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Sunny decides to go to the roof of the hospital after he tells everyone the truth. It's his birthday and he's spending it in the hospital. He had come to accept that he must overcome Mari's death, but it wasn't that easy. It was hitting him that he was older than Mari now.
The darkness seems heavier than ever as he stares at the drop. He's walked off of taller heights in the past. Always in his dreams, though. Never in reality. He'd been scared of heights since his fall into the lake. A part of him is still scared. Probably his survival instinct. He was shaking. He should step away. He doesn't want to die, but he doesn't want to live either. The only words reverberating in his head was that he was older than Mari.
It's wrong.
It's wrong.
It's wrong.
He was the little brother. He was always supposed to be younger.
Mari won't grow up anymore. Sunny won't stop aging. He doesn't want it.
He had a lot to live for now, though. Just live, he and Basil had discussed before Basil had been institutionalized. One day at a time. Just breathe. Their friends would be there for them.
But would they? Nobody had come to visit him. His mother was working. He hadn't received a message from anyone. The last time he had seen his friends, they had walked away from him with broken hearts.
Kel had been lost.
Aubrey had been angry.
Hero had been shattered.
"They're good friends." The version of Basil in Sunny's mind had said. "We have to trust that they'll forgive us. "
"You'll forgive yourself... won't you, Sunny?" Mari had wished.
He wanted to cherish those memories. But they felt so hard to grasp with the black fog that separated them from him. His hand clung desperately to the broken railing as his hospital gown blew around his legs. His body was more honest about what it wanted than Sunny's cruel mind.
He was older than Mari now.
It was detestable. He was detestable.
A step. That would be all it would take. He could close his eyes. He could be in his imagination in a blink. But even his imagination was flooded with black tar.
It was too loud. Everything was too loud.
The world was so quiet up on the roof.
His breathing was too quick. His arms and legs felt like they were filled with pins and needles. The world was going blurry from his tears. He was scared to jump.
Would they care?
Would anyone care?
They already knew the truth. Sunny had confessed to it. What else was there?
Basil was saved. But Sunny...
Sunny was older than Mari now.
The noise was too loud.
Sunny covered his ears and took a step backwards, eyes squeezing shut. He felt like he was drowning. His heart was too fast. Who would be there for him?
"We're here for you because you want us to be." They had said, but that was just in Sunny's head. It wasn't real.
But it could be. Sunny knew his friends.
Right?
He didn't know for sure. He didn't trust himself.
"Go back to the room." Whose voice was that? His own?
His body took the opportunity presented to him. He turned and fled from the roof, shaky legs stumbling until he was back in his hospital room. He sank to the floor and covered his head. He let himself be consumed by the dark thoughts. That's where the hospital staff found him after it was all over. He was exhausted. He had no energy left in his limbs. He was given water and medication that made his head feel lighter. He told them about the roof being damaged. They promised to get it fixed.
Sunny was older than Mari now.
He would have to live with it.