasionally would slip things into his deep robe pockets for Remus.

At one point he looked up and made eye contact with Lily Evans who was watching him carefully. Severus Snape was at her side, sitting at Gryffindor table and looking miserable about it, except when he looked at Lily. Sirius gave Lily a cautious little nod and she gave him a smile before turning back to her conversation. She was too bright. She had definitely noticed Remus’ absence at the dinner table and Sirius suspected that Lily might accidentally throw a wrench into their entire plan. Sirius wouldn’t let that happen. He was going to keep Remus safe above all else. 

Chapter Text

Hogwarts had a schedule that Remus learned quickly. In the morning students would wake and go down to breakfast. Then they would go to classes. In between classes there was a rising cacophony of voices as eager younglings yelled to each other in the halls, rushing from here to there but still managing to grasp at the social life between. Professors would attempt to scurry the children onwards to their next classes and would eventually succeed. Then the classroom doors would shutter in the kids, things would fall to silence, and the castle would breathe, only to be interrupted loudly as first class ended and second began. Then it was lunch and a free period and after that classes would continue until the night and dinner. Then students would retire to their respective common rooms to talk and hang out and enjoy time together. Or to sit in the Great Hall or library to chat with those friends that didn’t share a house with them.

The Menagerie had had a schedule as well, but it was nothing like this. Remus had only ever woken up, stared about, and dealt with what was handed to him. In a strange way that is what he did now. He would get up in the mornings and watch as James, Peter, and Sirius all battled for the bathroom and got ready for classes. Then he would get up himself, once they had left, and get ready. Normally he would wait around until Sirius came bounding back up into the dorm with whatever food he had managed to steal from breakfast. Then Sirius would be off again, and Remus would be alone. He would eat and then he would sweep the invisibility cloak about his shoulders and walk into his own Hogwarts.

Underneath the cloak he would take to the halls, watching and observing the world that he was within but also outside of. If he was quick he could sometimes dart into a classroom and sit in the back with his knees pulled to his chest and listen. It amazed him that these other children had all of this at their fingertips and that some decided to sleep through it. Many times he didn’t understand the lessons, but he adored them nonetheless. When teachers would show wand movements he would make the movements with his hand, determined to someday harness his magic.

When he couldn’t get into a classroom he would wander the halls. He would stand in front of portraits and listen to them talk, or watch them move. He would work on walking up and down the staircases, building up his strength. He would explore every nook and cranny of the castle he could. Remus was a ghost in the halls of Hogwarts. He moved through the school invisible and unnoticed. There was a strange peace to learning the castle like this, hidden in James’ cloak. He could sit on a windowsill and watch the students rush off to their classes and they wouldn’t see him. He could follow a professor around for hours, learning their walking pattern and seeing what books they read. He adored climbing the staircases, opening doors, and discovering this world in quiet solitude.

When the sun would break out he would slip out onto the snowy grounds and wiggle his bare toes into the snow. He ached to run towards the lake and the forest, but he knew leaving a trail of footprints was a bad idea. So he would stand there and yearn for the wild and wish that the snow would melt. He knew someday his world would expand once more, to encompass the grounds of Hogwarts.

He found that discovering Hogwarts quietly on his own was what he needed to process the many new things he was experiencing. Some things he knew even though he didn’t know how. The first time he had entered the toilets he had just known what to do, though he couldn’t recall ever learning them. Most everything was brand new though. He had already learned not to touch the lovely moving portraits (they got mad) and also to be very careful of the staircases (His foot had gone through one step).

He found himself trying things he had never tried before. Sirius brought him all sorts of new foods and Remus loved them all. He also loved getting to sleep in his own bed every night. He had tried socks again, and shoes, and had decided that those certainly were not for him. There was something wonderful about exploring the castle and feeling every bit of it with his bare feet. 

His days were long and quiet and lonely, but not in a bad way. His evenings were loud and filled with his new friends. Remus would get back to the dorm room as classes were ending and he would tug off the cloak. Soon the other boys would rush in and shed their uniforms and flop onto the carpet. Then they would talk and play games and Remus would learn so much.

James and Peter were also of the coveted ‘pure’ blood, but they spoke about it differently than Sirius ever had. In fact they had seemed quite surprised when Remus had asked if they were purebloods or not.

“Does that matter?” James had asked, staring at Remus in confusion.

Remus had felt out of his depth and he glanced over at Sirius but his friend seemed to be unable to meet his eyes.

“Doesn’t it?” Remus said slowly. “I know that purebloods are supposed to be, um, better at magic, right? I assume you are since you got me out and all.”

James glanced towards Sirius with a frown but shook his head. “Peter and I are purebloods, yeah, but that doesn’t make us better at magic. All of that is a bunch of nonsense, really. Or at least that's what my mother says, and she’s the smartest person I know.”

“Oh.” Remus had murmured. In his mind Sirius was the smartest person he knew, but he thought maybe he was a little bit biased, and he didn’t know very many people. Besides he could tell that his friend had changed a lot since they had gotten to see each other.

Sirius had looked up at him then and offered a small shrug. “Lily, the girl who cut your hair? She’s not pureblooded. She comes from a muggle family. She’s pretty amazing at charms.”

“I thought Muggles couldn’t do magic.” Remus said, feeling further confused by all this random terminology.

James laughed and nodded “Muggles can’t, but sometimes muggles can have magical children. Like Lily. That makes her even more special.”

Remus groaned and shoved his hands in his hair. “Too many terms! I’m just calling everyone witches and wizards and leaving it at that!”

The boys had laughed with him then, already quite fond of Remus’ constant exasperation with the wizarding world. Remus made a silent note to himself to try and listen in on how other students at school talked about all this. It was hard when he only had two very narrow perspectives: the first being his own caged existence, and the second being Sirius’.

His new friends seemed to believe that being a pureblood really meant nothing at all, but Remus observed that it did mean something to others at the school. Sometimes he would follow the trio when he was invisible. His new friends seemed to be known about the school and people moved out of the way of Sirius Black, James Potter, and Peter Pettigrew. Remus, trailing behind, would hear the soft whispers about the boys. Especially about Sirius. Students seemed to love to talk about Sirius Black, the pureblood renegade in the making.

Remus wondered how his new friends could be so utterly oblivious to the fact that people knew them because of their names and their status. They were blithely unaware of the privilege covering them like laurels. Remus noticed the other first years didn’t garner so much gossip and attention, but his roommates certainly did. And it certainly inflated their egos whether they realized it or not. 

“Everyone talks about you.” Remus told Sirius one evening as they were sitting tucked up near the dorm window together. They were facing each other and right now, age eleven and twelve, they could fit into the nook together. Each boy had a book on their laps but they weren’t reading.

“They talk about me?” Sirius asked, lifting his grey eyes to meet Remus’ “What do you mean?”

Remus shrugged. “They whisper about how odd it is for Sirius Black to be in Gryffindor. They whisper about Regulus Black coming to school next year. Everyone wants to know what house he’ll be sorted into.”

Sirius’ lips twisted in frustration at the mention of Regulus. Remus had tried talking to his friend about his brother but it always ended up with Sirius ignoring him or changing the subject. Sirius huffed now and turned his face down towards his book.

“Regulus will get into Slytherin. Because he is a conniving backstabbing little brat.”

Remus looked at him silently and waited for Sirius to lift his head again. Eventually Sirius did and Remus leveled him a look. “I know you don’t mean that.”

“Yes I do.” Sirius said waspishly, lifting his chin stubbornly. 

“Well, you’re a brat too.” Remus said back “And you got into Gryffindor.”

“What would you know about it all?” Sirius snapped, untangling their legs and standing up in a huff. Remus stood too. He was only slightly taller than his friend, but it was an advantage he liked. Sirius had clearly stood up to lord over him, but he couldn’t do that when Remus could look down an inch on him.

Sirius scowled and crossed his arms petulantly. “You don’t know anything about this world.” Sirius said cruelly. “Just because you get to listen to whispers instead of being in class doesn’t mean anything. I know way more than you do, Remus.”

Remus kicked Sirius in the shin. Sirius yelped and bent over “What was that for, Moony?”

“You’re being a brat. You’ve been a brat since we came back to Hogwarts. You’re sulking and frustrated because Regulus pulled a prank on you.”

“He didn’t pull a prank, Moony.” Sirius seethed. “He betrayed me! He sold me out to mother!”

“Okay fine. He betrayed you. But he’s only eleven.”

“Ten and three quarters.”

“Fine.” Remus rolled his eyes “Ten and three quarters. I seem to remember you saying, once upon a time, that Regulus didn’t know anything yet. Because you were older and wiser.”

“Yeah? So that's still true. I am older and wiser than he is!”

Remus tilted his head and raised an eyebrow and waited in silence. Sirius stared back at him and Remus could see the emotions flickering over his face before his dramatic friend heaved out a sigh.

"So Reg couldn’t really have known how much mother would do when he told her about the Floo Network. Because he was angry with me for being a bad big brother and he didn’t know how to express it. Plus then he didn’t come to the Platform because he knew I was mad at him and we never got to make up.”

Remus nodded, satisfied. He sat back down at the window and opened his book. Sirius joined him a few moments later. Remus looked up when his friend gently tugged on his ankle to get his attention.

“I’m sorry for being a brat.” Sirius said softly.

Remus smiled and nodded back at him. “I know. It's fine. I know you hear the whispers too, sometimes. I know that you don’t like people talking about you.”

Sirius looked out the window and Remus turned his gaze outside as well. There was snow falling and it looked peaceful and lovely now that Remus got to be inside watching it. He liked the quiet of winter like this. Eventually he turned his attention back to Sirius’ profile which was brooding and solemn. 

"I just want to be noticed for the right things.” Sirius said quietly after a few long moments.

Remus hummed softly in affirmation. As someone who was currently not noticed at all, he supposed he could start to understand that. It must be hard for an entire school to be whispering behind your back. Sirius was incredibly brave to handle all that, he thought, perhaps that was why he ended up in Gryffindor.

All and all Remus was incredibly relieved that his first experience of Hogwarts was a relatively hidden one. He already found this new life terribly frightening and overwhelming and the invisibility cloak separated him from most of the drama and the sensations. While he wanted to engage sometimes with other students like Lily, he found it bearable to remain set apart from it all.

He was still a werewolf, and he knew that made him different. There were no other students wandering about with scars covering every inch of their bodies. He was a predator among prey and he understood that he was never going to be properly trusted here if people knew of his existence. He knew, somehow, that even when the cloak came off he was still an outsider. He wasn’t a student and he wasn’t a Gryffindor. He was a ghost.

Sometimes as a ghost he would attach himself to the side of one of his friends. Sirius was the obvious choice most days, because he liked seeing his best friend in his different classes. James was a close second though because James had the busiest schedule out of all three boys, and James did all sorts of random activities that Sirius and Peter didn’t do. The first time Remus spent a day with James he hadn’t even meant to. He had just wanted to go outside because the weather had taken a turn and the snow had melted. He could smell in the air that it was going to return that night and so he was desperate to get outside while he could.

Outside he had found James, his new friend whistling and setting off along a path. Remus, curious, had followed after him with his bare feet slapping on the mud. Eventually James had stopped and cocked his head.

“Remus?” he asked to the air. Remus had stuck a hand out of the cloak and waved. James' face had lit up then and Remus had smiled back just as brightly, though James couldn’t see.

“Oh perfect! Come on, I’m going down to the Quidditch pitch to watch the Gryffindor team practice. I bet you haven’t seen that yet!”

Remus certainly had not. He had no idea what a Quidditch was. James had started walking again and Remus fell in beside the bubbly warm boy.

“Quidditch is the most brilliant thing in the world.” James had gushed, his hands already starting to dance through the air. Remus had figured out quickly that Sirius had learned how to talk with his hands through James Potter. “So all the players are flying on brooms. Right. You wouldn’t know about that. Wizards can fly. On brooms. It's brilliant. You can go so amazingly fast. Whizzing through the air and all that! I can do a loop on my broom and it's just the best. As long as I don’t do it in front of mum. Dad doesn’t mind so much though. I can also fly through the rings and do tricks. Right, the rings. So they are these goalposts and-”

James continued the entire way to the field like that. A chaotic ramble of words that Remus didn’t understand a single bit of. He didn’t mind though. James’ enthusiasm was infectious and wonderful and Remus sort of just wanted to hug him for including him. James didn’t even pause when they passed other students and Remus wanted to giggle at the students' bewildered faces as Potter seemed to be talking to himself.

Quidditch had made a bit more sense when they were actually sitting in the mostly deserted stands together. There Remus had witnessed flying for the first time. It was horrible. He had found himself gripping onto James’ forearm in terror as he watched the players zipping and diving about in their gold and burgundy outfits. They looked like the dancing birds from the Menagerie, now free and exuberant in their whizzing. Remus felt sick. James seemed to think his grip was one of excitement.

"Isn’t it just amazing, Remus?” James said, leaning forward in eagerness towards the pitch. “Next year I’m going to try out. I’m going to be a Seeker. Like that girl there. See her? Her job is to catch the snitch. It's this lovely gold ball that is the fastest. I want to be the fastest one out there, and so I have to be the Seeker. I’ve been practicing so much and this summer I’m going to practice even more. Sirius is going to join too. He’ll be a beater.”

Remus made a strangled noise that James once again interpreted as delight.

"You should learn to fly with us this summer!” James said “I have a spare broom! I’ll teach you!”

Remus was quite fine with never ever ever learning to fly. He liked his feet firmly planted on the ground, thank you very much. However when he turned to look at James he saw that incorrigible smile on his face and Remus groaned inwardly knowing that his excitable new friend was most certainly going to get him on a broom eventually.

James had talked the entire practice even though Remus couldn’t really answer back. Remus thought that perhaps James would have talked even if Remus wasn’t there. It was a bit endearing and a bit annoying all at once. 

After Quidditch, Remus had followed James through the halls, slipping into classrooms with him and observing his friend. James was smart and eager to participate in classes but he was also eagerly distracted. He tended to get caught up in his own little conversations, losing points for Gryffindor because he was far too focused on trying to make friends than to listen to the teacher. In charms class the students were supposed to be making feathers float but instead Sirius had been trying to float James’ glasses off his head and James in turn was trying to float Sirius’ tie end in front of his face. Remus had sighed in exasperation, leaned over, and flicked James on the nose. James had laughed in surprise but nodded. Sirius had stuck a tongue out vaguely in Remus’ direction.

James and Sirius brought out the worst in each other, or the best, depending on how you looked at it. Remus had to admit he was rather fond of seeing a smile on Sirius’ face so he didn’t really ever want to stop their antics. Though sometimes the two boys would compound dramatically on top of each other and if nobody was there to keep them in line then they typically got a stern talking to from teachers.

Sometimes the person that kept them in line was Peter. The plump blonde boy would typically be able to tame James if they were in class together, though sometimes Peter’s presence made Sirius act out more. Peter was a strange one to Remus. It was hard to really pin this other new friend down completely. Sirius he knew and James was so insufferably open that it was easy to learn him as well. Peter was a bit more enigmatic. At first Remus had thought that Peter was just a bit of a tagalong and rather boring, but he had slowly begun to notice more and more about him.

Peter, he quickly found out, was popular. Not in the same way that Sirius was popular due to gossip, or James was popular due to making it his mission to befriend the entire school. Peter was popular because...Well, Remus didn’t know at first. People seemed to just like Peter, and to trust him. When Remus followed Peter about in the invisibility cloak he mostly seemed unassuming, however it was Peter that people stopped to chat to in the hallways and Peter that people sat with in the library. Remus then made it his mission to properly follow the friend he had been overlooking and to see why people gravitated to Peter so much.

Remus had carefully ducked into the library with Peter one afternoon and settled on a window seat to observe the quiet friend of the trio. Peter had sat down and opened up his homework and quickly settled in to focus. Moments later he was joined by several girls, one of which was Lily and two others that Remus had not known at the time. One was short and blonde with big soft brown eyes and the longest lashes Remus had ever seen; wearing the green tie of Slytherin House. The other was a bit taller with deep brown skin and a wide bright smile. Her hair was curled about her face in a poofy bob tied half back with a big bow. Somehow she had dark lines about her eyes and Remus, having no idea what makeup was, wondered how she got them like that.

Peter had looked up and smiled at the girls as they all opened up their books to study as well. Remus had leaned forward to listen but they didn’t strike up a conversation. They worked in easy silence together, their quills scratching away on their parchment. Eventually one of the girls, the one with blonde perfect curls, spoke up.

“Did you guys hear about the rumor going around?” She had whispered excitedly. “They say that Dumbledore and McGonagall are snogging!”

Lily snorted and rolled her eyes. “They are not, Marlene. They’re friends.”

“Besides” Peter said casually “I think McGonagall is more into Madam Pomfrey.”

The blond girl, Marlene, gasped dramatically at this and swiveled her head over to the girl next to her. “Did you hear about this, Mary?”

Mary gave an easy shrug “No, but I believe Pettigrew over you McKinnon. He always has way better sources.”

Marlene effected a dramatic gasp and Remus smiled as the whole act reminded him of Sirius. Remus turned his focus back to Peter and watched his friend shifting uncomfortably. “I don’t have sources.” He said awkwardly. “I just listen to some things sometimes.”

Mary laughed loudly and shook her head. “Oh no! You can’t get out of it that easily! Our little hatstall, you! Our cunning and conniving Gryffindor snake!” She reached out a hand and easily ruffled up Peter’s hair.

Peter looked unsure of himself for half a beat before smiling and playing into the role that his friends had bestowed upon him. “Okay yeah alright. I’m pretty good at listening.”


That was how Remus had found out that Peter Pettigrew was a bit of a Chameleon Ghoul. There had been one of those in the Menagerie ages ago. It hadn’t lasted long because the ghoul liked to disguise itself as random objects. After the Ghoul had rather permanently decided to be a boring black umbrella The Owner had gotten rid of the creature.

Peter was like that. He could form himself into really any situation. When Mary and Marlene wanted to talk rumors he would oblige. When James wanted to rant on and on about Quidditch, then he would do that too. He was a good listener and he was a good responder. More than that he didn’t seem a bit bitter that this was his role with his friends. He was never the one to dictate the conversations but he fell into them easily. He didn’t seem to mind a bit that so many people seemed to believe he lacked personality compared to James or Sirius, he accepted his role with a quiet and content serenity.

Peter was fascinating to Remus in this regard. He felt like he and the other boy were far more alike than he was with James or Sirius. Remus couldn’t ever imagine wanting to be the ostentatious center of attention like his other friends. He understood why Peter would let the friendships come to him and embrace them as they were. 

Then of course there was Sirius. Sirius who Remus was rather addicted to following. His best friend seemed to wear many hats at Hogwarts and Remus got the sense that Sirius didn’t have a clue who he was yet. Remus didn’t know who he himself was yet, so seeing Sirius learn was fun. Sirius was bounced between worlds at Hogwarts. Between the world of Black Family Obligation and the world of Good Mischief and Boyish Antics. Remus knew that Sirius desperately wanted to leave the first world behind, but doing so meant losing his family and Remus could understand his friend’s desire to hang on to that.

Everything that Sirius did was bold and fierce. Well, he should have expected that from the boy who had cried and then declared he was going to break Remus out. From the boy who had broken him out. Sirius was dramatic and rash and brave and wonderful. He wasn’t perfect though. He messed up with people plenty of times, but he was earnest whenever he sought forgiveness. He messed up with Remus constantly, but Remus could be just as bold to correct him. Remus supposed he had a soft spot for this posh boy. Sirius was still learning the world that Remus was also learning. They were coming at this learning from two different sides. Remus had been given nothing, and Sirius had been given everything. Remus felt certain that eventually they would meet in the middle and whatever they learned in between they could teach one another.

He could wait for that. That sounded lovely.

For now Remus was content in sharing a sliver of his best friend’s world, that sliver was larger than his world had been for the past eleven years. Sirius was eager to share it with him too. Not a day went by that Sirius wasn’t showing him something new and wonderful.

One of Remus’ favorite discoveries, courtesy of Sirius, was music. He’d heard music before, tumbling out of pubs in Knockturn, or a song sung distantly in his memory, but the music Sirius gave him was like nothing else. Sirius had these amazing circular black discs that he would set upon a player in the common room. Then he would do something with a wand, well Sirius called it the player’s needle, but to Remus it looked like a wand. The disc would start spinning about and then there would be sounds.

Sounds had become a bit overwhelming to Remus since coming to Hogwarts. When classes let out he sometimes had to cover his ears because the students could be so loud. Sometimes he flinched away from slamming doors or portrait whispers. Everything was louder in this world.

The sounds of the records were nothing like that. Oh, they could certainly be overwhelming, but rarely in a bad way. They would fill Remus up from top to bottom with wild jubilant emotions. He would feel like he could float away the minute the record player would burst into song. Most songs started with instrumental and Remus’ mind would float upwards, then the singer would start in and he would slam back into his body and zero in on the words.

He liked Electric Light Orchestra the best for this. Sirius was always playing Bowie, and James and Peter seemed to always want The Beatles. Remus loved the wild and chaotic nature of ELO’s album though. It sounded like nothing he had ever heard before and he lived for the nights when Sirius would pop the record on in the common room and Remus would feel his body practically vibrate with the strange unearthly noises. Muggles were absolutely magic if they could create this! 

He still had to wear the cloak in the common room. That was alright though. It meant the other boys wouldn’t see his rudimentary attempts at dancing. It was less proper dancing and more just wiggling a body that didn’t really know what movement was yet. But it felt good, and nobody could see him, and he was finally getting to be a kid for the first time. James and Sirius danced sometimes too, holding hands and spinning about in mad circles until they fell breathlessly to the carpet. Remus would bite down on a knuckle so he wouldn’t laugh at their absurd antics. Peter would never get up to join them, choosing instead to organize his chocolate frog card collection.

Despite being outside of their little circle, because he was invisible, Remus never felt left out. Eventually they would all bundle upstairs and Remus would tug off the cloak and they would sit there and talk. Remus would sit with his knees pulled to his chest and his chin resting upon them. He didn’t understand half the things the boys would talk about, but Sirius would rest his head on his shoulder and quietly explain vocabulary to Remus and then Remus could join in if he wanted to. Most days he was happy to listen.

Tonight was one of those nights, the four boys sitting around chatting about their respective days. Sirius had just talked about lunch with Bellatrix, piling his slightly longer hair on his head and giving a grand impression of his weirdest cousin that had the other boys laughing.

“Oh.” James perked up after a pause in conversation. “I nearly forgot to show Remus the post today.”

“James.” Sirius said sharply, sitting up. Remus could smell the fear on him and he looked between his two friends carefully.

James pulled out a newspaper. “He needs to know, Sirius.” James said stubbornly before passing the paper over to Remus.

Remus stared down at the front of the paper and saw his cage. He shuddered at the familiar object and his eyes traveled up to the dramatic Headline.

WEREWOLF LOOSE IN LONDON

Remus let his eyes drift to the article but he struggled to make sense of it. He sat there reading it for a long time as his friends just watched him. Eventually he put the paper down and looked up at them all. 

“They’re hunting me?” He asked quietly. Sirius looked away then and Remus could smell the fear again.

“They won’t look here, Remus.” James said quickly. “And anyways the article says they are looking for a band of Marauders that assisted with the escape as well as the, uh, well you. They won’t find that. We’re just a bunch of students. Not Marauders.”

Sirius and Peter were busy sharing a look behind James that Remus didn’t understand. Remus looked down at the paper again and shrugged.

“I knew they would be mad about it.” He said simply before folding up the paper. “I’m not scared of them anymore.”

James beamed at him and nodded “Besides, we won’t let anything happen to our Moony!”

Remus felt something wonderful tug in his chest at that and he just found himself giving a tiny nod. He didn’t really know what to say, but he felt safe and protected. If these boys were capable of getting him out then surely he would be protected with them in the walls of Hogwarts. He had been safely here for a week, after all.

“James.” Peter started. He and Sirius were sitting close now and both boys had mischievous grins on their faces.

“James, what do you think about marauders?” Sirius said in an excited rush. Peter looked a bit annoyed that Sirius had cut him off but conceded.

“Marauders?” James looked between them, seemingly just as confused as Remus was. Then his eyes lit up and his head started to bob. “Marauders! That's way cooler than Miscreants! Plus we already have made the news with our mischief!” 

Sirius stood with a loud whoop, kicking his legs out in a silly manner. “We are The Marauders, lads! Fearless conquerors of pranks and boring adult confinements! Destroyers of cages! Rescuers of all werewolf kind! Pranksters Immaculate!”

Remus covered his mouth and let out a loud snort. Sirius turned his attention to Remus and pointed a finger at him dramatically. “Ah! Our king has made a decree!” He said, leaning forward and dragging Remus up to his feet.

Remus stumbled slightly, leaning into him. “King?” He questioned, thinking about the Christmas Cracker crowns.

James seemed to catch on and leapt up as well, sweeping into a dramatically low bow. “Yes indeed. King Moony. For without you, what would we be but lawless shameless miscreants? But low! With you we are crowned in dramatic glory, immortalized in the pages of fine wizard press! We are but your humble abiding servants, my liege.”

Remus was laughing properly now, a big loud guffawing thing. “I don’t understand half the words coming from your mouth.” He said between snorting giggles. 

Sirius slung an arm around his shoulders and ruffled up his hair. “King Moony, with your assistance we have probably pulled off the grandest prank of our career. We stole a werewolf.”

“Freed.” Remus corrected gently.

Sirius bowed his head, acknowledging his mistake. They didn’t own Remus. “Freed a werewolf. Bamboozled the press. Shocked the wizarding world. You have bestowed upon us the grand title of Marauders.”

James was busy tapping his lips. “Grandest prank of our career?” He mused out loud. Peter groaned from where he was still flopped on the floor. 

“I think that's selling ourselves short, Mr. Black.” James continued with a slow grin creeping onto his face. “After all, it's only our first year.”

Sirius let out a whoop so loud in Remus’ ear that he clapped his hands over them. He found himself making eye contact with Peter and he commiserated with the other boy for half a heartbeat while James and Sirius were eagerly beginning to plan their next grand escapade. Right, only their first year. There was so much ahead. Hopefully many more nights just like this one.

“The Marauders.” Remus murmured after a moment, looking between his three new friends.

Sirius grinned and bumped into him gently. “Yeah Moony.”

Remus grinned down at his feet as that warm tugging feeling in his chest only grew. For the first time he belonged somewhere. Here in this dorm room with these wonderful posh pureblood boys who, despite their upbringing, only saw him as just another friend. One of the lads. A Marauder, just like them. Not just a werewolf but a boy and now, most importantly, a friend.

Chapter Text

Remus was once again wandering the halls of Hogwarts. His friends were always busy these days, as January entrenched them fully in their classes. He still tried to follow them if he could, but he found himself getting more and more antsy in the classrooms. The first week had been terribly exciting but now as they slipped through the second and into the third week he found his new life just felt overwhelming more and more. The naïve excitement was wearing off and he was trying to adjust to his new reality.

Hogwarts was loud and smelly and the charm of all the new experiences was starting to wear off. Remus had mentioned the smells to Sirius before but his friend had just shrugged. Remus’ heightened werewolf senses seemed to be damning him slightly here. Because he could smell all the students when they tracked mud inside after flying lessons, and he could smell the acrid air wafting from the dungeons and the potions classroom, and he could smell the age and decay that came from having a massive castle that was thousands of years old. His nose seemed like it was always picking up new smells and always a bit tickly. He wanted to sneeze constantly but he couldn’t do so lest he alert others to his presence. Once he had accidentally sneezed and now there was a rumor going around about the Sneezing Suit-of-Armor on the fourth floor. It was a shame, because that had been one of Remus’ favorite hide away nooks.

His hide away nooks had become near and dear to him as he had learned that sometimes the sensations of the castle became too much. When that happened he needed to fold himself away for a little while. Strangely enough he sought this comfort out in small confined spaces about the castle. He had thought he would never want to be closed up again, after the cage, however he found sometimes he needed to be able to shrink his world back down to something manageable. He liked a quiet dark place with an easy way out the best. The only time his hideaways were bad were when students accidentally blocked his entrance. Then he would feel the familiar dread of being caged in. He found places far away from the foot traffic of the castle, little werewolf nests behind bookshelves or statues, up on window sills, and even behind a wall tapestry on the seventh floor which was his favorite one.

He’d found this tapestry nook after heaving his body up the seven flights of stairs. He knew he was pushing his body far beyond what he should, but he was determined to make up for all those years in the cage. Most mornings he woke up with his legs trembling and aching, but he still made himself climb the stairs. The aches weren’t nearly as bad as a Full Moon.

Gryffindor Tower was also on the seventh floor so his new routine became following his friends down to breakfast, waiting outside for Sirius to return with food, stuffing his face, and then beginning the haul back up all of the stairs. His reward each day, after the seven storey climb, would be to move aside the Unicorn Tapestry and slip into the nook behind it. There he had a blanket and pillow and several books stolen from the Hogwarts library. He would practice his reading as his legs would shake with rage at him and his stubbornness.

Honestly he would be quite content to stay in that most favorite of nooks for hours, but the seventh floor did get spooky sometimes. Besides the common room towers and the classrooms there seemed to be much about this floor that was quiet and off the beaten path. He figured that unless students were in Ravenclaw or Gryffindor they wouldn’t come up here much, and even those students seemed keen to delve straight to their common rooms after the massive climb.

It meant that the hall that Remus spent the most time in was quiet and wonderfully devoid of most smells. It meant he could focus on reading which was a high priority in his mind. He had found out that Tales of Beedle the Bard had been a children’s book. He was a child, of course, but it was still at a lower reading level than what his friends were reading. Sirius hadn’t told him that. So he started to try and read harder things. He spent hours pouring over page after page, silently mouthing the words out loud and trying to understand them. Some words he didn’t know but he could vaguely figure out the meaning from words around them, other times he had no clue.

Despite all this he loved reading. It felt familiar in a strange sort of way. When he was reading he almost felt two warm arms wrapping around his middle, holding him back against an equally warm chest. He felt like someone, the voice, was whispering in his ear and encouraging him to sound the words out.

“Slowly Remus. Don’t get over eager, my love. Sound it out slowly. There we are.”

So Remus would put his finger under the word, furrow his brows, and quietly try to sound it out. He felt quite confident he was saying things right then, though he had no context. Soon he would be just as good at reading as all his friends. Maybe then he would understand what the professors were talking about in classes!

He was jealous of the students that could raise their hands and ask questions during the classes. He had so many questions. How did wands make magic work? Did you really need one? How did transfiguration actually work? Could you transfigure a werewolf back to a human on a full moon? What were the Dark Arts? Did defending against them include Protego? He’d tried asking Sirius to ask some of his questions but his friend had evaded him. Remus got the feeling that these questions were all naïve and silly, known answers by everyone around him, and he was once again reminded he wouldn’t ever fit in here.

But that was okay. He was making his own world. Becoming his own home. There was nothing wrong with that. He was weaving these strange bits of string he had been given into a tapestry that made sense to him. Within that tapestry were the other Marauders and his own eagerness to push past his own boundaries. To learn. To grow. To become.

Right now he was curled up in his hideaway behind the Unicorn tapestry, flopped onto his side, reading through a charms book that he had borrowed from Sirius. He knew Sirius had charms class today but his friend seemed uninterested and evasive about the subject. Remus however was drawn to it. There were so many spells and he wanted to learn them all. He didn’t have a wand though and that was yet another reason he didn’t fit in here.

He’d tried to make magic happen again but he couldn’t. He tried to use his pointer finger as a wand, staring hard at a bit of string and going through the motions and incantations to make it float. He’d seen James and Sirius doing this one a bunch of times. Surely he could manage it!

''Wingardium Leviosa!” He said, trying to be clear with his pronunciation and to keep his finger steady. Nothing happened.

He tried again and again but nothing. He felt the tears pricking at his eyes and the growl rising in his throat. He couldn’t make the magic work.

Maybe Sirius had been wrong about the Protego charm, maybe that hadn’t been him at all. It seemed impossible that he could have done that when now he felt nothing. He wanted a wand so desperately so that he could practice the charms with possibly some chance of making them work. His frustration felt hot and horrible in his chest, rising up his throat. He scrubbed angrily at his eyes, making the tears go away.

He slammed the charms book shut and threw it against the far wall of his little nook, which wasn’t far at all. He crossed his arms and scowled at the offending book. He didn’t need magic anyways. He was a werewolf. He could do things that the other students here couldn’t. He sulked in anger for a few moments before swishing the tapestry aside and clambering from his nook. His bare feet landed on the familiar pale cobblestone of the corridor he was in. He’d grown used to the big empty hallway and knew it well. It was called the Hall of Hexes and perhaps the scary name is what kept students away. Or perhaps because it really didn’t lead to anywhere of importance at all. Remus liked it though. It was grand and had big tall ceilings and it was all his. The suits of Armor lining the hall were a bit strange, sometimes, and he got the feeling he shouldn’t touch them. They smelled extra metallic, somehow, and he thought perhaps they gave the hall its name. Something about them was just different from the other Armor and statues in the school and they all had ropes around them to make students stay back.

Hogwarts was funny like that, they had dangerous things about and just seemed to vaguely hope that students wouldn’t cross the line. Like the restricted section or the forest that Remus had already heard plenty of whispers about.

Remus’ eyes swept over the still armor and towards the end of the hallway. He blinked in confusion at the door there. There was never a door there. He knew there was not because he remembered thinking it was funny for Hogwarts to have a big blank wall when every other inch of the castle was covered in paintings and tapestries. Now there was a door though.

Remus walked slowly down the hallway towards the plain wooden door, cocking his head from side to side and trying to figure it out. He stopped in front of it and stared. It didn’t smell any different than a normal door. It smelled like wood and iron. He settled his hands against it, almost expecting some strange magic to occur, but nothing happened. He moved to grip the old worn iron handle of it and pulled on the ring. The door opened silently and he peered inside.

Inside was a massive room, one of the biggest he had found so far, and it was brimming with things. Remus gasped and stepped inside, shutting the door behind him. This hadn’t been here! He would have noticed a room like this! The room seemed to sense his entering because a few torches lit up around him and Remus could more properly see the piles of junk around him. There were massive teetering towers of books, piles of misshapen and broken furniture, urns stuffed to bursting with brooms, shelves full of old potions and cracked jars, and endless rows and rows of other oddities. There were massive skeletons hanging from the ceiling as well as a few unidentified objects lazily flying through the air. The entire place reeked of magic, dust, and a myriad of different smells.

Remus wandered deeper and more lights sprung up with his presence, candles on top of shelves and a glowing orb on an ornate stand. Sometimes he would peer down dark narrow hallways of junk and it would remain dark and he would know that he was not meant to go that way. Some sort of strange instinct was pulling him along and he wove through the massive piles of junk with ease. He knew the direction to go and the lights assisted him. Every so often he had to stop and take in some completely bizarre object though. Like the massive stuffed troll that reached high above his head and had him gawking with an open mouth. Or the cage stuffed full of flying keys that zipped around making funny chittering noises.

But the pull ultimately kept him moving onwards until he found himself in front of a worn out red armchair with some sticks poking out of the arms of it. The armchair itself was missing two legs, tipped precariously, and leaking its stuffing out. It almost looked like it had once belonged in the Gryffindor common room if the gold tassels on the underside were anything to go by. As he stepped closer he noticed that the sticks that were stabbed into the arms were not sticks at all, but rather wands.

Remus stepped forward and more candles in the alcove lit themselves. He tentatively reached towards the wands. There were a lot stuck into the chair, some broken, others taped together, some looked perfectly fine and he wondered why they were here. There were dark woods and light woods, some with ornamentation and some that were very plain. His fingers danced over them as if they were sacred objects. He felt like he was supposed to be here right now. His fingers settled on one wand finally. It was a medium brown in color, quite long, and it had a polished burl on the end of it. His fingers touched this burl gently and he knew that this was his wand. 

Gently, reverently, he tugged the wand out of the stuffing of the chair and held it firmly in his hand. It fit perfectly, the polished knob resting against the inside of his wrist and providing a strangely soothing pressure there. The wand narrowed down into a point and it had a bit of give to the whole thing. There was no unnecessary ornamentation, just a small twist to the wood before the burl. It looked as if it had been plucked from a tree and polished up just like that. It was a wild wand, connected with nature and with magic. A bridge for two very different worlds.

And it was his.

He knew it with a certain surety. He knew it more than most everything else he knew. The wand had called to him and now they were united. He remembered picking up Sirius’ wand and how bad it felt, and how he knew his friend’s wand wasn’t right for him. His eyes widened and he looked at the many wands stuck into the Gryffindor chair. Surely there was a wand here that would choose Sirius too!

With this thought in mind he tucked his new perfect wand into his robe pocket and ran back out the way he had come, letting the door swing shut behind him. Such excitement fueled him forward that he didn’t even notice the door sinking away into the stone work behind him as he ran back down the Hall of Hexes. He dashed to the Gryffindor common room, irritated that he had to wait for a student to come along and speak the password before he could slip in behind them. Once he did though he rocketed upstairs to the dorm. He knew that classes would have finished and sure enough he found Sirius just taking off his tie and robes in the dorm. He tugged off the robe and ignored the way Sirius jumped.

“Sirius!” He said in excitement. “You have to come with me right now!”

“Moony?” His friend looked shocked to see him like this and Remus knew he spent most of his days quietly. There was no time for that now and he grabbed onto Sirius’ hand.

“I found the most amazing room, Sirius. You need to come see it.” He said, and then he was dragging Sirius from the dorm room.

He didn’t even think of the cloak and he yanked Sirius out of the dorm fully visible to all as he rushed down the stairs. If anyone noticed they didn’t remark though. Remus tugged his friend along back through the seventh floor to his reading nook and then down the long Hall of Hexes. When they got there, however, the door was gone.

“It was right here.” Remus said in confusion, slapping his hands against the stone wall.

“What was here, Moony?”

“The room! There was a room!” Remus pressed his nose to the wall, sniffing, but he couldn’t even smell the wood or the iron of the door. He let out a little growl in irritation. “There was a door here and when I opened it there was a big huge room full of stuff. It was massive!”

“But the castle ends after this wall. It's just open air there, Remus.” Sirius said curiously, reaching out a hand to touch the wall. “Maybe you have the wrong hallway?”

Remus shook his head and pressed against the wall. “I know it doesn’t make sense, Sirius, but I know it was here. And look, I got this.”

He reached into his robe pocket and pulled out the wand. He stared down at the wood, which looked a touch more golden when the light hit it properly. “The wand chose me. I could hear it almost. I wanted you to come here because there were so many other wands. I thought one would fit you better.”

“Fit me better?” Sirius said, and Remus could feel the standoffish tone that his best friend had taken. Remus looked up at him earnestly and nodded.

“Sirius, your wand isn’t any good for you. That's why you hate Charms class so much, right? Because it doesn’t do the magic right. It fights against you. I’ve seen it!”

Sirius pushed out his lip in a slight pout. “We’ve been over this before, Moony. My wand is fine. It's more challenging because I need more challenges. If I had a normal wand everything would be just way too easy.”

There was that stubborn aristocratic chin lift again. Remus rolled his eyes and crossed his arms.

“Besides.” Sirius continued onwards blithely. “I doubt that wand actually chose you, Remus. It's a wand from a store cupboard. It belonged to some other witch or wizard. Not you. You’re not a student here.”

Those words cut deep and Remus felt the sting of them deep in his chest. Why didn’t Sirius believe him? Why did Sirius always have to strike so cruel and hard? They were supposed to be best friends! But sometimes Sirius could be absolutely insufferable. Remus growled and pointed his new wand at his friend and flicked it, reciting the floating incantation again. This time it worked, yanking Sirius’ hair upwards in a whoosh and eliciting a yelp of shock from his friend.

Sirius’ hair now looked like James’ did whenever the boy would wake up, a wild and untamed mess. Remus grinned in triumph as Sirius madly tried to settle the absolute mess of hair.

“My wand.” Remus said proudly, gripping it tighter. “Chose me.”

Sirius looked at him in surprise and Remus could see he was a bit at war with it all. Eventually though his smile broke through and Remus felt a rush of relief.

“Really Moony, that's brilliant.” Sirius finally said, putting their latest bickering spat to rest.

Remus looked towards the blank wall one last time. He supposed if there was a wand in there for Sirius the door would have appeared again, but it didn’t. He regretted leaving so quickly now. He should have stuffed his arms full of books to take with him down the hall to his reading nook. Maybe it would come back. His tapestry was across from this wall so he would need to keep a weather eye out to see. There were so many treasures in there.

“We should get back to the dorm room, Moony.” Sirius said after a few quiet moments spent staring at the blank wall. “Before everyone comes back into the common room and you’re visible and all that.”

Remus just nodded, following after his friend with slightly slumped shoulders. He wanted Sirius to know how good it felt to have a wand choose you. Remus had his wand in hand even now, rubbing his thumb along its polished surface and marveling at how right it all felt. Sirius deserved something like that too.

He followed his friend in through the portrait hole and quickly up the stairs of the boy’s dorm room. Luckily they didn’t run into anyone and Remus' foolish act had turned out just fine for them both. Inside the dorm he shucked off his outer robe and sat on the ground with his legs stretched out, holding his wand up before his eyes and admiring all the twists in the wood grain. He added it to his mental list of ‘owned things’ and it was right up at the top of that list, even pushing the bed down to second place.

“Teach me the light spell?” Remus asked Sirius as he watched his friend working off his button down shirt in order to pull on his muggle Bowie shirt. 

Sirius's dark hair popped out of the neck hole and was already grinned. “Yeah sure, Moony. Let me just get my wand.”

Remus shifted slightly from where he sat so that there was more room when Sirius joined him. His friend held his own wand firmly and pushed some of his ever-growing hair back behind his ear.

“Okay so the incantation is Lumos. And you want to move your wand in a firm sort of jog, like this, letting the end of it flick slightly. You say the Lumos with quick careful authority.”

Remus nodded along. He remembered reading some of that in the Charms book but having a visual demonstration was even better.

“And don’t get annoyed if the light flickers a bit or something like that. It happens sometimes at first.” Sirius continued before casting the spell himself. Sirius’ light held steady on the tip of his wand before pulsing slightly, wavering, and then going out.

Remus nodded before trying out the wand movement several times without the incantation. The burl rubbed against the inside of his wrist as he prepared to cast was soothing and warm and he felt like his wand was physically supporting him.

“Lumos”

Remus wand tip glowed and he gasped in delight, leaning forward over it in stunned amazement. He had done it! He’d managed two proper spells since getting his wand. His light was fairly bright and it held steady for a few moments though when he wiggled his wand he felt something disconnect and the light flickered and died out. When he looked up at Sirius he saw his friend smiling at him fondly.

“You’re brilliant, Moony.”

Remus felt a light settle in his chest, warmer and brighter than any Lumos charm. He had almost expected Sirius to be snappish or irritated that a werewolf had done the charm successfully, but his friend was always surprising him. He had lent him support when it mattered and Remus knew Sirius was still clambering madly over the walls and walls of detritus his parents had raised him on. He was climbing those walls for Remus and he was getting faster at it. Having Sirius acknowledge his success, and to not be bitter or jealous of it, was wonderful. The light inside him felt so amazing and it made him almost want to wiggle with delight. He wasn’t used to feeling this absolute radiating happiness.

Happily he jogged his wand again, recited the incantation, and this time the Lumos was even brighter.

Chapter Text

“What are we going to do about the Full Moon?” James piped up on a cold Saturday afternoon. The boys were all lying about in their pajamas still, each tucked into their own beds. Nobody had felt like doing much today.

Sirius hated that James had ruined the bliss of admiring Bowie’s cool façade on the front of his Hunky Dory album to ask that horrible question. He wanted to throw a pillow over at his friend. Instead he glanced over to Remus. Remus was sitting with his feet up on the headboard and his back on the mattress, holding a book above his head. It didn’t seem comfy, but Remus never seemed to sit normally. Remus lowered the book and looked over in James’ direction.

“The moon.” Remus’ voice was quiet.

James didn’t seem to get the hint, the touch of awkward atmosphere that now hung in the air. “Yeah I mean we can hardly have you turn in the dorm room, right? You’d eat us up or something. But I’m not sure what to do.”

Sirius sat up, shooting a glare in James’ direction. “We’ll think of something. We’ll make sure Moony is safe for it.”

“James is right.” Remus interjected, though he shot Sirius a grateful look. “The moon is coming and we should have a plan. If we can’t think of anything I’ll need to turn myself in.”

“What?” Sirius rolled up onto his feet as the anger washed over him. “You can’t do that, Moony! Not after we got you out!”

Remus shifted, sitting up and crossing his legs. Right now Sirius hated how calm his best friend looked. As if he hadn’t just said the most absurd thing in the world! Turn himself in! Remus tilted his head and watched Sirius with those calm uncanny eyes of his.

“Sirius I won’t put you or anyone in danger. James is right. I can’t transform in the school. When I am the wolf I don’t see friends or anything like that. I just want to kill.”

Peter sucked in a sharp breath from where he had been quietly sitting and working on his homework. Sirius looked at him darkly look but he really couldn’t fault the other boy. He just didn’t know what to do with all this pent up frustration. But he remembered the night he had seen Moony transform and how his friend had tried to bite his hand. Remus was right that the wolf didn’t see them as anything but food. His shoulders sagged.

