Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Lila pulled back on the string of her bow, one eye shut tight as she aimed at the target.

Her dad stood beside her, murmuring instruction as she lined up her shot.

“That’s it. Shoulders back, square your feet.” Clint said, pride lacing his tone, the way it always did when they practiced together.

She knew some girls her age thought their parents were completely uncool and wanted nothing to do with them. But not Lila, she loved her dad so much her heart actually hurt sometimes. She'd always been a daddy's girl, ever since she was tiny. And if that made her uncool, she didn't much care. The past few years having him home with them all the time, well she couldn't think of anything better. She knew he missed being an Avenger, missed the others, mostly Auntie Nat. Lila missed her too. Though she still called as often as she could and had even managed to visit a few times. Lila had asked him about it, and his response was always the same, 'I'd rather be here with you little bird.'

Lila would rather he was here too.

Her dad stepped back just as Lila released the string.

The arrow flew straight and true, sticking into the center of the target against the old oak.

“That’s it Hawkeye.” Her dad grinned, ruffling her hair.

Lila jogged over to retrieve her arrow, pulling it out with satisfaction. Arrow gripped triumphantly in her hand she turned around, smiling broadly at her dad.

Except he wasn’t there.

She looked from side to side, then spun around searching, but she didn’t see him anywhere.

Her smile faltered.

“Dad?"

No reply.

"Dad?” She called out again, still scanning around for him.

But he was gone.

Fear bubbled up in her chest, panic swelling as she jogged to the house, then to the barn.

“Dad! Dad?!" She shouted, voice trembling.

Then Lila heard a cry in the distance. Her baby brother’s voice, followed by an ear piercing scream.

Lila whipped around, already running, staring out into the field, eyes widening in horror at the sight before her. Her mother was on her knees in the grass, Nathaniel clutched tightly to her chest, his tiny body crumbling before Lila’s eyes. What was happening? She couldn't understand what she was seeing as pieces of her brother seemed to float away.

Lila tried to cry out, tried to move but her brain, struggling to process the sight, refused to cooperate. That’s when she noticed Cooper, or rather, that he was gone from where he'd been minutes ago. There in the grass several feet away from her mom and Nate, was nothing more than a pile of ash beside a baseball glove.

She felt her body begin to shake, both a sob and a scream caught in her throat.

By the time she forced her feet to move, it was too late. Nate was gone from her mother’s arms, and her mother, her mother was disappearing too. Her hands had vanished, nothing more than ash in the wind, her arms already following suit.

“Mom!” Lila cried out, stumbling toward her, tears streaming down her face.

She met her mother's dark eyes, her gaze full of sadness but also the same steely resolve they always held. The bottom half of her body was nearly gone now too.

“Find Natasha.” Her mother managed to shout with her very last breath before the rest of her faded away.

And just like that, Lila Barton was utterly alone.

“No. No. No.” Lila cried, staring around, fear clutching her heart.

Knees unsteady with the weight of grief now consuming her, she dropped to the ground unable to feel the pain of the impact.

She waited, burying her face in her hands. Surly she would be next. She hoped she would be.

But one heart beat turned into two, into three. After a solid minute, still sobbing she pulled her hands away, examined them.

They were dirty, and calloused, streaked with her own tears, but still whole. All of her was still there, or most of her anyway. Because even if her body had not turned to ash, her heart had, along with the rest of her family.

Chapter Text

Natasha ran.

Chest heaving, breaths unsteady, blood pounding in her ears.

Everywhere she looked, people were disintegrating before her eyes, bodies turning to dust and ash.

She darted into the woods, jumping several trampled logs, and torn down trees. Heart thumping, thumping, thumping. Rounding a bend she saw Banner, still in his Iron Hulk suit, then Rhodey in his. The strange Raccoon looking alien sat looking utterly devastated against a broken tree, Thor beside him grim faced.

Then she saw them. Steve, sitting on the ground beside the body of their friend.

Natasha stopped, hand going to her stomach at the horror before her.

Vision, now greyed out, his eyes vacant, a cracked hole ripped in his forehead where the mind stone had been. Steve stared down at him, eyes hollow, every muscle in his body taut with pain.

This couldn’t be happening.

God, it just couldn’t.

But it was.

They’d lost.

Thanos had won, gotten the stones, snapped his gauntlet.

And ashes to ashes, they'd all fallen away.

Was this all that was left of their team? Six survivors out of them?

Her stomach lurched, threatening to spill it’s contents on the ground. This couldn’t be.

Wanda. Sam. Bucky. T’Challa. Shuri. The tree alien who's name she'd never learned.

What of the Okoye and the Dora Milaje?

And what about the others who hadn't been on the field?

That Spider kid, Doctor Strange, Tony.

She mentally tallied the teams, the Avengers that she knew well, and the ones she knew only by name.

She thought about others too, Pepper, the Asgardians, Fury, Hill, Dr. Cho. What about her recently rediscovered family? Yelena, Melina and Alexei? Had they survived this massacre?

The thought of that rediscovered family reminded her of something else.

Her other family.

Clint. Laura. Cooper. Lila. Nate.

Oh god no.

They were supposed to be safe. Far away from Thanos, aliens and infinity stones. Safely tucked away on the farm where nothing could reach them... Far, far away from the carnage of battle, the danger of being an Avenger.

But they’d failed to stop Thanos, and the carnage was no longer contained to the battle field.

Natasha fell to her knees as the possibility slammed into her. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t force air into her lungs, the pain of it overwhelming everything inside her. Natasha couldn’t bear it. Not Clint. Not Laura. Not the kids. But she knew the odds weren’t in her favor. The chances of an entire family, five people, sparred from this hell, they were astronomical, impossible really. Half of her team had disappeared in an instant, odds were that half of the Barton family had vanished too.

Natasha hated herself as her mind instantly wondered who would be left. Clint or Laura, maybe one of the kids, perhaps two?

She forced the thought away it was pointless. Losing even one of them was unbearable. It didn't actually matter who was gone and who was spared, any configuration was devastating and life shattering.

Then another horrible thought struck her, as they often do in times of crisis.  What if none of them had survived? Natasha didn’t think she could bear that.

Sitting there among the wreckage, Vision’s body before her, the remnants of her team around Natasha felt true despair for the first time in her long, traumatic life.

Something vibrated against her ribs, startling her out of her shell shock. It happened again, and it took her a moment to realize it was her burner phone, the one she only used for emergencies. The one that only five people in the world knew the number for. For one heartbeat, relief slammed into her. Because if someone was calling, there was hope. She scrambled for it, startling Steve out of his own shock. He turned toward her as she slammed her finger into the answer button.

“Clint?” Natasha said automatically, voice breathless.

“Auntie Nat?”

It was Lila’s voice, trembling, full of fear and pain.

“Lila? Lila baby, it’s me. It’s Auntie Nat. Talk to me, are you hurt? Where’s your mom and dad? Where are the boys?”

Lila was sobbing hard now, great wracking sounds that reverberated deep into Natasha’s soul. Her blood was pounding in her ears, panic rising higher and higher in her chest, that surge of hope slipping away with every one. Lila was trying to say something but between the pounding in her ears and Lila’s sobbing she couldn’t make it out. Until she could. And what hope was left, vanished like smoke.

“They’re gone.”

Natasha’s heart stopped, her world stopped, everything around her went still and silent, everything inside of her frozen.

Clint.

Gone.

Laura.

Gone.

Cooper.

Gone.

Nathaniel.

Gone.

The word slammed into her punctuating each of their names.

Natasha had known pain, had known loss, but she’d never experienced grief like this. Not truly. Not with the loss of those she loved. She didn’t remember her real parents, had thought Melina and Alexei did not care until recently. There was Yelena for those few short years, and then those few weeks. But she'd never really had anyone to love unconditionally, until Clint. Until she’d been adopted into the Barton household.

But now?

Gone. Gone. Gone. Gone.

Except there was her Lila bird, shining like a light in the darkness.

Everything snapped back into focus. The world restarting around her, head spinning, Lila’s cries on the other end of the phone. Natasha felt Steve gripping her shoulder shaking her, his worried face swimming into focus. 

She was lost and broken apart in ways she didn’t even know were possible.

But that little girl needed her. Needed Natasha to be strong. And as long as she had one person who needed her, she could bear this pain.

“Lila baby. I need you to try to calm down. Something very bad has happened. I know you’re scared. I’m scared too. But I’m still here. I’m here and I’m coming to get you.”

“Okay.” Lila managed to say through her sobs.

“Baby, please, listen to me. I’m in Wakanda now. It’s going to take me a little bit to get there. I’m going to bring a quinjet, I should be there by morning. But I need you to do some things for me okay? Can you be strong and do that for me?”

Lila’s sobs were quieting to sniffles on the other end of the line.

“I’ll try.”

