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Tenzo sat at the bar, holding a drink but not really drinking it, letting himself feel sorry for himself.
When Kakashi slid into the seat beside him, he greeted him with a sigh instead of the usual friendly smile he reserved for his old friend.
“I heard about you and Hitomi,” Kakashi said. He motioned for the bartender to pour him a beer.
Tenzo winced. “I think the whole village heard.”
“Maybe not the people on the southern watch tower.”
“Yeah.” Tenzo took a long drink. “She sure had a lot to say about my character. And my lovemaking skills.”
“And your ninjutsu, don't forget. I particularly liked when she told you to use your wood-style to make a giant dildo and fuck yourself. Interesting mental image, that.”
Tenzo let his forehead clunk onto the polished wooden surface of the bar. “She's right though. I was a terrible boyfriend. ANBU always comes first. And I always tell them that, and then they always get mad when I'm not home much, and when I can't tell them about my missions, and when I mistake the flower-delivery guy for an enemy and start to torture him.”
“That...has never happened to me,” Kakashi said. “Are you really that on edge?”
“No. Not usually. I had just gotten back from that mission with the dead kids.”
“Oh,” Kakashi nodded sympathetically. Tenzo didn't fail his missions often—he was meticulous and prepared—but there were always things that you couldn't control. Like when the enemy decides to slaughter the kids you were sent to rescue rather than negotiate for hostages like they had claimed they would. Of course, Kakashi also didn't have flower-delivery guys lurking on his steps either. He was a strictly one-night-stand sort of guy.
“Why do you keep doing this?” Kakashi asked. He meant it metaphorically, but Tenzo was a very thorough guy. Kakashi should have known better.
“I...” Tenzo lifted his head, frowning. “I don't know. I think...being with someone will make me happy. And it does, at first. Hitomi was nice. And beautiful. And she was really good at blow jobs.”
Kakashi just shook his head. “You can do better.”
“Better than Hitomi?” Tenzo asked, scandalized. “You heard her...I'm unattractive and boring and emotionally distant and terrible in bed.” His head sunk lower and lower towards the bar again with each statement, his ex-girlfriend's shrill voice and all her criticisms still ringing in his ears. When his forehead hit the bar again he closed his eyes, wallowing in the misery, letting it seep through him like slow moving sap.
“You can't seriously believe that,” Kakashi said, his voice scornful.
“Hitomi isn't the only woman who's said such things about me,” Tenzo said. “She was just the loudest and most recent.”
Kakashi frowned, then then dumped his beer over Tenzo's head. The younger man sat up suddenly, spluttering and blinking beer out of his eyes. “What the hell Kakashi!?”
“You're not any of those things Hitomi said, but you are a fucking idiot, Tenzo.” He motioned to the bartender for another beer. The bartender threw a bar rag at Tenzo along with a glare.
Tenzo was speechless, but he wiped up his face and the mess, angry and confused.
“We both had fucked up childhoods,” Kakashi said. “You have to give yourself a break when it comes to relationships.”
“Speak for yourself,” Tenzo grouched, but then he thought for a moment and his face went red. “Wait, are you talking about the laboratory stuff, or the ROOT stuff, or the ANBU stuff?”
“Yes,” Kakashi said. The bartender handed Kakashi a new beer and he sipped it. “And I am talking about myself too, actually. Emotional distance is what keeps people like us sane after all the shit. But that's not the point.”
“Then what is the point?” Tenzo asked.
“You're not boring—you just like routines and familiarity. You're not unattractive—or those women wouldn't be sleeping with you in the first place, and ok, so I can't say if you're terrible in bed because I haven't fucked you yet, but--”
Tenzo choked, “Yet!?”
Kakashi waved a hand. “You're on my list.”
“What list??” Tenzo asked, his voice rising in tone.
“But the point is, you're a catch. You just need to find the right person. Someone who appreciates routines, and duty, and faithfulness. Someone who can respect your secrets, and get to know you a little at a time.”
Tenzo sat back on his stool and crossed his arms. “I didn't come here for a pep-talk tonight. I just got dumped. I just wanted...I just want to feel bad for a few days. Even if I'm not...everything Hitomi said, well...I liked her. I liked being with her. I'm allowed to wallow a little bit after being dumped!”
“I'm not inclined to let my friends wallow, sorry,” Kakashi said. “It's a waste of time.”
“But you are inclined to dump beer on the, apparently,” Tenzo said. His hair was still damp and sticky. He would smell like a drunk until he took a shower, and he'd not even finished his first drink. “That's a waste of alcohol.”
Kakashi just smiled. “Not at all, The look on your face was worth every drop.”
“Sure. I guess I'll go wallow at home then. Or...back to the ANBU dorms I guess. I let my apartment lease lapse when I moved in with her.”
“Or my place,” Kakashi offered. “My couch is always free.”
“No thanks,” Tenzo said flatly. “You might pour another beer on me if you catch me being sad.”
“Suit yourself,” Kakashi said. “I like routine, and duty, and I already know your secrets.”
“And I'm on your list?” Tenzo asked, shaking his head at what his sempai was implying. It was ridiculous. Kakashi was ridiculous. He' gotten some crazy ideas since he became a jounin-sensei.
Kakashi looked him up and down carefully, his dark eye appraising him. “The invitation stands, if you change your mind.”
Tenzo just shook his head again. He put some cash on the counter and sauntered out, not even the slightest bit drunk at all, and not done wallowing in the least.