“Okay so you can’t transform in the school, I get that, but why do you have to tell on yourself? They’ll take you away, Moony. We can’t trust anyone but us Marauders with this.”

Remus swallowed and looked down at the covers of his bed. Sirius watched his friend’s hand reach out and stroke over the burgundy covers slowly. He thought maybe Remus was trying to remember what they felt like, just in case. Sirius knew what that was like, he had done it with his records before Christmas break, convinced that they would be gone when he returned. Moony was even more important than records though. Sirius stared at his friend and his long curls and scarred face. He didn’t want this to be the last week he saw that face. They’d had an amazing month together. It couldn’t end like this. Remus couldn’t be dragged back to London and the hunters.

“If it comes down to it...If we get to the day of the moon and we don’t have a plan then I’m going to go to a teacher and tell them what I am.” Remus said firmly. “I refuse to hurt anyone, Sirius. I refuse to kill. I refuse to turn anyone else into a werewolf. That's my choice and you are going to have to deal with it.”

Remus lifted his head then and Sirius felt the force of his glare. He was just as stubborn as Remus was though and he lifted his chin.

“I won’t let you.” He snapped back.

Remus let out a frustrated growl and rolled off his bed, he stalked to the back of the room and slammed the door of the bathroom behind him. Sirius knew this meant his friend wouldn’t be out for at least an hour. Remus took the most ridiculously long showers.

Sirius sagged against the post of his bed and looked over at James. “He just can’t turn himself in.”

James looked over to the bathroom door in sympathy. “So we need to think of something. Some way that Moony can transform, be safe, and stay with us.”

“We can’t fail. We’re Marauders.” Peter piped up. “We just need to put our heads together.”

Sirius looked between the two of them and nodded. “Okay. Yeah...yeah we just think of something and then Moony will be safe.”

*  *  *

Remus tilted his head back as the hot water sprayed against his face. He loved the shower. It wasn’t quite as good as a bath but it got hot and it felt amazing. He could stay in here for hours; if he didn’t share the bathroom with three other boys that eventually got impatient with him. Sirius was the only one who would just barge in and use the restroom even if Remus was showering, James and Peter still seemed too shy which was fine by Remus. He didn’t exactly want them to see all his scars the way Sirius had.

Remus had been thinking about the moon for a while now. It was always in the back of his mind. He knew that Sirius had pushed it off to the last minute, the moon was a few days away, but Remus had known it was coming. He felt it even now, tickling under his skin and playing with his emotions. Maybe that was why he had picked a little fight with Sirius even though he didn’t fault his best friend for not wanting to admit they were in over their heads.

Remus was a werewolf and even as a juvenile he could easily kill all of his friends and many others in the school. He didn’t know what to do about that. He’d only ever transformed in his cage. Over the last few days he had been looking for places in Hogwarts that seemed secure enough but he was scared to even consider doing it inside the school. What if he picked a room that wasn’t actually strong enough? What if he broke down the door and got out? What if he woke up with blood on his hands and dead people all around him? He shuddered even in the hot water pouring over him. He couldn’t risk that.

He had considered the room that had vanished, the room that gave him his wand. Maybe if he got that room to reappear and then asked it to vanish the door? He would be in a cube of stone. There was a lot of stuff in that room, but that was alright. It clearly wasn’t used so nobody would care if a werewolf broke some of it. The problem with that was that it was unreliable. He had gone back to the blank wall many times but the door hadn’t ever come back. He had begged, explained what he was, and the wall had remained stone. He thought perhaps his desperation in wanting a wand had brought the door the first time, and he would certainly be desperate on the day of the moon, but again it was too much left up to chance.

All he could really think of was putting his fate in the hands of the adults. He had seen several professors here at Hogwarts and they all seemed intelligent and capable. He’d heard the rumors about Dumbledore too, that the Headmaster was a powerful wizard. If Remus went to him and explained things then surely Dumbledore would know how to contain a werewolf. Or, if he didn’t, he would know how to kill one.

Remus didn’t want to leave and he certainly didn’t want to die, but he’d choose either of those options over harming any one of his new friends. This month had been the best month of his life so far and he was so happy he had gotten to live it. If it ended in a few days that would be heartbreaking but fine. Fine. More than he already deserved because of what he was.

That thought quieted him. He hadn’t ever hated himself before. He liked being Remus. Quite a lot. Even though it was hard and sometimes scary. He had hated his lot in life, wanted to die, but he had never ever hated himself. Hogwarts had been amazing so far, but it also showed him everything he was missing out on and how very different he was. When it was just him and just the cage he had chosen to side with himself and hate the outsiders.

He angrily scrubbed shampoo into his hair to banish those thoughts. He couldn’t afford to hate Remus! No! He had told himself he was going to be strong enough to protect himself and to protect the wolf! He had managed to get out of the cage and to get all the way here. He couldn’t give up now. He had to keep fighting. It wasn’t just his life on the line, but the wolf as well, and he refused to believe the wolf was as monstrous as everyone else was. He was the wolf, and he was just a boy.

He shut off the water and watched the soap swirl down the drain. He felt a new determination back behind his teeth and a fire in his blood. He wouldn’t go quietly. If Sirius came to him with a plan then he was going to follow it and believe in it. They would get through this too.

*  *  *

Sirius and the other Marauders spent the next few days studying as if they were already taking their NEWTS. When the boys were not in classes they were in the dorm room or in the library. Everyone seemed to be surprised that they were so invested, and McGonagall had expressed her pleasure with their eagerness to learn. None of what they were doing was classwork though. Just like Sirius had spent his days researching how to get Remus out of the cage, now he and his friends were researching how to survive a Full Moon with all four of them intact and safe.

“I can’t believe you did all this on your own before.” James groaned as he slumped forward onto an old tome about werewolves. Sirius had read some of that book before getting disgusted with the text. It talked about werewolves in such an awful light. James had taken over the reading of it, vainly hoping that within the hateful text there was something worthwhile.

“Well, it was for Moony.” Sirius said plainly, glancing over to the window nook where he thought Remus was sitting in the invisibility cloak.

James nodded in weary agreement. “Yes. For Moony. We’ll figure it out. I just never ever thought I would have to do so much studying in my life!”

Peter snorted and flicked a ball of parchment over at James. Sirius was impressed by the other boy’s aim when it hit James in the neck. “Be glad we didn’t get sorted into Ravenclaw.” He remarked.

James shot a look over at Peter and shook his head. “Those are fighting words, Pettigrew. I would never sink so low as to be a brainiac! I’m a jock.”

“What's a jock?” Came a whisper from the corner.

James turned to face Remus with a grin. “A jock is a muggle word. Means someone suave and handsome and exceptionally good at sports. And when I’m bigger it means I’ll have muscles too. Doesn’t that sound like me, Moony?”

“You forgot a bit about jocks being absolutely pigheaded and a little bit dumb sometimes.” Sirius interjected with a grin.

“Hmmmm...That sounds like both of you.” Came Remus’ calm whisper.

Peter cackled with laughter at this. James and Sirius both tried to hold back but eventually the remark had them both laughing as well. Sirius grinned over at the corner and tried to flick his hair back like he had seen Lucius Malfoy doing once. He suspected it wasn’t as cool when his hair was only slightly brushing his shoulders.

“At least it means we are the pretty ones of the Marauders. All the girls are going to like us when we grow up.”

“At least until a Bludger hits you.” Peter remarked as he shifted through the pile of books.

Sirius snorted. “I won’t get hit by a Bludger! I’m going to be the best Beater that Gryffindor has ever seen!”

“I think everyone gets hit by a Bludger at least once.” James mused as he leaned over to read what Peter was looking at. “I mean it's just part of Quidditch. The hope is that if you get hit nothing major breaks and you don’t fall off your broom.”

“Wizards are insane.” Remus whispered from the corner.

Sirius grinned and hopped over to sit on the window seat, bumping against Remus on accident. He nudged his hand into what he assumed was Remus’ side.

“Will you worry about us, Moony? When we’re playing Quidditch?”

Remus snorted and shoved Sirius back. Sirius nearly fell right over. His friend was quite strong this near to the full moon. “I won’t worry. You two are choosing to play. I’ll sit with Peter and we’ll talk about how nice it is not to be hit by Bludgers.”

Peter was distracted though and didn’t remark on Remus’ comment. James was now distracted too, both reading a book. The brief respite of laughter fell back into serious silence. Sirius moved over curiously and leaned over Peter’s other shoulder.

“Oh. Well I can do that.” He murmured as he read the potion that they were looking at. “It's not so different from the standard sleeping draught, is it?”

James glanced up and then shrugged. “Yeah but we’d have to get into Slughorn’s store cupboard for the Flobberworm Mucus.”

“You own an invisibility cloak, James.”

The other boy perked up at this and a wide smile broke out. James adjusted his glasses and then stuck a hand in his messy hair. “Oh yeah that's right. I completely forget about that sometimes.”

Invisible Remus let out a loud snort at this and James laughed. Sirius tapped his finger against the book to recall their attention to it. “If we get the ingredients I can make this potion no problem. Then we just need someplace for Moony to transform, we douse the potion on some meat or something, and boom. Easy moon.”

Sirius felt something against his shoulder and knew Remus had come over to peer at the book. He felt a hand clench his wrist and he looked down to see a scarred hand seemingly appearing out of thin air.

“Alright, Moony?”

“Alright.”

*  *  *

“Got it!” James yelled happily a day later as he whipped the invisibility cloak off of himself and Peter. Peter had a bag in his hands which he held up as James continued. “Easily got the Flobberworm Mucus and a bunch of other stuff from the recipe too. And also I got this gnarly looking bottle.”

“We didn’t need it.” Peter informed Remus and Sirius who were sitting on the ground by the window with the cauldron.

“What do you mean you didn’t need it?” Sirius asked.

“Not on the ingredient list.” Peter said in exasperation. “But James insisted and so now we have Knarl Quills.”

James grinned and put his hands on his hips. “Like I always say. You never know when you’ll need a Knarl!”

Peter heaved out a sigh and put his head down, shaking it from side to side. “He’s been making up catchphrases the whole time. None of them are good.”

“Oi!” James looked offended for a moment before wrapping an arm around Peter’s neck and rubbing a knuckle into his hair to muss it all up. “They’re all great, Pettigrew!”

Sirius dragged the bag over and started taking out ingredients. There was indeed a purple bottle filled with Knarl Quills that they didn’t even need. Everything else that they did need was there though and Sirius leaned over to crack the window slightly before he got to work. They figured making the potion in the safety of their room was fine, even if their dorm smelled a bit funny in the next few days.

“You shouldn’t have taken more than you needed.” Remus said, looking at James and Peter. “This is why you get caught with your pranks. You don’t plan it out. You don’t think.”

Peter nodded in agreement with Remus, looking pointedly over at James who was just grinning affably and shrugging. “We didn’t get caught.”

“Not yet.” Remus said, resting his chin on the knee pulled to his chest. “But I bet your professor will notice things missing.”

Sirius looked up at that and nodded. “He will. That's fine. I’ll tell him it was me.”

Sirius felt the three sets of eyes land on him and he smirked slightly. “I already know that I’ll take the fall for it. Slughorn thinks I’m horrible at potions and he’s constantly going on and on about my mother and how brilliant she is at them. I’ll just tell him I was trying to practice.”

“You’ll get detention for like a whole month, Sirius!” James exclaimed.

“Yeah. That's okay. Less time with my cousins.”

Sirius’ life at Hogwarts was remarkably better with Remus here and the Marauders firmly established as a group, but that didn’t erase the obligations his father had put upon him. One of those obligations he had been quietly fulfilling even though he hated it. He spent his time with his cousins whenever they sought him out. This meant many mealtimes he was dragged away from his friends, or his hanging out was interrupted by Narcissa calling him over to study in the library.

Bellatrix had gotten more and more wild as the days passed. She kept on talking about these things happening that Sirius didn’t care about. He was a kid. He didn’t want to hear about how the purebloods were wising up and preparing to take matters into their own hands. Whatever that meant. He also didn’t care about how Squibs and Muggles should be put in their place by whatever means necessary. It was all dark and horrible and Sirius had no interest on dwelling on it. When she spoke he tried not to listen. 

Andromeda was still a bit of solace for him, but it was hard when her sisters couldn’t know they were a team. Andy was always quiet during those study sessions and meal times, only pulling him aside when it was done to check on him. He reminded himself again and again that she needed to protect herself too. Still he felt like he was adrift during his times with his cousins, not like he was part of Alphard’s supposed ‘flock’ at all.

“Less time with your cousins.” James agreed. 

Sirius glanced up to see his friend looking terribly serious and he gave him a grateful smile. James knew more about his family than Remus did. He hadn’t told his best friend everything. Remus had enough on his plate. James was different though. James had that talking policy of his and they didn’t bicker like he and Remus did. James was like Regulus. Brothers, in a way. 

“Yeah so. Detention will be good.” Sirius said easily. “And this potion will be good too. I won’t have issues with it. Honestly Slughorn would never believe me if he knew I could do this thing.”

James laughed and sat down beside the cauldron. “Well if you would stop blowing up your cauldron every single class we might have a Gryffindor potion whiz! Can you imagine how pissed off Severus Snape would be?”

Sirius snickered. “As much as I want to upset that slimy little snake, it's a better prank to go against my mother. She also wants a potions whiz.”

“Dangerous.” Remus whispered quietly. Sirius looked up to find his friend watching him with concerned brown eyes. Sirius just grinned and shot him a carefree little wink.

“Dangerous? Nah, Moony. I’m fine.”

Remus made a quiet contemplative humming noise, but he didn’t say anything. He didn’t mention the stinging hex or the protego. He just watched Sirius. Sirius felt his appraising eyes on him for the rest of the evening as he made the potion and got ready for bed. The potion bubbled near the window and Sirius would have to get up every three hours to stir it in a specific pattern. For now he crawled into his bed and closed his eyes. He tried to pretend the thoughts about his mother didn’t bother him, but the box of letters from her under his bed screamed otherwise at him. He spent the night tossing and turning with his mother’s stern words and Bellatrix’s stare whirling about in his head.

*  *  *

The day of the Full Moon fell upon them like a predator, far too quick and leaving the boys wildly unprepared. Remus felt it the worst, of course, waking to feel the pain in his bones and the restlessness of the wolf ready to pounce. Still he knew the others felt it too. He noticed the way Peter kept throwing him nervous twitchy glances as if Remus was going to transform while they were brushing their teeth shoulder to shoulder. He noticed the way James tried to overcompensate with humor and laughter but that it all felt forced. He noticed it especially in the way Sirius watched him with keen grey eyes that held far too much pity for Remus’ liking. He wanted to snap at Sirius especially to just act normal.

This was normal for Remus. He did the moon every month. He dealt with the pain of it and though he wished it wouldn’t happen it was an inevitability in his life that he simply had to accept. He wished his friends would just shut up and deal with it too. He was being unfair though, he knew that this wasn’t normal for them. Not yet. In a way it was their first Full Moon, even Sirius who had seen one before. When he thought of it like that he wasn’t quite so snappish with them.

And, in a way, this was his first Full Moon again too. His first one at Hogwarts. His first one not in the cage. The knowledge that they still didn’t have a solid plan was enough to set him more on edge than ever before and he dressed himself with the intention of marching around the school until Albus Dumbledore showed his face.

Sirius must have known that because he stuck close to Remus’ side like an annoying burr as they got ready that morning. He followed Remus around the dorm room as he dressed and when Remus reached for the invisibility cloak, Sirius grabbed his hand.

“Don’t.” He begged, those pretty grey eyes working at their fullest right now.

Remus growled and yanked his hand back. “I have to.” He snapped. “We don’t have a plan. I won’t kill my friends.”

“We have a plan, Moony! The sleeping draught!”

“And where is this all going to happen? The dorm room? We don’t even know if the draught will work on me when I’m the wolf. We have no idea.”

“Okay yeah yeah I know all that. But I’ve got enough sleeping draught to knock out a small troll. That's got to work on you, even with your stamina and werewolf healing and stuff.”

Remus could see the earnest belief in Sirius's eyes that he could fix everything for Remus. He sighed and shook his head. “Still too many factors, Sirius.”

Remus wanted to believe his friend so badly. He wanted to be like the other boys who acted like little kids still, despite having performed a newsworthy heist weeks ago. He wanted to be happy-go-lucky and wild and free. To just be eleven for once would be such an amazing gift. He’d never really gotten to be a child though. Maybe with Sirius he had a little bit, when he had all that joy and wonder over making a friend. Now he felt like he had to be the biggest of them all again. To reign them in and be realistic. All he wanted to do was say ‘okay Sirius, take care of me’ and not worry a single second more. He couldn’t though. Sirius, as earnest and eager as he was, didn’t understand.

Sirius was still hanging onto him and now he looked determined. “I can’t let you turn yourself in to Dumbledore.” He insisted with that spoiled attitude of his. “We’ve gotten this far, Moony.”

Remus tugged his wrist from Sirius’ grasp. “Dumbledore is supposed to be a brilliant wizard, right? Maybe he can help. Maybe he can make it stop.”

He whispered that thought aloud. It had been bouncing around his head for days now. Maybe Dumbledore could make it stop. They didn’t know the magic to stop it, but everyone said Dumbledore was powerful and wise and kind. If he was all that then maybe he would help Remus and pull him together and remove the pain. 

But the wolf. Oh, the wolf. Remus couldn’t kill the wolf. He’d promised to protect the wolf. He still felt that inside him. He wanted the pain to stop but he didn’t want to destroy the only other part of him he knew. Nobody else would ever see the wolf the same way that Remus did. They saw the terror and the hatred of it. Remus saw that too, of course. How could he not hate the wolf sometimes when it ripped him apart and ruined his chances at ever fitting in? But at the same time, if Remus did not exist, then the wolf would have run wild in the woods. The wolf must feel the same terror and hatred towards him then. Keeping it caged up in a castle when it could have been in the woods. Remus felt that even now as the moon approached. He tortured the wolf just as much as it tortured him. They were linked and Remus didn’t want the wolf killed. He just wanted the pain to stop.

“Maybe he could make it stop.” Sirius said miserably. He hung his head and Remus wished he could hug him, but he thought that might rip his bones from his skin. His skin stretched so tight and hot right now.

“I have to go sit with Bella and Cissy.” Sirius continued, grabbing up several books. “Just...wait a bit longer till you find him, Moony. Please. Just give me till lunch. Please?”

Remus knew he shouldn’t but he couldn’t help but be persuaded by Sirius’ desperate look. He found himself nodding before he even planned to. “Yes. Okay. Lunchtime.”

Sirius gave him a tired and grateful smile paired with a thumbs up. “See you at lunch then.” He said before heading from the room. Remus looked around at the dorm and wondered if he would get to wake up here again tomorrow. He loved his bed and his books and his friends. He loved being in Gryffindor. Rather than going out and wandering the castle he decided that if this was his last day then he would rather spend it here. He crawled back into bed and curled up underneath his covers in a tiny painful ball. He tried not to cry, but the tears came anyway, and he pressed his face against his knees and sobbed. 

*  *  *

“Honestly I think the changes happening in the wizarding world are going to start making a distinct difference at Hogwarts.” Narcissa was saying as she carefully poured herself a tea at the Slytherin table.

Sirius was sitting with them once more, suffering through the meal. Today was worse because Severus Snape was also sitting nearby and Sirius hated the other boy. Part of him was still offended that someone like Snape could be in Slytherin and he couldn’t. He was better than he was; smarter, cooler, and with a higher social status. Even though he was starting to be okay with rebelling against his upbringing a bit it was still hard to break his abject hatred of the ‘lesser’ boy.

“One can only hope.” Andromeda chipped in. It was all she would say for the conversation, Sirius knew, a blithe little comment that made it sound like she was agreeing with her sisters though Sirius supposed it could be interpreted many ways.

Bellatrix gave a smile that toed the border of proper Black etiquette. “I for one can’t wait until all the Mudbloods are kicked from the grounds like they should be. Hogwarts will be much better then, as Salazar Slytherin intended it to be.”

Annoyingly it seemed that Snape was listening in on Bellatrix and watching her with a keen interest, or maybe that was admiration? Whatever it was, it was gross. Just like his hair, that was gross as well, Sirius thought petulantly to himself. 

“Perhaps Salazar should have founded a different school to start with.” Narcissa said with a tilt of her head. She had bleached her hair to a platinum blonde last week and Sirius thought she looked silly with eyebrows that were still pure black.

“Perhaps.” Bella sniffed. “But this is what we have to work with. Once the Mudbloods are dealt with then we can tackle the administration.”

“Trelawny.” Narcissa said with a pinched little frown.

“And that halfbreed in the woods.” Bellatrix said with disgust. “I don’t know why Dumbledore was allowed to keep such a creature about for so long.”

Sirius sat up at this. “Halfbreed in the woods?”

“Hagrid.” Andromeda informed him softly. “Half-Giant. Everyone knows he was expelled from Hogwarts. Dumbledore made him groundskeeper.”

“Oh.” Sirius murmured. He hadn’t known that. All he knew was that he’d seen the large man about and that he seemed affable and kind to students. He hadn’t known Hagrid had once been a student before, or that Dumbledore had stepped forward to protect him.

“Disgusting that a creature like that is allowed anywhere near students.” Bellatrix sneered and Sirius felt his stomach twist. What would she say about a werewolf?

“I think it's fine.” Sirius said, unable to help himself. He felt Andromeda looking over at him sharply. Her method of dealing with it would be to lay low but he just couldn’t. Not when it hit so close to his best friend. He’d been reading a lot about werewolves lately. Lots of people mistakenly called them ‘halfbreeds’ but they weren’t that. They were just infected with a disease! Demihuman perhaps was the closest term there was. 

“You think what is fine?” Bellatrix asked coldly.

“Hagrid.” Sirius said, deciding that no he was not going to sit by quietly. Here at Hogwarts he was allowed to have a voice, and he was going to use it. “And really I don’t think you should call him a halfbreed, even if he is part Giant. People use that as a bad word and its mean these days. He’s really nice to everyone and he isn’t hurting anyone. Why shouldn’t he be part of the school? Why shouldn’t the kids with muggle parents be either?”

He felt a sharp kick against his shin but he ignored Andromeda’s warning.

“They have magic just the same as us, Bella! And if they weren’t instructed in magic then maybe they could end up hurting someone and that would be awful. They need to be here at Hogwarts with us and you should just get over yourself because we’re really not any different than them!”

Sirius finished his rant and sucked in a deep breath. The Slytherins around them had gone quiet and Sirius knew that they were holding their breaths and waiting to see what Bellatrix would do. Her reputation was well known around the school. Sirius flinched from Bellatrix’s dark black gaze. She didn’t quite look like mother, too much of Druella in the shape of her face, but the eyes were the same. 

Bellatrix opened her mouth and Sirius could see her beginning to raise her wand. He was sure he was about to be hexed right now. He pulled his head down and flinched as he felt a hand land on his shoulder.

“Mr. Black.” Professor McGonagall's voice said above him and he wrenched his head up to look at her.

She looked as stern and unamused as always but he could also see a tense fondness in her eyes. She appraised Bellatrix and Narcissa. “Allow me to remove this small hothead from your presence, ladies. Apologies for his personality, however, we Gryffindors are Lions.”

Sirius could have hugged her. He knew she had just swooped in and saved him from some sort of jelly tongue hex or, god forbid, Silencio. As it was he scrambled to his feet and allowed her to escort him away. He was surprised when she didn’t take him to the Gryffindor table but instead removed him from the hall entirely. 

“Thank you, Professor.” He said

“Nonsense. Someone had to save you from yourself, Mr. Black.” McGonagall said in her clipped accented voice. “Now I have done you a favor, saving you from the coiling python, as it were. Please, in the future, pick your battles more carefully.”

“Yes Professor.” Sirius said quickly. McGonagall gave a nod before starting off down the hall. Sirius took in a breath and let it out slowly. He had survived and he had said what he properly thought. Bellatrix hadn’t killed him on the spot either which, all things considered, was rather good. More than that, he had a proper idea about where Moony could transform tonight, all inspired by the talk of Hagrid.

*  *  *

“The Forbidden Forest?” Peter said with wide eyes when Sirius came to the other Marauders with his idea. “Isn’t that a bit, well, forbidden?”

“Invisibility cloak.” Sirius shot back. “Besides where does a wolf belong? In the woods. Remus was right that he can’t transform in the castle. So we take him to the woods. We give him the sleeping draught in the meat. He falls asleep. Anything happens, he’s in the woods. And-” Sirius shrugged. “What other options do we have? It's almost the moon.”

“I like the plan!” James said with a smile. “It's a shame that we have to use the sleeping potion though. I bet Moony would love to run around in the woods. Huh, Moony?” He glanced over towards where Remus was sitting very quietly watching them all.

Remus shrugged. “I suppose yeah. I’ve never been free for a Full Moon before. But we do the potion. I’ll take some of it before I transform too. Just in case.” He swallowed and looked away. “Are there any spells to bind me? Something like chains?”

The room was silent before James spoke up. “There are, Moony. We don’t know them though. Too advanced. Besides, um, Sirius didn’t want to look into those.”

Sirius stood and moved over to Remus and sat down beside him. “Moony, it's fine. You’re going to sleep through the entire thing. No one is going to get hurt this time. Not even you. You’ll wake up tomorrow here with us and everything will be fine.”

“And you guys won’t be anywhere near the woods?” Remus said, looking between them all carefully. “You will be hiding somewhere to make sure I don’t leave the woods, if I wake up, but you will be far away, right?”

“Right.” Peter said quickly. “We are going to be stretched out a bit. I’ll be up at the entrance to the castle, James midway, and Sirius will be the closest but not in the woods.”

Sirius nodded at Peter and then smiled at Remus. “We learned a spell to shoot red sparks from our wands in Charms last week. If something happens I shoot up sparks, then James, and then Peter will see the sparks and run for a teacher. But nothings going to happen, Moony.”

Remus seemed to contemplate all of this before nodding. “Okay. We’ll try it. But we go to the woods very early and you get out, okay?”

“Okay.” The trio of marauders said with smiles and nods.

Sirius watched Remus’ face carefully. His friend still looked nervous, but maybe a bit calmer than this morning. Sirius himself was feeling over confident. He had gotten in over his head on the first moon he’d seen all the way through, this time he knew what to expect. He was practically a werewolf expert, he thought, he could handle this. Nobody would get hurt.

*  *  *

“This is a bad idea.” Remus said as they stood in the clearing. 

Sirius gave him a cocky smile and shook his head. “It's not, Moony. It's well and thoroughly researched.”

“The plan was come up with today by several eleven year olds.”

“I’m twelve.” Sirius shot back quickly as he took the folded sweater that Remus handed him. His friend began to undo his trousers next. “Besides, if anything goes wrong then we will shoot off sparks. Everything will be fine.”

They were several miles into the forbidden forest, just the two of them. They had all skipped out on dinner to get into their places. They had left Peter in the castle courtyard, and James halfway down the moors hidden in a bush. Sirius had walked with Remus the whole way into the woods until they found a spot that they thought seemed good, a wide circular clearing with big old trees surrounding it. Then Sirius had settled down the two large hams he had tucked under his arms. Those had been rather difficult to sneak from the Great Hall. He had doused them both with the sleeping draughts and now he was helping Remus bunk down for the night.

Remus groaned as he folded up his trousers and passed them to Sirius as well. “This is a bad idea.”

“Peter and James are already at their spots. It's early. Nothing is going to go wrong.” Sirius insisted. He wished he could whisk all of Remus’ fears away, but he didn’t have that power. He was scared himself too.

He handed Remus the first sleeping draught. This one was basic and just for human consumption. The potion soaking the meat in the center of the clearing was a more advanced sleeping potion. It had said in the book that it was capable of knocking out large beasts, though it hadn’t said what those large beasts were. Surely a werewolf would be felled by it though. If not, then they might have a problem.

Remus took the first potion and sat down cross legged on the ground in between two large roots. “Okay, you need to go.” He said. He already sounded tired. 

Sirius nodded but crouched down in front of him. “Everything is going to be okay, Moony. I’ll see you in the morning.”

Remus gave him a tired smile and a weak nod. “See you in the morning.” He whispered back.

Sirius then exited the clearing, though he didn’t go far. He knew he had promised Moony to leave the clearing and go to the edge of the forest, but he also knew the forest was dangerous. He didn’t want to leave his sleeping friend prey to whatever creatures lurked here in the dark. He was just going to stay until the first bit of moonrise and then he would run. It was stupid, he knew it, but it was a risk he was willing to take.

So Sirius scrambled up into a tree where he could just see Remus asleep from his vantage point. He hunkered down and waited. The evening was cold, his breath fogging in front of his face. He worried about Remus who was laying on the cold ground wearing just his underpants and nothing else. His friend had assured him that he ran hot and that it didn’t matter, but it still seemed awfully cold to Sirius who was shivering up in his tree. 

The forest itself was spooky as well and Sirius understood why it was forbidden to students. It felt like things were staring at him and he kept turning his head about trying to see if anything was approaching. At one point he swore he heard laughter, but saw nothing when he looked. The forest was playing tricks on him and he kept consciously looking back towards the direction of Hogwarts.

As the time slipped by he did wonder about their plan as his nerves ate at him. There were so many ways it could go wrong. Moony might not like the cooked meat. He might not eat enough of the potion. The potion might not work at all. Or maybe Peter or James would get caught out of bounds at night and be forced to explain what they were doing. Or they might not explain but Sirius might get into trouble and no help would come because his friends would have been hauled off to bed. So many ways to go wrong. But he was glad that Moony had decided to try and trust them. He knew his friend didn’t want to hurt anybody and Sirius was naïve enough to believe that feeling would win out over the instincts of the wolf.

He heard a low moan and sat up. He’d been so entrenched in his thoughts and fears that he hadn’t realized the moon was up. Moony, despite the first potion, was beginning to stir. Sirius slipped down from his tree to begin to make his way to the edge of the forest.

He was followed by the agonized screams of his best friend which only made him run faster. He wanted to escape the horror of knowing Remus was in pain. Then the screaming stopped and he heard the howl. It raised the hairs on the back of his head and made him stop and turn briefly. He was far enough from the clearing that he couldn’t see the wolf, but the forest had gone utterly quiet after the howl. He was now alone in the woods with a werewolf and he felt incredibly foolish. Whatever things had been watching and laughing at him had fled.

He heard other noises then though, the sounds of chewing. Horrible loud chewing. Moony was eating the potion soaked food! Sirius turned back around and took to running again. Branches slapped against his face and his feet stumbled over roots. He could hear his own breath getting ragged and he knew he was far from the clearing. He sagged against a tree to pull some air back into his lungs. The cold air felt sharp and unrelenting in his chest, but it kept him alert.

There was another howl behind him and Sirius spun on his heels. That had come from closer than the clearing. Moony had eaten the food, the potion was definitely in his system, but he was still awake and obviously coming in Sirius’ direction. Another howl, even closer, and Sirius knew Moony was running. Sirius debated shooting up the red sparks right now, but he didn’t. He didn’t think they would be seen through the thick trees. Instead he backed up, watching the forest and listening carefully.

Listening didn’t matter. Moony didn’t make a sound as he stalked forward from the woods and Sirius found himself face to face with the wolf. Its massive paws were quiet as it padded forward. Sirius’ run had been a loud ungainly thing, cracking sticks beneath his shoes and whacking branches aside with his hands. Moony made no noise at first, and then there was a low and menacing growl. Sirius took several quick steps backwards, towards the edge of the woods. Moony growled louder. Sirius grabbed his wand and pointed it towards the wolf, but the wolf was Remus. He couldn’t bring himself to shoot a spell at his best friend.

“Moony.” He said desperately, scrambling backwards. “Moony. Remus. Please, see me. See me.”

The wolf didn’t stop. As Sirius scrambled backwards the wolf lifted its head and howled. It sounded like laughter almost, mocking it's easy prey. The wolf lunged and Sirius dove down a shallow embankment, rolling and gasping and landing in a bruised heap at the bottom. The wolf appeared up on top of the small hill and growled again. Sirius thought maybe Moony swayed slightly and then lunged again. 

Sirius, on his back, crawled quickly backwards as the massive jaws of his best friend nearly took off his foot. Sirius was yelling now, full on screaming. He was terrified beyond belief. He stumbled to his feet and felt it when the wolf’s massive jaws snapped down in the air next to his hip. Moony kept missing. He turned to look over his shoulder as he ran and noticed that the werewolf was still following, but it was more haphazard now. Moony was stumbling slightly and drooling heavily from one side of its mouth, the wolf’s shoulder bumped into a tree and slowed it down. The potion was working. Enough to keep Moony’s aim off. 

Sirius turned and ran towards where he knew Hogwarts was. He could hear Moony behind him slathering and feral and still stubbornly pursuing him. Sirius burst through brambles and tumbled through creeks and then finally he saw the edge of the forest approaching, and the moors of Hogwarts’ land beyond them.

His first set of sparks failed, but his second set roared high into the sky. The world was confusing for a moment, illuminated by bright red and the moon above. He saw a massive stump standing in the moors that he didn’t remember being there when they had walked here earlier. He ran towards it intending to climb up it and hide. He felt something yank him back then, claws snagged into his robe and he lunged forward to escape their grasp. He was gasping and crying out in fear as he untangled himself from the robe and sprinted forward. The stump moved.

Suddenly Sirius realized the massive stump was in fact a massive man. Hagrid easily scooped him up and tucked him under one arm with barely a pause. In the other hand he held a massive crossbow and Sirius yelled in fear, though this time not for himself.

“Don’t hurt him! Don’t hurt him!” Sirius begged, kicking and punching at Hagrid in desperation to get the groundskeeper to stop.

He thought he heard Hagrid apologize with a grunt, but that didn’t matter, because he was loosing a bolt towards Remus. Sirius screamed as he was sure Hagrid had just killed his friend. The bolt flew forward as Sirius fought against the giant man. Instead of stabbing into the wolf, however, the bolt split apart into four. Magical rope appeared between these four silver points, formed into a wide net, and wrapped itself around Moony, tangling the wolf up. Moony had the decency now to stop briefly, swaying on his four massive paws, before he started to bite at the restraining rope in dazed confusion. Sirius saw his werewolf friend falter as the potion seemed to be kicking in more.

Then Hagrid was hauling him back and away and Sirius was sobbing. He couldn’t stop crying. “Let me go!” He found himself yelling. “Let me go! Don’t hurt him! Don’t you hurt him!”

Trying to fight Hagrid was like trying to fight a mountain though. No matter how much he kicked and punched, the man barely even moved. It was even worse when Sirius saw Dumbledore walking down the moors towards them as if he was just out for a nightly stroll. He passed by them both with his wand out and Sirius wanted to kick him too.

“Don’t hurt him!” He yelled after the headmaster, but Dumbledore didn’t turn as he advanced upon Remus with his wand drawn.

Hagrid then started up the path back up to the school and Sirius was helpless to do anything. There were several bright flashes of light back in the direction they had left and Sirius didn’t know enough about magic to know what spells Dumbledore was using on his friend.

Sirius found himself set down by Hagrid once inside the school. McGonagall was there then, and James and Peter as well. His friends looked miserable. McGonagall looked composed but slightly scared. Madame Pomfrey bustled into the entry as well and she looked right at Sirius before moving over and inspecting him.

“Not a mark.” Pomfrey assured McGonagall and the head of Gryffindor house let out a sigh of relief. Pomfrey set to pulling out her wand and fixing all the small scrapes and bruises Sirius had, and distantly he knew that ‘not a mark’ meant that he wouldn’t be the one howling on the next full moon.

“Got close though, he did.” Hagrid said gruffly. “Wolf had him by the robes, he did. Near thing. Our young Mr. Black is lucky.”

Lucky? Sirius didn’t feel lucky. He felt twisted up and thin. All the hope had been wrung from him. He slumped down beside James and buried his face against his friend’s shoulder. It wasn’t the same as when he laid his head on Moony’s shoulder though. It didn’t bring the same comfort.

“And Albus?” McGonagall asked quickly.

“Dumbledore is out there now.” Hagrid said “Don’t you worry about him now. He’ll be just fine. Great wizard, he is. Juvenile wolf as well. Won’t be as hard to handle as a grown one. Seemed a bit drowsy even, the wolf, off its game.”

Sirius began to weep again and he was grateful when James twisted about to hold him. “Sorry, Sirius.” James whispered softly. “I’m so sorry. We heard you screaming. We had to tell them.”

Sirius clung to him desperately, using him as a bit of strength in this. He felt something soft wrap about the two of them and distantly he knew that one of the professors had wrapped them in a blanket. Sirius cried against James until there was nothing left in him.

“I think it's best we get the boys to bed.” He could hear McGonagall whispering softly. “I’ll take them up.”

“No.” Sirius whispered weakly. He didn’t want to go to bed. Not when Moony was still out there. He didn’t have much of a choice though. James dragged him upright and he didn’t have the strength to resist him. He leaned against him as he trotted up the many flights of stairs to Gryffindor tower. His legs were screaming and he wondered how they had carried him this far. Outside the portrait, McGonagall gave the password and ushered them inside.

“Off to bed with you all now.” She said sternly. “But you will all report to my office tomorrow during your free period and we will discuss your nighttime antics.”

“What about Moony?” Sirius asked desperately. James tried to pull him away up the stairs but Sirius yanked his arm away and squared up against McGonagall. “What about Remus!?”

McGonagall looked at him with something strange and misty in her eyes. Her hair was down and she was in a tartan plaid nightrobe. She looked different like this. For some reason Sirius thought of Euphemia though the two women looked nothing alike.

“Your friend is under the care of Headmaster Dumbledore now.” McGonagall said, and perhaps her voice was slightly less stern. “We will discuss it tomorrow in your free period. For now, Mr. Black, kindly escort yourself up to your bed.”

Sirius couldn’t, but James could. He felt his friend’s arm wrap around him again and he allowed himself to be dragged upstairs. James was saying stuff to him but it couldn’t get through the fog of despair. In the room everything felt worse, because there was Remus’ bed and Remus wasn’t in it. Sirius whimpered at the sight of it. James pulled him along and Sirius found himself being tucked into bed. James crawled in beside him though, shut the curtains around him, and held his hand.

“My mom does this for me sometimes.” James informed him softly. “Just go to sleep, Sirius. I’ll stay here and the second it's morning we will wake up and go find Moony.”

“Promise?” Sirius said back, and he wasn’t sure what he was asking.

James squeezed his hand. “Promise.”

*  *  *

Sirius didn’t remember walking to the infirmary but he found himself there. He also didn’t remember changing from his clothes last night, but maybe James had helped him. He stood in his emerald green bathrobe staring at the infirmary before the sun was barely up. He could see the white linen curtains blocking off a far corner of the room and he could see Dumbledore, Pomfrey, and McGonagall standing there talking.

It had to be Remus. Remus was behind those curtains. Numbly he walked forward, scared of what he would find. He didn’t get there though. Instead he saw McGonagall glance up. Her eyes were stormy and angry, but the second they landed on Sirius they turned calmer. He thought maybe he had interrupted some vital adult argument, but he didn’t care. His professor walked over to him and he stared up at her. Her long hair was now braided over her shoulder, not finished up for the day yet. It was frazzled around the edges. Sirius felt like that.

“I want to see Remus.” He begged softly.

McGonagall looked back over to where Pomfrey and Dumbledore were standing. “I think it best we allow Madame Pomfrey to continue her work.” McGonagall said. “You may join me for a brief discussion in my office before taking yourself back to bed.”

Sirius looked at her blankly before hanging his head. He followed after her feeling like he was in a fog. His head wasn’t here. His head was behind those white curtains. Not knowing the state of Remus was the worst form of punishment. Whatever he was walking into with his head of house was nothing in comparison.

He found himself sitting down in a big puffy armchair with a cup of tea in his hands. He also didn’t remember getting here. McGonagall’s office. The witch was flicking her wand to open the curtains up to the morning light.

“Your friend’s name is Remus.” McGonagall said, sitting down at her desk and taking up her own cup of tea. “Perhaps you can elaborate, Mr. Black, on how he came to be here.”

“Remus.” Sirius repeated with a tired nod before everything came spilling out of him. In a strange way it felt good to confess. “And he’s not bad at all. He’s wonderful, kind and brilliant. I met him over the summer in a cage in Knockturn Alley. They were hurting him and planning to kill him. James, Peter, and I got him out and brought him here. We thought we could just keep him hidden in our dorm room and it was working fine. Until the moon. You can’t send him away. He’s a Gryffindor, Professor. He is.”

McGonagall let out a soft sigh. “I thought I had told you to pick your battles more carefully, Mr. Black. Squaring up against a werewolf during a full moon is nothing but foolish! You are lucky to be alive! You are lucky to be fully human.”

“It was never a battle.” Sirius whispered, a few tears falling down into his cup. “With Remus...It's always a rescue.”

Silence hung in the air then and Sirius tried to stop himself from shaking apart. He rubbed a sleeve over his snotty nose and then looked up in surprise when a handkerchief floated in front of his face. It had an embroidered little lion on it. He took that instead and blew his nose.

“Remus isn’t bad.” He said “He’s my best friend. He’s just a werewolf too. He doesn’t deserve to be killed or made into dress robes or sent off someplace awful.”

“I would never allow a boy to be made into dress robes.” McGonagall said firmly. “Even if sometimes I believe there are a couple Slytherins who might benefit from such an evolution.”

Sirius looked up in surprise and saw his professor’s smile quirked with a bit of wit, and her eyes shining with something else. Maybe she wasn’t all stern at all. “You’re not going to send Moony away?”

“Heavens no! The boy clearly has magic and therefore belongs at Hogwarts.” McGonagall said “After all, he has fully converted the Black Family heir to believing that others are worthwhile. Others that some might deem as less than.”

“He’s not.” Sirius spat back, even though he knew McGonagall was saying no such thing. He was defensive right now.

“No indeed, he is not. What you did was incredibly rash and dangerous, Sirius. It put not only yourself, but the entire student body at risk. I will be taking ten points from Gryffindor from you, Mr. Potter, and Mr. Pettigrew.”

Sirius faltered. He knew it wouldn’t matter so much to himself, but it would matter to James and Peter.

McGonagall lifted a finger. “However you have also exemplified what it is to be a Gryffindor with your actions. You acted bravely with the sole purpose of protecting a friend. You did not think of yourself and your own gain, but instead put Remus before you. For that you will receive fifty house points.”

Sirius' mouth popped open and McGonagall looked at him with amusement.

“In the future, Mr. Black.” She continued. “I would also remind you that Gryffindors, and all students at Hogwarts School, are encouraged to ask for help.”

He snapped his jaw shut as he composed himself. “Yes Professor.”

“Good.” She said simply before summoning the handkerchief back to her. She used a quick scourgify spell on it before tucking it back up her sleeve. Sirius gulped down his tea and set the cup down.

“Can I see Remus now?”

“Remus is sleeping. It seems that someone gave him enough sleeping potion to keep him under for about a week.”

Sirius winced. “He’s okay?”

McGonagall nodded softly. “He’s okay. He is in the finest of care with Madame Pomfrey. Once he wakes we will begin to discuss what happens going forward. You, Mr. Black, are excused from classes today. Tomorrow you will resume classes as well as a month of detention.”

“Detention?” Sirius truly felt like he could get whiplash from Minerva McGonagall.

“Yes of course. Professor Slughorn has been lamenting his missing Flobberworm Mucus for a week now. I should think that scrubbing cauldrons for him after class will be a suitable punishment.”

Sirius scrunched his nose up and finally felt awake enough for everything to sink in. “I liked the part of this where you were telling me what a great Gryffindor I was.” He remarked lightly.

McGonagall’s lips didn’t twitch into any sort of smile, and her brow lifted, but Sirius imagined maybe there was some mirth in those eyes of hers. “You’re dismissed, Mr. Black.”

Sirius jumped up with a smile and a nod and headed to the door. “Thank you, Professor!” He said before exiting. 

He wanted to run to the infirmary, but instead he dashed upwards to Gryffindor Tower. He knew two other boys that would have woken this morning just as desperate to know Remus’ fate. He needed to tell James and Peter that their friend, and everything dear to them, was going to be okay.

Chapter Text

Remus’ eyes cracked open to bright white light and he knew right away that he was not in his bed in Gryffindor tower. He let out a soft groan and turned his head as much as he could but every muscle in his body felt stiff and strange. He was lying in a white bed surrounded on two sides by white curtains. The side behind his head and to his left were the stone walls of the castle. His heart pounded as he realized he was in a corner. Though two of the walls were cloth he was still trapped and he didn’t know what lay beyond them.

Remus crawled his weary body out of bed, fumbling out and against the stone wall. He heard a noise then and he knew someone was coming. He backed himself defensively up against the stone wall, crouching and letting out a growl as the white curtain flicked aside.

A woman stood there in a faded red dress with a clean cream apron tied over it tightly about her middle. She had grey hair pulled back from her face, shot through with streaks of blonde, and her eyes were blue and kind. Her face was worn with time, but still firm and set. She took Remus in in a few quick looks and she didn’t seem at all perturbed when Remus growled again and even snapped his jaws at her. He knew he wasn’t the wolf right now, but he still felt like his hackles were rising. This woman was a stranger and she had taken him away from his bed and his friends.