Natasha took a deep, ragged breath, her eyes meeting Steve’s, sad and worried. Clearly he understood.

“Good girl. Now, go in the house. Lock all the doors and windows, but leave all the lights on. Don’t open the door for anyone or anything until I get there. I’ll use our special knock okay?”

“Okay.” Lila hiccupped.

“I need you to pack a bag too. Like a sleepover one, but with a weeks’ worth of clothes. Then I want you to go around the house and pick a few things you want to have with you, photos and keepsakes. I don’t know when or if we will be able to go back there okay? Can you do that for me?”

“Yes Auntie Nat.” Lila sniffled.

“It’s going to be okay Lila. You are my strong, smart girl. And I’ll be there to get you soon. We’ll figure things out together. You call me back if you need me, or you get scared. And if I can’t answer on the quinjet, you call Steve. Your dad…” Natasha almost choked, before forcing herself to continue. “Your dad put his number in your phone for emergencies right?”

“Yeah he did.” Lila said, her voice raw from sobbing, though it had steadied some too.

Her heart ached for her girl, lost and alone after watching her family disappear. She just hoped Lila could be strong until she got there.

“Okay good. Now do what I asked okay? I’m going to the jet now. I love you Lila bird.”

“Love you too Auntie Nat. I’ll go pack now.”

“That’s my girl.”

Natasha waited for Lila to end the call, she couldn’t bear to do it. The other’s were gone now, all but Steve, everyone splitting off to assess the various situations. She met Steve’s gaze.

“Clint’s gone. Laura too. And Cooper and Nathaniel. Lila’s alone.” Her eyes welled with tears, she refused to let them fall. Steve’s shoulders sagged.

“When I realized it was Lila, I'd hoped the other kids had made it too at least.”

“Me too.” Natasha whispered, wiping at a single tear. “But I can’t think about that now. Lila needs me. Can you manage here? Round up what’s left of the team and get them back to headquarters. We’ll meet you there.”

Chapter Text

Lila sat huddled in the corner, arms wrapped tightly around her knees. Her eyes burned from crying, her heart ached, her body still trembled with sobs, though no more tears fell.

This couldn’t be real.

That’s what she told herself at first. After she’d watched her family disappear into thin air. It was just a dream. Just a dream. A nightmare really. But she would wake up any minute and it would be over.

She tried pinching herself, the way she’d seen in movies. And it hurt.

But nothing changed. This wasn't a dream. Her family was gone.

When Lila realized the truth of it, she'd pulled out her phone to call Auntie Nat just like her mother had instructed. Her finger hovering over the button, terrified that Natasha wouldn't answer. Because what if she'd disappeared too?

Lila stared to hyperventilate then. Because without her parents, her brother, her Auntie Nat, Lila had no one. Her only two grandparents had both died years ago, and she didn’t have any other relatives.

Only Natasha really.

She'd finally managed to calm herself down. Taking deep breaths to stop the rising panic.

If Auntie Nat didn’t answer, she’d try Wanda, or Steve, maybe even Nick Fury if she could find her dad's emergency contact list. Her dad had lots of friends, Avenger friends. One of them would answer. They would know what to do.

Finally, Lila hit the speed dial button on her phone, the one that went to Auntie Nat’s emergency line.

After several rings, Natasha picked up.

“Clint?”

“Auntie Nat?” Lila replied, tears already falling down her face.

It was hours later now, and Lila could still hear Natasha’s voice calling her father’s name. Still hear her telling Lila she would come for her. That she loved her. Lila wasn’t all alone after all.

It was that thought that finally gave her the courage to stand on shaky legs. She’d done as Auntie Nat asked, locked the doors and turned on the all the lights. But she still needed to pack her things.

Tears filled her eyes, a sharp pain, like lightening pulsing through her heart. Lila wanted to be strong. Wanted to be brave. But she was scared and confused. She still couldn’t believe any of it. Couldn’t accept that her mom and dad and brothers were gone forever. But Lila knew, deep down in her heart, that they weren’t going to come back. She didn’t know what happened, but if it was enough to scare Auntie Nat? Lila knew it had to be something very, very bad. The worst kind of bad. But she couldn’t think of that now.

Drying her eyes on her sleeve, Lila forced herself to take a few breaths, trying to calm herself down the way her father had taught her. When the tears stopped, she slowly trudged up the stairs to her room. It looked exactly as she’d left it this morning. Bed unmade, clothing strewn about, her vanity scattered with hair ties and flavored lip glosses, pens and notepad paper, arm guards and arrowheads.

It was the same, but it felt wrong when everything else had changed. Lila had changed in some way that she didn’t have words for. But she knew it. Knew that she would never, ever be the same girl who’d left this room this morning.

Focusing on the task ahead, Lila tried not to think too much about what she’d seen. Or what might happen next. Instead she picked out clothes, shirts and jeans, sweaters and pjs, bras and undies and socks, her favorite boots, a pair of sneakers, a heavy jacket. Lila piled them onto the bed, beside her open duffel bag. She tossed more things onto the pile, hairbrush, toothbrush, face wash, phone charger, journal, wallet, and other various items.

After a moment's debate she set her stuffed tiger on top of the pile. It was ragged, the fur worn away in spots, the eyes mismatched. Auntie Nat had given it to her when she was born. She'd carried it around everywhere for years as a little kid.

She also picked up the silver necklace on her desk with the tiny bow shaped pendant, a gift from her parents the previous Christmas.

Methodically she packed her bag, going over the items again as she did. Once she was satisfied with the bag, Lila lugged it down the stairs, making sure to keep away from the windows and out of the line of sight, just in case anyone lurked nearby. She set the bag down in the corner, then made her way to the kitchen. Lila sat on a bar stool at the island, dropping her head in her hands, pressing her palms into her eyes to stop the burning. She stayed like that for a while, until her stomach rumbled. They’d never gotten around to eating lunch. They’d been about to, except… Lila couldn’t let her thoughts go that way. Not now.

She had to hold it together, for just a little while longer. Dragging herself off the stool she went to the fridge, and pulled out the milk. Then she grabbed a bowl from the cupboard next to the sink, and a box of cereal from the shelf, not bothering to look at which kind it was. She didn’t really care. Lila ate two bowls without tasting it, just mechanically shoving spoonful after spoonful into her mouth.

When she finished, she dropped the bowl into the sink, not caring if it sat there forever. Maybe it would.

Lila stared around the kitchen, her eyes unfocused as she imagined all the times she’d seen her mom cooking in here, or baking, or talking with Auntie Nat over tea. She thought about all the birthdays and holidays, all the lazy Sunday mornings, the laughter and smiles and love. She studied the fridge, covered in photos and kids artwork and school report cards. She stared at the photos on the walls, then at her mother’s apron on the hook by the fridge, and that hole in the wall where Cooper accidentally sent his robotics project through it. She noticed the ding in the counter from when Nate knocked over his high chair and scared everyone half to death, saw the slight purple stain on the tiled floor from that time she’d used permanent marker to fill in the cracks.

Her heart hurt looking at all of it.

But Lila made herself keep looking. Keep remembering.

Then she got an idea. She took her phone out of her back pocket and went around the kitchen snapping photos of everything, everywhere she could see a memory. When she finished in the kitchen, Lila moved through the rest of the house. The living room, her mother’s sun room, her father’s work room, the bathroom downstairs with their growth charts notched into the walls, and the one upstairs with paint smeared along the bathtub. She went to Cooper and Nate’s room, Auntie Nat’s room, her parents’ room, documenting it all.

In doing so, Lila started to think about the other thing Auntie Nat had asked her to do. She started thinking about what she would want to have if she could never come back here. It made her ache inside, the idea of never coming back to farm house. But just in case that happened, she needed to be prepared. That was one thing her dad always told her. To plan, to prepare for any and everything because you never knew what might happen.

So Lila tried to think like he would, think about the things she would want to keep with her. She stared with the photos. Lila went back through each room, taking down every single frame. She took the backs off and slid the photos out of each, stacking them neatly on the countertop. Then she took the ones off the fridge, along with Nate’s drawings. Next, Lila decided she wanted to chose a few things to help her remember each of them by.

From Nate’s room she took his old baseball glove, the stuffed wolf Natasha had gotten him when he was born, the one that he carried everywhere, just like she had with her tiger. She took the baby blanket with his name stitched into it that her mom had made, and the well-loved copy of Just Me and My Dad, Nate’s favorite book.

From Cooper’s room she took his robotics club design book, the photograph of him with the original six Avengers, from that time they’d all come home to the farm with her dad and Auntie Nat. She took his favorite Iowa State hoodie, and the Captain America trading cards he kept hidden under his bed.

