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The impala rumbled down the long gravel road. Castiel stared out the window, watching the trees go by, the shadows from their long pale trunks painting faint stripes across the ground.
The atmosphere in the car was undoubtedly awkward. Castiel had never planned on facing the consequences of his actions. He supposed that had been foolish of him. Dean had shown time and time again that he would stop at nothing to save the ones he loved, and this time was no different.
Even so, his words were those of a dying man, never intended to be spoken about. It seemed cruel that he had to acknowledge them now.
But beneath the stale uncertainty, there was something else. Within him, and, he believed, between them.
Hope.
He mulled things over. Castiel had resigned himself to not having Dean a long time ago. Dean had never shown romantic interest in the male sex, preferring the soft curves and simple beauty of women. Furthermore, he had said on multiple occasions that Castiel was like a brother to him.
Castiel couldn't blame him for that, so he'd locked away his feelings, locked away his hope. With his confession he'd turned the key, knocked down the cage, and unleashed everything he had never allowed himself to feel. He had releashed his love, and with it, his hope.
But Dean wouldn't let that be the end. He had at the last moment torn away his grace, and the Shadow had no choice but to swallow Billie alone, before disappearing again with her and Castiel's grace in its grasp.
So now the walls were down. Both Dean and Castiel alike were weak and human, and feelings were up in the air. And neither of them knew how to address it.
Perhaps now wasn't really the time, anyway. At the end of this drive may wait his father, god himself, Chuck, the biggest threat they'd ever had to face. The otherwise empty road proved that.
So maybe they didn't have time to talk about their feelings, maybe they should talk war instead. After all, God knew, they needed it.
So Castiel sighed. "Dean-"
"We might die tonight."
Castiel looked at him, for the very first time since they'd entered the car. The flickering light from the full moon illuminated his face, highlighting the shape of his lips, the curve of his nose, the crease in his forehead.
He didn't look tense, or angry, just, for once… Tired, and sad. He looked, surprisingly, more human than Castiel had ever seen him; and he'd seen a lot of him. His chest ached, somewhere deep inside, in a location he couldn't quite place.
"For good, this time. No do-overs, no second chance. I don't want things to end like this, Cas," he said, voice cracking, tears glistening as they slowly welled in his tired, tired eyes.
"For once in my life, I have something to look forward to, something that can just be mine."
Though Castiel was sure he could hardly see for tears, he kept his gaze fixed on the road ahead of them, leading them to wherever it would take them. "Did you mean it, what you said?" he asked, sounding as vulnerable as Castiel felt.
Castiel didn't hesitate. "Every word."
Dean laughed, a short, broken laugh, and lifted his arm to wipe his eyes. "Good," he sighed. "That's good. I don't want to die tonight, or tomorrow, or the next day, holding back, not knowing, the same way I always have. I can't do that anymore, Cas. The world could end tomorrow, and I'd be left with nothing."
Castiel watched on, unsure, tears slowly growing in his own eyes at the emotion in Dean's words, in his face. Dean shifted in his seat, and suddenly his face was bright, his eyes were shining.
He paused; sighed. His words proposed regret, but he looked happier now. Sounded happier. "Dad would kill me."
"Screw him."
Dean shot him an amused glance. "I think there's someone else I'd rather screw."
Castiel's heart gave an uncharacteristic flutter, like a trapped bird. But his heart wasn't trapped anymore. "Me?"
Dean snorted. "Obviously." He paused, tone softening. "I love you."
And Castiel realised Dean had said it before, a thousand times. It was there, a soft whisper, in every sacrifice he'd made. A gentle kiss, in every smile line etched into his face. Castiel couldn't see how he'd ever missed it.
They sped on towards their destination. The night was cold, but the atmosphere was warm.
At the end of the day, maybe they couldn't beat Chuck. Maybe they would die. And maybe, they'd find their way to a better Heaven, together.