Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

If there was one thing you were sure of, it was that you were happy being alone. Whether it was collecting flowers in Springvale on a bright summer afternoon, or floating lazily in Cider Lake, you were by yourself, and happy to be so. It was a wonderful feeling to indulge in the wonders that Teyvat offered when there was nobody around but yourself. You didn’t need others to be happy, and that was that.

You sat on the railing overlooking Monstadt's water fountain. A girl stood beside it, wishing for who knows what, and two others conversed a few metres away. You watched silently from your vantage point, examining the two people before you. One was obviously a Knight of Favonious, while the other was a strikingly beautiful man with tanned skin. His long, silky hair swayed at the slightest of movements, and his gloved hands motioned here and there as he spoke. To put it plainly, he was ethereal. You had never seen him before, though it was expected as you had only just moved to Monstadt fairly recently. Whoever he was, he was the most stunning man you had ever laid your eyes upon.

You fingered the sheathed sword laying on your lap, tracing the dents and scuffs on the leather scabbard. You had wanted to go see the blacksmith for some repairs but took a momentary breather from running errands and doing commissions. It was a hard life, living off of helping others for mere tens of Mora. Hilichurl camps, ruin guards, you name it, you’ve dealt with. And for what? A free meal and loose change, barely enough to get by on. You sighed, running your hands through your hair. You just wanted a stable job, something to calm the constant unease in your stomach. You had originally thought Monstadt would hand you an easier, more exciting way of life, but now it seemed as though you had been sorely mistaken. Prices were low, of course, but earning Mora was the issue. There weren’t a lot of jobs to be offered, and the other choice was working off of commissions. Thankfully, you had plenty of battle experience before Monstadt, which made your life a little easier.

Your eyes widened when the men below you parted ways, and the one with the striking eyes and glistening blue hair caught your gaze. He looked at you for a moment before continuing on his way.

After he was gone from sight, you lifted yourself to the ground and walked over to the blacksmith. Wagner was grumpy as usual, scowling that unwavering scowl.
“Hello, sir. I need some repairs done, if you’re not too busy?” you asked, stuffing your hand in the pocket of your pants, mentally counting the coins. 50, 100…
“Yeah, I’ve got a moment. What do you want?” he asked annoyedly. It wasn’t been the first time you had gone to see Wagner, but he was intimidating nonetheless. 100, 150…
“Ah, just need repairs on a few chips here and there, that’s all,” you replied. It was a little more than a few chips. Okay, a lot more. 200, 250.
“What is it?” he questioned, eyeing the concealed blade resting under your arm. Of course, he wouldn’t remember you or your blade, he had many customers after all.
“Ah- yes! Rancour, sir. Prototype,” you said hastily, plopping the sword onto the counter. He eyed you and then unsheathed the sword. He inspected it with a frown, then named his price.

600 Mora.

You only had 250. You exhaled in disbelief. You had been running around all day but had jack shit to show for it. Panic rose in your chest. You had already neglected to get repairs last time, but this time they were absolutely essential, or the sword would simply crack in half the next time you used it. Buying a new blade would cost, even more, meaning you would have to skip plenty of meals and work double time to scrounge up enough cash for it.
“Is there any way you can- well, reconsider? I’m short on Mora right now,” you asked shakily.
“Hmm,” he hummed, looking you over once more. “The price is what it is, and if you can’t afford it then there’s nothing more I can do for you.” He slid the sword in your direction. You slid it back.
“You’re a blacksmith! You know this sword won’t hold up for much longer. Please, I need this. I can pay you 250 Mora now and I promise I’ll get you the rest after. I just need this, please,” you pleaded. The blacksmith’s eyes were hard and unyielding, and you knew exactly what his response would be without even having to hear it.
“You pay me in full, or you go away,” he sneered, picking up the sword and pushing it to your chest. You hung your head, admitting defeat.
“Of course, I’m sorry,” you said, turning to leave. Before you could get anywhere a gloved hand settled on your shoulder. You twisted your head up only to lay eyes on the beautiful long-haired man you had seen before. You were shocked into silence.
“I seem to have enough Mora for this repair. Here good sir, 600 Mora, as you requested.” The man then plucked the sword from your arms, then presented it to Wagner along with the money. The blacksmith took both, even though the look on his face said he would rather do anything but.
“You didn’t have to do that! I was just fine,” you said angrily. You weren’t sure why, but the fact that someone else was helping you made your cheeks hot and eyebrows furrow. Perhaps it was because you weren’t fond of the notion that someone was taking pity on you.
“Are you sure? Because it sure didn’t look like you were just fine,” he replied. You stared at him but eventually softened your gaze. He had helped you, after all. You exhaled, releasing weeks worth of pent-up frustration and anger. It wasn’t fair to pick a fight with someone who was making your life a little easier.
“Yes, you’re right. Thank you,” you sighed. He smiled down at you, his eyes twinkling.
“Kaeya, Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonious, at your service,” he introduced. Ah, so he was a knight. He didn’t quite look the part, but his act of chivalry made absolute sense now. You told him your name, and you exchanged pleasantries.
“Come, I’ll treat you to a bite while your reparations are being done,” he offered, motioning for you to follow. He sat you down at the Good Hunter and ordered for the both of you. You had never eaten there, so it didn’t matter to you that someone else was picking for you.

“I apologize for saying this, but, you look far too skinny to be a swordsman.” Ah, so he probably assumed you never had the pleasure of ever eating out, that’s why he ordered for you.
“Well, you know, there are more important things than… food,” you said, regretting the words as they escaped your lips. Kaeya looked unimpressed.
“I know better than anyone how exerting it is to be a swordsman, and eating is very much one of the most important things. Enjoying a hearty meal with a glass of wine is essential to the well-being of a knight,” he explained while your food was set out before you.
“Well, I’m not a knight,” you replied. Kaeya only chuckled.
“Naturally, but it applies to you all the same.”

After dining, you thanked Kaeya for the meal. It was the first time your stomach had been full in a long time, causing you to sigh deeply in satisfaction.
“Well, I suppose your weapon ought to be finished by now?” Kaeya speculated. You agreed and you both walked back over to the blacksmith. The sword was in its scabbard sitting off to the side. Wagner watched as you approached, placing the sword on the table. You reached up to grab it.
“That thing was a horror. Take better care of your weapons, girl.” If you had the money, you would, but this blacksmith didn’t seem to understand that.
“Thank you,” you said, then walked away. Kaeya walked by your side, quiet for a moment.
“If it intrigues you, perhaps you could consider becoming a Knight of
Favonious. The wages are liveable, I doubt you would have any problems filling your stomach then.” You really had no intention of becoming a knight, even if it would mean going to bed hungry. The knights of favonious were uptight and pompous, that kind of life wouldn’t suit you at all. At least you were content, adventuring during the long summer days, even if it didn’t earn you much. Sweating profusely in the same constricting uniform day after day didn’t appeal to you in the least.
“Thanks for the offer, but I don’t see myself becoming a knight anytime soon. I appreciate all the help you’ve given me today, though, it was very kind. If you’re ever in need of help, please come find me, I’ll be happy to return the favour.” You smiled. Kaeya returned the gesture.
“I understand. If you ever change your mind you know where to find me. I should head back now, be safe.” He waved, walking up the stone steps towards the Knights of Favonious headquarters, then out of sight. You looked down at your sword, then unsheathed it slightly. Shiny and practically new-looking. It was beautiful. You thanked Barbatos that Kaeya had been there today, or else you would have found yourself in deep trouble.

Weeks went by, and you found yourself easing in to your new life a little better. You started making money on official commissions from the Adventurer’s Guild on top of the ones you took from people around town. You could eat at least two meals a day, and renting your living space was less of an issue. Things were going well. After your fist encounter with Captain Kaeya, you hadn’t spoken to him again. You had, in fact, seen him walking with a purpose here and there, but most of the time you were outside of the city, exploring and defeating enemies. You were both constantly occupied, an unavoidable circumstance on both ends. Sure, Kaeya had helped you when you found yourself in a tight spot, but he held no more of a special place in your heart than any other person. Getting close to him would only mean disaster for you, so it was for the absolute best. He was a busy guy and you were a busy girl, and that’s how life went.

Until one hot summer afternoon.

You were wearing a sleeveless, high-necked white shirt paired with baggy, dark green cargo pants. On your feet were knee-high black boots with steel toes and endless numbers of straps and buckles. You had underestimated the weather that day and saying it was hot out was an understatement. You were boiling in your skin, sizzling away under the sun.

You were lounging in your usual place on the railing above the water fountain, taking a well-needed break. You wiped a bead of sweat from your forehead.
“Hello up there,” said a voice. You cast your gaze away from the open sky and down in front of you.
“Oh, hello captain,” you said, surprised to see him.
“Apologies for bothering you when you’re resting, but it seems I’ll need to redeem that favor from you.” You raised your eyebrow in interest. What could he possibly need that required you?
“Sure, what can I do for you?” you said as you crossed one leg over the other.
“Hilichurls, and a lot of them. I’m not sure if this is in your area of expertise, but I’m low on men. Extremely. They’ve all gone out to accomplish one thing or another, and I’m not sure I can take the entire camp out on my own. It’s not as if I can leave them be, either. Soon enough they’ll encroach on our land and we’ll face an even larger problem. So, can I depend on your help?” You smiled at his request. Of course he could. Nobody knew it, but you were a master swordsman, and a very humble one, indeed.
“I’ll see what I can do.”

“Up there,” Kaeya pointed. You strained your eyes to see what he was gesturing to. It was a massive camp, full of hilichurls. More than you had ever taken on at once, but it didn’t scare you.
“Okay, then. Let’s go.” You went to march straight towards the camp, but Kaeya pulled you back.
“No plan? You’re just going to waltz right in?” he asked, incredulous. You shot him a look of confusion.
“Yes? What else would you expect me to do?” You shook your head, turning back around. Kaeya sighed but followed anyway. You snuck up the hill and hid behind a tree right beside the camp, unsheathing your rancour. It wasn’t the most sophisticated blade, but it was your tried and true. You nodded to Kaeya, who was hidden behind an adjacent tree, his own sword in hand. At once, you both leapt into the open, revealing yourself to the hilichurls. They all jumped in realization, then began running over to attack their uninvited guests. Adrenaline pulsed through your veins, and you could only assume Kaeya was feeling the same. The first hilichurl was easy. you sliced him across the throat until he was nothing more than a pile of ash. The second, third, and fourth we’re just as easy. The crowd thinned, and the battle seemed to come to an end, until a large figure came rushing from the forest, bashing into you at full speed. It had been far too fast, catching you completely off guard. You yelped as you were thrown through the air, smashing into a tree. The impact hurt, but you’d faced worse. Kaeya saw what happened, yelling over to you in concern.
“I- I’m fine,” you wheezed, trying to catch your breath. When you looked up, you saw one of the biggest mitachurls you had ever seen, wielding a massive wooden shield. Kaeya was finishing off the rest of the hilichurls, unable for the moment to come to your aid. He looked frustrated, perhaps a little nervous. You got to your feet, planting them into the ground. No creature was going to make a fool of you in front of the captain.
“Alright, asshole, come on,” you taunted, breathing heavily. The monster roared, picking up the shield to attack. You dodged to the side, rolling then springing back onto your feet. Now that you knew it was there, its speed wouldn’t get the best of you again. You circled around its rear before it could recover from the attack, landing a clean slice down the entirety of the creature’s back. Wagner sure was a testy man, but he did his job well. The mitachurl let out a pained howl, twisting around to face you once more. You walked backwards slowly, analyzing the creature’s movements as it stalked forwards. You had it, all you needed was the optimal moment to land the lethal blow.
“Hey! You!” It was Kaeya’s voice, distracting the monster. You tutted as the mitachurl turned back around, now interested in Kaeya instead. Before you could deal any damage, the monster rushed forward like he had done previously. Kaeya used an elemental burst of ice, but it was only blocked by the enormous shield. You had no idea Kaeya was in possession of a Vision, but the situation was far too tense to linger on the thought. Kaeya jumped out of the way before he was sent flying, but the mitachurl did something neither of you was expecting. It stopped in its tracks and swung the shield to the side, knocking Kaeya off of his feet and to the ground. Had… it foreseen that Kaeya would dodge? Had a monster like that truly outsmarted a human?
“Captain! Are you alright?” you yelled over but got no reply. Panic rose in your chest. You hoped it wasn’t serious, but Kaeya was most definitely hurt. He should have let you deal with the mitachurl. You scolded yourself for not taking it down on the first try.
“Hey!” you yelled, furious. How dare it set up camp on the land of others and cause them harm? The mitachurl turned its attention to you.

You were going to make sure this hurt. And badly.

“Let’s dance, jackass.” The mitachurl approached, heaving its shield up to deal another blow, but you already had it’s few attacks memorized and countered in your head. The first attack was easily dodged, as you rolled out of the way. You then ducked the second attack, the movement giving you ample room the approach the enemy from the bottom. As soon as it stopped swinging, you rose, stabbing the monster through the abdomen. It let out a guttural cry, the sound that confirmed to you that it was done for. The mitachurl fell to its knees, then began dissipating into the wind in glowing particles. You spared no time before you were at Kaeya’s side, inspecting his injuries. He was unconscious and wounded. His leg had a deep gash that was bleeding profusely, most definitely acquired from contact with the Mitachurl’s gnarled shield. You bit your lip. Sure, you did a lot of adventuring but never had you seen an injury quite like this. You looked around frantically, trying to figure out what to do.

Pressure. Apply pressure to the wound. But with what? You didn’t have much. Sighing, you ripped the material of your pant leg, applying the fabric to Kaeya’s wound. You kept applying pressure, trying to think of what to do next.

Kaeya’s eyes suddenly widened, a gasp escaping his lungs. You looked over to him, concern lacing your voice.
“Kaeya! Are you alright?” you asked, leaning over. He looked a little dazed, not concussed thankfully.
“Yeah, ah- ow. I think so.” He looked down to you from where he lay, examining the situation. He saw you pressing cloth to his wound to stop the bleeding, noticing your ripped pants.
“I- I’m sorry. I was reckless.” You shook your head. You wanted to agree with him, but somehow that didn’t seem like the best thing to do in this situation.
“Don’t worry. You’re safe and that’s all that matters,” you explained, taking a moment to do a sweeping motion with a blood-stained hand. You looked at Kaeya as he lay on the ground, eyebrows furrowed and eyes nailed shut. It was obvious he was in a lot of pain.
“Seems I was worried about the wrong person,” he chuckled wryly, placing one arm over his eyes to shield himself from the sun. The heat was beating down on the both of you, if you didn’t leave soon it would mean a couple of cases of nasty heatstroke.
“I don’t blame you. I would have done the same for someone whose abilities I was unsure of,” you said, attempting to ease his mind. Before he could respond you continued. “Alright, we should get you back to town,” you sighed, sheathing your sword at your hip. “Don’t want that wound to start festering.” The bleeding from Kaeya’s wound had only ceased a slight amount. He needed medical attention, and you had no experience with anything such as that. The best thing to do was get him back to Monstadt as quickly as possible so he could be dealt with there.

After tying the fabric of your pants around the wound, you helped Kaeya to his feet, letting him grasp onto your shoulder as you walked back to town. The trip was silent and slowgoing, the entire walk consisting of Kaeya grunting and groaning through his teeth. Your makeshift bandage was beginning to soak though, his crimson blood soaking what used to be the leg of your cargo pants. You were nervous, but you told yourself everything would be fine.
“Are you alright?” he asked, panting. You were caught off guard by the question. He was hurt and was concerned for you?
“Y-yeah I’m fine, thank you,” you stuttered. Kaeya exhaled a breath of relief but didn’t speak.

Out of nowhere, a peculiar feeling came creeping up your spine. It was unlike anything you had ever experienced, taking you completely by surprise. You glanced to the side to look at the taller man, searching his features for an answer. Was it Kaeya making you feel this way? Said man turned, feeling your eyes on him.
“Something on my face?” he breathed, sweat dripping down his neck.
“Ah, no. Just thinking. We’re almost there, keep going,” you replied. It was odd, the emotion rising in your chest. As time went on, the sensation only grew, expanding and surging throughout your body as if it was trying to take control. Unable to ignore it anymore, you reached deep within yourself to try and come to any semblance of a conclusion as to what it was. Then it hit you.

You were happy.

Happy that somebody needed you. Happy that somebody was gripping onto you for stability, who was relying on you to help them. Never had anyone needed you, or at least made it clear that they did. This was the first time you had been depended on, and it made your heart swell.

All your life, you had been lonely and avoided. When you were young, you had dreams of becoming an adventurer, discovering forgotten lands, and traversing extreme terrain without so much as breaking a sweat. You liked to keep this dream inside, going off on your own and venturing through the world around you. Due to your being introverted, everyone in your village mischaracterized you, seeing you instead as a stuck-up elitist. All you wanted to do was be free, become a person you could be proud of, but instead, your fate in that village was decided by preconceived notions. Nobody but your family knew the true person you were, so when the time came, you left. Not because those around you couldn’t stand the person they believed you were, but because you needed to know what it felt like to truly be set free; what it was like to start anew.

You made it to the bridge approaching Monstadt. Finally, you could get Kaeya some medical attention and take a long-awaited drink of water. You pulled the captain along, more of his body weight being leaned into you as he grew weaker.
“Hey- hi! I need some help, please!” you yelled, alerting the two guards at the town’s entrance. They came rushing over.
“What happened here?” one of them asked.
“Captain Kaeya! Sir! You don’t look very well,” said the other.
“I’ll be just- fine. Just a cut.” Just a cut huh? Didn’t seem that way to you. You handed Kaeya over to the guards, explaining what had happened. You may have skewed the story a little in Kaeya’s favor, making it seem as though he had gotten hurt whilst saving you. You had no reputation in Monstadt, but Captain Kaeya did. Whether people thought of you as weak or not held no importance to you.

You watched as the guards took off with Kaeya, then sighed. Jeez, that was a whole lot more than you expected. You weren’t sure where the guards were taking him, but you were positive he would be just fine. You had no reason to worry, so you walked away in the other direction.

A nice swim in Cider Lake was very much deserved after everything that had just transpired, in your opinion.

That night, you found yourself tossing and turning, wondering if Kaeya was alright. The Nights of Favonious were pompous, but they excelled at what they did. No doubt Kaeya was put in good hands, but you were still worried for him. The wound inflicted on his lower thigh was deep and it made you queasy just thinking about it. Thank Barbatos he had asked you to come, otherwise who knows what would have happened to him?

But why should you care what becomes of him anyway? He was just another person. Just another grain of sand on the beach, indiscernible from the rest. But for some reason, you didn’t want him to be the same as everybody else, coming into your life and then going just as quickly. Why though? What had he done to make you want to get to know him?

You thought back, to how he had been concerned for your well-being, treating you to a meal, but not making it seem as though he felt sorry for you. He hadn’t shoved money in your face, nor had he cast you a pitying glance. He helped you on your feet, then let you handle the rest. He hadn’t assumed anything of you, nor treated you any differently based on that. He treated you like a human, more than most people had ever done. That was why. You felt respected by him.

You turned over on your pillow, biting on your fingernail. Could Kaeya be, well, just maybe, a possible friend? You’d never really had friends before, and the notion excited you. Maybe he was far too busy and sophisticated to have friends. You began to doubt yourself. Yes, maybe Kaeya was a good person, but what about you? You’d always respected everyone deserving of it, you’d always said please and thank you, but what if Kaeya thought you were rude or obnoxious? You shook your head, dismissing such thoughts.

If he couldn’t stand you, would he have come to you for help in the first place?

The next day was moderately quiet. You had finished your commissions quite early in the morning, leaving the rest of your schedule open to whatever you wanted to do. With a decent amount of money in your wallet, you were able to relax much more than before and even purchase yourself a new pair of pants. You weren’t one for change, unfortunately, as the pants you bought looked exactly like the previous pair you had to destroy. On the bright side, your wrecked cargos made for good shorts to help survive Monstadt’s persistent heatwave.

You were hanging around the town square, eating an apple. The crisp, sweet flavor of the fruit mixed with the background noises of Monstadt’s early afternoon hustle and bustle was calming. You watched people come and go, sitting next to the giant statue in the middle of the square. Your legs were outstretched, one crossed over the other, and your hand was resting on the ground behind you, keeping you upright. You chomped away at the apple with your other hand, enjoying the blue sky above. You were glad you moved away from your village. Monstadt was far, far nicer.