Finally, Lila went to her parents’ room. She wasn't really sure what she should take from here, she stood there for a while surveying the room. Finally she went into their walk in closet, shifting through clothes. She picked out two of her dad’s favorite flannel shirts, and two of her mom’s coziest sweaters. In the very back of the closet, in a zippered bag, she found one of her dad’s Hawkeye suits, and took that too. She rummaged through their nightstand drawers, feeling a little guilty as she did. She ended up choosing a stack of letter’s from her mom’s, and the case with her dad’s reading glasses from his. Then she went to the vanity where she picked up the bottle of her mother’s perfume and rifled through her jewelry box.

Lila wished she could have their wedding rings, but both of them had been wearing them. Instead, she picked out an Amethyst ring that her dad had given her mom for their tenth wedding anniversary, and a black band she’d seen her father wearing from time to time. The inside had an engraving, but it was in some strange lettering she couldn’t read.

Tucked into the bottom drawer at the very back, Lila also found a dainty silver necklace with a tiny arrow pendant. She furrowed her brow in confusion. It was Auntie Nat’s necklace, but Lila didn’t know what it was doing in her mom’s jewelry box. Right now it didn’t really matter, she'd pack that too.

The last thing she took was a set knives her father kept under the bed, the sheaths stapled to the bottom of the bed frame. With the help of a screwdriver, she pried the staples loose and retrieved the sheaths, sliding them onto her own belt before tucking the knives back in each one.

Lila worked for the next hour, meticulously packing everything, careful not to damage any of her treasures. It kept her hands busy and her mind firmly fixed in the past, each item full of memories that replayed in her head.

It was early into the morning when she finally finished, exhaustion creeping over her. But she was too afraid to let herself rest, to numb to do much of anything really.

So Lila placed the suitcase of treasures next to her duffel bag, took up her bow and placed it on top, then leaned heavily against the nearby wall. She slid down it landing with a thud on the hardwood. She slipped the knives from their sheath, gripping one in each hand, gaze roving from door to windows.

And she waited.

Chapter Text

Natasha landed on the farm exactly thirteen hours and seventeen minutes after the phone call that changed her entire world.

Or what was left of the world anyway.

It was just after dawn when she stumbled out of the quinjet, immediately scanning the familiar surroundings of the farm in rural Iowa.

For one wild moment she expected to see Clint coming out of the barn, or Laura swinging on the porch, Cooper playing baseball, Nate thundering down the path toward her screeching her name.

But they were gone now. Gone, forever.

She'd never again sit on that porch with Laura, the two of the huddled close, talking late into the night over a bottle of wine.

She'd never watch the boys run through the field, Nate's curls blowing in the wind as his giggled furiously, Cooper tearing after him laughing like he was still a little boy himself.

She'd never climb up onto the barn roof with Clint, the two of them laying together gazing up at the endless sea of stars.

She'd never watch as Clint taught Lila how to shoot, or Laura kissed scraped knees. Never listen to Cooper regaling her with his latest robotics design or scoop Nate up into her arms to tickle his belly.

She'd never feel Clint's arms pulling her to him, the strong solid weight of his body like a lifeline even when they weren't in the the throws of danger. Never wrap her arms around Laura's slim waist nose buried in her hair, inhaling the comforting sweetness of her perfume that somehow smelt exactly like home.

Grief threatened to consume Natasha, flames that could devour her whole if she allowed it to.

Her legs were unsteady below her, stomach roiling, mind screaming at her.

But she couldn’t fall apart because inside that big farm house, the one she still thought of as her home even after all this time, there was still someone who needed her.

Her little bird.

Natasha forced her feet to move, one step and then another until she stood facing the door. With a shaky hand she knocked. A long tap, then a short one, pause, short, long, pause, long.

It was a signal they’d come up with long ago, her and Clint and Laura. Just in case of emergencies. The kids never knew they were secretly learning morse code with the special knocks and taps. Each one specific to one of them.
DAD for Clint, MOM for Laura and NAT for Natasha.

Natasha waited for a three count before the deadbolt snicked, followed by the door lock clicking open, and the patter of feet away from the door.

Turning the handle she opened the door just a crack.

“Lila baby, it’s Auntie Nat. I’m going to come in now.” She said, keeping her voice low and soothing.

She slowly pushed open the door, scanning the interior of the house until her gaze fell on Lila. The girl was standing in the shadows of the room. Her eyes were wild, and haunted, but her hands were steady as she held two of Clint’s knives out in front of her.

They clattered to the floor when she met Natasha’s eyes.

“Little bird.” Natasha said, opening her arms.

Lila flew across the space in an instant, throwing herself into Natasha’s arms. She’d grown so much since Natasha had been here last, nearly four months ago if her dates weren't mixed up. She was only a few inches shorter than Natasha was now, and the force of the impact sent her back a few steps. But she rooted herself into the hardwood floor, wrapping Lila up in her arms holding her tightly, taking in the real, solid weight of her.

Lila clung to her, squeezing hard enough that someone else might’ve shied away, but she didn’t. She never would.

“I know it hurts little bird. But we’ll get through it together. I’m here now, I’ve got you"

When they finally parted, there were tears glistening on both of their cheeks. Natasha used her thumbs to gently wipe Lila’s away, then she leaned in and kissed her forehead.

“Did you do what I asked?”

Lila nodded.

“Good. I want you to take the things you packed to the quinjet. I’m just going to pick up a few things too, would that be okay?”

Another nod.

“Go on then.” Natasha said, gently coaxing her.

Lila looked at Natasha, for a long time, then shook her head.

"Why not?”

She watched Lila's throat bob, a few more tears slipping down her cheeks.

"Don't leave me." Lila finally said, the words quiet and broken.

Natasha felt her heartbreak.

She pulled Lila in for another hug. Lila fisted her hands into the back of Natasha's vest, the one Yelena had given her. The thought of Yelena made her ache all over again. On the way here she tried contacting her sister, Alexei and Melina too, but she'd gotten no answer, or reply to the dozen messages she'd sent.

Natasha had to assume the worst. That like so many others, they were gone too. Despair threatened to pull her under again, but then Lila's pressed her nose into Natasha's neck, her breaths the only thing keeping her from falling apart. Lila needed her. She could not break.

"I won't. I'm right here."

"I don't want you to disappear too." Lila mumbled into her neck.

She finally understood her mistake. Lila had watched the rest of the family disappear, she wasn't afraid Natasha would leave her, but that she too would disappear. It wasn't 'don't leave me', but rather 'don't leave me alone.'

"Come one bird, let's take the bags to the quinjet and you can come with me to get a few more things, that okay?'

Lila nodded into her shoulder and released her hold on Natasha.

"Good." Natasha said, wiping more of Lila's tears away.

There were dark shadows beneath those beautiful dark eyes that were so much like Laura’s.

It hurt so damned much seeing the pain in them. Knowing that she could never fix this for the one family member she had left.
She couldn’t give Lila her family back, couldn’t take away her pain, all she could do was her best to give Lila a good life in spite of everything.

Together they picked up the bags and Lila's bow, hauling them to the jet. After that Natasha made one round through the house, Lila on her heels like a shadow. She lingered for only a few extra moments in Clint and Laura’s room, but took nothing. Instead she went to the spare bedroom, that had unofficially been hers, and lifted the floorboard beneath the night table. Carefully she lifted out a shoebox, tucking it under one arm. Lila gave her a questioning look but did not speak.

"Later, okay?" Natasha told her, not ready to talk about it just now.

Lila nodded and followed her into Clint’s workshop behind the barn to retrieve the spare bow he always kept there.

Then she locked up the house and together they trudged across the field for the quinjet.

Before they boarded, they paused to look back. Lila took Natasha's hand and they stared at the house, the barn, the fields. This was the first real home Natasha had ever had, and the only home Lila had ever known. And they may never see it again.

"It's just a house." Lila finally whispered.

A lump rose in Natasha's throat, but before she could say anything Lila spoke again.

"Home isn't a place, it's people."

Tears slowly slipped down Natasha's cheeks as she looked over at Lila, who was still gazing into the distance.

"Dad used to say that all the time. That home was your family, the people who loved you and cared about you, not just a place."

"Yeah. He told me that too." Natasha said with a teary smile.

Lila squeezed her fingers then let go and went into the jet, leaving Natasha to her thoughts. She didn't linger but for a moment, unable to bear the sight of the quiet empty house, now devoid of life.

She turned her back and walked up the ramp, setting the box and the bow down once inside.

Lila was already curled up across the seats on the right-hand side, head pillowed on one of her bags, a small stuffed tiger clutched to her chest.
Natasha’s heart ached at the sight of her little bird, looking so small and fragile. But Natasha knew that she was tough, a fighter and a survivor, like her father.

Somehow they’d get through this. Because it was true, a house wasn't a home, Natasha knew that better than most. Home was wherever there were people who loved you. She'd lost a lot of those people today, but not all of them. Not her little bird, and not the odd family of Avengers waiting for them back in New York.

