Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Someone once told me, you have to fall in order for you to grow.” Addison whispered as she’s writing on her diary. “But right now, I don’t know if I still have the strength to get up. The man I love left me for good.” Then a loud thunder shook her hotel room. “Oh, it’s like taking me back to the past. When he went home drunk, dragged me out of the bed, talking about the video, that I cheated. He threw me out of our brownstone apartment in New York while the rain was pouring so hard.” She sighed, tucking the pen in between the pages of her diary, decided to stop because she was hurting so much. Her tears started prickling down her porcelain cheeks where the marks of the past resides. Cold night, yet again. The warmth of her husband was slowly fading away, the only thing Addison could feel for the last three days were cold shoulders.

She flew down to Seattle to win Derek back. She tried so hard to fight for him, to prove him she’s still the Addison he met in the summer, the Addison he married and promised love for eternity. At first, she thought that Derek was ready to work things out as he had told her, but those were just his façade words to cover his secret—that he’s still seeing the one Addison was jealous of. And yesterday’s night, he left her standing alone on the floor of couples, dancing slowly with a romantic music. She felt embarrassed standing there alone, so she walked away to lock herself in the on-call room—to cry her eyes out. And this morning, her heart shattered into millions of pieces, her world crumbled as if it was 3022. A black lace panties were tucked inside Derek’s tuxedo’s pocket. “Clearly he left me standing there alone, to fvck the intern.” The redhead wiped the bitter tears off her face. “Our marriage is over. It’s time for me to move on.”

~

Amelia and Link’s wedding.

~

“Addison, hi!” Amelia Shepherd-Lincoln excitedly hugged her former sister-in-law tight. It’s been two years since they saw each other, but there closeness, still the same. Amelia never treated Addison as stranger, unlike the man Shepherd. “You look beautiful. You’re glowing.” Amelia looked at Addison up and down with her glimmering eyes. “Thank you Amy, so are you. Look at you, you’re married now. But I still look at you as the little Amy who believes in unicorn.” Amelia laughed, hugging Addison again. “I’m glad you came Addie.”

“Yeah. I’m gonna regret with the rest of my life to miss your wedding day.”

“Thank you. Well then, I’ll see you around.”

They were at the wedding reception—The Shepherd’s family house. Addison found herself walking towards the garden where there’s a wooden swing set. She sat down, reminiscing the nights she stayed there, waiting for Derek to come home. Those were their happy times. They both sat there, arms around each other, staring at the moon and writing their future in the stars.

“Elfin.” Derek whispered. Addison looked up at him. “I will always look at you the way I look at the moon. Elfin.”

Those were the exact words Derek told her the first time they spent the night under the moon and stars.

“Do you also tell that to—” Addison didn’t want to say the woman Derek had chosen over her. “No.” Derek answered his ex wife straight and profound. The redhead just nodded, then looked at the night skies again. “Amelia’s married.” She silently muttered, dodging the bullet that would hit her again if she kept digging into the past. Derek was just watching her, leaning her head on the swing’s rope. “She’s not the little Amelia I used to read bed night storied anymore.”

Derek walked closer and asked “May I?” if he could sit down beside Addison on the swing. “Of course.” Addison smiled, scooting over to give Derek a space. “Thank you.” He sat down, then looked at the skies too. “I’m proud of her you know. She went through a lot, I wasn’t in the picture when she faced her dark side. But I’m glad you’re there for her Addison. I don’t think I was able to thank you enough.” Derek held Addison’s hand. “Thank you Addie.”

“She’s like my little sister too. It pains me to see her walking on fire.” She stiffened when Derek held her hand tighter. She wanted to pull her hand from her ex husband’s grip but at the same time, she just wanna stay at that moment, reminisce the what she had felt when they’re still together. Her heart was racing so fast, there’s a pain and happiness colliding inside of her, she wanted to explode her emotions in terms of crystal liquid that will fall down from her eyes.

Derek on the other hand, was keeping himself cool even tho he wanted to hug Addison so bad. He wanted to hold her the way he held her in his arms when they were still a happy married couple. He wanted to say— “Can I have this dance, Addison?” But that wasn’t what he wanted to say. “I promise, I will be man and not to do what I did to you two years ago.” Addison was afraid that Derek would tho. “I will hold you until the song stops.” Whatever and however Addison did to stop her feelings and not to give in, the soft spot for Derek in her heart won the war.

Wonderful Tonight. That was the song playing in the background. As if it was made for Addison. Made for Derek to compliment how beautiful and wonderful Addison looked that night. She was wearing a silver silk gown, with a plunging neckline, enough to show some details. A slit that ended up to the middle of Addison’s flawless thigh. Her hair was tied in a bun but there are some strands, curled in front to accentuate her beautiful face. She was wearing the most simplest makeup Derek had ever seen on her and “You’re beautiful. Really beautiful Addison.” Derek didn’t hold himself to voice out what’s in his mind. “Actually, you take my breath away.” He was looking straight to Addison’s green eyes while telling her those words. “Your eyes, I almost forgot how captivating they are.”

“Derek.” Addison stopped him. “You cannot do this. Don’t make me fall for your trap again and leave me hanging on a cliff with a thin thread.”

“I’m sorry.” Derek voice started to crack. He’s starting to tell Addison what he really meant to say earlier. “I’m sorry Addie. I was a coward. I should’ve believed you, when you told me you weren’t the one on the video with my best friend. I was  bastard, I hurt you so bad.”

