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Published:
2021-06-28
Updated:
2021-09-24
Words:
23,561
Chapters:
22/?
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the avengers are a pr disaster (obviously)

Chapter 22: I’M IN MY MUM’S CAR

Summary:

am i back? probably not but i have some chapters stored up already :)

Notes:

(See the end of the chapter for notes.)

Chapter Text

just me @asimplegay

is it just me or does there seem to be an extra person with the avengers that no one knows???

 

resident disaster !! @dysphoriahours

Yeah, from what I know I think there’s meant to be 19 of them but Peter said there was 20 of them and there were 20 people roasting marshmallows

 

grey @lamehumanvee

weird that they seem to be hiding whoever it is

 

Pup-dator @RudeKludde

Maybe they just don’t want the fame!

 

sydney @bitchimacow

i wonder who they are and why they’re there

 

Wesper Supremacy @socck

I guess we’ll just have to wait for them to feel comfortable enough to say something

 

-----

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

so we’re all staying around the house today while stanky and pep go to some meetings which means that stephen can’t hid with tony

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

we’re making him and thor watch vines

 

Mobius M. Mobius @gaytimecowboy

Well, someone had to teach them

You two vine gremlins are the most qualified

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

when did you get twitter??

 

Mobius M. Mobius @gaytimecowboy

About 10 minutes ago

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

fuck yeah!!

 

Loki (he/she) |✔️| @immasnake

oh this was a good idea

this is gonna be fun

 

Mobius M. Mobius @gaytimecowboy

Did you think it wouldn’t be, huh?

Didn’t realize you thought I was boring

 

Loki (he/she) |✔️| @immasnake

oh no

you are anything but boring

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

back to our education of steph and thor

who knows what you two could say

 

THOR |✔️| @wielderofmjölnir

I AM READY STARKSON

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Let's do this, I suppose.

 

-----

 

THOR |✔️| @wielderofmjölnir

I’M IN MY MUM’S CAR

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

come on…

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Vroom vroom.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

ngl i think i just cried a little

 

Loki (he/she) |✔️| @immasnake

stephen acts reluctant but he’s enjoying this

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

No, I am not.

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

yes you are

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Maybe.

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

:D

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

yeah bitches we did it

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

wish i could see his face rn

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

[PHOTO: Stephen sitting next to Peter looking exasperated but slightly amused. Peter looks straight up delighted. Thor is looking at the laptop in front of him very intensely.]

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

ooh harls, hows ari??

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

he’s absolutely incredible

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

and how’s my new favorite person

 

popo @youknowigetit

i’m fucking fantastic

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

good to know babes ( ˘ ³˘)♥

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

what am i?? chopped liver

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

sorry harls, i’ve replaced you /j

 

popo @youknowigetit

i’m just better, ya know?

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

honestly i’m not even mad because you’re pretty fucking great 

 

popo @youknowigetit

i know

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

also i have you to thank for ari

 

popo @youknowigetit

you have ari to thank for ari

he’s just that cool

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers

modesty?? from you??

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

a good horse rider is one that puts the horse first and foremost

sometimes they forget about themselves

 

popo @youknowigetit

well said

 

THE hot mess @abigaylkeener

why thank you

 

popo @youknowigetit

now answer my messages you asshole

 

-----

 

Private Messages

pop it → abi

 

pop it: yo, how old are you?

pop it: because i know you’re younger than harley and he’s 18

pop it: and i’m really hoping you’re not, like, a child

abi: wow, not even a hello

abi: is popo your full name?

pop it: answer my question first

abi: i’m almost 17

pop it: thank the gods

pop it: i’m 17 btw

pop it: it’s not my full name

abi: what is???

pop it: you don’t need to know that

abi: i’d like to

pop it: the only person who calls me my full name is my mother and i’d like to keep it that way

abi: ok mystery girl

pop it: i’m a mystery?

abi: all i know is that you like the all for the game trilogy, you’re unreasonably good at horse riding and you’re hot

pop it: i’m hot? ;)

pop it: well all i know about you  is that harley is your brother, you’re seventeen and you’re queer

pop it: i am too 

pop it: queer that is

pop it: i don’t even know what you look like

abi: well then. i’m a lesbian, i also like horses allthough i’m not into jumping, i really like tomatoes, i’m an artist and this is me

[PHOTO: A selfie of Abi with a small smile on her face. Her blonde hair is long enough that you can’t see where it ends in frame  Her make-up is impeccable and perfectly compliments her dark green eyes, she could be an Instagram influencer.]

