Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

• Terms:

muggle: person without superpowers

pureblood: person born to two parents each with powers

halfblood: only one person has powers

muggleborn: born with powers, but neither parents had powers

mutant: has powers, but was not born with them. given through accident or experimentation. very few survive. powers are extremely unstable. 

death eaters: group that wishes to eliminate all people without powers in order to build a "more superior species". led by tom riddle

the order: heroes that have allied together to challenge the death eaters. led by albus dumbledore. 

sirius black (he/him)

• blood status: pureblood
• powers: can create and manipulate fire at will. also has the rare ability of fire wielders to control fiendfrye; which has the ability to obliterate its target in mere seconds. sirius is ashamed and scared of this power.
• alter ego: padfoot
• allegiance: the order
• fan cast: loic williams (@loic.williams)

remus lupin (he/him)

• blood status: unknown
• known powers: super strength, enhanced sense of smell. remus is not as adept in his powers as the other as he is not used to fighting.
• alter ego: moony
• allegiance: none
• fan cast: matt hits (@mattxhitt)

james potter  (he/him)

• blood status: pureblood
• powers: flight
• alter ego: prongs
• allegiance: the order
• fan cast: viraj sheth (@viraj_sheth)

peter pettigrew  (he/him)

• blood status: halfblood
• powers: invisibility
• alter ego: wormtail
• allegiance: the order
• fan cast: TBD

lily evans  (she/her)

• blood status: muggleborm
• powers: mind control
• alter ego: doe
• allegiance: the order
• fan cast: rosie caldwell (@rosietheginger)

mary macdonald  (she/her)

• blood status: muggleborn
• powers: shapeshifting (change her appearance to other people or animals)
• alter ego: lioness (her favorite animal to shift to)
• allegiance: the order
• fan cast: gabrielle richardson (@fridacashflow)

alice fortesque  (they/them)

• blood status: pureblood
• powers: teleportation
• alter ego: hummingbird
• allegiance: the order
• fan cast: brigette lundy-paine

dorcas meadowes (she/her):

• blood status: unknown
• powers: nature control and manipulation (includes earth and weather). dorcas does not currently have control of her powers.
• alter ego: unknown
• allegiance: the order
• fan cast: tierra "umi" wilson (@whoisumi)

marlene mckinnon  (she/her)

• blood status: unknown
• powers: technopath
• alter ego: unknown
• allegiance: the prder
• fan cast: abi nunn (@midsizegal)

frank longbottom (he/him)

• blood status: unknown
• powers: unknown
• allegiance: the order
• alter ego: unknown
• fan cast: archie madekwe (@archmadekwe)

rabastian lestrange (he/him)

• blood status: pureblood
• powers: telekinesis
• allegiance: death eaters
• alter ego: none
• fan cast: TBD

rodolphus lestrange (he/him)

• blood status: pure blood
• powers: telekinesis
• allegiance: death eaters
• alter ego: none
• fan cast: TBD

Chapter Text

 marauders & co
14:26 

sirius
OI!
you’re all watching this right

alice
huh???

marlene
im so confused
we love the lack of context

james
yall just turn on the tv

alice
what channel

mary
who actually watches live tv anymore
tbh i dont even think i have a way to watch live tv

lily
why cant you just tell us?

sirius
im trying to be dramatic
sorry for trying to add some spice to our lives

dorcas
i-

marlene
I'm dead who's gonna tell him

mary
sirius love...
i don’t know how to tell you this..
but…
you have superpowers

sirius
i hate all of you xx
but for real
can yall just look at your nearest screen???

dorcas
you mean like the phones we’re currently on?

sirius
JAMES
im being bullied
help

james
lmao this kind of funny tho

sirius
wtf???
some kind of superhero you are
cant even save me from my suffering

alice
ASDFDSJA

dorcas
pls

lily
wait
sirius is this what you’re talking about
attached link: LIVE: UNNAMED POWER HOLDER FIGHTS LESTRANGE BROTHERS IN SHOREDITCH

mary
ooo shit 
who is that?

marlene
idk
never seen him before

alice
he’s gotta be muggleborn then
or mutant

james
yeah i dont recognize him
and i would
if his parents had powers

dorcas
well whoever the fuck he is
he just chucked a slab of pavement at rabastan’s head

mary
as he shoulD

marlene
shit i wish i was home id grab some popcorn or shit

dorcas
if you were home we’d be having a cuddle
right?

marlene
yes 
mwah

dorcas
aw gee

mary
wait, marls where are you

marlene
mission

lily
with me :)

mary
wow
no invite
i see how it is

lily
dumblearse sent us 

mary
oh
nvm that’s ok then 

james
guys
focus

marlene 
on what?
the guy?
we beat the shit out of rabastian and rodolphus all the time
this isn’t special 

james
ok BUT WHO IS HE?!?!?!!?

alice 
frank says doc and benji don’t know who he is either 

sirius
dont think he’s a kid of a villian 

mary 
yeah you would know
you’d be related to him 

sirius
ouch

mary 
love you tho bb 

lily
get a room

mary
GROSS 
lily 
why 
this is my villain origin story

dorcas 
ok but can y’all imagine an Evil Mary

lily
could never and would never fight her

alice 
if mary was evil id just assume we were all on the wrong side 

lily
TRUE

marlene
so basically mary would not be evil
we would

dorcas
yes

alice
yes 

mary
facts

alice
i believe in mary supremacy 

marlene
fucking same 

dorcas changed group name to “mary macdonald’s cult”

mary 
its about damn time

lily
mary worship is the only way

alice 
period

james
ok but does this guy look worn out to anybody else

dorcas 
don’t get me wrong he’s definitely kicking ass
but he also looks like shit 

lily
agreed 

marlene 
maybe somebody should go help him

james
anyone know if pete is up?

lily
i mean it’s the middle of the day

james
…
i’ll call him
brb

james & peter
james called peter 14:52 
call ended 14:53 

peter
james you twat
can’t just call me to scream into the phone and then hang up 

james 
check the main groupchat bastard

mary macdonald’s cult
14:55

alice
shit
y’all idk how long this guy can keep this up
someone should go help him now

sirius 
james and wormy 
suit up

peter 
nooooo

sirius
excuse me

peter
comfyyyyyyy

james
you’re kidding

peter
why can’t dorcas do it??
she is
and i quote
“the most powerful hero of our generation”

sirius
because that would be boring 

peter
BUT SHED HAVE IT TAKEN CARE OF
IN LIKE
FIVE MINUTES

dorcas
i have to let the rest of you do SOMETHING 

peter
*sigh*
alright 

james
hell yeah
race you there 

sirius
thats not fair
you can fly

james
sorry can’t hear you over the sound of the wind blowing through my hair

marlene
no texting while flying potter
we don’t want a repeat of the great kite catastrophe of 2018

sirius
that was single handedly the best day of my life tho
attached image

alice
i’m actually screaming
i still don’t understand how you got so tangled up

james
sirius black you ass
you told me you deleted that 

sirius
oh james
of course i didn’t 

james
lily don’t look
you’re image of me as a dashing rapscallion will be ruined

lily
uh
anyways
you almost there?

peter
im like five minutes out

sirius
same

james
im here
just hovering
chillaxing if you will

mary
weirdo

peter
can i just say
the fact that we have to drive to crime is very anticlimactic

james
cant relate

lily
oh my god we get it you can fly

sirius
not even the most impressive power in the group mate
i can literally set shit on fire

james
so? i can do that too?  
ever heard of a lighter

dorcas
ooo burn

mary
literally

peter
ok i think im as close as i can get with the news vans and the police blocking everything

marlene
i’ll never understand why the cops come
like we’ve clearly got it under control
go home you bastards 

sirius
ladies, gentleman, and non binaries
i have arrived

peter
ok im going ghost

james
don’t do danny phantom like that wormy

lily
i had such a crush on him
i watched that show all the time

james
who didn’t have a crush on him though
i have never met a bisexual who did not love that show
danny and shego >>

marlene
wasn’t shego in kim possible

alice
yep

marlene
smh james fake fan

sirius
ok as much as i love this conversation
i think it's time

james
right you are sirius
see ya later girls & alice

dorcas
bye
be safe

mary
try to keep the destruction of property to a minimum

better than the marauders
15:12

marlene
potter is on the scene

lily
i hate to admit it
but his hair does look good all windswept like that

mary
when are you going to put the poor boy out of his misery and date him

lily
eh
its kinda fun to make him squirm

alice
marlene and lily how are you texting during a mission

marlene
its just recon
we just watched crouch pick a chip off the floor and eat it

mary
seems on brand tbh

dorcas
can we just talk about how all james is doing is flying in circles around rabastian and rodolphus
and its actually working

mary
you’d think they’d just ignore him

dorcas
its impossible to ignore james potter
such a nuisance

alice
aaaaand theres sirius
how do we rate his entrance

dorcas
8/10

marlene
7/10

lily
i agree 8/10

mary
3/10
i told him to keep property damage to a minimum
and he makes a car explode

dorcas
i mean
id make everything explode if i could

alice
poor mystery guy looks so confused

mary 
for real tho

lily
of course rabastian and rodolphus already subdued both of them

dorcas
their telekinesis really is a bitch

marlene
ope there’s peter with the right hook to rabastian’s face
what would they do without his invisibility 

alice
they really don’t appreciate that poor boy enough

mary
ok they have rodolphus sorted out

marlene
gotta hand it to our lads
despite how chaotic they are 
they do always get the job done

alice
we can never tell them that though

marlene
of course
imagine what it would do to their egos

lily
FUCK
SHIT FUCK FUCK

dorcas
OH NO NO NO

mary
WHY IS NOBODY WARNING THEM

marlene
wait 
rabastian is up

mary
YEAH NO SHIT

alice
i think hes going to throw that car at sirius

lily
i stopped watching the video
pls tell me sirius is okay
guys???

mary
he’s fine.

lily
thank god

marlene
mystery guy came out of nowhere
literally caught the car

alice
sirius looks like he might be in love

dorcas
uh-

mary
okay yeah mystery guy just passed out

marlene
of course here come the reporters
already swarming
that guy is definitely to heavy for james to fly out of there

dorcas
alice?

alice
don't worry
i'm on it

marlene
how long do you think it takes for them to get there

dorcas
5

mary
4

marlene
3
nvm they’re already there

dorcas
the fact that they can teleport but never take us on trips is a crime of the highest caliber

mary
we went to budapest last month

dorcas
that wasn’t a vacation that was a mission

mary
we went to the lukacs bath house!

dorcas
yeah to spy on karkaroff
btw still can’t get that image out of my head

lily
looks like alice got them all out

dorcas
alice, how are the lads doing?

17:02

dorcas
alice?!?!?!

mary
a sign of life would be greatly appreciated 

mary macdonald’s cult
17:18

marlene
assholes 
aka james, sirius, peter, and alice 
are you alive

dorcas
wtf

mary 
never gone this long without potter and black running their mouths before

james & lily
18:05

lily
don’t let this go to your head 
but i’m worried about you 
so please don’t be dead 

18:37

lily
this is so embarrassing for me 
im actually pacing my flat waiting for you to reply
god i kind of hope you’re dead because if you aren’t ill never hear the end of this 
wait that’s a terrible thing to say
ignore that
(read: 18:44)

18:51

lily
JAMES POTTER
I SWEAR TO GOD
YOU DID NOT LEAVE ME ON READ

mary macdonald’s cult
19:26

sirius
you can’t get rid of me bitch

better than the marauders
19:27

mary 
nobody fucking reply
petty time

alice
im sorry
a lot was going on

marlene
thin fucking ice fortesque

alice
:(

marlene
damn i can’t stay mad at you

alice
:)
im going over to frank’s
he was worried
so you might not hear from me for a bit

mary macdonald’s cult
21:34

james
ok we probably deserve the silent treatment

mary 
damn right

james
but to be fair dumblearse put us on a communications lockdown until we figured out who the super strength bloke was

sirius
we were also put in timeout for going somewhere without orders

mary 
you got in trouble for that???
that guy was going to die

marlene
speaking of dying 
SIRIUS BLACK YOU NEED TO BE MORE CAREFUL
YOU ALMOST FUCKING DIED

dorcas 
remember
CONSTANT VIGILANCE 

lily
how is mystery guy

peter

he’s fine as far as we know

sirius
too right pete
he definitely is fine ;)

lily
so
who is he?

james
no fucking clue

lily
???

sirius
he kind of ran away as soon as poppy healed him and he woke up
dumblearse hadn't even showed up to talk to him yet

marlene
that’s it then?
he’s just gone???

james
not exactly…

mary
explain

peter
sirius 

sirius
i got his number…
:)

Chapter Text

mary macdonald’s cult
21:40

dorcas
you are single handedly the most absurd person i’ve ever met in my life

mary
i don’t think a near death experience is an appropriate time to try and pull

sirius
its not like he was complaining!

peter
except he was
he was trying to leave
and you stood in front of the door

sirius
psstttt
we all know that he could have moved me out of the way if he wanted to
besides i wasn’t hitting on him
i just didn’t want him to disappear into the night

lily
so has he responded?

sirius
um
i haven’t texted him yet

mary
why 

sirius 
i wanna make a good first impression
ya know do i come off casual
like ‘hey just wanted to shoot you a message’

mary 
you already made a first impression
and it was almost getting hit by a car

sirius 
…
do you think he’ll remember that?

marlene
bet ten pounds that he gave sirius a fake number

sirius
STOP
fine
im texting him 

sirius & 0204663219
21:53

sirius
hi
this is the guy whose life you saved today. just wanted to check in. 

mary macdonald’s cult
21:55

sirius 
done
and now we wait

mary 
edge of my seat 

james & lily

22:07

james
so you were worried about me

lily
i was worried about everyone

james
yes but you only texted me
(read 22:12) 

23:52

lily
im glad you’re ok potter

mary macdonald’s cult
24:11

dorcas
any word?

sirius
no

mary 
ok well im going to bed
today has been something 

dorcas
goodnight mary 

lily
night <3

marlene & dorcas
24:20

dorcas
hey 
just wondering if you were coming home tonight 

marlene
sorry love
i think this one is gonna be an all nighter

dorcas
ok
it just feels like you’re never here anymore

marlene
im sorry 
but we all have stuff we have to do

dorcas 
yeah but you volunteered for this mission

marlene
i made some new recon tech that i wanted to try out 

dorcas
you could do that any time
you chose to go and you're choosing to not come home

marlene
can we not have this argument over text

dorcas
well then when are we supposed to have it
i never see you

marlene
look it sucks that you got suspended
but you could have hurt yourself or someone else
and you can’t expect me to just be around all the time because you’re bored
i still have a job to do

dorcas
you make me sound like a child

marlene
you’re kind of acting like one 

dorcas
screw you mckinnon

marlene called dorcas 24:38 (missed)
marlene called dorcas 24:40 (missed)
marlene called dorcas 1:00 (missed)

marlene
i’ll come by in the morning

sirius & 0204663219
2:08

0204663219
Hi. Sorry I don’t check my phone a lot. 
And I’ve been sleeping. 

sirius
oh yeah no that’s cool
sleep is great
i should probably be asleep right now lol

0204663219
Thank you for showing up today. 
I’m not used to the whole fighting thing.

sirius
no problem

2:22

sirius
ok well just wanted to check in
have a good night!