“You’re right Derek. You hurt me so bad, you treated me like a stranger. I am still healing those wounds you left me.” Addison stepped back from the man who was pouring his heart out, apologising. “Do you know how painful it was for me to see you happy with Meredith? You told me we can work things out, but you worked things out with another woman.”

“Addison…” Derek tried to touch Addison but she was stepping back. “Please stay where you are Derek and listen to me because apparently, this is the only chance I’ve got to make you listen to me for once.” She was almost yelling her words. “I picked myself up when you threw me out of our apartment. I was soaking wet from the rain…” And by that time, the rain started pouring upon them. “…walking down the streets of Manhattan.”

Derek couldn’t imagine, couldn’t remember how badly he broke the woman he loves.

“You didn’t have any idea what I’ve been through. You didn’t know the beauty of staying under the rain because no one could ever see you crying.”

“I’m sorry. I am really sorry Addison. Give me a chance to fulfill my promise. I love you, I still do.” Derek walked closer to Addison. Both of their faces were wet, not because of the rain. “You didn’t deserve what I’ve done to you. If only I could turn back the time, I would. I’d take that chance to correct my mistake.” And then Addison’s voice echoed inside Derek’s head like “Apparently, we cannot correct the mistakes we’ve done. Let’s just learn from it.” When they were still in med school. “It’s breaking me inside to see you crying, please let me hold you, let me be your crying shoulder from now on—again.”

“I’m tired of hoping and wishing Derek. I made up my mind that you will never ever be mine again. So let’s stop pretending we still have a chance because you already ended us when you chose to love that woman.”

Derek penetrated the wall Addison built when she stepped back from him. He pulled her back into his arms, held her tighter as if he never held her before. “Give me a chance Addison. I will never ever gonna hurt you again. I will treat you like a man should treat a woman, I will send your favourite flowers, woo you everyday. I will continue writing a song for you. I will do everything you want me to do. Until you say yes and be mine again.”

The rain kept pouring and they didn’t mind if they’re already soaking wet. “The only thing I want you to do Derek, is to please stay away from me. I don’t want to feel the pain of our past again.”

“Don’t give up on us Addison. We are still Derek and Addison.”

The quilt of their story was rewriting their past and it was hurting them both.

“You gave up on us Derek. And as you said, we are not Derek and Addison anymore.”

“Addison…” She gave Derek a very tight hug…their one last hug. “I’ve already fallen, now I’m grown. You deserve someone who isn’t me. Because apparently, you don’t deserve me.” That made Derek feel millions of things he never felt before.

“Goodbye Derek.” Addison finally gave him her purest and brightest smile. The smile she gave him the day of their wedding. “Until we meet again.” That became a goodbye smile.

Chapter Text

Derek failed to get a chance from Addison. It could be a long way but he decided not to stop where Addison left him. Hell, he still loves that woman. He’d kneel towards the altar just to get the love of his life back. Yes, they had their fair shares, but he regretted everything he had done, hurting Addison and letting her go was his worst nightmare and it still haunts him every night. 

“You cannot go to Los Angeles, Derek. You have a Neuro department to lead here in Seattle.” Richard, the chief of surgery in former SGH now Grey’s Sloan Memorial Hospital sternly stopped Derek from executing his plan. “It’s just for a week Richard, after that, I’ll be back here.” Derek cried, pleading for Richard’s affirmation. “Let me fix my mistakes to get my happy old life back.” 

“You built a new life here in Seattle. What’s there to miss?”

“Addison. She’s the missing piece to complete my puzzle. The only one I need to be genuinely happy again.” Derek looked down the tiled floor, the longing pain to win back the love of his life was banging his heart like a gong. “Richard, please.” Dr. Webber saw the flowing pain in Shepherd’s eyes. He knew this man for a long time and he knew that Addison could bring back the old Derek Shepherd. So thinking, who am I to stop him? He let the poor man’s broken heart fly to Los Angeles that same day.

~

“Sam, hi.” Wide smiling Derek appeared on the other side of Sam Bennett’s door. With luggage on his feet, broken heart in his hands. “Welcome to LA Dr. Shepherd, where you can spy your ex-wife next door.” Sam pointed at the house next door, but it was dark and empty. “She’s out for drinks with the girls in the practice. She usually gets home around 11 to 11:30.” He explained, helping Derek carry his bags to his room, where of course with a nice view of Addison’s room. “Are you sure you don’t want to tell her you’re here?” 

“I want to surprise her.” Tho Derek knew Addison hates surprises. “Alright man, I will let you get rest I know you’re tired from the flight.” Derek nodded at Sam, thanking him before he closed the door to settle his things. He looked at her room, and the light suddenly illuminated. She’s home. Derek finally saw her again. She sat down the bed to remove her earrings and shoes. Then she unbuttoned her shirt, revealing her bust and Derek’s eyes widened when she removed her skirt, leaving herself in just her bra and knickers. Addison was literally facing him and she had no idea that her ex-husband was staring at her, intently. Wishing he was there with her, to touch her, kiss her and hug her once again.

Addison took the robe hanging at the back of her door, then went straight to her bathroom to take a shower before going to sleep. She was trying so hard to fall asleep, but that night made it hard for her to do so. So she called someone she can rely to. 

