Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Artemis is just out of the shower with a towel wrapped around her long hair. She settles herself down onto the couch in the den of their floating base when she hears it.

Sigh.

It's a drawn out breath that hisses rather loudly with the inhale, before pushing out in an equally noisy huff on the exhale.

It’s Jason. He’s sitting over in the corner in one of the arm chairs with his legs curled up on the seat. He has a book in hand, which he doesn’t seem to be reading if the way his eyes are staring blankly off into space are any indication.

Artemis ignores him. She reaches for the remote and turns on the television. There’s a reality cooking show she’s recently found that features a chef with a fiery temper. He screams and shouts every time one of the contestants makes a mistake. She likes him. She thinks he’s funny.

Siiiigh.

There it is again. Artemis glances over to see that Jason has at least closed the book. He’s now just frowning at the cover. It's one of those literary classics he really likes. Pride and Perjury or something. The pages are dog-eared and worn.

Eventually he opens the book again and Artemis resumes watching her show. She turns the volume a little higher just in case.

Siiiiiiiigh.

This time Jason slumps backward into his chair and drops the book on the floor. He groans in frustration and picks up the book again.

Artemis shoots him a glare. "If you're going to devolve into histrionics like a puerile teenager, can you do it in another room? I'm trying to watch a show."

Jason perks up at her attention, and as if he didn't even hear her remark, he says earnestly, "Hey Art, do you think I'm good enough for Dick?"

"By the Seven Beards, not this again," Artemis rolls her eyes and lets out a sigh of her own. Hers though, is tinged with irritation. Artemis turns her head away from the TV to look at him. "I thought you had an agreement. No killing in Gotham. If it's good enough for Batman it should be good enough for him."

Jason shakes his head. "No. I mean like am I worthy enough?" He pulls his legs up to his chest and tucks his face behind his knees as he says it, so that the last words are so muffled Artemis can barely hear them. He looks dejected.

On the TV, the chef on the show is picking up a pan of chicken and throwing it on the floor. "Shit!" the chef says. "Absolute shit!"

Artemis thinks so too. Something's happened that Jason suddenly feels insecure about his relationship with Dick. She supposes this needs some attention, but it wouldn't do to tip her hand to her level of concern.

So she turns the volume down on the TV, then unwinds the towel about her hair. It's still a little damp, but dry enough to detangle. She motions Jason over and hands him a comb.

He gets up and plops himself beside her on the couch, then dutifully begins to comb out her hair starting from the ends. Artemis nods in approval.

"It's just that, I thought Dick saw past all the stuff people say about me," Jason starts talking without being prompted. "I mean, I think he does. Maybe. But I didn't expect everyone else to weigh in too."

"Everyone else?"

"Well, I expected Bruce to be a jackass about it. And he was. He put me through the wringer like I was just out to ruin his precious golden boy." Jason sighs again, but his hands are steady as he carefully works the tangles up the length of her hair. "But then Dick’s whole crew showed up while I was getting groceries. Wally, Garth, even Donna. It wasn't exactly a shovel talk, but let's just say that between the three of them there wouldn't be anything left to bury. I thought at least Donna would give me the benefit of the doubt, but Dick's her best friend, so of course she'll take his side."

Jason sounds plaintive and cranky, but it's pretty clear that Jason feels hurt. He stops talking for a moment as he finishes running the comb through the entire length of Artemis' hair. Then he parts her hair into sections starting at her crown. The boy knows how to french braid. Artemis is marginally impressed.

When he starts overlapping the sections, gradually gathering more hair as he moves down, he continues with, "And then freaking Superman showed up. Gave me a talk about it being a good time to work on being a better person if I wanted to go out with Dick."

He's grumbling at this point, but he keeps winding the braid evenly.

"What did Dick say?" Artemis asks.

Jason doesn't answer immediately, which probably isn't a good sign. He gives another one of those long sighs again, and says in a smaller voice than Artemis is used to hearing, "Dick just brushed it off. Said that his friends are just looking out for him. Which I guess makes sense, if they don't think I'm good enough."

"And who's looking out for you?"

Jason just shrugs. "I don't need anyone to look out for me."

As usual, Jason's wrong. He may have his faults, but it's plain as day that he's harbored feelings for Dick for a long time. He'd probably walk bare-footed over hot coals for Dick if he only asked. Anyone who thinks otherwise is a fool. She doesn't blame Dick’s friends for their loyalty, but the judgement is unwarranted. Artemis won't stand by and let Jason be bullied by his boyfriend's overzealous pals. And if Dick doesn't see what harm they've caused, then he has more than just a few choice words from Artemis coming his way.

Nevertheless, there's no reason to overreact. She'll wait and see what happens, and then make her move if necessary.

Jason finishes the braid and then looks around for something to tie it off with. Artemis hands him a hair band from her pocket and he finishes off the braid by adjusting some of the sections around her head.

"Anyway, thanks for listening," Jason gets up from the couch. "Wanted to get that off my chest. I'm sure nothing will come of it."

He looks a little more at ease as he picks up his discarded book and leaves the room. Afterward, she checks her hair in the mirror. The strands are neat and not too tight, and the style is well suited to keeping her hair from becoming a tangled mess during battle. The weave of the braid is thinner than a normal French braid though. It turns out Jason’s done a remarkably good job at plaiting her hair into a fishtail braid.

Huh, Artemis thinks. Who knew?

A week later Jason’s puttering about the living area as Artemis watches the 'Angry Chef' on the television again. Jason rustles some papers and paces back and forth, but it's mostly relegated to his corner of the room.

“Can you —— not even cook a —— capellini, you —— donkey!” The chef shouts. Nearly every other word is bleeped out. Artemis laughs as the contestants cower behind their stoves. They start to toss and fry the ingredients in their pots and pans a little faster, though Artemis doesn’t think that will help any of their dishes cook any sooner.

Just as the chef is about to have another outburst, Jason steps in front of the TV. “Do you think it's too much to ask Dick to stay through a whole reading at the bookstore?”

Artemis tries to crane her neck around to see what’s happening on the show, but Jason keeps standing there and he’s just big enough that he’s obscuring everything that’s important.

“What are you on about?” Artemis says gruffly. She scoots over on the couch so she can see the screen but Jason just starts pacing in front of the TV.

“He isn't really into the whole literary thing, you know?" Jason rambles on. "Not that he has to be. He reads, but not like poetry and stuff. Not usually. I gave him a book of poems by E.E. Cummings one time and I don’t think he even opened it. And last time he came with me to the bookstore, he just hung out in the back and yacked it up with some Karen who got pissed later because she thought she was in line for a book signing. She made so much noise they had to end the reading and escort her out."

