Archive of Our Own ^beta

The rays of sunlight peeked through the windows and curtains of Soonyoung's bedroom— completely illuminating over his face as he lay in bed.. its warmth not enough to take away the coldness he's been feeling inside.

Hair disheveled, eyes swollen with obvious bags underneath... dark circles surrounding it as he takes heavy slow breaths, shirt crinkled up like his sheets. He looks like shit. He feels like shit... and the worst part of it all— he's hurt. Broken.

Instead of being met with a shower of kisses, warm hugs and the smell of coffee and breakfast from the kitchen, Soonyoung was met with nothing but an empty cold space on his bed and a whole lot of feelings he can't simply get rid of.

Instead of being met with the familiar addicting scent of minty coconuts and baby powder, Soonyoung was met with the cold air and the scent of his own cologne mixed with the smell of the boxes of takeout from last night scattered on his desk in the corner of the bedroom. It wasn't a bad smell but it's still different from what he was used to. 

Senses are awake but his eyes remain closed shut as if he's waiting for something. Waiting for someone to be exact... but reality sucks. That someone doesn't come to greet him good morning with such a sweet yet raspy voice, telling him to get up cause he still has work or the simple snuggling of his body against that someone because he loves cuddles a tad bit too much. 

It's all nothing now. It's gone. 

Soonyoung slowly flutters his eyes open, blinking a few times to clear his vision up as he sees nothing but the rays of sunlight peeking from his curtains, kissing his face making him squint his eyes from the brightness of the daylight. 

He was met by the sight of his messy bedroom, scattered sheets of crumpled paper on the floor and the gray furry carpet, pens as well scattered rolling on the floor and clothes thrown around. He sits up on his bed alone in the king sized space, his room nothing but cold and.... less lively. He's alone now.

Soonyoung sighs heavily as he runs his fingers through his messy hair, adjusting his oversized shirt on his body, falling slightly over his shoulders . He looks around once again, it's colder than most days and his home doesn't feel like it. Wanting to be numb of all sadness and pain, he just wished it doesn't have to be like this... but of course reality doesn't work that way. 

It's just then that he languidly peels the covers off his body, his phone pings on the beside table notifying him that he just got a message. His attention diverts to the phone facing down on the table by the night light, he's partly hoping and isn't at the same time.

When he reaches his hand out to get the phone, needless to say of course he was disappointed that it wasn't who he wished it was. 

devil wears prada😈

>get up
>I'm outside

didn't ask<

>called you in sick for today now open tf up

again. didn't ask<
I'm not in the mood han<

>boo you whore
>I don't take no for an answer

fuck off jeonghan<

>soonie, until when do you plan to be like this??

idk okay? just leave me alone<  

>I just don't want you to leave yourself like this like srsly....

thanks but I don't need it<  

>soonyoung.....

you're late han, I'll just see you at work in a few.<

 

Soonyoung drops the phone beside him and sucks a sharp breath of air, rubbing his face with both his hands. He hasn't even gone through today and it's already got him feeling shittier than most days. He hates it whenever people make him feel like he's weak and broken like he doesn't know. He hates looking all pathetic in front of everybody and that's led him to keep everything to himself. 

Getting up from his bed, feet pressing on the cold floor and pattering as he makes his way to the bathroom, leaning over the counter of the sink and staring at his reflection realizing how messed up he looks all because of this stupid heartbreak that just can't simply go away with a blink of an eye. 

He looks at his oversized shirt that the collar slipped down by his shoulder exposing the paleness of his skin. Reaching for the hem of the shirt and bringing it up to his nose to sniff the scent and nothing breaks his heart more than the oh so familiar scent he will never get tired of and the scent he misses. "Mingyu." he laughs foolishly to himself sarcastically as if he was going insane. 

Soonyoung completely pulls it up over his head and onto the laundry basket alongside his underwear and heads on over the shower. Letting the cold water flatten and wet his hair till it trickles down to his body sending a shiver down his spine letting it pour and wash his body wishing that his feelings went down with it and to the drain. 

He goes to work with the languid energy, looking so tired and lifeless as he holds the folders in his hand, languidly making his way to his own office. All eyes shocked to see him walking in the halls of the interior department of the firm and he hears whispers from the others but then Soonyoung could care less of what they say about him. He doesn't have the energy to tell them to fuck off so he walks further and past the whispers and chatters. 

First thing when he enters his office... he was met with no one else but Jeonghan, standing by the door as if he was waiting for Soonyoung's arrival with that worried expression on his face and it only ruins more of his day. He hates that look every single time he tries not to dwell on it all even if it's affecting his routines, habits, health and his whole personality. 

"Don't... Jeonghan-" Soonyoung was cut off with Jeonghan's arms being thrown over him, engulfing his figure in a tight hug that he assumes to be some comfort- but of course... it doesn't help the weight of the pain he's feeling and the amount of pain it's been causing him. In all honestly it gets worse~ it makes him want to break down and cry and go back to his apartment just to keep on dwelling in his own pain, finding nothing indulging except his tears soaking his pillow at night before going to sleep... but Soonyoung doesn't do it. He doesn't break down and cry. 

Instead of bawling his eyes out and letting himself be so vulnerable in front of his friend, he stays stoic about it but his hands ball into fists until his knuckles turn into a sheen of white and he feels the painful pressure of his nails digging crescents onto his palm- not even returning the gesture and just standing there stiffly while his broken heart is being torn and shredded into pieces than it already has been as he is being constantly reminded that he is hurting inside and out.

