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2021-06-04
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Pyramid Schemes Are Valid Too, Wilbur

Summary:

“I keep dragging you out here because or else you keep looking at Las Nevadas and sighing. And because you said that you ‘loved’ Quackity being petty and then made an HQ literally across his place that is a giant dick.”

“Well-”

Tommy cuts him off. “And the whole ‘I’m your servant’ bit was- kind of. Homoerotic, I think.”

Wilbur is suddenly pink in the face.

 

Or, Tommyinnit is sick of his wishy-washy brother and also third wheeling and accidentally initiates the brunt of Wilbur's newest flavour of identity crisis.

Work Text:

“See ya, Q!” Tommy waves goodbye to the man as he walks over the rise of the hill that lead him there, Wilbur giving his own final two-fingered salute at his side.

From the border of Las Nevadas, Tommy takes a running start before jumping off of where the road meets an end, twisting his head and grinning when he sees Wilbur and Quackity lingering before Wilbur catches up to him.

“So.”   Tommy can feel his smile ache at his cheeks when Wilbur has to visibly focus his gaze to meet his eyes.

“What.” Wilbur blinks before bringing his arms around himself, brushing past Tommy.  “Why are you smiling like that, you-”

“It’s very sweet to see you tripping over your own tail to talk to Quackity, especially days after you’ve started a competitor business.”

Wilbur lashes said tail and cocks his head like a cat, eyes nearly as round and wide as one.

 Tommy dislikes cats.

“Wh- Tripping my own tail? You’re the one who keeps dragging me over to visit, what do you mean?”

Tommy halts his steps, making Wilbur pause to look at his unamused face.

“I keep dragging you out here because or else you keep looking at Las Nevadas and sighing. And because you said that you ‘loved’ Quackity being petty and then made an HQ literally across his place that is a giant dick.”

“Well-”

Tommy cuts him off. “And the whole ‘I’m your servant’ bit was- kind of. Homoerotic, I think.”

Wilbur is suddenly pink in the face. Interesting.

“It- I’m joking, obviously. I’m very good at that. So funny.”

Tommy wants to sock Wilbur in the arm, but refrains with immense restraint, just as Wilbur murmurs homoerotic under his breath.

 “No, not homoerotic, just homies, alright? Like- Like the meme, ‘kiss the homies’ and it’s a joke.”

“If you say so,” Tommy trills, and jumps onto the beginnings of the stone wall Wilbur’s been building, balancing from one leg to the other with his raccoon tail outstretched to keep him steady while looking down upon Wilbur, one hand bunching up his sleeve.

“I don’t. I don’t know.”

Wilbur’s eyes are dazed, his expression tense, and Tommy feels a surge of pity blended with hesitant protectiveness at his brother’s slumped shoulders.

“Hey. Hey, Wilbur, we can drop this if you want. If you were joking, then you were joking and I don’t want to make you upset by taking this too far, alright? We can head back to the ‘Haych’ Q and chill, alright big man?”

“Tommy. Tommy, am I like. Gay?”

Wilbur blinks up at Tommy, big brown eyes wide with his bangs catching on his lashes. Fuck him, trying to look all innocent and shit.

“Probably!” Tommy flings his arms into the air, and Wilbur lets out a sigh that takes at least 20 seconds, before trudging off the sand and deeper into their own stretch of woods they’ve claimed, Tommy following and occasionally kicking a rock onto the waves lapping the shore.

“Wilbur- I really Do Not Think that replying ‘we’re not at that level yet’ is a very straight answer to me asking if you have a crush, y’know?” There’s a skeleton a few yards off, lurking under the shade of a tree, and Tommy pulls the bow off of his back and casually head-shots it.

Wilbur hisses through clenched teeth from his stance below, hugging himself and once again staring across the penis-infested waters between them and Las Nevadas. “You think so?”

“I’m pretty fucking sure.”

“I just-” And Wilbur’s voice sounds shaky now, flooding Tommy with panic and oh-god-how-do-you-handle-emotions-again flavoured feelings. “I’ve told you, that I’ve already come out, you know? Like. The whole gender thing, before I met you and all.”

Wilbur sinks to his knees, sitting on the grass and crossing them before resting his head on his palms.

“You’re not supposed to like, change yourself- your identity- this much, right? I said I was a male and cut my hair and said that I was straight, and that was a change already, so I’m supposed to be- I’m supposed to be. I chose who I wanted to be already.”

“Oh.”

How did Wilbur, of all people, get himself stuck in this mindset, Tommy wonders distantly, before sliding down the stone wall and crouching beside his pseudo-brother.

