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Chapter Text

“Mom? Mom? I can’t hear you. You have to turn off the mixer.” Eddy held the phone away from his ear.

“Honey? Can you hear me now?”

He sighed.

“Yeah.”

“Lovely, so how are things going?”

“Fine, just fine.” He tried to seem as cheerful as possible, clutching the phone between his shoulder and his ear.

“Oh, come on, sweety. Tell me about your day.”

“There’s not much to tell you. I study, I work, I sleep, repeat.”

“Do you like working in that Chinese place? When did you start? Last month?”

“Yeah, yeah it’s alright. I earn a lot more than delivering pizza.”

“About that. Do you need money? I was able to save a bit from doing the gardening for Mrs. Johnson across the street. You remember her. The old lady who lost her husband just last year. The one with the little Yorkshire terrier.”

“Oh, yeah. I remember.” He lied, absent-mindedly pushing some sliced carrots from one end of the chopping board to the other.

“I can send it to you tomorrow.”

“Mom, no it’s fine. I have enough. Don’t worry. Keep it for yourself, you might need it.”

“No, honey. I will send it to you, no problem.”

“Mom, please. Let me take care of myself, okay?”

“Sweetie…”

“Listen, I have to go.” He said and hung up, just in time for her not to hear the stream of swearwords his boss released his way.

“Chen! Fuck’s sake. Get back to work! I’m not paying you to call your mommy.”

“Yes, Mr. Yang.”

Rick Yang, a heavy-set man in his forties, came over to him with angry strides and stopped a little too close for comfort. His breath brushed over Eddy’s neck and made him shrug his shoulders. As he saw Eddy duck, his territorial demeanour subsided and he let a slimy hand sneak onto his cramped-up shoulder.

“When I think about it, Chen. Why don’t you take a break from cutting those vegetables and help me carrying some rice bags into the pantry.”

Desperately trying not to pull a face, Eddy continued cutting, hoping that Rick Yang would at least move away a little. Just for a brief moment. Only hearing the word ‘pantry’ already triggered his gag reflex.

“Let me just finish this off. I’ll be done in a few minutes. Sarah’s waiting for this.”

The big man grunted impatiently and let his greasy hand pat Eddy’s back a few times.

“Hurry up then, boy.”

With a long sigh, Eddy let himself fall on his bed, smelly, sweaty, oily, too exhausted to care. It was midnight now. Just remember: It pays better than delivering pizza. I need this job. I make more money. More money. More money. More money equals less problems. More money equals food. More money equals a bachelor’s degree. More money equals not disappointing mom. Like a prayer wheel, those words would spin around his head over and over every night until his eyes would slowly shut and he’d forget about the dull pain in the back of his throat.

The deafening beep of his alarm assaulted his eardrums as he turned around and squished his pillow down on his head. A blind hand searchingly swished over the phone screen and limply hung itself off the edge of the bed. Fuck this. I’m gonna fail this paper anyways. Why do I even bother to get up? Why do I even bother to write meaningless blabla just to get the word count up? Why do I even try? In a surge of frustration, he pushed his face into the mattress, eyes burning, cheeks hot, so he wouldn’t feel the tears spilling out. He was struggling. Struggling to keep it together. Struggling with everything. Struggling with the deafening loneliness of his existence. He had left behind his family to go to uni, had no time to make friends, there was not even a rogue lover to keep him company. His life revolved around going to lectures and slaving away at work. The same grind every day. Early mornings, to cramp in homework, studying, practice, writing papers, going to lectures, lunches at a singular table wolfing down the food as fast as possible to avoid realising how fucking pathetic the meals were, he shovelled into his drained body. Some days he’d have time to look for a lonely corner in the library to nap for a few minutes until he would stumble off into the next lectures. At 18:00 he started his shift at the White Dragon. Mostly serving customers, cleaning tables, stacking small bowls, dropping chopsticks onto the tiled floor, stuffing half-eaten meals into garbage cans, carrying heavy stainless-steel containers full of meat from the walk-in fridge to the counters and dragging bursting rice bags from that godforsaken pantry to the stove. All whilst avoiding Rick and pouring sweat in the steamy loud kitchen that was hustling and bustling with chefs frying chicken, sautéing vegetables in big woks over high gas flames. And when all the customers had left, and all the chefs had tidied up their stations, he was the one to scrub the floor and the counters until finally, at 23:30 he’d have finished and drag himself back to the dorm, where he’d crash utterly defeated. Only to do it all over again the next day. There was no time to think, no time to feel, no time to dream. Only work. And as far as he could tell, all the time he spent to earn money to finance his studies, to send home, to buy food, was lost. It was all useless because he was going to fail. He was going to fail at least two lectures this semester. The history lecture by Professor Hodgins, a chauvinistic arrogant ass and the one on music theory by Professor Yang. Eddy had always wondered whether he was related to…Rick. He felt suddenly a little nauseous. There was no way they were related. Rick was disgusting, inside and outside, absolutely abhorrently revolting whereas professor Yang…was genuinely nice, forthcoming even. After complaints by various students, he had announced that he would schedule an extracurricular lecture for all the students who were struggling to catch up with the contents of the course under the condition that there would be no retaking exams or extensions of deadlines. They voted and well…Eddy was basically fucked if he didn’t somehow manage to stay awake and take notes like a madman during that lecture tonight. His alarm was still ringing when he rolled over and threw his pillow at the wall across his bed.

Chapter Text

About half out of the over two hundred students showed up to his extracurricular lecture; questions were asked, doubts dispersed and, overall, Professor Yang asserted them that if they had read the script and taken notes, they would not have trouble writing that midterm essay. Eddy yawned, he had barely slept five hours last night, trying to catch up on all the other deadlines; he had gotten nowhere, being chronically overworked and fatigued generally didn’t help him focus and after a couple of pages all the letters became one blurry mess and he had dragged himself off to bed to have a quick nap before he started slaving away all over again. And now at the end of the day, the school day at least, he found himself yawning, rubbing his eyes, barely awake enough to ask questions let alone going to work later. There was no way he would be able to write a passing grade essay.

“Okay, guys. That’s it. If you have concerns with regards to the topics of the essays or the content of the lecture, don’t hesitate to write me an email or sign up for a consultation slot.”

Professor Yang smiled encouragingly and then pushed his glasses back up onto his nose.

“Don’t forget to hand in the essay by noon, not midnight in two weeks’ time. I wish you a lovely evening and until next week. Don’t forget to practice!”

I must have gone insane. Eddy found himself standing in front of the desk in the middle of the lecture hall, Professor Yang looking at him amused.

“So basically, you are telling me, that you are going to fail my lecture if I don’t grant you an extension for that essay?” Eddy remained silent.

“Socializing is more important than this, right? Hah. I was like this when I was in university too.”

He smiled but Eddy stared at the ground not really knowing what to reply, he hadn’t gone out in weeks. His delusional brain had convinced him that maybe, just maybe, if he asked nicely, he would get an extension for that deadline. Whether that would really help, he wasn’t sure. But it was worth a try. But of course, he would not get more time. It was ludicrous that he even dared to ask, to waste his time. Professor Yang had already done more to accommodate his students than what he had to. And now he was asking for special treatment. How fucking arrogant can you be? He should be embarrassed of himself.

The last of the other students that had been in the auditorium left and Professor Yang suddenly reached out and squeezed Eddy’s shoulder.

“I know why you’re failing.”

He felt his face turn bright red from embarrassment as his black eyes seemed to see right through him.

“You do?” Professor Yang chuckled.

“It’s quite obvious from the dark circles under your eyes that you don’t get enough sleep. And I have a hunch that you probably work a lot, don’t you?” The professor looked up at him inquisitively and barely noticeably put more pressure on his hand. The tiredness of the last few days creeping up his neck, made Eddy give in and nod slowly.

“I work in a restaurant seven days a week.”

“Really? I helped out at my parents’ restaurant when I was a bit younger than you. Where do you work?”

“The White Dragon down the street.”

In the span of an instant, Professor Yang’s face drained of all its colour.

“Is something wrong?” His heart beating fast, he feared that the professor would faint right then and there.

“No, no.” He collected himself quickly. “I was just surprised. The White Dragon is…where I worked. It was…it is…our family business. My father opened it in the 80s and my older brother, you know him, took over a couple of years ago.”

An awkward pause ensued, in which it seemed that he was lost in thought. That solves the mystery about whether they are related or not. I guess you cannot choose your family.

“I don’t suppose he’s paying you well?” The professor suddenly asked, his hand caressing the hair at the back of his head.

Eddy shrugged slightly. “It’s enough to get by, I guess.”

The elder shook his head as if he had seen straight through his lie. Eddy shrugged again helplessly, tired, defeated, suddenly all the more aware that his professor must think that he was a complete failure.

“Listen, if I may propose something to you…” Professor Yang started to clean his glasses, his brows furrowed as if he weren’t entirely sure about what he was doing.

“I’ve been thinking about hiring an assistant for a while now. Many other professors have one and I’ve been reluctant to employ someone to do my dirty work but it has been a lot lately and I’ve come to the conclusion that I do need help.”

The confusion on Eddy’s face caused him to elaborate.

“They would have to correct papers and exams, read through my scripts, make power point presentations and run errands et cetera.” He circled a hand in the air.

“You don’t have to tell me right now. Send me your CV via email if you’re interested and we’ll talk again. I think this would be a great opportunity for you.”

“I…” but the professor interrupted him.

“Think about it. If you hurry up and your references are good, you could start next week. Now, I have to get going, Mr. Chen? Right? Yes. See you soon, I hope.” He patted him on the back and left the auditorium with long strides, leaving Eddy standing there dumbfounded.

He had never in his life run faster than after this shift to get home to his dorm. All his documents in one neat singular Pdf, he was ready to send it off. His finger was hovering over the enter key on his keyboard. Or was he? This was the fifth time he had gone through everything. Yes, it’s all there. Send it. Send it! Do it. Why don’t you push the fucking button? I will get paid better, be exposed to all that theory and be able to ask him about stuff I didn’t understand. He would be an idiot if he didn’t take that chance, still there was something in that smile when he offered him the job that made Eddy feel a bit queasy but he couldn’t put the finger on it. Fuck it! He pressed down determinedly. I am not going to spend the rest of the semester kneeling in that fucking pantry. Nope.

“Want a beer?” Brett opened the fridge. She looked at him sternly from the kitchen table where she was writing down the shopping for the next day.

“Right, right. Sorry.” With a low thud the door closed shut again, the number of beers on the rack still the same.

“If you don’t mind, I’ll just go to bed, okay?” he said pinching the bridge of his nose under his glasses.

“Rough day?” she asked without looking up.

“Kind of.” He kissed her on the cheek and couldn’t help but wish she’d look at him, notice him. Maybe even get up to hug him but she had already turned her attention back to the little slip of paper in front of her.

“Good night, darling.”

“Good night.”

“Oh, don’t forget, we have an appointment at the doctor’s tomorrow at four o’clock.”

“I won’t!” He called back over his shoulder and disappeared in the bathroom to take a shower. The scolding hot water rushed over his head but instead of washing away the sudden dread he had felt when Chen had mentioned the White Dragon, it all conjured up a maelstrom of images that Brett had long tried to keep in the deepest corner of his mind.

I haven’t been there in ages. I haven’t been there since…since I left for college. I wonder whether it still looks the same. Whether it still smells the same. Whether it feels the same, the heat, the steam, the mind-numbing atmosphere of people chanting orders.

I wonder whether the pantry still reeks of fermenting rice and sweat.

I wonder whether Chen has to go to the pantry and kneel between the rice bags.

Whether Rick pries him open with that thick right thumb of his and pulls his cheek to the side.

I wonder whether he enjoys the feel of Chen’s crooked teeth under his fingertip.

Whether he still has that misshapen mole right above his pubic bone.

I wonder whether he makes him retch up the leftover Chow Mein from lunch. He always got a kick out of that.

Brett turned off the shower, got out, but instead of drying himself off, he stared at the red rash on his chest, some scratches were birthing the tiniest droplets of blood. For the first time in years, he had scrubbed himself raw again.

Chapter Text

Two days later, he had his reply.

“You’re in. Start on Monday, drop by my office after your last lecture and I’ll show you your desk.”

“Yes! Fuck yeah!”

In a fit of pure joy, he jumped up from his desk, made a fist an punched the air repeatedly.

“I got it! I fucking did it! Hell yeah.”

Without thinking twice, he picked up the phone and quit his hopeless job at the restaurant without saying why, on the spot, right there; Rick screamed at him about how useless he was but Eddy could not wipe off the grin on his face. He was going to sleep through that weekend like a baby. He would never have to see that ugly bastard again.

“You know what Rick? Fuck you too.” He said calmly and hung up.

If he had poked the red button on his phone any harder, he would have pierced the screen. Life is good! Working for Professor Yang will be a piece of cake in comparison to the slave work in that restaurant. Well…wait. Fuck. His stomach dropped as if he were just about to jump out of an aeroplane when he realised that he would work for a professor whose lecture he was about to fail. How the fuck did he think that that was a good idea? How could he work as an assistant for a professor? He was not even a good student. He rubbed over his face trying not to have a panic attack. What the fuck was I thinking? What the hell am I going to do? Oh no, oh no, oh no no no no no.

It was a crisp Monday morning when Brett cleared the second desk in his office. He couldn’t deny that he was looking forward to having someone working with him, even if it was only for a couple of hours in the late afternoon. It would be nice to work with someone new, someone that wasn’t as vulgar as Nick or as boring as the others. However, having an undergrad student work for him was probably not the smartest move, he would definitely struggle but even if he didn’t perform well, he would not send him back to the White Dragon. It was simply not an option. Brett had to make sure that Rick would never get his fingers on him again. He would be safe now. With him, he’d be safe.

“Come in!” His voice sounded through the closed office door. Eddy turned the handle with shaking fingers, the few deep breaths he had taken in the corridor not enough to calm his nerves.

“Hi.” The small man turned on his chair and smiled widely.

“Hello, professor.”

“Good to see you.” He got up and gestured for Eddy to take a look around the room.

“I hope this is up to standard. It is not the biggest office but I think we will manage.”

Whatever Eddy had expected his workplace to look like, this was much better. Bookshelves framed the left and the right side of the room constraining the space a little which balanced it between cosy and a little crowded. There were a few personal things scattered along the shelves, a few photos of smiling people on sunny beaches and a few souvenirs from exotic places, shells, and bracelets. The big window at the far end let the setting sun illuminate the whole room with a golden glow, dusting the dark books with a vibrant shimmer. On the wall next to the window hung a sheet of music, Eddy couldn’t recognise from standing in the door. In the corner to the left was a small leather couch, which seemed to have been used by generations of professors as their reading base. When he walked closer to take a look at the sheet music, he suddenly realised where he would be sitting, where he would be working. Right across. He would be facing his professor, directly. As if he had been smacked across the face, he felt his blood rush to his cheeks. How the fuck would he be able to sit across from him and not have him realise that he had no fucking clue about anything.

“Listen…I…”

But when he saw Professor Yang smile at him with genuine interest, he completely forgot what he wanted to say.

“It’s more than I’ve ever had.” He absent-mindedly slid his hand along the smooth wood. Someone had taken the time to polish it before he arrived. I don’t deserve any of this.

“So, Chen, I don’t expect you to work a certain number of hours per day. I just want you to get your work done. Come by after your lectures and stay as long as you want. Here’s a key to the office.” He handed him a key chain with a key, a badge and a metal violin as a pendant. Eddy twirled it in his fingers.

“Do you play the violin?”

“Yes, I used to. I don’t really have time to do that anymore though. Time to practice has become quite a luxury to be honest.” He said with a melancholic expression on his face.
“Maybe that will change when you take over some tasks for me.” he suddenly beamed.
“What instrument do you play?”

“The violin as well.”

“Oh, really. I should have guessed from the hickey on your neck.” he pointed towards his own jaw.

Eddy blushed not really knowing why.

“Okay, so this is your desk. You will get the login to the server from the secretary downstairs. Don’t you worry about getting any work done today, I just want you to get settled in. But now, I’ll introduce you to a few of my colleagues if you want to.”

“Sure.”

They left their small office and Professor Yang pointed at the door across. “That’s the room with the copy machine, spare folders and office supplies. Take whatever you need.” Then he turned to the right and knocked at the half-open door.

“Nick?”

“Yeah?”

“Let me introduce you to my new assistant! Edward Chen.” He opened the door completely and gestured for Eddy to go inside.

Eddy waved shyly at the middle-aged man sitting in an old leather chair, but the professor got up and extended his big right hand for a handshake that Eddy would still feel the next day. He had never realised how tall Hodgins was, he towered over both of them with at least ten centimetres on Eddy. He looked even more like an asshole up close. Professor Hodgins was a stocky man with a face that somewhere under the sun-damaged skin one might have considered handsome. Countless wrinkles framed his mouth and steel-blue eyes when he smiled at him.

“I guess you already know Nick, don’t you? I assume you’re in his lecture?”

“I am.” Eddy winced under his persistent stare.

“Oh, very well. I’ll keep an eye on you.” He laughed hoarsely and sent a cold shudder over Eddy’s back.

All of a sudden, an aggressive buzz interrupted them.

“I have to take that, why don’t you two chat a little?” Professor Yang pressed his phone to his ear and left the room.

Eddy nodded dumfounded.

“What’s your paper gonna be about?” Hodgins was leaning against his desk.

“Sorry?”

“The paper you have to hand in for my lecture, remember?” he smirked amused.

“I don’t know yet.” Eddy rubbed his knuckles without meeting his gaze.

“Oh, you’re a bit late for finding a topic, don’t you think?”

Eddy shrugged trying to end this conversation as quickly as possible.

“Well…If you need an extension of that deadline, just let me know. I’m sure we can arrange something.” Eddy’s stomach convulsed when he felt Hodgins’ eyes trail down his body.

“I will. I think I should get going now though.” Eddy stumbled outside in a rush to escape that hungry pair of eyes.

“See yah.” He lazily waved his hand.

Professor Hodgins as an office neighbour? The luck I’m having. I guess I’ve gotten pretty good at avoiding people but I might need that extension though.

Then Yang came out of his office, clumsily putting on his jacket as if he were in a rush to get somewhere.

“Hey. I’m sorry, I have to cut this short. Don’t you worry about work today, okay? I’ll get you stuff to do tomorrow.”

“Okay, I’m just going to work on your paper.” Eddy smirked, eager to tell him about the topic.

“Lovely. I’m looking forward to reading it. Bye now” he hurried off without really paying attention to what Eddy had said which made him feel plain stupid for mentioning it at all.

“Hey.” Brett pushed the front door open with his elbow, two white rustly plastic bags with take-out in either hand.

“What took you so long?”

“I had to go to a few different restaurants to buy you all the food that you wanted.”

“Well, you took so long that I ate some crackers and now I’m not hungry anymore. Just put it in the fridge.”

“But…”

“What? Do you want me to force it down?”

“No, of course not. It’s fine. I’ll have some of it then.”

“Whatever. I’ll be upstairs, I need to lie down. My back hurts like a bitch.”

“Good night.” He said softly, not leaning in for a kiss because she had already turned away.

Chapter Text

The week passed in the blink of an eye. Similar to before, Eddy had no time for any social activities but at least he was getting enough sleep. His skin had cleared up a little and his mom said in their video call this morning that he had more colour in his face than a week ago. He felt better too. Not surprising really, not having a predatory boss certainly helped not hating your own existence. Still, Friday evening like all the other evenings, he wouldn’t spend anywhere else than in the office, working and studying to catch up on some of his essay writing. Professor Yang’s paper was coming along nicely but he hadn’t gotten anywhere with Hodgins’s research paper so that he would probably spend the rest of the weekend here as well if he didn’t want to ask for an extension of the deadline. And…he would probably have to ask anyway. He was stuck. But damn…ugh. He really didn’t want to go see-

“You two coming?” Speaking of the devil…Professor Hodgins stuck his head through the door.

“Yes. Just a moment.” Professor Yang turned off his computer and started getting ready to leave.

“Where?” Eddy asked confused feeling as if he were the nerd to the group of cool kids in his school.

“Pub crawl. All the employees from the music department go out usually the first Friday of the month. Come join us.”

His superior was already half-way out the door; next to Hodgins he looked so small, barely reaching up to his shoulder.

“No, I don’t think I should. I have a lot of studying to do.” he evaded Yang’s black eyes seemingly looking right through him.

“Come on, Chen. Stop being such a nerd.” Professor Hodgins said mockingly. “We won’t stay till morning. It’s just a beer. Think of it as networking.”

Eddy’s face suddenly felt hot, fuck. What am I supposed to do? Is this normal? Am I supposed to go along? Thinking of it, going out with your colleagues in other companies is nothing unusual, isn’t it? It’s just a couple of professors. That’s the only difference. Just… A couple of…Professors.

“Chen! Are you coming?”

“Yes.” He blurted out, quickly packed up his things and followed the two men.

A metro ride later, the three men were standing at the counter of a fairly crowded Irish bar downtown. A couple of professors, assistants and even one of the librarians had made their way here after work. Professor Yang was leaning over the wooden counter top ordering something when Hodgins turned to Eddy. And Eddy immediately regretted coming along.

“Do you have a boyfriend?”

“No.” Eddy responded, taken aback by his question.

“No? Hm, but my radar isn’t off, is it?” Hodgins raised his eyebrows.

“What do you mean?” He had a pretty good hunch about what he meant but there was no way he wouldn’t avoid the topic with Hodgins and defensively crossed his arms in front of his chest.

“You’re gay, aren’t you?” he prodded, a finger lazily dragging along Eddy’s upper arm.

“Ugh…I…” From one second to the other he felt his face light up in flames. Again.

“Nick, come on! What are you doing? Don’t you see, he’s uncomfortable?” Professor Yang turned to them and handed each a beer he had ordered from the bearded bartender.

“I was just making conversation.” Hodgins replied whilst Eddy downed half of the bottle, happy to have something to do, happy that he didn’t have to carry on with this conversation. At the next possible opening he would bounce.

“Who do you think you’re kidding? I’ve known you for a long time. He’s far too young for you.” Yang shook his head, seemingly not very surprised about Hodgins behaviour.

“Experience is not a bad thing. My age has never stopped me from performing my very best.” He brushed back his salt and pepper hair, fixing Eddy with his gaze who took a step back in response. However, instead of creating enough distance between them, he collided with the wood-panelled pillar behind him.

“You know, Chen. If you ever get bored in that office, just come knocking at my door down the hall. I’ll make it worthwhile.”

With shock, Brett witnessed Nick slide his right hand onto Chen’s waist who instinctively squirmed away from him. In a fit of hot red anger, he abruptly pulled the tall man to the side, out of earshot: “Nick! Stop. That’s enough.”

“Oh, come on.” He dragged out the last syllable. “I think he’d be down, give or take 2 or 3 beers.”

“Calm your pants!” Surprised by the sudden rage he was feeling, he pushed his index finger into Nick’s chest.

“Why should I? I bet he’d look great from the back.” he smirked suggestively; “You know, bent over my desk…” Brett shook his head in dismay unable to stop his still aggressively pulsing mind from imagining what he had just described.

“Your awful. Just leave him be.” He tried to seem as unfazed as possible but his voice had gotten a little shaky and he saw with frustration that Nick had picked up on it immediately.

“Okay, okay. I see. I’ll back off…I think you’re kind of into this guy, huh?”

“No. It’s not like that.” But Brett could feel his cheeks glowing.

“Hm. I could have sworn you were checking him out when he was walking through the door in front of you.”

“No. Don’t be ridiculous.” Brett took a swig of his cold beer and glanced over where they had left Eddy. He wasn’t there anymore.

“If that’s not the case then…” Nick whispered, sliding his hand onto the small of Brett’s back.
“Why don’t we get in on tonight?”

“No. Fuck off. We’re not doing that anymore, okay? I thought we had an agreement?” He hissed, kind of avoiding his touch but not enough to shake off his hand completely.

“No need to get worked up. It was worth a shot. I still think about it sometimes.” Hodgins leaned down.

“Shut up.” Brett turned his face away when he felt Nick’s breath against his skin and his whispered words relentlessly vibrating in his ear.

“You wanna know what I think about?” his low voice seemed to grope his body like a ripe fruit.

“No.” He said staring at nothing, paralysed by the menacing hand hooked into the back of his trousers.

“I think about your voice Brett. Mhhm. You moan…mmh…you moan in such a nice range.”
And as Hodgins emphasised his words, he slid his hand down and through the fabric of his jeans dug a few of his fingers into Brett’s butt, low, soliciting a high-pitched gasp.

“Stop.” He exclaimed meekly and pushed him away. When he looked up to see where he could escape to, he saw Chen sitting a little off to the side close to a few other assistants and he jumped at the opportunity to get away. Before he showed himself, he breathed in a few times to get rid of the burning heat that singed the flesh where Nick’s hand had been.

“I see, you’ve already made friends.”

Eddy looked up from peeling off the label on his beer bottle. Even though the light was turned low, he could clearly see that the professor was flustered. His eyes were blown wide, his cheeks flushed, his lips a little too shiny. It suits him. He thought, immediately embarrassed by his own thoughts.

“Y-yeah.” he lied quickly and took a big sip of his beer to mask the rise of his own body temperature. To be honest, he had felt a little awkward sitting at that table with the others, like he didn’t belong, he was so much younger than them. They were nice, sure, but they seemed so much more comfortable, just overall more adequate to be there. Why did he take that job again?

“You told me that you’ve been working on my essay. What is it about?” The question caught him off guard. Professor Yang pulled a chair close and when he sat down next to him, their knees touched lightly.

“Ugh…H-Haydn. I’m writing it about Haydn.” Why am I so nervous?
But when he saw Professor Yang smile at him encouragingly, he couldn’t stop the sudden waterfall of words that gushed out of him.

“I’m delving into how he plays musical jokes on his audience. You know, he plays on people’s expectations of musical structure and I’m analysing a symphony in which he establishes the exposition, the development and then does something like a fake recapitulation or in another instance he repeats the subject but in the wrong key to kind of trick his audience. You know? I really like how he teases you like that.” His cheeks had stopped glowing, but now he was out of breath.

“That sounds really promising.” Professor Yang commented a little too briefly for Eddy’s taste. An awkward pause ensued. He had hoped for more of an answer than that but soon realised that Professor Yang was somewhere else with his thoughts.

“Listen, Nick…can be a bit forward sometimes. Don’t worry about it, okay?”
Eddy nodded, and Professor Yang, as always, squeezed his arm.

“But make sure, he doesn’t catch you alone after office hours.” He laughed; Eddy swallowed hard.

“That was a joke.”

He nodded quickly trying to mask the uneasiness he felt at Professor Yang making excuses for Hodgins.

“I know…but uhm…I think I’m going to get going soon.” The sentence came out as if he were asking a question.

“Sure. That’s okay. I don’t want to keep you from getting your beauty sleep. Get home safely.” Professor Yang got up from his chair when Eddy moved to leave and as they stood face to face Eddy felt the sudden urge to go in for a hug but restrained himself. That would be ridiculous.

“See you tomorrow.” He said turning towards the exit.

“Good bye, Chen.”

