Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

As they’re riding through the tunnel, Benjen cannot think of anything else, just what Will told Ned before his execution. White Walkers. They’re back. If it’s true, everyone is in danger! He doesn’t pay attention to what Jafer Flowers, another ranger of the Night’s Watch tells him. The man rides next to him and repeats it.

Benjen gets out of his thoughts and looks at him. “What did you say?” he asks.

“Their task was following a wildling horde.” says Jafer for the third time. “Wildlings are nasty fuckers and know all the safe places here. Royce and Gared must be dead for now.”

“Yes, they certainly are.” Benjen replies. “But I don’t think the wildlings killed them.”

“If not wildlings, then who did?” Jafer asks.

“Will deserted.” the First Ranger answers “He was a good ranger, brave and fast. If they had been only wildlings, he wouldn't have escaped southward.”

“Do you believe the scary tales about the creatures live beyond the Wall?” asked the reachman.

“No.” Benjen says. “I don’t want to. But we must know what happened to Will’s companions.”

They reach the end of the tunnel and ride out to the foggy and snowy winter land beyond the Wall. The first who rides through the gate is Othor, a big and bald man with unattractive features. He drops the torch that he has held in the tunnel and looks back at the other rangers. He stops his horse for a while and waits for Benjen to ride forwards then follows him.

The seven rangers are riding northwards in the Haunted Forest. Benjen rides in front of the others and tries to behold some traces that Will and his mates have left behind. He doesn’t have success. Everything seems like no one has been there since years. Suddenly he stops.

“What happened?” Othor who rides behind him asks.

“It seems they didn’t leave any traces.” Benjen answers. “We should leave some for the ones who try to find us if we don’t return.”

“Sounds a good idea, but we will return.” Jafer Flowers says. He is about the same age as Benjen and a ranger since he was only fifteen.

Benjen gets off his horse then looks at his mates. “Let’s find some branch and make a fire.”

“Why?” asks a young ranger, not much older than Waymar Royce was.

“The night’s falling.” the First Ranger answers. “We’re staying here tonight and tomorrow we’ll ride eastwards.”

“Why eastwards?” the boy asks as he follows him.

“I don’t think they went further than the Shadow Tower.” Benjen tells him. “Hardhome, the largest wildling village is located east from here and they disappeared chasing a wildling horde. They might have come from there.”

“What if they are at the Fist of the First Men?” asks another man with black beard.

“I don’t think so.” the First Ranger says. “It’s quite far from here.”

“It’s true.” Othor agrees. “If they were ranging there, they had to stop at Craster’s Keep and Will was not the kind of man who was frightened by him.”

“Yes. Craster is a piece of shit.” Benjen says. “He’s very fortunate that Lord Commander Qorgyle needed him alive and Lord Commander Mormont does too. If they didn’t, I would already have killed him.”

“Why?” asks the youngest ranger. He’s been in the Night’s Watch only for a half year and hasn't met Craster yet.

“He names his own daughters as his wives and rapes them regularly.” the First Ranger tells him and spits in the snow. “I also have a daughter. She’s a child, only in the previous month she turned thirteen. I rather kill myself than rape her.”

“I would feel the same way if I had a daughter.” Jafer says. “But why are you sure that Gared and the cocky boy from the Vale are nearby? They could die somewhere further from here.”

“My brother executed their third companion, Will about a month ago.” Benjen says. “He deserted. The frozen corpses of the other two cannot be so far from us. We might find them tomorrow.”

“I hope you’re right about their whereabouts but I still hope the old man Gared is still alive.” a long-haired ranger says as he puts his hands over the fire. “It’s so cold here.”

“Yes, so I hope we find them soon.” an older man with a scar on his face adds as he sits closer to the fire.

“Me too,” Benjen moans and looks into the flames. They cannot calm him down. His thoughts are around only one thing. White Walkers. He doesn’t want to think about them. He shakes his head as he thinks he can rid all his gloomy thoughts off and stands up.

“It’s fucking cold here.” the youngest man says.

Benjen looks at the sky. It’s dark and snowing. The weather has gotten much colder in a short time despite the fire. He has bad feelings. When the horses start getting nervous, he knows something bad, something very bad must be happening.

