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Chapter Text

It was still dark outside, Louis could tell by the lack of sunshine gleaming through his curtains. Winter wasn’t his best time, his mood would often reflect the weather. At the moment that was bleak and glum. Sometimes a little frosty and blue. On his good days, there would be a little joy and red rosy cheeks, hands being warmed by a steaming cuppa. Today definitely wasn’t the latter. Managing to heave his heavy bones out of bed and pull on his comfiest dressing gown, he padded down the stairs barefoot too lazy to find his slippers. He’s met with Zayn, standing in the kitchen already dressed and looking fresh.

Zayn looked up from where he was standing, expression softening as he looked at the smaller man. “Hey, morning Lou.”

“Morning Zee. work?” Louis wrapped his arms around Zayn’s waist, taking in his scent of stale cigarettes. Familiar, smelling like home.

Sighing, Zayn gave a nod, pouring boiling water into Louis’ favourite mug for him.

“Yup. Got a couple of new starts today. To tell you the truth Lou, not a single part of me can't be arsed.”

Louis scoffed at that, softly shaking his head. “Och shut your trap, maybe you’ll meet someone who tickles your fancy” He teased, taking the mug Zayn made him.

A look of warning was shot in louis’ direction.

“Right Lou, that’s me off, behave yourself, I’ll be home to make dinner at 6. Make sure you eat, but please don’t burn down my kitchen. Yeah?”

“Yes Mama, I will take good care of myself, don’t you worry.” Sticking out his tongue playfully.

“Sure, see you later babe.” Bending down to kiss Louis’ temple and ruffle his already messy bed head, before heading to the door..

Sighing, Louis wonders what he’s going to do with his day.

Two weeks prior, he had been living about a half hours drive away. He had shared a small flat above a bakery with his then at the time, long term boyfriend. He and Nathan had been together for six long, lonely years. Yes lonely.

He and Nathan had met in their University’s Halls, they stayed right across from each other, Nathan studying Business Management, and himself, fashion and photography. Now, Louis could tell you some long romantic stories of how their relationship was love at first sight, how they got lost in each other's eyes from the start and spent sundays lazing in bed snuggling each other. But that would be a flatout lie. Louis had only ever dated girls before, meaning Nathan was his first and so far his only. It had started out relatively sweet, more of a best friends kind of bond than anything else. Louis had then started to question his sexuality. It was the little things, like Nathan holding the dip of his waist in clubs and bars, almost possessive, cuddling on the couch watching movies. Before Louis knew it, they were having passionate sex and being that sickly sweet couple everyone loved but rolled their eyes at.

6 months down the line, changes were happening. Ones that Louis didn't particularly like. Comments about his appearance and personality that would hit him deep in the chest. But no matter how hurt he was, how far out the window his self esteem had gone, Louis loved Nathan and he was convinced Nathan loved him too.

Five and half years later, Louis was sitting alone, sleeping in his best friend’s flat, utterly devastated, heartbroken and more or less, feeling like shit.

Deciding to go out and take some photos to cheer himself up, Zayn’s voice came into his head reminding him to eat breakfast. He munched on some cheerios and checked his phone, scrolling aimlessly down his Instagram feed. And there it was, he knew it was coming but actually seeing it was an entirely different story. Nathan had his arm around a tall, slim man. Gorgeously tanned, biceps bulging and perfectly straight white teeth gleaming at Louis, taunting him. The photo was captioned with something sickly sweet that only made Louis nausea worsen. It had been less than a month and Nathan had already found someone else. Someone who had everything Louis didn't. Long, lean legs, slim, toned build, dazzling straight teeth. No wrinkles, no pudginess, no freckles - just clear glowy skin and abs.

If Louis could feel worse about himself he would, but fortunately he was already at Rock bottom.

****

“Fuck sake Harry, move your arse.”

“Excuse me Liam, I am taking my time, the icing needs to be perfect”

“Och shut your trap Harold, you're too clumsy to obtain cupcake perfection.” Shaking his head, Liam went to serve their next customer, ignoring Harry’s scoff.

“Oh hi Nathan. Not seen you in a while. How's our Lou then? It’s usually him to do the morning tea run.”

Harry’s ears perked at the mention of Louis. Actually, thinking about it, he hadn't seen Louis in a while. At least a few weeks had gone by which was bizarre. He continued icing but concentrated at eavesdropping on whatever Nathan had to say.

“Oh. Right well, actually me and Louis broke up. He uh, he left me about a month ago. Only just managed to get myself out of bed to tell you the truth. Suppose it’s just the way life goes..” there was a silence for a few seconds where nathan picked up his coffee from the counter. “Nice to see ya Liam, catch you later.” And with that, he wafted out the door and presumably back up to his flat.

“Did you hear that Haz? That’s Nathan saying he and Louis broke up, or rather, Louis left him? Bit out of the blue don't you think? Louis always seemed too sweet to hurt anyone...Quiet wee thing he was” Liam had his brows furrowed clearly in deep thought.

“Yeah I heard, I don’t know Li, there was always something odd about those two. Louis always seemed too timid for his own good, maybe it’s for the best.”

Liam didn’t say anything, just nodding his head in response, processing Harry’s words.

****

Louis felt no better. Infact, he felt worse. He had managed to drag himself out from his hiding nest to go for a pee and make a cup of tea, but that’s as far as his body would take him. Hearing the front door slam he knew he was about to deal with the wrath of his best friend for wallowing in his sadness all day, failing to take care of himself.

“Bebz? Don't tell me you’re still in bed-” He curled his blanket around him at seeing the disappointment in Zayn’s face.

“Lou baby, you were doing so well...What's wrong?” Climbing into bed beside his best friend, he pulled Louis into his chest, taking in the wracks of his sobs, thumbing his soft bicep in attempts of comfort.

“Come on, talk to me boo? What’s happened?” Louis couldn't speak, he was embarrassed and hurting, Zayn would figure it out later anyway when he would see Nathan's post on instagram. Understanding Louis wasn’t going to open up, he held the smaller man even tighter to his chest whilst running his fingers through his feathery brown hair (That was still not brushed) “Oh baby, he got you good didn't he..”

After some time, he felt Louis sniffles lessen his breathing evening out letting small puffs of air from his slightly rounded cheeks. His best friend had always been a little chubby, especially since he had been living above a bakery, but he had lost some weight after his breakup with Nathan. He wasn’t sure if it was insecurity or heartbreak that had made Louis' appetite disappear, probably a mixture of both. Regardless, it was upsetting to see Louis’ spark fizzle out, to see him physically shrink and push his meals away.

Zayn and Louis had had constant arguments involving getting Louis to see a therapist. Louis didn’t let his walls down easy, not even with Zayn, he refused all suggestions of talking to a professional claiming “There is no need, there’s nothing wrong with me.”

Zayn was resilient though, and there was no way he would give up on his best friend. He didn't know what Louis' relationship with Nathan had been like, he had barely seen him during the last 5 years, he had noticed how quiet and reserved he had become, at first he put that down to Louis growing up, but now he wasn’t so sure. “Come on bebz, get that arse of yours in the shower, I’m going to make us some dinner.”

Louis managed to shift himself out of bed, going to his ensuite and stripping down. Now, Louis wasn’t totally ashamed of his looks. But he also knew fine well he was nothing to be envied or admired. He had grown up with a few extra pounds (Okay, maybe a little more than a few) But he never minded it, he was always told by his friends how magnificent his curves were. Just like anyone, he had his little insecurities, his belly being one of them. After he had moved above the bakery, his weight had begun to creep up leaving him around a stone overweight. At first, Nathan had sweetly teased him about the crease under his chin, how he could packaway more food than ever before. He would softly tease Louis about how his killer curves put anyone to shame. But the sweetness that would make Louis feel all bubbly and a little embarrassed, turned into outright bullying and body shaming. Nathan began going out more and more, he would come home at 3am most nights, words were thrown around like confetti, ones that made Louis shrink inside himself and wear the baggiest jumpers he could find. He turned to food for comfort, which led to more shameful bashing from his boyfriend.

For the first time in a month, he studied himself in the mirror. Dark bags dragging down under his dull eyes, ginger facial hair looking unruly and anything but taken care off. His cheeks were not as full and pink, his double chin wasn't permanent anymore and only appeared when he looked down. His tummy still pooched forward, but it didn't hang down as much as it once did, hips still wide and thighs still thick, just a little slimmer than they had been. He was probably still considered chubby. It was weird that he missed his old body, surely he should be reveling in the idea that he now needed belts, but he wasn't. Because this wasn't him. He didn't recognise himself anymore. Nothing felt okay.

Tears pooled in his eyes, threatening to slip over. Louis wasn't going to let them though and forced himself into the shower, at least then he didn't know if the water that was streaming down his face was tears or from the shower. He liked it better that way. Dressing himself in his comfiest clothes and having to pull the drawstring tight to save them from slipping down he made his way to the kitchen where Zayn was pulling pizza and chips from the oven.

“Here bebz, eat up. I want that plate clean.” He placed a full pizza and a big bowl of McCains oven fries in front of Louis, kissing his temple before settling himself down.

Shaking his head he scoffed at zayn before telling him he was such a feeder. “I just want to see you happy boo, you’ll get your spark back if it's the last thing I do.”

They ate in silence, Louis knew Zayn was aware he wasn't ready to talk about why he felt so upset today. And that was okay.