Half an hour later, someone entered her room and joined her on the bed, pulling her close to his warm, comforting body. That view angered Derek that he wanted to jump and pull the man off of Addison. His blood was boiling, he was clenching his fist, withdrawing his anger onto his palms instead, careful not to ruin his million dollar hands. “Who is he?! Is he the reason why she couldn’t give me a chance?” He tried so hard to cover the pain rushing into his system. Derek was hurting so bad, feeling what Addison might have felt when she was watching him dating Meredith, instead of focusing and giving her attention and affection that he needed from him. He should’ve believed his wife, instead of pushing her under the rain. Now he’s burning slowly as he watched her loving someone else, instead of him to forever. “Goodnight Addison.”

~

“Good morning neighbors.” Derek, Sam and Naomi heard Addison’s voice getting closer and closer. “Go hide behind the counter. Quick!’ Naomi pushed Derek to hide from Addison. She was in a good mood, smiling like there’s a sunshine on top of her head. “Oooh coffee. Is this mine? Thanks.” She took the cup—Derek’s cup of coffee and took a sip from it. Sam and Naomi looked at each other and smiled. “What?” Addison raised one of her eyebrows, still holding Derek’s cup of coffee near her lips. “Oh nothing. You’re happy. Someone made you happy?”

“Ask about the man who slept with her last night.” Derek whispered, so curious to know who the man he was wanting to punch so hard in the face last night. “Is that someone did you good last night?” That statement made Derek angrier. “No! Nothing happened. But that was Jake.”

“The Fiji guy?” Sam asked. “Whos the Fiji guy?” Derek asked again, that only Sam could hear. “Yeah. He’s just a good friend of mine.”

“Who happens to be single and available to sleep with you. Right.” Naomi teased, pissing Derek off, knowing he was already itchy to come out and ask the questions running in his head. “He’s just a friend who puts me to sleep. Nothing more than that.” Addison sipped on Derek’s coffee again, then stopped. She furrowed her eyebrows, tasting the coffee one more time. “What’s the matter Addie?” Naomi held her best friend’s hand. “I just remembered Derek. This coffee tastes like his mix.”

“Of course, it’s mine my love.” Derek happily whispered again. “It’s our favorite mix.” 

“Addison. Let me ask you a question.” The atmosphere had gotten serious. “Do you still love Derek? Are you still in love with him?” Addison sighed and put the cup down. “Maybe I just missed him, and it’s making me crazy. I don’t know, he’s Derek. My Derek.” 

“You’re dodging the question Addison.” Sam backed his wife up, cornering the redhead. “I do. I still love him. Even if he had torn me into millions of pieces, my heart still beats for him. That night, I was too afraid to give him the chance, even if I wanted so bad to give it to him. I never gave my dream up to build a family with him. I still want him to be the father of my kids. I want to grow old with him. I just—I will always want that, want him.” 

Derek heart’s melted hearing those words from the love of his life. And he couldn’t hide himself anymore. He finally showed himself and Addison was perplexed seeing him. “Do you really mean all that? And I see you drank all my coffee.” And that’s the queue for Naomi and Sam to excuse themselves so The Shepherds could talk once again. “I ahm…” Addison was stammering, “What are you doing here Derek?” He didn’t answer her, he just walked closer, until he’s just inches apart from the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. He lead her to the patio so they could talk privately.

“Addie, I came here to get you back. I wasn’t in peace after we separated that night. And if you still really love me, come away with me. Let’s start fresh.” Derek held Addison’s hand and brought it to his lips. “If you’re not ready to give me the chance yet, I will wait. I will wait for you even if it takes forever.”

“Derek I—” He pulled Addison closer to frame her body, with his. He put her head on his chest and just held her like that. He wanted her to feel his heartbeat. “You know last night I was watching you. I felt the way how you felt when I was with Meredith. It hurts, it hurts so bad that I wanna bleed myself to dry. I regret everything I’ve done to you Addie. Believe me. I’d be a better man for you. I’m not asking you for an instant forgiveness. Take your time, I’ll just be here waiting for you, until you’re ready to love me again.” Derek rested his lips on top of Addison’s head. “I only have a week here in LA. And I wanna spend every single time here with you. To prove you how much I still love you. That I also want to grow old with the same Addison I met in the summer. I want to continue writing songs for you and sing it to our kids to sleep.” That made Addison look at Derek straight into his glimmering ocean blue eyes. Those eyes where she lost herself to another world. 

“Make your stay here worth it then.” 

“As long as every moment is spend with you.”

“Do not tail me at the practice. I mean it Derek. You can go shopping, fishing at the pier, I know you’ll like it.” Addison winked. “Well, I’d rather sit in front of the beach waiting for you.” Derek leaned his forehead against Addison’s. “Can I ask you a favor tho?” Addison pursed her lips, trying so hard not to give in to Derek’s minty breath that was hitting her face. “Can I move in with you? Last night’s noise from the Bennetts made me jealous.” That made Addison laugh, which Derek missed so much. “Okay. You can transfer your things in my house while…” She slowly detached herself from Derek’s grip. “…I go to work.”

“Are we okay now then, Addie?” Derek’s voice was full of hopes and certainty. “As long as you behave yourself and cook, we are.” She smiled, running her fingers through Derek’s soft curls. He just stared at her with smile on his face. “You really are so beautiful Addison. I’m still in love with the lines on the side of your eyes when you smile, not to mention they even light up like the stars at night.”