“Othor, Jafer, goes back to the weirwood tree.” he commands two of his men. “It’s quite close here. Stay there at night and tomorrow go back to the Wall!”

The blond reachman and his big bald fellow get on their horses and start galloping away. Some strange voices are heard from the direction they’ve ridden. The other horses are all very nervous, one of them runs away.

“What the fuck is happening?” asks the youngest ranger.

“I don’t know but we must leave.” the oldest tells him.

“Let’s get on your horses and escape eastwards!” Benjen commands them finally. He runs to his brown stallion and wants to get on his back but the animal starts galloping back towards the Wall. Two other horses do the same. He gets on the last remaining horse, a black stallion.

He looks at his men, at least he wants but they have started to run eastwards by foot. He sees their footprints in the snow and hears their voices. He looks southwards and sees something, the figure of a tall man with long hair and bright blue eyes. He stabs one of the horses running away.

“Fuck that…” he says and kicks his horse’s side and starts galloping northwards. He knows immediately all his mates are dead as Gared and Waymar Royce. He hopes he can ride faster than those creatures can run.

Benjen knows he doesn’t have much chance to win but he’s a Stark of Winterfell and he will fight like a wolf until his last breath. His heart beats faster and faster. He looks to the left and beholds them among the trees. With one hand he takes the grip of his knife but he cannot lead his horse with only one hand. The animal trips up on the root of a tree. Benjen loses his stability and falls down on the ground. He gets up immediately and sees the black stallion running away. He knows immediately, he’ll be dead soon.

A White Walker steps out from among the trees. He holds a long white spear in his hand. Benjen takes back his knife into its scabbard and raises his sword. He’s ready to fight. The White Walker starts walking towards him and two others appear behind him. Benjen takes a step back. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath then opens his eyes again. He’s holding his sword tight and when the White Walker comes closer, he attacks.

The fight is short. The three Walkers defeat the man easily. Benjen fights heroically but a White Walker stabs him in the belly. He knows it’s the end. He falls to the ground and memories of his life flash before his eyes. His last thought is a little girl he’s never seen, his own bastard daughter who lives somewhere in the South and he hopes she’ll never have to meet these horrible, icy creatures.

Chapter Text

Benjen doesn’t know what actually happened to him and how much time passed since he was stabbed by a White Walker till this moment. As he opens his eyes, he sees only darkness but some moments later the walls of a cave he sees are coming from the darkness. He tries to sit up but he’s still too weak and cannot. He turns his head to the right and beholds someone sitting next to him. This creature is definitely not a human being but she’s presumably a female, small of stature and has green skin.

“Who are you?” he asks in a faint voice.

“I’m Leaf.” the creature answers. “I’m the leader of the Children of the Forest.”

“The Children of the Forest?” Benjen’s eyes open wide. He heard a lot of tales about these creatures when he was a child but he has never thought they still exist.

“Yes.” Leaf nods. “You should rest now to get back your strength.”

“No, I don’t think so.” the man says and tries to get up. He must lean with his hands so as not to fall back. As he looks down, he beholds immediately the two large wounds on his torso. One on his belly where the White Walker stabbed him and another on his chest. They look different: the scar he’s gotten from the Walker is blueish and the other is deep red and looks quite fresh. He looks at Leaf. “What happened to me?” he asks.

“You were dead.” the creature answers. “A White Walker stabbed you in the belly with an ice blade. It’s the blue one.”

Benjen closes his eyes for a moment. “Yes, I remember.” he says and opens his eyes. “We were ranging and those icy fuckers attacked us… but what’s the other wound?”

“You were lucky.” Leaf says. “He found you and took you here.”

“Who?”

“The Night King.”

At first, Benjen doesn’t want to believe what he has heard. It sounds so crazy! He heard stories about the Night King too, but he was the leader of the White Walkers in all of those stories. Why did the Night King save him?

“Once he was a man, a very long time ago.” Leaf continues speaking. “He lived in an era full of wars and many evil people who committed horrible crimes against us and other people and nature. He wanted to save his world and his community, so he left his home and his family to find us.”

“I’ll find it out.” Benjen interrupts her. “He met the White Walkers, one of them stabbed him and you found him and did the same thing with him as you’ve done with me... but what was that?”