0204663219
You too.

mary macdonald’s cult
2:56

sirius
attached screenshot
apparently i no longer know how to have a conversation 

james
sirius it’s almost three, go to bed
we’ll discuss in the morning

mary macdonald’s cult
9:21

sirius 
are we ready to give me the attention that i deserve

mary
*takes a long drink of coffee*

sirius
i don’t know what to say
this is so awkward

lily
i have an idea
i’ll text him

sirius
WHAT
NO
then he’d know i was talking about him

lily
im sure he already assumes you’re talking about him
to some extent

sirius
but this would be like my mum trying to force someone to be my friend 

lily
since when am i your mum

sirius
fine text him
i can’t stop you

mary & marlene
11:23

mary 
hey it’s probably none of my business
but are you and dorcas okay?

marlene
why?

mary
well the way i see it
there’s two kinds of couples
this:

and whatever the fuck this is:

marlene 
first, i can't believe you use light mode i'm shocked and disgusted
and i think she’s just having a hard time adjusting

mary 
so she’s subtweeting you???

marlene
it’s complicated 

mary
for once i agree with dumblearse
she needs a break
he benched her for a reason

marlene
try telling her that
i went home to talk to her
she was so upset she had a whole ass hail storm following her around
i think it was easy when it was supposed to be a few weeks
but its been two months

mary
yikes 
wait you came back?

marlene
i haven’t been spending too much time home recently

mary
why?

marlene
because i don’t fancy getting drenched every time she’s in a mood
which is a lot lately

mary
sounds like you’re avoiding her

marlene
im not avoiding her
its just impossible to talk to her right now

mary 
that’s not very healthy adult relationship of you marls 
she’s been having a hard time since gid died

marlene 
we all are!

mary 
ok well not all of us almost accidentally destroyed bromley 
she lost her best friend
then she lost control of her powers and we both know that the chances of her getting control back is low
she’s probably scared of losing you too

marlene
it’s just really hard

mary
do you want to break up

marlene
of course not 

mary 
well then start acting like it

lily & 0204663219
12:09

lily
hi i’m friends with the marauders, you met them the other day.
padfoot, the one you were talking to, is apparently god awful at talking to new people.
but i was wondering, if i could know a bit more about you, if you’re comfortable with that
nobody seems to know who you are, and we know most of the people our age with powers

0204663219
Hello. So, he’s just giving out my number to random people then?

lily
no nothing like that i swear. just saw it in a screenshot. thought we could chat.

0204663219
Ok, is it supposed to make me feel better that he’s sharing screenshots of our conversation

lily
oh bugger. i promise it was nothing weird

mary macdonald’s cult
12:10

lily
attached screenshot
sorry sirius
i might be mucking this up

sirius
EVANS 
I SWEAR TO GOD

lily
hold on hold on
i can fix it

lily & 0204663219
12:18

lily
i think we started off on the wrong foot
like a creepy stalker foot
we’re just confused and want to know who you are

0204663219
You keep saying “we”.

lily
some of us who are part of the order
you know what that is, right?

0204663219
Yes.
Look I really respect what all of you do, but if this is some kind of recruitment, I’m not interested. 

lily
no, nothing like that. 
maybe this isn’t the best way to talk

0204663219
Maybe not.
Because I’m having a hard time understanding what you gain from this conversation.
You haven’t even told me who you are.

lily
oh sorry
i don’t want to give out my real name just yet
but i guess i can tell you my hero name is doe

0204663219
Doe. The one that does the mind control?

lily
that is a very watered down version of it i suppose
i could explain it to you more, if you’d be willing to meet
i know they took you to hogwarts hq last time, we could meet back there. 

0204663219
Sorry, this all still seems strange to me so I don’t think I’m going to go back there.
I’d rather us meet in public.
There is a pub across from the hostel I’m staying at. We can meet there.

lily
you know what that is totally fair 
i’m sure i could meet you there
is it okay if i bring a few other people

0204663219
That is fine.

lily
brilliant!!! :)
just send me the info whenever you get the chance
oh i never asked, do you have something we can call you
so we can stop referring to you as mystery guy?

0204663219
um like i said i don't really do the hero stuff, so i don't have a "hero name"
but call me moony i guess

mary macdonald's cult
12:41

lily
attached screenshot
ok
operation damage control was a success i think

alice
should we still be sending screenshots
i don't think he appreciated it very much

james
nooo
i need the tea

sirius
bagsy on being one of the people that goes to the pub

lily
depends
are you going to behave like a normal human being 

marlene
now now lily that's not fair
you can't ask sirius to do something he has never done before

mary
oof
rip sirius

sirius
huh?

mary
there's no way that guy is queer
he uses proper punctuation and capitalization in text
its kind of ugly
everyone knows that the gays go all lowercase
and only go in caps when we're excited
and even then its gotta be all caps

peter
i text in all lowercase and i'm straight

mary
that's because all your friends are gay and we've been conditioning you

sirius
mary im going to cry
you're crushing my dreams

mary
its what im here to do

lily
ok so im thinking tomorrow its me and sirius
and then mary and alice do you two want to come

alice
absolutely

mary
yep

peter

wow, going to pretend to not be offended that i wasn't chose

james
you and me both wormy
its ok we can go find our own random person to obsess over 

alice
god this guy has no clue what he's getting into

Chapter Text

mary macdonald's cult
10:28

alice

pls why are the two of you flatmate goals?

sirius
because we're hot

lily
couldn't have said it better myself

sirius
honestly, name a hotter pair of flatmates

james
uh you lived with me for three years
am i not hot?

sirius
of course you're hot
but lily and i>>
its like putting someone's school art project next to starry night
the art project might be fantastic
but it doesn't get a fair chance because some idiot put it right next to something done by vango
*van goh?
**van gogh
bloody weird fucking names

james
thank you? i guess 

marlene
that was almost a compliment
must have been very hard for you sirius

lily
is that what you're wearing to the pub?

sirius
yes
why?

dorcas
is lily evans about to say something outdated about gender and clothing?

mary
my hand is HOVERING over the remove from chat button

lily
calm yourselves
it's october. i just don't want him to be cold
i think it'd be cute if you wore your leather jacket over it
and you can probably take the jacket off inside

peter
can sirius even get cold?

sirius
yeah im not made of fire
i think?
who knows how these things work
fishnets under ripped jeans or no fishnets?

james
definitely fishnets

dorcas
hm would that be too much?

mary
i don't think so. he's wearing basic colors so it should be okay

sirius
im gonna go with the fishnets
i look good in anything

lily
fishnets are such a pain to put on 
my feet always wanna go through all the other holes
and my toes get stuck

sirius
nobody ever said that beauty was easy lils
i got a man to impress and an image to fix
i need my outfit to say "i don't usually almost get cars thrown at me because im not paying attention" 

mary
ah yes a very common aesthetic

marlene
sounds like a docs and rings kind of vibe to me

sirius
perf

james & lily
11:25

james
what time were you going to the pub
and where is it?

lily
not sure yet
still waiting to hear from him

james
are you sure this is safe?

lily
wdym

james
i mean we don't know who he is
what if it's a trap

lily

sorry couldn't resist
but given the fact that he beat the shit out of rabastian and rodolphus id say we're good

james
could just be a way to make him seem less suspicious
get someone on the inside
deatheaters have done shadier stuff before

lily
i don't think he would have run away from all of you if he was a secret deatheater trying to infiltrate the order
plus i'll have sirius, mary, and alice with me
and if things go bad alice can teleport us out of there

james
can i please come with you

lily
no, i don't want to overwhelm him
and you and sirius in the same room is too chaotic

james
ok well can you at least keep me updated during the conversation

lily
of course

james & peter
11:43

james
wanna do me a favor

peter
...depends

james
what are you doing tonight?

peter
no

james
oh come on
you can't possibly know what i'm going to say
maybe i just want to hang out with one of my best mates

peter
lies
you want me to spy on them at the pub

james
well now that you mention it...

peter
james i would be a terrible spy

james
you can turn invisible
that's like 75% of the battle 

peter
lily terrifies me james
if i get caught i swear ill shit myself

james
peter if you do this i'll love you forever

peter
you already are going to love me forever
you literally told all of us last week that you'd love us forever
you weren't even provoked, you just blurted it out

james
i'll take night patrol shifts for the rest of the month
even the ones with moody

peter
ugh
fine

james
you're a gem

lily & moony
17:36

moony
Hello, sorry I'm getting these details to you late. I was honestly just going to block you and maybe it's stupid of me not to, but we'll see I guess.
Anyways here's the pub, I'm already there. Come whenever.
moony shared his location 

lily
hi, greatly appreciate you not ghosting me.
and we can head out now! see you in like twenty minutes!!

mary macdonald's cult
17:42
lily changed group name to #BringMoonyHome

dorcas
you make him sound like a dog

sirius
alice and mary!!
lily says time to head out
do NOT look hotter than me
i can't take any chances

mary
so dramatic
let me just go find a paper bag to put on i guess

alice
ugh mary this place is far away
calling a cab
wait
i can teleport
ok mary and I will be there in 30 seconds 

james & lily
17:51

lily
lily is now sharing their location

james & peter
17:54

james
ok, its your time to shine

peter
yay me

#BringMoonyHome
18:18

alice
ok we're all here
about to head in

sirius
everyone hype me up

mary
he hasn't stopped tapping his foot 
i might punch him

sirius
ugh ok lily says there is no time for this we're going in

mary
don't worry everyone
i do plan on being one of those people that is on their phone when they're with people
will be giving you a play by play 

dorcas
bless your soul

mary
ok sirius has already zeroed in on him
damn wait okay maybe i get why sirius is obsessed with him
he's got this broody "i don't give a shit" kind of look

sirius
mary don't even try

mary
don't worry i won't actively try to steal your man
but if he just happens to fancy me instead...
i think he knows we're here
just realizing that he didn't even see sirius and alice's faces when they met him
because of the masks
he's walking over
brb

marlene
wish i was there

dorcas
i hope it ends up ok

marlene & dorcas
18:42

dorcas
hi

marlene
hi

dorcas
so are we just not going to talk about it...

marlene
talk about what?

dorcas
the fact that you can't stand to be around me anymore

marlene
stop that
i love you

dorcas
if you love me, why didn't you come home last night
after i told you how much i miss you

marlene
i really don't know what to say

dorcas
well you can come back tonight
im going to go stay with fab

marlene
what?!?!?!
no
dorcas please

dorcas
this isn't even a relationship anymore 
you only talk to me in group contexts 

marlene
fuck
dorcas please
i love you

dorcas
i don't know if i believe you

marlene
are you breaking up with me

dorcas
i don't think so
not yet
just don't want to be somewhere im not wanted

marlene
im getting on the tube now
please don't leave before i get back so we can talk
(read 18:59)

dorcas & fab
19:06

fab
im outside

dorcas
omw

#BringMoonyHome
19:27

mary
ok im back
this place is weird btw
its literally called "hog's head"
but also we have a first name 
remus

james
oh my god
like the moon
sirius is probably losing his shit

mary
he's surprisingly calm
ope he just went to use the loo
i expect you will all be hearing from him momentarily

dorcas
great

sirius
AHHHH
GUYS
OMG
MOON AND STAR
MOON AND FUCKING STAR

james
I know the feeling
like the fact that lily is doe and im prongs
destiny 

mary changed sirius' name to "simp #1"
mary changed james' name to "simp #2"

simp #2
honestly 
not even going to argue
who wouldn't simp

simp #1
i am not a simp
i just have taste
anyway going back out to swoon over this man

mary
ok sirius is back
remus is low-key funny guys
can't go to into detail yet its just small talk mostly
i thought he would be an asshole but he isn't

alice
can confirm not an asshole
also mary stop he totally knows you're talking about him

mary
fine

mary & james
20:31

mary
heads up
lily is about to go off on you
and peter says hi

james
shit
what did he do?

mary
he didn't do anything wrong
turns out good ol' remus has a very strong sense of smell
and knew he was there the whole time
but didn't say anything til we were all leaving

james
mary all i ask 
is that you make my funeral a rager

mary
you can count on me

#BringMoonyHome
21:12

lily
JAMES POTTER
ARE YOU THICK??

dorcas
oooo james is in trouble

simp #2
sorry lily
i was just worried

lily
wtf is your name

simp #2
no comment

lily
geez

james
so did i muck it up
does he never want to talk to any of us again

lily
you're one lucky son of a bitch potter

simp #1 changed his name to "sirius"
sirius added remus to the group

remus
Hello everyone.

