Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

The first thing that Dean did after escaping was stop in an alley and finally take that goddamn diaper off. There were no words to express the way he felt as he removed first his pants and then the diaper. He shoved up the top of the dumpster and tossed the diaper inside, then let the top slam shut with a satisfying bang. Then he just stood there for a few seconds, savoring the feeling of cool air around his genitals.

For the rest of his life, he vowed that he would never wear another diaper.

He had no money, so he had no idea how he was going to buy a pair of boxers, but somehow Dean was going to do it. And once he had a pair of boxers, he was going to get himself some adult clothes. Like jeans that had an actual zipper instead of this stupid faux design that was just meant to look like a zipper, or a sweatshirt with hood instead of these childish onesies.

But until then, he was stuck with these stupid fake jeans and they were better than nothing. Shivering a bit, Dean bent and hauled the jeans back up around his hips. His dick chafed a bit against the rough fabric, but Dean didn’t care. It was totally worth it to be able to take a few steps around without the annoying cushiness of a diaper around his thighs.

"Alright, Winchester, you've only about two hours before they come looking," Dean said under his breath. He couldn't even be sure what day it was. Cas and Sam had done a pretty good job of keeping him disoriented for the first few weeks or so, and time had sort of lost all meaning for a little while there. The days had blended together into a soft, comforting lull of warms hugs, good food, naps, and cuddles.

But he thought that he had probably been with them for at least six months, more or less. That meant all of Dean's old life was probably gone. Though if he was being honest with himself, there hadn’t been much to go back to anyway.

He didn’t have any friends. Even his coworkers hadn’t liked him much; they thought he was too crude and stupid. Which, they weren’t wrong: he had dropped out of high school in his last year, and university had been a laughable idea for most of his life. There was no one who would miss him, and Dean was certain that was the reason that Castiel and Sam Novak had targeted him in the first place.

As he wrapped his arms around himself and shuffled out of the alley, he thought about the shitty room he'd been renting. It had been a real hole in the wall, cold all the time because the heat didn't work and right next door to a bunch of angry, strung-out people who screamed at each other all the time. He had rarely interacted with any of his neighbors because he’d been pretty sure most of them were deep into hard drugs.

When Dean didn’t show up to pay rent, he was certain that the landlord hadn’t thought twice and had just rented the room out to the next poor shmuck who showed up. After all, how many times had renters fled in the middle of the night?

The same thing would’ve applied to his job. When he failed to show up to a couple of shifts, the manager of the convenience store would’ve just replaced him without a second thought. People quit all the time there without warning. It was that sort of job. No one would’ve thought any differently of someone like Dean.

Hell, he didn’t even have a family to miss him!

Well, that wasn't quite true. Dean did have a father, but he wasn't sure anyone would really consider John Winchester a father. The day Dean turned eighteen, John had pulled over on the side of the road and ordered Dean out of the car. That had been about a year and a half before Dean got kidnapped, so maybe two years or so ago now? He had no idea where John had gone or if the man was even alive now.

He bowed his head against the chilly wind and tried to picture telling John that he had been kidnapped.

Ironically, John would probably believe it no problem. Much of the first eighteen years of Dean's life had been spent listening to John criticize him for being too short, too soft, too unmanly. His father would absolutely believe that Dean had been kidnapped, and he would probably mock Dean thoroughly for being so stupid as to get into a stranger's car.

Except that at the time, Cas hadn't been a stranger. He'd been the friendly dude who came into the convenience store every morning at the crack of dawn because he couldn't function without coffee. He'd been one of the few customers who actually treated Dean like a person, not a convenient punching bag. He’d been the nice guy who gave Dean a drive home after a late shift a few times. He'd been...

He was...

Daddy.

The word slithered through Dean's mind, reminiscent of gentle hugs and a loving smile and a raspy voice singing to him, and Dean shuddered.

He hated himself for the hot spot of want that opened up in his chest.

Because he didn't want that. He didn't. He wasn't a child, certainly not a baby, and he didn't want to be treated like one no matter what Cas and Sam said. That was why he was here, shivering as he walked down some street he had never heard of before, instead of tucked into his crib.

"No one tells me what I want," Dean whispered fiercely, clenching his hands. He had bided his time, putting up with all that embarrassing crap, until Sam and Cas grew complacent and he got his moment to his escape.

So now he was here, standing on his own two feet, and the world was wide open before him. All he had to do was get as far away from wherever he was as possible before Cas and Sam (not Daddy and Papa, never Daddy and Papa) figured out that he was gone.

The immediate problem was that he didn't have any money and his legs were extremely shaky. He had done his best to keep them limber, but that was hard when Cas and Sam carried him everywhere. The most they would allow Dean to do was crawl, and that was a more recent development. Even when he was in his wolf form, they wouldn't let him walk. Usually Cas carried him then, by the scruff of Dean's neck. It was almost as embarrassing as being carried on Sam's hip in his human form.

Walking now, though… it was tiring. More tiring than Dean had anticipated. He stopped walking and glanced around, conscious that anyone could be watching him. He didn’t dare to go the police, because there was a good chance they wouldn’t believe him. They might even take him right back to Sam and Cas, and then what? Dean would never get this chance again.

