Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“Unrequited love. It's fantastic, 'cause it never has to change, it never has to grow up and it never has to die!”

- Vince Tyler, Queer as Folk

Kurt is in Babylon, talking to a man from Albany when Sebastian crashes into him.

Sebastian is a tangle of limbs and sweat and whiskey-heavy breath. He wraps his arm around Kurt’s neck and presses a sloppy kiss to his cheek. “Hey there!” he practically shouts into Kurt’s ear.

The man from Albany cocks an eyebrow. “This your boyfriend?” he calls, above the music, more accusation than question.

“No,” Kurt says.

Sebastian gasps dramatically. “Sweetheart, are you breaking up with me?”

Kurt elbows him in the ribs. “Fuck off,” he tells him, without much malice.

“If you say so,” Sebastian replies. His arm slides off Kurt’s shoulders, and he winks at the man from Albany before disappearing into the crowd.

“Not a boyfriend,” the man says, and Kurt is pretty sure he hasn’t said his name yet, but if he had, it was swallowed by the dance music.

“A friend,” Kurt tells him, glancing at the dancefloor for a minute, but not seeing Sebastian anywhere. He meets the gaze of Albany. “An old friend. And an asshole.”

The man laughs. “Aren’t they all?”

The man buys Kurt another drink, and it seems like things are going well, until the man gets a call from someone and insists he has to take it. He disappears towards the club’s doors, and Kurt has little hope of finding him again. He downs the rest of his gin and tonic, and then heads out in search of Sebastian.

He pushes through the crowd, and finally he sees Sebastian - head thrown back, hair wild, the colored lights reflecting off of glitter on his throat and jaw. Kurt discovers the source of the glitter as he moves closer - Sebastian is dancing close to a short man in a tank top, whose dark skin is generously coated in sparkles. They must have been pretty friendly for so much to have rubbed off on Seb, but they’re not dancing so intimately now that Kurt’s not willing to join them.

Sebastian smiles when his eyes catch Kurt. Kurt has seen this smile a million times, but it’s always striking - Sebastian smiles as though he knows a secret, as though he has all the power in the world. No wonder everyone orbits him, like desperate celestial bodies.

Sebastian turns towards him, and they dance together for a while, along with the glittering boy, getting lost in the heat and the music and the closeness of each other. Eventually Sebastian ropes his arm around Kurt’s, and he mimes taking a drink to the other man before pulling Kurt to the bar.

As they wait for the bartender, Sebastian leans into Kurt and says, “I’m taking that guy home. I’ll call you an Uber.”

Kurt sighs. “Fine.”

Sebastian reaches up to cup Kurt’s face, staring at him intensely. “Unless you want to come back to mine and join in.”

Kurt notices, idly, that Sebastian’s pupils are very large, nearly swallowing his greenish irises. “Very funny,” he tells Sebastian, who does in fact laugh as he lets go of Kurt’s jaw.

The bartender approaches them, and Sebastian orders drinks for them both. He hands Kurt a G&T and they clink glasses before Sebastian downs his shot.

“You coming back?” Sebastian asks as he starts heading for the dance floor, for the glitter-covered man he’ll be taking home.

Kurt shakes his head. “I’ll head home soon.”

Sebastian reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone, pressing it into Kurt’s hand. “Bring it back tomorrow,” he tells Kurt, and then he’s gone.

Kurt hangs by the bar as he sips his drink, watching the crowd around him. No one approaches him, and he doesn’t have the interest or energy to go through the process of finding someone new to check out, talk to, flirt with. He places his empty glass back on the bar, and slips between people drinking and talking and kissing to get to the exit.

It’s cooler outside, but not by much. He can hear the buzz of the neon Babylon sign above the door he just walked out of. He wipes some sweat from his brow, and glances up and down the street. Even though it’s late, it’s Saturday night, and he sees people walking between bars and clubs. He doesn’t notice the man from Albany anywhere.

He slips Sebastian’s phone out of his pocket and taps in the passcode. He orders a car, and leans against a streetlight as he waits for it to arrive.

Drunk, alone, waiting for a taxi that Sebastian is paying for - it’s not an unfamiliar situation for Kurt. At least once a week he drives over to Seb’s apartment, and they walk or take a cab to the clubs. Sebastian goes more often, but Kurt doesn’t like getting too drunk when he has work the next day. Sometimes they each find someone to hook up with, and go their separate ways. Sometimes Kurt’s unable to catch anyone’s attention, or not in the mood. Sometimes Sebastian doesn’t go home with anyone either - never because he was rejected, but simply because everyone he saw was uninteresting to him. On those nights they head back to Sebastian’s together, and fall asleep in a drunken heap on Seb’s king-size bed.

And some nights, like tonight, Sebastian finds someone and Kurt doesn’t, so Kurt abandons his car at Sebastian’s and heads back to his place alone.

The driver of the car that picks him up is a middle-aged woman who is polite but not friendly, and Kurt doesn’t mind the lack of conversation on the way across town. It’s just before three when the car pulls up in front of his apartment complex. The driver says, “have a nice night, Sebastian,” as he gets out. Kurt shuts the door. When he uses Sebastian’s account, alone, he responds to his name, but he can’t imagine what life would be like as Sebastian. He wouldn’t be coming home alone, for one.

He unlocks his front door and moves through the dark common area, trying to be quiet as he makes his way to the bathroom. He brushes his teeth, washes his face, scowls at his reflection. He’s sweaty and feels gross, but is too tired to shower. He heads to his room, takes off his clothes, and climbs into bed. It’s quiet, but the residual ringing in his ears from the club music makes it hard to fall asleep.

Chapter Text

When Kurt wakes up the next morning, he can smell pancakes being made.

He puts on sweatpants and steps out into the kitchen. Rachel is at the stove, and glances up when he enters.

“Morning, sunshine,” she greets him. “Want some?”

“Yes,” Kurt mutters, walking past her to the counter. “After coffee.”

“Will you make bacon?” she asks.

Once Kurt has the electric kettle heating, he pulls bacon out of the fridge and puts it in a pan.

“How was your night?” Rachel asks as they wait for their breakfast to cook.

Kurt shrugs. “All right.”

She studies him for a moment, then turns back to the stove to flip some pancakes. Then she glances at him again.

Kurt sighs. “Don’t start trying to spare my feelings now . What is it?”

Rachel shrugs. “I’m just wondering what the ratio is of ‘all right’ nights to great nights for you when you go out.”

“I have some great nights,” Kurt says.

“I know,” Rachel replies. “But it seems like most are just...fine.”

“So, what, are you just having great nights constantly? Do you have any useful advice?”

Rachel rolls her eyes at his tone. “I think I have fewer disappointing nights, at least.”

Kurt scoffs. “Whatever.” He steps away from her to grind coffee and set up his pour over carafe. They stand in silence until the pancakes, coffee, and bacon are ready. Rachel inhales the scent of the bacon deeply before passing the pan to Kurt, for him to unload onto his plate.

“You’re such a creep,” he accuses her. “They have vegan bacon, you know.”

“Not the same,” she replies as she serves herself pancakes. “I’d rather just smell real bacon than eat vegan bacon.”

“Creep,” Kurt repeats.

Kurt arrives at Sebastian’s building just before noon. He presses the UP button on the elevator, and when the doors open, the man that Sebastian took home last night is there. He sees the slight spark of recognition in the man’s eyes. He smiles at Kurt as he walks past him, and Kurt resists the urge to look over his shoulder and meet the man’s gaze. Instead, he steps into the elevator, and takes it to the top floor. 

The apartment is unlocked when Kurt reaches the door. “Honey, I’m home,” he calls out as he enters. 

“You wish,” Sebastian replied, appearing in the doorway from the kitchen. His hair is damp, and he wears only an undershirt and boxers. 

Kurt hands Sebastian his phone. “Good night?”

“Spectacular night,” Sebastian says, checking his notifications. “Sorry you struck out.”

“Eh, you win some you lose some.”

“So I’ve heard,” Sebastian replies. He looks up and grins at Kurt. “You sticking around? We could order food, lounge around all day. Or you could help me redecorate. We could do some online shopping.”

Kurt smiles. “Sounds great, but I’ve got things to do. I need to go grocery shopping. Pay some bills. I should clean the apartment.”

Sebastian leans against the door frame, pouting. “You’re so boring and practical.”

Kurt shrugs. “Sorry, Seb. I’ll text you. We can get lunch some time this week.”

“Fine,” Sebastian replies, straightening up and turning his attention back to his phone. “See you.”

Kurt is going over a shift schedule when he hears the growl of an aggressive customer. He heads out to the counter, tucking his clipboard under his arm, and sees Amy at the register, with a tall, bearded man leaning over the counter. Kurt steps forward, putting himself just slightly in front of Amy, and says, “can I help you, sir?”

The man scowls at him. “She says you won’t accept my return.”

“It’s broken,” Amy mutters, handing Kurt the open box, with an espresso maker nestled inside. Kurt lifts it up and sees that it is indeed dented. 

“I’m sorry,” Kurt says to the customer, in a tone that absolutely does not sound remorseful. “We can’t offer refunds for merchandise that has been damaged.”

The man crosses his arms. “It was like that when I got it.”

Kurt turns the box so he can see the white seal, ripped in half along the cardboard edge, with his own initials scrawled on it. “We have a rigorous quality assurance policy,” he says, showing the man the seal. “I personally checked this item for any defects before it was put out. Any damage sustained after purchase is not our responsibility.”

The man snatches the box back from Kurt. “Fine,” he spits out, and turns on his heel to march out of the coffee shop.

“Thanks,” Amy says, leaning against the counter. 

“Sure,” Kurt replies easily. “Absurd how angry people get about stupid things.”

Amy nods, meeting Kurt’s eyes before turning back towards the register. Kurt waits a moment, watching her, before looking at his clipboard. 

He and Amy are not friends, per se, but they have a certain understanding of each other. Months ago, shortly after she’d been hired as a barista, he saw her at a club downtown, kissing another woman. She’d recognized him from across the room. The next shift they worked together, she had hesitantly approached him, and he’d told her not to worry. “I only saw you because I was at that club, too,” he said. “I won’t tell if you won’t.”

When Kurt gets home, Rachel shoves the menu for their favorite Chinese restaurant in his face.

“We said we’d do takeout less,” he reminds her, setting his bag on the couch. “For money. And health.”

“We haven’t eaten out in six days,” she says. “I counted. And I’m exhausted and I want dumplings.”

Kurt feels himself start to drool at the idea of pork dumplings. “Okay, fine. Go ahead and order, you know what I want.”

An hour later, as they sit in front of the TV and eat out of takeout containers, Rachel says, “Do you actually enjoy yourself when you go to clubs?”

Kurt rolls his eyes and takes a bite of sweet and sour chicken before speaking. “Are we talking about this again?”

“Yes.”

He sighs. “Yeah, I enjoy myself. Most the time.”

“It just seems like…” she takes a moment to think, stirring her vegetable fried rice. “It seems like a lot of time, and effort, and money, just to maybe hook up with someone at the end of the night. And it’s not like...you know, when you do bring a guy back here, it’s not like you ever see him again.”

“That’s not true,” Kurt says, defensive.

“Okay, maybe some stick around for a couple dates. But mostly it’s one night stands. Is that...you know, is that what you want, really?”

Kurt stares at her. “Okay, first of all, I enjoy my one night stands, so there’s nothing wrong with that.” He jabs at his chicken with a fork. “And secondly...okay, say you want to find a guy to date, right? You might meet someone at your job, or in one of your classes, or in a show that you perform in, or down the hall from us, or basically anywhere you go. You’re surrounded by straight men, all the time. For me, it’s not like that. I have to go to where the guys who might like me back are, where the men I talk to won’t want to punch me if I flirt with them. So I go clubbing, okay? I have limited options.”

