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“It’s your fault that he’s flat anyway!”
The words sting. Stanley doesn’t know how to feel. They weren’t meant for him, but it still hurt. Ever since his parents started arguing, his flatness would always come up. Did his parents even love him anymore? After the divorce, it seemed they always brought him up in their arguments over the phone just to add fuel to their fights.
It’s been 4 years since I became flat, and I’m literally a senior in high school now. Why do they still fight about it? Aren’t my parents supposed to love me instead of argue?
At first, Stanley didn’t mind being flat. It had been fun getting free entry to theme parks and never paying at a vending machine. He even got some fame with his hit Youtube video “MAILING MYSELF TO ITALY (gone wrong) // EMOTIONAL 💯.” But these days, his flatness was a reminder that Mom and Dad didn’t love each other anymore.
He sighs, and folds himself under the crack of the door to his room, as one does. Ugh . He’ll never get used to the way that he can feel his heels against the back of his neck when he folds up.
“I need to get away from this. I can’t take it anymore!” His eyes land on his handheld camera, and his mood lifts a little.
“Hey flat STANS!! It’s your boi, Stan the Man, and today we’ll be reading some comments! It seems like you guys really liked my last traveling video, and really want me to go to Japan. Well, that’s right up my alley because japan is poggies!!!!!!!!!1” ahaaa (insert fuccboi screech)
His eyes light up and he puts down the camera. With an eagerness that he hasn’t felt in months, he properly opens the door to his room and dashes outside.
“Mom, I’m going to Dad’s place! After I pack, I’ll be out for the weekend.” He surprised himself with the enthusiasm in his own voice, but his mom barely noticed that he had used her credit card for First Class international shipping.
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The flight to Japan was surprisingly enjoyable. He was jostled a bit when being loaded in, but he would have sworn that the box next to him was filled with cocaine with the amount of care that it was handled with, and really, he couldn’t help but try some. The tedium of an international flight was offset by the drug induced euphoria. For a split second, Stanley felt like he was thicc again.
It was already night when the plane touched down. As he walked down the street, he got a few stares, but to his surprise, nobody really cared. He was used to it anyway. It didn’t matter. With the camera in his hands and his youtube channel, he could be on top of the world. The people who looked down on him now were insignificant compared to him. After all, what was their claim to fame?
He takes out the camera and begins shooting. “WHats up guys, we’re here in Japan now, and --------”
Out of the corner of his eye, something catches his attention. Or rather, someone.
Standing 5 feet tall, half an inch thick, was a life sized cutout of a beautiful orange haired girl, no, a goddess .
He took a step back and began to analyze his feelings. His heartbeat quickened as his eyes met her chocolatey caramel-brown eyes. He felt like he could drown in them forever. But yet...something beyond a simple crush drew him to her.
She’s flat, just like me! Oh mygod- Just like me!
Without a moment’s hesitation, he pulled out his phone and snapped a picture of the text under the cutout. His hands sweating, he opened Google translate and uploaded the photo. His breath quickened as he stared at the progress wheel, whirling in an endless continuum. The translation just couldn’t happen fast enough!
Asuna Yuuki was her name. And he would make her his queen.
I may be a freak, but there are others like me!
He had seen enough. Video idea forgotten, Stanley sprinted for the nearest post office. He already had memorized his mom’s credit card anyway.
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Stanley returned to suburban America a changed man. He had spent the flight home watching as much of Asuna on his phone as possible, and he wanted nothing more than to breathe the same air as her, to hear her laugh with his own ears, not just through an iPhone 12max’s speaker, to-
But there was a problem. The scumbag. Kirigaya Kazuto. He doesn’t know how to treat her! I could do so much better, I would be the perfect man for her, I bet he can’t- Wait. What could he do that Kirito couldn’t?
Distraught, Stanley entered a world of pain. His breaths shortened, and he began to shudder as tears streamed down his face. He curled up in the fetal position, shaking uncontrollably. “Why Why Why Why Why Why?!?!??!” he shouted, but there was no answer. The pain in his chest became intolerable. The comfort that he took from seeing Asuna’s smiling face had evaporated. Desperately, he began to hold his breath for as long as possible, anything to make the pain go away, anything.... The world began to fade at the edges as his lungs screamed for oxygen.
In a haze of semi consciousness, Stanley saw Asuna. His eyes shone, and he gasped. “Is it really you?”
