Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Fuck.

He pushed his hair off his forehead with a shaky hand as the bathroom door was slammed shut leaving him alone once more.

His vision was blurry- the result of a concussion, his brain supplied. Both past homes and his own stupidity got him pretty used to concussions. 

But this- this was worse.

The bathroom in front of his vision swam and he couldn't read the messages on his laptop even if he tried. 

They were just blurry white lines flying by.

Distantly he knew this was bad, but he was numb.

His brain forced out the pain of each breath, the way his face tingled from the impact of hits, the way the fog settled over him definitely wasn't a good thing.

He may die here.

The realization sent him gasping for oxygen- the numb haze falling instantly. 

Fuck.

It hurt. 

The messages on his laptop continued to pile up as he slumped against the wall. They would kill him if he died. Couldn't change the outcome though, could he?

Just another shitty foster home. 

He reached out to close the laptop, tears building in his eyes as the numbness settled back in.

The codes were there to help the foster kids. Keep them safe, keep them in touch.

But at the end of the day, the codes weren’t magical. They were just words.

Typing ‘code red’ was never gonna save his life.

He lets his eyes slip shut to the sound of sirens in the distance. 

“Tommy?”

Tommy blinks as a hand waves in front of his vision.

“You’ve been staring sadly at the lunch table for twenty minutes.” Tubbo says as his friend pushes his hand away, looking up.

“Just a bit tired today.”

“Why?” Ranboo asks, gaze flicking to Tommy’s eye knowingly.

It’s covered in a poorly done makeup job, but nobody has commented on it thankfully. 

“Well,” Tommy pulled out a green notebook, flipping open to the latest page, which is half full in near illegible handwriting. “I’m getting relocated soon.”

The notebook held the beginning of a letter for Tubbo. 

As a foster, Tommy never gets a phone unless his foster family provides one. And he’s never at a house long enough- so he goes without. His only way to keep in touch with friends is by mail, and Ranboo is part of the foster system too, so he doesn't exactly have a constant mailbox. So Tommy had Tubbo’s address memorized. Tubbo is equally his pen pal and diary, happily reading whatever letters he sends.

Besides, when foster families are two hours away- you can't exactly see friends in school.

If Tommy really needed to get a message out quickly, he has his own computer he got a few years back- same as Ranboo. He could always connect to the nearest public wifi and message Discord. (He’s done it before). 

But the letters were therapeutic in a way. And everyone knows foster kids don’t get therapists. 

“Where are you getting moved to?” Ranboo asked, leaning forward.

“In this town, actually.”

Tommy laughs nervously at Ranboo’s questionable glance. All foster families in this town have gone though at least two kids from our home, none of them are great. 

“Which family?” Ranboo asked.

Tommy could tell he was trying to gauge how bad this could be for the blond. “New family. They’ve fostered before- and adopted actually, and moved here a couple years ago. Now they want to foster again.”

“Weird.” Ranboo hummed.

“I know, right?”

Tubbo glanced between his friends. “Friendly reminder,” He pointed to himself, “Fortunate to have a biological family. No clue what's so weird that you're hinting at. He’s fostered before and adopted. This should be good for you, right Tommy?”

Tommy shook his head. “Why a sixteen year old with a bad record and why so many years later?”
“...oh.”

“Yeah. I met my new foster dad a couple days ago. No foster mom.” Tommy shrugs, turning back to the letter in front of him. “It doesn't really matter though. I’ll be out in a week, tops. My record is four and a half hours.”

Even when staying in town, Tommy always kept a pack of stamps in his bag in case of a bad home- in case he’d need to run and live off grid for a while. You can’t go to school as a runaway, its the first place cops look- so he kept in touch in other ways.

Right now, as you know, Tubbo, I’m writing from the comfort of our lunch table. I’ll be quite honest, I’m nervous for Sunday. 

The foster dude seems nice. His name is Phil, single dad of a twenty-one-year-old and an eighteen-year-old. 

But I can already feel myself getting used as a punching bag. 

That’s okay, because if that happens you know the code blue. 

It’s been a while since any of the fosters used code blue. Even as Tommy stared at the paper, trying to rack his brain to remember, the closest event that came up was Sapnap, and that was years ago. 

That’s a good thing.

Code blue is a last resort.

The bells are gonna ring, but of course I’ll finish this letter later. 

“Thomas, this is a very nice man. Don’t fuck it up.” His social worker, Natalie, gave the extremely familiar speech as she drove, one Tommy is sure he can recite himself at this point. “Now, I know you understand but I’ll say it again. This is a temporary thing. Three months. The home was getting full and I just needed somewhere to stick you for a while. If you just so happen to get kicked out you're getting sent to a home about three hours away. And I don’t want that for you and I know you don’t want that.”

She was right, Tubbo. I didn’t want that.

Not many people can say they go home so fast that their social worker needs to come up with a shitty excuse to force them to stay in one place for longer than five days.

I know the home is not ‘getting full’. But I also know Natalie sure as hell will send me three hours away.

She's always been the one adult to take zero of my shit.

But like- if this place is shitty, I’m still dipping. Besides, my worker called the last dude who fostered me ‘a very nice man’. My jaw and ribs are still bruised.

“I understand.” Tommy shrugs. Hey, he won't have to go to a different foster care if He runs and doesn't get caught. He may be forced to stay here but he’s  not gonna like it and sure as hell won't be nice about it.

Natalie tsks. “I have a good feeling about this one.” She said softly. “I know I say that a lot, but I feel it in my gut this time. Just try to have a good three months? If you stay locked up and defensive, nothing good will ever come.”

Does this bitch know I’ve been forced to sleep in garages and under stairs? If you stay locked up and defensive, nothing good will ever come, my ass. It’s self fucking defense.

“If even one hand is throw at me I’m fucking leaving.”

“ Language, Tommy, please.” She sighs. “But I understand. If that happens, call me. I’ll pick you up. I always do.”

My social worker is a bitch sometimes, you know this. But she does truly care. I know she takes it to heart when a place doesn't work for me. She cares more than I do, if we’re being totally honest, Tubbo. 

“For heaven's sake also don't spend your whole time in that notebook of yours,” Natalie says, glancing down at Tommy’s lap. “I am very glad you have a constant friend as a form of rock and home base, but interacting with more than a sheet of paper would be nice.”

Tommy shrugs, glazing out the windows at the cars that pass. They’re in the nice part of the neighborhood, where the buildings are bigger and the paint jobs are newer. 

Bonus to get fostered in this town? I already know all the routes.

Natalie sighs. “You have your backpack? Laptop? Stamps?” 

Tommy nudged the small black back at his feet. “Yeah.”

Natalie gave him that bag herself many years ago. Guess she knew they were in it together for the long haul.

At this point, my plan is just house hopping till eighteen.

“Alright,” Natalie slows down in front of one of the apartments. It's a deep green, almost grey, with a kept front yard and a slightly chipping door. “We’re here.”

As Tommy glanced through the car window he could see a curtain inside the house shift on the second floor. Oh god, they were waiting for his arrival.

Well, Tubbo. Time to introduce myself to the new temporary family. I’ll add on and probably send out this letter later. I’m not too worried about the whole three months thing. My record and four and a half hours in a home and I’ve survived a month alone on the streets before. 

I’ll be in and out of this house, easy.

And the worst comes to worst? They have mailboxes three hours away.

Chapter Text

Before Natalie could even knock, the door swung open. Tommy stepped back a bit at the sudden motion, glancing up at the wide-eyed, tall, brown-haired man with glasses who stood in the doorway.

“Phil is at the store and he said he’d be back before you guys arrived but he isn’t and I’m not sure what to do?” When he spoke, his words were rushed and all in one breath. Tommy forced down a smile at his panic. 

It may be a little mean, but his reaction was kinda funny, Tubbo.

Natalie chuckled while Tommy looked the man up and down. He wasn’t the one Tommy met last week, Phil, so he had to be one of the children. 

“Wilbur, you can start by letting them in.” A monotone voice called from inside the house.

The man, Wilbur, stepped to the side. “Oh my god, you’re right. I’m so sorry.”

Natalie put her hand on Tommy’s back to guide him first into the house and looked around, gripping tightly onto his backpack. The house entered right into the living room with a corner kitchen off to the right. It was big and had bright color walls. Sitting on the sofa was a boy with long pink hair- most likely the voice from before.

Tommy recognized him as Techno- or as the school had nicknamed him ‘Technoblade’. 

Head of the wrestling team and part of the group well known for being able to start fights- and win them. 

Tommy stepped closer to Natalie.

“Hi!” Wilbur smiled, holding out his hand. “I’m Wilbur.”

“I know.” Tommy says dryly, not bothering to shake the hand. Both his hands were already occupied with a death grip on his bag, like Wilbur might reach out and take it.

Past foster homes have tried before. 

They just wanted to make sure Tommy wasn’t sneaking in a weapon or something. Shitty assumption to make about a teenage boy- but whatever.

Wilbur awkwardly lowers his hand after a second, instead turning to talk to Natalie, letting Tommy look around more. 

Techno was on his phone, seemingly disinterested in what was going on, which was the total opposite of Wilbur, who looked like he was madly trying to lock all information into his brain. 

Tubbo, I think I’ve gotten pretty good at reading people, wouldn't you say? I’ve been through so many foster homes I can tell their intentions pretty quick. 

But these two?

I had no clue.

And that didn’t sit very well with me .

It’s like, Techno looks like you could pay him twenty bucks and he still wouldn't act like this mattered and Wilbur looks like he took the twenty without hesitation. Both their reactions to me were so dramatic- just on opposite ends- that it made their genuine feelings hard to find.

And if this is how they genuinely felt about a new foster kid in the house? Then that’s almost worse. 

Phil didn’t take long to arrive and he took even less time to finish the paperwork Natalie had for him. 

Tommy was so lost in thought he didn’t even realize what was happening until Natalie was ruffling his hair and saying goodbye, leaving him, once again, with strangers.

“Alright kid, I’m sure you’re tired.” Phil said. He was standing a little ways from Tommy, giving the boy space but blocking his path to the door. 

I was about to say it’s almost like he’s done this before, but then I remembered, he has. 

Twice.

“Why don’t I point you to your room, and you can get the tour after dinner. How does pizza sound?”

Tommy shrugged. “Whatever.” 

“Sounds perfect.” Phil smiled.

Either he was intentionally ignoring my disinterest and mood or he was too fucking dumb to realize.

“Follow me.”

Tommy let Phil guide him up the stairs into a long hallway that appeared to be the entirety of the second floor. 

“The two doors on the right are mine and Technos. Wills is right here,” He motioned to the door next to them. “And yours is right down the hall on the left. The door in the center is the bathroom, hope you don’t mind sharing.”

Tommy just shrugged again, walking to the door Phil had pointed to. He can deal with sharing a bathroom. He did it at the home all the time anyway.

The door, luckily, had a lock on it.

Some homes don't give me a lock out of fear I’ll abuse my power. 

Tommy let the door click shut behind him before glancing at his new living situation for the time being.

It was your typical guest bedroom design. A full bed in the corner with white sheets and a grey comforter, a small desk, and an empty closet. 

I’m not complaining. A full bed is a score in foster homes. Remember the time I slept on a dog bed?

Rough times.

Tommy winces as he lets go of his backpack, putting it in the bottom of the closet. His hands had endents from where he gripped the strap so tight, but it was a habit. The bag held all his belongings, and foster kids don’t own much. Just school stuff, a laptop, some stamps, one change of clothes, envelopes, and emergency cash. If anybody got a hold of his bag, they'd get a hold of everything he owned. 

He kicked it further into the closet at the thought of it before turning back to face the room.

Something about this house gave me vibes. Not bad vibes, but new ones for sure. Almost, hopeful. 

I kinda knew I was fucked, I mean, I’ve been here for twenty minutes and I’m already falling. THis is the ebay living space I've been given in so long, far better then the home. Like maybe it wouldn't hurt to stick around, Tubbo.

But ofc I know better, and I know you know I know better. So me, being the big man I am, swallowed those hopeful vibes and settled for the harsh reality.

This was a three-month (hopefully less) thing. I’m only gonna stay here so I can continue going to school with you and Ranboo.  

There’s a window on the far wall as Tommy walked over to it to look out. It’s a view into the side yard, with a tree directly past the glass. 

It didn’t look sturdy, but in an emergency, it was possibly climbable. 

It’s good to have multiple exit routes.

Just in case.

Tommy went over to the bed, flopping down, but didn’t sleep, he just laid in the bed, face-up, above the covers, with his feet dangling off the edge..

He never stayed in a house long enough to trust it and sleep at night.

There’s a soft knock at the door and Tommy jolted a bit, sitting up on his elbows. “Pizza is here.” The monotone voice is back on the other side. 

Oh yeah, forgot to tell you. I’m living with Technoblade. Techno. The blade. T Blade. By the time you get this letter I bet I’ve said it to your face, but if this man asks me to help him wrestle all bets are off, call code blue bc I'm outta this bitch.

Tommy steps out of his new room and into the hall, letting the door shut behind him. Techno clearly didn’t wait, as he was already down the hall.

“I’d come fast before there's none left.” He throws over his shoulder.

I’m used to not eating much at foster homes anyway .

 This family was acting so- chill. Like they didn’t care there was some random sixteen-year-old in their house. Tommy followed Techno, from a distance, into the kitchen-slash- living room area, where Wilbur and Phil are sitting at a table in the corner next to the kitchen.

Phil slips a slice of plain pizza out of the box and onto a paper plate a motion for Tommy to sit in front of it, which he does. 

He still hadn’t talked much to this entire family and was hoping they would pick up the leave me alone vibe.

“So, Tommy-” Phil starts. Guess not. “Tell us a bit about yourself.

Small talk.

GOD Tubbo, I hate small talk.

I hate the way families doge around the personal questions they truly wanna know with the ‘you have hobbies?’ ‘favorite color?’ or ‘ever had this dinner before?’ until they get bored and all of the sudden it's ‘why are you a foster kid?’ ‘What happened to your last house?’ etc.  

“I’m sixteen,” Tommy starts, rallying off the fun fact mantra he’s perfected through multiple homes. “I go to this town's school, I like mac and cheese, my favorite color is red, and I hate vegetables.” Despite his very clearly disinterested tone, Phil seems very invested. “But what color red, like a bright red, a muted red, a ruby red or-”

“Red, just red.”

“I see. A good choice” He smiles, taking a bite of his pizza then turns to Wilbur and begins asking him about his classes. With the attention off him, Tommy begins to zone out, seemingly passing this first round of conversation. 

He’s already full after one slice but Phil is still talking to the other three at the table. Only Techno and Wilbur are responding but he kept adressign Tommy in the mix and it’s very clear he’s in this conversation. It’d be rude to walk away.

And last time he was rude-

Well, his ribs are a perfectly good reminder.

Yeah, I’m a little bitch, but I’m not gonna intentionally poke the bear too much, especially when I don’t know how he's gonna react. Family dinner seems to be a big thing here and I’m not looking to get beat up for skipping it.

Despite having school the next day, Tommy sat for an hour and a half while Phil and his kids jumped from topic to topic, not saying a word.

By the time he got changed into his one pair of pajamas, Tommy had definitely passed his four-and-a-half-hour record. 

Oh well, I’ll get myself kicked out tomorrow or something.

“ The Technoblade?” Ranboo hissed at lunch. “You’re gonna get your ass kicked.”

“I know.” Tommy groans, leaning back on his chair. “This sucks.”

“He was the only person who could beat Dream, right?” Tubbo asked. 

Dream was another foster kid who went to their school. He was Technos age and a big brother and protector to all the foster kids. Fortunately (for him, really sad for the younger kids), he finally got his good karma and got adopted about an hour away.

The younger kids still see him sometimes, he competes for another high school wrestling team, and during our home games, he’s there.

“And who's the other one?” Ranboo asks.

“Wilbur? I dunno much about him. He’s in college n shit.”

“I think my sister has a friend named Wilbur,” Tubbo said. “Freaking tall, glasses, brown hair?”

“Yes?”

“Then yeah, he’s Niki’s friend. He’s nice.”

“Good to know.” Tommy shrugs, stabbing his food with a fork. “Not that I’ll be staying long.”

“Dude you gotta hold out,” Ranboo said. “Three months for us, or else who knows when you’ll next see us again?”

Ranboo had a point, but I’ll never say that to his face. Never show him this letter, Tubbo. I’m dead fucking serious.

 “I’ll try and hold out, but this house feels like a total mystery. They aren’t totally welcoming and rushing to give me a tour and tell me all the family secrets, but they also aren't total shutouts. They’re just treating me like-” Tommy paused trying to find the word. “Normal. Like I’m another human with feelings to be mindful of.”

“I thought that's a good thing,” Tubbo questioned.

“It would be if it was genuine.” Tommy said softly. “But I’m not sure if it's genuine or not.”

Tubbo nodded, turning back to his food.

“You still gonna join us in our walks tho?” Ranboo asked.

“Of course.”

Ranboo and I were some of the longest members of the home. We took the younger kids on walks around town every night, it was like tradition. Dream and Sapnap used to lead the walks, but now they're both gone to good homes, so it’s Ranboo and it's my turn to step up. It’s the only time the younger foster kids can leave and explore the town, so we make sure to never miss a day.

Besides, it’s good to know your surroundings if you ever need to run away.

“You joining us Tubbo?” Ranboo asked.

“I’m invited?!”

“You’re always invited.” Tommy smiled while taking another bite of lunch. “Why do you think we try to pass your house every time?”

“Oh yeah, you’re right.” Tubbo laughed. “Yeah, I’ll join tonight.”

Tubbo has been Tommy’s friend for longer than he’s been in the system. While Ranboo and others he’s known for six years, Tommy’s known Tubbo for life. Most people wouldn't want to stick with an eleven-year-old who's just been orphaned. 

But Tubbo did.

Even when his Mom and Dad said not to.

“Glad you’ll be there.” Tommy said with a smile. 

And Tubbo will never know how much he meant it.

“Hey, mate. Where are you going?” Phil stops me before Tommy could walk out.

“I’m just going for a walk with some kids I’m friends with. Y’know. Fresh air.”

Phil raises an eyebrow and looks Tommy up and down like he’s searching for something in his empty hands and light jacket.

And then it hits him.

He thinks I’m trying to run away.

“It’s just a walk around town I swear,” Tommy rushed out. “I’ll be back in an hour or something, promise.”

Phil pauses before nodding. “I believe you. Just say bye next time, okay? You’re gonna make me stressed if you disappear into thin air.”

“Okay, sorry.” He says quickly. The last thing Tommy needed was to get on Phil's bad side and start getting privileges removed.

It’s happened before.

“And if these walks are gonna be a normal thing, we can look into getting you a phone when you get back.” He nods to the door. “Go have fun, be back before dark.”

His words didn’t really catch up with me until I was down the driveway and heading to the home, if I’m being honest.

He’s gonna get me a phone?

For three months?

It seemed like a waste of money, but I’ve never really had a phone before. Unless you count the shitty flip phone I had for two hours in house number seven. 

I’ve never had a phone long enough to memorize my number, is a more accurate sentence. 

“Let's wait here for Tubbo.” Ranboo says to the four kids Tommy and him were with as they stop outside Tubbo’s house.

Tommy can see him in the window wearing a jacket like he was waiting for the fosters.

He probably was.

Tommy waved him out and grins as Tubbo turns to yell something into the house before disappearing from the window and reappearing at the door, running down the porch steps and to the group. 

His sister, Niki, steps into the window view, waving goodbye to her little brother. 

Tubbo and Niki have always had such a sweet relationship. Tommy couldn't lie and say he didn't feel jealous of it sometimes.

To have an older sibling who waits for you to arrive home safe, or makes you breakfast in the morning- it was a luxury he never got. Niki let Tubbo hang out with her and her friends and kept him in the loop with her life. They were inseparable, and Tommy wished he had it

Pseudo foster brothers just weren’t the same, no matter how much Dream meant to him..

“Hey Tommy, look it’s your foster brother- right?” Ranboo pointed back to the window. “Going based of descriptions that looks like-”

“Yeah, that's Wilbur.” 

Wilbur and two more people have appeared behind Niki to watch Tubbo leave.

I’m not sure if Wilbur saw me, but if he did, he didn’t wave or anything. 

I really tried to ignore the pit of disappointment in my stomach. Truly.

I mean, I’ve known him for under forty-eight hours, and I’ll only be staying with him for three months. 

It’s fucking stupid how quickly I get my hopes up even after five years. 

It’s not fair to myself, but I bet it's also not fair to others. They think they've made progress in getting me to open up, only for me to catch myself slipping and isolate myself all over again. 

It's a cycle of negative progress, and one that only results in foster families getting frustrated and me getting hurt, physically or mentally. 

Not that I’ll change.

Tommy clutched the twenty in his pocket as the group entered the center of town.

“You guys wait out here, I gotta stop at the drugstore,” He makes sure to speak with a smile and not set off the younger kids, but Ranboo’s face falls with understanding.

“More concealer already?”

“The last house was a doozy.” Tommy grins. 

“It’s not funny, Tommy.” Tubbo frowns. 

“It’s how I cope, big man.” He shrugs, turning to step into the store, leaving Tubbo and Ranboo to watch the younger kids as the sun sets behind the trees.

Alright, I think I've had a pretty eventful few days. Time to send off this letter before it becomes a novel. Talk to you in school tomorrow. 

Love your friend, Tommy

Chapter Text

“Do you want me to drive you, mate?” Phil asked as Tommy ate breakfast. “I already drive Techno in the morning.”

Tommy shrugged. “I like walking.”

“Alright.” 

Phil didn’t push for an explanation or to force Tommy to let him drive the boy to school, which is something Tommy had noticed was common in the past four days. He was grateful for it too. Aside from family dinners, Tommy wasn’t obligated to do anything with the family- so he didn’t. At this rate, these three months will be easy. All he had to do was hide in his room and leave for school and walks.

Walks, even if they weren’t with the foster kids, were always nice.

There was never much time to think in the other foster homes, or in the home itself. Everything was always loud and I always needed to be on edge. 

But when I go on walks- especially in this town on routes I’m familiar with- I can just zone out and think.

I can clear my head without the fear of getting caught off guard while relaxed.

Walking is nice. 

I mean, even though I’m at the age to get a driver's permit- foster kids don't exactly have a constant authority figure to teach them- so I’m walking most places anyway. 

The sun filters through the trees Tommy walked under as school comes into view. He squinted through the crowd of kids entering the building for Ranboo, who always waits outside for his friend. When in the home, they’d walk to school together and meet Tubbo (who takes the bus) at his locker, but even when one of them isn’t in the home, they still wait to enter the building together.

As Tommy gets closer, his eye catches the back of a head standing out above the student body. Aside from his height, Ranboo stood out like a beacon with his hair- half bleached white and the other half darkened with black box dye. 

Courtesy of Tommy, impulse decisions, and the home’s bathroom.

“Hey, big man.” Tommy said once in earshot, making Ranboo turn around.

“What’s up?”

Tommy shrugged as they walked. “I sent out my first letter to Tubbo last night. It was a short one, but that means uneventful.”

“And uneventful is good.” Ranboo says, eyes dipping to the poor makeup job on Tommy’s jaw.

Uneventful is like a neutral. It’s better to have nothing happen at all than have shit go wrong. I'd rather boring than bruised.

“Does this foster family know about the bruises and- well your last home?” Ranboo asked, ducking down to speak quietly with Tommy as they made their way through the crowded halls.  

“I’m sure my worker told Phil at least, but none of them have brought it up. Even so, I doubt Natalie gave Phil the full story. Probably just let him know I got knocked around a bit.”

“Knocked around a bit?” Ranboo’s voice raised in disbelief like he truly couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Tommy, you needed the hospital. You broke your ribs .”

“One rib, Ranboo. It was only one.” Tommy shrugged. “Just a lot of bruising other than that. Besides, I was a bitch and got on the last foster dad’s nerves.”

“You missed curfew by ten minutes. Tommy. That’s not a valid reason to hospitalize a foster kid. And yeah it was one rib- on top of malnourishment and weeks of bruising. Jesus, just run next time, okay? I don’t understand why you hate running away. Everyone else would be out and hiding within five minutes, yet you insist on holding through.”

“It’s my pride,” Tommy states as they stop at his locker. Avoiding Ranboo’s gaze, he spins the dial around- an action he could do with his eyes closed, but he squinted at the numbers anyway. He’ll burn his pupils in the sun before he willingly looked at the disappointment and worry on his friend’s face. “Besides, if I pulled a code blue every time somebody raised their hand to me it would ruin the whole ‘only use as a last resort’ vibe.”

Tubbo as you know- Dream and Sapnap, before both of them left the home in this town, made a bunch of ‘codes’ for us. Each one meant something else with a different level of severity. 

We all have a discord together where we talk- but also where we can tell each other our codes. Like if a family is kinda neglectful with feeding a foster kid, we’d say code yellow, and somebody would bring a snack for us the next day. Codes like that were small. They weren’t life or death.

Code red was the worst. That's when we tell a social worker and cops are called. That is a total danger with no escape.

Code blue a last resort. A cry for help. It's used when you're running away and need help, a place to stay, a way to avoid the cops or a dangerous foster family for a bit.

I’ve only needed to use code blue once, and Ranboo has never. 

We’re fortunate like that.

The codes are practical- a way to quickly inform everyone of your situation. Of course, sometimes an issue is more complicated than the cookie cutter definition for a code, but it's a generalization, a quick call for help.

And they work. They’ve saved lifes.

They’re not some magical cure for everything wrong with being a foster, but it's something that connects all the fosters. A way we can help each other stay safe. 

Tommy still has his head in his locker when he hears Ranboo greet Tubbo. He never told his best friend about his last house. Tubbo got so worried over Tommy and Ranboo, and Tommy didn’t want him to die of a heart attack or something if he told Tubbo. 

The whole night was blurry anyway.

He remembered the punches, locking himself in the bathroom with just enough time to type in a code red into his laptop before the door got kicked down-

“You good, Tommy?” Tubbo asked. “You zoned out and got really tense.” His hand was hovering above Tommy’s shoulder like he wasn’t quite sure if Tommy wasn’t in the right mindspace to touch. 

“I’m fine, big T.” Tommy said, waving away the hand.

“Are you sure?” Tubbo pushed. “You’ve been doing that a lot lately. You get this glassy look over your eyes and you- well you look kinda scared, man.”

“I said I’m fine, big T .” Tommy insisted. 

Tubbo looked between Tommy and Ranboo, who also looked to be reliving that night in his head. “Alright, I guess. You two are acting weird for a Tuesday morning. Anyway-”

There’s a lot about being a foster kid you'll never understand, Tubbo. I know I try to let you know everything but even then, being aware and understanding is different.

Some things I don’t think I could even put in words. 

Like how when another foster kid is hurt, you feel the pain just as much.

Because the closest thing a foster kid will ever get to family are other kids in the home.

And when one of us is in danger, the helpless feeling hurts so bad.

Being the one to call 911 with a shaky hand, not knowing if your friend is going to be okay is something I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

But it’s a familiar feeling.

Tommy nudge Ranboo as they walked, as a silent ‘are you okay?’.

That night was hard on him too, Tommy may have been hurt physically, but it fucked with everyone in that discord mentally. 

Ranboo nods tiredly as he and Tommy tune back into Tubbo’s excited conversation about plans he has with Niki tonight.

I forgot there was a math test today. 

That holds no relevance to my foster life but I thought you should know. I spent the whole day cramming in knowledge for the ninth period exam, that's why I didn’t talk at lunch if you were wondering. 

By the time the end of the day came, Tommy was exhausted. His bag was heavy and his assignment pad was full. 

He pushed his way through the halls as the final bell rang, making his way to the back of the school where pick up and kids walking could leave.

There were fewer kids back here, since most of the student body was leaving in the front to take the bus. Tommy pushed against the flow of students occasionally waving as he passed a foster kid. They all walked home since the home was so close in town. Tommy normally walked with them- but not this time.

With a parting wave to Ranboo, he turned in the opposite direction as a head of pink hair caught Tommy’s eye.

Techno was getting into the car with a wrestling friend, probably getting a ride home or to somebody's house or something . Tommy didn’t know, Tommy didn’t care.

Living with Techno had to be the weirdest. Like- Phil and Wilbur tried to include me in conversations. They didn’t push, but they made sure I knew I was included. Technoblade on the other hand seemed to be just as isolated as me. 

Only making remarks when necessary, shrugging as a response to a question, and spending a lot of time in his room.

From living with Techno I’ve gotten to know him better- even if it's just through observations. Sometimes I don’t think we’re truly as different as I thought but at the end of the day- he kept his bedroom door open, while mine was locked tight. 

I wonder where Techno and Wilbur lived before this. They sure as hell weren’t part of this town’s foster care, I would know them then. 

“I like joining you guys for walks,” Tubbo says. “Why didn’t I sooner?”

“I dunno big T, but I think we all like you joining us as well.” Tommy motioned to one of the younger foster kids, who had her hand latched onto Tubbo’s as she talked with the rest of her friends. None of the younger kids were paying attention to the older three as Ranboo ruffled the girl's short brown hair.

Tommy liked getting fostered in his hometown. He could still go on walks with the foster kids, and it left at least a small sense of normalcy in his life. 

“Shit.” Tommy was broken from his thoughts by Tubbo, who froze as they approached his house. He dropped the younger girl's hand and stepped away from the group a bit as Tommy followed his gaze.

Oh.

“Oh.” He mumbled, eyes landing on Tubbo’s mom working in their front garden.

Tubbo’s parents didn’t trust Tommy. For good reason, depending on who you asked.

They knew him before he was orphaned. They knew the happy child he was when he first met Tubbo.

They watched Tommy change, act out, get violent. 

They worry he’ll change Tubbo too.

It’s not true. Tubbo knows that. 

They don’t.

“You guys walk ahead, I’ll go the long way back home.” Tommy said, distancing himself from the group.

“You sure, man?” Ranboo asked. “We can split with Tubbo here and all go the long way.”

“Nah, that's even longer for you guys, it’s only like an extra five minutes for me. I’ll ping you when I get home. Promise.”

Ranboo nodded, guided the other kids away after Tommy hugged them goodbye. Tubbo put his hand on the blond's shoulder. 

“I’m really sorry.”

“I know.” Tommy did his best to smile. “It’s not your fault. This is easier than us both getting yelled at.”

“Right.” Tubbo’s eyes fell to the ground as they hugged goodbye. 

“I’ll talk to you tomorrow, right?”

“See you in school.” He nodded.

It was stupid, but it was also my fault.

Ranboo didn’t get that bad rep, but he also didn’t steal, run away, talk back, and pick fights.

I did.

From the ripe age of eleven, I was throwing hands and sneaking through backdoors.

I don't do much anymore. 

Yeah, I still have an attitude, but I stopped pocketing cash years ago.

But the reputation for those sorts of things stick.

Tommy walks a bit slower as Phil’s house comes into view.

His authority figure is sitting on the front porch, either just enjoying the fresh air or waiting for Tommy to come home. 

Maybe both.

It’s a miracle some families still genuinely try and foster me. Phil isn't the first parent to have good intentions, and he won't be the last.

They’re rare, but they’re out there. 

But they’re never permanent.

They think I’m some broken kid to be fixed. But when they realize duct tape and pretty wrapping don't change the damaged goods within, it's goodbye again.

Chapter Text

“You can stay home if you want, mate.” Phil turns to Tommy as the four of them eat dinner. “The meets tend to last a while, we’d understand if you had homework or something.”

Tommy knows he’s giving him an out. 

It's a Thursday and Techno has a wrestling meet. It’s obviously a big deal in this house, with the way it's been made into a family event.

But Phil was letting him know it’s totally okay to stay behind.

It’s nice.

I’ve been forced into events I didn’t want to attend in the past, with foster families insisting I come with them. They were scared I’d leave while home alone or something.

Tommy shook his head. “I can go, I don't mind.”

He almost felt guilty at the way his foster brothers’ faces lit up at the news.

Tommy wasn’t exactly going for Techno.

Dream’s gonna be there tonight, and Ranboo told him that he and Tommy would be there to cheer him on.

But his foster family thinks they made a step in getting him to open up.

Normally he wouldn't feel bad- but this family tried so hard with Tommy. It’s only been six days, and under a week is often too hard to tell- but he genuinely couldn't find any malice in these people. It wouldn't change the fact that he’s only there to get through the three months, but it made him feel a bit bad to disappoint. 

“Awesome,” Phil said with a smile that made Tommy’s stomach sink with guilt. “Eat up, all three of you. We leave in an hour.”

I know you’ve heard of Dream, but you’ve never met him. He’s nice. 

Even now that he’s moved away and found his family, he still cares so much about all the foster kids.

He checks up on us all the time and is still active on the foster discord. 

Even when he was a foster, he was almost a ‘protector’ of sorts. He’s my big brother in everything but blood.

Not just to me- he cares about everyone. All the younger kids. We all look up to him and Dream getting adopted so far away had to be one of the hardest things to happen to the fosters as a collective group. 

Maybe one day I’ll be like that one day to the younger kids now. Happily adopted, but still there are still supporting.

Tommy looked around the table as everyone ate. Wilbur and Techno were whispering about Techno’s matches tonight. Phil caught his eye with a smile and Tommy looked down at his plate quickly.

Maybe one day I’ll be like that to the younger kids, but not today.  

It is almost self-sabotage. To want so hard to be adopted but still try so hard not to open up. 

It's like- realistically I know I will never be adopted. Yet every time I get in a happy home, my hopes get raised again.

It’s human nature to want a home. To want a constant place of safety and a group to trust.

Techno dismissed himself from the table first to go get ready, followed shortly by the rest of them. Tommy slipped into his room and locked the door behind him before sitting at his desk and pulled out his laptop. 

He didn’t use the computer for much. Just school and the discord. Tommy clicked past an unread PM from Tubbo to join an active vc in the foster discord.
“-ommy is active! Oh hello, Tommy!” Ranboo’s voice filtered first. 

“Tommy!”

“There he is!”

Sapnap and Dream were also in voice chat, their voices cracking through the speakers.

“Hold on, gang. Let me put on my headphones.”

Tommy slouched further down as another round of cheers rose up. This place is loud. It’s always been loud, but today the building felt smaller, the people felt bigger, and the voices felt so loud .

Ranboo and him always hung around the back and waited for Dream, but this time Tommy was in the front row, sandwiched between Wilbur and Phil. 

He told everyone he would meet the group after the meet- since his foster family thought he was there for Techno. He couldn't bring himself to tell them. 

He flinched a bit as more people cheered, watching some kid pin another down. All the rounds were the same- why was everyone so excited for this? Tommy truly never paid attention to Dream’s matches, just got excited when the older boy said he won.

I don’t know much about wrestling. I’d probably be good at it. I mean, you just tackle a bitch. 

At least that's what it looks like.

I’m good at that. 

Dream and Techno didn’t go against each other during this meet, which was good, because Tommy has seen them go against each other before.

They’re really close in skill.

In the past, he’d root for Dream and everything would be fine, but as Tommy watched Techno go, he found himself cheering for him along with Wilbur and Phil. 

Not as loudly of course. When they stood up he stayed sitting, but in his head Tommy was on Techno’s side.

Pride by association or something, probably. 

Everyone’s social battery has a limit. Some people can go for hours, laughing and talking with friends. Tommy’s lasts maybe twenty minutes. But he’s been sitting in this gymnasium for an hour and a half.

The people, the yelling, the closed confines- it all seemed a lot more relevant again.

And a lot worse.

Suddenly, being squished in between Wilbur and Phil wasn’t okay anymore. 

There wasn’t enough fucking air in this gym for everyone screaming and jumping around. 

He tugged at his sweatshirt collar absentmindedly.

It wasn’t tight, but it felt suffocating.

Claustrophobia is a bitch.  

Tommy is snapped out of his thoughts by a hand on his leg. Wilbur is sitting again, but this time he isn’t watching the game- even though Techno is up. He’s looking at Tommy.

“What?” Tommy crossed his arms defensively. He very much did not like this attention.

“You okay?” Wilbur doesn't seem off put by Tommy’s tone, but he does withdraw his hand.

Tommy debated lying.

He didn’t need this family's help.

He’s fine.

He turned away from Wilbur, pulling his arms closer around himself to the point where it’s more of him giving himself a hug.

He’s not fine. He’s choking over nothing and about to cry over a couple loud shouts.

So, dear Tubbo, I took a leap of faith.

“Can we get some fresh air?” His whisper is barely audible over the cheers, but Wilbur nods softly anyway.

“Of course.”

Phil shot them a confused glance but didn’t say anything as Wilbur led Tommy away. He stood in front of Tommy, almost shielding him from the crowd as he tugged the smaller boy along. 

I’ve been dragged places before my old foster homes, but Wilbur’s grasp felt different. 

It wasn’t tight or forceful, and he wasn't even really dragging me, just making sure I was still behind him.

If I wanted to pull away I could. 

I didn’t.

But it was nice knowing if I wanted to I could.

The shouts of classmates and parents disappeared almost instantly as Wilbur pushed open the side door of the gym. He instantly stepped over, giving Tommy space.

The night air was cooler than the hot and crowded gym.

Tommy didn’t realize just how much he wasn’t breathing until he felt the breeze bite at his face.

“You okay?” Wilbur asked softly.

“Yeah,” Tommy mumbled. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” Wilbur leans against the brick wall behind them. “I get it. It gets loud in there. Especially when the bigger schools come by to go against us.”

“Right.”

He hums. “I can go inside if you want.”

Tommy shrugs. “It’s whatever. I-” His voice faltered. It’s not that he wanted Wilbur specifically next to him, he just didn’t want to be alone. 

“Tommy?”

Both boys turned at the sound of Ranboo calling his name. The taller foster had his head peaked around the corner of the building. “I knew I heard your voice! Sapnap and I were just over there, we’re waiting for Dream to finish. You okay?” 

“I’m good.” Tommy said quickly, the grip still tugging his sweatshirt away from his neck directly contrasting that.

Ranboo stepped out from around the corner with an eyebrow raised, followed by Sapnap.

“Tommy!”

“Hey.”

Tommy smiled as he and  Wilbur walked over, revealing a handful of other fosters also waiting for Dream. 

I told you Sapnap and Dream were like older brother figures, but there's a difference between saying it and seeing it play out. Seeing all the kids show up to support Dream when he’s in town speaks louder than me saying it in a letter could ever.

“You know these two?” Wilbur asked. “And Dream?”

“Uh, yeah.” Tommy nods. “Sapnap, Ranboo, meet my foster brother, Wilbur. Wilbur, meet some of my closest friends and other foster kids.” He motioned to the group on the other side of him.

Wilbur raised his eyebrow at the sight of two teenagers shoving each other around in a play fight while Sapnap tried to get them under control. One of the younger foster girls cheered them on as another yelled into her first like a sports commentator.

“Nice to meet you!” Ranboo smiled, ignoring the chaos in the back. To them, this was normal.

“You can go back in if you want, I’ll be okay out here with them.” Tommy said, turning back to Wilbur.

