Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Spend enough time at sea, and the rocking of a ship becomes as natural as breathing. The salt in the air moulds itself to your body, your lungs, your hair. Each bird cry becomes a hello, and each wave on the azura surface becomes another heartbeat.

At least, that’s what Castiel Novak reckoned. Having been living on the water almost ever since he was born, Castiel was as much a part of the ocean as it was a part of him, and if the seas allowed, he would sail to every corner of this vast home. His heart longed for it.

But duty did not allow for free travel. Not in the way he would like.

“I thought you would be out on the deck by now, Mr Novak.”

Castiel tore his eyes away from the maps splayed out in front of him, and instead focused his attention on the man who had just entered the room. Or, rather, captain.

Though the brown-haired, scruffy-bearded captain was shorter than Castiel, that did not mean the respect given was any less. As one of the most successful seafarers of his time, Captain Chuck Shurley was not a man to be easily underestimated. He was sly, cunning, patient, stubborn, and not afraid to get his hands dirty when needed.

Once upon a time, he was in Her Majesty’s Navy. Now, he was a free man.

A pirate.

Despite Chuck’s reputation, however, Castiel found himself grateful for the man, and forever in his debt.

“Just double checking our course, sir,” Castiel said, straightening up ever so slightly. “Can’t be too careful.”

Captain Shurley chuckled.

“Novak, you’re the best cartographer and navigator a man could hope to meet. No one knows these waters better than you, you don’t need to double check.”

That was true. As humble as Castiel tried to be, he did take pride in his knowledge of the waters. Those he had sailed on, anyway.

“So you keep reminding me, and I thank you for your confidence. But something doesn’t feel right.” This made Chuck frown.

“I thought our path was clear of obstacles?”

“It is, as clear as it can be. The cargo will be safe.” Their recent bounty from a merchant ship was, indeed, something to treasure.

“Is it a matter of weather? I can have Balthazar-”

“No, sir, I’ve already checked in with him. Balthazar has never been wrong about the weather so far, and I would hate to doubt him now. It’s just… I have a bad feeling about this.”

The captain crossed his arms and leaned back against the wall. Though his posture was relaxed, there was something behind his eyes that calculated everything, at every moment. Castiel could feel the focus of that on himself.

“Did something go wrong during our last plunder?” Chuck asked.

“No.” And it was true. “It’s just a gut feeling. Probably nothing, but I thought it best to tell you.”

Captain Shurley hummed in thought, before pushing himself off the wall. Despite the swaying of the ship, he managed to move as if the ground were perfectly still.

“A gut feeling is never to be ignored, Mr Novak. I’ll keep that in mind. Thank you for telling me.”

“Of course, Captain.”

As Chuck exited to return to the helm of the ship, Castiel did so too, only he ended up standing at the edge of the deck. Elbows resting on the rough wood, he leaned over to look out over the glimmering blue waters.

He didn’t tell the captain about the schools of fish that suddenly dispersed over the week.

He didn’t tell Chuck about flashes of colour, far too vivid to be his imagination, even at night.

If Castiel was lucky, those sightings would just mean the presence of large fish. If not…

He shook his head. Merfolk sightings were rare enough already, there was no point in saying he had been seeing evidence of them for a week. The crew had sailed this route multiple times, and it’s never happened before. Besides, considering how many times the creatures had been hunted in the past, it was not surprising that some questioned whether they still existed.

Castiel believed. Hell, he knew. He just hoped that minor sightings were the extent of it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Wake up!”

Castiel almost jumped out of bed. All around him were the sounds of people running, hurrying. Some cheered, some cursed, and some echoed the confusion that the black-haired navigator felt.

“Wake up, lads!”

“We got one!”

“I told you-”

“Out of my way!”

“We’re going to be rich!”

If blood could had the ability to freeze and burn at the same time, Castiel must have discovered that ability. Not even bothering to get fully dressed, he dashed out onto the deck, shoving past several of his crewmates along the way. The captain hadn’t appeared yet, but that didn’t matter. He just had to know-

“No…”

It was as if all the air had been knocked out of him. There, trapped in a net, hissing in pain and anger and fear, was a merman.

It was beautiful. Even in the near-darkness, Castiel could make out the vibrant green of its scaled tail, its fins, the webbing between each talon. Teeth as sharp as knives bared themselves to the pirates, while the eyes… oh, Castiel had never seen eyes glow so much in his life. They were bold, fierce, and promised danger.

Then Castiel noticed the blood.

Rivlets of scarlet trickled down from wounds on the merman’s body. There were several gashes on the tail, probably from hooks trying to pull him into the net if things didn’t go as planned. There was one on a shoulder as well, and every time the merman moved, it was like he was holding back from grimacing. On top of that, Castiel glimpsed bruises already forming on the ribs. It seems like the crew hadn’t bothered to show any kindness; either you submit, or you experience more pain.

The merman and the cartographer locked eyes once. Just once. But in that moment, Castiel felt a lifetime of heartache.

“What’s going on here?!”

Captain Shurley’s voice boomed across the deck, and in an instant, the crowd parted to let him through. Thankfully, Castiel was already off to one side, because he didn’t have the strength to move.

“Sir,” First Mate Michael responded. “One of the crew spotted this creature off our port side. We managed to bring it in, but not without a bit of damage.”

“Is that so?” Chuck stepped just out of reach of the merman. Castiel realised that the thrashing had stopped, replaced by a silent, but deadly snarl. “And here I thought I would never see one again. I thought you and your kind were hunted out of existence.”

“We almost were, asshole,” the merman snapped back. His voice… Castiel could only compare it to a storm; deep, rough, passionate, and most of all, dangerous.

“Oh ho! It speaks!”

“He speaks, I’m not a fucking animal.”

Chuck curled his lip in disgust, to Castiel’s disappointment.

“You look like one to me. But, animal, creature, hellspawn, it doesn’t matter. You’re going to bring me a fortune when I take you back to-”

“No.”

There was a moment where everything was frozen on deck. Then, slowly, all eyes turned to the source of the surprising outburst: Castiel. The most unnerving gaze, though, was the captain’s. The navigator had seen that kind of look before. It was a hungry look, one that only a man lusting after gold would wear. He had seen it before, many times, and never dared to speak against it.

Until now.

“No?” Chuck repeated.

“Sir, you said it yourself, merfolk were almost gone, completely. If we release this one, it could mean we will find more in the future due to breeding.” Castiel Novak hated every single word coming out of his mouth, but he knew he had to try something.

“I’m not waiting for an uncertain future, boy.” A warning. “And I don’t plan on releasing a prized possession. Besides,” the captain chuckled, “what’s one merperson compared to a hundred?”

Oh no. No no no no no-

“You’re going to help me find the others, merman, whether you like it or not.”

“Over your dead body.”

“Maybe not mine, but definitely yours. Let’s see how the sun treats you, shall we?” Chuck turned to the crew. “Keep him well above the water! Make sure there is one person guarding him at all times! Tomorrow, we set sail for the bounty of a lifetime!”

The crew cheered. Some threw their hats, some clapped, some stomped their boots.

Castiel could only watch on in silent horror.

He realised the gut feeling from before wasn’t for the crew and ship after all… it was for the living, breathing person bleeding out in a fish net, treated more like property than anything else.

Their eyes met again, and in the midst of the chaos, Castiel mouthed two words.

“I’m sorry.”

Chapter Text

The sun beat down relentlessly on the crew. Sea-hardened folk, even those used to the heat, had trouble working under such conditions.

Castiel could only imagine how harsh it was for the merman.

The black-haired navigator kept pacing the deck in between tasks, restless. He found it difficult to keep his gaze away from the fishnet, and even more difficult to keep pity out of his heart. Even from a distance, Castiel could tell that each laboured breath from the merman was becoming more forced. More ragged. And the wounds… if the sun didn’t kill him, then those wounds will.

Castiel’s blue eyes weren’t the only ones lingering on the newcomer. Every pirate on the ship couldn’t keep their attention away from the merman; like a pack of wolves eyeing fresh meat. Almost everyone was foaming at the mouth at the promise of what’s to come, and despite having witnessed worse situations, Castiel found himself utterly disgusted.

Despite being slowly burnt in the sun, injured, and questioned repeatedly, there were no more violent outbursts from the merman. The anger still simmered away under his skin (and scales), but too much of his energy had been drained to fight.

That is, until the early afternoon.

Gabriel and Raphael, second and third mates of the ship respectively, were both keeping a close watch on the merman, despite neither of them being on watch duty. Castiel was close enough to catch them whispering to each other, no doubt about their “prize”. Gabriel, however, was shaking his head. Whatever Raphael was saying, it was clearly trouble. Soon, the third mate broke away from the conversation, and somehow persuaded the crewmate keeping watch to take a break. Then, foolishly, Raphael stepped closer to the fishnet than was deemed safe, leaning in to whisper something to the merman.

No one could make out the words, but whatever was said, it cut deep. The merman lashed out, one taloned hand clamping itself tight around Raphael’s throat, a harsh and shrill snarl ripping its way through the air.

Panic. Fear. Anger. The deck exploded with these primal emotions.

Castiel was the first to spring into action. Running up to the net, he pressed his fingers against one of the merman’s wounds with one hand, the other wrenching the talons off Raphael’s neck. The merman shrieked in pain, dropping the third mate in the process.

I’m sorry.

“Get him out of here!” Castiel ordered, pointing to a fallen and bleeding Raphael. Gabriel wasted no time in hauling him away, not ready to complain about the complete breach of rank. Castiel then turned to the crewmate who was supposed to stand guard. “You! You are lucky I’m feeling merciful! Get out of my sight! As for the rest of you, back to work! I will stand guard!”

No one dared to argue. The navigator rarely took command, but when he did, everyone else was quick to learn not to question him. There was a certain power that emanated from Castiel in those moments, and not even Captain Shurley could quite put his finger on what it was.

Once everyone on the deck had settled back into routine, Castiel turned to face the merman, whose burning glare never wavered. Despite knowing that there was attention on him now, the navigator spoke in low tones, just loud enough for the merman to hear. Standing this close in the daylight, Castiel noticed that the merman’s eyes were as green as his tail. There were freckles on every inch of his human half, and to top it all off, a head full of short hair the colour of dark sand.

“I don’t expect you to be thankful but that was necessary. Whatever Raphael said to you was uncalled for, but killing the third mate of the ship would have been unforgivable. The captain doesn’t choose his closest in command on a whim.”

“You’re saying this is better?” The merman’s voice was dry now. Raspy. Not a good sign.

“No. But it’s better than whatever brutal death would have awaited you.”

“This is a brutal death, pirate. Do you know what happens to a merperson when they spend too much time out of the water?”

“Yes.” Castiel had done his research over the years, as had the captain, apparently. It was a slow, cruel end. There was nothing left in the end except a dry husk. Unable to handle the image in his mind, he grabbed the nearest bucket and tied a rope to it.

“What are you doing?”

“Showing you some mercy.”

Castiel lowered the bucket over the side of the ship. Let everyone watch. Let the captain question what he was doing; he could lie and say it was to prolong the use of the merman. He didn’t care. Once the bucket was full of seawater, he pulled it back up to the deck. Grabbing it with both hands, he then splashed the salt water all over the merman, happy to note the expression of pure relief at the gesture.

“Why did you do that?”

Castiel tilted his head.

“Is it so hard to believe that I can’t watch you die?” He responded.

“Considering I’m your prisoner and mer compass, yes.”

“Not mine. The captain’s. I am just the cartographer and navigator.”

“Is there a difference? A pirate’s a pirate, a human’s a human, and you’re all full of shit and greed. We’re nothing to you. Nothing.”

Castiel crossed his arms.

“You’re not nothing to me. And we’re not all the same, as I’m sure not all merfolk are the same.” A pause. “My name is Castiel Novak.”

“Good. To. Know.”

This made the navigator frown.

“May I know your name?”

“Why do you want to know? Why the hell do you even care?”

The next words were probably the most honest that Castiel had ever uttered in his life.

“I don’t know. I just do. And whether I cared or not in the first place, I know that this is wrong. That is enough to-”

The navigator cut himself off before he said anything that would get him punished. However, a low voice, one that was already becoming so familiar, prompted him on.

“Enough to… what?”

Another pause.

“Enough to make me question.”

Something in the merman’s expression changed. If Castiel had to put a name to the emotion shown, he would say it was surprise, but there was something else there. Something elusive.

Silence filled the space between them. Castiel gave up the hope of another conversation, and instead chose to lean against the raised edge of the ship. With the salted wind filling his lungs and ruffling his hair, the navigator lulled himself into a state of peace. It came easy to him; he could always find calmness on the ocean.

“Dean.” The confession was quiet, but not at all thoughtless, nor uncalculated. “My human name is Dean.”

And that was it. The last piece of trust had fallen into place, just enough to push Castiel over one edge of the line he was walking. He made a vow right then and there.

Dean would not stay on this ship. No matter the cost.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Creaking wood and endless waves helped mask the careful footsteps. Weaving in between the snorers and sleeptalkers, Castiel slipped out of the sleeping quarters with ease.

He’d waited until well into the night, when almost everyone else was asleep. The captain was awake, no doubt, as well as whoever kept watch for the time being, but those weren’t a problem for Castiel. Captain Shurley had a habit of staying in his quarters once he’d retired for the night. As for the guard, well, that one is a little more complicated.

If all went well, Castiel could keep his position on the ship, as well as rest knowing that Dean was free, although suspicion would follow him for the rest of his days. If things didn’t go well, or even as planned, then Castiel was ready to face the consequences of it.

So long as Dean was free.

He would not accept anything less than that.

Armed with a pistol and a knife, the navigator kept to the balls of his feet, tiptoeing and sneaking and ducking when needed. Yes, it was dark, but he’d rather not take any chances.

