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Chapter Text

Not seeing anything on his left was... not that awful, really. Sometimes it brought dizziness, sometimes people would come up to him from his left and scare the shit out of him, but mainly it was not as bad as Zuko expected it to be.

Constant tiredness was worse. He woke up every morning already feeling exhausted. Almost a month has passed since the Agni Kai, he should have been ok by now. He should at least have the bandages off! But the stupid burn was healing so slowly. It angered him to no end. Why was his body betraying him like that! Father was right, he was just a pathetic weakling, a sad excuse for an heir.

That was no news though. Father was always right.

The Western Air Temple seemed abandoned. No signs of anyone setting foot here in a century. Empty.
Of course, it was empty. Like Zuko could ever get something from the first try. He didn't even hope anymore, really. He took as a rule to smother any hope that ever arose in him. Saved him from the pain of disappointment later. So far the rule was working, and as Zuko was wandering around the temple looking for Agni knows what, he didn't feel anything. Nothing but the crushing tiredness, that is.

- How about we take a break, Nephew?

Zuko turned around to look at Uncle. That was another thing that irritated him - he couldn't just turn his head as a normal person should, the bandages would get messed up each time. So he took to turning his whole body, like some kind of neckless creature. It felt stupid.

- I'm not tired. And we don't have time.

They already lost so much time waiting for his injury to close at least a bit, for his head to stop spinning every time he so much as stood up, for the tides to let them come close enough to the rocky shore that housed the Temple. He couldn't afford to wait any longer. They should look around and move on. There were three more temples in the world, and Zuko was planning on checking them all. And after that... After that, he will probably have more information to analyze and decide on the next steps. And no, that's not hoping. That's just thinking logically. Surely he will learn at least something checking the Temples?

Uncle Iroh frowned.
- You should take breaks, Prince Zuko. Your injury...

- My injury is almost healed. - Zuko snapped. - Uncle, if you are tired, you are welcome to rest. I don't need it and don't have the time.

Zuko turned on his heels and marched away, ignoring Uncle calling for him again.

The Temple was dusty and covered in wind-spider webs. And also in skeletons. So many skeletons. Some of them were dressed in old Fire Nation armor, others had remainings of yellow and orange material on them. He understood why no one took care of the Air Nomad bodies - there was probably no one left to do the rites. But why didn't his people take the bodies of the Fire Nation soldiers home when they left? They needed a proper funeral pyre. They deserved it serving their country, didn't they?

If he dies on his quest, will Father allow Uncle to bring his body home? Or will he just lie and rot like these soldiers, spirit chained to the world of the living until the very last bit of flesh falls off and the bones turn to dust on their own?..

Some skeletons were too small to be adults. Or even school children. Zuko tried hard not to think about it.

He also tried not to think about the fact that this place... Did not look militaristic. Zuko knew that the attack on the Air Nomads was preemptive, that they had gathered huge armies and were planning on conquering the Fire Nation, so the attack was more of a means to protect themselves. He knew that. But right now, standing in this empty temple filled with nothing but ghosts, he felt a strange unease. There were no weapons, no proper training rooms - only playrooms, bedrooms, peaceful images on the walls depicting monks meditating and airbending something with smiles on their faces. Zuko first thought that the airbending moves depicted were for fighting. But when he looked closer, he realized, all the sequences were too peaceful to be fighting moves. They looked more like dancing.

Zuko entered another room and stopped right at the entrance. It looked like a canteen - discarded tables and chairs lying everywhere in chaos, most burned or broken. And skeletons. Dozens of too small skeletons. Zuko felt nausea creeping up and covered his mouth with a hand. He would probably throw up if he'd eaten anything, but he didn't feel up to breakfast this morning. So his stomach just did some flips and settled back down. Zuko threaded the room carefully, trying not to step on anyone. They were dead for almost a century, sure, but they still were people. Zuko knew to respect the dead. Even if they were from an inferior nation.

In the middle of the room, he spotted an adult skeleton. It was sort of hugging three smaller ones - probably trying to shield them from the fire. The skeleton had some kind of necklace on them. Zuko decided to take a closer look. Carefully he came up to the dead monk (nun?) and leaned over them. The necklace looked like wood painted gold. It was round, with the symbols for Air carved in the middle of it, colorful glass beads all around the woolen orange thread. Pretty. Zuko reached out and ran his fingers lightly over the squiggles of the golden plate.

For a moment everything went black. Then the light returned, but gray and dimmed. Zuko looked around, alert.

He was standing in the middle of a forest.

Chapter Text

The forest felt endless. Zuko was treading carefully, checking every patch of grass before stepping on it. He still couldn’t grasp how he ended up in a forest. He was fairly sure he did not leave the Temple. If the floor has given in, he would end up just a story lower, in a similar large room. He has seen the lower level before - there weren’t even that many plants searching for a way through rock there, just some grass and salt ivy. Not a Koh-damned forest!

Another thing that was putting him on edge was the sun. Zuko could not feel it. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t even position which way the dim light was coming from.

And most terrifying of all, he couldn’t feel his inner fire.

Even in the first days after the Agni Kai, being only half-lucid, he still could feel it. The warm, calming, strong feeling deep inside his chest. His fire, his soul as a firebender. Sputtering and setting sparks all over his ribcage, but still there, still alive, still fighting. And now… there was nothing.

Not even cinders.

Maybe if he breathed harder, he could re-ignite it? Zuko still couldn’t bring himself to think about calling to a flame without a shudder wracking his whole body (which was weak and pathetic, but that’s just who he was now, wasn’t it?), but if the fire was inside and his, maybe it was worth a shot? It couldn’t break out of his ribcage and burn him, could it? The thought itself was terrifying.

The feeling of not having his inner fire anymore terrified Zuko way more.

He focused on his breathing.

There was none.

Zuko stopped dead in his tracks. Wait. Dim light. Strange forest. No sound. No sun. No bending. What else did the spirit tales say?

No feeling. Not physical, for sure. Zuko pinched his arm. Nothing. He tried harder. Nothing still. Zuko looked at his hand, lost in thought, and then bit it with all he had. He waited for the warm rush of blood to fill his mouth with that strange taste - iron and ocean water (a recipe for a painful rust problem, as he heard his shiny new crew talking). But the taste never came. Nor did pain or any other feeling. When he looked at the hand, he saw no bite mark. Nothing.

Oh Agni. Zuko was dead.

He was dead, and in Spirit World, and he disappointed Father. And probably Uncle too.

Oh, Agni, he disappointed Uncle.

Zuko thought about Uncle Iroh finding his lifeless body in that room full of skeletons. He probably died from a curse, so there should at least be no blood. Just a body lying peacefully, as if resting.

Spirits, he would like to rest. He would like that very much.

Maybe this was a good thing.

Zuko looked around with new eyes. The forest didn’t seem sketchy or dangerous anymore. Just calm. Quiet. Almost beautiful. And the light wasn’t dim or gray. It was soft. It wouldn’t even hurt his burned eye probably.

Oh, right. He was dead. There shouldn’t be any hurt anymore, ever.

The thought actually made him smile. That smile was a small thing, but it was there. Zuko was still sorry for embarrassing Father with his death, and probably upsetting Uncle, he was sorry. But the very thought of not hurting anymore, of the burn not weeping, not aching, of his head not spinning. Of never feeling any pain again. Of never having anyone hurt him again. It was so great. It made him smile wider.

Zuko took the bandages off, but no picture came to his left eye. The bandages evaporated from his hands. Zuko noticed a puddle in the distance and jogged towards it. Then got down on his knees and looked into the water. He had no reflection. Zuko’s smile tried to melt off of him, but he kept it stubbornly. There was a bright side. In case the burn looked horrible, he wouldn’t ever know. He reminded himself that he held no hope about the burn leaving an unnoticeable scar. No hope means no disappointment when the dream inevitably crushes. Fewer emotions - less pain.

There was no pain in the Spirit World.

Zuko’s chest was dead and unmoving, but he felt like he was breathing freely for the first time in years. He finally felt no fear.

Father couldn’t reach him here.

Wait. Where did that come from?

Zuko sat down near the puddle and scowled on his own legs. Why did he think that? He should be sad Father can’t get here, can’t get him out of here. He missed…
With a start Zuko realized that he can’t bring himself to finish that sentence. Even inside his own head. He wanted to be back home, he wanted everything to return to normal, but he... did not miss his father.

Did he even want to go home?

Of course, he did! He wanted his honor back, his birthright, his throne!

...Would the throne even ever be his? Would he even survive long enough, if he stayed in Caldera? Father almost killed him. The healer said, Zuko should’ve been dead. The healer said it was a miracle of spirits he was still breathing.

Well, now he wasn’t. And now it wasn’t important anymore. He deserved what Father did. Because Father is always right. And Father didn't want to do this. He didn’t. He loves Zuko. He just wants Zuko to grow up into the best version of himself, the strongest version, a worthy heir. It probably pained him to do it.

Zuko can’t get the image of his father’s smirk out of his head. The smirk he saw on his father’s face that day. The last thing his left eye saw.

That doesn’t matter. Zuko sometimes wants to smile when he’s nervous. Maybe Father’s the same. That was involuntary.

He meant it.

He did not and would not mean it, ever. Father loves Zuko. He has to. Because Father is always right. And if he doesn’t love Zuko, that would mean… That would mean that Zuko is...

It doesn’t matter. Father loves Zuko. Or loved, at least. All Zuko has to do is complete this quest and return to him. And not be dead. Then Father will acknowledge him and love him again, and Zuko will be his heir again. And it won’t matter that Father spends time only with Azula, that he talks to Zuko only once or twice a month, or during a punishment. It won’t matter, because Zuko would still be closer to him as his heir, as close as Azula could never be because she is the second-born. And everyone knows that that’s different. She can be a prodigy all she wants, Zuko will still be closer than she ever could.

He just needed to find the Avatar. And not be dead.

What if he isn’t dead? And the spirits just decided to help him on his quest? So they let him into the spirit world so he could find the Avatar!

Why would the spirits do that? Aren’t they supposed to be on the Avatar’s side?

Maybe they aren’t. Maybe they are tired of him doing nothing for a hundred years, and so they decided to snitch on him a bit! Zuko couldn’t help but giggle at that. Spirits snitching on the Avatar. Agni, that would be hilarious. Just how lousy of an Avatar must one be, that the spirits would conspire to bring a hunter at your door?
Either way, he’s not going to find out anything while sitting near a puddle. Zuko stood up and continued walking.

The spirit forest was beautiful, now that Zuko paid attention. The trees were tall, bark a violetish brown, pretty vibrant in the soft light. Zuko reached out and touched a trunk. He felt it slightly vibrate and jerked away at the feeling. Then hesitantly tried again. Yep, vibrating. Humming. Like a lightning bolt hums overflowing with energy. It seems, as a spirit, Zuko now could feel energies. That was a captivating concept.

Zuko looked around. Then, having seen no prying eyes, nodded to himself. And embraced the tree.

Ok, now he felt stupid. The tree was too large for him to embrace properly, so he was sort of plastered on it, face to rough bark. Not that he could feel said bark, obviously. But he was probably a sight. Zuko exhaled and stubbornly stayed in place. He wanted to hear more of this energy humming. He closed his eyes and focused. There it is. The white-hot energy, racing through the trunk up and down like blood. Fascinating.

He listened (looked at?) the energies some more, then let go of the tree with a final content sigh. Zuko felt a strange comfort making itself home in his body. A strange sense of calm. He hasn’t felt this calm ever since mom was around.

If mom is dead, will he meet her here, in the Spirit World?

A bright blue light glimmered in the distance. Zuko froze, like a pointing hunting dog. Every scroll on Avatars he read mentioned that the Avatar state was accompanied by a bright bluish flare. Could that be?..

Avatar! - Zuko whispered and raced towards the light.

He was there in a matter of minutes. But the blue light turned out to be blue fire. Just like Azula’s. The clearing was completely engulfed by those flames, and Zuko flinched violently. He wasn’t ready for this. He wasn’t ready for this much flame. Even if the Avatar was somewhere near, Zuko just… He couldn’t. There was no way he could.
Was it possible to get burned in the Spirit World?

There was no pain here, right?

Zuko tentatively reached out. There was no heat coming from the meadow. At least, he registered none. He proceeded with cautious small steps. Fear filled him to the brim, threatening to spill over. His hands started shaking. That was strange. Zuko thought there were no physical effects in the Spirit World. So fear was an exeption, huh?

Seems appropriate.

In the middle of the flames, he saw a dark tall figure. Was that the Avatar? Hope - no, desire to check! - gave him strength, and Zuko rushed forward. The flames between himself and the dark figure were getting less and less, and finally, he could see them.

That… That was no Avatar.

The figure turned to face him. It was a manlike creature with grayish skin, almost transparent, its body too thin, four lanky arms and three long legs, a pair of knees on each. Behind it Zuko noted three pairs of wings, growing from its back, and another pair grew right from the head, at the temples. Its eyes were a watery gray with horizontal pupils, like a goat-cow’s. Its mouth was opened in a silent shout, face twisted with either pain or rage - or both.

The flames were eating on the creature.

Zuko took a step back but then froze, not able to take his eyes off the creature burning alive before him. The creature locked eyes with him. And then, in less than a second, it was right before him. You could say, it moved in a blink of an eye - but Zuko did not blink. The thing was standing in the middle of the meadow, and then it was here.

The creature reached out with one of its clawed long hands and clasped his shoulder. Suddenly - there was sound.

A waterfall of sounds crushed Zuko. He got used so quickly to the absolute quiet of this place. Now he heard everything. The waul of fire, the horrifying scream of the creature, the sounds of other creatures that must have been around them - hoots, chirps, chitters, cries and shouts, and whispers. The whole cacophony was crushing. But the worst was the bloodcurdling howl of the lanky creature before him. Unable to take it anymore, Zuko screamed.

The creature stopped. Zuko shut up too, still looking at it with wide terrified eyes. The creature smiled, showing three rows of perfectly white pointy teeth.

- Oh, you have a nice little voice, don’t you, little spark?

Zuko swallowed but otherwise kept quiet.

- My people had a nice voice too. They liked to use it. They sang a lot, and talked, and laughed. It was always so loud at the Temples!

Oh, fuck. Was this an Air nomad’s spirit? What happened to it?

- And then your people came. - the Spirit continued. - And killed mine. All of them. Even the children.

Suddenly, all four of his hands were on Zuko, claws digging into his skin. Zuko thought, detached, that it was strange - he shouldn’t feel anything in the Spirit World, should he? There was no pain here, right?

- You took all of them. My people. My children. All of my hope. So now I’ll take yours.

One of his hands let go of Zuko for a second. And then it dug into his chest, blood spilling everywhere. Zuko screamed. He felt the clawed hand grasp his still heart.

There was so much pain in the Spirit World.

- Let’s see. Oh, found one. A hope that your mother is still alive? How cute. - the Spirit sneered. - I don’t have that one anymore, all of my people are dead. I will be taking this.

The Spirit tugged on something inside Zuko’s chest and then ripped it out. Zuko’s voice gave out. His whole body went stiff, pain shooting through like trapped lightning.

Was mother… really dead?

She was. Of course, she was. Mom would’ve never left them.

Father killed her.

Zuko will never see his mother again.

He should have searched harder for any bothered ground in the gardens. They couldn’t have burned her to ashes, there would be the smell. You can’t get rid of the smell this fast, not if it was a fully grown person. There would be the smell, Zuko knows, so if there was none, it means they have buried her. There should have been fresh ground. He should have found her, he should have searched harder!..

Zuko will never see his mother.

The hole in his chest hurt so bad. Father’s fire couldn’t dare to compare to this. Zuko felt tears stream down his face.

- Oh, are we crying already? Why? We just got started! - the Spirit laughed. - We have so much to do, little flame! You will pay for what your people did. You will pay for it all!

Zuko tried to blink off the tears and focused on the Spirit. In its hand covered in Zuko’s blood was a small ball of light. It glinted so pretty. Zuko felt warm just looking at it. Was this sunbeam living in his chest?

The hand crushed it. Zuko flinched.

- Ok, let’s dig deeper! What’s that? - Zuko shut his eyes to not see the hand coming for him again. Agni, please, make it stop. - Oh, I’ll take this one! Hoping for your daddy to love you, how sweet. You are still a child, aren’t you, little flame?

Zuko didn’t have time to feel embarrassed. He felt the same tug, and then the world exploded into a sea of pain again. When the scream died down, Zuko heard the Spirit laugh. His ears were ringing, head too light, vision swimming. It was too much.

His father will never love or want him. This was never going to happen. Avatar or no Avatar. Whatever Zuko did, he was just not good enough. He never will be enough, for anyone. There was no hope.

Tears felt like fire on his face. Zuko saw the torches lighting the Agni Kai arena flinch and stutter from his screams. Father’s strong hands were gripping him - one on the back of his head, one covering his left eye, alight. Zuko screamed again and trashed hard, but the hands were unyielding, the flame steady. Father was smiling, his eyes happy, slightly squinting from the light of his fire. It was the first time Zuko ever saw Father happy, let alone with that happiness being directed towards him. Would it make Father even happier if Zuko let him set all of himself on fire?

The only joy he can bring his father is with dying covered in flame.

Zuko stopped trashing and went limp, tears still running down. What was even the point. Why would he even try?

There was no love in the world. No matter how much he wanted it.

Needy. Weak. Pathetic.

Couldn’t even protect mom.

Could never be even passable for Father.

A heavy burden on Uncle.

Never smart enough to help his sister.

Now he was dead. Was his afterlife just being tortured by this strange Air Nomad spirit?

Not like he didn’t deserve it.

The Spirit snarled at him and crushed the little blob of light in its hand, making the claws meet with a satisfying clack.

- What else is there? Will it all be about your little murderous family? Is there any not-boring stuff?

Wow. Just how pathetic was he, that the spirit torturing him found his suffering boring. That was a new low. But Zuko couldn’t bring himself to fight. He had no strength anymore. Too bad he couldn’t wait for the sweet release of death either, since this was his afterlife. He had nothing to hope for.

- And once again, the family stuff. Hoping that your little sister did not turn into a monster yet, and you can still save her. Ugh. Boring!

The Spirit clicked its tongue in disappointment, but still ripped the blob of hope out of Zuko’s chest. He couldn’t cry anymore. Just whimpered quietly, taking in the pain. The spirit’s face was distorting before his tired eyes, his words nothing but odd gibberish. Nothing made sense anymore. Pain was the only understandable thing. Pain was a stable presence, familiar, calming. It took Zuko in, and he lied on its waves as they were rocking him tenderly. How did he ever make himself believe that there was a place in any of the worlds where he would be safe from hurt? Pain would always be there. He was never alone.