“ビープ ビープ レタ”, Asuna responded in a beautiful voice like a chorus of angels.
“You want me to get stronger? You think I can defeat Kirito?”
Suddenly, he woke up. He was in the box again, and judging by the sounds outside, he was just getting delivered home.
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Stanley slunk out of the box into a house which was completely empty, just like his heart. But he had a mission. He sat at his computer with a renewed vigor. Although he had cried endlessly in the box, those days were over. Crying was a show of weakness, and Asuna didn’t like weakness.
How do I get superpowers...Is there a school for superpowers?
Stanley consulted his best friend, his right hand man, the one who he trusted with his life, and the top moderator for the Flat STAN discord server: Amon Gus from Springdale, Arkansas.
Stantheman(derogatory): hey bro do you know any superpower schools?
notsusatall😳 : lemme put you on some boku no hero academia
notsusatall😳 : i think you’re just like this dude named deku
Stantheman(derogatory): that’s based
notsusatall😳: hey um...i know we’ve been friends for a long time, but i’ve wanted to say this for a while now. idk how i should put this but i think i’d like to be more than friends. i mean we’re really close and i thought that i should take this chance to take our relationship one step further.
Stantheman(derogatory): that’s craaaaazy bro wanna play 8ball
Stantheman(derogatory): wait holup i need to go shower
Stanley knew he could rely on Amon Gus. What a good friend. Sometimes he says some real weak beta male cuck soyboy emotional stuff like that sometimes, but he’s really good at League. It didn’t matter anyway. He had some powers to learn about.
My Hero Academia was a life changing experience. Amon was right, he was just like Deku. As he watched, Stanley understood Deku’s plight and struggles. The feeling of powerlessness, the pain of being shunned, being the outsider. And then, an epiphany.
I have a quirk. I’m not like everyone else. Being flat is my superpower!
Hands shaking, he grabbed a notebook and pencil. Flipping to the nearest empty page, he began to draw. He wasn’t particularly good at drawing, but it didn’t matter. All that mattered was putting pen to paper, to recreate himself on a canvas that was just as flat as himself.
Tairana Stanley. His hair, green and orange to convey the conflict within himself and the bright colors to represent how he didn’t fit in with everyone else. A trenchcoat, to hide his flatness, his superpower, until it was the right time to strike. A fedora, the symbol of chivalry, a beacon of decency in today’s world of chads. And finally, a katana, to defeat in honorable combat those who dared mistreat Asuna.
I’m coming, m’lady. I’ll be the one for you.
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The next week was wonderful. He hadn’t felt this good since the seven lines of cocaine from his trip to Japan. But this time, it didn’t go away after just an hour. He would feel depressed at times, but one look at his notebook, at Tairana Stanley, would fill him with life.
Even at school, Tairana Stanley was still with him. At lunch, he had planned to eat quietly, but a gang of annoying students walked up to him, the kind that seemed popular with everyone and were way too cheerful for their own good.
“Hey Stanley! Do you want to sit with us today?”
“Imbeciles” he muttered under his breath. “Stop pretending like you understand me. You will never know how it feels, how much it hurts. YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND ME! GET AWAY!”
Some of the lowlifes were taken aback, but the leader, a tall, sporty type simply stepped forward with a warm smile on his face. “Are you sure? We saved a spot for you. We’re just trying to get to know you better, Stan.”
In that moment, Stanley felt the rage boil over. Normally, he would simply back down and walk away, but- I can’t be weak. I can’t be weak. All my training will be for nothing if I run away now. Stanley Lambchop was weak, but Stanley Lambchop had died in the box back to America. Only Tairana Stanley remains. I need to fight them for Asuna!
“Talk to me again and you will regret it….You don’t want to see me when I get angry!!!!!11!!! You don’t want to see my dark side……” He growled and hissed, baring his teeth at the group and they jumped back, shock visible on their stupid faces.
“O-oh I get it!! Look man, we all have our bad days and that’s okay. We’ll see you around!” They leaped away and frantically ran without looking back.
Stanley pushed back his bangs and chuckled, a wry smile of satisfaction on his face. “Nothing personal, kid.”
It was amazing.
However, his joy didn’t last. The moment he got home, his mom was already standing in the doorway.
“Stanley Lambchop! Explain yourself! I got a call from the principal today saying that you screamed and yelled at other kids today!”