“Slacking off, I see,” said a voice behind you. You knew it was Kaeya just by the soft yet mature tone of his voice. You tilted your head backward, seeing him loom over you with a teasing smile on his face. You smirked back at him.
“Yes, I am slacking off. What about it?” you retorted, equally as playful. You got up from the ground and turned to face him.
“I only assumed someone like you would be out in the forest collecting mushrooms or something of the sort,” he said, waving a hand around in the air with the other on his hip. You laughed.
“Is that what you imagine I do all day?” you asked.
“Of course not,” he chuckled, his features telling you his reason for coming hadn’t only been to tease you. He straightened up a little bit. You could tell he had something to say. The playful mood died down and Kaeya stayed silent for a moment. His smile faded and his expression grew somber.
“I really am sorry.” You were confused. Sorry for what?
“Uh, what?” you asked.
“When I went to investigate that hilichurl camp, I hadn’t seen any mitachurls in the area. I had you deal with something that wasn’t what you agreed to, something that could have gotten you hurt,” he explained, clearly guilty for his actions. “Then you practically carried me all the way back to Monstadt. It was a shameful act, one that I’m not proud of.” You listened carefully to the captain’s words. He was really upset about this? You glanced to his thigh, no wound in sight, only the material of his pants.
“How is your wound? Does it still hurt?” Kaeya frowned at your disregard for his words. You didn’t know what he was expecting. For you to resent him? To yell at him?
“Don’t you understand? I put you in danger. I did a poor job surveilling the camp and put both of our lives at risk.” You clicked your tongue, slightly irritated.
“What is it you expect me to say? We all make mistakes. In the end, you’re okay and I’m okay, so getting angry at you for being human doesn’t change anything or make anything better,” you said, trying to explain to him that his frustrations are not needed. “So, how is your leg?” you asked again, determined for an answer. Kaeya sighed. He looked upset, but not as guilty as he did before.
“Painful but tolerable,” he replied. “If it weren’t for your help I suspect it would have been far worse, so thank you.” You looked into Kaeya’s blue irises, seeing the genuineness they reflected.
“No problem at all. I did what I had to.” Kaeya shifted his weight onto the other foot, crossing his arms as he frequently did.
“Had I known you were so experienced with a blade,” he began, shaking his head. “I wouldn’t have done something so rash. Your skills are very impressive, a fact I will take into account next time.” You lingered on the last two words Kaeya had spoken. Next time? Did that mean he was planning on asking you for help in the future? The thought of it made your heart beat in your chest.
“Looking forward to it, captain,” you smiled, giving him a lazy salute. He rolled his eyes playfully, the dark look in them fading away.
“Alright then, I should return to my duties,” he said, turning away. “Again, thank you, and apologies for causing you trouble.” You waved at him as he walked away.
“I live for trouble, captain, no need to apologize,” you yelled after him. You watched as he seemed to falter for a moment before continuing on his way, but you simply brushed it off.

Weeks passed, and Kaeya came to you more and more to help with knightly duties he was far too busy to carry out. You enjoyed the assignments he gave you, so you accepted them gladly. After every job you refused to accept any Mora from Kaeya, so it became common for him to reward you by means of sticky honey roast.

After all, you enjoyed the time spent with him. Not that you would admit it, though.

You were dining once again at the Good Hunter, sharing a meal with Kaeya. He was sitting across from you, sipping a glass of wine.
“You were busy today huh?” you asked, stabbing a piece of meat with your fork and eating it.
“Yes,” he said, pinching the bridge of his nose. “These past weeks have been harsh. I feel terrible for asking so much of you.” You swallowed.
“Never mind that. You know I enjoy helping you out, so stop feeling bad about it.”
“Yes, you’re right, but I could at least compensate you with something a little more than honey roast.” You raised your hand as to silence Kaeya before he slandered your favorite meal once more.
“Correction: sticky honey roast is more than enough compensation. I couldn’t ask for anything else,” you said, savoring each bite of meat.

Kaeya laughed, then smiled deeply at you. It was a smile you’d never seen before, one that permeated into your very soul.

Your cheeks reddened. Why they had, you were unsure of, but the more you were self-aware of the fact you were blushing the hotter your face grew.

You were suddenly aware of every movement of Kaeya’s lips, his exposed skin, his silky hair. He was a magnificent creature, chiseled by the hands of Barbatos himself. You had to force yourself to turn away. Kaeya said your name, the word making your stomach flutter. He had said it many times before, so why did now have such an odd effect on you now?
“Hey, are you alright? I can get Barbara if you’re not feeling well,” Kaeya offered, placing a hand on your bare arm. You jerked the appendage away at his touch, flustered and confused by his sudden impact on you. You shot your head back to meet Kaeya’s gaze. He looked just as lost as you were, perhaps a little hurt.
“I- I’m sorry, I think I should go.” With that, you got up, mumbled a ‘thanks for the meal’, and left.

Kaeya sat, dumbfounded, wondering what he had done wrong.

That night proved a sleepless one. No matter what you tried to think of, your mind immediately trailed back to thoughts of Kaeya. The way he walked, the way he spoke so elegantly, the way he simply was. You hadn’t thought about him in a romantic way before, but now you were beginning to doubt your intentions. Had you truly wanted to become friends with him or something far more?

Chapter Text

You were embarrassed to admit it, but you were avoiding Kaeya like the plague. For days you had walked around Monstadt on high alert, not willing or able to confront him. It was ridiculous, childish, even. But you simply couldn’t do it. You’d seen him around on several occasions but scurried off as soon as you had noticed it was him.

After that night, things just weren’t the same.

You sauntered over the bridge leading back into Monstadt, tired after a long day. Your muscles were aching and your eyelids drooped heavily. You’d spent all day working, telling yourself it was for the Mora, but deep down you knew it was because you were avoiding someone in particular.

You watched the water down below sparkle in the moonlight, the ripples flashing like hundreds of tiny diamonds. It was relaxing and quiet, very contradictory to how you felt. Chaos reigned inside your mind and you could do nothing to stop it. You grumbled, turning to face the front gate. Whatever phase you were going through, you wanted it to end already. Enough with the sleepless nights and enough with him.

You stopped in your tracks when you saw who was at the front gate, speaking to one of the guards. Your pulse and breathing quickened. You hadn’t expected to see him, not now, not here. How could you face him? After abandoning him at the dinner table? After all those thoughts and feelings came crashing down on you all at once? Steadying your breathing, you forced yourself to march forward.

He was just like everybody else.

Kaeya noticed your approach to the entrance of Monstadt, his attention drawn to you. You were hoping to slip by, but it seemed that would not be the case. Why was Kaeya up so late anyway? He looked at you, his eyes telling you he was worried. You felt guilty for going radio silent, but you just didn’t have the guts to approach him. He dismissed the guard, then stepped closer to you. You wanted to put more space between the two of you, but you knew Kaeya would take it the wrong way. He said your name softly, and the sound of it almost made your heart implode. Why was this happening to you? And of all people, why was it Kaeya who had this effect?
“I’ve been trying to get in touch with you, but it seems you’ve been quite busy these last few days,” Kaeya said, not seeming to believe his own words. Did he sound almost… accusatory? You exhaled, rubbing the back of your neck. You couldn’t blame him. You had run off without a word, then gone missing for multiple days. Anyone would have been worried if they were him.
“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I wasn’t feeling well,” you lied. The same unimpressed look flashed over Kaeya’s face, the same one he gave you the first time you met more than a month ago. You thought he was an open book, but it seemed he could read you just as well.
“Something’s bothering you?” he asked, but you knew that he knew he had hit the nail on the head. He phrased it as a question, but he was sure he was right. He didn’t even bother asking if you were feeling better, because he knew you hadn’t even been sick in the first place. You hated that he was so perceptive, but refused to accept that he was creating some sort of reaction within you.
“No, really, it was just a stomachache. Thank you for worrying, though, that’s sweet of you.” Kaeya’s eyes widened a little bit, and his mouth hung open a shred, but he regained his composure quickly. Was it something you said? He straightened up, clearing his throat. You swore you could see a twinge of red on his cheeks, but the lights emanating from the lamps cast sharp shadows that made it difficult to tell.
“Of course,” he said, quieter than usual. The discomfort you felt around Kaeya began to dissipate, turning into the same content feeling you used to have when around him. Maybe you’d just needed to talk to him.
“So, what are you doing out here so late in the night?” you inquired. You definitely had just reminded him of something he would rather not talk about, as his expression quickly changed from calm to troubled. He crossed his arms as if the motion were second nature to him. He replied stiffly.
“I was collecting intel,” he stated, motioning over to one of the guards. “A traveler came across a trio of abyss mages taking refuge in a cave in Dragonspine. Seems they’re planning something.” You placed a finger over your chin, processing what you had just been told. It wasn’t unheard of to see abyss mages wandering around, but a collection of them in such a secluded, off-the-grid area? It didn’t make sense to you. They had something in mind, but whatever it was, you had no clue.
“Seems that way, indeed,” you repeated. “What do you think they’re up to?” Kaeya shrugged, shaking his head.
“I don’t tend to find myself dealing with the Abyss Order frequently, so what their plan is is beyond me. Perhaps they intend to use the cave as a base of operations, but nothing can be said for sure,” he explained, running a hand through his hair. While Monstadt was still very new to you, you absolutely would not allow the Abyss Order to make a move on it. You spoke up, determined to make it up to Kaeya for being so immature these past few days.
“What can I do to help?” Kaeya only looked at you with a blank expression.
“You… want to help?” he asked. You nodded.
“Of course, I’ve been giving you a hand for a while now, so why wouldn’t I?” Kaeya seemed to search for the proper words for a moment before responding.
“Well, I was under the impression that you were no longer interested in the affairs of the Knights of Favonius, that’s all.” You felt the shame flood your being. The words weren’t meant to be scathing, but you felt terrible nonetheless.
“No, of course not. I- I just needed a couple of days to recuperate, that’s all,” you defended, trying to make Kaeya see that you were still on board. He studied your face for a moment. His countenance told you he still wasn’t buying your charade.
“If I’ve done something to offend you,” he said wholeheartedly, a hand over his heart. “Then tell me, please. I apologize if anything I might have said that night was distasteful,” he said. You shifted in place, wanting to forget all about what happened and finally move on.
“You said nothing wrong, I promise. I was just having a bad couple of days, alright?” you assured. Kaeya sighed, knowing he would be getting nowhere with you.
“I’d be happy to have you accompany me, then,” he said, seeming a little relieved that you were still willing to help.
“So, what’s the plan?” you asked, curious as to how he was going to approach the situation. He tapped his chin in thought.
“I suppose we’ll take a page from your book,” he smirked. “Barge in and take care of business. That is unless you can think of something better.” You chuckled, glad to see Kaeya was joking with you again.
“No, no, sounds good. I don’t do well with instructions, anyways.” Kaeya gazed up at the stars, still smirking.
“Alright then, it’s settled. We depart early tomorrow morning. We need to put an end to this as soon as possible,” he explained. You nodded, giving the captain a thumbs up.

The both of you then walked into town, chatting about one thing or another. You asked Kaeya about himself, to which he began telling you a story about the eyepatch he wore, then he asked you the same thing. You took a moment to think, but you were sure nothing was interesting enough to tell.
“Everyone has a story worth sharing,” he said. You looked into his eyes as you both stood near one of the benches in the town square, overlooking Monstadt. The light mirrored in his pupils, the soft shadows accentuating his sharp features. Even if you hadn’t known him for long, you couldn’t help but feel a thin red thread connecting the both of you.
“Is that right?” You asked nobody in particular. You observed the quiet scenery below, thinking of what to say.
“What exactly is it you want to know?” Kaeya leaned on the railing and rested his chin in his hand. He rolled his head to the side to look at you.
“Well, for starters, where are you from?” He questioned.

You were afraid he was going to ask that.

What would he think if you told him the whole of the village you grew up in despised you?

“I was born and raised in a small village in Liyue,” you told him. “My parents are from Monstadt, but I’ve never been here until a few weeks before you and I met.” Kaeya nodded, looking intently at you as if he were searching for something.
“If you don’t mind me asking, what caused you to leave a beautiful place such as Liyue?” He prodded, and you got the feeling as though he was actually invested in what you had to say.
“Well, I guess I wanted to experience more. I’ve already seen what there is to see in Liyue, so I wanted to go out on my own and make a life for myself whilst doing what I love,” you expressed, holding your arms out wide to show the vastness of the world around you. “I want to discover new things, learn new things, but most importantly, be the person I’ve always wanted to be,” you ended in a whisper.
“And what is it you’ve always wanted to be?” Kaeya asked. A long moment stretched by, the silence comfortable between you and the captain.
“Free,” you finally said. “To be who I am without being treated like I’m not worth anyone’s time. To live without knowing I’m-“ You stopped abruptly before the end of your sentence, startled by your own words. You weren’t one to spill your inner thoughts and feelings to others, so you couldn’t understand how Kaeya had pulled so much from you without even trying.
“I- I’m sorry,” you chuckled breathlessly, pulling yourself together. “I don’t want to bore you with a bunch of nonsense.”

Kaeya stood up straight and turned to face you. His eyes bore into your own, a certain intensity to them making your pulse thump loudly in your ears. He reached down, taking your scarred hands in his gloved ones. There was a desire invading your core, telling you to lean into him, to wrap your arms around him, to feel him, but you stayed still. Kaeya grasped your hands firmly and looked down at the sight of your fingers resting on his.
“Don’t ever apologize for expressing yourself,” he told you firmly. “Whatever it is you want to say, know that I will listen. You say you’re new here? Then allow me to be a friend, one that will stand by you and help you navigate this foreign land. Whatever it is you’re dealing with, it’s not nonsense, nor is it not worth my time.”

You were so overwhelmed by Kaeya’s little speech. You wanted to cry. To scream to the heavens.
‘No,’ you thought. A friend that was willing to be there for you no matter what? It was laughable, really.

Back at home, every friend you’d managed to make that had told you the same thing ended up succumbing to the rumours and hanging you out to dry.

‘You really shouldn’t play with her, she thinks she’s better than everyone else.’

‘Apparently, she thinks she can talk to wolves, is that stupid or what?’

‘Somebody told me she was cursed, I wouldn’t go near her if I were you.’

But something deep within you said that this time things would be different. That you had been unlucky before, but the tides were in the midst of turning. You sucked in a breath, letting everything go. If Kaeya was as willing to listen as he said he was, you would tell him everything. You licked your lips, preparing to tell him the entirety of what you had locked away inside your heart.

All save a few things.

“People didn’t like me much back home,” you mumbled, still not confident recounting to Kaeya the story of your past. He released your hands, giving you the space you needed to express your thoughts. You wrapped your hands around yourself for comfort, but most importantly for a sense of protection. You were telling Kaeya about a vulnerable time in your life, one that you never thought you would ever articulate into words.
“I was quiet. I spent most days alone, going out into the forest. Whenever kids would ask to play, I declined and went adventuring on my own. They didn’t like that, so they made up rumours about me, bullied me. Even the adults in my village spread false stories about me to others. The small rumours turned into full-blown lies, and people who didn’t even know me already had preconceptions about me. That I was not right in the head, that I thought I was better than everyone else. It didn’t stop there, either. Children in my village were growing up to be herbalists and alchemists, but I wanted to be something they saw as nothing more than a joke. My grades were too poor to become anything my parents hoped for, so they practically gave up on me. They used to tell me they supported my aspirations as a kid, but I knew they were embarrassed by me. They never referred to me as their daughter when we were out, they refused to even hold my hand. It really is something, isn’t it? To be hated for having nothing more than a dream.” You held your breath for a moment, thinking that Kaeya would burst out laughing, telling you that you were pathetic, a loner, an idiot. He never stopped looking at you but didn’t speak either. You didn’t know what it meant, but you were instantly beginning to regret telling him everything.
“It’s ridiculous, I know, but that’s how life was for me.” You looked away in embarrassment.
“Is that…” Kaeya trailed off. You turned back to face him.
“Is that what?”
“Why you’re always on your own?” he finished. You shook your head.
“No, not really. I have no desire for friends. It’s possible that the incidents back home tainted the experience for me, but I choose to be alone,” you looked at Kaeya, who looked a little sullen, then added quickly, “O-of course, you’re the first person who I actually, well… want to get to know…” Your cheeks flared up and you wanted nothing more than to run away. Kaeya put his hand on your shoulder, a familiar confident smirk plastered on his face.
“I feel the same. I would love to know more about Monstadt’s new adventurer extraordinaire and her daily antics.” You couldn’t help but laugh a little at his constant tone of lighthearted sarcasm.

For the first time, you felt listened to.

Maybe it was time to let the past be the past, and grow as a person. Let go of what was holding you back and thrust forward into a new chapter of your life. No more hiding from others, no more staying quiet and letting people have their way with you. It was time to stand up, to become stronger.

You placed your hands on your hips.
“I would also love to get to know the Cavalry Captain of the Knights of Favonious and his various excuses for dumping his work on said adventurer.” Kaeya feigned being offended, shaking his head slowly.
“How dare you? After everything you still don’t believe me to have pure intentions?” You rolled your eyes.
“Is giving me your assignments while you go to the tavern to drink wine pure intent? I think not,” you mocked.
“Hey, now, don’t tell me you’ve been spying on me…” he accused in a hushed tone. The words that escaped Kaeya’s lips were low and seductive, causing you to have to focus on not letting your eyes wander.
“I had my suspicions after the first couple of times. I’m no fool, captain,” you said, pointing a finger at him. Kaeya replied, a glint of something you couldn’t detect in his regard.
“Please, I wish you would call me Kaeya more often.” Your eyes widened. You didn’t realize you had been calling him captain this entire time. Now the thought of saying his name made you shiver a little. Granted, it was simply a word to use to address him, but it still excited you. You squirmed a little bit. You sucked in a breath, then let the word slip off your tongue.
“Kaeya.” His name sounded so foreign to you, so alien. Even though you’d heard others say it many times before, it was as though you were only hearing it for the first time.

Kaeya looked absolutely stunned. If he was trying to hide how you saying his name had affected him at that moment, he was doing a poor job.
“Sorry, I’ll just stick to captain if it makes you uncomfortable,” you said.
“No,” he hastily replied in a hushed tone. You didn’t know what to make of his response, so you let it go. A short minute passed with the both of you looking over the town, neither wanting to speak up.
“I think it’s about time we head in for the night, don’t you agree?” Kaeya said, breaking the silence. You’d almost forgotten what the captain had planned for the both of you the next day.
“Right! Of course. Rest well captai- er, Kaeya. I’ll see you bright and early.” He bowed his head slightly.
“Same goes for you, young miss,” he replied, emphasizing the last two words. He’d never called you that before, but you would be lying if you said you didn’t like it.

After exchanging good nights, you walked home, your heart pounding and head spinning.

The next morning there was a knock at your door. You groaned, lifting yourself from your pillow. You rubbed your eyes then cast a glance out the window. It was still dark but appeared as though dawn was approaching. You propped yourself up on an elbow and tried to think who would be at your door so early in the morning. You wracked your brain, trying to remember if you had made any plans that involved you waking up before the sun itself rose.

It crashed down on you like a sack of bricks.

Kaeya.

You jumped from your bed, ran out of your room, then to the front door. You flung it opened to see Kaeya, dressed in a heavy coat and mitts. You had forgotten to set your clock the previous night.
“Shit,” you grumbled, voice gravelly and tired. You facepalmed, but Kaeya only laughed.
“I was under the impression everyone knew how to work a clock, but I appear to have been misguided,” he stated, his arms crossed. He looked you up and down, then looked away.
“What are you trying to do here?” he asked lowly, his tone hungry. “If you don’t hurry and get dressed, we might miss our chance.” Trying to do? You weren’t trying to do any- oh. You looked down at yourself and the immodest way you were dressed.
“Yes of course!” you spluttered, running to your bedroom. You called back down the hall.
“Come in, just shut the door!” Kaeya walked in, then softly closed the door behind him. He leaned against the wood of it, waiting for you to get the things you needed.

He let his eyes wander here and there, and unbeknownst to you, he was still thinking of how his name sounded coming from your lips. How it had driven him mad. The only thing he wanted was to hear you say it one more time. Unbeknownst to you, he was still thinking of how amazingly strong you were, how charismatic you were, and how beautiful you were. He had been thinking of you ever since he laid eyes on you, but you were oblivious to it all. Kaeya ran through everything you’d said to him the previous night and told himself he would be the person in your life that restored your faith in those around you. Monstadt was not the village you grew up in, and Kaeya was most certainly not like any of the people who lived there.

“Okay, I’m ready to go.” You ran breathlessly into the entryway to your home a handful of minutes later, jacket and gloves in hand. You already had pretty insulated boots, so you didn’t bother changing them. Your hair and teeth were brushed and you were ready to kick some ass.

The snow was deep in Dragonspine, not that you were surprised. You’d been there a few times since you had arrived in Monstadt and each time the blizzards were relentless. The weather was rather calm as you and Kaeya trudged through the snow, but it was only a matter of time before another storm would come. You walked down what should have been a path, but it was unrecognizable under the thick sheet of snow. You pulled your coat closer to you, trying to conserve as much body heat as humanly possible. You looked over to Kaeya, who appeared to be in his element.

Suddenly a hand shot out in front of you, stopping you in your tracks. You looked at Kaeya from under your hood.
“Hear that?” He asked. You listened closely and, sure enough, you heard the echoing sounds of a group of abyss mages. Kaeya gestured to the left, the gaping mouth of the entrance to a cave just barely visible from where you stood.
“Plan?” You whispered.
“As I said before, we barge in,” he whispered back. You thought he had been kidding when he said that the night before. He had been shocked when you went into that hilichurl camp, guns blazing, so why was he so keen on doing it again? Kaeya seemed to have read your mind because he answered the very question you had been asking yourself.
“For your information, I don’t do plans either. Never have, never will. That day with the hilichurls was just a test to see what type of person you were, simple as that,” he smirked.
“Well, well. You must put your men in lots of danger, then,” you replied, surprised to hear that he had been analyzing your decisions from the beginning. He leaned in closer to you, the puffs of his breath rising in the frosty air.
“I won’t accept nor deny that statement,” he murmured lowly. Before you could say anything, Kaeya was off. You followed him, stepping in the tracks he’d made to make it easier for you to move.