“You sure?” Wilbur’s gaze switched from Tommy and the yelling behind him.

“Yeah.”

“Alright,” Wilbur nodded. “I’ll see you later. Stay safe.”

“I will.”

The chaos of the home was different then the chaos of the gym. The gym was unfamiliar and loud. These people were family. Tommy let himself get pulled into a hug by Sapnap and relaxed into the embrace of the cold air. 

Wilbur hesitated a moment before turning to the door and walked inside.

I felt kinda bad. 

It was obvious he wanted to help me, but I didn’t need it. 

I don’t know how to reach people caring about me. You and Ranboo know this best, Tubbo. It makes me all squeamish and it just dissents and sits right with me.

Like-

How the hell do you react to that?

I guess I’m just not used to people caring. Like yeah, you and other kids from the foster home care, but nobody knew in the past five years have shown any sign of caring about my well-being.

How the hell do I respond to Wilbur all of the sudden making sure I’m good?

Ugh.

Fuck emotions. We don’t need em.

Tommy and Ranboo move over to a bench by the back door of the gym while they wait for Dream. Sapnap and Ranboo are talking but Tommy isn’t paying attention, he’s still trying to get his shit together. 

They sit there for a while until there’s a cheer. Tommy looks up to see Dream standing at the door, giving a dramatic bow at Sapnap’s yell.

“Won my last match of the night.”

“Dream!” Ranboo shot up. 

“Don’t hug me, I’m gross.”  He smiled, ruffling Ranboo’s hair. “Why hello there Tommy.”

Tommy grinned, pushing himself off the bench. “Lose horribly?”

“Oh yeah,” Dream scoffed. “You know me. Just terrible.”

Tommy sat back down on the bench as everyone talked together. He leaned back- simply enjoying the company of a familiar group. Ranboo and Sapnap were talking amongst each other while Dream messed around with the younger kids. Tommy smiled, watching Dream give the twins fighting tips after seeing their ‘match’. He always had a creative way of teaching the younger ones about self defense. 

“When Luce goes for your face,” He turned to one of the boys, “You gotta use your forearm to shield yourself, not your hand. Like this.” he maneuvered the twins arm until it was covering his face. 

It was an important- almost necessary- life skill to have as a foster, yet Dream managed to teach it without scaring the younger kids. Tommy admired that. Dream magadged to keep it lighthearted while still enforcing how important the skill was. 

“So,” Dream separated from the group and sat next to Tommy, who looked lost in thought on the bench. “I heard you’re in a new house?”

“Yeah, dipshit, I told you on the discord.”

“I wanted to hear it in person. Tell me about it.”

Tommy shrugs, finally looking up to meet Dream’s eyes. “Three months. Foster dad, no mom, and two foster brothers. One of them is Techno, the kid in there.” He jabs his thumb towards the door.

“Technoblade?”

“That's the bitch.”

Dream grins. “That’s a good kid. I respect him, gives me a good challenge. How’s he treating you?”

“Okay, I guess. I don’t really talk with him or anything.”

Tommy looked away as Dream smiled sadly. “The best piece of advice I can give you is one I learned through personal experience. Give them a chance. If you remain a shutout, you can't be surprised when you get shut out. Sapnap and I opened up to our foster families. We made new friends,” He hummed as he tried to find the next words to say. “We welcomed the change. Yes, it was risky, some days seemed more worth it than others. And yes it was scary, leaving yourself so open to getting hurt. But it was worth it.”

Tommy nodded slowly, without saying anything. Dream took it as a sign to continue.  

“You don’t have to start now,” He continued. “But you’ve got three months. Use them.”

“Okay.” Tommy mumbled. He leaned his head on Dream’s shoulder.

Dream tsked, wrapping his arm around Tommy slowly, pulling the younger into his side. Ranboo and Sapnap made the’r way over as well and soon the four of them were packed onto the small bench. They were quiet, enjoying the sounds that mixed in the night. The gymnasium’s cheers past the big doors, the birds that chirped in the trees, the soft conversing of the fosters a little ways off, and the cars on the roads around them.

The world wasn’t quiet, but they were.

It was peaceful, and something Tommy needed.

He leaned further into Dream letting his guard down for the first time in a week.

New homes take a toll on people. The unsurety of the situation, the unfamiliarity of the house- it’s a lot, Tubbo. 

The time spent with my foster friends, even if it's a small amount of time, it's still time. Time to relax. TIme to let down my guard. TIme to shut my eyes without feeling like I had to sleep with one eye open.

“Tommy!”

Tommy groans, squeezing his eyes closed tighter before pushing himself off the bench and away from his friends.

Wilbur was back at the back door of the Dream, waving him over. 

“C’mon Toms, we’re leaving.”

Tommy felt his shoulders sag. He didn’t want to leave. He didn’t want to walk back into the unknown, the lack of safety. When would he next see Sapnap or Dream again?

“Okay, let me say bye.”

Wilbur nodded before dipping back into the gymnasium. 

“Tommy, remember what I said, okay?” Dream ruffled the boy's hair.

“Yeah, I’ll try.” Tommy bit his lip, trying not to let his disappointment show.

“Hey,” Dream pulled him into a hug. “You’re gonna be okay. I can feel it. And if you do your best to stick around, my friends and I are gonna be throwing a little party soon in celebration of another successful wrestling season. You and Ranboo are allowed to come as always, let us know if you need rides, I’ll pm you the details. But you can't come if you're half a state away.”

Tommy couldn't help the grin that broke out on his face at the mention of a party. Dream’s parties were the best. Not only was it a night with Dream and Sapnap, but it was also a time to relax. No foster families, no adoption worries- just music and friends.

And other things.

Well, now I know when I’ll see Dream and Sapnap again. 

Leaving is always the hardest part, even if it's just temporary. 

Attachment issues are a flaw most foster kids have. Call me clingy but it's true. Dream, Sapnap, Ranboo, and you- you’re all the closest thing I’ve had to family.

Tommy sat in the back of the car on the ride home, listening to Phil congratulate Techno while Wilbur hummed to music. 

Dream’s words echoed through his head as he looked out the window.

I have a good feeling about this house, Tubbo.

Love your friend, Tommy.

Chapter Text

“What do you know about Tommy?”

Niki looked up from her phone with a confused glance. “Your foster brother?”

“Yeah. Isn’t he friends with Tubbo?”

It’s a Saturday afternoon, and Wilbur was at Niki’s house. They had just watched Tubbo run out of the house to go for a walk with a group of kids- one of them being Tommy. 

Niki nodded. “He is. He’s been friends with Tubbo since before Tommy became a foster kid. He’s a good kid, just has a lot of stuff to unpack.”

“He’s taking his sweet time unpacking it.” Wilbur mumbled.

“Will, you were there once too. Try to understand how he feels. He’s just a kid. When you were fostered, it was you and Phil. Imagine how he feels with three new people, all as close as a real biological family.”

“I get that- I just wish he tried to talk with us. He stays in his room the whole time and only talks to us when he’s forced to.” He frowned. “Yesterday, at Techno’s game, I thought we finally got somewhere. He was open with me, he asked me for help. But then he saw his friends outside and it went out the window.”

Niki tsked sadly, wrapping her arm around Wilbur’s shoulder. “It sounds frustrating, but Tommy trusts those people more. He asked for help and that's a big step, but now you have to give him time to adjust to that step.”

Wilbur groaned, leaning back into the sofa. 

Niki grinned, taking it as a sign to continue. “Even Tubbo has other friends he’s rather confined in than me, and I’ve known him my whole life. Give the poor boy time. He’s been through a lot.”

Wilbur nodded, before Niki’s words from before caught up to him. “Wait- how long have you known Tommy?!”

Niki laughed. “Maybe ten years? Eleven? I’m not quite sure. Tubbo and Tommy have always been inseparable, even if Tommy is half a country away. They write letters to each other, it’s actually really cute.”

“Ten years? I can’t believe you’ve known my foster brother longer than I have.”

“We don’t talk much anymore,” Niki explains. “Tommy never comes inside, but I remember a little toothy grin Tom who went up to my hip. He’s gotta be taller than me now.”

“ Oh he definitely is. God- I can’t believe this!”

Niki was fully laughing now, at Wilbur’s expense.  

“This isn’t funny! What other secrets are you hiding?!”

“I’m not hiding any secrets!” 

Wilbur sags into the sofa. “This is ridiculous.”

“You wanted to know about Tommy! I answered you!”

“I was expecting like a fact or two you’ve overheard from Tubbo, not that you’ve known him for over half his life!” He paused. “Wait if you knew him before he was an orphan- what happened to his parents?”

“Not my place to tell,” Niki said, shaking her head. “I’m sure he’ll tell you once he warms up.”

“If he warms up.”

“Tommy has gone through so many foster homes, Will. He’s used to staying until his time is up and then moving on. He doesn't realize yet that Phil doesn't foster just to foster. Phil fosters with the intent to adopt, and when Tommy finds out this isn't temporary, I’m sure he’ll open up. Give him time.”

“I’m inpatient.”

“I know you are.” Niki laughs.

Deep down Will knew Niki was right, but he didn’t want to hear it.

He remembers when Phil first fostered him. It was just Phil and Wilbur, and that was bad enough. He was scared, stressed, and defensive. He had bruises from the past house and flinched at every noise. 

Tommy does the same thing now. None of the family is stupid- the kid isn’t great with makeup. But while Will was in an empty house, there’s always somebody home with Tommy.

Wilbur can only imagine how he feels. 

But Niki was right, Tommy doesn't notice that this isn’t some three-month thing yet. Phil spent weeks looking through kids' files before picking Tommy. He told Wilbur and Techno it would be a struggle and that they would have to be patient, but patience was never Willbur’s strongest virtue. Tommy reminded him of Techno when he first came home with Phil. Even though it was a good eight years ago, it was hard to forget. Besides, Phil immortalized it pretty well with photo albums upon photo albums of pictures. A small scrawny pink-haired kid, covered in bruises and always held fists at his side, like he’d be ready to last out in defense at any moment.

Wilbur saw the same thing in the new sixteen-year-old, without the pink hair of course.

“I’m sure it will be fine.” Niki smiled, nudging Wilbur’s shoulder lightly. “Give him time. Just be open, make sure Tommy knows he can hang out with you or something.”

“Or something.”

“Hey!” Niki laughs. “I’m trying to help you, Will. Try hanging out with him one on one. The group of four might be overwhelming.”

Wilbur paused for a moment, thinking. Phil worked late on Sundays and Techno had a late practice tomorrow night. It would be just him and Tommy home. Maybe- “If you know so much about Tommy, does he happen to have a favorite movie or genre?”

“Anything but horror. He won't admit it though.”

Wilbur nodded. “Sounds good.”

“You’re making a plan?” Niki asks. “I can see those gears turning in your head.”

“Maybe.” 

Wilbur was gonna get to know his brother better if it was the last thing he did.

Even if the sixteen-year-old didn’t exactly see him as a brother yet. 

Yet.  

“Just be patient, Wilbur. Even though it might kill you.”

“You ever get scared to see past foster families?” Ranboo asked Tommy as they walked. Tubbo stood on the other side of Tommy listening silently as they guided the smaller kids on their walk. 

Tommy nodded. “Only the bad ones.”

It’s always a risk, going out in public in the town I’ve been fostered in so many times before.

Not all houses are nice, Tubbo, and on many occasions, I have run out of shops before buying anyone because I caught the gaze of a shitty parent. 

But I’ve never been confronted face to face. 

“I saw an old, bad foster sibling yesterday,” Ranboo admitted.

“Oh.” Tomy said. He didn’t know what else to say. It was a familiar fear for him- but he wasn’t sure how to put the comfort into words. 

“Yeah.”

Tubbo frowned sadly next to them. Tommy knew he never understood what happened to foster kids, but in moments like this, it was clear he wished he could help.

They continued to walk, with Ranboo quietly talking about his interaction as they watched the younger kids mess around ahead of them.

Getting fostered in your hometown is weird. Like- when I think about it, I saw Techno and Wilbur all the time before I was fostered by Phil, I just didn’t have connections to them.

And on the other hand, when I see people in town I no longer have connections too- but I once did.

If it was a good home, then it's awkward- like running into an old schoolmate you were only friends with for one class.

If it's a bad home- then it’s fear. It’s eye contact that makes your stomach sink and makes you turn on your heels as fast as you can.

Tommy frowned as the group reached the separating point of their walk. “Alright, bye guys.”

He let himself get pulled into a hug by Tubbo before reaching up to pat Ranboo’s shoulder. 

“Sorry if I was a bit of a mood kill.” Ranboo laughed sheepishly.

“Nah,” Tommy smiled. “Don’t apologize, it happens to the best of us.”

It’s true, Tubbo. It does happen to the best of us. 

I kinda realized something as I walked home that night.

Maybe it was the mood Ranboo put me in, or maybe it was a realization overdue.

When I inevitably get kicked from Phil’s house, I don't want to be another stranger on the street. I mean, I don’t exactly want running into Phil to scare me, but I also didn’t want running into him to feel like an old friend.

I didn’t want there to be a time where I ran into him and saw him as a stranger in general. 

I wanted to be adopted, it was human nature to want a family- and I was falling hard for this one. 

Tommy froze at the bottom of Phil’s street.

You see, Tubbo. This realization is a problem for a multitude of reasons.

I will never be adopted- first off, so getting my hopes up will only hurt me more.

There’s no second off.

I just know better.

“Hey, Tommy! Welcome back, mate!” Phil smiled, looking up from his phone as the front door opened. 

Tommy just shrugged, walking upstairs. He ignored Phil’s look of confusion at the sudden cold shoulder. 

I know it's cruel. They think they took his grand step forward at the wrestling match. And then I spent most of it outside with friends. And now it's all downhill in terms of progress.

But it’s self-defense.

I can’t get stupid.

I’m not made for a happy family. I don’t deserve a happy family. At least not after what I did to my own biological one.

Chapter Text

Tommy sank lower in his desk chair. He had spent the last two days locked in his room avoiding his foster family, but he was paying the price with boredom. Phil and Techno weren’t home and he could hear Wilbur playing guitar down the hall. 

Not leaving his room was taking the toll on Tommy as he mindlessly clicked off youtube and back to discord. There was nothing to do, no one to text, nowhere to go. 

Tubbo had left about twenty minutes earlier under the promise to return later once he finished homework, and it was a slow Sunday night on the server. 

Closing the laptop, Tommy pushed away from his desk and looked around his room. In the nine days he’s been here, Phil bought him a couple decorations and Wilbur had given his old bedspread to Tommy so he didn’t have the boring grey comforter anymore. The room may look more customized, but it's not personalized. It wasn’t Tommy’s room.

Tubbo, I’ve never really gotten to decorate a room before. I don’t even know what I would do. The only true example I have is your room to lead by. You’ve got childhood toys in the closet, and pictures of friends and family on the walls. From what I remember at least. It’s been years since I’ve seen it. 

I’ve got an unpacked bag of literally everything I own in the closet, and a clock set at the wrong time on the wall. 

I don’t even know how I’d decorate my own room. 

“Tommy, are you hungry?” Tommy could hear Wilbur behind his door. “I can make dinner, wanna come down?” His tone sounded almost pleading and it made Tommy’s stomach twist with guilt.

It wasn’t fair of him to lock himself away from the foster family that was trying so hard. Tommy knew that. It was self destructive and went against literally everything Dream told him. But it was also easier to hide away. 

No one could hurt him if he hid in his room. No one could kick at him or raise a hand. No one could force him to do chores or yell in his face when he said no.

“Toms?” Wilbur tried again.

But- hiding in his room also meant he couldn't take a chance. He couldn't try and become a family like he so desperately wanted. 

He crossed the room, opening the door to see Wilbur standing there. The brunette looked almost surprised to see Tommy. 

“What would you be making for dinner?”

“Uh- mac and cheese.” Wilbur said, stepping back from the door. “Boxed. That's all I’m good at.” He added sheepishly. 

“Alright.” Tommy followed Wilbur downstairs as the older began boiling water for dinner. 

Wilbur is different from any foster brother I’ve ever had. He wasn’t a bitch who bullied me, or some totally isolated kid who made it clear he wanted nothing to do with me. 

That was a vibe I was picking up from others in this house, thank you.

But WIlbur also wasn;t overbearing. He didn’t force me to hang out with him and introduce me to everyone he knows, making it clear I was nothing more than a foster brother to show off.

He treated me like normal. He doesn't act like I’m a weird foster kid, if anything he treats me like a friend he’s invited over or something. 

It’s nice.

“Do you have any plans for tonight?” Wilbur asks, leaning on the kitchen island as Tommy sat down. 

“No, why?”

“Phil and Techno won't be here till later. Was wondering if you wanted to join me for a movie or something?”

Tommy shrugged. “I guess.”

He was already out here. One movie couldn't hurt. 

Wilbur beamed and before Tommy could fight it, he was smiling too.

“There’s a new movie on netflix,” The older began explaining. “I don’t know much about it but it’s supposed to be a very good coming of age of sorts. I’m not sure what kind of movies you like but a cheesy netflix original never hurt anyone, right?” He paused before backtracking wildly. “Unless you don’t wanna watch something else. It’s totally up to you. I’m down for whatever you wanna-”

“Wilbur?”

“Yes, Tommy?”

“The pasta is over boiling.”

Wilbur quickly spun around to the pot on the stove, with water bubbling out. Tommy grinned at the string of curse words that followed as Wilbur turned down the heat and tried fixing the situation. 

“You’re funny.”

“Yeah, yeah.” WIlbur said with a smile. “This is your dinner too.”

I opened up that night. I’m equally proud of myself and disappointed. 

Dream’s words are familiar, but it's been embedded into me not to care. To stay shut out. 

Yet here I am laughing with Wilbur. 

It’s nice, Tubbo.

It’s nowhere near as funny as when I’m with you and Ranboo, but I’m not scared to leave my room or joke around with my foster brothers. 

It’s scary. 

But it feels nice.

Around ten minutes into the movie Tommy decided he hated it. 

The plot was standard. Boy meets girl, boy gets crush on girl, boy spends two hours trying to ask out girl. But there was something more to this movie. The antagonist wasn’t a bully, or an ex friend, or something typical.

It was the father.

An alcoholic father. 

Tommy winced as the boy got home from school, flinching in sync with the actor as a door slammed from inside the house.

He had dealt with too many alcoholic fathers in the past to be able to enjoy this move. Countless foster fathers, but also his own biological one. All those years ago. 

He looked over to WIlbur, who looked bored of the movie if anything.

Fuck.

He's just being dramatic.

If Wilbur could sit here and watch it, so could Tommy. 

He needed to get his shit together. He needed to get his heart rate under control and just fucking breath . 

He shouldn't be freaking out over a fictional character.

No normal person freaks out over a fictional character. 

Tommy’s eyes snapped back to the screen as the father started talking. The actor who played him definitely understood the assignment- because holy shit-

The dad started yelling but he sounded underwater. All talking was muffled, preventing Tommy from hearing the too familiar dialogue. 

He couldn't break his gaze from the screen, watching as bottles got thrown and muffled yells played out. The boy on screen yelled back- and Tommy’s stomach sank instantly at the fictional character’s mistake. 

It felt too real. 

He couldn't breathe, watching in horror as the boy got shoved backwards by his father.

Tommy was pretty sure this was the climax of the movie. The big fight scene the night before the party or whatever the fucking plot was. But he couldn't focus on that. It didn’t feel like a fictional movie. 

The scene was something he has lived through so many times. The pain, the fear the-

The boy on screen hit his head as he was shoved backwards and Tommy flinched, jerking his whole body further into the sofa. 

Wilbur tore his eyes away from the movie at Tommy’s sudden movement. He was so focused on the action scene that this was the first time truly taking in Tommy’s appearance since the movie started. 

The boy was curled in on himself, eyes trained onto the tv with tear tracks running down his face. His face was red, with features contorted in pain and fear.. 

“Tommy?” Wilbur asked cautiously. 

The boy didn’t respond. He didn’t look up or blink or show any sign that he heard him. 

“Tommy.” Wilbur tried again, trying to push back the panic seeping into his voice. He had never seen Tommy like this. His foster brother tried to remain stoic and emotionless all the time, only cracking small smiles or sarcastic laughs. Even at Tencho’s wrestling match, WIlbur had managed to catch Tommy’s panic before it became this . 

He was unresponsive, eyes trained on the tv screen, but obviously not processing it. 

Wilbur looked back to the screen trying to figure out what had gotten a reaction like this from Tommy and-

Oh.

Oh.

Wilbur paused the tv, wincing as the lack of sound filling the room made Tommy’s uneven wheezes more obvious. 

The boy hadn't even noticed the TV was paused. The sounds in his ears were still muffled, but he could hear all his memories loud and clear.

He could feel a phantom ache in the back of his head where he hit it in a similar situation to the boy from all those years ago. 

Fuck.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

He can't breathe. 

He could but his lungs felt like they weren’t working. Even with his mouth open, trying to gulp air like some stupid fish- Tommy wasn't actually receiving any of the oxygen. 

All his brain could focus on was the dad- the yelling, the memories, the pain, th-

“...ommy.”

He vaguely registered a voice cutting through the fog. It was soft, but the panic was there.

It sorta reminded Tommy of the younger foster's reactions to bad codes. Like the young children trying to hide their emotions- but being too focused on the code at hand to do so.

Who was touching his shoulder?

Did they need help?

“Tommy, can you hear me?
They sounded scared.

Tommy tried to focus his eyes, staring at the blank TV screen in front of him.

It was just a movie.

It was just a movie.

It was j-

“Toms?”

The hand on his shoulder was not a scared foster kid, rather a startled Wilbur, who was sitting arms length away.

“Sorry.” Tommy wheezed out. His breaths were still irregular, and the newfound reality of the situation was not helping.

He looked so worried, Tubbo. 

It made me panic more for some reason.

Like, I came down that night with the thought that I would genuinely try and get to know my foster brother better. All I did was make a mess.

I freaked out. I scared Wilbur. I showed him how much of a handful I can be. 

I’ve always been a troubled kid. Never sticking for long in foster homes, always picking fights in school- all that stuff.

It's like- Phil knew what he was doing when he signed those papers. 

But there’s a difference between a warning scribbled in red pen and Wilbur seeing it for himself.

Oh god.

Wilbur was gonna tell Phil, the Phil was gonna decide Tommy wasn’t a good fit, then it’s back to the home and-

Fuck !

Tommy liked this family. He wanted to stay.

It was selfish.

He’s done nothing but hide.

But he felt comfortable here. Even if he never left his room. 

“Tommy, can you breathe with me?” Wilbur asked, taking an exaggerated breath for the younger to follow. 

Tommy forces himself to abandon his thought process, trying to mimic Wilbur.

Maybe if he got his shit together fast enough Wilbur wouldn't mind.

He couldn't get his shit together fast enough. 

“Hey hey, it’s okay. Take your time.” Wilbur said softly, reaching out before Tommy could work himself up again. He was frustrated this was taking so fucking long.

He was stupid for thinking he could fit in with a family for once.

This is what Tommy was avoiding when he pushed his hopes down and bit his tongue.

As his breathing slowly got steadier, he waited for Wilbur to walk away, for the concerned facade to fall. 

It didn’t. 

I don’t know how I would feel if some highschooler I barely knew started having a panic attack in front of me. 

Even though I’ve been living with Wilbur, we’re practically strangers. 

He just wanted to watch a movie- he was probably annoyed some burden of a foster kid made him pause it. 

“M’ sorry.” Tommy mumbles, breaking the quiet and dipping his head. 

He heard Wilbut give a noncomental hum but the older still didn’t move away.

“You can uh- put back on your movie if you want.” Tommy offered, looking up through the hair fallen in front of his eyes.

“Not if it made you upset.” Wilbur says softly. He reached out, tentatively putting a hand on Tommy’s shoulder. 

“I can walk away if you want-”

“Toms, I don’t mind not finishing the movie.” Wilbur smiled sadly. “The plot was bad anyway.”

Tommy felt his face flush at the new nickname, hoping it was hidden by his red face from crying. “Okay.”

He couldn’t understand while Wilbur was still sitting next to him and why he wasn’t at least yelling.

The hand on his shoulder was nothing but gentle, and as Wilbur moved closer Tommy couldn't bring himself to move further away. “Sorry.” He said again.

Wilbur paused. “Can you tell me why you got upset? If you’re comfortable?”

He already knew. Tommy knew that. Wilbur knew Tommy knew that.

The older just wanted to hear it confirmed in words.

“Shitty history with father figures, I guess.” Tommy mumbled.

Wilbur hummed, tugging Tommy against his side. “I’m sorry, Toms. I wouldn't have put it on if I knew.”

That night was so weird.

I don’t know Wilbur. Not well at least. 

Yet being flushed against him was comforting. 

He was practically a stranger- yet I believed his words.

When Wilbur speaks, his tone is final- but his voice is soft. It’s low enough to keep me from panicking, but firm enough that my brain can’t refute it.

It was comforting, in an odd way.

Tommy bit back a yawn as he sunk closer into Wilbur’s side. The older didn’t say anything as his foster brother got comfortable, instead turning back on the tv. “How about a happier movie?”

“Okay.” Tommy mumbled. He had been tried all day, and as he came down from his anxiety high it was taking its toll. 

By the time Wilbur was done scrolling for a new movie, Tommy was asleep.

Chapter Text

Many kids in school walk in the halls with their heads down and earbuds in. If Tommy had earbuds and a phone, maybe that would be him- but he doesn't and it’s not. Instead, he keeps his head up and walks to the side, watching others stare at their shoes.

He’s not observant, though. When only making eye contact when necessary and only talking with other foster kids, Tommy was pretty oblivious to the world around him.

He only waved to kids from the foster home- there were a lot of them in the high school- but tried to avoid everyone else. 

Ranboo and I were the oldest in the home, with the exception of a few seniors. We were the only two juniors with all the other foster kids being underclassmen. I remember looking up to the other kids, excitedly waving when I saw Dream or Sapnap in the hall, and thinking I was so cool to have them wave back. 

And I know there are some kids now who feel the same, so I make it a point to smile and wave. 

To everyone else though? I avoid eye contact at all costs. 

Even as Tommy walked to his next period, study hall, he was aware of Techno a couple of feet away walking to the same destination. But he kept his eyes forward while Techno stared at the floor beneath them. 

I never really noticed how many classes I had with Techno until now. He was never on my radar. Yet I pass him all the time in the hall, we have the same lunch period, hell- we even sit next to each other in the study hall for god's sake. 

Even Wilbur- his friend is Niki and you’re my friend, Tubbo, we run into each other outside of school all the time, and I just never noticed.

Study hall was in the library, a small room on the second floor with a dozen isles of books and then three or four tables. Tommy made his way to the one in the back where he normally sat, watching out of his peripheral vision as Techno did the same. 

The two sit across from each other, but neither of them talk. They never do, no matter where they are. Even at home- Techno keeps to himself, on his phone, or in his room.

Tommy didn’t mind. Most foster brothers were like that. It was an odd contrast between Techno and Wilbur, but having a more standoffish foster sibling with a clear disdain for Tommy’s arrival kept it more- normal. Not that Techno was particularly disdainful- it was just hard to get a read on him. 

Tommy took the distance and shortness in tone as a cue that Techno was not thrilled to have a third kid around. 

He didn’t have any homework to make up or tests to study for, so Tommy pulled out the familiar notebook and pen.

Boredom was a bitch, but writing letters was always a good distraction from everything .

Where was I? 

Oh right.

I never really noticed how often I see my foster family. 

Like, I knew we lived in a small town but jesus, you know?

“What are you writing?”

Tommy looked up to see Techno looking at him curiously. His phone is in his hand but the fact that it’s not on hints that he’s just as bored as the younger.

“A letter?”
Techno made a face. “Is it a school project or-”
“Nope, just a letter.”

Man, this dude's small talk sucks.

“They’re fun,” Tommy continues, feeling the need to defend himself under Techno’s gaze, even though the pink-haired wrestler hasn't even said anything bad. “You should try one.”

“Alright.”

“Huh?”

Techno motions to the notebook. “Give me a piece of paper.”

“Who are you going to write to?” Tommy asked, pulling a sheet out of the notebook and slipping it across the table.

Techno pauses. “Not sure yet.”

Tommy shrugs, turning back to his own note. 

Techno is mysterious, but as I live with him longer I learn that it's less of a ‘shrouded in secrets’ and more of a ‘he doesn't even know what's going on either'. 

I mean, I’m sure you and Ranboo will see for yourself when you meet him since I’ll be here for all three months.

Wait!

I just realized! 

I actually have a home and a room for these 90 days! 

That means we have somewhere to hang out that's not the park or a Mcdonald's. 

That is if Phil lets me have people over.

But Wilbur and Techno have people over all the time, so hopefully, it won't be an issue.

Maybe you two can help me decorate my room.

I think I’ll ask Wilbur or Techno what they think before I ask Phil. For some reason asking them for things seems a lot less scary than Phil. Not that Phil is scary- I guess it's just the man of the household or smth that's unnerving.

Tommy looked up to ask Techno, but the older was already writing away on the letter. 

So I didn’t ask Techno. 

I will later. 

Today is the eleventh day I’ve been here. Three months doesn't seem like much, but it boils down to 90 days. Some days go faster than others. 

In the past, when the home got too full and I was shoved into a ‘long term family’ it seemed unbearable because there was no time limit. 

I just had to suck up until the time was right.

But knowing it's 90 days- gives me something to look forward to. 

Yeah, Phil and his kids are nice but in some fucked way I miss the home. Sharing a room with people I trusted, seeing Ranboo all the time, following a constant schedule- idk not being stuck with total strangers.

I am trying to be more open with the family, but some days are easier than others.

I guess dreams do say that would happen, though.

Tommy had nothing more to add to the letter at the moment, so he closed his notebook, opting to play on his phone until the bell rang. 

And when it did, Techno and Tommy left just as silently as they arrived.

“Is this a common thing?” Tommy asked, taking a bowl from Wilbur before the older sat at his desk, looking around Tommy’s room.

“What?”

“Phil working late, Techno at practice, and your awful cooking.”

Will laughed. “It's almost the end of Techno’s season, he’ll either be at practice or with wrestling friends every night for the next couple weeks and Phil works late all year round on weekdays so- yeah.”

Tommy nodded. “I’m cooking next time. I won’t live off your burnt meals.”

Wilbur leaned back in the desk chair dramatically. “My meals are not burnt . Thank you.”

It’s been a couple of days since that movie night and I’ve gotten closer to Wilbur. We’re not open to each other by any means, but it’s kinda like going from peers to friends for just that one class. When we’re not home, we don’t interact. Like- I see Wilbur at Tubbo’s and I turn away. But at home there isn't anywhere to hide and begrudgingly- 

I’ve warmed up to Wilbur.

Tommy chuckled as Wilbur mumbled about perfectly cooked meals. They fell into a comforting sort of silence as Wilbur finally got a good look around Tommy’s room.  

“Your room is so dark,” Wilbur comments quietly like he's scared to disturb the peace that has fallen over the room. “Why don’t you turn on the lights?”

Tommy shrugs as Wilbur hits the light switch. “It was bright out earlier and I had the windows open.”

“Oh thank god somebody else in this family does. Techno’s got black-out curtains closed twenty-five- eight and the only time Phil is even in his room is to sleep. Those bedrooms have never seen the light of day.”

“You talk a lot, Wilbur.”

“Someone’s gotta. And it’s not you or Techno.”

“It’s funny you say that. My friends can’t get me to shut up.”

“Oh yeah?” Wilbur sat across from Tommy on the bed. “You’ve got friends? Hard to believe-”

“Hey!”

“-When am I meeting them?”

“You already know Tubbo, and do you think Phil would allow me to have two people over. You should meet Ranboo.”

“You don’t even have to ask. I know Phil will love to meet them.”

That answers my question from earlier. 

We can make plans in lunch or on discord or something.

“What’s this?” 

Tommy is broken from his thoughts as Wilbur nudges his school bag with his foot. 

He had simply thrown it when he got home, letting the content haphazardly spill onto the bedroom floor. Tommy hadn't picked it up yet, leaving it on the ground as he worked on homework instead of slipping it into the closet. 

“My school bag.”

“Your school bag has a laptop, change of clothes, and a sheet of stamps? Just from what I can see right now where it's unzipped.”

Tommy froze. He wasn’t caught in a lie or anything, just caught not telling the full truth. It genuinely was the bag he took to school, it held all his school supplies. 

It held everything .

All his belongings. 

Will Wilbur be mad if I tell him the truth?

“Oh yeah, no big deal. I just don't trust any of you fully at this point- so I keep all my belongings in one small bag just in case I need to grab and go. It’s nothing, just a pretty effective tactic I’ve had embedded into me. I’m sure you all are great but just in case, y'know lol.”

Yeah, that’s gonna go down well.

“Tommy?”

“I told you, prick. It’s my school bag. Mind your own business.”

“Don’t get defensive,” Wilbur shook his head. “I was just asking a question.”
“A personal one.” Tommy crossed his arms. “You don’t go asking random people that.”

“Toms we’re not-” Wilbur ran a hand through his hair. “We’re not random people. We’re brothers-”
“Foster.”

“-you’re allowed to have privacy n shit but I just want to know why you need a baggie of protein bars and a bus card in your school bag .”

“The bus card is expired.” Tommy mumbled.

“You are greatly missing the point.”

“All that shit in the bag is everything I own. Fine, Wilbur.” Tommy threw his hands in the air, getting up to shove the bag into his closet. “You happy?”

Wilbur watched as Tommy closed the closet door with something almost like sadness in his eyes. It was buried under the obvious confusion, but Tommy could pick it out in the way the older’s brows furrowed. “Why don't you just- unpack?”

Tommy scoffed. Of course the kid who's been adopted for eight years didn’t get it. 

“No. I can’t do that.”

“Why not?”

“Just in case.” Tommy crossed his arms. “Maybe it’s paranoia or maybe it's a reasonable fear that’s been proven to me home and home again. If I need to leave quickly, that-” Tommy gestured to the closed closet door. “-is efficient.”

“Do you think you’re gonna need to run away?” Wilbur asked, his voice rising a bit at the end with something akin to hurt. Tommy ignored it.

“It’s a just in case thing, don’t throw yourself a pity party over it.”

“Tommy nobody here is gonna hurt you- you don’t need a bag on the go to run away.”

“Cool,” Tommy said dryly, “I’ll keep it in mind or something.”

“I’m serious!” Wilbur looked dejected, it made Tommy’s stomach sink. “Phil tries so hard to make you- all of us, actually- feel so safe. If something upsets you just tell him . Don’t sit here with a locked door and packed bag and then wonder why you don’t feel safe. Please, just open up to us.”

Tommy just looked across the room at the closet door.

Wilbur sighed when he realized the younger would not be responding. He got up, taking his dish but leaving Tommy half-eaten food, now cold, as he left the room.

Tommy didn’t touch the rest of his dinner. The pit in his stomach killed all forms of an appetite. 

God, Tubbo, why do I care so much? 

Now I know what Dream meant when he said some days were harder than others. 

He didn’t mean some days will be scary. Some days the family will be mean and it’s not worth it.

He meant learning to open up is hard. Making yourself vulnerable is so much harder when you know it's gonna hurt.

My actions hurt me, and other people. It’s fucking obvious I hurt Wilbur. He thought we were further along in the process of getting to know each other than we were. I once again retracted back into my shell. 

Emotions are fucking stupid. Why am I even trying so hard in this house? It’s just another family with walls of false safety that I’m waiting to fall.

Tommy looked towards his closed closet door. 

Fuck.

Until next time,

Love Tommy.

“So, Phil.” Techno said in between scoops of ice cream. 

Both him and Phil had come home late, and in an attempt to save family dinners at least once this week Phil arrived with a carton of ice cream in hand, making everyone sit around the table to eat it.

Tommy watched as Phil lowered his spoon into his bowl, looking towards the senior. “Yes, mate?”

“Wrestling season is ending soon and Dream is throwing his annual party-”

“The one you ask about every year?” Phil raised his eyebrow knowingly. Tommy watched nervously at the conversation playing out, Phil didn’t look mad in the slightest, but he’s seen how these conversations go. 

“That one.” Techno mumbled.

“What's my rule about parties?”

“No going.”

“Mhmm.”

“But- I’m a senior!” Techno pushed.

Tommy leaned back in his chair, expecting this to be where the yelling started, but instead, Phil’s face morphed into one of consideration.

“I suppose it is your last year.”

Just when I thought this family couldn't get more confusing.

Where’s the yelling, Tubbo?

“You’re gonna just let Techno go to parties? That didn’t happen when I was a senior!” Wilbur spoke up for the first time, being previously preoccupied with his ice cream. 

“Please, Will. I know you went to parties anyway.” Phil deadpanned.

The brunette instantly turned back to his ice cream.

“But I get it. You were a senior. And I can’t stop Tech from going. Just like I couldn't stop you. At least with my permission I know Techno will be more likely to call if something goes wrong, which I know for a fact senior Wilbur never dreamed of.”

The table was quiet for a couple of seconds before Phil turned back to Techno. “It’s not a yes. It’s a ‘we can talk about this later’.”

Techno seemed satisfied with that answer.

In the eleven days I’ve been here I’ve learned Phil has two rules.

Tell him when you’re leaving the house.

And don’t go to parties.

The second one is oddly specific and there's a high chance it's wrapped up in personal trauma or something, but the old man loves to stick to that rule.

If I had to bet money, I doubt Techno will be at the party.

The good thing about me being a foster?

Who fucking cares about those rules.

There are no long-term repercussions when I’ll be out in three months anyway. 

I’ll be at Dream’s party. I’ve never missed one, and no foster dad who thinks he can change me for the better will stop that. 

Chapter Text

Tubbo has been receiving letters from Tommy for the better part of six- almost seven- years. 

It was a tricky procedure to get the letters into the house unnoticed, but one Tubbo’s sister helped greatly on. 

His parents didn’t like Tommy much. It was made very obvious. The kid who was once seen as a second son was shunned from the property for a reason Tubbo found quiet fucking stupid. But he had given up on changing their mind years ago. To his entire family, including Niki- Tommy was out of Tubbo’s life. An old friend who changed for the worse.

Though Tubbo was fairly sure Niki thought it was taboo. His sister was smart, he couldn’t hide anything from her- even when he tried. But she never brought it up. She never asked questions when Tubbo asked her to get the mail as soon as it came when he wasn't home. She never hesitated to hand over the letters addressed to him, missing return addresses and any sign of the sender's identity. She just did, and she did it with a smile too. 

There have only been a couple times his parents beat Tubbo to the letters. The first time Tubbo played it off as a school project, hence the no return address. And the second time Ranboo claimed it as his letter- and Tubbo’s parents don’t know Ranboo’s a foster.

They dont hate kids for being fostered. They hate kids for associating with Tommy. Well- hates a strong word. 

Tubbo’s parents believed who you associate with affects your image that you put out to the world. Like- directly associating with somebody can tarnish you, but hanging out with somebody who also hangs out with a bad person can affect you. All fosters in town stuck together, it was common knowledge. 