Rachel, for once in her life, is quiet.

Chapter Text

It’s Friday, and Kurt is itching to finish work, to go home and relax for a few hours, to change and do his hair and go out drinking with Sebastian. It’s fifteen minutes before the end of his shift, and he’s behind the counter checking inventory, when a teenage girl approaches him.

“Excuse me,” she says, and she holds up a wallet. “This was under the table we were sitting at. Someone must have left it.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, accepting the wallet from her. “Thanks, I’ll put it in lost and found.”

The girl retreats, and Kurt examines the wallet. It’s leather, but made of different colored strips woven together, creating a patchwork of brown and tan and black. He flips it open. There’s just over sixty dollars in cash, a few credit cards, some receipts and punch cards. Kurt examines the driver’s license. The photo shows a man with dark, wavy hair and brown eyes. Kurt glances at the birth date, and sees the year is just one after his own. His name is Blaine Anderson. He’s not an organ donor. His address is in Columbus, but not on a street Kurt recognizes.

He shuts the wallet, mildly intrigued, and brings it into the back of the shop, sticking it in a plastic bin labeled “LOST AND FOUND.”

That night, when Sebastian buys their first round of drinks, Kurt says, “I can’t have too much tonight, I have to go into work tomorrow.”

“What?” Sebastian exclaims, wiping a drop of whiskey from his lip. “I thought you always had Saturday off. I thought that was the whole point of being a manager, that you got to make the schedule.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “I know,” he says, pausing to sip his drink. “But Rishi’s on vacation, so I have to cover a gap. I’ll only be there two hours, but I can’t be too hungover.”

Sebastian sticks out his tongue. “So lame,” he says.

“Quit complaining,” Kurt tells him. “Let me enjoy the night as much as I can.”

Sebastian grins. “Okay,” he says, stepping around the table to Kurt’s side. “Let’s dance, then.”

He wraps his fingers around Kurt’s wrist and pulls him towards the crowd of dancers, and Kurt laughs, holding his glass carefully so it doesn’t spill, happy to go along.

Kurt wakes up in Sebastian’s bed when his alarm goes off.

“Fuck,” he groans as he fumbles towards the noise, finding his phone on the carpet next to the bed. He turns off the alarm and sinks into the soft sheets, desperately wishing he could go back to sleep.

But he has work, so he takes a few deep breaths and then sits up. It’s 7:15am. Sebastian is already out of bed, leaving Kurt alone. He tries to scrub the tiredness out of his eyes, and feels his head throb in time with his heartbeat.

They’d gotten separated for a while the previous night, but when they reunited, Sebastian had said they should just go home. “There’s no one interesting here,” he told Kurt.

So they walked unsteadily back to Sebastian’s building, laughing and shouting and singing along the way, surely disturbing any responsible citizens who were already in bed by that time of night. Kurt loved those moments, when it was just the two of them, surrounded by darkness. There was no one around to judge, no one to worry about impressing. It was when he felt most free.

He rolls out of bed, phone still in hand. He finds Sebastian in the kitchen, looking at something on his laptop, eating a cinnamon bun.

“Hey,” he greets Kurt without looking up. “Breakfast, if you want.” He waves his hands towards a pale pink box from a bakery down the street, where three more cinnamon buns are nestled in wax paper.

“Ugh, no,” Kurt says, opening a cabinet and grabbing a glass. “I can’t have so much sugar right when I wake up. I’ll puke.”

“From the sugar, or the gin?”

“Neither helps,” Kurt says as he fills his glass with water, then locates the bottle of aspirin on the windowsill. “How are you never hungover? You drank more than I did.”

Sebastian shrugs, taking a bite of his pastry. “That’s the key. I have a higher tolerance.”

Kurt rolls his eyes before swallowing two pills. “Fuck,” he chokes out, sipping his water. “I don’t miss high school in any way, shape, or form, but god could my seventeen-year-old body metabolize alcohol well.”

Sebastian smiles. “Well, you know what they say. Intoxication is wasted on the young.”

Kurt scoffs. “I’m going to shower.”

Forty minutes later, Kurt arrives at work. If he has to go to work hungover, he considers as he makes himself an americano, at the very least he works in a coffee shop.

He’s in the back office working on scheduling when one of the baristas comes in. “Hey, Kurt?” he says, “Do we have a leather wallet in lost and found? A guy says he left it yesterday.”

Kurt stands up. “Yeah. I saw the ID, let me come look at the guy.”

Kurt grabs the wallet from the bin and heads out to the counter. Waiting by the espresso machine he sees a short, dark-haired man in a fitted jacket, who he immediately recognizes as the owner of the drivers license he’d looked at yesterday.

“Hello, sir,” he greets the man. “I hear you’re looking for something you lost?”

The man smiles, and Kurt is struck by his honey-brown eyes. “That’s right,” he replies. “My name’s Blaine Anderson, if you want to check the ID.”

Kurt leans against the counter, intrigued by this man. “And how do I know you’re not Blaine Anderson’s evil twin, here to steal his identity?”

The man looks surprised for a moment, and then smiles widely. “I guess you’d have to ask me something only the real Blaine Anderson would know.”

“Okay,” Kurt says. “What’s something your evil twin wouldn’t know?”

Blaine tilts his head. “I didn’t expect getting my wallet back would be this involved.”

Kurt shrugs. “I take my customers’ privacy very seriously. Don’t want to get the reputation that we’re letting evil twins get away with identity theft.”

Blaine laughs. “Okay, how about this - in the wallet, there should be a receipt from two days ago for Soundcheck Music Store.”

Kurt takes the wallet out of his apron pocket, opens it up, and finds the receipt tucked next to the bills. “I guess that proves it,” he says, putting the receipt back and handing the wallet to Blaine. “It’s a gorgeous wallet, by the way. I’ve never seen one like it.”

“Thank you,” Blaine says, taking the wallet. “My friend made it. She sells them online, and at craft fairs and things.” He slides it into his jacket pocket. “You know, I admire your dedication to not giving away lost wallets to anyone who walks in.”

“Why, thank you,” Kurt replies.

“But I hardly think it’s fair,” Blaine goes on, “that you got to snoop through my wallet, and learn something only the real Blaine Anderson would know, when I know nothing about you.”

Kurt raises an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yeah,” Blaine says, grinning. “Maybe I could get to know you better.”

Kurt feels himself blushing, and tries to play it cool. “Well, I could give you my phone number. If only so you could send me a link to your friend’s store.”

“Of course,” Blaine says, taking a cell phone out of his pocket. “It’s the least I could do.”

When Rachel comes back to their apartment that evening, Kurt is lounging on the couch with his laptop balanced on his stomach.

“I’m considering making an irresponsible purchase,” he tells her.

“What?” She asks, coming over and leaning in to see his computer screen, the tips of her hair brushing his cheek. “A messenger bag?”

“Yeah,” Kurt says, flipping through the photos of it. “It costs a hundred and twenty bucks.”

Rachel scoffs. “Yeah, that is irresponsible.”

“It’s handmade,” Kurt calls as she walks towards her room. “From locally-sourced leather. This price is a steal for that kind of craftsmanship!”

Rachel shuts her door, ending the conversation.

Kurt continues to admire the bag, and look at other items for sale on the website that Blaine had texted him about, only an hour after they’d met at the coffee shop. The wallets, like Blaine’s, seem to be the focus of the store, but there are plenty of other items Kurt is interested in, if only he had the money.

His phone buzzes, and he picks it up to see a text from Sebastian.

Did work suck?

Kurt rolls his eyes.

The headache sucked. Work was surprisingly rewarding.

Oh?

Met a guy. Gave him my number. He texted me.

Hummel, you’re hitting on customers now?

Don’t know why I haven’t been all along.

Kurt pulls up the link to the messenger bag on his phone and copies it into a text.

Also, you know how my birthday is next month…?

You’re shameless , Sebastian replies.

That’s rich, coming from you.

Rich and shameless are my middle names.

Kurt doesn’t deign this with a response, but another text comes through after a minute.

Wanna come over? I’m bored. We could go out, or just hang at mine.

Kurt smiles.

Yeah, on my way.

Blaine asks Kurt to dinner, at a Japanese restaurant. When Kurt arrives, Blaine is waiting for him, wearing a suit jacket. His wavy hair is slicked back. Debonair is the word that comes to Kurt’s mind.

He learns, over sushi and tempura, that Blaine is twenty-seven, that he’s from just outside Columbus, that he has one older brother, that he’s a grad student, that he teaches guitar and piano lessons. Kurt, in turn, reveals that he is twenty-eight, from Lima, an only child, manages a gourmet coffee shop, never finished college.

They finish eating, lingering at the table, Blaine resting his chin on his hand and staring at Kurt. “What makes you happy?” he asks, a smile on his lips.

Kurt hesitates, his breath catching at the question, at the existential emptiness it conjures in him. Then he coyly meets Blaine’s gaze. “This, right now.”

Chapter Text

On Saturday afternoon, Kurt texts Sebastian, I invited Blaine out tonight. I’m picking him up so we’ll just meet you there.

Sebastian’s reply comes quickly: So this means you won’t be coming home with me?

Not unless things go very wrong , Kurt answers.

What’s the point of going out if you already have someone to go home with? Sebastian asks.

Kurt rolls his eyes as he types a reply. 1. The club will still be fun, 2. I want him to meet my asshole best friend, 3. We haven’t actually slept together yet.

A few minutes pass before Sebastian texts back. What? How many dates have you been on??

This will be our third, Kurt types.

And he hasn’t put out? Does this guy actually like you?

Kurt doesn’t take the bait, setting his phone down and focusing on cleaning the apartment. Rachel has once again left unwashed dishes all over the counter, and he’s annoyed enough that he just wants them clean instead of waiting for her to get home from work and nagging her.

As he washes dishes, though, he turns over Sebastian’s comment in his mind. Blaine is kind, and smart, and handsome, and their conversations have been engaging and fun. But this whole thing is also uncharted territory for Kurt. Most of his relationships, short-lived as they may have been, have started with sex, and then evolved to dates and hanging out outside of clubs. Meeting someone in normal life and going on typical dates and seeing each other numerous times before they’ve been undressed together is new and mildly unnerving.

“Ah,” Blaine says as Kurt finds an excellent parking spot on the street.

“What?” Kurt asks, turning off the engine.

Blaine is looking out the windshield to the neon lights of the clubs and bars lining the street. “This isn’t what I expected when you invited me out for drinks,” he says. “But now I understand why we’re starting so late.”

Kurt raises an eyebrow. On a Saturday night, there is no such thing as ‘late.’ “Is this okay?” he asks.

“Sure,” Blaine replies, and unbuckles.

They walk close, but not touching, to the entrance of Babylon. Once they duck inside and are surrounded by people, Blaine grabs Kurt’s hand. “Don’t want to lose you,” he says, his breath on Kurt’s ear.

Kurt shivers, and leads them between moving bodies to grab a table. He leaves Blaine there to get them drinks, and when he returns, Blaine has removed his jacket, and is looking around the room with a detached expression.

“Here,” Kurt says, setting Blaine’s dark and stormy in front of him. “Cheers!”

Blaine lifts the glass, and clinks it against Kurt’s martini with a smile. He adjusts his chair so he’s closer to Kurt.

“I haven’t been to this kind of place in a long time,” he says, leaning in to Kurt’s ear.

“Really?” Kurt asks.

“Yeah,” Blaine says. “I mean...when I first turned twenty-one, I was in this neighborhood all the time. It was...intoxicating, in more ways than one. But it got old after a while.”