Oh god, what the fuck is going on with me? There was a storm brewing that didn’t seem to head into one clear direction. Tearing, pulling, clawing at his mind from all sides, throwing everything upside down that he had thought was right and what was wrong. Now that he was lying on his bed, Eddy couldn’t help but replay what he had seen from the corner of his eye. He had seen how that predatory hand had flattened his white shirt into the curve of his spine, how that tanned thumb had hooked into his belt, how that middle finger had pushed…pushed so confidently into the bottom of his jeans.

Hodgins was repulsive. An old man preying on anything that could walk. - Still, Eddy couldn’t deny that the thought of putting his hand just where he did…onto that small round…fuck…it kinda…kinda made him hard. And, before he knew it, before his conscience could even intervene, he found himself with his pillow between his legs. His boxers rubbing roughly against his questionable erection as he thrust forward repeatedly, slow at first, then getting quicker pressing the pillow against his loins until he felt a viscous wave of orgasmic pleasure ride up from his toes through his whole body. He moaned into his sheets, pressing his face down as hard as he could as his hips twitched uncontrollably into the fabric and he released.

I should not have done that.

He pulled off his soiled boxers.

I should not have done that.

Chapter Text

For the first time in months, Brett opened his violin case and with hesitant fingers pulled the instrument out of the satin casing. Something tugging at his heart he observed the smooth surface of the wood shimmering softly in the sun streaming into his living room. A wave of sudden guilt washed over him, as he put the headrest on. Why do I feel like I need to apologize? It’s just a piece of wood. And oh God, did he feel even guiltier after thinking that. The first few notes he played sounded grumpy and stiff as if his instrument were an old bear warming up its limbs after waking up after a cold and damp winter. Only a few bars past, he was back in his element, letting the notes flow freely through his body, from his toes to the top of his head every fibre of his body danced joyfully at his playing. I missed this. God, how I missed this, he thought as he swayed to the music.

“Brett!”

He stopped abruptly, listening out for the voice upstairs.

“Can you practice somewhere else? It’s Saturday and it’s 8am, I really don’t feel like listening to Tchaikovsky so early in the morning.”

He took a deep breath. “Okay. I’ll go to the office then. I can be back by noon.”

“Don’t worry. I’m going to see my mom for lunch and then we’re going to buy a few things for the new bedroom. I might stay with her until tomorrow, actually. You can practice all you want when I’m gone but please just give me a few more hours of peace.”

“Okay, I understand.” He said not really sure what he should feel when he packed his violin away and headed out.

“Bye.”

“Thank youuu.”

“What are you doing here?”

“Huh?”

Eddy jumped at the smiling professor standing in the doorframe of his office.

“Work.” His heart suddenly beat a little faster than before.

“Are you struggling with the workload I assigned you?”

“No, no, that’s not it! I’m working on Hodgins’s paper.” He caught himself nervously organising the pens and pencils on his desk.

“Oh, making progress?”

Eddy debated whether he should tell the truth and then sunk his head into his palms.

“No.”

“Really?”

He sighed. “Yeah.”

“Let me talk to Nick. I’m sure I can arrange something. I think he’s in his office today.”

Professor Yang was already about to leave the room, when Eddy jolted up.

“No!” The loudness of his outburst made his face turn red. “No need for that.”

He didn’t want the professor to ask, he could imagine what the older would ask for in return.

“It’s really not a big deal. I can talk to him. Get you an extension.”

“No. No. I don’t want that. There’s no need for you to get involved.” Thinking back at Hodgins groping Professor Yang so violently, he suddenly felt nauseous. “Please.”

“Understood. I won’t ask again.” He chuckled to himself and Eddy suspected that he was laughing at him for being so stubborn. But he could only sigh with relief. The whole thing just made him feel uneasy. He wasn’t entirely sure what was going on between them. But Eddy had been able to tell by the way he had ducked, barely noticeably pulling his shoulders up, tilting his head away… He knew that change in posture all too well; there was something off. And he felt guilty for feeling aroused by it.

It was probably for the best if he tried as much as possible to stay out of their weird arrangement, to stay out of Hodgins’s way especially. It was none of his business, was it? He was just the assistant.

“I’ll leave you to it then. If you need anything, I’m in the practice room.”

“Okay.” He nodded absent-mindedly.

Tick-tock, tick-tock. The small wooden clock in the bookshelf to the left was reproachfully counting every second Eddy spent drifting off to the music streaming in from the corridor. It was the first time he heard his professor play the violin. Similar to tasting a foreign meal for the very first time, his hungry musician-brain tried to dissect the colours, the flavour, the taste of every note until it would come together in a most delicious symphony. After a while of feasting on the melody, curiosity got the better of him and he went to have a look. However, he could only watch the professor swaying with closed eyes for a brief moment because the smaller man seemed to sense that someone had been staring and opened his eyes, only to blink a few times, a dazed expression on his face.

“Hi.”

“Hi.”

“Do you need me for anything?”

“No.”

“You just came to watch, then?”

“Kind of.” Eddy blushed.

“That’s no good.” The professor shook his head, strands of shiny black hear falling into his eyes.

Eddy’s face dropped. “Sorry.”

“I thought you needed to work.”

“…”

“I’m just joking.”

“Heh.” A nervous hand ran through his own wiry hair. He was right, this was a bad idea.

“I’ll be going then…I should get-“.

“No, Chen, don’t leave! You can play with me. Do you have your violin with you?” He burst out, stepping forward towards Eddy whose heart skipped a beat at his request.

“Ugh…Yeah, I left it here yesterday.”

“Great! Why don’t you go get it and we practice a little bit together?”

“Ugh…” Eddy hesitated, shifting his weight from one foot to the other. I’m going to embarrass myself. I haven’t performed in forever.

“You don’t have to, of course, but I just thought it would be nice to do a duet. I haven’t played with someone in such a long time.” Professor Yang admitted and looked away as if he were embarrassed for being so forward before. As he turned away, the prettiest shade of rosy pink creeped onto his pale cheeks and when Eddy saw him peer through his long black lashes, he blurted out:

“I’ll be right back.”

This is probably a new record. He thought as he came back into the room after rushing in lightning speed to get his instrument. He had barely taken it out of its case when Professor launched at him with uninhibited enthusiasm.

“Let’s play something easy to start. How about Shostakovich?” His face beamed; he seemed to buzz with energy.

“Okay.” Eddy said nervously, feeling sweat pour down his back as he prayed to God that he would not mess up too badly. But his prayers remained unheard, he stuttered and crunched and glissed continuously. As far as he could tell, he had never performed worse.

After a painful few bars of hiccups, Professor Yang stopped playing and frowned at his assistant.

“Chen, you don’t have to be nervous. Relax. And don’t pull up your shoulders like that.”

He reached out to touch the tense muscles on his shoulder that immediately cramped up even more under his slender fingers. Easier said than done! He screamed inside his head. You are not the one playing a duet with your professor! That same professor that makes your heartrate increase every time he smiles at you with those big black eyes. The professor whose voice keeps ringing in your head when you go to bed. The professor that pops in your mind when you hump your goddamn pillow.

He dropped his violin from his chin and shook his arms a little, successfully keeping his inner screaming-match concealed from his superior.

“Good. Maybe you should get someone to give you a massage. That always helps me when I’m struggling with my posture.” Someone.

Eddy was now definitely red like a tomato. Professor Yang resumed his position and raised his eyebrows expectantly for him to finally get back to where they stopped. The playing continued and Eddy scraped along until he jumped at the professor’s loud voice.

“Chen! Look at me. You need to look at what I’m doing.”

You can do this. You’ve done this before. Just look at something somewhere on his face. Reluctantly, he lifted his eyes towards him desperately trying not to meet his gaze but staring at his fingers, at his chin, his lips, and then just like a meteorite the last of his remaining braincells were obliterated when their eyes met accidentally and Eddy’s playing synched up with the other man’s. Suddenly, their melodies flowed so seamlessly into each other, carrying Eddy away on a fluffy cotton cloud.

Hours later, drunk on music and intense prolonged gazes, Eddy interrupted their practice session abruptly.

“It’s 2pm already. I’m sorry.” He smiled apologetically. “I need to eat something and if I think about it… I should probably get back to writing.” With a brisk motion, he wiped off the sweat on his forehead. A mixture of dopamine and adrenalin was coursing through his veins and made his heart want to jump out of his ribcage.

“That’s okay. You find me here if you need anything.” He smiled warmly.

“Thank you for joining me.” For a brief moment, they stared at each other as if both were waiting for the other to do something.

“It was nice.” Eddy broke the silence masterfully, and in a hurry to escape the emotionally charged atmosphere, he packed away his violin and rushed outside to have a quick snack from the food truck that usually parked across the street. He inhaled the Hot Dog to numb the rumbling in his body, whether it was from his stomach or his chest, he didn’t want to think about.

As he went down the hall to their empty office, he couldn’t help but slow down when he passed the practice room, dropping eaves at the steady sound of his professor going through a passage. If I could, I would spend all my time playing the second violin just to watch his fingers glide along the strings. Pull yourself together! He scolded and dragged himself back to his messy desk. You’ve had your share for the day.

Chapter Text

It was getting late and Eddy was increasingly struggling to keep his mind from wandering and focussed on his laptop. The golden evening sun was shining through the window and warmed his back only making him comfier, lazier, sleepier. Maybe I could just rest my eyes a little. His head sunk onto his palms heavy, slowly.

Stop it! Focus! You can dream about silky hair and bedroom eyes when you’ve handed in that paper. Go freshen up and write another page. Do it. Come on.

He reluctantly pulled himself off the chair and went to the bathroom to wash his face.

When he got back, Professor Yang was leaning against Eddy’s desk, waiting.

“Hello.” He said surprised, running his hand through his hair in an attempt to calm down the sudden fast pace his heart had shifted into.

“Hi. Finished working?” He asked with a sparkle in his eyes.

“No.” Eddy rubbed over his forehead. “I want to write another page or two.”

“Why don’t we both take a break together, what do you think?” A smirk appeared on the professor’s face.

“I really can’t.” He refused the offer without looking at him and went back to his desk but before he could sit down Professor Yang wrapped his fingers around his biceps and pulled him closer.

“You seem to be stressed out lately.” He said something swinging in his voice that made Eddy weak in the knees, and then squeezed his arm lightly.

“I still have so much work to do, Professor Yang.” Eddy nervously brushed off his hand and made a step back against his desk where he remained pinned by his dark eyes.

“Oh, come on, Chen. You’ve worked all day. You must be exhausted; you must be tense.”

One small step at a time his professor inched closer as he talked.

What is he doing?

Eddy swallowed hard, trapped against the cold wood of the desk and the stacks of paper behind him. His eyes trailed over Yang’s face, his neck and down to the slightly open shirt that revealed the pale skin of his chest and rested there just a moment. A moment that caused a surge of heat to flush his face.

What the fuck am I doing here? What the fuck is he doing?

“I can help you with the tension in your muscles if you let me.”

He said one hand sliding onto his right shoulder. It felt warm and heavy, slowly rubbing over his shirt with increasing intensity. Professor Yang’s slender fingers worked themselves up his neck in persistent circles until they pulled down his collar and gained access to his bare skin. Eddy gasped at the sudden skin on skin contact.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you.” he said apologetically, without drawing away but instead letting a finger dance around Eddy’s bouncing Adam’s apple sending waves of goosebumps down his spine.

Fuck. He’s trying to seduce me, isn’t he? He’s trying to…he’s…I…fuck.

He couldn’t think straight anymore. Everything was spinning, going round and round just like that finger on his neck. His knees were shaking under the hypnotic hungry eyes that were observing him through long black lashes.

Gradually bit by bit, like a predator sneaking up on its prey, Professor Yang slowly leaned forward and to Eddy’s shock, sunk his lips onto his neck, teasingly brushing over his skin from collarbone to just below his ear. Each time his mouth made contact with Eddy’s hot skin, a jolt of electricity ran through his body until he couldn’t bare the crackling tension anymore and grabbed the small man’s shoulders without pushing him away.

“Professor Yang…I really think that…”

“Eddy”, he interrupted, “I can call you Eddy, right? Why don’t you turn off that busy brain of yours and enjoy a little after work treat from me?”

His warm breath caressed his neck as he spoke those tempting sweet words. And as they coated his brain in sirup, he could feel a searching hand glide downwards whilst a pair of lips slowly moved upwards and wrapped themselves around his right earlobe to suck at it tenderly.

I shouldn’t let him do this. I shouldn’t be here. I shouldn’t enjoy this. I shouldn’t be so fucking hard already. Shit. Shit. Shit.

As Eddy’s head was trying to keep from exploding, his professor had slowly pulled down the zipper of his beige chinos. His hand snuck stealthily inside his underwear and pulled the waistband over Eddy’s embarrassingly hard erection. An involuntary sigh escaped his throat at the sudden lack of pressure against his cock.

“Oh”, Yang’s eyebrows shot up.

“I’m…I’m a bit…uh…” Eddy stuttered, embarrassed by his leaking member twitching at the cold air.

“Don’t worry.” A cheeky smile tugged at the corners of his mouth. “I didn’t think you’d be so eager…but I’ll take it as a compliment.”

The soft swing of his baritone voice penetrated Eddy’s mind like a sedating drug, enveloping his buzzing brain into a candy cotton padded cell. He uttered a few swearwords when he felt a hand lightly wrap around him. As if Professor Yang were savouring his student’s eagerness, he took his time, deliberately directing his delicate thumb over the pulsing tip. Eddy shuddered from time to time watching his finger glide over the slit, spreading the small droplets of precum in lazy circles around the head, going back for more continually until Eddy’s breath hitched and his hips bucked.

“Sorry…I’m going to clean that as soon as…” Eddy blushed when he realised that he had gotten precum all over his professor’s dress pants.

“Shhhh, shhh.” Yang traced Eddy’s nervous lips with the fingers of his other hand whilst he started steadily stroking along his length, over the tip, increasing the pressure and lightening it again, as if he were phrasing a piece. Being embarrassed was now the least of Eddy’s worries.

Oh god! Fuck!

Desperately trying to hold it together, Eddy clenched his fingertips around the edge of the desk behind him. Incapable of keeping his hips from repeatedly twitching forward against the palm of his professor, he moaned breathlessly. Startled by the loudness of his own voice he bit down on his lip, hard. As if Professor Yang were displeased with Eddy’s teeth piercing his plush red bottom lip, he leaned forward, eyelids lazily fluttering until their noses touched and Eddy anxiously turned his face away, too hot and bothered to let their lips meet. His eyes shut firmly; his ears picked up on the thumbing of his own heart. It was beating furiously against his ribcage, fiercely enough that he was sure Professor Yang could feel the vibrations in his own chest. Eddy choked back a loud moan when he felt him increasing the frequency of his strokes as if in retaliation for denying him that kiss.

I’m gonna come, fuck, I’m gonna come.

The involuntary deep groan that escaped his throat lingered in the thick office air as he shuddered uncontrollably and spurt cum all over Professor Yang’s hand and shirt.

His cheeks turned bright scarlet when he realised what had happened. A feeling of panic and regret compressing his chest.

“I…”

“Chen.” Someone squeezed his shoulder and the image dissolved.

“Chen.”

Eddy jolted up, dazed, blinking frantically at the person looking at him. He was sitting at his desk, something wet at the corner of his mouth.

“What?” he asked disoriented, wiping off the drool on his table.

“You should go home Chen.” Professor Yang smiled down at him.

“I…” Confusion furrowed his brows.

“You must have fallen asleep sometime in the afternoon. Go home now. You can continue studying tomorrow. It’s already 7pm.”

“We…did we…?” He lulled, smacking his lips at the furry feel in his mouth.

“Have you been dreaming about me?” Professor Yang’s nose crinkled with amusement.

“No. Shit! Sorry. Yeah, I should go home.” He agreed scrambling to get his head sorted but when he wanted to get up, he realised that the chinos he had picked this morning were betraying him now. A big dark spot had formed where the fabric covered his groin.

Oh no, I can’t get up like this!

But lady luck was on his side when Professor Yang turned around and grabbed his violin.

“I forgot my key at home. Could you lock up when you leave? I assume you want to tidy up a little.” He frowned at the mess on his assistant’s desk.

“I will. Yeah.” Eddy nodded eagerly, already sorting through the papers.

“See you on Monday.”

“Bye.”

After unsuccessfully trying to rub out the wetness with a tissue for a couple of minutes, Eddy packed up defeated and locked the door behind him. He didn’t see Professor Hodgins who was about to come out of the copy room when he leaned against the door of his office screaming in his head. Fuck. He looked down at himself, at the telling stain that was the testimony to his lack of self-control and his lack of fucking decency. With a disappointed sigh he covered himself up with his backpack again to take on the walk of shame from his office to his dorm. As he pushed himself off the wooden door, he saw him, one hand on the light switch, a stack of paper in the other and a shit-eating-grin on his face.

“Poor fucker, he made him come in his pants.” He mocked.

Panicking, Eddy took off without saying anything but feeling Hodgins’ grimy stare in the back of his head.

Chapter Text

Eddy was sitting at his desk frustratedly tugging at his hair; it was Wednesday, it was hopeless. He would not pass that course with professor Hodgins. His paper was a mess. He needed at least another week. He would fail if he handed it in next Sunday. He should just delete it already and surrender to his fate. A loud sigh escaped him and made his professor look up from whatever he had been writing on with a raised eyebrow.

“Sorry.” Eddy blushed, went outside to catch a breath of fresh air to give his buzzing brain a quick break.

He stopped midway, staring at the half-open door to Professor Hodgins office. Why did I let him see me on Saturday? He blushed thinking about the way he had smirked at the wet spot in his trousers. He made him come in his pants, he still heard him say.

Does he think I’m having some kind of an affair with Professor Yang? God! I’m really taking care of my flawless reputation here as a lazy, bimbo.

Suddenly, a thought crossed his mind. A more than immoral thought. Maybe, I can use that to my advantage. Maybe, if I flirt with him a little bit, if I touch his arm or something, I could get a few days more. I mean, he’s clearly interested. What’s the worst that could happen?

“Chen, what are you doing out here? Did you want to talk to me?”

Eddy snapped out of it when Hodgins peered through the door and stuttered something about wanting an extension for his paper.

“Why don’t you come in and we talk a bit more?” Hodgins opened the door a bit further and made an inviting gesture. The closer he got with each step, the higher the hairs on his neck stood up as if he were a rabbit invited into the lion’s den. What’s the worst that could happen?

Brett leaned back in his chair; something was off about Chen.

When they were playing the violin together, his face always seemed kind of flushed and red. He averted his eyes when they were talking like he was embarrassed about something. Maybe he was embarrassed about his awful playing? No big deal though, right? He was just nervous. Maybe, because he fell asleep in his office? He sighed, no, that wasn’t it. Nothing else came to mind that could explain his weird behaviour but then again, Brett wasn’t behaving appropriately either.

He would be lying if didn’t admit that he thought about his assistant’s lips, often.

He would be lying if he didn’t admit that on Saturday, he had been watching Chen sleep.

He would be lying if he didn’t admit that the soft moans, he uttered in his dreams aroused him to the point his trousers got tight.

He would be lying if he didn’t admit that he had thought about touching himself listening to his deep sighs.

And it was all wrong. It felt so wrong. And yet…Fuck, if he could just once, just once lean in and - stop it! Stop it! That’s enough!

Brett jumped up and left the room to go to the bathroom to wash his face with cold water. He stopped in his tracks when he passed Nick’s office. The door was partially open, he only peered inside when he heard Nick say something that made his blood run cold.

“It would be my pleasure, Chen. A small favour to ask in exchange, right?”

Brett pushed the door open a little further and was greeted by a scene that released a storm of anger and to his own dismay arousal in his brain.

Chen was pressed against the wall in front of Nick’s heavy mahogany desk, blatant shock painted on his face as the professor extended one hand and brushed some hair behind his right ear. Distracted by the hand close to his face, he did not seem to pay attention to the sneaky fingers that were about to dig into his buttocks.

A soft whimper escaped his trembling lips as they disappeared behind him.

“Are you always this shy? It seemed like you were having fun in your office last Saturday.”

Nick was standing so close to him now that Brett could not really see what was happening between them but when he heard the noise of a zipper being pulled down, he awoke from his stupor and barged into the room.

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”

Nick stumbled backwards against his desk in surprise but quickly recovered.

“Joining the party?” He smirked.

“Fuck off!” Brett positioned himself between Nick and his assistant.

“Brett, come on. You know why he’s here.” The senior brushed back his hair and tugged his shirt back in place, seemingly not really fazed by what his colleague was getting so upset about.

“Nick, I will tell you one last time to leave him alone.”

“He came to me.”

“That is not the point.”

“Fine, fine. You win. I’m not in the mood to fight.” He lifted both of his hands to the sky. “I’ll drop it, but he won’t get that extension.”

Brett rubbed over his face frustrated with his colleague.

“He doesn’t need your benevolence to pass.”

“You sure about that?” Nick was inspecting his fingernails complacently when Brett realised that Chen hadn’t said anything yet. As a matter of fact, he still seemed to be in shock, hugging the wall behind him, shivering uncontrollably.

“Fuck you, Nick.” Brett groaned fed up with arguing about territorial rivalries.

“Let’s get you out of here.” He said to his assistant and without thinking twice about what he was doing, he zipped him up and guided him by the sleeve back to their office.

“See you soon, Chen.” Nick shouted as they left.

He sat him down on his chair.

“What were you thinking?”

Unable to speak, Eddy stared at nothing in particular.

“Didn’t you learn your lesson at the pub last week? I could have asked him for you, you don’t have to do that kind of stuff.”

He buried his face in his hands, trying to hold it together. Fuck, he hadn’t expected to be cornered like that. Professor Hodgins would have gone all in if Professor Yang hadn’t intervened and Eddy himself was too chicken to defend himself against his predatory superior. God! And then he zipped him up! Fuck’s sake. That was so embarrassing. He couldn’t do anything right, could he?

“There, there.” A cautious hand patted his shoulder. “It’s okay.” Eddy looked up through watery eyes and wished with his whole body that he could hug the shapeless figure in front of him.

Chapter Text

“Mom, I don’t think you can help with this.”

“Sweetie, don’t you make me upset. I know that I haven’t gone to university and such but I am still smart enough to read your paper!”

“Mom…”

“Sweetie…”

“Mom…it’s just…”

“Edward Chen. Send me your paper! I want to read it! Can a mother not read her son’s academic writing?”

He sighed. What use was it to fight your stubborn mother?

“Okay, I’ll send it to you tonight.”

“Send it to me now. I will stay on the phone and look at my emails while you do it. I know you too well, Sweetie. You’re going to try and pretend you forgot.”

Eddy couldn’t help but smile to himself.

“Okay, okay. I’ll do it now.”

“Thank you.”

The I-love-you she sent his way when they hung up went right to his heart and reduced the crippling anxiety he had felt at the beginning of their call to a little speck of dust. Even if she couldn’t help, at least he would be able to set the essay aside for just an evening. He wasn’t really sure why he was still trying to finish it on time, it was highly improbable that he would, but a break might actually not be the worst idea. Maybe he’d be able to continue with a fresh set of ideas tomorrow.

He packed up his laptop and headed from his dorm to the office. After the last lecture, he had needed a quick lie down and had called his mom, desperate to tell someone about some of the shit that was happening.

It was nearly 6pm now and he felt guilty for getting to work so late. He would be lying if he didn’t admit that he was stalling a little bit, so that the professor might have gone home already, hopefully. He didn’t want to see anyone today, not after what happened yesterday. Every time he thought about it, he cringed physically. How could he be so stupid!

You don’t flirt with professors and you sure as hell don’t start crying in front of them!

Fuck this. If I didn’t need the money, I would quit.

Definitely.

Surely.

Maybe.

No, I wouldn’t.

Even though Hodgins gave him the creeps and Professor Yang must probably think he was a psychotic wreck, he liked working for him. It was fun. Work could be fun! Who would have thought! Who would have thought that working in a field that actually piques your interest is fun?

And, ignoring the fact that he shouldn’t flirt with his professor, he also didn’t mind the subtle tension that he thought he was detecting between him and his professor. Nothing overt. There was nothing in particular that he could pinpoint but it was the way he caught him staring sometimes that made him think there was something more between them than just collegiality. But that was probably just imagination.

“Hi!”

“Uahh.” Eddy jumped at the professor interrupting his lewd thoughts.

“Sorry!” Professor Yang smiled apologetically.

“I didn’t mean to startle you.” The strange feeling that he had heard him say this before snuck through his bones and made the hairs on his back stand up.

“Are you busy this evening?” Yang turned on his office chair and leaned towards one side, coolly supporting himself on one armrest.

“Ugh…I thought I would work a little, maybe?” He could feel his cheeks glowing, wondering whether he was dreaming again.

“Eh, don’t worry about that. Why don’t you accompany me to a concert?!”

“What?” Eddy frowned.

“A concert. It’s outside. A string quartet playing in the botanical garden.”

“Ugh…I don’t have a ticket.” He scratched his chin. And I’m not wearing anything fancy enough for a concert.

“My bad, I forgot to mention, I have a spare ticket and I thought you might like to come with me. But if you prefer to work, then I’ll probably head out alone.”

He hesitated. I should work. But Eddy had quickly fallen again for his big puppy eyes.

On the other hand, it’s a free concert. Fuck it.

“I… yes, would love come with you.”

“Great!” The professor beamed from ear to ear. “We’ll have to leave in about an hour and a half.”

“Okay.” Eddy kept standing a little awkwardly in the doorway. “Professor Yang?”

“Yes?”

“I’ll have to go change quickly before we go.”

“Of course!” He smiled. “Don’t bother wearing a suit though. A white shirt will do.”

Eddy nodded a little unsure. Is this a date? Nothing in his behaviour let on that he was trying to get in his pants. His imagination was probably playing tricks on him. Professor Yang was just a generous employer who enjoyed his company.

He was about to leave again to get changed in his dorm when remembered that he had forgotten something.

“Thank you.” He said quickly.

“It’s my pleasure.”

The crimson in his cheeks had barely disappeared when it flared up again at his reply.

“That shirt really suits you.” Brett blurted out watching the younger man tidy up his desk before they would leave.

Pull yourself together! He’s had enough people preying on him already.

“Thank you.” Chen blushed barely enough for Brett to notice. Still, he couldn’t take his eyes off his high cheekbones.

Fuck me, those shoulders look nice in that white shirt.

He absent-mindedly pulled in his bottom lip between his teeth. A few papers floated off the table. Chen stretched his arms over the desk, bending over the edge to catch them in the air, firm round butt towards Brett.

“Shit.” He murmured and turned away, his pants suddenly just a tad bit too tight.

“I’ll be ready in a minute.” His assistant said apologetically, putting back the papers on their respective piles.

Brett suddenly panicked. He can’t see me like this. Think of something else, think of music, think of playing the violin. Focus. Godammit. But all he could think of was Chen playing, lips apart, brows knitted together, sliding his bow over the strings of his violin, quickly, back and forth, bouncing, rubbing against each other like two hungry lovers.

“Excuse me just a moment. I have to go to the bathroom.” Brett hurried outside and disappeared into one of the stalls.

Calm the fuck down! 100…99…98…97…96…Fuck. He glanced down at himself. It’s not going away. Calm down, calm down. Count! 95…94…93…92…91… He went on, pressing his palms into the wall in front of him. Keep counting. 90…89…88…87. The telling tent in his pants had disappeared when he reached 50 and dared to look down at himself again.