Something ripped him out of the Spirit’s claws, pulling him out of his thoughts in the process. An even taller and thinner being with a celestial glow around it, four arms and three legs but eleven wings behind its back, three wings on its temples, feathers covering the bluish face, bright white eyes alight. It looked enraged, Zuko registered. It grabbed him from the other spirit and was now holding him close to its stomach, covering him with three arms almost protectively. The one free arm was outstretched, trying to pry something out of the other creature’s fingers. Both spirits were screaming something at each other, but Zuko couldn’t make out a thing. He tried listening harder.

- You have no right to such behavior, Qsiliu!
- He killed them!
- He did not kill one soul! He wasn’t alive then!
- I don’t care! His people killed mine! My people are dead! They won’t sing to me, they won’t dance with me! The children won’t ever play with me! They are all dead!
- I know! They were my people too if you have forgotten!

The first spirit looked torn. It was still mad and still wanted to hurt Zuko. But it also seemed embarrassed by what the new spirit was saying.

- I did not forget, Heufeun.
- Good.

The first spirit was subdued now. The new one took whatever was so important that it was ready to fight their own for it.
It was now holding a small ball of light in its hand, same as the two that the other spirit shuttered before. The new spirit looked down at Zuko and smiled. The view was terrifying.

- Sorry, little one. It will hurt a bit, but it will be better afterward.

Zuko nodded hesitantly. He felt that he didn’t have a choice really. The spirit still smiling grasped the little light tighter in his fist and showed it right into the bloodied hole Zuko now had for a chest. Tears burst from his eyes, where he thought there was nothing left, a new raw scream rising from his torn throat. The light was burning him from the inside.

He saw Azula, small and cute, messy bangs over her eyes. Smiling at him. Not smirking, trying to copy their father, but smiling, as a kid should. So open. Playful. Happy. She was something around four then, neither of them started bending yet. She ran up to Zuko and hugged him.

Zuko blinked, and Azula was nowhere to be seen. Just the burning meadow, him and two wicked spirits.

- It’s alright. You should have that one. I’m sure it’s worth having. - whispered the new spirit and cuddled him closer.

Zuko broke down crying. He clutched the spirit’s ethereal robe, sobs and hiccups wreaking his body, the other arm trying to cover the hole in his chest. Spirit’s hands continued to cradle him. He felt the spirit’s head rise.

- Qsiliu, we will be leaving now. But I will talk with you later about what happened here.

Zuko risked a glimpse out of his hiding spot. The first spirit clenched its jaw but nodded nonetheless. Strangely enough, Zuko did not feel vindicated. He hid his face back in the other spirit’s floaty robe.

When he decided to peak out again, there was no fire. It was a different meadow now - much prettier and with better lighting. Some of the trees had big violet and yellow flowers on their branches. The others had blue leaves. The smell was great.

His head was still swimming, but his chest hurt a bit less.

The spirit put Zuko down and wiped off his tears. Zuko struggled a bit to find balance. Then looked at the face of his supposed savior.

- Hello, little flame. - the Spirit said. - Sorry about that. My name is Heufeun. I am one of the Wind Spirits. May I know yours?
- Zuko. - he answered hesitantly. - Prince Zuko, son of Ursa and Firelord Ozai, brother to Princess Azula.
- Oh, is that so.

Chapter Text

“Oh, is that so?”

Zuko looked up at the spirit, no, Heufeun. It was difficult to read their emotion, what with the light-filled white eyes and short fangs sticking out of their mouth. He still felt like something has changed. And not for the better, no. Zuko was never that lucky.
Zuko tried to gently squirm out of the spirit's hold, but Heufeun only tightened their arms around him.

“Don't be scared, little flame Zuko. You were born to the people that massacred my people, but that's not your fault. You were born to the blood of the person that ordered said massacre - but should I really blame you for that?”

Zuko kept quiet.
Heufeun held the pause as if contemplating something.

“No. Blood is powerful, but you don't get to choose it, do you, little mortal? No"

Zuko softly let out a breath, even though he didn't need to breathe here. Thank Agni. This one seemed to not want to hurt him.

“You are not to blame for any of it.” - Heufeun said and cupped Zuko's face gently. Zuko felt terror rising inside him. This could not be good. “But you will atone for it. Because we don't have anyone else to do it.”

“No. No, please, no! No, no, no.” - Zuko's whispers grew into shouts as he tried to escape the hold once more and found it impossible. “Please, no!”

“Sh-sh-sh. Worry not, Zu-ko!” - Heufeun tried shushing him. "It will not be painful. I will give you a gift"

“Thank you, respected Spirit Heufeun, but your generosity is too much.” - Zuko remembered the template phrase from the spirit-tales. But then cracked and added softly: “Please don't.”

Gifts from spirits never ended well. They always had a catch to them. There wasn't a single spirit story, that would end well for the hero if he ever accepted a spirit's gift.

“Please don't!”

“Worry not.”

Heufeun's hold has grown so tight, that if Zuko still had his bones, he would probably have a crushed ribcage by now. He couldn't move anymore. The terror rose so high inside him, he couldn't even reserve to tears again. He just looked at Heufeun with his one working eye. And with whatever was now in place of the other one.

Heufeun seemed to hear his thoughts. They stretched their bluish pale arm and put their hand right over Zuko's left eye. Exactly the place where Father's hand landed mere weeks ago.
Zuko shrieked.

Heufeun completely ignored it. It was as if they didn't even hear it.

“Oh, this doesn't work anymore. How sad. I will set my gift here then. I am giving you the power to see and hear all the spirits. They will ask you for help, and you will help them. This is how you will atone for what you did. Or rather, what your people did, of course.”

He will... See spirits? Zuko froze mid-cry. Only the strongest Fire Sages could do that, and they were all old and powerful. They spent decades getting to that point. And Zuko is going to be able to do that - right now? Just like that?

Maybe Father would want him now?

No, he wouldn't. He never would. Nothing could change that. Nothing Zuko did or was able to do would make him enough. There is no hope.

Heufeun's hand disappeared from Zuko's face. The spirit smiled at him, showing off lines of sharp teeth. Then kissed him right in his left eye. And then - the left ear or whatever was left of it. Zuko felt their fangs cut up his skin.
Heufeun finally let him down, and Zuko's hand immediately shot up to his face. Two short scratches ran down from his unseeing eye like tear stains, and one - from the disfigured ear, like a drop of blood. Zuko shivered.

“See anything new?” - Heufeun asked.

Zuko closed his good eye. And he saw.

The Spirit World looked different.

The colors were even brighter now, vivid greens and violets and yellows everywhere, white so sparkling it almost hurt his new eye. And spirits. So many spirits! Ones that looked human-like, animal-like, plant-like, ones that seemed to be made entirely of light or darkness, ones that looked like nothing he ever saw before. All of them were walking around, standing, crawling, flying, hopping, slithering, hanging off branches.

The Spirit World was alive.

“Enough for one time.” - Heufeun suddenly said. Zuko opened both eyes and looked at them. He was half waiting to see double, but it seemed like his right eye overrode the picture from his left. He still heard the voices of the spirits around but didn't see them.

“Go that way. Do not look back, whatever you hear or see. And you will return to your world in no time.”

Zuko nodded. Then hesitated a bit, but in the end though it was only safe to be respectful. So he bowed. Heufeun smiled at him.
Zuko knew better than to believe a smile now. He turned in the direction the spirit indicated and ran.

He ran with all he had, ignoring anything around, any sounds, voices, hands outstretched towards him. Suddenly, there was no forest around him. Zuko was in the Temple again, in the same room, lying near the skeleton, still touching the necklace. His left eye was covered with bandages, his face hurt.

Uncle Iroh was weeping over him.

Why was Uncle weeping?

“…couldn’t help you then, couldn’t help you now. Why did the spirits even leave me to be! Zuko, my poor Zuko… I did nothing but let you down, I’m so sorry!”

Oh.

Zuko tried to get up, but his body felt so heavy. He groaned a bit. Uncle stopped crying and looked at him with wide eyes.

“Zu… Zuko?!”

“Hello, Uncle. I’m sorry I made you worry. I’m back.” – Zuko said, voice so raspy and dry he barely recognized it himself.

Uncle crushed him in a hug, and Zuko couldn’t stop himself from flinching. Uncle immediately backed down with a sorry frown.
Zuko almost regretted it. That hug almost felt nice.
But the memory of the spirit’s hold on him was too vivid.

“I’m so sorry, Zuko. I’m so sorry! I thought you have… Never mind. How are you feeling? What happened?”

Zuko bit his lip. How was he supposed to explain all that?
Well, he never was any good at lying. So maybe the truth was worth a shot.

“I went into the Spirit World.”

Uncle gaped at him.

“You-you-you what?”

Zuko sighed heavily. He was exhausted to the point of passing out. He really didn’t want to pass out among skeletons though.
He wanted home.
He wanted to return to the ship.

“Spirit World. A spirit gave me a gift. They said I will be able to see other spirits now, like a Fire Sage. I didn’t find the Avatar there though. Can we get back to the ship now?”

Uncle Iroh nodded, stunned.

“Of course, Prince Zuko.”

Uncle looked away for a moment, and Zuko snatched the skeleton’s necklace and hid it under his shirt. If asked, he wouldn't be able to explain why he did. It felt wrong, to steal from the dead.
But it felt... a right kind of wrong.

Uncle helped him up. Zuko felt his knees almost buckle, but he caught himself, hand a sharp grip on his Uncle’s shoulder. Uncle looked at him strangely but said nothing. Good. Zuko looked around, the world so dull and flat after everything he saw.

He liked his world better anyway.

The necklace under his shirt felt too warm.

Zuko kept his hand on Uncle’s shoulder all the way to the ship. The road back wasn’t easy, but nothing ever was. So he just gritted his teeth and made the best time he could.
The sun was setting when they reached the ship. Zuko promised Uncle he would come down for dinner later, and shut himself in his room. He fell asleep the second his head touched the pillow.

*

Zuko didn’t come out for dinner. Probably was too tired. Iroh decided not to check on him as to not wake the child up. Better let him sleep as much as his body needs. And maybe he will have a better appetite during breakfast tomorrow.
Iroh ate his dinner deep in his thoughts. He couldn’t quite understand, why would the spirits want his nephew. Why did they summon him? Why did they give him a gift? Iroh himself spent months in travels and meditations to get a chance to see the Spirit World. He made sacrifices, gave up so many core beliefs, had his whole worldview change – only then was he allowed in. Zuko was just a hurt child, in pain, angry and sad. Why would they let him in? What value did Zuko have for them?

Iroh was sure, of course, that Zuko had his own value as a human being. As every other person did. And Iroh loved his nephew with his whole heart. Zuko had so much potential. If given rest from the cruel winds that tried to snuff him out back at the palace, he could become such a bright fire. Iroh had great hopes for Zuko, but the spirits? What did they see in the boy, that Iroh didn’t?

He was worried. But also… Intrigued.

Dawn colored the skies, and Iroh knocked on Zuko’s door, too eager to ask him all of the questions he came up with during the night. After all, Zuko always woke up at dawn. So there was nothing wrong with wanting to talk to him a bit early, was there?

“Yes?” – he heard his nephew answer, voice still a bit sleepy. Odd.

“Prince Zuko, good morning! Could I hope to interest you in an early tea with your old uncle?”

There was silence. That was even odder. Usually, there was either a shouting fit or a subdued “sure”. More often than not – the first one and then the second, without any real input from Iroh’s side. He never spoke against it though. The boy was angry, and he had all reasons to be. He was betrayed by the person who should have cared for him. He was hurt. He needed a way to get all that pain out of him.

If shouting at Iroh helped – Iroh would happily stand there and take it.

Truth be told, it helped him too. Made his guilt back down at least a bit. No matter how many times Iroh told himself that he couldn’t do anything about the Koh damned Agni Kai, his heart still tortured him. Nightmares about his nephew being set on fire came to him now and again. Some nights he woke up with tears on his face, breathing hard like he just ran a mile or two. Some night he just woke up and lied in the dark, mind blank. He would tell himself it was just a dream and would try to get back to sleep.

Some night he woke up and heard Zuko weep. His room was next to Iroh’s, and sound traveled easily inside a metal ship. His nephew cried silently though. Iroh could only hear the shuddering breathes and the rare quiet sobs. He was a guarded kid. Iroh didn’t like how guarded his nephew was.

“Prince Zuko?”

The silence was too long. Iroh began to worry.
He was half ready to tear the door down when Zuko finally answered.

“I would like to stay in today, Uncle. I have some things… I need to consider”

“Well, can’t you consider them over some tea and breakfast?”

The door was silent for some time again. Then finally –

“No. I’m sorry”

His nephew apologized a lot, too. Iroh didn’t like that either.

“No need to apologize, Prince Zuko. You have the right to not want to go somewhere or sit with someone. I will send someone with the breakfast”

Iroh left. If Zuko needed some space, Iroh could respect that. He remembered how he couldn’t talk to people for some time either after his own journey to the Spirit World. When he returned, he couldn’t even answer his friends if everything went well. He sat in silence for hours. He also needed to make peace with the fact, that he did not get to see his son again. But that was not the point.
Zuko answered him as soon as he came to. Iroh was so scared he had lost the boy, as he found no pulse when he got to him. But Zuko took a breath, opened his eyes, and talked to him. He probably had a stronger spirit than Iroh did, to appear so collected after such an experience. Iroh felt pride thinking about it. His nephew was brave and strong, and if he needed a day alone to adjust to this new worldview he acquired, Iroh could give him the time.

So he sent a crewman with the breakfast, and later – with lunch and dinner. And later with breakfast again. And then – lunch again. And then...

Iroh was getting worried. Zuko did not come out for three days.
He thought about bringing the door down, but Zuko did answer him every time. He talked politely, explaining he needed another day, asking Iroh not to worry. He seemed fine, just sad. Iroh didn’t like it one bit, but he could respect it.

Until he heard two crewmen joke between themselves about the Prince starving himself to death and the meaningless quest being over even sooner than they bet.

“Gentlemen” – Iroh said, as he rounded the corner, facing the crewmen. “Could you explain what you just said?”

Both men gulped in perfect synch. It would be funny if Iroh wasn’t worried to the point of panic.

“General Iroh, sir! We-we were just joking a bit. We both deeply apologize, of course, it is an honor to serve…”

“I did not ask about that. I asked about my nephew. Has he stopped eating the meals you are bringing him in his cabin?”

The men gave shared a look.

“Uhm… General Iroh… The thing is…”

“We leave them at the door, knock and announce, and then we come back with the next one – and the former is still there, missing only water. He never ate even one of his meals, sir”

Iroh felt the fire inside him burn so hard it almost scared him. His voice remained calm. He wasn’t sure about his eyes though.

“And you did not tell me that?”

“Deepest apologies, sir!"

"We didn’t think to notify you...”

They were starving his nephew. For almost four days. He was an idiot. He never even checked.
A cruel old idiot.
Iroh looked at them, every inch the Dragon he once was. The men, seasoned sailors, shivered.
Iroh turned around and ran to his nephew’s cabin.

“Prince Zuko!” – he knocked on the door hard. Through his own ragged breathing, he barely heard the motion behind the door.

“Uncle?”

The voice was soft, muffled through the metal. And so small. So, so small.

“Prince Zuko, please open the door. You have not been eating. I’m so sorry I did not notice before, I just found out. Please open the door. Let me in” – Iroh pleaded.

There was silence.

“I’m sorry, Uncle. I didn’t mean to worry you”

Oh, with those apologies again!

“Open the door, please! Zuko!!”

Panic was choking him, and Iroh forgot the honorifics. Strangely, that was the thing that worked – the door opened.
Zuko looked horrible. Hollow tearstained cheeks, dark circle around his eye, skin so pale and thin it looked like it would break from a single touch. Iroh wanted to hug him, to keep him close to his heart. But he remembered how hard the child flinched the last time he threw his arms around him – and decided against that. The last thing Zuko needed right now was more stress.
Iroh looked at him and wanted to cry. He thought his nephew was so strong, he took the Spirit World in a stride. What a fool. Zuko was still a child, he has only just turned thirteen a few months ago. Full-grown adults lost their minds after a single brush with a spirit, and he thought a kid would be fine after such an experience?
What an old fool.

“Are you disappointed in me?”

Iroh felt his heart drown in pain.

“No, no, Prince Zuko, of course, not! Why would you say that?”

Zuko looked at him with his single eye, hollow. Iroh suddenly felt sick.

“You will. I can never be enough for anyone, can I” – it didn’t sound like a question.

Iroh felt his hands tremble slightly. He did not know what to say here. He had so many proverbs ready at hand but felt that trying to diffuse this with some cryptic wisdom would end poorly. Zuko didn’t seem to enjoy his proverbs even in a calm state of mind. Being in such distress…
Iroh needed to say something. Anything.

Agni, what did the spirits do to him?

“You are more than enough, Prince Zuko. For me, and for anyone” – Iroh said with all the confidence he could muster.

“Not for Father”

Oh. Well, thank you so much for putting me in this situation, brother. Should I try to cover for you? Not for your sake, of course. For his. Should I try to protect his love towards you? It feels like it was the only thing keeping him from crumbling down before.

“For him too, Prince Zuko”

Zuko looked straight at him again. There was so much raw pain this time. Iroh said the wrong thing.

“You know this is not true! Why are you saying it?”

Iroh moved his lips, but couldn’t think of a single word to say.

“He never wanted me and he never will. I was a tool not good enough for him, and now I am broken on top of that. Who would ever want this? Mother might have, but she is dead.” – Zuko was shaking slightly, but his gaze was firmly fixated on Iroh. “You might be here now, and for the life of me I do not understand why. I can’t see anything you would gain from it. So if you are waiting for anything, I recommend you give up now. I’m worthless, and I’m only going to let you down and disappoint you. Father has an eye for things. He knows when they are not good enough. So just… Take my advice, Uncle. It’ll save you some time.”