Tubbo could already hear the conversation if they found out Rnboo was a foster. Because Tommy was a ‘delinquent’ he could be teaching Ranboo his ways- and Ranboo could report back to Tubbo and- 

Yeah.

It’s best his parents don’t know. 

“I’m home!” Tubbo announced to the house as he toed off his shoes by the door. 

“Welcome home!” His mother smiled, followed by a dismissive grunt from his dad. “Dinner will be ready soon, best start your homework.” She continued.

“Alright, I’ll be in my room.” Tubbo said. 

He made his way through the house, pausing at Niki’s door when it opened at the sound of his footsteps. 

His sister smiled at him, passing a letter quietly. “Mail came early today.”

“Thank you so much.”

Tubbo let himself get pulled into a hug as Niki rested her chin on his head. 

“How was school?”
“Good.”

“How’s Ranboo doing?”

“Fine.”
Tommy went unmentioned, both of them still playing into the narrative that Niki had no clue. As far as Niki was concerned, Tommy and Tubbo haven't been friends since shortly after his code blue, when Tubbo’s parents realized both siblings kept in touch with the boy behind their backs. It was when Niki cut him off, and if Tubbo didn’t- well Niki didn’t need to know. She wouldn't have to lie about her innocence if she truly didn’t know.

Tubbo pulled away from the hug first, waving the letter. “Gotta go read this.”

“Alright, tell him I said hi.”

They both know who ‘he’ was. But neither of them confirmed it. Tubbo nodded. “I will.”

Tubbo quickly sat at his desk, neatly opening the envelope to reveal the letter inside. 

Dear Tubbo,

Wilbur never told anyone about the backpack, which is nice. 

That’s what- two times that we’ve bonded now? Not that the second time was particularly happy bonding. I actually don’t think I would even call it bonding. Just Wilbur learning more about me. And it set our progress back so thats-

Unfortunately. Unfortunate but not unpredictable. I may want to try with this family- but that doesn't mean I know how.

Of course I’m gonna do shit the wrong way. I fuck up every family I’ve ever been a part of.

At least the damage is minimal and only about backpacks this time.

No one died or anything.

Anyway,

The past week has been really busy and I haven't really had time to write to you. 

That never happens. 

As you know, because you’ve seen it in person, I now own a smartphone.

Which is wild.

“Woah!” Ranboo and Tubbo both leaned over Tommy’s shoduler as he flicked through the apps. 

Foster kids getting phones was rare, or so Tubbo heard. Ranboo had gone on and on about how it signified the long run, and how Tommy was officially locked down for three months by this phone. 

“Wait, can I put my phone number in?” Tubbo asked.

Tommy’s eyes widened. “ Yes .” 

Tubbo added his contact as Tommy began talking again. “The case for it is still in the mail and I'm paranoid that I will break it or something. I’m not used to a phone, I’m used to an old laptop so durable you can toss your bag down the stairs and nothing will happen.”
“True story.” Ranboo grinned.

People buying stuff for me feels weird. 

I’m used to the bare minimum, but this family is going out of their way to give me things that aren't necessities. 

Like- Wilbur got me a red shirt that reminded him of me (it looks just like my backpack and I think that's why). 

I’m not used to it. 

Anyway, the phone is handy. Discord is a lot more accessible when you’ve got service all the time. 

Walking with Tommy and Ranboo was always a risk, but it was one Tubbo was willing to take. His friends always seemed happier during walks. Tubbo’s only been to the home a couple times, and never has he been inside. But he knows there are two times his friends relax and forget about the stress of foster families and school. On walks and in the home.

So it was nice to see them so lax. 

Tommy had gotten discord on his phone, and he was showing Ranboo and Tubbo when a couple new messages appeared.

Dream 4.57pm

Call me crazy or does tommy's status show he’s active on a phone

Sapnap 4.57pm

Crazy

Oh shit wait

Tommy chuckled nervously. “I guess I forgot to tell them.”

“Well,” Ranboo motioned to the screen with messages flying by. “They know now.”

The slow process of opening up to my foster family continues. 

I’ve gotten somewhat used to the loud gymnasium during Techno’s meets. I’m excited to go to them now, and on some of the matches that are neck and neck, I find myself cheering for Techno just as loudly as the two men on each side of me. 

Sometimes I catch myself humming Wilbur’s songs as I do homework, or cook dinner. (Wilbur isn’t allowed to anymore.) They’re catchy, but also comforting. I just can’t do it around Will or he won't let me hear the end of it.

I’ve honestly been trying to open up. Dream’s advice is always loud in my ear and I do try my best but- sometimes I catch myself slipping back into my shell.

It’s not like anything triggers it. I’ll just catch myself at random moments opening up too far and close myself off again. It makes me feel guilty, having a foster family that cares.
I don’t deserve a good family.

I destroyed my own.

This letter got depressing very fast. 

Tubbo smiled softly at the last line. He’d have to talk to Tommy about his wrong mindset later.

Wilbur is easy to talk to. (And to make fun of). If he needs to, he’ll carry the conversation no problem, letting you just listen. It is comforting.

Techno on the other hand has the same lack of communication skills as me. It’s almost funny.

But sometimes there is even more to say in a comforting silence. 

Phil is a healthy mix. 

He has this way of promoting a conversation out of you without you even knowing it. Before- I found it annoying, the way every sentence gave him a new question for me to keep talking about. But now I find myself talking with him for hours about anything and everything. 

He worries a lot though.

“He wants to give me a curfew!” Tommy says, throwing his hands around wildly. 

They were in the 24/7 diner, with the blond sitting across from Ranboo and Tubbo. Because they were shoulder to shoulder, Tubbo missed the look of understanding that Ranboo threw at him. 

“What’s wrong with a curfew?” Tubbo asked. 

Tommy stiffened. “There’s nothing wrong with it. It’s just- inconvenient.”

Tubbo raised his eyebrows. He knew Tommy. He knew when he was lying. He could tell by the way the blond’s gaze fell to the table or Ranboo- anywhere but Tubbo. He could tell in the way Tommy hesitated with his words or trailed off at the end. But he didn’t say anything.

“Alright.” Tubbo nodded, leaning back in the booth. 

All my bruises are healed. 

That’s pog. 

I get to wake up later since I’m not rushing to apply concealer. 

I still flinch a bit when Techno goes to put his hand on my shoulder, or stiffen when Will pulls me into a hug, but it's a subconscious thing.

I’ve learned they won't hurt me.

The sound of knocking on wood filtered through Tommy’ end of the voice chat, making the boy look up from the screen. 

“It’s unlocked.”

Tommy turned around, giving Tubbo a view of his door as Techno popped his head in. “Movie downstairs at five. Phil is just finishing the popcorn.”

“Is Wilbur picking the movie?”

“God, no.”

“Then I’ll be there.”

I gotta go, but as always I’ll write later. For now, there's a spot between an old man and a loud musician on the sofa waiting for me. 

Until next time, 

Love Tommy.

Tubbo smiled, setting down the letter. So that's what Tommy was doing while on tht video call. Standing, Tubbo tossed the envelope in the trast before slipping the letter into place with all the others, all collected from throughout the years. 

He paused to admire the growing collection before turning on his phone and messaging Tommy and Ranboo if they wanted to call. Their responses were instantaneous and a yes, which was all the confirmation Tubbo needed to open his computer. 

“Hey big man!” Tommy was first on call, his voice filtering through over the telling ping of Ranboo joining. 

“What's up?”

“Nothing much,” Ranboo started. “Tommy and I have a party to go to tomorrow, we’re just planning rides and alibis.”

“Alibis?” Tubbo parroted.

“This big man is sneaking out.” Tommy grinned. 

Chapter Text

I suppose a bonus of being so withdrawn from my foster family is that nobody can tell when I’m being intentionally vague. I never give details normally, so everyone is none the wiser when I withhold info.

“Hey, Phil?” Tommy walked into the kitchen where his foster father was sipping coffee. 

“Good morning, mate.” 

There was an open stool at the island where Phil was, but Tommy opted to hover to the side instead of sitting down.

“I was wondering if I could sleep over with a friend tonight? I can get rides there and back, don't worry.”

Phil paused for a moment, his eyes trailing carefully over Tommy’s face and it took everything in the boy not to stiffen. 

“What time would you be leaving tonight and getting home tomorrow?”

“I’d leave around six and get home a bit afternoon. And I can text you if something happens.”

“Alright, make sure to text then.” Phil said with no further question as to who the friend is or where he was going. He was probably just grateful Tommy was leaving the house while asking for permission first, to be honest. 

I mean I never lied to Phil. I was truly going to sleepover at a friend's house. It just happened to be Dream’s and it just happened to be the night he’s throwing a party. 

Tommy sent a quick confirmation text to both Dream and Ranboo before flopping back down on his bed.

Tommy and Ranboo walked under the cloudy sky to the bus stop. 

“We catch the six-fifteen bus, arrive in Sapnap and Dream’s town around seven- give or take with traffic,” Ranboo was reciting their schedule as the pair walked. “We walk to Dream’s and get there around seven-thirty, giving us half an hour to catch up with our brothers before we help set up for the party. The other fosters come at eight forty-five and the party officially starts at nine-thirty. We get fucking wasted and sleep it off in Dream’s spare bedroom to leave his place around ten forty-five tomorrow to be back in town at noon. From the moment we step on that bus- there are no foster family worries. We leave it behind in this town.”

“Sounds just like we rehearsed,” Tommy said, sitting down at the bus stop.

“It’s been a while since we’ve gone to one of Dream and Sapnap’s parties.” Ranboo said, sitting next to him. 

Ranboo and I were around for the first party our brothers ever threw. It was a surprise birthday party for Ranboo in the home. They had such fun planning it, parties became their brand in a way. 

We watched parties go from small gatherings of foster kids to full blown high school parties that you hear about from that one senior but you're never invited to.

And we’re only invited because we know Dream. (And we help set up.)

The bus stops at the stop right on time and Tommy follows Ranboo onto the bus, laughing a bit at the way the taller had to duck to enter. There was a small pit of guilt in Tommy’s stomach for lying to Phil, but it faded quickly as he and Ranboo found spots on the bus. 

Foster family drama could worry later. It was party time.

“I literally refuse to believe the furthest bus stop is a half-hour walk away from Dream’s.” Ranboo wheezed. “Uphill too.”

“I mean, look around the big man. These houses are huge and these families are rich. I doubt any of them are taking public transportation.”

Ranboo grumbled in response. 

Tommy knew the taller needed tonight as much as he did, he couldn't blame Ranboo for being eager to get there.

Dream got adopted into a pretty well set family. Big house pushed far back in the woods with a gate by the road. The kind that you need a pin to open n shit. Like, this man is set. The only downside for us is the extreme amount of walking and long uphill driveway we must traverse. 

The sun was low in the sky, which was to be expected as the clock approached seven-thirty. Ranboo had opted to stop complaining, instead saving his breath- but now it was Tommy whining. “And we still have to walk up this long ass driveway.”

They reached the gate, gazing slowing up at the stretch of road behind it. Tommy grumbled as he punched in the code Dream had given him before pushing the gate open with Ranboo behind him. 

“Why do rich people like living isolated in the woods?” Tommy whined. “Have they never seen a horror movie?”

I mean, the lack of close neighbors benefits Drema pretty well for parties, but I want you to try and picture walking up a love driveway as dusk with woods either side of you. Shit’s unnerving. 

Sapnap’s beat up car is already parked at the top of the driveway as Tommy and Ranboo finish their mini hike. In the proces

“Next time we call Dream to pick us up at the bottom.” Tommy mumbles, climbing the front steps.

“Oh come on, it wasn’t that bad.”

“It would be better down hill or something.”

“Tommy it's gotta be uphill in some direction if it's gonna be downhill in the other.”

Before Tommy can respond, the front door swings open without either teen knocking. “Took you two long enough.” Sapnap said, ushering them into the house.

“Maybe if Dream’s driveway wasn't so long we’d be here faster.” Tommy whined, making his way through the familiar house with Ranboo and Sapnap behind him. 

I don’t go to Dream’s a lot, but often enough to know my way around. Ranboo and I don't only go for parties either, sometimes we just stop by on a normal tuesday. I’ve met Dream’s adoptive parents a couple times but they do a pretty good job of making themselves scarce during parties. 

As long as there's no damage done to the house and all valuables are locked away beforehand, they have no problem going out for the night and getting a hotel room. 

They’re sweet people, Tubbo. I’m glad Dream got the happy family he deserved.

“The children have arrived!” Sapnap called from behind Tommy as they entered the living room, where Dream was talking with some people Tommy vaguely recognized as his and Sapnap’s friends. 

His face lit up as he turned to the three entering the room.

“Tommy and Ranboo! Took you two long enough.”

“That’s what I said.” Sapnap grinned fondly as Dream hugged both boys.

“Sorry, next time we’ll just teleport.” Ranboo rolled his eyes with no true annoyance.

///

The time before the party was, as always- boring. It didn’t get interesting until the other foster kids started to arrive and it didn’t get fun until the real guests began filing in and the bad drinking habits came out.

“You two know the drill.” Dream said, standing in front of Tommy and Ranboo with Sapnap to his right. The two teens in front of him were the youngest fosters at the party and- unless somebody snuck in (which wouldn't surprise Tommy)- the youngest in general. Pair this with being Dream and Sapnap’s younger brothers and they had their own set of rules to follow.  “You can smoke, but don't get high. You can drink, but don't get drunk.”

The first part of the rule was never quite followed, but Tommy had no issue avoiding the second half.

He never liked the taste of alcohol. It reminded him of his biological father.

Sure, he drank here and there- after all no house party was fun 100% sober, but it was never often that he reached wasted.

Once Dream and Sapnap were satisfied with their speech, Tommy and Ranboo began wandering idly around the quickly filling house to find something to do. They had chatted with the other fosters for a couple minutes but untimely left to do their own thing after receiving two cups and in earful about some drama going on the Tommy wasn’t totally caught up on.

It’s so weird. It's not fomo or anything, but after just under a month of being with Phil I’ve already missed out on so much with the home. Kids getting fostered, new additions to the home- hell two young ones were even adopted in the span that I’ve been gone.

It’s crazy, and I’m so happy the kids found their forever home- but it's also sad that I wasn’t there to see it.

Tommy took a sip from the bitter cup as he and Ranboo walked.

This wasn’t a night to worry about foster families and all the stress that came with it.

It was a night to relax, and if he had to use the alcohol to quiet his mind- so be it. 

I think it just proves mentally how fucked I was that night. 

I was so deeply buried under the confusing twists of emotions that it felt like the red solo cup I had been passed was my only distraction.

Besides, like I said, house parties are unbearable when sober. 

The last thing I needed that night was to deal with that. 

“I wonder who the fuck is on door duty tonight.” Ranboo said, glancing over the crowd, distaste clear in his voice. 

Tommy shrugged.

Whoever was at the gate letting people in was doing a shit job of keeping the assholes out.

“Are those the rude football players from our school?” Ranboo asked, pointing across the room as he sipped from his cup. It was around elven, and both he and Tommy were quite a few refills in. They had not run into Dream yet, but Sapnap had just sighed at the sight of them and held his own cup out for cheers.  

“Mmm,” Tommy hummed. “Looks like ‘em.”

The pricks in question loved to pick fights with anyone and everyone. Ranboo and Tommy were no strangers to getting caught in the middle while defending younger fosters at school.

Tommy made eye contact with one of them, holding his absent minded gaze as the football player glared and whispered to his friend.

Whatever.

Maybe I would have confronted them right then in there if I wasn’t lazy and not drunk enough, but even if I wanted to, I never got the chance.

“Let's go this way.” Ranboo mumbled suddenly, tugging Tommy in the opposite direction. The blond stumbled a bit at the motion. 

“What the fuc’ Ranboo. They weren’t even coming at us, you don't need to drag me at the speed of lighting.”
“There’s somebody here.” Ranboo explained, guiding Tommy deeper into the crowd. “Somebody I’m sure you don’t want to see you.”

“Oh fuck,” Tommy grinned. “Was it Dream?”

“Why are you laughing, Dream would kill us on the spot at the sight of you.”

“Nah,” Tommy took another sip as Ranboo guided them outside to the deck. “He’d just fuss about us.”

The deck was more of a balcony on the roof of the first floor. It was nice to get the fresh air, but there were a ton of people also outside, and it was hard to feel relaxed outside when it’s just as cramped as inside. 

“Okay, well it’s not Dream.” Ranboo said as they found a relatively open spot in the corner of the deck. 

Tommy looked out into the woods below them, taking a deep breath as he leaned over the railing. The building was built into the hill, letting them be hidden in the trees on all sides but the front, where they could look over the treeline. “So who was it?”

He watched as headlights flickered through the trees from the road below, letting the small gulps of fresh air cut through the party’s haze. Ranboo was taking his sweet time to respond, but Tommy paid him no mind.

The cup in his hand felt weighted but so empty at the same time as he dangled it over the edge, arms crossed on the railing. The liquid in the cap was physically heavy, but it made him feel lighter. It made his foster problems seem smaller. His thoughts and struggles couldn't follow him to the party if alcohol blocked it out like a wall.

“Technoblade is at the party. I saw him.”

Well. Guess who learned that night that a wall of alcohol only works for feelings and does nothing to deter foster brothers?

“Where?” Tommy fumbled with his cup, quickly placing it on the railing before it fell.

“Inside, standing close enough to people from our school to be included, but far enough away to not get associated.”
“Sounds like Techno.” Tommy picked up his cup again, tilting his head back to finish it. “Alright, this changes nothing. We’re still here to have fun and forget about foster life. Now we’re just- also avoiding Techno.”

“You invited Techno?” Tommy whined as he and Ranboo entered the relatively empty kitchen, where Dream, Sapnap, and some of their friends sat.

“I invite Techno every year.” Dream said, raising an eyebrow at the two teens.

“Well he actually came this year.” Tommy grumbled. 

“He’-” Sapnap paused. “He’s your foster brother right? He was at the wrestling meet that night.”

“Yeah.” Tommy said, glancing nervously at the kitchen entrance. “And he doesn't know I’m here. I can't let him see me.”

“Why,” Dream raised an eyebrow. “Because you're absolutely drunk?”

“Oh don’t act surprised.” Tommy huffed. “And no, it’s because he doesn't know I’m here .” He paused, taking in Dream’s unamused face. “Also I’m sure he wouldn't be thrilled to find me drunk.”

I didn’t take Dream’s reaction as anger. I knew him better than that.

He was worried for us, and mildly frustrated we ignored the one rule he put in place. 

But mildly frustrated doesn't equal mad or surprised.

If anything, this was a normal occurrence.

I trusted Dream and Sapnap, their friends too.

The parties were a safe space where I could get as high or drunk as wanted under the care of my friends. While Sapnap joined us in getting totally fucked- Dream had opted to remain sober at big parties a couple years ago. With Dream in the right mind and all my unwavering trust for him- was it a surprise I let myself relax?

Just typically the problems I was avoiding didn’t follow me to the party.

“Does he know you’re here?” Sapnap asked.

“Don’t think so.”

“Will he be mad to find out?”

Tommy paused.

I didn’t know Techno well enough to answer that question. 

He was my foster brother sure, but I knew nothing about him aside from the couple interactions we had in study hall. Unlike Wilbur, Tehcnoblade made no attempt to get close to me or get to know me.

Did he not like me or did he just not know how to talk to me? Who knew? Not me.

I didn’t know if Techno would be mad that I snuck out while he had to ask Phil for permission (at least that's what I assumed from all the conversations I overheard), or would he just smile and move on?

“I dunno.” Tommy said eventually. 

Sapnap tsked, sharing a look with Dream and his other friends before Dream took over. “Alright.” He sighed, like watching over his little brothers was a grand chore. “Go enjoy your party, you two. Try and stay on this side of the house and outside and we-” He motioned to the older kids in the room. “Will keep an eye on Techno. We’ll try and keep him inside on the other side of the house.” Dream patted both Ranboo and Tommy on the shoulders, “Go enjoy the party, Technoblade free. You two deserve that.”

“Amen.” Tommy mumbled. “Thank you guys.”

Tommy is not sure when Ranboo’s ‘let's stay outside’ plan turned into helping a bunch of kids hotbox the parlor, but it did. 

The room was too big for it to be very effective- it just felt stuffy and smelt bad, but Tommy was having fun watching the attempts. 

Him and Ranboo stood off to the side, closer to the door as everything played out.

“Wanna go back outside?” He murmured to Ranboo after a while. Tommy’s alcohol was Ranboo’s weed- both of them could handle the substance, but old homes and people left a bitter feeling in the air when around it. 

“Yeah,” Ranboo responded. “I think this is as good as it'll get.”

Tommy hummed in agreement as both stepped away from the door. 

The party that night was pretty tame. Aside from the minor inconvenience in the form of Technoblade,  

Everything was typical.

The loud music, the drama, the fights.

"Watch it." Somebody snapped as Ranboo and Tommy pushed past. Outside wasn’t as crowded earlier, but when nobody is looking where they're going people still end up bumping.

They ignore the person, instead opting to keep moving, but a hand wraps itself around Tommy's wrist.

"You spilled my drink on me.'  

It was one of the highschoolers from their school, glaring at Tommy with a wet splash on his shirt. 

" 'Pologies." Tommy said, yanking his wrist back. 

“You don't sound sorry.” The jock said, his voice just as slurred as Tommy’s.”Hey you’re one of those foster freaks from school.”

Tommy stiffened. “What did you just say, man?”

“I said you're one of those kids that is always picking a fight with my buddies and I for picking on your little friends.”

“Maybe you shouldn't pick on them then.” Tommy grit. The hand that wasn’t holding his cup was white knuckled at his side. Ranboo raised his eyebrow, waiting a couple feet away at the interaction. 

“Oh but why would I do that?” The jock hummed. 

Listen, I knew he was fucking with me. Saying shit to get a reaction out of me. I’m not stupid, Tubbo.

Maybe it was the drinks, maybe it was all the pent up anger I hadn't let out, or maybe I just felt like giving people what they asked for that night. And if a prick was gonna ask for a fight. I’d fucking give him one. 

“I’m sorry?” Tommy asked. The jock was taller and broader than he was (it wasn’t hard)- but Tommy could take him. If not to win the fight to at least land a solid punch or two. The jock leaned forward to repeat himself and Tommy stiffened at the smell of alcohol on his breath. He wouldn't lean back tho- the fight was already put in motion. 

“I said, why should I pick on the freaks? What will they do? Tell their parents?”

“Oh year real fucking original.” Tommy put down the cup. “Like we haven't heard that one before.” 

Taking the chance to catch the jock off guard Tommy lunged forward, landing a punch right on the nose. 

Bingo.

Tommy heard Ranboo grumble behind him. Of course he was more annoyed about how this would affect his night rather than the fight itself. Tommy saw him step away out of the corner of his eye, either to get Dream or another drink. 

He didn’t need Dream finishing his fucking fights. 

The football player stumbled back a bit, hand on his nose before whiping his head up. “ You fucking bitch. ”

The tone in his voice did nothing to deter Tommy, he had had much worse words come out past foster parent’s mouths. He ducked down as a punch went over his head, moving on adrenaline and habit. 

I’m not a perfect fighter. Everything I know I’ve learned from Dream and trial and error. Like, Dream can say ‘protect your face’ but you don’t really take the advice to heart until you have a major concussion, yknow?

Regardless, what I’m trying to say is I knew what I was doing in that fight. Football players have brute force but they don't have skill. Doge hits and land them when they try to recover. Just like fighting an old foster father. 

If Tommy wasn’t still recovering from injuries from his past code red, maybe he would have walked away fine. But he was stiff. Not moving as fast as he should have. 

Tommy winced as the jock landed one on his stomach, right underneath just healed bruises. Any higher and that would have been his ribs.

He wheezed, standing up straight again and throwing another fist forward. 

Ranboo could not find Dream or Sapnap. 

He clutched the drink in his hand closer to him as he pushed through crowds to find his brothers.

Didn’t they say they would stick on the opposite side of the building to help Tommy and him avoid Techno?

The sentiment was sweet, and Ranboo knew Dream would do it the second Tommy started pouting, but now they were all at the furthest part of the house from Tommy. The Tommy who was way too drunk to win a fight.

He needed it tonight. Ranboo was worried to see the boy who always shied away from anything more than a hard seltzer downing cupfulls like no tomorrow, but the boy needed it. Even if only for a night.

Tommy was pulled thin to be at a new house so soon after a near death experience. 

But he was in no shape to be fighting a football player with a foot of height on him.

Ranboo ran a hand through his hair, feeling dread build in his gut the longer he sat here looking for his brothers rather than watching Tommy.

Okay, maybe a fight wasn’t his best idea of the night- but Tommy was too deep in to go back now. 

While there were no skin level wounds to reopen, he definitely refucked his ribs.

It felt that way at least. 

His legs trembled but Tommy forced himself up. 

The second you're on the ground it may as well be a fight lost, Tubbo. Not that I think you’ll ever need fighting advice. 

To my credit, the jock was wheezing and in pain as well. He gripped the railing next to us, wiping his nose before going in to try and land more hits.

Neither of us were turning up a clear winner, we both kinda just threw sloppy punches.

Tommy bit back a cry as another hit to the stomach. The bitch had learned that it hurt the most. 

His legs buckled again but this time he fell, scraping his check against the rough porch.

“Have you seen Dream?” Another person shook their head. “Sapnap?” Similar results.

It was a crowded party, but how hard could it be to find a sober dude in a neon green sweatshirt and a drunk idiot most likely tripping over everyone else?

Ranboo froze as he spotted somebody across the room.

He almost kept walking, pushing to find one of his brothers, but-

-he could help. 

It had been at least ten minutes, Ranboo felt biel scratching at his throat. From nerves or alcohol? Who knows.

Tommy would kill him, but at the same time Ranboo felt out of options. 

He would like to see Tommy walk away from the party unpummeled, even if the consequences were risky. 

Before he could lose his nerve, Ranboo raised his hand, cupping his mouth to shout over the music.

“Techno!”

Tommy’s entire body felt like it was lit with searing white pain. The jock left after a couple harsh kicks to the side, but the entire world spun everytime he tried to stand up. 

The porch had emptied out during the fight and Ranboo was long gone, so Tommy pushed himself against the wall, head in his knees as he tried to regain control of his breathing. 

He peered over his knees as he flexed his knuckles, watching the way they turned from red to white as he clenched and unclenched his fists. They tingled, the pins and needles unfading. 

“Fuck” He numbled to the empty deck.

The only response he got was the party- muffled through the walls, and the nature in the woods around him. 

He spit as blood dripped from his nose to his mouth, with no energy to wipe it away.

Then the porch door slipped open. 

Ranboo was his entire field of vision in a second, kneeling in front of him.

“Where did you go-?” Tommy forced himself to crack a grin. “I beat up a kid.”

Ranboo hummed. “Let me guess, I should see the other guy?”

“Oh yeah.” Tommy chuckled, wincing as it turned into a heaving cough. “Fuck man.”

“Well,” Ranboo leaned back on his heels. “I expected worse. I’m surprised they weren’t still fighting.” 

“Who are you talking to?” Tommy pushes himself away from his knees to lean against the wall and look past Ranboo. “What the fuck.”

“Why are you here?” Techno hovered a couple feet away. “And why do you have blood smudged across your face?”

“Calm down, it’s not mine.” 

Techno doesn't respond to that, quietly watching as Ranboo hoists Tommy up. 

“Why is he here?” Tommy glared at Ranboo.

“Well, I couldn't find Dream or Sapnap and I needed somebody in case I came back to you either dead on the floor or still being beat up.”

“I wasn’ getting beat up ,” Tommy slurred. “I held my own perfectly fine.”

“Or, really?” Ranboo retracted his arm from around Tommy, watching the boy stumble under his own weight. “Yeah. Thought so.”

“Now,” Techno spoke up. “Is that,” He motioned to Tommy, leaning his full weight against Ranboo. “Because of injuries from the fight- or the amount of drinking you have clearly done.”

“It’s none of your business.” Tommy bit. 

“I’m your foster brother and you’re clearly fucked up, of course it’s my business.”

“Oh wow, the bitch always in his room has decided to pretend to care now!” Tommy scoffed. “Fuck off Technoblade. Look! I’m not dead on the floor or still being beat up. Goodbye.”

But Techno didn’t move. Infact, he stepped closer. “We’re going home.”

“The fuck ? Did the music make you deaf? I said I’m fine!” Tommy pushed away from Ranboo, stepping back to preserve the distance Techno was ruining.

“And I said you're fucked and we’re going home. Phil doesn't need some kid dying of recklessness and alcohol poisoning while under his care.”

“Fuck you.” Tommy spat. He wasn’t sure if it was the alcohol or the thought of going back to his foster house but his stomach twisted dangerously with nausea. He stopped backing up in fear of puking at the movement, but Techno kept advancing. 

He wrapped an arm around Tommy, pulling him firming against the older so he wouldn't budge. “Let’s go Tommy. Don’t make this hard.”

Tommy tried to pull away, but Techno didn’t budge. He would have pushed harder but the world was still swaying- which did nothing to ease the nausea.

Maybe if he threw up on Techno he would let go-

Ranboo’s voice broke that very cursed train of thought. “I’ll let Dream know the two of you are leaving.”

“You’re on his side?!” Tommy turned to face his friend, wide eyed.

“You need a glass of water and a roll of gauze at least. ”

“Drink this.” Techno tossed Tommy a water as they got in the car. 

Fucking Techno didn’t drink, claiming it was because he was his own ride home- but we all know it’s because he’s a little bitch and a suck up to Phil who told him not to.

“What if you drugged it?”

“Tommy, it's an unopened bottle of water. Please.”
“It’s Dasani. It doesn't need to be opened to be drugged.”

“Tommy!” Techno snapped, throwing his hands in the air. 

Tommy raised an eyebrow, uncapping the water. “It’s that easy, huh?”

“Is this how you work? Annoy the shit out of someone long enough to see their breaking point? To either get hurt or get turned back to the home?”

Tommy took this as the perfect time to sip the water, but his silence spoke loud enough.

Techno shrugged, turning the car on as he began the drive home. “It wont work in this house, not with Phil.”

“And how do you know?”
“Because I was the exact same way. Wilbur too.” Techno’s eyes are on the road, but Tommy still feels like he’s staring at him. Looking into his soul . “You think the world revolves around you, that you’re the first to pull these stunts. You’re not.”

Tommy looked out the window as Techno continued. 

“Phil is a good fucking guy. Good parent, too. I promise you all he wants is the best for you, Tommy. Do you know how hard it is to put your all into getting to know a kid, and as a thanks he fucks off to a party to get shitfaced?”

Tommy didn’t respond, face even and emotions concealed. He wasn't dragged into this car just to be lectured.

“I’ve been in your spot, Tommy. But there was a point where even I realized purposely pushing good houses away wasn’t hurting anyone but me.” Techno warned.

Tommy bit his check at the thought of it. If Techno was in charge of guilt tripping then he was pretty fucking good at his job.

Or maybe Tommy had something to be guilty for. 

They drove the rest of the way in silence, but Tommy's thoughts filled the quiet perfectly fine.

I was never one to get motion sickness, but I’m honestly surprised I managed to get through that car ride without opening the door to vomit. 

Between the anxiety stirring in my stomach along with the alcohol, and the physical pain from just a half hour ago- it was a miracle. 

Techno was first to enter the house, Tommy trailing behind slowly. 

He had finished his water in the car and received a mint from Techno. Maybe his foster brother didn’t want him dead. He still gave him Dasani though. 

Techno is on thin ice .

Phil, who was sitting in the living room, was up in an instant as the sound of the door opening. 

“You’re home.”

Movement to his left made Tommy glance quickly at the kitchen, where Wilbur sat on his phone- probably trying to look busy.

The bastard was obviously eavesdropping. 

Tehcno nodded to Phil before retreating to the kitchen to Wilbur. “Thanks for letting me go out.”

“Sorry it got cut short, mate.”

Tommy didn’t think it had to be cut short if his foster family just fucked off and minded their own buisness. 

“Let’s move to the couch, shall we?” Phil asked, motioning to the living room.

“Do I have a choice?”

The older one didn't respond, so Tommy followed slowly.

I knew how this would go.

Phil would pretend like he’s some god sent oster father or some shit, I deny it- jab at his savior complex a bit, then he snaps. 

Then it's a couple hits to add on to tonight's injuries and to bed like every other day.

I’ve done this shit before.

Tommy sat down at the furthest spot from Phil. He definitely refucked up his ribs because each breath was painful and his entire torso felt aflame, from the anxiety swirling in his stomach to places below his ribs where the jock landed the most hits. He just wanted to go to bed.

“Why did you lie tonight, Tommy?” Phil started bluntly. Tommy didn’t miss the sadness in his voice, he just opted to ignore it.

“I didn’t lie. I left at six for a sleepover and would have gotten back around noon tomorrow.”

Noon today? What time even was it? 

“But why didn't you just ask to go to a party?”

“Because where I go and who I’m with is my personal business.”

“I’m your foster father I feel like this is information I should know so I can help keep you safe-”
“And how long is that gonna fucking last?” Tommy cut Phill off. 

“Excuse me?” Phil’s voice remained even, but Tommy could read the under strain. He was pushing the limits. Bingo.

“How long is this gonna last?” He repeated. “How long are you gonna pretend to be my father?"

"I-"

Tommy kept going. "Offering to drive me places, buying me new things, asking how my day was. It's so convenient for you, isn't it?” Tommy seethed. Phil opened his mouth to talk but Tommy just cut him off again.“Being able to parent on your own time. I mean, I’m just a fucking foster, once you’re done playing perfect parent it’s back to the home for me."

"To-"

"No! That’s how it always fucking is. So, how long will this last?” There were tears burning in Tommy’s eyes. He couldn't tell if it was the frustration, the alcohol, or the look on Phil’s face that caused them. 

"Is that how you feel?" Phil finally got out. 

Tommy shrugged. "Why, you ready to prove me right again?"

"No, I-"

"You ready to leave the second I'm too much of a handful? When my 'problem child' side shows through?"

"Please stop cutting me off-" 

"You gonna send me back, Phil? Because I went to a party and got drunk?"

Either Techno was lying earlier when he said my attitude wouldn't work on Phil, or the man had severely lost his touch. 

The frustration radiating off him was palpable, Tubbo.

Yet I kept pushing for that breaking point. Testing my limits. 

"Well, yeah maybe this won't work since it appears you've already got your mind made up about the next three months." Phil snapped. 

Finally. 

I'll give it to him, he lasted a lot longer than most foster parents. And it was just words, nothing physical. 

Yet once those words sunk in, it almost hurts worse than any punch thrown at me that night.

Tommy flinched backwards at the sudden return of shouts. 

Phil's eyes widened, but the words were out there. "I phrased that wrong. I meant that- you need to change your mindset and-"

"No." Tommy laughed, a short chuckle dripping with hysterics.  "You meant what you said." He pushed himself off the sofa. "Don't worry Phil, nothing I'm not used to."

Tommy kept his face concealed as he made his way to the stairs, avoiding the two people in the kitchen and concentrating on not swaying as he walked. 

I mean, it's an outcome I'm used to, but that didn't make the words hurt less. 

I've been nothing but a bitch to this family, I don't know why I expected it to be different. I just hurt to be proved wrong. 

There was something Techno told me that night. That there was a point where he realized purposely pushing good houses away wasn’t hurting anyone but himself. 

When he said it, I thought it reminded me of Dream's advice. It'd make sense that they were friends. 

But looking back- it sounded like something Dream would say because it was genuinely helpful. 

Fucking sucks I didn't listen, huh?

Tommy locked the door behind him, bringing a hand up to his mouth to cover any noises. 

He shouldn't be crying over this. 

This was too stupid to cry over.

This was expected.

This could have been predicted.

He squeezed his eyes shut, trying to will the world to stop spinning. 

It didn't work. His vision felt blurred from both the dizziness and the tears. 

I kinda realized that night, that I have failed to stay for 3 months. 

I knew the routine.

Tomorrow I would wake up to Phil calling me down, maybe he'd have enough decency to explain what was going on, maybe he'd just tell me Natalie was outside.

Or since I'm in town, maybe he would just point to the door and I'd walk to the home myself. 

I didn't want to see the looks on Wilbur and Techno's faces.

Wilbur, who tried so hard to take me in as a little.e brother- even when I didn't make it easy.

And Techno, who's advice I didn't follow. 

I wasn't close to Techno at all, but the idea of seeing his disappointment made everything hurt even more.

Tommy didn't want to see those faces, so he didn't the only thing that he knew would help him avoid that.

He threw open his closet, as a shaky hand reached down to grab his bag. 

He tried wiping away the tears in his eyes, bit it just smudged the wetness around his face, doing nothing to deter the saltiness still falling.

They couldn't kick me out if I left first, right?

He unlocked the window, instantly grabbing into the tree in front of him. 

Tommy did the only thing he knew how to do. 

The only thing that would make it better.

The thing embedded into his bones from countless past houses. 

Tommy ran. 

Chapter Text

Phil knew fostering a third kid would be hard. 

No matter what kid he picked.

Wilbur and Techno were handfuls as fosters but, since being adopted the three have become a close family. It took a while, but the patience paid off. There was nothing Phil loved more than coming home to his sons. Even though some days in the foster period were harder than others, everything was worth it to be able to go to Wilbur’s gigs or Techno’s matches now. 

He knew bringing another child into the home would not only throw off the balance but would also be hard for the kid. It would be difficult to make space in an already close group. 

It is why when he brought it up to his boys, he asked them to try talking to whoever they chose to foster one on one. 

Wilbur was willing to do just that. He had been so excited at the thought of another kid in the house. 

He had been the one to bring the idea up to Phil after all.

Techno, well Techno was more reserved. He wasn’t opposed to the idea of another foster - he just wasn’t sure what to say to the kid.

Which is why it didn’t surprise Phil that Wilbur was the one to rush upstairs after Tommy. Wilbur had gotten the closest out of all of them to Tommy, an achievement not to be taken lightly. Phil watched the oldest bolt upstairs- but not before a door slammed shut from above them.

Phil sunk into the sofa, head in his hands as Wilbur knocking on the door echoed from upstairs. He’d gone through both Wilbur and Techno. 

He knew better than to lose it like that.

He knew it was the reaction Tommy wanted and he knew he shouldn't have given it to him. 

“Toms?” Wilbur’s voice reached his ears again and Phil just shut his eyes. 

He was stressed. He let his emotions get the best of him. He proved everything Tommy wanted him to prove. 

The couch sunk in next to him, and Phil didn’t even need to look up to know Techno was there. He did anyway.

“Dad-?”

Techno’s voice was shaky and just made the regret in Phil’s stomach twist more. In a house full of ‘troubled fosters’- even if Techno and Wilbur had been adopted for years at this point- nobody liked yelling. It’s why Phil never did. Even on the days when he wanted to scream- he kept calm. Because he knew it would set off his sons.

Yet tonight- along with all the other rules he set up for himself- that went out the window.