You’re pathetic.

Brett fell back against the wall, sighed disappointed in himself and got back to the office where Chen leaned against his desk, waiting. The evening sun was streaming through the big window behind him and doused everything into a golden shimmer.

Gimme a break! Godammit. Can I not catch a goddamn break from this man?!

“Shall we?” He heard himself say, still a little shaken.

He came home buzzing, an urgent need burning in his stomach. The night had been warm, and the air heavy with music and forbidden fantasies. He kicked off his shoes and rushed upstairs where everything was already quiet.

“Are you still awake?” He whispered hopefully into the darkness, stripping down.

“No.” She sighed.

He slipped under the covers anyway and extended his hands over to caress her back.

Without paying attention to the sudden stiffness in her body, he inched closer until his hips touched her bum and his hand trailed to her chest.

“It’s a pity that you couldn’t come to the concert tonight.” He whispered lowly.

“Brett.” She warned him.

“Come on.” He tenderly kissed the small section of her naked shoulder that was peeking out from under the sheets.

“We haven’t done it in months.”

“I’m not in the mood.” She kicked her feet at nothing.

“Don’t make me beg.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“Please.”

“No.” She pulled up the covers to her chin and Brett sighed with frustration.

After a brief moment of silent deliberation, he asked: “Could you at least give me a hand?”

“Are you serious?” She turned around indignantly.

He sighed. “I’ve really tried to be as supportive of a husband I can be but there are limits…”

“Are you giving me an ultimatum?”

He remained silent, pleading with his eyes that she would just comply.

“What are you going to do if I don’t sleep with you? Hm?” She raised her eyebrows challengingly but Brett wasn’t going to through with his threat and she knew that.

She shook her head at him. “Just go jack off in the shower, Brett.” and turned her back to him.

“Good night.”

That was it.

He had sworn to stop.

To his own astonishment, he had actually stopped seeing Nick but she didn’t make it easy, did she? He hadn’t expected her to get even colder towards him after she had given him the news. He hadn’t expected her to be so distant.

But it wasn’t just that. He’d be a fool if he truly believed that a quick round with his wife would satiate the starving monster inside him.

It wasn’t just the sex he missed.

He couldn’t deny that he was longing for the touch of another man. He missed the rough hands, the stubble scratching his skin, the hairy legs, the flat chest, the cock.

Fuck. He missed being fucked.

And even if he pushed his desire into a dark corner of his mind, it would patiently lie in wait for the right opportunity to swallow him whole.

When her breathing slowed down into the regular rhythm of a deep sleeper, he shoved his hand into his pyjama pants and manhandled himself trying to keep his brain from diverging from his usual fantasy to that new tempting imagery of plump lips, almond shaped eyes, and big hands. He jerked himself off uncaringly, roughly to the point his skin burned as if his relief was supposed to be a punishment to ease the guilt weighing down on his shoulders.

Chapter Text

It was kind of pathetic, wasn’t it?

The most romantic date he had ever had was neither really a date nor was it with a potential lover. There had been fairy lights, lanterns, the air had buzzed with quiet excitement, people had been dressed in shimmering dresses and dark suits.

The scent of exotic flowers had hung in the air and had made him kind of drunk.

And all evening he hadn’t been able to take his mind off the person sitting next to him. The man casually folding his legs over each other, leaning back, listening attentively, absorbed in the crescendos and pianos of the music playing on the small stage between giant ferns and lush banana trees. The man he had disappointed so many times and who had still invited him along to a concert he would not have been able to afford in many years. The man he so desperately wanted to impress but failed each and every time. The man who haunted his dreams, haunted every minute his mind could wander.

And so, he let his mind fly off to the music, imagining things that would probably never come true.

When the music had stopped and everyone had stood up to cheer, Eddy had felt a tug at his heart as if a dream had been shattered. He had turned to the professor next to him who was wearing a smart blue suit that accentuated his pale features to make them look just like silk in the soft shine of the lanterns. When he had been about to open his mouth, the smaller man had squeezed his arm and said good bye, quickly, abruptly hurrying away, leaving Eddy almost heartbroken at the sudden loss. He had wanted to talk a bit, to walk through the gardens maybe, enjoy the warm night, maybe find a quiet corner to exchange some hushed confessions, to sink down into those big brown eyes.

But he was sure now that the tension he had felt between them was all in his head anyway. Professor Yang had seemed so reluctant to stay any longer, that he guessed he regretted bringing Eddy to such a romantic place. How couldn’t he? He was a failure in every way possible. His playing was horrible, he didn’t complete his work, he couldn’t even be a decent human being and pass his courses with proper work ethic. Yeah, he would regret going out with himself too.

What the hell was he thinking? What the hell was he doing? He shouldn’t go out with his assistant. He shouldn’t invite him to concerts that were so romantic enamoured couples would propose to each other afterwards.

He needed to distance himself from him. He had promised to himself not to sleep around anymore, to be decent, to be a good husband. Finally, after years of having an affair with his colleague, he would become a changed man. He would stay firm; he would ignore the small incessant voice in his head that begged him to arrange something with Nick.

Just once, just a quick one. You’d feel better after. It would be easier afterwards.

It had been four months and ten days now since the last time they had shared a bed.

Yes, he counted the days, and yes, he thought about that last time, nearly every single day. But no, he wouldn’t. He wouldn’t give in and he wouldn’t start something new with his assistant either. He would be good and normal and he would suffer because if that’s what it took to be a good husband, then that’s what he needed to do.

Brett found himself in their usual spot in the bar downtown, a whiskey in his hand, Nick to his left watching the game on the telly across the room. He had called a few hours earlier and Brett hadn’t really wanted to stay in on this Saturday evening. His wife had been moody lately. That was his excuse. But he would stay firm. He was here to spend time with a good friend. At least that’s what he told himself.

He downed the rest of his whiskey.

He wasn’t here to hook up.

“Let’s get you another.” He heard him say.

“Thanks.”

“You seem like you need it.” Nick smiled warmly and touched his arm slightly searching for Brett’s gaze. If he wanted to, he could be quite charming.

“I’m fine.” He said averting his eyes.

“Really? You don’t seem fine.” He took a sip of his drink.

“Leave it.”

“I think you miss me.” He wriggled his eyebrows jokingly.

Brett shook his head.

“No? I feel incredibly hurt!” He put his hand over his heart. “Well, that’s probably because you found someone younger. Someone cuter, haven’t you?” Even though his tone was still friendly, Brett believed that he detected a little sadness swinging in his voice.

“No, it isn’t.” He turned away; he wasn’t in the mood to argue.

“You know Brett, you don’t have to lie to me.”

“I’m not.” Brett was still staring at his drink, unwilling to face his former lover’s accusations.

Nick turned away to catch up on the last few movements of the players on the screen.

For a moment he thought, Nick had given up until he continued casually: “Maybe I’ll grant him an extension.” When he noticed Brett’s ears perking up, he added. “But first you’ll have to tell me about the details.”

“What details?”

“Breeeett,” He turned around. “I know you told me that you were going to stop sleeping with men but…I am one hundred percent sure that you are sleeping with your assistant.”

“I’m not.” He felt the alcohol slowly warming up his chest, Nick leaned forward and whispered.

“You’re such a bad liar Bretty. And now your gonna tell me you didn’t have his big plush lips around your cock last week.”

“What?” He nearly fell off his chair.

“Oh, come on! I saw him! You made him come in his big boy pants!”

“What are you talking about?”

“Okay, fine. If you don’t want to admit it, that’s fine. But I find it a little unfair, you know? You cockblock me to have him all to yourself. And now you don’t even want to share the details.”

“You are talking nonsense.”

“Fine, fine.” He waved his hand in the air. “I’ll pretend I don’t feel hurt or deceived by your dishonesty.” The back of his right hand jolted up to his forehead as if he were about to faint from heartbreak.

“Nick…”

“No, it’s okay. You keep your secrets, just, don’t fucking tell me you want to be faithful to your wife when you are obviously fucking your students.” He wasn’t joking anymore.

“No! I’m not…I’m not sleeping with… anyone.” His voice cracked at the last word and made Nick raise his eyebrows.

“She’s not letting you have it, is she?”

Brett didn’t respond.

“You’re really not sleeping with Chen?” It was more of a statement than a question.

“No! I…I’m not…” He buried his face in his hands. Why did he have to go over it a thousand times? He wasn’t having sex with anyone. Got it? Not one. single. person. And this wasn’t going to change in a while. He could cry. Fuck. He could really fucking cry right here.

Pathetic.

Suddenly, a big warm hand met his shoulder and slowly caressed his back.

“Do you want to come over and stay at mine tonight?” His low voice sent a shiver down his spine.

“No, I shouldn’t.” He responded without looking up.

“Brett…You don’t have to suffer like this. She doesn’t have to know.”

“That’s not the point Nick.”

“We don’t have to have sex.”

“Nick…”

“No, we’ll just hang out, I swear.”

“Yeah, as if either of us could stop ourselves.”

“Okay, fine. As you wish.” He withdrew his hand leaving Brett colder than before and turned back towards the telly.

It was after midnight when Brett decided that it was enough and that he should go home. The moment he let himself slide off the bar stool, the alcohol washed away his balance. Nick caught him just in time.

“Hey, hey, hey, put your arm around my waist.” Steadying Brett, he led him outside.

“Are you sure you can get home alone?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Really.” He said freeing himself from his firm grip.

“Good night.”

He stumbled away in the direction of the metro station but tripped on an empty beer bottle lying in the street. Nick pulled him up from the floor with both hands.

“Doesn’t look like you are fine.” He mocked the wobbling man in front of him rubbing his bottom.

“I am. Just let me…” He swayed towards a streetlamp and grasped it with both hands to lean against it.

“Brett, I don’t think I can let you go home alone.”

“I’m not that drunk.” He said unconvincingly and nearly tripped again over a cobble stone but this time keeping himself from falling by hanging onto the lamppost. Instead, he spun around the lantern as if he were in a musical.

“Why don’t you crash at mine?”

He could still think straight but his legs seemed to be made of rubber. Exhausted and a little dizzy going in circles, he leaned against the cold metal, forcefully breathing in the cold night air to sober himself up, ignoring the fact that he had downed the last of his drink just five minutes ago.

“Brett. I live right around the corner. You can sleep on the couch.”

He sighed and swayed a little when he looked up. Nick was standing in front of him, tall and handsome and helpfully resting his hand on his shoulder to keep him from spinning around the lantern.

“Maybe that…maybe that would be better. But I need to text her that I’m not coming home.” He relented.

“Sure, let’s do that when we’re at mine.”

“Okay.” Nick put an arm around him when he let go of the streetlamp and led him away.

Chapter Text

“Here’s a glass of water.” Nick sat down next to him on the comfy brown leather sofa.

“Thank you.” Brett took a sip and leaned back slowly drifting into dreamland. He had spent so many evenings on that sofa, it felt just like it was his own. Warm, cushy, welcoming, soothing most of all.

“I’m gonna sleep like a rock.” He mumbled his eyes already closed. It was probably for the best if he slept here. He yawned again lifting his hand to rub his eyes and slumped a bit lower into the couch. He could feel Nick’s eyes on him but he was too tired, too tipsy to care. A relaxed sigh escaped him.

“You look pretty when you’re sleepy.” A low voice complimented and all of a sudden a finger glid along his jawline, slowly, and briefly touched his bottom lip, making Brett instinctively suck in the touched flesh between his teeth.

He didn’t dare to open his eyes; he didn’t want to see. If he saw, he would have to fake that he didn’t want it. If he saw, he would have to struggle. So, he just pretended nothing was going on, that he was already asleep and maybe it would go away.

But soon enough there it was, the big hand at the back of his neck, the hungry lips pulling at his, the deep sighs.

He didn’t want to enjoy it. He didn’t want his hands to grab onto the rough fabric of his shirt.

He didn’t want to feel so desperate for him to put his weight against his longing body.

He thought that he could still save himself if he stopped now. It would just be a kiss. A little mistake, nothing that would undermine what he had promised himself.

Just stop now.

Now.

Now!

“I think we shouldn’t.” He managed to say, feeling dizzy and out of breath. Their faces still close to each other.

“Nah.” Nick objected and leaned in again for a kiss but only got the corner of his mouth when Brett turned his face away.

“Yes, I think we should stop.” Although weakly, Brett pushed him away, which made Nick smirk knowingly.

“You want this, Brett. Look how hard you are already.”

Even though the whole time Nick’s big hand had only been resting on his thigh, there was a dark spot just where his manhood was swelling into hardness.

When he looked down at himself, a sudden wave of embarrassment painted his cheeks red.

Not even his own body believed him.

Look at it. You’re such a failure.

“Nick…I-”

“Come on. It’ll be fine.” He interrupted shifting his hand slightly upwards.

“No, I shouldn’t- “, Brett swallowed hard and pushed his hand away, suddenly aware of how much bigger it was in comparison to his.

“Bretty…”

It had happened so quickly. As if he weighed nothing, Nick had swooped him off the sofa to his bedroom. He had felt like someone watching from above as he had undressed him unable to crawl out of the sticky swamp of alcohol, exhaustion and excited anticipation.

He was lying now in silky sheets, his shirt open, his boxers hanging from one of his ankles and Nick’s head bobbing up and down between his legs.

His fingers disappeared in his salt-and-pepper hair. “Nick.”

It seemed as if all the liquid in his body was boiling.

“Fuck.” He closed his hand to a fist. “Stop.” And pulled.

“Let’s just…” He struggled as the muscles in his hips contracted and he twitched aimlessly.

“Let’s just what, Bretty?” He smiled content with the reaction he was getting. His four-o’clock-shadow scratched the sensitive skin of his inner thigh when he kissed it fervently.

Fuck.

He had to stop. He didn’t want to be like this anymore. He didn’t want to be so weak. He couldn’t be a man anymore that was commanded by lust and desire. He wanted to be more. But every part of his body was starving for touch, was screaming for them to go on. For Brett to surrender to the ecstasy that was awaiting.

“I want to stop.” He said unconvincingly, pulling his shirt closed over his exposed chest.

“I don’t believe you.”

Nick grabbed his legs with both hands and bent them upwards. Slightly panicking at his firm grip, Brett fought against his attempt to get at his ass and tried to sit up.

“No. Rick. Let’s stop. I…” He begged, the unsympathetic look on his lover’s face made him nervous.

“Brett.” The taller man sighed, impatience swinging in his voice. He got onto the bed, already naked from the waist down. It was clear from the way he crawled on top of him that he had no intention of letting Brett get away.

“Stop playing hard to get. It’s getting ridiculous.” Brett was roughly shoved further down the mattress.

He watched in blatant disbelief as the bigger man spread his legs and took what he wanted.

It hurt this time.

“No…” In a fit of desperation Brett squeezed his eyes shut unable to reconcile the pressure quickly building in his abdomen with the need to escape.

“Wait.” he dug his nails into his arms.

“Give me a minute.” The lust in his eyes made him realise that there was no use fighting it. He tried to relax his cramped-up muscles against the sudden intrusion.

Maybe Nick saw the tears he was blinking away. Maybe he didn’t.

But when Brett loosened his grip, he kissed him consolingly.

With a clenched jaw and furrowed brows Brett stared at the wall to his right, trying to bite through the pain that was scorching his body.

“Relax for me, Bretty.” Nick’s voice lulled into his ear, lowly, firmly, leaving no space to protest as he started to mercilessly stroke him. A few experienced tugs were enough to get Brett to the point where he couldn’t help but moan through his teeth frustrated at his inability to control his voice. He felt his hips buck involuntarily as he succumbed to the burning need to thrust into the firm hand around his length. Something wet poured down his cheeks as he struggled against his own body betraying him.

It didn’t take long until he came onto his own belly a tear-stained mess and Nick finished off having his way with him unfazed by the wreck he had caused.

Scolding hot water poured over his head as he tried to scrub away the disgust, he felt for himself.

It was his own fault and he had paid the price. He shouldn’t have gone out. He should have stayed home. Stayed with his wife.

This is all so wrong.

Salty tears mixed with the fresh scent of the body wash he smelled on Nick every day. If he had had a choice, he would have preferred something different. Something that smelled foreign, strange, just not like him. But anything was better than reeking of cold sweat and rough sex.

Sex, he didn’t want to call it that. It had nothing to do with that. It was an unwanted exchange of bodily fluids. A forced transaction. Nothing more.

Nick was leaning against the doorframe of his bedroom in an old pair of boxers Brett recognized immediately as the pair he wore when he had last stayed over four months ago.

He pulled the towel around his shoulders over his chest but Nick had already seen the fading and the new red streaks crisscrossing over his pale skin.

“Hm.” He breathed out seemingly fascinated by the pattern.

“It’s not because of you.” He said briefly crossing his arms.

“Didn’t think so.” His blue eyes seemed to pierce right through his brain.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“Don’t have to.”

Silence.

“Come.” Nick turned around and disappeared into the dark bedroom. Brett stared at his feet on the cold tile floor and then followed the tall man.

A cup of coffee in one hand, a cigarette in the other, Nick was standing on the balcony. Grey clouds were hanging heavily from the morning sky ready to burst.

“You’re coffee’s on the counter.” He pulled at his cigarette.

Brett shook his head.

“I’m leaving now.”

“Okay.” Nick cleared his throat.

“I don’t want to see you again.” He heard his own voice tremble slightly.

“Where have I heard this before?” He said twirling the fag between his fingers.

“This was a mistake.” Brett sighed and crossed his arms defensively.

“You seem to be in a great mood this morning.” He said seemingly distracted by what was happening down in the street.

“I didn’t want this!” A big clump had formed in his throat.

“Stop pretending.” Nick shook his head, he looked tired letting his gaze wander over the skyline. “You wanted this as much as I wanted it and you know that.”

Silence.

Nick downed the rest of his coffee.

“I have no idea how your wife hasn’t noticed yet. Either she’s blind or a fool.” His voice filled the emptiness in Brett’s head like cement.

“Leave her out of this.”

“But isn’t she the reason this has been going on for so long?” He put out his cigarette and made a step towards Brett.

“No, I am just…confused, that’s all.” He averted his eyes.

“Sure Brett. You’ve been confused for the past five years.” Nick seemed annoyed with him.

“I don’t want to talk about it anymore.” He turned towards the glass door.

“Listen, you are going to end up in my bed sooner or later unless you find someone else who plays along with your charade.”

“I don’t need this.” He insisted defiantly opening the door to go inside.

“Sure.” Nick’s big hand grabbed at his shoulder and twirled him around. After a moment of hesitation, he leaned down, watching Brett’s pupils dilate and his mouth open in anticipation and then he pulled back, smirking triumphantly.

“You don’t need this, do you?”

“No.” Brett freed himself clumsily from his grip and forced himself not to look back when he left to go home.

She was sitting at the kitchen table, a wooden board and a little pot of blue paint in front of her on some newspaper. When he snuck by the door, she was about to sink the brush into the paint again but shouted immediately when she heard the front door fall shut:

“Where the fuck have you been?”

“Out.” Brett said weakly as he stopped in his tracks and slowly shuffled back to the kitchen.

“What the hell Brett! You’ve been gone since yesterday. You had me worried sick.” She still held her brush to point it at him accusingly.

“I can’t do this right now.” He sighed and rubbed his eyes under his glasses.

“What? What can’t you do? Apologize for disappearing?”

“Listen-”

“No, you listen. You promised me that you would stop doing that! And I thought that we had an agreement!” She looked at him obviously frustrated by his behaviour.

“Even though you might be surrounded by young students, you are not one of them, Brett! You are a married man with a baby on the way! Do you understand? You cannot just disappear like that without telling me!”

Brett scratched his forearm; he could feel the tears burning in his eyes.

“Brett, are you not gonna say anything?” She pressed annoyed.

He hid his face.

“Brett.”

And suddenly it spilled over.

“Brett!”

He choked at the pain in his throat.

“Stop! For god’s sake. You have no reason to cry!” Her flat hand crashed down on the table surface with a bang.

Uncontrollable sobs rattled his chest as he failed to regain composure.

“Stop!”

But it was impossible for him to cease sobbing into his hands, so he walked off, leaving his wife alone in the kitchen.

“I’m not done talking to you.”

“Brett!” He heard her push back her chair. A sudden flush of adrenaline made him disappear in the guest room and lock the door behind him. He couldn’t. He couldn’t, not now. He felt so raw. So weak. He leaned against the cold wood.

“Open the door.” The door handle turned uselessly. Silence. Something shuffled on the other side as if she were pressing her head against it to hear.

“Open the door, Brett.” She said quieter than before, the order morphed into a plea. Brett sank down along the wood to the ground.

“Brett?” She tried again.

Silence.

“Please open the door, darling.”

Her soft tone made him sob only more violently. She sighed. Some more shuffling and then:

“I’m not trying to fight with you, okay? I know that you like spending time with Nick, I understand that, he’s a lovely guy but just tell me when you don’t come home.”

Silence.

“I know that I haven’t been easy lately. And I know that hormones are not an excuse but…you know…It’s not easy for me either.”

Silence.

She groaned annoyed. “Okay. Brett. If you want to stay in there, then so be it. I’m going to see mom tonight anyway.”

Her steps faded away as Brett curled up against the door, his knees tucked in under his chin catching the tears that were flowing freely over his red cheeks.

Chapter Text

“Brett?”

He opened the door slowly. “I thought you went to see your mom?”

She breathed in and sighed. “I couldn’t. I need to talk to you.”

“Okay.”

“Can you come out?”

“Sure.”

They stood in the corridor, seemingly lost, two souls trying to find back to the common ground they had left so long ago.

She smoothed down the fabric of her dress covering her baby bump.

“Brett, since I asked you to stop going out so much, you just seem to bury yourself in work. And yesterday it all went back to shit!”

“I just don’t understand you. I…I feel like you are not looking forward to the baby at all. I’m the only one who is kind of getting things ready. I’m the one buying things, decorating the room, reading up on stuff…” She looked past him at the door to their kid’s room where she had spent so much time in painting, building furniture, making a nest.

“You seem so distant.” He thought that he could hear a tinge of regret in her soft voice.
He stayed quiet, what could he say? If he told her the truth-

“We don’t even have a name for the baby yet.” She added resting her hand on her belly. A long pause ensued in which both just stared at the bump between them.

“Do you even care?” The questions sounded honest, curious even, not at all reproachful.

“I do! Of course, I do!” He took her hand into his and squeezed it. “I’m just…scared.”

She smiled shaking her head dismissively. “You’re being silly. All parents are! But there is no reason to be scared. We’ll manage just fine. Millions of people raise babies and we’ll get a ton of help from my parents.”

“Don’t worry.” She caressed his cheek, her fingers caught in the stubble below his ear.

“But I need you to pitch in. I need you to commit.”

To commit. She needed him to commit. He couldn’t. He would never be able to do what she needed him to do. He knew that she knew it somewhere deep down. But neither wanted to admit it.

He made a step forward and hugged her, her bump keeping him from tightly winding his arms around her. She reciprocated the movement, although hesitantly, cautiously, as if trying to make sure that the weight Brett put into the hug wouldn’t crush her.

“Hey, is this seat taken?”

“Ugh, no.” He said absent-mindedly.

“Are you Eddy Chen?”

“Yeah?” Eddy looked up from his laptop. He was in between lectures, sitting at a table in the cafeteria, working on some assignments. He had sent off Hodgins’ essay yesterday, a minute before the deadline ended and to be honest, it was a load of horse-shit. Not enough theory or research, too much blabla and not enough proof for his claims. It would be a miracle if Hodgins let him get away with it. To distract himself, he had decided to work on some other stuff, outside, not in his room, just as a change of space. But the cafeteria was loud and bustling with other students and he couldn’t focus. He had been reading the last paragraph for at least fifteen minutes over and over again and gotten nowhere and he would probably not get anywhere if he stayed here now that this girl was trying to strike up a conversation.

“You’re Professor Yang’s new assistant?”

“Jep.” He sighed.

She was pretty.

“I wrote to you a couple of days ago about the final exam.”

Eddy vaguely remembered reading an email asking for tutoring.

“Oh, yeah. I remember. I haven’t gotten round to replying to you yet. Sorry.”

“No problem. I was just wondering if you could tutor me and a couple of my friends?”

“Ugh.” Shit. If I say yes, they are going to find out I have no fucking clue about this either. If I say no, she might think I’m an asshole. I might just be able to bullshit myself through this, maybe.

“Sure. Yeah. Why not.”

“Cool.”

They sat there a little awkwardly, she was shifting in her seat and gave Eddy time to look at her more closely. She was a rather small, slim, and had her long black hair in a pony tail that accentuated her high cheekbones. She was wearing a flowy red dress and, on her lap, she had a black bag with a prominent gold Medusa head just in the middle.

Versace.

Why would she ask him for tutoring? Her parents could probably afford to pay for a private tutor any day of the week.

“What’s your name actually?”

“Oh, I forgot to tell you, didn’t I? It’s Sophie.” She smiled coquettishly and smoothed down a non-existent loose strand of hair at the side of her head.

She crossed her legs and brushed against his shin just lightly with her ballerina shoe.

“Sorry.”

“No problem.” Even though he had never really felt any attraction towards women, the girl sitting across from him made him nervous.

“Eddy”, she paused as if savouring his attention, “we’re going to have a party this Friday evening, would you like to come?”

“A party?” A party. I don’t think I remember the last time I went to a party. The sad truth was that during his whole time studying, he had not been invited to one single gathering. Not surprising if he took into consideration that he also had no friends on campus. Or anywhere really.

“Yeah, nothing huge, just a little get-together.” She waved her delicate hand dismissively.

“I don’t know.” The thought of having to meet tipsy strangers made him feel uneasy. What would he even talk about? He remembered the Pub crawl. Good he could go without another awkward evening of small talk.

“Come, it will be fun.” She leaned forward, and Eddy’s eyes flickered instinctively to her flawless cleavage. “We are going to be in one of the old unused practice rooms in building C, you’ll find us, just listen for the music.”

“Okay.” He nodded more to acknowledge that he understood where it was, less as a confirmation that he would show up.

“Bring some booze.” She winked and then seemed to have remembered something. “Can I give you my number?”

“Ugh”, he patted down his jeans only to find his phone in his jacket. She handed it back to him brushing at his hand slightly.

“Gotta go now. See you at the party Eddy.”

“Bye.” He waved awkwardly and stared at his display where she had typed in her name with a heart emoji at the end.

What the fuck is wrong with me?

I can’t do this anymore.

I should just…I should just leave. Why don’t I just leave everything and go somewhere far away? Where nobody knows me, nobody wants anything from me, nobody knows what a fucking mess I made of my life.

He would be a terrible father. Not by default but because of the fact that he hated where he was in his life. He was trapped. Inside and outside his marriage. Trapped in the beginning of a life-long commitment to a child that he would care for but still leave at home to go meet his lover.

He felt so powerless, so weak. He was ashamed of his body that betrayed him so readily. Ashamed of how he moaned and begged. It was disgusting. He was disgusting.

And of course, just when he was about to crumble into a million pieces, his assistant came up to his desk to ask about his essay.

“Have you had time to look over it yet?” Chen looked at him hopefully.

“No.” Another one disappointed. He averted his eyes back to the computer trying to compose himself.

“Oh, okay.” Without another word, Chen turned and then grabbed his lunch from his desk to go eat outside. But before closing the door behind him, he hesitated and then came back inside.