*
“Boobear! How are you? I haven't spoken to you in too long my darling. You’re not at your flat are you…? That doesn't look like your place”

Louis shifted in his seat uncomfortably, he supposed it was about time he told his Mum about his breakup. Of Course he didn’t want to, he knew the fuss Jay would make and honestly Louis could look after himself and he didn't need to be babied. “Yeah um Mum, I actually have some news. It's about Nathan and I - we um, well we broke up. I can't afford a one bedroom just yet, looking for a job but ehm, yeah I'm staying with Zayn right now so…”

“Oh honey, you need to tell me these things, you know we all would have been there for you...what happened?”

“Mum I dont think I'm ready to go into that just yet, can we talk about this later? How’s the girls, and Mark? Are you all coping okay-”

Mark came into the video call, taking a seat beside his wife, he raised his eyebrows at seeing Louis’ face. He knew Mark was about to comment on his lack of double chin.

“Oh Louis my boy! You've finally lost some of that extra weight? I'm proud of you, Look at him Jay, doesn't he look so good!”

*
“Harry shut up, we don't need to make a website, we get enough business without social media.”

“Nah Liam, we’re making one, I don't care what you say. I'm going to put out an ad for a photographer to take photos then we can upload them to our Facebook to get people to share it. Help spread the word. Don't be such a grandad, google isn't as scary as you might think.” Scoffing, Liam rolled his eyes muttering something under his breath that quite frankly, Harry didn't give a shit about.

Looking at his watch and deciding to close up for the night he heard a small cough. From his place behind the counter he saw a mess of light brown hair, blue eyes and a soft round face. Louis.

“Louis! You haven’t been here in weeks, Liam! The wee guy has come to pay a visit!” At that, Louis crossed his arms over his chest giving Harry a glare before speaking up. “Fuck off Harold, I came to ask a
favour but if youre going to be like-”

“Oh Lou you knew I was joking! C’mere.” Wrapping the shorter man into his chest he realised Louis didn't look so good. Tired eyes, beard, he looked slimmer too which made Harry a little sad. As he pulled Louis closer into him, still feeling the man's overly soft belly press against his own abs, he was happy Louis still had a little of his pudginess left. “Hey, are you okay? You’re not looking so good…”

Rolling his eyes, Louis felt a little tingle in his tummy as he realised how much he missed his banter with Harry “Yes yes Harold, I got dumped a month ago, yes I look like shit and havent shaved since, yes I’ve lost weight and I dunno why that makes everyone sad, atleast I’m not as fat as I used-”

“Stop right there you brat, don’t even finish that sentence” They pulled away from each other as Liam came in.

Harry realised Louis had said that he'd been dumped, which did not match up with what Nathan had said, he didn’t know why he actually cared so he decided he didn't and focussed on packing everything up whilst Liam and Louis caught up with each other.

“So what can we do for you then babe? Heard you said you needed a favour?”

Louis dumped himself in one of the booths by the counter, leaning back into the soft padded headrest, letting out a suffereable sigh. “Right yes well, dunno if I ever told you lot, I have a best friend Zayn who lives a little over a half hours drive away and um, after the y'know...breakup I moved in with him.” Louis kept his gaze on his hands in his lap, not really wanting to deal with Liam and Harry’s looks of sympathy he knew they were wearing. “So anyway, it’s his birthday next week and I was wondering if you guys could bake him a cake? And like maybe some cupcakes or something…”

Harry and Liam slid in next to Louis, Harry dumping a cup of tea in front of him, and Liam a box of leftovers that weren’t going to be eaten.

“I think you’ve mentioned him before yeah, we can do that cant we Harry?”

Harry was looking at the icing that Louis had managed to smear over his face from a donut he had absentmindedly shoved in his mouth. He broke his gaze and regathered himself. “Yeah, yeah of course we can do that Louis. Send us a list of allergies or like, just anything that you’re wanting made”

Harry smiled at the way Louis dimpled hands looked so little wrapped around the cup of tea he was taking delicate sips from, dribbling a bit down his chin. Louis lifted up his sweater paw’d fist, wiping it across his mouth. Nodding his head he spoke “Yeah, yeah thats great mate. Cheers for that, so what are you guys thinking about prices?”

Liam was about to protest any form of payment before Harry interrupted him “Actually Louis, you studied photography right?” Nodding his head and placing his cup of tea down on the table he spoke “Yeah, I graduated with a 1:1. Not to blow my own trumpet or summat but i'm actually not too shabby.”

“Perfect well, could you take some photos for us? I really want to set up a social media account, but neither Liam or I are too good at photography. Just like, we could set a date and you could pick up the cakes and then have a little photography shoot?”

Louis stayed quiet for a hot minute. He hadn't come to visit in the last month for fear of running into Nathan, and like, yeah he was on friendly terms with Harry and Liam but they weren't exactly friends. They didn’t even have each other’s numbers. Harry sensed the hesitation Louis was feeling. “Like it’s fine if not, it was just an idea…”

Louis shook his head, “No, no like I would love to. I just um, Im a bit funny being around this area after you know, like Nathan and-”

“Oh sorry, yeah of course, I could come to you? Like, put your number in my phone and we’ll figure out a date?” Harry locked his eyes with Louis’, searching for some kind of answer. Louis was squirming a little, clearly feeling a tad anxious after mentioning Nathan. He nodded though, and put his number into Harry’s phone. Brushing the donut crumbs off his thighs Louis stood up making his way to the door. “Well, thanks for that lads that will be a massive help to me...guess I’ll see you in a few days to take photos?”

“Don't forget your box of leftovers Louis, you’ve lost some weight, eat up.” Liam handed Louis the cardboard box, worry creasing into his forehead and pinched brows.

Louis scoffed at that and rolled his eyes “Why is everyone so obsessed with feeding me” He muttered under his breath walking out the bakery and down to a bus stop, making sure it was far from his old flat.

*
“Louis, what the fuck is your problem? Stop throwing your clothes all over the place, you look fine.” Zayn was sprawled on Louis’ bed, texting someone whilst Louis was frantically teariing apart his wardrobe trying to find something, anything that made him look decent. He didn’t know why he cared. It was only Harry coming round so he could take photos as a thank you for Zayn’s cake. They had decided Liam or Harry would be better dropping of the sweet treats on the day of Zayns actual birthday, which would be in a few days but Louis had insisted it was fine for him to still take those photos.

“Zayn I look like shit, and I don't really want to look like shit funnily enough” He stood in front of the mirror checking himself over. He had on obcenely tight white jeans that did nothing to hide the girth of his thick, wide thighs and left his tummy pooching over the waist band, thick love handles that were happily settled over his sides. These were jeans that he had held onto since uni, hoping he could get them over his arse one day, and he guessed today was that day. He had a soft sweater on that he had hoped would cover that extra flesh spilling out, it did a pretty good job in all fairness, but his tummy was still pressed up against the fabric.

He got carried away pinching and sighing at his figure. He was never happy with it, not when he was heavier, and not now. Zayn placed a hand on his shoulder softly looking at Louis. “You look great bebz. You cant deny those jeans do wonders for your legs and bum.” Louis nodded in agreement because Zayn was right. He did look alright in them. Not hot, but he looked okay he didnt look like utter shit at least.

“Want me to do your hair?” Nodding, Louis sat down on his bed whilst Zayn styled his soft fringe neatly acrosss his forhead. Louis had deceided to shave this morning, it had been a little odd at first seeing all his baby soft skin again, but it felt nice. Helped him feel more neat and put together. He was ignoring the voice in his head that was asking why he cared so much about his appearance all of a sudden. Like, it was literally just Harry. Just the tall hipster baker he had seen every morning and not thought twice about.

Why did he even care all of a sudden? Right. No. He didnt care. Didnt give a shit. All he was doing, was trying to pick himself up again and take care of looks.

With one last look in the mirror, almost satisfied he plops down on the couch waiting on Harry.

“So, why exactly are you so uptight? Like, I know you’re excited to have gotten a job but…” Louis squirmed a little and felt his cheeks flushing. He went over Zayns words in his head, he didn’t know why he was so hot and bothered, wanting to make a good impression on Harry. It was afterall, only Harry. The younger boy who worked in his favourite bakery who he had seen everyday for years. When Louis was with Nathan, he never looked twice at the boy. But the otherday when he was at the bakery he realised he had never noticed Harrys long lean figure, broad back, rounded biceps. He flushed a little thinking about it. But it’s not like anything was going to happen. Not when Louis still found himself wriggling in beside Zayn at night, waking up with puffy red eyes, swollen and sore from crying. Not when Harry was miles and miles out of his league. It was a teeny tiny crush. That’s all it was.

“I am not being uptight Zayn. I just want this to go well, like, it’s my first job y’know.” Zayn snorted and shook his head. “Here, Lou, you’ve managed to get chocolate on your face.” He swiped over the corner of Louis’ mouth rubbing away at the little piece of chocolate.

*
“Alright Curly? Come in, come in” Louis ushered Harry inside the flat, giving him a once over. Obscenely long legs made to look even longer in orange corduroy trousers, flowery blouse left unbuttoned to mid chest, not leaving much to Louis imagination. Realising he was being caught looking, Louis broke his gaze and looked up at Harry.

“So, Harry this is my mate Zayn, Zayn this is the bloke who works at that bakery, the one that has evidently ruined my waistline”

Zayn and Harry gave a soft chuckle at Louis depreciation, knowing it was his own way of hiding his insecurities.