His arms felt okay, so Dean decided to shift. At least then he could better distribute his weight amongst four paws as opposed to two legs. He slipped into another alley and closed his eyes. After a couple of deep breaths, he reached for the part of him that felt more canine than human. The tingly, not-quite-pain of a shift rushed through him dizzyingly fast, leaving him momentarily disoriented.

When he opened his eyes, his eye-level was now below a nearby bench and a whole world of scents had opened up to him that he simply couldn’t sense as a human. Dean inhaled deeply, letting out a low whine when he realized that his own scent was easily distinguishable from the other smells.

When Cas and Sam came tracking him, and he knew that they would, they would definitely know that Dean had been down this road.

He had to get moving then.

He had to put as much distance between himself and them as possible.

Grimly, Dean started running. Luckily, in the past twenty years or so there had been great strides between human and supernatural communities. The few people out on the streets paid no attention to a werewolf running around – even one as young as Dean looked.

It had always been a point of contention with John that Dean’s wolf form looked more like a very young pup. For reasons that were not clear to Dean, his wolf form had never matured. He was pretty sure that it was one of the things that had eventually lead to John kicking him out of the car that day. John had been embarrassed by Dean’s wolf form for as long as Dean could remember.

Cas had told him once that his youthful werewolf form was because Dean's mind was so young, and that he was meant to be a pup forever. Their pup, meaning him and Sam. But Dean refused to believe that. That couldn't be the answer.

It had to be something else. Dean didn't know what, but it had to be.

He ran for what felt like a long time, until his legs were trembling with fatigue, and then he made himself keep going for even longer. It began to rain as he ran, but it was so cold that it was a half-rain, half-sleet. Within minutes, Dean's fur was soaked. But he knew that the rain was a good thing, because it would help to mask his scent, so he didn't mind as much.

When he had left the city behind him, he found his way into the woods. There he laid down for a bit, trembling from both fatigue and the cold. A myriad of thoughts swirled through his head. He would need money, first and foremost. You couldn’t do much in the world without money, and he hadn’t had the chance to steal any from Cas or Sam.

He should have, he realized with a surge of regret.

But he’d been too focused on getting downstairs and out the door. In all his planning, the thought of stopping to grab someone’s wallet had never once crossed his mind. Stupid. The only thing Dean had were the clothes on his back. He had no money, no possessions, nothing.

He curled in on himself. Well, he wasn’t very good at hunting. But he thought he could bring down a rabbit or something like that to keep himself fed until he figured the money situation out. Or maybe he could fish. Fish were pretty easy to catch, right? Only he had nothing to start a fire with, and it was raining anyway, so he’d have to eat whatever he caught raw…

(He refused to think about his warm nursery and the delicious meals that Sam whipped up every night. Living with Cas and Sam, that was the best that Dean had ever eaten. He hadn’t even known food could be like that. But Sam loved to cook almost as much as he loved to bake. The thought of Sam’s food made his mouth water.)

Stop, Dean ordered himself. Stop thinking about it.

He could get a job again, maybe, if he could find shelter and clothes. He knew how to work at retail stores. They were always hiring people for that, right? Somehow, he would figure out a way to work around the fact that he had no way of proving that he had experience.

He looked young, even in his human form. Maybe it would be better to pretend he had no experience at all, and that he was just a fast learner. That would be a laugh. People thinking that Dean Winchester was smart for once.

Dean snorted and shook some water off his snout.

That would be the day.

He’d have to figure out what to do about identification too, he realized. His driver’s licence was long gone. He had no idea what Cas and Sam had done with it. And for that matter, he probably couldn’t use his own identity anyway. They’d be able to track him the way. Winchester wasn’t exactly an unusual name. Might be better to go by his mother’s maiden name. But how to get an I.D.?

He lowered his head and closed his eyes, hoping to sleep at least a bit. But the thoughts, regrets, and fears continued to chase around in his mind long into the night.

Chapter Text

By the time morning dawned, Dean was exhausted, cold, and hungry. It had occurred to him sometime around sunrise that he probably could have planned his escape a lot better in many ways, not the least of which was escaping during the spring or summer would’ve been a lot easier. He wasn’t sure what day it was, but the air had the crisp feeling of fall and the temperatures had worryingly low last night.

He had thought that he might be able to spend a few nights out here – most animals wouldn’t bother a wolf. But he was now being forced to revise that thought. It might not be long before it began to snow, which meant that the temperatures would drop even lower than they already had. Dean had a decent fur coat, but he’d shivered a lot last night. Shelter was going to need to be a priority.

And so, he had slowly come to terms with the fact that he needed to at least consider contacting his father. Asking John for help went against every fiber in Dean’s body, but he knew he needed to be realistic about this. Getting away from Cas and Sam was more important than anything else right now. More important than any blows to Dean’s pride that were going to arise by asking for help.

Or at least, that’s what Dean was telling himself as he got up and stretched weary bones. Figuring out where John was and what the old man was up to seemed like a good first step. He had no idea where John had gone after dumping Dean on the side of the highway. They didn’t have any other family, and John had done a damn good job of burning bridges with any friends – not that Dean would have known how to contact any of them anyway.