“Huh,” Kurt replies, taking a sip of his drink. He thinks for a moment before speaking again. “When I got here from Lima, when Sebastian first took me out, it was...like a whole new world. It still feels like that, on good nights.”

As if summoned by his name, that’s when Sebastian appears, a drink in hand. He leans his elbows on the table and says, “Kurt! Hey, is this guy bothering you?”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Blaine, this is Sebastian. Sebastian, Blaine.”

Blaine extends his hand. “Nice to meet you.”

Sebastian sets down his glass and takes Blaine’s hand, but instead of shaking it he twists it and intertwines their fingers. “So formal,” he comments. He gives Blaine’s hand a squeeze before letting go. “The pleasure is mine.”

Blaine tilts his head and watches as Sebastian picks his drink back up. “So,” Seb says, “I’ve heard a lot about you. Kurt tells me you want to teach music to impoverished children.”

Blaine meets his gaze. “That’s not how I would phrase it, but sure.”

Sebastian grins. “How very noble of you.”

“Also not how I would put it.”

Sebastian sizes Blaine up. “How long have you lived in Columbus?”

“Nine years,” Blaine replies.

“Huh, almost as long as me.” Sebastian says. “I’m surprised I’ve never seen you around.”

Blaine shrugs. “It’s a decent-sized city. We must not hang out in the same places.”

Above the sound of music and conversation, they hear someone shout, “Sebastian!”

Seb glances over his shoulder, and then turns back to grin at Kurt and Blaine. “I ran into Nick earlier,” he says. “Guess he’s missing me. I’ll see you later, yeah?”

He downs the rest of his drink, Adam’s apple bobbing, and then heads for the mass of dancing bodies.

Kurt turns to Blaine. “I’m sorry about him.”

Blaine laughs. “Don’t worry.”

“No, really,” Kurt insists. “He can be a jerk, especially around new people, but…I’ve known him since we were kids. He isn’t always that way. He doesn’t mean that stuff.”

Blaine puts his arm around Kurt’s shoulders. “Seriously, don’t worry,” he says, close to Kurt’s ear. “I went to an all-boy’s private school, I’m familiar with guys like him.”

After taking a sip of his drink, Blaine asks, “so you guys come to this place a lot?”

Kurt shrugs. “This place, and others. It’s usually what Seb and I do on weekends.”

They stay like that, Kurt pressed against Blaine’s side, as they sip their drinks and watch the chaos of the club around them. As Kurt finishes his martini, he sees Sebastian among the dancers. Their eyes catch each other, and Sebastian raises an eyebrow, a wordless invitation.

“Do you want to dance?” Blaine asks, breath hot on Kurt’s cheek.

“Only if you want to,” Kurt says.

Blaine stands, holding out his hand to Kurt. “We’re here,” he says with a wry smile. “We might as well dance.”

So they join Sebastian, and Nick, and a few other familiar faces, and they dance. Even though Kurt’s the one who’s driving, Blaine doesn’t have anything else to drink - even when Sebastian forces a tequila shot into his hand, he rolls his eyes and hands it off to Nick. Kurt tries to enjoy himself, but also constantly observes Blaine to make sure he’s having fun.

Around midnight, Blaine asks if he wants to leave - his tone casual, not seeming to push either way. Kurt kisses his cheek and says they should go.

When Kurt parks in front of Blaine’s building, they lean over the gearshift to kiss goodnight, but Blaine doesn’t pull away. Kurt brings his hand up to Blaine’s jaw, deepening the kiss. When they finally pause to take a breath, Blaine says, “You can come in, if you’d like.”

Kurt runs his fingers through the hair at the nape of Blaine’s neck and says, “I’d like that very much.”

When Kurt enters the apartment the next morning, Rachel is lying on the couch in her pajamas, eating cereal and watching TV.

“Hello, Walk of Shame,” she greets him as he heads for his room.

“Good morning, Rachel,” he replies briskly.

“Give me details!” she cries out. “Did you have fun?”

Kurt pauses only when he’s reached his bedroom door. He glances back at her and coyly says, “Yes, it was fun,” and then shuts the door behind him.

“Yay!” he hears her shout.

Once he’s showered, and gotten dressed, and come out to make himself coffee, Rachel begins to pester him again.

“What happened? How was the club? Did you sleep at his place? Tell me everything!”

“I will not tell you everything,” Kurt says as he slowly pours water over his coffee grounds. “We need more boundaries in this friendship.”

“Well tell me something .”

Kurt smiles slightly. “He has his own apartment. Not too big, but really nice. It felt homey, you know? And he had like, twelve musical instruments.”

Rachel raises an eyebrow. “Twelve?”

“I think so. A piano, and a keyboard, a violin, multiple guitars, some other stringed thing I didn’t even recognize…”

Rachel waves her hand dismissively. “Okay, so he’s very musical, you knew that. How was the sex?”

“Again, boundaries,” Kurt says, picking up his mug of freshly-brewed coffee and inhaling its warm scent. “But it was great.”

Rachel claps her hands, which Kurt tries to ignore. “Oh, shut up,” she says, seeing his expression. “I’m just happy for you, okay? Blaine seems like a really nice guy, and you’re like, actually dating him. You can’t tell me this isn’t exciting.”

“It’s exciting,” Kurt agrees. “But we’ve only been out a couple of times. You don’t need to overreact.”

“You don’t need to underreact,” she insists. “What you need to do is invite him over here so I can actually talk to him.”

“That will definitely end the relationship,” Kurt replies, heading back to his room with his mug.

“Kurt,” Rachel whines behind him. “Please?”

“Maybe,” he replies. “Only if you’re on your best behavior.”

“You’ve never been to Nina’s?” Rachel asks incredulously over dinner.

“No,” Blaine replies. “I’ve never heard of it.”

“It’s the best diner in Columbus,” Rachel insists. “How long have you lived here?”

Blaine laughs. “Nearly a decade, but apparently I have a lot to learn still.”

Kurt refills his wine glass. It’s the first time Blaine has been inside his apartment. He’d told Blaine that Rachel wanted to meet him, and that she was ‘a lot.’ Instead of scaring him off, though, Blaine had only expressed enthusiasm for having dinner at their place.

“Did you move here for school?” Rachel asks.

“Yeah,” Blaine says, leaning back in his chair. “I went to OSU for undergrad.”

“And now you’re in grad school?” Rachel asks. “God, Kurt, he’s smart.”

“I don’t know about that,” Blaine says.

“Well, I dropped out of college when I got my first role,” Rachel explains. “I was sure it was the start of my meteoric rise to Broadway, yet here I still am.”

“Well if you want to know my shameful college experience,” Blaine replies, “I actually got my bachelor’s degree in finance.”

Kurt glances at Blaine. “You hadn’t told me that.”

Blaine shrugs, sheepish. “Yeah, well. I only studied it because my parents pressured me to. Then I spent a couple years working at an investment firm, but it just made me miserable. So I decided to make a career change.”

“Wow,” Kurt says. “That’s…very admirable.”

“Not really,” Blaine replies. “I just finally got my head out of my ass and did something I actually wanted, instead of just listening to other people.”

Rachel speaks up. “That’s what impressed me so much about Kurt when we first moved in together. He’d moved to Columbus without having school or a job lined up. He just came here, took that leap of faith, confident he’d figure it out.”

“I wouldn’t say I was confident,” Kurt protests. “More like desperate.”

“Or maybe brave,” Blaine says, smiling at him.

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Fine, then, if you must compliment me.”

Chapter Text

On the Friday before Kurt’s birthday, Blaine shows up with a large gift bag and a bouquet of flowers.

“I know you’ll get presents at the party,” he says when Kurt lets him into the apartment, “but I was hoping you could open mine before.”

“I think I can indulge that hope,” Kurt says, smiling. He kisses Blaine, takes the flowers, and finds a vase for them. They both sit on the couch, and Blaine hands over the gift.

Kurt removes the tissue paper and reaches into the bag, his fingers brushing against smooth leather. He pulls out a light brown messenger bag made of braided leather.

“Oh my god,” Kurt says as he looks at the bag.

“I hope you actually liked my wallet, and that wasn’t just a line,” Blaine says. “But I noticed you using other bags this size, and I thought…”

“No, I mean, I love it,” Kurt replies, turning the bag over in his hands. “I was looking at this on her website. I just -“ he glances up at Blaine. “I know how much this cost. This is too much.”

Blaine laughs. “It isn’t.”

“It is,” Kurt insists. “We’ve only been dating a month and a half, I…This is so sweet, but you shouldn’t have gotten me this.”

Blaine stares at him, his smile fading. “What do you mean? It’s your birthday.”

“Yeah,” Kurt says, running his hand over the smooth surface of the bag, “but this present is...it’s so thoughtful, and kind, and I love that, but you shouldn’t have spent this much on me.”

Blaine stands and steps away from the couch. After a strained, silent moment, he turns back towards Kurt and takes a deep breath. “Well maybe we’ve only been dating for a while, and maybe it’s a pricey gift, but have you considered that I’m willing to spend this much on you because I really like you? Because, maybe, I’m willing to invest in you - in our future?”

Kurt’s breath catches in his throat. “Blaine, I - “ he pauses, calming himself. “I’m sorry. That’s...thank you. I’m sorry. I don’t know what to say.”

Blaine joins him on the couch again, bringing one of Kurt’s hands between his own. “I wouldn’t have gotten you a gift that I didn’t want to get you, or that you didn’t deserve. I care about you. The gift is just another way to show that.”

Kurt smiles, and then wraps his arms around Blaine, pulling him close. “Thank you,” he says into the crook of Blaine’s neck. “I love it, I really do.”

Blaine exhales. “Good, I’m glad.” They pull apart, and Blaine grins. “Ready for your party?”

When they enter Sebastian’s apartment, a room full of people shout in excitement, and a few confetti poppers go off, smoke mixing with the scent of cologne and alcohol.

“Welcome to the party, birthday boy!” Sebastian says, stepping forward and pressing a daiquiri into Kurt’s hand.

“Thanks, Seb,” Kurt replies, pressing a kiss to his friend’s cheek.

Then there’s Rachel, and Nick, and friends from clubs and theater and old roommates, and Kurt is introducing Blaine to his various friends and acquaintances. They play drinking games and sing karaoke and dance to music from Sebastian’s impressive stereo system.

Eventually there’s a cake from Kurt’s favorite Italian bakery, crammed with twenty-nine candles, which Kurt gamely takes on, extinguishing in only three blows. Then Kurt sits on the kitchen island and opens presents.

Sebastian hands him a simple, elegant silver bag with black tissue paper. Kurt pulls out the tissue and sees the present inside. He gasps, and brings a hand up to cover his mouth.

“Sebastian,” he says. “Oh my god, oh no.”

“Love that reaction,” Sebastian quips.

Kurt pulls out the leather messenger bag. It’s not identical to the one Blaine got him - this one is slightly larger, and a darker color - but it’s clearly from the same seller. Kurt meets Blaine’s eyes, and sees his sympathetic smile.

“Thank you, Seb,” Kurt says. “I just - I can’t believe this, but Blaine got me a bag just like this.”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “Well, great minds think alike,” he says easily. He sips his drink, then adds, “why don’t you look inside of it, though?”

Kurt tilts his head, noting the mischievous glint in Sebastian’s eyes. He opens the leather bag, and sees a couple of small, rectangular slips of paper inside. He pulls them out, reading the words printed on them, and his face lights up.

“No way!” he exclaims, looking up at Sebastian. “I just saw a flyer for this show. And these are incredible seats!”

Sebastian shrugs, his mouth quirked. “I figured you’d like them.”

Kurt hops off the island and hugs Sebastian. “Oh my god, I’m so excited!”

