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Rusty stared at his left hand, fisted in the dirt, with his helmet laying just beyond.
He lay on his stomach, chestplate already grimy with loose dirt, struggling to expand and allow his straining lungs to pull in air. The numbness was sharp and narrowed his attention to straight ahead of him, aware of nothing below his shoulders. The whole world seemed to no longer exist. It had been so loud minutes ago. The sounds of the other racing engines loud in his ears, the blurring colors as he ran down the track faster then he'd ever thought possible. Adrenaline and giddiness roaring through his veins, shocked excitement as he slipped ahead of Greaseball, having to force himself not to look back and see the diesel's reaction as he passed.
And the shocking weightlessness, blacking out as his shoulders slammed into something. Waking up like this, struggling to breathe with his face in the dirt with his vision blurring and confused and numb all over.
“RRUUSSTTYY!!!!!”
Worry pieced through the fog in his brain. Pearl. That was Pearl. Starlight, she sounded so scared. Had something happened to her?
The sound of wheels speeding through dirt drew his attention, followed by a dull thud. Hands touched him, the feeling of long gentle fingers against his plating instantly recognizable as Pearl's startling against the numbness consuming him. The hands tightened around his shoulders.
“Stop that!” an unfamiliar voice shouted and Pearl's hands instantly disappeared from his shoulders. The soft sound of flesh hitting flesh was like thunder in his ears.
Someone had hit Pearl! How dare they!
Rusty struggled to push himself up. But he went nowhere. His hand remained in front of his face, refusing to obey him.
“What?” Pearl demanded from above him, voice shaky with tears.
“Don't move him until we are sure his spine is undamaged.” The unfamiliar voice commanded, authoritative and sharp. Rusty felt like he should recognize it. “Wrench!” The stranger called, voice echoing out across the yard. “Get over here!”
The sound of someone else rushing over reached Rusty and from the corner of his eyes he caught a flicker of bright metallic cloth. Fingers touched the base of his skull, firm and professional yet strangely cool and reassuring.
Wrench.
Wrench was a repair truck for . . . for . . . someone. It was strange for him to be tending to him. He didn't work for the yard. Besides, Rusty wasn't hurt. Just dazed and numb.
“He is safe to move.” A voice declared from above him, coolly professional yet undeniably kind. The voice of a healer. That must be Wrench too.
He was distracted from his thoughts by hands grabbing him, two on his waist and two on his shoulders. He was rolled awkwardly onto his back, shoulders lifted slightly off the ground. His head and shoulders flopped down to rest on Pearl's lap. He knew it was her even though he couldn't make her out at first, his eyes struggling to focus against the bright lights beating down on him. He recognized the smoothness of her plating beneath his head and the rose perfume that always clung faintly to her hair.
His vision slowly cleared and he blinked uncertainly. Pearl was staring down at him, tears streaming down her cheeks and pretty face twisted with worry. Another face hovered over him, silver pale and very serious. Wrench. That must be Wrench.
“Oh, Starlight, he's conscious!” a voice exclaimed from somewhere close by, choking back a sob. It was Dinah. He'd never heard her sound like that before. It scared him.
“Let me go!” Someone shouted, angry and shrill.
“Don't you dare go near him!” Another voice snarled in response.
A voice that made him tense. It was one of the diesels, Gear. He had never heard Gear sound so angry.
“I said let me go!” C.B. shouted – the other voice was C.B. Strange that Rusty hadn't recognized him at first. “I didn't mean for this to happen! I never wanted this to happen! Oh, Midnight Bullet take me, I swear I didn't mean it!” The Red Caboose's voice broke off in a strangled sound, guttural sobs mixing with the sound of Dinah weeping.
C.B. never cried. Never. He couldn't remember him crying ever.
Rusty tried once again to push himself up, worry for his friend and racing partner filling him. Again his body refused to listen, not even twitching. He remained still and limp in Pearl's lap. One of her arms cradled him, a hand on his chest while one hand stroked his hair.
That . . . felt really nice. He couldn't remember the last time someone had held him so tenderly.
Above him, Pearl looked at Wrench with eyes wide and oh so scared. “Can you help Rusty?” she asked the repair truck, a pleading note in her voice.
Help him?
Why would he need help?
Was he hurt?
Rusty glanced down at himself in confusion. And his whole world came crashing down.
“HHHAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!”
The howl exploded from him, mouth aching as it struggled to stretch enough to accommodate the sound of a soul breaking. The pain of his ruined body hit him like a tidal wave. How in Starlight's name had he not felt it before?!
His body was gone. Everything below his hips was gone. His legs . . . his legs were gone. Scrap metal was spread out across the ground, bit and pieces of his body scattered out beside the track. A horrific trail leading to where he lay now.
He twisted his head sharply to press his mouth against Pearl's arm, desperately muffling the sound of his screams. He screwed his eyes shut, tears running down his cheeks as if they would never stop. The agony of his injury, now that it had hit him, threatened to drown him in darkness.
This was why his body had refused to obey him earlier. It was no longer there.
Grief and horror consumed him and he whimpered against Pearl's arm.
