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Chapter Text

"Oops!" shouted Harry with red cheeks. He looked ashamed at the other boy and wanted to apology, but he kept silent as the boy’s laugh filled the toilets.

"Hi," he said, friendly, seeming undisturbed that he just got a bit of a strangers’ pee spilled on his shoe. "I'm Louis." He stretched his hand out, but suddenly realized that that was not really the moment to shake hands so he stumbled over to the sinks to wash himself.

Harry finished up behind him. “Uh, hi. I'm Harry. I'm so sorry for what just happened.”

"Don't worry, it’s fine,” reassured Louis, drying the water and soap away. “It’s a nervous day that’s what it is.”

“Yeah,” signed Harry, “tell me about it.” The whole drive from Cheshire to London he’d been biting his nails while watching the people that passed on the streets. He intended to do that when he was feeling agitated.

Louis smiled softly. “It’s going to be fine. I've heard your audition and you have an amazing voice. Really, you're definitely going to get through."

Harry was flattered by the compliment, and his cheeks colored in a different shade of pink now. "Thanks," he smiled.

"Could I get your autograph?" asked Louis and Harry frowned. As Louis noticed that Harry was a bit confused he laughed. "Just thinking that you're gonna be famous, I have a feeling you will. And when
you are, I have got the pleasure of having Harry Styles' pee splashed on me," grinned Louis.

"All right," said Harry, still expecting that the other boy was pulling out some joke with him. “Uh, this is the first time I'm doing this. You've got a pen?"

Louis grabbed a small black notebook out of his pocket, along with some inked and gave them to Harry. "Can you write it here?"

Harry looked curious at the notebook, it seemed like it had had it best days, like it was regularly used. This first half was fully written, different lines over each other with almost no white paper visible. He searched the last page, one of the few that was still a fully blank one, and wrote his name down next to a little note saying: ‘fate made it happen’.

Louis read the line and grinned.

*

As they were called forward to line up, the atmosphere was quiet but thrumming, like the tense silence in the seconds between rolling thunder. At least it was right to the point: it took only a couple of minutes to space them evenly and start the roll call. Harry listened in growing desperation as names were slowly announced, boys disappearing offstage with fist pumps and exhilarated grins.

John. Nicolo. Paije. Aiden. Marlon. Karl. Matt. Tom.

At the time they had announced the names on stage of the ones who would get through the contest, and Harry hadn’t heard his, he had felt more alone than ever. All the hope he had had was burned out, all that remained was a pile of ashes that slipped through his fingers, just like that.

Caught in his own sadness he almost didn't notice the other boys he became friends with over the past weeks crying next to him. Louis found him and buried his face in his shoulder as they walked back off the stage, hitching sobs muffled in Harry’s shirt. Zayn attached himself to Harry's other side. Niall and Liam both get accosted by cameras and walk away mid-sentence, tears falling too hard to continue. "This was the most terrible event of my life. Standing there waiting for my name to be called and then it's not," sniffed Niall, and he pulled his sweater over his face to hide his sobs, leaning his face into the middle of Zayn’s back. Liam was repeating over and over again that he didn't want to go home, Harry yanked him into the forming cuddle pile as well. He wanted to fall down, to collapse under the weight of his grief, but he couldn’t—he had to stand up for these boys who were trusting him to hold them up. It felt like they all had been defeated on the merciless battlefield.

But then something changed, out of nowhere they were asked to wait.

“Got some last-minute instructions,” called the headset-wearer. Harry didn’t care. His heart was crushed and mangled and left to rot on the dusty, scuffed floor of the Wembley stage, and it was breaking from the weight of the boys sobbing into his shirt from all sides.

“I’ve got five names here, the judges want you back on stage,” the headset-wearer said. Maybe there was a chance that some names could still survive.

They were theirs: “Zayn Malik, Liam Payne, Harry Styles." Harry couldn't believe it, tingles of excitement and nerves raged through his veins. “Niall Horan and Louis Tomlinson,” read the assistant further from the white piece of paper that held his future. Harry saw Louis nervously biting his nails so he smiled at him to let him know that it would be okay, even though he wasn't fully sure of that himself.
Following Liam on stage, Harry noticed four girls coming up the other ramp to join them as well. They were holding hands. Harry wanted someone’s hand to hold if he was going to be told once more that he didn’t belong here, so he settled for gripping Niall’s jacket in his fist.

Simon, Louis Walsh and the guest judge, Nicole Scherzinger were sat in the front row seats, and they would vacillate between looking at their papers, and then again at them on stage. Finally Nicole spoke through the cutting silence: "Hello," she said softly into a microphone. "Thank you for coming back." Her voice filled up the massive stage, which had seemed so small when a hundred other acts were around them. Now Harry could feel the open space behind them and it seemed wide as an ocean at his back. "I know judging from some of your faces that this must be really hard. We thought long and hard about it and we thought of each of you as individuals and we just feel that you're too talented to let go of. We think it would be a great idea to have two separate groups." While they listened to the judges talking, Louis wrapped his hand over Harry’s shoulder and pinched it softly for encouragement.

Nobody knew what to think of that announcement, but then Simon Cowell said something that made it crystal clear: “We decided to put you through to the Judge’s Houses.”

They all reacted stunned and cheered and Harry jumped in Louis' arms. Hugging him tightly. He didn't want this moment, this feeling to ever stop. He leaned his head on the boy's shoulder, to hide his overwhelming emotions that were falling down in tears.

“Guys, girls,” interrupted Simon. “This is a lifeline, you've got to work ten, twelve, fourteen hours a day, every single day. Take this opportunity, you have got a real shot here,” said he seriously. “I absolutely wish you the best for going forward and maybe we can meet again at some point,” he winked and smiled at each one of them.

“You want some time to go and make a decision?” asked Simon.

Harry watched the other lads for a moment, smiling. “We would like to take our opportunity,” he answered confidently. And that was the start of everything.

*

"This is amazing guys," said Louis relieved as they were standing with the five of them together in the hall, still recovering from what just had happened.

"Never thought that was going to happen, but it's great. I'm happy we're not like complete strangers to each other or something like that," agreed Harry and they smiled at each other.

Liam takes part of the conversation too. "Yeah, I definitely didn't see that one coming. I guess we should work very hard in a very short time, but we can do this if they believe we can." It had taken some time to let the idea sink in, but now that they were more familiar with it, it sounded actually really exciting.

"I don't know what they expect from us, we never sang together before or something like that" said Zayn confused and a bit insecure, it seemed like he was still shocked because of what happened. "But I'm really happy that we are still in the competition. It was terrible on that stage before." Somehow Harry knew that Zayn spoke always from his heart and that he was completely honest. He loved that about him.

Niall made a funny noise. "Indeed, terrible," commented he with his funny Irish accent. "I'm glad we're in this together though."

Harry needed to laugh just every time he had heard the remarkable accent in the shortly time he had become friends with Niall. "Yeah, me too," agreed he again while he tried to stop his cackle and he was glad when Louis joined him.

"Okay, now I'm a little offended here," complained Naill, but he was smiling too. He had used an even more stronger accent, if that was even possible, which had made them fall in laughter. Harry thought absently that it would be great to have Niall in the band, he made everything more easy and funny. After they had finished guffawing, they already felt more comfortable with the idea of them being together.

But then, the thought of what happened had overwhelmed them again. "What are we even supposed to do? We don't even have a band name or have never written songs together or something like that... I mean what are we even going to wear?" Liam got nervous, this was way to much to progress in such short time.

"We should wear Louis' clothes, they're cool," pointed Harry randomly out and his cheeks flushed when the boy stared at him. Luckily the others didn't notice and they agreed with Harry.

"Yeah, I like his shoes," added Niall and Louis felt uncomfortable with all the attention so he just chuckled it away.

"You nailed it there on stage though Harry. When they suggested to put us in a group I was like: alright that's an option, let's discuss it. And there was Harry with his: 'We like to take our opportunity', so I thought: 'yeah, why not?'" rambled Liam a bit on.

Harry smiled happily. "We got a second chance so why not take it? I felt like it was the only way to go to be honest."

"I really like that, like it was meant to happen, you know. One way for us all to go." The stare between Harry and Louis was more than just looking each other in the eyes. It felt more like they completely understood and shared their thoughts.

"One direction," whispered Harry secretly at him, believing that they were having a private moment in which the other boys weren't paying attention to them.

"That should be our band name!" proposed Niall suddenly, which obliged Harry and Louis to break their intense eye-locking, realizing that they had been watched.

"I like that: One Direction," said Zayn and Liam agreed: "Yeah, I feel like that could work."

"One Direction it is."

They talked on a while about all the stuff that was coming up for them and Harry was disappointed when he realized it was almost time to go home. He wanted to spend more time with the boys, they really had had a good time on the boot-camp. Suddenly popped an idea in his head so he shared it with his friends: "you know, my stepdad has this bungalow and if you guys want, we can stay there for a few days to get to know each other a little more better and maybe getting some new ideas for our band."

Liam looked like he was thinking really deep while nodding. "Yeah, that sounds good. Great idea, Harry," said Liam confirming and Harry felt a bit proud of himself. "Maybe we could already start writing our own songs." Zayn nodded along with Liam.

"Well, I don't know if I'm ready to have serious conversations with this funny lad here," Louis putted an arm around Niall. "But I will gave it a try."

Niall laughed and pushed Louis away. "We'll see, we'll see. I'm in with the plan, Harry. It'll be sick! I can bring my guitar and we can sing beside the bungalow. Drinking a few pines, having a laugh."

They exchanged numbers before they told each other goodbye and went home. Harry was really glad that he got Louis his. Once he was home he felt like he wanted to talk with him, he missed him already. But he doubted to do it because it could be weird. When he was in bed at late night he couldn't resist it though so he send Louis a text. He knew that he was probably asleep, but he could give it a try.

They ended up texting the rest of the evening until they were too tired to keep their eyes open at the lightning screen so they told each other goodnight. Harry slept that night with a smile stuck on his lips.

Chapter Text

Harry was still proud of himself for sending that first text, because without it they wouldn't be talking as much as they did now. When he went to sleep, they texted, and when he woke up he saw a few more texts from the night before, it didn't matter how long he stayed up, because Louis stayed up longer. Harry felt that he would miss Louis a lot if he would disappear out of his life right now, since he was the first person he could talk about literally everything. You don't have that with much people, so Harry knew Louis was going to be important in his life. Maybe it was weird, since they were just a few days apart, but he couldn't wait to see him again. He looked forward at their time in his stepdad's bungalow.

Harry smiled when he read Louis' response on Harry's good-morning-text and putted his phone back in his jeans pocket. He was going a little earlier to the bungalow to make himself already a bit comfortable so he needed to pack fast.

"Harry, are you ready to go?" called a voice from downstairs that belonged to his stepdad, Robin.

"Yeah, just a minute!" answered Harry as he threw his final clothes in his suitcase.

The last time he that he went to the bungalow was during last vacation to have nice a family time. It had been really great and Harry had good memories at the place. The walls and floors where all made of wood which made the place really cosy, with a hearth in front of the couch. He lightened the fire with his stepdad to let the house warm up and stabled some extra food in the kitchen, so that they definitely wouldn't starve.

Finally it was three p.m. and Louis was the first one to arrive. They greeted each other and Harry gave him a house tour, while their parents had a little chat. "This place is really great, Harry."

Harry smiled as he heard the other boy saying his name. "Thanks. Happy you're here." Louis smiled back, but before he could answer, they were interrupted.

"Harry and Louis, Zayn is here!" called a voice them from outside so they broke eye-contact and went downstairs to greet Zayn.

"Glad you could make it. I will help you with one of these," Harry took one of Zayn's suitcases and wondered how long the boy was planning to stay with all this stuff. Soon after arrived Niall and Liam and they all end up in this big group of boys and their parents. It almost lasted an hour before everyone finished from talking and left.

"They can talk," sighed Louis. "Especially my mom."

"Yeah, funny story I heard there from Jay, Louis," teased Harry and Louis rolled his eyes at him, a bit groaning of embarrassment. Harry let it go, knowing that he'll have enough time to tease Louis about it later. "Okay, I'll let you guys first pack out your stuff and maybe we can have a bonfire after that."

"MARSHMALLOWS!!" shouted Naill happily.

"Sure, that could be arranged for you, Niall," chuckled Harry.

"Where can we sleep?" asked Liam.

"I'll show you," answered Harry and he gestured to the others to follow him on the stairs. "Okay, there are three rooms for 2 persons, so we need to split. Wants somebody to sleep alone?"

"Uh, I want that if that's okay," said Zayn and Harry relied that that was fine.

"Are we going together in a room, Nailler?" asked Liam to the Irish lad, who agreed with his hilarious accent: "great idea, Payno." After that, they also disappeared in their room to pack out.

"Well, I guess it's chosen then, Hazza," announced Louis while he entered the last room.

"Hazza?" asked Harry confused when he followed him inside. The room was filled with a large bed with white sheets. Harry hoped that Louis wouldn't mind sleeping together.

"Yeah, you don't like that, being called Hazza?"

"No, I like it actually, Lou," answered Harry while he let himself fall on the bed. Louis chuckled by his own new nickname and went further with putting his clothes away.

"How can you be so clean?" asks Harry. "You should see my suitcase."

"Well, I have respect to my clothes."

"I don't think they bother."

"How can you know that for sure?"

After a few seconds the staring became to much for Harry so he looked away from Louis stare to hid his blush. "Uh, so far I believe, clothes can't speak so we'll never know."

"Yeah, I guess we'll not," said Louis with a smile, ending the non-substantive conversation. He jumped in the bed too after he was done packing out. "You know I still can't believe that everything changed so much and that I made it through so far. I knew I wasn't going to be with the names on stage so I kinda lost my hope. But then came us, so yeah, I'm really happy."

Harry was glad that Louis opened up to him at first, it made it easier for him. "Me too. I wasn't ready to give that all up, singing is been my dream for like forever and I'm so excited about everything that's coming for us." Louis smiled to him as an answer, which left them eye-locked, again.

"Harreyyyy!! Where are there marshmallows?" heard they suddenly from the hallway, followed by a guffaw from Zayn and a loud sigh from Liam.

"I guess someone needs marshmallows, let's go," suggested Louis as he stood up from the comfortable bed. Harry doing the same a second after.

"Oh, and to be honest-" Suddenly Louis stopped, which caused Harry almost bumping into him. Louis held him by his shoulders to keep him steady. "My mom has packed my suitcase, in reality I'm the opposite of that suitcase. And that means really, really messy."

Harry laughed and shook his head at the boy in front him. Louis just smirked and continued his way. Harry followed again, still with the vibe of their little moment in his head. They all went down and while Liam, Niall and Louis went outside to collect some wood for the bonfire, stayed Harry and Zayn inside to prepare the food.

"How are you?" asked Harry the shy boy. To be fair, he wasn't that quiet, it just seems that way compared to the other lads, who were really, really loud.

"Good, thanks. So what are we gonna eat except marshmallows?" They both laughed.

"Well, I thought to make some hamburgers, doesn't everyone like hamburgers?"

"Facts. Hey, man, can we listen to some music?"

"Sure, there is the stereo." Once the music came, they danced a little on the beat and sang the lyrics with it. "I will make the burgers and the unions. Do you think we'll need vegetables?" asked Harry while searching all the food in the fridge, which there was plenty of, luckily, because Harry thought they would need it all for Niall, since the boy always acted like he was famished.

"Yeah, I can make them," suggested Zayn. Together they made to meal and they had a lot of fun, they talked about music and food and how they ended up here. Harry was happy that he could call Zayn a friend, the boy was really nice and caring and really funny if you get to know him.

After almost half an hour the other boys were back and lightened the fire. Again you could hear Niall screaming 'marshmallows', until he came inside and saw the hamburgers. "Woah! Harry and Zayn you're my heroes!"

Everyone made a hamburger with onions and the vegetables that Zayn had chopped, after they went all to the bonfire to sit in a circle. Zayn seated down between Harry and Liam. Next to Harry was Niall positioned and across of him was Louis, not a bad view, he thought. The conversation went really easy, they talked about the contest and their dreams and their futures. They even got to sing a couple songs together that they heard on the radio before and liked a lot.

It was strange, because the five of them don’t really know each other at all. They had been thrown together by the will of Simon Cowell, end they hadn’t seen each other since they were put together as a band at bootcamp over a month ago (texting everyday helped lessen the distance, but it wasn’t the same as talking in person and Harry had missed them); yet here they are, just two weeks away from their trek across the globe to wherever their Judge’s House is and a chance at a spot in the final twelve on the X Factor.
It should feel strange, knowing that they’re five random lads from across the U.K. and they have nothing really in common other than singing. But it rather felt like being lumped in with four new best friends.

"We should do a game our something," said Niall, while everyone ate their marshmallows except from Harry, who was he allergic of them.

"Truth or dare," decided Louis, "Harry you're first."

"Uh, truth."

"When was your first kiss?"

"I think I was twelve, we kissed against a three if I remember it well."

"Boy or girl?"

"Uh, girl. Hey, you get only one question at the turn!" objected Harry.

"Sorry," replied Louis with a smile, but it didn't look like he meant his apology. After that, Harry caught Louis staring at him multiple times and he did the same back. At one time catching Harry staring, Louis gave him a wink which made Harry laugh.

"Okay, Zayn, you're up. Truth or dare?" asked Harry.

"Dare," answered he with confidence, he was already a lot more relaxed now when they had opened up about their lives and got to know each other a bit better.

"Show us the dance from the bootcamp."

"Harry, you're so rude," replied Zayn but he laughs with it. On the bootcamp, they had needed all to preform a little dance for the judges, but Zayn went hiding backstage because he was unsure of his dancing. Harry didn't know why, Zayn was actually really great at it. Now he nailed it again and everyone cheered for him.

"Alright, Niall you're up," said Zayn when he got to sit down again.

"Dare," answered Niall.

"Put ten marshmallows on your stick and eat them all at once"

"Thanks man," responded Naill happily, Harry didn't really got why, because he was sure of the fact that Niall would get serious stomach issues after eating so much marshmallows.

"Okay, Payno. Truth or dare?" questioned Niall as he had downed all the the sticky white cubes.

"Truth," said Liam.

Harry caught Louis staring at him so turned his attention to him, asking. "Boring," murmured Louis at him so he chuckled, followed with Louis giving him a wink, something that Harry really started to like.

"Who is the funniest of us?" asked Niall, which was a dangerous question. Harry saw him dying for the answer.

"I think you are," was Liams reply and Niall laughed, happy with himself and proud of Liam. Harry honed immediately in on Louis again to gauge his reaction to this.

"It's you," whispered he to him, grinning foolish. Louis looked surprised up, and there was bright pleasure in his eyes.

Harry loved how the firelight flickered over his different face parts, leaving shadows in the curves, his face drawn sharply. This caused that Louis' cheekbones stood more out than normal, his features not so soft anymore. His lips were wet from slipping his tongue over them all night long, his eyes bright like the little stars that marked the sky. Harry realized that he could stare forever at him.

After a while everyone got tired and they decided to finish the game tomorrow. When everyone left to go to their room, Harry stayed sitting at the fire little longer to experience his new found feeling of happiness. A warmth had spread through his body the whole evening, causing that he hadn't felt cold at all. It had only been a day and he believed already that this was going to be one of the best times of his life.

He tried to stay quiet as he climbed the stairs, but that was an impossible task knowing that the place was all made of wood that cracked the moment as he stood on it.

Harry knew that Louis was still up by his tossing and turning. “Are you awake?” he asked softly, as he had settled under the sheets himself.

“I am,” muttered Louis tiredly as he moved around to look at Harry. “Can’t you sleep?”

Harry shook his head, facing Louis on his side. “There has been so much happening in the last days and I'm so overwhelmed that I can’t even bring myself to close my eyes without thinking about it,” he explained in a hushed tone, talking out loud would only disturb.

“Then don't,” Louis said. "We were out and now we're not. I don't think we've much control in it anyway. We'll just have to take our chances.”

Harry fidgeted with the blanket. “But how are we supposed to get all this done in two weeks? We have so little time… It stresses me out.”

“Oh, poor Harry. Should I sing a lullaby for you to relax?” Louis teased, almost coming so close that he would touch Harry if he stretched his fingertips. Harry pushed him away and laughed. “You dork.” And even though Harry couldn't see Louis, he knew that he was smiling.

“There's actually a song I know, but- nevermind,” mumbled Louis shyly.

“Well, you can’t back down now. I would love to hear your voice again. Will you sing for me?” Harry tried to persuade him, but he could feel Louis turning around.

“No.”

Harry filled the space between them and he could feel him stiffen as he touched his waist. "Please," he purred in his ear.

And then, he heard the most wonderful voice that he could ever imagine: “I'm broken, do you hear me? I'm blinded, 'cause you are everything I see. I'm dancing, alone. I'm praying that your heart will just turn around. I've never had the words to say, but now I'm asking you to stay, for a little while inside my arms. And as you close your eyes tonight, I pray that you will see the light that's shining from the stars above.”

Harry kept silent for a moment, trying to linger at the sung words that still replayed in his mind. “That was beautiful, Lou. Did you write that?”

“Yeah, and now I feel horrible, because I failed to sing you to sleep,” scoffed Louis playfully, still feeling a bit flushed. He’d never sung so vulnerable to someone. He turned back to face him, Harry’s hand remained on Louis’ stomach and he felt it tingling as they got lost in stares of blue and green.

“I just needed to stay awake to tell you that I loved it,” said Harry genuinely.

“Really?”

“Really,” he promised. Louis smiled and closed his eyes. Harry was aware of the fact that his arm was still wrapped around him, but he let them just there. “Good night, Lou.”

"Sleep tight," whispered Louis back and he laid his head beneath Harry's, leaning against his chest. It seemed like he didn't mind the hugging at all.

*

Harry's first sight in the morning was Louis' face, just a few inches away from his. His arm was on Louis' waist and Louis must have brought his arm around Harry's too somewhere in his sleep. Harry loved their skins touched and how their legs were strangled underneath the sheets.

He had to stop himself from wanting to touch that pretty face while he just kept lying there. He noticed how young Louis looked, even when he was more than two years older, Harry couldn't help but thinking he was cute. He knew he shouldn't think in that way of his friend, but he decided to keep it just for himself as something to dream about.

After like a quarter opened the other boy his bright blue eyes. "Morning," greeted Harry him with a smile, trying to stare not too creepy.

"Good morning, Haz."

Harry stretched himself and yawned, acting like he woke up at the same time as Louis. Unfortunately, Louis released himself from Harry quickly and went out the bed. Harry missed the warmth of his body just the second he went out. "What are you doing?" asked he.

Louis looked confused. "Uh, getting up?"

"How can you do that?"

He smirked. "It's not that hard, Hazza. C'mon," and after he said that he flipped the blanket away from Harry, who was only in boxers and t-shirt. He had worn the t-shirt to make Louis more comfortable, but he refused to wear trackers in his sleep like Louis did. Louis should be glad that he didn't slept totally naked like usually.

Harry groaned as due the cold air bumps appeared on his skin and he tried to steal the blanket back. "No, Lou, it's early."

"It isn't, it's around lunchtime. See, you're up. Wasn't that hard, was it?" said Louis proud as Harry came out the bed to chase him.

Harry responded with an angry glare, he appreciated some morning sleep from time to time. Especially some that had felt so good. Louis ran away down the stairs as he saw Harry's intimidating look and pretended that he was scared. He yelled through the house, serving as an alarm clock for anybody who was still asleep, and made Harry laugh because of his stupid behaviour. Luckily for him there was no chance for him to make someone really mad and grumpy, since the other three boys had already woken up and were downstairs.

"I'm going to take a shower," announced Harry, still chuckling a bit. "Don't come in there," warned he the boys by pointing threatening at them. "Or actually, I don't mind."

Niall's laughter was heard through the room, along with Liam an Zayn's more quiet chuckling from the couch they were laying on. Harry surely new how to do the ice breaking thing in contrary to Louis, who didn't knew what to think of that comment, but before he could react, Harry was already gone.

He set his mind off he went to the kitchen to make some pancakes, one of the few things he thought he was capable of. Niall stuck around with him passing the ingredients and putting his fingers in the bol where the dough was in to lick them off. Louis didn't mind him doing that because he did the same and Niall was a lovely person really.

He was just making his first pancake when Harry walked back in, only wearing a towel. "Great abs, mate," complimented Niall as he checked Harry's bare chest shamefully out.

"Thanks," said Harry, proud rolling some imagined muscles. "What are you two making?"

"Pancakes. At least I'm trying to," answered Louis, eyeing his failed creation laying in the crisping butter.

"Oh, I see," commented Harry critic and he jumped between Niall and Louis to come closer. "Yeah, that's not right, it's way to thick to be considered a pancake," said Harry a bit arrogant.

Louis raised his eyebrows at him, a bit offended. "So you can do it better?"

"Of course I can," shrugged Harry, still acting snobbish.

"Oh, please, show me," Louis' voice is dripping of sarcasm.

Harry pushed him a bit out of the way to take control over the pancakes. He wanted to throw Louis' failed pancake away, but Niall stopped him and started eating it. Harry shook his head disappointed at his friend, but continued with his cooking. "You were doing it all wrong. First of all the dough must be a lot more fluent, more eggs and milk. Secondly, you don't put too much on in the pan and you have to make sure it's spread out over the surface."

Louis glared unimpressed at him. "If you put more eggs and milk in it, you should also at more sugar" pointed he out as he took the sugar bag from the counter. He tried to throw some in the bol but Harry stole the sugar from his hands to stop him and some sugar grains flew out of the package.

"Get out of my kitchen!" Harry pushed Louis away with his towel covered hip.

"Piss off," snapped Louis back.

"Wanker."

Louis gaped at him and took Harry's towel to pull it away as revenge. Harry grabbed his wrist to stop him, but it was too late and his towel fell on the ground, losing his purpose. Louis didn't knew what he expected, but it certainly wasn't Harry standing naked in front of him, holding his hand.

"Shit, it's getting hot in here," yelled Niall, who was eyeing their scene all along. Harry released Louis and they both turned around to look questioning at Niall who started to yell again. "The pancake is burning!" Harry tried to do his best to recover it, but it was hopeless.

"And you were bragging about being the good cook. My ass," scoffed Louis teasingly and Harry was ready to shot back an answer as Liam suddenly was caught in their sight.

"Why is Harry making pancakes naked?"

"It's quite liberating," commented Harry nonchalant and Louis chuckled. He knew he would have a hard time getting this event out of his head too.

After some delicious pancakes they decided to do nothing that required too much energy, so they did a quite vote before they all went to the couch and turned on the TV for watching all their X-factor auditions. Harry wished that they hadn't cut so much of Louis' audition out, his part in vain was long and he felt embarrassed when he saw his blushing face on the screen. They laughed a lot about each other and it was really weird that all that felt ages ago, but in reality it was not even a week.

"Hey, Hazza. Do you maybe have some beer here?" asked Louis him as the sun started to set.

Liam talked before Harry could answer. "Louis, you may be eighteen, but Harry is the youngest, and I don't think it's responsible to-"

"I have been drunk before, there's not much about it, Liam" interrupted Harry him. "I will fetch the beer." He received some cheers from Louis, Niall and Zayn.

Other than the evening before, they decided to stay inside because of the cold. They took place in a circle again and this time seated Louis next to Harry, who definitely felt how their knees touched. After a few bottles of beer and after a lot of laughing was everyone a little tipsy. "Can we play truth or dare again?" suggested Zayn.

"Sure. What do you choose?"

"Dare."

Harry considered about the dare and grinned, thinking about himself earlier that day. "Go running one time around the house without your clothes."

"Aight," Zayn got up and pulled his shirt and pants out before he hesitated. "Wait, did you mean completely naked?" Harry didn't want him to be uncomfortable so he started saying that it in his shorts was fine until he got rudely interrupted.

"YES, MALIK, COMPLETELY NAKED!" insisted Louis loud out of nowhere. Zayn laughed, shrugged and ran outside after the rest could take a quick look at his bum. When Zayn arrived back, freezing of course, was everyone still laughing.

The game went on for a while, but Harry's attention was triggered as Liam questioned Louis his truth: "If you had to choose between us, who would you kiss?"

"Obviously Harold! Haven't you seen those soft lips of him?" said he loud and Harry blushed at the drunk confession from the blue eyed boy. After that dared Louis Niall to sit on Liam's lap, but Harry didn't even noticed. He hadn't even thought about the possibility that the boy who he admired may be interested in him too. People say always straight what they think when they're drunk, right? So maybe Louis wanted to kiss him for real.

"Harry?" asked Niall, sounding like he had repeated it multiple times.

"Huh?" commented Harry confused.

"Haha, you zoned out for a moment. Truth or dare?"

"Uh, truth."

Niall quickly discussed secretly with Liam behind him before he turned his attention at Harry again, smiling smugly: "would you find it worse if Louis would kiss you?"

Harry was confused by the question. "What? Of course not," he ran his hand through his hair to control his nerves. He felt this strange tension in the air, but he couldn't put is finger on it. "Truth or dare, Zayn?"

"Dare"

"Go sit on Niall's lap."

Liam's eyes widened. "Harry, please no!" But Zayn was already on top of the two with Liam crushed to the ground. They tried to position themselves more comfortable while Zayn asked Louis truth or dare.

"Dare."

Liam whispered something in Zayn's ear with Niall eavesdropping but it seemed like he heard nothing new. The three of them started laughing and look at each other conspiratorially. "Louis," said Zayn, "I dare you to kiss Harry."

Louis sat shocked and quiet for a moment, which was a really weird act for him, normally he would be jumping around and screaming random stuff. Harry in contrary smiled at the thought that something like that would happen, maybe would his dreams turn into reality.

"Are you okay with this, Haz?" asked Louis insecure as he turned to Harry.

"Yeah, it's fine."

Louis' face came slowly closer and he laid his hand on Harry's cheek, who blushed against his skin. The blue eyes looked intense in the green ones, asking for permission. Harry smiled at the nervous boy as approval and suddenly Louis' soft lips touched Harry's. He didn't move, nor did Harry. They just felt each other and let the electricity between them do their work, connecting them in a way they had both never been connected with anyone else before. A whole damn colony of butterflies entered in his stomach, it seemed like his heart was going to pop out of his chest. Harry heard the other boys cheering and felt the warmth of happiness flowing through his body. Louis' lips left Harry's, who was disappointed that the kiss lasted way so short. He couldn't help the smile that was stuck his face for the whole evening. He couldn't focus on the game anymore, he could only relive the kiss over and over again in his head.

A while after the kiss lowered the excitement of the other boys and they all want to go to sleep, leaving their empty and half full beer bottles behind. Harry had Louis had cleaned the patio, but hadn't really talked since then. There was a tense atmosphere between them that Harry wished to be gone.

"Uh, are you coming?" asked Louis as he stood uncomfortable in the front of Harry.

"Oh, no, I'm not tired, I'm just gonna stay here for a while I guess, I don't want to keep you up."

Louis turned his gaze away from him and nodded, like he decided something for himself. "Alright. Goodnight, Harry."

"Night, Lou."

Harry shrugged the weird vibe of his shoulders and took a pen and a paper to try to write some stuff down. Writing songs was actually the thing they planned on doing in the bungalow from the beginning, but until now there wasn't happened much from. Now as he thought about it, it surprised Harry that Liam hadn't said anything about it at all. He guessed that the lad was enjoying his time here too, before the hard work would arrive on the X-Factor. Harry sensed with them all a little bit stress, because of the big days that were in front of them after this little vacation.

Back home, Harry had tried already some songwriting, but it took a lot of effort and he got tired of his own lyrics soon. It always felt like there wasn't enough meaning in them. However, for the first time, it seemed like the words flew out of his heart.

Harry wasn't surprised as he realized that he wrote about Louis. He thought back again about he night before, how they felt to sleep hugging like that, and how they woke up the same way. Harry had never felt that way before, like he had found his home. He still couldn't believe he and Louis kissed. He didn't think they would have if they hadn't drunk so much and it the dare wasn't involved. They were both to scared to admit it to each other, whatever that thing that they felt may be.

But Harry didn't care how it happened, he was just glad that it happened.

*

The next morning was totally different from the last. Instead of lying with just a few inches from each other, they were both at the furthest sides of the mattress. Harry felt cold and alone on his side of the bed. The smile from yesterday had left his lips and was replaced with a frown. Louis laid with his back turned to him and it seemed more to Harry like he wasn't even in the room, or at least, like he didn't want to be there.

There could only be one reason for this sudden change: their kiss of last night. Yesterday, as Harry went to sleep after his writing, he tried to climbed the cracking stairs as quiet as possible. When he touched the door handle, a stripe of light shone on Louis body covered by sheets.

Harry had slide silently under the covers, making sure that the bed wouldn't crack. He looked at Louis back and at the gap between them, questioning why Louis laid on the edge of the bed, almost falling off. He wondered if he should wake him and he reached out slowly. As he stretched his fingers to brush Louis' shoulder blade, he flinched.

"Yeah?" He asked quietly, looking over his shoulder.

"Everything okay?" Harry questioned, his voice heavy with the tiredness that had gotten him and something else more emotional.

"Yeah," Louis said again except this time it wasn't a question but a final answer.

Harry took his hand back to himself and stared at Louis back, trying to figure out why Louis was so closed about this. All he knew was that the foot between his body and Louis' felt endless.

*

Harry had been staring at the window for half an hour now, because didn't want to leave the bed before Louis. There was no clear reason for that one, he just felt like waking up meant that he would be confronted with everything from last evening. For the first time, he regretted the kiss, he even wished it never happened. Then would everything between him and Louis be normal again, without confused feelings surrounding them. But he couldn't change the past, so maybe he should face his problems. Just when Harry was about to leave the bed, Louis sighed at the same time and got up as fast as he could to leave the room, not even throwing a glance at Harry.

After a few minutes of self pity, Harry decided to go downstairs as well. Everybody was already there, trying to talk about some stuff but avoiding the kiss. It seemed like Louis already made clear that that was something he didn't want to talk about. The tension between Harry and Louis was there the whole day and the other boys fet it to. Harry didn't know what to say to Louis, but he needed someone to talk to. So he went to Zayn's room and knocked on the door. "Can I come in?"

"Yeah." Zayn pulled his headphones off when Harry came in. He offered Harry to take place next to him on the bed. "What's up?"

"I don't know, it's about Louis. He's acting weird after what happened yesterday. I thought he wouldn't make such a big deal of it, but now it looks like he hates me," told Harry him sad.

"I'm sure he doesn't hate you," comforted Zayn him. "But it may be possible that he's confused with his feelings. Aren't you?"

"Yeah, I am. Or actually not, I mean- I wish we hadn't kissed, because I liked how Lou acted to me while we were friends you know, but I think- I think I like him more than just a friend so, I don't know- I didn't disliked the kiss you know?"

Zayn laughed about Harry's confusing confession. "I get how you feel about Louis."

"You do?"

"Yeah, we all do. It was pretty clear how you guys stare at each other all the time. That's how we came up with the dare in the first place," explained Zayn.

"Wait, you guys believe that Louis likes me too?"

"Yes, we're pretty sure. You should see the way he looks at you all day."

Harry let the words sink in and realized that Zayn could be right. He remembered how Louis likked his lips as he looked at him and touched were it was possible. However, if he liked Harry, why would he act like he did now? Maybe Zayn was right, maybe Louis was confused too. "Alright, but what do have to do? He doesn't talk to me. He doesn't even look at me, it just doesn't feel right."

"Well, the only think you can do is talk to him, as soon as possible. He can't avoid you all day, so find a moment to work out between you two."

"I will do that, thanks a lot, Zayn," Harry smiled grateful at him.

"No problem, Harry. Good luck!" said he goodbye as Harry walked out his door.

"Thanks!"

Surprisingly didn't Harry have to look for Louis at all, since the boy appeared in front of him after he went out of Zayn's room. "Good luck with what?" questioned Louis suspicious, like he knew that they had been talking about him.

"Err," stuttered Harry, confused that Louis just talked to him again. "He meant with my songwriting."

"Ow" Louis was quiet for a minute like he needed to think really deeply about something. "Can I maybe see what you wrote?"

Harry guessed that was just as bad as saying that he liked the kiss, since the lyrics were all about Louis. "Uh, I don't- mean, I don't think it's good so I don't want you to see it and-"

"Haz, can I please just see it?" cut Louis him off with desperate eyes that Harry couldn't resist.

"Alright."

Harry went to downstairs and took his paper with the lyrics. He was glad that the other boys were outside so that they couldn't ask questions about what's going on. He was sure he even could explain it himself. "Here" said he when he handed the paper over to Louis, who had followed him all along. Harry looked down in embarrassment when Louis' eyes scanned the open lyrics.

Suddenly a smile appeared on Louis' face, not what Harry expected. He thought he would be angry or find him weird at least, maybe he was just making fun of him. "What's it called?" asked Louis.

"Uh, I don't know."

"It's really good, Haz. Who did you wrote it for?" The last of Louis' sentence was quiet, like he was afraid of asking it. But Harry saw the hope in his eyes, and he thought that Zayn indeed could be right, so he decided to be honest. Harry could only know as he took the risk. He stared his friend straight in the eye.

"It's about you, Lou."

The surprised and happy look on the boys face made Harry's heart filled with joy.They just smiled at each other for a while and the heavy weight of Harry's concerns fell of his shoulders. "I have written a song about you two, you know" told Louis him shy.

"Really?"