As you neared closer to the cave, you saw two large lamps stationed at both sides of the entrance. It definitely looked like someone was taking refuge in there. You unsheathed your blade, then followed Kaeya in.

Sat in a circle in front of a campfire were three abyss mages. You profiled each of them immediately. One cryo, one pyro, and one hydro. You glanced at Kaeya, who gave you a nod. You both sprinted as fast as you could into the cave in order to take the abyss mages off guard. When they finally noticed you coming, they conjured their shields and the battle began. Kaeya took the hydro mage, freezing it then slowly but surely cracking its shield. You took the cryo mage, swinging with all your might to break through its protective barrier. The pyro mage chose to target you instead of Kaeya, probably since he knew he wouldn’t fare well against the captain’s Vision. You brought your sword down on the pyro abyss mage’s shield and it finally gave way. It shattered, the creature inside tumbling to the ground. You glanced to the side to make sure Kaeya was alright. He was doing just fine, but you knew he would be from the beginning. Kaeya was not weak. Lazy, sure, but weak? Absolutely not. Whilst trying to fend off the cryo mage's attacks, you finished off the shieldless one on the floor until it disintegrated into the air. You finally brought your full attention to the cryo mage. In the background, you could hear Kaeya fighting his own battle.
“Are you doing okay over there, captain?” you yelled over to him, dodging a falling icicle.
“Are you underestimating me, miss?” he yelled back after landing a combination of attacks. You were about to respond with something witty but were caught off guard when the cryo abyss mage teleported behind you, preparing to launch shards of ice. You couldn’t move fast enough as he thrust the pieces forward, a shard hitting you in the shoulder and tossing you out into the snow beyond the cave. You dropped your sword from the impact, the blade flying off to the side and burying itself in the snow. The abyss mage teleported again, this time to your right. A searing pain spread throughout your shoulder and you had to do everything in your power not to scream. Blood stained your gloves as you put your hand to the wound. The ice was still lodged in your flesh, blood oozing from all around it. The pristine snow around you was speckled with the crimson substance, the sight of it making you feel slightly nauseous. You got to your feet as fast as you could, then ran to where you thought your sword had landed. You dropped to your knees and frantically searched for a glimmer of silver as you dug through the white powder. Blood poured out of your shoulder and into the snow as you looked, but you just couldn’t find it.

You flipped around to face the abyss mage, who was dancing happily in his protective sphere. He was readying another attack, this time icicles. They appeared from above you in an instant, so quickly you barely had any time to react. You rolled, but an icicle caught you in the upper thigh in the process. You shrieked this time, the pain far too unbearable. Your hands immediately flew to the shredded flesh on the front of your thigh. You gazed wearily at the puncture the icicle had made, but all you could see was a mess of blood, smearing and gushing everywhere. With your two good limbs, you pushed yourself away from the abyss mage, leaving a trail of red as you moved. You could hear yells from the inside of the cave, ones from Kaeya directed towards you. He wanted to hear if you were doing alright, but you didn’t have the energy to speak up. Your words were lost in your throat, and all you could do was claw your way through the snow in an attempt to escape.

Your actions were futile because in a matter of seconds you were being hovered over by the mage. You twisted your head in both directions, looking for something to use as a weapon, but there was nothing. Kaeya was still dealing with his opponent and you were in no shape to fight anymore.
“Shit,” you whispered under your breath.

You really didn’t want it to come to this, but you had no other choice.

You steadied your breathing as best as you could, then reached for the power, the burning flames deep within your soul. You tugged at them, willing them to come to the surface. The flames licked and flickered as you urged and beckoned them forward. They stretched and expanded, filling your being with their heat. You channeled the flames through the palms of your hands, molding and forming them until they became your desired shape. You lifted yourself slowly from the ground, eyes dark and sinister. The abyss mage seemed wary, slowly floating backward as you got to your feet.

With the conjuring of your flames disappeared the person you once were. You had been possessed by something malicious; something unholy. An inky haze surrounded you, enveloping you until your aura was sickly and rotten. From an onlooker's perspective, you appeared no more human than the creature you were hunting down.

You noticed Kaeya run from the cave, stopping in his tracks when he saw you. The demon within you screeched, clawing towards him. You pulled it back with everything that you had. It wanted blood, and who it belonged to was entirely inconsequential. It took all of your concentration to keep it directed towards the abyss mage. If you hurt Kaeya, you would never be able to live with yourself.

In the end, it wouldn’t matter. Kaeya would have to kill you to stop you. Even if you had a will of steel, there was no going against the wishes of the evil entity that resided inside of you. Whether you wanted to hurt Kaeya or not, it wasn’t up to you. You hoped that if it came down to it, he would be willing to kill you to save his own life. In the grand scheme of things, you were an outcast. Kaeya had a career, people who cared for him. If he didn’t return home, people would cry and mourn his absence. The same couldn’t be said for you, so you begged, pleaded, to every archon in existence to allow Kaeya to live through this day.

Let your life end by his blade so that he may live to see the corners of the world you weren’t able to.

The flames within you began to sour, turning black and infecting your whole body with its dark rot. As the weapon you desired came to life, the bright orange and red glow of it slowly turned into a pitch blackness until the whole fiery creation was completely and utterly wicked-looking. In your bloodied hands was a massive scythe, sharp and deadly. You stalked forward, the flames of your newly-created weapon dancing menacingly. The abyss mage tried to escape, but you didn’t give him the chance. In the time it took for Kaeya to breathe whilst he stood watching you in complete horror, you had planted your feet and swung, slicing through the abyss mage’s shield and cutting the creature in half. A blast of black flames emanated from the point of impact, reaching Kaeya and knocking him off of his feet. The force whipped your hair around your head, but the rest of you remained deathly still, unmoving as the two halves of the abyss mage fell to the ground. As soon as it disappeared, the flames sunk slowly back into your hand and you collapsed to the ground in a heap of blood.

Chapter Text

The sky was bright and the clouds rolled lazily across your vision. You laid on your back at the edge of a cliff, watching them as they floated by. A gust of cool wind blew over your warm cheeks.

You felt at peace.

Nothing in the world mattered at that moment. It was just you, and nobody else. That’s the way it has always been, and that’s the way it should remain.

A voice in the depths of your mind spoke up. It was soft, barely audible.

‘He’s not like them.’

You ignored it. You didn’t know who ‘he’ was, but it wasn’t important enough to dig deeper into. Your mind conjured up weird things sometimes, that was all. You tried to relax, to bask in the everlasting pleasure of this warm summer day.

‘He’s waiting.’

You shook your head. You’d never experienced voices in your head before, but then again, you’d never been all that normal. You took a deep breath, but the air wasn’t warm as you had expected it to be. It froze your sinuses as it passed through, so cold it made you sit up in surprise. Were you getting sick or something? You breathed again, the same sensation flowing up your nose and into your lungs.

Something wasn’t right here.

Now that you mentioned it, things seemed… well, off. The grass was recently cut, something you would never see so deep into the wilderness, and there were flowers sprouting from the ground, ones you’d never even seen before. Everything seemed just a bit too perfect.

A sudden chill crept up your spine, causing you to tremble where you sat. It wasn’t as if something within you had caused the tremor, no, but an external source. The only problem was that the weather that day was beautiful and it was in the middle of summer. Winter air caressed you in its frigid embrace and you suddenly wanted nothing more than to snuggle up under a blanket near a fireplace. You had to be getting sick, it was the only explanation.

‘Wake up.’

The sun’s rays no longer reached you, the cocoon of ice surrounding you impenetrable. Your lungs burned and you struggled to breathe.

‘You need to wake up.’

“From- from what? I don’t understand,” you asked out loud, panicking. The voice inside your head grew louder and louder, pounding on the inside of your skull. You held your hands over your ears in an attempt to muffle the noise but to no avail.

‘Please, I need you to open your eyes!’

“My eyes are open! Leave me alone!” You screamed, your ears ringing and your body trembling.

“Please!”

You gasped, your eyes shooting open. Your breathing was ragged as your eyes darted back and forth in confusion. You were laying against something cold and hard.

“Thank Barbatos! Hey, hey, I’m here, alright? Don’t worry,” the voice above you said, exhausted and relieved. You strained your eyes to see who it was, then realized.

The voice, it had been Kaeya. He had been telling you to wake up.

“Captain?” You mumbled, tired. You remembered the dull aching in both your shoulder and thigh, the pain making you wince.
“I need you to stay calm, alright? There’s a shard of ice lodged in your shoulder and I need to remove it,” he explained. You heard what he had said, but the words didn’t register. You were far too tired and weak to understand anything. All you knew was that Kaeya was there and that he was going to help you.
“I’m… I’m s-sorry,” you choked out. You looked up to see Kaeya rummaging around in his bag for something.
“Shhh, don’t speak. You need to rest, but stay conscious. For me? Okay?” You looked at him, unaware of what he was planning.
“F-for… you?” You repeated.
“Yes, for me. Now I need you to bite down on this and do your best to stay absolutely calm, alright? This is going to be painful, but I need to get this ice out so I can wrap you up.” You were dazed, barely conscious.
“Ka… eya… I…” Kaeya put his gloved thumb on your bottom lip, prodding your mouth open. Your lips parted slowly and he placed a folded cloth between your teeth. He pushed on the underside of your jaw to keep the fabric in place. You laid there, still and silent save for a few moans from the pain still wracking your body. Kaeya then gingerly grabbed the shard of ice protruding from your shoulder, preparing to pull it out.
“I’m going to pull it out now. Stay with me,” he breathed. You whimpered lightly. There wasn’t a lot you could do to prepare yourself. Kaeya took a few deep breaths, then pulled.

The ice came out quickly. In one swift motion, the shard was out of your shoulder and laying on the floor in a puddle of blood. You screamed into the cloth. It hurt so badly you thought you might pass out. The burning, pulsing agony was far too much to handle as you felt yourself slowly slipping away into your subconscious.
“No, hey! It’s all okay! The hard part is over, stay here,” he panted, reaching for what looked to be a tin of salve and a pile of cloth. He pressed the cloth into the wound in your shoulder.

Tears streamed down your cheeks. You gazed up at Kaeya wearily, wanting desperately for the pain to stop.

It didn’t.

Kaeya hovered above you, pressing his entire body weight into your shoulder to stop the bleeding from your wound. His jacket was gone and his sleeves were rolled up, his dark skin stained and splattered with your blood. As you faded out of consciousness once more, you lifted your opposite arm to cup his cheek. After everything, he was still here, and you couldn’t thank him enough for that.

Kaeya looked terrified, as if you might disappear into thin air before his eyes, as if you might crumble into a thousand tiny pieces and fall between his fingers. You caressed the skin beneath your thumb and he leaned into the touch. You wanted to embrace him, to assure him that everything would work out in the end.

There was electricity buzzing between you and Kaeya, and if you had the energy, you swore you would have kissed him right there. There was something about him, so intoxicating and beautiful, that you couldn’t help but want to taste a little more. He was an elegant flower and you were a hummingbird, overcome by the desire to indulge in the tiniest drop of nectar.

But…

What if that hummingbird were to have deceived the flower? Would one expect it to still open, allowing the bird to feed?

No, it wouldn’t.

It was just as you had deceived Kaeya, allowing him to think you were nothing more than a misfortunate girl. After the secrets you kept from him, after he had to bear witness to your darkest sin, there was only one outcome.

He would leave you and you would be entirely deserving of it.

He had trusted you from the start, but you couldn’t do the same. He had told you about his grandfather, about his struggles and goals. You had listened, but you never intended to return the faith he had put in you.

Your hand fell from his cheek. Someone out there was the one for Kaeya, but you weren’t that person. You would only end up hurting him in the end, most likely in both senses of the word. You hadn’t known him for long, but your heart accepted him wholly and completely. He was the first to ever make you blush, to make you stumble over your words, to fluster you. He was a good man with a kind heart and he deserved the world. He would never ask for it, but you hoped that one day he would be the happiest person alive.

Like you had said before, it would only end in disaster if you were to pursue something deeper with the captain. You were a dark, evil being, infected with a demon you couldn’t exorcise, and he was a distinguished creature. He was unreachable from where you stood, and for as long as you should remain a monster, he would never fall within your grasp.

‘Maybe,’ you thought. ‘It’s time to let go.’  You allowed Kaeya’s voice to fade into static as you drifted away. You wanted to go farther, to know what it felt to reach the other side. To a place where you could be accepted and understood. Your eyes fluttered to a close. Whatever came next, you were open to it. Maybe the mortal realm just wasn’t the place for you.

Maybe you were simply meant to be elsewhere, floating endlessly through the ether without a care in the world.

You approached the threshold, the reflective surface of the in-between rippling under your feet. You placed a hand on the glistening barrier separating you and the afterlife. Your person was reflected in the barrier, bright and ethereal. It moved when you didn’t, returning its hand to its side. Your reflection regarded you with sympathy, her hair floating weightlessly around her shoulders.
“You wish to cross over?” She asked with a pleasant voice, one you’d never heard come from your mouth.
“I do.” Your reflection didn’t reply. She raised her arm, passing through the barrier as if it was made of water, then placed her hand on your heart. A warmth filled you, brightening the dimmest corners of your soul.
“This is a certainty? I can sense it deep within you; Your spirit wavers.” She retracted her hand.
“No, you’re wrong. I’ve spent years suppressing the darkness inside of me, refusing to believe it was even there. But now, now that I’ve awoken it again… I- I’m afraid I’ll hurt someone! I can’t go back, not when I can’t control it completely. I won’t allow myself to hurt Kaeya, he’s valuable to me,” you argued. Your reflection swayed, her features glowing.
“You would sacrifice your own life to ensure the safety of another? A very noble act, indeed. Nevertheless, I cannot grant you passage across,” she replied, solidifying the translucent wall between you. The barrier no longer rippled but was entirely still like a vast sheet of glass.
“You can’t do this! If you send me back who knows what I’ll do?” Your reflection said nothing as it returned to its original state, mimicking your every gesture.
“Please! Let me across! I don’t belong here!” You pounded on the glass-like barrier, determined to penetrate it somehow. Silence hung in the vivid space, and you knew the one who was capable of granting you access to the next life was no longer there. You were alone.

Slowly, the barrier began to fade as you were pulled backward away from it. Your feet didn’t move yet something was putting more and more distance between you and your escape.
"Your life does not end here,” a voice echoed from every direction. “When the sun rises, the darkness shall fall in due time. Persevere and learn to overcome. Open your mind and heart, accept the aid offered to you by others. Go now, child, return to whence you came.” You tried to claw your way back, but the border disappeared from sight. You were surrounded by a light pink mist that smelled of roses. You wanted to believe what the voice had said, that there was hope for you, but you couldn’t allow yourself to believe it.

The mist around you closed in and you felt your eyes growing heavy. You tried to speak but were cut off when your vision went entirely to black.

You slowly opened your eyes once again, having to blink away the gauzy film to focus on what was happening. You felt as though you had just woken from a dream, but you couldn’t remember what it was about. It left you feeling… somewhat hopeful. Why it had, you were uncertain. The throbbing in your leg and shoulder was less noticeable and you finally felt a little more comfortable. A fire crackled beside you, lighting up the barren cave. You were still laying on the floor where you had been before you lost consciousness. You looked upwards, seeing Kaeya sitting on the ground next to you, watching you intently. When he noticed you were awake, he came to your side.
“You’re awake,” he said, moving a strand of hair off your face. “I was worried.” You closed your eyes, just happy to hear his voice.
“I bandaged up your wounds and applied an antibiotic salve. Good thing I opted to bring some medical supplies or we would have been in trouble,” he stated. Your breathing steadied and you were already starting to feel much better. A tuft of fur tickled your nose and you looked down to see Kaeya’s jacket resting on top of you like a blanket. Even after all of this, he was still willing to help you.

Tears formed in the corners of your eyes then rolled down your temples. You were unworthy of Kaeya’s compassion, but yet he still helped you. The tears kept coming, spilling down your face.
“Hey, what’s wrong? Why are you crying?” Kaeya asked, perturbed. You lay on the ground, sniffling and sobbing.
“I’m- I’m sorry. Please forgive me.” You lifted your good arm, wiping the salty tears with your sleeve.
“I don’t know what you’re apologizing for. Please, just rest for now.” Kaeya wiped a tear from your face with his thumb. You didn’t know what came over you, but you grabbed his hand with your own. He gazed deeply into your eyes. You sniffled a few times.

Even if you wanted to forget it happened, you had to confront Kaeya about what he’d witnessed. When you finally calmed yourself, you asked the dreaded question.

“You saw it.” He looked away, clearly hoping you wouldn’t bring it up. A long moment dragged by and you thought Kaeya would ignore you.
“I… did,” he hesitated. In the moment it took you to ask, he had backed away a little bit, putting some distance between you. His hand fell from your grasp and you let him go.

You knew it. You knew he would think of you as a monster. What else could you have expected?

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” you mumbled. Kaeya scooted closer to the fire, staring into it. He looked… angry.
“So… are you saying that everything you told to me that night… and everything else… was a lie?” You shot up from the ground, wincing in pain. Kaeya made no move to stop you, to lay you back down. He simply glared at you in silent disappointment. His coat fell from your torso and onto your legs.
“No!” you exclaimed, the few remaining tears on your face drying from the fire. “I never lied to you. I only… withheld a few details.”
“A few details?” he scoffed. “I would say it’s a whole lot more than that.” You reached out to touch his shoulder, to try and make him understand. He swatted your hand away and you whimpered from the sharp pain it caused.
“Y-you don’t understand!”
“I don’t understand? I saw that look in your eye, that wasn’t you,” he hissed. “Don’t you think it would have been wise to tell me these ‘details’ before we went on a mission together?”

So that was it. He knew you would have killed him without a second thought. You were aware that you should have told him about your secret, but you were so embarrassed and scared about it you just couldn’t.
“I- I…” You were at an absolute loss for words. Kaeya was right.
“Just forget it,” he said, putting his elbow on his knee and resting his cheek on his fist. He was angry at you, and there was no doubt he would leave you as soon as he had the chance. You no longer felt comfortable with his jacket on your lap, so you moved it to the side. You watched Kaeya, whose eyes never left the flames of the small campfire.

Minutes ticked away and you couldn’t stand the silence any longer. Knowing Kaeya was mad at you was driving you insane.
“I’m tainted, okay? I’m ugly on both the outside and inside. I’m a loser and a monster. There, is that what you wanted to hear?” You asked. You were getting riled up. You knew you had no right to be angry, but you couldn’t help it. What happened to the unconditional friendship he had promised you?
“You misunderstand me,” Kaeya responded, finally making eye contact with you. “Hearing you say those things about yourself doesn’t- it doesn’t make anything better. I wish you would have told me because in that case, I would have known how to help you if things got out of hand. I’m not angry because of what happened, I’m angry because I was useless at that moment; I couldn’t help you.” Kaeya shook his head in exasperation.

You sat in shell-shocked silence.

“In all honestly, I like you more than most people in Monstadt. I wouldn’t let something such as that stand in the way of our friendship,” he said, his expression finally softening. “I told you I would be there for you. Surely you don’t think I was lying?”
“No way!” you blurted out even though you had, in fact, thought he was. Kaeya sighed, getting up and walking back to your side. He sat down next to you.
“I’m sorry for being harsh on you. I was frustrated. Tell me I didn’t hurt you.” You looked over at him.
“No…” you whispered. Kaeya exhaled.
“Thank heavens. I’m sorry, I really am.” You shook your head.
“No, it’s me who should be apologizing. I should have told you from the start. I was just scared of how you would react.”

At that moment all you could feel was how close Kaeya was. All you would have to do was lean over to the right just a bit and your lips would meet his. You had to control yourself, though. He didn’t feel the same way you did, and you were sure of it. He was ‘flirtatious in nature’ others had told you, so you knew his way of acting towards you meant nothing.

“I wouldn’t dare think of you as any less of a person due to something like that, alright?” he said. You took his words to heart, believing every single one of them. He was going to help you get through this.

It didn't have to be you against the world, not anymore.

“Alright.”

