Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

When Jessica Davis thought about her future life, she thought about a house on a quiet, tree-lined street, sprawling oak trees in the backyard providing shade and privacy.

She thought of her and the husband of her dreams curling up in front of the television, binge watching the latest shows and laughing until their stomachs hurt.

She thought of her children making memories on the scuffed hardwood floors, the tiny patter of footsteps turning into stomping and slamming of old doors. She thought of these little humans, once just big enough to peer over the kitchen counter or clamber up onto a stool to help bake cupcakes, and then towering over her, reaching containers she stored out of reach.

She hadn’t thought about those children not biologically being hers, or the years of infertility and pregnancy struggles she would endure for almost two years after she and Justin got married and settled down in an old home in Evergreen.

She hadn’t thought about being a foster parent and only having children temporarily.

She hadn’t thought about maybe never being able to experience the joys of being pregnant like her friends had.

It was her OB/GYN, Dr. Wallman, who suggested foster care, an encouraging smile crossing her face. “I know you and your husband are familiar with the system, and while I am optimistic that we can still explore fertility options for you both to have biological children, the foster system would give you an opportunity to become parents to children who really need a home.”

Jess had initially wanted to stick firmly to getting pregnant by any means necessary. She wasn’t worried about finances - her job as a lawyer would be able to pay for it, and Justin did well as a social worker and could help with any additional finances that came up unexpectedly. She wanted to politely decline, to remind her doctor that she and her husband knew more than anyone how needed foster parents were, but that she didn’t believe she and Justin were in the right place to begin that process.

Until she posed it to Justin one evening as they made dinner, and she watched his eyes light up in anticipation. “Jess, you know how much the foster system and adoption means to me,” he began, setting the table as she stirred in the last of the spices. “It’s not what we thought about when we decided to start a family, and I know Dr. Wallman is optimistic that we can still have kids naturally, but maybe it would be nice to welcome foster kids into our home. And it’s always been in my plans to at least foster a child or two if the finances and our lives allowed. It’s important to me, babe.”

Turning the burner off, Jess turns to grab the serving dish from the cabinet. “I know being adopted saved your life, and I know you work in the foster system daily, but do you really think we could be foster parents? Think realistically,” she says. “It was always a dream of yours, sure, and we talked about it becoming reality down the road, but that was when we were fresh out of college and blinded by the future. Now that we’re here, at the moment we think it’s time to start seriously trying for a family, do you think we’re cut out for that?”

“Do you know the kind of parents I see that are foster parents?” Justin asks, following her around the kitchen. “We would be great foster parents, Jess, and we would be more than capable of being foster parents to someone who needs a stable and loving home more than anything else.”

Jess places their dinner on their serving dish with ease, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. “Do you really think right now is the right time?” she asks, squeezing past him and walking towards the table. “If we keep trying to get pregnant and it doesn’t work, then I’d like to explore IVF. That would be a significant amount of time we’d need to dedicate, and can we realistically do that if we’re fostering a child?”

Justin sinks into his chair at the table, shoulders sagging. “If you don’t want to do it, then we won’t,” he says quietly, reaching for the bowl of rice and dropping a spoonful on his plate. “But we could handle it all. I don’t have any doubts about that. And maybe fostering would be a good way to get our mind off of the stress of trying to get pregnant.”

Jess hands him the serving plate, trading with the rice. “I need time, Justin,” she says after a minute. “I get that you’re so ready to do this, and I get that we have different opinions because you were adopted and I’ve never had experience with that. But I can’t sit here and commit to becoming foster parents at the drop of a hat.”

Justin sets the serving plate down on the table. “Take as much time as you need,” he reassures her, shifting the conversation to their weekend plans and the cookout her parents are having.

Jess is laughing before she knows it, the heavy conversation pushed to the back of her mind.

--

Jess takes three weeks to think about it.

She goes back and forth in her mind daily, looking through message boards and books and all the information she can find late at night, long after Justin fell asleep beside her.

She meets Ani for coffee, the two talking one rainy Saturday afternoon in Monet’s. “I don’t think it’s that you don’t want to be a foster mom,” Ani replies easily, reaching for a sugar packet from the container. “I think it’s that you’re worried Justin will only want to be a foster parent or adopt, and he won’t want to keep trying to have a baby naturally.”

Faced with the truth, Jess stirs her spoon in her coffee. “He has such a connection to fostering and adoption, and I get it. I just… I want to have a baby of our own, and you’re right, maybe we’ll foster and he’ll decide that that’s all he wants to do. How am I supposed to just be okay with that? To come to terms with the fact that his wants have shifted?”

Ani takes a sip of her latte, smiling. “Who’s to say that you won’t feel differently after you foster as well?” she challenges, setting her mug back down on the table. Beside her, a young child clambers up into the chair, reaching for the cake pop from the bag their mother had been holding. “It’s understandable that you want to have your own kids. I’m sure that when most of us think about being parents, we assume they’ll be biologically ours. You know Justin is the same way. But maybe you’ll both see that fostering is the right decision for the time being, and the two of you can still keep biological children on the table when the timing is right.”

Jess tips her head back, sighing. She glances at the little girl beside them, biting back a smile. “Why did you have to go and make things more complicated?”

Ani stifles a laugh, breaking off a piece of lemon bread they bought to split. “Surely you didn’t think I was just going to take your side automatically, did you?” she teases. “We’ve been friends far too long for you to think that.”

Groaning, Jess runs her fingers through her hair. “I guess it wouldn’t hurt to at least explore the option of fostering. We can always put our participation on pause if I get pregnant, or if fostering isn’t for us right now,” she reasons.

Ani allows Jess the time to sort out her thoughts out loud, leaning back against the cushion and sipping her tea.

“And I feel like Justin has given so much of his life to foster care. He was adopted, and it’s not like he kept it a secret from me that he thought about adopting once we started talking about marriage and the future. He’s literally always said he wanted to foster at the very least, but possibly even adopt. This wasn’t something that caught me by surprise.”

Ani hides her smile behind the lip of her mug. “Sounds like you’ve figured this out on your own,” she comments, raising her eyebrows as Jess narrows her eyes.

Breaking off a piece of the lemon bread, Jess pulls her hair up into a bun. “I’m going to tell my husband that we can begin the process to become foster parents,” she announces, laughing as Ani catches her up on her wedding planning and the two talk the afternoon away without a care in the world.

--

Becoming certified foster parents takes six months.

Jess and Justin spend their evenings filling out form after form, running background checks and scheduling social worker visits.

“When I agreed to foster, you didn’t tell me how much paperwork was involved,” Jess sighed one evening, pouring herself a glass of wine. “I get that it’s in the best interest of the kids, but god, babe, don’t you think at some point they don’t need to read the same information on a different form?”

Justin laughs, following her as she joins him back at the dining room table. “If it makes you feel any better, we only have to fill out like, half of these again next year to have our license renewed.”

Setting her wine glass down, Jess’ eyes widen. “You’re telling me these forms aren’t one and done?” she asks. “We go through all of this, and then we do it all again next year?”

“We do,” he nods, signing off on another form, placing it in her pile. “It’s just to keep us certified. A lot of these forms will stay relevant unless we move, and then we’d have to update them,” he explains, digging into the bag of pretzels at his side. “Just don’t worry about that, okay? That’s a whole year away.”

“A whole year for me to forget about these forms and then want to kill you when you bring them back up,” Jess sighs, filling out the other forms and signing her name at the bottom. “What is going to happen after this?”

“After the social worker visits, if we’re approved, we could get a placement almost immediately,” he says. “I don’t know how quick it’ll be, but it doesn’t usually take long.”

Jess nods, watching as Justin scrolls through his phone, turning on a different playlist. “You know, anytime this feels overwhelming, we can just stop and think it over again.”

“I don’t want to stop,” Jess says quietly, reading through another form. “I want to get this done, and I want to be certified, and I want to forget about how tedious this entire process is until it’s time to be re-certified again.”

Justin laughs beside her, standing and grabbing himself a drink. “Then let’s keep going, and this time without Clay’s corny playlist he made on my phone when we went out last week.”

Jess sets her pen down, reaching her hand out and holding Justin’s chin in her hand. “I love you, Justin Foley,” she says, closing the space between them and kissing him softly. “I hope you know how much I love you.”

“I love you more than anything,” he mumbles, kissing her again as the wine taste tickles his tongue. He pulls back, brushing her fingers through his hair and sliding his thumb over her jaw, unable to stop the smile curling at the corners of his mouth.

They laugh and sing through their playlist as they finish the paperwork, and as they file everything back in order and place it back in the pile to submit the following morning, they dance around their living room as if they’re back spending long weekends in each other’s college dorm rooms.

--

Sitting on the back patio of Matt and Lainie’s house, Jess stares at the outhouse and twirls her wine glass between her fingers. Their social worker visit, the final hurdle to becoming certified foster parents, was the following morning, and to put it lightly, Jess was on edge.

“What was it like for you guys?” she asks, breaking the comfortable silence between her and Lainie as Matt and Justin work on finishing dinner in the kitchen. “When you met with the social worker before they recommended Justin’s adoption, what sort of questions did they ask you?”

Lainie smiles, setting her wine glass back down on the frosted glass of the table. “They asked us how Justin was adjusting to our home, and why we wanted to adopt him,” she says calmly. “Jessica, I understand your nerves. I spent the entire morning before Justin’s social worker arrived rearranging food and flowers on the table, and in the end she stayed in the dining room and was in and out in just over an hour.”

Jess laughs, shaking her head. “I know I’m blowing things out of proportion, but I can’t help but worry that somehow I’m going to mess this up,” she admits. “I’m sure you know how excited Justin is for this opportunity, how much he wants to be a foster parent, and I don’t want to be the reason something goes wrong.”

Lainie looks at her sideways, tilting her head to the side. “Jessica, honey, Justin just wants you to be happy more than anything in the world,” Lainie reassures her, glancing through the back window and into the kitchen, where Matt and Justin are laughing as they move through the confined space with ease. “If for some reason you guys are not accepted, which I don’t even think is in the realm of possibilities, Justin won’t resent you or anything you think you did.”

“No, I know,” Jess nods. She lazily ties her hair in a braid, dragging her fingers through it to pull it free. “I guess I just don’t want to be the reason this doesn’t work out.”

Lainie reaches across, resting her hand on Jess’ forearm. “Jessica, do you want to be a foster parent?” she asks gently. “I understand you guys are in the final stages, but are you doing this because you know it’s what Justin wants? It’s important that you take your own feelings into consideration.”

Jessica breaks her gaze from Lainie, staring at the sycamore tree in the corner of the yard. The leaves sway in the light breeze, branches knocking and rustling as Jess adjusts her jacket. “I want to be a foster parent,” she says, but she’s aware it sounds like she’s trying to convince herself. “I wasn’t sure about it at first, but we’re having a hard time getting pregnant, and I want to be a mom, or a mother figure, more than anything. I know we’re young, but I want to do it now that Justin and I have our careers established.”

When she plucks up the courage to look back at Lainie, she finds she’s smiling. “I think you’re going to be an excellent mother, whether these children are biologically yours or not,” she says softly, retracting her hand. “And who knows, maybe you’ll be so preoccupied taking care of whatever kid is placed with you that you’ll get pregnant in the end. The second Matt and I stopped obsessively trying to figure out how to eliminate stress and get pregnant is when I found out I was expecting Clay.”

Jess smiles, feeling the stress she’d been holding in her shoulders relax. “So, what kinds of things will they ask me?”

Lainie sighs. “They’ll probably ask you about Justin’s past drug use and if you believe it’ll be an issue in the future if things are stressful.”

“Do you think people say they’re worried about that so they don’t get recommended? Like if they didn’t agree with their spouse, they just say that they’re worried about how they’ll handle the stress.”

Lainie can’t hide her laugh, reaching for her wine glass. “I suppose it’s possible, but I don’t think that’s quite the best way to admit to your spouse that you don’t actually want to be a foster parent,” she says with a smile. “I’d hope that you talked about it at length before you got to the social worker stage.”

Jess laughs. “Trust me, we’ve talked about it at length. I would never back out now,” she assures her. “Besides, anyone who makes it through the mountain of paperwork and then backs out at the home stretch needs to be examined for an entirely different reason.”

Lainie laughs loudly, glancing over her shoulder when she hears the door open and two of her boys appear. “Don’t listen to whatever Matt tells you, I absolutely helped,” Justin declares, holding a dish in each hand as he sets them down in the center of the table.

Matt trails behind, setting the roast in the center, his eyes crinkling at Justin’s statement. “While it was nice to have his company in the kitchen again, Justin’s skills haven’t changed. He mostly helped get everything out of the oven and onto plates, and has very little to do with the preparation.”

“I’d consider what he did helping, love,” Lainie smiles, and as Jess watches Lainie look at this boy who isn’t biologically hers with such love and admiration, she gives herself a moment to think about being in her place in the future.

She’s starting to be able to picture it, and it fills her stomach with butterflies and her heart with warmth.

--

Just as Lainie warned, the social worker, Melanie, has questions about Justin’s past drug use.

After an introductory interview with Justin and Jess together, he had prepared himself for the prying of information, the explanations that would need to come when he did his solo interview. He’s asked the same questions of prospective foster parents before, and delved into it deeper with biological parents who were doing everything they could to get their children back.

“While I understand it’s probably concerning to see that I’ve listed my past drug abuse, I assure you that I’ve been clean almost ten years, and I actively attend meetings and speak with my sponsor as needed,” he says confidently, smiling politely when Melanie nods, writing down in her notebook.

“What made you and your wife decide to foster children?” Melanie asks, setting her pen down and looking across the dining room table. “I know you’re a social worker, but I can assume that you seeing these situations firsthand isn’t what swung the decision.”

Justin smiles. “While I wasn’t a traditional foster child in the way these children are, I can confidently say that being adopted saved my life,” he begins, resting his hands on the table. “I know that fostering doesn’t automatically lead to adoption, but if we were able to give these kids a safe place to stay and nurture them in ways they may have never had before, we would feel like the luckiest couple in the world.”

Melanie smiles, shaking his hand as he walks back to the kitchen to let Jess have her turn. “You’re going to be fine,” he assures her, kissing the side of her head. “Melanie is great, there’s no reason to be nervous.”

Jess turns her head, catching Justin’s lips for a quick kiss. “I love you,” she mumbles, smoothing out the hem of her dress and walking out to their dining room, smiling and shaking Melanie’s hand.

They begin with pleasantries, Jess talking about their desire to foster as her heart slows down and she no longer feels as anxious as she once did.

“My husband was adopted, and I’ve always known that this would be something he would want to do, even before we formally had the discussion,” she says with a smile, tucking a lock of hair behind her ear. “Helping children who need love and care that they may not necessarily have currently has always been so close to both of our hearts, but especially Justin’s.”

Melanie glances up from her notebook, a kind smile on her face. “Did you know Justin when he was adopted?”

“I did,” Jess nods, the memories of high school flooding back. She folds her hands on the table, looking directly into Melanie’s hazel eyes, her blonde hair falling into her face. “Justin and I were dating when he was adopted, but we broke up and found our ways back to each other in college. So I’ve known for a while and had plenty of time to prepare for the thought of being foster parents.”

Melanie nods, smiling. “It’s refreshing to see how on board both parents are. And certainly having the emotional connection to fostering and adoption aids this tedious process. I’m sure this hasn’t necessarily been the easiest of journeys.”

“I guess I just wasn’t expecting as much paperwork as there is,” Jess admits with a laugh, her chest warming when Melanie laughs and nods in agreement.

“It’s all necessary, but it’s definitely the one thing I get the most shock from when I speak to prospective parents,” she agrees.

“I have to just ask one more question,” Melanie says after they had spoken about a few other topics. “I know it’s documented that your husband is a recovering addict. Do you see that being a problem in the future? Fostering isn’t necessarily the easiest, and there are bound to be stressful moments.”

Jess pauses, smiling. “My husband has been sober almost ten years, and he’s been through plenty of stressful moments since then. I have no worry about his sobriety, and I know that if he ever felt like he was going to relapse, he would adjust his current plan by going to more meetings, meet with his sponsor more often, and involve his family more to hold him accountable,” she explains. “We have a great support system around us, and there’s no doubt in my mind that if there’s someone more prepared for fostering between us, it’s absolutely Justin.”

Melanie lets a smile cross her face, closing her notebook and standing to gather her things. “It was such a joy to get to know both you and Justin more this afternoon,” Melanie says, shaking Jess’ hand.

“Before Justin joins us, could I just ask what you think our chances are of being recommended?” Jess asks softly, glancing towards the kitchen. “I understand if you don’t know or can’t say, but if you could even give us a timeline on when we’d hear back. I just like to be prepared.”

Melanie places her things back into her bag, looking back at Jessica. “While I can’t say exactly what will happen, you should hear back within the next few weeks,” she says, tossing her bag over her shoulder. “But Jessica, I can say that I believe you and Justin have absolutely nothing to worry about.”

Jess nods, smiling and thanking her as they both lead her to the door, bidding her goodbye. Justin waits until the door shuts before pulling Jess against him, kissing the top of her head. “I think that went really well,” he says quietly, pressing his face to her hair.

Jess wraps her arms around his middle, smiling. “I’m really happy with how that went,” she agrees, and as they make their way back to the kitchen to begin cleaning up, Justin turns on a playlist and they dance around the room, laughing as the nervousness and tension has finally dissipated.

--

Justin and Jess preoccupy their time waiting for the decision by focusing on their work. Justin meets with families and reunites kids with their parents day after day. Jess takes on a new case and delves into the background work, thankful for the versatility in what she once thought was a sleepy town of Evergreen.

They go out on more date nights, spend weekends around Northern California, and savor their time as a couple before they hope their lives change.

So when Jess wakes up feeling sluggish and sick to her stomach for what feels like the millionth time in the last few weeks, she’s grateful that she can at least pinpoint why she feels like that this time.

They’d just returned from a weekend by the sea, eating at seafood restaurants and sightseeing. She’d eaten more than her fair share of exotic seafood, her stomach queasy at the thought of the sea urchin she tried off Justin’s plate the night before.

She calls out of work, spends the morning cleaning the living room and throwing their clothes in the wash, and has a nagging feeling in the back of her mind that this isn’t just food poisoning or a queasy feeling after eating sea urchin. Quickly doing the math, she feels her stomach drop and excitement slowly beginning to sink in.

She walks back up to their bedroom, pulls three pregnancy tests from their bathroom cabinet, takes them, and begins the agonizing wait for the results. She paces in front of the vanity of their bathroom, hands shaking and mind racing as the minutes drag on. She scrolls through social media, replies to a few texts, and when the alarm goes off, she takes a deep breath and braces herself.

Positive.

+

Pregnant.

Falling to her knees in front of the toilet, Jessica finally gets sick.

--

Justin prided himself on being even-keeled in stressful situations.

His therapist attributed it to the trauma he endured throughout his childhood, citing that he never freaks out in stressful situations because he never lived in a safe, stable, and loving home until he was 17.

When Jess texts him asking if he can come home at lunch, he tries not to work himself up. He reminds himself that if it were something serious, or she was feeling worse than she did that morning, she would’ve asked him to come home immediately.

He finishes up with new paperwork, schedules home visits and time with counselors for some of his clients, and grabs his things, taking lunch quietly.

He doesn’t expect to find Jess pacing their first floor, hand tracing on the banister as he opens the front door. “You should be resting, shouldn’t you?” he asks, setting his bag on the bench and shutting the door behind him. “Are you feeling worse?”

Jess stops abruptly, looking at him. “I’m… I don’t know,” she decides after a moment, crossing her arms over her chest. “I need you to go upstairs to our bathroom and tell me what you see on the counter.”

Furrowing his brow, Justin looks at her quizzically before toeing off his shoes at the base of the staircase and walking up the stairs.

Jess holds onto the banister, chewing on a hangnail as her heart hammers beneath her sternum, her cheeks flushed and her breathing similar to if she had just run a mile.

She listens to Justin’s footsteps get further away, stop, and then speed up to run back to the top of the steps.

“Holy shit,” he announces, eyes wide and the three pregnancy tests in his hand. “Jess, what the fuck? This isn’t a joke, is it?” he asks, walking down the steps.

“This is definitely not a joke,” Jess says quietly, swallowing the shakiness in her voice. “I took all three at the same time, but they can’t all be wrong, can they?”

Justin stops beside her, kissing her temple softly. “I think we need to make an appointment with Dr. Wallman and find out for sure,” he says quietly, reaching forward to brush a piece of hair away from her face. “But no, I’d be surprised if all three were wrong. And we’d be throwing out the rest of the tests left under the sink if that were the case.”

Jess wipes her palms on her leggings, nodding. “Okay, so I make an appointment now and see if we can get this confirmed,” she says, walking back to the kitchen to grab her phone off the island. Her fingers scroll through her contact, pausing before she hits the call button. “What do we do if this is real? If I’m really pregnant?”

Justin, who’d been rifling through the fridge in search of something to make for lunch for the two of them, turns back with a quizzical look. “What do you mean what do we do?” he asks. “We’ve been trying for a baby for almost two years. Obviously we’d be excited about this, right?”

“Well I mean, yeah,” Jess nods, pulling the chair out to sit down. “But we should hear back about our foster care status any day now, and we worked so hard and put so much effort into that.”

Justin sets the leftover pasta on the counter, sighing. Jess watches him chew his lip, turning back to the microwave, and then leaning his elbow on the counter. “I still want to be a foster parent. That’s always been something I’ve wanted, you know that,” he begins carefully, and Jess can hear the apprehensiveness in his voice. “There’s no rule that you can’t be pregnant while fostering, but I’ll leave it up to you. If this is something you want to put off, then we put fostering on hold and redo the certification when we feel we’re more ready.”

There’s a flutter of uncertainty flowing through Jess. She’d spent so many nights reading about foster care and the types of children they may be taking care of, and her heart broke. She felt the need to save all of them, to pull them out of dire situations and give them a home that was stable and loving and everything they probably never had.

But she’d also wanted to have their own biological child. She wanted to experience pregnancy in the ways her friends had, she wanted to focus on each stage and the flutter in her belly and even the birth when she would get to hold her baby in her arms for the first time. And it was becoming increasingly obvious that while she could have both, and desired them both in different ways, she had never meant to have it happen at the same time.

“If these tests are right, if I’m really pregnant, then I’d like to ask Dr. Wallman her opinion,” Jess says, standing and retrieving the pasta from the microwave. “I want to be able to do both, and as long as she agrees we’ll be fine, then I want to do it.”

Justin smiles, handing Jess a fork. “Then let’s take this one step at a time,” he says quietly. “We find out if you’re pregnant, and then we worry about the fostering process,” he assures her, kissing her head as they share lunch together.

--

The first appointment Jess could get was in three days, and Justin cleared his schedule to be there.

The pair sit in the waiting room anxiously, and as Jess steps away to undergo the normal tests and slips into the private bathroom, Justin settles in in the exam room, waiting for his wife patiently, his excitement palpable.

She sits on the exam table under the harsh fluorescent lights with sweaty palms and her heart in her throat, the wait even more agonizing for these pregnancy test results. She listens to Justin answering emails, plays a stupid game to make the minutes go faster, and texts Ani memes she finds on Twitter to distract her brain of thinking about the worst.

When Dr. Wallman walks in with a smile on her face, she can feel the cautious optimism begin to flow through her body. “Well, Jessica, you are most definitely pregnant,” she says, setting the file down on the counter. “You’re about seven weeks along. Your tests look great, you’re doing well. We’re going to send you for some blood tests just so we have a baseline, but that’s all standard procedure. I take it this pregnancy was a surprise?”

“We weren’t not trying,” Jess says, ducking her head. “We’ve been trying for a while, as you know. But we began the process to become licensed foster parents, so that was taking up most of our time.”

Dr. Wallman raises her eyebrows. “How is that going? Have you two been certified?”

“We’re just waiting to hear our status any day now,” she says. Swinging her legs off the end of the exam table, Jess blows out a breath. “Would being pregnant and fostering be a bad combination? Or would I be okay to be a foster mom while I’m pregnant?”

Looking at her sideways, Dr. Wallman smiles. “Jessica, while it’s a little too early to determine how this pregnancy will go, your results are great right now. There’s no reason why you couldn’t handle being a foster mom while you’re pregnant. If something happens and you for some reason become high-risk, we can re-evaluate at that point,” she says easily. “For now, be the best first mom you can be to children who need it the most.”

Justin can barely contain his excitement, thanking Dr. Wallman as they stop at the front desk to make their next appointment, walking out hand in hand.

Justin waits until they’re both in the car before looking at her, his smile spreading from ear to ear. “Holy shit, we’re actually having a baby,” he whispers, instinctively reaching out to rest his hand on her belly.

“You’re fully aware that there’s nothing there, right? You can’t even tell I’m pregnant yet,” Jess reminds him with a smile, shaking her head. “We’re actually having our own baby, and we were given the okay to be foster parents. This is like, the best day we’ve had in a long time.”

“Probably since we signed the papers for our house,” he smiles. “But I have to tell you, Melanie called us while we were in the appointment. I texted her and told her that we were at an appointment and we’d call her back. Do you want to do that now?”

Readjusting her purse on her lap, Jess takes a breath and nods. She reaches out, squeezing her hand with his. “Let’s do it.”

Melanie answers on the third ring, voice cheery and her greeting bright. “I’m sorry, but I don’t have much time,” she begins, and in the background Justin and Jess can hear rustling. “I just got word that you’ve been approved to become licensed foster parents. They’re finalizing the paperwork right now, but we do actually have a placement for you guys.”

Jess’ eyes widen, looking over to Justin in shock.

“It’s two kids, a brother and a sister. The boy is 16, the girl is 6. Taken out of their father’s custody after an argument at home that turned physical. They’d be in your care in two days. Are you guys ready?”

Justin looks to Jess, who looks as if she’s seen a ghost. “Are we ready?” he asks quietly, waiting patiently for Jess to think about it.

Shrugging, she squeezes his hand and nods. “Let’s do it,” she whispers, laughing when Justin looks even more excited than she feels.

“We’re absolutely ready. Just let us know what time we can expect you guys. I can pick up the information tomorrow when I’m back at the office.”

They say their goodbyes, and Justin waits until the call clears before leaning across the console and grabbing Jess in his arms. “Holy shit, this is the most insane day ever,” he laughs. “You’re pregnant, and we’re getting our first placement!”

Jess laughs, leaning back to kiss him. “I can’t believe this,” she whispers, holding his face between her hands. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

“I love you more,” he whispers, brushing her hair back and kissing her. “Let the adventure begin.”

Chapter Text

Jessica’s childhood bedrooms had been outfitted with the bare minimum.

By the time she was 16, when her father promised that this was his last transfer until she graduated high school, Jess had lived in 9 different states, constantly becoming the new kid in school.

Her bedrooms consisted of paintings she had done in art class she had wanted to keep, her mother framing them and delicately wrapping each one in newspaper at the beginning of each move.

There were photos of her friend groups from each city, sun-kissed cheeks and dripping popsicles from summers with her friends in Florida, bundled up and red-nosed laughter in the middle of a blizzard in upstate New York, a group of girls on a hay bale at the fall festival in Texas.

Jess treasured each photo, each little memory she had in each state, even if she rarely spoke to those girls anymore.

When it came to outfitting their two spare bedrooms to fit a 6 year old girl and a 16 year old boy, Jess had gleefully declared that she wanted to decorate the 6 year old’s bedroom.

“We can’t make it too specific, we don’t know what they like, and they won’t be with us forever,” Justin reminded her carefully, one hand on the small of her back as they walked into IKEA. Jess had rallied after a morning of feeling horrible, insisting that they needed to at least go get beds and a dresser today, and she wanted to be part of that. “We can buy some decorations, but if you want to make it more personalized, maybe you could take her to pick something special out.”

At the end of the trip, Jess ends up with generic posters and decorations to hang in both rooms, watching as Justin lifts both beds and dressers into the back of their car, squeezing them in perfectly.

“I dread the day you have to start decorating a nursery,” he mumbles, wiping his shirt over his face. “You’ll get to really personalize that, and I’m afraid that we’ll have to make more than one trip here.”

Setting her phone in her lap, Jess smiles. “Sorry, I’m just excited to really decorate a room. The only one I got to decorate was the one here, and I was 16. I just want our kids to feel like they can decorate and they have a safe space.”

Justin navigates through the parking lot, stopping at the red light. “I know,” he mumbles, smiling. “I get it. We want to give these kids, and eventually our own little ones, more stable childhoods than what we had. And I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that.”

Jess reaches for the radio, flipping through the channels. “I won’t go overboard, at least not initially,” she says with a smile. “Besides, it might be fun once we get into a routine and we know these two kids are with us for more than a few weeks, to let them pick out some decorations. Make the rooms more of their own.”

Justin agrees, and as the two of them make it back home and Justin enlists the help of Clay to put together the furniture, Jess and Clay’s wife Naomi sit in the kitchen putting the snacks away and cleaning everything once more.

“I can’t believe the two of you are going to be parents to two kids by tomorrow morning,” Clay smiles, looking up from where he had been putting together a dresser. “I mean, you’re going to be great at it, it’s just that it happened so quickly that it’s kind of insane it’s already here with so little time to prepare.”

Pushing his hand through his hair, Justin smiles. “Because I didn’t give you nine months like you gave all of us with Hudson?” he asks, reaching for the instructions. “We knew this was going to be a quick process, but honestly, I didn’t think it’d be this quick.”

He hears Clay sigh in frustration, reading through the instructions again. “I didn’t think it’d be this quick, either. But besides this extremely frustrating furniture the two of you thought was best, this is really exciting. And Hudson will be excited to have kids to play with.”

At four years old, Hudson had been the first grandchild on Clay’s side of the family. Justin was excited to add to the group, but as their pregnancy issues lingered and their excitement quickly diminished, he worried that Hudson would be too old to be excited about a cousin he could hang out with by the time they did finally welcome home.

Now, as he sits here putting together furniture for the foster kids knowing that his wife is pregnant with their first biological child, he can’t help but be excited at what the future is going to be for both of them.

--

It takes Justin and Clay three hours to put all of the furniture together. The girls watch, offering minimal help and laughing at their husbands’ frustration at the entire situation, and hang up the final photos when the rooms are finally put together.

Maybe it’s an impulse decision, maybe Jess feels compelled to share this news so it’s not just her and Justin holding it for themselves, but she reaches across the lounge chair on their back patio where they had all been spending time and grabs Justin’s hand, squeezing.

“Before our lives turn to chaos and we’re not sure when we’ll have time like this again, Justin and I want to tell you something,” she begins, looking at Justin. “I’m pregnant.”

Naomi’s eyes widen, a smile spreading across her face. “No way,” she says with a laugh, shaking her head. “Jess, that’s amazing!”

“You’ve always had incredible timing, Justin,” Clay laughs. “But congrats, guys, we’re so happy for you, and happy that Hudson will finally have a little cousin he can hang out and play with.”

Jess leans back, breathing a sigh of relief. “We’re going to hold off on telling the friend group for a while, at least until I make it out of the first trimester, but we wanted you two to be the first people we told.”

“So your parents don’t know yet?” Naomi asks. “Matt and Lainie are going to die with excitement. And this will be your parents first grandchild, so they’ll be freaking out as well.”

Jess reaches for her iced tea, nodding. “We’ll tell them soon, and then we’ll wait for everyone else,” she decides, brushing her thumb against the side of Justin’s hand.

She welcomes the easy conversation of pregnancy and what to expect, and by the time Clay and Naomi get up to leave and pick Hudson up from Matt and Lainie’s, Jess can’t hide the excitement brimming about the prospect of going through pregnancy with her husband.

--

Telling their parents goes exactly how they thought it would. Matt and Lainie are overjoyed, hugging both of them excitedly as Lainie tells Jess what helped her through morning sickness and the rest of her pregnancy. Matt pulls Justin for a hug, and his beaming smile is enough for Justin, who can’t help but get emotional when Matt tells him that he is going to be the most incredible dad to their baby.

Jess’ parents scream over FaceTime, and Jess both laughs and cries as the screen lags and they ask for a million details and plans and how Jess is feeling. Jess answers them all through laughter, leaning into Justin’s side as they curl up on the couch, their last night alone quickly flying by.

“Are you two still planning to be foster parents in the future? I’m talking about after the kids you’ll have tomorrow,” her mom asks, inquisitive and innocent.

Jess doesn’t hesitate, nodding as she readjusts her laptop on Justin’s lap. “We’re going to welcome the two kids tomorrow, and then take it placement by placement. We don’t know how long these kids will be with us, but if I’m still feeling okay and being pregnant isn’t an issue with any foster placement, we’re going to keep doing it.”

They answer more questions, catching up and making promises to see each other in person soon, and when they hang up, Justin pulls Jess in and kisses the top of her head. “Can you believe tomorrow our worlds are going to change?” he asks quietly.

Jess traces her fingers over his abdomen, shaking her head. “No, but I’m so glad I get to do this with you.”

--

Melanie arrives with a bright smile and two kids standing behind her. The teenager is tall and muscular, short brown hair swept to the side. Justin notices a bruise along his jaw, his guarded stance telling more than Justin thinks words could. The teen holds a duffel bag on his shoulder and one in his hand, his free hand grasped tightly in his little sister’s.

The little girl has chestnut brown ringlet curls and the brightest blue eyes Jess thinks she’s ever seen, her top two front teeth missing when she smiles at both of them as they usher them inside.

“Jessica, Justin, this is Carter and Willow,” Melanie smiles, following Jess and Justin to the kitchen. “Carter and Willow, this is Justin and Jessica, your new foster parents.”

Jess smiles, shaking both of their hands. “Would you guys like a snack? You’re more than welcome to anything, and you guys can go watch TV while we talk to Melanie, if you want,” Jess says, leading them to the pantry so they can both pick a snack.

“Come on, Willow,” Carter says quietly after they’ve picked out snacks, taking her hand once more and following Justin to the living room so they can turn on the TV.

When Justin returns, he joins Melanie and Jess at the island as Melanie places a file in front of the two of them. “Carter is 16 and a junior at Liberty. Willow is 6 and in first grade at Evergreen Elementary,” she begins. “Their dad has had some drug and alcohol issues in the past, although this isn’t what stemmed the removal. Their mother left about a year ago. She signed over parental rights, so staying with her isn’t an option, and they don’t have any other biological family that are in the position to take care of them.”

She takes a breath, reaching for her water. “I know you noticed the bruise on Carter’s jaw, but I want to reassure you that both kids were assessed by medics when removed from the home, and they’re both fine. We’re hoping this stay is temporary, but obviously, it’ll depend on how their father does in his journey to proving he’s a stable parent for them.”

Justin is reminded of nights in his mother’s care. He was Willow’s age when he really began to grasp the concept of his mother’s addiction, coming home to find needles in her arm or her high on drugs her boyfriends would bring over. He remembers how scared he was, how he had to learn to fend for himself by making dinner in the microwave or eating cold, expired leftovers at the back of the fridge.

For as heartbreaking as it was to know that these two kids were taken from their parents, he wishes someone had stepped in when he was Willow’s age to save him from the heartbreak and turmoil he went through for the first 16 years of his life.

“Their last placement wasn’t able to have both of them, and the one request Carter has made is that he’s not separated from his sister. If at all possible, we’d like to accommodate that,” Melanie continues.

Jess flips through the file full of information. “That makes sense,” she says idly, pulling her bottom lip between her teeth. “We’re more than capable of having them here for as long as needed.”

“I’ll check in in a few days. The kids are enrolled in school, they just didn’t go today as we were moving their foster homes. Their teachers were notified, so it shouldn’t be an issue,” Melanie rattles off, packing her things away. “If you need anything at all, please don’t hesitate to call me.”

Jess and Justin follow her through to the living room, where Carter and Willow sat watching Disney Channel, Willow tucked under Carter’s arm.

“Guys, I’m going to go, okay? You have my number if you need me, but you’re going to like Jessica and Justin,” Melanie says, saying her goodbyes before Jess leads her to the door.

Justin remembers when he was 9 and placed in emergency care after his mother was arrested. The woman smelled like moth balls and had the oldest sofa Justin thinks he ever saw, delicate lace doilies covering the coffee table in front of him. He spent both days sitting rigid in front of the woman, who told him to call her Miss Jones and fed him at exact times of the day, frowning when he would ask if she had anything he could have as a snack.

He always wondered why she was a foster parent, and if she wanted to bring kids into her house, why she wasn’t nicer to them. But now, standing there long after Melanie’s pulled away, he isn’t sure where to go next.

“Hey guys, did you want some lunch or see your rooms?” Jess asks with a smile, saving Justin from the potential awkward conversation he was trying to think about having.

Willow turns around, fingers pinching her bottom lip. “Do we get our own rooms?” she asks quietly, turning to lean on her knees as she rests her free hand on the back of the couch.

Jess smiles, nodding. “You do,” she says. “They’re right next to each other, but you each get your own space.”

Nodding, Willow looks at Carter. “Can I go see the room?”

Carter glances at her, shutting the TV off. “Sure, if you want,” he nods, standing up from the sofa and extending his hand for Willow to take.

Justin steps aside, waiting until they’re past him before following them upstairs. Standing in the doorway of Willow’s room, he smiles as she walks around and touches the white desk under the window, the little notebook that Jess picked out sitting in the center. She walks over to the double bed, running her hands over the creme bedspread, and looks back to Jess.

“This is a big bed,” she mumbles, but there’s a ghost of a smile on the corner of her face and she toes off her shoes slowly, carefully climbing on.

“Do you like it?” Jess asks, sitting on the corner and spreading her hand over the bedspread as she looks at her.

“I love it,” she nods, leaning back against the decorative pillows and smiling. “Carter, did you see how big my bed is here?”

Carter steps forward, sitting next to her. “It’s a pretty big bed, you’re right. But you’re comfortable?”

Willow nods, stretching her hands above her. “Yeah, I am,” she smiles. “Let’s go see your room!”

“It’s just to the left,” Justin says with a smile, stepping out of the way and allowing both of them to walk to Carter’s room.

It’s almost identical, just with natural wood furniture instead of white furniture. Willow mimics what she did in her own room, tiny fingers running across the dresser and then over the footboard, a smile on her face. “It looks like mine, Carter. Do you like it?”

“It’s nice, yeah,” Carter nods. “Thank you. You didn’t have to do all of this, we would’ve been fine sharing, or with smaller beds or whatever.”

Jess smiles, sitting down in the desk chair. “You both deserve your own spaces, but we thought you’d probably want to be near each other,” she explains. “Our room is just at the end of the hall if you need us in the night. Our door is always open, no matter what time it is.”

Watching both of them nod, Jess stands up. “Are you up for some lunch?”

Willow glances at Carter, who nods. “Come on, Willow, you barely ate any food at breakfast. Let’s go get something to eat.”

“Okay,” she nods, taking his hand again as they walk back downstairs and sit at the kitchen table.

Despite the quiet conversation at lunch where Carter does most of the talking and is clearly protective of his sister, Jess feels oddly confident that things are okay and the adjustment period won’t be as horrible as she’s read about.

--

As it turns out, Jess let herself get her too confident too soon.

Bedtime is a totally different beast. Carter, who had been going with the flow the entire time, isn’t as cooperative. It sets Willow off, who is defiant and insists that she’s never had a bedtime before, and she doesn’t need one now.

Jess laid in bed with Willow for a while, reading books from the bookshelf and willing the little girl to sleep, who had been insistent that she wasn’t tired and didn’t need to go to bed. Jess took a breath, swallowed the sick feeling in her stomach, and relented the control to Justin, who took over reading another chapter and playing with Willow’s curls in the same way Lainie would play with his hair when he was stressed out or didn’t feel well.

“Would a glass of water help, Willow?” he asks gently when he realizes reading is going nowhere, unsurprised when she shakes her head and rubs at her eyes.

“I can take over,” Carter says, announcing his presence in the doorway. “She’s always been a handful to get to sleep, and it gets worse when we’re in a new place.”

Hesitating, Justin sits up and runs his hand through his hair. “It’s not your responsibility to get her to sleep,” he says weakly.

Carter shrugs, stepping into the room and sitting on the opposite side of the bed. “No, but you’re a stranger, and she’s 6. She’s not like… it’s just easier if I do it, at least for tonight. As soon as she’s asleep I’ll go back to my room.”

The guilt flowed through Justin as he nodded and stood up, hovering in the doorway. “We’ll be in our room if you need us. Please don’t do this alone if it’s overwhelming.”

“It won’t be,” Carter says quickly, shifting his attention solely to Willow. “This is a pretty cool book, Wills. Charlotte’s Web is funny, and there’s a movie. Maybe when you finish reading it with Jessica or Justin, we’ll be able to watch it.”

Willow sniffles, using her palms to push her hair back away from her face, and looks up at her brother. “Will you watch it with us?”

Justin stands out of view from the pair, listening to Carter’s quiet conversation with his sister.

“Yeah, of course,” he nods. “But you have to sleep now, Wills. Okay? You’re going to school tomorrow, and you’ll see all of your friends. And then I’ll come pick you up and we’ll come back here and we can hang out, okay?”

Willow presses her head against his collarbone. “Will you help me with my homework?”

Carter splays his hand across his sister’s back, smiling. “Sure, kid. Whatever you want,” he nods.

There’s a brief moment of silence, the book long forgotten about between the two of them. Justin watches, crossing his arms over his chest, and almost steps away when Willow’s voice floats across the room.

“I want to go home, Carter,” she whispers, voice whiny and thick with tears.

Justin feels his heart shatter, the distant memories of when he was a child in emergency placements flooding back to him. He wants to step in, to tell them that they have nothing to be worried about and they are working hard to get them home, but resists the urge as Jess comes to stand beside him.

Carter tilts his sister’s head back, using the pad of his thumb to brush away his tears. “I do, too,” he admits, voice quiet. “But we can’t go back until they say it’s okay. I’ll always be with you, and Justin and Jessica are nice, right? You like them and being here?”

Willow sniffles. “I guess so,” she nods, her bottom lip wobbling. “I like them, but I miss Daddy.”

There’s a beat of silence, and Justin can hear Carter take a deep breath. “Maybe we can see him soon,” is all he says, and then swiftly changes the subject. “I’ll lay here until you fall asleep, but you gotta sleep, kid, okay?”

Nodding, Willow buries herself under the blanket and closes her eyes, her breathing evening out as she finally drifts off to sleep.

“Did we bite off more than we can chew?” Jess asks when they’re safely back in their own bedroom, not wanting Carter to catch them on their way out.

Justin begins unmaking his side of the bed, shaking his head. “No, we are doing exactly what we were meant to do,” he says carefully. “I don’t think we thought this was going to go perfectly.”

“I guess not,” Jess concedes, taking the decorative pillows off her side. “I’m going to go make tea. Do you want some?”

Nodding, Justin grabs his phone from his bedside table, following her downstairs.

--

In the quiet evening sitting out on the back patio, Justin listens to the crickets chirp and the bushes rustle in the wind. He felt exhausted by the first night, only slightly comforted that Willow was asleep and Carter seemed comfortable in his own room.

He leaned forward, twirling his phone between his thumb and middle finger, and knew he needed to distract his mind.

Clay picks up on the fourth ring, TV on in the background. “I didn’t think I’d hear from you today,” he says, and Justin can hear him shuffling, the background noise transitioning to quiet. “You okay?”

“Do you think I’m a complete idiot for thinking we could handle two kids at once on our first placement?” he asks, standing up from the chair and walking back and forth across the old, creaky deck.

He’s used to Clay thinking he’s asking absurd questions, but it doesn’t comfort him that Clay snorts, shaking his head. “You’ve never done things halfway, why would this be any different?” he asks. “Why, what happened?”

Justin leans against the banister. “Nothing happened,” Justin says, sighing. “It’s just that bedtime went pretty horribly, Willow, the little girl, freaked out and insisted she didn’t need to go to bed, and Carter, her brother, had to basically help calm her down and put her to bed. I just... I thought we’d be able to help more than we did. And what if it’s always like this? I already feel like a failure, but what if we never get the hang of it?”

“Justin,” Clay begins, and Justin can tell that he’s biting back a sigh. “This was not going to be perfect on the first night. You didn’t get your hopes up that much, did you?”

Justin ducks his head, sighing. “No, I guess not,” he admits. “But I didn’t prepare myself for it to be like this.”

“You needed time to adjust, too,” Clay reminds him gently. “The first nights you were with us after Mom and Dad found out, it took you a while to feel comfortable around them. How old is Willow again?”

“Six.”

“Justin,” Clay sighs, and this time he does laugh. Justin can picture him shaking his head, and he instinctively rolls his eyes as he starts pacing, the deck boards creaking beneath him. “You were 16 and needed time. Imagine how she feels, especially if they were already in a temporary home for only a few nights.”

“Give yourself some grace and stop trying to make things perfect,” he continues. “You’re going to be a great foster dad. There’s no doubt in my mind that after a few days, you’ll be telling me how stupid you feel for having been so worried.”

Justin stops, crunching a leaf underneath his foot. “I hate that you’re right,” he mumbles. “Thank you for talking me down. You’re the only person I could admit all of this to, especially because Jess is handling it great and going with the flow.”

“Charlie or Zach would’ve been amused with all of this,” Clay teases with a laugh. “Maybe even Luke.”

“You’re the worst brother ever, you know that?” Justin says with a laugh, turning back and walking towards the sliding door. “I love you. I’ll see you soon.”

“I love you, too,” Clay says, hanging up.

Justin gives himself a moment, smiling to himself, and when he opens the back door into the kitchen and finds Jess scrubbing the pot from dinner, he presses a kiss to her cheek and wraps her arm around her middle.

“You okay?” she asks with a smile, craning her neck so she can look at him out of the corner of her eye.

“‘m fine,” he nods, kissing her once more. “Just needed to be talked off the ledge from Clay.”

He turns back to put the clean dishes on the counter away, watching as Jess shakes her head. “I figured. Do you feel better now?”

“Much,” he nods, helping her with the last of the dishes.

When they retreat back up to bed, Jess checks in on both Carter and Willow, smiling when she returns to their room. “Both are sleeping,” she informs him, changing into her pajamas. “We made it through our first day. It will only get easier from here.”

Justin falls asleep willing himself to believe this.

--

In the flurry of getting lunches packed and both kids ready for school on time, the morning brings significantly less drama.

Jess sleeps in, morning sickness in full force as Justin promises he has things under control. Jess is apprehensive, promising that she just needs a few minutes and she’d be fine, but Justin drops a kiss to her forehead and tells her to stay in bed for as long as she needs.

He feeds Carter and Willow cereal, apologizing quietly. “If we had more time, I would’ve made you guys eggs or pancakes.”

Carter looks at him, confused, and shakes his head. “Cereal is fine,” he says quietly, nudging Willow’s bowl closer to her. “We don’t need anything fancy.”

“I don’t really consider eggs all that fancy,” Justin says with a smile. “Peanut butter and jelly okay for lunch? I know you guys don’t have any allergies, but do you like it?”

“I love it!” Willow smiles, the first real glimpse of enthusiasm shining through, and Justin smiles as he reaches for two slices of bread.

“What about you, Carter? Do you like it, or would you like something else? You’re free to take whatever you want,” Justin offers, glancing at the clock. “Or you can buy lunch, if you want. Liberty’s lunches weren’t the worst, if I remember right.”

Carter bites back a laugh, standing and putting his bowl in the sink. “You remember wrong. Their food sucks,” he comments. “Peanut butter and jelly is fine, thanks,” he says, disappearing down the hall to brush his teeth.

Willow eats her cereal, free hand tracing a pattern over the granite countertop, and sighs. “Are you taking me to school?”

“I think so. It’s on my way to work,” he says. “Is that okay?”

“Uh huh,” Willow nods. “And Carter is leaving now?”

“In a minute, yes,” Justin says calmly. “Do you like fruit roll-ups? Jessica bought some for you guys, so I can put one in your lunch.”

Willow takes another bite of cereal, eyes widening. “They’re my favorite!” she declares, reaching for the napkin Justin set in front of her to wipe the milk from her chin. “Could I have one please?”

“Of course,” Justin smiles, tossing one into the brown paper bag along with the rest of her food.

“Carter, they bought fruit roll-ups!” Willow smiles, craning her neck from her chair to watch Carter pull on his shoes. “Justin put one in my lunch, do you want one?”

Carter stands, grabbing his backpack from the chair. “I’m okay, Wills,” he smiles. He leans forward, taking his lunch bag from the counter. “I’m going to walk to school now. Justin will take you to school.”

“Will you come with him to pick me up?” Willow asks, frowning when Carter swipes the pad of his thumb against the corner of her mouth. “I wish it was Dad coming instead, though.”

“Dad isn’t coming back, Willow. Not right now at least. You’ve gotta stop asking when Dad will come to get us or how much you wish he was doing things. We have Jess and Justin right now,” he says sharply, brushing his hand on his jeans and kissing the top of her head. “I’ll be there with Justin after school to pick you up. Have fun at school, WIlls. Bye, Justin,” he says, dropping a kiss to the top of Willow’s head as he walks towards the front door.

“Bye, Carter,” Justin says, smiling as Willow waves goodbye, extending her hand behind her as she finishes her cereal. “You need to go brush your teeth,” Justin announces, taking the bowl when she pushes it away.

“I’ll help you, Willow,” Jessica says, crossing her arms over her chest. Justin looks up, noticing that she looks slightly better, and doesn’t decide to push back when Willow jumps off the chair and disappears back down the hall, their footsteps growing distant on the staircase.

--

Justin had been back to the elementary school a handful of times as an adult to interview teachers and principals about suspected abuse involving students. He was often drained after those interviews, his heart breaking and his mind never quite able to separate his work life from the lives of these children who need more help than anyone.

Today he pulls into a visitor spot in the parking lot, looking back at Willow. “I just have to walk in and let the staff know that I’ll be picking you up, okay? You don’t have to stay with me if you don’t want to. But you have to tell me if you’re going with your friends.”

Willow reaches over the handle of the booster seat, unbucking the seatbelt with ease. “Are you going to walk me in every day?” she asks, standing up and grabbing her bag from the floor of the car.

Justin pulls his keys from the cupholder, biting back a smile. “I won’t, unless you’d like me to,” he says. Pausing, he gets out and opens the back door for Willow to jump out. “Every other day we’ll just go to the drop-off line.”

Willow nods, instinctively reaching for his hand as they cross the street. She lets go when they’re safely on the sidewalk, brightening when she sees her friends. “I always walk to my class with them,” she says, looking up at Justin. She brushes her hair back from her face, smiling. “Can I go?”

Justin looks at the girls waiting for her, nodding. “Go ahead, Willow. Have a good day. Carter will be here with either me or Jessica to pick you up.”

“Okay!” Willow nods, but she’s already walking away, turning back with a wave. “Bye, Justin!”

Justin watches her walk up to her friends, the four of them giggling as they walk down the hall and towards their classroom.

He wasn’t expecting the worry he feels that both Carter and Willow are hiding how they feel to last well beyond the meeting he has with the principal at Willow’s school, but manages to distract himself just enough to get through everything he had to do at work.

--

The awkward feeling between Justin and Carter was palpable through the car as they sat in the pick-up line at the elementary school, Carter’s football pads tucked neatly in the back seat of the car beside Willow’s seat.

Justin had been trying to think of something to say to pass the time, but they rifled through recapping their day and discussing the short football practice before Justin made it to the main road after leaving school.

“Have you heard anything?” Carter asks, breaking the silence in the car. “About our case? Have you like - I don’t really know how any of this works.”

Justin takes a breath, sighing. “We haven’t heard anything yet,” he says quietly. “Jess and I will share anything we receive from Melanie with you.”

Carter nods, pulling a cracker from the snack bag he had left over from lunch. “Is it bad that I’m not really all that worried about hearing anything?” he asks, his voice impossibly quieter as he stares at the car in front of them. “Willow just asks constantly when we’ll be back with our dad, and it’s getting kind of hard to keep saying soon if it really won’t be soon.”

They inch forward with the line. “While I like that you’re trying to protect your sister and tell her that you’ll be back home soon, since so much is uncertain, maybe we can just shift it to say that you don’t know, but you guys have a home with us.”

“Just sucks having to be the one to let her down,” Carter shrugs. “I feel like at some point she’s going to hate me, even though it’s not my fault we’re in foster care in the first place.”

“I don’t think Willow could ever hate you,” Justin says with a smile. “She loves you, Carter, and you requesting that you’re not separated from her so you can be there for her proves that you love her, too.”

Carter manages a laugh as he shakes his head. “She loves our dad so much. Our mom left last year, and so our dad is the only parent she has,” he says quietly. “But he’s been angry since Mom walked out, and when Willow accidentally ruined these important files he had, he freaked out. If I didn’t step in, he would’ve hurt Willow. I don’t know how to forgive him.” His hand grazes over the fading bruise across jaw, and for a moment, Justin wonders if there’s worse injuries hiding.

Justin lets a beat of silence pass between the two of them. “I get it,” Justin breathes. He glances at Carter, who’s looking back at him, his eyebrows furrowed. “My mom was an addict, and I was put into emergency custody more times than I can count. It started when I was Willow’s age, and I’d always end up back with my mom. I was finally adopted when I was 17. And the one thing I hated was foster parents telling me that my mom made a mistake and I would be back with her soon. I just wanted to know that it was okay to feel betrayed by her, and that I didn’t have to forgive her for how she’d hurt me, or how she let her boyfriends hurt me.”

“We don’t have to talk about your family life ever, not if you don’t want to,” he continues, inching the car forward as the line moves again. “But I hear you, I understand that you’re hurting and you’re angry, and you don’t need someone to tell you that you’ll be back with your dad eventually. You don’t ever have to act like things are fine in front of Jess and I, but for the sake of your sister, maybe you could be a little gentler with her? She’s only 6, Carter, she’s going to be confused.”

“I know,” Carter sighs. “I’ll do better at not freaking out at her. I know she doesn’t get it. She didn’t even know what she found was super important. She just knows that my dad hurt me so bad this time that the neighbors called the cops,” he says, shaking his head.

They move closer, the kids filing out of the building and walking towards their parents’ cars. “There’s a lot of things she doesn’t get about this whole situation,” Justin reminds him. “She knows that you got hurt and you both had to be taken away, and that’s probably it. I’m sure she doesn’t understand anything else, and honestly, it’s better that she doesn’t right now.”

Carter agrees, but their conversation is cut short when Willow spots them and runs to the car, climbing in the back seat.

“You really did come, Carter!” she beams, buckling her seatbelt and accepting the bag of crackers from Carter’s outstretched hand. “I thought you wouldn’t.”

“I made a promise, didn’t I?” he asks, accepting the bag back as Justin navigates through the traffic and back out onto the road. “How was school?”

Behind him, Willow chews slowly. “Some people asked who brought me to school since they saw Justin,” she says quietly, eyes flicking between both of them. “I just said he’s Dad’s friend and I’m staying with him for a little while.”

Justin smiles. “That’s fine, Willow. You don’t have to tell anyone what you don’t want to, okay?” he assures her, the relief flashing across her face as she smiles.

Justin listens to Willow and Carter’s quiet conversation on the ride home, and as they pull into the driveway and file in, Justin slowly lets it sink in that things are getting better, the worries that have plagued him since they arrived the afternoon before pushing to the back of his mind, if only for a moment.

--

By some miracle, they make it to the end of the first week.

They check in with Melanie, who assures them that things are fine, and reminds Justin to rely on his own training as a social worker. He had been looking at it through blinders, a sense of false hope that his adjustment with his own foster children would be different, and it wasn’t realistic.

So he takes it hour by hour, focuses on one task at a time, and helps Carter and Willow make it to the end of the first week along with him and Jess.

It’s not smooth by any means - Willow is defiant on rules and structure, and Justin finds himself struggling to have grace with her. Carter is withdrawn, quiet and contemplative, and his once helpful demeanor has been temporarily replaced by frustration towards his sister, often losing his temper and urging her to just listen to the rules that really aren’t all that big of a deal. Justin finds himself having more leniency towards him than Jess does, explaining to Jess quietly one evening after they had managed to get both kids to bed.

“Their dad clearly has anger issues. That bruise on Carter’s jaw is from his dad. He had to step in front of him before he hurt Willow,” he says quietly, his voice hushed as they clean the kitchen and make lunches for the next day. “I get it’s frustrating that he’s suddenly not as helpful as he once was with Willow, but I think we owe him some grace. It’s pretty obvious he’s been through a rough time, and he’s told me he doesn’t know how he’s going to forgive his dad.”

Jess blows out a breath. “I know, I know,” she says quietly. “They’ve lost so much in such a short amount of time, and we have to believe this will get better. And I know we need to give them time, but god, it’s just so hard sometimes.”

“We’ll figure it out,” he promises, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “I promise you, we’ll figure it out. And at some point it’ll be fine, but sometimes it does feel like that day will never come.”

Jess laughs, shaking her head. “You’re right, it doesn’t.”

But then it does, on a whim when Justin decides Friday calls for pizza night, and Willow and Carter get excited. It’s the first sort of happy emotion from both of them that lasts longer than a few minutes. Justin helps pile their plates with slices, and even though Jess inwardly cringes at the prospect of grease staining their sofa, she decides to ride out the good moment and turn on a movie, the four of them piling onto the couch to watch together.

It could just be a flash in the pan, a moment that will feel like false hope in the coming days of helping both kids adjust to being in foster care, but Justin decides that the best thing they can do is live in the moment.

And even if this moment is fleeting, a flash in the pan of what could be, he’s going to enjoy it now.

Chapter Text

“So, you've been a foster mom for almost two weeks. How are you feeling?”

Jess sits at Ani’s kitchen table tying off favors for her bridal shower in a few weeks, a smile crossing her face. “We finally got into a routine, and now I feel way better than I did before. I feel like we have a really good handle of things, at least a little more than we did when they first arrived.”

Ani nods, pouring both of them lemonade and joining her at the table. “How are you feeling? Adjusting to two kids and being newly pregnant?”

Jess sighs, thanking her quietly when she hands her her glass. “I have good days and bad days,” she admits. “The mornings are rough, but I’m usually okay at work and then don’t feel great in the evening. I don't know, really. I’m ready to just feel better all the time and not wonder if I’m going to throw up in the middle of a client meeting,” she laughs.

Ani smiles. “It has to turn eventually, or at least you can hope,” she offers. “Are you guys going to tell them about the baby? Or do you have a plan to tell them?”

Jess sighs, tying a bow neatly on top of one of the gift bags and moving it off to the side. “We haven’t talked about how we’re going to tell them, or even when,” she admits. “I mean, it looks like we’re going to have them for a while longer, but I still don’t know when the right time will be to tell them, or how they’re going to react when they do find out.”

Ani assembles a gift bag, sighing. “You always preach honesty. Maybe right now isn’t the best time, and I don’t blame you for wanting to wait given how hard it was to get pregnant, but you don’t want to hold off and tell them when it’s too late and it goes south.”

“I know. We’re going to tell them eventually, we just have to find the right time,” she promises. “I just want to be absolutely sure everything is okay before we tell kids that aren’t ours we’re having a baby. And I also want to make sure we’re not hurting their feelings or making them feel like they’re being replaced or pushed aside because we’re having a biological child.”

Ani reaches over, resting her hand on Jess’ arm. “You’ll tell them when you’re ready,” she assures her with an easy smile, reaching back to continue to assemble bags. “So, tell me about these kiddos. What are they like?”

Jess spreads out into a wide grin, leaning back as she cuts off a few more strips of ribbon. “Willow is the cutest child you’d ever see. Little ringlet curls, a toothless smile and the cutest personality. She loves running around and playing with her friends, and she loves hanging out with the three of us as a group. We think it’s probably because she didn’t have anything like that before, but it’s the best and I don’t ever want it to stop happening as they get more comfortable.”

She takes a breath, reaching for her lemonade. “Carter is such a great teenager. Much less dramatic than we were at 16,” she says with a laugh. “He’s super protective of Willow, which is sweet to watch. And he plays football, which means Justin is in his glory getting to talk football with him and toss the ball around in the backyard.”

“I can only imagine how excited Justin was to find out that Carter played football,” Ani replies with a laugh, handing her another bag to tie off.

The two talk about the kids and the final wedding plans until they’re laughing at a joke they’ve made about the reception and upcoming bridal shower and bachelorette party, and for a moment it feels like they’re back in high school again with no heavy responsibilities or weddings to plan and kids to raise.

--

“Do you guys have families?” Willow asks Saturday over breakfast, climbing up into her chair.

After three weeks of living with Jess and Justin, all four of them seem to have fallen into a groove, the difficulties slowly becoming less frequent.

“Willow, you can’t just ask people if they have families,” Carter sighs, reaching for the syrup.

Jessica sets a plate of bacon in the center of the table, sitting down in her seat with a smile. “It’s okay, Carter. She’s welcome to ask about our families,” she assures him. “Yes, Willow, both Justin and I have families. My parents and both of my little brothers live in Seattle, and Justin’s parents and his brother all live here, in Evergreen.”

“Are we going to meet them?” she asks, leaning up on her elbows to reach a piece of bacon.

Jessica raises her eyebrows, smiling. “Oh, we didn’t know if you guys would like that,” she says. “My parents will be in town this weekend, and we can go see Justin’s parents or his brother whenever we’d like. Is that something you both would want to do?”

Willow looks at Carter, and then nods. “But only if they want to meet us,” she quickly says, taking a bite and licking her lips to get rid of the crumbs. “Or we don’t have to.”

“They really want to meet you both, but they understand if that’s not something you want,” Justin smiles, handing Carter the carton of orange juice. “How about we take some time and think about it? There’s no rush in making a decision now.”

Carter refills his glass, shrugging. “Nah, we don’t need time. We can meet your families, if that’s cool,” he says, glancing between them both. “I mean it’s obvious we’re going to be here for a little while, right?”

Jess doesn’t know how to answer his question, heartbreak flooding through her. “You’ll really like them,” she states, but it doesn’t feel right and a different sentence hangs on the tip of her tongue, never quite making it out.

Carter doesn’t seem phased, nodding and giving Jess a polite smile. The discussion shifts to Willow’s recount of her week at school, the awkward exchange left in the distance, and Jess only finds relief when Carter suggests they go to the park to play, Willow agreeing enthusiastically.

--

In the end, Jess’ parents decide that the most logical way to handle meeting Carter and Willow is by going out to lunch, and Jess and Justin agree, making the reservation.

They meet at a restaurant by the marina, where Willow smooths out her dress as they wait for their table, legs swinging off the bench in the front of the restaurant as she sits between Jess and Carter. “Are your parents here?” she asks, peering up at Jess. An older couple walks through the door, smiling at Willow as they walk up to the hostess.

Jess glances at her phone. “Any minute,” she promises. “My mom said they were just down the street.”

Willow nods, smoothing her hands across the bottom of her dress again. “Are they going to like me?”

“They’re going to love you,” Jess answers easily, a smile spreading across her face.

Willow beams, a toothless grin looking back at Jess. “I bet they’ll like me more than Carter,” she teases, catching Carter’s attention.

He glances up from his phone, smiling. “Everyone likes you more than me, Wills,” he smirks. “Who couldn’t?”

The door to the restaurant opens and Jess’ parents walk in with a smile, hugging Justin and Jess quickly.

“Mom, Dad, this is Willow and Carter,” Jess introduces, stepping aside so they can say hello. “Carter, Willow, these are my parents, Greg and Noelle.”

Willow smiles, saying hello quietly. Carter shakes both of their hands, stepping back. “It’s nice to meet you both,” he says politely, resting his hands firmly on Willow’s shoulders.

Noelle smiles, taking a step forward. “We’ve been so excited to meet you both, but we didn’t want to rush,” she says. “Are you guys ready to get something to eat?” she asks, smiling when both kids nod.