“Well, that’s kind of dumb, innit?”

Wilbur tenses under the hand Tommy lays on his sleeve. “What.”

“If you’re able to change once, you can. You can change again, you know?” The way the words come out are helplessly soothing, and Tommy would deny the soft tone he’s using in front of anyone else but Wilbur. “Just because you were one thing and then chose to be something else, it doesn’t mean you can’t choose again.”

Maybe his word choice is vague for a reason. Maybe Wilbur’s was too.

Maybe Wilbur was straight, because he said so, or a villain because he thought he had to be, but that might not be what he stays as.

“And- you don’t have to have words for it right away, right? Don’t worry about the labels right this second. You don’t have to be bi or gay or anything yet, or at all, really. And- you’re a dumbass,” Tommy ends the touchy-feely with a probably unearned insult, but Wilbur only makes a shuddering sigh and looks all the lighter for it.

“Thanks. For calling me a dumbass. Is- Am I even more of a dumbass if I admit we- me and Quackity- uh.” And here Wilbur makes an uncertain gesture with his hands, deliberately pointing his face away with furred ears pressed to his head.

“What does that mean?” Tommy squints.

“Ugh. Like. Kissed, before,” Wilbur says into his hands covering his entire face, muffling the last syllable while Tommy can feel his jaw drop, and slugs Wilbur in the arm. “Ow-”

“ That’s why you were touching your lips every time I’d asked! Why are you having a sexuality crisis on me now, if you’ve fucking kissed Big Q?! When was this?” Tommy asks, still lightly punching Wilbur.

Wilbur shoves him away before grabbing each of his elbows again. “It was- A while back. Pogtopia,” He says, and continues to speak past Tommy’s stunned expression. “He got a bit tipsy, I think, at Niki’s birthday party and like. I guess. We made out or whatever, before I ran off to the button room and wanted to blow L’Manberg up and die again but didn’t yet. It was nothing though, it wasn’t anything.”

“Wilbur Soot you are the biggest goddamned idiot I’ve ever met, I hate you and hope you never find love, whether in Big Q’s arms or anyone else’s. You’ve fucking had a freaking crush and I’m graciously ignoring whatever you said about the button room again. I hate you. Why do you even like Big Q though, he’s kind of an idiot and also engaged.”

“He wasn’t back then,” Wilbur shouts defensively, and ruins his own demeanour by dropping into a sullen grumble to say “I tried to ask him, if he was still engaged. And shut up. No.”

 Tommy leans back, silently watches as Wilbur wears down the barrier keeping himself from speaking, and fails.

 “I think I think about touching him more than I notice. I don’t know what that means,” Wilbur says quietly, a hand going up to pull at the white in his hair.

Oh. God.

“Uh. I want to help but- I don’t really want to hear about the- the touching y’know, big man?” Tommy’s throat sounds strangled, and he startles a little when Wilbur whirls around and splutters.

“NO! Not- Not that touching, oh my god, no, just-” He makes a grimace, and also a particularly desperate sound that could not be described. “Like touching his hand, or- or his arm… Besides, I’d rather he-”

Wilbur cuts himself off with the most flushed expression Tommy’s ever seen on a person, and Tommy feels something wilting inside.

“I.”

“You,” Tommy echoes. “Nope. Not going there. For fuck’s sake, why did you dying have to get rid of your brain-to-mouth filter?”

Wilbur, cheeks still violently red, nearly wails as he crumples onto his back in the grass. “I don’t know man. It’s worse than when I stopped myself from saying Quackity was hot and then still said that was what I was going to say and why am I still talking-”

 Tommy finds himself bursting into uncontrollable cackles, and after a second Wilbur joins him, flushed but laughter airy and elated. They can’t stop for a while, sun slowly dipping nearer the horizon all the while, and by the time Tommy can breathe again and sits up, Wilbur’s rubbing the side of his hand across damp cheeks, a slightly shattered smile on his face. His eyes lift towards Las Nevadas once more, glittering.

“It’s totally okay for you to be a pyramid scheme, Wilbur,” Tommy says with a warm-honey note in his voice.

Wilbur appears to ignore the honey and the warm to stare baffled at Tommy’s face. Rude. “What?”

Oh.

“A MLM. Man Loving Men? God. You need to talk to Tubbo and Ranboo about this, I think, I’m the best ally, not an expert.”

“Tubbo and- and Ranboo??”

“Oh. I thought Ranboo said he sent you a letter or something. They’re married and all, share the last name _Beloved, didn’t you know?”

“NO??”