“It's good that you are up.” She said, and her tone was brusque but not cruel. It was a voice that was used to barking out orders in quick efficiency, but not unkindness. “My name is Madam Pomfrey. I’m the healer that has been taking care of you.”

Pomfrey had been standing across the bed from him but now she moved around to the end of it. Remus felt even more trapped and he shifted back fully to the corner, nearly dropping to all fours. He wouldn’t allow this woman to cage him in. If it came to it he would fight against her.

Pomfrey, however, just settled down low into her own crouch, several feet away from him. “You’re safe now, Remus.” She said in that same no-nonsense tone, lifting a hand up in a placating manner. “You are in my care now and I am not going to let any harm come to you.”

Remus’ growl began to die in his throat. He didn’t believe this woman was at all capable of lying. Her eyes were soft when they looked at him; not with pity but with care. Instinct told him she was a wolf as well, and an Alpha at that. She truly would protect her own, and she had somehow decided Remus was worthy. The fight left him quickly and he sagged back against the wall, sliding down as his legs turned to jelly.

“There we are now.” Pomfrey said softly, seemingly recognizing that Remus wasn’t going to fight her any longer. “We were all getting worried about you, Remus. I’m glad you’ve woken.”

Remus rubbed a hand over his face. “Still tired.” He informed the healer.

Pomfrey chuckled slightly. “Yes well your friend, Sirius, gave you quite a high dose of sleeping draught. You have been asleep for a week. Which, all things considered, was very good for you.”

“A week?” Remus said, his eyes widening slightly.

“Can I help you back into bed, Remus?” Pomfrey asked him. She was being very careful with him, respecting his space, and Remus was glad for it. 

“I can do it.” He said, though when he tried to stand his legs wouldn’t let him. He stubbornly set his jaw and tried again. This time he managed to get his body braced against the wall and stumbled forward the few feet into bed. Pomfrey came over and tugged back the covers and then very efficiently tucked him in. Remus felt wrapped up in a cocoon but it was a tight and cozy feeling. Not trapped anymore. Just guarded by this healer.

He fell back asleep then even though his head still swam with questions. He let out a sigh and settled back with his head against the pillow. 

*  *  *

Poppy watched the boy settle back asleep and she felt a pull in her chest. She had never regretted or disliked her profession as a healer, though sometimes it did cause her pain. A love of children had made her apply to this position many years ago. She was used to dealing with bloody noses, upset stomachs, Quidditch injuries, and hexes gone wrong. She’d never before treated a werewolf.

Already she had owled to a healer at St. Mungo’s. The reply she had gotten had been disgusting. Drivel about how the boy should be sent to them for an extended quarantine and how she should not try to deal with such a beast on her own. They saw him as someone to be locked away from the world, deprived of an education and a childhood. It had made her angry to know that those healer’s, despite having a wing of their precious hospital dedicated to magical creature maladies, didn’t have a heart in them for this boy. 

And he was just a boy. A small scrap of a thing with barely any meat on his bones. She could easily see his ribs and his gaunt jaw. He was already tall for his age and he just looked like someone had taken a boy and stretched him out but not filled in the gaps. He needed care and rest and far more food than he had been getting. He was a child, not a beast. Despite the feral attitude he had just showed her she was not nervous to be about him. He had softened up once the fear had gone away. Just a boy in a world he didn’t understand.

Minerva had told her about what Sirius Black had said; that the boy had been rescued from a cage in Knockturn Alley. A foul place filled with the darkest sort. Disgusting to think a child was being raised in such an environment! No wonder he felt the need to growl and snap!

Poppy closed the curtain on Remus just as the boy began to snore again. She settled back down at her nearby workstation; a small folding desk she’d pulled out of her office so she could be nearer to her patient. Sirius had almost given the boy enough sleeping draught to stop his heart. By the time Albus had carried the lad in he had been pale and cold, his heart a slow sluggish thing. She thought it would have killed a normal human to have so much draught, but Remus was resilient. 

Poppy had several of her healing texts on her desk, as well as some books she had fetched from the library. Nothing gave her a clear care plan for a werewolf though, and practically nothing at all talked about juvenile werewolves. Remus was a special sort of patient, it seemed. The majority of children didn’t survive the bite, or accidentally killed themselves during violent transformations. Remus had survived all of that on his own, and now Poppy was here to help. She had already firmly told Dumbledore that in no uncertain terms would the boy be going to St. Mungos. She would learn to care for him here at Hogwarts, whatever that looked like. To Poppy it was clear the boy had experienced so little care in his life and she would rectify that.

And then of course there was the matter of his mind. She considered herself a woman not easily overcome by emotions when working with patients, but she found that thinking on Remus’ mind brought a tightness to her nose and corners of her eyes that she rarely experienced. She had done away with crying long ago, it didn’t do to cry into a patient’s open wounds, but once she had been such a tearful thing. A young nurse with a large heart and far too many tears in her body. Now she allowed herself good bouts of tears when not treating patients. Something about the snoring skinny lad tucked into the corner bed tugged at those old worn out heartstrings though.

“Who would Obliviate a child, Albus?” Minerva had asked so softly, and Poppy had wanted to reach out and tuck an arm around her waist to steady her. Minerva was so rarely shaken. Nobody but Poppy would know Minerva was frazzled though. The woman held herself so steady and calm. She would have made an excellent healer in that regard, but it also made her a fantastic Professor. Always steady and watchful of her students. She, just like Poppy, cared about them so very much.

Albus Dumbledore tucked his arms behind his back and let out a heavy sigh. “Perhaps...Someone who wished to solve a problem. Perhaps someone with something to hide. It is likely we will not know the reason why someone removed young Remus’ memories from him. They are now beyond our ken.”

Poppy watched Minerva’s long stoic face turn to look at the curtains that hid Remus from the world. The boy had been sleeping ever since Dumbledore had carried him inside; all limp and hanging from the man’s purple robed arms. At first he had been still and quiet. Poppy had seen to his cuts and bruises and pressed spells of rejuvenation into his chest to get his heart to begin beating strong again. She had worked over him for hours. Then, once she had stepped away, the little boy began to snore.

Those soft snores rumbled out now into the infirmary and it brought her a steady rhythm to know that her patient was alive and well. Calming enough that she was able to step away and have this discussion with Minerva and Albus. She could tell from the tightness about Minerva’s eyes that the other woman was also listening to the snores and worrying about the boy.

"Sirius Black says the boy was kept in a cage in Knockturn.” Minerva continued. She turned back to face Albus, and Poppy saw the steely determination that she had fallen in love with. “Did you know he was there, Albus?”

Dumbledore looked at Minerva with that familiar look of unnerving calm. Sometimes Poppy would like to shake those half moon glasses right off of his face. It was a difficult balance with Dumbledore. On one hand she knew he was a great and powerful wizard that did care for the students at Hogwarts, on the other hand she sometimes thought he failed to see the individual rather than the mass of them. Did he properly see Remus the boy in that bed? Or just another magical anomaly in his life?

"His acceptance letter could not be delivered.” Albus said evenly, not answering Minerva’s question at all.

“So you know who he is then.” Minerva pushed. She was one of the few who went toe to toe with Dumbledore. Poppy knew Minerva respected Dumbledore far more than she herself did, and so she always admired that Minerva could still face down a man she respected and demand answers. “If you know who he is, perhaps we could solve who would Obliviate a child! And Why!”

Dumbledore turned and walked towards the curtained off corner of the infirmary. He moved aside the curtain with his hand and stood staring at the boy in the bed. Remus didn’t stir, he slumbered onwards, gentle snores coming from his rosy lips. 

“Who the boy was has no bearing now.” Dumbledore said quietly. “We must simply wait and see what he becomes.”

Poppy thought it was all a load of Bollocks, really. Dumbledore knew more than he was letting on, as he always did. He was keeping them out of the loop and there was really no convincing the man once he got fixated on something. Remus had a past, and Albus clearly knew some of it, and Poppy hated not having all the answers.

She had discovered the latent Obliviate spell during her initial examination of Remus. Once he was stabilized she had run her wand over him expecting to find that he was malnourished and dehydrated and would need a proper regime of nutrients and a bulking diet over the next few months. She had indeed found that but she had also found the remnants of an Obliviate spell hanging heavy in the boy’s mind. That had shocked her. It was enough of a thorough spell that it must have erased years of memory to leave such a magical mark on his mind. From what she could tell it had been cast around three or four years prior, though the magic was faded enough that it was hard to tell.

Whomever had done that had erased Remus’ childhood. Ah, there was that tightness about her face again and she lifted her fingers to press gently to the corners of her eyes. No point in shedding tears over something that could not be undone. She didn’t have the power to pull apart an Obliviate spell. There was nothing for it. The boy was still young and now he was within her care. Whatever childhood he had lost could now be replaced with better memories. He was still just a boy. 

Poppy’s thoughts were interrupted as a tabby cat jumping right on the book she was not really reading.

“Oh. Minerva.” Poppy tried to sound annoyed, but she knew her voice cracked slightly at the end of it. 

She lowered her head and smiled when the tabby cat bumped its head against her chin and let out a purr. She shifted slightly to press a kiss to the top of Minerva’s furry head. Minerva then crawled onto her lap and Poppy resumed her reading, soothed by the warm presence of her wife curled on her lap.

*  *  *

Remus wakes up again and this time he doesn’t just notice the white curtains and the stone walls. This time he notices the Quidditch pictures taped onto the walls and the neat line of sweets on his bedside table. He also notices a big burgundy duvet thrown over his feet and he knows that it comes from his bed up in the dorm, because it smells like home. He draws it up and buries his face in it. His friends have been here, delivering him treats and things to comfort him. They aren’t here now, but that's okay. Knowing they were brave enough to come was enough. They didn’t hate him.

He remembers the Moon in flashes, because the wolf sees differently than him, focuses differently. He remembers the way Sirius had smelled running through the woods, and the way his breath had sounded ragged and weak. His friend had been loud and the wolf had known it would soon enjoy a delicious meal. He had attacked Sirius several times, nearly clawing him, but the wolf had been groggy and tripping over its feet. 

These decorations are visual confirmation that he didn’t rip Sirius to shreds. His friends would scorn him if he’d done that. He looked up when the curtain flicked aside. He had no idea how Madam Pomfrey knew he was awake, but she carried in a tray and settled it on the bedside table before him.

“Blanket down.” She instructed firmly. The second he tugged the blanket down from his face and settled it over his lap, Pomfrey leaned over to touch his forehead, and Remus flinched away from her hand.

She looks surprised and then apologetic and then she explains it to him and he relaxes. “I’m checking your temperature, Remus.” She said in that calm voice of hers. Her fingers on his forehead feel strange and cool and he feels the tiny pulse of magic.

“Good. No more fever. Ah the ability of young boys to recover quickly. It's a wonder. Especially when they wake up at midnight and devour an entire sweets cabinet’s worth of chocolate.”

Remus looked at her in surprise. “I did that?”

Poppy gave him a small smile. “You did. Nearly bit me when I tried to keep a licorice wand from you. Vomited everything up an hour later.”

Remus felt his face heating up. He didn’t remember any of that! He knew he’d been waking and sleeping for some time now but this was the first time he really remembered it since that very first time. Still maybe sometimes he remembered crying and Pomfrey’s mention of vomit made him remember the sting of bile in his throat.

“Sorry.” He mumbled. He needed to act normal. Not like a wolf, but like a boy. They might let him stay if he could compose himself.

How did Sirius sit? Straight and precise. Poised. Remus tried that, forcing his tired sore body to adopt the pose of his pureblood friend. It felt weird, he was used to being a bit hunched. He also tried not to fidget as Pomfrey moved around him, straightening up the things left behind by his friends and preparing something on the tray she had brought it. She was dissolving something into water, he realized. She handed him the glass and he looked at it questioningly. Pomfrey waved her wand and a chair slid over. She sat down in it and appraised Remus. She must have noted the way he was trying to subtly sniff at the water.

“That is water with a bit of a vitamin tablet dissolved in it.” She explained gently. “I can heal bones and bruises, stitch back together flesh, but I cannot magically replace that what doesn’t exist in the foundations of the body. The vitamins will help you feel better, Remus.”

“What's a vitamin? Is it a magical creature?” Remus asked, peering into the water and looking for whatever magical wiggly things this woman was trying to get him to ingest.

Pomfrey shook her head and smiled at him. “Vitamins are nutrients that your body needs to function properly. Most little boys would get them without trouble, but you didn’t. We understand that you grew in rough circumstances, Remus. You missed out on lots of food and proper care during that time and your body is suffering because of it.”

Remus remembered the days where The Owner would forget to feed him, the gnawing hunger that would start in his stomach and claw inside of him. The way his brain would pound and beg for food and water, but he’d been powerless. He hated that feeling. He drank down the water and set it aside. He didn’t feel any different from the vitamins and he frowned. It hadn’t even felt like magic. Shouldn’t this healer have a magical fix for his ailments?

Remus looked down at his scrawny frame. He was wearing a shirt now, one of Sirius’ colorful muggle ones. Electric Light Orchestra written across it in blazing colors. He rubbed his hand over his chest and felt how skinny it was. “You can’t just give me a potion?” He asked softly. “Make me look normal? Take the scars away and give me some muscles?”

“No, Remus. I can’t do that.” Madam Pomfrey said “What I can do is work with you on eating the right things, drinking good amounts of water, and building a routine for you so you learn how to take care of yourself. It means resting up and learning what your body needs.”

“There will certainly be potions too.” She remarked with a smile. “But nothing to magically change your body in a day. Magic like that often has side effects. We’ll get you started on the potions once I know you won’t be vomiting them up.”

“What about the scars?” Remus pushed, leaning forward slightly. He rubbed at the familiar scar on his cheek. “Can you make those go?”

Pomfrey looked exhausted at the question and Remus knew the answer before she gave it to him. “From what I have read any scars caused by magic or magical creatures are permanent. I cannot remove them from you, Remus.”

Remus gave up on sitting like a normal boy. He dragged his knees up to his chest and hugged them to hide his face against them, letting his hair fall in a curtain in front of his face. He had always had a hope that maybe the scars could go away someday, at least the few that were on his face. The one on his cheek sometimes got red and itchy and he wanted them gone. It was hard to know that even this kind healer couldn’t make them go.

“Remus, I’m sorry.” Madam Pomfrey was saying to him now. “I understand that it can be very frustrating to go through the healing process, but I also think that you are a very strong boy.”

Remus peeked one eye out of his curtain of hair at her. “You do?” He asked

“I do.” She confirmed patiently. “Your body has been healing itself quite a lot. Each day that I check on you, you are doing better and better. Your body may look different than the bodies of your friends, but that does not make it lesser, Remus. Your body has carried you through quite a lot in life, hasn’t it?”

Remus nodded.

“There, you see? So now it is time to help your body grow to its full potential. You will have me helping you and you’ll be just as healthy as your friends in no time at all. Be kind to yourself, Remus.”

Remus didn’t have a response to any of that. He hugged his arms tighter about his bony knees. Be kind to himself. He’d been trying to think like that a few days ago in the shower, that he didn’t want to hate himself, but after the moon it felt harder. He remembered Sirius screaming. Madam Pomfrey left him alone then and Remus stayed put, contemplating the woman’s words as he tried to figure out what everything meant. It sounded like they weren’t sending him away though. The adults were going to help him. Madam Pomfrey said she was going to be there to help him grow. So he could stay then?

He didn’t know how long he stayed like that but eventually his stomach growled. He hadn’t eaten much over the last few days, had he? He thought he remembered swallowing down some broth at some point, but certainly nothing recently. He shifted then, creeping from the bed. His nose sniffed out the line of sweets on his bedside but chocolate didn’t sound good right now. He sniffed more and thought maybe he could smell a bit of toast. But it was around the curtains. Shyly he stuck his head out of the white curtains. Madam Pomfrey was there at a tiny desk, reading a book, with a cat on her lap.

Remus shuffled awkwardly, not knowing what to do. The woman was eating a bit of toast and petting the cat and she looked very focused. Remus took in the large infirmary that he found himself standing in. There were no other beds occupied right now. How exactly did someone politely get the attention of someone else? Wolf instinct made him want to make a little soft barking noise, but he was quite sure that humans wouldn’t communicate the same way.

The cat saved him. The creature lifted its head as it noticed him, and let out a small chirping noise before hopping off of Madam Pomfrey’s lap and stalking haughtily towards the door. Madam Pomfrey looked up in surprise and then turned to see Remus.

“I’m sorry for scaring off your cat.” Remus said sadly, his shoulders slumping. “Animals don’t like me.”

“Oh don’t worry about her.” Madam Pomfrey said, standing up and brushing off her apron. “It's nothing to do with you, dear. You’re perfectly alright.”

Remus’ stomach growled loudly and he found himself rather embarrassed by the noise of it. Should he apologize? Was that also not a polite human function? He was used to being with three other boys and he thought maybe they weren’t the best to go off of for politeness. James seemed to be obsessed with sticking wet fingers in ears and Peter was pretty good at belching. He shifted from foot to foot.

“Sorry.” He said again, taking a step back as his stomach growled even louder. “I can’t help it.”

Madam Pomfrey’s eyes softened. “Well of course you can’t now, dear. Perfectly alright. You haven’t had that much. Do you feel up to eating? I was going to have you try a soup again tonight but if you think you want more?”

Remus nodded quickly. “Starving.” He admitted. “I’ll eat anything. I’m not picky.”

“Any favorites?” Madam Pomfrey asked kindly as she picked up a piece of parchment. “I can have the house elves whip up anything you’d like.”

Remus wanted meat. The wolf had enjoyed the cooked hams that had been waiting for it in the clearing the night of the full moon. He’d devoured them quickly and wanted more. He never got enough meat from The Owner and Sirius always brought him a bunch of random things from the Great Hall. Still he didn’t want to stick out. He wanted to be normal. He didn’t want to remind this woman that he was a beast, not a boy. He was so scared of saying or doing the wrong thing and being sent away somewhere horrible. He wanted to give them every reason to allow him to stay.

“Toast is good.” He tried softly. “I’d like some toast.”

*  *  *

Poppy looked at the boy and could tell he was struggling. He was standing there, clearly starving, and looking about the room with shifty eyes. She thought he probably wasn’t even aware of how much his head moved slightly, cautiously picking up on minute sounds. Minerva did that too, sometimes, when it was just the two of them and she was relaxed. There was something about having an animal counterpart that seemed to make a person attuned with different senses. Remus was very clearly trying to act differently than his instincts wanted him to be. She’d seen it earlier with how he had sat, and she saw it now with how timidly he asked for toast and how part of him was leaning ever so subtly towards the exit. It broke her heart that the signs of abuse hung so heavily on his actions.

“Toast.” She said with a nod. “And I’ll get you some jam with it as well. And a bit of Ham and Eggs, I should think.”

She saw the boy straighten up ever so slightly and his eyes looked excited. Yes, well of course! So silly of her. His body probably craved protein. Not just due to malnourishment but due to his Lycanthropy. She had just been reading about how people sometimes needed dietary changes after being bitten. She was being silly. This particular patient didn’t need easy soups and broths! Goodness Poppy, think! She scolded herself before writing down a list of foods onto her parchment. A full English breakfast should do the trick. The ink faded away and she knew the kitchen would get the order soon enough.

“There, it will be up shortly.” Poppy said, fully expecting the boy to want to hide back away in his bed. She expected a boy who had faced so much to be timid. Remus, she would soon learn, would constantly surprise her.

The boy didn’t hide, even though he was very obviously hesitant. Instead he stepped forward and ran his fingers along one of the spines of the books that she had borrowed from the library. He looked very serious and inquisitive and it took her a moment to realize he was carefully reading what the title of the book was.

“Do you like to read, Remus?” She asked carefully, not wanting to spook the boy.

Remus nodded but didn’t look at her. “Sirius would bring me books over summer.” He informed her “I liked them. I can read, but not very well.”

Poppy frowned at this. Interesting that the boy could read. It meant that there had been care at some point in his young life. Someone had taught him how. “How about writing?”

Remus’ face went pale then and she noticed his fingers trembling. He looked up as if she had just taken away his world and her heart ached painfully at that panicked look.

“Yes. Sort of. Not well.” He said in worry. “But I can learn. Please. I’m a quick learner. I can manage it. You just, um. Please don’t tell me I can’t stay.”

Everything burst out of him so fast and desperate and Poppy would have hugged the boy if she thought it would help, but she thought it would only result in panicking him more.

“Hush now.” She said, “No one is sending you away simply because you can’t write well. You’re here at Hogwarts now, Remus. A learning institution, we'll teach you to write. Hogwarts is your home now.”

Remus stared at her for a few long moments and she could tell he was assessing her truthfulness. He must have decided it was okay because he went back to the subtle inspection of the books stacked up waiting for her to read. He was a very curious child, she decided. Very different from the trio of boys who had been regularly visiting him this past week and a half.

His roommates were the typical first year boys of Hogwarts. Poppy had dealt with so many riotous lads in her time here that the whirlwind of Potter, Pettigrew, and Black was really no surprise. She was also not a stranger to shooing boys like that away from sleeping patients. These three were very determined though, especially young Sirius Black. James and Peter visited frequently, usually as a pair or with Black. Sirius himself visited constantly. To the point where Poppy had been kicking him out repeatedly. The three young ones were all chatterboxes, the Potter boy especially. She was constantly tugging back the curtains to quiet their chatter, though she noted that Remus slept through it all, constantly snoring.

Sirius seemed slightly apart from the other two and she could tell that he was harboring some bit of guilt or worry with the way things had turned out on the Full Moon. From her vantage at her folding desk she had heard the boy apologizing with fervor to Remus who slumbered onwards. She thought perhaps Sirius had apologized at least seven times now. A bit dramatic, but he was a child. She let Sirius get away with lingering a bit longer since it was clear that Remus was dear to him. And, feeling protective of the young werewolf already, she was quite glad he had such loyal friends.

Remus stuck out from that trio very obviously and it did warm her to know that the three pureblood boys had taken him under their wing. So much so that they had brought him here. Illegally. Minerva had not been able to hold back her sigh a few nights passed when they had finally connected all the dots.

“How exactly did three boys break into Knockturn Alley and steal a werewolf?” Minerva had said, her normal stoic façade shattering since it was just her and Poppy alone. She was holding a wizardly paper from a month ago that declared of the Werewolf loose in London.

“Ingenuity, I should presume.” Poppy said, purposefully baiting her wife with the sentence to hear her little scoff of Scottish shock. Yes, there it was. Combined with a straightening of her neck and shoulders that Poppy had always found quite attractive.

“Ingenuity! They aren’t Ravenclaws, my dear.” Minerva had said, briefly closing her eyes and shaking her head. “Brash Idiocy is more like it. Proper Gryffindors. My goodness. If this is what they are up to in their first year I dread to think of their future antics.”

“Perhaps they will have it out of their system.” Poppy murmured, encircling her arms around Minerva’s trim waist. “They were doing it to rescue a friend, were they not?”

“Out of their system? Merlin’s Beard, no they haven’t. Potter alone will give me a permanent head of grey. Besides the boy’s aptitude for trouble, he is also a talker. And Sirius Black, well, once he gets out of his shell…”

Minerva shook her head but Poppy had already noticed the way her wife had become protective of young Sirius Black. The boy had been destined for Slytherin, or so everyone presumed. His cousins certainly were not making the transition to Gryffindor easy for him and Poppy knew that Minerva felt a duty to him as head of Gryffindor house. She rubbed her back subtly.

“Well. Regardless. Remus is here with us now. There seems to be no need to report our findings to the Ministry or to that horrible Menagerie.”

“No. Certainly not.” Minerva said before flicking her wand. The newspaper burst into flames. Their duty lay with the students of Hogwarts, not with the Ministry or a broken justice system that only protected humans. If it was up to them, no one would ever know that young Remus was the werewolf that everyone was looking for.

Poppy’s thoughts were interrupted by a pop followed quickly by a gasp. The food had arrived on her desk and Remus was looking at it with wide eyes. Poppy reached over to shift aside some books and gestured to her chair. 

“You’re more than welcome to sit here if you’d like, Remus.” She said, almost chuckling at the boy’s eagerness to get into the chair. She could tell once more that he was holding himself back.

“It's all for you. Just eat slowly, don’t push your stomach too far.” She said gently. “I am going to take some of these books back to my office and let you eat. Will you be alright?”

Remus nodded quickly, staring at the plate of food in front of him. Poppy could tell he wanted to dive in and she wanted him to have that space of comfort to do so. She grabbed up her books and quickly crossed to her office, leaving the door cracked so she could listen and see if Remus needed anything.

*  *  *

Remus had never seen so much food before. Sirius always did his best to bring him a lot but Remus hadn’t had the heart to tell his friend that he could easily eat double of what he brought him, sometimes even triple. This plate was full of toast and sausage, ham and eggs, a pile of beans, tomatoes, and other things that smelled amazing but that he didn’t know the names of. It was so much food and his stomach growled eagerly. He saw the fork and knife there but he reached forward with his hands instead, happily grabbing up a sausage and wolfing it down. His stomach clenched eagerly around the offering, begging for more, and he happily obliged. Thoughts of being a proper clean boy went out of his head as he wolfed down the entire plate of food much faster than he should have.

He wanted more. He looked at the large platter that probably would have easily fed both James and Sirius and willed it to refill. Apparently the magic didn’t work like that. He glanced nervously towards Pomfrey’s office. He could ask her, but he was nervous. Where was that parchment she had used to order it all? He saw it sitting there and chewed on his lip for a bit, pondering, but he was hungry. He’d never had access to anything like this. Carefully he tugged the parchment towards him and reached for the quill she had used. He didn’t know what to ask for so instead he simply wrote ‘More’. That sounded a bit rude though, so he scratched out a quick ‘Plees an Thank.’ to follow it. The words sunk away. In moments another plate popped into existence and his eyes lit up. It was all the same food again but he didn’t care. This was the best bit of magic he’d ever seen.

He tried to eat the second plate more slowly, he really did, but just as quickly as the first one it was gone. He sat back feeling full and happy and very pleased with himself for getting the meal he wanted. He yawned then, reaching a hand up to rub at his face. Being full made you very very sleepy. He didn’t know that was going to happen. He hadn’t ever felt full like this before, not that he could remember. It was a nice sort of floaty feeling and he liked it. He thought maybe he had consumed a lot of magical vitamins and that's why he felt very nice. He yawned again, opening his mouth so wide and letting out a pleased little snuffle at the end of it. Madam Pomfrey must have heard him because she stuck her head out of her office.

“All finished, dear?” She asked kindly and Remus nodded sleepily. He liked being called dear. It was a nice little thing. Like another nickname.

She came over then and tutted softly at the two plates sitting in front of him, and put her hands on her hips. “Just as mischievous as your other friends, I see.” She said, but Remus didn’t think she was mad at him. She seemed to just be amused.

“I was hungry.” He said tiredly. “Now I feel good.”

“Good. Crawl back into bed there now, Remus.” She said softly. “When you wake up maybe you will feel well enough to speak with Dumbledore and then we can get you to a dorm.”

If Remus had paid attention to the words better he might have stayed awake worrying. As it was he only heard the first bit about going to bed and he was quite alright with that plan. He yawned again before dragging himself up and back over to his corner bed. This corner no longer felt trapping. Instead he felt safe and comforted knowing that on the other side of the white curtains Madam Pomfrey was there watching over him. He already trusted her. He crawled into bed and wrapped the Gryffindor duvet around him before once more falling back into snores.

When Remus woke again there was a hand clutching his own. At first he wanted to tug it away, and then he realized who it was. Sirius. His friend was sitting in the chair beside his bed, though Remus could only see part of him. The invisibility cloak was haphazardly draped over his form and it was clear that Sirius wasn’t supposed to be here.

It was night in the infirmary and everything was quiet. Remus could see Sirius’s dark hair pillowed on the bed near his hip and it looked like his friend had just slumped over and fallen asleep and the invisibility cloak had slipped off his head and one of his shoulders. Remus plucked the cloak up to cover his shoulder, but he didn’t want to cover his face.

Sirius was okay. His face looked normal and fine and he wasn’t covered with a big ugly werewolf scar. He clutched his hand tighter. He smelled normal too. Like Sirius, not like Sirius but with a bit of wolf. Instinct told him he would smell different if Remus had turned him. He sighed in relief and the last bit of tension and worry he had been holding slipped away. 

Sirius stirred then, letting out a soft noise, and opening his eyes briefly. They fluttered back shut for just a moment, and then Sirius was sitting bolt upright.

“Moony!” He gasped, lunging forwards.

Remus laughed as he caught his friend up in his arms, hugging him as Sirius invaded his bed. “Shhh. Don’t wake Madam Pomfrey.” He scolded gently as Sirius buried his face against his shoulder and hugged him back.

“She said you’d woken up a few times, but it's never been when I’m here.” Sirius said “I’ve been so worried all week.”

“I missed you.” Remus said, hugging him tighter. “I was really really scared to wake up here alone.”

“I know. I thought you would be. I’m sorry. Madam Pomfrey is horrible, she wouldn’t let me stay down here and sleep in the bed next to you.”

Remus chuckled because he didn’t need to see Sirius’ face to know he was sulking. “I like her. She’s nice.”

Sirius sat back then, on the edge of the bed. He looked around them and smiled. “It was James’ idea to decorate. I hope you don’t mind all the Quidditch stuff.”

“I love it.” Remus answered honestly. “Made me feel like I was still in the dorm a little bit. Just quieter. Less smells.”

Sirius laughed at that and Remus wanted to hug him again. It was so good to hear him laughing. He didn’t even need to ask the question that had been bothering him, because the answer was clear; Sirius didn’t hate him. He didn’t think he was a monstrous beast or wanted nothing to do with him. Sirius was still here, still his best friend, and everything felt right in the world.

“It’ll be better when you’re back in Gryffindor tower where you belong.” Sirius grinned. “And you won’t need to be all invisible anymore!”

“I can’t wait.” Remus said softly, though that came with a lot of fear too. If he was allowed to stay then it would mean people would see him. Nobody else had scars like he did. He knew there were going to be rules for him if he stayed as well. He wasn’t like the other students and he was sure measures would be put in place.

But he didn’t want to think about that yet. Right now he just wanted to be here with Sirius and worry about all the grown up parts of his life later on. “Tell me about your week.” He said, snuggling down in bed and turning to the side to face Sirius. “I want to know about everything I missed in classes.”

Sirius nodded and leaned forward. “Alright, so in Charms…”

Chapter Text

Remus shifted in irritation, wiggling his toes in the cramped leather surrounding them. He transferred from foot to foot but no matter what he did the shoes still felt utterly horrible closing his toes in. He scowled down at them in disgust. He had tried wearing them without socks this morning and somehow that had been worse, which he hadn’t thought was possible. Now he was wearing his uniform socks, his uniform shoes, and the whole rest of his uniform too. Except for a tie.

When he’d told Madam Pomfrey he needed a Gryffindor tie she had given him a patient smile and explained to him that he needed to be sorted first. Remus thought it was all a bit silly since he already had a bed up in Gryffindor tower and wouldn’t be sleeping anywhere else. He would play by the rules and listen to the adults though. Which meant wearing this uniform and going to see the Headmaster to be properly sorted into a house.

Minerva McGonagall was at his side and he didn’t like her nearly as much as he liked Madam Pomfrey. She had a stern face and he didn’t trust her yet. She smelled nice, though, almost like Madam Pomfrey in a lot of ways. She also smelled like cat and Remus was more than a bit peeved that a cat would like her and not him. Her mouth was set in a very firm line and she had told him to stop squirming about five times already.

“Goodness, child!” She said again. “Do you have Pixies in your pants? Stop squirming about. You’re going up to meet Headmaster Dumbledore, not a ghoul. You’ll be quite alright.”

Remus tried not to fidget, he really did, but he had been abed for nearly two weeks and he was stuck in clothes that he didn’t like, and he was eager to be back with his friends. He had no desire to meet the Headmaster. As far as he was concerned he had already met the man.

The old man came striding confidently from the darkness, smelling not at all of fear. The wolf saw this man as ancient and frail but he carried himself as if he were the one with the power. The wolf did not understand why it's normally strong muscles were quivering or why it stumbled whenever it tried to hunt. The wolf was scared and confused and now this hunter came with no fear at all.

The wolf had been hunting the fragile scared little boy. He had wanted to eat him because he smelled good. He smelled like fear and desperation and blood pounding eagerly through young veins. The wolf hadn’t gotten to taste human blood in so long and he wanted to feast.

Now this old frail man had removed his prey from the fields and stood in front of the wolf. The wolf growled and tried to advance upon the man but his paws shifted strangely in the dirt and he went down partially before clambering back upright. His head felt thick and strange. The wolf could hear its own heartbeat and now it seemed wrong. He lifted his head and growled again before stubbornly advancing towards the old man.

The old man had flicked his wand and the wolf had felt chains wrap about his paws, holding him to the ground. The wolf hated being trapped. He growled and fought against the chains. He refused to be trapped. He bent over to begin to gnaw at his ankle and another spell hit him, causing him to stop and freeze. The wolf howled inside his mind. Didn’t want to be trapped! Not again! There was nothing he could do though. Eventually the wolf succumbed to the potion in his system, falling forward and turning back into a boy in the wee hours of morning. He’d spent the moon trapped by chains and trapped in his mind.

Dumbledore had been intimidating to Remus before he had known him, and now he had encountered him on the full moon. He had a new scar on his ankle from where the wolf had tried to chew out of his bonds. While Remus was very glad Dumbledore hadn’t let him chew away through his ankle, he wasn’t happy that the man had frozen him entirely. Remus hadn’t known his own body could become a cage and it had been hell for him.

He reasoned that Dumbledore wouldn’t know but it still made him grumpy and uncomfortable to meet the great wizard. It all was happening so fast too. He had just properly woken up yesterday, spent the night chattering with Sirius, and then had another day of rest and sitting with Pomfrey. Now it was the evening and he was standing in front of the griffin entrance to Dumbledore’s office. He wiggled again and McGonagall sighed before stepping forward and murmuring something. Remus took a startled step back as the Griffin began to move, shifting aside fluidly to reveal the staircase.

“Up you go.” McGonagall said. “I’ll be here when you’re down.”

Remus eyed the staircase distrustfully but stepped forward. The staircase moved the second he stepped on it and he yelped as he was brought upwards and belched forth from the staircase onto plush carpet. He looked up around him and his eyes widened at the magnificent office. There were so many books and portraits and things to look at. There was also a rather large desk on a slightly raised dais. Remus crept forward cautiously, looking about and sniffing into the air. It smelled like licorice and sage in here and perhaps a bit of old beeswax. He didn’t smell the old man, Dumbledore, anywhere. 

“He’s a werewolf, you know.” Came a whisper over his shoulder and he spun and raised his eyes upwards. One of the portraits was leaning forward from his painted chair and peering down at him with opera glasses. Another portrait was leaning over, this one a woman dressed in a regal blue gown.

“A werewolf?” The woman murmured. “A student here at Hogwarts? Dumbledore goes too far with this one.”

“Indeed.” The first portrait declared. “A Dark Creature walking the halls of our fine institution!”

Remus scowled at the portraits and turned his back on them. He wasn’t going to listen to two old dead people talking about him. He belonged here at Hogwarts. He stepped up to the desk and looked around. Nobody was here. He was tempted to look at the books lining the walls, or to pick up any of the objects that smelled of magic, instead he crossed his arms and waited.

“Ah, Young Master Remus!” A soft spoken old voice declared behind him.

Remus turned slightly to see Dumbledore walking forward in faded blue robes with silver stars picked along the sleeves and hems. Out of all the robes he saw witches and wizards wear he thought that Dumbledore seemed to have the best ones. They were voluminous and cozy looking and Remus would have liked to wear those to hide away in. He thought they were probably outdated though, because nobody else wore anything close to the Headmaster.

Remus didn’t say anything, just watched cautiously as Dumbledore stepped around the desk and settled down into his chair. From up close Remus could see him better and he was a bit annoyed at the fact that he just really did just look like an old man. His face was worn and sagging, his beard was long and white and his hair seemed to be thinning under the blue cap he wore. His eyes were clear though behind his half moon spectacles, a bright and crystalline blue. Sharp and observant. Still he was rather, well, underwhelming.

“Sit.” Dumbledore said, waving his hand and a chair appeared behind Remus. Remus sat.

So it seemed Dumbledore could do magic without a wand and without using words. Remus leaned forward in interest at this. Perhaps the old man was a bit exciting. “How do you do magic without a wand?”

Dumbledore lifted a wild bushy brow and gave a slight smile. “Wandless magic comes to some wizards and witches over time. It's a more advanced form of spellcasting.”

“And what about the words?” Remus pushed.

“Again, students can learn in time to cast without using words. Magic becomes intuitive to the student, ingrained within them.”

Remus leaned back and chewed on his lip as he thought about this. Dumbledore seemed to be appraising him with a strange soft sort of smile.

“Why do you ask, Young Remus?” The Headmaster pushed back.

Remus lifted his chin proudly, channeling his inner Sirius. He was not going to let anyone send him away from here. He was going to leave this office with the upper hand and the ability to stand beside his friends forever. He was going to prove once and for all to all these stuffy wizards, and the hateful portraits, that he belonged here at Hogwarts. Even if he was a werewolf.

“I can cast wandless magic without words.” He declared. He sounded like Sirius then too, all stuffy and full of himself. It felt good, but it didn’t feel like Remus.

Dumbledore took half a beat of silence before he nodded his head and seemed to be smiling slightly at Remus’ audacity. “That is a feat most admirable, Remus. Not every witch or wizard can claim that ability. To do it as a young one is often intuitive, but we see that less and less these days as most children grow up in environments different than your own.”

“You mean the cage.” Remus said bluntly, knowing that Dumbledore was aware of his origins.

“Yes. I do mean the cage. You were shut away from your magic, were you not? I imagine your magic was eager to awaken after its slumber. You may find wandless magic comes easier to you than it comes to your friends. They have always had a more rigid sort of upbringing.”

Remus rubbed his hands on his knees to clear them of sweat. “But I have a wand now too. I got it from that big old store cupboard on the seventh floor. The one with the door that vanishes?”

Dumbledore chuckled and Remus got the sense he was more surprised at this than at his wandless magic. He made no sense. “The Room of Requirement, Remus. It's a very special room at Hogwarts. It only appears to those students that have a true need of its presence, and when it appears it contains exactly what they need.”

“So I needed a wand…” Remus said in awe. “And it came to me?”

“Hogwarts is protective of its students,” Dumbledore said with a twinkle in his eye. “And it has decided to protect you, Remus.”

Remus looked down at his lap then as the emotions swirled up inside him, threatening to pop right out. He thought he might be shaking, which was embarrassing, but he wasn’t used to being seen like this. Having himself out on display after hearing those words was hard. He wished he didn’t show himself quite so easily. He wished he could be a touch more enigmatic like Dumbledore himself.

“So I can stay?” He whispered quietly, staring down at his shoes.

He heard a rustle and looked up. Dumbledore was offering him an envelope. He reached out for it and brought it closer so he could see it. There was a pretty wax seal on one side, emblazoned with the crest of Hogwarts. When he flipped it over he could see his name

Remus
The Boy in the Cage
The Menagerie of Knockturn Alley

He ran his finger carefully over his own name, written in a deep emerald ink. He flipped the letter back over and carefully cracked open the seal. Inside was a sheet of parchment that he sat there and painstakingly read. By the end of it he felt he couldn’t quite breathe. He looked up and quickly rubbed away a tear from his cheek.

“I was always invited?” He asked. This letter talked about the term starting on September 1st and all the supplies he would need. It had been expecting him all this time.

“Your letter refused to be delivered.” Dumbledore informed him quietly. “Strange. Normally the Owl Post associated with Hogwarts is quite stubborn indeed. However, all the owls sent with your letter never returned. We had no knowledge of where you were, you were hidden.”

Remus thought of The Menagerie and the cage filled with old sad looking owls that never seemed to diminish no matter how many The Owner had sold. He thought about the urgency in which The Owner had decided to have him harvested and how the man seemed to be doing away with The Menagerie entirely. He let out a shaky breath and looked back down at the letter. It was the best thing he’d ever been given, he thought, permission to stay. He was going to keep it forever and then nobody could ever make him go. He rubbed away more tears and sniffles, but they kept on cropping up no matter what he did.

“I don’t have any of the supplies.” He said lamely, gesturing down at the second sheet of parchment that declared what was necessary to begin schooling at Hogwarts. He said it to distract himself from the tears plopping down onto the letter.

“Understandable. Professor McGonagall has already assured me that she will assist you in getting everything you need to go forward here at Hogwarts.” Dumbledore said evenly. “Once you are sorted and situated you can begin your classes.”

“I’ll be behind.” Remus said, rubbing away his final tears and looking at the Headmaster.

Dumbledore nodded. “You will be. McGonagall has also told me she will get an older student to help tutor you in what you might have missed. Beyond that we are going to ask that you remain on campus during this summer to properly wrap up your first year.”

Remus sat up straighter at that. He hadn’t known what he was going to do when summer came around and term ended. Part of him was dreading the fact that it meant he was probably going to have to go home with James and meet parents. “I can stay here?”

Dumbledore smiled, a slight upturn of one corner of his lips and his eyes twinkling. “It seems rather foolish to send an escaped werewolf back into London, does it not? I should think the authorities will still be looking for you, young Remus. Hogwarts campus will be safer for you.”

Remus swallowed and nodded. “Are you going to chain me up every Full Moon?”

Dumbledore looked surprised. “Ah, interesting. You remember what transpires on Full Moons? There isn’t much written about werewolves, you know, our intelligence is limited.”

Remus squirmed slightly. He didn’t like that phrasing, though he didn’t know why. “I sort of remember it? The Wolf thinks differently than I do. But I remember the chains.”

“Fascinating.” Dumbledore remarked and Remus got the feeling that the old man was missing the point.

“Can you make it stop?” He blurted out, leaning forward. “Madam Pomfrey says I have Lycanthropy. It's a disease. I can show you where I got bit. It's on my left hip. You’re a great wizard, everyone says. Can you make it go away?”

Dumbledore looked at him very seriously, holding his hands clasped in front of him on the desk. Remus hated him for looking so calm when Remus himself felt like he could vibrate apart while waiting for the answer.

“Lycanthropy is a disease with no known cure.” Dumbledore said, crashing all of Remus’ hopes down. “I am sorry, Remus, but there is nothing that I or any other great wizard can do for you.”

Dumbledore stood and Remus watched him numbly as the man walked over to his bookshelf, arms behind his back, and appeared to be mulling over his next words. Remus just felt exhausted. He wanted to crawl back into a bed and sleep some more. This entire meeting had pulled him up very high and sunk him very low and he was tired of the whirlwind of this new world. He wanted things to stop being so much all the time.

“I don’t really want to lose the Wolf.” Remus finally said. “I just want the pain to stop.”

“Madam Pomfrey, Professor McGonagall, and I are working on a plan for the Full Moons. You will get the care you need to get through them.” Dumbledore said, turning about to face Remus. 

“But it is good to hear that you do not wish to lose the wolf. You are a wise boy, Remus. You have been given a gift that not many have. Your wandless magic. Your Lycanthropy. You may find that both will prove useful in time.”

Remus frowned at the strange words. He didn’t get them. His disease wasn’t a gift. Adults saw things so differently though. Perhaps Dumbledore just knew more than him. Still it made his stomach feel a bit icky. His life was remarkably worse than that of his friends because of his Lycanthropy and it caused him so much pain every month. Calling it a gift felt wrong, but Dumbledore spoke with such even wisdom that Remus felt compelled to listen to him.

“You will need to keep what you are a secret while at Hogwarts.” Dumbledore said, walking back over and sitting down. “I am sure you already are well aware how the average wizard feels about werewolves. If you were found to be here at Hogwarts I doubt there would be much I could do to keep you here.”

Remus sucked in a sharp breath. Dumbledore just continued onwards.

“You must not tell other students about your Lycanthropy. I know your trio of friends is aware and they have all agreed to stay silent. No one else can know, Remus.” Dumbledore paused and Remus nodded quickly. 

“Most werewolves do not attend school or keep steady jobs in the wizarding world. If you want to succeed then you must disguise what you are. You are going to need to work very hard to prove yourself, Remus, harder than your classmates. It's not the way the world should be, but there it is.”

Dumbledore seemed exhausted with those words and Remus understood that exhaustion. He had lived his entire life knowing that nothing was ever going to be easy.

“If one steps onto their path with determination they will find it much harder to divert from it.” Dumbledore said quietly. “Set your sights forward, Remus, worry not about what others are going to presume of you.”

Dumbledore peered at him over the top of those moon spectacles and Remus just numbly nodded again. Dumbledore then shifted and reached for a hat sitting nearby on a stool. Remus hadn’t paid it much attention; it seemed like an old plain hat. Dumbledore, however, passed it to him and Remus took it carefully, unsure of what to do with it.