Once Castiel had reached the deck, he could just make out the guard and fishnet, thanks to the light of a lamp. He moved flawlessly in time with the sway of the vessel beneath him, keeping any small noises to a bare minimum. The navigator swore his chest would cave in from controlling his breathing so much, but he had to do his best not to get caught. One rogue sound, and Castiel may be done for. Him and Dean.

Once he was close enough, a swift blow to the back of the guard’s head, using the butt of the pistol, was enough to get rid of the security. Dean’s glowing green eyes immediately fixed themselves upon the source of the sound, but once he saw it was Castiel, the merman’s expression of wariness turned into one of surprise.

“Castiel? What are you doing here?” Dean hissed. Damn it, his voice was barely audible. The sun had done a lot of damage to the rest of him, too; the sunburnt skin was a testament to that.

“Setting you free,” the navigator whispered back. He took out the knife from his belt. “Hold still.”

Dean watched this man, who had only known him for a day, start cutting the ropes of the fishnet. He waited for it to be a joke. It wasn’t. Surprise turned to astonishment, even suspicion, but overwhelmingly, there was profound gratitude.

“They’ll kill you for this,” said Dean.

“Not if I get out of here in time. Will you be able to swim?”

“If by swimming, you mean getting as far away as possible before something else kills me, then yes, I can swim.”

“And your injuries?”

“They’ll heal. I’ll be fine.”

“Are you sure?”

“Cas.” A clawed hand gently wrapped around Castiel’s wrist, and for a moment, he didn’t know what to be shocked at more; the contact, or the shortened version of his name. Castiel’s blue eyes met Dean’s green ones. Not glowing, he realised, but brilliantly reflecting the lamp light. “I’ll be fine. I will.”

Castiel wanted to believe him. He really did. The way Dean spoke, with such confidence, it would make anyone believe him. But there was doubt behind the merman’s eyes, Cas could see it.

He just had to have a little faith.

The navigator nodded, earning a nod in return. He was about to return to his work, when Dean’s eyes widened, mouth open to issue a warning.

But it was too late.

The click of a pistol told Castiel it was too late.

“Step away from the merman and turn around,” sneered the guard. Castiel obeyed, now second guessing his decision to keep his crewmate alive. “Captain!”

Shit. Shit shit shit shit shit.

The doors to the captain's quarters opened, and light like hellfire bathed half the deck. Gabriel emerged first, a half empty bottle of rum still in his hand, though he looked far from intoxicated. Michael followed a few paces behind, and then emerged Captain Shurley himself. Castiel dared to glance over his shoulder, and saw the same panic in himself reflected in Dean’s eyes.

“Well, well, well.” Chuck sauntered up to Castiel, all traces of warm familiarity gone. “I knew you wanted the merman free, but I must say, I never expected you to go so far.”

“Sir-”

“Quiet!” Castiel flinched. “You know the penalty for mutiny, Mr Novak. And as fond as I had grown of you, rules are rules.” Chuck drew his sword, a bejeweled souvenir from a dead noble. “Such a shame, really. I will have to go through the trouble of finding another cartographer. Any last words?”

Castiel frantically searched for a way out of this. In front of him were the captain, first mate, and second mate. Beside him, the guard, with the pistol still aimed high at his head. And behind him, Dean, whose chances for survival were growing slimmer by the second.

There was no way out for Castiel.

But, with luck, there could be one last glimmer of hope for Dean.

With all my heart and soul, I bid you good luck.

“Yes,” Castiel finally answered. “Whatever you do, don’t look back.”

All three leaders frowned and glanced behind themselves, but Cas wasn’t talking to them. Though the reaction was fortunate. In a split second, he disarmed the guard, aimed the pistol, and fired at the last remaining weak spot of the fishing net. Dean had no time to react as his body plummeted towards the surface of the sea.

Relief pierced Castiel’s heart.

Before Chuck Shurley’s sword pierced Castiel’s back.

Pain burnt its way through Cas’ body, making him double over. He could feel the warm blood trickling over skin, seeping into the cloth surrounding it. He could feel each heartbeat, louder, faster. He could hear Chuck stepping closer.

He refused to have his life be taken away by man. He refused to let that be his end.

And so, with all of the strength that remained, Castiel lunged forward and threw himself off the edge of the ship.

Let the ocean consume me. Let it take me home.

Bubbles of a breath rose to the surface. Darkness edged whatever vision remained.

The last thing Castiel remembered was the feeling of being embraced by a pair of strong arms.

“Castiel? Cas, can you hear me? Cas…”

Chapter Text

A white-hot flash of pain. Liquid salt burning into his eyes, coating his lungs.

It was a painful rebirth.

Castiel broke the surface of the ocean, coughing, spluttering. A pair of strong arms around his torso helped keep him afloat, and he could feel someone pressed against his back. He was alive.

But how?

“Cas?” The voice was worried, frantic. “Cas, can you hear me?”

“Dean,” Castiel managed to gasp. “How-”

“I’ll tell you later,” Dean cut in. “Right now, I’m just glad you’re alive.”

Castiel coughed again before he managed to speak.

“I told you not to look back.”

“Yes, well, I’m not that good at following directions.”

To say Cas was confused would be an understatement. Chuck’s ship was now a small speck in the distance; there was no telling whether that was an indication of how much time had passed, or how far Dean had swum with Castiel in his arms. The waters were freezing, Cas knew this, but for some reason he wasn’t shivering. And his wound…

“Blood. I’m bleeding, we’ll attract sharks.”

“No we won’t,” Dean assured him. “I’ve stopped the bleeding, for both of us, but I can’t fully heal either of us. We won’t attract sharks, but we will die if we don’t find land for you soon. I’m doing all I can to hold you up.”

“Why didn’t you let me drown, Dean?” Silence. “Why didn’t you leave me?”

“You saved my life. I save yours. I’d say that makes us even.”

Castiel supposed that was fair, even if it did still perplex him. He knew Dean was right about needing land, though. Neither of them would survive in this state for long.

“Head- head west,” Cas instructed. “There’s a small island. There’s not much, but it’s the closest piece of land around.”

“Right. West. Hang on.”

Castiel could feel Dean’s powerful tail push against the water, propelling them backwards to keep Cas’ head above the water. He could feel the struggle. They both could.

“Let me swim for a bit,” Cas suggested.

“No, you won’t be able to stay afloat.” Dean made his tone softer. “We’ll make it, don’t worry. Just trust me, ok?”

“Ok. Ok…” Cas did trust him. Completely. Besides, he had no one else to help him now, and considering Dean hadn’t called for help, neither did the merman.

They were going to have to survive the night on their own.

“I got you, Cas. Just stay with me, ok?”

“Of course.” Castiel let his eyes drift up to the stars. “I’m not going anywhere,” he promised.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The sky was already lightening when they reached the island. Castiel must have dozed off twice on the journey there, but Dean made sure to wake him up each time. Staying awake was important.

Cas navigated Dean towards a particular section of the island.

“There’s a small cove,” he explained. “It’s sheltered from the winds most days. We could stay there for the time being.”

“You seem to know this place,” Dean remarked.

“I do. I’ve been here before.” Castiel paused. “Thank you, Dean.”

“Don’t thank me just yet.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Dean’s strength gave out before they could get close to the shoreline. Castiel felt the arms around him go limp, and for the first time that night, there was distance drifting between the two males.

“Dean?” Cas was able to wade in the waist-high water. He turned and cradled Dean’s body. “Dean?”

“‘M alright,” the merman replied, his voice far too quiet for Castiel’s liking. “Just… tired… so tired.”

The cold of the sea was setting in, and Castiel realised that whatever Dean had done to keep them him, it wasn’t working anymore.

Stay with me.

Lifting Dean up as one would lift their bride, Cas fought through his own exhaustion and forced himself to wade to shore. He set Dean down in shallower waters, right by the rocky archway of the cove, hoping that the dampness was enough to keep Dean alive.

Castiel would have kept him in the waters, but there was a danger to Dean drifting off. The merman’s wounds also needed inspection, and deep down, Cas wasn’t ready to let him go just yet.

“I’m going to build a fire,” Castiel explained. “Somehow. You stay right here, keep yourself awake, I’ll see to your wounds.”

Dean’s nod didn’t lessen the ball of worry that grew in his stomach. Wet, cold, and ready to drop to the ground at any moment, he used the growing light of dawn to help gather all the dry materials he could. Luckily, there was thick vegetation just off the shore, so scavenging for items for the fire wasn’t difficult. All throughout the process of setting the tinder alight, Castiel kept glancing at the merman, making sure he was breathing, and the gills on his neck were still opening and closing.

“Dean?”

“Yes?”

“Just checking.”

A particularly large wave crashed over the sand, dousing the merman. The first crackle of a flame followed shortly after, and soon, Castiel had a large fire going. Finally, there was warmth.

And maybe, there was hope.

“Alright, let me have a look at you,” Cas said as he knelt beside the merman.

“You're injured, too.”

“I know, but as you said, you’ve stopped the bleeding.” The human inspected Dean’s wounds quickly, but carefully. What remained of Dean’s imprisonment was nasty, to say the least. Though there was no fresh bloodflow, the bruises alone suggested other serious injuries. They would take a long time to heal.

More time than the day could offer.

“Cas.” Dean held Castiel’s wrist again. Without the pressure of other people or time constraints, they finally took their time to look at each other. “I’ll be fine. The water… it helps. I just need to… to rest. You should do the same.”

The other male pursed his lips, glancing back at the fire, then back to Dean.

“You sure?”

“Absolutely.”

“Alright… promise me you’ll be here when I wake up.” Cas didn’t know what prompted him to say that, but it was too late to take it back now.

“I make no promises.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The morning brought silence that was too loud. Sound that was too quiet.

Castiel had gathered more fuel for the fire, inspected his own wound, and found it to be tolerable. All his soaked clothing lay on the sand, waiting for the scorching sun, while Cas himself took to warming by the orange flames.

Dean had fallen asleep in the shade of the cove, and despite the peaceful scenery of it all, Castiel couldn’t sleep until well after sunrise. It was only when Dean awoke and slipped back into the sea, that he relaxed enough to keep his eyes closed.

It was a bittersweet departure, one that shouldn’t have affected him so much.

The loneliness presented Cas with more pressing thoughts, though.

What was he to do now? With no crew to go back to, no port that would welcome him anymore, and no way off the island, Castiel could officially label himself as “stranded and stuck.” There was a chance his wound could become infected, as well, and all that awaited him was a slow, painful death in the future.

If it’s not one way, it’s another.

Only time would tell, but for that moment, sleep was most important.

Castiel only wished he’d fallen asleep before the first sob.

Chapter Text

“You’re awake!”

The exclamation caught Castiel by surprise. He was in the middle of inspecting his clothes - which were still a little damp - when Dean’s voice cut through the air. Unashamed of his own nakedness (enough men had seen him without clothing before), Cas looked over the merman in astonishment.

The majority of Dean’s body was on the sand, with only the bright green tail fluke splashin in and out of the water. Some areas of his skin were more red than others, and had started to peel; an indicator of how bad his time on the sun-drenched was. The bruises were still present, but further along the healing process than before. Castiel reckoned that was a good thing, but still hated to see such ugly marks of pain on someone so beautiful.

“I thought you had left,” Cas said. “You’re free.”

Dean shrugged.

“I’m not healed enough to swim out that far just yet. Sun damage alone takes a long time to recover from, but the other injuries don’t help. I thought I might as well stick around. Besides,” Dean reached behind him and showed off a nice sized fish, “I brought you breakfast. Or, lunch, seeing as it’s the afternoon.”

Castiel could only stare, as open-mouthed as the fish Dean was offering. This was a dream. It had to be. But no, this was real, as proven by Dean waving his hand and asking if Cas was alright.

“You didn’t have to,” Cas said as he finally dressed himself.

“A simple thank you would have been nice.”

“Fine. Thank you. I appreciate this, I really do.”

“That’s better. You would not believe what I had to do to get this fish, it was almost faster than me!” Dean grinned. “Almost.”

Cas couldn’t help but smile back. He noticed that the merman’s sharp teeth from the night before were gone, replaced with more human-like ones. It only added more questions to the ones already piling up.

No time like the present to ask.

Once Castiel had fully dressed himself, he made his way over to Dean and accepted the fish. Perfect timing, as his stomach had begun to complain.

“I have some things to ask you.”

“Eat first. Then we’ll talk.”

“No.” Castiel crouched down on the sand, wincing at the pain that shot through his body. Right. He was stabbed. Not that it would stop him. “First thing’s first, how did you save me? Specifically, how did you stop the bleeding?”

Dean licked his bottom lip, taking a moment to process how to explain everything.

“Merfolk have magical abilities. If you didn’t know that before, you do now.”

“I did know, but continue.”

“Right. So, our magic comes from the water, or rather, our connection to it. Take us out of the water, and we can’t use our magic. Leave us in the sun for hours like your friends did and, well…” Dean gestured to his own body. “It takes a bigger toll. We can’t do anything about it except hope we get back in the ocean.” He paused. “I never got to thank you for that, by the way.”

Cas waved a hand.

“You thanked me enough by not leaving me to drown. Like you said, I save you, you save me. We’re even. Or rather, we were. I think I owe you for the fish now.”

Dean opened his mouth to respond to that remark, but nothing came out. He shook his head.

“Anyways, I used that magic to stop my own bleeding. I would have started healing, but then you dropped a few seconds later. There was blood coming from you. I… I panicked.” Dean looked down, then away. “Magic requires focus. It took all of mine just to keep you warm. Hell, I don’t even know how we made it this far.”

Castiel just kept staring at Dean. Maybe one day he would understand this merman. Maybe he won’t. Whatever happens, he was amazed by, and grateful for, Dean.

“Whatever miracle kept us alive, I’m just glad that it was you,” Cas said, almost without thinking. It must have been either the sunburn or some other trick, but he swore Dean’s cheeks turned pink.

“Right, well, uhm… any-anything else you wanted to ask?”