“So, I’ve bought all the cakes, you got your photo gear?” Harry began unboxing the sugary treats, motioning towards them.

“Yeah yeah mate, I’ve got it all. You just tell me what kind of shots you’re looking for and I’m your man”

Louis blushed furiously after realising what he said. “Your man” I wish. Louis thought to himself. He does not have a crush on the man, not when he’s still hurting and knows fine well he is not the kind of guy Harry would go for. But still, he could appreciate an attractive man couldn’t he?

*
“Right mate, thats the last of the photos”

“Amazing, thank you so much Lou. Can’t wait to prove Liam wrong. These will do wonders for our sales”

Harry nudged his shoulder against Louis’ and gave him a dazzling smile before returning to flick through the photos.

“Hey mate, want to stay for dinner? I’ve just made Lou and I some pasta, there’s plenty for one more?”

“Zayn I’ve told you, I’m on a diet. I can’t eat pasta” Louis mumbled, cheeks burning red from
Embarrassment.

Zayn mouthed something at Harry that Louis couldn’t quite make out. Probably something about ignoring him because he’ll eat it anyway.

“That would be grand actually, I don’t have dinner planned so...” Louis caught Harry giving him a quick look, eyes looking a little sad and sympathetic. He squirmed under Harrys gaze, feeling self conscious, tugging down on his jumper. He felt like a bug under a microscope in that moment, wanting to hide away under baggy clothes and shrink into himself.

mumbling something about going to take a shower first Louis stood and let himself out the room. His feelings were all over the place at the moment. One day his heart would feel so broken and weary he could swear he would feel his heart strings tug and tear inside him. His insecurities and shame would bubble over and he wanted nothing more than to curl under his duvet for hours.. Other days, he had this new found confidence when he would wear whatever the hell he wanted, be loud, flamboyant, eat what made his cheeks flush with pleasure. And somedays he would go inbetween both. Today was one of those days.

It took a lot of effort to squeeze out of those jeans before climbing into to the shower. Why he ever thought he could look good in them was beyond him. He had to push his belly up to even get to the button, and he didn’t even want to think about the strength it took to pull both sides of the jeans together and get the button undone.

*

Louis came back into the kitchen in loose sweats and the baggiest jumper he could find. Silently, he slid into his chair at the table and was met with a bowl of creamy pasta. He opened his mouth to protest about the dish, but Zayn got there first shooting him a glare of warning.

“Eat.” He said simply, and Louis abided to this, pushing the pasta round with his folk, only bringing it to his mouth every few minutes.

Zayn and Harry made friendly conversation that Louis only half listened to, not contributing to the conversation unless he was directly asked a question.

“Bebz, come on. Eat up, this isn’t healthy” Zayn scooped pasta onto Louis fork and held it up to his mouth, coaxing him to take a bite. But Louis just pushed the fork away, trying not to snap. He knew Zayn was trying to help but it was honestly just embarrassing in front of Harry.

“Leave it Z. I’ll eat later. Listen, Harry mate, thanks for coming over, let me know what time you’ll bring those cakes by tomorrow. I’m going to head to bed.” Before anyone could answer him Louis scurried off to let his tears fall.

Chapter Text

“Louis! Lou?”

“Mphh”

“Louis. Wake up. Cmon. It’s past noon”.

Louis could hear the frustration in Zayn’s voice. He smushed his face back in his pillow and tried to block out the sound of his friend pestering him.

“Louis. Come on, get up. We’re going to the shops.”

Why? Why did they need to go to the shops? They had plenty in the house. They had cereal, milk, tea bags and bread for toast. What else could they possibly need. Okay so, Zayn had been on holiday and he can’t remember the last time he ate a meal. But so what? He was a “fat fuck” if he remembered his ex’s words correctly. (Which he did.)

“Fuck off Zayn.”

“No Louis. Get up. You have no food in. This is not carrying on. Either you get up and speak with me, or I phone your therapist and tell them you’re not eating”

Is he kidding? Not eating? Just because he’s not stuffing his face all the time doesn’t mean it’s an issue. It’s not like he’s unhealthily thin. Or thin at all.

“Zayn.” Louis merely whispered into
His pillow. “Zayn, cmon. Im not exactly gonna start showing ribs.”

Zayn yanked his duvet off of him and pulled his arm. They were now facing each other, Zayn’s eyes baring into his own with frustration and concern whilst Louis’ icy blues were angry and sleepy.

“Louis. You’ve lost at least a stone. I’m
Not having this any longer, have you any idea how fucking heartbreaking it is to see you.-“

“Shut the fuck up zayn” Louis interrupted. He tousled his hair and rubbed his sleepy eyes trying to wake himself up. “Just shut up. I’m fine. I’ve been eating. I just haven’t been stuffing my face with Liam and Harry’s cakes. There’s nothing wrong.”

Zayn kept his eyes locked with Louis’. There was sympathy and worry swimming in his brown orbs. “Louis, we’re going shopping. All you’ve ate since I’ve been gone is toast and cereal. I’m not letting you away with this anymore.”

*****

“Liam, I’m worried about him! He looked even thinner when I was there and he wouldn’t eat his food. He’s heartbroken and I want to be there for him!” He exasperated, attempting to get his concern across.

“I get that mate, I do. But you can’t stop looking after yourself just to care for someone else. You need a balance. I’m worried.” Liam continued icing his cake, looking at Harry’s disheveled face.

A sigh escaped Harry’s lips. He had to give it to Liam - he needed to look after himself too. “Look, I get that. I do. I just think there’s more to it. Those two never seemed to match. Louis is so timid and shy, he’s so...I don’t know! Insecure. Remember when he first started coming here? How funny and flamboyant he was. I think there’s more to it than a break up.” He sighed and shook the flour off of his hands. He started running the hot water and filling up the sink.

“You’re right Harry, something doesn’t add up, but as a friend I need to look out for you and tell you when you’re being a wankstain. And this is one of those moments.” Liam turned the hot tap off and started doing the dishes himself.

As Harry sat down and rubbed his face, he turned to Liam. “Liam, you saw how he was? Long baggy jumper in this summer heat, weight loss, messy hair. Jumpy and anxious. No one wants to run into their ex, but he...he was scared.”

Chapter Text

“Please stand with your back against the wall.”

Louis followed the Nurses’ order silently.

“5 foot 7.”

“5’9 my arse.” Zayn laughed.

Louis shot him daggers before going to stand on the scale.

“Okay. Perfect Louis. We’ve just got a few more vitals to check and then we will get a doctor in to see you.”

Louis nodded and let the Nurse check his blood pressure and oxygen levels.

“Right, you’ve lost around a stone very quickly Louis. Now you are strictly speaking still overweight but losing that much weight that fast is concerning so I’m going to take your blood and check your electrolyte level.”

He could feel Zayn and the Nurses’ eyes on him but he refused to look up, understanding he wasn’t going to respond the Nurse drew his blood and then left the room.

“Louis-“

“What?” He snapped before Zayn could finish.

“You know what Louis. I’m not playing soft anymore. You’ve lost a stone in a little over a month. This is serious.”

“It wasn’t on purpose, I’m just never hungry anymore.”

“Well you need to try harder. Because I swear to god I will force feed you if -“ Zayn was cut off again from the door opening.

“Hi Mr Tomlinson. I’m Doctor Rollins. You’ve met my Nurse Sarah.” Louis nods. “I’m afraid I want to keep you in for a couple of days. Could you give us a moment please?” He asked Zayn.

“It’s fine. He can stay.”

“Very well Louis. Your electrolytes are low. Your blood pressure also seems unsteady and you’re at an increased risk of heart failure. Have you any idea how you lost that much weight so fast?”

Louis shrugged, his head down looking at his feet. God those shoes used to be white, he supposes they’re quite old and probably needs new ones.

“He hasn’t been eating. Maybe an apple and a few spoonfuls of dinner. He’s had a rough month.”

“Thanks Zayn.” Louis sneered. Zayn rolled his eyes in response.

“I basically had to drag him here today, I’m sorry he’s not being responsive.”

“Well, let me show you to your room Louis.”

****

“Hey Zayn, everything okay?” Harry chucked his keys on the counter and began to undo his laces.

“Yeah sorry to bother you, I’m sure you’re at work. But Louis has been admitted into hospital and-“

“What? What happened?” Harry swore he could hear his heart beating. He picked up the shoe he just took off and began to relace it.

“No no, don't worry. I took him for a physical and they’re concerned about his weight loss. His vitals didn’t come back great and neither did his blood work. They want to keep him in for a couple of nights and watch him eat, make sure his vitals pick up again. Anyway I know he would appreciate a visit so I’ve just texted you his room number. I’ll be here for a couple more hours.”

“Okay, I’ve got a couple of errands to do first then I’ll be right there.”

******

“Hey you.” Harry took in his surroundings of the room and little Louis in the middle of the hospital bed, he looked miserable. Hair disheveled, tear tracks down his round cheeks. His double chin had made an appearance as he had his head bent down looking intently at his fingers.

His head snapped up and he met Harry’s eyes.

“Coffee mate? I’ll give you both some space.” Zayn got off his chair and walked out the room.

“Take it Zayn’s filled you in.”

“He’s just worried, love. We all really are.” Harry sat down in Zayn’s place and gave Louis the Yorkshire tea he had made him in a travel mug.

“You shouldn’t be. There’s nothing wrong.”

“Then why are you in hospital with an IV attached to your hand hm?”