Soonyoung hates it with a burning passion. It's already doing him bad in the worst ways... he doesn't need to be reminded. It's disheartening to be honest.

Instead of looking forward to working today and hearing about different gossips about the society, he's met with his co-workers gossiping about him and how he got his heart broken after 2 years worth of a relationship. It's the other journalists being rude now. He should probably write a whole article about his break up just to shove it in the other journalists' faces.

It annoys him. He can hear their 'whispers' from afar.

"I heard they broke up cause of his attitude."
"Isn't it because his ex found someone else?" 
"Or maybe he found someone else?"

Wrong. 

It isn't any of those reasons at all... however, thinking about it- what was the actual reason why they broke up in the first place?

All he remembers is the other called it off and he agreed to it; scared of the pain it would cause him if he still held on and tried to save it.

But he's still holding on, he just feels numb about it~ scared of letting the reality sink in on him and probably strike him right wherr he knows it'd hurt the most.

Jeonghan pulls away, the same worried look doesn't falter from his face as his eyes scan Soonyoung's stoic expression. "You don't look well. I told you to stay back." a bit of anger bubbles up in his chest as he hears those words and choice of tone but he thankfully doesn't lash out on the elder. "Did I get an approval from Wonwoo after sending the report last Thursday?" is all he asks, completely ignoring the pitied look he was receiving, fists slightly shaking on his sides. 

A silence hangs as the elder is bewildered with the complete ignorance of his genuine worry towards the younger. "Soonyoung...." Jeonghan's expression softens more and it's getting on Soonyoung's nerves as he repeats the question he asked a few seconds ago. "Did I get an approval from Wonwoo after sending the report last Thursday?" 

Soonyoung truly appreciates it that Jeonghan is genuinely worried for him, but today is one of those days where he wished the elder isn't up on his personal matters.

Jeonghan could only answer. "Yes. He said to have it as a headline for the April issue." upon those words it somehow brings relief to him— the tension on his shoulders dissipates a little but it's still there. "I'll be having his revisions today and finish editing within this week." he states monotonously  as he finally moves from where he and Jeonghan stood~ heading to where his desk is located and where workloads of unfinished editing of articles and newspaper contents. 

Upon those words, the elder freaks out. "Are you crazy!? Within this week!? The month isn't even about to end, Soonyoung. You're literally putting your brain in riot." following Soonyoung and crowding him over the other side of his desk, leaning his arms on the empty space of the desk.

Soonyoung's had enough. It makes his head hurt more and he explodes. "And who gave you the right to call me in sick for work when I didn't ask you to? As long as I know Jeonghan, you have far more important businesses than to get in mine except for journaling!" the news anchor is taken aback when a few eyes suddenly fall towards their direction. 

Jeonghan is standing there speechless as he looks down at an angry Soonyoung... but then their small fight is interrupted when he hears the familiar voice of their head editor and news director Wonwoo calling his name. "Soonyoung!" he's walking out the glass door of his office, round glasses perched over the bridge of his nose— white dress shirt tucked in his jeans, almost halfly buttoned up while he has his sleeves folded and rolled halfway his forearms.... his hot nerd look as always. 

When he reaches his desk, Wonwoo frowns and insults the elder. "You look like shit." and judges his choice of clothing at work today. "And what's with the baggy pants? I thought you only wore them at home." he eyes the tired look on Soonyoung's face. "Thanks, Won." is all he says, smiling sarcastically at the younger and diverts his attention back to the gadget in front of him but how can he focus when the guy is in talkative mode today. "Didn't you call in sick today?" the taller asks, tilting his head in confusion when he realizes that he was sitting on his desk, scrolling through the emails in his work computer and trying to focus on reading them.

"There's no such thing in journalists job, Wonwoo. You know that." he mutters out, swollen and tired eyes roaming through the unread emails, studying them one by one.

Jeonghan rolls his eyes as Soonyoung and Wonwoo are immersed in their own conversation. "And you are not wrong my dear friend... but if you're going to show up at work like you've lost custody over your children and you got hit by a truck, I suggest you take at least one day to rest." his tone a bit teasing but the sincerity is there— he knows that Wonwoo is giving him a pitying look and he doesn't want to see it.

He hates it.

"What I was saying." Jeonghan chimes in, glaring at Soonyoung who's still busy sat on his chair, reviewing reports, making reaearches and reading emails even with his brain not working properly, he completely ignores the news anchor.

Stupid heart break, he thinks. 

Soonyoung starts to get annoyed once again as he hears Wonwoo blabber to him and bully him like their usual dynamic since 9th grade. "Look at yourself, Soon. You look like a sad baby chick." he knows that Wonwoo is just trying to make the mood lighter but it doesn't help at all— bringing him to retort "No offense, Wonwoo... but even though you're smart as hell, your jokes are fucking lame." he hisses at the younger, rubbing his face frustratedly as he tries to ignore two of his friends crowding and cornering him. "I'm sorry but can you two like... get back to your own matters and fuck off a bit? You both literally have a news report that you should be studying for laters evening news and you should be setting up already." the frown on his face doesn't dissipate even though he puts his mind into other matters.

Wonwoo sighs. "Gee, you act more of a boss than I am." then he gives Jeonghan a knowing look, smiling bitterly as he gestures the elder to give him some space in which they finally and respectfully give him.

He finally has a bit of space to breathe and try to focus on his own work to get his mind off the things that he doesn't want to dwell on.

The day ends...

Soonyoung leaves late for work alongside Wonwoo and Jeonghan.