He needed access to the internet and unfortunately, Dean didn’t have a phone on him. He’d had a phone once, before he’d been kidnapped, but it wouldn’t have been helpful right now anyway since it couldn’t even connect to the internet; it was some crappy old thing he’d stolen from some guy at a restaurant one day about six years ago. Honestly, Sam had probably taken one look at it and chucked it in the garbage.

His access to electronics as a whole had been extremely limited over the past six or so months. Stealing Sam’s or Cas’s phone hadn’t even occurred to him, but that wouldn’t have helped anyway: he didn’t know their passwords and he was pretty sure that they could have traced him through their phones. Plus, Dean wasn’t even sure if he would’ve known how to use those phones. They looked awfully technical.

So the library it was. Dean was positive that the next town over would have one, and libraries were free for anyone to use, weren’t they? He’d never used one before, but that was what he’d heard. He’d always considered himself too stupid to bother with a library –

(Cas liked to tell him he wasn’t stupid. He got very angry when Dean said otherwise. To this day, Dean didn’t understand why. It wasn’t like it mattered. But his stomach had still fluttered traitorously at the realization that, after a lifetime of hearing that Dean was an idiot, someone else thought otherwise).

Stop thinking about them!

Dean shook his head viciously and growled low in his throat. Why did he keep thinking about Cas and Sam?

Why did it hurt a little bit, the thought that he was never going to see them again?

The past six months had been some of the most embarrassing months of Dean’s life. Being forced to use diapers, being hand-fed, having to drink from a bottle, being carried around, having to play with baby toys, needing to sleep in a crib… all of it was humiliating beyond belief. He wanted to curl up in a little ball when he thought of some of the things he’d been forced to do.

He had told himself that the only thing that made it all bearable was the knowledge that he was going to escape no matter what.

But maybe that wasn’t quite true.

When he closed his eyes, images kept flashing through his head.

Cas standing over the crib, singing lullabies after Dean had a scary nightmares.

Sam working hard on a pecan pie just because it was Dean’s favorite.

Cas cuddling with Dean on the couch and gently rubbing Dean’s back when Dean wasn’t feeling well.

Sam building Dean a swing set outside and then spending hours pushing Dean on the swing just because Dean liked it.

Cas taking time out of his workday to play with Dean when Dean was bored.

Sam figuring out that Dean didn’t like baths and experimenting with toys and bubble bath until Dean was okay with them.

Much as Dean hated to admit it, neither Sam nor Cas had really treated him badly. Both of them had doted on to him to an extent that seemed a little ridiculous in hindsight. He hadn’t really known what that was like before now. They really had acted like his parents. No, not just like his parents: like loving parents. He had wanted for absolutely nothing while he was under their care.

Nothing but his freedom.

And what was freedom worth?

It was troubling that Dean didn’t immediately know the answer to that.

With a heavy sigh, he stood up and shook himself off. Then he started making his way through the forest. It was slower going than he would have liked, since he was forced to constantly keep an ear out for humans or other animals. The sun had risen high in the sky by the time that Dean emerged from the woods on the outskirts of the next town over.

The change back to human hurt a lot more than the change into a wolf had. Dean sat on the ground for a few seconds, catching his breath and blinking back tears afterwards. It startled him to realize that he was unconsciously waiting for someone to come check on him. The last time he’d hurt himself, Cas had cooed all over him for at least half an hour and had even given him a popsicle.

“But you’re not a baby, so you don’t need a popsicle,” Dean said out loud, shaking his head. He dragged himself to his feet with the help of a nearby tree and unsteadily walked into the town.

Finding the library was easy; getting access to a public computer was not. He had to hang around and wait for one to become available. A few people gave him funny looks – he probably looked pretty scruffy after a night in the woods – but thankfully no one challenged him. Dean hadn’t spoken to anyone outside of Cas, Sam, and their small circle of friends and family in months.

The thought of speaking to a stranger made his stomach flutter uncomfortably in ways that he couldn’t put into words. He told himself that it was just because he couldn’t know who was friends with the Novak’s, and not at all because Sam had repeatedly told him that speaking to strangers wasn’t a safe thing to do.

Finally, one of the terminals opened. Dean was quick to slide into the spot, whereupon he found himself faced with a sight he hadn’t seen in a while. When was the last time he’d used a computer? It had been years. Probably before he’d dropped out of high school, and even back then he hadn’t used one much – the people at the school hadn’t exactly trusted him, and it wasn’t like there was space for a computer in the Impala.

But a computer was a computer, right? They couldn’t have changed that much.

The very first thing Dean did was open up Facebook. He had never bothered to make an account before, but he thought there was a chance that John might have one. He carefully typed J-O-H-N-W-I-N-C-H-E-S-T-E-R into the search engine. A ton of results popped up. Much more than Dean would have expected. He stared at the long list in dismay when he realized that it could be narrowed down by location.

He didn’t have the first clue as to where John might live now.

Slowly, he scrolled down the last – and that’s when Dean got his first stroke of good fortune.