He looked at Louis with fond eyes and reached out for his hand. The corners of Louis’ mouth twitched a little at the movement. Almost smiling, but not quite.

“Seem to think I need it. Which I don’t. I’m fine.” Louis used his other hand to wipe away a stray tear.

“Babes, if nothing is wrong then eat a little more for us and you’ll be out in no time.”

“The doctor said I’m still overweight so surely it’s good I’ve lost some. Honestly I don’t see the big deal.”

He said the word overweight with so much disgust it tugged at Harry’s heartstrings.

“Look babe. Here’s the thing. If you want to lose weight there are healthy ways of doing that. Starving yourself is not the-“

“Woah, Jesus Harold that’s not what I’m doing. It just happened. I’m just not hungry.” Louis snatched his hand out Harry’s and tucked himself under the covers.

“I’m tired. Thanks for coming and all but I need some sleep so..” Louis shut his eyes and curled up in himself.

“Right. Well I’ll be off then. I’ll come see you tomorrow?” Louis didn’t respond so Harry let himself out.

He can’t really bear to look back so just spins on his heel and walks out the door. Thankfully he bumps into Zayn.

“What happened mate?”

“I told him if he wants to lose weight there are healthy ways of doing so, and he just flipped. I hate seeing a friend like that.” Harry sighed and took the coffee Zayn was offering him.

“I know. Look, there are definitely things you don’t know about Louis’ last relationship. There’s probably stuff he’s not even told me. But I’ve learnt his immediate reaction to his vulnerability is to push people away. Just don’t let him, yeah?”

Harry nodded, thanked Zayn and went back to his flat to mope.

He started to look through Louis’ Facebook, his old photos were so sweet. Pudgy cheeked 15 year old Louis laughing with a friend, crinkly eyes and sweet freckles dusting his cheek.

His tagged photos were definitely ones that louis’ wouldn’t have posted himself.

Louis shirtless on a beach, sitting down on a towel. His tummy rolls and thick arms on full display. Holding a 99 ice cream and his other arm wrapped around a young looking Zayn. The photo must be at least ten years old. Louis looked so happy.

Harry decided then that he wouldn’t rest till he saw Louis that confident and happy again.

Chapter Text

Louis was staring at the food in front of him. Some chalky brown drink, soggy porridge, toast - white bread with way too much butter and a cup of fruit. Couple months ago he would have eaten that and then more and probably still had room for a pastry. But in the present day he looked at it and wanted to vomit. He was not eating it. He pushed the side table away and hurried back under the covers. Fuck this. He was fine and had nothing to prove.

****

“Mr Tomlinson. Mr Tomlinson!”

Louis scowled at the Nurse and crossed his arms over his chest. “What is your problem?”

“Mr Tomlinson. This is the final straw. I’m going to page an assistant in and we’ll begin the process of an NG tube.”

****
“Louis what the hell is going on!” Zayn parked himself in the seat beside Louis’ bed where the lad had his arms crossed over his chest and was wearing a scowl.

A nurse came in and pressed a button on a little machine to start the feed. Zayn watched the pale pasty liquid shoot up the tube and into Louis’ nose.

“We are concerned as his vitals have gone downhill instead of improving. Mr Tomlinson will likely be here for another week.” Fiddling with his IV and making sure the tape was secure on his dimpled hand, she then turned to exit the room.

Louis rolled his eyes and let out an exasperated sigh.

“Wait! Nurse, wait.” Zayn grabbed the woman’s arm, she looked at him with pity, sensing the worry off of Mr Tomlinson’s friend.

“What can I do? Please. I hate seeing him like this. I feel like I’ve tried everything. I cannot get through to him no matter what method I approach him with.”

“We’re going to run some tests. We want to get to the bottom of this as much as you do Mr Malik. Hopefully it’s something physical and easily fixed. If not then we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it. For now, just continue to hold his hand, okay?”

Zayn nodded and watched her leave.

“Babes, I’m just so worried. Are you in pain? Is that what it’s about? Is your belly just sore? The less you eat the harder it will be to have proper meals again. I know you’re trying but-but please! Push yourself a little more. Please.”

“Aw Zaynie don’t cry. Not because of me! It’s not worth it.” Louis reached out his left hand (the one with his IV taped to it) and wiped away a tear that was making its way down Zayn’s cheek.

“I want this wretched tube out my nose just as much as you do. I’m gonna eat dinner, I promise.”

****
“So I heard Louis’ being tube fed.” Harry was pacing around his kitchen. Not doing anything in particular as he was just too anxious to sit still.

“Yeah. His vitals are worse. They said something about running more tests, it’s definitely not a stomach ulcer and they’re in the process of ticking more things off the list. What are your thoughts?” Good. Harry was glad Louis didn’t have an ulcer as he knew they were painful.

“I don’t know. I mean, I don’t think he’s doing it on purpose. I know he’s like, uncomfortable with his body. But I don’t think- I don’t think he’d do that to himself. Would he? You know. Starve himself.” The idea of Louis suffering so much and denying himself basic human needs made bile threaten to come out the top of his throat. He swallowed it down and waited in anticipation for Zayn’s response.

“I mean, nah. I don’t think he’d do that. Maybe he would Harry. I don’t know. I know Nathan used to like, tell him his body was awful. But Louis never used to care. Or he’d at least act like he didn’t. I think he’s depressed. I don’t think he’s starving himself.”

“Okay. Okay Zayn, thanks. You’ve ehm, you’ve settled my mind a bit. I’m gonna head off to see him before visiting hours are over. Are you back at your flat now?”

“Yeah, I’m gonna stop off tomorrow after work though. I’ll maybe see you then if you’re around?”

“No worries mate. I’ll see you tomorrow if not then at some point.”

Harry started making his way to the hospital. He didn’t know a lot about depression but he knew the basics. He also knew it showed itself in different ways for everyone and although he didn’t understand it, he respected how hard it was for its sufferers.

He made a stop at the shops and picked up the biggest, softest teddy bear he could find.

**

“Hey you.” Harry snuck a glance at the tube taped to Louis nose, then quickly looked away.”

“Hey Harold. Oi, what’s that behind your back?”

“There’s nothing behind my back Tommo. I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Harry smirked and walked closer to Louis, whipping out the oversized teddy bear.

Harry swore the sound that came out of Louis next wasn’t human. It was angelic. The sweetest giggle that was so inticing it put Harry into a fit of laughter too.

“What the fuck Haz, hahahaha. What on earth possessed you to pick this up.” Louis made grabby hands at the bear and Harry handed it over.

Louis pulled it to his chest and gave it a whiff. MmHm. It smelt like Harry. A mixture of his cheap cologne and sweetness. Probably from the bakery.

“Well. You’re sick. And you’re my Loubear. And it’s a bear, for my Lou.”

“God what a line Styles. But thank you, I love it! Really.” Louis set the teddy beside him in his bed and smiled up at Harry.

“So, nice tube.”

“Cheers, it’s my new look.”

“Well, as handsome as you look, I hope the tube isn’t a permanent fashion statement.” Harry maintained his eye contact with Louis’ for a split second, until of course, Louis looked down at his hands again. Turning into a recluse.

“Harry, I’m trying really I-“

“Shh, Lou. Don’t. I’m here to be a friend. To support you. You don’t need to explain yourself.” Louis’ shoulders slumped in relaxation.

“However. I will be sitting with you during dinner. I brought my own dinner too so we can eat together.”

Louis smiled at Harry, and whispered a quiet thank you.

Whilst waiting for Louis dinner to turn up they played a friendly (but competitive) game of scrabble.

Louis didn’t often allow himself to be vulnerable. If ever. But recently, in the past couple of days, he’s found himself beginning to trust Harry. He knew he had feelings for the man. But he also knew they wouldn’t ever be reciprocated. Louis with the “tommo tummy” and rolls and stretch marks. Multiple chins and imperfect skin. He was short and boring and he knew he wouldn’t ever do better than Nathan. Harry saw him as a friend and nothing more.

Louis was going to end up alone. Probably with seven cats and size XXL jeans that were too long and had to be rolled up at the ankle.

Soon, his dinner was placed in front of him. It was a chicken dinner, more chalky brown liquid in a cup and a packet of crisps.

“Now Mr Tomlinson. I want you to get through at least three fourths of this. I know it might be overwhelming but it’s not a big portion. It’s just packed full of the nutrients you need. And if you do that and eat your three meals tomorrow the tube will be out.” The Nursing assistant smiled and then walked away. She probably had a million other things to do.

“Okay then Loubear. I’ve got my dinner and you’ve got yours! Let’s eat.”

Louis returned the smile Harry offered and he picked up his fork. Deciding to tackle the heaviest thing first he began to cut up his Yorkshire pudding.

Chapter Text

He lay there in the hospital bed that seemed more like his own the more that time went on. He had his blanket from home draped over it that Zayn had bought in, his childhood stuffie that was under his mums arm when she had bombarded him with kisses and tears, and last but not least - the smell of comfort that the newest addition had added - the bear Harry had bought him that smelled of his most prominent scents.

Louis was still sitting with an NG tube that would hopefully be taken out this evening. He had been trying so hard to eat three square meals a day. But every time he brought the cutlery to his lips he was reminded by the endless calories that pumped through his nose.

And then he thought about the way his hospital gown strained against his overly large belly, the boxers that pinched into his love handles. The way that regardless of the fact he had lost weight, his chin still doubled when he looked down - even slightly. Louis was still fat. Chubby, even. And that’s how he was built. That’s who he was, minus the fact he used to live above a bakery. He wasn’t built to be slim. He was fat. Unattractive. Boring. He was hopeless without Nathan.