“Alright. You’re keeping me late to work now. Bye Derek.” Addison left a soft kiss on Derek’s cheek, the way she used to back in New York. “See you later Addie.” 

~

Addison reached home with dim lights and rose petals scattered all over the floor, trailing a way to her patio where Derek was waiting for her, setting a romantic dinner for the both of them. “Welcome home stranger.” Derek was still wearing the smile Addison had given him this morning. He really was making a full effort to prove to Addison that he deserves a second chance. “Dinner is served.” He muttered, reaching Addison’s hand, guiding her to sit down. “Your favorite. Chateau Margaux.” He said as he’s pouring Addison a glass of red wine. “Thank you honey.” Derek’s heart skipped so fast when he heard Addison calling him honey. The happiness he was feeling at that moment was beyond real. Somehow, he thought, my effort is working. 

The pair’s dinner was full of laughter and reminiscing their happy memories together. Derek was laughing so hard when Addison made a sandwich pizza and said “I have never eaten a pizza for a long time now.” Then shoved it straight to her mouth.

They were watching the tossing of waves onto the shore, and shining of stars up the night skies, while cuddling together in one lounge chair. Addison’s head was resting on Derek’s toned chest, while Derek’s arms were wrapped around Addison’s body. No one was talking, just peacefully cuddling there, feeling each other’s presence. Until Derek felt Addison’s slow and deep breaths. He looked down at her and she’s already drifted off to sleep. So he carried her up to her room, and carefully tucked her to bed. Covering her with her warm blanket before kissing her temple and said “You really are the best part of me, Addie. I love you, I always do.” Derek was about to leave but he felt Addison’s grip on his hand. “Please stay. I don’t want to be alone.” She muttered with her eyes closed. He was battling if that’s her awake, or dreaming. But Derek still answered her. “Let me just take a quick shower, then I’ll join you after.” He slowly felt Addison’s grip loosened. 

Derek stayed in the shower a little bit longer. Thinking that Addison might have been calling her friends to put her to sleep because she didn’t wanna be alone. And he was blaming himself for making her feel like that. I am really an asshole. He finished showering, then he came back to join Addison in the bed. He wrapped his arm around her waist to pull her close to him. “I am so sorry Addie. I won’t stop apologizing until you completely forgive me. I know that you are afraid to be alone and I am the one to be blamed for making you feel like that for a long time.” Derek sniffled, and Addison heard it. “I know you won’t believe me, but Addison, I am here to stay. I won’t push you away nor leave you again. All I want for you tonight is to feel loved and safe under my arms. I want you to feel home again, with me.” Addison couldn’t help her tears to fall from her eyes as she was listening to Derek. It was like letting go of the heavy baggage she’s been carrying the whole time. “I love you Addison.” She felt his grip tightened around her. She finally felt home and safe again, under the comfort of the only man she loves.

“Goodnight Derek.”

Chapter Text

Empty bed, again. How many times did Addison wake up in an empty bed? Countless. She took a deep breath uttering. “It was always just a dream.” In that very beautiful morning, it wasn’t just a dream. Derek, her dearest Derek opened her bedroom door with a tray of waffles, strawberries and their favourite coffee mix. “Rise and shine honey.” Derek’s face was brighter than the LA sun and Addison was just admiring the view, and cherishing the time she’s gonna spend with him. “You were sleeping so peacefully when I woke up and I don’t wanna wake you up so I decided to make you breakfast instead.”

The ocean was peaceful that day, the tide was low and the waves were just tiny flows. It’s gonna be a great day. Addison told herself as she scooted over so Derek can have space as he put the tray of breakfast on the bed. “Good morning Derek. And thank you. But you don’t have to do this tho.”

“As long as you’re letting me live in your house, I’m gonna serve you, and love you.” Addison blushed and of course, Derek noticed it. He noticed every simple thing Addison does, it’s one of the perks of being married with that woman for 11 years—and Derek missed it. He missed the feeling of being married, waking up next to the love of his life, do household chores together, planning their future together. “You really glow in the morning, Addison.” Derek captured Addison’s chin with his fingers, then leaned down to kiss her forehead. He didn’t kiss her on the lips, not yet. Because he knew that Addison wasn’t ready for it. They’re both taking it slow. “No work today. Do you wanna go somewhere?” The redhead asked, biting the strawberry Derek offered her. “Where’d you get that? It’s so sweet.”

“From your fridge. You have a lot, and I happen to know that you eat less. So while I’m here, I wanna make sure that you eat right. You became thinner than the last time I saw you.” Derek offered a waffle… “Open your mouth Addie.” Addison just giggled, obeying him. “You know I’m not a baby.” Derek just shrugged his shoulders, taking a bite on his waffle too. “Say less my love, you’re not a baby but you are my baby and you deserve to be spoiled.”

Addison was just enjoying the treatment she missed when Derek was still her boyfriend. He really made sure that she’s eating right, that she’s healthy from the sleepless nights from all the stressful things from med school. She missed being Derek’s baby. “You forgot something, Derek.” Addison cocked her eyebrows, sipping on her coffee. Derek looked confused, checking the thing he forgot to bring. “Ah! Whipped cream. I’d go get it.” He jumped off the bed and rushed to get the whipped cream. Memories. A minute later, Derek came back panting. Addison was just laughing at the red face Derek. “You should see your face in the mirror.”

“I’d rather see myself in your eyes, Addie.” He put whipped cream on top of the waffles and strawberries. “Now breakfast is served my queen.”