"Yeah. C'mon, I'll let you see it." Louis grabbed Harry hand and guided him to their room, where he passed Harry a little notebook.

"Read only these," warned Louis him and Harry nodded, all his attention with the written words.

"I love it, Lou,"

Louis looked up with his beautiful blue eyes. "You do?"

"I do."

They smiled at each other and Louis came closer to him. All the feelings of happiness from last night returned and maybe there was even more. Harry believed now for sure that Louis liked him too. The thought made him so filled with joy that he could barely stand it. Harry took Louis hands in his own and stepped closer. He was so glad that everything was fine between them and even more. Much more.

When there was no distance between them anymore, Harry crossed the inches and brought his lips to Louis. Just the moment their lips were about to touch, Louis pulled back and looked ashamed away. Harry stayed still stand on the same spot, more confused than ever that Louis rejected him. "What's wrong, Lou?"

Louis chuckled, but not in the happy way, it sounded more like he couldn't control himself from crying. "You can't kiss me. I'm just not gay okay? So stop acting like I am. I don't- I don't fall for boys. I've never have. You can't change me."

Harry couldn't hide the emotions of pain flashing on his face. His heart felt like it was ripped out of his heart and laid on the flour between them, begging at Louis to take it. But this wasn't about him, it was clear that Louis struggled with himself so Harry wanted to do what he could to help him. Louis was about to leave the room, still avoiding eye-contact, but Harry stopped him by taking the his wrist.

The once blue eyes with the twinkles in them, something Harry got used to, were now red and filled with tears. Harry wished he could stop his pain.

"I'll never try to change you, Lou. Nobody should. Nobody can say you who you are. You're just Lou and I believe you're beautiful. I like you just being you, just Lou."

The hurt described on Louis' face disappeared with Harry's words, slowly his smile and twinkling eyes returned. Before Harry could progress it, he jumped at Harry to kiss him on the lips. Their bodies were pressed to each other, like they couldn't stand it to have leave distance between them. Their hands were everywhere, they had missed the touching too. Louis held Harry's face with his hand and stroke with the other through his hair while Harry let his slide to Louis' waist.

"Thank you," said Louis as they separated to catch their breath.

Harry chuckled, "you kiss me and thank me? I don't think that's how it works."

"That was not what I-" Louis stopped when he realized that Harry was only joking and laughed nervously before he continued: "It was about what you said, it was really sweet, so, yeah, thank you."

"I meant it," said Harry, stroking Louis' cute red flushed cheeks.

"I like you too, you know, lots. I'm sorry about what I said and how I've acted towards you, I guess I was just afraid and confused, I- I'm happy that you kissed me."

"I promise you never have to feel like that again when you're with me, I felt terrible seeing you like that, so I will never give you a reason to, alright?"

Louis took Harry's hand from his cheek to cope it. "I believe you."

Harry's smile was adorable and Louis couldn't hold himself before he touched his dimples. "Don't touch me!" laughed Harry and he poured his finger in Louis' ribs.

"Hazza, please, mercy!" laughed Louis as he was gasping for air. Harry didn't listen and continued to tickle him until they ended on the bed together. "I'm sorry! I won't touch your dimples anymore," Louis tried to protect his stomach from Harry who climbed over him. It felt just like before between them, and yet even better.

Harry eventually stopped, so that Louis could stare at how his curls fall down beneath his face. Harry let himself rest on his arms and slowly came down to kiss Louis again. It's short and sweet and Louis opened his eyes to look in the green ones. Curiously about what Harry was about to do. "Lou, do you want to be my boyfriend?"

Louis could feel a big smile breaking through on his lips, it was everything he wanted. "Can I touch your dimples if I am?"

Harry guffawed and shook his head at him. "Maybe one day."

"Then I will your boyfriend, Harry Styles," stated Louis happily.

"And I'm yours."

That was all they needed before they started kissing again. Louis was surprised how easy it went. Nothing had never felt so good in his life, nothing had ever felt so right. And now that he had admitted it, he couldn't imagine something better in life than being in love with Harry.

Chapter Text

Harry knew already in the morning that it was going to be a hectic day, although he never could have expected what would fall on him. The time they had spend in the bungalow was something he would never forget. He had made the most beautiful memories with his new friends between the walls of wood. And the most important was that the he always would remember it as the time he and Louis had fallen in love. Harry's lips curled as a memory popped in his head:

"It's sad that we have to leave this place, it feels already like home to me," said Louis as he watched Harry laying in front of him. Harry felt his hand stroking through his curls as he tried to get used to the morning light in their room. He wanted to stay there in that bungalow and never leave, he wanted to hold onto in these last few moments.

"Yeah," agreed Harry. "I'm definitely gonna miss seeing you this much."

Louis groaned because of the that. "I even hadn't thought about that. Haz, how am I supposed to sleep without you? You're my Hazzabear."

Harry smirked. "I knew you were only using me because of my great cuddles," teased he, but Louis just smiled.

"I'm going to take you on a date."

Harry's face lighted up. "A date?"

"Yeah, some fancy eating maybe, I can pick you up, even though it's a long drive, you're worth it."

"I'd love to go on a date with you," said Harry happily and his lips found Louis'.

*

Today they all came to the judges' houses, where they were expect to preform as a band in front of the judges. It was scary that so much of their lives depended on a simple answer of someone else.

"Have a good time, Harry, and don't forget to call me everyday," demanded his mother Anne, while she gave him his bag and hugged him.

"Thanks, I won't," murmured Harry in her hair. "You can let me go now," said Harry after a minute, "there are other people."

Anne let him go. "Alright," she touched a string of his hair that had fallen over his eye. "You've grown up so fast."

Harry could see the tears in her eyes. "Please, mom, don't start to cry here. It's going to be alright, I'll call you everyday."

She smiled and looked proud at her son. "I love you."

"Love you too, Mum," answered Harry and he watched how she stepped back to her car and left. He knew that he was going to miss her.

"Oi, oi!" heard Harry from the distance and his face lighted up. Suddenly he was crushed by someone who jumped on him, which made him and Louis fall into the grass.

"Louis, you idiot!" laughed Harry has they rolled over the ground and tried to get up.

"Nice to see you too, Harry" smiled Louis.

"What's up, mates" called Niall as he joined them. "You two are already comfy I see."

Liam and Zayn came to the group also after saying goodbye to their families. After catching up they all went to the most beautiful house that Harry had ever seen. It was massive—a three-story traditional Spanish villa-slash-mansion (if there could ever be such a thing), surrounded by a lush garden, a pristine pool, fountains every few feet, and a pathway to the sea through the backyard. Suitcase upon suitcase was wheeled into the house, followed by dozens of camera equipment bags and cases of makeup and hair products. Each of the groups was filmed walking down the gravel path to the house, chattering happily and staring up at the house in awe. Harry knew he wasn’t much of an actor, but pretending to be ecstatic about his surroundings isn’t too difficult a stretch. Following their acting debut, however, began the side of things for which Harry wasn’t quite as prepared: the staging. After going through auditions and bootcamp he knew, at least in theory, that camera crews were catching every interaction and nervous twitch and eye roll at every minute of every day. He also knew the production crew was very good at their job, and watching six previous years of the show had taught him that certain pieces of footage or a wrongly worded interview question can change the way the entire nation looks at a contestant. When the producers were happy with their shots, an assistant told them they needed to be fully dressed and downstairs at five-thirty to start makeup and hair for their first performance at the Judges’ Houses. Until then, they could do whatever they want. Five whole hours of freedom stretching out in front of them. They decided to look for their room. And soon Louis was jumping on the bed and Harry wondered how the hell this boy could be eighteen years old. He came to the conclusion it had no point to think about it so he just joined Louis on the bed.

Liam said that they had do some video dairy stuff for the watchers and they all agreed so that was they were going to do. "Louis, I think you should start, you're the oldest," suggested Zayn to tease Louis, he knew for sure that he himself wouldn't be the one to start the video diary.

"Oi, that's not fair," complained Louis, but he ended up doing it anyway. After the video dairy they decided just to chill a bit, which meant that Louis and Harry cuddled in bed playing with each other's hair. They just lay their in silence, it wasn't a bad silence, not awkward at all, it was just a silence that said that you felt save with the other person. There was no need to talk or to do something. It was just peaceful. Harry could let himself drift of to sleep if he didn't wanted to miss Louis soft hands.

Suddenly the silence was broken by a sound of Louis phone, he had turned of the internet so he knew it was a message so he grabbed the screen. It was a text from Hannah - his girlfriend - to say she was outside. Apparently she had chosen the opportunity to surprise him on this day; he wished she hadn't. His hand immediately stopped his tracks and Harry looked confused up. Louis tensed, took his arm away from Harry and moved away from his touch.

"What's wrong, Lou?" asked Harry concerned.

Louis looked at him with a dazed look in his eyes. "Nothing, just need to go outside for a while." That said he disappeared. Harry stayed behind, totally struck by Louis' sudden mood-switch.

"What has gotten into him?" questioned Niall with the same confused look in his eyes and Harry could only shrug at him before he followed Louis outside.

"Louis?"

The boy before him turned around, a look of terror described his face. "Hi, I'm Hannah," said the girl next to him instead as she smiled friendly at him. "Nice to meet you."

Harry furrowed his brows. He knew for sure that this wasn't one of Louis' sisters, he had seen enough pictures and had heard enough stories to know that by now. "Hey, I'm sorry, but who are you?"

This time the girl looked uncomfortable between them, the tense felt odd and Louis wanted to hide in a cave or something. "I'm Louis' girlfriend. Didn't he tell you?"

Harry switched his gaze at Louis search some sign denial, but Louis stayed quiet, just eyeing the scene with paled skin, frozen in every way. "You're fucked up," said Harry to him. There was so much he wanted to say - to yell, but he didn't know how to.

"Harry, I-"

"Am I just some joke to you?" asked Harry angry and Louis flinched at the raise by his voice.

"No, it's not what you think, I-"

"Am I just a lie?" interrupted Harry him again and this time his voice broke and tears started to form in his eyes.

"Hazz, if you just let me explain -"

"Don't!" stopped Harry him. "Don't you dare to call me that name." He started to walk away to create distance, fast, almost falling over his own feet. "I can't believe you," whispered he before he fully turned around and ran.

*

Louis found Harry in their room surrounded by the other boys who tried to comfort him. When he opened the door they all looked up and the only thing Louis could do was standing their awkward, scared of their gazes. The only was who didn't want to see him, was Harry, he kept staring at the floor the whole time. It made Louis feel small.

The silence seemed to take ages until Liam finally sighed and spoke: "We'll give you two some privacy to talk it out."

"I don't want to speak to him," said Harry, who now dared to eye Louis, but this scared him only more. Harry had never been this angry at him, the fact that this was his fault, made him want to cry.

"Please, Harry. She's just a friend, just let me explain it. I'm sorry I didn't told you before, but-"

Harry made this weird chuckle, that definitely wasn't a happy one. "Just a friend? She said otherwise. Are you trying to fool us both?"

"Look, I don't know how to say this, but-"

"That's alright, I don't want to hear your lies anyway," mocked Harry.

"Maybe you should give Harry some more time alone, Louis. I don't think he wants to see you now," said Zayn, suddenly intervening in the conversation.

Louis looked desperate to all the boys, but they only returned their disappointment looks at him. This was the worst. "But I-"

"Louis. Just leave."

"Sorry, mate," added Niall.

"She's not-" started Louis again, but the words died on his tongue.

They all seemed to get annoyed at him and Louis didn't knew what to do anymore, it felt like Harry had given him up already before he could even explain himself. "Louis-" started Liam to say, but this time Louis interrupted them.

"She's my fucking beard!" yelled Louis. "She's my beard, alright?"

Everyone eyed him confused and Louis wanted to disappear, this was why he didn't want to tell them, they wouldn't understand it anyway. Liam was the first one to speak again. "Why?"

Louis stared at the ground. "Could I just talk to Harry, please?"

"Yeah, yeah, alright," said Niall. "Sounds okay to you, Harry?"

Harry nodded and Niall, Liam and Zayn left the room. Louis moved to bed. "Can I sit?"

Harry nodded again so Louis let himself sink into the mattress. Harry seemed to be waiting until he talked so Louis took a deep breath and started talking:

"As you noticed when we were at the bungalow, I'm not very sure of myself. All the time when I'm around people, I feel different and I hate that. You were the first person I felt completely comfortable to be myself with to be honest. I've changed a lot actually, all thanks to you. But before, it wasn't as easy, you know. I mean, I think my family would be supportive, that's not really the problem, I just- All this time I was so confused with myself and I think I was just scared of showing who I really was, because I didn't really know how that would be. Everywhere I came I wanted people to like me, I'm always joking and stuff, because that's the part of me I want to show... And I like it, it's easier in a way, I think." Louis stopped talking for a moment, distracted by some thoughts. "And about Hannah, I asked her to be my girlfriend a year ago, we were already friends for a while and I liked her, but as soon as she found out that I wasn't into her that way, she wanted to break up. I don't know what went into me, but I begged her not to. I guess I liked how confident I became telling people she was my girlfriend, I never had to be afraid of people asking questions and I don't know. It's stupid really and I'm sorry how a mess I've made. I never intended to hurt you, Harry, I love being with you. Please, I know I'm fucked up, but please don't leave me."

Louis finally looked up from the ground, and as soon as he did, Harry wrapped his arms around him. Louis relaxed in his comforting touch and let his tears fall.

They sat like that for a few minutes until Harry pulled away. "You're not fucked up, Lou, and of course I'm not leaving you. I promise I'll make sure you never have to feel alone again," Harry smiled encouraging at him and Louis whipped his tears of.

"Thank you, Hazz."

They stared in each others eyes for a little longer until Harry spoke again with a smirk: "and now kiss me you fool."

Louis didn't need to be told that twice and he jumped at Harry so that he fell on his back on the bed. Their lips crushed between their smiles and just like that was everything alright again. Some things didn't had to be that complicated. The love between Harry and Louis wasn't, it wasn't easy too, but they never ought it to become so difficult.

*

It was already week 5 for One Direction to be at the Judges' Houses in London for the X-Factor and they all started to feel the tiredness. Sometimes the room was a bit too small for them all or sometimes they got bored of practicing the same songs over and over again. But these moments didn't matter, because there were so many good ones.

Nobody ever thought that they would get so much attention so early and even though it was a bit weird, the boys loved the idea of becoming famous. All of them didn't want this to be over. Thinking about what would happen if they were out of the contest was too painful to think of. It wasn't imaginable that they wouldn't be everyday in each other's lives anymore. Secretly they hoped that this would never stop. Being One Direction had given their life a purpose, they felt like they mattered, people really acknowledged them. It was something they had never experienced before and they were proud of it.

In this time Louis and Harry had only grown more towards each other. They had never a moment when they were bored when they were together, even in silence they were talking. Sometimes it was hard to get some time alone since they were sharing the room with three other boys, but they took their chances. Like stealing kisses in the night when everyone was sleeping. It had become a regular thing that Louis would sneak out to Harry's bed so that they could be some time 'alone' together.

"What time is it?" asked Louis with his warm breath against Harry's skin. He was pressing him against the mattress with his entire body.

The room was dark, only little light escaped through the curtains. It made it hard to admire each other's face, but at least their eyes were twinkling in the night as soft lips touched.

Harry grabbed a phone from the nightstand without looking - he didn't want to remove his lips from Louis'. Something fell on the ground and he flinched, but no one awoke because of the sound so he forgot about it. "Half past one."

"Mmm.., time to sleep then," announced Louis, when he made himself ready to get out of Harry's bed.

Harry stopped him by taking his arm. "I don't want to." Even though he couldn't see much, he felt Louis staring asking at him, as if he wanted to know where Harry was going to go with this, but Harry didn't even knew that himself. "Stay," he just said.

Louis smiled. "Alright."

"Kiss me," begged Harry almost, so Louis gave him what he wanted. He kissed him like it was the last time, because darkness of the night made him feel that way. He slipped his tongue in, slow in a way that it felt more intense. He bit Harry's lip and pecked it after.

Harry squirmed under him while Louis moved his lips over his body, first over his cheeks, then over his neck and collarbones. He gasped when Louis started sucking on one spot where goosebumps appeared. Harry had to bit his lip to keep his moans small. When he couldn't take it anymore, when he was desperate to get the friction he needed, he rolled his hips against Louis'. The feeling of the other's hardness made them only more excited and they started to grind in sync.

This time they didn't cared that they breathed too loud in the room, they were fully in their own world. "Clothes," hushed Louis, "we need to get rid of clothes."

He could feel Harry look up at him in awe, with big eyes of excitement and maybe a bit of nervousness. So he brought his lips again to his, kissing him soft on a way to his ear. "No need to worry, I just want to touch you," whispered Louis.

Harry's hands gripped Louis' shirt as respond, saying he wanted it too.

*

It was 7 o'clock when someone knocked on their door. It was one of the producers who also stayed at the Judge's Houses. "Louis and Harry need to come to a meeting," announced she and her brows furrowed when she saw them laying in the same bed. "Now."

Louis tried not to groan in front of her so he just yawned. He only had slept 4 hours or so. "Why?" asked he without looking at her. It never happened that they needed to go without the whole group.

"I'm just supposed to pick you two up. So let's get going, yeah? We don't want to be late."

Louis felt Harry's almost naked body move closer to his. His eyes were fluttering, not wanting to open fully. Louis had concerns that this meeting would be nothing but bad. "Can I just come? I don't want him to be there," begged Louis as he looked the woman and her eyes softened.

"I- I don't know. I suppose that's alright. You don't have to wake him up."

Louis nodded. "Thank you, I'll be there in a sec."

"I'm outside," said she as she closed the door.

Louis sighed and looked at the white ceiling above him. He didn't wanted to think too much about what to expect, it would only make it worse.

"Louis, what was that about?" asked Liam from his bed.

Louis didn't realized he was awake. "Oh, uh, I'm supposed to go to a meeting. They want to talk about Harry and me," his voice sounded weird, probably because he forced it too much to sound normal. He got out of bed and putted a shirt and jumpers on. Normally on a meeting they would all dress up formally, but Louis had an idea that this wouldn't be a polite meeting.

"What? Louis, you don't need to do this alone. I'll come with you."

Louis smiled at the friendly offer. "Thanks, but it'll be fine. I'll talk to you about it later, alright?"

Liam wanted to protest again but let it go. "Good luck out there, mate."

Louis nodded at him and got out of the room where the woman was waiting for him and he almost couldn't control his nerves anymore. "Ready?" she asked him. Louis frowned, and even though she had just asked it to come over friendly, he answered honestly. "Not really." Her face softened. "Look, I know it might come across a bit hard, but these are people who have been working in this industry for a long time. They don't really care about anything that isn't going to bring profit. You're young, maybe too young to understand any of this, but either you will have your career under people like them, or either you will have to do something else. No matter how shitty it sounds, they are the ones who make sure that you'll be in the tabloids. To be honest I understand half of it neither." They walked further in silence, Louis following behind her through the halls, hearing his heart beating in his chest.

They entered the white room with the large grey table and the comfy grey seats. All the people in their had a small amount of documents in front of them, but Louis didn't care what they had to say. They were probably just full of shit if they supported a meeting like this.

"Louis, welcome. Take a seat." greeted the man who sat at what looked the center point of the table. Normally was Simon placed there to speak their matters with them and Louis wondered where he was. Did he even know about this? He wouldn't be alright with this, he wouldn't be alright with how they acted towards Louis, like he did something wrong. Louis nervously took place next to the woman who waked him up. He was sure that he knew some other people at the table but he felt like he couldn't trust anybody in this room. The tension with all the eyes focused on him made him feel uncomfortable.

The man at the center cleared his throat and throws his glaze on everybody in the room until he ended with a hawk glare aimed at Louis.

"Since Harry Styles didn't make it here this morning we'll just discuss out the matters with you and we expect from you that you'll brief him after. This subject includes the both of you and you both will have to face the future precautionary measures. All right, let's get started then."

He grabbed a file and ordered a assistant to deliver it to Louis. He accepted it from her, but wasn't capable of thanking her. The man at the center didn't care if he was ready to hear it or not, he just started talking.

"At first, if the rules might have slipped your attention, I must remind you to the fact that it's not allowed for contestants to date in their time at the X-Factor. This rule has a clear purpose and it's more than natural that we expect from you and Mr. Harry Styles to respect it. If you have any questions about you can find the answers in the document that we wrote out for you."

Louis sunk into his chair as he realized that he was right about how bad this would become, he wanted to get out of there. "I don't get what you're talking about," he said finally. "Harry and I aren't dating." The man only cocked his hand disturbed to one side. “There is a massive difference in the way you treat Mr. Styles versus how you treat, for instance, Mr. Horan. Or Mr. Payne, or Mr. Malik. Any time you so much as hint at a relationship between the two of you, you lose fans. Secondly," he continued as if Louis had never interrupted him. "We must think of the image of the X-Factor to the public eye and of yours and your band-members. I suggest that if you want to get anywhere in this contest or if you want to get anywhere in your possible further career, you start to act a bit more- Well, how do I say this?"

There fell a painful silence in the room, at least for Louis, the other people there were just staring at some points in the wall, the woman next him at her papers; he knew that he wouldn't get support from anyone in this room. Ironically, this man reminded Louis of his geography teacher, Ms. Johnson, who said he’d never amount to anything—and God, Louis remembered that day like it was yesterday: the shaking in his hands, the barely contained anger. As he thought about her, Louis didn't hate her so much anymore, he knew for himself that he acted like a bastard back then, her words were nothing more than an irritation caused because of him. In contrast to this man, who meant every word he said. This man, who speculated that Louis was worth nothing if he acted like his actual self. Louis dug his nails into his hand palm as the man continued.

"Well, I suggest that in matter of you and your band-members, that you'll live a bit more up to the public image of how people want you to see. There are boundaries of how openly you can act in public, do you know what I'm referring to?" He watched Louis from across the table, he looked condescending at him down. Louis became so angry because of that at him, but at the same time he felt too small to show any anger at all. A small 'yes' was all he said.

"Right. We hope that you know that we all do this to make sure your and your band-members' chances in the future, Louis. We're at your best interest."

Rolling his eyes at this dumb-ass man was all he wanted to do, but that probably would cause trouble so he didn't. He rather just got out of that unnatural white room as soon as possible.

"So, since the upcoming mutterings regarding your sexuality we need to put an end to we've thought of some solutions and we have agreed on a considerable reasonable measure. Hannah Walker is enough for now to protect your public image-"

"We've broken up-" interrupted Louis him and he knew he had made a mistake when the man gave him a dead stare.

"We're more than aware of the matter that your relationship has ended. However, we suggest that you two continue a public relationship to stand in for your image."

"Did- did Hannah agreed with this?" asked Louis confused, he felt betrayed.

"We contacted her earlier for our agreement and it's all put in order. We only came here today to discuss the matter with you and we hope we'll have your cooperation since this is at the best interest of you and your friends. Isn't it?"

Louis felt like he had no way to go, he was stuck between this people and their gazes. "Yeah, I guess so."

"I'm glad that you understand that we want to best for you and One Direction and I'm sure that you'll respect our agreement. Thank you for your time, Tomlinson, you may leave. I hope it won't be necessary to meet again soon."

His body trembled a bit as Louis tried to get up on his weakened legs. He left the room without saying anything, ignoring the fact that he wanted to scream.

The walk to his room felt way too short in contrary to his walk away from it. Now he was back, like he wanted to, but he hadn't had the power to open the door. He just stared at the white paint on it, somewhere in his head popped the thought that he hated the furnishing of the Judge's Houses.

Suddenly the door flew open and a certain Irish boy came outside. His face uncovered in concerns made Louis almost jealous, until he only wanted to prevent that any of these lads had to go through something like that. "Good morning, mate. I think Harry's waiting for ya" said Niall and he patted him on the shoulder. "Glad to see you two back all happy together these days." As he walked away through the white halls, they suddenly didn't felt as empty anymore. Louis didn't felt as empty anymore, he opened the door.

"Lou," heard he as he entered. Harry sat on his bed. "I didn't saw you at the dining room so I decided to bring some food for you. Look" he held up a plate full of pancakes with fruit and ice on.

Louis smiled and walked towards him. "Thank you, love" said he as he ran his hand through Harry's curls. He sat down and took a bite of the strawberries on top while Harry stared at him.

"You know, I really enjoyed last night" confessed he with flushed cheeks and Louis had to kiss him. He took his face in his hands and held it tender, like it was fragile and in a way it really was. He kissed him softly, without tongue, but still as promising with his strawberry lips gentle touching Harry's soft ones.

"Me too" said Louis before he let Harry go.

Their moment passed as Liam entered the room, back from his breakfast. He looked immediately up at Louis, asking. Louis shook his head at him, telling him he didn't want to talk about it. Not in front of Harry. Liam nodded understanding and Louis sighed relieved. He'll figure this out, hopefully without doing Harry any harm.

When he finally got a moment alone, he called his mom. Her voice calmed him down and when she asked him to come home he agreed. He knew he needed to be away from the white walls and grey tables and grey seats. He just wanted to be home.

In the following hour, his bag was packed and Louis was gone. In his own attempt to escape the fear of losing Harry, he had left him behind.

*

His drive to home flew by in a haze. There was so much to think of, that Louis just didn't want to think of it. He felt overwhelmed - not in a good way - by emotions and it was hard to stay calm and to look at things sober. For now everything seemed pretty dark.

This was the first time he smoked to be honest. Louis let his taxi stop at a store before he knew what he was doing. He just needed something to release himself. He felt like he was driven in a corner like a rabbit by foxes. He felt like he couldn't breath.

It wasn't difficult to lit the cigarette, he had seen people doing it enough by now. He didn't even coughed at the first inhale, he just let it in and blew it slowly out. It was gross, just like he knew it would be, but that didn't matter. The cigarette helped. He calmed down and his breathing turned normal again. His heavy thoughts from earlier slipped away like leaves in the wind and his mind turned blank. Just relaxed.

The thing with smoking was that it stays disgusting. The smell may become nice after a while, because it reminds you of the good stuff that comes with it and then will smoking turn into something nostalgic. But you can never deny the bad side-effects of it, so Louis did feel a little bit ashamed of it and hoped that his mother wouldn't notice. Still, he didn't quit after one, he continued.

It wasn't just about the smoking really. It was about the feeling, it was the new appreciation of filling your lungs with new clear air when the smoke was gone. It was the warmth of the small fire that slowly burned closer and closer, but never too close. It were the trails of smoke, once visible and then gone, like it was never there.

Louis shook his head and blew for the last time smoke in the air and watched it disappear before he threw what was left over of the cigarette on the ground. He trapped the small fire out by taking all it's oxygen. He didn't believe he felt better really. Everything was the same as before, the smoking didn't change a thing. Everything was just as dark and grey, his present, his future. He just had calmed down a bit, that was all.

Louis sighed, he should go home. It had been a long day already. He should go to his mom.

*

His mother picked him up at the center of Doncaster. Louis had been waiting under the grey clouds in the cold wind so he was relieved when he saw her blue car pulling over next to him. When he stepped into the passenger seat, his mother touched his leg gently and smiled at him. She didn't say anything, giving Louis the time to talk out what hung on his chest.

They drove in silence and slowly Louis felt better and better the longer he wasn't alone anymore. He knew that his mother was going to make him feel better, even though she couldn't change a thing, he just needed her. As they walked into the house was Louis surprised of how much he had missed his home, he had barely lived there anymore. It was weird how much life had changed in such short amount of time.

"You're sisters are sleeping upstairs, I thought that's better anyway if you wanted to talk a while before they were all around you," said his mother with a smile a she gave him his cup of tea.

"Yeah, thanks" replied Louis and he took a sip of the hot drink.

"So how are you and Harry?" asked Jo curious but also a bit concerned.

"We're alright. I like him a lot and I like being around him. We're great actually. It's just that they told me today that we can't be together and I- I don't think that I could manage that" said Louis and he felt himself becoming emotional again.

"Why?" asked his mother and Louis shrugged.

"Some stupid rule of them. But it's not just that- I mean that's something we could ignore you know? It's just that I think that they're in general against us being together, like two guys in a relationship, it's bad for how we're represented to the world they say. It's bad that we're in love, it's bad that I'm gay. They hate me for it" said Louis and he wanted to cry. But as he thought about it, he felt just bitter about them, they didn't deserve his tears.

His mother was shocked by what he had told her. This weren't problems that a teenager should camp with, she felt sorry for the boys that they were thrown so fast in a world like this. "Louis", breathed she out, tears in her eyes. "I honestly don't know what to say. I want to yell at these people that they don't know shit and that they're monsters for how they treat you. I'm sorry you had to hear all that those lies, honey," she took him in her arms and caressed his hair.

"I wished I shouldn't need to tell you this, that it would be just so easy as you two deserve it to be. I haven't seen Harry that much, but I've never been happier for you as the moment when I saw how you were looking at him. I could tell that you guys had something special, something that I can see that will last for a while, because it's worth it's time. People should be able to love who they love and that's what you two guys have together. It's so amazing and beautiful that I hope that nobody will tear you apart. The only advise that I can give is that everything they say is full of shit and that the best thing you can do is to stay out of their gaze and to ignore what they say. They don't get how much you two love each other and they never will. But don't give up on Harry, never for something like this, just make sure that you two make it through this."

During her whole speech she keeps rubbing his back and Louis feels save in her arms. Her words worked relaxing on him and now he has fate that everything will be okay is all that's left now only tiredness.

"I love you mom."

"Love you too, honey" smiled Jay as she looked at her beautiful son.

*

The next morning was Louis overwhelmed by his sisters who all surrounded him and threw questions at him. They loved the fact that he was home again but they didn't understood why. When they heard that he was still in the contest - Louis hoped so and that he wouldn't get too much trouble for running away - they were relieved. They asked him all about the other boys in the band and mostly about how it was going with Harry.

“Where’s Harry now?” Phoebe squeaked.

"Yes, I miss him,” Daisy added.

"I'll make sure to bring Harry with me next time,” Louis said. “But for now, how about some footie? It’s about time we get the old team back together.”

The twins cheered and ran upstairs to grab their shoes and a ball while Lottie pulled Louis into a hug. “You good?” she asked.

“Yeah,” he said. “Or, well. Could be worse.”

Fizzy snorted behind them. “Of course it could be worse. You’re famous, dummy.”

Louis laughed, burying his face in Fizzy’s hair when he hugged her. “I’ve missed you brats. It’s good to be home.”

As Fizzy went upstairs to change in her favorite football shirt, Louis' old one, he turned to Lottie once more. "Could you keep them busy for a couple of minutes, I have to call Harry."

"Of course," she smiled.

When he turned his phone back on he saw almost a hundred notifications. Mostly of them were texts asking where he was or attempted calls of Harry or the other boys.

The ringtone went by a couple of times and Louis was scared that they were in a meeting or something - oh god he hoped not. Luckily Harry picked up before it went to voicemail.

"Lou? Are you alright?" Harry sounded worried as hell, not very surprising since Louis had left without saying a word. Guilt was consuming Louis already at this point, but he tried to keep his voice straight.

"Yeah, I'm alright. You?"

"Why haven't you called me?"

"I'm sorry, I had my phone turned off."

"Are you going to break up with me?" As Harry asked that, his voice broke. This thought had past his mind several times, but he always had pushed it away. It was only now he hadn't heard so long of Louis that he started to think that it was true.

"What? No, I'm not. Why would you think that?"

"Well, Liam told me about this secret meeting you went to yesterday morning and he said that I was supposed to go too so I figured that they were talking about us and I knew it wasn't good news since you left and all and you've been ignoring me all day and all night long and-"

"Hazz, I'm not breaking up with you. I'm really sorry, I just went home to talk to my mum but I'm coming back today. It's gonna be alright, okay?"

"Oh" breathed Harry, he sounded relieved and hopeful. "So we're fine?"

"We're fine" replied Louis, smiling. "I really didn't want to upset you, that's why I didn't told you about the meeting. They just talked some shit and I didn't want you to be there."

"Louis, you know that we're in this together, right?"

"I do, but-"

"Lou, please don't ever left me out again. I swear I can handle it. Nothing can be worse than being apart from you."

"You're so sweet."

"I'm still mad at you for ignoring and leaving me."

"I know. I promise I'll make it up to you as soon as I'm back there."

"You better start driving already" ordered Harry.

"Aye aye, Captain" laughed Louis.

"Say hi to your mom and sisters for me."

"I will. Goodbye Hazz."

"See you soon" said Harry and they both felt like this was a promise between them.

*

Louis had to admit that he couldn't wait to see Harry back again. This made that the drive back to the Judges Houses felt way too long. He wanted to hold him forever after experiencing the feeling of losing him. He knew that he needed Harry close to him now more than ever.

He had called Harry a few minutes ago to tell him he was arriving soon and he already knew that Harry would stand there waiting for him. What he had not expected was that they all were standing there: Harry, Liam, Niall and Zayn. They were waiting for him to come back. As he left the car, they all jumped at him and yelled at him, happy that he was there again. At that moment, Louis felt that he really mattered. These people cared about him. He realized that it didn't matter that these people in the meeting saw him as something less, they didn't know him. In comprehension to his friends, they did, and Louis knew that they always would be there to support him. This new thought made him feel like he was safe with them, home.

His happiness couldn't be added up, especially not when Harry took him in his arms, kissed him full on the lips before he whispered in his ear: "We should go on our date."

Louis chuckled at this and kissed Harry back.

"We will. I promise" said he and they both knew that it meant so much more.

*

You can look out for a moment for a very long time. You can dream about it and you can crave it. Unfortunately, most of the time the moments turns out not to be as good as you expected. After that happens, you're disappointed by your moment that you dreamed so much about, so you stop doing that. You're worried to lose your grip on reality, so you let your dreams slip.

But Louis knew somewhere that he shouldn't be concerned about it, a moment with Harry left him always in awe. He could never be bored of hanging around with the curly lad. However, he had to admit that he was a bit nervous of meeting Harry's parents, although he had heard a lot of good stuff about them. Harry said that they reacted positive on the news and that they were happy for him. So, there wasn't really anything to worry about, but that didn't meant that he wasn't nervous.

Louis was glad with the fact that the drive was so long, it gave him a bit time to think about everything. He came to the conclusion that it was good. They were good, so he was good. His mom had let him borrow her car for the night, if he would bring it back tomorrow afternoon, and yes, she actually winked when she said that.

He pulled the car over at Harry's house and took a deep breath before walking to the door. A woman with brown hair and a kind smile, who Louis immediately recognized as Anne, opened. "Hello, it's a pleasure to finally meet you, Louis. I've heard a lot about you."

"The pleasure is all mine, ma'm" answered Louis polite.

"Please, call me Anne. Come in," insisted she and Louis closed the door behind him before admiring the house.

"Harry, your boyfriend is here!" yelled Harry's older sister Gemma who came from the living room. "Hi, I'm Gemma," introduced she herself to Louis.

Louis smiled. "Nice to meet you."

"You too. By the way, Harry's wondering all day what shirt he should put on, I would help him if I were you."

Louis hadn't to think about that twice and walked to the stairs. Once upstairs it wasn't hard to find Harry's room - the one where the music came from - and he entered it after he gave a short knock. Harry looked frightened at him behind the door, holding a shirt before his chest with red flushed cheeks. It was adorable. "Oops" apologized Louis.

Harry just smiled his dimples. "Hi."

"Need help?" asked Louis as he closed the door behind him.

Harry looked at Louis into the mirror and turned his gaze at his closet, he seemed defeated. "Uh, yeah."

Louis chuckled. "If it makes you feel better, I couldn't sleep last night, the choice between black or blue was hard, but I had to choose eventually."

Harry's eyes scanned Louis' outfit and this time it was his time to blush. "You look lovely" said Harry, which made Louis only more colored.

"Thanks. So between which shirts do you doubt?"

Harry showed some hangers on his closet and Louis pretended that he was thinking really hard. "Put the black shirt on" ordered Louis and he never stopped watching Harry when he put it on. "Yeah, that's the one" concluded Louis and Harry sighed relieved, he got tired of fitting shirts all day long.

"You look very sexy in it" added Louis and he opened the highest buttons of Harry's shirt, which made Harry blush again. Green met blue as they stared in each other's eyes. "Alright. Ready to go? We have a long drive in front of us" said Louis as the moment was past. Moments like these may past, but Harry was sure he would remember them forever so that they would never loose their magic.

"Is the problem solved? I'm glad Harry survived his torture" said Anne laughing as they stumbled down the stairs.

"Mom" replied Harry annoyed, but with a smile.

"You look great, honey" promised Anne. "So where are you two heading actually?"

"I'm bringing Harry to Rosso restaurant in Manchester, my mom knows people there so she could make sure we had the nicest table."

"How wonderful" commented Anne. "Well, have fun then. And don't be to late" added she while looking at Harry.

"Mom" whined Harry again and he practically started pulling Louis to the front door.

"Just kidding. Louis you know you can stay the night" winked Anne and this was the last thing it took for Harry to leave the house as soon as possible.

"Bye mom!" yelled he as the door fell closed. They walked on the path leading to Louis' mom car.

"I'm sorry for that" sighed Harry and he stopped walking. Louis had noticed this a while ago, Harry has this thing that when he wants to say something to Louis, he stops doing whatever he's doing. "It's just that this is my first date and I think she's even more excited than me."

Louis chuckled. "It was nice to finally meet her. She is lovely really."

"Your mom too, I'd love to see her and your sisters again" smiled Harry, thinking back about his arrival in Doncaster.