Natasha took her seat in the pilot's chair, the engine humming to life beneath her fingers.

They were going to get through this. They way they always did.

Together.

Chapter Text

By the time Natasha, now with Lila in tow, reached the Avengers compound in upstate New York, the rest of the team, or those who remained were already assembled.

The group was shockingly small.

Of course, Natasha had already known that, but until now she'd held out hope that a few more would be found. Seeing them assembled together like this, made the reality of the situation undeniable.

She exchanged a few words with Steve, while Bruce attempted to offer Lila words of comfort. The raccoon, who she'd now learned was called Rocket, introduced himself to Lila too, getting the first smile out of her that Natasha had seen since this ordeal began.

Thor came over, looking more lost than she felt.

"I can't believe he's gone." Thor said, tears falling from his good eye.

Natasha patted his shoulder, she wasn't the only one who'd lost family today. For all that she would've liked to wring Loki's scrawny, godly neck, he was still Thor's brother. And from the way the big guy told it, Loki had sacrificed his own life to save Thor's in the end. Proof that people could do better, could be better if given the chance. She'd done it after all or tried too anyhow. She almost envied Loki, something she could honestly never have imagined before today. But Natasha wished she had been given the chance to save someone else that she loved, would've gladly traded her life for any of her family.

"I'm sorry." Natasha said, patting Thor's shoulder again.

"Me too Natasha." He replied wiping tears from his cheek.

A weighted silence descended over them, everyone too exhausted, too emotionally devastated to do much of anything, until Steve finally declared they needed rest.

No one disagreed.

Natasha bundled Lila away to her apartment near the back of the living quarters wing. It was a moderate sized two-bedroom, clean but utilitarian. There were no decorations on the walls, very few personal effects either. She did have a few books on the shelves, two framed photographs, one of her with the Barton's, another of her and Yelena, and the quilt Laura had crocheted for her draped across the sofa. But not much else, not that Lila seemed to notice or mind. Not now at least.

She immediately went to setting up the spare bedroom with fresh sheets while Lila changed into a pair of Natasha’s pajamas. They took turns in the bathroom, Lila brushing her teeth and washing her face, Natasha scrubbing the grime of the battle from her skin.

She shucked off her tac suit, replacing it with leggings and a t-shirt before padding softly into the spare room that now belonged to Lila.

Lila sat on the edge of the bed, blinking sleepy, sad eyes up at Natasha.

“You’re safe now little bird. Get some rest okay?”

She crawled beneath the covers, while Natasha went to turn down the lights. Just before she shut the door she heard Lila whisper into the dark.

“Stay with me.”

Her voice sounded so small, for a moment it transported Natasha back in time, to so many nights tucking a much younger Lila into bed. Sitting with her until she drifted to sleep, her grip like steel on Natasha's hand.

Natasha moved back into the room, kneeling beside the bed. Tenderly she stroked the wayward strands of dark hair from Lila’s brow.

“For you. Always.” She said, meaning those words with every fiber of her being.

Lila pulled back the covers.

She knew she should go check in with the others, no matter Steve's declaration. There were things that needed to be done, people to call, searches to undertake, protocols to follow. But right now, nothing else mattered except her little bird.

So Natasha climbed into bed beside Lila, letting her snuggle up to her the way she hadn’t since she was small.

And they slept.

Natasha woke hours later, Lila still snoring softly beside her. Carefully she extracted herself from the bed, quietly slipping out into the main area of the apartment that housed the kitchenette, and living room.

After redressing in a fresh tac suit, Natasha asked FRIDAY to alert her as soon as Lila woke. The AI could inform Lila she'd gone to check on the others and keep her company until Natasha returned.

She found the others, in varying states of distress, pacing and arguing in the central control room. To her surprise a new figure was among them.

"Pepper."

The woman turned toward Natasha at the sound of her name, a smile spreading across her tired face.

"Oh Nat, thank god."

Pepper raced over, throwing her arms around Natasha's shoulders. Natasha patted the woman's back as sobs escaped her.

After some consoling and corralling, Natasha finally managed to get a few answers out of her assembled team. Most of which painted an even bleaker picture of their situation.

Fury and Maria Hill had both perished in the snap, a severe blow that struck hard. She'd almost lost Nick once thanks to Hydra. Only then had she realized how much he meant to her, even if he was also the most infuriating man she'd ever met.

All that remained of Fury was a strange, outdated pager flashing an even stranger signal.

And if that wasn’t enough. Pepper, through a steady stream of tears, explained what she knew about Tony, Peter Parker and Doctor Steven Strange. She explained that Strange, keeper of the time stone, had been taken by Thanos' minions, and brave, stupid Tony had gone after him. The the kid went too, as a stowaway. There'd been no communication since well before the snap as FRIDAY and the comms were out of range. Since they knew Thanos had obtained the stone, it seemed an inevitable conclusion that all three had perished in the attempt to protect it. If not then, surely the wilds of space or Thanos' snap had down the trick.

She did her best to comfort Pepper, while her own eyes burned with unshed tears.

Natasha didn't know how much more she could take.

Rocket explained to the group that he was part of a team that called themselves the Guardians of the Galaxy. That like the Avengers, they'd been trying to prevent Thanos from obtaining the stones. The longer he went on, talking about his team and their mission, the more kinship she felt for him, even if he was a talking raccoon. It wasn't the strangest thing she'd seen, not by a long shot. His anguish at not knowing what had become of the rest of his team, added to the burden on her heart, even though she'd never met them.

They were all in the same situation. Everyone had lost.

They spent the next hour bickering about what to do next, Bruce so worked up she feared the green guy might just make an appearance in middle of the control room. They tried to figure out what the pager meant, far as Natasha knew, Fury hadn't had anything like it. But Bruce was convinced that it was some type of beacon or distress signal.

They didn't have to wait long to find out. Because less than a hour later Carol Danvers showed up at their door, or rather in their control room, demanding answers none of them could truly give.

Natasha wasn't sure what to make of the strange woman who, for all intents and purposes, looked human, but was clearly something else entirely. In the end there was only one thing to be done, because if Nick Fury had trusted her, had used his last moments to contact her, that was good enough for Natasha.

No one knew what to do next, so for once, they decided to do nothing at all.

Just for one night.

Tomorrow they would figure out what to do.

For now, exhausted and dejected, hearts heavy they made their way upstairs for the communal living room.

Natasha asked FRIDAY to check in on Lila, and was relieved to learn her little bird was still sleeping soundly in the apartment.

Content in the knowledge that Lila was getting some much needed rest, allowing her brain time to process the trauma of the past days, Natasha sank down onto a sofa.

Steve retrieved several bottles from the liquor cabinet while everyone else slumped into their own seats.

A few minutes later Pepper returned, glass tumblers in hand.

They passed around the liquor, no one saying a word.

Natasha filling her glass with more than a healthy measure of Tony's expensive vodka.

The eight of them, Natasha, Steve, Bruce, Thor, Rhodey, Rocket and Carol drank in silence. Natasha noted that Pepper did not drink, but instead stared vacantly out the large windows. Natasha found herself doing the same, lost in her own grief as it threatened to swallow her whole.

Chapter Text

The next few days were some of the most difficult of Natasha’s life.

The entire world was in shambles, governments collapsing without key members, children orphaned, families desperate for news of loved ones. Power outages, food shortages, looting, hoarding, violence everywhere. Every country, state, territory and city struggling to figure out their next moves.

By one week in, the governments had cobbled together a new world council. Things started progressing then. Census’s were slowly being tallied, food, supplies and medicine were being divvied and distributed, orphaned children were placed in temporary homes, rural towns were evacuated to areas with better access to resources. All around the world, people of all ages, from all walks of life pitched in to do their part, doing whatever they could to make the world run once more.

The remaining Avengers did what they could to help out, but with so few of them left, they could only do so much. But that didn't stop them from stretching themselves to the limits.

Now with a child to take care of, Natasha strictly worked at the compound, doing her best to run things from her place in the control room, while the others went out wherever they were needed. Which seemed to be everywhere. With the world in chaos, there were plenty people taking advantage of the tragedy for their own gains.

Pepper also stayed behind, though she was an absolute wreck, still frantic with worry over Tony’s fate.

Lila for her part, was faring as well as could be expected in the wake of losing her family. She cried often, and spent more hours than necessary sleeping. When she wasn’t asleep she stayed near wherever Natasha was. Always keeping Natasha in her line of sight, as if she was still afraid she might disappear. Natasha learned the hard way to make sure she announced when she was going anywhere that put her out of Lila’s sight, after she found her curled up on the floor, sobbing hysterically when Natasha had gone for a shower without mentioning it first.

At night, they slept in Lila’s bedroom, Lila tucked beneath a pile of blankets, Natasha on top of them. Or rather Lila slept and Natasha lay awake watching her, also secretly afraid she might vanish if she looked away.