“Do not spray the whipped—” Addison warned, but it’s too late. Derek was already spraying whipped cream right in his mouth. “Oops, too late my dear.” Derek mumbled causing to have smudge all over his face. “Babe, you’re making a mess.” Addison wiped off the whipped cream from Derek’s face with her fingers then sucked it off. To make less mess, Derek put the tray on the bedside table then started tickling Addison. Applying some cream on her face too.  She couldn’t help but laugh so hard, pulling the covers so Derek won’t put more. “I’m not gonna come out until I’m sure that you won’t put some cream on my face anymore.”

“I’m clean Addison. Come on.” So Addison peeped her eyes out to check if Derek was telling the truth. But the moment he saw her eyes, Derek pulled the covers off Addison’s face then hovered her. “You want more?” He teased, his face was so close to Addison’s. They were breathing the same air and at that moment, the both knew what’s gonna happen. “No please.” The redhead begged but still laughing. “Okay then. No more.” Derek agreed, but he just stayed there, looking straight at Addison’s face, full of whipped cream. “You have something here…” he leaned down, sucking off the cream from Addison’s forehead. Then he moved down to her cheeks, and lastly… “And here…” he captured her lips with his, kissing her softly and lightly like a feather. He felt Addison’s hand wrapped around his neck, and she started to deepen the kiss. But she backed off when she realised what they were doing. “We should uhm clean.” Before it went to something they both would regret.

“Yeah right. Let’s.” Derek immediately got off her, to bring the tray back to kitchen. He might have taken Addison aback from that kiss. But she kissed me back. “You can get ready now while I wash the dishes. You cooked, I’ll clean.” Addison tapped his back. Derek just looked at her with blank expression. “Look, Derek I’m sorry about the kiss. I—we just have to take it slow. Shall we?”

“Of course. I just wanna make sure if we’re still okay?”

“We are. Don’t worry about it. I just don’t wanna do something I would regret.” She forced a smile, reassuring that they’re okay. “Alright, kiss is good but no sex.” She proposed, then finally Derek’s face lit up again. “I could work with that.” Kiss and no sex. That’s fine. “All righty. Can I ask you a favour? Can you change the bedsheets? We don’t want ants crawling around, do we?”

“Yeah, we’re sweet enough.” Derek smirked stealing a quick kiss from Addison before dashing upstairs to do what he’s been told. Addison shook her head, couldn’t contain the smile on her face. “I’m genuinely happy, again.”

~

The sun was kind of high, but Addison didn’t mind as she and Derek were standing on the Sta. Monica Pier boardwalk, fishing. Well, she was just there, watching Derek peacefully. “Addie, come on. I’ll teach you.” Addison resisted but Derek handed her the rod. “It’s fun. Try it even just once.” Derek was aware that Addison never went fishing after her childhood incident with The Captain and her brother Archer. She fell off the yacht when she was pulling up the fish she caught, but ‘twas too heavy that she was pulled down the water. Addison looked at Derek with her are you sure look. “I’ll be right behind you. I’m not gonna let you fall off the water. Just tell me when it gets heavy then we will pull the fish up together.” Finally, Addison agreed, because she wanted to try it once again. And they were not on the yacht, she’s safe with Derek.

Moments later, Addison felt something bit the bait. So she called “Derek. Come quick.” She was pulling the rod up, and Derek assisted her. “Derek!” She squealed excitedly. She caught a fish! “Hold it right there. 1…2…3…pull!” They both pulled the fish right up and it was big. Addison shrieked and clung to Derek when the fish jumped near her. The man was just laughing at her, arms around her waist so she won’t go anywhere. “Alright. Let’s get this one and the rest home for lunch. We can invite the Bennetts.”

“Okay.” Addison looked at the fish in the bucket once again, before jumping right back up as the fish moved aggressively again. “I’m proud of you Addie.” Derek ruffled Addison’s hair, like he used to. “Treat me ice cream then please.” Addison smiled widely as she’s pulling up her puppy eyes to Derek. “As a reward? Why not? Let me just put the fishes in the jeep. Wait for me here.”

“Addison. Hi.” Someone called her name. Addison looked around and found Jake walking towards her. “Jake.” She smiled. “What are you doing here? I never thought you have a thing for fishing.” She never thought about it too. But after doing it with Derek, she’d probably do it again and again. “Well, it’s fun.”

“Wanna grab some lunch?” Jake proposed but— “We already have a plan. Thanks.” Derek answered him for Addison. Jake looked at Addison and then at Derek with who is this? Look. “Oh yeah uhm, Jake this is Derek. Derek, this is Jake.” Derek knew. He remembered his face when he saw him walking into Addison’s room that night. He remembered Addison telling his name to the Bennetts. So he snaked his arm around Addison’s waist, pulling her close to him. Possessive as usual. “The hus—.” He stopped himself. “Boyfriend.” And said that instead of saying husband. “Nice meeting you Derek.” The two shook hands and eventually, Jake found his way to escape from the awkward situation. “I smell jealousy.” Addison teased. “You still want that ice cream or not?”

“Chill baby.” She cupped his face and wiggled her nose against his. “I’m yours Derek.”

