Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

He knew this would be one wound that would never heal, no matter how hard he tried he would never get over the death of his best friend, his brother.

As Chibs sat at his kitchen table, glass of whiskey and kutte on the table. He stared at the President flash that he had yet to stitch onto his Kutte. He didn’t want to as that would make this more official that they already were, but he knew he had to. Just like the promise he made to his brother.

He wasn’t the type of guy to cry but there he was staring at the kutte, tears clouding his vision, he knew the mayhem vote needed to happen and he understood the reasons Jax had but it didn’t make the loss any harder to deal with. Downing the whiskey he left his kutte on the table before grabbing his keys to his bike. He just needed to try and clear his head, just needed to go for a ride.

Riding until he reached the one place he needed to be, he cut the engine on his bike before collapsing on the dirt in front of Jax’s grave. Tonight they was having the wake for the fallen brother.

“How’s that steel horse ride on the streets of gold? Does the promised land have any ol’ back roads?” Chibs sniffed as he picked at the grass. He knew he wouldn’t get a reply but he just needed to speak, even if it was to the air.

“Ain’t a doubt you’ve done a burnout on a cloud. Knowin’ you, you probably laid her down” He half laughed at the thought of Jax causing chaos still. “Have you revved it up while the angels sang? Did God get on ya, did He take your wings? You better have ‘em back 'fore I get in 'Cause brother, we’re gonna ride again”

Chibs didn’t know how long he had been sat at his brother’s grave, it wasn’t until his phone started blowing up with everyone asking where he was. Sighing, he pushed himself to his feet, climbing on his bike, wiping the tears that had fallen before he headed to the club house.

As he entered the club, the air felt heavy, everyone was feeling the loss of a friend and a brother.

“A just want to say a few things” Chibs nodded holding his glass in the air “They say blood makes you related. But loyalty makes you kin. So when I called that man my brother. Well, I meant what I said”

Everyone was silent as Chibs spoke, taking a deep breath he continued.

“I can’t begin to tell ya how it feels. But I speak for us all, man it hurts like hell. We miss your smilin’ face. We’ll saddle up again one day and hopefully I can continue what you started” He sniffed as he poured some whiskey on the floor, just as everyone else did “We’re gonna ride again brother”

Chapter Text

The last two years had been the best years the Chibs had ever had, with you by his side I felt like he could do anything but there was one thing that was always at the back of his mind. The age difference. You were in your 20s and he was in his 40s nearly his 50s.

“A don’t know Wha ta do” he sighed as he sipped his whiskey.

“You stressing about the age difference again?” Jax said slapping his brothers back.

“Aye” Chibs nodded.

“I don’t see an issue with it man” Jax nodded “at the end of the day that girl loves you so much it actually makes me sick”

“A know, but a can’t help but feeling like I’m ruining her youth” he sighed placing his empty glass on the bar “like she could get someone better than me, around her age and not hold her back, A don’t know whether to just end it”

Chibs didn’t realise you were stood behind him so heard everything he just said. Tears stung your eyes, was he really going to break up with you.

Without saying anything you quietly slipped out of the building, climbing in your car and heading home. You had a shitty day at work and all you wanted was to spend the night with your man.

The house was silent when Chibs got home, which was unusual as your car was on the drive and normally you’d have the music blasting away. After checking every room downstairs he headed upstairs to find you curled in a ball on his side of the bed with the luckenbooth brooch in your hand.

He was so confused as you never took the brooch off your leather jacket since the day he gave it you.

One look at your face and he knew you had been crying, even with your eyes closed they were puffy and you had streaks of black mascara on your cheeks.

Feeling the bed dip, you opened your eyes to see Chibs sat looking at you trying to figure out what was wrong. Taking a deep breath you started speaking.

“I heard what you said earlier” you whispered “is that what you really think? That you ruined my youth”

“You wasn’t meant to hear that” he sighed running his hand over his face.

“Oh because that just makes it even better” you scoffed rolling over so you weren’t facing him.

“That came out wrong” Chibs side lying next to your wrapping his arm around your waist.

“How long have you been feeling like this?” You whispered trying not to cave into his touch.

“A little while now” he sighed “someone said something and it got me thinking, ye are like half my age and sometimes a feel like am holding ye back”

“Filip” you sighed rolling over to look at him “so that’s why you were planning on ending things”

“Yeah, no, A don’t know” he sighed as you rested your head on his chest.

“I just wish you spoke to me as soon as you felt this way” you whispered playing with the leather of his kutte. “I don’t think you have ruined my youth, I don’t care that I’m half your age and I don’t care what other people might think because at the end of the day you are the first person to fully understand me, the one that makes my day a million times better and the one my heart belongs to”

“Are ye sure a haven’t ruined your youth” he whispered playing with your hair.

“Chibby do you really think I’d still be here if you had” you laughed slightly “so please stop thinking you have because in reality you have made it better”