Iroh stood frozen through the whole monologue, shocked into silence. Looking at Zuko, his brave nephew, so collected and restrained while saying such horrifying things.
The moment he was done talking, Iroh hugged him close. The child flinched hard, trying to escape the touch, but Iroh didn’t let go this time. It was wrong, possibly, but he couldn’t bring himself to. Zuko stayed stiff in his arms, breaths short and constrained. Gradually he loosened up, breathing getting calmer, slower. Unsure arms came to lie on Iroh’s spine tentatively, ready to disappear with a single noise or the slightest change in his breath. Why was Zuko so afraid? Iroh hugged harder.
That was when he felt the cloth on his shoulder dampen. He pulled away just one bit to check on him. And was greeted with red-rimmed horrified eye.

“Sorry!”

Zuko pulled away immediately, bandages slipped to the side, eyes completely dry in mere seconds.

“I’m very sorry, I didn’t mean to! It won’t happen again!”

“Prince Zu..”

“I’m sorry! I promise!!”

“Zuko!”

His nephew stilled, looking terrified all the same, ripping Iroh’s poor heart in halves. This time he knew better than to ask the spirits what they did to his nephew. That was clearly his brother’s work.

“Zuko” – honorifics be damned, he needed to talk to him right now, and he needed this to work. “Nephew. I am not angry with you. Nor am I disappointed. You do not need to apologize. Tears are a very human thing, and you need not to be embarrassed by them”

Zuko looked at him with disbelief.

“Sozin’s blood is too strong to cry”

Well, that’s a page from Ozai’s book for sure.

“If that is true, I am not Sozin’s blood, for I have cried much more than once in my life.” – Iroh answered in a mild tone.

Don’t let the irritation slip in your voice. Zuko will not understand, that it is not directed towards him.

“Let us try one more time?” – Iroh asked when Zuko kept quiet. He was ready for this offer to be declined, but he had to try. He opened his arms wide.

Zuko sniffed and looked at the floor. The bandages slipped almost all the way off, showing the bright red of the forming scar.
What should he tell this child? How can he make him believe Iroh means it when he says he’s here to stay? Iroh always had a way with words, he could inspire an army with just a single sentence, could win a heated argument with a quiet remark, could talk his way out of any mischief. He was so sure that words were his best weapon, that he was a master.
Now though he stood weaponless – not a syllable to command.

How can he make Zuko believe him? How to gain his trust?

“May I right your bandages?”

Zuko’s shoulders shot up to his very ears.

“I’m not helpless!! I can do that myself!” - he snapped.

Wrong again. Why was he so bad at this?
Lu Ten was never like that.
Iroh felt terrible for having that thought.

Zuko looked at him with strange desperation, clutching the falling bandages with one hand. He was waiting for something. Iroh had no clue, for what.

“Sorry” – Zuko whispered, and in a single swift motion he was behind the metal door again.

“Zuko!!”

Chapter Text

“Zuko!”

The lock clinked loudly. Zuko’s back hit the door. The bandages fell all the way, letting the air gently brush the painful red of the burn. Zuko’s hand shot up to his face, covering his mouth violently. Tears streamed down, salt making the scarring burn hurt even more. But he didn’t make a sound.
Zuko took a shuddering breath. In-out. In-out.
This is fine.
He slid down to the floor, sitting with his knees pulled up to the chest. Experience proved this to be a very comfortable crying position. The fact that he now had favorite crying positions did nothing good for his self-esteem. Agni, he was a mess.

“Zuko!” – Uncle’s muffled cries filled the room. Spirits, make him stop.

“That could have gone worse”

“Shut up” – Zuko bit out in a whisper, without venom though. He was getting used to these voices.
And he was almost sure they meant no harm.

“But seriously. I think the guy actually cares about you”

Zuko gave that an honest thought, trying to shut out Uncle’s pleads from behind the door.

“Well, he didn’t shout or hit me. But I think he did look frustrated”

“Wait. He hit you before?”

“What? No! Uncle never had”- Zuko answered in a loudish whisper. Then added softly, mostly to himself: “Father would, though”

Zuko covered his right eye with his hand, prying open the left one. He felt like going crazy talking to disembodied voices. His left eye hurt a lot when he tried to use it, but that was still better than talking to walls.
He felt something wet run down his left cheek. Tears, ichor, or blood? Equally disgusting. Probably best not to know.
The ghosts were in the same places he saw them last. The nun, Iio, was sitting on his bed, smiling at him softly. The girl, Jinju, was sitting at her feet on the floor. The boys, Pasu and Tashi, were both standing across the room from him. Tashi was scowling at Zuko. Which was pretty cute combined with the fact that he was a five-year-old.
Or rather he was five when he was killed. Now he should be about a hundred and five.

Zuko felt guilt poke at his heart. They were just kids. And they said they were a peaceful people. Sure, they probably were lying. But even if everything his teachers said was true, and Air Nomads did raise their children as weapons, was there really no other way to deal with this? Zuko himself felt sick at the thought of killing a child. He wasn’t sure he would be able to do something like that. Even on Firelord’s orders.

Uncle never gave orders – only strange proverbial advice that Zuko dreaded.

Would he kill a child on Uncle’s orders?..

“Why are you afraid of him then?”- Iio asked.

Zuko wanted to snap at her but stopped himself. Iio sounded a bit like his mom. Her voice was lower than Mom’s, flatter, and she looked old, closer to Uncle’s age than to Mother’s. But something in her made Zuko remember Mother.
He would never snap at Mother. Not after he’d lost her.

“I am not afraid”- Zuko answered with a huff. “I just… Don’t know where his line is set”

“Line?”

“Everyone has a line. You cross it, you get reprimanded. Depending on how valuable you are, you will get either talked to, shouted on, hit, burned or killed”-Zuko explained. “I haven’t known Uncle for that long, not really. I mean, I know him my whole life, but he was mostly at war. And then he was on a spirit journey. And after that, he was grieving his son. I didn’t see him around much”

“So, you don’t know what he won’t like and what might get you hurt?”- Jinju asked cautiously.

Zuko nodded.

“What if he likes you? And won’t hurt you at all?”

Zuko wrinkled his nose.

“That’s not how life works, Jinju”

“I would like to ask a different question”- Pasu piped in. “You said you don’t know why your uncle is here. Isn’t it enough of a reason that you are his nephew? Family is important in the Fire Nation, is it not?”

“It is! But it’s… I don’t think it would be enough. I’m not worth it. Even Father doesn’t think I’m worth hanging onto. And he’s, well, my father. Someone that should like me just because I am his. If he can’t even tolerate me, why would Uncle?”- Zuko was really confused with Pasu’s train of thought. What was he going for?

Pasu didn’t seem to agree with him either. And Iio looked really sad all of a sudden. Zuko raised his remaining eyebrow at her, but the nun looked away.

“I do think he just likes you. He talks to you like monks used to talk to us. He seems to really care” – Tashi relaxed his scowl a bit. He was pretty angry for a kid. Then again, he had a hundred years to become like that. They all had.

Zuko sighed. Uncle has stopped pounding on his door, and Zuko sincerely welcomed the silence.

He still kept his voice low enough that no one from outside the room would hear him. The door was thick, but you can never be too careful.

“I do have a theory. About why he decided to go with me”

The ghosts looked at him expectantly. Just two days ago Zuko would probably shiver under their otherworldly gazes. But now he was pretty much used to them.
Dead airbenders from a hundred years ago want to hang out and talk with him? Pff, he had crazier stuff happen to him. Like a spirit ripping out his hope from his chest, for example. That was still coming back as a vivid nightmare every night. Oh well, at least he stopped seeing the nightmares about his Agni Kai.

“Uncle lost his son a couple of years ago. I think he is trying to use me to stop that hurt. He will soon see that that won’t work though. I could never measure up to Lu Ten. He was strong and smart, and kind, and talented, and everybody loved him. I am nothing like that. I am just a weak useless stupid coward. Worthless. That’s all I am. Hope he catches onto that soon, so we can all stop pretending that I can be likable”

Zuko curled up on himself as he finished talking. He felt hurt. Why did he feel so hurt?

“Please don’t get disappointed in your uncle just yet, Zuko”- Iio said.

Zuko’s head shot up.

“I’m not disappointed in him! Where did that come from?!”

“Well, you already think of him as of some shallow man, lowly enough to use one child to cover the loss of another. Do you really think him such a bad person?”

Zuko looked at the nun, dumbfounded. He did not think that at all.

“No! He is… Uncle is wise and kind. And patient! And… And very spiritual!”-Zuko struggled to remember as many good things about Uncle as he could. “He is a good person!”
“Well, that doesn’t check out then”- Pasu chimed in. “A kind person would not try to use you like that. A wise person would know better than to be disappointed in a kid just because they cried or got frustrated or tired. And a patient person would not give up on someone just like that. And a good person would help a kid in need, wouldn’t they?”

Zuko looked to the floor, stunned.

“Don’t sell your uncle short like that, ok?”-Jinju giggled. “He has to undo thirteen years of other people telling you you’re not enough. The guy is probably lost and has no idea what to do”

Zuko felt sorry for Uncle. He was such a burden on him already, and he was not making it better with his behavior. If on top of that Uncle really was kind enough to want to fix him… Poor Uncle. He owed him so much. He could never repay something like that.

Zuko felt scared at the thought. He didn’t like owing – especially when he had no idea what the payment would look like. He would honestly rather stay broken.

The thoughts were smothering him again. When he would get scared like that, Mom would hug him tight and tell him a spirit-tale. But Mom was dead. Father despised him. And he left his sister. He was alone. Zuko looked around the room. To the familiar now, transparent faces. Ghosts were all he had now. He felt like a ghost himself.

“Tell me more about your people”- he begged Iio.

“Sure”

She smiled, so kind and warm. How could she be dead? It wasn’t fair. How could she be dead when he was alive? She deserved to be alive so much more. Zuko felt the tears well up again and closed his eyes. He felt tired. He also was very hungry, but whenever he tried to eat, he would think about Mom being dead, or about never seeing home, or about Father… It was so much easier to just drink the water and sit around with his eyes closed, listening to the spirits.

Iio started talking.

She talked of her kids. The nun raised and set out in the adult life more than a hundred children throughout her life. And she remembered and loved every single one. She told Zuko little silly stories about them – kids being kids, stealing sweets from the kitchen, playing reckless games. Bringing her cute gifts – pretty stones and stray bird feathers, clumsy friendship bracelets and wacky pottery. Zuko used to bring stuff like that to his mother too. She would laugh and coo over him, and hug him. She smelled like jasmine tea and summer. She liked plants and small birds and kittens, and singing, and sitting in the shadow in the gardens. She smiled so pretty.

She was dead.

Well, at least Mom wasn’t a ghost. She was probably reborn already, being a little kid somewhere, bringing her own mother small gifts and calling her over to look at a pretty flower together. The thought almost made Zuko smile, for the first time since the Spirit World journey. He hoped his mom scored a loving family. She deserved a nice life after everything she has been through. This life wasn’t kind to her. Zuko knows, since he was probably around for the worst of it. Would be great if spirits decided to give her a breather with the new one.

Iio noticed that his attention shifted and stopped talking. Zuko caught onto the silence in a few moments.

“Sorry”

“Nothing to apologize for, Zuko. I have all the time in the world”

She smiled. Zuko looked at her for a while, then fixed the bandages back on the injured side and plopped on the bed. He looked at the cabin’s metal celling. Was this going to be his view forever now?

Not like Father would ever want him back.

The rage and hurt inside were slowly turning into heavy sadness. He had no plans and no desires. No hopes or dreams, or whatever. And he didn’t want any. He even gave a thought to the idea of starting over – maybe his new life would treat him better. But the images from the Spirit World were still too vivid in his mind. Zuko had no guarantee, that he would get reborn. What if the spirits got angry with him and made him stay in their world forever?
They did give him a mission. What would be the punishment for ignoring a mission given by the spirits?

“Iio”

“Yes, Zuko?”

Voice without the image was still giving him the creeps. Zuko closed his eyes. Now her voice didn’t seem mystical and ethereal. Just a normal voice of a normal person, which you don’t see because your eyes are closed.

“How did the nomads punish their young if they misbehaved?”

“We didn’t believe in punishment. We would just talk with them until they understood why something they did was wrong. And then we would help them right it”

“No punishments? For anything?” Unthinkable.

“No”

“But how would the kids understand the rules?”

“We would explain those to them”

“And if they misbehaved on purpose?”

“We would talk about why they did it. On purpose – means there is a reason behind it”

“And if they didn’t study hard enough, or bend well enough? If they were weak and stupid, what then?”

“Why would anyone punish a kid for lacking wit or speed or anything else? That’s not a fault, that’s a trait” – Iio sounded sad and confused. “There was a lot of talking, Zuko. Whatever your question, the answer is the same. We talked with them. And helped them”

Zuko fell silent, the concept too foreign to him. His fingers creeped towards the burn unthinkingly. A society with no punishment. It sounded crazy! But also… Safe. Nice.

He had to ask.

“What if…”-Zuko’s voice grew thick. “What if they spoke out of turn? In an important meeting. With elders. The Temple was run by elders, right?”

“The Council of Elders, yes. And the child would not be punished. They would just be asked to leave, so that the Elders could proceed with the meeting”

“What if they had something to say on the topic of the meeting?”

Iio gave it a thought. Zuko barely let out a breath.

“I think, we would let them say, what they wanted to. But after their input was taken, they would still be asked to leave”

“I once had that” – Jinju suddenly interrupted. “I’m not a bender. They wanted to give me up for adoption. Non-benders have a hard time in the Temples, since they are built for airbenders specifically. So non-bending kids get adopted out. But I didn’t want to leave”

Zuko listened intently. He remembered what Jinju looked like. She was a tall girl, about ten years old, not more. Ghosts told him that kids moved to the other Temples to meet their teachers and start learning to bend for real not later than eight.

“What did they say?”

“We argued a lot. But I convinced them that there can be a non-bender nun in the Temple. I can take care of kids just fine” – Jinju said. “They said I could stay for as long as I wanted”.

“Huh”

“It was always like that, Zuko. We talked, and everything was solved” – Iio added in a warm voice.

Zuko felt like crying again. So he bit his cheek from the inside and stayed still until the feeling passed.

He didn’t want this. He didn’t need any of this. Sozin’s blood was too strong for this!

Uncle was Sozin’s blood too.

Sozin killed the Air Nomads.

“Zuko?”

No army. No warriors.

“Everything ok?”

No weapons. No deadly benders. Just nuns and kids, and some elders, and a whole society where people talk when something happens, not burn the opposer down. A Temple of laughter, silly games and jokes, mothers and fathers raising hundreds of kids, not caring about blood ties or talents.

“Zuko?”

Agni, he understood Qsiliu.

“Sorry”- Zuko exhaled loudly. “Sorry. Could you please tell me more about your people? I don’t think… I’m not sure if anything I know was ever true. I think I should start learning anew”

“Of course! What do you want to know?”

“Anything you want to share”- Zuko answered, but then figured he had a question ready. “Wait, actually… how about your beliefs on death? We haven’t talked about that yet”

Do they hate the Fire Nation for not only killing them, but leaving their bodies lie around for a century, spirits chained to their own rotting flesh, prisoners in their own home with no hope for a release? Why didn’t the soldiers take care of the bodies, even in a Fire Nation way if they never knew the Air Nomad one?

And why didn’t they take care of the bodies of their own people?

Are there stuck Fire Nation ghosts here as well?

Are the ghosts desperate to stop existing like this, or did they grow used to it now, and will think him a murderer if he offers to release them from it?

“Death beliefs? That's simple”-Tashi answered before Iio collected her thoughts. “Same as others – the spirit will be reborn if the body was put to rest properly. If not, you get stuck. As we are witnessing now”

“Are you mad about it?”

“I wouldn’t say that. We had plenty of time to forgive and let go. But I… I would like to move on if that’s what you are asking”

The other ghosts agreed with Tashi.

“I could maybe help with that. If you want me to” – Zuko offered cautiously.

“Oh, that would be great!”

“You would?!”

“Yes, please!”

“Oh, great, thank you!”

Everyone talked over each other, the room falling in a chaos of words and laughter of relief. Zuko felt a bad headache creeping over him from the surplus of sound. But he also felt his chest get lighter. He could help them. He could be useful for once.

“Tell me everything about your rites. I will try to do everything as close to the tradition as possible”

“Thank you, Zuko. Thank you, really” – Jinju said. “I would hug you if I could right now!”

“We all would!” – Tashi laughed. That was the first time he heard this kid laugh in the four days the ghosts were here.

“Will you do all four of us? Can you please do my best friend too? I want us to get reborn together, so we can be friends in the next life!”

Zuko felt himself smile.

“What are you talking about? If I’m doing this – I’m doing this for everyone at the Temple.”

He heard silence. Was that the wrong thing to say? His small smile melted off immediately. Iio started weeping. Zuko shot up on his bed.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to, I’m sorry, whatever it is I said I didn’t mean it, please…”- Zuko stumbled over words, franticly trying to get the bandages off so he could see the ghosts again, so he could assess the damage done by lousy wording to his… his friends. In his hurry he picked at the burn and the pain shot through his whole body, making him hiss in pain loudly.

The room burst into sounds again, ghosts trying to stop him, asking to be careful, crying out that he is hurting himself. He finally pried the bandage off and saw – saw everyone huddled around him with fear and worry on their faces, arms outstretched towards him, transparent hands trembling from wanting to touch him – but having no choice to do so. Why did they care about him so much?

Zuko wanted to cry again. What was wrong with him!

“Zuko, child, I’m so sorry I scared you. You… I just… Everything is ok. Those were happy tears. I promise those were happy tears” – Iio said in a trembling voice.
Zuko felt his own tears go down like a waterfall, face contorting in crying. The nun did not stop talking though. It felt really nice, that his outburst seemed to have no effect on her.

“You made me very happy with what you said. Very happy and proud. I hope you will be able to do that. And even if you won’t be able, for a reason or the other, I’m still happy with you for having this desire. Thank you”

Zuko covered his mouth with both his hands and broke down in silent sobs.

There was no way he was leaving them without their rites. He would lay them to rest, or die trying and join them as another ghost. That was settled.

Chapter Text

Liu just couldn’t sleep tonight. There would probably be a storm soon – he always slept worse before those. Liu tossed and turned, and looked at the ceiling, and then finally his stomach growled. He sat up in his bed. Well, if he can’t sleep, he could at least eat, couldn’t he? Liu got up silently, trying hard to not wake his comrades, and exited the cabin they shared.

The trip to the kitchen was a short one, a few dozen steps to the left and down the stairs. Teon, the cook, was still there, finishing up the preparations for breakfast. He nodded at Liu and then nodded to the left.