“Yes. What happened to your teeth?”

“Huh?” Dean frowned up at Cas.

“Your teeth. They were sharp yesterday. Why aren’t they sharp now?”

“And here I thought you did your research.”

“I did. I just wanted to see if it was true.”

Dean chuckled and shook his head.

“Alright. So, uh we actually have two sets of teeth, not one shapeshifting set as some sources claim. The normal ones, these ones,” Dean bared his teeth for a second to show Cas, “these are permanent. The sharp ones, they’re a little bigger, and come out during feeding or if we feel threatened. Speaking of feeding-” Dean flicked his tail, sending a splash of salt water all over Castiel.

“Hey!”

“Go eat!”

Cas laughed for the first time in… days, really. It made him wince in pain, but was completely worth it. It was lovely, how light it made him feel.

How having Dean around made him feel.

Not minding the damp clothing, Cas pushed further up the cove to collect more fuel for the fire. Now that the light of day was brighter, he could see just how dense the vegetation around the cove really was. He remembered telling Dean that he’d been to this island before, but even so, everything somehow seemed more lush. Like it had grown along with Castiel.

The fire was roaring beautifully in no time, but even so, Cas was too hungry to wait for the whole fish to cook. Raw fish wasn’t too bad, and it stopped him from essentially passing out during the cooking process. Dean stayed close by during the entire meal, generally leaving Castiel alone, but also silently checking in, as if he were afraid the human would actually pass out. It was appreciated, very much so, though Cas couldn’t help but think that Dean no longer owed him anything.

There were other things on the human’s mind, too. Castiel would need more food, and gather as much drinkable water as possible. He would need to make a shelter, too; the arch of the cove wasn’t going to be enough, especially at night.

If he was going to stay at the cove.

Cas glanced over at Dean. He’d always thought of merfolk as beautiful, but seeing Dean in the dancing sunlight was something else entirely. The light illuminated his skin, and despite the burns, Castiel could see the small freckles on his face become illuminated, almost adorably so. There were gills on Dean’s neck that Castiel hadn’t noticed before; they were closed for the moment, but no doubt played their role under the water with ease and efficiency. Each talon on Dean’s hand looked like a marriage of animosity and elegance, the perfect tools to both kill and strike awe into the hearts of men. As for the tail… Castiel could have learnt all the languages in the world, and still never have been able to describe it accurately. It seemed to encompass all the shades of green in the ocean, almost glowing in its vibrancy. Cas noted that his eyes were like that, too.

And those were just the physical features. There was a whole other mystery to who Dean was, not just what he was.

It made Castiel all the more protective.

Men have gone mad for far less. Now that Castiel’s crew - no, his ex-crew - have had a merman in their grasp, there was no guarantee they wouldn’t keep searching. He feared for Dean.

Your first priority is surviving.

That didn’t mean Castiel would make it his only priority.

As if sensing the stare, Dean turned his head to face Cas, a slight frown appearing on his brow.

“What is it?” The merman asked. Castiel shook his head.

“Nothing.”

“Whale shit. Talk to me.”

Cas sighed.

“I was thinking about what I would need to survive here. Food. Shelter. Drinkable water.” He looked over to the trees beyond. “If worse comes to worse, I will have to leave the cove, and I don’t want to because… because of a number of reasons.”

Dean nodded, clearly not satisfied with the answer. He knew there were things Cas wasn’t telling him, but the merman didn’t want to push it.

“Right.”

“I can’t go to any port,” Castiel continued, “as they would probably hang me on sight. Even if that wasn’t a large possibility, it would take me a lot of time and effort to construct a raft. Asking you to drag me across the water again is out of the question.”

“Why? You could always pay me after.” Dean winked, and Cas reasoned that the sudden heat in his cheeks must be an effect of the sun. Definitely not anything to do with the merman.

“Yes, well, uh, I’d rather keep my good health, or whatever’s left of it. Besides, you are still recovering.” Castiel tilted his head. “Speaking of recovering, I thought you would be spending as much time under the water as possible.”

“That was the plan.”

“Why aren’t you?”

The slight frown came back, but this time it was directed inward.

“I’m not sure.”

It was Castiel’s turn to nod. Dean was being genuine, that much he could tell.

Silence fell between them, broken only by the occasional wave and birdcry. Cas took the opportunity to begin on the shelter, in the hopes of finishing it before nightfall. If nothing else, then at least a cover to ward off some of the cold. The fact that he survived the first night, even with a fire, was a miracle. Dean provided more fish to ward off the hunger, but dehydration was setting in. He would have to look for fresh water, and soon. Perhaps the next day. It was a risk, delaying the search for basic needs, but with so many tasks needed to be completed, one can only do so much. Especially when carrying an injury that is still healing, albeit quickly.

I guess leaving the cove is inevitable.

“Can I ask you something?” Dean’s question came in the form of a low, shy whisper, just as the stars were beginning to appear in the sky. Luckily by that time, Cas’ shelter was finished, which gave him time to rest.

“Of course.”

“Why did you ask me for my name? Back on your ship?”

Cas blinked in surprise.

“I never saw you as anything less than a person or another being, Dean. You had a life. I suppose it was the least I could do before that life was taken away.”

“The least you could do?”

“To honour your name. To honour you, no matter what the future held.”

When no response came from the merman soon after, Castiel glanced over to make sure he hadn’t left (or that the wrong words hadn’t been said). Instead, he found Dean sitting in the surf, a mixture of wonder, shock, and contemplation on his face. It made Cas feel something he could only describe as mellow pride.

“Huh,” Dean finally uttered. “Well, I guess my future held you.”

And I hope it keeps holding you.

Neither male knew their wishes were the same.

Neither one could brave the loneliness.

And as fate would have it, neither of them were alone anymore.

Chapter Text

It took a lot of convincing from Dean, but eventually, Castiel was able to leave the cove.

“There’s no point in dragging your limp body halfway across the ocean, just for you to die of dehydration and stupidity.”

“Hey!”

“Then go!”

Of course, Dean wasn’t about to send him off without more food in his belly. More fish, tastier than before, and this time the two males ate together. Cas couldn’t help but glance over every now and then, watching as those sharp teeth sunk into the soft flesh so easily. Fear wasn’t something that he felt around Dean, but if there was one feature to be fearful of, it was those teeth. Why? The talons, though dangerous, were permanently visible. Those triangular teeth, however, meant hunger, danger, or death.

Castiel concluded that as long as they weren’t bared at him, he was fine.

There were other dangers to be aware of. As well as any dangerous creatures on the island (mainly snakes), there was always a chance Castiel’s old crew would come back. The possibility made him anxious, so much so that he fumbled while collecting fresh water from thick vines. He would have to go further inland to reach the freshwater springs.

If that damned stab wound didn’t slow him down too much, that is.

Dean reassured him time and again that it wouldn’t become infected, even so, the healing process was a pain. Carrying more than a certain amount of weight ended up with Cas leaning against a tree trunk, sweating, panting, groaning against the sharp ache.

By the time he returned to the cove with whatever he could carry, Dean was nowhere to be seen. Panic struck Castiel’s chest, until he saw a familiar tail flick up beyond the surf. Good. The merman was nearby, at least.

After consuming the last of the water and fish at hand, Castiel set about making a sled of sorts, in the hopes that it would make carrying items easier. He needed to make a proper waterskin sometime in the near future, as well as a weapon. Or a few. One can never be too careful.

Castiel never minded planning; it usually eased his mind. Back on the ship, he was the first to run through every possibility and the first to prepare, other than Captain Shurley. But now, as exposed as he was, planning his survival only seemed to make the human more anxious. With no drawing utensils to ease Castiel away from the anxiety, there was only one other way he knew how to cope: by singing.

“Upon one summer’s morning, I carefully did stray… Down by the walls of Wapping, where I met a sailor gay…”

The gravel of Cas’ voice roughened the melody, so much so that he debated staying silent, but he kept going.

“Conversing with a young lass, who seemed to be in pain… Saying “William, when you go, I fear you’ll never return again…”

Granted, the lyrics weren’t the most soothing, but Cas wasn’t paying attention to the lyrics. It was the melody that calmed him, the same melody that was hummed to him above the crib, and as he was held in comforting arms. The same melody that soothed his aching heart, day after day, year after year.

The same melody he carried in his heart, over oceans and seas, from one wooden vessel to another, like a familiar star in the sky.

“My heart is pierced by Cupid… I disdain all glittering gold… There is nothing can console me… But my jolly sailor bold…”

So busy with tinkering and singing was he, that Cas didn’t notice when Dean pulled himself up onto the sand. He didn’t notice Dean resting his head on one hand, listening with a calm sense of awe. There were many beautiful sounds of the sea, many created by merfolk themselves, but this… Dean could tell it came from the heart. And in that moment, it was the most beautiful sound he had ever heard.

“His hair it hangs in ringlets,” Castiel continued. “His eyes as black as coal… My happiness attend him wherever he may go…”

“From Tower Hill to Blackwall,” Dean joined in, enjoying the stunned look on Cas’ face. “I’ll wander, weep, and moan… All for my jolly sailor, until he sails home.”

Dean liften his head, letting his hand lower to the sand. Eyes locked, even with the fair bit of distance between them, the merman’s voice carried out clear as crystal. Each note was mesmerising, smooth and rough at the same time, and each word was uttered perfectly. It might have been the heat of the day, but Castiel swore the merman sang both to and for him.

“My heart is pierced by Cupid, I disdain all glittering gold… There is nothing can console me but my jolly sailor bold.” When Cas did nothing but stare open-mouthed, Dean’s own smile faltered. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to ruin the moment.”

“No, you didn’t ruin anything! Dean, that was beautiful!” Cas immediately cursed his impulsive mouth, and missed the blush colouring Dean’s cheeks.

“You really think so?”

“Of course. I had read about merfolk singing, how their voices led even the most cold-hearted out to sea, but I never…” Cas burst into a smile. “It was a privilege to hear that. Thank you.”

Dean ducked his head.

“You don’t have to thank me for anything, Cas.”

It was Castiel’s turn to blush, There was something about Dean’s awkward honesty that struck a positive chord within him. It was almost adorable.

Cas continued to build and plan, but this time, he allowed Dean’s gentle humming to fill his ears, instead of his own voice. By the time the melody had ended, the human found himself at peace. Complete, content, an almost homely peace. It took him far too long to realise something.

“How do you know that song?” Cas asked lightheartedly. 

“My mother,” Dean answered. Castiel managed to catch the merman’s jaw clenching, but just as he was about to dismiss the question, Dean continued. “She would collect human songs, so to speak. Used to sing them to me and my brother all the time.”

“You have a brother?”

Dean smiled. “Yeah. A little brother named Sam. Well, not so little anymore. He stays in our school’s territory, I’m more free-roaming. We meet a few times a year, if circumstances allow it.”

“That’s nice. And your mother?”

Again, that jaw clench, but this time more pronounced.

“Let’s just say anything to do with my parents is… complicated.”

Cas couldn’t do much but nod. Current project abandoned, he stood up and made his way over to Dean, choosing to sit beside the merman. It earned him a curious sidelong glance, complete with a raised eyebrow, but Castiel ignored it.

“Parents in general are complicated,” said the human.

“Why? You got trouble with yours?”

A small, sad smile.

“No. I was always grateful for my mother, always. She clothed me, fed me, loved me no matter what. We spent most of our lives on one ship or the other, travelling the world. Running, more like it. She taught me how to survive, how to fight, how to navigate the ocean like it was the palm of our hands.” Cas hung his head. “But she was a woman. And that meant hiding herself from lust-driven men. It meant killing to live another day, or to protect me, because no one would help her. She was branded a whore because of my absent father, and hung as a witch, because she had the audacity to take charge of her own life.” Teardrops fell from Castiel’s eyes, but they would not stop him. He raised his head to look at Dean. “Men failed my mother. This song is the last thing I have of her. Soon it will be my only memory of someone who did everything for herself, and for me. So much pain, just to see the end of the next sunrise. Men are cruel, Dean. It’s part of the reason why I hate staying on land. In the confines of a normal life, you see their ugliest sides, but at sea… they sneer at its lawlessness. They don’t see its love and freedom.” Cas tore his gaze away from the merman, instead looking out past the horizon. “This song, these waters, they are my home. They have given me more than any man, including Captain Shurley. And I would die before my life is taken by anything other than a storm or the tide.”

A taloned hand rested carefully upon Castiel arm, followed by a soft voice.

“I’m sorry,” Dean said. “I really am.”

“Thank you.” Cas wiped the tears away from his face. 

Silence stretched between them. It was Dean who broke it first.

“My mother is dead, too.”

“What happened?”

“It was a whaling ship. They harpooned her instead of the calf they were chasing. We tried to get the whales to safety and…” Dean shook his head. “When I got back alone, my father cursed me, told me that if I was stronger I could have saved her. That… bastard had no love in his heart that wasn’t for my mother. I can’t go back home. Sam meets me as often as he can, tells me about his mate, says our father is nothing more than a shadow. I said it’s what he deserved. I was angry, Cas. I still am at so many things. At my father, at men, at myself. Hell, the first time we met, I was angry at you, as if you personally tied that net around me.”

“That’s understandable. I was a part of the party responsible. And, Dean, your anger is normal. It’s almost rational. Your life was shattered, and you were left with no help.”

“But I did have help. I had you.”

“Almost too late.”

“No. No, even before that night, I… Cas, I had been following your ship for a week beforehand. I would stay well below the water during the day, mostly hunting, but at night, I would be braver. I would come up to the surface and observe. Sometimes I'd catch you looking out over the edge, humming to yourself. That week saved me from a dark abyss with no light. You helped me, long before we both knew it."

The flashes of colour. The fish scattering. It all made sense.

"That was you?"

"You noticed?"

"Of course I did. It's a miracle no one else noticed as well. You weren't exactly the most subtle."