You looked around the cave, really examining the place for the first time. It was pretty deep, with icicles hanging from above, and the rock that made up the ground was fairly smooth, with puddles and snow here and there. You took a glance outside to see nothing but white. It was a blizzard, completely unrelenting, wreaking havoc upon the outside world. Kaeya noticed where you were looking, saying what you both were thinking.
“Oh yes. Due to that storm, we’re stuck in here for the foreseeable future. Wonderful, isn’t it?” he asked sarcastically.
“Very,” you groaned. Kaeya smirked, moving ever so closer to you.
“Since we’re going to be here for a while, do you want to… well, talk about it?” You knew what he was referring to, so you nodded. The least you could do for him was come clean and tell him what you truly were. You adjusted your position so that your legs were crossed and you were facing Kaeya. The fire snapped a few times beside you, black smoke rising from the flames. You didn’t want to keep any secrets anymore.
“My father died when I was twelve. He had a pyro Vision, though… he didn’t use it for good. I’m not sure how he received it in the first place, seeing as Visions are gifts from the gods. He did terrible things with it. Robbed those who were impoverished for everything they had, killed innocent people when they hadn’t done anything wrong. Only my family knew what he was, but we couldn’t do anything to stop it. He threatened me and my mother, told us he would kill us if we left or said anything to incriminate him… And so we stayed. One night… he just dropped dead. A heart attack, maybe. I watched as his Vision lost its colour, fading just as he had. I thought that was it, that I had been set free from my father, but I was wrong.” You frowned, recounting the story far more difficult than you had thought. You breathed deeply, then continued.
“I reawakened that Masterless Vision. Nobody I’ve known has ever done that before. But, it just wasn’t right. It had an odd look to it, and it just felt, well, wrong. I’m not sure if it was my father’s lingering soul that tainted the Vision, but it was bestowed upon me and I could do nothing to stop it. When my mother saw what I was capable of, she forbade me from using it and even telling others I had one. It was bad enough nobody liked me in the first place, so keeping quiet about the whole thing was what was best. I only use it when absolutely necessary, and even then it’s nearly impossible to control. It’s almost as if my father’s wicked spirit infected the Vision as his last act of malevolence. I can feel it- him- every second of every day without fail.” Kaeya watched as you pulled your foot from out of your boot. You then rolled down your sock, revealing an anklet with a small, marble-like object hanging from it. It was decorated with a flame, with half of it being red and the other half a pitch black.
“As the years go by, it changes slowly from red to black. I don’t know what’s going to happen when the entire thing changes, but I won’t lie, I’m scared to know.” Kaeya inspected the anklet and the infected Vision. He had never seen anything like it before, not in his life. He knew many people, but a corrupt Vision was simply unheard of.
“Have you ever told anyone this before?” he asked. You shook your head.
“No. You’re the first one.” For the first time, Kaeya looked as if he didn’t know how to respond. You saved him the effort of trying to think of something.
“I’m fine, I promise. As long as you can accept me for who I am… well, then I’m happy,” you said, smiling. Now that you knew that Kaeya was going to stick with you through it all, you weren’t scared anymore. He reached out, then touched your Vision. It was warm from your body heat. He leaned closer, taking a good look at it. It was an awful thing, truly.
“I’m with you,” he said, leaning back. “And we’re going to find a way to cleanse your Vision, no matter what. Even if it takes years, I won’t let your father have a hold on your life any longer. That’s a promise.”

That was all you needed to hear. You didn’t need his pity, apologies for your losses and misfortunes. All you needed was for Kaeya to understand. You were what could only be described as cursed, but you wouldn’t have to deal with it on your own anymore. You had someone who cared about you.
“Thank you, captain, I feel more optimistic about this already,” you said, smiling and giving him a reassuring look. The smile soon faded as you realized. “But, aren’t you worried? I mean, you noticed how dangerous I am, didn’t you? Why would you help me if I could possibly hurt you?” Kaeya shrugged.
“I trust you.” You blinked, eyes wide. With those words you swore to yourself, if ever your Vision got out of control, you would do everything in your power to keep from hurting anyone. No, it was a certainty. Nobody would be injured by your hand, especially not Kaeya. If he was willing to put his faith in you, you would do the same.
“Thank you for that. I trust you too.”

All of a sudden you started shivering. The fire and depth of the cave weren’t enough to stop the blizzard from having an effect on you. Your teeth started to chatter, so you used the hand of your good arm to rub your arms. Kaeya noticed, then leaned over to grab his discarded coat. He brought it over to you.
“Here,” he offered. He went around your back, then helped you put the jacket on. He was careful when he guided your injured arm into the sleeve, then the other. He then came around to your front and zipped the jacket up over your own.
“Better?” he asked. You inhaled the scent from his coat. It smelled of mint and vanilla, an intoxicating fusion you couldn’t get enough of.
“Better.” Kaeya then sat back down across from you, his legs spread and knees bent. He propped himself up by putting both hands behind him then looked into the fire once again. You inspected him further, then realized something.

He was cold, too. He shook just the slightest bit, the weather finally getting the best of him.

You should have known. Not even someone like Kaeya would be able to withstand such cold temperatures in nothing but a shirt and pair of pants. You felt guilty for taking his only means of warmth, but you knew he would refuse to take it if you tried to give it back.
“You’re cold,” you said. He rolled his head back to look at you, then smiled seductively. No matter how much you told yourself he did that on purpose, you knew it must just be how his face looked on the regular. You wondered how many people he must have given the wrong idea to. Good thing for you, you had a few more brain cells than those folk.
“Nothing a knight can’t handle,” he said, waving a hand as if to say it wasn’t bothering him. “Unless that is, you wouldn’t mind warming me up?” he drawled, and your face instantly turned red hot.
“N-no way! I don’t know what you’re thinking but I’m not doing it!” You yelled, flailing like a child. Kaeya chuckled, his eyes dark with something mischievous.
“I suppose I’ll just freeze here, then, if that’s what you want.” You squirmed.
“Take your jacket back, then!” You said. He shook his head sadly.
“Unfortunately that won’t work, it’s just not the same as being warmed up by the heat from another person’s body. I understand, though,” he lamented in a fake manner. He was trying to get to you! What a sneak! You stumbled on your words for a moment before Kaeya spoke up again, amused.
“I’m only joking, of course. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be just fine.” Joking or not, it didn’t change the fact that he was still cold. You couldn’t just sit there wearing two coats and doing absolutely nothing to help him. It would be selfish. You took a second to calm your nerves, then mustered as much confidence as you could. You moved your way over to Kaeya,
avoiding his gaze.
“Hey, I said-“
“Shut up,” you interrupted. You didn’t want to hear him talk, it would just make things worse for you. You told yourself you weren’t doing this because you wanted to, but you knew that statement wasn’t exactly truthful.

You scooted between Kaeya’s legs, placing your own over his hips. You then wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your head into his chest. You were beyond embarrassed at that point. You had never done something so shameless before, but somehow you weren’t exactly regretting it. You didn’t know how Kaeya would react, so you sat there, breath held and body rigid.
“Very bold of you…” Kaeya whispered, and you felt the heat of his breath against your skin. You tried to ignore it.
‘Pure thoughts, pure thoughts,’ you told yourself.
“I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if you got frostbite or something.”

Things were silent for a moment before Kaeya let his arms rest across your back. You kept your face against his chest and felt the way it rose and fell with each breath he took. You stayed there for a long moment, basking in each other’s body heat.

“Hey, look at me,” he cooed. Look at him? You couldn’t, nor did you think you’d ever be able to. You shook your head.
“Isn’t that cute? You’re embarrassed,” he taunted. Your head shot up to look him in the eye.
“I am not-“ you stopped suddenly as you looked up, seeing Kaeya’s face much closer to yours than you had anticipated.
“Not what?” You swallowed, your eyes flickering to his lips then back to his eyes.
“Not e-embarrassed…” you trailed off, so encapsulated by his beautiful blue irises and plump lips. Kaeya’s hand slowly slithered up your back, then traced the line of your jaw. His eyes followed every movement as if it was the most interesting thing he'd ever seen. He ended with his thumb on your chin, then tilted your head upwards.

You thought you might explode.

Kaeya leaned to your ear, then spoke. There was a sultry tone to his words as they slipped from his lips.
“It’s alright if you’re embarrassed,” he muttered. Your breath hitched in your throat and heat began to arise within you, warming you up from the inside out. Kaeya’s hair tickled your jaw and you had to stop yourself from doing something you might regret. He removed his fingers from your chin, then tucked your hair behind your ear. It was a slow and simple movement, but the intention behind it made your pulse pound in your ears. With his mouth directly next to your ear, you were glad he couldn’t see how much he’d unraveled you already.

Was this still the normal, flirtatious Kaeya, or something different altogether?

“K-Kaeya, please,” you murmured, unaware of what you were pleading for. Kaeya exhaled heavily.
“Say that again.” You froze. His breath was hot against your ear, sending constant waves of shivers up your spine. Goosebumps pricked all over your body and your breathing was becoming ragged. Kaeya was having an effect on you, one you’d never experienced before. You fisted the material of his shirt, nearly panting.
“Kae…ya.”

Instantly, the captain had the cartilage of your ear between his teeth, a small groan vibrating in his throat. He positioned his arms under yours, wrapping them around your back. He moved closer, putting less and less space between you. Your chest, which was covered in two layers of thick coat, was pressed against his. You were taken aback by his actions. No matter how you felt at that moment, you realized things were moving too quickly. You were petrified even being so close to Kaeya, and having him make a move on you like that, it was just too much far too fast. You pushed on his chest, detaching him from the skin of your ear. He leaned back to look at you. His eyes were lidded, an aura of desire emanating from his body. You put your face down into the palm of your hand and collected your thoughts.
“I’m sorry, I just-“ you started, panicking. You thought you were attracted to Kaeya, so why?
“Say no more,” he said apologetically, then reached to move your legs back over his own so that they were no longer on top of him. “I misread the situation, my apologies.” You backed away, flustered and thankful, yet somehow still disappointed. The thing was, Kaeya hadn’t misread anything. You were bewitched by him, so much so that it kept you up at night. You wanted to tell him, but as per usual, the words never left your mouth. You just needed time, to understand these feelings, to know exactly what it was that you wanted.

Suddenly you wanted to cry. You were so overwhelmed by feelings that you couldn’t stand it anymore. Who was Kaeya to you, and what were you to him? You forced yourself to keep the tears in. You didn’t want to cry, not again. You curled your legs up to your chest, then noticed that familiar smell.

You unzipped the coat and pulled it off your body, careful not to irritate your injuries. You tossed the jacket back over to Kaeya.
“You’re cold, so please put it on.”
“Of course, thank you.” He put the coat on without a word, and you both huddled at opposite ends of the fire, waiting for the storm to subside. When night fell, you laid on your back and stared at the flickering ceiling. Kaeya didn't speak, but the memories of his voice and how irresistible he was replayed in your mind on repeat.

Chapter Text

The next morning you awoke with a terrible backache. You groaned, sitting up from the cold rock beneath you and taking a look around through tired eyes. Rays of morning light beamed in through the mouth of the cave and you could see a fresh layer of new snow that had settled on the ground outside.

The blizzard had passed and it was safe to return back to Monstadt.

You looked down to your thigh and moved aside the fabric of your shredded pants, seeing a decent-sized splotch of red seeping through the bandage. Even though you were still bleeding, things could have turned out a lot worse in the end. Thanks to Kaeya and his quick thinking after the fact, you would have been a lot worse for wear.

Speaking of which…

You glanced around the cave to see Kaeya still asleep, laying facing away from you across from the pile of ash that used to be your campfire. You watched as his shoulder rose and fell with his steady breaths, a pang of regret engulfing you as you recalled the events from the night prior. You felt stupid for pushing him away, for making it seem like he had misinterpreted your intentions. In all reality, he hadn’t, but you were far too frightened to tell him how you truly felt. In the end, did you even know yourself? Even if you did confess to him, what were the chances he reciprocated your feelings? You knew what type of person Kaeya was. He was flirtatious and teasing, so maybe that was just the norm for him, getting handsy with anyone who would let him touch them. You thought about it for a moment, but he didn’t seem like that type of person. Who knows, though, perhaps Captain Kaeya was an avid philanderer, a master in the art of seduction. You shook your head. It wasn’t the time to be thinking about that.

After pulling yourself to your feet, you limped outside to see another three or four feet of snow on the ground. You groaned.

How were you going to find your sword now? It had been tossed to the side in the midst of your battle and hadn’t been recovered, still laying under a thick blanket of powder. You weren’t about to leave it seeing as how valuable it was to you, so you pulled yourself out into the snow to look for it. You knew the general area in which the sword had fallen, but with the height of the snow, you might be digging for hours.

You walked to the area where you thought it had fallen, got on your hands and knees, then began working. With your shoulder and leg not in the best shape, it was difficult to make any headway. After a few minutes, your gloves were already starting to soak through and the chilly mountain air was seeping its way into your coat. Your teeth clattered together but you weren’t about to give up.
“Come on, come on…” you mumbled to yourself, pushing around piles of snow. It wasn’t until you saw an extra pair of hands digging next to you that you noticed someone else there. You looked to your right to see no other than Kaeya, searching right alongside you.
“Hey, you really don’t have to help, I can do this,” you said, uncertain and a little shocked to see him. You were testing the waters, seeing what kind of mood Kaeya was in after everything that had happened.
“What kind of knight would I be if I sat by and watched?” He sounded normal, the same as he usually did. You didn’t know whether to be upset or happy about that fact. You didn’t want him to think that you were still uncomfortable, so you tried your best to act as nonchalant as he was.
“Thanks,” you replied curtly. If that was any other day, you would have forced Kaeya to let you search on your own, but since you wanted as little contact with him as possible, you let it go. It was unlikely you were going to find the sword, anyways.

The soft sound of metal sliding from within the snow aroused your attention. You quickly glanced to the side and saw Kaeya sitting there with your rancour in hand, the blade covered in the frozen precipitation. Of course he had to be the one to find it. He presented the sword out to you, holding on to the blade. You grasped the hilt, pulling the weapon from his hands.
“Guess I wouldn’t fare well as a treasure hunter,” you chuckled, trying to release the suffocating tension in the air. “Thanks, I don’t know what I would have done if I lost this for good.” You checked out the sword, inspecting it from different angles. It looked to be in fair shape, so you wiped it off the best you could and nestled it back into your scabbard.
“My pleasure,” Kaeya responded. You gave him a quick nod before trying to get to your feet. You weren’t going to lie, you were exhausted and aching, and you felt as though gravity was weighing heavier on you than usual. All in all, you just felt slower and weaker. You knelt, trying to muster up enough strength to haul yourself up. You didn’t need to look to know that Kaeya was already on his feet and was looking down to you. You hated that he was seeing you at such a vulnerable time, but it couldn’t be helped. As you were about to push off, an arm came from the side, settling on your back. Kaeya had his side pressed to yours, ready to help you to your feet. You couldn’t help the pink forming on your cheeks, but at that point, it was wholly unavoidable. Kaeya just had that effect on you.
“I don’t need help,” you said, maybe a little harsher than you intended. You wanted to apologize immediately, but your obstinate nature caused you to keep your mouth sealed shut.

You turned away, not willing to look at Kaeya.

Had you never gotten close to him the previous night, had you not gotten stuck in that cave to begin with, had he not awakened that desire within you, you wouldn’t be like this. Maybe if your hand hadn’t been forced, if you hadn’t shown Kaeya your abilities and secrets, then you wouldn’t have developed a deeper connection with him. No, instead you spilled your heart out to him and can’t bear to look him in the eye.

Maybe things would be better if you had never met. If you had had enough mora to pay Wagner. If you had never owed him that damn favour.

Kaeya hoisted you to your feet and you sucked in a breath from the pain. He let you go as soon as you were standing.
“Thanks…” Kaeya walked a little further away, then peered into the sky. You wanted to say something, but you knew you wouldn't be able to. You just stood there, rubbing your arms to create some friction on your chilled skin.
“We should begin the trek back to Monstadt while the weather is still clear,” Kaeya said, not acknowledging your words. You frowned, a seed of doubt planting itself in the back of your mind, telling you Kaeya was angry at you, that he’d had enough. You waved the thought away, telling yourself things were just a little tense.
“Right,” you replied.

After picking up your things, you and Kaeya began the journey back to Monstadt. As you toiled down the mountain, you took a split second to peek at him from under your eyelashes. He looked just as cool and collected as he normally did. Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. Was he not embarrassed? Uncomfortable? Did he not notice the rift slowly forming between you? You sighed, mentally face-palming. Of course he wouldn’t. He was too confident for that.

The seed in your mind began to sprout, making way for new and larger insecurities. Maybe Kaeya was unbothered because you meant nothing to him. Maybe he was being distant because he didn’t care about you. You shook your head, all these negative thoughts making your temples throb.
“Something the matter?” Kaeya asked. You looked away.

This was your chance to tell him everything, to put it all out there. To ask your questions and get the answers you needed.

You didn’t face him for a second time.

“Nah, just cold.” And just like that, everything that you wanted to say to Kaeya stayed nestled deep within your mind. You quickly changed the subject.
“So… any idea why there was an abyss mage business meeting all the way up here?” you asked. You may have been saying this in attempts to divert both your attentions elsewhere, but you were genuinely curious as to what the abyss order was trying to accomplish.
“I’m really not sure. The one I fought refused to speak a word, and you pulverized the other two. Unfortunately, it’s impossible to say what their goal was specifically.” You chuckled guiltily, realizing you had completely bypassed the ‘interrogation’ portion of your battle.
“Whoops,” you said. “Guess we can only assume they were planning some sort of assault. The important part is that we took care of them, right?” You asked, not quite sure that your assessment of the situation was correct.
“I suppose,” Kaeya sighed, the snow crunching loudly under his leather boots. “We should keep our guards up though, in case the monsters we defeated were part of something larger.” He was right, it would be best to keep your eyes peeled at all times.
“Right, makes sense.”

You let your eyes wander back to Kaeya. Tiny snowflakes had fallen onto his eyelashes and his hair, and his jacket wasn’t quite zipped up all the way, leaving some of his smooth skin exposed. No matter how many times you saw the captain, he always took your breath away. You wanted to tear your gaze away, but you were under his spell.
“You’re beautiful,” you thought.
“Why, that’s very straightforward of you,” Kaeya responded, slightly taken aback but mostly amused.

Wait, what?

You clasped both your hands over your mouth. Had you really just said that out loud?
“Thank you, though, I appreciate the compliment,” Kaeya added. You simply gaped at him. How? How could you have let that slip? You wanted to smack yourself for being so idiotic. First, you push him away then you gawk at him and call him beautiful to his face? It was like getting emotional whiplash!
“W-whatever you thought I said, I didn’t.”
‘Sure, great recovery.’
“Hmm,” he hummed, smirking at you. You could tell he was contemplating teasing you. “If you say so.” You stared at him, seeing that look on his face, the one that told you he could read you entirely. What was the point in hiding anything from him anymore?
“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that out loud,” you confessed. Kaeya crossed his arms then grinned.
“I’m fine with it,” he started. He let the silence between you linger for a bit before continuing. “As long as it’s you.” Your eyes widened and you quickly pulled your hood over your head to hide your blush.
“Q-quit teasing me already,” you stuttered, shoving your hands in your pockets. Kaeya patted your head a couple of times, laughing softly at your reaction. Honestly, did he have any idea what he was doing to you?

When you finally returned to Monstadt and Kaeya walked you back to your house, you nearly slammed the door in his face. You were so eager to be alone, to scream into your pillow that you couldn’t wait to finally be separated from him.

You laid silently on your bed, freshly showered, with your face shoved into your pillow. Orange rays penetrated through your window, bathing your room in a golden hue. After convincing yourself that Kaeya saw you as nothing more than an extra hand, he had said those words that made your stomach flutter with excitement.

“As long as it's you.”

What did it mean? That he liked being complemented by you? You pondered for a moment, a thought popping into your head that made you hug your pillow harder. What if Kaeya liked you, but in a more profound way than you ever could have anticipated? You kicked the blankets off your body, feeling that same warmth you had felt when Kaeya had held you back in that cave in Dragonspine. You sighed, feeling much more complicated than you ever had, but for some reason, it excited you more than anything. 

The rest of the night, you took the time to think about your relationship with Kaeya. You went back and mentally took note of every time he made you blush, every time he caught you staring but didn’t say anything, every time he made you feel like you were worth something. It was more times than you could count. You laid there, your hair strewn around you, with one question in mind.

‘Am I in love with Kaeya?’

The undeniable fact was that, yes, you were. There was no fighting it, hiding from it, or denying it anymore. You had finally found that one person, and you were no longer willing to turn your back on the way he made you feel. 

You wanted to hear the words, to know if they felt right. You sucked in a breath, somehow nervous despite being alone.
“I’m in love with Kaeya,” you whispered to yourself. The moment you said it, you knew. You adored him. You were no only attracted to Kaeya for his looks, but for his charisma, his sarcasm, his confidence, his humour. You were so hopelessly in love with him that it made you restless. Now that you were able to come to terms with and decipher your emotions, and now that you knew it was possible that Kaeya felt the very same way you did, you weren’t afraid to tell him.

If there was a chance that you and Kaeya could become something more, then you were willing to take it. 

You finally slept that night, no longer plagued by questions and uncertainties. The wall you had built since your early childhood crumbled to the ground, and you could finally lay your eyes on the world around you. The land beyond stretched farther than you could have ever fathomed, rolling for thousands of kilometres in every direction. You stepped over the fragmented brick at your feet and landed on the thick, luscious grass of the other side. It was a magnificent sight before you, one that you had purposefully shielded yourself from in hopes of numbing the constant pain. It didn’t have to be that way anymore, and Kaeya was the one to thank for allowing you to realize it. Your past and who was a part of it had no bearing on who you were as a person. Whether you were cursed, lonely, and had a foolish dream, it didn’t matter.

You deserved to be loved.

If Kaeya was willing to accompany you on your journey to cleanse your Vision, if he had stuck by you this long knowing every dark secret about you, then you were ready to take the leap. You would pour your heart out to him without fear, without those doubts that infected your every thought, telling you that you weren’t good enough, that you were foolish for thinking someone like you deserved a man like Kaeya.

You would tell him. You wouldn’t avoid him because you were nervous or embarrassed like you had before. No, you were stronger than that. You had always said that adventurers were fearless, and you were ready to finally live up to that.

