Archive of Our Own ^beta

In the early hours of the day, Dawn Winery is a bustling area tucked away from Mondstadt, its servants and workers bustling both inside and outside. There’s never a moment when the meticulous workers chosen by the Ragnvindr family themselves are a minute off, sticking to their schedule at the exact second. It’s a lively establishment as the sun hangs high and everyone prepares to develop the finest wine Mondstadt has ever drank.

When the moon looms in the sky and there’s an overhead of stars, Dawn Winery is nearly unrecognizable.

There’s not a worker in the fields picking ripe grapes from the vines, not a maid scuttling to her next station in the kitchen to prepare lunch. There’s no birds chirping on the roofs or boars running rampant in the fields. It’s eerily silent, devoid of the light and life that shines through when dawn rises.

Kaeya thinks the silence is fitting for a sinner like him.

He knows he shouldn’t be here, loitering around in the foyer when all of the servants have gone home for the night. But Adelinde insisted on him staying, preparing his old room for him to sleep in.

Diluc sold the Ragnvindr manor before shortly disappearing from Mondstadt. Kaeya was left without a name nor a roof over his head, leaving him to drown in the freezing rain even after the skies turned blue and the sun shined down on him. He was only able to salvage a few of his belongings from the manor before finding himself at Dawn Winery hours later.

He has nowhere to go anymore. No place or no person that no longer feels like home.

He feels like he doesn’t belong in the winery, even after spending most of his years growing up there. It feels far too foreign, far too out of reach for him to relish the memories made there. They’re tainted, distorted beyond recognition.

The mocking ticks of the grandfather clock fill Kaeya’s ears as he stares into the fireplace that he had begrudgingly prepped himself. He steadies his breathing. These flames won’t burn him.

He turns his attention to the stack of photo albums piled on the table, each one worn from years of being handled and flipped through. It’s one of the few items that made it back to the Winery without being sold alongside everything else at the manor. He reaches a hand forward and runs his fingers along one the spines, feeling the smooth leather dip as he presses his thumb down.

Kaeya hesitates before he grabs the album on the very top and settles it on his lap. He stares at it for a few long seconds, drawing circles into the leather with the tip of his finger, waiting. He’s not sure what he’s waiting for but he counts the ticks from the grandfather clock before he opens the album, the clock striking the hour.

Each page is heavy with the photos that are attached to them, in near perfect condition compared to the covers that protect them. This photo album is very old. It contains photos of when Diluc was first born, small body cradled by a woman that Kaeya doesn’t recognize. He has heard about her in passing though, the late lady Lucia of house Ragnvindr. Diluc’s mother looks young in the photos she’s holding him, but when he flips through the next few pages, all he sees is Crepus and Diluc.

He’s not sure what happened to Diluc’s mother. Crepus always avoided the question, and Adelinde and Elzer are too loyal to spill such important details without permission. He has never pried, though. Whatever happened to Lucia is for Crepus and the older workers of the winery to know alone.

Not even Diluc knows, but he was never bothered by not having a mother around. Not when there were others that filled the void.

He closes the photo album and sets it to the side, grabbing the next one before he can even stop himself.

He flips through several pages before he sees a young boy bearing his face, smiling at the camera alongside Diluc. They’re both seated next to Crepus, who brought them into a tight hug. They’re all laughing, and Kaeya can practically hear their jovial and young laughter ring in his ears. It’s one of the first photos that was taken of him when he was taken in by the Ragnvindrs. He was so young back then.

There are more photos that show him and Diluc together. One of them shows them in the same bathtub, playing with the rubber ducky toys that floated in the water. Another shows them collecting seashells at the beach, piling them into a red bucket that rested in the sand. And then another, this time with Diluc seated at the piano and Kaeya watching him intently.

Sometimes, Adelinde will appear in the photos. She looks as if she hasn’t aged at all in the years, her youthful appearance memorialized in them forever. One of the photos shows her tying the ribbon on Kaeya’s shirt, a smile on both their faces as they engaged in a conversation that he can no longer remember.

