Chapter 1: Uncertain destiny
Chapter Text
The alarm on his phone starts buzzing loudly just as the clock strikes twelve, an obnoxious ringing reverberating throughout the room. Soobin hurriedly reaches for his phone as his slender fingers panickedly tap onto the screen.
The sound vanishes and soobin is left alone in the silence. He glances to the warm figure of beomgyu laying beside him, the younger boy's head resting on the side of soobin's neck . he feels the gentle rise and fall of beomgyu's chest against his own. The sight of beomgyu with his messy hair and crimson lips is enough for soobin to loose himself.
How did he get here? Soobin wonders. Just a month ago they were perfectly fine. Soobin was beomgyu's bestfriend and the other boy was his. Their relationship has been the same for more than six years, so what changed?
Everything did, soobin tells himself.
All it took was one night to make him realize what he felt for beomgyu wasn't just platonic, it was more. It was so much more and soobin wondered how beomgyu hadn't thought the same. Maybe he had. Despite their closeness, the two friends had never been good at communicating about their feelings. The act of telling someone what was on your mind just made everything so much more vulnerable.
Whenever one of them had been going through a hard time, the other would just hold them. They would simply stay in each others embraces for the longest time. There was something comforting about being able to cry your heart out to the same person who would be there for you but at the same time not feeling obligated to tell what happened. Soobin couldn't even count the amount of times he and beomgyu found themselves to be placed in situations like that.
It seemed like that was their bonding point. Their guilty pleasure and unhealthy way of dealing with feelings. But they never said anything against it. Even when soobin actually wanted to talk about it, talk about what really was upsetting him, he remained silent. It would be betrayal to break an unspoken rule of theirs, right?
Here he was, laying in bed next to his best friend and also the person he was in love with. It wouldn't have been this painful if only beomgyu wasn't getting married to someone else tomorrow.
Someone who wasn't soobin, someone who soobin could never be.
Soobin thought he would atleast get some time to move on from beomgyu. He would try to be as less active in the wedding events as possible, keeping his head held low.
Since beomgyu would have been busy spending time with his fiancé, it shouldn't really have been much of a problem. But soobin should have known better. The person beomgyu wanted to spent the last day of his unmarried life was actually him. It gave him hope and yet crushed him at the same time.
Honestly soobin didn't know how he would be able to keep himself in check when beomgyu would be walking down the aisle with someone else. They would say their vows with lovesick smiles painted on their faces. They would kiss lovingly and the audience would cheer. Soobin thinks he should run away when that part comes up.
He probably wouldn't be able to do that since beomgyu had decided it would be a great idea if soobin would not only be made his best man but also their grand photographer. Any other day, soobin would have joked about beomgyu taking way too much advantage of him being a photography major, but he didn't have it in him to even utter a single word now. Not when he felt desperation and hopelessness seeping into every single corner of his body, drowing him into a hollow and dark abyss.
"soobin?"
The shuffling of covers is heard and a minute later soobin is met with the sight of beomgyu rubbing his eyes while directing his questioning gaze towards soobin. Although soobin's more than sure the shorter boy is just looking at the wall beside him. A sleepy beomgyu did not have nor cared about the right sense of direction.
the male in question hums, eyes wandering over beomgyu's small frame. He waits as beomgyu pushes his pillow up to lean against the bedrest, before deciding it isn't comfortable enough and instead laying his body against soobin's.
"Why are you awake? Its still dark outside and we have to get up pretty early"
Soobin responds by bringing his hand up and ruffling beomgyu's curled locks. A fond smile makes it way on his face as he notices how eagerly beomgyu presses his head against his hand. They stay like that for a while, bodies stuck to each other. Soobin is about to close his eyes himself to try and desperately catch on to the last bit of sleep he may have in his system when he hears beomgyu's muffled voice against the covers.
"I sometimes wish you could just do what you want to, soobin"
Sucking a sharp breath in, soobin looks over to beomgyu. The younger boy is sound asleep, his eyes closed tightly.
Beomgyu sleep taking isn't really a new thing for soobin, having been his roommate for so long. It isn't the first time either that beomgyu said something confusing or something that hit close. Beomgyu really reveals himself when his is in his drowsy state even if he doesn't remember the next day. That's the only way of soobin knowing what the boy truly feels.
Sometimes soobin feels bad as he hears things he's not sure beomgyu himself would want him to hear. Even as best friends, there are still unspoken boundaries between them. Boundaries soobin had been constricted and confined into for so long.