"Yeah, they're asking about you all the time. I start to wonder who's boyfriend you are" jokes Louis and Harry takes him in his arms.

"I'm only yours" says he as he looks in Louis' blue eyes and he kisses his soft lips.

*

The building glowed up in the dark as Louis parks his car next to it. He was glad that he made it through the confusing instructions of the GPS, it was hard to concentrate on multiple things, definitely if their was someone called Harry sitting next to him.

"Wow, Lou, it already looks amazing" admired Harry.

Louis smiled. "Wait until you see the inside." He started to step out of the car, but turned his face back to Harry. "Stay."

Harry did as was told and waited patiently, watching how Louis walked around the car to open his door. "Thank you" said he as Louis closed the door behind him.

"My pleasure" answered Louis, it was obvious he was excited for this. They walked in and Louis told his name at the reception as Harry looked in awe at the room. It seemed all way too expensive, there was marble on the walls and there were marble columns, there was even a dome in the roof, it was beautiful.

Louis placed his hand against his low back to lead him to their table and pulled his chair behind before taking place himself.

"You're such a gentlemen tonight."

"Am I not always?" asked Louis teasingly, picking up his menu.

"I would say no, but I guess that this is an inappropriate place to discuss we do in our spare time" commented Harry dryly. Louis' eyes were pulled away from the list of food and over the edge of the white card-stock. He felt his lips curl up in a smirk at just the thought of them messing around.

"Don't get your hopes up that anything will happen tonight" said Louis, while trying to look serious.

Harry chuckled, because, yeah, Louis failed and he placed his menu on the table.

The waitress appeared at their table and placed a carafe of water on top, along with two glasses. "Have you two decided?" she asked, looking from Louis to Harry. Louis nudged at Harry, he wanted him to order first.

"Uh, I'll have the Tagliatelle agli Asparago e Scampi, please."

"Wonderful." The waitress wrote down his order and turned her gaze to Louis.

"For me the Lazagna in Bianco, please."

"Anything for desert?"

"Does Tiramisu sounds good to you?" asked Louis at Harry and he nodded as answer.

"One piece of Tiramisu to share, please" said Louis to the waitress and she noted the last order before she disappeared.

"You're such a romantic" chuckled Harry and the twinkles in his eyes showed how much he loved Louis gesture - even though it was only sharing dessert.

"I know. I'm just glad we're doing fine again." smiled Louis proud at his boyfriend and Harry returned a smile before sipping of his water.

"Me too" agreed Harry. "But, Lou" started Harry suddenly, "you've never told me what this meeting was about." Harry had thought back about the moment when they hadn't been fine, he didn't want to, but maybe it was time to talk. This thing had been on his stomach for a couple weeks now.

"I don't really want to talk about this now" replied Louis, looking away from Harry, his smile from just a minute ago had disappeared.

"I know, but I want to be there for you. And you promised me that we were in this together."

Louis sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, which came not so handy since he had put gel in it. "Fine. What do you want to hear? That they called me out for being gay or for ruining you and the band?" He almost brought it sarcastically, he just didn't want to look like he cared too much about what they said. He just wanted Harry not to worry, who appeared genuinely shocked by the revealed news. "Lou, I- I didn't know that. I'm sorry."

Louis softened. "It's alright, I'm sorry I didn't told you. I just felt embarrassed and small. That's why I said yes when they told me to continue the fake relationship between me and Hannah."

"I'm just so mad at them right now. Who was there? Simon?"

"No, I don't think he knew of it. There were just a bunch of people I didn't know or never talked to."

Harry nodded and played a bit with his napkin as he tried to move to the next point on his mind. He knew that the times they were talking about stuff like this were rare, so he took his chances."So what are we gonna do with this fake relationship thing?"

Louis shrugged. "I don't know. Just go with it, I think? Maybe it'll be even easier for us."

"How?" Harry furrowed his brows, looking back confused at Louis.

"For people not finding out" replied Louis, looking at some drawing in the marble column in front of him, trying to avoid Harry's gaze.

"You don't want people to know you're with me?" asked Harry. He didn't sounded angry, just hurt. And that made Louis feel so much worse.

"No, I just meant that it could be easier for us if they don't know about us, you know. I don't meant that-" he was interrupted by Harry who stood up from his chair.

"I need to go to the restroom" said he before he left Louis alone at the table. Louis wanted to yell at him to come back, he wanted to run after him, but they were in a restaurant and people already looked up when Harry stood up so abrupt. Just at this moment the waitress arrived with their meals. She putted his plate down in front of him and watched at Harry's empty seat. "Where's your friend?"

"He'll come back soon, you can leave his plate. Thank you" smiled Louis as she went away again. Louis wanted to go to the restrooms but that would be weird, especially when their both meals were already served so he went with a call and to his surprise picked Harry up.

"What?" snapped he from the other line.

"Look, Harry, I know that came out the wrong way, but was I was trying to say is that I'm not ready yet for all that. You know you're the only person I want to be with and someday we'll tell it the world, but just not yet, alright?"

"Alright" sighed Harry on the other line.

"Can you please come back then?"

"Uh, yeah, just having a wee."

Louis chuckled, Harry was the only person who went off to the restroom to be dramatic and to actually go to the restroom for real since he was already there anyway. "Oh, okay, take your time. See you soon" said Louis and he put his phone away with a smile.

Harry came back to their table slowly ever and Louis was relieved to see that he returned his smile.

"Alright?" asked Louis to be sure and Harry nodded as he sat down again in front of him.

"Alright."

They shoved the matter of the table - for now - and tasted their dinner instead. "This is so good" moaned Louis almost as he tasted his food. He felt Harry laughing at him, but he didn't care, the food was amazing. "I mean it, no offence to my mom, but I haven't ever eaten something as good as this."

Harry looked fond at him. "I can cook dinner for you once" shrugged he.

Louis frowned at him, smiling. "Did you just compared yourself with the best restaurant of Manchester? And I thought you were a humble guy" teased Louis and he got an eye roll in return.

"There are better restaurants, but yeah, you're right that this is pretty good. And yes, I like to think of myself as a decent cook. It's more like a hobby to be honest."

"You should teach me once."

"I will" smiled Harry. "Hey, what are you doing?" asked he as Louis stole some pasta.

"I wanted to proof that I have chosen the better dish" said Louis as he slurped at the food. "And I was right. Twice in a minute."

Harry just rolled his eyes again at him. "Just don't get to fond up about yourself."

Louis didn't responded at that he just smiled and took another bite of his delicious meal. "So what do you think that our odds are? At the contest, I mean" changed he the conversation.

Harry shrugged. "I think we've got a change. Simon seems to like us, same as the people at home."

"Yeah, but do you think we're good enough?" asked Louis further, it's clear this subject has bothered a few times.

"Do you think we're not?" Harry furrowed his eyebrows, but they're was a smile underneath.

"No, I- I do. I think we're good. It's just that I don't think that that's because of me."

Harry's joke behaviour suddenly vanished, replaced instead by a concerned expression that pained Louis to look at for more than a second at a time. "What do you mean?"

Louis sighed, more annoyed with himself for getting into having a heart-to-heart he really wasn't in the mood for. "It's nothing, I guess you're right, people like us and the band gets a lot of support - much more than I expected, so yeah, I know we're good. I mean, we have become third at the X-Factor, so yeah." By the time he'd finished speaking, Louis wasn't quite sure if he was more trying to convince Harry or himself of that fact.

But Harry was never one to back down, he leaned forward and grabbed for Louis's hands. "Lou, I know there's something wrong. You can tell me, I won't judge, I swear."

Louis sighed again, rolling his eyes. But already he could feel his own walls crumbling down under the incredible sweet worried stare of Harry. "It's just—I don't know." Louis exhaled roughly, trying to find anything to focus on other than Harry's piercing green eyes as he struggled to find the right words. "It's just me, I guess," he settled on after a moment, feeling just a bit breathless as he spoke. "Sometimes I just feel like I don't belong there along with you guys, you're all so talented and I am just... me."

His face was burning as he continued, but true to his word, there was no trace of judgment in Harry's eyes as he gazed up innocently at Louis. "It just feels like, I don't know, like there's no real reason for me to be in the band, I guess. I mean, it's not that I get to sing a lot, anyway, so yeah."

Harry's grip around Louis's fingers tightened. He spoke fiercely. "Well, for one, I don't know what I'd do without you around," he said. "Promise you won't leave," he pleaded.

"I'm not going to leave," promised Louis, rolling his eyes because Harry was acting so dramatic. "I just feel like they don't really want me to sing, I suppose. Like I'm not good enough for that."

Harry released Louis's hands and suddenly surged up to cup Louis's face instead. "You are good enough," he said fervently, and the look on his face was so deadly serious that Louis couldn't help but laugh. "I mean it!" Harry cried out in offense.

"I know, I know," Louis reassured him, still laughing.

Harry felt hopeless that Louis didn't take him seriously, he just wanted to say one more thing though. "I'd miss you".

"I'd miss you, too" replied Louis, smiling as he bend over the fancy dinner table to collide their lips.

At this moment they didn't know how everything would become different, they didn't know how scared they should be for all that was coming. All that Louis knew, as he looked over at the pretty boy with the big smile and curly hair is that was sitting in front of him, was that he knew everything that he didn’t know before.

Chapter Text

At the beginning, it had felt like something surreal. When the boys auditioned for X-factor, they never expected this all to happen. But it did, and a lot changed.

Sure, when they first met they knew that they were going to be good friends, but they never expected that they would become so close as they were now. With everything they went through and everything they were going to go through in the future, they knew that they had made friends for life. Especially were Harry and Louis the most happy that they had each other. No matter how overwhelming every part of their life was, they always had each other. They were never alone.

Harry was sure he never would want to lose that feeling.

About last year, he can only say that it was incredible. Although they didn't win The X-Factor, he wasn't as disappointed as he thought he would be. The thing he had been scared of the most, was losing his friends and his dream, but an opportunity had fallen on them as Simon offered them five contracts with a big smile and they signed them gladly. When they ended third, the presenter asked Zayn what was going to happen next and he answered: "We're definitely going to stay together, this isn't the last of One Direction." Harry knew that something like this was going to be said, but nevertheless it comforted him much.

The week and the thirteen days where the lads spend time together in Harry's bungalow, included the best memories. First of all they connected all as a group of close friends, they knew they were together in all of it and that they could trust each other. But the most important was Louis and Harry's relationship that began that time. At the beginning they were both scared, but they couldn't hide their feelings from themselves, each other and from the other lads. Their first kiss may have been a drunk one, but Harry was still happy it happened, because on that moment he realized there was no one else in the world he would kiss rather than Louis Tomlinson. Although, the second kiss meant so much more. That kiss told how they really felt, not in words, but with love.

And all that brought them here, together on New Year's Eve. Niall, Liam and Zayn were with them, they decided to celebrate the next year together, because it meant a lot for them all. Not that Harry had been apart from Louis on the other holidays, they never could've spend so long apart. After their relationship was confirmed, they went to each other's families to meet them. Which resulted that they spend every free moment, together in their houses.

So yeah, Harry could say he was the happiest boy in the world right now. He stared at Louis and gave him a little kiss on the nose.

"Aw, you two are so cute" said Zayn, which made them smile. Liam and Niall just sighed at the view, they saw them this close enough already.

Everybody had decided that they were up for a party tonight. There was a lot to celebrate: their upcoming X-Factor tour and they also planned to tour with Big Time Rush to achieve popularity in the USA. They already had written almost their full album, at least the little things that they were allowed to, and soon would their single and album come out.

There was definitely enough beer and liquor in the room to get boozed. At first they started with some chilling and talking, next were the drinking games up and as they were tipsy, started the dancing and the karaoke contests. "Lou, Lou, Lou" tugged Harry at Louis' arm, "Boobear."

Louis looked up and deserted his earlier conversation completely. "Hi, love."

"We're gonna sing 'Endless Love' together," announced Harry as he pulled Louis off the couch. "C'mon."

"Woah," stopped Louis their tracks. "And in what scenario did I agree to this?" Harry didn't really could think of an answer so he just continued to look expectantly at Louis. "That's right, I didn't" confirmed Louis.

Harry pouted. "But I want to."

Louis signed. "Alright," gave he in, he couldn't resist Harry's pouts.

Harry's face lighted up immediately. "Great. You're Diana Ross, I am Lionel Richie."

"Why do I always have to be the girl?" whined Louis and Harry laughed.

"We could switch if you like," suggested he, knowing already that Louis would refuse.

"It's fine. I like her part better anyway," admitted Louis. He took the second mic from Harry as the music started and the lyrics appeared on the screen.

"My love, there's only you in my life, the only thing that's right." As Harry's raspy voice sounded through the mic found Louis it already difficult to pay attention to his lines. Thanks to Harry, he knew the them inside out because of the numerous times they'd song it together already. Harry's eyes remained on Louis the whole song, while their voices fitted together in harmony with the music. They stood in front of each other as they sung in sync, their noses almost touching each other. "You will always be my endless love."

"Two hearts that beat as one, our lives have just begun." By now had everyone noticed their duet and they all surrounded themselves around the two boys who had only eye for each other.

They sung until they were out of breath. The music on the karaoke machine ended and by now were only their breaths heard in the mics. Until they were drowned out by loud applause and congratulations. After the fuss calmed down a bit decided the boys to move to the roof to get a better view at the upcoming fireworks.

Harry and Louis cuddle under a blanket to protect themselves from the cold air, so do the rest of the boys, with Liam in the middle. "Alright, it's almost twelve o'clock my friends, let's toast!" suggested Liam. "Okay, I'll start. I know we didn't won X-Factor and it was all sad and all, but I believe that next year has so much success planned for us, I just can't wait for it. As I think about me in the beginning, I am so glad we came together, 'cause without you guys I could've never achieved so much. So thank you all for everything and happy new year!" everyone putted their glasses in the air.

"I hope that 2011 will even be more exciting than 2010, which almost seems impossible," said Zayn and the other lads couldn't agree more. "I can't say how happy I am to celebrate this with you guys now, you made my life so great, so thank you for everything and I wish you all the best," ended Zayn his toast and he got hugs from all the boys.

"For me the same as Zayn actually, I love you guys and also I hope we have lots of fun. Oh, and also I hope that someday I could have my own food-truck, thank you," announced Niall and everybody cheered at his toast.

"Well, I have a lot to say but I will keep it short," started Harry. "First of all I want to thank everyone for every incredible moment we lived together. You guys will stay forever in my heart. Especially Lou, you are the sun in my life and I can only hope you will shine for me forever." He knew that that sounded cheesy as hell, but he didn't care, it was just how he felt.

"Aww," responded everyone to Harry's cute speech, which made him blush and stare down with a chuckle. When he looked up, there were only Louis' bright blue eyes and his smile warmed Harry's heart.

"There's not much I can add to all of your lovely speeches, but I just want to say that you lads are the best things that could happen to my life so thank you for that. And Hazza," Louis stared at Harry. "I had to most wonderful year with you and I hope their are many to come, you'll be always in my heart."

And then he said these three words. These three little words with so much meaning when they came out of his mouth. The three words Harry had waited for all this time. "I love you."

Harry heard the other lads cheer at Louis' confessing, especially Niall, who yelled: "HarryLouYear!!", but the only thing he was focused on was Louis and only Louis. He moved closer to him and kissed him on the lips.

"I love you" whispered Harry between their kisses. "I love you so much."

*

Last year, it was funny to say it that way since it only had been a few days, Louis turned 19 on 24th December. It was weird for Harry to know that Louis was like three years older now since Harry was only 16, but he never felt that difference. He and Louis were on the same page regarding their age.

Harry celebrated the boy's birthday with him in Doncaster before he went back home for Christmas. Holmes Chapel at Christmas was, like, peak Holmes Chapel. It was snow-covered churches and red and green storefronts and children building snowmen and carolers and tinsel literally as far as the eye could see. At first, Harry had a lot of stress for buying a present. The look on Louis' face was amazing when he say the two tickets for the 4th January Manchester united football match. Harry knew Louis liked football a lot, since he always wanted to play it in their free time, which made Harry actually really good after all that time. And if they weren't playing, he talked about it.

The walls in his room were covered with football players, but the thing Harry most liked, was the little picture of them two next to the bed. When Harry first went in Louis' room, he noticed it immediately and jumped in the bed to admire it.

"No!" yelled Louis ashamed and he reached over Harry to pull the picture away, but Harry stopped him by grabbing his hands and held them. "I love it, Lou," said he to the boy with red cheeks. "It's really really cute!" laughed Harry.

"C'mon, stop making fun of me," whined Louis.

"I mean it" said Harry. "We look beautiful together," he leaned down to kiss Louis, holding his still flushed cheeks.

Harry lost track of the memory as he noticed Louis coming outside. Still, after so many times, his sight still took his breath away, he couldn't help it. Louis was wearing a football outfit and it looked great on him. Seeing him that way took Harry back at the times when he went to Louis' matches. He loved to see his boyfriend running on the football field.

"Hi," greeted Louis him, snapping Harry out of his thoughts.

"Hi, you look great, Lou."

"Thanks, Haz, you too," smiled Louis while jumping in the car. Harry shifted to the middle, closer to Louis.

"Ready to go boys?" asked Anne from the front chair, she would be driving with Robin next to her.

"Yeah, thanks again for driving us," said Louis to Anne and Robin. He knew that it wasn't necessary, they were almost like family to each other, but he wanted to.

"Oh, love, you don't have to thank us," replied Anne, like Louis expected her to.

"We're actually have to be in Manchester so it's no problem at all," added Robin.

"We're are you two going to?" asked Harry curious, as apparently he hadn't heard before of this.

Robin smiled at Anne and she returned it. "Let's just say that you're mom and I have something to celebrate," explained Robin and after that he continued his previous conversation with her.

The drive to Manchester took a while, but luckily was Louis prepared since he had brought his Ipod with. "You want to listen to some music?"

"Yeah, sure," replied Harry and he accepted an earbud from Louis.

The next hour they jammed on hits, some rock songs and some old vibes. There was literally no end for the conversation about music between them two. Louis was sure that Anne must have been annoyed by now by their screaming in the car, following the lyrics or having some discussion and he felt sorry for her. However, he was having a too good time to let it pass.

The first notes of 'The Man Who Can't Be Moved' started to play and Harry jumped up. "I love The Script," claimed he, like he hadn't announced that fact with ten other bands already.

"Me too," yelled Louis happily and they sung the lyrics loud, knowing them inside out. As the song ended they were both impressed about their performance in the backseat of Anne's car and Louis scrolled through his playlist. "Do you know their song called 'I'm Yours'?" asked Louis suddenly at Harry, who beamed on his seat again.

"I do! It's beautiful, put it on, please," begged he.

Louis played the song and the piano melody gave him a sparkling feeling. It's been a while since he listened to the song, but it always means so much to him as he heard it. They both started to sing, until Louis stopped, he rather just wanted to listen to Harry's voice so he let him go his way. "You touched these tired eyes of mine and mapped my face out line by line. And somehow growing old feels fine."

The song wasn't spectacular or something, it contained just some acoustic guitar and some beautiful lyrics. Harry's voice fitted perfectly, after he'd done he watched expectantly at Louis, waiting for him to sing too, so Louis did. "You wrap your thoughts in works of art and they're hanging on. The walls of my heart." And Harry stared so fondly at him that Louis cheeks turned slightly pink.

As the song ended, both Anne and Robin complimented them before parking the car. "Have fun, lads!" cheered Anne.

"But not too much," laughed Robin at them, at which Anne responded with a soft hit on his arm before she looked back at Harry and Louis, who were laughing too.

"Just text me enough, alright?" Harry nodded. "See you later then, honey."

"Later," answered Harry and he nudged at Louis to open the door. "Have fun too, mom," said he while he followed Louis outside.

The car left so Harry and Louis started looking for the entrance. At the stadium, people where everywhere. The place was huge and they couldn't stop looking around with an amazed look on their faces. They showed their tickets to the security guys who stood at the entrances and walked to their places in the arena.

"I actually went to a gig of them last year. The Script, I mean," said Louis as he grabbed Harry's hand to guide him through the crowd.

Harry's eyes moved from their intertwined hands to his face, surprised. "You did? At 8 February here in Manchester?"

"Yeah, why?"

Harry pulled his hand away to throw his both hands in the air to empower his statement. "Because I was there too!"

Louis laughed along with him. "Wow. Well, I guess what you wrote next to your signature was more right than we recalled."

"You still have that note?"

"Of course I do," replied Louis and at that he intertwined their hands again.

Just as they were about to follow the other people to their seats, Harry pulled him to a well-hidden side entrance he'd never noticed before. “What are you doing? We’re not supposed to be here.” Louis tried to stop him, but Harry was never to back down.

He smiled mystically. “I have another surprise for you.”

That was all Louis was going to get out of him so he settled with following him through the sparse hallways under the pitch. The incline grew steeper as the decor grew more ornate, red and black and gold murals and glass cases filled with trophies and framed jerseys adorning the walls. Louis felt like his insides were going to burst, and Harry shooting him little smiles every few seconds didn’t help. Suddenly, they were passing the locker rooms and just up ahead, no, they couldn’t be— Harry led him right onto the Trafford pitch, the lights bright overhead and the grass soft underfoot. Louis spinned slowly, taking in the white seats among the red spelling out MANCHESTER UNITED and STRETFORD END and the Nike swoosh, the Sir Alex Ferguson stand, the dugouts awaiting their players. He was so busy staring at his surroundings that he almost missed that tell-tale thump of a hard boot to a ball.

“Come on,” Harry whispered when Louis froze, seeing the international football stars having a kickabout just a few feet away. He took Louis’ hands in his and tugged, pulling them forward until one of the players noticed them.

“Hello, hello!” Rio Ferdinand called, jogging over to them. Harry and Louis had met him once at the England game. He was already in his jersey and sweats, the 5 blazoned across his back and the Champions League patch bright on his sleeve. “Harry and Louis, yeah?”

Christ, Rio Ferdinand remembered Louis’ name. He shook Ferdy’s hand silently, afraid of what would happen if he opened his mouth. Harry was bubbly enough for the two of them, thankfully enough, thanking Ferdy and the other players—his brother Anton and Ashley Williams of Swansea City— for letting them come. “No problem at all,” Ferdy grinned. He pointed over his shoulder to the home dugout. “Got a couple of extra balls if you want to join.”

It was official, Louis was dead and in heaven and somehow he got to take Harry and Rio Ferdinand with him.

Louis loosened up when he got a ball underfoot and was able to play around a little, joking with Anton about size not mattering as he lined up to take his first shot. It was a perfect kick, netting exactly how he wanted in the top right corner just out of Anton’s reach. He could feel himself blush red when Ferdy and Ashley hummed approvingly, Ferdy reaching over to pat his shoulder. “Might have some competition in warm up today,” he said, making Louis bring his hand up to his mouth to cover his giggle.

They were allowed almost a full half hour on the pitch before the players had to get ready for the match. “Good to see you lads again,” Ferdy said, giving them each a hug. Louis swooned as Ferdy jogged back down the tunnel, falling into Harry’s arms.

“So,” Harry chuckled as he helped Louis upright again. He scuffed the grass with his trainer, biting his lip to keep from smiling too widely. “Good birthday present?”

“Oh my God, Hazza,” Louis answered weakly. “Best birthday present.”

Harry grinned and took Louis' hand to lead him back to the tunnel and through the hallways until they were out with the rest of the fans streaming in to find their seats.

They still had some time before the game began so they decided to buy nachos cheese, a box of popcorn and two cokes. "I still can’t believe what just happened. This is incredible, thanks a lot Harry," said Louis as they sat down again. "This is like the best birthday gift you could ever give me."

"Now you're only putting pressure on me for your still many birthdays coming, that's not fair," pouted Harry, while Louis could only think about how Harry simply said that their relationship would last forever if it depended on him. Right now he just had to contain himself from jumping a hole in the air of happiness.

"Being with you is already the greatest gift ever, Haz," said Louis and even though it sounded cheesy, he knew that he meant it. “How did you set all this up?”

Harry grinned. “Ferdy followed me on Twitter after we met him back in November, so I messaged him and asked if there was any way we could set something up, and here we are.”

“Christ, you are magnificent,” Louis laughed fervently. “What did I ever do to deserve you?”

Harry shrugged and stole a single popcorn. “You love me.”

He said it like it was obvious, like loving Harry Styles was the easiest habit Louis had ever fallen into.

“I do,” he replies softly. “I love you a lot.”

Harry leaned in for a kiss and Louis laid his hands on his cheeks when their lips touched. For a moment, they were totally lost in their tongue-tiding until they startled from a loud honk.

Harry chuckled. "I think the game is going to begin."

*

If someone asked Harry later how the game went, he wouldn't know how, only that Manchester won, hearing by Louis' cheers at the and. The thing was that he only could look at Louis the whole game, who leaned over to press a kiss to Harry’s cheek at the half, still more than a little overwhelmed. That was why Harry cheered always a second later than Louis or didn't knew what was going on. There was nothing better than Louis to look at anyway.

As the game was over, Robin and Anne drove back from their date to pick them up. Louis was going to sleep over and Harry was really looking forward to it. He knew he slept much better with the boy by his side. "How was the game?" asked Robin curious after they've said they greetings.

"Great," was all Harry could say about it, but for him it had also been great.

"It was a good game. Manchester United won 2-1, with Rio Ferdinand scoring a massive goal. Stoke battled in parts of the game, but the home side had all the possession and deservedly picked up the win" said Louis still in excitement and he and Robin talked about the players for a bit. Harry stared at Louis the whole time, not intending to take part in the conversation, he liked it better this way anyway. While on the road Harry got tired, so he laid down on Louis' lap. The boy's soft fingers played with his hair and Harry fell asleep.

*

"Hazza? Wake up."

Harry was vaguely aware of a voice whispering in his ear and all he could do was mumble as answer. He heard Louis chuckling and saying to his mom that he would take care of him. Harry felt himself lifted up in strong arms and his head fell against Louis' chest. He couldn't believe that Louis could carry him all the way upstairs, but the boy acted like he weighed nothing.

Suddenly he laid on the soft mattress and Louis slipped under the sheets next to him in the small bed, pressing the lines of their bodies together tight so he wouldn't fall off the edge. He pushed Harry with a gentle shove, clearly not satisfied with the space Harry had left him on the mattress. Harry acquiesced and moved over the few inches into the wall next to his bed, staring at the sparkling stars that hung up just above their heads on the ceiling.

"Is that okay? I'm too tired to take care of an extra mattress now" said Louis to him, staring at the bright stars too, he knew that Harry was awake.

Harry smiled tiredly and pulled his arms around the older boy. "I would love to sleep next to you."

Louis turned his head to look at Harry, who had already closed his eyes and Louis concluded that he was the happiest boy in the world. "Thanks again, I had a lovely day" whispered Louis as he kissed Harry. "Now you're birthday is soon coming up, almost 17, huh?"

Harry was way too tired so he just hummed as he nuzzled his head against Louis' chest. The older boy stared down with a fond smile on his lips.

"Alright, goodnight, Haz" said Louis but he got no answer, Harry was already drifted off to sleep in his arms.

*

When Harry woke up he loved the feeling of him and Louis cuddling together. He yawned and stretched, a movement that caused for Louis opening his eyes. Harry put his arms back again around the other lad and smiled at him. "Good morning."

"Morning, Haz" replied Louis with his small sleepy voice as he traced his fingers over Harry's collarbones. They created tingles all over his body as they followed their way down to his stomach, he grabbed the sheets to express the tense that was building up there.

"Lou" breathed Harry, asking. He didn't need to say more words, Louis understood what he wanted. He touched Harry's thighs, going higher, which made Harry wiggle away a bit. Soon enough stopped Louis the teasing and he gave Harry what he wanted: his hand around his cock. Harry watched him through his glassy eyes, his skin gleaming as Louis worked his way on his hard-on.

Louis smiled as he noticed his expression, coming closer to kiss Harry between his breathing. In response shoved Harry his tongue in between Louis' lips and secured he his hand around his neck to keep him there. He moaned in Louis' mouth as he came, causing Louis to join him in. "Tissues are in the nightstand" Harry said satisfied, smiling at the boy who had watched closely. Louis grabbed them and wiped them both clean before intertwining his body with Harry's again.

"I wish we could wake up like this all the time" said Harry, resting his head on Louis' chest.

Louis stretched his arms above his head, still feeling a bit flushed of what they had just done in Harry's child bedroom. "Ya know, that's actually a really nice idea."

"What?" asked Harry confused, it may have been his morning brain filled with thoughts about Louis hands, but he was definitely not following.

"We are going to be in London quite time, huh? I believe eventually we should search for a place to stay there, so why don't we do that together?"

The meaning of Louis' words slowly came to Harry. "Wait, you mean like... living together?"

"Yeah, I don't know, I thought-"

Harry cut Louis off by pressing his lips on the older boy. He moved on top of him and stared in his blue eyes after the kiss. "I would love to live with you, Lou."

Next, they cuddle for the following hour, they couldn't get enough of the thought about spending all their time together. Now, it was pretty limited because there was a long distance between their houses. They saw each other not too less, it wasn't that bad, but it was just that they wanted more often to be alone with each other. Living together would mean that.

"Alright, maybe we should get out of your bed sometime" suggested Louis.

"Should we?" asked Harry with his voice still a little hoarse.

"Yeah, we've got a day off so we could do some shopping if you like."

Harry's eyes brightened. "I'd like that. We should see a movie after."

"We should" agreed Louis. "Well, we better get out of bed then."

"We should."

*

"What movie is playing today?" asked Harry as they walked into a drug store.

"Crazy, Stupid Love" answered Louis. "Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling are casting the main characters. I guess you care more about one than the other."

Harry's cheeks flushed. "Emma Stone is a great actress too, she's just not Ryan Gosling, he's... yeah."

Louis smirked and rolled his eyes at Harry, he had meant it as a joke. He knew about Harry's secret obsession with The Notebook guy, it wasn't hard to figure out since Harry wanted to watch the movie all the time. Louis had no doubts that if Harry could, he would jump into the TV-screen to save Noah from his heartbreak.

Louis stopped in his tracks as he noticed that Harry wasn't walking behind him. Apparently was Harry's gaze captivated by something and as Louis stood closer to him, he saw what it was. "You want some nail polish?" asks Louis curiously.

"Uh, yeah, I guess. I'd like to have some of myself, I think" phrased Harry. Louis smiled as he catched sight of a blush creeping over his cheeks.

He grabbed a light soft pink nail polish jar from the shelf where the Essie nail polish was ordered, thanks to Lottie he knew that it was a good brand. "I like this one" commented Louis as he held it up in front of Harry. "It's called 'everything's rosy', I think it suits you."

Harry touched the small pink bottle from him and showed his dimples. "Yeah, I like that one too." Louis put it in the bag as Harry had already discovered a new color, this one was a bit darker, more coral pink like. "This one means 'perfect mate'."

"You are" replied Louis and he put that one in their bag too. They ended up buying almost the whole pink section, it was obvious to be Harry's favorite color. The nail polish jars end up having the most creative names, such as: 'pillow talk the talk': a baby pink one, 'cute as a button': a bright pink one and 'chubby cheeks': one that looks like a creamy bright red-orange-pink sunset.

"I already feel like buying new stuff for our new place" confessed Harry as they walked outside on the sidewalk again, passing buildings and several stores. He stared happily at the home designer shops.

"Woah, slow down, love. We haven't even looked for a place yet. And we have to ask our parents."

Harry shrugged and smiled, like he knew that it was going to happen either way. "They'll be fine with it. My mom loves you and Jay loves me."

"Yeah, she does" agreed Louis. "Alright, if you want to go in somewhere we could."

"Nah, we'll come back someday for that. We have too many bags and I'm actually pretty hungry."

"You're right. Where do you want to eat?" asked Louis.

"I don't know. Just something casual, we'll probably eat enough nachos at the movies anyway."

"You will. I myself have always been more of a classic popcorn guy" corrected Louis. "We could check out this T.G.I Friday's that Niall keeps talking about."

"Yeah, let's go there then" commented Harry and he put his arm around Louis' shoulder, smiling as he got a small hand against his waist in return.

*

As soon as Harry was back home, he told his mom about their plan to live together. He practically begged her to say yes and she agreed since she knew her son and Louis shared something important. She knew that her son would be in a good and safe place. The only thing that would be hard was that she would she her son even more less than before. It would be hard to say goodbye to him, but she knew that Harry needed Louis to lean on in this unusual lifestyle they went through.

So after it was decided, Anne, Robin, Jay and Mark went searching for a new home for the boys. They helped them to look after apartments and houses and they went to visit a lot of them. As they drove through the area around London was Louis surprised that he recognized multiple views out of the car. But as he thought about it, it wasn't even that weird: with this job of him he ended up everywhere where he never thought to be.

One place that stuck in their minds was a yellow row house in the suburb Hampstead. It was cute and old and gave them this nice cosy vibe. Plus the area was very attractive (the Beatles' crosswalk was centered there, which was incredibly awesome). Harry really liked it. But after some thinking they decided they wanted some more out of public eye, since they knew that would become a big problem. Although, Harry knew he would want to buy something like that someday.

Princess park was just indescribable, it was: "a damn freakin' palace for Godssake", which were Louis' words. Harry loved it, it was big and fairy-tale like and he would have here his own place with Louis, away from the world, for a couple yards than. It had a wonderful sight on endless gardens and their was this nice vibe around it. It was meant to be their new home.

The good news was that the other lads loved the place and wanted to move in there too and that's how they all ended up living in the same complex. With Harry and Louis living in the same apartment of course.

Princess Park Manor became the place of their dreams.

*

"Wait, wait, let me search for the keys" hushed Louis, while Harry stood impatiently waiting at their new home.

"Don't tell me you've lost them" eyed Harry his boyfriend suspicious.

Louis ignored his gaze. "No, no, they're here somewhere. You know how messy I can be sometimes." He searched further in his bag.

Harry laughed. "Sometimes, sure. Just break the act, Lou, I know you've lost-"

"Found them!" interrupted Louis him proud and he opened the door. He waited for Harry to walk in first.

The door opened into a living room, already furnished with expensive-looking white leather furniture and a fluffy blue rug in the center of the room. Harry immediately beamed excitedly as he noticed the couches that were big enough for their whole families. He went over to sit down on one of them and whispered: "I love the fabric."

From the sight where Louis stood he had to admit that it even looked better than the first time he saw it. Maybe that was because the sun was shining through the large curved windows. Maybe it was different now he knew it was all theirs. Or maybe it was just because Harry was now there too, smiling happily at Louis in the middle of the airy, open living room.

There was a well-hidden staircase in the corner of the living room, leading to the second story and the aforementioned 360-degree kitchen. The moment Harry stepped in and sees the dark wood cabinets ranging along half the room, the sleek chrome ovens and other appliances that Louis couldn’t begin to name, the simple glass table in the middle decorated with a bouquet of fresh flowers (which Louis had requested), he clapped his hands over his mouth, eyes bright.

Louis smiled as he watched Harry inspecting the cabinets. "Come let's see the bedroom," he suggested.

The third floor boasts the master bedroom, it was a little darker than the other rooms, illuminated only by a diamond-like-studded chandelier. Some of the walls were brick as a cozy addition to the interior and the floor was covered with a fluffy carpet. The bedroom had French doors that open onto a balcony and a California king sized bed just begging for its sheets to be mussed.

It was perfect for them. The bedrooms were light washes of gray, just like Harry wanted, and it had got the sort of kitchen that Harry had entire Pinterest boards dedicated to (not that Louis was supposed to know about those, but Harry was the least sneaky person ever and sometimes fell asleep looking at different styles of marble countertops). The whole place was modern but not space-age, roomy but comfortable, beautiful but not untouchable like a museum. There was enough room that both of their families could stay at the same time if they wanted, as well as the boys and some other friends all at the same time. Louis would bet all the money in the world that Harry was already planning fancy meals and dinner parties for that kitchen and dining area. They could build a life here; their very own sanctuary to barricade themselves in on bad days when the world got to be too much and all they want is each other.

.

"What do you think?" asked Louis softly, snickering at Harry's facial expression.

Harry's mouth opened a few times without producing a sound, like a fish gasping for air.

"You like it?" guessed Louis.

With that Harry had come out of his trance. He placed his hand over Louis' shoulders and looked him deadly serious in the eye. "No," he stated. "I don't like it. I don't even love it. The only thing that I'm sure of is that I'm in love with it. All of it. We have to buy it."

Louis laughed. "You haven't even seen the bathroom."

"I don't care," Harry answered. "I don't have to see it. I don't have to see another place. I'm already convinced." The grip in his hands grew only stronger. "If you are too of course," he added sheepishly, releasing Louis a bit.

"Well, it's fortunate that I bought it then," replied Louis, smiling smugly.

The last weeks Louis had been busy with the arrangements and deals of the place, which finally resulted in him signing the official contract. They would live in the apartment for a year and when the year had passed, they would discuss if they wanted to continue their presence there. It had been a contract he was pleased to sign, thought Louis back, in contrast to others, but he didn't want to think about that right now so he took his boyfriend in his arms and gently trailed his hand down his cheek. He stroked his thumb over the smooth skin there, one of his favorite things to do.

"This is all ours now."

Harry blinked a couple of times, slowly realizing what Louis had done. "What?"

"This is gonna be our home, Haz."

"Our home," repeated Harry, smiling. He was the one to lean in first, scooping Louis' lips into his own. "Thank you," he said as they parted slightly.

