Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Aelin Galathynius was failing. Officially. She was taking the bare minimum credit hours she needed for the semester, trying to do online classes instead of in person to give herself a bit more leeway, and she was still failing. 

And it sucked . 

Because now she had to take more time away from working, more time away from other things, to sign up for tutoring. 

To clarify, it was really just her Introduction to Statistics class she was failing, a credit necessary for her business degree. She wouldn’t have taken it if she didn’t need to. Math had never made much such sense to her, it didn’t connect in her head very well. Which wasn’t a good indicator for her success at studying business, but she was nothing if not persistent. 

She would own her own damn bookstore at some point in her life if it was the last thing she did. 

But she needed this degree first. 

Aelin sighed, dropping her head into her hands and running her fingers roughly through her hair as she rested her elbows on the dingy cafe table, taking one single second to close her eyes. 

She was only twenty one, she was too young to be this tired. 

She hadn’t even had the opportunity to start college right out of high school like most people did, so she was technically in her freshman year. Which meant she had three more years of this torture. 

The bell on the cafe door rang, and she looked up, meeting her tutor’s green eyes as he trudged over to where she was sitting, a scowl on his face. 

Rowan Whitethorn. 

Aelin had never really had much of an opportunity to talk to him, because while he was only a bit older than her, he was a senior, which meant none of their classes were the same even though they were in the same major. But she knew who he was, simply because all of her professors raved about him. He was a genius, a marvelous student, a delight to have in class, and now her tutor. 

She didn’t know what those professors were talking about either, because from what she could pick up on, the man was a perpetual grump. 

This was their first official tutoring session, and she wasn’t very excited for how it would turn out. It was an hour long, but it was eating into her shift, and she wasn’t going to make Emrys pay her for when she wasn’t working, so she wanted to get it over and done with quickly.

Aelin didn’t need anyone’s help, she’d figure out how to pass stats on her own. But she didn’t protest as Rowan sat down, pulling out his laptop and notebook. She already had her notebook and calculator out; she didn’t want her laptop on the table. Maybe it would’ve been useful, but it was old and breaking, the only one she could get for cheap enough, and she didn’t want him judging her for it.

“So,” Rowan said, typing something on his computer, “how do we want to approach this? Do you want to go over the most recent unit, or go all the way back to the beginning of the content and start from there?” Aelin hesitated, narrowing her eyes at him.

“I just want to be able to pass my next test,” she said honestly. He quirked a brow.

“And what did you get on your last test?” His voice was judgemental. She leaned back in her seat, crossing her arms defensively over her chest. She hated being judged, with every fiber of her being. It brought back memories of a sneering face, pointed comments and blows to her skin when she didn’t listen. She wasn’t eager to repeat any of that, no matter what came out of it.

But Rowan was waiting for an answer, superior looking in his little sweater and khaki pants, so she huffed a sigh, looking down at the table as she muttered quietly, “a 38%”. His brows shot up in shock, and it made her start rambling. “But if I do well enough on the next test, it can average out to a passing score, so that’s just what I need to focus on.” Her heart was beating quickly, her hands shaking as she thought about how bad it was.

“Would it just be better if you dropped the class and took it again next semester?” He asked hesitantly, and she scoffed, which made his face harden. She didn’t have the money for that.

“Isn’t it your job to make sure I don’t have to do that?” Her voice was unnecessarily harsh, but she didn’t really care. Aelin was glad the cafe wasn’t very busy at the moment; there weren’t as many prying eyes around. 

“I can only help so much.” The words were paired with a damn pointed look and she felt a flicker of hurt rush through her veins.

“I’m not a child,” she spit tensely, “I am perfectly mentally capable of passing this class.”

“Then why aren’t you?” Rowan replied, with just as much of a bite. Aelin’s eyes flickered behind the counter of the store, toward the door to the back room. 

“I have my reasons.”

“Really?” His voice was dismissive. “You’re what, 20, 21?” Her nonanswer was answer enough. “I don’t know what reasons you have because to me it looks like you wasted your first couple years after high school, maybe partying or something on daddy’s dime, and now you’re learning that the real world isn’t that easy. That you can’t get by with a few bats of your eyelashes and a few bucks. I’ve seen it before.”

“Excuse me?” She couldn’t believe her ears. That was so unbelievably far from the truth. “What gives you the right to -”

“Aelin!” Emrys called happily, walking over to their table with a steaming cup of coffee in his hand. She normally was an iced coffee person, but the weather was so cold outside she needed something warm. “How’s everything going over here?” He set the coffee down in front of her, eyes flickering back and forth between the two of them.

“Fine,” she muttered, taking a burning sip of the drink before looking back up at the man. “It may be over sooner than an hour though, so I’ll get back to work as quickly as I can.” She didn’t miss the way Rowan’s brows shot up.

“Oh don’t rush, lass,” Emrys said, “I’m more than enough at the counter right now.” He chuckled. “Luca hasn’t even needed to leave the back yet.” She loosed a breath that was half a laugh, half a sigh of relief, with maybe a tinge of pure exhaustion. She was grateful this was the job she had, surrounded by these people who had her back, she just wished everything were different. She wished she hadn’t been that naive eighteen year old girl, too bright eyed yet already traumatized to notice that something was off. 

Life would be so much different if he’d never come into it.

“Okay,” Aelin said hesitantly, “just let me know. I’m more than willing to help out as much as I can. I’d stay late even, but - you know”

“Don’t worry about it.” He waved his hand dismissively. “You could use a good night’s sleep.” She thanked him quietly and then he was walking away, and she turned back to Rowan, who was looking at her quizzically.

“You work here?” He asked hesitantly, and she nodded.

“I’m paying for college myself,” she said accusatory, “that doesn’t fit your narrative does it?”

He opened his mouth to say something, what she didn’t know, but he was interrupted by the loud sound of a baby’s cry. Aelin cursed. Rowan’s brows furrowed in confusion, but she just sighed and stood up out of her chair, immediately turning toward the back room, where Luca was pushing open the door, a baby in his arms and a panicked look on his face.

“I’m so sorry, Aelin,” he apologized, carrying the baby, her baby, over to her. “I just couldn’t get her to stop crying. I wouldn’t have bothered you but she keeps calling for you.” 

Just then, she screamed “momma!” At an almost ear splitting level, and Aelin immediately reached out for her, taking her from Luca.

“Of course,” she tried to laugh it off, ignoring Rowan’s burning gaze. “That’s the only word she knows so far.” She adjusted her grip on her daughter so she was able to bounce her softly, rocking with her to calm the crying. “It’s okay, Li,” she murmured quietly, “momma’s here, everything’s alright.” 

Elia seemed inconsolable, crying and kicking with her little one year old limbs, but Aelin just held her close, rocking her back and forth and smoothing her hand over her thin dark red locks, and soon enough, she was quieting down, her cries turning into whimpers. 

This was why it was so hard to pass, why it was so hard to work as much as she needed to, why it was nearly impossible to do anything with ease. She had a daughter to take care of, with next to no help, and no family to support her. Any friends she’d had when she was younger that could’ve possibly helped were gone after the first few months of hell, and then any opportunity of reconnecting with them was gone when she managed to skip town after finding out she was pregnant. 

The father was still out there, so she’d never return to Rifthold again.

After a few minutes of cooing to Elia, shushing her and swaying with her, Aelin managed to get them both back into the seat, holding her daughter on her lap as she looked back up at Rowan, who was still looking at her like he’d just been told unicorns are real.

“You have a daughter?” He asked, his voice strangled. She nodded. If it wasn’t for the way Elia had called her momma, there would still be no mistaking where she came from. Their hair may not be the same, but her daughter had her eyes. Those brilliant turquoise eyes with the streak of gold. And then, shocking the hell out of her, Rowan said “she’s beautiful.”

“Thank you,” Aelin said quietly, a genuine smile on her face as Elia curled into her. She cleared her throat, looking up at the other man with a seriousness she hadn’t had all afternoon. “So what do I need to do to pass this class?”

-----

Turns out, Emrys didn’t even let her stay her whole shift, kicking her out after tutoring finished with the promise of still paying her for the evening no matter how much Aelin protested. But she didn’t protest too much. It was already dark and cold outside, and it would only be worse the later it went, so it was better to get Elia home soon.

Especially because they’d be walking.

Aelin sighed as she tightened her thick coat around herself, pulling on her gloves and her scarf before doing the same to her daughter, pulling a knit hat down over her red hair and little ears.

But as soon as they stepped outside, Aelin already shivering from the cold, a car pulled up in front of the cafe, making her hesitate. But the rolled down window revealed it was Rowan, and she relaxed a bit.

“Do you need a ride home?” He asked her, and she was about to shake her head when he insisted, “it’s freezing out here, Aelin. You shouldn’t be walking.”

So she sighed and walked toward the car, opening the passenger side door and sliding into the seat. She was immediately met with deliciously warm air, heating her up all the way down to her toes. “Thank you,” she murmured, buckling her and Elia in as he started the car again.

“No problem,” he said, his eyes out on the road. “Where am I bringing you?” She gave him her address, ignoring the way his mouth tightened. She didn’t live in the best area of town, she knew that. In fact, she had three locks on her apartment door, just in case, but she still didn’t want to be judged.

They drove in silence, the only sound Elia’s incoherent babbling as they made their way closer and closer to home. Aelin was still brushing her hair softly, comforting the little girl even though she hadn’t been crying in a while.

And when they pulled up to her apartment complex, she felt a flicker of shame at the way it was crumbling, the way the facade was peeling, the paint scraping off, but she refused to feel embarrassed. So she just opened the door, hosting her daughter into her arms as she climbed onto the sidewalk, getting her keys out of her pocket. 

But before she left, she turned back to look at Rowan, who was still looking at her with guarded eyes. “Same time thursday?” She asked hesitantly, not liking to admit she needed help, but still needing it.

Rowan nodded, his green eyes sincere as he confirmed “Same time thursday.”

Chapter Text

The next few tutoring sessions went fairly well. Aelin was still struggling with the material, but she felt at least a bit more prepared for her next exam, more than she had been before. 

Rowan was actually a good teacher, no matter how much she’d complained at first. Every session he’d go through another small and focused section of material before giving her practice questions and eventually ending with a little quiz to see how she was doing. 

She wasn’t excelling, but she was passing. 

On some occasions, when the cafe was busier and neither Luca or Emrys could be spared, Aelin had to take Elia while trying to learn, holding her on her lap or on the chair next to her as she stared hard at Rowan’s computer. Elia had been pretty good about it actually, she was a patient little girl, which was exceedingly useful. 

Although, she didn’t know if it was as much patience as it was utter fascination with Rowan. Elia would be sitting on Aelin’s lap as she did some practice problems, and just stare at Rowan with her big blue eyes. She didn’t know why, but it made her laugh. 

Rowan didn’t seem to mind, although he usually just didn’t say anything about it. While they weren’t as outright bitter with each other anymore, there was still a layer of awkward tension . Aelin didn’t want to have to do this, and it seemed he just wanted to get it over and done with too. 

She couldn’t hate someone who’d gone out of his way to drive her home in the cold that one night, but she didn’t really know what to say to him besides just talking about math.

That changed one late afternoon, three weeks out from her exam, when the cafe was unusually busy. Aelin had been working on some practice problems, Rowan typing away a storm on his laptop while he timed her, Elia sitting on her lap, sucking on her pacifier while staring at Rowan yet again. But Emrys and Luca were swamped, rushing back and forth from the drinks to the register and back to fill out everyone’s orders, and when Luca looked at her pleadingly, almost begging her to come help, Aelin couldn’t say no. Not after everything they’d done for her. 

So she sighed, dropping her pencil and earning a confused look from Rowan. Elia gurgled, and Aelin only hesitated a little before asking him, “I’m so sorry, but do you mind watching Elia for a few minutes? Just until this wave of people is out? I need to help them at the counter.” 

Rowan’s eyes were wide, his face pale like he’d just been asked to tap dance in front of a crowd of people, but he nodded stiffly, removing his hands slowly from his laptop. 

“She won’t be a bother,” she rambled, standing and picking up her daughter. “But she‘ll probably want to sit on your lap.” 

“That’s - fine,” he said stiltedly, and she raised a brow at him as she passed Elia to him, the little girl immediately making more babbling sounds. He took her from her carefully, and Aelin didn’t even wait to see what happened before heading up toward the counter, sliding carefully behind it to relieve Luca from the register. 

Elia was in her “stranger danger” phase, but she seemed alright by the man, so it wouldn’t be too risky. Besides, Aelin was right there and watching and could take over if Elia wasn’t doing well. And she could also watch Rowan to make sure he was someone she could trust, although she had an instinct that he was. 

“Thank you, Aelin,” Luca said gratefully, “you’re a blessing.” That made her chuckle. 

“It’s literally my job,” she teased, “you don’t have to thank me for doing my job.” 

Luca just laughed, tossing a towel at her as he went to go make drinks. Aelin turned and put on her work smile for the next customer, quickly taking their drink order and passing it on to Luca. 

It kept going like that for a few customers, and when one customer was looking for his wallet, she chanced a glance over to Rowan, an unidentifiable warm feeling springing up in her chest. 

He was back on his laptop, scrolling through email probably, but his other hand was on Elia’s back, holding her while she curled into him. She was sleeping, her pacifier hanging loosely out of her mouth as she breathed in and out. 

A soft smile flickered on Aelin’s face at the sight, her hands stalling on the screen as her gaze stayed glued to it. 

“Miss, miss!” 

Aelin swung her head back to the register, meeting the eyes of the customer she was serving, his wallet in his hand with his card pulled out in his other. He was clearly waiting on her. 

“Oh I’m sorry! I lost my head for a second.” She hates how she sounded when talking to customers, her work voice, but she couldn’t be as dismal and rude to them as she wanted to be, so she had to deal with it. She took his card, swiping it for him and handing him back the card with his receipt. “Your coffee will be ready to pick up over there.” She smiled, and he didn’t even bother saying anything before walking away. 

She sighed, scrubbing at her face before smiling at the next customer. 

And so it went. 

For the next twenty minutes, she fought through the crowd of people, occasionally rushing and helping with making the drinks, before slowly, and eventually, the crowd dwindled back to a normal size. 

“Go back to your handsome tutor, lass,” Emrys said eventually, shooting her a smile that she raised her brows at. “I only employ people with college degrees after all.” She snorted at the obvious lie, given Luca was only 16, but took off her apron anyway. 

“I should only have about half an hour left,” Aelin explained, “so I’ll be back to work soon.” 

Emrys just waved her off and she slid back out from behind the counter, returning to her table by the window. 

Elia was still sleeping, and Rowan made no move to hand her back, so Aelin just sat down, grabbing her pencil and paper again. 

“Sorry about that,” she said quietly, trying not to wake her daughter up, “I’ll finish these up quickly.” 

“It’s fine,” he said, “and don’t rush. Try to think through your answers instead of just guessing based on instinct.” 

Aelin nodded and loosed a breath, looking down at her paper. She needed to find an actual daycare for Elia, instead of just touting her around everywhere, shoving her onto her boss when she couldn’t take care of her herself. But daycares were expensive. And while Emrys paid her a way too generous salary, she had so many other expenses to think of. She had a whole bank account to inherit from her parents, but that was still tied up, so she didn’t have access to that small fortune. 

But she could do it on her own. She had so far. The pregnancy, the birth, those terrifying months when she thought he’d find her, all the months since then when she struggled to put food on the table, automatically choosing to feed Elia and go hungry herself. 

Her daughter was first, always.

———

Rowan was just heading out the door when he popped the question. He’d given back custody of Elia after her daughter woke up, crying for food. Aelin had gotten her a yogurt from her purse in the back, helping her eat it while Rowan graded her practice quiz.

And Aelin was grabbing her daughter, about to go back to work when he stopped her, hesitating before asking her when she raised her eyebrows.

“I’m going out to the bar with a couple of friends later, I was wondering if you wanted to go?” He started backtracking when she stayed silent. “You don’t have to, and I know you probably have better things to do. But just in case you wanted to get out of the house for a bit…”

“Oh,” she said, shocked, but she quickly turned it into a smile, teasing him. “Are you saying, Rowan Whitethorn, that you actually do other things than schoolwork?”

He chuckled, looking down and running his hand through his hair. “We’ll be at Maeve’s,” he said instead of answering, “at eight in case you decide you want to go.”

She smiled weakly, clutching Elia tight to her. “I’ll think about it.”

He nodded and then left the cafe. Aelin sighed, bouncing Elia softly as she made her back up to the counter. Only to meet Emrys’ burning gaze.

“If you don’t go out with that nice man,” he shook his head, clicking his tongue. Aelin snorted, using humor to avoid the unspoken question. “Don’t let this opportunity pass you, Aelin.”

“What am I supposed to do with Elia, hm?” She asked him, shifting her daughter to hold her with one hand as she grabbed her apron with the other.

“What time does your shift end?” Emrys asked, already knowing the answer and crossing his arms. “Seven right?” She nodded sulkily. “So go get ready, and then drop off the little angel with me and Malakai. We’ll babysit for the night.” 

“Emrys, I can’t ask yo-”

“Nope.” He shook his head. “I don’t want to hear it. You take this chance to go out and have fun, we’ll take care of everything else.” Aelin opened her mouth to protest, but shut it when Emrys just shook his head. “Don’t even try.”

She chuckled quietly. “Thank you, Emrys.”

-------

Aelin was nervous. She was self aware enough to admit it. Maybe it was because Elia was out of her sight and reach, although she always was when Aelin had class, so the answer for her nerves was probably more due to the fact that she was actually hanging out with people for the first time in… years.

It hadn’t been since she was freshly eighteen, just after the accident, before everything had gone downhill, that she’d actually had an opportunity to go have fun. It was just her and Elia now, and before that it had just been her and - well, she didn’t like to think about him.

She shuddered, dread racing through her, but she ignored it, pushing her way into the bar. Maeve’s. 

It was easy to spot Rowan, his silvery hair like a beacon across the crowded room, and she made her way over to his table, eyes landing on the friends around him. Two friends to be exact. She immediately catalogued everything about them, their hair and stature and general vibe, to see if either of them were questionable, but they seemed normal.

The one sitting on the opposite side of the booth from Rowan was exceedingly tall and brunette, a sullen expression on his face. And to the left of him was a man exactly his opposite, shorter with golden hair, and an annoyingly chipper expression on his.

Aelin kept her face neutral as she wandered over there, only smiling tightly at Rowan when he looked over and saw her, his face brightening in surprise.

“I didn’t think you’d make it,” he said, scooting over so she could slide in next to him. 

“I was coerced,” she said, smiling sardonically. He chuckled, before turning to his friends.

“This is Lorcan Salvaterre and Fenrys Moonbeam,” he introduced, “Lorcan is a senior like me, and Fenrys works at this bar.” She nodded at them in greeting. “This is Aelin Galathynius, she’s the student I’m tutoring.” Fenrys’ brows raised.

“The freshman?” He chuckled. “How are you even allowed in here?” She narrowed her eyes at him, smiling dangerously.

“I’m twenty one disphit, how are you even allowed to work here?” Rowan chuckled next to her, and Lorcan just huffed. Fenrys snorted, leaning back in his seat and taking a large gulp of his beer.

“What am I supposed to think? You dress like you’ve never been in a bar before.” Aelin looked down at her attire, fidgeting. She hadn’t been sure what the dress code was, so she was just in a simple pair of jeans and a tank top, while everyone else was nicer, in dresses and better shirts and pants. 

It wasn’t like she had the money to afford any of that stuff, as she hadn’t taken any of her fancy clothes with her, and the stay at the domestic abuse shelter didn’t really leave her with a lot of resources. And besides, she hadn’t been in a bar before. So he wasn’t technically wrong. 

She’d only turned twenty one recently, and previously, she hadn’t really been allowed to go out, and when she could, she didn’t. 

An awkward silence filled the table, and she was grateful for Rowan when he spoke. 

“Do you want something to drink?” He asked her, and she nodded carefully. 

“Just some water, please.” He raised a brow at her answer. An uncomfortable warm feeling filled her gut at the sight, her cheeks flushing as he looked at her. 

“Just water? You are twenty one right?” He joked, and she scoffed. 

“I do have a one year old to get home to, Rowan,” she smiled, “you know that.” Aelin heard fenrys choke on his drink, but she didn’t look away from Rowan, who furrowed his brows. 

“Yeah, where is she?” He asked her, “she’s not home alone right?” 

From anyone else, the words would seem judgemental, but from him they just sounded concerned. She felt that warm feeling again. 

“She’s with Emrys and Malakai tonight,” she explained, watching him deflate with relief. “They practically forced me to let them babysit.” She finally looked away, her face burning, and met fenrys’ gaze, as he darted his eyes back and forth between her and Rowan. 

“You have a kid,” he said, like he was trying to reason it out in his head. His eyes darted to Rowan again. “And you know this, and you’re - fine?” 

Her brows furrowed, watching Rowan as he shook his head tightly at Fenrys, like he was telling him to shut up. She was missing something. 

“I’ll go grab your water,” Rowan said, and she got out of the booth to let him out, giving him a tight smile as he left. 

Lorcan was muttering something to Fenrys when she sat back down, so she just sat quietly, not saying anything. She was the stranger here, she wasn’t going to butt in on their business. Or Rowan’s business. She didn’t know him, not really. 

Aelin looked at the table, picking at a loose drink napkin as she waited for him to get back. She leaned against the wood of the booth, studiously avoiding Fenrys’ burning stare. The music in the bar was crappy, but she focused on that to keep from worrying about Elia. She was fine, she was fine, they both were fine. 

Rowan returned quickly, carrying an ice cold water and a piece of paper. Instead of waiting for her to get out, he just slid into the seat she’d been sitting in, saving her from moving. 

“Here you go.” He set her drink in front of her on the table. She smiled quickly before taking a sip, the cool liquid refreshing in her throat. “And the bartender said this was for you too. Someone gave it to him to pass along.” He handed her the piece of paper, and she furrowed her brows, a feeling of deep deep dread settling in her gut. 

Her hand was shaking as she grabbed it, forcing her to try a few times to open it up. Her face blanched, a strangled gasp escaping her as she read the words on it, printed in an all too familiar handwriting. 

I Found You

Chapter Text

“Elia,” was the first word out of her mouth, in a sort of strangled gasp of a voice. Aelin wasn't sure if any of them understood her, but she didn’t care. She needed to go, she needed to leave, now. 

This was a bad idea, this was a bad idea. 

“Aelin-“ Rowan said hesitantly, “what’s wrong?” She didn’t answer, barely even hearing him with all the alarm bells going off in her head. The note crumpled in her fist, and she threw her head around, scanning the bar quickly for any kind of sign of who’d given it to the bartender. 

Fuck, was he here himself? Panic filled her chest, making it hard to breathe. 

“I need to go,” she breathed, “I need to get to Elia.” 

Gods forbid he’d gotten to her first. 

“Why? Is she okay?” Rowan pressed, concern in his voice clear, but thankfully he moved quickly out of her way, clearing the way for her to get out of the booth. His friends were just staring at them, knowing that this wasn’t really their place to intervene. 

Aelin didn’t bother to respond, just grabbing her phone and practically running toward the door. At this point, she didn’t even care who was in the bar with her, the nagging in her head telling her to go, go, go. She cared way less about herself than she did about her daughter, which was why it took her so long to leave in the first place. 

She burst out of the doors out onto the darkened street, throwing her coat on over her tank top as she prepared to run in the cold. That’s how she’d gotten there after all, she could make her way on foot. 

“Aelin!” Rowan called out after her, but she didn’t bother slowing down as he ran to catch up, panic driving her every step. She needed to get to her, she needed to get to her right now. 

Her short breaths made clouds in the cold air, but she didn’t feel the iciness in her lungs, everything but her pure determination and fear just frozen. 

“Aelin,” he repeated, grabbing her arm and pulling her to a stop. She yanked it back, stumbling a step away from him, her eyes wide as harsh memories flickered through her mind at the forceful touch. He froze at her sudden reaction, taking a step back himself to give her space, and when she saw him panting, it was only then she realized how far from the bar she’d gotten. “I have a car,” he said breathlessly, “that’ll be faster.”

Her eyes naturally flicked up and down the street, scanning for any suspicious people, the note still clutched tightly in her hand, but she nodded. “Okay,” she said quickly, emphasizing her urgency. But Rowan seemed to understand, pulling his keys efficiently from his own jacket as they made their way quickly to where he was parked on the street. 

“We have to hurry,” she said in a rush, biting her lip and bouncing her leg out of nerves as he pulled out of the spot and onto the street. “We have to get there, we have to get there now,” her voice shook. “I need to know she’s safe Rowan, I need to know.” 

He asked for Emrys’ address, and she gave it to him quickly as she pulled out her phone, her hands shaky as she tapped in his number, immediately holding it up to her ear as she heard the dial tone. 

“What happened?” Rowan pressed as he drove, pushing the speed limit. “What did the note say?” Aelin didn’t answer, chewing on the skin of her lip as the phone kept ringing. 

“Fuck!” She couldn’t help but curse out of frustration as it beeped, asking her for a voicemail, and she nearly chucked it out the window, only stopping for the sheer fact that she couldn’t afford another one. But she tossed it down, stringing her hands through her hair as she fought to quell the pure and utter fear coursing through her veins. 

She didn’t want to think about why he wasn’t picking up. 

Rowan pressed the gas pedal harder, and she felt the car speed up, zooming down the main road. But there was only so far they could go without hitting any traffic, and it just served to frustrate her more. 

Aelin was about ready to get out of the car and walk, or just scream and cry out of undiluted terror, but she managed to make it until he was pulling up at Emrys and Malakai’s small little cottage looking house. She didn’t wait for him before bolting out of the car and running up to the front door, only narrowly avoiding slipping on the icy ground. 

And she didn’t wait to knock either, just ripping open the door she knew would be open. They were never as paranoid about safety as she was. A quick scan showed no one in the small but cozy living room, and she started panicking more, barely registering Rowan coming up behind her as she darted around the house, finding no one at all in any of the bedrooms, the bathrooms, not even the kitchen.

“Shit,” she breathed, eyes wide as she paused in the middle of the kitchen, bracing her arms on the counter and dropping her head forward. He must’ve gotten to her, gods, she was going to pass out. She’d tried so hard to make sure he didn’t even know she existed, and now she’d just failed. Again.

But this was worse, because this was her daughter, her own flesh and blood, the person she loved more than godsdamned anything else in the world. 

She felt a warm hand come to rest on her lower back, offering her comfort, but it didn’t do anything, not as she started getting lost in her own head. Until… a little laugh sounded from the backyard. 

Her head darted up toward the noise, and she was at the door before she’d even realized she moved. Aelin yanked it open, immediately breathing a sigh of relief at the sight in front of her.

“Oh thank Mala,” she breathed, running forward to scoop up Elia from where she was in the yard, playing with some fallen snow with Malaki and Emrys. They both looked at her with surprise as she clutched her daughter tightly to her.

“Is everything okay, Aelin?” Emrys asked, his brows furrowed in concern. She just nodded, squeezing her eyes shut as her daughter babbled.

“Separation anxiety just works both ways,” she joked, not spilling the real reason. She didn’t want to lie to him, she just didn’t want to tell the whole truth. Not when she was still figuring everything out herself. 

——-

Rowan drove her home after that, while she held her daughter tightly in her arms, puzzling through everything in her head. So he was here, and he’d found her, but did he know where she lived? Probably, and even if he didn’t, he wouldn’t rest until he did.

It was making her understandably distraught, and when he pulled up to her apartment complex, she just needed to look at him and he understood, getting out of the car to walk her up to her door. Aelin didn’t know why she trusted him so much, but she did. And she needed someone to help her out now.

She cleared her throat awkwardly, not saying a word as he followed her into the building and up the rundown stairs. But she froze when she made it to her door, about to take out her keyring with all three keys on it, seeing the door impossibly cracked open. Her heart stopped, every nerve in her body on alert at the sight. 

“I locked the door when I left,” she said flatly and quietly to Rowan as he came up next to her. 

“Are you sure?” He said just as quietly, and she glared over at him, at odds with the wide stare Elia gave him too. 

“I always lock the door,” she hissed, and he backed off, looking toward the door and taking a step toward it. Aelin appreciated how little he was questioning everything, how he knew nothing about what was going on but was still willing to help her out.

“Mama?” Elia babbled, sensing her concern, and she ran a hand down her back as she held her.

“It’s okay, Elia,” she murmured, “everything’s okay.” Even though everything wasn’t okay. She sucked in a breath as Rowan slowly opened the door, tensing as they both stepped inside carefully. There was no one in the tiny living room, and no sign of anyone either, even as they stepped through to the cramped kitchen, and the two tiny bedrooms and single bathroom, like a mirror image of her walk through Emrys and Malakai’s house.

There was no one there.

Maybe she had forgotten to lock the door, lost in her nerves about going out. But she still felt tense as she went over and shut the front door, making sure to turn all three locks tightly before heading toward the couch, plopping down with a heavy sigh. She hugged her daughter once before turning her, holding her arms as she plopped down on her lap.

“Are you alright, Li?” Aelin asked carefully, not really expecting a response but just needing to ask it for her own sanity. Elia just mumbled some gibberish, smiling at her mom as she tried to speak. Aelin did a quick inventory with her eyes, and when she deemed everything okay, she finally loosed a breath, relaxing just a tad. 

“What the hell was that?” Rowan asked quietly, trying not to disturb the little girl as he sat down carefully next to Aelin on the couch, a good enough distance apart to where she didn’t tense up at the closeness.

The note was still burning a hole in her hand, but she ignored it as she thought through how to approach the topic. At this point, he deserved an explanation. And she deserved someone who could maybe understand. There was no indication that that would be him, but she could try.

“I know what I probably seem to you,” she said softly, staring into her daughter’s eyes, eyes that looked so much like her own. “I probably seem like every other young mother, one who made a mistake and dealt with the consequences as they came.” She paused. “But I didn’t get pregnant from some high school relationship, Rowan. I wish I had, but I didn’t.” she rasped, shaking her head minutely. Elia made a sleepy noise, and Aelin helped her find a comfortable position, holding her close as she yawned, tired after the busy evening. It was late after all, she normally didn’t stay up this long.

“What does thi-“ he tried to say, but she took a breath and cut in.

“Have you ever heard of Arobynn Hamel?” Aelin asked quietly, keeping her eyes trained on her daughter instead of him, smoothing a hand over her soft dark red hair, a trait she hadn’t gotten from her. Rowan’s brows shot up. 

“The millionaire real estate mogul?” He asked incredulously, eyes wide as he undoubtedly tried to figure out what any of this had to do with what just happened. “I think it’s almost impossible not to have heard of him.” 

She chewed on her lip, brushing a stray strand of her daughter’s hair off of her forehead. “Have you ever heard of his wife?” Her voice was a lot tighter, almost dropping off into a whisper as she fought to get the words out. His brows furrowed this time as he leaned back into the couch cushions. 

“I didn’t even know he was married.” She nodded sadly, almost resigned. 

“Yeah,” her voice was a rasp. “He is. He liked to tout her around to places, dressing her up and showing her off,” she took a shaky breath, “but I guess it makes sense that he would still keep it a little more under wraps.” She squeezed her eyes shut. “He wouldn’t want to advertise that he’d married an eighteen year old girl after all.” 

Despite how smart she knew Rowan was, it still took him a second to process what she was saying. His eyes went wide when it finally clicked.

“You,” he breathed, shock filling his face. “You’re married to him?” She wished she could say no, but she had to nod instead. “Isn’t he almost forty?” She loosed a breath.

“Forty two next month,” she corrected, eyes shuttering. His birthday was in mid-November; she always hated that time of year.

Rowan’s face paled. “So he’s…”

“Twenty one years older than me,” she confirmed, pursing her lips. “Yep.”

“Shit,” he cursed, wiping a hand down his face. “And you were what, twenty? When you got pregnant?” Aelin let out a shaky little laugh.

“Nineteen.” 

Rowan let out a noise of incredulity, mixed with anger for her. “How did that even happen?” He asked. “How did no one question if that was alright or not?”

“Who was supposed to do that?” She said flatly, her tone defeated. “My parents? They were dead before he ever even approached me. My friends? What were they supposed to do against a man twenty one years older than them?” Aelin sighed, closing her eyes and pulling Elia closer, the little girl fully asleep now. Rowan was staring at her apprehensively, and she decided to backtrack a bit. “He was a ‘friend’ of my parents. They both worked in the same field, and he wouldn’t be where he is now without their influence.” 

His brows furrowed, and she supplied the answer to the question he hadn’t asked. “Kingsflame Corp,” she said, naming her parents’ company. “They stayed private, even though they were extremely successful, so I’m sure you knew that name way more than their actual names. Which is how I could use Galathynius to apply for college and still stay under the radar.” 

His eyes flickered in recognition, and she nodded in confirmation. “But my name legally isn’t Galathynius anymore.” She loosed a breath, eyes dropping to look at the textbooks scattered across the coffee table, her old broken laptop and her scrawled across notebooks. She’d been studying earlier and it was clear. “I - there was an incident,” she said carefully, “on my eighteenth birthday.” Her back tingled, her voice tense as she tried to get through the next sentence without panicking. “A car crash, where I was the only survivor.” 

Elia stirred a bit, cuddling closer as if she could sense her mom’s distress, and Aelin craved the contact, squeezing her tight. Rowan looked at the pair, a deep emotion she couldn’t identify shining through his green eyes. “I knew of him by that point, meeting him every once in a while when I would go to my parents’ work events or conferences. They knew I didn’t want to be a part of that world, which they respected, but they still wanted me to understand the business. But after they died,” she huffed, “I was wrecked, completely, and I’d pushed away all my friends, isolating myself, and then he introduced himself to me again, and I don’t know,” she rambled, “I guess by that point I craved that familiarity, that one piece of connection to my parents, and I fell into his trap.” Her voice got weaker as her throat got tighter with unshed tears. “I thought I loved him, and I thought he loved me . I was so naive.” 

Tears pricked at her eyes and she looked up to the ceiling, trying to stop them from falling. “I don’t know why I’m telling you all this,” she laughed humorlessly, “it’s not like you can understand.” 

Silence filled the space as he considered her words, and Aelin finally dared another glance over to him, finding him already looking at her. “I understand more than you’d think,” was all he said, looking at her with so much depth she knew there must be some sort of tragedy in his past. And she believed him.. So she kept talking, finding that spilling the words was surprisingly cathartic.

“My parents died when I was eighteen, and by nineteen I was married.” She sighed heavily. “It was fine at first, I was whooed by his money and his looks and his charming act, and I was surprisingly happy. And then, it went downhill. It started with the insults, the controlling behavior, the emotional manipulation. He started persuading me not to go out, to stay with him in the house and not to bother seeing any of my friends, though I didn’t really have any at that point.” She shifted on the couch, rubbing a hand down Elia’s back as she curled a little hand into her shirt. “It became easier just to do what he wanted, because then I would avoid the harsh words, it would stay as easy as it had in the beginning. But it only got worse.” 

Aelin shifted to lift her right hand up, shaking her coat down her arm to show her palm to Rowan. “There’s a scar right there, if you can see it, where he stabbed me with a kitchen knife because I said something snarky to him at dinner that he didn’t like.” Her voice was neutral, numb to the pain that had been so blinding then. His eyes burned with violence though. “I have another scar on my forehead up here,” she gestured to her eyebrow, “where he shoved me into our brick fireplace because I wasn’t ready in time for an important party he had at work.” 

All overreactions, all consequences causing pain for her. Something her daughter would never have to go through. She’d make sure of it. 

“He also hit me in places no one could really see,” she admitted, “I had bruises on my abdomen way too often, and while I began to accept it after a while, I knew I had to leave when I found out I was pregnant.” She sighed. “I thought I’d escaped him, but now here we are.” 

She slowly unfurled her other hand, passing the note to Rowan carefully. “I don’t know who gave that to the bartender, but I know who it came from.” She watched as he opened it, brows furrowing as he read the words. 

I Found You

“Arobynn,” he confirmed, and Aelin nodded. He huffed indignantly, staring at the crumpled piece of paper before looking up at her again. “He knows you’re here.” 

“So it would seem,” she said, trying to keep an air of casualty to quell the fear. 

“And does he know about Elia?” He asked, and she didn’t know how to answer. 

“I don’t know,” she admitted, “but I sure as hell won’t let him take her from me, no matter if we’re married or not.” She steeled her expression, clenching her jaw resolutely as she met his eyes. No, she wouldn’t let that damned man ruin her life anymore, not when it was more than just her life at stake. “That fucker can go to Hellas for all I care,” she spat, “it would serve him right.”

Rowan’s eyes shined with mirth, his lip quirking up in the corner, and she smiled slightly at the expression, one she hadn’t seen before. 

And when he asked, “So how are we going to make that happen?”, she knew for sure that this was someone she could trust. 

Chapter Text

Things turned quieter after that, as the night went on. Elia got hungry and Aelin got some little baby cereal puffs to give her as a snack, knowing she’d already eaten dinner earlier. Aelin hadn’t let her go either, holding her close as she talked to Rowan, their heavy conversation turning into something a bit lighter. Elia would normally whine and wiggle around until Aelin put her in her little pack-and-play to crawl around, but she stayed still, her little eyes closed and her little mouth open as she breathed, little snores slipping out.

It was like her daughter sensed that Aelin needed the contact, and craved it as much as her. 

“I should go,” Rowan said quietly, from where he was next to her on the couch. They’d been talking about college, and what he planned to do once he graduated, what he wanted to do when he graduated. And she’d explained her own plans, her dreams of a bookstore, a simple life away from everything fake and gilded. She’d applied for college to get the education she’d been deprived of after high school, and while she never wanted to use her daughter as a prop, when she’d explained her special circumstances to the University, the scholarship they’d then offered her didn’t hurt.

But it was late, and they did have things to do tomorrow, so she nodded minutely, pushing herself to a stand carefully while she held Elia. 

Even if she didn’t really want him to leave, and she hesitated as she walked to the door, sliding each lock open slowly. But nevertheless, the door opened, and Rowan stepped forward, halfway in and halfway out as he stalled, seemingly hesitating too. A wave of panic hit her at the thought of him leaving, at the thought of being alone, and she spoke before thinking.

“Do you - would you mind … staying?” Aelin’s brain stalled as she spoke, stumbling over the words, but he looked almost relieved at the question.

“Not at all,” he answered, and she let out a breath of air, smiling softly. He stepped back inside, shutting the door behind him and making sure to securely close all three locks.

“Sorry,” she said quietly, tucking her chin on Elia’s head. “You don’t have to, I just would feel safer if there was someone else here.” He nodded, agreeing with her. “I can take care of myself, but it’s just…” she looked down at the child in her arms.

“You want to make sure she’s safe too,” Rowan finished, and she nodded smally, pressing a kiss to her daughter’s forehead. Elia wiggled around, burrowing herself closer into her chest. 

“She’s… everything to me.” She let out a shuddering breath. “I couldn’t live with myself if something happened to her.”

“I understand,” Rowan said, his voice inexplicably sad, and Aelin looked at him curiously. But his expression shuttered, so she didn’t ask about it. Instead, she cleared her throat, stepping back slightly and heading with Elia toward her room. It was time for her to get some rest. 

Aelin’s apartment, however shitty it was, had two bedrooms, so Elia had her own space. She’d kept her crib in her own bedroom for many months after she was born, not wanting even a door separating them, but she’d recently migrated into the other room, even if a baby monitor was the first thing Aelin had bought. She’d cringed at the price, but it was necessary. 

“I’ll be right back,” Aelin told Rowan, and he nodded, taking a seat back on the couch. 

“No rush,” he said, his tone a bit joking, “I’ll be here.” She smiled sardonically at him, but didn’t say anything else as she carried Elia back toward the hallway, her eyes catching on the bookshelf she’d haphazardly slung up in the living room. Her brows furrowed as she saw a book knocked over on the top shelf, one she’d just put back up the other day. But all Aelin did was straighten the row of books, not paying it any more mind as Elia shifted again, comfortable yet uncomfortable in the slightly awkward position.

So she kept walking, opening her daughter’s door as she headed toward the crib in the corner, leaning over to set Elia down on the kingsflame patterned sheets. The room had been painstakingly decorated, Aelin putting more time and effort into making that space nice than any other space in the rundown apartment. 

Sure there were some old water stains on the ceiling, and there was gross carpet, and the kitchen cabinets didn’t shut right, and the bathroom faucets leaked sometimes, but she’d be damned if she didn’t make a nice place for her daughter to grow up in.

Though Aelin had been determined for this not to be their permanent home, just one to stay in until she was back on her feet, or rather, standing on her own two feet for the first time. Before this, it had been him supporting her completely, and before that, it had been her parents. It’d been less than a year that she was technically on her own in between the two, and she hadn’t really been. Not when that whole time, Arobynn had been setting his trap.

She fought the shudder threatening to roll through her as she leaned forward again, pressing another kiss to Elia’s forehead, smoothing back her thin locks of hair. Some people would likely be confused on how she could love the daughter of her abuser so much, when she was a constant reminder of what had happened, but Aelin never saw it that way. Elia was the one good thing that had come from that hell, and she’d be damned if he’d take that from her too.

“I love you, sweet girl,” she whispered into her hair, hot tears burning her eyes as she rose to a stand, wiping her already splotchy face. Elia was practically asleep, but she rolled a bit, getting comfortable and babbling tired not quite words. She’d been getting closer to talking every day, and Aelin was waiting to hear what her next word would be. Mama, and then what?

She watched the girl for a moment, making sure she was happy and sleepy before picking up the monitor and heading back out toward the living room. 

Rowan was still in the same place he’d been when she left, sitting on the slightly ratty gray couch and … flipping through her stats notebook?

“Can’t take a break at all, Mr. Tutor?” Aelin teased, walking past him to head toward the hall closet, where she stored a few extra blankets. “I knew I was right this morning.” Gods, that had only been this morning. It felt like a million years since then.

Rowan snorted, dropping the notebook slightly to look at her, his eyes warm. “I was just checking your last practice quiz,” he said, looking back at the paper, “there’s a couple of mistakes where points would be taken off, but overall, there’s a lot of great improvement.” He nodded, smiling encouragingly. Aelin smiled back, her lips closed.

“Well, at least something’s going right,” she said drily, and Rowan’s smile dropped. She opened the hall closet, snagging a couple blankets to give to him. She didn’t have any extra pillows, but the couch cushions were comfy enough. Gods she was surprised at herself for even letting him stay over like this, but the way he reacted when she told him everything, the anger for her, the outrage, it was easy to trust him when for once there was someone on the same page.

Someone who understood that even if she hadn’t been abused, if she hadn’t been emotionally manipulated and beat up and hurt, that it still wasn’t okay. The workers at the shelter had offered support, but it was almost too stifling there, and Aelin knew she couldn’t stay there very long anyway. This was different.

She’d been eighteen years old. Barely an adult. Traumatized. Easy to manipulate until she was doing whatever the hell he wanted. That in itself was wrong.

And he’d understood.

“Here you go,” she said quietly, handing him the blankets. “There’s a bathroom down the hall if you want to clean up a bit. I think there’s a spare toothbrush in the cabinet.” Rowan toed off his shoes, getting slightly more comfortable. She wished she could offer him some different clothes, rather than the stiff jeans and shirt he was wearing from the bar, but she didn’t have anything that would fit him. Just her clothes and baby clothes. Even Arobynn’s clothes wouldn’t have fit him; Rowan was taller and slightly more broad shouldered than the other man.

He grabbed the blankets from her, his fingertips grazing hers and she fought the urge to flinch. He noticed and shifted so his skin wasn’t touching hers, and Aelin didn’t know whether to regret it or not. 

But she ignored the feelings swirling around in her gut as she stiltedly said goodnight, walking toward the bathroom herself with a slight flush on her cheeks. 

She needed to get a handle on herself, she wasn’t some blushing schoolgirl. No, she wouldn’t ever be that innocent again.

-------

Her hands were shaking as she slowly let go of the podium, her joints popping as they moved from the tense position they’d been in for the past ten minutes.

There were some polite claps, plenty of tears, some sniffles as she walked back to her seat stiffly, the long black dress pooling around her ankles as she crossed them delicately, like the lady her mom had always taught her to be. 

Gods, she needed a drink. 

Not something an eighteen year old was supposed to say at her parents’ funeral, but it was true. Maybe she should’ve hesitated more, especially with what had happened, but she’d found the alcohol stored in the big, now empty house was more than enough to give her that distraction she craved. To fill that loneliness that now sunk deep into her bones.

The rest of the ceremony passed in a haze of shaky hands and held back tears and faked smiles to the vapid people who thought they knew her parents, who thought they were the nicest people to ever exist in the world and told Aelin so. 

They were nice, and Aelin loved them, loved them so dreadfully that it hurt to know they were gone, but there was that little inkling inside of her that whispered that it was their fault. It was their fault she felt this way, it was their fault she’d had to make sure her dress was high enough in the back now to avoid any unnecessary questions, it was their fault their own funeral was delayed by a few weeks to make sure she was out of the hospital in time for it. 

But she didn’t know how to process any of that, so she drank instead.

After the ceremony, everyone flocked over to the fancy restaurant Aelin’s parents’ close friend had picked out for the “after party”. It was simply appetizers and drinks, and she’d managed to sneak away a glass of whiskey; it was disgusting, but it would do the trick.

She’d wandered out to the back garden area, and was sitting on a little stone bench, hidden away from everyone and everything as she lost herself to that heady dark liquid.

Aelin squeezed her eyes shut, a hot tear slipping down her cheek as she took another sip, eyes opening when no liquid spilled into her mouth. Shit, she was out.

The glass shook in her hands, and she pushed herself to a stand, nearly tripping on her dress as she headed inside to go covertly get another one. Another tear fell down her pale skin and she was too busy wiping it away as she was turning the corner to realize there was someone else there.

She stumbled back in reverberation, and hands shot out to steady her, resting high on her waist as she straightened.

“Gods, I’m sorry,” she said quickly, blinking to center her foggy head as she looked up slowly at the person she’d run into. Her hazy vision landed on dark red hair, on a black suit and a decidedly male body that was much taller than her, despite being a good height already herself. He was vaguely familiar, even if she couldn’t remember where she knew him from. 

It was only then she noticed he had a drink of his own, and it was now all over his shirt. 

“Oh my gods, I’m so sorry,” she repeated, her eyes widening as the liquid spread on the white fabric. Aelin didn’t think about it as she grabbed a handful of her cumbersome skirt, trying to use it to clean up the rapidly growing stain. The man’s chest was hard beneath her hand as she patted his shirt, and she fought the flush on her face. 

But he just moved a hand from her waist to gently grab her wrist, pulling her hand away. “It’s okay, darling,” he said, “worse things happen in life than a little whiskey on a shirt.” 

Something in his tone made her look up slowly, and her blush deepened as she made eye contact with him. 

He was handsome . 

And he was looking at her. 

He was older than her by a fair amount, she could tell that, maybe closer to her parents’ age, but what did that matter? Who cared about something like that? She felt like she’d aged years in the past month anyway, maybe she looked eighteen, but she felt ancient.

Maybe it wasn’t the best time or place to be thinking about that kind of stuff, but if there was one thing that damned night had taught her, it was that life was short. And unpredictable. And who was she to waste it?

So she smiled prettily, dropping her skirt from her hand and letting him slide his so he was holding hers, instead of holding her wrist. 

“Hi,” she said, “I’m Aelin.” She lifted her other hand too before realizing what was in it. Her face paled and she shoved the glass behind her back, ripping her hand from his to look more casual, like she was just holding them behind her. 

But he just chuckled, tilting his own glass toward her. “Don’t worry about hiding that,” he said, “I’m not in the business of judging others for drinking in times like this.” She smiled with her lips closed, a bit hesitant, but moved the glass from behind her back, fiddling with it in her hands. “In fact,” he added, “here you go.” He tipped the liquid that hadn’t spilled onto his shirt into her glass.

She looked up at him quickly, her eyes wide, but he just winked, a small smile on his face. 

“It’ll be our little secret.”

-----

Aelin jolted awake, her heart beating rapidly as she blinked, taking in her surroundings. Her bedroom was dark, the only source of light the door that was cracked open, enough to where she could hear Elia’s cries if for some reason the monitor didn’t work. She scanned her eyes over the space, cataloguing everything as if to remind herself where she was.

She wasn’t eighteen, grieving and heartbroken at her parents’ funeral. No. That was a while ago, no need to rehash the beginning of her own personal hell.

But her hands were still shaking.

So Aelin pushed back her cozy comforter, dragging a hand down her face as she stood up on weak limbs, heading to the kitchen to get a glass of water. Something to focus on, maybe that would help her.

She tried to keep her footsteps quiet, hoping not to wake the sleeping man on her couch, his soft puppy like snores so unlike his outward appearance it drew a weak smile to her face. But as she opened the cabinet that held her plastic cups, her trembling hands dropped one onto the counter, and she flinched at the clanging noise, half expecting someone to come yell at her for the disruption, to yell at her for not being perfect and for making too much noise.

Elia would sleep through it, but Rowan…

“Aelin?” A groggy voice said from the living room a few yards away. “Are you okay?” 

She wiped her hand down her face again, scrubbing it as she searched around the kitchen, scanning the room in the dark to find what she was looking for and ignoring Rowan’s words. But footsteps sounded across the tile and she looked up, meeting his tired green gaze.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, leaning against the counter.

“Nothing, just getting some water,” she answered, her voice tight as she continued her search. But her movements slowed and her face paled as she realized what she was really looking for. Especially as Rowan gently took the cup from her clenched fist, padding over to the sink and filling it up with the tap water. 

He set it down in front of her and her eyes dropped to the counter, shame heating her cheeks. That’s why she just ordered water at the bar. And why she didn’t keep any alcohol in her apartment, despite what her brain had just conveniently forgotten.

“Aelin-” Rowan repeated, and she forced a closed lip smile onto her face, looking back up at him.

“I’m fine, Rowan,” she said, stiltedly picking the water up and taking a sip, nearly spilling it on herself with her unsteady grip.

“Your hand tells a different story,” he argued, and she sighed, setting the cup down and squeezing her eyes shut.

“It was just a dream, that’s all,” she said through gritted teeth, “just a memory.”

“A dream, or a memory?” He pried quietly. “That’s two different things.” Aelin’s gaze flicked up to his.

“A dream of a memory,” she said flatly, “how about that?” He raised a silver brow and she raised one of her own, answering his unspoken challenge with an indignant response. A charged silence overtook the room.

“Well I’m going to go sit back down, now that I know you’re fine and you’ve got your water,” Rowan said tauntingly, calling her on her bluff. “I’m assuming you’ll just go back to your room? Right back to your dream of a memory?”

She clenched her jaw, her stubbornness showing as she picked up her cup, brushing past him as she headed back toward her room. Rowan stayed silent as she moved, her shoulders stiff as she padded past her daughter’s door, about to cross the threshold of hers when she stopped, her body still rushing with unease. She stared into her dark bedroom, she squinted and blinked as she thought she saw a tiny red light but she shook her head to clear her vision and it was gone.

But her unease was not. She wasn’t ready to go back to sleep, back into that hell hole where she couldn’t stop herself from remembering the past.

So Aelin sighed, her shoulders drooping as she relented, taking a few steps backward before turning and heading back out into the living room. Rowan looked smug, but she ignored him as she collapsed onto the couch next to him, stringing her hands through her hair.

“Do you want to talk about it?” He asked quietly and she shook her head. He looked at her pointedly and she looked away. Silence overtook them again, her heart pounding so loud she thought he could hear it in the quiet room as she waited for something. 

And something she received. 

Elia’s cry sounded from the other room, and panic filled Aelin’s chest as she pushed herself to a stand quickly, abandoning the water and not thinking at all as she darted into the nursery and picked up the little girl, eyes darting around the room as she calmed the girl down, patting her on the back and bouncing her as she surveyed the area. 

Rowan entered soon after. 

Nothing looked amiss in the room, so Aelin tried to relax, fighting the stiffness in her body as Rowan reached out, like he was offering to hold Elia for her. But when her daughter whimpered a bit, starting to fidget in her arms, Aelin passed her over, the little girl immediately seeming to calm down. 

Aelin didn’t know whether to be grateful or not.

It was a similar scene to that morning, as Rowan held Elia, but Aelin was still tense, still wary and on guard. She did this every other night it seemed like, it didn’t mean something was amiss, but still…

“You’re very protective of her aren’t you?” He asked quietly, and she glanced at him, almost with incredulity. 

“I have to be,” she snapped, probably more harshly than needed, “I thought you understood that.”

“I do,” he said more softly, and she sighed, rubbing her face. It was the middle of the night, she just wanted to godsdamned go to sleep. She was exhausted. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally, she was just drained. A tear slipped down her face before she could stop it. “Come on,” Rowan said, moving Elia to one arm to gesture to her with the other. “Let’s get you back to bed.”

Aelin sniffed, nodding as she shuffled forward, following him as he headed toward her bedroom. She climbed under her sheets, taking Elia from Rowan when he passed her down. Her daughter took the opportunity to curl up against Aelin’s chest, and Aelin held her close. She knew she wasn’t supposed to do this nearly as often as she did, but with everything going on, surely advice from Parenting.com could take a back burner for now.

Rowan made to head back out to the living room, but she stopped him with a “wait”.

Like before, she was hesitant to ask, but she really did need a good night’s sleep, and she felt calmer for some reason with him by her side. “Can you sit with me for a bit?” She asked quietly, “just until I fall asleep?” 

He just nodded, coming around the other side of the bed to smoothly sit on top of the comforter, leaning against the headboard. One of his hands came down to gently brush her hair back behind her ear, and her cheeks burned. But she didn’t move away.

“A dream of a bad memory?” He asked softly, and she nodded, opening and closing her mouth as she fought with the words she needed to say.

“I find it… difficult to talk about things like this,” she finally said in practically a whisper, “I can’t exactly spill my trauma to a one year old, so it just sits on the inside, festering.”

Rowan didn’t say anything, but he adjusted so he was laying down next to her, peering at her through the dark before rolling to his back and staring at the ceiling.

“I - went through some stuff not too long ago,” he said softly, but Aelin could hear the despair in his voice, “it’s not the same, in no way at all, but it helps me understand. I understand that protective instinct, pushing you until you care more about someone else rather than yourself.”

Her mind flashed back to what Fenrys had said at the bar earlier, questioning how Rowan was fine when he heard she had a kid. What had happened to him? What had caused that sorrow rooted deep in his green eyes? Sorrow she recognized all too well.

“But I also know,” he added, “that it’s not good to keep it all contained. It’s not good to keep it all to yourself.” He sighed, the noise crackling in the dark room. “I’ve struggled with that myself, I’m still struggling with it.” He looked over at her, his head turning to rest on the pillow. “But if you want, we can try to figure it out together.” 

Aelin could feel the offer hovering in the air between them, and could feel the tension growing as she considered the words. She’d been alone for so long, and she’d thought that was the only way, the best way. But was it? Her heart was telling her no.

“I think,” she said quietly, “I would like that very much.”

“Together, then,” he confirmed, his hand stretching out across the sheets.

“Together,” she repeated, grabbing his hand, feeling his fingers lightly wrap around hers. 

She’d been burnt out completely, her flame stifled by the man who’d done everything in his power to keep her in the dark. But now, deep inside her, an ember began to glow.