"Who is Karen?"

Jason gives her a funny look and says, "Her name wasn't Karen."

"What do you mean? You just said her name was Karen. Was she under cover?"

"What? No." Jason looks exasperated for some reason. "Forget about Karen! You know what, nevermind. I only asked Dick to come because he said he was in the neighborhood. Maybe I’ll just cancel.”

He starts to walk away, which Artemis would normally be quite satisfied about, except Jason has this sort of sad, disappointed expression that makes her feel an inkling of pity for him. It is only in Man's World that they are barbaric enough to call it a kicked puppy look, but that's pretty much what it looks like.

"Wait," Artemis hopes she doesn't regret this, "Can I come with you?"

Jason turns around. "What?"

Inviting herself to Jason’s date isn’t something Artemis would normally do, but it sounds like Jason wants support, because he doesn’t have the emotional or psychological fortitude to let himself enjoy the event while also feeling like he must acquiesce to Dick’s needs.

Artemis turns off the TV and moves to stand. "I’m curious about this poetry event… and I can keep Dick company should he get bored at this book reading. Then you can enjoy the reading in peace."

"It's not exactly a regular book reading." Jason looks extremely skeptical. "You're probably going to be just as bored as Dick."

"Hmph." Artemis crosses her arms. "You think I don't enjoy reading? I'll have you know that I spent the better part of a decade reading through the great classic tomes that the Amazons of Bana-Mighdall rescued from the library of Alexandria before it burned. I held the preserved manuscript of Apollonius of Rhodes, who composed the epic poem the Argonautica. I read the texts of Homer's poems as well as the famous commentaries of Aristarchus of Samothrace."

"Oh." Jason has his jaw half open as if in awe, his eyes oddly wide in excitement. "That's actually really cool. But…," he looks down at a flyer he's holding in hand, "this is a poetry thing, and its kind of different."

"A reading is a reading. How different can it be?" Artemis snatches the flier from Jason’s hand. "I would be just as comfortable at a reading of Homer's poems as at a...," she glances down at the paper, "... as at a postmodern spoken word poetry slam."

Inwardly, Artemis cringes.

Jason arches a brow. "It has the word slam in it but you know that it has nothing to do with fighting right?"

She knows Jason’s just trying to bait her. Artemis doesn't bite. "Of course not. You don't believe I enjoy poetry?"

"No no no! I believe you," Jason says in mock placation. "Okay, let's go then! I'll tell Dick you're coming."

An hour later the three of them are squeezed into the middle of several rows of chairs jammed into a cozy book store. Jason’s closest to the aisle, with Dick beside him and Artemis next to Dick. Jason’s engrossed in reading through a pamphlet that was handed out at the door, so it leaves Artemis to bear the brunt of Dick’s small talk.

It's not altogether unpleasant. Dick is as charming and affable as he was the first time she met him. He compliments her braided hair ("Thank you," she says, "but compliments are due to Jason"), he tells her about the small library at Wayne Manor ("Alfred curated an alcove collection just for Jason once!"), and he mentions his friends are coming into town later ("You'd like Donna," he says, to which Artemis thinks: No, she wouldn't).

He noticeably fails to mention that those same friends had unduly deemed Jason unworthy of being in a relationship with Dick, but Artemis doesn't bring it up. Some things are best left to work out between couples, though she wonders if Dick realizes how uncomfortable the situation might be for Jason.

The reading begins, and Artemis is pleased to find that the poetry slam is less like a simple reading and more like a performance art. The poets are animated, the cadence of their lines lilt like songs, their rhythms are punctuated with the language of physical expression, and the metaphors are vivid and deeply meaningful.

She's so enraptured with the recitations that she almost misses it when beside her, Dick suddenly stiffens. He'd been watching the poets like the rest of the crowd (though Artemis had noted he was not nearly as engaged as Jason), but his attention is suddenly diverted to a woman who has entered at the back of the store.

She's moderately attractive, probably reaching into her middle age if the lines about her eyes are any indication, with a short asymmetrical haircut that looks like her locks didn't quite make it after she'd dodged within a hairsbreadth of a sword. Not that that's likely what happened. Judging by her physique she makes it to the gym only about once a week, but some of the most powerful foes could be hiding in the guise of the mundane. So Artemis stays alert as she leans over slightly to catch Dick’s attention.

"Is she a threat?" Artemis whispers.

Dick frowns as he whispers back, "Not exactly, but she made a scene last time we were here."

Artemis puts two and two together. "She must be the woman Jason mentioned, Karen. You seem to be acquainted."

"What?" Dick shakes his head. "No. Her name's not Karen. I don't know her."

Artemis watches the woman, who is not named Karen, out of the corner of her eye. She looks disgruntled as she pushes her way through the crowd of people gathered around the outer edge of the rows of chairs. It appears as though she's trying to get to the shelves behind where the poets are speaking. An employee blocks her path however, and begins speaking to Karen in a hushed voice.

Karen doesn't look happy. She puts her hands on her hips and Artemis can hear her say in a loud, disruptive voice, "Can I speak with your manager?"

Several people immediately hush her, but she doesn't seem to notice. Instead she spies Dick, and begins waving cheerfully.

"Dick!" she calls out, loud enough to drown out the speaking poet. "What brings you here?"

Beside her, Dick tries to duck his head down but the seats are crammed together and there's no room to hide. The poet has paused in her speaking, waiting for the commotion to cease, and Jason’s giving Dick a hard disapproving look.

"What the fuck, Dick?" he hisses. "Get her out of here!"

Dick is completely nonplussed at Jason’s glare. "I don't even know her!"

"She clearly knows you." Artemis is pretty sure of it, what with Karen now stepping over people in the aisle to get to Dick.

Dick doesn't argue. He gets up from his seat with a surprising amount of grace and scoots out of the aisle to the opposite side. Karen makes a beeline for him, and Dick practically runs for the door.

Jason watches him go. The line of his brow is creased in puzzlement, but he settles back into his chair as the poet retakes the stand to begin again. Except suddenly there's someone standing beside him in the aisle. It's the employee who had been speaking to Karen earlier. She's young, but she's got a smartly tied staff apron on, with pens, notepads and barcode scanner impeccably arranged in the pockets. Her expression means business.

"I'm sorry sir, but I'm going to have to ask you to leave," the employee says.

"What?" Jason looks crestfallen. "But I didn't do anything!"

"I remember you two," she points a finger full of condemnation at Jason, "and this is the second time you and your friend disrupted an event. I'm afraid I can't let you ruin the reading anymore for our other guests. Please take your things and exit the store."