Rachel snatches the tickets from Kurt’s hand to read them, and others crowd around her. Amidst the chatter, Blaine asks, “what show?”

“The Merchant of Venice,” Sebastian says, one arm still around Kurt’s shoulders.

“It’s one of my favorite Shakespeare plays,” Kurt explains.

“And the lead actor is very hot,” Sebastian adds.

“Hmm,” Blaine hums in vague acknowledgement.

Kurt gets the tickets back from Rachel, and the present-opening continues.

Just as Kurt finishes, sitting surrounded by gifts and discarded wrapping paper, the doorbell buzzes.

“Huh,” Sebastian says loudly, “wonder who that could be?”

Kurt watches as he heads for the front door. “Smythe, what did you do?”

Kurt feels Blaine’s hand on the small of his back. Sebastian opens the door and there, framed by the doorway, is Burt Hummel.

“Dad!” Kurt exclaims, moving away from Blaine and rushing to the door. He passes Sebastian and throws his arms around his father.

“Happy birthday, kiddo,” Burt says.

“What’re you doing here?” Kurt asks, pulling back from his father’s tight embrace.

“Celebrating you, of course,” Burt says. “Sebastian invited me.”

Kurt glances back at Sebastian, who’s wearing a self-satisfied grin.

“Thanks, Seb,” he says.

Sebastian shrugs. “No problem,” he replies easily. “Come on in, Burt. Can I get you a beer?”

Burt is sitting on Sebastian’s leather couch, sipping on a beer bottle, when Sebastian settles in next to him.

“Enjoying the party?” Sebastian asks.

Burt chuckles. “Sure,” he says. “Not exactly my kind of party, but I knew what I was signing up for when you called me.”

The action had moved mostly into the kitchen, where a large game of flip cup is taking place.

“How’s he doing?” Burt asks.

Sebastian glances towards the kitchen doorway, through which he can see Kurt playing the game. “He’s fine,” Sebastian answers. “You know, he’s Kurt.”

Burt clears his throat. “He introduced me to Blaine,” he says. “They seem...pretty serious.”

Sebastian shrugs. “Yeah, Blaine. They’ve been dating for over a month. He’s definitely boyfriend material.”

“Boyfriend material,” Burt repeats. “What does that mean?”

Sebastian shifts, leaning further back against the couch. “It means that he keeps showing up. He’s just...always around. And he’s trying real hard to impress Kurt, even when his attempts are misguided.”

They’re quiet for a moment, listening to the music and the shouting from the other room. “Those are good things, right?” Burt asks.

Sebastian smirks. “Yeah, sure. Whatever makes Kurt happy.”

“Whatever makes him happy,” Burt agrees. “Do you like Blaine?”

“Doesn’t matter what I think,” Sebastian says, “if he makes Kurt happy.”

Burt claps a hand on Sebastian’s shoulder, and Sebastian doesn’t meet his gaze. Instead, he looks towards the kitchen again, and sees Kurt is heading their way.

“Dad,” Kurt says, perching unsteadily on the arm of the couch. “Do you need to stay with me and Rachel?”

“No, Sebastian got me a hotel room,” Burt replies. “But I’ll be here all day tomorrow, so if you’re not too hungover we can get brunch.”

“Yes!” Kurt exclaims. “And I know it’s past your bedtime, you don’t have to stay.”

“Thanks, kid,” Burt says. “Go enjoy your party. You too, Sebastian.”

Kurt stands and holds his arm out to Sebastian. His hair, so carefully coiffed at the start of the evening, has become handsomely disheveled through drinking and dancing and letting loose. Sebastian rolls his eyes and stands, intertwining his arm with Kurt’s and letting him lead them to the kitchen.

Chapter Text

When Blaine is over for dinner one night, Kurt makes a reference to When Harry Met Sally, and Blaine doesn’t understand it.

“You haven’t seen When Harry Met Sally?”

“I have not,” Blaine replies.

Kurt shakes his head, disapproving. “Well, that’s what we’re doing tonight.”

After they’ve finished eating and have washed all the dishes, Kurt starts the movie and they lie on the couch, Blaine’s head resting on Kurt’s chest.

Twenty minutes later, the lock on the apartment door turns. Kurt and Blaine both stare at the door.

“Rachel - “ Blaine starts.

“Still in her room,” Kurt interrupts.

The door swings open, and Sebastian stumbles into the room.

Kurt exhales. “Oh, my god. Seb, what the hell are you doing?”

Sebastian shuts the door behind him, and examines the two men lying on the couch. “In the neighborhood,” he mumbles. “Didn’t realize it was date night.”

Sebastian is still wearing his work clothes, but they look considerably rumpled. “Are you drunk?” Kurt asks.

Sebastian smiles. “Lucky guess.” He steps towards them and drops into an armchair, then glances at the television. “Ooh, I remember this one. Has Carrie Fisher shown up yet?”

Kurt sits up slightly, and Blaine adjusts so he can do so. “Seriously, Sebastian, why are you in my apartment?”

Sebastian shrugs. “You, know, I was out with people, and then they went their separate ways. I was still all keyed up and I didn’t just want to go home and do nothing, so I figured I’d drop by and see what you were up to.”

“Well,” Kurt says firmly. “I’m busy .”

“I know, I know,” Sebastian says, holding his hands up defensively. “You won’t even notice I’m here.”

Kurt turns to Blaine. “I’m sorry,” he whispers.

“Not your fault,” Blaine replies.

Kurt disentangles himself from Blaine and stands up. He grabs Sebastian’s collar and hauls him out of the chair, guiding him back to the front door.

Sebastian seems entirely unperturbed by this. “Your apartment is so cozy,” he says easily as Kurt drags him along. “It reminds me of like, college, you know? Student housing.”

“No,” Kurt replies shortly. “I don’t.”

They reach the door, which Kurt starts to open. “Are you really gonna kick me out during the movie?” he asks. “It’s not fair that I don’t get to see them get together at the end.”

From behind Kurt, the door to Rachel’s room opens, and she pokes her head out. “Is Sebastian here?” she asks groggily.

“No!” Kurt shouts, pushing Sebastian out into the hall.

The apartment door shuts behind them, and Kurt lets go of Sebastian’s shirt, the collar wrinkled where he held it in his fist. Sebastian pouts. “Really, Kurt? You get a new boyfriend and now you have no time for me?”

“You’re pissing me off, Smythe. Don’t push it.”

Sebastian laughs. “I’ll pick you up for the play on Friday at seven.”

Kurt glares at him, but Sebastian is unaffected. “You love Merchant of Venice, I know you won’t bail. Have fun with Blaine.” 

With that, he turns and heads down the hallway. Kurt takes a deep breath, and goes back inside. Rachel has disappeared back into her room. Blaine watches him with a slight smile as he returns to the couch.

“I am really sorry about that,” Kurt says, leaning against Blaine.

“Why’s he have a key?” Blaine asks, his tone mild.

Kurt shrugs. “He’s my best friend. I have a key to his place.”

“Does he show up out of the blue often?”

“No,” Kurt says, and then pauses to think about this. “Well, he doesn’t have to. We usually just spend a lot of time together, anyway.”

“Hmm,” Blaine replies.

Kurt sits up to meet Blaine’s eyes. “But tonight is about us . Do you want to finish the movie?”

Blaine exhales, and then smiles. “Sure, let’s finish it.”

The Merchant of Venice is excellent, as Kurt knew it would be. He’s read it multiple times and seen several productions, but this one is particularly captivating. Maybe it’s just that their seats are so good, so he can see the actors’ emotions written so clearly on their faces, can hear their voices and observe their movements so well. Ever since he first read the play in high school, he’s been fascinated by the way the characters use money to symbolize affection. Antonio loves Bassanio so deeply, but can only express his affection by continuing to loan him money and pay for his lavish lifestyle. Even though Bassanio seems incapable of returning this strong affection, Antonio is willing to lay his life on the line for their friendship - or, as Kurt likes to interpret, for his romantic love.

And, as promised, the actors are rather attractive. “I’d give a pound of flesh to fuck Bassanio,” Sebastian whispers to Kurt during the first act, his breath tickling Kurt’s skin.

Kurt doesn’t like to talk during a performance, but under his breath he replies, “Antonio shouldn’t have to, he’s a catch.”

After the show, they walk down the street to a bar. They sit in a corner and Sebastian orders martinis for them both. It’s a nice bar, with tablecloths and muted background music, and both Sebastian and Kurt are wearing suit jackets.

“A lot fancier than our normal routine,” Kurt notes.

Sebastian smiles. “You want me to wine and dine you more often?”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “I wouldn’t object to being a little more high-class.”

“High class isn’t nearly as fun,” Sebastian insists. He sips his martini, and Kurt thinks he looks like a rakish Bond character.

“You have a warped definition of ‘fun,’ Smythe,” Kurt replies. “Like, getting drunk on a Wednesday night and crashing my date.”

Sebastian grins. “Yeah, a totally fun night. Would’ve been more fun if you’d let me stay.”

Kurt meets his gaze. “Just text me first next time, okay? Contrary to your belief, sometimes I’d like to be alone with my boyfriend.”

“Ooh, the B word,” Sebastian teases. “Have you had that conversation?”

Kurt blushes, staring down at his glass. “Not really. Blaine just started using it, so I did too.”

“Blaine the boyfriend,” Sebastian says. “Fine, I’ll call ahead next time. But you’ll see it’s always more fun when I’m around.”

A waitress in a starched white button-up places a deep blue espresso cup in front of Kurt, and a glass bowl of gelato in front of Blaine. They thank her and she retreats, leaving them to their desserts. Blaine holds up his bowl and Kurt, smirking, taps his cup against it. “Cheers.”

Kurt takes a sip, and Blaine just watches him, a soft smile on his face. “How is it?” he asks after Kurt places the cup back on its saucer.

“It’s good,” Kurt says, evaluating the warm, bitter aftertaste in his throat. “Not burnt. Good temperature. Not the best I’ve had, but they’ve done their homework.”

Blaine laughs. “I’ve never known someone who’s so picky about coffee,” he says, picking up his spoon to dig into the gelato.

Kurt shrugs. “It’s my job to be a coffee snob,” he says.

“Have you always loved coffee?” Blaine asks. “Was this a life-long passion?”

Kurt rolls his eyes and sips his espresso again before answering. “No. I mean, I started drinking it as a sixteen-year-old, as a means of caffeine conveyance. But I took that job at the bistro because I was broke and had no job experience. Then I just...worked my way up.”

“Well, you’ll have to teach me,” Blaine tells him. “I don’t have your discerning palette yet.”

They’re finishing up as the waitress returns with the check.

“God, the Italians have the right idea,” Kurt says as she clears their dishes. “Espresso is the perfect way to end a meal.”

“I can’t do it after dinner,” Blaine replies as he picks up the black check folder. “It’ll keep me up. And I’m sure you’re ethically opposed to decaf.”

“No, I mean, it has its place,” Kurt says, watching Blaine pull his wallet out of his pocket. “Hey, no, you paid last time we went out. It’s my turn.”

Blaine ignores this, sticking a credit card in the folder. “It’s fine,” he insists. “I got this.”

“That’s not fair,” Kurt says, holding his hand out for the check. “Let me pay.”

Blane meets his eyes, but doesn’t hand over the folder. “Kurt, it’s an expensive dinner. And I asked you out tonight.”

“But I picked the restaurant,” Kurt argues. “I knew it wasn’t cheap, and I knew it was my turn to pick up the tab.”

Blaine purses his lips, then takes a deep breath. “If I ask you something, will you promise not to get mad?”

Kurt raises an eyebrow. “I can promise to try not to be mad.”

Blaine smiles slightly, then says, “I know you let Sebastian pay for things for you.”