“Is it bad?”

“No.” He sounded more annoyed than he wanted and immediately regretted his tone when he noticed Chen’s worried expression.

“Did I do something wrong?” He asked quietly.

“No, Chen, you did nothing wrong. Just go.” Please just leave.

“Is everything okay?” The genuine worry in his voice made him feel all the more fragile.

“It’s been a bit much lately.” He confessed and heard his own voice quiver.

Chen approached his desk. “Can I help somehow?”

“No. No. I …you can’t do anything.” He was trying to swallow the knot that was swelling up his throat. And took off his glasses to rub the bridge of his nose but the burning in his eyes only flared up more intensely.

“Excuse me.” He suddenly got up and without really looking where he was walking because he so desperately tried to hide his face from Chen, he collided with his broad chest. And in a brief moment of weakness Brett paused and leaned in, breathed in and closed his eyes. The inevitable tear spilling onto his assistant’s shirt.

And then as quickly as it happened Brett pushed him away abruptly as if he had been burned.

“Chen, I…I…you…” he cleared his throat. “Sorry.” Without meeting his confused stare, he vanished through the office door, not to come back until the next day.

Chapter Text

Brett couldn’t fall asleep but was staring at the ceiling. His brain was incessantly going through those five seconds he had spent in Chen’s arms.

Five seconds too long.

It was all so wrong.

It was wrong of him to feel this way. To feel warm and fuzzy and all kinds of things breathing in his faint smell.

Was it cinnamon? Coffee? Something cozy. Something one would want to cuddle into on a cold winter’s day. He shook his head abruptly, chasing the inviting scene away. It doesn’t matter what he smelled like! Get it together!

He angrily pushed down his fists against the duvet and then turned to his side frustrated with himself for not being able to escape the tension building in his lower abdomen.

Every time he closed his eyes, the warmth of Chen's hug drugged his brain and let him slip off into dreams that would make him feel guilty the next morning.

In the same night across town, Eddy was lying awake trying to figure out why today of all days two people had tried to make a move on him.

Do I smell differently today?

He took a whiff of his armpit.

Nah, not better or, for the matter, worse than usual. My hair is the same. I don’t think I was wearing anything particular that would warrant this much attention.

He was baffled at the young woman asking for his number, inviting him to her party, overtly flirting with him even though they had never met before. This stuff only ever happened in movies. But she was not what was keeping him from drifting off…

It was the hug.

Fuck, that hug.

The brief but tight wind of his professor’s arms around his waist was holding his brain hostage. He couldn’t stop thinking about his breath brushing over his neckline, the soft sigh that asked him to allow it, the heat of their chests pressed together.

Was it real?

Maybe I hallucinated the whole thing. Maybe I just fell asleep on my desk again. He pinched himself. Nothing changed. Still alone in his bed, he turned to face the wall and tried not to think about what this could mean. What could be. What shouldn’t be.

The week dragged along with Eddy on its crooked back, who was increasingly frustrated by the fact that his professor had been avoiding him all week.

It was Friday evening now; Professor Yang had already left before he had come to the office. That’s what he assumed. He wasn’t really sure whether he had been here though but he thought those papers seemed to have changed height and his chair was angled differently.

He sighed.

I mean sure…It was kind of awkward but…he didn’t mind. He really didn’t mind.

Maybe next week he would come it a bit earlier and catch him, what for, he didn’t really know. He just needed to see Professor Yang. To make sure, to make sure that…to see whether what he felt was worth chasing.

It was nearly 9pm. The building was quiet. The lamp on his desk was the only light source illuminating the office as he finished up for the day, tidying up his desk with slow movements. Tonight, was the night of that party he had been invited to on Monday. He still wasn’t sure whether he’d be going. Maybe that was why he took so long to put his stationary away. He opened the right drawer of his desk and pulled out a heavy bag that clonked loudly against the wood of the desk.

Yesterday he had bought a bottle of cheap whiskey to bring along. He should probably take a swig before leaving to settle his nerves. The cork squeaked loudly in the quiet office. He poured a generous helping into his coffee mug and downed the brown liquid that burned his throat so much he coughed like a teenager taking his first sip of alcohol.

He groaned and wiped over his mouth with his sleeve. Another. He poured again; the bottle glugged happily.

Maybe it was going to be fun? Maybe I’ll meet someone nice. Maybe someone my age? I should focus on that. And if I don’t, I’ll just get smashed and at least, by the end of the night, I would have distracted myself from the mess in my head.

After downing the second swig, he rubbed over his face and got up. Thinking about the brain-frying hug from his professor wasn’t only thing that kept him awake at night; he was dreading the grading of the sad excuse of an essay he had handed in for Hodgins’ lecture last weekend. Sure, his mom had looked over it and suggested a few minor improvements but it couldn’t be saved for the life of him. He was fairly sure that he had failed and still, as it were, there was this persistent little spark of hope that was driving him insane.

If he had failed, he would have to redo the course next year. And instead of graduating, he would add another bill to the debt that had accumulated over the course of his studies. Another loan, another semester eating cup noodles and growing out his hair too long because he couldn’t afford a haircut.

He sighed and closed the door behind him, leaving his hand resting on the door knob, unable to let go. Swaying a little as if trapped in limbo.

I shouldn’t have downed those shots so quickly.

“Chen!” A deep gravelly voice called from within the half-open door to his left and made him jump even though it was no surprise to Eddy that Hodgins was still in the building so late.

Their paths crossed often. Like Eddy, he seemed not to be around in the mornings but show up in the afternoon and stay late until the moon would send its cold white light through the high windows in the corridor.

“Yes?” Eddy responded meekly, then cleared his throat getting rid of the mucus that had accumulated from not talking all day. This could only be about the essay. He put his head through the slightly open door.

“Come in; I would like to talk to you.” The big man was leaning forward in his chair, his hands shuffling paper.

“Of course.” He slipped in but stayed close to the frame, his heart already pounding quickly as he anxiously twisted the strap of his backpack waiting for the crushing verdict on his academic writing.

“Close the door please.” Hodgins remarked absent-mindedly looking through a few papers on his desk.

It fell shut with a quiet click.

“You probably know what I want to talk to you about.” The way he raised one scrutinizing eyebrow made Eddy’s stomach drop.

He nodded hesitantly. “My paper?”

“Right.” He took a deep breath as if to ready himself for the cascade of criticism that he was to let loose.

“See, you are the assistant of a professor, Chen. You handed in an essay that I think we can both agree was not what one can expect from a man in such a position.”

He chuckled holding up a piece of paper, waving it around dismissively. “Really, it was not worth anyone’s time.”

Eddy swallowed hard before whispering more to himself than his professor.

“I failed.”

“Yes, you did. It could not have been more definitive.” The professor leaned back in his chair and examined his fingernails as if there were nothing more trivial and boring than failing a student.

“Okay.” Eddy managed, already turning to open the door, a big knot in his throat. He had known that it was bad but he didn’t need Hodgins to rub it in. He didn’t need to suffer through this. He would just go and bury himself under the covers of his lonely bed and drink the rest of his booze.

“I’m not a monster though.” Hodgins remarked watching Eddy intently. “You can turn that fail around if you agree to…how shall I put it…”

He let his right hand rub over the pleaded fabric hugging his thigh, waiting as if to see whether he had caught Eddy’s attention.

“Agree to…?” He couldn’t help walk into the trap.

“To do me a favour.”

“What kind of favour?” He was biting at the hook dangling in front of him.

“Come over here behind my desk” Hodgins tried to reel him in after a heavy pause.

Little droplets of sweat were forming at the top of his brows as Eddy hesitated kneading his fingers nervously.

“Come.” He beckoned with his whole hand but Eddy remained glued to the door frame. His heart was pounding so loud that Hodgins’ voice was buried beneath the persistent quick drumming in his ears.

Seemingly growing impatient with him, the big man emerged from behind his desk and prowled over to the shivering wreck he was.

“Chen, you know what I want from you.” With a determined pull he separated Eddy’s hands from each other and lead him away from the entrance. Feeling his hand disappear in the rough palm of his professor, Eddy realised that just like that he had made a deal even though he hadn’t said anything. Just like that he had given up control.

Towering over Eddy, he slid his fingers underneath the straps of his grey backpack and slipped it off his shoulders, down to the ground where it came to rest against the dark wooden desk. Eddy’s mouth opened and closed uselessly, trying to articulate some kind of objection but nothing came out and so, having abandoned all of his dignity, he let Hodgins pull his shirt out of his dress pants and slide his hands underneath to firmly grab at his waist as if he had been waiting to do this for months. The sudden warm embrace made him gasp, frozen in place, a lightening of heat zapping from his hips to his face.

Unable to move, he felt one of his hands move upwards towards his chest while the other softly rubbed along the seam of his trousers and then along the zipper.

An unintelligible sound escaped Eddy’s throat as Hodgins’ fingers collided with a hard nipple.

The man leaned forward; his mouth close to Eddy’s ear “Have you ever had sex with an older man?” A teasing palm pressed between his legs.

“N-no.” He stuttered feeling Hodgins cup his genitals, not ready to admit how eagerly his starved cock twitched at the touch.

“Really? I was sure you had some experience when you pranced in here the last time.”

His hands wandered to the back of his trousers and squeezed his buttocks contemplatively. Eddy was sure that his face was completely red by now as his cheeks burned with embarrassment.

“Maybe another day, I’m feeling a bit lazy today.” Professor Hodgins sighed languidly and slowly descended until his lips met Eddy’s neck fleetingly. Eddy tensed up at the rough feel of his stubble against his skin as he tried to ignore the persistent tingling that ran through his body.

“You really need that pass, don’t you?”

Hodgins backed off and sat down on his big dark green leather chair legs spread wide.
Unable break eye contact, Eddy nodded slowly feeling exposed and pathetic with his shirt messily hanging over his half-hard dick pushing against his dress pants.

Savouring his undivided nervous attention, Hodgins let his gaze trail from the top of his head down to his feet, pulling off his clothes with every centimetre he scrutinized with his blue eyes.

“Get on your knees, Chen.” He broke the deafening silence when his eyes flicked from his shoes back up to his lips.

“I-” Eddy’s heart jumped furiously as his veins were flushed with adrenaline urging him to run away.

“You want to turn that fail into a pass, you get on your knees now.” He said calmly, patiently leaning back, rocking his legs apart and closed repeatedly.

Down on his knees, Eddy felt a thumb caressing his cheekbone, the dark looming shadow of his professor obstructing the light of the desk lamp behind him.

“Those glasses really suit you, you know.” He pulled at his chin as if to move him closer and Eddy obliged, coming to a halt between his legs, not daring to touch anything avoiding looking at the bulging crotch in front of him.

Hodgins snickered pleased, unbuckled his belt and freed his member.

“Don’t be shy.”

“Come on, you know what you have to do.” His big bear paw landed on Eddy’s shoulder and squeezed it hard a couple of times. Eddy swallowed and worked up the courage to make a fist around his warm flesh.

“You are going to do just fine.” He lifted his chin up, letting his thumb pull down his lower lip. He couldn’t help but follow the arm upwards until their eyes met, only for him to quickly look away when he noticed Hodgins’ amused grin.

“Since the first day I met you, I’ve wanted those plump plush lips of yours on my dick. They seem perfect for this.” His hand weighed heavily on his head intertwining with his wiry hair.

“Go on.” He leaned back pulling him closer and Eddy closed his eyes, clenched and unclenched his jaw warming up his muscles and committed.

“Mmmh.”

“Slower.”

“Yeah, just like that.”

A cacophony of low hums, heavy breathing, wet slurps and involuntary gulps permeated the otherwise quiet office and caused Eddy’s brain to conjure up with images of much smaller hands in his hair.

“Fuck. You’re doing great, boy.” He sighed breathlessly when Eddy instinctively increased his rhythm, pushing one of his hands into the warmth of his own groin.

“I’m gonna come.” Hodgins' legs twitched as he pushed his feet into the ground and his hips upwards.

“Fuck.” He moaned taking off his hand from Eddy’s head.

"You have to get off if you don’t want to swallow.” He warned and Eddy promptly removed his face, falling back onto his bum. One low grunt escaped the old man when he blew his load into the handkerchief he had pulled out of his dress pants, then turning his attention to Eddy, handing him a tissue from one of the drawers of his desk to clean up.

They sat, Eddy on the floor, Hodgins in his chair for a while, not saying anything, breathing heavily until the professor cleared his throat and brushed off some imaginary dust from his trousers. Without looking at Eddy he went through a stack of papers and drew a piece of paper with narrow writing out of the bunch. The margins of the pages were filled with comments in red and at the top of the first page, close to Eddy’s name, he had written “fail” in big red letters, which he now crossed out and substituted with a “pass”. Everything happened as if it had been rehearsed. Mechanical. Automatic. As if done a thousand times before.

“I’ll put it into my records as a passing grade.”

His lips sticky, Eddy just nodded and got up, knees aching.

“Your backpack.” Hodgins reminded when Eddy was already half-way out the door.

“Thank you.”

“Anytime, Chen. Anytime.” He murmured putting his essay back on the stack.

In the restroom, Eddy gargled some of the whiskey and spit it into the sink.

I need a shower.

He looked at messed up face in the mirror and a wave of shame crashed over him for how aroused he had gotten hearing and watching the old man groan and pull at his hair. He took another big sip from the now significantly emptier bottle.

I’m not staying home tonight.

Not in a million years would he go lie in his bed now and think about what he had just done.

Chapter Text

The party was already in full swing when Eddy turned up in building C. The low vibrations of the bass guided him to a dimly lit corridor, illuminated by fairy lights that had been strung up over the frames of two doors. The third door at the end of the hall was opening and shutting frequently as people went in and came out chatting, sipping beer and liquor from plastic cups. A pretty girl and her equally gorgeous friend eyed him when he passed them and rested their eyes a bit too long on Eddy’s still flushed lips.

They know.

Do they know?

They know what I did.

How would they know though?

No, they can’t know. Breathe Eddy.

Calm down. No one is going to know. Just chill. Have a drink, forget what happened, forget that you sucked off your professor for a better grade.

But I mean how low can you go?

I should have just gone to bed and called mom. No, I couldn’t have, she would have known instantly that something is wrong. Even over the phone.

And what would I have even told her?

Yeah, mom, I have no self-worth and blew my professor to save us some money.

Sure.

Of course, she wouldn’t have been mad; she would have been heartbroken about the fact that her only son had sold himself in order not to put more of a financial strain on their already meagre funds.

The door opened again and, in that moment, Eddy decided to throw himself into the ball of moving people. The colours hopefully suffocating the self-deprecating thoughts in his head.
But no. This crowd would not build him up. If he had hated himself for what he had done before, now he hated himself for who he was.

To his left, a couple was making out in one of the chairs, legs and arms intertwined, hands in flowy hair and Eddy suddenly felt piercing envy from their perfectly normal, perfectly banal, perfectly stereotypical relationship. Why couldn’t he be like that? Why couldn’t he have a boyfriend and make out in the corner of a loud trashy party? Why did he have to… For a moment, the memory of a big palm on his head sent a lightning of heat to his cheeks. He quickly tried to shake it off by substituting the image with another of much smaller hands flattening his shirt against his back. Eddy hoped no one noticed how flustered he had gotten and pushed through the dense crowd of people swaying to the music, hugging.
Why the fuck, do I have to be such a fucking loser?

“Eddy!” A female voice called him and a hand of delicate fingers wrapped around his upper arm. “I thought you wouldn’t come.”

Sophie squished herself past a couple that was dancing closely, faces smashed together.

“Hi.”

“Hey.” She smiled and tightened the grip on his arm for a second until she let go and brushed her hair behind her ear with the same hand, a miniature version of that other black Versace bag was swinging from her elbow.

“Here.” She pushed a cup into his hand and cheered downing the rest of the beverage in her own cup. Feeling the buzz of the room and her expectant stare, Eddy decided to do the same and chugged his drink, only to wince in disgust as soon as he finished. Sophie laughed and slightly embarrassed hid her mouth behind a pale hand.

“Sorry, I don’t seem to get the proportions right yet.”

“It’s o-o-o-kay”, Eddy tried to say but coughed more than he spoke. He had just downed a cup of rum with a splash of coke.

“Come, let me introduce you to a couple of my friends.” Without any hesitation she interlaced her fingers with his and dragged him off towards the back of the room, where two guys and a girl were sitting on an old couch. All of them dressed as if they had been cut out from the latest vogue magazine and strategically placed for a collage.

Look at these people! Most of them are wearing designer clothes, carry designer purses and bags, flaunt their designer ear rings and glasses and flash their perfectly aligned, bleached teeth. He didn’t fit in.

Again.

But he never did.

They looked up in unison when Sophie approached them, Eddy in tow.

“Hey, may I present to you…Eddy Chen”, she let go of his hand and pushed him on the sofa. Not expecting the strength in her shove, he lost his balance and fell backwards half into the lap of one of the guys and half onto the soft cushions. He immediately scrambled to pull his legs off the other man’s thigh.

“Sorry”, he muttered trying to get up again but being pulled back flush against the backrest by the guy he landed on.

“No worries, mate, we’re all a bit shitfaced.” He winked and slid his hand through his blond hair. “By the way, my name is Liam.” He extended the other hand towards Eddy, who took it automatically, overwhelmed by the sudden intense physical contact he was exposed to lodged in between Liam and Sophie who had taken seat on top of the armrest to his left, her legs flowing down smoothed against Eddy’s.

“Liam plays the French horn.”

“Hm.” Eddy awkwardly shifted deeper into the sofa to make some more room for his hips. What was he supposed to do with this information?

“Maybe we could play something together. You on the violin, Liam on the French horn and I on the flute. What do you think?” She rubbed his shoulder a little too intense to seem just friendly.

His face felt suddenly too hot.

“Listen, I don’t know what you are trying to do here but I’m really not…”

Liam interrupted Eddy by throwing his arm around his shoulders.

“Don’t worry, Eddy. We’re just messing with you.” He was obviously trying to calm him down but he thought that he saw Liam shoot Sophie a glance.

“So, how did you get the position as Yang’s assistant?” She asked him so out of the blue that Eddy struggled to understand her over the loud music.

“What?”

“How did you make it into Yang’s office?”

“I…” He hesitated, a bit confused by the sudden change of topic.

“You know we were just wondering because you haven’t even graduated yet.” Liam interjected, his arm suddenly weighing a ton around Eddy’s shoulders. He couldn’t escape the two pairs of questioning eyes to his sides and stuttered something about being very lucky. Even though there was nothing shady about how he got the job, he still felt as if he had somehow cheated his way into being the assistant of Professor Yang. Maybe because, well, like Liam hinted at, he was not at all qualified for the job.

“I-He offered it to me.” He managed to say without really believing his words.

“Really?” Neither did Sophie and Liam.

They looked at each other, seemingly drawing a mutual conclusion.

“And I thought only Hodgins takes bribes.” Liam snickered. “Congrats I guess.” He patted his left shoulder and Eddy twitched at the movement.

“What do you mean?” He asked sitting up a bit to avoid the far too warm muscles of Liam’s arm.

“Well, you know…no one gets anything for free here. Either your dad paid a hefty sum to get you in there or…” Eddy was ready to leave by now, they were clearly just here to put him down. However, before Eddy could get up, Liam continued smirking, “…or you were the one who blew him the best.”

The calmness with which he confronted him froze him in place. He shook his head barely noticeably. “I never-” He choked on his own spit and then, bit down on his cheek, unable to escape the irony of what he had been about to say. His face must be a crimson shade of red by now, he thought and brushed away some beads of sweat on his forehead.

“He offered it to me.” He assured them again, having regained some of his composure but suddenly feeling like he needed to explain himself.

“I really didn’t… I didn’t do that. He approached me and he asked me to apply and then he offered me the job and I didn’t do anything like that.” A stream of words gushed out of him, Eddy knew that the more he talked the less they would believe him and still, he couldn’t stop himself.

“I was as surprised as you are now. Okay? It was just luck.”

The handsome pair looked at each other and then Sophie winked at Liam.

“We believe you, Eddy. Could be that Yang’s actually decent. Who knows?”

Liam drew him back against the sofa. “Eddy. We weren’t insinuating that you aren’t suited for the job. I’m sure that you are performing just great.” Something in his smile made Eddy want to pull away if there had only not been Sophie’s leg keeping him in place. They eyed him for a bit.

“We were just testing the waters a little. Since you are in this position now, you have a certain kind of power, you know? You have access to papers, exams and such.”

He waited, unsure about what Sophie was trying to say. She looked over at Liam.

“Let’s just cut straight to the point, shall we?” His fingers dug into Eddy’s shoulder. “It probably hasn’t escaped you that we want you to do something for us.”

“Obviously not for free.” She added hooking her foot into the back of his knee which made Eddy cramp up a bit more into himself.

“I’m sure some evenings you work alone in that office of yours and you certainly have the opportunity to make a few copies of the upcoming exam. I mean, it wouldn’t hurt anyone, would it and we would be eternally grateful. If you know what I mean.” She had slipped off her ballerina and slid her foot between his legs, just when Liam leaned in and pressed an open-mouthed kiss against Eddy’s neck.

He jolted up abruptly and smashed his shoulder into Liam’s jaw in the process.

“What the hell!” He yelled and held his face but Eddy had already grabbed his backpack and stumbled outside in shock.

Only when he had left the building far behind, did he stop and try to go through what had happened.

“What the fuck?” He panted a little out of breath from his brisk flight.

And I was thinking that maybe I could make some friends at that party. They were just trying to use me. If I hadn’t walked away, they would have continued. Fuck. They would have…they wanted me to… What the fuck!

When he rubbed over his face to calm himself, he noticed that his hands were shaking. He couldn’t even judge them. He was no better. He was just as sleezy, just as despicable. Just like he had bought his passing grade a few hours ago, they tried to bribe him into handing out exams prematurely.

And maybe, if they hadn’t been surrounded by so many people, he would have let them. Because, fuck, wasn’t everything he did already a lie?

Everything he would accomplish from here on out, his final exams, his diploma, it would be built on a lie. On that passing grade, he had paid for with his body.

What was he afraid of now? Why didn’t he accept the bribe?

Walking towards his dorm he passed the university building where his office was located. Out of habit, he raised his head and caught the light streaming through the window behind his desk.

Shit. I must have forgotten to turn it off.

He groaned annoyed but had already changed his trajectory to the entrance of the big brick complex.

Chapter Text

“Oh…hi.” Eddy stopped at the door when he noticed Professor Yang sitting in his office chair a paper in his hands.

“Chen!” The smaller man called out and hastily pulled his feet off the desk as if caught doing something naughty.

He rubbed the back of his neck. “That’s me.”

“I didn’t expect you to be here at such a late hour.” The professor adjusted his glasses, fingers trembling ever so slightly.

That’s why you’re here, isn’t it? You didn’t want to run into me.

“Yeah, I saw the light and thought I had forgotten to turn it off before I left to go the party…”

“A party?” He took a glance at his wristwatch. “Early to leave.”

“Mhm, the people there…” He tensed at the thought of Liam’s grabby hand on his thigh. “…weren’t my cup of tea.”

He nodded awkwardly shifting in his seat as though he felt uncomfortable with Eddy in the room.

“At least you got something out of it.” He pointed at the bottle in Eddy’s hand, interrupting the deafening silence between them.

He turned completely red thinking about what he must look like with a half-empty bottle of whiskey in his hand.

“I didn’t…steal it. It’s mine. I brought it along and decided to take it home with me. Would have been a waste.” He shook the glass and made the liquid dance inside.

“Can I see?” The professor leaned forward; one hand stretched out towards Eddy. Any trace of discomfort substituted by genuine curiosity.

“It’s nothing special…”

“Well…Definitely. I assume you bought it for the alcohol and not the taste.” Professor Yang sneered and looked up from under his glasses as he scrutinised the label.

“Sort of…”

“Let me give you a taste of something far better.”

From a wooden box in the shelf next to his desk, he pulled a nearly full bottle of whiskey. The liquid shimmering temptingly.

“It’s a Balvenie. A Scotch Single Malt whiskey I got…I got for my birthday from Nick.” He cleared his throat. “I haven’t had a chance to drink it much. But I think tonight is probably the best excuse.” He smiled at Eddy, then poured a good serving in each glass and put the cork back into the bottle with a squeaking sound. The cheered quietly from a distance and Eddy took a sip of the golden-brown essence.

“Holy crap!”

“It’s good, isn’t it?” The older man chuckled.

“It’s amazing.” He sipped again basking in the flood of flavours rapturing his mouth.

“It better be. It’s probably older than you.” Eddy eyed the bottle and blushed.

It was.

25-year-old whiskey, aged, refined to perfection for a student far from both.

Eddy put down the glass on the little table next to the sofa and slumped back closing his eyes, the events of the day suddenly catching up with him.

“Rough day?” Professor Yang asked coming over to take the space next to him.

“I had a horrible day.”

“Hm.”

“To be honest, I had a horrible week.” He doubled down and sipped eyes closed on his glass, enjoying nothing more than the slight but pleasant burn of alcohol down his throat.

“Did you get the grading of your history paper?”

Eddy choked, catapulted back into the office.

“Yes.” He wheezed trying to gain back his composure. “I passed.”

“But that’s good.” Professor Yang cheered at him and Eddy raised his glass all the more feeling like a fraud, lying to his professor’s face.

Maybe he should come clean about one thing to take some of the load off his conscience.

“I’m graduating next semester.” He blurted out.

“Really?” Yang pulled one leg onto the sofa and sat on his foot.

“Hm. Just when I’ve grown fond of you.”

“What?”

He smiled cheekily: “I just said that I’ve grown quite fond of you.”

“S-sorry. I should have told you earlier.” Out of shame and embarrassment, Eddy interlaced his fingers and squeezed them hard.

“It’s okay. I should have asked.” They sipped their whiskey silently and Eddy thought that Professor Yang must regret giving him this job now that he knew he would leave in only half a year.

“Have you thought of doing a master’s degree?” The older man asked.

Of course, he had. But where would that money come from? He wouldn’t be able to support himself and his mother with what he was earning now. He needed a full-time job. Even though Professor Yang probably had a hunch that his financial situation was not great, he didn’t feel like doing into that right now, so he lied. Again.

“Ugh…not really.”

“Oh, so what are your plans after graduating?”

“I think I would like to play in an orchestra.”

It was something he had dreamed of since he was a child. To play in a big concert hall even just as part of the orchestra. To feel the vibrations of the music, the excitement of the audience, the anticipation of the conductor. To hear the soloist riding on his violin playing. To finish the piece and hear blissful silence and a moment later enthusiastic applause.

That was it. That’s what he wanted most.

“Really?” The professor interrupted his day dreaming harshly.

“Yes. Really.” He said crossing his arms, kind of annoyed about the fact the professor must think he were not good enough. He didn’t need yet another person putting him down. He had only heard him play once anyway.

“You might want to rethink it then.”

“What do you mean?”

“Whether you’re going to do a master’s. It is pretty standard in the industry to have one. I don’t think you will get very far without it.”

“Oh.” Well shit. Another dream down the drain. I guess I’ll go back to selling my soul to the fucking service industry. What a cliché. Graduate with an arts degree only to work as a waiter.

They both stayed quiet.