“There’s some desert rum in that counter. Search for a lemon-olive oil bottle with a black tag”

Liu grinned. Being friends with a cook had its benefits.
He shuffled towards the counter, found the bottle, opened it, and took a wide swing. Nice.

“Do you think he is even alive in there?”

The question was unexpected, but Liu immediately knew who Teon was talking about.

“Pretty sure he is. People say he is drinking his water. And four days without food won’t kill you, even if you’re a kid. Besides, I heard them talk with the Dragon just today. He’s fine”

Liu didn’t have a particular thought about the Prince. The kid was shouty at one moment – and quiet at the other. He tried hard to appear collected, but anyone who has ever seen a child play brave could see through that game. He was a mess, in pain, and probably terrified.

Liu was thankful for this quest though. If it wasn’t for this stupid cat-geese chase, he wouldn’t be serving on a ship right now. It would be jail time for him. All because of that stupid argument with the Lieutenant four months ago.

“And what’s with that Spirit World journey? People say, the Prince just collapsed in the middle of the room full of skeletons!”

It wasn’t even Liu’s fault, not really. Lieutenant Dai was wrong, and he knew it. Liu was being just.

“And now they say he talks to ghosts in his room! Or to voices in his head. Depends on who you ask”

It wasn’t his fault the deck was slippery. It wasn’t his fault that the Lieutenant fell. It wasn’t his fault not a single person from the crew has tried to save the bastard. And even if it was – there were much worse people aboard the Prince’s ship. They knew each other’s stories.

“Do you think he went crazy, Liu?”

“Nah. Probably just talking to himself a bit. Or maybe he did start seeing ghosts, I don’t know. They say the Dragon can see spirits too”

“Yeah, I heard that! I wonder if that’s true” -Teon mused a bit, continuing his cooking routine. “I heard one of the Komodo rhinos fell ill. You know which one?"

“Yeah, the lazy one, Rozy. I think she’s faking”

“Yeah, probably! Less exercise, more food – I would fake too”

They laughed at that. Then Liu heard a shuffle behind him. He turned around swiftly.

There was a ghost.

“Yeep!”

Liu wasn’t sure, who let out that undignified sound, him or Teon, or both, but it sure made Prince Zuko scrunch his face up and rub a temple under the bandage.

“Please, no loud sounds. Thank you” – the Prince said in a… Liu wanted to say, annoyed royal voice, but the Prince’s voice was really just tired and nothing else. It was strange, seeing a royal with such a mundane thing as a headache.

“Your-your-your Highness” - Teon mustered up. Wow he was nervous around the Prince. Come to think of it, he hasn’t been out of the kitchens that much. He probably hasn’t seen either of the royals much.

“Good evening. Or… rather good night, I guess” – the Prince nodded slightly, every inch the bandaged tired royalty. Teon and Liu both rushed to bow in response. “I was wondering if there are any leftovers or something. I couldn’t eat earlier, apologies for ignoring the meals you have prepared, that was never meant as an insult. But right now, I would be thankful if you could find something for me”

Liu stared. Did he take a too-wide swing from that bottle or did the royal child just apologize and ask his own cook for leftovers, please?
Teon too looked at the Prince for a solid half-minute, dumbfounded. Then sprung to action.

“Of course, Your Highness! I apologize, I just started preparing for tomorrow, so there is nothing quite ready yet, and, uh, from the dinner…”

“Is that rice?”

Both men looked at where the Prince was pointing. There stood a bowl full of fresh sticky rice for the morning onigiri.

“Uhm, yes, Your Highness”

“May I have some?”

“But it’s just rice, not even seasoned, it’s plain and…”- Teon stumbled under the Prince’s gaze.

“May I have some?” – the Prince repeated.

“Sure. Your Highness”- Teon added hastily, but Liu had the feeling that Prince Zuko didn’t really care about that. He just swiped a small bowl from the other counter, went up to the big one, and took himself a couple of spoonfuls of rice. Then found some chopsticks, and looked around with a searching gaze.
Liu figured what the royal wanted and rushed to offer him a stool. Prince Zuko nodded at him, sat and started eating.

Liu and Teon exchanged glances.

“Are you sure you’re ok with just the rice, Prince Zuko? I could make you something. Anything… that I… uh.. Have the ingredients for” – Teon suggested once again.

The Prince looked at him with his single golden eye, while continuing to munch down rice. He swallowed and answered:
“This is ok. Food is food" - he paused for a second. "Wait. Is there enough for tomorrow? I didn’t take too much, did I?”

Liu was completely lost. Did the Prince, the actual son of the Firelord, just ask in a worried voice if he took too much rice, while in the kitchen of his own Koh-damned ship?.. They exchanged glances with Teon again. What was even going on?

“Of course not, Your Highness. You are welcome to take as much as you need”

Prince Zuko nodded at the man, apparently content with that answer, and resumed eating. Liu took a sip from the bottle again. What a night. He took another one, and then abruptly realized that the kid was looking at him. Sipping from a bottle of lemon-oil. Like a maniac.

“What’s that? Is that alcohol? You know it’s forbidden on the ship”

Liu gulped and almost choked on his poison. Oh, so he understood. That was even worse.
Teon looked ready to pass out.

The Prince… smirked?

“Don’t freak out that hard, I won’t tell anyone. That’s firewhiskey in there, right? I recognize the smell. Is it any good?”

“It’s… passable, I guess” – Liu dropped the “highness” since the talk took a turn way too far from courtly themes.

“May I have a bite?”

Only the army called getting a gulp of alcohol “a bite”. Where has this kid been hanging out?

“Are you sure this is a good idea? My Prince”

“A great one” – Prince Zuko nodded. “This way all three of us get to keep a secret. You don’t tell Uncle your part, I don’t tell mine”

Ah, right, his uncle. The Dragon of the West. Liu was going to die tomorrow, wasn’t he. Might as well go out with style. Liu abruptly stood up, grabbed three teacups from the cupboard, filled them with the whiskey, and dispensed between himself, Teon and the Prince.

Prince Zuko nodded at him, took the cup, assessed the liquid levels in other cups, and raised an eyebrow.
“That’s a bit more than a bite”

“Drink as much as you like, then just leave the rest. My prince” – Liu answered. “To the Fire Nation”

“To the Fire Nation” – Prince Zuko and Teon echoed.

The men downed their drinks and the kid took a careful sip of his, going straight into a coughing fit. He ate some rice, covering the taste, then stubbornly took another sip. This one seemed to land well. Liu couldn’t help but smile. The kid acted just like his own little brother when he would sneak him a sip of alcohol during family gatherings.
Sho was all grown up now. Mom wrote, he got drafted this year. Liu wondered if he was ever going to see him again.

The Prince suddenly froze looking somewhere past Liu’s shoulder. Then seemed to shake it off with another sip.

“You okay, my Prince?”

“Mm? Yes, sorry” – Prince Zuko sure apologized a lot. “Just heard a ghost. Don’t mind me”

Sorry, what?

“Apologies, what?” – Teon said as much aloud. Liu nodded as to join in the question.

The royal sighed.

“A ghost. I’m pretty sure you already heard that I had an encounter with the spirits back at the Temple. I went to the Spirit World for a rather short time, but they saw fit to gift me with the ability to see and hear spirits all the time. I can hear them when I’m not paying much attention to anything. And see them if I take off the bandage. Since I’m now blind in this eye, the spirits saw fit to use it for this new vision they gave me”

Prince Zuko paused to munch on the rice some more, then continued, with his listeners stunned into silence.

“It’s kind of strange – to see different things with different eyes. And the voices are strange. I mean, when I have the bandage on and I hear them without seeing, it’s like I’m going crazy. But I think I’m starting to get used to it. Ghosts are really kind. Honestly, did not expect that. Spirits are mostly mean though. And angry”

“They were mean to you in the Spirit World?” – Teon asked. He wasn’t scared of the royal anymore, just focused on the talk. That’s good.

Prince Zuko nodded with a grave expression.

“Yeah. They are very mad about what Firelord Sozin did to the Nomads. About what our people have done. They said I will atone for it all since no one else came to the Temples after... what happened” – he munched a bit more, then added quietly. “One of them tried to rip my heart out. It was painful. I thought there was no pain in the Spirit World. But that was worse than the burn”

Liu felt his heart break in pieces at that. He wanted to hug the child before him, who sat so silent and serious, trying to maintain a face. Sipping firewhiskey to calm himself down, like he probably saw the adults do. Liu couldn’t hug him, of course. Even burned and banished Prince Zuko was royalty, no one could touch royal blood just like that. He would probably get executed if he did something that stupid, especially with his record.

But Agni, he wanted to hug the kid.

Liu looked up to at least meet that golden eye and try to convey some of his feelings.

But what he saw was Teon standing up, stepping to the royal and embracing him.

The royal froze. Liu froze as well. He was pretty sure the whole world froze. He saw Teon’s eyes blow wide as the man was catching up to what his own arms were doing, his mouth opening forming an apology (although, how can you ever apologize enough for something like this?!), but then – two small arms wrapped around the man’s torso.

The crown prince of the Fire Nation buried his bandaged face in his cook’s soft belly.

Liu tried to exchange glances with Teon once again, to check if they were both going crazy, but the cook didn’t look at him. He looked at the child in his arms. His face contoured into something careful, like he was holding a delicate priceless teacup.

“You are very brave to have endured all that, Prince Zuko. I’m sorry that you had to”

There was a sound. A sound very similar to a sob. Both men ignored it.

The next second the Prince righted himself, stealthily wiping off his eye. The silence suddenly felt a bit damp.

“What are you going to do about it?” – Teon asked carefully.

“Make it up to them, of course” – the Prince answered, looking at the floor. His eye was still glistening wet, but his gaze was resolute. “I’m going to help lay all of the ghosts to rest”

“Wow, that’s a lot of work” – Liu said out loud. Was he that drunk already?

“Yeah”

Teon breathed out with a hiss and shook his head.

“You should rest then. You need energy for something that big. Finish your rice”

The cook suddenly sounded like a parent. He took whiskey from the kid, divided it between their two cups, then put the kid's cup in the sink. Then he fished out a bottle of milk and poured some in a pot. As Prince Zuko finished his rise, Teon put down a mug of warm spiced chai milk before him.

“Drink up, then try sleeping”

Prince’s gaze shot up at him immediately.

“How did you know I have trouble sleeping?!”

Teon smiled.

”I figured”

***

Ren hated when they had to assemble on deck. She used to serve under different commanders, getting swapped and switched all the time due to her complicated character, but every time it was more or less the same. Assembling on deck meant they will have to endure a couple of hours of fucking heat under Agni’s unforgiving gaze listening to some patriotic shit and then try and do a day’s worth of work in the remaining hours. Komodo-rhino crap. But did anyone ever need her agreement on anything happening in her life?
So she stood there under the sun in full fucking armor and waited for their child of a captain to play adult. His uncle, the Dragon of the West, was already there, standing with everyone like he was just a part of the crew (yeah, sure). The General looked worried. Oh, right. The kid didn’t come out these few days. Probably was working on whatever petty caricature of a speech he was going to spit on them. Agni bless the royalty.

The kid finally came to the deck. Ren would be lying if she said she didn’t internally wince a little. He looked horrible. Skin way too stretched over bones, single eye fallen in and shining in a not healthy way, lips a firm line. He looked like a prisoner approaching his last fire, not a child trying to play ruler. Seemed wrong.
His uncle got his face in an even more worried grimace. Like he also didn’t know what was going to happen. What, he didn’t proofread his nephew’s speech?
The kid finally made his way to the crowd. Stood straight like a line. And spoke in a surprisingly stable voice that carried perfectly over the deck. Ren guessed royals did teach their kids a thing or two about ruling then, huh.

“Daughters and sons of fire, may Agni bless you all”

Ren and some other people around got stunned in silence. That was not a royal greeting. That was a Fire Siege one. Ren stole a glance at the old general. He was as flabbergasted as they were.
The little royal took his pause, almost dramatic at this point. So that was not a mistake. He did that on purpose.

“I will not keep you from your duty for long, I am aware how much work needs to be constantly done around the ship. So let us make this quick. I need four benders to help with the funeral rites for the remains of our people in the Temple”

There was a pause again. Not dramatic this time. More like a “I know this is going to backfire spectacularly but I'm still gonna say it” pause.

“And also I need four people, benders on not, to help with funeral rites for the Air Nomad remains”

Ren couldn’t take her eyes off the kid. He needed them to what?!
Well, he had some pretty giant balls for a literal child, she would give him that. This was almost treason. Suddenly, Ren found herself doubting that this kid was sent away for cowardice.

“I understand that you all heard about the spirits in the Temple. And I would be the last person to try and convince you that it’s safe there. It’s most likely not. And that’s not the type of “not safe” that you knew you would encounter when you enlisted” – the kid gulped in some air. It seemed the nerves were finally getting to him. “This is why I will not order any of you to help me with this. It can only come from your decision. This will only be for volunteers”

No one said a word. Ren watched as the Prince searched the crowd with that strange golden gaze – too piercing for a child, but too hopeful for an adult. He didn’t find what he was looking for. Ren saw the exact moment the light in his eye dimmed a little. She hated it.

“Okay. As I said, no one will be ordered to help. But if you change your mind - do find me at the Temple. I will still do it, even if it takes weeks on end. Uncle,” – he finally turned to the General. “Will you help me with the funeral pyres for our people? Since my fire is still... it is…”

He stuttered in embarrassment. Why would he be embarrassed? Anyone would be afraid to firebend after a burn like that. Ren once got a much smaller burn on her shoulder during sparring practice, and she couldn’t bend for weeks after!

“Of course, Prince Zuko” – good thing the old man finally answered, the kid was getting all red in the face from the stress. He shouldn’t be in that much stress this soon after the burn. For Agni’s sake, he still has bandages on. He should be resting in the infirmary, not putting dead people to rest!

“I would like to help”

Oh, so someone did volunteer, huh. Whose voice was that?

And why was everyone looking at her?

Oh, for fuck’s sake.

“Really?”

Ran looked at the kid. A proper kid with a huge eye glistening with hope and oh shit she felt like she ate a puppy and it was running around her stomach barking happily.

“Yeah”

“Oh, that’s great, thank you!” – he did that small nod that royals did instead of a bow. “Thank you. You are a bender if I recall correctly? Ran, right?”

“Ren” – wow, he almost got it. Did he study their names while in the infirmary or something? “Yes, I am a bender”

“Oh, sorry. I won’t make that mistake again, I promise I’ll remember. Ren. Thank you” - the royal seemed to be irritated with himself for not remembering her name right. How was that happening? Was Ren high or something?

And that was a lot of thanks. Way too much. Ren felt warmth creep up her face. No fucking way. She was a seasoned warrior. A navy woman. A dangerous beast. She did not blush. Not before any man or woman, and certainly not before this underage joke of a commander. She bowed shortly.

“I’ll join as well, please. Non-bender”

Who was that? Oh, Liu. Strange. Never pegged him for a royalist.

“Thank you, Liu”

Ok, what was going on? How did they know each other? Because they did, didn’t they? The kid almost smiled at him, what in Koh’s name was that?!

Everyone else was as confused but kept to murmurs. No one volunteered after Liu. The Prince waited for about two minutes more (that felt like hours for Ren), then finally said:
“Thank you all for your time. Volunteers, please stay here, we will discuss our trip to the Temple. Everyone else is dismissed”

She turned to their little undertaker team. Liu looked way too eager to participate. The General looked both confused, worried, and pleased at the same time. What a mess.

Ren groaned internally. This is going to be fun.

Chapter Text

Zuko assessed his small team of funeral volunteers. It was so nice to see a new face among them. Ren. He remembered her paper now – a middle-aged troublemaker famous for drunk fights and a too venomous tongue. She got kicked out from her last ship for defamation – tried to frame her commander for a rape attempt. Somehow Zuko was starting to severely doubt that she was the one lying.

He was almost happy to see Liu there. He was worried the man would avoid him after what happened at the kitchens last night. Crying and all. Zuko was quite embarrassed by the memory.
But the evening itself felt... warm. Zuko was glad he decided that night to not wait for the sunrise to get something to eat. Actually, he hoped no one would be at the kitchens at such an ungodly hour. But he never was that lucky.

When he came close and heard the voices, he had half a mind to just turn back. But his head hurt, and his stomach hurt, and the ghosts would try to bully him into caring about himself since he was their only way of moving on after death. They needed him alive, so they would probably be vocal about Zuko not eating again.
It felt nice to be needed by someone.

“...the lazy one, Rozy. I think she’s faking”

They were talking about Zuko’s favorite komodo rhino. What happened to her?

“Yeah, probably! Less exercise, more food – I would fake too”

Faking? Rozy would never fake an injury! She was a good girl. Zuko made a mental note to check on her later. People were too cruel to animals at times. He should make sure Rozy is getting treated as she deserves.

The men started laughing, and Zuko entered the kitchen, squinting at the light of the fires, too bright after dim corridors. The men turned to him and made a very high-pitched noise. Zuko felt like someone stabbed him in the head with a knife.

“Please, no loud sounds. Thank you” - Zuko hoped that sounded civilized enough. He didn’t want to create enemies, let alone among the kitchen staff.

“Your Highness!” - the cook said. What was his name again? Something with an “N”.

“Good evening. Or… rather good night, I guess” - Zuko nodded. Spirits, why is he so awkward, what kind of greeting was that. He heard Azula’s laughter ringing in his ears.
Just cut to the chase, save at least some dignity.

“I was wondering if there are any leftovers or something”

Oh fuck. This is the same cook that was preparing the food earlier, right? Yes, there is only one cook aboard and one assistant. He is probably furious with Zuko for wasting all of that food and work. He should apologize.

“I couldn’t eat earlier, apologies for ignoring the meals you have prepared, that was never meant as an insult. But right now, I would be thankful if you could find something for me”

That was smooth. Good work, Zuko.

Why are they staring? Was the apology not enough?

Should he… bow? That was not etiquette for his position, but maybe they are aware of the… changes... in his position? He still is a prince, but he is disgraced now.
Zuko had no idea what the proper etiquette for a disgraced prince apologizing to a ship cook is.
Why was his life so complicated?

“Of course, Your Highness!”

Oh, good. So everything is ok. Nice.

“I apologize, I just started preparing for tomorrow, so there is nothing quite ready yet, and, uh, from the dinner…”

For the love of Agni, can Zuko just get a piece of bread or something and leave? Too many words, way too many…

“Is that rice?” - Looks fresh. Smells great. Try not to let saliva drip please, you are a fucking royal, not a starved animal, Zuko, have some dignity. Ask before taking.