“That is the sorting hat, Remus, it will decide your house for your stay here at Hogwarts.”

Remus frowned down at the thing. “I’m a Gryffindor.” He said, shooting a stubborn glare in the direction of the Headmaster before plonking the hat down on his head.

A werewolf   The hat whispered inside his mind. Interesting, interesting. I’ve never gotten to sort out a Dark Creature before. 

Remus let out a displeased growl.

Steady now. Let's see where to put you. Your mind is very different from most. Clouded in many ways, but sharp. Still sharp. You would make a good Ravenclaw with that drive to learn.

Remus growled louder, not knowing that he could communicate back with the hat just by thinking.

Or a Slytherin? Much potential for a Dark Creature like yourself in Slytherin.

“Not Slytherin.” Remus snapped out loud. It would upset Sirius so much.

“Not Slytherin…” Dumbledore said in a different tone entirely. Strangely possessive, in a way.

Not Slytherin. Not Slytherin. Dumbledore has his ideas, so not Slytherin. The hat mused Besides you are much too brash for Slytherin, aren’t you?

“He doesn’t have anything to do with it!” Remus snapped out. He wanted to rip the hat off his head. “I’m already a Gryffindor.”

Ah, so you are. Apologies, young wolf. So you are.

“Gryffindor!” The hat said simply, and Remus ripped it off and tossed it forward onto the stool. He stood then, filled with energy. He was sick of jumping through all these adult hoops. He grabbed up his acceptance letter and held it tightly in his hand.

“Are we done, Headmaster?” He asked

Dumbledore gave a nod, still watching him carefully. “We are done, Remus. You may go meet with Professor McGonagall to get your supplies.”

Remus nodded and turned towards the door, intent on getting away from Dumbledore and his strange confusing words and ideas.

“Remus.” Dumbledore called his name just before he was about to leave. Remus turned his head slightly to listen to what the man had to say. “I am eager to see you reach your potential.” Dumbledore said simply. “Welcome to Hogwarts School.”

Remus nodded before taking to the stairs, he took them two at a time so he moved even faster. He was relieved when he was out and the Griffin was stepping shut behind him. Dumbledore was overwhelming. How had he ever thought he seemed boring at the start of that meeting?

McGonagall straightened slightly as he stepped out, and she held out her hand. “May I see your letter, Remus?” She said, he stepped forward and set it in her hand. He assumed she wanted to see the supply list but instead she flipped the letter about to look at where his name was.

McGonagall’s face did a strange thing then, her lips tightened and her eyes looked cold and stormy. She glanced towards Dumbledore’s office and she looked stony and angry. Remus saw her hand tightening and he was utterly terrified she would accidentally crumple his letter a bit. He reached back for it and she must have sensed his worry because she relaxed and handed it back to him. She was still wound up all tight though and Remus feared it was something he had done.

He put his head down as she strode away with purpose, and followed after her. McGonagall led him to her office and opened a small store cupboard. She began pulling out a set of old worn books. They all had faded covers and scribbles on the fronts from past students. They were beaten up and falling apart. When she handed them to him they smelled like dust and age.

“Those are your textbooks.” She informed him. “Let's see...You can use one of Slughorn’s spare cauldrons for potions. You’ll need some good quills and some ink.” She moved over to her desk and pulled out a few basic quills and a bottle of black ink. She waved her wand and they vanished. “Those will be in your dorm. Shall I do the same with your books?”

Remus shook his head quickly and hugged the massive stack of books. “No. No, I'll carry these.”

McGonagall gave him a nod. “Your uniforms will have to be secondhand, I’m afraid, but we’ll find a few sets to fit your height. And Gryffindor ties as well.”

Remus nodded eagerly.

“I am the head of Gryffindor house.” McGonagall said, her face softening ever so slightly. “If there is ever anything you need do not hesitate to reach out to me, Remus. I hope you enjoy your time here.”

“I will, Professor.” He said. “I already have been.”

“Good. Now off with you. Try not to let those three mischief makers have too much power on you. You have a lot of catching up to do. The password for the tower is Hiccupping Hippogriffs. Welcome to Gryffindor.”

Remus nodded again, a massive grin on his face. He honestly couldn’t wait for it. He left McGonagall’s office and rushed to Gryffindor tower. His books were heavy in his arms but he couldn’t be bothered to care about the weight of them right now. They were his! He practically dashed up to the Portrait of the Fat Lady, so eager to finally enter properly.

“Hiccupping Hippogriffs!” He declared.

The lady began to swing open and he heard a “Haven’t seen you before, darling-” before he was dashing through the half open portrait and into the Gryffindor common room for the very first time as a proper student of Hogwarts. He saw Lily sitting by the fire with a few other first year girls and Peter. Peter instantly hopped up with an eager smile.

“Remus!” He said, hurrying over. Remus saw his eagerness turn into slight hesitation and Remus quickly shook his head.

“No worries. It's all been sorted.” He said simply.

Peter gave a breath of relief and then reached out his hands. “Give me some of those, let's go up.”

Remus passed over a few of the books and barely spared a glance for the rest of the common room before following Peter up to the dorm. Inside they found James and Sirius with a duvet spread out on the floor, both flicking through Quidditch Weeklys. James glanced up first and let out a loud cheer as he hopped to his feet. Sirius followed quickly, his wonderful bright smile lighting up his face.

“I’m in Gryffindor!” Remus said, setting his books down on his trunk just in time to be seized up in a hug by James.

“Course you are, Moony!” James said and Remus hugged him back. He felt more arms about his back and he knew it was Peter. Sirius joined in last, wiggling his arms into the mix. Remus sighed in relief at the feeling of all his friends about him.

“Thank you for helping me.” He said.

James laughed and shifted a hand to mess up his long hair. “How many Gryffindors get to bunk with a proper lion? Er, well, Wolf. Whatever. You get the point, Moony. Course we helped you out. Now you’re stuck with us.”

“Happy to be so.” Remus said with a smile.

The four boys separated from their hug just as a pile of Gryffindor ties and uniform clothing appeared on top of the trunk at the end of Remus’ bed. He headed over in excitement, grabbing one of the ties up. “Show me how!”

Sirius stepped forward and took the tie from his hands and settled it about Remus’ neck. He giggled then. “Stop wiggling, Moony.”

“Sorry, it's the shoes.” Remus said, grinning down the inch towards his best friend. Sirius rolled his eyes and used his hand to bump Remus’ chin up and he stayed put. He could feel Sirius tying the tie about his neck and then adjusting the collar of his uniform shirt.

“Ties are constricting too. Like shoes. Sorry.” Sirius said, stepping back. “But you look cool, Remus.”

“Do I?” Remus reached up to touch the perfectly done tie knot and then headed into the bathroom. The rest of the lads crowded in behind him.

When Remus looked in the mirror he saw a Hogwarts student. He wore the same white shirt and grey sweater as everyone else, his black robes thrown on top. His hair curled nice and gentle to his shoulders and was shining and clean. About his neck flashed the red and gold of Gryffindor. His uniform seemed to know his house had been decided because as he watched a perfect Gryffindor crest magically stitched itself onto the breast of his sweater. When he looked at his face he didn’t really see the scars or the gauntness. He just saw his own eager eyes staring back at him.

“I do look cool.” He breathed out.

The moment was shattered as James whooped loudly again, too loudly for the cramped bathroom, and yanked Remus down to ruffle up his hair. “We gotta celebrate! ELO and exploding snap in the common room. With our favorite visible werewolf!”

Chapter Text

Remus started his academic career in the second week of February when the rest of the school seemed entirely distracted from day to day schooling. Hogwarts seemed to slowly amass decorations the closer and closer they got to Valentine’s Day, and students seemed focused on that. As someone who had no idea about structured holidays he was quite blown away by the entire affair. At first it was a heart here or there and then it was red and pink streamers hung about and flowers in the halls. Students kept passing notes during classes and whispering excitedly about Valentine’s gifts.

It seemed a bit absurd to a young boy who had no idea what they were celebrating. Frankly he didn’t want to ask either and risk sticking out more than he already did. All he knew was that February 14th was Valentine’s day and that was tomorrow. Whatever. He had too much to deal with already. It was only a few days after his meeting with Dumbledore and he had been thrown headlong into his academics and into being visible to the student body. While everyone else was distracted he was completely focused on his classes.

Each day brought a new flood of questions, so many questions that most professors had asked him to limit his hand raising in class and to talk with them afterwards if he wanted more answers. He always wanted more answers. McGonagall, knowing of his situation, was the most patient with him and he found he had plenty of questions to ask about things that transformed.

Lots of times he would ask a question and the other students would titter and laugh at him. Apparently he asked silly questions or questions that had already been covered in other classes. It was annoying when they laughed at him. His attention would get pulled away from his sought out answers to instead protect himself against their ire and mirthful gazes. He wasn’t used to being visible yet. It felt wrong to have heads turn towards him when he walked by in the hallways. And they did turn. They turned, and they looked, and they whispered. The whispers wouldn’t be heard by normal ears, but Remus could easily hear what people said when he walked by.

“Where do you think he got those scars?”

“Looks worse than a banshee, he does.”

“Ugh, gross.”

“Bet he’s mudblood too, Hogwarts is going to the dogs.”

That one...Well, that one had made him laugh a little bit. He couldn’t help it. If they knew he transformed into a wolf each month they would have seen the irony. To the dogs, indeed. However laughing alone in the hallway only brought more whispers.

“Ugly and crazy.”

“Completely and utterly loony.”

“Glad I’m not a first year. Would hate to have to look at that all class.”

“Embarrassing for Gryffindor.”

Remus sometimes couldn’t help the growls and that didn’t help either. It would result in people laughing at him and whispering more. He moved through the halls with his head down and his hair flopped in front of his face to hide his scars. He tried to keep every bit of himself covered now, always wearing his robe with his hands stuffed in the pockets. If he needed to carry books he would tug the sleeve of his sweater over his hand and hold them that way. He hadn’t thought being visible would bother him so much, but it did. He tried to be kind to himself like Madam Pomfrey had said, but the words ate at him. He knew the scars were prominent but he didn’t think they were quite so disgusting as the majority of the school thought.

He liked to walk along the edges of hallways to avoid the most notice, but he quickly learned that was impossible when traveling with his friends. James and Sirius always walked in the middle of the hallway. They didn’t even think about it, they just strode from a room and took up their pace in the middle of the castle corridors as if it was their right to walk where everyone could see them. Peter followed them, always a few steps behind, and Remus tended to walk with him. If it was just him and Peter alone they would find a comfortable position with Remus closest to the wall and Peter forming a bit of a barrier between him and the rest of the world.

Sometimes he wanted to turn and snap at whoever was talking that nothing about his face mattered and he was just here to learn like the rest of them, but he knew he couldn’t do that. He couldn’t stand out any more than he already did and having very good hearing wasn’t something that the other kids had. It just made his skin crawl that all these students didn’t have to worry, they were always going to get their education, and they wasted their time whispering about him instead.

Lily Evans noticed before any of the other marauders noticed. He didn’t blame them, they were wrapped up in their own chatter about pranks and Quidditch. Remus was walking down the hall alone trying to remain as unseen as he could without the cloak. He had his books tucked under an arm and he was going to head to the library to read. Instead he was stopped by several Slytherin students sneering at him. They had to be around his age but he didn’t know any of them. Remus took a step back and they stepped forward. He looked between them, completely confused as to what was going on here.

“I am trying to go to the library.” He said since it seemed like they were waiting for him to say something.

One of the boys barked out a laugh and then shoved him. Remus stumbled backwards in confusion. He hadn’t done anything. He was just walking.

“You don’t belong in our library, freak.” The boy who shoved him had said. “You’re going to distract all the other proper students with your ugly face.”

Remus winced, instinctively shifting his hair in front of the bad cheek scar. He tried to step around the boys and be done with this, but another stepped forward and shoved at him again. He gasped when his books fell this time. His books, to him, were precious beyond belief. He quickly dropped to his knees and began grabbing them up. One of the boys let out a haughty laugh and Remus craned his neck upwards warily.

“That's a much better place for you.” The boy sneered, hateful and cruel “What are you? Halfblood? Mudblood? You belong at the feet of your betters.”

Remus scowled up at him and grabbed his history of magic book from near the other boy’s foot. He suddenly found his hand being stepped on by a fancy leather shoe as the boy ground it into the cobblestone. Remus was used to pain though and he simply glared at the boy and let out a growl.

“Lemme go.”

“Freak.” The boy said, stepping harder on his hand.

Remus felt the pain and he felt the wolf inside of him getting angry. He was taller than these kids and even though he wasn’t the wolf right now he thought he could fight. He could tackle them or kick them or...but no. No he couldn’t. He couldn’t draw attention to himself. He hung his head and flinched when the boys burst into laughter above him.

“That's better, halfblood freak.” The leader sneered. “You don’t belong at this school but if you must be here then you bow to us.”

The boy lifted his shoe and Remus grabbed his history book and cradled both book and hand to his chest. His hand was starting to throb a little and it was all scraped up on the palm. He saw movement and huddled a bit as he realized the one boy was pulling his leg back with the intention of kicking him. He braced for impact but it didn’t come. He heard a startled yelp and when he looked up the three boys were being pelted with flutters of paper. The paper seemed to crowd around their faces and while it didn’t seem to hurt them, it certainly looked annoying. All three waved their arms about wildly before just giving up and turning tail down the hallway, flutters of parchment pursuing them with a vengeance.

“Remus.” He heard the soft, kind voice and he glanced up nervously.

Lily was there, offering him a hand and tucking her wand away into her robe. Remus, without thinking, gave her his hand that had just been hurt. She gasped and grabbed his wrist, tugging him upright and then bending her head over his hand.

“They hurt you? Come on, let's go see Madam Pomfrey.”

“It's okay.” Remus said, not wanting to worry her. “It doesn’t hurt so bad.”

Remus hadn’t gotten to interact so much with Lily since he had properly come into Gryffindor. He was always with James and the other marauders and Lily never seemed keen to come over to the group of loud boys. She always smiled at him in the hallways though, and Remus had wanted to talk to the kind girl again. Not like this though. He tugged his hand from Lily’s grasp and shoved it into his robe pocket.

“It's okay.” He repeated. “I don’t know what I did to make them angry but I don’t want to cause more trouble.”

Lily looked up at him with a frown on her face. “I bet you didn’t do anything at all, Remus. They are a bunch of bullies. That group calls me a mudblood all the time.”

“Mudblood?” Remus cocked his head to the side. “They called me that. And Halfblood.”

Lily sighed in frustration. “Honestly it's amazing that the Administration doesn’t crack down on the use of slurs! It's a bit ridiculous!”

“Uhuh” Remus agreed, though he had no idea what she was talking about really.

Lily linked her arm into his own and he tensed up but went with it. She was shorter than him by a lot but he didn’t mind the slightly off beat walk that meant they had to fall in together. Lily smelled much nicer than any of his other friends too, so it wasn’t so bad being close with her. Were they friends? She seemed to think so, even though this was only the second time they had spoken together.

“I’m glad you’re here. I got worried when I didn’t see you after the train.” Lily said and Remus hoped she didn’t notice how he tensed up.

“Oh. Well. I got...I get sick sometimes.” Remus said. Peter had been the one to suggest this excuse. He said make a bit of a sob story and people would look the other way. It seemed to work on Lily because she just shifted her other hand to his arm and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Well then I’m extra glad you’re here now.” She said simply.

She was so nice. Remus thought he was incredibly lucky to meet all of these wonderful people. Lily Evans was easily one of the nicest and he didn’t know what he had done to garner her attention. She seemed to just scoop him up under her wing and decide that they were friends. In fact Lily began easily chatting about Valentine’s Day and her general excitement for spring to come and how she couldn’t wait to learn the Mending Charm in class next week because apparently she’d ripped her robe and though she could sew it the Muggle way she thought it was much more thrilling to use magic.

“Everything is just so new and amazing here!” Lily said brightly. “Don’t you think so, Remus?”

Remus nodded. Finally someone got it! “Yes. I can’t believe how much magic there is.” He said as he shook his head in wonder. “Some of it seems almost silly but I love it all. I want to learn everything.”

“Absolutely. I think I’m properly addicted. I’m going to come home this summer and go stir crazy with my parents and sister.”

“You could show them your magic.” Remus said, and Lily gave him a funny look.

“Remus, we can’t do magic outside of school. It's against the law for underage wizards to do so.”

Remus blinked in surprise. Oh. Well he had done some and nothing had happened. So had Sirius, James, and Peter during the rescue. Best not to mention that though.

“I didn’t know that.” Remus said with a shrug.

“You don’t come from a magic family, do you?” Lily asked with a light smile. “Me neither. Both of my parents are muggles. My sister Petunia is as well. I wish she was a witch like me though, then maybe we would fight less.”

Lily sighed. “But my best friend that I grew up with ended up being a wizard, so that's alright.”

“Oh. Cool.” Remus said. He didn’t know what he could really say. “I don’t...I don’t have parents so I don’t know if I come from a magic family. Probably not. I think you know if you’re a pureblood, right?”

Lily gave him a little arm squeeze again, but she didn’t pry. “All those people make such a huge deal out of being pureblood.” Her brows furrowed again. “I think it's all so silly. We’re all just here learning the same things. Nothing really says I can’t be just as good as old rich magic families.”

“You used that hair cutting spell on me and none of the boys knew what to do.” Remus said quietly which garnered a bright smile from Lily.

“It's such a practical spell! How come you hang around with Potter and Black so much?” Lily said “They’re both so different from you, Remus. So loud. I can understand Peter, he’s wonderful, but those two are so stuck up.”

Remus felt so protective of James and Sirius and he tugged his arm from hers. “Don’t talk about them like that.” He said. “They’re not bad. They’ve done a lot for me and...Sirius is my best friend.”

Lily looked surprised at that. “Oh.” She stepped forward. “Remus, I'm sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. Mum says I need to think before I speak sometimes. Too bold. I guess maybe I’m also a little bit sour towards them. People sometimes don’t understand why I’m friends with my best friend. I get it.”

Remus forgave her instantly. How could he not? Her green eyes looked so beseeching of him and with her red hair and round soft freckled cheeks she looked like a forest fairy. She definitely had some wild magical power. Maybe cause she was a girl? The other boys had been intimidated by her before. Must absolutely be a girl thing.

“I know they can be...A lot.” Remus said slowly. He was thinking about last night when James and Sirius had been jumping from bed to bed trying to do tricks and jostling poor Peter and Remus in the process. “But they are good. Sometimes they are stupid, but they are good.”

“Okay.” Lily said simply, giving him a smile before tugging him inside a familiar room.

Remus hadn’t even realized that she had been leading him to the infirmary until she led him inside. His eyes widened slightly and when he looked at his new friend she had a proud little smile on her face. Okay, she had planned this all along. Distracted him with chatter so that now he was going to have to confess to Madam Pomfrey that he got hurt.

He heaved out a sigh and shook his head.  “Okay. Fine. You win though, I’ll show her my hand.”

Remus walked further into the familiar room, his eyes traveling to the bed in the corner which was now open for all to see. Madam Pomfrey just bustled from her office and saw him. She came over quickly.

“Remus?” She asked gently, briefly looking past him towards Lily “Is everything alright, dear?”

“Um. Yes.” Remus said hesitantly. He didn’t want to annoy this woman who had already helped him so much. He tugged his hurt hand from his pocket and held it out. “Just my hand got hurt. I...Fell down the stairs.”

Madam Pomfrey knew he was lying. He could see it in her face. It was fairly obvious his hand had been stepped on, there was the dirty imprint of a shoe on the back of it. Still she took it very gently and turned it over to see the bloody scrape. “Well now see this is something I can fully fix.” She said quietly. “Come over and sit and I’ll get my wand.”

Remus followed after Pomfrey, sitting down on the edge of a bed and holding out his hand for her.

“I see you got your Gryffindor tie.” The witch said with a smile as she came and sat down on a stool across from Remus.

“I did.” Remus said with an eager grin. “I knew I would. But the hat wanted to put me in Ravenclaw, and then Slytherin, but I knew I was a Gryffindor.”

“Stubborn enough to be one.” Pomfrey said before holding her wand above Remus’ hand and giving it a flick. The healing spell tingled as it moved over his skin, but soon enough his hand was all better.

“You can always come to me if people are giving you trouble, Remus.” Madam Pomfrey said. “You don’t need to walk around with cuts and bruises on you, dear.”

Remus shrugged. “I’m used to it. It doesn’t hurt so bad. Lily made me come.”

Madam Pomfrey glanced over to where Lily was standing near the door, waiting for Remus. “Well that's good then. It's good to have friends to watch over you, isn’t it? You should get her a little Valentine as a thank you.”

Remus tilted his head curiously. “Valentine?” Perhaps Madam Pomfrey would give him the answers to what exactly everyone was celebrating.

Madam Pomfrey shifted and grabbed a potion and turned back to Remus. He knew what it was. She had moved him past vitamins and to a more robust potion. It tasted funny but she assured him it was going to make him grow up big and strong.

“We give Valentine’s to the ones that are important to us on February 14th. I think your friend Lily would like it if you gave her a flower or something.”

Remus mused over this as he swallowed down the potion. “It sounds like Christmas.” He informed her.

Madam Pomfrey chuckled. “A bit like it, I suppose. But it's very focused on your best relationships. The ones you truly love and care for. When you’re young it's a day to celebrate your dearest friendships, when you’re a bit older it gets a bit more than that.”

Remus had no idea what that meant, but he understood the gist of what Madam Pomfrey was saying. “Okay so what gifts do I give people? I don’t have anything or any money or...Anything.”

“Well I always love to get a nice handmade card. My Valentine writes me a nice letter every year and I have them all saved up. Whenever I have a bad day I can read them and they make me happy. I am quite looking forward to my letter tomorrow.”

Remus mused over this. He had plenty of parchment and things. He could certainly write a few Valentine’s up. Not that his writing was very good, but it would be nice to thank the Marauders and Lily too. Actually he should make one for Madam Pomfrey too since she had given him so much already.

“Here.” Madam Pomfrey stood and walked over to her office, she gestured for Remus to follow and he hovered outside the door waiting for her to return. She handed him a bottle of ink and his eyes went wide with delight as he noticed it was bright red. He only had the black ink that Professor McGonagall had given him.

“I can have this?” He asked, looking at the healer eagerly.

She nodded “Red is the color for Valentine’s Day. You’ll need that for your little notes. Go on now, don’t keep your friend waiting.”

Remus nodded and tucked the ink into his pocket. “Thank you!”

He quickly headed back over to Lily. She once again linked arms with him and towed him towards the Great Hall. “We don’t want to miss out on lunch, yeah?”

“Uhuh” Remus said and his stomach let out a loud growl. The Great Hall was absolutely one of his favorite places in the castle. The first breakfast that he had gone down to sit with his friends he had spent the entire time craning his neck upwards to stare at the sky, mindlessly eating toast and admiring the ceiling. And then of course there was the food itself!

The food just never ran out. He could eat as much as he wanted and there was always more food. He had lived his entire life knowing that food was finite and precious. Sometimes The Owner wouldn’t feed him for days. No teacher had ever stopped him or scolded him for taking too much. Now that he was given free reign to eat he devoured. The wolf was always hungry, gnawing inside him and howling for sustenance. He began eating large meals with multiple servings. His friends seemed stunned by how much he could put away, but he wasn’t too concerned with that. 

Even better; James ate with his hands sometimes. When Remus had sat with Peter and Sirius they used the cutlery and Remus thought the stuff was utterly pointless. What was the point of using stuff to grab and tear when hands could do that perfectly well? James seemed to understand him perfectly though and Remus found he was quite comfortable sitting down with the other boy at meals.They got funny looks, but when they were together they had solidarity. He hadn’t eaten with anyone besides his roommates though and he balked a bit when Lily towed him over to where a group of girls were sitting. Lily sat down and Remus hesitated slightly before sitting down beside her.

“This is my friend Remus.” Lily said easily. “Remus, this is Mary and Dorcas.”

Remus looked between the two girls and gave a simple nod. This was a lot to take in. Two new people at once? And all of them focused on him. Mary leaned forward, resting her forearms on the table and smiling.

“How did you get your scars?”

“Mary!” Lily said, and she must have kicked Mary under the table because the other girl winced.

Remus rubbed a hand on the scar on his cheek. How many times had he been asked that lately? It was getting annoying. He heaved out a sigh. “I can never get the Lumos charm right.” He said with a roll of his eyes. “Explodes on me.”

There was a pause as the girls stared at him, and then Lily burst into laughter, followed quickly by the others. Lily nudged him with a grin. “I didn’t know you were a jokester, Remus.” She teased

Remus was relieved that it had come off well and he grinned and shrugged. “I dorm with James. He wears off on you.”

Lily snorted, “Well I thought it was good.”

“Sorry for asking.” Mary said apologetically. “I guess it's kind of rude. I think you look rather dashing with them. Like a pirate.”

“Okay.” Remus said, having absolutely no idea what a pirate was. Probably a magical creature, he would look it up later.

“How come you’re only starting school now, are you way behind or what?” Mary continued and Remus decided she must be the James of this particular group. There was no filter and she was exceptionally bold.

“I get sick a lot.” He said, fumbling through the lie. “And so I am starting late, but I’m a Gryffindor.”

He felt the need to say it. He didn’t think these girls would care but he just needed to prove it again and again that he was in this house. Lily reached for his hand under the table and squeezed it gently and he gave her a grateful little smile but took his hand away. It felt a bit odd to have someone besides Sirius hold his hand, though Lily’s hand was incredibly soft.

“Welcome to Gryffindor.” Mary said with a bright smile. “We can always use more Lions! Especially in the Quidditch stands! Oh I am so annoyed that Ravenclaw had a better cheer section than us last game.”

Dorcas rolled her eyes. “But we still won, Mary.”

Mary shook her head dramatically “Did we though? Did we? It is a failing on those of us not on the pitch that our cheers didn’t rock those birds to their core!”

“I didn’t go to the game. Too windy.” Lily said with a shrug. Mary whipped her head over

“Traitor!”

Dorcas laughed and gently shoved Mary’s elbow. Remus noticed now that Dorcas was wearing the boy’s style uniform and he hadn’t known that was allowed. He blinked and leaned forward a bit. Yes, definitely trousers.

“Hey.” He heard a snap and looked up to see Dorcas looking at him with narrow eyes. “Why’re you staring at my lap?”

“Oh.” Remus blinked. Was that impolite? “You've got pants. Not a skirt.”

“So?” Dorcas bristled and Remus got the feeling he had done something wrong.

“Leave him be, Cas.” Mary said, bumping her shoulder into Dorcas’ lightly. “He’s not ogling you.”

Remus blushed bright red and shook his head furiously. “No! No, I just didn't know you could wear other uniforms like that!”

Dorcas kept her eyes narrowed but nodded. “You can if you convince the Administration to let you. I don’t like skirts.”

Remus nodded a bit. “That makes sense. I wouldn’t want to wear a skirt either. Too much leg. I think dresses and those long robes look cozy though.”

Dorcas seemed surprised for a minute and then she smiled brightly and she had such a nice smile. “Sweet. Yeah. Sorry for being a bit standoffish. People are judgy about the pants sometimes.”

“That's okay.” Remus shrugged. “People are judgy about the scars sometimes.”

It was easy then with the girls. They fell into happy conversations about classes and Remus could participate. He couldn’t quite hold his own, they knew so much, but he was able to add in that he was enjoying charms and that potions was wildly confusing and incredibly smelly.

“You should have Lily tutor you.” Mary said “She’s brilliant at it. She helped me get down the Forgetfulness potion which I kept burning.”

Lily blushed “It's just following a recipe. It's like baking. If you follow the recipe it all goes right.”

“What's baking?” Remus asked “Is that another class? I don’t think I’ve been going to that one.”

There was a beat of silence where the girls stared at him and he knew he had said something odd again. He remembered Dumbledore telling him that if he was found out there wouldn’t be much the Headmaster could do to keep him here. He wanted to shrink down and shut up.

“Baking.” Mary frowned at him in confusion. “You know? Like making biscuits or cakes or things like that?”

“Oh. Ha. Right.” Remus said quickly. “I don’t do much...baking.”

Lily jumped in then, smiling at him. “It's fine, Remus. I do way more baking than the average person. My sister Petunia and I run a little cake stand every summer. But I think that's why I’m good at potions. It's all very precise, you see? That's how my friend Severus describes it.”

Mary groaned slightly. “Oh please let's not talk about him. He gets on my nerves so much in that class.”

Remus had to agree. His few encounters with the Slytherin boy hadn’t gone very good so far. He had sneered in disgust at Remus when they had arrived outside of Potions at the same time on Remus’ first day. He’d grimaced at his scars and then he had glared at Remus when Remus had accidentally bumped his cauldron and messed up his potion. It had been a complete accident but it didn’t help that James had gotten a kick out of it. He was surprised that Lily was friends with him. He seemed so vastly different from his new friend. Lily was maybe a bit like James then, friends with everyone.

“Maybe you could teach me some potions. Sirius does but-”

“You have Black teaching you potions?! No wonder you’re not doing good! His cauldron explodes every other class!” Mary said with a laugh. “Oh darling, no absolutely not. You need Lily.”

Remus swallowed. He thought Sirius was amazing at potions really. He’d made the sleeping draught. Still he knew that Sirius was stubbornly sabotaging each and every potion to piss his parents off. Remus thought it was a little silly, he would have loved to be effortlessly good at something like that.

“I’ll help you, Remus.” Lily said brightly.

“Thanks, I’d like that.” he murmured just as lunch began to finish up.

*  *  *

Remus hadn’t sat with him. Sirius was feeling a tiny bit sulky that his friend had sat over with Lily and the other girls. James had been absolutely beside himself with jealousy.

“How do you think he did it?” James asked, viciously elbowing into Sirius' side and leaning forward to look down the long Gryffindor table.

“No idea.” Sirius shrugged. “Lily met Remus on the train though, remember? She probably recognized him.”

“They’re laughing.” James said, halfway out of his seat.

Peter hauled James back down firmly onto the bench. “Leave them be. Moony can have other friends besides us.” He said

“Yes but girls, Peter!” James said. “Lily Evans!”

Peter stuck his tongue out at James. “Don’t be jealous because Remus got her friendship in a day and you’ve been trying all year.”

James groaned. “She’s just so hard to read,” he said dramatically. Peter and Sirius shared a look; Lily Evans wasn’t a bit enigmatic at all really. Intimidating, sure, but not mysterious.

“Moony is just nice.” Sirius said “Are you really surprised they want to be friends with him?”

James groaned. “No, not surprised. He is nice. Funny, but nice.”

Sirius scrunched his nose up. “I just hope he acts a little bit normal.” He admitted lightly. 

Sirius had spent the last few days utterly terrified of each and every faux pas Remus made. Most of the time Remus barely even noticed that people gave him odd looks for some of the things he did. Sirius was worried beyond belief that somehow those weird eccentricities of his friend would add up in someone's mind and equal werewolf. He didn’t know how they would though, he was just being paranoid.

It was just that Remus said and did things sometimes that normal boys didn’t do. It had become startlingly clear to everyone that he was definitely uneducated. Sirius didn’t miss the way people laughed at Remus behind his back when he asked his eager but naïve questions. He also didn’t miss when Remus would slip his feet from his shoes and socks in the library and sit about barefoot. Remus still hadn’t broken the habit of sniffing things either and Sirius wanted to groan every time he did it in classes. He was sure other people noticed him as well. Sirius hated to think about it but his best friend was a little bit weird and a lot wild. He stuck out when he really needed to blend in.

Even the way Remus moved was different. He was always sort of hunched over, like he was ready to go to all fours at any moment. Sirius winced as he watched Remus stand up with the girls and his friend just looked lanky and awkward. He was scratching at his cheek scar again and Sirius sighed. Moony was never going to look normal in the middle of Hogwarts, was he? At least Lily and the other girls didn’t seem to mind.

James gasped loudly as Lily linked arms with Remus. “What?!”

“Maybe they are Valentines.” Peter said curiously, munching on some bread with copious amounts of jam on it. “Though Lily walks like that with Severus too.”

“Valentines?” James said, standing up and grabbing his books. “We’re not supposed to have Valentines! We’re only first years! That's for the older students, being all gross and mushy.”

Peter shrugged as he licked the jam off his fingers. “Moony is taller than all of us though, right?”

“What's that got to do with anything?” Sirius asked, craning his neck to try and see Remus and Lily from afar.

“He’s tall. He’s got cool scars. He’s nice.” Peter listed all these things off on his hand as the trio of young boys began to leave the Great Hall and walk towards their next class. “Sure he’s a bit odd but remember we were talking about bad boys? He’s kind of like that right? Besides, girls love all that Valentine's stuff.”

James groaned and kicked his foot against the ground. “Yeah but we’re first years!”

Sirius frowned “Yeah it seems like a waste of time to me too.”

Peter rolled his eyes. “Stop being a pair of prats. Moony deserves to have some fun, the more people who give him chocolate tomorrow the better, right? He’ll love that.”

Sirius looked over at Peter and gave his friend a light shove. “You’re a sap, Pettigrew. But you’re right. Speaking of which...Is our hiding spot still good?”

James gave a thumbs up. “Still good. His werewolf nose hasn’t noticed it yet.”

Peter grimaced “Still sort of gross to hide it all under your sweaty shirts, James.”

James shrugged. “It's super wrapped up! Besides, how else were we going to keep it from him? He smells out everything.”

Sirius giggled. “I still think it's funny he walks in the room and makes a big arc around your trunk of clothes. I for one will be happy when tomorrow is over and you can finally do your laundry, Potter.”

*  *  *

Remus was quite proud of the way his Valentines ended up looking. Perhaps his words were not all spelled correctly but he thought it would get the point across. The ink was drying now and he was heating up his little wax bowl to prepare to seal them. He’d gone to the library to write them all up and it was nearly curfew. It had taken him a long time, carefully forming the words with his quill with his tongue stuck carefully between his lips. Writing the letter S with a quill was hard and Sirius’ Valentine had ended up with a lot of ink splotches on it. It was fine though, his friend would still like it.

Once the wax was hot he carefully folded and sealed them all. He had borrowed the seal from Sirius so it was a little bit odd to seal the Valentines with the Black Family Crest but he didn’t have a wax seal of his own yet. He wanted these to be nice and fancy and whenever his friends got mail from home it always seemed like they were closed with wax.

He held the Valentine’s out in front of himself, very proud of his work. Now he just needed to write everyone’s names on the outside and it would be perfect! He bent over and carefully began to spell out everyone’s names. This was important to him. Even if the words inside were spelled wrong he had been so desperate to get these right. He’d carefully looked inside each of his friend’s spellbooks and memorized the name written on the front flap.

He held his breath as he wrote each out, and when he was done he heaved out a sigh. There. They would know that he tried, that he was so grateful for them, and that they were important to him. He blew softly against Sirius’ Valentine to get the ink to dry. The red settled into the parchment all ruby and pretty, drying down darker than it looked in the bottle. He gathered up his Valentine’s and carefully tucked them into his robe. Now he was just as eager as the rest of the school for the big day tomorrow.

*  *  *

Sirius and the other Marauders woke up early on Valentine’s Day. Though there wasn’t quite as much at stake in this day as there was for older students, it was still the first holiday they were getting to spend together and that made it exciting. It was fun to see Hogwarts decked out in hearts and roses even if Sirius thought it was all a bit much. He didn’t have any interest in the hand holding or the kissing or all that love junk that the rest of the school seemed to be enamored with. Even James was a bit dreamy eyed over the romance aspect of it, which Peter and Sirius teased him about. Moony was, well, Moony; and didn’t seem a bit concerned about the holiday at all. That was until they hit breakfast and his nose shot up in the air and Sirius grinned at his sniffing.

“I bet they have sweets even for breakfast.” He said with a smile at Remus.

“Why?” Remus asked, already heading over to sit at their usual spot.

“It's part of Valentine’s. Lots of sweets. Cakes and cookies and things.”

Remus slapped his hand down hard on the table, making James and Peter jump. “Is that why everyone at this school has been losing their minds this past week?” He asked all aghast.

“Well Moony no-” Peter started, but James elbowed him hard in the side.

Sirius was glad for it because Remus’ misunderstanding of the holiday was so very Remus, and it was also incredibly endearing. Peter seemed to catch on to what James and he had already seen. Remus’ eyes were shining as he sat down on the bench as he began to craft his usual tower of food.

Sirius shot a little look over to James and gave him a thumbs up. James reached into his robe and pulled out the massive box of chocolates the three of them had purchased as a gift for Remus. They’d gotten Andromeda to pick it up for them on her last trip to Hogsmeade. She’d done as they asked; getting them the biggest and most colorful box of chocolates there was. Remus’ eyes widened into saucers as he saw the box and likely smelled the box. For the past week it had been wrapped up in a set of robes and stuffed at the bottom of James’ laundry to disguise the smell from their keen-scented friend. Now James grinned and lifted the lid of the carton and slid it over to Remus.

“Happy Valentine's Day, Moony. From all of us.”

Sirius grinned and slung an arm about Remus’ shoulders. “Happy Valentines! We wanted your first holiday at Hogwarts to be a good one.”

Remus stared between the three of them. “Madam Pomfrey lied to me.” Remus informed them all solemnly.

Sirius, not expecting this response at all, burst into laughter against his friend’s shoulder. “What does that mean, Moony?”

Remus looked all distressed and pulled out a bunch of letters from his robes. “She said Valentine's Day was about writing notes to the people you care about! She didn’t tell me it was a holiday all about chocolate.”

James grinned and slid the box over. “It's most definitely a holiday all about chocolate.”

“Then why don’t they just call it that!” Remus said, completely fed up with wizarding nonsense. He angrily stuffed a chocolate into his mouth and chewed on it stubbornly. “Just call it Chocolate day.” He said, speaking past the sweet in his mouth. “Not Valentines!”

The other marauders couldn’t help but giggle at their werewolf friend’s misunderstanding of the entire holiday. It didn’t matter though. Chocolate day was a better idea than Valentines. Sirius watched as Remus loaded his plate with pancakes and syrup and topped it with another piece of chocolate. He still had his arm about his friend’s shoulder as his brain caught up with him.

“Wait.” He grinned “Moony, did you write us Valentines?”

Remus blushed and shrugged “Its stupid now. I didn’t know I was supposed to give chocolates. Madam Pomfrey told me so. Maybe cause I said I didn’t have any money.”

“Its not stupid!” James said excitedly. “I want my Valentine!”

Remus glanced up at his friends “You don’t care that I didn’t buy you chocolates?”

Peter shrugged. “No. I’ve never gotten a proper Valentine's note before.”

“Me neither.” Sirius said

“I’ve only gotten them from my mum.” James concurred.

Remus hesitated before tugging three pieces of parchment from his robes and handing them out. “Sorry they are so messy. The spelling is wrong too. I had to use Sirius’ seal also. It's not as good as chocolate.”

Sirius had already popped his little letter open, ignoring the Black Family seal that usually meant bad things for him. Inside was a short and simple letter, and yet it was still the nicest letter he had ever received. Remus’ handwriting was sloppy and large and uneven, but Sirius could see the care and the thought that went into it.

Sirius,

Thank for bein my best friend. You are smart and cool. I think. We will be friends for ever. Happy to be in Griffindoor with you. Thank for saving me. I care about you.

Remus,

It was written in red ink and filled with misspellings and ink blotches and it was wonderful. The most wonderful thing. Sirius had never before gotten a letter in which someone said that they cared for him. All the letters he received were scathing hatreds from his mother or stern warnings from his father. Sometimes Regulus would write to him, before their fight, but even his little brother had never written out those words so plainly.

“Moony…” He whispered softly.

Remus looked embarrassed and stood. “I need to go deliver my other Valentines.” He declared before loping off in his wolf like manner.

Sirius folded his Valentine back up and tucked it into his robe over his heart. He was going to keep it forever. It erased all other bad horrible letters he had ever received.

“His writing is terrible.” Peter said, smiling down at his letter. He had a rosy tint to his round cheeks though. “When do you think he worked on these?”

“Who knows?” James said, carefully folding his own letter and patting it fondly before slipping it into his robe. “But yeah he really needs to start working with that tutor.”

Sirius snorted. He could tell both his friends were doing the same thing he himself was doing, trying to not get overly emotional about their werewolf Valentines. Moony did things so genuinely and so very perfunctory. None of the other boys had thought about writing sweet notes but Moony hadn’t questioned it, just did it. Sirius thought maybe there was something lovely about that. Sirius had been taught not to wear his heart on his sleeve as it wasn’t manly. He wished now he had the simple words to tell his new friends how much he too cared for them.

“Wait.” James was suddenly standing. “He is giving a Valentine to Lily! And a flower!”

Peter leaned back with a cackle, holding his middle as he erupted into laughter. Sirius wasn’t far behind in the laughter as they all watched Remus naively giving Lily Evans a Valentine and a flower, which of course had all the girls talking for the rest of the day. Lily was the only first year girl to receive a flower from a boy, after all! It was big news! Remus had no idea what he had done to cause such drama.

“It was only a flower.” He would snap later while sitting cross legged on the dorm floor, munching on more chocolates from his fancy box. “Honestly, everyone at this school is absurd.”

Sirius would reach out a hand and ruffle up Remus’ curls. “Never change, Moony.”

Chapter Text

“I’m going to die.” Remus said quietly, staring out at the drizzle keeping up outside.

Sirius laughed and nudged him lightly. “Don’t let James hear you say that. He’s so excited.”

Remus lifted a hand and rubbed it over his face and Sirius thought the action was very old looking for an eleven year old. Remus managed to look dramatic and world-weary and Sirius grinned at his antics.

“I’m not going to like this, Sirius.”

“You never know! Flying is a blast!”

“It looks like a very specific form of torture. I like my feet on the ground.”

“Okay sure, but don’t you want to sample the air with those inquisitive toes of yours too?”

Remus shot him a wry look and shook his head. “A werewolf has no business whizzing through the air on a twig.”

Sirius snorted. “Brooms are safe, Moony. Wizards have been flying for centuries. You’re going to be fine. If you fall then Madam Pomfrey will help.”

Remus glowered and started forward into the drizzle. Sirius followed after his friend. He had to admit that it wasn’t the best day for Remus’ first flight to take place, but it had to happen at some point. Remus had been attending classes ever since he had gotten released from the infirmary a week or so ago, and he had been doing so with determination and dedication. Sirius was impressed with how much his friend was able to focus. Remus was always in class asking questions and out of class he was reading everything he could get his hands on. His appetite for education seemed as voracious as his appetite in the great hall. That appetite, however, did not extend to the required flying class that all first years were supposed to take. Remus had not shown up to a single class and the Professor who had been told about the new student, was quite angry with each passing day.

Remus made all sorts of excuses to the other marauders but it had quickly become obvious that their friend was terrified at the idea of flying. It didn’t make sense for their academically motivated friend to be so casually failing an entire class, unless he was motivated by fear. Sirius had been the one to tug James aside days ago and suggest that maybe they try and get Moony on a broom outside of class. James, of course, had been easily persuaded and thrilled. Since then their exuberant friend had only been chattering about how fun it was going to be getting to teach Remus to fly and how great it was that all four of them would whizz about the grounds together. When they had woken up this morning to find a rainy day they had not been able to persuade James to change it.

“Moony is getting on a broom today.” James had said resolutely “And he is going to love it! The first werewolf to fly directly to the moon and fight it!”

Remus had just heaved a sigh from under his covers, but he had gotten up and joined them all. Now he and Sirius were walking down the narrow muddy track that led to where James and Peter had already been setting up. Their friends were already drenched and somehow Peter had mud up his side already. James' usually wild hair was plastered down against his face, but his smile was sunny enough for the day.

“Moony!” James exploded over to them, wrapping Remus up in a tight eager hug. “You’re going to love it. We’ll convince you to join the team after today! Me as seeker, Sirius as beater, and you can be our chaser. You’re going to be tall enough for it.”

Remus looked pale and just gave a nervous nod. “Let's just get this over with.” He begged.

James seemed entirely oblivious to the fact that Remus was scared. He just bounced over to where Peter had his arms full of training brooms, stolen by use of the invisibility cloak from the practice sheds. He grabbed two and passed them to Remus and Sirius. Sirius looked over apologetically at Remus who was clutching the broom in his hands and looking pale and shaky.

“It’s going to be fine.” He whispered over to his friend. “Just go slow.”

Remus gave a nervous little nod and Sirius almost wished he had begged them both off due to the rain. James stood with his hands on his hips and a big grin.

“Alright, class!” He said, puffing out his chest. “Let's get started. So these brooms are your standard sort of kit. A basic solid oak with twig thatch at the ends. These aren’t anything fancy but they are sturdy and great for learning. When you straddle your broom you want to do so here at the midpoint. There is a cushioning charm there to protect your bits.” He gave them all a dramatic wink. “Precious cargo.”

Remus’ shoulders slumped more. “Is there going to be a cushioning charm on the ground?” He said desperately.

James laughed and shook his head. “No way! Part of the fun of flying is having a decent tumble every now and again! Not from too far, mind, but it's kinda fun!”

“James-” Peter tried to cut in, elbowing their enthusiastic friend to shut up.