"That's not fair!" Jason protests, but Artemis hooks her hand under his elbow.

"Come on," she says, "don't make another scene. The poets deserve to have a platform without further interruption."

Jason scowls, but he gets up and follows Artemis out of the store. Outside, Dick is nowhere to be seen. Jason kicks at the pavement. "I really wanted to watch that reading," he pouts.

"I know." Artemis agrees. She would have liked to see the rest of it too, but arguing would have drawn out the ruckus, and it definitely would have affected the atmosphere of the performance.

"Dick’s not answering his phone." Jason is thumbing purposefully at his phone screen. He looks disappointed. He’s even unconsciously jutting out his bottom lip.

Artemis shrugs, but she wonders where Dick had gone off to as well. He doesn’t seem like the type to up and abandon a date, but his last words with Jason were slightly quarrelsome. Maybe he was angry? Or, though it doesn’t seem likely, did he ensconce with Karen somewhere?

They wait a few minutes to see if Dick turns up. He doesn’t, but there’s a sound like a loud squawking coming from close by. Only it's not some kind of shrieking bird, it's actually a woman laughing. Artemis hones in on it and determines it's coming from behind the building. She proceeds around the corner, Jason following suit, and finds Karen waving her arms and gushing insipid remarks at Dick.

"... and fancy that I'd run into you twice!" she warbles. "I saw your latest picture in the Gotham Enquirer and I just thought they've got it all wrong! 'That boy knows what he wants,' I said, and you know what they say about what a man wants!"

Artemis can hardly make any sense of Karen's driveling monologue as she approaches. She's not sure why Dick hasn't already shut her down either, other than the fact that every time he opens his mouth Karen just talks over him.

There's an easy solution, however. Artemis steps between them and looks down a good several inches at Karen and says, "Your piddling chin-wagging is beyond vacuous. I think it's time for you to go."

"Oh! Oh okay," Karen shuffles backward, but then leans in again, bringing a single hand up to cup the side of her mouth, then hisses so loudly one could hardly imagine it had been conceived as a whisper: "Is that your bodyguard?"

She jabs her finger several times in the air at Artemis to emphasize.

"Get on with you!" Artemis makes a shooing motion and finally, Karen turns around and shuffles away.

"Oh god, I thought she'd never shut up," Dick says once Karen is out of sight.

"Wow, you took a sledgehammer to her with your words and you hardly made a dent in that Karen," Jason comments as he sidles up beside Artemis.

"She almost ruined the reading," Artemis shrugs. "She deserved far worse."

Artemis would have driven home some points about common courtesy too, but something about dealing with Karen has her feeling drained. She's just glad to be done. In fact, now's probably a good time to go home. "I'll see you back at the base," she says to Jason. He nods.

"Thanks for coming!" Dick waves as Artemis starts to leave.

But then she hears Dick talking to Jason, "Wally, Garth and Donna are having drinks at the restaurant already. Come on, now that we’re done early, let's go meet up with them!"

Artemis looks over her shoulder to see that Dick is cheerful at the prospect of seeing his friends, but Jason—while he’s doing a decent job of appearing unphased—has a pinched look about the corners of his mouth.

Dick doesn’t quite catch Jason’s expression because he’s already walking down the street with Jason trailing behind. “Artemis, you’re welcome to come too if you don’t have any plans. I’m sure Donna would be happy to meet you.”

Jason grimaces, but he quickly shifts his face back into a pleasant neutral by the time Dick turns around and flashes a smile. It's warm and expectant, but also oblivious because Jason’s doing a masterful job of hiding his discomfort.

She looks back and forth between them. Jason breaks his gaze with Dick to meet Artemis’. Dick turns and looks back at her too, and when he's not looking again Jason grimaces.

Inwardly, Artemis sighs. “Fine. I’ll have one drink.”

The restaurant isn’t too bad. It’s modern and clean in a gentrified part of town, with a mix of vintage wood furnishings and retro-style fittings. The lighting isn’t so dim as to be gratuitously atmospheric and while there is background music playing, it's not so loud that the conversational acoustics are drowned out.

They find Dick’s friends tucked into a large, circular booth in the corner near the back. There’s a few inquisitive brow twitches and arched looks as Artemis and Jason follow Dick toward them, but no outward comments. Artemis has heard enough about Dick’s friends to quickly identify Donna (the Amazon), Wally (the red-headed speedster), and Garth (the Atlantian). The three of them are sitting in the middle of the semi-circular bench so that Dick, Jason and Artemis have to split up to sit on either side around them. Dick eagerly takes a seat next to Wally on one side, which only allows space for one more person at the end of that side of the bench. Artemis leaves the spot open for Jason and takes a seat on the opposite side beside Donna.

Dick immediately dives into conversation with Wally and Garth, recounting in hyperbolic detail his harassment at the hands of Karen.

Beside her, Donna introduces herself. "Hi," she says, "Dick hasn't really told me much about you, but I’ve heard the stories from Diana. You're Artemis, right?"

“Yes. Of Bana-Mighdall,” Artemis gives a curt nod. “And you are Donna Troy," she adds as she flags down a waiter to order two fingers of scotch. She turns back to Donna, "How well do you know Jason?"

Donna looks slightly surprised at the question, but she reflects for a moment and then says, "I met him when he was Robin. I guess I've known him for a while."

"Knowing someone for a number of years isn't the same as knowing them well," Artemis points out.

"I suppose that's true." Donna frowns. Artemis' line of question is unsettling her.

"Did you like him?" Artemis continues. "Back when he was Robin?"

That question appears easier to process, because Donna easily replies, "Yes, I did. He was a good kid."

"And he isn't now?"

"Um," Donna falters. "That's not what I said… but he’s different now."

"What has changed?"

Donna clenches her jaw. "He's just not who he used to be. After he died, he came back different."

The waiter returns with Artemis' scotch. She swirls the glass and then takes a sip. It burns her throat going down. She turns back to Donna, studying her pensive expression. Artemis can't comment much on what Jason was like before, but of course he’s different. Death tends to do that to people. “I’m not sure why you expected him to come back the same,” Artemis says.

“I didn’t. I didn’t expect him to come back at all.” Donna knots her brow as she looks at Jason. He isn't paying attention to her. Instead he's sitting quietly at the edge of the booth, watching awkwardly as Dick regales Wally and Garth with the details of how Karen chased him into the alley behind the bookstore. Donna doesn’t say anything more.