Chapter Text

The light music filled the store as Aelin pushed the squeaky cart, Elia babbling in the front as she walked down the next aisle. She was being selective as to what she could buy, shopping at the local discount store instead of the high end supermarket twenty minutes from her apartment. Surviving on her meager scholarship leftovers and her salary from the cafe was a bit harder to live on than she’d ever had to worry about before.

She’d never actually had to budget before now, but with her money locked away, she’d been forced to.

“Strawberry or apple?” Aelin asked her daughter, staring at the baby food lining the shelves. She had an hour before she had to be at home, signed into her virtual class. Marriage and Family. A class she didn’t even get to pick, fulfilling her “humanities requirement” for her degree. 

It was a bit ironic at this point, though it’d been hard to even look at the coursework her first couple weeks of class without feeling nauseous, realizing that every single aspect of her marriage had been corrupt. It was the same feeling she’d gotten when at the shelter her first time, sitting in that counseling room, staring at that damned poster on the wall…

How to Recognize the Signs of Abuse

Aelin blinked, her hands curling on her shirt as she glanced away, tracing the lines in the wooden table instead. The woman who’d been talking to her had just stepped outside to talk to someone else, who inevitably would then come in and attempt to “counsel her” as well. Aelin didn’t need counseling, she was nineteen . She needed sleep, and a trash can for when she hurled up her guts yet again.

But neither of those things seemed like they were going to be available anytime soon.

Her eyes unconsciously trailed back up to the poster, circling the little pie chart shaped diagram describing signs of the types of abuse. Physical abuse was a no brainer, she still had a few bruises to prove that one. But she didn’t think she’d really encountered the others nearly as much. Except…

Financial. She supposed she didn’t have her own bank account; he “encouraged” her not to work. He did let her buy whatever she wanted with his credit card, though it was all approved by him first or it either got sent back or trashed.

Digital. He’d deleted her social media, and knew her phone password, and there was that one time he’d pressured her to - well, send him exactly what that poster was giving as an example.

Emotional and Verbal. She didn’t think so, but… the taunting, the put downs, the judgement. Her stomach clenched with nausea and she looked to the next one.

Sexual. 

The door creaked back open and she glanced back to the table just as the lady walked back in. 

Aelin cleared her throat, leaning forward to grab the pack of strawberry yogurt off the shelf. It was on sale anyways, and Elia didn’t seem to ever care one way or the other. She just liked the princesses on the wrapper.

She’d been on a bit of a princess kick lately, watching the princess movies everytime they were on the kids channel. Aelin had considered selling the TV to earn a bit of extra money, but she couldn’t now. Besides, they could have one small piece of luxury right?

Even if she wasn’t sure her apartment was completely safe anymore. Arobynn was back, he likely knew about Elia. Yet, could she upend her whole life now? She was paying for school, she had a job for the first time. If Arobynn ever decided to show his cowardly face, that’s when she’d do something about it.

She just hoped by then it wouldn’t be too late.

Aelin chewed on her lip as she looked down at her grocery list, and then the budget she’d scrawled down on the top of the page, taken directly from her checking account. She guessed she’d be having yogurt then too.

“We’re gonna have a feast tonight,” she said lightly to her daughter, smiling weakly as her stomach grumbled. But her smile grew as she reached out to poke the little girl in the side, making her squeal. 

Elia fidgeted around in her seat as Aelin pushed her way down the rest of the aisle, grabbing the rest of the essentials she needed, adding it all up in her head as she went. She’d never known how expensive baby stuff was until she needed to buy it. It was the only, the only thing that made her even wonder what her life would’ve been like if she’d stayed. Sure, Arobynn was a bastard, but with him, she’d never have to worry about affording the things her daughter needed. Arobynn would always shell out the money, and Aelin would never even be allowed to step in a store with prices this low.

She’d be able to provide Elia with everything - except for a safe and secure home.

Which was why she’d left.

Who gave a fuck if her daughter was wearing “designer” baby clothes or not? Who gave a fuck if she shopped the discounts instead of only buying organics? Who gave a fuck if Aelin had lost weight, and had gone to bed hungry too many times? 

She didn’t, not when she knew for a fact that with her, Elia would never know anything but love.

Aelin leaned in, planting a smacking kiss on her forehead to draw out another precious giggle. They turned around the shelves to get to the next aisle, one that made Aelin’s smile fade. It was the fun baby stuff, the toys and the books and other things like that. 

There was another mom in there, her little son pointing out various toys he was probably trying to get her to buy. The boy was a bit older than Elia, and the mom was quite a bit older than her, probably at the age where she was actually settled in a relationship and in her life before she’d had a kid. But she looked nice enough.

So Aelin smiled at her as she passed, heading out of the aisle before Elia could get distracted by something. She didn’t have the budget for that this week. She had a stats midterm coming up, and as much as she’d insisted to Emrys that she didn’t need to study… she did. She was barely scraping by, despite Rowan’s help, and she didn’t have the time nor the money to retake the class.

So she’d had to take a few shifts off. And was losing that precious cash.

“Mama!” 

Aelin braced herself before looking down at her daughter, whose eyes were as wide as saucers.

“Yeah, angel?” She asked lightly, “what is it?” Elia’s movements had been becoming clearer and clearer every day, more coordinated, so Aelin could tell where she was trying to point to on the shelf. Her mouth tried to form the word, but it came out like more babble. Either as an adult, or because she was Elia’s mother, Aelin knew what she was trying to say.

“Princesses?” Aelin asked with a sigh, and her daughter made an excited noise. She slowed to a stop, turning to look at the doll that had captured Elia’s attention. Not just any doll, a doll of her favorite princess. Aelin couldn’t really remember what her name was, but she knew her daughter liked her because of her hair color, the same red as her own. 

Aelin ran her hand lightly down those red locks. 

“We can’t afford it, baby,” she said quietly, only saying it because she knew Elia didn’t know what that meant. If she did, Aelin would never say anything to change the illusion that she could have everything in the world. It was her job to make her child’s life as carefree as possible, and she was good at that, but she still couldn’t afford the toy. “Besides,” she added, “we just bought you that new toy last week. Remember?”

Elia just blinked, and Aelin sighed, pushing the cart forward, feeling disappointment swirl in her gut. Disappointment and guilt. But she pushed it aside as she reached the end of the aisle, turning to the next one. There was only a bit more on her list before she could check out and get the hell out of there. 

But it soon became clear that it wouldn’t be that simple.

It started off slow, Elia’s lips quivering as she stared up at her mom with big blue eyes. And then it was like a switch was flipped and she was flipping out, tears pouring down her cheeks as she let out a piercing cry.

“Elia,” Aelin said firmly, trying to shove a warning into her tone. Her daughter was so good most of the time it was easy to forget that she was still young, and young kids can freak out over the slightest thing. “ Elia,” she said with a bit more force. She just kept crying, loud enough to draw the attention of other shoppers.

Maybe she wasn’t crying over the toy, likely having forgotten about that already, maybe she wanted something to eat, or was tired, or just wanted more attention than she was currently getting. Aelin didn’t know. But she felt the anxiety rise in her, felt the eyes of the other people and felt the heavy judgement pressing in on her. Judgement.

“Elia,” she said, almost begging at this point. But she took a deep breath, squeezing her eyes shut and opening them before reaching and grabbing her daughter out of the cart, hugging her close and trying to offer some comfort. “What’s wrong, baby?” She asked quietly. “Do you want the toy? Is that it?” It would be hard, but she could move some money around. It was possible. 

But she was probably just hungry. 

Aelin tried to think back to the last time she’d eaten, and it had been a few hours. So of course she was hungry, Elia had a good appetite and she was used to getting a certain amount of food when she wanted it. And was crabby when she didn’t get it. Like someone else she knew. 

Gods, she was such a horrible mom. 

She knew that was it when Elia clambered to grab at her shirt, pulling the thin material. Aelin had tried to start weaning her off of breastfeeding a while ago, though she did appreciate the free food part of it, simply because of the physical toll it took on her. She was already thin, and it just made her feel even more drained, figuratively and literally. But Elia liked the comfort of it, and Aelin would never complain about keeping her close.

But Aelin was in her work uniform still, the shirt buttoning down the middle, so she maneuvered the little girl to hold her with one arm as she pushed the cart toward the bathroom. She was annoyed about having to do that, but she also wasn’t eager to have her bare breast out for the whole store to see. Nor was she eager for any part of her shirt to slip and expose the entirety of her back to any onlooker. Her scars weren’t too big, which made them fairly easy to hide under clothing, like her tank top from the bar that damned night, but still. 

She’d never felt comfortable with them. Arobynn had never made her feel comfortable with them. She still felt like a stranger in this body, with its scars and its stretch marks and its thinness. 

Women aren’t supposed to be sticks, they’re supposed to have asses for me to grab and tits that make me want to fuck them. You have neither. You should be grateful I’m even bothering to trifle with you.

She shook her head and pulled up her cart to the wall by the bathroom and snatched up her purse from the seat, leaving the unpaid groceries there as she walked into the family bathroom and locked it.

The process was pretty mindless after that, Elia latching on with no problem, and Aelin used the shitty paper towels to clean up afterward, fighting the dizziness threatening to rise.

“There you go, baby,” she said to Elia as they left the bathroom, setting her back in the cart. “Feel better, huh? I’m sorry about that.” The little girl just hummed contently as Aelin dropped her purse back in the cart too, or was about to when her phone rang. She dug it out of the bag, checking the number before answering it. If it was the same state government lady who kept pestering her about welfare, then she wouldn’t answer. Aelin wasn’t jumping for the chance to be reliant on someone else yet again, even if that someone was the government, not another person. 

Dependence was dependence. Any way you wanted to look at it.

But Rowan’s contact was popping up on the screen, so she accepted the call, holding the phone up to her ear as she pushed the cart back down toward the last aisle she needed. Batteries for the baby monitor.

“Hey what’s up?” She asked, keeping her tone light as she blinked back the black spots in her vision. Maybe she’d skip her class and take a nap instead, or just log in and take a nap anyways. Her camera didn’t need to be on. Except she couldn’t, because there was no one to watch Elia.

“ What’s your schedule for today?” He asked, “ do you have to go back to work?” He’d stopped by the cafe that morning to grab a coffee, and to say hi to her and Elia, who’d been very glad to see him. They’d only met about a month ago at this point, but Elia seemed attached already. 

Aelin didn’t know whether to be jealous or not.

It had always just been the two of them. It was weird to think about that potentially changing. And she was wary of her daughter getting close to someone who wouldn’t be sticking around anyway. Rowan and her would part ways after the semester was over, so what was the point?

Maybe it’d be better to try and establish some more distance now, just so it wasn’t as hard to say goodbye later. For her daughter’s sake of course, Aelin was used to letting people go. Even if a small part of her rebelled against the thought of never seeing him again. A part she tempered down, a part that buried itself under the weight of the knowledge that he undoubtedly didn’t feel the same.

Isn’t that what Arobynn had shown her? Had drilled into her? That no one would ever care for her the way he had? Knowledge made worse by the fact that he hadn’t even cared for her at all. And her parents certainly never seemed to give a damn. 

So who ever would?

“ Aelin?”

“Yeah, sorry,” she said after clearing her throat. “I’m at the store right now, and I have a class until 4, but um- probably just studying after that. Mistward closes at 7 and Emrys told me to let myself rest, so I don’t really have any set plans.” 

“ Well, I know your midterm is coming up,” Rowan said, and she made a noise of confirmation, scanning the shelves for the size battery she needed, “ And I don’t have anything going on tonight, so would you mind a study buddy?” 

She answered too quickly. 

“No, I wouldn’t mind.” She glanced down at Elia, who was fidgeting with the small stuffed animal she’d pulled out of Aelin’s purse. “Elia needs to go to bed at around 7:30, but I doubt you’ll be loud enough to disturb her,” she joked, “she sleeps like a rock.”

Another characteristic she hadn’t gotten from her mother. She was pretty sure the only time she’d gotten a decent night’s sleep in years was… well, when Rowan stayed over. Which she didn’t want to analyze too much.

They hadn’t talked about that since it’d happened, but Aelin’s cheeks flamed red everytime she thought about it, the way they’d woken up curled around each other, Aelin completely wrapped in his arms. She should’ve panicked, she should’ve felt suffocated and tense, but she’d felt safe. He was nice, he seemed to actually care about her and Elia, he was on his way to being successful but wasn’t cocky about it, he was just genuine . 

But Arobynn had seemed nice, he’d seemed to care, he hadn’t been cocky at first, and he had been a hell of a good actor. So no, she wouldn’t think about that night anymore.

Yet, she smiled as he started speaking again. “ Well I don’t think we’ll be doing anything worth screaming about tonight anyway, so I think she’ll be okay.” Aelin choked at the words, even if he likely didn’t even mean it that way, catching Elia’s attention. 

“And what’s worth screaming to you, Rowan Whit-” she couldn’t help but tease, her voice trailing off as her eyes landed on a figure across the aisle. Short. Ruddy brown hair. A suit that looked like it didn’t belong on the body it covered. And when he turned to face her, with a smirk on his face and a friendly casual wave with his hand, she knew. 

Tern. 

She’d seen him before, various times back in Rifthold. He’d stop by the house and Arobynn would kick her out of the room, attending to their “business” before she’d be called back in for dinner, forced to converse with both of them for two hours. Aelin didn’t know if she’d call him a friend of her husband’s per se, but he was involved. 

And he was here.

Fuck.

“ Aelin?” Rowan asked yet again, and she dragged her eyes from the man who’d looked back at the shelf nonchalantly, like he was just another customer here. Were there any more of them? Arobynn certainly had a lot of other minions to order around.

“Sorry, what did you say?” She asked, toning her voice down as she casually turned the cart the other way, heading out of the aisle as quickly as she could without drawing attention. She needed to get out of here. 

“... Are you okay?” He asked, but she barely heard the concern in his voice as she pushed her cart toward the checkout line. Only one cashier was on duty, so the line was a bit backed up, which she could already tell was going to frustrate her. “ You seem distracted.” The words rankled her senses; the passive aggressive tone, whether intentional or not, striking a nerve.

“Of course I’m distracted,” she snapped, “I’m in a crowded store with a one year old.” 

Silence crackled on the line, and she sighed, about to open her mouth and apologize, when she glimpsed her reflection in a window. Tern was following her. 

“I’ve - gotta go,” she said slowly to Rowan, keeping her pace to the cashier steady while keeping an eye on the man behind her. She didn’t wait for a response before hanging up the call, dropping her phone into her purse as she slowed to a stop in line, behind the mom and son from earlier. 

Maybe being on the phone would make her look busy, and not available for Tern to bother, but she didn’t want Rowan associated at all, didn’t want to give anyone any indication that he was involved.

Aelin began setting her groceries on the empty part of the conveyor, the mom in front of her in the process of checking out. But there seemed to be a difficulty with the order, though her ears were ringing too much to listen in and figure out what it was. Elia was just twiddling away, not a care in the world now that she’d eaten, but Aelin could feel Tern’s presence as he slotted into place behind her. 

The hairs on her neck rose, her senses on edge, but she didn’t give into the temptation to turn around and confront him. She just kept putting her groceries on the conveyor until there wasn’t any more space. 

The mom was arguing with the cashier now, and Aelin cursed her under her breath, her hand tapping against the handle of the cart as she grew even more impatient. If she just pretended he wasn’t there, then he wasn’t there. 

She reached forward, smoothing back Elia’s hair lightly. At least she was oblivious. 

Younger Aelin would’ve turned around and snapped at the man, attempting to verbally demolish him before stomping out of the store throwing the middle finger up behind her. But present Aelin had other things to think about besides the desire for her own satisfaction. 

She’d get revenge later, right now she needed safety. 

The mom finally grabbed her stuff and stormed out of the store, fuming at whatever the poor cashier wasn’t at fault for, and Aelin pushed her cart forward, keeping Elia close as she got ready to pay and leave.

She wasn’t buying much, so everything was scanned quickly, and she was readying to pay, her card out. When the cashier signaled to her, Aelin swiped it, her gut sinking at the rejecting beep the machine emitted, and the red flash on the screen. 

Her cheeks flushed red as the cashier recommended trying again, but the second swipe was to no avail either.

How had this happened? She’d carefully budgeted; she had enough money for everything in the cart. Yet, her card was getting declined.

Her mind whirled through different scenarios, wondering how much food she had at the apartment, and when she’d be able to call the bank, and wondering if she was going to have to resort to breastfeeding again tonight instead of the snacks she’d been attempting to buy.

“I’ve got it, don’t worry,” a voice behind her cut in, and her jaw clenched. 

“Oh, that's so sweet of you!” The cashier cooed, but Aelin didn’t agree with the sentiment as she turned to look at the man. At Tern. 

“Anything to help out a single mother,” he said maliciously, his tone sickeningly sweet. He glanced down to the missing ring on her finger, which had her tensing even more. That was a whole other thing, one she didn’t want to delve into now. “You’re daughter is beautiful,” he continued, nodding toward Elia, and she shifted until she was blocking her, her gaze cold as she forced herself to mutter,

“Thank you.” The words were faked, but the amusement in his eyes were not faked, especially when he stepped closer to swipe his credit card. Or not his credit card, based on the name adorning the front of it. No, it said

Arobynn Hamel

She was going to be sick. 

There was no denying it anymore. He was here, he knew about Elia, and he knew exactly what buttons to push to make her squirm. Just like he always had.

Chapter Text

The knocking on the door startled her awake, blinking back into the waking world as she glanced around her surroundings. Her computer was still up and running, the login screen for her class up. Her professor must’ve kicked her out after it ended. Because she’d fallen asleep.

Completely unpurposefully, she didn’t even remember how it happened. One second her professor was droning on about the statistics of divorce having gone up over the last few decades, and the next second she was waking up to a banging on her door.

Aelin wiped her face, pushing herself to a stand as she wandered over to the door, too tired to even be too wary as she opened it. Luckily, it was just Rowan, bundled up in a coat. 

Because it was snowing. Blizzarding more like it.

She supposed it was almost November. She’d forgotten that places other than Terrasen snowed. Adarlan never snowed. But apparently Doranelle did. She’d been too distracted last year to remember the weather, with a slightly traumatic birth and hectic months of caring for a newborn barely leaving her any energy to know if it snowed.

Rowan looked freezing though, she didn’t think about it too much as she opened the door and let him inside, into the warmth that was costing her extra money to pay for. Worth it though, she’d hate herself if she ever saw Elia shiver from the cold. 

Wait. Elia. 

Aelin’s heart stopped beating, letting Rowan shut and lock the door as she quickly headed toward Elia’s bedroom. She’d put her down for a nap before her class, but the class had ended a while ago from the looks of it, yet she didn’t hear any crying or yelling because she’d woken up and wanted out of her crib. 

But the girl was still asleep when Aelin walked into the room, cuddled up and content, and Aelin didn’t want to wake her, even if it would mess up her sleep schedule later on. She loosed a breath and relaxed her shoulders, heading back out toward the living room.

“Sorry about that,” she told Rowan as he took off his coat, sitting down on the couch she’d just gotten off of. She blinked. “No offense,” she said leaning against the doorframe, “but what are you doing here?” She was still hazy from sleep, so she didn’t understand the way his brow quirked up in amusement, hiding concern underneath the surface.

“We agreed on studying on the phone earlier,” he said, pulling his laptop out from his backpack, looking just like every other college kid she passed the rare times she was on campus. It was easy to forget that he was still an undergrad just like her, though he was quite a few steps closer to graduating with a degree than she was. “You remember that, right?” He was looking at her intently now, and she forced herself to nod.

She did remember that, it was right before she’d seen Tern.  

“Right,” she pushed off of the door, “sorry about that. Busy day.” That was an understatement. Aelin headed over toward the coffee table, clearing her throat as she grabbed her laptop, slumping down onto the couch next to him. 

“Yeah, I figured,” he said goodnaturedly, “the store was busy?”

“Yeah,” she rasped, “you could say that.” Her eyes stayed on the screen as the laptop booted up, her fingers moving to pull up the class page, her stomach sinking as the calendar on the side showed less than two weeks until her midterm. It was one of the later ones she had, her other exams this week instead of the next one, but the stats one was the only one in person, and the only class she struggled with. 

Once she had the study guide she’d been working on pulled up, she and Rowan got into the groove of their study session, him helping her out with some of the questions she didn’t understand, and pointing out mistakes she’d made on questions she thought she did understand. She was getting progressively more frustrated, but at herself, not him. Gods, she was just so stupid. But she’d known going into this that she’d likely struggle at least a little bit. She’d been an heiress for gods’ sakes, she’d screwed around in high school, only graduating because her parents had died horrifically a month before. It was a pity pass, not one from actual merit.

Maybe if she’d applied herself back then, she’d have some actual understanding of what the hell she was supposed to be doing, but she hadn’t so she didn’t. Most subjects she could slide by, but math was really dragging her down. 

But she was nothing if not a hard worker, and focusing on working kept her mind from wandering off to other problems, so it was going well until -

“Has anything else…” Rowan asked hesitantly, “ happened with Arobynn?” Aelin paused, dragging her gaze away from her laptop screen to look over at him.

“Since I got the note you mean?” She replied, keeping her voice steady as she referenced the event a couple weeks ago. He nodded. Just then, Elia started whining, the sound crackling over the baby monitor, and she stood up to go grab her, knowing she’d already overslept. But on the way out of the room, she turned back to Rowan, answering his question with a lie that tasted bitter on her tongue. “No, it’s been quiet. It might not have even been him in the first place. Maybe it wasn’t even meant for me.”

She knew her tone wasn’t convincing, and he didn’t believe her, if the look he was giving her was any indication, but she didn’t wait for him to say anything before she was attending to her daughter, leaving him behind.

----

She managed to study for another hour before her stomach started grumbling. Aelin tried to ignore it, too busy scribbling down her work for a histogram problem she was trying to finish, but it seemingly caught Rowan’s attention, who was timing her practice exam. Elia was minding her own business in her little play chair on the ground, not distracting either of them, though she’d sat with Rowan for a bit after she’d first woken up.

“Do you want me to go grab you some food?” He asked, stopping the timer as she paused. “I can make you something while you finish this up.” She hesitated, her reply stalling, and he apparently misunderstood why. “You only have a few problems left, then you can eat while I grade it.” He checked his watch. “It is dinner time.”

“Rowa-”

“Don’t worry, Aelin, I don’t mind.” He stood up, starting the timer again as he headed toward her kitchen. But she couldn’t focus on the test, just waiting for Rowan to finally realize. 

She could hear him bustling around the space, opening the pantry and trying different cabinets, checking the fridge too before he paused, his footsteps padding back out to the living room. 

“Aelin,” he said quietly, but she didn’t look over. “Aelin.” She chewed on her lip, slowly turning her head. “Didn’t you go to the store today?” When she nodded, he sighed, the sound heavy. There was a pause, making her gut sink, and then he clapped his hands once. “Okay, let’s go.” 

“What?” She asked, bewildered. 

“Come on, let’s go get some food,” he repeated, and her eyebrows shot up. She stayed seated as he walked over, closing the lid of his laptop and tucking it into his backpack. “We’ve studied enough, it’s time for some sustenance.”

“ Sustenance ?” Aelin laughed as she spoke, making fun of him but still standing up, lured by the idea of food. 

“Mama?” Elia asked, roused by the activity, and Aelin smiled and walked over to her, groaning exaggeratedly as she picked her up, ignoring Rowan for the moment.

“You’re getting big, Li,” Aelin joked, making the girl giggle. “Too many yogurt pouches, huh?” She pressed a smacking kiss to her forehead before turning to Rowan. “What about her? It’s close to her bedtime.” She spoke the second sentence to her daughter, smiling warmly at her. 

Rowan hummed in contemplation, looking down at his watch. “It’s after seven, can Emrys babysit?”

Aelin’s brows shot up, surprised that they’d been studying for so long. But she nodded. “I’m sure he’d agree,” she said, “he always pressures me to go out more.” She smiled at the thought of Emrys’ stern face, trying to admonish her while trying not to laugh at the same time. 

She’d forever be grateful for his support. 

Aelin grabbed her phone off the table, texting with one hand to ask Emrys if he’d be okay with it. She received a quick of course in less than a minute, and she chuckled a bit, looking back over at Rowan.

“I suppose I’m free,” she said lightly, smiling a bit sardonically. “Where do you want to go?”

----

“So what’s the deal with the not eating?” Rowan asked an hour later as she shoveled another scoop of her mashed potatoes into her mouth. She paused, a brow raising in amusement. 

“Isn’t that what you're not supposed to ask me?” She teased. “Like the number one rule of dealing with people who don’t eat?” Yet she scooped more of the potatoes, relishing in the feel of something filling her stomach. Rowan looked hesitant at that, but she just smiled and shrugged, relieving him of his fears. “I would like to eat, but I’d much rather feed Elia than myself.”

But that didn’t seem to ease his concern. If anything, it just deepened, his frown permeating through the loud conversation and light music dominating the space. Rowan had taken her to a casual restaurant he knew close to campus. It was nice, and the food was nice, but not so nice she had to change out of her comfy clothes she’d donned after getting home from the store. “Does Emrys not pay you enough?” Aelin snorted.

“He pays me plenty more than what other places would pay me, the money just always seems to find somewhere more important to go.” And that was the simple truth.

“More important than your own health?” He prodded gently, and she raised her brows again in challenge.

“More important than my daughter’s health?” She snapped. “What I do with my money is none of your concern.” Rowan sighed, setting down his fork.

“I know that,” he replied, “I just want you to make sure you're taking care of yourself too.”

Aelin didn’t say anything to that, just ate another scoop of mashed potatoes. She knew if she opened her mouth right then, neither of them would like what would come out. A product of her history, because she knew Rowan didn’t mean any ill will, it was just how she was trained to react. Defensiveness.

Except for the times she was supposed to remain silent as she was raged at, but Aelin had promised herself she wouldn’t backslide into that. That was one thing Yrene said that had stuck with her: don’t let yourself be silenced again.

There was power in silence, and she was learning how to wield it. Arobynn had wielded it well, filling her with guilt and with the urge to beg him for forgiveness every time he purposefully stayed silent during dinner, knowing exactly what he was doing to make her feel like she was in the wrong for something she’d never even done. She knew now she was being manipulated, but at the time it’d been convincing.

She wasn’t trying to manipulate Rowan into anything by not telling him about Tern, if anything it was the opposite. She wasn’t trying to make him do something, she was trying to keep something from being done to him. It was different.

At least that’s what she told herself, because Arobynn had kept things from her too. For her own good. Did she want to be like that? Because that was its own form of manipulation. Rowan was already involving himself with her, shouldn’t he know the truth?

“My card got declined today,” she said, and he paused, waiting for her to continue. Aelin tried to open her mouth to say more, trying to force the words out to reverse the lie she’d told earlier in the evening, but she couldn’t, even as Rowan’s brows furrowed, confused by her reaction. She couldn’t say it. 

She couldn’t.

So she shook her head, forcing a smile and looking back up at him. “But enough about me,” she changed the topic, “we don’t talk nearly enough about you. How are your classes going? Still busy being the teacher's pet?” 

Rowan eyed her, but she fixed her mask, smoothing out her face so no trace of worry remained. He seemed to relax, chuckling slightly as he took a sip of his whiskey, yet another thing that differentiated him from every other beer guzzling undergrad at their school. 

“Maeve is still giving me a hard time about her internship program,” he grumbled, and she made a noise of understanding. Professor Maeve , Rowan’s internship coordinator, the head of the Business Department, and her Intro to Stats teacher. Aelin hated her. 

She made everything, everything, harder than it needed to be. Graded harder, gave more work, laughed in her face when Aelin had reached out to her about trying to take the class online. Every single other professor had been accommodating, had understood, when she explained her situation with Elia, but Maeve just hadn’t cared. And it seemed it wasn’t just Aelin who she was out to get.

“What does she want?” She asked, switching focus to the hardy green beans on the plate. She liked this restaurant, even if she’d never been before. It was all home cooked food, stuff she hadn’t had in a long long time. 

Rowan sighed, leaning back in his chair. “She wants me to accept this internship over in Eyllwe.” Her brows shot up. “It’s really prestigious, with a company that Maeve herself has connections with and does business with often, but -”

“It’s in Eyllwe,” Aelin finished and he made a grunt of confirmation. Eyllwe was… far to say the least. “Are you already guaranteed a spot?”

He rubbed his forehead with his forefinger and thumb. “No I’m not, I haven’t even been offered one. But I already feel pressured to accept.” Aelin paused in contemplation.

“And it’s a good opportunity?” She asked quietly, between bites that were finally satisfying her never ending hunger.

“It’s a great one,” he said, the tension settling heavily over the table. “It would boost my resume by tenfold, and it might even lead to a full time corporate position.”

“So what’s your hesitation?” She put her full effort into making her voice not shake, almost afraid to hear the answer. She barely even knew him and she’d never want to hold him back, yet… she didn’t want him to go. She didn’t. But she had no right to keep him here. Not when the web around her was getting more tangled, the chokehold getting tighter, the searchlight narrowing in on her until she was caught in its grip and shot from the sky, just another fallen bird.

“I-” he started to say, his voice getting caught mid sentence. “I just-” he tried again, getting cut off by the waiter this time as he came over, asking if they needed anything else. 

“We’re okay, thank you,” Aelin told him, smiling at the man as he walked away before turning back to Rowan, whose face had become a bit more cold, a bit more frozen, a bit more guarded. 

“I probably won’t even be offered a spot,” he said after a minute, shaking his head in an attempt to dispel the tension. It didn’t work. “So I shouldn’t even worry.”

Something heavy sank in her gut, something akin to worry. “Yeah,” her voice was hollow. “You shouldn't even worry.”

---------

Aelin was on edge the entire way home, her gaze shuttered and her voice quiet. Rowan’s wasn’t much better, and they sat in companionable silence as he drove her to pick up Elia before dropping her off at home. Elia was dead asleep, and hadn’t even woken up when Rowan pressed a sweet kiss to her forehead, which really signalled to Aelin that she was tired.

Aelin didn’t blame her. She was tired too.

They went through the motions as they got into the apartment, Aelin making sure all three locks were locked as she got Elia ready for bed, cleaning her up and changing her and resting her carefully in her crib. Aelin herself then got in the shower, stripping down and scrubbing at her skin until it was red, as if subconsciously trying to scrub everything away, to rid herself of everything dragging her down.

In doing so, she added another brick to the wall keeping her emotions from spilling out. She hadn’t cried since she’d left Arobynn, since before that even, since she’d been hit for showing any emotion other than complete happiness and love. She was supposed to be a blushing bride, a doting wife, when really she was decidedly broken inside.

She remembered that day well.

“What is this.” Arobynn grabbed her face, tilting her head back and pulling it close so he was looking right at her, making her inches away from his angry expression. She trembled. “Tears?!” His other hand came up to roughly wipe away the tiny drops collecting on her cheeks. 

“Why are you crying?” He asked, his voice deadly soft. Aelin tried to shy away, but she couldn’t, she tried to shake her head but she couldn’t, her entire vision cloistered by him. Oh gods, oh gods, oh gods. “What do you have to be crying about?” 

He took a step forward, forcing her to take one back until she was pushed up against the wall, completely trapped. “Spoiled little princess,” he spat, “I give you everything and I will not. Tolerate. Tears. Are we clear?”

She nodded quickly, as much as she could with his grasp on her jaw, and he narrowed his eyes, practically staring into her soul. He shook his hand a bit, jostling her, which only succeeded in making more tears slip out of her eyes. 

“ Are we clear? ” He repeated and she croaked out a reply.

“Yes,” she said, her voice strained, and he let go of her slowly, letting her catch her breath. She didn’t even see the hit coming, the slap across her face that left blinding pain shooting across her skin. 

“Good,” he said, his voice stern. “Don’t ever disobey me again.”

Aelin shut off the water, sliding back the cheap shower curtain as she stepped out onto the equally as cheap tile, sighing heavily as she grabbed a towel, wrapping it around her thin body as she headed out toward her bedroom. 

The rest of her routine was quick after that, drying off her body and her hair before changing into pajamas, brushing her teeth, going into Elia’s room to check on her and grab the baby monitor before heading back into her room, sliding under her comfy blanket and relaxing into the pillows.

She was about to fall asleep when she heard her phone vibrate. Her eyes shot open. Without thinking too much about it, Aelin reached over, grabbing it off the nightstand to blearily look at the message. It was probably Rowan, updating her on something or asking her something, or maybe Emrys, trying to kick her off her shift yet still pay her the money for it like he sometimes did. But no. It was neither of them. The blood drained from her face as she read what waited for her instead.

> Hello darling, did you miss me?

Chapter Text

Her finger hovered over the block button, the panic rising in her chest urging her to click it, to get rid of it and him. But the nagging in her head made her hesitate, the dual sensations making everything worse. The sheer fact that he was contacting her for the first time in almost two years was enough to make her feel like she needed to vomit.

Before she knew what she was doing, and before she knew why, her finger was slipping to the reply button, everything in her body begging her to stop. But she ignored everything in her body as she typed out a reply, as if some outside force was coercing her into it. Well, not just some outside force. 

< Why would I, you bastard

Aelin clicked send, dropping her head into her pillow and squeezing her eyes shut. She shouldn’t’ve said anything, shouldn’t have given him more ammunition or given him another reason to laugh at her, believing he still had her right under his thumb. 

> Such harsh words, Aelin He replied, what on Earth did I do to deserve that? 

She could practically hear the humor in his voice, could see the cruel smile twisting across his features, shuddered at the way her name rolled over his tongue. He knew exactly what he did, and he knew she knew, but he always delighted in pretending nothing was wrong. In gaslighting her. It was a common thread in their relationship, him controlling what she thought.

He had a particular way of worming inside her head, of rooting in there and influencing her behaviors, her actions, the way she perceived everything around her. Aelin couldn’t deny that that influence wasn’t completely gone. Hence why she was even texting him in the first place.

He wouldn’t be happy if she didn’t. Then she’d have to deal with it later. In the form of words or fists or whatever else he thought of.

No, not anymore. She was safe in her apartment. He wasn’t here. 

< This isn’t going to work

She sent the text, rolling over onto her back and staring up at the dark ceiling above. Only with the distance could she call out his manipulation. 

> Oh? She could see the way he’d smirk, so confident, so self assured. Am I not allowed to defend myself?

No, not when he hadn’t extended her the same courtesy.

So Aelin didn’t respond to that one, her brain stalling too much as she fought the roiling in her stomach. This didn’t even feel real, it felt like some sort of fever dream beckoning to her in the depths of sleep. She wasn’t talking to him, she couldn’t be, and yet... she was.

> You can’t blame me, sweetheart

> I’ve missed my wife terribly

She cringed, wincing at the terrible word he’d used. Wife. She’d give everything she could to never be called that again. Well, almost everything. But that something she’d save was safe in her crib, sleeping peacefully, if the baby monitor’s quiet was any indication. Elia was completely oblivious to her mom’s distress. 

Good, that was good. She never wanted her to feel any of the pain Aelin had been put through. None of it at all.

A shudder rolled through her, her hands shaking as she typed out a response.

< The feeling isn’t mutual

She managed to say, calling up some of the bravado she wore everyday, the mask she could never seem to keep strong around him. She could just block the number, she should just block the number, and go to bed. She had work in the morning, and then she had to be on campus for her stats class in the afternoon. She didn’t need this - this distraction. 

> You wound me, pet 

> Though I don’t suppose the sacrament of marriage means much to you hm

> Rowan Whitethorn is it?

Aelin froze, her body tensing. A heavy pit formed in her stomach as she read and reread the text. Water, she needed water.

But she couldn’t move, her heart racing.

< What are you trying to imply?

> Don’t claim ignorance, sweetheart, it’s not a good look for you

> And don’t I know your best ones?

Indignance rose in her, and she spit her reply back, pushing herself out of her bed.

< Fuck you

Aelin stormed on shaky limbs to the kitchen, heading straight to the sink. And didn’t even bother with a cup, just drinking the water straight from the faucet, relishing in the cold burn of it in her throat. She could barely taste it, but didn’t care, ignoring the craving for something else. 

She shuddered as she closed the faucet, catching her breath as she braced herself over the sink, squeezing her eyes shut. She allowed herself thirty seconds to fall apart, and when that thirty seconds was over, she stood up, her face guarded as she snatched up her phone, heading not to her own bedroom but to Elia’s room, sliding to a seat in the comfy nursing chair she’d splurged on when getting the room ready for her little girl.

> Be my guest Arobynn had said, and Aelin clenched her jaw, fighting the shudders of nausea as she sent another text, the last one she’d let herself send.

< Stay the hell away from me and my daughter, there was no use denying it now, I don’t ever want to seeyour fucking face again

She clicked off her phone, throwing it aside as she slumped in the chair, scanning her gaze across Elia’s slumbering body once more before closing her heavy eyelids, succumbing quickly to sleep. So quickly she didn’t see his own final response.

> if only the feeling was mutual

-------------

Aelin was giddy. Was that the right word? Giddy? Should she be feeling giddy only a few weeks after her parents’ funeral? Maybe not, but she was.

He had texted her.

She tucked her lip between her teeth as she grabbed her phone, quickly unlocking it to look at the message. She wasn’t sure how he’d gotten her number, but she was sure it wasn’t too difficult to find out, given her family. 

> Good morning, Aelin

> How are you today?

Simple, polite, but it had her cheeks flushing as she typed a response.

<  I’m very good, how about yourself?

How about yourself? Gods, she would kick herself if she wasn’t lying down. Aelin usually considered herself pretty suave, but if she was being honest, she didn’t have too much experience. Certainly not with someone who’d likely known many women before her. 

Because that’s what she was: a woman. Not the fragile, young girl her parents liked to think of her as, not the naive fool her parents’ advisor considered her, and certainly not a child . Not anymore.

> Doing all the better for texting you

She hid her grin behind her hand as she thought of how to respond. She was about to type, when the door opened.

“Miss Galathynius!” The doctor said cheerfully as he walked into her room at the hospital. “How are you doing this fine morning?” A similar sentiment to the text she’d received not five minutes ago, but this version made her smile fade. She didn’t want to be here, not at all. Aelin didn’t want to be reminded of the angry wounds now marring her skin, but she supposed a check up was better than it getting infected and hurting all over again.

She reluctantly set her phone to the side as she was asked questions about her injuries, how she was feeling, how they were feeling, what she’d been up to recently, if she was taking her medication, blah blah blah. Medication she wasn’t supposed to mix with alcohol, but who cared? Not her.

The appointment took an hour, an hour that felt like a year as she was poked and prodded, only to leave her to walk out alone, to catch a cab home alone because she’d never gotten her driver’s license. 

It was only then she remembered Arobynn’s text, and she went to answer it rather drearily, her emotions weighing heavily on her. But he’d texted her a few minutes after his last one, asking her if she would like to get coffee with him next week. That perked her up a bit as she responded with an enthusiastic yes!, with an apology for not texting back right away. She didn’t specify what she was doing, just that she’d been busy. 

But then hours passed, and over a day passed, as she waited for him to reply to set official plans. It left her rather hopeless, and anxious, and guilty. Had she done something wrong already? Had she acted too childish? 

And then another day passed. A day of her wandering around her lonely manor home, finding little odds and ends to occupy her time, and distract her from everything preying on her thoughts. 

It was the third day after she texted that he finally responded, and she’d let out a giant sigh of relief at the sight of the notification, her anxiety easing a bit. He hadn’t forgotten about her, something that had also been weighing on her mind. 

> Does Tuesday at 11 work? 

> At that place down on 7th avenue?

She smiled, no longer feeling like a fish dangling on a hook, waiting to either be yanked out of the water or tossed back in. But she’d forgotten that the fishing pole wasn’t the only way to die, that there were sharks in the ocean too, sneaking up behind the fish to snatch it up, preying on it with one single text.

> Sorry for not responding, I’ve been busy

-------------

The punching bag felt great under her bruised knuckles, Aelin couldn’t deny it. Though she supposed the more accurate admittance would be that the punching bag didn’t feel like anything at all, and that was the great part.

It had begun as a way to get her aggression out, to have something physical to pour her emotions into, to vent all her frustrations onto. Now it was a lifeline, an escape.

She’d blocked the number. And had done everything to put it out of her mind. Yet it seeped through the cracks, hence why she was here. Elia was with Malakai, Emrys being too busy at the cafe, and Aelin… well she was at the gym.

Punch after punch she threw at the bag, ignoring every other patron in the place as she attacked the bag, not caring about form or power or skill, just needing that release. She didn’t know what she was doing, she’d never really trained in anything before, never pursuing it in her childhood and then not being allowed to in years after.

Funny, how she’d never really realized she had rules until she tried to break one.

Aelin threw a final punch at the bag before pulling back and shaking out her hand, sighing through her nose as she chanced a glance around the campus gym. 

No one was paying any attention to her, a blessed relief. Except… she huffed in annoyance, catching the gaze of a guy eying her from across the room. 

A quick analysis told her he wasn’t involved with Arobynn in any way; he was likely just some college dudebro who thought she was hot in her leggings and sports bra. So she rolled her eyes, snatching up her water bottle and her phone, just clicking open the screen to see the time, ignoring the text that lit it up as well.

A new number. And a singular picture: her and Elia at the store, no doubt snapped by Tern. 

It was a threat without words, and she was choosing to ignore it.

Aelin didn’t know how much he knew. She didn’t know if he knew where she lived, where she worked, where she went to school, but so far, he hadn’t acted on any of it. 

She didn’t think he would, not with how he was. He was going to hide in the shadows, messing with her mind until she came crawling back. All she had to say was fuck that.

She watched the guy out of the corner of her eye as she dragged a hand down her face, wiping off sweat, before heading toward the exit. On the outside, she looked just like every other college kid, getting their workout in in the picturesque gym before heading to campus for their first class of the day. There were several of those people around the place, some girls she recognized from her stats class, bored looking guys sitting at the front desk, only there to watch the girls and make money to go out and buy drinks that night. 

She envied them. She wished those were her only cares in the world.

Aelin was about to slam open the door to leave, too sweaty to bother with a coat, even if it was almost below freezing outside, when a silvery slash of color caught her eye. She stalled, hand outstretched as her gaze unconsciously strayed toward and glued itself on a figure over in the weights section. Her heart thumped painfully, a strange warmth coursing through her at the sight.

It was Rowan, currently bench pressing what looked like could be a good bit over her own weight, a thought that made that strange warmth a bit hotter, her mouth suddenly dry. He was wearing a tank top, his golden skin plenty on display, sweat running down his deliciously strong arms. Gods. 

And when he set the bar down, sitting up a bit, lifting the hem of his tank top to wipe at some sweat on his face, she damn near combusted. She’d never seen him shirtless before and now she was wondering what else she’d been missing out on. It was like a sculptor had carved every line into his skin, every dip of definition put there by some benevolent god, who’d decided that today Aelin deserved to be blessed. 

She was sweating for a different reason now, an ache growing deep in her belly. She was frozen, stuck in her position, even as Rowan glanced up, looking toward her from yards away. He lifted a hand in greeting, recognizing her, and that’s when Aelin bolted, throwing open the door and heading out into the freezing street.

-------

“Elia, please, ” Aelin begged, her words cut off by another ear crippling scream. The girl was not having it, refusing to be out of Aelin’s arms for a second. “But it’s Uncle Emrys, and Uncle Malakai, and even Luca!” She spoke to her daughter desperately, even if none of it was being comprehended. “You like them. I’ll only be gone a few hours, and think of all the treats you’ll be spoiled with.” 

A quick glance around Mistward revealed a few patrons looking at her, one with concern, another with judgement, making her bristle. Hadn’t that man ever seen a baby crying before? Probably not, she doubted any woman would ever want to have kids with him if he acted like that. 

“Yeah, sweetheart,” Emrys tried to add, patting the little girl on the back from where he held her in his arms. “Your mom’s got places to be, so we’re spending some quality time with Luca over here! He’s not doing anything useful anyway,” he whispered conspiratorially, which usually made Elia giggle, but not this time. 

Emrys passed Elia back over when Aelin gestured with a sigh, her heart hurting at the girl’s tears. Elia immediately started crying when her mom held her, and Aelin squeezed her eyes shut, feeling close to tears herself. She glanced up at the ornate clock on the wall, her heart nearly stopping when she saw she had fifteen minutes to get to class. A class that was fifteen minutes away. 

“Okay then,” Aelin said, her voice tight, “guess it’s take your kid to school day.”

She maneuvered around the counter to get to her backpack, sliding it onto her shoulder with one arm, grabbing Elia’s hat and gloves when that arm was free again. Without spending the time for any goodbyes, she tossed a wave as she pushed her way out of the cafe, marching down the street.

It was icy, and Aelin winced as a freezing wind whipped past her, but Elia was bundled enough, and Aelin didn’t care beyond that. No one else was out on the street she was on, but once she made her way down the bare tree lined road down to the edge of campus, more figures started to appear, bundled in coats and hurrying to their classes. She was sure quite a few people would skip today, but that wasn’t an option for her. Not with Maeve.

Elia giggled, burrowing into Aelin, satisfied to have gotten what she wanted. 

“You’re a little menace, aren’t you?” Aelin teased her daughter, only half joking as the cold air took the breath out of her lungs, making them hurt from her fast pace. Hopefully her professor would be okay with Elia being there for one class, though it was doubtful. But oh well, it was Maeve’s fault for not letting her take the fucking class online. She’d shared the details of her situation, she’d been accepted to the fucking school regardless, it wasn’t her fault if a stubborn woman refused to give any sort of accommodations.

The warmth of the building was welcome as she shoved open the doors, hurrying down the hallways. It soothed her bones, and she pressed a kiss to Elia’s little hat as she made her way into the lecture hall, two minutes early. 

She got stares, just like she knew she would, her fellow freshman shooting her furtive glances as she shuffled down the aisle closest to the back, staying as close to the door as she took her seat. She was already alienated, at least 3 years older than most of them, but now - it was worse. At least Elia was staying quiet, staring just as wide eyed back. 

She didn’t go out to too many new places, didn’t see too many new people, it didn’t surprise Aelin that she was curious about the new surroundings. 

She sat her daughter on her lap as she pulled out her laptop, producing a toy for her from the same bag as she logged in, pulling out her notebook too. There was faint conversation going on, Maeve not yet in the room, but Aelin stayed quiet as she waited for her impending execution.

And when the woman herself sauntered in, burning with an arrogance second only to one other man, Aelin didn’t cower from her dark gaze as she scanned across the lecture hall. Her eyes landed on Aelin’s, her brows raising minutely and her red painted mouth curving into a minute incredulous frown, but after a tense moment, she flicked her gaze away in dismissal. 

This would certainly be an interesting class.

------

Elia’s peace lasted about halfway through the lesson, time Aelin certainly took for granted. It started with a tiny whimper, a slight trembling of her lips, before devolving into watery eyes, looking up at Aelin with a heartbreaking expression. And then she was crying, loud enough to disturb the people around her.

Aelin was in the middle of taking notes, Maeve in the middle of her lecture, but she paused to try and quietly shush her daughter, bouncing her a bit on her legs and rocking her back and forth. She wasn’t hungry, Aelin had fed her not that long ago, and she wasn’t tired, it was still decently early in the day, Elia didn’t nap for a few more hours. 

Maybe she just didn’t like the vibe in the classroom, and Aelin couldn’t fault her daughter for that. Not when she agreed.

When Elia’s cries started piercing a bit louder, Aelin abandoned her notes altogether, focusing on the little girl instead. To her detriment apparently, because booming from the front of the classroom came -

“Miss Galathynius!” Professor Maeve called out, pausing and turning from the whiteboard to level her gaze at her. Aelin looked up, her heart freezing. “Since you seem to find other activities more important than listening to my lesson,” she looked disdainfully at Elia, “I assume you must know everything already. So why don’t you answer number 3 for us, hm?” She gestured to the powerpoint slides, where a group of practice problems was listed.

Assume that, in a large population, the probability that a person will always take medicine as prescribed is 0.54. If 5 people are selected at random from the population, what is the probability that at least 4 of the people selected will always take medicine as prescribed?

Aelin read, and reread, and reread the words, trying to make sense of them. They were attached to the previous questions she knew, but she hadn’t been listening. Godsdamnit. She’d done this, she’d done a problem like this yesterday with Rowan. She knew what she was doing for gods’ sakes. But with Maeve’s eyes on her, with the classes’ eyes on her, leaving her skin prickling uncomfortably while her daughter was still upset, Aelin couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

An uncomfortable silence overtook the room as Aelin fought for words, her pride creeping up while shame pushed it back down. Shame at herself for being a failure yet again. Shame at herself for letting Maeve feel that satisfaction, satisfaction that made her cold face twist up into a smirk, a too familiar look that made everything that much worse. 

“Well then,” Maeve chimed, “maybe let’s leave the stray at home next time, okay?” 

A familiar feeling of anger rose in her chest at the words, at the insinuation and the insult, but she didn’t say anything, the numbness soon icing everything back over. Fuck her , she tried to think, trying to bring back that fire, fire that Rowan had stoked, fire that had been growing .

But all that was left was cobwebs, and that dreadful sense of utter failure.

Chapter Text

The hallway was colder than Aelin remembered. The chill sent ice weaving through her bones as she walked toward the exit, with as much dignity as she could muster with the stares being directed her way. At least Elia had calmed down. Now. 

She had to fight a scowl. She loved her daughter, and she knew she had no concept of what was going on, but did she have to make a scene in the middle of class? 

It was a bit frustrating, that was all. But Aelin would never let herself be the type of person to take that frustration out on someone undeserving. So she just took a deep breath, pausing a moment to close her eyes and sit down on the nearest bench. 

Maeve could humiliate her all she wanted, but Aelin wasn’t going to let her win. She just wished she had enough time and energy left to actually learn the damned subject. Rowan was helping, but apparently she wasn’t a good enough student.

“Aelin?” Speak of the devil. She cracked open her eyes, Rowan was right there in front of her, one of the guys she’d met at the bar next to him. Lorcan, she remembered.

She eyed him carefully as she stood up, before looking over at Rowan and smiling. “Hey, long time no see,” she joked. 

“Hey yourself,” Rowan said, using the hand not holding his backpack over his shoulder to boop Elia’s nose, making her giggle. Lorcan cleared his throat, and her smile faded as she turned to look at him, raising an unimpressed brow. “Right,” Rowan said, looking over at his friend. “Lorcan, you remember Aelin. Aelin, Lorcan.”

Lorcan nodded at her, before glancing at Elia. “What’s her name?” He asked gruffly.

“Elia,” Aelin answered firmly, “Elia Galathynius.” 

“Emrys didn’t want her today?” Rowan asked lightly, to which Lorcan raised a brow himself, and Aelin let out a weak chuckle.

“She was being difficult this morning,” she explained, “she didn’t want me to leave.” As if to prove her point, Elia burrowed her face into Aelin’s chest, only peeking out slightly to look at the two men. Aelin lifted a hand to stroke through her hair idly. “Besides, I’m sure Emrys had a lot of work today, with the seasonal drinks out now. The peppermint mocha is especially popular.”

“At Mistward?” Lorcan chimed in, and she nodded. “My girlfriend, Elide, loves the peppermint mocha.” His tone softened at the mention of her, his harsh face smoothed into a small smile. His gaze drifted off for a second, and she blinked at him, until he looked back at her. “She runs a daycare, if you need a spot for her during class.” He gestured to Elia. 

Aelin’s face hardened at the words. “And how am I supposed to pay for that?” She snapped, probably unnecessarily, at the man. Rowan pursed his lips. “She’d have to charge quite a bit to stay in business right?”

Lorcan straightened at the challenge instead of backing down, which Aelin begrudgingly respected. But she still continued. “So thank you for the offer, but we’ll suffice.”

She didn’t trust anyone else anyway. Especially not some stranger’s even more of a stranger girlfriend. Though she supposed Lorcan couldn’t be too bad if he was friends with Rowan; she trusted his judgement.

Lorcan glanced down at Elia before looking back over at him, a strange look on his face that she couldn’t decipher. There it was again, that little inkling of something Aelin didn’t know. Though to be fair, Aelin didn’t know too much about Rowan. But that didn’t concern her, it was more like Rowan was a pleasant sunny forest she was exploring, not a jungle she’d get swallowed up in, never to find her way out.

“Hey,” Rowan said after a moment, “Do you want to come and get food with us? We’ve got a break before my next class.” He tossed his thumb back at Lorcan. Now that he’d discovered her food intake issue , it seems he wasn’t going to rest until he made sure she was eating enough. Aelin wasn’t too upset by it, though she pretended to be exasperated. It was nice having someone take care of her for once.

She almost regretted it when she had to shake her head, smiling politely at the invitation. “I probably should leave now actually. I’m taking over a coworker’s shift this evening, and I have to get back home to study before then.” Elia wriggled in her arms, as if trying to get to Rowan, and it brought a real smile to her face. “And this one,” she gestured to her daughter, “needs a nap before we head out again.”

“Wow,” Lorcan said drily, leaning against the nearest wall, “you really need a vacation don’t you?”

Aelin sighed through her nose, adjusting her backpack on her shoulder. “Wouldn’t that be nice?” But even as she was saying it, the words brought a bad taste to her mouth.

-----

“Let’s go on a vacation,” Arobynn said softly, combing his fingers through her golden locks. She lifted her head to look up at him, setting down her book to give him her full attention like he liked her to. 

“A vacation?” Aelin asked, scrunching her forehead, “to where?” 

He moved his hand to unfurrow her brows with his thumb and she laughed lightly at the feeling, reveling in the rare smile that came to his face. Her … mentor? Friend? Boyfriend? Whoever he was, didn’t smile much, which just made the ones he did give her all the more special. 

Aelin didn’t really know what to call Arobynn, didn’t know what sort of label to put on what he meant to her. He hadn’t clarified, and she didn’t know if he ever would. But she would just wait and see, content with the pieces of him she managed to get.

“I was thinking of buying a place up in the mountains,” he said casually, “a cabin of sorts. I could use a second opinion.”  He shrugged with casual grace, looking as cool and as elegant as the room around them. Arobynn’s house was as much a work of art as the pieces he liked to collect. 

He was a collector of all types of things, which apparently included real estate now. It made sense, he was in the real estate business after all, just like her par-

She took a deep breath, shoving the thought down, before smiling up at him. “I’d love to go,” she answered, and it was true. They’d only been dating? for about five months now, but she felt like she’d been strapped into a rollercoaster, moving fast but full of thrills. Five months of dinner at fancy restaurants with the check in the triple digits, endless shopping trips and being spoiled with whatever new clothes she desired, afternoons of small smiles and laughter with evenings of calm contentment. And alcohol, a habit she’d slipped further and further into.

Aelin didn’t think about anything but him now, which she didn’t mind. Why would she want to think about anything that had happened when she could just focus on the future instead? A future she hoped he included her in.

She’d do everything she could to make sure he did. Which apparently meant shopping for real estate with him. 

Arobynn met her smile with a small one of his own, something in his eyes she couldn’t decipher. “Well, come on then,” he said, “let’s get ready to go.” He stood up, disrupting her position leaning against him, her eyes wide.

“What?” She asked, confused. “Now?” He nodded, and she accepted his help to stand up, still confused as Arobynn gestured to the butler, yes the butler, who then left the room, returning carrying two matching suitcases. 

“Why not?” He shrugged casually, not even stopping before following the butler out toward the front door of the mansion, leaving Aelin to scamper quickly and follow. 

“I don’t have any of my stuff,” she protested, “I have things to do, I can’t just up and leave.” He paused, turning to look over his shoulder at her.

“Mullin has your stuff here,” he named the butler, “and what things do you have to do?” He took a step closer, grabbing her hands gently to coax her in. She complied, looking up at him hesitantly as she figured out how to answer. 