“Uhm, yes, Your Highness”

“May I have some?”

“But it’s just rice, not even seasoned, it’s plain and…”- the cook stumbled out.

FOR THE LOVE OF AGNI! TOO. MANY. WORDS. SHUT. UP.

“May. I. Have. Some?” You. Fucking. Chatterbox.

“Sure. Your Highness”

Oh, thank Spirits. Zuko got himself a bowl of blessed white sticky stuff, the other man offered him a stool, which he accepted gratefully, and finally, Zuko could eat.
Who knew food could taste this good?

“Are you sure you’re ok with just the rice, Prince Zuko? I could make you something. Anything… that I… uh.. Have the ingredients for” – did this cook know how to shut up? Would it be rude to ask him that?

Yes. Yes, it would be rude, Zuko.

Mom would be disappointed.

Mom is dead.

“This is ok. Food is food". Please, leave me alone.

Wait. Could it be he is asking to cook something else because he already had plans for this rice? Better check than be sorry later.

"Is there enough for tomorrow? I didn’t take too much, did I?”

“Of course not, Your Highness. You are welcome to take as much as you need”

Great. Onto the munching then.

Suddenly Zuko caught a faint familiar smell. He raised his gaze just in time to see the other man take a good long sip from a bottle of lemon-oil. Like a maniac. Their eyes met.
Oh, that was no lemon-oil, was it?

“What’s that? Is that alcohol? You know it’s forbidden on the ship”

The man almost choked, and Zuko made an effort to not laugh out loud. The cook looked like he was getting executed in the morning. Peak comedy.
Zuko allowed himself to smirk at that. Adults could be such cowards at times.
Fuck etiquette, these ones now owe him.

“Don’t freak out that hard, I won’t tell anyone. That’s firewhiskey in there, right? I recognize the smell. Is it any good?”

“It’s… passable, I guess” - what was the man’s name? Zuko should’ve remembered by now. He is not the kitchen assistant, is he? No. One of the engineers? Workers?

Zuko considered actually asking the man but decided against it. He read all of their files. He attended more than one roll call. He will remember it on his own.
The firewhiskey smelled great though. The smell brought out memories.

“May I have a bite?”

The man looked at him, amused. By the request or the wording? Probably both. Only the army called getting a gulp of alcohol “a bite”.

Zuko missed Lu Ten so much.

////

“Hey there, little cousin”

Zuko was about six then. Lu Ten just got back from some campaign, he didn’t remember which one. The whole day was dedicated to his arrival, there were meetings and celebrations, and too many adults for Zuko’s liking. Now it was night, and silent, and not as hot as in the daylight. Mom put Zuko to bed hours ago, but he was good at pretending and really bad at sleeping.
He was also fairly skilled in slipping around the palace unnoticed. But Lu Ten always saw him somehow.

At his cousin’s words, Zuko peeked into the room. Lu Ten was sitting cross-legged on the floor, leaning on his left hand, an almost empty bottle in his right. His eyes were glistening. Zuko already saw him like that before, but never one on one. He approached cautiously.
He knew better than to approach when Father was like that. But Lu Ten was different, right? Right?

“Come on, I don’t bite. Sit with me”

Zuko gingerly sat himself near the man and looked up at him. Lu Ten wasn’t looking at him, his gaze was trained on the wall. He smelled like alcohol, smoke, and sandy ground. Zuko kept still.

“Can’t sleep either, can you?” - Lu Ten asked.

Zuko shook his head.

“Yeah, me neither. Fucking nightmares. Oh, sorry, I shouldn't swear around you. Don’t repeat that”

What did he think Zuko was, a toddler? Zuko felt offended.

“I already know that word”

Lu Ten looked at him, and Zuko braced himself for… He didn’t really know what. Some way of being reprimanded for talking back. But Lu Ten just laughed, loud and open, like a rumble of thunder during a storm. That was a nice laugh.

“Of course you know! Do you know any other ones?”

Zuko smiled. That was an easy question. He liked easy questions. He could answer them all day.
He started voicing the poor language he knew from guards, maids, and Father. There were more than two words. Lu Ten looked pleased, and Zuko’s heart chirruped happily in his chest.

“That’s a nice collection, little cousin! A nice one. Please don’t use any of it around Auntie, she would get a heart attack”

“I would never!” - Zuko shouted, flabbergasted.

Lu Ten laughed again, then suddenly swung the bottle his way.

“Want a bite?”

Zuko looked at the bottle incredulously.

“A bite? You don’t bite alcohol, you sip it. It’s like water. I’m six, not stupid”

“So easily offended, are we, lionpup?”- Lu Ten winked. “Don’t get your flames on your sleeves, it’s just how we say it in the army. You better get used to it, you’ll get drawn pretty soon, buddy. So what, a bite? Oh, come on, let cousin teach you the wrong stuff while he is still around and alive”

“Of course, you are alive! What are you talking about!” - Zuko felt a weird pain in the chest when Lu Ten said that, so he lashed out. “Don’t ever say that, cinderhead!!”

He took the bottle from his cousin and took a violent swing, immediately going into coughing and spitting the liquid all around and on himself. Lu Ten laughed so hard he nearly fell over, but then tried to help him.

“That was brave, but idiotic, Zuko. It’s nice how you try to face stuff head-on, but you should always think first. Otherwise, you might get in serious trouble. Especially when you’ll join the army. We are all hot-heads there. As a leader, you should be THE one levelheaded person in the room. You get me?”

“Yeah” - coughed Zuko. “My throat hurts”

“That’s rough, buddy. Let’s get you some water”

///

“Are you sure this is a good idea? My Prince”

“A great one” – Zuko nodded. “This way all three of us get to keep a secret. You don’t tell Uncle your part, I don’t tell mine”

Uncle had no business knowing that Lu Ten let Zuko “take a bite” more than once - nightmare medicine, as he would put it. And it did help. Zuko missed those evenings almost as much as he missed Lu Ten himself (wow Zuko was a terrible person).
Especially hard he missed those evenings when he got older. It got way too hard to fall asleep after Mom was gone. And the wine he once stole after one of Father’s parties just wasn’t the same.
Zuko took the cup.

“To the Fire Nation” - he echoed the cheer, but it felt wrong on his tongue.

He drowned the feeling in liquor. The whiskey had a sudden bite to it, meaner than what Zuko remembered. Probably a different type. He coughed a bit, then took another sip stubbornly. This one stayed down.

He heard the strong thundering laughter fall like a pouring rain somewhere nearby. Zuko froze and was all ears. But the next instant there was nothing.

“You okay, my Prince?”

“Mm? Yes, sorry. Just heard a ghost. Don’t mind me”

The firewhiskey must have hit harder than he anticipated. The words were pouring out, and Zuko just didn’t care enough to stop them. Was Lu Ten a ghost too? Why didn’t he find peace? Come to think of it, there never was a funeral. Uncle just stopped the siege and went spirit searching.

There were no funeral flames. Not for Lu Ten. Not for Mom either.

Did Uncle just leave his body there?

Was Lu Ten crushed beyond savoring?

Was there nothing left to set aflame, just a dump place on the sandy dry ground?

Hello, new nightmares, you’re just in time. Zuko was getting too used to the old ones. Diversity is always welcome.
Zuko took a good sip and it burned right through his chest. Just like that spirit’s hand did.
Why didn’t Lu Ten laugh anymore?

“Apologies, what?”

Oh, right. He was talking to people. Spirits, this whiskey has teeth. What was the cook’s name again? Neon? No, that’s ridiculous. Zuko looked at the man and sighed.

“A ghost. I’m pretty sure you already heard that I had an encounter with the spirits back at the Temple. I went to the Spirit World for a rather short time, but they saw fit to gift me the ability to see and hear spirits all the time. I can hear them when I’m not paying much attention to anything. And see them if I take off the bandage. Since I’m now blind in this eye, the spirits saw fit to use it for this new vision they gave me”

The words were pouring once again, so Zuko stopped them with a spoonful of rice to keep the mouth busy. Didn’t help for long.

“It’s kind of strange – to see different things with different eyes. And the voices are strange. I mean, when I have the bandage on and I hear them without seeing, it’s like I’m going crazy. But I think I’m starting to get used to it. Ghosts are really kind. Honestly, did not expect that. Spirits are mostly mean though. And angry”

“They were mean to you in the Spirit World?”

Zuko remembered Qsiliu’s hands in his ribcage. That counted as mean, right? He nodded.

“Yeah. They are very mad about what Firelord Sozin did to the Nomads. About what our people have done. They said I will atone for it all since no one else came to the Temples after... what happened”- Zuko wanted to take another sip, but he felt he already had one too many. If he took one more, what other things would he tell? So he ate some food instead. “One of them tried to rip my heart out. It was painful. I thought there was no pain in the Spirit World. But that was worse than the burn”

What on earth was he thinking saying something like that out loud?! Shut up, shut up, shut up you talkative piece of fecal material! Father should have burned you all the way down to the mouth and throat so that you would maybe learn to keep that tongue between your teeth!

Zuko wanted to stand up, apologize and leave immediately, but suddenly something warm and soft came around him.

Teon. The cook’s name was Teon.

///

“And then he burned Mom! And I couldn’t do anything! Anything!”

Zuko was sobbing into Lu Ten’s shoulder. The shoulder in question felt hard and strong, as if a stone came to life and gained some flexibility on its way. Lu Ten was trying to pet Zuko’s head, but he was way too drunk to do it, so he just kept letting his hand fall sloppily on Zuko’s hair and then raising it back. Felt weird, but Zuko wasn’t complaining. It was the closest to a head pat he could get from someone besides Mom. He treasured it.

“Dun wrry, lttl csin. ‘ll be Furlord soon. Dad and then me. And when I’m ‘n throne, ‘ll show no good for nthng ‘Zai how it is when you’re not the one… the… When smn-mn stronger than you”

His speech slurred heavily, but the words felt comforting. They gave Zuko hope. Everything would be fine. Cousin Lu Ten cared. He was strong and brave, and he would soon be the Crown Prince, and he cared about Zuko! He cared about his problems! He believed him! Zuko was so afraid at first when he told Lu Ten about some of the things that were happening. Not the silly stuff, not how he was getting hurt - the important stuff, the stuff about Mom. Well, not all of it, obviously, he wouldn’t tell some of it even blackout drunk. But a thing or two. He was so afraid Lu Ten wouldn’t believe him. That he would tell Father what Zuko told him. Zuko was afraid to even think about what would happen then.
But Lu Ten didn’t tell anyone. He believed Zuko. And then in the morning, he acted as if Zuko never said a thing.

Zuko was so happy. He knew now that they had a secret. A private agreement. He and Mom just needed to hang on and wait until Lu Ten is Firelord. And then everything would be ok, they would be safe! They just needed to hang on.

///

But then Lu Ten died. And Mom died. And no one got a funeral fire, but Grandfather.

And before that the Airnomads died, and didn’t get a funeral either.

So many kind people died and didn’t get a funeral.

Zuko felt tears forming in his eye. The world around him was blurry. Sounds felt smudged. The man hugging him was soft and too warm, smelling like sweat and spices. Zuko hugged him back.

Teon. And the other one was Liu. Now Zuko remembered them.

Liu was accused of murder. Teon was accused of cannibalism and petty theft.

“You are very brave to have endured all that, Prince Zuko”

Neither accusation was proven.

“I’m sorry that you had to”

Zuko sniffed. Swallowed his pitiful feelings. And finally righted himself.
He decided to not believe the accusations for now. He would still keep them in mind, of course. Just… away from the heart.

“What are you going to do about it?” – Teon asked, and Zuko looked at him. Good question. And even better - the fact that Zuko knew the answer. He liked easy questions that he already knew the answers to. Could’ve sat here and answered them all day.

“Make it up to them, of course” – Zuko answered, and was pleased to find his own voice strong and resolute. “I’m going to help lay all of the ghosts to rest”
Felt good to say that out loud.

There was not a single cloud in the sky, but the air felt heavy. It was going to rain soon, Zuko noted. They should make this first trip short then because climbing back in the rain would be rather complicated. Especially for him, single eye and shaky limbs, and all that. There are now people depending on him. So he should keep himself safe, at least until he does what he promised. Maybe if he is good, then spirits will let him go after it. And he could… Zuko then could…

He decided he didn’t want to think about it right now.

The four of them went into the Temple in silence. Zuko was looking around a lot. He felt like this was the first time he was here, not second. He didn’t notice before how beautiful everything was. The statues, the frescos, the floor mosaics. How much love and mastery was put into all of it. The monks must have loved this place so much. And now their skeletons were littering the floors.

Zuko looked to his right and saw a fresco of a nun, surrounded by small children, all smiling and laughing. The wall was full of char marks. Some of them were directly over the children’s faces. Zuko felt like he was going to throw up.

“Everything alright, Prince Zuko?”

Zuko had to turn his whole body to look at Uncle since he was walking to his left. How annoying. He nodded to the man.

“Just assessing the workload, Uncle”

“Yes, that is quite a load, isn’t it” - Uncle Iroh answered carefully.

Zuko tensed up. It was always like this with Uncle, has been this whole month. He says simple, polite things, keeps a gentle smile on his face at all times, his eyes are attentive and curious. But Zuko can’t help but think that there must be more. This can’t be it. It’s just the surface. There is something bigger underneath, some powerful raw emotion, and he just can’t guess it. And if those childhood summers on Ember Island have taught him anything, it’s that one should never assess the water after its surface. Even if it seems calm and shallow, there is no saying what awaits you. Water knows how to hide things. Water knows how to keep its layers unseen. It might kill you if you’re not careful.
People are a lot like water.
Zuko had no idea how deep Uncle’s emotions go, what are these emotions, and what are his actual thoughts on any matter, let alone - on the Air Nomad genocide. He had the smile figured out for the mask it was - one people use on strangers, servants and scared kids and animals to seem kind and friendly to the society. He didn’t like when people used that smile on him, but it wasn’t like he could help it.

So, he had the smile figured out. But - nothing more.

They passed some rooms. Uncle looked uneasy, but it couldn’t be helped either - Zuko wanted them to start from the rooms in the back, the nurseries and kitchens, and then work their way forward to the exits. It seemed logical.
They passed a secluded room and Zuko had to stop for a second.

“What is it, Prince Zuko? You found anything inte.. Oh”

Uncle stood right next to him.

“There are about 40 skeletons of our people here… He should’ve been a powerful bender”

Liu and Ren nodded, agreeing with Uncle. Zuko didn’t say anything. He pried his left eye open under the bandage and was looking now at the ghost that stood near the Air Nomad skeleton. He was old. A Master, judging from his clothing and arrows. He had a nice long mustache that made him look wise. He was looking at Zuko with so much love, peace and acceptance, that it made him want to either lash out to show how undeserving he was of such an attitude or just fall on his knees before this person and break down crying, grieving him and his people with the most intensity he could muster.

Zuko didn’t do either, obviously. He just nodded at the ghost respectfully, and the ghost smiled back.

Oddly, there were no fire nation ghosts around. Were they wandering somewhere else?

Zuko turned and continued walking.

They parted at the kitchens. The firebenders went to the dining halls, where most of the fire nation skeletons lay. Zuko and Liu decided to start in the nurseries. Zuko didn’t say it out loud, but he wanted to start there to get the worst out of the way. He figured that after they take care of the toddler skeletons, it won’t hurt as much to take care of the child ones. This was how it worked, right? If you get hurt badly enough, you won’t feel the pain all that much when you get hurt less.
At least, that’s how his own body worked. So probably his heart would work the same way.

They both stopped in the doorway, skin full of goosebumps from the picture before them. So many little bones. Zuko saw Liu start to shake a bit beside him and thought about sharing his more-less pain theory with him, but decided against. He didn’t know the man all that well yet. He couldn’t guess what his reaction will be.
Not knowing the reaction can be dangerous. Especially since the two of them were alone here, and Zuko was still too weak to fight properly.

Zuko took a deep breath and entered.

“Remember, be respectful with the bones. The ghosts are all here and watching us. Would be rude to treat their remainings as trash. Be respectful”

Zuko observed as Liu was guided out of his initial shakes by his instructions. The man was now looking at him, and Zuko found himself feeling a strange power over him. Of course, Liu was one of his men, he was supposed to listen to Zuko. But he wasn’t a servant, and they were not in the palace with Father near, or on the ship with Uncle. They were on foreign ground, only the two of them. Liu could easily one-up him. But he was… listening.

“Let us gather the bones in that corner. And once we clean the whole room, we will grind them and send them free with the wind. And then move to the next room”

Liu bowed to him, as per etiquette. Zuko nodded in turn and got to work. They worked in companionable silence, and for the first time this horrible month, Zuko felt almost at peace with the world and with himself. It was almost a pity they had to leave when the clouds started to gather too tight in the suddenly narrow sky.
Oddly, climbing up back to the ship all Zuko could think about was returning to work tomorrow.

Chapter Text

The wind was howling, the sea rising and turning majestically. Zuko slipped away from his cabin the next second after he heard Uncle start snoring, and was now sitting all the way up in the crow’s nest. The image from there was deeply captivating. Dark gray waves rocking the ship mercilessly, pitch-black void of the sky above torn by sudden flashes of lightning in the distance. Being in the crow’s nest during a storm was a very bad idea, close to actual suicide. But Zuko wanted to feel this.

The wind was cutting his face, hurting the scarring burn even under the bandages. Zuko felt like it was cutting any stray thought right from his mind. No thoughts meant focusing on feelings: on the majesty of the force of nature around him, on the thrill of being in grave danger. The immense sense of relief he felt when the sky finally gave way to a wall of water falling down like a billion cold needles. Zuko closed his eyes and just sat there in the rain, feeling everything. Strangely he felt more at home in this storm than he ever felt anywhere before.

The waves crashed violently and the ship gave a deep lurch. Little figures of people down on the deck fell, and then got up and started running around anxiously. Zuko looked up at the clouds, and the sky screamed at him with lightning and thunder.
He felt understood.

“Hey, Highness!”

Zuko turned around to see Ren climbing towards him. The ship banked again, and Ren almost fell to her death - good thing Zuko was fast enough to catch her by the arms and drag her inside.

“Wow, that was close. Thanks! Uhm… My prince. I am grateful, My Prince”- Ren corrected herself, but then laughed. Zuko guessed he made a face at that correction. He wasn’t planning to. But all that pretty wording just felt so off to him at the moment.