Across the table, Dick finishes up the tale with, “And then she thought Artemis was my bodyguard!" Dick laughs as if the very notion is preposterous.

"You're getting soft, Dick," Wally snickers. "Stop playing the Dickie-boy socialite or you're going to have to start beating them back with your sticks."

"I knew it was a bad idea to give an interview to Vanity Fair," Dick shakes his head and shields his brow with his hand in faux regret.

There's another round of laughter, but it eventually subsides. Dick pats Jason’s shoulder and excuses himself to use the restroom, stepping over where Jason sits at the edge of the booth and leaving an awkward silence behind him.

All eyes immediately turn to Jason. Without Dick’s charismatic chatter, the most interesting thing at the table is Jason’s uncomfortable silence.

Garth cocks his head at Jason and says, "I suppose you haven't ever had the pleasure of an adoring fan like Karen, since you're not officially part of the Wayne family."

It's subtle but Jason stiffens at the remark. Artemis isn't familiar enough with Garth to know if it was intended as an insult but Jason is immediately guarded. He twists his mouth into a sneer, "Yeah well, getting dead tends to get you kicked out of the family."

"Actually no," Wally interjects. "Running around stuffing severed heads into duffle bags tends to get you kicked out of a family."

"Not to mention beating up your kid brother," Garth adds.

"I thought you said I wasn't part of the family," Jason returns. "That would mean I don't have a kid brother."

"You know what we meant," Wally snorts.

"Yep." Jason crosses his arms and slumps against the booth. "Loud and clear."

"Jason," Donna offers, "we want to trust you, but it's not like you have a proven track record of being an upstanding member of the hero community."

Jason snorts. "What qualifies as proof? Some kind of Amazonian battle royale for honor?"

"That is an excellent idea!" Artemis chugs her scotch and slams down her glass with a thunk. "The Amazons of Bana-Mighdall have a tradition: if the honor of a lover was ever in doubt, the sisters would challenge the lover in a battle to the death. If the lover survived then it proved that Hathor, the goddess of love, has blessed the union. We will commence a similar Challenge of Honor. Jason accepts the challenge!"

"What?" Jason exclaims. "No way! I'm not gonna fight my way through Dick’s friends in some stupid challenge! That won't prove anything!"

Artemis shushes Jason with a kick to the shin under the table. "The heroes of legend willingly died in battle for their lovers. You will prove yourself through combat with Dick’s compatriots."

The others at the table snicker. Jason just groans, "Fuck. I need a beer." He flags the waiter down, only for Artemis to wave him away as soon as he approaches.

Artemis knows Jason can't hold his liquor. She points at him, the corners of her mouth twisted into a grin as she says, "He's not drinking tonight. Jason is our designated driver."

"What the hell!" Jason exclaims. "We're not even driving!"

"Well you're underage anyway," Wally chimes in. "You're not even twenty-one are you?"

The waiter takes note and turns to Jason, who despite his height and build, has an unmistakably youthful face. "Sir," the waiter says, "can I see some ID?"

"Oh…," Jason fumbles out his wallet and pulls out a card. "Um… here."

"Dude, that's fake!" Wally snatches it out of his hand with just barely enough super speed to fly under the metahuman radar. "That's not even his name. Fred Wentworth?"

"Well maybe I'd have a real ID if I hadn't died," Jason snaps and the waiter's eyes go wide. "Oops, forget I said that. Here, this one's real. I swear," he says as he scrounges up a second ID.

The waiter narrows his eyes. "I'm sorry sir, we can't serve an alcoholic beverage to anyone under the age of twenty-one."

"You've got to be kidding me!" Jason rolls his eyes. "I told you this one's real."

"I heard your friends call you Jason." The waiter still isn't fooled. "The first ID says Fred, and this second ID says George. I'm inclined to think both of these are fake."

"This is bullshit." Jason scowls and crosses his arms. "I just want to get one pint! Both of these IDs will hold up even if you ran them through the NSA!"

The waiter holds his ground. "I'm sorry sir. We could lose our license."

"Seriously? Can I speak to your manager?" As soon as Jason says it, his face contorts into shock. "Oh my god! Did I actually say that?" Jason looks mortified. "I'm so sorry!" he shoves a wad of bills at the confused waiter. "You know what, maybe I've had too much Karen for today. I'd better go home." He quickly gets out of his seat and heads for the door.

Artemis gets up to follow him as Jason shuffles around a corner and summons one of Bizarro's dimensional doors. The last thing she hears before she leaves the bar behind is Dick's voice as he returns to the table:

"What'd I miss?" he says, but she doesn't hear the response because the dimensional door closes behind her.

Jason quickly sulks off to his room, and Artemis heads straight to Bizarro’s lab.

"Bizarro, can you do me a favor?" Artemis approaches the recently intellectually-enhanced clone as he tinkers away at some kind of miniature 3D simulation projected on a large work table. It looks like a complicated maze, and there's a little figure of Jason running through it.

"Of course, Lady Artemis." Bizarro removes the set of eyeglasses perched on his nose and wipes the lenses with the bottom of his t-shirt. "What can I do for you?"

"I would like you to reroute all calls from Dick Grayson to me instead of Jason. Make sure none of Jason’s calls to Dick go through either."

"Oh?" Bizarro lifts one sparse eyebrow. "Dare I ask why?"

Artemis studies Bizarro's strange little simulation. An idea is forming in her head. "I'm concerned about our friend's wellbeing, and that his lover's compatriots do not fully appreciate his few, but honorable qualities."

"I see." Bizarro leans in. The lights of the room seem to dim suddenly. The glow from the table illuminates the hollows of his eyes and the curve of his mouth, while the darkened room obscures the rest of his face in shadow.

Artemis leans in too, and the two of them hatch a plan.

Later (though not much later), Jason is still pouting out of sight somewhere while Artemis is sitting in the living area watching the angry chef again, when her phone rings. She pulls it out of her pocket and sees that it's Dick. Bizarro has done as promised and rerouted his call to her instead of Jason.

“Hello. Outlaws’ residence,” Artemis answers dutifully. “How may I take your call.”

“Oh.” Dick pauses on the other end of the line. “I thought this was Jason’s number. Is that you, Artemis?”

“Yes.”

“Uh, hi. Is Jason there? Can I talk to him?”

“He’s not available right now. Can I take a message?”

“Oh.” Dick goes quiet. When he speaks up again he says, “I’ll try back later, but can you tell him to call me?”

“No.”

“Excuse me?”

Artemis smirks. It would have been better if Dick could see her. “I said no. I won’t tell him to call you.”

“... and why is that?”