In the next photo album, there are pictures of them sparring. Wooden swords in hand, the sun beaming down on them as their bangs stuck to their foreheads uncomfortably. A couple of pages later, their portraits from the Knights of Favonius when they were both accepted lay next to each other. Diluc looks younger in his portrait due to entering the knights at a young age; Kaeya followed after him years later.

He turns to the next page. Him and Diluc are dozing off against one of the trees close to the winery, wooden swords laid across the floor. They were still wearing their knights uniforms, the sunlight barely filtering through the leaves. Another page, and Kaeya nearly slams the photo album shut.

A family portrait from last year—similar to a photo from the past albums, Diluc sits on the left while Kaeya sits on the right, and Crepus sits between them. He remembers how, on that day, Diluc nearly burned his formal attire and they were both scrambling to put the fire out on his pants. A chuckle escaped his lips before he could stop it from surfacing.

Even with the smiles on their faces, there was still a story behind the photo. Kaeya nearly remembers all the stories behind each photo, because he cherishes the memories he made with the family who took him in on that dark day.

Kaeya can’t even bring himself to open the last photo album. He already knows that it’s halfway filled, that the photos were either taken by him or Diluc, that some of those photos caught either of them in a moment of weakness. They laughed at those photos, grabbing each other’s faces in a fit of anger before reluctantly sticking them in the photo album. Even those photos have a story.

He clenches his fists, his head hung low. Diluc’s words are still clear in his head.

”You are no longer a Ragnvindr.”

He nearly burned that day were it not for the vision that rested on the table next to him. He stares at the bright blue gem; how the very sight of him wished he burned. He gave up everything that day: his life, his identity, his best friend. And among everything that Kaeya gave up, it was his life that was spared.

It’s laughable, Kaeya thinks. Diluc was so close to killing him, or at least, that’s what Kaeya believes he intended to do. His brother’s flames were always a comforting heat, striving to protect those dear to him. But on that day, as the rain pelted on both of them, Kaeya could’ve sworn—

He no longer wanted you to be a part of his world.

He nearly jumps out of his seat, fumbling to catch the photo album so it doesn’t land on the floor with a loud thud. Slowly, Kaeya looks around. He’s still alone in the foyer.

Ah, did you already forget my voice, little one?

The voice echoes in his head, he finally realizes after taking a moment to calm down. He takes a moment to remember where this voice came from.

“You are…” Kaeya hesitates. He must sound silly talking to himself aloud, even if there is a voice ringing in his head. “The cyro archon.”

Who else would give him his vision? He certainly does not believe that the anemo archon would be so kind as to grant him a vision; he’s not free.

He heard her voice that day before Diluc dealt a decisive blow. Her comforting voice called out to him, drowning out all sounds before his vision came before him. Kaeya remembers this well, but simply thought the voice would go away after receiving said vision.

How rude. We archons simply don’t disappear after giving our children their power, the voice chides him. Who else to guide our children than ourselves? It would be a bit irresponsible, would it not?

It’s a rhetorical question, Kaeya knows that, yet he can’t help himself from asking her the very question that has been eating away at him.

“Why did you let me live?” He whispers, almost in pain. The entire room stills as Kaeya closes his eyes, waiting for an answer. A heartbeat, two heartbeats, then he lets out a shaky breath.

“Why let me live, knowing why I was placed here?”

He feels tears welling in his good eye and he suddenly feels cold, too cold, even with the fire lit in the fireplace.

And then, a sigh, one of longing.

Sorry… to also have you shoulder the grievances of the world, little one, she murmurs, a hint of regret in her tone. I wanted you to live, is that so selfish of me? Even when the ground came crumbling beneath your feet, I couldn’t stand to see you give up your life.

She almost sounds… sad.

“Do you pity me?” Kaeya asks her, his hands gripping the arms of the chair tightly. “I’m a threat to everyone here. One day, my duty will catch up to me, and then—“

Do you really believe that, little one? she cuts him off. I must know your heart better than you do. You will never destroy the one home that you ever knew, Kaeya.

It’s the first time she has spoken his name and it immediately sends shivers down his spine. She’s not condescending, looking down at him; instead, she’s treating him gently, the ghost of a warm touch, akin to that of a mother. Kaeya holds back a sob.