“Actually doing that above the lake would be the best!” James continued, fully oblivious to Remus’ horror “Zooming over the lake and dropping in from above? Great fun, I bet. Course you have to be good at Accio to get your broom back. We’ll try that once it's warm out.”

“Right.” Remus said, his voice warbling and Sirius winced at how pale his face had gotten.

“Anyways, that's beside the point right now.” James babbled, stepping forward to Remus. Sirius watched as James showed Remus how to get his broom to come up, how to mount it, and how to hover a bit off the ground.

Sirius admired how James was handling all this. Sure, he never really stopped chattering as he taught Remus, but his hands were very steady and his enthusiasm and encouragement seemed to be unending. Remus seemed to have his eyes focused on James’ face, nodding stoically as James explained how to keep balance and not tip forward. Though Remus was hovering his long legs were still reaching all the way to the ground. Sirius did a double take, wondering when exactly Moony had ditched his shoes. 

“Here, get your legs up a bit.” James said, ever so patient with his unwilling student. Remus wobbled from side to side the second his feet lifted off the ground.

“James!” His voice came out in a shrill panic as he rose a foot into the air.

James laughed and steadied Remus’ knees gently. “You’re alright, Moony. Lean forward a bit? There you are. See? Not so bad. Just float there, get used to the balance of it.”

Sirius easily hopped onto his own broom and moved up alongside Remus. “If you feel like you’re going to tip, tip into my side.” Sirius said gently.

He’d done this with Regulus when they were younger. Sirius had gotten his first broom when he was five. It had been a gift from some uncle or other. Maybe Alphard? He hadn’t cared who gave it to him as a child. He’d just been thrilled to have it. Once he had proven adept at it he had been getting a broom every year. When Regulus had gotten his first broom it had been Sirius who had taught him. Side by side in the back garden then had gone about in cautious circles, Reg leaning against him slightly until he got a hang of it. Reg had soon been zipping around faster than Sirius. His brother had a knack for laying low to the broom and shooting ahead. Sirius was more wide sweeps and bold moves.

Remus leaned slightly into his side and Sirius reached out to tap his knuckles. “Don’t grip so tight, Moony. You need to loosen up. Easier to steer that way.”

Remus made a strangled little noise, not like his usual growly grumbles at all. This one was more like a whimper.

“I’ll get on the other side.” Peter decided, swinging onto his broom and steadying Remus’ other side.

“Brilliant.” James said with a laugh before getting onto his broom. He hovered in front of them and began talking, still using his hands. “So I’m going to fly a bit ahead. Remus you try to follow me. We’ll stay at this height and go at a slow speed. Yeah?”

“Okay.” Remus managed.

However they didn’t move when James moved. James was partway across the field before Sirius finally felt Remus move. He shared a look with Peter as their friend began to move forward, slow and jerky in his movements. Remus wobbled, bumping against their shoulders, but not falling thanks to their bolstering. Sirius was grateful for Peter on the other side because helping Moony learn to fly was a bit like dealing with a very timid jumping bean.

“Doing great, Moony.” Sirius said as they made it about five feet in five minutes. James had finally turned about and noticed they had barely made it anywhere. He zipped back to them, breaking easily. Remus flopped heavily into Sirius' side.

“Have I done it? Have I flown?” He begged and Sirius hugged an arm around his friend.

“Sort of, Moony.” Sirius said with a shrug. “We might want to try going a little bit faster. You’ll have to in class.”

Remus groaned and hung his head forward. James reached out a hand and gently patted the top of his head. “We’ll have a nice warm cuppa once we’re inside, yeah?”

Remus gave a halfhearted thumbs up and this time when they tried again the boy managed to putter on at a slightly faster speed. Sirius knew it wouldn’t impress anyone but still he was proud of his friend for managing to get as far as the end of the field they were flying on. James had them go up another foot into the air and Sirius and Peter were instructed to move half a foot away from Remus. Now when he wobbled he had space to correct himself. More than a few times his arm shot out to the side and gripped onto Sirius’ shoulder. Still Remus was improving. Each pass of the field they got slightly higher and farther apart.

It was a bit boring for Sirius who was used to flying with ease. After a few hours they were still only ten feet off the ground, but now he and Peter were not being used as bumpers any longer. Remus had even managed to pick up the pace. Slightly. The rain had slowed down to occasional drizzles, but every so often the sun would peak through the clouds. It was still cold though. Peter had had the sense to put a warming charm he’d learned on their hands (And Moony’s feet) and that helped.

“I think that's good enough to make it through class next week, yeah?” James asked Remus, easily floating there. Remus gave such a sigh of relief that his broom dipped down and he yelped and gripped it tighter. Sirius couldn’t help but laugh and when Moony glared at him he stuck his tongue out at his friend.

“I don’t think werewolves are known for their grace.” Sirius quipped.

He expected a stubborn retort back from Remus but instead his friend just eased down towards the ground. Or, he tried to ease, but of course now was when he moved with too much speed.

“Oi!” James yelled as the trio watched Remus gain speed towards the ground. “Slow down! We didn’t practice land-”

They all winced as Remus tried to break. Rather than slowing down his broom stopped entirely, tossing him off. The three boys watched Remus do a rather dramatic slide across the muddy field. Remus flopped onto his back, his long hair in a puddle, and stared up at the sky. Sirius flew over, peering down at his friend.

“What were you saying about werewolves being graceful?” Remus deadpanned “Because I think that was quite a fantastical trick if I say so myself.”

Sirius bent over his broom laughing down at his mud-soaked friend. He was glad Remus was alright, if a bit sodden, but they really hadn’t been high up. Sirius looked up as he heard a loud whoop in time to see James barreling towards him. James, a ball of endless energy, hit him hard from the side and they both went tumbling through the air and then into the ground. Sirius found himself laughing as they slid across the slick grass and mud. There was enough cushion from the hours of rain that falling like this didn’t hurt. They slipped and slid along and when they came to a stop side by side they were covered head to toe in mud.

“You goof!” Sirius laughed, tackling James and pressing his face down into the mud briefly.

He should have known that Peter would come to James’ defense and Sirius had barely started wrestling with Potter before he was being hauled backwards by Peter. Peter was the shortest of them but his barrel chest and thicker arms and legs meant he was stronger than his three counterparts. Sirius was still quite slim and scrappy and Peter could easily get him in a headlock. Sirius felt the splat of mud on his hair and then Peter rubbing it in furiously. Sirius made a scandalized noise before managing to get his leg around Peter’s and bring him down. Then it was all three of them laughing and rolling and wrestling about in the mud.

Nobody won, of course. Whenever someone would get the upper hand they would inevitably slip and fall. Sirius flopped breathlessly onto his side and looked up to see Remus approaching them, holding his broom and looking slightly amused.

James, Peter, and Sirius were hardly recognizable from the mud covering them. Remus, despite his fall, was still rather clean. James seemed to have the same exact thought as Sirius and he could see the sly grin spreading on the other boy’s face. Sirius and James moved as one, surging forward and grabbing onto Remus’ slim waist and tackling him to the mud.

“Hey!” Remus shrieked. “No! Don’t bring me into your nonsense!”

It was far too late for that though. The weather only seemed to encourage them as well. There was a massive crack of thunder and suddenly the sky opened up, pouring down water on them. It was late February and the rain was nearly freezing, turning the mud to a slushy cold mix. For the boys it was fun though, and young boys are never quite concerned with the health and safety aspect of having a good time. 

Remus, it turned out, had a deadly aim with a mud ball. While the other boys wrestled and roughed about he managed to lob clumps of mud with brutal accuracy, smacking into their heads again and again. If anyone won the battle it would have been the werewolf who, despite his skinny frame, managed to stay upright more than all the other boys. Sirius was beginning to think maybe there was something to Remus being barefoot and having a good grip on the ground.

When Peter started sneezing it became time to go in. James had experience with Accio so he called in all the brooms and the Marauders draped their arms about each other's shoulders and slogged back towards the castle. They made it inside and Sirius let out a pleased sigh at the warm blast of air that greeted them as they walked inside. The warmth about his face and ears made him realize just how cold he had been.

“Too bad we don’t know a good drying spell yet.” James mused as he looked down at his messy robes. “Okay here's the plan. We all go change and shower and then we eat a huge massive dinner and then play Exploding Snap by the fire.”

“I’m down.” Sirius said with a huge yawn. “What do we do with the brooms?”

James shrugged. “Bet we could just ditch them here, I’m sure they will make their way back out to the Quidditch sheds somehow.”

The four boys certainly got their fair share of looks as they made the massive climb up to Gryffindor Tower. They left wet muddy footprints in their wake as they walked. Sirius found himself lagging behind ever so slightly, yawning and exhausted from the cold. He looked up to see James slinging an arm around Remus’ shoulders and pulling the taller boy down lower, laughing at something Remus was saying. He thought seeing his friends together was the best. It made his chest fill with a tight warmth that he didn’t really understand at all. He felt this warmth sometimes when Regulus would lose himself in laughter, letting out snorts and breaking his formal shell. It was a rare and fleeting thing for Sirius usually, but with the Marauders it had become more and more frequent.

It was the same sensation as when he curled up in his four poster bed up in the dorm, cozy and safe. The same feeling as lying on his back in the common room and listening to Bowie and bobbing his head along. It was far different from anything he felt when at Grimmauld Place. He thought the feeling was of safety, of knowing he was home. When he looked at James turning to Peter and eagerly repeating Remus’ joke, he saw his brothers. His brothers laughing together with their arms around each other. He stopped walking and watched the three of them moving away from him. The further they walked, the more hollow he felt. He realized that in a few months these three had become more dear to him than anyone else in his life. He didn’t feel this for his mother or his father or even his cousins. He felt this only for Regulus, and for these three boys. 

“Sirius!” James had turned and was yelling down the hallway towards him. “Hurry up!”

Sirius nodded and grinned, taking a few eager steps forward.

“Sirius.” Another voice said from behind him. He turned his head to see Bellatrix standing there. Her hair was half up and her lips were painted a dramatic deep shade of red today. He glanced back down the hall towards his friends. James had seen and was quickly heading back towards him.

“Hi Bella.” Sirius said, his voice cautious. His cousin had her slim arms crossed over her chest and she looked angry with him.

“What are you doing covered in filth?” She snapped, taking a step towards him. “Aunt Walburga wouldn’t want you ruining your school robes like that.”

“The house elves will clean them.” Sirius said quietly, his confidence and happiness dropping down away from him. All the warmth left him. All the safety was gone when faced with his real blood family.

“It's undignified for the Heir of the Family Black to be rolling about in the muck like a pig.” Bellatrix said, her eyes narrowing. She still looked beautiful, despite her rage, and Sirius knew her beauty was part of her power. “Especially with such rabble.”

Sirius turned his head to see that his friends had caught back up to him. Bellatrix was glaring at Remus especially, her eyes clearly taking in his secondhand robes and his scarred face.

“Leave him alone.” Remus said, stepping up alongside Sirius and gripping onto his arm.

“Or what? Little mudblood. You’re not fit to touch him.” Bellatrix said, stepping forward and pulling her wand. “You should respect your betters.”

Remus stepped forward in front of Sirius with a growl and Sirius reached to grab him back, but Moony stood firm. Bellatrix’s wand was now between Remus’ eyes, pressing its curved length into his forehead. Sirius felt sick even seeing it. 

“I said leave him alone.” Remus repeated, and his voice sounded dangerous.

Bellatrix laughed. Remus, despite his bravado, didn’t cut a very intimidating figure. He was tall for his age, but string-thin, and currently dripping with mud. Nothing about him screamed ‘danger.’

“Adorable.” Bellatrix cooed, pressing her wand harder against Remus’ forehead. “Sirius, I didn’t know you were using this pitiful excuse for a wizard as a shield. Still he is beneath your standing. He needs to be put in his place.”

Sirius did yank Remus back now, terrified of what Bella might do to his friend. She had raised her wand against him several times and he knew that nothing would stop her from sending Remus to the infirmary.

“Just leave me alone, Bellatrix.” He snapped. “You’re not my keeper!”

Bella tilted her head and gave him that offbeat smile again and stared at him for several long moments. “Have a lovely night, Sirius.” She said before turning on her heel and walking smoothly away. Sirius watched her go knowing that this wasn’t the end of this. She had left far too quickly for him to feel safe. He imagined tomorrow he would receive a letter from his mother. 

He felt an arm wrap about his shoulders and he smiled gratefully at James. Remus’ hand was linked with his own. His brothers towed him back to Gryffindor Tower, Peter giving the password and making sure no one stopped them on their way. Sirius just let them guide him. He was feeling shaky and unsure of himself and his brain kept telling him he shouldn’t have upset Bellatrix. Remus’ hand was tight in his own though, and protecting him was worth upsetting his family for.

He heard the shower running and James’ arm was gone. He hadn’t noticed him leave. He laid his head on Remus’ shoulder and closed his eyes. At least now he felt safe. He didn’t argue when his friends gently pushed him to the bathroom to be the first one to indulge in the hot shower. The hot water pouring on his shoulders brought him slowly back to reality, his breathing steadied, and he finally felt like Sirius again.

Chapter Text

“Again, Mr. Black?” Slughorn said with a heavy sigh as Sirius’ cauldron smoldered, stinking up the whole classroom.

Sirius shrugged and flashed a cheeky grin. “Sorry Professor! Next time I’ll get it!”

“Next time.” Slughorn said, a bit disappointed. “Always next time, my boy. Well, get to scrubbing. I dare say you know what to do with that.”

Sirius nodded and tipped his cauldron to scrub with far more cheer than was necessary. He had spent all of February scrubbing cauldrons for detention, and now it was into March. He was on a roll of dramatic potion failures. It had become a bit of a game now, to make each failure more grand and impressive than the last. This one had shot up a column of hazy red smoke that was still drifting about the upper reaches of the classroom. It always entertained James and hearing that raucous snorting laugh was well worth it.

“Oh Remus, you’re looking a bit green about the gills!” Slughorn said, moving along to the next table.

“I’ll be fine, Professor.” Sirius heard Remus saying quickly. 

He glanced up to see that his friend did look rather pale and queasy. He looked up to the red hazy smoke and felt a twist of guilt. Remus was always saying that Potions was his least favorite class because the smells were overwhelming and got trapped in the stagnant dungeon, and it was just after the full moon too. He knew Remus’ robes also hid a bunch of nasty gashes and bruises and he felt bad to be the one to worsen his day.

“Well steady on there, Miss Evans can assist you.” Slughorn said before walking off down the line of students.

Sirius watched as Lily stood at Remus’ side and Remus bent his head so the two could talk. Remus didn’t have to try to fail his potions the way that Sirius did; his just always seemed to bubble and froth or turn into sludge. The werewolf would leave the class looking frazzled, his hair curling from the humidity and a sour look on his face. Sirius knew Remus was struggling in a lot of his classes, despite his furious studying, and whenever they had free time Moony would hole up with his books, finger on the page reading with a furrowed look of concentration. Remus cared so much about schooling and Sirius sometimes thought he would like to have that same dedication. His friend spent every moment studying and yearning to do better and Sirius was beginning to see why the sorting hat had wanted to place Remus in Ravenclaw. His identity in Sirius’ mind now consisted of a good stack of books and something to munch on. 

He heard a groan and smelled something sulfurous and looked over in time for Remus’ potion to go sour. Remus’ hands had flown up and clamped over his mouth and nose. Lily was wincing and patting his back gently. 

“Moony! Hey Moony!” Sirius leaned over and pointed to his own messy cauldron. “We match!”

It was supposed to be lighthearted and take Remus’ mind off his failure, but instead Remus shot him a dark look and glowered. Sirius balked, leaning back slightly.

“Some of us are trying.” Remus responded in frustration. “Don’t make fun, Black.”

Sirius blinked in surprise and watched Remus turn back around. He had never used Sirius’ last name like that and it felt horrible. Sirius looked back at his smoking cauldron and whispered a quick scourgify to clean it. It didn’t take care of the smelly red smoke though, nor the twisting acid rising in his throat. He and Remus had been a little bit off since the February Full Moon and Sirius knew his cavalier attitude with classes was starting to annoy his dedicated friend.

He couldn’t help it. If he started trying he knew exactly how it would go and it would just hurt. If he worked hard in potions he knew without a doubt he could make every potion Professor Slughorn asked of him. He would shoot up to the top of the class, neck and neck with Severus Snape. Likely when he was older he would be invited to Slughorn’s illustrious Slug Club. The students in the hallway would whisper that maybe him being in Gryffindor was a fluke, after all it was normally Slytherin House that excelled in potions.

Beyond the repercussions at Hogwarts he would also gain them at home. His mother would be thrilled with his aptitude in the subject she deemed most enjoyable. She would constantly give him more advanced books on potions. He would spend his summers over a cauldron, sweaty and miserable, and brewing all sorts of Dark potions. Perhaps he would even end up looking like his mother, with potion scarring up to his elbows that he would vainly smooth fancy creams over every evening with no hope of diminishing the burns of a potion master. He would, for all intents and purposes, follow perfectly in Walburga Black’s footsteps.

What had started as him not wanting to earn points for Gryffindor by brewing an excellent potion had now twisted into the terror of a boy not wanting to become his mother.

How could he explain all that to Remus though? He had tried once with James.

“She would just be so pleased with me.” Sirius had said, laying on his back and staring up at the ceiling. It was just him and James in the dorm then. Peter and Remus were down at the Herbology shed helping Professor Sprout trim her wailing rose bushes for extra credit. He was glad for the time alone with James. They still had their ‘talk about anything’ policy going but it was harder now to find the time to do that.

“Would that be so bad?” James was lying on his front, flipping through a Quidditch magazine casually. “You know it might make her stop sending those letters, Sirius. She shouldn’t send them anyways, but I hate that you read them.”

“Yeah but…” Sirius wiggled slightly, trying to find words to explain a feeling that felt complex even to him. “Pleasing her might make the letters stop for a bit but it also sets me up for...bigger things. More duties and expectations and boring adult stuff.”

“I think your mum is probably going to place all those expectations anyways, right? Might as well use your talent to save yourself some grief. For a while, right?”

“I know.” Sirius said. “I do know. It's just-”

“You’re stubborn?” James grinned over at him.

Sirius tried to grin back but it faltered. James seemed to realize and rolled over to Sirius and pulled him into a hug. “It's not a bad thing to be stubborn, Sirius.” James said “It's very Lion-Headed of you.”

“Isn’t the term Pig-Headed?”

“Mmm yeah but we’re lions.” James said lightly. “And Gryffindor is definitely the most stubborn house. But yeah, it's not bad to be stubborn sometimes. I guess I am just worried about the repercussions of this one. Failing a class that she knows you could pass.”

“Bad.”

“Yes. Bad. So...Whatever this war you have going on. At least pass Potions.”

James had squeezed him tighter then and Sirius had felt the worry radiating off his friend. He’d turned and hugged him back just as tight. “Yeah alright. I’ll pass.” He had promised.

Sirius just turned back to his cauldron and set to cleaning it. Moony had been irritable and angry ever since the Full Moon at the end of February. Sirius knew something had happened but his friend wouldn’t talk to him about it at all. Whenever he tried Remus would just change the subject or shrug. Sirius had thought things would be better now that the adults knew about him being a werewolf and that it would mean Remus would be safe and cared for. But the day after the moon Remus had been covered in cuts and bruised beyond belief. Sirius was scared of what that meant. Two moons at Hogwarts passed, and neither good for his friend.

He finished scrubbing up his cauldron and then moved over to Remus and Lily’s bench. Remus was staring down at his bubbly mess in clear dismay. Sirius bumped his shoulder against his friend’s gently.

“Move aside, I’ll do it.” He said with a grin. “Leave it to the pro cauldron-scrubber, Moony.”

Remus opened his mouth and then shut it again and gave a little nod. He shifted over to watch what Lily was doing as Sirius quickly dealt with the sludgy mess that Remus had left behind. It was a bit impressive that his friend managed to fail so spectacularly each time, though Sirius wouldn’t dare tell him that.

“Thanks.” Remus said after the cauldron was free of stinking sludge.

“Yeah no problem.” Sirius said easily “I know I distracted you with my smoke explosion. Only reason you got it wrong this time around.”

Remus snorted. “I wish that were the case. I’m not good at this class. I just want to go to Charms already.”

“I do think you were closer this time.” Lily cut in with a friendly smile. “It was more stable this time around. Next time you’ll get it, Remus, I’m sure of it. You just need to stir a little bit more, uh, gently.”

Remus scrunched up his nose and grumbled something. Remus wasn’t very great at doing things gently, to be quite honest. Sirius thought he was learning his limbs for the first time now and that resulted in over-eager movements and klutzy mistakes.

“You’re good with your wand movements in Charms.” Lily continued, her voice kind and encouraging. “Think of stirring the cauldron like that. Gentle minute movements.”

Sirius leaned against the desk and watched Remus nodding along. He was scratching at the scar on his cheek again, a dead giveaway that he was disgruntled. Class was ending though soon enough and Moony would be freed of the stinky dungeon. As it ended Sirius grabbed up his books, and Remus’ as well, and headed out into the halls.

“Fresh air?” He said as Remus emerged.

“We have class soon.” Remus said with a frown.

“Yeah I know, but Professor Binns never notices if you slide in a bit late. Come on, Moony. Quick walk about will do you good. You’re off today.”

Remus looked ready to argue but then the classroom door opened and more red smoke wafted out. He gave in and nodded and Sirius eagerly hurried down the halls. They stumbled out into the brisk damp air of early March, in a small little courtyard near enough to their History of Magic class to not be too late. Remus instantly sucked in a deep breath and leaned against a column of the courtyard.

“Am I really off today?” He asked, staring up at the dark clouds above them. It looked ready to rain again.

“Bit.” Sirius said, hopping up on the low outdoor balustrade and straddling it. “It's still close to the moon, right? Are you in pain?”

“I told you I don’t want to talk about this, Sirius.”

“Yes but why, Moony? I’ve seen you after moons before. I mean I was there for two of them. Why can’t we talk about this now? We’re best friends!”

Remus shook his head and rubbed at his arm which Sirius knew was covered in bandages. “I just don’t want to talk about it. You wouldn’t get it anyways.”

Sirius faltered and looked down. “You could let me try, Moony.”

Remus snorted. “I’ll spare myself the further pain. You’re a pureblood, Sirius.”

“What has that got to do with anything?!”

“This world…” Remus gestured towards Hogwarts. “It's amazing and it's wonderful and it's way more than I ever hoped it would be. But it's still-” He cut off and Sirius could tell he was struggling with the right words. “It's still darker than I thought too. And you don’t see that.”

Sirius opened his mouth to argue with that. He did see that. Well, he was starting to anyway. Each letter from his mother brought that darkness closer to him. Each look from Bellatrix. 

“You have status.” Remus informed him. “And when we met I knew you had that and I knew it meant we were different. Except now I see it even more. Okay? So it's hard and maybe sometimes I don’t want to talk to you about things that make us even more different.”

“We’re not different.” Sirius argued, “We’re friends.”

Remus smiled and nodded “Friends. Yeah. Still very different. The fact that you don’t even see it yet just proves that I’m right.”

“I have no idea what you’re saying.” Sirius said in frustration.

Remus just shrugged at him. “I know. That's the whole thing. Don’t ask about the transformations again.”

Sirius wanted to fight more. He wanted to tell Remus that this was stupid, that he should be allowed to know everything about his best friend. He’d been the one to bring him all the way here and now Remus didn’t even want to talk to him about this? It felt a bit rude to Sirius, he’d done a lot for Remus. He let out a frustrated noise.

“Fine. If you want to be like that.”

Remus and he fell into silence and Sirius felt his stomach clenching up. Why were things not easy like it was with James? With James he could talk about anything and everything. Remus had been his first friend and he wanted that same ease of conversation with him, but ever since coming to Hogwarts it felt like they would drift close and then apart. It didn’t take away from how much he wanted to be with Remus though. He liked his friend’s outlook on the world and he liked talking to him about his day and letting Remus mildly mock his pretentious pureblood ways. Remus made it easier to be this new Gryffindor Sirius he was turning into.

Remus didn’t want to rely on him though, that much was obvious, and Sirius got the feeling that despite everything they had been through Remus didn’t completely trust him. Remus had, again and again, put his trust in Sirius and now he was removing it. Why ? What had he done? He wanted to do what James was able to do with people, but he wasn’t that good at seeing things from other perspectives.

“We should get to class.” Remus said quietly and Sirius nodded.

Sirius didn’t pay attention in History of Magic or in any of his other classes. He just sat there with his chin in his hands and wrote down a note every now and again so the Professors wouldn’t get annoyed with him. His mind was on the Remus Problem and how to be the sort of friend Remus needed when his friend was being difficult and closed off. Sirius didn’t know. He wanted to ask James but he knew that the other boy would just say to be a good friend! James didn’t have to think about friendship, it came to him like a talent, and Sirius was envious of that. He thought maybe his stubbornness and selfishness got in the way of him having that talent and he now was jealous on top of it all!

As one class slid to the next he let his mind drift. Being a Gryffindor meant being loyal. He was trying. Seemed difficult to be loyal when his friend was pushing him away. He supposed that was kinda the whole point though. To be loyal even when it became hard to do so.

“Mr. Black! If you could kindly focus your attention on the board rather than the ceiling, we might have some luck with you yet.” Professor McGonagall’s voice cut in through his reverie.

Sirius sat up straighter and nodded, turning his attention to the board. He rather liked Transfiguration class. The magic flow felt different than in charms. His wand didn’t fight him so much in this class and he was usually able to transfigure things with a bit of flare. His goblet last week had been shiny pewter with engravings! Definitely the coolest in the class. He would always leave this class feeling capable.

Transfiguration class brought his self confidence up high and then Charms crashed it back down again. Today’s lesson in Charms should have been an easy little spell. All he had to do was light a candle with a fire-making charm. Incendio was a charm that many students were already using even though Professor Flitwick hadn’t formally taught it yet. But Sirius saw it all the time as students lit candles to study by or started up a fire in the common room. It was simple and basic, clearly a break from the more complex charms they’d been practicing in previous days.

They were each given a standard tall white candle on a tarnished old stand and then Professor Flitwick showed them the hand motions. Students were suitably distanced from one another so nobody’s hair or robes would catch light. More than a few students managed to get their candles lit on the first try and Professor Flitwick then taught the charm to extinguishing flame.

Sirius couldn’t get his candle to light. No matter how hard he whispered Incendio it just didn’t seem to work. Everyone had their candles lit now and people were starting to notice that his wasn’t. He heard a few soft bits of laughter over from where the Slytherin students were and he felt his ears burning bright red. Why wouldn’t his wand just work?!

“Doesn’t suit you.”

His memory of Remus’ voice whispered in his ear, reminding him that this wand hadn’t ever chosen him. His hand clenched tightly on the Blackthorn wood. Same wand as his father. He was supposed to be born for this wand.

More laughter. More whispers. 

“Incendio!” He said with a bit more force and frustration.

Flame burst from the tip of his wand and melted the entire candle in a burst. Silence fell among the students close to him and Sirius thought it would have been best if the flame had consumed him instead.

“What seems to be the issue here, Mr. Black?” Professor Flitwick appeared at his side, looking patient and attentive. Sirius liked this Professor and he really never goofed off or pranked about in this class. He didn’t need to when his wand did it for him.

Sirius gestured to the lump of melted candle wax cooling on the desk in front of him. “Just sticking to my house.” He said, attempting a smile.

“Meaning?”

“Bold.” Sirius said, trying to laugh off the embarrassment of failing spectacularly in a room full of students.

The Gryffindors around him laughed with him, rather than at him, and the Slytherins seemed annoyed to be deprived of their fun. Professor Flitwick looked at him through his glasses and clearly didn’t buy his false bravado.

“Get another candle from the supply cupboard, Mr. Black. Move your wand a bit slower next time and keep the tip steady.”

“Yes Professor.” Sirius said quickly before rushing over to get another candle.

Remus grabbed his arm on the way back and Sirius stopped in surprise. Weren’t they fighting?

“You’ve got this.” Remus said simply.

Sirius tugged his arm away. “You’re the one who said my wand wasn’t any good.” He snapped back grumpily.

Remus frowned and tilted his head in that curious way of his. “But you’re good, Sirius.” He said simply.

Sirius hurried back to his desk and set the candle down. Flitwick had moved the class to the Extinguishing and was talking about flame colors. Sirius flicked his wand and the candle lit with no issue. He looked down at his wand in pure annoyance.

“You’re a bit of a brat, you know?” He whispered to the dark wood.

He had no issue trying to extinguish it again either and for a brief angry moment he thought about just snapping his wand in half! That was being dramatic though and he knew it. He tried the spell a few more times and everything worked as it should. When Flitwick demonstrated how to do blue flames, Sirius’ came out green, but then color corrected themselves after a few brief moments of further Slytherin tittering. In the end he was able to complete the class without losing any points. Remus gained Gryffindor five points for being the one to light a candlestick with multiple wicks the fastest. Sirius found himself the tiniest bit bitter that Remus’ store cupboard wand seemed to work better than his fancy one.

As he was leaving the classroom one of the Slytherin students slammed an elbow into him in passing.

“Hey!” Sirius snapped, instantly ready to fight the other student. 

They just turned about with a laugh and flicked their wand towards Sirius’ face. “Careful. My wand actually works.” They said, their voice dripping with cruelty. “I get why you ended up in Gryffindor. You roar loud, but you’re completely declawed, little lion. You wouldn’t have suited Slytherin.”

Sirius opened his mouth to retort but he didn’t have a good comeback. The Slytherin and his friends laughed and waltzed off. Sirius felt a hand land on his arm and turned to see James beside him.

“Don’t let it get to you. Remember that guy couldn’t float his feather last week? It's fine. Just a dumb snake anyways.”

Sirius grumbled but nodded. “Still. Bit annoyed with myself for not retaliating.”

James laughed “We’re not Ravenclaws. We don’t need witty comebacks. Not when we have an invisibility cloak and plenty of dungbombs to fill a dorm room with a nasty stench for weeks.”

Sirius slung an arm about James’ shoulders “I like the way you think, Potter. Shall we round up the other Marauders and get to planning a prank?”

“We’ve honestly been far too good lately.”

“Absolutely right!”

Chapter Text

Remus hunched his shoulders and ducked his head as he made his way into the infirmary. He spent a great deal of time coming and going from here but he always hated to be seen. He didn’t exactly want to stick out more than he did and it would be embarrassing for people to start talking about how he always needed Madam Pomfrey.

She had noticed, of course, she seemed to notice everything about her patients. She had kindly told him if he needed to come see her he was allowed to walk all the way to the back and slip into her office and sit and wait for her to finish with other patients. She said the only time he wasn’t allowed to do that was if it was an emergency and he was seriously hurt. 

Today he slipped into her office and sat down on the chair across from her desk. Madam Pomfrey had been talking to two girls, one of them crying, and so he waited. He liked waiting in Madam Pomfrey’s office. It was cozy, rather small, and always nice and warm. He appreciated the plush rug that was bursting with floral patterns that he could wiggle his toes in once abandoning his shoes. The chair he was sat in was an overly puffy thing that seemed like it had a mind to swallow him whole. Whenever he sat it in he felt safely ensconced. One wall of the office was a set of mismatched bookshelves, each stuffed full of books. They were not the most thrilling books, he had found, and some of them were quite gross. They showed different diseases as well as animals and anatomy and anything a healer could need. He had already seen several books on Lycanthropy on her shelves. Each of these now had a myriad of colorful bookmarks sticking from their pages. 

Madam Pomfrey’s desk was kept very neat with a pile of patient folders set on the side. Remus knew one of those had to be his and he was curious, but he liked Madam Pomfrey a lot and he didn’t want to make the woman hate him, and so he didn’t nose about. The rest of her desk was cleared except for a quill and an inkpot. Everything about her was very neat and efficient really, but also warm and comforting.

Remus winced as there was suddenly a piercing whistle and he clapped his hands over his ears and hunched low in a panic. He screwed his eyes shut and looked about the room. In the far corner there was a green kettle that was whistling and blowing steam. He was just starting to lower his hands when Madam Pomfrey bustled inside and, with a flick of her wand, muted the kettle.

“Sorry about that, dear.” She said kindly. “I have an amplifying spell on it so I can hear it out in the infirmary. Your poor sensitive ears.”

“It's alright.” Remus said as she tutted over him.

Madam Pomfrey moved over to the kettle and put together two mugs of tea, floating one across the room to Remus. He plucked it out of the air and wrapped his hands around it. One of his favorite things in the world was to hang his head over the steam coming off a fresh cup of tea. It warmed his face and wrapped up through his hair and it felt amazing. It smelled good too, this tea had a bit of a fruity edge to it. She never seemed to be drinking the same tea, it was always some new blend.

Madam Pomfrey sat down at her desk and gave him a smile. “What can I do for you, Remus? Here for your potion?”

He nodded. “Potion and also...” He hesitated and looked down at his mug.

Madam Pomfrey just waited for him to get the words out. He appreciated that.

“The full moon is coming again.” He started slowly.

“Yes it is, dear.” She said, and her voice sounded sad. “Are you having pain leading up to it?”

Remus nodded and chewed on his lip. “I am but that's okay. Used to it. I just want to know if, um...If the moon is going to go the same way as last month.”

There were a few moments of silence before she answered. “I can give you something to ease up some of your aches.” She started with. “As for how last month went, I did speak to Dumbledore on the subject. He believes firmly that the house is the safest place for you to transform.”

Remus barely kept in a whimper, but he wanted to whimper and cry and beg not to be put back in that horrible house. It was just as bad as any cage. Last month, February's moon, he had come to Dumbledore’s office full of eager trust. He was a great wizard and he would have a safe plan for Remus to transform. After the January moon, nearly killing Sirius, he was eager to put his trust in powerful adults. But it hadn’t gone the way he thought it would.

“We have arranged for Remus to transform in the abandoned house outside of Hogsmeade Proper.” Dumbledore had announced calmly to the small gathering in his office. Madam Pomfrey had been there, as well as Professor McGonagall, and Remus himself.

McGonagall had nodded along as Dumbledore had spoken and Remus got the feeling she had known about this. From Madam Pomfrey’s face the healer had not known and she didn’t look happy about this news.

“I would argue that that house is still too close to Hogsmeade.” She said firmly. “The wolf will likely be able to smell the humans there. Based on my research their senses are very heightened. It's not far enough.”

“The wolf may indeed be able to smell them.” Dumbledore said with a nod. “But young Remus will not be able to get out of the house. I have set down a good deal of wards on the building. We have also installed a Whomping Willow over the entrance to the home on Hogwarts grounds. All other exits to the house have been lined with silver runes.”

Remus flinched at this last bit and Madam Pomfrey must have noticed because her hand settled on his shoulder and gave it a gentle squeeze.

“Minerva.” She said, and her voice had a funny tinge to it that Remus couldn’t put his finger on. “Did you know about these runes?”

“I put them there myself.” Professor McGonagall said, sounding patient. “Transfigured the woodgrain of the house to construct them. Poppy…”

“No.” Madam Pomfrey snapped at the other woman. “No, you will not try to excuse cruelty to me right now. He is a child. We cannot trap him in a box with silver in the walls!”

“The silver should not harm the boy unless the wolf attempts to leave the premises.” Dumbledore said, and his eyes were looking at Remus now. Remus wanted to back up and hide somewhere, but those blue eyes would still see him. “It is a precaution, Poppy.”

Madam Pomfrey let out a very unladylike snort. “Bollocks.” She snapped at the headmaster. “My patient will likely still feel that silver. I will not allow him to go somewhere that is going to make his illness worse. The boy is under my care.”

Remus was once again reminded that Madam Pomfrey was indeed an alpha wolf herself. She stood strong and firm in front of two people that frightened Remus half to death. Remus, for his part, felt braver just being near someone who cared about his wellbeing so much. 

“The other option is not as kind.” Professor McGonagall said. Her voice was soft and soothing and she was looking at Madam Pomfrey with more kindness than Remus usually saw in that stern face. “Poppy you know I would not press this issue if I thought there was a better way for our young ward to transform. Would that he could run wild in the forest, as a wolf should, but you know he cannot. The centaurs are already quite upset about last month’s episode.”

Madam Pomfrey seemed to take this in and Remus felt her hand tighten gently on his shoulder. “Remus? What do you think?” She asked softly.

Remus balked in front of the three adults and shrugged his shoulders. “Just don’t want to hurt anybody.” He murmured softly. That was the most important bit. “Don’t want to be near silver, but maybe for this month it's okay and then...We keep planning?”

Dumbledore let out a soft chuckle “There you see? The boy is pragmatic. Yes, young Remus, we will keep planning.”


But the moon hadn’t been good. It had been horrible. The house they had put him in was dark and dusty and filled with old furniture. When he had transformed and found himself as the wolf inside that house it had filled him with terror and rage. The wolf didn’t understand needing to stay inside and be safe. The wolf had only known that it was caged again. The cage was bigger now, but still it was a cage. Last month the wolf had run under the moonlight in a forest! It howled to know it was trapped again. The wolf had tried to get out again and again, scrabbling against walls and boarded up windows, burning its paws against the silver runes there. It wouldn’t be caged!

Remus had woken up in the morning feeling sick and with his hands and feet covered in painful blisters. He had cried in frustration, alone in the shack, because he had put so much trust in the adults. He had thought that they would finally give him a break from the pain and the terror of a transformation. Instead it had been one of the worst moons he had ever experienced. The painful sobs had turned into him retching up everything he’d eaten as a human before the transformation, as well as retching up bits of splintered wood and small mouse bones. The wolf had tried to devour everything last night. 

Remus had curled up in a corner then, his knees tucked to his face and his hands in his hair. The voice that usually soothed him after moons wasn’t there and he thought it was because his head was spinning so much from the effects of the silver runes. 

When Madam Pomfrey had come into the shack he had heard her voice rise in horror, but he hadn’t really made out many words. His tears had settled by then but he was still shaking like a leaf. She had approached him so carefully, kneeling beside him, and he watched her talking before things had come through. She had been apologizing. She had healed him and helped him get back down to the castle. Then she’d tucked him in, stroked his hair, and he had sunken into sleep.

Then of course there had been Sirius. Sirius who had been sitting by his bedside when he’d woken up. His bright grin had been the first thing Remus had seen. And his eyes were so bright and eager to talk to him and Remus couldn’t. He couldn’t tell Sirius about the new form of cage. He couldn’t talk to him about the pain and the terror. Sirius would blame himself if he knew that he had rescued Remus, brought him all the way here, only for Remus to be in yet another cage. It would make his friend so worried and angry. So when Sirius had asked about the transformation Remus had shut him out. He’d rolled over and gone back to sleep. Sirius had asked again and again in the following weeks until finally Remus had snapped at him after Potions class. He’d seen the pain and lack of understanding in Sirius’ grey eyes then, and it hurt, but Remus didn’t want him to know.

But now the full moon of March was days away and there was a chasm between him and his best friend. Sirius was annoyed with him, that much was plain, and Remus hated it. He missed him and he wanted to tell him things but he also didn’t want Sirius to worry too much. At night sometimes he heard James and Sirius whispering together. He knew they liked to talk a lot. On the nights that Sirius was the one to cast the Muffliato spell it sometimes didn’t work or faded away. The two chatterboxes didn’t notice, of course, but Remus would stay awake and listen.

“I don’t know, James.” Sirius said, his voice sounding frustrated and angry. “I want to be there for Moony but he doesn’t tell me things!”

“Did you try offering the talking deal like I suggested?” James' voice was sleepy but supportive sounding. He wanted to go to sleep, it seemed, but James was good at putting other people first.

“I did but he just said no!” Sirius said, his voice rising. Peter’s snores briefly cut off but the two didn’t seem to realize that it was their voices waking their friend. Peter’s snores resumed and so did Sirius’ voice. “I feel like he doesn’t trust me, which isn’t fair because I did a lot for him. Got him all the way here!”

“You did.” James said. “But Moony is his own person, Sirius. You can’t control him and you can’t make him do whatever you want. That's not fair, is it? I mean you know what that's like. When people try to make you something you’re not. If Remus doesn’t want to talk then you can’t force him too. Moony is keeping secrets, that doesn’t mean he’s not our friend.”

Remus had wanted to hug James so badly then. He was so good and wise and wonderful. He knew the right things to say. Remus wished he had thought to word it just like that to Sirius the other day, but instead his words had come out angry and accusing and all wrong. He waited with bated breath to hear Sirius’ response. It came after a long time and Remus could imagine the intense look of concentration on his face.

“He’s our best friend.” Sirius finally said. “I guess...I just want him to feel like he has a voice.”

“Oh. Sirius.” James’ voice was soft and gentle now and Remus felt like he was missing some bit of information here. He knew they talked about things that he knew nothing about. Sirius was a tiny bit of a hypocrite in that regard, but of course he would never see that. He heard the rustle of blankets and he knew James was probably giving one of his excellent hugs.

Remus ducked his head over the mug of tea and inhaled deeply. After a moment he took a few sips. He could feel Madam Pomfrey watching him but she still took a few moments before she spoke.

“I have been trying to work on a solution for you, Remus.” She said “I don’t agree with keeping you in that house. Especially after last time. It's no good for a young boy to experience that and I am sure it affects your studies. Dumbledore is a great wizard, but a stubborn man. He insists this is the right course of direction.”

Remus’ shoulders sagged. “So I have to go back in the house?” He asked, looking up at her. He wanted to trust her, he really did, but he didn’t understand why these adults insisted on hurting him too. It all felt the same as the Owner. 

Madam Pomfrey’s eyes looked at him so sad. “I’m sorry, Remus. I am going to do my best to get there quicker this time. Heal you right away, dear. Professor McGonagall is looking into other solutions for you.”

Remus nodded but he was distancing himself from these thoughts now.

“Remus.” Madam Pomfrey said gently. “We are going to solve this. I promise you. I am not going to let you continually suffer like that.”

“Okay.” He just said quietly, drinking down a large gulp of tea. It warmed him up but it didn’t make the cold creeping terror go away.

It had taken a lot of courage to come here today. He was trying daily to be the very best student he could. Which meant he tried to lay low. He didn’t want to cause trouble lest they decide a werewolf wasn’t worth keeping about. So he attended his classes, worked harder than anyone else there, and then spent all his time studying. He finally had his tutor and so he was getting better with reading and writing too. As the aches of the moon approached he had begun thinking about the shack again. Part of him had wanted to say nothing at all in order to be good and unobtrusive. The part that won out was the part that remembered how scared the wolf had been. He’d told himself he was going to do his best to protect the other part of him, and so far he had failed.

The wolf didn’t have anybody but Remus and he needed to at least try to protect him. He had to be the advocate. Except he had put himself out there and failed. Madam Pomfrey couldn’t, or wouldn’t, help him.

He drank more tea, but it didn’t help. He wanted to go curl up in one of his hideaway nooks and remain there until he had to go to Dumbledore’s office.

“Let’s get you that potion and some pain relief.” Madam Pomfrey said, her voice sounding too chipper.

Remus just nodded and allowed himself to be led from her office. The potion was a bitter thing but he had gotten used to it. It was supposed to help him make up for some of the neglect and malnourishment he had faced. It always gave him a buzz of energy too.

“Now take a sip of this draught when you feel those aches.” Madam Pomfrey said, handing him another small phial. “Only two sips a day, otherwise you’ll get a nasty headache the next day. It should help relax some of those sore muscles for you. We give it to Quidditch players regularly.”

“Okay. Thank you.” Remus said, slipping it into his pocket. “I need to go meet Alice for tutoring.”

Madam Pomfrey looked like she wanted to say something more but in the end she didn’t and Remus left the infirmary feeling strangely numb to the whole thing. He made his way tiredly towards the library. He did indeed need to meet Alice, his tutor, but he knew his mind wouldn’t be there today.

*  *  *

Poppy watched Remus go and she could tell the boy wasn’t happy. His shoulders were hunched up and his body language read of an animal in fear. If he had a tail currently it would be between his legs. Poppy moved back to her office and shut the door to a crack and sat down heavily into the plush armchair that Remus had just left.

It was hard to be the one who interacted with the boy on a weekly basis. She knew Minerva taught Remus in class, but that was far different than Remus coming to Poppy again and again for help. The child was starting to fill out now that he was under Poppy’s care. He had already grown a little bit and his face and body were not nearly so gaunt. She prided herself in giving proper care to all her patients.

Remus was just such a hard case. It was throwing her and Minerva’s marriage into turmoil as well. Since that day in Dumbledore’s office she could not get over her absolute anger at her wife. It had only worsened when she had gone to the abandoned house and seen Remus after the moon. The silver had burned his small body so much and the child had been making these heartbreaking low whines in the back of his throat. Remus had barely been aware of her as she had healed him and she knew it was likely the silver runes in the wall making him so unresponsive and weak.

To know that Minerva, her wife, had made those runes...Poppy had been rather livid. They had fought that day, and several days since then as well. Poppy hated fighting with Minerva because Minerva, a stubborn lion, never backed down. But the boy, the sweet quiet boy, had been so hurt and it had been her wife’s fault. She knew that Minerva only acted on Dumbledore’s orders but Poppy was frustrated that nobody ever dared to question the man. Remus was a werewolf but he was not a beast. He was a young boy who did not deserve to be subjected to more pain and trauma than he had already endured!