John’s face peered out at him from a profile picture.

“Got ya!” Dean whispered, clicking on the link.

It opened up to John’s profile page, which didn’t have a ton of information. But there was enough for Dean to learn that his father was now in California (what? John hated hot weather) and that he was working as a plumber (how had that happened? His father didn’t know the first thing about plumbing!) and that –

Oh.

Dean stilled as his eyes settled on the relationship status. Married. No sooner had the thought crossed his mind that maybe that referred to Mary Winchester than Dean’s gaze dropped down to the first post on John’s page. It was a picture of John and a beautiful woman with blonde hair and a great smile. The woman had her hands on John’s chest in an intimate pose that clearly showed off the engagement and wedding rings she was wearing.

Re-married. John had re-married. Dean didn’t know why that information was throwing him for a loop. Because it made sense, didn’t it? Mary Winchester had passed away when Dean was about five years old. That was ample time for anyone to move on.

But still, something hot and sour settled into the pit of Dean’s stomach as he scrolled down John’s page. For the past twelve or so years, all Dean had ever heard about was that it was his fault that Mary had died. John had made such a huge deal about it that Dean had started to think that John would never re-marry and that Mary had been the only one for him, and that Dean had ruined all of that…

And then Dean came across a post that made him stop.

It was John and that woman. John was holding a baby blanket.

Welcoming Adam Winchester to the world was what the caption said. There was more, but Dean couldn’t read it. He stared at that picture without breathing for several frozen seconds.

John had a kid.

Another kid.

Dean had been replaced.

Numbly, Dean looked at the date on the picture. It was from about a year ago. One of the people who had commented on it was Kate Winchester. When Dean clicked on her profile, a ton more posts showed up. She was clearly a much more avid poster than John was. He found himself scrolling through countless pictures of a smiling baby boy, Kate, and John himself.

Every picture where John was smiling and laughing and cuddling Adam just drove the knife a bit deeper into Dean’s heart.

Somehow, John had become a totally different person. If it weren’t for the names on the profile, Dean would have been certain that this was not his father at all. He would have convinced himself that this was a stranger who just happened to look like John Winchester. But that wasn’t the case.

It was John standing there holding a baby. It was John, laughing and walking after a crawling toddler. It was John on a slide with a baby in his lap. It was John leaning over a crib with the most affectionate smile that Dean had ever seen. It was John cradling a baby while Kate stirred a great big pot on the stove. It was John sleeping on his back on the couch with the baby snoozing on his chest.

It was John.

The computer screen grew blurry. Dean ducked his head, hiding his wet eyes in the crook of his elbow. He struggled to calm down his ragged breathing. The urge to just start bawling was overwhelming, probably because that was what he’d been doing with Sam and Cas for so long. Whenever something was wrong, all Dean had to do was cry and Sam or Cas would fix whatever was wrong.

But this wasn’t something that anyone could fix. The fact was that John had moved on and created a new little family. He probably didn’t even think about Dean anymore. John had forgotten all about him. And why wouldn’t he? Dean was a useless pain in the ass who couldn’t do anything for anyone –

A warm hand settled on Dean’s shoulder, and Dean froze as Gabriel’s voice whispered in his ear.

“Hey kiddo. Are you okay, or do you need a hug?”

Chapter Text

“What are you doing here?” Dean hissed, spinning around. He couldn’t stand up – Gabriel had effectively boxed him in – but he squared his shoulders and attempted to make himself look as intimidating as possible.

Gabriel looked at him with an indulgent expression, exactly the way that someone might look at a small child who had said something very silly. It immediately made Dean feel very little and confused. Gabriel was the person he had spent the most time with after Cas and Sam; he was Cas’s brother and had the most annoying way of being able to make Dean laugh even when Dean didn’t want to.

“Honey, I’ve been following you since you escaped the house. Did you really think that Cassie and Sammy would just let you go wherever you wanted?” Gabriel asked.

Dean tensed. “That’s not true. I escaped.”

“No, they let you go,” Gabriel corrected him.

“No, they didn’t!” Dean exclaimed, maybe a bit too loudly since one of the librarians glared in his direction. Dean couldn’t even muster up an apologetic nod. His head was spinning.

They had let him go?

That couldn’t be true!

Except…

It was pretty good luck that both Cas and Sam had retired early last night. That was unusual because Cas was a real night owl and usually enjoyed staying up late. And instead of leaving their door open like they usually did, it had been closed. That was what had enabled Dean to creep out of the nursery and down the stairs without being noticed. The alarm for the door hadn’t been set either, but he’d thought maybe they had forgotten.

He started to feel silly as he realized that Gabriel had to be right. Of course they had let Dean go. There was no way that he had gotten that lucky so suddenly. This was a set-up. He thought about how proud he’d felt in the alley last night. Now he just felt incredibly stupid. Someone had been watching him the whole time! No wonder nothing had bothered him in the woods last night.

Gabriel was watching him closely, and now gave a satisfied nod. “That’s right. There’s no way you would’ve escaped otherwise.”