She sounds as if she cares for him.

I wanted you to live because I know you are capable of far more. This duty of yours… you are no longer bound to it, she whispers reassuringly, and Kaeya swears he could almost feel something, or someone, rub his back in a soothing manner.

You were no longer bound the moment you confessed to the child of flame.

Diluc.

It is true that everything Kaeya had kept hidden from his family was laid out for them to bear witness to the moment he told Diluc of his secret. He couldn’t bear it anymore, not when Crepus had passed away, and the world came crashing and burning in one fell swoop. But in exchange for the truth…

“I’ve lost everything,” Kaeya croaks out, a single tear falling down his cheek. He can’t bring himself to wipe it away.

The voice hums.

You are forever buried under this burden of lies, little one, she regrettably notes. There’s no turning back from this path you chose, Kaeya.

She pauses before she speaks again.

But… Since you could endure my bitter cold, you must have the desire to burn?

He looks up. “What?”

The photo albums all fall into Kaeya’s lap in one fell swoop, a gust of chilling wind suddenly filling the room. The fire flickers for a moment before the cold disappears as fast as it came. He stares at the photo albums, confused as to why and how the cryo archon pushed them into his hands.

The child of flame continues to move forward. He will no longer dwell on the past. But you, my dear child… you are different. The cold will always linger no matter what you do. This is why we all have the desire to burn.

There is nothing left for you, yet there is longing in your heart. What drives this longing? You alone know this answer, Kaeya. So I ask you, what is it that you wish to burn?

Kaeya blinks, processing her words. The desire to burn, is she out of her mind? He’s fearful of flames now, how hot they are, how much they are capable of destroying. How could he desire to burn when it is capable of wiping away even the darkest of sins?

It suddenly hits him.

He stands up from his chair, frantically searching the room before he instinctively walks over to the front desk of the foyer. He’s roughly pulling open the drawers, digging through documents and pencils and pens before his eyes land on the pair of scissors. He grabs them before returning to his spot in front of the fireplace.

Carefully, he goes through each album and takes out every photo that includes him. There’s a small pile on the table by the time he’s finished. Kaeya’s hands are shaking as he holds the first photo gingerly between his fingers, the pair of scissors hovering between him and his family.

And then, he cuts them off.

Every piece of him falls at his feet, fluttering to the ground soundlessly, without protest. Every smile, every laugh, they no longer exist in this world. Were they all lies? Even Kaeya can’t answer that question.

He gathers all of his pieces before wordlessly walking over to the fireplace. He stares into the flames, reflecting in his gaze. To think that not too long ago he thought that these flames wouldn’t burn him.

Kaeya stares down at all the pieces in his hands. There is no turning back, no possible way of piecing himself back together once he moves forward.

Have you come to your answer, little one?

A simple question. She’s giving him the option to back out because she also knows that there’s no point of return. Kaeya closes his eye and takes a deep breath, clearing his mind. He’s tired of living a lie.

Slowly, he opens his eye, and answers,

“I have.”

He turns his hands downward and watches as each piece falls down like snowflakes before it’s consumed by the fire below. There’s a lie fabricated in each piece of him that is burning, slowly fading to black and curling at the edges before turning to ashes.

Kaeya stares blankly into the fire as he watches all the lies burn before him, slowly cleansing him of his sins, even if only for a moment.

He can never return to the past; the days surrounded by Diluc and Crepus, they can no longer exist. The tapestry of lies that he has warily weaved all of his life now burns, filling his nostrils with the scent of his sin. Sinners can only burn to atone for what they’ve done.

And so, Kaeya will burn.

“Take all of it,” He says, tightly clutching his vision in his hand.

Your desire to burn… I hear it loud and clear, Kaeya, she reassures him. The room suddenly grows colder, the temperature dropping and Kaeya can see frost forming around him. Ice coalesces in his palms and he starts to shake. Nearly everything around him is encased in white.

And still, the fire before him burns on.

You must be so tired of this world…

He can hear the smile in her voice as she whispers,

Then, burn away the old world for me.