Chapter Text

#BringMoonyHome
21:41

mary
ok remus before you say anything else
im gonna need you to turn auto-caps off
it hurts me

remus
Um, why would I do that?

mary removed remus from the chat

lily
MARY
WHY

mary
i refuse to allow auto-caps in this group chat

lily
who cares about how he texts???
it was so much work just to get him to trust us!!

mary
sacrifices have to be made for peace

sirius
i hate you
i hate you with every fiber of my being rn

mary
tsk tsk

sirius removed mary from the chat

lily
SIRIUS
ARE YALL CHILDREN

sirius
"sacrifices have to be made for peace"

dorcas
i love everything that is happening rn

sirius added remus to the chat

sirius
don't worry you're safe now moony

remus
Thanks?

dorcas
(would not be opposed if you turned off auto-caps off tho)

remus
I'll consider it
Anyways I have some questions for all of you, but I have to be up early in the morning, so it will have to wait until then.

dorcas
no worries
i'm sure we all have questions for you as well

remus
I will try to answer them.
Goodnight.

dorcas
night night

sirius
sweet dreams!

dorcas & sirius
21:54

dorcas
mate ive never seen you act like this
what's going on

sirius
honestly i have no clue
he just feels...important
does that make sense
is that how you feel about marlene

dorcas
yeah...

sirius
you alright?

dorcas
yeah just tired you know

sirius
ok well get some sleep
say hi to marls for me 

dorcas
will do

james & sirius
22:16

sirius
james
i found him on social media

james
did he give you a last name??

sirius
no

james
ngl getting some serious stalker vibes from you

sirius
i literally just searched his name
its not like there is a million ppl named remus running around

james
fair i s'pose

sirius

anyways

just look at him
is he even real???

james
he's from wales?

sirius
i guess

james
why'd he come to london

sirius
dunno
maybe his soul beckoned him here to find me

james
sure

sirius
rude

james
we should ask tomorrow 

sirius
as much as i love to meddle in people's lives
i think we should let it be
i get the impression he doesn't wanna talk about it 

james
fair 
ok bed time
night wanker

sirius
night you bastard

#BringMoonyHome
10:05

dorcas

sirius
we're adding her back 

sirius
NO
she needs to think about what she's done

dorcas added mary to the chat

mary
hellooooooo
im baaaaackkkk

sirius
im sorry do you all hear something?
sounds like a friend i used to know
but that can't be true because she is dead to me

mary
dramatic git

sirius
always

alice
good morning remus!!! idk when you will see this but we are ready to talk whenever you are

mary
al stop being so unproblematic
you make sirius and i look bad
and i hate looking bad
sirius might be used to it, but i'm not

sirius
this is slander to my good name 

dorcas
hate to break it to you babe but “good” has never been something i associate with your name 

mary
yeah mr.estranged son of the most notorious family of villains

sirius
i-
i gotta give it to you girls
you won this round 

mary
dorcas and i are such a power duo
like she’s rarely ever mean 
but when she is
damn

dorcas
let this be a lesson to everyone
don't cross me

dorcas & mary
12:38

dorcas
ok what's the real tea on remus
the unbiased scoop
alice and lily are too nice
and sirius is too moony for moony

mary
AWWW DORCAS
im glad someone appreciates me 

dorcas
fucking obsessed with you macdonald
always will be

mary
anyways like i said he's not an asshole 
but also seems VERY paranoid 

dorcas
how so?

mary
idk man i thought we were going to sus him out
but he totally turned the tables
we answered more questions about us than he did about himself

dorcas
what do we know about him

mary
uh 21 years old, really REALLY likes florence and the machines, he reads?? he was reading at the pub.
legit reading. a book. in a pub.
like what mysterious strangers do in films.
i don't think he looked at his phone once the whole time we were there

dorcas
what book?

mary
idk it looked old and boring 
which is code for: confusing words and subject matter that probably did not age well

dorcas
why am i so invested in knowing more about this man

mary
at this point im too invested to stop
he's stuck with us

dorcas
oh im sure lily and sirius will make sure of that 

james & lily
13:12

lily
so i think we need to have a conversation about how you deliberately lied/didn’t listen to me

james
technically i didn’t lie to you
i said that *i* wouldn’t go
peter was a completely unknown entity 

lily
is that the hill you want to die on

james
no
im sorry i did that

lily
i know that you did it because you care about your friends and want to keep us safe. but just because you’re a superhero doesn’t mean you need a savior complex. i promise you we’re all totally capable of handling ourselves.
you’re not our leader
and even if we had a leader it wouldn’t be you. itd probably be dorcas. 
because again, you can only fly 

james
ok i get it
boundaries right?

lily
bingo

james
also why does everyone keep shitting on my flying
i smell jealousy

lily
yes we’re all SO jealous of you james
we talk about it everyday 
we have secret meetings about it every other thursday 

james
all im saying is
if you ask a kid “if you could have any superpower what could it be” 
they don’t say “oh i want to control the weather”
*cough* *cough* dorcas
they say they want to fly 

lily
or they say super strength 
and we’ve got one of those now

james
ok but most of them would still say flight

lily
whatever you say potter

james
brb going to make a poll
do we know any children???

lily
yes
you sirius and mary

#BringMoonyHome
16:09

remus
Hi, I'm sorry for just now getting back to all of you. It's been a very busy day. 

alice
that's fine love!
how are you

remus
Good. So obviously I can see all of your names, but who is Simp #2.

simp #2 
hi, uh james aka prongs

remus
Why #2 though?
Who is #1?

lily
oh its just a joke
bcuz james can never be #1 at anything

remus
Oh funny
So now I know that James is Prongs, Sirius is Padfoot, and Lily is Doe
I can assume that the rest of you also have powers?

mary
yep
im lioness

peter
wormtail

alice
hummingbird

dorcas
slow down
idk why we're all jumping to tell this guy who we are
we don't go around telling ppl who we are for a reason 

lily
dorcas i really don't think he's gonna tell anyone
we know who he is now too

dorcas
do we???
remus seems like a fake ass name to me

sirius
ok damn pack it up DORCAS

dorcas
fuck you black

sirius
why are you acting so nasty

remus
It's fine.
I understand.
She doesn't have to tell me who she is if she does not want to.

sirius
she still doesn't have to act like a brat about it!

remus
I just have a few questions and then I'll be out of all your hair.

peter
what are your questions?

dorcas
no
i have questions for him first

sirius
DORCAS

remus
Sure. What questions?

dorcas
where are you from

remus
Cardiff

dorcas
what are you doing in london

remus
I'm looking for somebody. Last I heard he was here.

dorcas
who?

remus
That's a question I won't answer. 

dorcas
nope not good enough. who are you looking for?

mary
dorcas lay off

dorcas
do you guys not understand that people are dying??
this isn't a game. none of us are safe. we can't just invite randos off the street into our lives
especially when they insist on being cryptic and freaky 

sirius
the rest of us aren't safe
dumblearse has you wrapped in bubblewrap stored away til he needs you

simp #1
HEY
will the two of you chill out
dorcas, nobody is forcing you to say anything you don't want to
the rest of us can answer questions, but we aren't going to reveal details about you or anybody else

dorcas
fine
im going to go take a nap
try not to destroy the entire order 

mary
um
anyways

lily
im sorry remus
she's usually not like that
you know, things are just tense
death eaters killed one of our friends last month

remus
It's fine honestly. 
I'd honestly be more concerned if you guys weren't suspicious

sirius
there's no reason for anyone to be suspicious of you though
you saved all of those people when you fought rabastian and rodolphus
you didn't have to do that
dorcas is just being a brat because she's in timeout

remus
why is she?

lily
i think its best we not say
dorcas was pretty clear on wanting to keep her life private

remus
That's fair, sorry.

lily
no no its fine
what were your questions?

remus
Well i don't know a lot of people with powers, so I just want to see if some of the things that happen to me are the same for all of you

simp #1
ask away

remus
Ok, well, I guess first of all I've kind of noticed when I was fighting the Lestrange Brothers, or I guess Rabastian and Rodolphus, that I could get hit and be totally fine?? Is that normal?

peter
yeah we call that enhanced durability. basically means you can take damage and not die or get seriously injured right away. a lot of power holders have it, but not everyone, and people have it to certain extents. lily doesn't have it. sirius and marlene have it, but it's not as strong as mine or dorcas'. james, mary, and alice have a good in between amount. judging by the beatings you took the other day i'd say yours is really high

mary
there are tests for those kinds of things though. if you're interested. 

remus
I'll think about it.

peter
of course you can still get hurt or die. its just about how long you can take it.

remus
How do you all keep your identities a secret? How does nobody have any idea who you are. 

mary
i mean the masks and the costumes basically. we don't wear them to look hot

sirius
we don't?

mary
just learn to ignore sirius
obviously not getting noticed is easy for me, because shapeshifting. everyone else's costumes are designed to hide anything that'd identifying. sirius' covers his tattoos. lily has a hood to hide her hair. that kind of thing.
most heroes have an alter ego. a good amount of villains don't have one. either hide behind their money or simply hide. 
there are also some higher powers that are very good at making any slip ups disappear 
you might notice that your name and picture isn't plastered across every news station in britain 

remus
Yeah I was wondering about that thanks
Ok, um last one for now, do all of your parents have powers?

sirius
james, alice, and i are purebloods, so both of our parents have powers
pete's a half-blood, only his mum does
mary and lily are muggleborn
not going to share marls and dorcas info tho

remus
What's a muggle?

sirius
muggles are what we call people without powers
so a muggleborn was someone born with powers who have 

remus
What if you aren't born with powers?

sirius
that's a muggle like i said

remus
No, I mean, what about people who weren't born with powers but get them later

sirius
oh. we call them mutants
people who got experimented or had some sort of accident
not a lot of them though. most die. their powers are very unstable.

remus
That explains a lot actually. 

sirius
oh good
im assuming you're muggleborn then

remus 
Yep

mary
hell yeah

remus
Ok. That's all I have for now. I'll go ahead and leave the chat. Is it okay if I reach out to you again if I have more questions?

simp #2
nooo don't leave
stay

remus
I’m really not interested in joining the order

simp #2
nobody is saying you have to 
doesn't mean we can't be friends

remus
I guess I’ll stay for now
But like I said im only here because I’m looking for someone
If I don't find him soon I’ll have to move on

lily
are you sure we can't help you?

remus
No, it's really something that only I can do.

lily
ok well if you change your mind let us know!

remus
Will do. 

sirius changed chat name to "moony's new favorite people"

remus

And I think that's my cue to leave

sirius

:(

james & dorcas
17:34

james
hi bestieee
how ya doing?

dorcas
im screenshotting this to send to sirius  

james
i think that would actually kill him
but also
how ya doing?

dorcas
fine?

james
i dunno…
my distressed dorky senses are tingling

dorcas
how so

james
well marlene hasn’t said a single thing today
despite everything that’s happening
and i love you but you seemed cranky

dorcas
i don’t really wanna talk about it james

james
thats fine 
wanna come over and watch a film 

dorcas
depends?
what film?

james
ok hear me out
we order a ton of takeaway and watch both the scooby doo movies

dorcas
that sounds so stupid
i’ll be over in thirty minutes

james
i knew the prospect of seeing velma would lure you in
not to mention the cinematography is beautiful

dorcas
ah yes. velma’s makeover and the cinematography are truly the only reasons to watch the movies

james
this is why you’re my favorite

dorcas
again
screenshotting to send to sirius 

Chapter Text

 moony's new favorite people
9:14

mary
do you guys wanna see me shapeshift into james
i've been working very hard on it
i think it might be my best work yet

dorcas
of course

lily
ooo yes

mary

dorcas
wow

peter
i see no difference

sirius
macdonald you really outdid yourself this time

simp #2
MARY
ARE THOSE MY GLASSES
WTF
IVE BEEN LOOKING FOR THEM SINCE I WOKE UP

lily
omg pls im screaming

simp #2
WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS????

mary
revenge
for ditching breakfast with me and pete

simp #2
i'm sorry i value sleep????
and y'all wanted to go at fucking 8

mary
excuses excuses 

simp #2
peter i can't believe you let her take my glasses
guess i need a new flatmate
lily and sirius can i move in with you?

lily
umm hard pass

sirius
sorry mate
lily and i kinda have a dynamic going that really works for us

simp #2
wow my parents and i take in the disgraced heir of the most notorious villain dynasty
and this is the thanks i get

sirius
sounds like someone is jealous that effie and monty love me more now

simp #2
fuck you

peter
speaking of sirius' former villainous ways
did everyone see the daily mail today?

alice
uh no because who would read that rubbish

peter
me 
i find it funny

dorcas
peter pls elaborate

peter
they did a whole piece on "the missing black heir"

sirius
hey that's me!!!!