He's forced out of his chair by the two as Wonwoo is saving the edited article that they're about to publish in a few weeks from this day. 

"Come on, Soonyoung. You've practically had your face stuck on the computer all day and you didn't even take any breaks!" Jeonghan complains, spinning the chair to make Soonyoung face him, the news anchor tries glaring into his soul to get him out of that chair and listen to him but it doesn't work.

As usual, he's still stoic and a bitch about it— ignoring two of his friends blabber and scold him from overworking and starving himself.

Soonyoung turns away from Jeonghan and onto Wonwoo. "Get away from my work computer Jeon Wonwoo, I have unfinished editing to do." 

Mentioned latter gasps in disbelief, exaggerating his reaction with an offended look on his face, hand resting over his chest. "That's such a rude thing to say to your boss." 

Jeonghan watches as the two best friends bicker in amusement and worry that they might be throwing hands later on when their bickering prolongs.

"You're the one benefiting from my work if I would remind you— and stop with special treatment, you literally treat me here like how you treat anybody else." Soonyoung rolls his eyes to the back of his head.

The news anchor chimes in their conversation. "There's no one around anymore, it's literally 8pm." making the director look around and nodding when he's sure that he sees nobody around.

Suddenly, the air around them thickens and it's getting hard to breathe for Soonyoung.

He's not sure if it's the hunger or it's the headache he's been having since this morning but it's taking some odd effect on him.

It possibly can't be the heartbreak... right?

Jeonghan and Wonwoo's voice coming out as a mere echo and rings his eardrums— the ticking of the huge clock on the wall gets louder and it's irritating his hearing senses... head feels like it's pounding painfully.

It makes Soonyoung jolt up from his seat and it startles the other two standing next to him. "I- I need to go." not even finishing what they were saying— he runs out.

His two friends chase after him, calling his name out but it's no use.

Soonyoung needs to get out, he needs some air to breathe and some space to just do nothing and think although that's what he's been doing a lot this whole time.

His chest feels a pressure weigh down as if it's trying to make his heart hurt. It's irritating him.

He wants to scream and cry out from this odd pain that's making him feel things that he shouldn't even feel.

He wants to get rid of this heartbreak that's probably causing the headache and the pressure on his chest.

Soonyoung hasn't had a good cry over it since the day his ex lover had called it off— but he yearns for the younger's affection every single day when he had left the house with a bag of his things, feeling colder than it was as every minute passes.

He thinks he's strong enough that he doesn't cry about it. But later on did he know the tears would've gotten him a little better.

It's not a good thing that he bottles them up.

So he runs... he keeps on running to wherever his feet takes him.

Running out of the building and onto the sidewalk, letting the wind harshly slap past his face as he heaves slow but heavy breaths.

Soonyoung goes... he goes where his feet takes him unconsciously, crossing roads and hearing the horns of the car beep at him, some driver cursing him for being so reckless asking if he knew how to cross a road.

He could give less fucks about that.

Soonyoung needs to get away.... he doesn't know where but he just needs to get away from people.

Feeling his legs and calves burn and alongside the rush of adrenaline in his veins... he runs past people not caring about anything but where his feet takes him. 

Little did he know his feet would take him where it all would hurt him the most.

Three years ago

It was a busy Thursday noon when Minjoo, Soonyoung's elder sister had sent him to pick his niece Haemi up in the nursery three streets away from his workplace and let him stay in his house until his sister is finished with her day shift at the hospital...

It's one of those days when Soonyoung is too into writing his report for the newspaper that he forgets his duties outside of journalism.

That's until he looks up at the clock and he notices it's read as 4pm and Wonwoo pages him to remind that he's supposed to pick his niece up at the nursery around 3pm. 

"Fuck." Soonyoung hisses under his breath, jolting up from his seat and running towards the elevators leaving his article behind his cubicle. 

Wonwoo can either scold him for forgetting his duties as more than a journalist or save the article for him when he comes back later with his niece and brushes it off like nothing happened— but he doubts it since his best friend is very fond of Haemi and the child would defend Soonyoung whenever she witnesses the two bickering in the office.

Soonyoung always would stick a tongue out at Wonwoo whenever his niece dissed his boss / best friend. 

He is running towards the lobby's exit and out of the building, rushing to the sidewalk and onto the street, his foot tapping impatiently on the solid concrete beneath hom as the traffic light counts down till the pedestrian lane is available to cross on.

When the light goes red and the crossing sign flashes green... he speed walks, past and along the people rushing to either go somewhere or home.

Soonyoung is mentally slapping himself and is cursing himself under his breath, completely scolding his consciousness as he walks to another crossroad away from the nursery... Minjoo is going to kill him.

He's definitely gonna get it from Minjoo but he'll save it for later. He needs to get his niece— hoping that the child isn't crying and asking for him or his mother while the teachers are either counseling the child or just walking past her.

Please please please.... Soonyoung hopes it's not what he doesn't wish to happen.

He runs, lucky enough that the third road hadn't counted down to a red crossing light or else he would've been later than ever.

Finally.... he finally gets to the nursery, sweat forming on his temples as he stops at the playground, crouching down and leaning on his knees to catch his breath.

"Haemi-yah." he grumbles, raising his head to look for the child that he's supposed to pick up earlier than now.  

Soonyoung sighs out in relief as he looks up and finds what he's been looking for.

Thank goodness...

He can breathe well knowing that the child is fine and that he wouldn't receive a beating or scolding from his sister.