“That’s not true,” Dean muttered, except that they both knew that it was. He had more freedom now than he’d had when he was first taken to their house, but he was still kept under incredibly close watch. Even when someone was in the room with him, he was usually locked into his playpen or belted into his bouncer or highchair.

“Yes, it is,” Gabriel said, but kindly.

“But why?” Dean slumped back in the chair, realizing that there was no point in trying to make himself look intimidating now. Not when they had been ten steps ahead of him this whole time.

“Because you needed to see what was waiting out here for you… or what wasn’t waiting for you, as the case is.” Gabriel nodded at the computer behind him.

Dean knew that he shouldn’t, but he couldn’t help himself from looking back at the screen. Part of him hoped that the images on the screen would have magically changed in the past five minutes, but they hadn’t. There was John. There was Kate. There was Adam. That was the happy, smiling, loving family that Dean was never going to have because there was no room for him there.

He bit his lip, trying to hold back the fresh surge of tears that was threatening to burst forth. It just wasn’t fair. Dean wasn’t a bad person. He tried hard in everything that he did. But it just seemed like no matter what he did, he always ended up screwing up. It was no wonder that John had abandoned him on the side of the road and started over with a new family.

“So what?” Dean said when he thought he could speak without crying. His voice trembled very obviously, but he didn’t start bawling and he considered that a huge victory.

“So now you’ve got a decision to make,” said Gabriel.

“A decision?” Dean repeated, turning back to look at Gabriel. Somehow, Gabriel had gotten even closer while Dean was looking at the computer. The rich smell of coffee and sugar made Dean’s head spin. It was such a familiar scent and was usually proceeded by a huge hug or raspberries being blown on his belly or a new toy or a snack.

“You can walk away if you want to. They’ll let you go,” Gabriel told him. “Or you can come back with me.”

Dean blinked at him for a few seconds.

“… What?” he said finally.

“You heard me.” Gabriel folded his arms over his chest and regarded Dean calmly, like he hadn’t just dumped something earth-shattering.

“This is crazy,” Dean said.

Gabriel shook his head. “Nope, it’s not. You get to decide. You come back with me, and you’ll be Cassie’s and Sammy’s pup forever. You know what that entails. But if you say no, then that’s it. You’ll never see any of us again. You’ll be totally on your own.”

The obvious thing to do, of course, was say no. It was exactly what Dean had been longing for all those nights when he was locked into his crib, during all those awful and humiliating diaper changes, through all those bottle feedings and bath times. He hadn’t asked for any of it, and he had wanted nothing more than to escape and forget about everything that had happened to him.

So why wasn’t he saying no?

“Think it over. I’ll be just over there.” Gabriel nodded towards the small canteen that was just to the right of the entrance. There was a cluster of tables there too, though no one was sitting at them. Dean watched mutely as Gabriel walked over. Then he turned back to the computer and stared at the screen again.

The thought of starting over was incredibly daunting. Even if Gabriel gave him some money, Dean didn’t know what he would do. He had no experience. He didn’t even have a high school education. No one was going to hire him, at least not legitimately. If he was lucky, then maybe he’d get hired under the table. If he wasn’t, he might have to resort to prostitution or something like that.

What kind of life would that be? He shuddered inwardly at the thought of working the streets. He had come perilously close to having to do that after John first kicked him out, and at the time he’d sworn to himself that he would never go down that road again. But now he might not have a choice. It wasn’t like any college or university was going to accept him now.

He opened up a new tab and navigated his way to a site that posting job openings. He didn’t care where a job might be; he was willing to move anywhere if only someone would accept him. Even if a job was in like California or somewhere like that, he could figure out a way to get across the country if he knew there was something to go for. But as he scrolled through, his spirits sank lower and lower.

Three years experience.

Five years experience.

Six years experience.

Ten years experience!

Fifteen years of experience?!

Dean’s shoulders slumped and he stared at the screen in dismay. It was absolutely ridiculous! Not only were they asking for way more years of experience than he had, all of the jobs he looked at required experience in very specific things – like an office environment, of which Dean had none. He couldn’t even remember the last time he had stepped into an office.

Even a job as a mechanic wasn’t going to work. He was good with his hands, and he loved working on cars. But all of the mechanic postings that he could see were asking for someone who had both years of experience and some kind of a certificate. Dean had never heard of the certificate before, but he was pretty sure that it cost money to get. Things like that always did.

Out of desperation, he started looking up jobs specifically for people like janitors and construction workers. Those jobs didn’t need much of an education, right? But when he looked at them, he found that he was wrong. Many of them did require an education, and those that didn’t still wanted several years of experience. It seemed like no one was willing to train someone who was just starting out.

He clenched his hands in his lap, willing himself not to cry. This was just horrifically depressing. All those months when he’d dreamt of escape, he hadn’t really thought to himself about what he would do after he escaped. He’d always focused on the part when he would finally get to walk out the door on his own two legs. Now he regretted not having planned more.

Okay. So a job seemed to be out of the question, at least right now. What else could he do?

He could go to John.

Dean winced at the thought and found himself going back to the tab with John’s Facebook. He looked at the beautiful family photos again and tried to imagine what John would do if Dean showed up on his doorstep unexpectedly. It would not be the heart-warming family reunion that most people would think of. He was pretty sure that his father would be completely furious.

