Chapter Text
I wake up and look at the sky through the window.
It’s very pink from the sun that’s just about to rise and I would find it beautiful if I wasn’t devoid of all feelings.
I turn around.
Simon is still asleep. He looks more peaceful that way. And he smells pretty nice.
I didn’t notice that yesterday.
I sigh and try to sleep a little more, but then I cry instead, until he’s woken up by the arrival of breakfast. Apparently there still were some feelings left, after all.
Breakfast is two small bowls of disgusting, grey mash. We don’t even get cutlery.
I know the smart thing is to just get used to it as fast as possible, but I just can’t.
It’s too much at once. Not being fed by my alpha. Having some tasteless mash instead of his lovingly decorated porridge. Having to lick it straight from a bowl like an animal.
Having slept on a bare mattress, afraid and with a headache that comes from having the Voice used on me yesterday. Ok, and from crying.
I just turn around and tell Simon that he can have my portion as well. His scent spikes up, it’s 20 % worry but 80 % happiness and he wolfs it down like he was starving.
From the look of him, that’s quite possible.
I refrain from asking him about his life. I’m depressed enough as it is.
I realise that I’m crying again when Simon lies down next to me. ‘I know it’s hard, rookie. But you need to pull yourself together.’
This only makes me cry harder. He sighs and rolls his eyes but his scent tells me that he’s just acting tough. He feels sad for me. I hug him and he stiffs, but then chuckles and hugs me back.
‘Haven’t been touched in a long time, kiddo. Please don’t bond to me. It only makes it worse. We won’t see each other again after three weeks.’, he says, but contrary to his words he stays like this.
We doze off and are woken up by the door.
‘Easy, are you?’, the beta guard says, leering. ‘Giving it up for another omega, you little slut.’
Simon jumps up and presses against the wall on his side of the room. He glares at the guards but lowers his head when they look at him.
The alpha guard sniffs. ‘Haven’t you washed since you were in heat?’, he asks Simon.
Simon frowns, then his eyes dart to me for a second.
His face becomes neutral and he bares his neck at the alpha and winces. ‘I’m so-.’, he starts to say, but the beta guard interrupts him.
‘He was washed two days ago. Did it myself. Little bitch needed help because he’s so dirty, right?’ Simon looks up and glares at him again.
‘Seems like you didn’t do it right then.’, he says coldly.
The beta makes to go to him, but the alpha puts his hand up. ‘No, it’s not him at all. It’s the new one. He’s almost in heat.’ The beta starts to smile and I don’t like that at all.
The alpha turns to him. ‘I can’t handle him like that. You have to do it. And we should tell someone, right?’
The beta guard smirks. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll go wash him and bring him back. You don’t have to do anything about it.’
The alpha looks unconvinced, but then shrugs. ‘Sure, thanks.’, he tells the beta and turns around.
‘No, please.’, Simon says. The alpha stops and turns to him. ‘Don’t let him alone with him. He’s going to-‘, the beta guard is on him with two quick steps and backhands him so hard that he flies against the wall and then slides to the floor, holding his cheek.
He kneels there, hanging his head, when the alpha steps up to him.
‘Don’t tell us what to do, you little cunt.’, he growls and Simon trembles and whimpers.
The alpha leaves, followed by the beta, that grabbed my arm and is pulling me after him. I’m to startled to resist.
In the hallway the beta pulls me to the right, while the alpha goes to the left.
We stop at an open door that leads into a bare room. The floor as well as the walls are tiled.
‘In there.’, the beta orders and shoves me in. I’m barely able to catch myself.
He stands in the doorway, which is the only way out. ‘Undress.’, he says.
I make my hands into fists. ‘No.’, I tell him.
He chuckles and shrugs. ‘Are you sure you want your clothes to be wet after I showered you?’
Oh. It’s cold in the cell. And we don’t have blankets.
Slowly, I pull the top over my head.
The guard whistles lowly. ‘My, my, you’re a catch, huh? Ribbed young man with an extra hole and an eagerness to please and obey, what a nice mixture, omega. And you’ll be begging for my cock soon enough.’
Ok, that’s enough! What is wrong with these people?
I’m nothing special! Like, I’m glad I found the one person that honestly seems to like me and suddenly they steal me and everybody tells me I’m a catch? God, that makes me so angry!
I spit on the floor and hiss at the guard.
‘I’ll never beg you for anything.’, I lie. ‘You can’t even knot, you pathetic excuse of a man.’
The guard seems unfazed, he just raises a brow and smiles a bit wider. ‘Oh, yes, you’re feisty alright. They’ll love to put you in your place. And about knotting: At least I’m here. Where’s your alpha, sweet child?’
I inhale deeply and swallow. I won’t let him get to me.
I know the alphas have their methods to train me soon enough, but he’s just an asshole beta who wants to exploit the little power he has in this shitty job.