“Sorry, Techno.” Phil sat up straighter, opening his arms. He tried to ignore the way Techno flinched at the sudden movement- an instinct that only came out when the boy was stressed, but he couldn't. Because he caused that. 

“It’s not your fault.” Techno mumbled into Phil’s shoulder. 

It was, but neither of them said it. 

Techno liked to act stoic. The champion wrestler and senior in high school. He’d gone through the system and nothing could get to him.

It was moments like this that reminded Phil of the years past. Younger Techno- before his shell. The Techno who would dodge Wilburs attempts at physical contact. Techno, who would crawl into bed with Phil late at night sniffling, but be gone before morning- refusing to talk about whatever upset him.

“You’re okay,” Phil mumbled into Techno’s hair. “It’s okay.”

He didn't know which one of them he was trying to convince.

Wilbur was thrilled when Phil agreed to foster again.

The spare bedroom next to his always felt so pointless. 

There was never a reason for the spare room- anybody who slept over was a friend who crashed on the couches or in Wilbur or Techno’s room. 

When Tommy arrived, the thrill was replaced with nerves. 

Wilbur knew getting close to the kid would be tough. From the first day, Tommy was brash and closed off. 

Every time Wilbur made progress, the boy just retreated back further. He wasn’t letting that happen again.

“Toms, please open the door.”

No response.

Something in his gut told Wilbur this wasn’t some teenager throwing a fit in his room.

“You don’t need to open the door,” He backtracked with a swallow. “Just- make a noise of something. Something to tell me you’re okay in there.”

Silence. 

Wilbur felt thrown back into the past. Standing on the other side of Techno’s room knowing there was nobody on the other side. Techno loved running away. Wilbur ran away from home before too- but never under Phil's care. And never once a week like Techno. 

The silence on the other side of the door was jarring and all too familiar. Except Techno never ran away intoxicated and covered in injuries. 

Wilbur’s hand trembled as he tried the door again, knowing full well it was locked.

“Tommy- if you don’t respond I’m coming in.”

All the locks on the doors were the same and Phil kept the key in his room for emergencies. 

This was an emergency, right?

As Wilbur expected, the silence stretched out. He pushed away from the door, turning on his heels to Phil’s room.

Wilbur remembered getting adopted by Phil. The first kid he ever adopted. They didn’t live in this building. Wilbur was fostered in his town. His first home with Phil was an apartment. The apartment was never quiet. With other families surrounding them, even if Wil was the only one home, there was always noise. 

Then they moved. The second place was a home in a small complex. This one was quiet. Wilbur wasn’t used to the quiet. The home was never quiet, and foster families were never quiet either. Somebody always had something to say. To either yell at him or to yell in general. He couldn't focus in the silence, so Phil bought him a guitar.

His first guitar. 

The instrument helped fill the quiet but in the prettiest way. 

Then Techno came. 

Suddenly the house didn’t feel empty anymore.

Wilbur had a friend. 

He and Techno got along well, even if Techno kept his walls up high.

Tommy reminded Wilbur a bit of Techno.

His hands shook as he threw open draws, trying to remember where Phil said the key was. 

Both boys were closed off- but full of life when they let others see it.

Both picked fights- but never without reason.

And both had a knack for running away.

Wilbur's fingers closed around the key as he slammed the drawer shut, quickly retreating back to Tommy.

When Phil announced they would move all those years ago, Wilbur was indifferent. He was used to moving around. But Phil said this would be permanent. He bought a house. A real one. Not one rented or shared with another family 

Now, Wilbur couldn't imagine moving again. He had friends here now. He had a job and went to college. But as much as he loved the house, there was always something missing. 

The one-room next to his that always remained empty. 

Tommy filled that room.

“I’m unlocking the door, Tommy.” Wilbur wasn’t sure why he was still talking. He knew the room was empty. He just didn’t want to be right.

He was.

The brunette paused at the doorway, taking in the room. The window was swung open, cold air washing over everything it touched. Everything looked untouched, except for the closet that was half haphazardly thrown open. Wilbur froze.

When Techno ran away,- he ran away to cool off. He returned on his own in a couple of hours with a tear-stained face a couple new bruises on his knuckles that nobody would mention.

Tommy-

No no no-

Wilbur pulled the clothes hanging in the closet to the side, revealing the floor. It was gone. 

The bag was gone.

When Techno ran away he ran to cool off.

Tommy left with no plan of return.

“Phil!” Wilbur was yelling before he could think about the words. He ran to the top of the stairs, where Phil and Techno appeared at the bottom, both startled by the panic in Wilbur’s tone.

“He- he’s gone.”

Phil’s face fell in understanding like he saw this coming. “Alright. We give him an hour to cool off. If he doesn't come back then we go look for him. Did Tommy bring his phone? We can-”

“ No !” Wilbur’s voice cracked. “He’s like- Tommy’s gone . He took his bag. He- fuck! He took the bag I told him he wouldn't need! I said it was safe here, he could unpack. And he-”

“What bag?” Phil quickly climbed the stairs, placing his hands on Wilbur’s shoulders when he reached him. “Wilbur, you need to calm down. We can’t help if-”

“Tommy kept all his belongings in his backpack. Never unpacked them. Said it was more convenient if he needed to run.”

Phil stiffened. “ He kept a bag ?”

Wilbur isn't sure how he would feel if he found out the kid he was fostering didn’t trust him at all and in fact- kept a bag packed preemptively- waiting for him to prove the kid's beliefs right. 

But he could tell by the way his dad’s face fell in realization that Phil felt pretty shit about it.

“I’m sorry.” He mumbled.

“No, Wilbur. This isn’t your fault. This is- this is me.” Phill took a breath. “Are you sure he left?”

“The room is empty and the window is open, Phil . ” Wilbur bit his cheek. Phil was right, This was on him. And Wilbur wanted to scream at him for it.

But that wouldn't help.

Yelling is what got them here.

Techno cleared his throat from the bottom of the stairs. “It’s a drunk teenager, he couldn't have gone far- right?”

“We need to find him.” Wilbur pushed past his father. He could get mad later. Right now Tommy was gone, and the bedroom next to his needed its occupant back.

Chapter Text

Tommy sprinted.

At least he tried. 

Above average endurance and long legs only gets you far when you’re not stumbling the whole time. 

He wandered the backroads on autopilot. Tommy knew what to do when running away. Avoid main roads, create as much distance between you and the foster house as possible, find a safe space, tell the discord.

He pulled his phone out of his pocket, trying to gaze at the blurry numbers. The first thing he did was put his phone on autopilot. No location to track if his foster family tried that, but that also meant no way to tell his friends. 

I mean, the fact that I even felt the need to turn off location should have been the first sign that it would be okay. 

I felt the need to get off the grid in fear my foster family would follow me. Normally it’s not a worry since I’m phoneless, but I’ve never been scared that a family would try and get me back.

Normally you run because it’s dangerous. You avoid the family because they’re violent . This time I was just hiding.

Hiding from the mess I made. Hiding from the face that I destroyed the best chance I’ve ever gotten. 

There were no sidewalks on the backroad as Tommy took the long way to the bus stop. Just him walking as close to the curb as possible. He would walk on the side of the road, but the overgrowth concealed the ground, and Tommy wasn’t looking to get poison ivy.

I’m not ever sure why I made the decision to go back to the bus stop. The bag on my back was heavy and the home was much closer. My friends were there and if my foster family checked there I could just hide in my room with Ranboo. 

But I didn’t go to the home.

Tommy knew he should text Dream. It'd be better than showing up to his house uninvited. Besides, his older brother would be on his ass about not calling a code blue.

But that required unpausing his phone. 

Tommy stumbled a bit on a rock below his foot, arms flying in front of him to catch himself. 

Fuck.

He wondered if he looked as much of a mess as he felt, tripping over pebbles on the backroad at midnight. At least he thinks that’s what the time on his phone said. 

Tommy recognized this road. Not only were all backroads important to know- but this one held significance. 

It was one long strip connecting the center of town to some of the further off residential areas. To most- it was a winding road surrounded by woods.

To Tommy, it was a place filled with fond memories. 

I remember the first time I came to the woods by the road. 

Dream had gotten fostered and called a code purple. The warning code. 

Ranboo and I were both nervous sick. Sapnap took us down the very road I walked that night. He said he ‘knew a place’. It was the start of Sapnap and his sketchy hang out spots. But we're too young to care. It was late and we had snuck out of the home on a random ass tuesday. Ranboo and I had bigger worries than where our older brother was taking us. 

I remember the directions vividly. Pass the streetlight with the drain at its base then turn into the woods. Keep walking straight till you hit a clearing. To the left of the clearing is a big rock.

I remember climbing that rock with Ranboo and Sapnap. When we got to the top, the moon was over our heads. It was a  full moon and somebody made a werewolf joke. I forget who.

We sat there howling childishly at the mood for like an hour, letting the stress and worry for Dream wash off us with the games.

Tommy stopped in front of one of the light posts. Underneath it, just past the curb, sat a drain.

Bingo.

He had to plan his time carefully when it came to walking on the main roads.  

Tommy wasn’t sure if his foster family called the cops. Normally during a code blue others would look out for sirens if that were the case- but he was alone this time. Which meant he needed to plan correctly. Arrive at the bus stop just in time for the bus, but without time to sit and wait.

If it was truly just after midnight like he thought, Tommy had an hour to kill. 

He turned to the woods.

There was no direct path to the clearing, but he didn’t have to walk long. He stomped on plants beneath his feet and pushed branches out of the way until he was met with the familiar sight. 

It’s no magical sanctuary or anything. Just a small section of the woods with dead leaves under your feet instead of plants. There were no trees in the clearing, only a couple bushes in the center.

And sure enough, the rock to the right.

Tommy pulled himself up to the top of the rock, looking to the sky.

It wasn’t a full moon. There was hardly even any moon.

It was too cloudy, too dark.

Fitting.

He dropped his head to his lap, feeling tears burn into his eyes.

The peace and isolation of the woods was supposed to calm him, but Tommy just felt all his emotions swirl harder than before.

His consequences of going to the party, of lying, of lashing out. He lost the best fucking family he’s been passed off to so far. Everyone knew it. Natalie said she had a good feeling about this house. Dream gave him endless advice too. Tommy laughed bitterly into his lap, watching dark tears fall onto his pants. They were dirtied from the woods and still smelled of weed from the party. It was easier to tell when surrounded by fresh air and plants. 

Looking to the sky once more, Tommy imagined the moon was there. He imagined it was a simpler time, when his biggest worry was Dream’s code purple and when he would get back.

Except this time, when Tommy opened his mouth to the sky, he didn’t howl like a child.

He screamed.

From the bottom of his stomach, the type of yell that you can feel from the base of a soul. It said more than the biggest words could ever. It cracked his voice and strained his vocal chords, but Tommy kept pushing. 

He emptied his lungs, along with the pain and frustration.

Along with the fear and sadness.

Along with the stupidity.

He heaved, sleeping backwards until he was lying on his back. It was harder to get air into his longs in this position, but he stayed there anyway, 

There were no people near to be worried about the noise, so Tommy inhaled again.

There was something grounding in the way his screams cut through the silence of night. In some twisted way, it was calming. 

The process continued until his throat was raw. Tears streamed down his face and his chest heaved. 

Who needs therapy. 

I’ve got letters and a screaming rock.

It was dizzying, the amount of exertion he went through from simply yelling at the sky. 

Or maybe the adrenaline was wearing off.

Tommy’s ribs ached and his lungs itched . A painful scratch of the oxygen circling rubbing the wrong way.

He slipped off the rock, forcing himself to cough in hopes to fix it. 

Tommy covered his mouth with his hand instead of his elbow in a vain attempt to muffle the sound. If anyone was around to hear- he’s sure the harsh coughs were the least of their issues. They’re probably more worried about the gut wrenching screams they’ve been hearing for the past hour, Tommy mused. He brought his hand away from his mouth as he reached the road again, glancing at his palm under the streetlight.

It was flicked with blood. 

Okay, the screaming may be therapeutic- but it’s highly impractical. 

Tommy shrugged, wiping his hand on his pants as he made his way to the bus stop. It’s the least worrying injury on his long list.

“It’s nearly one am. We can’t stay out here.” Phil said. “C’mon. Tommy will come back when he’s ready, I know it. We can talk with the cops tomorrow.” 

“No, we have to keep looking.” Wilbur mumbled. He tried to keep walking, but Phil grabbed his arm.

“Mate.”

“ No. Dad.” Wilbur tried to match Phil’s tone, but his voice shook just a bit more. “You wanna go run inside, fine. But Tommy is out there because you lost your shit. I’m not gonna stop looking.”

Phil didn’t say anything as Wilbur continued to rambe about how it was his fault. He knew underneath the angry words there was not only truth- but a worried brother. And Phil knew better than to interrupt that. 

Techno stayed home to see if Tommy came back. Something all three of them knew wouldn't happen, but the pink haired teen watched out regardless. Wilbur and Phil had been wandering the streets for the better of an hour with no results.

“You’re exhausted, let's get home.” Phil prompted gently once Wilbur calmed down.

The younger allowed his dad to guide him down the street without a fight this time. After a while, he spoke. “You don’t really think he’ll come back on his own accord, do you?”

“I’m not sure.” Phil said honestly. “But I know that right now Tommy doesn't want to be found. He’s got hiding spots and right now- this late at night-” Phil sighed. “We won't find him.”

Wilbur just nodded. 

His dad knew what he was doing, he knew that.

But sometimes Wilbur forgot just how well Phil knew what he was doing. 

Techno had his own fair shares of running away. And while these may be drastically different conditions-

Phil had experience. He knew how to handle this.

Wilbur allowed himself to be guided into his house by his father before the autopilot took over and he walked upstairs, ignoring the dejected look on Techno’s face when they came back empty-handed.

The bus was- mostly empty.

Tommy sat in the back, head down, shoulders slumped in an attempt to avoid conversations. 

Of course that didn’t work.

“You look familiar.” A soft voice said from a couple seats in front of him.

Tommy looked up, only to be greeted with the familiar stare of a past foster sibling.

He had no harsh feelings towards the girl. His age, town over. Her parents were pricks, but she wasn’t. Her name was Maddison or something.

“-Tommy?” Her eyes widened as she finally got a good look at his face.

“The one the only.” He said bitterly, wincing at the way his throat protested.

“You look horrible!”

“Well you didn’t age perfectly yourself, it’s been five years.”

“No that’s not,” She grinned. “That’s not what I meant.”

Looking back on that conversation, I should count myself lucky that the girl had a sense of humor. I was definitely weak enough to be whacked with no fighting back.

But hey, look at me go. Always pushing and fucking pushing, 

“It’s been a rough night.” Tommy explained. He wasn’t about to trauma dump to some bio kid hes seen for the first time in five years, but he can give her vague answers so she doesn't call the cops about some bloodied beat up obviously drunk foster at one am.

One am.

“Maddison, what are you doing on the bus at one am?”

She shrugged. “Family issues. You remember how my parents were.”

Tommy did not. Bad parents all began to blur together after a couple years, mushing together to create the ultimate horror. But he nodded anyway.

“Yeah. They never stopped fostering. Keep wondering why no kid wants to stick ‘round. When we were little, I guess I never realized the shitty treatment you got. I was sheltered as fuck. But I’m older now. I see their actions and- it’s embarrassing .” The girl looked mortified just recounting it. 

Tommy’s mouth formed an ‘o’, but no words came out. 

“Yeah,” Maddison seemed to get it anyway. “Hey what about you tho? Got a nice family?”

“I’m on a bus at one am bloodied and smelling of weed,” Tommy deadpanned. “What do you think?”

Maddison raised her hands again with a grin. “No assumptions made here.”

Not all bio kids are bad. Most are, but there is a small list of ones I don’t hate with my entire soul. It used to be a one person list, placing you in both first and last Tubbo. But now it's a two person list, and you're the rightful ruler of first place. 

“Well,” Maddison gets up as the bus slows down. “This is my stop. Stay safe out there, Tommy.”

Tommy knew biological families fought. He knew they weren’t perfect. He’s seen the Underscore household for god’s sake. But he never thought about the way bio kids felt about their parents. Was Tubbo as upset by his parents behavior too?

Tommy always thought he just manned up to listen to Tommy bitch about his mom and dad. It never occured to Tommy that maybe Tubbo bitched about them too. 

The realization made him feel worse if anything. He had been given a family of good people. 

And he was scared to ruin it, so he never opened up. Which in the end- ruined it.

Not even all bio kids got presented the rare opportunity of a happy family. 

And when he got one, he drank it away at some shitty party.

The adrenaline had most definitely worn off by the time Tommy climbed Dream’s driveway. The long hike made his bones ache even more.

Nothing felt broken- if his long trek to his brother went for anything. If Tommy broke something there would be no way he could climb up this driveway. His throat was fucking killing him and the pain in his side made him lightheaded, but it just looked like bruising. 

Tommy hasn't seen his face yet, but he assumes it matches the rest of him.

Sapnap’s car was gone when Tommy reached the top. Dream’s parents still weren’t home, so he was either about to interrupt his brother from cleaning or sleeping. 

Last second hesitance crept into his stomach.

Dream was busy. Doing what was unclear, but he wasn't just gonna be lounging around on his phone at two thirty in the morning. He always kicked people out at one, one-thirty, and spent the rest of the night cleaning before his parents got home. And if the lack of other cars in the driveway was anything- he was working alone.

He didn’t need to take care of Tommy. 

He already fucked up enough relationships that night. 

But at the same time, it was late. Tommy felt ready to keel over and pass out at any moment. His breath was shaky, vision spotty, and stomach twisted. He was already here, anyway.

Without giving his doubt time to retaliate, Tommy pulled himself up the front steps.

I, as you know, am unpredictable at times. I like to keep people on their toes, y’know Tubbo? Some call it stressful, I call it never getting dull.

But I do feel bad sometimes. Like when it's two-thirty in the morning and I show up at my brother-whos-not-really-my-brother-but-he’s-the-closest-thing-I-have-so-I-call-him-my-brother’s house looking like I got beat up a couple hours prior.

(I had)

“ Tommy? ” Dream pulled back the door as soon as he relized who it was, instantly stepping out on the steps infront of the teen.

“The one and only.” Tommy mumbled, his voice unmistakable fucked.

“Jesus fucking christ, are you-” Dream’s hands hovered next to Tommy’s shoulders, like he was scared to touch him, as he gaze took in every injury on the boy. “Are you okay ?”

Tommy hummed for a moment, trying to make the word stop spinning. “Not really, big man.”

Dream froze. “Okay,” He  said softly, guiding Tommy inside. “Okay, it’s okay. This is- it’ll be okay.”

I think admitting that I wasn’t doing too hot was like- the worst thing I could have done if I wanted to reassure Dream in the slightest. 

I never just say I’m hurt. You gotta throw in at least three ‘I’m fines’ and two ‘I’m a big man’ before you cave to the offer of help and comfort. And even then you need to make it look reluctant.

Otherwise you get dependent. And as a foster that title of independence means a lot to me.

But that night I was so tired. Fuck it if I just want to be dependent for one night. To be taken care of by somebody I trust. Not some foster parents begrudgingly cleaning me up. 

Like the old nights at the home, when I would fall from playing outside or something. 

I remember just sitting on the bathroom sink in the home, with my legs dangling over the edge. Dream would hold my hand as Sapnap applied the antibiotic ointment and Ranboo stood to the side holding the bandaids (or waiting his turn to get his cuts cleaned too).

“What happened?” Dream asked softly as he shut the door behind him and Tommy.

The younger was right, he had interrupted his brother's cleaning. 

He made a mental note to offer to help later if he felt better. But right now he was still swaying on his feet.

“I-” Tommy cleared his throat, wincing at the way even I was hard to say. “I’m sure Ranboo told you about the fight.”
“Yeah, not pleased about that one.” Dream shook his head, but Tommy could tell he wasn’t mad. Just disappointed. But it still made his heart sink. Just doing a load of disappointing and relationship ruining tonight, huh.

“Well, Techno drove me home.” Tommy continued slowly. “I’m sure you know that. And when we got home- it’s kinda, it-” his voice cracked. “It went to fucking shit.”

“How so?” Dream gently prompted as he guided Tommy to the bathroom.

“I pushed Phil, y’know, how I fucking do. And I ruined it. I ruined my chance with the best family I’ve gotten so far. I-”

“You what, Tommy?”

“I ran.”

Dream froze, moving to stand in front of the younger. “Oh my god. Did I-” He pulled his phone out. “Did I miss a code blue? I’m so sorry Tommy I wouldn't have been there I-”

“No, I didn't-” Tommy dropped his gaze to the ground. “I didn’t call one.”

“What? Why?!”

Tommy winced.

How do you say ‘Because I’m stupid and stubborn and left a good family before we had a chance to talk things out and fix it because the back of my brain wont shut up about ruining this family like I ruined my own’? How do you put the fear of disappointing people you’ve grown attached to being so strong that you just run from it? The fact that you knew they would go looking, so you turned off your phone? Because you  thought they’d be better off without? But at the same time, you kept the phone, because deep down you don't want to leave?

How do you put those confusing twists of emotions into words? It's the definition of self sabotage and selfishness wrapped into one.

It’s stupid and frankly embarassing- that this is what I worry about.

So I didn’t say any of that.

“I didn’t need to. It was no big deal.”

Dream sucked in a breath. “Tommy. You never call codes. It is a big deal. It’s almost three am and you’re covered in bood and bruises. You look ready to pass out and you clearly fucked up your throat. Not to mention I’m not excataly your next door neighbor. What if something happened to you on the way here? That’s so much ground to cover if you went missing. You need to tell people.”

Tommy shrugged.

“No,” Nobody could miss the frustration seeping into Dream’s voice. “You don’t get to shrug this one off. Look at me.”
Tommy paused for a moment, before slowly peering up. He didn’t lift his head, but he looked through his bangs. It hurt his eyes, but he didn’t want to be able to properly see the disappointment that was in Dream’s voice also on his face. 

“Sapnap and I- we made those codes for everyone to use, but you and Ranboo were definitely at the front of our minds when we did it. Please . They’re there to help you. I know you’ve got this mig man deal.” Dream smiled softly. “But you’re always the last to call a code. When others call a red, you’re calling a purple. I get that you wanna be this strong kid that nobody can touch, but-” Dream began moving them to the bathroom again. “Nobody is untouchable. Promise me, next time you’ll call a code?”

Tommy felt his eye’s burn for the uncountable time that night. “Promise.”

Dream reached over to brush the hair out of Tommy’s eyes as he flicked on the bathroom light. “Stay here, I’m gonna get some antibiotic shit, then we can talk more.”

Tommy nodded, watching Dream disappear before looking at the mirror. 

Well, it’s safe to say I knew why both Dream and the bio girl on the bus got so worried.

Dried blood was smudged against Tommy’s lip and mixed with tears around his entire face. A big bruise was forming against his jaw and the bags under his eyes looked more prominent in the bathroom lighting.

His entire face was pale, with no blush left in his lips. His eyes were bloodshot but he couldn't tell if it was from screaming or a result of the party. Or maybe all the crying.

His hair was disheveled and the pieces Dream had brushed out of his eyes just fell back into place. 

Tommy didn’t recognize himself. 

Dream appeared back in the doorway with a first aid box and glass of water. “C’mon, sit on the toilet.” 

Tommy sat on the closed lid as his brother crouched in front of him. 

“Drink this.”

He nodded silently, taking the cup from Dream. The water was chilled, but not cold. It soothed Tommy’s throat but he still cringed as he swallowed. Dream was quiet as he drank, waiting patiently as Tommy sipped slowly. He only drank about half the glass before putting it down. 

“I’m gonna start with your face,” Dream explained, “But it sounds like nobody checked you over after your party fight before you ran.” It wasn’t a question, but Tommy confirmed anyway. “I’ll have to do that.”

There’s something twistedly domestic about sitting on the edge of the toilet seat as Dream cleaned me up. Having a brother care about my injuries is something I rarely got in foster homes. Hell, even Techno didn’t do much past a water and mint. 

Dasani water and mint. 

It was familiar, like we were smaller again. Back at the home when my biggest injury was falling out of a tree or tripping while running. 

It was nice. To have somebody else patch me up.

“No putting makeup over this.” Dream said, his hand hovering over the cut on Tommy’s cheek he just finished putting ointment and a bandaid on. “It will get infected.”

“I know,” Tommy mumbled. “Only bruises, no open injuries.”

“But you never follow that rule.” Dream raised an eyebrow.

“Because typically I’m hiding injuries. Everyone already knows about this one.” Tommy mumbled. 

Dream just hummed. “Alright, face is done, shirt off.”

“Wow, take a man to dinner first.” Tommy grinned.

“ Tommy. ” 

“Jeez alright. Shirt off.”

“I’m glad you’re feeling well enough to mess around, but I want to make sure you don’t have too many injuries. There’s not much I can do if you refucked your ribs though.”

Tommy winced at the feeling of moving his torso, but with a little help from Dream, the sweatshirt and shirt underneath were gently tossed to the side. 

Dream sucked in a breath. “He got you good right below the ribs.”

Tommy hummed in agreement. 

There was nothing for Dream to clean, just a couple cuts on his palms from where Tommy stumbled, and some dirt to wipe away. 

Tommy bit back a cry when the cloth swiped over a particularly dark bruise, and Dream instantly retracted his hand. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

“I know.” Tommy exhaled shakely. “It’s okay.”

The talking upset his throat again, and Tommy quickly brought his hand back to his mouth as another coughing fit arose. This time, he didn’t force it- and he couldn't stop and his throat stung from pain and his chest shook with no air to exhale. His entire torso felt on fire by the time he stopped hacking. 

“You okay, man?” Dream asked softly.

“Yeah,” Tommy pulled his hand away from his mouth, glazing down slightly. Fuck . There were more spots of blood than last time, and they shone brighter in contrast to the freshly cleaned hand. He quickly lowered his hand, going to brush it against his pant leg, but Dream was faster.

“What’s that-” There was a hand around his wrist in a second, pulling his hand up again. “Tommy.”

“I’m fine.” The younger croaked out. “I just need water, can you-”

“Shit, right.” Dream picked the glass back up, passing it to Tommy as he wiped his hand. 

“I just used my throat too much.” Tommy explained in between sips. “Let everything out, yknow?”

Dream hesitated before nodding slowly. Tommy could tell he was worried and didn’t believe him. “Hold on, I’m getting you a change of clothes, you’re not putting that shit on back on.”

Tommy nodded, letting Dream clean up the supplies and leave the room as he slowly made his way through the glass of water.

One change of clothes later, Tommy found himself sitting on Dream’s bed, draped in a sweatshirt and sweatpants too big for him. The drawstring on the pants was pulled tightly and the wrestling sweatshirt from Dream’s school pooled around his body with the sleeves rolled up. 

Fuck wrestlers with their muscles and big build. I’m not some scrawny btich Tubbo, I have muscles and enough strength to hold my own. But man I felt like a fucking child wearing my brothers clothes. 

“I can take the couch, seriously.” Tommy mumbled.

“Nah, don’t worry about it, kid.” Dream ruffled his hair. “Besides, I gotta finish cleaning out there anyway.”

“Alright.”

“But before I go, wanna tell me what happened? In more depth?”

Tommy knew that was coming. He was surprised it took so long though.

“Nothing more than what I already said.” He shrugged. “I pushed Phil too far and he snapped. Said maybe I wasn’t a good fit for the family if I already made up my mind ‘bout it not working. He’s right, y’know?” Tommy felt tears burn in his eyes and Dream tsked sadly, sitting next to the boy to pull him into his side. “I was so scared it wouldn't work, that I convinced myself it wouldn't. That way when it didn’t, I wouldn't be let down. But I guess I forgot to leave the possibility that it would in my brain.” He sunk further into Dream. “But he was right. So I left. I didn’t wanna have to see the look on his face when he inevitably told me he was sending me back.”

Dream smiled sadly. “Alright. Thanks for telling me.”

Tommy’s response was cut off my Dream’s phone dinging. The older checked the notification, sucking in a breath, beforing shoving his phone back into his pocket.

“What?”

“Nothing, don’t worry, get some sleep.”

“If it was nothing, you would tell me. It’s about the fosters isn’t it.” Tommy sat up. “Tehcno didn’t reach out, did he?”

“No.” Dream said quickly. “Honestly. It wasn’t Techno. It's nothing bad but nothing good. Just go to bed and we can talk tomorrow.”

“No, Dream what was it-”

“Tommy.”

“Fine.” Tommy sunk down in bed. He wanted to push, but while the exhaustion was hard to fight, Dream was even harder. “Good night, Dream. Thank you.”

“Of course, kid.”

Dream found Tommy’s phone in the pocket of his dirty sweatshirt. Smart kid put it on airplane mode. But that wasn’t what he was looking for. 

The password was easy enough to guess. It only took a couple tries going through all the important dates in Tommy’s life. It ended up being the date Dream got adopted. 

Cute.

He bit his thumb, scrolling through the contacts until he found the one he was looking for. Copying the number into his own phone, he pressed the dial.

Dream hoped they would still be up at this time.
“Hello, who is this?” The sound filtered through Dream’s ear.

“Is this Tommy’s foster father? My name is Dream.”

There was a pause on the other end. Then a shush, and all the background noise died before Phil spoke up again. ”This is.”

Dream smiled, resting his  phone between his shoulder and ear as he continued to clean up. “I’ll keep it simple. I’ve got Tommy. He’s safe right now and sleeping. No, you can't come pick him up. I will talk to him tomorrow but from my understanding of the situation- you’re not a bad person, Phil. There’s been some shit foster parents and you’re not on that list. The kid just needs some improved communication skills.” Dream laughed a bit. “He’s okay though.”

“He is?” Dream could almost feel the relief flood through the line. “Thank you so much for helping him.”

“Of course. He’s like my brother.”

“Oh!” There's a pause from the other end. “Sorry, I only just now put a name to a face, mate. Nice to finally meet you, Dream. Even if it's under these circumstances.”

“Likewise.” Dream smiled. He’d heard a lot about Phil from Tommy, but Techno too. Before Dream got adopted, he was friends with Techno. Recently adopted bonded with the foster, both of them with a knack for wrestling. Dream loved hearing Techno’s stories of a happy family. Good brother and dad. Those were rare. Techno was an out of town success tale, and it’s part of the reason the two of them bonded so quickly.

When he found out Tommy was getting fostered by Phil, he had good feelings from the beginning. 

“How do you feel, mate?” Phil asked. Dream wasn’t sure if it was just courtesy since he patched up Tommy or if the man truly wanted to know. He just hummed. 

“Stressed.”

It was vague, but hopefully enough to satisfy Phil. But from what he’s heard from Tommy about Phil’s methods to gently pry feelings out of you, it would not be. 

The ‘father to all’ nickname was starting to make more sense. 

“Dream, you’re Techno’s age, right?”

“Yeah,” He scooped more trash into the bin. “Senior in highschool. Just turned eighteen last month.”

“Happy belated birthday.” Phil said warmly. 

“Thanks.” 

The rant felt on the tip of Dream’s tongue. He was just over a year older than Tommy. Yet sometimes he felt like a full fucking adult. Taking care of the younger kids, creating codes, doing the things the real adults couldn't be bothered to. 

Fucking Phil and his questions. Dream knew what he wanted, so he gave in. He needed someone to let it out to, and he did just save Phil’s ass by taking Tommy off the street for the night. Sapnap can thank the man later since he won't have to get the earful. 

“I’m just a year older.” Dream started, tying up the full garbage bag. “I was fourteen when I created these procedures to follow to help keep foster kids safe. I was doing things adults wouldn't do because nobody cared . I’ve been patching up Tommy since I met him when I was eleven. This- this is not unfamiliar to me.”

Phil was silent on the other end, but something told Dream he was listening. 

“Tommy’s the same way, y’know. The younger kids look up to him in the same way kids his age look at me. It’s seen as this title of honor or some shit, but I wouldn't wish it on anyone. There’s no room to care for yourself when you’re constantly checking on others. Even twenty minutes ago- we got a message that a kid is being relocated. I didn’t tell him. If Tommy knew he wouldn't go to bed.” Dream sighed. “The kid would sell his soul and his first born to keep the younger kids safe, Phil. I would too just- Tommy ignores his limits. He’ll push himself and push himself for others. Please don’t let that happen.”

There was silence on the other end for a moment before a soft- “I won’t.” 

Dream sat down on the sofa, bringing his hand back up to the phone as he slumped backwards. “Thank you.”

“You really care about him, don’t you.” 

“I’m the older foster. I have to.” Dream paused. “But yeah, I do. Required to or not, the kid’s my brother. I’m glad he’s going to a good home. Thank you for taking care of him.”
“Of course.” Phil replied. 

Telling somebody other than Sapnap, who understood, about his struggle felt lightening in a way. Phil sounded exactly like Techno and Tommy described. Dream wasn't sure why he poured his life grevinced to some man he only officially met over the phone five minutes ago, but it’s too late to take it back, and he wasn’t mad about it. 

“It’s late, Dream. Get some sleep, okay?”

Dream didn’t know how to tell Phil once he hung up he had an entire house to clean, or a deck to wipe down with small blood splatters still there from the fight. He wasn’t sure how to tell him he still had people to call to try and figure out who it was who decided to hurt his brother, or the fact that tomorrow he would have some confronting to do. He didn’t know how to tell Phil on top of all this he had to comfort a kid being moved an hour away because you can never go off the clock as an older foster. Even if he’s been adopted. He had a long night ahead of him, a sleepless one too. But Phil didn’t need to know that.

“Alright. Thank you.”

No, thank you, Mate. We’ll talk tomorrow.”

“Yeah.”

Chapter Text

I’m no stranger to waking up in unfamiliar places, Tubbo. 

Like, with foster homes n shit.

You know what I mean.

Sometimes, when I wake up, the memories of the day before take a while to register. Waking up the first morning in a new house is always the worst.

That morning was extremely disorienting. 

Tommy’s first continuous thought is that he’s drowning. Not in water, but in pillows. He may as well be drowning in water because his second thought is how much his lungs hurt. And his third is the realization that he has never owned this many pillows in his life.

Tommy sat up in the bed, trying to recall the night before. His head hurt and it was way too bright out. It had to be mid-day. His mouth felt dry and his stomach swirled. 

A fucking hangover.

Then, the memories hit.

The party. The fight. The unofficial code blue.

Tommy looked around the room, newly identified as Dream’s. He’s been in it before, but never gotten the chance to truly take it in. Everything about it screamed Dream . From the green decorations to the pictures on the walls, from both foster kids and his new friends. The room was messy, but not in a gross way. It was lived in and well used. Items were thrown about on the desk and Tommy’s backpack sat on the floor by the door, his clothes from last night neatly folded. 

Tommy got out of bed, quietly crossed the room to his bag. The clothes were warm, likely taken out of the dryer recently. He paused for a moment, but decided against changing out of Dream’s clothes. They were warm, and reminded him of his brother. Surly Dream wouldn't mind if he wore them a little longer.

He opened the door, walking down the halls to try and find Dream. The teen in question was in the kitchen, wiping down the counters 

“Morning.” Tommy greeted, wincing as he used his throat for the first time that day.

Dream snapped his head up at the sound. “Afternoon, actually. But hello.” He was quick to grab a bottle of water, tossing it to the younger. “Sleep well?”
“Was knocked out the second you left the room.”

Dream smiled. “So, what do you remember?” He motioned for Tommy to sit at the kitchen island, while he leaned across from the other side.

“Vague bits of everything. Got the crap beat out of me, went home, got yelled at, panicked, came here. If Phil doesn't hate me he’s stressed and if you aren’t mad then you’re worried and I’m royally fucked.”

“Of course I’m worried.” Dream started. “I could never be mad about something like this, but I think when the kid that's basically my younger brother shows up at two am crying and bloodied I’m allowed to get worried.”

Tommy hummed in agreement. He wasn’t wrong, there was no way for the younger to retaliate. 

It was silly of me to think Dream would be mad. Of course he wouldn't. 

But I didn’t know Phil or my foster brothers as well. 

I could think they’re mad, but I have no logical part of my brain that knows better to tell me otherwise.

“Want anything to eat?” Dream asked, breaking the calm quiet that had fallen.

“ ‘M not hungry.”

“Okay, that's last night's consequences talking. I’m making you some toast.”

“If you had your mind made up about me eating, why phrase it like an offer?”

“Because,” Dream took out the bread and toaster. “If you were hungry I would have given you options. But you’re not so you get toast. And you will eat it.” He pointed to Tommy with the bread in his hand, flaring around the slice. Tommy grinned.

“Alright.”

“Now,” Dream pressed down on the toaster and turned back around to Tommy. “Now that that’s settled, what-” He paused. “Do you remember last night, right before you went to bed?”

“Uh, no. Why am I supposed to?”

“I got a message. Well- we got a message but-”

“My phone is on airplane mode.”

“Yes.” Dream twisted his hands nervously. “I didn’t want to tell you last night because I knew you wouldn't sleep then, but when Ranboo got home he found out he was getting relocated. The message last night was to say that his date got moved up a week. He leaves today. An hour away.”

All traces of sleep left Tommy immediately. “An hour ? And today? But- that's so soon!”

Tubbo, I wasn’t worried about the actual relocation. We’re fosters, it happens all the time.

It was more- annoyance that I didn’t get to say goodbye or good luck. Sure Ranboo had his laptop but it could be weeks before I saw him again. 

“I know.” Dream nodded. 

“And you didn’t tell me last night?”

“You needed sleep. You still should be resting, but at least you got like nine hours.”

“But-”

“Tommy there was nothing you could have done that night besides texting Ranboo and distracting him from packing.”

Tommy knew Dream was right, but he huffed anyway. 

The toast popped and Dream was quick to put it on a plate and place it in front of Tommy before moving to sit next to him “Eat.”

Tommy nodded, and they sat in relative silence as the younger ate. He didn’t finish the full thing, but Dream seemed satisfied with three fourths. 

“When are your parents getting back?” Tommy asked.

“Later tonight, why?”

“Just trying to gauge what time I should get out of your hair by.”

Dream just waved him off. “I’ll drive you back, don't worry.”

“To the home?”

“No, to Phil’s.”

“But-”

“I called him last night.” Dream cut Tommy off. 

“You what ?”

“He’s a good foster parent, Tommy. I just told him where you were so the man wouldn't have a heart attack or something.”

“I can’t believe you called Phil.” Tommy crossed his arms. “What did you talk about?”

“Not you, actually. We talked about me, so don’t worry.” Dream smiled softly. “But I told him I would talk to you today, about going back. Just to communicate with him. I know you Kid, you didn’t run away because you wanted to leave that house. You ran before somebody else forced you to. But it was a premature action. Nobody in that house wants you gone, oaky? If after the talk you decide you hate it there, I’ll pick you up and drive you to the home myself. I’ll stick around in town just in case. But before then, I will drag you to that door if I have to.”

Tommy grinned at the visual and Dream nudged him softly. Of course his brother always knew how to make him laugh. “Nah, dragging won't be necessary. I’ll go but- later.”