“You’re joking, right?” you asked, a little incredulous. It was the next day, and you had met up with Kaeya for a drink. You sat outside chatting, enjoying his favourite alcoholic beverage, ‘Death After Noon’. You had butterflies in your stomach ever since you awoke that morning, but you needed somewhere a little less crowded to spill your guts. Now wasn’t exactly the best time.
“No, of course not!” he said, leaning over the table. “It seems ridiculous, I know, but think about it. You’ve had your Vision for years now with no success in fixing it, so any ideas, as outlandish as they may seem, are worth a second glance.” You swirled your cup, deep in thought. Once again, Kaeya was right. You leaned your head on your fist and took a drink.
“Yeah, yeah. I suppose it wouldn’t hurt to try it. It’s not like I have any better ideas,” you said, crossing one leg over the other. You looked up to the sky; the sun was already setting. Had you and Kaeya been talking for that long? You hadn’t even noticed the hours slip by.
“Right, seems we’re off on another adventure, hm?” You smiled.
“Damn, I was really hoping to get some time away from you for a while,” you said playfully, shaking your head. Kaeya finished off his drink then leaned over the table towards you. You could smell the alcohol on his breath, bold and sweet.
“You won’t get rid of me that easily, I promise.” You eyed Kaeya, feeling intrigued and flattered. You replied with the first thing that came to mind.
“Good.”

After a refill and a few minutes of idle chatter, the conversation steered back to Kaeya’s plan to fix your Vision.
“Okay, run it by me again? I need to do what?” you asked. Kaeya crossed his arms. He seemed to be contemplating whether it was even worth bringing up again, as if you might shut him down instantly if he didn’t correctly phrase what he was going to say. He took a long sip of his drink then explained again what he had previously told you.
“Say you were to visit the place where your father is buried. Perhaps if you condemn his actions, sever your ties with him once and for all, you might finally be free from this nightmare. That is, if his spirit still lingers.” You stroked your chin.
“I mean yeah, it’s far-fetched, but I’ve seen many lost souls roaming Liyue. It’s possible if I confront his, maybe force it to move on to the afterlife, that everything will fix itself. It’s not the weirdest thing I’ve tried,” you said. Kaeya’s eyebrow arched at the last part of your sentence.
“Not the weirdest thing, huh?” He asked. You knew he wanted an explanation by the curious gleam in his eye, but you only chuckled and shook your head.
“Not a chance, captain,” you said simply. In all honesty, if you had told Kaeya to what lengths you had gone to try and get your Vision fixed, you quite literally might die of embarrassment.
Back then, you’d tried countless things, including having your palm read by an ancient woman, who charged so much money that it made your head spin. She’d told you about the position of the planets and a bunch of other nonsense, stuff that didn’t relate to your issue at all. When you had asked her to get more specific, she simply held out her frail palm and demanded another payment. You went to sleep that night hungry and still without any answers. Another time, you had read in a book called “Mind and Body” a method to cleanse the soul of impurities. In one chapter, it had said that to purify one’s soul, you had to balance on one foot in the middle of a flowing river that was exactly four feet deep in the middle of winter. Then, you had to place a ceramic bowl of twelve lotus heads soaked in vinegar on your head and practice a special breathing technique for six hours straight. The book had the most convoluted explanation as to why all of the components of the ritual had to be perfect, so you followed every step to a tee. After the six hours were up, you were numb and exhausted and still without respite from the burden you carried. So, in the fashion of a girl who was so desperate she would do nearly anything, you tried the ritual a second time, but focused so closely on getting things right that it made your head hurt something fierce. After all was said and done, you still had nothing to show for your continuous efforts. In the end, after every attempt to cleanse your Vision once and for all, nothing had worked. You had given up a long time ago, accepting your burden and assuming it was permanent, just like a birthmark or the textured scar left by the blade of an enemy. Perhaps it was divine retribution, a way for the gods to punish you for being your father’s offspring. Whatever the case, you quit trying to return your life to normalcy. You were tainted, and that was that.

“I won’t prod, then,” he said, but you could tell he was a little disappointed. You hummed, giving in to the look on the captain's face. You could at least give him something to look forward to once this matter was dealt with. A lighthearted, funny story to tell over a couple of drinks. Kaeya deserved it, after all. He was helping you with absolutely nothing to gain. Exhaling, You finished off your drink.
“If we actually manage to pull this off, then I guess I could tell you a story or two,” you said, cringing. You placed your cup back on the table. You were starting to feel a little bold, like you wanted to tell Kaeya right that instant how you felt. You bottled it up the best you could; now just wasn’t the time. You decided it was best to cap it off and say good night.
“I look forward to that,” he said happily, smiling devilishly as he often did. You giggled then stood up from your chair. You stretched, putting your arms high in the air to relieve your aching muscles. The wounds you had endured were now properly bandaged and cleaned and you were feeling already much better than before. It would only be a matter of days before you would be ready to go once more.

As per usual, you were unaware of Kaeya’s eyes devouring you like a feral wolf.

He watched you stretch your body out, staring at the tiny amount of skin showing from under the hem of your shirt as you bent slightly to the side. He wanted to see more, to reach out and touch you like he had longed to do for so long. He wanted to hear you breathe out his name like you had done before, to hold you in his grasp and feel your body against him. But, after what happened in Dragonspine, Kaeya decided it was best that he stopped pursuing you. It didn’t put an end to the desire that flooded his being, but he doused it to the best of his abilities. He had misunderstood you, or so he thought, and now he was convinced he had been pursuing a woman who was not interested in being pursued. It was devastating to him, to say the least, but he refused to fail you as a friend. If he had to watch you fall in love with another person in the future, then he would be there for you then just as much as he was now.

You pushed in your chair then rested your hands on your hips. You looked down at Kaeya, whose cheeks were flushed and eyes were slightly lidded. It reminded you of the way he looked then, but you quickly pushed the image out of your mind.
“I think I should head home now, I have a commission early in the morning,” you explained. Kaeya put his chin in his palm and smirked.
“Even when injured you’re still working hard. A sight to behold, indeed,” he praised. You gave him a quick roll of the eyes.
“Yeah, and even when completely healthy, you still manage to slack off. Now that is what I call a sight to behold,” you teased, pointing a finger at Kaeya. “Anyways, give me a couple of days to get my strength back, then we can set off for Liyue. Sound good?” You asked. Kaeya gave his drink a swirl before polishing it off. Was that his third glass? No, fourth. It was hard to keep track with him.
“Very. Any adventure with you is one I look forward to.” You blushed, then turned away.
“Y-you’re drunk. I’ll see you later, captain, good evening,” you stuttered, fleeing the scene as quickly as possible.

Kaeya sat back at the table, cursing himself for giving in to his temptations. He promised himself he would act more professionally towards you from then on.

As the days passed, you gathered the Mora for your upcoming trip, healed a little, and trained your muscles. You hadn’t confessed to Kaeya yet, though. You’d just never had the right opportunity to do it. Things would be too busy, he would be in a bad mood, you would be too flustered. The bustling atmosphere of Monstadt just wasn’t optimal for a profession of love. It’s not like it needed to be special, that didn’t matter, but you just needed a place and time that would allow you to collect your thoughts and express them to Kaeya the way you wanted. You didn’t want to mess up, that’s all.

It was the end of the fifth day since your return to Monstadt, and the stars were shining brightly overhead. Now that your wallet was on the hefty side and you were feeling much stronger, you decided it was time to get going on your next adventure.

You were waiting on the steps of the Knights of Favonius Headquarters, waiting for Kaeya to meet you per your request earlier that morning. You heard the double doors creak open and turned to see Kaeya exiting the building.
“Hey. Lovely night isn’t it?” you asked, getting up from the step you were sitting on. Kaeya peered into the sky.
“I couldn’t agree more,” he said. “What brings you here?” You twisted a lock of hair around your finger, a habit you picked up when you met the captain. You looked around. This would have been the perfect opportunity if not for the guards stationed at the front of the building. Oh, well.
‘Just be patient,’ you told yourself.
“I thought that we should get going soon if you’re free to go. I doubt there will be any issues, though, considering you’ll take any opportunity to abandon your post.” Kaeya seemed unphased, probably because he was used to you poking fun at him all the time.
“I agree. I suppose I could use a short break from all my hard work,” he said, folding his arms over his chest. You chuckled.
“Not what I said at all, but sure. Is tomorrow morning okay or do you need to know further in advance?” you asked and Kaeya shook his head.
“No, I can quickly assign someone else to take my place while I’m absent,” he started, adjusting the strap of his eyepatch. You had wondered what he looked like underneath it but were always too afraid to ask. “I’ll be around at six, same as last time," he started, licking his lips as he gazed into your eyes. You took in a deep breath, determined to keep your composure. "I'd love to sit and chat with you, but unfortunately, I have a few things to attend to. Have a lovely night,” he said, adding your name at the end. With a wink, he retreated back into the building. You took a breath of fresh air and headed back home.

Starting tomorrow, things were going to get a whole lot more interesting.

“I- I’m sorry! I don’t know what happened! I set my clock, I swear!” you spluttered, trying to explain yourself. Once again you were in the same situation as you had been a few days prior, with an irritated Kaeya stationed at your front door. He looked less willing to let it slide this time, and it took you slightly aback since Kaeya was known for his chill temperament.
“Not this again…” he sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. You fidgeted a bit, realizing that lying to him probably wouldn’t make the situation any better. You groaned, running a hand through your unruly hair.
“I’m sorry, the truth is I haven’t been able to sleep lately, so I forgot to set it, okay? Sue me,” you pouted, leaning against the door frame. Kaeya’s eyes softened immediately, the anger in them disappearing just as quickly as it had come.
“Is there something wrong?” he asked, his eyebrows furrowed in concern. You straightened yourself and motioned for him to follow you inside. You ignored the question and headed to your room to get dressed and grab your bag. You couldn’t tell Kaeya it was thoughts of him that kept you up all night. If he found out, how would he react? You walked out from your room dressed in your normal attire with a bag slung over your shoulder and your blade at your hip.

It was a long journey to Liyue, one you didn’t think you’d have to make so soon.

“Let’s get going,” you said, adjusting the buckle on your scabbard. Before you could set foot out the door, Kaeya placed a hand on your shoulder, stopping you.
“I asked if something was the matter?” he asked again, a little more persistent. It wasn’t like him to be so insistent when it came to your personal affairs, but this time seemed different. Maybe that was a good thing, though. It was the perfect opportunity to tell him whilst you were still in the comforts of your own home.
‘Just say it.’
You turned to face Kaeya and met his gaze. You took a deep breath.
“Well, the reason, you see, I- uh… “ you said, stumbling over your words. Even in your own house, you couldn’t say it? If not there, then where? “I… I’m fine. It’s just a little bit of insomnia, that’s all,” you lied. Kaeya gave you that same look of disapproval you’d seen too many times before. 
“Is that so…” he mumbled. Now you’d done it, he was upset because of you because you couldn’t speak your mind. You twirled back around and headed out the front door, your hands clenched into fists.

If you didn’t tell Kaeya soon, things might get rough for the two of you.
‘Just give me a bit more time,’ you thought.

After leaving the confines of Monstadt’s walls, you and Kaeya began the journey to your hometown, the place where your father had been buried. Why he even had a tombstone and a plot of land baffled you, but it was convenient since it allowed you to pinpoint the location where his soul, if still wandering the earth, would be roaming. There, you might be able to end your suffering for good, and maybe finally confess to Kaeya. Somehow the second goal seemed further out of reach than the first.
“Wanna take a break soon?” you asked Kaeya as you followed the dirt path in the direction of Liyue.
“Are you asking because you want to rest?” he asked, that look of ‘I know I’m right, aren’t I?’ plastered on his face. He could always tell what you were thinking all the time, so was it possible that he already knew what you had been trying so hard to muster the courage to tell him? If so, why hadn’t he mentioned it?
“You got me. My feet hurt like hell,” you said, limping off to a shady spot under an apple tree. Kaeya followed suit, sitting just close enough to you that your knees were touching. He was never one for personal space.
“Sorry about that, I just got-“ you started, but something odd caused you to cut your sentence short. Before Kaeya could ask what was wrong, you put a finger to his face, signaling for him to remain quiet.
“Something’s off,” you whispered, frowning. You got up and scanned the area around you. All you could see was a dirt road with trees and bushes scattered here and there. Nothing seemed out of the ordinary, except there had to be. You never got that feeling in the pit of your stomach unless something bad was going to happen. “I think we may be in danger,” you whispered. Kaeya looked up at you, then nodded. He began gathering your things, but the feeling was only growing. Suddenly you wanted to vomit, a horrible dark feeling causing your stomach to churn.
“We need to get out of here.” You leaned down to grab your bag, but before you could grab it you were enveloped by a sphere of some sort. It picked you off of the ground and all you could do was float there in complete and utter shock. You hurriedly glanced around you to see what had you trapped, only to find out it was some sort of bubble. Bubble? That…
“An abyss mage!” Kaeya yelled, unsheathing his sword. You slipped and tumbled around in the bubble, trying to free yourself, but it was no use. Your sword was laying on the ground outside the bubble and you had nothing else sharp enough to pop it with.
“Kaeya!” you yelled, panic beginning to settle in. You scanned everywhere, but there was no sign of an abyss mage. Where was it?
“Stay calm, I’ll get you out of there!” Kaeya yelled back. He began running towards the bubble, but you were suddenly pulled back, traveling away from him at a quick pace. You flopped around in your spherical prison, clawing at the clear barrier to try and break it. You took a few deep breaths. It would be okay because Kaeya was there, and he was going to help you. He closed in on the bubble, preparing to strike it, but before he could, a group of hilichurls came hurtling at him from behind, pulling him back away from you. More and more began to show up until you could no longer see him in the swarm.
“No! Kaeya!” You screamed, pounding on the inside of the bubble. You watched in horror as you were taken further and further away from him, screaming and kicking to be set free.
After a few minutes of struggling, you slumped down, gasping for air. The oxygen inside the bubble was running dangerously low, being quickly replaced by carbon dioxide with each breath you took. The more you tried to get enough air into your lungs, the more you felt yourself slipping away. Black spots began to cloud your vision and you couldn’t help but allow it to. Finally, with no other choice, you let go.

Those three words. You hadn’t even had the chance to say them to him yet.

How cruel.

Chapter Text

When you finally regained consciousness, you were greeted by the sensation of cold metal around your wrists. You strained your eyes in the darkness surrounding you, the light emanating from a few torches not enough for you to grasp where you could possibly be. You tried to move, but a pair of shackles had you bound to the damp wall behind you. You struggled for a moment, trying to rip yourself free, realizing your ankles had been bound as well. There you kneeled, dazed and confused, with no way of knowing where you were and how to escape. You tried to calm your nerves. Panicking wouldn’t do you any good in this situation.

A sudden realization came to you, one that made your stomach drop to your feet.
“Kaeya… Kaeya!” you yelled, pulling at your shackles as if somehow your raw strength would break the chains. You tried to stand up, but the restraints around your ankles kept you on your knees. What had become of Kaeya? Was he alive? You thought back to the group of hilichurls that had ambushed him, how he had been overpowered by them. You scowled.

What on earth did the Abyss Order want with you? Whatever the reason, you were going to make them suffer. Nobody messed with you, but that was going to have to be a lesson they learned the hard way.

As you finally adjusted to the darkness, you could tell you were in some sort of abandoned dungeon. The walls and floor were made of stone and the air smelled of mildew and earth, making you believe that you had been taken underground. Whatever this place was, you were there for a reason. Someone wanted you specifically for something, but you didn’t have the slightest clue why. The sound of footsteps reverberated off the walls, making you freeze in place. Your pulse quickened and your mouth went dry. The footsteps grew louder and you could finally make out the shape of a person walking towards you. The torches near the entrance at the room lit up the figure, revealing a large man, no, creature, without any distinguishable facial features. Your lips tightened into a thin line and your eyebrows pulled closer together the moment you realized what it was you were looking at.
“You’re finally awake,” it said in a low voice, making the hair on the back of your neck stand to attention. Finally? How long had you been there? You adjusted your position a little, the shackles around your arms and legs clanging loudly. You didn’t have time to chat.
“You’re an abyss herald, correct?” you asked firmly. You didn’t wait for a response; you knew you were right. “Would I be incorrect in assuming you were the one that had me captured?” The abyss herald came closer, enough so that you could see even the most intricate of details on his attire. The faceless creature tilted its head downwards as if it were looking at you. You glowered back at the blank slate sitting above its shoulders.
“Indeed, I did. To be perfectly honest I assumed you would put up more of a fight,” it said, sounding amused. You scoffed.
“So you had a mage do your dirty work for you because you were too scared? How pathetic,” you spat, leaning forward as much as your shackles would allow. The herald let out a low growl, seeming displeased with your response. A clawed hand shot from its side, wrapping around your throat in one swift motion. You gasped, the pressure on your windpipe growing until you were struggling for air. Your knees came off the floor as much as they could as the abyss herald lifted you by the neck.
“A-asshole,” you choked, then spat in its nonexistent face. It dropped you to the ground immediately then reeled back in disgust. You could tell it’s frustration with you was already reaching its limit and you wondered just how far you could push it. “I didn’t realize you’d be such a-“
“Enough!” the herald boomed, landing a swift kick to your gut. You keeled forward, coughing and hacking as the wind was knocked entirely out of you. You wheezed, feeling nauseous from the blow.
“You are the bearer of a blighted Vision, and for that reason you have been recruited by the Abyss,” the herald announced as it regained its composure. You coughed, peering at it from below.
“W-what? What the hell are you… talking… about?” you spluttered, finally able to draw a solid breath. You wouldn’t join the Abyss Order, never in a million years. What made them think they could recruit you?
“The power you wield in unlike anything the Abyss has ever witnessed, and with you, we shall conquer all,” it said triumphantly, holding its arms out in front of it. You stared blankly at it, suddenly at a loss for words. “Join us, and you will be made into a mighty being! One that can transcend even the strongest of Adepti!” You glared at the herald, so fed up with the nonsense it was spewing. Yes, it was true, it was the first being to praise you for having such powers, but in the end, your Vision was dangerous and needed to be fixed as soon as possible. You shook your head slowly in exasperation.
“We have been watching you for a long time now, observing your potential grow over the years. Now, you are needed. We shall forgive you for neutralizing the party sent to retrieve you back in Dragonspine, that can be easily overlooked, just as long as you agree to my proposition. Join us, that is all I ask.”

So that’s the reason there were abyss mages up in the mountains? They were being sent to capture you? You scoffed. You weren’t sure how they had found out about your Vision, but you weren’t sticking around to find out.
“Who do you think you’re talking to? Some sort of messed up loser who’ll turn her back on humanity in the blink of an eye?” you questioned, your voice rising by the second. “If so, then you can go ahead and shove it, cause I have things I want to accomplish in life. Good things. I promise you, I won’t be using this Vision until it’s clean, for you or for anyone. I already know I’m strong, but I sure as hell don’t need to be the best, so if you think you can sway me to your side using power as bait, then I’m afraid you’ve got the wrong person,” you finished, standing your ground. You never looked away from the abyss herald, boring holes into its body with your fiery gaze. You were livid. It stood still for a moment, then erupted with laughter, releasing one guffaw after another. You sunk back a bit, the confidence you had only a second prior wavering.
“I apologize for not being clear, allow me to explain. It doesn’t matter whether you accept my offer or not, the outcome shall remain ultimately the same,” the herald stated emotionlessly, tilting your chin up with a pointed finger. You immediately jerked your head away, it’s claw slicing your neck in the process. You winced. “So full of fire. Tell me, does this have something to do with that knight you had accompanying you? It would be best for you to forget such trivial things as, well, you won’t be seeing him ever again.” You jerked on the chains holding you back, thrusting forward with as much force as possible.
“Bastard! What did you do with him?” you screamed. “I swear, if you even laid a finger on him, I’ll kill you! Tell me you didn’t!” Your voice was going hoarse as you finished yelling, but you didn’t care. If the Abyss Order had done anything to hurt Kaeya, they would answer to you. The end result wouldn’t be pretty. The herald laughed again, seemingly amused by your fury. He started pacing around the room.
“Oh, my, sorry to break it to you, dear. It was a tragic battle, indeed. Shall I recount to you the look on his dying face? The last words he uttered? The way his blood oozed around him as he drew his last breath?”

You clenched your jaw.
‘Lies, they’re all lies. Kaeya wouldn’t die, not like this.’
“Might I say, those hilichurls made quick work of him, indeed. Not even a few-“
“Shut up! Just shut up!” you yelled, stopping the herald from continuing. If not, you might-

The darkness began manifesting, scratching its way from the depths of your soul. It ached, it craved. Every negative thought and feeling you were unable to suppress, it wanted to feed on it. You hung your head, focusing on getting yourself back in control. You said you weren’t going to use it, and you weren’t lying.
“Oh, what? You don’t want to believe it? You should, considering how weak that captain is, or should I say, was. No man like that should have ever been bestowed such a prestigious title,” said the herald, feeding the blackness in your mind. You shook your head violently, trying to convince yourself what it was saying wasn’t the truth.
“Kaeya is strong, he wouldn’t! Not when I still have to tell him!” The herald howled obnoxiously, making the demon writhing within you permeate even further throughout your body. It entered your blood stream, pumping through your veins, filling you with that nasty rotten aura that you were all too familiar with.
“Ha! Don’t tell me you were in love with the man! How pathetic! Do you really think someone as tainted and broken as you deserves such things?” it asked condescendingly, pointed a finger in your direction. “Really, don’t make me laugh!”