Dean looked down, a small smirk gracing his lips.

"Yes, well, if I hadn't been there in the first place, this could have all been avoided." He touched the pads of his fingers to Castiel's wound. Surprisingly, there was no pain. "I almost cost you your life."

Castiel tenderly touched Dean's arm in response. Dean's eyes shot up; it was perhaps the second time he had been surprised in the last few minutes. 

"Almost," Cas countered. "I would argue that, if this is the price to pay for your life in turn, then it is worth it."

"Why? Just because I am a merman?"

"No. Because you deserve second chances. You are worth it because of who you are, not what you are. You deserve to be saved, Dean."

Dean was stunned into silence. So many years of hating himself, sometimes of what he is, and every word from this human keeps crumbling it away. If Dean didn't know any better, he'd say humans have a magic of their own.

Or maybe it was just Cas.

Cas, who shared more similarities with him than Dean would have ever dreamed. Cas, who had bled for the world as much as he did, yet still bore his heart. 

Cas, who caught Dean's eye from the moment the merman saw him, leaning over the deck of the wooden ship, staring out with longing.

Dean knew there was something about this human. He could feel it. But words never came by as easily as they did for Castiel, so the merman let the silence grow.

It was a comfort. And an understanding. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It took a while for them to break physical contact with each other, but even so, neither male left the other's side for the rest of the day. They ate together, watched the waves together, and even watched the sun sink below the horizon. Castiel only left Dean’s side to start the fire, though it wasn’t necessary for that time being; Dean was using his magic again to keep his friend warm, despite Cas’ protests.

Cas began pointing out different stars and constellations, recalling their names and stories. Dean listened intently, absolutely encaptured not just by Castiel’s bountiful knowledge, but also his passion. 

He must have been born with a storyteller’s soul.

Dean, in turn, explained how navigation under the sea was less about sight. Rather, it was a feeling, a result of generations of memories being kept alive in skin and blood. It was how whales and turtles knew where their feeding grounds were, and how they could go back to their exact birthplaces.

“It’s not as precise with merfolk,” Dean continued, “but even if we undergo a physical change, the memories are still there.”

Cas chuckled.

“For humans, undergoing a physical change often means becoming a man or a woman.”

“Oh no, we can actually alter our bodies willingly, not just in terms of growing up. The most common change is when some merfolk who were born female alter their bodies to become male, or vice versa. The transition doesn’t even have to be all the way through, it can be partial, so you have different physical traits. That is more common with merfolk who are neither male nor female, but not necessary.” Dean grinned. “Would you ever have thought that I was born a female?”

Castiel mirrored the merman’s grin.

“I never would have known. Thank you for telling me.”

Dean waved a taloned hand.

“Ah, it’s not a big deal, really. The change was used in our earliest generations to increase, uh, breeding. Now it’s just common practice for if we’re not comfortable in the bodies we’re born with.”

"That's amazing," Cas replied in awe. "I've seen people get killed for that on land, but for you, it's just so seamless."

"Not really, the process takes about a week."

"I didn't mean-"

"I know what you meant, I'm just teasing." Dean glanced sideways at Cas. "You sure have seen a lot of death in your life, haven't you?"

Castiel's smile faltered.

"Yes."

"Do you ever get used to it?"

The human looked up to the stars, watching them twinkle in the blackness.

"I used to tell my- those around me that it never weighed on my mind. That the blood could easily be washed off. But in truth? It hurts. Even after all these years. I had to do whatever it took to survive, but that never made it any easier. Just made me wonder what separated the man in front of the blade, and the man behind it."

Cas didn't need to look over to know that Dean had shifted closer. The merman's voice was lower, softer now.

"Maybe the difference was a reason. Maybe… maybe fighting for your own life made you better than someone who fought to spread ruin and rage. You're not heartless, Cas. In fact, I think that heart saved you from becoming a monster like them."

Cas couldn't help but smile. Granted, his friend wasn't the best at speaking, but he understood the main message. 

"Thank you, Dean."

The merman rolled his eyes. Though Cas didn't see it, he definitely felt it.

"Seriously, when are you going to stop thanking me?"

"When you stop saying or doing things I am grateful for."

Dean nudged his friend's shoulder, prompting Cas to laugh and nudge him back a little harder. It soon turned into playful shoving, which then turned into throwing water in each other’s faces. Dean pushed himself further out into the water, splashing with his tail in a teasing manner.

Logic was abandoned, as well as any remaining shred of worry. There was nothing but Cas, Dean, and the water surrounding them. Laughter filled the cove. Fun filled their souls. It made Dean’s reflective eyes twinkle in the semi-darkness, and Cas felt light. Freer than ever before.

If their fates were to become stranded eternally with only each other as company, then they could live off of this moment alone. Each would drink it in place of water, and use this memory to feed their own hungry heart. The world be damned; for the night, this was their world in front of them.

Forget survival. These two made each other want to live.

It was only when they were returning to shore, tired but happy, that the human male realised his injury didn’t hurt at all. In fact, when Cas ran his fingers over where the wound should be, all he felt was the barest of scar tissue.

“I thought you were only using your magic to keep me warm.”

The merman smirked.

"Can't have you hobbling up and down all the time, now can I?"

"Dean-"

"I know, I know. You're worried about my recovery, and I should be using that magic for myself. But Cas, I'm fine. Really. Most of the burns are already gone." That, Castiel noted, was true. "Besides, you were in the water again. I didn't want to pass up the opportunity, and I didn't like seeing you in pain. You know, you've… you have a lot more to worry about above the water. I just wanted to make it a bit easier."

I care about you, Cas.

Castiel wasn't fluent enough in reading Dean to hear the unspoken. But in some special way, he could feel the echo of it.

I hope I can give to you as much as you give to me. Maybe more.

What Cas didn't realise, however, is that what he was willing to give to Dean was, in fact, everything.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Sleep evaded Cas for most of the night. 

It wasn't because of the wet clothing; those were taken off to dry, and Cas himself was as close to the lively fire as possible.

And though Dean had returned to deeper waters for the moment, his absence didn't bother the human. Dean had all but promised to return, without saying the words ("I still don't make promises, Cas.")

No, the thing that made Castiel gaze at the stars with a smile, was a feeling. Something was blooming within his chest, something slow and bright and beautiful. There wasn't a name for the feeling, not yet.

All Castiel knew was that Dean made him feel better.

Chapter Text

Little more than two weeks had passed since their first arrival on the island. Castiel knew, because he had kept a tally of every single day on the arch of the cove. It was just a matter of finding the right stone.

Little by little, the courage to venture further into the island grew. With his wound fully healed, Castiel was able to increase his chances of survival. He found himself less anxious because of it.

Of course, most of the credit for that courage went to Dean.

In his own way, the merman kept assuring Cas that it would be alright, that he wasn’t going anywhere. Each was capable of handling any danger, at least until help could be acquired. If not, well, the next best solution was yelling.

“It’s a shame you can’t grow legs,” Cas had commented.

“We used to be able to. But after generations of keeping away from land, that ability is now dormant. Probably completely gone now.”

“That’s a shame.”

“It really is. Unless you want to carry me everywhere,” Dean replied, accompanied by a wink. It took Cas far too long to recover from that, though what “that” was, he wasn’t sure.

It’s just Dean. Get ahold of yourself.

Turns out that getting a hold of oneself was becoming more difficult. Especially when whatever birthed itself in Castiel’s chest was growing by the day.

Every night he asked himself what it was. And every night, the answer escaped him.

Cas had to remind himself that it wasn’t his first priority.

A lot of progress had been made in that time. More materials had been gathered, crafted, and added to the ever growing “collection” in the cove. Waterskins, weapons, and a sturdier shelter made up the majority of it (Cas wanted to make a fishnet once, but Dean adamantly rejected it). The discovery of a few freshwater streams further inland was one of the better developments. It was further than Castiel would have liked, but the man wasn’t complaining.

Whatever helps you live should not be taken for granted.

Of course, there were days when the line between living and staying alive blurred.

Those were the days when Dean would be leaning back in the shallow waters, a relaxed smile on his face as the water glitters around him.

Or when they stay up well into the night, exchanging stories under a smiling night sky.

But that line blurred most when Dean simply called him “Cas.”

Dean was the first who dared to. That first night, on Captain Shurley’s ship. The fact that Castiel had responded to it then as easily as he did now… he liked it. And he didn’t.

Castiel knew he shouldn’t be so attached to the merman. It wasn’t a matter of “I can survive well enough on my own,” rather, he knew he would have to in the end. Dean’s sunburn was gone; he was back at full strength. There was only one small thread tying the merman to this cove, and Cas knew it wasn’t going to be enough. That thread was bound to break.

A friend would not keep him from freedom.

Come to think of it, Cas didn’t know why Dean bothered to stay. He didn’t know why Dean kept hunting for him, or continue his incessant winks and quips. It was already a large enough matter, in Castiel’s eyes, that the merman chose to sing or hum in times of distress.

Every little thing Dean gave of himself, his time, or his effort was a gift, and yet they were given so freely.

It baffled Cas to no end. Though that didn’t mean he complained. If anything, he was going to make the most out of every moment with Dean.

That was a gift Cas took for himself.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Hey, how well do you know the island?”

Castiel looked up from his work - which was the unnecessary task of weaving a basket - to see Dean grinning like a little boy.

“Not that well. Like I said, I’ve been here before. Once with my mother and once with Captain Shurley’s crew. Why do you ask?”

“Ooh, so you haven’t been to the caves.” Dean’s eyes were practically sparkling.

“What caves?”

“There’s a whole cave system to one side of the island! An entrance to one of the smaller chambers is just out past the cove as well!”

Ah. That explained the excitement.

Cas smiled.

“That sounds lovely, Dean.”

“It is. And you’re coming with me to see it.”

Cas nearly dropped the half-finished basket.

“What? No, Dean, I-”

“We’re going.”

“But-”

“I’m giving you no choice.”

“Deeeeaaan-”

“Look, you work too hard as it is, anyway. You have enough equipment, food, and water… have a little fun for once!”

“I do have fun.”

“Splashing around and talking to me isn’t fun.”

It is to me.

“Fine,” Cas conceded. Dean’s tail did a happy little flick out of the water, and if the man was being honest, it was worth it.

“Great! Now hurry up and get in the water!”

Dean pushed himself back into the waves until he was fully submerged, then he disappeared. By the time Cas had managed to wade until the water was up to his waist, the merman flipped like a dolphin out of the surf.

“Showoff,” he chuckled.

Dean came back when Castiel was submerged up to his chest. The merman circled once, twice, then popped his head above the surface.

“Hi.”

“Hello, Dean,” Cas giggled.

“You ready?”

As soon as Castiel nodded (with much enthusiasm, I might add) Dean hooked one arm under his friend’s legs, while the other wrapped around the waist. Cas likened the hold to a groom carrying their bride after some weddings, but he quickly wiped that thought from his mind.

Although that didn’t stop him from noting how strong the merman’s arms were.

“Hold your breath.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was a blur of blues and greens. Salt-stung eyes squinted against the water rushing past, then closed. Castiel buried his head in the crook of Dean’s neck, attempting to shield his face, and he felt Dean chuckle rather than heard it.

“I forgot you can’t see that well underwater,” the merman said, amused. His voice was somehow clearer below the surface than above it. “Especially at high speeds. Don’t worry, we’re almost there, trust me.”

Cas nodded, hoping he would understand. Dean was already using his magic on Cas, keeping that one held breath lasting far longer than it should. That was more than enough.

I already trust you with my life.

A sudden change in direction brought them to a darkened area, and if Castiel didn’t know any better, he would have said they were inside a passage. One of his feet hit against stone, and the sudden pain prompted him to curl further into Dean.

“Sorry. Just a little further…”

They finally broke through the surface, and though he didn’t need to, Cas took in a deep breath. Ignoring another chuckle from the merman, he lifted his head to wipe the water from his face, and take a better look at the new environment. Much to his confusion, Cas saw nothing but darkness. Aside from the gentle lapping of water, there was nothing to be heard, either.

“What-” Castiel began, but was quietly cut off by Dean.

“Shh. Just wait.”

So Cas did. Arms still secure around each other, the two males patiently tread water, calm breaths added to the echoed sounds of the cavern. Turns out, they didn’t have to wait long.

The first appearance was accompanied by Castiel’s soft gasp. As more and more revealed themselves, Cas found himself to be a small child again, gazing up at the wonders of the world.

However small that world might be.

“Stars,” he breathed, eyes fixed to the millions of glowing blue pinpoints of light attached to the ceiling of the cavern. “They look like stars.”

“They do,” Dean agreed. The two whispered as to not disturb the light too much. “Have you never seen them before?”

“No, no… in all my years, I never… It must have been all the noise we made.” Cas reached out with one hand, pretending as if he were able to touch the light, so far above him. “They’re beautiful.”

“They are.” The softness - no, adoration - in Dean’s voice brought Cas’ gaze back to his friend. Though there wasn’t much to see by, there was still enough light to be reflected in those familiar green eyes.

If only Cas knew, those same eyes have noticed nothing other than him since the moment they arrived.

“Is this why you wanted me to come?”

Dean dipped his face, an attempt to hide the smile that grew.

“Mostly, yeah,” the merman admitted. “But I did mean it when I said you worked too hard. I just thought you might like this.”

“I do. I really do, I love the lights, I love this, I love y-” Cas caught his tongue. “I love your brilliant ideas. And this by far is one of the best. Thank you.”

He hadn’t noticed before how close they were. Still in Dean’s arms, their faces were only the barest of distances apart. The merman’s eyes shifted for a split second, and Cas swore on his life that they dipped down to his lips. But that was ridiculous. He could have easily imagined it in the dark… right?

“No problem, Cas.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They stayed in that cavern for what seemed like hours. By the time they emerged, the sun was well beyond its peak, almost ready to dip into the golden hours of the day. A beautiful contrast to the living stars they spent so much time admiring.