“Of course.” Dream smiled warmly.

Not only was I procrastinating talking with Phil, I also just genuinely missed mornings with Dream. He lives so far away now. We used to be just down the hall from each other in the same building.

This morning, even if under drastically different circumstances, it held a twinge of nostalgia. 

“I’m going to get my phone to text Ranboo now.” Tommy said, pushing away from the island. 

Tommy looked nervously out the window as town came into view.

“Are you sure you want me to stop at the bottom of the street? I can drive you right up to the house.” Dream repeated for the upteenth time.

“What are you scared you’ll drive out of sight and I bolt?” 

“Yes, actually.” Dream said light heartedly. “I know you, kid.”

“Well, I wont. You can even wait at the bottom of the road if it makes you feel better.” Tommy offered. 

Phil’s house was on a road similar to Dream’s driveway, long and uphill. The difference is, it was a street instead of a private road. You could see Phil’s front porch from the bottom and you could see the bottom from the front porch.

“Alright.” Dream says as they pull into the familiar neighborhood. “I will.”
Tommy’s stomach sinks as Phil’s house comes into view, the green-grey paint standing out amongst the other row houses on the block. 

Dream pulls to a stop at the bottom of the road. “If you try to run I will track you down and tackle you.”

Tommy grinned. “I don’t doubt it.”

Sometimes it feels like Dream wants what's best for me more than I do. Because I hate confrontation and quite frankly it didn't seem worth it in the moment. 

“Thank you, for everything,” Tommy said as he got out of the car. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” Dream smiled.

Tommy nodded, closing the door behind him. His bag on his shoulder felt heavy as he climbed the hill. 

This was a bad idea.

He shouldn't have let Dream talk him into this.

Of course he wanted to go back- but he fucked up.

And Tommy will keep fucking up.

It’s all he does. He ruins families. It’s why he’s standing here as a foster. 

He stops walking. 

Maybe with enough tears Dream will drive him back to the home. Maybe-

Tommy’s thought process is interrupted as somebody ran down the porch steps and into the yard.

Wilbur.

It wasn’t hard to tell who it was, even with the afternoon shadows behind him and concealing his features. Nobody else in the house was gangly with the form of a beanie atop their silhouette. 

I was scared, more than anything in that moment. Not of Wilbur- or anybody who may be waiting for me at the top of that hill, but of what happened once I returned to Phil’s house. 

Would I be in trouble? Would I be returned? 

Dream said Phil wasn’t mad- but he never mentioned Wilbur or Techno. 

Tommy was still frozen as Wilbur approached him. 

The sun sat on the horizon line at the top of the hill, but as his oldest foster brother got closer the shadows on his form faded, revealing Wilbur’s face.

Not one trace of anger like Tommy thought. Just pure worry. Horribly concealed, worry.

I’ve never had anyone worry for me, Tubbo. Well, no, that’s not true. There are lots of people who worry for me. But that’s you, Ranboo, Dream- etc. I’ve never had a foster family worry about me. Yet there stood Wilbur, with eyebags and tear streaks. 

“Tommy?”

The younger flinched back at the way his name filled the silence of the street. Wilbur stopped walking a couple feet away, just out of arm's reach. Tommy wasn’t sure if that made him feel better or worse. Tears burned at his eyes, but he bit his cheek to try and stop them from falling.

I had done enough crying in the past two days.

I wanted to close the distance between us. I felt like there wasn’t enough distance. I wanted to go home. Which home? I don't know. There was so much I had to say but I couldn't think of words for any of it. So Wilbur, being Wilbur, went first.

“Listen, what Phil said? It was so messed up. I won't sit here and defend him because it was fucked up. Tehcno and I can agree on that and even Phil knows he should have chosen different words. But that's his apology to make. He-” Tommy watched as Wilbur started to tear up too. “But he didn’t mean it, Toms. This can still work. We want it to work. Tommy, I want it to work. Only if you’ll let us try, though.”

“So,” Tommy bit his tongue. “I’m not getting sent back?”

His voice sounded so quiet in contrast to Wilbur's mini speech. Whereas Wilbur talked surly, Tommy asked the question while taking a small step back, hand gripped tightly to the backpack strap over his shoulder. 

“Oh god Toms. No, never. Not over something like this. Not over anything .”

The fucking nickname is gonna kill me.

And in that moment, I forgot why I ran, I forgot why I was worried. I didn’t see an annoyed foster brother or a pitiful one who was forced to come out and be the person to break the news.I didn’t see a risk of being sent back. 

I saw a brother. 

For the first time, I saw my brother.

Not a foster sibling, not an obligation to get along with, I saw Wilbur.

Tommy pushed forward suddenly, closing the space between him and Wilbur with a force that sent his brother stumbling back a couple steps. 

“I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean- I- I’m sorry.” He choked out as Wilbur’s arms wrapped around him. Tommy knew he wasn’t in trouble, but the mantra of apologies always made things better at old houses, and it was all he could think about as he tucked his head into Wilbur’s neck. 

Wilbur just tugged him closer, burying his face in Tommy’s hair, one hand on his back and the other at the base of his neck. 

“It’s okay,” Wilbur whispered. “You’re okay. We’re- we’re gonna be okay, Toms.”

Tommy let the tears he’d been holding go, and if Wilbur didn’t mention the way his collar got wet then Tommy wouldn't bring up the dampness in his hair. 

He wasn’t sure how long they stood there, but Tommy didn’t mind, relishing in the way he could feel Wilbur’s heartbeat against his chest and the warm hand against his neck. 

He just squeezed tighter as a familiar car drove away at the bottom of the road. (And if Dream took a couple pictures, that was for Dream to know. The lighting was too good to miss.)

“Are you sure- '' Tommy pulled away slightly to look at Wilbur’s face. “Are you sure Phil wont be mad?”

“Not at all Toms.” Wilbur smiled, using his thumb to brush away a tear that didn't smudge off on the sweater. The older began to pull away and Tommy bit back a childish whine. 

“C’mon,” Wilbur held out his hand, motioning to two figures that appeared on the porch. “Let's go before Phil sends Techno to come down and get us.”

Tommy grinned at the lighthearted comment, grabbing Wilbur’s hand. 

Communication is boring, I’ll spare you the details.

Tommy was back at his desk, finishing off a very in depth letter about the past two days to Tubbo. 

Basically Phil apologized, I said alright, but not it’s okay. Because it’s not okay. His words fucking hurt. And during our communication session I let him know that. Phil just nodded like he’d seen it coming. But overall not bad and I’m still here for the next two months. 

I think that’s it for now. Just another weekend in the life of Tommy Innit. Code blues, getting beat up, parties, the usual. 

Hmm as I reread this letter I’m starting to see why you worry so much.

Anyway, I’ll make sure to add more if anything happens, but for now- 

Thanks for reading. I love you, bye.

-Tommy.

Tommy lowered his pencil and leaned back in his chair. 

The letter was on the longer side, but that's to be expected with what he went through. 

His phone pinged on his bed and he pushed himself out of his chair to grab it before sitting back down.

Tommy’s stomach sunk at the notification.

Ranboo 6.45 pm
Code purple

Tommy picked up the eraser and got rid of his sign off.

I’m never ending a letter with ‘if anything happens I’ll add more later’ again. Because that was a jinx and a curse wrapped into one. 

Chapter Text

I remember when I was twelve, I was still relatively new to the foster system. In the home you shared a room with one other person. They tried to keep you with kids your age and your gender, but not every boy my age was the nicest.

Bad house after bad house, I got sent back to the home just to be bullied.

That was until they put me into one of the rooms towards the back of the home. These rooms were further away from adult supervision and typically reserved for the older kids or the generally better behaved ones.

My new roommate was different then others I had been forced with for the past year.

He was nice to me, he understood what I was going through. He showed me his friends, they were older than us but treated us equally. 

I wasn’t used to that.

We spent all day hanging out and all night laughing too. 

It may have been past lights out but nobody told us to shut up, laughing was rare. 

I found myself looking forward to going back to the home after failed houses. Because I had friends there. An ‘older brother’ who would keep the bullies away. A social worker, who- despite not always choosing the best houses, genuinely did want the best for me. And a best friend, who helped me see the good in the fucked up situation I had.

My roommate, Ranboo.

Tubbo, introducing the two of you had to be one of my best decisions ever.

The discord had been faced with radio silence ever since Ranboo sent the message Saturday night. 

It was Monday morning, and Tommy was pretty sure he was allowed panic at this point.

His foster family could tell something was up, but Tommy is pretty sure they just chalked it up to the aftermath of that Friday. 

They didn’t know about the codes, they didn’t know about Ranboo. 

Tommy got dressed as he would every Monday morning, brushing his teeth and fixing his hair, before walking downstairs to smile at his family, backpack in hand. “I’m off.”

“Breakfast.” Phil said without looking up from laptop. 

Tommy grabbed an apple from its basket on the island. “It’s a snack for the road. I do truly have to go.”

“Why so early?” Techno asked from where he sat, eating breakfast in no rush.

“I need to talk to a friend.”

It may have been what landed me in Friday's predicament, but I wasn’t gonna quit being vague because of one mishap. 

They didn’t need to know I was leaving early to talk to you about our mia foster friend who’s last message was a ‘hey I don’t think I’m safe here’. 

Techno raised an eyebrow, but he didn’t push. It wasn’t his place as a foster brother. Phil on the other hand-

“Who and where?”

“Tubbo, and literally right outside of the school. It’s only an extra fifteen minutes, no need to act like I’m trying to dip an hour before school.”

“Tubbo’s a good kid,” Wilbur said, entering the kitchen to pour himself a cup of coffee. “You can trust him.”

I didn’y need my entire foster family knowing about my plans but I guess sometimes you cant fucking help it.

“Alright.” Phil turned back to whatever he was doing. “Then stay safe out there, mate.”

“I will.” Tommy nodded before stepping out the door.

“Remind me what code purple is and why I should be freaking out?” Tubbo asked as they walked. 

Tommy took another bite of his apple. “Code purple it's the ‘I’m not sure code’. Some houses are obviously good, some are obviously bad. Arguably the worst houses are the ones where you need to stay on your toes. When you don’t know if you’re safe. You should be freaking out because Ranboo expressed a concern for his safety and then went totally off grid. An hour away.”

“Well shit.” Tubbo mumbled.

“Yeah.”

“And when was the last time you saw him in person?” 

“Friday, we were both drunk. If he knew he was being relocated then he didn’t tell me.”

“What about Saturday, I thought you two always helped each other pack before getting relocated?”

Tommy winced. “That’s a different long story. We don’t have time to unpack it and I’ll tell you at lunch.”

“What?”

Tommy took a bite of the apple, smiling at his best friend with his mouth full. “ ‘oo much ap’l. Ca’t talk.”

“Okay, gross.” Tubbo made a face. “But you owe me a long and thurow explanation at lunch.”

Tommy swallowed. “Deal. Or you could wait two business days and just get the letter.”

“I’m not waiting two days. I can handle the repetition later.” Tubbo huffed.

“Talk.” Tubbo slammed down his lunch tray, making Tommy jump. 

“Jesus Christ, man. I was asking the discord if anyone had heard from Ranboo, don’t scare me.”

“Don’t make this conversation about Ranboo, mister.” Tubbo started. “We’re here to talk about you .”

“Well, to cut to the chase I ran away.”

“ Oh .” Tubbo froze with understanding. “That’s the- code blue right? Me and Niki helped you with that one once.”

“Yeah but I didn’t call code blue. I just panicked and ran.”

“Where did you go?”

“Dream’s”

“All that way?”

Tommy shrugged. “In my panicked mind, it sounded like safety.”

“Aww, that’s cute.”

“It’s not cute, it was a traumatizing event, thank you.” Tommy huffed, taking a chip off Tubbo’s tray. The shorter gawked but let it happen. 

“Why did you run?”

“Let’s talk more about Ranboo-”

“ Tommy .”

Tubbo had said lying was a bad idea. Tommy was not ready for the smug ‘I told you so!’ .

“Techno found me at the party, Phil got mad, I pushed too far, and angry words were exchanged.”

“Oh, you mean- sneaking out to a party was a bad idea ?”
“You don’t have to rub it in, prick!” Tommy shoved Tubbo, but any surrounding table couldn't miss their grins. “Yeah, yeah, it was a shity idea. But hey- it all works out in the end.”

“Of course it does.” Tubbo smiled. “If that family truly is the family, it’s gonna work out. If it doesn't work out then they’re not the ones.”

“I know.” Tommy pushed his cheek into the palm of his hand. “I just really want it to work this time.”

It was scary to put it into words finally. To step back and admit that he hoped this house was the house. 

But I mean, everyone else was already rooting for it to happen. 

Only time I got on board too. 

Tubbo reached across the table, rubbing Tommy’s bicep. “It will. I can feel it.”

“You’re not the first to say that.”

“Because everyone else who says it is right too.” Tubbo grinned. “But I’m also your best friend. I’ve seen you before as a foster and I’ve seen you at some of your worst homes.”

Tommy bit back a comment about Tubbo not knowing he called a code red not even two months ago. The shorter was on a motivational role and who was he to cut this endearing moment short. 

“You get so happy talking about this house. It’s in a down low way most can't pick up on, but I see it. The way your eyes light up and you stand a little straighter. The small bits of body language I can pick up on because I’ve known you your whole life. This home is good for you.”

Tommy smiled. “Thanks, Tubbo.”

I walked the young ones alone that night. 

Normally I met the group a little ways from town square, but this time I had to pick them up from the home itself. 

It felt odd as I walked up to the building, the brick walls and big brown doors that were so familiar. 

That building used to be my safe space. But as I stood there in the welcome room, waiting for the kids to come out- I felt like a stranger in a familiar past life.

Like I had outgrown the confines of the home, but it was still, deep down, home. 

Just- one of many now.

It felt strange to be back.

I didn’t wanna stick around.

For the first time ever, I felt legitimately distraught at the idea of returning. 

Chapter Text

“It’s been two days.” Tommy said. His earbuds were in as he called the foster discord, all of them trying to make sense of the way Ranboo fell off the grid. Hope was starting to diminish for the worst. “At what point are we allowed to start panicking?”

“Ideally,” Sapnap said. “We shouldn't. Panicking wont do shit to help anyone. But-”

“We’re panicking anyway.” Tommy mumbled. 

“He wouldn't leave us hanging like that.” Dream said, unmuting. There was a chorus of staticy agreements. “I’ve done some research. According to the bus routes, it’d take an hour fifteen for you guys to get to his town, and Sapnap and I like thirty minutes. There are busses every hour, standard prices. It’s longer than a car because of the stops it takes but- if something happens then it's  good to know. I’ll send the link in the general channel.”

“Thanks, Dream.” Tommy slumped back in his chair. 

Remember when I told you it’s arguably even more stressful to be the friends at the other ends of the codes? This is it. 

The not knowing what's going on, the fear of what could be going on, the silence on the other end.

It’s nerve-wracking.

Ranboo is never offline for this long.

No matter what.

“Hey, Tommy?” The boy looks to his computer school as Dream calls his name. “How long have you been on this call?”

Tommy checks the time with a wince. “Since I got home from school. ‘Bout four hours.”

He already knew what Dream would say. But he didn’t want to hear it. “Alright, log off for a bit, will ya?” Dream’s voice is soft, but it's final. “Go eat dinner, try and enjoy a Saturday night with your family. Stay off your phone and away from your laptop. Keep your ringer on if anything happens, but don't hover. Take a break okay?”

“No, what if-”

“If something happens you will be the first to be pinged.” Sapnap reassured me. “Now go eat something because I’m sure you haven’t.”

Tommy smiled sadly at the screen.

What I was to Dream, Ranboo was to Sapnap. An unofficial younger brother, taken under his wing as soon as they met each other. Ranboo might be my closest friend, but I wasn’t the only one stressing. 

“Only if you guys go eat too. Sapnap has been in the call just as long as I have.” Tommy challenged. 

Foster kids all take care of eachother, and some foster kids are the biggest hypocrites I know. 

Dream laughed on the other end. “ Both of you need a break. C’mon, get off. The two of you. We’ll keep you in the loop.”

Sapnap grumbled something that sounded suspiciously like a couple bad words and Tommy grinned.

“Bye, guys. I’ll be back in like- an hour.”

He was about to turn off his laptop when he saw a message from Tubbo, asking for updates. 

Tommy should follow Dream’s instruction, but Tubbo wasn’t in the foster discord. He wasn’t in the loop. He was probably freaking out. Tommy closed his laptop, transferring his earbuds to his phone, and dialed his bestfriends number. He could help Tubbo and still listen to Dream.

“Tommy?”

“No updates.” He said, walking downstairs and to the kitchen. Tommy was aware of his foster family in the room over watching TV or just hanging out in the living room, but he was too busy to join them. 

“None? It’s been how long since he got relocated, three days?”

Tommy hummed, rummaging through the patry before grabbing a granola bar. “And two days since the code. Nothing since.” He leaned backwards onto the counter, placing his phone down next to him to eat. 

“Fuck.” Tubbo mumbled under his breath.

“It was quiet before the purple too, the second he reached the new home he kinda just fell off. And now-”

“He’ll be okay.” Tubbo said. He sounded like he was equally trying to convince himself and Tommy.

“What if he’s not?”

“Don’t think like that.”

“How am I supposed to think? It’s been two days of dead silence.”

Before Tubbo could respond, Phil walked into the kitchen and Tommy quickly stood up, grabbing his phone. “Gotta go big man. I’ll text you if something changes.” He didn’t wait for a response from his friend before hanging up, taking his earbuds out of his ear.

“Sorry if I interrupted something, Mate.” Phil apologized, opening the fridge. “I couldn't hear what you were walking about, just muffled conversation. I wasn’t planning on interrupting you but dinner does need to be made.” He began taking ingredients out and placing them on the island. “How does homemade pizza sound?”

“Sounds good.” Tommy smiled, placing his earbuds in his pocket. He kept his phone out though, face up on the counter- just in case.

“Want to help me?” Phil asked.

“I- well I've never made pizza before.”

“Then tonight is the perfect time to learn.” Phil smiled. “C’mon, go wash your hands.”

I’m not sure if Phile lies about not listening or if the need for a distraction was written on my face. I think it was the latter, but who knows. 

Either way, I now know how to make pizza- and I went a good half hour without checking my phone. 

“Let’s eat in the living room tonight, I’m pretty sure Techno and Wilbur had a movie they wanted to put on.” Phil started as we admired the cooling pizza. 

“Alright.”

“They’re in there right now, can you go grab 'em and let them know dinner is ready?”

Tommy nodded, leaving the kitchen and crossing the hallway to the living room, where sure enough- Techno sat reading while WIlbur played on his phone. “Dinner.”

“ Finally .” Wilbur grinned. 

After everyone grabbed a plateful, they situated themselves on the sofas. Techno and Phil sat on the smaller one while Tommy and Wilbur grabbed the other.

It was very clear the living room was designed for three people. The smaller sofa isn't a one person chair, but it does look meant to hold one or two people. Depending how much space you wanted. The other sofa was one pillow longer and you could tell just from where the couches sunk in from use that two people sat on the big one while one person used the other one. 

The observation means nothing, I’m just used to picking up things like this, I guess. 

Like, I couldn’t help but feel like I had distrubed some order of the house. 

It wasn’t my choice to be here, but everywhere showed signs of a close three person family. Sometimes foster families don't even have to try and make you feel like an outcast, it just happens. 

Tommy put his plate in his lap before looking around for somewhere to put his phone. He needed it somewhere close by.

“Want me to take that?” Will asked, motioning between the phone and a coffee table next to him.

Well, close enough by.

“Yeah, thanks, man.”

“No problem.”

They ate in silence as some new movie played. Tommy never watched many movies before this home. He never had the chance. 

It’s not like I could just- go to the movies whenever I wanted. Some foster homes were strict, stay home when we tell you to- only go out for school and if we make you run errands. Besides, I never got the appeal of movie theaters, Dark loud rooms with overpriced popcorn and sticky arm rests. 

There’s only one movie I know and like. One we watched all the time when we were little that I still have good memories attached to: Up.

This wasn’t up. It was some new action movie. One of the ones with a shitty plot but with enough well known actors that hopefully nobody would notice. 

It was boring.

About halfway through, the calm around the room was shattered with a simple ding on Tommy’s phone. 

“Who is it? What was that?!” 

Wilbur raised his eyebrow at Tommy’s sudden panic and reached over to grab the phone.

“It’s a discord notif. Uh- ‘code’ channel. Ranboo pinged everyone and said ‘blue’.” Wilbur read aloud. “Nothing else. Just blue.”

Tommy felt his heart in his throat. “No, give me that, it can't be right. There has to be more than blue . I- fuckign shit.”

Code blue isn't a good code in the slightest. Ranboo ran away. The home was dangerous and he had to dip.

But there are procedures to follow with the codes, for both the caller and the responder. 

Ranboo needed to tell us where he was, where he was heading, where to look . 

He can't just- say blue and leave us in the dark.

"Woah Woah,” Wilbur held the phone over his head when Tommy tried to grab it. “What’s going on Toms?”

“I don’t know. If you would so kind as to give me my fucking phone I could figure it out.”

“What?” Wilbur let Tommy grab the device next time he reached up, quickly unlocking it and stepping away from the sofa. 

“Fucking shit, Ranboo.” He ran a hand down his face as the rest of the discord tried to figure out what to do. It was hard to stick with the plan when Ranboo gave no indication of his whereabouts. He could be in his town, this town, anywhere in between, and any town in the surrounding five mile radius.

That’s so much ground to cover.

Was Ranboo out there injured? Or just didn’t trust the house and ran the first chance he got?

There was so much at play. Too much at play.

Ranboo had gone back offline with no further help.

Dream was messaging about reaching to different foster homes around using connections and friendships he’s made through different foster families to help them look. He told everyone else to find people to help too. Tommy already had a text message typed out for Tubbo by the time the half assed procedure was made.

“Alright, I- I gotta go.” Tommy slipped his phone into his pocket, biting his lip. “I don’t know when I’ll be back. I’ll test you and keep you updated. I just-”

“Tommy, what's going on?” Phil was up the second Tommy pointed to the door.

“Nothing, it doesn't concern you guys, but I need to go, now. ”

“No way.” Phil stood in between Tommy and the door. “The sun is almost set and you’re really worked up right now, Mate. What is going on and what is a code blue?”

Tommy paused for a moment. Dream did say to get more people. But he would also have to explain the codes. 

Explaining the codes is a huge sign of trust for us. As far as I’m away, our home in the town is the only foster home to use any form of a code system. And we’re certainly the only ones to use the system Dream and Sapnap created.

Explaining what the colors meant and the plans behind them was possibly the biggest step a foster can take with their foster family.

I trusted Phil and his sons, but did I trust them enough ?

I didn’t have much of a choice that night. I was on a time crunch.

"My foster friends, we all have these codes of sorts. They're useful to let others know of our situation quickly.” Tommy started. There are words rushing to fall out of his mouth before he can think them through, but his family seemed to be following. "My close friend, Ranboo, got relocated recently, and kinda went off-grid. We've all been worried for him, and that's the first we've heard from him. He ran away and we don’t know where he is or if he’s hurt. I need to go and help search. Because the only thing worse than running away- "

"Is getting caught." Wilbur and Techno finished for Tommy in unison.

“Yeah.”

Sometimes I forget Will and Techno were foster kids once too. They get the fear, they know the ropes.

“Let us come with you,” Wilbur said suddenly.

While the help was needed, Tommy shook his head. “No way.”

“Why not?” Techno was already grabbing his coat.

“Because some of the places we hide aren't the fucking safest. We go there because nobody else will. If we go to find Ranboo, you’re not coming to trail behind me and keep me out of trouble and off private property. Your priority out there is Ranboo and only Ranboo. We split up and we spread out.”

If Dream taught me anything it was how to take control in a code situation and follow out with plans. I wasn’t out of place standing in front of a group of people and dishing out orders, but normally I’m telling younger fosters what to do. Not a foster family. Foster parents, like normal parents, held all the power, and while I knew Wilbur and Techno understood I half expected Phil to step up and say no. To try and keep me home or to change the procedure I laid out. To be mad he didn’t get to be controlling or get a say.

But it’s fucking Philza Craft. Of course he didn’t.

“Alright, mate. Tell us where to look and show us photos of what Ranboo looks like.” 

“Okay.” Tommy let out a breath or relief at Phil’s compliance before flicking through as many photos of the teen as he could find. “He’s tall and has been split dying his hair since he was thirteen, it’s not like Ranboo is easily hidden.”

“Alright. Let’s go.” Phil smiled reassuringly. 

Tommy was first out the door, followed by his brothers as Phil locked up behind them. Before closing out of discord Tommy shared Phil’s address with Ranboo as a just in case, despite him showing no signs of getting back online. 

“You three go into town,” Tommy said, pointing down the hill. “I have two more people to grab. Text me if anything happens.”

“Good luck.” Wilbur smiled, pulling Tommy into a quick hug. Techno squeezed his shoulder awkwardly which- was the best you get from Technoblade. Tommy smiled at the attempt.

“Thanks guys.”

With that, the four split up, Tommy turning on his heels and running deeping into the neighborhood. He didn’t even have to start dialling before his phone started ringing. “I’m on my way. I'm sorry it’s taking so long I got caught up with my foster family.”

“Niki and I will meet you at the end of our block. She told our parents we were going to one of her friends' houses for a movie or something.” Tubbo explained.

“And they bought that? On a random Tuesday night?”

“We’re not here to complain.” Niki’s voice was further away, but Tommy smiled at the response anyway.

“I’m almost there.” He repeated.

“So,” Niki was first to talk as Tommy ran up to them, out of breath. He didn’t have time to recoup though, since the three we’re already making their way to the center of town.

“What do we know?”

“Literally nothing.” Tommy explained. “He said blue , that’s it.”

Niki frowned, but the determination in her eyes didn't dim in the slightest. Neither she nor Tubbo knew the plans to follow behind the codes, but it wasn’t hard to grasp that blue equaled a glorified search party and shelter for the next night or day.

I know you know this, but reminded that your sister was the one to find me passed out under a tree during my own code blue. She knows what she's doing. You do too, Tubbo, but I like your sister better. 

Cookies >

You know I’m kidding.

“Dream is staying in his town at home incase Ranboo goes there, Sapnap is driving to Ranboo’s foster town right now, and if everything went right hopefully Dream should have manage to pull strings and get the fosters in the surrounding towns to keep and eye out too. But we don’t know where he is or where he’s going. He could be hurt, we don’t know anything. ” Tommy explained. 

“We’ll find him.” Tubbo said, voice filled with determination.

“We need to.” Tommy agreed.

There’s something beautiful in the tragedies that bring communities together. It’s absolutely fucked that it takes a major event to get people united, but foster kids stick with foster kids- no matter what. We passed kids that I know hated Ranboo that night, but they were just as worried. 

Because they’ve been there. And there's a form of unity and sympathy in understanding.

Niki left Tubbo and Tommy hours ago to help look with Wilbur. 

“Let's say he sent that message as he got on a bus to come here, he would have arrived three hours ago . He could be anywhere in town by now.” Tubbo said. His voice was defeated, very much matching the mood.

“But he’s not anywhere in town, we’ve checked.” Tommy mumbled. 

Ranboo wasn’t anywhere . It was like he disappeared to thin air. Sapnap and the fosters from the town where Ranboo was couldn't find him, Dream hadn't seen him either, and their entire town had been meticulously combed through. From the most dangerous spots to the public diners, nothing. 

Tubbo broke the silence as they checked through the park for the third time. “What if he isn’t okay?”

“Hey, doubt and pessimism is my job.” Tommy said, nudging his friend, but the attempt of lightheartedness fell flat. “He’s gotta be okay. We just need to find him.”

They continued looking through the park in silence. Under the trees, behind the slides, in the bushes. Why would Ranboo be in the buses? Who knows. 

But if the teen could fold himself to fit in the space, it’s a space to be checked. 

“It’s midnight.” Phil said. Him and his sons conviend in the 24/7 diner a couple hours after Niki and Tubbo went home. Tommy was restless as his father spoke, itching to get back out there and search, but it had been five hours. He knew he needed a break.

“Yeah, it is. That means Ranboo has been out in god knows what condition since seven.” Tommy sipped his water, fingers drumming on the table. “I gotta get back out there.”

“Tommy, we've only been sitting for two minutes.” Wilbur said from beside him. 

“Yeah but- Ranboo is out there, we don’t get to just sit here when we could be looking.”

Phil’s eyes were trained on Tommy carefully, like he was assessing him. “You can’t push yourself and push yourself, mate. If you want to find Ranboo you need to be at top shape.”

“If I want to find Ranboo I need to be out there .”

“Phil is right.” Techno spoke up. “You look dead on your feet Tommy. You’ve been running around for five hours.”

“You don't get it.” Tommy huffed.

“I do.” Techno countered. “I’ve seen you and Ranboo in the halls. He’s your close friend. I know you care and I know it's hard. But you need to put yourself first, kid.”

“How much did Dream pay you to say that?” Tommy crossed his arms.

“Ten dollars and tips to beat my opponent from his school next week.”

Tommy ginned. “The ‘kid’ nickname gave you away.”

“But it got a smile out of you in the end.” Techno said, sipping his water. 

“And the advice Dream had was good.” Wilbur said, pulling Tommy closer to his side. “When you get tired, you miss details. You’re not at your best functioning self. You can’t push yourself past your limits and expect it to end well.”

Tommy pulled himself away. “You don’t know where my limits are. I’m fine . Ranboo is not.”

“Mate-” Phil tried.

“No!” Tommy stepped out of the booth, backing up. “I took a break for a couple minutes, okay? I drank some water and I took a breath. I’m not giving up. My friend is out there and I don’t get the privilege of not knowing him and being able to just relax in the diner.”

“That’s not what we’re doing.” Phil tried to reassure.

“That’s what it fucking looks like.” Tommy huffed, walking away.

He could hear the three people calling his name behind him, but he ignored them as he left the diner. 

Looking back, I can see that their worries came from a good place. But in the moment I had one thought on my mind and that was finding Ranboo.

Dream is always the first to point out my ‘self destructive habit of putting others first’ but I like to call it empathy.

Tommy ignored the pain in his feet or the ache in his skull. He pushed past the way the world spun and his legs shook. 

Ranboo was out there. He needed to find him.

Fuck did his foster family know?

Ranboo was just some random kid to them.

Sure, they were eager to help five hours ago, but once it got hard they dipped. 

Unsurprising. 

Tommy bit the inside of his cheek when tears threatened to fall. He’s not sure what he thought was different about this house. Just another typical foster family, being good people on their own time and when it's convenient to them. Now Phil can stand back and talk about what a great guy he is, trying to help search for a runaway. If he’s like every other foster father Tommy has had, he’ll conveniently leave out the quitting part and accept all praise. 

Fucking typical. 

The tears are falling now and Tommy felt borderline hysterical. Ranboo had to be out there somewhere. He couldn't have disappeared into thin air. 

Tommy sat at the base of a tree next to the sidewalk, head in his knees as his body shook with tears. His foster family was right, he couldn't help Ranboo like this. He couldn't help Ranboo at all . There was too much ground to cover. The possibilities for locations were too wide. Tommy was one person in an entire group effort, but the group wasn't enough. 

Tommy pulled his legs closer to himself as tears stained the fabric covering his knees. He squeezed his eyes shut, pushing his face into his legs hard enough to see stars behind his eyes. To see something other than the dawning realization the Ranboo could very well be dead .

Ranboo was off-grid. He was in such a rush when calling the code that he couldn't drop a location or health update. 

It wasn’t looking fucking good.

Tommy felt the warmth of someone crouching down next to him, their body warm in contrast to the midnight chill. He snaps his head up at the sudden presence, but instantly sags back down again when he sees Wilbur sitting under the tree next to him. “Hey, Sunshine.”

Sunshine. That’s a new nickname. Ironic since it's the middle of the night and there is zero sunshine in this dark situation.

The words feel too hard to form between the despair and the tears but he hoped Wilbur would pick up on it.

“You’re okay, c’mere Toms.” Wilbur pulled him flush against the older side, and unlike in the diner, Tommy didn’t pull away. “Glad I left to check up on you, huh? He joked lightly, but Tommy’s face just flushed. Was this breakdown so predictable? 

“ ‘m sorry.”

Wilbur just leaned his head on Tommy’s. “You can’t pull yourself so thin Toms. C’mon.” He got up, smiling when Tommy involuntarily whined at the loss of warmth. “Let’s go get Techno and Phil and we can all look together. ”

“Okay.” Tommy mumbled, wiping his face. It felt hopeless to keep looking. The entire town square had been checked over at least twice by each person helping to look. 

Still, Wilbur gently brushed Tommy’s bangs out of his eyes with a smile full of so much optimism that Tommy couldn't bring himself to vocalize his doubts. He just sniffled. 

Tommy scrolled through his discord, looking for some hint. Something they had to have missed. Like a status update or a location in the previous messages before the blue.  Phil, Techno, and Wilbur all stood in front of him patiently. 

Then he sees it.

“Oh my god.” Tommy laughed at the sheer stupidity of the situation. 

“What?” Techno leaned over.

Tommy just shook his head in disbelief. “Text Dream, tell him it's all good and everyone can go home.”

Techno raises an eyebrow. “But Ranboo is still missing?”

Tommy just chuckled. “No, he’s not.”

“We don’t follow.” Phil said, the three of them trailing after Tommy as he began to make his way home. 

“There was one place we didn’t check that, admittedly, should have been the first,” Tommy started. “At the beginning of all this, I shared my location with Ranboo, but he wasn't online so I didn’t think of it. It was just part of the code blue precaution. Like a- hey if you need shelter and you’re near this place, c’mon in!”

“At some point, he must have connected to wifi or something though, because the only place we haven't looked in has been our neighborhood.” Techno continues as he connects the dots.

“Which means at the top of this hill, we’ll hopefully find Ranboo.” Will finish. 

“Then why are we walking so slow?” Phil asked, using his three sons to move faster and Techno dialed Dream and Tommy texted the discord. 

Tommy no longer found himself at the point of total exhaustion as he ran up the hill in front of his foster family. 

He was fueled by adrenaline and hope. 

I have had a lot of breath-holding moments in my life, Tubbo. But that night had to be one of my biggest ones. I went through all the stages of grief for my friend’s potential death in five hours. All the searching came down to the moment I stepped onto my porch if Ranboo would be there or not. 

He was. 

And he looked horrible. 

The automatic light flicked on, casting both boys in light. One panting from running, the other asleep on the front porch chair with a huge bruise on his cheek and dried blood below his nose.

“Fuck.” Tommy mumbled, kneeling in front of Ranboo. Instantly all the stress from the five hours crashed down at the sight of Ranboo right there. 

“Boo, Ranboob. C’mon wake up. I’m here now.”

Ranboo shifted in the chair, his face scrunching up before he opened his eyes, squinting under the porch light. “Tommy?”

“Hey big man.” Tommy stood in front of the taller one. “You scared all of us.”

“I’m sorry it was vague. I- I didn’t have time. I needed to get out.”

“I understand.” Tommy smilled. This time the tears in his eyes were from relief. He wrapped his arms around Ranboo as he stood up, focusing on the way he hugged back, the way the taller had to bend down at an awkward angle to hide his face in Tommy’s shoulder or the way Tommy had to get on his tippy toes to let it happen. He focused on every part of their bodies that touched as it grounded Tommy in the reality that Ranboo was okay.

Ranboo was alive.

Ranboo was here. 

Ranboo was safe. 

Ranboo was real and here and in his arms and okay. 

His bruises still looked new and forming and it would likely only get worse from here, but Ranboo was alive .

“Oh thank god.” Three sets of feet climbed the porch as Phil pulled out his keys. “Let’s get everyone inside.”

Ranboo took my bed that night. Phil spent forever cleaning up his injuries and making sure he was okay.

I meant to stay up and talk to Ranboo, truly. But I was exhausted and the adrenaline was crashing.

Tommy jolted back up as his head lulled backward again on the sofa. Wilbur walked over, sitting next to him with a smile. “You gotta get some sleep Toms, you’re exhausted.”

“No, Wilby.” His words were slurred with delirium and his tongue felt heavy, “Gotta stay up ‘n talk to Ranboo.”

“You both need sleep.” Techno said, sitting on Tommy’s other side. 

“I feel like I’m being ganged up on.”`

“You are.” Wilbur said, pulling Tommy against him. “Sleep, sunshine.”

“You like that new nickname, huh?” Tommy gazed up at him.

“Mhm,” Wilbur hummed. “Feels fitting for you.”

There's a hand in Tommy’s hair, gently detangling the curls and scraping lazy fingers against his scalp. “Stop, Techno, you’re gonna make me tired before I can talk to Ranboo.”

“You’re already tired, Tommy.”

“Yeah, but-” Techno leaned closer, his fingers resuming their action and Wilbur shifted so Tommy was resting against his chest. “Okay.” Tommy caved, letting himself go limp against his brothers. “You both suck.”

“Yeah, Toms,” Wilbur laughed, and Tommy felt it under his ear. “We’re the worst.”

I could always talk to Ranboo the next day.

Chapter Text

Tommy woke up not on his own accord, but because of the sun shining right into his eyes.

It took him, as it does most mornings, a while to realize where he was.

His bed at Phi’s didn’t get covered in the sunshine until the afternoon. Which meant Tommy either slept way too long- or he wasn’t in his bed at Phil's. 

Both options were not ideal, altho the latter was far more concerning.

Tommy pried his eyes open, groaning at the feeling of eye gunk sticking his lashes together. He pulled his arm up to wipe it away, but froze when his arm only shifted a couple of inches before getting stopped. He glanced around, more awake, before realizing his predicament.

Wilbur was next to him, lying across the couch with one leg propped up and the other hanging off. He was asleep, resting with his back against the arm and Tommy pulled against his chest. Techno, who was sitting up the night before, was now taking most of the room, slumped against Tommy as well.

I had been sandwiched.

Wilbur had one arm wrapped around Tommy, with the other pulled out to rest on Techno, effectively trapping Tommy between the two of them. 

“Guys, wake up.” Tommy grumbled. What time was it? Why were they on the sofa? Wh-

The night before came to the forefront of his mind. 

“ Guys , wake up.” Tommy was more awake this time, and the frantic tone in his voice did nothing to deter the two brothers. Wilbur didn’t stir at all and Techno just grumbled.

Tubbo- when I say I spent ten fucking minutes trying to shift myself out of there I meant it. It just made Wilbur hold on tighter and my job harder. 

“Jesus.” Tommy mumbled, sinking back into his foster brother's hold. Wilbur, the ever prick, makes a pleased hum in his sleep. 

I should have expected this from falling asleep with them. Techno never sleeps, so when he does it's a full 18 hour coma nobody can wake him from and Wilbur has trained himself to sleep through anything because of past foster homes. 

The dude had two alarm clocks and his phone alarm to get him up. 

Despite being what some may call loud and obnoxious, I am not the volume of two alarm clocks and a phone alarm. 