They’re seated at a table that overlooks the marina. Willow flips between coloring on the menu and watching the sailboats undock and sail out into the open waters, eyes wide and mesmerized by the scenes before her.

Justin, who sat across from her, watched with a bright grin. “Do you want to walk down there after lunch, Willow?” he asks, listening to Carter talk to Greg about the football season and how he’d been thinking about if he wanted to play in college. “We can go see the sailboats closer, if you want.”

Willow averts her gaze from the picture window to Justin, reaching for her water. “We can walk down there?”

“Sure,” Justin nods. “See that path down there? We can walk down there after lunch and see the sailboats.”

Willow purses her lips around the straw, smiling. “Okay, I want to go walk down there after lunch,” she says, turning back to watch as a sailboat navigates through the marina and docks with ease.

She goes back to coloring, coerces Carter into playing tic-tac-toe with her on the menu, and by the time her lunch arrives she leans over to talk to Noelle about how she used to do dance class, she and her friends like to play soccer at recess and her favorite subject is art because she likes to draw pictures.

Carter is quieter as he eats, pushing his food around the plate as he answers questions and smiles politely, and while Justin would rate this as going marginally well, he can imagine how formal this must feel for both of them.

“I was thinking that when we see my parents, we could just hang out at their house. Make it a lot less formal than this,” Justin says as he and Carter walk towards the bathroom after they’ve eaten, watching the relief flood through him.

“It’s not that this isn’t nice or they’re not nice, because it is and Jessica’s parents are really great,” Carter begins, saving himself from the reaction that would make Justin laugh. “It’s just that Willow and I aren’t used to this. We aren’t used to nice lunches and people who would be grandparents who care, obviously, so it just feels weird to sit around and talk about myself.”

Justin nods, pausing as they walk into the bathroom, and then picking up the conversation once more as they wash their hands. “I remember how awkward it felt meeting my grandparents, and I was adopted by then,” he says with a smile. “But Matt and Lainie, my parents, are a little more understanding about how awkward this is for you and Willow. Jess’ parents, they’re great, but they’ve never had a foster or adoption situation in their family. They just didn’t want anything to feel too awkward or be an intrusion into a space that just became yours. If there’s a better way to navigate meeting my parents, please just tell us. We want you both to be comfortable.”

Their pace had slowed down as they made their way back to the table. Carter fumbled with his hair, brushing it back off his forehead, and then shoved his hands deep into his pockets. “I was thinking maybe they could just come over, or we could go to their house, like Jess suggested earlier,” he says, looking back at the table to Willow talking animatedly with Greg about a movie they watched over the weekend. “Willow would be more comfortable running around the backyard, even though she does seem to be enjoying this.”

“I’m glad you have Willow’s thoughts in mind, but what about you? What would make you feel most comfortable?” Justin presses, pausing as they move back to their seats.

Carter takes a moment, helps Willow remember the names of the characters in the movie with ease, and then turns back to Justin. “At home would be fine, really,” he says with a smile, and Justin nods, believing him without a second thought.

--

They spend the afternoon walking by the marina like Justin had promised, bags of leftovers secured tightly in their hands and ice cream cones dripping onto the concrete, Jess laughing as she uses a napkin to wipe Willow’s hands of the sticky residue.

They said their goodbyes in the parking lot of the restaurant, Willow and Carter both waving and thanking them for the lunch. The ride home was quiet, Willow humming along to the radio, and by the time Jess and Justin stepped back inside and toed off their shoes, Carter had announced he was going to his room to do homework, and Willow settled in on the sofa, a Disney Channel show blaring with a fake laugh track in the background.

“It was a nice afternoon, don’t you think?” Jess asks, putting their leftovers in the fridge and cleaning up the kitchen. She takes a breath, rubbing over her stomach and her bump that she realizes is most likely the result of a food baby. “Although I have to admit, I was worried my parents would slip up and ask about the baby.”

“Nah, they know better,” Justin says with a smile. He glances out to the living room, where Willow has curled up and is laughing at the show, and sighs. “Carter asked if we could just meet Matt and Lainie at home. He thinks maybe they’d be more comfortable there.”

Jess moves to sit in a chair at the island, furrowing her brow. “Was this uncomfortable for them?” she asks, shaking her head. “I didn’t - maybe we should’ve asked them if going to lunch was too much too soon. They said they wanted to meet them, not go to a nice restaurant and sit there for a few hours with strangers, us included. It’s only been a few weeks.”

“Jess,” Justin says, a smile ghosting over his lips. He leans on his elbows opposite her at the counter. “There’s no right or wrong way to do this. I’ve gone to homes for visits and they tell me they went to a big party with family and let the kids meet everyone at once. Some families don’t introduce their foster children to extended family at all. There’s no set rules to what to do, and I think it’s obvious, based on what Melanie said, that we’ll have these two for a little while.”

Jess lets her hands fall, spreading them against the cool granite. “Okay, so we have your parents here or we go there,” she nods thinking out loud. “Would it be better to just have Clay and Naomi there, too? Who knows, Hudson is two years younger than Willow. They could hang out together.”

“Yeah, maybe that would work,” Justin says with a smile. “We’ll figure it out. Today went well, both kids seem happy, and we’ve been doing great the last few weeks. Let’s just focus on that for now.”

He drops a kiss to her head, and as Jess turns and watches Justin walk to the living room to sit and watch TV with Willow, she tries not to think about how in over her head she feels most days when it comes to navigating parenting kids that aren’t theirs, and will most likely never be theirs.

--

Justin learned early on into their marriage that if Jess had a project she was working on, it was best to stay out of her way.

It started right after they bought the house and Jess had decided to make cupcakes for the block party they had been invited to. Boxes were piled against the walls in every room, half unpacked and their house a shell of what they thought it would look like. The only place that felt like a home was the kitchen, where all dishes had been put away and pots and pans had been assigned to a cabinet. Justin had tried to help her, cupcakes neatly placed across the counters cooling, and pulled the mixing bowl of frosting off of the holder to bring over to a batch.

“Please,” Jess sighed behind him, pulling her hair up into a knot on the top of her head. “I’m in way over my head already, and you icing them may just tip me over the edge. Can you just - I think maybe today is a good day for you to tackle the living room. Or our room. Anywhere there’s a million boxes, really.”

Justin smiled, set the bowl down on the counter and kissed her on the cheek, and quickly disappeared down the hall and spent the rest of the afternoon arranging their bedroom in the sanctuary retreat she had pinned inspiration for on Pinterest. He laughed as she stood in the doorway and cried, leaning against his side, exhaustion taking over as she walked into their bathroom and immediately stripped down to shower, desperate to fall underneath their new bedding and sleep the stress away.

This time around, when Jess had volunteered to be the parent to bring snacks for the team after the football game on Friday - a tradition Justin can’t remember having and insists it must’ve been something Charlie instilled when he was hired as the quarterback coach following his move back to Evergreen upon graduating - Justin gets ahead of the game and ushers Carter out into the backyard, leaving Willow to help Jess after Jess asks Willow to join her.

The backyard had been Justin’s favorite part of this house. It was large and flat, lush green grass and overgrown flanked by flower beds and a large magnolia tree in the back corner. Justin couldn’t help but think about raising a family in this house, running through the backyard until the kids were dissolved into a fit of giggles, or setting up a sprinkler in the middle of the grass for the kids to run through on long summer days.

Today he stood across from Carter at the far end, tossing a football back and forth between the two of them with ease. The topic of football had come up a handful of times, Carter recapping his practices and discussing his games late in the evening on Friday when he’d get home. He’d urged Jess and Justin not to come, that the away games were too far away for them to have to come to and worry about getting Willow to bed at a decent time.

Jess had penciled in the next home game on the calendar - slated for a week from now - and promised that they would all be there, and bedtimes could be extended for one night.

“How do you think you guys are going to do this Friday?” Justin asks, spinning the ball in his hands before tossing it back to Carter. “Hillcrest was always a tough opponent for us.”

Carter launches the ball back with a smile. “Coach Kerba told us about how feisty it used to get between you guys. I’m guessing you played with Coach Dempsey?”

Justin bit back a laugh at Zach being labeled so formally, nodding as he throws the ball back. “I did. It got rough sometimes, much rougher than it should have. I’m hoping it’s not the same anymore? I don’t think Jess could handle it when it’s someone she cares about in the game.”

“It’s not as bad as it was when you played,” Carter says with a smile, passing the ball between his palms. He tosses it back, waiting until it lands safely in Justin’s arms before continuing. “I mean, it’s still pretty rough, but we have a good chance of beating them this year. A lot of their starters graduated.”

“That’s good news then,” he nods. “Are you sure you don’t want at least one of us to come?”

Carter quickly shakes his head. “No, it’s okay. I’d rather you stay home and be with Willow. She deserves some alone time with you guys. She really likes it here, you know. I know the first few weeks were rough, but she likes it now. And it’d be good for her to have time with just you guys,” he reasons. “Besides, we have a home game next week that Jess said you’d all come to. That’s more than enough for me.”

Justin thinks back to the Friday evenings the Jensens spent in the stands of his football games, cheering him on long before he was officially their son. “If you’re sure,” he says, enjoying giving Carter the option to choose. “But if you want us there, just ask.”

“I will,” Carter nods. There’s a beat of silence between them, and then Carter looks back at him. “Do you like working in foster care?”

It’s a loaded question, one that Justin has never had an easy time answering. He likes the feeling he gets when he helps the children who need it the most, whether that’s with their families or in a safe and loving foster home.

But there are some cases that haunt him long after he closes them. The cases so grave, so desperate and heartbreaking that a child had to live in, he wonders why someone hadn’t stepped in sooner.

And then there are cases so similar to his own, children who lived with addicts, who were neglected and put underneath their parents desires, that break his heart. He lived that life for 16 years, and as angry as he gets at these parents as he removes them from the home, he can’t help but think about his own complicated relationship with his mother when she was alive, and how apologetic he was to her actions because he desired to be with her.

“It can be very rewarding,” he says, holding the ball in his palms for a moment. “But there are difficult days. Sad days, hard days. I think it helps that I’ve lived through it, so I can empathize with the kids a little bit.”

Carter tosses the ball back, apologizing when it’s off the mark. “How many times were you taken from your mom?”

“Four times,” Justin says. “Twice just for a night, and the other two for a few weeks. But they always decided that I was fine in my mom’s care, so they returned me and closed the case.”

“Do you think you were better off with her?”

“Not really,” Justin says, a sad smile on his face. “But it made me feel better that I was with her, because then I knew she was alive and she wasn’t being hurt by anyone she chose to live with. Her addiction… it was bad. Far worse than you need to know about.”

Carter nods, and for a moment they pass the ball between them. “So how were you adopted?”

Justin can’t help but smile when he thinks about it. “It’s a long story, and it’s pretty boring for a teenager, but it ended up with me in emergency custody by a kid at school, and when his parents realized how bad my situation was, they decided they wanted to adopt me.”

“Did they like - did they save your life?” Carter asks. “Sorry if that’s asking too much, I just don’t know anyone else who’s been a foster kid and I don’t really want to talk to my friends about this.”

“Probably,” Justin nods. “I wasn’t really doing great with my mom, even if I was scared of not physically being with her. If it wasn’t for them, I wouldn’t have gone to college, I wouldn’t have become a social worker, and I probably wouldn’t even have been with Jess.”

Carter nods. They toss the ball back and forth between each other, and when it’s apparent Carter isn’t going to say anything, Justin begins again. “You can always talk to me about how you’re feeling. I’m not saying that your situation will be exactly the same,” he says. “Your situation is being handled in a different way. But even if you’re in foster care for a while, it doesn’t mean that your college dreams have to go away.”

“Sometimes I worry that this will toss out any scholarships I could get,” he admits quietly. “Which sucks, because I’m already angry my dad is like this, and that would make it worse.”

“That won’t happen,” Justin reassures him. “They won’t know about your foster status when they begin looking at you for scholarships.”

Carter nods hesitantly. “Coach Dempsey says I could get a lot of looks for schools,” he says cautiously, half a smile on his face. “He also said that his friend would be able to help me with getting my skills better for scouts.”

“Luke?” Justin asks, laughing when Carter nods. “He’s a good guy. We can see about him helping you, or we have plenty of other friends around who would be able to help. You just have to let me know when, okay?”

“Yeah, sure,” he nods. “It’s hard to believe that you played football, especially with someone like Coach Dempsey.”

“Don’t think I could hang with them?” he teases. “This body up against people like him?”

Carter’s cheeks pinken, shrugging. “Just seems unlikely, really,” he teases, laughing when the ball glances off his fingers and lands in the mulch of their slowly dying flower bed.

--

Thirty-six brown paper bags lay on the kitchen island, granola bars, fruit, water bottles, individual candy pieces and protein bars organized in piles alongside them. Despite feeling slightly overwhelmed by the task she clearly thought she could handle, Jess decides she’s proud of her decision to get involved from the start, Zach’s texts teasing her about being a football mom now making her smile.

Willow drags the chair around the island and perches up on it with a smile. “Are you sure I can help?”

Jess smiles, opening a drawer and pulling out a Sharpie. “You can absolutely help, Willow,” she assures her, pulling the list of players out and setting it beside her. “I’m going to write everyone’s name and number on their bag. Can you go around and put one of each thing in the bag? Start with the water, and then add a granola bar, piece of fruit, protein bar, and one piece of candy.”

Willow nods, pressing her hands to the counter. “I can do that!” she smiles, taking the first bag from Jess, who watches from the corner of her eye as Willow picks up one of each, taking her time choosing a piece of candy for the bag.

“Good job, Willow! Just like that every time, okay?” Jess smiles, taking the finished bag from her outstretched hand and setting it on the counter behind them.

The two fall into a routine, Jess smiling as Willow takes her job seriously, meticulously choosing a piece of candy and a certain granola bar for each bag. “Are you giving people your favorites?” Jess asks when they’re halfway through, a laugh hidden behind her words.

Willow looks up at her, puzzled, and shakes her head. “I’m doing all the ones I don’t like first,” she smiles. “Then if there’s extras, they’ll be my favorite!”

Jess laughs loudly, shaking her head. “Well, we’re almost done, and then you are free to pick one thing to eat as your reward for helping me,” she says with a smile.

Willow nods, turning back to her job of completing the bags, and sighs. “How come we’re doing this?”

“Everyone takes turns giving snacks for the team for the games,” Jess says. She glances up at Willow, smiling. “Willow, do you want to play sports, too? I’m sure there’s a league we could get you into now, if that’s something you would want to do.”

Willow thinks about it for a moment, chewing on the corner of her lip. She reaches for one of the water bottles, slowly lowering it into the new brown bag in her hand. “My friends play soccer,” she says quietly, staring at the granola bar flavors left. She chooses one, peering over the edge of the bag to watch it fall to the bottom.

“Yeah? Is that something you’d like to do?” Jess asks, handing her another bag. “We could look into the soccer league and have you join.”

Willow furrows her brow, looking through the remaining protein bars. She looks back at Jess, shrugging. “It would cost money, though.”

“Willow,” Jess smiles, writing out the last name on the final bag, “if soccer is something you want to play, then we will sign you up. Do you want to play with your friends?”

There’s a slight hesitation, and then, looking up, Willow nods. “I want to play soccer, Jess,” she says, filling the final bag.

“We’ll look into how to sign you up tomorrow,” Jess says, laughing and resting her hand on Willow’s back as she leans across the island and grabs a granola bar, tearing the packaging with ease.

--

In the first few months of becoming true empty nesters, Matt and Lainie had to learn how to live with just each other.

They’d enrolled in a pottery class at the community center downtown, spending date nights laughing and making horribly constructed bowls and vases, displaying them with pride. Clay and Justin would see them on visits home, questioning them with amused glances and laughs hidden behind their eyes as they found out the origin story.

Matt enrolled in a French cooking class for six weeks, enthusiastically showing off his new skills to his wife on evenings, a three-course meal presented after a long day at court or in the office.

Lainie enrolled in a knitting class at the local community college, rolling her eyes and accepting the lighthearted jabs that came from all of her boys when she announced her new hobby, proudly gifting everyone scarves to show off her new skills.

The one thing that remained constant was both of their boys dropping by unannounced, raiding their pantry as if they were teenage boys again. They’d bring Jess and Naomi most times, lounge on the sofa, spend weekends helping weed the garden and pick out new flowers, and Lainie always found herself missing them all just a little bit more when they’d go back to their own homes in the evening.

When Justin drops by on his way home from work and unceremoniously plucks a green bean from the iron skillet on the stove, Lainie rolls her eyes and reminds him of his manners.

“Carter and Willow want to meet you guys,” he says, leaning back against the counter. He unbuttons the top of his dress shirt, sighing. “We went out to lunch with Jess’ parents when they were in town last weekend, but I think it was too formal and overwhelming for both of them. We’d rather keep it more low-key and maybe just hang out here or at our house? With Clay, Naomi and Hudson?”

Lainie closes her planner, smiling. “Of course, love,” she nods. “We could have you guys all over for lunch or dinner this weekend, if that’s okay?”

Justin nods, smiling when he reaches for another green bean as Matt pours them into a bowl. “I just don’t want to overwhelm them again, and we’re finally getting into a good groove and things have been going well, and something formal or awkward could just set us back.”

“So things are going better for you guys then?” Matt asks, turning back to the stove. “I know you told us it was a little rough in the beginning.”

Justin bites back a sigh, nodding. “There were constant arguments in the beginning. Bedtime, doing homework, everything like that was so rough,” he explains. “But we’re getting into a routine now, and I’ve sort of bonded with Carter. I think they both just need time. It’s the first time they’ve been taken from their dad for real, and their mom left last year.”

“When you came to stay with us, you needed time, too,” Lainie reminds him with a smile, reaching for her glass of wine. “It’s a big change to ask them to just arrive and feel totally comfortable with you. Do you remember how long it took us to feel comfortable, and how long we waited before you met our parents?”

“My situation felt completely different,” Justin argues weakly, crossing his arms over his chest. “It wasn’t like a traditional foster placement. And for the record, Carter knows I was adopted, but he only knows that I was put into emergency custody with you guys. He doesn’t know the whole juvie stay and hiding in Clay’s bedroom for a few days. He also doesn’t know that I was an addict, or that I’m sober now.”

“We won’t say a word,” Lainie smiles. “But just because your situation was a little different doesn’t mean we don’t get it. Living with new people takes time, sweetheart, and we’ll give them as much space as they need.”

Justin nods, thanking them quietly. “I know you guys get it more than Jess’ parents do, you guys went through it with me. I’m just paranoid that they’ll get overwhelmed and we’ll slip backwards, and -”

“And you’ll be okay,” Lainie cuts off his rambling, standing and walking over to him. “You care so much, Justin, and you know we love that about you. If they get overwhelmed, you’ll be able to help them work their way back. It’ll be okay.”

“I know,” Justin nods, taking a breath. “Jess handles this way better than I do, for the record. She thinks it’s crazy I felt like I had to warn you guys.”

Lainie smiles. “How is Jess? Still feeling pretty bad?”

“She’s not as nauseous,” Justin offers, moving away from the sink. “She still doesn’t love eating breakfast, and I usually take over getting the kids to school on time so she can take her time getting ready for work, but then she gets nauseous after dinner and does her best to hide it from Carter and Willow, and it feels like there’s no end in sight.”

“There will be,” Lainie promises, brushing her fingers across his cheek like she did when he was younger. “She’s almost out of the first trimester, and things get better from there. Or at least they did for me. Just keep helping her wherever you can, and if you need help, once we meet the kids and you all feel comfortable, you can always call us and we’ll come over. Okay?”

Justin nods, smiling. “Okay, yeah,” he says, glancing at the time on the clock. “I should probably get home and help with dinner. Let me know when it works for you this weekend,” he smiles, hugging them both.

“We’re proud of you, kid,” Matt says with a smile, laughing when Lainie kisses Justin’s cheek.

“Call if you need us,” Lainie reminds him, walking to the back door and waving as he backs out of the driveway with ease and sets off for home.

--

If Jess thinks about it for a while, all she can do is laugh about how all these years later, Monet’s is still their desired meet up place to talk. She can remember the day she met Alex here so vividly, she and Hannah giggling from a far table before approaching him, declaring that they were going to be friends.

There had been a lot of ups and downs since then, quick moves out of Evergreen for school and their first jobs, and then back to Evergreen to settle down, and Monet’s had become the default place to meet.

So when Charlie and Alex ask if they can all meet up out of the house to talk, she doesn’t even have to ask. She just sits down at the table in the back corner that they’ve designated as theirs, thanking Charlie when he sets a mug of tea and a sandwich in front of her when they meet up on their lunch break.

“How are you feeling?” Charlie asks, a warm smile crossing his face as he sits beside Alex. Jess had told the two of them in a panic when she first found out, and while Justin was more cautious, he understood Jess’ desire to tell someone other than Ani. “You look amazing.”

“Because I’m not showing yet,” Jess smirks, laughing. “I feel fine, mostly. Mornings are rough, and then the whole morning sickness comes back when I’m least expecting it, and that’s knocked me off my feet a little bit.”

Alex takes a bite of his sandwich. “How’s Justin doing with the fact that he’s going to be a dad?”

Jess rolls his eyes. “It’s not like the topic of our conversation, but he’s really excited that I’m pregnant and things are going well,” she smiles. She reaches for her tea, holding the warm mug between her hands. “What about you two? Have you given it any more thought about starting a family?”

Charlie and Alex share a glance, a silence falling over the two of them. It’s Alex that turns back to look at Jess, swallowing his bite of sandwich. “That’s part of the reason we wanted to meet up for lunch today,” he admits. “How is fostering? What is the process like for you guys?”

For a moment, Jess is stunned silent. Since Carter and Willow arrived, she hadn’t given much thought to how she’d been feeling. Their days had shifted to being centered around both kids, and the evenings she once took for granted with her husband had almost dissipated, the two of them often crawling into bed not long after Carter said goodnight.

“It changes your life,” she decides after a moment, a smile passing her face as she plucks a chip off of Charlie’s plate. “We went from having all of our time dedicated to us to having to put the kids first. But I’m finding it way more rewarding than I ever could’ve imagined.”

She swallows, adjusting her sandwich in her hands. “It’s not easy, and there are some days that are difficult and the kids are struggling and I don’t know what to do to help them. But when we decided to take the leap and foster, I never imagined it would feel as amazing as it does.”

Charlie beams, nodding enthusiastically. “We’ve been leaning towards fostering or adoption rather than surrogacy, at least for the first round. We know it’s not going to be perfect, and we’re not expecting it to be easy, but we were worried that maybe you would say it’s harder than anything you’ve done before.”

“Oh, it is,” Jess nods, a smile on her face. “But it’s easily the most rewarding thing we’ve ever done. I’m falling in love with both of them a little more every day, and it’s just proving to me that I’ve wanted to be a mom more than anything.”

A few teenagers sit down beside them, laughing. Jess glances at them, turns, and smiles at Alex. “We used to be them, and now we’re sitting here talking about you guys looking into fostering and me being pregnant and a foster parent. Who saw us here?”

“We all know I didn’t see myself here,” Alex says quietly, pulling a chip from his plate. He stares for a moment, shaking his head. “Do you think Justin would be able to help us get licensed? Maybe fostering is the way to go at first, and then down the line, adoption. When we’re more ready.”

Brightening, Jess reaches for her tea. “Of course! You know he’d be more than happy to help,” she assures both of them. “But why don’t you two talk it over and decide what you both want for the future. When you’re on the same page, let us know. No matter what you decide, Justin will be able to help, or he’ll know someone who can help.”

Relief washes over both of them, and as they finish their sandwiches and catch up on everything they’d missed in each other’s lives the last few weeks, Jess savors the time she has with her high school best friends, grateful to still have them there when she needs them the most.

Chapter Text

The sun streaked through the overgrown oak trees in Matt and Lainie’s backyard, the birds chirping as a cool breeze floated across them.

Justin leaned back in a chair on the patio, laughing as Willow and Hudson became fast friends and chased each other in the grassy area, Carter distractedly supervising as he texted his friends on his phone sitting on a tree stump in front of both of the kids.

In terms of keeping it casual, Matt and Lainie had nailed that aspect with ease. They’d set out a tray of sandwiches, chips and pasta salad in individual bowls on the table, and welcomed Carter and Willow to help themselves to anything in the fridge or cabinets that they wanted. Carter thanked her, and promptly followed Jess inside to get a drink for both he and Willow when it felt less awkward because she was there.

“They’re really nice, love,” Lainie smiles, joining Justin at the table, watching as Willow hands Hudson the soccer ball for him to take and kick back to her. “Are you still nervous about this?”

Justin sighs, reaching for his lemonade. “Not nervous, I guess,” he admits quietly. “More just like, worried that even this will be too much and we’re going to make it just as awkward and uncomfortable as lunch with Jess’ parents was.”

“I think you need to relax, kid,” Matt says with a smile, watching Justin glance back when the back door opens and Jess and Carter return. “Willow is more than occupied leading Hudson around, and Carter will be fine.”

“Hudson is loving having some attention from someone other than us,” Naomi smiles, joining them at the table. “He’d probably do anything she asks him to do right now, no questions asked.”

“Okay, well Willow can’t think she can just make him do whatever she wants,” Jess says with a smile.

“I’ll go watch them again,” Carter offers, holding a glass of lemonade in his hand. “Sometimes Willow gets a little bossy. She needs to be told she can’t just order everyone around.”

They watch him walk over and sit back on the tree stump he’d been sitting on previously, giving Willow a sip of his lemonade and talking with her quietly.

“He’s a good brother, I guess?” Clay asks, stretching his legs out in front of him. “He seems protective.”

Justin nods. “Super protective,” he agrees. “But he is a good brother, and he helps her whenever she needs it.”

The adults quietly sit at the table, and as the sun stretches high in the sky and Willow asks if they can have a snack, Lainie takes the opportunity to set the table and sit everyone down to eat properly, Willow climbing up into a chair between Jess and Carter.

“So, Carter, we hear you’re on the football team at Liberty?” Matt says, smiling in Carter’s direction. “I’m sure Justin’s told you all about his glory days on the team?”

Carter reaches for the bowl of pasta salad with a smile. “He hasn’t, actually,” he says, looking at Justin. “But I’ve heard from Coach Dempsey that Justin was a pretty good player.”

“He probably paid Zach to say that,” Clay teases, laughing when Justin reaches out and hits his shoulder.

“I’m glad Zach hasn’t told you about all of my bad moments. But I’m sure if you asked he’d be happy to tell you every mishap I had when we were on that team together.”

Laughing, Carter nods. “I think I’ll just let you have your glory,” he decides after a moment, laughing when Clay rolls his eyes.

“You’re definitely letting him off easy, but I did share a room with him when we were teenagers, and I know the perfect ways to embarrass him when you need it,” he teases, Carter thanking him quietly and mumbling how he may take him up on that offer.

When Lainie brings out dessert she ignores the protests from both of her sons that their kids don’t need sugar, a beaming smile sliding across her face when she sets the cake in the center of the table. “I have waited a long time to be a grandmother, and now it’s my turn to spoil the kids with sugar and then send them home with you like your grandparents did to me.”

They sit around the table for hours, Willow and Hudson sliding out of their chairs and running back to play longer, and as the sun dips behind the trees and the kids’ laughter fills the air, Justin has never been so confident that they introduced his family at exactly the right time.

--

Jess watches with careful eyes as Willow brushes her teeth before bed, using the brush to comb through her curls after a bath. “I liked Hudson,” Willow announces, leaning forward and spitting out her toothpaste. “He was really funny.”

“He is funny, isn’t he?” Jess says with a smile, reaching back for the towel to dry the ends of Willow’s hair.

Willow nods, placing her toothbrush back in the holder. “Can we see him again? Like soon?”

“You want to hang out with Hudson again?” Jess asks with a smile, brushing through the last of the curls. “Sure, I think we could make that happen. I’ll ask Naomi when you guys can hang out again, okay?”

“Okay!” she smiles, jumping off the stool and turning around. “I want to read Charlotte’s Web tonight.”

Jess laughs, flipping off the bathroom light and following Willow down the hall. “We can read Charlotte’s Web. Are you going to help me read, or am I reading it all alone?”

“I’ll help,” Willow decides after a moment, burrowing under the blankets and moving over so Jess has room to lay with her.

Justin glances into Willow’s room on his way to bring laundry, smiling at the sight.

Jess and Willow were reading through Charlotte’s Web, laughing together as Willow leaned against her side.

These were the good moments they’d been waiting for.

--

The walk down to the football field at Liberty is all too familiar for Justin, despite being far removed from having done the walk himself. He takes the steps slowly, listens to the familiar whistles from the coaches as practice continues, and spots Carter with Zach on the field working on designed plays and catches.

He stands by the rusty gate that squeaks in the breeze, leans back against the chain link fence, and immerses himself back into the world of long afternoons on the football field running through gruesome practices and wondering why he chose this sport in the first place.

“If that paper in your hand isn’t the signed form I’ve been asking for from Carter for weeks, I believe our friendship is going to have to be revisited,” Zach says, announcing his presence as he walks across the track towards him.

Justin rolls his eyes, sticking his hand out for Zach to take. “You know you wouldn’t drop me as a friend,” he counters with a smirk, “and besides, I’m still getting used to this whole parenting thing and filling out forms.”

“You know, normally I’d take that as a lame excuse,” Zach says with a smile, taking the form. “But you were thrown into the fire a few weeks ago. I guess you get a pass this time.”

Shaking his head, Justin watches as Kerba leads the last round of practice, assistant coaches helping coordinate with the alternates. Zach lingers, crossing his arms as they watch Carter run through the drill. “I don’t know how long he’s going to be with you, but Justin, he has potential,” Zach says quietly. “He has the ability to be incredible, he’s working hard to get to that level, and we’ve had scouts reach out asking if he has a tape we can share with them. If he keeps working at this, there’s a good chance he could get a scholarship to a really great school.”

Justin watches as Carter weaves between the defenders, jumping to catch an errant throw. He takes a breath, turning to Zach. “Even if he’s not with us, if having a future in football is what he wants, I’ll do anything to help,” he says. “What should I do?”

“Kerba’s helping him make a highlight tape during his free period, and there’s camps he could go to on the weekends or during school breaks, if he would want to. We all want to help him, we just don’t want to overwhelm him. Especially since so much is going on and you don’t really know what’s going to happen with the fostering or his dad’s custody.”

Nodding, Justin thanks Zach quietly and diverts his attention to Carter, who walks towards them with his backpack slung over his shoulder and his football things hanging from his free hand. “Can we go home? I’m starving.”

“Sure,” Justin smiles, both of them saying goodbye to Zach before walking back to the car.

Justin doesn’t say anything at first, instead focusing on carefully getting out of the parking lot as the seniors pull out of their lot. He waits until they’re safely on the road before turning to Carter. “I was talking to Coach Dempsey,” he begins quietly, “he says you have some real talent and you’re working on a highlight tape with Coach Kerba?”

Carter glances up from his phone, shrugging. “Oh, yeah I guess,” he says. “They think I could get some scholarships to schools.”

“If that’s what you want, Jess and I could look into some football camps, help you work on your skills for the scouts. Coach Dempsey mentioned a few in the area that we could look at.”

Carter snaps up from his phone, shaking his head. “Oh, no, I couldn’t ask you guys to do that,” he says. “You’ve done so much for us already, the last thing you need to do is spend money on a football camp that may not even help me get into college or get a scholarship or whatever.”

“Carter,” Justin begins, smiling. “You don’t ever have to worry about money, or us spending it on you. If the camp Coach Dempsey told me about is something you want to do, I’ll talk to him about it and get more information about it so we can sign you up.”

Carter shrugs, fidgeting uncomfortably in the seat. He spins his phone between his fingers, sighing.

“I get that it feels uncomfortable having someone that’s not your parents offer to pay for something,” Justin says quietly, changing lanes with ease. “When I first moved in with Matt and Lainie, I didn’t like the idea of them paying for anything for me. I had survived so long on my own, the thought of receiving help or things from them didn’t feel right.”

Beside him, Carter shifts and stares out the window.

“If it makes you feel any better, we’re given money for your expenses, and then we can request extra money for camps and activities if needed,” Justin tries again, pulling off onto the back roads towards home. “Jess and I haven’t spent a cent of that money given to us for you or Willow, so if you’d like, we can either use the funds we’re given weekly, or we can put in the request form to have money sent for the camp. Would that help?”

Carter tilts his head back, reaching for his seat belt as Justin pulls in front of their house. “I guess that could work, yeah,” Carter nods. “Are you sure you’d be okay with me doing this camp? It’s on the weekends, which would mean more things to go to, and now Willow’s playing soccer.”

“We’ll figure it out,” Justin says easily, reaching in the back to grab his bag. “Don’t sacrifice something you want because you think it’ll be impossible to work out. Let Jess and I handle that.”

Carter pulls his backpack onto his back, adjusting his football things in his hand. “Okay, fine,” he admits quietly, but as Justin follows him up the back walk, he sees the smile creeping up on Carter’s face, masking it when he turns and drops his football equipment on the back deck.

--

Jess had spent hours googling how to go about introducing pregnancy to foster children, or how it would impact them once they knew. Naively, she had been hoping that Carter and Willow would be allowed back with their father before she really started showing. It’s not that she wanted them gone - it was quickly becoming the opposite - but she wanted the easy way out.

She wanted something to work out seamlessly for the first time in a long time.

But she was quickly beginning to show, a small bump now noticeable when wearing some of her suits for work, and Carter and Willow weren’t oblivious. It was only a matter of time before they noticed, and the last thing Jess wanted to do was have them find out before she and Justin could sit down and talk to them about it.

Standing in her bathroom, Jess goes through the routine of getting ready for the day, the laughter and chatter of Justin, Carter and Willow floating throughout the house. She takes her time putting on makeup, grateful for the energy she finds she’s regaining as she progresses through the pregnancy. She does her hair, thankful for Justin taking the lead in the mornings to give her some time alone, and then takes a moment to turn to the side and look at her bump.

The barely there bump that hides beneath her oversized t-shirts and Justin’s sweatpants on Friday evenings. The bump that she’s wished for for so long and waited so long to have. She knows it’s barely there and most people wouldn’t suspect anything, but for her, it’s a culmination of years of trying and trials and hardships that she and Justin had been through just to get to this point.

“Jessica, Justin said that we could go to the park, but he said to -” Willow’s voice trails through the hall upstairs, getting closer until it comes to an abrupt stop when she appears in the doorway. Willow stares as Jess drops her t-shirt, furrowing her eyebrows. “Are you having a baby?”

Jess knows all she has to do is lie and say that she isn’t. She knows that Willow is 6, she’ll forget about the question and it’ll buy them a little more time to tell both of them together.

But Willow is smarter than the average 6 year old, and lying to her feels like breaking her trust, trust that they’re still working on and have made huge strides to continue to build.

“You are, aren’t you?” Willow asks, eyes brimming with tears as she shakes her head quickly and stumbles backwards. “You’re going to get rid of us now!” she yells, quickly turning on her heels and running towards the hall.

“Willow, wait,” Jess tries, voice weak as she follows her out of the bathroom and towards the hall, where her head is buried in Carter’s legs.

“What is going on, Wills? You were just having the best morning,” Carter says, glancing at the staircase as Justin joins them.

“Jess is having a baby and she’s going to get rid of us!” Willow cries, sobbing into Carter’s legs.

Carter looks between them both, and Justin stares at Jess, wide-eyed.

“Willow, we are not getting rid of you two,” Jess says firmly. “I promise you, you are staying with us.”

Justin reaches the top step, bending down in front of Willow. “Do you still want to go to the park, or do you want to stay here and talk with me and Jess about the baby?”

“Go to the park, but not with Jess,” she mumbles, using her fists to push away the tears. “Can we go now?”

Justin chews on his lip, looking up at Jess as she nods. “Yeah, okay. Let’s go now,” he agrees. “Carter, do you want to come with us?” he asks, standing back up.

Carter looks between the two, shrugging. “I’ll meet you guys there, okay, Willow?” he promises, and watches as Willow agrees and walks towards her room to get dressed.

“You don’t have to stay with me,” Jess says quietly. “I know we had this day planned, and that shouldn’t change now just because I’m not going.”

A smile flashes across Carter’s face as he shakes his head. “I um, can we talk before I go with them?”

Nodding, Jess leads him downstairs. She makes herself a cup of tea, says goodbye to Justin and Willow as they put on their shoes and walk out the door to the park, and joins Carter in the living room, where he shuts off the TV and looks at Jess.

“Is it true that you’re pregnant?” he asks, voice cautious and guarded.

Jess takes a breath, cradling her mug in her hands, and nods quickly. “Justin and I were just going to begin talking about how to share with you and Willow,” she explains quietly. “I’ve had many, many issues getting pregnant, and I was fearful that if we shared too early, I’d miscarry and we’d have to explain that. It’s not a good reason as to why we hid it from you.”

“How did Willow find out?”

“I was looking at my barely there bump in the mirror when she walked in to tell me about how we were going to go to the park today. I didn’t hear her coming, and I guess she figured it out.”

Carter nods, staring at his lap. The room is silent for a moment, the birds chirp outside the open window and Jess stares as a car drives past. “We can talk about whatever you want, Carter, or if you’d rather, you can go join them at the park. I’ll be okay here by myself.”

“When Willow said that you guys are going to get rid of us, was that true?” he asks, snapping his head up to look at her. “Do you guys want us to go somewhere else now that you’re having your own kid?”

Jess frowns, setting her mug on the end table and reaching over. “It’s absolutely not true,” she says firmly, mindful of the tumultuous few weeks and months both Carter and Willow have had. Being ripped from their father’s care, put into a temporary foster placement, and then moved to them, Jess knows they haven’t had an easy time. She doesn’t want to be the person that makes it harder.

“Carter, I hope you know that you and your sister have brightened mine and Justin’s lives more than you could ever realize,” she continues, resting her hand on Carter’s arm. “There is nothing that could make us want to send you to a new foster home. And I know that maybe that isn’t easy to believe, but I want you to know that Justin and I absolutely love being your foster parents, and we plan to be just that for you both for as long as you need.”

Carter stares at her hand, blinking as he nods. “I… did you know you were pregnant before we came to live with you guys?”

“We found out a few days before,” Jess says. “Those mornings that Justin took the lead so I could stay in bed? I was sick, I didn’t think I could make it downstairs.”

Carter nods again. “And we’re going to stay with you for as long as we need to? No moving around again?”

“You’ll be with us for as long as you need to be. Even if you’re still here when we have the baby, then they’ll just have even more people to love them.”

The sentiment seems to reassure Carter, who carefully pulls his hand away and leans back against the cushions. “I have to go get ready. I guess I’ll meet them at the park.”

Curling her legs beneath her, Jess nods. “Carter, if you ever have any questions, or you want to talk about this more, you can talk to me or Justin. Moving forward, I will be as open as appropriate with you both on the pregnancy and what’s going on.”

Carter stands, smiling politely as he smooths out his t-shirt. “Thanks, Jess,” he says sincerely, disappearing down the hall to grab his sneakers.

Jess stands by the front door after saying goodbye, watching Carter walk down the sidewalk and disappear behind the trees of their neighbors.

With the house quiet, Jess takes her time picking up the stray toys and clothes littered downstairs, and throws in a load of laundry. Taking herself upstairs, she runs a bath and sinks beneath the lukewarm water, finally allowing herself to cry.

--

Afraid to be alone with her thoughts, Jess fired off three panic texts to Naomi, who turned up with a smoothie and a package of candy, a sympathetic smile passing her face.

“Whatever happened, I’m sure it can’t be as bad as you’re making it out to be,” she offers, moving her way through the kitchen and setting her things down. “So, they found out earlier than you two were planning?”

“It’s not even that,” Jess sighs, shaking her head. “We were planning on telling them soon now that we know everything is going well and I’m starting to show. It’s the fact that they found out without us telling them. They found out because I didn’t shut my bedroom door when I was getting ready, and Willow walked in before I had a chance to hide the bump, which is barely even anything, by the way.”

Naomi tears open the candy packaging, offering Jess first pick. “Did you guys talk it through after?”

“Willow didn’t really give me a chance to,” she sighs, biting off a piece of the gummy. “I talked to Carter about it and reassured him that this doesn’t change anything about them living with us, and he seems more okay with things. Justin took Willow to the park before we talked, but I’m hoping some time away from me will give her the space she needs so we can talk about things and hopefully be in a better place.”

Noami nods, taking a sip of her smoothie. “Kid emotions are all over the place. Obviously Willow would be upset, but I don’t think this means things are ruined between the two of you. You can still talk things through with her after she gets home and reassure her that she’s not going anywhere. I’m sure Justin is doing that, but it won’t hurt her to hear the same from you, too.”

Nodding, Jess reaches for her smoothie. “So you don’t think I’m like, the worst foster mom in the world for not telling her before she found out?”

Naomi laughs, shaking her head. “No, I don’t think you’re a horrible foster mom for not telling her before she found out on her own,” she assures her. “You’re a great foster mom, you just had one little hiccup. It’s not the end of the world.”

Jess blows out a breath, pulling another gummy from the bag. “I’m choosing to believe you because it makes my own sanity feel better,” she says with a smile. “My guess is we have some time before they’re back from the park, and you have time away from a four year old. What do you want to do?”

“I want to lay here and watch trashy reality TV with you without feeling guilty for not doing something more productive,” she laughs, leaning back on the sofa and reaching for the remote as Jess enthusiastically agrees.

--

Justin was used to awkward moments with kids who don’t know him that well. He’d spent many hours in the backyards of parents who were talking with other social workers or police, distracting them and playing games until they knew the next steps.

But it was different with Willow. He’d spent so much time the last few weeks getting to know her, studying her little quirks and falling in love with her confident and loud personality as she warmed up to both of them. He knew that her favorite show was Power Rangers, she loved the color purple, and her favorite animal was a hippo. She had so many quirks and such a funny personality, and Justin found himself wanting to soak up every moment listening to everything she had to say.

But today she’s subdued, hands on her hips as she lazily kicks the soccer ball between the two of them. She hadn’t said a word, only reaching for his hand when they crossed the street on their walk there, and Justin felt horrible that he didn’t know how to make this better.

“Do you want to talk, kid?” he tries, but it feels awkward and far too formal for a 6 year old who’s still clearly upset about the news she found out this morning.

Willow looks up at him, chewing on her lip. “Are you going to make me and Carter leave?”

“Absolutely not,” Justin reassures her. “You and Carter will be with us for as long as you need to, okay? You two are not leaving just because we’re having a baby.”

Willow nods quickly. “I was mean to Jess.”

“You were upset, sweetheart. She’s not mad,” Justin reasons, kicking the ball back gently. “We wanted to tell you and Carter together soon. You found out before we could tell you.”

Willow kicks the ball back hard, the smallest of smiles appearing when Justin is caught off guard and has to move back to retrieve the ball. “Will you tell me about the baby?”

Justin returns to his spot, kicking the ball back. “When we know more, sure,” he promises with a smile. “We’re not going to hide anything about the baby anymore, okay? You will know everything.”

“Okay,” Willow agrees. “I want to say sorry to Jess.”

“You can when we go home, okay?” Justin promises, watching as Willow agrees and kicks the ball back to him, running up to Carter when he joins them, the two of them going over to the swings.

He sits on a park bench and watches as they hang out together, sending a quick text to Jess before he forgets.

Talked it through with Willow. She’s fine, she understands, and she wants to say sorry when we get home. I love you <3

--

Jess is making lunch when the three come in the front door, Willow running through the living room and into the kitchen, wrapping her arms around Jess’ legs.

“I’m sorry for being mean and not listening to you when you tried to talk to me about the baby,” she says quickly, leaning back to peer up at Jess.

Jess smiles, brushing back flyaways from Willow’s forehead. “It’s okay, sweetheart. You had every right to be upset, but I promise you we’re not going to hide anything about the baby anymore, okay? If you ever have questions, you can ask.”

Willow nods, resting her chin carefully on Jess’ stomach. “Is it a boy or a girl?”

Jess laughs. “We don’t know yet, but we can find out soon,” she says, pinching Willow’s cheek. “I was making some sandwiches. Want to help me?”

“Yes!” Willow exclaims, pulling back and running to the stool at the island, climbing up and leaning over as she waits for a job.

Carter and Justin join them, the four of them laughing and teasing each other as they make lunch, the tension and worry from this morning slowly dissipating.

--

As date nights have turned into evenings at home, Jess and Justin wait until Willow is in bed and Carter’s in his room before turning on a movie, curling up together on the sofa. Jess leans against Justin’s side, his hand draped around her shoulder as he scrolls through and picks a movie they’d been waiting to see, reaching for his tea on the end table.

Carter appears in the entryway of the room, shoulders hunched. “Sorry, I know you two were having alone time, and I didn’t mean to intrude on that,” he announces, watching as Justin pauses the movie and sets the remote away.

“Carter, you don’t have to apologize,” he begins, sitting up. “Is there anything you need?”

Carter hesitates, shakes his head, turning to leave, and then turns back. “I just… I would understand if you decided later that having two foster kids and having a kid of your own would be too much. I think that’d be a lot for me if I was one of you,” he begins. “If in the future, like when you’re more pregnant or you have the baby and we’re still here, if you decide that you want to move us out to a new foster home, could you just make sure that Willow and I stay together? I don’t want her to ever be alone with strangers, and I don’t want to have to worry about her or wonder where she is. I just… I need to be with her.”

The air in the room stiffens. Justin grows concerned, leaning forward and shaking his head. “Carter, buddy, that will not happen, okay?” he reassures him. “We knew Jess was pregnant before you arrived, and we are not planning on making you leave just because we’re having our own kid. We want you both here, we love having you here, and we have absolutely zero plans of making you guys leave just because we’re having our own kid. You will be with Willow the entire time.”

“As long as you’re still in foster care, you will be with us. Until your dad is deemed fit to be your parent again, you and Willow will be staying right here,” Jess promises. “You don’t have to worry Carter, okay?”

They watch as Carter’s shoulders visibly relax, a smile spreading across his face. “Yeah, okay,” he nods, shoving his hands into the pocket of his sweatshirt. “Goodnight.”

“Night, Carter,” they both chorus, waiting until he’s down the hall.

Jess turns to Justin, pressing her head against his chest. “This is going to be a whole new obstacle,” she murmurs into his t-shirt, shaking her head. “How did we not think about this? We should’ve just told them.”

“We waited for a personal reason,” he reminds her, spreading his head across her back. “From now on, we will involve them. If we find out what we’re having, we tell them. They can help us pick out clothes and decorate the nursery, and if they ever have questions, we make sure they know that they can come to us.”

With Justin’s words reverberating in her mind, Jess takes a breath and nods. “Okay,” she whispers, leaning back to kiss him. “We involve them from now on, and we answer questions they have,” she repeats, slowly becoming more comfortable with the arrangement.

They would learn to navigate through this, just as they had with everything else.

Chapter Text

After almost two months of having a chance to become a family, Jess and Justin finally feel like they’re falling into a routine.

It’s not easy at first. There’s tantrums and back and forth as they navigate discipline and control. Willow is easygoing at first, and then defiant when she wants to be. Carter has no problem with curfews and their rules that are few and far between, but when it comes to how he once was with helping calm Willow down, he’s suddenly nowhere to be found and his help is usually interpreted as staying out of the way.

Jess feels her bump growing, her days at work getting longer as a big case comes in, and their weekends that were once filled with getting work done around the house and spending time together have turned to football camp for Carter and soccer games for Willow, something they find themselves loving more than they ever thought they would.

But for as quickly as Justin took to being a dad, there’s still doubts that fill his mind, a sense of dread and anxiety keeping him up at night. There have been moments where he’s laid awake staring at the ceiling wondering if he and Jess made the right choice, or if fostering really was something he had wanted to do, or if he felt the obligation to do it because it saved his life.

He loves Carter and Willow, he can’t imagine his life without them in it now, but sometimes he wonders if they would’ve been better off with a much better family who wasn’t worried about how their biological unborn child would mesh into this world should it still be their circumstances when the time comes.

Clay has always been Justin’s voice of reason. He’s always been no nonsense, says what he feels, and doesn’t hold back. Justin took a while to get used to the bluntness that would fill their conversations, but now he’s come to welcome it, often finding himself sitting in Clay’s house begging him for advice on how to handle a situation.

“Everything is going great, Carter’s grades have gotten so much better, Willow is thriving, and yet I still find myself wondering if I’m doing the right thing or if maybe we started fostering at the wrong time, or if maybe they’d be better off with a family who wasn’t having their own biological child so they could have all the attention,” Justin rambles, words tumbling out of his mouth quickly as he falls onto Clay’s sofa. “They’ve been through so much, what if they just end up feeling abandoned because we decided we wanted our own kid at the same time they came to live with us?”

Clay hands a glass of water to Justin, sitting down across from him. “I think you’re panicking because now the kids know you’re having a baby and you’re worried they’re going to hate you,” Clay says. “But they’ve known for a while now and they seem excited, so you don’t need to freak out over it.”

Justin leans up, taking a sip of his water as he shrugs.

“You don’t have to believe me,” Clay continues with a smirk. “But you guys didn’t plan on getting pregnant when you did, and you know those kids are so safe with you, and probably safer with both of you than they are with any other foster family. You’re just trying to talk yourself out of it, but you’re over thinking. You’re being like me.”

“Shut up,” Justin says with a laugh, shaking his head. “I don’t know when I got to be like you, but if that isn’t an incentive to stop overthinking things, I don’t know what is.”

Clay shakes his head, leaning back in the chair. “You don’t have to be this perfect parent. You don’t have to have it all together, or feel like you know what you’re doing. I still worry that I’m not doing the right thing with Hudson, and he’s been mine his whole life,” Clay says gently. “You were thrust into a parent role with a teenager and a 6 year old that has opinions and knows what she wants, no one is expecting you to know the answers to everything. Just love them, support them, give them what they need. They’ll love you back.”

Justin tips his head back, finishing the last of his water. “You oddly always know what to say.”

“It’s a talent,” Clay smirks. “You gonna be okay? Or should I keep talking you out of this spiral you’ve somehow gotten yourself into.”

Justin reaches for the pillow behind his head and tosses it at Clay. “We have a child’s soccer game to get to, so the rest of my spiraling will be held for a later date,” he announces, standing up and following Clay back through his house, laughing when he rolls his eyes and mumbles under his breath.

--

Jess sits down on the front step beside Willow, watching as she pokes a rock with a stick, her knees skinned and elbows bruised.

“My mom just left one night after she got in a fight with Daddy,” she announces, lifting her head to stare at a car that passes by. “Carter told me that Mama cared about other things more than she cared about us.”

Jess frowns, folding her hands in her lap. “I’m sure that’s not true, sweetheart,” she tries, but it’s weak and Jess doesn’t believe herself when she says it, knowing all too well that Justin knows the heartbreak of a mother who chooses drugs over her child. Willow doesn’t seem to believe it either, looking at her sideways, her eyes squinted as the sun shines above them.

“Sometimes people don’t make very good decisions,” she tries again. “I think your mama loved being your mama very much, but she had some… some other things that she needed to work out. Does that make sense?”

Willow shifts her gaze back to the pebble in front of them, reaching forward and pressing it beneath her finger. “I guess,” she shrugs. “Are you going to care about the baby more than us?”

Chewing on her lip, Jess waves at a neighbor as she walks by. “Never, Willow,” she says, hoping it sounds confident. “You and your brother mean so much to Justin and me. The baby will not be more important than the two of you, okay?”

“Do you think we can stay at the park after my soccer game today?”

Jess laughs, sitting up straight. “Sure, sweetheart. As long as the weather stays nice, we’ll stay at the park after your game.”

--

Jess finds more amusement in Clay as a soccer dad than she does watching their kids play soccer together in a local rec league that puts all the younger kids together. Jess influenced Naomi to sign Hudson up with Willow, and their Saturday mornings were now spent at the local soccer field watching young kids try to learn how to play the game with little success.

Justin had always been athletic, super competitive, and Jess had expected him to be into Willow’s soccer league as if it made a difference if they won the game or even if they were really doing the right thing. What she hadn’t expected was the sudden competitive streak that arose in Clay, who became incredibly competitive when it came to figuring out soccer.

“Clay, this really doesn’t matter,” Naomi laughs, wrapping her hands around his arm. “Hudson is 4, we’re lucky he even gets the concept that he can’t pick the ball up with his hands.”

Justin laughs at Clay failing to hide his frustration over how little it resembles a soccer game, tossing him a bottle of water from his chair on the sidelines. “Did you think you were raising the next soccer prodigy?” he teases, watching as Clay slumps into the chair beside him. “You better figure out how to reign in this competitiveness before Matt and Lainie come to watch and wonder if their oldest son was possessed by someone who cares about sports.”

Carter watches in amusement from his own chair, digging through the cooler between he and Jess to pull out a bag of Goldfish. “Wait, Clay doesn’t care about sports?” he asks, looking between the two of them. “The last few weeks of soccer I just figured he was super into sports like you are, he just didn’t play football with you or whatever.”

“Clay played zero sports,” Justin informs him, a wry smile passing his face. “He used to complain about me being on the football team, he hated going to anything athletic with me. But apparently dad Clay has found a new competitive streak, and it’s very amusing for me.”

“I just get so frustrated,” Clay argues, leaning back in his chair. “I get they’re kind of learning soccer, but they’re also just all circling around the ball and kicking it at each other’s legs. I’m more surprised you’re being this chill about it.”

Justin laughs, shaking his head. “They’re 6 and under, Clay,” he reminds him, “I can’t say I had my expectations sky high for this soccer league. As long as they’re both having fun, I really don’t care about anything else.”

Clay nods slowly beside him, leaning forward for a juice box when Hudson and Willow finish up their game and run towards them, treats in hand.

“Can we stay and play on the playground like you said? And Hudson can stay too?” Willow asks, stabbing the Capri Sun with a straw and taking a sip.

They all agree and pack up their things while Carter takes the kids over to the playground.

They all sit and watch the kids run around together, Carter swinging lazily on the swings despite numerous offers for him to go home if he doesn't want to stay. Justin and Clay share videos between the two of them while their wives talk, their happy moment interrupted when Willow runs up to them with tears streaming down her face, her knee bleeding.

“Willow, what happened?” Jess sighs, tearing herself away from the conversation.

Willow sniffles, bottom lip wobbling as she presses her hands to her shorts. “I jumped off the steps and tripped and fell,” she whimpers, allowing Naomi to help her up onto the bench beside Jess. “It really hurts, Jess!”

“I know, I know,” Jess soothes, digging through her bag and pulling out the tiny first aid kit she’d tossed in there. “I’m going to use some water to wash it off, okay?”

“I can do it,” Carter offers, standing awkwardly beside them.

Jess looks up, smiling. “I can clean it, but why don’t you hold your sister's hand?” she offers, understanding his need to feel useful when it’s Willow that got hurt.

Carter agrees immediately, sticking out his hand for Willow to take as he talks to her about her soccer game and how once she has a bandaid on she can go play again, Jess smiling as she works quickly to clean and bandage the cut, smiling when she finishes.

“You are all bandaged up,” Jess says, putting her things back in her purse. “Do you want to keep playing?”

Willow wipes her hands with her fists, nodding. “Can I go back with Hudson?”

“Sure,” Jess nods. “But maybe no more jumping off of things, okay kiddo?”

A smile passes across Willow’s face as she nods, sliding off the bench and running back to the playground with Hudson.

--

“You had expert mom skills back at the park today,” Justin says with a smile as he cuts up vegetables for dinner. “I mean you managed to reassure both of them at the same time. That takes next level skills.”

Behind him, Jess laughs and shakes her head. “I felt like I was doing it all wrong, but they all made it out alive and now Willow is fighting to keep her eyes open until dinner, so I consider that a win.”

Justin nods, letting a moment of silence pass between them. “Did it give you any sort of comfort about raising our own kid?” he asks timidly, turning back to look at her. “Because sometimes I think yeah, I was good with Hudson when he was a baby, but we gave him back to Naomi and Clay. I just… the longer we take care of Carter and Willow, the more confident I am that I can actually be a good dad. Right from the beginning, I mean.”

“You worried you weren’t going to be a good dad?” Jess asks, a puzzled look on her face. “Justin, you are more ready for a kid than anyone I know. You’re such a natural with them, how could you think you weren’t ready?”

Justin shrugs uncomfortably, tossing the carrots into a pot. “I grew up with a drug addict mom and an absent dad. I didn’t have great parent role models,” he reminds her quietly. “I had Matt and Lainie when I was a teenager, and I had Bryce’s nannies and maids when we were Willow’s age, but I didn’t have anything consistent. And if I didn’t have any sort of example until I was 16, how am I supposed to be a good dad when they’re a kid?”

Jess sets her knife down, walking to stand behind Justin and wrap her arms around his middle. “I have never had a single doubt that you were going to be an amazing dad,” she mumbles, pressing her lips to his t-shirt. “You have always been incredible with Hudson, but my heart melts when I watch you practice football with Carter or watch a movie or play games with Willow. You are such a natural, Justin, and just because you didn’t have loving parents and shining examples until you got adopted doesn’t mean you don’t know how to be a parent.”

Justin tilts his head back, leaning against her. “I’m just glad I’m doing it with you.”

Jess laughs, tilting her head to kiss his cheek. “Okay, Foley. No need to get all cheesy on me,” she teases, stepping back. “But if you feel like this again, you can talk to me, you know? You don’t have to bottle it up or hide it or whatever.”

“I know,” Justin nods, swallowing. “I promise I’ll talk about it more now. It’s been getting better, but I still struggle some days.”

“I’m nervous, too,” she admits. “But I am glad that we’re doing this together, and your parents are nearby, and Clay and Naomi are going to be able to help us. We don’t have to face this alone. We don’t… we have so much help. We will be able to do this.”

Justin nods. “Do you worry about what life will look like if we still have Carter and Willow?”

“I don’t worry about it,” she admits after a brief pause. “I just hope that if they are still with us, they know that we love them and we consider them part of our family as well, and just because this baby is biologically ours doesn’t mean we feel different about them.”

Justin turns to kiss her. “Then I’m going to do my best to not worry about it either,” he assures her with an easy smile. “That’s a problem for when it happens, and we can adjust just like we have been.”

“Exactly,” Jess agrees. “Now, you better get to roasting those vegetables before Willow falls asleep and is cranky throughout dinner because we made her wake up.”

Justin shakes his head with a laugh, spreading the vegetables out on a baking tray, and is comforted by the sounds of Carter and Willow talking quietly in the other room, their laughter echoing off the walls.

--

“Well, I wasn’t expecting to open our front door and find you here,” Justin says with a smile as he greets Ani, stepping aside to let her in.

Ani smiles, stepping inside. “I just have a few things to drop off for the bridal shower, but I didn’t even think about Jess being out. I should’ve texted.”

“You know you’re always welcome to stop by whenever you want,” Justin says, leading her back to the kitchen. “Jess just took Willow to a playdate at her friend’s house. She’ll be back soon. You’re more than welcome to hang out with me since Carter is with his friends and I’m home alone, unless you have a better option.”

“It’s always an honor to get to spend time with you,” Ani says with a smile, sitting down at their island. “How’s being a foster dad going? And you’re going to have a newborn in a few months. Are you excited about it all?”

“Loving being a foster dad,” Justin confirms with a smile, pouring them both lemonade. “More nervous about the whole newborn stage and having an actual, real life, biological child to take care of.”

Ani furrows her eyebrows. “You’re nervous about it?” She asks, accepting her glass from his outstretched hand. “But why? You were great with Hudson, great with Tyler’s daughter, what’s going to change now?”

“The fact that I could give their kids back to their parents,” Justin shrugs, sighing. “I don’t know. It’s going to be so different when it’s our own kid, and I can’t help but worry that I’ll end up exactly how my mom was. Out of it, less than thrilled about anything to do with me, and ready to send me off to anyone else.”

“Justin,” Ani sighs, chewing on her lip. “You can’t possibly think you’re going to be a terrible dad, do you?”

“I don’t think I could be as bad as her, but I don’t know.”

“No way you’ll be as bad as her,” Ani says firmly. “You’ve had Lainie raising you for over ten years, and you have completely changed your life. You’re clean, you’re attentive, and you already care so much about this baby. That’s a million years ahead of any parenting you had as a kid.”

Nodding, Justin leans against the counter. “I feel like it’s just my panic moment. Clay talks me off the ledge at least once a week,” he laughs. “I’ll figure it out, I know it’ll be okay.”

“You’ll be a million times better than your mom. I have the most faith in that. But if you ever need to be talked off the ledge and Clay is busy, I am always available,” she promises, turning to the back door when Jess walks in. “Just the person I’ve been looking for.”

Jess smiles, setting her keys down. “Please don’t tell me we had plans and they just slipped my mind.”

“We did not,” Ani confirms, standing up. “I was told to bring you photos for my shower, so I’ve brought them. I told Justin I should’ve called before I stopped by, but it did get me bonus alone time with your husband.”

Jess laughs, looking through the photos. “I’m sure that was a treat,” she teases, looking up at her husband.

“I’m a delight,” Justin argues, setting his glass in the sink. “I’m still just as popular as I was in high school. So popular, in fact, that I’m going to meet Charlie for lunch.”

“Good, pick up Willow on your way home,” Jess laughs as she kisses him, turning back to Ani as the two laugh through the old photos she brought along to drop off.

--

Justin had grown accustomed to Charlie’s always positive attitude. He remembers being in high school and feeling so frustrated at Charlie’s optimistic outlook on everything, even when it was all falling apart around them. Charlie was the friend that got them through everything, that kept a level head and navigated a plan, and even though there were days Justin wished he would just go with the flow, he’s grateful for it now.

So when Charlie sends him a panicked text asking if he can meet for lunch at the bistro, Justin can’t help but feel a slight worry in the back of his mind that something is wrong. Because Charlie is a planner, and asking him to come to lunch last minute is not something Charlie normally does.

But he walks into the bistro and Charlie smiles brightly, waving him over. “Sorry for the last minute lunch invite, but a meeting got canceled and I didn’t want to wait anymore.”

Justin slides into his chair, setting his phone down. “Is everything okay?” he asks carefully, eyebrows knitting in concern. “You are like, the last person that ever asks to do something last minute. And if you didn’t want to wait, that must mean something is wrong, right?”

Charlie’s eyes widen, and then he laughs, shaking his head. “What? No, nothing is wrong,” he assures him, “or, well, nothing serious at least. Everyone is fine.”

Justin relaxes, orders a soda from the waitress when she returns, and then looks back to Charlie. “So if everything is fine, what didn’t you want to wait for anymore?”

Charlie sighs, twirling his straw through his drink. “I’m sure Jess told you that she and Alex hung out,” he begins, watching Justin nod. “Alex and I have been talking a lot more about starting a family, and I guess it’s sort of all just making my head spin.”

Justin laughs, ordering his lunch. “Okay, so where do you want to start?”

Taking a breath, Charlie hands his menu back to the waitress. “So, Alex seems like maybe fostering is a good place to start,” he begins. “We both have good jobs, but surrogacy is a long process and expensive, and we decided maybe that’s not the way to go right now.”

“So you’re down to fostering and adoption.”

“Alex seems really interested in fostering,” Charlie continues. “And I think it’s great, and I know you and Jess are really enjoying it, but I’m worried that maybe I won’t be able to handle it.”

“You mean you won’t be able to handle the whole temporary part of it,” Justin clarifies, smiling when the relief washes over Charlie and he nods. “Have you told Alex about how you’re feeling?”

“Not exactly,” Charlie admits, a sheepish smile plastered on his face. “He’s been so into looking at foster care and processes and talking about meeting up with you that I just haven’t had the heart to tell him that maybe we should think about adoption, at least this first time.”