Natasha did her best to make sure Lila had what she needed, but she’d never truly realized how hard it was to care, full time, for a child. Even one who was practically a teenager. But she did what she could. She made sure Lila felt safe and loved, that she was always there if Lila needed a shoulder to cry on, or arms to comfort her.

She was grateful to have Pepper around, not just because it was nice to have a friend, but because it turned out she was pretty great with kids. And Lila needed more people she could trust, who would have her best interests at heart. Lila seemed a good distraction for Pepper too. Something the woman desperately needed.

They didn’t talk about Clint, Laura, Nate or Cooper, they didn’t empty the bag of mementos they’d brought from the farm, or look at photos of them. But Natasha hoped that in time, when their wounds weren’t quite so raw, they could do those things. That they could remember together, and heal together.

To her surprise, the thing that seemed to help Lila the most was allowing her to help out with small tasks for the team while Natasha worked.

Ten days after the snap, Natasha was seated at the central control computer, Lila at the monitor to her right, when a communication link flashed on their screens.

"Lila." Natasha said, instructing her to open the link. Lila pressed a series of controls, and a blurred image appeared.

After a moment they could see the inside of Carol's helmet, and through the visor a small ship. The nose was sharp like a birds beak, the wings split into three fins, gold and pale blue etching along the top and sides. She knew, from the description Rocket provided that it was the Milano.

“Natasha, Lila, it’s Carol. I’ve found it.”

Natasha heart slammed into her rib cage, eyes wide. Her voice seemed to stick in her throat. She swallowed hard. But before she found her voice, Lila spoke.

"Are there survivors?" Lila asked, voice trembling.

"Yes."

Relief flooded into her chest as that single word. Surely the survivors were a few of Rocket's team. That was something, but there was a chance it could be the missing Avengers.

Six days ago FRIDAY had found a damaged mission transmission that had gotten lost in the wake of all the power outages. They'd managed to recover it from the depths of her programing, finding a few fragmented sentences from Tony's suit.They'd managed to decipher a few key words.

"Found Guardians. Strange and kid. Titan. Thanos daughter."

And that was it. FRIDAY had been unable to figure out when the transmission was sent, whether it was before or after the snap. What they did know, if the transmission was to be believed, was that somehow Tony, Strange and Peter Parker had met up with the rest of Rocket's team. Which meant that ship could contain any combination of allies.

"Be there soon." Carol said before disconnecting.

Natasha looked to Lila, they stared at each other for a long moment.

"I'll go get Pepper." Lila offered. Natasha nodded, "don't get her hopes up okay?"

"I know."

Then she dashed off.

Still reeling from the news, Natasha barely registered that it was the first time Lila had voluntarily left her side to do anything more than shower or use the bathroom. After minutes of silence she began contacting the rest of the team.

She told herself that it didn't matter who was in that ship, Avengers or Guardians. All that mattered was a few more had survived.

Three hours later, they were all gathered on the front quad, staring up at the sky as a bright blur of light descended toward them. Carol in full cosmic energy mode, with a large ship held above her head like it weighed nothing. Lila squeezed Natasha's hand. And beside her Pepper held her breath. Rocket yelled something about his ship, Thor letting out loud whoop.

Carol landed, carefully setting the ship she was carrying down.

Collectively the team held their breath as the door of the ship opened, the ramp lowered to the grass.

The first person she saw was a blue skinned alien, who looked as much machine as she was a woman. Nebula, Natasha recognized her from Rocket’s descriptions. She was supporting someone else, a cybernetic arm around his too thin waste. She'd seen him looking bad before, but nothing compared to this pale emaciated husk.

"TONY!" Pepper screamed, running forward, Rhodey close on her heels.

The two of them took Tony between them, Pepper sobbing, kissing his face, Rhodey's grip firm around Tony's frail shoulders.

Rocket, head hung made his way over to Nebula, the two conversing in hushed tones. Her gaze slid back to the ship door, a stubborn sliver of hope still residing in her chest. But no one else appeared and that sliver vanished like smoke.

She couldn’t stop a pang in her heart, because it meant that Stephen Strange, Peter Parker and the four members of Rocket’s team were gone. Two out of eight had survived. It was supposed to be half, not a quarter.

"It's better than nothing."

Natasha started as Thor sidled up beside them. She exhaled slowly, then nodded.

"You're right. I'm grateful to have them."

Lila squeezed her hand, somehow the stronger of the two of them in this moment. Thor strode forward, with a big grin at Tony who was being embraced by Banner, before he strode from Rocket and Nebula.

Steve patted Tony on the shoulder, Bruce wiping at his wet cheeks, Carol looking on from a little distance away.

Holding Lila’s hand, fingers laced together, they approached. Tony, still supported between Rhodey and Pepper, offered her a sad knowing smile as he glanced from her to Lila. He clearly understood what her presence meant.

“It’s really good to see you Tony.” She said, meaning it with ever fiber of her being.

No matter how often they'd butted heads, or how infuriating his ego could be, Tony was a friend.

“You too Nat."

Natasha felt an overwhelming wave of emotion hit her as she looked up at him, gaunt and feeble, but alive.

"And little Hawkeye too. You keeping her in line?" Tony asked Lila, managing a smile through his pain.

"Always." Lila said with little smile of her own.

She lightly bumped into Natasha's side, as if knowing she needed a little push. Natasha released Lila's hand and stepped forward. Rhodey moved away, Pepper taking Tony's weight until Natasha slid in on his now vacant side, her arm going around Tony's back. He leaned into her.

"Miss me, Agent Romanoff?" Tony muttered, mimicking words for what felt like a lifetime ago.

"Yeah, I really did."

Chapter Text

 Before they knew it, a month had passed. Then two.

They’d gone to space to find Thanos and the stones, only to discover that he had destroyed them. With one swing of his axe, Thor ended it. And just like that, any chance they’d had to fix things was gone.

From there, all they could do was try to find a way to move forward.

Five weeks after Carol flew Tony and Nebula to earth, another spacecraft landed directly onto the front quads.

To everyone’s surprise, Thor’s most of all, several dozen Asgardians and a few aliens spilled out, all a little worse for wear, but alive. A good number of them managed to escape the ship Thanos attacked, but then after the snap, only half of their numbers remained. But it was still more than any of them had expected.

Thor introduced them to his friends, Mick and Korg, and then the rest of his people. But the biggest surprise came when a woman clad in armor, her dark hair braided back came hurdling out of the ship. Not toward Thor, but Bruce, who greeted her warmly. Natasha was quickly introduced to Valkyrie, and even she couldn’t help feeling a little intimated.

Over the next week, Tony and Thor were able to establish a new settlement for the Asgardians that they named New Asgard.

They learned that Pepper was pregnant. Two months to be exact. Suddenly Natasha understood her frantic hysterics when they hadn’t known Tony’s fate. It was a tiny miracle, a little shining beacon of hope in the darkness, this new little person they’d have in their midst.

To Natasha’s surprise, the news of Pepper’s pregnancy had a profound effect on Lila. She was delighted by the idea of a baby. For the first time since the snap, Lila began talking about her mother and Nate with Pepper. She helped decorate a nursery, full to bursting with pastel colors and entirely too much Stark tech for a baby.

Pepper seemed equally delighted to spend time with Lila. Doting on her like she was her own flesh and blood. It warmed Natasha’s heart seeing the new bond being forged between them.

And not just them, but all the remaining team members.

Tony and Steve, Rhodey and Nebula, Rocket, Bruce and Thor. Her and Carol.

The Avengers had been a team, dysfunctional and messy as they’d been. But now it really felt like they were a family. Bound by more than blood.

Natasha missed Clint every single day. She missed Laura and the kids, Wanda, Vision, Sam, and Bucky too. She knew she always would.

But she still had this family. She still had her little bird.

Chapter Text

More weeks passed.

Late spring gave way to summer. Lila enjoyed the sunshine. It felt good to bask in the warmth, to lay on the lawns and stare up at ever shifting cloud.

Time passed strangely now, the world slowly moved forward and they all did too. They fell into rhythms and patterns, their strange little group finding its way in this new world. Lila learned how to adapt, and as time went on, she found herself smiling more and more. She felt immensely inspired every day as she watched the people around her rebuild the world.

Tony, with Bruce’s help, reestablished Stark Industries as a food manufacturer, using technology and a variation of gamma radiation to grow and harvest crops now that there wasn’t a labor force for it.

Rocket, Nebula, Carol and a team of Asgardian’s, who’d arrived by ship shortly after Tony and Nebula, took shifts flying to various planets to help out where they could.

Okoye, now the leader of Wakanda, opened their borders to thousands of displaced people from all across Africa. She sent the Dora Milaje all across the world to relocate people in hard to reach remote and rural areas, bringing them into larger cities where supplies were more accessible.