Poppy had been pouring over books on Lycanthropy over the past month. She had also traveled to St. Mungo’s to see their ‘werewolf containment facilities’ which seemed to be glorified cages. She had argued again and again with Minerva and Dumbledore both about finding a more humane way to allow Remus to transform. Dumbledore insisted he was looking into the matter but here they were with another moon on their hands and she had to be the one to tell Remus that nothing had changed.

She heard the door open and close and she didn’t need to look up to know Minerva was stopping by on a break between classes. Normally Poppy would get up and steal a hug and a kiss but today she remained staunchly in her chair, staring absentmindedly at her bookshelves.

“Remus was just here.” She said quietly. “He asked me if we were going to put him in that horrible house again.”

“Poppy.” Minerva said and Poppy turned her head to face her wife.

“I had to tell that boy that nothing had changed. He is terrified, Minerva. I have been reading a great deal about transformations. I spoke with the healers at St. Mungo’s. Everything says that werewolves experience rougher transformations if they are agitated or running a high emotion prior to their transformation. I would say a little boy’s abject terror is enough to make it worse for him!”

“What would you have me do, Poppy?” Minerva snapped. “I do not want to see the child harmed either, but I also do not want to see any other children maimed or killed! Dumbledore has-”

“Oh, don’t bring that man into this right now.” Poppy snapped right back. 

“How can I not? Despite what you may think of me right now it was not I who decided the runes needed to be placed there.”

“But you did it.”

“Yes.” Minerva said, tilting her chin up in that no-nonsense sort of way. “I did. Because we cannot have a werewolf getting loose on Hogsmeade.”

This was how all the fights were lately. Cyclical. There was no winning for either party because there was no solution. Poppy knew, deep down, that her wife didn’t want to cause pain and hated to see it. But she also knew that Minerva was deeply protective of Hogwarts and all its students. To her the many outweighed the few in this case. Remus would survive the pain and no other students would be affected. Poppy could not make her view that broad. She only saw Remus right now, and she didn’t want him hurt even though she didn’t know the solution to keep him safe.

“I have been looking for other avenues for Remus.” Minerva said, moving over and leaning against the edge of the desk. Poppy looked up at her and noticed her wife’s face was exhausted and drawn. “I don’t like what we have to do, Poppy. You know I would never willingly hurt a child like this. He is young and he is quite the Gryffindor already.”

“I know he is.”

“Why, just the other day I had him and the other three in my office for-” Minerva barely held back a twitching smile. “For planting several dungbombs in the dungeon corridors and in one student’s bed.”

“Goodness! Remus was involved in this?” Poppy said in surprise

“I believe he was, though the other three said they were the only ones involved and that Remus was reading in the library. They are very protective of him.”

“Good. Someone should be.” Poppy said, and she saw the way Minerva sighed. They had been on the same ground and Poppy had brought them back to the battlefield. She hadn’t really intended to do that. Snapping and fighting with Minerva had become too easy this month. She reached out and rested a hand on her wife’s forearm, giving a gentle squeeze. She also didn’t want to fight right now.

“I am looking for solutions.” Minerva said, her voice earnest. Her accent had gotten stronger and Poppy knew that meant she was struggling with her unbreakable control. 

“I know you’re looking. I am too. I shouldn’t fault you so much, I haven’t managed to find anything either.” Poppy said tiredly. She leaned into the worn hand that cupped her cheek and she allowed herself to close her eyes.

“I did lessen the silver.” Minerva admitted. “I saw how he was after the last moon. I’ve reduced the amount of sigils. I...believe it will be fine for him to have less since he is still a juvenile.”

Poppy let out a relieved sigh. It wasn’t perfect, but it was a step forward. “Thank you.”

“Of course, love.”

*  *  *

“You’re distracted today.” Alice said. She had been going over Remus’ potions essay and making corrections and Remus had been trying to focus but it was so hard.

“Sorry. I’m paying attention now.” Remus said quickly, leaning forward to look at Alice’s corrections. Alice had been tutoring him through March and he already really liked her. She was incredibly patient with him and also the smartest person he’d ever met before.

Alice tilted her head and gave him a friendly little smile. “What's going on in that head of yours today, Remus? You’re normally way too into reading my corrections.”

Remus hesitated a bit but he liked Alice and he really trusted her. She was a fifth year student which meant she knew more things than him just by default and she was cool too. Her uniform was always perfectly pressed and her blue tie just made her eyes look brighter. She was effortlessly cool and Remus admired her for just being so good at being herself. When she laughed it was always loud and booming and she didn’t seem to mind getting shushed by the librarian. Remus never felt like she looked down on him when he asked a million questions either. Even if some were basic questions she would always just lean forward, point to a bit of text, and calmly talk him through whatever he was struggling with.

Remus liked Frank too, the slightly quieter part of this duo that would come and quietly sit and read beside them while they studied. Frank was a Hufflepuff and he still wore the girl’s uniform sometimes, but Remus knew he was like Alice, undergoing a transformation. Frank was quiet where Alice was bold, but he was just as kind too. Sometimes he would grin over at them and crack a few jokes and sometimes Alice would put her finger over her lips and blush and Remus got the feeling that some of the jokes were for older students only.

On the days that Frank came and sat with him wearing the boy’s uniform he seemed brighter and happier. He would engage with them more and sometimes would doodle funny pictures along the lines of Remus’ spare parchment. Remus had once asked why, if he liked the boy’s uniform, didn’t he just wear it all the time? Like Dorcas! Alice had been the one to explain, ever so patiently, that Frank was simply allowed to dress how he liked when he liked and sometimes you just needed to listen to what your body needed on a particular day.

Remus had responded that he understood that, given that his body always told him that shoes and socks were an utter abomination. The next day Frank had come bearing a pair of fluffy and soft socks decorated with little golden snitches.

“My mum made these for me. She always wanted me on the Quidditch team but it's not really my thing. But the socks are really nice, I bet you’ll even like them.”

And Remus did. So far they were just about the best socks he’d ever worn. He had no idea why everybody didn’t just wear these. Plus when he slipped his shoes off in the library he didn’t get funny looks anymore. People were generally a bit more relaxed and comfy in the library for a long period of studying and the fluffy socks made him look ‘not weird.’

Alice and Frank were always having long bold conversations about the wizarding world too. Remus would settle down with his essays and books and Alice’s sheets of corrections, but he would be listening to the two older students chattering. They had an easy repartee together but they still had differing opinions sometimes. But unlike how he and Sirius were, they managed to talk about it without fighting. Remus learned quite a bit about the wizarding world from listening to them and he wondered why it wasn’t stuff that the professors talked about. Because of listening to them talk he knew that Alice and Frank were trustworthy and good people. Alice was not going to shame him for what he was, though he couldn’t tell her. But that mental knowledge went quite a long way in allowing himself to be comfortable with her. When she asked him what was wrong, he felt safe enough to answer.

“I don’t feel so good lately.” He said, drawing his quill in circles and looking down. “You know I started late, which is why I need a tutor. Sometimes I still don’t feel good. Like right now. It's frustrating too because…”

He struggled to think of his words but Alice just waited. When he looked up at her she was smiling kindly at him.

“Well because I like studying with you and Frank and it's frustrating when I don’t feel good and can’t enjoy learning.”

Alice laughed a bit and nodded. “Honey, I get it.” She said, “When your brain or body affects the things you love in a negative way it sucks, doesn’t it?”

“Yeah. it does.” He sighed. “And it's like I’m not supposed to talk about it either. Or then I’m weird.”

“Not weird, Remus.”

“It's a little weird.” He said, putting his chin in his hands. “I know I am. Weird.”

“Well, I quite like you.” Alice said.

“Me too.” Frank said, sitting down and joining them. Frank was carrying a bag and Remus could smell the cookies inside of it. Hufflepuff was apparently near the kitchens and Frank was always bringing along treats to their study sessions. Honestly if Remus had known that Hufflepuff was located by the kitchens maybe he would have asked the hat to put him there instead! Frank slid the bag over and Remus grinned when he opened it and found cookies baked with little bits of dried fruits in them.

“I like you guys as well.” Remus said, already having eaten two cookies down.

“Remus, it's alright if you’re different and feel off sometimes.” Alice said “It sucks when that hampers things you like, but you’re a tough cookie. But if some days you don’t feel up to studying so much then you can just come sit with Frank and I and that's just fine too.”

“Really?” He looked between them cautiously. “I won’t annoy you?”

Alice laughed and shook her head. “No you won’t annoy us.”

“Yeah! Fun to have a little firstie to boss around!” Frank joked.

They never bossed him around. Not once, but he giggled at their joke. He had definitely seen other tutoring pods that did use the first years as book-runners. It was nice collecting little spots of safety like this. Now he had Frank and Alice to add to his collection of trustworthy and safe people. His list was growing steadily. It was novel for him to have all these people in his life now. He loved learning the world around him but he also loved learning and interacting with the people. Everyone seemed to see things so differently! At first he thought he was the only one who stuck out and thought or felt different, but he kept meeting people and discovering that wasn’t true.

People like Alice and Frank were like his hideaway nooks. Places he could trust to ensconce him and keep him safe. They never allowed bullies to approach him when they were studying. They never let bad words get to them either. He hoped that maybe someday he could tell them about the werewolf thing, about his own transformations, and feel even safer with them.

He left the library that day feeling a little bit better then when he’d left the infirmary. He reminded himself that even if the adults failed him he still had a lot of wonderful new people in his life. He headed straight to the dorm room, dropping his books carefully on the end of his bed, and then crawled behind Sirius’ curtains. He found his best friend there, flopped on his back with a comic and dressed in his silly silk pajama slacks and a muggle shirt.

“Hey.” Remus said, flopping onto his back beside him and sticking his head over to look at the comic. “Whatcha reading?”

Sirius paused for a beat, seemingly surprised at Remus' attitude. They had been rubbing each other the wrong way lately. But then he grinned and shifted so that Remus could hold up one half of the comic so they could both see it.

“James leant it to me. It's about this young Quidditch player that gets struck by lightning during a game and gets the ability to talk to magical creatures.”

“Sounds weird.” Remus remarked.

Sirius laughed and nodded. “It is. Super weird. But it's got a lot of Quidditch jargon in there so I know why James likes it. All the creatures are funny though. Look at this Boggle.”

Remus shifted his head onto Sirius’ shoulder to see the Boggle better. “Silly.” He said with a happy grin.

“Yeah. It is.”

“I love all this wizard stuff. Getting to see it.”

“Me too.” Sirius said quietly. Remus thought of some of the whispered conversations he’d overheard between James and Sirius. He thought of Walburga Black and the dark home that Sirius lived in.

“Sirius...I’m sorry for saying that stuff about you being a pureblood.” Remus said slowly. “It shouldn’t matter to me and it doesn’t. It's just...I can’t talk about the transformations right now, okay? That's what's good for me. It's not against you I just...Want to be normal here.”

“Okay Moony.” Sirius said, and Remus knew he was still struggling with it, but maybe it was a little bit better.

“You’re still my best friend.”

“I know. You’re mine.”

“And I trust you. I do.”

Sirius was quiet at this and Remus turned to face him. “I do ” Remus reiterated more forcefully and Sirius finally nodded and gave him a hopeful smile.

“Trust you too.” He said back.

“I’m sorry I’m not as good with words as James is.”

Sirius laughed and shut the comic and turned to Remus. “That's alright. Neither am I.”

Remus nodded. Friendship repaired. It wasn’t as hard as he had thought. “Want to go down to the common room? I think I almost have the rules to wizard’s chess down.”

Sirius rolled his eyes but clambered from bed. “No you don’t, Moony. You can’t just flick the pieces off the board when you don’t agree with someone’s move.”

Remus shrugged and tugged off his robe and tie to get comfier to head downstairs. “I mean Peter never said that wasn’t acceptable.” He said cheekily

Sirius shoved at him lightly and laughed. “You know Peter cheats at chess though!”

“Do I? Or is he just better than you at it?” Remus tossed a grin over his shoulder as he headed down to the common room with Sirius following.

“He cheats!” Sirius insisted.

Remus just laughed at that and settled down at one of the chess tables. They got to play a few games before Lily came and joined them, flopped on the floor with a book beside them. Peter showed up next, looking frazzled and ranting about how the worst detention you could get was polishing telescopes in the astronomy tower, and James showed up last with messy hair and a massive smile and plenty of chatter about the Quidditch practice he’d just watched. Their little pod grew steadily through the evening, they were joined by Mary and Dorcas soon enough. Marlene snuck into the common room as she always did. Remus was quite happy at the moment. 

Remus got to watch as Sirius grew brighter and brighter the more people came to join them. He started talking more with his hands, telling jokes, and getting distracted from the chess to talk loudly with the others. Remus liked seeing him like this, suiting his namesake very well, and he had missed it when they’d been fighting. Eventually he gave up on chess, just sitting with his chin in his hands and watching his friends. This group was his favorite hideaway. He didn’t need to even talk or participate too much. He just needed to be with them. He’d make sure to always keep them around, he thought. Even when they were adults they would be together. And they would be the adults that Remus could depend upon. They already kept him safe now, even if not all of them knew what he was. They knew him.

Chapter Text

In a strange way Hogwarts had started to become normal to Remus. As the weeks passed he started to properly slot into the routine of the school. Now he wasn’t a ghost in the halls or an invisible outsider. Now he was a student and he stuck to the routines of all the other students. His varied slightly, of course. When other students would be finishing up for the day he had his tutoring sessions with Alice. His shaky handwriting and horrid spelling got slowly better and his reading was passable entirely. 

He also had his infirmary routine which all his friends had gotten used to, that after lunch he would visit with Madam Pomfrey to take his potions. His friends all just thought he was sick with some disease he didn’t talk about. Which, truthfully, he was. They kindly didn’t ask too many questions, though sometimes Mary got nosy.

Then there was the normalcy of his friends now, which didn’t just mean the Marauders. He now had Lily and Mary and Dorcas in Gryffindor with him, and Marlene. Severus would sometimes sit with them if it was just him and Lily, but Remus still felt uneasy around this Slytherin boy. Sometimes he got to meet Alice and Frank’s friends too and that was neat. He met Emmeline Vance this way, another Ravenclaw like Alice. Everyday he felt like he met more and more people. 

Not all the people he met were pleasant, of course. There was his new normal of being bullied now also. He didn’t talk about it with the Marauders. They were all above being bullied and he didn’t need one more way to feel different from his best friends. His face and different demeanor seemed to make him an easy target to people. He still tried to keep his head down and to not fight back too much. It was nothing compared to the Menagerie and he wouldn’t jeopardize his schooling by fighting back.

Remus spent his days looking over his shoulder now, trying to avoid bullies when he wasn’t with his friends. He found that traveling with the other Marauders was the easiest way to stay safe, but they all had different schedules. James was often at the Quidditch pitch and Peter had a myriad of friends and Sirius was taking some remedial potions courses to be able to pass first year. If he was lucky he would see one of the girls, link arms with them, and be protected by yet another friend.

That didn’t work for Bellatrix though. Sirius’ cousin seemed to have a quiet terrifying vendetta against him, ever since that afternoon after his first flying lesson when he had dared stand up to her and she had pressed her wand to his head. The older student seemed to be always keeping an eye on him and that unsettled him. He would be in the library laughing with Alice, turn his head, and there would be Bellatrix. Or sometimes in the Great Hall he would see her watching him. Her eyes were so black and unsettling. There were not many similarities between Sirius and Bellatrix in personality but there was something about the face that was familiar and that was also unsettling.

She reminded him of Regulus in a way, the dark and scary reality of what a Black was supposed to be and how terribly lucky he was that Sirius was not like this. Even Regulus wasn’t as hateful as she was, that much he knew. Bellatrix was different from the other bullies too. She didn’t bother with silly hexes or cutting words. She was brutal in her cruelty, and she was far more clever than the majority of his bullies.

Bellatrix never seemed to be the one causing him harm, and yet he knew it was she who was orchestrating it. He would have a gaggle of Slytherins surround him, toss his books out a window, and when it was all over he would look to the side and see Bellatrix watching. Or he would find that somehow the door of a classroom would lock him out making him miss a class and lose points, and he would look down the hall and Bellatrix would be there. She seemed determinedly set against him and he knew it was because he had dared to challenge her and to protect Sirius from her. If Remus wanted to survive the end of his first year without his professors expelling him he needed to keep a low profile. Bellatrix Black was making that very hard.

Today Remus had finished up his tutoring and then he had hung around with Alice, Frank, and Emmeline just listening to the older students chatting in the library. He hadn’t wanted to leave because he knew it was a long solo walk back to the dorm and part of him wanted to walk back with Alice but he got the feeling they wanted the firstie to leave. So eventually he dragged himself up, grabbed his books, and started on his way. He had a habit of taking strange and winding passages, away from the main staircase. He was building a mental map in his mind of all the darkest and most secret portions of the castle. He already knew quite a lot from when he was invisible. 

He trotted along one such corridor now, a narrow and dark passage that would cut through the fifth floor and lead to a narrow staircase up to the seventh. It wasn’t used by students often though sometimes Ravenclaws used it since it let out near their dorm room. The hallway normally smelled a bit musty and damp and the lighting was a bit poor most days. Today the hallway had a light floral scent hanging in the air and he tilted his nose and sniffed in appreciation. It was a nice perfume, whoever had it, and it definitely made walking down this corridor more bearable.

As he walked the smell grew stronger and he really hoped he wasn’t about to come upon two older students snogging or something. He hated when that happened, but if one traveled secret passages often enough then one saw plenty of snogging. He started up the narrow staircase that would take him right outside of Ravenclaw tower, and when he reached the top he found Bellatrix.

The older student was leaning casually against a window sill in the last narrow bit of corridor, tapping her wand against her arm and she seemed like she was waiting for something, someone. Remus froze and instantly took a step back, but it was too late. She had noticed him.

“Studying late then?” Bellatrix said with a smile.

Waiting for him. How had she known he would come this way? He supposed he’d been using it a lot lately, hadn’t he? She must have noticed since she always watched him. His breath caught in his throat and he inched over to the far wall, wanting to skirt around her. She was giving him such an unnerving smile. She had never confronted him like this and he knew it couldn’t be good.

“Yes. Studying late.” He said quickly. “Exams.”

“Exams.” Bellatrix repeated the word and then let out a little laugh. “Such a shame to waste your time on those when you’re never going to amount to anything, little mudblood.”

Bellatrix loved to use that word against him. She just assumed what he was though Remus didn’t even know himself if his parents were muggles or not.

“Okay.” He said softly. He’d found it was best not to argue with the bullies if he wanted things to end sooner.

“I have exams too, you know.” Bellatrix said blithely. “Final ones. Then of course I finally get to step into a proper role.”

Remus nodded, taking a few small steps along the far wall as Bellatrix’s dark eyes followed him. He didn’t know why she was talking to him but he knew he wanted to get around the narrow way and run down to the small thin door that would lead into a more main hallway.

“After I graduate I will be able to do magic that this silly school doesn’t teach.” Bellatrix said, tilting her hand and twirling a curl with her finger. “So hard to study those things when this school loves to hamper pureblood excellence. Perhaps you could help me, little mudblood.”

“Oh. Uh. No, I don’t think I’d be much help.” Remus said quickly, taking a few more steps. He had no idea what she was getting at but it didn’t seem good.

“No. I think you can.” Bellatrix said coldly, flicking her wand in his direction. 

Remus felt his body freeze up and fear overtook him. He hated being under Petrificus Totalus but it seemed to be a favorite of all his bullies. His eyes moved frantically side to side but Bellatrix was in his periphery and he couldn’t see her properly. He hated feeling like his body was a cage to him!

Bellatrix stepped around him with a cruel smile on her face. She tapped her wand against his cheek and tilted her head. He was reminded of a serpentine sort of predator, her eyes were cold and distant and he knew she didn’t see him as anything more than prey.

“There are some spells I’ve wanted to practice for a very long time.” Bellatrix said in a low voice. “Spells that I am going to need after school, but spells that this school scorns. You’re a perfect little practice dummy, aren’t you? Nobody cares about the little mudblood orphan. Poor thing.” 

She pouted. “And Sirius doesn’t even notice, does he? Well of course not. Despite what you may think, hanging off his coattails, you’ll never be anything to him. Sirius, despite his errant ways, is above you.”

Remus wanted to growl and snap at her. He wished he could crane his head up to see her properly, but the older student loomed over him and he couldn’t see what she was planning. He hoped someone would come along down the corridor!

Suddenly the binding spell ended and Remus dropped his books in surprise. He stumbled forward a bit, eager to run for the door, but Bellatrix was faster. 

“Imperio!”

Remus came to a stop as suddenly he found he was not afraid. In fact he felt quite good. His head felt light and floaty and all the worries that typically plagued him seemed miles away. Why exactly had he been scared of Bellatrix? She was only a seventh year and only Sirius’ cousin. There wasn’t a thing in the world to be anxious about. Remus let out a pleased little sigh as his mind adjusted to being carefree and light. This was a wonderful feeling.

“Turn around.” Bellatrix said, her voice eager.

Remus turned around. Why shouldn’t he? It was a perfectly reasonable request. Bellatrix was standing there with a wide and unhinged smile on her face. No, not unhinged. Just excited, that was all. She was beautiful and she smelled like the nicest perfume and Remus really wasn’t scared at all of her.

“Oh, little mudblood. I’ve wanted to practice this spell for ages.” Bellatrix said, stepping forward “Are you glad you could help me?”

Remus nodded.

“Well of course you are.” Bellatrix said, with the most lovely pout of her bottom lip. Her hand graced his cheek. “Poor little boy. You know you’re not very good for anything else, are you? You know you belong beneath us. Only good for spell practice, aren’t you?”

Remus nodded.

“I understand. It's simply your lot in life. You never belonged at this school but since you have ended up here it is only right that us purebloods are allowed to use you as intended. Correct?”

Remus nodded.

Bellatrix let out a musical laugh of delight and stepped away from Remus. “Good. Now. Time to see how well this spell really works. Beyond scholastic theory.”

She pointed her wand at Remus and Remus swayed on his feet. He wasn’t scared. He felt good.

“Bow.” She commanded, flicking her wand, and Remus bowed low to her. It made sense and it didn’t cause him any bother to do it. He wouldn’t want to upset Bellatrix when there was really no need.

She let out a shrill laugh that would have been ugly had it not been Bellatrix. “Kneel.”

Perfectly reasonable as well and Remus let himself drop to his knees. His knees smashed into the stone floor so hard that his jaw snapped together in a jarring manner. No bother though. He didn’t react to the pain of it.

“Oh. Interesting.” Bellatrix said, her eyes widening. “I’d read that you would be tamed, even in pain but I hadn’t hoped to believe…” Bellatrix watched him, tapping her wand against her perfect lips.

“Break your finger.” She decreed, swishing her wand out again.

Remus looked up at the older student and lifted both hands. He faltered briefly though as some fear lanced through the happy peaceful quiet of his mind. He could see his one hand reaching out to grip his pinky finger but he stopped and resisted. Bellatrix looked upset and he noticed a bead of sweat rolling down her face. 

“Break your finger .” Bellatrix declared with more force and Remus felt the peacefulness wash back over him. He heard a snap and stared at his pinky which was now sitting at a right angle.

Bellatrix was laughing and she had such a lovely laugh, echoing loud and piercing along the corridor. She looked very pleased and proud of herself and Remus was terribly happy for her happiness. His hands were still held before him. The fear again. Why was his pinky like that? His breathing came harder, just for a few labored breaths. Why was his finger…

“Place your hand on the ground, the one with the broken finger.” Bellatrix intoned, pointing her wand at him. She was really sweating now, her curls falling out of her bun and sticking damply to her forehead. She still managed to look beautiful.

Remus put his hand on the ground, staring at his finger in confusion as his body and his mind warred against one another.

“You will remain silent .” Bellatrix ordered before her foot came smashing down on his hand, right over his finger. Remus watched as she ground it into the flooring again and again but he stayed quiet. He saw dark drops of moisture around his hand and plopping down onto his robes as well; blood splattered from his hand as tears dropped from his eyes. The floating in his head was so strong now that he wasn’t sure if he was really in this hallway or not.

Bellatrix stepped away from him and she was breathing hard. The front of her shirt was damp with sweat and she looked wildly lovely. Remus flopped over onto his side and watched her with wide eyes. He was waiting for another command though his breathing was coming fast and ragged.

“Enough of this.” Bellatrix said, pushing aside some of her sweat-damp curls. “I have another spell I want to try.”

When she pointed her wand at him it was shaking and Remus distantly thought that this was very powerful magic and she was very tired. Poor Bellatrix. He wished she wasn’t so tired. He would have done whatever she wanted!

“Crucio.” Bellatrix intoned.

Remus felt nothing. Bellatrix looked annoyed and waved her wand more forcibly and said the spell again. Nothing happened. She let out a noise of frustration and lashed out with a kick. Remus curled up but didn’t make a sound.

“Tiring.” Bellatrix said to herself. “Enough practice for the day, I suppose. We will try my other spell next time, Little Mudblood.”

Remus nodded. He would be ever so happy to help Bellatrix out with her studying again soon.

She smiled. “I hope this puts into perspective how much greater we are than you. Your weak mudblood mind can’t resist this spell at all, can it? Pitiful.”

She stepped forward and stood above him and Remus just shifted his head and stared up at her and hoped that she would give him another command. He loved this floating worriless plane and he didn’t want to be done helping her.

“If only Sirius could see you like this.” Bellatrix sighed, putting a hand on her waist as she looked down at him. “Perhaps then he would remember his own place. Above you.” She smiled beautifully.

Remus whimpered.

“Get up.” She ordered and Remus dragged himself weakly upright and swayed on his feet. He was still far from his worries but he felt dizzy too, and his stomach felt sick. The weight of the magic on his mind, cast by an untrained and eager hand, was starting to wear at him.

“Best get this done with. You won’t tell anyone about this.” Bellatrix said, brushing sweaty curls back from her forehead. She pointed her wand one last time and made a harsh motion towards the stairs that Remus had previously come up. 

“Throw yourself down the stairs, mudblood.”

Remus stumbled forward, blindly obeying the command of the curse. He wasn’t scared when he stood at the top of the long narrow flight of stairs and looked down. It was very easy to throw himself down them as Bellatrix commanded, and it was easy for his body to roll along, bumping down them until he finally came to a stop at the bottom, his head slamming against the stone floor before he rolled onto his back. Remus craned his head to look up towards Bellatrix, he could only see a distant silhouette of her now. He hoped she was happy. He was happy to have done as she asked as he laid there all akimbo.

Bellatrix tucked her wand into the pocket of her uniform skirt and walked away. Remus laid in a happy little blissful state for five minutes. Then the pain came. Remus felt like he was snapping back into himself and he cried out as suddenly his hand and his body throbbed in pain. There was blood around him on the stone floor and there were tears and snot on his face though he didn’t know he had been crying. His finger was broken and his eyes widened in terror as he remembered that he had broken it. His head throbbed in pain and he knew he was covered in bruises from throwing himself down the stairs. He’d done that to himself too! What had she used on him? He couldn’t remember! His breathing came in fast terrified pants as he realized how terribly weak he was. He hadn’t been able to resist her magic at all. He stared up at the ceiling as terrified little sobs began to come. 

He didn’t know how long he laid there on his back, crying and struggling to understand what had just happened to him. He was scared. The pain was not the worst he had ever experienced, but the terror of the whole event was all encompassing. He had never felt so scared and useless, except possibly with the hunters.

“Remus!” He heard a horrified and frantic voice and running footsteps and then Alice’s face was hovering over him.

He started to cry harder as his tutor scooped him up into her arms and lifted him easily.

“Shhh shhh honey it's okay.” Alice said carefully. “I’ve got you. I’ve got you now. We’re going right to Madam Pomfrey. I promise, honey.”

Remus nodded even as his mouth was open in ugly wrenching sobs of fear. He could feel blood dripping from his hand and he struggled to lift it onto his chest so he wouldn’t get it all over the floor. Shouldn’t make a mess. Didn’t want to get expelled.

“My books.” He said weakly, hiccupping as his sobs subsided slightly. They were somewhere brighter now and he got the sense that Alice had been carrying him a while.

She looked down at him in surprise and then smiled “Remus I’ll get your books later. Alright? You don’t need to worry about that right now.”

“Love my books.” Remus mumbled softly.

“I know you do. I know. Why don’t you close your eyes, sweetheart? Just rest.”

Remus nodded. That sounded like a good idea. Now that the fear was leaving him, because he was safe with Alice, he felt utterly exhausted. When he closed his eyes he felt like he could float off. The throbbing pain was the final lullaby that put him into a sleepy daze.

*  *  *

Madam Pomfrey looked up as someone entered the infirmary. If it was another boils victim she was just going to have a fit! Someone had clearly slipped a boils potion into the drinking fountain on the fourth floor and she’d been treating the affliction all day. When she looked up however she saw Alice carrying Remus and her eyes widened briefly before she hurried over. The boy’s uniform was rumpled and she could see far too much blood to be on any child.

“Bring him here, Alice.” She said quickly, flicking aside the curtain to Remus’ usual corner bed.

She leant a hand to help lay the boy down and she quickly assessed his injuries. “Do you know what happened?” She asked Alice as she readied her wand and gently took his hand. A broken and horribly mangled finger. Perhaps a few cracks in the rest of the hand from force. A large gash on his forehead and a body covered in bruises.

“No.” Alice said, sounding shaky. “I found him sobbing like this in one of the side passages.”

Pomfrey waved her wand to summon a chair for Alice, as well as a glass of water. She didn’t need the girl fainting away on her. She turned her wand to Remus’ hand then, carefully beginning to heal it as the little boy whimpered in his sleep.

“I know he’s being bullied.” Alice said miserably. “Frank and I know the signs pretty well. I mean...being transgender at this school definitely made us both targets for a while. I know what to look for and I’ve noticed it in Remus. I’ve tried asking but he never likes to talk about it.”

Alice hung her head and buried her face in her hands. “I feel so horrible. The poor thing. He’s such a good kid. He doesn’t deserve all this.”

“Certainly not.” Madam Pomfrey said, running her wand over the boy’s bruised stomach and healing that too. Remus was shaking in his sleep, something she hadn’t seen even after the full moons.

“I should have walked him back to his dorm after tutoring.” Alice said in frustration, pounding a fist onto her thigh. “I just wanted to stay and chat with my friends but I should have-”

“Hush now. None of that. This is not your fault.” Poppy said sternly as she appraised the fifth year student. “There is no use dwelling on what-ifs, my dear. We can only go forward and keep an eye on him so it doesn’t happen again.”

Alice nodded but Poppy could see the misery in her eyes. “Come dear. Let’s let Remus sleep. I’ve healed him and he will rest quite easy.” Poppy said gently. “We can have a cup of tea in my office. I’ll write up a note so you won’t get in trouble for being out after hours, alright?”

Alice looked miserable but she nodded and Poppy led the girl into her office and set to making tea. Alice was another one of her more regular patients since it was Poppy who helped administer her hormone potions and help with any bodily changes that might be affecting her. She’d been helping Alice along for years now, ever since the girl had come out and whenever Alice came for her hormone treatment they would usually have a cuppa and chat about schooling.

Alice was exceptionally bright and exceptionally caring. She reminded Poppy of Minerva in many regards though Alice was much more externally warm than Minerva had ever been when they were in school together. Still they had that same unapologetic nature for who they were and they both were brilliant and kind witches. When Remus had needed a tutor it had been obvious in Poppy’s mind on who it should be and Minerva had seconded the recommendation of Alice. 

Poppy was secretly very pleased that her two young wards were getting along, and shy Frank Longbottom as well! That was a plus she hadn’t seen. She hoped they would give Remus the self-confidence that he was going to need while dealing with his Lycanthrophy. 

Poppy turned about with the two mugs of tea in time to see Alice wiping away a bunch of tears. She passed her the mug and then a tissue.

“How do you do it, Madam Pomfrey?” Alice asked miserably. “See people you love in pain? I felt horrible when I was carrying him. It felt like every time I moved I would accidentally bump him and he kept making these whimpers and…”

“It's not easy.” Poppy said softly. “But seeing people I love in pain is the reason I decided I needed to become a healer. It was my method of soothing that pain.”

“I don’t think I could do it.”

Poppy watched her for a few long moments before speaking again. “Would you like to learn some healing spells, Alice?”

Alice looked up with a frown “But I-”

Poppy smiled at her softly. “I didn’t think I could do it either, dear. When I learned some healing spells it gave me more stability and more control. It let me feel like I could face situations that before I couldn’t. I used to weep a lot when I was around your age. Any little thing would set me off. Learning healing spells helped me feel like I could actually help a situation.”

The young Ravenclaw student looked contemplative for a while and Poppy let her sip her tea and think. “I think...Okay maybe I’d like to learn a few. Just in case.”

Poppy smiled and nodded. “Very well then. We can meet on Fridays after your classes, dear.”

Alice nodded, her black bob bouncing along gently. Poppy leaned forward to tug some parchment towards herself and wrote up a quick note. “Now I should send you off to bed because it is past curfew. Here, a note in case Filch gives you trouble.”

“Thanks, Madam Pomfrey.” Alice said, taking the note and setting her empty mug down. “I’ll see you Friday then. Can I sit with Remus a bit before I leave?”

“Of course, dear. I’m sure he’d like that.” Poppy assured the girl. She stood and opened the office door for Alice and followed her out. Poppy set to organizing a potions cabinet on the side that was already perfectly neat. There she could keep an eye on both her wards. Remus was snoring now which was always a good sign for him. Alice looked pale and worried and Poppy understood that the girl didn’t know how to handle this. She wished that Alice hadn’t had to see Remus like that at all. These poor children shouldn’t have to face such things but with the growing political unrest Poppy was beginning to fear that things would only get worse.

It tugged on her own heartstrings to know that she had to see Remus like this on a day that wasn’t a Full Moon. The boy already dealt with so much pain and for him to also be dealing with bullies seemed beyond cruel. The child was so young and so endearing to her. She wished she could protect him from all such harm. Children could be exceptionally cruel though and she knew that Remus stuck out with his odd nature and his scars. It seemed the bullies of Hogwarts seemed to have latched on to that. Heavens knew there were enough entitled pureblood children at this school that didn’t yet know how to interact with anyone different than them! Whoever had done this to her ward was going to be found out and appropriately disciplined. Poppy nearly dropped a vial as she heard a whimper from where Remus slept. She hurried over and soothed a hand through his hair gently, coaxing him back down into a more easy sleep. 

*  *  *

Hours later Remus stirred and cracked his eyes open and then immediately sat upright. It wasn’t just Madam Pomfrey at his bed, but also Professor McGonagall, the head of his house.

“Am I in trouble?” He blurted out right away, worry lancing through him.

“Goodness no!” Madam Pomfrey said quickly, stepping forward and handing him a potion. He recognized the usual draught and drank it down. “Not in trouble. Professor McGonagall is here so you can talk to us both about what happened, dear.”

“Oh.” Remus looked down and examined his hand. It was all healed and no part of him hurt any longer. The fear was still there though. “I don’t know.”

“You don’t know?” Professor McGonagall sounded doubtful and Remus ducked his head lower and scrunched his shoulders up to his ears.

He didn’t want to tell them, and felt like he couldn’t. Bellatrix would get in trouble if he told them and he feared what her wrath would become then, and what it would mean for Sirius. Besides, it seemed silly when he couldn’t remember the spell and had no proof. Dumbledore had told him not to draw attention to himself and he was terrified of his being bullied becoming a catalyst for him to be labeled as ‘troublesome’ and then expelled.

“I’m fine. It's fine now. My hand doesn’t hurt any longer.” He said quickly.

“Remus, you need to tell us what student did this to you.” Professor McGonagall said sternly. “Are they in Gryffindor, is that why you seem to be protecting their identity.”

“No, I just don’t know.” Remus said earnestly, even though he did. “I go down that corridor a lot to avoid bullies but it's dark and narrow and they must have come up behind me and then I don’t, um, remember much.”

“You hit your head very hard, dear.” Madam Pomfrey said to Remus and then more quietly to Professor McGonagall. “The boy doesn’t know, Minerva.”

“Poppy-”

“No, there is no use pressing him. He’s gone through enough.” Madam Pomfrey insisted before turning to Remus and speaking gently. “Remus if you remember anything in the next few days I would like it if you would come to me or to Professor McGonagall and tell us, okay? This other student attacked you quite viciously and we do not want to see any such thing happen again. Not to you or to any other student. If you can’t remember that's perfectly alright, dear. You’re not in any trouble, I assure you.”

Remus nodded, looking between the two women and sinking back against his pillow. “Can I go back to my room tonight?”

“Is that what you want? You’re more than welcome to rest here, dear.”

“No...No I want to see my friends.”

“I can walk you back to Gryffindor Tower.” McGonagall said kindly. “To ensure you get there safely.”

Madam Pomfrey gave Professor McGonagall a kind sort of look and nodded. Remus clambered from the bed and gave a small wave to Madam Pomfrey as he left with his professor. Professor McGonagall walked quickly and sometimes Remus had to jog a little to keep up, even with his long legs. The climb to Gryffindor Tower had gotten easier and easier over the months and he was only panting a little when they came to the portrait and Professor McGonagall gave the password.

“Now, get some rest.” Professor McGonagall said, looking down at him. “I am sorry this has happened to you, Remus. You certainly face enough hurdles already at this school.”

“It's alright.” Remus said, biting down on his bottom lip. “The school is worth the hurdles.”

Professor McGonagall gave him a little small smile then and nodded. “Good. I will eagerly await your Transfiguration paper on Monday.”

“Yes Professor!” Remus said quickly before scurrying inside. It was several hours past curfew and the common room was dark and quiet. He headed up the staircase to the dorm room quickly, not wanting to stop in the dark narrow place for even a second. He felt like he could hear Bellatrix’s laugh.

When he entered the dorm room he expected the quiet of three sleeping boys but instead he found all three boys sitting in a circle together, holding their wands with Lumos on the ends.

“Moony!” Sirius was the first to leap up and run to him, seizing him in a hug. Remus hugged back with a sigh of relief.

“Where have you been? We were so worried about you. I thought maybe something terrible happened.”

Remus wiggled from Sirius’ arms and looked over to James and Peter who looked equally worried and tired.

“I’m okay now. Um. I had a run in with some mean students and needed to go to the infirmary.”

“What?” James was on his feet then, Peter close behind. “Who? Remus, I’ll fight them!”

Remus shook his head quickly. “No you don’t need to fight anyone. Or prank anyone either. I’m really fine now. Alice got me to the infirmary and Madam Pomfrey healed me and Professor McGonagall got me back here. It's all fine.”

“You’re being bullied a lot, aren’t you?” Peter said mournfully. James and Sirius both looked at him and then back to Remus. Remus wished Peter hadn’t said anything.

“Not a lot. Just sometimes.” Remus said, crossing his arms defensively. “Cause nobody knows if I’m a mudblood or not and my face looks funny and I’m not as fast as other students.”

“Your face isn’t funny!” Sirius said quickly just as James said “You’re brilliant, Moony!”

Remus smiled and looked down at his feet at both of his loud bold friends complimenting him. He knew his face was funny and he knew he wasn’t brilliant, but when they said it he almost believed it for a moment. He didn’t really know what to say though.

“I’m tired.” He said softly. “It was a scary night.”

The other three boys nodded though he could tell they still had questions. He was glad to be able to grab his pajamas and head to the bathroom to change and brush his teeth. When he emerged James and Peter were already in bed but Sirius was hovering about anxiously.

“Sirius?” He questioned, moving to tug back the curtains on his bed to climb in.

“Do you want me to sleep with you?” Sirius asked quickly. “It's not embarrassing if you need that. Reg does it sometimes and you know James and I do-”

“I’d like that.” Remus said quickly, interrupting him.

Sirius grinned and hopped over, clambering onto the bed and shutting the curtains. Both boys crawled under the covers and turned to face one another. They’d done this in Sirius’ bedroom before, after the cage, and it had made Remus feel safe.

“Thanks,” He whispered softly.

“Of course, Moony.” Sirius said “You’re safe.”

“I know.” Remus said, closing his eyes.

*  *  *

It had been a few days since Remus had ended up in the infirmary. Sirius felt on edge with every little thing. Remus hadn’t wanted to talk about the bullying and Sirius understood that. It was hard to talk about being hurt and being scared. He tried not to push him and he tried very hard to never let his best friend be alone. When he wasn’t with Remus he was worried about him but there was also James and Peter who tried equally as hard to ensure that their Moony was never alone in the halls. 

He noticed that Remus was especially wary when it came to stairwells and he usually tried to channel James and talk a lot whenever they were climbing up or down them so that Remus would have something to laugh at. Things got lighter and better the more days passed since the incident, but Remus still seemed haunted.

It made him angry that anyone would hurt his Moony and if he ever found out who did it then he was going to find a way to hurt them back. He didn’t care who it was or how much older they were, they deserved it. Remus had once protected him from pain and Sirius had intended to do the same by bringing him to Hogwarts, but it seemed that Remus was still always in pain and in the infirmary.

When he couldn’t be beside Moony he felt irritated and annoyed. His lunches with his cousins were the very worst for that. Bellatrix seemed more grating than normal. In fact the closer she got to graduating the more she seemed to be utterly fine with talking about darker topics. Meals now turned into him flinching repeatedly as his eldest cousin dropped slur after slur and quietly debated the coming eradication of Muggles as if it was a given. Narcissa would just nod along serenely and Andromeda took to reading a book during meals. Sirius felt like he was on his own even though he knew Andromeda didn’t like the talk any more than he did. 

Currently Bellatrix was ranting about some horrid thing and Sirius was blindly trying to just make it through. His anxieties were only compounded when a letter plopped down onto his plate and he looked up to see the family’s Eagle Owl swooping away. Another letter from mother. He sighed and nearly tucked it away when he noticed that Bellatrix had stopped talking and was giving him this strange smile. Sirius frowned and slipped the letter into his pocket, hating that Bellatrix knew about the harsh realities inside them and that she relished seeing his pain.

Bellatrix tilted her head and continued to smile at him and Sirius couldn’t help the shudder that passed through him. Bellatrix grinned wider then, and her eyes moved past his shoulder. Sirius frowned and turned around to see what she was staring at and his heart began to pound faster. She was staring at Remus who was sitting with James and Peter at the Gryffindor table, laughing over some story James was telling. Sirius’ head whipped back around and stared at his cousin in dawning horror. Bellatrix just let out a laugh that was still beautiful to his ears at this point in life, though cold and horrific due to the cause of her mirth. Later on that laugh would twist and darken and begin to haunt him. Bellatrix’s laugh would someday haunt the corridors of his nightmares like it had haunted Remus’ nightmares last night. Right now he knew with certainty that Bellatrix knew about what happened to Remus, that she delighted in it. His jaw clenched and his eyes narrowed as blinding rage shot through him. He would never forgive her for this and he would not ever bow to her control again. He stood, shoving back away from the Slytherin table and from the hateful nature of his family.

“Sirius?” Andromeda straightened and closed her book, looking at him in worry.

“Yes, Sirius.” Narcissa said. “Sit back down.”

“No.” Sirius snapped, holding contact with Bellatrix. “No. I don’t sit with snakes.” He spat out.

“Careful-” Andromeda started and he glared at her. 

He loved his cousin, he did, but he couldn’t do what she did. She slipped under the radar and played by the rules to have her second life on the side. He refused to do that if it meant that Bellatrix and Narcissa would constantly be harming his friends. He wanted to be himself. He was finally deciding that himself had nothing to do with being a Black.

“I’m done with this. I’m not a Slytherin. I’m a Gryffindor. From now on I’m eating with my friends.” He declared. “And you can’t stop me.”

He turned on his heel and marched over to Gryffindor table and sat down hard next to Remus and slung a protective arm about his friend’s shoulders. He didn’t know why Remus had hid the fact that Bellatrix had been involved, but he suspected Remus had been trying to protect him again.

“Hey mate.” James said in surprise.

Remus turned his head around and looked back towards Slytherin and Sirius tightened his arm on him. Remus frowned and looked at him critically. 

“Sirius..” Remus’ voice was cautious and worried.

Sirius turned to him and gave him his brightest smile. “I’m alright, Moony.”

Remus seemed to stare at him for a few moments before letting out a little grunt and nodding. He leaned into Sirius slightly. “James was telling us about his next idea for a prank. Involves transfiguration. You’re good at that.”

“Oh yeah!” James said, seeming to get that they were not going to be talking about the boggart in the room quite yet. “I want to turn everyone’s quills into something during final exams!”

Sirius let out a half-hearted laugh as his heart pounded in his chest. His palms were sweaty and terrified. His mother’s letter seemed to burn against his chest. He had just defied her rules and she would most certainly hear about it. Soon enough he would be going home for Summer break and she would have plenty to say about this. But it felt like a turning point. The same sort as Christmas with Remus when he had known their world was about to change. It was changing again and, though it terrified him, he was hopeful and eager to see the new him.

“What do we change them into?” Sirius asked, leaning his forearms on the table to get into the plan with the other Marauders.