Kurt scoffs. “That’s different, okay? He earns an absurd amount of money, and we’re old friends - we’ve been friends so long we can’t keep track of that kind of thing. But you are my boyfriend, and you’re a music teacher and a student. You don’t have to buy everything for me.”

“I have a lot of savings, though,” Blaine counters. “And I want to treat you, because you’re my boyfriend.”

“You do treat me sometimes,” Kurt says, “and I love that. But you’re my boyfriend, so shouldn’t I be allowed to treat you sometimes, too?”

They stare at each other for a moment, and then Blaine sighs. “Fine,” he says, putting his credit card back in his wallet. “You make a good point.”

“Of course,” Kurt replies, picking up the check. “That’s why you like me.”

Chapter Text

For Nick’s birthday, they bar-hop at their favorite places. It is not a party so much as a continuous parade of celebrators, people coming and joining in, leaving and being replaced by others. 

Kurt brings Blaine along, and he realizes as they arrive at the third club that he has never been this drunk around his boyfriend. They’ll often have wine with dinner, or go out for a cocktail now and again, but they don’t go out in the way that Kurt typically did before this relationship. Kurt’s alcohol consumption has gone down considerably over the past few months. Even at his birthday party, he didn’t get too wasted.

A Madonna song comes on in the club, and Nick grabs Kurt’s arm to pull him towards the dance floor. He beckons Blaine as well, but Blaine shakes his head with a smile and mouths, “go ahead.” Kurt laughs, and lets Nick guide him into the mass of dancers, singing along loudly.

Blaine leans on a railing, watching for glimpses of Kurt between the other dancing bodies. He stifles a yawn - it’s been a long time since he’s been out this late, and he knows the party won’t stop any time soon. 

Suddenly, Sebastian is standing at his shoulder. He’s holding a drink, and he’s wearing a loose tank top that’s not suited to the temperature outside.

“Enjoying yourself?” Sebastian asks over the music.

Blaine shrugs. “Sure.”

Sebastian sips his drink. “Not up to your standards?”

Blaine glances at him. “No, just not really my scene.”

“Right,” Sebastian replies with a smirk. “Look, if you wanna head out, don’t feel bad. I’ll make sure Kurt gets home safe. Or gets somewhere safe, at least.”

Blaine turns so that he’s facing Sebastian, and his expression is taut. “Clearly you’re used to playing games, Sebastian, but I’m not interested in that. I’m not intimidated by you.”

Sebastian raises an eyebrow. “I’m not sure what you’re referring to.”

Blaine rolls his eyes. “I know I’m new to this whole situation, but I’m not an idiot. If you have feelings for Kurt, tell him. He deserves to know. But messing with him, trying to undermine me - it’s childish. You don’t have any kind of claim on him just because of whatever history you have.”

Sebastian stares at Blaine, neither of them speaking. Then Sebastian lifts his glass to his lips and drains the rest of the liquid before setting it down, hard, on the railing.

“You are new here, Blaine ,” Sebastian spits out. “And if you think you can show up and tell me what the fuck to do, I cannot convey how goddamn wrong you are.”

With that Sebastian walks away.

Kurt has reached that glorious level of drunkenness where everything is sensation. Everything is feeling , not thought - the music, the lights, the movement of his body and the bodies around him.

He feels an arm snake around his waist, and turns to see that Sebastian has appeared next to him. Kurt meets his eyes and grins. Sebastian keeps his hand resting lightly on Kurt’s hip, keeping them connected as they dance. In this drunken state, moving their bodies together comes easily to Kurt - he sways without thinking, moves his arms without overanalyzing, throws his head back with careless bliss.

Sebastian moves even closer to him, his mouth brushing Kurt’s ear, and says, “god, you look great tonight. It’s too bad you have a boyfriend...you think you could forget about him, just for one night?”

Kurt laughs. “Does that line usually work for you, Smythe?”

Kurt can feel Sebastian’s jaw shift as he speaks. “It always does - don’t make me break my streak, Hummel.”

Kurt spins away from Sebastian’s embrace so that they’re facing each other, and he teasingly sticks his tongue out at Seb.

Nick is there again, then, and they all dance together, close and hot and fluid. Kurt can feel the sweat seeping into his clothes and his hair, but he’s having too good of a time to care.

Sebastian pulls Kurt close again and says, “let’s get another drink. My treat.”

Kurt nods, and follows Sebastian to the bar. While Sebastian orders, Kurt looks around the club, but can’t spot Blaine anywhere. 

When he turns back, the bartender is setting down a tray with two shots of golden liquid, two wedges of lime, and a small salt shaker.

“Seriously?” Kurt asks.

Sebastian holds up the salt. “Seriously.”

Rolling his eyes, Kurt licks the back of his hand and holds it out to Sebastian, who shakes a generous amount of salt onto his damp skin. He puts down the salt and hands Kurt a shot glass and a lime wedge. Kurt licks salt from his hand, downs the tequila, and bites the lime. He shivers at the intense combination of sour citrus and sharp alcohol.

Before he can realize what’s happening, Sebastian grabs his hand and pulls it towards his mouth. Sebastian licks the remaining salt from Kurt’s skin before taking his own shot. Kurt lets out a shocked laugh as Sebastian lets go of him to pick up the other lime. He can still feel the heat of Sebastian’s tongue on his flesh.

“What was that ?” Kurt asks. He and Sebastian have never had many boundaries, but still, this is a lot.

Sebastian shrugs. “Is something wrong?”

Kurt scoffs. “No, I just -”

Sebastian’s eyes flick away from him for a moment, focusing on something behind Kurt. Then, before Kurt can remember what he was going to say, Sebastian reaches up to his face.

“You have some lime,” Sebastian says, stepping closer and brushing Kurt’s lips with his fingers.

“Oh,” Kurt breathes out. “Thanks. Well-”

And then Sebastian is even closer, their faces nearly touching, and he’s cupping Kurt’s cheek, and bringing their lips together - 

Kurt steps back and sputters, nearly tripping over a bar stool. “Seb, what is going on with you tonight?”

Sebastian’s hand slides off Kurt’s jaw, so they’re no longer touching, and Kurt cannot at all read Seb’s expression. They’ve always been touchy and affectionate with each other, they kiss each other on the cheek, but this - this was something different, and Kurt cannot comprehend what it means.

Then Blaine is at his shoulder, having appeared out of the crowd from behind him.

“Hey, Kurt,” Blaine says, his expression concerned. “Are you okay?”

“Oh, fuck off, Anderson,” Sebastian says.

Kurt stares at his friend. “What is wrong with you, Seb? Why are you acting like this?”

“I’m not acting like anything,” Sebastian says, raising his voice. “I’m just tired of your goody-two-shoes boyfriend here showing up and ruining our fun.” 

Kurt steps closer to Blaine, reaching for his hand. “He’s not ruining anything, okay? And if you don’t want to be around him, then you won’t be around me, either.”

Kurt twines his fingers with Blaines’, and Sebastian scoffs. “I used to know you, Kurt,” he says darkly, his voice a growl. “I can’t believe this is what you actually want - a small life with a boring guy. What’s the point of you if you’re just going to settle down with the first guy who you manage to keep around for more than a month? He’s only so interested in you because he’s even more boring than you are. Well, enjoy your miserable little world together.” Sebastian steps away from the bar, and then gestures widely at the club around them. “My world is huge, and guys like you are a dime a dozen. It won’t be hard to replace you.”

Kurt feels the words like they’re a physical blow to his chest. He watches open-mouthed as Sebastian turns away from him and returns to the dance floor. Through the crowd, Kurt can see Sebastian reach Nick, and they dance close together. Then, with a final glance back at Kurt first, Sebastian pulls Nick into a kiss.

“Hey, Kurt,” Blaine says, squeezing his hand.

Kurt unclenches his jaw. “Let’s get out of here,” he says. Blaine disentangles their fingers and puts his hand on Kurt’s back, and Kurt focuses on this point of contact, steady and comforting, as they make their way through the crowd to the exit.

Chapter Text

When Blaine shuts the door of his apartment behind them, Kurt tugs at his collar and pulls him close. He leans down slightly so he can kiss Blaine, reaching to cup the back of his head, pulling Blaine’s bottom lip between his teeth. He is all feeling, hungry and undone. 

Blaine groans pleasantly in response, but then brings his hands up to Kurt’s chest and gently pushes them apart. “Kurt,” he says softly, “you’re upset. This isn’t what you want.”

Kurt lets his head fall onto Blaine’s shoulder, and sighs. “You’re right.” After a moment, he adds, “I don’t know what I want.”

“It’s okay,” Blaine soothes. “Sit down, I’ll get you some water.”

So Kurt collapses into Blaine’s couch, and Blaine disappears into his kitchen. 

Kurt stares at the blank television, in which he can barely discern a dark reflection of himself and the room around him. 

He and Sebastian have always teased each other, have always been biting and affectionate in equal measure. A few times they’ve gotten into genuine fights over things - but it never felt anything like this. He knows that Seb was drunk, and so was he, but he can’t fathom why Seb would say such pointed, hurtful things.

Blaine returns with water, and after Kurt has gulped down half the glass, Blaine offers him some sweats and an undershirt to change into. When he puts on the clothes, they’re soft, and they smell of Blaine. It’s not quite enough to erase his anger and pain, but it helps. He crawls into bed, and Blaine strokes his hair until he falls asleep.

Shortly before dawn, Kurt stumbles out of Blaine’s bed and into the bathroom, where he vomits. He finds ibuprofen in the medicine cabinet and chokes a couple of pills down before returning to bed. He feels dreadful, and is thankful at least that it’s the weekend, and he doesn’t have to work. 

When Blaine wakes up, he makes Kurt coffee, and toast with butter - the only breakfast Kurt wants to risk. As they eat, Blaine looks meaningfully at Kurt and asks if he wants to talk about last night. 

“No,” Kurt says, staring into the dark surface of his coffee. “Not now.”

Blaine has a couple of lessons to teach, so he leaves, and Kurt reclines on the couch. He watches TV and drinks more coffee. 

In the afternoon, Rachel calls him. 

“Hey,” she says when he picks up, “I was just checking if you were still alive.”

“Barely,” he replies. “I’m at Blaine’s. I’m very hungover.”

“I figured it was something like that,” Rachel says. “Fun night?”

Kurt drapes his arm over his face, covering his eyes in the crook of his elbow. “No, it ended up being an awful night.”

“Aww,” Rachel coos, “how come?”

Kurt rolls onto his side, balancing the phone on his cheekbone, and gives her a summary of the night. “So, long story short,” he concludes, “Seb was a dick and I’m not talking to him.”

“Yeah,” Rachel says slowly. “I’m sorry, babe. That sounds like a mess.”

“Yeah,” Kurt agrees. “And also my head hurts and I’m nauseous and I desperately need to shower but I don’t know if I can get up off of this couch.”

“Are you gonna stay at Blaine’s all day?” she asks.

“I think so,” he replies. “But I’ll see you later.”

“Okay,” she says. “Feel better, Kurt.”

The week after Nick’s birthday, Sebastian goes out every night. He’s antsy and distractible at work, hardly getting anything done. As early as is reasonable, he heads for the clubs. He runs into friends and acquaintances, gets pleasantly drunk, buys drinks for other men. He grinds on men and kisses them on the dance floor. He hooks up with them in bathroom stalls and back alleys. One night he ends up in a loft downtown with three other men, and they fuck in different configurations until he stumbles home before dawn. 

On Saturday night he finds a guy he likes sufficiently to invite back to his place, and they’re drunk and tired and comfortable enough that they end up falling asleep together. 

