Archive of Our Own ^beta

When you're four years, two months, and six days old, you're not going to remember much of your life before that.
Days come and go, the sun rises, the sun sets.
The world turns, the sun is the center of the solar system.
Your parents are there, or they're not, but they always come back.
You learn new things, you let your curiosity drive you through the days.

But sometimes, you learn things you don't want to know.
Sometimes you're forced to grow a bit too much, a bit too fast.
Sometimes it's as if you've skipped a step, and you get a moment of jolting panic before you move past it.
Sometimes you trip, but you're guided back up to the step by someone who's already a lot further down their staircase.
Sometimes you are pushed.
Sometimes you trip and fall down the whole staircase, and sometimes you get stuck on one step.
Sometimes your parents don't come back.

In the case of Morgan Stark, it is her father who does not come back.
She skips a step, but she hasn't quite realised it yet.
She's still falling.

...

Morgan Stark is four years, two months, and six days old.
Her father will never come home.

Because she has yet to realise that she's falling, she doesn't understand that it will never again be her father to stop her falling too far down her steps, too soon.
She doesn't realise that she will never truly get to stop falling.
She doesn't realise that her mom, Happy, Rhodey, Harley, and Peter will only ever be able to slow down her fall from now on.
She doesn't realise that she's already staring into the abyss.

…

Morgan Stark is four years, two months, and fifteen days old.
It is the day she must say goodbye to her father.

She is still yet to realise that she has tripped, though already there are so many people trying to stop her falling too far, too fast.
The days are cycling over, the earth still circling the sun, but for her it's going slower.
Her foot has almost landed on its next step.

…

Morgan Stark is exactly five years old.
Her father has still not come back.

This is the day she realises she has slipped.
Her eyes widen, suddenly seeing the long fall ahead of her, and the people reaching up to slow it.
This is the day her foot lands on that next step.
But she's not yet in free fall.

…

Morgan Stark is seven years, eight months, and two days old.
Someone has tried to kill her.

Today, she is pushed a little more, realizing a little too late that one of the people holding her up is trying not to collapse on her own steps.
Her eyes widen again, and she scrunches them up, preparing herself for the inevitable fall.

…

Morgan Stark is seven years, nine months, and seven days old.
Her mother is declared dead.

Her mother has collapsed on her steps, being pulled back up and out of reach.
Rhodey, Peter, Harley, and Happy scramble to realign themselves.
In the process, her foot skips the next step and she falls three more before they can pause her free fall again.
A tear slips from her eye.

…

Morgan Stark is seven years, nine months, and nine days old.
She has been told to pack a bag.

Rhodey has suddenly increased his hold on her falling self; almost taking her full weight as everyone else basks in the short reprieve.
She struggles, an attempt to right herself, and ends up falling further.
The others look at her with sadness and pity in their features.
She stares right back.

…

Morgan Stark is exactly eight years old.
Four people tell her happy birthday.

They all look at her in pity, then panic, as she falls a bit further, this time almost to spite them.
She's angry.
Angry at the steps, angry at the world, angry at the people trying to stop her fall.
She wants to swap staircases and walk up to her parents.
But once you're falling, there is only one way to stop.

…

Morgan Stark is eight years, seven months, and sixteen days old.
She has just tried to kill herself.

The only way to stop the fall is to stop: fully.
Morgan decides that this might just be the only way.
But Rhodey had held her, stopped her immediate collapse, and tried to stop her rolling down the stairs.
Peter, Happy, and Harley had joined him shortly after.

…

Morgan Stark is eight years, eleven months, and twelve days old.
She has just woken up.

They all felt it, when she took some of her weight back.
The relief was great.
It then turned to anger.
Morgan is pestered with words, words meant to hold her up but which only succeed in doing the opposite.
She is tired.
She falls a bit further.

…

Morgan Stark is eight years, eleven months, and seventeen days old.
She has been released from hospital.

The four males decide to add another to the mix, a woman by the name of Gina.
Gina immediately steps up, asking questions and giving answers of her own.
Morgan refuses to answer any of them.
She doesn't care that she's falling ever further.

…

Morgan Stark is twelve years, six months, and five days old.
Therapist number nine has just quit.

Somehow, a part of her realises just how far she's fallen, just how far she's about to fall, and just how much pressure she's putting on those underneath her.
She manages to lighten their load a bit, and they all smile ‘up’ at her.
They don't realise that it doesn't mean she's any lighter.

…

Morgan Stark is exactly sixteen years old.
She's just started at Harvard.

She's heavier than before, but no one seems to notice.
They smile at her 'progress'.
She laughs in her head.
Peter has taken a more relaxed stance, all of them have.
No one realises just how far she's already fallen.
They're not holding her up anymore.