“His story was different from yours.” she says. “He was alive when he found us but you were dead.”

“Dead…” he repeats her last word. “And now I’m breathing and talking to you. I couldn’t be so dead.”

“You were,” Leaf tells him “but there’s a way to bring the dead back to life.”

“What way?” Benjen asks.

“People know nothing about it.” Leaf says. “If they did, they would try to use it to get back their lost relatives and friends. Some of their tries would be successful. Those successful resurrections would become famous in a moment and people with evil hearts would know about them and someday someone would use this knowledge for terrible things.”

“What things?” the man asks.

“They would combine our knowledge with their magic.” she replies. “There are many evil people in the world. Some of them are dangerous. They worship stars and use evil magic which is different from ours. Our magic comes from the Old Gods who communicate with us with the help of the Weirwood trees. The Old Gods exist.”

Benjen remembers his childhood when his father spent a lot of time in the Godswood of the Winterfell castle. He taught all his children to respect the Old Gods but only his second oldest brother Ned has taken the religion seriously. Brandon loved freedom and always lived for the moment and Lyanna was as wild as beautiful. And he’s the youngest brother who had to grow up too soon. When he was younger, he wanted to live the same life that Brandon and Lyanna lived but made some mistakes that led him to the Wall.

“I rather believe the Old Gods’ existence than the fake Seven from the South.” he says. Even though he’s never been really religious, he loves his brother and accepts his faith. He loves all of his brother’s children too, including the bastard boy, Jon. Despite these facts, he still feels anger for his brother’s wife, Lady Catelyn and her false Southern gods and her piousness, and he still blames her for the bad decision that ripped him away from his family.

“I know nothing about the New Gods,” Leaf says as she stands up “but the Old Gods are real.”

“Where do you go?” Benjen asks her.

“I want to show you something.” she answers then goes to the other end of the cave. She takes something from the ground and goes back to the man. Benjen looks at the thing in her hand. It’s black and looks like the blade of the knife that he found last year and sent to his daughter to the South by Yoren. The creature gives it to him.

“It’s dragonglass.” she says. “A very old material. In the early days of the dawn age, we used it to make weapons. Then your folk came here and started killing us and cutting down our forests to build castles and houses. Many of us died in the war because you had stronger and sharper weapons.”

“I’ve heard about it.” Benjen says.

“But you haven’t heard that dragonglass is not just a weapon.” The man looks at her and wants to ask her what it means but Leaf continues. “It’s life.”

“Life?” he asks. He doesn’t know what he should think about what the little creature tells him.

“The dragonglass is frozen fire.” she tries to explain it. “It’s fire and ice at the same time. Sometimes it can give back a life if the Old Gods think who died should live because there’s something he should still do.”

Benjen feels confused. What Leaf said sounds quite unbelievable but the fact he lives supports her statement. He looks at her and tells her: “It’s sounds so crazy. Why fire and ice? Why just sometimes? And why me?”

“Fire and ice are two elements of nature.” the child of the Forest explains. “They’re opposites and they must be in balance. They’re in balance only in the dragonglass. The balance means life, everything else is death. The Old Gods must have some plans with you. I don’t know what, but it must be connected to the Night King. He became part of nature to save his people. The Old Gods are the power of nature.”

“And you brought me back to life…” the man’s voice still sounds doubtful “and you’ve said you did it with this” he points at the dragonglass blade in the creature’s hand.

“Not with this but with another piece of dragonglass.” she answers. “When you were brought here, the Night King put you down to the same place you’re sitting now and asked me to try to resurrect you as a human before you became a wight. I pressed a dragonglass blade into your heart to make it work again.”

Benjen just stares at the creature with wide eyes open. He thinks what’s happening to him is not the truth but a dream, what’s more, a nightmare. He doesn’t believe her at all, he knows only that he wants to wake up.

“Its place is the red wound on your chest.” Leaf adds.

“Fuck, don’t think I’m completely stupid!” he says. He cannot believe her story. “When I was stabbed by the White Walker, I didn’t die and I got another wound, I don’t remember how but I survived both. And I presumably hit my head against something, maybe against a stone, that’s why I don’t remember. No one can survive a stab in his heart, so don’t talk bullshit, please!”