On Sunday morning, Sebastian is woken when a hand tenderly brushes his bare shoulder. He cracks open his eyelids and sees a figure next to him, but in the darkened room he can’t make out any features. In his boozy, sleep-confused state he can’t recall any specifics from the previous night, but a single, warm, and catastrophic thought rises in his mind. 

I hope it’s Kurt.

Sebastian jolts awake and brusquely kicks the strange man - who looked and acted nothing like Kurt - out of his apartment. When he’s locked the door behind him, he collapses back into his sheets. He’s weighed down by days of excessive alcohol and little sleep, but that pales in comparison to the misery constricting his chest. Suddenly, he is existentially tired. The whole concept of going out, of hooking up, of collecting men who are ‘a dime a dozen’ seems pointless and tiresome. He thought this was happiness - his ability to be a king in this world, to step into a gay bar and be universally loved, to be able to take home any man he wanted. But it feels hollow without Kurt by his side, admiring him and teasing him and always being there at the end of the night, regardless of what else happens. 

Just as abruptly as Seb had thrown himself into partying, he stops. The misery doesn’t go away, but it fades to a dull throb. It hums in the background of his life each day, an absence he doesn’t know how to fill.

Kurt’s time outside of work is largely filled with Blaine, now. They have dinner, go out to movies, sleep over at each other’s places. If they don’t see each other in a given day, they call or text about what they’re doing, always staying connected somehow.

Kurt is grateful, not just because Blaine is a good boyfriend and makes him happy, but also because this level of attention and busyness leaves him with little free time to think about Sebastian. But still, Seb bubbles up in his thoughts - it’s hard to go from being best friends for a decade and a half to not talking. Kurt will get the urge to text Sebastian, to tell him something funny or weird that happened to him, before he remembers that he’s angry at Seb. And then it hits him all over again - the pain, and the bizarre form of loneliness that he feels. But he pushes it down, focuses on his work, or texts Blaine instead.

When his dad calls him to chat and asks how he is, Kurt replies, “I’m good.” This is good , he thinks to himself. This is happiness. I can be okay without Sebastian. I am. “I’m really good, Dad.”

Chapter Text

Rachel is straightening her hair in front of the bathroom mirror when Kurt pokes his head into the room.

“Hey,” he says, “have you seen my white blazer?”

“No,” Rachel replies.

He watches her for a moment. “Are you sure?”

“I don’t touch your clothes, Kurt,” she says. “I learned my lesson a long time ago.”

“Hmmph,” he grunts, and returns to the living room. He’s overturning the couch pillows when Rachel finishes with her hair and comes out.

"Seriously, Kurt," she says. "What's going on?"

"It's cool enough now to wear that blazer, and I'm planning my outfit for tomorrow. I can't find it anywhere." He kneels down and looks under the couch. “We need to sweep under here,” he comments.

“Could you have left it at Blaine’s?” Rachel asks.

“No,” Kurt says. "I haven't worn it in a while. Actually I think the last time...oh, shit."

Rachel cocks her head. "What?"

Kurt gets up off the floor. "I wore it on my birthday."

"Ahh," Rachel says. "So it's probably...at Sebastian's house."

Kurt scrubs his face with his hands. "Yeah, probably."

He sits down on the couch, defeated. Rachel walks over and sits next to him.

"How are you...doing, with that?" she asks. "I can tell you've been upset, over the past few weeks."

Kurt takes a deep breath. “I’m fine,” he says. “Sebastian owes me an apology. If he ever wants to be my friend again, he can reach out to me. I’m not upset, I just need to move on.”

Rachel bites her lip. “Kurt...you are upset, and that’s okay. I’ve known you for a while, okay? I can tell when you’re not happy.”

“I am happy,” Kurt insists. “I have Blaine, and work is good, and I'm fine."

Rachel purses her lips before speaking again. "You said that, that night...he was being flirty with you, right?"

Kurt scoffs. "Yeah, but it's Sebastian. He's like that with everybody. He made out with Nick that night, too."

"Well, yeah," Rachel agrees, "but he did that after you fought, right?"

"Yeah," Kurt says.

"Well," Rachel says, and even before she speaks Kurt knows he's not going to like the direction this conversation is taking. "It seemed like he was really hitting on you, not like how you guys normally are. And then when Blaine showed up he got mad. Have you thought about... why he might have treated you that way?”

Kurt crosses his arms. “It doesn’t matter why. He did it, and there’s no excuse. He just hates Blaine.”

“Why do you think he hates Blaine?”

Kurt shrugs, impatient. “I don’t know - because he’s a nice, mature person who has his life together and is actually good for me?”

Rachel ignores his sarcastic tone. “Yeah,” she replies somberly. “I think you’re right.”

“Well, that’s bullshit,” Kurt growls. “He should be happy for me.”

“Maybe he’s not happy because he’s jealous.”

Kurt scoffs at this. “Sebastian could have any guy he wants - he’s had every guy he’s ever wanted. He has nothing to be jealous of me for, the one time I meet a good guy and it actually goes somewhere.”

“Not jealous of you,” Rachel says softly. “Jealous of Blaine.”

“For what?” Kurt asks.

“For you, Kurt,” Rachel says, rolling her eyes. “For you, you idiot.”

Kurt stares at her for a moment in silent astonishment. Finally, he sputters out, “are you saying that...Sebastian is like - are you trying to say that Seb is in - is in love with me or something? Because you understand how ridiculous that is, right?”

Rachel shrugs. “He’s not necessarily in love with you. He might just miss you as a friend. You used to spend practically all of your free time with Sebastian, remember? Maybe he misses having you all to himself, even as a friend."

Kurt shakes his head. "Well then he should have told me that, instead of just being a dick to me and Blaine."

"True," Rachel admits. "But as you've noted, he's not always the most mature person. And just maybe, he does feel more for you than friendship. I think that could cause him to act particularly immaturely."

Kurt looks at her for a moment before standing up. "That's absurd," he insists. "When did you become a psychoanalyst, anyway?"

Rachel tucks her hair behind her ear and looks up at him earnestly. “I’ve been around you both for a long time. I know you - both of you.” She holds his gaze for a moment, then adds, “Also, I’ve played a lot of very different characters, so I have a pretty strong grasp on the range of human emotion.”

Kurt groans and walks away from her, disappearing into his bedroom.

Sebastian isn’t quite sure what to expect when he opens his door, but it isn’t Rachel Berry.

“Woah,” he says, looking down at her. “How the hell did you get in here?”

“I’ve been here before, Sebastian,” she says, pushing past him and walking into his living room. “I was here for Kurt’s birthday.”

“Oh, right,” Sebastian says. Rachel has been a constant figure in Kurt’s life since he moved to Columbus, but Sebastian has rarely interacted with her one-on-one. He finds her equally abrasive and overly-cheery. She glances around his living room - which is messy, with dirty dishes and takeout trash cluttering the coffee table, discarded ties draped over furniture, the blinds shut tight to prevent any sunlight from getting in. She turns back around to face Sebastian, and he knows that he looks equally pathetic - unshaven, dark bags under his eyes, wearing only boxers and an undershirt.

“I’m gonna get right to the point,” she says, putting her hands on her hips. “Do you love Kurt?”

Sebastian groans, shuts the door to his apartment, and walks past her to slump down onto his couch.

She follows him, perching on the armrest. “Well?”

“I’m not having this conversation,” Sebastian says, pressing his hands to his face. “Definitely not with you.”

“I’m only here because I care about Kurt,” he hears Rachel say, her voice gentler. 

Sebastian relents, glancing up at her. “I do too.”

“I know,” Rachel says. “That’s why I put up with you. Now, do you love him?”

Sebastian stares at her for a moment, then breaks his gaze. He can’t say it out loud, but he can’t lie, either. His chest feels like it’s constricting, walls closing in menacingly around his heart.

Rachel sighs. “God, you men and your repressed feelings.”

“It doesn’t matter, okay?” Sebastian mumbles. “I fucked it up.”

“Yeah,” Rachel agrees, “you did. But feeling sorry for yourself won’t help anything. Kurt loves you, in one way or another. You’re his best friend. But he’s a stubborn ass, and you hurt him. He’s going to hold on to that grudge. If you want to fix things, it’s up to you. You have to offer the olive branch.”

Sebastian stares at his hands. The silence in the room stretches out, soft and uncertain. “When we were kids,” he finally says, “Like twelve, thirteen, then all the way through high school...I was over at his house all the time. I didn’t like being at home with my parents, so I just spent all my time at Kurt’s. And Burt, he was totally fine with it. It was like...not a second home, even, but the only place that felt like home.” He takes a deep breath. “So yeah, of course I love Kurt. He’s my best friend, I’ve loved him for fifteen years. It’s never been like with other boys - guys who I fell for, fast and intense and hot. And then we’d hook up, or go out a few times, and I got what I wanted from them, so I lost interest. It’s not like that with Kurt, it’s not like I fancy him. He’s just...everything to me. He always has been.”

Rachel doesn’t respond for a moment. Sebastian feels like he’s just been submerged in frigid water - somehow both painful and relieving. He looks over at Rachel, who is regarding him with a soft expression.

“Then fix it,” she says. “Tell him.”

Kurt is just getting out of the shower when his phone rings. He glances at it, sitting on the bathroom counter, and sees Sebastian’s name. His breath catches in his throat, but he doesn’t pick up the phone. He flips it over so he can’t see the screen, and waits for it to stop vibrating. He dries his hair and pulls on pajamas, and when he picks up his phone again he sees that there’s a new voicemail from Seb.

Back in his room, Kurt takes a deep breath, and then puts the phone against his ear to hear Sebastian’s message.

“Hey,” it begins. “I’m sorry to do this over the phone, but I wasn’t sure whether you’d slam the door in my face if I showed up at your apartment. Look, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I hurt you, Kurt and...and Blaine, too. I was out of line, I was a dick, and I didn’t mean what I said. I just - if there’s anything I can do to make it up to you...I just really miss you, Kurt.” At this point, his voice breaks slightly, and he pauses before continuing. “God. I can’t remember the last time we went this long without talking. I want to see you, and talk to you, and...anyway. I’m sorry. If you’re willing to talk again...you know how to reach me.”

Then there’s a beep, and the message is over.

Kurt breathes, in and out, staring at his phone. Hearing Sebastian’s voice again feels incredible, and thinking about seeing him again makes Kurt ache with excitement. But he doesn’t call back, not yet. Even though he’s been hurting over the past several weeks, his life has been...simple, and good, and nice with Blaine. As much as he wants to see Sebastian again, it also feels like asking for trouble, like introducing chaos back into his life when things have just settled down. He misses Sebastian, so much - but is he ready to face the messy reality of letting Seb back into his life?

He sets his phone down on the bedside table, deciding he’ll think it over before responding.

Chapter Text

Blaine meets Kurt at the coffee shop as his shift is ending, so they can grab lunch together.

“Rachel got a call from the landlord yesterday,” Kurt says as they walk towards a deli. “Our rent is going up when we renew our lease next month.”

Blaine glances at him. It isn’t snowing outside, but the air feels crisp and alive in a way that promises snow soon. They might not have held hands anyway - not in public, not in this neighborhood - but it’s too cold, so both of them have their hands jammed in their coat pockets. “Are you going to stay?” he asks.

Kurt sighs. “I don’t know, probably. It’s short notice to find a new place. The new rent wouldn’t be life-ruining, just inconvenient.”

They pause at an intersection, waiting for the light to change so they can cross. Blaine looks over at Kurt, bundled up in a scarf, his cheeks a pale pink in the cold.

“You could move in with me,” he says.

Kurt turns to look at him, his expression somewhere between confusion and alarm. “What?”

Blaine ducks his head. “You know, we’re together all the time anyway. I’ve got space in my apartment. I’d...be happy, if you wanted to move in with me.”