"Happy Birthday, Haz," replied Louis.

Harry was stunned for a moment, then he started laughing. "Wait. So the meet and greet with Stevie Nicks wasn't your over the top gesture? I mean, I was already crying over that. This is too much, Lou. How did you even do this?"

"With the help of my parents, and yours. The boys were in this too, you know. They love the place and want to move in here too so I guess we all will end up living in the same complex. With us living in the same apartment of course. We spoke to our management and they're fine with it. Besides, I pointed out to Simon that he'll want to keep us in London, that way we can do promo or recording whenever we need without having to travel across the country. But we can’t live in London on what our contracts paid, so I asked if any part of the rest of the two million pounds we didn’t get goes toward our expenses, and apparently a big part of it does. It's all settled."

Tears started to form in Harry's eyes, just like he had expected. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

Louis' hands were still cupping his face lovingly as the two fell into the familiar rhythm of each other's mouths.

And that was how they ended up in Princess Park.

Chapter Text

Their first performance of "What Makes You Beautiful" was hectic. Louis had already found out during The X-Factor and their tour that Harry had a lot of nerves before performing, but there was something as having nerves, and there was something as having nerves like Harry.

With Louis it was like he would rather not go on that stage and just stay chilling somewhere away from everyone's gazes, but he knew that his friends were counting on him, so he'd see how it went. Harry was just... vomit. Apparently he thought about how it could go all wrong, which made him believe it would go wrong and it all ended with him being terrified and sick.

The only thing that Louis could do was trying to comfort him, to pat his back and to hold him. He wished that he could do more.

The ITV performance wasn't even that bad at all, it was just that you could clearly hear Harry's nerves. Louis felt awful for him standing alone like a deer in the spotlight when the expectations and all the pressure were on his shoulders. As soon as it ended, Harry disappeared to somewhere so Louis looked at every room until he found him sitting somewhere in the corner on the ground.

The room was dark, and Louis could only recognize Harry by the lightning screen that he appeared to be holding in his trembling hands. Louis could see how his eyes were red and puffy, how his cheeks were wet and how he refused to acknowledge Louis when he entered the room.

"Haz," whispered Louis when he got closer to him, but Harry still didn't look up. The only thing that came in his mind was to grab the BlackBerry from Harry's lap, so he did that. Harry didn't stopped him, he seemed exhausted as he let Louis go his way. The urge to watch what was on the screen was too big, but when Louis saw what it was that people had written on twitter, he felt sick himself. He turned the thing off and left them two to sit in the dark.

"Haz, you shouldn't read what they say. These are people who don't care about you, they don't know about you, the only thing that they can do is talk shit. And even then they don't know what they're saying" tried Louis to comfort him, but he knew already it was hopeless, what he said didn't matter. Nothing that he could say would make a difference and that made him feel powerless.

Harry's face was twisted in embarrassment, and in spite of itself Louis' heart lightened. He looked down at his hands, clasping his knees. "I didn't want to read it really, I just needed to and I was right about me being bad you know." He hid his face in his arms.

"To us you were great Harry. I love your voice."

"You'll always say that" murmured Harry into his arms, he was frowning now. "I just don't get why they hate me. What have I done that they hate me so much?" He turned to Louis, his eyes still filled with frustration, with a sort of anger bewilderment, but mostly, they were filled with hurt.

He let it go, all the pressure, all the hate, he cried. Louis wanted to take him in his arms so bad, but he knew that Harry wouldn't want that. At this moment he looked more like he wished to drown himself in self-pity and there was no thing that Louis could do about it.

Finally Harry got himself together a bit more, trying to stop the shaking of his body. He wiped his tears off and looked back at the floor. "You know, I've- I've always wanted to be one of these people who didn't really cared that much about what people thought about them, but I just- I just don't think I am."

This time, he was ready to be taken in Louis arms.

*

It never got that bad again before a concert, but maybe that was because Louis had made up a system. It wasn't that complicated really, it just involved distracting Harry as much as he could - mostly pleasuring him - so that he would forget about the performance coming. Back then in the X-Factor tour they tweeted to each other before their performance even though they were together. Louis thought it was because it kind of helped against the nerves - he struggled with them too, but for Harry it was more of another way to express their love in public.

Still, Louis loved them. He also kept an eye on Harry for not reading rude twitter comments to protect him and complemented Harry as much as he could. It all turned out fine really, Harry seemed doing a lot better in his mental state.

"You know what I want to do?" started Louis. Right now was everybody at their apartment in Princess Park. After a few games and a movie, they had ordered some pizza and now they were enjoying them on the couch. Another great thing of living alone was that you never were supposed to eat on a table.

Since they moved in there, they saw each other a lot more. Not that they saw each other not a lot already since being One Direction was a full time job, but it was nice to do some relaxing stuff together, away from their hard work-life. Harry thought it was wonderful to live close with your friends, it meant that you were never alone.

"What, mate?" asked Niall, his mouth filled with pizza tomato sauce and meat.

Louis grabbed excited his phone and showed everyone a website of a bar named G-A-Y in London. It was quiet for a moment when anyone realized what this was about.

"You want to go to a gay bar together?" On a way Zayn seemed happy about it. But yeah, Zayn had always been excitingly supportive to them. "Why don't you two just go?"

Harry and Louis shared an awkward look, they had never talked about something like this before. "Uh, I meant like performing there" explained Louis. "Like when we're drunk or something, it's just really funny."

"Yeah, sounds great mate" commented Niall, already chewing on another piece.

"It's a nice idea, but how are we ever get to preform there? They never gonna let us, are they?" asked Liam concerned.

"Well, we don't need them. I can just call the club myself and make it work. If you guys are in."

"I'm in" answered Harry immediately and Louis smiled at him. He knew that no matter how anxiety Harry would feel, he would try it for Louis to work. Louis leaned over to kiss him and the cheeks and Harry giggled as Louis drapped all over him on the sofa, hands everywhere.

"Me too" joined Zayn in. "It'll actually be quite nice to rebel them for once. To make our own decision I mean" he explained, even though he knew that Harry and Louis only had eye for each other right now.

"Yeah, I was already in mate" said Niall too.

Now glanced everyone at Liam, even Harry and Louis looked up from their kissing. Liam shifted uncomfortable. "I don't know about the management stuff, they're not going to like this." Liam had a feeling in his gut saying this wouldn't end well.

"Why?" asked Harry as Louis sat up, still straddling Harry's hips and there was a frankly obnoxious smirk on his lips. With that he pushed the negative thoughts away. He didn't want to ruin this moment by thinking of the possible consequences, the last thing he wanted was Harry to be involved in his mess.

Liam pulled a hand through his hair. "Because first of all we're about to do a performance which they didn't allowed us to do and second... Well, they're not gonna like the reactions that it'll encourage. They're probably going to breath more in our necks than they already do. I mean, I won't bother as they blame me that's it's my fault, they don't have the right to put it on me anyway. And I'm not going to be another guy to decline you something as we're going through that enough, I just wanted to share my concerns."

Everybody knew what he was talking about. Doing something like this wouldn't fit the brand that they'd put on them. This wouldn't fit the way they were designed to sell. And since management had chosen Liam as the one who was held responsible for how the others act, he was almost knocked down by the pressure.

"You're right," said Louis, against everyone's expectations.

He knew that, since they didn’t even win the X Factor, and since it was been years since a British X Factor act got any traction at all outside of the U.K., they had a lot to prove. He knew that boy bands have a short shelf life as it is, and if they were serious about making music as their careers they had to set a solid foundation to build off of later. He knew that it didn’t matter how much they want to succeed, if their first album flopped then it was game over and Simon would kick them off his label as soon as he could. And he knew that for this album to succeed, they had to have excellent working relationships with their producers and writers and musicians and, if they do did good relationships with them, they may get to offer some of their own opinions and be taken seriously in making their own music.

But Louis was tired of trying to keep them happy all the time, and he knew that Liam was too. "And I'm sorry if you're going to get shit for it, I'll try to put it on me," he almost looked with empathy at Liam, the frustration about the whole situation visible on his face. "But hell, we shouldn't even be worried about this. We should have our rights to stand and go where we want" continued Louis stubborn. He knew that Liam's concerns were grounded, but he needed this thing, he felt that every chance became smaller and smaller so maybe this would the last thing he could do. He turned his attention away from the dark matter and focused back on the light underneath him, his eyes fixed on Harry who squirmed as Louis licked him, with his eyes slightly glossy and his cheeks rosy pink.

"We should." Niall nodded seriously, a can of Pepsi in one hand and a bag of crisps in his lap.

"Yeah, but-" Liam was interrupted by Harry's happy laughter as Louis finally leaned down to lick at one of his dimples and he gave up. "Whatever, I'm with you guys too."

Louis yelled: "Hell yeah, Payno, that's right", way too loud, which made them cover their ears. Harry jumped at him to make him stop and they started to fight and the other boys took part soon.

They could've expect what was about to come, but not how it was going to change things."

*

It was amazing. It really was. Louis was noticeably having the time of his life, openly flamboyant as usual and being genuinely confident and fun. Harry couldn't stop smiling while watching him. He didn't felt any nerve for himself that night, it was quite liberating. He knew the other lads just did it to make Louis happy, but Harry saw they enjoyed it too. Or at least they enjoyed watching Louis going all crazy, just as Harry.

Especially during 'What Makes You Beautiful', when everybody started trowing cake at them, Harry didn't where the hell they got it from, but it was fantastic. At the moment it felt like the happiest performance of the song. Except the part where he slipped on a piece of cake, but just like always, Louis was there to help him up. After that Louis lays his arm around Harry's and whispered: "You don't know how much I want to kiss you right now."

Harry's breath stuck for a moment there, but he knew it was the best to wait until they where away from the cameras. He wasn't ready for the whole world seeing them together. So he said: "Later" and winked.

But unfortunately for them, there was no later, Louis suddenly had to go away, once he picked up the phone, his smile had faded away from his lips.

"What's wrong?" asked Zayn worried as Louis had ended the call with Simon.

Everyone in the room had noticed that Louis' energy and happiness had disappeared in a few seconds. "It's nothing, Simon just wants a meeting with me."

Harry saw that he was acting like nothing was wrong and that proved to him that there was a lot wrong, knowing Louis. He always tried to ignore his problems, trying not to let them to control his life. Harry was kind of jealous about his nonchalance act, but he also knew that running away from your problems wouldn't solve them.

"A meeting with you alone?" questioned Niall confused.

"Wait, is this about tonight?" asked Liam concerned. "Because it's not on you only, we're all in this. Let me talk to him."

"No, no, I don't think it's about tonight. It will be fine. I will just do what he says. Thanks for your offer though." Louis gave everyone a weak smile, but he looked no one in the eye. Harry was hurt that he ignored him too, it felt like he had did something wrong and he felt already guilty about it without knowing what it was. "Well, I need to get ready for my flight. I had a really good time tonight, lads. Thanks again for that. Goodnight."

It seemed like he couldn't be faster away from them and nobody understood what was wrong with him. They didn't get why he just didn't told them what the phone call was about. But Harry couldn't let him leave like this, Louis needed to talk to him, they needed to talk things through. Whatever this was, they should be in this together. Harry run after Louis op and stopped him.

"Lou" Harry tried to look in the boys eyes, but in vain. "You would tell me if something was wrong, right?"

Harry could feel Louis taking his hand and they both stared at their intertwined fingers. "Yeah, but like I said everything is just fine. I'll be back tomorrow, don't worry about it," answered Louis, keeping his voice in line. For a moment Harry felt a stab in his heart because Louis didn't seemed to trust him. But he forgot about it already, this wasn't about him.

Suddenly Louis looked up, straight in Harry's eyes. Harry felt himself crushed with all the feelings in the light blue oceans. "Goodbye, Harry."

That goodbye felt other than others. Harry knew something was different. Normally Louis would kiss him with a smile on his lips, which would make him blush. He would stroke through Harry's curls and he would make him feel safe in his arms. He would tell him he loved him and that he would miss him. He would tell him that the time without him would suck and that he couldn't wait to come back already.

But now, it seemed to Harry that Louis was already gone, to a place where Harry couldn't reach him. He had left him.

And when their hands let go, so did Louis.

*

Louis left on his airplane to LA with a heavy heart.

He knew that the look in Harry's eyes would chase him just the moment as he closed his own, so he decided that trying to get some sleep was pointless. He'd rather be unconscious anyway as he arrived so that he wouldn't need to listen to the crap that was coming. He felt exhausted as he thought about again a meeting that would eat him from the inside and spit him out at the end. Louis wanted to be strong - for Harry - but he knew he couldn't be.

The boarding went by in a haze of people Louis didn't know, his body reacted and followed the crowd until he realized that he had his own destination waiting for him. It was already morning in America, everyone around him was rushing to get on time, while Louis didn't want to go in the first place. All he wanted was to crawl away in some dark corner in his old home in Doncaster, but he knew that that wasn't even an option.

At the building appeared a woman who introduced herself as an assistant of the company and she proposed to lead Louis through the many levels and halls. Louis was surprised that she didn't led him to a white room full of management employees, but to Simon Cowell himself. He wanted to stop her as she knocked at the door and opened him after a short: "Come in."

Simon looked up from his desk, his face unreadable. "Ah, Veronica. Thank you for bringing Mr. Tomlinson in" smiled he friendly at the assistant next to Louis. "Louis, please take a seat. I'm sorry for letting you fly at night, you must be exhausted. Veronica, could you bring a cup of coffee for Mr. Tomlinson, please?"

Veronica returned the smile and nodded before she left the room, left Louis there. Louis, who didn't even liked coffee, but there were other issues to worry about now. Simon eyed him from behind his desk and Louis shifted uneasy in his chair because of his intimidating gaze.

"So, Louis, that was quite an act you pulled there yesterday. I assume it was your idea?"

"It was, I'm sorry." Louis knew that it only would make it worse if he tried to defend himself.

"Do you even know what you have caused? I honesty don't know how much effort we're going to have to put in this to fix this fiasco." Simon rubbed in his eyes like only the thought made him tired already and as he looked back up at Louis he seemed disappointed.

"I'm sorry," was the only thing Louis could repeat.

"I know you are. I know you only want the best for the band, Louis. Teens at your age just don't really think things through and that's understandable, you'll learn with the years, though. Now, this is nothing we can't fix, don't worry, you'll be back in London by this evening if you like."

The thought of being with Harry soon again encouraged Louis and he felt actually relieved, this wasn't as bad as he thought - for now. Veronica entered the office again with a cup of coffee which she gave to Louis with a smile. He thanked her, even though he knew he wasn't going to drink it.

"Look, Louis, I don't want to make you uncomfortable but there's just something that's bothering me," continued Simon as Veronica had left again. "Well, it doesn't really bothers me. It's just..." Simon made indistinct gestures with his hands in the air to express his lack of words.

"I'll let you see for yourself," decided he after a short silence. Simon turned his laptop around so that Louis could see what was on the screen and his stomach cramped as he saw a what was on it. A YouTube video dominated the page video, the one of One Direction at the club from last night. Louis saw himself smiling next to Harry, cake covering his clothes, the energy vibrating from his body, ... he felt ashamed and the video hadn't even started.

"I suggest you just watch the video for a bit." Simon pressed on pause and the sound of screaming fans filled the room, the volume was way too loud. As he saw themselves there at the stage, Louis saw how happy they were, how happy he was. It belonged in his top ten of performances. But now, watching it, watching himself, was the worst thing ever.

The performance of 'Torn' and 'Forever Young' had been fine, but the one that Simon showed was 'What Makes You Beautiful', Louis shifted in his seat again. In the video he was wiping some cake of his face and liking it of his fingers and he was dancing way too much than he liked now. This was what Simon tried to express and it was clear that he felt satisfied about himself as he watched Louis until the video, the whole video - Simon had lied - was over.

"I know it isn't easy for you to watch this, because you were clearly very drunk. It is completely normal to drink at your age, but Louis, you guys are in the point of your careers that everyone is going to watch every move you make, you have to understand that you can't you act like this in public anymore, people will see you. You can't behave like this anymore," stated Simon as he gestured to the screen, pushing Louis to look at himself again.

""We just don't want to give people the wrong idea of you guys, your... shall we call it flamboyance? Your mannerisms have made many people assume things about your sexuality and relationship preferences even if they have no proof. I understand that it may sound harsh to you, but we have an image to hold up and the last thing we want is to disappoint them. Are you still following?"

Of course Louis knew what this was about, it would always be about this. He felt the urge to smirk as he thought about how much everybody probably wanted to kick him out of the band because of the extra piles of work he caused. He hadn't even drank last night, maybe it would be slightly better if they believed that, even though he had only been free.

Louis accomplished to reply with a silent 'yes', since Simon was still waiting for his answer.

Simon nodded approvingly. "I'm sure you'll put your best effort in this to make this work, Louis. Just make sure that you'll this reckless behavior behind you, alright? I decide what you do and when you do, understand? This won't happen again." Simon shoved a pile of papers away like the problem was solved by only doing that. Soon enough appeared some new documents.

"Well, about this girlfriend problem, it's almost arranged. We all know Hannah wasn't enough, we need something more public, but that's not for now already so don't let it come in your head. Maybe it's better if I let you go off to sleep now, we can always talk things further another time."

Simon stood up and walked to Louis to put a hand on his shoulder. "Louis, I know this isn't easy and that you've got a lot of weight to carry, but your hard work will be rewarded. You guys are gonna make it worldwide, I promise."

He got a small smile in return from Louis, who felt fragile and broken in his heart.

"You look like you could use some rest," noted Simon. "I'll let Veronica book a hotel for you nearby. You could take your flight tomorrow afternoon after you've slept a bit. Sounds that good to you?"

Louis nodded, tired. He hadn't even brought any stuff, he couldn't even let Harry know. He couldn't call him or his sisters or his mom, he felt like had had let them all down. He just wanted some sleep, some rest. Simon had assured him that he would be back in London by the evening, but Louis was fine with taking a hotel here. He needed some time for himself to think some things over and to, well, cry.

*

Harry played nervously with his bracelet from the Leeds festival he had attended in August with Louis. He thought back about the late nights as he sneaked in Louis' tent, with them laying under the blue fence, falling in love with the sound of the rain. Right now, he needed the good memories from then, now, when everything was different.

When Louis returned from his meeting, he wasn't himself from that point forward, changing his behavior over time. The boys noticed it immediately, since Louis was normally the loud center of the group. But he wouldn't speak to them and ignored their concerns.

Harry didn't know what to do about it. He wished everything was just the same as before. When Louis looked at him with love in his eyes, so that Harry knew everything was going to be alright. But now, he saw only pain in these blue spirals. He hated it. He wished Louis would just talk to him.

But the opposite of what he wanted happened. Instead of crossing the long bridge that connected over their gab, Louis cut it off. He just snapped the bridge into the abyss with announcing to Harry that he would leave Princess Park. He didn't really phrased it like that though, just that he needed some time of before the big tour and stuff.

The only thing he said was: "There's something I've to take care off, don't worry about it, I will make everything alright. I just- I just can't stay here for a while anymore. I'm sorry."

Harry didn't understand why. He thought that everything was alright, until that meeting occurred between Louis and Simon. Harry didn't know what he could've possibly said that it had upset Louis so much. But he couldn't ask about it, Louis ignored all his questions. And with that, he left Harry behind in confusion and hurt.

*

The news was exploded so much with it that Harry couldn't ignore it. Louis was with another girl. Another who Harry didn't even knew where she came from. He didn't even realized he and Louis broke up at some point. They hadn't, right?

Harry knew that Louis texted him not to call anymore, but he needed an explanation for this. "Pick up, pick up, pick up..." prayed Harry to Louis at the other line.

Suddenly the ringing stopped, for a moment was Harry disappointed because he thought it jumped on voicemail. But there it was, Louis' voice, the one he missed so much. "Harry?"

"Louis, what is going on?" asked Harry and he was surprised by his own demanding tone, he didn't need to feel guilty about, he had every right to be angry, no matter how broken Louis sounded over the phone.

"Can I come over? Please, H-" Louis' voice sounded even more weak and vulnerable, like he could burst in tears any moment.
Harry found himself having a hard time to cope with it, but he couldn't let Louis to walk over him like he did. "What? You ignored me for almost 2 weeks and now you're together with some girl I've never heard of, nice of you telling me we broke up by the way!"

"Wait! It's not like that!" yelled Louis back on the other line to empower his statement.

"Please, Hazz, let me come over and we'll talk about it. Please."

And Harry knew that he couldn't resist that, he couldn't resist Louis' begging. "Fine" told he him angry and after ending the call, he realized it: Louis would come back. Harry quickly tried to remove all the garbage and opens the windows for refreshment. As fast as he can jumps he in the shower and tries to wash his tears that hung in his eyes for days away. He didn't want Louis to know that he cared.

"Hazz" Louis stood broken in the hallway. It seemed like he wanted to hug him so Harry steps away to avoid that. Louis arms fell useless back against his waist. "Can I come in?"

His voice was so fragile, that Harry had to look at him. It immediately touched his heart to see Louis' red water eyes. Harry nodded in answer and walked inside to let himself fall in the couch and cover his head.

"You alright?" asked Louis.

"No." Harry hated that his voice broke too, but it was just to much to be with Louis again. He didn't even had the power to show how angry he was at Louis. A comforting small hand rubbed his back and Harry looked up to blue eyes. "Talk to me, Lou, please. I can make no sense of it."

Louis went to the seat on the opposite of Harry and signed.

"I'm sorry, I should've told you about what happened on the meeting right away. I was just so upset about everything and I didn't wanted you to drown with me. But now I realize I shouldn't have pushed you away like that and just talked to you."

"You should have" cleared Harry. "What was it about?"

Louis looked at his hands, ashamed. "Mostly about me. Apparently Simon thinks I'm too gay and that I mess you up and that I screw it up for the whole band to be successful."

There was the upcoming rage again, but this time it wasn't aimed at Louis. Harry couldn't believe this. Funny how fast you can you from admiring a person to hating them if they hurt someone you care about. There was no way that Harry could ever forgive him this, it didn't matter that he was the one that had made them famous, he had done it only for his own wallet anyway. "Fuck that asshole, Lou! He can't treat you like that! You shouldn't even listen to him, he only cares about himself so all he says is for his own benefit. You know that everything he dwells on isn't true, right?"

"I- I don't know," uttered Louis and his voice broke. Harry saw that the tears started to fall down and he runs at him toe take the fragile boy in his arms. It touched him to see Louis like this and he knew he couldn't be angry at him anymore. Not about this. He wished Louis had come sooner to him, he could've support him so he didn't have to go through this alone.

"Shh.. It's going to be alright, sun" comforted Harry and Louis' following chuckles due his little nickname warmed Harry's body. He made Louis to look at him by cupping his cheeks by his own hands. "You the most beautiful person I've ever met, Lou. On the outside and on the inside. Don't let people ever tell you something else."

Louis smiled at him, and it hit Harry how much he had missed that smile. The past weeks had been so incredibly hard for him, and he knew it was all because of missing Louis. He loved this boy with his whole heart, he learned that the hard way. He needed his smile, his laugh, his love,... He simply couldn't live without him.

"I don't deserve you, Haz."

Harry hated it when Louis said stuff like this, like he saw himself less worth than he actually was. Like he felt that he didn't deserved anything good that happened to him. Harry wished that Louis could see himself through his eyes, that he would know how much Harry loved him, that he would believe he was worth it.

"Look, just talk to me if something like this happens next time, okay? I almost thought that you were sick of me or something like that" tried Harry to be funny but he could feel the tears coming too.

"It's going to be all so messed up, Harry. I'm sorry."

"Who was that girl?" asked Harry suddenly, while pulling his arms away. He needed an explanation for that, he deserved that at least after everything he has been through.

"Oh, that. They made me to get to know Eleanor so that we could do photo-shoots in public. For media and stuff. They said it will make things better."

"What the fuck, Lou. How could that be better?"

"It's the only way for us to be together. They said I can't be with you unless we cover it, and this was the only way."

It seemed like Louis had already made his choice: Harry. Even if that involved a fake girlfriend. He just wanted Harry. How could something be so simple and complicated on the same time?

Harry stood up and paced in the room, thinking about everything. They never thought about how things were going to go further with them, because they had no reason to. Nobody had made a big problem of it so far, so they didn't worried about it too much. They should have thought about it, though. Not that it would've helped in any way, there was no way for them to be prepared for something like this.

"This is so fucked up." Harry ran his fingers frustrated through his hair. "Why do they even have a problem with us?"

"It's all just for media, Hazz. I had to do this shoot once to promote or album or something, they said wouldn't happen to much, only if they need the pictures. We could make it work" tried Louis, becoming desperately while watching Harry struggling.

"But it killed me, Lou! It just killed me to see you with her! Don't you get it? This isn't going to make things better no matter how you picture it." Louis stayed silent for a moment, shocked by Harry's explosion, so Harry took the word again: "I don't even know I want this any longer. It feels like I'm playing a game that I'm destined to lose."

The sad tone in Harry's voice was clearly noticeable, Louis felt like he was already giving up on him. "What? Harry, I know this is shit, but the tickets for our first album tour went on sale today, all that we've worked for the past year. Don't let them take away your happiness for what you've achieved, don't give up, not now. Please don't let them take this away from you."

Harry sighed. "You're right, I'm sorry. I won't quit, it just feels like they're already robbing you from me and I just don't want this to be so fucking hard. I need you to be with me." His anger faded away, which made him only left with his pain.

Now it was Louis' time again to comfort his boyfriend. "We'll find a way to work this out, Hazz. Please, just give it a chance. Give us a chance."

"I will" sniffled Harry as he buried his head on the older boy's shoulder, wetting Louis' shirt. They stayed for a while like this, just clenching to each other so much that their veins appeared due to their endeavor. Louis' arms were drapped around Harry's waist, pressing his full body to his, while Harry had his behind Louis' neck, ready to pull him closer for a kiss if he wanted to. Neither of them was ready to let go, but sadly they couldn't hold each other forever.

"Okay, it's late already and you look like someone who could use some rest" laughed Louis at him after cuddling a while.

"Yeah, you're right." Harry wiped his cheeks dry and cleared his throat.

Louis stood up from their couch, away from their embrace. "Well, see you tomorrow then."

"Wait!" Harry grabbed his wrist to hold him in place. "Where are you going?"

"Uh, I've slept at Niall's place the last few days. I just didn't know or you would be-"

"You should stay here" interrupted Harry him. He couldn't say how happy he was to see Louis his face back after something that felt like a century ago, he just wanted him to stay. "I mean not in our - my room. You know, maybe you could use yours for once" snickered he.

Louis smiled at his request and was glad to take it. He was happy they finally talked out stuff, it had been exhausting to go through this without him and to ignore Harry as much as he could. He had missed him so badly that it felt like a weight was taken from his shoulders. "Yeah, if you're okay with it. I don't want to bother you."

"It's fine, really. You will find your way, right?" Louis laughed at Harry's stupid joke and it felt like everything is going to be okay again.

"Goodnight, Haz. See you tomorrow morning." And they both realized how much they loved the thought of seeing each other so soon again. It wasn't perfect. It was far from it. But even now, they had found their way back to each other. And somehow, Harry knew that they always would.

It would be alright. They were alright.

Chapter Text

For the first time in days Harry had a decent night without finding himself in his own tears in the morning. It had been comforting, knowing that Louis was only a few walls away. Harry just wanted to forget the time he had spend without Louis. It hadn't even been that long, but that didn't matter, every moment without Louis was hard.

Although he wanted to see Louis walking in there apartment around again, he stayed a little longer in bed, just thinking about everything. There had changed a lot and he didn't know what to expect from what was coming. Maybe it wouldn't be to be that bad, if after all he and Louis could stay together. But even he knew that it wouldn't be for real, he hated the thought of sharing Louis with someone else.

Harry took his phone to distract himself, but it didn't really help, because the internet was all about Louis' new girlfriend. It broke his heart a little, thinking back at the times when it was all about him and Louis. He had always loved how people had their back even if they didn't know the whole story, they didn't need to know, it was obvious and Harry liked the way how it went that way. There was no pressure for them to come out or something like that, it was just how it was. In contrary to how it was now, now when there wasn't even an option to open up.

Harry just wanted to throw his phone against the wall and watch how the screen cracked into pieces, he actually was about to when he suddenly saw a tweet from a fan that hit him, so he retweeted it without thinking about it: 'If Louis is happy with Eleanor, then so am I. But spare a thought for Harry, he's probably got a broken heart.'

He just stared at his phone until suddenly there appeared an answer, only a few minutes later: @Louis_Tomlinson Always in my heart @Harry_Styles. Your sincerely, Louis.

Harry couldn't held the smile back that lighted his face up and just at that moment walked Louis in. "Hi there" greeted Louis him, unsure if Harry even wanted him there. "I tried to make you some breakfast like you always do. But yeah, you know me baking skills, so just ended up to be a few eggs on toast if that's okay" said he shy while he put the plate on the bed. "Got you a cup of tea too."

"Morning" Harry sat upright against the cushions and accepted the tea from Louis, but with the action spilled some water on the sheets. "Oops" laughed he. "Thanks, Lou."

Louis still stood awkwardly next to the bed. "Is it okay if I?"

"Oh, yeah, sure" replied Harry, knowing already what Louis asked for. He budged over to create some place for Louis who filled the empty space next to him. "How are you?" asked Harry as he watched him curious, putting his cup down and taking an egg toast.

"I'm good" smiled Louis, laying his head on Harry's shoulder. "I am now."

"Yeah, me too." Harry turned his head to him to kiss him. Louis' soft lips answered without hesitation and Harry let a little moan escape in his mouth. He couldn't have imagined that it would go like this already now. Last night they were practically fighting and Harry still felt hurt because of the way how Louis left him, but he also new that this moment was too beautiful to let it slip. Still, maybe they should take it easy, thought Harry, so before the heat turned up too much stopped Harry, saving it for later.

"I'm glad you're here" told he Louis and he gave his boyfriend - he hoped that he still was his boyfriend - another kiss.

Louis eyes twinkled, like Harry just told him he loved him, maybe it had felt that way for him. He said it back, his voice sweet like spring blossom and Harry understood it. It was their way to tell how much they had missed each other, it was their way to tell how they wanted to stay together.

"Want to make some chocolate cookies? I'll try this time not to burn them" smiled Louis after their little moment. He received Harry's laugh, which was according to him the most beautiful thing in the world - next to Harry's dimples of course.

"I'll keep an eye on them... and you." Harry put on the stereo and happy music danced through the kitchen while Louis gathered all the ingredients.

Harry Styles @Louis_Tomlinson just came and got in my bed with a cup of tea. Backstreet Boys are on 4music... Typical Wednesday. "I'm going to miss our tweets" said Harry disappointed.

"Yeah, me too. But we'll find another way to bother them."

"I think you do that already enough with your sassy comments" joked Harry and he thought about all the interviews where Louis amazed him with being just himself - another thing that's changed. Harry got rid of the depressing thoughts, it was enough already that Louis was here with him right now.

Louis next to him had something else in mind when he came closer to him. "You don't have to hide it, Hazza. I know I turn you on with them" whispered he playfully from behind in his ear and Harry could feel the bumps appearing on his skin.

Harry blushed and pushed him away, a bit disturbed how easy Louis could rile him up. It wasn't fair how much effect the boy had on him. "It's morning, Lou, keep yourself together."

"Who is going to stop us?" Louis grabbed Harry's waist to press him to his groin and brushed his lips against his neck. With that fell Harry's plan of taking it easy in the water and he turned around to face Louis. "Exactly, no one is" stated Louis before slipping his tongue in. Harry moaned as Louis bit his bottom lip, grinding their hips in sync. It seemed like they can't get enough from each other, but, yeah, they also had a lot of lost time to catch up on to.

Yeah, 'typical Wednesday' thought Harry as Louis tugged at his shirt, ready for a morning blowjob. Louis pulled Harry in their bedroom, just because it was the most comfortable place in the apartment. He pushed him on the sheets and climbed over his hips to kiss him. The snog went from slow to heated and they only stopped to take each other's shirts out. Louis started to kiss Harry's collarbone and sucking on the sensitive spots, which made Harry moan of pleasure and Louis quited for a moment to look at his beautiful boy with the curly hair.

As he leaned down to lick Harry's skin again, Harry swirmed away. He knew himself that they couldn't keep living in this haze of pleasure they had created this morning. There was going to come a time when their little bubble would pop and Harry didn't want it to come unprepared like the last time, so he decided to do it himself. "Lou, we can't- we need to talk."

Louis eyed him confused at first, but then shifted of Harry's lap. "Oh, yeah, you're right."

The moment his legs were free, crossed Harry his ankles over each other, staring at his feet while he leaned on his lower arms. "Look, I'm not blaming you for anything but this was the second time you shot me out after a meeting. You promised the last time that you wouldn't."

"I know," Louis stared down to, stroking the sheets between his fingertips. "I like to say that I tried, but it was too hard. I know it wasn't on purpose, but you made me feel that it was stupid if I cared about what he said, you know? And I know I shouldn't care, but I did- I do. I couldn't act like it didn't bothered me, like everything was going to be alright, because I knew it wasn't going to be."

"Well, what's changed?" As far as Harry knew, things were still the same, so he just hoped that Louis didn't still thought that they wouldn't last.

Louis looked up, his blue eyes shining. "I realized that I couldn't live without you. I know it's selfish and not fair to you, but I can't."

"That's not selfish, Lou. And if it is, then I am too." Harry got a little smile in return. "I am selfish and jealous in fact, and that's why it's so hard for me to see you with someone else. Someone else who is your girlfriend in the eyes of the world, I don't- I don't know how I'm going to deal with that. I can't share you with someone else."

"Oh, Harry" Louis coped Harry's cheeks. "You won't have to. I'm only yours" promised he. "I love you" he felt like he could never tell him that enough. He just loved that three simple words.

"I love you too" replied Harry, still with a shaky breath.

Louis caressed his cheek one last time again before he moved it higher to stroke Harry's hair. "Can I kiss you?"

"Yeah," smiled Harry. "You can even do what we came here for in the first place."

*

They moved back to the kitchen after they had left for hygienic reasons. Not that Harry really bothered, he wasn't wearing anything but his boxer shorts.

"Hazza? Could you break the eggs for me?" asked Louis, following the recipe for the cookies they intended to make all along.

"Still scared of them?" smirked Harry.

"No. I'm not scared of eggs, that would be stupid. They're just slimy and sticky and I don't like them." Louis rolled his eyes as he saw Harry laughing because of him. "Shut up."

"You made eggs on toast for me this morning, though" pointed Harry out.

"Exactly. It reminded me why I don't touch eggs."

Harry snickered, shaking his head and broke the eggs for him and together they finished the cookie dough. Louis twisted and turned on some piece of dough while Harry eyed him curiously. "Uh, what are you trying to do?"

"I've made a heart. Look, here are two mountains and here is the point where they collide" answered Louis, but Harry just continued to stare confused at the deformed cookie. Louis sighed. "Just look at it better."

"Alright" said Harry, to looking closer at the cookie and to be honest he still didn't really see it. Suddenly - as Harry's gaze was captivated by the blur of an heart - grabbed Louis the crook of his neck and pushed his nose in the dough.

"Hey!" yelled Harry offended as he freed himself from Louis' hand. "You promised me you wouldn't ever push me again in a cake."

Louis smirked at him and responded by liking Harry's nose clean. "You said it yourself: 'cake', this are cookies, love."

Harry groaned and glared at his boyfriend with narrowed eyes. Louis sensed the danger but before he could ran away, grabbed Harry his arm and took the dough that was left in his hand, ready for packback. He threw the substance at Louis, who was trying to release himself from Harry's grip, but in vain. His whole face ended up being covered in cookie dough. "Damn it, Hazz."

Harry's lips curled playfully up, happy with how Louis looked. "You want me to lick it off?"

"No way I'm giving you that pleasure" Louis let his finger take some of the mixture away of his cheek and put it in his mouth after. He knew that sucking his finger off would turn Harry on, so he did it over again, just to tease him.

Harry could only shake his head at the boy and tried to ignore him while he placed the cookies in the oven. As Louis was ready with wiping his face off, proper with water and soap, Harry approached him. "Do you maybe want to dance?"

Louis smiled at him and shrugged. "Yeah, why not?" asked he to himself and he laid his hand in Harry's as an answer.

Despite the song had a happy, fast beat, they started to dance slow in the kitchen. Harry was taking the lead, moving Louis along with him in his arms. They had literaly no idea what they were doing, but that wasn't what mattered. What mattered, was that they felt happy and free for once again.

*

They spend the whole day just doing nothing in particular. Except cooking, eating and kissing. It was just Hazza and Lou again, and no one could ever change that.

In the evening came Niall by to say how happy he was that everything was great again between them. They decided to make some pizza themselves - they were really in a cooking mood that day - so Harry started with the dough while Louis chopped some vegetables. Niall, as lazy he was, just sat on the counter talking about everything and nothing.

An hour later was the pizza done, the whole kitchen filled with the delicious smell. Niall practically moaned as he ate his piece to express how good it was. Louis was sure that the pizza was probably the reason that Niall had gave them a present. "You know, I bought tickets to Ed for the 17th in Manchester in case I wanted to see him, but don't think I can go so I figured that you two love birds would enjoy it."

"Thanks, Nialler! You're the kindest lad I've ever known!" yelled Louis and he hugged his friend.

Harry laughed. "Thanks a lot, lad. You shouldn't have done that."