Turns out the child isn't crying when he spots her sitting on the bench just across the playground, her legs swinging back and forth as it hung over the edge of the wooden concrete.

Beside Haemi is a stranger who's talking to her with adoring eyes. 

Tall handsome guy in a suit and tie, carrying around a black leather briefcase— his hair is styled neatly with a clean slick back combed hair.

It somehow scares him that the child isn't pushing the man away or complaining that he was even there and conversing with her.

Maybe it's not someone bad. Right?

Soonyoung interrupts them by calling the girl's name. "Haemi sweetie!"

His niece's attention is immediately caught when she hears the familiar voice of her one and only uncle. "Uncle Soonie!" Haemi jumps out of her seat and runs towards him with her arms wide open.

The exhaustion in Soonyoung immediately dissipates as he watches his niece run towards him, lifting his serotonin a little when he crouches to the girl's level so she could engulf him in a longing embrace, his smile growing wider as her small arms wrap around his neck and his big hands press gently on her hair and brushing it.

"Sorry uncle Soonie is late. Did you wait that long?" muttering sweetly as he pulls away.

Haemi shakes her head. "I knew you were going to be late today uncle, thanks to mister defender I wasn't bored!" pointing to the man who was still sat on the bench looking at them with the same adoration.

Soonyoung furrows his brows in confusion. "Mister defender?" he looks up to look where his niece is pointing... and oh my. 

He might not or might have fallen in love at first sight.

Like the typical scenes in the movies where the world stops or slows down when you find 'The one' or when you fall in love at first aight kind of scenes... yeah, like those.

Said 'Mister defender' waves to the child and gives a small bow to Soonyoung and those cute fangs show as he smiles when he flashes his teeth.

He must've been the prettiest man that Soonyoung has seen aside from his news anchor friend Jeonghan.

Soonyoung caresses Haemi's cheek before finally standing up and taking her hand in his— approaching said handsome 'Mister defender' and dear god he looks even prettier up close.

Of course, it starts off awkward. "Hi uhm.... sorry to have bothered you about accompanying my niece... I must've waisted your time." he's rambling.

'Mister defender' giggles while he looks up at Soonyoung who's a little haggard from the rush, teeth showing as well as those cute fangs.

God he's cute.

"Not at all. I had a great time chatting with your niece while she waited— so you must be her uncle Soonie." he stands up on his feet and oh goodness.

Wow he's tall like a supermodel. Anyone could mistake him for one or a casting agent at an entertainment company... Soonyoung is more stunned.

Soonyoung's breath hitches in his throat when he hears his voice. It's deep and soothing and very calming... no wonder Haemi didn't push this man away.

He laughs awkwardly and scratches the back of his head. "Oh yeah that's me... I see she's already told you about me." he looks down at his niece and back to strange handsome 'Mister defender'.

"I had a good chat with your niece, she's a very smart and jolly kid." the stranger crouches down and ruffles Haemi's hair. "Mister defender said he helps people and beat thieves in the court!" she excitedly exclaims all of a sudden, smiling widely at the said man.

Soonyoung hums nodding his head and looking down at the crouched stranger in front of the child. "An intellectual property lawyer I see.... what's a lawyer doing in a nursery school premise doing?" it somehow has him wary for a moment but this stranger's occupations are the least of his worries.

Said latter stands back up again and wow he's really tall.

Soonyoung doesn't know how many times he's mentioned how tall this man is but he's gotta say that he's probably not gonna stop mentioning it in his mind.

"I bet she got her smartness from you. Oh well... someone sent me to talk to the lease owner of the school." he smiles again and dear it makes Soonyoung's chest tingle. "Oh. Tsk, I doubt that. She's more like her mom." he smiles down at the kid fondly and squishes her cheeks lightly.

"You wouldn't really know." stranger shrugs and picks his briefcase up. "Well, I had a fun time chatting with your niece. It's nice knowing you uh... uncle Soonie... haha." the atmosphere turns awkward as they stand there.

Soonyoung can only chuckle, his grip on the child's hand getting slippery as his hands get a little clammy from the nervousness. "You can call me Soonyoung. Kwon Soonyoung."

Handsome stranger 'Mister defender's' eyes lit up upon hearing his name as if he recognizes the latter. "Kwon Soonyoung? So you're that famous journalist at TTT and Fronting news?" 

Soonyoung cringes upon hearing that statement. "Famous? Really? I guess you can say that." he bites his lip habitually when he's nervous about people knowing.

He can see the excitement in the tallers eyes when he confirms it. "Wow, I can't believe I'm meeting you in a nursery. I'm a fan of your articles and most of them are such good headlines. Really accurate information. TTT and Fronting news is really lucky to have you." he rambles, excited over such things.

He must be a very attentive lawyer to know these things.

Soonyoung scratches the back of his head again and laughing awkwardly as he held his niece's small hand in his larger ones. "I see you like reading newspapers." he smiles a little proud but the awkwardness is still there.

"I'm Mingyu, sorry for not having to introduce sooner. Kim Mingyu.... haha."

Oh well... small world it is.... he just so happens to know of the latter's name as well. "Kim Mingyu? Wait... aren't you one of the IP lawyers in the incorporation from DWC law firm?"

Latter named Mingyu nods and laughs. "Wow, small world." 

"Yeah." Soonyoung nods in agreement and laughs along. "Well this is unexpected..."

"Funny how we'd meet this way." Mingyu is still giggling and dear goodness he's just so cute for a tough looking lawyer that it makes Soonyoung's heart flip.