 

pop it: i know you already know what i look like from the video of harley trying aristotle but here ig

pop it: i can’t do make up or anything so yeah

[PHOTO: A selfie of Popo smirking at the camera. Her hair is short and fluffy looking, one side is dyed green and the other black. Her eyes are a light grey that look like they could possibly kill someone. She has a smattering of freckles across her cheeks accompanied by some acne.]

abi: i stand by what i said about you being hot

pop it: you’re not so bad yourself, abigail keener 

abi: you’re still pretty much a mystery to me. i know basically nothing about you

pop it: i guess you’re just gonna have to try and figure me out ;)

abi: oh you bet i’m going to figure you out

pop it: you can try

 

-----

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

We’re packing up again and I’m seriously contemplating breaking up with Sam.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

ummm hey?!?

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

How did you manage to get clothes ALL OVER THE HOUSE in less than three full days?

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

sorry i’m not as neat as you, mr. military

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

You were in the army too?!

Peter’s clothes are neat and he wasn’t in the army?

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers  

don’t drag me into this

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

peter is a neat freak?? of course his clothes are packed neatly

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers  

i was going to help but now i don’t want to

 

America’s Ass |✔️| @americanowithice

I’ll do it.

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

you really can’t go more than 5 minutes without bickering??

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

no

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

It’s not my fault Sam’s a messy pig.

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

get over it

 

Nat |✔️| @spidermama

You two are worse than Tony and Stephen when they get going over who knows more about Brooklyn 99

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

… stephen watches b99?

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

how have i never told you this before?? 

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

bitch, you knew?

 

*aggressively climbs* |✔️| @ontheceiling

i have super hearing and i would locate captain holt's dulcet tones anywhere

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

also it’s me. i know more. i am superior.

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

you’re just some common bitch

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

Oh he went there

 

magic wand(a) |✔️| @redsparklesgoboom

i still can’t believe that STEPHEN watches b99

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Did you think I was just some common bitch?

 

Bruce |✔️| @greanbean

He’s still going

 

sure e |✔️| @sureehopeitdoes

and it’s still incredible

 

fal-can |✔️| @birb

it’s official we’re watching b99 together on the big screen on the plane

 

a child. |✔️| @VISION

I already have Season One Episode One ready to go.

 

Yes, I’m a doctor |✔️| @itsalittlestrange

Have we agreed that I’m the superior fan?

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

oh, noooooooooooooooooooooooo

I’m a professional™️  |✔️| @theceobitches

We have to leave in an HOUR and if you all don’t hurry up you can stay here in the rain.

 

-----

 

Rhodey |✔️| @imontherhodeagain

thank the gods this flight is shorter

 

pew pew |✔️| @katniss

don't get so excited

our next flight is way longer

 

America’s Ass |✔️| @americanowithice

Focus on the here and now for now.

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

brooklyn 99 is starting in 10

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers     

honestly can’t believe we have access to ships that can go try space in seconds but starch chooses to travel by plane to feel modest. WE’RE IN THE MOST LUXURIOUS JET LIKE EVER

 

Who am I? |✔️| @canatincancan

would you like to fly economy?

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers    

fair enough

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

i feel like everyone should know that as this is going on peter and stephen are swapping seats so peter can sit next to stank

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

it’s also to make sure they don’t murder each other over who’s the biggest brooklyn 99 fan

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

semantics

 

petey pie @propertyoftheavengers  

harley you’re really ruining my vibe of rebellious teenager

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

we both know that i’m the rebellious one

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

You are a fucking nightmare, that’s what you are.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

and gay! don’t forget that i’m gay!!

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

A nightmare.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

are you saying that my being gay is a nightmare? because that’s homophobic, bitch

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

I’M GAY?!

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

and??

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

I hate you.

 

harley, is gay @apotatoflewaroundmyroom

you love me

 

bucky |✔️| @helpiminabucket

Unfortunately, yes /hj

-----

 

Andrew Minyard be like: @ogmoronsexual

so remember that 20th person??

 

resident disaster !! @dysphoriahours

yeah?

 

Andrew Minyard be like: @ogmoronsexual

maybe it’s that mobius person that was tweeting with peter and loki?

 

Pirate :p @Jack89960558

but they all regularly tweet with fans and friends and stuff so they could just be a fan

 

Andrew Minyard be like: @ogmoronsexual

i dunno, it’s just a theory

it seemed like they were flirting with loki

 

Toms @Patchesnameistommy

If it is him, I wonder who he is?

 

Avennnn @thatonetransbitch 

i wonder....

Notes:

i’m not back, still no motivation tbh! i’m uploading this from school because i’m bored as fuck

if your name hasn’t come up it will in a few chapters when i start writing again but all of these were written about two months ago now :)

feel free to vent in the comments my dude and let me know what you thought of this one

Notes:

if you want to be featured in this fic please drop a username in the comments! if you have any ideas for what the avengers should get up to let me know.