“You can keep your position as my assistant if you decide to continue. I might even get you a little boost because you’ve graduated.” Professor Yang must have noticed the worry on his face.

“You don’t have to do that.”

“No, I don’t. But I want to.” He reached out but then seemed to have decided against touching his arm.

“Thank you.” A more than pathetic sigh escaped him and made his professor chuckle.

“Don’t you worry if things take a little longer, Chen. There is no rush. You don’t have to have your life together at a certain age to be successful.”

“You have though. You must have become a professor at quite a young age.” Eddy interjected.

“Yeah, but that doesn’t mean it was the right thing for me to do.”

Eddy thought he noticed something pained in his look but it quickly disappeared behind an encouraging smile.

“Do you regret it?”

“No, but in retrospect I would have waited a bit longer to settle down. I think I would have liked to delve into something else first. Experiment a little.”

His eyes flickered up.

“We get lazy so quickly when we have found something we are good at, something we are comfortable with. We stay. We don’t evolve anymore and I suppose I feel a little stuck sometimes.”

They fell silent, both caught in their own world for a while.

Brett was slowly feeling the effects of the alcohol and suddenly felt ashamed of himself for becoming so sentimental. He should be a better role model for his assistant.

He seemed so young holding his glass with both hands as if he were scared of spilling some of the whiskey. He looks so fragile. So in need of guidance.

I’m a horrible mentor. I shouldn’t have avoided him this week. I shouldn’t have used him as my emotional support dog. My God, how can you think of your assistant as a dog. Get yourself together! I need to set this right.

He sat up to speak and reached out, touching his assistant for the first time since that hug.

“Chen, listen, I wanted to apologize for my behaviour. I was behaving childishly and I shouldn’t have avoided you like that. No-, first of all, I shouldn’t have hugged you so out of the blue. I-I shouldn’t have hugged you at all to be honest. It-it wasn’t appropriate.” He squeezed his arm and then let go suddenly, for having caught himself yet again making unnecessary physical contact.

“I’m sorry.”

His assistant stared right at him and Brett feared that he would leave without saying a word.

“You don’t have to be sorry.”

“Yes, I do.” Brett said determined not to let this go.

“No, not at all. Really.” Chen insisted shaking his head adamantly, making strands of black hair fly from side to side.

“It’s okay.”

“I shouldn’t have.” He rubbed over his eyebrows, unsure about how to make it clear to Chen that this would never happen again.

“You needed someone to hold you and I was there. And-” Brett watched him biting his lip to find the right words. “It felt right, you know.”

Brett’s eyebrows shot up in surprise. “You shouldn’t say that.”

“But- It did. I didn’t mind at all. Really.”

The smaller man relented blushing. “Thank you for not pulling away.”

For a moment, Brett found himself sinking deeper into Chen’s comforting brown eyes.

With every word the distance between them diminished millimetre by millimetre until they were so close that they felt each other’s breath on their skin.

“It felt really good, actually.” Chen batted his eyelashes at Brett, whose heart jumped nervously.

“I…”

Brett’s skin prickled from the tension he felt growing between them looking down at each other’s mouths.

Chen was the one tilting his head first, pushing forward, sliding his hand onto Brett’s bony knee. It burned like fire on his skin, his heart thundering in his chest as he felt plush lips pressed against his.

I can’t.

It was over before it even started when Brett dragged his head away as if he were trying to escape a sticky spiderweb.

“Chen.” He involuntarily licked his lips and fought in vain to swallow the unbearable clump of guilt in his throat.

“I’m sorry.” He closed his eyes not to meet his assistant's disappointed gaze. “I should go.”

Chapter Text

So that…happened?

Eddy thought crashing down on his bed, overwhelmed, slightly tipsy still, unsure whether he had dreamt the last part of this really quite sexually and emotionally confusing day.

I kissed my professor. He swallowed hard.

“I kissed my professor.” He repeated out loud, ruffling his own hair. “My professor.” Again, as if to make himself believe the impossible.

“My…I…I kissed Professor Yang.” And suddenly it hit him.

Oh fuck.

A soft sigh escaped his lips when he slowly let his front teeth scrape along his lower lip.

I really did that and…and he…he kissed back… at least for a moment; I think.

Right? He squirmed slightly at the tingle searing upwards through his thighs.

God! If he just hadn’t pulled away!

We could have…

I could have… He groaned in frustration, kicking at the sheets.

My God, his mouth tasted so sweet.

Eddy’s right hand trailed over his belly as images of parted lips were whirling through his mind, fanning on the fire.

His tongue had been so close to licking into Professor Yang’s delicious mouth when the older man stopped him. Pushed him away, softly with those elegant hands.

Why did he stop?

Why did he have to break away?

The memory of his pink silky lips drove him insane.

Fuck, what he’d give to do it again.

He fingered a circle above the growing heat between his legs before suddenly opening his belt and his fly and shuffling down his pants.

I need to…I got to…fuck.

Eddy found himself panting, naked below the waist, one hand around his half-hard cock, just holding it, staring at the ceiling, wondering.

What if he hadn’t pulled away?

What if…a flush of blood to his groin stole his breath.

What if…God. He stroked himself, once, twice, fingers pressing into the underside.

What if... He squeezed his eyes shut, maybe he could imagine going further.

What if I had placed my hand higher, not on his knee. But maybe, straight up on his hip.

Fuck.

And the thought of it made his cock twitch eagerly.

What if I had moved my hand over the rough fabric of his pants?

Over the zipper.

“Mhm.” He was stroking quicker than before, an urgency to his movements that seemed visceral.

By the time his racing mind could picture what would spring from Professor Yang’s trousers, his dick was dripping precum over his hand.

Why did I let him stop me?

He wanted it.

He groaned. Fuck. I’m sure he wanted it as much as I did.

I’ve seen him look at me.

Impatiently pumping his dribbling cock, Eddy shoved his other hand under his damp shirt to rub over the sensitive skin desperately looking for some kind of stimulus to compliment the searing heat coursing through his groin.

I’ve seen him look at me with those dark brown eyes.

He gasped at his calloused fingertips colliding with a perky nipple and choked out a moan when his fired-up imagination had Professor Yang’s delicate fingers tweak the dark flesh.

And suddenly, it was not enough.

I have to…

Eddy sat up breath quick and erratic, beads of sweat on his forehead.

With the urgence of someone dying of dehydration, he grabbed the lotion from the nightstand, squeezing a dollop into his palm, drawing his breath in sharp when his dick accidentally collided with the rough bed spread as he leaned over.

I need more.

Moving on instinct, Eddy kneeled on his mattress facing the wall, cock red and throbbing, aching for touch.

He draped his underarm against the cool flat surface, forehead resting against the damp fabric of his shirt.

His right hand was balled into a fist, lotion held in the middle, slowly warming up to the temperature of his boiling body.

A little drop of white was peaking out from under his pinkie.

What if…I could…he would never though…he would never let me…

Eddy jolted at the electric shock of having the tip of his cock meet the wet cave of his hand.

But what if…I need to…

He panted barely holding himself up, slowly millimetre by millimetre letting his tip push through the tight ring he was forming with his fingers.

“Aa-ah.” Eddy let out the lewdest moan, just from thinking of what the hot wetness of his fist could be.

“Holy shit.” His nose brushing against the wall, he tried to catch his breath, wanting to draw it out a little bit longer.

It was too good not to.

What if I could…

He gave a hard thrust. “Aghh.”

“Fuck.” I can’t hold it.

He couldn’t help but move quicker, his cock throbbing, tip leaking. Face flushed and wet with sweat, he bit down hard on his lip, and shed all self-restraint.

Maybe he’d moan my name?

The stuffy air of his small room was filled with desperate little noises as he thought of what it might feel to have Professor Yang’s small body writhe with pleasure under his hands.

I’m gonna…fuck, I’m gonna…

The fapping noise of his movements egged him on while he fucked roughly into the velvety heat of his fist until his thighs started to tremble and his balls tightened.

Eddy came explosively, all at once, tensing, arching his back, spurting ropes of white over his hand and the wall as he cried out at the sudden intense relief of his orgasm.

That was…

Every part of his body suddenly going limb, he slumped backwards onto his messed-up sheets.

Holy fuck.

That was… he chuckled to himself briefly followed by an exhausted sigh.

Chapter Text

She was already asleep when he got home. The bedroom door closed; he knew where to sleep. But the whole night he couldn’t get any shut-eye, head spinning, pictures of his assistant’s face intruding on the blackness of the living room.

I should not have done that.

It is one thing to cheat on your wife. It is a completely different thing to cheat on your wife with your significantly younger assistant. With your student.

What was I thinking?

Why did I let him kiss me?

He rubbed over his forehead.

Fuck, Brett, you know exactly why you let it happen.

His fingertips traced his own lips.

They were so soft.

Deep down you fucking wish you hadn’t pulled away.

Pathetic.

He turned to his side, head resting uncomfortably on the armrest of the sofa.

What do I do? I cannot let this go anywhere. I-I-I have to tell someone.

If I keep it secret, it will keep going.

If I tell someone, I will have to stop.

And there is only one person I can tell.

“Nick.” he whispered closing the door behind him to the copy room.

“Brett.” The big man said without looking up from the screen of the copy machine.

“Thought I wouldn’t see you again. You have been avoiding me like the plague it seems.” He pushed a button and the machine whirred. Their eyes met and Brett felt all of a sudden a little embarrassed.

“I had a lot of stuff to do.” Like kissing your assistant. He shook his head to chase away the thought.

“I have to talk to you.” Brett pressed, guilt drawing his throat shut.

“You only want to talk? How disappointing.” The machine started chucking out paper and Nick leaned against the shelf behind him.

“It’s about Chen.” He pushed up his glasses.

“Mhm. Go on.” whir

“Chen-, he-he…I don’t know how to say it.” It was too embarrassing. Too wrong.

Nick sighed annoyed. “Spit it out Brett.”

The small man shuffled his feet and shoved his hands into his pocket, his mouth dry.

Triggered by a sudden beep of the machine, the words spilled out.

“I let him- you know.”

“You let him…” The man encouraged waving one hand in the air as he went over and pushed another button. But Brett only clenched his jaw, hoping Nick would get it without having to admit to it with words.

Then suddenly his eyebrows shot up and he looked over intrigued. “Oh.”

He flashed his teeth and a lazy chuckle rocked his body. “He failed your paper as well?” whir

What? Didn’t Chen tell me he passed his history paper?

Nick just glossed over Brett’s suddenly confused expression and continued.

“Sly fuck went for the both of us…Did he suck you off too or did you-” He bit down on his lower lip and thrust his hips forward the same time. Laughing when he noticed the shock in Brett’s face. whir

the both of us…

“No.” Brett ruffled the hair at the back of his head trying to make sense of his words.

“No? What did you let him do then?” He put another piece of paper in the slot and pressed a button.

“We just…kissed." whir

“Ha! Brett. Didn’t think you’d become a romantic with age.”

the both of us…

Did Chen…?

Brett could feel his blood rising to his face. “W-Why did you say ‘he went for the both of us’?” whir

“Well, seems to me that he is making his rounds here at the office. Doing favours. I took advantage of that delicious opportunity when he came round to collect his miserable excuse of a paper.”

“B-But he told me he passed.” whir

“Heh. He did, after I made him gag on my cock.”

Brett flinched. “He…?” whir

“He did surprisingly well for the fact that he seemed so fucking nervous.” Nick snickered.

“God, in hindsight, I shouldn’t have been so lazy and taken him on my desk. Just imagine his thick legs wrapped around your hips.” He groaned and turned towards Brett, machine still whirring in the background.

“Thinking about it gets me all riled up.”

Chen paid Nick with a blowjob.

That kiss must have been nothing more than an attempt at doing the same with me. Nothing more at all.

An exchange.

A bribe.

The thought of it hurt more than he wanted to admit.

Nick’s fingers had already wrapped around Brett’s arm when the smaller man realised what was going on.

He pushed him towards the table next to the copy machine.

“Nick, stop.”

“Come on, Brett.”

“No.” Nick’s grip tightened around his arms. “Let me go.” He demanded and shoved at his chest.

“A quickie? For good old times’ sake.”

“It’s over between us.” He growled sinking his fingernails into his shoulders.

The big man sighed. It had gotten quiet in the room; the copy machine had stopped spitting out paper. He relented and lightly pinched Brett’s chin to make him look up.

“That little fucktoy must have swept you off your feet, huh?”

Maybe a dash of jealousy was swinging in is voice but it felt as if his icy-blue eyes saw right through him. As if Nick knew exactly that Brett was about to stumble into something that would ruin him. He turned away, when Brett could no longer hold his piercing gaze, and grabbed the pile of paper on the copy machine.

Before he left the little man alone in the small room, he turned and looked over his shoulder debating for just a moment what he was going to say.

“One piece of advice Brett, save yourself some dignity and don’t you read too much into that kiss. Chen knows how to get what he wants. He’s just a little slut. Who knows, who else he blew to get this far?”

He chuckled dirtily whilst leaving the room.

“What a little whore.”

Chapter Text

“Professor Yang!” Eddy waved at the small man as he turned the corner and hurried to catch up with him when he didn’t wait.

“Profes-”.

“If it’s about your essay Chen, I can’t tell you yet. I’ve had other things to do-” He interrupted his student dismissively still heading towards the office.

Eddy stopped for a second dumbfounded until he realised that he was being left behind and ran after him.

“No, it’s not about that. I wanted to-”

“I really don’t have time to talk to you right now.” Professor Yang glanced up at him apologetically.

“But I need to talk to you about-” Eddy tried again, getting increasingly frustrated with his superior.

“There’s nothing to talk about.” The tone of his voice was enough to make Eddy shut up for now.

Professor Yang sighed, shook his head and walked into the office, only to call for Eddy a moment later.

“Chen! You’ve got a visitor.”

A thin black-haired woman was leaning against his messy desk, her hands were casually resting on the edge, her ankles crossed over each other, totally at ease.

“Hi Eddy.” She smiled warmly.

“Hi. Uh-Sophie.” Eddy scratched the hair at the back of his head.

“I’m going to leave you two at it.”

“No, you don’t have to leave. I’m sure she doesn’t mind.” Eddy interjected but Professor Yang had already left the office as if fleeing a sinking ship.

After a moment of awkward silence, Eddy had finally composed himself enough to mask the annoyance he felt about her audacity to appear at his workplace after what happened at the party.

“What are you doing here?” He asked as friendly as possible, fearing that his professor was just outside the open door, dropping eaves.

“Eddy”, she pushed herself off the table and made a step towards him, her long blue dress flowing around her elegant figure.

“I wanted to apologise for what happened on Friday.”

He frowned.

“Really.” She smiled. “I’m sorry that Liam and I came on to you like that. We didn’t want to scare you off.”

“No harm done.” He answered quickly, and nodded to signal that she could leave now because Eddy didn’t care for her apology or her pretty smile, he just really needed to talk to his professor now. But the girl wasn’t done with him yet.

“Can we make it up to you somehow? We’d really like to invite you out to dinner or something, what do you think?” She reached back and twirled a strand of her ponytail between her fingers whilst seductively looking up from under her lashes.

Without paying attention to her attempt at flirting, Eddy walked around her and sat down in his office chair, “I’m not interested.” He refused her offer as he started to organise the papers on his desk.

“Eddy.” She twisted one of the rings on her long fingers, then came to stand right next to him.

“Maybe I have to be a bit more precise about what ‘dinner’ would entail.” Her big brown lustful eyes pierced into Eddy’s brain.

As she leaned down to speak into his ear, she put her hand on his shoulder and Eddy noticed out of the corner of his eye, a small figure standing in the doorway across the corridor but when he turned his head to look, it had vanished.

Before she could finish her breathy promises, Eddy pushed her away carefully but determinedly.

“I’m not interested Sophie. I need you to back off now. Don’t show up here ever again if you just want to bribe me. I’m not like that.”

“But-”

“No, no but. Leave. Just leave now.” He insisted and looked at her challengingly, ready to get up and show her out.

“Fine.” She sighed and threw her hands in the air. “Your loss. We’ll get what we want one way or another. We don’t need you.” She made an indignant sound with her tongue and grabbed the bag she had left on the sofa.

“Bye Sophie.”

Half-way to the door she turned around again.

“Your integrity will crumble sooner or later, Eddy. There’s no one at this university who doesn’t trade favours. We just haven’t figured out your price yet.”

“Good-bye.”

“Bye.” It sounded more like an insult than a greeting.

Eddy waited until the last of her blue dress had disappeared through the door to groan loudly and roll his eyes.

God, I really don’t need to see more of her… He rubbed his eyes a little tired when he suddenly realised what he had actually wanted to do before she showed up.

Now where did Professor Yang go?

Chapter Text

How could I have been so stupid? Thinking that he’s interested in me! Of course, he kissed me to pass my course. What other reason is there? I’m pushing forty, an old bag, a boring professor, a failed musician, a mediocre looking man at best.

What is there that would attract Chen to me?

Nothing.

Literally nothing.

He could never-

Brett shook his head and pushed the button to get another cup of coffee from the machine in his kitchen. He had decided to head home after seeing that beautiful girl leaning onto Chen’s shoulder.

No use staying at the office if you’re not able to concentrate.

Why did I think that he was genuinely interested?

He’s not even gay!

“Are you even listening to me?”

“Hm?” Brett jumped.

She made an indignant noise with her mouth. “Brett!”

“Sorry. I was thinking about something…”

“Yes, and I was talking to you about something.” She put both her hands on the table so that her palms faced upwards.

I wonder what lie Chen wanted to tell me in front of my office to keep me hooked.

“Can you please focus? This is important.” She snapped her fingers.

“Of course.” He grabbed his cup of coffee and sat down at the kitchen table.

“So, I’ve been thinking.” She pulled out a piece of paper from the neat stash next to her.

I’m just another file in his folder with conquests, aren’t I? Another professor seduced to give him an A.

“You know, we haven’t really talked about names yet.”

“Names?” Brett frowned. She could have been talking about tropical birds. “What do you mean?”

“Names.” She looked at him incredulously. “For the baby.” and stroked over her big bump.

“Oh, of course.” He smiled apologetically and sipped at his coffee. “Do you have one in mind?” He asked offhandedly to get her to resume her train of thought.

She shrugged. “Not one in particular. But I was thinking that I would like something traditional.”

“Traditional?” He raised his eyebrows.

“Yes, traditional. You know it’s in fashion again to name your kid after your great-grandmother, like Emma, Elisabeth, Rosa for a girl. And in our case, after your great-grandfather, something like Peter, or Arthur, Henry, maybe Bob-” She read from her sheet.

“Bob?” He interrupted appalled. Bob?

“It can be shortened to Bobby.” She tried to appease, her fingers crinkling the paper slightly.

“That’s even worse.” He countered waving his hand dismissively.

“Then you tell me.” Pissed off at his comment, she crossed her arms in front of her and Brett suddenly found himself wondering whether her breasts had always been this plump. He shook his head to chase away the thought.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to shut you down. Just pick something that doesn’t remind me of my grandfather.”

“But that’s the whole point! Weren’t you listening?” She looked thoroughly done with him now.

“Well, yes, but maybe not Bob. Something else.”

“Louis?”

He pulled a face.

“Otto?”

“Are you serious?”

“Douglas.”

“Nah.”

“Rich-?”

“NO!” Before she could finish, he shouted at the top of his voice, his lungs hurting from the sudden burst of air, his ears ringing in the aftermath.

“Woah.” She held up her hands. “No need to scream.”

He breathed in deep. “Sorry.” His heart was beating so fast as if he had been woken up from a nightmare.

“Didn’t think you’d feel so strongly about the name Richard.”

“It’s nothing.”

“Really?” She obviously didn’t believe him. “I feel like there’s something you aren’t telling me.” She smiled warmly and tried to reach for his hand, but he pulled away.

“He’s nobody. Rick-” He suddenly felt beads of sweat collect on his brow.

I can’t.

“He was my bully in high school, okay? There’s no need to go over this.” It was just a white lie.

“You’ve never told me about this.” She rested her hands on her big baby bump.

“I’ll do it someday. I don’t want to talk about it right now.” He finished his coffee and set down the cup a little too hard. “Just pick something.” He was fidgeting with the tablecloth.

“Now you don’t want to have a say?” There was an edge of disappointment in her voice which made Brett reach out to squeeze her hand.

“I’m sure you’ll pick something good. Just-not Richard.”

“Or Bob, or Louis, or Otto, or Douglas.” She sighed and got up awkwardly manoeuvring her broad middle around the edge of the table to take their coffee cups and put them into the sink.

“If we do this then you just lost your right to veto my desicion.” She turned around and Brett thought that he noticed a little smirk around the corners of her mouth.

“I’m completely sure that you’ll find something that’ll fit. I won’t say a word.” He agreed.

“Deal?” She held out her hand.

After a brief moment of hesitation, Brett took it and squeezed barely hard enough to call it a handshake.

“Deal.”

Chapter Text

“Are you going to take long?” Professor Hodgins peeked through the half open door to the copy room.

“I’ll be done in a minute.” whir

“Right. I’ll just wait here then.” The big man slid through the gap and seemingly busied himself with the contents of the storage shelf.

Eddy kept himself from looking up annoyed. He really had just wanted five minutes alone.

All his attempts to talk to Professor Yang about what happened had been shut down vehemently as if he was entirely uncomfortable being in the same room as Eddy. whir

Maybe he had read the situation wrong? Maybe the man wasn’t into him at all and now he was just trying to give Eddy an easy way out of an embarrassing conversation. He sighed.

“Why so gloomy, Chen?” Professor Hodgins had finished unboxing supplies and diverted his attention to the unfortunate assistant to the side of him. whir

“It’s nothing.” Eddy murmured and turned to pull out another piece of paper from his folder and put the copies from the machine into a yellow plastic case.

“Sure as hell doesn’t look like it’s nothing.” He could practically feel the man smirk.

God, why? Why does he have to be so fucking obnoxious?

“It’s none of your business.” He snapped quietly, fixing the screen of the copy machine with his gaze.

“Is it not?” Out of the corner of his eye, Eddy saw Hodgins come closer until they stood barely a foot apart. “If you don’t want to talk about it, then maybe I can cheer you up in another way.” The low rumbling vibrations of his voice seemed to set every atom in Eddy’s body into motion.

He looked up, hands clammy, suddenly feeling very very small.

“I-I have to get this done. I don’t have-” he swallowed, “I don’t have time.” His index finger, that had been resting on the green button, pushed down automatically and set the machine in motion. whir

“Shame.” He took a step backwards, only after briefly stroking Eddy’s upper arm with his fingers. whir

After a minute of pondering, he continued: “You did well, you know? You had me thinking all weekend about your big brown eyes and your drooling little mouth and now? Really no time?” He mockingly pointed at his wristwatch.

When Eddy kept silent, he grinned. “I guess that’s just part of the game, isn’t it?”

“What do you mean?”, he asked fidgeting with his copy card.

“I assume you’re pulling the same coy shit with Brett.” whir

“I’m not being coy. I’ve not…I’m not pulling anything with Professor Yang.” Eddy looked up surprised, wondering whether Hodgins knew about their kiss.

“You’re not fooling anyone Chen. I know, I was a student once. Shit needs to get done, one way or another.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your little business model.”

Eddy frowned. “Business model?”

“Don’t you remember? After our steamy rendez-vous, you got Brett all hot and bothered with your little kiss. Just a kiss. You really got away cheap with him. He was quite upset when I told him that he only got the short end of the stick.” He chuckled.

“I didn’t-, you-you told him about…” Eddy swallowed hard. whir

“Word travels, boy. You didn’t expect me to keep my mouth shut if you open yours so willingly, did you?”

Eddy just did the fish, unable to think of a reply. whir

“Yeah, just like that.” He snickered. “You sure that you don’t want to put it to good use when it’s already open?”

“I-I have to go.” Eddy mumbled embarrassed and squeezed past the big man, leaving all his papers behind.

Once out of the stuffy copy room, Eddy couldn’t bring himself to go back to their office just now but escaped to the men’s room to collect himself.

Professor Yang must think I’m a fucking slut! A whore. Selling myself for grades.

Fuck!

I sunk as low as can be.

I blew this old twat to get a pass.

Next thing, I’m handing out copies of the upcoming exam.

You’re such a loser.

Why are you even trying to talk to him?

Just let it be.

Just let it fade away. Maybe you can save yourself some dignity if you do.

He turned on the tap, took of his glasses and splashed some cold water in his face until he was gasping for air.

But I can’t.

For a little while he watched the droplets run down his face in the mirror.

I just-

-want to do it again.

So bad.

He groaned out loud.

Fuck.

Every second.

Over and over again until our lips are indistinguishable, bloody red and swollen and our bodies have melted into one heap of hot passion.

I just need to know.

I need to know what’s going on.

Even if he shoots me down.

I have to know. I have to hear it from his own mouth that he doesn’t want me.

Chapter Text

One afternoon, Eddy bumped into his professor packing his things away hurriedly into his car parked outside the building. It was only 4pm, the man must have left the office early as not to meet his assistant.

Eddy sighed. His throat closed up watching the man brush his fringe out of his face absent-mindedly.

He wanted to be with him so badly that he could barely refrain from embracing his thin frame every time he caught a glimpse of him. But Professor Yang had shown no intention of reciprocating his feelings, he’d been absent, cold. Not a surprise really, if Eddy considered the fact that he must think he’s the office whore.

Fuck this, it wasn’t like that. It wasn’t like that at all and after days of being ignored, Eddy just couldn’t take it any longer.

He took a deep breath to gather the courage not to let himself be dismissed so easily and approached the small man.

“Professor Yang!” It was now or never.

“Oh, Chen. Hi. I was just about to leave…” He said and pulled the strap of his messenger bag over his head to chuck it into the passenger seat.

“I need to talk to you.” Eddy managed and took a step forward. Heart pumping furiously.

“About?” Yang answered offhandedly.

“Last week…” Now that he had the professor’s attention, he couldn’t find the right words and just awkwardly stared at his shoes.

“What about it?” The elder draped his hand over the top of the driver door, one foot already in and looked at him so impatiently that Eddy nearly shouted fearing that the man would jump into his seat and drive off if he didn’t hurry up.

“W-we kissed!”

“Chen”, Professor Yang scolded, ducking his head. “forget what happened and move on.” He looked over his shoulder at a few people walking by.

“No!” Eddy nearly stomped his feet at the frustration he felt searing through his body. “I want to talk about it and you will listen.”

Professor Yang raised his eyebrows in surprise at his assistant’s demand and sighed displeased, turning his head towards the steering wheel as if he were thinking about leaving. Eddy watched knuckles on the hand on top of the car door turn white.

“Fine.” He relented, more quickly than Eddy expected, probably to shut him up. “But I don’t want to talk about it out here.”

“Okay.” Eddy couldn’t help but smile and nod; he already had a plan.

“Come to my dorm. It’s just around the corner.” He blurted out more eagerly than he wanted.

“Your dorm?” Yang looked at him suspiciously.

“Yes. No one’s there at this time of day.” Eddy’s fingers tingled with hopeful anticipation as he watched his professor turn his head to look at something in his passenger seat. He exhaled, looked back at the boy frowning, then grabbed his bag and shut the car door to follow his giddy assistant.

Yes!

Chapter Text

Brett nervously trailed behind Chen, looking from left to right to make sure that no one saw them. He didn’t really have to, his assistant was right, no soul was in the building, except for them. Yet, his head was racing.