"I wanted to. This band is nothing without Larry, ya know" commented Niall serious.After spending another hour on the PlayStation and eating, Niall went finally home. They loved the lad, really, but they were in a certain mood today and they didn't want to miss out their new discovery of worriless happiness.

"It looks like were going on a date" said Louis waving proudly with the tickets.

"Hmm" agreed Harry. "Although the 17th is still too long away."

"Oh, we can make always room for dates before, you know. It's not like I could get ever enough of you." Louis pushed him against the wall and pressed his lips against Harry's. Their tongues met and Louis tilted his head, curling his tongue against Harry's, sucking it into his mouth and swallowing his quiet moan. "Trust me," breathed Louis as they caught their breaths. "You're mine boyfriend, 'cause you're the only one with who I do this."

He shoved one knee between Harry's thighs and grabbed his hips, pulling him against his crotch, his teeth catching Harry's bottom lip, while his hands held his bum. He lifted Harry off the ground, hands firm on his thighs and pressed him against the wall with his own weight. Harry curled his legs around Louis small waist, holding on to his shoulders as Louis walked them both to the bedroom. He put Harry gently on the bed and climbed on him to roll their hips together.

Harry gasped, moaned quietly, and Louis knew that he had to be able to feel him getting hard. Louis snaked his other hand between them and opened the button of Harry's jeans. Harry opened his eyes, watching Louis, going all tense the moment Louis slipped his hand in, running his fingers over the base of Harry's cock.

"Fuck, yes," Harry mumbled, nuzzling against Louis' chest and pushing his hips forwards. "Lou."

It fired Louis on, urged him into going further, pushing Harry's jeans down together with his underwear. Harry's hand was groping his bum, fingers slipping beneath the waistband of Louis' boxer to caress naked skin, shoving the fabric down until it pooled at Louis' feet. Just like that they got rid of clothes.

Harry lifted his head, finding Louis already staring at him. He looked beautiful, lips parted, and a moan escaped him every time they rocked together in just the right way. Louis framed Harry's face, leaning in to take another kiss. Getting lost in it, Louis grinded harder against Harry, pushing him forcefully against the mattress with every thrust of his hips. Harry gasped into his mouth, their kiss turning into them desperately breathing into each other.

"Harry," Louis choked out then, tugging on his hair. "I want you."

Harry closed his eyes when their cocks rubbed against each other between them, pre-come leaking from his own. "I need you, Lou."

Louis kept rocking slightly, keeping the friction up, and Harry huffed out several breaths, nails digging deep into the underside of Louis' thighs. As Harry eyes opened again, admired Louis his glassy eyes and flushed cheeks, he leant down to kiss Harry's neck. "You sure? It can hurt a lot and I've never done this before so-"

"I trust you," said Harry and with that he made Louis' nervous appearance vanish. A smile appeared on the other boys face and he gave Harry a quick kiss.

"Alright, let me get the stuff" Louis leaned at his bedside table to take a small bottle of lube and a condom.

Harry frowned at the sight and his lips curled up. "You just already bought it for the opportunity, huh?"

"For some things you just need to be prepared, Harry, everyone knows that" explained Louis sassily to hide his blush. "Turn around" demanded Louis smugly and Harry obeyed, turning on his stomach to push his ass in the air. Louis lowered himself between Harry thighs to bring a finger to circle Harry's rim, who got turned up immediately again as he felt Louis exploring the skin around his hole. The place became tensed and Harry couldn't wait for what was about to happen.

Suddenly pushed Louis gently a finger in and Harry gasped at the new feeling. Louis looked up and saw that Harry had closed his eyes with moans escaping his slightly parted mouth, he was absolutely stunning. "It this okay?"

"Yeah" managed Harry to answer, pushing his bum further at Louis

The finger slowly moved up and down as response and before Harry could stop himself escaped a load moan from his throat. Louis widened his eyes at the sound and moves faster. "Can I add another one?"

Harry nodded, not being capable of talking anymore. He tried the ignore the pain which he wasn't used of, but that wasn't that hard when he was filled with so much pleasure. Harry didn't know why they had waited so long with this, he would've wanted explored this before. He would want to do it every day, every hour, every minute.

"You're so pretty like this," whispered Louis, breath hot and wet against Harry's ear.

"You think you're ready?" Louis soft voice brought him back go reality for a moment. And as he thought about what was coming now, a new feeling overwhelmed him, he nodded eagerly. "Alright, how do you want it?"

Harry turned around on his back again. "Like this."

Louis smiled and lubed himself up before he positioned himself in front Harry's prepared entrance. He looked up once more and searched Harry's eyes for any hesitation, before pushing in. And god, Harry was so fucking tight. Louis squeezed his eyes shut and tried to savor this moment.

"Lou, you can move," Harry whispered, already looking wrecked, he pushed his hips up, looking for more sensation. And with that, Louis pulled a bit out and slammed back in again repeatedly. At first it burned a little but that irritation disappeared within a second as the sensation took him over again. It felt like nothing had felt before, with their naked bodies connected like this, they were more vunerable and open than ever before.

Their loud moans filled the room and over and over again was Harry pleased, his ecstasy was shown in his eyes as Louis found his right aim. The scene of their sweating bodies rushing against each other became Harry too much, it was indescribable how many new feeking he experienced at this moment. "I love you" moaned Harry when he knew he was about to come.

It rolled over him like a wave. It wasn't fast, didn't hit him. Instead, his orgasm slowly unfurled through his body, reaching every cell. His eyes flatter while he's taken over by the sensation. "Lou" breathed Harry in Louis' mouth, hips stuttering. He came with a long moan, breaking their kiss to tilt his head back, his body tensing up completely. His vision became blurry, his fingers numb and a white noise drowned out every other sound. His warm come spurted between them, dripping onto Louis' stomach, Louis came at the sight of that.

Exhaustion washed over Harry, making his knees shake. When he came down again, he felt Louis gently stroking his hair and mouthing over his neck. "Slow, baby," Louis murmured.

Harry curled his arm around Louis' waist and sighed in relief, nuzzling into Louis and holding him close. "We should do this again sometime" suggested Harry with a smile.

"Alright, I'll be bottom this time" agreed Louis eagerly.

"Wait, really?"

Louis laughed. "Tomorrow suits also for me. And the day after that too, also the day after that and- Actually I am the whole week available if you want to know."

"Mmm, moving in here was the best choice we've ever made." They smiled at each other like there existed nothing but them, and maybe, that was true on that moment.

"Should we take a shower?" asked Louis suddenly.

"Uh, yeah, we definitely need one" said Harry, looking at all the sticky cum that covers their bodies. He blushed, knowing that it was his, but he loved how it reminded him of what just happened.

"I know, c'mon, let's go" Louis pulled Harry out the bed.

"Oh, are we going together?" asked Harry with red cheeks, again.

"Harry, after what we just did, you're not going to tell me you're shy to take a shower, are you?"

Harry took the time to stare at Louis' naked body he watched how the goosebumps appeared on his skin due the cold and how the bruises that he had caused started to color. When Louis caught Harry staring at him he blushed too. "Just," he took Harry's hand and their fingers intertwined. "C'mon." Louis guided Harry to the bathroom and started the shower. "Are you still shy?" asked he as he let the water fall down over him.

Harry just stood there and looked how Louis' beautiful body became covered with drops of water while the cum washed away. "Fuck you, Lou."

"With pleasure."

Harry shook his head and smiled. This boy was impossible. He jumped under the jets as well and pushed Louis against the tiles while he overwhelmed him with kisses all over his body. "Yeah?"

"Yeah." Round two started there.

*

It was really sad and wrong that they were asked to stop their love tweets between each other at some point. It had been their way from the beginning to show their love to the world without actually confirming it. It had become a part of them through the time, and lately it had been one of the few thing they could do and now would even that be gone.

Harry would later forget about the tweet thing, they had enough other things to worry about. But on a particular day, when he found randomly a newspaper on the table, he couldn't get the smile from his face for the whole day.

It had supposed to be a day without Louis for him, but he knew that Louis would always be with him, always in his heart.

Chapter Text

They didn't genuinely wanted to be at the X-Factor party, but it had been required. It was nice though to see all the contestants again and to catch up. There was music, there was booze and after all, they deserved a night of fun.

Certainly Harry had went for that part. He couldn't even remember how much of the sweet cocktails he had drunk. All he could think about was Louis, he wanted to snog him so bad. But he needed to contain himself, they were in public so he went away from him to fetch another drink.

"Hello there, Harry. Are you enjoying yourself a bit?"

Harry looked up from his drink and saw Caroline. She was smiling a lot and it was clear that she drunk a lot of the cocktails too. "Hello. Thank you, I'm having a good time. You?"

Caroline laughed. "You don't have to be always so polite. We're friends right?"

"Yeah, we're friends, I love you, Caroline!" Harry gave her a hug and smiled satisfied, until suddenly her lips touch his mouth. Kissing was all he wanted that night, but when he realized that he wasn't with Louis, he made distance as fast as possible.

"Shit, I'm so sorry Harry! Oh God, I'm so drunk. Please forget this, I'm so embarrassed."

Harry gently touched her arm to comfort her, he hated it to see people upset. "It's fine, really. Nothing happened. Speak to you later." He left her and went straight outside, he needed fresh air. The booze had become way to much and his head started to hurt. Shit. He had to find Louis.

"Hazza! What are you doing here? The party is inside you know. Unless you want to start your own here..."

Well, at least he didn't had to search him. "Uh, well, you know- I drunk way too much and-" tried Harry to explain but he failed.

"Hey, me too!" Louis hiccuped and put a hand to his mouth as he giggled. Great. Harry got only more stress of Louis being so hyperactive, seriously, without alcohol this boy was already hard enough to handle.

"I kissed Caroline."

He thought that just saying it was the only option, but he realized after that he should have given more context before spilling something like this. Louis stayed silent and stopped with moving at all, which was really scary.

"It was the alcohol, I didn't know what was happening, you know. Suddenly her lips where on mine, 'cause she was really drunk too and I pushed her away and I'm sorry. I'm so sorry." It was a real accomplishment that he could put it into words. But it didn't seem to help much because Louis was still all silent.

"Can we just forget about this? Please? Just forgive me and then we go home, I need our sheets, they're so soft. I love our sheets. Lou, please?" begged Harry, but it sounded just stupid because of the alcohol in his voice.

He tried to take Louis' hand but the boy avoided his contact. "Fuck, Harry" Louis closed his eyes for a moment as he rested his forehead against his hands. It took some minutes before he opened his eyes again to look at Harry, disappointed. "I am going home, you can find another place to stay" declared he and he walked away. Well, it looked like Louis had become all sober again.

"Lou, please, I didn't mean to hurt you. I'm so sorry. Please don't ignore me like this!" yelled Harry after him. His feet were stuck on the ground when he tried to run after him, his body suddenly felt as too much weigth to carry. It didn't matter anyway, Louis was already gone.

"Not again" begged Harry to the darkness of the night, but no one was paying attention to him. Tears started to form in his eyes because Louis was going to leave him alone again. And this time wasn't the same as the other's. It always had been because of something else that somebody else did to him, it had never been Harry's fault. Now it was.

Harry grabbed a fence to keep himself steady and suddenly he felt the vomit coming up in his throat. He let it all come out, just as the tears that fell down on his cheeks.

*

"You alright?" asked Zayn as their arrived at his place, he had offered Harry to stay over the night as he found out that he was alone.

The only thing that Harry could do was to sink in a hopeless miserable mess. "No."

"What happened last night?" asked he concerned and he gave Harry a glass of water.

Harry placed himself tiredly on a seat and sighed. "I fucked up. Louis isn't going to forgive me, is he?" His eyes started to water again as he thought about what could be the possible consequences for what he had done.

"Harry, what did you do?"

"Caroline and I, we kissed. A drunk kiss, yeah, but we kissed."

"Why-"

"I don't know, Z. I'm just so stupid. I didn't even knew it was happening until it was happening. I tried to explain it to him, but he didn't want anything to do with me."

"He's just upset. You should try to talk tomorrow with him. Haz," Zayn touched worried Harry's arm. "Don't worry, I'm sure he will forgive you."

"You believe so? I'm scared he'll break up with me" confessed Harry, expressing his deepest fear.

"It'll be such a waste if you guys break up for a drunk mistake. You guys have been through enough bullshit to give up because of this. Just make sure you'll say enough that you're sorry."

Harry nodded and got up from his chair. "Thanks, mate, really." Zayn made him feel already a lot better, he started to believe that they would survive this. "I'm going to sleep, I'll need it."

"Yeah, me too" yawned Zayn. "Goodnight."

Harry found his way to the guest room and tried to catch some sleep, but he couldn't. He couldn't stop thinking about how Louis was probably all alone at their home and how that was his fault.

*

Harry stood in distress in front of the door and didn't know what to do. Maybe he should knock to warn Louis he was coming in, but it was his home too after all so he could just walk in too. He couldn't figure out which one is the less weirdest. He soon found out that he made the wrong choice. Louis came just out of the bathroom after he heard the door closing. "What makes you think you're welcome here?"

Harry didn't know what to say and tried to prepare himself for this conversation. His head still wasn't totally back in the right condition.

"What makes you think you can just kiss other people and I'll be okay with it?" scoffed Louis as Harry stayed silent.

Harry's faces expression dropped. He didn't saw that one coming.

"Seriously, Harry, what were you thinking?" asked Louis again when Harry still not said anything.

"I don't-" his voice sounded like shit and he cleared his throat. "I wasn't thinking back then. I wish I was, then would nothing of this shit have happened at all. I don't expect you to forgive me, Lou. I just want you to know that I never intended to hurt you and that I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry."

As Harry looked down at the tiles on their floor, a tear dropped and made its own magnifying glass of water. Soon he was joined by another one, Harry's cheeks felt wet and sticky. Eventually Louis sighed and broke the silence.

"Fuck, Haz, I know you're sorry. This was just so stupid. It just keeps playing on and on in my mind that there's a day that you'll left for someone else because I'm not good enough and I just can't stop thinking about it, it makes me so scared that I'll-"

Harry crossed the fragile bridge between them two and opened his arms for Louis to fall in, safe. "You are the only one for me, Lou. I can't even imagine a life without you. It will be always you."

Louis sniffed and wiped his own tears of his cheeks. "Just, please, Haz, don't ever do something like that again."

Harry cupped Louis' face in his hands and stared in his blue watery eyes. "I won't. I promise. I love you, always you."

*

Harry angled his head up from Louis' lap to look at him with narrowed eyes. "I can hear you thinking," he said, almost accusatory. "It's distracting."

After the drunk kiss that occurred, the media exploded of news from it. It was everywhere. Harry and Louis hated to be remind of it every time. And the worst part didn't even happened then.

"Oh, well, excuse me" Louis mocked. "I'll try to think more quietly from now on."

"What are you thinking about?" Harry asked as he stared up at Louis curiously.

Louis sighed. "I just don't want you to do this, Hazz."

"I know, and I hate it too, Lou. But you were strong enough to do it first with Hannah and then with Eleanor so I am too. If I only need to encourage the rumors, I'll just do it. If that's what makes them happy and stops them from bothering us."

Harry and Louis were laying in bed together, it was almost eleven a.m., but Harry didn't want to start the day. Just laying here with Louis playing with his hair was all he wanted to do.

"I just don't get why she agreed with this" continued Harry, his confusion noticeable. The rumors about them together wouldn't do any good to her. Harry liked Caroline actually and he didn't want her to recieve hate on the internet.

"Maybe for publicity, I don't know, I will never understand the media and some people come with that industry. I just hoped we could stayed out of this stuff, but if it means that you and can be together, I guess it's worth it."

Harry closed his eyes and pulled Louis closer to his chest. "You're right. We're worth it."

*

It felt like one of their first interviews again, regarding how nervous Harry was. The color paled off his face as he heard the interviewer talking about the rumor. "Well, I heard that you all went out partying and that Harry ended up kissing Caroline Flack. Is this true?

"Uhn, no," he only said for an answer, the 'no' drowned out . It was like all of the potential answers he had practiced on just disappeared from his mind. He knew that he had to confirm it, but with Louis back behind he couldn't.

"Yes, yes," spoke Louis in the background, doing the job for him. Harry wanted to punch him; he hated it to be the weak one.

"No, it's not. It was a bit... It was a bit misconstrued... It.. It was.. It wasn't really like.." he stuttered, knowing that he should say at least something.

“One might ask,” Louis said suddenly, “how a kiss might be misconstrued?” Harry flicked a glance back at him, wondering why he wasn’t just letting it go, and there was a tightness around his blue eyes that hadn't been there before. And Harry realized that this was Louis’ version of what Harry went through when he saw those pap pictures of Louis and Eleanor: it was a stinging denial of what was right in front of his face, and although Harry and Louis both knew that all of the evidence was contrived that didn’t always stop the hurt from welling up.

Niall laughed in the tension. "She may ask that too."

Harry turned and dimples at the reporter, begging for the end of this inside his head. “It wasn’t like that, no.”

"Okay, so you didn't end up getting uhmm.." insinuated the interviewer.

"Uhm, it was just a greeting," declared Louis now, finally.

"It was just a hello kiss," confirmed Zayn.

"Yeah, okay. Yeah," Harry went with what they say, grateful for them helping him out.

"And a goodbye one," added Louis.

"No. No, it wasn't like that," laughed Harry uncomfortably and he was glad that the interviewer moved on.

"So, uhm, do you at least have a crush on her?"

"Yeah, I think she's really lovely... She's, yeah, a very nice lady... Uhm.. I think she's really hot."

Niall snickered again. "Straight up."

"Louis too," said Harry silently to the boy behind him.

*

"I'm glad we're done with that" said Harry relieved when they arrived back home after the interview.

"Me too. Thanks for calling me hot, by the way."

Harry smiled at Louis. "You are hot."

Louis gave him a kiss and wrapped his arms around Harry's waist. Suddenly he thought about something and took his phone out of his pocket to show Harry his tweet. "Look. I bought the special edition" whispered he as an explanation.

@Louis_Tomlinson Hello everyone, just bought my copy if the album with my love's face on..... bit.ly\oLkfxG #welivetogetherdealwithit

As Harry's eyes had scanned the words he started laughing. "Wait. I want to write one too."

Louis got curious and leaned over to watch along with Harry at his tweet page, but he was pushed away soon after. "Fine. I'll wait" said he with a pout at the curly mess. In his impatience he observed how Harry's eyebrows were furrowed and smiles as he saw his tongue peeking out of his lips because he was concentrated. Louis' intense stare was interrupted as Harry looked up again, a big smile plastered on his face.

@Harry_Styles Look at this sexy mother trucker bit.ly/nnlk8a ..... I want him on my shelf.

"Harry."

"What? I think you're hot" declared Harry amused and now was he the one who remarked Louis' face.

"Omg," commented Louis dramatically, still not believing what Harry had done.

"So what do you say about spending the rest of the day in bed?" suggested Harry with a smirk, knowing that that would only trigger Louis more, but to the surprise of them both, Louis gave in.

"I think that's a great idea."

And that's what they did. While Harry prepared some nachos with chili and guacamole, took Louis care of the drinks and the strategic positioning of the cushions in their bed. They could've go through with the sexual tension that hung between them, but right now, they were seeking for something else.

It was a different kind of happiness having Harry draped across his lap while they watched some romance flick on Netflix that Louis had had no hand in picking out, making Louis feel lighter than a feather with only Harry's weight keeping him pinned down on the mattress. They needed this more than anything.

"You know, I really loved that you putted it out like that," said Harry, humming while Louis was stroking his curls during the movie.

"What? The 'We live together deal with it' hashtag?"

"Yeah, it should be our slogan our something. Maybe I'll even get it inked on my body one day."

Louis chuckled. "Funny, but no you won't."

"What do you mean? Maybe I will" replied Harry stubborn.

Louis hand stopped moving and his eyebrows furrowed, none of them paid attention to the talking actors on the screen anymore. "A tattoo? You sincerely would want that?"

"I might."

"But that's stupid." Louis regretted his opinion the second as he saw Harry's offended face. "I mean, you'll get inked something on your body for life, but you don't have the same ideas about something that long so you'll regret putting your stupi- your ideals on your body which aren't yours anymore after some years."

"You don't think that one thing will last forever?" Harry hit pause on the movie without a second's hesitation, clearly expecting an answer.

Louis felt as if he had been framed. Harry could have asked anything in response, but he chose this. Suddenly the conversation was about them and the worst part was that Louis couldn't answer, how can anyone possibly know if something would last forever? But he knew he would lose if he answered that, he was trapped.

"Do you?" Louis asked then in attempt to ignore the question.

"I do" replied Harry genuinely. "Or at least, I hope that some things will."

"I hope that too."

"But you don't believe it" stated Harry and Louis wished that he could disagree, that he could said that he knew that he and Harry would be together till the end, but he knew that they wouldn't, not with how things were going right now.

Harry pursed his lips, looking like he might argue, but in the end, he said nothing and turned back around, snuggling into Louis's chest again before hitting play on the movie. Louis's eyes burned, and he hoped that when the movie finally ended, it would be a sad one, so that Harry wouldn't know that Louis had cried because of him.

*

"I'm going to Caroline today" announced Harry as they were eating at their dining table.

Louis looked up with an alarmed look on his face. "What, why?"

"She has got a lot of shit on her lately because of the rumors and I feel really bad for her you know... This is my fault." It wasn't exactly; after the rumors about the kiss were revealed, management wanted to take advantage of the occasion. They encouraged Harry and Caroline to stay mysterious about their relationship which would result in people assuming they were together. It would be just another distraction, but this time weren't Harry and Louis the only ones who suffered under it.

"This isn't your fault, Haz."

“Except it is!” Harry exclaimed. “If I’d stopped her then this all wouldn’t have happened. They’ve just made advantage of the occasion to start the balls rolling about my image, and that’s all because I was so stupid to let down my guard in front of everyone.”

Louis sighed. “There always will be moments when we slip, Haz. We can build up our defense as high as we want, they will still poke through it,” he glared frustrated at some point before turning his gaze to Harry again. “Look, if it hadn’t been Caroline, they eventually would have chosen someone else themselves. Don't blame yourself.”

"I just- I do. And we need to talk some things out anyway so yeah."

"Well, I don't feel comfortable with you going to her," snapped Louis, he didn't mean it to come out like that, but he couldn't say nothing either.

Harry frowned as he stood up to put his plate in the sink, he thought Louis had forgotten about it. "Why? Louis, I told you so many times it meant nothing. It was dumb and now It's just a mess. I hate this just as much as you. I hate that I've just given them the opportunity to build this womanizer image of me further, I know they'll still be talking about me and her next year like this is the only thing that matters. I hate what they're saying of her, she doesn't deserves this. I just need to fix this now, please understand this."

He leaned against the counter and tried to look Louis in eyes, he saw that Louis wasn't convinced and continued: "Look, Lou, I don't know how many times I need to say it, but she's just a friend, nothing more. And I see her barely! That's not something I can say about you and Eleanor. And then I'm not even talking about you calling her your girlfriend."

Louis' eyes went wide like he couldn't believe what Harry just said. He couldn't really though; he hated everything about the stunt, the media, the interviews, the fake smiles, the fake kisses,... Most of all, he hated hurting Harry. The only thing that encouraged him to bare it was the thought that he did it for Harry, for them to be together.

"Bloody hell, Harry! You know I've nothing to say about that. That's not fair. Don't you realize how much rather I would spend these moments with you?" Louis signed and tries to control himself. He knew that he shouldn't yell at Harry like that, he just wanted him to understand. "I just don't get why you suddenly need to go to Caroline, you know you will just confirm the rumors, right? It's more than normal that I rather want you to stay home if you think about what happened."

Harry scrunched his nose like he smelt something bad. "What do you want me to do? Staying here all day and thinking about you being with her will not make my mood any better." He took a deep breath. "I just- I hope you can trust me back someday, Lou. See you later." Before Louis could say anything to stop him, he pushed himself from the counter walked at the door.

Harry felt bad, but he couldn't deny that he was mad. Not just at Louis, after all this wasn't only his fault. Most of it was management's fault: they were the one who made their relationship so complicated.

*

Louis felt anticipated. Of course Harry was right, it only had been one thing that hadn't meant a thing, but still, it was hard to act like it meant nothing. The thing was that trust was all they had in their relationship. They had no control about their surroundings or even about complications from the inside. Trusting each other was all that kept them together. And even with Harry convincing him that is had changed a thing, Louis felt like it had caused yet another small crack.

After his stunt with Eleanor, Louis went home, disappointed that Harry wasn't back yet. The day had been a total disaster. On set the producers hadn't been happy with the shots that had been taken. Louis hadn't had the energy to fake a smile, and even Eleanor seemed like she hadn't slept in days. Maybe he shouldn't have been surprised as she called him up as he had left so abruptly without saying anything to her. And although she tried to cover it up, Louis heard that she had been crying. "Can I come by to talk?" she asked.

"Er, I don't know, El," Louis answered unsure.

"Lou, you can't keep ignoring me like this. All these times I tried to talk to you... You owe me this. Don't let me beg you."

She was right. He couldn't deny her this thing. "Alright."

As Louis opened the door he could see that she had done her best to cover the red surrounding her eyes with foundation. She even smiled a little. "Hi," she said.

"What's wrong?" asked Louis, straight to the point. She may be going through something difficult, but his stress-level had failed to lower from his encounter with Harry.

Eleanor walked in herself since he didn't ask her to. "Look, I know you've probably your own shit to deal with right now, and that I'm the least person you want to talk to. But I need to talk with someone, Louis, someone who can understand me, and unfortunately for you are you the only person I can talk to about this."

Louis closed the door and gestured to the couch, waiting for her to go on.

"I know you don't picture it like I do, but I've really tried to tell you from the beginning that I didn't know what I was getting into. I didn't know it would get so emotional. And you have to understand that I never intended to hurt anyone," Eleanor took a deep breath before she continued. "At first, I may have played like I knew what I was doing, but I only was at the beginning of my life, not knowing what would follow, how far it would go. I was struggling with it and I expected for you to see my insecurities through my facade of lies, but you never cared. You were playing with me to. You acted like I was one of them: treating me nice in the hope that I wouldn't bother you to much," tears started to form in her eyes again. "I should've realized that sooner. But I only kept thinking about how sweet you were, touching me like we were a couple. Even kissing me on some points. And I knew it was all for the cameras, but somewhere I hoped that you actually liked me. Even if it was just a bit."

Louis didn't knew what to say.

"But now I've realized that even you hate me. Just like everybody else," she wiped her eyes dry. "You know, ever since I was a kid I wanted to be a model, and I knew it wouldn't be easy. Everyone told me I had to study something "real" if I wanted to make money. No one had confidence in me, except the contacts I had collected over the years. And when one approached me about becoming the girlfriend of a pop star, my interest was drawn. It would involve me accompanying him in public where pictures would be taken. 'Just like walking on and catwalk and the way to become famous' they said. I shouldn't have been so stupid," she shook her head. "But I could I have known? They told me it was a fling between you two, nothing that would last, and that you needed a cover-up. I'd heard of others who had done the same job for celebrities who weren't ready to come out, and it just sounded like something that happened on regular basis in the industry. Of course I saw that it was something big, but naive as I was I only saw the upside of it. And I think that's what I've always tried to do, - seeing the upside of it,- otherwise I wouldn't have been able to keep it up until now. Because so often I still feel like I failed in the one thing I had to do."

'But now you know', was all that Louis thought. "I'm sorry for what you've been pulled into," he said instead. "I really am. And you're right, I shouldn't have acted like you were one of them, you're not. Maybe I should've told you, but I wasn't sure if I could trust you back then. Just let one thing to be clear: I don't hate you. I never did. And I'm sorry for all the hate you receive; you don't deserve that."

Eleanor sobbed. "Come here," Louis said and he pulled her in a hug. She cried in his shirt. "It's alright," he comforted.

*

Since they both weren't really doing great under this mess, had Harry and Caroline come to the conclusion that it would the best if they would put a stop to it. Management couldn't do anything about it if Caroline wanted out, it's not like she had signed some contract to be involved with this.

Harry felt kind of relieved as he left Caroline's. He realized that the fight with Louis earlier was just about nothing really so he wanted to make up to him. It was useless if they wasted the little time that they had together with fighting.

Harry opened the door, glad to see that Louis was already back from Eleanor. He had expected that he would sit some more couple hours alone so this was a welcome surprise.

His joy was ended the next minute though, as he noticed that Louis wasn't alone. He couldn't believe it, he should have felt guilty for wanting to help Caroline out while Louis was spending in their home with his so called girlfriend.

"Hi, Harry" greeted Louis him with a little smile, not standing still on his feet. It was noticeable that he was nervous about the situation. Somehow popped the thought in Harry's head that Louis had planned this as revenge for this morning, but Harry realized that he was thinking too far.

Eleanor said hello to him too, but Harry ignored her, not turning his glare away from Louis. "What the hell is she doing here?"

"Harry, calm down. There's no need to be upset. She just came over because she was having a hard time, and she needed someone to talk to," tried Louis to rescue the situation, preventing it from exploding.

"Well, why does she needs to talk to you? Couldn't you have said no?" questioned Harry.

"Seriously, Harry, why are you making such a deal about this?" Louis saw no point in fighting right now, he didn't even understand what Harry was making fuzz about. "It's not like she isn't been here before."

Eleanor looked at Louis like he had just said the dumbest thing ever and Harry agreed, but that would be like the only time ever with her.

"Why are you still here? Piss off," yelled Harry at Eleanor, pointing at the door and making her jump from shock.

"Harry!"

He turned his head back at Louis, who now seemed similarly angry too.

"There's no reason to be so fucking rude, this isn't her fault. She's my friend and don't you dare to speak like that to her. You left me this morning alone, Harry. I didn't left you."

Harry furrowed his eyebrows, maybe were his crazy theories not that crazy. "What are you implying?"

Louis sighed, already tired of the conversation. "Nothing. Please, just don't act like this, Harry. This is just how it's going to be. She is in our lives right now. I'm sorry, but you can't change anything about that."

"Well, I don't want her here. Lou, this is our home. Please ask her to leave."

Louis looked apologetic at her. "I can't-"

"I will just go, I'm sorry I started this." Eleanor took her jacket and walked to the door. Finally.

"No," Louis stopped her.

"What?" asked Harry disturbed, he thought they were over this.

"Harry, you need to say sorry to her. She didn't deserve how you yelled at her."

While Harry couldn't believe what he heard, stood Eleanor uncomfortable in the door-opening. "No, no, I get it. I'll just go. Bye, Louis," brought she out before she shutt the door as fast as possible. Even now she was gone, the tension hadn't been cut down. In contrary, it was worse, you could hear a needle drop if you didn't breathe too loud.

"Harry, you seriously need to stop acting like a child. I know this sucks, but I can't ignore her. She's my co-worker and my friend, I don't want you to act like this towards her again."

"Well, why don't you just run away with her? You care more about her than me anyway," Harry stroked frustrated a hand through his curls. "Why are you even fighting with me? I have every right to be upset about this. She shouldn't be here, this is our place. Like, what were you even thinking?"

"I have every right to be angry at you too," shot Louis back. "I told you this morning how I felt and you didn't even cared. You started to talk about trust and now you're acting like I'm the one who's cheating."

Harry narrowed his eyes. "Tell me you just didn't- Look, this isn't all worth it if you don't care about us. You can't save yourself with putting the blame on me. You know-" he takes a pause to laugh to himself, not from happiness, far from that. "I actually came back to you, with the thought that everything would be alright again. I would say sorry for leaving you behind like this morning. I would say that you're the only one for me and I would hope you said it back. But now, I don't want to say any of that."

Louis looked at him in hurt, but as Harry stared straight back, his eyes turn down at the ground. "I can't believe you're breaking up with me for something this stupid, Harry."

"No! No, that's not what I meant, you're just-"

Louis stopped him. "You were right, Harry. Maybe this just isn't all worth it."

Harry couldn't ignore the fact that his heart felt like someone had stabbed him a million times. "Lou, don't-"

Louis turned his watered eyes back at him, these blue ones who struck Harry every single time. He couldn't imagine these same eyes no longer looking fondly at him, like he was the one in the world for them. Like he was all they needed, because Louis was all that he needed.

But he knew that it was too late.

*

"Harry, how are you?"

The only thing he could produce was a pathetic snob. "I think we just broke up."

"What happened?" asked Gemma concerned on the other line of the phone.

"He said i wasn't worth it."

"What? Why would Louis say something like that?"

Harry took a deep breath. "Well, he didn't say exactly that, he said that we weren't worth it when I'd said that before already. But I never meant it like that. It's so fucked up and I'm so fucking tired of it all and I snapped at him that he might as well be with El, since he obviously doesn't care enough about us, I accused him for not caring about me anymore. And Gems, I know that's not true, I don't even know why I said that. But I said it anyway and I told him that since we can never just be us anymore, does he even care or does it even matter? Louis, he said that's bloody unfair and he was right, okay, but I just-" Harry' rambling died as he started crying again over the phone, he still hadn't fully progressed what just had happened.

"Oh, Harry. I wish I could do something to help you. I can come to London if you like?"

"No, no. You don't have to. It's almost Christmas anyway so yeah, I'll see you and mom and Robin then. I'll be fine, Gems."

He had calmed down at least a little, his breathing was back to what it should be. "Where's Lou now?"

"Well, after I said that maybe it's not worth it anymore since he doesn't care enough and he said that yeah, maybe it's bloody well not worth it, and then he went out and it's been hours. He still hasn't come back. And I don't think he's coming back." Harry achieved it this time to stay strong, he knew that if he had another breakdown, Gemma would come to London right away.

"He'll come back or you look for him. It'll be fine" comforted Gemma him.

"Look, there's so much play-pretend in your lives that it's not strange things turns out this way. Of course you get jealous, because you hear things about each other every day that's not true. Hearing about him and Eleanor, of course it hurts- but you know that it's not true, Harry. As for all those rumours about you, of course it'd be just as difficult for him. At some point of course it'll be difficult to separate truths and lies and what's real and what's not. But if you'd try to talk about it together in a calm, honest way, I think you'd make a fairly chance to stand it through." Gemma took a deep breath after her long monologue as Harry absorbed her words.

"You're right, I was just so frustrated, Gemma. I get so jealous sometimes that I just want to shout it out to the world that's he's mine."

Gemma smiled at that confession and furrowed her eyebrows. "That's slightly possessive, Harry."

Harry giggled actually at that. "I know, I know. Thanks for the call, Gems."

"Anytime, H. See you at Christmas then"

"See you. Tell mom I'll call her later."

"I will, bye Harry."

*

"Harry" the Irish blond boy opened the door. "Glad you're here, mate."

Harry smiled at him and walked in. "Where is he?"

"Guestroom."

Harry nodded and wanted to run to Louis right away, but he got scared. Niall noticed his doubts. "Please go in there, Harry. I can see that you had just an awful time after the fight as Louis. He cried a lot you know, you two just need to be with each other, so please, go in there."

"Thanks, Niall." Harry didn't know for what he thanked Niall exactly. Maybe it was because Niall had always been there for them, in the good times and the bad, and the best thing was that he never took sides. Zayn and Liam neither, but they also didn't want to be involved to much in their fights. Maybe Harry thanked Niall for taking care of Louis as he needed it and for calling Harry to let him know he was save. Or maybe, he just thanked him for giving Harry the courage to knock at the door. That and all the other things.

"Niall, I'm fine, just leave me alone." Louis' fragile voice touched Harry's heart and took his breath away for a moment, it was clear that he was crying in there.

"It's me" whispered he through the door, hoping that Louis could hear him.

"Can I come in?" His request was responded by silence, but wasn't a denial so Harry went in. The room was dark even though it was the middle of the day. Harry discovered Louis on the bed as his eyes searched the room. He closed the door behind him, cutting the last source of light off, and went to sit next to him.

Harry kind of liked the fact that there was no light, he knew that couldn't stand it to see the pain in Louis' eyes at the moment. He found Louis' hand and took him between his. Louis didn't stop him, he just waited for Harry to speak.

"I miss you" confessed Harry. He wasn't sure what to expect, but he felt like he had nothing to lose. Also, the fact that Louis let him take in his hand encouraged him.

There follows an silence, filled with nothing but their breaths, and Harry understood that Louis wasn't ready to talk so he went on: "I know it's never easy with us. It never was. I'm just... I'm really tired. And stressed. And it's no excuse, it's just that... Sometimes it feels so difficult, all of it, and, yeah, you know that too. I didn't mean to lash out at you." He sighed. "I'm sorry."

"I love you" whispered Harry, feeling the need to add those three words.

Louis sniffed, he wiped of his tears and his nose. "Can you just hug me, please?"

"Of course." Harry took the boy in his arms and kissed his forehead. Louis' chest raised up and down against his and Harry felt complete again.

"I didn't mean anything that I said. I'm sorry" said Louis finally.

"Can I kiss you?"

Louis pulled his head back just slightly, far enough that their faces weren't touching, but close enough that Harry could feel the hot air from Louis' breathing brush over his lips. Suddenly circled cold fingertips around over his waist, which made breath hitch at the touch. As Louis moved to sit up on Harry's lap, tingled every place where there body's touched. Louis' fingers traced all the way from Harry's tights, all over his stomach and chest, to his jaw and then to his lips. Harry stayed silent as he breathed against Louis's thumb.

"I missed you too." Louis kissed him slow, like he wanted the moment to take forever. Their hips moved towards together, in the same rhythm, both desperately to get some friction while little moans escaped their mouths. In that room, there was no time. Harry doesn't know how long they kept touching, kissing and longing for each other. For his part, it could've go on forever.