Even with Nathan he was hopeless.

He couldn’t cook. He had tried, mind you. When he had attempted to cook pasta that time Nathan had worked late, he hadn’t realised that one - you needed to salt the pasta - and two, you are meant to stir it or it got stuck to the bottom of the pan. Louis hadn’t done either so he was left ordering takeaway (that he wasn’t allowed to eat because he was constantly “dieting”) and scrubbing the bottom of the pasta pan.

Before Louis had been with Nathan he was bullied. Not drastically. He wasn’t beat up or anything . It was ‘mild’ bullying. He had been at school in the gym and people had pinched his ‘rolls’ and shook them. Reminding him and everyone else that he was fat. Or he had been in maths and was told that it didn’t matter if feathers or steel were heavier because he was heavier than both and it was a comical joke.

Louis was the fat kid.

***

“Lunch Mr Tomlinson.” The Nurse swiftly entered his room and rested the tray on Louis’ table that slotted over his bed. (Louis is on bed rest you see. Can’t even sit at a table like a fucking normal human.)

Louis’ twiddled the fork between his thumb and pointer finger. Okay. It all boils down to this. Ham and cheese sandwich on white bread with flora. A packet of crisps. Yoghurt and a cup of fruit.

He started to munch, trying to eat as fast as he could as he found that if he slowed his eating, he got full faster and started to question himself.

He heard shuffles come towards his door and all three of his mates then emerge. They were sharing smiles and Louis wondered what they were talking about.

“Hey Lou Bear!”

“Oi, what have I told you about that! Curly.”

“Okay okay, point made.” Harry had his hands in surrender and his smile brought out his deep dimples.

“How’re you doing lou?” Liam approached him and - oh for fucks sake. The puppy dog eyes, swimming in pity.

“Fine. I’m fine Liam.”

“”Louis.”

Louis sulked, leaning his head back on his pillow, missing the look the men gave each other.

“So love, what’s the news?” Harry reached for his hand and gave it a gentle squeeze.

Louis’ lips curled up into a triangle and he sheepishly looked up at the three men.

“Well, yeah. Hmmhm.” Clearing his throat he began to speak. “Tubes comin’ out the day. If Ehm. If I eat well an everythin’.”

“Ayyyy”

“Brill Lou!”

“Well done love.” Harry’s big calloused hands give his soft stubby ones a little stroke.

“That’s all you Lou! All your hard work. I think I can speak for everyone here, we’re so proud of you!”

Louis’ shook his hand limply, waving them all off.

“Eh whatever. Weren’t that hard init.”

“Then why did you land yourself here-“

“Zayn.”

“Ahem. Sorry, just you know-“

“Yeah yeah, whatever. Look. I’m fine, you all have nout to worry about.”

Harry watched intently as Louis shoved the last quarter of the sandwich in his gob. Louis might have lost weight but he was still chubby. Harry traced the freckles on his cherubic cheeks with his eyes and continued down to Louis’ second chin as he chewed on his lunch. The blanket stopped just under Louis’ belly button so Harry could see the way it was baggy at his narrow shoulders but pulled tight across his generous tummy. His arms were thick and pale, one lying at his side and the other stretched up to his thin lips, feeding himself. The IV still taped to his hand as well as the NG tube that ran into his nose.

He still looked pale. Eyes sad and accessorised with dark circles. Louis wasn’t happy. He could tell.

“So, I’ve got some news guys.” Liam said, smile almost reaching his ears.

“I’ve met a bloke. Names’ Niall. He’s uh-Irish!”

“Y’a what mate?”

“Nice one lad.”

“Awh class. Don’t bring him here please. Wanna meet the lad in my usual form.” Louis stated, thinking about his catheter and two other tubes he currently had attached.

“Yeah yeah, that’s sound. Not an issue mate. But eh, yeah he wants to meet you all soonish so..”

“Not a bother Li. Lou’ll be out in no time. Won’t y’a love?” Harry bore his eyes into Louis’.

Louis nodded as he polished off the last thing on his tray.

“Right, well. We best be off Harry. Sorry to be rude lads but we’ve got a wedding cake due in 24 hours so…”

“Say no more. See you both later yeah?’ Zayn looked at the pair who nodded in response. Harry placing a kiss on Louis’ temple and with that, they both left.

“Right Lou. Real talk yeah?

Oh for fucks sake. Louis knew Zayn meant well. But he was so fucking sick and ttired of the looks of pity and the face of thrill that, whoever was observing him, realised how lucky they were that they were born in their own bodies and not his.

“What?”

“Louis. How are you feeling? For real?’

“Feel fat as ever. Don’t understand why they’re still tube feeding me. I’m an embarrassment to our social group - no. Wait no.”

Zayn’s eyes lit up at that.

“Scratch that. I’m an embarrassment to society.” Louis finished.

“Take it you’re not giving your therapist a chance.” Zayn sighed and began picking at the loose threads on his jumper.

“No! I am. I swear I am. I don’t know what she’s told you but she said she’d take me tube out tonight!.”

“Louis.”

“What?”

“You better not be eating to get out of this place.

“I’m not.” Louis looks up at Zayn with a childlike twinkle in his eye and no shame whatsoever “.

****

Louis was in the doctor's office with Harry.

A legal guardian was advised to attend but Harry was the only one who seemed stable and available at the time so it had been him who had to go along with it.

Better Harry than Zayn, Louis had thought to himself. At least he didn’t live with Harry so Louis had more room to play off the “everything’s great” card when he got home.

“Right. Your bmi reaches the overweight category. (He was embarrassed for Harry to hear this but oh well. Nothing was going to happen between them anyway.) But I’ve taken your body fat percentage, oxygen levels and blood pressure. “ she paused, probably gauging his reaction. When she realises he isn’t going to give one she continues.

“Your electrolytes seem a lot more stable. As do your vitals. How are you feeling Louis?”

“Fine. Lots more energy in me body. I’m fine.” He grimaced at the women.

“Good. We will be discharging you in a few days. Keep up the work.”

Chapter Text

“Okay Mr Tomlinson, deep breath in...that’s it.”

The nurse was taking out his tube, fucking finally. As Louis’ breathed in he felt scraping at the back of his throat. ‘A little uncomfortable.’ My arse, he thought bitterly. But the tube was out, thank god.

“There you go sweetie, all better now.” Louis' eyes swivelled to the back of his head, he was sick of all the patronising.

“Yeah cheers.” He sneered.

He climbed out of bed and went off to shower.

***

Zayn was sat next to him as his doctor was going over his discharge.

“And this pamphlet is a way to go about healthy weight loss as you are-.”

Zayn reached towards the doctor and shook his head. “He won’t be needing that thank you.” Zayn had his protective mode on. You know, treating Louis like a child, trying to protect him from anything that was deemed hurtful. It was pointless, Louis knew he needed to diet.

“Right. So you’re free to go. You’ll be coming to see your therapist twice a week and a physical every other week. Clear?”

“Crystal.”

“Hey. You did it buddy.” Zayn took his soft hands and started to give them a comforting rub. “Well done.”

Louis returned the smile and grabbed his stuff. “So, are we out of here or what?”

“Yeah, let’s get you home Lou. Need to do a food shop on the way, kay?”

Once at the supermarket Louis began to look at all the nutritional information on the back of his favourite snacks. Who knew they all had so many calories?

He was studying the back of his favourite instant Mac and cheese when Zayn’s hand made its way to the box and turned it the right way around.

“For fucks sake Louis. Not even an hour out of that place and you’re already looking at the calories.”

“Well. I’m sorry Zayn but you don’t know what it’s like to be fat. Do you? I have to study these things and-.”

“Louis. No one cares that you’re fat, but you. Okay. Okay fine if you want to lose weight. Fine. But accept who you are first. That’s all I’m asking. Please. We love you just the way you are.”

“Who’s we.” Louis’ scoffed.

“you know who’s we.” Zayn challenged. He was thinking of Harry. The way that he looked at Lou, with his catheter, feeding tube and IV and just didn’t see any of those tubes. He only saw Louis. Sweet Louis.

Zayn remembered Louis at 5 years old. He was confident. Funny. He was the class clown. Only the best got to be friends with him. So when Louis had shown an interest in him, Zayn had counted himself the luckiest boy in the world.

Lots of five year olds were chubby back then. Louis just never grew out of his pudge. Instead, he grew into it. He became a tubby ten year old and then a plump fifteen year old. And Zayn recalls the bullying. He had been picked on too, just not to the extreme Louis’ had.

“Just get your shopping and let me go home. Please.”

“Fine. Let’s just go.”

***

Louis was standing in front of the mirror, examining his figure.

Tonight, Harry, Liam and Niall were coming round. Niall was Liam's new boy toy. He wasn’t sure if it would work out to be honest. Liam and Zayn always seemed to have this kind of connection that he sensed whenever they were together.

Anyway, Louis was trying to figure out what to wear. He had put on ten pounds since the hospital so those white jeans weren’t going to fit him. He made the assumption that he was back in his fat clothes, so he pulled on joggers and a jumper. The joggers did nothing to disguise his arse. And the sweater, as baggy as it was, still stuck to his middle.

He styled his hair, and rubbed his hands down his face. This was the best he could do.