“You are?” Derek pulled her closer to his body. “I am. Now let’s go get some ice cream before I change my mind.” She intertwined their fingers together as they walked down to the ice cream stall. “One strawberry and one chocolate please.” And they got what they ordered. The two walked back to their jeep and decided to just finish the ice cream there, as Addison was sitting on the hood. “Derek. Can I taste yours?” Derek saw that Addison was almost done with hers, and he knew she just wanted to take his, so he eventually gave it to her. “No. I’m full, I just want a taste.” She stuck her tongue out and then licked the ice cream slowly. Derek felt chills up and down his spine whilst watching Addison lick his ice cream slowly. “Here you go. Thanks.” Derek recollected himself and he finished his ice cream before they went home.  

Sam and Derek were grilling the fishes while Naomi and Addison set the table. “So, how’s it going here in the Shepherds’ house?”

“Nae, I am still a Montgomery. And we’re taking it slow. We don’t wanna rush anything because if so, it’ll end badly.” Addison answered, still looking at her man. “Okay Ms. I couldn’t get my eyes off my man.” Naomi threw an olive to wake Addison up from her trance. “Hey stop it.” She couldn’t deny herself. The view she was seeing was absolutely heaven. Addison’s phone suddenly rang so she excused herself to answer it. 

“Richard?”

“Addison. I know you are busy with your own life there in LA. But I need your help. It’s Camille.” She remembered her. She’s Richard’s niece. “What happened Richard?”

“I’ll explain to you everything when you get here. Can you come here ASAP?” Addison knew it’s so urgent and important. So she booked the earliest flight to Seattle today.

“Derek can we talk?”

“Sure. What’s going on?”

“That was Richard. He’s asking me to fly to Seattle. It’s an emergency so I booked a flight this afternoon.” Derek put his hands on Addison’s shoulders. “I’m coming with you.” Derek suggested but Addison shook her head no. “You can stay here, jam with Sam or someone you know here. I’ll be back before you know it.”

“I’ll drive you to the airport.”

~

She’s back. Addison’s back. She took a deep breath before entering the hospital that had been part of her ups and downs. The atmosphere was quiet. It felt heavier and the pressure around the hospital was wrapping her head. “Welcome back Addison.” Miranda sadly smiled at her. It wasn’t the welcome she was looking forward, but she was expecting to. “Thanks Dr. Bailey. Where’s Richard?” Miranda lead Addison to Richard’s office. He looked so sad. “Addie…”

“Camille. You’re the only one I trust to remove her ovaries. The cancer is spreading and I don’t want my niece to die so young.” Addison heard the sadness on Richard’s tone.

“I’ll do my best.” And on that note, they prep the OR and Addison fulfilled her promise. The surgery went well and she somewhat prevented the spreading of cancer cells all over Camille’s body.  She just came out from scrubbing out when her phone chimed, receiving a text from Derek.

*I missed you already. I hope you’re well Addie. I love you.*

Addison couldn’t help but smile reading Derek’s message. Then Miranda nudged her. “How’s Derek?”

“Oh yeah. He’s uhm…he’s good. Enjoying his vacation by being the caretaker of my house.”

“So are you back together then?” Addison saw Meredith walking towards them, holding a chart. “Well Derek isback in my life. But we’re taking it slow Miranda. We’re enjoying what we have at the moment.” She knew Meredith heard it for she looked—glared at her. She also knew that Meredith and Derek era was so done. Well that’s according to Derek at least. “Don’t miss him so much. He only has 5 days left before he gets back here. And I’ll be gone before you guys know it.”

“And that’s up to me. Addison, a new case dropped off to my table. And you’re the best surgeon I know who can perform this surgery.” Richard tapped Addison’s shoulder. “So you better call Derek to get back in here because I know that man, he couldn’t live long enough without you by his side.”

Meredith heard all of those and it broke her heart. She’s still in love with Derek no matter how hard she tried to deny it. Her heart still aches for him. And hearing the conversation from the chief and Derek’s ex-wife and soon to be wife again…shattered her more.

“Richard, I have a practice in LA. I cannot just drop it off.”

“One case Addison, and you’re free.” But if she’s done here in Seattle, she has to go back to LA and Derek will stay in Seattle. There’s no way Richard could let go someone like Derek.

How are they gonna work their relationship out if they’re going to separate ways…again?

Chapter Text

Addison Montgomery is back…and she’s back with my McDreamy. Are they back together? Meredith was having a wild thoughts as the woman her McDreamy once loved is back. And he’s in LA living in Addison’s  house. Meredith’s heart was broken that it was making her hard to breathe. She couldn’t accept the fact that Derek went to LA to get his ex-wife back. Breathe your ass, Shepherd! You left me without warning now the news is spreading that you’re back with your ex wife?! Her mind wondered if it was started on Amelia’s wedding. Derek went home to her, late and cold. She tried asking but he didn’t budge to talk about it. He was always dodging that topic whenever Meredith opened it up.

“Do you still love me, Derek?” That was the dumbest question Meredith asked to Derek. She didn’t wanna know the question but at the same time she wanted to. “At least shell out a hint so I know whether to stay or go.”

“Meredith, if you still have some respect for me and for yourself, you should put an end on asking me questions you don’t ought me to answer.” Derek didn’t look at her. “I need to breathe.” And just slammed the door of his office before going to Richard’s to talk about—LA.