“I know it sounds unbelievable,” she tells him “but it’s the truth. You were dead and you’re brought back to life. You’re the same man you were before and you have to do what’s your duty.”

Duty. Benjen has heard this word so many times before. When he was a child and he had to learn, then when he had to stay in Winterfell while everyone fought against the Mad King, then when he killed a man accidentally and had to take the black. But it wasn’t really his fault, the other man stopped him and talked bullshit and he just wanted to push him away from his way. He didn’t want to kill him, but he fell and hit his head against a large stone and died. Ned just did his duty when he sent him to the wall for it, he’s always been the most honourable and the most dutiful man who Benjen has ever known.

“What’s my duty?” he asks, still unbelieving what’s happened to him.

“I don’t know.” Leaf replies. “At first, you should sleep a bit and eat something to get back your strength.”

“And while I’m sleeping, you’ll find out what you want to tell me.” Benjen says.

“I’m leaving now.” the child of the forest says ignoring the mockery in the man’s voice then leaves him alone.

Benjen sees her go then lies back to his place. “It’s not happening.” he moans. “It cannot happen to me. I’ll get up after this nightmare.” He closes his eyes and soon falls asleep.

Chapter Text

Benjen has spent weeks in the cave of the Children of the Forest. Leaf introduced him three other creatures of her race: Cloud, Lake and Flower. These three also speak the Common Tongue of Westeros, so the man has always had someone to talk to. There are always other children staying in the cave, too but they don’t speak the language. Benjen has learned from Leaf and the other three that they are younger creatures who have never met any humans before him.

The food of the children is strange and completely different from what he ate when he lived at the Wall but he’s getting accustomed to it. One day Leaf gives him a weirwood bowl with this strange soup. She sits next to him and says: “He wants to meet you.”

“Who?” Benjen asks.

“The Night King.” Leaf answers.

Benjen almost chokes as he hears it.

“He wants to know that you’re alright and talk to you.” the creature continues. “I don’t know why he has chosen you but he did.”

“I just want to get back my cloak and my horse and go back to the Wall.” the man tells her. “I’m staying here for weeks and Lord Commander Mormont wants to know what actually happened to my companions.”

“They’re all dead.” Leaf replies. “According to the Night King, the White Walkers spared only one man but he wasn’t a part of your group.”

“Will.” Benjen says and bends down his head. “Will survived the meeting with the White Walkers, then he deserted from the Night’s Watch and my brother, Eddard Stark, the Lord of Winterfell executed him.”

“You’re a Stark of Winterfell…” she says and puts a hand to his shoulder. “It must be the reason he wants you alive.”

“Why it’s so special for him?” he asks and looks at her. Leaf is going to answer but he interrupts her. “Please, don’t tell me that he was actually a Stark!”

“He was.” she says finally and lets her hand down. “He had a son named Brandon who built the Wall and a castle at the place where his father found out that he can have total control over the White Walkers with the help of the sword.”

“What sword?” Benjen asks.

“A sword pale of milk and twice the size of an ordinary sword.” Leaf answers. “He used the sword for taking back the White Walkers to the Furthest North. But not long after his son had built the Wall, he visited him one night and gave him the sword to use if the White Walkers came south of the Wall again.”

“It’s impossible.” the man states. “The Ice, the ancestral sword of House Stark is only four thousand years old and made of Valyrian steel. Valyrian steel has a dark colour.”

“I believe it,” she smiles “but the current sword of your family is not the sword that Brandon the Builder used.”

“What happened to the original sword?” he asks.

“I don’t know.” she answers. “I haven’t heard about this sword since the Night King gave it to his son. He’s never talked about it.”

“Maybe he doesn’t want to talk about it to you.” Benjen says and puts down the bowl. He wipes his mouth with the sleeve of his shirt and stands up. “If you’re not a liar, I bet he’ll tell me the whole story.” He starts walking towards the exit of the cave.

“Wait!” Leaf tells him and stands up. “You cannot go now!”

“Why not?” the man asks as he stops.

“The night falls soon.” she answers. “It would be better if you waited for tomorrow.”

“Why?” he asks and turns back to the creature.

“The White Walkers are stronger in the night.” she answers. “He cannot control them without the sword when the sky is dark and the sun goes down.”

“I don’t fear them.” Benjen says and puts on his cloak.