“I’m supposed to meet with Darrow this week,” Aelin said, averting her eyes, “he’s going to help me sort out the money left to me.” Arobynn sighed, and she closed her eyes, hearing the disappointment in his voice.

“Darrow is much more experienced than you, darling,” he said lightly, like he was trying to reason with her. “Let him figure it out himself, you’d just be in his way.” She furrowed her brows.

“But… it’s my mon-”

“Shh,” Arobynn said, turning her so he was hugging her from behind. “Let’s just get away for the week, and worry about that all when we get back, okay?”

She hesitated, leaning back into him, letting him place kisses to her neck until she was smiling and laughing slightly, scrunching her shoulder to keep him there. “Okay,” she said softly and he lifted his head, pressing a final kiss to her cheek.

“Okay?” He asked and she nodded, turning in his arms.

“Let’s go.”

---

The cabin was even nicer than Aelin was expecting, something she hadn’t gotten over in the three days they’d been there so far. Three amazing days.

He’d driven them there himself, not wanting any staff on their private vacation, and she’d been squirming with excitement the whole time instead of panicking like usual. Because once she’d been shuffled into the car, with no chance of getting back out, she’d realized what this trip could entail. 

And now here she was, tucked under warm blankets to keep away the November chill, next to a warm body that did just the same. 

He was asleep on his stomach, his arm thrown posessively over her waist, and she used the moment to glance around the room, not daring to move and accidentally disrupt the peace. Something she’d discovered already, life was easier if she kept the peace. His moods could be a bit unpredictable sometimes, and Aelin had figured out that it was just simpler if she provoked him as little as she could. 

When he was angry he was angry, but when he wasn’t, he was…perfect.

The only one who treated her like an adult after everything that had happened, the only one who didn’t coddle her or treat her as lesser because of what she’d been through, what her parents had done. Because he’d helped her fuel that fire too, that anger and blame she had toward them. 

She didn’t know what she’d do without him, her entire life had shifted to revolve around him and she was grateful for it. Why wouldn’t she be?

The arm around her tightened, and the body next to her shifted slightly, Arobynn’s eyes scrunching as he entered the waking world. 

“Good morning,” she said quietly, practically whispering the words into the space between them. 

“Good morning, darling,” his voice louder than hers and nowhere near as hesitant. He stretched a bit before rolling over away from her, making her frown as he reached for something off the side of the bed. But when he returned with the discarded bottle of his expensive Courvoisier Cognac from the night before, her frown faded and she went to grab it from him. 

Maybe not a great choice first thing in the morning, but she didn’t look too deep into that. 

But he clucked his tongue and she dropped her hand, letting her mouth fall open for him to pour it in himself instead. The sweetness of it slid smoothly down her throat, and she reveled in it as she swallowed, seeing him take a swig himself out of the corner of her eye. 

“Last night was fun,” Aelin said, averting her eyes, nerves rolling inside of her while her cheeks heated. But Arobynn caught her chin, turning her face to look at him.

“It was,” he agreed and she relaxed as he let go, laying back against the pillow. “A nice birthday present.” 

“It’s your birthday?” Aelin’s brows furrowed as she was struck with the thought of how little she really knew about him. They always talked about her, or just didn’t talk at all. She didn’t even know his birthday for gods’ sakes. But that didn’t change anything, so she shook the thought away. 

“It is,” he said coolly, without a care in the world.

“Huh.”

That would make him… 39 now. Her parents would’ve been turning 45 this year. Her stomach twisted uncomfortably. She’d be 19 soon enough, it was fine. She felt ages older than that anyway.

She rolled onto her stomach, resting her head and arms on the pillow and turning her face to look over at him. She tried to stay awake, but the lull of the soft bed and the alcohol in her stomach from this morning and the night before was too strong and she found herself slipping back into the dark.

Until a light touch to the scars on her back made her jump, her eyes snapping open. 

“Such a shame,” Arobynn shook his head as he trailed his hand up the biggest one marring her skin, and she tensed, the deep aching feeling sinking in her gut agreeing with his words. Ashamed, she was ashamed. “You’d almost be perfect without… this.” 

She lowered her gaze, staying still until he removed his hand, dragging it down her side until he pulled her in closer, laying her head on his chest. 

“I wish we didn’t have to go back,” Aelin said after a moment, dismal at the thought. “I wish I didn’t have to go back and sit in that house all by myself.” That house, her house, with its big empty rooms, and its silent corridors, so big, too big for just her. During the day it was stark, and bare, and it felt like she could wander around for ages and never find the way out. At night, it swallowed her, until she was one with the house, forever trapped in its icy grip. She used to love that house, when she’d play hide and seek with her parents, or run around with her friends, friends she hadn’t seen since the funeral, but now it was just a reminder of everything she’d lost.

She much preferred Arobynn’s house instead.

“What if you didn’t?” The man himself asked, and she furrowed her brows, sitting up a bit to look at him properly.

“What do you mean?” 

He smiled, something she couldn’t identify flickering behind his gaze. “I have an idea.”

——

Fuck vacations. Aelin didn’t need a vacation. 

In fact, she needed to get to work, the exact opposite of a fucking vacation. Her rent payment for the month was due soon, and she needed just a bit more to cover it, which is why she’d picked up the extra shift that evening. And was trying to pick up more.

Luckily, the morning rush she’d missed had calmed down, and Aelin was left practically alone, doing gloriously nothing. Even Emrys had gone home, taking a well deserved evening out with Malakai. 

It was just her and Elia behind the counter in the cafe now, quiet ambient music playing with the lights dimmed low. It was warm in there at least, combatting the freezing cold from the already pitch black night outside. So much so, that a few people were lingering at the tables, just to delay the inevitable. 

Aelin couldn’t blame them, she still had a few hours left in her shift but she wasn’t looking forward to heading back out into the cold either. Gods she was ready for it to be spring again.

Her phone buzzed, and she squeezed her eyes shut, resignation filling her gut as she reached into her pocket and looked at the screen of the device. Another unknown number, yet not an unknown person trying to contact her. 

> Saw this and thought of you

It was a picture of Courvoisier cognac. The alcohol she’d gotten drunk off of the first time they- 

She clenched her jaw.

> What a fun night that was, right darling?

Aelin glanced over to Elia, who was dawdling along in her seat, playing with her dollar store toy, and then around the cafe, making sure no one needed her before she looked back down at her phone, typing her response. 

< I don’t drink anymore

Short, succinct, all she needed to say lest she start feeding his satisfaction. 

> You don’t need to drink to revel in good memories

He was toying with her; she felt nauseous. 

< I’d rather forget

A pause, and then a reply.

> It’s probably good you don’t drink anymore anyways, pet

> I doubt our beautiful daughter would be quite as much of a looker otherwise

Anger rose in her gut, revulsion at the word our. 

< She is not our anything

< Stay the fuck away from her

> So aggressive

A weird feeling crept through her veins, a familiar feeling of shame, like he was taking her back to that naive teenager she’d been. No, she refused. She was a mature grown adult now, damnit, he didn’t have that power over her anymore.

< What the fuck do you want from me? She asked, hoping to get a straight answer out of him for once.

> Like I said last night, I miss my wife terribly 

> It would be better for everyone if you just came home

She fumed internally, trying not to show her anger to the rest of the people in the cafe. Would it really be better for everyone? She didn’t think so. 

A girl walked up to the counter, barely reaching five feet, over half a foot shorter than Aelin herself. Aelin quickly set down her phone, painting a fake smile on her face for the brunette girl. 

“What can I get you?” She asked, and the girl smiled back. 

“A small peppermint mocha, please,” she answered politely and Aelin almost snorted as she grabbed the cup, scribbling down the order as if someone else besides her was going to be making it. 

“And your name?”

“Elide.”

Aelin looked up, quirking a brow. The girl looked defensive, lips pursed as if she thought Aelin was about to make fun of her for it. Aelin respected that.

“Do you by any chance happen to be the girlfriend of a broody looking man named Lorcan?” Elide’s face softened, and she nodded.

“Has he been talking about me?” She asked in a joking tone, and Aelin chuckled, glancing quickly over to Elia to make sure she wasn’t getting into any trouble as she rang up the coffee order.

“Yeah, I’ve only talked to him twice and he’s already trying to sell me on your daycare services.” She pressed a few buttons on the screen. “That’ll be 3.50 please.”

Elide smiled, and conspicuously glanced over to the little girl behind the counter as she swiped her card. “You must be Aelin then,” she said, “Rowan talks about you all the time.” A faint blush rose to Aelin’s cheeks. “I’m surprised I haven’t run into you here before now.”

“Different schedules I guess,” Aelin managed to say, feeling slightly embarrassed. “What does Rowan say about me?” She asked as she distracted herself by making Elide’s drink, ignoring the phone sitting on the counter next to the machine. As well as ignoring the brunette girl’s sly look.

“Oh he talks about how your tutoring is going, and how you work here,” she explained, “and that he admires you and thinks Elia is just such a darling, etc etc.” Aelin’s cheeks heated even more. “Lorcan’s getting annoyed with it but he’s just being a grumpy old man. “It’s nice to see Rowan so happy,” Elide added, looking sincere, “he’s been through a lot and I’m glad to see him reaching out to someone again.” There was that hint again.

“Oh, we’re not-” she tried to clarify, but Elide cut her off.

“It doesn’t matter,” she said kindly, “he was a shell of himself before you, and now he’s not, and that’s all that really matters.” Aelin handed her the finished drink mutely, unsure of what to even say. “Thank you,” Elide said as she took it, waggling her fingers at Elia before smiling at Aelin. “Have a good rest of your evening.” 

And then she was leaving, wrapping her coat tightly around herself and heading out the door. 

Aelin was frozen for a moment, everything Elide said washing over her, and was only dragged out of that state by her phone buzzing, a brutal reminder of what her life really was. It didn’t matter what Rowan felt, or what she maybe felt, because this would always be here.

> ignoring me now, darling?

> very unbecoming of you

< I’m working, my life doesn’t revolve around you She spit as a reply.

> yet here you are, texting me

She shut off her phone almost impulsively, sliding it into her pocket and trading it for a rag to start wiping down the counters with. 

“Mama,” Elia babbled, and Aelin moved over to her, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she kept wiping down the counter. 

“What is it, angel?” She asked, watching as the little girl waved around her toy wildly in her hand, making little noises Aelin assumed was supposed to be the little plastic figurine she clutched. It’d cost a dollar, but it’d turned into Elia’s favorite toy to play with. It was a small plastic dog, taking the form of a golden retriever, that her daughter had affectionately named “Fee-fu”. 

Aelin didn’t know what that meant, but Fee-fu was here to stay. She even liked it more than her princess toy, which said a lot. 

“Yeah?” She said warmly. “What is Fee-fu doing?” 

But before Elia could babble a response, her phone rang. She checked around the cafe again, making sure no one was about to walk up to the counter before pulling out the device. 

Maybe it was Rowan. A giddy feeling rose in her.

But it wasn’t. It was a number she recognized though, a number she hesitantly answered.

“Hello?” She asked, leaning against the counter and running a hand idly down Elia’s hair as she watched the rest of the room.

“ Aelin,” Yrene’s voice came warmly through the speaker. “ How are you doing? How is precious Elia?” 

The woman’s voice was soothing, just like it had been the first time Aelin had met her, in a wave of hysteria and panic and confusion about what the hell she was supposed to do. 

She wasn’t surprised she was contacting her now, as she’d promised to do a few check in calls every now and then. It’d been over a year since she left the shelter, but she supposed her life wasn’t completely together yet, maybe she needed a check in call.

“We’ve been doing fine,” Aelin simplified, trying not to feel guilty at the lie. “I’m enrolled at Doranelle University now, I think I told you that last time.” She fidgeted with the rag as she spoke.

“ And how is that going?” Yrene pried kindly. “ Enjoying all your classes? And you’re working too, right?”

“Yeah,” Aelin replied simply, “I’m working shifts at Mistward still.” Yrene and the resources at the shelter had helped hook her up with the job while she was still pregnant. Emrys had literally known Elia her whole life, hence why she trusted him with babysitting her. “I was struggling in one of my classes but I’m getting tutoring.” She didn’t really feel like going into detail about Rowan right now. “How are things there?” She deflected, “is Hafiza’s organization still pairing with yours?”

Hafiza was a social worker who’d founded a charity helping pay hospital bills for single mothers in crises. She worked with the DV shelter a lot, which is how Aelin had gotten through her pregnancy without owing a single dime. A blessing she’d be forever grateful, since all her money no longer belonged to her, arguably one of the worst results of her disaster of a marriage. She’d made sure the abuse was only directed at her, but taking that money had deprived Elia of a stable future, something Aelin was now building her daughter from scratch.

“ Yes she is!” Yrene replied. “ Donations recently went toward helping a mother birth a beautiful baby boy.” Aelin made a sound of acknowledgement, her skin crawling as silence formed. There was a pause, and then… “ You know why I’m calling, Aelin. What I’m really trying to ask here.”

She did know. Something she’d been asked on the last check in call, something she had to lie about now.

“ But we’ll start with something easier. Have you kept up with your journal?”  Aelin winced. The journal in question was currently somewhere buried in her closet, collecting dust. “ I’m going to take your silence as a no. I won’t force you to do something you don’t want to do, you know that’s not what I’m about, but I really think it would be beneficial for you.” Another pause. “Do you want me to go over the prompt again?”

“No,” Aelin sighed, “I remember. And I promise to at least try. If only for you Yrene,” she teased, making the other woman chuckle musically. 

“ Oh I miss you, Aelin. But I’m glad you’re doing well. Which leads to my other question.” Aelin prepared herself. “ Has there been any contact between you two? Initiated by either end? I’m not here to blame you, I just want to know.” 

“Nope.” The word sounded hollow, even to her. “None at all.”

-----

Aelin was bone tired by the time her shift ended, electing to take the bus back instead of walking in the cold. She’d checked through her email during the ride, frowning with disguised worry as she saw the reminder of her rent payment. 

She was only a few dozen dollars short. Completely manageable, right? At least that’s what she tried to convince herself. 

It was so late that Elia was sleeping in her arms as they slowly climbed up the stairs to get to her apartment door, and Aelin mindlessly unlocked it, yawning as she walked through the entryway. And promptly stumbled over an envelope on the ground.

She made sure to shut and lock the door behind her before leaning down and picking it up, trepidation filling her veins at the lack of writing on the front.

She laid it down on her counter before heading down the hallway and getting Elia ready for bed. The girl had had a long day. 

The routine took no time at all, and then Aelin was heading back out to the living room, snatching the envelope and collapsing down on the couch as she opened it. 

Inside the white paper was a wad of cash, to which she quickly counted, her brows furrowing at the amount. It was the exact amount she needed to make up the rent payment for this month. She flipped through the bills quickly, lips pursed as she reached the small piece of paper behind all the green. 

It’s the least I can do.

It would sound sincere if she didn’t recognize the handwriting, if she didn’t recognize the snarky tone behind the words, the hint of manipulation and fake nicety just to mess with her once again. 

Fucking hell. He hadn’t texted her again, yet he goes and does this? And how the hell did he know the exact contents of her bank account? And her address? How much of everything did he know? How much of everything did he have his hands in? 

When was he coming for her?

Alarm bells were ringing in her head, and she pushed herself to a stand, wobbling as she walked unsteadily to her bedroom, collapsing in her closet as she pulled down her old suitcase, not even comprehending her panicked thoughts as she began shoving clothes into it. 

She needed to get out of here, she needed to get Elia out of here. Fuck.

She didn’t know why the hell she’d waited this long, why the hell she’d stayed here like a sitting duck while Arobynn circled closer and closer, just waiting to pounce. He hadn’t yet, but he could at any moment. Any fucking moment. And she wouldn’t wait here to find out when he would. 

Aelin pulled down random items, not paying attention as she packed her suitcase as much as she could, standing up and practically running to her bathroom to start packing her toiletries. She’d figure out where she was going later. It just had to be somewhere, anywhere. 

Just not here. 

But in her poor, miserable heart, a hopeless thought struck true. 

How long would it take for him to find her there? How long would it take him to chase her around the globe, never letting her rest for one single moment in punishment for even daring to leave at all? He wouldn’t stop, he wouldn’t rest, it wasn’t in his nature. She’d embarrassed him, had rebuked him, and he wouldn’t let that go. Ever.

She sank to her knees in the middle of her bedroom, clutching the baby monitor she didn’t remember grabbing close to her heart, feeling a hollow ache inside her. This was it. This was her life now. Forever on the run. Like some lost puppy, never knowing how to find the way home. Because home didn’t exist anymore.

Her phone rang. 

It was like her body was moving independently as she pulled it slowly out of the pocket of her work uniform, not even looking at the screen as she slumped to the floor, curling up in a little cocoon as she answered it. If it was Aobynn, well, she’d have to talk to him eventually. Even if the thought of hearing his voice made her want to shrivel up and die.

“Hello?” Her voice felt disconnected, the sound not making its way through her eardrums into her brain. 

“ Aelin?” 

She blinked. It was Rowan.

“ Aelin, are you there?” She blinked again, some of the cobwebs easing from her head.

“Yeah, sorry.” She didn’t have the energy to sit up, so she stayed laying down, but tried to focus on the voice on the other end of the line.

“ Hey, how was work?” He asked, sounding casual yet a little vulnerable, like he wasn’t used to this, and Aelin was hit with a reminder of what Elide had told her. What he had told her himself, that night, curled up on her bed with her. 

“Do the bad days ever just creep up on you?” She asked quietly, disregarding his question. “Do you ever think you’re doing okay until suddenly you’re not?” 

A pause.

“ Are you okay? Do you want me to come over?” His words were soft, and full of concern, and she sniffed, fighting back nonexistent tears. She didn’t think she physically could cry anymore, no matter how much she felt like she needed to. Arobynn had broken that part of her too.

“Can you just talk to me for a bit?” Aelin asked, closing her eyes.

“ Of course, what do you want to talk about?” 

“Anything,” she answered, “what’s your favorite color?” A soft chuckle on the other end, his breath pulsing through the line across the miles they were apart.

“ Green,” he answered, “ forest green.” She made an empty sound of acknowledgement, trying to picture that color, that vibrancy of life. “ What’s yours, Aelin?” 

“Red,” she said, the answer springing out of her mouth before she could think about it. A strange answer, given her history, but red no longer was the color of his hair, or the color of her blood that sometimes used to spill down her skin. Red was warmth, red was the dwindling but steady fire in her soul, red was Elia. 

“What’s your favorite food?” She asked him after that, hearing another precious chuckle. 

“ Trying to get to know me, are you?” Rowan teased, and a faint smile flickered on the corners of her lips.

“Distract me, Rowan,” she asked, “tell me everything there even is to know about you.” 

A pause, but not a tense one. Instead, it was a soft one, one she felt comfortable in and safe in. 

“ Okay,” he said, “ where should I start?”

His deep soothing voice soon filled her ear, and its gentle melody softly coaxed her into sleep, leaving her with one final thought.

She did know where home was. Home was with Elia, and home was with him.

Chapter Text

“3...2...1… okay, drop your pencil.” Rowan stopped the timer, looking over at her as she dramatically lifted her hand, dropping her pencil so it clattered onto her practice exam. It earned her a half smile.

“How did you feel about this one?” He asked, grabbing her paper before leaning back in his chair, running a hand through his hair idly. Aelin felt her cheeks heat. He was wearing a simple gray t-shirt, and just like that day at the gym, she was struck with the thought of how unfairly attractive he was. Just another thing to add to the list of what she now knew about him.

He’d stayed up on the phone with her for hours that night a few days ago, until she’d managed to fall asleep, waking up to a text from him reading Get some good sleep, I’ll see you tomorrow. 

True to his word, he’d talked about himself the whole time, just the simple stuff like who his parents were and what he liked and disliked, a few memories from his childhood, messing around with his cousins on the farm they owned. She didn’t know what his “dark secret” was, but that felt like something too personal to pry into. She’d figure it out eventually.

This was a turning point for her, not just learning more about him, but just the simple fact that he would stay up with her, would chat with her for that long just because she’d asked him to. Rowan was just good; good to her, good to Elia, just good. She wasn’t used to that.

“Pretty decent,” she replied, chewing on her lip as her gaze flicked up to the windows lining the study room they were in. Being at the campus library had its benefits, such as the quiet space to work, and the proximity to classes, but it had its hazards too, such as the double takes they got from people walking by. 

She and Elia were a novelty everytime they were here, even if her daughter was sound asleep, curled on her lap like always. 

“Definitely not a hundred percent,” she elaborated, “but I think it went fairly well.” She grabbed the pencil, idly tapping it on the table. 

“Well,” Rowan said, all businesslike and professional as he flipped through the packet, his green eyes scanning her work. “It looks pretty good from what I can tell, no clear errors, but I’ll let you know when I grade it.” He sighed, dropping it on the table and sending her a charming half smile.

“Cause you have nothing better to do on a Tuesday night then grade my stats work, huh.” Aelin teased, tilting her head. “Joining me in the no social life club?” 

He shrugged. “Why not? It’s not a bad place to be.” She smiled softly, meeting his eyes as an unconscious blush rose to her cheeks. He held her gaze, a charged moment passing between them. They were sitting close to each other, it wouldn’t take much to just lean over there, to press her lips lightly against his. Or even just be closer to each other, to feel his delicious heat on her skin. It was the first time she’d thought about anything like that in ages, but there was just something about him that made her feel safe. She wanted him, she realized. She wasn’t sure if that scared her or not. 

His gaze dropped to her lips, and she unconsciously wet them, her heart pounding. 

She leaned in to do - something, when her phone buzzed. It was like a bucket of ice water had been poured on her head, and she jerked back, looking away from Rowan as she pulled it out. She didn’t even bother to open it once she saw that familiar unfamiliar number.

“ For fucks sake ,” she muttered under her breath, dropping the device on the table, the mood utterly ruined. 

“What’s wrong?” Rowan asked, ruffling his hair and looking away too, like he was trying to act cool after that little moment . She even caught a faint flush on his face. 

“Nothing.” She cleared her throat, sitting up in her chair. It’s not like she wanted to lie to him, but how exactly did she tell her kind of crush that her unfortunately still legal husband was harassing her? He’d been there at the beginning of this mess, but she was pretty sure he thought it’d been a mistake and that nothing was wrong, and she didn’t really want to shatter that little bubble. 

Why would she? He wouldn’t be able to help, and she’d just be putting him into even more of a difficult position. Even if she longed to be able to have someone to confide in. 

The cash was burning a heavy hole in her pocket, a glaring reminder of why she couldn’t have anyone to confide in. That first step away from independence was fine, but it was all too easy to slip and fall and slide to the other side of the line. 

“I think I need to head out actually,” Aelin said, feeling the strange urge to get rid of the evidence. Rowan looked surprised at the sudden change.

“Oh, okay.” He straightened in his chair, starting to collect her things as she did too. “Leaving me alone in the no social life club?” He asked jokingly, but with a hint of vulnerability underneath it. 

She couldn’t lie when he sounded like that. “If the bank counts as a social life,” she replied, shrugging and smiling as she stood up, shifting Elia carefully so she didn’t wake her up. 

Rowan let out a breath that was half a chuckle, half a sigh of relief, and she bristled slightly at the way he was relieved at the idea of her not having a social life. It hit a familiar chord, even if she knew it wasn’t exactly the same. Just in the very nature of it itself, relief was different than a sense of success. 

“Do you need a ride?” He asked as he slung his backpack over his shoulder, picking up hers too before she could grab it. All she had to carry then was Elia, and the girl was dead weight right now so Aelin appreciated it. She wasn’t sure how physically fit she could consider herself right now.

She smiled placidly at him as she accepted, walking ahead as he gestured for her to go in front of him. 

She ignored the stares as she walked out of the library, well used to them by now. And his car was parked in the attached parking garage, which kept them at least semi-warm until she could crank up the heat. 

But when she opened the passenger side door, she froze, her eyes caught on the backseat. If she could cry, she knew her eyes would be filled with tears right now. Instead, she just stood there, glancing back and forth between the car and Rowan, who was standing there sheepishly, like he’d forgotten what he’d done.

“Rowan…”

He rushed to explain himself. “I was out shopping,” he said, fiddling with both backpacks and not looking at her. “And it was on sale, it was such a good deal I thought why not you know? Just in case you ever needed to borrow my car for something.” He opened the backseat door, and she watched him through the car, not moving from her spot. “But it’s not bad quality,” he seemingly felt the need to amend, “I researched the safety rating and everything and -”

She raised a hand to stop him, and he fell quiet, looking like a schoolboy about to get chewed out by the principal.

“You’ve gone soft, Rowan Whitethorn,” was all Aelin said, staring at the carseat now taking up the back seat on the driver’s side, lined in a nice pale blue. The perfect size for the child currently in her arms. 

When he saw that she wasn’t about to yell at him, Rowan relaxed, smiling slightly. “What can I say, I have to balance out the rest of my personality,” he said drily, and she let out a breathy laugh, walking over to the other side to join him by the door. The carseat was perfectly placed, facing the back for a safe position, a clear line of sight set up for her in the passenger seat.

“So does this mean you’re my official chauffeur now?” Aelin asked, only half joking as she leaned into the car, examining the seat. Deeming it safe, she shifted Elia to place her gently into it, not even waking her. 

“When I’m free, of course,” Rowan replied, “but you can always borrow it if you need to also. I trust you.” His words sent a burst of warmth through her veins, surely spreading onto her face yet again. She just couldn’t stop being flustered around him, much to her chagrin.

“I don’t have my driver’s license, but I appreciate it,” she answered honestly, messing around with all the fancy buckles on the car seat to make sure Elia was hooked in properly. 

Rowan didn’t say anything after that, and when she turned back around, she caught a glimpse of his face coated in anger, which he quickly wiped away when he saw her looking. She had a feeling the anger wasn’t directed at her.

“So yes then,” he said after a moment, swinging her backpack off his arm to hand to her. The slight contact with his skin made her shiver. “I suppose I’m your chauffeur.” 

If only he was just that. 

-------

The bank was crowded for a Tuesday afternoon, but Aelin didn’t let the chaos dissuade her, charging forward to get her place in the line. She’d left Elia with Rowan, wanting to let her nap, and while she was a bit hesitant about it, she trusted him. And it was only for twenty minutes max; she wasn’t letting this stop take any longer than it needed to.

By the time it was her turn, Aelin was fidgeting where she stood, frustrated with the lack of urgency. When a worker freed up, she walked quickly up to them, plastering a quick smile on her face as she set the envelope of cash down. 

“Can I deposit this, please?” She asked, using manners but conveying her urgency. The lady behind the glass smacked her gum as she took it, typing something on her computer before looking back up, her glasses falling down her nose.

“Your name?” She drawled.

“Aelin Galathynius,” she answered, tapping her fingers on the counter. “I have a checking account opened with this bank.”

“Fill this out,” the lady said, sliding her a deposit slip. “And maybe next time consider an ATM, okay sweetie?” She added, condescendingly, and Aelin bristled. 

“That’s not all I’m here for,” she replied tersely, filling out the slip with a tense flourish.

“Oh?” The lady asked sarcastically, boredom clear across all of her features. She wasn’t even looking at Aelin anymore, clicking at something idly on her computer.

“Yes.” Aelin tapped the counter again, louder this time to get her attention. She wasn’t putting up with anyone’s bullshit. “I wanted to see if there’s been any suspicious activity on my account.”

“Has there been any indication?” The lady sighed, fixing her glasses.

“No, but I have reason to believe my account’s been hacked.” 

“Oh really?” The lady huffed under her breath. “Can I get your account number?” Aelin said it, waiting semi patiently as the bank worker pulled up her account on her computer. She hummed a bit as she scrolled through, and Aelin was indignant at the nonchalance. “Everything looks normal. Did you get the second card you requested?” 

Aelin’s brows immediately furrowed. “Second card?” 

“Yeah, it says here you requested a second card be linked to your checking account. It got sent out the other day.” The lady scoffed derisively. “And it seems like you just want to waste my time. You used an ATM this morning.” 

“No I didn’t,” Aelin replied, “I didn’t do either of those things.” Fuck. 

“You didn’t deposit five thousand dollars at the atm on the corner of Oak and Walker this morning at 9:35?” Aelin choked, at the amount and the location. It was the atm nearest to Mistward. 

“I did not,” she managed to say, shaking her head in disbelief. She hadn’t checked her account today but gods. 

The lady just hummed derisively. “Well I wouldn’t complain. You look like you could use it.” 

Aelin didn’t know what to say to that, so she just cleared her throat, trying to get a handle on what she needed to do. “Can I close that second card?” She didn’t know how Arobynn had managed that, but she wasn’t too surprised to be honest. 

But the money… that wasn’t a gift. It was a message with plenty of strings attached.

Look at what you’re missing, darling. Look what I can do. Don’t you want more? All you have to do is come back to me.

------

By the time Aelin got done with the bank and got back outside, Elia was awake. And she wasn’t in the car anymore. Instead, Rowan was holding her, standing in the afternoon air. It was cold, having finally crossed into November, but the day was unseasonably warm, and it was decently nice out. 

Aelin had seen trick or treaters Halloween night, but nobody came to her crappy apartment complex to get candy, and she wasn’t really in the mood anyway. Besides, Elia didn’t even know what Halloween was yet, so she’d worry about that later.

She blinked at the sight in front of her, smiling as Rowan tossed Elia into the air, hearing her precious giggle. It was only a tiny toss, but it probably felt like she was flying. Rowan laughed too, before swinging her around and pressing a smacking kiss to her forehead. Aelin was going to combust.

And then he pretended to drop her, making the little girl shriek with delight. His radiant smile softened when his eyes landed on her. “Hey,” he said, “I hope you don’t mind. She woke up and was fussing, so I took her out for a little stroll.”

Aelin walked over to them, boots crunching on the icy sidewalk. “You managed to calm this hellion? How could I be mad?” She teased.

“Mama!” Elia said, waving her arms, and Aelin took her from Rowan, hugging her daughter close. Elia snuggled into her jacket, blinking her matching turquoise eyes. 

“Got everything you needed?” Rowan asked her as they headed back toward the car, and she nodded.

“Just a few things for my rent payment I needed to sort out,” she replied, omitting a few details. At Aelin’s behest, they’d canceled the other card, and placed her account on high alert, tracking any sudden changes more carefully. Though she was sure Arobynn could easily find a way around it; she just wanted to make it as hard as she could. “It needed to be done.”

“Good to get it out of the way now,” Rowan said, shrugging with his hands in his pockets. “That means you’re free for dinner.”

“Dinner, hm?” Aelin asked nonchalantly, shifting Elia to open the car door. “And what makes you think I want to go to dinner with you?”

Rowan chuckled lightly, smirking as he opened his own door, letting her pass as she walked to her side after buckling in her daughter. “Well, you get my lovely company,” his deep voice rumbled sarcastically and she raised her brows as she slid into her own seat.

“I’m not convinced,” she said mockingly, “what else do you have to offer?”

Rowan lifted his arm to put behind her headrest, looking over his shoulder to back out of the space, and she clenched her legs together. Damn, what was it about that made men look so sexy?

When he straightened, none the wiser to her lecherous thoughts, he tapped his fingers on the steering wheel. “You drive a hard bargain,” he said, shaking his head, “but I suppose I can offer you food.”

“Food at dinner ?” She widened her eyes. “Wow, well I have to accept now.” They exchanged a smile and she relaxed back into her seat. It was just so easy, being with him. She wanted to stay like this forever.

-----

It required some digging through stuff Aelin didn’t even remember having, but eventually she found the journal. It was a soft cover notebook with beautiful falling autumn leaves, looking like little streaks of fire. 

It was unused.

Well, practically. A few pages in the front were filled from when she was still at the shelter, but she hadn’t kept up with it. 

Grabbing a pen, she opened the journal, hearing the long since touched pages crinkle as she flipped to a new page, smoothing it out. Elia was asleep, so there was nothing else for her to do but stare at the white paper until she thought of something to say. There was no desk in her room, so she was just curled up on the carpet, one low light on with her hair pulled up into a loose bun. She was ready for sleep, she just - needed to do this first.

Yrene used to encourage just writing the flow of what her thoughts were telling her, not necessarily holding herself to a specific prompt, but there was a prompt if she needed one. Journaling was supposed to help her process what happened, to help her sort through her thoughts, but Aelin had had a block ever since she’d been out on her own.

She’d shoved it all down apparently, instead of sifting through it, but Aelin didn’t know how to sift through it without having a complete breakdown. Which she couldn’t afford. 

But she could do this; she was just letting everything through on a very tight leash, like a dam with a small leak instead of bursting altogether. So, she put her pen to the page. 

3 specific controlling behaviors he exhibited

2 reasons why she left

1 thing better about her life now

A breath escaped her. She could do this.

3.Dictating what I wear, calling me trashy or a slut or whorish if he didn’t like what I picked

2.Gaslighting me into thinking everything was my fault, that him hurting me was my fault

1.Coercing me to sign over my parents’ company to him

2.Elia

1.I wanted to be a good mom

And, the last one.

1. Rowan

Chapter Text

The day of her exam had finally arrived. It was finally happening. Not that this was the last exam she’d have to take for the class, she still had her final, but this was the exam that was going to determine if she needed to drop the class or not. Which was the worst case scenario, as she wouldn’t get the tuition money back. 

But she could do this. She could get a good enough grade on this. A passing grade was a 70%, and Aelin had a 65%, which was an average from her last two exams and all the homework she wasted time doing. In order to boost her grade up just that final 5%, she needed at least a 75% on this one. 

She could do it. This is what she’d been studying for. But the nerves were settling in her stomach as she waited in the hallway with everyone else in her class, the tense sound of silence waving over the crowd. 

Most of her exams were online, and this one technically was too, but Maeve required them all to be in the same place, so here they were. 

Aelin had left Elia with Rowan, trusting him to watch her while she was gone for a few hours. They were going to meet at Mistward once her exam was finished, as it was much closer to campus than her apartment was, just in case something went wrong. Elia would probably be sleepy, as it was almost her bedtime, but she also would probably be excited to be with Rowan, and would be fussy when Aelin finally brought her home.

The door to the testing room opened, and hundreds of students’ heads popped up, the collective feeling of dread settling.

It was a grim affair as they all shuffled into the lecture hall, taking their normal seats. They were all far enough apart so they couldn’t see anyone else’s screens, though Aelin wasn’t the type to cheat. Besides, she had faith in herself this time. She had much more of a grasp on the concepts on this exam than she did for the first two, when she’d gotten a dreadful 38% and then a not much better 55%. 

But her hands were shaking as she opened her computer, ignoring the differences between it and everyone else’s sleek laptops. That was the last thing on her mind now.

“Okay class,” Maeve herself said from down at the front, pacing smoothly as she looked at them all with level eyes. “You know the rules. You have an hour and a half to finish. Any talking or any sign of collaboration or communication results in an immediate zero.” 

Her heels clicked on the floor. “Your grades will be released once everyone has finished, but you may leave when you are done. Any questions?” No one raised their hands. “Good. You may begin when you’re ready.”

Aelin sighed onto the testing server, loosing a single breath as she hit the start button. There was no Arobynn on her mind, nothing distracting her from getting the grade she knew she deserved. 

She could do this, she could do this. 

She would do this.

------

Aelin’s steps were hurried as she walked back down the hallway of the math building, passing a few other stragglers as she rushed out into the cold. 

Another cold snap had hit Doranelle, and it’d even snowed a bit that day, leaving an icy layer on the sidewalks as walked outside, her boots crunching. This campus was all too familiar to her, despite only being present on it for about three days a week. It was hard to forget when the path on and off had been ingrained into her. 

She fit in when she was by herself, she was the right age to be on a college campus, she almost looked like she belonged with the hoards of sorority girls who wandered in clumps to their classes, laughing and clutching coffee they’d bought from the very cafe she worked at. No one questioned her, though they were surprised when she said she was a freshman. 

Most freshmen lived in one of the shiny new dormitories lining the brick streets, most freshmen partied and went to the football games and had fun. Aelin put the football game on TV every weekend, letting it play idly in the background when she was at her apartment, but she didn’t have a season ticket, and never tried to pawn one off of someone else. Who would she even go with? She didn’t have any friends.

Rowan, her rebellious brain whispered, but she didn’t even know if he watched football, let alone if he’d want to go with her to one of their school’s games. 

Aelin had always liked football, had liked the energy. She used to watch the Terrassen Stags play every weekend with her parents, and occasionally the cousin she hadn’t seen in what felt like a lifetime. 

She never thought that when she was finally at college herself, it would just fade into the background. But there were more important things, and she knew that more than any of the other freshmen here with her.

There were a few other people walking on campus with her, the wednesday night not too busy, but she didn’t linger, making a beeline toward Mistward. Maybe she’d even get back before she got her grade, there were multiple people still taking the test when she left. That gave her a bit of wiggle room.

Except her wish was to no avail, because the notification hit her phone just as she’d made it onto the block Mistward was on. And she couldn’t resist pausing, leaning against the wall of the cafe as she pulled out her phone to check the grade.

She swiped past her text notifications, ignoring her conversations with Arobynn on her quest to get to her grades app. He’d wished her luck on her exam earlier, with the snarky undertone like he knew she’d fail, and she’d wanted to avoid replying, she really wanted to, but she had. Just like she’d replied to every other text he’d sent her over the past week.

She hated that twisted hold he had on her, but it was better for now. Because Aelin had an inkling of an idea that if she stopped responding, he’d come find her and make her respond. 

Her heart was pounding in her chest as she opened the exam grade, her breath catching as she read it. 

And then she was rushing into the cafe. Running more like it. It was after business hours, but Emrys had left the doors unlocked for her.

She burst through the glass doors, eyes scanning the room, finding Rowan behind the counter with Emrys and Elia, holding her propped up on the counter. Her tiny hand was in his as he guided them to spray whipped cream onto the top of what looked like some sort of chocolate frappe. 

Elia looked enthralled by the drink making process, but Rowan paused when he looked up, seeing her there. He looked hesitant as he passed Elia to Emrys, maneuvering to get out from behind the counter, brows furrowed. She couldn’t blame him, she wasn’t giving any indication of what she got on her face.

But then she broke into a blinding smile, and she was running, jumping at him. “I got an 82%!”  She squealed, and he caught her easily, spinning her around in a circle.

“That’s amazing, Aelin,” Rowan said warmly, hugging her tight, her face buried in his neck. Here he was, supporting her, holding her, helping her. She didn’t let herself think about it too much as she pulled back and brought her lips to his.

His mouth was soft and warm, and she was content to stay there forever as she slowly slid to a stand, her hands slipping to cup his face as his fell to her hips. The kiss was slow too, languid with just a bit of pressure before it broke into a few short ones, Aelin breathing heavily as she pulled back, remembering where they were. 

Rowan was staring at her, but she ignored his gaze, staying in his arms as she looked around him at Emrys, who was smiling softly at her. 

“I’m happy for you, Aelin,” he said, and she knew he wasn’t just talking about the grade. She smiled back before hesitantly looking back up at Rowan.

“Well,” she said, trying to hide her vulnerability, “your tutoring worked.” He laughed brightly, sweeping her up into another hug, and she relished in being surrounded by him.

“Mama!” Elia called, and Rowan released her gently, his hand slipping down to link with hers loosely as she leaned against the counter, smiling at her daughter.

“Hello, love,” she said, taking her from Emrys and pressing a smacking kiss to her hair. She was in a good mood, she was in a really good mood. 

“Oh, that reminds me,” Rowan said, letting go of her hand and leaning over the counter. He came back with the frappe in his hands. “Me and Elia made you a chocolate hazelnut frappe to celebrate.”

She half smiled as she took it, the same drink she made every day suddenly precious. “You didn’t know I’d do well.” Rowan just shrugged and smiled gently.

“I had no doubt you would.” 

She looked away, suddenly shy, and took a sip, the sweetness of the drink only amplified by the lingering taste of Rowan. Elia babbled, and Aelin took out the straw, picking up some whipped cream and letting her daughter taste some, laughing at her reaction. 

“Why don’t you two go out tonight?” Emrys offered. “I can watch Elia for the evening.” The sly old man. He knew what he was doing.

Aelin chuckled but looked up at Rowan, who shrugged, as if to say why not?

“Okay, if you’re sure,” she replied, taking another sip of the frappe, and Emrys just tossed the towel he’d been holding over his shoulder, taking Elia from her arms.

“You know I’ll take any chance to steal the little angel,” he teased, and Aelin laughed. Elia was getting tired, she could tell, her little turquoise eyes starting to flutter closed. She could use some good rest. “Now shoo,” Emrys gestured, “go have fun.”

------

The silence was heavy but not uncomfortable as they drove to her apartment, their hands linked loosely together over the center console. Her lips still tingled, but neither of them seemed eager to break that silence and talk about what just happened.

That was, until they pulled up to her apartment, her heart pounding as he stopped the car. She slung her purse over her shoulder as they headed toward her door, Rowan’s hand ghosting her lower back as they climbed the stairs. He’d produced a button up shirt from somewhere in his car, but she didn’t exactly want to wear her sweatpants and heavy sweater out to a bar. Not that she had anything much better, but she could find something.

His heat behind her as she unlocked the door had her breath catching, and she almost stumbled as she went to open it. The creak of the hinges felt louder than normal, or maybe that was just because of the tension coating them as she took a step into the apartment, as he followed that step.

And when she turned to lock the door behind them, it was a slow turn, just like it was to face him again. His green eyes were dark and piercing, and she let out a shuddering breath, his gaze dropping to her lips. 

One breath. Two breaths. And then they were on each other.

Their first kiss was gentle, but this one was not, neither of them willing to wait any longer. She pried open his mouth with her own, clutching his hair with both hands as his dug at her waist, pressing her back against the door.

She was going to die, she was going to fall apart, she was going to completely combust and melt into him. That wouldn’t be a bad way to go, kissing Rowan. He was godsdamned good at it, if the heat soaring through her body was any indication.

One of his hands came up to cup her jaw, his fingers sliding behind her ear and into her hair, tilting her head just right for him to devour her. Aelin was willing prey.

She hadn’t been completely inexperienced before Arobynn, she’d had a few boyfriends in high school. Rich, well connected boyfriends to suit her rich, well connected family, but they’d been normal teenage boys. So she hadn’t been a virgin thank the gods, but Rowan… Rowan was something else.

She’d thought Arobynn was the end all be all of men, as disgusting as that was. She’d willingly fallen into bed with him in the beginning, but she didn’t know what the hell she’d been thinking because there was nothing compared to this.

His tongue swept through her mouth and she moaned, her legs trembling beneath her. Rowan’s hands traveled back down her body, sliding her coat off and running them down her sides, until he was scooping her up. Aelin’s legs went around his waist, melding her body to his as he started walking. 

Her eyes were closed, her senses completely lost in him as his lips slid sexily against hers, so it was only because of how well she knew her apartment that she could tell where he was heading. And when they reached that destination, she hesitated. 

It wasn’t that she didn’t want to, because she did, it was just… 

And either Rowan didn’t plan on going further either, or he could tell she was tensing, because he just set her down gently, pressing three short kisses to her lips before pulling back completely. 

His eyes were dark with lust, his lips swollen and pink, but he smiled softly, gesturing to her closet. “Come on,” he said, “it’s time to go celebrate.”

Rowan kissed her forehead then headed out toward the living room to go change into his own shirt. Aelin pressed a hand to her lips as she went toward her closet, hiding her smile. She didn’t have much to wear out, but she could find something. After flicking through the nonexistent dresses and the nonexistent party clothes, she settled on a pair of jeans and a black long sleeved shirt she’d had for ages but never wore.

Most of her clothes were second hand, a drastic comparison to the mounds of designer clothes she’d had before, but Aelin had tried to maintain some sort of style with her budget. She was hoping she looked retro chic, not two steps away from the streets.

She changed quickly, brushing through her hair and throwing on some nicer looking shoes before grabbing her purse and heading back out to the living room. Rowan was sitting on the couch, scrolling through his email, and damn - it should be illegal for him to look that good. He was just in a simple black button up, unintentionally matching her, but Aelin wanted to rip those buttons apart and devour him.

“Ready?” She asked, breathless, and he looked up, his eyes darkening as he looked at her. She didn’t think she looked like anything special, but apparently he disagreed. 

“Gods,” he laughed shakily, standing up as she walked over, taking her hands and playing with their entwined fingers. 

“What?” She asked, smiling and looking up at him through her lashes. “This old thing?” She looked down at her outfit. Using the grip on her hands, he turned her around, coming to hug her around the waist. 

“You have no idea how beautiful you are,” he said into her ear, “how beautiful you always are.” Her cheeks flamed, but she managed to smirk, looking up at him. 

“Of course I am Rowan,” she teased, “how else did you think I got my 82%?” He chuckled.

“You seduced Maeve?” He joked, and she nodded like it was obvious.

“She’s very into blondes.” She couldn’t hold it in any longer, dissolving into a series of giggles, way too giddy after everything that had happened that evening. Rowan kissed her temple sweetly.

“Come on, you menace, let’s go.” But the moment she stepped away and his breath caught, she remembered why she never wore this shirt. The back was lower than most of the ones she normally donned. Fuck.

“Aelin…” his voice trailed off and she sighed, but didn’t turn back around, letting him get a good look at the beginning of her trauma. “Did he do this to you?” His voice was heartbroken, and she had to correct him.

“No,” she turned back around, “no this one wasn’t him.” She grabbed one of his hands, but didn’t look at him, trying to sort through the painful memory. “I told you my parents died in a car crash, that I survived.” He nodded. “Well that wasn’t the whole story, or at least, that was a very edited version of it.”

She let out a heavy breath. “It was on my eighteenth birthday, and we’d gone out as a family. I had friends, but most of them were superficial, it wasn’t any sort of lasting relationship, which is why I lost practically all of them after that.” Her lip trembled, her eyes still dry. “My dad was speeding on the way home, and I don’t remember too much, but I do remember the impact. We hit another car head on on the interstate and… I was out for a bit. I was buckled into the backseat, but they weren’t buckled in at all and-” he pulled her in close, letting her speak the next words into his chest. “I couldn’t open any of the doors, so I crawled through a broken window to get to them. It tore up my back, and I even had to get surgery because some of the pieces of glass cut too close to my spine.”

She shook her head against his shirt. “And then,” her voice got tighter, “I found out later they were drunk.” He breathed in sharply. “They were drunk and they still drove, knowing it, knowing I was in the car. They were drunk and I crawled through fucking glass to get to them.” 

His hands tightened around her. “I’m so sorry, Aelin. I’m so sorry.”

“I got into alcohol after that, ironically,” she spit, “Arobynn encouraged it. Which is why I don’t drink anymore, why I didn’t drink at the bar that night. I won’t let myself be like them.”

“And I was about to take you to a fucking bar,” Rowan said disparagingly, “I’m so-”

“No,” she shook her head, “don’t feel bad. There was no way you could know. And I still want to go, it’s been long enough where I can handle one drink, or I don’t have to drink at all, it’s fine.”

Rowan was hesitating, she could tell, so she lifted a hand to his cheek, pressing one kiss to his unfairly soft mouth. “Take me out, Rowan.”

He sighed into her mouth, nodding. “Okay.”

------

The bar was more crowded than she was expecting for a weeknight, but she supposed that’s what happened when your bar was blocks away from a college campus. Aelin even recognized a few people from her stats class, obviously getting in with fake IDs, much to her cynical amusement. 

It was the same bar they’d gone to the first time, which she hesitated at. Arobynn had some sort of connection here, if he’d gotten the note through to her, but Rowan didn’t know that. And his friend Fenrys was working, and could get them drinks for free, so she just sucked it up, choosing to look at it optimistically.

After the incident at her apartment, Aelin had wanted to change shirts, uncomfortable knowing part of her scars were visible, but when Rowan had kissed them all, whispering words of comfort to her, she’d decided to try and stop being so ashamed of them. Just another thing Arobynn had engrained in her.

But her skin prickled uncomfortably as she sat down on the barstool, even when Rowan set his hand lightly on her lower back, ordering them both a drink. She’d have one Sex on the Beach, which she couldn’t resist getting, waggling her brows at Rowan when she relayed her choice. She didn’t anymore than that, but she deserved to celebrate at least a little bit.

Aelin had gotten a laugh from Fenrys too, who’d passed it to her. She’d barely gotten to talk to him the first night, but he seemed decent enough, though she didn’t trust people who laughed a lot. It usually meant they had something to hide. She’d been like that before, hiding her abuse and unbearable sadness, and she’d promised herself to never be like that again.

“So, do you think this bodes well for me for my final?” She asked Rowan, propping her head up on her elbow. She looked up at him through her lashes, it seemed now that she’d started flirting with him she couldn’t stop. But he was equally as guilty, trailing a hand up and down her jean clad thigh as he leaned in closer than necessary. 

“I think you’re going to crush it,” he said, inches away from her mouth. “Absolutely demolish the exam.”

“Oh?” She breathed, eyes dropping to his lips. “You think so?”

“Yeah,” Rowan said, his hand trailing higher, and he smirked, “All you have to do is wear this top again, Maeve won’t be able to resist.” Aelin burst out laughing, throwing her head back, and Rowan looked mighty proud of himself, though his smile was as soft as it was pleased.

They’d have a proper conversation about everything tomorrow, she didn’t want to ruin her good mood by having reality drop in now. Arobynn wasn’t even on her mind, a rarity that she would do anything to keep.

She took another sip of her drink, the fruity taste coating her tongue, so different from the bitter burning liquids Arobynn used to punish her with. The thought made her drain a bit more.

Rowan had ordered an old fashioned, and was sipping on it just like her. As if he was content to be in the moment instead of wasting it away like most college students. 

“Any news on your internship?” Aelin asked, swirling around her drink. Rowan sighed through his nose. 

“Maeve is still stringing it out,” he complained, “not telling me when they’re going to tell me if I’m in or not. I still don’t even know if I want to accept. Eyllwe is just… so far away.” 

A queasy feeling sunk in her gut. She looked behind him, toward some of the lights lining the bar instead of meeting his eyes. “Well, you said it’s a good opportunity. Do you want to miss out on it?” The lights blurred a little and she blinked, trying to clear her vision.

“It is, but do I want to be working under Maeve?” Rowan mused. “It’s in Eyllwe, but she has a hand in the company, it’d basically be like I’m reporting directly to her.” She blinked again, shaking her head slightly. It was loud in here, the second half of his sentence had gotten muddled. 

Her body felt fuzzy, the alcohol going through her faster than she thought. She’d only had half a drink, why did she feel like this?

“I’m gonna be right back,” she told Rowan, standing up on shaky limbs. His brows furrowed, at her slurred voice, at her strange walk, she didn’t know. She needed to splash cold water on her face. She was going to be sick.

The lights were messing with her head, and there were too many people in her way. Her eyelids kept trying to close, and when she reached the hallway to the bathroom, she had to pause, leaning against the wall and trying to breathe slowly. 

Gods. She wasn’t sure her legs could hold her anymore. Rowan, where was Rowan? She shouldn’t’ve left him. But she didn’t think she could call out to him, her mouth felt like it had cotton balls in it. She could hear the liquid rushing through her ears, everything muffled, and her neck felt like jelly, flopping forward. 

She just wanted to go to sleep…

Aelin? A familiar voice called out. Aelin? What’s wrong?

But whoever they were, they were too late. Her legs gave out and she was falling...falling...falling. She collapsed to the floor, her heart beating all too slowly. 

Her body coaxed her to sleep, and this time, she let it take her.

Chapter Text

They decided to elope, much to Aelin’s original chagrin. She’d always expected to get married at a temple, with hundreds of high society people there, in a poofy white gown while her parents praised her for marrying a man from such a well to do family. She would be happy of course, and dreadfully in love, so in love she didn’t care about anyone else there. 

But she’d always expected there’d be at least someone else there. Instead, there was no audience to celebrate with her, there was no poofy gown, and there weren’t any parents. Arobynn was estranged from his parents, who lived thousands of miles across the ocean, and her parents - well, they weren’t exactly able to attend.

Aelin technically did have a dress, though it wasn’t the fairytale ballgown of her childhood dreams. She’d let Arobynn pick it out, and his style wasn’t quite the same as hers. 

None of that really mattered though, she was just happy to be there, in a small scenic temple on the edge of Adarlan, a private jet ready to fly them to the Southern continent for a romantic honeymoon. It was a different sort of glitz and glamour, and Aelin was completely enthralled by it. Completely enthralled by him.

The ceremony itself was quick, and Aelin was left smiling after it as she realized what that meant for her. She wasn’t alone anymore, which meant everything.

His private jet loomed before them, but she wasn’t on it, wasn’t walking toward it. Instead, she was leaning against the railing overlooking the coastline. They were perched up on the cliffs that lined the pebbly beach in Adarlan, but it was no less beautiful than some of the picturesque destinations they would be at in a few hours. 

She sighed happily, the sound of the ocean almost drowning out the sound of the airplane hum. She’d always liked the ocean, and the beach, though she hadn’t been to one since her family vacation more than five years ago. There was something soothing about it, something that seemed to counteract the fire in her blood that sometimes made her unbearable restless. She was at peace there, and that was a feeling she missed.

Arms slid around her stomach to hold her from behind, and she hummed, leaning back into the body behind her. 

“Hello, Mrs. Hamel,” he crooned, and she smiled again, turning her head to look up at him. 

“ Galathynius -Hamel,” she corrected fondly, “I’m hyphenating it, remember?” Arobynn leaned down and pressed a quick kiss to her cheek.

“I already filled out the forms, hyphenating it is unnecessary.”  Ice flooded her veins.

“Oh.” She knew she sounded dejected, confused, tense, but he either didn’t notice or didn’t care. “But that’s what I wanted to do,” she protested, her brows furrowed. “Why did you just decide to ignore me?” A weird feeling was crawling over her, a feeling she didn’t quite know how to describe.

No longer a Galathynius, but a Hamel instead. She should be glad to get rid of that lingering stain of her parents, glad to spite it all and dissociate herself from the people who’d wrecked her life. But it still felt like a loss. A loss he’d caused.

“You don’t need both names,” Arobynn replied, his arms tightening around her. They suddenly felt like a vice-like grip around her and her breaths quickened. 

“Why didn’t I get a say in that, though?” Aelin asked, tensing and turning her face back to the ocean. She tried to push free of his arms to face him properly, but he kept his grip.

“You’re not thinking properly about it,” he said, a brow raised, “Your input is biased, and dare I say, invalid.” She bristled, and opened her mouth to respond to the insult wrapped in pretty technical terms, but he shushed her, pressing a kiss to her temple. “Come on, let’s just forget about it and go enjoy the beach, hm? You’ll forget about this in no time.”

Aelin’s brows furrowed at the phrasing of the sentence, but didn’t protest as he grabbed her hand, ignoring the warning signs in her head as he led her to the plane. 

---

Her shopping bags crinkled in her arms as she maneuvered them to open the front door, smiling and beating Mullin to the chase, who tried to open it for her. 

“I’m rich, yes,” she joked, “but I can still open my own doors.” Mullin smiled back, like he was laughing at the joke, but Aelin glimpsed an odd light in it that made her uncomfortable, so she just kept going into the house, letting him close the door behind her. She dropped the bags with a huff, the sound echoing through the grand foyer of her new house. 

She didn’t know where Arobynn was, her husband. It was still so new the word still surprised her. Maybe he was still at the office. 