Louis fell back against Harry, now without clothes and Harry loves the warmth of his body against his. Together they fell asleep, they didn't care that it was the middle of the day. Before they both drifted off, Louis whispered to Harry that he loved him too.

Chapter Text

"Oh, Lou. I didn't expect you home already" said Harry surprised as he entered their apartment. He'd recognized immediately the jacket that had laid on the floor in front of the coat rack, a sign that either Louis was so stupid to forget it - it was the beginning of Februari - or that he arrived home earlier than Harry, something that didn't occurred much lately.

"Hi," Louis stumbled in the hall as he heard Harry, closing the door behind him. "Yeah, I canceled the stunt with Eleanor, she wanted to go to her family anyway and I take every opportunity to avoid spending time with her, she's acting weird all lately..." Louis trailed off and recovered himself. He knew Eleanor was a sensitive subject and was probably the latest thing Harry wanted to talk about. "Whatever, what I was trying to say is that this night is ours, Haz. It's your birthday."

Harry smiled at him and remembered how Louis had woke him up this morning, it had been good. "You look beautiful," said he, eyeing Louis' neat outfit.

"What's the smell?" asked Harry suspicious. They both knew that Louis cooking alone wasn't the best idea, normally was Harry with him to guide him through the process. Harry knew for sure that Louis would be deeply disappointed as his attempt to cook dinner failed so he hoped that nothing was burning as Louis jumped up like he had forgotten something.

"Shit. Wait here, I'll be right back." Before Harry could answer, disappeared Louis through the door. Harry snickered to himself, he was glad they sorted it all out. Okay, not everything, some things just weren't in their power to change, how much they even wanted too. It was like a little circle actually, their fights, first they got insecure and took distance, but eventually they would always realize that that wouldn't solve anything. But still, it was impossible to prevent that and they knew that.

Suddenly Louis appeared in front of him and interrupted his thoughts. "You can come in." Louis held the door for him to enter like a real gentleman, which made Harry smile.

As he walked into the dining room, Harry's mouth fell open in surprise, everywhere he looked stood lightning candles that made the dinner room cozy. In the middle of the dining table stood a vase with a white rose, just one, and it was perfect. It reminded Harry of the time he asked Louis to marry him. It was one of these things that were most for the fun part, but that also were real for a part. Harry really hoped he could marry Louis someday. Louis had hung up little Christmas lights up against the walls and Harry's heart melted at the thought how much effort his boyfriend had put in this night for him. His mouth was dry and he didn't knew what to say, it wasn't enough, so the only thing he could do was pressing his lips on Louis'.

Louis took part in the kiss gladly and let his tongue slide over in Harry's mouth. His hands lowered from his waist to his bum and Harry moaned when he pinched it. Louis smirked and Harry traced his lips to his collarbone, he turned Louis immediately on with sucking on his sensitive skin. Before it could became more heated Louis stopped him, with antipathy of course, but if he would go any further, there was no way he could stop anymore. "Harry" breathed he. "We continue this later, I guarantee, but the food is getting cold."

Harry pulled Louis in for a last peck before letting go. "Alright, we have the whole night anyway."

Louis placed the chair to let Harry sit on it. "Thanks, you're a real gentleman tonight."

"Harry, I always am" snickered Louis.

On the dinner table saw Harry two plates filled with delicious food and his lips curled up. "You made our meal" whispered Harry happy as he noticed what Louis had cooked: chicken wrapped in Parma ham stuffed with mozzarella and a side of home made mash.

"Uh, yeah, it's actually the only one I can cook. Thanks again for teaching me."

Harry took Louis' hand. "Lou, I should be thanking you, I can't say how happy you made me with this. I love it, I love you."

Louis blushed due to Harry's words. "It's no biggie, I just, since I can't take you on a date and you really deserve one, I just wanted to give you something today that-"

"Lou, it means a lot to me, you're the best boyfriend in the world."

"I love you" said Louis back. "But you haven't tasted it yet, I bet it's horrible, you're the real cook here."

"I'm sure it's lovely" answered Harry and he took a bite of the chicken, the moment the meat touches his tongue he lets a moan escape his mouth.

Louis acted like was disturbed, just to tease Harry. And also because Harry's moans wouldn't do any good for his dress pants. "Harry, please keep that for the bedroom, will ya? I'm trying to eat here."

"Sorry, Lou, I can't help it" smirked Harry, knowing that Louis loved his moans.

"It's fine, just have a little respect, alright?"

"Can't promise anything" answered Harry while he took another bite, making sure he slided his tongue slow over his lips and the food.

"Keep that thought" said Louis, who was intensely staring at his lips. "Do you want some wine?" He knew he needed to change the subject, otherwise he wouldn't be able to stop himself from jumping on Harry.

"Yeah, thanks" Harry held his glass up for Louis to fill it with a bordeaux substance and that was when Louis noticed something on Harry's left upper arm.

"Haz, are you alright? How are you hurt?" asked Louis concerned, thinking about all the possible possibilities of what could've happened, which didn't help for him to calm down.

Harry looked confused up at him, like he doesn't know what Louis was rambling about. But then he followed Louis gaze to his bandage. "Oh, that. Uh, I've had a tattoo today. I've always wanted one and now it's my eighteenth birthday so I decided to get one" smiled Harry proud.

"Oh" commented Louis dryly. He kind of felt left out from being part of something that important, it had been Harry's birthday today and they even hadn't had the chance to be together until now. Louis knew that a relationship wasn't meant to be like that, he wanted to share Harry's milestones, something like his first tattoo for example.

"Louis." Harry's voice took him back at his seat. "Look, I know you don't like them, but for me, it means something alright? So, please, don't start to brag about how dumb I am for getting inked for my life because, seriously, this felt like the only thing I was free to do in a long time."

"I- I wasn't going to say that, Haz" replied Louis reassuring, but Harry eyed him unimpressed in response. "I mean it, I wasn't!" laughed Louis, trying to prove his right. He was glad that Harry went with it.

"I'm just sad that I missed something important like that" added Louis, suddenly feeling the need to express himself, just in case if Harry still didn't believed him.

Harry's eyes softened. "We'll go together on the next time, alright?"

"You're thinking already about getting a second too?" joked Louis, acting like a brat just to mess with Harry, who new that Louis was playing with him.

"Yeah, I'm actually thinking about getting a sleeve arm" passed Harry back and Louis rolled his eyes.

"Can I see it?"

"Sure" Harry moved his bandage aside to show the lines of a five pointed star. "What do you think?" asked he as Louis still hadn't gave any comment.

"It's nice" answered Louis his gaze still attracted by the ink, smiling. "What does it mean?"

Harry putted the bandage back in place as he thought about his answer. "I think I just wanted to remember it in the simple way, how it started with just the five of us and how much my life has changed from that moment. I wanted to remember the good things" said Harry, leaving Louis in silence. "Also, I like stars a lot."

Louis shook his head at Harry in a fond way. "Actually, I think that I would like to get one too someday."

Harry's eyes brightened. "We could get those couple tattoos."

"No, Harold, I will not let you force me into getting my arm inked" said Louis sternly.

"But you suggested it yourself!" defended Harry himself.

Louis pouted his lips as he found no possible answer at that and eventually let it go. "Which one were you thinking off? I might consider it if it's tiny."

"I thought that maybe we could get the first words we said to each other when we met."

"The pee incident!" laughed Louis and he pointed knowingly with his fork at Harry.

"Yeah, oops."

"Hi" smiled Louis in return.

They ate the dinner, moving on to talk about the upcoming plans of their careers. “Do you think we’ll get to write any songs in the future?” Harry asked one time. “Like from scratch? I think we’d be good at it.”

“I'd bet got all kinds of songs in that journal of yours,” Louis teased softly, stroking his hand. “Waiting for the right moment to unleash them on the world.”

“I just want our songs to have a little more…” Harry trailed off.

“Substance,” Louis finished for him.

“Yeah. Like, I know we’re aiming for a certain market and that market likes cutesy pop, but they can like other things, too. Deeper things.”

“Maybe next album, babe,” Louis reassured him, pinching him as comfort.

They follow with lighter matters to talk about and the whole night they kept throwing little glances to each other, eyes twinkling. "Can you yet eat a little more slower please?" asked Louis sarcastically when he looked at Harry's plate, which was long from empty in spite of Louis's.

"Hey, I have respect for the food, just like you asked. This food is amazing and it needs time to be experienced in it's full way."

"Hmm" commented Louis uninterested. He got up and went to stand behind Harry. Louis had already another another way in mind to get his boyfriend's attention instead of him getting horny because of the dinner.

Harry felt his hands slide against his waist while Louis kissed his neck. He tried to continue to eat, but that was an impossible task if Louis would keep touching him like that. Especially when his hands grabbed between Harry's legs was his attention somewhere else. Harry couldn't keep his reaction hidden. "Lou", groaned he.

"Yes?" asked Louis innocent as he opened the buttons of Harry's pants and let his hands slip under the material.

"Respect the food" tried Harry to say between his breaths.

"I don't care about the food anymore, love." Louis took his hand away, which made Harry whine. Fast enough he was satisfied again when Louis climbed on his lap and pushed his crotch against Harry's while snogging.

This time found it were Harry's hands that found their way to Louis' bum and he lifted him up, holding him a firm grip. With Louis' legs curled around his waist and his lips on his, they walked their way to the bedroom.

*

The night shouldn't have gone that way. The plan had been to relax a bit after their concert in Wellington, which had been the their last of the Take Me Home tour, and if there was anyone who could use some time to relax, it were them. Sometimes they needed the opportunity to believe that they were just like anyone else of their age, with worry-less partying that didn't involved being spotted and filmed. They didn't want to think of the fact that they would be held responsible of acting like kids, because they were.

It was a strange thing really, some people treated them like adults, partly because they knew how much money they made or knew that they worked as hard as one. And then you had other people, the ones who provided their money and the ones who expected them to work so hard, they were the ones who treated them like kids as they did something wrong. Louis hated it. They'd say that they didn't understood the world as they did, they'd say that they better would listen to them, because otherwise they wouldn't achieve anything alone. Maybe they were right at one point, thought Louis, he knew he wouldn't achieve anything alone, enough people had told him that by now. But the thing was that he wasn't, he'd come all this way with five other blokes who hated being tossed around just as much as him.

So, yeah, it wasn't hard to believe that they needed a break. Louis stood up from their table to get a next round from the bar they'd found, there weren't too many people, the scene was a bit boring really. It had been good though, just having some banter with each other while swimming around in their.

Harry downed another shot and hiccuped, he put a hand to his mouth as he giggled. His mouth tasted like a mixture of all the drinks he'd had – the mojito had faded into the background now leaving a blur of different shots, a disgusting strawberry one that Louis had made him try, and then a tequila and after that something else and- yeah. Despite his relative sobriety, a couple mixed drinks had been enough for Harry to throw his reservations to the wind and drape himself all over Louis like they weren't watched every minute they were outside.

"I've got more shots," shouted Louis happily as he made it with a plate full of tiny glasses, some of the alcohol was already splashed over the edge during his walk throught their table. He revieved a welcome cheer from Niall, who gulped immediately one of the drinks.

"What's that?" Harry stumbled as he reached for his shotglass, and Louis steadied him with a hand around his waist.

"You'll like it, take my word to it" replied Louis and Harry boozed the drink without second thoughts. He put his head in the crook of Louis' neck. "It'sss" he darted his tongue out and licked a stripe just over Louis' collarbone and Louis threw his head back and laughed. "Gooood."

Louis wasn't about to complain, but he felt that the shadows would arrive along with the sunset of that morning, so he turned his back toward Harry and gazed out at the street instead, hoping Harry would take the hint. If anything, the lack of attention only made Harry more determined to get a reaction out of Louis. He jolted in surprise at the first sneaky swipe of Harry's tongue just under his ear, turning back around again just in time for Harry to peck him on the lips.

Luckily was no one else in the bar was paying much attention to them, too enraptured in whatever sporting event was playing on the overhead television displays. A cheer went up just as Louis ducked back in for another kiss, but Harry pulled away, wrenching himself away from Louis altogether.

"Haz" whispered Louis in his ear, now begging for Harry's attention instead. "I need you. I want you so bad."

They were both completely sloshed, Louis practically hanging on Harry to keep steady. He watched Harry with hazy eyes, wetting his bottom lip. "We gotta find the loo."

"Oh" commented Harry a smug smile drawn on his face. "Yeah." He reached out to grip at Louis' shirt, twisting his finger into the fabric, preventing himself from falling into floor that felt more like an undulating sea.

"I want to make you wet" purred Louis in his ear as Harry had found his tricky balance again.

"Oh my-" Harry spun around his head to search the restroom doors. "Oh" The floor started spun around him treacherously. "I don't think-" he reached out to grip at Louis' shirt, twisting his finger into the fabric. "I don't think I can walk there, Lou, everything's spinning-" Louis laughed as Harry pulled himself up to a standing position, their bodies slotting together and steadying each other despite both being so wobbly on their feet.

"I'm so pissed." Louis closed his eyes for a moment as he rested his forehead against Harry's. "You too. Are you drunk?"

Harry giggled. "I feel like the floor is moving. I am." Louis' arms wound around his neck again, leaning his whole weight against Harry, making them stumble against the table. "Oops" said Harry sheepishly, and he was getting warm all over as Louis looked up at him, his blue eyes dark, pupils dilated because of the alcohol and the darkness of the bar and maybe something else.

"More shots!" Louis suddenly spun around, laughing again. "We need more tequila!" and Harry hadn't even had the time to react before he had somehow made his way to the bar on surprisingly steady legs.

A minute later Louis was already forgotten what his first intention had been as he had left Harry. He narrowed his eyes as he searched through the room and spotted a curly lad, still standing by their table. "Boyfriend!" shouted Louis to get his attention and it worked as Harry turned at him. That's when Louis' licked his lips, and suddenly dived forward, his arms open and though Harry wanted nothing more than that very kiss, he steered him away, turned him around in his arms and squeezed tightly around him, for just a short short moment. He held on tightly, and for a quick second he pressed a soft kiss to Louis' neck.

"I still need you. Want to kiss you." Louis whined, a pout on his lips.

"Me too." Harry turned him around again, more slowly this time, Louis following pliantly in his arms. "But... there are people watching." He whispered.

"Someone's filming us," Liam hissed too, moving to the side in a poor attempt at shielding Louis from the view of the windows. Or blocking him, rather, from getting to Harry, who seemed halfway across the world now that he was no longer within touching distance of Louis. Still, Louis wasn't so pissed that Liam's words didn't register in his brain as a legitimate warning. He slowly turned his head toward the wall of glass to see a gaggle of teenage girls gathered on the opposite side of the road, phones out and pointed toward them.

"Shit," Louis muttered dully once his brain finally caught up to his eyes.

"We'll see tomorrow how bad it is, I doubt they have any footage really. Maybe you'd better go back to your hotelroom, yeah?" Liam suggested, turning away finally to laugh at something Niall had just said and leaving Louis alone with his thoughts for the rest of the night.

Harry hopped in the shower as soon as they returned to their hotel around two in the morning, leaving Louis sat on the edge of one of their beds with his phone in his hand, wondering how long it would be before all his problems would be worser than they were. Louis was already dreading the phone call he knew was coming, he was sure that there would be arranged another meeting if management heard about this. Treating him like a child because he couldn't handle a few drinks, because he'd let his guard down in front of all those people he didn't know.

When Harry stepped out, still all damp and pink despite being swaddled in one of the hotel's oversized bath towels, nothing had changed. But Louis's dark mood didn't seem to perturb Harry one bit as he skipped over to Louis and threw himself in their bed. Harry blinked up at him with a sleepy smile, his wet hair rapidly soaking into the sheets.

Louis responded with a unpersuasive smile and grabbed a towel to scrub the moisture of Harry's hair, just to have something to do. Once Louis was satisfied that it was dry enough, he carefully combed his fingers through the curls, gently picking apart the natural tangles in Harry's hair while the younger boy emitted soft murmurs of pleasure.

"I know you're worried," Harry said finally, causing Louis's fingers to pause in their ministrations. He cocked his head a bit to give Louis an encouraging smile. "It'll all work out, I promise."

"Yeah," answered Louis, hoping that Harry was right.

*

They all had been wrong, but they weren't really to blame, nobody could've expected the hurricane that would be whirling round their central clear eye soon, with his winds blowing counterclockwise and eventually aimed at them. There was nothing they could do, except from enduring how they were disparaged in the meeting that followed as they'd arrived back in London.

“Do you know where we’re going?” Harry had whispered to him once they had driven a little ways from the venue. Louis seemed far too calm, almost as though he had whisked away for secret meetings all the time and had become a pro at it.

“Not specifically, but I can give a pretty decent guess at what’ll be there,” Louis said darkly. “Lots of uncomfortable chairs and a table that is too long for the number of people sitting at it, all to give the illusion of power.”

“Lou,” Harry murmured desperately. “Tell me what’s going on.”

Louis takes a deep breath, avoiding Harry’s eyes, saving by the driver who stopped the car. He took Harry's hand before they stepped out. "Look, I'll take the word. Don't worry, we'll be out there sooner as you think." He smiled softly to comfort Harry, but it didn't work.

Just like Louis said were the chairs were really uncomfortable, and the table was far too long for the five or six people gathered for the meeting. Harry and Louis were ushered to the empty side of the table, and they settled into high-backed seats that already had Harry’s back aching. There were three men sitting across from them, calmly sipping from glasses of water and watching Harry and Louis like they’re visiting a mildly interesting exhibit at the zoo.

Louis had said something about the illusion of power, but there didn’t seem to be any illusion about it. These men reeked of unfiltered wealth and understood influence, the kind that didn't need to be flashed about to prove that it exists.

“Louis, Harry,” one of them said, a small, hard smile appearing on his otherwise emotionless face. “Good to see you again.”

“Right,” Louis answered, a touch sarcastically. “Just say what you need to say and we’ll go.”

“There’s no need to be antagonistic, Louis,” another man said. “This matter affects all of us.”

“I don’t even know what the ‘matter’ is,” Louis snarled, miming quotation marks in the air, “but I can guarantee that it only affects the two of us and has nothing to do with you.”

The men ignored Louis completely, all three turning to Harry like a choreographed routine. “I believe we’ve never been introduced,” the first man said. “I’m Richard Griffiths and this is Harry Magee, and we represent Modest Management. With us today is Simon Jones from HJPR.”

Harry nodded at them, still shaky from their abrupt dismissal of Louis and his open hostility. He was hit by the feeling that he had stepped into something deeper than what he could see on the surface, like he was just dropped into the middle of a war zone with no weapon and a disgruntled ally.

“Hello,” he said quietly. He felt himself shift closer to Louis unconsciously, then regretted it immediately when Magee’s eyes automatically narrowed on the disappearing space between their bodies.

“You know both too well what we're going to talk about,” Magee said, turning to Louis with thinly veiled contempt. “It may be too late to keep it from reaching the public, but we can at least prevent something similar from happening again." One of the assistants placed a laptop at the head of the table, the screen black. She leaned up and tapped the space bar before heading back to her seat.

It was too much: the white room filled arrogant people, the piles of documents that said how it was going to go, tasks they had to accomplish, Harry had the feeling that they'd never back off, that they'd never leave them alone. Again, they had to watch videos about them that circled around the internet, they had to feel sorry for their major error.

The thing was that Harry didn't, apart from the constant nerves in his gut, he had felt like a normal boy. A boy drunk from love, who enjoyed himself on a night out with his boyfriend. Apart from the chaos it had created, it had been a great night, for a moment they had felt detached from their obligations - careless even - just the feeling they had longed for. It lingered on their minds like a dream they were desperate to remember.

Maybe that was why he felt the urge to argue with Louis as he blatantly agreed with the measures that management set up to cover up the whole affair in the hope that everyone would forget about it. But most of all he felt hurt and betrayed. He knew that Louis was tired too, but Harry never had asked of him to fix this, he only wanted him to stand by with him.

Finally, when they were dismissed to escape from the white room, they went down to catch their Uber - Louis had denied another arranged car - to get to Princess Park as soon as possible. They were silent until the car arrived, Louis pacing the small space in front of the office building they'd been dragged to, Harry biting his nails and trying not to cry.

Louis gestured for Harry to get in the cab first, sliding quickly in next to him and muttering the address to the driver. “I’m so sorry,” Harry whispered, not even knowing if Louis can hear him. The cabbie wasn’t listening, too busy humming along to the radio to pay him any attention. “Lou, I’m so so sorry.” A sob escaped, scratching at his throat on the way out.

“Oh, sweetheart,” Louis said mournfully, a marked difference from the venom that had leaked into his tone back in the meeting. Harry glanced up to see Louis unbuckle his seatbelt and slide across the seat, his eyes unfathomably sad. He pulled Harry into a hug, fingers curling in Harry’s hair. “No, no, baby, don’t apologize.”

“But-” Harry hiccuped, tears flowing freely now, “it’s-it’s my f-fault, it’s be-because I-”

“Stop apologizing,” Louis begged quietly, muffled in Harry’s hair. “Please. I can’t stand to see you upset.”

Harry sniffled into Louis chest, tears leaving a wet patch on his shirt. “Lou,” he said, sitting up and wiping wetness off his cheeks, “how many meetings with them have you had before today?”

Louis avoided Harry’s eyes. “Oh, Haz, I don’t know. A few.”

“A few?” Harry laughed brokenly. “You practically have a routine down with them. You knew exactly where we’d go and what they’d say before we even got there.”

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Louis says quietly, picking at a loose thread on his trousers. "My first ones were with Simon, but as it grew worse he set his team on it. It's not that bad always. Once I realized they only panicked because it was their profit at stake, I stopped worrying so much about their threats. I mean, what can they do? They can plan as much as PR-stunt with Eleanor as they want, but they can't keep me away from you." He took his hand and they kept silent for the remaining drive.

As Harry stared out of the window how the rain fell out the sky - somehow it felt appropriate that it was raining on a day like this - and how the drops damped on the window of the car. There were other things he wanted to say, but he didn't know how.

As they had stepped out of the car he couldn't hold it anymore though. "Louis...." Harry paused walking, his grip on Louis's hand forcing the older boy to stop as well. “I don’t want this anymore,” Harry confessed quietly, his eyes downcast and watery.

“I know, sweet cheeks,” Louis said running his thumb along Harry’s cheekbone.

“No, you don't. I really don’t want to, Lou,” Harry said. "I don't even know how much longer I can keep hiding this." Louis could hear the panic rising in his voice. He could see his eyes filling with tears, and he could see his lip beginning to tremble. And, no, Louis couldn’t watch this anymore. It hurt.

Louis pretended not to notice the way he'd said 'I' instead of 'we' and moved in closer to press his free hand against Harry's warm cheek. "We'll just have to be better about it," Louis told him. "This was just a mistake, it'll pass. We just have to be more careful." But that wasn't the answer Harry wanted to hear, this was always how it went. It seemed like coming out to the world wasn't even an option anymore, there were only measures to hide their relationship better. He hated it.

"That's not what I meant" pressed Harry further. "I'm just sick of living like this. I want to be with you for real."

"You don't believe that what we have is real?" asked Louis as an answer. Harry wanted to rephrase what he meant, but Louis cut him off by replying himself. "Yeah, I suppose it's not."

With that he shattered Harry's last left hope and he knew it was pointless. Harry had gone utterly silent, but Louis could see him fighting back against the tears threatening to pour down his face.

"Shit, I'm sorry, Haz, that was a shitty thing of me to say. I didn't mean it." Louis wanted to hold Harry in his arms, to stroke his hair and to tell him it was going to be okay, but he knew Harry wouldn't let him, because they both knew it wasn't.

"Someday we will," he said in return. He tried to sound as determined as he could, he didn't want to be the person who collapsed the last left hope of Harry. "Someday we will be free."

*

Things were difficult, to say the least.

After the Wellington incident it all had went downstairs with them running around in circles, to say it short: the hurricane had arrived. If the people who lined their lives out for them had had a bit of sympathy in the beginning, it was all gone now. They'd messed up their chances to to be able to proper breathe. All of it really started to take their toll, it was too much. They were taking a break whenever it could, but it wasn't nearly enough.

Management talks made it only worse, it wasn't difficult to guess what the meeting would be about when Harry and Louis were requested to come. That was the worst, thought Louis, that they had pushed Harry in the dark hole too. He somehow had hoped that he could keep Harry out of this mess, but it had been in vain.

“Everything okay, Haz?” Louis had asked quietly after they had had a meeting with Modest about their presentation to the public in the media. Harry had frozen at the sight of Griffiths and Magee.

Harry shook his head. “Is this how it felt?” Harry whispered. “All that time you were being called to secret meetings, is this how you felt?”

“How do you feel?”

“Like I can’t do anything that they can’t see,” Harry murmured. “Like any wrong step I take could be the end of everything we’ve worked for.”

Louis was quiet for a moment. “Yeah,” he finally said. “Sounds familiar. But you know what helps?”

“What?”

“Knowing that they can’t really do anything to stop us. If I decided I wanted to kiss you in front of all the people at the next show, there’s no way they can stop that from happening.”

“Someday,” Harry said. “I want you to do that. Kiss me in front of everyone. When our future album sales don’t rely on us being potential boyfriends for all our fans.”

Louis smiled, although fear knitted together in his stomach by the thought. "Yeah. Someday."

They probably appeared more annoyed towards them lately since all their efforts to shut the rumors down never did the whole job. Because of this, Louis had to do more stunts with Eleanor were they also requested that he would act like he actually enjoyed hanging with her. While Louis had to do this, he knew that it wouldn't be enough for them - it never was- they were probably planning his life further out for him on paper.

There were even possibilities of arrangements that they would play out with Harry, like elaborating him as a womanizer to the public. He'd be the one with the juicy stories that would give the band more publicity and fame - according to management team. It didn't matter how much Louis disapproved, nobody listened to him anyway.

Harry hated the fact that they were about to sold him like this, like he was nothing more than an actor in their movie. It was erroneous how much that metaphor fitted on them, they were told what to do all the time, they had to stay in the role of who they were expected to be, and it wasn't possible for them to have an own story in the movie. Harry disguised of the thought that people were going to assume that he was actually like how he was going to be represented - as a first class boy band player. He hated it.

And he hated even more the fact that he didn't dared to talk to Louis - to talk to him for real. He wanted to tell him that the only thing that encouraged him to keep going and to endure everything that was thrown at him was Louis. The thought of being free, to be out, and to be with Louis for real. But he couldn't talk about it like that, he was scared that Louis would confirm that those imaginations were just imaginations, that it would stay like it was. That the future they'd dreamed about since they were pushed in a closet was miles away from them, and maybe that it wasn't even there.

Harry didn't know what was going on with them after their last fight or even all their past fights in general. Some weren't even fights, it was just that sometimes they felt that things weren't going exactly smoothly between them, and that neither Harry or Louis did anything about it. Still, even if they hadn't talked it all out, but they both knew that they needed each other. In this amount of time Harry had received Louis' love, he kind of had become independent of it, it was almost like a addiction for the both of them. They needed somebody to rely on, to make their dark rabbit hole a bit brighter, and sometimes felt Harry like that was all that he was - a comforting dream that Louis escaped to as the pressure became to much. He knew that that was a far-fetched thought, but there was nothing left but to think it all over, since he was so much left alone. Sometimes Harry felt like he was near tears due to his sleep deprivation, but mostly is was due to his aching heart.

He had tried to cross the bridge between them, to talk more - Gemma said that they needed to talk to get through this - but it seemed like Louis had build walls around him so high that Harry couldn't reach above them. He showed his love still with kisses and other things, although they never made it to the actual sex part. Their sex life was a bit dead to be honest, most of the time was one of them too tired or they just didn't feel like it. Harry didn't thought he would be capable on this moment to open himself up like that for someone who wouldn't do the same thing for him.

Maybe he was acting a bit dramatic, since he clearly was to blame to for how they situation was. It wasn't like Louis had himself totally closed off to Harry, but there was at least something changed. Harry felt it less, his love, it wasn't enough. Louis was slow and painfully drifting away from him, and if, then he wouldn't be able to bear to see that happen.

How much Harry tried to, he couldn't shake the thought off that this had something to do with Eleanor, Louis was always so quiet about what happened when he and Eleanor had to be together. Harry got that Louis didn't want to relive those planned pr-stunts, because they messed with his mind. But the whole charade messed with Harry's mind too, and he felt like he couldn't talk about it without getting Louis upset.

He didn't know what to do anymore, so he just decided to talk. Every relationship was based on communication after all. Harry approached him in silent as he was on his phone and gathered his courage before speaking. "Hi."

Louis didn't even turned his gaze away from his screen, but at least he smiled a little. "Hey."

"Lou, I was wondering- I wanted to ask it everything was okay lately. I mean, they seem to ask a lot of you," Harry fidgeted his fingers. "Is this about Eleanor?"

Louis snapped up, the dark circles underneath his eyes proof off the hard pressure he was under, and his smile vanished as he figured out that Harry wasn't just asking if he was okay. "No, everything is great. Why'd do you think that?"

"Well, I mean, you're not much home, however you know these are our last weeks here, but you don't even tell me where you go and when you're with her and-"

"Harry, I'm just working. There's a reason they're doing all this, with Eleanor and everything... why they're not doing the same with you. You're the fantasy they're trying to sell, Harry, and I'm getting in the way of that. Alright?" Louis kept his tone light, wanting to pierce the bubble of tension that hung around them. The dark circles underneath his eyes were proof off the hard pressure he was under.

"Yeah, so you're spending more time with her than with me" murmured Harry to the ground.

"Harry, how many times do I have to say that you don't need to worry about that. I don't want to be with her either and I don't love her."

Harry sighed. "Yeah, you've said that like a million times already, I get it."

Louis stared with worried eyes at his boyfriend, but Harry didn't want look at him, so Louis touched his hand to get his attention. Harry shivered due to Louis cold fingers - he had been smoking outside not so long ago -and suddenly was Louis crushed by Harry's green emeralds watching him. He let Louis go his way when he folded Harry's hand in his on his lap, slowly caressing it with his fingertips.

"Then why do you get so insecure every time? I mean, I get that, but I just don't want to pick up a fight every time I need to do a freaking pr-stunt, you know?"

Harry released his hand from Louis' and created a certain distance between him, as far as the couch accessed space.

"You just don't get it, you don't get it" muttered Harry. "You don't get it" repeated he louder now, like he wanted to make it clear to Louis by reciting a mantra.

"It kills me every time when you're with her and I know I should ignore it, because I only make things worse this way... I know that that's what they fucking want, to tear us apart, I fucking know that. But it are the times when you're with her when it's not asked from you that hurt me so much more you kno-"

"Harry, please, that was one time, I told you that it was for a good cause" tried Louis to explain. Harry's eyes closed and he filled his lungs with a shaky breath. His eyes were watering under his eyelids, and he refused to let Louis see him cry again.

"Look, it doesn't matter what you say, my head can't just get rid of the fact that I need to share you with someone. And I know you had your reasons to become friends with her, I know I'm not the one to say you can't, but it just, just is sometimes to much, Lou. I hate the fact that the world believes that you two are together, it makes me feel like I don't exist."

Louis lifted his arm and slung it around Harry's shoulders, pulling him closer until he could tuck Harry's head under his chin. He buried his nose in Harry's curls, taking a deep whiff and letting the familiar scent of Harry's shampoo help clear his mind. "You don't just exist, Haz, you are so much more. You mean everything to me."

Harry gave himself over to the tears and Louis held him in his arms. He let Harry cry out on his shoulder while he slowly stroked his back to let him relax. "It'll get easier," Louis told him, infusing the statement with enough confidence to ease Harry's fears. "We just have to wait it out a little longer. Once the band is more established, they'll ease up on us. Things will get better, I promise."

Finally Harry signed and looks Louis in the eye. His green emeralds sprung more out because of his tears. "I'm sorry, I'm just- It all gets too much sometimes for me when you have to be with her and I can't control myself because I'm too jealous, so yeah, it's just stupid, really."

"Don't-" Louis tugged at a loose curl that had fallen over Harry's forehead. "This is my fault too. I don't want you to feel left alone. I'm sorry." He gasped a little when Harry trailed his hand down and cold fingers found their way under his shirt.

"Hey, you've got a new tattoo?" asked Louis suddenly surprised as he noticed the new ink on Harry's arm, right under the five-pointed-star.

"Yeah," replied Harry. "I got it while we were in Los Angeles during the tour. Do you like it?"

Louis touched the written words on Harry's chilly skin: 'Won't stop 'til we surrender'. "I like it," said Louis, not leaving his hand from Harry's arm.

Harry took a deep breath and somehow made himself appear quite tiny in Louis' arms, hiding his face in the crook of Louis' neck. "Look, I know you can't change anything about it, because I know you would do it in a second if you could."

Louis smiled at Harry's words. "I would" confirmed he as he ran his fingers slow through Harry's curls.

"I just hate this, you know. I don't want to fight with you, but sometimes it's just too difficult to not to. I don't know, that makes no sense really" Harry shrugged and Louis chuckled.

"No, actually it does. Kinda."

Harry chuckled too and Louis was glad he let that sound happen. "Look, Haz" continued Louis: "I would do anything to take this pain away, you know that. And it gnaws on me that I can't, but I will try, okay? For you."

Harry smiled and curled his arms around Louis again. "Thanks, Lou. That is enough for me."

Chapter Text

Louis wanted to be with Harry, it's the only thing that he knew for sure in this fucked up world.

There had never been something in his live that he had known so fully, so matter-of-factly, so intensely. He wanted the be with Harry, although he couldn't ignore the fact that all the odds seemed to be against them. It was hard everyday to keep themselves strong for all the shit they needed to go through. It was hard every time when he needed to spend time with Eleanor when he would much rather be with Harry. And it was hard every meeting with the management where there told not to act like a couple. It was hard to pretend Harry wasn't his.

In his thoughts, Louis felt like he was already losing Harry. Their time in Princess Park was almost over and they had no other choice but to move out. Louis had tried everything to stay there, or at least that they could move in somewhere else with just with the two of them. But all his attempts were meant to fail. All he could try now was to spend as much as time as he could with his boyfriend, making more happy moments, just being together. But that was meant to fail too.

They were currently in Mexico, a place where Harry certainly was in his usual aerial bright demeanor, even though he was a bit tired as well. When Louis asked him about it, he couldn't put it into words, it was something about the vibe, something that wasn't material. (Except for the food of course, they all loved the food. The hotel assortment offered endless options of Mexican food where Harry and Louis would like try all of them, but they didn't want to end up on the loo with stomach problems, something that Niall already had achieved.)

To be more specific, they were on the roof terrace that their hotel room included, sitting on some beach chairs with some fruity cocktail in their hands.

"So," constanted Louis as the silence messed with his thoughts. "Only fiftheen more shows to go."

Harry shifted in his seat to eye Louis from an easier angle. "You know, it was amazing, but I think I'll be glad when it's over."

"Already bored of the famous artist live, Harold?"

"No," replied Harry, ignoring the fact that Louis had made a joke. It seemed like he really wanted to talk about this. "I just, there's so much changed and I think I just want to feel normal for a while again. It may sound dump or cliché - that I am whining about regular stuff, when I have the other end - but I just miss waking up and eating breakfast with my family, or just sitting in my room stroking my guitar, dreaming of people who actually will listen to my music and like it. I miss that."

Louis nodded understanding. "Me too. I mean, I am missing so much of my sisters' lives right now that I'm feeling guilthy about it. Usually I would help mom, but now I'm never home anymore. I feel like I abandoned them."

"I don't think they'll ever blame you, they're happy for you," said Harry honestly. He turned away from Louis and practically ended the conversation, there wasn't left much to say anyway.

As Louis glanced over to the curls, he was almost surprised that Harry was smiling. He'd thought that he rather had killed the mood, but Harry was gleaming as he admired the city around them. "Do you feel it too? It's more alive here, like people are actually living here, you know?"

There were things about Mexico that Louis loved too, in particular the night sky. Somehow were the stars much brighter and much more common here as they twinkled in the dark, he watched them. "Yeah, I suppose."

"Look" pointed Harry out. "It's in the middle of the night and even now there's some much color and light, there's so much people and laughter, it seems like everybody's happy here."

Louis looked at where Harry had pointed to: the colorful buildings, the rainbow christmas-like-lights that were hung up at rain pipes, the playing of an accordion audible from down the street, people dancing on the squares, ... "You're right," he said. "They do." He knew that Harry wished that they were dancing on the squares themselves, between the various lights and the soft music - that they were happy too - but they couldn't go down there, they were up all alone.

They watched the little wonders underneath and above them yearning for another couple minutes, while sipping silently from their cocktails, until Louis pointed out that they had a show tomorrow to perform. He removed his sight one last time away from the firing meteoroids in the space and guided Harry to their hotel room. "Lou," whispered Harry. "I don't want to sleep alone."

"Me neither," answered Louis quickly, way too fast before thinking it through. It was already too late, Harry's eyes lit up with hope, he took Louis' hand. Louis didn't know what to do, they weren't allowed to share a hotel room and they were watched closely these days. However, he never couldn't reject Harry from this one thing too, also he himself had missed it too. He slept way better with Harry's warm body curling against his. So, he let himself being pulled into Harry's room.