After all, that day that John had forced him out of the car, John had made it pretty clear that he never wanted to see Dean again. It seemed likely that John might not have even told Kate that he had another son. While it was tempting to go there and mess John’s happy life up a bit, Dean also knew that it wouldn’t be worth the fall-out. Angering John was a good way to get hit.

He could blackmail his father, he supposed. Threaten to tell Kate about Dean’s existence unless John paid him off. Except that if John had told Kate he existed, then that wouldn’t work and would only serve to piss John off. That didn’t seem like a great idea either.

So that was it then.

No job.

No money.

No shelter.

Not even enough money to buy a damn sandwich.

It all just seemed so hopeless!

So what was the alternative?

Going back with Gabriel. Resigning himself to a life of being treated like a baby. Bottle feedings, diaper changes, nap times. Dean’s stomach curled a bit. It was one thing to be forced into that life, but it felt like something else to openly accept it… did he really want to go down that road? He had always sworn to himself that he never would…

But at least with Cas and Sam, he had a roof over his head. They always fed him, and it was really good food too. He had a comfortable bed and all the things that he could want to play with.

And affectionate? Yeah, there was no denying that Dean had gotten more attention and affection in the past few months than he had in his whole life. He didn’t want to admit it, but he had started to enjoy those moments when he was cuddled up on the couch with Cas and Sam watching television. It was weird, but it had always been really nice at the same time.

What it came down to was that they actually wanted him.

No one had ever wanted Dean.

Was he willing to put up with all of the embarrassing baby crap just for some attention?

That was pretty pathetic.

Dean sighed and hunched his shoulders, rubbing at his eyes. He was tired. So tired. He was also hungry, and he smelled from spending all night in the woods. He was also pretty sure, now that he was paying attention, that he had pissed in his sleep last night, and gotten some urine on his fur. That smell lingered even now that he was back in his human form, which at least explained the wide berth people were giving him.

He could take care of himself somehow if he really had to.

But did he want to?

Should he want to?

Or should he just… give up?

He looked back at the computer screen and, on a whim, typed in a new search. His stomach tightened when a bunch of information about this thing called age play flashed up onto the screen, and he realized that maybe this was an actual thing and it wasn’t just Sam and Cas being weirdos. He glanced over his shoulder just once, making sure that no one was around, before settling to do some research.

Chapter Text

Approximately three hours after Gabriel first approached him, Dean shut down the computer and stood up. A sort of calm resignation had settled over him as he did his research. He had looked into not just age play, but also any family on Mary’s side as well as government assistance programs. He had hit a dead end with family pretty quickly – Mary had been an only child, and all four of Dean’s grandparents were dead.

Even the assistance programs weren’t useful, since he wasn’t a woman and he didn’t have children. There just wasn’t much help out there for a young single man with no dependents – and what he could find had waiting lists that there were about a dozen pages long. It was too little and would take too long to get. The thought of going to a shelter wasn’t appealing either, given the potential dangers.

It seemed like his options were prostitution, homelessness, or going back. None of them were appealing at first glance, but even Dean had to admit to himself that there was a clear winner here. Life with Cas and Sam might have started off against his will, but it was a hell of a lot better than anything Dean had ever had or would ever have anywhere else.

He slowly walked back over to Gabriel, who glanced up at him. There was a half-drunk cup of coffee sitting beside an open magazine, but Dean had the feeling that Gabriel hadn’t been doing much reading. He sat down in the only other chair, conscious of the fact that they weren’t alone. The woman working the canteen wasn’t paying them any attention, but she was still there and that was a little comforting.

“What would you give me, if I said no?” Dean asked.

“You were working at a convenience store, yeah?” Gabriel said, and Dean nodded. “I’ll give you the equivalent to whatever your salary would have been during the months you were with Cas and Sam. And I’ll even throw in an extra thousand on top of it. Consider it to be interest.”

Dean took a moment to do the mental calculation. It was a sobering feeling to realize just how little money that would actually be. He had been barely making ends meet before, after all. That would be enough money to live on for two months, maybe three if he budgeted extremely carefully and didn’t eat much. Maybe enough time to find another crummy job.

But was that what he wanted?

Back to the struggle of constantly trying to find work? Back to worrying about bills all the time? Back to choosing between food in his belly or electricity in the dead of winter? Back to wondering if he was going to be evicted at any moment? To a shitty apartment that had more mice than people?

Or was it better to sacrifice his pride and go back to where he was always well cared for, always fed, always had a roof over his head, and always…

Dare he even think it…

Loved?

“You could go to the police if you wanted, but they won’t help you bring charges against Cas and Sam,” Gabriel added. “We have a lot of friends in high places.”

“Of course you do,” Dean said, entirely unsurprised by that. Honestly, in the cold light of day, the thought of going to the police still wasn’t an appealing one even if they would have helped. The last thing Dean wanted was for this to be plastered all over the world.