Aelin had recognized his name when he finally told her that first day they met; he was in the same business as her… parents were in. Real estate. Something she didn’t have much interest in, but she’d come across his name when her parents used to talk about the business, still hanging on to the hope that she’d change her mind. She hadn’t, and now it was too late.

But real estate meant money, and money meant -

“Shopping, hm?” A familiar voice said, and she turned around, smiling. But while his voice sounded light, his face was tense, and her smile faded. 

“Yeah,” Aelin said, trying to sound cheerful. “I didn’t have anything to do today, so I figured why not?” Arobynn’s face was unreadable as he stalked over to her, leaning down and snatching one of her bags off the ground.

“And what did you buy?” He asked rhetorically, taking the first item out of the bag. It was from a high end store at the Rifthold mall, they all were really, stores she’d shopped at since she was big enough to fit in them. It was a tradition she used to have with her mom, going on monthly shopping trips and spending whatever she wanted. Granted, it wasn’t with her money anymore, though she supposed it kind of was. Her inheritance had been absorbed into Arobynn’s bank account, her parents’ company now signed over to him.

She didn’t know what to do with it, and he insisted that he did, so she just let him have it. All she needed was his credit card.

He scoffed as he held out the first dress she’d bought, a dress she rather liked. It was floral and loose, made from a flowy material that made her feel like she was floating on air, perfect for the upcoming spring season. It was whimsical and light and - 

“Childish,” Arobynn spit, and she flinched, “this is childish, Aelin.” He held up the dress, and she averted her eyes. “How do you expect anyone to take you seriously when you wear things like this?”

“I -”

He ignored her, dropping the bag as he picked up another one, pulling out the black dress she’d bought. It was short, and practically backless, with a halter neckline and a golden embroidered dragon climbing up alongside the hem. This one was definitely not childish, it was -

“Whorish,” he decided, “you’d look like a slut in this. Is that what you want?” He leveled a dark stare at her. Aelin blinked, her mouth turning down into a frown.

“No, but I don’t thin-”

“Who took you shopping? You can’t drive, who went with you?” Arobynn asked, snatching up the rest of the bags, and snapping his fingers at Mullin, who took them without another twisted smile, disappearing with them into another room.

“Ben did,” she answered, naming the chauffeur. “He offered to when I said I was bored.” Her hands clenched in fists unconsciously, tucked by her sides. He let out a snort of derision.

“Ben, huh,” he said, his voice dripping with condescension and anger, “well I’ll have a little chat with him.” 

Aelin stared after him as he stomped away smoothly, left alone once again in the grand room. 

She never saw Ben again.

—

Aelin couldn’t deny that she was a tad nervous as she walked into Arobynn’s office building, the man himself at her side. It was his company’s end of quarter cocktail party, and for the first time, Aelin got to see where he spent his days. And who he spent his days with.

She was draped in a dark red dress, professional looking but not too dowdy, edging the line of appropriate and not. He’d picked it out, ever since her shopping trip she just let him dress her. Saved herself an argument. 

“Are you nervous, darling?” Arobynn asked her, picking out her thoughts with precision, and she nodded, not finding it necessary to lie. “Don’t be, if you keep your mouth shut you’ll be perfectly fine.” The words were said warmly but Aelin just felt cold.

She didn’t speak again as they walked into the lobby. It was already an upscale building, with marble and glass characterizing the space, but it was even more dressed up now, with white covered tables, soft lighting, light jazz music, and waiters carrying around drinks and appetizers. 

Arobynn used the arm on her lower back to guide her, and she followed willingly, having nothing else to do, nowhere else to go. He took them up to a man she’d never seen before. He was on the shorter side, with ruddy brown hair and a plain brutish looking face.

“Tern,” Arobynn said, reaching out to shake his hand. “Nice to see you here.” 

“Same to you,” Tern said, a tilted smile on his face like there was something she didn’t know. “Though this party could be a lot more fun.” 

“Oh?” Her husband asked idly as he snatched a glass of champagne from a waiter. Aelin was craving one, she wanted that bubbly burst of warmth in her stomach, but she was waiting for him to say it was okay. She wasn’t legal yet after all, and while she drank plenty at home, Arobynn was odd about her drinking in public. 

It was fair, as if anyone questioned her it could be bad for both of them, but it was still disappointing. 

But she didn’t dare say anything about it, not when last time she ordered a drink at a restaurant, they ID'd her and he’d been visibly upset. He hadn’t let her drink at all for a week after that. It’d been utterly miserable.

“Yeah, there’s not nearly enough women here,” Tern said, chuckling like it was a joke between the two of them, and to her dismay, Arobynn laughed too. “Speaking of women, who’s this lovely lady?” 

Aelin looked up, aware he was talking about her, but when she went to answer, she was cut off.

“This is Aelin Galathynius, my plus one.” 

Galathynius. His plus one. Her polite smile faded, a queasy feeling replacing it. It was his turn to lie apparently. 

“Galathynius, huh?” Tern asked, looking her up and down in an appraisal that made the queasy feeling grow. “Interesting, you being here at a competitor’s party.” She’d be confused if she could direct any energy toward the feeling. Did no one know she didn’t own the company anymore? “No matter though,” the man added with a twisted smile, “the more the merrier.”

She managed to nod, her lips pressed together in a thin smile, a smile that remained for a good portion of the evening. But the more people she met, the more Arobynn introduced her like that, the harder and harder it was to keep the tears at bay. She just wanted to go home.

When Arobynn saw her glistening eyes, his mouth tightened, and he used his hold on her to direct her out into a hallway, away from the party.

“What. is the issue,” he asked tensely, and she used the privacy to wipe her eyes, shaking her head.

“Nothing,” she insisted, “nothing’s wrong.” He surprised her by grabbing her arm and shoving her up against the wall. Her face paled at the show of aggression.

“Obviously something’s wrong,” he said, his teeth gritted, “otherwise you wouldn’t be standing here looking like your dog just died.” 

“I just don’t understand,” she decided to admit, albeit hesitantly with the way she was pinned against the wall. Apprehension rolled through her.

“Enlighten me to your struggle then,” Arobynn replied, a dangerous light in his eyes. She clenched her jaw, lifting her chin in a show of strength, though she didn’t feel very strong now. She hadn’t felt strong in months.

“You changed my last name yet you refuse to use it,” she said, letting the words fall out of her mouth, “you also married me yet you refuse to acknowledge it to anyone. It’s like you’re ashamed of me.”

Her heart was pounding as adrenaline raced through her veins.

“And why shouldn’t I be?” He spit. “You’ve embarrassed me enough this evening.” 

“Embarrassed you?!” She replied incredulously, suddenly frustrated. “I haven’t done anything but shut up and smiled, just like you asked!” She blamed that frustration for her next words. “If anything, you’re embarrassing me .”

Aelin didn’t see the slap coming, but once she did it was too late to avoid it. Stinging spread across her left cheek as her head ricocheted to the side, leaving her breathing heavily, her eyes wide. She brought her hand up hesitantly to cover the pain, looking at him slowly.

“You… hit me,” she said slowly, trying to comprehend what just happened. “You hit me.” Her words were a bit more firm. “How could you do that?” She truly didn’t understand, but there was too much yet not enough running through her head to even say anything beyond that. She was in disbelief. “Why would yo-”

“Let’s go home,” Arobynn said firmly, not looking the least bit remorseful. She hesitated, and he dragged a hand up her bare arm, in a show of soothing her. It didn’t. “Come on,” he smirked a bit, changing his tune, “I’ll make it up to you I promise.” 

Aelin hesitated at that too, knowing what he meant. And she wasn’t sure that would accomplish his goal. It’d been good at first, great even, but lately, she’d felt a little less desired and a little more used.

But when he grabbed her arm and led her to the exit, she didn’t protest.

-----

Her head ached like crazy, that was the first thing she noticed as she blearily blinked her eyes open, a tired sense of terror in her veins. Lingering more than tired really, like the last vestiges of it quickly slipping into resignation. And realization.

It was Arobynn, of course it was Arobynn. There was a slight chance it could’ve been some random guy in the bar who thought she was attractive and paid the bartender to drug her, Fenrys, which she’d have words with Rowan about. But she didn’t talk to anyone besides Rowan, she didn’t even see anyone besides Rowan. 

So it was him. He’d done it before even, and she admonished herself for not recognizing the feeling when it’d been happening, but it hadn’t felt the exact same way. Before, there’d been at least some preparation, she was aware of it; this time she was blindsided purely for his own amusement. Just because he could. 

Her gut sank and she rolled over onto her back, staring up at the ceiling of her bedroom. She wasn’t surprised she was here, she recognized Rowan’s voice now as the one who’d called to her as she fell unconscious and he’d probably gotten her back safely. But where was -

“Elia,” she managed to say, her throat unbearably dry. Aelin pushed herself up in bed, squinting at the bright light. “Where’s Elia?” 

She didn’t know who she was talking to, there was no one in her room with her, but when Rowan walked in, she knew she’d really been asking him. 

And he looked absolutely wrecked. 

He was still in his outfit from the night before, though it was all wrinkled, and his hair was all over the place, like he’d strung his fingers through it an infinite number of times. There were dark circles under his eyes, like he hadn’t slept all night. He probably hadn’t. But those eyes lit with relieved surprise when they landed on her.

“Oh, you’re awake,” He said, loosing a breath as he walked over to her, setting a glass of water down on her nightstand. 

“Where’s my daughter, Rowan,” she asked urgently, “Emrys doesn’t watch her overnight.” He nodded, sitting hesitantly down on the edge of her bed.

“Yeah, after I got you into the car, I picked her up and took her to Elide and Lorcan’s apartment,” he answered, and her eyes widened. She opened her mouth to respond, but he cut her off, lifting his hands in supplication. “Before you murder me, know that I never would’ve left her there if I wasn’t one hundred percent confident that she’d be safe there.” She narrowed her eyes but let him talk. “I’ve known Lorcan for ages, and I trust Elide even more than him, and they’re going to take perfect care of her.” She hesitated, but met his eyes as he said, “Trust me.” And she did.

So she nodded. “Why though? Why not bring her here?” She questioned, even though she pretty much knew the answer already.

“I wasn’t sure what was wrong with you,” Rowan answered honestly, and she picked up the glass of water, draining the whole thing to soothe her fiery throat. “Well at first I didn’t know if you needed to go to the hospital or what I needed to do or if you were even going to be okay, and I couldn’t take care of her at the same time as I was figuring all of that out. I knew she’d be better there for the time being.” He looked at the clock on her nightstand. “I told them I’d come pick her up at noon, is that okay?”

That was about three hours from now, gods she’d been out for a while. She tested the idea in her head for a moment, but eventually nodded. “That’s okay, as long as you trust them.” 

“I do,” he replied, “wholeheartedly.” A quiet moment passed, until she winced at a sharp pain in her head. That seemed to spur him into action, and instead of the bed, he sat in the kitchen chair conspicuously placed right by her. Idly she realized he must’ve sat there the whole time she was asleep. A strange sensation grew in her chest at the thought, rushing through her body and filling every inch of her veins and taking her breath away. She shoved it aside for later examination.

“How are you feeling?” Rowan asked, his brows furrowed, and she chuckled drily.

“Pretty shitty, I can’t lie.” She dragged a hand down her face, sliding down until she was wrapped in the covers again. “I haven’t felt this bad in a while.” He made a hum of acknowledgement, looking concerned when she tilted her head his way. “Do you know what happened to me?” She asked, almost like a test. 

He sighed, leaning forward to brace his arms on his knees. “I do,” he said, clearly upset, “and I'm going to have words with Fenrys, believe me.” He huffed. “The audacity of some people, it’s absurd. Who actually thinks it’s okay to drug someone, just because they think they’re attractive?” He was on a rant now. “I will never understand, it’s just horrible and I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with that, that anyone has had to deal with that.” 

Aelin stepped in then, voicing what she’d wanted to say since she woke up. “That’s all true, but it wasn’t some random guy,” she admitted, “it was Arobynn, I’m sure of it.” He froze, lifting his head slowly to look at her, horrified. 

“Arobynn?” He asked, and she nodded, her jaw clenched.

“I don’t even need to think about it,” she added, “it was definitely him. I’m glad you were there,” she continued, her words vulnerable. “I’m glad there was someone I could trust to get me home safely. Otherwise… I don’t know what would’ve happened.” Their kiss flashed in her mind, kisses, and everything they still hadn’t said to each other. But they’d worry about that later.

“It was terrifying finding you on the floor like that,” he said quietly, his eyes haunted, “I - don’t think I’ll ever forget that feeling.” Aelin wanted to reach out and squeeze his hand, but she didn’t, just staring at him instead. “But I’m also glad I was there, I’m glad nothing worse happened.”

“Yeah,” she rasped, “If he’d gotten to me, that - wouldn't have been good.” An understatement.

Rowan froze, icy rage etched into his statuesque features. “Has he-” he began, searching for the words. “Did he used to-”

“Rape me?” Aelin filled in for him, her voice hollow. She fidgeted under the covers, fighting the pounding in her head as she pushed herself up to a sitting position, leaning against the headboard. She turned her head to face Rowan where he was perched on the edge of the bed, wariness overtaking his face, like he was scared of how she’d react to the question. Scared, and concerned for what that answer would be.

She sighed, dropping her head back against the wood veneer. “Depends on your definition of it.” Her voice was weak with her tiredness, her exhaustion, her flickers of trauma sparking through her nerves at the faint thought of what happened. “I wouldn’t say so at first.” She shrugged. “As repulsive as it is to think about now, I wanted it.” Maybe if she wasn’t so drained the words wouldn’t come out with such nonchalance, but she couldn’t even find the energy to care. 

Not with what had happened. 

“But?” Rowan asked, and she sighed again, patting the bed lightly to gesture for him to sit there fully. And he did, scooting over so their shoulders were brushing. His arm immediately went to drape over her shoulders, and the way his fingers combed through the ends of her stringy hair soothed her in a way she didn’t think was possible. It gave her the courage to keep speaking. 

“But,” she continued, eyes flicking down to look at the comforter. This was the first time she’d ever uttered these words. “As things got worse and worse, well, it had never been about me to begin with. And I think maybe he started to enjoy toying with me more?” 

Aelin took Rowan’s other hand with both of hers, just to have something to do with them, to mess with his fingers to vent her nervous energy. 

“It got more - painful,” she admitted, looking everywhere but his face. “And he seemed to enjoy it more when I-“

“Didn’t?” Rowan supplied quietly as her words failed her and she nodded stiltedly. 

In almost a whisper, she said, “that’s how I know without a doubt it was him who’d drugged me last night. He’s done that multiple times before.” He stiffened next to her. “One of his ‘experiments’ I’d complied with just to make sure he didn’t lash out at me.” Her voice got tighter and tighter, a lump stuck in her throat. “But even then, I didn’t realize - I thought I was happy because I was making him happy.” 

She shook her head, her voice practically gone as she forced out, “I was so wrong.” 

Rowan sighed, his arm a soothing weight on her shoulders. With his free hand, he tilted her chin gently to make her look at him. She did, albeit warily. 

“Why did you want to sleep with him? Originally?” He asked, and she furrowed her brows. 

“What?” She was dumbfounded. “Why would you-“

“Why did you want to sleep with him?” He repeated, and she jerked out of his hold, indignant.

“I don’t know, Rowan,” she spit, suddenly defensive, “why does one normally sleep with someone? Because they’re hot, or they’re a good kisser, or they just want to, I don't know. I regret it now, obviously, I’m disgusted, but I just wanted to then.”

“Did you?” Rowan continued, looking calm and collected in contrast to her sudden fire. 

“What do you mean? Of course I did.” 

“So there was nothing off at all,” Rowan spoke, and she tried to stutter for an answer before he continued, “it was that straightforward. There was no underlying feeling of coercion, no part of you that felt like it wasn’t right, or a part of you that felt like you owed him that to fulfill some sort of debt you thought you had?”

“He…” she trailed off, trying to orient her memories. 

“Where were you the first time?” He asked. “When was it?” 

“The cabin he bought up in the mountains,” she answered, feeling small at the thought. She wanted to sink into the mattress. “He told me we were going on a vacation the same hour that we left. And then we… and he proposed too.” 

Rowan’s mouth tightened. “So he surprised you with this trip, isolated you, after spoiling you with a bunch of clothes and other stuff you said,” she nodded to confirm, “and then he slept with you, full well knowing you were barely legal and had just gone through a major trauma. And then proposed to make sure you’d only ever be turning to him. And you’re sure there was an equal balance of power there? You’re sure that in the beginning it was okay ?”

Aelin blinked. And then blinked again. “Oh.” 

Her chest felt too tight. Rowan was waiting, waiting for her to speak, so she did. “I guess I - knew that?” She tried to explain, “maybe? Somewhere I did. I knew it wasn’t right, I knew I was too young, but I just am struggling to grasp that my memory could be lying to me. That I’m lying to myself.” She blinked rapidly, her voice as tight as her lungs. “It was always assault.” The words tasted bitter.

“Am I supposed to feel like this, Rowan?” She asked, looking at him and his eyes that held infinite sorrow. Not pity, sorrow. And anger. “Am I supposed to feel like I’m being eaten from the inside out by this creature stitched together with my stupidity, my suffering,” she shook her head, her lips trembling, “and my shame.” 

Rowan wrapped her in his arms quickly, squeezing her tight and letting her shudder into his chest. “I’m falling apart,” she whispered into his shirt, “I’m falling apart but I can’t because I have Elia. And I can’t because being in pieces would mean I crawl back to him to fix me, when he was the one who shattered me first.” 

He pressed kisses to her neck, to her jaw, to her face. Not languid ones, quick desperate ones, like he was trying to put her back together with just his lips. But still, she didn’t cry. 

She just clutched his shirt, trying to keep afloat, blaming her addled state for the words she let leave her mouth. “He’s been here the whole time,” she admitted, feeling Rowan tense. 

“What?”

“He left me that note,” she said, not daring to look, “he keeps texting me, he never stops, he sends me pictures of me, harasses me,” she shook her head, growing frantic, “he hacked my bank account, gave me money and paid my rent but didn’t let me buy groceries one time, and now this. I’m just so scared of what he’s going to do, I’m scared of what he’s thinking, I’m scared of him.” The words were an admittance, something she hadn’t said out loud. “I’m scared of him, and I don’t know what to do.” 

Aelin pulled back a bit, a wave of dizziness hitting her. She felt like she’d been hit by a truck. Rowan was silent as she leaned back against the pillows, his face twisted into one of anger, more anger than she’d ever seen from him. Logically, she knew he wasn’t mad at her. Right?

Was he mad she’d lied to him? Mad she hadn’t trusted him? Hadn’t told him when his safety was possibly in jeopardy? He should be mad. It would only be what she deserved. 

It was those thoughts circling her head that made her do what she did. Those thoughts controlled her movements to the point where when he leaned over, getting closer to her … she flinched. 

She fucking flinched. 

It was like all the air was sucked out of the room, Rowan’s eyes wide and her own frozen. 

“I was just fixing your blankets,” he said quietly, lifting his hands up. She looked down slowly, seeing her comforter all twisted, half falling off the bed. “That’s all.” 

A noise close to a sob escaped her, her throat tightening until her eyes began to water. And for the first time in years, she cried. 

Tears streamed down her face as she sobbed, simultaneously feeling like her soul was breaking apart and also being freed at the same time. Rowan responded faster than she could blink, wrapping his arms around her and pulling her close. Aelin buried her head in his chest, his dress shirt getting wet as she spilled out every single emotion she’d buried deep inside.

“Why did he treat me like that, Rowan?” She asked through her tears. “What did I do to deserve it?”

One hand was looped around her back, and the other landed on her head, smoothing back her hair. “No, don’t think like that,” he insisted, “you didn’t do anything to deserve that, there’s no way you could even deserve that.” He sounded close to tears himself. “He’s just cruel, and heartless, and a sorry excuse for a human being, and he took that out on you.”

“But why?” She whispered, squeezing her eyes shut. “Why me? Why did he have to break me ?” He combed through her hair, almost like a massage, and she sighed. “He took everything that was still normal about me after the crash and wrecked that too, and now I’m just left with nothing.” 

“You have Elia,” Rowan reminded, “and you’ll always have me.” 

Her eyes were swelling with the force of her tears, but she didn’t care as she looked up at him. She lifted a shaky hand to his cheek and moved closer to press one soft kiss to his lips. He let out a shuddering sigh, their eyebrows touching as they breathed the same air.

“You’ll always have me too,” Aelin said quietly.  “To whatever end.”

“To whatever end,” he agreed, and that was all she needed to hear.

Chapter Text

She’d explained it to Emrys as a cold. A simple cold, that’s all it was. It required a few days off of work, but only because she didn’t want to infect anyone else of course. 

The truth was, Aelin felt too shitty to leave her apartment, let alone work a shift at a busy cafe. Emrys had understood of course, and though Aelin was upset about missing the pay, she had a bit of cushion from the money Arobynn had put into her account. She hated herself for it, but she couldn’t do anything but accept it. Keeping Elia safe and fed was more important than her pride.

She’d had to miss a stats lecture too, something that almost made her ignore her aching body in favor of trekking out into the snow to campus. But Maeve didn’t take attendance, so Aelin would survive the absence. 

In addition to homework, Aelin spent the extra time with Elia. They read all the picture books Aelin owned, twice. They played with blocks, and sorted them by color. They did a puzzle, and even painted together, Aelin using some dollar store paint she bought and letting Elia finger paint all over one of her notebooks. 

It’d been nice having some time to just have fun together, and not stress as much as she’d been lately. It was a few days of safe haven, where she didn’t think about Arobynn, she didn’t think about school, she didn’t think about work or money or everything hanging over her head. It was freeing.

Rowan had come over a few times too, when he could. Usually around dinner. He’d knock on the door, carrying his bundle of groceries, and make them all a feast to eat. Aelin usually thanked him with a kiss. 

They hadn’t talked about Arobynn yet, but she knew the discussion was coming. He was just letting her have a bit of peace first. 

It even seemed like Arobynn was giving her some space, probably just to let the full impact of what he’d done sink in. No texts, no sightings, nothing. Aelin didn’t know what to think.

But the time had come for her to go back to work, her body finally feeling up to par. The drugs had knocked her out of it, worse than it had before. This must have been more than a single dose; usually she wasn’t knocked unconscious. Aelin hated that there was a usually . 

But it was true. From what she remembered, she’d be groggy, not completely asleep, and it took her about a day to bounce back, not three.  But she wished it was the other way around. Back then, she didn’t have anything to do with her time besides sit around and wait for something to happen. Maybe read, maybe play the piano, but that was pretty much it. Arobynn didn’t let her go many places without him, and since she’d given up control of her company, there wasn’t much she could do with that either.

Aelin regretted that the most, giving up her parents' legacy. At first, everyone had thought she still owned it, she’d gleaned that much. But she also knew that Arobynn had strategically merged it with his own company, under the guise of a partnership between the two of them, not a marriage. 

He hadn’t wanted his pristine reputation to be damaged by marrying an eighteen year old, yet he wanted her tied to him. 

She wished she’d seen the irony then.

Aelin sighed, wrapping her thickest coat tighter around herself as she made her way down the icy street. The weather was particularly bad today, she noticed. A storm was predicted to roll through that evening, but it looked like it’d be sooner.

How lovely.

She muscled through the rest of the walk, keeping herself bundled up as she hurried into Mistward. She was opening that morning much to her chagrin. Rowan had picked up Elia just before she left, taking babysitting duty. He apparently only had a virtual class that day, his professor not wanting to show up to campus in the snow. Fair, and Aelin couldn’t help but be grateful for it, trusting him to take care of her daughter.

She trusted Elide now to a certain extent she supposed. She’d insisted on coming to drop off Elia that day instead of making Rowan leave and go get her, and stopped in to talk to Aelin for a bit. She was a sweet person, and seemed genuine, and Rowan’s word was favorable to her, so Aelin couldn’t help but believe she took good care of all the kids she looked after.

Elia had certainly seemed happy, so there was nothing for Aelin to complain about. If anything, it was just more options for babysitters. 

Aelin pulled out her key, unlocking the door to the cafe and hurrying inside. It was cold in there too, but she flicked on the lights and turned on the heat, and it was warming up in no time. Good timing too, because soon a light dusting of snow was falling outside.

And soon there was more. And more. And more. 

It didn’t stop, and a sense of foreboding rose in her.

There was only a small trickling of customers instead of the usual crowd, and by the time Emrys came in, a few hours after she started working, the cafe only had a few people in it and the snow outside was falling more heavily than ever.

“It’s really coming down out there,” Emrys mused, and she made a hum of agreement, her eyes drifting toward the windows for the millionth time that day. The world outside was turning white, and she couldn’t help but be a bit surprised. It was still early in the season for this much snow, but she supposed the weather didn’t really stick to a clear set of rules. It did whatever the hell it wanted to.

But then through the snow, she spotted a little bright turquoise hat, a hat she’d bought. A smile formed on her face as the door opened, that little hat and the child in it, plus the man carrying her, walking in.

“Hey,” Aelin greeted with a smile, “field trip?” Rowan tapped his boots against the edge of the door as he walked in, knocking some of the snow off before stepping inside, heading right toward where she was leaning against the counter.

He greeted her with a quick kiss, and she leaned over to kiss Elia’s forehead too, who was babbling something that sounded like mama, and other words Aelin couldn’t quite identify. She was closer and closer to speaking more every day, and she couldn’t wait to hear what she said next. 

With her luck though, Elia would start spouting off statistics jargon, and she’d have to listen to that for months on end. 

Aelin thought her daughter would be clambering to be in her arms by now, but she seemed content with Rowan, which Aelin couldn’t be mad about. In fact, the sight brought a warmth to her chest, battling the cold that had seeped into the space.

“Yep,” he said with a smile, “Taking a break from the very hard business of learning colors. Right, Elli?” He shot her a sly look. “Managerial Accounting too, but that’s not nearly as important.” 

Aelin chuckled, smiling lightly as she propped her chin up on her hand. 

“Well, would you like to step behind the counter and take a break with me?” She waggled her brows. 

“How can I resist?” Rowan joked, slipping behind the counter and carefully setting Elia onto it. “So what are we working on?”

Aelin glanced around, at the lack of people. “Nothing really,” she said honestly, “Why don’t you make yourself a drink?” He raised a brow.

“What should I get?” He asked. “What would you make?” 

“I’m quite partial to the iced hazelnut latte with extra chocolate drizzle and two extra shots of espresso,” she said, grinning at his shocked expression. “But during this time of year I tend to go for the peppermint chocolate mocha with extra chocolate syrup and -”

“Two extra shots of espresso?” Rowan finished, his lips curling up on the side, and she nodded.

“Exactly.” Her smile just grew. “You need the caffeine, but you have to bury the taste of it in sugar.” 

“And what would you say if I told you I didn’t really like sugar?” Rowan asked, smirking a bit as he leaned against the counter. Aelin lifted a hand to her chest and mockingly gasped.

“I’m scandalized, I don’t think I can associate with someone who doesn’t like sugar.” She tried to hide her smile but failed as he immediately picked up a cup, exaggerating an expression of worry.

“Ignore me then,” he said, “I love sugar.” A moment passed, both of them smiling at each other like nothing in the world could get in their way. At least that’s how she felt. Until he twirled the cup in his hand, saying, “So how do I make the drink?”

Aelin furrowed her brows. “What drink?”

“ Your drink,” he answered, “your sugar filled monstrosity.” She chuckled, snatching the cup from him. 

“I’ll do it, it needs a sugar lover’s touch.” She adopted a superior tone. “In fact, Elia should help me instead. She’s my blood, she’s got my taste buds.” Rowan’s smile faltered, and Aelin examined what she said to try and think of what bothered him, but came up empty. 

She filed it away for later. 

“Here,” he said, fixing his expression as he grabbed another cup. “I’ll make the kind of coffee I like to drink, and you make yours, and then we’ll switch.” Aelin nodded once.

“Sounds like a plan. You’ll get to see that mine is far superior.” She winked and picked up Elia smoothly from the counter, turning to get to work on the drink. As she turned, she made contact with Emrys, who was smiling warmly at them. 

Aelin just smiled back. She didn’t think she could be this happy, but here she was.

------

Her text alert ruined that happiness less than ten minutes later. She was enjoying her coffee she’d made, her and Rowan having switched back immediately. The face he’d made when he took a sip would live in her head forever, she’d laughed so hard. But it wasn’t like she was much better, his coffee had been utterly disgusting, it was way too bitter and just not enjoyable at all. It wasn’t something you’d savor, it was something you’d drain as quickly as humanly possible.

But she’d been sitting down next to him at a table, practically everyone having abandoned the cafe already, when her phone buzzed, making her face fall.

The only person who ever texted her was sitting right there, which meant - 

“Arobynn?” Rowan asked, his face tense, and Aelin pursed her lips, looking away. But she didn’t deny it. “Can I see what he said?” He asked softly, and she sighed and nodded, not even looking at the message before sliding her phone over to him. 

She didn’t really want to know anyway. Even though there was a little bug inside her head making her itch to respond. A bug he’d planted.

Instead, she watched his face pinch as he read the message, as he scrolled through the rest of their chain of conversation. Arobynn had never been outright harsh with his words, but he rarely was, unless she did something truly heinous in his eyes. Like cry, or be nice to someone other than him, or do exactly what he said but with “attitude”. The list was endless depending on his mood, but in most situations, he was more subtle, until you ended up completely twisted around, unsure of what you’d agreed to or why you’d agreed to it. Or until he struck like a viper, and you were left completely defenseless, completely unprepared for the attack.

She’d experienced a mixture of both, but he’d been sticking to the former from a distance. Whether it was bringing up memories he knew would affect her, or using her own words against her, or just fucking messing with her mind in that way he’d always been able to. It was a little scary for Rowan to be reading all of that, but it was his true first look at what Arobynn was like, and Aelin wanted him to know, wanted someone else to experience it. If only so she didn’t feel like she was completely insane.

“Aelin-” he said quietly, and she was going to cut him off when Emrys did it for her.

“Why don’t you three head on home? You don’t want to get stuck here” He said, brows furrowed as he looked outside, where the snow was picking up. It was still driveable, and it would only get worse from here, and when she looked at Rowan, he looked like he was thinking the same thing. Her shift was practically over anyway.

“Okay, yeah.” Rowan gestured with his head to the door. “You want to head out?” Aelin nodded, grabbing her phone back and standing up, retrieving her purse and coat from behind the counter. She picked up Elia, who was playing with Fee-fu, and turned to Emrys.

“Make sure you get home safe too, alright?” She said, and he waved her off.

“Malakai is coming to pick me up,” he said, “don’t worry about me, lass.”

Aelin smiled and turned back to Rowan, who’d stood up, his car keys in his hand. 

“Alright, let’s go,” she said, and they headed out the door. 

The outside world was just as cold as it looked from the inside, and she hugged Elia closer to herself, tucking her under her coat. They hurried to Rowan’s car, and Aelin buckled her daughter into the car seat in the back before quickly darting to the passenger side, shutting the door behind her. 

“It’s freezing out there,” she chuckled, rubbing her arms to warm them up. She expected Rowan to react with a similar sentiment, but his face looked as icy as the snow falling around them. “What’s wrong?” She asked, her smile fading. He sighed as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the street, his eyes glued to the road.

“This weather is quite hideous, isn’t it darling? I hope nothing unfortunate happens,” he said, his voice tense, and her brows furrowed at the weird verbiage, before it clicked.

“Is that what he texted?” She asked, leaning back in the seat but turning her head toward him. Rowan didn’t look at her, focused on driving carefully.

“I’ve heard your stories, and I saw what happened the other day, but reading his words…” he shook his head, “I scanned through your text thread with him and it’s just despicable. The way he acts so polite one minute and then is ruthless the next.” Aelin sank into herself a bit.

“He’s quite talented at that,” she said bitterly, “always has been.”

“Why do you respond?” He asked, more softly, and she sank into herself more.

“Can we just talk about this later?” She didn’t want her bubble of happiness to burst yet. “When we’re not driving.” Rowan hesitated, but nodded.

“Of course,” he added kindly, “but there’s a lot we still need to address.” She sighed.

“I know, and we will . Just not right now.” She huddled into her jacket. He seemed to accept her words and they sat in silence the rest of the way to her apartment, soft music playing from the radio, though the storm made it a bit staticky.

By the time they arrived, Aelin was sure the coffee hadn’t done anything, because she was utterly exhausted. But she made herself perk up as they parked, moving quickly to get Elia into the warm apartment. She still had her class to log into too; marriage and family. It was fully virtual so the weather didn’t impact the attendance.

It was kind of convenient Rowan was there actually, he could babysit. Aelin didn’t need to turn her camera on for that class, but she still needed to learn the material. A fussy one year old didn’t help with that.

Once they got inside, Aelin turned on the TV to the weather channel, frowning at the giant blue cloud on the map that the guy was pointing to. The storm had gotten worse since the last time she checked it.

She sighed. “Do you mind watching Elia for a bit longer?” She asked Rowan. “I have my stupid class I have to log on for.” But she reconsidered as she patted Elia’s back, who was curled into her, looking very much like she wanted to sleep. “Actually, she probably needs to go down for a nap. I’ll be right back.”

She went to pass Rowan, heading to the hallway, but he stopped her gently, looking apologetic. “Hey, I’m sorry if I pushed you too much in the car. I just -”

“It’s fine,” she interrupted, trying to sound sincere. “Don’t worry your pretty little head about it,” she added teasingly, earning a genuine smile. And she kissed that smile softly, leaning up on her toes. It was a soft kiss, the perfect warmth after the outside air, and when they pulled back, she almost wished they didn’t, wished they could stay there forever.

But she just winked before passing by, hearing him chuckle behind her. And she realized she couldn’t stop her smile even if she wanted to. 

-----

“ So this moves us on to our next portion of the topics for this week, ” her professor spoke through the screen, the audio crackling through her old computer. “ Divorce, high-conflict separation, and domestic violence.” 

Aelin sighed internally, but was the picture of calm on the outside as she listened to him start to talk about what was expected this week in this new module. She knew this unit was coming, but she still didn’t want it to. She didn’t need the constant reminder of how messed up her marriage was; she knew perfectly well herself.

Tucking her sock covered feet up under herself on the couch, she scrunched into a tight ball, hugging her legs with her sweatshirt clad arms and resting her chin on her knees, as if she could hide from his words by making herself small.

“ About 50% of all marriages will end in divorce, according to a study done by the Akkadian Research Center,” her professor said. She knew she should be taking notes, but she didn’t really think she could. “1 in 3 women experience some sort of physical violence by a significant other, 1 in 7 women have been injured by a significant other, and 1 in 10 women have been raped by a significant other.” She squeezed her legs tighter. “I could go on, but I think the point is made, so I have a few questions to pose instead. How do you think these statistics impact the divorce rate? Do you think no fault divorce has had more of an impact? Or has it given women in those situations an easier route of getting out?” 

Aelin wanted to sink back into the couch, to bury herself in the cushions. 

“Hey, how’s your class going?” Rowan said, entering the living room, rubbing his eyes. He’d apparently been at the library until 4 am the night before, studying for an exam he had coming up, and had been nearly falling asleep from the moment he sat down on her old but albeit comfy couch. So she’d all but ordered him to go take a nap in her room, leaving her the only one awake. 

“It’s fine,” she said, her voice small. 

“There are a lot of different ways that a domestic violence situation can escalate,” the audio continued, and her eyes flicked away from the screen. “ And most of the signs aren’t evident at first unless you’re looking for them.”

“Ah,” Rowan said, taking a moment before seemingly deciding something. “Do you want me to make you some tea?” She looked over at him, raising her brows.

“Tea?” She asked. “I don’t own tea.”

“Yes you do,” he corrected, padding toward the kitchen. “I bought you some two days ago.” He opened a cabinet, whipping out a cardboard box of tea bags. “It’s lemon strawberry. Perfect for this weather.” He gestured to the window, to the heavy snow falling down. Aelin didn’t think he’d be leaving anytime soon.

“Since when are you a tea drinker?” She asked, turning to rest her chin on the back of the couch and watch him in favor of listening to her class. In fact, she used her foot to turn down the volume, her sock almost slipping against the keyboard. 

“Since freshman year,” he answered, pulling out a mug and filling it with water before setting it in the microwave. “When I discovered all the benefits of it.” She arched a brow, smiling slightly. For some reason, the idea of Rowan, a piece of wonderful masculine architecture, drinking a mug of steaming tea was filling her with delight.

“And what are the benefits?” She asked, tilting her head. He smirked at her flirtatious tone.

“Well,” he said, grabbing the boiled water from out of the microwave. “It helps me concentrate when I’m working on homework until 3 in the morning.” He dunked the tea bag in the mug. “It helps me unwind when I’m tense in the evenings.” He prowled over to her, leaning down to brace his elbows against the back of the couch. “It’s also good for my heart,” he said softly, inches away from her face.

She let out a breathy, “oh?”

“Mmhm,” he said, eyes flicking down to her lips and back up. “Keeps me nice and strong. I can really get my blood pumping.”

“And work up a sweat?” Aelin asked coyly, heat pounding through her. He nodded, inching even closer. Her breath caught, her lips parting while her heart beat out of her chest, and they were about to kiss when a cry came from down the hallway.

She sighed, squeezing her eyes shut and pulling back. She uncoiled herself and stood up, pushing hair behind her hair and leaning over to turn the volume back up.

“Would you mind listening to my class while I go deal with Elia?” She asked Rowan. “As much as I don’t want to pay attention, what he’s lecturing about is going to be on my exam.” He nodded, walking around to smoothly sit on the couch. “Thanks.”

She rubbed her eyes as she headed back toward Elia’s room, the little girl’s cries piercing the apartment.

“What’s wrong, baby?” Aelin asked as she lifted her daughter out of the crib. She walked around a bit, patting her on the back. But the cries didn’t stop and she sighed. “Are you hungry? Is that the issue?”

She carried her out to the kitchen, rocking her and trying to soothe her as she looked in the fridge for something for her to eat. And then the pantry, and then the cupboards. There were some snacks but not nearly anything substantial enough for a full meal.

“What’s wrong?” Rowan asked from the couch.

“I can’t find any food,” Aelin answered, flustered as Elia kept crying. “I was supposed to go to the store two days ago but I couldn’t and I forgot about it until now.” 

He looked concerned. “I should’ve brought you guys some more food.”

She waved him off, a resigned sigh escaping her mouth. “It’s fine, I can just breastfeed for now.” And feel twice as drained afterward but it was fine. Elia came first. 

Rowan still was hesitating, like he was going to offer to go out into the snow and scavenge for them, but she just ignored him, setting Elia on the counter to take off her sweatshirt, leaving her in just her bra. Not how she imagined Rowan seeing her topless for the first time, but when you have a kid things never work out the way you expect them to.

Aelin walked over and sat at the kitchen table, facing away from Rowan as she unclipped her bra too. Elia immediately latched on, proving how hungry she was. 

It barely took any time at all, and then she was cleaning herself up, sliding her sweatshirt back on and taking a snoozing Elia back to her room. It took more effort than probably normal to get the girl into her crib, and to stand back up, wiping clammy sweat from her forehead. 

But Aelin didn’t hesitate, padding back out to take her spot in front of her computer, and finally taking the tea from Rowan, who was looking at her with a familiar expression of concern. 

“What did I miss?” She asked, taking a sip of the hot beverage. It was warm inside her apartment, but it was a nice aesthetic with the snow outside. 

“Not much,” Rowan answered, gesturing to the screen, which was quiet. “Your teacher just told you all to start work on the video and discussion post for this week.” Aelin nodded.

“Okay, thank you,” she said quietly, taking another sip of the tea. She tucked her feet back up under herself, grabbing the remote to flip on the weather channel again. Her body was tense for some reason, a weird form of adrenaline racing through her veins, or maybe it was the clamminess, feeling all too close to passing out.

“Aelin, are you oka-”

“Gods, I’m fine,” she snapped, “can you just stop asking me?” She slammed her tea down, pushing herself to a stand and storming somewhere . 

“Oh, excuse me for trying to make sure nothing’s wrong,” Rowan snapped back, “I’ll just shut up next time.” 

“That’s all I’m asking,” she said, turning back to him angrily. “I don’t need you to coddle me.” Rage was flowing unbidden through her, mixed with an unbearable amount of sadness. This was their first fight. But it always started out that way; with just one.

“Would you like me to just pretend then? Like you seem to be doing?” Rowan said, his face angrily tense, and Aelin rose to the challenge, straightening at his words.

“Fuck you,” she spit, “I never asked you to interfere.” She gestured out to the door. “If you don’t like it, then feel free to leave at any time.” Rowan’s brows shot up, hesitation crossing his features, but she wasn’t done. “You have no right to come into my life and judge all my fucking choices.” Her voice was thick.

“I’m not tryi-” he started to say, but she shook her head, interrupting him.

“I’ve dealt with that already,” she managed to say, “I’m not about to do it again.” She scrubbed at her face.

“I know y-” he started to say, when the entire apartment went dark.

The TV flipped off, the lights shutting off as the whirring of all the electronics faded away. The power was out.

“Fuck,” she breathed, bracing herself against the kitchen table. “I don’t have a generator.”

“It’s going to get really cold in here,” Rowan said, standing up. “We need to make sure we all stay warm.” It was sound advice, but Aelin was still full of adrenaline from their argument.

“I know,” she snapped, “you don’t need to lecture me.” He stayed silent at that, and she padded away into Elia’s room, going to sit in there instead, watching her as she slept and wishing she could be that peaceful.

--------

About a half an hour in and Aelin was starting to get worried. The heat hadn’t kicked back on, and the apartment was starting to get cold. Just like Rowan had said.

She paced back and forth in Elia’s room, holding her tight to her chest. She’d bundled them both up in all of their warmest clothes, but the little girl was starting to shiver. And the sight was making Aelin’s heart hurt.

Rowan had gone around the apartment, turning all the taps on a little bit, to keep the pipes from freezing according to him. That was the only exchange between them since the power went out. 

Her landlord hadn’t alerted her at all to when the power might be back on, but she had a feeling it wasn’t going to be anytime soon. So she needed to move past her pride and ask Rowan for help, because she didn’t know how to react in this situation. She’d never lived anywhere this cold, and nothing like this had happened the year before.

Her family was technically from Terrassen, which was even colder than Doranelle, which generally had more mild winters, but Aelin had moved to Rifthold when she was about five, so she didn’t remember what that much snow was like. They’d also been rich as hell, so they never had to worry about the power being out.

Aelin was about to go back out to the living room, when Rowan softly knocked on the door, poking his head inside.

“Hey,” he said gently, “I don’t think the storm is supposed to be stopping anytime soon, I think we need to prepare for the power being out for a while.”

Elia shivered again, and Aelin felt frantic tears prick her eyes. “I don’t know what to do,” she said tightly, “she’s already too cold.” Rowan seemed to accept her words as an offer of a cease fire, to accept the situation as a cease fire, and he nodded.

“We need to pick a room to insulate as well as we can,” he instructed, and she nodded. “Your bedroom probably works the best, because it’s the farthest back in the apartment, not as much cold can get in.”

“Okay,” she said faintly, “Should I get all the blankets I have?” Rowan nodded.

“And towels too,” he added, “we need to shove them into the cracks in the door, into anywhere where air can get in.” Aelin nodded and grabbed the few blankets she had scattered around Elia’s room: one on her chair, one on the floor, another in the closet.

Rowan headed out the door to the bathroom, grabbing towels from under the sink. He also went to the living room and grabbed the blankets she had laying on the couch before heading into her bedroom. Aelin followed.

He shut the door behind her, immediately crouching down to shove a blanket into the crack beneath the door, and then the cracks around the side, insulating it as best he could. There was only a tiny window in her room, and Rowan closed the curtains, before looking at her.

“Do you have any packing tape?” He asked her and she nodded, moving to go grab it from one of her drawers. She handed it to him, and he used it to tape the curtains together and to the wall, trying to block it the best he could. 

When he was done, he sighed, gesturing to the bed. “We should get under the covers too, it’ll help. Elia especially.” Aelin nodded and pulled back the covers, sliding underneath just as Rowan joined on the other side. 

Her very bones felt like they were freezing, her skin icy to the touch, and she craved the heat coming from Rowan, subconsciously rolling closer. He didn’t seem to mind, in fact, he hesitantly draped his arm over her waist, pulling her and Elia closer. 

She cuddled into him, Elia resting in her arms in between them, with the comforter cocooning them all together. He was looking at her, his eyes soft, and she smiled lightly, trying to show she wasn’t mad anymore. Because she wasn’t, and she shouldn’t’ve been in the first place. He was just trying to help, like always.

Like he was now.

“It doesn’t snow in Adarlan,” she said quietly, a small breath of a sentence. 

“No?” He asked just as quietly, and she shook her head, crinkling the starchy sheets.

“It’s hot there,” she continued, “especially in Rifthold.” Rowan’s arm was warm around her, even through his thick coat, and she reveled in the touch as she gently stroked Elia’s hair. 

“Did you like that better?” He asked, his voice a small puff of air.

“No, I don’t think so,” she said honestly, “it was almost suffocating, especially whenever I went into the city. There’s more space to breathe here. More air to breathe.” She hoped she was making sense. “Which is why I used to love the beach. Even if it was hot, it was so open.”

“Used to?” Rowan pried gently, and she lowered her gaze from his.

“That’s where my honeymoon was,” she explained. He lifted his arm to softly tuck a piece of hair behind her ear.

“Maybe I’ll take you two to the beach in the summer,” he proposed, “make a new memory. How does that sound?” Aelin met his eyes again, smiling tightly.

“That sounds nice,” she said simply, “I’d like that.”

“Yeah?” He asked quietly, his voice a little vulnerable, and she nodded.

“Yeah.”

Silence fell in the room, only punctured by Elia’s soft snores. And they were just looking at each other, but she didn’t feel judged or stared at, she felt comforted, like the very weight of his gaze was a soothing balm on her soul.

Which is maybe why she said what she said next.

“I don’t know why I respond to his texts,” she admitted, bringing up the conversation from earlier. “Well, I do, I suppose. That used to be one of the most common things he’d get mad at me for, when I didn’t respond to his texts soon enough.” Rowan’s expression was open. “It’s almost a compulsion now, a nagging in my gut that tells me if I don’t respond then something bad is going to happen. And yet, I’m afraid something bad is going to happen, because I’m afraid the moment I don’t respond, he won’t just text me, he’ll do something worse.”

Rowan sighed, his thumb stroking softly over her back. “Lorcan’s pre-law,” he said, and she furrowed her brows. “He’s doing an internship with a family lawyer right now for his resume.” Understanding washed through her. “They may be able to help you get a restraining order, pro bono.”

“He’s pretty powerful, Rowan,” she said, trying to make him understand. “I don’t think that’s going to hold up in court.” A heaviness settled in her bones, making her drowsy.

“It’s worth a try, right?” He asked. She hesitated, but he looked so hopeful that she nodded.

“It’s worth a try.” He looked so relieved by her answer she couldn’t be upset for the lie it was.

“I’ll reach out to him tomorrow,” he said, “now get some sleep, there’s nothing to worry about now.”

She barely even had time to agree with him before she was out.

-------

The power turned back on sometime overnight, but Aelin didn’t wake up for it, waiting until there was a clanging in the kitchen, and an exaggerated “oh no”!

She sat up, rubbing her eyes, finding her bedroom back to normal, no blankets everywhere, no curtains taped to the wall, no heavy coat on her body, and no Elia. She furrowed her brows, pushing herself to a stand and wandering out to the kitchen. 

She smiled at the sight she found. Elia was sitting in her high chair by the kitchen counter, giggling as Rowan knelt to clean up her spilled bowl of applesauce.

“Now, why would you do that?” He teased the little girl. “This is perfectly good food.” Elia just laughed more as Rowan got more out from the fridge, pouring a little more for her to actually eat. “See?” He took out a spoon, scooping some for himself. “Mmm, delicious.” 

He smiled as Elia clapped her hands, clearly delighted at Rowan eating the same food as her. 

“What’s going on here?” Aelin said with a smile as she walked into the room. “Where’s my breakfast?” Rowan tilted his head toward the stove.

“Cooking right there,” he said lightly, and she turned to see bacon cooking on the stovetop. Bacon she certainly didn’t have yesterday. She raised a brow and he shrugged. “I ran out to the store this morning.” 

She chuckled incredulously, and pressed a kiss to his lips before taking post by the stove. As she waited for the bacon, she glanced outside, seeing soft sunlight stream in the morning light. Snow coated the ground, but it wasn’t anywhere as torrential as it’d been yesterday.

“I actually have to head out,” he said, his face dripping with regret.

“Oh,” she said, surprised.

“I have class in a few hours, but Maeve wants to meet with me before then, and I better stop by my own apartment first to shower and change.” He looked down at his clothes, the same ones from yesterday, and she couldn’t help but agree. Maeve was the type to call you out on anything like that.

“Okay,” she said, smiling tightly, “no worries. Talk to you later?”

“Of course,” Rowan said, pressing a quick kiss to her lips before heading to the front door, sending a wave to both of them before disappearing. 

Aelin sighed, turning back to take the bacon off of the stove. When it was on a plate, the burner turned off, she went over to Elia, spooning some apple sauce and coaxing her to eat some.

But Elia wasn’t having it. She looked like she was pouting, a frown on her little face. Aelin knew the feeling.

“I know you miss him already, I do too,” she said, “but you’ve got to eat. We’ll see him soon, I promise .” Aelin didn’t think Elia comprehended any of that, but she begrudgingly ate some of the applesauce, and Aelin considered that a success.

After a few more spoonfuls, she went to go grab a piece of bacon, taking a bite of it. 

“So what do you want to do today, Elli?” She asked her daughter. “I don’t have work until this evening, and I don’t have class.” Elia just blinked, and Aelin ate another piece of bacon.

She never made good breakfast for herself, but ever since she’d started dating Rowan, he’d been making it for her. Wait, were they dating? She assumed so, but she hadn’t asked. 

Now it was going to eat at her mind until she figured it out.

As if by fate, her phone rang, and she answered it when she saw it was Rowan, not letting him speak before blurting out,

“Are you my boyfriend?” She cringed at the abruptness, but he just laughed.

“ If you’ll have me, I’d love to be ,” he answered, and she smiled, a breath of relief escaping her.

“Good, sorry for the interruption.” 

“ Don’t worry about it,” Rowan continued, “ but actually, I think you need to come over.” 

“To your apartment?” She asked. She’d never been there, surprisingly. It was just always easier for him to come over here, and a lot of the times Lorcan was there, as they were roommates, and no one was ever here besides her. 

“ Yeah,” he said, and his tone started to worry her, “ There’s something you need to see.”

Chapter Text

Rowan was waiting outside his apartment door by the time she walked over there, his face looking grave. Elia was tucked in her arm, but immediately fussed until Aelin had to pass her over to him. He took her gently, painting on a smile to greet her before looking back up at Aelin, his expression reverting back to seriousness.

“What happened?” She asked, glancing past him at the dark green front door. Worry was gnawing at her gut. “What do I need to see?”

He just sighed, squeezing his eyes shut before opening them again. “Just come inside.” 

Aelin followed him, albeit with a bit of trepidation, but she had no choice really. He was taking Elia in, and she’d follow her anywhere. Not that she didn’t trust Rowan; it was just instinct. 

It was an older apartment, and the wood floor creaked as she crossed the threshold. But she didn’t notice that, not as her eyes traced over the rest of the space, widening in utter horror.

It was completely trashed. All of it.

She was in the living room, and the couch cushions were ripped up and thrown all over the floor, the tv lay shattered across the carpet. Books were strewn off the shelves and the shelves themselves knocked over too. 

Rowan stayed there as she wandered into the kitchen, stepping carefully over shattered glass and ceramic. The cabinets were all wide open with plates and dishes haphazardly spilled all over the place. 

It would’ve been a nice place if not for the mess. 

“Where’s Lorcan?” Aelin asked tightly, speaking the only words she thought she could say. 

“Out on the balcony, calling the police,” Rowan answered, gesturing with his head. She followed the movement with her eyes and sure enough, there was the tall man, speaking angrily to someone on the other end of the phone. 

“So someone broke in?” She asked, a lump forming in her throat as she tried to avoid the truth. “A thief maybe?”

She cautiously looked over at Rowan, her boyfriend, her brain added unhelpfully, seeing the truth in his eyes. No, it wasn’t a thief. 

“Lorcan’s room isn’t touched,” he said, “but go look in mine.” Aelin followed his gesture to the door on the left side of the hallway, each footstep measured as she walked toward it. The door was half open, a chunk of the wood missing, so it was easy to push open as she stepped inside.

And her blood ran cold. 

Her breaths were short as her eyes traced the room again. The dark green comforter was torn and tossed off the bed, the contents of his dresser sprawled all over the rug, his desk was upturned and in shambles. And on his nice grey-blue painted walls, were the words-

STAY AWAY OR YOU’LL END UP LIKE THIS

Below it was a crudely drawn image of a decapitated body, with blood spilling out of it and exes over the eyes. It was the lack of skill of a child mixed with the gruesomeness of someone far from innocent, and despite her thick layers of clothing, she trembled. 

It was all made worse by the fact that the medium looked like actual blood, the dripping red substance thicker and darker than paint. 

“That fucking asshole,” she breathed, unable to tear her eyes away. Rowan let out a humorless laugh.

“That’s one word for it,” he said drily, and Aelin didn’t dare turn to look at him, to see his reaction to what she’d brought down on him.

“Rowan!” Lorcan suddenly called out, giving her a reprieve, and she turned just as Rowan leaned against the doorframe to look out into the hallway, Elia perched in his arms. 

“The police are on their way,” Lorcan added, and then a pause before, “When did she get here?”

Aelin walked over then, maneuvering around the destroyed bedroom to peek around Rowan and wave a small greeting at the tall man. “ We just got here,” she said, and he nodded at her, his face grave.

“Did you tell them the situation?” Rowan asked, and Lorcan shrugged. 

“I told them there was a break in but it’s hard to explain the situation when I don’t know it myself,” he said, narrowing his eyes slightly and glancing behind her to Rowan’s room. Then his gaze returned to her. “So what is the situation?”

Aelin pursed her lips as she contemplated what to share. She didn’t really want to talk about it, but she was already putting Rowan in danger, she didn’t want Lorcan to be going into this blind. 

And when Rowan glanced back at her, gleaning off of her what to say, she nodded. They both looked at Lorcan, and she steeled herself for the vile words.

“Have you ever heard of Arobynn Hamel?”

————-

“So you’re telling me,” Lorcan started to clarify, a few minutes later, his hand waving about and his eyebrows pinched together. “That this bastard preyed on you from the moment you became an adult, trapped you into a marriage, got you pregnant , and is now vindictively hunting you down because you left him?”

Aelin’s clenched jaw wavered but she nodded tightly, grateful for Rowan’s comforting hand around her waist, resting soothingly against her scars. They hadn’t gotten a chance to talk yet, but it didn’t seem like he hated her for what she was bringing upon him.

A charged silence fell over them, until -

“I bet he has a small dick,” Lorcan said, and she couldn’t help the laugh that escaped her. Her hand clapped over her mouth, but small giggles still came out until she was laughing again. It was infectious apparently, because Rowan smiled warmly, chuckling a bit himself. Even Lorcan cracked a smile. 

But when Elia, still in Rowan’s arms, let out her own precious giggle, Aelin broke even more. It was a cathartic release, the laughter half from amusement and half from exhaustion, but it felt good to smile.