It was later on that Soonyoung gains the guts to ask the lawyer for a drink. "Excuse me but can I buy you a drink before we part ways? I think Haemi's also hungry too."

A little straight forward but still a ballsy move on the latter. 

Who was Mingyu to decline the kind gesture and the privilege to talk to the oh so famous journalist in person and an unexpected time?

"I'd love to!"

Soonyoung stops.

The gush of exhaustion comes raining down on him harshly like a huge waterfall as he gasps for air, trying to catch his breath as he crouches and grabs onto his knees for support— chest heaving up and down harshly that he coughs up feeling the wind knocked out of him come back slowly.

When he gains his breath back, he leans away from his knees to stand up properly on his feet. 

Looking at his surroundings, he realizes where he's standing and where his feet had taken him.

The place where he least expects to go and the place he's been avoiding on stopping by his way home.

He thought his feet knew better.

The numbness slowly starts to go away as Soonyoung stares onto the unoccupied bench across the small playground and beside the post of the lit up street lamp.

Just when Soonyoung thought that he was immune to the pain, it all comes crashing down on him like a heavy weight fell over him from cloud nine and a blow to his gut sucker punch kind of painful blow.

It's the reality and the thought that gets him out of the pretending to be strong and numb from the pain— it hits him hard.

Mingyu is no longer his although he's still holding onto him and onto that tiny tinge of hope that he'll one day be standing on his doorstep asking for another chance cause dear goodness Soonyoung would give him all the chances that he could give just to love and be enough for the latter.

That's how Soonyoung is when he falls in love. If he falls... he falls hard that he sometimes forgets about himself and he's yet to find out about it.

He starts laughing at the thought, looking like a crazy man standing alone outside a nursery school doing who knows what but is actually just dwelling in on his heartbreak as it hits him like a truck ran over.

Breathy laughs as he lets it out from his lungs, rubbing his face with his hand and getting frustrated over his own emotions that are surging in.

The anguish, agony, sadness, madness, regret, doubts and all the pain becomes a fit of laughter that he would've busted a lung.

Soonyoung is laughing at himself... for feeling all these kind of shitty emotions it makes him feel like he's going insane from the weight it's putting on all over his being.

He's laughing at himself for looking so pathetic.

Pathetic and heartbroken Kwon Soonyoung laughing like all of it was just one damn joke.

He feels like his life is a joke at this point.

The fits of his breathy dry laughs die down slowly into a series of quiet choked out sobs and the tears brim over the corners of his eyes, inevitable to the feeling of pouring it all out. 

So many whys in his head that he can't seem to know the answer to although he is the only one who can... Soonyoung doesn't know what to feel or do anymore.

It's completely driving him insane with how the reality just decides to hit him without a single warning or a sign.

But oh well.... things happen when you least expect it.

The ticking time bomb ran out of time and exploded into a fuel and flame of emotions and ashes of tears.

Soonyoung cries... he breaks down in tears— feeling it burn his eyes the more he holds them back, the more it's inevitable.

He hates it.... he wishes that he doesn't have to feel so much pain from his heartbreak now that he realizes how he's still holding onto Mingyu and doesn't want to let him go just yet.

How selfless and selfish of Soonyoung to want to give Mingyu the chances but to still want him even though it's over.

It's selfish of him to keep hoping and holding on... to ask for a lifetime with Mingyu when the feelings probably aren't mutual anymore. 

Soonyoung keeps trying on holding it back although it's making the pain and the weight in his heart worsen— it makes the tears unstoppable from forming and streaming down his face.

Soonyoung has experienced a ton of pain already, whether it be physical or emotional given the fact he's a career driven person who pursued journalism enough to have him known for having such great headlines and that he refused any of how Wonwoo would treat him in a loose rope.

He doesn't want to take things the easy way... although, he finds himself right at this moment wanting to get over this damn heartbreak in an easy and quick way~ he would take any kinds of pain except for heartbreak... but then yet he would have his heart broken by the same person all over again just to be with them.

After a good cry alone, Soonyoung had composed himself as he sat on the bench outside the nursery school, staring at the empty playground just across— puffy red eyes, reddish nose as he sniffles with his tear stained cheeks along with his still heavy and broken heart that he's worn on his sleeve... he searches for his pockets for his phone but unfortunately his wallet is the only thing he found. 

He must've left it in the office, he'll either get it later when Wonwoo has left or maybe get it from Jeonghan if the two either has it. 

Mentally cursing himself for such circumstances... stupid heartbreak. 

Soonyoung sighs, the quiver in his breath still there as the night gets colder and the minutes pass while he's sitting alone there. Hell~ he doesn't even know what time it is already and how long he's been in that place... all he knows is he just needed to breathe and feel this heartbreak to get the pain over with which wasn't so easy at all.

He looks down at his lap and pouts habitually while fiddling with the hem of his oversized shirt while trying to get his mind off this damn heartbreak that isn't going to let him live...

It makes him think that it's his mistake when he raises his head to look up towards the empty playground only for it to not be empty... his heart pounds and breaks at the same time recognizing the person standing there across him who he now is locking eyes with... world crumbling down all over again and his heart shatters more like it's being crushed till it's dust.

Mingyu is standing there right across him, a little shocked expression on his features, hands in the pockets of his jeans, coat around his body hugging his figure perfectly and his hands in the pockets of his khaki coat with light brown checkered for the design inside... he looks perfect~ like always whenever Soonyoung lays his eyes on him.

Mingyu has always been perfect to him.