“The dragonglass…” Leaf tries to say something but he interrupts her.

“It works, I just know.” Then he leaves the cave.

The snow is deep and untouched outside. Benjen starts walking away from the mouth of the cave and watches the forest right from him. It looks static and very peaceful. Suddenly he hears the branches moving. He stops and stares at the green pine trees covered with snow. He sees as the snow falls down from the branches as they start moving. Then a direwolf comes out of the forest.

Benjen looks at the animal. It’s not really big and looks a bit pup-like, so certainly a younger wolf and presumably female. She has blue eyes, but not White Walker blue, their colour is like the summer sky. She comes closer and closer to the man. He takes a step back and he searches for his knife with his right hand but doesn’t stop watching into the wolf’s eyes.

As she comes closer, she doesn’t snarl but yelps like a young puppy dog when it wants a caress. Benjen finds it strange but a direwolf is not a dog. Wolves don’t want caresses from people. He touches the grip of the knife and raises it. Steps towards the wolf, but she gets frightened and runs back into the forest.

“What the fuck was this?” Benjen asks a rhetorical question from himself then shakes his head and goes back to the cave. He can’t stop thinking about the direwolf. As he raised the knife, he clearly saw the disappointment in her eyes. What did she actually want? Maybe he shouldn’t have frightened her away.

He reaches the cave and enters. The children inside look at him. He sees Lake and some youngsters but Leaf isn’t there. Benjen isn’t thinking about where she is, he takes off his cloak and drops it on his place. He walks there and takes off his vest, too and drops it next to the cloak then he sits down. It was the first time he left the cave since he was resurrected, and now he feels it’s warm inside.

He pulls the vest closer to him but as he touches the garment, he feels something hard. He puts his hand into the vest’s pocket and takes out a necklace made of leather with a shark tooth pendant. As he beholds it, memories come to his mind immediately.

Benjen closes his eyes. He sees his younger self in the Winterfell stable as he puts the saddle on a brown horse’s back. He’s wearing black and about to go to the Wall. A young woman stands not far from him and watches him with tears in her big brown eyes and her hands rest on her heavily pregnant belly. It happened thirteen years ago but he still feels the same pain in his heart. What would have happened if he had refused to take the black and run away with her? Maybe he would have been executed as a deserter. Or maybe they would now live a happy life with their young daughter or maybe with more children.

Annara. She was just a servant in the kitchen of the Winterfell castle but the prettiest and nicest girl he’s ever met. They were the same age, only six years old when they met the first time. They became friends quickly and as they grew older this friendship became love. He wanted to marry her and knew that Ned wouldn’t have stopped them if his pious and snobbish wife hadn’t talked so much bullshit to him…

Benjen always gets angry when Catelyn comes to his mind, he’s never liked her. He opens his eyes and the first thing he sees is his fist. He opens his fingers and sees again the shark tooth necklace. It always can calm him. He got it from Annara on that day when he left Winterfell to join the Night’s Watch. It’s more valuable for him than any golden or silver jewellery because it reminds him of her. And before him, it was valuable for her too, because she got it from her mother when she was dying. Annara was ten at that time and felt very sad. She told Benjen that this necklace was actually her father’s whom she had never known and he gave it to her mother before she was born. This simple object has a long history. The history of a long-lost family and a long-lost love.

“Was she beautiful?” Lake asks as she sits next to the man.

Benjen looks at her. The creature is smiling shyly and says “Sorry, I just thought… not interesting.”

“Yes, she was.” he answers as he looks again at the necklace. “And I’ll never see her again. Neither our daughter.”

“But you can protect them.” she says.

“How?” he asks. “I’m here, in a cave at the end of the world. I’m not a watcher on the Wall anymore, nor do I stay with them.”

“Leaf has already told you I think.” Lake replies. “The Old Gods has chosen you…”

“The Old Gods, the Night King, the Children of the Forest… why the fuck would anyone choose me?” Benjen asks nervously.

“I don’t know.” the child of the forest tells him. “Maybe the Three-eyed Raven…”

“Stop this now!” the man interrupts her and raises his hands for protesting. “I don’t want to hear about any strange bullshit like this today!”

“As you want…” Lake says. She stands up and goes back to the younger children leaving him alone.