simp #2
sure is sweetie

sirius
its nice that they're so concerned about my well being <3
what did it say
did they at least include a good photo of me
gotta admit i looked damn good in black body armor

simp #2
...
your disguise is still all black

sirius
yeah but that one was especially badass

peter
ok but back to giving ME attention
they were basically speculating about your whereabouts
they claim to have spotted you in bangladesh

sirius
too hot
would mess up my hair

peter
but they said
and i quote
"however it is most likely that The Black Heir was killed in an unpublicized fight against arch nemesis prongs"

sirius
WHAT
THEY REALLY THINK THAT JAMES "LOOK IM BASICALLY THE EQUIVALENT OF A BIRD" POTTER COULD BEAT ME???
I COULD TURN HIS ASS INTO A DAMN ROTISSERIE CHICKEN

alice
chickens can't fly

dorcas
still don't understand how they haven't figured out that you're the black heir

sirius
i never used my powers when i was doing my evil shit
convinced wally and ori i didn't have any
they gave me all the fancy weapons instead

dorcas
still
i feel like its obvious

lily
idk its easier for people to think that he's hiding or he's dead. 
they feel safer

sirius
if they knew that padfoot and the black heir were the same person they'd never trust me 

peter & sirius
9:32

peter
mate so apparently the story about you was in response to another story that broke today
i just finished reading up on it
and i didn't know if i should say it in front of everybody else or not

sirius
what?

peter
it hasn't been confirmed 
but they're saying that regulus was captured and sent to azkaban yesterday

sirius
fuck

peter
like i said it might not be true
could just be a bunch of gossip
everything they cited was just "anonymous sources"

sirius
this doesn't make sense
he's never even hurt anyone

peter
hes still working for riddle

sirius
i know
i need to find out if its true

peter
moody would know

sirius & moody

10:07

sirius
is it true?
is regulus in azkaban?

moody
Yes.

sirius
out of everyone you could have gone after
you picked him

moody
He has valuable informaton, because of his family connections. 
It had to be done. 

sirius
bullshit

moody
Do I have to remind you whose side you're supposed to be on Black?

sirius
i just don't understand why it had to be him
you could have gotten bella or lucius 
we gave you rabastian and rodolphus days ago

moody
We aren't in the position to go after Bellatrix or Malfoy right now
Especially with Meadowes' fuck up last month we're down our mvp

sirius
i could take on either of them
easy

moody
Maybe if you would use your powers to their full potential. But you won't. 
Besides I'm surprised you're just finding out now, considering how close you lot are. 

sirius
what do you mean?

moody
Marlene is the one who brought him in

sirius & marlene
11:33

sirius
wtf mckinnon
were you just not going to tell me that you had a mission to detain regulus
(read 11:51)

sirius
no
you ignored all of us yesterday and we were all willing to give you space
but now i know it was because you were bloody fighting my brother
(read 12:13)

sirius
screw you
(read 12:42)

moony's new favorite people
12:51
sirius removed marlene from the group

mary
excuse me
i don't think so 

lily
explanation please????

sirius
she fucking got regulus sent to azkaban

peter
so its true?
he's in azkaban

sirius
yes moody confirmed it

alice
sirius love, your brother is a villain
you knew this was going to happen eventually

sirius
i understand that, i'm not an idiot
its the fact that she didn't even tell me

mary
she probably wasn't allowed
you're not the most trusted person in the order

sirius
wow um ok
idc if she wasn't allowed. we're supposed to be friends

mary
you're not even giving her a chance to explain herself

sirius
i did
she's ignoring me

lily
i haven't heard from her in awhile either
dorcas??

sirius
yeah dorcas
why won't your girlfriend reply to me

dorcas
there's a lot going on right now
lay off her

alice
sirius she'll talk to us when she's ready

sirius
fine take her side

mary
calm down you brat
nobody is taking anyone's side
we just need all the information

simp #2
look pads i know it sucks
but alice is right
he's a bad guy

sirius
he's never hurt anyone
he shouldn't even be in azkaban 
his powers aren't that strong

mary
he destroyed one of our safe houses last week

sirius
an EMPTY one
im not saying he doesn't deserve to be punished
but azkaban is extreme

lily
we aren't necessarily saying that he belongs in azkaban
i think you need to take a breath
and we'll talk later

mary
im adding marlene back
you're acting like a whiney arsehole

mary added marlene to the group

sirius
this is stupid

dorcas & marlene
13:21

dorcas
are you not talking to everyone because of me?
because that's not what i want

13:38

dorcas
look im really concerned about you
i shouldn't have just left like that

14:00

dorcas
im coming over

sirius & james
14:28

james
sirius you can't just do things like that 
that's not how you solve problems

sirius
none of you understand 
i left him there james
this is my fault

james
no
regulus could have made his own choice

sirius
its just
he's my little brother
i should have done more for him

james
you did the best you could

sirius 
yeah i think that was the problem

dorcas & marlene
19:02

dorcas
ok i've been waiting for you here for four hours
im going to assume that you're at the lab
i'll wait

moony's new favorite people
20:25

remus
you guys talk a lot
and argue apparently

mary
just because we love each other

lily
ok we don't usually argue this much though

remus
i'll take your word for it

mary
REMUS
YOU AREN'T USING AUTO CAPS

remus
im trying it out
idk if i like it

mary
awww guys i think remus likes us

alice
why wouldn't he 
we're a fucking delight

remus
you're all very entertaining, ill give you that
but also sorry for not replying a lot
i don't have any data, and the hostel im staying at does not have wifi
so i can only reply when im at hog's head

simp #2
excuse me you're staying at a what

remus
a hostel
i told this to lily
its all i can afford

simp #2
i thought that was a typo and you meant hotel
hostels are places that college students stay on cheap vacations
they aren't a place you live for a month

remus
its really my only option
and its not that bad

simp #2
yeah no 
this isn't happening
pack your shit
im coming to get you 

remus
what

simp #2
you're staying with peter and i
you're like twenty minutes away right?

remus
i barely know you

mary
oh sweet naive remus
let us introduce you to mother hen james

sirius
notorious for taking in strays this one

simp #2
we have an empty bedroom since dorcas moved in with marls a few months ago
its all yours 
the bed is still there and everything

remus
i can't afford to pay rent

simp #2
oh please
you think peter pays rent?

lily
remus
james is bloody loaded
he could buy you your own flat if he wanted to

remus
still
i don't want to take advantage

simp #2
its so cute that you think you have a say in this
im already on my way

alice
just let it happen remus
its easier this way

remus
ok
let me pay you something at least though

peter
you can't 
that'd make me look like a bad flatmate

simp #2
yeah remus think of poor peter

remus
you're all very odd 
do you know that?

simp #2
yes
but to be fair so are you
which means you fit in great

remus
im starting to see that

sirius & remus
21:42

remus
Hey, I'm sorry about your brother. 

sirius
oh 
thanks
nobody has said that yet

remus
Well maybe its because I know the least about the situation.
But he's your brother.

sirius
its just a shitty situation

remus
You're The Black Heir huh?

sirius
surprised?

remus
No.
The way everyone kept talking about you being the son of villains
I connected the dots

sirius
smart

remus
Not really.
You should all stop sharing so much information with me, you barely know me.

sirius
i don't care 
you saved me life

remus
You all saved mine first

sirius
okay well then i guess that just means we're all fantastic people

remus
"Super" even

sirius
oh wow 
you have jokes

remus
I can be pretty funny when I want

sirius
i'll keep that in mind

remus
So, Azkaban?

sirius
its where they keep people with powers
the bad ones
its not a great place to be
they have this tech that drains your powers while you're there so you can't escape
but it also makes you super weak and its very painful
honestly i never really thought about how shitty it was
but now i can't stop thinking about it, and how much pain reg must be in

remus
I’m sorry
Would you like to maybe go get a pint, take your mind off it?
James is a bit smothery so i could use one as well

sirius
yeah that would be nice actually

remus
Ok cool

sirius
sounds good
see you soon

dorcas & marlene
23:41

dorcas
ok im officially freaked out
where are you

23:51

dorcas
alice and peter are on their way over
we're going to look for you

dorcas, alice & peter
24:32

alice
she's not at the lab or hq

peter
i snuck into dumblearse and moody's office
no sign of her being on a mission somewhere

dorcas
guys im scared

peter
how are you just now noticing that she was missing

dorcas
we haven't really been living together the past few weeks

alice
what???

dorcas
at first she just wasn't coming home
then we had a fight, and now im staying with fabian

alice
dorcas why didn't you talk to us

dorcas
its just relationship drama
we were going to work on it

peter
do you think this is just about regulus
she's avoiding us because sirius is mad at her?

dorcas
no
marlene would have talked to sirius if she could
i know that

alice
ok lets all just meet back at my flat
mary will be there, maybe she knows something
if not i think its time we make a game plan

mary & marlene
1:14

mary
marlene mckinnon
reply to me this fucking instant

1:28

mary
if you don't think i will tear london apart to look for you you are sorely mistaken

2:46

marlene
mary, im fine
tell everyone im ok
i have to hide though

mary
why????

marlene
things went sideways with regulus
the death eaters know who i am
like my actually identity
i was sloppy
i should have told you all what i was doing but dumblearse said i couldn't

mary
oh balls ok 
where are you ill come meet you
we can figure this out

marlene
i have to ditch this phone
i shouldn't have held onto it for so long
i'll get another one and work with it so that it can't be tracked but you won't hear from me for a bit

mary
come stay with alice and i
we can keep you safe
dorcas too

marlene
can't risk your covers being blown
especially dorcas

mary
this is ridiculous
you need to talk to dorcas 

marlene
if i do she'd be able to convince me to stay
moody says the death eaters are already looking for me
make sure dorcas stays with fabian
they'll find our flat 

mary
marlene i swear to god

marlene 
i have to go
i'll get in contact as soon as i can

mary
marlene!
(message could not be delivered)

Chapter Text

mary called lily 3:02
call ended 3:08

mary called james 3:09
call ended 3:19

mary called sirius 3:21 (missed)
mary called sirius 3:23 (missed)
mary called sirius 3:24 (missed)
mary left sirius a voicemail 3:27

moony's new favorite people
3:31
mary removed marlene from the group

mary
no point in having her in the group chat anymore 
she already disconnected her phone, the messages will just bounce back

lily
where the fuck is sirius

peter
his phone must be off

james
should i...

dorcas
yes
why is that even a fucking question???

james
ok gimme a sec

lily
mary and alice im omw to your flat

alice
wtf are we going to do

peter
marlene is a technopath
if she doesn't want us to find her we won't find her
she might as well be invisible

lily
that might also be the only thing keeping her safe...

peter
if you go on the internet
its like "marlene mckinnon" never existed
im still at hogwarts and if you look her up in the system she's not even there

dorcas
someone needs to check on her parents
and her siblings
the death eaters will go after them

alice
already took care of that babe
frank is on his way to them

dorcas
thank you alice

mary
what about dorcas??
there were pics of the two of them together all over social media
they could know she is albatross

peter
i think her identity is safe
they’ll just assume she’s a random muggle
like i said marlene already wiped herself from the internet
but the death eaters def at least saw some info before that
all she did was keep them from finding anything else

lily
dorcas u need to go back to fab’s flat and hideout there til we get everything straightened out

dorcas
no way

lily
dorcas i promise the rest of us won’t stop until we find her
but marlene told mary that you need to lay low and i think you should listen to her
btw im outside ur flat now guys

peter
the rest of us need to be careful in the meantime

alice
dorcas you said that marlene hadn’t been coming back to your flat
so where was she going?

dorcas
i thought she was staying with one of you

alice
she wasn’t staying with us

lily 
not sirius and i 

peter
thats also a no for me and james 

dorcas
bloody fucking hell
we’re never going to find her

lily
dorcas don't say that 

dorcas
shut up lily

mary
brb alice and i’s couch is on fire

peter 
what?!?!

mary added peter, james, lily, sirius, and alice to a group
mary changed group name to “so dorcas doesn’t electrocute us ”
3:53

mary
k so dorcas struck our couch with lighting 

peter
welp

mary
so safe to say she is not handling it well

peter
everyone ok?

mary
yeah
lily put her to sleep
al teleported her to fab’s
we got about two hours before she wakes up and all hell breaks lose 

peter
so we need a game plan 

sirius
hi fuck sorry

mary
you’d think a superhero who needs to be ready to go at a moment’s notice would keep his phone on

sirius
how was i supposed to know mckinnon was gonna go all gone girl on us
im adding remus to this groupchat

mary
no
dorcas was right 
what are the odds that marlene’s cover is blown right when we meet him

sirius
oh please not this shit again

lily
mary marlene said that she was the one who messed up 
this isn’t anyone’s fault

mary
how could he even help us??
he hasn’t even spoken to marlene before 

sirius
he says he can help

sirius added remus to the group

remus 
ok so before i get into whatever is happening here
can someone pls explain to me why sirius started talking to himself
and then knew to look at his phone

alice
wait are the two of you together

mary
guess we know why your phone was off sirius...

remus
huh?

sirius
hey
not the time

james
to answer your question remus
there's a reason that sirius and i don't live together anymore
its because he already lives in my head rent free

remus
i have no clue what that means 

lily
jesus fucking christ james
there’s no time for this
remus: sirius and james have a telepathic connection
no, we don’t know why
yes, it does make them excessively more annoying 

remus
ok yeah definitely a lot of questions for later 
but for now let me help you find your friend

mary
no offense but how are you going to do that

remus
im very good at finding people

mary
havent you been looking for the same person for over a month

remus
yes 
and ive gotten closer to finding him in a month than any law enforcement or government agency has in sixteen years

mary
damn
could have led with that…

remus
i’m going to have to ask you guys for something 
and it might sound strange

mary
did we not just tell you that james and sirius have a telepathic connection
i don’t think anything you say could surprise us

remus
ok
well
does anyone have something of her’s i could smell…

mary
um
i take back what i said

remus
yeah
is it okay if i explain later?

alice
god i hate our lives
does anybody else have anything they want to reveal
no? good.
remus is the smelling helpful or a weird fetish thing

remus
helpful
i mostly fancy blokes 
if that makes it better

sirius
that is good to know
for the smelling thing i mean

mary
she left a hair tie over here the other day
does that work?