You yelled as loudly as you could, trying to drown out the herald’s words as well as your own thoughts.
“Stop! I don’t know what you’re trying to accomplish, but you’re going to regret this!” you exclaimed, trying to get it to stop provoking you. If you lost control, you weren’t sure if you’d be able to regain it once again. The last time you had been lucky, passing out before you could do any real damage, but now, you could rampage until there was only rubble and corpses beneath your feet.

If that’s what the Abyss Order planned to do, to trigger you and release you to wreak havoc upon the world, then they would soon see their goal come to fruition.

You tried with all your might to hold on to the last shred of sanity you had, but your soul was already being infected bit by bit.
“Admit it, girl. There is little left for you on this earth. Fulfill your destiny, become something of meaning,” the abyss herald said, his voice eager.

Tears streamed from your eyes, the whites of them slowly turning pitch black. Your irises no longer gleamed with a colourful shine, reflecting your ambitions and happiness, instead they were dull and dark. You sobbed loudly, letting yourself drift further and further away from the remaining humanity you had. You said you wouldn’t give in, that you would make them pay, but after all you would just be playing directly in the enemies hands. Even if you wanted to stop it, to revert, to try and calm yourself, it was too late. In the end, you couldn’t protect him, let alone yourself. You had no right to call yourself an adventurer or a swordsman, because in the end, you were just a lonely little girl with nothing. If only you had spent more time trying to control your Vision, if maybe you had tried a little harder to come up with a solution, then Kaeya wouldn’t be dead, and you wouldn’t be on the cusp of destroying an entire nation.
“Make it stop!” you sobbed, squeezing your eyes shut. There was a newfound gloom surrounding you, one that made the air denser and smell of decay.
“Yes! Harness that anger! There is no need for restraint here, let it all free! Show me what you are truly capable of!” the herald said happily, attempting to guide you to the other side. Your breaths came out in pants. The longer you fought your true self, the harder it was to keep it at bay.
“You’re only hurting yourself at this point,” the abyss herald said quietly, approaching you and placing a hand on your shoulder. Your eyes widened and the tears ceased to fall.

The gesture felt so familiar. How many times had Kaeya done the same?

Millennia seemed to drag on as silence hung in the moist air. The abyss herald eventually spoke the words that stripped your body of every last ounce of compassion, of understanding, of sympathy, of you, that it had.

“You are nothing to no one. Give up already.”

In a split second, your body was engulfed in black flame, not an inch of it untainted by the darkness. Nothing could save you now. You were long gone, replaced by the monster that fed upon your fury. Smoke-like tendrils emerged from your body, snaking closer and closer to the herald. In one swift motion, you ripped the chains attaching you shackles to the wall, one by one until you were free. You lifted yourself from the floor, your head lolling to the side and your hair falling haphazardly over your face. An evil smirk spread across your lips, the black holes in place of your eyes making you appear more menacing than ever before. The smoke tendrils slithered across the floor as you approached your enemy, your stomach flipping with anticipation.

“Now!” the herald yelled. Your head shot to the side, a tentacle following your vision and impaling the abyss mage that was standing by to capture you in a bubble once more. The mage’s body swayed for a moment before tumbling to the ground. An inhuman laugh bubbled up your throat, the sound sickening and evil. Nothing was strong enough to contain you, and it was foolish for the Abyss to think they were an exception.
“You…” Your voice was harsh and low, full of malicious intent. You lifted your arm, pointing a finger in the abyss herald’s direction. It stumbled backwards, shocked at how easily you had dismantled its plan. In your palm manifested the weapon you had used in Dragonspine, the same scythe that had so easily cut your enemy in two. It grew outwardly from your skin, taking its formidable shape once again. Somehow, though, the blade was far more menacing than it had been the last time you conjured it.
“Die,” you said simply, your tendrils lashing out and wrapping around the heralds neck. They lifted him high into the air, the only noises leaving the creature being splutters and strangled breaths. You put your other hand in place on the flaming scythe, taking a low stance. The abyss herald flailed before you, attempting to speak.
“Y-you d-don’t… want to d-do… this,” it muttered as it clawed at the tendrils wrapped around its throat.
‘Kill it, kill it now.’

You swung the scythe back, your eyes lifeless and lips curled into a demonic smile.
“Kill…” you mumbled as you brought your blade back around with amazing force, a blast of black fire erupting all around you as you severed the abyss herald’s head from its body. Your smoke tendrils retreated, dropping the head to the floor and slinking back to your side. You stood up straight, the creature within you itching for more.
‘More… More… Kill them all.’
“Kill… them… all…” you repeated, the flames flowing around your body doubling in size. You slowly walked forward, stepping over the abyss herald’s body, making your way to the exit. A mossy stone staircase and rickety wooden door were the only things separating you from achieving your ultimate goal. Once out in the world, you would do as your father had intended.

There would be no survivors.

“I can’t let you do that,” a shadowed figure said, standing in from of the stairs leading to the outside. You stopped, swinging your scythe back, prepared to take the life of another. Whoever it was, they were in your way. They needed to die. The figure stepped forward quickly, the torches lighting up their features as they did so. Your body faltered for a moment even though you were no longer in control of your thoughts and movements.

There stood Kaeya, alive and well, blocking you from exiting the underground dungeon.

You didn’t move, your expression blank and alien.
‘Don’t stop… Kill now. Make… father… proud,’
“Make father… proud.” Kaeya unsheathed his blade hesitantly.
“We don’t have to fight,” he said, the sound of his voice saying your name no longer recognizable to you. “I refuse to believe this is what you want. Your father was a murderer, a scoundrel! Why make him proud? Why stain your hands with innocent blood for him?” Kaeya questioned desperately. He was trying to reach you, but unfortunately, none of his words were registering. You swung, the flames of your black scythe flickering from the motion. Kaeya, being as nimble and light on his feet as he way, dodged the attack just in time. He rolled, skidding to a halt and jumping to his feet quickly. You brought your blade down by your side as you turned to where Kaeya stood, his sword at the ready in front of him.
“You’re not acting like yourself! What happened to the witty adventurer I know? To the young woman whose only dream is to be free? To be proud of the person she is?” Kaeya asked, his tone pleading and full of sorrow. You didn’t acknowledge any of it. You took one step after another, your only focus being on killing your target. The radius of your flames increased again as your hunger grew, your lust for blood insatiable and everlasting. “I know this isn’t what you want! Please, you must regain control!”

Deep inside, you awoke. You floated aimlessly through a misty fog, hearing the echoing of a frantic voice coming from every angle. You remembered that voice, soft and low, so full of passion and life. But who did it belong to? You drifted along, a nagging feeling in the back of your mind. You were meant to be somewhere, to be doing something, but what was it?

One step after another, you closed the gap between you and Kaeya. He bent lower, tightening his grip on his sword. He wasn’t going to flee.
"Dont you recall all of the adventures we shared?” He asked, standing his ground. “Do you not recall how happy they made you?”

Adventures? Yes, that’s right. You’d been on many adventures. But with whom was your companion during those times? There was someone who had accompanied you on occasion, but you could no longer put a name or face to whoever it was. Your consciousness battled with your memories, attempting to uncover the missing pieces. In this moment, you were needed. But why, and by whom?

Kaeya’s emotional attempt to sway you had no effect, your face just as dull and emotionless as it had been before. You brought your scythe back up, shifting it back to prepare another attack. Kaeya looked visibly conflicted, as if he wasn’t sure whether he should raise his blade to you. You crouched low once again, then swung your scythe at him with astonishing force. He readied his sword to block your attack, but your scythe sliced through the metal with ease. The tip of Kaeya’s blade clanged loudly on the stone floor, whilst he himself was flung across the room due to the sheer power behind your attack.
‘Miss… You… missed…’
“I… missed.” Kaeya’s eyes were open wide as you came upon him again, far too fast for him to even get to his knees. He sat up, scooting backwards until his back hit the wall. You followed him the entire way, looming over him with your scythe at his throat. His breathing was laboured, the usual confident air he exuded almost entirely absent.
“You know… I’ve always admired you,” Kaeya started, grimacing from the pain of being tossed to the ground. Your body faltered for a moment. “Never in my life have I met a woman who makes me feel the way that you do. Not once. Please, you have to fight it.” You inched forward, the blade nearing closer and closer to Kaeya’s neck. He sucked in a large breath.

“You have had me captivated since the moment I laid eyes on you, and the truth is,” Kaeya said in a near-whisper. “I need you.”

Your body stilled, your consciousness stirring deep within you. One memory after another came flooding back, filling your mind to the brim. The creature hissed, trying to stay in control of your body.

I need you.

The night you spent talking about your past, the meal you cut short because you couldn’t make sense of your feelings, the cave in Dragonspine; they all came back to you.

And who had been there, right alongside you each time?

Kaeya.

Your body struggled with itself, tugging and pulling in different directions. It was you versus your tainted Vision, fighting for dominance. Whatever demon was infecting your soul, you were desperately trying to purge it before anything happened to Kaeya.
“Get… the…. hell… out of me,” you grunted, struggling.
‘Don’t resist… kill now…’
Your arms trembled, one half of you pulling back, one half pushing forward.

I need you.

“No! I won’t!” you screamed, stepping backwards. You felt yourself taking back the reins, suppressing your demon back into the depths of your being. It screeched, slowly but surely disappearing as your consciousness bubbled back to the surface.

In an instant, the scythe dissipated into the air. You stood still, gripping onto nothing. Your eyes slowly regained their colour, all of the darkness retreating as you were dragged back to reality. The flames around you did the same, slowly disappearing until you appeared the same as always. The only difference was the tears rolling continuously down your face. You tumbled forward from exhaustion, falling into Kaeya’s lap. He held you tightly, his face pressed into the crook of your neck. You sobbed, gripping into his shirt and doing the same.

It was over.

“I- I’m so sorry, Kaeya. Please… please forgive me. I’m so sorry,” you weeped, clutching on to him for dear life.

For a long while you cried. You cried because you were relieved to see that Kaeya was alive, but you also cried because you were ashamed of what you had done. You weren’t sure what had brought you back from the brink, but you knew what would have happened if you were left to roam free. You had no recollection of the time you spent being repressed as your body attempted to carry out sick deeds, but you didn’t need to be mentally present to know that you had messed up.

You sniffled, still gripping onto Kaeya as if he might disappear if you let go.
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” you repeated, tears staining Kaeya’s clothing. He held you tighter, lifting his head to look at you. He softly pulled you away from him and gazed into your red, puffy eyes. Your lip quivered for a moment as you tried to stop the tears from falling, but you simply couldn’t hold them back. You looked away as you usually did, avoiding eye contact with him. Usually, he didn’t mention your habit of turning your cheek when you were uncomfortable, but this time was different. He delicately grabbed your chin, bringing you face back around to look at him. He looked sorrowful, an expression he rarely wore.

You knew it was your fault he was like that.

You opened your mouth to apologize again, but Kaeya stopped you. He put a finger to your lips as his other hand cupped your cheek, caressing the skin underneath.
“Shh, enough apologizing,” he whispered, wiping a stray tear with his thumb. “You’re alright now, and that’s all that matters.” Kaeya tilted his head down, touching his forehead to yours.
“B-but… I hurt you, didn’t I? I promised myself I wouldn’t… but,” you said, squeezing your eyes shut and gripping his shirt even tighter. “I’m weak. I always have been.” Kaeya shook his head, holding your face gently with both hands.
“No, you’re wrong,” he said firmly. “I have never come across another person as kind and skilled as you. Say what you will, but your strength goes far beyond physical capabilities.” You knew you didn’t have the right to feel happy from hearing Kaeya speak so highly of you, but you couldn’t help it.
“Still, that doesn’t change the fact that I could have killed you,” you said insistently, looking for any trace of anger or resentment in Kaeya’s regard. There was none. “After all I’ve done… after everything I’ve dragged you through… In the end, I should have just left you alone. You staying with me has only put you in danger,” you said, pulling Kaeya’s hands from your face. You held them tightly in your own, never looking away from him.

You didn’t know what the future held, but after everything you and Kaeya had been through, it was time to tell him how you felt. You cleared your mind, not willing to wait another second.
“But in the end, I wouldn’t have been able to. Because after all,” you announced, your voice clear as day. This was it, the moment you had been waiting eagerly for was finally happening.“Kaeya, I’m in love with you.”

Kaeya stared at you blankly, as if a confession was the last thing he had expected from you. You held your breath in anticipation, waiting for him to reject you. After a moment passed, you sighed.
“You don’t have to say anything, I just-“ you began before being interrupted by a warm set of lips making contact with your own. Your eyes widened from the touch, as if was so foreign to you. You pulled back out of fear, putting your hands up to your mouth. Your cheeks flushed bright red as you looked to the floor.
“I’m sorry-“
“No! Don’t apologize!” you exclaimed, looking back at Kaeya. “Just… tell me. Does this mean you have feelings for me too?” Kaeya took no time in replying, seemingly sure of his answer.
“With a woman like you,” he said in a low voice, “I don’t think it would have been possible for me not to fall in love.”

You exhaled, all the tension in your chest releasing in one short moment. That was all you needed to hear.
“Then, I don’t have any reason to hold back anymore,” you said, finally sure of yourself. You pulled Kaeya by the shirt, bringing his face closer to yours. He looked a little taken aback by your straightforwardness, but a smirk soon adorned his lips, the one you could never purge from your mind.
“My, the spunk you have,” he said, his lips barely brushing against your own. “I like it.” You pulled harder on Kaeya’a shirt, finally closing the gap. His lips were soft and welcoming, the sensation making you feel as though you might melt away in his arms. You lifted your hand to cup his cheek, settling the other one on his chest. Kaeya brought his hand up to support the back of your head while the other rested on your hip. Your lips melded together, releasing without words your deepest desires and feelings. You were lost in Kaeya, being drawn deeper and deeper into him until you were completely envoloped. You weren’t worried, though, because you didn’t want to go back. In his embrace is where you belonged, and you would be a fool to turn away.

You pulled back, needing a breath. Kaeya looked at you, his expression quickly changing to one of concern.

“What’s the matter?” he asked, laying a gentle kiss to your cheek.
“What do you mean?” you replied, blushing. You reached up to feel the spot under your eye that Kaeya’s lips had just touched, feeling the wetness. Had you started crying again? And you didn’t even notice it? You smiled, wiping your face with your sleeve. “I guess I’m just really happy,” you said sweetly, gazing at Kaeya. “I was worried you might not feel the same, but having you prove me wrong is the best thing that’s ever happened to me,” you stated sincerely. Kaeya leaned down, embracing you. Your cheek rested on his chest as his rested atop your head.
“Oh, you sweet girl. I wish you would have said something sooner,” Kaeya sighed, pulling you closer. “Really, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted to hold you like this.” You nuzzled deeper into his chest, basking in the pleasure of his natural scent.
“Me too,” you said. “I couldn’t stop… well, I couldn’t stop thinking about you in general,” you admitted. Kaeya began chuckling, the wholesome sound making your heart swell.
“I knew the insomnia was nothing but a front,” he said, pulling back to let you see his confident smirk. “Turns out you were losing sleep over me the entire time. How cute.” Your cheeks flared up as you pushed Kaeya away, tumbling out of his lap. You straightened yourself, pointing at him with a shaking finger.
“Y-you have no proof of that!” you yelled, dusting off your pants. Kaeya laughed, replying in a sarcastic tone.
“Of course not, how foolish of me to assume such a thing.” You frowned, getting riled up from the captain’s teasing.
“That’s it, I’m outta here,” you stated, marching away from him.
“Aww, you’re not even going to help me up?” he pouted. “Such an improper way to treat your lover…”

You stopped in your tracks, slowly turning back to Kaeya. Did you hear that correctly?
“L-lover?” you stuttered. Kaeya lifted himself from the floor, striding over to you. He pulled you in to his body by the small of your back, leaning down until your faces were inches apart.
“Lover, boyfriend, significant other… really, they all mean the same thing,” he muttered, taking in your effortless beauty. “Unless, that sort of thing doesn’t interest you,” he finished, leaning away. You gasped slightly, pulling him by his collar so that he couldn’t move.
“No! It’s what I want,” you exclaimed, biting your lip. You got up on your tip toes, craning your head upwards.

“You’re what I want.”

You took Kaeya’s lips in your own, the kiss profound and full of desire.

Way back, you’d told yourself that you were soul person responsible for your own happiness, that others had no bearing on that aspect of your life. People existed only as background noise to you, never anything worth wasting time on.

But then, as you kissed Kaeya, holding him tightly against you, you couldn’t have disagreed more.

Chapter Text

“So this is it then?” Kaeya asked, adjusting the belt that hung loosely across his hips. You sighed, the sight before you filling you with more dread than you could imagine possible. After a few days of travelling you’d finally made it to your old village, and to say that it was a bitter reunion was an understatement. You exhaled a large breath, noticing you’d been holding it ever since you’d laid eyes on the first decrepit building of your childhood village. Many intrusive memories popped into your mind and you couldn’t help but furrow your brows and dip your head a bit.

“Yes. Unfortunately,” you replied, rubbing your temple. After so long you’d thought you would be strong enough to face your past again, but standing on the dirt path just outside your village, you quickly realised how small you truly were. You stood in the shadow of your father and those who ridiculed you and avoided you, not any more confident than the day you tossed all of them aside and went your own way. Your hands trembled. Kaeya noticed your discomfort, encasing your hands in his steady ones. You were so glad to have him there next to you, supporting you and helping you up on your feet whenever you needed it.

“If this is too much- '' Kaeya began, but you cut him off mid-sentence. “No. I can do this,” you reassured him, but in reality you spoke those words largely to convince yourself. Your voice tremored, but you had already made up your mind. “Let’s go.”

You and Kaeya walked down the path that led through the small village. You held onto the grip of your sword, the absolute silence making you feel uneasy with each step you took. You glanced over at Kaeya, who also seemed to be on high alert. After everything that’s happened, you couldn’t blame him.

“Was your village always this quiet?” Kaeya asked. You shook your head.

“No, not at all,” you said quietly, confused. “I don’t recall it being so… decrepit, either.” You glanced at the smashed windows and debris, realising that your village appeared abandoned… but why? 

You stopped in your tracks, a familiar house coming into view. At the end of the dirt path to the right was your old house, unrecognisable from the damage it seemed to have endured in the months you were gone. Your heartbeat quickened with the thought of your mother and grandmother cooking together in the kitchen, making dinner. You picked up the pace, eager to swing open the door and embrace your mother. Your relationship with your family was bittersweet, but in the end you loved them dearly and missed them with your whole heart. Maybe it was the sentimental part of you that couldn’t let go, but family was family and you treasured them. Kaeya noticed you start jogging and trailed behind you. You halted suddenly in front of the wooden door, the missing planks allowing you to see inside.

“This is… “

“My house,” you breathed, but the breath hitched in your throat as you noticed the complete darkness seeping from the cracks in the door. You didn’t even need to open it to know that no one lived there anymore. Kaeya reached to place a hand on your shoulder, but you pushed open the door and entered before he could. You stepped into the kitchen, the smell of mildew and earth filling your nose. 

“Mom?” you called into the darkness, refusing to believe that your family was no longer there. You stumbled over to where the kitchen window was, feeling around for what might be blocking the light. Your hand wrapped around a cotton sheet, pulling it from in front of the window. Afternoon light spilled into the kitchen, and you watched the particles of dust dance in the rays of sunshine. You took in the sight around you; the place was in complete disarray. There were broken dishes strewn about, several chairs had been knocked over, and papers and other books and scrolls littered the floor. Your frantic eyes found Kaeya standing in the threshold between your house and outside, an uneasy, no, almost sorrowful look on his face. He noticed that a realisation had hit you, one that said you knew your family hadn’t simply moved out. He strode over to your shaking frame and pulled your head into his chest. You dropped the cloth you were holding onto the floor and gripped Kaeya tightly.

“I-” you started, swallowing thickly. “I think something bad happened here.” Kaeya pulled you back, cupping your cheek and caressing it with his thumb. The despairful look on your face made his heart clench. He could barely force himself to look at you, knowing there was nothing he could do to make you feel better in a situation like this. He sighed, trying to give you hope.

“You don’t know what happened here,” he said softly. “Keep your chin up. For me, please.” He leaned down and planted a delicate kiss on your forehead, one that told you no matter the outcome of this day, Kaeya Alberich would stand next to you.

You nodded, giving Kaeya a sad smile. Everything would be fine.

“Thank you,” you whispered, twirling a lock of Kaeya’s hair around your forefinger. He in turn grabbed a lock of yours, pressing it to his lips. You didn’t think you could fall for the Captain harder than you already had, but you were terribly mistaken. You sighed, deciding you would search the rest of the house.

Stepping onto the second floor, you caught sight of the entryway to your bedroom. You walked cautiously to the door, pushing it open. You lingered in the door frame for a long time, taking everything in. Even if you had only been gone for a short while, your bedroom looked almost alien. Your usually tidy room was in shambles, all the belongings you’d left behind thrown haphazardly about and your cot shredded with your blankets on the floor. You gazed sadly, stepping over some broken glass and into the centre of the room. You went over to your dusty window, pushing it open. The nostalgia hit you like a ton of bricks. 