Or worse yet, for him to go to the police and for them to think he was making it all up. That would be the ultimate humiliation, wouldn’t it? And that’s probably what would happen. What kind of person would kidnap someone just to force them to be a baby? It sounded ludicrous even to Dean and he was the one who had been living that very existence!

“I just thought you should now,” Gabriel said with a shrug. “So?”

“I don’t know what to do,” Dean admitted, sinking down into a chair. He stared at the table, feeling tired.

It was probably stupid to think about going back to the people who had literally kidnapped him. But he had explored every other option at this point.

He could walk away.

But to what? There was nothing out there for him. Literally nothing. At this point, walking away would be nothing more than a point of pride. A way for him to save face after spending the last several months insisting that he hated everything about the treatment that Cas and Sam had forced on him. Because if he went back now, they would know he hadn’t minded it after all…

“Dean, let me ask you something,” Gabriel said. It was unusual to hear Gabriel talking so seriously, and it was enough to make Dean look up at him.

“What?” he asked with some wariness.

“I know that you were kidnapped, and that you were forced into being a baby. I get that.” Gabriel waved a hand, as though to dismiss all ‘that’. “What I really want to know is… at any point during the time you were with Cas and Sam, did you enjoy it?”

That was the question that Dean didn’t want to answer.

Because the answer was yes.

The baby shit had been nothing more than pure humiliation at first, but eventually the weirdness had worn off a bit and Dean had started to get used to it. He’d even started to think that the fact that Cas and Sam loved him so much made up for the baby shit. Dean had never been loved before, not like that, and it felt like something inside of him pulsed with pure pleasure every time Sam baked him a pie or Castiel rubbed his back as he fell asleep.

“Regardless of whether your answer is yes or not, I think you know what that means,” Gabriel went on, giving him a kind look. “I know that going back wouldn’t be easy, but neither would making your own way in the world. I’ll be honest with you. You’ll never find anyone to give you what Sam and Cas give you.”

“What, the ability to crap myself?” Dean snapped.

Gabriel looked at him calmly, undeterred. “No. Unconditional love.”

Dean reared back as though he’d been slapped. It was one thing to think it. It was something other than entirely to hear someone else say it out loud.

“Now choose,” Gabriel commanded.

“I want to go back.”

The words popped out before Dean could stop himself. After so long of being conditioned to obey the adults around him, he just couldn’t help himself. It was automatic to do what they said, when they said, how they said, in order to avoid being punished. And it was fair, because Gabriel hadn’t told him how to choose – merely that Dean had to decide.

Gabriel smiled then. “Okay.”

That was it.

No “I knew it” or “You’re so predictable”.

Just calm and easy acceptance.

That made it easier for Dean to come to terms with what he’d just agreed to. While Gabriel got up and disposed of his coffee cup, Dean sat there and mentally said good-bye to any dreams of freedom he’d ever possessed. He didn’t know what he’d expected to feel, but a weird sensation of resigned exhaustion was not it. All he really wanted to do was go to sleep. An uncomfortable night in a forest didn’t exactly equal a good night’s sleep.

“Ready?” Gabriel asked, pausing by the table, and Dean nodded and got up. He trailed Gabriel outside the library and down to the parking lot. Gabriel’s car was parked there waiting for them. Gabriel opened up the back door and Dean immediately blushed.

“Did… did you have to bring that?” he stammered, looking around self-consciously.

‘That’ was a modified, adult-sized car seat. When Dean was set into it, he couldn’t get free. One strap across each shoulder, plus a strap between his legs, all of which connected into a circular hook that could only be undone by either fingerprint ID or a code that Dean didn’t know, kept him firmly in place. Even his werewolf strength wasn’t enough to destroy those straps.

“It’s your car seat, kiddo. It’s the safest way for you to travel,” Gabriel said with a stern look. “Now come on, hop in.”

Dean had never actually gotten into the car seat himself. He blushed even deeper, looking over his shoulder. There was still time. He could run away again. He didn’t have to go…

He cleared his throat and, not looking at Gabriel, stepped back and got into the car. He sank back against the car seat. Gabriel leaned in and pulled the straps into place, just like Sam usually did. Within seconds, Dean was locked in. It should’ve felt restricted, but actually a sense of calm washed over Dean as soon as the straps were in place. As humiliating as this was, it was also very reassuring and soothing.

“There! All good,” Gabriel said cheerfully. He patted Dean’s knee. “We’ll get you home, baby boy. Your papa and daddy are waiting for you.”

He shut the door before Dean could respond and got into the front seat of the car. As Gabriel started the car, Dean stared out the window. Part of him still couldn’t believe had had willingly given in. After waiting this long, he had squandered his precious opportunity. The Dean of several months ago would have punched current Dean in the face for being so stupid.

But that Dean had been proud, so very proud, and pride wasn’t really something that Dean had a lot of these days. He had started to learn that sometimes pride could be over-rated when it came at the expense of things like a roof over his head and people who loved him.

At some point, he must have drifted off – driving had always relaxed him, and there was really nothing else to do when he was in his car seat since Gabriel hadn’t thought to bring any toys for him. He jerked awake, muffled and disoriented, some time later when the car jolted to a stop. He lifted his head dizzily as the front door opened and then slammed shut.