Justin takes a sip of his soda. “I think you need to think about what you want,” he begins. “Alex seems excited about fostering, but there’s no guarantee that leads to adoption. You go into it assuming that the kids will be reunited with their parents or guardians.”

“That’s what worries me,” Charlie admits. He thanks the waitress as she sets their lunches in front of them. “You know how I am. I like consistency. I like being able to know that things are stable and predictable. And fostering is so unpredictable. I just… I worry that maybe that’s not for me, at least in the beginning.”

“Alex has always been spontaneous,” Justin replies. “He’s going to want to foster because it’s quick, it’s temporary usually, and there’s a lot going on. But if this is something you’re nervous about, I think you need to sit down and have a talk with him about how you see your future together. You’re married now, Char, and having kids is a huge life change. You need to make sure you’re both on the same page.”

Charlie’s shoulders slouch as he takes a bite of his sandwich. “I know. I’m going to suggest that maybe we think about adoption first and see how it goes.”

“Good plan,” Justin agrees. “Whatever you choose is going to work out for both of you. You’re going to be great parents, and if you need the cliche packets or brochures about fostering and adoption that you two can look through, you know where to find me.”

Charlie rolls his eyes and tosses his napkin playfully in Justin’s direction, both of them laughing as more people filter into the bistro and sit at the tables surrounding them.

Chapter Text

Most mornings Jess felt like they were racing against the clock to get out the door and to school on time, feeling the exhaustion seep through her bones as she struggles to find court-appropriate clothes with each passing day.

But the mornings when they could take their time were the mornings she savored the most, the slow breakfasts and talks about what they’re going to do at school that day quickly becoming the highlight of her morning.

Willow requests frozen waffles for breakfast, chocolate chip remnants dotted along the corners of her mouth as she thanks Jess quietly when she hands her a napkin.

“Are you having a boy or a girl?” she asks, wiping the napkin roughly across her mouth as Jess chokes on her tea, composing herself and setting her mug down on the island.

“We don’t know yet,” she says with a smile. “I think we can find out in a few weeks.”

“Who will tell you?”

Jess smiles. “The doctor will tell us.”

Willow nods, reaching for her glass of milk. “Can I come to the doctor with you and see?”

Surprised at Willow’s sharp turn to wanting to be involved, Jess raises her eyebrows. “Sure, if you want to be there, I think it’s fine for you to come,” she says with a smile. “The appointment is after school, so I’ll have Justin pick you up and we can all go together, okay?”

“Okay!” Willow nods, setting her glass back on the table.

“Where are we going?” Carter asks, hair disheveled as he sits down next to his sister at the island.

Willow stabs another piece of waffle, looking at her brother. “Jess said that I could go with her and Justin to the doctor and find out if the baby is a boy or a girl.”

Carter nods, tapping his fingers against the counter. “Oh, that’s cool.”

“Would you like to come with us?” Jess offers, packing the last of their lunches.

Carter hesitates, folding his hands in front of him. “Nah, I’m okay,” he decides, much more subdued than he had been a few minutes before.

“Carter, you’ve gotta eat breakfast,” Justin interrupts before Jess has a chance to ask if he’s okay. “I have a house visit right after I drop you off, so we have to be out of here on time.”

“Right, yeah,” Carter nods, standing and grabbing a bowl for cereal, and the quiet time they had once been sharing is replaced by the chaos of a normal morning, Jess making a mental note to talk to Carter later that afternoon.

--

Following a morning at court, Jess packed up her things and took her work home, setting up in their dining room where she could spread out across the tables, notebook at her side and relevant files stacked neatly.

She opened the window to filter in fresh air, comforted by the birds chirping and the neighbor’s children playing out in their backyard. She lets her mind wander, dreaming of lazy summer days with a baby pool in the backyard they can dip their child’s toes into, sipping a cocktail and laughing at Justin as he splashes in the pool alongside their baby.

She hesitates dreaming about Carter and Willow playing outside alongside them, cautious to not be too eager to think about a long-term future that involves the two of them. She’d been hopeful, but she understands that the goal is to get them back in their dad’s custody, and there’s a chance that happens before summer comes and these fantasies can be played out in her mind.

She’s caught in a daydream when the front door opens, and the familiar footsteps of Carter flow through the front of the house.

“Oh, hey. I didn’t see your car,” he greets her. “Did you have court today?” he asks, dropping his bag on the floor and sinking into a free chair at the table.

Jess smiles, closing the lid to her laptop partway. “I did, and I didn’t want to be in my office the rest of the day. I get a lot more done here,” she says. “How was school?”

“Okay, I guess,” he shrugs. “The coaches gave us the night off from practice since we don’t have a game tonight. I figured I’d come home and work on this English assignment since it’ll probably take me a while.”

Jess nods, checking her phone before setting it down. “If you need help or anything, Justin or I can look it over. And his dad is an English professor, so he can help you even more than we can if you’re stuck,” she smiles.

Carter nods, stands to get a snack, and returns a moment later. “So does Justin call Matt and Lainie his parents?” he asks, digging his hand into the bowl of goldfish. “Sorry, I know that’s probably a rude question, I just… you guys are our first foster parents where one of you was adopted, so I don’t really have any experience.”

Caught off guard by the question, Jess hesitates. “It’s not rude. He calls them his parents when he talks about them as a pair, and I just refer to them as his parents, but he usually just calls them Matt and Lainie when he talks to them or about them specifically,” she explains. “He was put in their emergency custody at 16, and then adopted at 17, so calling them mom and dad was never really something he felt like he wanted to do. Every once in a while he says it, but not usually.”

Carter nods. “I guess it would be weird to just start calling new people mom and dad if you were older when you were adopted.”

Jess nods, allowing a moment to pass between them. “Carter,” she breathes, closing her laptop fully and looking at him. “This morning, when we asked about you coming to the appointment with us, it seemed like there was something on your mind. Do you want to talk about anything?”

For a moment, Jess thinks maybe Carter is going to get up and leave. She wouldn’t blame him, the nagging feeling in the back of her mind wondering if she approached this all wrong and she should’ve allowed him to come to her. She watches as Carter stares at the flowers in the center of the table, takes a handful of goldfish to eat, and sighs.

“I was ten when Willow was born,” he begins, his eyes never breaking contact from the flowers. “Our mom was, or is, an alcoholic. She used to go out and party all the time, and when she was pregnant with Willow she stopped drinking, but she would talk about how much she missed it all the time and would tell me that she couldn’t wait to have the baby cause it meant she could get drunk again. I hoped that it would be the turning point, that she could see she didn’t need alcohol, but that didn’t happen.”

“I’m excited that you and Justin are having a baby, and you guys are so great with me and especially Willow, but when I think about you being pregnant and being our foster mom, I just think about how my mom barely made it through nine months sober before she was back to over drinking and abandoning us before she finally left for good.”

Jess opens her mouth to reply, and then abruptly closes it, shaking her head. “Carter, I don’t even know where to begin,” she whispers. “I know that Justin told you a little bit about his childhood, and while I didn’t live through anything like that, I want you to know that I’m here to listen to you. Whenever you need to talk, I’m here.”

She hesitantly reaches over, resting her hand on his arm. “There’s nothing I can say that will make you believe that I will not abandon you or your sister now, or when the baby gets here. I understand that me promising it means nothing to you because your mother let you down. But Carter, I want you to know that you and Willow are not being replaced, or kicked out, or shoved to the side because of this baby. And you can be as involved or uninvolved as you want, and Justin and I will still love and care for you the same way we always have.”

Carter breaks his trance from the flowers. “Thank you, seriously,” he nods. “And thanks for letting Willow be part of things. I know we may not be here when you have the baby, but she’s sort of baby obsessed, so this is heaven for her.”

A warm smile appears on Jess’ face. “Of course. We want both of you to feel involved, whether you’re here when the baby gets here or not. And for you, if that means not being really involved at all, that’s more than okay.”

Jess watches the relief flow over Carter, leaning back in his chair as he nods. “Thank you,” he says sincerely, pressing his hands to the table. “Would it be… I don’t want to overstep. But since it’s Friday and we don’t have a game this week, can a few friends come over and hang out?”

“Of course,” Jess says easily. “Justin texted and he’s tied up with a client, so it’ll just be us for dinner. I’ll order some pizza and you guys can hang out?”

“Yeah, okay,” Carter says, grabbing his water bottle and empty bowl. “I’m going to go text them. Thanks, Jess.”

--

Jess remembers their weekends spent in the outhouse so vividly throughout high school. They’d spend hours watching movies or playing games, huddled around the TV or piled into the kitchen area, Jess laying on Justin’s bed as he sat beside her.

High school was not ideal for her or any of her friends, but those memories have lasted a lifetime, and as they continue to hang out and be in each other’s lives, she has to think that maybe those hours spent in the outhouse being stupid teenagers were what solidified them as a friend group that has lasted the time of college and miles apart in their adult lives.

When Carter’s friends arrive as she returns home with Willow from school, she’s transported back to those Friday nights spent at the Jensen’s. Carter and his friends are spread out in the living room playing video games, and for as quiet and reserved as Carter had been, he’s laughing and teasing his friends, nudging his shoulder to try to distract them.

They all say a quick hello, kind smiles and waves from all of them, and Jess says a quick hello back before following Willow to the kitchen to get her a snack.

“How come Carter’s friends are here?” Willow asks, hanging her backpack up on the hook and walking over to the pantry to find a snack.

“He asked if he could have a few friends over tonight,” Jess explains, hanging up her things and pouring Willow a glass of juice. “Justin is working a little late today, so we’re going to order pizza for dinner. You and I can go watch movies in mine and Justin’s room, or we can go outside and play. It’s up to you.”

Closing the pantry door, Willow turns and sits down at the island. “I want to watch movies,” she decides. “Can I have friends over one day?”

“Of course,” Jess promises. “We’ll plan a playdate for you too, okay?”

Seemingly satisfied with the answer, Willow nods and hands Jess the snack to open, taking a sip of her juice. “I got my painting from art back today. It’s in my backpack,” she informs Jess, nodding over towards where she hung it up.

Jess retrieves it, a smile on her face as she flattens out the paper and looks at the photo of palm trees and the ocean. “This is amazing, Willow!” she exclaims, genuinely impressed by the 6 year old’s artwork that is already miles better than anything she’s ever done. “Should we hang it up on the fridge?”

Willow hides her smile behind her cup, shrugging. “Yeah, if you want to,” she nods, beaming when Jess turns around and clips it up onto the fridge with a magnet, smoothing out the edges. “I like it there.”

“I do, too,” Jess agrees. “What kind of pizza should we get tonight?”

Willow chews thoughtfully, reaching for her cup as she smiles. “Pepperoni,” she says, tipping the cup back. “And cheese, cause that’s Carter’s favorite.”

“We’ll get both then,” Jess decides. “Justin likes peppers.”

Willow scrunches her nose up, shaking her head. “He can have his own. That’s disgusting.”

“I agree,” Jess says with a laugh, turning back to pull the menu out of the drawer.

Jess sets out paper plates on the counter when the pizza arrives, placing hers and Willow’s portions on their own plates as Carter pulls drinks from the fridge and hands them to their friends.

“Willow and I are going to go watch a movie in mine and Justin’s room so we’re out of your way,” Jess says quietly when Carter is the only one left in the kitchen. “If you need anything, you can text me or come up and ask.”

Carter smiles, piling slices of pizza onto his plate. “Thanks, Jess,” he says sincerely, grabbing a soda from the counter. “Thank you for letting us hang out here.”

“Of course,” she smiles, rubbing his arm.

She watches him disappear back into the living room with his friends, and turns back to Willow. “Can you carry the drinks? And I will carry our dinner upstairs. We can eat in my bed and watch a movie.”

“Yes,” Willow nods, grabbing both of their drinks from the counter and following Jess upstairs, crawling into bed beside her.

Jess sets a towel over both of their laps before handing Willow her pizza, leaning back against the pillows. “I have plenty of napkins if you need them,” she reminds her, opening Willow’s juice box for her. “What movie did you want to watch, kid?”

Willow contemplates it for a moment, biting off a piece of her pizza, and shrugs. “Can we watch Tangled?”

Smiling, Jess nods and turns on the movie. “Is Rapunzel your favorite?”

“Uh huh,” Willow nods around a mouthful of pizza, reaching for her juice. “I like her hair.”

“Me too,” Jess agrees, turning the volume up and eating her dinner alongside Willow, who laughs and sings along to the movie as they watch it.

By the time they’re both finished dinner and Jess places their things on her nightstand, Willow has curled up against her side and rested her free hand against her belly, blinking slowly. Jess runs her fingers through Willow’s hair, gently untangling with her nails and twisting it around, letting it go and watching the ringlets fall back against Willow’s shoulders.

She doesn’t even notice Justin walk in until he’s standing at her side, a smile on his face as he presses a kiss to her head.

“Carter’s friends seem nice,” he comments quietly, dropping his bag on the chair in the corner of the room. “They’re having a heated MarioKart tournament. It reminds me of how we used to be.”

Jess laughs, shifting slightly as Willow stirs and then settles back against her. “We had a heart to heart, and then he asked if he could have some friends over. I figured it was the least they could do, and they definitely remind me of how we were when we were our age.”

“So you two have been hanging out up here?” Justin asks, disappearing into the bathroom to change out of his nicer clothes. “It’s really cute how her hand is on your bump.”

Jess looks down, smiling. “Yeah, I figured we’d eat up here and watch a movie. Make her feel special since Carter has his friends over.”

Justin nods, carefully laying down on his side of the bed. “I’m glad things are going well. I’m sorry I wasn’t home earlier, the home visit we were on was a little bit more complicated than we thought it was going to be.”

Jess shrugs, tracing patterns against Willow’s back. “It’s okay. We had a good evening, you’re home now, and we can hide up here away from teenagers until they go home.”

Justin laughs, shutting Tangled off and turning on Jess’ favorite reality show.

“It was nice seeing Carter so happy,” Justin says during a commercial, reaching for his own dinner he brought upstairs. “He was joking around and laughing with his friends. It made me feel like he’s finally feeling settled.”

“It took a while, but I think we got there,” Jess agrees, looking down at Willow. “We dreamed for moments like this, remember?”

Laughing, Justin nods and reaches for his soda. “And now they’re here, and I can’t imagine our lives without them,” he mumbles. “I mean, even in just the last few months, we’ve come such a long way. WIllow wouldn’t have even curled up next to you before, and now you two are up here cuddling and watching movies.”

Jess smiles, reaching her hand over to take Justin’s. “I’m not worried about the future anymore,” she whispers, squeezing. “We may not know how things will look when the baby is here, but I’m not worried about how we’ll get through the changes. We’ll figure it out, just like everything else.”

Justin nods, leaning down to kiss the back of Jess’ hand, and smiles. “We’ll just do everything the way we always have. No more freaking out over what we can’t control.”

--

When Jess had shopped for baby clothes for friends, she marveled at the baby shops and picked out cute outfits or necessities for moms. She’d dreamed about coming for her own baby, choosing exactly how she wanted the nursery decorated and themes she could envision having in their home.

Now, standing in the middle of the store as Naomi leads her up and down the aisles, she wishes she could just be home laying on the sofa watching a movie with Willow. The choices when it came to choosing something for her own child were overwhelming, and even with Naomi’s help, she felt like her world was spinning.

“You don’t have to get everything today,” Naomi smiles, holding up a plush teddy bear before tossing it into the cart. “Maybe just a few cute outfits, some ideas for how you want the nursery. Do you want to wait to know if it’s a boy or girl before designing the nursery?”

Jess scrunches her nose, shaking her head. “We both wanted to do something gender neutral. I’m just… I didn’t think about how it’d feel picking everything out. This is way more overwhelming than when I just came and picked stuff out for you and Clay.”

Naomi laughs, holding onto the front of the cart as they walk through the aisles of baby clothes. “You talked about themes before, what happened to those?”

Jess holds up an olive green onesie, a smile passing over her face as she tosses it into the cart. “We thought about an animal theme or a night theme, or maybe just something neutral and modern. But, I don’t know. It’s like all of a sudden the weeks are passing quickly and we don’t have nearly as much time as it feels like we do.”

Naomi places a pack of onesies in the cart, smiling. “You have time. The baby will sleep in your room for a little while, and you know Clay will be there to help Justin put things together whenever he needs it,” she assures her. “We did the ocean theme for Hudson, and we’d keep the same for any other babies, but the animal theme is the other option. It’s so cute, and it gives you an excuse to buy cute things like this,” she smiles, holding up a large stuffed giraffe.

Jess rolls her eyes, nodding towards the cart. “Throw it in. Even if we don’t do an animal theme, it’s really cute and I’ll find a place to put it.”

Naomi laughs, tossing it into the cart and leading her back towards the blankets and swaddles. “I know it’s easy to get overwhelmed when you’re at this stage, trust me, I did enough overthinking when I was pregnant with Hudson for the both of us,” she begins, tossing in a pack of blankets she swore by. “But you’re going to be a kick ass mom, Jess, and your worries that you have right now are going to disappear when the baby is here. Everything you’re worried you won’t be able to do is going to go away, and your instincts will kick in.”

Jess shrugs, leaning down against the handles of the cart. “I guess it’s just weird to think about being a mom to a newborn and having all of this responsibility,” she admits, the two slowly making their way to the front of the store. “We’ve waited for this for so long, and now it’s almost here and I can’t help but wonder if we’re actually ready for this, or if we didn’t even think about that part.”

“You’re both ready for this,” Naomi replies easily, tossing another toy into the cart and laughing when Jess eyes her. “First of all, just look at how great you both are with Carter and Willow. And before you argue that they’re older and you don’t have experience with newborns, there is no one else that I felt comfortable leaving Hudson with when he was a baby other than you and Justin. Not even my sister.”

“You’re not serious.”

“I am, Jess,” Naomi nods, voice even and reassuring. “You are so ready to be a mom, and I promise you, you can do this. And if you ever need help, I live ten minutes away and would be more than happy to come over for baby cuddles so you can shower and take a nap. Just like you did for me.”

Jess nods, pushing back the tears and swallowing roughly, and joins the checkout line before they buy anything else impulsively. “Thank you, seriously,” she nods, reaching out to rest her hand on top of Naomi’s. “I don’t know where we’d be without the two of you.”

“I’m glad we all have each other,” Naomi smiles sincerely. “Now, let’s buy this and go out for a soda because we deserve it and it keeps us away from our husbands for a little longer.”

Jess laughs, shaking her head, and pushes the cart up to a cashier.

--

Willow sat cross-legged in a chair in the corner of her room, index finger tracing her lip as she watched the monitor hanging on the wall, Justin standing beside Jess.

“This is the baby’s head, and then down here is the baby’s feet,” Dr. Wallman explained with a smile, moving the wand around Jess’ belly as she glances at Willow sitting in the corner.

Jess smiles, staring at the screen for a minute before looking back to Willow, and then leans back against the pillow. “Justin and I have decided that we want to find out the sex of the baby,” she says. “Are we able to tell today?”

Dr. Wallman smiles, looking between the two of them. “I think we’d be able to see today, let’s try.”

Justin turns back, holding his hand out. “Why don’t you come over here, Willow?” he offers, bending down to pick her up when she walks over. Settling her on his hip, he uses his free hand to take Jess’ again. “Do you think it’s a boy or a girl?”

Willow turns back to look at the screen, shrugging. “A boy,” she decides with a smile, watching the monitor intently.

It takes a moment, Jess’ hand squeezing Justin’s as they wait, until it becomes clear.

Dr. Wallman smiles, holding the wand for a moment. “It’s a girl!” she announces, printing out some more scans. “Congratulations, you two. Everything looks great.”

“It’s a girl?” Willow asks, smiling as she looks back between Justin and Jess. “I was wrong.”

“You were,” Justin laughs, setting her back down on the ground. “Are you excited it’s a girl?”

“Yeah,” Willow nods, watching Jess finish getting ready. “If we still live with you guys when she’s born, I can help take care of her and teach her things.”

“You absolutely can,” Jess smiles, grabbing her bag from the chair and reaching out to take Willow’s hand. Together they walk down the quiet hall and back to the reception desk.

The cool breeze passes across their faces when they step outside, Willow holding both of their hands as they walk back to the car. Justin glances above Willow over to Jess, who’s smiling as she looks back at him.

They were going to be parents to a little girl, and they had two incredible foster kids they considered family. Justin can’t help but think back to the long days spent in grubby apartments with his mother, the gut feeling that he’d be stuck in a never ending cycle of drug abuse and bad habits, the goals he didn’t dare to dream of when he realized they probably weren’t going to be possible.

The life he had built with his Jess was of his wildest dreams, and sometimes he has to pinch himself to believe that all of this is his. That he has stable parents, he’s married to his high school sweethearts, and they’re fostering two amazing kids while having a baby of their own on the way.

“You know, Wills, now this means we can think about little girl names,” Jess says after she’s climbed into the passenger seat, turning to look back at Willow. “Maybe we can hang name ideas up on the fridge. Make a list that we can keep adding to.”

“Can we?” Willow asks excitedly, swinging her legs from her seat.

“Of course,” Jess nods. “We’ll start a list tonight.”

Justin turns the radio on, laughing as they drive home, Willow and Jess singing along to the songs through their laughter.

Chapter Text

The call comes from Melanie when they’re least expecting it.

Jess had been given an hour recess from court for lunch, grateful that Justin was in between home visits and could meet her at the cafe near the courthouse. Dates had been few and far between since welcoming Carter and Willow into their home, a tradeoff they were more than happy to accommodate, so lunch felt like a luxury despite their limited time.

Justin doesn’t think anything of it when Melanie calls him initially. They were coworkers, and he knew that they had both been overloaded with cases. He thought maybe she’d have a question about one of the cases they’d been given that morning, or a comment about a home visit, but instead her voice is more serious and subdued, and Justin quickly realizes this isn’t a work call.

This is a call about Carter and Willow.

“I’m sorry, I would’ve preferred to call you and Jess at a better time, or at least given you more of a heads up,” she begins, and behind her, Justin can hear shuffling. “There was just an emergency hearing regarding custody of Carter and Willow that their father’s lawyer had asked for. He wants to fight for custody of his children back.”

In normal terms, this would’ve been good news. Justin has been assigned plenty of cases where parents didn’t even want to fight for their children, so their father showing incentive was a good thing. But in the little information he knew about their father, he didn’t like him. He had deliberately hurt Carter, would have hurt Willow if he didn’t step in, and Justin was wary to believe that this short period of time was enough for him to change.

“The judge didn’t feel that he had done enough training to be given full custody back, at least not at this time,” she begins, and Justin reaches across the table, taking Jess’ hand as the relief flows through him. “But he would like them to start supervised visitation with their father. I would accompany them, supervise them for a determined period of time, and document how I think it went. As you know, it’s the first step to reunification.”

“When would these visits start?” Justin asks, his heart caught in his throat. Jess looks at him, bug-eyed, and he shakes his head to reference that he would explain later.

On the other line, Melanie sighs. “They would prefer they start this week. At the agency, just like we do normally. Visits will be an hour, and we’ll re-evaluate as they get more acclimated.”

Justin blows out a breath, wrapping his fingers around Jess’ hand. “Okay, yeah. Let me know when the first one is scheduled, and we’ll make sure both of them are there.”

He hangs up, looks at Jess, and shakes his head. “They’d like to start supervised weekly visits with their dad,” he says, watching as Jess’ head falls and she shakes her head. “This is a good thing, even if it doesn’t feel like it. It’s the first step to getting them back home.”

“I know,” Jess nods, her voice shaking as she looks back up at him. “I guess I just worry that maybe they’ll be hurt all over again, and we won’t be able to help them.”

Justin nods, turning his hand over for her to take properly. “All we can do is support them and remind them that they can talk about anything they want with us. We will get through this, adjust and make sure everything is okay for them more than we ever have before.”

Jess nods, blindly trusting Justin and praying that this is all coming exactly when it’s meant to.

--

They decide to tell Carter and Willow after dinner, setting ice cream sundae toppings in the middle of the table, Jess handing out bowls to the four of them. Willow happily piled candies and sprinkles onto her ice cream, allowing Carter to help her with the chocolate sauce before she ate.

Justin glances at Jess, blowing out a breath and turning back to both kids. “Guys, we need to talk to you about something,” he begins, shaking his head when he realizes how formal it sounds. “It’s nothing serious, but we spoke to Melanie today, and she gave us some new information about your case and what comes next.”

Carter stills, his spoon tapping against the lip of the bowl.

Willow looks up, eyes widening. “Are we going back home with Dad?”

“Not quite,” Justin says softly. “But you two are going to be able to see him. Once a week, you’ll have a visitation with your dad that’s supervised. It’s an hour long, but it’s the beginning of hopefully getting you guys back home.”

Willow beams, shoveling another bite of ice cream in her mouth. “When are we going?”

“Don’t talk with your mouth full, babe,” Jess sighs, reaching out with a napkin. “You guys will go meet with him in a few days. I’ll take you both, and it’s at Justin’s work.”

“Can we write it on the calendar?” Willow asks, taking another bite of ice cream.

Jess smiles. “Sure, we’ll write it on there when we’re done with our ice cream, okay?”

Willow agrees, flying into a conversation about everything she wanted to tell their dad after months with no contact, but Justin can’t shake the feeling that something is wrong with Carter.

He continues eating his ice cream, head resting in his free hand as they all listen to Willow speak at a million miles a minute. When the ice cream mostly melts, now resembling soup, he uses his hands to push away from the table. “Do you care if I go for a run?”

Justin glances at the clock. “Don’t go for too long, but sure,” he nods, ignoring Jess’ protests beside him.

“Go wait for him,” Jess mumbles when they’re cleaning up the table, looking back at her husband. “I think it’s bothering him, and he’s not going to talk about it if he’s worried Willow will hear him. I’ll get Willow bathed and in bed.”

Nodding, Justin dries his hands off and makes his way out front, sitting down on their front step.

Carter slows his run when he sees him, tugging his ear buds from his ears and wiping his forehead off on his sleeve. “Was I gone too long?”

Justin laughs, shaking his head. “No, you’re fine,” he assures him. “But you were told some pretty big news during dessert and you said nothing. You have to have some thoughts about it.”

Rolling his eyes, Carter sits down on the steps below Justin. For a while, no one says anything. Justin watches the lamps in the homes across the street turn on through their front window, holding his breath while Carter collects his thoughts. “Willow’s excited, and that’s great, but I’m not sure I want to see him,” he finally admits, twirling his headphones around his fingers. “How can I ever be in the same room as him knowing that if I didn’t step in the night we got taken away, who knows how injured Willow would’ve been?”

“It’s hard, but you have to believe that he’s changed,” Justin says.

“Yeah, I can’t do that.”

Justin smiles, letting a moment of silence pass between the two of them. “My mom made a lot of mistakes. And even though I knew deep down nothing had changed, I willed myself to believe that she wanted to be better. That she wanted me in her life, she wanted a connection.”

Carter scrolls through his phone. “Did she?”

“Sometimes,” Justin admits after a beat of silence. “But if I had it my way, I would’ve dropped her long before she started trying.”

When Carter doesn’t answer, Justin tries again. “Look, you don’t have to like seeing your dad, or even spending an hour with him. You don’t have to put in any effort if you don’t want to, but I think you should at least try. Give him a chance to show you that he’s getting better. That he’s trying to be a better person.”

Carter sighs, locking his phone and “These are mandatory, right?”

“Yes, they are.”

“Okay, so I pretty much have to give it a chance,” he says, a smile growing on his face. “I’ll do my best to believe he’s changed, but I’m not getting my hopes up.”

“All I ask is that you give it a shot,” Justin smiles. “No need to get your hopes up, but at least you’re putting in the effort.”

Carter nods, standing. “Now would be a bad time to admit I have to finish some assigned reading,” he admits, sliding past Justin with a laugh. “Shower first, then I’ll finish.”

“As long as you finish, this stays between you and me,” Justin agrees, cleaning off the counters as Carter disappears upstairs.

--

Sinking down into a rolling chair in their conference room, Justin mentally prepares for whatever he’s about to hear.

He’s accustomed to being able to pour through files and make informed decisions for the kids he places in foster homes. Being on the other side of things, he’s finding it more difficult to separate himself. After initially wanting to know whatever they’d normally give new foster parents, now being faced with the reality of gradually working on visits and reintroducing Carter and Willow into their dad’s care, Justin finds himself wanting to know every little detail in their file.

“I should preface this by saying that there were no physical injuries the first few times we were called out,” Melanie says, spreading out the file in front of her. Justin knows she’s trying to be reassuring, but it does nothing to ease his heart - he knows how traumatic his childhood was even when he didn’t have physical injuries.

He watches Melanie sort through the file, pulling out paper. “Prior to them being removed from the home, we were called out three times in the past year. All three calls were made by neighbors,” she explains, placing the paper between them. “Two calls were because neighbors heard screaming and the little girl was crying and yelling back about how she hated it there. One other time was because the neighbors heard banging and worried that maybe something bad was happening to the kids.”

Justin swallows at the thought, nodding. “They weren’t removed any of those times? Not even for the emergency 24 hours?” he asks quietly, afraid of the answer he feels he’s going to receive.

Melanie presses her lips into a thin line, shaking her head. “It’s not that we didn’t think the reports didn’t happen, there’s evidence to say that they did,” she begins, words slow and careful. “But you know how the system is. We’re overworked, and if there were no physical injuries and the house didn’t feel unsafe, it’s going to be hard to find a way to remove them.”

Justin squeezes his eyes shut, staring at the table. “What was the final straw?” he asks, voice just above a whisper as he tenses and braces himself.

Melanie pauses, sighing. “The physical injuries to Carter,” she says. “Willow was fine, just terrified and worried about Carter. But he had that deep bruise along his jaw and he got his head knocked pretty good, and Carter rambled about how terrified he was that it would happen when he wasn’t there and Willow would be hurt that sealed the deal for us. Carter never spoke up before, he always defended his dad, but this was different.”

For a moment, Justin feels like he’s going to be sick. When he closes his eyes longer for a second he sees Carter standing in their doorway that first day they arrived, a dark bruise stretching along his jawline, tender and swollen.

Taking a minute, Justin composes himself. “Are you positive that introducing their dad at this point in time is the best step?”

“Yes,” Melanie says, voice firm and even. “I’ve been in heavy contact with their father’s anger management counselor, I’ve interviewed him directly, and everyone is in agreement that supervised visits are the logical next steps,” she explains. “He’s been working hard, he’s remorseful, and it was always going to happen.”

Justin nods, blowing out a breath.

“This doesn't mean the kids will leave your care anytime soon,” she reminds him gently. “I know you know this, and forgive me if you need me to treat you the same as I do with all my other clients, but I didn’t want to rehash info you also give to your clients on a daily basis.”

“You don’t have to explain in detail, I like how we’ve been doing it,” Justin agrees.

Melanie nods, leaning back. “We’re going to take our time with supervised visits, and then we’ll do unsupervised visits. It’ll be months at best before they’re back with their dad. We’re not going to let them go back if he isn’t absolutely ready,” she reassures him.

Justin allows the words to sink in, finding the reassurance comforting. “Thank you,” he breathes, smiling. “Let me know if you need anything from us. Jess will bring the kids for their visit, but I’m in the office all afternoon if needed.”

“Good to know,” Melanie smiles, packing up the file neatly. “It’ll be okay, Justin. We’ll take it one step at a time.”

Justin stands and follows her out of the conference room, willing himself to believe that.

--

Mark arrives well before Jess and the kids, Melanie smiling as she leads him back to the family room they’d be spending the hour in. Following a quick text from Melanie to let him know that Mark was there, Justin finishes the last of his recap of a home visit and walks down the hall, composing himself before walking in.

“Justin,” Melanie smiles, standing as he walks to them. “Justin, this is Mark. Mark, this is Justin. He and his wife have been Carter and Willow’s foster parents.”

Standing, Mark approaches Justin with a smile and shakes his hand. “I can’t even begin to tell you how grateful I am that you’re taking care of them,” he says, and Justin notices a sincerity behind his words he normally doesn’t hear. “I hope they’re behaving themselves.”

“You have lovely kids, Mark,” Justin smiles. “My wife and I have loved having them in our home. They’re both so polite and well-behaved, and I’m sure they’ll love being able to see you today.”

“Hopefully this is the beginning of me working to get them back so you won’t have them too much longer,” he says easily, smiling.

Justin nods, declining to comment on how he and Jess are more than happy to keep them for as long as he needs, and that they see them as part of their family.

The quick, awkward conversation is cut short when Jess arrives with Carter and Willow, both of them walking immediately over to their dad, who’s overjoyed to see them.

“Jess is going to run some errands, but I’ll be in my office if anything is needed,” Justin says quietly to Melanie, who gives him a reassuring smile.

“It’ll be okay,” she says, sitting down at the table. “Go get some work done.”

Nodding, Justin turns back and ushers Jess out of the room, sighing.

“You met their dad?” Jess asks when they’re safely down the hall, eyes wide. “What was he like?”

“Super nice and outgoing,” Justin says, shaking his head. “But you know Amber was the same way. It doesn’t mean that he doesn't turn into a monster if things don’t go his way.”

Nodding, Jess leans against the wall outside of Justin’s office. “I’m just going to go get a few things done. But if something happens and you need me sooner, please call me.”

Reaching forward, Justin takes her hand. “I will,” he promises, kissing her softly. “It’ll be okay. Melanie is there, and I’m right here if they need me. We’ll get through this.”

Jess takes a deep breath, free hand resting on her bump, and nods. “We can do this,” she repeats, smiling as she leans forward to kiss him once more before forcing herself to go get her errands done in an effort to distract her from overthinking.

--

There’s a pile of folders that need to be finalized and filed away in filing cabinets. The calendar is pulled up on the computer, ready to be sorted to finalize therapy appointments and visitations for clients.

But all Justin can think about is the visitation going on down the hall with Carter and Willow, Jess running errands near work to distract herself from the nerves bubbling up in her own stomach.

Carter’s words reverberate through his mind for most of the first portion of the meeting. He understands Carter’s worry - he remembers feeling the same way after extended time away from Amber - but his sincere hope is that Carter is making the most of a supervised visit with his dad, leaving his mind open to the fact that his dad can change and their future can look brighter than it has in months.

Jess knocks on his door when the hour is almost up, offering him a cup of coffee and a hesitant smile. “Have you heard anything?”

Justin shakes his head, sighing. “I know it’s a good thing, but I just wish we heard something about how it’s going or if everything is okay.”

Jess sinks into the chair opposite Justin’s desk, nodding. “I know this is like, a huge step, and I guess we should be happy that this is working out and their dad seems to be taking huge steps to get custody back, but God. I just wish it was easier to start letting go.”

Justin nods, replies to a quick email to at least feel like he did something productive within the hour, and reaches for his coffee. “We knew this wasn’t permanent. In the grand scheme of things, it won’t be hard for their dad to be granted custody back once he proves he’s done the classes and whatever else they need him to do. We just have to start preparing ourselves to have them be placed back home.”

Jess nods, breathing out a teary sigh, and checks her phone. “I should probably get down there, they should be done any minute,” she says, wiping underneath her eyes as Justin walks around his desk and wraps her in his arms. “I’ll let you know how things went.”

Justin nods, leaning back to press his lips to her temple. “If Carter needs to talk, tell him he can come in here before you guys leave. He doesn’t want to talk in front of Willow.”

Jess nods, adjusting her bag on her shoulder, and smooths her dress over her bump. “I love you.”

“I love you, too,” Justin replies easily with a smile, kissing her quickly.

He watches his clock change to the next hour, and even though it doesn’t feel like much, enough of a weight has been lifted off his chest to make him feel like he can breathe a little better and make it through his tasks, signing off on forms and organizing them for filing that afternoon. He checks his phone obsessively, disappointed when there’s nothing from Jess, and then looks up when he hears a knock.

“Jess said that if I wanted I could come talk to you?” Carter says, hovering awkwardly in the doorway. “Is now a bad time? We can talk at home if you want if you’re in the middle of something. I’m sure Jess can distract Willow for a little when you get there.”

Justin shakes his head, shutting the folder he previously had open and setting his pen down. “Now is fine, kid,” he promises, waving him into the room and watching as Carter nods, shutting the door behind him. “How did it go?”

“He acted like a mostly different person,” Carter shrugs, running his fingers through his hair as he flopped into the seat Jess had just occupied. “He got angry a few times, but usually when he gets angry he just screams or hits me. This time he would stop himself and breathe like you guys tell Willow to do when she’s upset, and then he’d say something under his breath. Then he’d be fine. It wasn’t… I didn’t recognize him.”

Justin nods. “So the classes they have him taking are working then. He’s learning to cope with his anger or frustration and deal with it in other ways,” Justin encourages. “That’s a good thing, buddy. That means he’s learning what he needs to learn to have you guys back in his care.”

“How can I believe that it’ll keep up when we’re not being supervised?” Carter asks, his voice impossibly small. “Yeah, it was fine now, and his anger was over way quicker than it normally would’ve been. But Melanie was right there watching, so he sort of had to behave or he wouldn’t have been able to see us again for a while.”

Justin sighs, trying to gather his thoughts. He prided himself on knowing how to comfort foster kids when visitations or unexpected bad news came up. He was a pro at thinking of thoughtful and reassuring answers on the fly, providing reassuring answers and promises that they wouldn't stop working to make sure they were safe.

But when it’s his own foster kids involved, when the questions are surrounding a good visit and are based purely on anxiety or a fear of getting his hopes up, Justin finds himself speechless, trying to think of something that could ease Carter’s worries, even if it was only temporary.

“I think you need to give your dad some grace and you need to believe that he can change and these classes really have helped for the better,” Justin says after a moment, watching Carter begin to protest. “If there’s anyone who understands that you don’t want to believe he really could get better, it’s me. I’ve had more than enough false hope in my life that my mom had actually changed. But I think if what I’m hearing is correct, your dad is trying. He’s using techniques he learned in classes in the very first visitation. That’s huge, Carter.”

“I know,” Carter nods. “And it was nice to see Willow so happy and excited. I guess… I don’t know. I guess I can figure out how to trust that this is really going to work.”

Justin smiles. “You’re going to have a few more supervised visitations before we move to unsupervised. Those will show you that he’s either really trying, or if it’s really just an act.”

“Yeah, okay,” Carter nods. “I should go before Willow freaks out that I’m taking too long.”

Laughing, Justin nods and stands up. “We can always talk whenever you need to, okay? Just let me know.”

“I will,” Carter promises, standing and shoving his phone into his pocket. “Thanks for everything you’re doing for us, Justin.”

“Always, kiddo,” Justin says. “I’m proud of you for today.”

The heat creeps up on Carter’s face as he rolls his eyes. “I’ll see you at home.”

Justin smiles and watches as Carter walks down the hall and disappears around the corner, the weight fully lifting off his chest as he sits back down at his desk and works on the deadlines he had neglected throughout the visitation.

--

In between home visits and intake calls, Justin isn’t expecting a call from the school asking if he can come in for a meeting as soon as possible because of an incident. And if he was, he would’ve expected it to be from the high school, not the elementary school.

He arrives before Jess, signing in at the office and being led back into the principal’s office, frowning when he finds Willow tucked into one of the chairs, holding a towel to her chin.

“Willow, sweetheart, what happened?” he asks, kissing her head and sitting in the chair beside her, saying a quick hello to the principal. “Jess will be here soon.”

“I didn’t mean to do it,” Willow replies, voice shaky as she blinks back tears.

Justin nods, pushing her hair away from her face, and sighs. “We’ll talk about it when Jess gets here,” he promises, grateful when she walks through the door breathless, sinking into the chair on the other side of Willow.

“Thank you both for coming in on short notice,” the principal smiles, setting her pen down. “There was an incident on the playground during recess. Willow and two of her friends had an argument, and all three of them were hitting and shoving each other.”

Justin sighs, looking back at Willow. “Wills, this isn’t like you at all.”

“After speaking with the other two kids involved and the teacher who witnessed it, it does sound like Willow was provoked,” the principal continues. “Obviously, I wanted to speak with all three kids. Willow is aware that violence is not tolerated, but given that this is the first incident and it wasn’t started by her, I’m willing to let her off with a warning.”

“Willow,” she continues, averting her gaze to Willow as she pulls herself impossibly smaller in the chair. “You know that we do not tolerate violence in school, no matter what the circumstances are. I don’t want anything like this to happen again, and if it does, there will be a punishment. Okay?”

“Okay,” Willow nods, sniffling.

“What do you say when you’ve hurt someone, Willow?” Jess prompts.

Willow sighs, dropping her legs to hang off the chair. “I’m sorry.”

“Thank you, WIllow,” the principal smiles. “You guys are welcome to take her home. The nurse looked at the cut on her chin and thinks it’s probably just a graze, but ice has been helping,” she says warmly, handing Justin Willow’s backpack.

Jess holds her hand, looking back at Justin. “I’m done for the day, I got clearance to work from home, so I’ll take her and we’ll see you after work?”

“Of course,” Justin nods, blowing out a breath and leaning over to kiss Jess. Helping Willow into the back seat, Justin makes sure she buckles herself in correctly. “We love you, kiddo. I don’t like your decisions, but we can talk more about why you did what you did tonight, okay?”

“Okay,” Willow agrees, sullen, leaning into Justin’s touch when he kisses her forehead quickly.

Justin takes a moment when he gets back to the car, checking the time before calling Lainie.

“How did you deal with us getting in trouble?” he blurts out, apologizing quickly. “Willow got into a fight at school, and she’s not in trouble, really, but I don’t know how to approach this.”

“What happened?”

Pressing his head into the headrest, Justin closes his eyes. “Apparently some kids were teasing her on the playground and she shoved them. They shoved her back, and she hit her chin on something. I said we’d talk about it more tonight.”

He can hear Lainie walking, her heels clicking along a linoleum floor, and then silence behind her. “First of all, this is the hardest part of being a parent. It will not get worse than this at this age, okay? Just take a breath.”

Justin takes a breath, feeling himself relax at her reassurance.

“Everything will be fine, okay? I know it sucks that she lashed out, but you couldn’t have expected everything to go smoothly,” Lainie reminds him. “Do you want a punishment suggestion, or did you need to vent?”

Hesitating, Justin turns the car on. “I’m probably going to figure it out with Jess, but I wouldn't hate you telling me what you would’ve done if you were fostering me at 6 and I did this.”

Lainie laughs on the other line. “She’s only 6, so maybe just punish her for the night. With Clay we used to do no treats or rewards for that evening. No TV, either. That’s what we would’ve done with you, too.”

“That seems fair,” he nods. “I’m sorry, I should’ve texted to see if you were free, but I just panicked, and I have like, 10 minutes before I have to be at another supervised visitation.”

Lainie laughs. “You know you can always call me whenever you need me,” she reminds him. “And besides, you got me a needed break from a brief I’ve been working on all day.”

“Well, I’m glad,” he smiles. “I’ll come see you and Matt soon.”

“Bring the kids, too. We’ll make an afternoon of it.”

Justin agrees, thanking her and hanging up, sending Jess a quick text of the plan for punishment that evening.

He doesn’t feel even remotely prepared to handle an incident like this, but finds the reassuring tone from Lainie and the fact that he’s not in this alone a welcomed reassurance that somehow, they’d figure all of this out.

--

When Justin arrives home that evening he finds everyone in the kitchen, Willow sitting on a chair at the island. Jess guides the towel-wrapped ice pack up to Willow’s chin, frowning as she takes it as a cue to begin the conversation. “What started all of this, Willow? It’s not like you to lash out like this.”

Wincing, Willow glanced between all three of them. “Jared and Emmeline found out that we weren’t with Dad anymore,” she says quietly, her bottom lip jutting out. Jess frowns, reaching for a paper towel to wipe off a cut on the inside of her lip. “They started making fun of me. They said that Mom and Dad ran away and they don’t love me and now I have to live with strangers. So I pushed them, but they pushed me back and I hit my chin on the slide.”

Justin notices the way Carter flexes and relaxes his fist, his breathing slow and even as he tries to maintain his composure. “Willow, you understand that violence is not the answer, yes?” he asks, watching her nod as her fingers readjust the ice pack. “What those kids said to you was wrong, and they will be getting spoken to by the principal, but you do not resort to hitting them and shoving them onto the ground when they hurt your feelings.”

“But they wouldn’t leave me alone!” Willow cries out, tears pooling at the corners of her eyes. “They were being so mean and I asked them to stop so many times, Justin! And they wouldn’t!”

Jess sets the paper towel on the counter, using the pads of her thumb to brush away stray tears from Willow’s eyes as she reaches for the antibiotic cream. “Then you tell an adult, okay?” Jess says, sighing. “I know you were upset with what they said, and I understand why you pushed them, but violence isn’t the answer in this situation, okay?” Jess says, her voice impossibly gentle and reassuring, and Carter visibly relaxes.

Willows bows her head, nodding. “I know.”

“If this happens again, which we hope it won’t, I want you to walk away, take three deep breaths, and then go find a teacher and tell them that they are not being nice to you and you’d like them to stop. Do you think that’s acceptable?”

“Yes,” Willow agrees, picking out a purple bandaid and wincing as Jess presses it to her chin. “Can I watch TV with Carter?”

“No TV for the rest of the night,” Justin steps in, taking over being the bad guy for the evening. “Why don't you and Carter go play outside before dinner? It’s a nice night, but you can’t have rewards for your behavior at school today.”

Pouting, Willow nods and slides off the barstool, taking Carter’s hand as they walk out to the backyard.

“I think we need to ask to not have visitation this week,” Jess says quietly, positioning herself to wrap her arms around Justin’s middle.

Justin sighs, nodding. “I agree. I can’t guarantee this will be accepted since we can’t prove it’s a direct correlation to seeing her dad, but we can at least try.”

“How did we not notice she was upset?”

Justin shrugs. “It seems like this was just reacting to people teasing her. I don’t think we needed to be looking out for anything in particular. Hopefully we get this under control now, and then we don’t have to worry about this again.”

Breathing into Justin’s shirt, Jess nods. “I hate that this is the first big thing we’ve had to handle, and I feel like I’m failing.”

Justin presses his lips to her head. “If it makes you feel better, I got back to my car and panic called Lainie, so I really don’t think I’m dealing with this any better than you are.”

Jess pulls her head back just enough to look at him. “What did she say?”

“Basically what we agreed to,” he shrugs. “She’s only 6, so punish her for the night and talk through what happened. So we weren’t that far off, which is good.”

“Okay, yeah,” she agrees, sinking back against him. “We’ll get the hang of this, and we’ll make sure Willow knows she has an outlet to talk to us before it gets this bad again.”

“Agreed,” he says, kissing her before excusing himself to go call Melanie.

--

With the house quiet, Willow asleep and Carter in his room for the night, Justin pulls the pillows off his side of the bed, discarding his shirt on the floor and sliding in under the blanket.

“Melanie agreed that it’d be best to take a week off. She told me that she already discussed it with their father, and the agreement was that he needed more time in the programs to help control his anger and his bad habits,” he says quietly. “We’re going to have this week away from visitation, and then try again next week with the hope that some time apart and more time working through the program will be better for all of them.”

Nodding, Jess leaves the bathroom and crawls into bed, situating herself until she’s comfortable. “Do you worry how we’re going to do this with our own kids when they’re this old?” she asks quietly, looking over to Justin as he reads through his book. “I’m not as worried about the newborn stage, but I worry that we’ll get to when she’s Willow’s age and something like this happens, we won’t know how to handle it.”

Justin bookmarks his place, looking over at Jess. “I’m not as worried about it. I think we handled today okay, didn't you?”

“Well, yeah, but this was just one time.”

“We’re going to figure it out, Jess,” he promises, setting his book on his nightstand. Turning on his side, he reaches out and runs his fingers through her hair. “We have six whole years before we get to that stage, and I’m getting more confident at believing we can handle this whole parenting thing. We’re doing fine with these two, and we’ll figure it out with our own little girl.”

Jess leans into his touch, resting her head in the crook of his neck. “I couldn’t imagine doing this with anyone but you.”

Justin laughs, spreading his hand out across her back. “Good thing, cause you’re stuck with me for the rest of our lives.”

Jess laughs into his chest, breath warm, and Justin presses his lips to her head.

He’s never felt more at home.

Chapter Text

“I know you said you didn’t want anything big, but with me being in town this weekend and you already being so far along, the least we could do was a small baby shower.”

Jess positioned herself on a chair in the kitchen, watching her mom pace back and forth from the stove to the counter, making treats for the small baby shower she planned to throw with Lainie that afternoon. Jess had protested, suggesting they just go to lunch or dinner or something as a small group, but her mom was adamant that a few hours with some friends celebrating the baby to come was the best way to make sure she was properly celebrated.

“You really didn’t have to do this,” Jess reminds her with a smile, putting together a few small favors she planned to give to everyone coming. “I mean, you’re only in town for a few days. We could’ve just gone to a quick lunch or something. Maximized our time together.”

“Jess,” her mom begins, a smile on her face, “this is my first grandbaby. I want to do it the right way, I want to throw you a baby shower, even if you won’t let me play silly games or have the traditional fanfare.”

“The guys will be there, and I don’t think they’ll want to do any of that. As far as I’m concerned, this is more just an afternoon party where we happen to be celebrating a baby,” Jess reminds her, a smile on her face. “Willow is excited, though. Now that she’s warmed up to the idea of us having a baby of our own, she’s sort of been all about the baby and what comes next.”

Footsteps pad against the hardwood floors, coming to a stop. “Jess, can I put my dress on yet?” Willow asks, brushing her hair away from her face. Jess had taken her to the store and bought her a new dress for the occasion. They’d spent hours together, trying on all kinds of dresses before deciding, and then promptly returned home where Willow pulled the dress on and showed it to Justin and Carter, who amused her by being enthralled in her mini fashion show.

“Let’s wait a little while, okay? We don’t want to get it dirty before it’s time to go to Lainie’s,” she replies, laughing as Willow pouts and drags her way over to the table. “I know you want to wear it, but we don’t want to ruin it!”

“Willow, would you like to help me make cookies?” Noelle asks, smiling when Willow perks up and scrambles over to the counter, dragging a chair along so she can stand on it. “We’re going to decorate them with sprinkles, too.”

Willow nods, reaching across and picking up the cookie cutters. “They’re shaped like teddy bears and bottles,” she smiles. “Like what babies have.”

“Exactly,” Noelle smiles brightly, handing Willow the measuring cup of oil so she can pour it in. “We’ll cut out the shapes and decorate them together. Does that sound okay?”

“Yeah!” Willow nods, pouring in the oil and peering into the bowl, laughing as she helps with the rest of the ingredients.

Jess watches from the table, snapping a photo of the pair together, and feels the warmth spread in her heart at the moment that she once could only dream of.

--

The Jensen’s backyard has been transformed into a magical setting for a baby shower, with pendants hanging from the back of the house and decorations strung through the trees. Chloe had arrived early to help Ani decorate the tables and hang up miscellaneous decorations throughout the trees, and as Jess and Willow arrive hand in hand, her mom trailing just behind with the container full of cookies, Jess almost feels like she could cry at the thought that was put into this.

“Guys, this is way more than I could’ve ever asked for,” she says, letting go of Willow’s hand to look at her baby photos that served as centerpieces, tiny decals strung throughout the middle of the table.

“We know you didn’t want anything huge, but Ani was right. You deserve to be celebrated,” Chloe says with a smile, reaching forward to hug her. “Congratulations, by the way! I’m sorry I haven’t checked in, but life has been busy.”

“Don’t even worry about it,” Jess replies easily, saying hello to Naomi, Ani and Lainie as she walks around. “I’m glad you kept it small, but god, even this feels like too much.”

“It’s lowkey, just like you asked,” Ani says with a knowing smile. “Just some family members are coming, kids and husbands were invited, and it’s more about celebrating the baby and being together than it is a traditional baby shower.”

“I know it’s killing you inside to not be able to plan your dream baby shower, but I thank you,” Jess laughs, disappearing inside to say hello to other guests when she’s confident Willow is fine chasing Hudson around the backyard, Noelle and Lainie supervising.

She says hello to the husbands sitting around inside talking, Carter sitting in the front room watching TV that Justin and Matt had obviously told him was fine, and grabs herself a drink and a snack before returning back outside.

She’s not surprised to find Willow kicking the soccer ball around in her dress she’d been begging to wear, she and Hudson laughing tucked into the back corner of the backyard by the outhouse. Jess floats from group to group, thanking them all for coming and spending time with them, and answers a million questions about the baby and plans and how they’re going to handle three kids at once despite having barely thought about those questions on her own.

“I hope you like the decorations,” Lainie says when she joins her at the table, smiling. “And Willow looks adorable.”

Jess rolls her eyes, laughing. “She begged to wear that dress, I should’ve known she’d just be kicking the soccer ball around and getting dirty with Hudson the whole time,” she replies with a laugh. “Lainie, this is more than anything I could’ve asked for. Thank you so much for doing this for us.”

Lainie smiles. “It was the least we could do. I know it’s traditionally a little early to have a baby shower, but your mom is in town and it felt like the perfect moment,” she explains. “I hope this isn’t too much or you’re too overwhelmed. I get that it’s a lot and you don’t necessarily want or need all the attention, but it’s your first baby! You deserve to celebrate a little bit.”

Leaning back in her chair, Jess looks around the backyard at her close friends and family joining to celebrate their baby, and smiles. “It feels like the right amount of people. It’s not too overwhelming, I promise,” she assures Lainie, resting her hands protectively on her bump. “I’m just… there’s been so much that’s happened through this pregnancy with Carter and Willow, and I wasn’t sure celebrating was appropriate. But I’m glad we did it like this.”

“So am I,” Lainie agrees, reaching over to rub Jess’ arm. “A celebration of what’s to come, without forgetting how crazy these last months have been for the two of you.”

Together they watch Willow and Hudson chase each other around the yard before dissolving into a fit of giggles. Chloe and Ani join them at the table, talking about their lives and catching up on everything they’d missed, and for as defiant as Jess was about not having a baby shower, she can’t help but feel like this was the perfect compromise that she’s grateful for in more ways than she ever envisioned.

--

There’s familiarity being back at Matt and Lainie’s.

Justin hasn’t stopped visiting since moving out, stopping by at least once a week just to check in and hang out, even if he didn’t need anything. Matt and Lainie were still two of the first people he went to when something went wrong. After 17 years of uncertainty and a childhood he wouldn’t wish on his worst enemy, he was grateful to people in his life that were his parents. People who loved him and were there for him whenever he needed it.

So when Lainie suggested they host the baby shower at their house, Justin immediately agreed. He knew Jess was apprehensive about a traditional baby shower, but the way Lainie had suggested it - more of a party that happened to be celebrating the baby rather than a shower - he knew Jess would be on board.

So standing in the kitchen that had once been a source of comfort to him, husbands and family friends floating throughout the downstairs of their home, he can’t help but be grateful that they’re all there to celebrate their baby with them. He remembers being a teenager and feeling like if he even made it to adulthood, he most likely wouldn’t have a reliable support system to help him through life’s biggest moments - if he even had the chance to have those.

He mingles with family members he hadn’t seen in a while, filling them in on the fostering process without giving away too much and discussing excitedly about having a child of their own. Mercifully, he allowed Carter to sit in the front room and watch the basketball games on TV, away from the adults who he didn’t really know so he didn’t feel overwhelmed or feel obligated to watch Willow and Hudson play together in the backyard.

Justin had been standing in the kitchen with Matt and Clay when Carter snaked his way through the front room and into the kitchen to get himself something to drink, turning to Justin as he popped open the can.

“Should I be like, introducing myself to your family or something?” he asks, pausing to take a sip. “I feel rude if I’m ignoring them just watching TV.”

Justin smiles. “I can introduce you to them if you’d like, but they understand that a baby shower celebration is the last place a teenage boy really wants to be,” he says. “The best thing Matt and Lainie ever did for me was give me space and time away from extended family in the beginning if I needed it. We figured you’d want the same.”

Carter relaxes his shoulders, nodding. “It’s definitely been helpful, thank you,” he says. Pausing, he pulls his phone from his back pocket, looking at it. Chewing on his lip, he types a reply and then pockets his phone again, looking around.

“Carter, if your friends want to hang out or something, please don’t feel obligated to stay. You can go hang out with them.”

Hesitating, Carter shrugs. “This is for Jess. I feel like I should be here.”

“Jess will understand,” Justin reassures him.

“Please, Carter, don’t feel like you need to stay here,” Matt smiles. “We’re all obligated to be here, but you’re 16. Go hang out with your friends if that’s what they're asking.”

Carter smiles, nodding. “Yeah, okay. They’re just asking me to go play basketball at the school. I can walk from here.”

“Okay,” Justin nods. “I’ll tell Jess. Don’t stay out too late, or check in if you go somewhere else.”

Carter pulls his phone out again, typing quickly, and nods. “I’ll tell Jess on my way out. Thanks, Justin,” he smiles, waving goodbye as he slips out the back door.

“It’s really fucking weird to see you be a dad,” Clay smirks, amused. “You’re really good at it, don’t get me wrong, but it’s just weird. Especially since Carter is a teenager.”

Laughing, Justin shakes his head. “I mean, it hasn’t come naturally the entire time,” he admits. “But I feel like we’re getting into a really good routine and I don’t feel like I’m drowning as much as I did before.”

Matt leans back against the counter, smiling. “You both are great dads. It’s my greatest joy to get to watch you both navigate this season of life, and both of you are amazing fathers who are navigating two completely different stages.”

“I can’t wait to see Justin get through the newborn stage, though,” Clay replies with a smirk, leaning back against the counter.

“We babysat Hudson, so it’s not like I’m going into this blind.”

“Yeah, but you immediately called Mom the second you couldn’t get him to stop crying, and we came and rescued you guys. You had him for a few hours,” Clay teases, smiling wryly.

“Justin is more prepared now to get through the newborn stage,” Matt defends, but he’s hiding a smile behind the lip of his beer bottle and Justin can’t help but laugh. “Besides, you two know better than anyone that your mom and I will be there the second you guys say you need help, just like we were for Clay and Naomi, whether he’d like to admit that right now or not.”

Nodding, Justin looks around their home filled with family and friends who came to celebrate their baby, feeling an overwhelming sense of confidence that no matter what happens, they have all the support they could need nearby.

A beat of silence passes between them, and as Matt finishes his beer and sets the bottle beside the sink, he turns back to both of his boys. “You both know how proud we are of you guys, right?” he asks, a hint of apprehensiveness evident through his words. “Not just for the parents you’ve become or are going to be in the future, but for everything you’ve accomplished since becoming adults. You’ve both come so far from where you used to be.”

“You know I wouldn’t be doing this without all three of you,” Justin says with a smile, looking between Matt and Clay. “I mean, I don’t know where I’d be if I hadn’t moved in with you, but I know for sure that I wouldn’t be a foster dad or even a biological dad right now.”

“No, maybe not,” Matt agrees with a smile. “But you got yourself to this point. We’re just honored we got to be part of it.”

Clay shrugs. “I am pretty glad I got a brother out of the whole deal. And now I get to be Uncle Clay to your daughter and be an uncle figure to Carter and Willow,” he says. “It’s also nice to see you turn your life around and get to this moment or whatever,” he says, laughing when Justin punches his shoulder.

“Not to break up whatever this is,” Lainie says, opening the back door with a smile. “But Jess is opening gifts if you want to come see what people got you. No obligation, I know we said this was going to be a little baby shower and more of a get together.”

Justin nods, refilling his cup. “Of course I want to come see,” he smiles, following her outside as he says hello to a few family members.

“Justin! Look at how little this is!” Willow greets him, running up to the base of the steps and holding up a onesie with animal patterns on it. “A little baby is going to fit into this!”

Justin laughs, holding the onesie still so he can look at it. “It is very tiny, isn’t it?” he asks, picking her up and walking back towards Jess. “Can you believe that you were that little one time?”

“No,” Willow smiles, resting her head on his shoulder. “I like this one, Justin. Some of the things they got aren’t that pretty,” she whispers just loud enough for him to hear, and Justin bites back his laughter, leaning on the wall behind Jess as she continues to open gifts.

“It’s important to be polite and appreciative,” he reminds her. “And besides, anything looks cute on a baby.”

Willow shrugs, watching as Jess pulls out a package of toys with a sleeping outfit. “I guess so,” she agrees after a minute, wiggling from Justin’s arms to go help Jess look at the rest of the gifts their family and friends had brought.

--

Long after extended family and close friends had left, Clay, Naomi, Jess and Justin stayed at Matt and Lainie’s helping clean up and sipping tea out on the back patio while Willow and Hudson ran out the last of their energy in the backyard.

“Have you heard from Carter?” Jess asks quietly, glancing at her phone before looking back to Justin. “I’m not worried, I trust him, but it is getting late.”

Justin looks at his phone, searches through his texts with Carter in hopes he had managed to just miss his text, and then frowns. “No, nothing since he texted me to let me know he was up at Liberty,” he informs her.

Lainie sets her mug down on the table. “Why don’t you go up there and see if he’s okay? Then you guys can come back here and we’ll order pizza or something for dinner. A big family dinner together,” she offers, folding her hands in her lap.

With Clay and Naomi in agreement, Justin stands and presses a kiss to Jess’ cheek, weaving through the house and grabbing their car keys off the front table before setting out to find Carter.

Far back on the basketball courts that Justin remembers spending hours on, Carter dribbles the basketball with ease, lofting it up for a free throw.

He doesn’t notice Justin at first, only catching him out of the corner of his eye when he runs to retrieve the ball that bounces lazily underneath the net. “Shit, I should’ve texted that I was still here and working on my shot,” he says quietly, apologizing for cursing as Justin gets closer.

“First of all, you’re not in trouble for not checking in or coming home,” Justin says with a smile, gesturing to Carter to throw him the ball. “You just hadn’t been back in a while, and Matt and Lainie are going to order pizza for dinner. I figured I’d come down and make sure everything is okay.”

Justin tosses the ball up and smiles when it hits the backboard and ricochets across the other side. Carter laughs, retrieving the ball.

“I’m fine,” he says, lofting the ball up from the edge of the court. “My friends all had to go, and I just wanted to have some time alone.”

Justin nods, grabbing the ball before Carter reaches it. “I get it,” he nods, “it’s nice to have some quiet time. I know it’s hard to get little moments with Willow always around.”

Nodding, Carter watches as Justin makes the shot and allows him to grab the ball. A silence passes between the two of them, a game of HORSE beginning instead, and Carter welcomes the quiet moment.

Justin lets the moment go by without forcing a conversation, instead exchanging lighthearted jabs as they made and missed shots while coming up with the most insane shots for the other.

“The files Willow almost destroyed were the custody papers my mom signed that terminated her parental rights,” Carter says quietly, dribbling the ball in front of his feet before shooting it. “My dad saw them almost ruined, got weirdly quiet and disappeared, and came back drunk. That’s when he freaked out, tried to hit Willow, and I stepped in.”

“Carter, I -”

“The custody papers were salvaged enough that the attorney could get them reprinted and the signature could be accepted so they wouldn’t have to find our mom, but at that point, we were in that emergency placement or whatever before you guys and Melanie made it clear that we weren’t going back in his care right then, no matter what the signed papers from my mom said. I guess all the little things added up, and then this was just like, the final straw or whatever.”

Justin nods, grabbing the ball and quietly lofting the ball from the spot Carter chose, the “R” being added on his side of HORSE when he misses. “Does it bother you being around alcohol? With my parents, or when we were out with Jess’ parents?” he asks quietly, tossing Carter the ball. “I want you to be honest, Carter. It’s our job to make you feel safe and comfortable, and if that means you don't want to be around alcohol, then we will make that work.”