Mousy brown quiff. Concealer under his dark circles. Bronzer and contour to minimise his double chin. Black jumper and black joggers - both meant to be ‘slimming’. He couldn’t do much else, he figured.
A squeak was heard and the door was opened to reveal Zayn. Without knocking. He looked Louis up and down and raised an eyebrow.

“Get that off.”

“What? These are all that fit me right now. What am I meant to do?”

Zayn muttered “for fucks sake” under his breath and shook his head.

“Look kiddo. I’m sorry. You always look fantastic. But really. You’ve got to change. Come on. You can do better than that.”

“Ugh Zayn, if I could do better don't you think I would have?”

Ignoring him, Zayn looked through Louis' wardrobe rummaging around till he picked out an outfit. Blue Mom jeans and a Stone Roses vest top.

“No. No way, I am not wearing that.” He shook his and snatched them off of Zayn. “I am not having my flabby arms out.”

“Louis, your arms are fine. Just try it on please.”

Once Zayn exited the room Louis reluctantly stripped again and pulled the clothes on. The jeans were a task and a little tight but they fit. Once he had shimmied them up his hips and pulled them over his arse he managed to button them up.
Sliding the tank top over his head he looked in the mirror. Ugh. His tummy stuck to the top and you could see his belly button. He made his way to the kitchen.

Louis scowled at Zayn and pushed past him to turn the kettle on.

“Cmon bebz. Don’t be like that! You look gorgeous.”

Louis grabbed a bag of low calorie corn crisps and angrily munched on them whilst scowling at Zayn.

“You look like an angry kitten. Stop it.”

The boys picked that moment to stumble through the front door.

“Hello hello, how are we?” Liam snuck his hand around Louis’ shoulders and gave them a squeeze. “Good to see you out and about mate.” He said this part as a whisper and Louis was grateful for that.

He then caught Harry’s stare and gave the tall bloke his cheekiest smile, he put down the crisps and pulled him in for a hug. It had only been a few days since they'd seen each other but he had missed him.

“Hey you.” Harry squeezed his back and Louis buried his face further into his chest.

Once they pulled away Harry held him at arms length and gave him a once over. “You’re glowing baby! Love the top.”

Baby. Baby. Louis couldn’t believe Harry just called him baby. His cheeks were proper flushed up now, and he felt his heart swell about three sizes.

“Stone Roses mate! Love them. I’m Niall.” The Irish lad reached his hand out and Louis shook it giving him a smile.

“Nice to meet ya mate. You like Manchester music then yeah?”

Louis and Niall were in deep conversation over their similar music taste and the other three were all observing Louis.

“He still wants to diet. Eating low calorie crap all the time and won’t touch his favourite carbonara. I mean, I get it if he wants to change his lifestyle but I wish he wasn’t so obsessed with his eating.”

“He looks like he’s put some of the weight back on. That’s good isn’t it?” Liam asked.

Harry chipped in. “I mean it’s good for us. Tells us his weight is balancing out again. This weight is just where his body is happy and comfortable, but it won’t be helping him and his confidence.” Harry didn’t miss the way he put the cushion over his belly.

“He told me he was sick of being the fat friend no one looked twice at.” Zayn scoffed. “He’s the heart and soul of everything and everyone.”

****
After dinner Harry vowed to himself he would get a piece of this cake into Louis’ tummy.

“Louuuuu.” Harry called out, trying to catch his attention. Louis shifted himself off the sofa and walked into the kitchen to join the others. “I made your favourite cake! I’m just gonna cut it up but I wanted you to have the first piece!”

“I shouldn’t…”

“Oh come on bebz, it’s just a wee slice. Go on! You deserve it.” Zayn had his hand on Louis' shoulder and gave it a squeeze before turning away to join the conversation with Liam and Niall.

Louis looked up at Harry, he wanted some reassurance.

Harry knew what Louis needed, he always did. He leaned in and murmured in a low voice. “You can eat whatever you want whenever you want Lou. Don’t let yourself fall into this again okay.?” When Louis didn’t respond Harry tried again. “Okay?” He lifted a forkful of cake up to Louis lips and a little reluctantly, he parted them.

“Ohhhh my god. That’s orgasmic. Harry, what are you doing to me?”

Everyone burst out laughing and watched fondly as Louis took the plate from Harry and shoveled the rest in his mouth. His chubby cheeks growing rounder from being stuffed like a hamster’s.

Chapter Text

“Zayn no! I’m not going. I’m not.” Louis crossed his arms. Even the way that felt made him cringe. His soft forearms touching his flabby chest. He’s not going to Liam's party.

“Louis. You don’t need to take off your shirt! Just keep it on.”

“No Zayn! M’not doing it.”

“Harry will be here in an hour to pick us up! I’m going to the shops for the drink. What do you want?”

Zayn placed his hand around Louis’ plush waist and pulled him into his side.

“Whatever you want. But no beer. I don’t need to be bloated on top of being fat.” Louis offered Zayn a small smile.

Rolling his eyes he placed a kiss on Louis forehead and ruffled his hair. “Okay bebz. Though I doubt Harry would care.”

Once Louis heard the front door shut he ruffled around trying to find an outfit. “No, no, no. Ugh” this is pointless. He then pulled out some denim shorts and a thin, white tshirt. Putting his trunks on underneath he pulled the outfit on.

I mean, it could be worse in all fairness. At Least the shorts fit, so there wasn’t much pudge peaking over the sides. The shirt was nice and loose fitting.

Louis loved clothes, he was an expert with fashion. He knew what looked good on certain bodies and skin tones. He just wished that he could fully express himself. He loved to dress feminine and ‘quirky’. He loved telling Zayn what clothes complimented his music taste and interests. He loved short denim shorts and band tees. He even owned some crop tops. He swears if he were slim he would be interested in becoming some kind of gay influencer or model. But you know. Louis was chubby. And boring.

**

“So Lou. I heard you made the cake!!” Harry reached for Louis' hand and tried to search those eyes. They were some kind of indescribable blue. The kind of blue that you could pick as a filter. That you could pick as a paint swatch in a pottery class. But they were more than that. There was a deep sadness to them too. Something Harry couldn’t quite grasp.

“Uhh, yeah I did. It’s not that good though. Just your usual homemade cake.” Louis shot him a smile.

“Babes, I bet it’s brilliant.” Harry squeezed his shoulder.

Louis wandered off to Zayn’s side looking for some comfort and the man brought him into his side.

“You alright bebz?”

“Yeah Z. Just feeling a little off.”

Zayn looked down at the boy. His innocent but pained blues staring back at him.

“Do you want to go home darling? I think it would be good to stay, no?”

Louis wanted to go home. But would he deny his best friend the opportunity to kindle a relationship with Liam, Niall and Harry? No, he wouldn’t.

“No it’s okay Z. I think I just need a little get me up.” Louis charmed Zayn with his best grin.

“Lads!! How about we play some drunk jenga? Lou and I made it during lockdown.” Zayn sweeped his glass off of the counter along with Louis’ and took it though to the living room. Silently bringing the guests with him.

“So how do we play?” Liam asked.

“It’s pretty much like jenga but when you pull a block out, there is a question or dare to go along with it.” Zayn stated.

“Cool let’s go!!” Niall said. He was a great man Harry thought. He could have been paired with anyone and he was grateful it was Niall.

“Okay Liam. You first.”

“Okay.” Liam pulled his jenga block from the third row.

“Text your ex.” Liam read aloud. His face burned bright red and Harry keeled over in laughter. No one knew Liam as well as Harry so they sat amused at the reaction.

“Liam! Just send her a picture of the block.” Harry suggested.

“Okay, okay! I’ll send her a picture. Jesus two minutes in and I’m already exposing my past!” Liam snapped a picture of the jenga block and sent it to his ex.

All eyes darted to Zayn who was sitting beside liam.

“Okay niall! You’re next.” Liam said.

“Okay. Let’s see” niall had his tongue stuck out as he picked out the next jenga. He poked his finger at the middle of the block and grabbed the wooden stick.

“What’s the last picture you sent?”

Niall pulled up a picture on his phone and all the boys shut their eyes and grimaced.

“Niall!”

“Nialler why!”

“Niall James, cmon!”

“What!? Yes okay, that is my penis. Don’t be so jealous. I know I’m blessed.”‘Niall had a cocky smile plastered on his face as he put his piece of wood beside him.

“Actually that is quite small in terms of penis”

“Shut up Lou!”

“Alright, Lou it’s your turn.”

“Hmm okay, let’s go for…this one!” Louis poked the jenga block and pulled it out successfully.

“Shit.”

“What did y’a get Tommo?”

“I’m not doing it sorry.” Louis didn’t even remember making that block, must have been Zayn.

“What’s it say!” For fucks sake, this Niall lad couldn’t let anything go.

“Take off my shirt.” He mumbled, barely audible. “Harry! Your turn.”

The air felt thick as the lads (bar Niall) knew why Louis wouldn’t take his shirt off.

“Aw come on tommo! You’ve gotta do it, your face is adorable and I bet the rest of you is too.”

“Niall love, let’s leave it yeah?” Liam patted Niall's hand. “Right Harry!”

Harry dragged his gaze away from Louis who seemed to be finding his little chubby hands very interesting.

**

“Right lads, let’s head to the pool before it gets cold.” Liam says, standing up and offering a hand to Niall who takes it.

They all trudge out to the back garden and start stripping, bar Louis who sits on one of the deckchairs.