“If you want to see your lover again, come to the Outlaws’ at 19:00 tomorrow. Bring your compatriots and we will commence the Challenge of Honor.”

“What?! Am I missing something?”

“Clearly.” Artemis hangs up.

The phone rings again.

“Artemis, what is going on? Where’s Jason?”

“He is in safekeeping. Bring Wally, Donna and Garth tomorrow. I look forward to meeting you in battle.”

“Battle?! What battle are you–”

Artemis hangs up again. Dick sounded quite riled up before she cut him off. Good. Things are going exactly as planned.

Chapter Text

Jason is still sulking the next morning. He's picking at some toast with a book in hand when she enters the den with her coffee.

Sigh.

Artemis pretends to ignore Jason, though out of the corner of her eye she can see him pull his phone out of his pocket and check the screen. Apparently he doesn't see anything of interest because he quickly puts it away again.

A few minutes later he checks it again. Nothing. He puts the phone away.

Siiiigh.

Artemis sips her coffee and feigns indifference. She turns on the TV and selects the latest episode of the angry chef she likes to watch. No less than five minutes in, the TV chef starts shouting, "This is garbage! Utter garbage!" He grabs a plate of food and chucks it across the room. It hits the wall and shatters. Artemis chuckles.

Across the room, there's a subtle buzzing and then the blare of an obnoxious ring tone. She turns and sees Jason’s face immediately brighten as he pulls out his phone, but the excitement dissipates just as quickly when he sees the screen.

"No, Tim," he grumbles as he thumbs a text. "I don't have a rocket launcher you can borrow." There's a bloop sound as the text goes through, and Jason is back to staring at the screen for what Artemis is sure is longer than necessary.

Siiiiiiiigh.

"Could you breathe any louder?" Artemis growls. "I'm trying to watch a show."

Now that Artemis has initiated a verbal exchange, Jason latches onto the opportunity to engage her in conversation. "Do you think Dick’s mad at me?"

"If he isn't, maybe he should be if you keep up this habit of interrupting."

That kicked puppy look splashes across Jason’s face again, and Artemis feels the tiniest twinge of regret. It barely even registers on the 'Grand Scale of Amazonian Twinges,' but Jason’s grown on her over the last few months and she finds herself afflicted with an irritating dislike of seeing him hurt. Plus she's got a plan in motion and she needs to keep him distracted.

She clicks off the TV and leans back into the couch cushions. "For what reason would Dick be mad at you?"

"I kind of stormed off yesterday before he got back from the bathroom. I called him afterward. Left a few messages too, but he never called me back. I would have thought he'd respond by now." Despite the fact that he's a grown man of adequate proportions (compared to an Amazon), the way Jason hunches in on himself makes him look young and small.

Artemis lets out a thoughtful, "hmmm…." Dick did call: the two times she hung up on him and then about a dozen times after that. She sent them all to voicemail (with a newly recorded 'The Outlaws are Out of Office!' greeting). Then Dick sent a few scores of texts until Artemis finally had Bizarro send an 'Error, inbox full' message. He probably would have come straight to the floating base too, if Artemis hadn't also had Bizarro cloak the building and momentarily move it out of Gotham.

Jason remains none the wiser. He was too busy moping about in his room. She doesn't want Jason to think too hard on it though. At least not until tonight….

Artemis attempts to assuage his fears with, "He probably got called away on a mission. Just give it a few days."

Jason nods, though he still looks quite dejected. To distract him, Artemis pulls up a list on her phone and shows it to Jason. "Here. Which ones are your favorite?"

It's a list of poems that Bizarro had concocted based on his machine learning algorithmic analysis of Jason’s reading habits. Jason scans through the list and eyes Artemis suspiciously. "Why do you want to know?"

"I'm… interested in learning more of the poetry of Man's World," Artemis replies. "I found the poetry slam intriguing."

The answer seems good enough for the moment, and Jason marks off several poems. "I really like these. I think it's better if they're read aloud too. So um… if you ever wanna hear them out loud let me know."

He mumbles the last part of the sentence into his shoulder as he turns his head away. His face has turned a visibly bright pink shade.

He likes to recite poetry, Artemis concludes. Oh, this is perfect, she thinks. All is going according to plan.

Dick and his friends show up that evening right on time—as soon as Bizarro uncloaks the building and moves the floating base back to Gotham.

“What did you do to Jason? He hasn't answered any of my calls!” Dick storms in, dressed in full costume and with his entourage of friends following closely behind him. They come in through Bizarro's little dimensional door that opens up into a newly constructed training room that he warmly calls the Holodeck. He seems to find the name quite amusing, though Artemis isn't quite sure why, but it's equipped with some kind of virtual reality technology.

Dick hasn't quite drawn his little sticks yet, but he looks about ready to as he waits for Artemis to answer. She doesn't respond right away. Instead, she just looks down her nose at him with her arms crossed (she will, however, concede that she's mildly impressed at how unphased he is at her intimidation), until Dick finally opens his mouth once more—just in time for Artemis to cut him off.

"Artem–"

"I assure you, Jason has come to no physical harm."

"Great." Dick remains tense. "Then where is he?"

Artemis shrugs. “Probably reading.”

“Okay. Let's see him then,” Dick insists.

“Of course.” Artemis keeps her eyes on Dick and his friends as she calls out, “Bizarro?”

Off to the side, a plain wooden door appears. It's another one of Bizarro’s dimensional doors. Artemis reaches for the knob and turns it. Ever. So. Sloooowly….

Dick tenses. Behind him Donna reaches her hand up, readying to draw her sword. Wally swings a foot behind himself, setting himself up to spring forward. Garth balls his fists, the crackle of magic hums in the air.

Artemis swings the door open wide to show–

–a startled looking Jason, with a casserole dish halfway into the oven in one hand, the other hand occupied with stuffing a piece of bread into his mouth.

He nearly drops the dish in surprise, but manages to balance the dish and tip it back onto the oven rack as soon as he sees it's just them. He closes the oven door and straightens up, wipes his hands across his apron, then cocks his head at Artemis.

“Mrwats, grrwing mmmrwawn?” he murmurs around the piece of bread in his mouth. It's a piece of that olive loaf that Jason likes to buy. The crust is hard and the piece of bread too large. Crumbs fall out of his mouth as he tries to speak.

“Tch! Don’t talk with your mouth full,” Artemis scolds.

“Jay!” Dick launches forward and puts his hands on Jason’s shoulders. “I’ve been calling you! I was worried when you didn’t text me back.”

“Mrryoo mrrn mrarlling mrr?” The wad of bread in Jason’s mouth isn’t going down without a fight.