~

Phone call, that was the only channel of communication between the two hearts longing for each other. Exchanging of “I missed you.” Wasn’t enough to clinch the hankering of their souls to just jump into each other, loll peacefully together. “It’s still the same Derek.” Addison muttered, running her fingers on every side of Derek’s trailer. And yes, she decided to sleep in the trailer tonight since she still has the key, to somehow conceit the longing and missing she was feeling. “It hasn’t changed since you left, and because I was staying with—” Derek stopped himself from saying the woman’s name, knowing he would trounce Addison, but the queen of passive-aggressiva took it well, once again. “I get it Derek.” She flopped down the soft bed, remembering about the decent sex they shared together. The corner of her lips twitched up, “I could maybe sleep well tonight, knowing that I’ll be sleeping on your bed…” A bed full of white lies. But Addison didn’t mind. She was completely over it, and as Derek said, start fresh. “If only I was there with you I would wrap my arms around you, kiss you and—”

“Derek!” Addison objurgated him. “That’s enough. It’s already late and I’m tired.” Derek heard a yawn from the Seattle line. “If I was there with you, I’d give you a full body massage.” And Addison heard the desire on Derek’s smug smile from the LA line. “Why don’t you sing me to sleep then?” Addison didn’t hear a word for a minute. She might’ve thought Derek was already asleep, also was about to hang up but she finally heard a humming sound.

Made my mistake, let you down

And I can’t, I can’t hold on for too long

Ran my whole life in the ground

And I can’t, I can’t get up when you’re gone

Derek managed to made the rock song as a lullaby. He’s not just good in the OR, singing is also one of his many talents that I love about him. Addison purred to herself, continued listening to Derek’s lullaby.

And something’s breaking up

I feel like giving up

I won’t walk out until you know

Here I go

 Scream my lungs out

Try to get to you

You are my only one

I let go

There’s just no one who gets me like you do

You are my only one, my only one

Derek didn’t know, Addison was already drifting to sleep because of his cool voice. “Addie, are you still awake?” Addison shut her eyes open, but her lids were slowly falling. She was too sleepy but she’s keeping herself up. “I am.” But Derek heard her sleepy voice. “Alrighty. I won’t keep you up now. Goodnight Addie. I love you.” The redhead yawned so loud. “Goodnight Derek.” He was waiting for her to say back the three words he was waiting to hear from her, but the last thing he heard was a beep of the phone, indicating that Addison’s already fast asleep. “Sooner or later, I could finally hear those words from you again, Addison.”

~

The Montgomery Is Back news spread so fast in the entire hospital. Some must’ve been confused, other’s might be surprised and happy, but Meredith Grey felt betrayed and in pain. Specially that she’d be on Addison’s service today for the TTTS case. “Good morning Dr. Grey.” As usual, Addison showed her smile with her eyes and enthusiastic voice greeting everyone. Including Meredith herself. Tho she knew Derek and she hurt Addison back then. “Good morning Dr. Montgomery.” At least, she didn’t have to call her Dr. Montgomery-Shepherd. “We already had the same case back when I first came here. So I specifically asked Dr. Bailey to assign you on my service today because I know you did great the last time.” For fvck’s sake, how can she be this kind and calm after what we’ve done to her?! Derek was right, Addison is really the queen of passive-aggressiva. “Come on. Let’s kick this day off.”

In the cafeteria, Meredith and her friends were talking about Addison. While the redhead was also taking lunch with Dr. Torres and her wife, Dr. Robbins. “Wow you’re on her service today? Is she not being Satan to you?” Cristina asked, still looking at the redhead doctor. “She’s not. I mean, she’s still the same Addison, but happier and calmer.” Meredith answer them as general because she knew the rest would ask the same question. “Is that because she and McDreamy are back together? I heard that he’s living in her house in LA right now.” That lacerated Meredith’s heart. It’s true. But she just kept it to herself. “I thought you and Dr. Shepherd are still together?” Alex mumbled while eating his sandwich. “I honestly don’t know and I don’t wanna talk about him.” But I personally want to ask Addison if the rumor was true. “Let’s just eat lunch.”

On the other side of the world, Derek was with Sam, hanging at the practice. Shocked when he saw Jake, in his office. “That Fiji guy is working here?!” Derek asked, about to go out from Sam’s office to confront the guy. “Derek calm down. He’s new. Addison hired him, he’s a great doctor, and we don’t afford to lose someone like him.” Sam explained, but Derek’s clenching his fists again. He couldn’t remove the idea that some other guy was putting his wife—the guts he got there, to sleep. Thinking if he didn’t screw things up with Addison, he’s still be with her back in Seattle, hangout on the viewfinders, or even in the woods, hunting for wild animals, fishing on the lake, shopping and just lying on the bed all day.

Back in New York tho, when the snow began to fall, he would light up the fireplace, make her a hot chocolate drink, wrap a blanket around their shoulders, talk about how each other’s day went, until one thing would lead to another. He missed that, he missed every single memory he shared with Addison. He didn’t want those to be thrown away just like the way he threw her out of the rain. That was a nightmare he wanted to delete from both of his and Addison’s mind. We are starting fresh, I don’t wanna do something that can make her push me away.

“I’m looking for Dr. Addison Forbes—Montgomery.” A woman knocked on Sam’s open door. Derek wanted to answer the woman, “Shepherd. Addison Montgomery—Shepherd.” But he didn’t have the right to, because they’re no longer married. And he liked to correct that so much. So he said “She’s in Seattle. But I am her—” husband? Boyfriend? Neither. “I’m Derek Shepherd. I can be her substitute.” The woman with sharp eyes and firm standing looked at Derek from head to toe. Sam was just smirking, since Derek didn’t really know who he was taking to. But he backed up Derek by saying “Yes. He is Addison’s better half.” Derek just looked at Sam with wide eyes and a twitching smile.