*
Fortunately for Tenzo and everyone around him, the wallowing phase was short lived. He kept thinking about Kakashi's words, and he tried to be easier on himself. He started to realize that Hitomi wasn't as perfect as he had built her up to be—she had a tendency to shout at him for little things like leaving his clothes on the floor, or forgetting to get something from the list when he went shopping, or being late getting back from a mission. She never asked him what he wanted to watch on t.v., or what he wanted for dinner, or...anything really. Maybe the blowjobs were the best thing about that relationship. It had probably been for the best that they broke up.
A month passed, and three missions that all went off without a hitch, and the rebound phase hit him like a shuriken to the forehead. Tenzo met a girl at the sushiya on the corner by ANBU headquarters one night, and he went back to her apartment with her.
“I'm ANBU,” he warned her, when her fingers played across the bright red mark on his bicep. “I'm broken and I'm full of secrets.” Kakashi's words were seared into his mind, and he tried to figure out, as she stripped him out of his armor and undershirt, what she saw in him.
But she shushed him, and she kissed him, and then they fucked in her apartment in the dark. It was fast (too fast? Tenzo wondered) but in the end she was a satisfied puddle in the bed, and Tenzo was peeling off the sticky full condom, so he supposed that he wasn't terrible in bed, probably. He lay beside her on the bed and let her snuggle up against his chest because it was what he was supposed to do after sex. He put an arm around her and looked up at the dark ceiling. He felt empty. Was this it? Wallow, work, and then move on to another girl? How many more months was he going to do this? How many more women until he found someone who could see past the intrigue and mystery of dating an ANBU? He couldn't stand it anymore.
“I have to go,” Tenzo rolled out of the bed and pulled on his pants, gathered up the rest of his clothes.
“What? No, you can stay,” the girl sat up, obviously disappointed.
“Sorry,” Tenzo said, and he was gone.
*
He leaned his forehead against Kakashi's apartment door, but he didn't knock. He knew that Kakashi was home. Tenzo wasn't a sensory type, but when he closed his eyes he could tell that Kakashi's chakra was in there, a low, familiar hum.
“Come in, Tenzo,” Kakashi's voice called out from inside. Well. Of course if he could sense Kakashi, his friend could sense him. He opened the door, and wasn't surprised to see the copy-nin lying on his bed reading by the light of a single lamp despite the late hour.
“Sorry,” Tenzo said. “I'm done wallowing. Is your couch still open?”
“Of course,” Kakashi nodded at the shabby piece of furniture shoved up against one wall, practically in the kitchen of the tiny apartment.
Tenzo nodded. “Mind if I shower?”
“Go ahead.” Kakashi said. But Tenzo didn't move to go to the shower. He stayed at the door, watching Kakashi read. Tenzo's heart felt at peace for the first time in months. This routine. This familiarity. Kakashi always read in bed before going to sleep. Kakashi knew what had happened without having to ask. He wasn't tantalized by the thrill and danger of ANBU—he knew that harsh reality better than anyone, even if he'd joined the ranks of the jounin-sensei now.
“Were you serious that night at the bar?” Tenzo asked quietly.
“I'm always serious,” Kakashi said. He turned a page, not looking at his friend still lingering in the doorway.
“About me?”
Finally Kakashi put the book down. He sat up slightly and looked at Tenzo. He was only wearing soft flannel pants. No headband, no mask, nothing else. His hair hung in his eyes, but Tenzo could see the other man watching him carefully, taking in Tenzo's own disheveled state. Hell, Kakashi could probably smell that other woman all over him. He had to know where Tenzo had come from. What he'd been doing.
“Of course, Tenzo.”
Tenzo looked down at his feet and gritted his teeth. He wouldn't cry. Not in front of Kakashi, of all people. He nodded sharply and then rushed to the shower. He left his clothes on the floor and rinsed off the sweat and perfume and all the rest of the evidence of sex. Kakashi's mild shampoo was lathered in his hair, Kakashi's plain white bar of soap—the same brand he'd been using since they'd been teenagers showering in the locker rooms after ANBU missions—ran across his skin like a familiar routine, a soothing scent. Tenzo washed and rinsed, letting go of Hitomi, and the girl from the sushiya, and all the other disappointed women who hadn't been able to see him for who he was. He was done with that. He wasn't going to let himself do that ever again.
When he stepped out of the bathroom, a towel around his waist, he saw that Kakashi had set out some shorts and underwear and blankets one end of the couch, but the light was off and Kakashi was just a lump under the covers of his bed on the other side of the small apartment.
Tenzo pulled on the loaned clothing and was about to flop onto the couch, but he paused. Kakashi had just confirmed that he meant what he had said at the bar. And Kakashi had a perfect, nearly eidetic memory. His heart in his throat, Tenzo shuffled over to Kakashi's bed. His friend looked up at him, hands behind his head, flat on his back.
“Can I sleep with you?” Tenzo asked.
“Eh? I thought you only liked women, Tenzo-kun.” Kakashi's pale smile was visible even in the darkness, but he was scooting towards the wall, pushing the blankets away to make room for Tenzo.
“I...want to be with someone who really knows me. Someone who really cares about me.” Tenzo said softly. “Do you?”
“More than anyone else in the world, my friend,” Kakashi said, his voice even and quiet, not joking in the least. Tenzo slid himself between the sheets and was only a little bit surprised to feel Kakashi's heavy arm draped over him.
THE END