Carter moves to the other side of the court, eyeing up the net. “I don’t think it would make a difference if I’m around it or not,” he says, dribbling a few more times before eyeing his shot again. “Your parents don’t drink it excessively, and neither did Jess’ parents.”

“Okay,” Justin nods. “But if that changes, I want you to tell me or Jess so we can help you feel comfortable.”

Carter nods, mumbling a thank you under his breath, and takes the shot, biting back a smile when it swishes through the net. “Would you really ask your parents not to drink alcohol around me and Willow? I don’t want to put them out if I ever decide I think that would help. Or make them feel like I’m demanding or high maintenance or whatever.”

“First of all, they would never think you were any of those things,” Justin says with a smile, moving to where Carter once stood and judging the shot. “But yes, if that’s something you wanted, we’d ask them to not drink around you. They went above and beyond with everything for me when I needed it the most, asking them to not drink alcohol for a few hours while we’re hanging out is definitely like the lowest thing they’d give up.”

Smiling, Carter laughs when Justin’s shot rolls around the rim and sinks in. “Your parents are cool,” Carter comments, shifting to the other side of the court. “I mean, I don’t hate my dad, but he could be a lot better. I guess I just… I don’t know.”

“You see how together Matt and Lainie have it,” Justin says with a knowing smile, crossing his arms over his chest.

Carter shrugs, hiding his smile. “I mean, yeah.”

“Do you know how out of place I felt when I first started staying with them?” Justin asks, laughing. “They’re that family like you see on TV that has breakfast together every day, and Matt cooks most of the time. At dinner they talk about their days and want to hear about why it was bad or good. It was so foreign to me. I didn’t like talking about myself, I didn’t know what it even meant to sit at a kitchen table and talk to your family like that was a normal thing to do. It was… I don’t know how to explain it,” Justin shrugs.

“That’s sort of how I feel with you guys,” Carter admits, tossing the ball up and cursing under his breath when he misses the shot. “I mean it’s nice to have consistency, and you’re not that formal that we have cooked breakfasts every day, but you guys make sure we all eat dinner together whenever possible, you encourage us to talk about what’s going on in our lives and if we need help, and I’ve never had that before, even when my mom was there.”

“Do you not like that?” Justin asks, moving right below the rim to take his shot. “Having family dinners and talking about things is how Jess and I used to do things at your age. But we don’t have to do it that way if that’s not something you guys like.”

“Willow loves it,” Carter reminds him with a smile, taking his place underneath the rim. “I don’t want you to stop doing things just because we’re not used to it. It’s sort of nice to have parent figures who actually give a shit about what’s going on and what we’re doing.”

“I felt the same way,” Justin agrees. “But if you do feel uncomfortable or not up to sharing, just say that. We’re not going to force you to talk about your day or what’s going on unless we feel like you’re in danger or need help.”

Carter nods, not forcing the conversation further. They exchange light jabs, tease each other when they make or miss a shot, and for as comfortable as so many moments had been, this feels like where Justin finds himself thriving.

“The practice after we had visitation with our dad I sort of got angry about how things had gone, and I took it out on some of my teammates,” Carter admits after a while, focusing on the basketball net instead of looking at Justin. “Coach Dempsey took me aside and told me that I should just tell you what I like and don’t like about living with you, and that you get it more than anyone else would. He said it’s not fair I take it out on other people if I don’t talk to you about how I feel.”

“Well, he’s not wrong about that,” Justin says with a smile. “I get taking it out on your teammates, that’s what we did, too. Which is probably why Zach told you not to take it out on them because he knows how it feels to be on the receiving end. But even if you just want to tell one of us, that’s fine. But don’t hide things just because you’re comfortable with how Willow is feeling. We’ll tell her the same thing, just like always.”

Nodding, Carter celebrates as he beats Justin in HORSE.

Rolling his eyes, Justin wipes the sweat from his forehead with his shirt and laughs. “Come on, I was just supposed to come ask you to come back for dinner. They’re going to wonder where we both are,” he says, grabbing his things and waiting for Carter to join him.

Climbing into the passenger seat, Carter reaches to turn on the radio, settling back once more. “Thanks, Justin,” he says quietly.

“Anytime, kid,” Justin replies easily, laughing as he sings along to annoy Carter on the way back to Matt and Lainie’s.

Chapter Text

Jess and Justin were on the same page about restarting visitation.

They’re not ready for it, they worry that only two weeks away from the visitations wasn’t enough time, but they understand that this isn’t something they’re necessarily ever going to be ready for.

They also understand that the decision is out of their hands, and know that even if they’re not ready, they’re going to have to go through with it. Only slightly comforted by the fact that Justin was granted permission to be the supervisor for this visitation, both of them slowly come to terms with the fact that this is going far quicker than either were expecting.

“It will be fine. I feel much better knowing that you’re going to physically be in the room with them this time,” Jess says that morning as she and Justin get ready for the day while Carter and Willow get ready upstairs. “I’m going to be in the car waiting, too, but I think we have to trust that they wouldn’t allow their dad to see them if he wasn’t truly ready and hadn’t taken steps to work on his anger more.”

Justin pours coffee for himself and reaches for a tea bag for Jess, nodding. “I know that he wouldn’t be allowed to see them if progress hadn’t been made, but this feels so much different when it’s kids you’re caring for and you know that you are going to be the one to have to get them through however they feel after.”

Reaching for her mug, Jess agrees quietly. “We’ll get them through it together. We’ll encourage them to talk to us about how they’re feeling, we’ll make sure they know that it’s a safe space to tell us whatever they want to tell us, and we’ll go from there,” she smiles, leaning forward and pressing a kiss to his cheek. “One step at a time, just like always.”

Nodding, Justin doesn’t get a chance to finish his thought before Willow and Carter appear downstairs, Willow walking to grab her shoes.

“Justin’s going to take you guys with him, and then I’m going to come in my own car behind you so Justin can stay and work on some work things at the office for a little while after you see your dad,” Jess says, helping Willow fix her hair. “You guys are going to have a good time, though, and after Justin is done with work we’ll go out for lunch, okay?”

“Okay,” Willow nods, stepping away and running down the hall, returning with a picture. “I drew this for our dad. Can I give it to him?”

“Of course,” Justin says with a smile, looking between Carter and Willow. “We’ve got to get going if we’re going to be there on time. Are you guys ready?”

As they both nod, Justin kisses Jess quickly and ushers both kids out the front door, double checking that Willow is strapped in before getting into the driver’s seat.

“I can’t wait to tell Dad about my soccer team and how me and Hudson are best friends! And I can show him this picture and ask him if he wants me to bring him more pictures!” Willow says excitedly, swinging her legs from the booster seat as she watches Justin drive through town. “Am I always allowed to bring him pictures when we see him?”

“You can bring him as many pictures as you want every time you see him,” Justin promises, glancing at her in the rearview mirror. “Do you want to draw more pictures?”

Contemplating it for a moment, Willow nods. “Next time I’ll draw pictures of just me and him,” she beams. “Carter, do you want to draw Daddy a picture?”

Glancing out of the corner of his eye, Justin watches Carter tap his fingers against his thigh, taking a breath. Justin’s prepared to stop a fight or Willow’s feelings getting hurt while on the highway as he drives towards the office, but Carter shrugs, turning back to look at his sister.

“I probably won’t draw him any pictures, but you should keep drawing them for him. I’m sure he’ll love them,” he says, a smile on his face, and Justin feels the relief flow through him.

“Thank you,” Justin whispers just loud enough for Carter to hear him, and Carter looks at him with an amused smile, nodding.

“So, Wills, are you going to tell Dad about your book report project you did with Jess?” Carter asks, turning to look back at Willow once more. “It was a pretty cool diorama.”

Willow gasps as if she forgot all about the project they’d worked on for days, nodding quickly as she reminds them what it looked like, and Carter and Justin interject whenever she gives them a breath to speak in.

--

Mark introduces himself to Jess with a kind smile and a firm handshake, expressing how grateful he is to finally have the opportunity to meet her.

“I can’t thank you enough for what you and your husband are doing,” he says, sounding sincere, and Jess is momentarily knocked off by his demeanor as she tries to process how it’s the same man who hurt Carter and yelled at his children so harshly to have them removed from the home. “I’m working hard to right what I’ve done wrong, so hopefully before long the kids will be gone from you guys and back with me.”

Jess smiles, taking a step back. “First of all, you have two amazing kids,” she begins. “They’re welcome with us as long as you need, we want to be sure everyone feels totally ready for you guys to all be back together.”

Nodding, Mark looks back to his kids. “We have an hour?” he asks, smiling at Jess.

“You have an hour,” she says evenly. “Justin, who is a social worker, will be just back here working on some paperwork if you guys need anything. I’ll be back soon.”

Thanking her, Mark turns back and walks towards where Carter and Willow had been setting up a game to play together, Willow going through her bag to pull out the drawings she wanted to give to him.

“I drew two pictures, but I can draw more and bring them next time!” she explained excitedly, walking him through the picture of three of them and the picture of her playing soccer that she drew for him, Mark smiling and telling her he loved them, placing them in his bag to bring home with him as Jess says goodbye to Justin and quietly slips out of the room.

Justin works through his paperwork and listens to the conversations on the other side of the room, ready to step in if needed. He listens to Willow laugh about her dad pretending to cheat in the board game, feels himself relax when Carter joins in on the teasing and plays along, and only braces himself to step in a handful of times.

For the most part, he listens to WIllow rattle off facts about her soccer team and her friends at school. She talks animatedly about playdates they have scheduled and how she loves going to run around at the playground after her soccer games, and her dad never falters or seems to get upset that he’s missing out on all of it. He tells her he’s happy she’s having such a good time, that he can’t wait to see her play, and he’ll make sure they still have playdates when she’s home with him.

Mark and Carter talk about how the football season is going, the regular season winding down and the playoffs just about to begin. Carter tells him about his extra sessions at a football camp and working with Zach, a lazy anecdote about how he’s going to look into working with a few other people Zach and Justin know to make sure he’s ready for scouts for college. He mentions his tape for scholarships, and Justin finds himself mildly surprised when Mark says he’d love to see it sometime.

It’s not a perfect visit by any means, but it’s worlds better than the first one, and that alone feels worth celebrating in Justin’s mind.

“Melanie will help schedule the next visitation for next week,” Justin stands, gathering his things and shaking his hand. Mark says goodbye to both Willow and Carter before leaving, Justin walking the two of them to where Jess had been waiting in the lobby.

“Can we go get lunch now?” Willow asks, skipping towards Jess as she hugs her. “I had a lot of fun, Jess. But now I’m hungry.”

“Well, we definitely can’t have that,” Jess laughs. “I’m glad you had a good time. Justin has to finish one more thing here, and then we’ll all go to lunch together. Why don’t we go look at baby things at the store while we wait? I have a granola bar you can have in the meantime.”

Enticed by the offer of looking at anything to do with the baby, Willow immediately agrees. She takes the granola bar eagerly, tuning back to Justin and Carter. “Carter, are you coming with us?”

“I have a granola bar for you, too,” Jess smiles, extending her hand to give it to him.

Carter accepts, turning to look between Jess and Justin. “Actually, I was wondering if I could stay here and wait for you to be done,” he asks Justin quietly. “If I can’t, that’s fine. I’ll go with the girls.”

“If you don’t mind watching me sit and file paperwork real quick, then sure, you can stay with me.”

“I’ll stay with you then,” Carter decides, waving a quick goodbye to Willow and turning to follow Justin back to his office.

Justin walks around his desk, looking up at Carter with a smile. “What’s up?” he asks, setting his things down on his desk. “You don’t willingly stay with me and watch me organize the last of this paperwork for another case study.”

Carter falls into the chair, sighing. He brushes his hands through his hair, chewing on his lip. “You’re going to kill me,” he begins, folding his hands together and tipping his head back to look at the ceiling.

“You’re going to tell me that wasn’t your dad in there,” Justin says before Carter says it, laughing when Carter’s head snaps up to look at him in surprise. “Carter, buddy, come on. You’re my first foster child in my home, but you’re hardly the first case I’ve worked on. We do post-visitation check-ins every now and then with kids, especially the teens. Melanie will probably do one with you soon. Do you think I’ve never heard a kid say they don’t recognize their parents the first few times they see them after a separation?”

Carter laughs. “I mean, I guess not,” he admits. “But you saw what I looked like when I got to you. I had a huge bruise on my face. How is that the same guy that did that, and today he made a joke about Willow cheating on a board game? He would’ve gotten mad before. That’s not… it hasn’t been that long since we’ve been with you. How has he changed that much?”

“It’s been a few months, and your dad has been in classes that entire time. It’s entirely possible he’s made that much progress,” Justin explains. “Do you feel better with how today went? I want you to be honest with me. It’s important that we know how you feel about it all.”

Carter thinks about the question for a moment. “I do,” he nods. “But I still think it needs to be better. I need… I need to know that the way he is now will be the same when you guys aren’t there supervising.”

“I agree,” Justin nods. “You’ll have a few more supervised visits, and then a few unsupervised visits before we even think about sending you guys home.”

Carter nods, tilting his head back again.

“Carter, can you trust me when I say that we will not allow you to go somewhere where we think you’ll be in danger?”

“Yes,” he responds immediately, a feat that Justin pauses to take a moment to celebrate.

“We will not let you go back to a home that is not ready for you, understood?” he says firmly, closing the manilla folder in front of him. “You will stay with us until we are absolutely confident that you and Willow will be safe in that home without any intervention. No matter how long it takes, okay?”

Carter stares at his lap. “Is that a promise?” he asks quietly. “Because a lot of people promise me things, and they usually never work out.”

Justin softens, leaning back in the chair. He remembers asking Matt and Lainie the same question so many times. In their dining room as they reviewed his file and discussed ramifications of the Bryce Walker trial, or in the outhouse discussing the next steps after Clay was pinned as a suspect in Bryce’s murder and what it meant for his adoption.

Back then, Lainie would look at him with sympathetic eyes and a sad smile. She would often rest her hand on his arm, forcing him to look at her when she answered him. The one thing Justin loved more than anything when it came to first living with them was that Matt and Lainie never promised something they weren’t completely sure of.

“Carter, kid, look at me,” Justin says, reusing what he learned from Lainie. “I promise you, you will not be sent back to a home that is not safe. I know what it feels like to have people break promises, but I will not be one of those people to you, okay?”

Carter blows out a breath, nodding. “Are you ready to go?”

“I am,” Justin smiles, filing the folder and grabbing his things as he and Carter walk out to the car.

“I heard you and your dad talking about football. I can talk to Luke this week about you working with him, and you and I can work on things more or watch tape or whatever you want.”

Carter looks at him with a smirk. “You don’t have to like… I mean, I appreciate it, but if you’re past football and you don’t want to be so involved, that’s okay.”

“I didn’t want to be overbearing,” Justin admits. “I love football, I love coming to your games, and I want to help more if that’s something you want. I just didn’t want to step on anyone’s toes or get in your way,” he smiles, unlocking the car.

“Okay, then yeah,” Carter nods, opening the passenger door. “Any help you can give me would be nice. Zach’s been helpful, but maybe we can call the other guy? Luke?”

“Sure,” Justin nods, tossing his things into the back seat of the car, reaching for his phone to text Jess. “I’ll call him and see when he’s free to help you run a few drills, give you some pointers. I’m sure he’d be happy to help.”

Carter nods, sinking back, and watches as they drive towards town where they plan to meet up with Jess and Willow for lunch. “When you were being fostered, did Matt like, I don’t know, get involved with football or whatever?” His question comes out with a hesitation, like maybe he’s treading too far into Justin’s personal life.

Justin brushes the caution in Carter’s voice aside with a smile. “He tried,” he nods, glancing at Carter as he drives. “Sports aren’t really Matt’s thing, but he did his best to get involved as much as he could. Lainie did, too. I can’t really blame them for not doing anything more. I wasn’t going anywhere with football, but they made sure that I still got to play and have fun. That’s all I really needed.”

Letting a moment pass between them, Carter nods. “I like that you’re involved, for what it’s worth,” he says quietly, dragging his hand down the side of the door, the plastic vibrating underneath his touch. “My dad acts like he cares, and he asks me about it, but he comes to a handful of games a year if I’m lucky, and the only thing he cares about is how much money it can get me for school. I don’t think he really cares how well I’m doing or if I’m having fun.”

“I’m sure he does care,” Justin tries, shaking his head. “But you can’t keep playing the game just to go to college. If you’re not having fun, there’s no use in forcing yourself to keep playing.”

“I need a scholarship,” Carter says, tapping his fingers anxiously. “We can’t… college isn’t an option if I don’t have help.”

“There’s plenty of other ways to get help,” Justin assures him. “We don’t have to talk about this now, but we can always look through options and other ways you can still get everything you want if you don’t want football to be in the picture anymore.”

Carter swallows, nodding slowly and thanking him under his breath, the two of them parking downtown and walking down towards the cafe to meet Jess and Willow.

--

Everyone’s favorite weekend activity quickly becomes Willow and Hudson’s soccer games, the families staking out a spot on the sideline and finding a lot of enjoyment in watching a bunch of kids running back and forth on the soccer field fighting over the ball with little attention being paid to the rules.

Even Carter, who had been told countless times he could sleep in or spend the morning with his friends, got himself up every Saturday morning and joined them at the field, often tipping his head back and watching while he’s half asleep.

This time, Carter spends his morning taking photos on his phone of Willow playing so she could show their dad during the next visitation. He stored them all in a folder, showed a few to Jess as she sat beside him, and then took a few of Hudson so Justin could send them to Clay.

“Did things go better with the last visitation?” Clay asks quietly, thumbing through the photos Justin sent over. “I mean, he seems to be in a better mood this weekend.”

“Things were better,” Justin nods, glancing at Carter as he talks to Jess. “I’m going to be more involved with football, and Luke is going to help Carter with his technique a little more. I told Carter that football isn’t the only way he can get into school, but he wants to see where it can take him.”

Clay nods. “You used to think the same,” Clay reminds him. “But if he needs help with the academic scholarship side of things, I can help with that.”

“Oh really,” Justin smirks. “I mean, I’m capable of helping, too. I didn’t do horribly on my college essay or the scholarship essays.”

“No, but I think we both know I’m more inclined for that,” Clay smirks. “So when the kids go back to their dad, will you still have contact with them? I mean, I think it's great that you’re helping them right now, and obviously you’re doing the right thing, but what happens when they’re back with their dad and they have to figure out how to do this on their own?”

Squinting, Justin watches the game. “I don’t know what happens when they’re back with their dad yet,” he admits quietly. “We’re at least a few months off from them being back in his custody, but I would love to help them out after they’re not with us anymore. It’s just a matter of if their dad wants to keep contact with us. He doesn’t have to, that’s his option.”

“There’s nothing you can do about it?”

Justin shakes his head. “Once they’re not in our custody, it’s not up to us. There’s nothing I could say or do that would be legal.”

Clay nods, crossing his arms as the coaches pause the game to try to teach a new rule. “Well, let’s just hope that he wants you guys still in their lives,” he says. “I know you’ve overcome a lot and you’ve had a lot of good things since we were teenagers, but being a foster dad has been a really good thing for you.”

Justin can only smile, agreeing quietly as he nudges Clay’s shoulder with his own.

--

“Luke said something about this certain brand of gloves. He said they were a lifesaver for him or something when he made catches, or they made him make more catches than any other glove did,” Carter says quietly, following Justin through the aisles of the sporting goods store. “Do you think they actually helped him make catches or be better or whatever?”

Justin laughs, reading the signs hanging overhead. “No, but I do think Luke is just gullible enough to believe that those gloves made him the player he was.” Leading Carter to the football section, they look at the wall of gloves and cleats. “Zach said you need new cleats, but whatever else you need, let me know, okay? I’m using the money the state gives us, so you don’t need to feel guilty.”

Blushing, Carter nods and takes a step forward to look at the cleats. “These ones are cool. Do you like them?”

Justin looks up, nodding. “Do they have your size? You can try them on and see if they feel good when you’re playing, too.”

Carter digs through the boxes, finding his size and stepping back to put them on. Justin watches, reminded of the time he and Lainie spent an agonizing three hours at the mall getting him new shoes and clothes when he turned up to their house with nothing, and snaps out of it when Carter stands and takes a few steps back and forth, checking them out in the mirror.

“I like these, they work,” he says, sitting back down to take them off and put his normal shoes on. Justin nods, holding the box for him to put the shoes back in, and ignores that they’re the only cleats that were on sale in the entire row, understanding he did the same thing when Lainie took him shopping.

“I think the gloves are down here,” he says when Carter is ready to move on, leading him down the aisle and stopping at the gloves. “Do you remember which ones Luke said he liked?”

Nodding, Carter scans the gloves until he finds the ones Luke had been talking about, pulling them off and holding them in his hand. “I don’t know if these are really worth it.”

Nodding, Justin crosses his arms. “Do you think they’re more something you want over what you need?” he asks.

Carter nods, turning the gloves over and inspecting them. “I’ll probably still catch everything without them.”

“Probably,” Justin agrees. “But when was the last time you bought yourself something you wanted? You didn’t need it, you just wanted it.”

Carter shrugs. “When I bought myself a milkshake a few weeks ago when I hung out with my friends.”

“Food not included,” Justin smiles. “When was the last time you bought yourself something materialistic just because you wanted it?”

Beside him, Carter shifts uncomfortably. He remembers being in his position, wishing that Matt or Lainie would save him from having to answer the question. But it benefitted him to have to answer questions like these, and he knows Carter will benefit from thinking about it as well.

“I don’t know,” Carter finally whispers, hitting the gloves lightly against his hand. “I don’t remember the last time I got something just because I wanted it.”

“Okay,” Justin nods. “So, do you want the gloves?”

“Yeah, I do,” Carter decides after a minute, a hint of a smile tugging at the corners of his mouth.

“Then let’s get them,” Justin smiles. “Let yourself have something just because you want it, and for no other reason.”

Carter takes a deep breath, untenses his shoulders, and nods. “Yeah, okay,” he says, turning back to look at Justin. “I think I’m good. Everything else I have I got in the last few years.”

“Okay,” Justin nods. “Are you sure that’s all you need?”

When Carter nods, Justin leads him to the front of the store to pay.

--

“I was wondering if we could stop at that baby store downstairs?” Carter asks hesitantly as he follows him through the mall. “I have some money and I wanted to buy something for the baby or Jess.”

Justin smiles. “Of course we can stop,” he nods. “Get something for the baby, though. Jess will appreciate that more.”

Smiling, Carter agrees and follows Justin downstairs, immediately overwhelmed. “Okay, can you just like, tell me what to get her?”

“Let’s go look at the outfits,” Justin smiles, the two snaking through the stores and looking at other items on their way by. “Maybe something bigger than newborn clothes, I think we have plenty of those. Jess has been going a little overboard.”

Nodding, Carter looks through the clothes and stops on an outfit with anchors on it and navy blue pants, holding it up. “Do you think she’d like this?”

“I think she’d love it,” Justin nods. “Look for one size bigger than that.”

Carter digs through the clothing rack, smiling when he finds the correct size and tucks it under his arm, walking back through the store to pay. Justin resists the urge to pay for it, understanding the importance of Carter wanting it to come from him, and smiles when Carter takes the bag from the cashier and smiles at him.

“Okay, I’m good. We can go wherever else you need to go,” he says, Justin laughing.

“If you don’t tell Jess or your sister, let’s go get milkshakes.”

“Deal,” Carter agrees quickly, following Justin to the food court.

--

With a sudden desire to start putting together the nursery and be sure they have everything they need well in advance, Jess takes advantage of Justin and Carter spending the afternoon getting football equipment and meeting with Zach to take Willow out for a girls’ day.

“We can’t get too much, but I was thinking maybe today we could go look and pick out some books to put in the baby’s room,” Jess smiles, holding Willow’s hand through the parking lot. “Does that sound good?”

“Yeah!” Willow nods, running ahead when they’re safely on the sidewalk and pulling the door to the bookstore open, holding it for Jess as they make their way back to the children’s section. “How many books should we get?”

Looking at the older books that Jess remembers reading when she was young, she glances back to Willow. “You can pick three books,” she says, watching Willow nod and bend down to the books at her level, reading through the titles carefully.

Jess could spend hours in this section, the delicate books and colorful illustrations bringing up a sense of excitement inside of her. She had loved reading books with Willow, but they were chapter books with a few illustrations. She longed for the days where she lounged in the chair and read through picture books with their little girl, admiring the delicate illustrations she remembers loving so much as a child.

“I’ve picked my three!” Willow exclaims, juggling the three books in her hands. “Do you like them, Jess?”

Jess smiles, taking the books from her, and looking through the titles. Olivia, Five More Minutes, and Where Are You From? stare back at her, cute illustrations and colorful pages. Handing them back to Willow, Jess reaches out to Willow and brushes her braid back over her shoulder. “The baby is going to love those books, babe,” she assures her, turning back and picking three classics of her own, Goodnight Moon, The Very Hungry Caterpillar, and The Rainbow Fish.

“Let’s go see if we can find a new chapter book for us to read at night,” Jess smiles, holding her hand as they walk back over to the books for kids a little bit older, Jess helping Willow read through descriptions of books before deciding on A Bear Called Paddington so they could watch the movies after.

Taking their time to walk through the bookstore, Jess and Willow walk up to pay for the books, Jess holding the bag with one hand and Willow’s hand with the other. “If you promise to keep it a secret from Justin and Carter, then I think you and I should go get ice cream.”

Eyes widening, Willow nods furiously and skips alongside Jess. “I’ll keep it a secret, I promise!”

Jess laughs, nodding and leads Willow down the row of stores, walking into the ice cream shop. The two of them order, staking out a spot at a table by the window, and Jess arms them with multiple napkins to hopefully stop Willow from ruining her clothes.

“So, Wills, soccer is almost over. Is there another sport you want to try?” Jess asks, cringing when the ice cream drips off Willow’s spoon and back into her bowl.

Willow smiles, laughing as her ice cream falls, and digs back in. “I don’t know. I wouldn’t be good at basketball,” she shrugs. “Addie, my friend at school, is doing swim lessons.”

“Is she?” Jess asks, taking a bite of her own ice cream. “Do you want to do swim lessons?”

“Maybe,” Willow shrugs. “Could I if I wanted to?”

“Sure,” Jess nods. “But think about it and then let me know, okay? We can look into getting you into the same class as Addie so you’ll be together.”

Willow smiles, laughing when her ice cream falls again. “Oops,” she giggles, tipping her head back.

“You, kiddo, are going to be the reason why we get caught,” Jess laughs, reaching over the table to hand Willow a napkin.

Willow laughs, wiping off her chin before it spills, and looks down at her shirt. “I didn’t spill any on me!” she says, proudly showing off her shirt that’s free of stains.

Jess and Willow dissolve into laughter once more, and as people float in and out of the shop and the sun beats down brightly just outside the window, Jess finds herself wishing she could live in this moment just a little while longer.

Chapter Text

“You got the baby an outfit!? I want to get the baby something!”

“You got her books, Willow,” Carter reminds her with a sigh, running his hand over his face in a lame attempt to wake up.

“Yeah, but Jess knows about them,” Willow pouts, crossing her arms over her chest.

With Jess out at a bridal lunch for Ani’s wedding, Justin had confidently declared he had the weekend morning handled. But he made the mistake of mentioning wrapping the outfit for the baby and Willow got jealous, insisting that she wanted to go out with Justin to buy the baby something as well as a surprise.

“We can go pick out a stuffed animal or something at the store today,” Justin decides, stopping the arguments before they can start again. “That way you both get to give Jess something that’s a surprise.”

Satisfied with the compromise, Willow nods and reaches for the syrup, pouring it over her waffles with a devilish smile, laughing when Justin reaches out to stop her.

--

With Carter hanging out with his friends for a few hours, Justin and Willow seize the opportunity to go to the store and look at the stuffed animals, Willow reaching for Justin’s hand as they snake through the aisles.

“I think I want to get her an elephant,” Willow decides as they walk back towards the wall of stuffed animals, looking up at Justin. “Do you think they have any?”

“I’m sure they do,” Justin smiles, glancing down at her. “Why do you want to get her an elephant?”

Willow shrugs, skipping alongside him. “I don’t know. I just really like them,” she smiles. “Do you think the baby will like elephants?”

“She might,” Justin encourages, allowing her to let go of his hand when they reach the stuffed animals. She pulls her hand free, running over and looking around at all of the options.

Justin tried to think about what his daughter’s room would look like. They hadn’t really talked about nursery themes, at least not seriously, but the more he looked at the options the more he started loving an animal theme, and Willow’s idea of giving her an elephant would be the perfect start.

He sits on a nearby stool and watches Willow carefully look through each option, picking them up and holding them before gently placing them back on the shelf. She’d talk to herself quietly, evaluating the stuffed animals as if they were the most important part of her day, and Justin couldn’t help but smile at how seriously she was taking this.

Perched on her tiptoes, Willow pulls down the coveted elephant stuffed animal, running her fingers over his ears and tracing down the trunk. It was small, not going to take up much room, and Justin thought about how years from now they’d always be able to tell the story to their daughter of who gave her that elephant.

Willow smiles, turning on her heels, and squeezes the elephant to her chest. “I like this one,” she says, running over to him and holding it out for him to look at.

Justin mimics Willow’s actions, running his hands over the soft fabric with a smile. “This is perfect for a baby. It’s really soft, isn’t it?” he asks, looking up at her as she nods. “Are you sure this is the one you want to get the baby? You can’t change your mind once we leave back here.”

“I’m sure,” Willow nods, stepping back as Justin stands up. “I think the baby will love it.”

“I think you’re right,” Justin agrees, holding out his hand for Willow to take again. Willow reaches up, following Justin. “There’s just one more thing I want to get while we’re here, okay?” he says, leading her through the store and stopping in front of a display.

Willow lets go of his hand and steps forward before turning back in confusion. “Why are we looking at the water guns?”

Smiling, Justin steps forward. “It’s supposed to be warm, and I think we should have some fun this weekend,” he says, picking one up and handing it to her. “So, Willow, would you like to have a water gun fight?”

Willow’s eyes widen before crinkling up into a smile, laughing as she nods. “Can we please!?” she asks, celebrating in the aisle as Justin pulls down three more water guns - enough for the whole family to join in - and balances them in his one hand while holding Willow’s other hand.

Willow climbs into her seat when they’re back to the car, balancing the water gun on her lap with the elephant on top of that, swinging her legs as she smiles. “Can we play with the water guns right when we get home?”

Justin laughs, looking through the rearview mirror at her. “Sure, kid. We’ll hide the elephant so we can give it to Jess later, and then we’ll get changed into our bathing suits and go out and play.”

Nodding, Willow presses her head back against the headrest. “Does Hudson like water guns?”

“I don’t think he’s ever played with a water gun,” Justin says after a minute. “He’s still a little young, but I think he might love them,” he says. “Maybe we can go over there a little later today and have a water gun fight with him, too.”

Willow nods, smiling. “I want to,” she declares, turning her head to look out the window as they make their way home.

--

Justin can’t remember the last time he had a water gun fight.

He figures it must’ve been when he was a pre-teen spending long summers out by Bryce’s pool, he and the rest of the guys buying cheap water guns from the store in town and spending hours under the hot sun refilling them using the pool water. He remembers it being blissfully fun, the group laughing and teasing each other all day, and then one summer just never pulling those water guns out again.

He’d been thinking about reintroducing water gun fights with Carter and Willow for a while, but hadn’t quite been able to justify buying the water guns as the weather stayed cool. Using the first warm weekend as the perfect excuse, he proudly documented his first attempt at pulling Willow’s hair up into a messy bun, taught her how to fill the water gun using the garden hose in the backyard, and showed her the best places to hide, helping her achieve power when she shot the water across the backyard with a delighted squeal, her bare feet navigating through the grass to shoot Justin from close range.

Within ten minutes both of them were soaked and Willow’s bun had wilted, her hair slowly beginning to fall out as she pushed it away from her face. She follows Justin over to the hose again, holding it out for him to refill.

“Does Jess like water gun fights?” she asks, watching Justin refill the guns carefully.

Justin smiles, wrapping his hand around hers to hold the gun. “You know, I don’t know,” he says. “But I don’t think she’d want to play right now because of the baby.”

Nodding, Willow reaches her free hand out to hold the gun more securely. “Can we go play with Hudson then? Or ask Carter to come home?”

Justin caps off the water gun, smiling. “Sure, let’s get our shoes on and walk to Clay and Naomi’s. We can surprise them,” he says, holding both guns as they walk back to the back door and slip their flip flops on.

--

Unsurprisingly, Clay is less than enthusiastic about his brother showing up at his door with water guns and the threat to start the fight while he’s still standing in the house.

Willow peers out from behind Justin’s legs, letting her water gun fall to her side. “We brought an extra water gun for Hudson!” she exclaims, dancing excitedly on her feet.

Clay looks at her, biting back a smile. “Then I guess Hudson and I should get our bathing suits on, huh kiddo?” he says, laughing when Willow nods and celebrates. “We’ll meet you in the backyard in five minutes.”

Justin and Willow walk around the house, kicking off their shoes. “Come here, Wills. We’re going to hide here to surprise them when they come outside,” he whispers, leading her back behind one of the hedges and crouching down. Willow laughs, covering her mouth to hide her giggles as she leans against Justin’s side.

They wait until they hear the back door open, jumping up and shooting water immediately. Hudson screams, covering his face and laughing before running down the steps as fast as he can, quickly grabbing at the water gun Justin’s offering him and running to chase Willow.

“You know, when I tried to figure out how you’d relate to Willow, I should’ve remembered that you have the mentality of a 6 year old that would help you have fun with her, too,” Clay sighs, crossing his arms over his chest as Justin walks over to him.

Justin rolls his eyes. “I’m not saying you had no fun as a child because I know Matt and Lainie did a ton of fun things with you, but I think you forget the joys of a water gun fight,” he smirks, handing him the last water gun. “Now, you can either join in, or you can be subject to the kids and I shooting you and getting you soaking wet while you don’t fight back. Your choice, dude,” he smiles, patting him on the back and running towards the kids, laughing as he sprays both of them eagerly.

Clay rolls his eyes, waiting a moment before joining in. Hudson and Willow scream, laughing as Clay chases them, spraying them with the water gun.

They refill their guns a million times, and by the time the kids are breathing heavily with exhaustion and laying in the grass spraying their water guns straight up in the air so it falls down on them, Justin and Clay find themselves needing a break as well.

“I know I make fun of you for being immature and always being the more fun brother, but you really do know how to make things fun,” Clay says, sitting down beside Justin on the lounge chair. “Plus, it saved me from having to rebuild with lego for the next three hours while Naomi is out with her friends.”

Laughing, Justin glances at Willow and Hudson in the grass. “I just want her to be able to be a kid,” he says quietly. “When I was her age, I was worried about finding my mom with a needle in her arm or overdosing on pills and alcohol or something. I know it’s not the same thing, but her mom left her last year and now her dad is working on making sure he can be a better parent because he used to hurt and yell at them. She deserves to just play with water guns and chase kids around her own age without worrying about anyone else.”

“You want to save her from having the childhood you had,” Clay says quietly, looking over at Justin.

“Her childhood isn’t like mine, I know it isn’t, but if I could make hers easier, give her good memories that she can look back on and realize that not every moment was horrible, I think I’d feel like maybe what I was doing was helping.”

Clay nods. “It makes sense, Justin,” he assures him. “And I know you weren’t fishing for this, but I think you need to hear it right now. You help hundreds of kids make sure that their childhood was better than yours. You step in when they need it, you give them a safe and stable home when they need it the most, and you don’t expect anything in return except knowing that those kids are okay. You’re stepping in for kids in ways you wish people stepped in for you. You don’t just do this for Willow and Carter, you do this for all those kids who need it.”

Justin shifts uncomfortably. “Sometimes it doesn’t feel like enough,” he admits. “There are days where I wonder what my life would’ve been like if someone stepped in when I was her age. And I know it’s different with Willow than it is for the other kids I work with, but I want to help them all. I want to make their lives better.”

“And you are,” Clay stresses. “But Justin, you can’t save all of them completely. I hope you know that what you’re doing is amazing, but you can’t stress out when everything doesn’t get saved. And that includes saving Willow and making her childhood magically better. You can’t make up for everything that happened to you, but you’re doing more than enough.”

Justin looks back to Willow and Hudson, who flipped over to look at the bugs crawling through the grass, their water guns discarded by their sides. “She is pretty happy, isn’t she?”

“She and Carter both are,” Clay smiles. “You’re doing a great job, and I promise you that everything you’re doing to make sure they get to be kids is working.”

Justin nods, tipping his head back and sighing, allowing his brother’s words to sink in.

--

As quickly as the soccer season had begun, the group found themselves at the final game of the season. Ready with special treats to celebrate the end of the season, Naomi and Jess set up their chairs while Justin and Clay took Hudson and Willow over to join their team, Carter spreading out a blanket and laying down in front of them.

“I feel like this is the one sport I’ve watched where I legit don’t think either of them got any better at the sport,” Carter comments, laughing when Jess nudges his leg with her foot.

“Both of them stopped running up to the ball and picking it up. I feel like that alone is a win,” Naomi offers with a laugh. “And honestly, it’s pretty cute that they all bunch together trying to get the ball.”

Shrugging, Carter pulls at the weeds beside him. “I mean, I guess,” he shrugs, smiling.

Justin and Clay join them, sitting down in chairs beside their wives. Carter turns so he can see the game, and while he had been cynical on how much they really learned or if any soccer was really ever played, Jess does catch him cheering for Willow when she dribbles the ball down the field in an attempt to score a goal.

She thinks about the age difference between the two of them, how similar it is to her and her brothers, and remembers being just as supportive as he is to Willow, even if it does feel a little ridiculous.

Each team is given a trophy at the end, Willow waiting on the edge for Hudson to receive his before reaching out for his hand, the two of them running back to where everyone was sitting.

“Let us take a picture of the two of you together!” Naomi smiles, digging for her phone as Jess does the same, the two of them taking photos of both kids with their trophies.

Jess reaches for the snacks she packed, handing each of them a bag. “It’s nice out, why don’t you two go run around on the playground for a little while,” she suggests when they dig into their bags, sitting just long enough to eat their bag of pretzels before taking off for the playground behind the group.

“Carter, why don’t you go hang out with your friends?” Justin offers. “Those two are going to play on the playground until they exhaust themselves, you don’t need to sit here doing nothing.”

Hesitating, Carter sits up and runs his fingers through his hair. “Are you sure? I don’t mind staying if you want me to.”

“Go,” Jess smiles. “Just check in every once in a while, okay? Even if it’s just a text to let us know where you are.”

“Yeah, okay,” he nods, standing up and brushing his hands on his pants. “I’ll text you to let you know where we are. Bye, guys,” he smiles, waving before saying goodbye to Willow and Hudson, leaving the gates of the playground with his phone in hand.

“I gotta say, you two are almost making me look forward to parenting the teen years,” Naomi says with a smile, looking between Jess and Justin.

“Oh, don’t do that,” Jess says with a laugh. “I’m terrified about teenage years with our own kid, but we were thrown into this with Carter. When we get to that stage, I will be taking any and all advice from you after going through it with Hudson.”

“We’ll read all those cringy parenting books and act like those work, and our kids will absolutely be embarrassed by us. It’s the perfect solution,” Naomi suggests with a laugh, shaking her head. “But for now, let’s enjoy the ease of two little kids playing on the playground together, and celebrate that they’re absolutely going to pass out when we get home from all the activity this morning.”

Jess laughs, tipping her water bottle in Naomi’s direction, the two laughing as they catch up on everything they’d missed with each other throughout the week.

--

If there was one expectant thing Justin had expected when it came to their friend group being adults, it was that Charlie and Alex would have the most homey, spotless house. Juxtaposed with how his and Jess’ house looked at the moment - sports gear thrown haphazardly by the back door, shoes piled high on the shoe racks beside it, toys and games stuffed into the cubbies of the entertainment center - he was almost jealous of how amazing their place looked.

“Okay, so, I’m assuming I wasn’t asked to come over without Jess just to hang out,” he smiles, taking a seat on their sofa and leaning back against the cushions.

Charlie laughs, sitting on the opposite sofa with Alex. “I mean, you know we love having you over, but you’re right, we definitely would’ve invited Jess,” he laughs. “We’ve been talking more about starting our family, and we’ve decided that we’d like to look into adoption.”

Raising his eyebrows, Justin breaks out into a grin. “Congrats, guys,” he says. “What made you decide on adoption? I know you guys were going back and forth.”

Alex glances at Charlie. “I think it’s better if we start off with something permanent. Something that starts our family and solidifies it. And then when we get the hang of being parents and feel comfortable with adding more, we’d probably explore the option of fostering and helping out where it's needed immediately.”

Justin nods. “Either way would’ve felt like a good option for you guys, but I can definitely see you two adopting before fostering.”

“We know you don’t work specifically with adoption, but we figured you’d probably be able to at least point us in the right direction,” Charlie smiles, cheerful as he moves his arm to rest behind Alex, “unless you can’t, and then maybe you could at least just tell us the place we could go.”

Laughing, Justin shifts. “I can help point you in the right direction, help you make connections with the adoption agency. I can’t help you with the whole process since that’s not my job, but I can help answer questions or walk through the process as you guys start to go through it. I’m assuming you guys have done some research?”

Alex laughs. “Of course we’ve done research. You know Charlie can’t make any decision without researching for at least a week, and adoption? That was at least a three week process.”

“I like to be properly informed before I make my decision! Especially when it comes to starting our family,” Charlie argues with a smile. “I would’ve taken longer, but I think the more I read about adoption, the more I realized that was probably the right decision for right now.”

“And you’re on board with this, right?” Justin asks, looking at Alex. “Not that I don’t trust that you two talked about this at length and came to the decision, but you wouldn’t believe the amount of prospective foster parents I interview who actually aren’t on the same page about being foster parents.”

Alex only looks mildly surprised before he nods. “We talked about it a lot. I know I was pretty set on fostering first, but Charlie brought up some great points,” he shrugs. “I’m going to be happy either way, I just want to start our family. And the more I thought about it, the more Charlie was right. Adoption is permanent, there’s no second guessing, no living day to day wondering if it’ll be the day we hear that they’re going to begin the reuniting process. Maybe fostering will be right for us in the future, but right now, adoption is what’s going to fit our family.”

The confidence Alex speaks with is a confidence Justin can’t ever remember from him. He sounds so sure of himself, so confident that they’re making this decision because it’s what’s best, and Justin finds himself admiring Alex.

They’ve come so far from where they were all those years ago in high school.

“Okay, well, since you two have made this decision, I’ll send you a list of contacts I have at adoption agencies who can help you get started with the process and at least fill out the paperwork to get you on the way to being eligible parents.”

Charlie beams, fingers tapping on his leg excitedly. “You’re the best,” he comments. “I mean, we always appreciated you, but you’re just a little higher on our list now.”

“I see how it is, Char,” Justin teases. “I do one thing to help you two, besides being the best officiant at your wedding, and suddenly I spring to the top of the list as your favorite of the friend group.”

“I still don’t think we made the right decision having you as officiant of our wedding,” Alex says, rolling his eyes, but there’s a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth.

“I brought the comedic relief,” Justin reminds him, laughing at the memories of his officiating as the guests all laughed their way through the ceremony, taking the nervous energy away from Charlie and Alex when they needed it the most.

Standing, Justin smiles and fixes his shirt. “I’ll text you guys the contact info for the adoption agents I know so you can get in touch. But if you need any help or have any questions, you can come back to me and I’ll do whatever I can. Including if you need references or anything.”

Charlie and Alex nod, thanking him. “You can tell Jess we’ll fill her in when we see her.”

Nodding, Justin walks to the front door. “She’ll be waiting for you to call, and I know she’s my wife and I love her and I’m so happy to be a parent with her, but pregnant Jess is another beast. I wouldn’t keep her hanging on for long.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll see her in a few days,” Alex says with a smile. “I accidentally forgot to text her back last week and got a not so pleasant phone call asking where I could’ve been.”

“Sounds about right,” Justin nods, saying goodbye and walking back to his car.

--

With Justin over at Charlie and Alex’s and Willow at a playdate, Jess takes the time she has to herself to start decorating the nursery, the crib still resting on the wall for Clay and Justin to build when there’s a free weekend.

She turns on music and turns back to the bags of decorations, stuffed animals and books she’d received from both her baby shower and things she bought herself. Piled high under the window, Jess looks around at the pale green room she had Justin paint, trying to envision what her life would be like in a few short months when the baby arrived.

She takes a moment and sits down in the rocker, pulling out clothes and cutting off the tags, setting them in a pile to be washed.

“I’m home,” Carter says, interrupting the quiet with a smile. “Are you busy?”

“Just setting some things up and getting ready to wash all of this,” she smiles. “Did you have a good time with your friends?”

Carter nods, stepping into the room. “We just played pickup basketball,” he shrugs. “Can I help you?”

“If you want,” she nods, nudging a bag to him. “There’s a bunch of books and stuffed animals in that bag. Want to figure out where they should go? And if there’s too many, don’t worry about it.”

Carter nods, moving over to the bookshelves that were already set up. “I can do the bookshelves. That seems easier,” he laughs, pulling the books out one by one.

Jess watches him go through the books and carefully place them on the shelves. “I did this with my mom when she was pregnant with Willow,” he mentions quietly, staring at the bookshelf. “She was sober, and she seemed excited about having another baby, and I think she thought that because I’m so much older than Willow, maybe if I was included in it I’d be more excited.”

“Were you excited to have a little sister?” Jess asks, holding up a newborn onesie and marveling at the size.

Carter shrugs, scrunching his nose. “I would’ve preferred a little brother,” he teases. “But it’s been nice not being an only child. Even if it’s me taking care of her more than being a sibling for her.”

Jess smiles. “My brothers are a lot younger than me. I remember being so excited about my parents having them so I wasn’t an only child, even if they did end up being pretty annoying.”

Carter laughs, flipping through another book before placing it on the shelf.

“Carter,” Jess begins, waiting a minute to gather her thoughts, “Justin and I want to make sure that you know that no matter what happens, we will always be here for you. Even when you’re back with your dad, if you need something from one of us, you are always welcome here unannounced.”

Carter stills, staring at the bookshelf. “You’ve already taken care of Willow for us for so long, I don’t want to put you out even more when we’re not even staying with you guys,” he says quietly. “Besides, you guys will have the baby and who knows, maybe other babies.”

“That doesn’t mean we stop caring about the two of you,” Jess reassures him. “Carter, I know things are tense with your dad, and I know that Justin is the better parent to help you through how you’re feeling since he’s been through it before with his mom. But I want you to know that we are not going anywhere, we will always have our door open for you and Willow.”

“And Carter,” she continues, “if there’s anything about the baby or pregnancy that makes you uneasy, please let us know. We want you to be as comfortable as possible, okay?”

“Okay,” he nods. “But how I’m involved right now is perfect. I know Willow is more involved, and thanks for letting her do that, but I’m good with how things are now.”

Jess smiles, nodding. “Okay, good,” she says, standing up to place some stuffed animals around the room.

She’s not expecting Carter to stand up as well, hugging her without warning. “I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for Willow and me. You let her be a kid, and you’ve made this way easier than it seems like it is sometimes,” he says, pulling away. “I read a lot of forums from foster kids online, just to see what their lives are like, and I know how lucky we are.”

Jess bites her lip, forcing back the tears, and reaches forward to cup his cheek. “You don’t have to thank us,” she assures him, watching his cheeks redden. “You both deserve to be kids, Carter. Not just Willow. And for however long you’re with us, we want you to just be a kid. A kid who hangs out with his friends and does stupid pranks and maybe even go on dates, if you want. You don’t have to shoulder that responsibility of Willow anymore.”

Carter’s eyes water as he nods, leaning forward to hug her again. “Thank you,” he mumbles, and Jess holds him as his body relaxes.

It’s the breakthrough she feels they’ve needed.

Chapter Text

The last time Justin regularly attended football games, Charlie was a senior.

They’d packed into the stands as a friend group every week, made embarrassing signs and cheered for Charlie until their throats hurt. He remembers it feeling incredible that they all made it to this point, that they were all happy to feel as though they were turning a corner, and then the elation crashing down the following year when he couldn’t find the energy to go to the football games despite Zach still being a coach.

It was one thing when he had been going to cheer on Charlie, but after his graduation, with none of their friends participating in the game beyond coaching, Justin never really felt up to going and just watching a game.

Now, as he squeezes into the stands surrounded by football parents, Willow pressed between him and Jess playing games on Jess’ phone, he feels like no time has passed at all. He settles in, giving Willow snacks when she asks for something, and lets himself get involved with the game.

Zach and Kerba had been right - Carter did have talent. He made it seem so effortless out there, making out of this world catches and running for touchdowns as if he was meant to be a football player. Justin had always believed that Carter really was good at football - Zach and Kerba wouldn’t lie - but it was becoming obvious that Carter was being modest about just how good he was.

Making a mental note to text Luke about working with Carter again, Justin watches intently, finding himself holding his breath when Carter is tackled and cheering wildly when he makes a catch, wondering if this is how Matt and Lainie felt each time they watched him play.

He feels his heart pounding when the game comes down to the final play, and then the heartbreak when they end up losing, the Liberty players hanging their head in defeat.

Justin remembers the feeling after close games like that. The unmistakable thoughts that he’s let the team down, that somehow this fell squarely on his shoulders. He wasn’t nearly as invested in football as Carter is, and finds himself spending the ride home worrying that Carter would feel the same blame he had all those years ago while Jess and Willow talk excitedly in the car about the book they’re going to read that night even though it’s well after bedtime, and the weekend plans they wanted to do together.

--

Carter takes his time coming home that night, texting Justin so he doesn’t worry. Jess takes her time putting Willow to bed before getting ready for bed herself, allowing Justin to wait downstairs for Carter to get home.

It’s not that Justin is surprised when Carter walks in through the back door after leaving his friend’s car, dropping his things and kicking off his shoes, making sure they made it into his bin. Justin gives him a minute, watches him put his water bottle in the dishwasher and turns around to get a snack, barely acknowledging Justin sitting there.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” he mumbles, sighing as he pushes his hand through his hair. “We don’t need to talk about how if I didn’t miss that catch it would’ve been enough for us to win.”

Justin stands, walking towards the kitchen. “You’re right, we don't have to talk about it,” he agrees, crossing his hands over his chest. “But you know that game wasn’t your fault, right? Not making that catch or not, this loss doesn’t fall solely on you.”

Carter makes himself a peanut butter and jelly, shaking his head. “Yeah, no,” he says, tapping his fingers rhythmically on the counter. “If I hadn’t missed that catch, we wouldn’t have had to rely on our defense to stop their offense again.”

“I used to blame myself for losses, too,” he says. “But you can’t. Football isn’t an individual sport, it’s a team sport. You can’t be expected to win the game for all of them, and Hillcrest is a good team. This wasn’t a bad loss, Carter.”

“Can you please just stop?” Carter says quietly, staring at the counter. “I know you think this makes me feel better, and maybe it does sometimes, but you can’t get everything in my life the way you say you do.”

He stops, shaking his head. The words hang lamely on the edge of Justin’s tongue, left unsaid as Carter speaks up again. “I’ve seen Matt and Lainie’s house, I’ve met them. I know you say things were bad until you were with them, but you’ve had years of stability. Maybe you would’ve gotten it back then, but you don’t get it now. You have this great life, and it’s been years since you were around anything that was as bad as you make it sound. So no, you don’t get how I feel right now, and you don’t get how I feel about all this bullshit with my dad.”

Surprised, Justin falters for a minute. “Let’s just stop and take a deep breath,” he says quietly, guiding Carter through his breathing. “I’m sorry for minimizing how you were feeling. You played well tonight. I’m proud of you. I hope you’re proud of yourself.”

Carter nods, blowing out a breath. “I won’t stay up too late.”

“Okay,” Justin nods. He’s not going to fight it right now even if he were to stay up late. “Goodnight, Carter.”

“Night, Justin.”

Jess is half asleep when Justin climbs into his side of the bed, reaching out for his hand. “Is he taking the loss okay?” she asks, voice quiet as she closes her eyes again.

Justin sighs, waiting a minute. “I don’t know how he feels about the loss, but I think he might hate me?”

Jess turns, sitting up. “What? Why would he hate you?”

Sinking under the blankets, Justin stares at the ceiling. “I told him that I used to put the blame on myself, too, but this is a team game and it’s not all on him,” he says. “And then he sort of got upset and said that I keep saying I get everything that’s going on, but he’s met Matt and Lainie and seen their house and knows that I had their love and support for more years now, so I can’t really get it.”

Jess sucks in a sharp breath. “You know that’s not true, right?” she asks quietly. “He’s saying it out of anger. The trauma that comes from your life with your mom isn’t any less relatable just because you’ve had Matt and Lainie for years.”

He laces their fingers together, nodding. “No, I know. I guess I just feel bad that this whole time I was trying to show him that I understood and I want him to feel like he can talk about anything, but maybe it was making it worse?”

“He’s upset about the game, babe. He’s 16, he’s a pro at saying things that hurt you,” Jess reminds him. “You did the right thing telling him about your life so he knows you can relate to what he’s going through. I hope you don’t regret that.”

“I don’t,” Justin says weakly, but he’s pretty sure he doesn’t believe himself.

“You can handle this how you want, choose how to fix this or make it right with Carter in whatever way you think will work, and I will support you. I want you to know that.”

Nodding, Justin lets a moment of silence pass between them. Outside their bedroom door they hear Carter make his way upstairs and quietly shut his bedroom door behind him, only to reappear and walk to the bathroom to shower.

“I’ll figure out what to do to make it better,” he promises. “Thanks for not letting me freak out over it.”

Jess smiles. “Of course. You’ll figure it out,” she assures him. “I love you,” she smiles, kissing him and turning onto her side.

“I love you, too,” Justin smiles, drawing patterns on Jess’ back until he falls asleep.

--

When Justin arrives in the kitchen the next morning as everyone sits down to eat, he’s not surprised that Carter ignores him.

He thinks he deserves it, really, for how poorly the night before went, but there was still a hope in the back of his mind that their argument the night before would be brushed to the side and everything would feel normal again.

He kisses Jess on the cheek and Willow on the head, walking around the island to pour himself coffee. “Do you have plans today, Carter?” he asks, breaking the ice abruptly.

Carter looks up, blinking. “No,” he says, shoveling the last bite of cereal into his mouth.

Nodding, Justin grabs a muffin from the container, and turns back around. “I was hoping you and I could go out and do something today. There’s something I want to show you,” he says, holding his breath. “If you don’t want to, that’s fine.”

Carter shrugs, standing and putting his bowl in the sink. “That’s fine, we can go wherever it is you want to go,” he says easily, and Justin gives him a moment to back out before he believes him.

“Can I come?” Willow asks, wiping the jelly from her toast off the corner of her mouth with her hand, accepting the napkin Justin hands her.

“This adventure is just going to be me and Carter, but you and I will do something special soon, okay?”

“We’ll have our own adventure today, Wills. A girls’ day,” Jess smiles, relieved when it’s enough to grab Willow’s attention and agree enthusiastically.

Both kids race to get ready, and Jess turns to Justin, a wary smile on her face. “Dare I ask what you have planned?”

“I’m going to take him to my old neighborhood, and I’m going to come clean about it all. The drugs, the addicted mom, what I went through. Even if I can’t directly relate to him, he deserves to know that I still have a lot I’m working through from being with her. I know he knows that she was an addict, but he deserves to know about me.”

Jess nods, resting her chin on his shoulder. “Can you at least promise me you’ll make sure he’s okay to hear all of this? A lot of what you've been through is traumatic, and he’s been through a lot.”

“I’m definitely going to make sure he can handle all of this, and I’m still going to leave a lot out. But I think it’ll help him to see where I came from to understand better,” he promises, kissing her head. “I’m going to go get ready, you think about what you and Willow are going to do today to make it special.”

--

For the first few minutes of the drive, Carter and Justin don’t talk. It’s not all that unexpected, Justin thinks, and instead of welcoming the silence he turns on the radio, cutting the tension.

He’s content with having a quiet car ride for a few minutes until Carter speaks up. “I’m sorry about last night,” he says, voice quiet as he stares straight ahead. “I know you were just trying to help, and I was rude about what you were doing.”

“It’s okay,” Justin nods, turning back onto the back roads. “I know it’s frustrating to hear people say they understand, and I know it doesn’t do much to help. If you’re okay with it and you want to know, I thought today would be a good day to tell you more about my life. And if you don’t want to hear it, then we’ll go home and you can hang out with your friends or we’ll play FIFA or something.”

With Carter taking a moment to think about it, Justin unconsciously slows down the car and watches from the corner of his eye as Carter taps his fingers against his thigh. “Yeah, okay. I want to know more about your life,” he finally says, clearing his throat.

Nodding, Justin resumes driving at a normal speed. “If you don’t want to hear anymore or this is too much, I need you to say so, Carter,” he reminds him. “I’m trusting that you’ll be completely honest with me. I don’t want you to go along with this because you want to make me happy. You need to be comfortable with this.”

“I know,” Carter promises, turning to look out the window. “I’ll be honest.”

Justin nods, navigating the familiar roads towards his own neighborhood, and hums along to the radio.

This isn’t the first time Justin has been back in his old neighborhood since he was a teenager. Many of his clients live on this side of town in small homes and apartments similar to how he grew up. While Justin still lives with the memories of his life back on this side of Evergreen, of everything horrible that he went through, he doesn’t resent being back here, or the good times he did have riding his bikes through the streets or playing with the neighborhood kids long into the evening.

He pulls onto his old street, slowing down and taking in the front yards covered in dirt instead of grass, the bikes resting against mailboxes and front doors, and the old cars parked out front. Pulling onto the side, he shifts the car into park.

“That right there is the last place I lived,” he says, pointing to the house that looks as if it’s frozen in time. “My mom and I lived there for most of my life. Sometimes it was just the two of us, sometimes she’d move her boyfriends in and they would live there, too.”

“You know my mom was a drug addict, but what I didn’t tell you is that I was, too,” he says quietly, staring at the front door with the iron screen door in front of it. “Living in that house was so hard, and it was so easy for me to have access to drugs because of what she chose to do and who she chose to bring into the house.”

Beside him, Carter swallows roughly. “What were you addicted to?” he asks quietly.

“Anything I could get my hands on,” he admits, shaking his head. “For a while I just smoked weed, but then I started stealing their coke and bringing it around my friends, and then I slipped into heroin. Anything that I could get that would take the edge off and make living there a little easier, I would take.”

He waits a moment, gathering his thoughts. “Life in that house was not easy. I had nothing, my mom didn’t care about me, and I was really left to figure out everything for myself,” he says. “My mom’s boyfriends were rarely nice, and often didn’t like that she had a child hanging around. Having kids and being a dealer is a risk, and a lot of them wished that I wasn’t there. But my mom liked the stability they gave her, so she sided with them.”

“I ran away from this house when I was 16 for a lot of different reasons, but I honestly felt I’d be safer homeless than I would have been living there,” he says quietly, stretching his legs out.

“Where did you run to?” Carter asks. His voice is impossibly small, like asking these questions will snowball into setting off a grenade.

“Oakland,” Justin replies, sighing. “I stole money from my mom’s boyfriend and took a bus into the city. I spent a few nights in a hotel, and when I couldn’t afford it anymore, I lived on the streets. I only came back to Evergreen because of Clay.”

Carter nods. “So he came and found you?”

Justin smiles at the thought. “Yeah, he did,” he nods. “We weren’t friends then, so I didn’t take it very well, but honestly? If he hadn’t come and got me I don’t think I’d be alive today. He saved me, he brought me to his house when he hated me, and he allowed his parents to help me and give me a life I had never had.”

Carter shifts in his seat. “Did he know you were an addict?”

“Yes,” Justin breathes. “He helped me get clean. When I relapsed, Matt and Lainie got me more help so that I could get better. I think most people at school knew I was an addict, no one just really cared to help.”

Pulling back out onto the road, Justin takes his time starting to go back home. “What did your mom think?”

A ghost of a smile passes his face. “Nothing, really. She kept telling me to come home, that things would be better, but I really don’t think she cared that I was gone,” he admits. “She could have fought for custody if she wanted, but they needed her to sign me out of juvenile detention and she didn’t answer their calls when they were finally able to locate her. That’s when I sort of knew her addiction really was more important than me.”

The tension is thick in the car, and Justin allows it to pass, waiting for Carter to gather his thoughts.

“Do you have a relationship with her now?”

Justin chews on his lip. “She passed away when I was a senior in high school,” he says quietly. “Overdosed down by the pier. We never quite fixed things.”

Carter nods. “What about your dad?”

“I never knew him,” Justin says. “I don’t want to know him, either. He had no interest in being in my life, so there’s no reason why I should have forced it.”

“I’m sorry,” Carter says reflexively, stretching his legs out and shaking his head. “Sorry, I hate when people say that to me when they find out what’s going on, I know it’s useless.”

“But it’s something,” Justin says with a smile. “Look, kid, I’m never going to understand what you’re going through. I’m never going to understand the fear that you must’ve felt that day your dad almost hurt Willow. But what I do know about is having less than perfect parents. I understand having an absent parent and a parent who isn’t necessarily the kind of parent your friends have.”

“I don’t expect you to ever want to talk about your mom or your dad, or ever feel like you need to talk about them. But I thought it was important that you see where I grew up and a little bit of what I went through to know that I do get it, Carter. And in the moments I don’t understand, I will make sure that you feel safe to talk about whatever is on your mind,” he encourages. “And if Jess and I are too close or you don’t want to share, we can look into therapy.”

Carter shakes his head. “No therapists, at least not right now,” he says quickly. “But thanks for showing me and telling me more about your life. I get it now, and I know that you can understand what I’m dealing with.”

Justin nods. A silence passes through the car again, far more comfortable than before, and Carter turns to Justin.

“Does it get easier? Knowing your mom doesn’t care about you?” he asks, folding his hands together anxiously.

Justin sighs, blowing out a breath. “Honestly? I’m not sure. I went to years of therapy and have an amazing mom in Lainie, and yet sometimes I still wonder what I could’ve done differently to have a better relationship with my mom, or what life would’ve been like had she gotten sober and cared.”

Carter pulls at a fray on his shorts. “I know I say I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive my dad, but it’s a million times worse with my mom. She left in the middle of the night, and her note telling us she was gone was written on a post-it. Even if she wants to see me again, I don’t think I’ll ever want to see her.”

Tapping his fingers against the steering wheel, Justin sighs. “You don’t ever have to see her again if you don’t want to. She signed over parental rights, which means you cannot be forced to see her if that’s not something you want,” he says. “But think about it, okay? And you have to allow Willow to make her own decisions on what she wants, even if you don’t agree.”

“Did you ever want to go back with your mom?”

“No,” Justin says immediately. “And Clay or the Jensens didn’t want me to either. They didn’t think it’d be good for me, which they were right about. But if your mom is clean and sober and can prove that she can stay that way for a short visit, maybe you will eventually find you’d want to see her.”

“I won’t,” Carter replies defiantly, shaking his head.

Justin nods, pulling back out in front of their house. “And that’s more than understandable. She hurt you, Carter, in ways that no parent ever should, and you shouldn’t feel obligated to see her just because she wants to see you.”

“Thank you for this,” Carter says quietly, reaching to unbuckle his seatbelt. “And I can come talk to you about anything with this?”

“Anything,” Justin replies easily, a smile on his face. “I love you, kid, and we’ll support you with whatever you need.”

Carter smiles, thanking him again quietly, and laughs as they tease each other back up to the front steps.

--

Sitting in the window booth of Rosie’s diner, Willow perched on the sticky plastic across from her, Jess takes a moment to take in Willow’s features.