And he hurt Simon, who I’m pretty sure wanted to help me.
‘You’re half the man he is.’, I spit out.
The guards laughs. ‘Oh please, he’s not that impressive. Not very tall, right? The police were able to drag him off just like that.’ He snaps his fingers.
Ehm, what?
‘What?’
The guard’s face falls. Obviously he told me something that I wasn’t supposed to know.
Police? My alpha? He has to talk about Marco, because, he really isn’t the tallest, for an alpha.
But- does that mean he was here? He still wants me, but was dragged off?
Oh my god, my alpha stills wants me! I just have to survive in here and he will find a way to get me out, I’m sure of it.
I brace myself, force myself to breathe calmly and then undress fully. My main goal is to stay alive now. As unharmed as possible.
‘You can wash me now.’, I tell the guard with my meek voice.
He looks me up and down but doesn’t trust the sudden change in my behaviour. He also seems subdued because he obviously blabbed something he wasn’t supposed to.
He gets a hose from the wall and suddenly I’m drenched in ice cold water. It stings and the pressure hurts and I scream a little, but it’s over soon.
He ushers me back to our room, dripping and trembling, barely holding on to my clothes.
Of course they have also become wet. Asshole!
I lie down on the mattress and roll into a ball.
‘Are you alright?’, I ask Simon, when he moves to look at me. He shrugs.
‘Did he just wash you?’, he asks, astonished.
I nod. ‘He wanted to provoke me into something, I guess. But he told me by accident, that my alpha was being dragged of by the police. I think he wanted to come for me, Simon. I think they’re lying when they tell us that our alphas don’t want us anymore.’
Simon smells like regret and pain and sadness before somehow catching it and smelling neutral.
‘Are you sure he slipped up and didn’t just want to mess with your head?’, he asks me, weirdly tonelessly.
I nod. ‘I am pretty sure, yes. The way he acted- it doesn’t fit otherwise.’
‘I’m happy for you.’, Simon says, looking the opposite of happy, and then turns to face the wall.
I’m not able to care too much.
I look at the piece of sky I can see through the window and grin.
My alpha is coming for me! He didn’t leave me!
I’m like the worst omega ever and get dragged to the centre and he still tries to get me. Even gets violent over it. I know he surely hates that he couldn’t handle this civilised but I’m proud nevertheless.
The good feeling dims after a while. I can feel myself sliding into heat. I slick up without being even the slightest bit aroused.
I start to fantasize about Marco and a little about Matty and Tom, but I try to catch the fantasies before they get to wild. It’s still possible. I won’t be in full heat for a day or so. I just hope it’s enough.
The beta guard comes in again, this time with another alpha. The alpha sniffs the air and then makes a rumbling noise deep in his throat.
I tense up and turn to him without even thinking. I can barely avoid presenting for him. Shit! What the fuck is wrong with my body?
The beta guard snickers. ’Look who’s getting desperate for some action.’, he says.
The alpha snorts through his nose. ‘You sure you don’t want him?’, the beta asks him.
The alpha shakes his head. ‘He smells alright, but I’m into women and he’s not worth that my missus will pout for days. You go ahead.’
I try to crawl away on the bed, when the guard reaches for me, but I just move against the wall. The bed is so narrow he’s able to grab my upper arm nevertheless.
‘You want my colleague to use his Voice on you or are you coming with me without complaint?’, he asks. I slide forward and stand up.
I’d honestly do anything to avoid the Voice. It’s barely ok if my own alpha commands me with it, and it’s his right, after all. But it just feels so wrong if a strange alpha uses it on me.
The beta guard moves into my face and startles me. I bite into his lip as he forces his mouth on mine and then shrink back.
He glowers at me. ‘Like that, is it? Do you need the Voice after all?’
‘I have a better idea.’, the alpha guard says and we both turn to him. He has Simon in a tight grip and a knife against his throat.
‘I like how this one whimpers and bleeds.’, he says to me. ‘You know, he bit me when he arrived here and I’ve been having my revenge ever since. It’s important that you omega sluts know your place. Just because nature messed with you and gave you dicks, doesn’t make you men. No go with the guard and be thankful for the use he has in you.’
I look at Simon. He’s trembling and his eyes are huge, with tears spilling from them, but he shakes his head at me and tries to say something.
The guard pulls his hair and moves the knife. Simon whimpers and sniffs.
‘I’m coming with you, beta.’, I tell the guard with my gaze lowered.
‘Don’t!’, Simon whimpers and I hear a shark snap.
‘Shut up, bitch. Be glad this omega is more aware of his purpose than you are.’, the alpha guard says while I follow the beta into a room a little down the hallway.
It’s also a cell, but it’s empty.
‘Now you will beg me to fuck you or your little friend will bleed after all. And afterwards, you.’, the beta tells me. I hesitate.
He smiles his dangerous smile. ‘After you bleed, the alpha guard will have some fun with you using his Voice.