Soonyoung feels his blood run cold and his heart pound nervously at the sight of his past lover standing right before his eyes.

The heartbreak worsens but it's all because of that damn pretty smile Mingyu decided to put on that makes Soonyoung forget he was heartbroken by the katter standing right in front of him.

He is whipped. 

Mingyu raises his hand to give him a small wave before walking towards his direction and Soonyoung doesn't know what to do or say at all... he's internally freaking out as the younger starts walking closer and closer until he is three feet away right in front of him.

Soonyoung is just looking at him blankly— completely forgetting he was from a fresh cry because of him... stupid effect that Mingyu has even all this time.

Stupid heartbreak, stupid feelings, stupid fragility— stupid everything.

"Hi." Mingyu greets with an awkward smile, canines showing as he lets out that toothy awkward grin that Soonyoung finds so cute.

Whipped.

"It's been a while." Soonyoung manages to say as his eyes doesn't leave the younger's pretty face.

Observing all those features that he's memorized but the only difference is that it isn't as bright as it was before... he looks tired with the bags under his eyes and the dark circles surrounding it— his cheeks got a little less chubby and he's not wearing his usual suit and tie for work, it's just a coat and a shirt paired with jeans and tennis shoes, his hair down and not styled in a way he usually does— it's his bare minimum. And if he's dressed in his bare minimum it only means that he's worn out... one of the things he's learned about Mingyu over time.

Guess Soonyoung isn't the only one having such a hard time as well then.

"May I take a seat?" Mingyu still manages to ask, masking the already obvious exhaustion in his face as he points to the empty space just beside Soonyoung.

Before the elder could even say a word, he has already taken a seat beside, their shoulders nearly touching as they sit beside eavh other.

It makes Soonyoung's body stiffen... the silence is awkward between the two men in the quiet premises of the nursery school, only a few street lamps and lights to be their source of vision while the streets slowly clear up of any signs of running vehicles in the streets.

It's quiet for a bit... until Mingyu decided to break the ice and turn his head to the left where Soonyoung is sitting. "How's it been?"

The question catches Soonyoung off guard as he as well catches his gaze up on Mingyu. He feels his heart pound against his chest and he probably was sure that Mingyu could hear it, telling from the distance between them.

As he looks into the younger's eyes, it makes him think... how has he been?

Soonyoung forgets to ask himself by the days and weeks has passed. He's forgotten to care for himself cause all he cared about was the latter sitting there right next to him. The more he tries to forget, the more he remembers a ton and it's definitely not okay. He's definitely and obviously not okay but of course he forgets to ask himself the question.

How has it been? How has he been these past few days and weeks without Mingyu?

Days and weeks without Mingyu coming home to him to greet him with the softest kisses and any kinds of affection... days and weeks without a Mingyu to wake up to with the enticing aroma of coffee reaching up to his bedroom that the younger has prepared along with the mouth watering smell of breakfast awaiting for him at the kitchen and the younger be there to join him and have a chat before going on to their headache of a job... days and weeks without Mingyu to hold him or him to hold Mingyu when they aren't in the greatest of conditions or states or when they're feeling down and unworthy.

He's been feeling.... shitty— but of course Soonyoung doesn't answer that straight up although Mingyu can tell that it's been tough for him.

"Well...." Soonyoung can't find the right words to say, his eyes roaming around the air like there's an answer written somewhere the wide open spaces outside the nursery. "It's been..." he suddenly feels tongue-tied.

The words getting caught up on the tip of his tongue while he tries to look for 'right words to say... though he knows there aren't right words to say at all. "Unusual?" tone coming out more of a question rather than a statement and goddammit he wants to be swallowed by the ground, immediately regretting what he said at that moment.

He wished he could word it better but oh well... he can't turn back time now can he?

"S'that so?" Mingyu turns his head to look at Soonyoung's face with that worrisome and pitiful expression casted on his pretty features and it makes Soonyoung's stomach churn in bitterness.

God he hates that look... it makes him feel vulnerable and helpless.

Soonyoung recognizes that look everywhere. He's seen it on Jeonghan's face this morning as soon as he walked in the office, he's seen it on Wonwoo's face the exact day they called it off and Soonyoung decided to let his best friend of a boss be the first one to know, he's seen it on his sister's face the moment he let Minjoo know about the break up, he's seen it on his parents face the moment he told them it was over between them and now he's seeing it on Mingyu's face at this exact moment they're sitting there on the bench outside the nursery school.

Mingyu suddenly feels the need to say sorry... but he doesn't say it as to having a hunch that it'd make the atmosphere worse— so he looks away instead and roams his eyes towards the indigo that painted the sky at this hour. Soonyoung is relieved and doesn't reply any further; afraid that he might say something that he would regret again.

The younger hums, staring up at the moon that lit up the sky dimly. "They're taking the place down in a few weeks." he tries making a conversation to try and dissipate the heavy tension and before they get to the center of an expected discussion between them at this moment and it only makes Soonyoung hum in response. "The lease ended already." it's sort of working.

Soonyoung keeps silent, responding with small soft hums and quiet nods in acknowledgement.

Then it gets silent again...

Thankfully the tension dissipates as they sat there, all peaceful and quiet with nothing but the sounds of the cars passing, the wind bustling and crickets chirping.

It's all an okay silence until the mood shifts back to being a painfully heavy one.

This is where they start to get to the bottom of it all and that's when Mingyu heaves a heavy sigh, looking around and anywhere except for Soonyoung's face. "Where did we go wrong, Soonyoung?"