What am I doing? I shouldn’t be here. I should be driving home right now because this, all of this is such a bad idea. If someone saw me, how would I explain? My assistant, who doesn’t shy away from dropping to his knees, invited me to his bedroom. His BEDROOM. To talk. Sure. Yes. Of course. To talk. My God. Brett. Why are you such a pushover? He just wants to finish what he’s started. Get it over with. Pass the course. Use you for his own purposes and you go along with it. Why the fuck are you here?

He scratched his head annoyed with himself and then bumped into Chen who had stopped abruptly. They were standing in a narrow dimly lit corridor lined with doors that all had numbers painted on them.

“Could you give me a minute?” He was nervously fiddling with his key.

“Why?” He asked, ready to jump the ship.

Chen blushed. “I-I wanted- I have to clean up a little.” He turned the key. “Just wait here.”

“Don’t be silly.” What if someone sees me? “I can’t stand outside your door like a desperate suitor just for you to clean up your mess. If you want to talk to me, then talk to me. I don’t care about the state of your room.”

“I-I didn’t- you’re not a-.” he stuttered as Brett pushed past him into the neat room and immediately wondered what Chen had wanted to tidy up.

The bed was made, the desk was a bit cluttered but nothing out of the ordinary and a few pieces of probably worn but not yet dirty clothing were thrown over a chair. He turned to his assistant; a questioning look on his face.

“Could you just turn around for one sec.” The young man asked pleadingly, face red and hands clasped together.

“Sure.” Brett gave in and faced the bedroom door that to his amusement had a mirror fixed to it.

What could he possibly-

He watched Chen’s reflection scurry to his bedside table and chuck a toilet paper roll and a bottle of something under his bed. Brett couldn’t help but chuckle at the irony but before his assistant could catch him staring, he closed his eyes.

“Okay.” He heard him pant, a little out of breath from his quick stunt.

Time to get this over with. Quick and easy.

The older man turned around.

Better get straight to the point.

“Now, what exactly are you hoping to achieve by luring me into your room?” Brett watched the other intently, ready to shut down any offer, any attempt at a bargain, a deal, anything.

He got nothing but denial.

“-I’m not-” Chen opened his mouth, a desperate look on his face.

“Stop”, Brett interrupted. “I really didn’t take offense. You shouldn’t have kissed me but what happened, happened.” He swallowed watching the trembling of his lips. “However, please, Chen, I cannot work with you if you don’t stop playing games with me.”

“What games?” He quickly interjected.

“Don’t play dumb.” Sharpness ringing in his voice, Brett made a step towards the door.

“I didn’t-.”

“I won’t give you a better grade.” He sighed; he had hoped to get some honesty from his assistant. Instead, he got this pathetic performance.

“I wasn’t…” Chen pushed his hair back in confusion.

“I must admit, you were very convincing but I’m not like Hodgins.”

“I wasn’t trying to-”

“Just stop! Chen! Of course, you were. Nick told me all about your oral skills.” He groaned frustrated, adjusted his bag, ready to leave. But one little jealous voice kept him from pushing down on the doorhandle. “Why?” His voice sounded a bit wobbly.

“Why would you do that?” He turned away from the door, to take a step towards his assistant who seemed to get smaller by the minute.

Chen shrugged helplessly which only fanned the flames.

“Why didn’t you ask me for help?” He was unable to meet the gaze that was fixed on awkwardly shifting shoes.

“Why? Chen! Look at me!” He insisted without success.

“…”

“Do you like Professor Hodgins?” He caught himself shouting into the void.

Finally, the young man jolted up.

“No!” He shook his head scrunching up his nose. “No! I don’t!”

“Why then?”

“…”

The squeak of the handle echoed between them as Brett pushed down.

“Please. Wait.” A hand pleadingly rose but fell hopelessly. “You have to understand. I can’t go on for another semester. I have to graduate.” He looked up, and Brett felt even more frustrated than before. He couldn’t help but tsk at him. “But what’s the rush?”

“…”

“Why do you have to graduate?”

“Please, don’t.”

“Chen, tell me or-” He let his gaze wander over the younger man’s flushed cheeks. He seemed embarrassed.

“I really don’t have time for this.”

He ruffled his hair. “I better get going.” He finally opened the door but only managed to move it an inch when Chen launched forward and grabbed his shoulders. For an instant their noses were so close, Brett could swear he could feel his breath bending the soft hairs on his cheek.

“I’m broke.” He panted, let go, and started to pace up and down in front of him. “I can’t afford another semester. I can’t afford another half a year of expenses that I can barely cover with my meagre salary. Even if you gave me a raise. I couldn’t afford a master’s degree. I have to graduate. I-I have to.”

Brett watched Chen intently as he delivered his little pity speech, all the more sure that the motivation behind his actions was purely transactional.

“So, you kissed me to make sure you pass my course as well?” It was just out of desperation.

“No! I didn’t do it because of that.”

“Listen. Stop trying to make me believe something that isn’t true. You passed. Your essay was good. You don’t have to pretend.”

“I’m not pretending.”

“Chen, come on. Stop. This conversation is over.”

“It is different with you.”

“You’re embarrassing yourself.”

“I swear, Professor Yang. I swear.” Brett watched him swallow hard before he continued his confession. “I-I like you. I kissed you because I like you. I didn’t do it to get a better grade. I swear. Please.” He wrapped his hand around Brett’s biceps just like he had done so many times. “You have to believe me.”

And how easily Brett could have fallen for those brown puppy eyes were it not for the vivid picture of a pretty woman resting her long fingers on his shoulder.

“And Sophie?” He bit back

“Who?”

“That girl who came round to your office. You seemed close…”

“No-she’s-she’s no one. She just wants me to help her pass your lecture.”

“I don’t think that’s true. The way she looked at you…” Brett averted his eyes.

“No, no, no. I’m serious. I’m not interested in her. Not even remotely.”

“All I want-” Chen squeezed his arm and Brett looked up into warm eyes. “All I want is - you.” He exhaled longingly.

Brett couldn’t help but laugh sheepishly. “You can’t be serious.”

“I am.”

“But I’m your teacher.”

Chen smiled cheekily as though that was the whole point.

“I don’t think this is a good idea.” He shrugged off Chen’s hands that had been loosely hanging onto his upper arms.

“Why?”

“Because I’m…I’m m-.” He hesitated, then decided otherwise. “It’s just not a good idea. I’m your professor! We should keep things strictly professional.”

“But-.”

“No. Listen. You listen to me now. We should- we should stop this before it goes anywhere.” He heard himself say and suddenly couldn’t help but lick his lips.

Both men stared at each other for a moment as if they were calculating the other’s next move.

“Where do you think this could go?” Chen finally broke the silence with his deliciously smooth voice.

He swallowed; he knew that he would have to leave now if he wanted to have any chance at keeping a little bit of respect for himself. But his lips seemed to have a mind of their own, forming words from the depths of pooling desire in his abdomen.

“We would end up sleep-.” Chen’s fingers had found their way back to his arm and were now slowly trailing downwards along the hem of his sleeve. “Sleeping with each other.” He finished his sentence, barely a whisper, when Chen’s thumb met the back of his hand.

“I don’t think that would be such a bad thing.” The younger man tempted, languidly circling his digit over Brett’s skin.

Chapter Text

Big hands led him away from the door.

Warm and firm and with so much confidence that it took just a moment, and Brett was lost.

He didn’t understand why he hadn’t told him that he was married. It would have probably made Chen leave him alone but…was that what he wanted?

Did he want to be left alone?

His bag landed on the floor with a thud that seemed to ring in his ears much louder than it was. Watching the younger man scrutinize his face painstakingly slowly, the drumming became deafening and Brett realized that it was his eager heart beating with teenage-like excitement.

“Please. Stay.” Chen whispered gazing into his eyes and leaned in for a longing kiss, sliding his arms around Brett’s waist.

And he forgot all about that question when a shudder rose up his spine as he was pulled closer and closer towards plush red lips.

“I-” But before he could say anything, Chen had already sealed his lips shut with a tender kiss that felt as if he had been yearning for it since that last abruptly terminated one in Brett’s office.

This time, however, when things gradually grew more passionate, neither of them pulled away. Instead, both men welcomed each other like the desert welcomes the rain, slow and gradual, steadily growing heavier and before he knew it, he was sighing into his assistant’s mouth.

“Chen.” He breathed, suddenly aware that he was balancing on his tippy-toes, arms tightly slung around his lover’s neck.

“I can’t stay long.” He said reluctantly separating himself from his delightfully soft lips.

All he got for an answer was two big hands squeezing his butt in earnest.

Brett gasped in surprise and as he caught Chen staring at him lustfully through half-lidded eyes, he could but drive his hips forward to meet his.

A quick push and pull, a back and forth and Brett suddenly found himself lying on Chen’s single bed underneath his heaving body, his hot breath against his face.

Legs intertwined; he could feel the burning heat of Chen’s hardness urging against his thigh and damned himself for wearing jeans today when Chen’s leg came to lay heavy on the hard seam.

“Professor Yang.” Chen groaned passionately kissing Brett’s sideburns, sending an electric shock all the way down to his groin.

The dull pain didn’t keep Brett from briefly closing his eyes to bathe in the feeling of being completely wrapped up and entangled with this handsome, young man who was for some incomprehensible reason so painfully horny for him.

When he opened his eyes again, he could see Chen’s pupils dilate as their gazes met and was taken off guard by an unexpectantly hard thrust from the man on top.

“Fuck.” Someone said, he couldn’t make out who through the passionate moans, vigorous pants and delighted sighs as Chen continued to grind his hips along his thigh, brushing his leg from time to time against his own keen bulge.

Their embrace felt like a violent explosion of sexual desire.

It was hot, it was rough, it was tight.

Brett was breathing hard, losing his mind to the rushed movements of his assistant on top of him.

He was thrusting his hips against Brett with such insatiable appetite that he could but dig his nails into his back and make a fist in his black hair, listening to him moaning his name into the dip of his neck until it was but a jumble of letters.

Suddenly, for an instant, Chen pressed him hard against his chest and uttered a visceral groan into his ear that Brett wished he could listen to over and over again later, when he'd be alone.

After a short while of holding him tight, his assistant loosened himself from him, his cheeks flushed and shiny, he seemed as if he had just woken up from a particularly hot wet dream.

“Uh…I…”

He sat up, a drop of sweat running down his temple and looked down at Brett, whose pants were still straining.

“Do you want me to-”.

“Hm? No, it’s fine.” Brett sat up and Chen jumped off the bed. He shuffled around the room aimlessly, scratching his head, seemingly embarrassed, as Brett tried to flatten his shirt and combed through his hair with his hands.

“I don’t know what to say.” He finally managed.

Brett just shook his head and got up. “You don’t have to say anything.”

He picked up his bag.

“See you tomorrow.”

He pulled the strap over his head and positioned the bag in front of his groin, making sure not to raise suspicion on the walk to his car.

Brett turned off the engine and sat for a minute trying to calm himself down. He had hoped that the boring drive home would take care of the problem between his legs. But now that he was sitting in his garage staring at the tent in his jeans he was thinking of a more hands-on approach.

Literally.

I could just do it in here.

He looked over at the door leading straight to the kitchen.

Shit.

I can’t.

He sighed defeated.

He knew that she was already waiting for him.

So, he quickly tidied himself up in the rear-view mirror and, with a bit of uncomfortable manoeuvring, tucked himself away under his belt.

He grabbed the box he had left on the passenger seat when he had followed Chen to the dorm. He lifted the lid a bit to have a look at the blue fabric.

It was soft and velvety and she would be delighted, stating that it was the cutest thing she'd ever seen.

Looking at it like this, it seemed as if it were a little beast with bright blue fur, soon to become the companion of a little prince.

Chapter Text

Eddy let himself fall against his dorm door exhausted, and it shut far too loudly.

The noise made him squeeze his eyes shut waiting for someone to yell but there was no reply.

No one’s there.

He’s alone again.

It was still early in the day.

People were out and about.

His gaze wandered through his bedroom and caught on his sheets lying on the floor.

And all of a sudden, it sunk in.

Holy shit! What have you done?

He pushed himself off the door and paced over to the window.

How could you let yourself let go like that?

The air that streamed in was too hot but he couldn’t keep it closed.

What the hell is wrong with you?

You humped your professor. Like a bitch in heat.

He buried his face in his hands and sat down on his desk chair only to jump up a moment later. Fucking hell.

“Oh my God!” He groaned.

He must think you’re a savage. An animal! Who does that? Who the fuck humps someone else’s leg and comes in their fucking pants?

And you couldn't have been any more awkward after. "Do you want me to-?"

You’re such an idiot!

Of course, he didn't want you to touch him after you violated his fucking thigh like that.

He paced around the room, waving his hands in the air as if chase away the memory.

I should have-. I should have invited him for dinner or something. Like have I lost all manners? I practically assaulted the man. Fuck. Fuck!

How can I ever face him again?

How do I face him tomorrow?

Does he even want to see me in the office? Do I show up? Do I talk to him like normal?

I can't.

I don't want to!

I don’t want to go back to normal!

I like him. He slid his hand through his hair.

I really like him.

And for a moment, Eddy closed his eyes and felt painfully stupid. And dumb. And helpless.

And just like someone who was falling.

I need to do something. Anything!

I need to make him realize!

How can I make him realize that I want more? That this was not at all where I want to stop.

I have to make this up to him somehow.

All right.

This is it.

You shouldn’t have let him do this.

It was a bad idea from the start.

He’s so young.

He doesn’t know what’s right for him.

Brett picked up a pen and put it in one of the inside pockets of his messenger bag.

When he looked at you with his new-found post-nut clarity, he looked so embarrassed. Shaken to the core.

As if he had just understood what he had done. The mistake he had made.

As if he had realised that I was his professor and that all of this, if it went wrong, could ruin what he had worked for so long.

And who could fault him for that?

He was right.

It was a mistake. A weak moment.

Nothing more.

It was just a one-time thing. Nothing happened.

Better carry on as if that were the case. Better for everyone.

Stop thinking about it now.

Think of how happy she was about that cute little onesie you brought home. It was plushie and blue and had little ears on the hood. She loved it and you loved how she looked at you whilst holding the piece of clothing against her chest.

He sighed and scanned the kitchen table for the mail. His wife always sorted it into two stacks, the envelopes that were addressed to both of them were neatly opened with a knife and placed next to her laptop on the kitchen table so she could go through the bills. The letters for Brett were left unopened right in front of his seat. He’d ripped them open absent-mindedly earlier in the day when she was talking about buying a child-proof gate for the door. Because they would learn to walk so fast and who knew what could happen.

Crazy what could happen.

Brett snorted.

Crazy really.

As he opened a letter he had missed in the morning, his eyes caught on a yellowish envelope.

I should just focus on that.

That stupid request.

The head of department had asked him, like every year, to give a speech for this year’s graduates.

Maybe half an hour. Nothing big.

Nothing exciting.

He rolled his eyes. He’d turned down the offer year after year with some sort of excuse. No time, usually.

He had an assistant now though.

He had Chen.

He was no position to say no.

He really should get going.

He folded up the letter but when it didn’t want to slide back into the frayed envelope, he left it on the table to get the rest of his things.

Chapter Text

“Hey.” Eddy managed, his voice a little creaky. It was the next day, and Professor Yang had politely and maybe even mercifully ignored Eddy the whole morning, through their lunchbreak and after an awkward run in in front of the restroom, also the whole afternoon.

The entire time Eddy was thinking about how he could apologize for what he’d done, explain that he wanted more and most of all assure that he was not as selfish as Yang might think after yesterday’s pitiful performance.

When his professor didn’t look up, Eddy nervously swirled from side to side on his chair winding himself up like an old-fashioned toy and then jolted up all of a sudden, which made Professor Yang jump in surprise.

“Sorry.” Eddy mumbled and then slowly inched his way across the room, trying to find the right words as to not make this more embarrassing as it already was.

“Is there something you want to talk to me about?” Professor Yang asked a little annoyed and Eddy realized he’d been quietly leaning against Yang’s desk deep in thought.

“Sorry.” He said again and adjusted a rogue piece of paper on the desk.

“You’ve said that already.”

“I-sorry. Let me- I just-” He sighed exasperated and rubbed over his forehead with a hand that already felt clammy.

Professor Yang’s intense gaze caught him off-guard when he looked back up.

“I-I’m really- I’m really sorry about what h-happened yesterday. I don’t know- I don’t know what came over m-me.” He stuttered through his apology like a jackhammer, his face was glowing red from chin to hairline.

Professor Yang’s response hit him like a cold shower.

“It’s okay. It was a mistake and- let’s leave it at that.” He said dismissively and was about to turn back to work at his computer when Eddy stepped closer, not really sure whether he’d heard right.

“W-what?”

“Let’s not discuss this any further.” Yang said half-way over his shoulder.

“But-”

“Listen, Chen. It’s okay. We’ll forget about it and move on.” He had fully turned his back to him now.

“I-what? You- No, please-.”

“Let’s just forget about it. As if it never happened, okay?”

“But-but…”

“Chen.”

“No!” The loudness of his outburst not only shocked Eddy but also made Professor Yang face him, a pleading look on his face.

“Don’t make this more awkward than it has to be.”

“I’m not trying to make anything awkward. I’m trying to-.”

“Chen…” The professor interrupted him again but Eddy was done being silenced.

“Please!” He stepped around the desk and in a fit of desperation grabbed his hands, sending an immediate spark through his body and from the look on his professor’s face, he knew that he’d felt it too.

“Please.” He said a little quieter. “We kissed. No. We made out! And then I-well- I got a little carried away and I’m sorry that I did. I’m not like that usually. I’m sorry, please.” He waited for an answer that didn’t come.

“I can make it up to you. Please, let me make it up to you. Gimme another chance.”

Through all his pleading, Professor Yang just stared at him, black eyes unreadable, and Eddy took it as his queue to be bold, to go all in.

He let go of his hands and in one fluid motion sank down onto his knees.

“What are you doing?” Professor Yang asked breathlessly, rolling backwards on his chair just a bit before bumping into his desk.

“I’m going to make it up to you.”

“What-”

He scooted closer, even though looking confidently up at Yang, his hands were trembling as they reached out to his undo his belt.

“No. Stop.” Yang pushed against his shoulders.

But Eddy ignored the statement and started to fiddle with his belt buckle.

“Stop! Chen! My God. Stop.” Professor Yang grabbed Eddy’s hands and held them resolutely in his own, slightly bowing forward to look him in the eye.

“You don’t have to do this.”

“But I want to.” He insisted and tried to wriggle his fingers out of Professor Yang’s firm grip.

“No, Chen.” He squeezed them and suddenly let go to put his hands around Eddy’s face. “Stop.” He said softly. “You don’t have to make anything up to me.” Eddy felt his right thumb trace his cheekbone barely noticeably.

“I’m not Hodgins.” He added, which sent a cold shudder down Eddy’s spine.

“I didn’t-”

“Just, stop.” Professor Yang steadied himself with his elbows on his knees and pulled off his glasses to rub his eyes. Eddy sat back on his feet, still barely an armlength away and balled his fists in frustration.

What the fuck does Hodgins have to do with this?

Why doesn’t he just accept my apology and we can move on?

Did I offend him this much?

Maybe I shouldn’t have been so forward?

Maybe he has doubts?

But didn’t he feel it too?

Questions were running rampant in Eddy’s brain, doing laps only to collide with each other and splinter into even more little piercing uncertainties that clouded everything into a greyish mist. He only realised that Professor Yang had started to speak when the older man touched his shoulder.

“…that you might feel as if you want this but I saw how embarrassed you were after. You regretted what happened.”

When Eddy opened his mouth to interrupt, he continued swiftly. “And don’t you deny it now, Chen! I saw how red your face was when you realised that it was me in your bed and not someone-” He sighed. “someone else.”

Eddy was too stunned to speak, so his professor continued, his voice suddenly quiet and raw.

“You don’t have to make up for anything.” He shook his head smiling. “I was a fool. Thinking you knew what you were doing.” He brushed his fringe out of his face.

“I understood when you looked at me crimson red and wishing the ground would swallow you. And that’s okay. People change their mind all the time about who they like. You don’t have to feel guilty. You don’t have to pretend that you like me anymore. Professor and student. We’ve all had that fantasy at one point in our lives and it’s natural to feel different after it is fulfilled. And I’m not mad at you. I’m not going to fail you. You don’t have to-… blow me to continue working for me. It’s okay. Don’t worry Chen. I get it.”

Eddy blinked a few times trying to process what he was hearing.

What the fuck was he talking about?

The man couldn’t have been more wrong.

“No.” He simply said shaking his head a little.

“Chen.”

“No. You don’t get it.” He said more resolutely.

“Chen. I-”

“No! You’re wrong about everything.” He hated that he sounded so childish when he said it.

“Chen, please-.” He sighed and Eddy burst out angrily, fed up with not being heard.

“You are so wrong! Just listen to me!”

“Chen-” He tried again and sank back in his chair.

“And stop calling me that!” He shouted far too loudly.

“What?” Professor Yang’s eyebrows furrowed, taken aback.

“Chen! Stop calling me Chen! My-My name is Eddy. I’m Eddy!” He insisted. He had had enough. Chen here, Chen there. For fuck’s sake that was not what he wanted to be called by the man he was so desperate to kiss.

His nails were digging into his palms so much that it hurt. He breathed in and let go.

“Please, call me Eddy.” He said a bit more calmly, voice shaking.

When Professor Yang didn’t say anything, he looked up and his eyes caught on Yang’s open collar, and for a split second, he thought he saw a purple mark where there shouldn’t be one from the violin, barely peeking out.

He swallowed a threatening lump in his throat.

“Eddy?” Yang asked finally as if the word wasn’t part of his vocabulary.

The letters trickled out of his professor’s lips and ran through Eddy’s body like a warm onsen water.

“Yeah. Just Eddy.” He breathed and reached out to touch Professor Yang’s leg, the burn of his knee under his palm was more than enough encouragement to double down.

“You have to listen to me, please.”

Professor Yang nodded hesitantly but allowed Eddy’s hand to stay where it was.

He took a deep breath.

“I’m sorry what happened in my room but not the way you think. I’m not sorry about the fact that it happened. I’m sorry about how it happened. I didn’t want to rush it like that. I was just- really-” he was trying to find the right words that wouldn’t sound too cheesy. “excited.” Yang smiled a little and Eddy felt a sudden rush of bravery flow through his veins. “I humped you!”

He could already feel his face getting redder and redder. “And I mean, it-I don’t regret it but I regret how it went. I must have seemed so selfish! And I don’t want that you think that. I don’t want you to think that I am using you.”

Eddy loosened his gaze from the wooden floorboards. “That’s why I wanted to make it up to you. I want to make it up to you because I want you to want me- just as much as I want you.”

As he said it, he let his eyes slowly make their way up to his jaw, his cheekbones, his glasses to his inquisitive eyes that seemed to glimmer with a strange fire.

“I’ve never felt like this.” He couldn’t help but grin stupidly.

“You make my heart race every time you just look at me.”

A tint of blush appeared on Professor Yang’s cheeks and Eddy shifted and leaned forward between his thighs.

“Please, Professor Yang” he hesitated and his name nearly got stuck in his throat, “Brett-, please give me another chance to show you just how much I-I want this.”

His fingers slid up his legs and Eddy thought he saw a flicker of want dart across Professor Yang’s face when he softly squeezed the warm flesh under his hands.

Mere seconds later, hungry lips were pressed against his. He could barely catch his breath as the professor slid off his chair and lapped up the remains of Eddy’s passionate confession.

He wanted to soak up every second of Yang’s teeth pulling at his lower lip, his hands sliding between his shoulder blades and onto his lower back.

It felt like everything he ever wanted, every wish he’d ever had were granted in this very moment.

Chapter Text

Tip-tap-tip-tap-tipedy-tap-tip-tap-tip-tap-tipedy-tipedy-tip-tap

Eddy sighed frustrated.

Where is he?

He looked over to Professor Yang’s-Brett’s empty chair.

He should be finished with his lectures now. He should be back by now. Eddy twirled the pen in his hand that he had been tipedy-tapping on his desk.

bzzz-bzzz, bzz-bzzz

He dropped the pen when his phone started to dance over the surface of the desk. The display read: Mom <3

“Hey mom.”

“Hey sweetie. How are you doing? I haven’t heard from you since we reviewed that essay of yours. Did you pass?”

Eddy’s heart sank like a bag of stones. Tell your mom. Tell your mom you sucked off your music history teacher to pass his course. Tell her. Tell her how much of a fraud you are.

He swallowed hard.

“Sweetie?”

He took a deep breath and shook his head. What mattered in the end is that he passed, right? That’s the most important thing. He passed and he’d graduate. Exactly.

“It’s okay if you didn’t. Don’t worry, sweetheart.” She reassured him over the phone.

“No, mom. I passed. I passed both of the essays I talked about. I’m fine.” He said and suddenly felt nauseous. He was glad he didn’t have to look her in the face.

“But that’s great! I knew you would! I told you your essay was good. And with my help, there was no way you would fail.” She laughed. He could picture her smile to herself, pumping a fist into the air like she always did when she was happy for someone.

My god, what a piece of trash you are.

Fired up from their success she continued.

“I’m looking forward to you coming home soon! I already made some upgrades to your room. There’s a new bookshelf in there now with all of your music sheets. I found them when I cleared out the garage. I also found a poster on sale of that anime you like. What’s its name again. Kime no shiba? Kime no-”

“Kimetsu no Yaiba?”

“Yes, yes. That one. It’s still in the packaging. You can hang it up wherever you like.”

He sighed; he hadn’t watched that show in years.

“That’s great mom. Thank you.”

They remained silent for a moment. He suddenly felt the desire to go to his room and hide under his duvet.

“Sweetie, tell me about something fun! What have you been up to apart from writing essays? I’m a bit bored to be honest. There’s not much going on in town at the moment.”

He frowned. Not much he could tell her actually.

“I went to a party recently…” He tried.

“How was it? Did you meet some new friends? Did you meet someone you like? Tell me all about it!”

“Uhmm-”, he thought of Sophie and her minion- what was his name? Doesn’t really matter.

“Not really.”

“No?”

Then he thought of what happened after the party. Maybe if he phrased it right-

“Wait, yes. I did actually meet someone.”

“Really?”

“Mhm.”

“Aaand?”

“He’s a- He’s a violinist that is in the same course.”

“What does he look like?”

“Well, he’s-” Should he change it up so she wouldn’t recognize him? She would see him at his graduation. Would he have told her by then? Would they be a thing by then? Fuck. Shut up brain!

“He’s a bit shorter than me.”

“Is he Asian?”

“Mom!”

“Is he?”

He groaned. “Yes.”

“Oh good. You have a lot in common then.”

“Mom-”

“Oh, you know what I mean!”

He rolled his eyes.

“Do you like him?”

“Yeah. He’s great.” Eddy caught himself smiling.

“What’s his name?”

Fuck. Think quick!

“Uhhhh…Brad.” Wow. Brad? Creative.

“Brad, hm? Does he treat you well?”

“He does. He actually invited me to a concert a couple of weeks ago. You know that’s when I really started falling for-”

The office door opened abruptly. Professor Yang hurried in his laptop pressed against his chest with one arm, waving the other frantically. Eddy jumped up from his seat and nearly threw his phone across the room. Calling your mom at work. So much for good work ethic.