Or, at least, Castiel did, though he wouldn’t know. It never crossed his mind that Dean would be looking anywhere else, let alone at him.

The shore welcomed them back with small waves and a hushed breeze. When contact was finally broken, Dean offered to hunt for Cas again, much to his friend’s protests. He said he didn’t mind, especially if it meant Cas didn’t have to work so hard.

Was it the cooling air that sent a shiver down the human’s spine? Or was it the way Dean smiled, his eyes softening in a way Cas had never seen them do before?

Whatever the reason, as he watched Dean splash back into the glistening waters, Castiel realised what that growing feeling in his chest was: love.

He was in love with Dean.

And it broke his heart.

Dean’s home was the sea, not with some man. And Cas was going to make damn sure that that love would not be another cage or net around the merman.

Chapter Text

It was for the best.

This is what Castiel reminded himself every time he put distance between himself and Dean.

It started with urging Dean to go out at sea more, and not just to hunt. There would always be some excuse, such as wanting Dean to get used to more open waters again, or insisting he shouldn’t wait for Cas to finish his work.

Soon it evolved to Cas spending more time away from the shore, returning when the sky began to darken. The expression on Dean’s face on those evenings went from understanding, to disappointment, and possibly even hurt. Cas had to hide his own pain in the form of avoiding Dean’s eyes, but how long could he hold that up for?

Every day, he fell more and more for the merman. It was the little things; Dean’s smile, his eyes, his laugh, the burning passion Dean carried with him at all times. It was how Dean could be so brash yet so vulnerable, shielded yet open. Dean would give and give and give to show he cared, and he did, Cas had no doubt about that. The merman loved more fiercely than he hated.

Castiel’s love wasn’t as bold. It was gentle, constant, and unwavering. Yet even in love, he could never allow himself to be selfish.

Go home. Go out. Please. It’s where you belong.

Cas couldn’t provide him the freedom he needed. He couldn’t provide Dean with a home, or future, or even the best protection. There was nothing of value, materialistic or otherwise, that he could offer.

There was nothing Castiel could give a being so beautiful.

How could Dean ever want him?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was one of those nights when it all came to a head.

The fire was crackling, and the waves continued their shushed rhythm against the sand, but not a word was spoken between the two friends.

Dean was on his back on the cold sand, talons behind his head as he gazed up at the stars. They used to gaze together. Cas, meanwhile, stared into the orange and gold flames, half wondering why they didn’t seem so vibrant anymore. The warmth was almost mocking.

“Are we going to talk about it?”

Cas snapped out of his melancholy trance to focus on Dean. The merman’s eyes were fixed firmly on the sky, but his voice was directed at the man.

“Talk about what?” Cas replied, his heart like a frightened rabbit.

“I’m not stupid, Cas. There’s something going on, you’re just not telling me.”

“Nothing’s going on-”

“Whale. Shit.” Dean sat up, his eyes absolutely boring into Castiel. “I’m not sure whether you know it or not, but you’ve been pushing me away. You’ve been sending me out, I barely see you anymore, hell, I can’t even talk to you anymore!”

“We talked yesterday.”

“That wasn’t talking! We just said “goodnight” to each other and slept!” Cas flinched; he didn’t sleep at all last night. Dean must’ve thought the flinch was due to the raised tone, so he lowered it again. “Sorry.”

“I’m sorry, too.”

“No, no, I don’t want you to be sorry, I want you to be alright.” Dean leant forward, and he was so earnest, so caring, that Cas had to look away. “Tell me what’s wrong. Please. I want to help you, I don’t… I don’t want to be alone anymore. I don’t want you so far away from me.”

It took everything within Castiel to hold back a sob.

“Maybe if you were with your own kind, you wouldn’t be so lonely.”

The pause that followed carried more weight and tension than the entire world.

”What?”

“You heard me correctly,” Cas continued. His heart screamed to take it all back. “Perhaps it would be better for you if you were with other merfolk. Someone of your species, possibly even find a mate-”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, hold on. My species? Since when has it become an issue?”

“It’s always been an issue, we were just delaying the inevitable.”

“Excuse me?”

“Dean, don’t be so naive. Did you really think it was going to last? A human and a merman, friends forever on a lonely island in the middle of nowhere? It’s impossible. You have your own world, and I have mine, and even if you could grow a pair of stupid legs, we could never be equals. Never.”

“Equals,” Dean repeated, then scoffed. “I get it. What, I was never good enough for you? Never human enough?”

“You’re not human at all, Dean.”

You’re more human than anyone else I have ever met.

“Maybe I should have left you to drown,” Dean muttered. White hot anger surged through Cas at those words, turning everything within him to ice, including his voice.

“And maybe I should remind you that our debts were settled long ago. I saved you, you saved me, we are even, and have been for a long time. In fact, besides hunting, you have had no other uses for me for a long time either.” Regret slammed into Cas faster than the anger, but he kept going. “And even if I had left you on he ship, it wouldn’t have mattered if you appeared at a fish market, a witch’s den, or even presented before a fucking king, no one in their right mind would sully their presence with an abandoned freak of nature like you.”

Please realise I’m not talking about you. Please, please, realise that.

Dean looked like some had slapped him in the face. Cas might as well have. Every syllable punched their way through Dean's chest, until he was left with nothing but broken bones and an empty hole. The merman looks out towards the sea, inhaling then letting out a shuddering breath.

"Tell me you don't mean it," Dean begged quietly. "Lie if you have to. Just tell me what you said isn't true."

How could he? If Cas refused, he would be lying. But if he told the truth, Dean would never believe him now. Those words were meant to cut deep. So Cas kept quiet.

"Have you always thought of me like that? A freak, a tool? A means to an end?"

More silence from Cas.

"Say something, please. Anything."

Fine.

"Goodbye, Dean."

There was another pause, broken only by a short sniffle from the merman.

Oh god. I made Dean cry.

"You know what? Fuck you. You're dead to me."

Cas didn't even have time to turn around when the merman disappeared into the water. He called Dean's name once, twice, hoping there would be some sort of response, but there was none. It worked. He was all alone again.

A bitter, broken success.

"I'm sorry," Cas whispered into the night, his useless apology carrying over waters he dared not touch. "I am so, so sorry."

It was another restless night for Castiel, only this time, there would be no merman to greet him in the morning.

What had he done?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It was the little things that hurt the most.

Cas had to make a fishing line, one he could leave in the water and not have to hold for hours, or even think about. Until it came time for repairs, that is.

There was no smiling face at the shoreline. Perhaps the seabirds, if he were lucky.

Nights became longer, and sleep turned into a luxury, one Cas kept chasing. But it would not be caught. Dark circles formed under the eyes, while dark clouds stormed and grew within the chest. Whatever had previously blossomed inside was battered and bruised, over and over again.

If this was hell, then Castiel supposed his punishment was to relive his failure over and over again. Every element of his last conversation with Dean creeped around his mind, like vines over an abandoned house. Sometimes they would creep a little more than usual, leaving Cas paralysed in the middle of a task, his eyes open but unseeing.

Regret was a monster that refused to be quiet.

Why couldn’t he forget so easily? Simple. Cas’ bond with Dean had become so profound, he had never experienced anything like it. It was hard to imagine that he ever will. A love as deep as this… it tends to leave scars. Cas had come to terms with the fact that he may very well carry those scars for the rest of his life.

There were times when he would see if there was a second chance left. Poking and prodding at fate with a foolish hope that, somehow, his call will be answered.

“Come back,” Cas would whisper at the quietest hours of day. “Please come back.”

The waves brought him nothing, and the little flicker of hope dimmed more each time.

What is a man to do if he cannot move on?

Chapter Text

One should never ignore a darkening sky, nor take them lightly.

While not all clouds indicated a storm approaching, it was best to prepare for even the slightest of rainfall.

Unfortunately, in this case, it was a storm.

Castiel had been keeping an eye on the clouds for a long while. Every bone in his body told him to prepare for a turbulent day of reckoning, but he held off the preparations. The man half-heartedly assured himself that there would be enough time later.

It was the first time he had been wrong about a storm.

The wild winds came out of nowhere, fast and merciless. Hair, dirt, and grains of sand both whipped past Castiel’s eyes, as he struggled to fasten down any loose items. Trees, rocks, anything that could provide stability.

What if you didn't bother? What if you just let it all fly away?

Castiel had to physically shake his head to clear away such thoughts. He could not afford them, not right now. Besides, he owed more to himself, at least.

The storm grew far too rapidly. It was as if the heavy rain poured down in the time it took to blink. Cold seeped into everything, including Castiel, right down to their core. He had seen what rain as freezing as this could do to a man, and it was not a fate he wished for himself.

The shelter was flimsy, but it did its job, for the most part. There was almost nothing to be done about the lack of warmth; fires were useless, and the closest thing Castiel had for a blanket were the clothes on his back. Sickness was the last thing he needed.

The man’s teeth began chattering long before the first lightning strike.

At first they were too far away to cause any concern. Though the world lit up for a split second, the thunder that followed was faint. But then Castiel noticed that with each strike, the lightning came closer… and closer… and closer…

“Please don’t-”

The bolt that struck the beach nearly blinded him. Sand turned to glass. The light became far more dangerous. Deafening thunder rumbled over the whole island, absolutely battering Castiel’s huddled form. Hands over ears. Eyes squeezed shut. He didn’t even know he screamed.

Bolt after powerful bolt cascaded from the sky. The winds screamed back.

“Help me! Help me!”

But there would be no reply. The storm carried his voice away, replacing everything inside with fear.

“Wait out the storm,” he cried to himself. An anchor. Whatever happens, he will prevail. He had to. “Wait out the storm, wait out the storm, wait out the storm…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It had lasted for the rest of the day, night, and almost into the next morning. Castiel felt absolutely no ease at any point of the ordeal, but he made it.

He made it.

Despite all the darkness he faced.

Some of his belongings had been taken by the storm, lost due to poor security. Castiel had to remind himself that they were just things, objects he could easily replace. It wasn’t as if he had much else to do.

Not anymore, at least.

The beach was soaked almost all the way up to the treeline, with natural debris everywhere. There were patches of glass here and there; it was the first time Castiel had seen that on sand that wasn’t black. Satisfied that the storm had well and truly passed, he began moving all his belongings back to their original places. Fatigue and the occasional sneeze hindered what was already a difficult task (again, sickness was the last thing the man needed). A part of Castiel wondered if staying by the trees would be better. Easier. One look at the dirtied waves lapping the shore, however, and he knew he couldn’t stay away from the sea. It was his home… and his heart.

You’re hoping he will come back to you. It’s a foolish hope.

He knew. Oh, how he knew.

There was so much to do, so much to take back, so much ahead. It was overwhelming, and Castiel’s mind running around it all didn’t help. Too much, too tired, weighed down, overwhelmed. When was the last time he slept? Normally, Castiel would have been able to erase such exhaustion, first with the help of his mother, then with all of Captain Shurley’s crew having each other’s backs. If nothing else, then duty kept the figurative tidal waves at bay. But there was no one else anymore. No family, no crew, no friend nor almost lover.

Castiel only had himself.

So he would give himself what others could not.

He had done all he could do, achieved all he was able to achieve. Once the limit was reached, Castiel forced himself to crawl back into his shelter; not that a lot of force was needed, if he was being honest. Maybe if fate was kind, he could get a proper sleep. Maybe if his mind was kinder, it would accept the invitation of slumber, perhaps even a dream. A pleasant one, if he were lucky.

But if the world did not allow him kindness, then he would allow it for himself. Despite all he has done, he owed it to himself. It was needed.

Castiel could be kind to himself.

Castiel could be kind...

Chapter Text

It was almost a routine at that point.

Wake up, eat, make repairs, replenish supplies. Bathe himself in the sunset. Think only at night.

It was a productive life, but dull. Despite being surrounded by colour, all he felt was grey. Despite getting so much done, he was never fulfilled. Castiel supposed that was how the rest of his life would be, a dull rhythm that was easy to follow, but at least he would be keeping himself alive.

No matter how many times doubt crept into Castiel’s mind, he always managed to push it back down, thoroughly convincing himself that this was fine. It was steady. It was a lie.

There were still some minor joys to be held on the island, some he made for himself. At the end of every week, Castiel would dive down as far as he could, collecting a single shell to keep. There were some mellow orange ones, a few vibrant purple ones, and a pair of pure white shells that reminded him of angel wings. It was a purely self indulgent ritual, to collect the beauty of the sea, though he almost stopped after finding a smooth green stone. Almost.

That stone was added to the collection, right at the top.

Sometimes Castiel would catch himself sitting in the shallowest waves, casually running his hands through the clear water. Emotions would ebb and flow like the tide, but never release. Hollowness filled every other crevice. Feeling everything one could not feel anymore. Sometimes he would ache, most times he would just be.

Castiel would have wished to remain as steady as the sea, if he didn’t know that the sea is anything but steady. There was change, constantly, both above and below.

If only he knew how soon that change would apply to him.

It was a busier day than usual when it happened. Aside from weaving, fishing, and repurposing torn clothing, Castiel had also swum for far longer. Call it childish, but he absolutely refused to take any discarded shell if it didn’t feel right, if there was no spark. It took him so long to find one, and when he did, the shape of the shell took his breath away… almost literally. Opening his mouth would have been unfortunate, as he was underwater after all. Castiel held the precious object to his chest for a second, before pocketing it.

Exhausted after the swim, the man headed straight for his waterskins, but found them both to be empty. Damn. He should have filled them before heading out. Cursing himself for the hindsight, Castiel had to drag himself all the way to the freshwater streams, which only added to the exhaustion. Luckily there was enough fuel for the fire already; he had absolutely no energy for gathering tinder this late in the afternoon. If that were the case, Castiel had half a mind to sleep in the forest.