Dick turns to Artemis, “What the hell is going on? What’s with the charade?”

“I apologize for the brief deception, but Bizarro and I needed time to set up The Challenge.”

“The Challenge?”

“Yes.” Artemis takes a few steps back toward the center of the training room and raises her arms up into the air. Right on cue, Bizarro activates the holographic projections. The room grows in size untils it becomes endlessly cavernous. A maze of ten-foot walls spring up from the floor beyond where the group stands, and Bizarro’s visage appears on some sort of floating screen that materializes up above. He waves down at them and gives a thumbs up.

Artemis turns back to Dick. “It seems there has been doubt amidst your comrades on the worthiness of your chosen lover, Jason. As I explained yesterday, the Amazons of Bana-Mighdall would traditionally put the lover in question through a challenge, which required the lover to recite the rites of the goddess Hathor while battling to the death.”

“Hey, wait a minute! No one’s going to die today!” Dick cries out, but Artemis quiets him with a wave of her hand.

“Shush and let me finish,” she barks. “What kind of friend do you take me for? We all know your friends would slaughter Jason if given the proper chance." To which there is a vehement cry of protest ("Come on, we're not that bad!" says Wally).

Artemis ignores him and keeps going. “To give Jason a fair chance of completing the challenge, he must battle through your honor guard, one by one at three stations, but only for the duration of a recitation of a set of chosen poems. He must finish the poems in their entirety to complete the round. If any of your comrades pin him for five seconds before he finishes his recitation, he forfeits the round. He must best two out of three.”

“Okay,” Dick nods. “Where am I in all this?”

“You will both be navigating through a maze from opposite ends for this trial. Jason’s progress will be broadcast in the projection screens above the maze, and as he goes through his recitations, you must simply identify the correct poet while making your way toward the maze center. At the end of the trial you must both appear before the shrine in the center of the maze to receive your blessing from Hathor.”

“So in summary, we just have to body slam Jason while he’s reciting poetry,” Wally pipes up again.

“Precisely,” Artemis grins. “It is an Amazonian Poetry Body Slam.”

Apparently Jason’s finally finished chewing his piece of bread because his jaw practically drops to the floor. “Poetry Body Slam? You’ve got to be kidding me!”

“I’m not sure about this,” Garth looks reticent. “We’ve told Jason what we think. Perhaps we should leave it at that and go.”

“No wait,” Donna stays Garth with a hand on his shoulder. “Let’s do it. Let’s see if Jason can take us on. The Amazons of Themyscira have traditions and trials to prove a lover’s worth too. It's mostly ceremonial, but the test symbolizes commitment." She aims a hard stare at Jason. "So what's it going to be, Jason? Are you committed? Or are you too afraid?”

"Jay–," Dick tries to intercede, but Jason cuts in.

"I'm not afraid of you," he huffs. "It doesn't prove a thing about me and Dick, but I'll do the challenge just to prove you wrong."

Artemis is pleased. Dick looks perturbed. His friends look like vultures circling for the kill.

After everyone has agreed, including a reluctant Dick, Artemis hands Jason a printout of the selected poems.

Jason looks down at the paper and blushes. "Oh. These are the ones you had me pick out this morning."

The corner of her mouth threatens to twitch upward, but Artemis preempts it with a gruff, "Do you need a moment to memorize them?"

"No." He goes even redder. "I know them. Let me go change though."

Bizarro transports everyone into position once Jason returns in his Red Hood getup. He readies at the start of the maze, with Wally at the first post, Garth at the second, and Donna at the center at Hathor's shrine. Artemis blocks the maze entrance at the opposite end. Dick stands before her.

Above the maze, the on-screen Bizarro is replicated at all angles so he is easily viewed by all participants. He starts a countdown: "Five. Four. Three. Two. One. Go!"

Artemis watches on the overhead screen as Jason leaps forward and begins to recite–

Good. It's enough for her to know that he’s started into the first poem. She turns her attention back to the real reason she's put on this distraction.

"Mistress, to me!" She calls out, and Dick barely turns away from watching the screen to leap out of the enormous axe's path as it flies into her waiting hands.

Dick lands gracefully after spinning through the air like a pinwheel—and by the goddess a grown man his size shouldn't be able to land on his toes—after which she jabs the butt of her axe straight at his sternum.

Those little sticks of his twirl up into his hands just in time to deflect the blow. "Artemis, what’s gotten into you and Bizarro? This is totally unnecessary. Jason doesn’t need to prove anything!" He isn't strong enough to repel the axe so he uses the momentum to pivot, forcing Mistress to swing sideways and Artemis along with her.

Cute, but it is by no means enough to thwart her. She spins on her heel and comes back around to smack him hard on the shoulder with the flat of her blade.

"Agreed," she replies as Dick staggers. "This challenge is not for Jason, but it is for his benefit. Your friends aren’t convinced he would do anything for you, but it will show them he will. Including making a fool of himself for this farce. The real test is for you."

"What are you talking about?" Dick feints and then springs into a jump kick that knocks her axe out of the way, which brings him close enough to aim a nerve strike at her shoulder. He misses of course, but he keeps talking. “How is any of this about me?”

Artemis aims a kick at Dick’s groin. "What good is a lover who only loves being loved?"

Dick dodges in the nick of time and rolls away. He doesn't press forward like she expects though, even as she goes on the offense again. He counters her moves well enough, but then rolls out of reach once more and comes to a stop. "Wait. You think I'm not good enough?"

There's a reticence in his voice that contrasts sharply with his usual confident air, and he falters when Artemis lunges and lands a fist in his ribs. She pulls her punch before she breaks anything, but it leaves him clutching his side.

"It seems you’re not as dimwitted as those typical of your anatomy would suggest," she says.

Dick just wheezes.

"Aah!" Someone yelps suddenly, but it's not Dick. It sounds like Jason and it's coming from above them on the screen.

Artemis keeps Dick in view and looks up to see it's Wally attempting to pin Jason, but there's a flare of electricity and Wally releases him and jumps away. "Hey, no fair! Your suit's got a taser?"

Jason picks himself off the floor and shrugs. He's lost his red helmet at some point so everyone can clearly see the smug smile plastered across his face. "It's an 'omni-directional defense system.' Courtesy of Bizarro. This is part of my regular gear so it's not against the rules." He begins to recite again as he attempts to edge past Wally in the maze.

Wally tries a few more times with the same result. He pins Jason only to be forced off by the jolt of electricity from Jason’s chestplate. It wards off Wally just long enough for him to finish the verse.