“Professor Yang! You’re back. Mom, sorry, my professor just came through the door and wants to talk to me. Gotta go.”

“Okay, sweetie. It was good talking to you. Let me hear from you soon.”

“Yeah. Bye.”

While he said that last word, Brett had already grabbed him by the collar.

“Chen! Who was that?” He looked terrified.

“My-my mom.” Eddy stuttered, taken aback by the firm grip that held him in place.

“What did you tell her?”

“Uh-I don’t know. Stuff.”

“You don’t know what you talked about?”

“I don’t understand what you want from me.” He raised his hands at either side of his professor.

“I heard you talk to her about me.”

“I said nothing bad! Only good things. Don’t worry about it.” Eddy smiled.

“Does she know I’m your professor?”

“I don’t think so. She only knows you’re Asian, that’s all she wanted to know anyways.”

He let go of his collar.

“I just told her I met somebody who’s nice and stuff.” Eddy watched as Professor Yang started to pace up and down in front of him.

“Shit. Shit. Shit.”

“What?”

“You can’t tell anyone about this!” He pointed at something between them. Then got back into his face. “I could lose my job!”

“I know.”

“No, apparently you don’t. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have told your mother!”

Eddy flinched.

“Listen to me now. No one can know about this. No one.”

Eddy stared into his professor’s wide eyes, his flared nostrils and felt a rush of heat sear through his body.

“Promise me that you won’t tell a soul!” The smaller man urged.

“Will you kiss me if I promise?”

“What?” Brett pulled back.

“Will you kiss me if I promise to keep it a secret?”

“This is serious.”

“I am serious.”

Brett shook his head in dismay and but gave him a quick peck nonetheless.

“That was not a proper kiss! I will not promise anything if you are this stingy.” Eddy protested and comically pouted his lips.

The older man groaned and rolled his eyes. “Eddy…”

He crossed his arms.

Brett sighed. “You want a proper kiss? You shall have a proper kiss.”

To Eddy’s surprise, he roughly pushed him backwards into his chair only to slide on top of his lap and come to a halt right before melting their lips together.

For a brief moment, Brett looked into Eddy’s eyes something unreadable lurking in the darkness of his pupils. When Eddy tilted his chin up, his professor took it as the cue to devour his assistant’s lips in a heated exchange of lustful sighs.

Until breathless and flushed he pulled away, his glasses a little crooked.

“Satisfied?” Brett wiped over shiny lips with the back of his hand.

Eddy glanced down between them at two telling tents poking at each other and smirked up at the elder. “No.”

Chapter Text

It had been a couple of days since Brett drilled it into Chen Eddy that he would have to keep quiet about their little fling.

And it seemed, to Brett’s relief, that he was keeping it low.

At least, when other people were around.

Whenever the two of them were alone, however, whether it was in the copy room, the restroom or in their office, the young man tried to come up with an excuse to be close to him, to touch him, to kiss him; kiss him so fucking passionately that Brett had to start keeping a change of pants in his desk drawer.

He couldn’t quite understand how enamoured his student was with him. He only knew that he had never felt as desirable, as wanted, as right now.

The insatiable looks his young student gave him from behind his desk, had Brett shift in his seat not from uneasiness but rather eager curiosity about the slow languid movements of his hand below his desk’s surface.

The only downside to this lustful atmosphere of longing and pining was that when Eddy was around, he could not get any work done, at all.

He was getting nowhere with his speech, nowhere with the essays he had to mark, nowhere with admin and lectures.

Like a teenager, he kept drifting off into steamy daydreams that made him so giddy that for the life of him he couldn’t focus; on anything. His head felt empty.

Just like right now.

He had been reading the same page of a student’s essay for the last ten minutes over and over without retaining any of the information.

He turned to look out of the big window to his left. His brain felt as if it were soft and cottony like the cloud passing by, stuffed full with one thought and one thought only.

His gaze followed the white pillow through the steel blue sky until it disappeared behind the silhouette of his assistant and he noticed that Chen was staring at something behind him.

He let his lazy gaze rest on his facial features for a moment, studying his high cheekbones, his perfect hair, his plump lips.

“Is it real?” Eddy dragged him out of his admiration.

“It’s a copy.” Brett admitted, blushing slightly. “I did bid for the original once at an auction but- well, you can imagine. I had to be content with looking at it a couple of times.” He laughed to himself, suddenly feeling even more embarrassed.

“Why did you choose Tchaikovsky?”

“His violin concerto was one of the first I played as a violinist and I fell in love with it after the first bar.” He looked up at the manuscript in the frame. “He has a way of phrasing, of producing tension in this piece that leaves you wanting, waiting, craving more with every page you turn.”

Eddy leaned forward in his seat: “Did you know that he had an affair with one of his servants?”

All of a sudden, Brett felt a strange restlessness creep up his spine and leave sizzling footprints in its wake but tried to not let it show.

“I do actually. I’ve read his letters. You should give them a try; you might enjoy reading them.” He brushed his fringe out of his face.

“I think I will.” Eddy smirked. “But right now, I know something better to do.” His assistant said salaciously.

They shared a glance that was so intense it should have set the room on fire.

Without looking away, Eddy emerged from behind his desk and prowled over to the leather sofa.

Brett was sure that he looked like a deer caught in headlights when the young man eagerly climbed on top of him. The warmth of his body settling over him like a heavy blanket.

For a brief moment, Eddy hesitated, supporting himself at either side of Brett’s face, watching him closely as the man below tried to make sense of what was happening to him.

Eddy was seated comfortably on top of Brett’s lap, staring down on his professor as if to gauge his reaction, when he suddenly and teasingly rolled his hips into him.

“Oh.” Brett gasped, a sudden rush of heat flushing his cheeks.

Which must have pleased the man on top because he smiled cheekily and let himself sink down until they could taste each other’s breath on their lips.

Agonising seconds crawled by, whilst both lost themselves inside the others eyes, until Brett involuntarily bit his lower lip too impatient for Eddy to do it.

“Brett.” The younger man whispered, his voice deep and syrupy. “Let me put that away.”

Brett blinked and realised that he was still clutching the now crumbly essay, he had been reading.

Even though he was tempted to touch the man leaning over him, he could but let go of the papers and watch as Eddy took the reins and moved further away to get between his legs.

He let his fingers like curious serpents slither between them and over his lower body, under the seam of his shirt and onto the growing tent in his trousers.

A soft “Ah.” escaped his throat as his breath hitched at the warm palm rubbing steadily.

He continued his ministrations until Brett was writhing uncomfortably underneath him and Eddy decided to show him some mercy.

Brett sighed with relief as the younger man pulled down his zipper. Fuck.

A big hand disappeared inside his boxers without much hesitation and Brett’s hips bucked on their own.

A hungry kiss diverted his attention away from what was happening in his pants, an invasive tongue rapturing his mouth.

When he was finally given the opportunity to gasp for air, Brett looked down and saw himself wrapped up tightly in his assistant’s palm.

“Eddy.” He said barely audibly, an insistent but terribly quiet voice itching in his ear that they shouldn’t be doing this.

“Eddy.” He swallowed hard, eyes still on the hand that was persistently moving up and down between his legs. The word meaning stop and go at the same time.

The young man grinned and rubbed him quicker as if to cause another lustful gasp.

Successfully.

“Fuck.” He moaned and surrendered to the confident touch of his lover, throwing his head back onto the sofa cushions.

Suddenly, the coolness of the office air grazed his naked groin and made Brett look up from his ecstasy.

Eddy was climbing off the sofa onto the floor in front of it.

Brett watched the boy settle down between his legs and lick his lips. Oh God.

“You don’t have to do this.” He said unconvincingly, betrayed not only by the shaking in his voice but also the sudden eager twitch of his erection.

“Why do you keep saying that?” Eddy smiled up his eyes full of lust. “I know I don’t have to. I want to.”

“I really want to.” He insisted and made Brett blush, gazing at his throbbing erection.

And before Brett could object anything else, Eddy took him down in one go, wanting him so badly that he seemed to want to taste every inch of him.

Oh fuck. He gasped and sank his fingers in his hair.

Through half-closed eyes, Eddy was watching him intently, never breaking eye contact as he moved his lips along the shaft.

“Eddy.” Brett pleaded breathlessly.

He couldn’t help but thrust into the suction of his hot wet mouth and moaned loudly when he hit the back of Eddy’s velvety throat. “I won’t last long.”

But his assistant didn’t seem to care.

He let Brett’s hard cock slip out of his lips and to his demise, dragged his tongue slowly from the base up along the underside to the tip, to flick it teasingly.

Brett could literally feel his pupils dilate.

“Eddy, I’m gonna come.” He warned, a tingling rising up his legs.

But the other just kept his tongue resting on the slit, poking, sliding.

“Eddy.” He groaned.

“I’m gonna…come.”

His thighs tensed as he pulled at Eddy’s hair to get him off.

But Eddy draped his mouth over his cock and swallowed him down whole.

“Eddy!” He groaned, jerked his hips, once, twice, then fell back against the couch, riding out his orgasm, his right hand still tightly clasped into his student’s brown hair.

This right here was hands down the best head he had ever gotten in his life.

Nothing compared to the shameless dedication of his assistant.

The way he had looked up at him as he came down his throat.

No wonder Nick let you pass. He chuckled to himself still surfing on a wave of dopamine.

“What?” Eddy frowned up at him and Brett cleared his throat, immediately coming to his senses.

“Oh, I-, I didn’t-, I didn’t want to say that out loud.” He quickly sat up and awkwardly tried to pull his clothes into place.

“But you did.” The young man said still sat between his legs, eyes narrow, lips red and swollen.

“I shouldn’t have.” He had given up with his clothes and leaned forward. “I’m sorry.” Is all he managed to say in his defence.

Awkward silence followed, in which Eddy turned his face away and then got up. He adjusted his glasses and then asked, looking down at Brett, who was still sat half-way undressed on the sofa.

“Are you still seeing Hodgins?”

“No.” He could say truthfully, feeling just a bit better about himself. Just a bit.

Eddy nodded, went over to his desk, picked up a couple of things to shove in his bag and looked at his phone.

“I better get going; I’ve got to be in a lecture at 3pm.”

“Sure.”

“See you tomorrow then.”

“Yeah.”

Eddy walked past the sofa and for a split second he seemed to hesitate, then he bent down anyway and pressed a quick peck on Brett’s right cheek.

Half-way out the door, his assistant stopped and said over his shoulder: “Just so you know, he did it in a tissue.”

“Hm?” Brett couldn’t quite follow his train of thought, busy scolding himself for his carelessness.

“Hodgins.” Eddy adjusted his bag.

“I didn’t- swallow. He came in his hankie.”

“Oh.”

“Bye now.”

“Bye.”

The office door fell shut with a quiet click and Brett sank back into the sofa with a sigh.

“Shit.”

Chapter Text

“Everything okay?”

“Hm?”

“You seem even more absent minded than usual.” She remarked toeing the line between sounding annoyed and concerned. The muscles in Brett’s shoulders tensed up.

“Sorry.” He took a sip of his lukewarm water keeping his eyes on his food.

She sighed.

“I was asking whether you are going to give that speech?”

“Speech?” He asked honestly, already buried in his own thoughts again, unaware of where this was coming from.

Instead, he wondered whether Eddy would give him the cold shoulder for what he had said. Whether Eddy was thinking about him just like he was thinking about his young lover right now sitting at the kitchen table with his wife.

“The speech for the graduates.” The reverberations of her voice pierced through his conscience, catapulting him back into the here and now.

He coughed, nearly choking on his food and swallowed breathlessly.

He had to stop himself from asking how she knew.

She must have noticed his astonishment: “I saw the letter on the kitchen table.” She pushed a pea around her plate and the noise of the fork against the plate made Brett itchy.

Shit. Shit. Shit. Fuck. Fuck!

His mind was racing through all the possible scenarios in all of which she somehow would see Eddy at his graduation. See him with Eddy. Or Eddy saw him with her. And then-

“I don’t think I will.” He said as calmly as possible, his blood rushing through his veins, thundering in his ears.

“Why?” She put her fork down, all her attention on him.

“No particular reason.” He rubbed his wedding ring. Then, adjusted his glasses, sneakily brushing away with trembling fingers a drop of perspiration that had begun to slowly run down his temple.

“But why n-”

“I don’t want to, okay?!” He burst out. “I don’t feel like investing so much time into something that will have no impact at all on anyone in the audience or on the graduates. They will all just be longing to finally get to their families and fill their stomachs with food and drink. No one cares about these speeches. And I don’t understand why you want me to waste my time like that.” He cut her short harshly, he put his cutlery together on his plate.

His heart was beating erratically, anxiously anticipating her response. There was none for a while.

When the haze of anxiety slowly lifted from his vision, he realised that she looked more hurt than he had expected her to be.

For a moment, they looked at each other and Brett thought that her eyes seemed to glisten a bit more than usual.

She slowly got up, putting her cutlery on her plate, carrying it to the sink and dumping the rest of her food into the garbage before rinsing the plate.

The sound of the dishwasher closing with a pang made Brett flinch.

“I just thought-” she swallowed, holding onto the work surface. “it could have been a great opportunity to announce that you are going to be a father soon.” Her voice was shaking as she said the last part.

Brett remained silent and finished his glass of water in one go as if to drown the misery that had suddenly gripped his innards and twisted them into a small intertwined knot.

“But never mind then.” She turned around and walked out of the kitchen without giving him a second glance.

Chapter Text

Lying flat like a flounder, every limb outstretched, Eddy was lying on the floor of his small room, avoiding a piece of furniture with every extremity by just a few millimetres.

Staring at the ceiling like that he realized that there were faint stains shimmering through the crumbling plaster.

He decided to close his eyes.

Of course, he was.

Of course, Eddy was thinking about Brett.

He wasn’t even that mad about what he had said. When he said it, right then, in the office, right after he had, probably, performed the best blowjob of his life, he had felt the faint prick of a needle in his chest.

But it had been gone quickly when he saw Brett’s apologetic face, sweat still glistening on his forehead, pants undone, lips red as blood.

He couldn’t be mad.

He shook his head and grinned to himself.

He couldn’t.

After all, he was the creator of his own reputation.

And thinking back this little comment did not overshadow the satisfaction he had felt with his skills when his professor had choked out moan after moan after moan until he blew his silky load right where it belonged.

Goddamn.

He pursed his lips.

Fuck, if it hadn’t been for that stupid comment, he would have had to rub one out before leaving the office.

Brett’s voice hit that spot just right.

He groaned frustrated stroking over the top of his trousers.

He smirked to himself.

In one way or another, he was sure that Brett felt like he had to make it up to him somehow and if it was up to Eddy, the only thing that would do was another one of those beautiful lewd symphonies of his.

Brett turned the steering wheel and pulled into the parking lot of the flower shop on Albert Street.

He didn’t buy flowers often but he knew when he had to.

A couple of pink roses would do, he was sure.

They meant that he was sorry. They mean that he didn’t mean what he had said. They meant that he was stressed and had lost his nerves.

They meant that he wanted her to feel better. He didn’t want her to hurt, to worry, to stress about him.

It was no good for her to worry so much about these things. When time came-, when graduation was over and Eddy had moved on, as he should, this would resolve itself.

Brett put the bunch of flowers on his passenger seat and drove to the university.

Eddy wouldn’t be in the office until later in the day so he could store the flowers in his office and avoid rush hour later in the afternoon by taking a detour around the city centre.

Everything planned out, he parked his car in his assigned spot.

The roses half-wrapped in a clear plastic wrap, he held them out in front of himself, smelling the fresh, sweet perfume of the tightly hugging petals.

He smiled to himself as he opened the door to his office-

and there he was.

Sitting at his desk, where he shouldn’t be.

He must have gotten the day wrong.

He looked up with his puppy dog eyes; surprise and excitement slowly bloomed on his face until they blossomed into a hopefulness that, even in his most cruel moment, Brett could not have crushed.

He chuckled in disbelief and resignation, the irony of this whole situation not escaping him.

“Here.” He opted for something that would leave his crumbling moral core a little more unscathed.

What was left of his own dignity prohibited him from saying: They’re for you.

He stepped towards Eddy’s desk, but before he could put the flowers into his assistant’s hands, the young man jumped up from his seat and flung his arms around him in an embrace that took Brett’s breath away so violently that he dropped the bunch.

They hit the ground with a thud that seemed final but did not reach Brett’s ears.

Eddy’s whispers, his lips, his tongue, his teeth, his soft eyes left no space for him to think of anything else.

And as Eddy opened Brett’s belt, a quiet voice told him that he could still buy flowers for his wife on his way home tonight.

Chapter Text

The flowers at home had gone in the bin when the bright blossoms had started to wilt.

He looked over at the bunch on his assistant’s desk.

Most of the roses hung their heads low, some had lost their petals, others had gone soggy but Eddy seemed determined to keep them on his desk until mould grew on them.

Even though they were a symbol of his shameless betrayal, the joy with which Eddy gazed at the crumbling flowers from time to time spread a warmth through his chest that Brett hadn’t experienced in a while. As if the tiny workers that shovelled coals into the furnace that was his heart, had returned from a long winter break and were more eager than ever to melt the layer of ice that had formed around it.

Brett tried to swallow but a clump in his throat made him tear up instead.

Pull yourself together.

He wiped over his eyes and cleared his throat, which made Eddy look up inquisitively.

“I’m packing up and going home for the day.” He said softly.

“Everything okay?” His young assistant had, unfortunately, the annoying gift of being able to read his face masterfully.

“Everything is fine.” He said quickly, whilst putting his things in his bag, and hoped that he could change the topic. “What are you working on?”

“Just reading a paper that we were assigned by Professor Hodgins.”

He sighed with relief. “What about?”

“Baroque music in post-war cinema.”

“Any good?”

“It is actually.”

Eddy put his pen down and Brett straightened his shirt. Neither knew really what to do next.

“Alright, I better get going.” Brett erupted and flung his messenger bag over his shoulder.

“Bye.” Eddy’s words seemed to hang in the air longingly.

“Yeah, bye.” Brett breathed in deeply and went outside, walking down the corridor.

He had yet to figure out how to deal with awkwardness of their goodbyes recently.

A handshake was too formal.

A hug? Too informal.

A kiss? Too intimate. Too committed.

And a simple goodbye. Just not eno-

“Bretty! Where are you going?” Nick shouted behind him. He wearing his long blue coat, his brown leather bag hanging off his shoulder. Brett’s eyes trailed over the seam of the coat he had sunk his nails into so many times.

“I was just about to head home.”

“Really? You’re not meeting Chen in the parking lot for a quickie in your car?”

“What?” Brett gasped looking left to right.

His deep laugh echoed off the walls as he caught up with Brett. One of the brown wooden buttons was missing from his coat. Brett suddenly felt a little nauseous.

“No one’s here.” His hand landed on his shoulder. “Didn’t think you’d be so flustered by my question. I’ve been meaning to ask you; Did anything come of you and Chen?”

Brett cleared his throat.

“No, no. I told him to keep things professional.”

“Professional, huh?” Brett stared at Nick’s worn dress shoes.

“If that’s the case, then how come he looks at you as if you gave him the best blow job of his life?”

Brett felt blood rush to his face.

“I-I didn’t-”

“I’m just messing with you, Bretty.” Nick smirked and squeezed his shoulder with one of his big bear paws. “No need to get your knickers in a twist.”

But Brett knew that look. He knew those eyes, that smirk so well as if it were his own and he knew that Nick was onto him.

“I really should get going now.” His right hand clasped tightly around the strap of his bag.

“I’ll walk with you.”

The light of the street lamps was streaming in through the tall windows in the corridor as they made their way to the exit to the parking lot.

“I saw the programme for the graduation.”

“Hmhm.” Brett nodded.

“Have you decided on a topic for your speech?”

“Not yet-”

“Well, if you need any help…I’m sure the next Pub crawl will clear your head. You haven’t been in a while.”

Brett remained silent.

“Or maybe we could have a bit of that ambrosia I gave you for your birthday. What do you think? We haven’t spoken in a while and I really think that-”

Nick’s fingers softly grazed the back of his hand and Brett’s stomach lurched.

“There’s no need for sentimentalities.” He barked and pulled his arm towards his chest, he made a couple more steps and when Nick didn’t follow, he couldn’t help but turn around to see a look on Nick’s face he had never seen before.

“You’re calling me sentimental now?” The bigger man chuckled to himself, the sound eerily out of place with the coldness in his eyes.

Brett had been scared of his colleague a couple of times, however, to his own embarrassment, the anticipation of punishment or roughness had always caused arousal. This time, there was only fear.

Then all of a sudden, Brett felt a lightning of pain rush through his upper arm where Nick had grabbed him like a vice.

“The fucking audacity.” He was but an inch away from his nose. “You have the fucking audacity to call me sentimental.” Brett whimpered, searing pain running up and down his arm.

When Nick noticed the tears that were welling up in Brett’s eyes, he let go of his arm in a way that pushed Brett backwards a couple of feet.

Never breaking eye contact, he raised his hand making Brett flinch, only to make a fist in his white shirt holding him in place.

“Sentimental. Fuck you, Brett. If I remember correctly, I was the one picking up your calls late at night, I was the one holding you in my arms when you had another of your fucking nightmares, I was the one to put that horribly-smelly ointment on your scratched-up chest when you had another fit. Do you fucking remember, Brett? Do you?”

Nick glared at him and then sighed exasperated letting go of his shirt and turning away.

Brett couldn’t meet his eyes.

“And I thought I’d give you some time to play happy family. Maybe a couple of months but you and me both knew that, sooner or later, you would come back to me because you can’t live without a cock up your ass but oh, was I a fool, wasn’t I? To believe that you would at least be faithful in your infidelity.” He scoffed.

“And one fine day, Mr Loverboy came along and you had nothing better to do than substitute your previous lover with an even more questionable subject. Fucking hell, Brett. How fucking delusional was I to think that you had some kind of moral integrity?”

“Get off your high horse Nick, you’re fucking everything that walks.” Brett called him out but bit his lip. To his surprise, he didn’t grab him again but laughed disdainfully.

“Hah! True, absolutely true. I do enjoy shagging anyone willing to participate. But here’s the difference between us, I am a bastard 24/7. I don’t pretend to be a perfect husband to my pregnant wife, who is sitting at home waiting for me to have dinner with her. I am exactly what I am. Who are you, Brett? Who the fuck are you?”

Brett swallowed, no answer, Nick shook his head disappointedly.

“Get your shit together, Brett. I know you think this is over but God be my witness, I am not letting this slide just like that.” He threatened and, with a twirl that made his coat fly, stormed off.

When he had vanished around the corner, Brett choked down the clump that had constricted his throat and quickly rubbed over his face as if to brush away the shame that he felt.

His hands were trembling when he glanced at his watch. Tuesday, 7:30pm. He checked his phone. No messages.

She isn’t expecting me. She goes to her mother’s place on Tuesdays. He thought mechanically.

He felt cold.

He looked back along the corridor. Everything was quiet. No sign of Eddy having left the office yet.

He knew that Nick was right.

Everything he had said was true.

But Brett couldn’t help thinking to himself that before he had met Eddy, he hadn’t been happy in a long time.

He’d been fine. Just fine. Sometimes a bit less.

But in the fleeting moments, he spent in Eddy’s arms, he felt lighter than usual.

Less vulnerable.

Less haunted.

He felt like someone less trapped in his own life.

Someone he could have been if his life had gone differently.

If he had spent his youth, without fear, without punishment and ridicule, without the abuse.

Like someone who knew what he wanted. Someone who knew who he was.

Someone who hadn’t married his wife to prove a point.

Someone who didn’t have a baby on the way.

Losing his balance, he stumbled backwards against the cold wall of the corridor, despair, anger and frustration were all whirling through his chest, constricting his lungs so much that he was fighting for air.

In an attempt to free himself, he dropped his bag on the ground and tried to unbutton his shirt but his fingers wouldn’t stop shaking. The buttons seemed to be covered in soap, slipping out of his fingers over and over, whilst he was panting shallowly.

He couldn’t breathe. Cold sweat was running down his spine.

Everything felt too tight, too narrow, the walls seemed to be closing in on him.

I. can’t. breathe. His heart was racing, pumping nothing through his veins.

I. can’t. breathe. He thought, scratching at his throat with no effect but leaving chaotic red marks along his ivory skin.

Brett blinked frantically and balled his fists in his collar, then swayed and suddenly dropped to the floor with a thud. He gasped over and over, his lungs not filling with air. His heart not beating like it should. His eyes betraying him, closing by themselves, draping everything in darkness.

The last thing he heard over the constant roar in his ears, were footsteps rushing over from where he believed was his office door.

Chapter Text

Brett’s eyes opened slowly. Everything was blurry. He couldn’t make out where he was. The perspective was so odd. He only saw white, blurry white.

He was lying somewhere cold. His back, legs and arms were cold. His head-

“Hghn.” He groaned as a lighting of pain zapped through his shoulder.

“Brett? Brett!” Someone said too loud.

He closed his eyes again and rubbed over his forehead with his hand. It was wet.

“Brett, can you hear me?”

He moved his head in a way that was supposed to indicate a nod but was probably more of a wobble.

“Good. That’s great! Great.” Someone touched his hand.

“Can you get up?”

Brett opened his eyes again and tried to make sense of the silhouette bending over him but couldn’t until it came closer.

“Eddy?” He whispered regaining his senses.

“Yes, yes. It’s Eddy.” He heard the silhouette laugh. “You fucking scared me.”

“I-I didn’t mean to.”

A hand brushed something out of his face.

“Can you get up?”

Brett moved all of his limbs one by one and winced when he felt himself be gently pulled up by the shoulders.

“Let’s get you to the office.”

Eddy draped one of his arms around his waist, half-carrying Brett into the corridor.

Something was lying on the floor there.

“I’m going to get you your bag and glasses right after I’ve sat you down on the sofa.”

“Okay.” He said meekly, weak knees bending underneath him.

The sofa was softer than he remembered. So soft in fact that he felt he would not be able to get up on his own anymore.

Eddy sat down next to him, never taking his eyes off him. Brett rubbed over his own with his shirt sleeve to get rid of the excess moisture.

He must have dragged me into the restroom to splash some water on my face.

“You didn’t call an ambulance, did you?”

“No.”

Brett nodded. He was fine now, kind of. Apart from the ache in his left knee and his left shoulder. He groaned stretching his injured leg.

“What happened out there?” Eddy caressed the top of his hand.

I had a panic attack. He wanted to say but didn’t.

“I haven’t eaten all day. I-” to his own surprise the lie rushed over his lips with ease. “My blood sugar must be a little low.”

Eddy was looking at him critically.

“That’s it?”

“Uh...yeah? I don’t-” At this moment he couldn’t come up with a better excuse, he coughed, his chest was still tight around the edges as if he’d been squeezed by a hydraulic press.

“Then let’s change that!” Eddy interrupted, ready to jump to action.

“Huh?” Brett moved his torso from side to side.

“I’ll order some food for you. Not a problem. We’ll have it here and you’ll feel better in no time. Any preferences?”

He raised his eyebrows in surprise but felt comforted by Eddy’s eagerness to help.

“Anything really. You pick.” He smiled and watched as Eddy quickly pulled out his phone and ordered something.