For so long you had gazed out the same window, wondering when the day would come that you could finally spread your wings and explore the vast world. You inhaled the fresh air, a tear pooling in your waterline. You dabbed it away, thankful you had left Kaeya downstairs to look around. You turned around, making your way over to your bookshelf. It had always been full of encyclopaedias and maps, but was now completely barren save for a few things. You picked a leather-bound book from off the floor, untying the weathered straps. You opened it up, flipping to the first page.

I told mama I didn’t want father to come back from work and she got really mad at me. Father isn’t nice to us, I really hate him.

A pang of fear hit you just like it used to when your father walked through the front door, the emotion so raw and so real. You flipped the page.

Father came back early this morning covered in blood. I think mama is lying when she says he has to spend long nights at work. I think he’s a bad man. I want to run away but I'm so scared.

You inhaled, quickly turning a few pages.

I saw more blood on my father's boots today. I told mama and she slapped me. I don’t understand why these things keep happening to me. I pray to Barbatos every night and ask him to come and save me, but I don’t think he’s listening.

You flipped several more pages.

Father died today. Neither me or mama cried. I got his vision, but it looks really weird; nothing like it used to. Mama told me not to use it. I want to throw it away… but for some reason I can’t do it. 

You closed the book, not willing to read another sentence. There was so much pain and sorrow in your life back then, the inked words written by your past self  making it feel all too fresh in your mind. Your pulse pounded in your ears.

You went to put the book back into the bookcase, but stopped. You pulled it back, running your fingers over the ragged leather. You sighed, instead putting the journal in the crossbody bag you were wearing. You didn’t know why you were deciding to keep such a painful reminder of your past, but something inside you told you not to leave it behind. In a way it felt like you were leaving 12-year-old you behind to fend for herself and it just felt… wrong. 

You did a once-over of your room, not finding anything else of importance, so you decided that it was time to leave. You stepped out, glancing over your shoulder for a moment. It was the last time you would see your childhood bedroom, so you took a second to appreciate it. 

You walked back down the creaky stairs, seeing Kaeya sitting at the kitchen table.

“Everything alright?” You asked. Kaeya turned, seeming almost thankful to see you. A piece of paper sat on the table, scribbled letters becoming visible as you approached him.

“I think you should read this,” he said. You gulped, taking the thick paper from his hands. 

It was a letter, addressed to you.

If you’re reading this then you decided to come back home. I know that you won’t believe me when I say that I love you and that I’m glad you’ve returned, but I’ll say it anyway. I know you resent me for all the things I’ve put you through, and I resent myself for them as well. For putting you in danger, for not accepting your aspirations,  for not loving you like I should have. The Vision you inherited from your father shouldn’t have changed how I saw you, but It did, and the guilt eats me up every day of my life. I was just as scared as you were back then, but I’m fully aware that this doesn’t excuse my actions. I was a bad mother, and that’s the plain and simple truth. It wasn’t your fault how things ended up. I regret all those times I let you suffer in silence, all those times I shut the door behind myself, not even bothering to check if you were there with me. I’m ashamed of who I was, ashamed for not being strong enough to help us. The day you decided to leave was the hardest day of my life, knowing that you were likely to never return because of my negligent parenting. I wanted to stop you that day. I wanted to apologise and make things right, but something told me that I just needed to let you go. You’re out there living your dream now, and I couldn’t be more proud of you. Your gran says there is something devilish blowing in the wind, and I feel it too. There’s not a lot of time left, so I need there to be a record of the things I desperately want to say to you but can’t in hopes that one day you’ll find it. I love you, dear, for ever and ever. Never lose sight of who you are, and always march forward, even when the world seems undeniably against you.

Love,

Mama

The note fell to the floor, and so did you. You sat on your knees, palms flat on the floor. Breaths escaped you in short gasps as the note beneath you was slowly covered in your tears. You were so tired of crying.

Acceptance was all that you had wanted in your life, and to read those words from your mother, it was a whole new feeling in itself. You rubbed your eyes of tears, but new ones replaced them just as quickly. You didn't know whether you were crying out of relief that your mother truly did love you, or out of despair that she was undoubtedly gone from this world. 

Kaeya sat on the ground next to you, enveloping you in his warm embrace. He laid his temple on top of your head, stroking your hair. A drip landed on your forehead, and you only then realised that Kaeya was crying with you. He kissed the top of your head, squeezing you tighter than he ever had.

“You are the strongest woman I have ever met,” he said, his voice cracking slightly. You’d never heard Kaeya so vulnerable before. “The amount of pain you’ve had to endure your entire life is incredible, yet you’re always standing tall.”

You sniffed, holding your mother’s letter close to your heart. You shifted your head upwards and looked at Kaeya.

“Thank you for always keeping me on my feet.” You smiled. Kaeya kissed away a stray tear rolling down your face, then tucked a lock of stray hair behind your ear. You leaned your forehead against his chest, exhausted. 

Chapter Text

After a trip to Liyue Harbour, you returned the next morning to your village, Millelith in tow. Neither you nor Kaeya wanted to further investigate knowing what most likely took place there, so you decided on leaving the rest to the military.
You sat under the shade of a nearby tree outside the village, picking nervously at a clover. You didn’t want to see what the Milileth would discover in those houses, but you couldn’t leave just yet. There was still something you had to do, but the pounding in your chest was making it hard.
“Hey,” you heard a voice behind you say. You looked up from beneath your eyelashes, seeing Kaeya emerge from behind the tree.
“Hi,” you replied, melancholy obvious in your tone. Kaeya looked as if he had something to say, and you knew it wasn’t going to be good. You spoke before he had the chance to.
“They’re all dead.”
Kaeya’s eyes dropped. He sighed loudly, sliding down onto his knees in front of you. He grabbed your hands, holding them tightly on top of your knees. No words were spoken, telling you that this was indeed the truth.
You wondered when the pain would finally end.
“Did the Millelith tell you what happened?” you asked. Kaeya nodded. You exhaled, chest tightening.
“I want to know.”
The look on Kaeya’s face told you that you would be better off not knowing what happened, but you knew you couldn’t walk away from this without the truth. The determination and hardness you exuded in that moment prompted him to finally speak up. Your eyes bore into his as you prepared to hear his explanation.
“Some villagers managed to escape, but most were killed in their homes,” He started, gripping your hands a little tighter. “The entire place was pillaged, no home left unturned. Your… well…” There was a large pause before Kaeya continued.
“Are you sure you want to hear this?” He asked. You nodded your head immediately. You were sure of it.
“Your mother and grandmother were found in the backyard. They… didn’t make it,” he finished quietly.
All you could do at that moment was nod. You knew that the likelihood of your family surviving was slim, but you still held that hope regardless. The silly hopefulness you’d felt ever since being a child that things would one day look up. Why was it that every time you finally found something that made you genuinely happy, tragedy was not far behind?
You took your hands out of Kaeya’s and lifted yourself to your feet and began walking away. Kaeya rose, speaking your name with concern. You didn’t reply.
Kaeya called you again, pulling your shoulder in an attempt to turn you around and face him. You didn’t budge.
Looking at the ground beneath you, you saw a trail of ants, one of which was carrying a piece of food that was far too heavy for it. It was beginning to fall behind the rest of the ants that were on their way to the hill, pulling and tugging but gaining very little ground. You chuckled humorlessly at how well those insects represented your life at that moment. You imagined Kaeya as the determined ant and you the food. He picked you up, not realizing the burden you would cause, dragging you along only to have you weigh him down the entire time. He thought he could bring you back to the ant hill, but unbeknownst to him, you were too big of a morsel to fit down there in the first place. It was a fruitless effort for the ant, one that would only end up as a waste of time.
“Hey,” Kaeya whispered tenderly. “I know this is difficult for you, but you have to let me know what you’re feeling so I can help you.”
You frowned, your lip quivering. Twisting around to face Kaeya, you articulated the thoughts that were banging against the inside of your skull.
“That’s just it, isn’t it?” you blurted, the outburst making your and Kaeya’s eyes widen in shock. “All you ever do is help me, over and over, not even taking into account that you’re being hurt by the very person you’re helping in the process!” you exclaimed, the pain flowing out of you in the form of words. Kaeya stepped forward, reaching out for you. You backed away, breathing heavily.
“You’ve never hurt me-” he began.
“But I have! When I lied to you about my vision, when you had to bandage me up thinking I might die, when I almost killed you!?” You yelled, fisting a clump of hair at your scalp. “tell me I didn’t hurt you those times! Kaeya I can’t go on doing this to you!” You cried, flinging your hands to your sides. Kaeya spoke up immediately, determined to make you see his perspective on the situation.
“If I can bear even a fraction of the burden you do every day, then I’m glad to do it,” he said, coming closer. “If I could take it all upon myself, then I would do so in a heartbeat. For the girl I love, I would carry the world on my back for the rest of eternity.”
While it was very sweet, something inside you simply couldn’t accept what was being said to you. You merely shook your head.
“Then falling in love with me was a mistake,” you stated plainly.
“It wasn’t,” he retorted. You turned back around, convinced that what you were doing was the right thing. Even if it hurt like your heart being ripped from your chest, in the end this is what would be best for Kaeya.
If you love him, let him go.
“If you don’t regret it, then-” you choked out.

“Then I do.”

Kaeya’s countenance in that moment made your soul shatter. You had just broken his heart, through and through; mercilessly. You turned back away, knowing you couldn’t bear another moment looking at torment in the captain’s eyes.
“Y-you don’t mean that,” he stuttered, unraveling before you. “You’re simply hurt and upset. If you would just think for a moment – gods - where did this even come from?”
All you could do was shake your head slowly. Where indeed? Maybe it was the knowledge that those who have ever loved you were all dead and gone, none having done so by any natural means. Even if they hadn’t died by your hands or as a consequence of your actions, you couldn’t help but feel responsible. How long would it be before Kaeya ultimately fell victim to your curse? Could you be certain that leading him to your father’s grave wouldn’t spell the end for the both of you? It was impossible to be sure.
You had to keep him safe, even if it resulted in him despising you for the rest of your pitiful days. It wasn’t anything you weren’t used to.
You choked on the last words you would say to the man you were so very deeply in love with; the words that would destroy the first true relationship you had ever had.
Maybe if you had grown up different and had different experiences in your life, this day would never have come. But it had, and it was time to take responsibility for the few things you could control.
“Please, go home Captain.”
And with that, you walked away. Away from Kaeya and away from your happiness. You cursed yourself for not realizing and ending things sooner, as it would have saved you from such agonizing heartbreak.
“You can’t expect me to accept that! After everything, you’re going to simply walk away?” he yelled in exasperation, his hands clenched at his sides. You kept walking, shame washing over you in giant waves.

It was so unfair.

You hadn’t exactly been an angel thus far in your life, but you couldn’t accept that this heartbreak was deserved. On the bright side, Kaeya could meet someone that wouldn’t put him in danger, someone that could love him with their entire being and more. You began to step into the long, unkempt grass of the backwoods behind your village, freezing when Kaeya spoke up again. You cursed him for not just walking away. After all, how much could the past few months with you have possibly meant to him?

If he felt the same way you did, a lot.

“If you continue walking, then this is it,” he said evenly, but obviously infuriated. “I won’t follow you; I won’t wait for you.” You turned to see the misery in his gaze and how hard he was trying to remain composed. You yourself were having trouble keeping your cool. You wanted so badly to run into his arms, to have him with you when you confronted your demons, to tell him you hadn’t meant a word of what you said, but it just wasn't an option. His safety took precedence over everything else.
You fixed your eyes back on the path ahead of you and kept walking, the simple motion sealing your fate. You didn’t wait for any sort of closing statement from Kaeya, bursting into a sprint to get yourself out of the situation as quickly as possible. Tears flew as you tripped and stumbled through thick vegetation, the various grasses and plants growing taller and taller as you staggered in the direction of your father’s grave. As you moved along, poison ivy stinging your legs and arms, all you could think to yourself was:
‘Why?’
You tried to push all thoughts about him out of your mind. There were things of more paramount importance that needed to be dealt with.

After a good half an hour of struggle you came to your destination. Tumbling over something hard at your feet, you fell on your stomach, the long grass cushioning your fall.
“What the f-” You turned to see what had caused you to trip, noticing the top portion of a carved rock protruding from a sea of green. Sitting up, you frantically ripped out all the plants around the stone, creating a small clearing. Sure enough, there it was. Sitting right before you was your father’s moss-covered tombstone. Unlabeled and unkept, the headstone filled you with the most unadulterated sense of dread you had ever felt. You sat cross-legged in front of it, wiping your cheeks of the last of your tears.
You sighed, wondering if this trip would even be worth it in the end.

There was only one way to find out.

You inhaled deeply, closing your puffy eyes, and interlocking your fingers.
“Barbatos, protect me,” you whispered under your breath. You opened your eyes, fear flooding your being with the thought that your father’s corpse was mere feet beneath the earth.
You chuckled humorlessly as you recalled the reason behind your father having even gotten somewhat of a proper resting place in the first place. Your mother had been so afraid that he would wreak havoc beyond the grave if he was not properly put to rest but had made sure to put him somewhere nobody would find the grave. You had been furious when your mother told you this, telling her she was being superstitious.

Turns out she had been right all along.

Unfortunately, giving your father a proper burial hadn’t stopped him from returning to the mortal realm like your mother had hoped.
You cleared your throat, addressing your dead father.
“Been a while old man” you began, so much on your mind you weren’t sure what to say. You rocked back and forth slowly, deciding to go down the pleasant route. “I’d like to talk to you about my, er, I guess, your vision. It’s… well, uh. There’s something wrong with it and I was hoping you could, I guess, fix it?” You waited for a moment, the moment stretching into minutes with no response in sight. You stroked your chin in thought. Nothing happened. Perhaps you needed to be a little more persuasive. You inhaled, speaking with a little more authority.
“You’d better be ready to talk right now, or I just broke someone’s heart for absolutely nothing. So, kindly, allow me to beat your crusty, dead ass so I can go back to living my life. Please.” Was that too harsh? There was no way, your old man would have taken a challenge like that without hesitation.
You closed your eyes, sighing again. Maybe this had been a dead end from the start.
A sudden gust of ice-cold air blew across your hot skin, your eyes bursting open as a result. You looked around, no longer sitting in front of you father’s grave but instead in a vast expanse of darkness. You gazed down, the floor rippling like the surface of a calm body of water. Red lights were suspended in the air, floating past your face, and reflecting off what was acting as the floor. You rose to your feet, your breaths puffing out in clouds of vapour. You gazed around at the seemingly endless realm before you, suddenly feeling a buzzing against the skin of your ankle. You didn’t even have to look to know that your vision was having a reaction to this new place. It was almost as if the vision was magnetized and was being pulled towards an invisible force.
“You finally came to visit, my daughter,” a voice reverberated across the darkness. You froze, never expecting to hear that voice ever again. You were undeniably scared, but after all you had been through up until this point, you simply couldn’t afford to falter. You were prepared for this.
“Hey, dad. The underworld treating you well?” You directed your voice in no particular direction. With your father only being a disembodied voice, you unsheathed your sword to not let him get the jump on you. Whatever direction he would appear from, you would be ready for him. You slowly walked forward, keeping your eyes on your surroundings. Your Vision vibrated faster, indicating that you were possibly getting closer. To what, you weren’t sure.
Out of the corner of your eye, you saw a figure emerge from the inky black of the surrounding atmosphere. You turned; your blade pointed in its direction.
“You dare bare your teeth at your father?” It asked, voice booming. You had to make a conscious effort to keep breathing when you realized the man approaching you was not a man at all, but a mass of black flames that resembled closely to those produced by your vision.
“Yes, yes, I do,” you replied shakily.
“You fear me, daughter,” it said very matter-of-factly. You growled, closing the gap between you. You could feel the heat emanating from the shapeless figure, searing. It reached out to you, beckoning -no- begging for you to reach out.
“Maybe,” you said honestly. “But that doesn’t matter. I’m here to get rid of you for good and that’s what I intend to do.” The figure began to shake, flames flickering mere inches from your exposed skin. Your father was laughing.
“And what if that doesn’t work? What will you do then?” You pondered for a moment, a small smirk soon spreading across your lips.
“Then I’ll just settle with the satisfaction of sending you back to hell.”
You swung your sword across, slicing through the flames. The blade passed right through.
“I gifted you power greater than the gods and this is how you repay me?” It snapped. You sliced again, meeting no resistance, only air. Suddenly, in a blast of flame, you were sent flying. You hit the floor, rolling a few times before coming to a stop. You quickly got to your hands and knees, shaking your head to help reorient yourself. You caught sight of your rancour just as it began to sink beneath the floor to your right, the ripples enveloping it and bringing the blade down into its seemingly infinite depths. You rose to your feet.

‘Fists it is.’

“Gift? More like a way for you to live out your sick fantasies through your own daughter. I don’t know how you did it, but I don’t doubt that your insatiable bloodlust had something to do with it.” You approached the fiery figure again with no weapon or any sort of plan. You gulped.
“What do you expect to accomplish without a weapon? I suppose you’ll have no choice to use that vision of yours,” said the figure, voice permeating deep within your soul. You brought your attention to the vision on your ankle. It was now tugging against the anklet keeping it in place, seemingly having a mind of its own.
“See? It’s practically begging for you-”
“I won’t,” you interrupted. “And you know what, I don’t need to. I see now that you’re just a sad, demented man desperate for one last taste of your sick little drug. I don’t have any reason to fear you because after all, you’re inferior to me, and you always have been.”
“Is that so? My, you have me simply trembling,” it mocked. Your face was closer to the black flames than ever before, and you could feel the piercing gaze of your father even without a physical body.
“I think you underestimate me, father,” you spat. “You forget that I’ve had to live with this vision for many years. I know a thing or two about how it- or should i say you- work.”
On instinct, your hand thrust from your side, deep into the figure that once was your father. It screeched awfully as your seared hand grasped a solid object within the flames. It thumped under your tightening hold, the screams of your father rattling your eardrums.
“Someone once told me that my strength goes far beyond physical capabilities, and for once in my life, I’ll believe that.”
A burst of golden flames engulfed you, eating away at the inky silhouette. It overpowered everything within the domain, brightening even the darkest corners. You felt the object in you hand disintegrate, and with it, the spirit of your father. Your hair whipped around your head, but your feet remained planted on the ground. You were steady and confident, an individual no longer shackled to the wishes of a man already long dead and gone. The flames subsided, absorbing back into your skin like a ray of sunshine on a summer day. When all was said and done, you fell to your knees.
The instant you hit the ground you were transported back to the grave, safe and unharmed. You gasped, clutching various part of your body to make sure you were all in one piece. You scrambled to sit on your butt, pulling down your sock to inspect your vision. Your eyes widened at the sight before you.

A red pyro vision. Plain and simple. You cried out to the darkening sky in relief, in anguish.

It was done, but at what cost?

Chapter Text

There was something deep within you that hoped Kaeya had waited for you. Some youthful daydream that as you emerged from the tall grass, he would be sitting under that tree. But under the light of the twilight moon, no such person was there. No silhouette of the man with glossy sapphire locks, smooth chestnut skin, and eyes that could pierce the very spirit.
And what if he had been there? Would you have had the temerity to ask for his forgiveness? Would you again have given him reasons to hate you? Or were those two outcomes well-nigh one and the same? If you were him, you would be well beyond the point of pardon.
You held back those pesky tears as best as you could. What would crying accomplish at a time like this? What right did you have to feel so sorry for yourself? Gazing off into the distance, you saw the shadowy outline of your ransacked village.

There was nobody to return to anymore.

But in the end, the cumulation of all your past decisions had brought you to this place, hadn’t they? Whether good or bad, before you were the path that you yourself had laid out and there simply was no other way around it.
You sat under that tree for a long time, recovering from the events that had transpired merely hours ago. You were shaken by the confrontation with your father, grieving the loss of your family, and lamenting being so cruel to someone so important. Necessary or not, your soul shattered for Kaeya.
‘But was it really necessary?’ you thought.
It was his idea that fixed your Vision, and it was his choice to accompany you. Did you have any right to tell him to leave? He was a grown man that could decide for himself. But what if something terrible had happened? You would never have been able to live with yourself. He survived you once before though, he could do it again, couldn’t he? Maybe you had underestimated the captain, after all, he did have his own Vision.
“Agh, just stop,” you whispered, pulling your knees up to your chest. Second guessing your actions wouldn’t make a difference. What had happened, happened, and there was no changing it. The only thing that mattered now was that Kaeya was alive and safe and you couldn’t hurt him anymore… Well, physically, that is. Maybe there was a silver lining to this heartbreak, after all.

Father is gone and Kaeya is alive. Maybe not achieved in the most optimal way, but achieved, nevertheless.

Leaning against rough bark, you watched the moon travel across the night sky until your eyes could remain open no longer. Eyelids fluttering to a close, you were enveloped by the embrace of your subconscious thoughts.