remus 
it should 
sirius said he can bring me to your flat if that's alright?

alice
don't think we have a lot of other options

mary
if you turn out to be a traitor i will absolutely lose my shit

james
im gonna head over as well

peter
me too

lily
see all of you soon
we're going to figure this out

mary
yeah
i hope so 

Chapter Text

sirius & mary
4:12

sirius
remus and i are outside

mary
ok?
come tf up then.
everyone else is here

sirius
not until you promise not to treat remus like shit

mary
oh my god
why must you act like this

sirius
he hasn't done anything wrong
but suddenly all of you want to make him feel like rubbish

mary
wtf is wrong with you
marlene has been your friend for years
and you care more about hurting this guy's feelings than you do about saving her life

sirius
yeah well
remus didn't get my brother locked in azkaban

mary
you're being thick on puprose
you know she did what she had to do

sirius
she knew that i was going to save him
bring him to our side

mary
you have been saying that all year
regulus did not want to be saved
he was happy where he was

sirius
you know what
im leaving
good luck finding marlene on your own

mary
you selfish prat
the villain part of you is really jumping out rn

sirius
wow
everyone else has more or less forgiven me for that 
except for u
u always bring it up

mary
is this really want you to waste our time doing???
sorry that you used to cause mass destruction but suddenly decided to that "hey, maybe blowing shit up and causing mass hysteria is...not good??"
because james made you see the light through the magical power of friendship <3

sirius
no im not wasting your time 
because im fucking leaving

mary
good
if something happens to marlene because I had to argue with your whiney self centered arse i'll never forgive you

***

Alice had brought everyone tea, but nobody seemed to be too keen in partaking; instead they resigned themselves to staring at their mugs. Mary wondered if they were all thinking the same thing she was. That this was all too reminiscent of the night Gid had died, and Dorcas had lost control of her powers. They'd returned to the flat, beaten down, and barely alive themselves. It had been painfully obvious to them, that the only reason they had survived was because Dorcas' rage had filled the sky with dark clouds and raised the ocean so high that she could have flooded Bromley if Dumbledore hadn't shown up and intervened. 

Mary had just told them all that Sirius wasn't coming. James had been particularly upset by this, but Mary was surprised to see that his anger was directed more towards her. James had always been quick to forgive Sirius, and even quicker to make excuses for him. Mary was usually happy to go along with it. She loved Sirius. He'd saved her life countless times, never failed to make her laugh, and admittedly she did appreciate his ability to start fires because she was quite the fan of s'mores.

However loving Sirius now, did not erase the memories of who he had been before. The pain and fear he had instilled. Maybe that was why it was easier for James. The lives of the people he loved, innocent people, had never been at risk. His parents and friends had all willingly fought the death eaters. Mary's family had no choice but to live in constant terror of people like Sirius and his family. Perhaps that wasn't fair. Sirius had never truly been one of them. Most of his reputation as The Black Heir had been built on rumors spread by his parents, who could never admit that their son did not subscribe to the same ideals as them. The same parents that would rather pretend that their eldest son was dead, than let it be known that he fought for the other side. He had never killed anyone. James would always remind them, like they all should be grateful he never crossed that line. Sure he may have burned down people's homes, but at least he didn't actually kill the family inside. 

There wasn't time to get into this with James though. Just like there wasn't time to try and mend Sirius' guilty conscious. That wasn't her job anyways. Marlene was the priority right now. 

"Where do we even start?" Peter asked. Nobody responded, and Mary wanted to scream. Somebody had to do something, because this was Marlene, and because Mary was fairly certain that they could not go through losing someone again. 

"Are we sure that we should even be looking for her?" Alice asked. 

"Of course we need to look for her!" Mary argued. "Why would you even say that?"

"Because Dumbledore and Moody want her to stay hidden," Alice explained. "I disagree with a lot of what they tell us to do but maybe they're right. How does finding her help her?"

"She doesn't deserve to be alone," Mary said, and she was aware of Lily nodding from where she sat beside her. 

"Mary is right," Lily said. "If she has to go back into hiding after fine, but we need to make sure she's ok."

Alice opened their mouth like they wanted to say something else, but a knock at the door stopped them. Lily stood to answer it, but Mary grabbed her arm. 

"Don't," She warned. Lily struggled a bit, which only made Mary hold on tighter. 

"It's probably Sirius," Lily whispered, finally managing to tear herself away from Mary's grasp. 

James shook his head "Sirius wouldn't knock. Bastard is to bloody entitled."

Lily started to cross the room anyways, "Okay well you know who else wouldn't knock? Someone that was here to try and kill us." Lily continued to walk towards the door, and Mary signaled for Peter to go invisible, and he complied quickly. Mary didn't like their odds if this turned into a fight; especially without Sirius or Dorcas. Peter and Alice were much more defensive players, and James' flight didn't do them much good indoors. Lily's mind control was powerful, but she burnt out quickly; and she'd used a lot of energy putting Dorcas to sleep. She walked over to the kitchen cupboards that she was sure were meant to hold nice china or baking sheets; not the small arsenal that Alice and Mary kept. She passed Alice and James each a blaster; both of which she knew wouldn't jam, because Marlene had designed them herself, and that girl hadn't let her down yet.  

Mary was contemplating what to shift into (she was leaning towards a lioness, because why stray from something that was tried and true) when Lily opened the door. Her body whole body tensed, and it didn't relax when Lily stepped aside to reveal who was in front of her. 

"I'm happy I finally found your flat. Fifth door I've knocked on," Remus greeted them. "I don't think the single mum in 1C was grateful for the early wake up call."

"What are you doing here?" Mary asked. 

"I told you, I'm here to help you find your friend," Remus said, leaning on a cane that he had not had at the bar. 

"But Sirius left?" Mary pointed out. 

Remus raised an eyebrow, "So? Like I said I'm here to help you. What he does is his own business." Mary smiled a bit at this, it was nice to know that there were some people that didn't play into Sirius' tantrums. She only allowed herself a second to feel any kind of affection towards the man, before suspicion set in again. 

"And how exactly are you going to help?" Mary inquired. Lily seemed to take this as permission to let Remus into the flat. 

"Do you mind if I sit down first?" Remus asked. "Leg is killing me." Mary nodded, and she watched Remus start to walk over to the couch before pausing. 

He sighed, "Peter, unless you're the kind of invisible that allows me to walk through you, and I don't think you are, I'm going to need you to move out of my way." There was a long moment in which nobody said anything, but eventually Peter materialized in front of Remus, a heavy candle stick raised in the air. 

"Really Peter?!"Lily scolded.

"How do you do that?" Peter ignored her, lowering the candlestick.

"I've told you," Remus said tapping his nose with his index finger. "I can also hear you."

"But I wasn't making any noise," Peter countered. 

"Your heart is beating isn't it," Remus said, sitting down on the sofa. 

"Wicked..." James said walking over and taking a seat next to Remus. Mary went to sit in the armchair across from them, while everyone stood in the general area. This was partially so that they could listen to him, but mostly to guarantee that they had eyes on him from each angle. 

"So," Remus said, eyes locking with Mary. "The hair tie then?"

mary & fabian
4:40

fabian
any luck?

mary
not yet
peter and james went with remus to look

fabian
the weird new guy?

mary
yup

fabian
why??

mary
uh
he's following her scent

fabian
oh yes of course that is a totally normal thing to do

mary
oh yeah 
we definitely didn't have any questions when he told us

fabian
i hope you all get this straightened out before dorcas wakes up
because you know she is not going to vibe with that

mary
oh god pls do not remind me 

marauders
4:49

james
sirius

sirius
james

james
you know what i'm going to say

sirius
...

peter
mum & dad pls don't fight

james
just stop being a moody git and come help us

sirius
no

james
remus is here
u don't have to defend his honor

sirius
i know he's there dumbarse
doesn't change the fact that mary was being nasty

james
oh boo fucking hoo

peter
uh
maybe now isn't the best time

james
i put up with a lot of the stupid shit you do but this is low even for u

sirius
mmm ok sorry we can't all be perfect prongs

peter
you could be perfect padfoot
the alliteration would still be there
ooo and i could be perfect peter 
the three p's

peter changed the group name to "the three p's"

james
pete PLS
trying to have a serious conversation

peter
a SIRIUS conversation

sirius
bye i can't

james
peterrrrrr

peter
i hate confrontation
can't u just do ur little telepathy thing

james
no that's intrusive
to just pop into someone's mind

sirius
yeah peter smh

peter
ok well there is this thing 
it's kinda similar to telepathy
its called a private message
i recommend you try it out

james
god ok well
we'll do this later
if you know...we don't die because sirius decided to be a prick

sirius
good luck xx

peter & mary
5:21

peter
remus has her scent

mary
that's such a weird thing to say

peter
i know

mary
watch each other's back
still don't know if we can trust remus

peter
we've got it dw
heard from dorcas?

mary
no
she should be awake soon tho

peter
lily going to put her to sleep again?

mary
there's no way we'll be able to get the drop on her again
so this is our one shot to do this w/o hurricane dorcas

peter
uh ok no pressure then i guess

mary
peter
you have to find her

peter
i mean i can't promise anything
but we'll do our best 
even if we can't
i'm sure marlene will be fine

so dorcas doesn't electrocute us
6:06

james
so
marlene has a a weird mysterious storage locker

alice
um
you know
not the weirdest thing to happen today
so i'm not going to react

james
it looks like she's been working on some stuff
im too much of a himbo to know what tho

lily
i don't think himbos can call themselves himbos
so you're just a self aware himbo?

james
lily
are you admitting you find me attractive

lily
uh not sure what made you draw that conclusion

peter
if you two are done flirting...
our friend is still missing...

lily
i am not flirting
if anything im bullying him

mary
ok im pausing this conversation for now
we can revisit james and lily's gross "will they won't they" dynamic later

alice
gross???
i think its cute

mary
is remus still with you guys

peter
i believe he is getting sick outside
i don't fancy going to check though
said something about a headache and feeling very dizzy

james
i think she was sleeping here too
looks like last time she was here she left in a hurry
we're gonna poke around a bit
brb

6:33

remus
marlene and dorcas are a couple right?

mary
yes

remus
well it looks like she's been doing research on how to help dorcas regain control of her powers
but a lot of its missing

alice
missing?

remus
there's a lot of gaps
like things that should be here and aren't 

alice
u think she took it with her

remus
i don't think she left here willingly
her scent is strong, she was just here
but i smell other people 

lily
it's probably moody and dumbledore

remus
they have powers?

lily
yes

remus
than its not them
people with powers smell different than ppl without
its like a faint burning
you all have it
these people don't 

alice
you're saying muggles took marlene?

mary
you're saying muggles took marlene and LIVED

remus
that's what i think

mary
can you track them again?

remus
no im sorry
it'd be painful 
eventually everyones scents and sounds get very overwhelming 
hence the getting sick earlier

lily
ok well if it hurts, then absolutely stop

mary
thank you remus
i didn't realize it was something that bothersome

remus
no its fine i offered
i still want to help
just can't do that

lily
so we need to find where they took marlene

james
and it sounds like we might have to fight

peter 
goody 

mary
fuck
i know what that means...

sirius & mary
6:48

mary
look arsehole i know you're reading the group chat
and im not going to apologize to u because im right and you what u did was shitty on so many levels
but you're a better fighter than most of the ppl in our group
so nows your chance to undo some of your douche baggery

sirius
already omw back to ur flat macdonald

so dorcas doesn't electrocute us
6:52

mary
ok sirius is on his way
and as soon as he gets here al is gonna teleport us to you

peter
sounds good

mary & fabian
6:57

fabian
dorcas is awake
i tried to stop her but she's on her way
she is not happy

mary
oh fuck me 

so dorcas doesn't electrocute us  
6:59

mary
sirius
hurry tf up
dorcas is awake and on her way

peter
shit

james
sirius u better start running

sirius
wtf
alice can teleport to me

alice
oh shit
u right

james
how do u just keep casually forgetting u have superpowers

alice
i dunno

lily
ok well while we were busy having this ridiculous conversation
dorcas showed up

mary
she's about to blow our door off its hinges

alice
so it looks like dorcas will be coming with us
we just have to explain everything to her first
remus she might try to kill u but that's tbd

remus
what did i do???

mary
uh creepily sniff her gf's hair tie with very little explanation
also i just think she doesn't like you

remus
fair 

james
ok we will see all of you soon
god speed everyone

Chapter Text

moony’s new favorite people
peter changed group name to “marlene mckinnon defense squad”

7:20

alice
peter pls

peter
everything is starting to get very serious and i can't deal with it
my anxiety >>>

alice
we all cope in our own ways i suppose

dorcas
you're all lucky im so worried about marlene
or you'd all be dead
especially you evans
putting me to sleep like that

lily
um and id do it again

mary
btw babe u owe al and i a new couch

alice
i already venmo requested u 

sirius
i for one am glad to have you back dorky

dorcas
shut it black 
ur just being nice to me so i don't yell at remus

remus
u can yell at me tbh it doesn't bother me

james
wow 
gem among men this one 

james & sirius
7:24

sirius
OI!!!!
BACK OFF PRAT

james
relax u know my heart belongs to none other than lily evans 
nobody can hold a candle to my woman

sirius
she's not your woman tho

james
soon padwan

sirius
pls if either of us is the padwan it'd be u

james
ya know what
ahsoka supremacy idc

sirius
wait no i take it back

james
nope too late

sirius
booooo

james changed his name to "ahsoka tano"

sirius
oh two can play at this game 

sirius changed his name to "darth sirius"

darth sirius
to be clear do not agree with the nationalism and genocide
but you know darth sidious...sirius

ahsoka tano
its ok i gotchu
also
glad you decided to come back

darth sirius
I may have overreacted

ahsoka tano
no u definitely did

darth sirius
mary was definitely out of line too tho

ahsoka tano
idk what the discussion was

darth sirius
attached screenshot

ahsoka tano
yeah im not reading that rn
we'll circle back when we get marlene back

darth sirius
fair

ahsoka tano
love u tho
big kisses mwah mwah

darth sirius
yuck
*wipes your slobbery snogs off my perfect skin*

marlene mckinnon defense squad
7:28

james
are you guys still going to meet us

lily
we're still catching dorcas up
besides it might be better for us to split up to look for her

james
up to you 

dorcas
whatever makes us find marlene faster is what i want do

mary
the only problem is
we don't even know where to start looking for her. if it was death eaters that'd be one thing we know where they hideout. but if remus was right and it was muggles then we have no idea what's going on.