She was opening her mouth to respond when someone knocked on the front door. 

Lorcan looked over, and started heading that way to let the cops in, but turned back to her as he walked, smirking.

“So?” He asked, and she grinned fiendishly.

“Practically minuscule.”

Lorcan chuckled and shook his head as he turned to the door, leaving her and Rowan in their own little bubble in the hallway. His thumb was rubbing up and down her waist softly, almost like an unconscious movement, his other arm still holding Elia, but she was still hesitant as she turned to look up at him. And found him already looking back.

“What are you thinking?” Rowan asked her quietly, “I can see the gears whirring in your head.”

She sighed, the sound crackling between them, and her hand came up to caress Elia’s face.

“I want to know what you’re thinking,” She said just as quietly, emotion flickering in his beautiful green eyes. Faint sounds of Lorcan talking to the cops trickled back to them, muffled by all the wreckage in the way, but she just kept her eyes on him.

His lips quirked up in a half smile.

“You want to know what I think?” He repeated, and she nodded. “Well,” he said, his voice quiet but jokingly serious. “I’m no art critic, but I think that was a shitty drawing.” Her eyes flew up, but she relaxed when his face fell into a heart stopping grin. And when he leaned down and stole a quick but deep kiss, she melted into it, her hand sliding around his neck to stop him from pulling back. 

He settled into it and it became a slow slide of their lips, fire burning deep in her gut. Maybe they shouldn’t be making out in front of her daughter, and in front of the police no less, but she couldn’t help it. Her boyfriend was sexy as fuck, and there wasn’t much she could do to resist him. Not that she even really wanted to. Every kiss of his burned away memories of another pair of lips, and she was satisfied with the ones that would replace them.

When they finally pulled back, she was panting, her forehead locked against his. And he whispered precious words into the space between them.

“You’re never getting rid of me, Aelin Galathynius,” he said, “no matter how hard you try.” A comforting warmth settled inside of her. “I said to whatever end, and I meant it.”

Her hand came up to cup his cheek, feeling a bit of stubble under her palm. Without saying anything, because she didn’t need to, she lifted on her toes and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead. His hand slid to her back, his fingers warm even through her thick coat.

“Lovebirds!” Lorcan shouted, and they both lifted their heads to sheepishly look over at the living room, where the police were now looking around and taking photographs. “One of them wants to ask you two some questions,” he added, gesturing over with his head, and her hand came down to link with Rowan’s as they walked over. 

And despite the situation, she couldn’t keep the smile off her face.

————-

“Make sure to keep your feet planted, nice and firm,” Rowan instructed, “and stabilize yourself too, it’s important to stay balanced.” Aelin followed suit, shifting a little bit to widen her stance, before sinking down a bit to keep herself grounded. 

He stepped a bit closer, aiming like he was going to attack. “Okay, so what are my weak points?” He asked, and she spouted off the answer.

“Neck, jawline, chin, and temple,” she said, lifting her arms in preparation. 

“And what are your strongest points?” Rowan added, and she took a deep breath.

“My best bet would be my elbows,” she answered and he nodded in confirmation, his green eyes steadying her. 

And when he reached out, feigning an attack, she used her elbow to mime driving it into his neck. Or she would’ve, if he hadn’t grabbed it with his other arm, using it to flip her around so he had her trapped in a headlock. But keeping his lessons in mind, she turned into his side as much as possible and brought up her hand to lay a blow against his stomach, making him keel over and giving her enough space to get free. 

She stood up quickly, her hands coming in front of her back to a fighting position, but she relaxed when Rowan stood up too, a smile on his face.

“That was great,” he praised, his voice a little breathy from the blow to the stomach, and she dragged a hand across her forehead, wiping away sweat. They’d been at it for about an hour or so, taking advantage of the University Gym’s odd hours. It was dark out, and well past when classes were over, but there were several students still here. College students didn’t operate on a normal schedule.

Emrys had taken Elia home after work earlier, to watch her while Aelin did some homework and then came to the gym with Rowan. They’d pick her up on the way back to Aelin’s apartment after this, as Rowan was going to stay with them until his own apartment was no longer a crime scene.

She’d slept next to him the night before, but she was eager to again tonight. Everything was easier with him by her side.

And with this exercise, she knew she’d sleep hard.

Rowan had been the one to suggest teaching her some self defense, and she’d readily agreed. Aelin wasn’t quite sure how much use it would be, in case anything happened, but she felt better knowing she wasn’t completely defenseless. It made her feel strong. 

Plus, it was more effective than just beating the shit out of a punching bag, however cathartic that was. 

He’d proposed the idea after Lorcan had helped her file a restraining order down at the court that afternoon. After hearing about everything, and seeing it with his own eyes, Lorcan had been receptive to Rowan’s suggestion of trying the injunction. Aelin still had that sinking feeling in her gut that it wouldn’t do anything, but the looks on both of their faces had given her a bit of hope, so she’d consented. It’d been a busy day. 

They were also still awaiting the results from the police about whose blood was on Rowan’s wall. The cop had said it wouldn’t take long, but he hadn’t given a real approximation, so it could be whenever. It was just one more thing adding onto her stress.

It didn’t help that her Stats final was coming up too. There was significantly less time between the midterm and final than there was between the beginning of the year and the midterm, despite that contradicting everything about how scheduling worked, but Maeve just worked that way. 

She’d done well on the midterm, but that didn’t mean the final was a shoe in too, which meant her overall grade in the class was still hanging in the balance. It was a bit pathetic that she was struggling so much in an Intro level class, but, who gave a fuck? If she passed, then she certainly wouldn’t.

Rowan had faith in her, and she did too, but she’d still just have to wait and see.

Yet another point of stress in her life was the fact that Yulemas was coming soon. It was still quite a few weeks away, it wasn’t even December yet, but it weighed on her mind. She couldn’t afford any presents, not that Elia really knew the difference, but Aelin didn’t want to go another year without celebrating. 

Of course, there was another day she had to get through before she could even think about that. She hated that her life was just a series of those, moments she had to get through, but maybe soon she’d find a way simply to live.

“Another round?” She asked Rowan, breathing heavily, and he shook his head. She frowned.

“We’ve been at this long enough,” he replied, “we can keep going another day, but we could both use some rest. It’s been a long day.” Aelin nearly protested, but another scan of his face made her stop. His brows were pinched, and his mouth squeezed tightly just enough to show the tension in him. 

He was tired too.

Guilt filled her and she relented, nodding her head. Rowan relaxed too, and his hand came around her waist to tug her gently into his side. She chuckled lightly, leaning into him as they walked back to their bags, passing everyone else running on the treadmills, or cycling, or lifting weights over on the other side. 

He turned and pressed a kiss to her temple, and she hid a soft smile, her cheeks flushing at the sweetness of the gesture. It seemed Arobynn was wrong about one thing: someone could know everything about her and still want to stay.

Maybe everything would work out, maybe everything would be okay. Rowan had said it would be, but Aelin was starting to believe it herself.

When they reached the bench, Rowan slung both their bags over his shoulder, saving her the trouble. And when they were out of the gym, about to head to his car, he stopped them, turning her so he could plant a deep kiss on her lips. She melted into it, her arms sliding over his shoulders.

It was a few minutes before they separated, both of their lips swollen and pink, from the kiss and from the cold. They were going to get frostbite if they stayed out there too much longer.

“You’re insatiable,” Aelin teased, and her boyfriend smirked down at her, his hands heavy on her hips. He leaned down and nipped at her ear before saying - 

“I can’t help it,” he answered, and she lifted a hand to smooth back some of the hair flopping over his forehead. “I’ve never seen you in workout clothes before.” A laugh escaped her, and he grinned like a devil as he leaned in to press hot kisses to her neck. “You ran away last time, but you can’t run now,” he joked, and she hummed in response, lifting her shoulder to trap him there.

Once she’d acknowledged that she’d left the gym that one time because she saw him there and panicked, he hadn’t stopped teasing her for it. She acted offended, but she would’ve done the same thing, so she couldn’t blame him too much.

But a little nugget of self-consciousness hit her at the reminder of what she was wearing, of what it showed. “You don’t think it’s too much?” She asked him, and he pulled back at the tone of her words, his expression open.

Aelin had taken Elia out thrift shopping the other day, before her midterm, and had gotten a pair of leggings and an athletic tank top to wear to the gym, instead of the cheap cotton stuff she’d been wearing before, and had been nervous about the cut of it. 

It showed her scars.

“I think you look gorgeous, and sexy, and fierce,” Rowan answered, “and if anyone even looks at you funny, then I’ll hold them down while you beat them up.” She laughed, but his voice turned softer in his next sentence. “But what really matters is if you feel comfortable.” Her laugh dried up and she couldn’t meet his eyes, staring at his chest instead. 

But he gently lifted her chin so she was forced to, seeing the genuineness in his face. “I think you’re perfect, scars or not,” he continued, “but if you don’t want anyone else to see them, then that’s up to you. I just want you to do whatever makes you feel safe.” He punctuated his words with a kiss to her forehead as she considered what he said. 

Eventually she nodded. “I feel comfortable,” she answered quietly before looking back up at him and smiling wryly. “Besides, if it gets this reaction from you, I can’t exactly let that slide by can I?”

“Mm, I certainly won’t complain,” he teased, leaning down. They were about to kiss again when her phone rang. The sound blared in the quiet night, and Rowan reached to dig it out of her bag.

“Is it Emrys?” Aelin asked, her brows furrowed. If there was something wrong with Elia…

But he shook his head as he read the number, before passing it to her. She took it from him, but she clenched her jaw as she saw the screen.

“It’s his number,” she admitted, her eyes glued to those ten digits. Or at least the number he was using now. It kept ringing, but neither of them did anything about it, just letting it go until the ringing stopped. Numbness spread through her veins, and she watched as a voicemail notification popped up.

When she managed to peel her eyes away, she saw Rowan watching her. “I don’t want to listen to it.” She didn’t want to hear his voice.

Rowan just gently unpeeled her hand from the device, taking it from her lightly. She blinked. “I’ll let you know what he said, alright?” He asked softly, and she nodded, gratitude replacing the numbness.

He let her type in her phone password before lifting it to his ear, letting the message play. His frown grew more and more prominent the longer he listened. 

Eventually, he lowered the phone, looking at her gravely. Aelin steeled herself for his words. “He received notice of your injunction already,” he said, his voice carefully even. But she could see the anger brewing under the surface.

“Was he angry?” She asked, her voice emotionless. Rowan sighed through his nose.

“Yes,” he answered, and she pursed her lips. “He didn’t yell or anything, it was almost like he was laughing, like he thought it was funny, but I - “ he squeezed his eyes shut, “you were right.” They flicked back open, locking onto hers again as he spoke again.

“He’s already dissolved it. It didn’t work.”

--------

“Remember what I told you,” Arobynn insisted as he directed her into the office building. Her parents’ old office building. The one that used to be hers too.

“I know,” she said softly, trying not to sound too combative. “I haven’t forgotten.” 

“Good,” he said firmly, his hand digging into her lower back as they stepped into the lobby. To a passerby it would look polite, formal even. Detached. Nothing to signify they had a relationship beyond coworkers. But to her, it was a warning. 

The bruise on her arm tingled, and she fiddled with the long sleeves of her shirt. It’d been about two months since the office party, and she’d had to cover up five bruises in that span. She didn’t know what that said about him, but she knew what it said about her. She was doing something wrong.

She’d dismissed the first time as too much stress. Of course he’d be stressed, he cared a lot about his business, and her business now, and the party had been right at the end of the quarter. She didn’t know much about business, but she knew that was important. 

The only time she’d ever considered doing anything business related was opening up her own bookstore; books were her safe space. But that was a pipe dream, something for another life. And it certainly wasn’t the type of business her husband was involved in, no, his was far more stressful. 

So he’d taken it out on her. He’d apologized, in a twisty sort of way, and she’d moved on from the incident. But then it happened again. And again. And again. And again and again and again. 

Aelin figured she must be the problem. After all, people didn’t just hit other people. There had to be a reason. 

And she didn’t want to add another bruise to her body, so she was determined to be on her best behavior today.

Apparently there were some formalities with the business merger , and even though she wasn’t a part of it anymore, she had to show her face and tout around that she approved of the plan, that she and Arobynn had worked together to “ensure the continued success of both of their companies, and look to innovate and grow together in the future.” Those were the exact words she was supposed to say; she’d practiced them the night before.

Aelin was just eager to get this over with so she didn’t have to be reminded of everything her parents had built. Everything they’d thrown away by drinking one too many glasses that night. Had they always been alcoholics? She didn’t really know. Were they even alcoholics?

But she knew her memories were gilded, one way or the other. Her parents hadn’t really ever been there for her; their company was their child, not her. Arobynn had helped her realize that, even if she had kind of already realized it herself. But he’d turned her sadness about it into anger, to the point where she didn’t even want to be a part of the company at all, didn’t want to have to acknowledge its existence. 

Another reason she wanted this to be done.

She mustered a smile as she passed a few employees in the lobby, being directed toward the glass elevators on the wall. They were all semi-familiar faces, like people from a dream or from a memory she couldn’t quite remember. Of course, her childhood felt like a whole other life, so maybe that’s why it was all so hazy.

As they stepped into one, she got a good look at her reflection, making her smile fall momentarily. Her dress was demure, and professional, picked out by him of course. But that wasn’t the issue. She supposed none of it was really an issue, but something about the makeup bothered her. 

He paid stylists to make her up everyday, and today, she looked - older. Almost how she’d do her makeup if she was trying to sneak into a club, but the more professional version. She certainly didn’t look eighteen, and she didn’t know if that was the goal or not.

She looked away as Arobynn’s hand slid around to her waist, holding her a little too tightly. It pinched against the lingering bruise on her side, and she had to hide her wince. 

He let go as soon as the doors opened.

--

Sooner than she could blink, she was being herded into a conference room, standing at the front of the room overlooking a whole table of people. People all much older than her, all more experienced, all staring at her with laser eyes as she continued reciting the speech Arobynn had written for her.

“I know you all worked for my parents, and respected them,” Aelin said, taking deep breaths. “And ever since their deaths, I’m sure you’ve been working just as hard as I have to continue their legacy.” She met Arobynn’s eye from where he was sitting at the table, and he nodded tightly, encouraging her to keep going. “Well, I believe this merger is something they would’ve not only approved of, but championed themselves.” 

Everyone was staring at her.

“Not only did they respect Mr. Hamel,” she continued, “but they worked with him already as well, and believed in him and his methods. And I believe that together, we will both ensure the continued success of both of our companies, and look to innovate and grow together in the future. Thank you.” 

There was scattered applause, but she couldn’t hear it, not as she was shuffled out again. She didn’t even comprehend where she was going, just being led like cattle being herded out in a field. Until - 

“Aelin!” A familiar voice exclaimed, trying to get her attention, and she turned to look, barely noticing Arobynn at her side. It was Darrow calling her name, she registered, her eyes landing on his face. 

She hadn’t talked to him in a while, despite him being one of the closest employees to her family. It was probably since… before her wedding at least. Before when she was supposed to meet with him to go over her finances; that meeting had never happened.

“Oh, hi,” she said lamely, feeling a bit embarrassed. She wasn’t sure why. Darrow’s brows were furrowed as he walked closer, but he slowed to a stop a few feet in front of them.

“It’s nice to see you taking a more active interest in the company,” he said, not unkindly, “I found some documents in your parents office that I think you might be interested in. If you have any time we can set up a meeting to discuss them.”

“Oh, um,” she repeated, “I don’t-”

“I’m afraid Miss Galathynius’ schedule is all booked up at the moment,” Arobynn smoothly cut in for her, and she let him, grateful for the help. “But maybe shoot her an email and you can work something out.” She didn’t have access to her old email account.

Darrow’s eyes were darting back and forth between the two of them, and she tried to straighten, lifting her chin a bit to look more confident.

“Yes, I’m quite busy right now but I’ll be in touch,” she said, reinforcing Arobynn’s point. “Have a nice day.” She started walking ahead, expecting him to follow, but he paused for another second, saying one last thing to the other man.

“The paperwork I sent you,” he said, “will it be processed soon? I’m not a very patient man.” Darrow’s eyes were narrowed, but he nodded.

“Yes,” he answered tensely, “I’ll handle it. Don’t worry.”

Arobynn smiled with a hint of sarcasm, and then they were on their way. And she could leave that damn building for the last time.

--------

Aelin yawned loudly, her limbs stretching against the sheets as the sun hit her eyes, making them open blearily. She hit a hard body next to her, and after a moment of confusion, she relaxed into it, cuddling into Rowan’s chest. She’d slept soundly, and peacefully, and she didn’t want to ever have to leave this bed.

But Rowan was already awake, scrolling through his phone with a bit of a frown marring his handsome face. His other hand was draped around her, holding her gently as he looked at whatever it was he was looking at.

A slow glance over revealed Elia still sleeping soundly in her crib, satisfied with the new arrangements. Rowan hadn’t questioned Aelin when she moved the crib into her room, and she appreciated it. With everything going on, it felt safer. Even if only for a few nights.

She turned back to Rowan, resting her chin on his chest. That drew his attention away from his phone, and he smiled softly at her, his hair perfectly tousled from sleep. She wanted to kiss him, so she did, reaching up to press a gentle one to his deliciously full lips.

“Good morning,” she said quietly.

“Good morning, love,” he said, brushing a piece of hair behind her ear. She turned to kiss his palm.

“What y’a looking at?” She asked, nodding to his phone, and he hesitated, but turned the screen for her to see. She scooted up to lay next to him, her head on his shoulder as she read the article he was looking at. “Hamel-King Real Estate, formally two separate entities: Hamel Real Estate and the Kingsflame Corporation,” she read, her voice faltering, “is on track to being the most profitable company in the entirety of Adarlan, if the quarterly predictions are correct…” her voice faded away, reading as little as she wanted to. It was about the company, that’s all she needed to know. 

She looked back up at Rowan. “Why are you reading about the company?” She asked, and he shifted his arm to cuddle her in closer again, kissing the top of her head.

“It popped up on trending news, so I decided to try and learn a little more about what your parents used to do,” he answered honestly. “What you could’ve done.”

“I never wanted to go into that business,” she said, knowing she’d already told him. But a pit sank in her stomach at the words.

“Well,” Rowan asked, “are you happy with how it’s turned out then? Not your responsibility anymore?” She pursed her lips.

“I didn’t say that.” She tried to sort through the thoughts in her head. “I don’t know, really. I didn’t want to be a part of it, but it’s still my family’s business. My parents' business.”

Her boyfriend gently caressed the small strip of skin where her tank top had ridden up. “Even with what happened with your parents?” He pried carefully, and she shrugged.

“I don’t really know what to think,” she said honestly, “I’ve never really sorted through that part of my past. I got a bit - distracted.” He made a hum of contemplation, and she knew he’d bring it back up at some point. Probably for the best, but she didn’t want to think about it now. “Can we go back to sleep for another few hours?” She joked. “I don’t want to go to class.”

Rowan snorted, but didn’t resist as she cuddled into him, wrapping a leg over his waist and burying her face into his neck. “I don’t think Maeve will be very happy about that,” he teased. Aelin just murmured a screw her into his skin, feeling the vibrations from his chuckle against her own skin. It was intoxicating.

She was about to fall back asleep when his phone rang. 

“Hello?” He asked as he answered it, letting the other person talk for a second before turning to her and mouthing it’s the police.  

“Put it on speaker,” she whispered, and he nodded, clicking on the screen until the cop’s voice blared through the room.

“ We have the results of the blood test,” he said, and she looked over at Rowan, her breath catching in her throat. 

“And?” Rowan asked, his brows furrowed. But his face fell into one of shock at the answer.

“ Do you know an Aelin Hamel?”

Chapter Text

Her bare feet padded against the authentic dark oak wood floor, making no sound as she moved. She had no destination in mind, no direction for her legs to take her. She felt like a ghost, wandering these dark halls like she was searching for something long gone.

She wasn’t searching for anything though, except maybe something to search for. One hand clutching her silk robe together, not feeling the heat of the summer that permeated through the walls and into the lavish mansion. Even at night, there was no escaping it. 

Her other hand was tucked in itself, one of her nails scratching against her palm. It was an unconscious tick now; it started as her finger repeatedly brushing the scar now adorning the middle of her palm, from the time that finally sent her to the emergency room under the guise of an accident, and over the days it’d resorted to scratching, as if she could take ownership of the pain being forced on her. She was in control of this pain.

It was never deep enough to draw blood, but it was uncomfortable, which was all she needed.

Aelin hadn’t been able to sleep, so instead of laying there, buried in thick blankets, she decided to get up. Arobynn wasn’t in bed yet, so he couldn’t get mad at her doing the same, right?

She scratched at her hand as she trailed down the hallway. Her face was empty, her eyes empty too when she looked in the mirror hung on the wall. Sometimes emptiness could look like innocence, but to her it just looked like heaviness. He’d finally accomplished what he wanted; she looked much older than nineteen.

She looked away, continuing her mindless trek. Her eyes glazed over even more as she passed each room: the game room that was never used, the exercise room that was never used, the library that she did use, and a million other rooms that were there for the look of it and not for the actual function. And this was only the second floor of this wing, and not even the second floor of the guest wing. That was everything all over again.

Her feet reached the top of the staircase, hovering along the edge of the first step. The stairs were marble, and she was always half afraid she’d slip and fall, rolling down until she landed on the ground floor with a dramatic flop. But she also knew she was much more likely to be pushed.

She took a step down, the marble cold on her bare skin, and then she took another step, and another, until she was down at the bottom, stepping onto the ground floor. Arobynn favored clean lines, and harsh steel, and dark furniture. Most everything was some shade of grey, and in the dim lights of the night, it looked almost black. She used to admire the artisticness and the excess of it all, but now it just felt stark and unwelcoming.

An icy cage.

She kept walking, moving through the grand foyer and down through the living room, passing like a wraith through a misty field. Walking always soothed her; it was better than just sitting there staring at nothing , wondering if there was anything left worth caring about. 

She scratched at her hand again.

Aelin passed the living room and the excessively large kitchen that was barely used, as his personal chef had a separate kitchen in a different wing, and trailed down the hallway toward the sitting room. Maybe she could lay on the couch in there, maybe she could curl up and try to get some sleep on this damned night. 

But as she walked, her steps as silent as a graveyard, she heard faint voices. They were coming from the office, and she recognized one of them as Arobynn of course, but the other took her a second to place. Tern maybe? His coworker. He came over for dinner every now and then, and she’d be kicked out of the room, left to eat her food in whatever hole of the house she found herself in. Or didn’t eat her food more like it. 

They’d been married for nine months, and she’d lost about twenty five pounds over that span. 

She felt hollow, like she was rotting from the inside out. Or maybe the outside in. She hadn’t left the house in months so it wasn’t like there was anyone to help her. No. She would just flit around this great, big, empty house until she became a part of it forever. Maybe she’d haunt it in a hundred years for the next unsuspecting girl who got pulled into something she didn’t understand.

Aelin unconsciously trailed toward the voices, hooking onto that tiny glimpse of curiosity in her. A low lamp guided the way, until she was hovering outside Arobynn’s office, peering through the cracked door. Tern looked upset, raging around like a caged animal, but her husband was sitting at his desk unruffled, a cool mask on his face. 

“The complaints are gaining momentum again,” Tern was saying, his voice rough like he was trying to make Arobynn understand. “There’s only so much ignoring we can do before it turns into something we can’t stop. It’s twice the number of employees now.” 

Arobynn leaned back in his chair, his hands crossed in the picture of casualty. “They’re simply adjusting to the new workload. It’s only natural there be some - discontent.” 

“Discontent? This is practically a full blown strike!” Tern argued, and Aelin’s face fell into an expression of shock. Both at the news and at the tone of voice. Arguing with him? That didn’t bode well for anyone.

“Interesting,” Arobynn said, and she recognized his dry tone as slipping into anger. 

“What is?” Tern asked, his voice reasonably hesitant. He paused his pacing to stand still in front of the desk, almost blocking her view. 

“That you think I don’t understand the workings of my own company,” he said, his eyes narrowing into a deadly glare. “That I don’t have complete control over the situation.” 

Tern started to bluster an apology, sensing the change in tension, and Aelin tried to strain to listen. To her detriment. Because as she scooted closer, exposing more of herself through the crack in the door, Arobynn’s eyes darted right toward it. 

She pulled back, hiding from the icy gray, but that was the extent of her self preservation. Instead of darting to some hidden corner of the home, Aelin found she couldn’t move. 

It was like her legs were frozen, melded into the floor almost. And she stayed put the entire rest of the time Tern was in the office, scratching her hand.

When Tern left, he passed her with little notice, like she actually was a piece of the house, and she sank into the wall, her eyes falling closed. 

They shot open when she heard familiar footsteps meandering deliberately toward the hallway. Her nail dug into her palm. 

“Aelin, Aelin, Aelin,” Arobynn’s voice chastised, and she stared straight ahead at the wall. “Eavesdropping is very unbecoming.” He took measured steps until he was blocking her view, but she stared at his shirt instead of looking up to meet his eyes. But his hand slid to her chin, gripping her jaw and shoving her face so she was forced to. And she was disgusted at herself for cowering, but really, what was she supposed to do?

She was stuck.

“Was this entertaining?” He asked, tilting his head. “Was sleep too boring for the spoiled little princess?“   But she couldn’t move her head to shake it, and she didn’t dare speak. “Nothing to say, hm?” 

She knew he didn’t even want her to say anything, she knew that would just egg him on more if she did. So she just stayed silent. 

“ Answer me, ” he spit, and she squeezed her eyes shut, her nail finally breaking the skin of her hand. His hand dug into her jaw and she knew she’d have little finger shaped bruises there the next day. “Do we need to go back to the cabin so you can learn a little discipline ?”

Her eyes shot open, her head immediately trying to shake in his grasp. Her heart sped up until it was practically beating out of her chest and panic overwhelmed her senses. The first time they’d been there had been fine, perfect even, but now - other memories had taken the place of that one and she knew she’d feel like dying if she ever set foot in there again.

“No?” He asked coyly. “You don’t think we need to?” He loosened his grip enough so she could shake her head properly, her whole body trembling. Aelin hated this, hated her reaction, hated herself. “Well then,” he added, pulling back a slight bit. His face twisted into a cruel smile, and she felt blood dripping down her skin. “Let’s just go on up to bed and get a good night’s sleep, hm?”

She forced herself to nod, defeat sinking in her gut. The blood hit the edge of her robe, soaking the silk, but she didn’t bother trying to stop it. There’d been blood on this robe before, and there certainly would be again. 

What did it matter that this time was by her own hand? What was the difference? It was all her fault anyways; she deserved the pain. 

Even though her world was slowly numbing enough to where she barely felt anything at all.

--------------

“What the fuck?” She let out, her eyes wide. 

Rowan said a few more words to the cop on the other end, but she couldn’t hear them, not beyond the confused and disgusted haze in her own mind. 

How the fuck did he have her blood? 

Aelin shuddered, twisting to the side to grab the glass of water on her nightstand. She gulped down a few sips, feeling the icy burn of it in her throat. She gasped for air when she finally drained it all, a heavy ringing filling her ears. 

She didn’t know why this was setting her off, but the idea of him having her blood , just the lack of knowledge of how much of her life he could control from a distance , let alone what he’d done and could do with her right under his thumb. Because she didn’t remember when he could’ve gotten it. And that scared her.

Slamming the glass back down on the dresser, she pushed herself to a wobbly stand, eyes frantically searching back and forth for something as she almost hysterically trotted to the kitchen in search of more of that cooling liquid. 

In the back of her mind she heard Rowan calling her name, his voice a balm to her racing mind, but it didn’t quite reach her as she stuck her head under the faucet and turned it on. She guzzled the water like she hadn’t had anything to drink in years, and she would’ve kept going if Rowan didn’t turn off the tap, handing her another cup of water taken from the fridge.

His brows were pinched together, but she ignored the expression, turning away from him to take one small sip from the glass. Her throat felt too tight, like she could barely take a breath.

“Before you ask, I don’t remember,” Aelin said, squeezing the glass with her hand. Rowan stayed silent, looking at her with an expression she didn’t want to analyze. “I have no fucking idea.” The cup clunked against the counter as she let it go. She braced herself against it, dropping her head between her arms.

“I knew my memories were hazy, but this hazy?” She emphasized, looking over at him. He looked halfway between wanting to walk over and comfort her, and wanting to stay back and give her space to sort it out. 

“It’s not unreasonable,” he murmured softly, and she furrowed her brows.

“For him to take my blood?” She asked incredulously, and he shook his head.

“For you to not remember,” he said carefully, like he was trying to broach a tough subject. Aelin braced herself for it. “It’s not uncommon for your brain to block memories out when you’ve suffered trauma. It’s something you could talk to someone about.”

She shook her head. “I don’t need therapy.” 

Silence fell over the room for a second, though she could practically hear the gears whirring in his head, could hear the gears in her own too.

“Was it from the car wreck?” She asked, mostly to herself as she looked back at the ground. “From when I was stabbed? From when I gouged out my own fucking hand?” She scrubbed at her face with her left hand, trying to force herself to think.

“You did what ?” Rowan asked, clearly concerned, but she just shook her head, dismissing it.

“I just don’t. under. stand.” She punctuated each word with a fist to her forehead, like she could knock some sense into herself. Rowan took a step forward, reaching for her but hesitating.

She wondered how she looked right now, raving and half mad with frustration.

“Aelin-” he started to say, but she cut him off, whipping her head to look at him.

“I remember every other fucking thing he ever did to me,” she spit angrily. She hoped he understood that anger wasn’t directed at him. “There’s not some sort of mental block; So why can’t I remember this?”

“You said yourself-” he swallowed, like he had to force the next words out with a grimace, “that he used to - drug you.” She blinked. “Could it have been then?” Aelin could see the utter disgust on his face, the anger and sadness flickering in his eyes while he spoke.

She just shook her head again. “There was never any mark, never any sign, I just - “ her hand unconsciously reached for the glass again. She shook as she lifted the cup to her lips, squeezing her eyes shut when she found nothing in there. Nothing to cool down her boiling blood.

“Aelin,” Rowan repeated, softer. But she was boiling over, her hand clenching the glass tightly. He took another step, and it was like it tripped something in her.

“It doesn’t make any fucking sense!” She yelled, not in control of her movements as she threw the glass nearly across the room, watching as it shattered across the kitchen floor. Her breaths came in pants as her eyes stayed glued to those shining pieces.

And then Elia started crying from the next room. 

Her head darted to the door, but Rowan was already on the case, walking gracefully back to her bedroom. A stab of guilt went through her. More than a stab, a wave so powerful that she sank to the floor, her head falling forward as she slumped to her knees.

Aelin soon dropped her head into her hands, dragging them down across her cheeks as she leaned back against the cabinets. She felt deflated, or like a marionette whose strings had been cut.

“Shh, shh,” Rowan said, the sound faintly bleeding through. “Everything’s okay, mama just got a little loud.” She could practically see him gently holding her, soothing her with his words and his touch, like he did for Aelin herself. “But she’s okay, and you’re okay,” he continued in that same soft voice. “We’re all okay.”

She stared forward at the cabinets on the other side of the kitchen, almost mindlessly, until Rowan came back out, Elia tucked into his chest. It was a sweet sight, but Rowan’s face dropped into an expression of alarm.

“What happened?” He asked, eyebrows scrunched together. “Where are you hurt?” 

He walked over quickly, one hand keeping Elia close while the other went to her cheek as he bent down in front of her, making sure to steer clear of any glass.

“What do you mean?” Aelin asked, her voice a little raspy. He pulled his hand back, and her eyes grew wide when she saw the blood on it.  “Are you okay?” She asked, reaching for him. Did he cut himself on the glass?

But Rowan caught her hand gently, unfurling her fingers so her palm was showing. She blanched.

The skin was mangled, blood leaking out of a cut right in the middle. She could see fingernail marks, the half moons dotting around the soft skin of her palm, circling the one gaping hole in the middle. 

“Mama?” Elia said, her voice lilting up with her face half buried in Rowan’s chest.

“I’m fine, baby,” Aelin answered, managing to tear her eyes away from the wound to look at her daughter. She met matching turquoise eyes and tried to smile, reassuring, like it was her job as a mom to, that nothing was wrong, that everything in the world was safe and lovely and full of sunshine. Sometimes Elia was too empathetic for her own good.

The little girl just mumbled and leaned more into Rowan, her eyes already falling shut. She was asleep seconds after that.

Aelin stretched out her hand, wincing slightly at the sting, before looking up and meeting beautiful green eyes.

His lip quirked up on the side. “Are you sure you don’t need therapy?” He asked, poking fun at her. A wet laugh escaped her, and she dropped her head into her other hand, sighing. 

She was about to open her mouth and respond, when Rowan’s phone rang again. He stood up carefully, grappling for it on the counter and frowning when he saw the number.

“It’s the police again,” he said, answering the unspoken question, and without saying anything else, he answered it, putting it on speaker.

“ Mr. Whitethorn?” The same cop from earlier said, and if Aelin had to guess, she’d say he sounded almost nervous.

“Yes?” Rowan answered, his voice serious.

“ There’s been a development.”

“Oh?” He said, his face turning grave. Aelin’s hand clenched into an anxious fist again, but Rowan noticed and frowned at her, setting the phone down on the floor. With his now free hand, he grabbed hers, keeping it open and caressing the skin with his thumb.

“ It must’ve been a computer glitch or something, or a glitch with the system but - “

“What are you saying?” Rowan interrupted.

“ The blood isn’t Aelin Hamel’s,” the cop said, and they both froze. Aelin’s breath got caught in her throat. “ It isn’t even human at all. It’s pig blood. The test results changed.” 

She slumped back against the cabinets, her mouth seemingly stuck open in disbelief.

The cop kept talking, and the conversation changed to Rowan’s apartment and when it would cease to be a crime scene, also asking him to come into the station to answer some questions related to the case.

But Aelin stopped listening.

Another mind game. She should’ve known. But she couldn’t help the rush of relief that it wasn’t real. 

She let her eyes fall shut, trying to breathe deeply. She just needed a moment to relax…

“Hey,” Rowan’s voice said to her softly, and she hummed, blearily opening her eyes. She must’ve fallen asleep, because Elia was gone and he was crouching down next to her instead of in front. “Let’s clean up your hand, and then do you want to go back to bed for a bit? You still have some time before class.”

He was coddling her, and she normally would hate that, but sometimes - well sometimes it was nice to be taken care of. 

So she nodded, letting him help her up and get to the bathroom. Elia was back in her crib, curled up and fast asleep yet again. Aelin was glad she was peaceful.

Rowan directed her to sit on the counter, and she did, hopping up and letting him gently grab her hand again. Using the meager supplies she had in the cabinet, he cleaned the wound out a bit, wiping away the blood from her hand and her face. Emotion bubbled up in her at how soft he was being, especially when he wrapped her hand lightly, making sure it was tight enough before pressing a kiss to it.

She almost blurted out the words she’d been holding deep inside her, words that shouldn’t make sense since they really hadn’t known each other that long. But she kept them in, just leaning forward to rest her forehead against his instead. She breathed him in, that pine scent that wrapped around her and reminded her of home. Because he was her home.

“I know I’ve already said this,” Rowan said, his voice almost a whisper. “But I need you to take care of yourself too. Please.” He sighed, the sound crackling between them. “I don’t know what I’d do without you. Either of you.”

Both of her hands went to his cheeks, cupping his face as she whispered back. “You’ll never have to find out.”

------

That evening at work was a painful one, Aelin doing her best not to aggravate her hand, though as a barista, that was a bit difficult. Emrys had been concerned, but she just waved it away as an accident, dying a bit inside every time she said that.

It was always an accident.

By the time her shift came to an end, she was exhausted, despite having slept well the night before. Too much emotional turmoil in one day.

“See you tomorrow, Emrys,” she waved at the man, grabbing her bag as she ducked out from behind the counter.

“Bye, lass,” he called back from the office, peeking around the doorframe with a smile. “Have a goodnight.”

“You too,” she replied, smiling warmly before heading to the front door. Rowan had texted her that he was parked outside. He was taking her and Elia to dinner tonight, and paying for it, not accepting any protest from her.

Her smile stayed on her face even as she walked those few paces through the blistering cold, sliding into his passenger seat and pressing a quick kiss to his lips.

“Hi,” she said quietly, through her smile.

“Hi as well,” he teased, nipping at her bottom lip and making her chuckle lightly before turning back to the steering wheel. Aelin took off her coat as he took the car out of park, turning back to look at Elia.

“Mama!” She greeted, flailing her legs in the car seat. Aelin could see it even if the seat was facing the other direction, especially as Elia strained to turn around. But the restraints wouldn’t let her move that much, reassuring Aelin how safe it was. Rowan had really done his research.

“Hi, baby,” she said warmly, leaning back over the seat to give her a quick kiss on the cheek. 

Pulling back to sit normally, Aelin’s thumb rubbed back and forth over the bandage as she hummed lightly to the music on the radio. 

“So where are we going?” She asked Rowan, turning her head to glance at him. Both his hands were on the steering wheel, his eyes glued to the road. It made her heart warm to see him taking their safety so seriously, especially in these icy months. 

Some people would probably wonder why she was so fine with riding in cars after the wreck, but Aelin found that after a few months passed, she didn’t have any reaction if she trusted the person driving. If she trusted that they weren’t careless, or reckless, or out of control.

And Rowan was none of those things.

“That - is a surprise,” he said coyly, raising a brow.

“Oh is it?” She asked, leaning closer to him in the seat. 

“Yep,” he said, eyes on the road. “Nothing you can say will convince me to tell you.” A faint flicker of a smile.

“Really?” Aelin said, dragging her hand lightly over the sleeve of his shirt, toying with the hem. “What about something I can do?”

She saw his Adam's apple bob with his gulp, and a flicker of triumph went through her when he darted a glance over to her, finally swayed away from his ceaseless vigil of staring out the window.

But his eyes returned quickly, and a smirk appeared on his handsome face. “Nope, absolutely nothing.” She scowled, pinching his arm, and his smirk dissolved into a grin, knowing he’d gotten her. “Just be patient,” he added, grabbing her hand and pressing a quick kiss to it.

Aelin relented with a huff, falling back into her seat.

The rest of the ride passed in comfortable silence, the only sounds Elia’s mindless babbling as she played with Fee-fu, and the radio playing its light, lilting tunes.

But as soon as they pulled up to the restaurant Rowan had picked, Aelin knew what he was doing. 

An incredulous laugh escaped her as they parked, and Rowan shrugged sheepishly when she glanced over.

“I promise I’ll take you to the real one soon, but for now, this is the best we’ve got,” he said, and she leaned over and pressed a deep kiss to his lips in gratitude.

He accepted it easily, only broken by their silly smiles.

Because he’d taken her to the cheesy, touristy, very family oriented beach themed restaurant in town. Her heart was going to explode.

Aelin leaned her head on his shoulder, staring out at the building, looking very out of place with its fake palm trees, ocean mural painted on the wall, the string lights that belonged more on a beach instead of in this icy weather.

“Thank you,” she said, and Rowan turned to press a kiss to her forehead.

“Anytime.” Then he nudged her up, his hand going to the door. “Now let’s go eat.”

Chapter Text

About a week passed without much trouble. Aelin slotted back into her normal routine: work, school, home work, keeping track of Elia, keeping track of her food consumption, though she had Rowan for that now. 

His apartment had been cleared up, his renter’s insurance covering the damage, but he’d been staying at her place ever since then. Neither of them had said anything about it, but she knew they both felt more comfortable with the other person there. With Elia close by.

Though she’d moved Elia’s crib back into her own room, as she was afraid of waking her whenever she couldn’t sleep. Aelin was restless sometimes, especially at night, and she didn’t want to bother the little girl.

Arobynn hadn’t contacted her, or done anything since that phone call, since the blood, and while she knew he wasn’t gone, it was easy to pretend like he was finally leaving her alone.

She was tricking herself, but sometimes the mental break was needed.

A light touch to her hair slowly started dragging her out of sleep, and she hummed, blearily opening her eyes. 

“Good morning,” she mumbled when she met Rowan’s green eyes. “What time is it?” He stroked her hair again, pressing a light kiss to her head.

“It’s still early,” he murmured quietly, “you can get some more rest. I’m sorry I woke you up.” Aelin blinked, glancing out toward the window. Sure enough, it was still dark outside.

“It’s okay,” she said, yawning. “Why are you awake?” She was still sprawled across his chest, her arm banded across his stomach, but only one of his arms was holding her, the other tapping away at his phone, even as he looked at her.

He sighed. “I’m arranging another meeting with Maeve,” he answered, “I couldn’t sleep, and I’m not sure she ever sleeps. Besides, she wants to meet today so it’s better to schedule it now.” Aelin raised a tired brow.

“At,” she glanced around for the digital clock she kept on her dresser. “5:23 in the morning?”

Rowan shrugged, combing his hand through her tangled blonde locks. She nearly purred like a cat at the sensation.

“She’s going to bully me about the internship,” he said calmly, “I know that. But I already have my response, so I’m not too worried. Better to just get it over with.” 

A thread of panic ran through her at his words. At the thought that he might be leaving her, moving halfway across the world. But it wouldn’t be fair of her to voice the words that she so desperately wanted to say.

Stay. Don’t leave. Don’t leave me. 

Because this was an amazing opportunity for him, and who was she to stand in the way? That wasn’t her place, no matter how much she wanted to keep him with her. She would never be that type of person.

“Well, I hope it goes well,” was all Aelin decided to say, albeit tiredly. Rowan hummed.

“And I hope your class goes well,” he replied, referencing the practice final exam they were taking in her stats class that day. The exam was still a couple of weeks away, but it was supposed to be a gauge for them of how much they each needed to review before the end of the semester. She was nervous as hell, she had to admit.

But she was prepared, thanks to the man lying next to her.

Aelin leaned up and placed a light kiss to his lips, preparing to lay back down, but Rowan caught her lips again and deepened the kiss. It was easy to fall into it, to sink into the feeling. 

He dropped his phone, his hands settling on her hips, and she threw a leg over his hip, getting closer to him as their slow kiss intensified. His tongue gently nudged at her bottom lip, and she opened for him, sighing into his mouth as his tongue swept through hers. 

It was a stolen, quiet moment, rare for her now, and they were taking advantage of it. Her hands crept up to twist into his hair, and his hands gripped her hips tighter as he pulled her so she was practically laying on top of him.  She shivered when her t-shirt rode up, his thumbs brushing against the smooth skin of her waist. 

Well… his t-shirt really. She’d stolen it from his bag when he’d brought some more stuff over from his apartment, and he hadn’t gotten it back yet. 

Aelin just couldn’t resist the temptation. It was an unbelievably soft dark green material, large enough to fall around her thighs, and best of all, it smelled like him. That comforting pine scent that always made her feel safe and at home. In this t-shirt, it wrapped around her and filled her senses, a factor more desirable than the comfort of the shirt itself.

But being wrapped up in the man himself was even better, his mouth moving in time with hers as his thumbs drew little circles on her bare waist.

They were making out like two teenagers in the back of a car, but Aelin didn’t mind. She relished in it really. 

Because the moment his hands started to slip higher, bringing his t-shirt with it… she paused. 

It wasn’t a full flinch, but it was enough of a hesitation to draw Rowan’s attention. She felt a little silly for the reaction, as they’d gone even a little bit further than this before; but she didn’t try to stop him as he removed his hands before nudging her gently to the side.

“I’m sorry,” she said, her face flushing a little bit as she rolled off of him to lay on the bed again.

“No, don’t apologize,” he said, shaking his head. He grabbed her hands from where they’d slid off of his head, pressing gentle kisses to both of her palms. “Don’t ever apologize for not crossing your own boundaries.”

A small noise of frustration escaped her, and he chuckled lightly at the sound. “I don’t want to have boundaries,” she complained, almost whining. “I want to have sex with my super hot boyfriend.”

Rowan let out a choked laugh this time, caught off guard by her bold words. But it was true, she did. 

“Don’t deflect,” he teased, and she buried her face into his neck, grumbling into his skin.

“You buzzard,” she complained, the words muffled. She felt his laugh rumble through his chest.

“Buzzard?” He questioned, with a smile, and she shrugged. His voice was quiet in the silent morning, like a puff of breath on a cold foggy day.

“A fussy buzzard,” she clarified, and he hummed in mock understanding.

“I see,” Rowan said, his hand smoothing up and down her back, over the t-shirt. “Do I get a fancy nickname for you?”

“Hm, do you?” Aelin teased, propping herself up on her elbow. “I’m not so sure.” He scoffed, but she just chuckled, turning away to grab her phone from where it was resting on the nightstand. A yawn escaped her as she rolled back, her eyes heavy enough to remind her how early it still was.

Corroborating Rowan’s earlier point about Maeve’s sleeping habits, the only homework notifications on her phone were from her stats class. It wasn’t anything too drastic, just a couple of assignments that Aelin had managed to get an A on, but Maeve had also created two more spots in the gradebook. One spot for the practice exam that day, and the one spot for the final exam.

Aelin cleared her throat, swiping away from the notifications before it could officially dampen her mood, opening the camera app instead. 

“Here,” she said, scooting over and sitting up a bit. Rowan raised a silvery brow at the camera, but followed suit. She fiddled with it a bit to switch the camera to face them, leaning into her boyfriend next to her. “I don’t have a picture of the two of us yet, and I want one. I want to do all the normal girlfriend things,” she explained, smiling. “Like having a picture of us as my lockscreen, and texting funny gifs to each other back and forth all day, and making you do my homework when I don’t feel like it.”

“Oh, I see. Is that what you’re keeping me around for?” Rowan teased, “my ability to do your homework for you?”

“Yep,” she lied, with a grin. “That’s all I want from you.” He flicked her nose, and she snapped at his fingers, earning another heartwarming laugh.

She cracked up too, laughing with him, until eventually she settled down, leaning against him with a sigh. But both their smiles were still wide when she lifted her phone and snapped the picture. 

“Fireheart,” she said after a moment, pulling the phone down to examine the photo instead of looking at him. “My parents used to call me Fireheart.”

A breath of silence passed, and her heart beat with nerves as she flicked her thumb to open the picture. 

“Fireheart,” Rowan repeated, and a warm feeling replaced the nerves, settling through her veins and making her feel safe. “It suits you,” he added, and she finally looked up at him, seeing the earnestness in his green eyes. “Do you mind if I start calling you that?”

She shook her head minutely. “No, I don’t mind.” 

“Okay,” Rowan said, smiling softly down at her. “Fireheart.” 

Aelin smiled back, and leaned up to press a quick kiss to his cheek before finally looking at the picture. Dropping her head onto his shoulder, she held the phone so they could both look at it.

The picture practically mirrored the position they’d just returned to, with Aelin cuddled up into Rowan’s side. But it was their faces that caught her attention. Both of their smiles were beaming, and brightened with genuine emotion, but Aelin’s own specifically… 

She looked young.

Not something she’d ever really thought she’d be able to say again, but it was true. There was a lightness to her face, a brightness in her eyes that only really came with youth. She was young still, but her appearance had never reflected that number, not since before she was even an adult. 

But here, buried in Rowan’s giant t-shirt, her hair loose and mussed up from sleep, she looked every part the twenty one year old she was.

“There,” she said, tapping a few buttons. “Now it’s my lockscreen.” Her homescreen was a baby picture of Elia, but her lockscreen had just been a generic landscape picture. Now they were both special.

“I’ll have to get a picture, too,” Rowan added, his hand brushing up and down her arm soothingly. The motion was making her sleepy again, so she only hummed in response to his words. Her eyes were fluttering closed, her head slipping to lay against his chest, but then a faint whimper pierced through the baby monitor and she sighed. 

Aelin moved to start getting up, especially as the whimpers grew more pronounced, but Rowan stopped her with a gentle hand. “Here, I’ll go handle it,” he offered, “You get some more rest.”

She was going to protest, but the allure of sleep was too powerful and she sleepily nodded, letting him slide off the bed. Already halfway back under, she barely felt it when Rowan fixed the comforter, gently draping her in it and pressing a soft kiss to her hair before leaving.

And her sleep would’ve been peaceful, if not for the dream.

-------------

Too many emotions were battling inside of her for Aelin to really understand what she was feeling. All of them were making her feel sick, and all of them only grew more intense when the familiar front door swung open in front of them.

“Welcome home, sir,” Mullin greeted as he stepped to the side, giving them space to walk into their house. Or rather, Arobynn’s house. She didn’t feel like she owned anything. After all, does a prisoner really own their cage?

Arobynn’s hand came to rest heavily on her lower back, and her eyes dropped to the ground as she was led inside. The cold breeze that defined Rifthold’s winters disappeared suddenly the moment she stepped across the threshold of the house, stifling her in her sweater. Or it should’ve been stifling, but she still just felt cold.

“Oh, and happy late birthday,” Mullin added as Arobynn passed, and the emotions swirled once again, threatening to bring her to her knees.

“Thank you, Mullin,” her husband’s voice rang out behind her, and she had to forcibly stop herself from flinching. “It was certainly one to remember.”

Her stomach sank, her tumultuous emotions settling into one feeling that trickled down from her head to her toes. 

Shame.

“I’m going to go take a shower,” Aelin murmured, hesitating before leaving.

“Fine,” Arobynn stated, giving her the permission she knew she needed. “I’m going back out; work stuff.” That was all the explanation she was given, paired with a kiss to her temple that made her squeeze her eyes shut.

But the information didn’t make her upset as it might have once. If anything, she craved the bit of privacy. Though it wasn’t real privacy when he made sure to turn the security cameras in the house on whenever he left her alone. Never when he was there, but always when he wasn’t.

Just a form of collateral for him; Aelin didn’t notice it most of the time.

And sure enough, as she trailed up the staircase to the second floor, the tell-tale whirs of the cameras turning on sounded, and a familiar red light flashed once before disappearing. 

It was just a fleeting observation; it was gone from her head the moment she got upstairs, because truthfully, she didn’t even care anymore. 

She didn’t really care about anything.

When she reached the master bedroom door, instead of going inside, she kept walking, her feet padding along the floor until she reached a guest bathroom. Nobody ever used it, because no one ever stayed over, so it had an air of freshness to it as Aelin headed not for the shower, but for the bathtub. 

It was a massive piece of clawfoot architecture, and it was cold to the touch as she stripped down and climbed to sit inside. It was only then she turned the tap on, the water almost boiling to the touch. 

The tub slowly filled up around her, coating her in that burning liquid, and she was left staring at her naked body through an unfiltered lens.

Her skin, once golden, was a pale array of mottled bruises, carefully placed to be hidden under the right clothes. Like the giant collection of sweaters she’d amassed.

A deep ache settled in her lower stomach, and she let her head rest against the back of the tub, her eyes falling shut as the water rose around her. Aelin wasn’t sure how she’d gotten up here so easily; her legs felt too weak now to move.

It’d happened before, but this was easily the worst time. Up in the cabin for his birthday, isolated away from everyone for days on end with nothing to do. 

Well, he found something to do.

With a pounding heart, she leaned over the side of the bathtub, grappling for the cabinets under the sink. Water sloshed over the side, but she didn’t care, not as she successfully opened one, reaching for the bottle inside.

Alcohol was stocked somewhere in almost every room, and Aelin had taken care to learn where all of those spots were. For just a time as this. 

She popped off the top of the whiskey bottle, settled back into the tub, and took a long sip of the beverage, reveling in the burning sensation only matched by the burning of the water itself. Maybe they both would help her get clean.

Recklessly following that deluded line of thought, she dumped the rest of the bottle into the bathtub, before dropping it over the side with an exaggerated flourish.

She managed to remember to turn the tap off before the bath overflowed, but couldn’t think much beyond that, sinking low until only her nose, mouth, and eyes were out of the water. 

Shame swirled around inside of her, mirroring the swirl of the whiskey in the water. She’d let this happen, she’d caused this, if only she wasn’t so stupid , she wouldn’t be in this situation. She wouldn’t be feeling like she was utterly worthless, utterly humiliated, utterly used.

Nineteen years old and already a failure. She just wondered how much worse it would get.

Unconsciously, she slipped beneath the water completely, the waves swallowing her whole. Her ears were muffled, no sound piercing through that liquid layer, and for once, it was peaceful.

The water burned her eyes, but she didn’t move, just laid there and watched the light from the bathroom dance in the swirling waves. It was mesmerizing.

Maybe she should just stay down here, in this quiet nothingness, letting the silence take over in her head. 

Her ears started ringing, and her lungs were contracting painfully from the lack of oxygen, but she didn’t move, eyes dull as she stared at nothing. Aelin knew alarm bells were going off in her body, her brain telling her to get to the surface and breathe , but she didn’t care. 

It was the only time in the past year that she had the choice to ignore someone’s demands, and she was determined to, even if the demand was coming from her own body. She wasn’t going to listen to anyone anymore.

But then her chest squeezed and her mouth was forced open in an attempt for air, yet it only found water. The burning liquid spilled down into her lungs, and she couldn’t stop herself from reacting. 

She spasmed forward, breaking the surface of the water, and coughed brutally. Her body forcibly expelled the liquid from her lungs, and her throat burned from the heat and from the whiskey. She spit the rest of it into the bathtub, panting to catch her breath.

Shifting so her knees were up poking above the water, she leaned forward, resting her forehead on them as she breathed heavily. It felt foreign to her now, her body, with its scars and its bruises and its betrayal. 

When she managed to calm down she turned her head so her cheek was pressed against her reddened knee, and caught a glimpse of a red flashing light. 

A dry, humorless laugh escaped her. 

And in this endless state of apathy, unsure if there was anyone on the other end or not, Aelin decided to blow a kiss to the camera. She put as much irony into it as possible, not difficult given the situation, and then leaned back into the bathtub, dropping her head against the side.

If she got in trouble for it, oh well. Despite what she thought earlier, it couldn’t get much worse than this. She was already in hell, who cared what happened to her now?

--------------

Aelin darted awake, her eyes springing open quickly. She thought she saw a red light flicker in the corner of her vision, but she blinked and shook her head and it was gone, a lingering fragment of her dream. That damned dream.

“Shit,” she cursed, reaching over for her phone. And yep, there it was. November 23rd. She dropped the device and let it clatter on her nightstand, her lips trembling before settling into a thin frown. 

November 23rd. He turned 42 today.

It’d been officially two years since she’d hit rock bottom. 

Drowning herself in her own bathtub would’ve been quite the way out. She just wished she could’ve seen his face if she’d actually done it.

No. That was Aelin from two years ago talking; she wasn’t supposed to think that way anymore. 

She sighed and closed her eyes, taking one deep breath before snapping them open, not giving herself another chance to think about it before shoving herself to a stand. It was time to get ready anyway, she had class at noon. 

It was only then she realized Rowan was gone, and that there was no noise coming from anywhere else in the small apartment. Her frown etched itself further into her face as she walked out of her bedroom, her feet aiming toward Elia’s room. 

The sight when she got inside made her heart harden even more, the lack of sight really. Aelin pushed herself off of the doorframe, her steps taking her quickly to the living room. And the sight there softened her heart.

Rowan was sprawled across the couch, one of his feet dangling off the side, while Elia was lying curled up on his chest, both of them sleeping peacefully. He had one hand on her back, keeping her secure, the other was thrown over his eyes, like he’d been in the middle of rubbing them to stay awake and hadn’t quite managed to. 

Aelin’s frown lessened a little bit, but it was still there as she meandered to the kitchen, turning on her coffee pot, a necessity for any morning. 