Harry kissed him soft as the door fell locked, it felt secretly, like they were two lovers who lived in beginning-mid-twentieth-century. Louis licked his tongue over Harry's and stopped when he tasted salt. "Haz," he caressed his wet cheeks in his hands. "What's wrong?"

He got no verbal response, Harry only shook his head and turned to Louis to kiss him again. Louis answered with his and slung his arms around Harry to hold him. "I'm sorry," told he him between the pecks, he knew Harry was crying because of him. It wasn't some narcissistic thought, definitely not, he just knew it by the way Harry didn't dare to look at him, how he cried in silence, unable to speak.

Harry ignored him and grabbed Louis' neck, holding it with one hand as he moved the other down over his stomach, trailing his mouth to leave spots at Louis' collarbones.

Louis gasped as Harry sensationally bit on his sore skin, caught in the moment. Until he was snapped out of his as Harry tried to unbuckle his belt. "Haz," he stopped him by taking his hands. "I don't need you to-"

This time Harry looked at Louis, though, and it broke his heart a little. Harry's eyes were red, his skin gleaming due to the tears, his veins noticeable from his endeavour to hold himself together. Although he looked fragile and broken, his grip was firm and determined. He freed himself from Louis and continued what he was doing.

"I want to do this," he said, with enough willpower to lift up his cracked voice. "I want you." He got rid of Louis shirt, next of his pants, and Louis let him go his way, he couldn't stop him even if he wanted to. "I can wait for you," stated Harry, and he was on his knees before him.

*

How much they tried to spend as much of their precious free time together, it didn't feel like Louis had Harry for his own. It didn't feel like he could crush him with his love so that Harry would stumble on his back, and then would Louis be the one who saved him from falling. He would be the one to hold him until Harry would get bored of him, and even then wouldn't Louis let him go. That was the only thing he really wanted. Unfortunately was loving Harry also the hardest thing to do.

The thing that held him back was that he found himself being scared for the pain. He knew that it was unavoidably that something would tear them apart again and he wanted to prevent them the dreadfully pain that came along with it. If they would open up to each other, they could lose everything and it would be so much harder if what they had it would end. Louis somewhere felt it would, someday, no matter how much he wished they wouldn't. He should have realized that eventually, there wouldn't be anything to hold on to anymore when they had lost everything because his heart was afraid to love.

"Lou, we need to talk" announced Harry when Louis arrived home, he barely had the time to take his jacket off. The way Harry approached him felt a bit weird, normally he would be greeted with a kiss from Harry's soft lips or with a call from the kitchen.

"Oh, yeah, sure. What's wrong?" asked concerned Louis as he hung his coat up, but the torn etiquette could not hold it so it fell on the ground - not that Louis bothered. He looked confused at Harry over his shoulder as he to his own surprise picked up the waterproof fabric to throw it over the couch.

When he was done he went to sit next to Harry, who fiddled with some lost string on a pillow, not really radiating any emotion. "Haz" tried Louis to catch his attention. I worked: the green emeralds look up at his blue. "You know you can talk about everything with me, right?" told Louis him while he brought his hand up to flatter Harry's cheek.

Harry knew that this was the time to ask so he tried to find his courage. It had been a hard week for him, all he could think about was that he missed Louis. But apparently that wasn't mutual since Louis didn't try to meet him in his issues. He seemed like he doesn't bother. After their last serious talk, which they have not a lot, Louis said he would put more effort in the talking stuff, so that Harry could open up about his struggles, but yeah, not much changed, things became only more difficult.

Last meeting was about getting Harry a new relationship for the media, since it been a while and they could use the attention for their upcoming album, management talk. Harry didn't agreed, last time went awful, it did definitely no good. Louis just sat there and he said nothing. It seemed like he ignored it all, like he didn't care. Even when they got at home, he said nothing about it, he acted like nothing happened. Harry figured that he didn't wanted to fight, so he ignored the talk to. They realized too late that they should have talked, instead of having this silence gap between them.

"I don't know, it feels to me like you act more closed and you won't talk about much more to me and you're less home than before and even when you're here it sometimes feels like you're not and I miss you and I don't know what to do" rumbled Harry.

Louis was quiet for a moment and Harry missed his gentle touch right when Louis' hand fell back in his lap. He just stared at it, avoiding Harry's gaze. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, of course not. I'm not mad at you, I just want you to talk to me. Please, Lou" begged Harry and wanted to take Louis' hand, but the boy leaned back from the touch and took distance. It felt like Louis fled away like a star in the universe and his light became only less brighter for Harry.This was going the wrong way, Harry wanted Louis closer to him again, he didn't want to push him away.

Louis kept silent, staring at the floor. His hands were shaking, his view blurred by the upcoming tears and he felt like his world was about to fall apart. And in a way, it was.

He didn't know what to say, the things he felt weren't meant to be put into words, he rather wanted to keep them for himself. Talking had been the thing that had made them to fall in love with each other at the X-Factor, those nights were far away, the late nights just talking about the most random stuff. It was a bit ironic that the thing that made them to fall in love with each other, also was the thing that they couldn't anymore.

This was the first time Harry dared to talk at him again, asking him what was wrong with him, what was wrong with them. Louis wanted to say it was nothing, he wanted to say that he would come around soon and that Harry didn't need to worry. But he knew he can't keep bottle his feelings up. It felt like all this time he had already made a choice, but never dared to admit it to himself.

Eventually Louis spoke up and Harry couldn't ever be prepared for what he was about to say.

"Look, Haz, I don't want to hurt you, definitely not, but don't you think we should take some distance for a while? I mean, as friends. I really love you, you know that, but it's just so hard now and I can't deal with it all right now. I know that I'm not making any sense, but think that maybe it will be better after a while." Louis looked up, but not for long since he couldn't face the pain in Harry's eyes, he cleared his throat. "I mean, I can't imagine being without you, but out relationship is so fragile lately, so I thought that we could be get better as friends and with the talking and stuff, I don't know..."

Harry had known that something had been off, but he certainly hadn't expect this. Especially not since the last promise they had made to each other. "W-what? You can't deal with what?"

Louis sighed. "With everything that's going on between us. We're not talking and I know that you want more than I can give you," Harry wanted to interrupt him, but Louis continued. "I know you'll say that what we have is enough, but Harry, you and I both know it isn't. You deserve more than this." Louis hadn't forgotten about the time Harry had arrived home with new drawings on his arm - a closet hanger, 'I can't change' and a birdcage that had no way out - he had kissed every single one of them. He had told Harry that there would be a way out of the closet they had been pushed into. And yet, that had been another lie.

Harry's brows furrowed and his facial expression showed that he was disappointed in Louis. "I don't get it. We were going to be fine. We are fine." Stated Harry, but Louis shook his head.

"Harry, we're not. I don't know, maybe we never will. I want to be with you, really, but I just need some time to think. Look, you know I love you right? And you're the best friend I've ever had. It's just that when I lose you, I wouldn't be able to handle that. I'm scared" tried Louis to explain. Which was hard, he never had thought it all out, and he knew he couldn't take it back now. He just had thrown all his insecurities open between them. He felt so small at the moment.

Harry pretended not to notice that Louis said 'when' and not 'if', maybe he was right. Certainly it had lately seemed that what they had wasn't going to last, Louis had told him before that he didn't believed in it. Harry wanted him to believe. "You won't lose me."

Louis' eyes crinkled in a sad smile. At times like this seemed Louis so much older than him. Like he could see thing that Harry couldn't. Like he knew things that Harry didn't.

Harry felt dizzy with grief as he realized that Louis had already given up on him. "You won't lose me" repeated Harry, almost desperate. But Louis only answered with shaking his head again, a storm was whirling in his blue eyes. Harry stood up, he didn't think he was capable of sitting next to Louis anymore. He wanted to cry, but he was mad too. It hadn't been easy for him either, but he had tried at least, he had tried to wait, he had tried to make it work, and know had Louis made that all for nothing. He had given him up.

"I don't get it, why now? Why are you running away again?"

Louis flinched at his words. "It's feels just like too much. I think I just need some time for myself, I can't-"

Harry scoffed, it seemed like he was done spilling tears. "Didn't know you were of the selfish kind."

Louis looked up at him like he couldn't believe him and Harry had to admit that he had been kind of rude, but Louis was sort of breaking up with him so he decided he had every right to be rude.

"Harry, please. You know as much as I we're not really talking lately and that's not how it works. I want it, but I can't." He didn't know how he could put it in other words, he hated to sound weak like that, but it was the truth. He couldn't. He couldn't give Harry all the things that he deserved.

"What do you mean, you can't? You haven't tried at least, Lou! It feels like I'm the only one who puts effort in this damn relationship. I just told you how hard it was for me with you not talking to me and now you just decide to run away?" Harry felt tears coming up, but he pushed them away, this boy wasn't worth his hurting. "Oh wait, nevermind, you stay with me as a 'friend', wow, I'm so relieved. Thank you, Louis, I feel not abandoned after all."

"You're just confirming that I can't talk with you" murmured Louis, but he knew that even if Harry was acting dramatic, he was right.

Harry chuckled of anger. "I'm sorry that things that you say hurt me, Louis. I will try to push my feelings away, just like you do."

Louis got frustrated too due to Harry's lack of simpathy and jumped out of the couch. He stood in front of him, trying to look straight Harry's eyes, he was tired of feeling small. "And you think I'm selfish? You don't even try to understand how I feel!"

"How can you expect me to? You just come here to tell me our relationship is over and that I have to wait until you want me back again?"

"You said you would, back in Mexico, you said you would wait." Louis knew that that had been in the summer, that there had changed things, but he hoped that Harry wouldn't take his words back.

"How long?" This time there was no longer any trail of sarcasm in Harry's voice, he was serious about this.

"I don't know" said Louis sad to the floor, but even how much he wanted it, the floor didn't give an answer either. "Please, just try to understand it. I won't give up on us, I just need some time."

This time he looked Harry desperately in the eye and Harry knew that he couldn't resist him. He couldn't resist the boy who he was so in love with, no matter how hard Louis hurt him.

"Alright. I'll wait for you."

*

That evening, after their break-up, Louis went away. He couldn't stay there. Not after what he did to Harry. Besides, it would be too hard to stop himself from jumping back at him. That was not what he needed right now. He needed time to think this all over. His mind felt overwhelmed and empty at the same time.

"Liam? Can I stay at your place for a while?" he sounded like shit when he stood in front of his friend's door, so Liam just opened the door for him further to come in.

"Of course, mate. What happened?" His face appeared concerned and it almost looked like he already knew this was about Harry. Because yeah, if it had been about anything else, Louis just would have went to Harry.

"You alright?" asked Liam as Louis didn't said anything while walking in.

Louis sighed and let himself fall in Liam's big couch. "It's my fault" said he and he could feel the tears coming again.

Liam just stared at him, waiting for him to continue.

"I cut him off. Fuck, I made everything so much worse than it already was. I should've never let this happen, but now it's too late."

He took his face defeated in his hands and Liam looked in pity at him.

"Lou?" His soft voice made him look up again. "Is this about what they said to you?" asked Liam worried and insistent at the same time.

It was funny actually as you thought about the fact that they hadn't liked each other that much from the start; in the beginning of their journey had Louis always thought that he would have the least closed friendship with Liam because they were so different from each other. He rather found Liam too perfectionist and too ambitious, but over time he started to admire these characters. At the same time became Liam more and more less annoyed with Louis' nonchalance appearance and impulsiveness and suddenly they ended up growing closer to each other on another level. Louis trusted Liam completely, and reversed it was the same story.

"You know that nothing they say is true, right? You're so much worth than you believe Louis and I'm sure Harry thinks of that the same way. You don't love Eleanor, so it doesn't matter that they say that it looks better to the public eye. It doesn't matter that they say that what you two have is wrong, because Lou, it isn't, to be honest it's the most beautiful thing I've ever seen. You love Harry, that's what matters."

Louis listened in silent to Liam's words, and he wanted to believe in them, he truly did, but he couldn't ignore his insecurities. So he just let his friend hug him, while he tried to cry them all out.

*

Harry was devastated after Louis had left him alone on the floor.

He tried to stumble back on his feet, maybe he should chase after Louis, yell at him for breaking his heart, for leaving him alone, again. But he hadn't the strength anymore.

Suddenly the sound of falling glass fills his ears. He had probably flipped it over accidentally. He grabbed it, not caring that he could get cut, and tears watered in his eyes as he saw the picture. It's a photograph of him and Louis, the two of them smiling happily at the camera. It had been the first they had taken in Princess Park, an now it was laying in it's bed of broken glass. Everything was falling apart.

When Harry called Gemma that rainy Tuesday she caught her breath in her throat when she heard the broken edge to his tone.

"I think we just broke up." Was the first thing he said, even foregoing a greeting. She heard the broken tone of his voice despite how hard he was trying to keep his emotions under control.

She had to stay silent for a moment. She'd been worried for them, they'd been fighting so much lately, but she'd thought they were safe. She knew how much her little brother absolutely thought Louis had hung the moon and all the stars and the sun itself for good measure. And it had seemed like Louis absolutely adored Harry back.

Gemma frowned. "What did he do?"

"He... He didn't- It doesn't matter anyway" Harry was breathing deeply over on the other end, taking deep gulping breaths again and again.

"Oh, okay then. What did you do?" asked Gemma, she tried to think rationally, tried to press down the urge to fly to America. She just wanted to go to her little brother right now and put her arms around him.

"We didn't do anything, not me and not him and- it's just... It's not like that. We just - we can't-"

Harry took a pause to find his breath again. "You know things weren't going great between us. I mean, everyone did, I think. He said it was too much for him, that he felt suffocated, and I know how he feels, Gems, 'cause I'm feeling like that too, but I would never give up on him. He's gone-" Harry sniffed and held his face with his free hand. "He's gone now and I don't know how it's going to go between us, I don't even know he will come back."

"Oh, Harry, I'm so sorry that you have to go through this, but I know it will be fine again, eventually. He'll come back" reassured Gemma him. Those two, she thought, they'll probably overcome anything, the question is how difficult it needs to get along the way. What they're doing right now is too unhealthy and it's been going on for too long already.

Harry kept silent for a moment before asking unsure: "You think?"

"Yeah" replied Gemma. "He'll come back. Of course he will."

"I wish you were here. I miss you so much. And mum."

"Do you want me to come?" She was already starting her Ipad, opening the browser to British Airways.

"No, don't. It's just good to talk to you right now. But thank you, anyway."

"Alright" replied Gemma, even though she wasn't completely sure of it.

"See you then?"

"Yeah, see you" replied Harry, feeling slightly better after the phone-call. Still, he couldn't help to wish he had stayed quiet. If they had left things unspoken, maybe they would've been solved in their dreams. Even if they had been loving each other with an empty heart, Harry still believed that it had been better than with a broken one.

*

Louis knew he had messed up. He was the one who ran away of their problems, he was the one who left Harry. But did he had another choice? He felt choked in his relationship with Harry, he needed time for himself, only it took to long apparently for Harry.

Louis threw his phone angry away, he didn't care if it would break or not. He just wanted to cry it all out and hide himself from the world. However, he felt like there was no place to go, because the moment he appeared on the streets he would be surrounded by people. There was no place for him in this world where he felt save anymore.

He missed Harry. A lot. The pain kept itching in his chest and he knew he couldn't take it anymore. He needed someone to lean on. But for him, this always had been Harry. Now he felt like he was all alone and it was all his own fault.

Louis knew he was the one who asked for the break, he really needed it at time time. He was so glad when Harry understood him and respected it. He was glad they could spent still time together as friends and talk with each other without fighting. The fights were the ones who teared him apart.

That was probably the reason why this lasted so long, again because he was scared. After all he just wanted Harry in his life to talk about stuff, which he loved.

At least they couldn't talk about this apparently, because Louis didn't knew about Harry's new friendship with Taylor at all. He found it out by pictures from the paps. And that really hurt him. He knew it what silly to believe that Harry would wait for him, he let him long in his doubts, but he kind of hoped for Harry to wait.

"Louis?"

The door opened and he saw Niall and Liam standing at his guestroom where he stayed in. They looked at him with pity in their eyes, Louis hated it. But when they rushed at him to hug him, he was glad they were there for him. "I'm so sorry, mate" told Niall him. "I immediately came to Liam's when I.. heard of it... This must be really hard for you."

"It means probably not much, Harry said they were just friends" tried Liam to comfort him too.

Louis didn't feel like talking about it. He released himself from their arms and wiped his cheeks dry. "Thank you guys. For being here."

Liam and Niall smiled at him. "No problem. Always here if you need us, mate" said Niall to him with a smile.

"Do you feel like setting your mind of to something else? We could play some FIFA if you like?" suggests Liam. "And order some pizza of course."

"Pizza!" yelled Niall happy.

Louis laughed. "That would be great."

"Alright mate, come when you're ready" said Liam before they left his room.

Louis took his phone and looked at the broken screen. He didn't wanted to admit to himself that Harry gave up on him. He didn't wanted to admit that it was too late for him. It couldn't be. Harry would wait for him, he would.

Knowing that Harry kept this away from him, made it clear it meant definitely more, because Harry was probably scared to tell him. But he should know of all people, that this hurt only more.

Chapter Text

The biggest problem with being in a relationship with someone you were also in a band with, is that you were in a band with them even when you were fighting. And in Louis's case, he and Harry had no choice but to be around each other nearly twenty-four-seven with the time demands of tour and the documentary.

Louis knew he had asked for space, but now that he had it, he didn't knew what to do with himself. He'd hoped that Harry and he could stay friends, meaning that they could talk to each other like the old times and maybe would get a spark of their first love back. But it wasn't like that, and Louis knew that he couldn't ask that from Harry. Harry owed him nothing, in contrary to Louis, who owed Harry everything. All the things that he couldn't give to him.

It wasn't like they didn't talked at all tough, they had no choice but to. Louis was doing his best to be as nice as possible to Harry to make up for how thoroughly he'd hurt him before and it was working, somewhat, at least. The fact was that when they tried to be friendly or familiar, it always seemed a bit fake. There were always cameras around now. None of them had had the opportunity to be truly genuine in quite a while. It was hard to say what was and wasn't real anymore.

The realization that Louis missed Harry hadn't took long to come with its own unique brand of distress. Sometimes Louis missed him even when they were standing in the same room, only mere metres apart from each other.

*

"Okay, so, first of all: Congratulations on your new album. It's the album we've all been waiting for" started the interviewer the interview and the boys thanked her. "Okay, so, Take Me Home is the title, so why did you choose this? And is there a special meaning to it?" Louis looked over at Harry, but he didn't recognize him back.

Knowing that the two boys couldn't talk or lie about it, answered Liam the question: "I think somebody said it and we thought it's quite relatable, 'cause we miss home quite a lot when we're on tour" everybody nodded to agree with him and he continued. "Another meaning is like 'Take me home' as in take the album home, you know" smiled Liam and they laughed because of Liam's stupid joke, the tension that was stuck in the air cleared a bit.

"Okay, so, what's the difference between this album compared to your last album?"

"It's not really a massive difference, you know, we tried to keep it quite similar" said Louis, but he got distracted and stopped talking.

"But?" asked the interviewer.

"There's not gonna be much difference" repeated Louis, while trying to remember what he was planning to say. "It's gonna be... very similar to the... first" replied he not all to smooth.

"Okay-"

"Someone else just take this question" said Louis annoyed, he felt just stupid sitting there like that.

Luckily helped Zayn him out by taking the role of answering: "Yeah, we didn't want to change the sound too much. However, we just wanted to get involved in the writing side of things more, that was the main thing of the album. So we tried to make the songs as personal as we could to our own personal experiences and stuff that we were going through the last couple years."

"Okay, so now I want to ask each one of you: what's your favorite song on the album and why?"

Harry's hand flipped in the air, like he was back in first grade or something. "I'll go first. My favorite song is 'Little things' because I think the lyrics are really, really good. And the visuals of them are amazing."

"My favorite personally is a song called 'I loved you first'." There, he said it. He didn't look at Harry, but he could feel his gaze on him. Liam patted him on his shoulder, showing that he was there if he needed him, and Louis stared down again.

Harry left as soon as he could after the interview. Louis didn't had the change to talk to him about everything, not that he was ready for that. He didn't wanted to hear how Harry had replaced him for someone else. The other lads tried to comfort him, like they always do, but no matter what, Louis still felt alone, in a way. Liam invited them all over at his place, but Louis turned the offer down. All he wanted was just spending some time crying in his old room. This bunch of feelings needed to get out of him.

*

The place was already open, but Louis had no seconds thoughts about it, until he saw that someone was in there. Louis never expected him to be here, he just thought he would go to Taylor or something, but here he was, doing the thing he was planning on to.

Harry lay down at their bed, covered in the sheets and the only thing Louis could do was staring at him. Staring at it, the ship tattoo that was drawn on his skin. Louis wondered what it meant, this was the first tattoo that was so big and caught eye so soon. But for the first time, he couldn't ask, It seemed like he'd lost his words. As Harry felt his gaze on him, he looked back at him, but not before wiping his tears of. He didn't want Louis to see them. "Leave me alone."

Louis' heart clinched of how his voice sounded so broken, he just wanted to hug him. But he knew Harry wouldn't appreciate that so he just stood there awkward for a while. "Uh, yeah. I'm sorry" said he and he intended to close the door again to run away from there - but Harry's voice stopped him.

"What are you even doing here anyway? You haven't been here for days."

He was right. Louis had been avoiding Harry. First because of the feelings he didn't wanted to feel and later because of, yeah, the thing. With that also came the fact that they should be moving out from Princess Park by now. He loved their place, but had just so much memories and he thought it would bring too much pain with it. "I- I just wasn't ready for... it, I guess."

Harry frowned. "Then what's changed?"

Louis shrugged, this was the most talking they had over time and it was way to open for him. "The memories... and stuff, I no longer wanted to avoid them, I wanted to feel them instead." That was true, Louis was bored of himself putting all his feelings away, like Niall said, he needed to be honest. To start with with himself.

Harry nodded, understanding what Louis was trying to say. He looked away, like he just decided that they were done with the conversation, so Louis was about to close the door again.

"Are you leaving?"

Louis looked surprised up at Harry who was still laying with his back turned to him. He had thought that Harry wanted him to, now, he wasn't so sure anymore. "No, I- I was about to make some tea, if you want some."

There was no answer, so Louis decided that that was what he was going to do.

Harry came out of the bedroom about ten minutes later and he had put a shirt over his shorts. He said nothing, he just walked to the window and stared at the falling rain outside. Louis offered him the mock of tea, but he ignored it. "It'll make you feel better" tried Louis.

Harry turned his gaze from the window. "I don't want your pity" snapped he at Louis, before turning away from him again.

Louis put the mock back on the table, a little shocked by Harry's outburst. "Well, then, uh- I'll just leave. I'm sorry for disturbing you" said he apologetic with a tiny voice to Harry's back. He grabbed his unused keys from the table and walked towards the door.

"So you're just running away again?" asked Harry suddenly before Louis could leave.

Louis sighed and watched the boy by the window. "Look, I get it. I hurt you, now you hurt me. I get it. Just don't rub it in my face every time that this is all my fault. I fucking know that, alright? Enjoy your time with Taylor, just don't bother me with it."

Harry eyed Louis thoughtfully, trying to hold back all the feelings running through him right now. "That's not... It's not like that."

"Whatever, I don't wanna talk about it" Louis sighed again and stroked his feathery hair, also looking confused. "This isn't how I wanted this to go... I-" he wasn't sure what he was about to say, but Harry interrupted him so it didn't matter anyway.

"What did you expected from me, Lou? For real."

Louis stared awkward at his feet. "I don't know, I guess I just... I kinda hoped you would wait, you know... for me..." the lines between tiles on the tiles on the floor became blurry by his watering eyes. He wiped them dry, embarrassed by standing in front of Harry like this. "Forget this, I'm- I'm going."

"I still am."

It was hard to hear, but he was sure he heard it. He heard Harry's small whisper, but it made no sense. "What?"

"I am waiting, Lou."

"But you-" started Louis confused, but Harry made him silent again.

"I am waiting" repeated he, louder now. "For fucking weeks now, Lou. All these moment I needed you, you weren't there. You promised you would be there for me, but you... you just kept me waiting." Harry tried to fight against his tears. "You know, I'm just so sick of this" said he angry. "I'm so sick of-" he was stopped by Louis, who pressed his lips on him.

There was nothing else to do. Maybe they were angry at each other, but that was only because of the pain they shared. They just missed each other. Damn, Louis missed Harry a lot. He pushed his body against Harry's until they were snogging against the wall. God, he missed that.

First, Harry took automatically part in the kiss, he had waited for this to happen for so long. But then, when he realized what they were doing, he pushed Louis away. "Don't- don't do that. You can't play me like that. Fuck, Lou, just leave. And I mean it."

"No" stated Louis. "Harry, you can't ignore that we need each other. Being apart brings us nothing with pain. Look what a mess we are! We can't live without each other. I love you and you love me, there's no other way to look at it."

Harry scoffed. "Seriously? You've come to that realization now? I fucking know all that, Lou. You were the one ignoring that, remember. I fucking knew it all the time, but you just kept pushing me away."

"And I'm sorry! Don't you get how miserable I feel because all of this? I just couldn't be with you and have to feel all your pain. The one I brought you, every single time. I know I'm a coward who runs away, but, Harry, there's never been a moment since I've met you that I didn't loved you."

"Why don't you show it then? Every time I need your love for me, it's not there. So, what is the point of loving me of you're not willing to show it to me?"

"Harry, you know I try-"

"No. You don't. You just go with everything they say. Yes, it's your fault we're in this mess, but at least you could try to do something about it. Can't you?" Harry just sounded desperately now, he just wanted a way out of this shit between them. And Louis, standing lonely in the middle of the room, was consumed by guilt.

"Harry, you know I hate myself for the day I signed that fucking contract. I hate myself for it. Look, if I could do anything to-"

"You always say that! You always say stuff like that, even if you don't mean it. You promise me always shit you can't make truth. You break fucking everything!"

"Harry, stop yelling at me! I'm sorry, alright? What do you want me to say?"

"Nothing. There's nothing you can say. Just leave."

Louis knew there was nothing he could do to fix this. Harry was right, it was too late, time had slipped through his fingers. But that still didn't mean that he would let him go, he couldn't do that. Now that he had fallen into the clouds, he didn't want to come back to earth. That was one thing he was completely sure of.

Louis would always choose Harry. He would choose Harry even if they could not be together. No matter where he was and who he was with, he would always choose Harry. It's tragic that he doesn't have a choice anymore at all. He had signed his life and rights away the moment he signed the contract with the band. He signed away his right to love who he chooses.

He wished more than anything that this wasn't happening. He didn't know how to say goodbye, not to Harry. He wiped his tears away and walked out of the door. He had to hold the urge to look back at Harry, who let himself fall on the floor. The door closes behind him and this time, he was really gone.

*

Louis went back to Liam's in his emotional breakdown, he was glad that his friend was home so that he had someone to lean on. Liam didn't asked him to say anything, he just held him in his arms, rubbing his back, whispering that it was going to be okay. He wanted to believe those words so bad.

After half an hour, as Louis was out of tears and as his body had calmed down a little, Liam brought him to bed - the bed in he guestroom, which Louis was way too familiar with to his liking. He helped the boy with taking his shoes and his jeans off and put him into the soft sheets. He only left to make him a cup of tea, and Louis knew that he was lucky to have him.

"Are you a little bit better?" asked Liam concerned as he passed the mock over.

"Yeah, thank you lots," said Louis grateful as he took a sip. As always calmed the hot drink him down a bit.

"Wanna talk about it?" Liam still had the worried look on his face. Louis started to believe that his frown wouldn't go away anymore.

"I just- It's all my fault, Li," he had been wrong about the running out of tears, sometimes that was just impossible.

"You've already said that, Lou, and I still don't believe that it's true."

"He said it himself, that I am the one to blame, that I ruined everything and I- he's right."

"Harry is hurt and people always say things they don't mean when they're hurt," Liam reached over to stroke his back again.

"But I was the one who made him feel that way, I was the one who left him, so-"

"Nobody can control how they feel, Lou, it was all just a little bit too much back then. I'm sure that Harry will forgive you."

"Why can't he now? He has already moved on, he- he didn't even gave me time to explain myself to him, he just turned his back to me because I had done that before. How are we supposed to solve this, Li?"

"He's not moved on, Lou" told Liam him, and Louis felt a little sparkle of hope burning in his chest, but he extinguished it out as soon as it came, it had probably no point anyway.

"What?"

"He's not moved on" repeated Liam.

"But what about-"

"It's a pr-stunt, Lou. I talked to Zayn and he explained everything. Harry does it for you, he wouldn't have done it if he had no faith in you anymore."

"Wait. So, everything on the news... It's not true?"

"It's not. However, I don't get why he hasn't told you that himself, it would've made things a lot easier" sighed Liam.

"I think I didn't really gave him the change to... We're not really good with the talk stuff to be honest."

Liam snickered, because he knew that too. "No, you aren't."

Louis chuckled too, feeling a bit better already. "Okay, but what do I do now? We've made it a bit of a mess last time."

"Just take things slow, baby-steps."

Louis laughed again. "That's your advice? Baby-steps?"

Liam pat him on the shoulder before climbing of the bed. "It is, do what you want with it, but I've taken my part in this. Just give it time and make it up, you guys fighting makes me feel exhausted," joked he as he faked a yawn. It worked, he got another smile from Louis. "Is it alright if I'm going to Zayn's or do you rather want me to stay here?"

"I'm fine, thank you, you helped me lots. I'm planning to go somewhere too this evening."

"Oh?" asked Liam for more information.

"Harry's got a new tattoo, a ship, and I thought to match him, like I did with the question marks back then, he seemed to like that."

Liam's lips curled up. "You guys certainly have a weird way of communicating. What are you getting?"

"A compass," answered Louis, like this always had been the plan, but to be honest, this idea had just popped into his mind.

"He'll like that."

"I hope so," replied Louis. "Well, now go and have fun!"

"Alright, mate" smiled Liam and he gave Louis a last hug before he left.

Louis stayed behind, feeling actually good again. The flame of hope burned back in his chest and spreads warmth through his body. He had no thoughts to blew it out this time. As he looked out the window, he could see that it had stopped raining, and in a way that gave him hope too.

He decided to follow Liam's advice and grabbed his phone to type a text message out before he would leave. He started with saying sorry and that Harry was right. After that he announced that he was coming back tomorrow - weather Harry was there or not - to pack their stuff in Princess Park. He told him too that he really was going to miss their home. There was nothing more he could do. Louis believed that he was just as bad in sending texts as in talking, but he didn't care because he had said everything he wanted to say. Except than that he loved Harry and that he missed him lots. But like Liam said: baby-steps.

*

He didn't expected an answer so he wasn't disappointed when there was none the next morning. It seemed like Liam had spend the night at Zayn's so Louis just wrote him a note before he left. To his surprise was the door of their apartment open again, and Harry was inside, packing. He looked up as Louis entered, and Louis couldn't help but notice how beautiful he was when his curls fell next to his head. "Oh, hi," greeted he and he stayed standing awkward in the doorway.

"Morning" replied Harry with a hoarse morning voice and Louis wished he could control his feelings better. Now that everything had been become clear to him - that Harry never had the intention to leave him - he wanted nothing but being with his boyfriend again. But he knew that it wasn't going to be that easy.

"Mind if I help?"

"No, that's fine."

Yeah, baby-steps. Louis pulled out his jacket and walked over at Harry, but he stopped when he saw the boy frowning at him. Harry's gaze was aimed to his jacket that he had thrown on the floor, and Louis' lips curled up as he noticed a smirk on Harry's facial features.

"Sorry, old habit" he turned back to pick it up and, knowing that Harry was still watching, he showed his bum a bit more. He didn't know where he wanted to go with this, but he liked the playful tension in the air between them right now. It was like yesterday didn't occurred at all.

Suddenly was Harry approaching him until Louis could feel his breathening in his neck. He gasped as Harry's cold fingeres lingered over his arm, to the compass. Louis turned around and soon he was captivated in Harry's gaze. Neither of them said a word, but they both were thinking the same thing.

Together they started packing and cleaning the place. It was a little hard, so they tried both to only take the regular things, like kitchen and bathroom stuff, things that didn't make them emotional, other than the pictures on the walls or the things in their nightstands.

Harry had put on some music, which made everything much easier to do. As Louis had finished the bathroom from making it empty - except from the bottle of lube he was staring half an hour at - he got to the kitchen to make some food. Harry was sitting on the floor, putting the cutlery in boxes. "Hey," said he as he looked up.

"Hi, I'm a bit hungry, is there any food left that I can cook?"

Harry got up and went to the fridge. "Uh, depends on what you're making?"

"Just thinking of eggs, you know there's not much I can cook" smiled Louis and Harry returned it while he handed him some eggs over. "You want some too?" asked Louis then, not wanting to have a silence between them as they were standing so close to each other.

"Only if you're making them in toast" teased Harry.

"You know there's no other option" answered Louis serious and he had to hold his smile when he realized that Harry was gonna stay in the kitchen looking at him.

"Bathroom done?" asked Harry, apparently he liked to keep the conversation going too.

Louis coughed and his cheeks flushed red. "Uh, yeah, it's empty."

Harry watched him confused before he left the counter and Louis buried his face in his hands. He didn't want to look up when Harry returned. "Now I get why you became so uncomfortable" chuckled Harry and as Louis removed his hands he saw him holding the bottle of lube.

Louis couldn't keep his gaze from the little bottle, but he had to, since Harry was eyeing him closely. He coughed again, "I wasn't uncomfortable at all."

Harry snickered. "Alright, what you say" he put the bottle on the counter between them two, with no shame given price on his face. "I believe you should focus on the eggs more, we don't want them to get burned by the heat, don't we?"

Louis forced himself to concentrate on what he was doing. "I'm disappointed in your trust in me as a cook, Harry."

Harry leaned closer in to him. "I'm sorry if I insulted you." He was asking him to watch his full lips, but Louis tried to ignore him. He didn't get how they ended up this way, yesterday they were yelling at each other and now they were practically flirting.

Somehow Louis managed to get the eggs ready without burning them and they ate them together at the counter.

"I'm really going to miss this place" said Louis again, he felt like he couldn't say it enough, because he really was.

"Yeah, me too" said Harry. "Especially because all the memories we made here." He stroked his hand over the tablet and Louis got reminded of the fact that they were eating on the place they had sex on. Multiple times. His cheeks became red again as he eyed the bottle of lube still standing in front of them and he reproached himself for letting a serious moment to change in this, even tough it wasn't his fault.

"Yeah, all those memories" repeated Louis, trying to keep his voice steady. But Harry saw him too and smirked, maybe this had been his intention already in the first place.

"I think we've had sex on every possible place here" laughed Harry and Louis was a little shocked, he hadn't thought that either of them would say out loud what they were thinking.

He recovered himself. "And on the impossible places too" added he, while smiling as he thought back about the little accident they had had a time. And just like that, they were laughing again, together. Another warmth flowed through Louis's body and he actually felt himself being happy again.

"I think-" started Harry, a little nervous. "I think we should do it again."

"What?"

"Having sex" stated Harry. "I mean, like here on the counter, in the couch, in the shower, ... Just every place we can think of, to memorize the place, you know, only in good ways."

Louis was silent for a moment, struck by Harry's wish, but he actually found himself liking the idea, a lot.

"Just joking" laughed Harry, a little embarrassed.

"Here? Right now?" asked Louis, to make things sure.

Harry just smirked to him and Louis saw that as enough for an answer so they pressed their lips together. It wasn't loving or passionate, but full of lust and a bit messy, they both loved it. This was what they had desired all this time.

"I love your new tattoo," said Harry between their kisses of lust, his voice already hoarse.

Louis smiled in response and shoved the plates away to clean the surface for when they climbed on the counter. His hands searched for Harry's shirt and pulled it off, Harry did the same with his. "Haz" Louis grasped for air between Harry's lips. "Are you sure about this?" He tried to create some space between them so that he could look Harry in the eye. The green ones stared intensely back at his.

"I'm tired of us fighting, Lou. I just- I need you," groaned Harry and he grabbed Louis cheeks to push their lips together again. Louis moaned in Harry's mouth as the boy gripped between his thighs. He felt Harry's hands moving to the waistband of his sweats and he pushed his hips up to make it easier to pull them of.

"It points to home," he said, panting. "The compass. It points to you."

Harry's eyes were bright as he met Louis' before he kissed him. There was no trace left of hurt. That gave Louis hope. Maybe they could work it out after all.

Chapter Text

In Princess Park, there had taken place so many firsts that they couldn't count them, it meant everything. It was the place where they had had their breakdowns and where their tears had fallen several times. But that made it even more special, because right now at this moment, they were still together. After everything, they were still going strong, although sometimes it didn't really feel that way.

"Someday, we will buy a house together. All for ourselves, Haz" said Louis when he snuggled in Harry's arms.

Harry wrapped them around him and kissed his temple. "We will," promised he back. Louis looked up at him when he heard the little crack in Harry's voice and he saw that his green eyes watered. It made him mad that they couldn't just buy another place together right now. Sure, they would made the best of it and would try to see each other as much, but it wouldn't be the same.

"You're so much bigger all sudden, it's not fair, I'm supposed to look the older one" mocked Louis, he wanted to be the reason that Harry would smile again. It worked: Harry laughed and Louis loved how his face lit up.

"You're just a small bean, love" Harry cupped his chin on Louis' head, because, yeah, he could.