Maybe give you some commands that work your whole live. Like if you see your alpha again, maybe you won’t like his smell anymore.’
I fell the blood rush down my body and almost fall. They can’t do that, can they?
Whatever happens, Marco is my light. As long as I know he’s somewhere, still thinking of me, I’ll be ok. I can’t live with the knowledge that I wouldn’t be able to be with him again.
‘Please, please fuck me.’, I say, resigned and the beta cackles.
He pulls down my trousers and I let him. He roughly grabs between my legs and then frowns.
‘Why is there no slick?’, he asks. He has the best timing.
Apparently my pre-heat just decided to pause. It happens sometimes. It’s a process, after all.
‘I’m neither aroused nor in heat.’, I tell the beta. ‘Didn’t you go to school at all?’
The beta backhands me but I kinda predicted it and it’s not as bad as my father’s slaps were.
‘Well, we’ll use spit then’, the beta says. ’Lie down and open your legs.’
I stare at him. He’s not serious, is he? Nobody has ever wanted to fuck an omega that wasn’t wet. It’s just not possible.
The beta tilts his head. ’You want my colleague to use his Voice to make you wet?’
His existence in the same room as I would probably suffice, he is an alpha, after all. Not like this pathetic excuse of a human being.
But no, using the Voice to make me wet sounds even worse than doing other things with it. It’s unnatural.
The guard becomes impatient with my non-reactions and throws me over the mattress.
Suddenly I’m thrown back to my first heat with Marco.
He started so cautiously before I was able to welcome his advances in exactly this position.
Thinking of Marco makes me wet against my will and the guard laughs triumphantly as he reaches between my legs. ‘I knew you wanted it, slut.’
He’s pinning me against the mattress and I’m just too exhausted and tired and sad to do anything about it. I close my eyes and try to think of other things while he starts to pump into me.
At least it’s not uncomfortable. My pre-heat body is making way for him, preparing for a knot that won’t come.
I push the thought away that I don’t want this. That I feel violated.
I tense my muscles to stop them from trembling. I close my fists and press my eyelids together and concentrate on breathing, shakily, in, and out, to not give in to the urge to fight him off or start to cry or yell for help. I won’t give him the satisfaction!
I feel like I’m under water. Like everything is happening to someone different. Soon, I’ll wake up and it was all a dream. My alpha will kiss my tears away and hold me close. Hm, maybe not.
From the sound of the guard’s moans, he’s shortly before climaxing when someone enters the room and pulls him of me.
‘Uncool, dude.’, the new person tells him and then I’m grabbed. Someone roughly pulls my pants up and manhandles me back to my cell.
Simon sits on his mattress, hugging his knees and stares at the door when I get pushed in. I turn to look at the alpha guard from this morning and another guard I haven’t seen yet.
Behind them, the beta guard makes a line across his neck with his index finger, staring at Simon. Simon makes a terrified noise.
I jump up and embrace him as soon as the door closes. He trembles and starts to sob.
I really wanted to soothe him, but now that he’s going, I can’t hold it and we’re both sobbing for a while, holding onto each other.
He’s still trembling when I calm down and has a hiccup. I asked him how he got the guards to help me, but he just shakes his head, so I give up. We sit there, always touching, for what must be hours.
‘Will training be like this?’, I ask, because it’s the first thing on my mind and I need to say something, anything and he concentrates on my face and tilts his head.
‘Men just trying to have me until I don’t fight anymore.’, I explain what I mean.
He shrugs and sniffs. ‘Yeah, that’s one possibility. How well are you reacting to the alpha Voice?’
Oh, not the Voice again! ‘I- I think well?’
He snorts. ‘Well, tough luck. Sometimes they only use this. Tell you to be obedient a lot of times. To stay obedient even after the Voice is gone. Tell you how empty you feel and that you love alphas and want to be good for them and want to take their knots. They do this a lot and after a while it’s second nature for you.’
I cuss myself for having asked. I really, really didn’t want to know this. I’d rather die than live like this.
‘I really don’t want this.’, I murmur. Simon sighs and draws me against his body.
‘Well, they can also just give you medicine that has you in heat all the time. But the more rebellious omegas are still feisty while needing a knot and that’s bad for business.
So you’d have to convince them that you’ll be nice to the alphas and they’ll just do this. The Voice is exhausting for the alphas after all.’
‘Oh.’, I say. Well, both possibilities aren’t really nice to think of. And suddenly the thought that Marco is trying to get me back is too far to reach. Being in here is reality, plain and simple.
Thinking about my alpha is just a dream. I’m not even sure he’s real anymore.
Maybe I just invented him. He always was too good to be true.
My head swims. My hole hurts, as well as my whole body, to be honest. I ache in the weirdest places. I ache inside. Like, it’s sitting in my soul.
I pull Simon down with me, so we’re both lying instead of sitting and slowly drift off into a tense and restless sleep.