Her curls that they’ve just barely managed to tame tied loosely into a ponytail. Her bright blue eyes, wide and full of hope as she pushes her straw through her milkshake. Her devilish grin as she pucks the cherry from the top of the whipped cream piled high, biting it off the stem and chewing.

It had only been a few months since Willow and Carter came into their lives, and Jess can’t remember her life without them. It’s not like she wants to, either, finding herself thinking about the day they’re reunited with their father and she has to say goodbye is the quickest way to dissolve her into a fit of tears.

So much has changed about both kids in those few months. Willow looks impossibly older, the toothless grin she arrived with now replaced by two adult teeth. Her quiet demeanor has turned into a wicked sense of humor, a constant source of laughter in their house when they need it the most.

Even Carter, who hasn’t changed all that much looks wise, seems to have grown up so much since first arriving. He’s come out of his shell, no longer nervous to ask Justin to toss the football after dinner with him in the backyard, or to ask Jess more about majors in college and everything he has at his fingertips.

She feels like she’s watched them grow up, and it makes her both proud and fear for the future when they’re no longer part of their lives.

“Olivia and Kenzie told me that they’re going to have a pool party soon if it’s warm,” Willow says, breaking Jess’ trance and looking up at her with bright eyes. “Can I go?”

“Of course you can go,” Jess smiles. “I’ll talk to their mom once we have an invitation, okay?”

Willow nods excitedly, pursing her lips around her straw. “They live near my other house, where Dad lives.”

“Okay,” Jess says. Waiting a minute, she takes a breath and a sip of her own milkshake. “You’ve seen your dad a few times. Do you want to talk about it? Do you have fun?”

“It’s fun,” Willow nods, leaning back on her heels and swiping at the condensation on the edge of the glass. “But Melanie is always there, and we never go anywhere besides that room. It gets a little boring.”

Jess sighs, shaking her leg under the table. “What’s your favorite thing to do when you’re there?” she asks, hoping to shift the conversation.

“Color,” Willow says immediately. “Or play the games they have. But sometimes that’s not fun cause Carter gets too excited about it.”

Biting back a smile, Jess thinks about the one time they had family game night and watched Carter and Justin battle it out for being most competitive. “What would you rather do?”

“Play at the park,” she shrugs. “Do you think we can one day?”

“I’m sure one day you’ll be able to. Maybe we can talk to Justin about it,” Jess offers, hoping that this will be something that slips Willow’s mind.

Willow nods absentmindedly, reaching for her milkshake again. “How much longer until the baby gets here?”

Startled by the question, Jess composes herself and smiles. “Not much longer, babe,” she says, stirring up the excitement in her own heart. “If you’re still with us, what’s the first thing you want to do when you meet her?”

“Hold her,” Willow says, smiling brightly. “She’s gonna be so teeny, Jess! Like she’ll fit in my arms.”

“She will,” Jess laughs, sipping her milkshake. “We’ll have to be really careful with her, won’t we?”

Willow nods. “Uh huh,” she says, slurping the last of her milkshake with a smile. “When Emma’s mom had a baby, I had to hold his head really still. It’s like that with this baby, too.”

“It is,” Jess smiles. “You’re going to be so great, I know it,” she encourages, laughing when Willow looks back up at her with a whipped cream mustache, dissolving into a fit of giggles.

--

It’s not that Justin wasn’t expecting the update from Melanie that they were inching closer to reunification, it’s that he was in denial that they were even close to being at that stage.

Melanie had called just after dinner to let them know that they would like to do one more supervised visit, and provided that went well, move on to unsupervised visits for an hour at a time. Justin took it in stride, composing himself enough to express that he was happy things seemed to be going well and they were at this stage, and then deflated when he hung up his phone, relaying the message to Jess before she disappeared upstairs to start the bedtime routine with Willow.

When she returned, she smiled when she found Justin pouring them both mugs of tea, collapsing on the sofa and flipping through the channels to find something to watch.

“Okay, so we knew this day would come. It’s just a little earlier than we thought it was going to be,” she reasons, trying to see the positives. “It’s a good thing if we think about it, it means that their dad is doing well enough to even be thinking about reuniting them.”

Justin shrugs, sinking back and wrapping his hands around the mug, pulling it closer. “We’ve had them here for so long, I can’t even begin to think about what life will be like without them here.”

Resting her head on his shoulder, Jess nods. “It’s not like I want them to go, either, but I think we need to be realistic with the fact that we are closer than ever to having them placed back in their dad’s care,” she says. “You’re the one who said it only makes it worse to get attached. And I know this is different, they’ve been with us for months and they’re part of our family, but we always knew this wasn’t permanent. It’s not like this is being ripped out from under our feet as a surprise.”

“No, I guess not,” Justin relents. “I always tell my clients to not get into the mindset that it’ll be permanent, but now that we’re on this side of it I see how it’s hard not to feel like that,” he shrugs.

“How long do you think we have with them? Think realistically,” she says quietly, lifting her head just long enough to take a sip of her tea. “Are we talking weeks?”

Justin shakes his head. “Months, probably. Definitely not weeks,” he says, relaxing only slightly. “We still have to get through the last supervised visit, and then he’ll get quite a few unsupervised visits to make sure everything is okay before they go back to his care.”

Leaning forward, Jess sets her tea on the coffee table, resting her hand on her bump as she rests her head back on his shoulder. “Then we take it one day at a time, and we don’t think too far ahead. And when we do have to think about letting them go, we remind ourselves that this is a good thing, and hopefully the relationship doesn’t have to end.”

Pressing his cheek to the top of Jess’ head, Justin wills himself to have the same positivity she’s managed to find, hoping that this transition goes as easy as possible for all of them.

Chapter Text

From the time Jess announced she was pregnant, Justin dove into books about pregnancy and how to support your partner through the process, ignoring the teasing from Jess as he argued that he wanted to be as prepared as possible.

She had read a few books, watched more videos and read message boards more than she’d care to admit, and now that they’re inching closer to the due date, she’d found parenting and birthing classes for her and Justin to attend together to prepare for the huge change they were about to experience.

“Are you absolutely sure this is how you want to spend an hour and a half every week for the next four weeks?” Justin asks, an amused smile on his face as he finishes the vegetables for dinner. “You spend all day being a badass lawyer and in court, and then we’re going to go to these classes?”

Jess spends time dishing out the rest of dinner, hiding her smile. “We have to,” she argues. “I know we have Carter and Willow, and we’ve taken care of Hudson when he was a newborn, but we always gave him back, and Carter and Willow are so far from being newborns. Besides, I didn’t give birth to any of them. I want to be as prepared as possible.”

Justin turns the burner off, reaching for a bowl. “Okay, okay, I see your argument and I am one hundred percent on board with taking these classes, and I think Carter and Willow are more than capable of spending a few hours here alone while we go, as long as Carter is okay with watching Willow for a little while once a week.”

Relieved, Jess breaks out into a smile and nods. “Thank you,” she says, leaning forward to hug him. “I know it’s not necessarily your thing, but I want to be as prepared as possible for this.”

Nodding, Justin pulls back enough to kiss the side of her head. “We’re going to be the most prepared parents that the labor and delivery ward has ever seen,” he teases, smiling as Jess laughs and rests her head against his chest.

--

Stretching out in the lounge chair in Clay’s backyard, Justin tips his head back and stares at the sky.

“How long was Naomi in labor?” he asks, reaching for Clay’s outstretched hand as he offers him lemonade.

Clay looks at him strangely for a moment, and then shrugs. “About ten hours, I think?” he says. “Why are you asking?”

Justin readjusts so he can sit up, sighing. “We’re getting closer to the due date, and it seems like Carter and Willow are going to be with us, which means I have to figure out what we’re going to do for them. I don’t want to ask Carter to take care of Willow for so long, let alone leaving them by themselves is out of the question.”

Sitting down in the lounge chair beside his brother, Clay shrugs. “I’ll stay with them when Jess goes into labor,” he offers, taking a sip of his lemonade. “I can either hang out at your place, or you can bring them here. We have room, and Willow and Hudson would probably like to hang out.”

Justin turns, leaning up. “I wasn’t telling you this trying to get you to offer to watch them,” he says. “But are you sure? It could be a while, and I don’t want to pull you away from anything if you have things to do.”

Clay bites back a smile. “It is going to be a while, Justin,” he smirks, laughing. “And I don’t mind taking them. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, I know,” Justin smiles. “I’d do the same for you if you needed it.”

“I know,” Clay smiles. “And eventually we’ll take you up on that.”

Justin raises his eyebrows. “Wait, are you guys thinking of having another?”

“I mean yeah, eventually,” Clay says, shifting in his chair. “We haven’t talked about it at length, but we’ve tossed it around. Naomi has siblings, and even though I liked being an only child, I like having a brother more. We want Hudson to have the same experience.”

Smiling, Justin turns back to look up at the sky. “Sorry, I stopped listening when you admitted that you like having a brother more than you liked being an only child.”

“Oh, shut up,” Clay groans, rolling his eyes. “You hang onto the dumbest things. You know I love having you as a brother, we’re not making this a big deal all over again.”

Justin smiles, shaking his head. “I feel the same way you do, for what it’s worth,” he admits, closing his eyes as the sun moves from behind the clouds. “And I hope you give Hudson a sibling sooner than we got siblings.”

Beside him, Clay laughs. “You don’t have to worry about that. Hudson will have siblings long before either of us did,” he reassures him, the two catching up on each other’s lives as the sun disappears behind the trees.

--

“Clay doesn’t have to come stay with us when Jess goes into labor,” Carter argues on the car ride home after Justin filled him in on where he’d been. “I can take care of Willow, it’s not like I haven’t done it before.”

“I know you have,” Justin nods, reaching to turn down the radio. “But Carter, we don’t know how long Jess will be in labor, and you shouldn’t be responsible for your six year old sister for an extended period of time.”

Carter shrugs. “It just seems silly that you’d ask Clay to come stay with us if I’m right here and I’ve taken care of her for a long time before.”

Sighing, Justin glances at Carter before back to the road. “Clay is more than happy to stay with you guys, and he’s pretty cool most of the time,” he offers, relaxing when Carter relaxes. “It’s not like he won’t let you go hang out with your friends. He’s mostly there for Willow so the responsibility won’t be on you. If you’d rather, I can ask Matt and Lainie if they can come hang out.”

Shifting, Carter sighs. “No, it’s okay. Clay is more than fine, and he is pretty cool.”

Justin smiles. “Don’t tell him that. It goes right to his head,” he laughs, handing Carter a cord to plug his phone in for the rest of the ride home.

--

Walking into the last supervised visit with Carter and Willow on either side of him, Justin finds himself conflicted in how he feels with this progression.

He knows this is a big step, and a great one at that. It’s not that he was naive to think this day wouldn’t come for them, it was more that now that he knew exactly what had transpired over the last year, he feared that maybe they were moving too quickly into the next step of unsupervised visits once a week.

He trusts Melanie, but he’s so far past welcoming Carter and Willow as part of their family that the thought of putting them in harm’s way if their dad wasn’t ready made him sick to his stomach.

It reminded him of his childhood when he’d be placed back with his mother before she was ready or should’ve ever been given custody back in the first place. How he remained silent, never spoke horribly about their mother, and understood his fate that the system would never remove him from the dangers that his own home posed.

Justin is broken out of his train of thought when Willow wriggles her hand free from his grasp, running over to where Mark had been sitting in the family room waiting for them.

“Will you be in your office while we’re here?” Carter asks, caught halfway between going to say hi to Mark and the doorway where Justin has been standing.

“Yes,” Justin smiles, refocusing his train of thought. “Have a good time, come get me if you need me.”

Nodding, Carter returns a half smile to Justin before turning back to where Mark is preoccupied with Willow showing him her drawings, walking to join them.

--

“Is it appropriate to be playing music as loud as you are in a corporate office that’s literally hosting supervised visitations?” Jess asks when she opens the door to Justin’s office, laughing when he scrambles to turn it down quickly. “I’m here a little early, but I figured I’d come check on you. How were they when you dropped them off?”

Setting his pen down, Justin scrubs his hand over his face. “They were fine. Willow was excited to see him, but I think Carter is a little more nervous,” he says. “He asked me if I’d be in my office while they were there.”

Jess lowers herself into the chair, sighing. “Do you think he’s worried about the unsupervised visits?”

Justin shrugs. “Maybe? But he’s been so open about his feelings seeing him in the first place, don’t you think he’d tell us if he was worried about unsupervised visits?”

“I guess there’s a chance he could be honest with us,” Jess sighs. “But would you have told someone if you didn’t think you were ready to be with your mom alone again?”

Justin’s head falls as his shoulders slump. “No, probably not,” he admits, reaching for his water bottle. “But I hope Carter feels safer than I ever did if he wants to talk about how he feels.”

“I hope he feels that way, too,” Jess agrees. “But we have to be realistic here. There’s a chance that Carter will not tell us how he really feels about this, and we can’t force him to talk. All we can do is trust that Melanie is making the right decisions for this moment in time, and we’ll go with it and make sure that both Carter and Willow know they can talk to us about anything, but especially about how they’re feeling as we keep moving forward.”

Nodding, Justin leans back in his chair. “I guess we’ll keep things how they have been,” he agrees, glancing at his watch. “You want to walk down there? They should only be a few more minutes.”

Nodding, Jess stands and walks around the desk to kiss Justin, resting her head against his shoulder. “I love you,” she smiles, kissing him again before disappearing out of his office, shutting the door behind her.

Justin waits for them to stop by again, eager to hear how their final supervised visitation went, but instead his phone vibrates across his desk with a text from Jess.

I accidentally spilled that the baby was craving a milkshake, and they both agreed we should go get one. Carter said he’d talk to you at home tonight :) they both seem happy, I think it went okay! We love you :)

He sends back the eye-rolling emoji and a heart in response, returning to his pile of work with a smile on his face and an ease in his chest.

--

Matt and Lainie are finishing dinner when Justin walks in the back door, partly exhausted and partly anxious. He texted Jess to let her know he’d be a little late but would definitely be home for dinner, and then texted Lainie to make sure it was okay that he stopped by.

Lainie reminded him that he’s always welcome to stop by unannounced, saying how she’s looking forward to seeing him.

“I’m just going to ramble, and I think I just need someone to hear me out,” he says, collapsing into his chair at the kitchen table. Matt and Lainie nod, continuing to work on dinner. “I’m worried about how close we are to the due date and I feel like it’s wrong that we’re not trusting Carter to just stay with Willow while we’re at the hospital, even though I know it’s unrealistic that he could stay with her that long. I just don’t want him to feel like we don’t trust him.”

Pausing to take a breath, Justin reaches for the water Matt set in front of him. “And then we’re stopping the supervised visits and moving to unsupervised visits, and obviously I see this happen all the time, but I’m worried that it’s moving too fast and if Carter and Willow don’t feel comfortable they won’t tell us that.”

Lainie raises her eyebrows, drying her hands on a dish towel and returns to sit back at the table. “Well, that’s certainly enough to make anyone feel a little crazy,” she says with a smile, setting the towel on the table. “Let’s break it down. Where do you want to start first?”

Sighing, Justin shrugs. “The baby coming.”

Nodding, Lainie smiles. “You’re doing the right thing not leaving Carter to take care of Willow,” she reassures him. “Even if Jess has the quickest labor and you’d just be gone a few hours, it’s not fair to Carter to have to pause his plans unexpectedly to take care of his sister.”

“He says he could do it, which is why I think he’s upset that we’re having Clay come over instead.”

“He’ll appreciate that Clay is there on that day,” Matt reassures him with a smile. “He just wants to show you guys that he can handle it because he doesn’t want you guys or Clay to be put out by needing to come over at the last minute.”

Justin sighs, sinking back in the chair. “Yeah, I know. It’s just all coming so fast and we have actual plans that I’m just worried maybe we’re handling it all wrong.”

“There’s no way you could be handling this all wrong,” Lainie says. “There’s no right or wrong way to do this. You and Jess are preparing as best you can, Carter and Willow are going to be taken care of, and that’s all that matters. And we’re here if anything happens or if you need more help. You know you can always call and ask, right?”

Smiling, Justin nods. “Yeah, I know.”

“Okay, good,” Lainie smiles, reaching out to rub his arm. “Let’s talk about the unsupervised visits. What’s worrying you about it?”

Tipping his head back, Justin groans. “I don’t even know. I’ve been doing this for years, I know this is the process and it’s a really good thing that their supervisor and their dad’s therapists and counselors all agree unsupervised visits are the next step, but I can’t help but worry that maybe Carter and Willow don’t feel the same way, and they want more time with supervised visits.”

“Is there a reason why you think they might not be ready?” Matt asks.

“With Willow, no. She loves seeing her dad and hanging out with him, and I don’t think she’s as traumatized by their past since it sounds like Carter spent most of the time protecting her so she wouldn’t know how bad it was,” Justin says. “With Carter, a little bit. He’s been open about how he feels about things before, but sometimes he lets his emotions run on how Willow is doing. I’m worried that he’ll see how excited she is and not tell us if he thinks they need more time supervised.”

Matt and Lainie share a glance. “Why do you think he’d stop telling you all of a sudden?”

Justin twists uncomfortably staring at the table. “Because I know if my foster situation had been normal like his is, I wouldn’t have told you guys that I felt uncomfortable having unsupervised visits with my mom if I ever felt that way.”

“Justin,” Lainie says quietly, reaching out to rest her hand on his arm. “Is there a reason why you wouldn’t have told us?”

Justin flinches, shaking his head. He remembers those uncertain days in high school so vividly, and he’d be lying if he said he hadn’t thought about what it would’ve been like if he’d been fostered even a few years earlier. “I would’ve known that having unsupervised visits with my mom would mean being closer to being back in her care and out of yours, and then you guys wouldn’t have to worry about me when you didn’t ask for it in the first place. It would’ve taken the burden off of you guys.”

There's a brief pause, and Justin shakes his head roughly, squeezing his eyes shut. “I know you guys didn’t think like that, I promise I do, but I didn’t just forget what it feels like to think you’re imposing on someone else’s life, or uprooting their entire family just to accommodate you. I don’t want either of them to feel like they can’t speak up if they feel like it’s going too fast and they need more time.”

Lainie’s face softens as she moves her chair closer. “Honey, while we know that it wasn’t always easy to be with us, especially in the beginning, and we’re glad to know that you understand we never once saw you as an imposition in our lives, I wish there was a way we could have helped made it easier for you,” she says, struggling to find the words. “What would have helped you more when you were still in our care temporarily?”

Chewing on his lip, Justin shakes his head. “Nothing else would’ve helped me,” he says. “You always asked if I was okay, if there was anything I wanted to talk about. You gave me the place to say that I was uncomfortable or something was bothering me. You made it easier for me when I needed it, even if I didn’t ask. I couldn’t have asked for anything more.”

“Then use that with Carter,” Matt says gently, his voice impossibly calm. “Remind him over and over until you feel like you’ve said it too many times that you want to make this easier for him, and you want him to talk about anything he wants to talk about. And then watch him. Use what you’ve learned about his mannerisms and guide your conversations based on how you think he’s feeling. That’s all you can do, okay?”

“Okay,” Justin nods. He rubs his face, sitting up straighter. “Yeah, okay,” he repeats. “I better get home to them. Talk to Carter, make sure he’s okay. Jess took them for ice cream after the visit, so I didn’t get to see them.”

Lainie smiles, standing up and kissing his cheek. “Everything will be okay. Call if you need us, okay?” she says, brushing her thumb across his cheek. “We love you.”

“I love you guys, too,” he replies, hugging them both before making it home as quickly as possible.

--

Justin is surprised to walk through the backyard and find Carter sitting on the back steps bouncing a tennis ball on the step between his legs, a piece of gravel ricocheting into the grass. He doesn’t notice Justin at first, too engrossed in whatever challenge he’s given himself while waiting, but Justin clears his throat and smiles when Carter looks up at him, startled.

Carter catches the ball in his hand, leaning back. “Jess told me you were on your way home, and she and Willow are finishing making dinner,” he explains quickly. “Can we talk now, or should we wait for Willow to be in bed?”

Walking across the patio, Justin pulls up a lounge chair and sits across from Carter. “We can talk now,” he smiles easily. “What’s on your mind, kid? Where do you want to start?” he asks, finding amusement in him acting like Matt and Lainie when he felt a lot more like Carter does currently just a few minutes before.

“I think the therapy my dad is in is working,” he starts, twisting the tennis ball between his hands. “I know it’ll be different when we’re alone, but he’s been so much happier, and when he gets frustrated or angry, he doesn’t lash out. He like takes this step back and gathers himself, but he doesn’t freak out like he did before all of this happened.”

Justin nods, setting his bag down beside him. “Okay, so how do you feel about it?” he asks evenly. “It’s a big change, so what are your thoughts?”

Carter’s caught off guard by the question, blinking in bewilderment before shaking his head. “It’s a good thing, and I’m glad he’s actually doing the work to be a better dad and deal with raising us better than he has been,” he explains after a minute. “I didn’t think I’d ever see him be a better dad.”

Justin smiles. “So you agree that the unsupervised visits are the best next step then?” Justin asks carefully, not wanting to plant a seed of doubt in Carter’s mind.

Carter thinks it over for a minute. “I think he’s earned the opportunity to have us unsupervised,” he says after a minute. “But I’m still scared that we’ll be alone and he’ll be set off and forget everything he’s learned.”

“It’s normal to be scared that something like that will happen,” Justin reassures him. “Is there a specific reason why you think that could happen?”

“Not really,” Carter shrugs. “I guess I just worry because he told me so many times that he was going to change, and then he never did. And now that Willow is older, she understands more, and she’ll have more questions or be scared more than she is now. All I want is for her to feel safe and to be able to be back with our dad like she wants, but I don’t know if both are realistic.”

Justin sits up straighter. “That goal is exactly what we’re working towards, Carter,” Justin says. “You should not be back with your dad until that goal of having Willow feel safe at all times with him is a reality. You will stay with Jess and I until that is normal, but this means that you need to be completely honest and tell us how you think the visits went. You can’t just say it was fine because you know Willow enjoyed herself. Even if that means being honest later with just Jess and I and lying in front of Willow.”

“I know,” Carter nods, dropping his head. “I’ll be honest, I promise.”

“That’s all we ask,” Justin says quietly. He lets a moment of silence pass between the two of them before asking the question that had been on his mind since he first read through their CPS file. “Carter, was your dad hitting or hurting you happening before CPS stepped in last year?”

Carter averts his eyes away from Justin’s concerned stare. “A few times, yeah,” he says, waving his hand dismissively. “But it was all minor. Bruises, a few cuts. Mostly I was just sore when it would happen. Willow had no idea, and I wasn’t about to tell someone where I got the injuries and risk either being split up from Willow, our dad losing custody just after our mom left, or nothing happening and my dad just getting worse.”

In one swoop, Justin’s heart shatters. He can feel the breath constrict in his chest, his sternum caving in at the thought of this going on longer than they could’ve imagined. “First of all, I am so sorry that no one stepped in sooner than they did, even if you didn’t necessarily want it,” Justin begins, moving his chair closer. “Carter, are you worried that you going back to your dad means this may happen again?”

Carter pulls his bottom lip between his teeth, shrugging. “I don’t think so,” he says after a minute. “I really do think he’s changed, and I don’t think he’d be that bad again.”

“Okay,” Justin says, willing himself to believe that Carter told him the truth. “But if this happens again, if he lays a hand on you, you need to tell an adult. I wish I had the courage to speak up and tell someone that my mother was not a good mother, and I want better for you, but that means you need to help make sure that’s a reality. This is going to fall into yours and Willow’s hands, and it can’t get as bad as it did this time.”

Carter looks up, nodding slowly. “I know,” he promises. He waits a minute, picking at the fraying of the tennis ball, and sighs. “When we’re back with our dad, are we still going to be able to talk to you guys? Like how does this work?”

Leaning back in the chair, Justin smiles. “We’re still a little ways away from this, but your dad will have to sign off saying that he’s okay with us keeping in contact. Assuming that he does, you are free to contact us as much as you want, whenever you feel like you need it,” he explains. “And I want you to know that Jess and I will always have our doors open for you and Willow whenever you need it. You don’t even have to tell us you’re coming, you’re more than welcome to just stop by.”

Carter raises his eyebrows. “Really?”

“Really,” he nods. “Even if that means Willow wants to come over just to see the baby.”

Carter laughs, shaking his head. “She’ll definitely ask to do that,” he says with a smile. “Can I ask my dad to allow us to still see you guys?”

Justin hides his smile. “You can certainly ask him, but maybe don’t beg or keep bringing it up. And we have time, you still have a little bit left of living with us assuming this goes well.”

“Okay,” Carter nods. “I will ask him to sign that paper, though. I don’t want you guys out of our lives.”

Justin nods, smiling. “I don’t want you guys out of ours, either,” he says. “I hope he signs it, but it’s out of our control, kid. We just have to trust it’ll be okay.”

“Okay,” he nods. “We should probably go in before they eat dinner without us,” he smiles.

Justin stands, returning the chair back to the table. “You’re right, they would do that. Come on, let’s go,” he says, ushering him back up the steps.

Carter stops with his hand resting on the door handle, looking back at Justin. “Thanks for always letting me talk through things. You really are a good foster dad, and you’re going to be a really good real dad.”

He opens the door and walks inside before Justin says anything in reply, leaving him standing on the top step with the warmth spreading through his chest at the compliment he received from the teenager who had never been so quick to give one.

--

Since finding out that they were expecting a girl, Jess and Justin had started a list of possible names on the whiteboard hanging on the fridge. Willow would excitedly add names, perching up on her tiptoes to grab the whiteboard and carefully slot in name suggestions in her scribbly handwriting whenever they came to mind.

It had been a while since they sat down and talked through the names that had been added to the list, but with some free time before the bedtime routine started, Jess finished cleaning up from dinner and grabbed the whiteboard, walking back over to the table.

“We should probably start narrowing down our list a little bit,” Jess says with a smile, setting it out in front of all of them. She looks through, erasing a few names she had written, and looks around the table. “Are there any names we can remove from what’s on here right now?”

Justin spins the whiteboard towards him, looking through. “The only names I really don’t mind on there are Maeve, Penelope, and Willa,” he says. “I don’t want something too common, but nothing too out there either.”

“Willa sounds like Willow,” Carter says with a smile, leaning back in his chair. “I know that doesn’t really matter since we won’t be with you guys forever, but it might get confusing if we’re still here when the baby is here.”

Jess looks back to Justin, smiling. “He’s right. Willow and Willa are too close for me to feel like I won’t confuse them even after they’re back with their dad.”

“Okay, so Willa comes off,” Justin smiles, looking back at the list. “Keep Poppy, Sienna, Violet. Wills, do you have any other names you want to add?”

Willow leans up on her knees, elbows pressed against the table as she thinks the question over. “What about Pippa?” she asks, looking up at Jess. “Like that book we read at night sometimes! The one that I said I was going to give the baby.”

“Pippa’s Night Parade?” Jess asks, smiling. “I do like that name, Wills. Let’s add it,” she says, writing down the name at the bottom of the list.

Willow smiles excitedly as Jess writes down the name, the four of them laughing at some of the wildly unique names that appear when they search for more suggestions.

--

“You know, I do actually like Pippa as a name, but more as a nickname,” Jess says that night, rearranging her pillows on her side of the bed. “What do you think about the name Penelope?”

Justin emerges from the bathroom, shrugging. “I think it should stay in our top three. It’s cute, and then maybe we use Pippa as a nickname? Or is that like, not related at all?”

“I think it’s related,” Jess smiles. “It’d be cute, at least. I agree though, I think it should stay in our top three.”

Climbing onto his side of the bed, Justin leans over to kiss her. “I don’t want to for sure pick a name until we see her. I feel like if we commit to one now we’ll probably want to change our minds.”

Jess agrees, turning on her side. “So we make a top three and go from there, but we definitely won’t pick a name until we meet her,” she says, a smile passing over her face. “It’s not that much longer.”

“I know,” Justin whispers, the excitement stirring up inside him. “I can’t wait to hold her.”

“Me either,” Jess agrees, reaching out to rest her hand on Justin’s arm, falling asleep and dreaming about the day they’d finally get to meet their little girl after what felt like years of waiting.

Chapter Text

Sitting back at Liberty for parent teacher conferences makes Justin feel like a student again. Liberty hadn’t been easy for him and Jess, and if he had the chance, he isn’t sure he’d do it over again, too afraid of the outcome somehow turning out worse. But, he met his wife and his friend group and even his brother in these halls, and he can at least find the happiness in that, even if the rest of his experience was tainted in ways no kid should ever have to go through.

Jess, on the other hand, had been dreading Carter’s parent teacher conference. She really held Liberty with no sentimental value, often reminding Justin that the best things that had happened to them happened when they were in college, but she always understood why he viewed Liberty in such an idyllic way. It was where he gained a stable family, got clean, and began to turn his life around, and even if she couldn’t necessarily see the positives to take away from high school, she would always be grateful for what it gave Justin and the friend group it gave both of them.

“I have to say, we’ve really seen a dramatic turnaround in Carter over the last few months,” Ms. James, the guidance counselor, says with a smile. “His grades have continued to rise, he’s been participating in class more often, and he seems happier than he did in years prior. It’s been such a bright spot for all of us to see Carter really thriving these last few months.”

Jess smiles, resting her bag on her lap. “We’ve been working hard with him on homework and helping with study habits, but it’s reassuring to hear that he’s been applying that in class and his grades are reflecting that.”

Ms. James rests her hands on her desk. “Carter has always been a great kid,” she says, voice calm and reassuring. “A great athlete, someone who’s been known to stand up for all kids when they need it, regardless of if they’re friends or not. But with the stability you’ve given him, he’s flourishing. All of his teachers have noted that he seems happier, that his work reflects his improved home situation. I felt it was important that you both knew that, regardless of how long he’s with you in the future. You’ve really helped shape him to be an even more outstanding kid than he already was, and we all believe that these new habits are things that will stick around, even if his home life changes again.”

Reassured by Carter’s progress and goals they can work towards in the future, Justin thanks Ms. James, standing and reaching back for Jess’ hand when they’re in the hallway. “I know you just want to go home, but can we stop and see Kerba real quick before we go? It’ll just be a few minutes, I promise.”

Unable to hide her smile, Jess rolls her eyes and nods. “Yeah, sure,” she agrees, walking down the long hallways towards the gym, where they find Kerba sitting in his office, a beaming smile spreading across his face when he sees the two of them walk in.

“I’d heard rumors that you were hanging out around here tonight,” he says, standing up from his desk and hugging Justin before doing the same to Jess. “Which really just means Zach told me you guys were coming up here for a conference with Carter’s guidance counselor. How did it go?”

“Good. Really good, actually,” Justin nods, biting back a smile. “He’s doing great in school, and from what I’ve seen and heard from Zach, apparently there’s an opportunity for a future in football?”

Kerba leans back against his desk, crossing his arms over his chest and nodding. “I know we used to say you guys had potential and all of you could’ve had scholarships if you wanted, but there’s something special about Carter, Justin. It just seems to come naturally to him. He doesn’t have to put in much effort to be miles above some of these kids.”

Jess sits down in the chairs, looking up at Kerba. “So where do we go from here?” she asks, voice calm and even. “Obviously he’s not going to be with us forever, but is there something we could be doing now to help him apply for scholarships or get noticed by scouts? At least get him a head start before his home life changes again?”

Kerba walks back around his desk, opening up a filing cabinet and pulling out a DVD. “We made this video of his highlights,” he says, handing Justin the envelope with the DVD inside. “He’s been working with Zach in the break between school and practice, and Zach said you’ve had him working with Luke to help with some of his skills?”

Justin nods, leaning back against the wall. “I was going to ask Luke to work with him more now that we know he’s really serious, and then ask Charlie to talk with him about scholarships and playing in college,” he offers. “If he’s really serious about all of this, I figured the least I could do was let him work with those guys since they actually played in college.”

“I think that’s the logical next step,” Kerba agrees. “He’s a junior, so we have some time. There’s been some interest thrown around from college scouts, but taking these next few months to work on his skills before we reach out to those scouts with questions is probably the best step.”

“That’s how we’ll go about it then,” Justin nods. “Can you just like, text me if you think there’s anything specific we should be focusing on, or if you need something from us? He’ll be with us for at least a little while longer, but we’re hoping to keep the relationship open so we can help him through the whole process as much as he needs and wants.”

Nodding, Kerba looks between them both. “If for whatever reason you can’t keep the relationship open, Zach is heavily invested in helping him make sure he has everything he needs to take his career to the next step if that’s something he wants. He doesn’t just get left alone after this.”

“Why is Zach super invested in Carter’s career?” Jess asks. “Not that we’re not grateful, because we definitely are, but I know that he doesn’t usually get this involved unless the player reaches out and asks, right?”

“Normally, yes,” Kerba nods with a smile. “But I think Carter reminds Zach of a former teammate of his, and he wants to do better by him than he did for that kid.”

Justin doesn’t need Kerba to spell out that he’s talking about him, but his smile makes Justin blush and duck his head, a smile appearing on his own face. “Well, I hope he knows I appreciate it.”

“He knows,” Kerba reassures him, wishing them both well on their way out.

--

Parent teacher conferences for the younger kids meant half days of school and a scheduling adjustment for Jess and Justin, who were alternating taking the afternoons off to be home with Willow for the week.

After spending their first afternoon watching movies and eating more snacks than Justin had ever been afforded as a child, Jess had gently nudged Justin in the direction of maybe doing a craft with her for the afternoon instead to make sure she doesn’t have quite as much screen time as she did the first day.

Which is how Justin finds himself standing in the aisle of the craft store feeling overwhelmed while Willow bounces excitedly at his side, reaching out to look at the options for crafts that they could do together for her dad.

“He likes cars,” she says, reaching out to the small figurines to paint and put together. “Could we make him this?”

Justin looks down at her with a smile. “If that’s what you want to make for him, then sure,” he replies, reaching to take it from her outstretched hand. “Let’s go look at the paint colors and pick a few out,” he suggests, taking her hand with his other hand.

Picking paint seems to take an eternity, Willow going back and forth between all of the options. “What’s his favorite color, Wills?” he asks in an attempt to guide her to making a decision, bending down to her level. “Are any of these colors he would like?”

Willow leans back against Justin’s chest, sighing. “He likes red,” she says quietly, reaching forward to hold the small container of red paint in her hand. “But he likes black cars.”

“Maybe we paint the car both colors then. Maybe some of it is black, and then some of it is red,” Justin offers. “Do you think that would look cool?”

Willow contemplates it, back pressed against Justin’s chest, and then nods. “Yeah, that would look really cool!” she exclaims, turning back to rest her hand on Justin’s cheek. “Can we go buy this and then go home and paint? I really want to do this today.”

Laughing, Justin kisses the side of her head and stands, juggling the paint in his hands along with the car while reaching out for her hand. “Come on, kid. Let’s go buy the paints and go home.”

--

Protecting Willow’s clothes with one of his old ratty t-shirts he’d stashed in the back of his closet, Justin spreads out newspaper along the kitchen table before putting out the paintbrushes and the model car they were going to build and paint as Willow bounced beside him excitedly.

“Can you pull my hair up like Jess does?” she asks, pushing it away from her face. “I don’t want it to get in the way.”

Nodding, Justin takes the hair tie from her hand and stands behind her, managing to tie a sloppy bun on the top of her head. “Turn around so I can take a picture and show Jess.”

Jess replies back minutes later with the crying laughing emoji. Definitely need some work on the bun, but she looks cute! I appreciate the effort that is going into the afternoon of no screen time. I love you both!

“I’m going to paint this part black and then this part red,” Willow says, looking up at Justin. “Will you stay here in case I need help?”

“Of course,” Justin nods, opening both paint jars and sitting down beside Willow, smoothing out the newspaper. “I’ll help you put the car together once it dries, too. But I think you’ll be able to paint this by yourself.”

Willow nods, her tongue poking out of the side of her mouth as she works to paint the red along one side of the car. Justin watches her, finding himself smiling at the scene in front of him. He tries not to think about the fact that these moments may be dwindling down with Willow, and instead thinks about what life will be like when his own daughter is Willow’s age, and those rainy, fall afternoons are filled with crafts identical to the one they’re doing now.

He can’t help but think about the art projects she’d make specifically for him and bring home, or the projects they would do together. He thinks about things he didn’t get to do as a child - paint pictures freely, be creative, even just make a mess in their apartment - and he wants to make sure his kids never have that feeling.

The smile on Willow’s face shows him that he’s at least heading in the right direction, even when sometimes it feels like he’s doing things wrong. “It’s so red,” she giggles, looking over at him with a bright smile, and Justin laughs.

“It’s very red. Do you still like it?” he asks, watching her smudge her hand against the newspaper to get the paint off.

“I love it,” she decides with a beaming smile, leaning back. “Do you think my dad will like it?”

Hesitating, Justin smiles. “I think he’s going to love it. I think he’d love anything you make.”

Willow scrunches her nose. “He wouldn’t,” she mumbles, dragging the paintbrush along the wood. “One time I brought home a picture of all of us and he threw it in the trash.”

Justin frowns, hesitating for a moment. “Well,” he begins, but it feels wrong and he’s grateful that Willow seems to be distracted enough by her creation to give him a moment to collect himself. “There’s no way he won’t love this, Wills. It’s a car and his two favorite colors. What could he not love?”

Willow shrugs, biting back a smile. “You’re right,” she nods, dipping the paintbrush back into the red jar. “He’ll love it.”

Justin smiles, unscrewing the black paint and walking over to the kitchen sink, filling a glass for them to wipe off the paintbrush when they're ready.

--

When Jess arrives home, there’s a decently constructed model car sitting on newspaper on the kitchen table, and Willow runs to greet her, resting her chin gently against Jess’ bump.

“Wait until you see it, Jess! Justin helped me make it, but I painted it by myself!” she says, bouncing excitedly in front of Jess as she takes her hand and leads her over to the table.

“Wow, Wills. You guys did this this afternoon?” she asks, sitting down at the table and gently bringing the car closer. “It looks really good babe.”

Willow smiles, leaning over and tapping her fingers against the newspaper. “I’m going to give it to my dad when we see him this week. Justin said that he will love it,” she says, speaking quickly. “My dad’s favorite color is red and he loves cars.”

“Then I don’t know how he couldn’t love this, babe,” Jess reassures her, leaning over to kiss the side of her head. “Let’s move it carefully to the kitchen counter so we can eat dinner and it doesn’t get ruined. Sound good?”

“Uh huh,” Willow nods, sliding off the chair and taking a step back as Jess walks past, carefully setting the car on the counter to finish drying and setting up.

“Go get Carter and tell him it’s time for dinner. Be nice, okay? I think he’s working on a big homework project,” Justin says, nudging Willow in the direction of the stairs before turning to Jess, a smile on his face. “Was this sufficient enough to replace the amount of screen time she had the other day?” he asks, leaning forward to kiss her before turning the burner off.

“This was perfect,” Jess agrees, turning to grab plates from the cabinet. “How do you feel about her giving this to her dad?”

Sighing, Justin shrugs. “Kids bring gifts to visitation for their parents all the time. Just because she’s our foster kid doesn’t mean she shouldn’t be able to do something like that,” he says. “She was pretty excited about making it, but she did say that one time he threw out a painting she made for him, so she wasn’t sure if he would like this.”

Frowning, Jess helps place the food onto the dishes. “I guess we just have to hope that this program has helped him understand the importance of appreciating what she makes for him,” she says, the optimism thick through her voice. “He’s had time in this program to work on being a dad. Hopefully that includes this.”

Choosing to believe that Jess’ optimism was correct this time, Justin nods and helps her set the table, grateful for the distraction of the kids bickering on their way down to dinner.

--

As the sun stretches high over the horizon and beats down against the turf of the football field, Justin stands off to the side and watches intently as Carter runs drills with Luke, who tosses the ball effortlessly.

When Justin had reached out to Luke about working with Carter on a regular basis to iron out his skills, he was met with a text asking what took him so long and that he’s more than willing to work with Carter for as long as he needs, followed by Luke sharing his calendar, much to Justin’s amusement.

“Your form is really great, but when you’re reaching for those throws that are a little high, make sure to get back down to the ground as tucked as possible. You don’t want to leave your midsection exposed for too long, it’s an injury waiting to happen,” Luke explains, tucking a spare football under his arm while Carter takes a break to get a drink.

“I know Zach isn’t really one to exaggerate if a kid is good, but I almost think he underplayed the natural talent this kid has,” Luke says, leaning back towards Justin. “Of course you’d get a placement with an absolute football star for a foster kid. Did you manipulate the placement system at work?”

Justin laughs, shaking his head. “I definitely did not manipulate the placements. This was all a complete chance,” he promises. “But I was secretly grateful for it. It gave us something to talk about when he was first placed with us. Eased the tension a little bit.”

Luke nods. “You’re doing a really great thing, Justin,” he says, sincerity laced through his words. “I don’t think I could do half the things you and Jess have taken on, but you guys make it look so easy.”

“It’s definitely not easy,” Justin reassures him with a smile. “But it’s been the most rewarding thing we’ve ever done. I always knew I wanted to do this, but I’m glad we did it before we had biological kids. It’s made it really special to focus on them and what they need.”

Nodding, Luke nudges Justin’s shoulder. “It’s been great for you. You can see how much it means to you and Jess. I'm glad you’re both happy.”

He doesn’t give Justin a chance to reply before he jogs over to Carter and helps him with logistics, and as Justin digs his toe into the turf, kicking up the tiny black pebbles, he smiles to himself as he thinks about Luke’s comments.

--

Charlie smiles brightly across the table at the cafe in town, hands wrapped around his cup of water. “I’ve been looking forward to talking to you about this for a while. I’m glad we finally made it work,” he says. “Justin told me you've been thinking about playing football in college?”

Carter shrugs, spinning the napkin of cutlery on the table. “I’ve thought about it, but nothing too serious,” he says, looking up. “Justin said you played in college?”

Charlie does his best to contain his smile. “Yeah, I went to USC and played for their football team,” he says, laughing when Carter raises his eyebrows in surprise. “Most of the time I’m convinced it was pure luck that I got to go there and play on the football team, but I’m willing to give you any tips and help that I can to make sure we get you some offers.”

“Yeah, okay,” Carter nods, rubbing his hands together slowly. “I guess I’m just worried about the academic side of things. My grades are getting better, but they’re not great. Do I have to have both to get a scholarship?”

Charlie hesitates. “Yeah, probably,” he admits, deflating for a moment before recovering. “But schools will see that you’re making an effort and your grades are getting better, and that will go a long way to get recruiters and colleges believing that you’d be a good fit in the program.”

Carter nods. “When should I start applying for scholarships?”

“As soon as you apply to the schools,” Charlie answers easily. “Justin will be able to point you in the right direction, or if you’re back with your dad by then, the guidance counselors at school will be a big help. Even if you end up going on scholarship for football, it never hurts to have a backup.”

“Yeah, but how will I know if I get a scholarship for football?”

“They’ll either tell you they plan on putting you on scholarship when you’re going into committing, or you'll get it later. It’s really out of your hands after the recruitment process.”

Carter, who’s feeling a little bit like his head is spinning, manages to nod and thank Charlie quietly.

“I know it’s overwhelming and it feels like there’s so many things that are out of your hands or things you need to work on,” Charlie says, extending his hand forward. “Try breaking it down one step at a time, and never be afraid to ask any of us for help. Justin can give you my number, or Zach will be more than willing to help, too. We’re all here for you to answer any questions.”

Carter nods, thankful, and leans back in his chair. “I’ll figure it out. I really do appreciate all the help,” he says, looking between Charlie and Justin.

Justin nods, reaching over to squeeze Carter’s shoulder. “Charlie is the most level-headed of us all. I’ll give you his number and he’ll help you sort your thoughts out. He’s done it for me a million times.”

“I believe it,” Carter teases, the table laughing as Carter settles in and begins to relax for the first time since they sat down.

--

When Justin was younger, he’d spend afternoons at Bryce’s house eating name brand snacks and watching as Bryce would coerce one of the maids to toss the football around with them or help them pull everything out to have their own pick-up soccer games.

He remembers even back then, even through his turbulent home life and a place that didn’t feel like a family at all, how odd it felt. How he thought maybe Mr. Walker should’ve been the one tossing the football around with them at the end of a long day, or Mrs. Walker should’ve been the one bringing them snacks and watching them jump in and out of the pool for hours.

So when Willow intercepts him on the way back into the house after a long day at work, he finds himself ignoring the exhaustion and the desire to go in the house and change and instead sets his things down on the patio table, kicking the ball back to Willow.

“I asked Carter to play with me, but Jess said he had too much homework,” she sighs, resting her hands on her hips as she kicks the ball back to Justin with a smile.

“I have more than enough time to play with you, kiddo,” Justin reassures her. “Did you have a good day at school?”

“Uh huh,” she nods, running back to get the ball when it skips past her. “I finished my art project and my teacher said I could bring it home in a few days. It’s a new picture.”

“Oh yeah?” Justin asks, smiling as he steps forward to receive the ball. “I would love to see it. Is it for your dad?”

“No,” Willow says, shaking her head. She looks up at him, a toothy grin spreading across her face. “I drew it for you and Jess.”

Masking his surprise, Justin manages to smile. “Well, I can’t wait to hang it right up on the fridge,” he says, laughing when Willow trips over the ball and laughs at herself.

“Justin, can we stay here with you forever?” she asks quietly, kicking the ball as hard as she can.

Justin lets it ricochet off the fence and bounce back to him. “Wills, where is this coming from?” he asks, holding the ball beneath his foot. “I thought you wanted to go back and live with your dad.”

“I do,” Willow nods, walking closer to him. “But I’m gonna miss Jess and you when we leave.”

Bending down to her level, Justin lets Willow fall into his arms, holding her tight against his chest. “Even when you’re back with your dad, Jess and I will be there as much as we’re allowed to be,” he promises, rubbing a hand against her back. “Going back with your dad is a really good thing, Willow, but Jess and I are going to miss you and your brother, too. And as long as we’re allowed to keep being in your lives, we will be. Okay?”

Sniffling, Willow buries her head in the crook of his neck, nodding. “Okay,” she whispers, pulling herself closer. “I love you, Justin.”

“Love you, Wills,” Justin mumbles, pressing a kiss to her hair as he gently lifts her up and walks to sit in a chair, her weight pressed against him as he soaks in the slow afternoon, fearful of how everything is about to change and how it’s affecting all of them.

--

Through the French doors that overlook the garden, Carter can see Willow playing soccer by herself. He stares at her, watching, and then looks back at Jess when she stares at him with a knowing smile.

“She’s fine playing alone, Carter,” she says, sitting down at the table. “How’s the mock college essay going? I remember it being the worst thing to write, but you’ll feel better when it’s done.”

Sighing, Carter stretches his arms out in front of him. “It’s so hard to write. I know it’ll feel better when I’m done, but it feels like torture trying to get there.”

Laughing, Jess turns the laptop to take a look. “Carter, this is super well written. You just have to add a little bit more and wrap it up, and I bet you could just use this when you start applying to colleges next year.”

Shrugging, Carter hides the blush that’s creeping up on his face. He hesitates, watching Jess type something on her phone and mumble to herself about working on a brief first thing in the morning, and then decides to take a chance.

Because while Justin was helpful with sports and sorting out his home life, he had a feeling that Jess was better to talk about academics with, even if they don’t necessarily talk about anything deeper than surface level most times.

“Where did you go to college?” he asks, glancing at her as he pulls the laptop back in front of him.

“Berkeley,” she says with a smile, setting her phone down on the table and looking at him.

“Did you like it?” he asks, looking at her. “I mean, college in general. Was it… did it go better than high school?”

“A million times better,” she replies easily, omitting the fact that her high school experience was so far out of the ordinary. She looks at Carter, who seems nervous and anxious about talking about the future, and seizes the opportunity to continue the conversation and reach out and rest a hand on his arm. “I think you’re going to love wherever you go to college, Carter. A fresh start, some space and the chance to grow up a little bit without everything weighing on you.”

“I don’t want to leave Willow,” he says abruptly, turning back to stare at the laptop until the screen blurs in his vision. “I know this is supposed to make my dad a better dad and not be the way that he was before, but who’s to say how long that sticks around? And if I’m not there and something happens to Willow -”

“It won’t be your fault,” Jess says, cutting him off and rubbing her hand soothingly up his arm. Carter squeezes his eyes shut, taking a shaky breath. “I know you’re scared about Willow, and while I’m happy to hear that you’re optimistic about your dad getting better, it’s normal to worry that this isn’t going to be permanent, or that something will happen where your dad will change again.”

“Carter, you cannot put your life on hold to raise your little sister. You’ve given up so much of your childhood, it’s not fair to ask you to give up more and not get to have the college experience everyone else gets to have,” she says gently. “As long as Justin and I are allowed to keep in contact with you guys, we will make sure Willow is okay. You just focus on being a kid and applying wherever you want to apply. Let the adults worry about Willow.”

Chewing on his lip, Carter nods. “I really hope my dad lets us stay in contact,” he says, voice quiet. “I don’t… you’ve done so much, and I can’t imagine not being able to see you guys anymore.”

Wrapping her fingers around his hand, Jess moves closer. “I hope so, too,” she whispers, squeezing his hand gently. “But no matter what happens, just know that we love you and we’re always going to be here for you, even if we have to wait until you’re 18 to see you or talk to you.”

Nodding, Carter flips his hand over and squeezes back. “Thank you. For everything. I don’t… there’s no way I’ll ever be able to say how much this means. No one ever gave us this chance, no one ever cared to help us. But you and Justin, you’ve made me feel like there’s a chance this gets better.”

Reaching out, Jess brushes her fingers through his hair. “We are so happy to have the two of you, and we love you more than words can say. We will always help the two of you, okay?” she promises, watching him nod frantically. Pulling herself closer, she cups his cheek in her hand. “Always,” she whispers, soaking in the moment.

Chapter Text

“Alright, I need you to give me your brutal honest input and opinions on the newborn stage. We’re like, weeks out at this point and I am not ready.”

Flopping down onto Clay’s sofa, Justin ignores his brother’s eye rolls as he joins him, sitting down gently in a chair. “What do you want to know?” he asks. “It’s not like you weren’t around for Hudson’s first few months.”

Justin laughs, tipping his head back. “Yes, but I wasn’t his dad,” he reminds him. “Besides, if he cried for more than 30 seconds I just gave him back to you and Naomi.”

“I remember,” Clay replies easily with a smile, shaking his head. “I mean, I don’t know what to tell you that deep down you don’t already know. You’re going to learn to run on a few hours of sleep, you’ll be exhausted, but you’re going to love this kid more than you’ve ever loved anyone or anything in your life.”

Smiling, Justin stares up at the ceiling and shakes his head. “I can’t even imagine what it’s going to be like,” he says quietly, glancing at Clay. “My whole life I used to think it would be a miracle if I made it to be an adult. And then I found Jess, and I couldn’t imagine her ever wanting to spend the rest of her life with me. And now, I’m having a kid. If you would’ve asked me when we were 16 if I’d ever be a dad, I would’ve laughed.”

“I know,” Clay replies, a fond smile passing across his face as he looks at his brother. “Life was so different back then, Justin. You were lucky to be alive, and then you started doing more than just surviving. You’re so far from being that version of Justin, and I’m happy that you’re getting to live the life you wanted, even though it may not be what you ever said out loud.”

He waits, pausing for a moment, and then leans forward in his chair. “You deserve to have all the happiness in the world, Justin. You deserve to be the best foster dad to the kids you have and any others you have in the future. You deserve to have your own family with Jess, and to be the kind of parent you wish you had.”

“I watch you with Carter and Willow, and it comes so easy to you. You look so natural at parenting, you can tell how much you love it and those kids, and I’ve never been more sure that you’re going to be the best dad to your own little kid.”

Justin sucks in a breath, squeezing his eyes shut. “I’m scared I won’t be able to live up to the kind of parenting I got when I came to you guys,” he admits, voice impossibly quiet. “The bar is set so low to be better than my mom, but Matt and Lainie. They’re just… they’re the best, and I want my kids to have that kind of life.”

Clay stands, moving to sit next to Justin on the sofa. “First of all, you have to stop thinking that you’ll end up being parents like Mom and Dad are,” he says quietly. “You’re in your head about being a parent. I did the same thing. Mom and Dad make it look so easy, but you’re going to figure it out. You’re going to hold that little girl in your arms and feel this sense of protection, and all this worry you’re feeling right now will go away. You’re going to be an amazing dad, Justin, whether you live up to what you think you should be with Mom and Dad’s guidance or not.”

Justin laughs, reaching his hand out. “You’re a fucking amazing dad. I hope you know that,” he says to Clay, leaning up to look at his brother. “The way Hudson idolizes you, the way you always seem to know exactly what he needs and how to handle whatever is wrong. He’s so lucky to have you.”

“And Carter and Willow and this little baby are lucky to have you,” Clay smiles, leaning back. “We really have come a long way, haven’t we?”

Smiling, Justin nods. “Sometimes I can’t believe how far we've come.” Shaking his head, he looks back to Clay. “It’s a miracle either of us made it to where we are today. I guess we should just be grateful we’re both doing okay.”

“We should,” Justin agrees. “And I’m glad I have you to go through all of this with.”

“Me too,” Clay says, allowing a moment of silence to pass between them. “But I am looking forward to making fun of you for thinking you have the newborn stage handled in the beginning just to end up being as sleep deprived as the rest of us.”

Laughing, Justin shakes his head. “You know, I really should expect nothing less. It’s what I’d do to you, too.”

--

Whatever Jess had in her mind of how parenting class would go, the sheer overwhelming feeling is the last thing she thought she’d take from it.

Logically, she knows there’s more than one class to nail down everything being taught and feel confident going into her due date, but she ends up leaving feeling overwhelmed and wholly unprepared, expressing her worries to Justin the second they walk through the automatic doors of the building.

“I don’t really think it’s that bad,” Justin argues, unlocking the car and letting go of her hand. “I mean yeah, it was a little overwhelming to hear everything that we’d need to prepare for, but we took care of Hudson when he was a newborn, and my parents are nearby and are more than willing to help us whenever we need it.”

“I don’t want to rely on your parents every single time something gets hard,” Jess argues weakly, twisting to pull her seatbelt around her. “And we have to think about how even though this is our first kid, we are most likely going to have Carter and Willow still with us. How are we going to split our attention three ways?”

Justin smiles easily, navigating through the parking lot towards the main road. “We are not the first couple to have three kids at one time. You’re literally one of three kids, Jess,” he reminds her with a smirk.

Jess groans, pressing her head back. “We were all planned, and years apart. This is just… you know this isn’t normal. You can’t argue with me on that.”

“I won’t,” Justin promises. “It’s not normal, but it’s not the first time it’s been done either. I think once the baby is here we’ll figure out a routine and we’ll make it work. There’s no use stressing over what we can’t control.”

“But I’d like to get ahead of it,” Jess replies weakly.

“Look, we know we’re bringing our child home with two foster kids already living there. It’s just a fact at this point, and it’s more than okay. All we can control is making sure everyone feels loved, which they will. It’ll be okay.”

Chewing on her lip, Jess resists the urge to express her hesitancy and anxiousness once more. Logically, she knows that Justin is right. It won’t be seamless, not in the way he’s envisioning, but they can’t worry about it until they’re in the moment, and even then, she knows they’ll go above and beyond in making sure that everyone feels loved and like they’re getting the attention they need.

Instead of replying, allowing her brain to speak without thinking it through, she reaches across and takes Justin’s free hand, squeezing gently.

She could figure this out as long as he was right there by her side. That much she was sure of.

--

“I’m not ready to do this tomorrow.”

Carter’s voice cuts through the sizzling of the vegetables in a frying pan when he walks into the kitchen, face pale and hands wrung together painfully as the anxiety takes over his body. Jess turns the burner on low, sets the wooden spoon down on the tray, and turns to focus her full attention on Carter.

“Sit down, Carter. Let’s talk this through,” she says evenly, watching as he slides himself into a seat at the island, parting his hands only to grab at his hair. “Take a breath with me, let’s calm down.”

Hesitant, Carter obliges and takes a breath with her, his hands falling to the counter. “I don’t think I can do this tomorrow.”

“Okay,” Jess nods. “Can we break it down? Let’s start with what’s making you feel like this.”

Carter’s fingers tap anxiously against the counter. “I know we’ve done a lot of supervised visits with him and he’s in all these classes to make him a better person, but like,” he says, gesturing thinly, “how can we know he’ll be like that when we’re alone with him?”

Jess takes a moment to collect her thoughts. She wishes that Justin were home to handle this, knowing he’d know exactly what to say to calm Carter’s nerves and help him work through his anxiety. He’s the better parent with this sort of thing, she knows that, but she also knows that right now Carter needs help, and she’s capable of doing that.

“I know this isn’t what you want to hear, but I think it comes down to trust,” she says, not surprised when Carter’s face goes stoney. “Your dad has put in a lot of work to get better, and the only way we’re going to know that he’s the same alone as he is when you guys are with Melanie is if we rip the bandaid off and go for it.”

Carter shakes his head. “That just seems like such a bad approach,” he says quickly. “Every single time we trusted him to be better, he let us down. Social services didn’t take us the first few times, and he just kept getting worse until they did have to step in because I got hurt. Why should I hope that having unsupervised visits now will mean he’ll be fine?”

“Because he’s had more help, intervention, and monitoring the last few months than he’s ever had before,” she replies, keeping her voice even. “It’s not perfect, but I don’t think it ever will be. But how will we ever know that he’s learned and he is a better parent if we don’t let him have a chance to be by himself with the two of you?”

Hesitating, Carter pulls his hands through his hair. “How can I believe that I’ll be safe with him without anyone there to step in?” he asks, voice impossibly quiet. “He hurt me so many times, Jess. That bruise on my face was just the last straw. And I know we have to do this, I know I can’t stay with you guys forever, but I’m nervous that it’s too soon.”

Jess chews on her lip, reaching across to rest her hand on Carter’s. “I hear you, Carter,” she says, voice firm and reassuring, her hand curling around his. “What can Justin and I do to make you feel safer? Understanding that this is something we have to do, what do you need from Justin and I?”

For a while, Carter doesn’t say anything. He stares at their hands until his eyes become glazy and unfocused, taps his fingers anxiously against the granite, and then forces himself to look up at her. “I know you two can’t be there, but can you be nearby? So if something happens you can get there quickly?”

“Yes,” Jess smiles, nodding.

“And I can text you whenever I want throughout the visit? Even if it’s just to tell you that it’s going well?”

Jess pauses. “I really need you to try to stay off your phone as much as possible when you’re with your dad,” she prefaces, feeling him stiffen beneath her touch. “But yes, I want to hear from you if you need us, and I definitely want to hear from you if it’s going well.”

“Okay,” Carter agrees. For a moment, he looks more relaxed and at peace with their arrangements. “It’ll be okay, right?”

Smiling easily, Jess nods. “Do you really think Justin would let you guys go to an unsupervised visit if he wasn’t absolutely sure the two of you would be safe? Or me, for that matter?”

For the first time since appearing in the kitchen, Carter smiles. “Yeah, you’re right,” he agrees, pulling his hand back. “Thank you.”

“Always,” she says easily. “I love you, and I promise that Justin and I only want the best for you and Willow. We will never intentionally put you in a situation we don’t think you guys are ready for.”

“Okay,” Carter nods, slowly standing. “I’ll set the table,” he says abruptly, and Jess nods, understanding he wants something to do.

Jess watches as he crosses the kitchen and pulls dishes from the cabinet, setting the table as she turns and finishes dinner.

--

With the toy car firmly tucked in one hand and her hand in Justin’s other, both Carter and Willow walk with Justin through the entrance of the local park, Melanie and Mark already there and waiting for the first unsupervised visit.

All things considered, Justin thinks he’d been doing well masking his nervousness about the first unsupervised visit. Willow had been bouncing off the walls excited that morning, excited to see her dad and give him the car she’d worked so hard on and proudly displayed on the island for the remainder of the week in anticipation for the visit.

Carter, while much more subdued, amped up his excitement for Willow’s sake, talking excitedly over their bowls of cereal about spending time alone with their dad because he knew it was what she wanted to hear. Justin knew Carter wasn’t totally on board or at ease with this step, but he did have to commend him on the way he was playing it up for his sister, not wanting to make her nervous or dampen her spirits about seeing their dad.

“Daddy!” Willow gasps, wiggling her hand free from Justin’s grasp and jogging ahead. Justin watches, falling in step with Carter, as Willow jumps into her dad’s arms excitedly, hugging him.

“He better not hate that car,” Carter mumbles beside Justin. “I don’t know why she got her hopes up, he’s never loved anything we made.”

“Let her be,” Justin reminds him quietly. “Have faith that he changed.”

Carter mumbles something under his breath beside Justin, stopping when Willow leans back to show off the car firmly in her hands.

“I made you this car and painted it your favorite colors!” she says excitedly, holding it out in front of his face. “Justin helped me make it, but I did all the painting by myself!”

Mark stops for a moment, hesitating, and then smiles. “I love it, Willow. Thanks for making it for me,” he says, but Justin notices the hesitation in his voice and the way he looks between the car and Willow. “I’m going to put it up in the house, okay?”

“Okay!” Willow nods, sliding back to stand on the ground.

“He hated it, but at least he put on a lie for her and she believed it,” Carter says, leaving Justin’s side and walking over, turning back to wave at Justin.

“We’ll meet you both back here in an hour. Please call if you need anything,” Melanie says, waving goodbye and ushering Justin away.

Justin turns back and watches as they walk down the path and out of view, Carter’s hand resting in Willow’s, and hopes that everything goes okay.

--

There’s a handful of times where Justin remembers clearly feeling like his heart was lodged in his throat.

Those long days in juvie following his arrest in the Bryce Walker trial, where Lainie would visit him diligently, kind and sympathetic eyes each time she had to let him know that they had yet to locate Amber. He remembers wondering what would happen if they never found her, spending long hours in his cell with his throat constricted and tears welling behind his eyes at the thought of being stuck there forever because his mother didn’t care.

Or standing in front of the judge in family court as he read through letters and testimonies, each one enthusiastically recommending Justin’s adoption. He doesn’t think he’ll ever forget how Lainie clung tightly to his arm, squeezing gently as the judge confirmed the adoption and signed the papers. He won’t forget Matt’s strong hand on his back, rubbing evenly, or Clay’s nudge of his knee against Justin’s, the smile evident on his face.

Standing at the local park, Melanie standing across from him as Carter and Willow follow their dad through the walking trail towards the playground, Justin feels like he’s back there again. He’s vibrating with nervousness and uncertainty, a worry that he’s losing Carter’s trust after Jess filled him in on how their foster son was feeling in anticipation of their first unsupervised visit.

“It’s only for an hour,” Melanie reminds him gently, a warm smile on her face. “But before you leave, I think you and I should talk.”

Nodding numbly, Justin follows her over to a park bench, sitting down. “You want to talk about the logistics of their foster situation.”

Melanie smiles kindly. “I do,” she nods. “Justin, I know you’re more than aware that supervised visits are the final hurdle to reunification. We’re going to have quite a few of these, but I think you and Jess should be prepared to have the reunification within the next few months.”

Nodding, Justin’s hands tingle and he feels the numbness spread across his body. He’s aware that this likely means the kids will still be there when the baby is born, but not for nearly as long as they had been expecting or hoping. And while it’s a good thing - one that Justin celebrates with his clients - it’s bittersweet, and he doesn’t want to think about a life where Carter and Willow aren’t woven seamlessly into it.

“Jess and I would like to offer to stay in touch when they are reunited with their dad,” he says, his throat dry and voice weak. “I know it’s up to him, and Jess knows that, too, but we don’t want contact to be cut off if we can help it. We want to continue to be a resource and a trusted place to come if they need us.”