“Yeah, I feel ya. So whatcha doin’ all the way here in this fucking joke of a weather? Planning to go for a dip, Highness?”

She was cute, Zuko thought. Straightforward, a bit rude, but really cute in it. Zuko felt a salt grain less awkward with her. He decided to be open too. Just for a try.

“Not yet. It’s just… really nice when the storm is outside. Not only inside”

Ren hummed, then sat on his left. Looked at him. Got on all fours and changed places, sitting on his right now. Zuko raised a brow.

“I know you don’t need this, but I’ll be feeling better if you actually see me, M’prince”

Zuko nodded slowly. Oh, how he actually needed this. He could never say that out loud, of course. But he felt a pang of happiness. He did want to see Ren while they sat together. It felt safer that way.

Ren wasn’t saying anything else. Just looking at the water all the way down. The ship was rocking worse now, tilting to every possible angle. Another powerful hit came, and Zuko clutched the railing near his head tight, grabbing Ren with the other hand, out of pure instinct to protect what is his. Ren did exactly the same, and for a hot second, they both sat clutching each other. Then Ren let go with a high-pitched squeak.

“I apologize, Your Highness, no disrespect meant!”

“It’s fine. I grabbed you too, sorry”

Ren looked at him like he grew a second pair of arms and was planning to learn to fly with them. Then she smiled and shook her head lightly.

“You’re something else, aren’t ya?”

Zuko raised a brow at that, but she didn’t elaborate. So they fell back into silence, watching the water and the wind play between ground and sky.
It was Ren again who broke the silence.

“There was a song my father used to sing. He said he heard it from his great-grandfather, who heard it in turn from a traveler that once stopped on our island. That was decades before the War.”- Ren sighed. “Father loved this song. I think it’s something from Water Tribe culture. I mean, it feels foreign, but I understand it. Anyone who lived a life on the sea would understand. Would you care to listen, Highness?”

Zuko nodded. That was intriguing. What good could Water savages create that would speak to a Fire Nation heart so deeply? He prepared to be disappointed.
Ren started singing.

There's a spirit of a storm in my soul
A restlessness that I can't seem to tame
Thunder and lightning follow everywhere I go
There's a spirit of a storm in my soul.

There's a hurricane that's raging through my blood
I can't find a way to calm the sea
Maybe I'll find someday the waters aren't so rushed
Right now they've got the best of me
And oh, it's been a long, long time
Since I had a real peace of mind
So I'm just going to sit right here
In this old chair till this storm rolls by.

Zuko turned to face Ren fully, trying not to miss a single word. Ren’s voice was low, raspy, and strong, coming not from the throat or chest, but from deep whithin the stomach. The storm was raging around them, but the song seemed to flow over it, vibrant even in the howl of the winds. Ren was looking at him too, reading his reactions, but never abandoning her singing.

Oh, maybe it's just the way I am
Maybe I won't ever change
So I'm just going to sit right here
In this old chair and just soak up the rain.

There's a spirit of a storm in my soul
Every time I think it's gone away
Dark clouds gather, that old wind begins to blow
The sun's going to shine someday I hope
There's a spirit of a storm in my soul, in my soul.

She finished the song, and they sat in silence - as silent as it can be in the middle of the storm. Then Zuko found himself talking.

“Am I doing the right thing?”

Ren huffed and then smiled at him.

“‘fcourse you are, Prince. Say, do you really see those ghosts everyone talks about?”

“Yeah”

“They asked you to do all this?”

Zuko nodded. What was she getting to?

“Well, I think you are an honorable man for respecting a request from the dead. Especially since they are not related to you. Not even the same nation. That is something I myself can stand behind, you know. I’m a free spirit, I don’t like being ordered around. But when you asked to help this cause, I was sure I should join”

Ren huffed again, this time humorless.

“And please don’t mind the other bags of... wheat, they will come around. They’re just terrified a ghost will kill them. Pathetic”

“Well, I see what to be afraid of” - Zuko disagreed.

“Well, I don’t! We’re the Navy, not a kindergarten. If you’re scared and want mommy, pack your socks and fuck off. So sick of people acting tough all the time but at the moment it really would matter. Gobbler-geese. Hope they drink some wro-o-o-ong ocean buckthorn vodka and get seasick for their cowardice!”

Zuko snickered. Ren looked at him again.

“You’re a good man, my Prince, and I agree with what you do. Now, how about we get down and catch some sleep? We have a fucking temple of bodies to clean up tomorrow, and I’m not even exaggerating”

There was a slight pause in the storm, and if they wanted to get to the cabins relatively safe, this was a good time to try. So Zuko nodded. He felt calmer than he did before the storm. So there was a slight chance he could fall asleep.

When they got to the cabins, Ren waved at him. Zuko waved back. He felt weird doing that instead of exchanging bows. Was this what having his own friends felt like?
Non-ghost friends, he meant. He did have Iio, Jinju, Pasu, and Tashi. And he appreciated them. But it was nice to spend time with someone… alive. And mostly not dangerous.
On second thought, Ren was a firebender, and Zuko still couldn’t firebend. She could burn him down and throw him into the raging sea and no one would ever know. Zuko was just too calm up there to think straight. He should know better than to let his guard down like that.

What would Father say? Pathetic.

Ren was dangerous.

He entered his cabin. The ghosts were not there. Or, maybe, they were, but kept silent - he didn’t open his left eye to check. Zuko felt too tired for that. He all but crumbled on the bed, not bothering to even change clothes.
There were trees all around him. The colors were muted, violetish. The fog slithered above the bluish grass, rising up to his ankles. The horrible hole ripped in his chest the previous time he visited this forest, has started to heal and was looking a lot better.

Zuko felt crippling fear freeze his body over.

There was a creature before him. Another spirit, probably. It was the same height as Zuko, headless, with a sole blue eye dangling on a stick that grew right out of it at a weird angle. Its paws were clawed, all four of them. It was standing on two, like a human, helping himself balance with a thick greenish-gray tail. Zuko tried to take a step back, but quickly realized he was paralyzed - by fear or by the creature’s powers, he had no idea.

The creature’s stomach slit open and showed rows of pearly white fangs. The creature started to talk, dripping bright-pink saliva all over itself. The mouth was moving, articulating words, but no sound came.

“What?”- Zuko asked almost hysterically. “I can’t hear you! I don’t understand what you want!”

The creature continued to talk, making no sound, the mouth twisting with emotions he could not decipher. Zuko’s fear rose higher with every second. Not understanding what you are told was bad. Very bad.

“Please let me go!”

“Hello, child!”

The spirit’s voice came the next second after the spirit itself stopped talking. Its mouth was shut now, but the sound had only started.

“I do not know how you got here, but I am sure happy with it. Look at you! So young and fresh and your blood looks so great! May I try it? Just a drop?”

The voice was coming from everywhere. Zuko still couldn’t move, trapped in place without hope. He screamed on top of his lungs, channeling an anger he did not feel at the moment:

“No! You may not try it! Leave me alone! Let me go!”

The creature started moving its mouth again. Zuko’s eyes were opened wide, anxiously following the moving lips, trying to read the words before the sound came. To no avail. But he didn’t need to wait for long this time - the message was brief. The creature stopped talking and jumped towards him, while its words thundered through the violet branches:

“I wasn’t asking you for permission!”

Zuko covered his face with his arms criss-cross. The spirit’s claws left three deep scratches on his right arm. The pain shot through him, and suddenly Zuko could move.
He fell on his back and backed away on all fours like a mice-crab, not taking his eyes off the creature that was licking his blood off its claws with its eye dreamily closed.

“So good! So fresh! So powerful! Like a sage’s, like a shaman’s, like a priest's! So good! I want more. Give me more! More!”

Groans of pleasure changed into howls of craving. Zuko turned and bolted - first on all fours, then - like a decent person escaping death at a very high pace. The branches were snapping behind him. But Zuko remembered how he got out the last time - run forward and never look back. He did just that. And soon he saw his ship.
His little crappy rust bucket. He could’ve hugged the damn thing right now.
Zuko ran right through a wall and into his cabin. Then he sat up in his bed.

His breathing was weird as if he was holding his breath for a long time, or drowning, or being choked. It was dark. He wanted to light up a fire but remembered he could not. Exiting the room and asking someone to do it for him would be too embarrassing. So, darkness then. He could see the pitch-black sky through the porthole. The storm was still going. He saw as much when he was nearing the ship just seconds ago. His right arm hurt. There were no visible wounds, no claw marks, but it hurt bad. It hurt from the inside.

Zuko took off the bandages and opened his left eye. There were no ghosts in the cabin.

Zuko curled up against the cold metal wall and cried soundlessly.

***

Ren would say she was looking at a ghost, but there were two facts speaking against that. The first being, of course, that she did not possess the ability to see ghosts. Second - that ghosts probably looked better.

Her Prince was standing on the deck with General Iroh and Lt. Jee assessing the damage done by the storm. And he didn’t look like he slept yesterday. Or ever.
Ren decided she had to do something. Something nice, that would put that almost-smile on his face again, even for a moment. Something… Oh. She had an idea.
This will take some calling in favors. And some light bullying.

Ren bared her teeth and went back under the deck.

“Hey, Tiren! Got a minute?”

***

Something was wrong with Zuko.

Sure, Iroh was aware that his nephew was going through a string of traumatic events, so it was natural for him to be closed off and broody. But this felt different.
They were standing on the deck under the blessed rays of Agni, assessing the damage. The ship was doing pretty well, considering its age and the scale of the storm they have encountered. Jee was running repair types and numbers by them. Usually, anything that was connected with money would spark the brightest interest in Zuko. He would fight like an eagle-lion for every coin as if he was afraid that Ozai will cut him off if he’s too expensive.

(Come to think of it, that was actually possible)

Either way, it was different now. Zuko was listening, but he wasn’t paying attention. And not in a I-barely-slept-I-cannot-think way. But more in a I-am-thinking-about-matters-you-cannot-even-fathom way. Iroh felt himself frown and hurried up to fix his face back into something neutral as to not give Zuko a wrong idea.

“This way she will be safe to travel wherever you need, sirs”- Jee finished and bowed his head shortly.

“Thank you, Lieutenant. We will…”-Iroh started, but Zuko suddenly spoke over him.

“She?”

He got a bit scared after that and hastily apologized to Iroh for talking over. Iroh waved it off with what he hoped was perceived as a friendly smile.
Jee cleared his throat.

“Ahm, yes, Your Highness. When we talk about ships in the Navy, we address them as “she”. It’s a tradition”

Zuko frowned.

“Oh. Uhm. I’ve been aboard for a month now, but… Sorry, I have no idea, I never bothered to ask. In the documents, the ship is registered as A-R-P-8-0-0-3. But if you call her “her”, does she… Does she have a proper name?”

Iroh smiled at that and noticed Jee mirror him with just a curl of the lips. That was such a sweet question.

“Yes, Your Highness. We call her Panda Lily”

“Why?”

Jee made a sound that could almost be a snicker.

“Because her rust stains look like the panda lily's spots”

Iroh laughed. That was a good one. His nephew frowned even harder.

“I don’t think it’s nice to say something like that. She may be rusty, but she keeps us alive and above the water. If you are going to address her as a living being, have some respect towards her, Lieutenant”

Jee gaped. Frankly, Iroh gaped as well. That’s child logic for you.

“I… I will, sir”

Zuko nodded at that with all seriousness.

“Regarding the repairs - we will do all of that. But we need to dock somewhere civilized. And we will be able to do that only once we are finished with the Temple. What can you do with what you have onboard currently?”

Iroh felt a swell of pride. Zuko was handling the conversation beautifully.

Iroh suddenly remembered Lu Ten’s first day as a captain back in the army. He looked so gorgeous in his uniform. So fierce and brave and beautiful. His little soldier boy, all grown up. His only joy. After his wife passed away, Lu Ten was the only close person he had in life.

Iroh was never close with his brother. First Ozai was too small, then too stand-offish, then just petty and cruel. Iroh did try to mend their relationship once they both were adults, but it’s difficult to mend something that was never there in the first place - especially if the other side has no desire to participate.

And Father… Well, Father was Father. Enough said.

Ursa, his brother’s wife, was a kind woman, gentle and sweet. Ozai brought her to the palace late, when Iroh’s own wife was already no more. Ursa would always agree to join Iroh for tea, whenever he was at the palace. But it was just a friendly gesture. Never anything more.

She looked so sad when she learned she was carrying her first child. Iroh remembered how odd it seemed to him then.

Iroh was away when both Zuko and Azula were born. When he came home, he met a three-year-old with attentive eyes and a one-year-old with an attitude already showing. He was thrilled to have small kids around again. He was an uncle now! But family time never lasts long when you’re at war with the whole world, and Lu Ten was finally old enough to leave his studies and join Iroh in his victorious campaigns. So they left soon.

After that, his memories of his brother’s family are fragmented. He and Lu Ten came home rarely, once a year or two years or three. There was always a big celebration, then some downtime - usually on Ember Island. Then another celebration, sort of a “good luck/goodbye” evening. And then - a new campaign.

So was it that strange really that the only person he was close with was his son?

Lu Ten was perfect. Anything he did or said, the way he looked, walked, fought, bended, gave out orders. His career in the military was developing as fast as a comet flies over the sky. And not solely due to his status as a royal, no. He deserved every raise he got. He was Iroh’s own small miracle.

And then he wasn’t.

Iroh remembers how the soldier that told him the news was shaking with both fear and grief. Remembers how no one could tell for sure under which boulder his son lied. How blood covered the ground so thickly it formed a brown-red mud crust. Iroh remembers how he searched so desperately for anything, any remains of his only child, and in the end, he picked up a piece of Lu Ten’s uniform that he now carried everywhere with him. A piece of dull-red cloth that he couldn’t be sure even belonged to his son.

The pain never went away, and now it was back almost in full power, triggered by the thoughts, crushing him where he stood. Iroh knew the tears would not come, they haven’t for years, but he still felt them under his skin.

“What do you mean?! We can't! Do! That!” - Zuko almost screeched, and with that Iroh was brought out of his musing unpleasantly.

He looked at his nephew, standing there sizzling with anger, looked at him like he was a complete stranger. He felt like a complete stranger to him at that moment.

His voice was so similar. So was his jawline, the high cheekbones, the silky black hair... But he was nothing like Lu Ten. And Iroh couldn’t even feel bad for having this thought. Lu Ten in his bright new captain uniform, his brave, smart, kind boy was standing before his eyes, so young and pure, and Iroh just couldn’t. He couldn’t stand there looking at…
At this child that was not Lu Ten.

“You must find a way! There must be!.. Uncle! Tell him there must be a way to do that!” - Zuko turned to him, and Iroh struggled to understand what this boy even wanted from him. This child that was not his.

His own child was crushed to a bloody pulp under some boulder on the foreign sandy ground.

His son was no more. He couldn’t even see him in the afterlife. He was too late, probably - no spirit would lead him to his son, no matter how hard he prayed, so he was probably already reborn by then. Iroh was too slow, and his punishment was never seeing his son again.

“Uncle?..”

Now both Zuko and Jee were looking at him. Zuko looked lost, all that righteous fury put out in a second.
Iroh sighed and try to pull himself together. He still fell foreign on the deck and in this timeline as a whole after the memory of Lu Ten so vivid before his eyes.

“I apologize, Prince Zuko, I was not listening. What were you talking about?”

“Uhm, the repairs, Uncle. We are discussing how to make the most of what we have before we can get to a decent port for maintenance. Lieutenant Jee offered to use parts of the kitchen for repairs, but then we will not have warm food aboard. No bender has enough fire to cook daily at least one meal for the whole crew. And people need warm food to stay healthy, right?”

Iroh nodded, and Zuko looked a bit more reassured.

“So I’m saying that there should be another way. But Lieutenant is saying, that this is the only option. And since I can’t think of an alternative, we are at a tie here. So, um, any input is welcome? As long as my people don’t walk around hungry, that is”

The more Zuko talked, the more anxious he sounded. And the more connected to this reality Iroh felt. He started actually thinking about the issue at hand. Which repairs Jee said were essential again?

“Hmm. Let me think for a moment, gentlemen”

Zuko was not his child.

But Iroh already decided to try and take care of him, more than a month ago, sitting among other spectators and smelling burned flesh and feeling guilt heavy in the air.
Even if he was afraid now that he was too weak for it... It was too late to back down. Wasn't it?

Chapter Text

Ren was feeling good. Really good.

She was driving four grown men like a flock of chicken-sheep before herself, time to time shouting comments when one was trying to wander off. It felt like home. There was no way they could have had chicken-sheep on their tiny island, of course. But the sentiment held.

Her timing was on point as well. Just as they emerged to the deck and prepared to stand in the middle of it aimlessly while awaiting the royals, she spotted her dear princeling. Un-royally munching on a piece of bread and staring in the distance. Ren happily approached him, still keeping an eye on her volatile flock.

“My Prince?”

The princeling jumped a bit and turned to her - all raised brow and wide eye. Then recognition fell over his face, calming everything down.

“Ren. Good morning”

Ren couldn’t keep herself from smiling.

“Good morning, my Prince, may Agni illuminate your day. I have a surprise for you!”

Prince Zuko looked behind her back - presumably at those four lost souls she gathered.

“A surprise?..”

“A nice one, don’t worry” - Ren outright grinned, then turned. “Hey, assholes! Come’re!”

Oh, this was going to be so good!

“Shut it, bitch” - answered one of the men lazyly, as the four approached them.

“Shut yourself!” - Ren answered with no real bite, and turned back to Prince Zuko, who was silently observing the interaction. “My Prince, these pieces of garbage would like to add some meaning to their existence by volunteering for you”

Prince Zuko looked at the men with disbelief.

“You… You would like to volunteer to help… at the Temple?”

The men exchanged glances, as if they weren’t sure themselves yet, then one of them barked out:

“Yessir”

Ren marveled at the way the Prince’s eye went wide, mouth slightly ajar. Schooling your features? Who’s that, her Prince does not know that person.

“Uhm… That’s… That’s great! And all four of you are benders, if I recall correctly?”

Huh, so he did remember everyone. Ren once again felt weird about it. Why would a royal take the time from his day to memorize the lowly life forms that they were? Criminals and cacti heads, all of them. Why bother?

The men she gathered seemed to have the same train of thought, judging from their faces.

“Uhm… Yessir?”

“Ok. So… Tirun, right?”