Remus was right. He was good at Transfiguration.

Chapter Text

“Seems weird to be going home already.” James declared from where he was taking down Quidditch posters from around his bed. “I feel like just yesterday we were heisting a werewolf”

Peter snorted “It's been like six months. Your concept of time is off.”

“Yeah. That werewolf we heisted can almost write a full sentence now!” Sirius joked.

“Oi!” Remus said from across the room before whipping a book over at Sirius with deadly accuracy.

Sirius yelped and rubbed his arm before sticking his tongue out at his best friend. He really shouldn’t insult him when Remus had hard objects around. His aim was a bit insane. And it was very close to the moon so his throws hurt quite a bit.

Remus put his hands on his hips and glared. “I can write nearly two full sentences, thank you very much.” He joked “And I can correctly use every charm without blowing something up.”

James let out a bark of a laugh. “He’s got you there, Black.”

Sirius scowled but it quickly turned into a laugh as well. His charms still were not up to snuff but he thought he’d done alright with the final paper and the exams. He’d made it through a year with his troublesome wand.

“So should we talk about our potions final then?” Peter piped up cheerily “Because I distinctly remember Slughorn moaning about two errant students…”

Sirius and Remus both turned to square up against Peter who was grinning from ear to ear knowing he had definitely poked the bear with that one. Sirius and Remus shared a look and nodded at one another.

“I’ll get his arms.” Remus declared.

“My arms? Wait-” Peter held up his hands. “What?”

Remus rushed forward to grab at him while Sirius set to tickling the boy’s stomach. Peter wiggled and laughed and managed to kick Sirius right in the gut before Remus allowed him to escape his strong grip.

“James!” Peter protested, bent over and panting. “You could’ve helped!”

“Never tussle with a werewolf this close to a full moon.” James said sagely.

Sirius sat down hard on the ground, rubbing at his stomach with a groan. “Never tussle with a Pettigrew either. They kick hard. Ouch.”

He flopped onto his back and then rolled onto his side so he could watch as James and Peter returned to packing. James was tossing things wildly into his trunk, humming a bit of a Beatles song, and not really caring about the state of things. The only things he seemed to be gentle with were his Quidditch posters. Peter, on the other hand, was carefully folding up his clothes and setting things away neatly and precisely. Both of them were nearly finished and Sirius hadn’t even started packing yet.

He moaned and rolled straight under James bed and let out a long noise of anguish. “Moooooooony.” He moaned. “Can’t I hide here and stay with you this summer?”

The skirt of the bed moved aside and he saw Remus crouched and peering at him. “You’re getting dusty.” His friend informed him.

“Nu’uh. Magical cleaning spells.” Sirius said right before sneezing.

“Old castle. Old spells.” Remus said right back. “Sirius come out and start packing. You’re making it hurt more by doing it like this.”

“Yeah mate, think he’s right.” James said, lifting up the bed skirt on the other side.

“You both hate me.” Sirius lamented dramatically. He knew he was being dramatic and making it worse, but it also felt good to have both his friends worrying about him. And he didn’t want to pack. Not at all. Packing meant accepting that he was leaving Hogwarts soon. Packing meant going home back to 12 Grimmauld place for several months. Packing meant losing this new wonderful bubble of friendship and happiness that he had while he was at school.

Remus let the bed skirt fall and James reached out to ruffle up Sirius hair which was now the longest it had ever been, just about brushing his shoulders. 

“Come on. I’ll help.” James said softly. “And we still have the feast to look forward to, right?”

“I don’t think I can eat anything.” Sirius admitted in a hush, staring up at the underside of James’ bed. “Stomach is so tense.”

James nodded gently. “Well then at least it’ll be fun to see how much Moony can pack away, right?”

Sirius smiled a bit at that and nodded. “Yeah alright, that will be fun. You’re right.” He sighed and rolled his way out from under the bed.

Remus was standing by Sirius’ bed with his trunk and he seemed to be packing it in the same careful manner of Peter. Sirius stepped up beside him and peered down into it and his shoulders sagged.

“Not these.” He said sadly, taking out his three precious muggle shirts from the trunk.

Remus frowned slightly and nodded. “She’ll care that much? But you love those shirts.”

“If she knew I had muggle clothing she’d burn it.” Sirius said. He turned to Remus and held out the shirts. “I think it's best you use them this summer, Moony. They fit you and they’re comfy and I doubt you want to be stuck wearing the uniform all summer long.”

Remus looked down at the shirts and then took them gently. “I’ll take good care of them for you, Sirius.” He said solemnly.

Sirius smiled and then reached for his records next. “And you should keep Bowie company too.” He said. He gripped his records tightly to his chest for a brief moment before passing them to Remus.

“Bowie will keep me company too.” Remus said, peering down at the records in awe. Sirius knew he would treat them like gold. Remus adored the records. Sirius would miss them terribly but he had no worries about them being gone when he came back if Remus took care of them. 

The only precious thing he did take with him was his Gryffindor scarf. He knew it was a risk to take home the burgundy and gold object but he needed a spot of color in his grim life. It would remind him of his friends and remind him of the new path he was choosing for himself. The scarf was folded up on the very bottom of his trunk beneath his books.

The last few weeks of school had seemed to go by so fast. Even all the exams had seemed to speed by and he found he hadn’t been nearly as worried about them as he thought he would be. He’d gone through the pointless extra potion classes and he had actually deigned to make the final exam potion perfectly much to Slughorn’s stunned surprise. Of course then he had immediately ruined that stellar success by getting caught with a laughing potion that he had made from the Knarl Quills that James had stolen from Slughorn ages ago. He had been planning to use that potion on Professor Binns during their history exam, but Slughorn had foiled that and he had gotten detention for the last school week.

All in all though he felt his exams had finished off rather well for his first year and he wouldn’t be too scared to get his results in a few weeks time. He was most nervous about his charms results but he felt confident in all the rest; even if his Herbology paper had been dreadfully boring to write.

He thought maybe the time had passed by so quickly because life had been good and normal. Since the incident with Bellatrix there hadn’t been too much more drama. He, James, and Peter had formed a system of keeping Remus safe. Now that they knew he was being bullied they had made sure to put a stop to it. All minor bullies were punished with pranks and threats and that held back the smarter ones as well who didn’t want to end up with dyed robes or dungbombs in their beds. By now the name of the Marauders was fairly known about school. Points lost and detentions gained were worth it if it kept Moony safe and bully free.

Remus also had a large group of friends besides the Marauders now and Sirius could feel safe knowing that Remus was now very rarely alone. He studied in the library with the older students and he spent plenty of time with Lily and her group of friends. Remus, despite his odd mannerisms, had become popular in a short amount of time. Sirius wasn’t a bit surprised; Moony was amazing.

The school year had passed in relative normalcy and bliss. Remus slotted in wonderfully and the Marauders got up to boyish mischief, casual academics, and lots of fun running about the halls and grounds as carefree first years.

Remus also brought a new perspective into the lives of three pureblood boys who hadn’t ever experienced much outside their narrow worldview. Sirius knew they probably had far to go but Remus gave them new ideas and called them out on their shit. Plus sometimes his ideas were wild and fun.

“Shoe protest.” Remus had declared one day as it had finally gotten warm in late spring.

“What?” Peter had looked up from his book. All four of them were out on the lawn before the lake, basking in the sun and enjoying being out of the castle.

“Don’t your feet get sweaty and gross now that it's warm?” Remus said with surprising amounts of passion. “I propose we rebel and stop wearing shoes entirely. What's the point? It's perfectly warm out. I’m done with them! Dorcas got her uniform the way she wanted it by protesting.”

“Don’t think it's quite the same, Moons.” James said fondly.

“Nah screw it. I’m with Moony!” Sirius said in delight, yanking off his shoes and tossing them behind him. “Why not? Let's experience the world as Remus does! He’s always claiming having his feet on the ground makes things more interesting.”

Remus gave a firm nod.

Peter laughed and tugged his shoes off as well. “Alright I’m in, but I’m keeping my socks on.”

James shrugged and took his off as well. “There is no way this works.”

It hadn’t worked at all but it had caused a strange chain reaction among the boys of Gryffindor. Suddenly it hadn’t just been the Marauders but all the boys were slapping about the halls of Hogwarts in barefeet and chattering about the Great Shoe Protest of 1972. They didn’t even try to make it catch on but it had, and soon it spread to Hufflepuff of all places and the two houses formed a strange solidarity over wandering about barefoot in support of a stubborn first year who hated shoes. Remus, strangely enough, became a sort of celebrity among Hufflepuffs during the two weeks of May in which the Shoe Protest took place. He seemed baffled by the quiet and chill house seeming supportive of both the movement and him but Sirius was glad to see him get positive attention. He suspected it had to do somehow with Frank Longbottom who was a big proponent of the Hufflepuff side of Shoe Protest.

The Shoe Protest had ended when Professors literally caught wind of the whole thing...turns out two entire houses of young boys not wearing shoes got a touch smelly.

All students were encouraged to put their shoes back on and any who didn’t comply lost house points. In the end even a grumbling Remus complied with this, stating that shoes felt even worse after two blissful weeks of freedom. Sirius heard Frank gently assuring him that over summer the older student would do some research on spells to assist this problem.

Remus thought in a way that none of them did. Sirius knew it was partially his upbringing and partially his curious nature that seemed to dictate many of the things he did. He was effortlessly endearing and charming and his quiet curiosity made Sirius wonder more about a world he often took for granted. He was going to miss that this summer as he returned back home. He wondered if he could try and take some of that back with him. Just like he planned on taking back James’ endless sunshine and Peter’s resolute loyalty to his favorite things. He knew his friends wouldn’t be there with him in the halls of Grimmauld Place; but hopefully the essence of them could be.

“There.” Remus declared, settling the last of Sirius’ books into the trunk. Sirius hadn’t helped at all. “All finished, Sirius.”

“Thanks Moony.” He said softly.

Remus gave him a look before hugging him tightly. Sirius sighed and leaned his head into Remus’ bony shoulder. He was going to miss getting to slump over onto this shoulder. Even though it wasn’t a comfortable shoulder it was home.

Remus let go of him and Sirius stepped back from his arms and smiled. “Should we all get down to the feast?”

“Starved!” Peter said, throwing his arms up into the air. “Halfway through that last Astronomy essay I contemplated eating my parchment.”

“Yes well if you hadn’t skipped lunch like I said-” James said, tossing an arm about Peter’s shoulders as they started out of the dorm.

“I was nervous.” Peter bemoaned. “I’m no good at Astronomy and my partner doesn’t help. She’s too precise.”

“Ravenclaws.” Sirius said with a laugh. “I’m so relieved that if I had to get sorted into the wrong house I didn’t end up in Ravenclaw.”

“You never could, Black!” James teased.

Sirius split away from Remus to chase after James with the intention of giving him a taste of his own medicine: a wet willy. All four boys ended up running and shouting down the main staircases, play wrestling and having a generally good time on their last day at the castle. Sirius wouldn’t get to yell like this once he was back home and perhaps that's why he whooped and howled a bit louder than he normally would.

The Marauders stumbled into the Great Hall laughing and bumping into each other as they made their way to Gryffindor table. It had been ages since Sirius had sat at Slytherin and he plonked himself down at his new usual spot with a huge grin. They were soon joined by all the girls and the excited chatter that came with them. The first years didn’t really care about speeches and so listening to Dumbledore was quite hard. Sirius found himself wiggling about in his seat just wanting to eat already! Ravenclaw had won the House Cup and the Great Hall was decked out in the blue and bronze of the Eagle house. When Dumbledore finally clapped his hands and the food appeared there were gasps of delight at the sheer extravagance at the final feast.

“Does anyone have summer plans?” Mary asked with a huge smile as they all tucked in to dinner. “My parents and I are having a beach weekend. Nice escape from the city for a bit. Oh I am so excited to have my entire muggle wardrobe back.”

“Next time just bring the whole thing like Dorcas did.” Marlene quipped with a laugh.

Dorcas shrugged and ducked her head a bit and laughed. “I like having a variety to experiment with.” She said simply with her cute dimpled smile.

“Well I’m going to Paris with my family.” Marlene said brightly. “Can’t wait for it!”

“What's in Paris?” Remus asked curiously.

By now the girls had gotten used to Remus asking the most bizarre questions. They seemed to think he had spent much of his childhood in hospital and since he didn’t have parents he simply had never been taught things. It was a perfectly alright coverup and so none of the lads disputed it. It also meant the girls were patient and kind in explaining things.

“Paris is in France.” Marlene explained. “My grandparents are there so we visit a lot. There is everything in Paris. Fashion. Food. Art. It's just the best city in the world. You would go crazy over the food they have there, Remus!”

Remus was looking at Marlene with wide eager eyes. “Will you take me someday?”

Marlene laughed and nodded eagerly. “Yes. We’ll all go! I can show everybody the city!”

They chattered about other summer plans for a while and it was good fun. Lily was planning to run her little cake stand with her sister again this summer and then she was hoping to convert the muggle money over so she could buy a cat for next school year. Peter said he was going to do whatever James did and James was planning on a big camping trip in the Potter’s backyard. Dorcas was going to be going back home to America and was already lamenting being an ocean away from her friends.

“We’re all going to need to write to each other.” Lily said firmly.

“Will you write to me, Evans?” James asked sweetly.

Lily ignored him and leaned towards Remus. “You will write won’t you, Remus?”

Remus blushed and shrugged his shoulders “I guess if you really want me to.”

“We all do, Moony.” Sirius assured him. “We’re going to need to know what Hogwarts is like when all of us are gone.”

“I can’t believe you get to stay here this summer.” Mary said “If I knew that was an option we could have planned the best sleepover ever!”

Remus smiled softly “Madam Pomfrey is my healer so I think I need to stay near her.”

Sirius wished he could stay as well. He was jealous that Remus would get to stay all summer at Hogwarts. He knew it was because he was a werewolf and they had a system in place here to help him through his transformations, and because Remus had nowhere else to go, but Sirius still ached to be able to return to the dorm room with Remus and to remain safe in these halls. 

“It’ll be nice to have the library though.” Remus mused.

Mary groaned “You study too much. It's summer break, Remus!”

Remus shrugged and popped a roasted potato into his mouth. “I want to learn everything.”

“Should’ve been in Ravenclaw.” Dorcas said bemusedly. 

The meal passed with easy and fun conversation. Most everyone was excited to get to go home and see their parents and families. Mary talked about her brothers and Lily talked about Petunia and for the first time Sirius let himself think about his coming reunion with Regulus. He didn’t know how it would go. He had been angry and hateful of Regulus for a long time after the betrayal at Christmas. Still he knew that Regulus hadn't known the level of punishment his parents would inflict on him. And he did miss his brother. Very much. He hadn’t written him any letters this semester, but then Sirius hadn’t sent him any either. Would they still be friends? Sirius wanted to be and he knew it was probably up to him as the eldest to repair the break between them. Regulus would be coming to Hogwarts next year too. Sirius wanted to show him around and in order to do that they needed to fix things.

“I’m excited to see my brother.” Sirius declared. Saying it out loud made it sink in that it was true. “And I’m also excited about this camping trip idea. Am I invited, Potter?”

James laughed and nodded. “You and Remus both. I’ve already written to my mum and she’s planning the whole thing.”

“I wonder if I’ll be allowed…” Remus said “I guess it's up to Dumbledore and Madam Pomfrey if I can come. I hope so. I’ve never been camping.”

“Neither have I.” Sirius remarked with a bright smile. “But we can get a start planning all our year two pranks while we’re camping!”

Lily groaned while Mary laughed in delight and Dorcas offered a wink and a fist bump for the Marauders.

“Hmph. I’m not excited for them.” Marlene said with a sniff. “You always attack my house.”

“Not our fault you got sorted poorly, McKinnon.” James said with a cheery laugh. “Besides, you snakes have the best reactions. So finicky! Hufflepuff always just thinks it's funny and Ravenclaw gets all huffy in all the ways we did it poorly. Slytherin just whines!”

“The quills were a bit much though, don’t you think? I barely finished my Herbology paper!”

“I admit I didn’t think they would bite.” Sirius said with a wince “That's my bad.”

Soon they were all stuffed and groaning and dragging themselves back to their respective dorm rooms. Remus had popped off to the library to say his goodbyes to Frank and Alice for the summer. Sirius was lying on his back up in the dorm room. Peter had also gone to make his rounds with his many friends, wishing goodbyes.

“I’m scared.” Sirius said. They had been lying there quietly for a long time and Sirius knew James was pausing in his chatter to give him the breathing room to get this small statement out.
“Yeah. I’m scared too.” James said softly.

Sirius turned to look at him in surprise. “Why are you scared? Your parents are nice.”

James gave him a funny sort of smile. “Not scared for me, Sirius. Scared about you. You’re my best friend. I don’t want to think about you going back to that house this summer. Terrifies me.”

“Oh.” Sirius blinked. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry.” James said, rolling onto his side to face Sirius.

Sirius looked up at the ceiling. He got scared over Remus a lot, about the bullies and the moon. It hadn’t occurred to him that his new friends might feel the exact same worry and fear over his own pain. In a strange way he felt guilty and in a strange way he felt grateful. It was nice to know they cared for him so deeply.

“What if my parents want to send me to Durmstrang?” Sirius said “Maybe I should’ve just continued to sit at the Slytherin table. Maybe I’ve ruined everything and I won’t be able to come back.”

“I don’t think it's really your fault. I mean you can’t control your parents. They’re parents. Adults! Don’t think that makes any of this your fault because...they’re big and we’re not.” James said, trying ever so hard to be wise.

“But I could’ve been better.” Sirius insisted.

“Hmmm. I think you’re the best Sirius when you’re sitting with us.” James said. “That other Sirius at the Slytherin table was miserable. Marlene said you never ate when you sat there.”

Sirius nodded weakly. “Stomach always was clenched tight.”

“See? So that's no good. You made the right choice. It sucks your parents won’t see that but I’ve got your back, and Peter has your back, and Remus has your back. We’re your best friends and we love you, Sirius.”

Sirius blushed and turned his face away. Those words affected him so much. He knew James must hear them constantly from his parents, but Sirius never had. In fact nobody had ever said they loved him until James Potter came into his life and said it with such earnest innocent confidence. Each time James said it it made his face heat up and his eyes water and it made him feel complete. It was almost a ‘too-much’ feeling but he never wanted James to stop.

*  *  *

Remus loped easily through the halls on the way back to Gryffindor Tower. He had just finished up saying his goodbyes to Alice and Frank. His tutor had given him a list of suggested reading for the summer and a sheet of words written in her beautiful handwriting so he could practice copying down his letters more neatly. Frank had given him a bunch of cookies as well as another pair of fuzzy socks since he had taken up knitting himself in the last few weeks. Remus was sad to be saying goodbye to both of them, but eager to hear about their summers when they came back.

“Moony!” He turned as he heard Peter and saw his friend chugging up the stairs behind him.

Remus stopped to wait and Peter panted as he stepped up beside him. “Your legs really are insane, Remus.” Peter informed him.

Remus grinned and shrugged. “Making up for lost time.”

Peter rolled his eyes and they headed towards Gryffindor Tower. Once inside Peter towed him over to the couch beside the fire and sat down. Then the boy began rummaging through his bag, finally pulling out a parchment and handing it to Remus. Remus sat on the couch and looked at it in surprise. “What's this?”

“Our addresses.” Peter explained. “Lily mentioned the letters earlier and I figured you probably don’t know any of our addresses to write. So I went to everybody and got them for you. See there is mine and James and Sirius at the top. Then everyone else.”

“I don’t understand.” Remus said, struggling to know what exactly this gift was.

Peter nodded patiently. “It's for owl post. Since we won’t all be together you have to send us owls. I wrote instructions to get to the Owlry on the back. But how it works is you write us a letter and then on the front you put down our name and address. So if you want to write to me you find my name and copy down what I put here, see? Then you take it to the Owlry and tie it to an owl. The owls are all spelled so they take the letter right to the name and address.”

Remus looked at his friend in surprise as realization dawned on him. He had wondered how the Owl post worked but hadn’t ever got around to asking that question since he had nobody to send letters to. But now he had so many

“Peter…” Remus gripped the parchment tighter.

Peter laughed and bashfully stuck a hand in his hair. “Don’t get teary on me, Moony. I’m not Potter.”

Remus nodded and gave a watery laugh. “Yeah. Yeah I know. But this is amazing. Thank you.” He sniffled “Do you think I could send Chocolate Frog cards through the mail?”

Peter grinned and nodded. “Absolutely. James and I do it all the time.”

“Good.” Remus said firmly. “Can you write me a list of all the cards you’re looking for? I’ll keep an eye out.”

“You’re a true pal, Moony!” Peter said, absolutely thrilled.

Remus bumped his shoulder against Peter’s as he tucked the parchment away. “So’re you, Pete.”

*  *  *

It was hard to stand in the courtyard outside of Hogwarts together and know that the Marauders wouldn’t be together again for quite some time. The sun was shining down on their four heads as they stood close in a gaggle and promised to write and stay in touch until their second year started up; or until they managed to get together a camping trip in James’ garden. For Remus it was a bittersweet feeling. He was going to miss his friends desperately but he was also eager to have several months to study and catch up on his academics and his general understanding of the world. For Sirius it was just bitter entirely. He didn’t want to go home and leave his friends at all. Grimmauld Place was not home anymore. Home was Moony’s shoulder and laughing with James and talking Quidditch stats with Peter. Home was running through the halls, causing mischief, and having nobody scold him for lack of decorum. Home was Hogwarts and his friends and it ached to be leaving it, and them, behind.

Sirius gripped Remus’ hands tightly and leaned forward. “I want a letter after every moon.” He said solemnly.

Remus nodded. “I know. I’ll write.”

“And you’ll try and meet us for camping? And shopping in Diagon Alley?”

“If I can.”

Sirius let out a sigh and then pulled Moony into a hug. He felt it when James and Peter joined in in the small huddle. Then they all heard Hagrid calling them down to the boats and pulled away reluctantly.

“See you soon.” James said earnestly and Remus grinned and held out his hand for a fist bump. They all bumped their hands together and then they were forced to move away from Remus.

Sirius kept glancing back towards where Remus stood with his school robes and his tawny hair blowing in the wind. Eventually though he turned his attention forward, hunching his shoulders a bit as the wind whipped across the Black Lake bringing a chill with it.

“Mr. Black!” Sirius turned as he heard a voice calling him and he was startled to see Professor McGonagall picking her way over to him, lifting her dark blue robes above her boots so she wouldn’t trip on the rugged shoreline. Peter and James moved ahead as Sirius moved over to his head of house, fearing he had done something wrong.

“Professor?”

“I believe you left this tome in my classroom after your exams.” Professor McGonagall said, handing him a blue book that he had never seen before. The text was clearly quite old and had the inscription of Ars Animagorum on the cover. “You should take more care with your things, Mr. Black.”

Sirius frowned in confusion and looked up at his professor. “This isn’t mine-” He started to say but was startled when Professor McGonagall silenced him with a wink of all things. His professor reached out and flicked open the book and taped the inscription on the inside.

To my most enterprising and bold of students, may this book guide you in becoming an even more true-hearted Gryffindor.
-Prof. M

Sirius looked up at her sharply in surprise, his mouth hanging open ever so slightly. “Thank you, Professor. Sorry for misplacing it.”

Professor McGonagall gave a stiff nod of her head “Best get to the boats, Mr. Black. Have a good summer.”

Sirius nodded and tucked the book under his arms. “See you next year, Professor!” He yelled before dashing to the boats and to his friends.

Chapter Text

Hogwarts was quiet with all of the other students gone. Remus woke up in his bed in Gryffindor Tower on the first day of summer break and felt the quiet like a palpable thing on his eardrums. There was no James singing off key in the shower, no Peter snoring, and no Sirius making far too much noise as he got ready for the day. It was so odd. He got out of bed and dressed in his uniform trousers and one of Sirius’ muggle shirts. Then he headed down to the common room which was still and silent. No students were playing chess and the fireplace was empty.

The main staircase still had some life to it as the portraits moved and talked and a few ghosts floated by. Some expressed surprise at a lingering student and he calmly explained to one portrait that he had permission from Dumbledore to remain. He assumed the rest of the school portraits would know by the end of the day. It was odd to actually be able to hear the groaning of the magical moving staircases, as the noise wasn’t covered up by the shouts of students. Hogwarts, and all its overwhelming noises, was suddenly peaceful to his ears. 

Remus wasn’t quite sure if the Great Hall would serve him breakfast if he went alone, but his stomach was growling so he wandered inside. He found it very strange to see the ceiling sky covered over with grey clouds, almost as if the castle was mourning the loss of its students. At first the hall was dark but it seemed to sense him and lit up eagerly. Remus walked along the long tables and sat quietly at Gryffindor, patiently laying his hands on the old wood. Minutes passed and he rested his chin in his hands and wondered how exactly he was going to eat if the Great Hall didn’t give him food. Where was Hufflepuff at? He never went that way but he knew their house was located by the kitchens. He supposed he could go ask Madam Pomfrey but he almost wanted to figure this out on his own, it gave him something to do.

So after a bit more waiting he got up and wandered from the hall and towards the dungeons. He didn’t come this way often due to Slytherin house being there, but now with all those students gone it was safe to explore. Remus began opening doors left and right before finally he opened one and discovered the kitchens. Or rather, he discovered the house elves because he was greeted face to face with a rather surprised looking elf holding a large tray of food.

“Master Remus!” The elf said in a terrified squeaky voice. “Walry was just coming to find you, Sir! I am sorry for the tardiness!”

Remus blinked in surprise and pointed at himself. “You were looking for me?”

“Breakfast, young master!” Walry hoisted the dish upwards. “I am very much sorry for being late.”

“Oh.” Remus blinked in surprise and took the tray. “No, this is perfect. Thank you. You said your name is Walry? Thanks, Walry. Can I sit and eat here with you? I’ve never seen the kitchens before.”

Walry looked scared and surprised all at once and he kept on bowing, but he let Remus step inside. Remus gasped in amazement at how big the Hogwarts kitchens were, filled with shining copper pots, massive stoves and cauldrons, and a myriad of amazing smelling herbs hanging from the ceiling. Down the center there was a huge wooden table with a bunch of different stations. Remus set his meal down and sat at a wooden stool. Only then did he notice a slowly spinning bowl and spoon, as if someone had just left in a rush.

“Walry? Were there other house elves here? I didn’t mean to scare everyone off.”

Walry shifted from foot to foot and wrung his hands in his little linen apron. “Most wizards do not like to see us, master Remus.”

Remus munched on a bit of bacon right away and shrugged. “My name is just Remus.” He said, confused why they were using the name Master for him. Maybe they got his name down wrong somehow. “And most wizards don’t like seeing me either.” He said simply. “I don’t mind. I was hoping to eat with friends.”

Remus jumped as there were a few popping noises and a myriad of house elves suddenly came back to the kitchen. One picked up the bowl and spoon and returned to mixing things. Walry suddenly popped from the floor to the table and walked over to sit down near Remus.

“You’re one of the nice ones.” Walry said in relief.

Remus scooted his plate over so Walry could eat some too if he wanted. “Are many wizards mean to you?”

“Oh most.” Walry nodded “Most. But some are kind. Dumbledore is. We do like working for Hogwarts.”

“But some of the students!” A shrill voiced house elf piped up “Are mean!”

Remus grinned and nodded. “I know. I’ve met some of them.”

“Bullies.” Walry scowled. “Must avoid.”

“I try to as well.” Remus said, setting into his breakfast with proper vigor now that he was comfortable. “It's a neat trick you guys have, popping around like that.”

Walry grinned, snapped his fingers, and suddenly he was sitting on the opposite side of Remus’ plate. 

Remus laughed in delight. “Could you show me?”

“Oh no. This is house elf magic. It is unique to us.” The shrill voiced house elf said, setting aside her mixing bowl and joining them. “I am Florete.”

“That's a very pretty name.” Remus said with a little nod. “I didn’t know House Elves had different magic.”

“We do. So do you!” Walry said happily.

“Me?” Remus frowned. Florete nudged Walry and shook her head. Walry looked apologetic and spread his hands.

“We know what you are.” Walry said. “Those with wild magic can recognize their own kind. You are different, but we are united. Like Hagrid in the hut.”

“Like the centaurs in the forest.” Florete added.

“Like the creatures in the deep lake.” Another house elf intoned.

Remus paused in his eating, curious at this almost chant-like speech the house elves had. Several were nodding reverently. Remus hadn’t heard much about house elves in his time here. They had briefly talked about them in one of their history lessons but beyond that he knew so little. Whenever they were mentioned it was almost in a mocking or carefree manner. They were wonderful though and he was already thrilled to have met friends on his first day without the Marauders.

And this talk of wild magic was strange and new. He hadn’t heard anything about this in any of his classes. What did it mean?

“Is that why I did a spell without a wand?” He asked.

Another house elf joined them then and Remus could tell that this elf was quite old. Her ears were sagging and she had bushy brows over her big eyes. Walry and Florete seemed to look at her with great respect.

“Wild magic,” The older elf said with a nod. “Runs different. Wizards use their wands to harness what we are given freely. You were given wild magic by a bite, infused with it. You will connect with it better than a wizard ever could. Wild magic does not need wands or incantations in the same way. It is within.”

Remus nodded in a bit of awe, though he was terribly confused by it all. “How do I study it?”

Florete laughed and then clamped her hands over her mouth. “Sorry. Shouldn’t laugh at you, poor thing!” She chirped. “You don’t study this. It just is.”

“It just is.” The old elf agreed.

Remus frowned and furrowed his brows. That didn’t make any sense, nor did it help at all! He wanted to know how to do cool magic! It would be so impressive to show off to his friends when they got back from summer break! He was going to have to go to the library later and see if he could find any books on this since the house elves just seemed to expect him to know about it due to his lycanthropy. 

“Thank you for making me breakfast.” Remus said as he finished up his plate. “And thank you for making all the feasts, they are very very good.”

“I love to cook!” Walry said in delight, just as Florete announced that she loved to bake.

“And it is much better than being a house elf for a fancy family.” Walry said solemnly. “Here we can make what we want and we come and go as we please. We have nice lives and are paid well. Dumbledore watches over us.”

Remus frowned. “What is it like for house elves of fancy families?” He asked, thinking of Sirius and the house elf they had.

“Dark.” Florete said softly, her ears drooping. “No laws. No protection. Elves are abused, scorned, treated as less. Slaves.”

Remus looked at her in horror. He thought about how he had thought the way that Sirius talked about Kreacher had been odd and now he saw why. “That's not okay!” He looked down in horror at his plate and his stomach clenched in terror. “Are you...Have I-” His eyes filled with tears at the idea that he might have been participating in a system that allowed for slaves and abuse. He thought of the cage and felt like he might shake apart if he had come anywhere close to being like The Owner.

“No no no!” Walry said quickly. “Not at Hogwarts. Used to be so. Many many years ago. It is still not perfect.” Walry sighed. “Many students think of us poorly because of their homes. But we are free to leave employment whenever we wish. But where would we go? The elves that are here want to be so. Hogwarts is safe for us. For now.”

Remus sniffled and looked down at his plate in shame. “I still think we are very rude to take you for granted. You are very good cooks. I eat a lot of food.”

“We know!” Florete said in delight. “I like to make my cakes appear near to you! You get very excited.” She reached out and patted Remus’ head. “It is very cute.”

Remus smiled and shrugged. “Your cakes are very good then, Florete. Would you teach me how to make one sometime?”

Florete nodded and clapped her hands. “Yes! Would be good fun!” She said her voice rising to a high squeak.

Walry looked sulky and Remus smiled at him. “What do you like to make? I’d like to learn that too.”

Walry nodded and puffed out his little chest. “Meat pies!”

Remus nodded excitedly. He was a great fan of meat pies. He liked when he could slip them in his pocket and easily eat them between classes. It would be very handy to know how to do that. And he knew Lily liked baking and making cakes and it would be fun to learn from Florete and surprise her next year.

“Oh, good morning Remus.” Came a quiet voice from the door and Remus turned to see Dumbledore walking inside. Remus stumbled to his feet out of respect for the Headmaster but the old man made a motion for him to sit back down.

“I see we are both here for our breakfasts.” Dumbledore said calmly as he walked over to sit down. Remus cautiously sat back down.

“Good morning Walry.” Dumbldore said. “Florete. Tofa”

Tofa, the older elf, seemed to blush at Dumbledore’s presence before popping out of existence and then right back in with a platter that housed a pot of tea, a teacup, and some toast.

“Thank you.” Dumbledore said, accepting the platter and setting to pouring himself some tea. 

“Tea?” He asked Remus and Remus gave a little nod. Dumbledore conjured another few cups and poured some for Remus as well as for the house elves.

Other house elves came and sat with them throughout the morning and Dumbledore made conversation with them. Eventually though it was just him and Remus sitting there, finishing the last of the pot of tea. Remus desperately wanted to run away but he was unsure if the Headmaster would get annoyed at that. So he sat there stiff and awkward and entirely unsure of himself.

Dumbledore finished up his tea and set everything neatly on the tray. Remus followed suit with his own tray and cautiously watched the old man from the corner of his eye.

“Well!” Dumbledore declared. “I do believe I am going to have a nice wander down around the lake.”

Remus nodded.

“What do you plan to do with your time now, young Remus?” Dumbledore asked with an amused twinkle. “I suppose not potions.”

Remus blushed and scrunched his nose up. “Not potions. Going to go read in the library.”

“Ah, a thirst for academics.” Dumbledore nodded and tucked his arms behind his back. “Do remember to cause some mischief this summer. It is not every day a young boy gets an entire castle to himself. Exploration is good for the soul.” Dumbledore gave a wink and then departed the kitchens.

Remus was left confused for a moment but shrugged it off. He turned to wave at Walry who was down at the other end of the kitchen. Then he set forth on his path with determination and eagerness. Dumbledore was right, he really should use this time to explore the castle while he was alone. He could study later.

*  *  *

Remus developed a new schedule now that the castle was his own. In the mornings he would have breakfast and talk with the house elves, mostly Walry and Florete, and sometimes his mornings would coincide with Dumbledore’s. Then he would usually go and study in the library for a while, delving into any books that seemed interesting and taking careful notes to practice his handwriting. He would then take these notes and deliver them to Professor McGonagall’s office so that his head of house could approve them. She wasn’t always on campus but she regularly met with him to discuss his studies. He would usually check in with Madam Pomfrey too and sometimes they would eat lunch together. He liked her quite a bit though sometimes she fussed too much about scrapes and bruises he got while just exploring about the castle. 

If the weather was poor he would spend his later afternoons and evenings exploring the castle which mostly consisted of him opening doors, wandering through strange hallways, and drawing strange circuitous maps to help him find his favorite spots again. He found quickly that his little hideaway nooks barely scratched the surface of what Hogwarts had to offer. It seemed that for every classroom and used space there were ten others that were abandoned and long forgotten. Hogwarts simply didn’t have enough students to fill its massive interior.

On sunny and nice days he liked to explore outside and he spent many of his afternoons walking along the lake or traipsing about the grounds. The forest was an ever intriguing presence in his life and he told himself he would go there this summer once he got a bit more strength up. The lake was another intriguing thing to him, but he had no intention of exploring there. He liked his feet firmly on the ground and swimming seemed utterly impossible. Besides he was convinced he had seen something large moving across the water once and that had made him remain at least five feet back from the shore at all times. He remembered how Walry and the house elves had mentioned things in the lake with their own wild magic. Best not to tempt fate.

All in all his summer was becoming one of exploration and discovery and coming to terms with being Remus. Free of the cage he got to learn his world and he got to learn himself. He discovered which movements his body didn’t like and he learned how much energy he had. He reveled in his senses especially. He knew his sense of the world was unique and it was special to know he could experience more because of his Lycanthropy.

Summer smelled different here and he loved it. Summer in Knockturn alley had smelled like rotten fruit baking in the sun, sweaty people pushing through the menagerie, and old uncleaned cages reeking in the evening air. Summer here smelled wild and fresh; the smells rising from the earth with untamed excitement. Each step Remus took would unleash new smells as herbs and plants cracked under his feet. The loam of the moors wrapped around him with its intense earthy smell and made him feel safe. There was something in the scent of the plants and the dirt that seemed to echo his own personal scent and he knew he belonged in the wild like this.

At the end of each day he would end his explorations by returning to the Great Hall. He’d asked Walry if he could have dinner there each night because he loved it so much. The elf now joined him there and the two would sit and share a platter and a pot of tea and look up at the ceiling and talk. It was a very nice way to end each day. Sometimes Florete would join them and the trio would end up devouring one of her cakes all together.

Once Remus was full and sleepy he would walk back up to Gryffindor Tower, give the password, and let himself into the dark common room. He would trudge his way tiredly up the stairs to the dorm, get ready for bed, and then flop down on his stomach in the darkness. He didn’t like the dorm room without his friends. It was dark and lonely and the tower creaked on windy nights. He missed hearing Peter’s loud snores because Peter always fell asleep first, and he missed when he could eavesdrop on James and Sirius whispering together in the dark. In the dark dorm he felt the absence of the other Marauders like a weight on his mind. 

Sometimes at night he would dream he was back in the cage. That The Owner had found him and had dragged him back to Knockturn Alley and locked him up. This time the cage was silver though and he would spend the time miserable until his mind jogged him awake in the mornings. Those dreams haunted him. Waking up alone haunted him too. For the first time he was trying to process everything that had happened to him. Hogwarts had been such a whirlwind from the start that things had never slowed down enough for him to stop and breath and realize how scared he still was.

The cage was always behind him, just over his shoulder. He didn’t know how to describe the fear that choked him up whenever he thought about that lonely and dark place. He wasn’t sure if he could articulate how it felt to watch the Kneazle die and how it felt to want to wash away with the rains or melt down into the snow. He wanted to pretend he had a fresh start and a new life, but the cage was still there in his mind.

Each day as he rolled out of bed he would shove the cage and the darkness to a corner of his mind and make sure that he spent the entire day completely busy so he wouldn’t have to dwell on the fear or his lack of words. While he was getting to know his physical body, his mind still seemed to be a mystery to him in many ways. He felt brave enough to explore the castle and the grounds, and eventually the forest, but exploring his own mind was far too daunting of a task. 

*  *  *

Remus was laying in the grass on one fine summer day. He’d just finished up his lunch with Madam Pomfrey and he felt very happy and proud because the healer had finally stated that he was well enough to move forward without his weekly potions. She had praised him on his attention to working his muscles and told him that she was very proud of his progress. Even the first Full Moon of the summer a few weeks ago hadn’t slowed down his healing pace. Her pride had filled him up with a buoyant warmth and he’d let himself run out into the sunshine once they were done.

Grass was one of the best sensations for bare feet and even now on his back he was idly running one foot through the grass and feeling it tickle at his soles. The clouds above were puffy and he sometimes felt like he could see shapes in them that almost looked like pumpkins or silly hats or a big laughing dog. The earth against his back was solid and the sun on his face was warm and his chest was warm with happy feelings. He closed his eyes with a content sigh. Right now he felt connected to the earth around him. The castle was distant and the Lake was rather quiet today. If he let his mind wander, and his ears focus, he could hear birds chirping in distant trees and some animal snuffling off through the brush behind him, and even Hagrid humming in his garden down the path.

He could also hear something strange. His brows furrowed and his head tilted slightly as he tried to pinpoint where he could hear the noise coming from. It was a low, almost echoing sound, a hum that reverberated against his ears very quietly but very insistently as well. He had no idea what it was. He shifted his head about until he found the location of it, and then he opened his eyes.

He was staring at The Forbidden Forest. Whatever the sound was, it was coming from within those depths. Curiously he rolled to his feet and walked towards the dense woods. He’d yet to breach their dark walls. He knew he wasn’t supposed to do so and everything he’d heard about it was scary. He and Sirius had probably been lucky when they had gone into it and come out unscathed. Remus had had the protection of the Moon and the Wolf then. Right now he was just a boy. He cocked his head and listened again and the sound seemed to pull him forward.

Stepping into the woods was like stepping into a wall of cool air. The second he was beneath the trees the temperature dropped and the sweat on his brow cooled. The sunshine didn’t reach through the dense foliage above. Instead the whole wood was bathed in the greenish light of the sun through leaves. His feet navigated the tumbled roots and underbrush of the forest easily. He’d only walked in this forest once before but it felt natural to do so. There was a part of him that simply knew how to move in this wild and untamed place.

The humming was deeper and so he went deeper. Past the clearing that he and Sirius had come to, past fallen trees whose width was taller than he was, and passed creeks and jagged stones. Eventually he came upon a creek and the sound shifted. He turned and followed the water downstream, sometimes walking through the water and feeling the coolness on his feet. The creek led down to a part of the Lake not easily accessible from the school grounds as it was edged by the Forbidden Forest and therefore off limits. Here Remus found a small strip of shoreline covered in small grey pebbles. He bent down and picked one up and smiled in delight at how worn smooth the pebble was. In his hand it felt good to hold and he rubbed his thumb over the smooth surface and stepped forward towards the lake. Was the humming the waves lapping against the shore? No. He was so far from where he had been, surely his hearing was not that good. He turned about on the small strip of beach in confusion, looking around him and trying to locate the source. Here the humming had layers, wrapping around his mind in strange overlapping patterns. Sometimes there was a gentle ringing noise, other times a beating pulse, but there was always the background rhythmic hum that just seemed to be. He spun around again and stopped as he caught sight of something near the edge of the pebbly beach, near to the water.

Remus approached the object and knelt down in front of it. The hum was coming from here but here was nothing interesting. It was just a rock. It was a bigger rock than all the others at the beach, about three feet tall and slumped at the edge of the water. Its surface was the same smooth soft grey as all the other rocks and he sat and stared in confusion at the large humming rock. He reached out and tentatively touched the surface of the rock and nothing at all happened. He huffed out a little growl of annoyance. He’d been reading a lot of fun story books lately and sometimes when the protagonists found something like this and then they touched it...stuff would happen! He slapped his hand against the surface.

Nothing happened. Though it did make a rather nice noise echoing across the lake.

He snorted and put his chin in his hands and stared at the humming rock. He’d heard the strange noise from so far away and he’d come all the way here only to find nothing at all. Maybe he was supposed to do some spell or something but he wouldn’t even know where to begin. So he sat and looked at the rock and listened to the noise. In a strange way the noise was comforting even though he didn’t understand how the rock was doing it. 

When he put his hand on the sun-warm surface of the rock he couldn't feel the hum. Sometimes when James or Sirius put on a record and they laid on the floor together he could feel the noise in him. But the rock didn’t do that. It was still and quiet even as it made the hum. He stroked his hand slowly down the surface and, near the bottom, he felt something. He leaned forward in surprise and looked near the base of the stone. There was a line there, worn and almost gone, but it was just peeking above the pebbles. He slotted his finger into the line and ran his finger down and frowned slightly. It seemed like the line continued under the beach. He began pulling pebbles back away from the rock and, sure enough, the line continued. The whole humming rock continued, in fact, and seemed to be taller than what peeked above the pebbles.

Remus realized that this rock had sunk over time and now just the very top was visible. Curious he began to shift pebbles away from it, trying to see what the rock face had inscribed on it. The pebbles were so slippery though and kept falling back to where he dug. He sat back in frustration after a few minutes. He couldn't see much more of the rock than before and the humming noise hadn't changed at all. The sun had changed though, it was beginning to set. He knew he had a long walk back through the Forbidden Forest and he didn't want to be doing that in the dark.

"I'm coming back to you." Remus said firmly to the rock.

He stood and patted the top of the strange thing once more before turning to retrace his steps back towards the castle. The entire time he was thinking about the strange rock and how it had almost called to him. Right now he could hear the noise it made but it was more distant, an unconscious sense just like breathing. If he focused he could hear all the nuance but otherwise it was just a background soft soothing hum.

Getting back to the castle he felt exhausted from his big hike but he didn't want to waste time by going to bed so early. So instead he made his way to the library. Florete had taught him how to properly use the library system. He hadn't know there was a magical parchment that you could write on that would pull books from the shelves according to what you were searching for. He had gotten used to fetching his own books and never knowing where to find everything. The searching parchment was good for when he had no idea where to begin looking  though. He stepped up to the parchment and carefully wrote down 'humming rock’ and then lifted his head expectantly. No books came.

He wrote down 'rock talks' next and a book flew forward to him. He grabbed it and frowned when he read the title was Ogres, Trolls, and Giants: Keepers of Stone . He didn't think this was what he wanted but he set it aside anyway because he was curious about practically everything and he hadn't read anything on those species yet.

He tried many variations on humming rocks but no matter what he tried he couldn't seem to find anything. He ended up with a book on Geology, a book about the Forbidden Forest, and a collected Hogwarts History. He also had a large stack of books that held no interest at all. He slid these over to the spot in the desk marked for returns and watched as they flew back to the shelves by themselves. He grabbed up the few books he had and left the library headed towards the Great Hall. He was meeting with Florete and Walry for dinner. Both of them were so smart, maybe they had an idea about humming rocks.