"Give me a break, I'm big!" shouted Louis offended and he broke free from Harry's grip on him. Harry pulled him back.

"You're not" smiled he teasingly. "I love how you stand on you tiptoes for me. You're mine small bean" said he with a twinkle in his eyes.

Louis let Harry hold his body close to him again and he blushed due to his words. "I'm yours." They brought their lips together for a sweet kiss, and tongs joined soon in. Harry grinned against Louis mouth as he felt him coming closer from standing on his tiptoes. Louis couldn't take his teasing anymore and he pushed him away again. "You're such a jerk" accused he Harry, who only laughed at him. "Giraffe" mouthed Louis.

"What?" asked Harry offended.

"Alright, alright" interrupted Liam their banter. "Harry is big and Louis small. We get it. Now can you two please quit the PDA for a sec?"

"Sorry, Li. Got a little carried away there. But one thing, Louis is not small, I'm still sore from yesterday," commented Harry as he winked at his boyfriend.

Liam stood there with his mouth wide open and Niall and Zayn groaned. "Harry, we talked about this. I only want details when I ask for them" said Niall.

"Sorry, mate" apologized Harry again.

"So, what? You two had sex yesterday? After like, 5 seconds you made up?" asked Niall now.

"Oh, yeah and multiple times" grinned Louis and Liam sighed.

"Well, Lou, it's nice to know that you followed my advice."

"What was your advice?" questioned Harry curiously, but they both ignore him.

"I did follow it! But then Harry seduced me and took a bottle of lube, I had no choice but to fuck him" explained Louis and Harry wide his eyes at his statement.

"I seduced you? You were the one wiggling your bum around to give me a hard-on. Besides, I fucked you too."

Louis smiled. "Yeah, it was great, love. I loved how you were so horny while you-"

This time it was Zayn to interrupt them, he had heard them talking about this topic in his house already for half an hour, pretenting like they were the only ones there. "Yeah, yeah. I've heard enough. Just glad you two made up."

Louis and Harry dropped the conversation. "Thanks Z."

Zayn nodded in response, he knew that they just had tried to ignore the tense that had been there since they had left the grey chairs of the white room.

"So how are the plans? I can't help but to fall asleep at every meeting" asked Niall ignorantly as he let himself fall on the couch and yawned again at the thought of the hours in the boring room with their management. Zayn watched Harry and Louis nervously.

"Well, Harry is spending New Year's Eve with Taylor and after that they're going on a new year vacation. Isn't that sweet?" said Louis with a smile, but his eyes didn't take part. Harry looked at the ground.

Niall wished he had stayed awake, then he wouldn't have asked. Then he wouldn't have felt so small because of the tension in the room. It was noticeable that Harry and Louis weren't standing so close anymore as before, how they were acting now was a dramatic difference. Niall hoped that it wasn't as serious as it seemed.

"You're spending New Year's Eve with the girl you're almost two years with so" murmured Harry.

"Great, I'm so excited" snapped Louis sarcastically back.

Harry frustratingly wanted to throw a answer back, but Liam interrupted him to prevent their discussion from urging into something bigger. "Guys, guys. I'm sorry for you two but we just have to get over with it. Harry, you almost get to break up with her so everything will be fine. It's sad about New Year's Eve, we've always celebrated as a band and I'm going to miss you guys." He changed the direction of the conversation to ease them a bit.

"Yeah, last year was amazing, everybody was so pissed." Niall laughed at the memories.

"The cleaning up part was the worst" sighed Zayn dramatically as he let himself fall on the couch. "Although it was worth it."

"It was," agreed Harry. They were silent for a moment when they were thinking at the good times back then. Of course, it hadn't been all good, but at least they had hope that it all would come to an end. Thinking about how every moment they thought it couldn't get any worse, it had become. This was just another moment they had stolen from them now. All their freedom was gone.

"Oi" yelled Louis and he jumped on Zayn, "you didn't even helped cleaning up, you lazy ass."

Everyone laughed and got comfortable again now that the earlier subject was dropped. Zayn pushed Louis off his chest to the ground. "I was sick! And Niall didn't help either!"

"Yeah, yeah. Always the same excuse" mumbled Louis as he got back on his feet. "You up for a smoke, mate?" He stroked over his sweats.

"Sure," answered Zayn - like he would ever say no to a good smoke with his mate - and they walked to the balcony together. Before entering outside, Louis turned around at Harry to give him little smile. He knew that Harry needed someone to talk to about upcoming New Year's Eve, since they obvious couldn't talk about it with each other without starting a fight, so the best thing he could do was giving Harry some privacy with his thoughts.

Zayn stood up and pulled the pack of Marlboro's from the pocket of his coat and followed Louis out on the slightly shabby balcony. He pulled one out of the pack for himself and then handed the pack to Louis who took one and then pocketed it in his own baggy joggers. "I'm keeping it. I think I want another one when this one's finished."

"Sure," Zayn put his own cigarette in his mouth and lit it before offering the flame to Louis. "Hey, mate, you alright?" asked Zayn as he watched how Louis struggled to put his cig on.

"I'm fine" mumbled Louis under his breath as he took a deep inhale, and his shoulders seemed to relax when he blew the smoke out. "Just a bit stressed lately. You know it's not always easy."

Zayn nodded. "I know." As he leaned his crossed arms on the hand rest of the balcony, leaning out a little over the edge to peek down form his flat carefully, just in case there were fans there. It was empty, still.

When he glanced back at Louis, he was leaning against the wall, taking a deep drag of his cigarette before releasing thick smoky curls through his nose. His eyes were closed and his head was pulled back, resting against the tiles of the brick building. He breathed out in a long even sigh, smoke billowing around him.

They smoked their cigarettes in silence and when they were done, Louis immediately pulled out the package and took the proffered lighter from Zayn's outstretched hand. "It's so fucking frustrating, isn't it?" Louis asked out loud when he'd nearly finished his second cigarette. His voice was slightly rough. "I don't even know what the fuck I'm supposed to do, it's shit." Another deep inhale, and then a smoke heavy exhale.

He stubbed his cigarette out on the tile wall and then let it fall to his feet where he tramped on it as if it had personally offended him. "It's not either of our faults, it's just-"

"A shit situation." Zayn filled in.

"Yeah." Louis picked at the cigarette pack, and seemed to consider a third one, but then apparently thought better of it.

"I wish I could do more to support you guys. Stand up for you or something. It's wrong how you two are treated" Zayn spoke softly, flicking the cigarette butt into the wall and watching it bounce down. Louis stomped his foot on that one too.

"You already do enough, mate. Harry and I are glad we have you guys to go through this. Otherwise we wouldn't have made it."

"It's still shit."

"It is." Louis rubbed both hands over his face and Zayn cursed the day someone came up with the idea that two of his best friends couldn't just properly be in love just because. It was Zayn's turn to take a deep breath. "Maybe we could-" Louis stopped himself and then he sighed.

"What?" Zayn turned his head towards Louis, who shrugged.

"I don't know. I honestly don't even know anymore. I'm so fucking tired."

"I'm so sorry, mate" said Zayn, his rage still flooding through his body.

"Me too, if only things hadn't to go like this. But it's worth to go on, you know, for Harry" confessed Louis with his cheeks flushed.

Out of the blue he got hugged by Zayn. "That's beautiful, Lou."

There lasted a few minutes of silence before there was a soft rap on the door. How ridiculous to knock on a door to go outside, Zayn thought, as he let Louis go, but then smiled softly when it was Liam's head that peeked outside.

"Lads? You good to go? Everyone's waiting." He turned his kind eyes on Louis. "You okay, mate?"

"Of course I am." Louis seemed to shake himself mentally as he stood up to head inside. "Just give me a few minutes, I need to-" He started fiddling with the cigarette pack again, and Zayn guessed it was more of a grounding thing for him rather than the overwhelming need for even more nicotine. "Just a couple more minutes, then I'll be done with this one."

"Of course." Liam nodded and slipped back inside.

"It's getting ridiculous. I'm putting all my energy to fake a relationship with Eleanor -we're putting all our energy in it - and apparently is that still not enough? First the crazy Caroline stuff, now this Haylor shit... How far will they go with us? " Louis fingers trembled just slightly around the cigarette as he turned tired eyes on him, letting out another cloud of smoke.

"I never thought it'd be like this between us, not when they first asked us to tone it down a notch. I thought it would pass by, you know?"

"It wasn't just about toning it down though. You're not even allowed to talk to each other during interviews now, are you? They're making it up as if you hate each other." Zayn shook his head. "Not look at each other during concerts either, right? That's sick, man. Really mental."

"Yeah. I wish-"

The door opened again. "Lou?" Harry stepped outside on the balcony, a slightly sheepish expression on his face. "Zayn, can we...?"

"Sure, I'll head back inside. Is Liam fretting?"

Harry gave a soft laugh. "Yeah, a bit." They were supposed to go to a birthday party and they'd already missed the start of it.

"I'll calm him down. See you in a bit." Zayn gave Harry's shoulder a soft squeeze as he squeezed by him in the narrow doorway.

"I-"

"We-"

They both spoke at the same time, and startled they turned silent for another minute, Harry shuffling his feet, his toes pointing even more inwards than usual, while Louis was staring at the cigarette butts on the floor.

"Look-" Harry started. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean what I said, I was just-"

"Yeah, me too. I'm sorry." They finally looked at each other Louis opened his arms as he came closer to Harry and Harry seemed to hesitate for just a moment before he stepped into the embrace.

Harry pulled back a little but kept his arms securely locked around Louis' neck. "I really really love you, Lou." He tilted his head to the side, his big green eyes blinking widely at him.

"God, Harry. Me too. You know I do. You have to know that, I need you to remember that."

"I do. I do know that." Harry smiled then, a careful smile. "Can I kiss you?" He pulled his head back just slightly, far enough that their faces weren't touching, but close enough that Louis could feel the hot air from Harry's breathing brush over his lips.

Louis couldn't help but smile, a small soft thing. "Since when do you need to ask my permission?" He tilted his head up, just a bit, but not closing the distance.

"Since we're fighting and I'm still not sure we're done making up." A firm hand traveled down Louis's arm, all the way down to nip at his inner wrist and then twining their hands together. Another hot gust of air over Louis' mouth. "Please. Can I?"

"Oh my god," Louis grinned. "Just get on with it."

That's all the incentive that Harry needed, his free hand not holding Louis coming up to cup the side of Louis' face, soft lips settling on Louis', Harry's plush lips mouthing at his lower lip. It was a soft kiss, long lazy strokes of tongue and Harry pulled back a bit. "You taste like cigarettes" stated he with a pout.

"You're a giraffe," complained Louis back and Harry smiled as he looked down at Louis' small feet.

"I love you," declared he again.

"I know," replied Louis with a smile and he kissed Harry again.

*

Weren't you supposed to feel excited at a night like New Year's Eve? Well, Harry certainly didn't. The only thing he wanted to do was to stay in bed all day. Too bad that Louis wasn't with him, full days in bed are his thing - theirs. Harry wished that at least they would've had a proper goodbye, but neither of them were able of that then.

Harry groaned in his pillow, thinking about Louis didn't really improved his mood, he only felt more lonely and unhappy in the world. After some calls and emails, he got up, but only because he had no other choice. Time flew by in a gaze, but it also didn't. It took ages for him to get to the shower and when he was finally under the water, he actually forget why was there. So, yeah, good morning.

Normally Harry would put on the radio - something Louis always complained of, he claimed that it was too noisy - and he would hum along with the music automatically - something that Louis did love. He would prepare some eggs and toast, some fresh orange juice and laugh at Louis' jokes. He would be happy. He was sure Louis wasn't now, too.

It was at the airport where Harry had his breakdown. You never know when it might happen, at one moment you're not thinking and the next you're falling apart by a million thoughts and worries.

When the woman at the desk asked for his passport, he immediately realized where it lays - the picture of it on the kitchen table flashed through his mind. Harry didn't know what he was thinking back then when he left, maybe he had left it on purpose. He wouldn't know, it was like he didn't knew who he was anymore.

"Sir? I'm sorry but I can't help you if you have no passport" said the Heathrow woman again, she spoke slow as apparently he didn't listened the first time and she sounded also a bit annoyed because he was holding up the line that started to form behind him.

Harry looked up from the brown stain on the wall he had been staring at, he had wondered if it was coffee or chocolate, or maybe it was just a regular borning spot of dirt that marred the plain white wall. "Uh, yeah, right. I'm sorry," apologized he as he was thinking straight again and he ran off.

The only thing he could do was calling himself stupid. Stupid for leaving his passport home, stupid that he was even here and stupid that he actually wanted to cry. Suddenly all the people around him were too much, usually it didn't bother him, but now he felt suffocated.

With nowhere else to go, he ended up in the restroom, hands shaking, calling Louis.

"Hi, Hazz. You alright?" Louis seemed surprised that Harry called, and somehow Harry wished that he hadn't been. He just wanted to hear his calm voice, telling him that everything was okay - that they were okay.

"I'm at the airport."

"Oh, yeah" commented Louis, not sure how to react. "Is something wrong?"

"I- I left my passport home."

And out of the blue, Louis started to laugh at the other line. It was his crazy laugh, way to loud to Harry's ears on the other line, but nevertheless a smile broke through his face. "Yeah, and I'm sitting in the men's restroom and you're laughing at my stupid self right now, so thank you, I feel a lot better already." He actually did feel better, he should've talked to Louis sooner, then maybe wouldn't have this all happened.

"I'm sorry," cackled Louis, and Harry smiled until he wasn't hearable anymore. "I love you, Hazz" told his soft voice in the phone after a short silence and Harry's heart skipped a beat. The butterflies in his stomach would never disappear, no matter how many times Louis would say it.

"I love you, Boo. And uh, Happy New Year."

"Yeah, you too" answered Louis, he had his voice back under control.

"I'll probably get home to be on time for my next flight, I wouldn't want to miss Coldplay."

"Alright, say hi to them from me."

"I will. Uh, see you?"

It was quiet again on the other line, but this time it meant that the two of them didn't really know the answer.

"See you soon" answered Louis finally determined and the call ended.

*

The concert was great and it definitely helped Harry's mood, he felt a lot less suppressed than earlier. Nevertheless he knew for sure that that feeling would come back tonight.

He still couldn't live by the fact that he and Louis had too be separated now. And above that, they had to be with people they didn't want to be with. It wasn't that Harry and Louis hated Taylor and Eleanor, that wasn't the cause at all, they just wanted the opportunity to be together. But they even couldn't have that.

"Harry, you're late" told someone him when he arrived, but Harry just ignored them. Now the concert had ended, he really just wanted to sleep. His flight from Heathrow to New York extended 8 full hours with lack of sleep since he hadn't been able to relax.

"Hi" said Taylor as she appeared next to him.

"Hi" replied Harry, but he couldn't bring himself to smile at her, his mood had changed back again as soon as he got there. They got into the car and start driving, at the front sat someone to repeat the instructions Harry had heard already like a million times before.

"Walk hand in hand, whisper to each other, make it look like you're together, kiss her, ..." Just the regular stuff. Harry banned the sound of her voice out and looked at the little lights on the streets. He had always loved how cities looked at nights like these. It was a shame that he couldn't be at this romantic scene with his actual boyfriend. He was almost glad when the car stops, at least this would be over then. He got out of the car, but stopped his tracks for a moment. He knew that there would be a lot of people, but this amount scared him anyway.

He felt a soft hand taking his. "We can do this" encouraged Taylor soft, a lot was depending on this night for the both of them. Harry nodded.

Together they got through the crowd, Harry forgetting almost all their instructions. The cheers around them were loud when people noticed them, but they didn't really bother Harry anymore, because they blocked his thoughts away.

The clock hit twelve and they kissed. That was it.

After, they left as soon as possible back to the car. Both quiet because there wasn't really anything to say. As they arrived at Harry's he said goodbye to Taylor and went straight to his bed to sleep, he felt exhausted. The next day, they would have to leave early for their vacation, so he better started sleeping now. But not before he texted Louis to tell him that he missed him.

*

Harry's eyes drifted over the pages of his novel as he listened to the rolling tides. The book he was reading now called 'My Policeman', a story of two people who loved each other, but weren't allowed to. It wasn't hard for Harry to notice it was familiar with how it went between Louis and him. The big difference was though, that the two men of the book lived in 1950's, where there was no form of acceptance, Harry and Louis on the other hand, lived in an area were people were more open-minded, and still, it was the same.

As soon as they got to the place, Harry had known that it had been the right choice to bring almost a whole library along with him. It would be the perfect time killer to read in the sand, in front of the sea with the sun on your skin. Maybe this vacation wasn't gonna be so bad after all.

A sudden scream made him to drop his book in the soft sand and he looked up. There, still in track-pants and a sweater - clothes that definitely didn't fit the weather - was Louis.

Harry was sure his mouths was catching flies when he stared at Louis who tried to run at him in the sand, inhibited. Half of the time Harry was sure that Louis was going to lose his balance and fell, but he didn't. Harry got up and reached him by walking the last feet between them. He took a panting Louis in his arms and suddenly he felt the need to cry.

"I missed you, too" said Louis.

"I can't believe you came, I'm so glad you're here," Harry had decided he rather wants to smile.

"I had to" replied Louis and he collided their lips.

Chapter Text

Their days at the British Virgin Islands had been incredible, just some chilling out on the beach was the best thing to do, especially when they knew that Harry was free of his beard now. The rumors that the relationship had ended were confirmed after Taylor had left the destination. Louis didn't want to be mean, but the pictures of her sitting depressed on the boat were rather laughable.

Sadly, their time alone didn't take long and they soon were forced to go back to their busy schedules. You may think by now that they were used to the early mornings and the long flights, but they weren't. The annoying sound of the alarm gave them almost a headache. Louis grunted. "What time is it?"

"5 o'clock," breathed Harry in his pillow and he turned around to face Louis. He saw that the boy had already closed his eyes again, his lips apart, ready to let himself slip in the darkness. Harry smiled to the worry-less face and printed it in his mind, this was what he would like to remember. He brought his hand to his hair and played with it a bit as Louis encouraged him with hums.

"C'mon, Boobear, we need to get up," decided Harry finally. Louis only shifted closer to Harry's body and hummed a bit more, which made Harry chuckled at his cuteness.

"You know there are always other ways.." started Harry and Louis fast stopped him talking.

"Please don't tickle me," mumbled he against Harry's chest.

Harry smiled even wider and smirked and Louis looked expectantly up at him. "No, not today. I was thinking of something else to be honest."

Louis' lazy eyes followed Harry as he crept under the sheets. Soon the only thing he could see was a big white ghost at his feet. He placed an arm behind his head as he watched Harry's body move. He shivered as Harry touched his ankles and reached higher, above his thighs. A moan escaped his mouth as Harry grabbed his dick. Harry's face appeared below the sheets, a cheeky grin at his face.

"Already hard, are we?" He disappeared again to hide his amusement of seeing the look on Louis' face. They definitely should do this more often.

Louis felt his hand rubbing against his dick until he raised in the air. He thought that if Harry wouldn't have been there, that you could see his erection sticking out as a white mountain. Louis brought his other hand down to find Harry's soft curls as the boy licked him down there. Harry kept teasing him with small licks so Louis gave a hard thug at his hair and he heard Harry moan against his dick, yeah, this only made him harder. Shit.

Suddenly Harry's mouth was around him and Louis knew he wasn't far from coming. He lifted his hip to meet Harry deeper, still pulling a bit at his hair. He was sure he could be heard in the other room as he released himself in the sheets. With Harry looking at him with his innocent big eyes. "Good morning, boo" said he as he placed a kiss on his lips before he disappeared in the bathroom to shower. Louis could only watch his ass, enjoying his early morning.

As they both took the elevator, they were ready on time - thanks to Harry - and met the other boys downstairs. "Well, look at you happy lads" greeted Niall them with a grin.

Harry wrapped his arm with a smugly smile around Louis before saying: "Early bird gets the wood on."

Niall, who was about to yawn, sputtered out his coffee from laughing and created a strange funny sound as some of it came out of his nose. Zayn just looked at the three of them with tired confused eyes. "I don't even wanna know what that means."

Liam agreed. "Why does Niall though?"

"I just know things," explained Niall as he was recovered from choking in his coffee and asked: "But seriously now, who gave who a blowjob?" Liam and Zayn groaned and changed the subject quickly to their upcoming concerts as they stationnated themselves in the tourbus.

Louis soon became bored and started to play with Harry's hair. "What are your favorite movies?" wondered he. "Three of them. And please don't say 'The Notebook' because I can't stand it to see you drowling all over Ryan Gosling one more time."

Harry laughed, his body shocked over Louis' chest. "Uh, let me have a moment to think about that," said he slow.

"Take your time, love," answered Louis supportive, curling Harry's hair around his finger.

Harry took a deep breath. "Well, if I'm only allowed to say three, I'll say Titanic, definitely that one. And I'm sorry, but The Notebook is included, I love that one too much to left it out. Uhm, and the last one is, uh...," Harry pouted doubtly his lips. "Love Actually," he finally signed relieved.

Louis chuckled. "My mom loves that one too, see makes us watch Love Actually every Christmas. Like everyone always starts to whine about the fact that we need to see it every year, but secretely they love it. I love it," said Louis with a bit of homesickness.

"We could watch it together if you like," suggested Harry, now stroking Louis' fringe in return. "We have a TV right here and time enough while we're one the road."

Louis smiled and pecked Harry on his lips, sliding his tongue slow over Harry's soft. "Yeah, I'd love that."

*

In the background they could hear the sound thousands exciting screams coming out of the arena. It was almost time to get on stage and all the boys felt the adrenaline like before every show, they couldn't wait to get up on the stage.

It wasn't as excited as at first anymore, memories from the shows were harder to hold onto than anything else. In the beginning, each new show had been a sharp pinprick of memory, easy to resurrect from the recesses of Louis's mind. But as time went on and performing live became the new normal, it was harder to dig out what had happened where, at which show, and when. By the time they got into the swing of things on the Take Me Home Tour, even the shows they had just performed seemed like a blur as soon as they stepped off stage. However, they tried to enjoy each night as good as they could. This area felt like the most important in their lives, so they wanted to take the most of it, they wanted the best memories.

Louis and Harry were sitting together on the couch, they weren't talking, they never really did before a performance. It was like they just need a moment of silence for themselves before they went up there. It never got odd, singing in front of all those people. Though, saying that they stayed in silence is a little bit over-exaggerating. Aside from the cheers coming from the arena, were Liam and Zayn practicing voice exercises. It may be helpful for their stress level, but it was rather just annoying.

"You alright, love?" asked Louis. Another exception from their silence agreement was the nausea that Harry sometimes got before a show. Louis didn't want him to go through that alone.

"I'm fine" Harry smiled at Louis besides him. "And I don't need to throw up if you were planning to ask" added he while he rolled his eyes playfully.

"Did you just roll your eyes at me?"

"Yes, I did. Do you have anything to say?" Harry returned Louis stare and narrowed his eyes challenging. The contest ticked the seconds away and Harry raised his brow at Louis.

Louis sighed and gave up as he saw that Harry wasn't planning to let him to win their little-staring-contest so he stuck with: "I'm glad you're feeling good."

"Thanks," replied Harry, showing his dimples. He jumped happy of the couch, ready to go at stage. He offered an outstretched hand for Louis to take it, only letting him go if they would walk in plain sight, with reluctance though.

They accepted their blue and green mics, holding them tightly just to hold on to something. Last glaces where exchanged before Louis watched the thousands of fans in front of him. "Good evening, Cardiff!" yelled Louis to the crowd and he got a loud respond, the night had begun.

*

They were almost at the end of the set-list as the intro of 'Rock Me' sounded through the speakers. Harry clapped his hands above his head and everyone followed, just like the scene of Queen and We Will Rock You. As Harry started the first verse cheered the crowd only louder by hearing his voice through the microphone. Harry turned his gaze to Louis before singing their line to him: "Oh my, my, they could never shut us down."

Louis smiled at him before he began his own part: the pre-chorus. He knew that he needed to stay focused when he had to sing, he couldn't permit it to forget his lyrics again because of staring too much at Harry. The moment right after he had finished he looked at Harry again, he needed to see him rocking the chorus. It was exciting every time, eyeing Harry being sexy and passionate on stage, but Louis tried to contain himself, he had no other choice but to save it for later.

After the concert was done, they all walked back backstage. The sweat was dripping off everyone's body-parts and for a moment they all seemed to tired to talk. Still, Louis couldn't turn his gaze away from Harry. "Hey, uh, Harry and I were thinking of going out tonight, do any of you guys want to come with?"

Against all his expectations had Harry approached him on stage. He had touched his shoulder and whispered something in his ear. He had sung that specific line to him. It felt like they were rebelling again and Louis liked it. Harry's breath had felt soft and warm as it had stroked over his ear and Louis had kind of wanted to melt into it right there in front of all their fans. Then the touch had disappeared, like it was supposed to.

"Think I'm going to skip the night, too tired" said Niall, rubbing his eyes and yawning to empower his statement. He threw himself on the carpet, like he was going to sleep right there.

"Yeah, me too," answered Zayn. "Feeling a bit sick also."

"Are you alright?" asked Harry concerned, clinging his arms around Louis from behind.

Zayn shrugged, passing a bottle of water to Liam. "If I eat something it'll be fine."

"We'll go to the hotel with the three of us then" announced Liam and it was clear that he wouldn't tolerate it if Zayn would show any resistance. Niall nodded to the ceiling that he agreed.

*

Louis had hung his arm around Harry as they walked together over the streets. They were still a bit drunk due to the left energy from stage. Harry's chuckle sounded loud in the dark of the night. "And you were worried about me, with you're humming during Teenage Dirtbag. I still don't get how you forgot the lyrics." He started to imitate Louis to tease him: "neneneh - I forgot my lyrics, I'm not going to pretend - neneneh..." Harry had to quit mumbling because he was laughing so hard, which was mostly caused by Louis who was poking his stomach. "Stop!" giggled Harry, trying to protect himself.

"Only if you stop laughing at me" replied Louis, pricking Harry with his fingers once more.

"Alright, alright," Harry put his hands in the air as a sign of surrender. But he couldn't help to continue his imitation: "'Neneneh.. my lips starts to shake YEAH!" Just as Louis had done back on stage he screamed now in the alley.

Louis reacted with throttling the sound by putting his hand on Harry's mouth. "Oi, you're making sure we walk around unnoticed right?"

"'M sorry" muffled Harry against Louis' hand and suddenly he felt the urge to lick it.

Louis quickly pulled his hand away. "Hazza, you can't just do stuff like that and expect me to-"

"What?" Harry stared intensely at him.

"To- to" Louis couldn't bring the words out so he just pressed his lips on Harry's, like he had wanted to do all night long. He pushed him against a brick wall, holding him close. Harry groaned at the contact of their lips and let his tong slide in Louis' mouth, while his hand found their way to his bum.

After a good snog they created some space to breath. "Right. Let's go to a party."

*

The bass was pounding, the lights down low, and so many bodies were pressed tightly together as they entered a nearby club. Louis and Harry made their way across the dance floor, easily disguised by all the people around them. To any onlookers, they were just a normal couple, they weren't 2/5 of the world's biggest boy band. In fact, no one even stopped or looked long enough to acknowledge them, everyone was lost in the music or in their own partners.

"I'm going to show you how to take a proper tequila shot," announced Louis as he quickly ordered two shots at the bar. Soon, Harry felt warm breathing on his neck as Louis spread the saliva of his sucked fingers there. He shifted Harry's soft curls out of the way and he took the small saltcellar to sprinkle it on the sticky mess. Subtly, Louis flicks his tongue over the salt, causing a surge of pleasure to travel down Harry's throat and straight to his groin, he let out an satisfied groan in response. Louis smirked as he passed a piece of lemon to Harry. Harry took the slice between his fingers, bringing them to his mouth, until a better idea was formed. He brought the juicy fruit to Louis' lips, feeding it to him. Louis accepted eagerly, swallowing Harry's fingers in a whole, tongue sliding over them.

As Louis noticed how Harry was following every move of his lips, he smirked and took Harry's hand to lead him to the dance-floor. Once there, Louis positioned himself so that his chest was lightly pressed against Harry's. His hands traveled down Harry's face, neck, shoulders, all the way to the small of his back, to grip his waist and pulled him impossibly closer. At the same time, swooping his tongue into Harry's mouth, hot and wet yet gentle and unassuming. Sure enough, with confirmation brighter than the sun, Louis began subconsciously rutting his bum against Harry's length, one arm thrown behind him, his hand secured around Harry's neck. Harry's mouth fell open and he moaned right into Louis' ear. as Louis shivered and goosebumps had erupted on his skin.

Louis rocked his back against Harry's front, while Harry had both of his hands wrapped around Louis' waist, his head tilted down so that he could place kisses on Louis' throat. Louis turned around to face Harry and threaded his arms around his slim waist. Harry's curls were already wild, his pupils impossibly wide, and cheeks flushed with bright red. All they had done was dance and he was gone already. Louis smashed their lips together, licking hotly into Harry's mouth. He massaged their tongues together before sucking Harry's tongue into his mouth, controlling the kiss. He kept a strong hold, trying to memorize every inch of his mouth - like he hadn't already.

Harry shifted his hands down to Louis' bum and squeezed before rolling his hips forward and pulling Louis into him. Louis placed one of his thighs in between Harry's legs as a response and started up their previous rhythm, making sure to push up hard against Harry. Harry's mouth fell open in a silent moan, he dropped his head to Louis' shoulder and bit at his exposed collarbone. His hands were secured tightly on Louis' bum and he started grinding down onto Louis' thigh

When they finally had to pull away to breathe, Louis grabbed Harry by the hand and pulled him urgently out of the club. The cool air hitting his skin felt so good; the heat from the club and the way Harry had been grinding on him was having him close to overheating. He leaned up to whisper into Harry's ear: "You need to find a cab. You need to take me back. And then you need to fuck me."

Harry squeaked at Louis' words but hailed a cab nonetheless. Louis kept himself plastered to Harry's side even as they climb into the cab. As soon as they had given the cabbie the address and the cars set in motion, Louis straddled Harry's lap and grabbed a fistful of curls, tilting his head back. Louis licked and nipped along Harry's lips, but never delved inside like he knew Harry wanted. Instead, he left a trail of open mouthed kisses along Harry's jaw, then licked his way down to Harry's throat. He latched onto one of Harry's collarbones and sucked the skin into his mouth and bit down, giving Harry bruises on his matching birds.

Slowly, Louis started to grind his bum down into Harry's lap, making little figure eights with his hips. Harry's hands fled up to grasp at his waist, trying to still him; but Louis would not be deterred. Louis held onto Harry's shoulders to give himself more leverage, grinding down harder now. "Lou, Lou," Harry whispered urgently. "He's gonna see."

"They'll take care of that, don't worry," he said before sucking marks into his neck again. By the time they finally pulled up to their hotel, Harry was in a right state. His hair was considerably messier, his clothes askew, red and purple marks covering his neck and chest, and completely dazed when he got out of the car. Louis threw money at the cabbie, probably much more than was needed, before molding himself to Harry's back and pushing him towards the door. Harry fumbled with the electric key-card, trying so desperately to get them in the lock.

As Louis got frustrated of his struggles, he hip-checked Harry out of the way and grabbed the key from him. He unlocked the door on the first try. As soon as they made it to the different carpet, Louis closes the door and forced Harry against it. Both of his hands were on either side of Harry's face, keeping him boxed on.

Harry ran his hands under Louis' shirt, pulling the offending article of clothing over his head and tossing it to the floor. Louis' beautiful tattoos were in stark contrast to the golden color of his skin; he was just beautiful.

Louis pressed his mouth against Harry's, slowly moving their lips together then sliding his tongue into harry's mouth. He undid the buttons of Harry's shirt, then pushed it down his shoulders. And then he dropped to his knees.

*

Later, they were cuddling together under the blankets, clothes and everything else forgotten until tomorrow. Harry stroked his fingers softly over Louis' feathery hair and his cheekbone. The look in his eyes was glassy and loving. He smiled, "you know, we should come out."

It felt that right there on that moment, a spell was broken. A emotional bomb was dropped in their sexual-easy-vibe. What he had said did not sound romantic in any way at all to Louis; he shifted away from Harry's touch. "What?"

Harry licked his lips and moved to his back. "Like, it doesn't have to be so difficult. If we make it look like an accident-"

Louis shook his head and then rested his head in his palm. "Harry, you and I both know that that isn't going to happen. Just please stop saying things like this, it's only making it harder."

Harry breathed a bitter laugh, nodding his head. “At least you’re being honest.”

“Just tell me what’s wrong, Harry.”

“I just— I really can’t do it anymore. Like the pretending. I don’t know. It seemed— It seemed like we could handle it at first. But it’s become too much. We’re hardly together anymore.”

“We’re together all the time. We’re together right now. And you’re wasting time being mad at me about things I can’t change.”

Harry stared at him for so long Louis fidgeted. Harry swallowed and cast his gaze down at his hands. “You asked me to explain, so I did,” he said.

“It’ll get easier,” Louis said. “That’s what they said. It just takes time.”

Harry shook his head. “It’s not getting easier though. It’s getting harder,” he said. “Maybe you can’t change it. But I can. I’ve been talking to my mum about, like, me potentially coming out. Maybe next year.” He wasn't being entirely fair, the only scenario in which he wanted to come out was with Louis. But right now he just felt like he had ran out of things to say.

Louis was too drunk for this. “Harry…” He exhaled a breath. “Don’t do this to me, come on.”

Harry’s mouth snapped closed. His lips trembled. “I’m not,” he said, his voice watery. He sat in the center of the bed. Louis hovered just near the door, unable to come any closer. He couldn’t tell if Harry even wanted him to.

“Just because you’re suddenly ready for something, doesn’t mean I am,” Louis said. “Harry, if there are people who already hate us right now for this, what would happen if it was open to the whole world? Once it's out, we can't take it back. I mean, they'll still love you, maybe even more. But me? They'll hate me for it."

"Lou, what are you talking about? They'll still love you. They'll be supportive for us, they've been waiting for something like this to happen. If we come out, we'll encourage a lot of people to accept who they are. Don't you get how much good we could try to bring in the world?"

We’re not the same person, Harry, they never would accept it from each of us, and I don't think that I could... Look, we agreed to this. Together. You don't even know what you're saying. We agreed--”

“I know that,” Harry said. More half sentences. “I just… I change my mind. I don’t want to do this anymore. Not like this. There has to be another way.”

“There’s no other way. We signed contracts.”

“I really can’t anymore,” Harry said, hiccuping. “I feel like I’m losing my mind, Lou. I can’t…”

“Then don’t,” Louis said. He exhaled. “Fuck, let’s not do it anymore.”

Harry’s lips parted, his eyes rounded. “Huh?” he squeaked.

Louis was struggling to keep up with himself, not entirely sure he’d just said what he said. He walked towards the door, walked back, chest heaving. Fuck, he didn’t know what he was saying. "I just- I just need a smoke right now, okay?" He took another step back, grabbed his keys and his cigarettes.

“Are you coming back?” Harry asked, his voice small. He wasn’t even looking at him anymore, like he couldn’t stand to watch Louis walk away.

“Yeah, yeah, I think so. I mean- I don't know. You don't need to wait for me,” Louis said. He grabbed Harry's denim jacket that hung on a nearby chair and he to the door, pretended that he didn’t hear the snob that escaped Harry’s throat, and he left. He was an asshole and he knew it. Every time when Harry tried to talk to him, Louis ignored him. He'd thought that they had grown out of this repeating fights, but apparently he had been wrong.

*

Louis didn't came back until the early morning. Liam was just about to call him to tell him that they we supposed to leave as he approached them on the parklot of their tourbus. He wore the same clothes as before and puffiness eyes, and even though Harry was supposed to be mad at him, he was glad to find him okay. "Where have you been?" asked he.

As answer took Louis something out of the plastic bag he dragged with him and pushed it into Harry's hands, the DVD of Love Actually. He eyed Harry expectantly, waiting for his reaction.

"Why didn't you come back earlier?" asked Harry, ignoring the object in his palm. For Louis it could've been an excuse or maybe an apologize, but for him it wasn't enough.

Louis broke their stare. "I'm sorry that I left you. I needed some time to think."

"And?"

He had no choice but to face him again. "Look, Harry, I fucking hate to say it, but if you want to be in a relationship with me, this is what comes with that. All this shit where we have gone through all this time, was worth it because we could be together. That is what it takes for us. It's a goddamn hugh package and I get if you are tired of carrying it, but it comes along with me. I can't get rid of it, and you can't; it is what it is."

Harry pursed his lips together, he didn't know what to say. Luckily they were interrupted by someone who told them that it was time to leave. "Let's just watch the movie," said Harry and he entered the bus. He interjected the disk in silence while Louis took place next to him without touching him. He couldn't relax until the first halfhour of the movie, when Samuel told his father that he was in love. Seeing how the five-year-old-kid said it so simple like that, made him wondering again why it had to be so difficult for them. Finally, he signed and told Louis that what laid on his stomach. "I get what you're trying to say, and you're right. It just would be nice for the times that I struggle with it, you'd be there for me you know? I don't need to hear all over again about how we're trapped in this hole, sometimes I just need you to tell me that you feel the same. That I'm not alone."

He felt how Louis closed the gap between them. "I'm sorry that I wasn't there for you, I should and I want to. I will be. You're not alone, Harry." He cupped his cheeks. "You're never alone."

Tears watered Harry's eyes. "I love you," he said.

"I love you," answered Louis.