Kurt’s face settles into something less shocked and more encouraging. “Well, that’s...I mean, that’s really sweet of you, but…”

“I know it’s fast,” Blaine cuts him off. People pass them to cross the street, but they stay still. “And I know this is big. I didn’t mean to spring it on you, I mean, I didn’t even know I was going to offer until I did.” He shrugs. “You don’t need to answer right now. But...I do mean it. So can you promise to think about it?”

Kurt smiles softly. “Yeah, I can promise to think about it.”

“Great,” Blaine says, feeling a warmth in his chest. When he looks up, the light has already cycled through again, and they have to stand at the corner for another minute before they can cross. As they wait, Blaine pulls his hand out of his pocket, ignoring the cold air that stings his skin, and holds it out to Kurt. With a hesitant smile, Kurt takes it, intertwining their fingers.

Blaine doesn’t bring up moving in again, and Kurt doesn’t tell Rachel about it right away. He spends a few days turning it over in his mind. He imagines living with Blaine - waking up every morning together, their things mingled together in the closet and medicine cabinet, being in each other’s presence so often that it becomes unremarkable. He’s never lived with a boyfriend before, and it seems like an unfathomably large commitment. While he’s shared various apartments with Rachel over the past decade, there has always been something definitively separate about the way they live - they are roommates, and friends, but also distinct individuals. Moving in with Blaine would feel more like melding his life and identity with someone else, and Kurt doesn’t know how he feels about that.

Finally, Kurt tells Rachel when she gets home from work one evening.

“Woah,” she says in response, coming to sit across from him at the table. “That’s big.”

“I know,” Kurt replies. “I don’t know what to do. It’s a huge step, but...I don’t hate the idea, either.”

“Well,” Rachel says, pulling her hair over her shoulder, “you know I’d hate to lose you as a roommate.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that’s going to be the deciding factor.” He chews his lip. “I don’t know, it is a big deal, but...why not? I really like him. The way things are going, this would happen eventually, right? So why not cut to the chase?”

Rachel eyes him, and takes a deep breath before saying, “have you talked to Sebastian?”

Kurt looks down at his hands, twisting his fingers together. “No. I-” he sighs. “He called me, a little over a week ago. He left a message, apologizing, and...he seemed sincere. But I just don’t know if I’m ready. It might just be better to move on.”

It’s quiet for a moment before Rachel speaks up again. “Look, Kurt, I want you to do what’s right for you, but also…I think you should consider the big picture. If Sebastian showed up tonight and confessed his love for you, would that change your decision?”

Kurt jerks his head up to stare at her, sputtering. “That’s - what are you - that’s an absurd question, okay? We’ve been over this. That would never happen.”

Rachel shrugs. “Even if it wouldn’t - do you want it to? Because that should be taken into account.”

Kurt shakes his head. “Even if I did want that - which I don’t - I have to live in reality, okay? I can’t base my life decisions on wild hypotheticals.” He takes a deep breath, and continues in a softer tone. “Anyway, I’ve spent too much of my life just following after Sebastian. That’s all I’ve been doing for years - for my whole adult life - isn’t it? I’m tired of it. Look where it’s gotten me. I can’t just hang around him and - and be his little shadow, you know?”

Rachel looks at him, her face slack, and doesn’t respond. Kurt stands up, wraps his arms tightly over his chest, and goes to his room.

On Friday, Sebastian exits the lobby of his office building just after 2pm. It’s late for lunch, but he’d been wrapped up in a meeting, then a call with a client that took much longer than necessary. Sebastian is good at his job because it requires him to be persuasive and charming and get people to like him so they buy things, but sometimes he gets tired of being likeable and just wants to scream.

Outside of the exterior doors, Sebastian notices a coworker of his smoking, hands cupped around the orange tip of a cigarette.

“Hey,” Sebastian greets him, pausing to stand next to him.

“Hey,” the guy - Lance - grunts back. He exhales a plume of smoke, which quickly disappears in the blustery afternoon. “You need a light?” he asks.

Sebastian shakes his head. “Don’t smoke,” he replies. He glances up and down the street, restless. “Sometimes I wish I did, though.”

Lance lets out a dark chuckle. “No, you don’t,” he says. “That’s a bell you can’t unring, not really.”

“It always seemed nice, though,” Sebastian says, observing as Lance takes another drag. “Getting to take breaks, hang around with other smokers, looking cool and moody as hell.”

“More like freezing your balls off outside because your skin won’t stop itching until you have a smoke,” Lance replies. 

Sebastian watches him for a second. It is cold outside, that’s true. Lance is tall, his face is decently handsome, and his hair is that shade of brown so dark that it often seems black. In his trench coat, leaning against the wall of the building, he does look cool and moody as hell. Sebastian has seen his temper, though.

“So what’s wrong with you?” Lance asks him, in a surprising show of empathy. Or maybe he’s just bored.

Sebastian leans against the wall next to him, sliding his hands into his coat pockets. “I’m in a fight with my friend,” he says. “It’s been bothering me.”

Lance tilts his head. “That’s rough.”

“Yeah, well,” Sebastian says. “I instigated it, I guess.” He watches the smoke curl up from Lance’s cigarette. “Or maybe it started a long time ago, you know? Maybe this is just shit from when we were kids that has always been below the surface.” He clears his throat. “When we were younger, Kurt had all these big dreams. He loved movies and plays - he dragged me to see them all the time. He was dead-set on being a part of that world, somehow - whether it was acting, or set-building, or costuming. He just seemed like, you know, he could do anything he put his mind to. And then things didn’t really go his way after high school, and he couldn’t catch a break. Eventually he just seemed to give up. But I know he can be a dreamer. I know he still could do whatever he puts his mind to. I guess I’m disappointed that he’s settling down, that he’s not dreaming big enough. Or maybe I’m just jealous of the guy he’s settling down with. Maybe it’s both.”

Lance had straightened up, and shifted so that there was a bit more space between him and Sebastian. “Well,” he finally says, and then coughs. “Yeah. Tough.”

Sebastian grins at the obvious discomfort on his face. “That’s so true, man.” He pushes off from the building wall, getting a little closer to Lance, just because he can. “Thanks for listening, I think I really needed that.” He glances at the building, up at the higher-story windows, one of which belongs to his own office. “I think I’m done here,” Sebastian says simply, confidently. He strides away from Lance, and the building, and the job, and gets into his car.

Chapter Text

On Friday, Kurt drives over to Blaine’s place for dinner.

They eat, and the food is delicious, and the dining room is cozy and warm, and their conversation is simple and easy. They’re loading plates into the dishwasher when Blaine asks, “so, have you thought about moving?”

Kurt leans against the kitchen counter. “I have been thinking about it, a lot.”

“And?” Blaine prompts.

“I do like the idea of it,” Kurt says, “but...it is a big step.”

When he’d been talking to Rachel, Kurt had felt relatively confident that he was going to tell Blaine yes. He’d defended the idea to Rachel, come up with all kinds of justifications for why it made sense. But now, for some reason, he hesitates. Standing in front of Blaine, in the very apartment that he’d be moving into, where saying yes would mean a real commitment, he questions himself.

Blaine steps forward, and takes Kurt’s hands in his own. “Kurt,” he says softly, his voice full of affection. “Do you like being with me?”

“Yes, of course,” Kurt says.

“And you want to keep dating me?”

“Yes,” Kurt replies.

Blaine shrugs. “So why not move in together? Look, my program ends next summer, and then I want to get a job at a school in the area.You have your friends here, and a good job...we have a good future together.”

“I guess…” Kurt replies, and while he understands the logic of Blaine’s words, the uncertainty in his gut is only growing.

Blaine presses a kiss to his forehead. “I want to buy a house eventually, you know...why not start settling down now?”

The word ‘buy’ hits Kurt like a bullet. “What? I - Blaine, that’s not what we’re talking about.”

“I know,” Blaine says. “But this is like...the very first step on that path. We don’t have to worry about the rest just yet.”

Kurt pulls his hands out of Blaine’s grasp. He feels sick at this thought - at his whole future planned out, a domestic life stretching forward until his death. Just the idea of buying a house, of putting down an ungodly amount of money to commit to staying in one place, living one life indefinitely, makes his skin crawl. “But, Blaine, we don’t - you don’t even know me,” he says.

Blaine laughs lightly. “I...well, I hope I’ve been getting to know you pretty well. And I’d really like to keep knowing more and more about you.”

“No,” Kurt insists, stepping away, putting space between them. “I mean, I don’t even know me, or what I want right now. I don’t know what I’m doing, I can’t - I don’t want to take the ‘first step’ on that path. I don’t think that’s the right path for me, not now.”

Blaine’s face is awash with hurt, but he takes a deep breath. “That’s okay,” he says. “I know it’s fast. I shouldn’t have pushed it. You don’t have to move in yet.”

Kurt wants to smile, to accept the compromise. He wants to push this disagreement aside and forget about it for now, to go back to easy and comfortable conversation. He wants so badly to just have the simple, warm relationship they’ve developed over the past several months, and to forget about what this disagreement might mean for their future.

But he can’t. “What if it’s not ‘yet’?” he asks Blaine. “What if I never want to move in with you?”

Blaine stares at him. “We don’t - what do you mean never ?”

As much anguish as Kurt feels at the betrayal in Blaine’s expression, as uncomfortable and unpleasant as this is, Kurt suddenly understands a truth that makes everything in his mind clear. He remembers his argument with Rachel, how he’d said he was tired of tagging along after Sebastian, that he needed to make his own decisions. But moving in with Blaine, walking down this idyllic path to an imagined happily-ever-after isn’t making his own decisions either. It’s just swapping out Sebastian for Blaine, one fantasy for another. He’s been unsure of himself for so long. His whole adulthood has felt like one accident after another, stumbling into a life instead of stepping forward confidently. And now, finally, he knows he needs to take his life in his own hands, to figure out what he wants to do, instead of haphazardly following someone else’s vision.

“I think,” Kurt says breathily, “I think I mean never. I think I mean...we want different things. I think,” and his voice breaks as he says it, “we’re not meant for each other.”

Sebastian gets to Babylon much earlier than normal, when it’s pretty empty, populated mostly by older veterans of the scene. He doesn’t mind. He didn’t come to pick anyone up tonight. He just wants to be somewhere that he feels at home, that he knows and understands, where he can be utterly himself. He wants to get pleasantly tipsy and run into friends and see familiar faces. For the past ten years, he’s spent most of his life based around places like this, in this neighborhood, in these dark, loud spaces. He can’t bring himself to regret it, but he does wonder idly how his life would be different if he hadn’t been single-mindlessly pursuing sex and drunken fun for all of his adult life. For once, he feels unmoored and uncertain of what to do next. 

He nurses a whiskey sour, making conversation with the familiar bartender, sometimes watching the other patrons or getting lost in his thoughts. As it gets later, the club starts to fill up with more people, and the music gets louder. He wishes Kurt were there, not just because he misses him, but also because Kurt is the only person he’s ever been comfortable talking to about the way he actually feels. 

He finishes his drink, and the dance floor is decently full now. A good song comes on, one that was popular back when he was in high school. Sebastian smiles, and gets up to dance. 

He’s been dancing for several songs, sometimes gaining a partner for a while, but always demurely pulling away from them before they get too invested. He’s just feeling sweaty and ragged enough that maybe it’s time to take a break when he turns and sees an intimately familiar face: Kurt’s. 

He’s walking at the edge of the dancers, looking urgently around the room. He doesn’t look panicked, exactly, but there is something intense about his posture and expression. Sebastian pushes past dancers to get closer to him, and when there’s still about ten feet between them Kurt finally looks his way, and their eyes meet. 