He liked getting to eat in the Great hall when no other students were there. It was quiet and made for the perfect atmosphere to study in. He sat at the Gryffindor table, splaying out his books around him, and grinned when Florete and Walry popped into existence. Walry sat directly on top of the table but Florete sat down at Remus' side even though her chin barely came up to the table. Food popped into existence next and Remus felt his eyes go wide at the cake that appeared.

"Florete, it's beautiful!"

"I helped with the icing." Walry said, pointing at one very lopsided rose amid all the other perfect ones.

Florete puffed her little chest out and nodded "it is a very good cake. It worked well today. Eating it will be happy."

Remus nodded in agreement before they all tucked into the meal. As he ate Remus flipped idly through the book on trolls and giants, curiously reading through passages.

"Do you two know anything about humming rocks in the Forbidden Forest?" Remus asked around a fork full of roasted potatoes. 

"Humming rocks?" Florete queried. "What's that?"

"I don't know. I went for a walk and I found a rock with some lines on it and it hummed to me. Like a song."

Walry's ears perked up and Florete and the other elf seemed to share a long look before Walry gave a shrug and then a nod. 

"It sounds like a wild magic thing." Walry said to Remus "So it could be, or mean, or become, many different things!"

Remus frowned in confusion and chewed his food slowly as he tried to understand his elf friends. Sometimes they spoke funny. 

"So, where can I find books on the wild magic humming rocks?" He asked.

Florete laughed and patted his hand "No books, Remus. If any books existed in Hogwarts they would be in the restricted section. Wizards consider wild magic to be dark magic."

Remus felt his stomach sink and clench. Dark magic? For some reason he thought of Bellatrix and the stairs and how broken and scared he had been. He knew that she had used Dark Magic though he couldn't remember the spell. His wild magic was dark too? The humming rock was bad? He felt his shoulders sagging in dismay but Walry piped up.

"Wild magic is only as dark as the wielder. Wizards think very very silly a lot of the time. Wild magic isn't bad but wizards think it is because it has the potential to be big and powerful and they don't understand it."

"Sometimes it is easier to label that which is different as dark." Florete said as she began to dish out slices of cake.

That made Remus feel a bit better, and the sweet buttery cake helped as well. He ate and he thought about humming rocks and wild magic. He was annoyed that the wizards around him were so scared about different magic. It made it difficult to even learn about himself and his lycanthropy without books calling him a monster. 

"Are there other magics besides wild magic and normal wizard magic?"

Walry giggled "Wizard magic is not normal magic. Wizards wield some of the newest magic around. Their rules are just beginning. There are many, many branches of magic, as many as branches on a tree!"

"There are?"

"Oh goodness yes! Veelas and Centaurs and Trolls and every magical creature under the stars wields magic differently. To call wizard magic normal is rude to all those other casters."

"I didn't know." Remus said, feeling a bit silly.

"We know." Florete said kindly "You are learning, little thing. And we want you to learn. You are closer to us than you will ever be to wizard-kind."

"I am?" He asked, looking between the two elves. He felt a pang in his chest. He knew he wasn't like Sirius or the others but it still hurt a little to have it said directly.

"Your magic runs differently than theirs. Since the bite."

"Right." Remus said, rubbing at his hip where the snarl scar of fang marks showed where the werewolf had first changed him.

"Wizards are silly." Florete said with a giggle "Even the good ones."

Remus nodded and then gently steered the conversation back to the rock "So the humming rock is wild magic but you don't know what it's about?"

"So smart! That's right!" Walry said before flopping onto his back on the table and resting his knobbly fingers on his bulging stomach. He let out a satisfied squeak of a burp.

"But if the rock sang to you, then it had a reason." Florete said before snapping her fingers to send the dishes back to the kitchens "Rocks rarely do things for no reason. They are very set in their ways."

"But it didn't do anything. I tried touching it and it just hummed."

Florete cocked her head "Maybe you need to listen better next time."

Remus put his chin in his hands and thought hard about this. He sat there for a long time. Long enough that eventually his friends popped away to go off to bed, Florete patting his head gently before she vanished. Remus sat and poured his young mind over the problem of the humming rock and wild magic. He promised himself that by the end of summer he would learn how to better listen to the rock and its song.

*  *  *

Remus thrashed awake in the night to find himself drenched in sweat and panting hard. Outside the rain and wind that had been plaguing Scotland for the past week or so pounded hard against the window. He felt shaky and scared and he tossed off his duvet and clambered over to the bathroom to splash his face with cool water. He'd been having bad dreams since the rains had begun and he had been stuck inside the castle. He longed to have the freedom of mucking about the grounds but instead he was trapped inside day after day. Being trapped brought a familiar ache. Being lonely made it even worse. Despite having his house elf friends he still longed for the other Marauders.

Remus stared at his face in the mirror and focused on the details of himself. He let his eyes follow along the silver river of his sometimes-itchy cheek scar and over the bushy mountains of his brows. He mapped out the face that had now become familiar after years of not knowing what he looked like. This was Remus. Remus was here at Hogwarts, perfectly safe, far away from the cage and being trapped. He could go read in the library when he wanted, write letters when he wanted, and was free to stand on both his legs as just a boy. Safe. 

He ducked and flinched as he heard another peal of thunder and the drumming of the rain increased. Okay. Perfectly safe, but a little bit scared of thunderstorms. 

He crept out of the bathroom and hesitated as he entered the dorm room. The Full Moon was quite near and his nose could easily pick up the smell of his own sheets; sweat already becoming stale. He didn't want to crawl back into that. His nose could also smell Sirius' bed which was clean but lingered with notes of his friend's familiar scent. Sirius wouldn't mind. Remus moved over and crawled into Sirius' bed with a relieved sigh. The bed wasn't warm but it was safe, a new good nest to protect him through the night. He yawned and nestled down so all but his hair was visible.

When the dreams came again they were no longer about the cage. Before he had dreamt of opening the dorm room door to find bars covering the staircase and preventing him from descending to the common room. Now in his dream he had eagerly opened the door, saw no bars, and stepped forward.

"Little Mudblood."

The voice spoke behind him and he wanted to look but his head wasn't his own and he couldn't turn it. It hardly mattered though, his brain knew he was being hunted.

"Throw yourself down the stairs."

The voice spoke again and Remus growled and fought against the urge to do what the voice said. He got angry and frustrated and gnashed his teeth together as if he was biting down on the unseen attacker.

"Little Monster, you are nothing."

In the dream Remus growled again to say that he was far more than the disease his blood carried, he was Remus! In the dream the words didn't come right though and he had no power. Instead the power of the attacking predator made him walk forward until eventually no step met his feet, then he tumbled down, and when he came to the bottom of them he wakened.

He woke up with a growl in Sirius' bed and kicked the covers off his long legs. He flipped his arms out to the side and took big breaths to calm down. He was so sick of the nightmares.

*  *  *

"Are there potions to cure bad dreams?" Remus' voice was as quiet and steady as always and Poppy lifted her head from her work to look over at the young boy.

Poppy had been spending far more time on campus this summer break than she normally would. She wanted to make sure that Remus was doing okay and well cared for. She knew Minerva felt much the same and the days that Poppy stayed home seemed to be the days that Minerva seemed keen on popping over to Hogwarts to check on Remus' studies. The boy just was terribly endearing without meaning to be at all. Poppy could quite understand how he had charmed the Black heir enough to be freed from his cage. Remus was earnest and eager and had the most interesting little comments and thoughts. They often spent lunch together and Poppy loved hearing Remus carefully explain to her how good the books he was reading were or about a particularly good patch of flowers he had found during his explorations. He was learning how to be a proper child.

"Are you having bad dreams, dear?" Poppy asked as she set down her quill.

She was working on writing up some notes on the most recent Full Moon while Remus recovered in his usual bed. The boy was holding a book, reading, though she suspected he was thinking more than anything else.

Remus shrugged and stared down at the page. "Do they? Make potions for bad dreams?"

"Sometimes." Poppy said "but anything that affects the mind is delicate magic. There are potions for easy sleep and spells to create desired dreams and even some magical plants that can assist with rest."

Poppy watched Remus' face carefully. The boy was not looking at her but she could see the tense and serious set of his face. She wasn't surprised the child was having nightmares. He had whimpered all morning after the moon. The poor boy had already experienced so many traumatic events. Poppy could only be strangely grateful that, due to Obliviate, the boy had no memory of the werewolf biting him. A small mercy to her patient. Nightmares were usual for any child but Remus certainly had more fuel for the fire.

"Okay." Remus said and she watched him mull things over for a moment, waiting for him to talk. "Do you have bad dreams?"

He looked up at her then and looked so terribly open. His big brown eyes pulled at her heartstrings something fierce.

"Yes, dear. Sometimes I do. Everyone does. Some people get them worse. If they are affecting your sleep badly then it's no good at all."

Remus nodded and yawned, "It's okay. I wake up a lot but then I go right back to bed." He said firmly 

Poppy smiled at the boy "You're brave to go back to bed after a nightmare but if you're always waking it's probably affecting your sleep cycle.”

Remus looked back down at his book. The boy had a semi-difficult moon this time around. He had slept for many hours into the day. The wolf had been wild and frustrated, according to Minerva, but luckily Remus hadn’t been too harmed. Still Poppy was annoyed at the continued use of cruelty in the suppression of Remus’ lycanthropy. The situation with the Shack went against everything she believed as a healer, and truly felt no better than St. Mungo’s quarantine wards which she had been so against when Remus had first come to them. Despite hours pouring over books she couldn't find anything concrete about how to pacify a werewolf without the use of harsh spells or silver. Minerva had said quietly one night after a particularly bad row that she had a solution and that it was being looked into but hadn't told Poppy what it was. 

Poppy hated it when her wife kept things from her. She knew Minerva was simply protecting her heart from getting its hopes up in case this solution didn't work. Having a brilliant wife was sometimes both a blessing and a curse. Having a brilliant wife who also tended to lean into independence was equally difficult sometimes. Poppy would never change that brilliance or independence because it was, of course, one of the things she had fallen in love with. Poppy loved Minerva and all her faults, but she much preferred it when they were a united team. It was hard to be the witch that people only thought of as a healer. Harder when her wife did it unconsciously, cutting her out of vital information to keep her protected. She knew Minerva did it out of love and care but in this particular case it hurt. Remus was not her son but he was dear to her already. His serious, pernicious attitude and his constant curiosity made him easy to love. She wanted to play a hand in protecting him beyond just healing his bruises and breaks. She wanted to give him a solution and peace. Right now all she could do was provide him with the peace of a good rest.

“I’m going to look into a few things for you, Remus. I believe Professor Sprout might have a few ideas on nightmare cures.”

Remus shifted back down in the bed and nodded. “Thank you. It's okay if you can’t find anything. I’m big.”

“I know.” Poppy said with a smile before leaning over to tug the covers up to his chin. The stubbornness of young boys. Remus was already drifting off and that was good. If he couldn’t sleep in his dorm at least he could manage some rest here after the Full Moon with Poppy watching over him.

*  *  *

As the rains continued through the summer, Remus spent a great deal of time in the library researching and studying everything he could get his hands on. Of course he was keeping up with his prescribed studies, everything he had missed during the first part of the year, but he was also letting himself learn other things too. He found a new confidence in his writing now that he had been practicing. Professor McGonagall was very patient with his misspelled words and sloppy handwriting and her corrections gave him encouragement. In each of the letters he received from James he also got a list of words which always delighted him. He would eagerly search up the words and their meanings and he was grateful for his friend in encouraging his eagerness to learn and for being patient with his limited vocabulary.

His handwriting was still rather atrocious but it was getting better day by day. He would sit and stare at the letters from all his friends and practice trying to copy how they wrote. Sirius’ handwriting was so beautiful and looping and Remus couldn’t hope to mimic it. James’ handwriting was broad and large and felt funny in Remus’ hand. Peter and Lily’s were perhaps the easiest to copy and he found himself copying the letters sentence by sentence just so he could see how his handwriting was coming along. 

He was always aware of Dumbledore’s words; telling him how hard he was going to have to work to catch up to the other students, and implying that he would need to work even harder to be taken seriously because of his disease. Each day that loomed over him as he bent his head over the books in the library and tried to fill his mind with as much information as he could. Each parchment he wrote out to catch up on past assignments was filled with devotion and drive. He would often write out his papers several times before they finally made it to Professor McGonagall’s desk.

He had found that what Walry and Florete said was true, whenever he tried to search for books on wild magic he would find nothing. The one time he dared to search for dark magic he, of course, found that everything was in the restricted section. So instead he began reading about other people or creatures like him. He read about Werewolves, Giants, and even found one small book on House Elves. In these books they mostly covered culture and traditions but every so often he would find a small fragment of information about how their magic was different. He began to compile these instances on a parchment.

“Werewolves, due to their dark nature, often excel in more Arcane Magicks and are often guilty of using Magic to harm.”

“Dense creatures, Giants, often struggle with the most basic of magical tasks. Truly it is admirable to the ones that survive to adulthood.”

“House Elves practice a muted form of magic, often borrowing their tricks from more established wizarding practice. Perhaps the only unique trait of the elf is its ability to perform wandless and wordless magic innately.”

Remus felt terribly guilty writing any of these awful sentences down, but within them there was a grain of something to look into. He tried to look past the words calling him a monster or labeling others as dense or useless. He was desperate to learn about this magic that couldn’t be taught, and so he had to use whatever resources were available to him, even if it turned his stomach.

Sometimes he would find himself just outside the restricted section, staring past the wooden balustrade to the shelves and shelves of books that were forbidden for him to read. He ached with curiosity over them all. There were so many! How could they all be so bad that he couldn’t read them? He would place his hands on the wooden railing that separated the restricted section from the rest of the library. He would learn forward and try to read the spines of the old tomes but there appeared to be a charm on the shelves that obscured all the writing from view. It was maddening for a boy as curious as Remus was.

At one point Remus did ask Professor McGonagall about the restricted section. She had been looking over his most recent paper; written about transfiguration and its tie to alchemy. When he had blurted out the question of “Why can’t I go to the restricted section?” the witch had lowered her spectacles and put aside his paper briefly.


“Remus, the restricted section contains books that are deemed unsuitable for younger students such as yourself. Some of the books are quite rare and delicate. We cannot have every student handling them or risk losing those precious artifacts.”

Remus had squirmed under her intense stare. “Okay. That makes sense but...Does anyone read those books? It seems silly to have them and never read them.”

McGonagall had softened her gaze then. “Normally I would think it would be a Ravenclaw asking these questions. You are perhaps the most curious Gryffindor to come about in a while.”

Remus had gotten the feeling that she meant that as a compliment and he had waited patiently for more answers.

“Older students are able to access the restricted section in certain cases.” She had informed him. “Oftentimes these students are studying an advanced path in Defense Against the Dark Arts or have a concentrated interest in Runic Texts. They will work with a professor when handling the tomes from that particular section of the library.”

Remus had straightened up in delight “So I can read them when I am bigger?”

“Yes. Tentatively. Only the top students are permitted to pursue study in the restricted section. Often prefects who professors know are devoted to their studies and will properly care for the physical book and the delicate material within.”

“Okay.” Remus had nodded seriously. “Then I will become a prefect, Professor.”

Professor McGonagall had looked at him for several long moments before nodding “I do not doubt you for a moment, Remus. With proper focus, you can obtain that goal.”

This, of course, had only encouraged him to increase his studies more. He would prove to Professor McGonagall and to Headmaster Dumbledore that he could be a prefect. He would prove to everyone that a werewolf was fully capable of being more than a Dark Creature adept at dark magic. He would prove that wild magic wasn’t bad like all the books claimed! Someone had to be the first to do it, why not him?

*  *  *

It had been a little while since he had told Madam Pomfrey about his bad dreams. They were still happening, though the plant that Professor Sprout had acquired was helping. The plant was Nodding Lavender and it now was charmed to float above Remus’ headboard, filling the enclosed space of his dorm bed with a light and drowsy smell. The Nodding Lavender sensed nightmares and would release a pleasing scent whenever the dreamer was struggling. Remus had found that it was helping, though Madam Pomfrey had explained it wouldn’t cure them entirely. He liked the plant though, and it seemed happy to be there so that was alright too. It was a living thing that wasn’t scared of him. Sometimes at night when he would awake and couldn’t fall back asleep he would reach up and gently pet the Nodding Lavender plant’s leaves until he drifted back off.

Tonight he was awake again, despite the soothing Nodding Lavender. He tried to breathe in deeply and close his eyes but it wasn’t working. The night was still. Quiet. He felt restless. It wasn’t the Full Moon but he felt like the wolf wanted to run. He closed his eyes again and rested his hands on his chest.

The smell of the plant above him was soothing and he let it wash over him. Sleep continued to evade him though so instead he just let his body relax, hoping eventually it would come to him. Instead he began to hear the humming. He furrowed his brows, certain that he couldn’t be hearing the rock all the way inside the castle up in such a tall tower, but the longer he listened the more insistent the humming became. The hum came first and then the other elements of drumming and whistling and rhythmic noises. Soon it was a loud song in his head.

He sat up, keeping his eyes closed as he concentrated on the noises. It sounded so beautiful. How could he just resist it? He wanted to know and there were no books that he had access to to teach him. The humming rock seemed eager to talk to him, eager to share its voice, and his elf friends had told him to listen.

He slipped out of bed and tugged on a robe over his pajamas and walked across the dorm room. He kept his eyes shut the whole time, using his keen senses to stop himself from tripping over everything. It seemed easy to navigate at night with the humming in his head. He felt like he was moving faster and faster as he descended the Tower stairs and exited the common room. He could hear the Lady’s portrait snoring behind him and he smiled to himself. He did crack open one eye as he got to the main staircases. The humming softened slightly with his eye open but he didn’t trust himself to not accidentally miss if a staircase moved. It was much easier to get outside of the castle when it was empty. He slipped out and ran forward a bit eagerly as the humming noise in his head seemed to swell. His feet left the rough stone of the castle and slipped into the slick grass and brush of the moors and then he let himself run. The wolf inside him delighted at the sensation of running through the night, his arms and legs pumping and his mouth opening every so often to taste the crisp night air. His robes and his hair flew out behind him and he thought that this was all so much better than sleeping. To run through the night was to feel free.

Just before the edge of the forest he stopped and craned his neck back to look at the stars. They were beautiful and bright out here in the wild, standing out starkly against the black velvet sky. His mind knew the names of the stars, another thing that he couldn’t remember gaining the knowledge for. His eyes picked out constellations that were somehow familiar to him, and named the stars in them with ease. There was Sirius, shining brightly overhead and he found himself smiling. This Sirius up in the sky was bright and cold and so completely far away. His Sirius was warm and bouncy and delightful, and hopefully tucked up snugly in bed.

He nodded a goodbye to the stars before stepping foot inside the woods. The mood changed suddenly as the light of the moon and stars faded and he stepped further into cloying darkness. The wood was dense and held many secrets. He knew he should be scared of this forbidden place, but he couldn’t bring himself to be when it felt very natural to be here. He stumbled over a few roots before stopping and letting himself take a breath. The humming swelled inside him and when he opened his eyes again he felt like he could see better. Perhaps his eyes had just adjusted or perhaps the song of the rock was guiding him. Walking forward now was easy and steady. His feet found the places between roots and rocks and stepped sure and quiet. His ears picked up small sounds around him and he knew where trees and creatures were and let each have their spaces. He was a predator in this place and he didn’t want to cause any undo fear. Tonight he was not a wolf, not here to hunt, but just to listen and learn.

The deeper he got the louder the humming became and the more singular his focus. The humming sounded slightly different tonight though. It had a steadier sort of beat to it. He wasn’t walking the same path that the rock had taken him on the first time, either. He frowned slightly when he realized that he was even walking away from the lake. Shouldn’t he be going towards that creek and the pebble beach? But each time he turned in the direction of that beach and the rock the humming drumming seemed to fade. It didn’t want him to go there. So he continued on this new path which seemed to be leading him to a denser darker part of the forest. Soon the trees were so tightly packed together that in order to navigate he had to swerve and duck around branches and old fallen logs. Tiny prickly pine boughs scratched at his face and his hands and sharp smelling sap clung to his robes. The drumming was getting louder and louder.

He pushed away another bough and stepped into a clearing in the center of the ancient cedar forest. In front of him was a massive tall rock. A new and different rock. Remus’ mouth hung open as he realized that this rock was drumming and the other rock was humming. He closed his eyes and he could hear the song of so many other noises. The humming was there, distant and off to his left, the drumming was right in front of him, and there were so many other noises making this song! It wasn’t one rock. There were many rocks. Many instruments all playing their part in the strange song he was hearing in his mind.

He stepped forward eagerly and put both his hands on the surface of the drumming rock. This rock felt different than the one on the beach. It was craggy and rough and covered in mosses and lichens where that rock had been bathed smooth in the waves of the lake. He craned his neck backwards to stare up at the tall rock. It was an oblong shape with a hole carved through it up near the top. On the middle part he could see carvings, though they were so filled with moss that he couldn’t tell what they were of. He wondered if the beach rock was also this tall, because that meant it was sunk at least six feet under those gray pebbles.

The standing stone seemed to send out another deep drum and then it fell silent. Remus closed his eyes but he couldn’t hear the song anymore. He sighed and leaned his forehead against the rough surface of the rock. They weren’t going to teach him anything else tonight; though the lesson he had learned was already valuable. He took a few steps back and stared at the rock. He wondered how it had come to be all the way out here in the Forbidden Forest. He wondered how the other had come to be on the beach. He knew now that they were wild magic and that he could somehow connect with them but he didn’t know much more than that. 

He turned around, ready to go back, and balked when the forest was dark and unwelcoming. He backed up slightly, until his back touched the rough stone. It hadn’t seemed so dark on his journey to the stone but now the forest seemed entirely black and dauntless without the song guiding him along. He couldn’t walk into there, he wouldn’t be able to see any path back. He turned around and laid his hands on the drumming rock.

“Please stone.” He begged. “I need your song back. I can’t see.”

Nothing happened. 

He swiveled his head to peer over his shoulder and shuddered at the darkness. The wolf inside of him was silent and sleeping and no longer wanting to run through the night. Remus was scared. He sat down against the stone and hugged his robe around him. The night seemed so much colder but he hadn’t felt chill before. He hugged his knees to his chest and burrowed his face down against them. If nothing else he was quite used to sleeping in uncomfortable places.

He spent a rough and fitful night in the forest, wishing he had just stayed under the soft soothing scent of his Nodding Lavender. In the morning he was awakened by birdsong, though, and the smell of fresh dew on the moss and the trees. The smell was just as good as the Nodding Lavender. The pine forest smelled sharp and clean and when he stretched out his body to wake up he felt good. Nothing had eaten him up in the night and the darkness had passed. He hadn’t even had any nightmares.

He sat up and leant up against the stone and stretched his legs out in front of him. He smiled to himself as he wiggled his toes into the moss. Moss was just as wonderful as grass on bare feet and it released a lovely deep loamy smell whenever he moved his toes. He sighed happily and tilted his head back and looked up at the stone from this angle. The lines on it were a bit easier to see with the morning light raking across its surface. He pushed himself to his feet and stepped back to get a better view. The lines seemed to join together to make one big angular rune. He was used to seeing runes on covers and spines of textbooks but he wasn’t any good at reading them yet. Sirius could read runes though, part of his pureblood upbringing, and Remus wondered if his best friend would know what this rune meant. He would simply need to bring out some parchment to record it next time he came to the forest.

Remus left the clearing with even more questions than before but an eagerness to find the answers. If there were two rocks, perhaps there were more, and perhaps he could find those as well. He thought of the scratchy maps he was making of Hogwarts and wondered if perhaps he could find a map of the Forbidden Forest in the library. With excitement, he started back on his way. He felt like the Forest was welcoming him in, giving him this puzzle, and making him a part of something bigger. He spent a portion of his walk back completely lost in thought about the rocks and what questions he would seek out in the library. He most likely would have spent the entire walk distracted and within his own thoughts had he not been rather suddenly interrupted. As he entered a clearing he heard a loud thunk beside his head. The noise was enough to startle him and cause him to look towards the source of the noise. An arrow was still quivering in the wood of the pine beside him.

Immediately he turned back around with wide eyes and instinct made him crouch down slightly in fear when he saw several Centaurs surrounding the far edge of the clearing, all with crossbows and weapons raised.

“You do not belong in our woods, wolf.” The lead Centaur spoke with a steel to her gaze that made the hairs on Remus’ arms raise. Her voice was dangerous and cold and Remus saw her shift her crossbow over to his chest.

He crouched lower and let out a feral little growl, his toes and fingers curling in the moss and the dirt. He did belong here in this wood! His fear kept him silent though, and he could feel his body trembling. He didn’t want to be hunted and he was terrified of the cruelty of strangers.

“We have smelled the predator in our woods.” Another Centaur intoned. “We will not allow a beast to stalk our home.”

He shrank back against the nearest tree and instinct from being in the cage took over. He made himself as small as he could, curling up his long legs and hugging his arms around his head. It had worked to stop most of the silver Sickles from hitting him in the cage, but he knew it wouldn’t stop the myriad of arrows pointed at him. He didn’t feel like a predator right now, he felt like nothing more than quivering prey.

“What d’you think yer doin’?” A rough and loud voice came booming out and Remus shrunk even more, convinced that this must indeed be the largest Centaur of them all.

“This does not concern you, groundskeeper.” The lead Centaur intoned.

“Don’ concern me? Don’ concern me!? Yeh’ve got yer bows pointed at a student, Au’lain.”

Remus lifted his head to peak but he kept his arms covering it. Au’lain, the Centaur, was standing and frowning in displeasure at Hagrid. Remus had come into contact briefly with Hagrid a few times but it had always been for short little moments. Both Au’lain and Hagrid looked annoyed with one another and the other Centaurs had lowered their weapons and seemed to be waiting for the verdict.

“This wolf is a threat to our lands. We cannot allow a predator to roam free while our foals grow in these same woods.”

Hagrid snorted, a loud abrasive sound that made Remus jump slightly. “This ain’t no predator, yeh jumped up fool. Remus here is a student. Protected by Dumbledore, no less. And right now it ain’t ‘im that is looking like a predator, is it now?”

Hagrid slung his own large crossbow onto his back and walked over to where Remus was cowering. Remus flinched when his enormous hand came down but all Hagrid did was grab the back of his shirt, pull him upright, and set him on his feet. He then proceeded to pat Remus on the back so hard that Remus almost went face first back down into the moss. Hagrid, however, was already moving back towards Au’lain and the other Centaurs. Remus hugged his arms around himself but he stayed standing. Cautiously he took a few steps forward towards the Centaurs and towards Hagrid. He could understand their fear and that understanding made him want to stand up for himself and assuage that fear.

“I’m not a predator.” He said, right as he saw Hagrid opening his mouth to speak again.

The adults all turned to eye him and he firmly stood his ground. He had to be brave, he was a Gryffindor. He did belong in these woods, they had called to him.

“I’m a wolf, that's true, but I’m not here to hurt your...your foals.” He said carefully. He didn’t know the word foal but from context he knew it must be their children. “I think I’m a bit of a foal myself.” He added with a shrug.

This statement got a few little laughs and nods from some of the Centaurs, little things that were quickly covered when Au’lain dragged her noble head around to look at them.

Bolstered by this Remus continued “The woods called to me and I came. I am not here as a wolf right now, just here as Remus, and I don’t want to hurt anyone.”

Au’lain stepped around Hagrid and over towards Remus. He tried not to shrink back but the Centaur was intimidating. In class they had learned about the Centaurs in the woods. They were supposed to be violent and unsavory creatures; base and cruel. Au’lain didn’t seem to be the wild thing depicted in the textbooks. She was tall and graceful, for one, her horse body a sleek dappled grey that rose into a firm, tan, and muscled human body. Though she didn’t wear human clothing she had adorned herself with jewelry made of carved wood of different colors and her silvery white hair was carefully braided back from her face. She was stern but lovely and her long face was etched with both wisdom. Her green eyes were fierce as she bent low towards him. Though at first her demeanor had been scary and cold it seemed now she was willing to hear his voice.

“A lone wolf without a pack is dangerous. Unpredictable.” Au’lain said, and Remus felt like it was some sort of strange warning that he didn’t understand.

“I’m not going to hurt anybody. I only come to the forest when I am Remus. I don’t come on Full Moons.”

“You have before.” Au’lain said. “Does the little wolf think he can get away with such a plain lie?”

Remus balked slightly and glanced towards Hagrid. “That was only one time and it won’t happen again. I...I almost hurt someone then. Now on Full Moons I transform somewhere safe. Dumbledore made it. I promise I’m not going to hurt anybody in your pack.”

More laughter. He thought pack was the wrong word but he didn’t know how else to say it. “Please.” He continued. “I know I belong in the forest, you have to let me! I’m not a danger.”

"We have not allowed wolves in our wood for many years." Au'lain informed him

Remus perked up at this as excitement rocketed through him. There had been people like him before? "Can you tell me about them?" He asked "I know about the stones and I want to know so much more."

Au'lain looked at him curiously at his mention of the stones and she straightened up. One enormous hoof stamped the ground twice, startling him, and then she took several steps back and turned to Hagrid.

"We will allow the little wolf in this form." Au'lain said before turning back to the other Centaurs. She looked over her shoulder at Hagrid and then at Remus. “But if he proves a threat, we will not be so kind again.”

She lifted her arm and made a few motions with it and then all the centaurs thundered off through the woods, leaving Remus watching them in stunned awe at the speed and grace they moved off through the trees and roots. Remus and Hagrid were left alone then and Remus didn’t have to wait long for the man to let out a grunt. 

“Well! Best be off then. Come on, then, shouldn’t have a student wandering ‘bout when I know ‘bout it.” Hagrid gestured for Remus to follow and Remus felt he had no choice, despite the whirlwind of encounters and thoughts rushing through his mind. He would have liked to sit on the moss and process for a few moments.

He followed Hagrid through the woods, noticing that the man managed very well in the woods despite his size. Hagrid seemed to know all the paths; both man and game, and where they led. Soon they were both leaving the forest and walking into the sunshine-swathed garden near Hagrid’s Hut. In all of his wandering Remus had avoided Hagrid’s Hut. It hadn’t seemed like a scary place, in fact he thought the small crooked hut seemed quite cozy looking. But Hagrid was still some sort of authority figure here at the school and Remus didn’t want to be told he couldn’t walk through the woods. He supposed that his wanderings were finished now, at least until he could borrow the invisibility cloak again. He sighed morosely at that thought.

“What's got yeh down, little one? Come now, nothing a spot of tea and a scone can’t fix.” Hagrid said, pulling a large key from his pocket and going to unlock his door.

He followed Hagrid into the hut, always willing to eat some food. Hagrid’s hut was warm and dim. The small hut smelled of hay and herbs and a deeper sort of animal smell lay infused beneath it all. Remus closed his eyes and breathed in deeply. It was like the den of some kingly large animal and he felt his shoulders easing down. He heard humming and opened his eyes to see that Hagrid had shed his bulky outer cloak and had tied his hair up into a massive bushy ponytail. Now the man was tottering about near the fire, setting a kettle onto a hook and swinging it over the flames. Remus hadn’t even seen him light the fire so he must’ve used magic. Another smell arose and Remus lifted his nose and sniffed. Blueberries. He turned his head towards the massive cast iron stove on the far side of Hagrid's Hut. The smell seemed to be emanating from that and he hoped that this smell was the aforementioned scones; cooking to perfection the moment Hagrid came home. The magic in this place was homely and good. It was simple: A fire to come home to, freshly baked goods, and lamps lighting along the walls. Remus found he rather liked this simple and homey magic. It wasn’t something he had learned much of in classes but it was realistic and happy.

“Well don’ just stand in the doorway!” Hagrid said, turning with his hands on his hips and a smile on his face. “Come on in, sit down. Sit down.”

Remus nodded and padded into the room and took a tentative seat on an overstuffed armchair. He sank right into it with a smile.

“I was hopin’ you’d come ter visit eventually.” Hagrid said as he pulled a delicate porcelain tea-service out of an old battered wooden cupboard. He set this tea-service down carefully and Remus noticed that the rims of the cups were all decorated with porcelain versions of the flowers that grew around Hogwarts.

“You were?” Remus murmured. “I would think you would want me to stay away.”

“Away? No! Goodness no, lad. You’re one o’ the first werewolves I’ve got to meet. Pardon me saying, but I’ve always wanted ter meet one. Not often I get others like meself around these parts.”

Remus leaned forward eagerly. “You’re a werewolf?!” His chest swelled with delight. He wasn’t alone. Moony seemed to howl somewhere deep and excited within him.

“No, lad.” Hagrid said and his dark brown eyes seemed to know the answer had made Moony curl up into a sad little ball inside Remus’ chest. Remus himself leaned back into the chair and tried not to look sad. “I’m a Giant. Well, half-giant. Demihuman, like you.”

“Halfbreed?” Remus said, tilting his head. He hadn’t heard the other word. He had just been reading about Giants the other day and everything said halfbreed.

Hagrid’s face went morose for a moment. “Aye. Halfbreed. Tha's the word they use in all those books in the library. Demihuman is the, er, polite term, especially fer one like yourself.”

Remus thought about this for a moment. The words didn’t really matter to him. He still knew he was different. Hagrid was too. Perhaps that is why he smelled different than other humans, the deeper smelling thing must be the part of him that was Giant. Hagrid got up, filling up the space once more, as the kettle began to whistle. He began making the pot of tea and then ambled over to pull open the oven door. He tugged on two large oven mitts and pulled out the best smelling scones Remus had ever smelled. His stomach rumbled even more. Hagrid returned with the scones and set them down and Remus leaned forward, ready to devour the whole platter of them.

“Hold yer horses, still hot there.” Hagrid said, easing back down and pouring them tea. He slid Remus’ saucer over to him and Remus took it to be polite but really he just wanted the food.

“Good to see you have a ‘ealthy appetite.” Hagrid said with a chuckle. “I’ve heard o’ some werewolves struggling ter adjust ter foods other ‘n meat after their change.”

“I like all food.” Remus informed him. “Meat is good. But so are blueberries.”

Hagrid smiled at this “Well I always like to have people enjoy my baking. You’re welcome to stop by whenever you come out o’ the woods.”

Remus perked up at this “You’re not going to scold me for going into the Forest?”

“No, lad.”

“But isn’t it Forbidden?”

Hagrid took a sip of his tea before leaning back and shaking his head. “The Forest is only Forbidden to humans, lad. Ones like us, we belong there an’ cannot be kept out. Now I’m not saying Dumbledore would like you goin’ in there but I’m only saying that I won’t be the one tattlin’ on yeh.”

Remus felt a warmth in his chest. The forest wasn’t forbidden to him. Perhaps this was the best thing yet that had come with his lycanthropy. He lifted his teacup to his lips and sipped carefully from the painted porcelain. Hagrid leaned forward to check the temperature of the scones before sliding the platter nearer to Remus. Remus instantly set aside his tea in favor of grabbing one of the freshly baked scones and biting into it. Warm blueberry goo exploded on his tongue and the top of the scone was baked with brown sugar crusted onto it. The bread was dense but soft and the whole thing seemed buttery even without any added. He finished the first scone far too quickly and reached for a second while Hagrid chuckled at him.

“Yes, with a review like tha’ you’re more than welcome to come try my baking any time.”

Remus grinned and nodded “It's great, Hagrid. You should meet Florete. She’s my friend house elf and she does a lot of baking. You two would make the best things together.”

Hagrid chuckled and spread his massive hands. “Bring her round some time. Gets a bit lonely down here at the edge. Could always use some company. Not after hours, mind you.” He tapped the side of his nose. “Still got to maintain some of Dumbledore’s rules with yeh. Not after hours and not when you’re supposed to be in classes.”

Remus nodded quickly. “I’d never skip a class. I know I’m lucky to be here.”

Hagrid looked terribly sad all of a sudden and didn’t say anything as he popped a scone into his mouth like it was nothing. “Don’ ever let them tell you you don’ belong somewhere, Remus.” Hagrid said, with a bit of force. “Dumbledore is a great man, you see. But you’re just as capable as any other wizard there, no matter what some might say. And don’ listen ter those books all the time neither!” He scoffed “They call us halfbreeds! Can’ even get the term right.”

Remus nodded firmly. “Hogwarts is our home.”

Hagrid reached out a huge hand and ruffled up Remus’ hair and Remus knew he probably looked absolutely insane after the action. He settled back to finish his tea and scones. After a few moments he was yawning and rubbing at his face.

“Alright now, back to the castle with ye. Take some scones in yer pocket, there you are.” Hagrid said, gently ushering Remus to the door. Remus probably had six scones in his pocket from the kindly man. He turned on the doorstep.

“Thank you Hagrid. From saving me from the Centaurs and for being so nice.”

Hagrid seemed to blush a bit “Oh ain’t nothin’. Go on, get back to the castle.”

“I’ll come visit.” Remus promised.

Hagrid patted his head gently. “See that you do, lad.”

Remus waved goodbye as he started up the path, a smile on his face. He reached into his pocket to pull out a scone to munch on the way back home. He’d made yet another friend.

*  *  *

The Wolf paced around the Shack in displeasure. Too many Moons already, it had been trapped in this space. Too many Moons where the wolf could smell the outside world but not reach it. The Wolf knew what it was to run in those woods. He had run there before, after the pale and weak one, and he ached to run again. The Wolf could not run in this caged off dark place. He already knew the limits of this place with its dark narrow walls and strange wooden sky and painful biting silver caging him in. No matter how the Wolf tried it could not tear out of this prison.

The Wolf had been caged before, and the wolf had been free before, the wolf had memories of running. The wolf had run through damp grass that smelled of salt. The wolf had run through dense woods chasing animals and howling at the moon above. The Wolf had seen the Moon that the boy never had.

And the Wolf had not run alone. The Wolf longed to have a pack again. It was meant to have a pack! The pounding of paws on the moss as one, the satisfying snuffling of pack against ear, the playful gnashing of teeth. The Wolf needed his pack.

If only the Wolf could get out. He howled and threw himself against the wooden cage again and again. Claws scrambled against the walls, clawing and digging. Teeth bit against the window sill, feeling the familiar burning ache that came with this bite. This time the wolf didn’t stop, kept pushing and fighting, growling against the pain. The Wolf tasted blood and saw red and lifted its massive head and howled.

*  *  *

Remus shuddered awake after the Moon and his hands flew to his mouth. He felt himself begin to sob at how torn up his mouth and teeth were and the blood flowing from it. His hands were no better, the fingernails either torn or completely missing. The Wolf had been so wild this moon, so vicious to get out. Remus could smell the blood around him and he cracked open an eye and sobbed harder when he saw the bloody claw and bite marks around one particular window. He closed his eyes again and curled into a ball and let himself weep.

It was one thing to feel this pain as himself, but he knew the Wolf didn’t understand why they had to remain in the Shack. The wolf was selfish and just wanted to run about. The Wolf didn’t understand that they could hurt people and that Remus was only trying to keep them both safe. Mornings after the Full Moon were hard because he wanted to hate the Wolf for tearing apart his body like this, but he also knew how horrible it was to be alone and the Wolf was always alone. Remus wasn’t alone anymore. He had a whole list of friends to call his own. He had The Marauders, of course, but he also had more than that. Lily and the other girls, Walry and Florete, Madam Pomfrey and Hagrid. Each month the list of people grew and grew and each month the Wolf grew more and more angry and restless. There was nothing Remus could do to keep the Wolf from being alone.

“Remus!”

He started to sob more when he heard Madam Pomfrey’s horrified gasp and then felt the healer’s warm hands on him, turning him over and delicately taking his face. He tried to cover his ruined mouth with his ruined hands but she gently took his hands away so she could see.

“Oh darling.” Her voice was so soft and he felt it when she pet a hand through his blood-matted hair. The fingers were soothing and gentle and oddly familiar and he felt himself sobbing even more.

“Alright now. This is going to take more than usual, dear. I’m going to lift you now.” Madam Pomfrey said before gathering Remus into her arms and lifting. Remus tried to tilt his bloody face away so she wouldn’t get dirty but one of her hands gently shifted it to rest against her bosom. He cried harder at that, knowing he was hiccupping up blood and snot and making her a mess.

He felt like he was floating on the walk back to the castle, ensconced in the warm lovely cloud of Madam Pomfrey’s arms. He could tell when they entered the castle because the smell changed, but when she tried to put him down on a bed he mewled and twisted back into her arms. He felt so faint and out of it and he knew that he had lost a lot of blood tonight. He didn’t want to leave the warmth of her, he felt so cold.

He felt another warmth wrap over him and as the warming spell eased over his body he felt himself be put down once more. He knew he was in his little corner of the infirmary and he dragged his head weakly to the side to open his eyes. He’d put his letters there on the wall yesterday. All the drawings that Peter had sent him; of the fort that he and James were building, of the cute puffy owl that had delivered Remus’ letters to him, and a drawing of James on a broomstick. Beside Peter’s drawings were a bunch of random magazine tear outs that James had sent along. Most of them were Quidditch related but some were not. Remus especially liked the picture of a black cat grooming its paws. Lastly there were some of Sirius’ letters. Just his friend’s elegant looping handwriting was enough to make him feel better. All his friends were here. He sniffled and let his eyes fall shut.

Remus floated away into sleep but it wasn’t peaceful. His hands and face were throbbing and even with the warming charm on him his body was shivering from the shock and trauma of the night. Occasionally he would hear voices or noises around him and he was aware of Madam Pomfrey casting healing spells over him. The pain didn’t seem to ease like it usually did once he came to her care. He didn’t have the energy to cry anymore but he heard himself making pitiful whining whimpers, sad sounds rising from the back of his throat.

He could also hear the stones, joining in with his own whimpers he could hear the humming and drumming of the stones he knew, as well as the other sounds from the stones he hadn’t yet met. They were there in his mind, calling to him louder and louder and louder. He didn’t know how to tell the stones that he couldn’t answer their song right now, but he fell into the music in his mind and drew strength from it.

“Remus.” He heard Madam Pomfrey’s voice near him and it sounded worried “Remus, darling, you need to stop casting. Dear, if you shield yourself I can’t heal you.”

Remus didn’t understand her words and just curled into a tighter ball and pressed his hands against his mouth. He’d lost his fangs, hadn’t he? The wolf had bit too fiercely. He remembered when the men came into his cage and pulled out one of his teeth. It had hurt so ferociously and he had wept for days afterwards as he tried to eat and only felt pain. He’d had a gap in his teeth ever since. Now the Wolf had lost more. What would he look like now? He had started to like his face and his smile and now it would be all wrong.

“Remus!” Madam Pomfrey sounded incredibly strange. Frantic, almost. It wasn’t like her to lose her calm after the night of a moon. He must look horrible. His whining grew, as did the song of the stones.

Time slipped by and he languished in the pain, feeling it when the blood dripped from his mouth and dampened the pillow under his head. He could only smell the iron tang of it, overwhelming all other smells.

“I cannot heal him, Headmaster.” Madam Pomfrey’s voice again, sounding exhausted beyond belief. “He began shielding himself almost as soon as we arrived. The common banishments aren’t working on his shield. He’s bleeding too much but I do not think he is aware enough to understand what he’s doing.”

Remus felt his bed sag slightly and he curled up tighter. He could hear another voice then, a low chanting that was steady and sure of itself. With the voice came a change in the song of the stones. They seemed to grow louder, drowning out the voice above him, singing deeper and stronger until Remus couldn’t hear anything but the stones in his mind. Fighting against the chanting of the calm steady voice. Remus tried to focus on the song of the stones but his concentration slipped and the calm voice of Dumbledore, speaking spell words he didn’t know, slipped through into his consciousness.

Silence. The stones stopped singing.

Then hands, pulling him over and pressing against his face. He didn’t have the strength to bite the hands. He didn’t want them to take any more teeth. He needed his fangs. His safety. protection. 

Pressure against his mouth and frantic words above him, a strange sensation around his lips and then around his hands. Liquid spilling across his tongue. He lapped at the liquid and when it was gone he was given more. Thirst beyond belief. Hunger that wasn’t fed.

The gentle sensation of his damp bloody pillow being tugged away and replaced with one that was soft and smelled of lavender. Blankets carefully tucked around him.

Sleep.

*  *  *

Poppy sat down heavily at her desk and waved her wand towards the kettle in the corner to set it to heat. Her hands were trembling which showed just how taxing the entire morning had been, it had been a long time since her hands had shoke over a patient.

“Allow me, Poppy.” Dumbledore said, summoning the tea and cups when the kettle began to whistle.

Poppy nodded gratefully as a cup and saucer was placed in front of her. She wasn’t normally in the habit of having tea with Dumbledore in her office, that was more her wife’s style, but after a hectic morning they both needed a steadying draught. She sipped hers and pushed back some of the strands of hair that had escaped during the chaos of trying to heal a werewolf that hadn’t wanted to be healed.

“That has never happened before.” She said, setting her cup down and shaking her head. “He would have shielded himself right into death if you hadn’t managed to dispel it.”

Dumbledore let out a musing hum and seemed to be thinking deeply on the entire situation. It happened quite suddenly. Poppy had gotten a warming charm on the boy and had prepared to begin healing the damage when suddenly a Protego charm had popped up around Remus, cutting her magic off from him. No matter what she had done the typical dissolving charms had not worked against his Protego.