As time went on, that feeling of being pulled to a deep, dreamless slumber grew. He had to force himself to eat something beforehand, no point in waking up hungry in the middle of the night.

The last thing he saw that night was the gentle swaying of the flames, before sleep finally embraced him in a tight hold. It almost became a death hold.

He did not get to see the ship sailing towards the cove, with the break of dawn just behind its sails.

He did not see the manned longboats that were rowing towards shore.

Exhaustion prevented him from waking up to the quiet sniggers and jeers of men, but by then it was too late.

What did wake Castiel up was the hard kick of a boot at his back, and the cocking of a pistol.

Never before had panic set in so fast.

“Hello again, Mr Novak. Long time no see.”

They’d found him.

Captain Shurley’s crew.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A sore back and bruised cheek were enough to keep Castiel on his knees. Those, and the two men at his sides.

He had tried to stand, but was promptly hit from behind before the attempt was completed. Gabriel and Raphael kept Castiel down by the arms, while Michael appeared from behind, delivering a nasty blow with the butt of his rifle. A warning to stay down.

Castiel had no energy to argue.

Various members of the crew split up to carry out different tasks. A mix of new and familiar faces scattered across what was once a quiet home, all of them dangerous. Some headed into the forest to restock supplies, but the majority stayed near the shore. They poked and prodded through Castiel’s belongings, his shelter, everything. Some were destroyed; hours of work, gone in an instant. Castiel truly saw red, however, when one of the unfamiliar crew members stepped on the shells he had so lovingly collected. It brought on a surge of energy, but as soon as Castiel acted on it, his two former crewmates jerked him back down, with Raphael not hesitating to punch him in the face. Blood. His nose was broken.

“Try that again, and I’ll give you something uglier,” Raphael sneered. It was clear by the obvious delight that he had wanted to do that for a while.

“At least this can heal,” Castiel retorted. He gestured his head towards Raphael’s neck. “Unlike those.”

That earned him a scowl and another punch. Even after all that time, the talon marks from Raphael and Dean’s first meeting were clear as day. Merfolk wounds may close, but the marks of each unfortunate encounter will remain for life; a minor curse.

By then, Castiel’s head was swimming, the pain making his eyes tear up.

“Gentle, gentle, boys,” a familiar voice ordered. “We don’t want to damage him too much now.”

The former navigator had to blink the tears away, but even then, he didn’t need sight to recognise the man who had been his superior for years.

“Captain Chuck Shurley. What a surprise.”

“Yes, I suppose not wearing my usual coat and hat does come at a surprise,” Chuck replied. “What I find more astonishing, however, is how you managed to survive. If I recall correctly, you were shot and threw yourself overboard, and yet here you are. Without a wound.” Shurley crouched in front of Castiel, close enough that both men could study the details of each other’s face.

If those details happened to be hidden fury on one man, and not so hidden disdain on the other.

“How did you do it, Castiel?”

“Why do you want to know?”

“Oh, don’t be like that, I only want to make small talk. It’s not as if you have anything better to do than to answer me, anyway. Now, one last time… how did you survive?”

Don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t do it, don’t-

“The merman helped.”

Damn it, and damn you.

“Oh! The little fish we caught saved you? Well isn’t that charming? Now, tell me, where is your saviour now? I miss having it on my ship.”

Every word made the anger bubble away furiously inside of Castiel, but he kept it down.

“You mean torturing him.”

“Only slightly. I made sure it wasn’t anything irreversible.”

SLIGHTLY?!

Castiel didn’t even realise he had lunged forward, not until he was forced face down into the sand. Gabriel pressed a knee against his back, and it was only until Michael pulled him up by the hair that Castiel was able to breathe again. Good thing his mind stopped him from inhaling sand.

“I see someone has a soft spot for the fish,” Chuck continued, absolutely unfazed. “I wonder… did it have a soft spot for you, too?

“He didn’t,” Castiel grunted.

He never has.

There was movement, and suddenly, he was pulled up to his knees again. Chuck grabbed Castiel’s chin with force, the polite mask starting to crack. The captain studied his former navigator’s face.

“Castiel. Where’s the merman?”

“Gone. I made sure of it.”

“And will it return?”

“No. I made sure of that, too.”

Chuck clicked his tongue in disappointment.

“Pity. You could have lived a little longer.” The captain stood. “You cost me a lifetime of wealth. You already knew that could never be forgiven. However, because of your years of service, Mr Novak, I will grant you a quicker death than usual. Boys… drown him, like he should have from the beginning.”

It took all of Michael, Gabriel, and Raphael’s strengths to lift Castiel and drag him towards the water. It was a cruel twist of fate, one the man would not accept willingly. Fighting against such fit people, when Cas was in such terrible health himself, bore no fruit for him.

They reached waist-high water before the crew members decided it was far enough. Raphael was far too eager to be the one who held down Castiel’s head, while the other two maneuvered his battered body. Cas thoroughly refused to let this be his end, but a part of him knew, denial would only get him so far.

“Say your final prayers, Novak,” seethed Raphael. He never gave time to do so.

Down, down, under the surface, Castiel’s face went. There was not enough strength in him to fight back, and not enough breath to last him against three men anyway. Bubbles rose, and blurred turquoise filled his vision. Even in the rising sunlight, it looked so bright.

A cruel twist of fate indeed. The water would take his life after all, but only at the orders of men.

So with the last ounce of air left in him, Cas graced his lips with the sweetest word he had ever uttered.

“Dean…”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Something slammed into the men above.

With the weight off of him, Cas lifted his head, gasping in the much needed air. A second longer, and his lungs would have been filled with water instead.

Confused, he looked around for whatever had caused them to let go, but all he saw were still bodies, crimson waters… and a flash of green.

There was a shout from the shoreline; someone had noticed the blood. Three of the crew rushed into the waters, thinking Cas was responsible.

If only they knew that the actual killer was much more dangerous.

And pissed as hell.

One disappeared under the waters in a flash.

One screamed as talons ripped into their stomach.

The last pirate was grabbed around the throat by a creature who was the storm-whipped sea incarnate. Sharp teeth and fury made short work of the poor fool.

An inhuman sound pierced the air, something between a shriek and a loud hiss. It was a warning, and a challenge, but most of all, a threat.

Do. Not. Touch. Cas.

Chuck Shurley was the only one to respond.

“It’s the merman! Capture it, whatever the cost!”

Pistol fire rang out in the morning air, but luckily, every shot was dodged. One pirate tried to fire upon Cas, using him as bait, but Cas was pulled out of harm’s way. Familiar arms wrapped around him in a familiar embrace.

“Hold your breath.”

It was a voice he could never forget, and a command he obeyed without hesitation.

The last thing Cas heard was the frustrated yell of his former captain, before he was submerged once more; this time with a promise of life, not death.

Castiel Novak was saved.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They surfaced in the cavern, temporarily bathed in darkness as the tiny pinpoints of light were snuffed out. Slowly, the lights returned, and it was only when they were bathed in the glow that Cas dared to speak again.

“Dean?”

The merman was still holding tightly onto Cas, rage still visible in his eyes as they gazed at the cavern entrance. At the sound of Castiel’s voice, however, his gaze became filled with anxiousness, worry, and relief.

“I’m here,” Dean whispered. His fangs hadn’t gone away just yet. “I’m here, Cas.” With gentle touches, Dean inspected the man’s face, cursing under his breath at the injuries. They began healing in no time, including the injuries to his back. It must have taken a great deal of effort, Cas noted, but he was in too much shock to comment on it.

“You’re real?” Cas asked.

“Yeah, I’m real. I’m real, I’m right here.”

A stunned pause.

“You came back.”

“Of course I fucking came back, Cas. Fuck, I should have been there earlier, I came back after the storm, but I thought you didn’t want to… I didn’t know how to approach you. And when those assholes arrived, I was out hunting, I didn’t-”

Dean’s rambling only ceased when Cas threw his arms around the merman. There was nothing holding him back anymore; no walls, no tasks, no immense pride or stubbornness. As soon as he felt Dean reciprocate the touch, Castiel began sobbing. The weight of every day without Dean, every moment he struggled, and what he almost lost, it all crashed into him. The lights vanished once more with the distressed sounds, but Cas didn’t care.

Dean was back. His love was here. And they were safe.

“It’s alright,” Dean spoke softly, rubbing Castiel’s back. “Shhh, it’s alright. Hey… I’ve you, I’m here, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, I… fuck, I should have been there earlier. You- They nearly…” Dean’s embrace tightened a little, his voice breaking as well. “I’m going to kill them for what they did to you.”

“No, no,” Cas protested in between sobs. “Stay… please.”

“Of course. I’m not going anywhere.”

The two of them clung to each other in the darkness, as if unable to let go. Dean wasn’t sure when he began to cry along with Cas, but soon, they both faded into a tired, almost numb quiet. The merman never stopped comforting Cas in one way or another, partly because the man needed it, and partly because he didn’t know what to do. When he felt Cas nuzzle into him, Dean let out a shaky, scared breath.

“I’m not going anywhere, Cas.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Half the day had gone before Dean decided to leave the cave. Cas grabbed his arm at first, protesting, his eyes filled to the brim with fear. Dean cupped Castiel’s cheek, gently assuring the man that nothing would happen to him.

“I’ll come back to you. I promise.”

“I thought you never made a promise.”

“For you, I would make an exception. This is a promise I intend to keep.”

It took a lot of faith for Cas to agree and let go, but he seemed to have an abundance of it for Dean. The merman’s touch lingered for a few seconds, before he dived back through the entrance of the cavern.

Castiel waited.

And waited.

And waited.

Just as the panic began to set in once more, Dean emerged from the waters again. Relief washed over Cas, and he hugged Dean again. This time, there was no hesitation in the embrace being returned. It was only when they were so close that Cas could smell the metallic hints of blood.

“Dean-”

“It’s alright, I’m not hurt.”

“Then what-”

“They were waiting for us the whole time. I had to wait until everyone was heading back to the ship.” Dean’s tone took a dark edge. “Let’s just say none of them made it.”

Cas inhaled sharply. What emotions the reaction held, even he had no idea.

“And the ship?” Cas asked.

“I sent the head of their captain as a warning. They’re leaving as we speak. Cas, I’m sorry, I know you looked up to him for a time, but-”

“He would have hunted us to the ends of the Earth, with no forgiveness,” Cas finished off for him. “What he was about to do to me was considered merciful.”

“Considered- Cas, for the love of everything, you need better captains.”

“No need. I would trade all the captains in the world for you.”

Usually Cas would curse his unthinking mouth, no matter that they spoke the truth. This time, however, he didn’t mind. Judging by the way Dean smiled and shook his head, he reckoned the merman didn’t mind either. Well, hoped, more like.

“Um, thank you for that,” Dean said. “I appreciate it.” The smile faded from his face. “Although, uh… it doesn’t excuse what happened last time.”

Cas nodded.

“I know. Would you like to talk about it now?”

“No, you recover first. It’s not even the end of the day. We need to get you back to the shore first, I don’t think you can tread water forever.”

Cas couldn’t argue with that logic. After he agreed, Dean held him bridal-style once more, already used to Cas nuzzling his head into the crook of the merman’s neck.

“I’m sorry, Dean.”

Time seemed to freeze as the merman just held him there, facing the entrance to the rest of the world. When Dean spoke again, his voice was softer than a feather.

“We’ll talk about it later. I promise.”

Another promise.

Another blessing Cas believed he didn’t deserve. And yet here it was.

Maybe he could allow such blessings into his life again.

Chapter Text

The ship was already a blip on the horizon.

Castiel supposed it was similar to watching a dog run away, tail firmly tucked between its legs. He felt a surge of pride at that; Dean did that. It only made him appreciate the merman more.

There was barely anything left on the shore for him. Anything that wasn’t taken was destroyed, torn and stomped to unsalvageable pieces. For a while, Cas just sat there in the sand, unable to act or think as he held some of the remains.

“Cas?” Dean called out from the water. “You alright?”

“Yes.” No. “I just need some time to think.”

“Alright… I’m going to get us some food. Will that be ok?”

“Mhm.”

“Ok. Stay here, don’t move, I’ll be right back.”

There wasn't a shred of doubt this time. Dean slipped back into the depths, leaving Cas to collect his thoughts. To say that there was nothing left wasn’t entirely true, but to have so much stripped away was heart wrenching. On top of having to start all over again, there was the fact that Cas’ old crew knew where he was now. It was possible they would come back for him, and he did not want to face a similar situation. But where would he go? There were very few places left on this world where Cas would be safe, and every day it seemed like a little more was taken.

Dean came back to find Castiel sitting with his feet in the water, a distant look in those sky blue eyes. There was something in the man’s hands that he couldn’t quite make out.

“Cas?” The merman asked tentatively.

“I don’t know what to do,” Cas replied, almost too quiet to hear. “I don’t know where to go from here. I am more lost now than I was when I left the crew. I… What do I do, Dean?”

Cas’ semi-trance was broken when Dean placed a hand over his.

“You don’t have to think about the next few days,” Dean began, “or even the next hour. Just start with one thing at a time. I know, it’s ironic coming from me, but… I know what it’s like. And trust me, you do not want to take on five things at once right now.” The merman smiled, and was delighted to see it genuinely reflected back. He gestured to the object in Cas’ hands. “For a start, how about you tell me what this is?”

Castiel looked down, at the shell nestled within his palms. It was the same one he had slipped into his pocket the day before, completely forgetting about it. The shell was already unusual in shape, conveniently broken in such a way that it resembled a heart. It was the colouring, however, that caught Castiel’s attention the most; pearlescent shades of green, rippling in the light.

They reminded him of eyes that were unforgettable.

“I began collecting shells while you were gone,” Cas said. “It was… a way to help me live. Small, but lovely. This is all that’s left of the collection.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.” Dean paused. “Can I see it?”

“Of course.” Cas handed off the shell, watching Dean as the mermaid admired all the different shades of colour. “I kept this one because it reminded me of you.”