It takes a few seconds for Soonyoung to take in what the latter had just saod and it makes him scoff in disbelief, the same bitter feeling creeping up his chest and the anxiety bubbles up in the pits of his stomach.

It makes him think again... where did they go wrong?

Then he chuckles in bitterness realizing something about the question thrown. "I think I should be the one asking that, Gyu." his voice is quiet and subtle. "Where did we go wrong?"

This leaves Mingyu taken aback and speechless on his seat. Looking blankly at Soonyoung for the unexpected question to be thrown back at him in a subtle tone that gives a puzzled look on his face. It also leaves him thinking about what happened between them why things came to an ended and why he ended it.

It's quiet again and the silence has them to look for reasons and answers to the whys of their end.

Mingyu doesn't know what to do or say realizing the fact that he's still trying to figure out the reasons why it all faltered just like that although he's found out one that he just can't say aloud, afraid of what the elder would feel if he said it. "I- I don't know, Soonyoung. I ought to know." his head drops to hang low, disappointed in himself for not getting to answer Soonyoung's needed explanation that this one reason in the back of his head comes unsaid yet.

Soonyoung feels another lump grow and get caught up in his throat, the gush of emotions washing over him once again like a wave and he feels the tears start to sting and brim in the corners of his eyes. "Is... is there someone else?" he fumbles with his words, trying not to let the quiver in his voice be audible but yet Mingyu could still hear it and this gets the younger to panick. "Wha- no, Soonyoung... you know I wouldn't."

"Then what was the reason, Mingyu? I just woke up one day to you leaving me clueless in my house, you're packing your things and then telling me we should break up and I didn't ask cause I thought we still could've fixed ot but... no. I can't understand why I didn't even ask why." Soonyoung is rambling and his voice continuously shakes until he couldn't hold the tears in anymore, biting his lower lip as if it's gonna help him hold the tears and pain back.

Dear goodness, Mingyu hates to see this the most. Seeing Soonyoung cry because of him although he's already seen this coming he just didn't think it'd happen sooner, but it doesn't make him feel any less guilty than he was the moment he made his decisions. "Soonyoung-"

"I waited for you, Gyu... I'm waiting." Soonyoung sobs and sniffles, his chest heaving up and down while he takes heavy breaths, trying his best to calm down.

Mingyu sinks his teeth on his lip, biting back the emotions that he wanted to spill, afraid that if he did and gives out, it'd break Soonyoung more... but he knows this day was going to come. It's inevitable and he just can't run away from it. He knows that Soonyoung will always look for him and he will always look for Soonyoung. "You shouldn't have... and you shouldn't." he can't dare to look at Soonyoung's face so he looks down at his hands resting on his lap.

Soonyoung knits his brows together, confused as he feels the strings in his heart tighten painfully like thorns were growing off of it, piercing his heart itself. "Why not?" his voice coming out like a whimper as he tries making eye contact with Mingyu but it's no use, he keeps avoiding his gaze.

The more he thinks about that reason, the more he gets tongue-tied and the more he's afraid of saying it.

Soonyoung waits.... his eyes never leaving the younger, not giving a care in the world if his eyes are starting to get red and swollen and his cheeks are soaked in his own tears.

It gets silent for a few more seconds that has probably turned into minutes, Mingyu is contemplating... either he makes up a reason or he finally gets to tell Soonyoung why he left his house on that day.

He just can't bring himself to just say it... but this could be his only opportunity and he thinks that it's now or never will he be given the chance to talk to Soonyoung and lessen the questions and heartbreak lingering because of him. 

When Soonyoung lets out a soft gasp, opening his mouth to speak up, he was interrupted by Mingyu finally breaking down into tears. The elder's face twisting in guilt as he watches the younger bury his face in his hands and covering his eyes like the tears were to stop but aren't.... Mingyu sobs and sniffles, wiping his own tears away with his palm as he pushes himself to say the words he's been hiding all along. "I- I'm scared."

No more hiding.... he thinks.

It's the truth. Mingyu has always been scared of reality. Scared of how things would turn out for bhim when he enters the world of commitment, scared of not being enough in this world, scared of the start of many things but it's got him somewhere he wouldn't expect luckily... although to his fears, it's led him to where he's sitting right now crying over something that's somewhat his fault but isn't.

Soonyoung shifts from his seat to crouch in front of Mingyu, taking the younger's hands away from his face and cupping his cheeks and making them see each other eye to eye. "Scared? Wh- what's scaring you?" he wipes the tears away with the pad of his thumb.

Soonyoung truly has a soft and sympathetic heart mostly when it comes to people who are very important to him...

This must be a very bad setting for a breakup discussion out in the open of an empty nursery school and an old playground... both men a crying mess with their broken hearts worn on their sleeves seeing each other eye to eye and face to face but nonetheless it would've been better than nothing. "I'm scared that I would break your heart than I already have." he sobs again, closing his eyes momentarily and fresh tears roll down his cheeks while his lips quiver.

Soonyoung shakes his head softly while sobbing softly. "Break my heart? Mingyu, you could never-" although his words are cut shortly by the younger. "How would you know?" a slight pause in the air before he continues to speak. "How would you know I didn't break your heart?"

It makes the elder speechless. Mingyu well knows Soonyoung can't answer that no matter how hard he tries looking for an answer, even if he tries flipping the world upside down— he doesn't know that Mingyu hasn't broken his heart given the situation they are in.