~

“You did amazing back there Dr. Grey. Thank you.” Addison smiled at Meredith, it was actually irritating her because she didn’t know if it was just for a show or Addison was real. Maybe it’s the right time to… “Addison, can I ask you a question?” They’re in the lobby of the hospital and it was getting kind of late. Addison somewhat knew what the Grey girl would be asking her, but she stopped walking anyway and nodded, hinting Meredith to throw her question. Her heart was beating so fast, but she’s ready to answer the questions. Addison wasn’t holding back anymore, she’s ready to show everyone what she has. “Are you and Derek getting back together? Are you back together?” Meredith looked down once she dropped the question her chest was carrying since yesterday.

“Dr. Grey I—”

“Please answer me straight, Addison.” The begging voice irritated Addison too, for she was all professional to Meredith when she’s just calling her first name ever since she came back to Seattle, instead of calling her professionally. So… “Meredith. It is better to validate my answer if you finally see the—” Addison was interrupted by a familiar voice calling, no yelling her name.

“Addison!” It’s getting louder. “Addison Forbes–Montgomery!” She looked around and she saw no one tho. Until the loudest calling broke her eardrum. “Dr. Addison Montgomery–Shepherd!”

Meredith’s heart dropped and it shattered like a fragile glass. She familiarized that voice too, and she knew that she already validated Addison’s answer.

“Derek?!” Addison gasped, looking at the Neuro god, carrying a two-year old boy in his arms. It felt like the whole world stopped and everyone was watching a movie. Addison is back, Derek finally turned but with plus one.Who’s that kid? Addison rushed towards them, getting the boy from Derek’s arms. “Ma…” the little boy babbled excitedly, seeing his mother again.

Meredith was left standing at the center of the lobby, watching a family reunion.

“Do you have plans on telling me about him, Addie?” Derek ran his fingers through his hair. “I—” of course Addison didn’t want Derek to know things this way. “We should go home and let’s talk about this, please.”

“Ooh, Satan and McDremay have a McChild.” Cristina commented, standing beside the grieving Meredith. She was weak at that moment but she’s stuck watching the real Shepherds reunite. “I know you’re hurting Meredith. But don’t stand there, let’s go to our lockers to get our things and straight to Joe’s.” Cristina finally pulled Meredith away from the scene, to help her somehow ease the pain. No chance for me then.

~

“You should’ve told me about him, Addie.” Derek somehow raised his voice, not believing the situation right now. He’s just pacing back and forth while Addison was sitting on the bed, lulling the boy in her arms. “Derek calm down. Please.” She whispered since the little boy was slowly drifting off to sleep. “I was planning to tell you about it, but the panties in your tux–” Addison sighed, putting the boy on the bed since he was already fast asleep. “I left without telling you about my child. Because I was so broken that I didn’t want him to be involved into something that will question his existence. So I kept him away from you, because I knew there’s no chance for us to be together again. You were loving someone else and you were happy. So—”

“So you decided to fly to LA to raise our child alone? Our child Addie!” Addison flinched when Derek came closer to her to shake her shoulders. “I know. And please stop raising your voice.”

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry.” He locked her in his arms, “I am really sorry Addie you’ve gone through this alone. I should’ve been there. Now I missed two thanksgivings, two Christmases and two birthdays with him.”

“Derek.”

“Introduce me as his father. And I won’t miss any single second to be his father. Addison, let me prove it to you.” He suddenly knelt down, pulling a box from his pocket. “I am going to be a good husband and a father, if you’d let me.”

“Are you asking me to marry you because you knew you had a child with me? What happened to taking it slow Derek?”

“The truth is, I’ve been carrying this ring the whole time since I landed in LA. It's my mother’s heirloom ring. I was so stupid not to give this to you back then. But I know now, everything is right and is falling into places.” Derek took Addison’s left hand. “I am going to give you everything, treat you right, be the man you wanted me to be. I will be everything you need, Addison. So please marry me again?”

How romantic a Shepherd was, proposing inside his small trailer with a sleeping baby on their bed, and the only light they have was the moonlight.

“All I needed from you Derek, is to put our child above all else. Be a good example as he grows older. And if you could do that, then yes, I’ll marry you…again.”

Finally, Derek felt so right sliding the ring on Addison’s finger. He then stood up to plant a soft kiss on Addison’s lips. “I love you Addie.”

“I love you more Derek.” And finally, his heart exploded with fireworks of happiness when Addison said those words he’d been longing to hear.

“I want to put you on top of me but…” he looked at behind his fiancé and saw a peacefully sleeping baby. “Okay Derek, that’s not necessary at the moment.” Addison giggled, placing her lips against her fiancé once again. Their lips were made perfectly for each other. After exchanging romantic and sweet kisses, they decided to stay on the bed to stare at their sleeping child. “He has your curly dreamy hair you know. And your smirk.”

“And he has your brilliant green eyes and your nose. And he’s already talkative, I wonder where he got that.” Derek teased, Addison just rolled her eyes giggling. “He’s a beautiful boy Addie. He’s beautiful like the moon.”

And that’s where his name came from.

“Elfin Christof Montgomery–Shepherd.”