Wally holds his hands up in defeat as Jason runs past. Artemis turns her attention back to Dick.

"The poet," she prompts.

"What?"

"You are to name the poet."

"Oh, right." He takes a moment to think and says,“William Shakespeare. Sonnet 29.”

"Hmmph," Artemis readies her sword. "That was too easy. Let's see if you can actually make it into the maze this time."

On the screen, Jason is winding around corners, running through twists and turns, and tracking along the intersecting walls until he stumbles into the second station.

Garth is waiting for him. His fists are balled, haloed in surging magic as Jason begins to recite the next poem.

Jason continues reciting on the screen, and with a roar Artemis turns and lunges at Dick. "Name the poet!" she cries as she slams into him from the side.

Dick goes sprawling with the blow, a motion that looks uncharacteristically awkward on his flailing limbs. He quickly rolls himself up and stutters, "It's… uh…."

"Who?" Artemis swings hard with her sword and Dick nearly loses his grip on his sticks as he uses them to block.

"Nnrrg…," he grunts and then guesses, "Longfellow?"

"Wrong," she tuts. "Not even close. You should know, when you're supposedly his bedfellow."

"Heh. It rhymes." Dick quips as he quickly recovers. He flips and dances out of range, singing–

Artemis intercepts as he rounds toward the entrance of the maze. She's not quite as fast as Dick, but all she has to do is block Dick from slipping through the narrow passageway. She throws her sword to cut across the threshold just as he reaches it, and he's forced to divert at the last minute. The pivot slows him down enough for her to catch him by the scruff of his suit.

"Nice try," she gives him a good shake, "but your verse is amateur. No imagery. No metaphor. No rhetoric or rapport. Your words are quick but have the depth of a bird bath!" She tosses him to the floor and starts–

Dick manages to squirrel from her hold, harping, "Hey, that's cheating. Isn't that a Sapphic verse?"

"So you know more than you let on," Artemis concedes, "but I'm not your lover and that's not the poem Jason recites."

On the screen, Jason is firing off rounds at Garth, dodging magical bolts, and struggling through his recitation as Garth starts to get close enough to make a grab.

"The poet," Artemis makes a jab for Dick's throat to get his attention. "You must complete your part of the challenge."

Dick ducks his head. "I… I don't know!"

"Did you read the book he gave you?"

"What book?" Dick looks confused.

On the screen, Garth is quickly gaining ground against Jason in combat. Jason is making a decent effort—he blocks, he rolls, he uses strength and skill to land several blows—but he's outmatched given Garth's meta abilities. Jason’s taking hits, and it's causing him to stutter through the phrases–

His last words are choked off as a flare of bright lights explodes onto the screen—the purple hue of Garth's magic that overtakes the electric charge of Jason’s armour—when the lights subside Garth has Jason pinned face-down beneath him, knees on either side of Jason’s waist as he struggles to wrench Jason’s hands behind his back.

He counts, "One. Two. Three. Four. Five!"

Garth has won.

"No!" Dick cries in dismay. "Jason didn't finish!"

Artemis snorts. That's not surprising. She and Bizarro had rigged the whole challenge against Jason, though somehow it's still mildly unpleasant to see her comrade lose. Nevertheless, things are still going according to plan. She just needs to encourage Dick to actually do something.

"He failed the second challenge," she says, and more pointedly, "As did you. You could not name the poet, and you've yet to even step foot in the maze."

"This is ridiculous." Dick balls his fists, chest puffed in indignation. "I'm not going to know every single poem that Jason's read."

"Of course not. You just have to know the ones he asked you to read."

Dick doesn't have anything to add to that, but he lets out something like a growl as he watches Garth loosen his hold on Jason on the overhead screen. Garth had to wrap his legs tightly around Jason’s to keep him from moving, so it takes a couple of seconds for him to untangle his limbs. Dick looks unhappy, but it has the effect of motivating him to make another dash for the maze entrance.

Artemis is ready though, and once again, they clash before Dick makes it into the maze. They're squared off against each other again when they both look up at the sound of a bullet pinging off metal.

Jason's made it into the third station. It's a smaller room than the previous stations against Wally and Garth, so there's little space to move. It puts him at an extreme disadvantage to be in close quarters against an Amazonian warrior like Donna.

Dick states the obvious. "That’s not fair! He can’t take Donna in a one-to-one match!"

"He's going to fail," Artemis agrees. She gets past Dick’s defense and slaps him on the side of the head. "You are going to fail. Your love will remain unproven!"

"No! That's not going to happen!" Dick vehemently denies the assertion as he dodges a follow-up swipe from Artemis' fist.

Meanwhile, Artemis watches from the corner of her eye as Jason makes his best attempt to keep his distance from Donna. He begins to recite—

"That poem!" Dick brightens as he hears the words. He strikes back at Artemis with renewed fervor. "I know it! It's–"

"You might as well give up." A sharp voice cuts in over him. It's Donna talking to Jason on the telescreen. She's going at Jason hard, using her shield to slam him backwards. Jason staggers, but he manages to croak out,

Donna lands a punch to Jason's throat and he falls, rasping and coughing through what is surely a bruised trachea.

Clever, Artemis thinks (because the thought will never transcend into spoken words). Donna is preventing Jason from speaking so he can't finish the poem. His taser is still preventing her from doing a full body pin, but it's obvious from the less-than-impressive sparks emitting around him that the charge is running low. Donna is going to wait him out and force Jason to run the charge dry.

"Shit!" Dick sees where this is going too, and finally—finally (as Artemis was just short of resorting to bludgeoning him)—he spurs into action. Instead of making a run for the maze entrance again, he flips up over the swing of Artemis' blade. In the next fraction of a second, he plants his feet on her back and shoulders, then launches himself up high. Artemis barely turns in time to see him catch his toes on the top of the maze walls!

And he's off! He sprints like a cheetah—with powerful leaps and bounds, yet somehow nimble enough to balance on the narrow ledge of the walls—quickly making his way to where Jason is desperately kicking his way out from under where Donna is trying to throttle him with her shield.

In the blink of an eye Dick is already out of sight, so Artemis shouts, "Bizarro, open up a path for me!"

Doorways appear, parting the walls to allow Artemis to make a beeline straight for the third station. She bursts through the last doorway just in time to see Dick pounce like a cat down from the wall. He launches himself, hands out and fingers curled like claws, and smacks into Donna from the side. He knocks her clean off from where she'd managed to grab ahold of Jason and tackles her bodily to the ground.