“Don’t call me that. I’m not Stanley Lambchop anymore. I’M NOT! He was weak, and now he’s gone, he’s gone! I’m Tairana Stanley now! My flatness is the reason I’m here on this planet and I will use it to save us all!!”
His mother’s face fell, her disappointment palpable.
“No, please, don’t be like that. That isn’t real , you can’t just- I know the divorce has been hard on you lately, but we still have each other. Please just listen to me...”
Stanley felt like he had been splashed by a bucket of ice cold water. His mother’s voice began to fade out as the shame washed over him and he realized: Tairana Stanley wasn’t real. Deku wasn’t real. Asuna didn’t know who he was. He didn’t have real superpowers.
“...Please Stanley, you have to realize what this is doing to you! You aren’t defined by your flatness, you’re a real boy. You’re my boy. Please, you have to-”
“Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP! You don’t even believe that I’m your child anymore! Why else would you use me as an excuse to argue with Dad on the phone? You don’t even care about my feelings, you only care that I’m flat!”
His mother’s eyes widened in shock.
“Stanley Lambchop, that is no way to talk to your mother. I worked so hard to raise you and provide for you! That computer you spend all day staring at? I bought it for you! Without that computer you wouldn’t even be able to watch those cartoons all day long! Are you really going to give up on us for those silly characters?
Pain again. He felt the rage boiling over.
“They’re not just characters, they understand me better than you ever will! YOU’RE WRONG! WRONG! I’m flat, just like you say I am. I’m FLAT and that's all I’m good for.”
Shuddering and on the verge of tears, Stanley pushed past his mother and dashed for his room, slamming the door after him. A wave of panic overtook him and he collapsed on the floor. His phone slipped out of his pocket and he rocked back and forth, the rhythm comforting him as sobs burst past his lips. Crawling to his computer, he opens youtube and with shaky hands, looks for videos of Asuna. He clicks on “Asuna - Demons [AMV]” and succumbs to the comfort of despair.
“I’m flat, I’m flat, they understand me, they’re flat like me, I’m flat, I’m flat, they understand me…”
As the video neared its end, a feeling of dread crept over Stanley. Asuna’s company was much more preferable to the pain of his continued existence, but this would not last, it could never last. With quick, panicked breaths and shaky hands, he clicked the replay button. Three minutes and forty-eight seconds later, he clicked it again. And again. And again. Until…
It was two, maybe three in the morning? It didn’t matter anymore, not to Stanley. The only thing that he found solace in, the only thing that made sense to him now was Asuna, her beautiful orange hair, her soulful chocolate eyes…
A sudden moment of clarity struck him like a lightning bolt. If the world outside didn’t accept him, then he shouldn’t try to fit in anymore. After all, he wasn’t like the rest of them. He was THE Tairana Stanley; he didn’t belong with inferior beings. His lips began to twitch as a smile crept on to his face, widening as the realization dawned upon him. He would finally be at peace. Getting up slowly, he sat himself on the desk. Then, slowly, as if finally enjoying the sensation, he began to fold himself. He watched as his limbs folded upwards, curling into themselves. Not too long ago, he would have been disgusted, but now, he couldn’t bring himself to care.
Once Stanley was folded, he pushed out the CD-tray of his computer. If he hadn’t been folded, one might have been able to hear him say, “I’m finally here for you, Asuna. I’ll finally join you”, his voice breaking a little as he reverently inched his way across the desk and pushed himself into the CD slot. Seconds later, the only sound heard was the music video, soft notes leaking forlornly out of abandoned headphones.
Two days later, his mother opened the door to Stanley’s room. Even though Stanley himself was missing, it seemed as if nothing had ever happened. The room was clean, if a little messy, and the bed was made. The only thing out of place was a music video playing on Stanley’s monitor, looping over and over, and under it, a tear-stained drawing of a green and orange haired man in a trenchcoat.
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And then Corpse Husband, Sykkuno, Dream from Minecraft, Tommyinnit, Quackity, Georgenotfound (who was kissing Dream), Sapnap, Tubbo, Ranboo, BTS, Callahan, Wilbur, awesamdude, Fundy, and Karl showed up and started doing the fortnite default dance while singing chug jug with you and also playing heat waves by glass giraffes because thats super popular now bc of a dream fic? idk.