“Tiren, Your Highness. Thank you”

“Oh, sorry” - The Prince replied immediately. Then belately reacted: “Why are you thanking me?”

Ren knew why. She wondered if Tiren was going to voice it, but he simply shrugged. The Prince looked at him funny, though didn’t comment either. He proceeded to make sure he knew the names of the other three - all correct or almost correct, of course - and then explained what he had planned for the day.
Finally, he was done, and Ren could proceed with the second part of her plan.

“My Prince, a request if I may?”

He looked at her with all the seriousness of a teenager.

“Yes?”

“Since I brought these four firecrackers, there are now way too many people on the put-our-dead-to-sleep team. So I was wondering, if I could transfer to the put-dead-monks-to-sleep-team?”

Prince Zuko took a hot minute to grasp what she was talking about. But when he did, his whole face lit up.

“Of course! Great idea, Ren. And thank you for finding new volunteers”

“You’re welcome… My Prince”

Strangely, Ren felt a bit thrown back by the sincere gratitude. She did expect a thank you, but at the same time - didn’t. He was a royal. Royals were not supposed to say “thank you”.

He was strange, this disgraced prince.
Ren liked his ways better anyhow.

***

Zuko felt hopeful. For the first time since his initial journey to the Spirit world.

The feeling scared him. He remembered what losing hope felt like. He wouldn’t wish that on anyone, even himself. So, it was a lot safer to just - not hope at all, ever.
Turned out it wasn’t something he could control so easily.

Zuko turned to his right to steal a glance on the new additions to their little undertaker group. Tiren, Malo, Tai and Shu. Four firebenders. Tall men with broad shoulders and a gait typical only to sailors. All four from the south of the Nation, from fisherman villages. All four - rude, rough and smiley.
Two convicted for organizing a mutiny, one for assault of an officer, one for treasonous speeches.

“Hey, look! Wow”

“For fuck’s sake, how did they do that?..”

Zuko followed the men’s gazes. They were looking at a fresc. A beautiful one that started on eye level and went all the way up to the ceilings, tens of meters up. It really was a miracle, come to think of it.

“Airbending” - he commented.

His small team all jumped at that, as if they forgot he was around. Weird. He wasn’t that quiet, was he?

“Ah, yes, Prince Zuko is correct. The monks were known for using their bending for art. They could create music with the help of the air currents, could rise in the air and paint the highest walls, could sculpt a rock a couple of stores high. Although sculpting rocks is more of an earthbender thing” - Uncle Iroh paused for a chuckle. The sailors smiled as well. Why would it be funny? - “Another thing airbenders used their mastery for is cooking. There were thousands of recipes that could be created only by an airbender - all lost today for that very reason”

“For example, fruit pies. And lemon custard! No one can make those now. Not like we used to make them” - Zuko heard Iio say behind him.

He managed to not react. Ren said, sailors didn’t want to join because they were afraid of spirits. If he tells them that a ghost has joined in today, they might just leave out of fear. Even though Iio was the kindest person to ever live, obviously. And would never hurt a soul. Well, she couldn’t - now that she was a ghost. But she wouldn’t either!
Even so, sailors might freak out about being around a ghost and leave. And Zuko could not allow that. The Temple was huge, the bodies - countless. They needed all the help they could get.
So for now, Zuko ignored Iio’s words. He’ll apologize later.
She’ll understand.

They proceeded in silence, newcomers twisting their heads off trying to see all the pictures painted on the Temple walls. Liu and Uncle Iroh were both snickering at them, hiding their laugh in badly faked coughs. Zuko couldn’t really see what it was that they found funny. If anything, this was tragic. The descendants of the warriors who slaughtered a whole civilization were wandering around the sacred place of those slaughtered, finding joy in observing their culture. The same culture their ancestors demolished in pointless rage almost a century ago. He saw a tragedy, possibly - a piece of cruel irony. But nothing to chuckle lightheartedly at.

Maybe he wasn’t seeing what they saw. Come to think of it, he hasn't been smiling much lately in general. Maybe he was missing something.

Or people were just that cruel.

Was Liu cruel? What about Uncle?

Sure, he was the Dragon of the West. His armies bathed in muddy Earth Kingdom blood. But that was righteous war, not cruelty. He did what he had to.

Zuko almost tripped over a bone, lying right on the path, somehow away from the body it belonged to.

He caught himself in time. No one even noticed. Were they seeing the bones at all? Or were they only looking at the pretty pictures?
What about people at home, in the Fire Nation? When they visited the Museum of Sozin and looked at the sacred items brought to the mainland by the warriors as souvenirs… did they see these bones?

Zuko felt a strange chill run down his body, starting from his left shoulder.

“Please stop that, dear child. You are thinking about things that weigh too much, aren’t you? I can feel that.” - Iio’s warm voice was a gust of cold unliving wind on his disfigured earlobe.

Zuko nodded slowly. If only it was that easy - to not think.

“What happened to your arm?”

Zuko turned his head just a bit towards the sound. He felt like he would see the ghost even through the bandages and through his own burned eyelid. But he didn’t. ‘Not yet’ - ran through his mind, and the stray thought amused him.

He couldn’t answer Iio though. Not now. Not in front of the whole group. They might get scared and leave. Or… attack? Zuko didn’t trust them yet. Especially the two convicted for mutiny. Zuko would rather not engage while being as weak as he currently was.
So he kept silent. Iio didn’t say anything either. Was she cross with him now?

“Ok, people, this is where we part. Behave while you’re with the General, will ya?” - Ren stated, and Zuko felt a wave of gratitude. It was nice to have someone help shoulder the group management once in a while.

The men answered her, mostly in profanities.

“Oh, you will not join us, dear Ren?” - Uncle Iroh asked.

“No, Ren will join our team today”

Ren and Zuko began to answer at the same time, so it turned to Zuko speaking over her. He threw an apologetic glance at the woman. Father hated it when Zuko spoke to the servants or soldiers, let alone when he said “sorry” to anyone. They were royalty, they were supposed to only speak in commands. Who knew where Uncle stood on this. Better not taunt the dragon.
Ren gave him a slight nod, so they were cool. Probably.

“Oh, okay. Good luck to you three then” - Uncle Iroh answered, and with that they parted ways.

Bones, bones, bones. Bow down, pick up, three steps left, but down neatly, rise up. Stretch a bit, if no one’s watching. Three steps to the right. Repeat. Monotone work eased the mind, letting it wander around, slightly touching everything, but not dwelling on anything in particular. It was a lot like meditation, but less… boring.
Zuko found himself thinking about Mother’s death. How he was so blinded by grief he couldn’t believe his own rational mind. Why was he still hoping she was alive, even after all these years? Mom would never leave them. Thinking that she ran away to save herself, and was now living somewhere safe, was… cruel towards her. Mom would never leave them. She could not be alive.
Father despised and hated Zuko, and liked Azula only as a soulless tool, a valuable pai sho piece. But Mom loved them. She loved them both. She was dead now, but at least Zuko had that feeling to keep. And it wasn’t a small thing, was it?

“So, what happened to that arm, Zuko?”

Iio’s question caught him off guard, so Zuko absentmindedly answered:

“A spirit. He thought my blood was delicious. Good thing I can run fast, even when I’m in the Spirit world”

“My Prince?..”

Zuko turned and saw Liu and Ren both looking at him.

“Oh, sorry. It’s just Iio… uhm… A ghost, she’s a ghost. Of an airbender. She was a nun here. And Iio asked me what happened, so I told her. Don’t look too much into it”

“A ghost asked you… Wait. Did you just say that a spirit wanted your blood?!”

Zuko nodded. Why did Ren sound so… worried? Was she afraid she could get attacked too?

“When?!”

“Last night. But don’t worry, he won’t attack anyone else, I’m pretty sure about it. He attacked me because I somehow wandered into the Spirit world in my sleep. He is not of this world”

Ren shook her head.

“I’m not worried for me, I’m not afraid of spirits or whatever. I am worried for you. Are you ok?”

“Did it hurt you?” - Liu chimed in. He looked sad.

“Just a scratch on the forearm. Not on my physical body, on… uhm… the other one” - Agni, this was difficult to explain. - “It’s ok, it’s not even bleeding anymore. Right, Iio?”
Iio answered him with a slight delay.

“Actually, it does a bit”

Mother of Faces.

“What did she say?” - Liu asked.

Zuko looked at him.

“She said it is healing”

Zuko left it at that, returning to work. Liu and Ren looked like they had more questions, but hey - they weren’t going to pry on a royal, were they? Soon the room sank into compassionate silence again.

“What do you mean, he thought your blood was delicious? What did he say?”

Zuko sighed audibly.

“Ren, Liu, sorry, I’m going to talk to Iio a bit”

“It’s ok, Your Highness. We will try our best to not listen in” - Liu answered, and Zuko noded to him, amused by the respect he was offered.

“Thanks”

Zuko thought a bit, then carefully unwrapped his left eye. If this was going to be a conversation, he would rather see the other party. He was greeted by the sight of dozens of ghosts sitting around the room, watching the living work. Were they here the whole time? The thought was unnerving.

Iio was sitting in front of him in a comfortable lotus position, a bit hunched over, probably because of her age. It made her look even friendlier than she did already. Zuko felt his irritation at having to postpone the work for empty talking slowly dissipated.

He didn’t sit down though, opting to at least try to talk and work simultaneously.

“So, the spirit… He was talking strange. He would say the whole piece he intended, but there would be no sound - only the lips moving. Then after he would finish, the sound would come. And I couldn’t move at first, like it was a bad dream. But it wasn’t a dream! Because I was thinking, and feeling everything, and… It was real, I was just frozen for some reason.”

Remembering was making his skin crawl. Zuko paused for a while. He was glad Iio did not rush him.

“So, he said my blood was… Like a priest’s blood? And he was sure it would be tasty. I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because I have royal blood, and the first Fire Lord was the strongest of the Fire Sages, so the royal blood is also Sage blood, I guess…”

Pick up a bone, put it with the others, make sure it lies there nicely, ignore the gazes of the ghosts following your every move and word, focus on the work. Focus on Iio’s attentive eyes.

“He asked if he could try my blood, I said ‘no’, he said he wasn’t asking me - so someone else must have been listening in. And that someone must have given the permission, because the next second I was attacked. I was able to block, he scratched my arm, suddenly I could move - so I bolted. And then I returned to my body.” - Zuko finished. Then added in a low voice, as privately as he could manage: “The arm does still throb a bit, though.”

“I’m so sorry” - said Iio.

Zuko shrugged.

“Not the most painful nor scary encounter of my life. I’ll be fine”

Ren sighed. Zuko decided not to look at her.

“I never heard of a spirit preying on a human before. I will ask the other monks, hope someone knows what it is”

“Yeah, ok. Thank you, Iio”

“It’s the least I can do for you, Zuko. I would love to do more”

“You don’t need to, really. I’m not worth it” - Zuko answered without much thinking and picked up another bone.

Liu cleaned his throat loudly. Was he getting a cold? Non-benders were prone to catching cold, weren’t they?

Iio shook her head.
“Zuko, we talked about this. You are worthy of love and compassion as much as any other being here. And whether one shows them to you or not - depends on the other person. You did nothing wrong. You are worthy of love”

Zuko felt tears building up and bit his inner cheek hard. Why was it always so hard to listen, when she said things like that?
And… Did she really mean them?

Zuko looked at Iio. She didn’t have a smirk on, like Azula would when she was saying something nice only to verbally (or literally) shove him down the stairs moments later. No, Iio had a kind, sad, motherly smile on her face. She looked like she was telling the truth.

“I have no idea what she answered, but you are worthy of whatever she wants to do for you, Prince Zuko. Agni damn it, you are” - Ren said suddenly.

In the silence of the room her voice boomed like thunder. Zuko flinched a bit, not expecting that, and a broken piece of bone he was holding cut his hand. He squicked undignified and dropped it. Bright red blood, the same exact color as the ornament on his armour, fell down and painted the bone with splashy dots.

“My Prince! I’m so sorry!” - Ren rushed to him.

“I’m fine, Ren, just..”

“Let me see!” - she interrupted, as if they were equals, and took his hand in hers.

A moment after, Ren yelped and jumped away from him, like a spooked wheasel-cat.

“What’s happening?! Who are they?!”

“What are you talking about?” - Liu was trying to approach Ren, looking where she was pointing and seeing bones and empty walls. “There’s nothing there, sis”

“There are people there! They are glowing!!”

Zuko couldn’t believe his eyes. Ren was pointing at the ghosts.

“How… How are you able to see them?”

Now Liu was looking at Zuko, more scared than confused.

“Your Highness?”

“Do you see them too, Prince Zuko?! Are those the ghosts you were talking with?”

“They are.”- Zuko answered.

“Butter my ass and call me a biscuit” - whispered Ren.

Zuko slowly nodded, not agreeing with the wording, but sharing the sentiment. Why was she seeing them? Ren did not enter the Spirit World, there is no way…

Pit. Pat. Pat. Pit.

Zuko looked down at the small dripping sound. Right. The blood. He had a handkerchief somewhere…

Blood.

His blood on Ren’s hands.

“Liu. Come here”

Liu readily approached.

“I need to run an experiment. Give me your hand”

Zuko carefully took the offered hand and left a line of his blood over it. Liu immediately squicked and pulled his hand away, while looking around horrified.

“You see them too now, don’t you? So, it really is all because of blood”

Zuko marveled at the sight of two of his sailors seeing the ghosts for the first time. Truth be told, they were taking it a bit better than he first did. Ren already didn’t look as terrified. She was coming to carefully examine the monks.
The latter also looked intrigued. Zuko wondered if his crewmates could now talk to the dead airbenders too.
Crewmates? Could he call them that if he was their Prince and Captain?

“This is so fucking loony” - Ren said and gigled like a small child.

Liu nodded, rubbing his hands hard. Then he made an amused noise.

“Hey, guess what. If you get the blood off of yourself, you stop seeing them”

“Makes sense” - Zuko muttered.

“Do they hear us?”

Zuko looked at Iio, then back at the living. Ren did not react.

“No, I don’t think so”

“It’s only sight then. Strange”

He nodded. Liu came up to him with a cloth and awkwardly handed it to him.

“Here, Your Highness. Sorry, I, uh… This is way too strange for me, I don’t want to see them again. Not that I’m afraid, just…”

“It’s unsettling. I understand” - Zuko took the cloth, examined it closely and decided it was clean enough. He pressed it hard against the cut. If only it was this easy to stop the one on his spiritual forearm from bleeding as well.
Interesting enough, the cut was on the same hand as the spirit’s scratch. Weird coincidence.

“Ok, people, let’s get back to work please. We don’t have that much time”

“Aye-aye” - Liu answered and got to work, casting nervous glances to the walls.

Ren got to work too. But Zuko noticed she did not clean his blood off her hand. He should pay attention to that. Will the effect stop once the blood is dry? Or will it persist as long as it’s on her? Must it touch open skin, or would it work the same if gotten on one’s clothes? Zuko checked the cut and carefully bandaged it.
Well, at least now two more people know for a fact that he is not mad. That was nice, he guessed.

Chapter Text

Days flew by, full of work - but never burdened by it. Their little undertaker group grew bigger. Mostly the put-our-people-to-sleep group - almost every firebender was part of it now. People took turns to help with the pyres. But the Dead Monks Squad, as Ren called it, grew as well - they had three new members, and Zuko felt pretty good about the progress they were making, even just the six of them. As for the group name that Ren chose, Zuko felt it was… tacky. But also strangely catchy. Before he knew it, the whole ship was calling them that. The icing on this cake was when Uncle called them that to Zuko’s face. Then caught on to himself and actually went red. Zuko snickered at the memory. Who knew Uncle could get embarrassed like any other human being?

At some point bones kind of… stopped being bones? Zuko figured he was right about the pain thing - the initial shock of having to deal with toddler skeletons helped them grow a thicker skin. Now, child or adult bones were not as horrifying. Zuko wasn’t sure if that was a good thing, but it was what it was. As Jinju told him once, sometimes it's better to just accept the reality for what it is.

“I thought I would find you here”

Zuko turned and was met with Uncle’s attentive gaze. The sun was still low, barely coloring the Temple’s walls. The small particles of dust were dancing in the fragile pale rays. You could hear the birds start the first quiet songs somewhere in the forest outside the greeting hall.

“Good morning, Uncle. Did you sleep well?”

“Quite well, Nephew, thank you”

Uncle sat down heavily near Zuko. He righted himself, then looked before them, to the wall fresco Zuko was hypnotizing a minute ago. They sat in silence for a while, each thinking their own.