As soon as Donna's down, a net suddenly explodes over her, and Dick bounces away back toward Jason’s side. Artemis watches as he stands proudly, with what only in Man's world one would call a shit-eating grin (it's a toothy smile like the god Sebek after he has snatched an ibis from beneath the waters). Then he raises his hand to signal the onset of a grand oratio and says–

Dick finishes the last lines of the poem with a bow, then offers his hand out to Jason like a knight in shining armor. "Would you do me the honor?"

It's revoltingly romantic, but with that goofy grin and his overly dramatic airs, Artemis can see Dick is teasing.

Jason rolls his eyes and replies with, "Fuck you." His voice sounds like the scrape of a whetstone over a ragged blade, but he’s smiling as he takes Dick’s hand anyway. Jason leverages up to his feet then adds, "You know the poem?"

Dick grins even wider. "Of course. Emily Dickenson. 'If I can stop one Heart from breaking.' You think I didn't spend months researching every literary reference I could find of Robin at some point? I bet you did too."

Jason's cheeks go a little red. He opens his mouth to reply, but just then, Donna cuts through the net with her sword and springs up.

"I'm not done with you!" She charges, sword drawn and mouth wailing in battle cry.

With their hands still clasped together, Dick drags Jason into a run. Except Jason is beaten, bruised and fatigued. He stumbles, unable to keep apace with his lover, so Dick proceeds to heft Jason over his shoulder in a fireman's carry.

"Hey! Put me down!" Jason protests, but Dick is already halfway into the next room. It's the maze center, and in the middle of the room is Hathor's shrine.

Donna sprints after them, but Artemis intercepts and blocks her path.

"Just who's side are you on?" Donna complains as she attempts to shove past Artemis.

The corner of Artemis' mouth curves into a smirk. "A true Amazon fights for love!"

Donna laughs. She shakes her head as she suppresses a chuckle, then sheaths her sword. They both follow Dick and Jason into the room.

At the maze center, Dick has set Jason down on his feet. With their fingers intertwined, they reach for the little stone statue of Hathor anchored atop the pedestal and…

POP!

Confetti explodes and rains down like snow. Little tiny fireworks burst from the ceiling. Dick looks absolutely delighted. Jason just looks like a deer in the headlights.

Amidst the twinkling sparks that fill the air, Dick tugs Jason close while at the same time sweeping his feet out from under him. Dick catches Jason in his arms before he falls, then tips him backward and plants an open mouthed kiss on his lips.

There are whoops and hollers that follow. Artemis turns to see that Wally and Garth have come up and joined in alongside Donna to cheer the couple on the completion of the challenge.

"Woo! You guys put up quite a fight!" Wally claps and pumps his fist in the air, but then pauses. "Hey, wait a minute. Technically Jason didn't finish– oof!"

He's cut off with an elbow in his ribs from Donna and a kick in the shin from Artemis.

"Shhh," Donna hisses. "They finished it together. That's what's important."

Dick finally relents from plundering Jason’s mouth and lets him up. Jason is flushed like a beet and Dick looks triumphant. They're looking at each other as if there's no one else in the room.

"Come on." Artemis waves for Wally, Donna and Garth to follow. "We'll give them some space. The casserole Jason put in the oven should be finished by now."

The next morning, Artemis trudges toward the kitchen, half blind from the grogginess that comes from broken sleep. The Outlaws had celebrated The Challenge with Dick and his friends the night before. A few bottles of wine were passed around.

After the first glass that Artemis downed, Dick and Jason subtly disappeared from the dining table. After the second glass of wine and with bellies full of a surprisingly gourmet casserole ("It's chicken, wild rice and caramelized root vegetables," Jason had said earlier that evening), Dick's friends gracefully made their exit. After the third glass, Artemis had sat on the couch in front of the television and turned up the volume on the show with the angry chef she liked.

"Get the —— out! I pray to god that what you cooked up doesn't make me vomit!" the chef screamed, but it wasn't quite loud enough to drown out the sound of Jason's competing shout of, "Dick! Oh god, Dick!" from down the hall.

Artemis had given up on enjoying her show and went to bed. Except her bedroom was on the other side of the wall from Jason’s.

"Oh Jesus! Dick, oh god!" It was followed by a litany of moans and rhythmic banging.

Artemis wasn't interested in hearing about Jason’s religion. And at that point she was thoroughly regretting machinating a blessing from Hathor if the result was having to listen to Dick and Jason reap the benefits. Covering her head with a pillow only marginally muffled the sound of the two of them. She finally gave up and had Bizarro move her room to the farthest corner of the floating building, but by then she was wide awake. There was nothing to do but suffer through the long hours of aggravating insomnia until proper morning came.

It was only a little past dawn now and she barely got a wink of sleep. While there was no perfect fix for the heavy, sluggish feeling that clings to her senses, a good cup of coffee would certainly go a long way. Artemis is attempting to rub the sleep out of her eyes as she turns into the kitchen, when she nearly trips over Dick.

He's leaning against the kitchen counter, a freshly brewed cup of coffee in hand. There's another one sitting on the granite countertop. He hands it to her with a smirk.

"I'm angry at you," she grumbles. "You kept me up all night."

"Sorry," Dick says, but he doesn't look sorry at all. "I guess I got a little eager after the blessing."

Artemis just grunts in disapproval.

"So," Dick leans forward, "what was with that statue of Hathor? Was there some kind of love magic in it?"

"No." Artemis takes a sip of the coffee. It's not bad, but it would have been better if Dick hadn't added sugar into it. "It wasn't even really a statue of Hathor. It was just a large rock I got at the local garden center that I had Bizarro reshape."

"Oh." Dick laughs. "Well whatever it was, it worked."

"Regrettably," Artemis huffs as she plops down into a chair. "And where is your besotted lover this morning?"

"Well, let’s just say he's a little sore." That stupid little smirk materializes on Dick’s face again. "I'm gonna let him rest. Anyway, I just wanted to tell you thanks."

"For what?"

"I didn't realize Jason felt like he needed to prove himself. And that my friends made him feel like he didn't deserve to be in a relationship with me. You gave me the chance to make it up to him, to realize I can do better, and also to show Wally, Donna and Garth that we’re serious. Plus I got to do my first ever Poetry Body Slam.” Dick offers a genuine smile. “Thanks Artemis. That was pretty brilliant.”

Artemis shrugs. She’ll admit to herself that the Poetry Body Slam turned out much better than she expected. And nighttime disturbances aside, she’s relieved she got the point across to Dick and his friends that Jason’s not fighting alone in his corner. But just to make it clear, she adds, “If you hurt him, I’ll kill you.”

Dick beams like an idiot. “I’m counting on it.”