But this time it makes him feel different. Maybe beomgyu does know, but then why does he not do anything about it. Its a bit hypocrital of beomgyu for wanting soobin to act on his actions when both of them have never been good at it. Why does beomgyu want him to make the first move anyway? Out of the two of them, beomgyu was more bold.
Soobin concludes its probably must be nothing. Overthinking at ungodly hours was becoming a bad habit of his and he had to stop taking everything seriously. If he regrets not acting upon this invite or rather, confession for the rest of his life, then so be it. He already has spent more than half his life regretting tons of choices. One more couldn't hurt.
He really wished it wouldn't.
Chapter 2: You and me, connected to each other
Chapter Text
It all started when they were in their last year of high school. A month before graduating and beginning their lives from a new perspective was when the two boys had met for the first time.
Soobin didn't even know how they became friends in the first place. All he remembered was beomgyu approaching him one day, asking for help on his calculus assignment and the next day, they were out eating lunch together.
Beomgyu and soobin were complete opposites which also contributed to why their friend groups had never collided in the past. But it seemed fate had them written together despite their odd circumstances.
"Hey, wanna hang out today?" beomgyu called out, his face practically shining from brightness. Maybe it was the sunlight kissing his face or the sweat dripping from his forehead or just the fact that his soul was enough of a source of light. Soobin didn't know why but he felt a little shy knowing that beomgyu had decided to run after him when he realized the older boy wasn't with him anymore.
"Sure. Got some place in mind?" Soobin already knew beomgyu probably had their whole day sketched out in his head. Beomgyu did spend most of his days thinking but he never let anyone know his thoughts. Soobin was fine with that, he didn't want someone sneaking into his brain either.
"You bet I do. Why don't you look happy though? It's the last day of school. You should be bursting from joy right now"
Beomgyu shoots soobin a judging look, his doe eyes narrowed and lips shaped in a pout. Soobin chuckles at his friend and then smiles as wide as his jaw lets him.
"That one looks as fake as it can get, bin"
"Not my fault I don't feel like smiling, gyu"
Beomgyu inches closer to soobin, his arms clinging onto soobin's own. The younger boy looks carefree like this, all his exhaustion from the exams they had continuously studied for draining down the hole. Soobin's glad to see him smile even if he himself couldn't return it. Maybe smiling was just not his way of showing happiness. Someday though, he would. He had to believe it.
They reach their destination after a while with beomgyu excitedly running forward and leading soobin. Soobin doesn't know this place, but he never really does go out often. By the looks of it, there seems to be no one else except for the two of them.
Soobin turns his head towards beomgyu, who rushes to the tall walls infront of them. The place does look sketchy, there are no building or houses to look at. There are only those long walls which seem to be the background of some industrial factory. Soobin has no idea why beomgyu would bring him here.
"Here, take this" beomgyu voices out, throwing a cylindrical bottle looking very close to a spray paint in soobin's direction.
They were spray painting some random walls, which was probably illegal and didn't exactly work well to appease soobin either.
But Beomgyu had already started creating random patterns on the wall, his fingers gently pressing against the head of the bottle. His face lightened up at the sight of blue escaping from the cylinder and covering the surface with a bright shade.
"Today, we leave our previous lives behind and start a new one" He turns back, shooting soobin a wide grin.
Gesturing towards the marks on the wall, beomgyu begins.
"Care to become a part of mine?"
There is a moment of akward silence between them before soobin speaks.
"You know we're literally just graduating right?"
Beomgyu pouts at soobin's statement and soobin forces himself to keep looking into beomgyu's eyes. Tbe younger stretches the soobin's long arms in a playful manner, endless complaints blooming past his lips. "Why can't you just play along and not ask questions?"
Soobin chuckles, reaching out to grasp beomgyu's hand in his. He looks down to their entwined fingers, the contact being just the right amount of physical touch to make him feel dizzy.
One month and beomgyu's already asking him for life long promises he doesn't know if he can hold on to. Soobin wonders what he'll ask him for when they actually do end up spending years together.
But this is beomgyu, the same person who unexpectedly fits most with him. They just make sense together, the taller and the shorter, the introvert and the extrovert. Its like the two are bound together by the red soulmate line soobin's heard his friends talking about.
It doesn't really suprise soobin at all when he looks down to be met with the sight of beomgyu looking at him with all satellites and constellations carved into the tiny space inside his eyes, as he shyly nods his head towards the younger boy.
With beomgyu, soobin just let things flow.
Soft soogyu (Guest) on Chapter 1 Mon 21 Jun 2021 07:07AM UTC
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