remus
im right

dorcas
ok but how do u know

remus
because i am 

dorcas
mate idk if we're going to get along
not thrilled at the whole u sniffing my girlfriend's stuff

remus
makes sense

alice
anyways 
why would muggles kidnap marlene
and how did they even manage to do it in the first place

peter
no fucking clue

mary
marlene was hiding from us and death eaters
muggles were the last thing on her mind

peter
still it doesn't make sense
what could they want

mary
i don't know
tech maybe?
wouldn't be the first time muggles tried to militarize 

peter
well we already know dumblearse and moody won't tell us anything if they know what's up

sirius
well you know who might...

lily
ooo ur right

sirius
let me do the honors 

sirius & minnie
7:41

sirius
minnie!!!
my one true love

minnie
What do you need?

sirius
just your hand for eternity and beyond

minnie
Mr.Black, I will block you again.

sirius
one day you will stop denying our love

minnie
Are you drunk?
I'm going back to sleep.

sirius
WAIT
i seriously need your help

minnie
What's wrong?

sirius
i can't tell you all the details
because I don't want to put you in a position where you have to report something to dumbledore
but can you tell me if there have been any muggle villainous activities. 

minnie 
There has. I can't tell you more than that at the moment. It's rising quite rapidly.

sirius
where are they located out of

minnie
You know I can't disclose that. 
Emmeline is leading the task force looking into it. That's all I can say. 

sirius
thanks min
let me treat you to a cuppa to express my gratitude <3

minnie
I'm going back to sleep now. 

marlene mckinnon defense squad
8:02

sirius
al
frank is friends with em right?

alice
yeah
frank and em do most of their missions with fab, doc, and benjy
why?

sirius
attached screenshot

alice
ill shoot him a message and see if he can reach out

mary
i know that we're in a life and death situation
but just to lighten the mood-
did y'all see emmeline's instagram post yesterday
because im head over heels in love with this woman

lily
she's so bloody gorgeous

mary
id trade my powers to look like her

lily
omg 
remus u have not seen emmeline before

remus
idek who she is

mary
just a literal goddess among women

lily
WHAT
HOW DO PEOPLE LIKE HER EXIST
AND JUST CASUALLY POST THIS SHIT
IM FUCKING 
SWOONINGGGG

mary
no no no evans
im calling dibs
back tf off

remus
she is very pretty

mary
everyone calm down-

dorcas
you know who else is pretty
my girlfriend
who might be dead
remember her
looks like this:

mary
aw 
i miss her

sirius
um
photo creds please and thank you

lily
im sorry dorcas
we're just trying to stop ourselves from freaking out
we're not trying to make light of the situation

dorcas
no its okay
sorry i know that im being rude to you all
im just really fucking scared
i don't want how we left things to be ya know
how we officially leave things...

mary
we're gonna get her back
i promise
and i know you aren't supposed to promise that shit
but the world would stop spinning without marlene 

dorcas
this is true

alice
ok
emmeline thinks she has a good guess at where they're keeping marlene
(also that's a bombass photo of em. can we have a photoshoot soon i need some good stuff for the gram)

lily
uh duh

alice
anyways. emmeline said that a couple days ago some of the muggles they'd been observing started working out of a warehouse on rainsford road. they're probably there

dorcas
ok 
lets go

james
dorcas we need a plan first

dorcas
there's no time

james
we have no idea what we're walking into

dorcas
exactly so how tf are we supposed to plan

james
peter and alice will go first
they can scope the place out and they won't get caught
they can let us know what they see, and if marlene is even there
then we go from there 

alice
so i teleport to y'all 
grab petey boy
and then we go to the warehouse 

james
gg

remus
gg?

james
ya know
good game

remus
why use it in this context though?

james
you know
because

alice
peter im omw
we'll let all of you know what we find

sirius & mary
8:21

sirius
hi

mary
we're in the same room dummy

sirius
I know but we probs shouldn't have this conversation out loud

mary
oh god
can we not?
i don't feel like processing emotions rn

sirius
me either
but i feel like we should
if we have to fight I want to go into it knowing you have my back

mary
i always have your back u daft sod
but u have a real selfish streak
and anytime someone brings it up, you turn it around on us and act like we're being unfair to u because of your childhood or whatever

sirius
i can work on that
but I also don't think its fair of you to throw that stuff in my face 
because it was ya know traumatic
like yes it made me hot and quirky but 

mary
that's valid
I apologize

sirius
im also sorry for ditching u guys and acting like a baby

mary
i mean yeah that was fucked
but we can talk about it later

sirius
ok
lily is looking at us weird

mary
ew what if she thinks we're having an adult conversation and making an active effort to work through our differences

sirius
oh no
our reputation will be ruined
quick punch me in the face

mary
bet

marlene mckinnon defense squad
9:11

peter
marlene is here
they have her in the same bindings that they keep prisoners at azkaban
sorry dork but she looks like shit.
we gotta get her out now

dorcas
alice come get me 

james
hold on
peter how many people we got

peter
we've counted 20 muggles 

james
so they outnumber us by 12 then

dorcas
i can handle it

james
you probably don't have to 
pete you can free her right
and then alice can just teleport you both out

peter
should be able to
i just have to find alice first they were snooping around

9:28

lily
updates??

9:36

mary
guys i don't have a great feeling about this

9:47

mary
remus & james we're coming to get you
alice just got back 
turns out there weren't only muggles in the warehouse
lucius was there, he caught alice sneaking around so they had to teleport out quickly
which means peter is still there

remus
is he alright?

lily
as long as he's stayed invisible he should be fine 
but we've gotta go now they'll probably try to move marlene

***

It was all over in fifteen minutes.

Upon seeing the state that Marlene was in, Dorcas had immediately unleashed a strong gust of wind that sent three of the muggles crashing into a wall. James cringed when he heard the loud crack that followed the collision. These were muggles. What they would normally do to just incapacitate their enemies, was deadly to them. There wasn't time for James to internally debate the morality of the situation though. They had all killed before. And none of these people were innocent. That was clear from just a single glance at Marlene. She looked battered, and she could barely sit up straight in the chair that she had been bound too. However James had a strong suspicion that her anguish had less to do with her injuries, and more to do with what she had been bound with. Four months ago, the Death Eaters had managed to replicate the technology used in Azkaban that temporarily drained prisoners of their power. An excruciating process that left those on the reciprocating end physically and mentally exhausted. Moody had fallen victim to it a month ago. Said he had never felt pain like it before.

The rest of the muggles charged them. James could distantly hear one of them calling for Lucius on a walkie. As the muggles inched closer to the group, Sirius created a wall of fire to keep them from getting too close, and gave James some time to come up with a plan. It also kept Dorcas from getting to the muggles and doing any unnecessary damage. 

"Sirius, Remus, Mary!" James called, and then pointed at a group of muggles to the left of them. "You three take that half. Dorcas, Lily, Alice, and I will take the rest." 

The three of them nodded, Sirius waving his hands to create a path through the fire that the three of them could walk through. Mary shifted into her lioness form, launching herself at the nearest  muggle she could sink her claws into. Sirius and Remus trailing behind her, jumping into the fight themselves. 

"Thought we talked about how you weren't the leader Potter?" Lily joked. She had the hood of her disguise up, and James could not see her face from where he stood at her side. That was a shame, he thought. He rather liked the way she smile when she teased him. 

"Desperate times call for desperate measures I suppose," James replied, and began to reach for her. "Ready?"

"Don't really have a choice do I?" Lily sighed. He wrapped an around her waist, and nodded at Alice and Dorcas, who seemed to understand the plan. Alice grabbed Dorcas' hand, and the two of them teleported to the other side of the flames. James on the otherhand flew up and above them, with Lily in tow. 

James said a silent thank you to whatever Death Eater real estate agent picked a warehouse with high ceilings. It meant that James and Lily could stay in the air, one of James' arms wrapped securely around her, the other holding a blaster that he'd use to pick off any of the muggles that attempted to catch any of his friends off guard. Lily was doing the same, and she had significantly better aim than him and was doing most of the work. That was fine. James liked his role. He liked being able to keep her up here with him. Safe. 

Remus was using his cane as a weapon, his superior strength allowing him to easily keep the muggles at bay. Sirius was not using his powers, which was common for him due to the inherit lethality of his fire. Instead he was using a long spear, that he had once confided in James used to belong to his Uncle Alphard. Dorcas appeared to be using more restraint with the muggles than she had before, and Alice was easily evading and sneaking up on them. 

Peter freed Marlene. James had forgotten about him. He had stayed invisible the entire time, and had used the fight as a distraction to untie Marlene; who fell forward as soon as she was loose, Peter appeared in front of her, barely catching her before her head could hit the ground. James watched Dorcas notice the new development, and he blasted the muggle she was currently fighting, giving her the chance to go to Marlene. 

The rest of them dealt with the remaining muggles. Most seemed to realize that they were fighting a losing battle, and dropped their weapons; voluntarily raising their arms above their head. Sirius and Mary started to round them all up, so they were against a wall. It appeared that only two muggles had died. Dorcas had killed one; he had been one of the three that Dorcas had thrown against the wall. James did not know who had killed the other. For all he knew, it was him. He hadn't been paying attention. It made him feel sick. No matter how many times he had to take someone's life, it never got easier. 

James returned to the ground with Lily. He was a bit surprised when Lily did not immediately pull away, instead one of her arms remained snaked around his middle. 

"Good job Evans," James said, and Lily looked over at him. She seemed to realize what she was doing and released him without a word; instead made her way over to Marlene and Dorcas, and James followed her. 

Dorcas had maneuvered Marlene so that she was practically sitting on her lap. It looked like Dorcas was supporting her entire weight. She was stroking Marlene's hair in a soothing gesture. Marlene's eyes kept opening and closing, her complexion looked sickly and pale. It would take awhile for the effects of the bondage to wear off. Once James was close enough, he could hear Dorcas speaking to her softly. 

"It's okay, baby," Dorcas kept whispering. "I'm here now. You're fine, you're fine." James felt like he was intruding on some kind of private moment, but he couldn't just leave them. 

Eventually everyone else joined them. Dorcas looked up at Alice, "Al. We have to get her to Poppy."

Alice nodded, "I can get her there. Can bring back reinforcements to take the muggles into custody." 

"I'm coming too," Dorcas said, her hand hadn't stopped moving through Marlene's hair. Marlene seemed to be more cognizant of what was happening, as she was now reaching up to clutch Dorcas' arm; but she had still yet to say anything. 

Alice opened her mouth, and James expected to hear them reply to Dorcas, but instead he watched as their face morphed into one of agony, and they let out a piercing shriek as they crumpled in on their body shaking as they began to sob

"Alice!" Lily shouted, dropping to her knees so she was sitting besides Alice, tentatively resting her hands on their shoulder.

James didn't even have the chance to be surprised or confused at the new development, because someone began speaking behind him. How had they all forgotten that he was there?

"I'm afraid none of you will be going anywhere." James whipped his head around to see Lucius Malfoy surrounded by a handful of muggles. 

"What the fuck did you do to them?" Remus asked. James was a bit taken a back at the hint of protectiveness, considering he'd only known Alice for a few days. 

"Lucius is a nerve manipulator," Sirius answered for him, he had already raised his spear, and was pointing it at Lucius. "Unfortunately for him, he can only use it once before he has to recharge."

Lucius rolled his eyes. The cocky bastard. The muggles he had brought with him raised their blasters, pointing them at Sirius, Mary and Dorcas. They seemed to know who the fighters of the group were The rest of them didn't move in fear of getting the three of them hurt

"How is my dear cousin?" Sirius inquired, seemingly unfazed. "Still a raging bitch I presume."

"At least she's not a traitor to her family," Lucius shot back. "How does it feel knowing your baby brother is in Azkaban, and your friend here is responsible? Guess even they don't actually care about you."

Sirius lunged at Lucius, but he was lacking in his usual grace and tactfulness, and Lucius easily side stepped him. Still, the threat seemed to anger Lucius, who turned to his squad of goons. "Kill him. Voldemort will be glad to hear that you've been disposed of."

James wasn't quick enough to stop it. The only one who could have been would have been Alice, but by this point they had passed out from the pain. Sirius had the least enhanced durability of all of them, except for Lily who had none. James doubted he would survive it. He could only watch, frozen in place as one of the muggles pulled the trigger. Sirius himself looked resigned to his fate

But the gun just sparked, the shock causing the muggle to drop the blaster. Another muggle quickly tried the same thing, with similar results. It was then that James noticed that Marlene was now standing. Swaying and unsteady; but standing with her hand outstretched. She looked like she had mustered any energy she had to jam their blasters. 

"Fuck you," She panted. Dorcas was looking at her with a mix of awe and admiration. And so much love. 

It didn't matter though. The other muggle didn't have a blaster, just a normal gun. It wasn't tech, so Marlene had no control over it. 