Tommy snapped his head up at the sound of the front door opening, watching as Phil stepped in, toeing off his shoes. 

“Phil!” Tommy grinned. “Oh thank god you’re here, you gotta help me.”

“Good afternoon, Tommy.” Phil said, his voice fond and full of amusement. “Quite the predicament you’ve gotten yourself into, huh?”

“ Yeah .” Tommy huffed. “And I need your help, Dad. C’mon-”

Phil smiled softly. “Alright. Only because I already got my photo.”

“Wait what?”

“I didn’t have the heart to wake the three of you after last night. So I took some photos and left you to relax.”

Last night.

Last night.

“Where’s Ranboo?”

Phil crossed the room. “I took him back to the home in town when he woke up. We can talk about that after we untrap you. C’mon.”

Both of my brothers just- woke up? When Phil tried? He just like, shook their shoulders and they woke up? One quick “It's time to wake up, mates.” and they’re awake?

What?

“So.” Phil took a seat across from Tommy at the dining table as Tommy finished texting Ranboo. The two of them were going to get lunch with Dream and Sapnap later and Ranboo had a lot of explaining to do. But Tommy could tell my Phil’s tone that he had his own talking right now. “I have a question, Tommy. And you don’t have to go into detail but- last night, you took charge like this whole ‘code blue’ is a routine. How often does it happen?”

Tommy shrugged. “Not all the time, but enough to know what to do and where to check. But-” He swallowed. “Code blue is an emergency code. It's ‘something bad is happening at the moment’ . It’s the I’m in danger code. It’s good we don't use it a lot. We have other codes that we use more often, that are there to prevent a major code. But there are well-thought-out plans for any of them. Even ones never used before. Just in case, yknow?”

Phil nodded solemnly. Tommy found it endearing in a way. To have a foster father truly care so much. 

“Can you tell me any other codes? You don’t have to, mate, but if this is something that goes on a lot, I'd want to know at least minimal.”

Tommy nodded. “As i said there are less intense codes, about little things that aren’t as important. There are also warning codes, like when you’re not sure if things will get worse.” He paused.

The night of Ranboo’s code blue was different. I told my family about the codes in a panic . It was time sensitive and I just spilled. There was no reason for me to tell Phil everything at two pm in the dining room, but I did anyway.

“And then there’s the two worst. Blue and red. Blue, like I said last night, is when you run away. Sometimes you can be in a forgein and unfamiliar town and just not know where you are or where to go- hence the whole search party aspect. Other times you’re injured and need shelter and help. Which is why I shared my location with Ranboo last night. Code red is,” Tommy swallowed, feeling phantom injuries creep up his ribs and tighten his chest. “The worst. That’s immediate danger, no escape, life or death. It’s somebody please call the cops, here’s my address.”

“Oh,” Phil said sadly. “I- I’m almost scared to ask this. Have you ever needed to use codes blue or red?”

Phil looked so sad sitting there, I’m gonna be honest I almost lied to him. Almost.

“Once each.” Tommy whispered, gaze dropping to the table. His hands were interlocked in front of him, resting on the cold wood. He squeezed them tighter as the silence around him and Phil stretched at the admittion.

Phil made a pained noise and reached across the table, taking Tommy’s hands into his own. “I’m sorry, Mate. Nobody should ever have to go through that.”

“I know. But hey-” Tommy forced a smile. “I’ve never needed a code here. If it makes you feel better.”

“It does.” Phil smiled. 

Tommy sat next to Wilbur in the living room, taking idly. 

“So, where are you going?” The older asked, eyeing Tommy’s sneakers and overcoat. 

“I’m waiting for my brothers to pick me up, we’re gonna go down and get dinner at the diner with some friends.”

“Sounds fun.” WIlbur smiled.

Tommy’s phone rang, cutting off the conversation. Tommy picked up quickly upon seeing Dream’s number.

“I’m outside.”

“Okay, I'll be right there. Let me just say bye to my foster brother first.”

“Alright, Kid. Take your time but don’t take forever.”

Tommy slipped his phone in his pocket before getting off the sofa. Wilbur pushed himself up as well and the younger didn’t hesitate before hugging him tightly. “Tell Phil I left for me, will you?”

“Of course.” Wilbur sailed returning the hug. There was something off about it. The ebrase felt too stiff to Tommy, unlike his normal hugs with Wilbur. The ‘ you okay? ’ sat on his tongue, but Dream and Sapnap were waiting outside. 

“Bye, Wilbur.”

“Bye, Tommy.”

They pulled away, and Tommy wasted no time rushing out the door and slipping into the backseat of Dream’s car. 

“Hey, Kid. Long time no see.” Dream smiled.

“It’s been a stressful past week.” Tommy said while buckling. 

Sapnap grinned from the passenger seat. “Yeah I heard about the uncalled code blue of yours. Two blues in like four days.”

Dream tsked sadly, pulling away from the curb. “Next stop, the home. Then our destination- some good fucking food.”

Tommy leaned back in the seat happily as the setting sun outside started to blur with the houses going by. 

He could have easily walked to the diner, maybe even picked up Ranboo himself, but it was always fun to catch a ride with his brothers.

Dream pulled to a stop in front of the home, and without waiting for Ranboo to come out, Sapnap left the vehicle. Tommy and Dream sat quietly, as Ranboo stepped out from behind the door. They were gonna let Ranboo and Sapnap have their moment like Ranboo and Sapnap and done for them so many times.

“Make sure to take a picture.” Tommy reached over to nudge Dream as the muffled words of their friends drifted through the glass. Ranboo didn’t hesitate to run up to Sapnap and accept the hug and Tommy could see the stress of the night before leaving Sapnap at the embrace. 

The telling shutter clicked echoes through the car as Dream pulled out his phone and Tommy smiled 

No matter how far away the home or how bad the family, it always came back to the group home and it always came back to us four. 

“Wilbur, it's not that big of a deal.” Techno frowned. 

“No, it is and I know you’re bothered by it too, you’re just too cool to let it show.” His older brother paced the floor.

“ Too cool .” Techno echoed with a lighthearted scoff. “Yeah, I’m too cool, but it also isn’t something to get this worked up over.”

Wilbur always picked the smallest things to nitpick and get upset about, and Techno should have known this would be one of those things when Wilbur stepped into his room and broke out on a rant. 

Typically everyone went to Wilbur’s room. But hey, party in Techno’s or something. 

“At first he was like ‘yeah my brother is coming to pick me up’ and I thought it was cute that he saw some of the other fosters like family! But then he picked up the phone and called me his foster brother-”

“-Which you are.” Techno cut in.

“Yeah but after thirty days shouldn’t we have made some progress?”

“We did make progress.” Techno pointed out. “Foster is just an adjective Tommy threw in front of brother. Who says it lessened the meaning? You don’t know if Tommy meant it differently or if we’re literally his foster family .”

Wilbur crossed his arms. “I think it’s stupid.”

“I think you’re jealous.” Techno rolled his eyes. “Now go away. I was studying before this.”

Wilbur sighed, turning on his heels to leave, but he paused at the doorway. “You really think we made progress?”

“Yeah, Will. I do. We may have taken a couple steps back the night of the party but look in the grand scheme of things.”

Wilbur was quiet for a moment before grinning. “Yeah. You’re right.”

“Dream and Sapnap?” Tommy moved his fries around his plate, but didn’t touch them. Ranboo was next to him, eating them for the blonde, and Dream and Sapnap sat across from them.

“What’s up, kid?”

“How did you know your family was the family. That you wanted to be adopted by them?”

“Well,” Dream smiled. “Having that question in your head is the first step, I think.” Sapnap nodded from next to him as Dream continued. “But for me, it was just about finding where I fit. I found two foster parents that I trusted and loved and they put me first.”

Tommy nodded thoughtfully.

“Here’s a question for you.” Sapnap said. “Do you love them like you love your family?”

“I don’t have a family to draw that comparison with.”

“Sure you do, Tommy.” Dream said. “There’s more to family than shared DNA. We’re family. Ranboo is your family. The entire discord is your family. You’ve actually got a pretty big family. Do you love and trust them like that?”

I wasn’t sure. 

Yeah, I’ve gotten closer to them, but I haven’t known Wilbur, Techno, or Phil for nearly as long as I’ve known everyone else Dream listed. I don’t trust them nearly as much either.

But I did tell Phil the codes, and that's gonna mean something in the trust zone.

“I-” Tommy shrugged. “Maybe?”

“It’s not something you have to know now, Tommy.” Dream reassured. “It’s only been a month. You’ve got time.”

“But my life would be a lot easier if I knew, big man.”

I keep thinking about what Sapnap said. About loving them like I love my family. 

The thought of loving a foster family scared me. You can trust people and not love them. And sure, I trusted my foster family tons. 

But love?

I don’t know.

Should I know by now?

In my mind, this was still some foster home I had to hold out in for three months, for my friend's sake. As much as I loved the idea of them as family, did they feel the same way? Or was I just another three-month foster child?

I guess I still have two months to figure it out Tubbo, huh.

Anyways, I’m gonna stop here for now.

Love, Tommy.

Chapter Text

“Are either of you good at English?” Tommy sat at the lunch table, holding out a piece of paper for both his friends to look at. It was yet another failed test grade.

Ranboo sucked in a breath. “Yes- but in this unit, I’m not faring much better than you are.”

Tommy slumped backward. “I can't keep hiding these from Phil.”

Tubbo shook his head. “I can try and help but you know I’m not great at teaching, Tommy.”

“Yeah,” Tommy smiled. “I remember. Sixth grade was rough.”

“What happened in sixth grade?” Ranboo asked, leaning forward.

“My first year in foster care.” Tommy started. “I didn’t try at all . I was mourning n shit, y'know? Mom dies and your biggest worry isn't your next science exam. Tubbo over here tried his damn hardest but big T simply cannot teach.”

“I’d try and show him how to do the homework and just do it for him,” Tubbo said. 

“I just don’t know what I’m gonna do about this year.” Tommy frowned. “I can’t fail. One more grade like this and the teacher said she’d call home. Oh god the teacher is gonna call home-”

“Hey hey-” Tubbo reached over quickly, trying to stop Tommy from reaching the evident breakdown. “One more grade. It’s okay. We can help you. We’ll figure something out like-”

“This-” Tommy waved the test. “Was my one more grade. I’m so fucked.”

“We can work with that, too!” Ranboo spoke up. “It'd be harder but we can work with it. You know the codes, use them if something happens.”

“No you- you don't get it.” Tommy shoved the paper in his bag, not caring for crinkles. “This isn't some foster house where I’m scared they will punish me because the school called home. I’m- god it’s so stupid, I’m scared it’ll disappoint Phil.” 

Ranboo let out a breath ‘oh’ before leaning back in his chair.

We have codes on codes and a procedure for any and every situation. Sure there are the main six, one for each color of the rainbow- but there's more specific ones for odds and ends. 

The fosters are so prepared for literally anything, and we have to be. But this was out of our control.

This was me being stupid and getting attached to a foster family. This was me worrying about what Phil would think.

I mean of course, I would worry. For the first time since even before I was a foster- there was a male parental figure in my life who cared. And I knew now that it wasn’t some act to make him feel better.

It was genuine.

As you know, Tubbo. I'm a foster- but not an orphan. 

My dad was gone long before my mom died, but he wasn’t dead, just dead beat. So mom kicked him out.

The closest thing to a good father figure I’ve had in years would be your dad, before my mom died. Before both your parents change their perceptions of me.

But for the first time in six years, there’s a man I trust. One I’m not scared to come home to, trying to guess if he’ll be mad or drunk or looking for something to hit. 

For the first time in six years, there's a man that is willing to put his arm out for me. To teach me things that most wouldn't find important. Like how to make a homemade pizza.

When most foster parents made sure I knew how the washing machine turned on so I could do chores, Philza Craft was teaching me how to draw crows. An odd talent he is very good at might I add.

Phil is everything I assume a father should be. I don’t have much to go off of, but if the movies have taught me anything it's that Phil exceeds all expectations.

“I know he won't be mad. And I definitely know it won't get violent. But he’ll frown at the paper ‘n then lift his head with a small smile on his face and say ‘that’s okay, mate’-” Tommy mimicked. “And then he’ll jump into a plan of action to help me but the lil frown on his face will stay as he helps and it will be so obvious he’s disappointed and upset and doesn't want it to show and I don’t want to have to see that! I don't want Phil being upset to be my fault .”

For once, Ranboo and Tubbo had no advice to give. 

Tommy knew he couldn’t avoid going home forever. It was Friday and he spent the entire time after school at the park with other fosters and stopping at the diner for a snack with Tubbo. It wasn’t out of the ordinary, Tommy typically spent a lot of time out of the house with friends.

But it was getting dark and he knew he couldn't stay outside forever.

At the same time though, he could. He could never go back at all. 

That train of thought was quickly stopped by Dream’s speech replaying in Tommy’s ear from the last time he prematurely ran from Phil’s house.

Tommy huffed, making his way up the familiar hill. His bag felt heavier but Tommy couldn't tell if it was all his books or the fact that deep in his backpack held the reason the school would call home.

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again- I’ve been sent back from really good homes just because I ‘took too much work’. Bad grades, bad habits, bad friends- I’ve heard every excuse. 

And I haven't exactly been the angel kid in this house. 

Phil was in the living room when Tommy stepped inside, his arrival obviously anticipated. 

“Hey, mate.”

“Phil.” Tommy nodded, taking off his shoes and dropping his bag. Maybe he wouldn't bring it up. Maybe Tommy could get off free on this one and just run to his room. He didn’t try to run home and beat the call, it’s never worked in past foster homes- but maybe his teacher was bluffing about calling to begin with. 

“Come over here and sit with me.” Phil motioned to the empty spot on the sofa next to him.

Or maybe not .

Tommy obediently walked over, trying to ignore the sinking feeling in his stomach. If he behaved enough and said sorry maybe Phil wouldn't get disappointed maybe he would see it’s okay, Tommy isn’t a handful.

There were a lot of maybes.

“I got a call from your teacher today.”

“Figured.”

“Ah, so you know what this is about.”

Tommy shrugged. “Well I mean unless I’ve got multiple teachers mad at me I’m pretty sure.”

Phil laughed lightly at the comment before sitting up straighter. “Tommy, I don't care what your grades are at, as long as you're trying and you ask for help when you need it. But uh- there was something your teacher said that I found odd.”

Tommy stiffeded. “Which was?”

“Well I said I would talk to you about it, and she said that I probably should have talked to you sooner after seeing the test grades I signed.”

Tommy’s stomach sunk.

“I didn’t sign any test grades, mate.”

I fucking hate my english teacher. 

“I can explain.” Tommy said without thinking.

It was truly a horrible choice of words. Because I could not explain. What, I’m used to forging signatures because past foster homes would punish me for a grade below a 90? What, I’ve been doing this since I was 11, it's not a big deal?

“Alright, explain.” Phil said, leaning back. It wasn’t a challenge, it was a genuine chance for Tommy to reason.

“I- well, okay,” Tommy quickly scrambled to get a story out before Phil changed his mind. “In my defense- I didn;t know that whole ‘I don’t care what your grades are’ rule. Okay? I honestly didn’t think you needed more reasons to send me back and I wasn’t sure if you would be mad-”

Words were falling out of Tommy’s mouth faster than he could stop them. “And I guess it was easier to sign the papers myself than finding out.”

Phil’s face softened instantly. “Tommy, I would never kick you out and definitely not over a test grade.”

“But it’s not the test grades-” Tommy bit his cheek. “It’s the extensive list of reasons that the test grades add onto.” 

“Tommy,” Phil leaned forward, taking Tommy’s hands into his own. “There is no list, okay? I’m not sending you back because you were startled and ran, or because you may flunk a quarter in school. This just means next quarter you ask for help when you need it. And hey- Techno is very good at english.”

“So, you’re not mad about the signatures?”

Phil waved his hand. “You were scared and it was instinct. When I fostered Wilbur he did the same thing. I won't get mad at you for taking precautions you thought would keep you safe. But moving forward- please come to me, okay?”

“Moving forward.” Tommy nodded.

Phil smiled softly, pulling Tommy forward into a hug. 

“You promise you’re not mad?” The younger mumbled. 

Phil laughed, squeezing Tommy closer. “Just don’t do it again, alright?”

“Right.”

"But can we talk for a moment about how rude your teacher was for doubting my parenting skills? Like, imagine I had signed those tests and she comes for me like that?"

Tommy couldn't fight the laugh. "Oh my god we all hate her."

“Just like that? No tricks or vague threats?”

“Just like that.” Tommy confirmed, walking the younger fosters with Ranboo. 

“Holy shit. You’ve hit the father jackpot.”

“Yeah,” Tommy smiled at the ground as they walked. “Phil’s great.”

The entire group began their goodbyes to Tommy as they reached the parting point in their routes, the blond returning all hugs with a smile.

I still couldn't wrap my head around the conversation I had had with Phil just one night before.

I mean, it was totally in character of him to be understanding like that- but I kept thinking about what he said, ‘there’s no list’. 

Even if there was no physically bulleted list of the reasons I should be sent back, there had  to be something bugging Phil in the back of his head.

Never before had I so effortlessly fit in with a family without changing myself to try and fit. 

Of course there's the hopeful corner of my mind yelling at me that that's because this is the home, but it seems too good to be true, yknow?

“I’m home!” Tommy called to the empty first floor. There were various muffled greetings from through the house as he took off his shoes, making his way upstairs. 

Fun fact: Phil loves taking pictures, and the staircase walls show that. They’re heavily decorated with pictures of Wilbur and Techno all the way from when they were foster kids to recently, but that night, a new picture caught my eye. 

It was me and my brothers, during the night of the first wrestling game of Techno’s that I went to. After I said goodbye to Dream, Wilbur and I met Phil and Techno out front, where Phil took a picture of us.

Tommy paused in the middle of the staircase, taking in the new picture. It was hung right at eye level like Phil wasn’t even trying to hide it. 

He smiled, fingers trailing along the brown frame before stepping back and continuing his trek to his bedroom. 

I hadn't noticed how much I had changed, and if you did too, you never pointed it out, Tubbo. I had deep eyebags in the picture, and the bruise on my jaw was obvious. I was slouched over and even though I was in the center of the picture, Neither Wilbur nor Techno were touching me like they were scared to startle me. I’ve grown a lot in forty-six days. More than I thought I would.

Tommy pulled open his laptop, clicking over to the foster discord quickly.

Tommyinnt 4.56pm

I'm in a picture on the wall, that's gotta mean something right?

Chapter Text

“Here’s to another successful wrestling season, Techno!” Phil cheated from his spot in the driver's seat. 

"Hopefully the scouts there thought so." Techno looked out the window, but nobody could miss his grin. 

It was Sunday morning and they had just finished Techno's last meet for the season. To celebrate, Phil said he was taking his sons somewhere special for the day- a place Wilbur and Techno obviously knew well by the way they excitedly looked out the window, but Tommy wasn’t allowed to know until they arrived. 

We had been driving in the direction of Dream and Sapnap's town, but passed it a while ago. We’d been in the car for about an hour and the only town this far out is the coastal pier, right on the bay. If I had to guess, that’s where we’re going.

You remember the pier, right Tubbo? Our families used to go together all the time- before mine fell apart. I have good memories there. The arcade and the diner- the one ice cream parlor where we always got a large vanilla bean ice cream with rainbow sprinkles to share. 

Tommy watched as they drove through the beach town, familiar stores and memories bleeding together with the blur of the car. 

"Have you been to the pier before, Tommy?" Wilbur asked. 

"Yes, actually. Not in a long time though."

"Well, commit it to memory. This is our celebration location. Hopefully one day soon we'll come back to celebrate you." There was a glint of mischief in Wilbur's eye, but before Tommy could question it- Phil cleared his throat from the front seat. 

"Tommy, what did you used to do at the pier?”

“Oh, well it was always a mini-vacation when I went. My mum and Tubbo and his Mum would all rent one of the hotels and stay for three days- even though we lived quite close. It was the only real getaway Mom could afford and I loved it.”

“I’ve never heard you talk about your Mom before,” Phil commented, looking at Tommy through the mirror. 

Shit.

Was he not allowed to? 

Did he hit a nerve?

“You’re not in trouble, mate.” Phil reassured like his thoughts were written on his forehead. “Your face just lit up as you talked. I wanted to know more since it made you so happy.”

“Oh,” Tommy looked out the window. “Well it wasn’t really her that made the memories- it was really just Tubbo.” He mumbled.

“So tell me more about this Tubbo,” Phill says without missing a beat. “Between you and Wilbur I’ve heard so much about the kid, but I’ve met him maybe once.”

“Well, he’s my best friend. He has been since literally forever. He’s just always been a part of me, y’know? All these friends and foster families come and go but there’s big T, always. He’s also married to Ranboo- who you know.” Tommy grinned. “It’s an inside joke from middle school. I lost a bet and had to be a flower girl.”

“I heard about that! And I’ve seen photos.” Wilbur laughs.

Tommy grinned, looking out the window. “Yeah. You should meet him, Phil. You’d love him.”

“I’m sure.”

You came up during the car ride. Nothing much, just a name thrown in passing conversation. Phil wants to meet you.

Phil got a parking spot by the pier, and soon enough all four of them were piling out of the car to celebrate Techno for a day.

“So, Tommy,” Wilbur wrapped his arm over the younger’s shoulder as Tommy looked around. The pier had changed so much in six years, but at the same time still looked exactly the same. “You have a lot of good memories here? You look like a kid in a candy store.”

“Hey!” Tommy twists out of Wilbur’s hold with a huff. “I’m just feeling nostalgic. Besides, you look pretty excited to be here too. What’s your story with the pier.”

Wilbur ruffled his hair, walking ahead to catch up with the others. “You’ll know one day soon, Toms.”

“Wait- what the hell does that mean?!”

“Ice cream preference, Tommy?” Techno asked before going up to get orders.

They sat in the same ice cream parlor that Tommy and Tubbo hung out in all those years ago. “Vanilla bean with rainbow sprinkles.” Tommy smiled. The inside of the building had been repainted and was pinker than he remembered, but the layout was still the same. Small oceanfront shopee with 4 booths and at last thirty ice cream flavors. 

Techno made a face at the simplistic flavor choice but got up to order anyway.

“So, how has Ranboo been?” Phil asked as they waited.

“Good! He wants to come over again soon, but it's hard right now since all his paperwork is being done to officially get him back in the home.”

Phil nodded. “As long as he’s safe.”

It’s sweet how much Dad cares. He wants to know everything about me and my friends. He wants to know we’re all safe and comfortable.

I’ve noticed in my 47 days here that Phil likes to gently nudge you out of your comfort zone while still making sure he isn’t pushing. I think that’s why I opened up so fast. The constant questions and conversation were annoying at first, but I found myself telling him more about me than I told any foster parent before.

For god’s sake Tubbo he knows about the codes .

That’s gotta say something. 

Btw, the ice cream isn't nearly as good without you.

Tommy gasped through the ice cream as Wilbur took a bite of the younger’s. “ Hey !”

Wilbur hummed. “Tastes good.”

“That’s my ice cream!”

“I wanted to try it!”

“It’s vanilla Wilbur. You don’t need to take mine.”

“Vanilla bean .”

“I only share vanilla bean ice cream and rainbow sprinkles with one person and it’s not you.” Tommy huffed, pulling his ice cream closer.

“The arcade has changed so much since I was last here.” Tommy gazed around in awe. 

“Well, you did say it had been like- six years. Right?” Techno nudged Tommy forward. “C’mon let's go kick Wilbur’s ass.”

Techno definitely carried us, but it was worth it to see Will’s face. Phil was sitting a little ways off, just laughing at our antics.

It felt nice. To get out of the house for a day and just hang out. Have fun without following a schedule of what to do and where to go.

We need to go back to the pier together one day. 

It doesn't have to be to celebrate anything as my family does, but as long as we get ice cream and play on the beach I’ll be happy.

We should bring Ranboo too.

“That wasn’t fair- you two teamed against me!”

“Oh, you say that like Tommy did anything .”

“Techno!”

“What? I’m being honest!”

“Boys, behave.” Phil smiled, shaking his head. He sounded exhausted at today's antics but put up with his sons nonetheless.

“Thanks for today, by the way.” Tommy said, hugging Phil without thinking, before stepping away. Was he allowed to do that? Sure Wilbur would take a hug whenever, and Techno would complain about it but everyone knew he let it happen. But-

Phil’s hand stayed on Tommy’s shoulder, even after they pulled away, making the boy relax. 

“Oh yeah! Thanks Phil.” Techno chimed in.

“Thank you Philza!” Wilbur sang.

For the last stop, the four of them walked down the pier itself to watch the sunset. 

Tommy stood in a quiet awe as the sun went from blue to pink and then a deep purple as the sun disappeared below the water. 

The boardwalk was emptying out for the day and it was only them on the quiet pier. The only sounds were the waves crashing at the legs of the pier and the distant chatter of people.

“Phil,” Wilbur’s voice cut through the calm as he spoke softly. “You should get a photo of Tommy at the end of the pier,” He suggested. “There’s one of me and one of Techno on the wall in the staircase.”

Phil smiled. “I’ll get one when we come back next time. It’s getting a little late boys, let’s go.”

I haven’t gone on family day trips in years, even back before foster life- I’d hardly call ‘my mom and I leaving for a day to avoid my dad’ a family day trip. So I don’t have a reference point but I’d say tonight was a success. 

Tommy sat in the middle seat on the way home so he could put his feet up on the other and lean against Wilbur. Everyone was tired and the older one didn't complain, he just let Tommy fall asleep.

I haven’t spent a whole day on my feet like that in years.

But I wasn’t complaining. It was a good day.

A great day. 

Chapter Text

I was never exposed to death as a younger kid.

Directly at least.

I knew of the word, but not what it meant.

When my teacher was out for a week because his brother passed, that was death. When my dad was forced to sober up so he and mom could go to a funeral, that was death. When there was a car accident outside my house and two ambulances showed up, that was death.

I knew the word.

But it didn’t understand the implication of a final goodbye. 

The never getting closure, never seeing them again. 

I know that now, Tubbo.

But I also know death is more than a literal loss of life. Relationships can die too. 

I thought I experienced death firsthand for the first time when my mom died. 

But I knew death the moment my dad was forced out of the house- bottle in hand, never to be heard from again.

I don’t remember him well.

My brain has forced me to forget. 

But he taught me many things.

The main thing being the death of love.

“What if I never get adopted?”

Lunch was, for the most part, quiet until Tommy spoke up. The room itself was loud, with everyone holding their own conversations at each circular table- but Tommy, Tubbo, and Ranboo were quiet. Until now.

Ranboo tilts his head sadly and Tubbo scoots around the lunch table to sit next to Tommy, wrapping his arm around the blond’s back and pressing them together. “They will.” He pauses. “They have to.”

“They don’t have to .” Ranboo points out. “But if Phil doesn't I’m losing all hope in this foster system.”

“You two are so dramatic.” Tubbo grins. “Everything will be fine.”

“Everything will be fine .” Tommy mimicked. “Not Mr. Biological-family trying to have a say.” He teased lightly, earning a smack in the shoulder from Tubbo. “Ow!”

It’s day 48 as I write this, and I’m still thinking about lunch. Ranboo is right, they don't have to adopt me, but I really hope they do. In the beginning, the 90-day cap off felt like a goal to reach. Like- oh if I stay this long it will be fine and I can go back to my twin bed with Ranboo, living off school lunches and seeing you at walks.

But now 90 days doesn't seem like enough.

I’ve gotten a taste of the family, and I don’t want to give it up. 

Tommy looked up from his letter and around the bedroom he sat in. 

I’ve got a room. My very own room. I've never had one before, but it feels like a piece of me. 

There are photos of my brothers and I on the walls, some of them with Phil as well. I have a couple of you and I, taken by Niki with her polaroid, and an old foster picture with Ranboo. I don’t remember the year it was taken, but we looked young enough to know it’s dated. Any photo that I didn’t have room to put with the others went on my walls.

I’ve grown into the room. It no longer looks like a guest room. There is stuff on the desks, clothes in the draws, new blankets on the bed.

The only thing left unpacked was the bag that currently sat in my closet. 

My laptop was plugged in and charging, but other than that- everything was still in it. 

The sweatshirt I’ve had for years, my envelopes, my stamps, spare money- all of it.

Tommy needed to do something about the bag. He knew it. It felt like it was holding him back in a way.

Like he could go on and on about wanting to be with this family forever, but at the end of the day he had a ready to go bag packed. 

Tommy closed the notebook and pushed away from his desk before he could lose his nerve.

His bag had been packed for so long. Ever since Natalie bought him the bag it was never emptied. Always full of the necessities, always ready incase Tommy needed a quick get away. 

But now was the time. 

Tommy stepped into the hallway. Phil was at work and Techno was out with friends to celebrate the end of the wrestling season. Which left-

“Wilbur?” Tommy pushed open the door, revealing Wilbur on his bed. He had a guitar in his lap and a pencil in hand as he scribbled notes on a paper. “Oh, are you busy?”

“Not at all,” Wilbur smiled, pushing himself off the bed. “What do you need?”

“Help.”

Wilbur sat up, guitar falling from his lap. “Are you okay?”

“Wait, no-” Tommy backtracked. “I phrased that wrong. It was too serious. Just,” He waved Wilbur towards the door. “C’mere.”

He turned on his heels and wandered back to his own room, mindful of the new pair of footsteps padding behind him.

“What’s going on?” Wilbur asked as they arrived. Tommy moved to his closet and motioned for Wilbur to sit on his bed, which he did. 

“Well,” Tommy smiled, pulling his backpack out of the closet. “I need help unpacking.”

“Unpacking?

Tommy sat next to his brother, motioning to the bag in his lap.

“Oh,” A beat passes. Then two. “ Oh. ” Wilbur breaks out into a grin. “Aww Tommy!”

Tommy crossed his arms. “Nevermind. I’ll do it myself.”

“Wait no I wanna help!”

“Then don’t make it weird.”

“I’m your big brother, it’s my job.”

Big brother.

I can get used to that nickname.

“There’s not much, don’t get too excited.” Tommy explained, unzipping the bag. “You’re just here for moral support.”

Wilbur just smiled. “Let's do this.”

Wilbur sat on my bed, listening to the stories behind certain objects I had and helping me find homes for them. It wasn’t much- obviously, but he gave me a pretty box for the envelopes and stamps that can go on my desk. 

Then we got to the bottom of the bag.

“This,” Tommy pulled out a small book. “Is the most precious item I own.”

He passed it to Wilbur who turned it over in his hand. It was small and brown and the spine was cracked to the point where the fabric tore at the corners. “It’s a-” Wilbur opened the first page, his face falling into a soft smile. “It’s a photo album.”

“Yeah.”Tommy sat shoulder to shoulder next to Wilbur, taking the photobook out of his hands. “Wanna see it?”

“Of course.” Wilbur leaned in. “Phil would love to see this too.”

“Would he?”

“Yeah, have you seen our walls?” Wilbur smiled. “He loves photos. Besides,” He motioned to the small book. “This is like a piece of you. Phil would be thrilled to see it.”

Tommy smiled. “I’ll make sure to show him later.”

Later came, and I wasn’t so sure I wanted to show Phil anymore.

Wilbur could very well have been lying about Phil being interested out of pity from me getting excited first. 

Tommy stood outside the living room for at least five minutes, trying to get the nerve to show Phil. 

Even if Wilbur was telling the truth and Phil genuinely did like looking at photos (I mean the photowall wasn’t a lie), that book is a piece of me. It shows my growth from a small bio kid to where I am now. It holds my highest highs, like the pier with you, and my lowest lows.

Even if Phil liked photos, what if he didn’t like what he saw?

Now or never. Tommy bit his check, stepping into the room before he could change his mind. 

“Hey, Dad.”

Phil looked up from where he sat on the sofa reading. “What’s up, mate?”

“Well, I-” Tommy sat next to him. “I’ve got these pictures that Will thinks you'd like to see.”

“Really?” Phil placed his book to the side. “What are they pictures of?”

“Me,” He passed Phil the photobook. “Before I was a foster, I only had a few pictures. I didn’t want to lose them so Dream got me a book to put them in. And through the years I’ve filled the rest of the pages with past homes, my friends, my memories.” Tommy paused. “I uh- haven't gotten many pictures in this house. I’ve been busy. That’s a good thing.”

Phil smiled. “Alright. Walk me through the photos.”

Tommy grinned, flipping open the booklet. The first photo was of four people. Two young boys with women standing behind them, closely resembling the boys. “This is Tubbo and I at the pier, with our moms.”

Phil was quiet for a moment as he took in the photo. “Yeah I remonize the background. You were so young.” There was a softness to his voice, a tone that hadent been used on Tommy in years . Not by an adult figure at least.

“Yeah,” He whispered. “I was.”

They continued going through the pictures quietly, until one photo when Phil spoke up. “Hey, that’s Ranboo.”

Tommy grinned at the photo. “That was the first time we dyed his hair in the home. I helped him while Dream took the pictures and Sapnap stood to the side freaking out about the mess.”

”What’s this?” Phil picked up a neatly folded sticky note that was rested between the pages.

“Oh,” Tommy smiled. “Some photos have little notes in them. Most are left by Dream but if we read through them I’m sure a couple are from Sapnap or Ranboo.Tommy unfolded the small sheet of paper, revealing messy handwriting from young Dream. “You guys made a mess that night, but the monthly traditions of touching up Ranboo’s hair at twelve am began.” He read outloud. 

They went through more and more photos, reading the notes as they went along and watching photo Tommy grow up. Tommy noticed when a certain photo held a lot of bruises, Phil’s face would fall and he would get quiet. 

“This one is one of my favorites.” Tommy whispered as they flipped the page. “Either I’m taking the picture or Dream is, so we don’t have many together. But this one-”

It was candid, taken the first time a newly adopted Dream came back to visit the foster home. Tommy couldn't remember who took the picture, maybe Ranboo, but it was a little shaky and the figures were blurred from movement. Still, you could clearly tell it was Dream and Tommy embracing in the center of the frame. Their faces were blurred, but Tommy remembers it clearly. The way his cheeks hurt so much from grinning, or the tight hold of his brother as Dream leaned back, practically lifting Tommy off the ground in the motion. There were no notes or captions to go with the photo because there was enough said in the image. 

Phil and Tommy continued flipping until they reached a point he knew he didn’t want to show Phil. His code red pictures. Tommy thought they were funny as shit and a true estimate of how far he's come, but he wasn't sure if Phil would find the same humor in him flipping off the camera in hospital bed with the caption 'I lived, bitch'.

“Let’s skip these sections,” Tommy flicked through the next couple photos quickly. Thankfully there were tons of sticky notes on this page- all positive messages from Dream to get the younger through a dark time- so Phil couldn't see the photos. 

There weren’t many pictures after that section. There wasn’t much time between the code red and Phil. The last photo was from the day Tommy met his family. He remembered it distinctly. Natalie was driving in the car, and when she stopped at a red light, he pulled out his disposable camera for a selfie of the two of them.

The result was the picture in the book with Tommy’s face covering half the frame and Natalie's face covered by her hand reaching for the camera. Phil laughed softly at it. 

“That’s it.” Tommy said, motioning to the rest of the empty pages.

“Well,” Phil smiled. “We can fill those together.”

Past families, biological or not, may have taught me a lot about death and sadness- but this family has taught me so much about love and trust. 

I don’t wanna give it up.

Love, as always,

Your best friend, Tommy.

Chapter Text

Phil was happy that Tommy trusted him enough to go through the boys photo album with him. But some of the photos didn’t sit right. 

Even after Tommy went back upstairs, book in hand, Phil stayed on the sofa. 

He knew Tommy was hurt before. Hell, he saw the kid in the home when they first met. But to see a small twelve year old under those same conditions? He knew it happened, Phil wasn’t dumb. But to see young Tommy like that-

Tommy was still young. But in those photos he was younger. A child or barely a pre-teen. 

And it was Tommy. His Tommy. The kid he fosters and the one he’s grown so attached to. The Tommy Phil tried so hard to protect. 

Logically he knew there was nothing he could have done for twelve year old Tommy. And he was doing all he could now. It should have made him feel better, but it didn’t. 

Phil moved to get up, but his eye caught on a small piece of paper by his feet. A posted note that had fallen out of the book. He picked it up and turned it over in his hand, revealing neater handwriting- from later in the photobook. Maybe the couple pages that were filled with sticky notes?

That night was rough, but you’re so strong. Don’t ever forget it, kid.

Phil smiled at the note. It was good to know that, even if Tommy was yet to trust him and his other sons, the boy still had a group of people to back him up. He wasn’t totally alone. And back then, he wasn’t totally alone either.

Phil would have to give Tommy the sticky note back tomorrow. 

“Tommy, you won't have time to walk to school if you don't get your butt out of bed, mate.”

The blond groaned, lifting his head off the pillow as Phil’s voice traveled through the door. He slept through his fucking alarm again.

“Are you awake in there?” 

“Yes.” Tommy’s voice was thick with sleep and totally contradicted his being awake statement, but Phil took it as a win before walking away.

After a couple more seconds relishing in the warmth of his bed,Tommy threw his covers off and began his morning routine.

It felt weird to say I had a morning routine. Like, I was never in a foster home long enough to form one, and even at the home, I was in and out so often I never really formed a pattern there either. But I mindlessly wandered through the house this morning with my mind on autopilot from doing this so many times. As I’m writing this, it had been two weeks since I unpacked, two weeks since I showed Phil my photo album. We passed the 60-day marks three days ago, and 30 days left doesn't seem like nearly enough. 

I’ve been so busy lately too.

It took a fucking long time but it feels like I’ve finally fallen into step with this family.

I feel like a proper brother and son, not some foster kid.

In fact- I’ve been trying to forget I’m just some foster kid. 

“Wilbur, stop taking forever in the bathroom!” The only response Tommy gets as he pounds on the door is Wilbur humming. Something told the blond he won't be rushing. 

“Maybe if you got up earlier you could beat him,” Techno suggests as he walks past. “You know he likes making sure every strand of hair is perfect.”

“I have standards, don’t make fun of me!” Wilburs complaints are muffled through the wood as Tommy snickered. “I can hear you two.”

“Then you can hear me tell you to get your ass out of there.”

Never in my life did I think I, a foster kid, would feel the one bathroom struggle. 

But I’ve got a family now.

And the cons of the fact are pretty clear.

“Tommy. I feel abandoned.” Tubbo bumped shoulders with Tommy as they walked, a couple behind Ranboo and some other foster kids.”It’s been weeks since I’ve received a letter.”

“Okay, clingy. I’ve just been busy. I’m writing one now I promise.”

“Good,” Tubbo crosses his arms. “I really do like reading them. I know they’re your therapy n shit but they mean a lot to me too. I keep them all.”

“Do you really?!”

“Every last one.” Tubbo paused. “Well- no I lost a couple. They’re all shoved into two binders. I had them in folders but there are so many.”

“I didn’t know you kept them.” The smile could be heard in Tommy's face without even looking.

“Of course I do! You’re my best friend.”