“I understand,” Melanie nods. “We’ll discuss it when we get to that stage of the adoption. But for what it’s worth, I do think that is a reasonable request that I can see their dad agreeing to. He is really grateful for you and Jess, and I think he can see how much you guys mean to the kids. We’ll do everything we can to make sure you guys don’t lose touch.”

Breathing a sigh of relief, Justin nods. “Thank you,” he replies sincerely, looking up at her. “I’m going to go to a home visit, but Jess will be here to pick them up. Call me if you need anything.”

“I will,” she promises, and as Justin forces himself to stand and walk back to his car, he fills his mind with positive reassurance that the kids are going to be okay.

--

Jess doesn’t think she can put into words the relief that flows through her when Carter and Willow walk back with Melanie with smiles on their faces. After not receiving a text from Carter, she couldn’t stop her mind from going into overdrive that something happened.

Willow runs over to her and hugs around her bump, looking up. “We had so much fun, Jess!” she exclaims, smiling when Jess brushes her hair back away from her face.

“I’m glad,” Jess smiles, looking up as Carter and Melanie arrive. “How was it, sweetheart?” Jess asks, biting back a smile when Carter shrugs.

“It was nice,” he decides, and it sounds sincere and fills Jess with relief.

“We’ll do another unsupervised visit in two weeks, next time for a little longer. I’ll be in touch,” Melanie promises, waving goodbye as she walks in the opposite direction while Jess ushers Carter and Willow back to the car.

“You both had fun?” Jess asks, turning to Carter.

“We did,” Carter nods, smiling. “Sorry I didn’t text. I was trying to be involved for Willow, but also it was a good time.”

Jess smiles. “Don’t apologize for not texting. I’m glad it went well,” she smiles. “So you feel a little better now that you went through it?”

“Yeah,” Carter nods. “It wasn’t perfect, but he apologized to me after he got mad and he said he’d work on it for next time, and that’s more than he’s ever done before. Maybe he has changed.”

“Maybe he has,” Jess agrees. “But we’ll keep working on it and make sure it’s better before you two are back with him for good,” she promises, squeezing his arm as he brushes past her to get in the car.

--

Understanding the chaos of the afternoon following supervised visitation and the emotions it brings out of both kids, Jess was grateful for Justin offering to take the kids out for ice cream, giving her some time alone.

Logically, she knew she should clean up the house and do some laundry. But she can’t remember the last time she laid on the couch with no other plans, and so, against her better judgment, she grabs her phone and the remote and lays on the couch, content to stay there until they get back home.

After a few minutes of blissful silence, the peace washing over her in waves, she decides to reach out to Alex. Calling him, it rings until the last second before he picks it up, amusement laced through his words.

“Now you call me? I almost forgot who you were,” he teases, and Jess rolls her eyes, resting her hand on her bump.

“I’m raising two humans and pregnant with another,” she argues, closing her eyes and tipping her head back. “Besides, the phone works both ways, and you have way more news to share with me.”

Alex laughs on the other line. “You weren’t kidding when you said that the paperwork is relentless,” he quips, “I mean, the adoption interviews are obviously different, but my god. If there was one more thing they came back with I think I probably would’ve divorced Charlie for bringing up adoption in the first place.”

Jess smiles, sinking back against the cushions. “You would never divorce Charlie. He’s the only one who’d put up with your dramatic ass.”

“Maybe so,” Alex relents, letting the silence fall over them for a moment. “I’m guessing you got some time alone?”

“I did,” Jess hums. “Justin took the kids out for ice cream, and I thought I should check in on you. How’s the process going? Besides the paperwork, of course.”

Alex is silent for a moment. Jess can hear the hesitation, the words caught in his throat, and listens to him blow out a breath. “It’s just starting to feel really real,” he says quietly. “We did our first interview, which went really well, but I’m trying not to get my hopes up.”

Slowly, Jess shifts. “Why wouldn’t you get your hopes up? You said yourself that it went well, and you still want to adopt, right?”

“Definitely,” he replies quickly. “But Jess, we’re a gay couple. That doesn’t always go well. And then if they think I can’t handle a kid or something because of my TBI, what happens then?”

Chewing on her lip, Jess lets his worries flow over her for a moment. “First of all, we live in Northern California. No one gives a fuck about the gay couple thing in a lot of places, and they definitely don’t care here,” she reminds him. “And second, can you love a kid and provide them a safe and loving home where they can grow up and love whatever and whoever they want?”

Alex hesitates. “Yeah,” he says quietly, and for a moment Jess thinks she can hear him smiling.

“Then congrats, you can take care of a kid,” she smiles. “All kids want is to feel loved and safe, and you and Charlie can do that. But if you’re worried, Justin and I will write you guys recommendation letters.”

“I think that would help,” Alex replies, thanking her quietly. “I just don’t want to screw this up.”

“You won’t,” Jess reassures him, and somehow it feels more truthful than she thinks it ever has before.

“I know,” Alex replies, cautious and under his breath, and then composes himself. “So, tell me everything about this baby you’re about to have. When do we meet our niece?”

Jess laughs, rubbing her bump and tilting her head back, launching into all the updates she hadn’t been able to give him since they last talked.

--

The ice cream shop in town is quiet and empty when Justin ushers Carter and Willow inside, smiling as Willow walks up to the freezer and looks at all of the options.

Understanding that Jess needed some time alone and the kids deserved to celebrate a positive first unsupervised visit, Justin declared that they were going out for ice cream, laughing when Willow celebrated accordingly and Carter just quietly agreed with a shrug and a smile.

He wasn’t sure how he expected to feel following the first unsupervised visit. Comforted by the fact that Carter seems to be happy with how it went and Willow is ecstatic about getting to hang out with her dad without Melanie there, Justin tries to see the bright side of things.

Like how unsupervised visits means they’re one step closer to being able to provide a safe and stable home with their biological father. Or how Carter and Willow seem more settled than they have in weeks following visits, the tension dissipating, outbursts in the hours after the visits at a minimum, and smiles on both of their faces. Or how, despite them never wanting to have this moment end, it means they’re closer than ever to seeing their first foster placement end on a happy note.

But there’s dread pooling at the bottom of his stomach, turning uncomfortably as sick rises in his throat the longer he thinks about what’s coming. He was always the more prepared one, the one who understood that the system is set up for reunification, and that he and Jess had never had plans to adopt Carter and Willow. Them being closer to being reunited with their father is not a shock or an upset to what they knew going on. It has been planned meticulously since they first arrived, with weekly visits, check-ins, and incentives for their father to reunite with his children.

It also doesn’t make it any easier to let go. To feel so intensely that they’re coming to the end of this placement and being faced with so many unknowns, left to wonder if their dad would want to keep this contact up at all in the future.

If Justin thinks too long about it, he finds himself getting emotional. If he could pause this moment in time - Willow pressing the tip of her finger against the display case, giggling at the icy frost rubbing off; Carter bending down to her height, drawing a smiley face on the glass beside her finger to make her laugh - he thinks he could live there forever.

He stands behind them, hands resting on each of their shoulders, and nudges them to pick out a flavor. “Lots of other families had the same idea as us, guys. We need to be a little bit quicker,” he encourages as the ice cream shop grows more crowded, smiling as Willow nods and perches on her tiptoes, choosing bubble gum ice cream and following Carter down the line to grab spoons from the waiting cup.

“We should bring some home for Jess,” Willow suggests when Justin joins them at the table, leaning forward on her elbows to dig her spoon into her bowl. “I think she’d like cotton candy best.”

“No, I think you’re the one who likes cotton candy best,” Carter retorts with a wide smile, sucking the ice cream away from the cookie dough piece in his mouth.

Willow laughs, shrugging. “Okay, but she really does like chocolate ice cream.”

“She does,” Justin agrees, leaning back. “Let’s finish ours, and then we’ll buy Jess some ice cream and bring it home to her,” he promises, laughing when Willow agrees enthusiastically and stabs her spoon into the bright pink ice cream.

Looking between Carter and Willow, laughs and smiles being shared between them, Justin is aware that this is the best day they’ve had in a long time.

He wants to bottle it up and make it last forever.

Chapter Text

If anyone was going to have the most picturesque wedding shower, it was going to be Ani.

Jess snaps more photos of Willow standing under an elaborate flower wall on the way into the backyard than she could’ve ever dreamed about, and yet still finds herself impressed when they snake their way through the backyard of her future mother-in-law’s house, where the decorations are even more elegant and elaborate than anything she’s ever seen before.

“For someone who doesn’t love attention, you really went all out,” Jess smiles when she hugs Ani, who rolls her eyes.

“My mother and future mother-in-law went all out,” she argues. “I would’ve much preferred a quiet afternoon out. Maybe find a cute place for tea or something and just celebrate that way. This is… it’s nice, but it’s a lot.”

“It looks so pretty,” Willow mumbles, marveling at the extravagant flower centerpieces and the balloon arch hung carefully against the side of the house.

Jess smiles, Willow pressing back against her legs as she looks back to Ani. “You’ve impressed an incredibly picky six year old. That alone should make you feel like you’ve won the lottery.”

Bending down to Willow’s height, Ani holds her arms out for a hug. “I’m so glad you could come, Willow! I know it might be a little boring, but we’re going to have some treats later, and Naomi is here to hang out with, too,” she says.

Unphased by the fact that she’s one of the only kids at the party, Willow shrugs and smiles. “I got to wear my pretty dress again!” she exclaims, twirling in front of Jess, giggling when she stumbles. “Jess says that I can’t wear it all the time. Only for special occasions because we don’t want it to get dirty.”

“Well, I’m honored that this was considered a special occasion,” Ani smiles.

Willow pauses, cocking her head to the side. “You’re getting married! That’s like the most special thing ever, isn’t it?” she asks. “Jess told me that she wore a pretty dress to her wedding, and everyone who came to watch wore fancy dresses.”

“Jess is right,” Ani smiles. “Did you know that I was a bridesmaid at Jess' wedding?”

“You were?” Willow asks, tilting her head up to look at Jess. “You didn’t tell me that!”

“I didn’t think you’d be interested,” Jess argues with a smile. “I’m sorry for leaving out that clearly very important detail. When we go home, I’ll show you which person is Ani in our wedding picture that’s hanging on the wall, okay?”

Willow nods quickly. “I like looking at that picture,” she says, turning back to Ani. “Did you meet Jess and Justin a really long time ago?”

Ani laughs. “I did meet them a very long time ago,” she confirms with a smile, ushering Jess and Willow around to introduce them to the family members they don’t know before letting them settle at a table with Naomi and Chloe, who seem excited to welcome them to their quiet setting in the corner of the party.

“I was worried you weren’t going to come,” Chloe confesses. “I mean, you’re so far along, and I wasn’t sure you wanted to spend an afternoon sitting outside at a wedding shower.”

Shrugging, Jess smooths her hand over Willow’s hair, helping her reach for the stray pieces of confetti that laid in the center of the table so she could play with them. “I wanted to be here for Ani, especially in case I go into labor before her wedding and I can’t be there,” she explains. “Besides, Willow lives for a good party, and it gives us an excuse to get out of the house for a little while and away from the boys.”

“Are we going to get to eat that cake?” Willow interjects, eyes wide and a smile spreading across her face as she stares at the cake that’s centered on the sweets table.

Chloe and Naomi hide their laughs as Jess rolls her eyes, pushing Willow’s chair closer to the table. “I’m sure we’ll cut the cake in a little while, but you have to eat some actual food before you go straight for the sweets.”

Willow pouts for a moment before reluctantly agreeing, and when Chloe asks her how school is and what her favorite thing to do with her friends is, she talks for hours. Words tumble out of her mouth at a mile a minute, Jess resisting the urge to make her slow down when Chloe gestures that it’s fine and Naomi shakes her head, a smile on her face.

“Chloe doesn’t really know Willow, and she’s enthralled with these stories. You’ve gotta learn to accept the help when it’s laid out in front of you,” she says from across the table, sliding her phone in Jess’ direction to show her a photo of all of the boys out to lunch with Matt.

Jess stares at the picture, rolling her eyes. “We really should have known that they couldn’t go a few hours just hanging out separately,” she says. “But I am glad they got Matt out of the house. Maybe give Lainie some time to herself.”

“She’s been talking about everything she wanted to do in their garden without Matt pulling her into other projects or activities,” Naomi says with a smile, pulling her phone back in front of her. “I would be the least shocked person if it turned out that she coerced Clay and Justin into getting Matt out of the house for a few hours so she could have some peace and quiet.”

“You are absolutely right, she would do that,” Jess agrees. “And Justin is so eager to do whatever she asks that he would make sure she got that alone time for as long as she wanted, even if that meant dragging Clay out with them.”

Glancing at the time, Naomi smiles. “They’re out when Hudson has quiet time in the afternoon. There was absolutely some bribing going on there, Clay would never dare go out otherwise. He lives for those few hours of quiet time and fears when Hudson isn’t getting into everything,” she laughs. “They can try to convince us that’s not what’s happening here, but we’re smarter than that.”

Jess smiles, resting her hand on her bump as she laughs, turning to listen to Willow and Chloe’s animated conversation about riding bikes and the tallest slide in the world at Eisenhower Park.

--

It was Matt’s idea to go out to lunch with his sons and their boys.

Justin had posed the idea to Carter, who shrugged nonchalantly and stretched back against the pillows on his bed. “Matt’s cool, it’ll probably be fun,” he agreed, and so Justin accepted, texting back quickly in the group chat before Carter changed his mind.

In contrast to the first lunch they had with Jess’ parents, Matt decides they’re better off going to Rosie’s Diner, the five of them crowding around a circular table with a sticky linoleum top and a retro pattern. Hudson receives a kid’s menu, coercing Carter into playing tic tac toe with him while Justin, Clay and Matt all talk.

“You can stop at any time, Carter, he’ll just color the rest of the time if you don’t want to play anymore,” Clay smiles, stabbing the straw through Hudson’s kiddie cup and setting it in front of him.

Carter looks up at him, smiling as he shrugs. “It’s okay. Willow usually makes me play the games with her, too, so I’m used to it,” he offers, turning back to Hudson and laughing as he beats him at tic tac toe.

“I like that he doesn’t let Hudson win,” Matt smiles, setting his glasses down on the table. “I used to beat Clay and Lainie would get upset, but it’s an important part of maturing. You can’t expect to win all the time, it’s just not how life is,” he says.

“I would’ve loved beating Clay at every single kids' menu game when we were little,” Justin says, a smirk on his face when Clay stares at him and rolls his eyes. “I would’ve been relentless.”

“And you would’ve gotten in trouble,” Matt says easily in reply, reaching for his water. “We would’ve encouraged healthy competition, but something tells me you would’ve taken it just a step further than you would’ve been allowed to.”

Justin laughs, clearing his throat. “That assessment isn’t wrong, honestly,” he admits, shrugging as he turns to look at Carter with a smile. “What we’re hearing is that you're a much better brother than I would’ve been if I was Clay’s brother when we were younger.”

His statement earns a laugh for Carter, who rolls his eyes. “So how old were you when you did get fostered?”

“Seventeen,” Justin replies with a smile. “But my foster situation wasn’t necessarily the way yours is. I was in emergency placement with them, my mom never signed over my custody, but it was evident that she wasn’t fit to take care of me.”

“So was it easier or harder than the normal fostering?” Carter asks, glancing at Hudson to see he’s sufficiently satisfied working on drawing a picture in the free space of the menu. “I mean, I guess none of it was easy.”

Matt hesitates, and then at Justin’s nudging, looks back at Carter. “There were aspects that I’m sure were easier than the traditional fostering process,” he begins. “But there were parts that were incredibly difficult, and moments where we had to take a lot of extra steps and a more drawn out process because his birth mother was so uninvolved, yet still just present enough to warrant checking off the boxes,” he explains.

Carter nods. “How long did it take before you adopted him?”

Hesitating once more, Justin turns to look at Carter. “There were a lot of hoops we had to jump through, so it took just over a year before they adopted me,” he explains, taking the pressure off of Matt to answer and potentially reveal more than Justin had told Carter. “But I was with them the whole time, and I didn’t have to go back with my mom.”

“It was a longer process than we wanted or anticipated, but it was worth every single second,” Matt says easily, a smile spreading across his face. “Justin was the best thing to happen to our family, and now I can’t imagine us not having him as our son. In my eyes, I’ve always had two sons.”

Carter smiles, shrugging. “I guess he’s pretty cool, but he can be lame sometimes,” he teases.

“He could always be lame,” Clay agrees, biting back a smile. “But our dad is right, it was the best decision to adopt him, even if there were some growing pains sometimes.”

“I know we’re not being adopted,” Carter says after a minute, tapping his finger against the table. “But it’s nice to see that it’s not all bad. That sometimes things really do end well.”

Clay smiles, folding his hands in front of him. “As long as your dad is okay with it and you’re comfortable, we’ll all be there for you as you need us,” he says. “I know it makes sense to want to just go to Justin, but if you ever need anything from any of us, you don’t have to feel like you’re imposing by reaching out.”

Carter’s face heats as he ducks his head, smiling. “Thank you, seriously,” he says, voice laced with sincerity. “You have no idea how much it means to me to know that we have so many people that care about us. That doesn’t… we’ve never really had anything like this before.”

“We’re more than happy to give you it now,” Matt replies easily.

Despite the sincerity, Justin notices the discomfort in Carter as he smiles gratefully and thanks them again quietly. He doesn’t think Matt or Clay notice, but Justin picks up on the little mannerisms he remembers having when he was the one in Carter’s position - feeling a little like an imposition, like maybe they’re just saying these sentiments because they feel like they have to.

If there’s anything he knows better than anyone, it’s the fact that the Jensens don’t say anything they don’t mean. And maybe Carter will never take them up on their offer, maybe he’ll only keep in touch with Jess and Justin and they can share updates as Carter wishes, but Justin knows that if there was ever a day Carter needed something, Matt, Lainie and Clay will be there for him, no questions asked.

It’s the thing he’s most grateful for since becoming part of their family, something he doesn’t think he’ll ever take for granted. As he looks at Carter, who’s highlighting the football season and how school is going for Matt, who is always interested in the school aspect of things, he only hopes he can be half the people the Jensens were and continue to be to him.

He thinks about how if he were able to be half of that, maybe he’d feel like he accomplished something in life. As long as Carter knows he’s loved and has that support system he’s always needed, there’s nothing more he could ever ask for.

--

By the time the wedding shower wraps up and Willow is sufficiently running on sugar from the cake and sweets table, Jess feels herself dragging the two of them and Naomi towards the Jensen’s house, where everyone had been hanging out after they went to lunch.

Lainie’s in the kitchen putting dinner together when they walk in the back door, Willow saying a quick hello before walking through the kitchen in search of Justin and Carter to recap their afternoon as Naomi follows her to find Hudson.

“You look exhausted,” Lainie says with a warm smile as Jess toes off her shoes and sits down at the kitchen table with a laugh. “Are you sure you don’t want to go sit out on the sofa or the chair? Put your feet up? Everyone is in the other room hanging out, I just figured I’d use the time to start getting dinner ready.”

Shaking her head, Jess ties her hair up into a bun. “Honestly, I’m too tired to walk into the other room,” she laughs. “I’ll go see them in a few minutes, but right now I’m pretty happy just sitting here. Besides, Willow is so hyper on sugar that she’ll be occupying all of their time for the first few minutes at least.”

“You’re right. I can hear her in there talking all about the decorations and the games and gifts Ani was given. The boys are indulging her, but you can imagine their expressions and how little they really care about the topic,” she laughs, handing Jess a bottle of water. “How are you feeling? Not much longer now, huh, love?”

Jess takes a sip of water, savoring the coolness on her throat, and shakes her head. “A few weeks out, if we’re lucky,” she smiles. “I feel okay, just exhausted and ready for her to be here, but honestly, I’ll take how I feel now over having no energy and being in pain, which I’m sure is coming.”

“It might not,” Lainie encourages, setting a tray of sandwiches in the fridge before joining Jess at the table. “I was never really in pain with Clay. I was more just uncomfortable and equal parts nervous and excited to finally see his little face and have him in our lives.”

Jess lets a moment pass, squeezing the water bottle between her hands, and then looks back to Lainie. “Were you out of your mind terrified when you thought about going into labor with Clay?” she asks, voice timid and quiet.

Lainie smiles, crossing her legs. “I was absolutely terrified,” she says, watching the relief wash over Jess. “On top of being scared about the labor itself, even just thinking about leaving the hospital being responsible for this little human terrified me. I wanted to be a mom, but I don’t think I ever thought about the labor or the first few moments alone.”

“I guess I’m just worried I won’t be able to handle it, or things won’t go right or something, and I’ll freak out,” she rambles, shaking her head. “I know it’s all irrational, and it’s not like we have any firm plans because I know they’re all just going to fly out the window on the actual day, but like… I don’t know.”

“You still like to feel prepared,” Lainie finishes, smiling when Jess looks relieved and nods. “First of all, if there’s ever someone who is equipped to handle labor, it’s you,” she begins. “And as for after, well you have a whole support system around you who is willing to come at a moment's notice, no questions asked,” she smiles.

Relaxing at the thought, Jess nods. “Thank you, seriously. I know my parents will be here and will help out until they have to leave, but I’m glad that we have you and Matt. It makes me feel so much better.”

“Matt and I are so excited to be able to help with whatever you need. Including coming over to just hold the baby if you guys need sleep. It’s going to be the best, and we don’t want you to ever feel like you can’t reach out for help.”

Smiling, Jess reaches out to take Lainie’s hand, squeezing. “Thank you,” is all she manages to get out, but somehow it feels like more than enough in the moment.

Lainie smiles and squeezes back, brushing her thumb against Jess’ knuckles. “Always,” she whispers, allowing the moment to pass quietly between them.

--

In the chaos of dinner and getting Willow into bed at a decent hour, their normal relaxed nighttime routine had been cast aside in favor of a quick bathtime and reading time for Willow as Jess gets her ready for bed.

Carter hangs around the kitchen, placing dishes in the dishwasher as Justin gets their lunches ready for the next day, cleaning up the kitchen in between. It’s a nice moment, quiet and peaceful and not awkward like Justin remembers it being in the beginning. So many things had changed since those first few nights of Carter and Willow staying with them, but this was what Justin loved the most.

The ability to be in the same room with no distractions, no conversations between the two of them, and have it feel safe. It was everything he had wanted as a child, and the exact feeling he gets to give his own foster children now.

“When I was in the kitchen with Lainie when we were at their house, she told me I shouldn’t bring you a beer because you’re sober,” Carter says quietly, staring at the sink as he continues to load the dishwasher. “I know you told me that you were sober, but I thought you only meant from drugs.”

Justin places the last lid on the storage container, looking back at Carter. “I’m sober from both. Drugs much longer than alcohol,” he says. “Honestly, I still drank at parties when I was a senior in high school and then at parties at college. But there’s way more drugs at college, and I started to feel like the more that I drank, the more I wanted to get high. And when I’m drunk, it’s much harder for me to say no to the temptation. I also had less accountability at school since Clay or our friend group weren’t there to make sure I didn’t do something stupid,” he explains. “I decided to stop drinking to keep my sobriety from drugs.”

Carter nods. “Do you think my dad could ever be sober?”

“Anyone can be sober, it’s just a matter of if he wants it bad enough,” Justin says. “We can hope that now that he’s learning to cope with everything, he’ll drink less because he doesn’t feel the need to. The program he’s in also encourages less drinking and sobriety if at all possible. I like to believe that he’d want to follow that because his actions were tied to alcohol most of the time.”

“I can’t imagine him being sober,” he says out loud. “I can’t imagine my mom being sober, either. Ever. And it’s clear she chose alcohol over us, so I don’t think it’ll ever happen.”

“Maybe not,” Justin says, preferring to be blunt with the subject instead of beating around the bush. “My mom never got sober. It didn’t matter what I said to her, or how long it had been, she would just go back to drugs. She’d have stretches of being clean, moments where I thought she’d do it, but she always went back to it.”

“And maybe your dad won’t be sober either, but if he learns to manage his alcohol intake and he no longer drinks to the point where he can’t control his actions, that’s a huge step forward. He doesn’t have to be sober to be a better dad.”

“I guess not,” he shrugs. “Is Jess sober?”

“She is not,” Justin says with a smile. “When she has that baby, she is going to celebrate with a glass of wine.”

“And it doesn’t bother you that people around you drink?”

“If the actions of people around me determined my sobriety, I would’ve relapsed a million times over by now,” Justin laughs. “Only I can control my own life, it can’t come from anyone else.”

Carter closes the dishwasher softly, turning back to wash his hands. “Even if my dad won’t get sober, it’s at least good to know that he can still be a good dad.”

“If for whatever reason you still feel unsafe with his drinking, you need to alert us, or talk to him about how it makes you feel. Your dad is in a better place now to have those conversations,” Justin reminds him. “If you want that conversation to be supervised or close to someone who can step in, we can arrange that. Whatever you need to feel comfortable.”

“I’ll think about it,” Carter nods. He waits, sucking in a breath, and looks to Justin as he puts the last of the things away. “Your kid is really lucky to have a dad like you.”

Justin looks up, smiling. “Thank you,” he mumbles, hoping it sounds sincere enough.

“I mean, she’s going to have a super embarrassing dad who’s going to love teasing her all the time, but that’s not really a bad thing. And maybe she’ll even like that,” he smirks, laughing when Justin shoves his shoulder playfully as he squeezes by.

“Tell me I’m not as embarrassing as Clay is as a dad.”

Carter hesitates, biting back a laugh. “I mean, I really like Clay. He seems like a cool brother, and obviously he’s a really good dad for Hudson,” he prefaces, pushing his hair back away from his face. “But he’s definitely that cringy dad at all the school events. The ones when I was actually grateful my dad wasn’t like that. I don’t think you’ll be as cringy or as embarrassing as that.”

Justin blows out a breath, shaking his head. “That’s a relief, I’ve got to be honest with you,” he says. “You’ll tell me if I end up being too cringy or going too far down into dad mode? I don’t want to be that guy. It’s more Clay’s thing.”

Grabbing his notebook off the counter, Carter nods. “Oh, you’ll definitely be warned when you’re getting too cringy, you don’t have to worry about that,” he smirks, disappearing upstairs as Justin ruffles his hair.

Carter not being pessimistic or down about what the future could look like will always be a win to Justin, and as the fact that they’re going to begin focusing on reunification in the near future, he finds himself cherishing these little moments now more than ever before.

--

“For formally making it through the adoption paperwork and all of the interviews and are officially accepted and cleared to become parents, I bring you cake to celebrate,” Jess announces her presence at Charlie and Alex’s house as she walks through the front door, setting the cake on the kitchen island and toeing off her shoes, collapsing into a chair at the table.

Alex eyes her, a smirk on his face as he digs through the drawer for a knife. “You’re like seconds away from pushing a baby out of you, and you turn up with a cake that is also suspiciously your favorite flavors,” he says, walking over and pulling off the lid to cut the cake, “something tells me that you brought this over not just as a celebration for us, but also because you wanted cake.”

Jess tilts her head, dropping her jaw. “How dare you imply that I have selfish motives in this gift giving, Alex Standall,” she says, pushing herself to sit up. “But also I’m about to push a child out of me, I needed an excuse to get out of the house and away from the chaos, and celebrating with you two was high on my list since you will ignore me for the baby the next time we’re together.”

“You have to know that will not be intentional,” Charlie replies, kissing the top of her head softly. “You know how babies are. They’re adorable, we’re going to be parents now, and we want all the practice that we can get.”

“I understand,” Jess nods, eagerly taking the piece Alex offers her. “So, how does it feel knowing that you guys could become parents at any moment now?”

“Surreal,” Alex replies, cutting he and Charlie a piece as they join her at the table. “I mean, we’ll get more of a leadup to it than you and Justin did, but just knowing that they’re actively looking for an adoption placement for us right now kind of makes my head spin.”

Charlie swallows, twirling his fork between his fingers. “Sometimes I get so excited about it that I can’t sleep. And then I get nervous that maybe we just played the system really, really well, and maybe we’re not ready for this.”

“Oh, please, if there’s any two in our friend group more ready to be parents, it’s you guys,” Jess defends. “Charlie, you’ve literally been parenting all of us since we were in high school.”

Charlie’s cheeks flush as he ducks his head. “I think it’ll feel more real when we get that call and we start the adoption process.”

Jess nods. “Are you guys looking to start with a baby that’s just born? Or kids a little older?”

“Either,” Charlie answers, shrugging. He glances at Alex, and Jess watches as they brush their hands together on the table. “I think we’d be happy with either, we just want to give a kid a safe and loving home that they don’t have now.”

“Well, whatever happens, you two are going to be the best, and we’re all going to love those kids as if they were our own.”

“Just as we’re going to love your baby girl,” Charlie smiles. “If you don’t have her soon, I might go insane.”

“He asks me every day if I’ve gotten a text yet,” Alex rolls his eyes, hiding his smile behind another bite of cake.

Jess laughs, finishing off her piece and wiping the corners of her mouth. “Justin will let you know I’m in labor. It’ll fully be no friend left behind.”

“We’re holding you to that,” Charlie warns, the three of them laughing as they start talking about nursery and bedroom designs, thankful to be on a similar path at the same time.

Chapter Text

Having a baby was not the same as getting married.

So when Charlie, Zach and Tyler convince the boys of the group to throw Justin a little party for becoming a dad, Jess laughs at the absurdity of it sounding like a bachelor weekend.

“Your wife could go into labor any day, but I do also think you deserve a night away from this chaos and a night to rest before our middle of the nights are filled with being exhausted and a crying baby who can’t tell us what’s wrong, on top of the two kids we’re already taking care of and will need help adjusting again.”

Justin tosses t-shirts into his duffel bag, smiling. “We’re going to be a half hour away. If anything happens, even if you think it’s false labor, please call me and tell me to come home?” he says, looking at her. “I’ll even have Clay drive me so you don’t have to worry about me being so nervous or excited that I drive too fast.”

Carefully sitting down on her side of the bed, Jess smiles. “We’re going to be fine. Carter, Willow and I will spend some time just the three of us before everything changes. And if something happens, Matt and Lainie are a few minutes away, and Naomi is around, and I will call you and make sure you’re the first to know.”

Justin hesitates. “You know what, maybe I shouldn’t go,” he backtracks, shaking his head. “We’re too close to the due date, and do we really need a guys weekend right now? Everyone has so much going on.”

“And yet they still want to celebrate you becoming a dad,” Jess finishes, reaching over to re-fold a shirt. “You should go. You’re a half hour away, we have more than enough people nearby in the small chance something happens, and you’ve been more than helpful the entire pregnancy. Go enjoy one final night with the boys. The doctor said we probably still have a few weeks before I go into labor anyway. There’s no point in you sitting around here waiting for something that probably won’t happen tonight.”

Relaxing slightly, Justin takes the shirt from Jess’ hand and shoves it into his bag, ignoring the eye roll from her at the fact that he ruined her folding. “You’re right. There’s a million people around who will be able to help if something happens, but the doctor did say we probably have a few weeks. It’ll be fine.”

“It will,” Jess promises, laughing when he leans over to kiss her, their moment interrupted when Willow appears in the doorway asking for a snack.

--

Clay and Tyler rented a house in the mountains for the night, using the excuse of Justin becoming a dad to justify all of them going away. It was poorly timed, Clay would be the first to admit it, but after the initial hesitancy of going away so close to the due date, Justin was actually looking forward to a night of hanging out with just the guys.

“It feels weird to be talking about you becoming a dad when it feels like you’ve been one for months,” Tyler comments, pouring soda out into a glass and handing it to Justin. “I mean, I know they’re not biologically yours, and they also aren’t newborns, but still.”

“Think about how I feel,” Clay smirks, weaving his way through the kitchen to grab a snack. “I see him all the time with Carter and Willow, and yet I still can’t picture him as a dad to a newborn. He’s not going to be able to just hand the baby back when she gets fussy like he used to do with Hudson.”

Justin takes a step back from his place at the counter, nudging Clay into the wall. “I’ve mentally prepared myself for it to be me that has to figure out what’s wrong and calm her down,” he says. “I’ll be able to figure it out, but we all know that all I have to do is call Lainie and she’ll be over in like half a second. And she’s a baby whisperer, she’ll be able to help.”

“You would just call on Mom the second you couldn’t figure out what the baby needed,” Clay laughs. “But you’re right, she will know what to do. She is sort of a baby whisperer.”

“I’m taking that as you definitely called Lainie in when you and Naomi couldn’t figure things out,” Justin smirks. “Jess and I are honestly more nervous about adjusting to having three kids in the house when she’s born than anything else.”

“So you’re definitely still going to have Carter and Willow when the baby is born?” Tony asks, leaning back in the chair at the island.

Leaning against the counter, Justin nods. “We have to have a few more unsupervised visits before we start the reunification process. It may just be a few weeks after she’s born, but they’re definitely going to be with us.”

“Are you worried about figuring it all out?” Charlie asks. “I mean, we haven’t even gotten an adoption placement yet and I’m worried about how we’re going to juggle work and adjusting and making sure everyone is happy.”

“I’m terrified,” Justin admits, sighing. “Willow is over the moon excited, but will she keep that excitement when the baby is here and she realizes that she needs a lot of attention? And Carter isn’t really phased either way, but we’ve worked so hard to build his trust and make him feel like he can come to us with anything, and I don’t want him to feel like that all goes away now that the baby is here.”

“I don’t think he’ll think that at all,” Tyler shrugs. “It’s obvious that you and Jess made it a priority to make him feel comfortable and like he can talk to you. Even though it’ll be a change, it’s not like you’re going to just forget about them and their feelings. If there’s anyone that can figure out the balance and make sure everyone feels comfortable, it’s you and Jess.”

Clay watches Justin, noticing the discomfort and disbelief on his face. “Tyler’s right,” he says quietly, voice just above a murmur as he leans down against the counter beside his brother. “You’re going to figure it out, Carter and Willow will survive the adjustment period, and it’ll be okay. You don’t have to worry about it,” he promises.

Justin leans towards Clay, their shoulders nudging together, and smiles.

“Thank you,” he mumbles, voice just as quiet in return. He turns to glance at Clay, a sincere smile spreading across his face, and then, before Clay can turn this into a stereotypical moment Justin’s grown so accustomed to since being adopted, he stands and teases Alex about his fishing skills as he follows him out to the dock.

--

“You have no idea how much I needed these few minutes away from wedding planning,” Ani sighs as she answers the FaceTime, earning a smile from Jess. “How did you sneak away for a few minutes? Aren’t the boys away?”

“They are, but Carter and Willow are kicking the soccer ball around outside,” she explains, tilting the camera just enough for Ani to see through the back door. “I just didn’t want you to think I’m not around to help if you need it. Which it sounds like you do.”

Through the phone, Ani waves her off. “There’s really nothing you can do, honestly. Now it’s just figuring out seating arrangements and making sure the families are happy. It’s little things, things I remember you hating, but we’re almost done.”

“That was the worst part,” Jess laughs. “I hope we can be there for the wedding.”

“Don’t worry if you can’t,” Ani reassures her, a broad smile on her face. “I will not be the least upset if it means my little niece is here for me to come over and cuddle with whenever I want.”

“That’s fair, but you might have to get in line behind Willow, who has told me that she will hold the baby whenever Justin and I don’t want to,” Jess teases.

Ani laughs, shaking her head. “Something tells me she can be bribed with sweets, and I’m not above using that to my advantage.” Pausing for a moment, Jess watches as Ani walks through the hall, closing the door behind her. “How are you really doing? I know you’re in the last few weeks.”

Jess nods, leaning back against the back of the chair. “I’m terrified about it all, nervous that we’re not ready, and excited to see her little face,” she says, a smile tugging at the corner of her lips. “I feel like that makes me sound crazy, but it’s all sinking in now and it’s like, shit, Justin and I are about to have a newborn to take care of.”

“It doesn’t make you sound crazy,” Ani reassures her, smiling easily. “I’d be fucking terrified if I were you, but you’re going to kill it. And you know the second you guys need any help at all you can just reach out to any of us and we’ll be there in a second. All of us will want to help, you guys just have to say the word.”

The feeling of knowing there’s so many people around them wanting to help is enough to make Jess cry, using the sleeves of her sweatshirt to rub at her eyes. “Thank you,” she mumbles, blowing out a breath. “Now, before you have me sobbing and risk Carter and Willow being traumatized that I’m sitting at our kitchen table having a breakdown, distract me with your wedding frustrations.”

Ani laughs, groaning and falling back onto the bed as she rants about the guest list and seating drama, getting Jess to laugh in no time.

--

In all honesty, the break from Justin was welcomed.

It’s not that Jess didn’t love him - she’d been in love with him for years, since those early days in high school when she wasn’t even sure they were good for each other. But with the due date looming and Justin going into overdrive making preparations and overly preparing for the baby, she thought it was best that they both got a night away from each other.

With Carter hanging out with his friends and Willow occupied by a paint by numbers at the table, Jess takes the time to wash the newborn clothes, add the last of their things to her hospital bag that had been packed and sitting by the door in their bedroom for the last few weeks. Willow had helped with putting the clothes in the washer and pulling them out of the dryer, attempting to fold them as they watched cartoons for the afternoon.

“How much longer until we get to meet her?” she asks, focusing intently on the task of matching the baby socks after her folding attempts didn’t go as well as she was hoping.

Jess smiles, folding and piling the onesies. “Any day now,” she says, looking over at Willow. “Are you excited to meet her?”

“So excited!” she smiles, holding up a pair she successfully matched before tossing them into the pile. “I want to hold her and snuggle with her all the time. And she’s going to look so little in Carter’s arms,” Willow laughs, shaking her head.

Laughing, Jess nods. “She will, won’t she?” she agrees. “I can’t wait to see you hold her. You’re going to be the best, Willow,” she says, folding the last of the onesies. “Why don’t you finish matching those socks, and then we’ll go to the pool.”

Agreeing enthusiastically, Willow nods and finishes matching the rest of the socks, disappearing down the hall to get ready while Jess takes her time putting the baby’s clothes back where they belong.

--

Lainie joins them at the pool, bringing Jess bottles of water and snacks as they lounge in pool chairs by the shallow end, watching Willow splash around with her friends where she can safely stand and Jess can reach her if she needs.

“I’m proud of you for getting out of the house. I’m not sure I left the house at all during my last few weeks of pregnancy. I just leaned into that maternity leave and took advantage.”

“Well, I had Willow matching baby socks this morning. I figured it was time we both got out,” Jess laughs, tying her hair off loosely. “Plus, if we only have a few days or weeks left just the two of us, she deserves to have every special treat and reward she wants. And the pool is her favorite place, so it makes sense to just come here when we have a few hours.”

Leaning back on her lounge chair, Lainie adjusts her sunglasses. “I don’t know how you’re managing this so effortlessly,” she smiles, shaking her head. “You’re a rockstar, Jess, and Matt and I are so proud of you and how you’ve been handling all of this. I know it wasn’t ideal timing, but sometimes it all works out perfectly in the end.”

“I know in the beginning maybe we were a little insane taking on Carter and Willow right after we found out I was pregnant, but this was the best thing that could’ve happened to us,” Jess says. “I think I would’ve been so in my head worrying about something going wrong or things not going okay considering how long it took for us to get pregnant, but they got me out of my head and focused on something else.”

Lainie looks over, smiling fondly. “You’ll understand the pride I feel for you and Justin when you’re a parent to this little girl. I know this hasn’t been easy all the time, and I know the process to get pregnant was even more trying, but you have handled every single trial and hardship with such grace that I wish I could have.”

Jess chews on her lip as the tears prick her eyes, watching as Willow grabs her friend’s hand and jumps into the pool together. “I miss my parents being in Evergreen, but I’m so glad that we still have you and Matt,” she mumbles with a smile. “We couldn’t do this without you guys.”

“You could, but I’m glad we can be here whenever you need us,” Lainie reminds her with a smile, reaching out to hold her hand. “When are your parents arriving?”

“In a few days. They wanted to be here well in advance of the due date, just in case,” Jess smiles, suppressing a sigh. “It’s not that I’m not excited to have them here, because believe me, I am, but we have to factor in seeing them and getting ready for the baby and Carter and Willow’s activities. It’s just a lot to think about for me, even though I know I’ll love having them here.”

“Having parents in town can be exhausting,” Lainie says with a wry smile. “I know you’re worried about it interrupting your routines, but it’ll work itself out. And Matt and I will have them over for dinner to give you a break whenever you need it.”

“Thank you,” Jess says, relieved for a moment, and then turns to look at Lainie. “I’m worried that all of this - the time at the pool, giving Carter and Willow the attention they deserve - is just going to change everything. We worked so hard for this life, to gain their trust and limit their fears and lash outs and worries, and now what? We just start over, or risk them being upset that we have this baby that is definitely going to need more attention than they do?”

Lainie turns to face Jess. “Can I be brutally honest with you?” she asks, waiting for Jess to say yes before continuing. “I think you’re overthinking this.”

Jess laughs. “Justin says the same thing.”

Lainie smiles, squeezing Jess’ hand. “I know that we had Justin enter our lives and become our son in a vastly different circumstance than what this is,” she begins, “but Clay understood that Justin needed our attention and help more than he did at first, just like Carter and Willow understand that a newborn needs more attention than they do right now. There will be growing pains, you know better than anyone that Clay was jealous sometimes, but involve them. Talk to them about helping the baby if they want. I don’t think Carter will be as enthused about that prospect, so spend evenings with him when Willow and the baby are asleep. Take those little moments with him where you can.”

“Yeah, okay,” Jess nods. “I think you’re right, and I am overthinking this. We’re going to figure it out, and it’ll be okay.”

“It will,” Lainie reassures her, leaning back on her chair and laughing as Willow calls for them, jumping off the diving board and swimming to the edge.

--

Eager for a brief reprieve from the fierce video game competition that had broken out in the living room as the rain fell steadily outside, Justin retreats to the screen porch, promising Clay that he just needs a few minutes to himself before he comes inside.

Zach gives him a few minutes, and when he notices from the window that Justin has made no attempts to move, walks out and joins him.

“Charlie and Clay are in a heated game of MarioKart. Clay still has the skills he had when we were kids,” he smiles, sitting down on the chair beside Justin. “What are you doing out here?”

Justin shrugs, staring at the trees just outside the porch as the rain falls gently above them. “Just needed a few minutes. I checked in on Jess and the kids.”

“How are they doing?”

“Fine,” Justin shrugs, sinking back in the chair. “Watching movies, getting ready for the baby. All normal stuff.”

Zach nods. “So then what’s wrong?” he asks, looking at Justin. “If they’re okay, and Clay’s here, so you know he’s okay, what’s bugging you?”

For a moment, Justin doesn’t answer. He briefly thinks about lying, making something up about how he’s exhausted and nervous for the baby to come - which isn’t totally a lie - and then stops himself.

Zach knows him better than anyone else. Zach was the one there when everything felt so uncertain as teenagers - when the days ran together and he wondered if he’d ever have the kind of peaceful life he saw everyone else get to have.

He didn’t have to lie to him.

“I miss being home with them,” he finally answers, staring out at the lake in front of them until it blurs in his vision. “I miss helping with the laundry or playing games with the kids. I miss rainy day movie days and eating junk all day and having Willow feel safe enough to curl up with me. And I know it’s only been a day, but god, Zach, it feels like it’s been a lifetime.”

“You’ve gone soft on me,” Zach says, but when Justin turns to look at him he’s smiling, his eyes crinkled. “It’s a good look on you. And I think all of that shows how much you’ve grown up. You miss the little things.”

Justin laughs. “Yeah, but I feel pathetic. It’s one fucking night, it’s not like I’m missing anything important.”

“It’s important to you,” Zach says simply. The way he says it - so matter of fact, so easily - puts it into perspective for Justin.

Ten years ago, this night away from home would’ve been welcomed. He would’ve loved the moment, fought harder for the control to beat Clay at every single video game just because it was fun to annoy him, and walk away feeling full that he’d gotten through a night away sober - a feat he hadn’t been able to do just a few years prior.

Now he finds himself counting down the hours until they pack up and leave in the morning, where he hopes it’ll still be cool and drizzling rain and they can recreate this day again tomorrow, only with him there.

“Look, we don’t have much longer here, and we all want to celebrate with you becoming a dad,” Zach says. “It’s one night, and tomorrow morning you’ll be back with them and everything will be okay.”

Zach stands before Justin talks his way into a maze of an argument in reply, patting him on the shoulder and slipping back inside.

Behind him, Justin can hear the heated argument of a fight between Tyler and Zach for the next game, everyone laughing. When he turns, he can see his brother’s bright smile and Tony shaking his head in amusement, and he realizes that the one thing he always wished he’d be able to do is what he’s missing out on right now.

So, as he stands and watches as the rain comes down harder and the fog appears beneath the trees, Justin decides he’s going to enjoy a weekend with his best friends, celebrating the fact that he’s weeks away from having his first child, and knowing that Carter, Willow and Jess are all safely tucked away at home preparing for the baby’s arrival in their own way.

It’s what his teenage self couldn’t have even dreamed of.

--

Despite her worries of juggling everything along with her parents being in town, Jess and Justin welcomed her parents excitedly, inviting them from the house they were renting to their house for dinner, giving them an opportunity to see Carter and Willow and how much they’ve grown over the last few months.

“We get to see our dad every week, and it’s so much fun! Now we go to the park,” Willow talks excitedly over dinner, leaning back when Justin reaches over to help her cut her food so she doesn’t hurt herself.

“And how do you like the visits, Carter?” Greg asks, ignoring his daughter’s cautious glare in favor of smiling kindly at Carter, who shifts in his seat.

“They’ve been nice,” he says after a moment, apprehensiveness laced through his words.

Justin braces himself, ready to step in on behalf of Carter if it gets too pressing or it’s clear he’s uncomfortable, but thankfully Greg leans back and nods, reaching for his glass of wine.

“I’m glad to hear that he’s making progress. It must be a comfort to you both to know that he’s doing so well,” he says easily, smiling.

Carter just nods, pushing his vegetables around the plate, and Justin takes the moment to spin the conversation to talk about the baby and their impending promotion to grandparents, thankful when they take the bait.

--

“You’ve done such a nice job in here, sweetheart,” Noelle smiles as they fold the last of the baby clothes, looking around the nursery. “I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be here and help with anything. I feel like we’ve missed so much with this pregnancy, and it was your first.”

Jess smiles, walking back towards the dresser. “It’s okay. You guys have your life up in Seattle. I would’ve felt horrible if you uprooted your life just to sit here and watch me become huge.”

Laughing, Noelle holds up the onesie in her hand. “I just can’t believe my baby is going to have a baby any day now. I know how much you've wanted this, and I know that it’s coming at a hectic time. Do you want to talk about it?”

Shrugging, Jess slides another onesie into the drawer. “There isn’t much to talk about. We’re just taking it day by day, figuring it out as we go, and there’s no sense in worrying about it.”

“How do Carter and Willow feel about it?”

“Willow is over the moon excited,” Jess smiles, smoothing her hand over the blanket she’d draped on the chair. “She can’t wait to hold her and spend time with her.”

Smiling, Noelle glances over. “And Carter?”

Jess hesitates. “He’s a sixteen year old boy who pretty much had to raise his little sister on his own,” she sighs. “He’s happy for us, and we make it overly clear that us having this baby doesn’t mean we love them any less, but I also think he’s just not as interested because he’s a teenage boy.”

Noelle nods, allowing the quiet moment to pass between them. Jess watches her, noticing her stop and start her question many times, and then glance back at the door to make sure no one was coming. “Do you regret going through with the fostering? After all these months, the delays when their dad needed more time, the hardships and struggles you’ve had to go through,” she rambles, “do you wish you had just put this dream on hold and focused solely on your pregnancy?”

“Not for a million years,” Jess says without hesitation. “Things would’ve been easier without them, we probably would’ve cherished this pregnancy more than we did, but both of them needed us. We got to give them a stable home, a chance to be kids and not have to worry about anything else, and that is way more important than me getting to focus on feeling the baby’s first kicks or enjoying the process of being pregnant after we tried so long.”

For a while, Noelle doesn’t say anything. Jess has long known that her parents didn’t necessarily agree with her and Justin’s decision to continue with long-term foster care during her pregnancy, but that didn’t matter to Jess.

“As long as you’re all happy,” Noelle finally says, and Jess just nods and reassures her that they are happy, more than they’ve ever been before, and bites her tongue before she blows the conversation out of proportion.

--

Jess had been feeling some contractions.

Not enough to worry everyone, but enough that she called her doctor, who reassured her that they most likely weren’t active labor yet, but to come in if they got more frequent or worse.

So she kept the update to herself, figured that Justin didn’t need to know and lose sleep over this, and suggested they have a family movie night in case it really was one of the final nights just the four of them.

“I’ll stay if we don’t watch another Disney princess movie,” Carter warns with a smile, grateful when Justin agrees and they settle on a different animated movie instead, Willow curling up against Jess and resting her hand on her bump.

Jess savored those few hours, grateful that they got to have them at all as she breathed slowly through the uneven contractions, her fingers tangled in Willow’s hair, brushing through the curls slowly as Willow drifted off beneath her touch.

As the movie ends, Jess lets Justin move it back to the normal TV and savors the few minutes of Willow asleep against her before Justin walks over, carefully moving her so he can pick her up. Whining, Willow settles against his shoulder, sighing.

“Bedtime, kiddo. Wave goodnight to everyone,” Justin says softly, smiling when Willow lifts her hand to lazily waves, and disappears down the hallway and upstairs.

Carter helps with putting blankets away and taking the cups and bowls into the kitchen, Jess following slowly behind.

“I heard you and your mom talking earlier today,” Carter says, voice quick and sweeping. He walks over to the sink, turning the tap on and beginning to load the dishwasher without turning around. “And I know I shouldn’t have listened to your conversation, but I was walking by and I just… I don’t know. I couldn’t stop myself from listening. Did you…”

He stops, takes a breath, and hovers the bowl over the top rack of the dishwasher. “Did you mean what you said? That you don’t regret fostering us and keeping us with you even through everything?”

Relieved that it wasn’t anything more serious, Jess walks over. She hesitates, making sure that Carter is aware she’s just beside him, and then reaches out to rub his back. “I meant every single word,” she assures him with a smile. “Saying yes to Justin’s crazy idea of continuing with the foster placement instead of putting it on hold even after I found out I was pregnant is the best decision I ever made because it gave us you two.”

“I know this hasn’t always been easy, Carter,” she continues, leaning back against the counter as he finishes loading the dishwasher. “I know that we’ve gone through a lot and there have been some setbacks and some hard moments. But I hope in between those moments you felt how much we love you and you got to just be a kid who didn’t have to worry about the house or taking care of his sister.”

Carter reaches forward, chewing on his lip as he shuts the water off. He pauses, turning to Jess. “I got to be more of a kid here than I’ve gotten to be in years,” he says quietly, voice shaking. “And I… I never felt like I had to do something to earn yours and Justin’s love. I mean, you barely knew us, I was a dick in the beginning, and you still were so patient and loved us and let us figure things out. I didn’t… we didn’t deserve that.”

“You did,” Jess smiles, eyes welling with tears. “You’ve always deserved that, Carter. And I’m so sorry that you were never afforded that time as a kid to just figure things out or god, even just be a dick, but I’m glad we could give that to you.”

Carter laughs, rubbing at his eyes with the sleeves of his sweatshirt, and then leans forward to hug her. “Thank you for giving me that.”

Jess doesn’t know what to say to his sentiment. Instead she just holds on tighter, rubbing his back broadly, and lets her tears fall without bothering to push them away.

--

It’s not that finding sleep difficult is new to Jess.

She’d been battling it off and on for the last few weeks, often finding herself walking around downstairs or sitting in the nursery trying to lull herself back to sleep while Justin slept peacefully on his side of the bed.

But tonight felt different. With the contractions happening nearly consistently, although not close enough together that she felt they had to worry, her restlessness had seemed to peak.

She stands up, walking around their bedroom for a while. The glow of the moon casts through their windows as she focuses on her breathing, pausing as another contraction hits.

“I really need this to be real,” she whispers, rubbing her bump slowly before continuing walking, making her way towards their bathroom.

It’s not that she’s hopeful that her willingness to have this be actual labor could come true, but as she goes to the bathroom and then spends five minutes pacing along the cool tile floor following a contraction that felt closer and stronger than any other had, she makes an impulse decision.

Finding the strength to walk back to the bathroom, Jess shakes Justin until he stirs awake, blinking blearily as she hovers above him.

“I need you to get up and try not to freak out,” she says, a mixture of nervousness and excitement behind her words. “But I think I’m in labor.”

Chapter Text

It was active labor, they came to find after 15 minutes in the emergency room and a swift transfer up to the labor and delivery ward.

Jess managed to remain calm at home while Justin frantically packed and called Clay with rushed words and incoherent thoughts. She spent her time writing out notes for both Carter and Willow, folding them up and leaving them at their spots at the island. She distracts herself from the nervousness that she’s feeling about it finally being time, sends a quick text to her parents, Justin’s parents, and their friend group chat to let them know and promises to give more updates, and then holds Justin’s hand the entire way to the hospital.

By the time they’re settled in their room and Justin’s more alert than he has been all morning, all Jess can think about is what the next hours are going to bring.

“I can’t believe today is the day,” Justin says, crossing the hospital room to look out the window at the orange sky as the sun begins to rise. “We’re going to have a baby today, Jess.”

“We are,” Jess hums, a lazy smile crossing her face. She breathes through a contraction, watching Justin stare out the window.

He managed to pull on sweatpants and a sweatshirt, but her declaration that she was in labor left him scrambled, his curls flying in every direction and his beard left unshaved. He rambled the entire car ride, mumbling about how they spent so much time preparing for the baby and Jess if she went into labor in the middle of the night that he hadn’t even thought about himself, and all Jess could do was laugh and squeeze his hand, promising that it was okay and they’d be fine.

Now, as he walks back over to sit beside her, there’s this excitement behind his eyes, one Jess doesn’t remember seeing for a long time. “How is this already here?”

“I have no idea,” Jess laughs, reaching out to take his hand. “But I’m so excited to meet her.”

“I’ve never been more excited to meet someone in my entire life,” Justin smiles, leaning forward to kiss her.

--

After the initial shock Carter and Willow had when they came downstairs to find Clay in the kitchen instead of Justin, the three managed to eat breakfast and plan their day, deciding to meet Naomi and Hudson at the park later that afternoon.

Carter had agreed, but hung back in the doorway after Willow raced down the hall to get ready. “Things are going okay with Jess, right?” he asks, shoving his hands into the pockets of his gym shorts. “I mean, I was going to text Justin, but I don’t want to distract him. Jess probably needs him more.”

Clay smiles. “You can text him if you want, Carter,” he reassures him. “Things are going well, and Justin might appreciate the distraction. He just may not answer as quickly as he normally does.”

“Yeah, okay,” he nods, taking a step back. “I’m um, I’m going to go get ready. My friends are going to meet me at the basketball court at the park, so if you need anything with Willow I’ll still be there.”

“Okay,” Clay nods. “But Naomi and I will be able to take care of her if you just want to hang out with them. You don’t need to worry about Willow.”

Carter runs his fingers through his hair, nodding. “No, I know,” he says, hovering in the doorway. “I’m just saying, in case you need anything.”

Thanking him quietly, Clay waves him off to go get ready, cleaning up the kitchen and checking in with Justin, who texts back almost immediately.

Did you feel like a dick during labor? I mean I’m holding her hand and talking her through things but I feel like it’s not enough?

Clay smiles as he types out a reply.

Yeah, it feels wrong that they’re doing all the work and you just get to sit there. Just be there for her. That’s all you can really do.

“Clay, do you know how to do hair?”

Willow’s voice cuts through the room as she walks back in with her brush, staring up at Clay. “I just need a ponytail so my hair doesn’t fall in my eyes when we’re playing.”

Hesitating, Clay nods and reaches out, taking the hair tie from Willow and standing behind her. “It’s not going to be that good, Willow, but I’ll do my best. Naomi can fix it when we get to the park.”

“Okay,” Willow nods. “It’s okay if it’s not very good. Justin isn’t that good at it either.”

Laughing, Clay concentrates and pulls Willow’s hair up into the best ponytail he can manage, brushing through it before sending her to check it in the mirror.

“It looks really good!” she exclaims, running down the hall to grab her shoes and pull them on.

Clay pulls out his phone, texting Justin quickly as they finish getting ready.

I hate to admit this, but I have to give you props for being able to do Willow’s hair. I did it, but Naomi is going to have to redo it when we get to the park. She definitely gave me the pity compliment when she told me it looked really good.

Justin texts back a moment later.

Being able to pull long hair into any style is an art form that took me forever to master. She definitely gave the pity compliment so your feelings weren’t hurt. Don’t watch Naomi fix it. It’ll just piss you off when she makes it look easy.

--

“They’re all going to the park for the afternoon. Carter is hanging out with his friends, and Naomi is bringing Hudson, so Willow will be tired out,” Justin says, pulling the chair closer and reaching forward to take Jess’ hand.

“So everyone is okay?” she asks, humming quietly as she breathes through the contractions, squeezing Justin’s hand. “I’m glad they're getting them out of the house. I worried Willow would use her charm to watch movies all day, and we both know Clay would’ve given in.”

Justin laughs. “They’re all fine. I figured Clay and Naomi would use the opportunity to wear Hudson out,” he says quietly. “But at least they’re both out of the house. Carter texted that Willow was having fun with Clay, and he’s hanging out with his friends at the basketball court so he’s nearby if they need something. We can just focus on having this baby.”

“Which better be soon,” she mumbles, blowing out a breath.

“It will be,” Justin reassures her, leaning forward to kiss her forehead. “Not much longer until she’s here,” he whispers, squeezing her hand.

Jess nods, pressing her head against his, and the two of them do their best to live in each passing moment, anxiously awaiting the arrival of their little girl and their lives changing.

--

Walking across the playground after making sure Willow and Hudson were okay, Naomi joins Clay on the bench underneath the large oak tree.

“Can you believe Jess is in labor?” she asks idly, pressing her foot against her husband’s. “I mean, I feel like we’ve been waiting for this day for so long. And I know they’re technically already parents, but it’s hard to imagine them having a little one of their own.”

“The thought of Justin being responsible for a newborn that’s his own is kind of terrifying, but at the same time, I kind of think he’s going to be the most amazing dad,” Clay smiles. “He never really grew up, so I feel like the little things that stressed me out won’t even phase him. It’ll probably be an advantage.”

Beside him, Naomi laughs. “You stressed out about everything that normal parents stress out over,” she reminds him, reaching over and taking his hand. “Just because Justin doesn’t stress out about the same things doesn’t mean that he’s going to be a better dad than you. You are both amazing dads, and I’m glad that Justin and Jess get to experience that newborn baby life. They’re going to love it, even if it is exhausting and I felt like we were zombies.”

They watch as Hudson and Willow chase kids across the playground, climbing the play structure and sliding down the slides together. “It’s crazy to think about where Justin, Jess, and I came from,” he mumbles. “I mean, I’m sitting here watching our son run around the playground while my brother and his wife are in the hospital having a baby. We wouldn’t… this didn’t feel possible when we were kids.”

“I’m glad it became your reality,” Naomi mumbles, leaning over to kiss his cheek. “It’s the least of what you all deserved.”

She leans her head on his shoulder as Willow and Hudson weave between the older kids and continue to play on the playground, laughing and teasing each other underneath the bright sun.

--

Following ice cream in the backyard and Naomi’s insistence that Willow and Hudson have quiet time reading with her upstairs, Clay takes the opportunity to clean the downstairs for Jess and Justin, Carter returning from his shower and helping.

“Can I ask you something?” Carter asks abruptly, pushing his hair back away from his face as he picks up a stray blanket and folds it clumsily, tossing it back into the basket.

Clay glances up from where he’d been cleaning the coffee table, smiling. “Of course. What’s on your mind?”

Carter flops back against the sofa. “Why did your family adopt Justin?” he asks, staring at his hands. “I know his mom wasn’t great, and he told me that he was homeless, but like. He wasn’t in CPS right? Or foster care? So what made you guys want to adopt him? I mean, I didn’t even know you could do that if he wasn’t taken from his mom.”

Clay leans back, sighing. “I’m going to be honest with you because I know Justin is honest with you and what his life was like,” he says, looking back at Carter, who nods earnestly. “I didn’t want to adopt Justin at first, and getting him off the streets was purely for selfish reasons because of something that was going on at our school. I knew he had information, I knew he could help, and I was willing to do anything to make sure he was there to help.”

“What changed your mind? About making him your brother?”

“My parents wanted to adopt him,” Clay says after a moment, dancing around the smaller details he isn’t sure Justin would’ve shared. “They left it up to me, and I thought about it for a while. It wasn’t a secret that Justin’s home life wasn’t good. He was doing so well living with us, he was getting better and felt better, and I thought that it was a good idea the more I thought about it. The bonus was the fact that I got a brother.”

Carter laughs. “Do you ever regret agreeing with your parents' suggestion to adopt him?”

“Never once,” Clay replies immediately. “I mean, maybe when he was stealing my space and left his side of the room a complete mess, but never seriously, and never for long.”

Nodding, Carter folds his hands together and blows out a breath.

“Carter, just because Justin’s mom never really got better and he got adopted doesn’t mean that your dad hasn’t made amazing strides. He’s able to be your parent now, Justin will make sure of that, and that’s a whole lot more than what Justin ever had.”

“Sometimes I’m jealous of how it worked out for Justin,” Carter admits, voice just above a whisper. “He didn’t have to deal with the back and forth of his dad getting better and doing worse and then working harder to be better again. His mom was just… she was gone. And I know I can’t say this to him, and I’m not trying to like, make his experience feel like it was any less traumatic than ours is or has been, I just… I’m scared that mine will just go back to how it was and we’ll have to start all over again with foster care and being separated from him. At least he got out.”

For a moment, Clay doesn’t know what to say. He understands Carter’s frustration, remembers those nights where Justin thought he wasn’t worthy of his family’s love more often than not, but he’s not as close with Carter, and the last thing he wants to do is step on anyone’s toes.

“Justin had to go through a lot to get to where he is today,” he says carefully, dropping the dust rag beside him. “He’s doing well now, yes, but there was a whole lot of trauma and CPS calls to get to this point. And I know he’s shared a lot with you, but there’s a lot he hasn’t, either.”

“Carter, all Justin wants to do is help you,” Clay continues, feeling much more like he’s rambling than being of any help. “If anything happens, or if you feel even the slightest bit uncomfortable with your dad, you need to tell him. If you can’t get in touch with him, then you need to tell your social worker. Justin and Jess will drop everything to help you, but not if they don’t know what’s wrong.”

Nodding, Carter sighs. “I’m going to keep in touch with them, and I’ll speak up now that we know we have people who will step in,” he promises quietly. “Before this happened, no one cared to step in. There was no point in me telling anything to anyone because it didn’t matter. It’s not like anything happened before.”

“That stops now,” Clay promises. “From now on, you reach out to us and tell us you need help or things aren’t right, and we will be there. Especially Jess and Justin.”

Nodding, Carter thanks him quietly and stands, returning to fix the blankets and move his school things upstairs to his bedroom.

The conversation replayed in Clay’s mind for the rest of the afternoon, hoping that what he said comforted Carter in whatever way he needed.

--

Justin remembers the day they officially celebrated his adoption. He remembers the relief that flowed through him as soon as it was verified, the love he felt from Matt, Lainie and Clay as they celebrated with hugs and cheers in the small courtroom. He remembers feeling safe for the first time in his life, love like he’s never had before, and wanting to bottle that moment up to savor for the rest of his life.