But then Elia made a sleepy noise, and Aelin headed over there, carefully lifting her out of Rowan’s grasp to avoid waking him up. He’d said he couldn’t sleep earlier, she’d leave him for a little bit. She didn’t know what time his meeting was, but it likely was before her class, so she’d wake him up soon.

“Hey, sweetheart,” Aelin cooed softly to her daughter, “good morning.”

“Mama,” was all Elia said, waving her arms and legs tiredly as Aelin carried her not to the kitchen but back to the nursery to change her. It was the messy part of parenting, but she wouldn’t give up any of it. 

The only good thing to come out of her past, and she’d almost thrown it all away.  She clutched her daughter tightly as she walked them back out to the kitchen. 

“What do you want for breakfast, hm?” She asked idly, “some cereal puffs? Or do you want to try some fruit today?”

Elia just babbled something that sounded suspiciously like mama again, nearly drawing out a smile from mama herself.

When they reached the kitchen, Aelin was surprised to find Rowan already up and active, pouring two cups of coffee. He turned and leaned against the counter as she walked in, passing her one of the mugs. 

“Thanks,” she muttered, reaching to take it from him. But as she grasped the mug, her fingertips brushed hers, and she couldn’t fight the slight flinch that went through her. Rowan paused, his brows furrowed, and he opened his mouth to say something but ultimately closed it, choosing to take a sip from his own mug.

Aelin was grateful; she didn’t want to trauma dump on him yet again. And she didn’t want to deal with what this day was or represented. Instead, she just hugged Elia closer to her, placing a kiss on her red locks.

“Did you sleep well?” He asked her, and she nodded, hating the tension between them compared to the comfort of earlier that morning. It was her fault really, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. 

She wished she wasn’t so capricious, but she also knew he understood. Which is why, a few minutes later, when he said he had to go get ready to meet Maeve and he leaned in for a kiss, he didn’t get pissy when she pulled back, her cheeks flushed in embarrassment and anger at herself. She just didn’t know how she’d respond to touch right now.

Rowan just turned the kiss on Elia instead, placing it on her head. His small smile to Aelin after that said Don’t worry, I understand. 

And while he couldn’t quite truly understand, she appreciated the sentiment. But this wasn’t his burden to bear, it was just hers.

--------

Class later that day seemed to drone on and on and on, despite the practice exam she was taking. Maeve had been particularly high strung for some reason, shooting dangerous glares and snappy sentences at everyone who even dared to breathe too loudly.

The only good thing was that Aelin had been on a roll taking the test. The answers were coming fairly easily, and for the ones she didn’t know right away, she at least knew the process she was supposed to use to get there. She’d have to remember to thank Rowan later.

She’d only been disrupted twice through the whole class: once by an ambulance blaring past, its sirens piercing the quiet as death atmosphere, and then again by a text alert that was thankfully on vibrate. She hadn’t had to check it, but she knew it wasn’t from Emrys, because he’d always call if something was wrong. Elia was with him right now, having a day at the cafe, since both she and Rowan were busy. And if something was wrong, Aelin wouldn’t hesitate to dart out of the room in favor of her daughter.

But that didn’t seem to be the case, so she’d worry about the text later.

It was only when she was done with the test, loosing a breath as she submitted the assignment, that she got a phone call. Immediately, the consistent frown on her face deepened, and she pulled out her phone as she packed up, hurrying from the room quickly to not disrupt the people still testing.

Lorcan’s name was flashing across the screen, and Aelin answered the call, an ugly feeling of dread settling in her gut.

“What is it?” She asked quickly, resisting the urge to scratch at her palm.

“ The first thing you need to know is that Elia is perfectly fine,” Lorcan’s voice came through the speaker, and Aelin sucked in a breath.

“What the hell do you mean?” She asked, squeezing her free hand in a fist to vent the tension. “Why wouldn’t she be fine?”

“ Malakai couldn’t come pick Elia up like normal” he said, his voice uncharacteristically shaky. “ And the cafe got really busy, at least that’s what Emrys told me, so Rowan volunteered and -”

“Lorcan, get to the fucking point,” she said through gritted teeth, her heart pounding in her chest. But his next words made it stop completely.

“There’s been an accident.”

Chapter Text

The ringing in her ears was the only thing louder than the sound of her own stilted breathing, her heart pounding in her chest to finish out the symphony. Everything in her body was on high alert, faced with the new situation and unaware of how to deal with it.

Even her legs wobbled as she got out of the taxi, taking quick but weak steps toward the hospital doors. She was going to be sick.

The cold didn’t even pierce her skin as she traveled those few steps to the building, having to physically remind herself to breathe.

Elia was okay, that’s what Lorcan had said. She was fine. But until Aelin saw it for herself, that panic wouldn’t leave.

And Rowan. How was he? Lorcan hadn’t said anything about him. Just that there’d been a car accident involving them both and Aelin needed to come now. 

Elia wasn’t even supposed to be with Rowan; she was at the cafe today. Lorcan had started to tell her a garbled version of the story, but she couldn’t piece enough together to really understand. But if what happened was enough to rattle Lorcan, then Aelin was nervous.

She sucked in a breath as she entered the sterile hospital, legs shaking as she hurried up to the front desk. And her voice was surprisingly steady as she spoke, conveying her urgency.

“Where are Rowan Whitethorn and Elia Galathynius,” she said, making it a demand. The girl at the desk looked a little alarmed when she glanced up, and Aelin knew her face must look deadly right now. Internally, she was freaking out, but externally, when the people she cared about were in danger, she didn’t put up with any shit.

It would’ve saved her a lot of trouble before if she’d ever learned to care about herself.

“Um -” the girl started to say, “Let me check. But visiting hours are almost over, so...”

“She’s my daughter, you bit -”

“Aelin!” A voice interrupted, and she turned to see Elide coming out of a side hallway, a worried smile on her face. “I was just going back up, bringing Lorcan some coffee,” she held up two cups, obviously coming from the cafeteria. Her smile faded when she saw Aelin’s expression, replacing it with a more serious look. “I can take you to Elia, I promise she’s okay.”

Without one more look at the receptionist, Aelin was hurrying over to the elevator, where Elide met her.

“Hold on!” The girl called after her. “You can’t ju-” Aelin just lifted a certain finger as she walked into the open elevator, not bothering to look back as the doors shut behind her.

But once the metallic steel closed, once the outside world was firmly outside , she broked. Her hands slid to her knees, bending over as she tried to breathe deeply, fighting the veins of panic running through her.

“Hey, it’s okay,” the brunette girl said softly, a warm hand settling on her back. “Elia’s alright, there’s no need to worry.”

“And Rowan?” The words were a whisper, conveying her depth of worry about the man. Aelin had just found him, had just found someone good in her life, she couldn’t lose him now. 

Elide’s silence told her everything she needed to know. But, she sighed and stood up, internalizing all of her worry and pushing it far down in favor of a show of strength.

“Do you know what happened?” Aelin said, her voice now completely flat. The elevator ticked up another floor. 

“Lorcan knows more than I do,” Elide admitted,  “Rowan had mentioned that Elia was at Mistward today, so Lorcan called Emrys to ask about it, but that’s all I know.”

Aelin loosed a sigh, dragging a hand down her face. “Okay,” she nodded, “just take me to them, please.”

“Of course,” the brunette said, just as those metal doors slid back open. Aelin’s heart sped up yet again. “They’re both just down this way.”

Elide sensed her urgency, and they walked quickly down the hallway, passing various other rooms and nurses in search of the two people Aelin desperately needed to see. 

And then Elide stopped at a door, glancing back at Aelin as she pushed the handle down, the conspicuous click sounding as the door opened. Her heart stopped. And then she was flooded with emotion as she laid eyes on her daughter, looking perfectly happy and safe as she sat in Lorcan’s lap, laughing at the grumpy man. 

“Oh thank gods,” Aelin said, in a burst of relief, rushing over and kneeling down, grabbing Elia and sweeping her into a tight hug.

“Mama!” The little girl said, followed by babbling she couldn’t quite identify. Aelin squeezed her tightly, pressing dozens of kisses all over her head. 

“Oh gods,” she repeated, breathing it into her hair. “You scared me, sweet girl.” She shifted so she was sitting on the cold tile, her knees up with Elia cradled close to her chest. 

“She scared us too, but she’s perfectly healthy,” a calm voice said, and Aelin looked up to see a nurse smiling down at them, standing next to the computer stand. “That car seat probably saved her life.”

The car seat. 

Aelin sniffed, unaware she’d started crying, and looked up at Lorcan, who was looking down at them with an expression she’d never seen on his face, though she’d only spent very limited time with him. He didn’t seem very pleasant, but Elide was a sweetheart, and Rowan seemed to like him, so she trusted his judgement. Rowan.

“Where’s Rowan?” She asked, directing the question at the tall man, while keeping Elia clutched to her. Sure, she was okay just like everyone had said, but that fear still wasn’t gone from her veins, that protective instinct that ate at her. “How is he?”

His face turned grim. “I’ll show you.” 

Aelin’s gut sank at the words, but she warily stood up, holding Elia with both hands as she followed Lorcan toward the door.

“Wait,” the nurse called, and Aelin paused, turning back to look at her. “We have to do some paperwork and parental verification before you’re allowed to take her,” she clarified, and Aelin nodded, stepping back inside. 

It made sense, and Aelin appreciated it. Gods forbid anyone else walked in here, acting like they were worried, and then snatched her up because the hospital didn’t check that they were who they said they were. Gods forbid if Arobynn had done that. Aelin didn’t know what she’d do if he ever got his hands on her.

After all this time, all this hard work, if Elia was ever taken from her… well, she just wouldn’t let that happen. Couldn’t let that happen. 

So she didn’t protest as the nurse asked her some questions, pulling up Elia’s birth record on the computer and verifying Aelin’s social security information, her ID, etc. 

Lorcan and Elide had left already, telling her Rowan’s room number, so when she was finally free, Elia safe in her arms, Aelin reentered the hallway, breaths tight as she headed that way. Elia tucked her face into Aelin’s neck as Aelin reached the door, pushing on the handle the same way Elide had and hesitantly entering the room.

“Shit,” she said, her breath escaping her in a painful rush. He looked bad. 

With careful steps, she got closer to Rowan’s bedside, shifting Elia so she had a hand to carefully grab his own. It was heavy, and lifeless, and she desperately missed the way he would automatically hold her hand back, his long fingers almost covering the back of her palm, squeezing her hand once so she knew he was right there with her.

This time, when she squeezed his hand, there was no squeeze back. Silent tears streamed down her face.

“What’s wrong with him,” she asked breathlessly, turning her head around to find someone who could answer her question. 

“Broken ribs, dislocated shoulder, some head trauma,” Lorcan answered, his voice flat. “I’m his emergency contact, so the doctor told me when I got here.” He blinked, and seemed to realize something, his expression turning to a grimace. “I’m sure he was going to change it to you, but none of us expected this to happen.”

Aelin just shook her head; that was the least of her worries. 

“Here’s a chair,” Elide offered, grabbing one from by the wall. “Do you want some privacy?”

She didn’t know why they were being so nice to her, after all he was their friend too, she was sure they wanted to spend time with him, but she couldn’t resist nodding.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, sitting down in the chair without letting go of Rowan’s hand. Instead, she lifted it, pressing a kiss to his palm. 

Elide and Lorcan soon left, and they were alone.

“Hey buzzard,” she said softly, her eyes welling with tears again as she took in his appearance. His normally tan skin was ashen, a bandage was covering part of his silvery hair, and the numerous tubes and lines connecting him to the machines made her want to vomit. 

“I’m so sorry this happened,” she whispered, her throat tight. “I’m so sorry that you’re here, that you’re going through this.” She leaned forward, resting her forehead carefully on his arm. “Of all the people in the world, you deserve this the least.” 

Elia whimpered sadly, like she could sense that something was wrong. Or maybe she was just unsettled by one of her favorite people looking so lifeless. 

“You deserve every good thing that could ever happen,” Aelin continued, squeezing his hand tighter. “Not this,” she said, her voice getting weaker as she let her self-deprecating attitude take over, “not me .” She took a shuddering breath. “I lo-” she couldn’t finish the words, sniffing to fight her steadily growing tears. “I’m sorry.” 

She shook her head, pushing to a stand. Without looking back, she pushed open the door, heading for Elide. She needed air.

“Would you watch Elia for a few minutes?” she asked, wiping her face quickly. 

“Of course,” Elide answered, taking Elia from her with her brows furrowed. “Are you o-”

“I’m fine,” Aelin interrupted. “I’ll be back soon.”

And with that, she turned and left, heading for not the elevator, but the stairs. She took them two at a time, racing for the first floor as she felt her throat tighten, no air entering or escaping. 

A car accident. A fucking car accident. An accident that left Rowan hurt, and unconscious, and so far away from her it felt like he was slipping away. She couldn’t go through this again, not at all. Not when the last accident she’d been through had left her scarred in more ways than one.

She didn’t even know what happened, it could’ve been Rowan’s fault for all she knew. But deep in her heart, she knew that wasn’t right. She thought of every time he’d kept his eyes locked on the road, extra careful whenever he had her and Elia in the car. 

This wasn’t his fault. So whose was it?

When she was out of the hospital, she didn’t stop, instead she kept moving until she was around the corner, away from people entering and exiting the busy building. Finding herself in an alley, she finally stopped, leaning over and bracing herself on her knees as she tried to breathe.

In and out. In and out. In and out.

Aelin kept breathing like that until she calmed down, her heart slowing back down to a normal rate. 

And then her phone rang. 

She sighed heavily, standing up and grabbing her phone from her pocket, answering it when she saw it was Emrys on the line.

“Hey Emrys, what’s up,” she said casually, trying to keep her voice steady.

“ Aelin,” the old man said, “ How’s Rowan, how’s Elia?” His voice was frantic. “ Lorcan updated me earlier but has anything changed?”

Aelin dragged a hand through her hair roughly. “No, nothing’s changed. Elia’s fine, and Rowan’s… stable. It’s nothing too serious.” She sighed again. “What happened, Emrys? Elia was supposed to be with you.”

She didn’t want him feeling guilty, but she still wanted to know. 

“ Luca called in sick, so it was just me working,” Emrys explained, the guilt she was trying to avoid heavy in his voice. “ So I called Malakai and asked him if he could babysit Elia, but he got held up with a teacher’s meeting afterschool, so I went out on a whim and called Rowan, since you left me his number, and he volunteered to come get her after his meeting was done.” 

“He had class, though, too,” she said, scrubbing at her face. “Did he skip it?”

“ He didn’t say anything about that,” Emrys supplied, “ maybe it got canceled?” 

Aelin sighed through her nose, wandering to the hospital wall and leaning against it, her head falling back to rest on it. “I don’t know, but thanks for telling me,” she said flatly, “I have to go.”

Without waiting for his reply, she hung up, her thumb swiping and closing the phone app. But then her eyes caught on her text message app, seeing a little red 1 to signal she had a text. She blinked. Oh right, she’d forgotten about the text from during her class earlier.

In an attempt to distract herself, Aelin opened it, but froze as she read it, as she realized who it was from and what it meant.

> Happy birthday to me

Aelin just sat there, unmoving, unblinking, unbreathing, as she processed the message. And then she broke.

“Fuck!” She yelled, hurling her phone across the alley, watching as it clattered to the asphalt ground. “Fuck this! Fuck that! And fuck you!” She shouted the words at her shattered phone, falling forward onto her knees. If it wouldn’t break her hand, she’d punch the wall, but she settled for hitting her fist on the ground, splitting a few knuckles instead of shattering the bone. 

“ Godsdammit ,” she spit wetly, tears spilling down her cheeks once again. “I hate you,” she said weakly, knowing who her words were for but knowing they did absolutely nothing. She leaned too far to the side, sliding onto the ground, and she let herself curl up in a ball, the icy air almost comforting in a self flagellating way. 

He’d caused the accident, somehow. He was trying to break her, yet again, and she didn’t know what was worse: that by itself, or the fact that he was succeeding. 

“Aelin?” A voice called, and she lifted her head weakly, laying eyes on a semi-familiar figure walking hesitantly toward her. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” she rasped, pushing herself to a stand slowly. “What are you doing here?” She asked, looking up at Fenrys. “Are you here to see Rowan?”

“Yep,” he nodded, golden brows furrowed in worry. “Are you sure you’re okay?” 

Aelin frowned, wiping her face quickly and straightening up, trying to look stable. “Yes, you don't need to keep asking.” Fenrys lifted his hands in supplication.

“I’m sorry, you just look like shit, no offense,” he replied, and she looked at him incredulously.

“Thanks for that,” she said, her voice dripping in sarcasm. “I really appreciate the compliment.” She shook her head, brushing past him, snatching up her phone on the way. The screen had a new crack in it, but it wasn’t broken. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me worse,” she muttered, “does a certain incident at a certain bar ring a bell?”

“Hey,” Fenrys said, hurrying to walk by her side. “Rowan’s already given me shit for that, and I already told him I don’t know what happened.” Aelin hummed incredulously, not looking at the man as she walked back to the hospital entrance. 

Her text alert went off, and she frowned as she grabbed her phone out of her pocket, hesitantly looking at the screen. But it was just Elide, and she opened it quickly, a shuddering breath escaping her at the words.

> Rowan’s awake

---------

Aelin burst through the stairwell doors to the second floor, hurrying down the hallway as fast as she could until she reached the room she was searching for. 

She threw open the door, probably harder than she needed to, but she didn’t care as she spotted familiar green eyes. 

“Rowan,” she said breathlessly, her pace slowing as she trailed over to his bedside. Elide and Lorcan were sitting in chairs by the wall, and Fenrys was following her into the room, but she only had eyes for him as she walked up to him. Her heart nearly burst as she saw Elia curled up next to Rowan on his bed, tucked under the arm not held up in a sling. She wasn’t asleep, but she was simply messing around with Fee-fu again, happy to be back in the arms of her favorite person. 

“Fireheart,” he replied, his voice raspy. And at the emotion in it, she didn’t hesitate before reclaiming her old chair, grabbing his hand again.

“How are you feeling?” She asked, and he shrugged with his uninjured shoulder.

“Pretty bad, I can’t lie,” he said, wincing at the movement. He frowned when he turned her hand over, revealing the split knuckles. “What happened?”

She shook her head, waving off his concern. “It’s nothing,” she deflected, “what happened to you?” She asked instead, softly, her brows furrowed in worry. In the back of her mind, she registered Elide collecting Lorcan and Fenrys and exiting, leaving the two of them alone. But her full attention was on the man in front of her.

The man who let out a heavy sigh, his own brows furrowing. “My class got canceled,” he said, confirming Emrys’ theory, “and Emrys had called -”

“Yeah,” she interrupted, nodding her head, “he told me this part.” She lifted his hand carefully and kissed the back of it, fighting the urge to squeeze it tightly. “How did you crash?” She asked weakly, pushing away the shudder that went through her at the words. 

His eyes darkened. “I was going to take Elia to the store with me, we were going to pick up - something,” his eyes flicked away from hers, and his face looked more flushed with color than it had been. Was he embarrassed? About what? “And I was taking us along a backroad, because the roads are all so icy right now I didn’t want there to be too much traffic.” He sighed again, squeezing his eyes shut before snapping them open. “But someone in the other lane, going the other direction, wasn’t paying attention, the asshole, and drifted toward us. And to avoid getting hit, I tried to move over, but I went too far and slid off the road and hit a tree.” 

To her surprise, tears bubbled up in his eyes, threatening to spill over. “Aelin, I’m so fucking sorry,” he said, his voice weak, mirroring the exact same words she’d whispered to him ealier. “I’m so sorry this happened. All I ever wanted was to keep the two of you safe, and I did the exact opposite.” 

“Rowan,” she said quietly, her other hand going up to rest on his cheek, brushing away a tear with her thumb. “It’s not your fault.” His eyes darted back to hers, his brows furrowed.

“What do you mean?” 

She loosed a breath, preparing herself for the words she was about to say. “It’s Arobynn’s birthday,” she said flatly, “and as an apparent birthday present to himself, he decided to have someone run you off the road.” A whole array of emotions passed over his handsome face as he processed the information, before settling into something cold and angry.

“Did he know Elia was in the car,” he asked, his voice flat.

“I have no idea,” she admitted, the hand on his cheek sliding off. Elia looked up at the sound of her name, but when she realized neither of the adults were talking to her, she went back to her toy. 

“That bastard,” Rowan muttered, his teeth gritted. “I expected him to come after me, but I will never be okay with him targeting her.” Tears sprang to her own eyes, gods she was so emotional today.

“The nurse told me the car seat saved her life,” Aelin said, her throat tight. “So really, I should be thanking you.” He shook his head.

“Don’t thank me for that,” he insisted, “it would absolutely destroy me too if anything ever happened to her.” Aelin sighed, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to his forehead that conveyed everything she couldn’t find the words for.

She stayed there, laying her head on his chest, trying not to hurt him, but with his injured hand, he took the opportunity to comb his fingers through her hair, so she figured he was okay with it. 

“Is that why you were upset this morning?” He asked softly, after a minute. “Did he do something on his birthday?” Without moving, without looking at him, she tried to answer the question as easily as she could.

“Which birthday?” She asked, equally as softly. It was a deflection, but she didn’t know if he wanted to hear the true answer.

“Any of them, all of them.”

“Well,” she said simply. “The first birthday he had when we were together was at the cabin, like I told you before. When he proposed.” And slept with me, she didn’t add. She didn’t need to. “And then when we were married, the next birthday -” she sucked in a shaky breath. “It was bad.”

Rowan’s hand stalled in her hair, before resuming the motion, knowing how it comforted her. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.”

She chuckled humorlessly. “No, I’ll tell you, I’m just glad Elia doesn’t understand a word we’re saying.” Her eyes fell shut as she sighed. “So - his 40th birthday -” her hand twitched in his, and he squeezed it once. “We went back to the cabin,” she explained, “it’d become a place where - it’s kind of hard to explain but, we went there whenever he was especially angry at me. Or just felt like going somewhere special to…” her voice trailed off. “And that birthday, I was subjected to that for too long,” she admitted, feeling small. “I - had a bad reaction when we got back. It wasn’t a good day for me.”

“What do you mean?” Rowan asked cautiously, even though she was sure he knew what she was saying.

“I don’t take baths anymore,” she said cynically, “if that’s an answer enough.” 

A moment passed, and then two, and she regretted speaking so candidly, so aggressively, until -

“I’m glad you’re here,” he said softly, and she wondered if he somehow knew that that was exactly what she needed to hear. “I’m glad you decided to keep persevering through that hell. And I’m very glad I ended up getting to know you because of it. You’re so strong, Fireheart,” he added, his voice shaky. “I hope you know that.”

A tear dripped down her face, and she squeezed his hand back, acknowledging his words. “I’m glad I didn’t, anyhow,” she continued, admitting the last thing she needed to say. “Because Elia came nine months later.”

Aelin dared to open her eyes, sitting up a bit to look at him, and found him already looking down at her, his eyes soft.

“Then I’m even more glad,” he said gently, and she smiled weakly, leaning up to press a kiss to his lips, wet with both of their tears.

“Thank you,” she said quietly, sniffing. “Now you better let those three come in here and see you, otherwise we’re going to have a mutiny on our hands.” Rowan chuckled, and she sat up, glancing out the window to see the three mentioned people waiting out in the hallway. 

“Okay,” he conceded, “don’t go far, alright?” She nodded in confirmation as she stood up. “And do you mind if I watch her for a bit?” He asked, gesturing to Elia. Aelin sniffed back tears again, smiling as she shook her head.

“Not at all.”

Chapter Text

Waking up in the middle of the night sick to her stomach wasn’t a rare occurrence anymore. Normally it was because she was jolting awake from a nightmare, her body reacting with a sudden bold of nausea. Normally she could tamper it down, taking deep breaths and staring at the ceiling to slowly soothe herself. But that night, it wasn’t staying down.

Slipping out of bed as quietly and cautiously as possible, Aelin hurried to the bathroom, carefully shutting the door behind her before promptly falling to her knees and vomiting into the toilet. It was bitter, and sour, and the taste of it alone made her retch again.

She was panting quietly by the time she was able to come up for air, her stomach still protesting. But she managed to avoid throwing up again, focusing on deep breaths and trying to concentrate on anything else. Yet the moment she tried to carefully stand up, her legs threatening to give out, she was vomiting again. 

Eventually, out of pure exhaustion, she just settled into the floor, leaning her head against the ceramic. 

It was just food poisoning or something; maybe she’d caught a virus. But whatever it was… she wouldn’t think about it now. And it was to that lack of thought that she drifted off back to sleep.

She jolted awake an untold number of hours later, to light streaming in through the frosted windows and the sounds of tired grumbling back in the bedroom. Immediately sobered up, Aelin pushed herself to a wobbly stand, her legs weak from the uncomfortable position she’d fallen asleep in. She flushed the toilet and hurried to the sink, gargling some mouthwash to disguise the smell of the vomit, and ignoring the new vomit that was threatening to rise from all of her quick actions. 

Because somehow, for some reason she didn’t understand yet, she didn’t want him to know.

So she composed herself as she exited the bathroom, acting like she’d just woken up and had the sudden urge to pee. He was such a sound sleeper, he’d barely know the difference anyway.

“You look like shit,” Arobynn said, his voice raspy with sleep, and she didn’t bother responding, choosing to walk into the closet instead, searching for her silk robe. Aelin slung it on easily over her tiny silk nightgown, padding carefully to the bedroom door. Despite it being December, there wasn’t enough chill in the air to require anything more.

“Hey,” he called after her, “get back here.”

She paused, holding her breath as she slowly turned around, eyes on the floor as she walked over to his side of the bed. From where he was lounging, she let him grab her chin, tilting her face from side to side as he examined her appearance. The dark circles under her eyes, the sunken in cheeks, the pale pallor characteristic of being sick.

He clicked his tongue. “Go see Lysandra today,” he directed and she nodded, hands tightening in the fabric of her robe. “But first,” he slid his arm around her waist, pulling her in. “Come here.”

She prepared herself by drifting away deep into the recesses of her head, and the next thing she knew she was sitting in her dressing room, perched on a chair as her makeup and hair stylist, Lysandra, stood at the vanity, collecting the tools she needed to fix Aelin’s face.

“Have too much fun last night?” The brunette girl asked, her voice tinged with bitterness. Aelin blinked, dragging herself out of her thoughts.

She needed to take her temperature, or take a cold shower or something, even if she didn’t feel feverish. Because the nausea hadn’t gone away, so something must be wrong.

“Hm?” She asked, not having heard her properly, but Lysandra just rolled her eyes. The stylist had never liked her, Aelin knew that. She wasn’t sure what Lysandra thought went on in the house, but she seemed to be under the impression that Aelin was just some sort of party girl, who’d managed to snap up a rich man with her gold digging.

It wasn’t exactly right, but she didn’t have the energy to try and correct her.

“Dark circles,” Lysandra started listing as she grabbed the foundation and brush, roughly beginning to apply the makeup. “Hazy eyes.” She leaned in to sniff, her nose crinkling in disgust. “Vomit breath.” Aelin just stared. “I’m not surprised you’re a lightweight.”

Ah. She thought Aelin had been out drinking, maybe stumbled home at 2 in the morning and vomited out all the alcohol. Honestly, Aelin couldn’t remember the last time she’d drank. It was like almost drowning in it had changed her views toward its usefulness. Sure it was a good escape, but she wasn’t even present enough anymore to need to not be. 

Better to just do nothing.

Early in this “relationship” with her stylist, Aelin deigned to fight back, and the barbed responses she received were well deserved. Maybe that was just another reason she deserved to be here, in this place, in this situation. 

Another bolt of nausea struck her, but she held it until Lysandra was done with her hair too, walking daintily to the nearest bathroom and once again puking up her guts.

A dry sob escaped her as she retched, panting for air until she could finally catch her breath. 

After the wave passed, Aelin stood up carefully, walking toward the sink. She washed her hands, trying to fight around the inevitable truth in her mind. 

When she couldn’t ignore it anymore, she looked up, staring at her made up reflection in the mirror. Lysandra had done a good job of hiding her faults, hiding her sickness. 

But she couldn’t deny it anymore, no matter how much she wanted to. 

She wasn’t sick.

-------------

The hand that had been combing through her hair had stalled a long time ago, the owner of it having fallen asleep. Even the other hand that she was holding, the tiny little fingers wrapped around her own, had loosened, leaving her the only one awake.

Aelin didn’t mind. Cuddled into Rowan’s side like that, with Elia right there beside her, was exactly where she wanted to be. She didn’t think she’d felt calmer, or safer, in a while, despite the hospital setting around them. 

The nurses hadn’t been happy about it, but after Elide, Lorcan, and Fenrys had left, Rowan had pulled her back onto the bed, ignoring his injuries in favor of holding her close.  It seemed a life threatening experience had made him even touchier; Aelin certainly wasn’t complaining.

It was dark in the hospital room, soft moonlight streaming in through the thin curtains. Rowan was only required to stay one night, just to monitor his head injury to make sure it didn’t get any worse, but he was free to go home the next day. Or, to her apartment really, which she also wasn’t complaining about.

Elide had come back once that evening, just to drop off some things for Elia. She’d offered to take Elia home with her to watch her overnight, but Aelin hadn’t wanted to let her out of her sight. Not when she could still feel the lingering feeling of panic coursing through her veins.

Aelin sighed quietly, her fingers tracing lightly over Rowan’s chest, so she could feel it when he jolted slightly, his eyes popping open with a sharp intake of breath. His gaze frantically searched the room, only relaxing when he saw Elia and her laying right there with him. She sat up slightly.

“Are you okay?” She whispered. He squeezed his eyes shut, but then opened them, nodding. 

“Just a bad dream,” he admitted, and she moved her hand to comb through his hair, trying to comfort him like he did for her. 

“A dream of a memory?” She teased, a throwback to one of their first meaningful conversations, but she wasn’t expecting it when he nodded minutely again. That was when she noticed the tension lining his handsome face, the anxiety only evident through the clenched jaw and the wild eyes. Her smile fell. “Hey,” she said, reaching a hand down to cup his cheek. “What happened?”

Rowan loosed a heavy sigh, his green eyes falling closed again. His hand curved around her waist tightly, as if he needed a reminder that she was still there, that Elia was still there. 

“Rowan,” Aelin breathed, her thumb caressing his cheekbone. His normally stable exterior was crumbling, and it was hurting her heart. “You know you can talk to me, right?” He was always there for her, she hoped he knew she was there for him.

“Of course,” he replied automatically, “I know that. It’s just-” His voice was tight with tension. “I-”

She didn’t speak, giving him time to work through what he was going to say. 

But then his eyes shuttered, his grip on her loosening. “Nevermind,” he said, clearing his throat and changing the subject. “When do I get out of here?” He asked, his tilted smile revealing its joking nature. “I’m a little tired of cuddling with you on a hospital bed.”

Aelin frowned at his dismissal, at his evasion, but there wasn’t much she could do about it. She wouldn’t ever force him to discuss something he wasn’t comfortable with, as much as she wanted him to. Was this the bad thing that everyone had been alluding to? 

A troubling feeling in her gut told her it was, but instead of confronting him about it, she just leaned up and pressed a kiss to his cheek, answering his question. “The nurse said tomorrow, at around noon, once your checks are done.” 

“Thank Mala,” Rowan said quietly, conscious of Elia, but Aelin snorted. 

“Thank me,” she corrected. “They wanted to keep you another day but I convinced them you would be fine.” She raised a brow. “You will be fine, right? You won’t keel over dead on me?” Her wit earned her a quiet chuckle.

“No, I won’t,” he confirmed, smiling at her softly. “I’m not eager to be back here, so I'll be in perfect health.” 

“Because that’s how that works,” she teased and he nodded.

“Yep.” Aelin chuckled, laying her head back down in his neck to cuddle closer. “I have an appointment tomorrow I can’t miss, anyways,” he continued, “so I promise to be on my best behavior and not injure myself anymore.”

Her smile faded. “An appointment with Maeve?” She asked hesitantly, her stomach sinking. She’d successfully put the internship out of her mind, but if he was in the process of accepting it…

But he adamantly shook his head. “No. I’m done with that. No more early meetings.”

Her gut sank even more. He must’ve already accepted it. “So when do you move?” She started to ask, when Elia whined and shifted, interrupting her. She cleared her throat, sitting up to reach for her as she wiggled more, clearly disrupted by the adults’ voices. 

“Shh, baby,” Aelin whispered, sitting on the edge of the bed and holding her daughter close. She rubbed a soothing hand up and down her back. “Go back to sleep, everything’s alright.” Elia blinked slowly, her turquoise eyes wide, the gold core hazy with sleepiness. As Aelin kept brushing her back, over the little sleepsuit she’d donned, those turquoise eyes fluttered shut. Aelin wanted to lay back down, but she didn’t dare disturb her daughter, choosing to hold Elia to her chest comfortably instead.

A mother first, a girlfriend second. Rowan understood. 

It was a lesson she didn’t think she’d have to learn by the ripe age of 21, but it was an important one nonetheless.

Quiet fell over the hospital room, only filled by the beeping of the machines and the soft murmurings from Aelin as she gently rocked her daughter to sleep. Until Rowan broke the peace, quietly saying words that made her heart stop.

“I turned down the offer,” he admitted, and she froze. “I’m not going anywhere.” Turning slowly to look at him, Aelin’s eyes were wide with hesitant hope, which he confirmed with a small smile. “You’re stuck with me.”

A shuddering breath escaped her and she couldn’t stop herself from leaning in to kiss him. It was a short, gentle kiss, but it conveyed more than she could say, without saying the words she was afraid to admit.

“You better get some sleep,” she said instead, raising her brows. “It’s late, you’re injured. Some rest would do you good.” He chuckled, and it rattled through her bones.

“Who’s fussy now?” He teased, and she smirked.

“Don’t act like you don’t like it.” Her voice was purposefully haughty, and with another grin she turned back to her daughter.

“I like everything about you,” Rowan added from behind her, and her cheeks flamed. She heard the bedsheets move as he sat up, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to her shoulder. Aelin’s eyes fluttered close at the loving touch.

So different from any touch she’d ever known.

She looked over her shoulder, her eyes soft. “Get some sleep.”

------------

Aelin walked around like a ghost the rest of the day, once Lysandra left, wandering the house in her silk robe and barefeet, not even settling herself down in the library. She’d found herself trailing her eyes over the pages of the book she’d been trying to read, instead of actually digesting them, so she’d put it aside in favor of staring out the window for an indeterminable amount of time.

The nausea had blissfully faded, but the deep deep dread that nausea had created had stuck around far longer.

Aelin hadn’t gotten her period that month, but that was nothing new. It’d been many months since the last time she’d bled, since she’d had to stay curled up in bed because of cramps instead of leaving it as quickly as possible. 

Stress, malnutrition, physical trauma. All things that could put a pause on her period. But here was another. 

Was she pregnant?

There’d certainly been enough chances for her to be, she could easily admit. But she was a little surprised, if she was honest. She’d thought she was infertile.

Her mother had practically been, one of the main reasons Aelin was an only child. And at the rate she’d been - well - doing what one does to get pregnant, she’d thought it’d just never happen.

Because she didn’t think Arobynn had ever once used protection.

That had never been a concern of hers, even if it should’ve been a red flag, but now it suddenly seemed important.

Her hand unconsciously drifted to her stomach as she trailed down the hallway, eventually slowing to a stop at the window that overlooked the giant backyard. The house was in Rifthold, and technically still in the city, but it was enough of the way out to be able to find and purchase a good amount of land. 

It was expensive as hell, but he was more concerned with privacy than with cost. 

And as she looked out to the endless woods bordering the curated lawn, she felt that privacy more than ever. There was no one within reach, no one nearby. No one she could get to without leaving this gilded cage.

No one but her to protect herself and her child, if she was in fact pregnant. 

How would he even react? Aelin had long ago discarded the hope for a normal life, for a normal marriage. She knew it wouldn’t be the same as any other couple, who were happy together, and were hoping for another person to bring them even more happiness. 

There’d be no sweet announcement, no tears of joy, no love. 

Her eyes fluttered closed, her hand scrunching in the delicate material of her nightgown. But then she dropped her hand.  The cameras were on, she needed to be careful. Except… they weren’t on, because Arobynn was in his home office, on a conference call that she was “absolutely not to disturb”. But still.

Her eyes popped open, and she turned away from the window, choosing to meander - somewhere.

On the outside she looked as lifeless as she always did, but on the inside, her mind was racing. Because she knew he wouldn’t be happy.

So what the fuck was she supposed to do.

Aelin’s hands started shaking, and she headed toward the stairs, trailing down the sharp, icy marble to get to the kitchen for a glass of water. No one was in there, so she just grabbed a glass herself, pouring water from the sink into it. 

She took a cold sip as she wandered back out of the kitchen, headed for the large, open living room. It was huge, with a giant flat screen TV on the wall and three stories worth of ceiling height. But it wasn’t luxurious, it was suffocating.

The walls were stark, the furniture was stiff, the corners of everything were sharp, and one hard fall on the marble floor wouldn’t be something to easily walk away from. 

It was no place to raise a child.

“Mrs. Hamel?” A voice asked, “are you okay?” Aelin blinked back to reality, realizing she’d been standing in the middle of the living room staring at nothing, and turned quickly to meet a pair of brown eyes. She blinked again.

It was the new chauffeur. S- something. Sal? Simpson? Smith? She didn’t remember.

And he was still waiting for an answer. 

She shook her head dismissively. “I’m fine,” she lied, “but thank you for your concern.” He was by the open front door, like he was waiting for someone. Arobynn was probably going out somewhere.

“Are you sure?” He asked, “Do you need anything?”

“Just some more sleep that’s all,” she parroted off, a practiced smile on her face. “I woke up on the wrong side of the bed this morning.” His warm brown eyes narrowed, like he could sense her bullshit, but he didn’t call her out on it, just lifting off his cap and running a hand through his brown hair. Like he was waiting for her to concede.

When she didn’t say anything, and the silence grew uncomfortable, he nodded his head. “Have a good day then, ma’a-”

“Wait,” she interrupted, stepping toward him carefully. A quick glance toward the stairs revealed no movement, so she dared risk the next statement. “Do you think you can stop by the store for me later?” She whispered, just in case. The chauffeur raised a brow, but nodded slowly. This close to him, she could see his eyes better, and something in them made her want to trust him. “Do you have a piece of paper?” 

He narrowed his brows this time, but took out a notepad from his jacket, producing a pen as well and gave it to her. Aelin took it, and quickly scrawled down what she needed.

It was a risk, no matter how kind he looked, but she didn’t have many choices. He was the only one who regularly left and came back, and the only one who’d even attempted to ask if she was okay. She had to try.

He took the paper from her and shoved it in his jacket just as heavy footsteps sounded on the stairs. Panic shot through her like a bullet and she straightened up, spine locking as she rationalized her next move. 

She could hear his booming voice giving harsh commands, so she assumed he was still on a phone call, and used the distraction to slip through the nearby entrance to the front room. Leaving the chauffeur at the front to deal with him. 

Cautiously, she watched through the hallway mirror as Arobynn stormed out the open front door, not even looking at the chauffeur as he closed the door behind them. But not before shooting Aelin a wink.

A whisper of a real smile graced her lips and she lifted a hand to it, leaning against the wall. But then her restless stomach turned once again and the smile fell as she remembered what exactly was going on.

Well, whatever happened, only time would tell.

--------

Lorcan showed up at the hospital the next day to drive them home. Aelin appreciated the gesture, they’d have to take public transportation otherwise, or walk, which wasn’t ideal in the wintery weather. Simply because Rowan’s car was totaled, he had an arm in a sling and couldn’t drive anyway, and Aelin had never learned to drive, so sticking her behind the wheel of a car was just asking to get in another wreck.

She technically had a shift later that day at Mistward, but Emrys had made her stay home, which is what really let her know he was feeling guilty. Even though it wasn’t the man’s fault at all. No, the blame lied with one person alone. 

But the guilt meant she got to stay with Rowan and Elia, and was able to help him get himself situated back in her apartment. Practically their apartment now.

She’d never felt as comfortable with another person as she did with Rowan, and it was the only real time she’d been eager to share space with someone, just for the simple fact that she never wanted to be anywhere he wasn’t. 

And she wouldn’t have to be, because he wasn’t going anywhere. 

The thought kept a smile on her face despite everything else that was working against her. Sure her vengeful husband had forcibly run her current boyfriend off the side of the road - but - said boyfriend wasn’t moving halfway across the globe anymore, he was staying right by her side. You win some, you lose some. Oh well.

It wasn’t oh well, but Aelin really didn’t want to think about the ticking clock that was counting down to something she didn’t know yet. So instead, she leaned over and kissed Rowan on the cheek, resting her head on his shoulder as he used his uninjured arm to stack three blocks back on top of each other. 

Elia waited patiently, and when he let go of the stack, she giggled, leaning forward and knocking it over. Like she’d done four times already, taking advantage of Rowan’s never ending patience when it came to her.

“You’re turn, Ellie,” he said, pushing the blocks toward her. They were all sitting on the living room floor, the two of them leaning against the couch while Elia was sitting with her little legs in front of her, her tiny little hands grasping for the blocks. With a lot of fumbling, she managed to get one on top of the other, but the third one made the whole pile fall. Aelin laughed at her daughter’s disgruntled expression.

With a determination that Aelin recognized in herself, Elia grabbed the blocks again, as if unwilling to go another second without trying to figure out how to stack them. 

“That expression’s familiar,” Rowan murmured, mirroring her own thoughts, and Aelin hummed, lifting her face to rest her chin on his shoulder instead. He was already looking her way, and her movement brought their faces inches apart.

“She’s a workaholic,” she teased, “just like her mother.” Her boyfriend chuckled.

“Don’t I know it,” he said with a grin, and she pinched his arm. 

“Rude,” she admonished, and he just shrugged, knocking her chin off of his shoulder and earning a scowl. She shoved him a little with her own shoulder, only regretting it when she saw him wince. “I’m sorry,” she said automatically, her brows furrowed. “I shouldn’t have done that. You’re ribs-” her hands fluttered around him, unsure what to do.

“It’s fine,” he said, his voice tense with pain. She frowned.

“It’s not fine,” she corrected, pushing herself to a stand. “Let me get you some Advil.” He tried to grumble a protest, but she ignored him, heading to the kitchen to grab him some water and the bottle of pills she kept high in a cabinet. Just in case Elia somehow decided she could open doors and figure out child proof lids. 

When she came back into the living room, sitting down with her legs crossed under her, she didn’t let him argue as she held up two pills to his mouth, waiting for him to open it before following it with the water. He looked like a petulant toddler, but he didn’t fight her, so she didn’t have to pull out her super mom skills, like she did whenever Elia was sick and would throw a tantrum instead of taking her medicine.

She doubted Rowan would like the comparison. She was tempted to tell him, just to see what he’d say, but he spoke before she could.

“Aelin…” he started, and she pursed her lips, knowing where the conversation was going. She just closed the pill bottle instead of looking at him, focusing on anything but the incoming words. “We need to do something.”

She squeezed the bottle in her hands. “About what.” Her voice was tense, but not in anger.

“You know what,” he said softly, but not as gently as his words sometimes were. She didn’t say anything in response. “Elia was almost hurt this time,” he prodded, and she snapped.

“You think I don’t know that?” She said tightly, her voice as electric as a high wire. But not loud enough to disturb the girl in question. “You think I don’t know how dangerous this situation is? How dangerous he is?” Her eyes were cold as she stared at him. “I left for a reason, Rowan, I’m not living in some delusion here.”

He straightened at the invisible challenge in his words. “We can’t just sit here and wait for something else to happen.” 

“What do you propose we do.” Her tone was icy flat. “Did the restraining order not show you? Did the phone call not show you? Did the car crash not show you?” She shook her head, her voice breaking further apart with every sentence, her gaze falling over to Elia.

Rowan shifted to face her, grabbing her hand with his uninjured one. “We’ll run away,” he said, and her eyes flew back to him in shock. “We’ll find someplace so far away he can’t find us.”

“That’s what I thought I did,” she said weakly. “There’s nothing to do.” 

“Stop it,” he said suddenly, and she furrowed her brows.

“What?”

“Stop it,” he repeated, shaking his head. “I don’t know who’s speaking right now but this is not my girlfriend.” She opened her mouth but he kept going. “Aelin Galathynius would never give up like this. Not with her daughter on the line, and especially not to that asshole. So I don’t know who you are, but I’d like her back.”

Her mouth opened and closed like a fish, but eventually she stopped, a sigh escaping her.

“I don’t know what to do,” she said, and Rowan squeezed her hand once. 

“We’ll figure it out together,” he offered, and when she nodded he lifted her hand to press a quick kiss to it. “To whatever end.”

“To whatever end.”

----------

Aelin’s hands were shaking as she opened the box, pulling out the little plastic pregnancy test. She was safe up in the guest bathroom she’d taken to using, with no cameras on since Arobynn was still home. He was leaving again later that evening, but for now, she had a few minutes of semi-privacy.

She’d gotten the test from the chauffeur, Arobynn distracted on another work call. She was lucky really, that work had been so busy lately, though she wondered if that had anything to do with what she’d heard him and Tern discussing that one day months ago.

An issue that big didn’t seem like it’d go away that quickly, though what did she know really. Nothing, as Arobynn liked to point out.

Clutching the test in her hand, she did what she needed to do, before setting it on the counter and pacing back and forth. Just a few minutes, and then she’d have to make a huge life altering decision.

A decision she wasn’t sure she could make. 

Because she wanted this child, if there was one. She’d always wanted kids, and that desire hadn’t stopped, no matter the situation she’d ended up in. But not only was this a terrible place to raise a child in, she didn’t even know if she’d be allowed to keep it.

And that was her worst nightmare.

Not just being forced to get rid of her baby, but being forced to watch as they grew up in this cold environment, as they dealt with a cold father who hit their mother and would maybe even hit them. No. She refused.

If it was just her being hurt, she could handle that. The bathtub next to her said otherwise, but the fact that she was still here contradicted that once again. She deserved the pain, she got herself into this situation, it was her fault. But the baby inside of her… it was innocent. It didn’t deserve this hellhole. 

And it’d be her job to get it out.

She loosed a shaky breath, her nail digging into her hand as she fought to keep her heart rate down and her vomit in her stomach. When an appropriate amount of time had passed, she took tiny, careful footsteps closer to the counter, afraid of what she might find.

But when she looked down, she couldn’t keep the vomit in anymore, crouching down by the toilet once more.

She was pregnant.

Chapter Text

The next couple of weeks felt like some sort of limbo, like she was biding time until something happened. She didn’t know what that something was, but she could feel it coming, like the way you could feel a storm coming before it hit.

Aelin knew Rowan could feel it too, if the way his jaw was constantly tense, the way his eyes were either always on her or on Elia, or the way he’d started looking up vacation rentals in Akkadia were any indication. Winter break, that’s what she’d agreed to.

Just up and running away hadn’t been realistic, but she’d agreed to go spend winter break far away with him, just to see if they felt safer there. Just to see if moving was even something to consider. Aelin didn’t think it was, but she couldn’t deny that his hopefulness had sprung a little bit of hope in her too. And a whole lot of emotion.

He was willing to give up everything here to protect her, and protect Elia, with no hesitation at all. There was no one else like him, she was sure of it. 

Which was why she agreed on vacation. She just had to make it to winter break.

Aelin pulled on her thick coat, a nervous breath escaping her. It was almost winter break, she just had a few roadblocks along the way. Meaning: exams. Well, one exam really. She’d finished her others the day before, leaving just one left.

She was almost done with her first semester in college, a realization that struck a chord with her. Failing grades throughout high school, a diploma only given from pity, all the way to a semester at a prestigious university ending almost in all A’s. 

Almost was the key word. She had a C in statistics at the moment, and she couldn’t go any lower than that and still pass. But, she was hopeful for the final, she and Rowan had been using his recuperation time to study, and she was pretty confident that she was going to do well. 

He’d been studying for his own exams too, bouncing back and forth to class, to review sessions, back to the apartment to watch Elia, while in a sling the whole time. It’d made transportation difficult, but always endlessly amusing seeing Rowan have to figure out the bus system for the first time. 

It wasn’t feasible to walk in this bitter cold, especially on the days where the ground was icy, so Aelin had started taking the bus again too, even if she preferred her own two feet. 

She’d been home with Elia one day when Rowan had trudged in, looking like a lost puppy. He’d proceeded to complain about being twenty minutes late for class because the bus had been late. She’d just laughed at him and proceeded to tell him that “the 21 bus is always late because the driver was too sympathetic and waits longer at every stop for the stragglers, but the 56 bus is always early because the driver thinks by speeding he’ll get to his lunch break faster.” And most importantly… “ the 142 bus is usually on time, but on Thursdays the main road closes for construction so the bus route is messed up.” 

Her boyfriend had taken in the information with wide eyes, and she’d laughed and kissed away the funny expression, unable to resist teasing him. 

He was just so cute sometimes, what else was she supposed to do?

This time though, Rowan was braving the bus system with her by his side. She had her statistics final that afternoon, and he had his managerial accounting final at the same time, just in a different building. The differences between their classes was astounding, but that’s what she got for being three grades behind him.

On the way to campus, she was dropping Elia off at Mistward. It was the first time she’d let her out of her sight since the car crash, saying a metaphorical fuck you to Maeve by bringing her into class. But as much as she wanted to, she couldn’t take her daughter to her final with her, so she was entrusting her to Emrys once more.

And as much as she wanted to trust Elide and Lorcan, she’d known Emrys for longer, and as backwards as it seemed, a public place was almost better for her at this point. Away from everyone, who knew what could happen? Who could show up? At Mistward, Elia would be surrounded by people, she’d be safe.

Another reason it was a big day, especially for Rowan, was that his sling finally came off. His rips were still healing, and the cut on his head was likely to scar, but he’d finally have his free range of motion back. Just in time for exams.

“Are you ready to go?” A familiar voice asked her, his tone warm even with a hint of his own nerves. She nodded as she turned to look over her shoulder, smiling tightly at him.

“As ready as I’ll ever be,” she said through gritted teeth, before turning her attention to his arm. “Are you ready?” A real smile graced his face as he reached with his uninjured arm to pull off the sling, tossing it to the side with a dramatic flourish. 

“It’s already been two weeks but I was ready to take that off the moment it went on,” he said, and she chuckled, shaking her head as she reached for Elia’s coat. Rowan slipped his own on as she moved to where her daughter sat, tucking her little body into the warm fabric and lifting her up into her arms. 

“At least you can drive us home,” she said with a teasing smile, grabbing her hat off the coat rack. “You only have to deal with the devil that is public transportation one more time.” Rowan let out a small snort, grabbing his own hat. Lorcan had a test after Rowan’s, so he’d agreed to let him take his car. 

Their apartment was back to normal, had been for weeks now, but Lorcan was still staying with Elide. And Rowan was still with her, so it was empty. It was pretty much understood that when the lease was up, they wouldn’t be resigning. 

With one hand, Aelin pulled her beanie on her head, tucking her hair behind her ears. Rowan pulled his own on, his silvery hair flattening adorably around his head. She reached up and smoothed it back, brushing her hand along his forehead until it was combed flat.

“There,” she said, smiling, “now you’re ready.” Rowan chuckled, shaking his head, but went to unlock the door. “Let’s go kick some ass.”

--------

Mistward was busy that day, despite the cold weather outside. As Aelin and Rowan walked into the building, with Elia in tow, the hustling and bustling of the patrons, and the long line, made her blink, wondering if maybe Emrys was too busy for this. 

But a glance behind the counter showed him, Luca, and Malakai working, even though Malakai wasn’t technically an employee. And when Emrys spotted them, he broke into a bright grin, gesturing them to come closer.

Aelin stopped hesitating and followed, lifting up the portion of the counter to slip behind into the back. Rowan followed. 

“Hello, sweetheart,” Emrys cooed to Elia, and the little girl made a similar noise in response, excited to see the old man. Aelin hesitantly passed her over, frowning when she left her arms. Her daughter was safe with her , she could guarantee that. With everything going on… she couldn’t say the same for anywhere else.

But she let Emys take her nonetheless, and Rowan’s gloved hand slipped into hers, squeezing it once. 

“Well, have fun you two,” Aelin said, pasting a smile on her face. Winter break. She just needed to get to Winter break. Then they’d have a giant Yulemas celebration, just the three of them holed up in a cabin somewhere. Just a little bit longer until then. Just until after this exam.

She leaned in and pressed a big smacking kiss to her daughter’s forehead, earning her a giggle. “Bye baby,” she said, “be good for Emrys alright? He has work to do.” Elia just blinked, her nose wrinkling as Aelin kissed that too. “Are you sure about this?” She asked, directing it at Emrys. He just waved a hand dismissively.

“We’ll be fine,” he insisted, “go take your exam.”

Aelin nodded once, squeezed Rowan’s hand, and then waved as she headed back out toward the door. She was practically shaking with anxiety as they started walking down the sidewalk. Mistward was close enough to campus to make the rest of the trek on foot.

“Are you alright?” Rowan murmured a few minutes later. “I can practically feel you freaking out.” She nodded unconvincingly. “You’re going to kill this exam, you know that.” She nodded again, her lips pressed together. “But that’s not what this is about, is it?”

Aelin stared ahead of her, but shook her head minutely, and Rowan stopped where they were, turning her to look at him. She met his green eyes, instantly feeling steadier. “Winter break,” he said softly, smoothing back a stray piece of hair and tucking it behind her ear. “Okay?”

She let out a heavy sigh. “Winter break.”

Her boyfriend leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead, and her eyes fluttered closed, her hands gripping the front of his coat. 

“Now we better go,” he said, after a moment. “We have finals to kick ass on.” She chuckled, looking up and smiling at the light in his eyes. He looked almost back to normal, the only signs of the car accident not on the surface. 

Two car accidents, four people she loved. But at least two of them had come home with her, not leaving her alone in this miserable existence.

She shoved aside the dark thoughts, leaning her head against Rowan’s arm as they continued walking down the street. 

She was going to ace this stats final, and then she was finally going to give herself a chance to relax.

----------

Paying attention to what went on around her took more energy than Aelin thought it would. Somewhere inside of her she knew it was barely a drop in the great sea of effort to everyone else, but having gotten used to barely existing at all, she found it difficult to plunge back into her reserves to really understand her surroundings.

It was necessary though. And after a day of her new attitude, she realized how much she didn’t know.

She didn’t know who all the workers in the house were, beyond the chauffeur and the chef who gave her her meals, though those were always dictated by Arobynn. The amount of them too. She didn’t know where she got her clothes from, or who made them, but she did know who picked them out. Arobynn.

And most importantly: she didn’t know where he kept his money.

That was the first problem she ran into in her unofficial planning/scouting. If she did choose to leave, she couldn’t get anywhere without money. Certainly not far enough away, because she knew he’d come blazing across the globe for her, if only for the slight. 

So she’d have to be careful. And she’d have to be prepared. And she’d have to use the intelligence she knew was hiding somewhere under the year’s worth of burying everything she’d ever been to become everything he wanted her to be. 

Aelin searched for it as she sipped on a glass of water, practically melting back into the cushions of the booth at the swanky restaurant they were eating at. It was the first time she’d left the house in a long time, and she hadn’t been prepared for the socializing she’d have to do with the few of his coworkers who were going with them, but turns out once again she didn’t need to talk much, she wasn’t allowed to talk much. So she disappeared into her own head, only smiling when she needed to, and slowly sipping on the glass of water.