I’m writing a new letter everyday from now on. 

I genuinely thought you just- glanced through them quickly in case I referenced the letter one day. 

Like, after seven-ish years maybe you got bored or something. 

Hearing that made my day, Tubbo.

“So you’ve been busy?” Tubbo backtracks. “Doing what? No offense, you've never been keen on having a hobby.”

“Nobody told me being in a family was a full time thing.” Tommy huffed.

The shorter boy laughed. “Yeah, real tough break Tommy. Getting stuck hanging out with your happy family.”

“Oh drop the sarcasm, don’t be jealous.” Tommy teased.

They walked quietly for a while and Tommy felt at ease surrounded by the quiet conversing of foster kids and the town around them. The sun was fading in and out behind clouds making the shadows disappear and reappear against the sidewalk beneath their feet. 

“You-” Tubbo pauses. “Okay this is gonna be a weird question to hear from me. But- you know how to forge signatures for like- test grades and report cards, rights? Nothing big, just school stuff?”

“Yeah, why?”

“Have you ever taught someone how? Like one of the younger foster kids?”

Tommy raised his eyebrow at his friend. “...Yeah?”

“Could you teach me?”

Tommy froze. “What? I- I mean, yeah sure but, why ?”

Tubbo lowered his head. “If my dad has to sign my grades this quarter we’re gonna have- issues .”

The blond’s stomach sunk with understanding before he frowned. The worry of extreme punishment was something he was used to seeing in foster kids. And he knew Tubbo’s dad was a bitch, but to the extent where Tubbo had to hide test grades?

“What’s the mark?”

“It’s passing. Literally a B-. But it’s no A+ and he wont like that.”

“Sure, I’ll help you. Of course.” Tommy paused. “Wait- oh my god.” He turned to tubbo grinning. “I have a bedroom now. Phil says I can have people over- you can see my bedroom! I can have you over and show you the signatures and show you my room!”

Ranboo, who had been walking ahead with the younger kids, stepped back at the sound of Tommy getting excited. “Why are you two yelling?”

“I finally get to see the room I’ve heard so much of in the letters.” Tubbo grinned.

“It’s so big,” Ranboo says. “Like- he’s got a full-size bed, a desk, and room for other shit.”

Tubbo’s eyes widened. “I’m so excited.”

Tommy stared blankly at the paper in front of him. What the hell was he supposed to write to Tubbo? The past month has been pretty uneventful. No crazy events- good or bad- just normal life. 

For the first time ever.

No new houses, no new families, no new schools.

Just a constant.

“Tommy, you should go to bed if you want to even attempt to get bathroom access tomorrow morning.” Techno’s voice echoes through the halls as he walks past

With a huff, Tommy looked at the clock. His brother was right, even if Tommy didn’t want to admit it. The letter could wait for tomorrow.

“I have friends!” Tommy called out to the house as he and Tubbo stepped inside. 

“I’m not the best at math, but that looks like one friend.” Techno commented from the sofa. “Hey there, Tubbo. Your sister is upstairs with Wilbur.”

“Where’s Phil?” Tommy asked, trying to peek down the hallway.

“I’m coming! I’m coming!” A voice called from the staircase as Phil emerged from upstairs. He gave Tommy a quick squeeze before addressing the brunette next to him. “You must be the best friend I’ve heard tons about.”

“Please don’t embarrass me.” Tommy ducked his head. 

“Nice to meet you, Phil!” Tubbo shook Phil’s hand with a shit eating grin. “I’m so glad to be a household name. Tommy calls me the clingy one but he won’t stop talking about me.”

“Oh, I know! He goes on and on.”

“Okay, that’s enough. I did not invite my friend here just to be teamed up on.” Tommy groaned, grabbing Tubbo’s hand and dragging him to the stairs- although nobody in the room missed the smile on his lips.

I’ve waited for years to have a family to show you. A home to give you a tour of. A room that we can stay in, Tubbo.

I’ve been waiting for this day for years.

“Are you ready?” Tommy stopped in front of his door, grinning as Tubbo bounced impatiently.

“I’ve been ready,” The shorter huffed, pushing past Tommy and into the room at his theatrics. “Holy shit .” Tubbo’s voice is soft as he gazes around the room in aw, Tommy shutting the door behind them. “Is that a photo of us? Tommy, I’m on your wall!” He begins moving around the room trying to take in every little thing as fast as possible. “And those are the envelopes you use for me! And- oh the green notebook!”

Tommy sat on his bed with a smile as Tubbo picked up and examined everything. This was the first time in years they had hung out somewhere that wasn't a school, a park, or a public establishment like the library or McDonalds. He was glad to let his friend explore like a little kid. 

“Your hand is shaking too much.” Tommy mumbled, looking over Tubbo's shoulder as the older sat at the desk. “If you go fast your lines will be less jagged.” 

“If I go faster it will look less accurate.” Tubbo mumbled, squinting at the lined paper coated with poorly copied signatures.

“That’s why we practice so it's smooth for the real deal.” Tommy said, placing down another sheet of paper. 

Both teens look up to the sound of knocking at Tommy’s door, where Wilbur is already opening it without waiting for a response. Niki stood over his shoulder with a grin. 

I gotta hand it to Niki. She has no clue why we can't be friends around your parents anymore- but she doesn't rat us out anyway. She helps you get the letters, she helps us when there is a code blue, and she definitely didn’t tell your parents what you were doing at my house that night.

Tommy was so caught up in the happiness of Tubbo being over he didn’t register Wilbur looking at the papers on the desk until it was too late. “Wait-”

“You guys are doing it wrong.”

“ Huh ?”

Wilbur rolled his eyes, pointing to the paper. “There’s a lot better techniques for this.”

“For what?” Niki asked, pushing off the doorway and walking over. 

“Nothing-” Tubbo said quickly, covering the paper, face flushed. 

Tommy was more confused on why Wilbur was so calm about it. No tattle taling to Phil or getting mad just- teaching them better ways?

“Relax,” Wilbur said, gently pulling Tubbo’s hand off the paper. “You’re not in trouble. Altho your technique should be a crime.”

“ Forgery is a crime.” Tommy deadpanned.

”Forgery?” Niki repeated. “Why-”

“My grades this quarter.” Tubbo explained through bright red embarrassment.

“ Wilbur, ” Niki chided once she caught on. “You cannot teach teenage boys a better method to forgery .”

“Why not?” Wilbur shrugged, taking a pencil out of Tommy’s hands and trying out the signature himself. Tommy raised his eyebrows at the effortless and almost identical sign after the third attempt. “They’ll try anyway. We can help them not get fucking caught and land themselved in more trouble.”

Niki paused, genuinely considering Wilbur’s logic. “I guess so?”

“C’mon,” Wilbur sat on Tommy’s bed and patted the spot next to him. “Join us in crime.”

“You shouldn't say that so loud with my bedroom door open,” Tommy said, crawling into the bed to look over his brother's shoulder as Tubbo moved to see as well. “Now show us your method.”

Chapter Text

Tommy picked up on the way the house worked quickly, so Wilbur wasn’t surprised when the younger walked into his room and sat on his bed like he owned the palace, without so much as a glance at Wil, who was working at his desk.

Wilbur’s room was the hangout room of the house. Not officially- like the living room or kitchen, rather the one area everyone just happened to wander to. It wasn’t even like Wilbur was always in his room. If that’s what dictated the hangout, the room of choice would be Techno’s who on the off season never left his bedroom. 

But it was Wilbur’s room. And he was no stranger to coming home to people chilling on his bed while he was gone, or having them wander in when they get bored.

“-Can I help you?” He asked, eying the blond. 

Tommy shrugged, pulling out his phone. “I was bored.”

“So you came into my room to do the same thing you’d do on your own bed?” 

“Yeah.”

That sounded about right. 

Wilbur didn’t mind though. He’d rather Tommy join him in his room than hide away and not trust the older.. Besides, Wilbur never concentrated well in silence. It’s why he was always humming, tapping his fingers to a tune, or playing music. Tommy’s soft taps on his phone that echo through the room were comforting. 

He gave it five minutes before Technoblade came in. 

Wilbur turned back to his school work, relaxing in the quiet ambiance his brother provided. They kept busy with their own activities for a couple minutes before the door opened again.

Apparently, five minutes was too generous.

“Nice of you to join us.” Tommy said without looking up.

Wilbur turned in his chair to see Techno at the door, computer in hand. “Wow, what a surprise.” He drawled with a grin on his lips.

Techno ignored both his brothers, moving into the room and sitting on Wilbur’s bed next to Tommy.

“You two do understand we have a living room, a kitchen, and a dining table, right? There are so many other places you all could be.” Wilbur commented.

“We could leave if you want .” Tommy responded, pushing himself up onto his forearms. He waited for a response from his brother, but just grinned when Wilbur turned back to his work. “Mhm, thought so.”

“You’re quite the gremlin once you warm up to people, y'know that?” Wilbur teased.

Tommy makes no further comment, he doesn't even look up from his phone as he leans into Techno’s side, still typing. 

Wilbur smiled softly. If he really wanted privacy, he'd close and lock the door, but there's a reason he often leaves his door open- even if it was just a crack. He loves sitting with his brothers and basking in the quiet moments where they just enjoyed each other's company. Sometimes even Phil came in, when he wasn’t doing something else.

Because that’s how things worked in the Craft house. The family was busy, running on totally different schedules. Phil worked late, Techno trained for wrestling literally year-round, Will went out with friends often, and Tommy formed his life around the free time of his foster friends. 

It was nice to have times where they all sat and hung out- even if no words were exchanged, no planning necessary. 

They sit in silence for a while, the occasional yawn or sigh ringing through the room before Tommy sits up. Like all things, the shared quiet time must come to an end. “Alright boys, this, as always, was fun- but the big man has places to be.”

“At seven pm on a Friday?” Techno raised his eyebrow. 

Tommy nodded. “Yes actually, I’m meeting Tubbo at the twenty-four seven diner.”

It was starting to get dark out, and even though Phil’s curfew of ‘ home by dark ’ was laxs on the weekend the diner was still in town which wasn’t the closest for a teenage boy to be walking to in the near dark. Wilbur frowned. “Why the dinner?” He paused. “I mean, Tubbo comes here sometimes and you go on walks all the time but why never Tubbo’s house?”

Tommy stiffens and Wilbur bit his lip. Fuck , he may have hit a nerve. “His parents uh- don't exactly know we're still friends."

Huh?

"What?" Techno asked, echoing exactly what was going through Wilbur's head.

Tommy shifted on his feet nervously. "Well, when I first became a foster kid I lashed out n shit. Stealing stuff, running awake, getting into fights. They didn't think I was a good influence." He dipped his head, voice lowering. "Among other things."

The vague 'among other things' didn't sit right with Wilbur, but he didn't push it. Tommy clearly didn't want to dwell on it. The explanation was vague, but Wilbur got it. He and Techno did plenty of shitty things and young, hurt, orphans. Lashing out was self-defense at the time, but looking back was quite embarrassing.

Oh the shit young Wilbur put Phil through. 

"But that was years ago- right?" Techno asked. "That doesn't seem fair for them to hold that above your head. You were scared, I’m sure."

Tommy shrugged. "It's not worth it to try and fight with them. A lot easier to just- get a milkshake at the diner at seven pm on a Friday. Speaking of-" He motioned to the door.

Wilbur got up from his chair. “It’s dark out Tom’s. I’ll drive you down, Just give me five minutes to talk with Techno and I’ll see you in the car.”

“Okay,” Tommy smiled softly. “Thanks, Wilbur.” He quickly exited the room, and Wilbur shut the door behind him- waiting for the telling click of Tommy entering his own room to get ready. 

Wilbur and Techno didn't say anything at first. Then-

"That's so fucked up."

Wilbur nodded at his brother's statement. "That sounds like Niki and Tubbo's parents for you. They want what's best for their kids, even if that means forcing their kids to cut off who they don't think is best for their kids." 

“Sounds like they’re prinks then.” Techno said.

“Yeah,” Wilbur shrugs. "Then again, Tommy and Tubbo have been best friends for how long? And we've only known Tommy for two months. I'm sure they know the ropes. Besides, Tommy seemed plenty happy to hang out at the diner. It's not our place to step in and say what's right or wrong."

Techno scowled but didn’t say anything. The highschooler never really liked letting things slide when he didn't agree, but Wilbur had a point. This was between Tommy, Tubbo, and Tubbo's parents. They didn't really have a place to step in."I still think it's stupid to hold a sixteen-year-old against their actions as an upset eleven-year-old."

“I do too.” Wilbur said. Neither of them mentioned the ‘ among other things ’ that Tommy so quickly brushed over, instead, Techno turned back to his laptop and Wilbur grabbed his keys. “I’ll be back, just don’t want the kid walking in the dark.”
“Phil will be glad to know he raised you right.”

“Yeah yeah,” Wilbur grinned, opening his door. “Be sure to tell him for me if he gets back while I’m gone.”

Chapter Text

Tommy’s feet hurt, his head hurt, and his heart hurt.

“I’m exhausted.” He mumbled, walking in step with Ranboo as they ushered the younger foster kids through town. 

The taller could only hum in agreement. 

We had watched one of the foster kids, no older than twelve, go into the convenience store for concealer. It hurt my heart, Tubbo.

Like, yes, I was doing the same thing at her age, but that doesn't mean I wanna acknowledge it still happens. These kids are so sweet. You know that, you’ve met some of them. They’re still bright and naive, and I’m actively watching them dull out. 

There’s nothing I can do.

It reminds me of the one photo I have of young Ranboo and I in my photobook. Not only were we tiny, but we were also glowing. Not literally, but we had an air of innocence about us. Our smiles reached our eyes, our posture was tall- we were kids. We acted and looked like it. 

But these kids, like us, have to grow up so fast. 

No ten-year-old should stay up at night working to memorize codes, or stressing when their friend gets sent to a house.

“Let’s sit in the park for a bit, hmm?” Ranboo suggested to the group. “It's nice out and Tommy has time before he’s got to be home.”

There's a chorus of agreement from around them and Tommy smiled. “Who can turn down the park?”

“Not these guys.” Ranboo grinned.

No matter what age the kids were. The park meant more time to spend together before everyone had to go separate ways. Tommy and Ranboo began guiding the group in the right direction, talking idly with the group as they did. 

I remember being younger, before Dream and Sapnap were adopted, when we went on walks. The age range was a lot smaller, as was the group.It was Dream, Sapnap, Ranboo, and I as well as two older kids and a younger kid depending on the day. Now, we walk with kids as young as ten and sometimes with people who aren't even fosters. (Like you.)

It's cool to see how much we’ve grown. Like- we couldn't find a family so we made our own. 

They passed the diner and Tommy grinned as he caught eyes with Techno, about to enter the building. Tommy knew he was going to go get lunch with some friends that day, but he wasn;t sure what time. He knew now. They waved to each other before going back to what each teen was doing previously, but this time with a smile. 

And yeah, some of us (hopefully) and found family, but that still doesn't mean I love the younger kids any less. Not only is the foster friend discord a safety net of sorts, but the people in it are the closest thing I’ve had to family in years. And while I hope Phil and his sons can change that, it's reassuring to know you’ve got people in your corner, y’know?

The younger kids made a beeline for the playground, while Tommy and Ranboo headed to the nearby picnic tables to watch them. Some of the older fosters that were closer to age with the duo followed them. Tommy grinned at their claims of ‘being too old for the playground’. It felt familiar. In a good way. He’s pretty sure he said the same thing to Dream once.  

“It’s a pretty afternoon.” Ranboo said, looking towards the sunset that was forming over the trees. It was still early, so the most color there was pale pinks resting atop the clouds, but it mixed in with the white fluff and blue sky.

“It is.” Tommy agreed. His eyes drifted down to the younger kids on the jungle gym as he smiled softly.  

They sat peacefully for a while, the younger kids playing tag or whatever weird game they created, while the older fosters talked about school, friends, anything to just catch up. It had to have been about an hour before Tommy’s phone rang. He winced, looking at the darkened sky. It wasn’t night yet- the sky still showed colors from the bright sunset and Phil didn’t count dusk as the dark. But if he was calling-

He looked at the ID. 

It wasn’t Phil. 

Tommy felt his shoulders sag at the realization that he was not in danger of missing a surprise curfew. Instead, it was Dream. 

“Hello?” He lifted the phone to his ear.

“Tommy!” The blond could see Ranboo glance out of the corner of his eye at the sound of Dream’s voice filtering through the phone.

“What’s up?”

“Are you still on a walk with the foster?” There's a muffled voice on the other end. “And is Ranboo there. Sapnap wants to know.”

“Uh, yes and yes?” Tommy glanced at Ranboo, who shrugged. “We’re at the park since it's nice out.”

“Great, we’ll see you in five.”

“Wait wh-” 

The line clicked dead. 

“What the hell?”

Ranboo shook his head. “We’ll find out in five I guess.”

“Five what? Minutes, hours, seconds?”

“Are Dream and Sapnap coming?” One of the younger foster kids asked from next to Tommy.

“Maybe.” Tommy grinned. 

They sat impatiently watching all entrances to the park. As promised, after five long minutes, two people approached the gates. 

“Dream!” Tommy pushed himself off the bench to meet the duo halfway, many other fosters acting similarly. 

Most of the other foster kids on the playground were too young to remember or know Dream or Sapnap, but everyone knew their legacy. They caught on pretty quickly to the oldest (who recognized the pair instantly) running towards two strangers calling out the names of Dream and Sapnap. 

“Hey guys!” Dream grinned trying to hug as many kids as possible, Sapnap doing the same. 

Some of the younger kids stay closer to Tommy and Ranboo, eyeing the two strangers they’ve only ever heard of cautiously. 

Tommy grins, wrapping his arms over the shoulders of one of them. “That’s Sapnap and Dream, they made the codes and stuff. Some of you may be in the discords with them.” 

After getting the okay from Tommy, they grinned and got closer. 

“So why are you in town?” Tommy asked, as he, Ranboo, Dream, and Sapnap sat at one of the picnic tables while the other kids played.

“We can’t come to visit our little brothers?” Sapnap asks, reaching across the table to mess with Ranboo’s dyed hair.

“Yeah but you’re forty-five minutes away.” Tommy said. 

Dream shook his head. “Don’t listen to Sapnap. While yes, we love you, we were in town to have lunch with some friends from before we were adopted. We figured we could stop by to visit you guys after!”

“That’s where Techno was too!” Tommy’s eyes widened.

“Well yeah,” Dream grinned. “We’re friends, Tommy.”

“I know , I just didn’t realize you two were part of the group Techno was meeting at the diner.” 

I always knew I was lucky to get fostered in town. But I’m even luckier to have found a family I hope to get adopted by that's also in town. 

I don't know exactly how often Dream and Sapnap get to see their friends from this town, but I do know it's not often. 

I’m lucky to have Phil for multiple reasons. One reason is less about Phil himself and more about the house he chose to live in. It’s in town. If I get adopted (which I hope will happen) I won’t have to meticulously plan dates to get to hang out with you, and only for a couple hours at a time. 

“So, Tommy,” Dream started, “Any family updates?”

Tommy smiled with a soft shrug. “Not really. Just the typical.”

“Except it’s not.” Sapnap said. “At all. The typical would be just another foster home. This is the home.”

“I- uh, yeah- but,” Tommy dropped his gaze to the table. “But you don’t know that.”

“Sure we do.” Dream reassured.  “You’ve improved a lot in this house. They’re good for you.”

“Yeah.” Tommy smiled softly. “They are. But that doesn't make it the home.”

“Of course it does.” Sapnap starts. “You two are gonna be the next us.Tommy gets adopted first, Ranboo quickly follows. You’re also like the older brother to these kids. History repeats itself.”

“We’re not their older brother figures.” Tommy crossed his arms.

Dream is my older figure. He’s my idol in a way. I never had a healthy family to base off of, besides yours, Tubbo. But that's different. Dream was an example of a successful foster. He was adopted. He was happy. I aimed (and still do) to be like him. That’s a lot of pressure to be another kid's Dream. 

“Sure you are,” Dream says. “They trust you. They look up to you.” He looked to Ranboo. “Both of you. You two care for them. You stay active on the discord, you make sure they see the town every day, you keep them safe. It’s a shit ton of pressure- trust me we know.” Dream and Sapnap shared a smile. “But it's simply the facts, older brothers Tommy and Ranboo.”

Tommy looked back at the kids on the playground. “I guess there could be worse kids to watch over.”

“Yeah- nuances like you.” Dream teased.

“Hey!”

Techno greeted his brother from his spot in the living room as Tommy came home.

“I heard you had lunch with Sapnap and Dream today.” Tommy grinned, flopping next to him on the sofa. 

“I did.” Techno nodded. “And they stopped with you after. Have fun?”

“I always do.”

Techno smiled. He was glad Tommy had a group of people he trusted and a support system that worked. The young blond reminded Techno a lot of himself as a foster. The difference was Techno had been alone. Scared, with no one to turn to. When he ran from the house, he was on his own. When he got beat up a little more than normal he had to patch himself up. Tommy’s hesitance to the new home and fear of what could go wrong was familiar to Techno. The way Wilbur got excited and quickly tried to worm his way into Tommy’s life was like watching history repeat itself. 

Watching Tommy warm up was almost nostalgic to Techno. It was so similar to what he went through. 

Techno smiled softly as Tommy leaned closer to him while he scrolled on his phone. 

The best part of watching Tommy get fostered by Phil was watching him warm up. Seeing it happened on the outside was something Techno never got to witness when it was himself. 

And sure at the beginning he was unsure of the new foster. But it didn’t take long for Techno to spot the similarities he has with Tommy. And after that-

Techno and Tommy looked up as the front door opened. “Hello, mates.” Phil greeted, arriving home from work. He smiled at the sight of the two on the sofa, arms wrapped around each other. 

-after that Tommy was pretty quick to find a permanent spot in the family.

Chapter Text

“I feel terrible about it.” Tubbo said, breaking the soft silence he, Tommy, and Ranboo were walking in. 

“About-?” Tommy asked. 

“I was thinking, ever since I saw your room,” Tubbo continued. “When was the last time you saw mine? It’s been reorganized and changed a lot in the past six years. It’s not fair that my parents don’t let us hang out. Like- I’m so glad you’ve got your foster family and we can go there too, but Will is always at my house, and he was a foster kid once too. What’s the difference?”

“You know the difference.” Tommy mumbled.

“It’s a shitty difference.” Tubbo defends. “Not only is it shitty, but it’s also just wrong. Nobody should be blamed for something like that.” 

“Tubbo is right, Tommy.” Ranboo says.

“But I’m not-” Tommy frowns. “I’m not the general ‘nobody’. Life would be easier if I were.”

“So you’re saying you agree with my parents?”

Tommy paused. “No,” he said finally. “Not anymore at least. I used to. But I know better now.”

Tubbo relaxed. “That’s good. I got worried for a second.”

I never told Phil or his sons what happened to my mom. Because the way your parents reacted- the way they viewed me after, well, it changed my own outlook on myself for a long time. They went from my second parents to two strangers that looked at me like I was a witch during the trials. I didn’t want my new family to look at me like that too.  

I also just- typically don't stay long enough in a foster home for it to be relevant information. And now that it would be relevant info- I still kept quiet. I was scared to lose my family's love. And I know what you’re thinking as you read this letter. ‘Tommy the events of that day could have been easily avoided if you just said something’, but my fear was rational for once. 

It’s happened before, Tubbo. Your parents are the biggest example. 

Your mom used to be my second mother, my biggest supporter, and the second ICE number in my phone. 

Now I’m nothing more than a killer in her eyes. 

The three walked in step with each other quietly. There were no other fosters with them and as much as Tommy loed the younger kids, it was nice to just walk with his friends. 

Wilbur was at Tubbo’s, hanging out with Niki, and would be driving him home which meant Tommy could stay out a bit longer. 

When they reached the end of the block, Tommy got ready to text Wilbur to meet him outside. 

Pulling out his phone, he kept a hand on Tubbo’s arm to guide him. Before he could type the message, Tubbo stopped walking beside him and he could hear Ranboo suck in a breath. 

“What?” Tommy looked up. Tubbo’s eyes were trained in front of them, on his front yard-

“Fuck.” Ranboo mumbled.

-where Tubbo’s dad stood. 

Tommy frooze. 

“ Tubbo !” His dad yelled, stepping closer to the road. “What are you doing with him . Ranboo too?”

The tallest stiffened from behind Tommy. Fuck . Tubbo’s parents didn’t know Ranboo and Tommy were friends.  They definitely wouldn't have looked at Ranboo the same if they knew, and they would never look at him the same again.

“You get over here right now. We made it extremely clear you are not to be seen with that delinquent .” 

Ouch, that one had hurt.

Tubbo obediently crossed the road to his father, letting Tommy’s arm fall back to his side. They’ve gotten caught plenty of times before. It’s easier to just do as Tubbo’s parents say, lie low for a couple weeks, then go right back to normal. 

It was no danger to their friendship, just an inconvenience to their day.

Tommy walked forward too, but he kept going past Tubbo and his dad, instead stopping at the end of the driveway where Wilbur’s car sat. Ranboo trailled after Tommy but he looked hesitant to leave. “We’ll be fine, you can go.” Tommy said softly. The taller one shouldn't be here for this. He never handled yelling well and this was bound to get ugly before everyone calmed down. And the uneasiness about loud arguments was bound to be heightened so soon after his code blue.

Ranboo opened his mouth to respond, but Tubbo’s dad decided he had a couple words to say first. “And you!”

Tommy sighed, turning back to face the man. 

“How many times do I have to tell you to leave my son alone! Your welcome to this house ended years ago once you changed!”

“What’s going on out here?” 

Never in his life had Tommy been happier to hear the familiar voice of his brother as Wilbur stepped out the front door. 

“Nothing to worry about, Wilbur.” Tubbo’s father smiled sweetly. You wouldn't have known he was just yelling at a teenager with the way his face twisted into reassurance and kindness. “I’ve said my piece, it's over and done with.”

Wilbur raises his eyebrow, walking over to the car. “Tommy? Are you good?”

Before Tommy can even fucking nod , Tubbo’s dad was off again. “You know this kid?”

“Yeah?” Wilbur pulls out his keys and motions for Tommy to walk over to the passenger side door. “That’s my brother.”

Tubbo’s dad hummed. “Maybe a nice foster home will finally knock some common sense into that disobedient child.”

“Dad.” Tubbo’s voice is a warning, but Tommy isn’t paying attention to him. He stiffened as he watched Wilbur stand up a little stranger, glaring from over the car. Ranboo took a step backwards with a tense glance at the scene playing in front of him. The three teens could smell the outburst forming. 

“Excuse me?”

“Wilbur,” Tommy whispered. “C’mon man, it’s not worth it.”

“Oh? Has Thomas not told you?” Tubbo’s dad crossed the lawn, ignoring the pleas from his son to leave it be.

Tommy felt his heart sink further down which each step Mr. Underscore made. The past he tried so hard to bury and keep away from his new family- it was all coming back.

“If you’re referring to Tommy's old foster habits, trust me I know. I was there too in fact. Stealing and picking fights. But you’re not calling me a delinquent, are you?”

I love Wilbur, I do. But sometimes I wish he would just get in the car. 

“Oh ho ho, no. That’s not what I’m referencing.”

“Dad, please. There’s no point to this. Listen to Tubbo. Dinner is ready, let's all just go inside.” Now even Niki was in on it, standing by the front door. But her father was dead set on ruining Tommy’s life. His knuckles we’re  turning white from the first there in, and the scene unfolding wass blurry from the tears in Tommy’s eyes. 

I wasn’t ready to watch the family who tried so hard to love me turn away from me.

“Did he ever tell you how his mother died? How he killed her? ”

“I didn’t kill her!” Tommy can’t even recognize his own voice. Was that even him? He can’t tell. All he can see is the shocked expression on Wilbur’s face, the way Tubbo stiffens, how Ranboo jumped at the sudden shout, and the smug grin he just wants to smack off Tubbo’s father. “I didn’t kill her,” Tommy whispered again. The statement lost all force when he repeated it, his own words barely heard over the ringing in his ears. “I didn’t- I, Will-'' Tommy turned to Wilbur, but he’s not looking at the blond.

“The hell did you say?” He shoot at Mr. Underscore.

Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Tommy can’t find the words to speak anymore. He’s frozen in a silent horror, only vaguely aware of Ranboo creeping form around the car to wrap an arm around the shorter. 

“After Thomas’ father left, his mother lasted a solid two weeks alone with the boy. But- look at him-” Tubbo’s dad starts. Tommy winces when Wilbur actually does. “He’s unmanageable. Obnoxious, rude, a burden. He drove her to death. Thomas’ mother killed herself.”

“It wasn’t my fault. I didn’t- I- she didn’t,” Tommy didn’t know what to say. Tubbo has also creped over to stand by his two other friends. “There was no note. You don’t know- I didn’t-”

“Just something to keep in mind before you invite a delinquent into your household.”

That was the final fucking blow. 

You were there, you know it. 

Out of everything that could hurt, he tried to take away the only fucking good thing I had going for me. 

I can no longer tell if your dad wants what's best for you or what's worst for me.

And what was supposed to knock me down, give you dad the last word, just pissed me off. I don't know why my brain decided that was the time to fight back, but once I started I couldn't stop. 

Like, your dad just stood here on this self titled pedestal of ‘a good person’ shitting on some seventeen year olds life. And yeah, he’s done it before- but this time was more than him yelling at me. It was him actively trying to ruin my life while Wilbur stood there watching. 

“What the hell?” Tommy shouted, avoiding Wilbur’s gaze that he could feel practically digging into the side of his head. “After all these years why do you still hate me ?”

Tubbo’s dad seemed taken aback by the outburst, but his facade didn’t fade.

“Why are you going out of your way to ruin a seventeen year olds life?! Please, I want to know!” Tommy was aware his voice was loud, but he couldn't be bothered to quiet down.

Tubbo and Ranboo were still standing behind Tommy.

Niki was silent in the doorway.

Wilbur's face was blank. 

“What happened to the man I saw as a father figure when my own dad was shit? The man who took Tubbo and I out to get food when we did good on tests? The one who cared ? What happened to the fucking good person I knew? Where did he go?” Tommy’s voice cracked on the last question, all anger leaving his voice. For a split second everyone was frozen, not knowing what to say. The quiet was a harsh contrast to Tommy’s yells, but the blond could still hear his anger ring through his ears.

“Me? What about what happened to you, Tommy?” Tubbo’s dad said with a bit too much glee. “Even now, seven years later- you’re lashing out and scaring off your friends.”

“That’s not what-” Tommy took a step back. Ranboo was gone. “I- no, that wasn’t me. I-” 

“Yes, it was.” 

“Dad-” Tubbo started.

“That was all you, Tommy. Driving people alway. Old habits die hard.”

Speaking of old habits- I have a horrible habit of running away when things get scary or hard, but that time I had a legintinit reason to, okay?

Tommy felt like a cornered animal, the way everyone turned to look at him. Tubbo’s dad was fucking right. This was his fault.

“Ranboo wait !” 

He was aware of people calling his name as he ran after his friend, but Tommy didn’t care. He’d probably just lost the best family he’d even been given thanks to Mr. Underscore, but he could fix that later. Ranboo came first. 

“Listen I’m sorry for freaking you out and yelling but please slow down!”

Ranboo, who was at the very end of the block, stopped and waited for Tommy to catch up without turning around. ”I’m fine. Just all the argumenting.” He mumbled. 

Tommy frowned at the tear tracks running down the taller's face, or the way he seemed paler than normal. He did that . 

They were on a new road, out of sight from Tubbo’s house. “Look man- I’m so sorry.” 

Ranboo waved Tommy off, rubbing the tears off his face. “It wasn’t you. It was all the yelling so soon after the-”

“But it was me, I was the one yelling and-”

“ Tommy .” Ranboo smiled sadly. “It’s okay. It was the entire situation. Not just you.”

“Okay.” Tommy said softly. 

He didn’t believe Ranboo. 

Ranboo grabbed his hand, tugging him along. “C’mon.”

Tommy frowned, but he let himself get guided away. He could feel Ranboo’s racing pulse from his hands. “Do you think Tubbo’s dad was right?”

“Hm?”

“That I drive people away.”

Ranboo was facing forward as they walked, and he didn’t even bother to glance at Tommy when he answered. “No. Not at all.”

“But-”

“Tommy.”

“But it makes sense!” 

Ranboo stopped walking, finally turning to face the shorter.

“It makes sense.” Tommy repeated. “My mom, every foster family that’s been good for me, you just now -”

“You did not drive me away.” Ranboo said sternly. “The situation got me worked up. Not you.”

“I don’t believe you.”

“I know.”

They stood quietly as the situation they had gotten themselves into sank in.

“ Oh fuck .” Tommy gasped, turning at the direction they had just come from. “Wilbur.”

Ranboo was quiet.

“ Fuck ,” Tommy repeated. “I need to text Tubbo. Oh god, Wilbur probably hates me. Phil’s never gonna want me back now that they know.”

“Text Tubbo before you jump to those conclusions.” Ranboo said, wrapping an arm around Tommy as the blond pulled out his phone.

Tommyinnit 3.45pm

Tubbo is it worth going back

Does will hate me

Tubbo looked at the scene playing out before him.

“Why would you say that to a seventeen year old? Why would you say that to Tommy ?” Wilbur was no longer standing by his car. He and Niki had both left where they were to move closer to his dad.

Tubbo smiled.

Tubbo_ 3:45pm

It’s definitely worth coming back, i promise you’re fine

Tommyinnit 3:46pm

What's happening

Tubbo_ 3:46pm

You’ve got to see for yourself

Don't bring ranboo tho, lots of yelling

Tommyinnit 3:46pm

Not reassuring

Tubbo slipped his phone in his pocket. 

“Dad,” Niki had pushed a seething Wilbur back a bit, instead taking in a tone that gave Tubbo chills. And it wasn’t even directed to him. 

He knew his sister. Niki was always calm, but that didn’t make her terrifying when she wanted to be.

“What you said was incredibly out of place.”

“I said what needed to be said.”

“Dad-” Tubbo started. He watched his mom come onto the porch. She stopped at the steps, watching from afar.

It pissed Tubbo off. She wasn’t telling off her husband, but she also wasn’t supporting him either. She stood there like Tommy’s life was some free entertainment. 

“What do you get from this?” Wilbur asked, snapping Tubbo back to the argument on the front lawn. “What does trying to ruin a kid's life earn you?”

Tubbo watched his dad smile sweetly. “I was just helping. I would want a heads up before living with a killer wouldn't you?”

Wilbur opened his mouth to talk but Niki moved faster. 

Tubbo winced as the sound of a smack echoed off the front yard, and his dad flinched back at the impact.

“Don’t you dare talk about Tommy like that.” Niki seethed, hand still raised from where she slapped her father. “He is not a killer.”

“How dare you treat me like that, I am your father -”

“Fuck you.” Niki said, 

“Tommy, I can walk home on my own,” Ranboo rolled his eyes. 

Tommy didn’t pay him mind as they crossed the street, hands still interlocked. Everytime Ranboo tried to tug away Tommy just squeezed tighter. “I know you know the way back to the home perfectly fine, I just want to make sure you get there safely. You’re all worked up.” Tommy reasoned.

“I’m actually not worked up anymore, you are.” Ranboo pointed out. “If anything I should be the one walking you back to Tubbo’s.”

“Tubbo said not to take you.”

“He also said it was fine.”

“ No , he said I need to see for yourself. That could mean ‘I won't break this to you over text. Wilbur fucking hates you’.”

“Wilbur does not fucking hate you.” Ranboo said.

Tubbo for the love of god when I am freaking out over losing an amazing family, do not take that as the time to be vague over text.

“This is it.” Ranboo said. “You are going to let go of my hand and go back. I know for a fact Wilbur does not hate you. If you saw the look on his face as Tubbo’s dad talked then you would know too. Go get your brother and fix this.” He tugged his hand firmly away from Tommy’s leaving the blond panicked.

“I can’t go back. I don’t want to see everything fall apart.”

“Well, you’re not readmitting yourself back into the home, either. Go back to Tubbo’s and I will fill in everyone else. Maybe, if you shed enough tears on call, Dream will come visit.”

“You joke but he would.” Tommy smiled. “But what if-”

“Tommy. Go. ”

Wilbur knew Niki could be a fighter when she wanted to, but if he wasn’t pissed enough himself, then he probably would have been scared.

“I can’t believe after all these years, you banned Tubbo from seeing his friend over this ? Over something you and I both know is a fucking lie.”

“Are you accusing me of lying?” Mr. Underscore asked. 

“What has gotten into you?” Niki’s mother was now yelling from the front steps. “You smack your father then call him a liar?”

“He’s not exactly on a winning streak of honesty.”

Tubbo, who had been texting on his phone, moved closer to stand next to Niki and Wilbur. Whereas Niki was pissed, matching Wilbur’s emotions, Tubbo looked sad. “Why would you say that, dad?”

“I was just trying to protect my son.”

“Protect him, how?” Wilbur bit. “By scaring away his best friend? By trying to ruin Tommy’s life?”

“Maybe then the boy will learn not to talk to my son.”

“Are you kidding me?” Niki spoke up. 

Wilbur took a step back, letting Niki handle everything. He already said his piece, and he knew he could trust Niki to say a little extra. He needed to find Tommy.

Tubbo waved a small goodbye to him as he backed up, and Niki or her parents didn’t even acknowledge Wilbur’s exit.

He quickly got into his car and drove in the direction both Ranboo and Tommy had left in. Neither boy could have gotten far, but Wilbur had no clue which way they went. He briefly considered calling Phil to explain what was going on before realizing the duo probably went somewhere they knew was safe: the home.

Wilbur threw on his left blinker. 

Tommy was still arguing with Ranboo when a horn sounded from down the street behind him.

Ranboo was facing the direction of the noise, and his face broke out into a grin. “I fucking told you so.”

“Tommy!”

The blond stiffened at the familiar voice behind him, but turned around after a nudge from Ranboo. 

Wilbur was rushing out of his car, key still in the engine. Under any other circumstance, Tommy would have found humor in the way Wilbur quickly unfolded his body out of such a small car, like a clown at the circus, but he was too busy frozen. 

“Are you okay?” Wilbur asked oving closer to the two boys. “Both of you.”

Ranboo gave a small hum at being included in the question. “We’re fine. Just a bit worked up.”

Tommy still didn’t speak.

I wasn’t about to make a bad situation worse by opening my mouth.

“Take care of Tommy,” Ranboo started. “I’m going home.”

Ranboo hs a fucking habit of leaving me with my brothers when I dont want to be.

Techno at Dream’s party, Wilbur now-

I’m not saying it doesn't work out, and I know he’s doing it because he knows I’ll be okay with my brothers-

-but in the moment it never feels that way.

Wilbur waited for Ranboo to turn the block before stepping closer to Tommy, hands hovering by the younger’s shoulders, but not yet touching. “Are you okay?”