“I don’t think it’s a good idea to come here alone, Prince Zuko. The Temple is old and unkempt. What if a stone falls, or the floor gives in? I would strongly recommend you take someone with you”
Uncle was speaking carefully - as if he was threading a swamp, waters full of cat crocs. Zuko didn’t like the feeling. He must have made a face or something, because Tashi quietly commented from his left:
“The guy is just worried for you. Don’t read too much into it. He’s just being a reasonable adult”
Yeah, like those exist. Zuko exhaled and tried to clean his mind of prejudice. He promised to try and create a more positive worldview for himself. He promised to his friends, so he must at least try. Not everyone was out to get him, Iio said. Even if life keeps proving it again and again... Zuko exhaled once more. And tried for a voice as neutral and leveled, as Uncle’s.
“I will try to, Uncle. But today it was too early to bring anyone out of bed. And I promise I am being careful”
“But Prince Zuko, the walls…” - Uncle started with the same oh-so-patient voice.
“I’m even sitting at the very entry, what else do you wish for?!”
Yep, so much for a leveled voice. Zuko felt something in him simmering. Maybe his fire wasn’t hidden that deep after all. Zuko looked to the side, still too irritated to apologize. He came here in the lights of dawn to meditate and talk to his friends, not to listen to a lecture about how reckless he is, damn it. Uncle wasn’t talking either. Hopefully, he’ll feel cross enough to leave.
Zuko felt so much guilt at that thought, he felt his throat close up. Agni damn it.
Uncle exhaled loudly, just like Zuko did before speaking. He was sitting on Zuko’s right, so he could see how Uncle’s exhale was a whitish gust of light smoke. If he concentrated, Zuko could feel Uncle’s inner fire dancing just under his ribcage. He felt slightly jealous at that.
No one broke the silence. It felt too late to say an apology, so Zuko decided to just sit and wait it out. He felt Iio appear to his left. Zuko was getting much better with the ghost-seeing thing.
“Do you come here every morning?” - Uncle Iroh asked.
Zuko turned to him.
“Uhm, yes. Mostly”
“Why?”
Zuko looked at the floor, at the worn-out mosaic covering it in beautifully intricate patterns. Why did he come here?
“It’s peaceful. Meditating here feels much more… healing”
Zuko didn’t notice, but Iroh’s brows shot up at that answer. He parted his lips as to ask something, to make sure he heard it right maybe, but then stopped himself. Zuko was still not looking at him. But he wasn’t looking at the floor either now. His distracted gaze fell on the fresco. The one with a nun and her children. All laughing happily. A few days ago, in an early morning similar to this one, Zuko washed the scorch marks off the picture - they came off surprisingly easily. So now he could look at it without recoiling internally. It didn’t look like a cemetery to him anymore. Just a happy picture about the days before the War.
“They were an interesting culture, weren’t they” - said Uncle. He was looking at the fresco as well. Zuko nodded.
“A shame they are not around anymore” - Uncle continued, side-eyeing Zuko as if trying to read him. That looked like a test.
A traitor test.
Zuko froze for a moment. He still had no idea where Uncle stood and what his thoughts on the Air Nomad genocide were. No idea how cruel he could be. No idea what his real intentions towards Zuko were. This was dangerous.
Zuko was so tired of ‘dangerous’.
He looked Uncle right in the eye and said:
“Did you have breakfast? We should probably eat before starting the work again”
Uncle Iroh looked away.
Zuko felt victorious. ***
About two more weeks passed, and Zuko went around without bandages more and more now. He noticed he wasn’t seeing the ghosts all the time - but only when he was actively thinking about them. Still, knowing that at any given moment you are surrounded by at least a dozen dead people was… very unnerving. He began having trouble sleeping. Even though Zuko knew that ghosts can’t harm him, that they are not physically manifested in this world, he just - couldn’t make himself sleep while surrounded by them. The only option now was for Iio or Tashi, or Jinju, or Pasu to be around - then Zuko could sleep, knowing his friend is looking out for him. What will he do when his friends move on to a better life - Zuko had no idea. He tried not to think about that too much.
And maybe that was one of the reasons Zuko still couldn’t bring himself to perform the rites for the Air nomads. He and the Dead Monk Squad already covered nearly half of the Temple, setting the bones in one place neatly, ready for grinding. But they didn’t do a single ritual. Because Zuko was afraid.
He was afraid he would get everything wrong and the ghosts would get bound to earth forever. Or - that they will just disappear into nothing, no new lives or afterlife heaven. So whenever they would finish a room, he would just order the team to move to the next one.
The ghosts were getting restless, he felt it in his skin. They followed his every move, dead eyes trained on him and his crew - the living that were touching the century-old bones, disrupting the heavy forced peace of a Temple turned cemetery. Sometimes Zuko heard some of them start whispering profanities and insults at his back for trying something he is surely not good enough for. Their ghostly peers usually stopped these voices pretty fast, but Zuko still heard them. They were slowly seeping under his skin. Making themselves home in his unconscious mind. He started seeing them in the mirrors - disappointed, angry, vicious transparent faces, smokelike glowing hand shapes reaching out to him, desperate to touch living flesh. Iio and other friendly ghosts stayed close, sensing his fear, but couldn’t understand what was wrong. Once, when he told Iio about a particularly harsh whisper he heard, Iio answered with worry that she didn’t hear anyone.
Zuko feared he was going insane.
He closed up. Stopped talking to anyone, afraid to let on that he was not in his right mind. No one will follow the orders of a crazy man. And if he will not be able to give out orders, if he falls out of what little piece of power he still has… Zuko wasn’t sure he would survive. The thoughts felt like bugs under his skin, and Zuko kept catching himself on the intent to just rip the skin off and let the bugs out, so that the torture will be finally over.
It was an evening like every other, or rather closer to the nighttime, when he understood that he needed help. Zuko was standing before a mirror, putting some herbal cream on the burn. The burn was scarring ugly, but fast, which was good. It didn’t seem inflated. So far he could say he was pretty lucky.
The skin still was an angry deep red, color similar to vein blood. The burned eye looked blind, gold faded into yellowish white. Zuko was gently applying the cream on his eyelid when he saw an angry-looking transparent face right beside him.
“You are torturing us! You are worse than your kind, they killed us and maimed us but never lied, you are lying you will help and then do nothing! Touch us and give us hope and then just rip it all out! Cursed be Fire!”
Zuko turned around as fast as possible, phoenix tail whipping the burned side painfully, but he saw no one. There wasn’t a single ghost in the room.
“Cursed be Fire! Cursed be Fire! Cursed be Fire!” was being chanted from everywhere, not a single person in sight.
He wanted to scream at them, to tell them to shut up, but those were Air nomad ghosts, must be them, his people killed them, he shouldn’t scream at them, they were just victims, they are innocent, his people are to blame, he is to blame, it’s all Zuko’s fault, it’s always Zuko’s fault, he always ruins everything he touches, it’s all his fault, it’s all his fault, it’s all..!
Zuko came to with the sound of glass breaking. The mirror shards were on the floor, his forming scar weeping from being clawed at, his blind eye - black, pupil blown vide, iris the thinnest line. His hands were covered in blood, small pieces of the mirror glistening pretty in the low light of the candle, that miraculously enough stayed lit. Suddenly Zuko felt violently ill and had to sit down on the floor.
“I need help”
Power could not aid him here. For the first time ever the danger was not coming from other people. It was inside. This was new, and it terrified him to no end. He needed someone outside of his mind to help him, but who? Who did he trust enough to allow them this close?
It would be weird to talk about this… fear of ghosts or whatever - with, you know, a ghost. So Iio and others were out.
They still were on very neutral grounds with Uncle (not counting that one outburst at the door of his room about a month ago), so he didn’t really feel like opening up this much to him.
Liu? Ren? Teon? Zuko still wasn’t sure about them. They seemed to really care about him, but - why? What was their motive?
Zuko suddenly found that he did not trust anyone enough to talk. The only ones he more or less trusted were the ghosts - because they could not hurt him. He couldn’t trust someone who was alive. Living people were always cruel. Were they not?
“Iio…” - Zuko whispered with the same despair he used to call for Mom on a bad night, knowing she is long gone and will never answer. “Someone… Please help me…”
The trees were violet again.
***
The trees were violet. The grass was blue. Everything seemed muted as if covered by fog, and very quiet. Too quiet. Ren didn’t like it. The forest didn’t look dead to her, a place like this should be full of life, even at night. Why was there no sound? Ren tried to ignite a small fire in her palm to look around, but… no fire came.
What was wrong with her bending?! Ren tried, again and again, all to no avail. The silence was starting to get on her nerves.
No bending, no sounds - what the Koh is wrong with this forest?! And how did she even get here?!
She was on the ship a minute ago! How did she…
Wait a hot second.
No bending.
No sounds.
Muted colors.
That’s exactly how the Prince described the Spirit World. What the fuck.
“What the fuck” - said Ren.
“Indeed” - answered a raspy voice from her right.
Ren whipped around and stared at the royal child, sitting cross-legged on the bluish grass. Did he just observe how she was freaking out all this time? Wait, was he real? Or was she dreaming him up? Was this all… real? The child looked very much done with the spirit shit. So, probably real. Either way, was Ren happy to see him!
“My Prince! What is happening? How under Agni’s rays did we get to the Spirit World? This is the Spirit World, right?”
Prince Zuko exhaled heavily and looked to the side. He looked guilty, Ren wondered why.
“Yes, it is. If I had to guess, I would say that I accidentally wandered into the Spirit World again, but this time I took you with me for some reason. No idea why” - he said, and then added in a quieter voice, - “Sorry about that”
“It’s fine, Highness”, - Ren just brushed it off. The kid didn’t seem to have that much control over it. So no one was guilty here.
Then again, Ren felt like that wasn’t the whole truth. It seemed the Prince knew why he brought her with, even if all of this was an accident. But didn’t wish to tell. Why?
She took a look around again. Ren was a seasoned sailor herself, she saw half the world, but never has she seen anything quite like it. Everything seemed real and unreal at the same time. The majestic trees, the tall flowers strange in form and color, the heavy fog slithering around her ankles. Ren kicked at it, but the fog barely parted, its tissue coming back together the very moment her foot stilled.
“All of this gives me the creeps. How do we get out?”
“We just need to go any way we like and not look back. This is how you get out of the Spirit World”
“So easy?” - Ren asked. Even her own voice felt like she was dreaming, but at the same time - she knew she was not. Shivers.
“Not that easy when you hear and see the spirits. Believe me, they can be very distracting” - Prince Zuko stood up and came closer to her. Ren suddenly noticed how his blind eye looked as gold and functioning as the good one, here in the Spirit World. “But we will manage. Don’t worry, I’ll get you out of here. I’m sorry you got here in the first place”
“It’s fine, My Prince, really. Hey, at least I’ll have something fun to tell my friends about on a drunken night, am I right?”
Her Prince almost-smiled and nodded.
“Yeah”
They started walking. Ren was trying her best to not look around, but when she caught something red with the corner of her eye, she had to see what it was.
“Why are you bleeding?!”
Prince Zuko slightly jumped at her shout and looked at her, frowning.
“What?”
“Your arm!”
The Prince looked at the limb in question, his frown disappearing in understanding.
“Oh, that. Huh. Strange. That’s the same scratch that spirit left me. The one that liked my blood, remember? Wonder why it didn't close”
He was talking in such an easy, calm manner, it made Ren’s skin crawl. How in the world could someone be this calm about such matters?! Ren looked at her Prince’s face, searching for any signs of worry, but there were none. Did he even realize what was happening to him?..
“My Prince, do you mean to say you were going around with an open, actively bleeding wound for almost a month?” - she asked carefully.
Prince Zuko gave that an honest thought.
“Well, when you put it that way… But it isn’t physical, it’s not like I’m losing real blood, right? I mean…”
“Are you out of your mind?!!”
They both stopped in their tracks, startled by the disrespect that just occurred. Ren not only interrupted a royal - which already was a horrible misdeed - but she allowed herself to address him as an equal, no, worse than that - as a foolish child. She wanted to apologize, but found herself too terrified to speak - she just moved her mouth with no sound, like a fish. Prince Zuko seemed to be at a loss as well. Finally, he found it in himself to utter:
“Well, that’s a first”
He cleared his throat then. Ren did not know where to look.
She was so getting executed once they were back. And this time she actually deserved it.
Ren took a deep breath, then exhaled, shooing the fear away. Since she was 100% gonna die tomorrow, she might as well finish what she started. She was a navy woman, after all. The Navy did not back down. She closed her eyes for a moment, gathering up her thoughts, then opened them and looked her Prince right in the face.
“Prince Zuko, I apologize for speaking out of turn, and I understand the consequences. But I cannot keep silent. Even if I will see my pyre first thing in the morning, I must say - going around wounded is not ok. We don’t know how wounds of… of Spirit World affect you in our world. What if they mess with your very spirit? With your heart? Or, um, with your mind? I won’t speak for the crew, but I will speak for myself. I follow your orders and I help at the Temple under your command. I would like to be sure that my Prince and Captain is as healthy and strong as possible. I would like to be sure that he takes care of himself at least as much as he takes care of us.” Ren took a breath and then repeated once more. “I understand the consequences, but I must say this, my prince. Someone should say this”
She finished her words, not breaking eye contact. The Prince looked startled at the beginning, then almost furious, but now his sizzling turned to thoughtfulness. Ren was sincerely surprised that he did not try to interrupt her even once. She saw that he had interjections, had emotions, but he still let her finish the talk. That was strange. To receive this much attention and respect from a commander - that was crazy strange.
Almost as strange as this spirits-damned forest.
“Ok” - Prince Zuko finally spoke, and that was all he said. Ren waited out for a hot minute to hear if there was going to be more, but the royal kept silent.
“Ok?” - she repeated, voice hoarse all of a sudden.
“Yeah” - Prince Zuko shrugged. “Okay. As in, I heard your arguments and I am thinking about them. Although I have no idea how to dress a wound received in the Spirit World, even if I wanted to do something with it”
“Maybe I could help?”
Ren looked towards the new voice. There stood an old woman, dressed like an Air nomad nun, with her hair partially shaved off and those strange blue arrows tattooed on her hands and forehead. Is that a spirit?
“Avatar Yangchen?” - Prince Zuko asked under his breath.
That was the Avatar?! Weren’t they supposed to be a man this time? Wait, if she is here and all glowy, doesn’t that mean that the Avatar is dead? So their quest is impossible? Or did the Avatar get reborn again?
“Hello, children of Fire" The woman (Avatar?) smiled at them. Was it good or bad that she was calling them children of Fire? Like, Fire killed her people, so... Could they try to pretend to be Earth to get out of trouble? Lie about being from colonies and getting drafted? Yeah, no fucking way was the Prince lying about who he is. Ren knew the kid that much. Ok, no lying, no bending. Did martial arts work in the Spirit World? "I think I heard about you, Little Flame. Would you care to join me for some tea?”
“...Sure. If Ren may come as well”
Say what? Ren looked at the Prince with poorly concealed terror. One thing was meeting her last pyre in the morning. The other was playing mental games with an Avatar in their own home - the freaking Spirit World. But the Prince looked decisive.
“She may”, - The Avatar answered after a minute of thought. - “But are you sure? I would like to talk to you”
“I am not leaving my people unattended in a dangerous place. Spirit World is highly dangerous for the living. So it’s either me getting Ren back to the ship and then returning to you, or Ren joining us in whatever conversation you wish us to have. I will not leave her alone here”
Well, Ren did not want to stay in the spooky forest alone, that’s for sure. But she didn’t want no spirit tea either. Can’t they just return to the ship and pretend none of this ever happened?
The Avatar smiled at the Prince and gave a light nod.
“Be it so then”
For the love of Agni. Ren was going to have a ghostly tea party with a Prince and an Avatar in the middle of the Spirit World. Yeah, why not. Mom, you watching?
Somehow this seemed scarier than the morning execution.
Oh well. She'll be dead soon, might as well start getting used to the climate. The Prince signed for her to follow the Avatar, and then slowed down a bit so that Ren would catch up to him. He sneaked a side glance at her. And then Ren felt a hand on her wrist. In the corner of her mind she wondered, how did she feel it - wasn’t there supposed to be no feeling in the Spirit World? The Prince’s touch felt oddly real. Grounding.
“This is Yangchen, she was the Avatar many centuries ago. She is of Air, and was greatly celebrated by her people as the kindest and most spiritual Avatar. We are granted a big honor. Don’t worry, all will be fine”
Ren smiled at his worried whisper:
“Okay”
“And even if something goes wrong, I promise I will be there to protect you. I promise you will be ok, Ren”
“Thank you, My Prince” - Ren answered. She would probably feel offended if those words were coming from a grown man - she can protect herself just fine, thank you very much. But coming from a child barely turned teenager, they were simply sweet to her.
“You’re welcome. That’s what royalty does, we protect our people” - Prince Zuko commented. And then added to himself, in less than a whisper: “Or at least what we’re supposed to do”
Ren raised a brow at that remark but didn’t have enough time to comment - the Avatar stopped before them. They came onto a nice aquarelle greenish-blue clearing. In the middle of the clearing there stood a low table, some sitting pillows lying around it. A big-belly terracotta teapot sat on the table, three teacups surrounding it. The Prince looked around, as if taking in a crowded room, then hesitantly nodded to someone. Ren didn’t see a soul, but still gave the clearing a light bow, just in case.
“Please, sit with me” - the Avatar said and gestured to the table.
They sat down, and the Avatar proceeded to pour them tea in an uneasy silence. Ren didn’t know where to look. Prince Zuko was a bit antsy too. He sat at the table in a perfect seiza, back straight like a fishing rod, hands carefully folded in his lap, eyes trained on the teapot. But she could feel the anxious energy buzzing off him.
“First thing’s thirst. My name is Yangchen, I was the Avatar from the Air Nomads before the current Air Nomad Avatar. Now I am living among spirits, looking after the Spirit World as much as I can and giving advice to the new Avatar incarnations” - The avatar put the teapot down and smiled at them. Ren decided that she liked her smile. She kinda looked like Ren’s auntie, old and wise and most of all - calm. Ren hasn’t seen auntie since she was enlisted. Wasn’t even sure if the woman was still alive.
“It is an honor to meet you, Avatar Yangchen. I am Prince Zuko of the Fire Nation, son of Firelord Ozai and Lady Ursa, grandson of Firelord Azulon” - Prince Zuko bowed lightly. It was a pretty deep bow - for a Prince of blood. A bow that suggested that he was in the presence of his better. The Prince hesitated then, but added in a lower voice, - “I am deeply sorry for what the Royal Family has done to your people. The Spirits told me I am to atone for that… that massacre. I do not see how one person, even with his whole life offered up, could ever recompense something like that. But I promise I am only trying to do right by you and your people”
“And I thank you for that” - Avatar Yangchen slightly bowed her head. “What about you, daughter of Fire?”
Now both of them were looking at Ren, making her face lit up. Could you go red in the face in the Spirit World? If not, she was probably breaking the record right now.
“I am.. My name is Ren, of Ma'inka Island. Daughter of Silan and Casca. I am in the Fire Nation Navy”
Avatar Yangchen bowed at her as well. Ok, that seemed to go well.
“Now, Prince Zuko, if I may…” - The Avatar made a move as to take the Prince’s hand, and he readily obliged.
She inspected the deep scratches on his forearm.
“How did you acquire those wounds?”
Prince Zuko swallowed thickly and looked to the side.
“A spirit gave them to me. They decided my blood was… delicious, for some reason”
The Avatar frowned.
“Yes, I’ve heard of those. The disbalance in the human world is worsening, it is starting to affect the Spirit World as well. It has driven some spirits to lose their minds and become... become something more akin to monsters”
“The spirits are turning into monsters?!” - Ren could not keep her voice low. Prince Zuko threw a few short anxious looks around.
“Mutating rather. Like fish in a poisoned river” - he then commented briskly, and the avatar noded to him. “That’s rather worrying”
“It is indeed, Prince Zuko. Both Worlds are in great need of help. And at a time like this, there is no Avatar”
There is… no Avatar? Ren turned to her Prince. She wanted to meet his eyes, to make sure he understands what this Avatar is saying. She wanted him to say that everything is going to be fine after all. But Prince Zuko was not taking his eyes off the Avatar Yangchen, stunned in silence. In a moment that felt like hours, he finally snapped out of it and asked in a very quiet voice:
“What?”