That moment doesn’t compare to watching his wife give birth and the first time he hears his daughter’s cry fill the room, tears falling from his own eyes as the nurses place their daughter on Jess’ chest, both of them staring at her face as the team works around them.

“Oh my god, she’s here,” Jess whispers, leaning up to kiss him as she presses her hand to her daughter’s back, rubbing slowly. She blows out a breath, closing her eyes before leaning forward to look at her again.

“You did it,” Justin whispers, kissing her forehead as he stares at their daughter. “Holy shit, she’s gorgeous,” he laughs, pushing the tears away with the pad of his thumb.

For a while, Justin wishes he could make time stop. It takes a little bit, nurses and doctors checking in on them and making sure everyone is okay before they leave them be for a while, but Justin basks in the quiet of their hospital room and sits back beside Jess’ bed, staring at his daughter’s face until the sight of her blurs beneath his tears.

“You haven’t held her yet,” Jess says quietly, smiling lazily as she holds her to her chest. “Can you get her? You need to hold your daughter.”

Nodding, Justin stands and slowly pulls their daughter from Jess’ chest, leaning back slowly in the chair. Their baby fusses and then settles in his arms, and somehow Justin finds himself getting more emotional, biting his lip as he tries not to cry again.

“I’ve been thinking about her name,” Jess begins, adjusting slowly in the bed as she watches Justin relax slowly against the chair. “What do you think about Pippa?”

Staring down at her face, Justin brushes his finger across her cheek. “I think I like it better than giving her a formal name and making that her nickname,” he admits, smiling. “What do you think, Pippa? You like that name?”

His daughter squirms in his arms, scrunching up her face before settling. “I’m going to take that as you liked it,” Justin laughs, leaning down to kiss her head. “Hi Pippa, you have no idea how long we waited to meet you.”

“Come here,” Jess whispers, moving slowly over in the bed, leaving just enough room for Justin to squeeze in. He stands, carefully handing Pippa back to Jess, and climbs in beside her, reaching over to brush his fingers just along the edge of her hat. “Your daddy and I are so happy you’re here,” Jess whispers, resting against Justin’s side as the two of them savor the first quiet moments as a family of three, feeling happier than they could have ever imagined.

--

The excitement was just as thrilling at home as Clay shows photos of Pippa to Willow and Carter, Willow jumping around excitedly.

“I can’t wait to meet her!” she says, smiling as she runs over to look at the pictures again. “She’s so tiny,” Willow whispers. “And she’s so cute! Isn’t she, Carter?”

“She is,” Carter agrees, looking at the photo before turning back to finish his homework. “But Wills, you can’t be this excited tomorrow, it may scare her.”

Toning it down, Willow nods and pulls herself back up to sit at the table, looking at the pictures Justin’s been sending to Clay quietly, commenting on her little features and how excited she was to be able to meet her and hold her when they got home.

--

Naomi packs a bag for her and Hudson when Jess and Justin ask to have the night to themselves, arriving at their house with Hudson squeezing past Clay to play with Willow in the living room.

“I know you’re fine being here with them, but it’s more fun to let Willow and Hudson have a sleepover, and they can make cute signs to hang up for them when they get home tomorrow,” she smiles, setting their things down by the front door.

Clay kisses her, relieved, and pulls back. “This is why you’re the much more creative parent,” he says, earning a laugh from Naomi as she pulls out the craft supplies, spreading it across the table.

“Jess and Justin are going to bring Pippa home in the morning, so what do you guys think about making some signs we can hang up for them to see when they get home?” Naomi asks, handing the markers to Hudson and Willow.

“Can you help me spell Pippa?” Willow asks, coloring in markers around the posterboard, the two of them decorating with stickers and drawings.

“They’re going to love it,” Willow whispers to herself as they hang one on the door and the other in the living room, Clay smiling as he sets her back down on the ground and watches her run towards the kitchen to help Naomi finish dinner.

--

Jess and Justin decide to wait until they leave the hospital the following day for everyone to visit her. Justin had sent around photos and announced her name, promising that everyone was doing well, but they just wanted some time as a family of three. Clay immediately agreed, he and Naomi spending the night at Jess and Justin’s house, Willow and Hudson over the moon about their impromptu sleepover, while their parents expressed their excitement and understanding of wanting to wait.

Standing in the hospital room waiting for Jess to be ready, Justin stands in front of the car seat and adjusts Pippa’s hat, smiling. “You’re going home today! And you’re going to get to meet your grandparents and your aunt and uncle and cousin and Carter and Willow, and it’s going to be absolute chaos,” he smiles, adjusting the straps carefully. “But you’re going to be so loved, Pippa, I hope you know that.”

“Warning her about what she’s about to be greeted by?” Jess asks, walking slowly over to the bed and sitting back down. “Willow is going to be over the moon excited. I’m expecting I’ll get her back to feed her, otherwise Willow will want her all day.”

“I don’t think you’re that far off,” Justin admits, kissing Jess. “I can’t believe she’s here.”

Jess smiles, packing up the last of their things. “It’s insane. All that waiting, all those years of trying and failing and having to try again, and just like that, she’s here.”

She waits for the nurses to give them the okay before they finally leave, Justin taking his time placing Pippa in the backseat, triple checking that she’s strapped in tightly while Jess settles in the front seat of the car.

He drives at a snail's pace, Pippa sleeping quietly in her seat behind him, and Jess reaches over to hold his arm, laughing. “Justin, you’re not going to hurt her driving the speed limit. Please drive normally,” she smiles, laughing harder when Justin briefly looks panicked.

“She’s literally asleep. What if I hit a bump in the road and she wakes up?” he asks, glancing at Jess as she shakes her head with a smile.

“Then she wakes up. We’re almost home, she’ll be okay.”

Reluctantly, Justin agrees, picking up just to drive the speed limit, still mindful of any bumps in the road or anything that may jostle Pippa and wake her up as Jess continues to tease him, her smile bright as she looks back in the back seat.

--

Jess had spent weeks thinking about what the first meeting between their families and their little girl would be like. She thought about arriving home, Willow bouncing excitedly by the front door and immediately begging to hold the baby. She envisioned Carter taking a turn, their little girl tucked safely in his arms. She pictured Matt and Lainie taking their turn to meet their first granddaughter, and her parents being overjoyed to become grandparents for the first time.

She didn’t envision the poster hanging on the front door welcoming them home, or the makeshift banners hanging in the living room. She didn’t think about Willow wearing her fancy dress at her insistence, jumping in front of the door as Jess followed Justin inside.

She didn’t think about how emotional it would make her, watching from afar as Justin sets the car seat down and carefully pulls Pippa out, sitting down on the sofa as Willow scrambles up beside him. Her mom hugs her tightly, kissing her head and reminding her how proud she was of her.

“Her name is Pippa, like the book,” Willow marvels, leaning against Justin’s shoulder to peer at Pippa’s face, pressing her cheek against Justin’s. “Ooh, she’s so cute!”

“She is cute, isn’t she?” Justin laughs, looking up at Willow. “Do you want to hold her?”

“Yeah!” Willow says excitedly, apologizing when Pippa stirs in Justin’s arms as Willow moves to sit back on the sofa.

Lainie steps in, placing pillows around Willow as Justin situates Pippa in her arms, smiling when Willow laughs excitedly.

“Look how tiny she is in your arms,” Justin smiles, leaning back against the cushions.

“She’s so cute,” Willow whispers, kissing her forehead. “Hi, Pippa! I’m Willow,” she smiles, using her free hand to rub against Pippa’s, smiling. “She’s trying to hold my hand!”

“She is, isn’t she,” Justin smiles, readjusting the pillows slowly.

After a few minutes, Carter moves his way in, sitting down beside his sister. “Hey Wills, we have to give other people a turn to hold her. Her grandparents and aunt and uncle are here, too,” he says quietly, refusing to look at Justin when he realizes Justin is going to insist that Willow is fine.

Willow looks up at Carter, nodding. “Do you want to hold her, Carter?” she asks, ignoring Carter’s reminder of the family members waiting to meet her. “She just sleeps, and she’s so little!”

Jess steps forward, ready to step in and save Carter from doing something he doesn’t want to do. But Carter doesn’t hesitate, smiling as he looks at Justin. “If it’s okay, then sure,” he nods.

“Of course it’s okay,” Justin assures him, reaching to take Pippa from Willow’s arms, carefully placing her in Carter’s. “You don’t have to hold her for long if you don’t want to,” he says quietly, watching Carter nod as he leans back, looking down at Pippa in his arms.

Justin stands and lets Jess sit, walking back to where Matt, Lainie and Clay had been standing, hugging them all.

“You’re a dad,” Clay mumbles, squeezing Justin a little tighter. “Kind of hard to believe, but I’m happy for you. And really, really proud of you. I hope you know that.”

Justin just nods, pressing his cheek to his brother’s shoulder before pulling away. “Thanks, man,” he says, laughing when Lainie dabs at the corner of her eyes with a tissue.

“I can’t believe she’s here, and she’s cute,” Clay smirks, laughing. “But she does look like Jess, so that helps.”

“She has bits of Justin in her,” Lainie smiles, reaching to rub his back. “We are so proud of you two, love. She’s gorgeous.”

“I’m sure it’s nice to see Carter wanting to be involved, too,” Matt says, watching as Jess takes the baby from Carter’s arms and gives her to her mom. “You just have to let us know if all of us here is too overwhelming.”

“It’s nice to have you all here for a little while,” Justin assures them. “I mean, we invited you guys. We wanted you guys to all be able to meet her at once, and then tonight we’ll settle in.” He looks back, watching Carter pull Willow onto his lap so she can see Pippa better in Noelle’s arms. “We want Carter to be involved as much as he’s comfortable, but it was nice to see him want to hold her and seem excited about her being here.”

“It’ll work out,” Lainie assures him, reaching out to rub his arm soothingly.

They spend the afternoon allowing the family to hold Pippa, ordering pizza and reveling in the family time, Jess and Justin grateful to have the support system around them that they could’ve only dreamed of.

Chapter Text

The first few weeks are a blur.

Jess and Justin barely remember anything, feeling as if they’re running on autopilot. Jess offers to take most nights, insisting that she’s fine and she’s the one who has off right now anyway, as long as Justin can manage school mornings.

Justin still gets up with her in the middle of the night, his guilt kicking in, and then works through the exhaustion in the morning to successfully get Carter and Willow off to school. He takes advantage of piling up his time off and using it all to be at home, naps without regrets in the living room with Pippa sleeping soundly on his chest, and leans into the offers from Jess’ parents and Matt and Lainie to help out whenever they need it.

Willow holds Pippa any possible second she can, rushing home from school and dropping her backpack at the front door, yelling promises that she’ll sit down and do her homework after she sees Pippa. Jess always sets them up on the couch, positions Pippa carefully in Willow’s arms with pillows surrounding them, and listens to her tell her all about school and what she learned that day, reminding her that she’s going to learn everything when she’s older, too.

“Maybe when you’re bigger we can read books! And I can teach you everything, Pippa, and you can be as smart as me,” she rambles one afternoon, pushing her hair back from her face and laughing as Pippa scrunches her nose. “I don’t think she wants to learn everything, Jess,” she says, leaning down to kiss Pippa’s head.

“She will when she’s older. She’s going to be so lucky to learn from you, Wills,” Jess smiles, swallowing down the worry that Willow won’t be allowed to be in her life once back with her dad in favor of the blinding optimism to match Willow’s.

--

When Jess’ parents plan to spend their last morning in Evergreen at their house, both Jess and Justin are more than happy to welcome the help.

“I’m so sad we have to leave this today,” her mom sighs, leaning back against the sofa as she holds Pippa close to her. “We’re going to have to FaceTime all the time, and I’ll have to get back down here soon before she gets so big without us around.”

“You can come whenever you want,” Jess smiles, sinking down on the sofa next to her parents. “But we’ll FaceTime you whenever you want, and I’ll make sure we send you a million pictures of her so it feels like you’re not missing that much.”

She watches as her dad carefully takes his granddaughter in her arms, holding her closely against his chest. “It’s still so crazy to me that my little girl is a mom, and this is our granddaughter,” he laughs, staring at her face. “We’ll have to come back as soon as possible, I don’t want to miss too much of this. Them being this little goes so fast.”

“I know,” Jess nods. “She’s only a few weeks old and I feel like I can already see her losing her newborn features. I’m not ready for how quickly this is going to go, I already miss those first few weeks.”

Noelle smiles, hugging her. “You’ll love all the stages the first year brings, though. It’s all fun, sweetheart, and your dad and I will get down here as often as we can to come see her and help you however you need it,” she assures her. “And when she’s older and things are a little more settled, you’ll have to come up to Seattle and show her around.”

“We will definitely be bringing her to Seattle,” Justin smiles. “I’m guessing it’ll be her first big trip she goes on, and she’s going to love it.”

“We’ll make sure she sees it all, even if she won’t remember it,” Noelle smiles, allowing her husband a few more minutes before taking her granddaughter back in her arms, soaking in the last few moments together.

--

Justin’s slammed back down to reality the moment he stands in the park down the street from their house to drop Carter and Willow off for visitation, Melanie asking if he can hang back today for a few minutes, acknowledging that he did have to get home for Jess. He’d been living in a baby bliss, fully aware of the bubble and how life would eventually come down from the high, but felt blindsided by her request despite it being a few weeks in to juggling all three kids.

Because as he stands at the entrance to the park with Melanie as Carter and Willow walk with their dad, she clears her throat and turns to him, and Justin recognizes the expression on her face without her ever having to say anything.

“Obviously, there’s some steps hinging on how this visitation goes today, but it’s time we start exploring longer and more frequent visitations, and the process to reunification.”

Normally, delivering this news is met with mixed emotions. Justin’s practiced on the other end, trained to expect any sort of reaction. Usually it’s a mixture of nerves and relief, foster parents expressing that they agree as long as they can guarantee their foster children will be safe and taken care of.

Today, he’s met with the nerves pooling at the bottom of his stomach, his brain racing as to how he’s going to tell Jess, finding himself wishing that she were there with him.

“I think it’s worth you, Jess, and myself having a sit-down conversation about what that will look like. I know you guys are still in the newborn bubble, but if we could just meet for an hour, iron out the details, it won’t feel so daunting.”

Justin’s mouth feels as if there’s cotton dried in it. He swallows roughly, sinking his teeth into his bottom lip, and nods. “Yeah, sure,” he nods, clearing his throat as he shoves his hands into his pockets. “We can meet any time you have a free moment. I’ll look at your calendar and schedule something,” he promises.

Melanie nods, smiling kindly, and reminds him to be back at the park in an hour and a half as she pats his shoulder gently and retreats to her car, leaving Justin standing there with a million thoughts running through his mind, and none of them able to be answered.

--

Justin spends the walk home brainstorming what to say to Jess when he gets there, only to find that Charlie and Alex have stopped by, Pippa nestled carefully in Charlie’s arms in the living room.

“You two practicing for when you’re parents?” he asks with a smile, toeing off his shoes at the front door.

Charlie looks up, shaking his head. “Dude, I knew babies were little, but I didn’t think she’d be this little.”

“Charlie’s having a hard time understanding that she’s only a few weeks old, and if she were any bigger probably would have broken Jess,” Alex offers, earning a laugh from Justin.

“Holding her suits you,” Justin shrugs. “I’m just not sure if the sleepless nights would. Might mess up your looks by adding dark circles under your eyes.”

Charlie rolls his eyes, blushing. “I mean, it’d be worth it to be sleep deprived if it meant getting to stay up with her,” he shrugs. “Who knew your kid could be so cute?”

“I’m choosing not to take offense to that,” Justin smirks, sitting down. “Does this make you feel any more comfortable about becoming dads?”

Alex stares at Pippa for a moment, shrugging. “I think so,” he admits, watching as Charlie shifts her in his arms slowly. “I mean, I don’t really think we’ll ever be ready, but I feel a lot more comfortable about things than I did, and that feels like a big step.”

“It gets easier the more you just do it,” Jess promises. “I’m not as scared as we were the first few nights.”

“It also helps that we won’t be the first in our group to have a kid. Lots of friends to reach out to when we feel like we fucked it up,” Charlie laughs. “I assume we can reach out to you if we need anything?”

Justin smiles. “As long as it doesn’t mean you guys are calling us in the middle of the night, then yes. Because I swear if we get into a sleep routine and we get our nights somewhat back only to have you guys interrupt that, we might just have to end the friendship right then and there,” Justin says. “I really do think you two will be able to handle it, though. It just takes some practice, and we both know that your parents will want to help, too.”

Glancing towards Alex, Justin smiles. “Are you going to hold her? Or did I miss that main event?”

Rolling his eyes, Alex shrugs. “I figured Charlie could take the spotlight. I’ll hold her another time.”

“You should hold her now,” Charlie insists, gently extending Pippa towards Alex as he carefully lays him in his arms. “Who knew you would look so good with a baby in your arms?”

“I’m a firm believer that everyone looks better with a baby in their arms,” Jess smiles.

“I’d prefer that we don’t talk about how hot people look with babies when they’re holding my kid,” Justin smirks. “No offense, Alex. You do look like a natural with her.”

Alex laughs, staring down at Pippa. “Well thanks, but I definitely don’t feel like a natural.”

“It’ll come with time,” Jess reassures him. “And until you guys have a kid of your own, you can get all the practice you need with Pippa. She’ll be lucky to have her uncles come take care of her for a little while and get away from her weirdo parents all the time.”

Charlie and Alex both laugh, soaking in the time with Pippa and Jess and Justin, and Justin pushes back down his million concerns and news about increased visitations until he can get Jess alone and in the right mindframe to deal with it in a similar way he had.

--

After Pippa was successfully put down for a nap and Alex and Charlie had left, Justin knows there’s only a fraction of time for him to talk about the visitation before he has to leave again.

So, as Jess makes her way around the kitchen, putting things away and cleaning up, Justin swallows his nerves, blows out a breath, and busies himself by helping dry out the bottles she’d been washing.

“I talked to Melanie after I dropped Carter and Willow off with their dad,” he begins, pressing the dish towel roughly against the plastic in his hand. “If today goes well, they’d like to increase the visitations to be longer and more frequent, and then start thinking about the reunification process.”

For a moment, Justin isn’t sure Jess heard him. She remained quiet, swirling the dish wand around the dishes before loading them into the dishwasher. He almost wills himself to say something else, asking her how she feels about all of this until she turns to him.

“I hate that this is happening now, but we knew this was coming, right?” she says, and it’s so cool and calculated that Justin isn’t entirely convinced that she’s not half asleep while they’re having this conversation.

He blinks, shifting slightly on his feet, and shrugs. “I mean, yeah. I guess I just… I thought maybe we had more time. I guess I just figured it was going to be more of a gradual thing. Like we’d settle in with Pippa, get everyone adjusted, and then we could tackle increased visitations and the whole reunification process.”

“That would’ve been a dream scenario,” Jess smiles, washing her hands and reaching to shut the water off. “But it was never going to be perfect, was it?”

“It wasn’t,” Justin laughs. “It’s still going to be a bit of a process, but we’re closer than ever before.”

Nodding, Jess leans back against the counter. “We’re just going to have to stick to what we always said,” she reminds him. “Take it one moment and one step at a time, be honest and open with Carter and Willow whenever we need to be or they ask for it, and trust that we’re ready for this.”

Justin tries to channel Jess’ ease and go with the flow attitude she has towards understanding the next steps, hoping that as it gets to the point of reunification and they all have to navigate as a family, they’re both able to stay that relaxed and calm, and above anything else, reassure Carter and Willow that it will be okay.

--

Once hearing that they were up for more visitors and the fact that Charlie and Alex had already visited, Ani eagerly arrives to meet Pippa, fresh off her honeymoon.

“I’m sorry we couldn’t be at the wedding, we were really looking forward to it,” Jess sighs, carefully placing Pippa in her arms, leaning back on the sofa with her. “You’ll have to show me everything. I want to know every single detail.”

Ani laughs, brushing her finger against Pippa’s forehead. “Are you kidding? You don’t have to apologize for missing my wedding, you brought my niece into the world! And she’s perfect,” Ani smiles, shifting Pippa carefully in her arms. “I will show you every photo, video and moment that I can find. You know my mom has them all ready to share with anyone who even dares to ask about her daughter’s wedding.”

Laughing, Jess leans against the back of the sofa, resting her head in her hands. “Maybe I’ll just bother her. I’m sure I’d get a more honest recount of how things actually went.”

“You would,” Ani agrees, settling Pippa when she fusses in her arms, “but then you’d also think it was just a horror show, when it actually was incredible and I’m not upset about anything that happened.”

“Naomi told me it was gorgeous, and she was in love with everything,” Jess says.

“Well, it wasn’t perfect, but I’m glad she thought it looked great,” Ani smiles. “Maybe I should thank her for hitting up the open bar a few times before giving her review.”

Nodding, Jess suppresses a yawn and watches Pippa and Ani with softened eyes and a small smile. “I’m pretty sure she loves you,” Jess whispers, reaching out to adjust Pippa’s blanket. “The first time Clay held her, she fussed the entire time. You can imagine how annoyed Clay was and how excited Justin was.”

Laughing, Ani quietly calms Pippa down when she stirs. “I can only imagine how that went down,” she smiles. “I assume she’s better with him now that it’s been a few weeks.”

“She is,” Jess nods. Leaning back, she lets her eyes close for a minute. “Can you believe our lives right now? You just got married and came home from your honeymoon, and now you’re holding my daughter. So much has changed.”

“And yet we still have each other,” Ani smiles, leaning back to rest against Jess. “I don’t know about you, but this moment right here is the absolute best. We deserve this.”

Jess laughs, quickly agreeing as she stares down at her daughter in her best friend’s arms, hoping the moment never ends.
--

“Pippa, me and Jess read this book every night,” Willow begins, crawling up into her bed carefully as she tosses her wet hair back over her shoulder, leaning down to give Pippa a kiss in Jess’ arms. “Now you get to read it with us! I’m so excited, Pippa. Jess said we can all read together more now. I think you’ll love that.”

Jess smiles, helping Willow get situated beside her. “I think she’s going to love it, too. Are you going to read, or do you want me to and you hold the book?”

“I’ll read,” Willow smiles, turning to the last chapter they’d left off on and begins reading, allowing Jess to help her sound out the words.

Jess watches as Willow shows Pippa each illustration in the chapter book, fiercely independent at sounding out the words and working through the sections she would have previously asked Jess for help without putting the effort in.

Sitting there, Pippa resting against her chest, Willow pressed against her side, Jess can’t help but think back to all those months ago. Those months where Willow didn’t want her to read the book with her, where she preferred that Carter tucked her into bed and made up a short but sweet elaborate story for her to fall asleep to.

She thinks back to the long nights spent working through chapter books, Willow giving up on sounding out the words and figuring out what they were saying. She would beg Jess to read for her, and, even against her instincts, Jess would give in, reading the rest of the chapter without much of a protest.

She thinks about the first few days of adjusting to all three kids, Willow struggling with not having Jess and Justin’s attention at the blink of an eye like she had in the past. How Justin was the one to seamlessly help the transition, offering Willow pockets of alone time while Jess allowed her to help whenever she wanted. She thinks about now, and how Willow has settled into her role as being a big sister of sorts to Willow, how excited she is to see Pippa all the time now, and understands that she needs more attention because she’s so little.

She couldn’t imagine their lives any other way, and now, and with the impending visitation schedule increasing and the goal of reuniting them with their dad closer than ever before, Jess feels that familiar ache in her chest, a pang and hint of heartbreak that she’s not ready to face, and she isn’t sure she ever will be.

--

“Melanie told us about increased visitations,” Carter says on the walk home, shoving his hands into the pockets of his sweatshirt as Willow runs ahead, crunching the leaves beneath her sneakers. “Or, well, she mentioned it to me. She didn’t say anything to Willow.”

Justin nods, sighing. “How do you feel about it?”

“I don’t know,” he admits, eyes focused on Willow. “I mean, he’s been fine and I guess he’s proved that we can have more time with him to get ready to go back with him, but I can’t help but feel like more time just gives him an opportunity to mess it up and we’ll have to start over.”

“I get it,” Justin says quietly, looking over at Carter. “And I understand your hesitation and worries. But knowing this is something we will have to do eventually, would you feel better doing it now, or waiting a while longer and keeping the schedule as it is now?”

“I’m never going to be ready for it,” Carter admits, shrugging. “I say we just go for it, and we can always pull back, right?”

“Right,” Justin nods. “We can always scale back the visitations as long as it’s warranted. And your feelings and concerns are always taken into account, you know that.”

Nodding, Carter pulls one of his hands out and grazes it through his hair. “Then let’s just go with the flow. We’ll do more visitations, and besides, Willow will like it. It’ll just take me some time to get used to it.”

With a sliver of hope that it will all go well and Carter will be honest if not, Justin lets himself wonder how quickly this will go, and prepares for a drastic change that marks the beginning of everything changing.

--

“We’re currently doing visitations once a week for an hour and a half,” Melanie reminds them, setting a folder on their kitchen island beside the baby monitor as Pippa sleeps down the hall. “For their increase, based on what their father’s team has said and what we’ve received in feedback from Carter and Willow, I think it’s best if we increase their visitation to twice a week for two hours at a time. It doesn’t seem too drastic, but it’s a logical next step to be sure that we don’t rush into anything.”

Jess nods, taking a breath. “How would this work?” she asks, tapping her fingers against the counter. “Obviously, we do their visitations on the weekend. With school, we’ll have to figure out how we manage that.”

Melanie smiles. “We could do it in the evening. For safety purposes, you or Justin still have to drop them off, so we could do it when Willow is home from school. Two hours just after that will get them home around dinner time,” she offers. “And we can also move around the days to what works best. If we find that one day doesn’t work, we’ll shift for the next week. This can be flexible based on what the kids need to thrive.”

“The kids are always free on Wednesdays,” Justin says quietly, looking at Jess. “I can make sure I have no home visits in the afternoon and request that I don’t receive any emergency placements those days to make sure I can pick Willow up and take them. That way you don’t have to leave the house with all three of them just to take them down the street.”

“It might be good for us to go for a walk and get out of the house every once in a while,” Jess smiles. “But if that works for their dad, then let’s do that. It’ll be nice to have Justin available if we need it.”

Melanie smiles. “Their dad is willing to adjust his work schedule any day we need him to, so this should work,” she promises. “And if we find it doesn’t, then we’ll figure it out. One step at a time for now.”

“That’s all we can do,” Jess agrees, reaching over to take Justin’s hand and squeeze.

--

“I know that us going back with our dad is still a little ways off, and I know that there’s nothing that really changes other than that we see our dad more, but can we talk about what happens when we do go back with him?” Carter asks, waiting until Willow and Pippa are asleep before entering the living room, sitting down on the edge of the sofa.

Justin sits up, muting the TV and looking at him. “Of course we can talk about it. What’s on your mind?”

Carter wrings his hands together, shrugging. “What happens if our dad lets us talk to you guys once we’re back with him?”

“Exactly what it sounds like,” Justin smiles. “You’d be able to come to us with anything at all. Jess and I will be allowed to talk with you guys, check in with you, and help you with whatever you need. There won’t be any restrictions other than any guidelines your dad puts out, but if he’s okay with us still being in your lives, I’m sure that he’ll be okay with us helping you whenever you feel you need it.”

Carter nods, taking a moment. “If we’re allowed to have contact with you guys, I need to know that Willow will be okay if I choose to go to college away from home,” he says, staring at his lap. “I just… I’m not saying our dad will get worse again. I know you keep saying I need to have faith, and I do. But my whole life has been a letdown after letdown, and if my dad relapses, I need to know Willow will be safe without me there.”

Jess stands, moving to sit beside Carter. She waits until he says it’s okay before holding his hand, squeezing. “If we are allowed to be there, we will do absolutely everything to make sure Willow is safe whether your dad relapses or not,” she promises. “We will encourage her to let us know if she has any concerns or needs anything, and we will always look out for her and make sure there’s nothing that concerns us, okay?”

“Yeah, okay,” Carter nods, blowing out a breath. He turns his hand over, taking Jess’ properly, and squeezes. “What happens if my dad says no contact between us?”

Justin deflates, leaning forward. “Honestly, there’s not much we can do,” he says. “Melanie will still have contact for a while, but she’s legally not allowed to tell me anything about you guys if that’s your dad’s wishes. Once you’re 18, you’ll be allowed to make your own decisions, but technically, unless you feel that Willow was in danger and need CPS to step in, you won’t be able to tell us about her.”

Carter agrees quietly, leaning back.

Justin takes the opportunity to move forward, sitting on the coffee table in front of Carter. “Let’s not think about the worst case scenario, okay? I know more than anyone that thinking about the worst case scenario will only drive you crazy, and won’t help you at all,” he says. “Let’s just take this one step at a time, and try to be optimistic about the future. But no matter how this shakes out, Jess and I will always be here and ready to step in whenever you need.”

“Thank you,” he mumbles, looking directly at Justin as Jess keeps holding his hand.

Justin remembers being in his situation, worrying about the future and constantly thinking about the worst case scenario - if his mom had shown up and tried to stall the adoption, or what would happen if the Jensens decided to turn back and not adopt him after all.

He knows how it sent him into a spiral, made him constantly worry that he wasn’t ever going to get a chance in life to just make something of himself. To be able to help Carter now, despite the different circumstances, despite knowing that this is going to have a different outcome is where Justin thinks he can thrive.

If he can help Carter feel even a little bit okay about the future and what happens next, he thinks this will all be worth it.

Chapter Text

There are days where Jess feels like she’ll never feel like she’s any form of a human, the sleep deprivation either resolving itself or just becoming part of her - she can’t decide which one is which at this point.

What she does know is that she never knew she could feel a love like this, her heart bursting each time she stares at Pippa, finding herself soaking in every single moment and sneeze and baby noise imaginable, not wanting to miss or forget anything about the best few weeks of her life.

They make it through the adjustment of her parents making their way back to Seattle, falling into a routine. Justin heads back to work full-time, and as Jess starts to feel herself settling in to juggling three kids alone for a few hours in the window between school and Justin returning home, they start adding back in things they used to do, like walking around the neighborhood to run off the last of Willow’s energy before their bedtime routine, or picking Carter up from football practice on nights where Justin has to work late on an emergency call.

What she hadn’t factored into her easing back into a routine was the increased visitations for Carter and Willow and the nerves that remained pooled at the bottom of her stomach, bubbling to the top each time she’d turn the stroller around and she and Pippa would make their way back home for the two hours they’d be with their dad.

She was hoping with a few visitations under her belt she’d feel more at ease with things, just as she had when they first started unsupervised visitations. And while Carter and Willow’s testaments that the increased visitations were good and things were going well, it didn’t do anything to ease Jess’ nerves.

She blamed it on the lack of sleep, but she knew it was more than that.

“What did you guys do with your dad today?” Jess asks as she cleans up the kitchen, Justin eagerly taking the bedtime routine with Pippa, Willow helping him with bathtime and reading stories to her.

Carter peered up from his textbook, tapping his pen. “Watched Willow swing from the monkey bars for like half the time,” he shrugs.

Jess frowns. “Do you guys do anything you want to do? Or anything you’d like to see your dad do with you?”

Carter furrows his eyebrows. “I mean, there’s nothing specific I really want to do, I’ve gotta be honest,” he says, a smile tugging at the corner of his mouth. “We kicked the soccer ball around, but we can’t play basketball or football or anything without Willow feeling left out, so it’s easier to just do what she wants.”

Jess runs her fingers under the cool water, reaching for the soap. “Carter, you’re never going to be able to tell Melanie if you really feel like you’re personally ready to be back with your dad if what you’re basing your decision on is how he is with Willow.”

“But Willow is going to be with him longer if I go away for school, so I want to make sure she’s comfortable with him and she’s happy and settled,” Carter argues. “I can deal with him no matter how he is, but I need to make sure she feels safe.”

“Carter,” Jess sighs, shutting the tap off and reaching for the dish towel. “You need to worry about how you feel with him. The last thing we want is for you to go back to a situation because Willow feels safe and you don’t. You may go away to college, but it’s important that the time you have left in his house is safe and loving and as happy as it possibly can be.”

Carter doesn’t answer, staring at his textbook as he taps his pen, chewing on his lip.

“Carter, I’m going to push you because I love you and I think you need it,” Jess says carefully, busying herself by making their lunches for the next day. “I need you to think of one thing you want to do with your dad that helps you see how he’s doing. It cannot be solely focused on Willow, but it can involve her.”

She’s not surprised when she’s met with silence, Carter turning to his notebook and writing the answer to one of the questions. She thinks about pressing again, understanding that he’s not going to get to this point by himself, until Carter clears his throat.

“I want him to help us with homework,” he says quietly, not looking up from his notebook as he continues to work on the answers. “I know that sounds like it’s more for Willow, but our dad is an accountant. He’s scary good at math, and I’m not. He’ll be able to help me. He used to help me, but he’d always freak out and get pissed when I wasn’t getting it. It’ll… it’s a good test.”

Jess places Willow’s lunch in her lunchbox, nodding. “Okay, if that’s what you want, then that’s what I need you to do at your next visit. Fair?”

“Fair,” Carter agrees, closing his textbook. He watches Jess prepare a bottle for Pippa, stopping her before she goes upstairs. “I can um, I can go give it to them. That way you can finish what you’re doing.”

Jess smiles. “Okay,” she nods, handing him the bottle in her hand and watching as he disappears upstairs, leaving her in the quiet kitchen to make lunches for the following day alone for the first time in weeks.

--

Watching Justin quietly pull Pippa from her bassinet and sit down in the chair by her bed as Pippa fusses, Jess lets out a breath. “I know I said I was happy to just go with the flow and we knew this time was coming, but I think maybe it was all a lie. Because the further we go into this, the more we get used to these new visits and trusting that Carter and Willow are being truthful about how they feel about it all, the more nervous I feel about watching them leave.”

“It sort of feels like we’re dropping them off at college for a few hours, but it’s their dad and we just have to hope everything is okay,” Justin remarks, shushing Pippa lightly as he rests her against his shoulder. “Melanie is great at this step, she’s used to foster parents feeling like things are moving too quickly. I can promise you she wouldn’t have even entertained the thought of increased visits if she wasn’t absolutely positive this was a good thing for them. You know that.”

Jess tosses their decorative pillows onto the ground out of the way, climbing into her side of the bed. “I do know that,” she nods, staring at the blankets as she smoothes her hands over them. “Carter told me today that he was just going off how Willow was feeling. He said he can deal with their dad in any state, but he wants to make sure Willow feels safe more than anything.”

“Please tell me you told him that that can’t be how we get through this change.”

“I did,” she smiles, tossing Justin a pacifier when Pippa fusses again, watching as he slowly lays her down in his arms, smoothing his thumb over her cheek as she sucks on the pacifier. “And then I told him he has to choose something that will help him, too, so he can see how his dad does. And then I spent the rest of the night worrying that maybe that was pushing him too hard on top of everything else.”

“How did he handle it?” Justin asks, rocking slowly as Pippa lulls to sleep in his arms.

Jess shrugs, leaning back against the pillows. “He agreed that he could do that and said he was going to ask him to help with homework. He said he knows it sounds like that’s more for Willow, but his dad is an accountant and good at math, and Carter isn’t, so it’ll be a good test.”

“Then I don’t think you pushed him too hard,” Justin smiles, apologizing quietly when he talks too loud and Pippa stirs in his arms, scrunching up her face. “Carter would’ve fought back or made up reasons why he couldn’t do that if you were pushing him too hard or he didn’t want to do it.”

“Still,” Jess shrugs, holding her breath when Justin stands and carefully lays Pippa back down in her bassinet, making sure she stays settled before climbing into bed beside her.

He leans over, kissing her softly. “Still nothing,” he promises. “Carter needs to be pushed sometimes, and you did the right thing. Just because he isn’t our kid doesn’t mean we can’t push him to work harder or be better. The only way we’ll know if he’s ready is if Carter feels comfortable too. Don’t beat yourself up over this, you did the right thing.”

Nodding, Jess leans back against her pillows and watches Justin click the light off, staring up at the ceiling as he drifts off beside her.

She falls asleep with Justin’s reassurance that it’ll be okay reverberating through her mind, choosing to believe that in this instance, he is right.

--

“Do you think that even when we go home with our dad I’ll be able to come on walks with you?” Willow asks, stopping the stroller in the middle of the sidewalk to reach in and fix the blanket, covering Pippa’s foot again. “Because I want to see Pippa get bigger and then take her on the slides.”

Jess bites back a laugh at how simple Willow’s wishes are, pulling her jacket around her arms. “We’ll have to talk about it, kiddo, but there is nothing more I want than for you two to go down the slides together. She’s going to have the best person to teach her all the fun ways you can play on the playground.”

“Hudson can help,” Willow offers, waiting for Jess to help them over the uneven sidewalk before taking over again. “Do you think she can go down the slide now?”

“I think she might be just a little bit too small still,” Jess smiles. “She doesn’t even like the bumps in the sidewalk! But she’ll be big enough soon and then we can take her on a few slides,” she promises, trailing behind as Willow pauses at a bunch of flowers, holding them towards the stroller.

“These are purple flowers, Pippa! They’re my favorite, and the old lady that lives in the house said I can take one one time! I bet she would let you have one, too,” Willow rambles, smelling the flower before letting go, watching it sway back and forth before coming to a stop.

They continue walking along the path, Willow pointing out birds and insects and all the cars that pass, unbothered by Pippa sleeping in the stroller in front of her.

“When will she stay awake for longer?” Willow groans when they turn back onto their street, perching on her tiptoes to look into the stroller, frowning when she realizes Pippa is still sleeping soundly. “She was awake when we left, but then she just fell asleep!”

Jess smiles, gently guiding Willow to keep walking. “She’s just a month old, Wills, she’s going to sleep a lot. Pretty soon she’ll be up more and you’ll get to play with her,” she promises. “But babe, her falling asleep while we walk her means she feels comfortable and safe! That’s a good thing.”

“It’s still boring,” Willow mumbles, stopping at the bottom of the driveway to let Jess push it back up the hill. “I wanted to show her all the flowers and the park where we’re going to play when she’s bigger, but she just slept right through it.”

“Maybe soon you can show her,” Jess smiles, kissing Willow’s head as they walk back into the house, Jess picking Pippa up out of the stroller and calling for Willow to wash her hands as she runs ahead inside.

--

Standing at their normal meeting place rocking the stroller back and forth, Jess feels the nervous flutter in her chest. Carter had insisted he was going to work on his math homework with Mark that day, gesturing towards the backpack on his back, and Jess nodded, the sentiment that she hadn’t meant to push him so hard stuck on the tip of her tongue.

She worried that this would be the breaking point. That her insistence that Carter needed to see how was for himself without deciding his stance based on how he was with Willow was what would send it all crumbling down, revealing that their dad was in no way, shape, or form ready to have his kids back in his custody. She worries that her suggestion could’ve caused an outburst and a sudden backslide, leading them back a few steps.

Selfishly, that would mean more time with Carter and Willow for her and Justin. More time as their little makeshift family of five, reveling in long evenings of sports practices and homework, Willow and Pippa continuing their nightly routine, Pippa becoming more involved as she grew older.

She was also aware that that scenario would crumble Carter’s mental health, and most likely cause a rippling effect down to Willow, who would also be upset about it all.

So, as much as she wanted their little bubble to stay their reality forever, she knew that hoping it all went well and their visitations are continuing to get better is where her mindset needed to be.

It didn’t mean she had to be thrilled about it.

“You brought Pippa!” Willow exclaims, announcing her presence before Jess even notices her running down the sidewalk towards them, Willow peering into the stroller and talking to Pippa as Pippa looks up at her, kicking her legs at Willow’s excitement.

“Justin had to work late, so we came out to get you guys,” Jess smiles. She turns to Carter, who smiles and rubs Pippa’s arm before turning back to Jess.

“Can we go home and get dinner?” he asks before Jess can ask him how things went. “It went well, but can we talk about it when Justin gets home? I know he’s gonna ask, and I don’t feel like explaining twice.”

Smiling, Jess nods and carefully turns the stroller around, letting Willow push it home. “Sure. Justin will be home soon, and then we can talk about it. Would you rather wait until Willow is in bed?”

Carter nods, smiling, and fixes his backpack as he falls into step beside Willow, teasing her when he realizes she can’t totally see over the top of the stroller.

--

After successfully getting Pippa to sleep while Jess reads the last of their chapter with Willow, Justin takes the opportunity to spend the last few minutes of sunlight tossing the ball back and forth with Carter, his eagerness to keep working on his skills evident as they stand at opposite sides of the yard.

“Can I ask you a question that you just answer and don’t ask me other questions after?” Carter asks, tossing the ball back in Justin’s direction.

Justin laughs, nodding. “Sure, kid.”

“If we got taken from our dad again, and I’m not saying that we will, would we be able to be fostered by you and Jess again?”

It’s not a question Justin had been expecting, tossing the ball between his hands as he lets it sink in. “It might be hard, but they’d see your record and see that you guys were with us, and hopefully they’d reach out to us to see if we were in a position to have you guys again,” he explains. “For what it’s worth, we will always be in a position to take the two of you, no matter what. Even if we aren’t actively foster parents, we will step in and help you both when you need it.”

“Yeah, okay,” Carter nods, catching the ball against his chest. “I just wanted to know, I guess. So if it does happen again, I don’t have to worry that they’ll split us up or maybe we’d go to a new family who wasn’t as great as you and Jess.”

“I get it,” Justin smiles. “You like the stability, and we’ll do everything we can to make sure the two of you get that if you need to be taken out of your dad’s care again,” he promises.

Carter smiles, nodding, and tosses the ball back. “Thanks,” he mumbles, earning a nod in reply from Justin.

The silence mulls between them both, comfortable and easy, and Justin takes a moment to just enjoy the fact that he doesn’t have to entertain or soothe Carter. They don’t need to have a conversation to hold off the awkwardness that could come between them. It’s a feat he wasn’t sure they’d get to, but one he’s more than grateful to be living.

“Did you boys talk about visitation?” Jess asks, stepping out onto the back steps and sitting down, tying her hair up into a bun. “You better have waited for me.”

Carter smiles, tossing the ball back to Justin. “Yeah, we did,” he smiles. “It’s really not that exciting. I just… I asked my dad if we could wait to play at the park and do homework instead. He didn’t seem that excited, but he agreed.”

Justin hesitates before continuing the catch, understanding that being somewhat distracted was probably helping him have the conversation. “Did he help both of you?”

Carter catches the ball, nodding. “He helped Willow first, but I asked him for help with my math homework and said I had been confused about how to use the equation correctly,” he explains, sighing as he tosses the ball back. “In the past he used to get really frustrated when I would get confused or not understand what he was teaching me, but today he actually walked through it, and when I could tell he was getting frustrated, he gave himself a minute before he kept teaching me.”

“That sounds like it went well then?” Jess asks, smiling when Carter nods.

Justin tosses the football back to Carter. “How do you feel about being back with him? Do you think this was a step in the right direction?”

“Yes,” Carter answers immediately, and it’s the non-hesitation that helps Justin understand the best that Carter is serious. He’s normally so careful about wording things and how he’s feeling that this feels like a step in the right direction. “It wasn’t perfect, but it was way better than before. And besides, I can’t really expect perfection, that’s too much pressure.”

Jess smiles. “I’m glad you can see that, and that you had a good time with him today. You’ll tell us if this changes?”

“I will,” Carter says, hiding his smile as he rolls his eyes. “I promise.”

Jess laughs, standing, and turns back to go inside, letting them know she’d be watching her reality TV shows with everyone in bed and them occupied.

--

“Where’s my baby?” Lainie calls, bypassing Justin to take the car seat from Jess, smiling as she pulls Pippa out. “Oh my gosh, I can’t believe how big she’s already gotten! And we just saw her!”

“It’s nice to see you too, Lainie,” Justin smirks, laughing when Lainie swats her free hand in his direction. “I miss when I was the favorite.”

“You were never the favorite,” Clay smirks. “You gave them both heart attacks.”

“And you didn’t?” Justin asks, smiling.

“I loved you both equally,” Lainie steps in. “But yes, you both gave us heart attacks.”

She holds Pippa close to her chest, kissing the top of her head as they move to sit down in the family room. “Dad should be done with dinner soon if you wanted to see if he needed any help,” she says to Justin, who nods and watches as Lainie sits down with everyone else, resting Pippa on her legs as Hudson crawls up beside her to say hello.

“I thought I heard you guys walk in,” Matt smiles, turning back to look as Justin walks into the kitchen. “Lainie has been waiting all day for you guys to get here. I guess she thinks our almost daily visits aren’t enough time with Pippa.”

Justin laughs. “To be fair, you guys only stay for a few minutes when you do come visit. I hope you didn’t think she’d want less time with Pippa than she had with Hudson.”

Matt smiles. “I did think maybe she’d tamper it down a little bit now that Pippa is her second grandchild,” he conceded. “But I should’ve known she’d just turn it into it being your first child and her first granddaughter.”

Justin stands beside him at the counter, reaching for a knife to chop up the vegetables. “Thank you guys for coming over and helping as much as you have,” he says quietly, staring at the cutting board. “Sometimes I feel like it’s all so much. Pippa won’t settle down, nothing helps, and then Carter and Willow still need us and they have so many things changing in their lives. It’s not… sometimes I remember that my mom got through it because she was high on anything she could get her hands on. And I… I don’t want to be like that, but I can almost understand why she relapsed, and sometimes I wonder how you’re supposed to make it through these first few weeks and still feel like a human.”

Matt taps the wooden spoon against the lip of the pot, looking at his son. “Justin, buddy, do you feel like you’re at risk for relapsing with all of these changes?”

“No,” Justin stresses, shaking his head. “I’ve been fine, I promise. I even went to a meeting the other night just to check in. I just… I’m just saying that I get how she relapsed after she had me. And sometimes I feel like this period will never end. That we’ll always feel so helpless when we can’t get her to calm down, or maybe we’ll miss something with Carter and Willow.”

“You might,” Matt says, and it’s so matter of fact and confronting that Justin pauses what he’s doing. “Justin, when we first began fostering you, you know better than anyone that there were moments we missed with Clay, and god, even with you. It’s just part of life. You cannot be in three places at once, you cannot know everyone’s unique needs all at the same time.”

“But I don’t want anyone to fall through the cracks.”

Matt reaches, turning the burner down. “Is Pippa safe, taken care of and calms down after some reassurance from you or Jess?”

Justin pulls the onions over to the side, nodding. “Yes.”

“Does Willow still talk to you about how her school day is going and what her visits are like with her dad?”

“Yeah.”

“Has Carter still come to you to talk about how he’s feeling with visitation and what happens next?”

Justin sighs. “Yes, he has.”

“Then buddy, you’re doing the best you can,” Matt smiles. “Everyone’s needs are taken care of, they know they can come to you if they need it, and as long as you and Jess are doing okay, that’s all that matters.”

Nodding, Justin reaches for the tomato. “We’re doing fine. I mean, Jess thinks we’re getting into a routine, and I feel like I’m getting it down now that I’ve been back at work for a little bit.”

“You will too,” Matt reassures him. “Justin, I know the first few weeks are hard. And your mom and I can be there as much as you need. If you need us there more, you need to tell us.”

Matt turns around, grabbing the serving bowl from the cabinet. “Don’t miss out on the best few weeks of your life because you’re overwhelmed and feel like you can’t reach out. We are always here for you, kiddo, okay? Anytime you and Jess need it.”

“Okay,” Justin nods, taking the serving bowl from his hands.

“If I send your brother in here, can you two handle getting the food out on the table? I would like some time with my granddaughter before we eat.”

Laughing, Justin nods, and turns back to grab other bowls from the cabinet. “We can handle it, but good luck getting Pippa away from Lainie.”

Justin turns back to finish getting the food out, hearing Clay enter the room behind him.

“If you’re wondering what you’re missing, Dad just took Pippa from Mom, Naomi and Jess are catching each other up on everything they’ve missed, Willow and Hudson are playing, and Carter is playing some game on his phone.”

“Quite the recap, Jensen,” Justin smirks, handing him a bowl. “And just like when we were teens, it’s our job to set the table.”

Clay nods, squeezing past Justin to help. “Everything been okay?”

“You were right,” Justin says quietly. “I love Jess, and I love Carter and Willow, but it doesn’t even compare to how I feel about Pippa. I mean, I sit at my desk at work and think about her all the time. I sit outside of home visits and watch little videos Jess sends me during the day, or I stare at the pictures I take in the middle of the night while Jess is feeding. I didn’t know it could feel like this.”

Clay laughs, nudging Justin’s shoulder on his way by. “I’m glad you’re happy, Justin,” he mumbles, clearing his throat when he realizes how awkward it sounds. “I’m glad you’re here to experience this. To have a family of your own. And I know Mom and Dad tell you all the time, but I’m proud of you, too.”

Justin feels the tips of his ears redden, laughing as he shoves Clay on the way out to the dining table. “Shut up, dude,” he teases, but silently thanks him as they finish setting the last of the table.

Glancing into the living room, they find Pippa resting in Matt’s arms, blinking up at him as he talks quietly to her, everyone else in their own conversation nearby while Willow and Hudson play with toys in front of them.

“I know you guys are having a good time, but we put the food out on the table, so it’s time to eat,” Justin smiles, watching Lainie take Pippa from Matt’s arms and walk to the table, balancing her in one arm.

“Lainie, I can hold her, or we can put her back in her seat,” Jess offers, smiling when Lainie waves her off.

“I’m more than capable of holding her while we eat,” she promises. “Clay went through a period of never wanting to be put down, so I became skilled at eating with one hand. And besides, I don’t want to put her down for even a minute.”

Justin sits in between Lainie and Jess, smoothing his hand over Pippa’s head. “Okay, but if she gets too heavy, I can take her from you,” he says, looking back up at her.

“We’ll be fine,” Lainie reassures them, glancing down at Pippa. “Won’t we, love? You’ll be fine with Grandma.”

Pippa stretches, kicking her legs before settling in Lainie’s arms as Lainie readjusts slowly, watching as everyone makes conversation around her.

She watches as Justin and Clay tease each other from across the table, Carter watching the interaction with a shy smile on his face. She watches as Matt talks to Carter quietly about football, and Naomi and Jess laugh as they make conversation.

She watches Hudson and Willow laugh and tease each other as they play with their vegetables, and while normally she thinks they probably would have put a stop to that, she doesn’t want it to stop.

Because sitting around this table with her family, watching every small interaction, she realizes this is what she’s always wanted.

Her boys, healthy, happy and thriving. Families of their own, careers, happiness that she once felt she could only dream of for them.

She wouldn’t change any of this for a single second.

Chapter Text

Thankful for FaceTime and maternity leave, Jess takes advantage of the quiet time with Carter and Willow in school to check in with her parents, focusing the camera on Pippa so they can stare at their granddaughter as Jess updates them on everything that they’ve missed out on the last few weeks.

“We’ve been doing tummy time more now that she’s two months and can actually do it a little better,” Jess says, moving to lay on the floor beside Pippa as she whines and tries to lift her head. “She’s not the biggest fan of it, but Naomi told me that Hudson was miserable and just fussed the entire time they did it, so I guess this is better than that scenario.”

“Well, she’s doing better than what they had to deal with,” Noelle smiles, adjusting the phone. “How have things been going with Carter and Willow? Any changes?”

Jess sighs, pushing her hair back behind her shoulder. “Not yet, no,” she says, helping Pippa readjust when she fusses. “We’re still on the same twice a week schedule, but it’s been going well, which makes Justin and I think that we’re probably going to get another change soon and have to readjust.”

“That wouldn’t be a bad thing though, would it?” Noelle asks, smiling when Pippa squirms beside Jess. “Them being back with their dad is the goal of all of this, so increasing and having things turn positively is a great sign.”

“Yeah, it is,” Jess says, pushing herself to sit up, reaching forward to rub Pippa’s back. “But that doesn’t mean it makes it any easier.”

Noelle’s face softens. “You always knew this was coming,” she reminds her gently, and Jess finds herself suppressing an eye roll. “This was never going to lead to adoption. It’s sad that it has to happen just after you had Pippa so you can’t totally enjoy these first few months, but it’s not like this is a shock or anything.

“Just because it’s not a shock doesn’t mean I’m not sad about it,” Jess defends, sighing. “We knew this was coming, yes, but we wish it could just be held off for a little while. Regardless, I haven’t missed any moments of these first months, and I’ve still loved every single second of it with Pippa. I don’t feel like I would’ve gained anything from not having Carter and Willow here. I still spend the majority of the day with just Pippa.”

“I know you do,” Noelle nods. “I just think that you need to remember this point was always going to come, it’s just not coming when you guys wanted.”

Noelle waits a moment before speaking again. “Going through it in this manner, juggling fostering and pregnancy and now a newborn with two very active kids and a visitation schedule that’s increased recently, would you ever want to foster again? Or do you two think it’s maybe foster once and be done with it?”

Jess gives herself a moment to compose herself. She knows her mom means well, and deep down, she thinks her mom probably does understand their desire to foster, but she also knows she’s not up for arguing or getting short with her.

“Fostering was always going to be something we did, whether it happened now or years down the road,” she reminds her gently, reaching forward to pick Pippa up, resting her in her arms. “I know it was Justin’s suggestion, and he was really the one that wanted to do this more than anything, but I can’t see it being a one and done thing. I can’t see Carter and Willow being our only foster kids, and I’m okay with that.”

“Even if you have to go through this heartbreaking goodbye every single time?”

Jess knows her mom is just looking out for her. Her mom has always been protective, fearing that her daughter was struggling in yet another new school, or maybe hanging out with the wrong crowd. After Hannah and Bryce, her mom’s leash only got tighter, her worry only deepening that maybe there was more she could be doing to protect her daughter.

“This heartbreaking goodbye is for the best reason. If I can help kids by giving them a safe place to land while their parents get back on their feet, or help someone who’s going through a tough time, then why wouldn’t I?” she says, carefully standing up and walking towards the kitchen. “I know that fostering isn’t for everyone, and I know that it’s never going to be easy to say goodbye to these kids that have become our own the last few months, but fostering and adoption saved Justin’s life, and I want that for every single kid who needs it, too.”

Noelle smiles, brushing her hair behind her ear. “I am so proud of you, sweetheart,” she reminds her, the pride laced through her words. “You and Justin are doing some incredible things, taking care of these kids and giving them a place to be when they need it the most. I just want to make sure that you’re taking care of yourself, too.”

“I am, I promise,” Jess smiles, warming a bottle with her free hand, angling the camera towards Pippa so her mom can talk to her while Jess finishes getting her food ready before naptime.

--

“Do you ever think about what happens after?”

The question from Justin comes in the quiet of the night, Pippa down at least until her next feed, Willow asleep after bargaining to read an extra chapter of her book, and Carter finishing his homework in his room.

Jess scrubs the sticky juice residue off the counter, shrugging. “What do you mean what comes after?”

Justin busies himself, grabbing things for lunch the following day from the pantry and starting to make lunches. “I don’t know, like if we’re allowed to keep in touch with them, or if we want to do this fostering thing again right away.”

“I wouldn’t say no to fostering again right away if you think we’re ready,” she says with a smile, glancing up at him. “Maybe we take a few months and focus fully on Pippa, but I like the feeling fostering has given me, and I don’t want to not have this again.”

For a moment, it’s as if the relief washes over Justin. He nods, smiling, and turns back to grab a juice box from the fridge for Willow’s lunch. “I want to do this again, too, but I agree, maybe we focus on Pippa for a little bit first.”

Jess smiles, tossing the paper towel in the trash and walking to the sink to wash her hands. “As for keeping in touch after, if we’re allowed, I’d want to hear from them as much as they want to talk to us,” she explains. “I hope this isn’t the end, and I hope we can still talk to them. I want to be able to hear about Carter’s football games and maybe go watch a few here and there, and I want to take Willow out on walks with us and let her be able to hang out with Hudson again, and see Pippa grow up. I don’t - I can’t think about that not being the scenario we’re dealt. The thought of not being able to talk to them or see them again is too much for me.”

“I agree,” Justin says quietly, licking his lips and swallowing. “I think… I don’t know. I think it’s logical to want to have them in our lives forever, even when they are back with their dad. But the truth is, it’s out of our hands. We can’t worry about if it’ll be our reality or not because there’s nothing we can say or do that would make it our reality.”

“We’ll know what the answer is in the next few weeks, but until then, I think we should just enjoy our time together, make a million memories, let Willow be a little mom to Pip as much as she wants to be, and focus on living in the moment.”

Jess sighs, leans against the counter, and nods. “One moment at a time,” she agrees, voice barely above a whisper.

Justin walks behind her, wrapping his arms around her middle and kissing just below her ear. “We can do this.”

She wills herself to believe he’s right.

--

The thing about visitations is that they get easier.

Each visitation doesn’t feel like the end of the world, and while the nervous pit lodged firmly in Jess’ stomach never quite goes away, it gets less annoying, nagging less and less at the thought of needing to step in and make this all slow down or even just make time stop.

Because each visitation she’s finding that Carter and Willow return with relatively easy smiles and good reports, and Melanie corroborates their reports, promising a full summary later, but that things were going exactly how they had hoped they would.

Which means their time is dwindling down, and maybe that is terrifying to Jess, but she’s learning to accept it.

It’s in Carter and Willow’s best interest for them to be back with their dad when the time is right. It’s the right thing to do, it was always the goal. She had never gone into fostering expecting to adopt - she was far too familiar with the system to know that that wasn’t the goal or general outcome of fostering.

But she also hadn’t gone into being a foster parent expecting to have these kids for almost a year. She hadn’t expected to grow a child of her own in that time, and watch how they all worked to seamlessly welcome her into their home when she was born.

She hadn’t expected to fall so in love with these two kids who were strangers not all that long ago and then expect to just be able to part with them as if nothing had ever happened.

That’s what she got hung up on.

But Justin’s words of taking it one moment at a time reverberated in her mind. She soaked in those lazy Saturday mornings watching cartoons with Willow while Pippa laid against her chest. She savored the intermittent conversations about what Carter did with his friends that night, or the summer plans that began to form as the school year winds down.

She treasures the walks home from visitation as Willow tries to coax a smile out of Pippa, Carter walking alongside Jess just behind them. And today, when Justin sneaks home early enough to join them, she wishes she could live in this moment forever.

“Carter, have visitations still been going well?” Justin asks, speaking just loud enough for Carter to hear, keeping an eye on Willow and Pippa in front of them.

Carter shoves his hands into his pockets, smiling. “It’s um - things are better than they’ve ever been, including when my mom was around,” he admits, shrugging. “It’s like the most hope I’ve ever felt being with my dad, which is terrifying, but also a little bit relieving to know that he can be the dad that we need him to be.”

“Why do you find that terrifying?” Jess asks, blinking as she looks back at him. “I don’t mean in the sense that you know this can all change so quickly. I mean that you say it’s the best it’s ever been right now and you don’t feel nervous like you always have. Why does that scare you?”

Carter stares at his sister, the reprimand to not jostle the stroller too much getting lost in his throat when Willow stops and laughs, talking to Pippa about how she saw her smile when they were moving the stroller crazily.

“Because him doing so well and us being safe means going back to him soon, which is a good thing, but also means we’re going to leave the only stability we’ve really ever had in our lives. The stability that you guys give us. And I’m sad and scared that we’ll never have a home like this again.”

Jess slows, resting her arm on Carter’s. Sensing that he doesn’t want to make this a big moment, she falls into step beside him. “You know that no matter what time, when or what the circumstances are, our doors are always open for you,” she reminds him. “Whether it’s just that you need a night away, or you made a mistake and just need a place to crash, we are always going to be here. You don’t even have to warn us, you can just show up on our doorstep.”

“Are you sure?” Carter asks, hesitating as he glances at her. “I don’t want to be a bother.”

“That’s the last thing you’d be,” Justin smiles. “We want to help in whatever way we can, even if it’s the middle of the night. You just say the word.”

“Okay, yeah,” Carter nods, smiling. “Thanks,” he mumbles, running ahead to help Willow push the stroller up the driveway, ignoring her protests that she can do it herself.

--

“Do you think if Matt and Lainie had adopted you earlier you would’ve been better off?”

The question comes out of nowhere, Carter standing in the doorway of Justin and Jess’ shared office at their house long after Willow, Jess and Pippa had gone to bed, school looming over them in the morning. He taps his fingers against the doorframe, shifting on his feet.

“How do you mean better off?” Justin asks, motioning for Carter to come in, smiling when Carter does so and collapses on the sofa in the office.

“You said your mom was an addict, right?” he asks, watching Justin nod before he continues. “So like, do you think if Matt and Lainie had adopted you sooner, maybe your life wouldn’t have been so… so - “

“Hard?” Justin finishes, biting back a smile.

Carter blushes, shrugging. “I mean yeah, I guess,” he laughs.

“I guess yeah, it would’ve been way easier to have Matt and Lainie be my parents when I was like, five, rather than waiting until I was 16. But I didn’t know them then, so there’s no point in me even thinking about it,” he shrugs. “Do you think that being adopted would make things easier on you?”

Sighing, Carter picks at his cuticle. “Probably not, no,” he admits. “My dad is doing better right now, and he’s actually working hard at whatever program he’s in. And with my mom not in the picture, maybe he won’t go back to getting drunk and being a horrible dad.”

“That’s where our parents differ,” Justin smiles, leaning forward. “My mom could go to a million programs, the best ones in the state even, and she’d still come out and relapse. She could get herself clean, go months without even thinking about how to score, and then I’d come home from school and find her passed out on the sofa.”

“My mom never tried for me the way your dad is trying for you and Willow,” he says, holding up his hand when Carter goes to protest. “Maybe he’s not always trying, sure, but he is doing his best most of the time. That’s still more than I ever got.”

Carter sinks back, sighing. “I hate that my whole reputation at school is around him and my mom,” he admits, staring at his lap until his eyes unfocus. “Everyone knows that my mom just left us without saying anything, and then that my dad was angry and drunk and took it out on us, and now they know we’re in foster care. It’s fucking ridiculous that even the things he doesn’t touch, he still ruins for me.”

“That was always the part that made me so angry,” Justin says. “I made plenty of mistakes in my life that really weren’t because of my mom, but it didn’t matter how hard I tried or how much I did the right thing or took the higher road, it always ended up circling back to everyone assuming that I was just like her. That I wouldn’t amount to anything.”

“Did it help when you were adopted?”

Leaning back in the chair, Justin twirls his pen through his fingers. “Not really,” he shrugs. “Most people thought the Jensens were out of their mind to adopt me. I wasn’t - I didn’t have much going for me. I was a teenage addict who had made a ton of mistakes and didn’t really show that I was doing any better. And when people found out they wanted to help me and give me a home, they made sure the Jensens knew what they were getting into.”

“Carter, adoption wouldn’t magically fix everything. Neither will being back with your dad. He’s working really hard, he seems genuinely interested in making this better and stopping this in its tracks, but it won’t get better if you don’t put in some effort alongside him.”

“Yeah, I know,” he admits. “I just don’t want it to be all for nothing. I can’t… we already lost my mom, I can’t go through this just for this to not work out with him, too.”

Justin blows out a breath, the realization that this isn’t just about his dad relapsing dawning on him. “You don’t talk much about your mom. Do you want to talk about her?”

Carter shakes his head, and then shrugs. “I don’t remember when she wasn’t drunk,” he mumbles. “It’s not the same as your mom, it’s not. But it’s like she didn’t even try to just be a better person. She did the bare minimum of not getting drunk when she was pregnant with Willow, and then she just. She gave up.”

“I get it,” Justin nods. “Look, I can’t relate to your dad trying to be better, but I can relate to your mom giving up,” he smiles.