There was a gun shot.

Marlene fell to the ground.

Then the only sound was Dorcas screaming as the Earth shook. 

Chapter Text

BREAKING NEWS: An earthquake has shaken South East London early this morning. Experts have been left baffled by the earthquake, measuring a 5.5 on the Richter scale, the largest tremor in London ever recorded; lasting approximately 20 seconds.The area is currently experiencing power outages, and residents are being urged to remain indoors. All schools are closed for the days. No casualties have been reported. Property damage is still being assessed.

james & moody
10:33

james
moody
we need help 
james sent their location

moody called james 10:50
call ended 11:02

james & frank 
11:49

james
frank, alice got hurt. they're going to be fine, but you should come to hq now they are with poppy.

frank called james 11:51
call ended 11:56

dorcas & poppy
11:58

dorcas
how is she?
(read 12:04)

dorcas
poppy pls
(read 12:37)

marlene mckinnon defense squad
13:21

peter
how is marlene?

dorcas
dunno
poppy won't respond to me
and all the "adult adults" are still meeting

sirius
have you seen remus

dorcas
uh
they're keeping him locked in a different room
dummy dumbles doesn't want him running away again

lily
ooo that's a new one

sirius
ugh that's a bunch of bullshit
they can't just keep him locked up
and they shouldn't be allowed to keep us out

dorcas
minnie barely got them to let frank in to be with alice
im p sure im only here so they can keep an eye on me

james
we could break u out

peter
oh god please no
no more heroics for like
two lifetimes 

dorcas
id rather stay here anyways 
fuck im so worried about marlene

mary
im sure she'll be fine
we got her to poppy quick enough

so dorcas doesn't electrocute us
13:45

mary
yeah not to be morbid
but marlene looked like shit

lily
mary!

mary
what?
i'm not saying we need to start planning her funeral
but we gotta be prepared for the worst
although to be clear, im sure she'll be fine

james
well
luckily sirius and i have connections on the inside 

sirius
oh yeah
i forgot how freaking cool we were 

fantastic(er) four
14:11

the og son
mum

the new and improved son
dad

the og son
dad

the new and improved son
mum

the og son
mum

the new and improved son
dad

the og son
dad

the new and improved son
mum

the og son
i know u guys keep ur ringers on bcuz you're old
so everyone is just looking at u in the meeting

monty
We can't tell you anything that's happening in the meeting boys.

the og son
boo

the new and improved son
I agree
booooooo

effie
oh screw it monty
they deserve to know

the og son
YESSSSS MOM

the new and improved son
are u on your phone in front of dumbledore
because that's so rude
i love u

effie
no i said i had to use the restroom

the new and improved son
eh i still love you

the og son
ok 
spill le tea

monty
Tea?
I don't have any tea right now, and if I did why would I spill it. 

effie
oh monty tea means secrets.
mary taught me that
such a sweet girl

monty
Oh. 

effie
anyways. alice and marlene are both going to be fine. we just got word from poppy.

the og son
hell yeah
i knew everything was going to work out fine

effie
but

the og son
no mum
no buts

effie
they are talking about sending dorcas to azkaban

the new and improved son
WHAT?!?!?!?!?

monty
Dumbledore is concerned. After the earthquake, and the hurricane and in Bromley. Dumbledore thinks that its a miracle she has not hurt anyone.

the og son
we're part of the order too!! do we not get a say in what happens to her?
you can't let them do this

effie
your father, minerva, and i are doing our best to convince them otherwise. 
which is why we should get back in there before decisions are made without us. 

the new and improved son
wait
the other guy that they brought in
remus
what's going on with him

effie
albus won't tell us. the poor dear didn't look to great either. 
i thought he might pass out.
poppy keeps coming in trying to convince albus to let her check on him but he won't budge
won't even tell us who he is and why he's here
do you know who he is?

the og son
honestly
no

james & sirius
14:36

james
we can't tell everyone about dorcas
itd freak them out

sirius
agreed
we'll just let them know everyone is ok

marlene mckinnon defense squad
14:42

sirius
everyone is fine
attached screenshot

mary
thank god
also effie is such an icon
look at her not using autocaps

lily
mary you're obsessed

mary
its not my fault euphemia potter is a milf

james
oh god
can u not

mary
i only speak facts

dorcas
so what are they meeting about?
what's up with the muggles?
did they catch lucius?

sirius
uh
we didn't ask about that

mary
we all know what info u really wanted sirius its ok ;)

peter
pleaseeee
im dead.

dorcas
ok so i guess we just wait until al, marls, and remus get their phones back

lily
marlene doesn't have a phone remember

dorcas
oh yeah
guess we just wait for al and remus then

frank &  alice
17:33

alice
baby
where'd u go

frank
i just popped out to the loo
why is everything ok
i can literally be there in two seconds

alice
minnie came in and gave me my phone back
mmm when i get better we can race again

frank
you'd win
teleportation always beats super speed

alice
facts
anyways I just remembered that marlene doesn't have a phone so she has no way to talk to us
can u go check on her for me

frank
of course
but im coming back soon
not letting u out of my sight al

alice
looking forward to it

frank & 0204663219
17:54

frank
remus, it's marlene
im borrowing frank's phone
im hoping they gave u your's back

0204663219
They did.
How are you doing?

frank
good. poppy is a miracle worker
healing powers and shit

0204663219
she snuck into my room earlier

frank
sounds like her

0204663219
Not that I mind you texting me, but why are you.

frank
this might not be the best time. 
but i think i should tell you, i know u r a mutant

0204663219
idk what you're talking about
im muggleborn

frank
remus please.
its very obvious. everyone else is just thick
it really just took one google search and some poking around
the kidnapped kids in cardiff 15 years ago
fenrir greyback experimenting on them
only one survivor. a boy that dumbledore saved.
you get so tired after using your powers because you aren't supposed to have them in the first place
it takes a toll on your body
and the fact that nobody knows who u are

0204663219
marlene u can't tell anyone

frank
i won't, I promise ill delete this convo from frank's phone when we're done
but i need to ask you something

0204663219
What?

frank
if you're a mutant that means you had to learn how to control your powers right?
dumbledore has it out for dorcas. and its not just because she lost control of her powers, its because she's stronger than him.
something bad is going to happen to her if she doesn't get it back
that's what I was researching in the storage locker. i couldn't do it in the lab because he'd know
do you think you could help her? show her whatever you did for yourself.

0204663219
but then she'd know im a mutant

frank
we'll figure something out
can you please help me out?

0204663219
i suppose.
but can you help me with something.

frank
yes anything. 

0204663219
remember how i said i was looking for someone?
its greyback.
can you use your powers to help me.
i know its a long shot that he has any internet trail

frank
i can try? i can't promise anything though.

0204663219
ok. so its a deal then

frank
thank you. 
also just a question...why is dumbledore acting like he doesn't know who you are?

0204663219
I don't know. I'm sure he has his own agenda. But I'm glad he is

CONVERSATION DELETED

marlene mckinnon defense squad
18:09

alice
hello wankers
im ok

remus
im also doing well

sirius
guys the gang is back together

remus
am i part of the gang now

james
yes whether u want to be or not

remus
oh

dorcas
still waiting for them to let me see marlene

remus
still waiting for them to let me fucking leave

Albus Dumbledore added "james, dorcas, lily, sirius, remus, alice, frank, emmeline, benji, caradoc, and fabian"
19:29

Albus Dumbledore
Hello. There are things we all need to discuss. 

Chapter Text

james added "caradoc, benjy, alice, emmeline, frank, peter, mary, fabian, dorcas, remus, peter, sirius, and lily to a group"
19:34
james changed group name to "gay confusion ft. peter"
19:35

peter
love being the token str8 friend

lily
we have to have at least one

james
i have gathered you all here today to freak the fuck out about the text we just got from dumbledore

emmeline
yeah idk wtf that is

caradoc
omg first of all hi everyone long time no chat
but also yes i am confused

mary
what text

peter
yea i didn't get a text

sirius
huh?

james
oh shit
he didn't add you guys to the groupchat

mary
hold on
albus dumbledore is using group chat to communicate
and i do not get to bear witness????

remus
I don't understand why I was added 
im not part of the order

caradoc
omg wait you're remus
the one who throws heavy stuff
saw u on tv mate
bloody cool

remus
thank you?

emmeline
nice to meet u remus 

frank
^^^^

emmeline
ooo frank how is alice doing

alice
alice is alive and well and capable of texting 
wow that came off kinda snarky
<3

emmeline
that's okay i always support a little bit of sass

dorcas
hello all. marlene is doing good, still phoneless i presume but they are going to let me see her soon 

fabian
yay!

peter
we love to see it

mary
peter why aren't u upset that u were also left out of the group chat

peter
idk im used to being left out of things 

james
AW
PETER
DO U FEEL LIKE WE LEAVE U OUT OF THINGS
IM GONNA COME GIVE U A HUG RN

peter
pls no im good
twas a joke prongs
honestly im fine if dumbledore doesn't want me involved in things for awhile

dorcas
hold up
where's benjy

caradoc
he wants me to let you know that he is currently doing his t-injection and its taking him a minute
absolute wuss about needles this one, so im here for emotional support
reading the texts aloud to him so don't worry he's in the loop

mary 
sending love to benjy needles also freak me tf out

james
we frequently have near death experiences
we had one less then 24 hours ago
how are you afraid of needles

mary
sorry if i don't enjoy being stabbed potter

sirius
mary is anti-vax confirmed

mary
excuse me???

frank
its true she told me herself :(

mary
LIES
BOLD FACED LIES
I HAVE ALL MY JABS

lily
can't believe mary is cancelled

james
how do u remove someone from a group chat???

mary
WHY DOES EVERYONE KEEP TRYING TO REMOVE ME FROM GROUPCHATS
you know what-

mary removed frank from the chat
mary removed sirius from the chat
mary removed lily from the chat
mary removed james from the chat

mary
there
now only the baddest bitches remain

dorcas
happy to still be here

emmeline
truly an honor

remus
i still don't know why im here

peter
remus just let it happen

alice
WAIT
since james and lily are gone
can we talk about them real quick

mary
talking about friends behind their back? that's so baddd
but yes. 

alice
when are they just going to date

peter
its definitely not from a lack of trying on james' part

dorcas
i disagree
james comes on so strong that i don't think lily takes him seriously
she thinks its just a little crush

peter
it is definitely not just a crush
this boy is so bloody gone

dorcas
ooo are we gonna make a scheme
i love a good scheme

remus
why don't they just talk to each other

dorcas
...

mary removed remus from the chat

dorcas
some people say some crazy stuff

mary
soon he'll learn that we thrive on dysfunction here and dysfunction only

peter
so who wants to be part of the get james and lily together squad

emmeline
tbh i already thought they were a couple
so im in

benjy
hello ive arrived and also im down

alice
meeee

mary
me obvi

peter
ill make a group chat later

fabian
guys this is cute
but wasn't there a reason this chat was made in the first place

alice
oh yeah

caradoc
tbh i forgot about that

fabian added james to the chat
fabian added lily to the chat
fabian added sirius to the chat
fabian added frank to the chat
fabian added remus to the chat

sirius
that was so uncalled for smh 

lily
ive never been problematic in my life

dorcas
(weren't u friends with severus snape)

lily
*cries*
i did not know he was a death eater

alice
hi frank!

frank
hi traitor

alice
gASP
are you..
olivia rodrigo-ing me

frank
yes i can finally relate to that song

sirius
stoppp every relationship in the friend group can't be having problems
we need one stable relationship to look up to

dorcas
BITCH
TO SOON

sirius
not sorry

james
BECAUSEEE I KNOW THAT YOU'LL NEVERRRR FEEL SORRYYYYY
FOR THE WAY IT HURTSSS

peter
why do we keep getting sidetracked???

fabian
i have no idea

remus
none of u make any sense to me

james
ok so what do we do about dumbledore

emmeline
um
one of us could try replying to him

james
sounds crazy
but so crazy...that it just might work

remus
...no sense

remus & Albus Dumbledore
20:22

remus
hello albus
im sorry if there has been some confusion, but I am not part of the order, nor do I want to be. so i'll be leaving that group chat. or you can remove me. 

Albus Dumbledore
I'm afraid I am a bit confused. Did you not help save Marlene Mckinnon?

remus
yes but that was a favor. the marauders saved my life. now we are even.

Albus Dumbledore
Well Remus, I would consider this a personal favor. 

Remus
no offense but i wasn't aware that i owed you anything
you rescued me from greyback, then left me alone traumatized with parents who couldn't understand what happened to me. 
sorry if im not jumping at the chance to pay you back

Albus Dumbledore
Allow me to explain the situation to the others. I'm positive you will change your mind. 

Albus Dumbledore, james, dorcas, lily, sirius, remus, alice, frank, emmeline, benji, caradoc, and fabian
20:43

james
uh, what?

Albus Dumbledore
is everyone present?

james
yes, i think
although that's not really how group chats work everyone kinda just reads stuff whenever
but also did you forget to add peter and mary to this?

Albus Dumbledore
Mary Macdonald and Peter Pettigrew will have their own assignments due to their unique abilities.
I will give them full updates via a separate group chat. 

james
aren't we still just
going after death eaters?

Albus Dumbledore
Things have become much more complicated. We weren't sure about the new developments until Marlene Mckinnon was kidnapped. However, now we can say with certainty that the Death Eaters have begun to recruit Muggles. 

james
that literally makes no sense though. the death eater's whole mission is to eliminate muggles.

Albus Dumbledore
Voldemort and the other Death Eaters have realized that they are greatly outnumbered. So they have begun to promise powers to those who follow them.

james
that's not possible?!?!?

lily
i mean...it is technically
mutants do exist.