Rhodey and Steve worked with what remained of the United Nations, and world governments. They helped to establish new systems, revised governments and developed world policy to keep the remaining population safe, housed, and fed.

Natasha established and ran the A-team. She kept track of high level criminals and other security threats. She set up a hotline available to the general population to use in case of emergencies. The Avengers were no longer underground, but out there for the world to see. And for once, they truly seemed to appreciate it.

Pepper, getting bigger by the day, did her part by keeping things within the compound running. Making sure supplies were replenished, meals were cooked, things were cleaned, and no one was blowing anything up. Mostly she just kept Tony’s AI systems in check to do the bulk of the work while she managed the team’s finances from her office.

Lila, for her part did what she could, ran errands, monitored their comm lines, and did whatever tasks the others needed. Mostly she spent her time helping Auntie Nat, or Pepper.

In June, Nat filed the paperwork to become Lila’s official guardian.

In July, she started seventh grade through an online school program for gifted students.

Life went on.

---

Lila enjoyed school, well not school exactly, but learning.

She loved to learn.

Starting seventh grade felt both completely normal and ridiculously strange. She’d never done school online before, but quickly found she liked it. Her teachers sent video lectures and online notes for basic subjects, math, English, history, sciences and social studies. She was provided reading materials and assignments based on skill level rather than grade level. But best of all, Lila was allowed to choose additional subjects and materials that interested her.

Lila quickly discovered that learning while living with so many extraordinary people opened up a ridiculous amount of opportunity.
It started with Bruce when she’d needed help with a single chemistry assignment that quickly became him teaching her not only chemistry, but biology and basic physics too. Way beyond what was needed for her school, but Lila loved it.

Then it was asking Steve for help with her WWII history assignments, which turned into weekly history lessons.

Rhodey helped her with politics and world government.

Pepper worked with her on English assignments.

Thor taught her about mythologies, gods and the nine realms.

Rocket taught her about space, about the different planets and their people.

Nebula gave lessons in astronomy.

Tony helped her with technology and mechanics.

Auntie Nat taught her languages. They started with French. Her mother had known French, Nat knew French, her father had known enough to get by and Cooper had been taking a basic class at his high school. Lila wanted to have that too, that link with her family.

Lila loved learning, but beyond enjoying it, it gave her something to work at, something to focus on, and a weird sense of normalcy in the chaos.

By mid-August, six weeks into the term, when it became clear that Lila thrived on learning from the team, Natasha called her school to discuss their options. Lila had almost fallen out of her seat from laughter, as Nat explained, on speaker phone, that Lila was the child of an Avenger, lived with the Avengers and was now being taught by them. The school official could only splutter at that.

In sixth grade she’d had a schedule of classes, shuffling from classroom to classroom, each subject with a different teacher. Now she went from labs to offices to space ships for her lessons. And instead of teachers she had Avengers.

The educational director, dumbfounded to say the least, eventually came around. He worked with Nat and Lila on an online/homeschool hybrid program just for her.

And it worked.

It was strange still, her new life, with Auntie Nat and the others, the weird team of people that were basically like a family, Lila was starting to think of them that way too.

It didn’t stop her from missing her parents or her brothers, didn’t stop the nights she cried herself to sleep, or stared at the photos on their wall or practically crawled into Natasha’s lap to cuddle, though she was nearly the same size as her now. It didn’t stop the grief, or the pain or the heartache.

But Lila knew how lucky she was. She’d lost more than most when Thanos snapped his gauntlet, but she also gained more than most too.

She was grateful for the people around her, aliens and humans, superhumans and gods, grateful for this new life, this second chance.

Chapter Text

Lila turned thirteen the first week of September. The weather was still decent enough, the sun still shining, though a chill had started to creep in.

Truthfully she’d been dreading her birthday for weeks. It would be the first major event since her parents, brothers and half the world disappeared. Lila had never spent a birthday or holiday without them, and now she’d never get to spend another one with them again.

The three days leading up to her birthday, Lila didn’t leave the apartment. She lay around, watched movies that reminded her of her family and stared at old photos on her phone. She ate her weight in ice cream, and told FRIDAY to play her most depressing playlist on repeat. She polished her bow, the one she’d been holding when her family snapped, it was the first time she’d touched it since coming to the compound. She listened to old voicemail messages left by her dad on Nat’s phone, and watched online video footage of the Avengers, just to see him again.

And she cried.

Quiet tears that slid down her face, great wracking sobs that shook her entire body and everything in between. Lila cried until her eyes burned, her cheeks were raw, her lungs ached.

But eventually her pain gave way, her tears dried up, and she found a way to breathe again.

Through it all, Natasha remained a solid, steady, constant presence. She didn’t crowd Lila, or coddle her, she didn’t tell her to calm or quiet, didn’t try to offer comfort or reassurance. Nat simply stayed nearby, not hovering exactly, but making sure Lila knew she was there if needed. Going so far as to set up a temporary office in the apartment across the hall, working there during the day, allowing Lila the time and space she needed while remaining close by.

In the evenings she returned, made Lila’s favorite comfort foods for dinner and sat herself on the sofa with a book.

On the third night, Lila flopped down beside her.

Without hesitation, she shifted her position, though still reading, in a way Lila took to be an invitation.

She lay down, her head resting in Auntie Nat’s lap. Nat adjusted her hold on the book, transferring it to one hand, her now free hand moving to run through Lila’s hair.

Closing her eyes, a few stray tears slid down her cheeks, but Lila didn’t try to wipe them away. She just stayed there, basking in the the warmth of being comforted, and slowly felt herself drift off to sleep.

Sometime later she was nudged out of sleep by Natasha’s voice.

“Hey little bird, think it’s time for bed.”

Lila mumbled sleepily, rubbing at her eyes.

“It’s just after one. I didn’t want to wake you, but we’ll both be sorry if we sleep on the sofa.”

That was true. They’d slept on it several times already, after each time Lila felt like an old lady instead of a teenager. She really should ask if they could get a nicer one. Maybe she could ask for that for her birthday.

Lila sat bolt upright, turning wide eyes toward Auntie Nat as the realization slammed into her.

“It’s my birthday.”

“It is.”

Lila blinked a few times, trying to work out how she felt about that.

It was her birthday; she wouldn’t officially be thirteen until 5:37 tonight, but still. Today was the day, and maybe it was the grief she’d already felt these past days, or the remnants of sleep, but Lila didn’t feel quite so sad anymore. It was still there, and maybe it wouldn’t ever go away. Not really. Her family was gone, but she had a new family too, they weren’t a replacement, but they were still good.

When Lila was small, she’d loved the Disney movie Lilo and Stitch. And not just because she almost shared a name with the girl in the movie. One year she’d even dressed up as the Hawaiian girl for Halloween, toting around an oversized Stitch stuffie that Natasha had bought her. She hadn't thought about that movie in a years, but it came back to her just then. She thought about the similarities between them. In the movie, Lilo was an orphan, just like Lila was. She had a big sister to look after her, and Lila had an Auntie Nat. Then she thought of Stitch, who was basically just like Rocket. That thought made her smile.

“What’s that smile for?” Nat asked.

“Do you remember the Disney movie, Lilo and Stitch, the one I was obsessed with when I was like five?”

Natasha smiled that big cheesy grin that Lila was pretty sure no one outside of her immediate family ever saw.

“How could I forget that? You made me watch it every time I came over that entire year.”

Lila rolled her eyes.

“Yeah well it’s a good movie. I was just thinking about how much it’s like my life now. You know parallels and all that.”

The smile faded from Natasha’s face as she considered it.

“You know Rocket does remind me a bit of Stitch.” Nat finally said, smirking.

“Exactly! And you know aliens and stuff.”

“Yeah, that too.”

Lila swallowed hard, her eyes burning.

“And Lilo, she lost her family too. But she also found a new one. It was different, but still good. She had a sister and friends and aliens. And I pretty much have that too, plus a god, and a super solider, and a hulk.”

Natasha reached over and stroked Lila's cheek.

“This is my family. It’s little, and broken, but still good.” Natasha said, repeating a line Stitch used in the movie.

Lila noticed tears glistening in Natasha’s eyes.

“Yeah. Still good.” Lila echoed, finishing the line.

Lila took Auntie Nat’s hand and squeezed it.

“We should get some sleep. Our little family might be planning a few big birthday surprises for you later today. But if you aren’t up for it, I’ll tell them to hold off. They’ll understand. Think about it, you can tell me at breakfast. Now, bed.”

Lila nodded. Sniffling slightly.

Before she shut the door to her room she heard Natasha say, “love you little bird.”

“Love you too Auntie Nat.”

Lila thought about what Natasha had said until she drifted off to sleep.

---

Over chocolate chip and blueberry pancakes later that morning, Lila said, “I’m excited that it’s my birthday.”