Nineteen year olds didn’t drink.

Not that she would anyway, not anymore. 

It was tempting to slide her free hand to her stomach, to feel the invisible changes along the still flat skin. She’d disposed of the pregnancy test the only way she could think of, by flushing it down the toilet. No harm, no foul. No one had to know. No one would know.

The dress she was wearing certainly wouldn’t hide it if she was showing yet, not with the way it hugged her curves. Or would hug her curves, if she had them. She was all bones and sharp angles now, and the silky fabric hugged those as if it were a second skin. It was cut modestly, though, which offset the scandalousness, and gave it a more upscale look that was perfect for a dinner with colleagues.

She was itching to get back to the house, something she never thought she’d say. But it was true, for a few reasons. 

She could plan better there, she could scout around and try and find out where some money was, she could - hide. 

She felt drained, simply from being outside of the house, she was ready to go hole up and pretend nothing else in the world existed once again. 

So Aelin was grateful when the end of the night came, and she saw Arobynn reach into his suit jacket and pull out his patent leather wallet. In a show of graciousness, he didn’t let the other two men pay, charming not only them but the wives they’d brought along, and slid his sleek black credit card to the other side of the table, along with the check.

Her eyes were glued on the wallet, on the lack of cash inside. It didn’t surprise her too much, he wasn’t the type to trifle with cash if he didn’t need to, but it just put another dent in her plans.

There was one other place she could look. One other place where he might keep money. Because she didn’t expect him to have no cash at all, just none that he carried with him. 

She’d seen hundred dollar bills floating around the house before, money he’d given her to go on a supervised shopping spree, like a kid getting allowance to go buy ice cream. It was money he’d be fine to throw away, just like he’d throw away whatever she bought because he wasn’t there to buy it for her, just needed something for her to amuse herself with.

He’d stopped caring about that.

But there was one place she’d seen him grab that money from. One place left to check.

His office.

-----------

She didn’t dare turn the light on. 

It was too dark outside, too dark in the house, to risk even a little bit of illumination. So she padded to the door carefully, walking on the tips of her toes to avoid making as much noise as possible. She turned the knob slowly, making sure the door didn’t creak as she pushed it open and slipped inside. 

She’d thought about it and decided not to shut it behind her. Just in case someone found her inside, she could more easily make up an excuse for being in there than she could with the door closed.

Aelin had slipped out of bed just past two in the morning, when Arobynn had been dead asleep next to her. His arm had been thrown over her waist, his skin touching too much of hers, but she’d been able to escape his old easily, just replacing her own frail body with a pillow.

Leaving her to do this.

She padded over to the shelves on the side first, scanning them once her eyes adjusted to the dark. There was nothing there but a few boxes of files, a stack of classic books that she knew he’d never opened, even one of those pendulum things with the line of silver balls, like it was straight out of a catalog for office supplies, yet with the hint of luxury and wealth that set it above everyone else.

On the other side of the room, there was a table sitting under a window, moonlight streaming in. There was a decanter on it, with a set of whiskey glasses on the right, and some sort of modern sculpture thing that she’d never understood. It was art, supposedly, something she used to admire about him. 

It felt lifeless now.

His desk was there in the center of the room, with his chair behind it, and his laptop laying on top. She’d wondered before at him bothering to leave it out, but she also knew it was probably so encrypted she’d never be able to get the password. And why would he think she’d try to get into his laptop anyway? She’d given no signs of it.

It was the set of drawers behind his chair that she headed toward, pulling open the top one carefully. Jackpot.

There, sitting in the dark drawer, was an envelope. It was surrounded by other papers that she didn’t have the industry knowledge to understand, but she could understand money. And when she opened the envelope, it was money she found.

A tiny triumphant smile graced her lips, but she forced herself to tuck the money back in the envelope and slide it back down, pushing the drawer softly closed.

In perfect timing too, because right then, the light flicked on.

A gasp escaped her and she turned around quickly, her shock turning into utter dread when she beheld the figure in the doorway.

“What are you doing in here?” Arobynn asked, his voice silky smooth and flat. Aelin tried to straighten, to look composed, but her eyes fell straight to the ground, to the ornate carpet he’d had to replace only a few months ago. Blood was a hard stain to scrub out.

“I thought I dropped my bracelet in here earlier,” she lied, gathering the strength from the promise of a future in her stomach to reply. Earlier. After the dinner, when she was being jostled around enough to lose a piece of jewelry.

“And it couldn’t wait until morning?” He asked, an auburn brow raised. She couldn’t see it, but she could feel it in his voice.

“I couldn’t sleep,” she said, her voice falling to practically a whisper. 

“Couldn’t sleep,” he said slowly, like he was trying to understand. “Hm.” He prowled closer, she could see his footsteps on the very same spot her blood had splattered.

“Yes,” she said weakly. He stopped moving when he was right in front of her, and she stared forward at his chest, not daring to look up. Even when he grabbed her chin, forcing her head up, she looked over his shoulder at the wall behind him. At the artwork hung there.

It felt out of place almost, in the minimalistic room, yet it somehow fit. It was a shadow box frame, with several dead butterflies pinned to the back of it, forever doomed to eternity spent as something to gawk at. Something to possess.

It’d always disturbed her. 

“Look at me,” he hissed, and she finally did, her eyes snapping to his cold gray ones. At the violence promised there.

And that one look settled everything for her. 

She needed to get out. And she needed to do it fucking fast.

-----------

When Aelin clicked submit on her exam, it was like a giant weight was lifted off of her shoulders. Not the whole weight, but part of it, like instead of carrying the whole world, she was carrying just a few continents.

But it was still a relief as she closed her old laptop, sliding it into her bag and leaving the room for the last time. It’d glitched in the middle of the exam, giving her a heart attack, but she’d managed to finish it with no more technical difficulties, and had glided through the rest of it. She felt good about it, really good. 

She was excited to tell Rowan.

So excited she was practically skipping as she headed out to the hallway, smiling when she found him already waiting for her.

“Hey” He greeted quietly, a nervous smile on his own face as she walked closer. “How’d it go-”

She didn’t waste another second before grabbing him by his stupidly cute beanie and tugging him down for a heated kiss. He paused for a moment, shocked, but then started kissing her back, his lips warm and addicting against hers.

She moved her mouth against his, deepening the kiss, and he followed suit, holding her tight against him in the middle of the hallway. 

In the middle of the hallway.

Aelin pulled back, smiling sheepishly. “It went well,” was all she said, and he grinned, stealing another kiss.

“I’m glad,” he said, dropping his hand to hold hers as they started walking down the hallway. “I got the car from Lorcan already, so we’re all set to go get Elia.”

“Perfect,” she said, swinging their hands back and forth like a little kid, earning a soft chuckle from him. “And then we’re on break.” 

Rowan’s free hand snaked out to grab hers, pressing a kiss to it. “Yes we are.”

A peace settled over her, a kind of warmth setting in her heart, and she let out a small sigh. Not of fear, not of exhaustion, but of happiness.

They stayed silent on the walk to the car, without much to say, but when they both got in the car, the heat turned on and the doors shut, Rowan reached into the back where he’d put his bag. She watched as he dug in the pocket, pulling out a tiny nondescript drawstring bag.

“What’s that?” She asked, curious, as he sat back in his seat. He looked nervous as hell as he handed it to her.

“It’s for you,” was all he said, and she took it hesitantly, eying him as she opened the bag. And her heart melted.

“Oh,” she said softly, pulling a silver chain out of the bag. A silver chain, with a beautiful fire pendant on the end. It was subtle, but still shined with glimmering reds, oranges, and yellows, like the pure heart of flame. Fireheart. “It’s beautiful,” she whispered, staring at it for another moment before looking over at him. “When did you get this?”

“I saw it online and was going to pick it up the day of the crash,” Rowan explained, “but because of extenuating circumstances I picked it up the day after instead.” He smiled softly. “It reminded me of you.” Tears pricked her eyes, her gaze returning to the mesmerizing flame. “Do you want me to put it on?”

She nodded, handing it to him and turning so she was facing away from him. She sniffed back her tears as he unclasped it, moving it around her neck and clasping it again. Ever so gently, he pulled her hair out of its hold, leaning forward to press a soft kiss to the skin of her neck. Aelin turned to look at him, her eyes watering with emotion, and he smiled back at her, emotion filling his face too.

“Now let’s go get our girl,” he said, and she smiled again, turning to sit properly in the seat as Rowan put the car in reverse, pulling out of the parking spot.

And as they drove, her heart glowed with that secret, soft word.

Our. 

--------

Aelin first noticed something was wrong when they pulled into the cafe parking lot, noticing no other cars taking up the few spaces available. 

The lights were still on inside, but the windows were too tinted to see anyone inside. If there was anyone inside. But there should be, Mistward was still open, it was only late afternoon.

Her smile faded to nothing, every nerve in her body electrified as she slowly stepped out of the car. She couldn’t even feel the cold anymore, not as a feeling of deep deep dread replaced every other possible sense there was. 

Something was wrong. Something was very wrong. 

“Aelin-” Rowan said cautiously, like he could feel it in the air too. 

Her heart started pounding in her chest, a weird mix of adrenaline flowing through her, like her body couldn’t decide between fight or flight. 

She could hear her blood rushing through her ears, every breath sounding like a pant as she took slow steps toward the door, the icy crunch beneath her boots like the Earth itself was shattering. 

Elia was in there, that’s all she could think. Elia was in there, and she needed to get to her. She needed to get to her daughter.

Aelin vaguely heard Rowan tracing after her, his presence normally steadying but feeling like absolutely nothing over the utter terror piercing her heart. 

Each second passed like a million years, every vessel on her body as on fire as the necklace around her neck. Thousands of alarms were ringing in her head, warning her this was bad, she needed to leave, this wasn’t safe. But she ignored them all as she shakily reached for the handle of the door. The door she walked through practically every day, the door that had offered safety, security, a future. A door that now only offered doom.

She tugged on the door, pulling it open slowly, even that familiar chime doing absolutely nothing to calm her down. Especially when her eyes landed on Emrys, sitting at a table, tears on his cheeks. When he saw her, he started shaking his head.

“I’m so sorry, Aelin,” he said, “I couldn’t stop it-” he continued blustering apologies, but she couldn’t hear them anymore, not as she took one step further into the cafe, the rest of the room now opening to her. 

And she stopped in her tracks, every single feeling in her emptying into a pit of nothingness.

Because there was her daughter, looking perfectly calm and normal, but not safe. Never safe. Not when she was in the arms of the devil himself.

And then that devil opened his mouth, speaking words she’d heard many times. Words that meant there’d be no winter vacation, there’d be no Yulemas, there’d be nothing normal anymore. Words that meant everything was changing once again.

“Hello darling.”

Chapter Text

The ground had opened up beneath her, swallowing her up in its dark, icy grip. Instead of her feet being planted on the tile of the cafe, they were suspended in a free fall, as she slid down into that hot core of hell.

There was no way this was real. It couldn’t be.

He couldn’t be sitting in front of her, looking as relaxed as ever, with his face twisted in amusement with a pinch of disdain at the cafe around them. He couldn’t be holding her fucking daughter, keeping her out of Aelin’s reach and in a far more dangerous one. 

Gods. Gods. 

Her ears were ringing, the world mixing around her like she was going to pass out, the colors swirling and twirling like some psychedelic vision. Her heart pounded in her chest, drumming a beat like a soldier marching toward his death.

Breathe. She needed to breathe.

She opened her mouth to inhale a lungful of air, and in that motion, the hazy world she was in snapped into clarity, bringing her right back into real life.

Fuck.

“This is an interesting establishment you’ve found yourself working in,” Arobynn said, his voice dripping with condescension, either not noticing or not caring about the panic she’d just gone through. Probably the latter.

Aelin wasn’t meeting his eyes, she just stared straight at Elia, as if she could will her safety with just her gaze. She could feel Rowan step up behind her, not touching her, but standing close enough to where she could feel his presence, offering steady support. Also close enough to stake a claim, to state his own presence to the man lounging in the middle of the room, to not let himself be looked over. 

Our. 

He was just as worried about Elia as she was.

“Emrys,” she said, turning her gaze to the distraught man. She kept her voice as steady as possible, even if she was barely keeping the shakes at bay. “You can leave now, let me deal with this.” He looked like he was going to argue, but Arobynn didn’t protest either, satisfied now that his real prey was here. 

So Emrys stood carefully from his chair, eying everyone carefully as he walked toward the door. He opened his mouth to say something just as he pushed the exit open, but she shook her head minutely. Wisely, he just closed it and left, leaving the four of them alone.

The door slamming shut was like a switch being flipped, and the tension in the room spiked by tenfold. Aelin steeled herself and turned her gaze, trailing across the door, the wall of windows revealing the icy day outside, to the low tables and couches in the corner, finally to the one table that mattered.

Blue eyes met gray, and suddenly it was like nothing had changed. 

No matter how many years had passed, she was back to that girl who’d first been enthralled by that gaze, and then been cowered by it, who’d thought she finally found love before she realized she’d only found cruelty.

And he knew it too, if the way his mouth curled into a smirk was any indication. 

Her gut sank as he opened that same mouth, but the words weren’t directed at her.

“Rowan Whitethorn,” he crooned, relaxing back in his chair. One of his arms was thrown along the table, resting comfortably, while the other was loosely draped around Elia, keeping her stable on his lap as she played with a toy. Fee-fu, Aelin noticed, the toy she’d left with Emrys.

His gaze left Aelin’s, snapping to Rowan, and she felt a rush of relief, a rush she was careful not to let show.

“It’s nice to finally meet you in the flesh,” Arobynn continued, a sly grin on his face. “How has my lovely wife been treating you?” She clenched her jaw, doing everything she could to not give him the satisfaction of a reaction.

Wife. She felt like spitting.

“Your wife in name only,” was Rowan’s response, his voice calm but with a line of tension running through it, conveying his own thoughts on the matter. Conveying an unspoken challenge.

Arobynn didn’t rise to it, simply raising a brow. “You didn’t answer my question.” He smirked again. “She’s good in bed, isn’t she?”

Aelin couldn’t stop her flinch this time, nausea swirling in her stomach. She could feel Rowan’s anger surge behind her, but he kept himself contained, not reacting the way Arobynn wanted both of them to.

“What do you want,” she said flatly, keeping her voice level and desperately trying to keep it strong.

“Now, now,” he reprimanded, amusement dripping in his voice as he looked back at her. “Let’s not get down to business so quickly. I want to know what you’ve been up to these past few years.” He gestured to Elia. “Besides this, of course.”

This. She clenched her jaw, grinding her teeth together. Her nails went to dig into her palm, finding another outlet for the tension, but Rowan subtly slipped his hand into hers, preventing her from hurting herself.

Arobynn didn’t miss it.

“I can’t lie, Aelin,” he tilted his head, furrowing his brows mockingly, “I’m a little hurt that you moved on so quickly. What happened to all our memories?” 

Her stomach twisted painfully, but she didn’t get a chance to reply before her daughter finally seemed to notice her.

“Mama!” Elia called out, waving the plastic dog around. “Mama!”

This is the time when Aelin normally would’ve walked over there without hesitation, grabbing her daughter and swinging her around to hear that precious giggle, before planting a big kiss on her head as she pulled her in close. But she couldn’t now, and it hurt. 

Her chest tightened, her lungs clenching painfully, and she knew she was squeezing Rowan’s hand really tightly, but he didn’t complain or pull away.

“Can I -” she started asking, her voice fading, steeling herself for having to ask. “Can I hold her?”

“Why?” He replied, feigning confusion. “I’m her father, shouldn’t that be enough?”

“You are not her father,” she couldn’t stop herself from saying, her voice coming out through gritted teeth. She was simultaneously having to force herself to not say everything she wanted to while also having to force herself to say anything at all. 

“Oh really? Should we order a paternity test then?” Arobynn questioned sarcastically, ignoring Elia’s fidgeting, “I’d love to learn who you were cheating on me with.” He hummed in contemplation. “Maybe that young chauffeur, Samuel Cortland?” She froze, her breath leaving her body. 

He’d gotten out, she’d made sure he got out . He was just trying to rattle her. 

“But you see, the dates don’t line up,” he further mused. “After all, our dear daughter’s birthday is August 3rd.” He didn’t even look down at Elia, who was beginning to fuss, still muttering mama. Aelin’s heart beat painfully, like she was physically feeling her daughter’s anguish. “Almost nine months exactly after my birthday.” A slimy grin spread on his face. “I wonder what that means.”

She was going to be sick. 

“You motherfu -“ Rowan started to curse, but she squeezed his hand, stopping him in his tracks, and took a deep breath, separating her dignity from what she was about to say. Elia was the most important thing. 

“Can I - please,” she took another breath, “hold our daughter?” She could feel Rowan’s frustration, mixed with her own shame, but she didn’t say anything else, watching as Arobynn’s satisfaction grew.

“Of course, darling. Why didn’t you just ask?” He said, and she nearly spit. But she contained herself, taking slow and deliberate steps closer to him, letting go of Rowan’s hand. Aelin felt shakier and more nauseous the closer she got, but she didn’t let that deter her as she reached to pick up Elia, who was straining to be in her arms.

Without looking at Arobynn, only a foot away from him, she snatched up her daughter, backing up quickly. He didn’t try to stop her, and she retreated until she was next to Rowan again. Elia cuddled into her, nuzzling her face into Aelin’s shirt.  

It was easier to breathe, further away from him, and she clutched her daughter close to her, her lips pressed tightly together.

“Ah,” Arobynn uttered, “You forgot something.” He dangled Fee-fu in one of his hands, and she hesitated, just like he wanted her to. After a pause, she turned, passing Elia gently into Rowan’s arms. Elia went willingly, but whined a little bit, unhappy to be leaving her. As if she sensed the situation. It’d always been the two of them, for much longer than Rowan had been involved, and no matter how much Elia was attached to him, Aelin was the rock.

And that’s why Aelin took those careful steps once again, her heart pounding in her chest as she held out her hand, avoiding his gaze as she grabbed the plastic toy from his grasp. She kept her eyes on the hand holding it, prepared to back up, when a sharp tug prevented her from going anywhere.

With the hand she hadn’t been watching, he pulled on her wrist, and she used her free hand to catch herself on the table, avoiding falling completely into him.

Alarm bells rang in her head, her skin prickling in discomfort at the feel of his hand on her. Her eyes shot to his, only inches away, and everything in her started to malfunction. But she clenched her jaw, breathing and stopping herself from falling apart. 

“Let. Me. Go.” She said, keeping her voice as stern and icy as possible, and he actually retreated, lifting his hands in sarcastic supplication. 

Aelin straightened, and even faced away from him as she walked back to Elia and Rowan, keeping her chin high.

“I see you really have changed,” he taunted, raising his voice. 

“What? I’m too legal for you now?” She spit, half turning over shoulder to throw the words at him. Adrenaline was making her shaky, but she refused to show it, stopping in front of Rowan and turning her attention to Elia.

Arobynn just chuckled, the sound permeating the silence. 

“You okay?” Rowan asked quietly, almost a whisper, and she just nodded quickly, glancing up at his face before dropping her gaze back to Elia.

When she confirmed Elia was alright, Aelin’s eyes unconsciously drifted to the cafe door, wondering what would happen if they took the chance to just leave. They could drive up to the mountains, could run away and escape this. Winter Break, maybe it wasn’t all lost.

“You’re thinking about leaving aren’t you?” Arobynn questioned, and she froze, her hand in the middle of brushing a piece of Elia’s hair back. “I can practically see the thought whirring in your head. But you know better, don’t you?”

She turned to face him, her expression flat. His was his carefully concealed mask, though there was an arrogant hint of mirth in his eyes. 

“You left last time, rather foolishly,” he continued, “and look where we ended up.” He waved a hand. “Right back where we were, plaything excluded.” 

“It took you nearly two years to find me,” she couldn’t help but say, her voice a bit weaker as she tried to fight off the helplessness he was tossing at her. Like she was being buried alive, and with every inch she managed to climb, another inch of dirt was thrown on top.

“Did it?” He asked, raising a brow, and the ground nearly dropped out from under her feet. The blood rushed out of her face, leaving her a ghostly white. What. “You were sufficiently crafty at the beginning, I can’t deny it, but after that,” he clicked his tongue, “don’t you think you were a bit naive?” She didn’t say anything, just stared at him. “You should’ve changed your name, or done something else besides just think I wouldn’t search all the way over here in Doranelle.

“It was easy, once I really got looking,” he continued, “and then I just had to wait.”

She gritted her teeth together. “How long?” How long had he been watching her, waiting for the right moment to make a move.

He just shrugged maddeningly. “Long enough,” was all he said, ambiguously, and she squeezed her eyes closed for a second before snapping them open.

It could be a lie. He could be covering up the fact that it did take him nearly two years to find her. But there was no way of really knowing.

“Well,” she said, “you found me. Now what do you want?” 

Arobynn drummed out a nonsensical rhythm on the table with his fingers, each beat an errant thump of her heart. Tap. Tap. Tap.

“I suppose if you really want to skip all these lovely pleasantries,” he said silkily. Tap. Tap. Tap. “I can just get to the point.” 

He was drawing it out on purpose, and she was fucking tired of it. Tired of his games. “Please do,” she said flatly, wanting desperately to reach out to Elia and Rowan but not wanting to show any signs of weakness. That’s when he’d strike like a viper, when he could see that you already knew you were losing.

Turns out, it didn’t matter, he went in for the blow anyway.

“I want you to give up this little charade and come back to Rifthold,” he said, his voice suddenly cold. 

A beat of silence passed, and then she let out a harsh laugh. 

“And why in hell would I do that?” Aelin spat, shaking her head. “That’s bullshit.” Rowan was tense with unvented anger next to her, ready to let it out should she tell him to. 

“You can either choose the easy way,” Arobynn said, his voice dripping with condescension and authority.

“I’m not choosing anything you ba-”

“Or the hard way,” he continued, not caring about her interruption. Her heart was racing now, old memories taking root in her mind, old feelings racing through her veins, her body’s flight or fight response finally forgetting fight and telling her to run. As if it knew standing up now was hopeless. 

The scars on her back tingled, and so did the ones on her hand, her forehead, even her arm. 

“Which will it be?” He asked. Tap. Tap. Tap .

“I’m not going anywhere,” she said, shaking her head again. “That’s my choice.” He nodded slowly, as if processing her answer.

“Interesting,” was his response, and she waited, her jaw clenched, knowing that’s not all he had to say to her refusal. “Guess Elia will be playing tourist alone then,” he said, shrugging, “oh well. I’m sure she’ll miss you.”

But her heart had already stopped. “ What ,” She said, her voice meek but angry. She could feel Rowan fuming beside her, but thankfully he was still remaining silent. She didn’t need him targeted more than he’d already been.

“I’m not letting you keep our daughter here,” Arobynn said, feigning concern. “Not in this shithole. So I have an offer for you.” She was already shaking her head slowly, her lips beginning to tremble. This was it. This was the kill strike. “You both come back to Rifthold with me, and we can be a happy little family.” Nausea filled her gut, horror racing through her veins. “ Or - you make the poor choice of staying here, and I get custody of Elia. And you’ll never see her again.”

You’ll never see her again.

It was like a bomb was dropped, the power cut, everything in the world gone silent except the ringing in her ears.

“No,” Rowan whispered next to her, in pure disbelief and disgust. Aelin would agree with him, except she couldn’t even find the broken pieces of her mind to organize her thoughts. They were all scattered shrapnel, buried under the rubble of her emotions.

“You can’t do that,” she finally managed to say, as if in a daze. “You can’t take her from me.”

“Actually, I very much can,” Arobynn corrected, looking all too happy with himself, relaxed back in his chair. Tap. Tap. Tap.

“She’s my daughter,” she whispered, almost a plea.

“And I’m her father,” he countered, raising a brow. 

“I gave birth to her, I raised her,” Aelin said, her voice still faraway. “I’m her mother. The court won’t let you take her from me.” She was almost trying to convince herself.

“A pretty shitty mother,” he amended, “but it’s okay, we all have our weaknesses.” 

“Mama,” Elia whined again, and Aelin’s heart squeezed itself so tight it was about to burst.

“So shitty, in fact,” he continued, not even sparing his “daughter ” a second glance, “that the court would take her away from you.” 

She shook her head back and forth, like a clock ticking the seconds away. This couldn’t be real. It didn’t make any fucking sense.

“What is your evidence?” Rowan decided to chime in, his voice near a growl. “The court won’t listen just to hearsay.” 

Arobynn leveled a long gaze at the other man, assessing him. And apparently finding him lacking, as he dismissed him easily, looking back at Aelin.

“I have quite the long list of dear concerns of mine,” he said, with a poisoned smile, his voice dripping with fake worry. “I want our daughter raised in the best conditions, and this certainly isn’t that.”

“I -”

“One: A rundown apartment in the bad part of town,” he listed, “so sketchy you need three locks just to feel safe.”

“It’s all I can af-” she tried to say, but he kept going. 

“Two: you leave Elia in the care of a random old man practically everyday, leaving her at a busy restaurant where anyone could come by and snatch her up.” He shook his head, as if admonishing her.

“That’s -”

“Three:,” he kept going, raising his voice. “You didn’t practice proper vehicular safety measures, driving with her in the car without a car seat -”

“I had a -”

“And even with a carseat,” he interrupted, “you left her in the care of someone so negligent she ended up in a wreck, where she could’ve died, or been seriously injured.”

“You fucking caused that wreck and you know it,” she spit, finally managing to get a full sentence in. His face, to her surprise, turned grave.

“And she wasn’t supposed to be in the car, now was she?” He asked, his voice more grim, and she blinked in surprise. It was true. She wasn’t supposed to be in the car. But she didn’t have time to analyze what that meant before he put his mask back up, changing the topic.

“And number four,” he said, “how can I leave my daughter in the care of an alcoholic?”

Aelin froze, memories flooding her senses. Memories of the whiskey she’d downed at her parents’ funeral, the first time she met him. Memories of the cognac she’d got lost in the first time they had sex, so drunk she couldn’t reasonably consent. The first time he raped her. Memories of the wine she’d begun to drink like water, needing it to get through the day. Memories of that last bottle she’d drained into the bathtub, where she’d almost ended it all.

No, she wasn’t a fucking alcoholic. Not anymore.

“What the hell are you talking about?” She asked through gritted teeth, clenching her hands into tension filled fists. “I haven’t had a drop of alcohol since I found out I was pregnant.” 

“Hmm,” he said, “that’s not quite true, but it doesn’t matter anyway.” Tap. Tap. Tap. “Alcohol’s a very serious business with the court. If they can be persuaded that it’s true, then the evidence doesn’t really matter. In fact,” he reached into his suit jacket pocket, pulling out his phone. “I have a little piece of the puzzle right here.” He tapped a few buttons, before setting it on the table, sending it sliding down toward her, reaching the end of the table.

Aelin still had to walk forward a little bit, but not too close to him. Rowan came up behind her as she lifted the phone, seeing a security video ready to play.

With dread filling her gut, she tapped the screen, instantly recognizing the scene. It was the bar, from the night of her midterm. 

With growing horror, she watched herself flirt with Rowan, ordering a drink, leaning closer to him and giggling like a fucking schoolgirl. She’d been giddy with happiness that night, but she looked drunk. It didn’t help when she stood up, starting to stumble toward the bathroom.

Aelin hadn’t seen it from this angle before, but it looked bad. Especially with the way she could barely stand, the way she fell against the wall, her legs crumpling beneath her. There wasn’t any sound, but she could tell Rowan was calling her name as he stood up, hurrying over toward the bathroom, a completely panicked look on his face as he saw her sprawled out on the floor.

Looking like she’d passed out drunk, not like she’d been drugged. Especially if Arobynn spun it the way he was planning to.

“It was easy, really,” the man himself added, no doubt seeing the horror on her face. “Your friend Fenrys was making the drink, but paying the other bartender to slip the drug into that drink when he wasn’t looking took almost no effort at all. Same with paying someone else to slip you that first note.” He shrugged. “Now all I have to do is share some stories about you being drunk around me, before it was even legal, and they’ll take the lie like water.”

Aelin was nearly shaking with a flurry of emotions: anger, horror, fear, a deep deep dread. 

“What the fuck?” Rowan cursed, pure anger in his voice. “Who do you think you are?”

Arobynn was smirking as he turned to look at him. “Simply a concerned husband and father. What kind of claim do you have here, hm? Nothing. So if anything, I should be asking you who you think you are?”

“Someone who actually gives a shit about their well being,” he growled. Aelin wanted to defend him, but she couldn’t, her thoughts stuck on the inevitable impossibility of the situation, her brain frozen at the implications. On what this meant for her.

It wasn’t good, whatever it would be.

“Do you? That’s new,” Arobynn said, raising a brow.

“What do you mean?” Rowan spit, clutching Elia close to him.

“I know your secret, Rowan Whitethorn,” Arobynn taunted, and Rowan stiffened. Aelin’s brows furrowed, glancing over at her boyfriend. “Shall we tell her?”

“Tell me what?” Aelin questioned, her voice low. Rowan just shook his head minutely, looking so pained she decided to save the interrogation for later. This wasn’t the time. Arobynn was just using it as a mind game, whatever it was. She wasn’t going to make Rowan say it now.

“Nevermind,” she amended, looking back at Arobynn, “it doesn’t fucking matter because he’s right. You don’t care about either of us, so why the hell are you doing this?” She hated how desperate her voice sounded, but she couldn’t help it.

“Why not?” was all he said, looking frustratingly nonchalant. “The reasons don’t matter, all that does matter is you getting to see precious Elia again, right?”

She clenched her jaw, trying to hide her lips trembling. Especially as he stood up, grabbing his phone from the table and pocketing it, adjusting his suit jacket after pushing his chair back under the table. Like the civilized person he was not.

He casually walked toward the cafe door, one hand on the handle as he turned to look at them. At her. 

“I’ll give you 24 hours to decide,” he said with a sly grin, “have a nice day.” 

And then he was gone.

Chapter Text

Her ears didn’t stop ringing the whole way home. Neither of them broke the silence, and neither did Elia, cuddled close to her chest. Aelin had taken her back from Rowan the moment they headed back to the car, and held her tightly, almost to the point where her daughter would normally fuss and whine. But Elia didn’t protest, just resting there peacefully.

Well, she’d taken Elia back after promptly throwing up into the bushes directly outside the door. Rowan hadn’t said anything, and she’d stood up, wiped her mouth, and headed to the car without a single word.

Now, back at the apartment, the silence pressed more heavily on her, and it was an ache in her chest as Rowan unlocked all three damn locks, opening the door and letting them inside. She walked into the living room, stalling in the middle of it, her eyes trailing the floor. 

Until he shut and locked the door behind him, coming up behind her carefully. He left a couple feet of space, and she appreciated it, appreciated that he understood she couldn’t be touched right now. 

But Aelin turned around slowly to look at him, meeting his eyes. They were unreadable. 

Finally, he spoke, his voice crackling in the silence. “Are you thinking of taking the deal?” He asked quietly, his tone revealing nothing, and she pressed her lips together, nodding slowly.

What else was she supposed to do? 

“I can’t lose her, Rowan,” she whispered, her voice so small she could barely hear it. Her boyfriend let out a shuddering breath, his head falling to hang forward. 

“I know,” he replied, his voice tight. “I understand. Gods , I understand.” He shook his head once, letting out a thick, shuddering breath.

It held so much pain in it it shot through Aelin too, drowning her in the pure agony. She’d never heard him like that before. 

And she had to know why. 

“Rowan…” she began to say, but trailed off as he scrubbed at his face, straightening up to look at her.

“I haven’t been entirely honest with you,” he said, his voice cautious. Aelin blinked, a bit of hurt pouring through her at the words. She didn’t even know what he was going to say, but it hurt regardless. 

He noticed her flinch, his face falling into a look of utter guilt. “It changes nothing,” he amended, his voice serious and convincing. “ Nothing about how I feel for you, how I feel for Elia. It’s just… a big part of who I am and I haven’t shared it.” 

Her jaw tightened. “But Arobynn knows, doesn’t he,” she said, her voice flat. Rowan nodded, his own jaw clenched.

“I’d assume so,” he said quietly, “that’s what he seemed to be saying.” 

Aelin sighed, carefully sitting down on the couch. She shifted Elia and patted the spot next to her, letting Rowan decide to sit down or not. He chose to, loosing a heavy sigh as he stared, not at her, but forward at the dark TV.

“In my sophomore year here,” he began, his fingers clenched in the material of his jeans. “I was dating a girl named Lyria.” His face wavered a bit. “She was one of the sweetest people I’ve ever met, and she was beautiful in a soft way.”

Another pang of hurt went through her at the reverent way he talked about her, at the words beautiful and sweet. Aelin wasn’t beautiful, and she certainly wasn’t sweet. Was that what he wanted? 

She shoved the thought out of her head, along with the ticking clock and the ultimatum eating at her insides.

“What happened to her?” She asked hesitantly, trying to feel out where this was going.

“She’s fine,” Rowan insisted, “in fact, if you fly to Akkadia right now, and stop by the University there, you’ll probably find her at the library or at the nearest coffee shop.” He looked over at her, pausing as his eyes trailed over her face, seeing her hesitation. “It was never a serious relationship,” he continued, and she relaxed infinitesimally, “I thought it was at the time, but we weren’t good for each other.”

It was a little petty and possessive of her, but she couldn’t stop the bolt of satisfaction that went through her at the words. 

“But,” he sighed, “I was even more ambitious than I am now , and she didn’t like how much time I was spending on things that weren’t our relationship. She understood, or she said she did, but it was still clear how it was weighing on her.” A surge of anger went through her; like it was Rowan’s problem that he was trying to advance his own career. “But I - didn’t listen.”

Aelin shook her head as she brushed a hand down Elia’s back. “You were what, 19? 20? That’s young,” she said quietly, “What was she expecting? A marriage?” Her face darkened. “I know from experience it’s not good to rush into commitment too fast.”

That made him stop, his face grave and lined with concern as he stared into her eyes. “Aelin -”

“Later,” she interrupted, shaking her head once. “We’ll talk about it later.”

“But-”

“I want to hear this first,” she said, her words strong, and after a moment, he conceded, nodding in confirmation.

“Later,” Rowan said, loosing a breath. “Okay, back to Lyria.” Aelin carefully removed a hand from Elia’s back, the girl was quickly falling asleep, and set it on Rowan’s, linking their fingers together. He squeezed it once. “There was an internship I had the spring of my sophomore year, and it was keeping me away from her a lot, which she didn’t like. And we weren’t living together, but we probably should’ve because we barely had time to see each other,” his voice was picking up pace, “and when we did see each other, we were arguing. It was a mess.” 

Aelin could hear the anguish in his words, and she wondered how long they’d been pent up inside of him, how long he’d dealt with this on his own. 

“She found out she was pregnant in April,” he said, and she inhaled sharply. Dread quickly replaced the shock. “But she didn’t tell me.” His voice cracked on the words. “I only found out when I got a call from the hospital, telling me that she’d miscarried . ” 

“Rowan…” she said quietly, tears filling her eyes.

“I lost my baby before I even knew they existed,” he breathed, squeezing her hand tightly. “Before I even got a chance to love them, or hold them, or speak to them.” He shuddered, tears dripping down his cheeks. “All because I was stupidly chasing my reckless ambition.”

“No,” Aelin insisted, shaking her head. “You can’t think of it like that.” She sniffed back her tears. “It’s not your fault, you can’t blame yourself. You shouldn’t blame yourself.” 

“But we were arguing, I was causing all of that stress to pile up on her,” Rowan replied, dragging his free hand across his face. “ She blames me, she was clear enough about it before she transferred.”

“That’s unfair,” she said sharply. “You both were in unimaginable pain, I’m sure. Gods, I can’t even imagine,” she shuddered, pulling Elia closer to her chest to press a short kiss to her hair. “She had no right to put that all on you.” 

“And now I’m trying to fix it and be better for Elia but I can’t help thinking I’m going to mess it al-”

“No, Rowan,” she repeated, letting go of his hand to cup his cheek instead, keeping his gaze focused on hers. “I know you, okay? It seems I know you better than Lyria ever did, because I would never blame you for any of that. You’re going to be an amazing father,” her voice was thick with tears, and he squeezed his eyes closed. “You are an amazing father.” 

His eyes flipped open, heavy with emotion. And with shock at the implication, at the declaration. The claim. 

“Elia and I are lucky to have you,” she whispered, “and I’ll forever be grateful you came into my life.” She steeled herself for the next words. “I lo-”

Her phone vibrated, drawing Rowan’s attention. He looked away from her, glancing down at the device on the table. Aelin followed his gaze, looking at the notification.

“It’s my test grade,” she said idly, eyes glued to the screen. Her hand dropped from Rowan’s face, and she leaned over carefully, lifting the phone and swiping to unlock it. Elia made a little sleepy noise, and cuddle closer into Aelin’s shirt, completely undisturbed by everything going on. Aelin was grateful she didn’t even know what was going on. 

She inhaled sharply as her eyes read over the grade, her gaze going back and forth across the numbers, as if afraid they’d change.

“What did you get?” Rowan asked carefully, and she slowly turned to look at him, eyes wide.

“A 98%,” she breathed, and his face split into a wide grin.

“A 98%? Really?” His tone was hopeful, and she nodded slowly, her lips trembling. “Aelin, that’s amazing.” 

She placed her phone back down on the coffee table carefully, the realization just then hitting her. She was done; she’d passed. She’d passed. 

A wide grin split across her own face then too, and she looked over at Rowan. “I got a 98%. I got a 98%.” A giddy laugh escaped her and she practically threw herself at him, letting him wrap her up in a big hug, Elia in the middle. Her daughter, their daughter, woke with a start, but she settled back down quickly in the little cocoon of people she loved.

“I’m so proud of you,” her boyfriend whispered into her hair, and Aelin buried her face in his neck, breathing him in. Just as another realization hit her.

It could be the last time she’d get to. The last time she’d be wrapped in him, the last time she’d smell him, the last time she’d be with him.

What the hell would grades matter then?

Rowan seemed to feel her tense, because he pulled back, his face turning grave. “Is it later?” He asked, and she sighed through her nose, nodding as she carefully stood up from the couch.

“Just let me put Elia to bed first,” she said, glancing out the window at the fading sky. More time had passed than she’d realized. After unspooling herself from the couch, she headed toward the front bedroom, setting Elia carefully on the changing table. 

It took her only a few minutes to get her daughter ready for bed, her routine pretty solid at this point, and then she bent over to set the girl down in her crib. 

“Mama,” Elia murmured sleepily, her eyes closed and her limbs loose. But when Aelin used a hand to gently brush some red hair back from her daughter’s forehead, tiny fingers wrapped loosely around one of her own. Aelin paused, and watched as turquoise eyes blinked blearily up at her, full of unbridled affection. 

“Hey, baby,” she whispered, leaning down to press a gentle kiss to her forehead. Her heart was going to burst with all the emotion pouring through her. “I’m not going anywhere. I’m never leaving you. Ever.” 

The statement hung in the silence of the room, settling in her heart just as Elia settled back to sleep. And when she was sure her daughter was asleep, her hand going limp, Aelin stood up and walked out to the living room, softly closing the door behind her. 

Rowan was standing up too when she returned, pacing back and forth between the coffee table and the TV. When he heard her approach, he slowed to a stop, looking up at her. Aelin steeled herself for the conversation ahead of them.

“Are you going to go?” Rowan asked softly, but warily. A beat passed before she answered.

“I don’t have any other choice,” she said quietly, stopping when she was a couple feet away from him. The words made her shudder, but she contained it so he wouldn’t see, almost practicing for how she had to be soon enough. The more she showed, the more she had to deal with.

It’d be different now, yet still the same. She’d be expected to behave, to listen, to not protest as he… raped her, yet now, the leverage he had against her was worse. She’d grown to not care about herself very much, but her daughter? Well, she’d do anything to keep her safe.

Even if it meant pretending nothing had changed.

Even if it meant pretending she was as love sick as she was in the beginning. But only if he preferred that to her outright hatred. She’d have to do whatever he wanted, be whoever he wanted. It would be painful, it would be miserable, but it would be worth it if it kept her daughter safe.

“Fuck that,” Rowan suddenly spit, shaking his head, and she blinked in shock. “There’s no way in hell you can go back there.” He scrubbed at his face.

“What is my alternative?!” Aelin exclaimed, gesturing roughly with her hands. She kept her voice quiet enough not to disturb Elia, but loud and harsh enough to get her point across. She wasn’t angry with Rowan, but she needed him to see. “I either go, or I lose Elia.”

“You ca-”

“Not just lose Elia,” she interrupted, “I’d be sending her to that hellhole alone. ” She shook he head. “There’s no way in hell I can do that.” 

“Aelin, you were abused.” She could hear the pain in his voice, could see the utter anguish on his face. “You were hit , you were ra -”

“ You don’t think I know ?" Aelin cut in, wrapping her arms around herself. “You don’t think I know what I’m getting myself into? What I’m willingly walking back into?” She shook her head, not letting the tears gathering behind her eyes fall. “I was an utter wreck of a person two years ago, Rowan. I know that. I know what he’s going to want to do to me, but what am I supposed to do?” Her voice trailed off.

Rowan stepped forward, grabbing both of her hands and prying her fingers away from her palms. He lifted her right one and kissed the scar on her palm lightly. “Anything other than giving yourself up to that monster ,” he whispered sharply, “he’s all talk, the courts can’t take Elia away from you.”

She shook her head, refusing to look at him. “He owns the courts. If he wants to.” She stared out the window, at the cloudy skies. “And the evidence itself can be twisted. I don’t want to admit it but it looks convi-” her voice trailed off in a breathless shudder, her eyes falling closed. She couldn’t finish the sentence.

“We’ll figure something out,” her boyfriend continued, resting his forehead against hers. Aelin sniffed, fighting the tears trying to spill down her face. “We’ll fight it, we won’t let him win easily, and if all else fails, we’ll run away.” He whispered the next words. “We’ll run so far, no one will be able to find us.” His hands cupped her cheeks. “I can’t bear you leaving, Aelin.”

The words were a confession. “I can’t bear you going back there, knowing what you’re going to go through.” He let out a shuddering breath, hot against her face, and she squeezed her eyes shut, tears slipping down her cheeks. “I can’t bear Elia being there, her being exposed to all of that evil .”

She shook her head, hands digging into his shirt. “I can’t either,” she whispered tightly. “And I can’t bear leaving you.” 

“Then don’t,” Rowan said, pressing a desperate kiss to her forehead. “Don’t go.” A kiss to her temple. “Don’t give up and go back.” A kiss to her cheek, to the salty tears running down her splotchy skin. “Don’t leave me.” 

He caught her mouth in a deep kiss, and she fell into him, pressing into him as much as he pressed into her.  They moved against each other in a rush, Aelin clutching Rowan closer by his shirt, Rowan’s hands dropping to her waist to tug her into him. Her mouth opened for him, and he swiped his tongue through it, making her moan into him. 

He swallowed the sound, and she slid a hand to grab the back of his neck, tugging her into her even more. She could feel the hard lines of him against every curve of her, and it was intoxicating. He was intoxicating.

He took a step forward, and she moved with him, stumbling until she was falling on the couch, tugging him down with her. 

He collapsed onto her, and their lips separated at the force of it. Her breaths came out in pants, mixed with sounds of pleasure as he started kissing her neck, his lips hot against her skin. 

“Gods, Rowan,” she breathed, her eyes squeezed shut at the feeling. Rowan made a noise in response, his body hard against hers as he slid one hand to her waist, still devouring her neck.

“Gods, I love you,” he breathed, and she froze, her breath catching.

“What?” She dared to say, eyes wide. Rowan pulled back a little, face inches away from hers as he spoke again.

“I love you,” he repeated, eyes full of emotion. “I have for awhile, and I know there are limits to what you can give me, and I know you might need time-”

She crushed her lips against his, stopping him in the middle of his sentence. It was a heated kiss, but a quick one. She pulled back, tears dripping down her face as she said the words she’d been holding in for a while too.

“I love you, too,” she whispered, caressing his cheekbone with a thumb. “So godsdamned much, I don’t know what to do about it.”

Rowan dropped his head into her neck, murmuring into the delicate skin, “you can stay with me, that’s what you can do about it.”

Aelin sniffed, nodding her head. “Okay,” she said, “I’ll stay.” The words felt hollow, but they were what he wanted to hear, as he immediately stole her lips again, settling on top of her to deepen it. Heat pooled in her stomach, and raced through her veins, and she felt electrified, every place he touched her felt like it was struck by lightning.

Her heart was racing, and she dug her hands into his shoulders, pulling him closer and wrapping her legs around his waist. She could feel him hard against her, right where she needed him, and she groaned into his mouth as he grinded against her, the feeling divine.

But, her heart started thumping harder, a bit more painfully, as Rowan slipped a hand under her shirt, pulling it up as he trailed his fingers up her side. Her hands started trembling, slipping down his shoulders as he moved down her body, pressing kisses on her stomach as he pushed her shirt up. 

She wanted to reciprocate, wanted to touch him like he was touching her, but she couldn’t move. Her body was frozen, her brows wrought together and her eyes squeezed shut. Like she was waiting for it to be over.

“Aelin?” Rowan’s voice came, his touches pausing, but she couldn’t open her eyes, adrenaline running through her veins.

“Hm?” She asked idly, pretending nothing was wrong. But he pulled back all the way, leaving her body cold.

“Are you okay?” he asked, “we can stop whenever you want to.” 

“No,” she said, her voice tight. Her eyes were still closed. “I don’t want to stop.” But Rowan didn’t resume touching her, and her body didn’t calm down, everything in her trembling.

“Aelin,” he repeated, quietly, and she cracked an eye open, seeing his concerned face looking down at her.

“I’m fine,” she lied, shaking her head once. He just looked at her, and she sighed. “I do want to keep going,” she continued, “I just - think I need to take it slow? I don’t think my body realizes it’s you who’s touching me.”

Rowan loosed a breath. “Okay,” he agreed, “do you want to move?”

Aelin nodded, pushing herself up on her elbows. “Let’s go to my room,” she said, and he stood up from the couch, offering his hand to her. She accepted, linking her fingers with him, and keeping him close as they headed toward her bedroom, him only a step behind.

When they got inside, she slowed to a stop, him falling into place behind her. He leaned forward carefully and placed a few light as a feather kisses on her shoulder. She closed her eyes, and let herself relax, tilting her head to the side to make her neck available for him. His arms slid around her waist, hugging her from behind, and she clutched his forearms, feeling that familiar heat race through her veins again.

It was Rowan. Rowan. She loved him and he loved her.

“I love you,” she murmured, mirroring her thoughts as she turned in his arms, pressing kisses of her own to his neck. His hands slowly smoothed up and down her sides, over her shirt, each press of his fingers against her sending the pool of heat in her souring.

“I love you, too, Fireheart,” he whispered, and her heart warmed too, a few inches below the pendant she had around her neck. And that emotion running through her finally made her feel so safe she took a step back, taking a deep breath as she lifted her shirt off of herself, leaving her in her bra.

Besides the sports bra she worked out in, it was the most revealed she’d ever been in front of him, and her cheeks flamed. 

Rowan’s eyes darkened, and his hands came up to trace over her arms reverently.

“Gods,” he said with a weak smile, his voice shaky, “you are so beautiful.” 

Her face was still on fire, but she brought up a little bit of bravado, shrugging and saying, “I know.” 

It earned her a laugh, and a precious smile, and with that she felt confident enough to tug at his shirt.

“It’s your turn,” she insisted, and he chuckled again, lifting his t-shirt over his head. The sight nearly made her moan. 

He was all smooth, delectable tan skin, stretched over sharp, strong muscles that she very much wanted to feel on her. Her mouth was suddenly dry, and she knew her flush was spreading down her chest with how turned on she was.

She lifted her hands to his chest, smoothing them over the exposed skin, tracing it all beneath her fingertips. Rowan returned the favor, his calloused hands resting on her exposed waist, gently caressing the bare skin, making her shiver.

When one of his hands hit the clasp of her bra, he looked down at her in question, and she nodded, taking deep breaths. He slowly undid it, keeping eye contact with her to make sure she  was still okay, and carefully slid it down her arms, tossing it to the side.

The look in his eyes then made all embarrassment wash away. And when he leaned down to kiss her, she let him. It wasn’t a rough kiss, but it was decadent and heavenly, and she sank into it, sank into him. 

His tongue swept into her mouth, and she sighed into it, letting him back her up until she was falling onto the bed, him falling with her. She scooted back a little bit, her head hitting the pillow, and he came up to cover her, his strong arms on either side of her body.

“You okay?” Rowan asked quietly, “do you want to stop?”

“Gods no,” she shook her head, “if you stop now I’m going to kick your ass.” He laughed loudly, and she smiled back, clutching his shoulders as he dipped his head down to press kisses to her collarbone, trailing them down until he took a nipple into his mouth. “Oh,” she moaned, her eyes fluttering shut at the feeling. His tongue swirled around the peak, and she clutched him closer to her, legs coming up to wrap around him as she panted.

The feeling of his chest pressed against hers was divine, the friction of their bare skin together the most overwhelming thing she’d ever felt. If she’d ever thought Arobynn was good, it was nothing, nothing compared to this.

His hand came up to massage her other breast, and she nearly whimpered, her hands digging into his back. He kept up his ministrations as she moved a hand to his front, slipping it into his pants and relishing in the groan he let out when she wrapped her fingers around his length. Gods. She needed to feel him inside of her.

Rowan was on a different page though, as he trailed kisses down her stomach, making her shiver as his hands came to the waistband of her jeans. He unbuttoned each button with slow deliberation, and she panted with anticipation, every nerve on fire.

He slid her pants off, leaving her in just her underwear, and she felt her body tremble again, but not from fear. 

He still paused, looking up at her from between her thighs, a sight that made her want to combust. “Is this alright?” He asked, and she loved him for checking in on her. But she still blushed.

“Yes,” she admitted, “I’ve just… never done this before.” He looked a little surprised, but then his jaw clenched in anger, anger he pushed to the side quickly. “In high school, it was mainly just fooling around, and then after…” she didn’t need to finish her sentence. 

Rowan processed the words and then pressed a light kiss to the fabric of her underwear, murmuring his words into her core. “Then let me worship you the way you deserve.”

She couldn’t stop her moan when he licked a stripe up her underwear, right over her folds. Her face twisted in pleasure, and her mouth fell open in a sigh. His fingers dragged up her thighs, spreading them for him, and one hand dipped under the hem of her underwear, dragging them down her legs and leaving her completely bared to him.

But she wasn’t embarrassed, no. She was too distracted by the pleasure racing through her as he leaned in to taste her, his fingers joining his mouth. Sounds were escaping her mouth that she’d never made before, and she was nearly shaking with all of the feelings rushing through her, nearly thrashing as he inserted a third finger into her, catapulting her off the cliff of pleasure.

She saw white as she climaxed, heat rushing through her entire body. She panted as she came down, her limbs like jelly as Rowan came up to cover her again.

“How was that?” He asked, a small smirk on his face.

She was too overwhelmed to come up with a response besides “really really good.”

“Just good huh?” He questioned, bracing himself on one hand as he stripped off his pants with the other. 

“Amazing,” she teased, with a smile, and he pushed back her sweaty hair from her forehead, pressing a quick kiss to her forehead before rolling off of her, reaching for his discarded pants, like he’d forgotten something.

A condom, he was grabbing a condom.

“Do you still want to do this?” Rowan asked, concern clear, and she nodded emphatically.

“If you’re not inside me in the next two minutes I’m going to die,” she said dramatically, and he laughed, stripping off his underwear and sliding on the condom. Gods, every inch of him was beautiful.

He braced himself over her, head inches away from hers, and she leaned up for a quick kiss, reassuring him that this is what she wanted. He was who she wanted. Damn the future, damn tomorrow, this was now, and she wasn’t going to let this moment slide by.

He kept eye contact with her as he nudged at her entrance, and she only winced a little as he pushed in. It’d been awhile, and no matter how ready she was for him, nothing could change that. But he peppered little kisses to her face, taking it slowly, and she breathed through it, legs wrapped around his waist as he finally bottomed out.

At the first thrust, her world ended. The feeling was so overwhelming she felt like she was floating, and with every thrust, she felt farther and farther from her body, like the sheer amount of pleasure she was feeling was a transcendental experience. It probably was; Rowan was that magical.

It seemed to work both ways; Rowan was making just as much noise as she was. An idle thought flew by that they’d wake up Elia, almost making her laugh, but Aelin knew she’d be out like a light no matter how much noise she heard. She was a deep sleeper.

His pace began stuttering quickly, showing he was as close to the edge as she was, and she clutched him tightly as she came, hearing and feeling him come with her. 

Their pants intermingled as they both came down, Rowan dropping his head in her neck. For a moment, they just laid there, her eyes still closed, and then he pressed idle kisses to her neck as he slowly pulled out, trying not to hurt her. He quickly disposed of the condom and came to lay back down, just as exhaustion took hold of her.

“I love you,” she murmured sleepily, and he said the words back to her as he wrapped her in his arms, holding her as they both fell asleep.

----------

It’d taken a couple of days, but Aelin had figured out a plan for how to leave. It was risky, and she knew it was dangerous, but she didn’t really have any other choice. She couldn’t run away with the cameras on, and she certainly couldn't when he was here. SO she had to find a way to get him to forget to turn the cameras on before he left.

Which meant making him so angry he was completely distracted from his normal routine, a plan that had her heart racing with nerves as she stood in the hallway, staring toward the front door. 

Staring toward Sam.

He was standing at the door, swiping on his phone as he waited for Arobynn to make an appearance, to get in the car so he could drive him where he needed. 

Aelin steeled herself, taking a deep breath as she walked closer to the front. When Sam noticed her, he smiled, lifting a hand in greeting. She hadn’t had a chance to thank him for getting the test for her, but he didn’t seem to be expecting one. 

“Hello,” she said, formally, her smile a little forced. She didn’t socialize very often anymore, her skills were rusty.

“Hello,” Sam said with a smile warmer than hers, “how are you feeling?” She winced a little at the question, unsure how to answer. But she didn’t come here to chit chat anyway. 

A quick glance back at the staircase revealed it was still clear, so she looked back at Sam, wrapping her robe around herself. 

“How much do you know of what goes on around here?” She asked carefully, and quietly. Sam narrowed his eyes at the question, but his lips pursed as he considered his answer. 

“I know enough, I think,” he answered, leaning against the door, and she nodded, chewing on her lip for a second. “Am I going to get fired?” He asked after that, and she widened her eyes in shock.

“No,” she answered, but then reconsidered. “But I have a favor to ask, and if you agree, you may need to quit. Actually, you definitely would need to quit, and leave this city.”

Sam looked surprised, but didn’t immediately refuse, giving her a bit of hope. 

“I’m pregnant,” she said, in practically a whisper. “And I can’t stay here.” She was shaking. 

A million emotions passed over his face, but eventually he nodded, and she breathed a sigh of relief. “What do you need me to do?” He asked, and she chanced a look back at the stairwell again. She could hear his voice.

“I need you to flirt with me,” she said quickly, staring up at him. He didn’t say anything, just stared at her until they both heard footsteps on the stairs.  Her heart pounded with anxiety, begging her to run away and hide so he didn’t find her, but she quelled the fear, reaching forward to put her hand on Sam’s arm instead.

It was the first time in a long time she’d ever felt contact with someone besides Arobynn, and it was unfamiliar as she stepped closer to him, looking up at him through her eyelashes and pretending to be sweet talking him.