“Aw, did you miss me?” Dean teased, trying to keep the mood light. But Cas reckoned it wasn’t the time for lightness.

“Yes. Very much. I’ve missed you every second since you left.” Cas closed his eyes for a moment. “Since I drove you away. It haunted me. You haunted me, in the sense that I only found comfort in the ghost of you, and your memory. You were my peace, Dean. My joy. When you left… I felt incomplete.”

Dean’s gaze stayed on the shell in his hands. Neither male could look at each other.

"I… I heard you call out. After I left." Dean said. "But I was so mad, I didn't want to come back. Sometimes I still am mad, hell, I'm hurt."

"Then why did you come back?" Cas asked. It took a long time for Dean to respond.

"Because I was worried about you. I couldn't stop thinking about you. Every time I wanted to forget all the moments we spent together, they just hit me harder. I couldn't outrun you, no matter how damn hard I tried-" Dean's voice began to break, and tears formed in his eyes. "The day the storm hit, I was terrified that something had happened to you. And that moment I realised, I didn't care if I forgave you or not, I just wanted you to be safe. You… you made me happy, Cas. Happier than I'd been in years." Dean shook his head. "Why would you take that away?"

The last sentence was almost a whisper, and it shattered Castiel's heart.

"Because I valued your freedom over my happiness. Because I realised I bore no future for you, other than another form of captivity. Merfolk aren't meant to be confined to a cove and a single human, especially one with nothing to give. You have a life out there, Dean. You have freedom. I never meant anything that was said or insinuated that night, not towards you. But if I wasn't as harsh, you would have never left… and I couldn't live with you staying here for my own selfish reasons."

"What reasons?"

Cas took a deep breath to fill his heart with courage. No half truths. Nothing hidden.

"I love you, Dean. I've loved you for a long time. But I knew you would never reciprocate, and I could never provide what you wished for in life, or needed. The only reason I would ask you to stay was because I…" Cas looked down, trying to steady his wobbling lip with a shuddering breath. "Because it hurt my heart and soul to live without you. Even then, I could never… would never… I refuse to cage you, Dean. I can't, I refuse."

Castiel kept his head down, not daring to face Dean, as cowardly as it was for him. He let the tears fall silently, blinking them away. The silence grew between them, but just as Castiel was sure he had lost Dean forever with that confession, that beautiful, sea-gruff voice spoke again.

"Oh, Cas… you're a moron."

Shocked, Cas lifted his gaze, only to meet Dean's. There was a slight smile on the merman's face, which only confused Cas more.

"I don't-"

"You really think I would have been caged if I stayed? Cas, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. You made me feel more free than I had been in years, and not- not in the sense that I could go everywhere in the world with you, but… you helped me out of some dark places within that I never even knew I was in. As for all the whale shit about not being able to provide anything, you have already given me so much. All the time we spent together, all you showed me, shared with me, they were priceless. I loved being around you. I loved talking with you, laughing with you, listening to you, I loved you.” Dean reached out and once again held one of Cas’ hands. “I still do. So don’t you dare give me that crap about it not being reciprocated. It is… it always has been.”

Cas could only stare dumbfounded. His mouth was slightly open, a frown on his brows as he tried to process Dean’s words.

“So, this whole time-”

“Yes,” Dean cut in, laughing through the tears. “This whole time.”

The realisation caused Cas to smile as well. Something warm, golden, and joyful spread within him, creating a lightness he hadn’t felt in a long time. Cas brought his love’s talons up to his mouth, placing a gentle but heartfelt kiss on the knuckles. Despite the happy moment, though, he knew there was still an apology due.

“Words can’t describe how much I regret what happened that night. And I feel as if I have no right to ask, but Dean… can you forgive me?”

Dean shook his head and moved his talons up to cup Cas’ cheek.

“I forgive you. Of course I forgive you.”

Cas sighed and closed his eyes, allowing himself to lean into Dean’s hand. Finally, he was whole again.

His stomach, however, was not. The grumbling sound made both of them chuckle, and Dean took it as a perfect opportunity to show the fish he’d hunted. Cas didn’t have the energy to start a fire to cook the animals.

Not that he would leave Dean’s side anyway.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

A fire was made anyway, but only just before nightfall.

It was more for sight than for warmth. Dean argued he could see well enough in the dark for both of them, but that ceased when Cas said he wanted to see Dean’s face as well. The merman couldn’t argue with that.

The wreckage of the day was still scattered everywhere. Cas hadn’t bothered to salvage or build anything. Instead, the entirety of the rest of that day was spent with Dean; exchanging new stories, sharing small truths, and above all, maintaining some sort of physical contact. Whether it was holding hands, wrapping an arm around each other, or tenderly caressing each other’s faces from time to time, neither male was willing to distance themselves after being apart for so long.

That behaviour continued well into the night, with the exception of dinner time. The two lovers lay peacefully in the damp sand, staring up at the diamond-dotted sky. Cas was using Dean’s upper arm as a pillow, which the merman didn’t mind at all.

“I missed this,” Dean said. “Stargazing with you. Sometimes I would come up above the water, just to stare at the stars for hours. They remind me of you."

"They remind me of you, too," Cas replied. "Which was why I couldn't stargaze while you were gone. It became a… painful reminder of what I lost."

"Almost lost," Dean corrected, which made Cas chuckle.

"Right. Almost."

"Usually I would follow the same approach as you. Avoiding anything that reminded me of loss, or caused me pain. This was different. I wanted to forget that I couldn't see you anymore."

"Almost couldn't," Cas corrected with a smirk. That earned him a light, playful slap to the arm, and they both burst into giggles.

Silence eventually fell over them like a comfortable blanket. Cas shifted upwards so that his head could rest on Dean’s shoulder; it didn’t take long for him to turn on his side, facing his love as Dean wrapped his arms around the man. Cas knew right then, he was home.

“I love you, Dean.”

“And I, you, Cas. I always will.” Then, a beat later, “Can I kiss you?”

The question took Cas by surprise, and he sat up to get a better look at Dean’s face. Despite the surprise, he couldn’t fight the smile on his face.

“What?”

“I just- I thought I should ask first, I didn’t want to take anything you weren’t willing to give. If you don’t want to, that’s fine, I understand some people don’t like that, but-”

“Dean.” Cas pressed a finger to the merman’s mouth. “Stop talking.” He removed the finger and leaned down, until their lips met with the softest of touches. That small touch alone sent a giddy feeling through both males, almost leaving them stunned. Cas was promptly pulled on top of the merman for that, causing him to giggle.

“Does that answer your question?” Cas asked.

“Yes.” Dean’s eyes flicked down to his lover’s lips. “Do it again.”

Cas happily obliged, kissing Dean properly, pouring all his love into it. Was it perfect? No, far from it. But when Dean held Cas’ face so tenderly, and when Cas settled his hands on Dean’s waist where skin met scales, every second of their shared love was like heaven.

They took a moment to catch their breaths, foreheads pressed together, and matching smiles on their faces.

“I should have done that a long time ago,” Dean murmured.

“I feel the same,” Cas replied just as quietly. He ran his knuckles down the side of Dean’s face. “But now we can. You have the rest of my days, Dean.”

“And you have mine.”

Sleep came late for the both of them. Not that they minded. The stars watched over them, their love, and their silent promises. When sleep did arrive, it held only pleasant dreams and rest, elements which were much needed.

“I’ll watch over you,” Dean had whispered, right before his lover drifted off.

Perhaps it was magic. Cas certainly kinned it to that. But it seemed as if life became infinitely better when he had Dean by his side.

And may it continue to be so.

Chapter Text

There was colour. There was light.

For the first time in weeks, Cas could see both.

Each shush of the early waves was accompanied by gentle “good morning”’s, and at the end of the day, equally gentle “good night”’s. Small kisses were passed with more ease than names, with tender touches not too far off. There was a hope in their shared stories, and in their voices. Life, it seemed, had decided to be kind. It bore a gratitude that would last for an eternity.

With each passing day, it became easier to navigate around each other. Intimacy brought shyness; blushes that rose too quickly and fell too slow, smiles that were too wide, eyes that ducked their gaze. Even with fingers intertwined, it was almost unbelievable for the both of them that they made it so far. And they did make it. What they felt for each other was no longer a caged secret, but an understanding shared between them.

It was freedom, pure and simple.

Castiel’s old crew hadn’t been sighted again since the day Dean drove them off. Sometimes Cas would catch himself glancing to the horizon, dreading the sight of that familiar ship, or any sailing vessel, really.

“Relax,” Dean would console him, kissing his knuckles. “They’re not coming back.”

“How do you know?” Cas asked back once.

“I just do. If they’re smart, they’d know to stay away. If not, well…” Dean smirked. “Clearly they didn’t learn the first time.”

“Dean, I’m serious.”

The smirk faded.

“I know. We’ll deal with that when it happens, alright? And if it does happen, they won’t get anywhere near us.” A loving kiss was placed on Castiel’s forehead. “Trust me.”

“I trust you.”

I love you.

When Dean wasn’t around to provide reassurance or comfort, Cas would find himself holding onto that small, green, heart-shaped shell. At first it had travelled in his pocket, but ever since Dean found a way to wind flexible plant fibres securely around it, the shell has been dangling from Castiel’s neck.

“It suits you,” Dean murmured the day he put the necklace around his lover.

“I think your heart has always suited me,” came the reply. And indeed, whenever the shell was nestled in the palm of Castiel’s hand, he knew it was meant to be.

Was there anger, still? No. The sting of past events had been washed away thoroughly with each passing day. Was there worry? Yes. It crept into their minds at the quiet moments, when the cove hadn’t been graced by the merman’s laughter in a while, or when anxious eyes lay staring up into the night sky. But each time they shared a smile, or held hands, or lay with arms wrapped around each other, they knew, those worries would not be fought on their own.

I have you. You have me. That’s a promise.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“Do you ever miss it?”

The question caught Cas off guard.

“What?”

“Do you miss it?” Dean repeated, lounging in the shallow waters. “Being around people, houses, markets, all that sort of stuff? I guess what I’m asking is, do you miss home?”

Cas decided that it was best to join his other half in the waters for this conversation.

“I don’t think I ever had a home on land. Most of my life, as you know, I’ve been on ships. But to answer your general, uh, question…” Cas tilted his head to one side. “I do miss the food sometimes. And new clothing. Some of the places I have visited were lovely. I suppose… I miss the products of people, more than the people themselves.” A small smile graced his lips. “I miss bread.”

“Bread?” Dean asked incredulously.

“Yes. Freshly baked, soft, with butter. We used to steal hot bread on occasion, but I always left something behind as a way to pay for it. It’s simple, but I’ve always loved it. I think I always will.”

“Would you ever go back?”

Cas shook his head.

“No, no, I wouldn’t. There are a hundred ways I could disappear, right into the middle of society, but… I wouldn’t belong. The expectations are confining, the crowds are suffocating. And if I were recognised, I would be running for the rest of my life.”

“Like you aren’t already.”

“Oh, hush!” Cas playfully smacked the merman’s arm, revelling at the sound of that beautiful laugh. “I mean, it’s no way to live in a place where you aren’t wanted, or can’t be yourself. So no, I wouldn’t go back. I would miss a lot, but not enough to convince me to stay there.” He leaned down to kiss the salt off Dean’s lips. “Besides, I can’t leave you alone. You would be helpless without me.”

“Ah, yes. Because the fully grown, dangerous merman in this relationship is the vulnerable one.”

“Absolutely.” They matched with mirrored grins and scrunched up eyes, noses bumping together in playfulness. Dean managed to steal one more kiss before Cas rested his head on the merman’s chest.

“You’re impossible.”

“And you’re improbable,” Cas replied. “That’s why we get along so well.”

“Ass.” Dean couldn’t stop smiling, even as he gently ran his talons through Cas’ hair. “I love you.”

“And I, you.” The man sighed in content. “Tell me about life in the waters.”

“Again?”

“Yes. Please?”

“But I’ve already told you a hundred times!”

“Yes, and each tale is different. I’m curious to see what you come up with this time.”

“They’re not made up stories, you know.”

“I know, darling. That’s what makes them so much better.”

“Uh huh. And are you sure it’s not just to hear my gorgeous voice?”

Cas could hear the smirk in Dean’s voice. He knew exactly how to make it disappear.

“Well, if you want me to shut up and leave, I could-”

“No no no, stay, I just remembered. There was this one summer when I spent some time living by a large gathering of sea urchins…”

Ha. Victory. Cas closed his eyes, allowing himself to be pulled into the memories that Dean recounted. The stories were wonderful, each and every one, some in the most lighthearted ways, and others far more terrifying. But what kept drawing Cas in was the longing. No, not Dean’s longing, but rather his own.

There was something about it that Cas could not explain. Why did he desperately wish to be where Dean had gone, through coral reefs and the blue abyss? Why did he wake up from memories that weren’t his own?

Why did he wish for a life that wasn’t his own, far below the surface?

“Would you ever go back?” Cas couldn’t stop the words from tumbling out of his mouth.

“Go back where?”

The ocean. The seas. The reefs. Everywhere.

“Home.”

“Huh. I don’t know. If you mean the place I was born, then no, I wouldn’t go back. I don’t even think of it as home anymore. Actually, for me, home isn’t a place. Sammy feels like home. You feel like home. I guess I don’t really have to return anywhere.”

“Not even… not even out there? In the world?” Then, hesitantly, “Do you miss it?”

A beat passed.

“Cas, look at me.”

The request was soft, but Castiel would not resist it. Sea-born knuckles brushed against his cheek as eyes of blue met eyes of green.

“Is this about my freedom again?” Dean asked.

“No.” It was the truth, and luckily, Dean could see it.

“Then, what is it, sweetheart?”

Still soft. Still so full of care.