Gabriel had gone. Gabriel had gone without him. Dean squirmed a little, then paused. There was a very uncomfortable wet feeling around his thighs, and he belatedly realized he’d wet himself while he was asleep. Oh god. Maybe it was for the better that he’d come back, since apparently his body had gotten too used to being able to piss itself whenever it wanted. He couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to have to regain that control over his bladder and bowels.

The car door was wrenched open suddenly, and Dean jumped in surprise even as his head snapped around. There was just enough time for him to realize that it was Cas before Cas was on him. Arms were thrown around Dean’s neck and chest, and he squeaked helplessly as he was drawn into a hug so tight that all of the air was forced out of his lungs. His hands wavered awkwardly in the air.

“Cas, come on. You’re squeezing him too hard. Dean is fragile, remember? At least let him out of his car seat.” Sam was here too, putting a gently restraining hand on Cas’s shoulder.

“Right, of course.” Cas pulled back, and Dean was both bemused and awed to see that there were actual tears on Cas’s face.

Up until now, he hadn’t really stopped to consider how his departure had affected Cas and Sam. It just hadn’t crossed his mind to even take them into account when he was trying to figure out whether he was going to come back or not. And maybe that wasn’t a bad thing. For once in his life, Dean had made a decision that was completely about Dean. It was a whole new feeling.

But looking up at the two of them, Dean could see how badly they had wanted him to come back and how scared they must have been that he would decide not to. Cas was visibly shaking, and Sam looked like he’d aged about five years in the span of one night. The two of them were looking at him like he was the most valuable thing in the world, and that was a pretty jarring feeling when you took into consideration that the two of them were millionaires.

“Here, Dean.” Sam leaned in and undid the straps. Something that Dean could struggle so hard against parted as though by magic beneath Sam’s big hands. Then Sam slid his hands under Dean’s arms and carefully lifted Dean out of the car seat.

Dean expected to be set down on his own two feet, but this was Cas and Sam they were talking about: Sam started to bring him in close so that he could set Dean on his hip the way he normally would. Dean panicked, pushing at his chest instead.

“Don’t! I’m wet,” he said, blushing furiously. The last thing he wanted was to get Sam’s nice clothing all covered in piss.

“It’s fine. I can change,” Sam said kindly, and moments later Dean was perched on his hip. Dean let his legs dangle, but he couldn’t help leaning in to wrap his arms around Sam’s neck.

It felt good to be held.

It always had.

“Thank you so much, Gabriel,” Cas said.

“It was my pleasure, Cassie,” Gabriel said. He added something else, but the wind blew the words away from Dean’s ears as Sam carried him into the mansion. They went right up the stairs. Dean looked over Sam’s shoulder, watching the steps fall away. Remembering how proud and guilty and conflicted he’d felt running down those stairs just last night.

Sam carried him into the bathroom and set Dean down on the toilet. Then he crouched down in front of Dean with a very serious look and said, “Gabriel didn’t coerce you into coming back, did he?”

“No,” Dean said, a little startled by the question.

“Good. I just wanted to know. I wouldn’t put it past him if he had,” Sam said, shaking his head. “I knew you’d choose to come back. Cas wasn’t so sure.”

Dean frowned a bit. “How did you know?”

“Because we’re your parents, and this is your home,” Sam said simply, as though it was really that easy.

Maybe it was. Dean didn’t know anymore. But what he did know was that he was exhausted, and he really just wanted to snuggle down on the couch and sleep for a while longer. At least that was one good thing about his life here. He didn’t really have to do anything but relax, watch television, play, help Sam cook and bake, and basically just act like a little kid. It was the least stressed Dean had ever been.

First though, he needed to get clean. Which Dean had been expecting because he was filthy after everything. It felt really good to sink down into a hot bubble bath. When Sam and Cas first started giving him baths, it had been mortifying. But now it had been so long, and they had seen him naked so many times, that it no longer bothered Dean the way it once had.

He dozed through the bath, knowing that Sam wouldn’t let him drown, and only really woke when Sam lifted him out. He remained quiet as Sam dried him off and got a diaper onto him, though he couldn’t help making a face. The diaper was the one thing Dean really hadn’t missed, but he knew better than to even bring up not wearing one. His own body had already betrayed him once today, and it would do so again soon.

Once he was dressed, Sam picked him up again and carried him back downstairs. Cas was waiting in the living room on the couch. He was wrapped up in a blanket, but there was room beside him: a perfect, Dean-sized hole amidst a bunch of toys. Sam walked over and set Dean down. Dean immediately cuddled into the blanket, grabbing his favorite stuffed toy and holding it to his chest.

“I’m so glad you’re back, sweetie,” Cas whispered to him, wrapping the blanket securely around Dean.

“I’m going to make supper,” Sam said, backing towards the door. He kept his gaze on Dean for as long as he could, until he had to look away to get into the kitchen.

“Want a bottle? I made one up for you.” Cas showed him the bottle. Dean’s stomach growled. He opened his mouth. Cas smiled and pushed the nipple into his mouth. Dean leaned Cas’s side and sucked.

He was home.