“Looking good lads!” He jokes, they all shoot him a smile and jump in, Harry surprises him by opting to stay out and comes to sit beside him.

“How’s the bakery then Haz?”

“It’s alright, business is picking up. I told Liam that the advertising would work. Little shit didn’t believe me”

“Liam is anything but little”

“Not like you, my little Lou.” Harry cooed ruffling Louis hair.

“Oi! I'm not little. I'm hardly shorter than you and I'm definitely wider than the average person.” He said it in a joking manner, trying to play off his insecurities.

“You literally come up to my chest Lou. And I will have none of that self deprecating nonsense thank you. You’re soft and I think that’s beautiful.” Harry said the last part sincerely. Louis felt his tummy flutter.

He liked that Harry didn’t pretend he wasn’t fat. He acknowledged Louis was heavy, he didn’t pretend he was fit and thin. He just interpreted Louis differently than Louis sees himself.

Louis gave Harry a smile in response, not knowing what to say.

“Now c'mon Lou! Let’s go in the pool. You can keep your shirt on if you like but don’t come crying to me when you have uneven tan lines.” Harry stood up and looked at Louis expectedly.

Louis stood up and pondered for a second. These are his best mates, they don’t care what Louis looks like. Louis cares what Harry thinks but Harry has only ever voiced paragraphs of how every body is beautiful and Louis should be kinder to himself. Besides, Louis is not exactly jeopardising anything here is he? He knows that Harry doesn’t look twice at him.

He strips off and walks to the pool with Harry.

Harry can’t help but take sneaky glances at Louis, he is so bloody beautiful. He’s tan and soft and … breathtaking. He doesn’t have a single hair on his chest or belly, he’s completely smooth. His trunks are a little old, and a little small. Louis tummy sticks out and hangs down a little over the waistband. His little love handles have taken their place sitting on top of the waistband looking perky. What Harry would do to squeeze Louis all over.

Chapter Text

Zayn looked across at his friend and oh my god he had taken his shirt off. Louis was shirtless and having fun. This Harry was magic. Well, Louis was the great one. Harry had just helped him along. He knew Louis had had it rough, all his life really. His dad left him, bullied in school, abusive partner. But here he was, shining bright despite it all. He shot Louis a smile.

“Alright love?” Harry asked from across the table. They had all gotten out the pool and eaten dinner, but Louis was looking uncomfortable and tense.

“Yeah. Just ate a bit much, got too excited at the Yorkshire puddings” Louis whispered to Harry.

Harry chuckled at that, endeared by Louis cuteness. Then said “Lou, Zayn? Want a lift home? I’ve only had a beer.”

“Guys you’re all welcome to stay? It’s pretty late out.” Liam shrugged.

Louis and Zayn shared a look, but it was more Zayn seeking out how Louis was feeling.

“Yeah um sure, that would be great Li.”

They start clearing all the plates up and stacking the dishwasher, all of them tipsy bar Harry who just had a beer.

They sit around the telly on rugs and blankets just playing music and having deep chats.

“So yeah. When I came out my Da’ disowned me. Wouldn’t speak to me. My mam obviously on my side, separated from him. It helped to know I had her behind wme but it still did a job on me for a while. Still get sad about it sometimes.”

“Fuck sake. There’s never ever an excuse for homophobia but you would think in this day and age people would want to learn and grow.” Harry spoke.

“I got ridiculed in school for it.” Louis spoke quietly. “And for like, being fat and stuff. But a lot of it was after coming out which was horrible cos like, it’s something we can't change.”

Louis didn’t look up, preferring to avoid sympathy gazes.

“Yeah, you guys shouldn’t have had to come out though. You should just be able to show up with your date without second glances or questions over their gender.” Zayn said.

“But Lou. Being overweight isn’t something you need to change either. And some people can’t help it. Even if they can, It’s not bad to be heavy.” Niall said.

Louis shot Niall a giant gleaming grin.

“Thanks. I probably could help it, I’m just passionate about food haha. But yeah I can sympathise with the homophobia. Makes you feel so ashamed. I can’t imagine any of my family turning on me. So I’m so sorry you had to go through that.”

“Och I mean, it was awful. But I got through it with support. And I’m not ashamed anymore. I love who I am.”

Liam slunk his arm around Niall.

They stayed up, chatted and drank some more before they started getting sleepy and wanted to go to bed. Louis felt nerves tingle in belly. He would be sharing the spare room with Harry. But he also didn’t have anything to change into. Nothing of liams would fit. And there was no way he was going to sleep in his jeans, nor would he sleep in his boxers. Harry didn’t need to see his legs in short briefs, stretch marks galore.

Harry started to strip once they were in the room. Louis really envied that. Being able to take off your clothes without a second thought. Though, if he looked like Harry he supposes he would feel like that too.
Long lean limbs. Six pack. V lines. This man was golden. He had tiny little love handles that took their place above the waistband of his boxers. They made him a little more human, Louis thought.

He wasn’t going to start to strip though. No chance, he settled on the bed fully clothed. Teeth brushed and face washed mind you. He wasn’t a slob.

“You not getting changed Lou?”

Louis flushed. “Ehm. Nothing to change into.”

Harry looked at Louis with his intense stare. “Liam didn't give you stuff, no?’

Louis snorted. “Ehm Harry I don’t know if you noticed but Liam is a bit slimmer than I am. As buff as he is, I’m still bigger. It won’t fit.” He flushed.

“Sooo, go in your boxers?” Harry said, like it was simple.

“For your sake love, no.” Louis shook his head.

Harry pondered for a second, before leaving the room. Harry came back with a tshirt and joggies. “I’ll wear these tomorrow. You go put on my jumper that I came here in. It’ll drown you and go down to your knees. Then you don’t have to worry about me seeing your legs. Okay?”

Louis went to change, looking in the mirror by mistake. He ate a lot at dinner so he was very bloated, the top part of his tummy hard, the lower half was still soft and squishy. He pulled Harry’s jumper over his head. Harry was right, it went down to his knees and past his finger tips. He padded out the en suite and climbed into bed beside Harry who offered him a smile.

“Made you a cuppa babes.” He handed Louis the steaming mug who took it and had a sip.

“I just want to say I’m very proud of you Lou. We all are. You seem to be doing better with your eating and looking after yourself. How are you feeling? I mean, I know we haven’t spoke about Nathan much but I know how hard breakups are.”

Louis sighed and took a long drag of his drink. “Yeah Harry. I’m doing fine.”

“Sorry Lou, I just -“

“No no, Harry it’s fine. It’s just uh, m’not very good at the talking stuff.”

Harry sympathised with Louis’ comment and pulled him into a hug, arms around Louis’ plush waist. Little fists started to weakly push him away.

“Curly, stop. M’ bloated and yucky”

“What did I say to you earlier on hmm? Stop being self deprecating. Nout wrong with being bloated anyway. I am too!” Harry patted his belly. It was a bit bloated, Louis thought. Nothing like his own tummy though, he could still see the taller man’s abs. He frowned.

“Yeah well, you’re still super fit. S’not fair. I can’t try to get in shape cos everyone’s always on my case. ‘Louis, you’re not allowed to diet’ ‘Louis, eat up’” he mimicked. “You lot are too obsessed with feeding me and it’s not helping my ever growing belly.” Louis pouted, arms crossed over chest.

“Aw Lou. It’s your body, you’re welcome to try and make healthier choices but we don’t want you getting carried away. ‘Sides, you need to learn to accept yourself first. And also I think you’re perfect just as you are.”

“Piss off, wanker”

“Awww is the little kitten mad at me?”

Louis rolled his eyes. “Suppose we should try and sleep.” He started getting cosy under the blanket, closing his eyes.

“Night night Lou bear.”

“Nighty night Harold.”

Harry slept with a smile on his face that night. In disbelief that he was sharing a bed with some as amazing and beautiful as Louis.

*

Louis was dragging his feet along the floor. “Zayn”

“Stop whingeing bud. Just need to get a few more things” Zayn started grabbing fruit off the shelves. “Apple or bananas? Or both?” He asked.

“Don’t care. Wanna go home. Now. Why do I have to come along anyway?”

“Cos it’s good for you to get out. And if you’re gonna whine like a baby then I’m gonna treat you like one and you have to come with me wherever I go.” He smirked at his grumpy friend.

“Louis? God it is you, hiya babe!”

Zayn and Louis’ heads both shot forward. Louis' heart sunk deep into his belly. He knew that voice anywhere. Nathan.

“Um, hi Nathan.”

Zayn’s lips drew into a tight line. “We are going.”

“Wait, wait. Zayn is it? Just want to catch up with Lou here. Give me a minute mate.”

“No.” Zayn grabbed Louis' arm.

“Thought you were going to lose weight, doll. You told me you would, to show you could be better for me. I knew you wouldn’t -“

“Stay the fuck away from him. And me. You’re disgusting.” Zayn dragged Louis away. The boy was making sad sniffling into Zayn’s side.

Chapter Text

“See Zayn! When you’re fat people assume you’re on a diet or - or trying to lose weight! I told him I would and -“

“You see Louis. That’s the problem. Why should you? For him? You’re healthy bebz. You’re getting check ups every couple of weeks.” He shook his head, exasperated.

Louis took a minute and made the decision to be vulnerable. “Not just him, Zayn.” He mumbled. “For him. for any man. It’s the only way I can be desirable.” He sighed and leaned his head on Zayn’s chest. “I’m ugly.” And a dam was released, tears falling out again and producing wretched sobs.