It gets silent again as Soonyoung searches Mingyu's eyes like some answer was over there, their soft sniffles faint in the air with their eyes glistened with tears under the cold moonlight. 

"That day in Jeju....." Mingyu swallows his own saliva hydrating his throat to be able to voice out the reason why.

Come to think that there aren't so many reasons why Mingyu left Soonyoung... there's only one and sure enough Mingyu knows that Soonyoung will never be prepared to hear it and that he knows it would scar the elder and leave such a pain on his already broken heart.

He's scared of saying the words that Soonyoung needed to hear.

The elder gives him the time, not giving a care if his knees or heels are hurting from how he's crouched in front of Mingyu, there's no time to mind about his physical strength, he needs to listen to every single word the younger says. "I didn't know what happened, I just...." simply thinking about it already breaks Mingyu's heart what more if it gets to Soonyoung.

Mingyu starts breaking down again and Soonyoung is there to try and comfort him despite him shedding tears as well. "Hey, hey it's okay, you can tell me." the elder coos, his heart breaking as he sees the younger cry.

They haven't even got to the bottom of it and it's already this painful and messy, what more when they actually get to it.

Mingyu shakes his head in disagreement, whining as he sobs. "No, Soonyoung— it's... it's not!" he brushes the elder's hands away from his face and wipes his own tears away with the back of his hand.

It makes Soonyoung confused as he slowly stands up and takes a small step back, giving the younger some space and later on the bomb will drop at anytime soon given the fact that Mingyu has himself acting this hurt over his own faults.

"What makes you think that it's okay to wake up one day and suddenly fall out of love for your significant other?" he rambles, becoming a sobbing mess once again right then and there as soon as he finally drops it— oh so painful that his heart aches for the elder standing before him, can't even bear to look him in the eye that he feels too ashamed of himself although there's nothing to be ashamed of. "I tried, Soonyoung. I tried not to leave you but.... when I looked back—" he hiccups, tears endlessly pouring from his eyes and streaming down his face like a river.

Soonyoung doesn't speak. He just stands there, trying to let the words sink in his mind as he looks down at a sobbing Mingyu as he himself sheds tears, this time with no sobs and sniffles.... just plain tears. His heart shatters when he realizes the words that have been told.

"I didn't want you to have looked like a fool any longer, Soonyoung... I tried.... I went to look back at everything, where and how we started and why we did but.... it's just— I couldn't feel anymore, Soonyoung. I didn't want any of this to happen." he buries his face again in his hands, continuously a sobbing mess. "I- I was so scared... I'm so sorry Soonyoung..."

Still no response from the elder... he's staring into space and the words replay in his mind while his tears endlessly pour out from his eyes, the heavy weight in his heart grows painfully heavier and his breathing softens as his eyes stay still.... he can see Mingyu from his peripheral vision who keeps on muttering apologies repeatedly.

Suddenly.... "But you loved me didn't you?" Soonyoung's voice is still quivering but has toned down calmer than earlier.

Mingyu was too into apologizing that he doesn't realize what Soonyoung had said earlier until it gets to him. "Wait... what?" unburies his face away from his hands, his direction immediately shooting up to Soonyoung's when he thinks he must've been mishearing what he heard.

Soonyoung sniffles and gulps the lump that grew in his throat not long ago, as much as he wouldn't want to repeat his question, he has to in order to make it clear for the younger... However, the fear of not wanting to repeat that question makes him think that he might just be disappointed with the answer he will be given. "You loved me, didn't you Mingyu?" the question surprises the younger and it makes him jolt up from his seat to cup Soonyoung's cheeks as he cries harder, his heart shattering rather than being relieved of the words. "Of course, Soonyoung. I did, I still do It's just-" Soonyoung finishes the sentence for him. "It's not the same way anymore." and it makes Mingyu sob harder. "I- I tried..."

He never really thought it'd hurt him this much when they've discussed about it but falling out of love for someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with gives off a different kind of pain when you're trying to explain yourself to that one person. 

Neither of them have stopped shedding tears and it's a night full of shattered pieces of their broken hearts faltering to the bottom until they become numb.

Soonyoung finally lets out soft sobs, trying to lessen the weight of the pain in his chest with the tears that won't stop streaming down his face. "Then that's enough." he shakily says, looking up at Mingyu's eyes directly, a sad but reassuring look on his face and it takes Mingyu aback. "As long as I know and I felt that you loved me, that's enough... you did the right thing Mingyu." If it's possible, Soonyoung's assuring words makes Mingyu break down in more tears. "Soonyoung." he whimpers.

"Shhh." Soonyoung raises his hands and reaches for Mingyu's that were cupping his cheeks. "It's okay." he rubs small circles with the pad of his thumb on the back of Mingyu's hands, comforting the younger. "I'm sorry." the younger continuously apologizes. 

"Thank you, Mingyu." he sniffles, the tears not yet coming to a stop but a reassuring smile crawls up to his lips as he looks up at the younger. "I'll cherish those 2 years, 8 months and 37 hours I spent being able to love you and you making me feel loved as much." it shatters their heart as they're standing both in the same place where it all started.

These two broken hearts ending up in the same place looking for answers and now they've finally ended their parts with a rollercoaster ride of emotions and a river of tears shed.

"I can now let you go, Mingyu." are the last words he tells the younger as they resolve the discussion in a hug, this time Soonyoung being the one to walk away as they bid goodbye and the last words Soonyoung hears from Mingyu before he walks away are "Thank you, Soonyoung."

And with that, this is where these two broken hearts go and end.