“Sometimes I wonder if I should reach out to her when I’m 18 and just listen to her talk about why she did what she did and what comes next, but then I don’t know if that would just make me angrier,” he shrugs. “I mean she’s missing everything. She barely knew Willow before she left. How can someone do that? How can they just look at their kids and choose to walk out and not even fix themselves?”

Justin taps his pen against his thigh, sighing. “You’ll make yourself sick if you think about that question too much,” he says. “I don’t doubt that your mother loves both of you, but she loves her addiction more. And when you can stomach that thought, you can start to make some peace with it.”

Leaning forward, Justin rests his head in his hands. “Look, I know we’ve offered therapy and you’ve declined, and I get it. Therapy seems lame and awkward and you think it probably won’t help,” he rants, smiling when Carter laughs and shrugs. “But the Jensens made me go to therapy. They told me the trauma that I’d endured and what I’d gone through warranted at least a few sessions, and it was the best thing I ever did.”

“I don’t know,” Carter sighs, apprehensive.

“I’m not asking you to make a decision right now,” Justin promises, stretching his legs out underneath the desk. “But I think you should give it some serious thought. Even if it’s just a few sessions, it may help to talk to someone who can help you direct your feelings towards your mother and the rough patch your father has been through to help you continue moving forward. And if that’s something you want to do, I will help you find a therapist.”

Carter nods, a thank you slipping out under his breath. “Do you think I should try to find my mom again?”

“I think I can’t answer that question,” Justin replies with a smile. “But I do think you need to give it time. You have a little while before you’re 18. If you still feel that way then, then I will help you find a way to locate your mom and see if we can set up a meeting for you guys.”

Carter nods, standing. “Yeah, okay,” he says, wiping his palms against his sweatpants. “It’s like, way late and if Jess knew we were up talking she’d be mad.”

“I think she’d let it slide if she knew it wasn’t us playing video games or watching a movie,” Justin smiles, closing the lid of his laptop and standing. “But I did just realize that Pippa will be waking up in a few hours, and I’m going to be exhausted. Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?”

Carter shakes his head, flipping the light switch and walking back towards the kitchen. “Thanks for always letting me just rant about what’s going on.”

“My door is always open when you need it, kid,” Justin reminds him, reaching out to squeeze his shoulder. “Whether you want to talk about addict parents, worries about going home, or a school paper, I want to help you. So does Jess, so don’t hold it in just because you feel like you can’t talk to us.”

Carter tip toes up the steps, smiling. “I won’t,” he promises.

For the first time, Justin believes him.

--

Swinging her legs back and forth from a bar stool at Rosie’s Diner, Willow watches with wide eyes as the waitress makes her and Jess’ milkshakes behind the counter.

“I thought it would be fun to get a little treat after the letter your teacher sent home saying how you were being really helpful to clean up at the end of the year,” Jess smiles, grateful for the one on one time with Willow that seems to have slipped away with the arrival of Pippa.

“It goes faster if I help,” Willow shrugs, smiling when she swivels the stool.

Jess holds back her eye roll, sighing. “I hope you still help because you want to be helpful, not just because you want to be done faster.”

“I help because it’s nice to help,” Willow promises, a mischievous grin passing across her face. “Jess, are we gonna get to do this again?”

Thanking the waitress as she sets their milkshakes in front of them, Jess turns back to Willow. “Are we going to be able to do what, babe?”

“Come get milkshakes,” she shrugs, dipping her straw down into her glass and leaning forward. “Carter said that we’re probably going to go back and live with our dad soon, which means we can’t see you every day like we do now. And then no milkshake dates.”

For a moment, Jess finds the humor in Willow’s major concern being no more milkshake dates. While she had been struggling at the thought of leaving Jess and Justin in flashes - protesting bedtime, acting out when asked to do chores she once loved to do - it’s the first time she had brought it up on her own.

“Well, as long as Justin and I can still see you guys, we can go on milkshake dates whenever your dad says,” she promises, scooping her straw through the whipped cream. “You haven’t said much about your dad. Do you want to talk about it?”

Willow plucks the cherry from the top of her milkshake. “I’m happy to live with my dad again, but then it means we have to leave you guys, right?” she asks, blinking. “I don’t want to leave you guys.”

Jess sighs, almost wishing she had started this conversation anywhere but here. “I know, babe, but it’ll be good being back with your dad! And Justin and I will be here for you as much as we can be, okay? Hopefully the only thing that changes is that you don’t live with us anymore.”

“But when will we know?” Willow asks, voice impossibly small.

Jess has spent so much of the time wondering how much was too much for Willow. Being only 6, Jess was desperate to give her the childhood she deserved, and not one that was filled with updates about their dad and when they’d live with him and what happens next.

What she’s beginning to realize is that Willow is not a typical 6 year old, and it’s okay to talk to her about the stuff that seems like she doesn’t notice, because it is directly going to affect her.

“Hopefully soon,” Jess says, desperately hoping that she isn’t lying to Willow. “But for right now, all we can do is keep doing things just like we always have, and we can talk about whatever you want to talk about whenever you want to, okay?”

Sucking milkshake up through the straw, Willow smiles. “Okay,” she nods, twisting the straw between her fingers. “I love you, Jess. You’re the best foster mom in the whole world.”

“Well that’s good to hear, because you are my favorite 6 year old in the entire world,” Jess smiles, leaning over to kiss the top of her head, handing her her cherry.

The two sit at the barstool for over an hour laughing and giggling, and by the time they walk out of the diner hand in hand, Jess finds herself hoping these moments never have to end.

Chapter Text

The paper sits in between the four of them, the reunification date highlighted and printed in bold.

In exactly two weeks, they’d be saying their goodbyes and officially handing Carter and Willow back over to their dad’s custody with Melanie’s supervision.

Two weeks from today, Jess would return home to neatly made bedrooms and a quiet house, returning to work from maternity leave with a gaping hole in her chest and a mourning period she wasn’t sure she was ever going to get over.

Justin tried to remain stoic. He put on a brave face, smiled, and ushered Willow to circle the date on the calendar. She bounced with excitement, talking about how she was excited to go home with her dad and be back in her own bedroom that was painted pink and her bed that was covered in stuffed animals, and Justin replied enthusiastically every time she’d let him get a word in, guiding her up to start the process of bath time.

Jess turned her sadness and worry into action. She started pulling out belongings she had put away in the shared linen closet that were theirs - winter blankets, towels, the pillows they’d arrived with. She washed them, placing them through the cycle twice until the laundry detergent filled the air, chewing on the corner of her lip as she folded them neatly and tucked them off to the side in the laundry room.

It was the logical next step, the step they always knew would come, but had put so far into the back of their mind. It was a reality none of them were ready to face, one that Justin and Jess were hoping they could prolong.

“You don’t have to wash all of that,” Carter says, leaning in the doorway to the laundry room, arms crossed over his chest. “I mean, I can wash it all when we’re back with our dad.”

“I want to wash it,” Jess insists with a smile, folding the blanket Willow was once attached to and placing it on top of the pile. “It’s just a few things for right now, things we stored in the linen closet, but I’ll wash all of your things.”

Carter nods, shifting, and lets a moment of silence pass between us. “Is it bad that I don’t want to leave?” he asks, staring at his arms. “Not because I don’t trust my dad or anything, because I actually do think it’s the right time to do this. I just… you and Justin gave us the stability that we never got to have, and I’m going to miss that and you guys more than anything.”

Jess tosses in a load of Pippa’s laundry, turning back to Carter. “I wish you guys could be here longer, too,” she agrees. “But you're right, this is the right time to go back with your dad, and we still have a little bit of time to spend together before things change again.”

“I know,” Carter nods. “I really um, I can’t thank you guys enough for everything you’ve done for us. I mean, you could’ve said no when you found out we were coming together or when you found out you were pregnant, but you didn’t. You never made us feel like we were in the way or anything, even though you literally had your first kid while we were with you guys. A lot of people would’ve probably said no to our placement, but you didn’t. And it just… it means a lot. Even if it doesn’t sound like it coming from me.”

Crossing the laundry room, Jess leans forward and cups Carter’s cheek in her hand. “It means the world when you tell me this,” she promises, smoothing her thumb across his cheek. “Being you and your sister’s foster mom has been one of the greatest joys of my life. Saying yes was one of the best decisions we ever made. We were so lucky to have you two with us for as long as we did, and whenever you need anything, our door is always open. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, yes,” Carter smiles, pulling back and rubbing at his eyes. “When will we know if we can have contact before I’m 18?”

Jess follows Carter back through the kitchen, sighing. “Justin put in the formal request yesterday, so hopefully we’ll know within the next few days,” she promises. “All we can do is keep hoping he says yes, but if not, we’ll figure it out, okay? Don’t worry about it.”

Carter nods, grabbing a snack from the pantry, and disappears upstairs to do his homework.

Jess collapses on the sofa to feed Pippa, biting back tears at the thought of having to say goodbye.

--

In a desperate attempt to keep things feeling normal and upbeat, Justin gives in to Carter and Willow’s wish to go to the mall one more time, allowing Jess a few hours to herself to continue sorting out Carter and Willow’s things, beginning the painstaking process of packing up their bags to go home.

Justin held Willow’s hand as they walked through the parking lot, surprised when she didn't let go when they got inside the mall like she normally does, instead continuing to hold his hand as they walked around looking for the perfect stores.

“It was supposed to be a surprise, but then this all happened so fast and we couldn’t pull it off,” Carter begins, looking back over his shoulder at Justin and Willow. “Willow and I wanted to get you and Jess something. And Pippa, obviously. So can you wait out here while we go in?”

Hesitating, Justin looks between the two of them. “You guys don’t need to get us anything. I promise, just being you two was more than enough for us, we don’t need anything else.”

“But we want to,” Carter insists, holding his hand out for Willow to take. “Nothing big, I promise. We just… we want to do this.”

“Please, Justin?” Willow asks, looking up at him as she lets go of his hand, smiling as she walks to Carter. “We’ll be really fast! You can sit right there and count how many minutes it takes, okay?”

Laughing, Justin walks over to the bench. “Okay, but don’t be too long, and call me if you need something.”

Carter smiles and rolls his eyes, nodding as he takes Willow’s hand. “We’ll be right back,” he promises, turning back and walking into the store with Willow.

Justin watches them as they disappear in the crowd and turn the corner once in the store, chewing on his lip as his leg bounces anxiously, thoughts running wild at the countdown looming until this part of his life was no longer a reality.

--

Stretching out along the sofa with Pippa squirming against her chest, Ani watches Jess circle the room, returning toys to the toy box and moving Pippa’s play mat to the corner.

“Two weeks feels like a quick turnaround,” Ani comments, smiling as Pippa lifts her head to look at her. “Did you guys ask if there’s a way it can be longer?”

“We can’t really ask that,” Jess smiles, glancing back as she tosses dirty blankets into the laundry basket. “Justin said two weeks is actually a reasonable amount of time, so I guess we should feel lucky about that,” she shrugs.

Nodding, Ani shifts slightly. “How do you feel about it though?” she asks, waving her free hand dismissively when Jess turns to look at her. “I know you keep saying you're fine, but Jess, come on. You can’t be all that fine when you’re going to lose two kids you raised for almost a year. No one is totally fine when they hear that.”

Jess moves to the clean laundry basket, busying herself by beginning to fold everything. “I don’t know how I feel,” she admits after a minute, shaking her head. “I’m going to miss them like hell, and I’m sad that it has to happen now, but this is what we signed up for. We never expected them to be with us forever, and it’s not like the carpet was pulled out from under us. We’ve been doing more visitations and things have been going well. This was always going to be the next step.”

“It doesn’t make it any easier saying goodbye though,” Ani says quietly, pressing her lips to the top of Pippa’s head. “Jess, you guys practically raised those kids. You did everything for them, you helped them trust you and understand that they can talk to you about anything. It makes sense if you find it hard to say goodbye or talk about this like it’s normal. It’s not normal, Jess, even if this was always the outcome that was going to happen.”

Jess gently places the last folded blanket on top of the pile, collapsing onto the sofa beside Ani. “I’m trying to think about it positively,” she admits, tying her hair into a braid before untangling it. “Them going home means their dad is doing well and is able to be their parent again. They’ll get to sleep in their own rooms in their own beds. They’ll get back to a little bit of normalcy, I guess, and they get to continue working on their relationship with their dad.”

“For us, we get to enjoy Pippa totally to ourselves, and we get to find a routine that’s just the three of us,” she says, swallowing. “But honestly, that’s all the positives I can think of. There aren’t - this is about the kids benefiting, and god, they are.”

“They are, but you’re allowed to celebrate what they’re gaining while mourning what you’re losing.”

Faced with that fact, the thought of being able to be upset when it’s clearly a time to celebrate, Jess blows out a breath.

Maybe Ani’s right. Maybe this doesn’t have to be as black and white as Jess is making it seem in her head. She can still be happy for Carter and Willow, celebrate the achievement and everything it took to get them here, while also letting herself be sad and not convince herself to be happy when it doesn’t feel right.

--

Desperate to separate work from family time, Justin does his best to avoid checking his email over the weekends. His colleagues know that any urgent situation can be solved by calling him, and instead he focuses on Willow’s soccer games or hanging out with Carter and working on football, or more recently, watching Pippa grow and learn things at what feels like a mile a minute.

So today, when Melanie’s name lights up his work phone, Justin automatically fears the worst. He thinks about her calling to say that they sped up the reunification, or maybe something went wrong and it needs to be delayed. He thinks about how maybe it’s about a totally different case and he’ll need to work late to complete interviews and find an emergency placement.

But instead, when Melanie answers the phone, it’s clear that there’s good news on the other line. “I’m sorry if this scared you, but I didn’t want to wait until Monday,” she prefaces, and Justin paces the kitchen while he waits for her to continue. “Mark has agreed that he wants to keep your communication open with the kids. He thinks it’ll be good for all of you to help raise Carter and Willow, and hopefully he’ll be able to ask questions when he needs to as well.”

Justin’s eyes widen, his hand running through his hair. “Yeah, of course,” he nods quickly, holding his finger up when Jess walks in the room to give him a minute. “We’d be more than happy to help whenever needed. I can’t wait to tell everyone,” he smiles, hanging up and turning to Jess as she continues making popcorn for movie night.

“That was Melanie,” he begins, watching his wife pull the bowls down slowly, turning back cautiously. “Mark has agreed to keep communication open, and he thinks it’d be best if he can ask us questions as well when he feels he needs to.”

“Please tell me you said yes,” Jess asks, dishing out the popcorn into individual bowls. “Please tell me that means we don’t have to say goodbye completely.”

Justin smiles, walking over to hug her. “Of course I said yes,” he promises, kissing just behind her ear. “Now we get to go out there and tell them.”

“They’re going to die,” Jess smiles, shaking her head. “God, I can’t believe we get to keep them in our lives. This doesn’t have to be a goodbye, goodbye. It’s like we'll still be here but you just won’t be with us every day goodbye.”

Justin laughs, nodding. “There has to be a better way to phrase that than what you just said,” he smirks, kissing the side of her head.

Reaching around her, he takes his own bowl of popcorn and Carter’s, following Jess back out to the living room.

“Did you guys decide on a movie?” she asks, handing Willow her bowl of popcorn as she and Carter both nod. “Good, but before we watch it, Justin and I have some news to tell the two of you.”

While there’s no real good way to preface what they’re about to say, the cautiousness on both of their faces makes her realize there was probably a better way to go about it.

“I just got off the phone with Melanie. She let me know that your dad agreed to keep in contact with us once you’re back with him, which means we won’t have to stop seeing or talking to each other.”

“Really?” Willow asks, leaning forward and setting her popcorn on the side table. “You’re not telling a joke?”

“We’re not joking, kiddo,” Justin smiles, laughing when Willow scrambles forward and jumps into Jess’ arms.

Carter shifts, pulling a handful of popcorn from the bowl before letting it fall back out of his hand. “So there’s no restrictions to talking to you guys?”

Justin sits beside him, shrugging. “I mean, there will probably be some rules your dad sets, and we’ll follow those. But no, nothing from the courts that’s in place to stop us from talking. We’re free to have open contact, come to your football games and have you guys come over if you want. We’ll figure it out with your dad and make sure everyone is on the same page and that they’re happy.”

Blowing out a breath, Carter nods, smiling. “Yeah, okay,” he sas, letting the information sink in as he looks up. “I convinced Willow to watch an animated movie that has absolutely nothing to do with princesses. Can we turn it on before she changes her mind? You know she’ll convince Jess that we should watch a princess movie if we wait too long.”

Laughing, Justin nods. “You’re right, we need to get it on before she can sway Jess to take her side and we both lose,” he agrees, reaching for the remote and turning the movie on.

Jess settles onto the sofa beside him, resting in his arms while Willow presses against her side, and for the first time since finding out the date that Carter and Willow would be leaving, Jess and Justin no longer feel that aching in their chest as the minutes tick by.

They feel oddly settled, like they’re exactly where they're meant to be, and everything that’s still uncertain will fall into place.

It’s all they could’ve ever asked for.

--

“Where’s Justin?”

Carter announces himself in the room as Jess sits at the kitchen table, trying to ease herself back into work. She looks up, smiling and closing her laptop when he comes to sit down.

“Putting Pippa to bed, and then helping Willow with bathtime,” she says, stretching her arms out in front of her. “Pippa was fussy all day, and I just needed a break. Do you need help with something?”

Carter shrugs, setting his phone down. “I was thinking about looking for jobs. Nothing big, just something to do on the weekends or something to make a little extra money,” he shrugs. “I was going to ask Justin to help, but if you’re not busy, could you?”

“I don’t need any other excuse to stop looking at briefs,” she laughs, reopening her laptop. “Do you have any ideas of where you’d like to work? Most places in Evergreen are good about limiting student work hours, so you won’t have to worry about being scheduled too much or them being upset if you ask for less hours.”

Nodding, Carter rests his head in his hand. “I was thinking somewhere in town. That way I can walk if I have to since it’s near my house.”

Jess nods. “I worked at the Crestmont when I was your age, and Justin worked at Monet’s. They both worked for us. Want to apply to those at least to start with? And we can think of other places as we keep going?”

Carter smiles, agreeing as he takes Jess’ laptop and starts filling out the application. “I can see you working at a movie theater, but Justin at Monet’s?”

Jess laughs, nodding. “Don’t get him started on it. He will talk for hours about how he was the best barista Monet’s ever saw, how he was a natural at it and how the only reason he left was because he was off to bigger and better things. You start that conversation and you’re never getting out of it. You’ve been warned now.”

“Do you think if I ask him to make me a drink he’d do it?”

“I do,” Jess smiles, “and then I think we’ll still have to hear about his skills as a barista. But if you wanted to work at Monet’s, he’d have all the tips and tricks you could ever need.”

Carter finishes filling out the application, shrugging. “That doesn’t sound like the worst job in the world. Maybe I will take him up on teaching me his tricks.”

Jess smiles, helping with the Crestmont application and applying to a few other places in town, thankful for the welcomed distraction of easing back into work and a chance to spend one on one time with Carter once more.

--

After successfully getting Pippa down for the night, Justin takes the baby monitor and walks back down to Pippa’s bedroom, smiling when he finds her buried under her blankets.

“You already got yourself tucked in without me?” he asks, shutting the door partly behind him and setting the monitor on the nightstand. “Are we reading more of the same book, or do you want something different for tonight?”

Willow wiggles over to make room, sighing. “I don’t want anything tonight,” she mumbles, leaning into Justin as he lays next to her. “I just want you to stay extra long and cuddle because I don’t feel good and I don’t want to be alone.”

Her rambling, the lie and how quickly it comes out, is reminiscent of what Justin remembers doing when he was her age. He remembers faking sick, trying to find different ways for his mom to pay attention and spend time with him. It’s different circumstances, he knows, but he also knows that she’s doing it for a reason.

So, doing what he wishes his mom would have done for him, Justin reaches around and presses the back of his hand against her forehead, frowning. “You do feel a little warm,” he says, reaching for the blanket at the end of her bed and pulling it over them. “You just want to lay here and do nothing? You don’t even want to listen to me read to you?”

As he sinks down against her pillows, Willow pulls herself closer, resting her cheek against his shoulder. “I just want to lay here with you,” she mumbles, eyes fluttering slowly. “Maybe we can read in a few minutes.”

Nodding, Justin turns the bedside light off, just leaving the one light in the corner on. The room is quiet, still, and for a moment, Justin has to think about if this is the first time it’s ever been so still with Willow since the first few days she came to stay with them. He revels in the moment, allowing himself to relax as Willow’s breathing is even against his t-shirt, warming his skin with each breath.

“I have to tell you something,” Willow mumbles, voice distant and quiet.

Justin shifts, smiles, and cranes his neck to kiss the top of her head. “What do you have to tell me, kid?”

“I don’t feel sick,” she admits, lifting her head to look up at him with an innocent smile. “I just wanted to cuddle because I’m going to miss you.”

If there’s a way to make his heart swell and then shatter all in one go, he’s pretty sure Willow found a way to do it. Her sentiment about wanting to spend time with him, only to crush him by talking about how she was going to miss him had made him want to lock the doors and not let anything change for the foreseeable future.

“Guess what,” he manages to say, grateful when his voice doesn’t shake. “I’m going to miss you more.”

“No way,” Willow giggles, pushing the blankets off of them. “But we can still see each other, right?”

“We can,” Justin smiles, smoothing his hand through his curls. “We’ll have to talk to your dad about how much, but we can see you and there doesn’t have to be rules other than what your dad says.”

Willow shifts, leaning over Justin to look at the baby monitor. “So I can still play with Hudson?” she asks, eyes watching as Pippa sleeps.

“You can,” Justin nods, not bothering to explain that she could have always still hung out with Hudson.

“And I can still see Pippa?”

Laughing, Justin rests his hand on her back to stop her from falling as she reaches for the monitor. “You can,” he says. “You can watch her grow up and teach her things when she gets bigger.”

“Good!” Willow exclaims, falling back against the pillows and holding the baby monitor out in front of them. “Look how cute she looks!”

“She’s just sleeping, Wills,” Justin smiles, steadying the monitor as he watches her, entranced.

“Yeah, but she looks so cute! I want to go snuggle with her.”

“We are absolutely not going in there and waking her up,” Justin groans, setting the monitor back on the table. “She has been cranky all day.”

“I was never cranky when I was a baby.”

“I bet you weren’t,” Justin laughs, reaching out and tickling her.

She squeals, covering her mouth with her hands with a smile, and falls against Justin in a fit of giggles, bedtime long forgotten about.

--

Matt had gone all out with dinner, spreading roasted vegetables, chicken, and sides across the dining room table when everyone arrived.

Justin had played it off to Carter like this was just something Matt did sometimes, indulging his love of cooking and providing for his family.

He didn’t mention that the first time he remembers Matt making a dinner like this was the night before Justin took the stand in Hannah’s case, where all of them were uncertain on what it would mean for Justin, and cautiously worried that things would change the following day.

He doesn’t mention that the last time he remembers Matt making a meal like this was when Jess had had a miscarriage, grief passing through she and Justin in waves, the longingess of wanting to be with her parents stronger than ever before. Matt made all of Jess’ favorites that evening, and when she and Justin fell asleep on the sofa, they let them be, allowing them to spend the night curled up together in the safety of their home.

So no, this wasn’t a normal occurrence, at least not this elaborate, but Justin welcomed it every time he felt he needed a little more comfort.

“I had some free time, it was a gloomy day, and Lainie was getting some things done around the house. I thought it’d be fun to make a nicer dinner for all of us instead of what we normally have.”

“What you guys normally have is still way better than what we ever have,” Carter marvels with a smile.

Matt smiles proudly, reaching for the bowl of rolls and passing them around the table. “Well, I hope you like this.”

They pass everything around the table, Jess helping Willow as she and Hudson laugh with each other quietly. Justin listens to the quiet conversations of Lainie and Carter, who talk about school and football and upcoming events that Carter thinks he may attend with his friends. It all feels normal, like their lives aren’t going to drastically change in a little over a week, and it leaves Justin with an uncertain feeling pooling at the pit of his stomach.

“Feels weird that this is going to be the last dinner like this,” Clay says quietly beside Justin, looking at his brother. “I mean, I know you guys will still have contact, but maybe it won’t be like this again.”

“Maybe it won’t,” Justin nods, reaching to take Pippa from Matt’s arms when she fusses so he can eat.

“Are you okay with that?”

“I’m trying to be,” Justin shrugs, taking a bite of his food as he rocks Pippa. “It doesn’t really matter if I’m okay with it. There will still be times we can all have time together, and it’s the best time for them to go back to their dad. We can’t change it.”

Clay nods, offering to take Pippa for a minute. “You’re handling it really well,” he comments, smiling when Justin rolls his eyes.

“Naomi, when we go back with our dad, can we still play with Hudson?” Willow asks, breaking up the conversation at the table.

Noami smiles, reaching for her napkin. “Of course! We’ll make sure that you two still get to play together as often as possible, okay?”

“Okay,” WIllow smiles, reaching forward for more vegetables.

Justin watches Matt and Lainie share a glance. “Maybe this isn’t the best time, but we just want to say it now,” Lainie says, setting her fork down and looking around the table. “Carter and Willow, you guys have been such a joy to have in our family. We feel so lucky to know the two of you, and we’re so proud of the people you’ve become. We’d love it if we continued hearing from you both, but we understand if maybe you don’t want to share, or if we’re too distant.”

Willow smiles, promising that she’ll still see them once Jess reassures her that she’s able to see them. Carter nods, setting his fork down.

“Thanks for letting us be part of your family. You didn’t have to be so nice to us, but I’m glad we got to come over here and spend time with you guys.”

Lainie softens, tilting her head with a smile. “Of course, sweetheart. We’re so glad we were able to have you two as part of our family. You’ll keep in touch?”

“Yeah,” Carter smiles, the easiest agreement he’s made in years.

Justin thinks back to those first few months he lived with the Jensens, long before adoption was even on the table. He remembers Matt and Lainie’s reassurance and promise that they would be there for him whenever he needed, that they wanted to help in any way that they could, he just needed to ask.

He knew that part of them hadn’t left, but it left him with a warm feeling knowing that they still treated Carter and Willow the same way they treated him, even despite the vastly different outcome.

--

It’s rare that Justin has visitors he knows in his office, but when Charlie and Alex arrive with the forms they needed to fill out and the exciting news that they’ve been approved for an adoption with a woman who is unable to provide for her child once she’s born.

“This is exciting, guys! And you get a few months to prepare since she isn’t due yet,” Justin smiles, guiding them through the forms. “How are you feeling?”

“Terrified,” Alex admits, signing off on his line. “I mean, I was nervous to begin with, but now we know we’re having a little girl. How are we going to adjust to that?”

“He tends to think of worst case scenarios all the time,” Charlie offers, shrugging.

Justin laughs. “Oh, I know,” he reminds him, leaning back. “You’ll figure it out. Tons of YouTube videos on how to do hair when she gets to that point. But you’ll figure out how to parent with time, you just have to do it.”

Alex nods. “May need to get some tips from you on how to do hair.”

“You’re better off asking Jess, although my hairstyles are getting more advanced,” Justin smirks. “You guys are going to be fucking incredible dads. You know that, right?”

Charlie grins, his cheeks flushing at the compliment, and Alex ducks his head.

“I think if we’re half the dad you are, we’ll be okay,” Charlie smiles, singing the rest of the papers and putting them back in his bag. “How are you feeling about your changes coming up?”

Justin sighs, shrugging. “It comes in waves,” he admits, tapping his pen against his hand. “I’m glad that they get to be back with their dad, who’s in a much better place, but selfishly, I wish we could have them with us longer.”

“You still get visitation though, right?” Alex asks.

Nodding, Justin turns and looks towards him. “We have open visitation, and we’ll set more guidelines later, but it’s helping ease the transition a little knowing this doesn’t have to be a formal and final goodbye.”

“If there’s anyone who can navigate that transition, it’s you and Jess,” Charlie reassures him. “Can you believe we’re here? You guys completing your first foster placement, us adopting a little girl?” he asks, sitting down beside Alex.

Justin smiles. “You, absolutely?” he says. “Me? Not a chance in hell I ever saw myself here.”

“Gotta agree with Justin on this one. I definitely didn’t see myself here,” Alex smiles. “But I’m glad that I am. That both of us are.”

“I’m glad you both are,” Charlie says, looking between them both as he takes Alex’s hand, squeezing.

--

In the quiet of their room, the only noise provided by Pippa sleeping and Jess quietly scrolling through Instagram, Justin finds himself staring at the ceiling.

He knows he’s not alone in his thoughts, that Jess is struggling with letting go, but she’d been comforted by the fact that this isn’t an actual goodbye.

That comforted him for a moment, and then he remembered what constant contact looked like in his own life.

It meant older women who took care of him in emergency foster care promising that they’d be there for him in the future, only to not answer the door on the rare occurrence he actually took them up on his offer when he was 8.

It was the shame he found in going back to the homes that had welcomed him for a few nights when he was a teenager, not wanting to intrude or overstep despite their insistence that he could drop by whenever he needed.

And then there was Matt and Lainie.

It was the disbelief he felt when Matt and Lainie not only promised him a home whenever he needed it, but visited him in juvenile detention, signed off on emergency custody to get him out of jail when his mom didn’t show, and then offered to adopt him. He knows they’re the exception, their actions far and above anything he’s ever experienced, and more than what any foster kid is accustomed to.

He wanted to be like Matt and Lainie, wanted to make sure they knew that they’d always be there, constantly supporting them in whatever they needed, but he feared that Carter and Willow would be similar to him and shy away from the help.

“Are you going to lay still at some point?” Jess teases when Justin turns again for what feels like the thousandth time, locking her phone and looking over at him.

Justin sighs, turning on his side to face her. “I’m not ready to let go,” he admits, voice just above a whisper. “This fostering, being able to give kids the temporary home life I always needed, I needed something like this. And now that it’s ending, I just feel lost.”

He sucks in a breath, reaching out for Jess’ hand. “I’m not saying that I don’t find purpose in being your husband and Pippa’s dad. You know you both are the best things to ever happen to me,” he clarifies. “I just - I needed to feel like I could right a lot of what went wrong for me. And I got that with being a foster dad.”

“You seemed so settled from the minute they got here,” she replies quietly. “And I know you love Pippa and I more than anything, I’ve never once doubted that, but I understand why you felt like this was purposeful. You got to give kids a life that you didn’t get. And now we have to say goodbye to at least the daily routine we’re used to, and that’s hard.”

“I don’t think it magically gets easier,” she whispers, brushing her finger across his knuckles. “But we’ll figure it out, okay? And if you need to take time off or go to more meetings than what you go to now, I’ll support you a million percent.”

Justin nods. “I just want to speed all my time with you and Pippa, and we’re going to take it one day at a time,” he says, pulling himself closer to her. “I love you.”

“Love you more,” Justin smiles, kissing his hand as she pulls herself closer, drifting off to sleep.

Chapter Text

Jess had read a million articles, forums and guides on how to be the best foster parent and what to expect when they received their first placement. She researched best techniques to make the kids feel comfortable, navigated through research about outbursts and feelings from foster kids as they adjusted to a new environment, and applied everything she could as they all made the adjustments.

She hadn’t read about the reunification process and how it would make her feel like her heart was shattering into a million little pieces with each little step they took towards them leaving.

Carter and Willow’s bags had been packed since just after dinner, placing the last of their things in their duffel bag and leaving them in the kitchen. Jess had folded things neatly and organized with her bottom lip pulled between her teeth, biting it in a lame attempt to not cry. She could hear the laughter carrying from upstairs, Justin savoring one last night of the bedtime routine, and wondered how she was going to be able to join them in a few minutes without falling apart.

She zipped their bags with such care and ease almost as if she could do it slow enough, the moment where they had to say goodbye would never come. She then pulled herself upstairs to join in on one more story time with Willow before saying goodbye.

What she wasn’t expecting to find was everyone piled on Carter’s bed, Pippa resting in Carter’s arms while Willow leaned against them, Justin on her other side.

“I know I said I would put Pippa to bed before we did bedtime with Wills, but come on,” Justin smiles, gesturing to the pile in bed beside him. “We needed to have one more night of this.”

Rolling her eyes, Jess walks around the bed and climbs in beside Justin. “You’re right, we did,” she agrees, leaning her head on her husband’s shoulder. “No staying up late, though. We have to be up pretty early, and the last thing we need are cranky kids.”

“We just have to finish the book. It won’t take long!” Willow promises, leaning towards Justin to turn to the page they’d left off on, reading out loud for everyone.

Jess stares down the bed, her little family all crammed in beside each other, and wills herself not to cry.

She watches Carter hold Pippa, her hands wrapped around his fingers as he holds them out in front of them. She listens to Willow read the book with an ease she hadn’t had those first few weeks, smiling as she eagerly turns the page and shows Pippa each illustration. She watches Justin beam with pride at the whole moment, fully immersed and in love with how it’s going.

She feels her heart swell a million sizes, the warmth spreading through her chest and down her ribcage, and wishes to stay in this moment for the rest of the night.

Their quick story time extends far past the bedtime they normally had for their kids, time forgotten about in favor of savoring their last night together.

--

“Do you feel like your letters are too sappy or sentimental?” Justin asks, tapping his pen against the paper he and Jess had been writing quick notes to Carter and Willow on. “I don’t want it to feel like this letter they have to treasure for the rest of their lives. I mean, we’re still going to see them, so it’s not a goodbye letter, you know?”

Jess laughs, turning. “I think maybe we’re overthinking this,” she decides, setting her pen down. “Let’s just write them a letter each and sign it from both of us. It’s way easier that way, and I think it’ll make this feel less permanent. You’re right, we are still going to see them, there’s no need to make these huge love declaration letters.”

They turn to an open notebook page, beginning again, and spend long into the night making them perfect.

Dear Carter,

Over the last several months, we’ve been able to see you grow and change from this boy who felt the need to take care of his little sister to a teenager who only had to worry about hanging out with his friends, working on his football skills, and still looking out for his sister (just maybe a little less than before).

Getting to be your foster parents was our greatest honor. To know you, to be in your presence, and to watch you grow into the person you’ve become has been our greatest joy. We are so grateful that you came into our lives, and we’re proud to continue to watch you grow and accomplish every dream you could ever think of.

We hope you don’t stop caring for your sister, but still take time to just be a normal teenager. Stop saying no to every party or hang out with your friends. Your sister is safe, taken care of, and you deserve to have fun.

We will always be here whenever you need it, and are so lucky to have you as part of our family forever. We love you and want the best for you. Feel free to stop by whenever you want or need, no phone calls necessary. Our home is always open.

Love,

Justin and Jess

“I don’t think we’re going to get it much better than that,” Justin laughs. “Now we just have to write Willow’s.”

Jess nods, pulling out another piece of paper and setting it between the two of them.

Dear Willow,

Our lives have been so much brighter since you came into it. From that very first day you walked into our house, your pretty curls bouncing and the way you hung by Carter, nervous, we fell in love with you.

You are the sweetest, happiest, and funniest little human we’ve ever had the pleasure of meeting, and we are so grateful that we can consider you part of our family forever now.

We have loved being there for you and watching you grow over the last months. You always knew what you wanted and worked hard to get it, and we are always so proud of you.

We can’t wait to watch you keep growing up, and we know that you’re going to be the best at teaching Pippa everything she needs to know as she gets bigger. We can’t wait to see you two grow up together.

As you grow up, we will always be here for you. If you have a question, or you want our help with something, you are always welcome to come over without asking. Our house is always open to you. We can’t wait to watch you grow and learn as you get older, and we are so grateful we get to continue to spend time with you.

Love,

Justin and Jess

Jess’ fingers shake as she folds the letter and places it neatly in the envelope, walking and resting both letters on top of their things. “I think we need to just go to bed before I think about this too much and end up spending the entire night crying.”

Justin smiles, reaching out and pulling her against his side as they walk upstairs. “We’ll make it through tomorrow one moment at a time. It’s the only way,” he reassures her, kissing the side of her head and leading her upstairs, quietly getting ready for bed without saying anything else.

--

Jess wakes up feeling like she’s been kicked in the stomach.

She hadn’t slept well, tossing and turning and falling into a light slip every once in a while. Pippa waking up was a welcomed distraction, but the thought of saying goodbye in the morning was never far from her mind.

Evidently, it wasn’t far from anyone’s mind.

Justin is sluggish to get out of bed and get the day going, taking his time in the shower and getting Pippa ready for the day.

Carter drags himself to the breakfast table, going through the motions of setting the table while Jess finishes cooking, a frown fixed on his face.

Even Willow, who usually smiled and remained upbeat through situations that weren’t necessarily happy, dragged her feet across the hardwood and climbed up into her chair at the table, sinking down and watching Jess put breakfast on the table.

“We have to get going soon, okay?” Jess says as Carter pushes his pancake through the syrup, nodding. “I know it’s not ideal, but we really can’t be late.”

“We won’t be,” Carter promises, glancing at Willow. “Wills, eat the rest of your pancake, okay? We have to go brush our teeth in a few minutes.”

Willow looks up, blinking, and sighs. “But if I eat slower then we won’t have to leave so soon.”

“It doesn’t work that way, kiddo,” Justin smiles. “We have to be there at 10, which means we have to leave soon. We can’t be late.”

Sighing, Willow eats each bite at her own pace, carrying her plate to the sink when she finishes and disappearing upstairs without waiting for Carter.

“She’s just sad. She’ll be better once we’re actually saying goodbye,” Carter promises, smiling when Jess nods.

“We know, sweetheart,” she assures him, watching Justin clear the table as she feeds Pippa. “Why don’t you go brush your teeth and get the last of your things, okay? Let us know if either of you need help.”

Carter agrees quietly, helping Justin clear the table before going upstairs to finish getting ready.

When the two of them return, Justin helps them put the last of their things in their bag. “Jess and I wrote you both little notes,” he says, handing them the envelopes. “You don’t have to read them now or anything, but we just wanted to make sure they didn’t get ruined in your bags.”

“You didn’t have to do that,” Carter says, holding his note firmly in his hand. “But thank you. We’ll read them when we get home,” he promises, taking Willow’s from her to keep it safe.

Once reassuring them that they had everything and nothing had been left behind, Justin helps carry their things out to the car, Jess bringing Pippa out as they all pile in, ready to drive towards Justin’s office to complete the reunification.

Justin’s hand doesn’t leave Jess’ the entire ride, the radio replaced by Willow talking to Pippa the entire way, cheering when she managed to get a smile out of her.

--

Justin had been through plenty of reunifications in his life.

As a child, he remembers standing in court rooms while his mother was released from custody and declared a fit parent. He remembers the nervousness he felt more than a handful of times, worried that maybe his mother had cheated the system or maybe they just didn’t think he was in as bad of a situation as other kids were.

As a social worker, he’s been in the room as the reunification happens. Tears of joy mixed with sadness at the thought of leaving their long term foster families prevalent with each one. He always found himself having a heavy heart for the rest of the day, understanding both sides so uniquely that he knows most others don’t.

He doesn’t believe that Carter and Willow are slipping through the cracks of the system. He’s seen how great their dad is doing, and largely agrees with Melanie that this is the right time to complete the reunification. But it doesn’t make it any easier for any of them.

Mark is already there when they arrive, smiling and hugging Willow, squeezing Carter’s shoulder when he walks over to say hello to him. Justin leaves Carter and Willow’s things by the door, saying a quick hello to Melanie.

“We just have to have you both sign some forms, and then we’ll be good to go,” Melanie explains, leading them over to the table while Carter and Willow go over to Pippa, Carter carefully pulling her out of her seat and sitting on the sofa with Willow, the two of them talking and playing with Pippa.

Jess watches Mark sign his side, handing the papers to Justin for him to sign. “We brought you some notes that have our phone numbers on them,” she says carefully, sliding the sheet of paper across the table to Mark. “It’s nothing new that I’m sure you don’t already know, but we wrote down their favorite snacks and dinners in case they just ask for them without telling you what they are.”

Mark nods, thanking her quietly. “I’m really grateful for what the two of you have done,” he says, looking between them both. “You sacrificed a huge part of your life to help raise my children. It shouldn’t have had to happen in the first place, but since it did, I’m glad that they were safe and taken care of with both of you. There was a lot I worried about over the last several months, but my children’s safety was never something I had to worry about.”

Mark taps his fingers against the table, sighing. “When we had visits, both of them would always speak so highly of the two of you. It was a lot to get used to, especially in the beginning when I was so resentful that people thought my children needed to be taken from me, but then I realized what a blessing it was for my children to have adults in their lives that they loved so much, especially after a rough few years,” he smiles. “I hope you don’t mind us checking in now and then. I know I’m their parent, but I’m sure there’s instances where you know what they need more than I do, and I would be grateful for any help or tips that you’d be able to give me.”

“Of course,” Jess smiles, blinking back tears. “Carter and Willow both know that our door is always open if they feel like they need something but aren’t ready to talk to you about it, but we would be more than happy to help you whenever you need. You can call or text us at any hour of the day.”

“Thank you,” he smiles, shaking both of their hands.

Melanie files the papers, looking back between the three of them. “I’ll give you guys a few minutes to say your goodbyes,” she says, excusing herself from the room to give them some time alone.

Mark takes a step back, allowing Carter and Willow to say their goodbyes to Jess and Justin privately.

Carefully taking Pippa from Carter’s arms, Jess leans forward and hugs him tightly. “We are so proud of you, and we love you so much,” she whispers against his shoulder, leaning back to kiss his cheek. “Whenever you need us, just call, okay? No matter what time it is, we’re always here for you.”

“I know,” Carter whispers, his voice shaking as he pulls back and rubs at his eyes. “I promise I won’t disappear. I love you.”

She smiles, letting him say goodbye to Pippa, holding her again and kissing her cheek. “I can’t wait to see how big you are next time!” he smiles, stroking her cheek until she smiles.

Justin walks to Willow, letting her jump into his arms, squeezing her tight against his chest. “I love you so much, kiddo,” he whispers, stroking his fingers through her hair. “Jess and I are always here if you need us, okay? We’ll see you soon.”

“I’m gonna miss you so much,” she whimpers, sniffling as she buries her head into the crook of his neck. “We can see each other really soon?”

“We can see each other really soon,” he promises, kissing her cheek. “You be good, okay? Keep doing really well in school.”

“I will,” she promises, hugging him and kissing his cheek again before wriggling down and walking over to Jess and Pippa, leaning against Jess’ side as she reaches out to take Pippa’s hand.

“I’m sad, Jess,” she whispers, leaning her head against Jess’ shoulder. “But Justin said we can see you really soon.”

Jess smiles, rubbing at her eye with her free hand. “I’m sad too, babe, but Justin’s right, we will see each other again soon, okay?”

“Okay,” she nods. “Can you send Carter pictures of Pippa so I can still see her when we aren’t there?”

“Of course,” Jess promises, turning to look at Willow. “You be really good for your dad, okay? Keep working hard, be nice to everyone, and we’ll see each other very soon.”

Willow sniffles, rubbing her eyes, and nods. “Okay,” she whispers, leaning forward and hugging Jess. “I love you.”

“I love you more,” Jess promises, kissing the side of her head and holding her in her arms for a while. “Pippa loves you too, look how happy she is we’re all hugging!”

Willow laughs, holding Pippa’s hand. “You think it’s funny? We’re all snuggling!” she giggles, leaning forward to kiss her. “I love you, Pippa. I’ll see you really soon!”

Justin watches, Carter coming over and hugging him. “I’m proud of you, kid. I don’t think I told you that enough,” Justin says, leaning back to look at Carter. “Promise me you won’t shoulder the burden of raising your sister? And you’ll keep putting effort in with your dad?”

“I promise,” Carter says with a smile. “I mean, I’ll do my best, but it’ll take some work.”

“As long as you’re working at it,” Justin laughs, hugging him again. “I love you, Carter. Call if you need anything. No matter what time it is, we’ll be there.”

“Thank you,” he whispers, not bothering to brush away his tears. “I love you, too.”

Stepping back, Justin and Jess watch as Mark says his goodbyes, helping Carter and Willow grab their things as Melanie walks outside with them.

Justin walks towards his wife, laughing as they both look at each other crying, and hugs her tight, Pippa resting between them. “We can do this,” he whispers, rubbing her back. “Want to go get lunch somewhere? Take a break?”

“I just want to go to your parents,” she whispers, laughing as she shakes her head. “Sorry, I know that’s ridiculous, but they always know how to comfort us, and it’s acceptable to burst into tears at their house and not quite as acceptable in a restaurant. Plus I don’t want to be alone with just us yet.”

Laughing, Justin agrees and texts them to give them a heads up, taking Pippa from Jess and getting her ready to go.

The car ride doesn’t feel the same, and as they drive and mask the silence with the radio, both Jess and Justin feel like their chests have caved in, leaving them different than they were before all of this.

--

The best thing about being at Matt and Lainie’s is knowing that they didn’t need to say anything. Matt and Lainie never forced conversation, and, as they walked through the front door, Lainie wrapped them both in hugs, taking Pippa’s car seat from Justin’s hand and carefully taking her out, resting her against her chest.

“Matt’s finishing up something for lunch,” she says quietly, bouncing gently until Pippa settles against her. “Even if you’re not hungry, you both should eat. But for now, go rest. I can take care of her.”

“There’s bottles in the diaper bag, or I can just feed her when she’s hungry,” Jess says quietly.

Lainie stops her, resting her hand on her arm. “Sweetheart, I’ve got it, okay? Go sit down, give yourself a break. If I need you, I promise I’ll let you know.”

Relaxing, Jess nods and walks past her, joining Justin on the sofa, curling up against his side.

They eat lunch as a group, returning to the sofa once finished and curling up together. Matt takes his time cleaning up in the kitchen before joining them, sitting in the chair across from them.

“I’m not going to pretend like we know how you two are feeling, because anything we went through with Justin was not as permanent as this,” he begins. “Do you two want to talk about anything at all, or would you rather just sit here and watch a movie or something?”

Justin shifts, shaking his head. “We’re just going to watch something, but maybe we can talk after?”

Matt smiles, resting his hands on his knees. “Whenever you two are ready to talk, Lainie and I will be here,” he promises. “We’ll take care of Pippa, don’t worry about her, okay? Today has been heavy, and you two deserve a break,” he says, standing and kissing both of their heads, walking back to help Lainie.

They stay until the sun sets over the trees and Matt offers to make something for dinner, politely declining in favor of going home and getting on instead of wallowing.

Lainie holds them both tight, Justin wrapping his arms around her and resting his cheek on her shoulder. “Thank you for today,” he says quietly, allowing her to hold him longer than she has in years.

“I’m glad you came to us,” she says quietly in return, and the pride in her voice isn’t lost on Justin. “Whenever you need us, we’re right here, okay? Even if you just want us to take Pippa for a few hours so you two can have some alone time.”

“You just want to take Pippa for a few hours,” Justin teases.

Lainie pulls back, shaking her head. “Well, maybe,” she teases. “But I’m just as interested in making sure that you’re taking care of yourself. Whatever you need, if you need help getting there, your dad and I are here. And your brother, of course, if you’d rather have him.”

“I know,” Justin nods. “I love you.”

Lainie smiles, leaning forward and brushing her thumb against his cheek. “Love you, too,” she replies, standing with Matt in the doorway as the three of them make their way back to the car and go home.

--

Jess wasn’t sure when she’d ever feel like she could go into Carter and Willow’s rooms.

She felt silly for it, like maybe she was being too dramatic about this whole situation, but the thought of walking into their rooms to strip the beds and clean the sheets, or reorganize things and make sure the room was generic in the event they got a new foster placement, sent her stomach swirling and her head spinning.

So, when they get home and she finds herself wandering upstairs to do exactly what she had wanted to do, she even surprises herself.

What she isn’t expecting to find are envelopes resting on each of their beds, a small gift bag beside them.

She calls for Justin, who comes upstairs with Pippa in his arms, smiling when he realizes what she’s looking at. “The kids asked me to take them to the mall one day once we got their reunification date,” he offers, shrugging. “I didn’t really think anything of it, I told them not to spend money on us, but it looks like they did anyway.”

“You didn’t tell me that,” Jess says quietly, sitting down on the edge of Carter’s bed.

“They also made me swear that I wouldn’t ruin the surprise for you,” he smiles sheepishly, sitting down beside his wife. “Do you want to read what they wrote now, or would you rather wait?”

“Read them now,” Jess decides, her fingers shaking as she opens Carter’s letter first.

Dear Jess and Justin,

I’m not very good at letters, but I couldn’t leave without at least leaving you something.

Thanks for taking us in and fostering us when we had nowhere to go. I know we weren’t always the best kids, at least in the beginning, but hopefully you didn’t think we were the worst by the time we left :)

I’ll always be really grateful for how you welcomed Willow and I in and didn’t ask any questions. You never expected us to talk about what happened or want to share anything about our lives. You let us come to you. You have no idea how much that meant to me. I should’ve told you.

Thank you for letting Willow be a normal kid. Thank you for dealing with her being dramatic and testing the boundaries. She’s never had that before, even though I tried to give it to her, but I’m glad she got it here. I hope she knows how lucky she is to have had you guys - I know I’ll always remind her.

I know this isn’t really goodbye, but I’m going to miss you guys and living here. You gave me a stable house for the first time in my entire life, and I’ll never forget that. I hope you don’t mind when I stop by and eat dinner with you guys or just come hang out even if I don’t ask :)

The gift in the bag in my room is for both of you, and the gift in the bag in Willow’s room is for Pippa. Don’t cry about them. Or if you do, I’m rolling my eyes at you, just remember that :)

See you soon :)

Love,

Carter

Laughing as she finds herself already crying at the letter, Jess sets it down and pulls out a frame from the bag, the photo of the five of them the day Pippa came home from the hospital placed neatly behind the glass, all smiles and curled up together on the sofa.

Jess remembers how blissful the moment felt, and how thankful she was that Lainie captured the photo. She just cries more, laughing when she thinks about Carter rolling his eyes.

“Fuck, he didn’t tell me it’d be emotional,” Justin laughs, rubbing at his own eyes, and reaches forward for Willow’s letter. “Before we become even worse than we are, let’s read Willow’s.”

Dear Jess and Justin,

Thank you for letting us live with you! You were so nice and funny and I got to have a huge bed and all the stuffed animals I could ever dream of!

I had a lot of fun playing games with you and being on a soccer team. I’m glad that I met Hudson and got to help with Pippa all the time. Thank you for letting me!

I’m sad that we have to leave but you promised that we would see you soon. I can’t wait to see Pippa and keep teaching her things and see her get big.

You guys are the best ever.

I love you!

Love,
Willow

“God, I love them and they have me a mess,” Justin laughs as he reaches and grabs the bag from WIllow, smiling when he pulls out a stuffed dolphin. “Oh my god, all she ever wanted to do was get Pippa a bunch of stuffed animals.”

“She’s succeeding,” Jess laughs, wiping at her eyes as she leans over and takes the dolphin, showing Pippa. “Look, Pips, your best friend got you another animal!” she smiles, laughing when Pippa reaches clumsily for it, smiling.

“I can’t believe they’re back with their dad,” Justin says, leaning back on one side of Pippa as Jess moves to lay on the other side. “I know it’s what we wanted, and we were aiming for it and I’m so happy that we got there for them, but I just feel empty.”

“Me too,” Jess agrees, smoothing her hand over Willow’s head. “But we’ll figure this out, we’ll keep moving forward, and this isn’t goodbye. We’ll see them again soon enough, that much we know. We can do this, it won’t always be this hard.”

Nodding, Justin lazily reaches for his phone, smiling when he sees who it was.

“It’s Carter,” he says, leaning over Pippa to open the text with Jess.

We’re back home and things are going well. Just thought you’d want to know :) the letters were so nice and we loved them and I made sure they were put in a safe place so we can look at them when we need. Willow is currently laying in her bed with that bear you guys gave her when we first came, and I’m annoying her like always lol. Miss you guys :) Willow says to tell Pippa she says hi.

Attached is a picture of Carter and Willow smiling, the bear that now seems so long ago cuddled against Willow’s chest.

Laughing, Jess shakes her head and presses her lips to Pippa’s temple. She smiles when Justin takes a photo, watching him text back. “We’re all going to be okay,” she decides.

It’s the first time Justin believes her.

Chapter Text

The moments pass by in waves.

Both Justin and Jess find that finding a routine helps them the most. They focus on Pippa, going for long walks in the evening and getting out into town on the weekends. Justin keeps his work steady, easing back into more evening visits now that their evenings have cleared up, while Jess begins the first steps to returning from maternity leave, interviewing daycares and nannies for when she’s ready to go back to the office full time.

They still get updates from Carter almost every day, something as simple as he and WIllow are doing well, their dad is doing well, and anything that would’ve been concerning before has been fixed by their dad using what he learned. Eventually, after a few weeks, Carter started sharing good grades in his classes, and would oblige Willow’s requests to show photos of her drawings she did in art class, Pippa featuring in almost all of them.

Three months pass so slowly that it feels like time has stood still, and yet sometimes when Justin thinks about it, he feels like it’s passed in the blink of an eye.

They’ve seen Carter and Willow multiple times in those three months, afternoons at the park, or football games under the blazing summer sun. Mark has joined them for dinner a few times, but understanding that they wanted their time alone, he usually preferred to stay home, letting his kids have a few hours with Jess and Justin by themselves.

Jess had received a handful of texts from Mark in the beginning, questions about bedtime routines and homework techniques when Carter is struggling, but their conversations are cordial and sparse, and Jess finds herself enjoying the balance they seem to have found amongst a transition that could’ve gone much worse.

But when they arrive home after a family lunch at Matt and Lainie’s to see Carter and Willow waiting on the front step, Jess feels her heart leap out of her chest and the excitement bubbling deep inside her.

“Your best friend is here, Pip!” Jess smiles when they pull in the driveway, waiting until Justin parks before hopping out, grabbing her from her seat.

“What are you two doing here?” Justin asks with a smile, hugging them both as he leads them inside.

“We’re not going to stay long, but I just wanted to show you something,” Carter says, glancing between Justin and Jess, who’s putting Pippa on her playmat as Willow scrambles to lay next to her, laughing as Pippa smiles and rolls over to look at her.

When Jess joins them, Carter sets a piece of paper between them, a smile proudly displayed on his face.

“There have been a few colleges that told me they’re really interested in me for football,” Carter explains, the excitement in his voice more palpable than Jess and Justin ever remember it being before. “Obviously I still have to do well in school and keep my grades up, but I made that tape with Coach Dempsey and then they came out to a game, and they said they’d like to set up interviews with me to talk about the future.”

“Oh, Carter!” Jess smiles, hugging him tightly as she rubs his back. “I’m so proud of you! And look at these schools, all are incredible and they would be so lucky to have you.”

Ducking his head, Carter blushes. “Yeah, but do you really think I could get into all of these schools?” he asks, looking between her and Justin. “I mean, they can be interested, but I still have to get in, right?”

“You do,” Justin nods, smiling. “But you’re doing really well in school, your football skills keep getting better, and there’s no reason why you couldn’t get into all of these schools.”

“And if you want help with anything, even if it’s the application process or writing your personal essays, we can help you,” Jess reminds him gently.

Carter nods, taking the paper from Justin’s hands when he hands it back, and shoves it in his pocket. I’ll need your help. I could stop by after dinner sometimes? Once you guys have Pippa in bed?”

“Of course,” Jess nods, smiling. “If your dad is okay with it, we can have you and Willow over for dinner, and Justin or I could help you while Willow helps with bedtime again so you have that one on one time. Or, if you’d rather, it can just be you.”

Contemplating it for a moment, Carter shrugs. “I think maybe I’ll bring her sometimes, but sometimes I want you guys all to myself?” he asks tentatively.

Justin smiles. “Of course, kid. You can have us to yourself whenever you need, no questions asked,” he promises with ease, patting him on the back. “Do you need anything now?”

Carter shakes his head, looking back to the living room, where Pippa is laughing wildly at Willow making faces in front of her. “I’m okay. I’m working on the school part of the applications, but I’ll let you know when I need you,” he promises. “Willow has a question she wants to ask you.”

Making their way to the living room, Jess and Carter sit on the sofa while Justin crawls down to the floor with Pippa and Willow, resting his head on his hands.

“So, Wills, Carter told us you have a question for us,” Justin smiles, reaching out to roll the toy back towards Pippa.

Willow leans back, brushing her hair from her face. “I have a school concert and I want you guys to come,” she says quickly, eyes darting between Jess and Justin before she lays back down beside Pippa.

“Of course we’ll come, sweetheart,” Jess smiles. “We’ll talk to your dad and get the date and make sure we’re both there, okay?”

Beaming, Willow nods. “And you’ll bring Pippa?”

“Sure,” Justin nods, ignoring Jess’ worried look at the thought of bringing her out past bedtime. “If you want Pippa there, she’ll be there. But she might fall asleep.”

“That’s okay,” Willow shrugs, “she’s still cute when she sleeps. And I’ll still get to see her.”

Biting back a laugh, Jess nods. “Okay, sweetheart. Then she’ll be there and even if she’s sleeping, you can still say hi to her.”

Nodding, Willow turns back to Pippa, doing her best to bribe her to crawl.

“Now, is your dad expecting you home, or are you two allowed to stay for dinner?” Justin asks, leaning back against the front of the sofa.

Carter shrugs, pulling his feet up underneath him. “He has a work dinner he has to be at. He was going to leave us money to order pizza.”

“I’ll text him, make sure it’s okay if you stay,” Jess smiles. “He knew you were coming here?”

“Yeah, he knew,” Carter confirms. “He won’t care that we’re here, just as long as we’re not out late. He has a bedtime for Willow and everything.”

It’s the way he marvels at the fact of a routine and a bedtime that makes Jess feel the pang in her chest. It’s an understanding that it’s something so small, something she had been accustomed to her entire childhood, that’s new to him. Having a curfew, a routine, a bedtime is nothing Carter and Willow had before foster care, but that changing is a sign that things are getting better.

They’re a whole lot further ahead than they were at the start.

“Then we’ll have dinner, hang out, and I’ll drive you home,” Justin says with a smile, sharing a content smile with Jess as he leans back to grab a game to play while Jess makes dinner.

She listens to the chatter and conversation from the other room, and for the first time in months, her heart feels whole again.

--

Justin quickly comes to find that there’s only a certain group of people who appreciate a child’s school recital, and he now fits into that group. Despite the off-key singing and the dancing that Justin remembers hating when he was that age, he finds the whole thing adorable, and can’t help but smile when Willow spots them in the crowd sitting with Mark, waving excitedly.

“It was so nice of you two to come,” Mark says as the program ends, folding his program and sliding it into his coat pocket as he watches Carter squeeze past him to talk to Justin. “When Willow told me that she had invited you guys, I hesitated and thought about reaching out to let you know that you didn’t have to come if you didn’t want to. I know how persuasive she can be, I figured maybe she had just worked her charm to make you guys agree.”

Jess smiles, readjusting the blanket covering Pippa’s legs. “We were so happy when she asked us to come,” she reassures him. “We know the persuasive techniques she has, but honestly, this was the easiest yes we’ve said, no bribing needed.”

Mark nods, hesitating as he glances around, watching some kids float through the crowds towards their parents. “I was thinking about taking the kids to Rosie’s for milkshakes to celebrate,” he says, shrugging. “I know the kids would be over the moon if you guys wanted to join us, but I understand if you want to get Pippa home.”

Glancing into the carrier to see Pippa sleeping soundly, Jess smiles. “Honestly, she’s a pretty good sleeper. If you’re sure you want us there, we’d be happy to come join you guys. And if she wakes up and we have to leave, at least we got to spend some time with you all.”

Mark brightens, nodding. “That would be nice,” he says, their conversation cut off when Willow runs through the crowd, abruptly stopping when she realizes Pippa is asleep.

“Aw man, she didn’t stay awake,” she sighs, hugging Jess before turning and hugging her dad, laughing when Carter teases her when asking for a high five. “Did she sleep the whole time?”

“She saw the beginning,” Justin promises, leaning down to kiss the top of Willow’s head. “She was smiling and kicking her legs when you guys were singing. I think she loved it.”

“She probably did,” Willow smiles, smoothing her hand gently over the blanket before turning back to Mark. “Are we still going to go get milkshakes?”

“We are,” Mark smiles. “And I thought it would be nice if Jess and Justin came with us.”

Eyes widening, Willow turns back to look at Justin and Jess. “Will you guys come please?! Pippa can sleep in her seat, she’ll be okay!”

Jess laughs. “We are coming, love. Hopefully Pippa will stay asleep and we can all enjoy our milkshakes together.”

Jumping excitedly, Willow manages to lead everyone out to the car, promising to get a big table for everyone to sit at as she climbs into the back seat of her dad’s car.

--

Crowded around the table, milkshakes set in front of all of them, Justin laughs until his stomach hurts at Willow’s stories and recounts of everything they had missed over the last few weeks, her voice going a million miles a minute.

Mark joins in on the conversation, smiling when Carter mentions that he’d like to give them the schedule of his last few weeks of football in hopes that they would come.

“I know this whole situation feels a little weird,” Mark says quietly to Justin as the conversation continues in front of them. “But sitting here, seeing how happy my kids are to have you here, I know it was the right decision to keep you guys as included as possible.”

Justin nods, the warmth flowing through his chest. He thinks back to his own childhood, how this scenario never seemed obtainable, and smiles. “If you need us to back off, or they invite us places you’d rather just be the three of you, please just let us know. Jess and I are more than happy to be the bad cops and decline their invitations if you’d like.”

Mark waves his hand dismissively. “Look how happy they are,” he says, looking around the table as the three of them do a word search on Willow’s menu. “My kids love you guys. They didn’t have a good few years, Carter hasn’t had a great childhood, but when I look at them now, when I watch them do their homework or hang out at night, I can see how happy they are. I can’t thank you guys enough for bringing that out of them.”

Justin’s throat feels tight as he swallows roughly. “I wanted to give them the childhood that I didn’t get to have,” he admits quietly, looking back at Mark. “Thank you for putting the effort in, for continuing to put the effort in, and for reaching out when you need it. It’s not easy raising kids, but Jess and I want to be there whenever you need it.”

“Thank you,” Mark nods, voice sincere. He looks around the table, smiling as everyone finishes the last of their milkshakes. “Hey, guys, why don’t we take a picture of the four of you together,” he offers, nudging Justin over.

Willow climbs up into Justin’s lap as Carter leans closer to Jess, the four of them smiling while Pippa sleeps just beside the picture.

“We’ll just have to take another one when she’s awake,” Willow shrugs, moving back to her seat and picking up her crayons again.

A few moments later, Justin’s phone buzzes. It’s a group text with her, Mark and Jess, the photo attached.

He stares at the photo until it blurs in front of him. The teethy smiles, the way they cuddle close together surrounded by milkshakes, the moment frozen in time.

The whole situation isn’t perfect. Justin knows that there will be some give and take, some push and pull as to what happens next. He knows that not every moment will feel like this one. There’s going to be times where they don’t get invited to things, or moments where Mark understandably wants his kids to himself.

But right now, he’s not choosing to think about the future. He’s choosing to think about the right now.

Setting his phone down, he looks around the table.

His little girl, the one they had prayed and hoped for for so many years, tucked safely in her car seat sleeping peacefully. Willow, laughing as Jess teases her and moves her hand out of the way to circle a word in the word search before she can. Carter, smirking when he nudges Jess’ hand and circles three words in a row.

Mark sits beside him, the same content smile on his face Justin is sure he’s wearing.

It’s not perfect, not by any stretch, but it feels safe. Like this is exactly how things were supposed to work out, exactly where they’re meant to be after the last few months.

The happiness spreads through his chest and settles just under his ribcage, warm and comforting, and as Justin looks around at his people, he realizes he’s home.

All of his wildest dreams have come true.