Albus Dumbledore
Precisely. It appears, that Fenrir Greyback has resurfaced. He has unsurprisingly, sided with the Death Eaters. He has to continued to allude our capture. 

lily
the psycho that kidnaps children and experiments on them??

Albus Dumbledore
I'm afraid so. I'm sure that he is excited to have more...willing participants. 

lily
that's insane
wasn't he the only one who survived his own experiments
who would willingly sign up for him to do his weird science projects on them

Albus Dumbledore
He was not the only survivor. While yes most of the children died, one did live. He is promising all recruits that during the time he's been in hiding he has perfected his technique. We can't be sure whether or not he is being truthful. It appears, that a majority of Voldemort's recruits are members of Muggle law enforcement from across the world. We can't bet sure exactly how many, but the number continues to grow. 

lily
i can't believe it

Albus Dumbledore
People in power always want more power, Ms. Evans. At this point, it is safe to say that we can no longer rely on the Muggle police for any assistance. 

frank
i mean...they weren't really on our side to begin with 

Albus Dumbledore
This raises the threat significantly. Up until now, most of you have been tasked with recon missions, whilst the more senior Order members have been entrusted with tactical missions. As of now that will change.

sirius
well its about bloody time

Albus Dumbledore
I would not be too eager Mr. Black. You will all be asked to make much harder choices than before. 

sirius
we can handle it. 

Albus Dumbledore
That is yet to be seen. However, we can afford to keep you all on the sidelines anymore. Ms. McKinnon was admittedly a test run of sorts with her mission to apprehend Regulus Black. While she did manage to bring him in, she made crucial errors that could have cost her her life, and now her identity is known to the Death Eaters. I can not guarantee that some of you will not find yourselves in the same situation. You are optimistic, but inexperienced. 

dorcas
hold up
you knew that mission could go badly but you sent marlene anyways
as a test?

Albus Dumbledore
It was necessary, I'm afraid. Ms.McKinnon was aware of the risks and chose to proceed. 
You all have a choice to make of whether or not you want to continue. You may let me know directly whether or not you wish to proceed. 

remus & Albus Dumbledore
21:31

remus
you're going after greyback

Albus Dumbledore
The plan is to bring him in along with the other Death Eaters, yes. 

remus
me. i'm the one that gets him. that's the deal. 

Albus Dumbledore
That can be arranged son. In fact, it was the idea. 

remus
ok
im in

gay panic ft. peter
21:36

sirius
wtf
where does he get off?

lily
he's fucked

mary
uh, hello
some of us are feeling very excluded 

caradoc
attached screenshot (2)

mary
our unique abilities??

peter
ugh.
i was hoping he just thought we weren't good enough to be part of the inner circle
no offense mary

alice
lol
i hate this
so in order to do good, we have to do it on his terms

dorcas
of course
you heard the man
"people in power always want more power"

james
so
anyone else fancy a pint?

Chapter Text

gay panic ft peter
1:05

lily
ok
so em understood the fucking assignmenttttt

mary
SHIT
POP OFF EM

dorcas
wait were we supposed to look cute
marls and i are almost there and i look like this

mary
I look hot tbh
tryna pull tonight

caradoc
mary you almost died less than 24 hours ago

mary
exactly
i deserve this

james
peter and i are here

benjy
doc, lily, em, fab and i are outside

james
we see u

emmeline
hurry
its bloody cold out here

sirius
just go inside

lily
what if we can't find each other inside.

caradoc
shit is it packed?

lily
the three broomsticks always is

dorcas
marlene wants me to let you all know that she expects everyone to dance

peter
i can't believe she's coming 

dorcas
nothing can keep my girl from her tequila shots

alice
i will not be dancing i apologize
i am still very tired
so i will be cuddling frank in a booth

sirius
gross

alice
excuse me
no
remember when lucius malfoy manipulated every nerve in my body?
u can all put up with pda

frank
i personally am not opposed

dorcas
we're here

alice
frank and i are also about to make our grand entrance
and by that i mean appearing out of nowhere because we're cooler than all of you

sirius
also walking up now

emmeline
bless
im going inside

peter
is remus coming?

james
he hasn't said anything

lily
REMUS

sirius
REMUS

the three p's
1:21

sirius
if remus doesn't come ill cry

peter
mate-

james
i-
is this becoming an issue

sirius
excuse me
this coming from you
the hypocrisy

peter
you're both a lot
neither of you can talk shit about the other
i on the other hand can do whatever I want
sirius you're being weird

sirius
no

peter
yes
im gonna need you to stay twenty meters away from remus at all times

sirius
so he is coming???

james
oh my god

peter
nonono
nothing from u

peter added emmeline, alice, benjy, and mary to a group chat
1:30
peter changed chat name to "sexy bitches that want their friends to date but not in a gross way"
1:30

benjy
very long name but incredibly accurate

emmeline
are we starting tonight??

mary
i can't wait to meddle in their lives
god shit ya know

alice
may i suggest
convincing lily and james to be the designated sober mates of the group tonight

peter
explain yourself fortesque

alice
they'll have to bond
over corralling our drunk arses

emmeline
*sigh*
wellllll i guess ill get shitfaced if i have to
but only for love

benjy
yeah twist my arm i guess

mary
a man literally bought me a drink when i stepped in here
so y'all are already behind

peter
damn ok
operation: "make lily and james our mum and dad for the night" is a go
honestly have no idea if this is a good or bad idea
but we shall see

mary & lily
1:41

mary
hey babes

lily
what's up

mary
were u planning on drinking tonight

lily
maybe like one beer
whyyyy

mary
just wanted to make sure at least someone was gonna be at least somewhat sober lol

lily
you can count on me
its my sole purpose in our friend group
to be the boring one

mary
shut your gorgeous fucking mouth evans
ill have none of that 

lily
mhmmmm

mary
im coming to find u now
we're dancing

lily
*hides*

the three p's
1:44

james
im buying first round
text drink orders

sirius
OOOO
CAN WE DO SHOTS???

james
um of course we can

sirius
fuck yeah

peter
typical
the two of you get sloshed
and i have to babysit :(((

sirius
wormy
we are ALL doing shots

peter
someone has to stay somewhat sober thooo
we are each other's rides

sirius
but alice could just like
teleport us
or is it bad to drink and teleport
idk?

peter
alice has just had such a rough day though
they deserve to have a nice night don't you think

james
very fair wormy
tell u what
ill get the two of you shots 
and get myself something to nurse for the night

sirius
awww lame
but ya know what drunk padfoot and wormtail is a rare duo
so maybe this will be fun

james
that's the spirit
k heading to the bar 

dorcas & mary
2:09

mary
tell marls she looks really fucking hot for a girl that almost just died
like damn

dorcas
she says thank u 
& to come talk to her
so you're not talking through me

mary
when does she get a new phone

dorcas
tomorrow
gonna make it so the deatheaters can't track her
she'll still have to be in semi-hiding
but the deatheatetrs know who sirius is too and they don't actively go after him

mary
but they did go after marlene

dorcas
yea because she was being nosy
i think if she lays low
she will be okay

mary
hmmm
ok
as long as my new contact photo in her phone is hot
ill send her options 

dorcas
I think she should use this:

mary
OI DELETE THAT

dorcas
COME MAKE ME

mary
...
kinky
omw

dorcas
;)

sexy bitches that want their friends to date but not in a gross way
2:56

alice
the plan is working

benji
is it?

alice
yes
look at them bonding 

mary
idk if they are bonding
james looks like he's trying to hold sirius upright while lily ties his hair back 
he's probably about to hurl

emmeline
just think
this is the story they'll tell their children

peter
"you see kids, one day we had to take your uncle sirius to the hospital to get his stomach pumped..."

mary
deadddd

benji
too be fair
i can't make fun of sirius
im also pretty gone at this point

the three p's
3:15

sirius
SCREEECHHHH

james
SCREEECHHHHH?!?!?!?!?!

peter
too drunk and tired for this

sirius
remus is here!!!
talking to frank and alice
and the bastards didn't tell meee

james
he's been here for like thirty minutes

sirius
BETRAYED BY ONE OF MY OWN BEST MATES
PRACTICALLY MY OWN BROTHER

james
i literally told you when he showed up
do u not remember

sirius
...
i have a confession to make
i might be a little drunk

peter
same

james
well
you have like forty minutes to go talk to him before the bar closes

sirius
that's not nearly enough time for me to work my charm!!!

james
ummm as drunk as u are i don't think there will be any charm involved

sirius
you wound mee
watch and learn

sirius & alice
3:27

sirius
im about to come join your conversation with remus
and i need u and frank to find an excuse to leave

alice
ummmmmm
bold of u to assume i like you enough to do that

sirius
le gasp!
alice do you not like me
ill cry

alice
im joking idiot
but yes we were about to go home anyways

sirius
hell yeah!!!
also no matter what happens tell prongs and Wormtail I had hella game

alice
psssstttt i'm not a liar

lily & james
3:54

lily
well potter it seems we are the only sober ones remaining

james
looks that way
spose we should start rounding the kids up before the bar tenders throw us out on our arses

lily
do you have a headcount

james
frank and al left awhile ago
mary has disappeared into the night, as she does.
but she wasn't too drunk so she should be good

lily
ill shoot her a text just in case but she probably pulled as she intended

james
and I think benji, doc and fab left like ten minutes ago

lily
k so that leaves sirius, remus, peter, em, marls, and dorcas?

james
well I can take peter and remus since we're going back to the same place obvi
em's flat is on the way so she can come w/ us

lily
marls and dorky can just spend the night at me and sirius' place
probably safer for a lot of reasons (death eaters and intoxication)

james
on a scale of 1-10 how hard do u think its gonna be to tear sirius away from remus

lily
id answer but i think that question broke the scale :(

james
i know we've been through a lot in the past 24 hours
but i think getting these lunatics home in one piece will be our biggest challenge yet

lily
sounds to me like a celebratory brunch later will be an order

james
if everyone isn't hungover lol

lily
i was actually thinking just us maybe
if that's cool?

james
yeah ofc

lily
im just p sure they'll all be tired/feel gross anyways

james
you're probably right

lily
also really want to talk about the whole dumbledore ultimatum with u

james
yeah no that's totally fine!!

lily
ok well we should get going then

james
ugh
this isn't going to be fun.

Chapter Text

gay panic ft peter
11:12 am

mary
morning loves
how are we feeling

sirius
bleh

mary
smh nobody cares

sirius
what-
you literally asked????

mary
i was asking anyone but you 

sirius
why????

mary
idk
your well being doesn't matter to me
(joke)

sirius
is it a joke mary???
is it???

mary
...

sirius
suddenly i wish i was drunk again

alice
boo no bickering in the morning boooo

mary
ALICE

alice
MARY

mary
hi!

alice
hi :)

sirius
you guys live together
go talk to each other

alice
excuse me 
one of us didn't come home last night stfu

mary
al way to expose me smh

alice
MARY PLS
I WAS TALKING ABOUT ME
IM AT FRANK'S
WHERE R U????

mary
no comment

james
ooo tea

mary
i told y'all last night
i was gonna pull
and i did
i never fail a mission 

sirius
come over

mary
ew no
not the "come over" text
i don't like you like that

sirius
fuck you
i mean come over i feel like arse and we're out of paracetamol

mary
u have a whole roommate 

sirius
lily has abandoned me
she's not here

mary
damn that sounds like a you problem

sirius
mary pls

mary
ugh fine
im walking by your flat anyways

sirius
ilysm

mary
liar

sirius
no really
i do
u own my heart

mary
sure

peter
hehe
that's pretty heterosexual of y'all 

mary
OI
NOT THE HOMOPHOBIA

peter
NO 
I WAS MAKING A JOKE

sirius
smh if mary and i were in a relationship
(and we'd be a hot couple btw)
we'd still be queer

peter
I WAS JOKING

mary
says the hetty

lily
god not the tumblr discourse at 11 in the morning

sirius
LILY
where are you???
im dying!!!!

lily
so dramatic...
im out

sirius
out where?

lily
none of ur business

sirius
*gasp*
anyways i just noticed that this was the group chat with EVERYONE 

mary
ope
everyone i apologize for hungover sirius
he becomes a different brand on whiny brat 

frank
its ok
alice isn't any better

alice
hey :(

frank
don't frowny face me
you're cranky rn and u know it

alice
I don't like being EXPOSED frank

mary
i mean we all already knew this about u al

james
yeah it really do be common knowledge

frank
BUT I LOVE CRANKY ALICE SO ITS OKAY

alice
bleh

lily
why is everyone here so emotionally stunted smh

emmeline
maybe having superpowers has made us feel so unrelatable and lonely that we feel undeserving of love

mary
wow
well
good morning em

emmeline
teehee

caradoc
not to change the subject, but has anybody responded to dumbledore

sirius
psst no
because wtf was that

mary
^^^^

frank
al and i talked about it and we're gonna help

alice
yeah i mean what's the other option
let deatheaters take over the world?

peter
is it deatheater or death eater

emmeline
definitely death eater

peter
i feel like it'd be better as one word

dorcas
ok peter why don't you let the death eaters know that the next time you see them

mary
gmorning dork

dorcas
hello
oh that reminds me 

dorcas added marlene to the chat

mary
YAY

benjy
10/10 agree with the yay

marlene
hehe got a new phone the death eaters won't be able to track

caradoc
i think im gonna help dumbledore too
no other option like frank and al said

sirius
couldn't we just help on our own

fabian
i mean he's the one with the resources 

sirius
"resources" 
does anyone know what that actually means

remus
it means he's a bullshit manipulator
but you're all right, if you want to help it has to be with him

mary
gross