“I don’t know,” Cas whispered. “But as soon as I do, I will let you know. There’s something I have to… figure out, first.”

Dean spent a few moments studying his lover’s face, before nodding. Cas lay back down, this time with protective arms around him. As Dean continued the story, Cas found his mind in two places.

Yes, he had Dean. But what more did he want beyond that?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

That night, sleep gave way to dreams.

Not the kind to startle one awake, but the kind to leave an impression long after one had awoken.

There was blue as far as the eye could see. There was sunlight.

Flashes of silver or colour would streak past in groups, sweeping the dreamer up before disappearing.

There was danger. There was delight.

Freedom as far as the eyes could see, in every direction imaginable.

There was fear. There was fun.

There was a sense of belonging.

And for once, the dreamer felt true.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Cas woke up to the stars, and a familiar body up against his back. The waves continued their lullaby, often with the occasional snore added in; it made the man chuckle.

Cas checked in on himself, making sure he was anchored into reality. Two legs. Ten toes. Two hands, and ten fingers. Breathe air in, breathe air out.

He turned over to find Dean facing away from him. The subtle rise and fall of the merman’s body with each breath was calming to watch. Almost mesmerising. Castiel found himself gazing at Dean’s gills, following the natural curve down to the scales and fins. He watched them almost shimmer in some non-existent light, so much so that he didn’t register that the snoring had stopped.

“I can feel your eyes on me.”

Dean rolled over, a sleepy smile on his face.

“Sorry,” Cas apologised, snuggling into his lover.

“Don’t be. You alright?”

“Yes. Just admiring you.” Cas hesitated. “I… actually woke up from a dream.”

“Oh? Was it a good dream?”

“I’m not sure. All I know is that I was home.”

And that’s when it hit Cas. The longing, the wanting, the ache for something more, it all made sense. He was homesick for a place he had never lived in, but it called to him, constantly. It was a want - no, a need akin to breathing, or having Dean by his side.

Cas couldn’t ignore it any longer.

I want to go home.

“Dean… I need to tell you something.”

Chapter Text

Dean spent that entire night lying awake, tossing and turning Cas’ confession in his mind. He always knew his love was meant to live on the sea, but the prospect of Cas living in the sea was something else entirely. Dean wasn’t wholly surprised, nor was he shocked, but there were questions to be answered. Mainly, how could a human possibly live under the water? Dean’s magic alone wouldn't be enough to assist Cas for a week, and certainly not for a lifetime. Looking down at the human finally asleep in his arms, Dean’s heart sank; humans just weren’t born to live in the seas.

But what if he wasn’t human?

That one simple question changed Dean’s perspective entirely, and it brought him hope. Maybe there was a way that Cas’ dreams didn’t have to remain just dreams.

“I’ll find a way for you, sweetheart,” he whispered. “I’ll do my damn best.”

The research process alone took roughly a week. His reasons for going away for so long were vague, but luckily Cas had enough trust in Dean to accept that. The merman added in a promise that he would be back, though whether successful or not, he couldn’t tell.

“Whatever you need to find, I have faith that you will,” Cas said. “Faith, and the knowledge that you are stubborn beyond help.”

“As if you are any better.”

That was the last bit of laughter they shared, before Dean bid his farewell with a kiss.

Worry ate away at Cas every day they were apart. He would wake up every morning, hoping to find that familiar smirking grin, or a familiar arm around him, but instead he found empty waves and a barren space in the sand. It was a constant battle to remind himself that, despite what life had already shown him, his lover would return, safe. Holding the necklace certainly helped. But Cas couldn’t stay paralysed in his worry; there was a life to carry on with, with or without Dean.

The day he stopped worrying, Cas was sitting with his toes in the water, staring out into the afternoon horizon. There was a new pile of shells at his side; he’d picked them from the ocean floor only an hour before. There was a tightness in his chest that refused to leave, and thoughts that left an edge of fear.

“I miss you,” Cas spoke into the wind. “It hurts to miss you so much. I wish you would come back.”

“Wish granted.”

Cas swore he had never whipped his head around so fast. That smug, smirking, wonderful merman was casually propped up on the sand on one elbow, just out of Castiel’s line of vision.

Said merman also had a human slam into him not soon after.

“Dean!” Cas nearly wept with joy, the ache in his chest growing and subsiding at the same time, as he hugged his lover tightly. There was no possible way he was letting go in the near future.

“I missed you too, sweetheart,” Dean mumbled into Cas’ shoulder, kissing the skin there. "Fuck, I missed you so much."

“Are you alright? You’re not-”

“No, no, I’m fine. I’m not injured. In fact…” Dean pulled away from the embrace, a triumphant grin on his face. “I’m more than fine.”

Cas was about to ask what that meant, when he noticed a small cloth sack just behind the merman. Peeking out from the sack was a piece of thin, wide kelp, sporting a blend of autumnal colours.

“What-"

"I went home," Dean began to explain. "Well, not right away. I had a lot of meetings with a lot of friends, and most of them suggested the same solution. There were options, of course, but none of them were as strong, none of them would have been enough. It- honestly, it was terrifying to go back, I didn’t know how my father would react, but thankfully he wasn’t even around. I had to, uh, recruit my uncle Bobby- well, not recruit, but...” Dean stopped himself from rambling any further. He took a deep, steadying breath. “What I’m trying to say is… I may have found a way for you to live under the sea with me.”

Cas’ eyes had never gone wider.

“What? How?”

“Do you remember me telling you about the physical change process some merfolk go through? The one I went through?”

“Your transition, yes.”

“Well, we found a way for me to use that same process, but to alter your body instead.”

“So… what you’re saying is-”

“I can use my magic to turn you into a merman.” Dean grinned. “Yes. And these,” he gestured to the sack, “will help. It’s the kelp from my home we use to wrap merfolk while they’re changing, so my theory is, it will help you as well. There are some other items which will amplify my magic, if needed, but- Cas? Are you ok?”

There were tears in those bright blue eyes, but a laugh gracing his mouth. Cas wiped the tears away, and he couldn’t stop a small laugh from escaping him.

“I am. I’m happy, Dean, this… this is more than I could have ever asked of you. Thank you.”

Dean’s expression was one of pure adoration, right before he kissed Cas’ forehead.

“Of course. But I have to warn you, merfolk usually take a week to change fully, and the entire process is… well, kind of uncomfortable. I’m not sure how long it’ll take for you, or how, uh, uneasy you’ll feel. Stopping part way through could have its own complications, so I have to know… do you really want to do this? Is this an option you really want to pursue?”

There was silence as Cas picked apart the possibility in his mind. He could make his dress a reality. He could be free. There would be no more worries regarding towns that would never feel like home, or people who would never truly accept him. Or he could stay, for the sake of safety. If there were too many complications, or a serious one, it could mean a life far worse than standstill he was already stuck in.

He could be trapped, but steady.

He could be free, but uncertain.

What did he value more?

“I want this. I’m sure. And I’m ready.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The transformation did indeed take a week, but the discomfort quickly evolved into pain.

Spending most of his time in shallow water, wrapped in the colourful but slimy kelp, was the least of Cas’ struggles. At first it was resisting the urge to scratch his skin when the gills appeared, but then came the formation of his tail.
Cas prayed that no one else had to endure the slow agony of their bone structure changing, and their flesh stitching itself together in unfamiliar ways. The only relief from that was sleep, which refused to come easily.

Dean, to his amazing credit, took care of Cas every step of the way. In between each session of magic per day, the merman would continuously fuss over the kelp wrappings, food, and the state of his lover. He tried to make Cas as comfortable as possible, and was heartbroken every time the efforts weren’t enough.

There were several times when Dean offered to stop the change, even reverse it, in order to ease Cas’ pain. He was always met with the same answer:

“I chose this, and I will endure this in its entirety. I don’t want to risk anything worse if we stop now.”

Dean had learnt to stop insisting after that very quickly, but he could not stop the anxiousness rising within him with each passing day. Neither could he resist thinking about the worst; what if they do everything right, and still something goes wrong? What if something happens and there’s nothing they can do about it?

What if Cas-

No. That was one possibility Dean would never allow himself to think about. Cas will make it through this without any problems.

He has to.

The scales were last to form, bringing increased feelings of excitement, relief, and fear. To be so close to the end of this unfamiliar journey, yet so far… neither male could keep their minds nor hearts still.

“Did you ever doubt?” Dean asked on the last quiet night.

“Yes,” Cas replied, working his mouth around the newly acquired fangs. “But I also had faith that this will work. My faith in your abilities never wavered.”

Dean pursed his lips for a moment.

“Hey… if anything does happen-”

“Which it won’t.”

“I know, I… but if it does, then I need you to know, I am so, so sorry.”

“Dean… look at me.”

It was hard not to. He needed to see those eyes again; they were his comfort.

“I know what you’re going to say. You chose this.”

“Exactly. You provided the means, but ultimately the final decision was mine. You’re not responsible for… whatever mistakes may happen.”

Dean forced out a laugh.

“Kind of hard to believe that when it’s my magic in your body.”

A familiar pair of lips pecked his cheek.

“Your magic and my willpower. I will make it, make dear.”

The merman nodded, then rested his head against Cas’.

We will make it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When Cas felt no discomfort, pain, or changes of any sort for a day, that’s when they knew it was done.

There had been no mishaps detected so far, but they both knew, removing the kelp could reveal something unexpected. Dean, being the worrier he is, would not begin the unwrapping process without being absolutely certain that Cas was alright, that he was safe, and that there truly was nothing else left of the transformation process. It did make Cas laugh a little, but only out of endearment. It took a lot of convincing (and kisses) to make Dean stop being such a mother hen.

“Are you ready?”

“I’m ready.”

“Alright.” Dean held the first strip of kelp in between his talons. “Here we go.”

It was like uncovering a treasure, the way Dean pulled each wrapping away so reverently. Both males were relieved to find that everything from the torso upwards was formed correctly; the gills, the smaller fins, the talons and fangs, they were all perfect.

“You’re beautiful,” Dean murmured, which Cas caught onto.

“You haven’t seen my tail yet.”

“I don’t need to. You already are. Always have been.”

That statement sent a glowing warmth through Cas’ core, causing him to blush and look away. As a result, he didn’t see the first piece of kelp to be pulled away from, what used to be, his legs.

“Cas…”

That warmth was immediately replaced by sheer panic. Something must have gone wrong, what-

“Oh.”

Scales. Mer scales, hundreds of them, scattered around the lower waist before amassing lower down. They were iridescent blue, so close in similarity to Cas’ eyes.

They were absolutely, wonderfully, breathtaking.

Dean pulled away the rest of the wrappings with newfound joy, as the both watched the scales shimmer in the sunlight. Cas’ tail fluke unfurled like a patch of cloudless sky, so bright and vivid.

“How does it feel?” Dean asked. He watched as Cas lifted his new azure tail out of the water, wiggling it almost like a finger. The pure, happy smile on Cas’ face said it all.

“It’s perfect. I love it.”

“No lingering aches, sore spots, anything like that?”

“No.”

“Good. Ok, let’s not celebrate completely just yet, that tail needs to be put to good use. Besides, we still need to test if you can breathe underwater as well.”

Cas was led out into deeper waters, where he was indeed made to use his tail a lot more. What amazed Cas the most was the incredible amount of strength and power in his lower body. He doubted he would ever get used to it.

When it was time to test his gills, there was hesitation. Cas held onto Dean’s upper arms as they both tread water, preparing for the important moment.

“Don’t worry,” Dean assured him. “If anything happens, I’ll be right here. I got you.”

Cas nodded. Steeling his resolve, he took one last breath before submerging himself fully.

The difference in eyesight was almost immediate. Above water, it was the same as having peak human vision, but underneath… oh, people were missing out on something wonderful. The water, though a bit dark, was clear as crystal, and he could see further than any human could dare dream. The details on the ocean floor were astonishing, but not as much as Dean, who looked almost ethereal.

“Yeah, it’s a bit different, isn’t it?” Somehow, Dean’s voice sounded far clearer underwater than it did in the air. “Alright, I’ll stand by with my magic in case something goes wrong, but try breathing.”

Another nod. Another moment of bracing himself.

And Castiel Novak took his first breath of water.

There should have been panic; every instinct in him was screaming at him not to open his mouth. But there was no choking, no pain, no rejection of this foreign liquid. Cas touched his gills gently with the pads of his fingers, and felt the water flow through them. There was a slight tingle through his veins, and Cas realised that with his first breath came the first flow of magic.

His. Own. Magic.

If they had been above water, there would have been tears of joy flowing down Cas’ cheeks.

“Dean.” There was nothing else he could say. “Dean.”

“It worked!” Dean threw himself at Cas, laughing and crying and experiencing a thousand emotions at once. “It worked, it worked! Holy shit, it worked! Cas, Cas, you’re a merman! A fucking merman!”

“I am! Oh my… Dean, I made it. I made it, oh my gosh.”

Neither could let go of each other. Neither wanted to. It was a moment akin to a birth, and this was their celebration.

“I love you, Dean. So, so much.”

“I love you too, sweetheart.”

We made it.

“You already look healthier,” Dean said, pulling away to marvel at Cas’ new body.

“Must be the magic.”

“No, it’s something else. This… this suits you.”

“Thank you. I feel good, I feel like myself, if you know what I mean.”

“I do,” Dean grinned. “I really do.” He cradled Cas’ face, just drinking in the sight of his lover being so light and free. “I’m happy for you, Cas. I really am. And I am so damn proud.”

“None of this would have been possible without you, though. So thank you.” Cas pressed a kiss to Dean’s forehead. “I am eternally grateful.”

“Hey, speaking of eternity, you didn’t leave anything important on the shore, did you?”

“No, I made sure. Why do you ask?”

Dean grinned, eyes twinkling as he took Cas’ hand. He led Cas out into deeper waters, into a new life and future together, where they truly belong.

“Good. Because I would love to start our eternity by showing you the world.”

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