If he were honest with himself, he wasn’t really hungry. Rather a little nauseous. The general fogginess of his office didn’t help, if he just had his glasses.

“It will take them about 30 minutes to get here.” Eddy put his phone back in his pocket.

“Anything else I can do?”

“I-yeah-.” He smiled and pointed to his face.

But Eddy frowned, then grinned and kissed him softly, then eagerly, wantingly and left Brett no time to catch his breath to clarify. His glasses suddenly not that important anymore.

Until he tried to support himself on Brett’s bruised shoulder, which caused the passionate kiss to be broken by a cry of pain.

“I’m sorry.” Eddy was watching him with concern. “I forgot. Do you want me to get some painkillers? The pharmacy around the corner is open 24/7.”

“No, no. Stay.” Brett rubbed his shoulder and although it still hurt, couldn’t be mad at the apologetic brown puppy eyes.

“I have some in my desk. Top drawer on the... left?”

Eddy jumped up immediately and rummaged through his desk drawer.

He pressed one pill into Brett’s open hand.

“Another.” He said matter-of-factly. And his assistant complied, pushing out another, then storing the pills on the side table next to the sofa.

Brett gulped down two pills with a bit of water, passed the glass to Eddy and leaned back on the sofa, hoping that relief would come soon.

“Lie down.”

“What?” He opened his bleary eyes, not realising he had closed them at all.

“Lie down, you’ll feel better.”

Brett slid down to the side slowly, so as not to cause another piercing attack. Both feet dangling off the side. He breathed deeply and just wanted to sink further into the sofa until the warm leather had swallowed him up.

He didn’t notice when Eddy lifted his feet onto the cushions and pulled off his shoes.

For a while, everything was quiet and soon Brett was asleep.

It felt as if he was falling but not that quick sudden fall everyone experiences sometimes but a slow, gradual fall through very thick clouds.

Their soft white fingers caressing his face, leaving droplets of rain on his cheeks that cooled his skin pleasantly.

Their feathery touch tickling his neck and resting only briefly on his parted lips. He sighed relaxed, exhausted, pleased with the cottony castle around him.

Slowly breathing in, deep, inhaling nothing but the cool fresh air of the night.

He couldn’t have been asleep for long: “Food is here.” Eddy’s soft baritone awoke him.

Something wet kept him from opening his eyes.

“Wha-?”

“Wait.” Eddy’s steps came closer and his warm hands lifted the cool wet paper towel off his face.

Eddy pulled him up and pushed a plate of fried rice into his hands. Brett automatically reached for his glasses that Eddy must have put on the other side table. Neatly folded.

The first bite of rice solicited a warm hum from him. It was just the right thing to calm his nerves, savoury, umami, comforting goodness. He leaned back on the sofa, relishing not only the taste and but also the view.

Eddy was shovelling rice into his gob like there was no tomorrow. Suddenly, looking up, having noticed that Brett was watching him. His arm shot forward to cover his mouth, chopsticks still in hand.

“Sowwy.” He mumbled, mouth full but Brett only smiled, feeling relaxing warmth spread through his body ushering out cold tension.

They ate for a little bit in silence, looking up from time to time, catching each other, smiling, like lovers. Cause that’s what they were.

“Eddy.”

“Hm?” He tipped the plastic bowl to scrape the last grains of rice into his mouth.

“I like you too.”

The younger man stopped his excavations, peeking over the rim incredulously.

Brett could hear an audible gulp.

“I do. I’ve never said it, have I?”

“No, not really.”

“I thought I’d say it now.” Brett suddenly felt a little shy. “You’ve been nothing but kind to me. Nothing short of wonderful. And I think you deserve to know that...I like you...Eddy.”

He didn’t dare meet his eyes until he heard his office chair squeak.

Eddy walked over, took the bowl out of Brett’s complying hands to put it on the table and sat down next to him.

As if were the most natural thing, he sunk his fingers into Brett’s jet-black hair, lightly scratching his scalp.

“Come here.” His voice but a whisper, he didn’t really have to pull Brett over, who sank into his arms heavily, a welcoming kiss waiting for him.

When they opened their eyes, the moon had risen and his faint light was competing with the orange golden shimmer of the street lamps pouring in through the window.

“It’s gotten late.” Brett said, not really meaning to let go of the other.

“Yeah.” Eddy nodded, not moving away but rather going in for another taste. Just then Brett turned away to yawn loudly.

“Sorry.” He smiled apologetically. Eddy pushed a rogue strand of hair out of his face.

“We should probably call it quits.”

“Yeah.” Brett sat up and rubbed his eyes. “Have you seen my car keys?”

“I don’t think you should drive home.”

“I’m fine.” He said looking around the room for his bag.

“You fainted.”

Brett shrugged and got up from the sofa but was stopped by Eddy grabbing his arm.

“I’ll get you an Uber.”

“Eddy...”

“Shhh...” He shushed him jokingly, phone already in hand.

“Fine.” Brett relented, sighing fake annoyed, actually kind of enjoying the care of his over-protective lover.

“Your Uber is here in 5 minutes.” He smiled at him widely, only softness in his eyes. And Brett could but say: “Thank you.” Barely, capable of sustaining the loving gaze his assistant gave him. I don’t deserve this.

Eddy stood up and put his arms around Brett, pulling him close, a sudden urgency in his movements. I don’t deserve any of this.

“Promise me that we do this again.” He was looking at him half-hopefully, half-searchingly.

Brett’s heart soaked up the unconcealed affection spilling out of Eddy’s dark eyes and his heart drunkenly skipped a few beats as he said: “I promise.”

Chapter Text

“Good morning darling.” She put a big cup of coffee on the table where he usually sat.

“Morning.” He said quietly, and gave her a quick peck.

“Did you go out yesterday?” She asked, grabbing a jug of milk from the fridge.

“I had a couple of drinks, yes.”

“I can take you to work if you like.” She offered setting down the jug in front of him.

“Why?” He took a sip of his coffee.

“Your car, darling. It’s not in the driveway.”

“Oh...yeah. I forgot that I’d taken an Uber home.”

“I was going out to meet Lucille anyways in about two hours. I can drop you off on my way to her place.”

Brett rubbed his forehead; he could not risk her being on campus.

“It’s fine. Nick is going to pick me up later.” He lied nonchalantly.

“Sure, what time? Maybe he could come in and say hi.”

Brett frowned “I’ll have to call him, we didn’t specify.” She brushed a strand of hair behind Brett’s ear.

“Okay.”

He sipped his coffee, hoping she would just let it go. He wasn’t keen on Nick coming in, for obvious reasons.

“Where’s your wedding ring?” She commented offhandedly.

“Oh, hm. Must have left it on the edge of the sink when I washed my hands.” The lie rolled over his lips without him really thinking about it. Without hesitation. Without flinching.

“Isn’t someone going to take it?”

“I don’t think so. Maybe Nick saw it later, he was still in his office when I left. I’ll check with him when I call.”

“Let’s hope so.”

He didn’t have to ask anyone about the whereabouts of his wedding band. It was exactly where it always ended up.

In the coin compartment of his car.

There it would usually stay from the moment he got out of the car in the morning until he got in after work.

Yesterday, for the first time in years, he had forgotten to go to his car and take it with him.

“You better put it back on or someone else is going to snatch you from me.” She smiled and kissed him on the cheek.

Brett ignored the irony and continued sipping his coffee.

Even though last night had been absolutely wonderful, he knew that whatever he had with Eddy, was doomed.

Eddy would graduate in just a few weeks and there was no way they would be able to sustain this afterwards. After all, he would actually become a father right about then and would need all of his free time for the little guy.

And Eddy....he was unaware of everything. In for the long run, it seemed. And Brett was sure that his assistant’s moral compass was less fickle than Nick’s. There was no way that he would accept coming second. He didn’t deserve that in the first place.

He sighed, deep regret swelling in his chest. It would be a natural ending to their short affair.

Eddy would graduate and move to Sydney or wherever to pursue a career as a musician and they would see each other less and less, text less and less until finally it would be over. No one needed to get hurt.

It would be just another dream.

Nick picked up after the second ring but didn’t say anything.

“Nick?”

He heard someone grunt. “Hold on a minute.”

“Yes, Brett.” He sounded a mixture of annoyed and out of breath.

“Am I calling at an inopportune time?”

“What do you want?” He said irritated.

“Are you with someone?”

He heard a sigh.

“If you really want to know, Brett, yes, I am. This gorgeous undergraduate was just sucking me off and you interrupted our session.”

“Oh.” That was quick but unsurprising.

“Brett, what the fuck do you want? I don’t have all day.”

“I-” He should hang up but how would he get to the University if he did. She would insist on driving him. “I wanted to ask you whether you could pick me up when you go to work.”

There was a pause. He knew that Nick was already on to him.

“You don’t want Lil to drive you, huh?”

He didn’t have to say anything.

“I’ll be there in about an hour.”

He would be late.

“Can’t you come earlier?”

He heard Nick chuckle.

“No. I’m going to take my time with this one.”

“But-”

“Remember, I’m doing you a favour. You’ll be on time for your class and if not, you can just start teaching this kid in the car. He said he’s one of your students.”

“Don’t be late.”

“Sure.” Nick hung up.

Brett was on pins and needles, pacing in the hallway, unable to concentrate on anything else than the sound of his colleague arriving. He wouldn’t give him time to come in. He couldn’t.

I am not letting this slide just like that.

Brett was ready to jump out of his front door as soon as he heard Nick’s car pull up but he didn’t hear the loud grumble of his Maserati.

Just the doorbell.

“Hey, I didn’t hear your car.” he said whilst opening the door.

Nick ignored him and squeezed past, Brett’s wife waddling towards him from the living room.

“Beautiful Lilian.” Nick put on his most charming smile and took her hands in his.

“Don’t say that. I’s as round as a classroom globe.”

“Rubbish. You’re as gorgeous as ever.” He twirled her around and Brett heard her giggle like she hadn’t in ages.

“Oh! Feel that!” She called out all of a sudden and held his hand against her big belly. “He’s dancing with us.”

Brett watched as Nick rubbed over the smooth fabric of her blouse and smiled knowingly when he felt something. “There.”

Strangely enough, even though he had been and still was having an affair, he felt glowing hot jealously rise from his gut. He couldn’t remember when he had last touched her pregnancy bump and seeing Nick so naturally caress his future child, was unbearable.

“Let’s go Nick, we’ll be late otherwise.”

“Huh?” The tall man looked up from his hand.

Brett nodded towards the door, grinding his teeth.

“Oh, okay. Sure. Lil, it was a pleasure to see you again.” He squeezed her shoulder.

“We’ll invite you sometime soon before the baby arrives.”

“Looking forward to it.” He smiled and kissed her on the cheek.

Brett held open the door.

“Bye, darling.” She said, smiling happily, both hands on her bump.

“Bye.” Brett was already shutting the door.

“That was unnecessary.” He hissed.

“Was it?”

“You didn’t have to be so friendly.”

He scoffed.

“I was just being nice, Brett. Your wife is lovely. She’s kind and pretty and carrying a baby. I think she deserves some attention.”

“I don’t like you near her.”

“You’re suddenly jealous?”

“No.”

“Don’t worry, Brett. I have no intentions of bedding your wife. She’s lacking something essential.”

“And what is that?” He asked defensively.

“A cock, love.”

“You’ve been with women.”

“Not for the last twenty years.”

Brett looked over at his former lover. He was sure that Nick wouldn’t dare to hurt her but he just couldn’t stand the picture of him touching her that way.

“Where is your car?”

“Around the corner.”

Before Brett could ask: “I knew you would wait for me outside if you heard me.”

The car clicked when Nick pushed the button. But when Brett opened the passenger door, there was already someone sitting in his seat.

“Move to the back, Liam.”

The tall blonde man got out and squeezed into the seat behind Brett.

“You’re taking them home now?”

“Yes, in fact, I am free to do whatever I want. Unlike you, I don’t need a getaway driver after I’ve fucked a hot guy on my kitchen table.”

“Thanks.” Liam said cheerfully.

“Shut up.”

Nick started the car and the motor roared like a big grumpy cat.

They didn’t speak for the rest of the ride until they had arrived on campus and Nick had parked on his usual spot.

“Get out.” He said and turned off the car.

Brett moved.

“Not you.”

The boy in the back shuffled. “What about my final?”

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Nick glanced into the rearview mirror.

“I don’t have classes with you tomorrow.”

“I know. I’ll see you after, in my office. I’m not done with you yet.”

“But-”

“You want your pretty little girlfriend to pass, don’t you?”

“I guess.”

“Then, be there.”

The guy got out. “Bye Professor Yang.”

Brett waved, having no recollection of who he was.

“He’s handsome.”

“He’s a tool. He’s not even gay, he just does it for his girlfriend.” He sighed. “I don’t think I’ve ever been blown with less enthusiasm.”

They stayed quiet for a bit.

“I’m off now. Thank you for picking me up.” He was already moving to get out when...

“Brett-”

He had his hand on the door handle but stayed.

“You don’t deserve her.”

Brett sighed.

“My wife was never of any concern to you when we were sharing a bed. Save your preaching for someone else.”

“I stand by what I said.”

He opened the door. “You’re jealous because you’ve been replaced, Nick. That is all.”

He didn’t dare look back into Nick’s hard blue eyes, and got out of the car.

Chapter Text

Eddy rubbed his eyes and groaned: “I’m done.”

Brett looked over from his computer. “Done for today?”

“Yeah. I can’t get any more of this into my head.” He closed his laptop with his study notes. The last final exam was next week; he’d made quite a bit of progress but there was still enough to do, but that was for another day.

He needed a break. And if he thought about it, he knew exactly who he wanted to spend the next couple of hours with.

Brett had gone back to what he was doing and frowned when Eddy continued: “Do you want to go out with me?”

“Sorry?” He said, not looking at the other but still reading something on his screen.

Eddy sighed, not giving up so easily, and got up.

He planted his hands onto Brett’s desk and leaned forward, just watching for a moment; looking at the man he’d fallen for only a couple months ago and who made his heart swell with every quick glance of his dark brown eyes.

Nothing would keep Eddy from running his hands through Brett’s black hair tonight.

Nothing would keep him from smothering his handsome face with fluttering kisses.

Nothing, absolutely nothing, would keep him from hearing his professor say his name with longing, in warning, with ecstasy.

“I asked whether you would like to go out with me tonight? To a bar, maybe?”

“A bar?” His superior had finally decided to stop ignoring Eddy, his brown eyes unreadable behind his black glasses.

“Yeah, a bar. You know, the place where people meet to have a drink, chat and such?” He gestured at the last part.

Brett cleared his throat.

“Don’t you think you should divert your attention to your music history exam next week?”

Eddy rolled his eyes.

“Come on. Are you my mom?”

“Your mom? Not your father?” He chuckled.

“My dad is dead.” Eddy said blankly and then couldn’t hide a cheeky smile when he saw Brett’s face drop.

“Oh. I didn’t know. I’m sorry.”

“He’s been dead for ages now. But you could make it up to me by going out with me tonight.” He blinked a few times at his lover.

“Eddy.” Brett adjusted his glasses; there was something slightly melancholic weighing down on his voice, which made Eddy look away. “I am sorry.”

“I swear it’s fine.” He straightened himself. Tonight, was not the night to dwell on the past but rather to dive head first into the future. “Now, will you go out with me, please?”

“I really think you should focus on your exams. You’ve only got one left, right?”

“Since when are you tracking my progress?”

“Always have.” He smiled warmly.

Eddy audibly breathed out. “Can we forget about that tonight?”

“Why? It's important. And it seems like you are not being serious enough about passing.” Brett tapped his pen against the desk.

“Oh, you don’t think I’m serious? Well, let me show you how serious I am.” He brushed through his hair a couple of times and pulled down his glasses to be able to peer over them.

“Mr. – Professor Yang, I do believe that the amount of studying I have done today warrants a well-deserved break, which will consequently enhance my study abilities tomorrow and let me commence my next study session with refreshed spirits.”

The corner of Brett’s mouth twitched slightly. “Mr. Chen, and how do plan to spend your break?”

Got him.

“Methinks, I could make use of a drink in an establishment downtown and then when we are ready to progress, you would show me the generosity of taking me to your place?” He cocked his head to the side, going all in.

Brett crossed his arms and leaned back in his chair.

Too far.

“Forget it. I will not let you corner me like that. Don’t you think it would be suspicious if we left in the same car and showed up in that same car the next morning?”

“We don’t have to take the car...” Eddy said playfully and walked around to the other side of the desk.

“That’s not the point.”

“Then what is your point?” He sighed annoyed. “I only want to spend some time with you. Why is that such a problem in your book? I understand that people can’t see us on campus holding hands but why can’t we go to your place? Are you married or something?”

Brett stared at him and Eddy huffed.

“Fuck Brett, don’t look at me like I’ve just kicked a puppy. I just want to get to know you.”

His professor remained silent, looking up at Eddy from his chair, then averting his eyes.

“Please?”

He closed his eyes. “Eddy, I don’t know what to tell you.”

“Just say something along the lines of ‘Eddy, I would love to go out with you. We could have some food and a couple of drinks and then we could spend the night making out on my bed instead of this old creaky leather sofa’.”

“Don’t you tell me you don’t like my ‘old creaky leather sofa’.”

Eddy stared unamused. “You know exactly what I mean.”

They remained silent for a little while until Brett took a deep breath.

“Give me a little bit of time.”

“How long?”

“Just a little.”

Eddy bent down. “Fine, I will stop asking you until tomorrow. But will you at least let me kiss you tonight?”

Brett watched him through lowered lashes.

Deep down, Eddy adored that his professor had to tilt his head up to kiss him.

A quiet breath escaped his parted lips.

“Maybe.”

“Good enough.” Eddy murmured smiling and yearningly pressed his mouth onto Brett’s lovely soft lips.

“I could continue this forever, you know.”

“I know. But you have to go back to studying.”

The older man smirked, his silky lips shimmering with the traces of their kiss.

“Come on. Can’t I get a break?” He pouted, only a little annoyed.

“No.” Brett retorted definitively and was about to turn back to his screen when Eddy grabbed his shoulders.

“Do you need me to beg?”

Brett raised an interested eyebrow but didn’t step into the trap. “I don’t need you to do anything but study right now.”

“All I hear is that you want me to beg.” Eddy pursed his lips and as usual dropped to his knees.

“Eddy, get up.”

“No.” He said with the same intonation Brett had used before.

“Okay, then I’m getting up.”

“And where do you think you’re going?” Eddy hooked his fingers into Brett’s belt loops.

“Ed-”

“Just let me be with you tonight, okay? I swear I’ll be back to studying tomorrow morning.” He made the best puppy eyes he could. “Please. I swear I’ll make it worth your while.” He said with the most sultry vibrato to his voice, dragging his eyes from Brett’s hips to his professor’s suddenly very flushed face.

Brett tried to compose himself and looked at his watch. “An hour.”

“An hour?! That’s-”

“That’s all you’re getting.” He could see Brett’s Adam’s apple bob. He was sure that he could make him forget the time easily.

“Okay, fine. One hour.” Eddy let go of his belt loops and slid his hands down his legs.

His big hands landed on Brett’s knees and slowly pushed them apart, as Eddy watched with satisfaction what was happening in between.

Brett made a soft noise when he squeezed his thighs.

“You know what? When I’m down here, I really don’t mind the sofa anymore.” He sighed and pressed an open-mouthed kiss to Brett’s growing manhood.

“Fuck.” He heard his superior moan and gentle fingers brushed through his hair encouragingly.

“Eddy.”

He rubbed his nose into the thin fabric of Brett’s dress pants, indulging briefly in the faint musky smell that was seeping through.

“I-I-Ed-dy-I.” He stuttered above. “Oh God.” And bucked his growing erection into Eddy’s cheek.

The sudden movement made him draw away, which caused Brett to whine with loss.

“You know, I appreciate that I got this hour but I also really want a drink. And if we’re not going out. I want a sip of that liquid gold you’ve got in your bookshelf.”

“The Balvenie?” He sounded slightly irritated as if he couldn’t believe that Eddy interrupted his ministrations for a drink.

Eddy got up and swiped his red lips across Brett’s. “Have one with me.”

Only a moment later, both of them were taking a big sip from sparkling crystal glasses.

“Happy with your choice?” Brett smirked leaning against his desk.

“More than.” Eddy took another swig without breaking eye contact. “Now, the only thing left is a quiet corner to snog you.”

“Take your pick. You’ve got fifty minutes left.”

“You’re such a pain.” He put down his glass and wrapped his arms around his lover. His hands finding their way automatically around Brett’s narrow waist.

“I’ll make the most of this, you know that.” He whispered into the crook of Brett’s neck.

“You are relentless.” He said while Eddy was persistently peppering his neck with soft kisses.

Tracing Brett’s left shoulder with his mouth, he slowly pulled down the collar of his shirt, sneakily opening button after button with his right hand.

He breathed in the smell of his cologne and hummed.

Even if it were just an hour, he would soak it all up with gusto.

He licked his lips, whilst his eyes followed the line of the older man’s jaw to the stubble on his chin.

I can’t get enough. He thought, a visceral longing leading his hands underneath his shirt and onto his chest.

A delicious moan escaped Brett when Eddy’s thumbs rubbed over perky nipples.

He wanted to drink it up, drown in those sounds, he thought leaning forward to unite their mouths again in a soft exchange of tenderness until it morphed into a more passionate tango of teeth and tongue that left both breathless.

He needed this. He wanted this.

“Let me have you.”

Eddy was pressing their hips together, his thigh searchingly grinding into Brett’s groin. And suddenly Brett whined and matched his rhythm.

“I want you.” Eddy said, achingly, almost demandingly.

“Here?” Brett breathed, pupils darting from one eye to the other.

“Doesn’t matter where.” He murmured and hid his face in Brett’s ruffled hair. “But it has to be now.”

He heard Brett swallow. “Bottom drawer on the right.”

Chapter Text

He couldn’t believe what he’d done.

He’d been drunk.

No, that’s a lie. He thought and shuffled the papers in front of him.

All of it had been a lie.

One delicious lie. So savoury, he could still taste it on his tongue.

He swallowed thinking of how Eddy had once again driven him to madness with his perfect lips.

He would cherish the memory of his impatient mouth on his loins until the day he died.

He could still feel the electricity of his tongue on his bare skin, his hands between his legs, the deep rattle of his voice through his body.

“Turn around.”

He could still feel the edge of his desk digging into the front of his thighs.

He was ashamed for how he had whined high-pitched like a whore when he’d pushed into him.

“Fuck, Eddy.” He’d gasped. This one had hurt but in a good way.

“Do you want me to stop?” The other had asked breathlessly, hands trembling on his hips with anticipation.

“No, no. Please, God, fuck.” He’d crumbled a piece of paper in his palm trying to relax a bit more. “I just didn’t-, fuck, I didn’t expect you to be so-” Another guttural moan had escaped him as he’d been able to let Eddy slip in all the way.

He had hidden his burning face in his arm, embarrassed about the fact that he’d been stretched out over his assistant’s office desk, papers sticking to his sweaty chest.

Every thrust had driven him further away from what he’d thought was right and wrong.

Every smack had shown him that he was no where close to what he had thought he’d wanted to be.

Every jolt of pure passion searing through his body had reminded him of the fact that he was alive, only with Eddy.

Only here.

Only now.

His mind choked into submission by firm hands around his shoulders, lifting him up until he was one with the lover behind him.

His hot breath on his neck, his eager fingers on his chest, his neck, his cock.

The rhythm of his persistent thrusts driving him over the edge. Head thrown back. Clasping the arms wrapped around himself.

He still remembered the wave of ecstasy that had made him come on top of the scattered essays on his assistant’s desk.

All at once.

Without regret.

Chapter Text

Twirling his pen between his index and middle finger, Eddy tried to keep his mind from straying but failed miserably. The images of yesterday’s afternoon superimposing themselves onto his chaotic notes of the last music history lecture that he had been trying to decipher for the last hour.

He wasn’t all too worried about the exam. Why, he wasn’t quite sure. Could be that he’d actually been paying attention and reading all the assigned homework. But it could also be the fact that he’d been riding an astronomical high since he’d –

He’d f–

Yesterday –

Yesterday he’d fu-

FUCKED

He’d fucked –

His professor.

He’d fucked his PROFESSOR.

Yesterday he’d fucked his professor –

On his desk.

Fuck.

He put the pen down with a bang.

Brett would have jumped but luckily, he had gone home for the night a couple of hours ago and Eddy had decided to stay a bit longer because while his superior was here all attempts at concentrating were futile.

Turns out that not even now that he’d gone, he couldn’t for the life of him focus on anything else than the memory of his professor, his eyes, his hair, his nose, his hands, his mouth.

His mouth, his lips.

He groaned loudly and leaned back in his chair.

Those red lips that had quivered with anticipation as Eddy had gazed up at him on his knees. His own lips unbearably close to Brett’s soft porcelain skin.

Those lips that had allowed the lewdest moans to escape from deep within as he’d put his own to work.

God, how he loved to make him curse, lose control, beg for more. All of it at once, just by taking him down his throat.

Fuck, if he could, he would have stayed like that forever, Brett’s hands in his hair, holding on for dear life as Eddy made him see stars. Knees shaking, choking down involuntary groans of pleasure, repeating like a mantra Eddy’s name.

He closed his eyes and leaned back in his chair, thinking about how heartbroken Brett had looked at him when he’d let him slip out of his mouth, ready to get his share of the limited time he’d been given.

Those big brown eyes had promised anything in return for more. And Eddy had delivered.

Maybe a little too much, he thought, his hand finding its way to the growing tent in his trousers.

Oh, if he had only had the patience to listen to his professor.

He squeezed his groin thinking about how firmly he’d held Brett’s hip as he’d pushed into him, maybe a bit too roughly.

How those lips had told him to wait, to go slow, had pleaded for an adagio, when he’d been ready for an allegro.

How guilty he felt now that he was getting hard from the memory of his professor’s strained groans as he’d let him sink deep all at once.

How he’d pushed Brett’s upper body down onto the paper covered surface of his wooden desk.

How he’d paused for a moment to take in the view, the whimpering noises, the feeling of his lover adjusting to him.

Fuck. He threw his head back and pulled his dick out of his slacks. Frustrated that his hand was no comparison to the memory of Brett’s warmth.

He had tried to give him time but fuck, there was no world in which he would have been able to stop himself from playing the most passionate symphony on Brett’s body.

Hands holding on to narrow hips, tracing along smooth curved skin, wiping small drops of sweat off a perfectly arched spine, he’d plucked a high staccato of moans from Brett’s vocal cords.

The beat kept by the smack of skin against skin.

Over and over and over and over.

Accelerando.

He licked his lips, hand squeezing hard around the base of his dick.

Eddy, I’m – I’m – ah- ah- close.

It was the crescendo of Brett’s voice announcing his climax as he’d pulled him against his own chest that had nearly sent him over the edge. In his memory as well as right now, sitting in their shared office.

He’d grabbed him hard, in a fit of uninhibited lust, and sent him into a fortissimo with only a few firm strokes of his hand.

And feeling him tense and sing his name, he had just as quickly, joined his professor in his performance, pressing his open mouth against his temple.

I love you.

A final guttural groan echoed through the empty office as he came all over his white shirt.