The music is loud, but Sebastian can see Kurt mouth Seb , then break into a smile that seems both relieved and anxious. Sebastian surges forward, and Kurt pulls him into his arms. Kurt buries his face in the crook of Sebastian’s neck, and Sebastian says into Kurt’s ear, “fuck, Kurt. I’ve missed you.”

“I missed you too,” Kurt says into Sebastian’s shoulder, so close that Seb can feel his vocal cords vibrating.

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian says urgently. “I shouldn’t have -”

“I know,” Kurt replies. “I know you are. I forgive you.”

Sebastian breathes in deeply, smelling Kurt’s shampoo and cologne. “Can I get you a drink?”

Kurt laughs, pulling away to smile at Sebastian. “Of course.”

Sitting at a tucked-away table, Kurt drinks his gin and tonic and tells Sebastian about the breakup.

“It was rough,” he says simply. “We both cried, a lot.”

“Yeah,” Sebastian says, reaching up to brush his thumb against Kurt’s reddish cheek. “I can tell.” He knows he’s being particularly intimate with his touch, but he just can’t help himself. Kurt is here , in front of him again, and touching him feels like gulping in oxygen after he’s been underwater for too long.

Kurt scoffs. “Don’t be rude.”

Sebastian grins. “It’s only because your complexion is usually so flawless that I can tell when it’s off.”

“Nice save,” Kurt teases. Then his expression turns more somber again. “I feel bad, I really do. Blaine is a great guy. But I just knew...it wasn’t right. It wouldn’t ever have been right, not in the long-term.”

“I’m sorry,” Sebastian says, and there’s genuine feeling behind it. As giddy as he is to discover that Blaine is no longer in their lives, he does feel bad about Kurt’s emotional turmoil.

“Thanks,” Kurt says, giving him a soft smile. “Anyway, what’s done is done.” He takes a deep breath and a long sip of his drink. “Well, that’s my dramatic evening. How are you? What have you been up to over the past month or so?”

Sebastian shrugs. “I think I’m quitting my job.”

“What?” Kurt exclaims.

Sebastian smiles, enjoying the reaction. “I don’t know, it’s not official or anything. I just left for lunch today and then didn’t go back. I’ll see how I feel on Monday morning, if I want to go in or just quit.”

Kurt shakes his head in amused disbelief. “You are unreal, Sebastian Smythe.”

The teasing compliment feels like a drug to Sebastian, like something he would risk life and limb to keep receiving. He bumps his shoulder against Kurt’s. “Well, Kurt Hummel. You’re newly heartbroken, newly single, back in Babylon for the first time in weeks. What do you want to do?”

Kurt laughs, and Sebastian savors the sound. “I want to have a good time,” Kurt says.

Sebastian grins. “Then finish that drink, and let’s go dancing.”

Chapter Text

They dance together, getting lost in the music, the warm press of other bodies, the euphoria of being together again after so long apart. Kurt feels light and pleasantly tipsy and sweaty in a good way. The breakup with Blaine still hurts, still feels like an uncomfortable and unfortunate weight, but in this environment he’s able to push it aside, to not obsess over it. With dance music vibrating through his chest, the taste of gin in his throat, and Sebastian’s intoxicating smile always in sight, he feels right and at home in a way he hasn’t in ages.

They run into acquaintances a few times, club friends or former hookups, and some stop to dance with them for a bit. Regardless of who else is there, though, Kurt and Sebastian stay close, never straying too far, orbiting each other.

Eventually they lock eyes, and without speaking they both know that they’re exhausted and thirsty and danced out. Kurt holds out his hand and Sebastian grasps it, so they can stay connected as they wind through the other dancers towards the bar. Sebastian orders a whiskey to sip on and Kurt, happy with his level of intoxication, simply asks for a sparkling water. They lean against the very end of the bar. After a few sips have refreshed him, Kurt presses his glass to his forehead, the condensation cooling his hot skin.

“Okay,” Kurt says in a light tone. “I have to tap out soon. You go off and find whatever guy you’re gonna take home.”

Sebastian ducks his head, uncharacteristically bashful. “I already know who I want to take home,” he says.

“Oh yeah?” Kurt asks. Sebastian hadn’t been getting close with any particular guy while they’d been dancing. “Where is he?”

Sebastian takes a slow sip of his drink. “Well, I haven’t asked him yet,” he admits. “I’m a little worried I’ll be rejected.”

Kurt scoffs at the modesty. “That’s ridiculous, everyone says yes to you.”

Sebastian smiles at this. “It didn’t go so well the last time I asked this guy,” he explains. There’s a lilt to his voice, as though he knows some delightful secret. “To be fair, though, I was being a dick.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. He enjoys this playful back-and-forth so much, and can’t believe that he had convinced himself he could shut Seb out of his life. “Well, I’m sure he can forgive you,” Kurt says, setting his glass down on the bar. “Who can resist you, after all? You should ask him.”

“Okay,” Sebastian says. “You’re right.” He takes another long sip of his drink and then sets it down as well. He steps closer to Kurt and looks squarely at him.

“Kurt,” Sebastian says, his lips curling around the name he’s said so, so many times before, “will you come home with me tonight?”

Kurt lets out a half-laugh. “I...what?” he asks. He wonders if this simply means Sebastian doesn’t want to hook up tonight, that he just wants them to leave together.

Sebastian lifts up his hand to cup Kurt’s jaw. He leans forward so that their foreheads touch, his face so close to Kurt’s that it starts to blur together. Sebastian is suddenly all that Kurt can see, smell, feel.

“Will you come home with me?” Sebastian asks again, and Kurt can feel the heat of his breath on his lips. “I don’t want anyone but you,” Sebastian goes on. “I’ve been an idiot, for years, but I think I’m finally starting to learn. No one in this club, or in any club on this street, or anywhere in the world compares to you. Will you come home with me tonight, please?”

It’s the kind of gentle, intense, concentrated affection that Kurt has never quite felt from any other man. It’s not until this moment that Kurt realizes what has always been missing, why any previous connection with a man seemed incomplete, uneven, not quite satisfying. No one has ever known him as well as Sebastian does, and so no one else’s attention or love has been so potent, so honest, so right . 

Kurt answers by pressing their lips together in a fierce kiss.

The next morning, Kurt wakes up in Sebastian’s bed.

It’s not an unfamiliar experience, to be tangled in his sheets and mildly hungover on a Saturday morning, but everything is different this time. For one, Sebastian is still in the bed. He’s already awake, per usual, and is propped up on his elbow, staring down at Kurt.

Kurt yawns. “Morning,” he mumbles.

“Thank god you’re up,” Sebastian replies. “I want coffee but I knew you’d complain if I was the one who made it.”

Kurt laughs softly. “You have the Chemex I got you?”

“Yeah,” Sebastian says. “Somewhere.”

Kurt rolls his eyes. “I trust you to make the coffee if you use that. And if you don’t use pre-ground beans.”

“I think I can manage that,” Sebastian responds. He leans forward to press his lips to Kurt’s, just a short peck of affection. “I’ll be back with caffeine,” he says, and rolls out of bed. Kurt watches his boxer-clad form exit the bedroom, the door slowly closing in his wake.

Kurt stretches his arms and sits up against the headboard. He can see his and Sebastian’s clothing still strewn across the floor. Last night had been rushed and chaotic. By the time they’d gotten to Sebastian’s bedroom, after kissing in Babylon and making out in the back of a taxi, they were so wound up that they both finished quickly. Kurt didn’t mind, though - he knew that this was the beginning of something, that they had all the time in the world. So their first time having sex was fast and sloppy and unromantic - who cares? He knows they’ll have plenty of other opportunities.

He’s surprised by how calm he feels about the whole thing. He knows that months, weeks, even days ago he would have been anxiously overanalyzing this, terrified that whatever relationship they were starting would jeopardize his longest and most important friendship. But now that it had actually happened, now that they had crossed that line, he can see that it was inevitable, in some sense. Maybe being together like this will eventually spell their doom - it doesn’t matter. Kurt knows that it would be just as disastrous to stay apart, to keep denying the feelings between them that had been developing for years, living under their skin and only consciously rising now. This had always been where they were heading, even if they hadn’t realized it for a long time. It feels deeply right to finally give into it.

The door hinge squeaks, and Sebastian returns to the room holding two mugs. His coffee is beige with creamer, while the drink he hands Kurt is unmarred black.

“Thanks,” Kurt says, bringing the mug up to his face to breathe in the steam. He takes a small sip, quick so that it won’t burn his tongue. He sighs in contentment. “That’s good,” he says.

“Thank fuck,” Sebastian replies, settling in next to him on the bed. “You’re so picky.”

“I have a refined palette,” Kurt corrects.

After a few moments of silence, both of them enjoying their coffee and their mutual proximity, Kurt hears the buzz of a phone vibration.

“Yours?” Kurt glances at Sebastian.

Sebastian shakes his head. “Mine is in the kitchen.”

Kurt sighs, knowing his own phone is probably still in his pants pocket, in a heap on the floor. “Probably Rachel wondering where I am,” he says. “Or Blaine, ugh.” He leans over, resting his head on Sebastian’s bare shoulder. “God, I don’t want to face reality.”

“What do you mean?” Sebastian asks, adjusting so that his whole torso is pressed against Kurt’s side.

Kurt sighs. “I mean, I just broke up with Blaine. I need to get my stuff from his apartment, and give him his stuff from mine, and awkwardly tell everyone that we broke up. Oh, god, and I’m not moving in with him, so now my rent with Rachel is gonna go up.”

Sebastian’s silent for a moment. There’s another buzzing sound from the general vicinity of Kurt’s pants. “Hey,” Sebastian says. “I have an idea. Let’s run away.”

Kurt glances up at him. “What?”

Sebastian sets his coffee down on his nightstand and turns so he can face Kurt. “I mean it,” he says, earnestness all over his face. “Let’s head out of town. Let’s get into a car and drive and see where the road takes us. Doing all that shit doesn’t have to be your reality. Let’s make a more fun reality for ourselves.”

Kurt smiles, rueful. “As much as I like the idea,” he says, “I have a job, and bills, and responsibilities. I can’t just leave everything behind.”

“Why not?” Sebastian asks, reaching up to trace Kurt’s jaw. “I’ll pay for things, you know I’m good for it. And if we’re gone so long that I run out of money, you can get a job at a coffee shop and support me.” He grins, and Kurt can’t help but mirror him. “Or maybe we’ll drive for six hours and get bored and come back,” he goes on. “Who knows? Let’s try it.”

Kurt considers this absurd proposition as Sebastian continues to brush his fingers over Kurt’s face. He thinks of every possible excuse, of every practical and responsible reason that he should not go on an impromptu road trip with Sebastian. There are many, many reasons, but Kurt hates them all. He thinks of the inane things that weigh him down, the life that he has built as an adult that feels stifling and boring and ill-fitting. He still isn’t sure what his life should be, or what he wants for himself, or who he really is. But he knows this isn’t it, and it’s time to take things into his own hands. When he finally kissed Sebastian, taking the fantasy of their life together and making it real, he took the first step. What’s the next step?

“Can we go to the ocean?” Kurt asks.

Sebastian lets his fingers drop from Kurt’s face so that he can lift Kurt’s hand, still warm from holding his mug, and press his lips to the knuckles. “We can do whatever you want. The ocean sounds amazing.”

“Okay,” Kurt says, staring into Sebastian’s eyes, and seeing his own excitement and love reflected. “We can run away. But I get to drive.”

“Deal,” Sebastian agrees. He leans forward and kisses Kurt, hungrily, their mouths bitter with coffee and twisting into smiles.

“I love you,” Sebastian breathes against Kurt’s skin.

Everything else in his life is uncertain now, but not this. “I love you too,” Kurt replies easily. He always has.