Natasha looked up from her own syrup drenched pancakes with a raised eyebrow.

“And I’m excited to see what everyone has planned. It will be different, but that’s okay.”

“Yeah? Are you sure?”

“Positive.”

“Good. Then finish your breakfast and get ready, the fun starts soon.”

The fun, as it turned out, started with Tony’s gift. An Olympic sized, fully heated, swimming pool. Lila loved to swim, had learned from her mom in the lake near the farmhouse. They’d spent many sunny afternoons in the cool water, or lounging on the banks.

They had something of a pool party after that. FRIDAY played music through the speakers, a table full of snacks was brought out by Thor, laden with some of her favorites, mini powder sugar donuts, cinnamon sugar coated almonds, white cheddar popcorn, and caramel covered apples. Miraculously, there was also a variety of fresh fruit, things they hadn’t been able to find in months. Fresh cut pineapple, mango slices, huge sweet cherries and juicy peaches.

Pepper handed Lila a small wrapped package. She instantly tore into it. Inside she found two swimsuits, one sized for her, and another much, much tinier one both with a pattern of pineapples.

“You can use yours today, but then when she’s here you can match. I thought it would be cute.” Pepper said, rubbing a hand over her large belly.

“I can’t wait. Thanks.” Lila said giving Pepper a hug.

When she returned from changing into the new suit she found everyone in the pool except for Rocket who apparently wasn’t fond of water, and Nebula who’d only rolled up her pants to dip her toes into the water.

They swam and soaked, then played a game of volleyball which turned out to be a bit unreasonable dangerous with Thor around. Slowly the pool emptied, abandoned in favor of snacks and sun. It was slightly chilly out, but Tony had installed large heating panels around the pool area that kept the cool air away.

Lila dried off, then tied her hair up in a messy bun. Natasha tossed her an over sized shirt to slip on before donning one of her own which featured a very cartoonish depiction of Captain America, Thor and Ironman. Lila snorted loudly. Then at Natasha's smirk she looked down at the image of Black Widow on her own. Except this one wasn’t a cartoon rendering, it was Nat’s face. On a shirt.

She laughed so hard strawberry lemonade came out of her nose. Still laughing she made her way inside to clean her face and hands of the sticky stuff.

When she returned, a three-tiered cake sat in middle of the snacks table. It was leaning to one side and all three tiers were decorated in a chaotic jumble of multicolored icing. Clearly who ever had decorated had no experience, but Lila liked it better because of that. It didn’t matter that the borders were mismatched or that the icing seemed melted in places, or that the lettering of her name was barely legible. It only mattered that they’d done it out of love.

That’s when she noticed that everyone was now wearing purple party hats, ridiculous oversized plastic sunglasses, and paper sashes that read HAPPY THIRTEENTH BIRTHDAY.

Her throat constricted with emotion, she blinked away tears looking around that them all.

It was Rhodey who started to sing first, the others quickly joining in as Steve lit the candles on the top of the cake. Lila hurried forward, trying not to laugh as Thor belted out the final words of the birthday song.

Lila paused at the cake, then she blew out the candles.

But she didn’t make a wish, not really, it was more of a hope.

She hoped that wherever her parents and brothers were, the afterlife or heaven or whatever, that they were watching over her, looking down on the scene and smiling.

They stuffed themselves with cake, which turned out to be absolutely delicious, despite the way it looked. She found out that Steve had baked it using his mother’s recipe. While Rocket and Thor had been responsible for the decorations.

She opened half a dozen gifts, a fancy lab coat and goggles from Bruce, a space tech utility knife gadget Nebula built for her, a set of books by her favorite author from Thor which just happened to be about Norse Mythology. She barely managed to keep from laughing because he clearly had no idea. Nat shot her a wink, which clearly meant she’d been behind it.

Rocket built her a special device that looked like a bracelet, but actually displayed holographic projections, facts and information about different planets and their people. Steve gave her a polaroid camera that printed out the photos as they were taken. The large gift bag Rhodey handed her included several pairs of workout style leggings, a few tank tops with funny phrases, a new pair of sneakers and a thermos water bottle. She was a little confused, but he just said “trust me, you’ll need it.”

After the party died down, and the food was gone, Nat pulled her aside.

“I still have to give you my present. It’s inside.”

Lila followed her until they stopped at a door she’d never noticed before not that that was surprising since she never really came into this wing which housed the various training facilities,

“Ready?”

Lila nodded.

“Press your hand to the scanner.”

She obeyed. The screen turned blue, and FRIDAY’S voice sounded.

“Welcome Lila. Happy Birthday.”

The door slid open, the lights in the room coming on. Lila stepped inside, eyes wide, lungs suddenly devoid of air.

It was a full equipped archery range.

The workout clothing made a lot more sense now.

“I know you haven’t shot since that day, but one day you’re going to want to shoot again. I wanted you to have a place when that time comes, this range is yours. As you can see Tony’s been hard at work designing a few training bows for you.” She gestured to the wall of bows. “He can adjust draw and length as you need. I also brought your dad’s bow down here, the one I took from the farm house.”

Lila saw it, hanging in pride of place on the rack.

“This was a gift from everyone, but there is something from me too.”

Natasha turned to Lila, holding out a tiny wrapped package.

Fingers trembling slightly Lila tore the paper away to reveal a black box.

Inside she found a data chip dangling form a necklace chain.

Lila looked up at Natasha, not understanding.

“Your dad taught me a few basics with a bow, but it’s not my best weapon. He tried to teach Steve too he's decent enough. Rhodey knows a few things, but I thought you needed a proper teacher.”

Lila worked hard to swallow the lump in her throat. Her father was supposed to be her teacher, was supposed to be the one training her in this thing they shared a passion for. It was why she hadn’t shot since he disappeared, she couldn’t fathom doing it without him.

“When we worked for SHIELD in the early days, before you were even born, your dad taught archery. It was mandatory for senior agents to teach classes for the junior agents, and of course he chose that. Beginner stuff at first, but he had a few agents who did well so he taught more advanced classes too, and they were all recorded.”

Lila sucked in a breath. Too afraid to hope.

“Well, after a lot of hacking and sifting through the literal bowels of the internet, I found them. All of them.”

The little data chip suddenly held so weight. She clutched the box to her chest.

“Rhodey, Steve or I will be here to supervise, but I wanted him to be the one to train you.”

Still clutching the box, Lila threw herself into Natasha’s arms.

“Thank you.” She said through a sob.

“Happy birthday little bird.”

Chapter Text

Late one afternoon, in early October, Natasha stood in their little apartment kitchen staring at the electric kettle, lost in her melancholy, while waiting for it to boil. She'd been thinking about Clint a lot more the past few days, Laura too if she was honest. Natasha missed them so much, this loss and grief thing were still so new to her. She'd lived a lot of lives, people and things came and went, nothing permanent. Not until Clint. Clint with his gruff voice and his crooked smile, the deep lines of a hard life etched across his skin. Clint who'd looked into her eyes and seen something more than a Widow. Someone worth a damn. Clint, who'd given her another chance, a new life, and eventually a home. In all of Natasha's lives, she'd never really know grief, not until Thanos snapped away so much of her heart.

Lost in her reverie Natasha didn't hear the door to the apartment open, or someone's approach until a hand landed on her shoulder.

Natasha whirled around, eyes wide, fists raised. She swung without thinking. Lila jumped back missing the blow.

"Woah. Sorry, I called your name but you didn't respond." Lila said her hands up in surrender.

Guilt washed over Natasha as she lowered her fists.

"I should be the one apologizing I almost hurt you."

"I'm fine. Besides I can take a punch now. You know that." Lila said with a little grin, though something about it seemed a little forced.

Natasha rolled her eyes. She still wasn't convinced that allowing Lila to partake in sparring sessions was a good idea. But she did need to know how to defend herself, and Natasha trusted Steve not take things too far.

Instead of replying she turned to the now boiling kettle.

“How did planting go in the new greenhouse?” Natasha asked.

“Um, it was good. Still have a lot left to do, but it’s pretty fun working with Pepper.” Lila replied.

Natasha poured hot water into her steaming mug. Then she opened the fridge, pulled out a carton of milk and added a splash as she said, “I’m glad to hear it. I have absolutely no gardening skills, but I'm glad she can teach you. Your mom would be happy to know you're developing a green thumb. You know how she loved to garden."

She said it casually, something she'd found herself doing more lately. Things about Clint or Laura, or the boys just slipping out. It hurt every single time, but it was no longer the agony of those first months.

Natasha stirred the tea, glancing over to where Lila was leaning against the counter, a strained expression on her face, though she was trying to hide it.

She knew Lila was still struggling to openly speak about her family, Natasha didn't fault her for it. 

"Sorry bird. Hey, do you want some tea? Or I could make cocoa?"

Lila shook her head, “thanks. But I’m okay.”