He had been so close to winning and now he'd never be able to race again. His dreams had been snatched away seconds from him achieving them.
His life was over. He couldn't do his job like this, he was now as useless as Greaseball and his gang had always claimed him to be.
Why had this happened?
“I didn't want this!” C.B. shouted from somewhere off to the side, sobbing loudly and voice thick with guilt. “I swear I never wanted this!”
Guilt.
The memory of the crash returned with startling clarity.
The thrill of passing Greaseball cutting off abruptly as the Red Caboose braked sharply at his back and the hands gripping his couplers let go.
C.B.
C.B. had made him crash.
C.B. had done this to him.
He forced his eyes opened, looking around Pearl's arm to stare at the Red Caboose through agonized tears.
The red train was struggling against Gear, sobbing his heart out. The diesel's expression angry yet not without sympathy.
But Rusty only had eyes for C.B.
“I didn't mean for this to happen.” C.B. swore brokenly, hanging limply from Gear's restraining grip, strength spent and for all intents and purposely ignored by the other trains. “I didn't mean it!”
“Then why did you do it?”
C.B.'s head snapped up in shock at the weak question, stricken. He caught only a flash of over bright blue eyes before the broken figure in Pearl's lap went limp. Rusty at last passing out, unconsciousness a small mercy to the agony he must be in.
If you could call it mercy. Given the state he was in, his future likely only held unspeakable agony. His legs were gone, shattered into a million pieces on the track. His right arm reduced to a stump along with them.
“I didn't want this.” he gasped
“Then why?” Dinah demanded, tearing herself from Greaseball's arms and spinning on him. The Dining Car's expression was angry and hurt as she glared down at him, accent thick with emotion. “Why, C.B.?!”
“It was just a bit of fun.” he protested weakly, voiced dazed and staring at the ground with unseeing eyes, replaying the horrible moment Rusty's body had burst apart in his mind. “Just a derailment. Just a bit of fun.”
“Fun?! You nearly killed him!”
C.B. tore himself free of Gear's hold and spun on her. “I didn't mean to hurt him!” He shouted desperately. “I may be a cheater but I'm not a murderer! I never meant for this to happen!” The Red Caboose looked around wildly, desperate. Surely they believed him.
But the other trains drew back in disgust.
C.B. stared at them with wide eyes, shocked and hurt. “I never wanted his blood on my hands!” he exclaimed frantically.
“You may not have to worry about that.” Wrench stated.
All of the gathered trains turned to stare at the electric repaired trunk in surprise. Wrench had a hand on Rusty's brow, examining his expression intently.
“You mean you can fix this?” Pearl asked, eyes wide with desperate hope.
“It is possible.” Wrench said and glanced at their boss.
Electra gave a clipped nod, giving his permission.
Wrench immediately rose to his feet. “Krupp.” They snapped and gestured to the armament truck. “Bring him. We need to start right away.”
The burly electric train scooped the steam engine's ruined body into his arms and followed the repair truck away. Pearl followed close behind, the rest of the yard following after.
Leaving C.B. alone.
The Red Caboose sank to his knees, oblivious to the tears that continued to trail down his cheek. He hadn't went for this to happen. Yes, he was a cheater. He thrived on chaos and loved nothing better then crashing other trains, making them them derail. He had once caused a ten train pile up and laughed for joy. He was responsible for more broken bones and suffering then most and was proud of it. Under any other circumstances he'd be gloating over the successful deception and derailment. He had been so ridiculously pleased with himself when Rusty had gone flying for the track. His cleanest bit of work, no one would ever suspect.
And then Rusty's leg had exploded upon impact, limbs flying off in every which way and pieces of his body scattered all over.
It was the most horrific thing C.B. had ever seen.
And now his whole world was falling down around his ears.
He could have kept his mouth shut and everything would have been fine. No one would have known except Greaseball, he could have blackmailed the diesel into keeping silent. He was an accomplice, after all.
But no.
C.B. had been so emotional he'd blabbed. He'd be shunned if not outright kicked out of the Apollo Victoria. No one would take him in after everything he'd done. His life was over.
And it was all his fault.
And for what?
Just a bit of fun.
Causing crashes was fun. It was fun to cause crashes and chaos and knock people down a peg.
Funny, that seemed like a perfectly good reason at the time. Now though? It just felt like another smack down. Like he was providing the cage and locking himself in, throwing the keys into the river himself.
He had no hope of forgiveness or redemption.
No way to fix this or make it up.
He was alone.
And it was all his fault.
Something niggled in the back of his mind. Something Poppa had said. Something Poppa had said about when someone was at their worst, at their lowest. When they had no where else to turn.
“Starlight Express.” he breathed.
Yes, that was it. Call on the Starlight Express, when you're down and you're out.
But no.
No, he had no right.
All the bad things had been his fault. He had no right to seek comfort. Rusty's death was his fault. He deserved everything that was going to happen to him.
But he hadn't meant it!
He swore he hadn't meant it!
He never wanted any of this to happen!
C.B. grabbed the sides of his head, gripping his hair in fists and wailing as if his soul was splitting in two.
“STARLIGHT EXPREEESSSS!!!!”