…

Morgan Stark is eighteen years, seven months, and twelve days old.
She has just graduated with a degree in psychology.

She has actually gotten lighter than before, barely.
What no one realises is that she's about to go crashing down.

…

Morgan Stark is eighteen years, ten months, and zero days old.
New York has just gone up in flames.

She watches Rhodey, Harley, and Happy collapse on their steps, as Peter barely stops himself doing the same.
She feels another shove, but this time no one catches her.
She is too heavy to catch herself.

…

Morgan Stark is nineteen years, two months, and six days old.
Her father died fifteen years ago. Today, she inherits his company.

Fifteen years ago she slipped for the first time.
Since then, she's gotten heavier and heavier, losing more and more of her support until all that was left was one person, halfway to collapse on his steps.
No one sees just how far down her steps she is.
No one sees that she's still in free fall.
No one is there to stop her.

…

Morgan Stark is exactly twenty years old.
She's just decided to let Peter off the hook.

She watches his collapse and subsequent rise up his steps from further down than he ever got.
She keeps falling.
She lets her tears fall too, where no one sees them.

…

Morgan Stark is twenty six years, five months, and thirty days old.
She has just become the leader of the Young Avengers.

She has too little arms and too many people to balance, but she makes do.
She's still falling, fast, but she stops them from doing the same.
Though, one of them has always been more observant than most.

…

Morgan Stark is twenty seven years, one month, and two days old.
Kate Bishop has come to talk to her.

For the first time in a long time, someone reaches an arm out to help her.
They both know that Kate might get tugged down with her.
Morgan is sick of trying.
Kate is too stubborn.
So she lets herself grab hold.
Amazingly, Kate manages to slow her free fall.
For a bit.

…

Morgan Stark is thirty two years, three months, and seventeen days old.
She has finally told Kate everything. Kate has returned the favour.

They both widen their eyes as Kate reaches down a bit too far, intent on dragging her back up even though they both know it's impossible.
Morgan doesn't know why she lets her.
They are both in free fall now, Morgan only slightly heavier with her added guilt.
But she has someone to stop for now, a reason to stop falling quite so fast.

…

Morgan Stark is thirty two years, three months, and twenty six days old.
She has a person now.

Morgan manages, with Kate's help, to slow to a speed she hasn't fallen at since she'd first slipped, back before she'd even realised.
Kate is on the same step as her, her staircase just across from her, and she manages to smile, in the place where only one person can see her.

…

Morgan Stark is forty three years, four months, and twenty four days old.
She's just gotten married.

For the first time since she was four years old, Morgan Stark takes a step down her staircase, fully purposefully.
Kate does too.
They smile, and here it is for everyone to see.

…

Morgan Stark is forty six years, two months, and eight days old.
She and Kate have just adopted a kid.

They both take another step, smiling but scared.
They reach their arms up, up, up.
Dakota Bishop-Stark has two hands holding her up, six days after she's born.
They smile.

…

Morgan Stark is fifty one years, two months, and two days old.
Her daughter has just started school.

Dakota now has twelve pairs of hands holding her up, a smile on her face.
She takes her steps one at a time, not truly slipping ever.

…

Morgan Stark is fifty four years, two months, and six days old.
Her father died fifty years ago.

She first slipped fifty years ago.
She hasn't slipped in years.
Kate is there, keeping her up.
She's the lightest she's ever been.
She can show her true self to Kate.
She is happy.

…

Morgan Stark is sixty four years, five months, and twelve days old.
Her daughter just graduated high school.

She lets her daughter take another step, relaxing her hold a bit.
She keeps her arm up, smiling in happiness.
Beside her, Kate smiles too.

…

Morgan Stark is seventy two years, three months, and eleven days old.
Her daughter has just gotten married.

She entrusts her hold to Alex, the person she'd walked her daughter down the aisle to.
Kate does the same.
They keep their arms ready, should Dakota fall, but finally she can turn to Kate and hug her, kiss her in this place where it is only truly them who see each other.

…

Morgan Stark is ninety seven years, six months, and seven days old.
She is falling.

The staircase seems to shake, and her and Kate turn to each other, hugging and kissing and waiting.
She sees Kate collapse first.
Then she does.
This time, she does not get back up.

…

Morgan Stark is dead.
Her daughter mourns her.

Dakota turns to her partner to be held up by them, as the two pairs of hands there almost all her life are taken away.
Alex does their job well, preventing Dakota from falling too far.
They will recover (together, on their steps, before they fall).

…

Morgan Stark is negative two minutes.
She looks around.

Up here, you've already fallen as far as you can fall.
You get to see the people who had held you up.
Her father greets her.
She smiles.
She is home.