She twirled endlessly on the worn maple hardwood, silk gown flowing effortlessly around her figure. Music echoed throughout the intricately stuccoed ballroom, the only other sound being that of her heels clicking on the glossy floor. Her legs moved in long and elegant strides; her hands interlocked with those of someone who was not there. Even without a partner, she moved with absolute grace and purpose, each step telling a story. Her hair shone like satin in the dim candlelit room, reflecting the deep passion within her heart. Unbeknownst to the onlooker, behind her shut eyelids bore a gaze of utter loneliness. Perhaps she was imagining the sensation of a pair of hands in her own as she crossed the floor, hoping that if she lost herself in dance, she could convince herself that he had never left to begin with.

But he was not there, nor would he ever be.

Small droplets followed in her wake, falling to the floor. She was acutely aware of her reality, but she simply could not admit that there was nothing left. Nobody left.
Her movements progressed into something more frantic and emotional, her heels clacking fiercely against the wooden flooring. The tiny flames from the candles lining the circular dance floor flickered and lapped at her as she swished quickly by. Her performance had metamorphosed into something so terribly raw and unadulterated; something that conveyed an emotion so very profound. She emanated sorrow, regret, and pain, her gestures representing a very cry to the heavens.
For this lonely girl was hurt beyond repair, and the only thing that could return the pieces to their rightful place was naught but a fantasy. There was no recovering what once was lost; no beholding any longer the divine figure meant for her and her alone. But in reality, he belonged to no one person, no, not anymore. If that were true, he would have been grasping her hands equally as intensely as they danced through the night.
Behind the sweat and tears, she knew she had brought such a fate upon her own self. Humans were fickle creatures, but she could not blame him for his change of heart.
At once the music ceased to play, causing her to freeze where she stood. Arms falling weakly to her sides, she felt a presence gazing upon her.

There he stood, real and true. His hair fell in long strands around his shoulders and down his back, the colour breathtaking in the lighting. He wore the most dazzling attire, but nothing could possibly take away from the radiance of his irises. They sparkled in the orange firelight, piercing straight through her.
She looked away. He should not have been there. He came to her, brushing her hair from her face and planting a lovely kiss on her forehead. There was no maliciousness or anger in his actions nor in the way that he gazed at her longingly. She looked back at him, wondering if perhaps she had ascended to the heavens. A warm smile crept upon his lips as he took her hands within his own. Music reverberated anew off the walls of the empty ballroom, persuading the couple to dance together once again. She smiled and laughed as he led her across the floor, and they relived the moments that they had both been yearning for.

They danced throughout the night, wrapped tightly in each other’s embrace. This time, they would never let go.

~~~

After an agonizing trip back to Monstadt, you threw your things to the floor and jumped in the bath. You scrubbed your skin of all the grime and dirt and washed your hair over and over until it was finally clean. Unfortunately, no matter how raw you rubbed your skin, there was a certain filth that never seemed to wash away. You stepped out of the bath, the warm water only doing so much for your wounds and aches. You winced as you walked over to the vanity, your injuries from Drangonspine still giving you a bit of trouble.
Looking into the mirror, you brushed your hair.

Hadn’t Kaeya placed a kiss upon a lock of it mere days ago?

You threw down your comb and strode quickly from the bathroom.
You imagined Kaeya leaning against your doorframe as you walked past the front door. You saw him with his arms crossed and that lovely, devilish smirk on his face. As you walked to your bedroom, you Imagined him sitting on the edge of your bed, waiting for you to fall into his welcoming arms.

Why? Why did everything you do remind you of him?

You threw yourself on your bed, tired and aching. Tilting your chin up, you gazed out the window above and observed as the moonlight spilled into your room in glowing rays of blue. You wondered if Kaeya was looking at the sky as well. Or was he perhaps sleeping soundly with not a worry in mind?
It had been days since the incident with Kaeya, days since you cleansed your Vision, and days since you no longer had a family. The pain was still fresh, but it was more so a dull ache rather than a sharp sting. It was there, sitting on your heart, eating away at it bit by bit. You clutched your chest, feeling the tears well up and the lump forming in your throat. You had thought that Kaeya would be your one and only, but now after everything was said and done, it might have been a silly notion to begin with.

Fate truly was a fickle mistress.

You wiped all moisture clear from your eyes. Things would eventually get better. You just needed to return to your daily routine; get back into the swing of things. If you busied yourself every day from then on, maybe it would be enough to help you move on. Hell, you might even find someone else.
‘Someone else’
You were overcome with dread at the last thought, leading you to believe that “just moving on” would be easier said than done.
You signed, kicking off your covers. There would be no sleep tonight and surely not for the foreseeable future. You crawled out of bed, put on a pair of shorts and a baggy cotton shirt, and silently opened your front door. In the wee hours of the morning, nobody would be awake.
With bare feet you walked the streets of Monstadt, finding yourself at the parapet that overlooked the fountain near the front gate. Feeling comforted by your usual spot, you gazed over the darkened shops and listened closely to the sounds of the running water below. A warm breeze gently rustled your hair as you stood there trying to keep your thoughts from straying too far. You didn’t want to get trapped in an infinite loop of what ifs and buts; it was better to just clear your mind completely. You inhaled deeply, feeling your lungs inflate with the humid air. You exhaled, imagining all your dark thoughts and sadness flowing out in one single breath. Your mind stayed blank for only a moment before Kaeya’s face flashed into your head unannounced. You sighed, turning away.

You were more likely to ascend to Celestia before ever forgetting about him.

You walked, heading towards the Favonius Cathedral. You didn’t know why you were going there, but truly anywhere was better than being stuck in bed with nothing more than your thoughts. As you walked up step after step, you gazed up into the sky. You couldn’t help but wonder if the Anemo Archon truly cared for his subjects. If so, why had he let you bear such a burden for so long? Why had he let you suffer all those years? Barbatos was all that you had during those isolated days stuck in your tiny bedroom, but he never answered any of your desperate prayers.

But why would a god waste time on someone so worthless?

On someone so utterly pointless?

You finally came to the cathedral, heading over to the massive statue planted in the middle of a shallow pool. You sauntered over, finally beginning to feel a little numb from all the thoughts bombarding your mind all at once. Being barefoot, you stepped into the water surrounding the statue and watched silently as ripples formed around your ankles. In no rush, you moved to the base of the statue and leaned your forehead against the cool stone. You gazed into the dark water below, then spoke to your surroundings.
“Barbatos if you can hear me…” you said, swallowing the lump forming in your throat. “Then please, tell me what I should do.”

Everything remained still and silent, not a sound to be heard.

You sniffed, a tear falling into the pool. You weren’t expecting an answer, no, but what can a broken heart do besides cry for the ones it has lost?
You righted yourself and placed a palm where your forehead had previously been. Your eyebrows furrowed and your lip quivered.
“I guess this is the least I deserve,” you whispered shakily under your breath.
You stood for a long time, your head so muzzy and loud that you weren’t sure you were completely sane anymore. You sobbed for the umpteenth time that day, wishing that you could just forget everything. There was nothing in your memory worth keeping anymore, and if it was, it wasn’t worth the pain to hold onto.

Suddenly, a voice cut through the darkness. It emanated from behind you, speaking softly your name. You gasped. Not simply because you were caught off guard by another person, but because you recognized all too well from that voice who was standing just over your shoulder. You could have never forgotten that exact tone and pitch. It was unmistakable, undeniable.
Your breath hitched and you quickly wiped your face with your sleeves. Turning slowly, you saw the person that you had longed and dreaded to see for so many days. Only now did you truly realize, in the face of Kaeya Alberich, how long those horrible days had truly felt.
You gaped at the man before you, who was wearing a partially unbuttoned white dress shirt, with his normal attire on his bottom half. He looked dishevelled, as if he had been working late into the night with not even a wink of rest, his hair flowing down his chest and shoulder like a cascade of shining blue locks. In his eyes reflected your own sentiments. He looked wounded, tired, and shocked. It was likely that he hadn’t even expected to see you there, that he had merely come to the square for a moment of respite from his own sleepless night.
You shook your head, not sure of what to say. There was so much you wanted to tell him. So much you couldn’t. Where would you even start?
“C-captain… what are you doing here?” you asked. It was the only thing that came to your mind. Everything else you were far too afraid to let fall from your lips.
Kaeya gazed deeply into your eyes. He was miserable and you could see it as clear as a bell.
“I just… needed some fresh air,” he said softly. You expected him to be angry, to storm off at the mere sight of you, but he didn’t. He stood before you, unwavering. The quietude of the night returned, neither of you sure of what to say.
At that moment you had a decision to make: be honest and ask for forgiveness or double down on the things you had said to him at your village. Of course, you wanted to ask for forgiveness, but you weren’t sure if you deserved it. You exhaled deeply.

You were going to be honest, but you weren’t going to expect anything from him. After all you’d done, it would be foolish and selfish.
As you went to speak, you found yourself unable to. Your mouth opened and closed, but no words came out. Instead, Kaeya spoke for you, seemingly eager to understand what had happened that day.
“Why did you do that to me?” he asked, his brow furrowed. “Do you know how confused and hurt I was? I had all that time on the way back here to contemplate what happened, but I still can’t wrap my head around it.” Now he was beginning to sound a little heated and understandably so. You ran a hand through your hair and stepped out of the shallow water. You walked past him, not sure you would be able to look him in the eye.
“I had to,” you said nearly in a whisper.
“Had to? That’s all you have to say?” he asked incredulously. You shook your head. You felt him eyes boring holes in the back of your skull as a blanket of silence fell over you. Him, awaiting an answer, you, completely and utterly lost for words.
“Won’t you at least look at me?” he begged, his words not much more than a whisper. Your head shook once more.
“I can’t.”
“So,” he started. “I don’t even deserve the privilege of looking you in the eye then, is that it? Will it remind you of how much you regret having fallen in love with me? I don’t know why I even-”
“That’s not it!” you sobbed, whipping around to face him. You’d had enough. You quickly strode over to him, stopping mere inches from his face. “I never regretted falling in love with you and I never will! I only said that to keep you safe! I couldn’t bear the thought of losing you and it was the only thing I could think of doing!” For a moment Kaeya seemed to process your words. His eyes flashed with relief for a moment, then hardened.

“You broke my heart.”

You wiped your eyes, tears making your vision blurry. You had told yourself that you weren't expecting an apology, but suddenly you wanted nothing more than to make Kaeya understand.
“I know I did,” you said, your voice nearly pleading. “But don’t you understand? I broke mine too. I was willing to live out the rest of my days knowing that the man I had fallen deeply in love with hated me with his entire being. I was willing to do that if it meant you stayed out of danger!” You now grasped onto the placket of his shirt, your desperation getting the better of you. You looked for any sign of warmth in Kaeya’s eyes, but he looked distant as if the two of you had never shared anything deeper than an acquaintanceship.
You sighed, releasing his shirt, and taking a step back to compose yourself.
“I know you don’t believe me, and that’s fine. I just need you… I just-” you choked on your tears, lifting your chin to the skies in futile attempts to stop them. “I need you to know it broke me completely doing what I did. I would never want to wound you like that. Never. I let you walk away because it was the only thing I could do to make sure I couldn’t hurt you anymore. It was the only thing…” you trailed off, your brain turning to complete and utter mush.
You stood there, chest heaving and arms clenched at your sides. You stole another glance at Kaeya, seeing again no reaction. If what you had said to him couldn’t convince him, then truly nothing could.

Through your blurry vision and raging headache, you turned heel and walked away. Your walk turned into a run, which quickly turned into an all-out sprint. There was no use.
You moved your legs as fast as they would go, not stopping until you were in your house and your front door slammed shut. You panted, feeling the intense tremor in your arms and legs.
Sure, running away was childish, but with the way Kaeya had looked at you, you just couldn’t take it anymore. You didn’t want to hear him say he hated your guts; you wouldn’t have been able to bear it.
Trudging over to your bed, your brain had finally had enough. You flopped down, sleep overtaking you in mere minutes.

The next morning you awoke with a terrible headache and completely stuffed sinuses. Your eyes felt puffy and limbs weak beyond anything you’d felt.
You sat in the bath for a long time, brushed your hair and teeth, got dressed in your usual attire, then stood at the door. You stood there.

And stood there.

You sighed. Had it really gotten to the point that you were scared to leave your own house? It really seemed that way. With a deep breath you opened the door and stepped out onto the narrow cobble street.

Not so bad, right?
You turned and shut your front door, placing your sheathed sword against the side of the building to grab the key from your pocket. But as you leaned over, you were grabbed and thrust against the cobbled exterior of your home. Both your wrists were pinned down on either side of your head, rendering you unable to grab your sword to retaliate. You went to scream, but it died instantly in your throat as you saw the person before you.
“Kaeya?!” you asked in utter disbelief. “Wha-”
“Shh. I don’t often use such techniques to subdue others, but you’ve proven yourself to be quite the handful,” he said nonchalantly, sounding practically like his old self. You stared at him in complete confusion, mouth agape. He leaned in close, his next words a mere breath against your ear. “I’m going to let go now, but you have to promise me you won’t run away anymore.” Your knees almost buckled, but you had to remain focused. Swallowing hard, you nodded your head quickly. Kaeya drew his head back and let go of your wrists. You rubbed them softly, still in a complete daze.

What on earth was happening?

Grabbing your sword, Kaeya walked to your door. He motioned for you to open it. You did, pushing the door back open. He took your arm firmly and led you into your house, into your room, then guided you to sit on the edge of your bed. You sat there while he stood above you, his arms crossed.
“You know, it’s not considered very well mannered to run away from someone before they have the chance to speak,” he began. “I only had the time to absorb what you were saying to me before you just up and ran.”
You gazed up at him, wringing your hands together.
“I thought… well… by the way you looked I thought I knew what you were going to say.”
“And what is that?” You looked down at your hands.
“That you wouldn’t forgive me. That you hated me.” There was a long pause before Kaeya knelt to meet your eyes. He clasped your hands in his own and chuckled.
“Even if I tried, I don’t think I could ever hate you,” he said, his expression sincere and tender. “It really hurt me what happened that day, but now that I think about it, I should have known what you were up to. I suppose I couldn’t think straight. I was angry and spiteful, but by the time I got back I was already worried sick, wondering where you were or if you were in trouble. Last night I decided that today I would go back to look for you, but then I saw you at the statue. I feel guilty that I left you back there all alone and… I am so sorry.” You shook your head, feeling so relieved and comforted by his words. Turns out you had really jumped the gun the previous night.
“No, don’t even say that. You were completely justified in the way you felt. Walking away is the least I would have done had someone done that to me,” you insisted, gripping Kaeya’s hands tighter. “I’m so sorry Kaeya. I said some stupid things that day and I hurt you very badly.” Kaeya’s hand went to caress your cheek, his thumb rubbing over the skin.
“I forgive you, but you have to promise me that from now on you will be honest with your feelings and you'll let yourself depend on me.” You took no time in responding.
“I promise.”
He gave you a reassuring look before his hand dropped from your cheek and moved down your leg. You quirked your brow, unsure of what the blue-haired man was doing. His fingers traced down the skin of your calf, slipping under your sock and pulling out the anklet with your Vision. You sucked in a breath, realizing that he was checking to see if his suggestion had worked. You saw his eyes widen, then shoot up quickly to meet yours.
“It was exactly like you said, Kaeya. He was there. Well, not all of him, exactly. He said some awful things, but I ended it pretty quickly.” Kaeya gaped at you Vision again, then back at you.
“Are you alright? He didn’t do anything to you, did he?” You told Kaeya in detail what had happened during the confrontation with your father. How he had been nothing more than a flickering shadow, how he was all bark and no bite. As you finished your story, Kaeya stood up, holding his hands out to you. You took them and rose to your feet. He suddenly pulled you into a tight hug, holding your head against his chest. He placed a kiss on the top of your head and sighed heavily.
“You don’t know how relieved I am that you’re okay,” he sighed.
“Same here,” you replied, feeling his heart beat steadily under your ear.
You lifted your head, raising one hand to trace a finger along Kaeya’s bottom lip. He smirked, softly grabbing your wrist and moving your arm away so that he could kiss you. Your lips met, a familiar feeling that you had yearned and dreamed for. You got onto your tip toes, determined to taste all of him. The kiss deepened, your lips melding together perfectly as your fists clenched the fabric of his shirt. When Kaeya let out a soft moan, you knew this kiss wasn’t the same as the one you had shared before. It was more desperate; needy. You pulled him closer, craving the feel of his body against yours.
After minutes, you finally pulled away for a breath of air, your lips red and swollen. You looked at Kaeya with lidded eyes, peering up through your lashes. He leaned down into the crook of your neck, inhaling your scent as if it were a delicious perfume. You whimpered, your legs almost ready to give way.
“You have no idea what you do to me,” he breathed against your skin. You shivered, your skin covered in goosebumps. Kaeya stepped forward, letting the backs of your legs hit the end of your bed. You fell on your back to the mattress, him caging you in with his arms. He licked his lips and leaned down to nip at your ears and neck. Every time his mouth made contact with your burning skin, you had to bite your knuckle to stop from making any noises. Once Kaeya realized, he moved your hand down and placed it on the section of his bare chest that his clothes did not cover.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” he said, moving a strand of hair from your face. “I want to hear everything.”
He then moved his hands down your sides, finding the hem of your shirt. Your breath quickened as you realized what would be happening next. Kaeya placed a soft kiss upon your lips before whispering directly into your ear again.
“Is this what you want?”
You nodded your head.

“Yes.”

~~~

You sat on the edge of Starsnatch Cliff, watching the motion of crystal-clear blue water hundreds of feet below. It rippled calmly, each peak reflecting heavenly golden light for kilometres.
You clasped your hands together and raised your chin to the skies. The clouds rolled lazily across the wide expanse of blue above and the sun shone a deep, brilliant orange. The scenery was truly something unreal, looking as if it had been painted into the sky with vibrant, bleeding watercolours.
In the last hours of daytime, you had an urge to be by your lonesome, a habit that you would surely never break. It was different though, as being alone didn’t mean that you were lonely anymore. You were meeting new people and forging new bonds, overall becoming more and more social as the days went by. But that would never take away from the fact that you enjoyed spending time primarily with yourself.
Finally, you cleared your throat. You spoke clearly but quietly.
“Hi mama, gran. It’s me,” you said. It had been some time since their deaths, and you wanted them to know that you were still thinking of them. If they were out there -and you were sure they were- then you wanted to give them some peace of mind in the afterlife. “Whatever happened in my childhood, I want you to know that I still miss you every single day. No matter what, I will always love you and I will make sure I tell you as often as possible.” You dropped your head, any more words that you had suddenly escaping you. You untangled your fingers and sighed.

“Rest easy.”

For a while you sat in complete silence, just watching as the sun sank lower and lower in the sky. The ocean darkened beneath your feet and beyond, and the sky took on new hues of purple and vermillion, creating a picturesque landscape that you couldn’t possibly tear your eyes away from. An unexpected voice, however, snapped you out of your reverie.
“Why is it that every time I look for you, you’re always miles from the city?” it said. You turned to look over your shoulder, then smiled deeply at your surprise visitor.
“I dunno,” you sighed, “It’s just where I prefer to be. Is that an issue, Mr. Cavalry Captain, sir?” Kaeya chuckled lightly as he came to sit down next to you. He leaned close to you, grinning as he blew softly against your ear.
“No,” he said as you shivered outwardly, “I just prefer to have you close is all.” You chuckled, turning to face him.
“Stop teasing me,” you puffed, rubbing your ear. “It’s embarrassing.” He leaned in closer.
“And that’s exactly why I do it,” he replied in that sultry tone you just couldn’t resist. You shook your head playfully.
“Of course, why wouldn’t that be the case?”
“You like it.”
You feigned thoughtfulness for a moment, tapping a finger across your lips. Your cheeks reddened and you couldn’t help but giggle a bit at Kaeya’s confidence. You turned to face him, eyes sparkling with bliss. The love of your life was mere inches from your face, admiring you all the same.
“Maybe,” you answered, shrugging your shoulders.
You turned back to the sunset, resting your head in the crook of Kaeya’s neck. You sighed deeply, playing with his long hair as you both enjoyed each other’s presence and the peaceful tranquility that surrounded you. You closed your eyes and thought about how lucky you were to be sharing this moment with someone who meant so much to you. If you had never met him, you were sure that this moment would have been spent alone, in complete solitude.
Suddenly, out of nowhere, you realized something.
“Hey Kaeya?” you asked, mentally facepalming for never having said it before.
“Mhm?” he hummed. A moment passed, you realizing that saying something like that would be harder than you thought. Your pulse quickened, but you were determined. The words fell from your lips a little awkwardly, but it felt nice to finally say them.

“I love you.”

Kaeya went as rigid as a statue as if taken off guard, then moved his shoulders to turn to you, causing you to lift your head. He smirked, staring deeply into your eyes.
“I thought you’d never say it.” You smiled, a little embarrassed. You replied, trying to hide your blush with your hair.
“It’s not something I’m used to hearing or saying,” you began, “I’m sorry.”
Kaeya brought his hand up to caress your cheek, his fingers cool on your skin.
“Well,” he said in a near whisper, “I promise that won’t be the case anymore.” He leaned in, pressing his lips softly onto yours. You leaned into the kiss, lifting your hand to cup his cheek as your lips moved slowly and deliberately against his.
When you broke away, he took you into his arms and held you tightly in his embrace. It was much more than that, though. It was a gesture that told you that you meant the world to him; that you were needed and loved. It told you that you were the centre of his universe, the most important thing to him now and for forever.

“I love you,” he whispered, “I will say it now until the end of time. With all my heart, I love you.”