“Darling you’re not.” Zayn whispered into his hair.

“Come on, eat. We’re not going down this road again Louis.” Zayn spoke.

They were at the dinner table, and Zayn had invited Harry over in the hopes to cheer Louis up. It wasn’t working. Louis was twiddling with his fork as opposed to using it for the food on his plate.

“Hey Harry, it’s Zayn.”

“Everything alright?” The worry etched in Harry’s voice as Zayn rarely called him regarding anything that wasn’t Louis’ health.

“Had a nasty run in with Louis ex. Do you think you could come down to the flat for dinner? Might cheer him up.?”

“Can do. 6pm?”

“Thanks Harry. That’s perfect”

“I’m not some charity case. Harry, I’m sorry Zayn dragged you down here but you can go.”

Once he saw the look on Harry’s face, he felt immediate regret. When he’s hurting he can’t help lashing out. Pushing people away.

“No one thinks you are Lou. It’s horrible running into your ex. We just want to be there for you.” Harry spoke.

“Oh. So you did tell him then Zayn? It was embarrassing enough that you were there! You don’t need to broadcast it to everyone” Louis retorted. He stood up, pushed his chair back and escaped to his room. He ignored the hunger pangs in his tummy.

After approximately ten minutes of sniffing and blowing his nose, there was a knock at the door. “What!?”

“It’s uh. It’s Harry. Can I come in.”

Louis felt butterflies in his belly. “Yeah, come in Haz.”

Harry emerged with an apologetic smile on his face.

“Harry I’m sorry-“

“No lou. We’re sorry. We don’t mean to like, belittle you or-or like. Treat you like you can’t look after yourself. We just want to help you.”

Louis smiled. “Thanks.”

“Anyway. Eat up. If you finish this, your favourite dessert is waiting for you in the kitchen.”

Louis took the plate and started to eat, trying to resist moans of pleasure at the dish.

“Zayn feels quite bad, he didn’t mean to upset you.”

“I know Harry. Zayn and I argue a lot. I’ll go and apologise, I promise.”

“Okay Lou. I really, really care about you. I do.” Harry smiled softly. Louis blinked up at him and put the food in his mouth, smiling back at him.

There was comfortable silence for a few minutes.

“He um. He asked me why I hadn’t lost weight.” Louis mentally slapped himself. Why did he say that.

“Nathan did?”

Louis gulped. “Yeah. He said he knew I would never do it.”

Harry’s face was a mixture of concern and anger.

“Why would he think you were going to?” The bigger man asked.

“Because he uh, well. I told him I would. For him. So he would um. Take me back”

Harry was quiet for a moment, trying to gather up his thoughts.

“Lou. I don’t know much about your relationship. He told me you dumped him. I-I really didn’t believe him. I’m just-“

“It’s complicated Harry. I don’t know why he would say that, he kicked me out. Said he was sick of my fat arse doing nothing day in, day out.” He shoved the last spoonful of pasta into his mouth.

“Lou, you know that’s abuse. The way he spoke to you? I know that I don’t know the ins and outs but from little comments you and Zayn have made…its emotional and verbal abuse.”

“I am not a victim. And we are not talking about it anymore if that’s where the conversation is going. Okay?”

It was hard to be hurt by Louis’ outbursts as when he mad he looked like a little angry hedgehog or kitten. But Harry did feel disheartened by Louis’ rejection of his attempt to get the boy to open up. But he knew he had to be patient.

Harry put his hands up in defence and took Louis' empty plate from his knee. “Cake?” He asked.

Louis hesitated and then shook his head. “No thanks Harold.”

“It’s your favourite? Vanilla with buttercream icing?” Harry tried to woo him.

“No really, the pasta was enough. But thank you for being so kind. I know I’m a pain in the arse.” Louis climbed into bed and snuggled in. He heard Harry leave the room without another word and that’s when he let his tears fall. Here he was, once again lying in bed crying over his stupid ex boyfriend who he still loved, but at the same time he really couldn’t deny his little crush on Harry anymore. But you know what, neither of those men wanted him. Because Louis was fat, unemployed and had nothing going for him.

A few minutes later there was a knock at his door again. Louis wiped his snotty nose on his jumper and beckoned whoever was at the door inside.

This time it was Harry and Zayn. Both holding steaming mugs of tea and a big piece of Harry’s cake.

“Movie night in your bed love?” Zayn asked. And Louis couldn’t say no to that face. He smiled and Harry and Zayn climbed in, one on either side of him. He got a kiss on the forehead from Zayn and one on the cheek from Harry that gave Louis a fluttery belly.

The big piece of cake was on his lap and Louis sighed.

“We all love you Lou. You’re perfect.” Zayn spoke. And the rest was left unsaid.

Louis ate the cake.

He started to stir at around 5am. He couldn’t remember falling asleep. He wiggled around a bit and accidentally booted Zayn in the knee. “Ow!”

“Sorry Z.” Louis whispered. Zayn reached his hand out and petted Louis' hip. “S‘okay darling”

He clambered out and padded to the kitchen to get some water.

Harry Styles was in his bed. Topless. Was this even real? Louis had begun to admit to himself that the idea of him and Harry was very appealing. He was oh so lovely to Louis, kind and gentle, kinda protective. But then again, so was Nathan when they first met, and look at the mess that turned out to be. Louis looked down at his belly and the way it hung slightly over his pyjama bottoms, the shirt leaving a little sliver of underbelly for anyone to see. Even though no one was around he subconsciously sucked in and pulled down at his shirt to try and cover the vulnerable pooch up

“Don’t do that darling.” Zayn muttered and wrapped his arms around Louis from behind, giving his tummy a gentle squeeze. Oh no. No one touches his belly like that. Louis batted his hands away.

“Leave my pudge alone Z” he scowled. “What are you doing awake anyway?”

“It’s cute.” Zayn smiled. “And I seem to remember someone booting me in the shin with a cold little foot.” He smirked.

“My feet are not little.” Zayn had earned another scowl from him.

“Can’t sleep boo?” He asked Louis, handing him a cup of tea and turning the telly on.

Louis shook his head and leaned into Zayn. “Tell me if I squish you.” Zayn just kissed his temple in response.

They sat in silence for a bit, concentrating on Ross and his leather pants on the telly. Friends is Louis’ ultimate comfort show and Zayn knows that.

“That’s what I look like in the morning trying to pull my jeans on.” Louis said.

“That’s because you won’t admit that you don’t fit into the jeans you got when you were in your early 20s.” Zayn retorted. Not unkindly mind you, just matter of fact.

“Ouch Zayn.”

“Louis, you need to stop thinking weight gain is bad. Just bite the bullet and go clothes shopping”

“No.”

“Well then, don’t complain that you have to squeeze into your jeans every morning. Cmon boo! Let’s go shopping today!”

“Zaynnnn.”

“This is an intervention. For your own good. Now we will have a little nap and leave around 11.” Zayn gave him a squeeze and they both drifted off again.

“Morning Lou! Wakey wakey, eggs and bakey!” Harry gently stroked Louis’ arm. He was completely endeared at the sight of Louis sleeping on the sofa, little snuffly breaths leaving his mouth every few minutes. His pyjamas left a little sliver of pudge poking out and Harry had to do everything in his power not to squeeze it. This man was just so damn adorable.

Louis started to stir and groaned a little. “Don’t want bakey. Too fattening. Just dippy eggs please” he muttered.

Harry rolled his eyes. “Dippy eggs and no bacon coming right up. Now up you get Lou! We’re going shopping!”

Louis padded into the kitchen twenty minutes later with soft damp hair and sleepy eyes.

Zayn was drinking coffee and had a cigarette in his hand whilst reading something on his phone. “This little shit kicked me this morning and woke me up.” Zayn told Harry without looking up.

“Yeah and then he proceeded to tell me how chubby I am cos I can’t get my jeans on like Ross in friends.” Louis shot back, making puppy eyes at Harry.

“All I said is, you wouldn’t have trouble if you wore clothes in your size, don’t go twisting my words.” Zayn pretended to be angry but poured Louis a cup of tea and pushed his soft boiled egg towards him.

Louis scowled at him and dipped his toast in the yolk.

“I can’t believe how fat I am! Look at the size of them, they’re like a bloody parachute!” Louis groaned at the jeans Zayn handed him. His tone was light and airy but both Harry and Zayn knew the immense insecurity that was nestled deep inside the lovely man.

“Shut up Louis. Stop calling yourself fat like it’s a bad thing. Just try the jeans on and give Harry and I a fashion show.” Zayn handed him a cream cable knit jumper.

He stomped off to the changing rooms and pulled the jeans on.

Okay, they weren’t bad. He hadn’t felt this comfortable in clothes for a long time. They were a little roomy but that would be good for the winter pounds that he always packed on. The jumper was lovely too, baggy on his narrow shoulders and the arms went past his finger tips. It stuck to his tummy just a tad but Louis knew it would be hard to find something that wouldn’t. He nervously went outside the room to find Zayn and Harry who were waiting for him on one of the benches.

“You look dashing darling.” Zayn smiled. He reached out to pull at the sleeve. “This swallows you but it’s adorable.” Louis smacked him with the end of his new jumper.

“You look great lou. Really great.” Harry said seriously. He raked his eyes over Louis’ body which just made him feel self conscious and suck his tummy in.

“Okay. Guess I’ll grab a couple more parachute sized jeans and meet you both out front?”