“I’m sorry,” she whispered instead, keeping her voice low and her eyes dark. “You don’t know how much this means to me.” 

“It’s no problem,” he said, his own voice quiet as he lifted a hand to toy with a piece of her hair. “I would never leave anyone in these circumsta-”

“Aelin darling,” Arobynn’s voice purred, seemingly calm, but she could hear the anger in it. “What are you up to?”

She turned to look at him, her face flat, and Sam took a casual step to the side, like he was trying to hide their “flirting”. 

“I’m just talking to the chauffeur,” she said thinly, watching as his eyes narrowed. 

“Really?” He said, incredulously, coming up to stand in front of the pair. “Can I join the conversation? What’s so exciting?”

“Nothing,” she said in a breath, “just chatting.”

“Hmm,” her husband said, nodding. “Well, Sam,” he added, looking at the chauffeur with a tight stare. “Do you mind if I steal my wife away to chat real quick before we head out?” 

She could hear the current of anger in his voice, so much he could barely restrain it in front of the servants. Aelin wasn’t surprised, which is why she’d chosen to do this. He was possessive, to a fault, and if there was any hint of his prized possession potentially slipping to someone else… he wasn’t going to be happy.

Sam glanced at her in hesitation, but she nodded once, when Arobynn couldn’t see. 

“Of course,” he said, and her husband smiled maliciously.

“Lovely.”

------

The fresh bruises on her face and arms ached as she gathered a few of her belongings, as quickly as possible. Aelin knew she had to pack light, so she just packed some essentials into a bag, bouncing around the room quickly to collect everything.

She’d changed into her most practical clothes, and her most practical shoes, braiding her hair back. She didn’t put any makeup on, or pack any makeup. She wouldn’t need it where she was going.

Not that she really knew where she was going. Her plan at the moment was to travel to the farthest country she could get to quickly, and then find a domestic violence shelter to take her in for at least a little while. 

A bus could get her there without any record of her being on board, that was the best way to go. And the ticket that far wouldn’t be cheap, but it wouldn’t be too expensive. And Arobynn wouldn’t track her to the station, because he’d be too busy tracking her to the airport. Part of her plan.

She slung her bag on her back, and quietly padded down the hallway to his office, not turning the light on as she hurried to the drawer with the envelope of money, pulling out as many hundreds as were in there. It didn’t matter if Arobynn would find the money missing; he’d realize she was missing way before then.

With a deep breath, Aelin left the office, shutting the door quietly behind her before heading toward the stairs, each step aching. He hadn’t held back in punishing her, but luckily he hadn’t hit her stomach and the pain had been worth it anyway. He’d forgotten to turn the cameras on.

When she walked down the stairs, she glanced around, and breathed a small sigh of relief when she didn't see any servants. Mullin was nowhere to be found, and the rest of them were taking what little free time they had with Arobynn gone. None of them cared about her.

Except, she knew that Tuesday was the day the trash was taken out in the back, and she also knew from her many wanderings of the house that the cook was too lazy to shut the door after going outside to drop the trash in the big can out back, so it’d be open for a window of about two minutes. She could slip outside without any of the alarms going off.

Because even though the cameras were off, the alarm system for the house was always on, and he’d be able to track if the front door was open. 

But not the back door. 

So Aelin quickly slipped down to the kitchen, waiting behind the door as the cook grabbed a trash bag and tied it up, humming to himself as he walked toward the door. He opened it and headed outside, and just like she thought, he didn’t shut it behind him. 

Once she couldn’t hear him anymore, she practically ran toward it and slipped out the back, heading quickly for the side of the house. The cook didn’t see her, and she was quickly out of sight, heading down the long driveway toward the street.

Sam was gone, and she hoped he’d taken her advice and left. She’d put him in a vulnerable position, but he’d taken the risk. Now it was his decision on what to do next.

Aelin’s heart was pounding with nerves as she got to the sidewalk, slipping out the side gate to the road. It was the first time she’d really been outside in months, let alone walking by herself outside of the grounds of the house. But she couldn’t even take the time to enjoy it, too busy hurrying toward the main road.

Once she was on a busier street, a little overwhelmed by the cars and the noise and the life around her, she hailed a taxi, smiling weakly as one stopped and she slipped inside, but didn’t sit down.

“I have an odd request,” she said, and it looked like he was about to drive away, so she pulled out a couple hundred bills and he hesitated. “Can you take this and then drive to the Rifthold airport for me?” She held up her phone. “I don’t care what you do with it after that, but I need it to get to the airport.” Just for the tracking.

He barely considered it before taking the money and the phone, not giving her another glance before driving off. 

She loosed a breath and hailed another taxi, opening the door and sitting inside this time.

“Rifthold bus station please,” she asked, handing the driver a hundred dollar bill. His eyes widened, and he took it, turning back to the wheel and pulling back out to the street.

“You got it, ma’am.”

Aelin’s knees bounced as he drove, chewing on her lip and staring out the window. It felt weird to be alone, but she supposed she wasn’t really. Not with the baby inside of her.

Her hand rested on her stomach, rubbing over her t-shirt lightly as she waited out the rest of the car ride. It passed in a blur, and soon she was buying a ticket, grabbing her luggage, and being shuffled onto a smelly bus, sitting on an uncomfortable seat. But at least she was by the window.

And it was that window she stared out of as the bus pulled out of the station, finally getting on the road.

She couldn’t fight the deep fear inside of her, the dread rolling in her stomach at the thought of him finding her, and what he would do to her then, but she also felt a sense of freedom. 

She was doing it, she was getting away. She was making a better life for herself and her child.

Because for her child, she’d do anything.

------

The moment the first light of the morning streamed through the window, Aelin was awake. It was still early, but she wasn’t tired, not as she slipped out of bed as quietly as possible, and slipped on her clothes as quietly as possible.

Rowan was still asleep, looking peaceful and content, his silver hair floppy and his face relaxed against the pillow. Her heart ached as she looked at him, the hurt so painful she could physically feel it thumping in her chest.

But it didn’t change her mind as she grabbed her phone and a pair of shoes, slipping out the bedroom door and shutting it carefully behind her. After all, she didn’t need anything where she was going.

She wouldn’t be allowed to take anything.

Aelin felt bad about lying to Rowan, but what was she supposed to do? He’d been so hopeful, but she knew deep down that there was nothing that could be done. And she’d rather throw herself into hell than let her daughter go.

He’d be mad at her, maybe even hate her for it, but it was a sacrifice she had to make. Even if everything in her was begging her to get back in bed and hold him close.

She threw her hair up into a quick braid before slipping quietly into her daughter’s room. Elia was still sleeping, curled up in her crib, and Aelin carefully lifted her into her arms.

“Good morning, baby,” she whispered, “we’re going on a little trip today, okay?”

“Mama,” Elia said sleepily, blearily blinking her eyes open. Aelin moved to the dresser, getting out an outfit to change her into. Only one, that was all she needed.

“Yeah, we’re going to see where mama grew up,” she said, ignoring the pain shooting through her. “And where mama knew she was having you for the first time.” She blinked back tears as she changed her, her daughter almost falling back asleep at the routine movements.

“I don’t know how long we’ll be there,” she said, lifting Elia back into her arms, “but just now, you’ll never be alone. Wherever we’re going, we’re going together.”

She exited the bedroom, her feet padding across the old carpet to head toward the front door. Her chest was tight with tears, and she couldn’t stop herself from looking back at the apartment. It was the place that housed her in her worst times, and kept her safe in her best, had been her own place for the first time ever. 

It wasn’t the best, but it had been hers. Now, it was just a fond memory.

She opened the front door, wincing at the frigid air before stepping outside. She turned around, whispering one thing before shutting it.

“Goodbye, Rowan.”

Aelin took a deep, shuddering breath, fighting back tears. She didn’t regret this decision, not at all. No matter how painful it would prove to be.

After all, for her child, she’d do anything.

Chapter Text

The heavy sound of the engines was louder than she remembered, the pressure in her head and in her ears almost painful as the pilot finally reached the right altitude, beginning to coast across the continent to their predetermined destination.

She supposed the trip could be worse; she’d been on this private jet before and never found it uncomfortable. The chairs were cushioned, the cabin was a nice cool temperature, there were plenty of drinks and food on demand, and best of all, she could sit alone. Alone… with Elia. 

Aelin had her legs tucked up on the seat with her, her knees pointed up toward the ceiling, with Elia rested on her lap. It seemed the girl had gotten too much sleep last night because she was completely active now, and completely unaware of what was going on. Instead, she was moving Fee-fu around, in what Aelin assumed was supposed to be an imitation of a dog, making little incoherent animal noises with it.

She knew there’d be a meltdown the moment Elia realized Rowan was missing, but it hadn’t happened yet, so there was still a bit of peace. 

Rowan. Her heart ached at just the thought of him. Right before she’d boarded the plane, he’d texted her. 

> Aelin, don’t do it

> Please don’t do this

> Just come back and we’ll figure something else out

She’d only had time to send back an I’m sorry before Arobynn took her phone, replacing it with a new one that only had one function. Texting and calling him. Not even 911, which she wasn’t sure was legal. Not that he cared. Nope. She had no way of contacting anyone at all. 

He’d covered his tracks well.

Out of the corner of her eye, Aelin glanced over at the seat across the aisle, surreptitiously eying the man sitting there. He looked as casual as could be, a leg crossed over a knee, a newspaper opened and being nonchalantly read, no cares in the world. He’d won after all. What did he need to worry about now?

A soft pressure at her chest made her glance back down, and she saw Elia cuddling into her, Fee-fu abandoned on the chair. She’d made sure to grab the toy when she left, knowing it was the only thing that could possibly keep the girl calm once everything started becoming unfamiliar. She’d never left Doranelle, had never lived anywhere but that apartment. It was bound to be overwhelming.

Seems like it was starting to be.

“Mama,” she whimpered, and Aelin rubbed a hand soothingly up and down her back.

“It’s okay, sweet girl,” she whispered as quietly as possible, “everything is alright, you’re alright, I’m alright.” Lie. “I know this may seem scary,” she continued saying, making sure she couldn’t be heard by the man a few yards away. “But I am going to be here right by your side, okay? Nothing will ever be able to hurt you.” 

Her tone turned more serious, and she pulled her back a little bit so she could stare into those wide turquoise eyes. 

“And there’s something else, too,” she said, keeping her words even quieter. Elia looked nervous, but was rapt with attention, clinging to her mother. “No matter what anyone says, that man over there is not your father.” Her daughter just blinked. “Okay?” She repeated. “Rowan. Rowan is your father, your dada ,” she spoke, her throat tight. “Even if we never see him again, remember that.” 

She had no idea how much of that Elia could even pick up on, but she didn’t care, just pressing a heavy kiss to her forehead before tucking her in close to her chest. Aelin caressed her daughter’s thin locks of hair, letting her curl up in her shirt. It was them against the world, once again.

She attempted to close her eyes and get a bit of rest, but she was entirely too restless for that, so Aelin just stared straight forward, tracing the seams of the leather seat in front of her. 

At least, until the flight attendant walked down the aisle, pausing by her seat.

“May I get you something to drink today, ma’am?” The young woman asked, and Aelin glanced over at her. She couldn’t be much older than Aelin herself. Did she know what the man she worked for was like?

Aelin hoped she didn’t have a reason to know, but also hoped she did so she could know to leave. 

“Um,” she said, gathering her thoughts. Thoughts that were only scattered when Arobynn looked up from his newspaper, eyeing her as she answered. “No, thank you,” she said quietly, “I’m alright.” 

Arobynn raised an eyebrow, his own whiskey on the table by his chair, but Aelin didn’t want to break her sobriety no matter how much a drink could help ease the turmoil in her head. Things were different now; she wasn’t hiding, she was protecting.

He turned back to his newspaper, and she looked back down at her daughter, feeling lighter at the loss of his heavy gaze. 

No one talked for the rest of the flight.

———

The house looked exactly the same from the outside. There was still the perfectly curated lawn, with the long sprawling driveway keeping the street far away from the building itself. There was the grass around the side of the house that she’d made her desperate escape from, slipping out the backdoor and rushing toward the street.

There were the signs of the large woods behind the house, the ones that surrounded it, becoming the only view through the many windows, keeping her trapped and shoved into this space like she was stuck in a snowglobe. But instead of snow falling down on her it was pain, and misery, and shame , and hopelessness, and- breathe, she needed to breathe. 

Aelin sucked in a gulp of air, releasing it slowly and measuredly, lifting her chin and steeling herself as she stared out the car window.

Arobynn still hadn’t said anything, and she didn’t know why. Though she did know that once he did, it wasn’t going to be anything she wanted to hear. She’d just have to be ready for it when it came.

She kept reminding herself to take slow, deep breaths as the car turned down the driveway, the chauffeur, one she didn’t recognize, pulling the car up by the front door and parking there. He’d move the car to the garage once they were both in the house. 

It was how it always went, each step as familiar to her as the scars on her body.

Arobynn didn’t stray from the routine he’d perfectly curated, and therefore, neither did she.

Aelin took another deep breath as she unbuckled Elia from the car seat next to her. A new addition to the sleek, black automobile they’d always driven in. It was more expensive than the one that’d been in Rowan’s car, that Rowan had bought.  Gods . The pure rush of emotion that just the thought of him caused wasn’t going to help anything. It was just going to make everything worse. She didn’t regret telling him she loved him, because it was true, and she didn’t regret sleeping with him, not when he’d made her feel so safe and so comfortable that she was finally able to do what she’d wanted to for weeks now. 

But, they’d crossed that bridge, in more ways than one, and now forgetting about him was going to be even harder. But she’d have to if she ever hoped to have a semi-normal life here.

There was no way she’d ever be able to avoid the same abuse she suffered before, but she’d only make it worse for herself if she was so openly attached to someone else. Arobynn was a prideful being, and a jealous one too. A slight like that would be practically a death wish.

And that would defeat the whole purpose of putting herself back into this hell.

So she pushed the thought of him aside, and got on with pretending everything was okay.

It was late morning by the time they’d landed, and now, stepping out of the car, Aelin could feel the warmth of Rifthold permeating through her thicker clothing. It was only a few hours away from Doranelle by plane, but the temperature shift was noticeable. 

Elia’s eyes were wide with apprehension as Aelin carried her toward the front door, ignoring the weight of Arobynn’s presence behind her, but there was only so much she could hide behind her mask when the door opened and she was shuffled inside. 

Because the moment she stepped one foot in that house, she was taken right back to two years ago, when this house was the only thing she knew. Even though the foyer and subsequent living room was almost three stories tall, she felt it pressing in on her, like the very air was being pulled out of her lungs. 

One breath in, one breath out. She went through the motions, forcing her lungs to do their job as she stalled in the hallway. Her feet slowed to a stop, her heartbeat racing as everything that happened in this damned house hit her all at once. 

Fuck, this was going to be harder than she thought.

“Get cleaned up upstairs,” Arobynn finally said, as he took off his coat to give to the butler. “The nanny will take Elia.”

Her immediate response was to clench her jaw at the sound of her daughter’s name on his tongue. It was disgusting to hear, repulsive even. But then what he said finally hit her. 

“Nanny?” She questioned, turning to look at him. “What nanny?” 

He simply raised a brow, taking a few steps forward toward those grand marble stairs. “The nanny I hired.” 

Aelin shook her head, slowly at first and then gaining speed. “No way. No one but me is raising my daughter. I’m not letting a stranger do anything with her.” She couldn’t be separated from her, no. Gods , no.

“Hmm,” Arobynn interjected, glancing over at the stairs, where an older woman was walking down. “Interesting how you think you have a say in this matter regarding our daughter.”

Aelin wanted to glare, but she kept her face blank, clutching Elia tightly. Especially as an older woman came out from a side room, looking every part the dignified nanny. 

“Good morning, Mrs. Hamel,” the woman addressed, and Aelin very nearly flinched this time, at the name she hadn’t heard in years. The name she’d been running from since then. “My name is Philippa, I’ve been taking care of children for decades now and I promise you your Elia will be perfectly safe in my hands.”

Her voice was soft, yet stern enough to have authority, and Aelin ran a quick assessment with her eyes. She was well put together, her graying hair up in a nice low bun. And she seemed nice, she took the time to introduce herself to Aelin instead of just blindly following Arobynn - but… did that mean she’d trust her with her child?

Hell, no. 

Aelin shook her head, hugging Elia closer. 

“Mama,” her daughter whined, and she rubbed a hand up and down her back. 

“Give the child to her, Aelin ,” Arobynn said firmly, observing from his stand a few feet away. But she just shook her head, the idea of Elia leaving her arms hitting such a deep instinctual nerve in her she couldn’t stop herself from protesting.

And when the nanny took a step forward, Aelin took a step back. 

“You aren’t taking her,” she said, just as firmly. “I won’t let you.” Because there was a difference between leaving her child with Rowan or Emrys, and leaving her with this stranger, in this household. Logically, Aelin knew nothing was likely to happen to Elia, but how in the world could she really know that? And how in the world was she supposed to leave her alone? 

No. She wasn’t going to, unless she was dragged out kicking and screaming. 

Which apparently she was going to be, if the hand suddenly holding her jaw and part of her throat was any indication. She hadn’t even seen him move, but here she was, at his mercy. 

Her heart froze, and she slowly looked up into the angry gray eyes next to her. 

“Stop it.” He said, his voice low and harsh, and when Philippa reached for Elia carefully, Aelin did what he said and let her go, eyes on him the whole time. She didn’t want to be without her, but she wanted Elia to witness her mom getting hurt even less. 

His grip tightened for a second, and she tensed, but then he relaxed, dragging his hand across the skin of her neck. He paused again, and Aelin was tempted to snap at him, but she froze when his finger hooked under the necklace she was wearing.

The necklace she hadn’t taken off since it’d been put on the day before. Gods, it’d only been a day.

“Hm,” he said, as if it was an interesting piece of news. “I wond-”

“Mama!” Elia’s voice pierced, interrupting his musings, and Aelin glanced over, her heart clenching at her daughter’s distressed face. She was thrashing in the other woman’s arms, no matter how much the woman tried to soothe her. Tears were brightening her turquoise eyes, her mouth letting out pained cries.

“She’s not going to calm down unless I hold her,” Aelin said, trying to sound calm and reasonable, not panicked and demanding. “She doesn’t do well with strangers.”

“Mama,” Elia whimpered, right in time, and Philippa kept trying to calm her but Elia was not having it. It was the biggest fuss Aelin had ever seen her make, wiggling and crying and thrashing in the nanny’s arms, and when Philippa turned to Arobynn, a look of what the hell do I do? on her face, Aelin knew it was time to speak again.

“If you just let me hold her, I can take her to her room,” she interrupted, “just let me see her.” 

She turned to Arobynn, and his jaw clenched as he considered, his smooth facade finally ruffled by the piercing cries of a baby. But then he flicked a hand in gesture, releasing his hold on her necklace. Aelin didn’t hesitate before reaching for her daughter, and Philippa passed her to her quickly. 

Elia immediately quieted down, burrowing into Aelin’s sweater. Aelin ran her hand up and down her back, leaning back and forth slightly to rock her side to side. 

Using her thumb, she wiped the tears from her daughter’s face, pressing a kiss to her red hair.

“Everything’s okay, baby,” she whispered to her quietly, “I’m still here, I’m not going anywhere.” A hand on her lower back nudged her forward into motion, and Aelin followed behind Philippa as they made their way to the nursery. 

It was a strange group: an older woman who seemed too nice for this household of hell, a baby who knew nothing here but her mama holding her, Aelin herself, and then the man whose every inch was made up of evil.

They stayed silent as they walked to the nursery, climbing up those same marble stairs and heading not to the left, but to the right, trailing farther and farther away from the master bedroom. Farther and farther away from Aelin.

“This is on the opposite side of the house,” she said quietly, when they reached the door. Elia had completely quieted down, content now that she was with Aelin, but Aelin herself was filling to the brim with words she wanted to say. Words she couldn’t say.

“Nice and peaceful for our little girl,” Arobynn said with a taunting smile, and Aelin squeezed her eyes shut, pushing down the emotions threatening to strike. 

“How - nice,” was all she could get herself to say, croaking the words out, and when Arobynn’s grin only grew, she had to look away. It was for Elia, it was for Elia. 

Philippa opened the door then, and Aelin’s heart squeezed so tight it was painful. 

It was a bedroom straight out of every child’s dreams. Or at least, her child’s dreams. 

It had pale pink walls, and a soft rug, with a nice looking crib and toys . So many toys.

A whole bin of stuffed animals in the corner, a set of complex building blocks that Elia would spend hours on, a few instruments that she could make noise with, and princesses. There were small dolls of every princess Elia had ever seen on TV in passing, had heard about in the books Aelin read to, had stared at and pointed at in the store. 

It was everything Aelin couldn’t afford, everything she’d wanted to provide for her daughter but just hadn’t had the means to. Gods.

“I’ll get her to calm down and stay here,” she said quietly, trying not to sound too dejected. Neither of the other adults said anything as she stepped further into the room, crouching down to kneel on the fluffy rug. 

She set Elia down carefully, but stayed in front of her, staring into her wide blue eyes. 

“This is your new room, baby,” Aelin said quietly, pretending like it was only them there. “Isn’t it pretty? All the nice pink, and all the fancy toys.” She reached over, grabbing a set of blocks. “Here, do you think you can hang out with Philippa here for a little while and play with some blocks?”

Elia just blinked, her lip starting to tremble. Aelin sighed and lifted her up again, but gestured for Philippa to come kneel down next to her. The older woman did with surprising grace, and smiled hesitantly at her.

“Hello there,” she said, looking at Elia now. The little girl just stared back warily, clutching Aelin’s sweater. “My name is Philippa.” She gestured at herself. “And I’m here to watch you while your mama can’t.” Elia couldn’t understand a word she was saying, but Aelin appreciated her at least attempting to connect with the child instead of just ignoring all the cues she was sending out. Elia was sensitive, always had been. And she shut down whenever she didn’t understand or didn’t like what was going on.

Aelin desperately just wanted to stay with her, but she knew it wasn’t possible. And the consequences of ignoring Arobynn’s wishes would be worse for both of them than if she kept Elia away from it all, isolated in her little princess room across the house.

Arobynn didn’t care about her anyway, Elia was just a tool to get to Aelin. She knew that. But it was effective, which is why Aelin just leaned forward and pressed a kiss to her head before passing her to Philippa carefully.

Elia squirmed, whimpering “mama,” but Aelin blinked back her tears, producing Fee-fu from her pocket. Elia latched her eyes onto the toy, and Aelin passed it over easily, pressing it into her tiny hands. 

“I love you, sweet girl,” she whispered, fighting the tightness in her throat, “so much.” She kissed her head again, slowly standing up. “I’ll see you later, okay?”

“Mama,” Elia repeated, still fidgeting a bit in Philippa’s arms, but it was quieter, like she was beginning to accept the change. Aelin wasn’t quite sure she had yet.

But she just loosed a breath, turning toward the door and toward Arobynn, who was leaning against the doorframe, watching the scene with a cool, unreadable expression. With a hint of sardonicism, he gestured for her to walk out the door. 

Aelin followed him, keeping her breaths steady as she left the room, and headed toward gods knew what, not letting herself look back.

In fact, she didn't look back. Not the entire time she headed down that suffocating, endless hallway, walking back toward the room she was sure was still coated in her suffering and despair. 

But she kept her chin up, not giving him the satisfaction of seeing her cower as she took a step inside the master bedroom, forcibly pushing all the memories to the side. 

It was just a room. It was just a room.

She heard him shut the door once he stepped inside - and then they were alone.

Chapter Text

She could hear the blood flowing through her ears, each breath like a thousand decibels as she stared toward the window, hearing that door shut behind him. His presence sucked up all the air, and she was left struggling to get any at all as she stood there, waiting for her inevitable demise.

He took a few steps in her direction, and she tensed, glancing at his reflection in the window, but all he did was open the bathroom door next to her.

“Go shower,” he ordered, nodding his head toward the room. His nose wrinkled in distaste. “You smell like sex. I don’t need the rest of the world knowing how much of a whore you are.”

She clenched her jaw, but turned stiltedly toward the bathroom, not rising to the taunt. It’s true, she probably did smell at least a little bit, she hadn’t showered since she and Rowan… but he was also just saying it to rile her up. And to get a reaction from her that he could then punish. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction.

Once inside the bathroom, Aelin went to close the door behind her, hoping to give herself a bit of separation, but Arobynn caught the door with a hand casually, holding it open. 

“Too many doors is such a hassle isn’t it?” he asked, sardonically, “I prefer a more open concept living space.” His smile was more of a leering baring of his teeth, and Aelin tampered down the uncomfortable feelings rising inside of her. 

She could do this. 

She loosed a breath as she stepped closer to the huge, glass-enclosed shower, kicking off her shoes first. They landed in a pile on the other side of the room, soon followed by her socks. She hesitated then, her heart beating faster, but Arobynn just gestured for her to get on with it.

So she did. Clenching her jaw tightly together, she grasped the bottom of her sweater, not giving herself another moment to hesitate before pulling it over her head, leaving her in just her bra. 

She didn’t look much different than she did a few years ago, though if anything, she’d gained a tad more weight. Food was still scarce when she was on her own, feeding her daughter instead of herself, but she wasn’t purposefully being starved like she had been here. She’d also just aged, and matured, and her body had matured along with her.

At eighteen years old, she hadn’t been anywhere near fully developed, she’d barely entered adulthood, still looking like she could waltz right into the nearest junior, or even sophomore, class at the local high school. Still chubby cheeked and youthful, no matter how old she pretended she was. 

So now, at twenty one, two years since he’d last seen her, she supposed she did look different after all. 

How old would she have to be for him to not like her anymore? Or at least not desire her anymore?

With his tendencies, it’d probably only be a few more years. But she’d still be kept around, for him to do whatever he wanted with. Because he’d seek out other partners for sex, but it was the control over her that he really loved. 

Aelin had had a lot of time to think about this. 

Which was why, as she methodically stripped off her clothes, he wasn’t leering at her body - he was watching her face for any minute changes in her expression as she revealed herself to him. Every inch of her skin, scars and all.

The flush on her face was from both anger and discomfort, but she didn’t let her embarrassment show more than that, keeping her chin up. It’s not like he hadn’t seen this before. 

When she had not a single stitch of clothing on, he gestured toward the shower lazily, and she pushed open the glass door, fighting the urge to scratch at her hand as she turned on the water, shutting the door behind her. The water was cold, but it immediately warmed to the temperature she’d set it too, hitting the sleek tile beneath her feet in a burning wave.

It fogged the glass up enough to hide her from view, giving her that bit of separation she craved. But just the knowledge that he was out there still unsettled her.

Aelin had barely used this shower when she lived here; she’d started migrating to the guest bathroom. But this was the bathroom she’d been vomiting in when she first started to suspect she was pregnant. It was also the bathroom coated with other bad memories that she didn’t like to think about, making it exactly the same as the rest of this damned house.

“Still have those scars, then?” Arobynn asked as she grabbed the shampoo off of the shelf. His shampoo, the only one available. All of her old products were gone, which she knew was purposeful. He wanted her to smell like him. 

“Yep,” she said blandly, scrubbing the shampoo into her wet hair. “I can’t get rid of them.” Skin grafts wouldn’t work, the scars on her back were too deep. Not that he hadn’t tried. He’d never let go of the idea that they marred her, that they were ugly, and she’d be better off without them.

Meanwhile, Rowan had kissed every single one of them last night, murmuring he loved her between each one.

Aelin didn’t particularly like the scars, or the memories attached to them, but they were a part of her, a part she couldn’t erase. 

“Rowan doesn’t mind?” Arobynn pried further, his tone light like he was simply gossipping about her love life. “He’s seen them and everything?” She couldn’t see him, but she could imagine him leaning against the doorframe, just a casual observer to the show.

Aelin finished washing out the shampoo, reaching for the conditioner as she replied. “I smell like sex, don’t I? What do you think?” It was a bit too snarky, and she regretted the words as soon as she said them, but it was too late.

“Whitethorn must be desperate,” was all he said though, and Aelin held back a scoff, spreading the conditioner in her hair. She just wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible. 

She was too vulnerable like this, too trapped. If he decided to come in here… there’d be nothing she could do. Even the self defense lessons Rowan had taught her wouldn’t be of any use if she had nowhere to go after she got free. 

And even if it didn’t happen now, it’d happen at some point. Aelin knew that. She’d accepted that. She’d do anything for her daughter, even if it meant losing herself once again. So why did the thought of it make her feel so unsteady? So … unprepared ?

Whatever; she’d just have to deal with it when it came.

“Are you going to leave him alone?” She asked after a moment. It was a risky question, but she needed to know.

“Do you think I should?” Arobynn asked, though she knew he wouldn’t take whatever opinion she had into account. He was just toying with her emotions yet again.

“He took all his cues from me,” she said flatly, rinsing out the conditioner and reaching for the body wash. “So blame me instead.” Her voice shook a little on the last sentence.

“Oh trust me, darling, I do,” his voice was suddenly harsh, and she looked over at him, catching a glimpse of his face through the steam. “There’s a lot I blame you for.”

There it was. Finally. The hint of anger that’d likely been festering ever since he found out she was gone. 

Aelin hesitated, preparing herself for the storm of emotions. It didn’t come as aggressively as it could’ve. Yet it was still lethal. 

But as quickly as his anger had sprung, it was wiped away. 

“But no matter, we have places to be,” he said flippantly, pushing off the doorframe to exit toward the bedroom. “Hurry up and get dressed, we’re on a schedule. Lysandra’s waiting for you in the other room.” 

And then he was gone. 

——-

The room was quiet except for the sounds of the makeup clinking around as Lysandra searched through her giant toolkit of things, pulling out a bottle of foundation and a blender brush. 

Neither of them said a word as the stylist made up her face, brushing the thick liquid across her cheeks and forehead before beginning to blend it in. It was a process Aelin was familiar with, one she’d gone through many times before. 

But instead of the biting taunts and insults back and forth, it was silent. Bugging Lysandra was one of the last things on her mind right now, and it seemed it was the same the other way around. In fact, the other girl seemed almost nervous, which Aelin didn’t understand.

But Aelin wasn’t really thinking about it, her mind was off in a little princess room down the hall.

“This foundation isn’t the right color anymore,” she said after a moment, her voice shaky and her hands trembling. Aelin just blinked.

“Yeah, it’s snowy in Doranelle,” she answered blandly, “You can’t tan.” Her hands rested in her lap, messing with the ties of the silk robe she’d donned after drying off. 

“It’s not going to cover it up properly,” the brunette added, setting the brush down. Aelin frowned, but looked over in the mirror and realized.

“Oh,” she said, shaking her head, “just do your best.” 

Lysandra hesitated, but nodded, spreading some of the foundation down toward her neck. Where there were unmistakable red fingerprints. 

It was already bruising.

Aelin detached herself from it completely, from the sight of bruises on her skin once again, because otherwise she’d utterly fall apart. So that skin wasn’t her skin, those bruises weren’t her bruises. None of this was real.

“I owe you an apology,” Lysandra said quietly, after a couple more silent minutes. She’d moved onto her eyes now, so Aelin couldn’t see her, her eyes closed. Maybe that’s what gave the stylist the courage to speak now. “I was blind before, and I was an utter bitch because of it.”

Aelin didn’t say anything, too shocked by the words. And her frozen face didn’t convey anything either.

“I’ve been here for the last two years, just doing nothing,” she added, carefully drawing some subtle eyeliner onto Aelin’s eyelids. “He kept paying me to show up at the same time I always did when you were here, and just sit around until it was time to leave. Like he never admitted you were gone.”

She cracked open her eyes at that slightly, disrupting Lysandra’s work. 

“Do you know why I left?” She questioned, almost as a test. The stylist hesitated, but nodded firmly. 

“And I’m glad you did,” she said, and Aelin’s lips curled up just the slightest bit on the edges. “I’m so sorry for the way I acted before, I was just jea-”

“You don’t have to explain yourself,” Aelin interrupted, opening her eyes all the way. Lysandra sat back, a wary look on her face. “Trust me, I understand how manipulative he can be.” She made sure to keep her voice calm and steady, trying to show that she really was trying to be supportive. 

A few years ago she probably would’ve scoffed and rolled her eyes, with attitude enough to dissuade Lysandra completely, but a lot had changed since then. 

“And besides,” she added lightly, smiling a bit, “I was a bitch right back for a while there.” A laugh escaped the stylist, surprising both of them. But Lysandra’s smile faded quickly.

“But I wasn’t being…” she trailed off, and Aelin sighed, fidgeting with the tie of the robe to avoid digging her nails into her hand.

“Abused?” She asked, smiling without any humor. “You can say it.” But then a thought struck her. “What changed your mind?”

Lysandra frowned in contemplation, fiddling with an eyeshadow brush. “You leaving gave me a bit of perspective. No one ever admitted you ran away, but it was obvious, and I wondered why anyone would run away from a life as secure and wealthy as this, which made me realize there must be something else going on.” 

Aelin waited for her to say the rest of the words nearly spilling out of her lips.

“And it just made me realize everything all at once, everything I missed and ignored,” Lysandra continued, her words faster and a little more distraught. “And I -”

“Did he do something to you?” Aelin interrupted darkly, a deep feeling of dread settling in her. “Is that what made you aware of it?” Gods, please don’t let that be true. If by her leaving, she’d exposed other people to the same sort of horror she’d gone through… 

“Not exactly,” the stylist confirmed, though it was practically in a whisper. “Never anything actually, just little comments here and there. Just enough to make me question everything .”

“I’m sorry,” Aelin felt the need to say, though it wasn’t as simple as that. Lysandra immediately shook her head.

“Don’t apologize,” she insisted, “please. I don’t think I can stand it if you do.” 

Aelin didn’t know what to say to that, so she didn’t say anything, glancing over at the door of the dressing room. It was shut, leaving them in a bit of privacy, no Arobynn in sight. Good.

“Why did you come back?” Lysandra said quietly after another moment of silence. “What did he do?”

Aelin’s chest squeezed tightly at the words, at the pure devastation and fear he was willing to bring down on her. “He threatened to take away my baby,” she said tightly, her words thick with unshed tears. “He threatened to take her away from me if I didn’t come back.” 

She pressed a hand to her chest and took a few deep breaths, trying to keep the emotions in. Each breath got caught in her throat though, too thick with tears. She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to soothe herself.

“Elia, right?” Lysandra asked gently, and Aelin nodded tightly. “She’s adorable.”

“Thank you,” was her automatic response. But then, “wait, when did you see her?” Had Philippa taken her out of the room? Where was she? What was she doing? 

It was panic squeezing her chest now, especially as Lysandra hesitated. 

“Lysandra -” Aelin started to say, but she was interrupted.

“The fourth door on the right, second floor,” Lysandra said, almost sounding angry as she grabbed the eyeshadow brush. “Check there, and you’ll see what really changed my mind about everything.”

Aelin stared at her, the information whirring through her brain. She’d never been in that room, though she’d seen it thousands of times. Arobynn had told her not to go inside, so she didn’t. She’d never thought to break his rule.

But now… well, it seemed like she needed to.

-----------

Aelin didn’t get a chance to before she was being shuffled out the front door and into the car. Arobynn didn’t tell her where they were going, but that wasn’t unusual. Most of the time she was left in the dark unless he was driving. 

His sleek black sports car sat in the garage a large majority of the time, and if he was driving that, then Aelin knew exactly where she was going.

So she was grateful that was not the case at the moment.

Instead, with the clothes she was wearing and the emails Arobynn was currently responding to on his phone while they drove, she could piece it together.

The office. 

Aelin wasn’t sure why she was being taken there, but with the ironed blouse and the freshly pressed pencil skirt she was wearing, paired with a pair of professionally appropriate heels, she looked like she was ready for a day at work. 

The car ride to the downtown office building wasn’t a terribly long one, but it felt like eternity, especially with the way her stomach was grumbling. 

It was nearing three in the afternoon, and she hadn’t eaten anything all day. He’d eaten lunch, but she’d been getting her face and her hair made up, and when she was ready to go, she hadn’t been given the chance to eat, or even offered any food. 

Almost like it was purposeful. Just another passive form of punishment. 

She wouldn’t show that it bothered her. That would just give him more power.

It still felt like he had all the power though, especially when the chauffeur parked outside the towering Hamel-King real estate building. Her parents’ old building and now his. The divide was up in the car, leaving them alone as he set down his phone and turned to her. 

The weight of his gray eyes felt like a million tons pressing down on her. 

“You are going to do exactly as I say, and nothing else, otherwise you’re never going to see your daughter again, do you understand?” he asked, in a firm voice that left no room for negotiation. Aelin found herself nodding without thinking, already convinced by the words never going to see your daughter again. 

She didn’t know if that was a threat to her or to Elia, but either way it shot a bolt of fear through her.

“Okay,” he said, eyes staring straight through her soul. “We’re going to go into the building, and you’re not going to say a word to anyone. Anyone, did you get that?” She pursed her lips, but nodded again. “You’re just going to smile and look happy and stay fucking silent .”

She nearly winced at the harsh words but didn’t say anything, just nodded again. Before a thought struck her.

“Where do they think I’ve been for the last two years?” She asked carefully, keeping her eyes wide and innocent, “just in case it’s somehow brought up.”

Arobynn narrowed his eyes, but eventually he answered, after a tense moment of silence. “Managing your parents’ assets in Eyllwe, as well as taking some time for yourself,” he said, his tone turning mocking, “you were so young after all, when they died, it hit you harder than you expected.” Aelin’s stomach sank at the words, at the swirling truth of them. “But it shouldn’t come up,” he said flippantly, “and if it does then-”

“Divert the conversation away,” she said without thinking, “Yeah, I get it.” His eyes darkened dangerously at the interruption, and her heart thumped painfully, every nerve on a hairpin trigger. But he let it slide, simply opening the car door and climbing out. 

Aelin’s knee was bouncing as she waited for him to come around and open hers, all for appearance’s sake. And his hand rested appropriately high on her back as he led her into the building, the same building she’d stepped foot in so many times before it became monotonous as they walked toward the glass elevator, stepping inside and flying up each floor before reaching the one where the main offices lay.

People stopped and stared at her as she took a step onto the floor from the elevator, and she immediately felt the dozens of gazes on her, settling into her with a heavy weight that made her sink with the anxiety of it all. Her eyes bounced back and forth across the room, her breaths shortening as her entire nervous system short-circuited.

She couldn’t do this, she couldn’t do-”

“Elia’s counting on you,” Arobynn whispered next to her, “you won’t disappoint her, right?”

Aelin was shaking, but she took a deep breath, painting a thick smile on her face. It didn’t seem like any of her parents’ employees believed it, a lot of suspicious eyes and downtrodden looks staring back at her, but she did as she was told, smiling and nodding at them as Arobynn directed her past the main group of desks, toward one of the offices in the back.

It seemed like he was parading her around, though she didn’t understand why. But it wasn’t her place to question it. So she didn’t. 

Not as she finished the show, walking next to the boss of the whole company and finally settling in a plush chair in an office she recognized vividly. Arobynn’s office.

He didn’t say a word to her, except “stay silent” as they waited for something she didn’t know. A question that was soon answered when Darrow walked through the door, settling into the chair across from Arobynn’s, the desk separating them. Aelin was off to the side, against the wall, like a silent spectator in this battle of wills.

Darrow glanced at her, surprise clear in his eyes, an expression that soon turned into a deep sadness she didn’t quite understand, but he didn’t dare say anything to her, not when Arobynn took hold of the conversation, steering it toward where he wanted it to go.

Business.

And Aelin quickly understood the purpose of her being here. More business. She didn’t understand half of what they were talking about, the real estate jargon and the complicated legal side of things that went over her head, but she got the main idea, harkening back to a conversation she’d heard ages ago, in a different setting, with a different man.

Strikes, and discontent, and bartering for better working hours and better pay structures and an overall better work environment, more focused on the employees rather than the revenue they brought in. A balance needed to exist between keeping the business viable and keeping the employees happy and healthy, and Arobynn, it seems, hadn’t found it. Or hadn’t cared to find it.

Her parents had. Aelin hadn’t paid attention to the business very much, but she’d known that just from talking to some of the employees all those years ago. However complicated her feelings toward her parents were, she knew they were good bosses.

Maybe not the best parents, but good bosses.

The employees from Kingsflame respected her parents, and respected the Galathynius name. And didn’t respect Arobynn. Which was why she was here. 

A little show pony for Arobynn to parade around, a Galathynius who was at his side, supporting him and his business decisions, just like she supposedly had when the companies originally merged three years ago. It didn’t matter if she wasn’t a part of any of this shit anymore, the people thought she was, so Arobynn was going to use it to his advantage.

It was an interesting show of almost weakness on his part, but Aelin didn’t have it in her to care about it. She just cared about Elia. And if being a godsdamned show pony meant Elia was safe… well, she’d be the best of them all.

So she smiled pleasantly whenever Darrow looked at her with that sad, suspicious gaze of his, and she stayed silent even when Arobynn had to get up and take a phone call, narrowing his eyes at her as he left the room, as if silently forcing her to follow what he said. Not that she would break his rules anyway.

When the door shut behind him, silence fell over the room, and she could feel the tension pricking along every inch of her skin. It was a creature growing and stretching its wings, taking up all the air in the room and in her lungs and leaving her gasping for a-

“Aelin,” Darrow said, and she blinked, coming back into the present and looking over at him. “I know this isn’t what it seems, I know your parents had no assets in Eyllwe. What’s really going on? Where have you been?” A momentary pause. “Is that a bruise on your neck?” His voice sounded sad again.

Aelin just blinked again, unsure of what to say, and processing the fact that he’d dared to say something at all. He was looking at her from his chair across the desk, those brown eyes just a little bit older but the same as they’d always been, harsh but with that clear hint of kindness just under the surface.

“What can I do to help?” He asked when she didn’t say anything, still shocked at the desperation in his voice. And she wanted to answer, she wanted to tell him, and yet … Elia. 

If Arobynn found out, if he knew she’d dared say anything, then the entire purpose of coming back here would be ripped away. She’d lose her daughter and she’d lose everything good in her life, falling back to the pit of despair she’d only climbed out of because of her daughter.

Her brain begged her to tell him, but her heart begged her to stop. So all that came out was a strangled “I -”, just as Arobynn walked back through the door, tucking his phone back in his suit jacket. 

He looked between the pair of them, his eyes narrowed, but she just smiled absently, acting like nothing was amiss. Darrow did the same, already back to the smooth business persona he’d had on during the whole meeting.

And her last bit of unwitting, lingering hope for a way out of this hell… died.

-----

Dinner that evening was a terse affair. Aelin had been allowed to see Elia, which she was incredibly relieved about. Philippa had dropped her off at the dining table, in a little high chair next to Aelin’s, and Aelin helped feed her her dinner: some mashed potatoes and applesauce, and a little bit of ground beef.

Elia seemed happy enough, which boosted her confidence in Philippa just a little bit. Though Elia was still overjoyed to see her mother, a feeling Aelin returned just as much.

Her own plate had a singular bread roll on it, compared to Arobynn’s whole filet mignon and side of green beans, a glass of wine accompanying it. Of course, Aelin had a glass of wine as well, but it was untouched. 

And it stayed untouched through the whole meal, whose silence was only punctured by Elia’s babbles. 

When the meal was over, it physically pained Aelin to see Elia get taken away again, but at least she was promised bedtime in about half an hour, once Philippa got her ready for bed. It was something Aelin should be doing, but she’d take what she could get.

Elia would raise hell if Aelin didn’t kiss her goodnight, but it still didn’t guarantee anything. Arobynn could take her away whenever he felt like it.

So she shut up and didn’t complain, just hugging Elia tight before she was taken back to her little princess room, leaving Aelin alone again. Well, alone with Arobynn. 

But only until he sent her back upstairs when his phone rang, storming off into a side room as he took yet another work call. The conversation with Darrow rolled through her mind. 

When she was sure he was completely occupied, Aelin slipped up the marble stairs quietly, turning not left toward the bedroom, but right. She didn’t know how long Arobynn would be gone, but this was likely her only opportunity to see what Lysandra was talking about. And she needed to.

She needed to so much it was pulling at her insides, almost dragging her down the hallway and to the fourth door on the right side. It looked just like every other door on this floor, but her heart was hammering as she gently grasped the handle, turning it and slowly opening it. The hinges didn’t creak, and she loosed a breath as she slipped inside.

And froze. 

She didn’t understand what she was seeing. Or she did but she didn’t want to. She didn’t want to comprehend what was right in front of her eyes. 

The room was the size of a large closet, and the walls were filled with monitors, all playing black and white video recordings. But they weren’t recordings, they were live streams . Her eyes traced over them, feeling like she was going to vomit.

It was security footage. All of it. She knew she was recorded in this house, that had never been a surprise to her. So the monitors on the left side, all of various places in the house, weren’t a shock. No.

Those weren’t what was causing such a visceral reaction in her she thought she was going to pass out. It was the other screens. 

Her eyes widened as they glanced over the rest of them, recognizing the different spaces on them. Gods. Gods. 

A shaking hand came up to cover her mouth, her other hand scrunching in the material of her shirt over her stomach, like she was just trying to hold herself together instead of letting herself fall apart. 

Because… because there on the screens -

It was her apartment.

Chapter Text

“What the fuck,” was the first thing out of her mouth, both her hands dropping to clutch the material of her shirt. “What the fuck, what the fuck, WHAT THE FUCK!” She shouted, beginning to hyperventilate.

“Oh my gods,” she took a step back, eyes glued to the screens. There was her living room, with the couch she sat on everyday, the TV she’d had to scrounge for. And there was her kitchen, with its old appliances and its dated countertops. 

And there was the guest bathroom, and then Aelin’s bathroom, and her bedroom, and Elia’s bedroom and oh gods she was going to pass out or throw up or something . 

He’d been watching her this whole time. This whole fucking time. 

“Oh my gods,” she breathed, shaking her head. “Fuck. Fuck.” She squeezed her hands into fists in her shirt, venting the utter horror and frustration running through her veins. 

And anger. She was angry. It was a hot kind of anger, boiling through her veins and spilling through her nerves and eating up her insides. How dare he, how fucking dare he?

It was that completely overwhelming thought that made her storm up to the sleek keyboard on the desk, tapping aggressively at the keys in her rage, trying to do something to turn those damned cameras off. 

But the screens frustratingly stayed on, the unblinking images of her supposed safe haven mocking her from their place on the wall. And she snapped, yanking the keyboard from the desk and throwing it at one of the screens with an anguished shout. 

It hit the screen and fell to the ground with a crash, a tiny crack splintered the surface, the video footage winking out. But it was only one of dozens . Aelin was hyperventilating through her clenched teeth, reaching to full on start yanking screens from off the walls, when a hand wrapped around her bicep, dragging her out of the room. 

She stumbled over her feet as she was pulled out of the security room, the world hazing around her in a swirl of colors as she panted, losing almost all control over herself as she felt her body being thrown roughly. She hit the wall face first, a sickening crunch in her nose making her eyes water and her very bones sting. 

Aelin panted, her hands landing roughly on the hard floor as she caught herself, her legs crumpling under her. Black spots encroached on her vision, and she blinked them away, heaving for air. But a hand gripped her arm again, yanking her off the ground.

“ Get the hell up ,” Arobynn cursed at her, puncturing the haze she was in. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

She kept panting for air, barely balancing on her feet as she leaned against the wall for support, red and tan swirling in front of her, features of his face twisting in anger shoving its way through her hazy eyes. 

“I left you alone for one minute and you’re already fucking causing chaos ,” he continued berating her, getting in her space, not worrying about the volume of his attack. Aelin wasn’t surprised, no one else was in this area of the house at this hour, besides Elia and Philippa. The thought sent a bolt of panic through her, panic that quickly turned into her own anger.

“What do you expect ?” She spit, breathing heavily as she brought a hand up to her nose, smearing the blood spilling from it as she tried to wipe it away. “How fucking dare you?”

Alarm bells went off in her head, but she was too dizzy with pain and with anger to register them. To register what she was saying and how he would take it. What he could do.

His eyes darkened dangerously. But she just kept going.

“You have cameras - in my apartment ?” She yelled, still catching her breath. “How fucking dare you?” She repeated, her voice breaking a bit.

Arobynn just smirked, stepping closer and pressing her into the wall. “Well, what do you expect, my dear wife?” He crooned, dragging a knuckle down her cheek. “I needed to make sure you were doing alright.” 

She yanked her head away from him, her eyes wild. “How long have you been watching me?” She demanded, needing to know. 

“Hm,” he said, tilting his head, “now why would I tell you that? I’d rather leave you to figure it out yourself.” He got closer to her, and she tried to move away, but his hand snaked into the base of her hair, gripping it and pulling her head back, running his nose up her throat.

Aelin shuddered, every nerve on edge at the feeling of him so close to her. 

“Get. Away. From. Me,” she said sharply, keeping the tension lining her words. And to her surprise, he did. The anger was disguised in his eyes, covered by a veneer of arrogance. And she braced herself as he rubbed his jaw, a smirk on his face, words pouring out of him like poison from a goblet.

“You and Whitethorn put on quite the show last night, I can’t lie,” he crooned, and she froze, utter horror spilling through her veins.

“No,” she breathed, shaking her head once. Arobynn just smirked again.

“Yes,” he said, nonchalantly. Her ears started ringing, her breaths shallow. Fuck, fuck, fuck. “Could’ve been better, but it’s been awhile for you, I’m sure you’re a little rusty.” Her chest ballooned with emotion, filling every inch of her veins until she was shaking with it. “But don’t worry,” he added, either ignoring or not even noticing how on edge she was, how close she was to doing something , which was why he said what he did. “I’ll fix that.”

Without thinking, she spat at him. 

Silence fell over the room, and she watched with wide eyes and heavy breaths as he paused, slowly lifting his hand to wipe the glob of spit on his cheek. Tension brewed like a storm as he lowered his hand, looking at it for a moment before ever so slowly lifting his gaze back to hers. 

Before she could take another breath, his hand was around her throat, pinning her to the wall. Aelin choked, gasping for air as his hand tightened, scratching at his wrist to try and pull him away. 

“You’re constantly disrespecting me,” he growled, “constantly thinking you know better.” He moved her away from the wall and shoved her back into it, the back of her head bouncing off of the drywall. Tears slipped out of her eyes as she tried catching her breath. “And I will not tolerate it, do you understand me?” 

She struggled, trying to move away from him, her elbow slipping up. An idea struck her, a lesson from a time long past. What are your strongest points? 

“ Do you understand me ?” He hissed at her, hand digging into her throat, and Aelin shifted, managing to slip her arm under his. His eyes were wild with anger, staring deep at hers, and with him distracted, she brought her elbow up quickly, hitting the soft skin on the underside of his jaw. 

It surprised him enough for him to loosen his grasp, and she sucked in a deep breath of air, tears wet on her face as she pushed away from him. 

“Don’t touch me,” she rasped, every breath sharp in her lungs. “Don’t you dare touch me.” Her voice was weak, but her anger was clear. He’d known she had sex with Rowan. He’d watched her. And then had rubbed it in her face, yet another attempt to get more power over her. 

“Don’t I dare?” Arobynn asked, tilting his head and narrowing his eyes. “ Don’t I dare ?” Aelin panted, still trying to catch her breath, and took a step back as he took one forward. “Do we want to go ask Elia what she thinks? What she’d prefer I dare to do?” 

Aelin hesitated, clenching her jaw to hide the bolt of fear that went through her. And she stayed silent.

“No?” Arobynn replied, clicking his tongue, “that’s what I thought”. She’d let her emotions get the best of her, she couldn’t do that again, not with everything at stake. Even if they were still pushing at the dam, ready to rush out in a tidal wave sure to drown everything in the vicinity should they get free.

But she stayed still as he set his hand on her waist, stepping forward and pushing her back into the wall, trapping her between the drywall and his body. Her heart thumped painfully. She wanted to squeeze her eyes shut and just avoid thinking about whatever this was until it was over, but she resisted the urge, staring him right in the eyes instead, a silent form of protest. 

His hand slid down to her hip, squeezing it roughly, and she tried to hold back the way she flinched at the feeling, but it seemingly didn’t work, if the look on his face was any indication.

“I think you need reminding of what a real man can do,” he hissed, and she barely had time to prepare herself before his mouth crashed against hers, pushing her back into the wall as he forcibly opened her lips, shoving his tongue inside. 

Aelin couldn’t help but wince, thrashing to try and move away from him. But he was too strong. And she was hungry, and tired, and already injured; there wasn’t much she could do to get away.

She should just let it happen, she was supposed to just let it happen… but she couldn’t. 

His tongue had invaded her mouth, his body pressing hers into the wall, and she kept thrashing until she managed to yank her head away from the kiss. But she only met a slap when she did, ricocheting her head the other way. 

She blinked away the pain, breathing heavily, and when she managed to clear her vision, she paused. There, down the hallway, was Lysandra, staring at them with an expression similar to a deer in headlights.

Aelin knew it was clear what was going on, with the slap and the bloody nose and the fingerprints on her neck, and from the other girl’s face, she understood the situation. And also knew she wasn’t supposed to.

“What are you still doing here?” Arobynn said down the hallway, straightening and stepping away from her. Lysandra’s eyes darted between the two of them, and Aelin watched her visible conflict before her face settled into one of calm anger. She hid it well, disguising it behind a mask. Aelin wouldn’t have recognized it if it wasn’t the same expression that stared back at her from the mirror every day.

“I was going through some of her wardrobe to see what could be refreshed,” Lysandra answered, keeping her chin up, “Like you’d instructed me to.”

Arobynn narrowed his eyes, but there wasn’t much he could do to argue, if her words were true. The pile of clothes in her arms helped prove her declaration, same with the way she’d exited from the dressing room. 

But there was still a heavy tension in the room, and Aelin could feel it soaking in the silence. 

And then a baby’s cries pierced the air, setting all of her instincts on high alert. Her eyes darted down the other side of the hallway, and she succumbed to the need to go and soothe her daughter, not waiting for anyone’s permission before rushing toward the nursery.

She burst through the door, ignoring Philippa as she reached into the crib, carefully lifting Elia into her arms. The little girl was clearly upset, her face twisted in anguish and her limbs thrashing a bit as she cried. But Aelin held her close, rocking slightly from side to side.

“Hey sweet girl,” she whispered, “everything’s okay, everything’s alright.” She rubbed a hand up and down her back. “Mama’s still here, mama’s with you.” She leaned in and pressed a kiss to her forehead, before tucking her into her chest, trying to soothe her with the contact. 

“Mama,” Elia whined, and Aelin shushed her softly, caressing her hair gently. 

“You’re alright,” she said quietly, resting her cheek on her daughter’s head. She rocked a little from side to side, turning around on herself. Arobynn was standing in the doorway, an unreadable expression on his face, but Aelin didn’t let herself hesitate, continuing to soothe her daughter back to sleep. 

Elia whined a bit more but she soon settled back down, not quite asleep but entering a stage of near sleep, a lot calmer than she’d been a few moments before. Aelin wanted to clutch her tighter and hold her all night just to make sure she slept well and was safe, but Arobynn just raised his brows and gestured toward Philippa lazily.

And she knew what she had to do. So with a flat face, Aelin stepped carefully toward the nanny, passing her daughter gently into the older woman’s arms. 

“I’m sorry,” Philippa whispered quietly, so quietly Arobynn couldn’t hear, and Aelin just nodded, stepping back away from the woman. Elia didn’t like that one bit.