The question shouldn't have broken Tommy the way it did. It was something about the harsh contrast of being accused of murder to the soft phrasing anf care Wilbur placed into his word thatjsut snapped all the remaining anger Tommy felt.

“I’m so sorry-” He said, eyes instantly watering. “It wasn’t my fault.”

In an instant he was gathered into Wilbur’s arms, being shushed and pulled close.

“I should have told you guys about Mom. I didn’t want you to hate me. Or agree with them.”

“Toms, we would never agree with them.” Wilbur muttered, chin resting on Tommy’s head. “I promise.”

“I didn’t kill her,” Tommy said, voice muffled by Wilbur’s neck. It’s the only thing he could think to say in the moment. His mind was on a one track thought- and that’s making sure Wilbur knew he didn’t do it. “She just- didn’t say why she did it. And everyone drew conclusions. But I-”

“Tommy, I know you didn’t,” Wilbur says softly, hand carding through the blond's curls. “It was so fucked for Niki’s dad to say such a thing. Especially when it’s not his backstory to tell. But trust me,” He chuckled a bit. “I want to say Niki is handling it but that might be an understatement. Father dearest got slapped.”

Tommy pulled back, teary eyes wide. “Did she really?”

“She did.” Wilbur nodded. “And I would pay to see her do it again.”

Tommy smiled, letting Wilbur continue. “My views on you have not changed one bit from learning that. In fact, I just see you a little stronger now. Okay?” He began guiding Tommy to the car. “So whether you wanna go home and tell Phil and Techno, or you just wanna bee-line to your room and call Tubbo before he freaks- I support you, no matter what.”

“Thanks, Wilby.” He said softly. 

Chapter Text

The first thing Tommy felt when he woke up was a knee to his stomach and a slipping sensation.

“Tubbo, quit hogging the fucking bed.”

There’s no verbal response, but Tubbo does roll over, giving him more room. 

Tommy looked across the room, where his digital clock sat.

It’s almost seven am. Not crazy early, but nobody else is awake before nine in the Craft household. Tommy wasn't tired anymore, though, so he reached across to his nightstand, where the familiar notebook lay and sat up with a pen.

You are the worst fucking bed hog.

Tubbo has been staying with the Crafts for three days now, only stopping home to grab clothes for school or any other necessities. It’s not anything official, just until things cooled down at the Underscore house. Niki dropped him off about three hours after the ‘incident’ and Phil accepted the vague “I’m having family troubles” explanation. 

Maybe it was the fact that three hours prior- I walked in teary-eyed or the fact that Wilbur looked shaken up as fuck, and with context clues, it's not hard to tell something was going on- but I’m glad Phil didn’t question you. 

I don’t wanna have to talk about it.

There’s a knee in Tommy’s side again.

“Tubbo I swear to god-”

He just laughs, though it's muffled by the pillow.

“Go back to your own house before I kick you to the floor.”

“You go to the floor. I’m a guest and you’re being a very rude host.” Tubbo says, shoving Tommy to the side with his leg.

The blond gasped as the bed disappeared from underneath him, and he reached Tubbo for security.

The result was both of them on the floor.

“Tubbo!” Tommy hissed. “That was so loud .” 

“That was entirely your fault.” Tubbo laughed, rolling off the taller boy. “You’re gonna wake up for family, Tommy”

“You were the one to shove me!”

“And I’ll do it again.” Tubbo grinned, getting up and back onto the bed, without helping Tommy up. “Oh! A letter!”

“Oi- it’s not done yet dickhead. No peeking.” Tommy scrambled up to snatch the notebook, ignoring Tubbo’s pout. 

The blonde flopped on the bed next to his friend, both teens fully awake at this point.

“I don’t think I’ve ever woken up this early on a fucking Saturday.” Tubbo comments, looking out the window at the slowly rising sun.

“Literally. What are we meant to do with ourselves?”

“We can make breakfast,” Tubbo suggested. “I’m starving.”

“You call me a rude host but you're a very rude guest from eating us out of house and home.” Tommy teased, getting up and walking to the kitchen, Tubbo close in tow.  “What are you feeling in the mood for?”

Tubbo sits at the kitchen island, seriously contemplating. “Hmm- pancakes.”

Mornings like this almost felt nostalgic. Sleepovers at my house, waking up before my mom- making her breakfast and presenting it to her in bed.

50/50 shot if it was edible.

It’s safe to say we’ve improved as cooks since then, even if the fire alarm went off twice that morning. 

The fact that everyone only came down the second time is concerning. We’d be dead in a real fire I guess.

“Tommy flip the fucking pancake before-” Tubbo gets cut off by the fire alarm, again. “Oh my god, move over.” 

He steps to the side, letting Tubbo take over the mess made, as one by one the rest of the Craft family makes their way into the kitchen.

“It’s smoking.” Techno states bluntly. 

“We already opened all the windows, you’re gonna have to deal.” Tommy says as he fanned a kitchen towel under the smoke detector. 

Wilbur, still half asleep, wanders over and simply reaches up to take it out of the ceiling.

There was a beat of silence before Tubbo switched off the stovetop, turning around with a hefty stack of pancakes. "Breakfast time!"

It’s the domestic moments like this that made my heart beat faster and made me love my family all the more. 

I never had a house friends could sleepover at.

I never had a family to eat breakfast with.

But now I do. 

And I wouldn't change it for the world. 

“Did anyone else hear the huge thump that I assume was Tommy and Tubbo?” Techno asked.

“Yes,” Wilbur started between a bite of pancake. “But then I went back to bed.”

“It woke me up, but since it was followed by laughter I figured everything was okay.” Phil nodded.

“That was Tubbo’s fault.”

Tubbo gasped. “Was not! You dragged me off the bed!”

“Yeah because you pushed me !”

I'm so glad we have a home to hang out in again.

“Tubbo,” Phil started once everyone had all finished eating. His voice was serious but still gentle. “I love having you over so often, of course- but is there something going on at home that I should be worried about? If you need to stay here to be safe, by all means, stay as long as you need- but if that’s the case you need to tell me. I need to know if you’re in danger.”

Tubbo paused. “No,I’m safe n all. Last Wednesday was just- messy. I should go home soon anyway, you’re right. I think everyone involved just needed time to cool off.”

“Everyone involved?” Techno leaned forward. “Does this have to do with the state Tommy came home in? Tears and all?”

Fuck.

I’ll be honest. I almost did tell Techno and Phil about what happened. I wanted to see Techno knock your dad's teeth out. (no offense big t). But that would mean telling them about my mom.

And I’d rather take it to the grave.

“No, it’s a family thing.” Tubbo backtracked quickly. “Niki and I are mad at my Dad right now. He spoke out about a topic that wasn’t his place to discuss and intentionally said some dick things to hurt somebody we both care a lot about.”

Tommy could feel Tubbo’s hand on his knee under the table- a silent apology for what his father said. 

It’s fucked that both Tubbo and Niki have said sorry for their father’s behavior at least a dozen times since that day, but Tommy knew he’d never get an apology from the man himself. 

“Oh,” Phil says shortly. “Well, take all the time you need here. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday were a little odd to have you stay overnight since they were school days, but the door is always open. Especially now since it's the weekend. Don’t want you going home and having everything reblow up, right?”

“Right.” Tubbo smiled.

Tommy looked across the dining table to Wilbur- the only other person here who knows the full extent of Tubbo’s story. He’s glaring angrily at his pancakes, like they hurt him personally. 

“I think I’m gonna go home around lunch for a bit. If it goes well, I’ll stay- but if either of my parents tries to lecture me about being friends with you- I’m coming right back.” Tubbo says, packing away his bag from the past three days.

“Sounds like a plan, Clingy.”

Tubbo opened his mouth to object and Tommy could already hear the ‘you’re the clingy one!’ but he’s promptly cut off by the blond's phone ringing on the bed.

“Huh?” Tommy walked over, scooping up the device. “I only ever get calls from you or my family. It’s an unknown number.”

“Probably a scam,” Tubbo says, not looking up from his bag. “Don’t pick up.”

“Big man’s first scam call! I’m picking up.”

“Tommy no- ”

“Hello?”

“Is this Tommy?” 

He recognized the voice on the other end. It’s not a scam call.

“Natalie?”

Tubbo looks up from his bag, eyebrows raised. “What's your social workers want?” 

Tommy waved the boy away before repeating the question himself. “Why are you calling?” He paused “And wait- how did you get my number?”

“A little birdie told me you got a phone! I’m so proud of you Tommy. I wanted to check up on you. Are you free for lunch? On me, 24/7 diner in town?”

“I- uh, yeah. I can do that.”

“Wonderful. I can’t wait to see you.”

“What was that?” Tubbo asks as Tommy lowered the phone from his ear.

“Natalie wants to meet me for lunch?” He paused. “Probably just to check-in. It genuinely feels wrong. I haven’t seen her for so long. Normally I’m out in like three days.”

“But now you’ve found family.”

“My record was four and a half hours.”

“But you’re not counting anymore.”

You were right Tubbo. I wasn’t counting. Somewhere along the lines of day one to that day, the foster smudged away from my title. I was Phil’s son, not foster son. Wilbur’s little brother, not foster brother. I was the annoying brother that followed Techno around and watched his wrestling practice, no longer the weird foster boy. 

“I am so proud of you for holding out, Tommy.” Natalie beamed as the boy sipped his soft drink. “I know it was probably very hard, now this is just the home stretch. I’m sure your friends are very grateful for the lengths you’re willing to go to just to stick around with them.”

Wait. What?

“I don’t follow.”

Natalie tilted her head. “This foster home ends in ten days, Tommy. You did it.” 

Ten days. 

No. That can't be right. 

Oh my god.

It’s day 80.

Only ten more days.

Fuck.

I can’t say goodbye, Tubbo. Not yet.

“I-'' Tommy didn’t know what to say. And even if he had the words, he wasn’t sure how he would say them. He worked so hard to open up to this family, to let them into his heart, to care for them, and let them care for him. He couldn’t just walk away and get nothing out of it.

Tommy hadn't even realized they had reached the wire.

I got so caught up in a fictional reality where I was part of a happy family I forgot I was just a foster. I wasn’t Phil’s son, I was a foster son . And those aren’t permanent. 

Tommy felt like a bucket of ice was dumped over his head, waking him out of the daydream.

I wasn’t part of some perfect family. The room I had in the home- the room I was so excited to show Tubbo and Ranboo, it wasn’t truly mine. The phone I was so excited to receive, it wasn’t a forever gift. The bag I unpacked was never meant to stay unpacked.

If Natalie can see the tears pricked at Tommy’s eyes, she never commented.

Natalie wasn’t blind. She wasn’t the smartest at all times, but she made up for it in how observant she could be.

Especially when it came to observing a kid she could read like a book. She had watched Tommy grow up. She had watched his personality mold through countless houses. Some homes helped carefully sculpt the mold, adding in small details and taking care in shaping the boy. Others shattered the mold completely, leaving Tommy for the next guy to clean up. 

And Natalie was forced to sit there and watch. If she could adopt every foster kid she handled and grew attached to, she would do it in an instant. And possibly start with Tommy.

Every house that went wrong for the kid physically hurt Natalie. That went for every foster, but Tommy had a knack for turning even the most positive houses into a warzone. Getting kicked out home after home time and time again.

She had to admit, passing Tommy off to Phil was a last ditch effort. The man had fostered and adopted before, but never in the town. He had a background in fostering reckless kids like Tommy, but that also meant Tommy could potentially be going into a house with two older foster brothers perfectly capable of hurting him.

Phil’s personality passed with such flying colors that Natalie couldn't sniff out if it was fake.

She was sick with nerves the day Tommy was dropped off with the Crafts. She was a woman of her word, and stuck by her phone for the first couple days in case Tommy needed to get picked up. But a week went by with nothing. After two weeks she got a positive update from Phil. One month and the fosters in the home began telling happy stories of Tommy, the next rumored to be adopted. She sat waiting eagerly for the request of paperwork to come, but it never did. One month turned to two, two turned to where she sat now- watching Tommy bite back tears.

The Crafts took their time in adding to the mold that was Tommy. Natalie could see it in the way his face was fuller, and less pale as well. Tommy sat straighter and his bruises were gone. 

Natalie found it hard to believe a family would put so much effort into helping a boy only for a temporary thing. She could tell Tommy felt the same.

She tsked, trying to change the subject. “So, you still write those letters to your friend?”

“Yeah,” Tommy answered softly, “All the time.”

“That’s wonderful. You and Ranboo still hang out at school? I understand it's not the same as sleeping in the same room as him every night.”

“Mhmm, we’re as close as ever.”

“It seems like you’re going amazing, Tommy. Mentally and physically. I’m so proud of you. This house seemed to have been good for you.”

The boy could only nod.

They ate the rest of lunch quietly. The mood had been deflated when Natalie broke the ten day news to Tommy, and they never quite recovered. Which was fine with Natalie. She was busy planning out her next phone call as she ate.

It just didn’t make sense. Normally by the ten days left mark, the social worker would have at least received a sign that it didn’t work out. A “heads up, make this child a bed at the home because they’re coming right back”, if you will. But with the Crafts it was radio silence. 

Tommy managed to keep his tears in the whole lunch and as he walked home. 

But the second he found himself in front of the house- not his house, his brain so graciously reminded him, he broke. 

Tubbo, such a happy-looking house never made me feel so sad.

The perfect fence, the chipping door, the green-grey paint- it was never mine, was it?

I was stupid for thinking so .

Tommy entered, head down. There was nobody on the first floor, meaning his foster family was in their rooms. He wiped his eyes as he walked up the stairs slowly. The pictures on the walls taunted him.

I was up on that wall.

I can’t believe I thought it meant something.

Tubbo wasn’t in Tommy’s room when he walked in, meaning the boy was back in good graces with his dad. 

Tommy knew it wasn’t fair to make him leave his own family again just to comfort the blond’s stupid feelings, but he wasn’t gonna go to his foster brothers about it. 

Not anymore at least. 

Wilbur’s hugs, Techno’s laugh, Phil’s reassurance- none of it was really Tommy’s. 

He flicked through his contacts through blurry vision from tears, stopping at Tubbo's name.

It only rang twice. “Tommy?”

Tommy bit his lip. “Hey, Tubbo.” He paused, but the slice spoke loud enough with the way his voice had been thick from tears. “Lunch didn’t go great. I know you just got home- but can you come over?”

“Of course. I’ll be right there.”

You’ve always been great like that. So willing to help me, no questions asked.

“Tommy?” The door cracks open as Tubbo pokes his head in. He was out of breath, and Tommy felt bad for making him run over, but the feeling was quickly overtaken by the emotions of the bigger situation. . 

He looked up at the older from his spot on the floor, knees to my chest, back to the wall. Sitting on the bed felt wrong. It wasn’t his bed. Just a borrowed one.

“I did everything right.” Tommy started. “I took Dream’s advice. I opened up, I gave them a chance. I made myself vulnerable. I got hurt but I pushed past. I fucked up, yeah , but- but I always tried to fix it after. I came back when I ran away, I showed them I love them. Why can’t I get one good thing?” Tommy’s voice was hoarse and he couldn't see Tubbo’s face through tears. “Why? I finally reached out and put all my love into one family. Why didn’t it work?”

“Oh, Tommy.” Tubbo sounds heartbroken as he steps into the room, locking the door behind him and sliding down the wall next to the blond, pulling him close.

Chapter Text

Dear Tubbo,

My last week with my foster family was treated normally. No goodbye, no last hurrah. 

I mean, I’m not sure what I expected, but total nothingness wasn’t it. 

I had never really aged out of a house before- only gotten kicked out. 

Was a going away party standard?

Or was it here one day and gone the next type of deal?

I found myself looking around the room I was staying in more and more often. It no longer looked like a spare room- it looked like mine.

But it wasn’t.

Was I expected to leave all the pictures of Wilbur, Techno, and I behind? 

Was I allowed to keep some memories? Or was I only allowed to take what I brought three months ago?

For being a foster kid for six years- I sure felt new to these ropes. 

Normally I was trying to get kicked out. I wanted the leaving part. There was no time to prepare a goodbye because the departure was sudden. But this time I truly tried to stay. 

Tommy looked at the empty backpack on the ground. The only thing in it anymore was school stuff. While it felt weird to have it unpacked, the thought of repacking made his stomach sink. 

I worked so hard to freeze my heart. That sounds dramatic. But I learned the hard way how to shut everyone out. It was basic self-preservation for me. Real far that got me. 

I think this may hurt Ranboo more than me. And that’s saying something. 

This foster home- it was equally both our escapes.

Phil wanted what was best for every kid he came across, and that meant Ranboo was allowed over whenever he needed a break from foster kid life.

In these walls- it was easy to forget you’re just a foster.

I’m a walking example.

“I totally forgot you were still being fostered,” Ranboo mumbled. “I wholly thought you were adopted by now.”

“Me too.” 

“There’s gotta be a way to extend the warranty or something.” He said as he and Tommy walked beneath the setting sun. “Like if Phil isn’t sure he wants to adopt you yet- he just keeps you for a couple more weeks.”

“Maybe.” There’s a bitter feeling in the air. Both boys knew better. Being naive and hopeful wouldn’t help them. “I really did try to be on my best behavior in this house, Ranboo,” Tommy admitted softly. “I- I only ran away once. And I came back after a day! I told them about the codes, I unpacked- I did everything right.” 

“I know you did.” Ranboo rubbed his shoulder.

“Do you think it’s because Wilbur found out about my mom?”

Ranboo frowned. “I hope not. But I don’t know anymore.”

“Neither do I.” Tommy looked at the ground, watching his shoes kick small rocks over the sidewalk. “It could be. I mean like, everything was fine before that.”

“I don’t think it’s because of your fight with Tubbo's dad," Ranboo said. "I think the argument just lined up poorly with day ninety."

"I hope."

It blindsided so many of us, Tubbo. 

Me, you, Ranboo, the entire discord -

Sometimes I think of Dream and Sapnap as these all knowing beings. Logically I know they’re not,but logic gets clouded by the awe from looking up to them. Seeing them freeze, unable to find the words to say when I told them about my lunch with Natalie was a painful reminder that they’re not all knowing. 

Their ‘aw Tommy I’m sorry’s were nice, but they did little to change the situation. It wasn’t helpful. But Dream already gave out his best advice, and it did nothing to prevent where I stood now. 

I hated telling people over vc or video chat. Sometimes, people show how they feel, rather than telling you. Like reassurance in the form of a hug or a pat on the shoulder- but you can't do any of that over a call. Only words. And that shits stressful and sad.

I felt like I was inviting people to a funeral when I called them. In a way, I was. I was announcing the death of my last shred of hope.

But you know what I mean.

Everyone was so happy to pick up the phone, to hear from me. And then I just kill the vibe with a simple: it’s been ninety days.

Tommy’s eyes water as he’s suddenly smacked with the very realization- he was writing his very last letter in this house. It was day eighty-eight out of ninety. 

Tubbo stayed over one final night that day after lunch with Natalie. Neither of them slept, they just sat on the floor, Tubbo listening to Tommy ramble about his horrible luck. 

Eight days later, nothing has changed. 

Life went on as normal.

I followed the schedule I had formed, I ate dinner with the family who was kind enough to give the broken boy a chance, and I went on walks with my fellow foster kid family.

My true family.

Because at the end of the day, it was stupid of me to think anything would come from just another foster family.

“Tommy?” Techno’s voice is on the other side of my door. “Dinner.”

“Okay,” He responded, closing the notebook. If he continued the letter tomorrow, hopefully it would be finished with enough time to mail it out before the end of day ninety. 

Before he got sent back to the home.

The thought makes his heart sink.

Tommy wandered out into the first floor, where everyone was already sitting at the dining table. He ignored the smile Wilbur gave or the way Techno pulled out his chair for him before moving to his own. 

Not real family, not real family.

Reminding himself was so hard when the Crafts acted like this. Like nothing was wrong.

“So, I know tomorrow is Monday,” Phil starts, serving himself a portion of food before passing the bowl to Tommy as he sat. “But I was wondering if you guys were down to go to the pier. The weather will be nice.”

Chapter Text

I’m not stupid, Tubbo. I can tell when something is up.

Right off the bat I knew this wouldn't be ‘just some trip to the pier’, because my foster brothers were acting so weird about it.  

"You're wearing that ?" Wilbur asked, sticking his head into Tommy’s room. 

The blond looked down at his sweatshirt. "Yeah what's wrong with it? It's gonna be windy."

"That sweater is stained, Toms."

"Okay?"

Wilbur scoffed. "Hold on."

I didn't understand why it was such a big deal. Wilbur had always made fun of my style, telling me "you live with us now, you don't need to dress homeless" but he's never activity gotten me to change. 

He appeared back in Tommy’s doorway, with one of his yellow hoodies in hand. Tommy could swear he owned four of them. "Wear this."

"I quite like my sweatshirt, thank you, Will."

"Tommy, if you're worried about the wind, this is warmer anyway. You'll thank me later."

He didn't really have an argument about that.

I could feel Wilbur and Techno’s energy the entire car ride to the pier. 

They were both texting each other. I couldn't see the messages but every time Wilbur hit send, Techno’s phone would ding.  And vice versa. 

I had called shotgun, much to Wilbur and Techno's annoyance. 

"Tommy you're the youngest, get in the back!" Techno yelled running out the door after the younger. Tommy practically dived into the seat, Techno grumbling as he slipped into the back next to Wilbur. 

"Let's not fight today, boys," Phil chided light-heartedly. "We aren't gonna ruin this nice day."

Tommy’s heart sank as he looked out the window. 

I didn't mean it yesterday when I joked about a going-away party.

Don't ruin my good memories at the pier, Phil.

Tommy didn’t pay much attention to the car ride. Phil hummed to some song on the radio and Wilbur and Techno silently converse in the back. 

There’s a bitter feeling in Tommy’s stomach as they drive through Dream and Sapnap’s town. He thought back to what Sapnap said not even three weeks ago. You two are gonna be the next us. Tommy gets adopted first, Ranboo quickly follows. You’re also like the older brother to these kids. History repeats itself. Funny how wrong he was. 

Tommy pressed his face to the cold glass of the car window as the beach town came into view. Wilbur said this was this family's ‘celebration location’. Were they celebrating getting rid of him? 

“The ice-cream shop is crowded,” Wilbur states blankly. “There’s no way we’re fitting four people in there.”

Tommy looked past him to the boardwalk parlor. Through the windows it wasn't hard to see all the tables were filled. Not to mention the line leading outside being a dead giveaway.

“Will and I will go,” Techno suggested, nudging his brother. “We’ll order and then meet you two on the pier?” The last sentence was phrased as a question, and once Phil nodded, the two older boys stepped away.

“Wait! Tommy, vanilla bean ice cream? Right?” Wilbur asks before turning around.

“Rainbow sprinkles, too.” 

Tommy felt out of place sitting next to Phil alone. He felt out of place wearing Wilbur’s sweater. He felt out of place knowing in one day he’d be gone. 

“Let’s make our way onto the pier, hmm?” Phil suggests. “I mean, we’re in no rush today, but it doesn't look that crowded right now.”

Tommy noded, allowing himself to be guided through the crowds by Phil. 

They stopped at the very end of the pier, and he’s glad he wore Wilbur's sweater. The wind was stronger out here and the waves that crashed below the wooden platform, splashing mists of water. It was chilly, but Tommy wouldn't admit it to Will in 100 years. 

“Pretty scenic place, huh?” Phil starts.

Tommy nodded, looking out into the ocean in front of them. He gripped the railing of the pier tighter as his knuckles turned white. 

I wasn’t gonna fucking cry.

As bittersweet as this was, I wasn’t gonna cry.

Phil took me out here for a nice goodbye, maybe a sorry- and I wasn’t gonna ruin it by being a baby.

Tommy could feel Phil looking at him, but he refused to turn to the older man. He kept his gaze trained on the sea surrounding them, watching the waves form and crash away.

“I’ll level with you real quick-” Phil started..

Here it fucking goes. 

“I thought I signed those damn papers months ago. I only realized I hadn't once your social worker called me.”

Wait, what ? Tommy slowly turned to Phil, who just smiled softly at the confused look on the teen’s face.

I had this whole scene played in my head.

I had mentally prepared for the heartbreak, I told myself what I was gonna say, what I was gonna do. And this is not how I pictured the conversation going.

“I wanted to wait until you were fully settled into the house before asking you- and obviously it took longer than I thought it would.” Phil laughed softly. “That’s not a bad thing though, Tommy. And once you warmed up? It happened so quickly I forgot you were officially just a foster. You made your way into all of our hearts pretty damn quickly, mate.”

Tommy was pretty sure he could figure out where the conversation was going, but he was scared to get his hopes up. Phil hasn't officially said it yet. He could just be misinterpreting.

“Do you know why we first started coming to the pier as a celebration spot?” Phil asked.

“No, I don’t.” Tommy looked back out over the water as some seagulls fly ahead. 

“This is where I asked Wilbur to adopt him, and then Techno as well. And now I have a question for you.”

Tommy’s eyes widened as he quickly looked back to Phil, whos got the softest fucking smile he’s ever seen.

“Tommy Innit, I know these three months are coming to an end, and you don’t have to say yes. But fostering you was one of my best decisions. You bring the best out of everyone in this family, and I would love nothing more than to be the father of your forever home. Techno, Wilbur, and I all care so much about you. And I feel like I’ve gotten to know you so much in the past three months, but I also know there is so much more about you to learn. And trust me, Tommy, I will be so glad to sit through every story you have to tell. I just want to see you safe and happy. And if going back to the home is what makes you happy, then just know there will always be a safe place in my home for you. Code or no codes. But if you want to stay, then I would love to adopt you. What do you say?”

I didn’t know what to say. 

I’m Big Man Tommy. I always have some remarks, some comebacks. Not this time. 

I was at a loss. 

Like- obviously it was a yes, but the words wouldn't come out of my mouth. 

Phil opened his arms as an invitation to a hug, and while Tommy’s mouth may not be working, his legs sure are.

He closed the distance between them without hesitation, wrapping his arms around Phil as tears cloud his vision. But they’re good tears this time.

Tommy can feel Phil hug him back and it’s a hold he hadn't felt in years. It’s different from the brotherly embrace of Dream, Wilbur, or Techno. It’s not the same comfort as the love from Tubbo or the understanding squeeze of Ranboo.

It’s fatherly.

It’s an embrace from before Tommy’s dad left, before the alcohol, before he killed the blond’s love. It’s from before Tubbo’s dad, the man who once stood in place for Tommy’s father, decided he hated Tommy and that the boy was nothing more than a killer.

It was a Phil hug.

And there’s nothing quite like those.

“You’re an asshole for taking your sweet time to ask.” Tommy mumbled, feeling the salty taste of tears as they fell down his face. 

Phil laughs, shaking both of them. “You’ve been my son since day one. I didn’t intentionally wait, I simply forgot it wasn't official.”

Tommy pulled away reluctantly. As much as he loved the hugs, this was a conversation he wanted to have to his dad ’s face. Besides, he’s getting adopted . There’s a lifetime ahead for hugs. “Thank you. For everything you’ve done for me.” 

Phil reaches up, to brush Tommy’s hair out of his face. “Of course, mate. You don’t ever need to thank me for the bare necessities.”

I don’t think Phil will ever realize how much more than the bare necessities he gave me. 

The necessities are a bed and three meals a day. It’s a place to shower and a sink to brush my teeth. 

Phil gave me that and so much more. He gave me my own room. He gave me a phone. He taught me little skills that weren’t necessary for life, but still fun to know. He gave me a safe environment I could relax in. He gave me love.

“There’s one more part of this adoption tradition we do,” Phil said, taking a step back from Tommy. “Y’know those pictures of Will and Techno on the walls?”

The blond fronwed. “Dad I’m all snotty and stuff. I just bawled my eyes out.”

He laughed. “That’s part of the emotion. C’mon, face this way the lighting is better.”

I’ve never been one for photos, you know that big t. 

I duck away, refuse to smile, hide my face, etc. 

But today I willingly put on the biggest grin I’ve ever had.

It's the least I could do after everything Philza Minecraft has done for me. 

“Oh! Since you’re taking a picture I assume it went well!” Wilbur’s voice carries across the pier as he and Techno rush over, ice creams in hand. 

“Of course it went well. Get in the picture.” Phil says, nodding them behind Tommy. 

Tommy felt a twinge of familiarity, similar to the night of Techno’s first wrestling meet. That picture where Wilbur and Techno are scared to touch him, and he looked ready to break the camera. 

But this was different. Tommy laughed as Techno instantly pulled him into his side, his arm thrown over the blond's shoulder. Wilbur steps closer, ruffling his hair while hugging Techno. They’re all smiling, tangled together, and a family.

As always tho, the vanilla bean ice cream with rainbow sprinkles wasn’t the same without you .

“Are you guys ready to go home?” Phil suggests once his sons have done every game in the arcade at least twice.

The sun has long since set under the sea as day eighty-nine pulls into a close. 

Not that Tommy needed to be counting anymore.

“M’ tired.” He says, nodding a confirmation to Phil’s previous question. 

“Alright then, c’mon you lot. Let’s head home.”

Home.

For real this time.

The street lights and the stars guided them back to Phil’s car, and they all piled into the spots they had before. Tommy felt a lot happier in the shotgun the second time.

I won’t lie, Tubbo. This day didn’t feel real. 

I caught myself pinching my arm multiple times- just to make sure I was awake.

But I was, and it was very real.

I felt tears in my eyes at random moments as we celebrated, Phil’s speech echoing clearly.

Tommy pulled out his phone as Phil drove, with Wilbur and Techno dozing off in the back.

He had a message to make.

He navigated to discord, opening up the code chat. 

There’s one code I never told you about. It’s rare, but the best code out there. A ‘found my forever home’ code, named after the first person to use it. I never thought I’d use it, and I had lost hope for it quite some time ago.

Yet here I sat now.

Tommyinnit 9:56pm

Code green

Chapter Text

Tommy hadn't noticed that the sun rose again until other people began shifting around the house. Phil’s voice carried through the walls first as the blond checked the time on his computer. "While yesterday was nice, it is still Tuesday, and you all still need to attend school. Wake up boys."

Tommy had never gone to bed. After the code green announcement, it was call after call for the boy. He was currently on video chat with Dream, Sapnap, and Ranboo. "Gotta go, guys. School awaits.”

“I should be getting ready too.” Ranboo nodded.

“Alright bye guys. Love you.” Dream.

Tommy yawned at the rest of the group said goodbye to each other, smiling at Sapnaps comment of never being wrong and Ranboo being next. 

Clicking off the call, he closed his laptop and leaned back in the desk chair. His desk chair. Tommy grinned as he let the title mull over in his head. It was something so small to get emotional over. Most people owned desk chairs. But it wasn’t just a desk chair. It was one he owed . Phil bought it for him and Phil is his father. Tommy was getting adopted. Finally.

“Tommy!” 

The blond looked up just in time to see a Tubbo sized blur barrel into him. 

“It finally happened!”

“Yeah!”

Tubbo pulled back, but kept his hands on Tommy’s arms, taking in the tallers bright grin. “I never doubted it would happen for a second.”

“Well- I don’t know if that’s true.” Tommy teased. “We all doubted it towards the end there.”

“But Philza Craft pulled through.”

“He did.” 

Tommy shut his locker as the pair headed to first period. Ranboo was already waiting outside the class the three shared, and Tommy let himself get pulled into the second of many hugs for the day. 

“I don’t think I’ve ever received as much second hand happiness as I did when I read your code.” Ranboo said as Tommy hugged the taller back. “I’ve been living vicariously through you since day one.”

“Well, you hear Sapnap, you’re next.” Tommy grinned as he pulled away. “Vicarious no more. It's your turn, Ranboo.”

“God I hope.” He laughed. “Tell us all about yesterday.”

Tubbo nodded. “I didn’t get a code green, just a ‘it happened, bitch’ and a picture of a bowl of ice cream.”

“Okay, so remember when I told you all about Wilbur being cryptic about the pier, and Phil shutting down my question about why it's special?”

I never thought my day 90 would be spent so happily. So content . Normally when I’m forced to hold out for a house, the last day is a relief. I thought my last day with the Crafts would be sad. But I’m getting adopted. 

I have a family.

A real one to go home to every day.

“I’m home!” Tommy announced his presence as he dropped his bag by the front door. Techno was already home since he drove and Wilbur was at Niki’s for a bit. He should be home soon, leaving everyone accounted for except Phil, who had to be around the house somewhere. 

“Dad?” Tommy called out.

“I’ll be down in a moment!” 

Ah, so he was upstairs. 

“Hey, Techno.” Tommy greeted, stepping into the kitchen where his brother was. Techno, who was texting on his phone, simply hummed a hello without looking up. 

Through the 90 days Techno was as closed off as ever. But Tommy knew now it wasn’t because he hated him, that's just the way the older rolled. The blond stepped past his brother and opened the fridge for a snack. 

Three months ago I wouldn't dare let myself just rummage for food without asking my foster parent for permission first.

But this wasn't three months ago. And Phil isn’t a foster parent.  

“Welcome home, Tommy.” Phil said, emerging from upstairs and placing a pile of papers on the counter. “Come here, there’s one more thing for you to sign then we’re done.”

Tommy quickly abandoned his hunt for food and met Phil at the table. He grinned as a paper and pen were slid to him. He can’t ignore the feeling in his stomach- the excitement of knowing after this he would have a permanent and legal spot in the family.

He quickly scanned through the contents of the document before signing. 

“That’s it?”

“Anticlimactic, right?”

“Yeah.”

Tommy’s face hurt from the smile etched into it as Phil stood up, wrapping him into another hug. 

I was officially part of the family. All the times I felt jealous of you and Niki  or wished I had what Dream and Sapnap had- that's all over. Because I have it now. I'm a walking example of a successful foster. I have brothers who want to hang out with me. I have a dad who cares. 

“Welcome to the family, Tommy,” Techno says from behind him, leaning against the door frame, an envelope in hand. He steps forward, holding out said envelope. “For you.”

Tommy took it silently. “What is it?”

He motions to the writing on the front.

Tommy Innit-Craft.

I never liked my last name. Innit. 

I didn’t feel like my name, rather some connection to my biological family. It’s why I worked so hard to sign as much as possible with just Tommy. Tests, letters, emails, etc. But Innit-Craft? It felt like mine. 

It was my past connected with my future. A future I was so excited to explore.

He ran his finger over the inking of his last name before opening the envelope. It was Techno’s handwriting, a letter.

Tommy looked back  up to Techno for confirmation that it’s truly for him. He’d never gotten a letter before. He wrote them all the time, but never exactly had a mailbox for Tubbo to write back to. 

Yet this was a letter just for him.

Techno nods, and Tommy sat at the table, letter in hand as both Techno and Phil leave to give him peace. 

Dear Tommy,

As of writing this, you’ve been with us for eleven days.

I don’t think you realize that Phil wants to adopt you yet. Which is fine, because you’ve got time to figure it out.

If all goes well, hopefully, you’re reading this letter as an official member of our family.

Will and I can’t wait for it to happen. 

I know I’m not great with the whole ‘opening up to people’ and that we aren’t too close as of now, but I can tell you’re a good kid. I can see under the aloof act you put on, and you’re a lot like I was. I can tell you’ll fit right in. 

And, god, Wilbur is so excited to have you here. By the time you’re reading this you will probably have pecied that together already, but genuinely he  had been waiting so patiently for your arrival, and now that you’re here he seems to have blacked out on how to treat a teenage boy. It is a bit funny to watch from the outside. 

I know there’s a long process ahead of us. Not every day will be easy and not every day will be hard. But every day will be worth it.

Hopefully you can learn to trust us.

The boy sitting across from me right now is hesitant. He’s scared and that’s okay. He’s allowed to be scared and with a past like his he has every right to. I want to show you that you don't have to be scared. And hopeful when you read this letter, you’re not. 

I already can’t wait for the day I get to hand you this letter.

Love your brother,

Technoblade Craft

I didn’t cry over the letter, Tubbo. 

Did. Not.

Tommy wiped his eyes before carefully revolting the letter and slipping it back into the envelope. He took one last look at the ‘Tommy Innit-Craft’ before stepping back into the kitchen where Techno stood just like before. 

“Thank you.” The blond whispered. His voice was soft and sounded as close to tears as he felt. 

Techno put down his phone with a smile, opening his arms for a hug, which Tommy gladly took.

“Of course, Tommy.”

“I’m home!” Wilbur’s voice traveled through the house. Tommy, who had been in his room to work on some homework, instantly pushed away from his desk to say hi to his brother. 

The rest of the Crafts were already in the living room by the time Tommy reached the first floor, sitting next to Wilbur on the sofa. 

“I heard Techno gave you his letter?”

“Yeah.” Tommy smiled, letting Wilbur pull him into the older’s side. 

“It made him cry.” Techno said from across the room.

“No it didn’t!” Tomm flushed.

“I’m sure it didn’t” Wilbur teased, getting up from the sofa. Tommy frowned as he tilted sideways at the lack of his brother next to him. “As a way to celebrate today, I stopped at the store on my way home. Now, full credit to Niki, this was her idea.” He lifted up a small metal box and a shovel. “What do you think we’re doing.”

Tommy just shrugged as Techno spoke up. “I don’t know what to think, all I know is you’re holding a shovel and that smile screams let's do crime .”

“Well, since Philza already approved of it, crime is off the table.”

“If Phil already said yes then it’s probably cheesy.” Tommy whined. 

“Tommy you won't die from one cheesy activity. We’re celebrating the final addition to the family, it won't kill you.”

“Then what is it?’ Tommy asked.

“We will be making,” Wilbur placed the box on the coffee table, flipping it open. “A time capsule.” 

“I feel stupid.”

Phil smiled. “Tommy, mate, you write letters everyday.”

“Yeah, but never to myself .”

“In ten years, or whenever we decide to open it, you’ll be glad.” Wilbur said, writing his own letter to his futureself. 

Tommy looked down at the short message he’d created. “I just don’t know what to say.”

“There’s no pressure. This is just for fun.” Phil reassured, slipping his own letter into the box. “Oh I should add a picture!” 

“Wait, that gives me an idea!” Tommy said, pushing his letter away. “I’ll be right back.”

His family shared a confused look as the boy raced upstairs, entering his room. 

“Fuck, where did I out it?”

The cons of unpacking my room? I don’t know where shit is anymore. The backpack is convenient, everything spread out, is not.

His eyes landed on his nightstand. “There it is.”

Tommy grabbed what he had been looking for and headed downstairs. 

“I want to add this to the box.”

“Your photobook?” Wilbur asked, taking the small box out of Tommy’s hand.

“Yeah,” He smiled. “It’s been my way to document being a foster. I don’t need to document that anymore.”

Wilbur passed the book back to Tommy with a fond grin. “Okay, Toms. Put it in the box.”

Later, when everyone finished their letters, and Techno dug a hole in the backyard, Tommy crouched around the hole next to his family. There was one person at each side of the hole, and they all lowered the box together, each holding a corner. 

“This was a good idea, Wilbur.” Phil said, as they began shoving dirt onto the box. 

“I’ll let Niki know.”