Natasha hummed in reply, bringing the mug to her lips, sipping slowly. Out of the corner of her eye she watched Lila lean further into the counter, trying for a casual, nonchalant sort of pose. Not that she ever stood a chance when Natasha knew her so well. She set the mug down again and fixed her full attention on Lila, carefully scrutinizing her face.

Lila cleared her throat, opened her mouth, then closed it again.

“Hey, what is it?” Nat asked walking over to her.

Natasha reached out, cupping Lila’s cheek.

“Auntie Nat..." Lila whispered, voice trembling. "I was wondering if we could maybe go through that bag I brought from the farm.”

Tears instantly stung behind Natasha’s eyes but she swallowed them down.

“Of course we can baby. If you're ready.”

“Yeah?"

Natasha nodded.

"Well I think I am. Ready I mean. And maybe, would it be okay if we put up some of the photos? I just, I don’t wanna forget.” Lila said, a few tears slipping down her cheeks.

“We’ll put up as many as you want. We can even get some of the ones from your phone printed. I have some good one of your dad. We can do those too.” Natasha said staring into Lila’s dark brown eyes, so much like Laura's. Then in a much softer voice she added, “I don’t want to forget either.”

---

“Ready?” Natasha asked her voice rough with emotion.

“I think so.” Lila replied, looking just as nervous as Natasha felt.

Slowly she unzipped the bag currently sitting on their kitchen counter. Lila leaned a little closer to her, their shoulders pressed together as they peered into the bag. On the very top lay a stuffed wolf, faded and dirty from years of love.

Tears immediately welled behind Natasha’s eyes.

Lila reached for it her hands shaking furiously. She carefully lifted the toy out, biting at her bottom lip as she hugged it tightly to her chest.

Tears slid down Natasha's cheeks, she swiped at them, but it was futile. Beside her, Lila began to shake with silent sobs.

Natasha wrapped her arms around her, crushing Lila to her chest and holding tight. As if she might be able to physically keep her from falling apart with the strength of her grip.

After a time Lila stopped shaking, one arm snaking around Natasha’s waist as she burrowed her face into the crook of her neck, the toy still pressed between them. She felt Lila breathe in, deep and trembling. She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, but eventually Lila pulled back setting the toy on the counter and scrubbing harshly at her eyes.

“I’m okay.”

It was a lie and they both knew it. Natasha decided it was best not to comment on it. Neither of them were okay, they probably never would be, not wholly anyway. But they were going to do their best.

Natasha waited for Lila to move. She watched her take a deep breath, saw the resolve settle over her, fists clenching and unclenching, determination hardening dark eyes. It was such a characteristically Clint action. Natasha swallowed hard at the swell of emotion threatening to consume her.

Lila reached back into the bag. The rest of Nate’s things came out, followed by Cooper's, an old tac suit of Clint’s, two flannel shirts, two sweaters, a stack of letters, Clint’s glasses, Laura’s perfume. She separated and spread them out on the counter while Natasha watched heart in her throat.

Lila pulled out a box filled with photos and set it beside the smaller shoebox Natasha had taken from her own room at the farm. Years and years of memories were relegated to a single countertop.

Natasha stepped closer, clearing her throat, but then Lila spoke up.

“Wait.”

She halted mid-step. Lila took the now empty duffle from the counter, but instead of setting it aside, she fumbled with it. Natasha heard the slid of a zipper, and a moment later Lila dropped the bag to the floor. Lila set something else on the counter, two things actually, rings. Natasha knew them both well. She’d helped Clint pick out that amethyst ring, and the black one had been a gift she'd given him. She’d given Laura a matching necklace too, the same engraving on each. Though she had no way to know for certain, she suspected that Laura had been wearing that necklace when she’d vanished. Laura always wore that necklace.

Her hand went to her own neck, calloused fingers skimming bare skin. Lost in memory, Natasha didn’t notice the hand Lila held out to her until she said, "I thought you might want this.”

She started slightly, taking a moment to register the words. Finally, she looked down.

Natasha sucked in a raged breath.

Another necklace rested in Lila’s open palm. A dainty silver chain with an arrow directly in the center.

Clint and Laura had given her the necklace years ago, before Nate and Lila, when Cooper was barely more than a chubby-cheeked baby. And like Laura she’d worn it every day for most of those. She remembered the day like it was yesterday.

She was sitting on the porch swing beside Laura, Clint across from them in the rocker.

“We have something for you. I know you don’t really like gifts, but it’s your birthday and we wanted to do it.”

“I don’t know my birthday.” Natasha replied.

“I know, but this is the day we picked to celebrate, remember?”

And of course, Laura was right. Together they’d chosen a day that would be Natasha’s birthday. It wasn’t the day Clint decided to spare her or her first day (unofficial or official) at SHIELD, it wasn’t even the first day she’d come to the farm. Instead, it was the day, two weeks after Clint had found her, saved her really, the day she’d decided to be Natasha Romanoff, instead of Natalia Romanova.

Natasha opened the small box a little hesitantly, blinking down at the dainty piece of jewelry. The first one she could ever truly call her own.

“To remind you that Clint is always with you even when he isn’t. And because an arrow will always point you home.” Laura had told her with a heart-stopping smile.

She’d worn the necklace every day, until after the Sokovian accords went to hell and she’d had to go on the run. Yelena had teased her about it with an all too knowing grin. After Dreykov and the Widow's Natasha decided it wasn't safe to wear it. It exposed too much of who she was and what she loved. Shortly after escaping from Secretary Ross and his minions, Natasha had made the trip to the farm. That’s when she’d taken it off and pressed it back into Laura’s hands.

“Keep it safe until I can come home for real.”

With trembling fingers, Natasha took the necklace out of Lila’s hand.

“How did you know?” She finally asked, one finger tracing the tiny arrow.

“I found it in mom’s jewelry box. I knew it was yours, and that it was special, so I took it.” Lila told her softly.

Natasha studied the arrow for a few moments trying to decipher the swirl of emotions at the sight of it. Tears were falling again, hot and fast, she blinked them back while putting the necklace on.

“Why did mom have it?” Lila asked, hesitantly, uncertainty lacing her tone.

Natasha let out a slow breath. She couldn’t say she was surprised by the question. Of course, she had. Lila wasn’t a little kid anymore, she saw things, understood things. It was natural she had questions, hell, Natasha still had unanswered questions. Of course, she could skirt around the truth, it wasn't as if anything had been concrete anyway. The kids had always known her as Auntie Nat. Someone important and special, someone they loved, and who loved them. Who was a part of their family even if not by blood. But things had been much more complicated than that between Natasha, Clint and Laura.

Natasha's gaze strayed to the shoe box again, trying to decide what to tell her. The truth, of course, but how much?

“When the accords went bad, I asked your mom to keep it safe for me, until I could come back. It was,” Natasha swallowed, then added, “it was supposed to be a promise, that I would come home to her, to your dad, to all of you.” She almost choked on the words.

“Oh.” Lila breathed.

And then, because she was her father’s daughter, both completely blunt and perceptive to a fault, she asked, “did you love them? Mom and dad I mean."

Natasha hesitated, then gave a slow nod.

“Yeah, little bird. I did."

“And they loved you, like that I mean?”

Lila phrased it as a question, but Natasha knew it wasn’t, not really. Because she could see the truth of it in those dark eyes, the realization, and understanding.

“Were you…” Lila trailed off, gesturing awkwardly.

Natasha chuckled, rubbing a hand across her face to get rid of the last of the tears.

“Let’s sit for this.” She said, stalling to give herself time to compose her thoughts.

They each took one of the bar stools at the counter. Natasha gathered her courage and faced Lila.

“I loved them both. I still do. More than I ever thought I was capable of. And you’ve already figured out that I mean I loved them romantically though I loved them as friends and then family first.” Natasha hesitated before continuing. "Your dad gave me my life, he believed in me and supported me, he was the first person to ever look at me and see someone worth something. Over the years those bonds shifted and deepened to something else."

Lila nodded in understanding.

"But neither of us acknowledged it until your mom practically beat us over the heads for being so stupid." Natasha chuckled at the memory, Lila grinning back at her.

"That’s when your dad and I admitted we loved each other. But I want you to understand Lila, nothing more ever happened between your dad and me, not like that. He was absolutely devoted to your mom.”

Lila nodded. “I didn’t think he cheated on her if that’s what you mean. He wouldn’t do that. And you wouldn’t do that.”

Natasha felt her shoulders relax just a bit at that. She had considered the possibility that Lila might think that, that she might be angry and resent Natasha or worse.

“And plus you said you loved them both right? So I wondered if maybe all three of you were like, you know together, like a couple, but um, three people? That’s a thing you know.” Lila said, clearly uncomfortable and awkward even suggesting it, the way only a preteen girl could be when talking about such things.

Natasha smiled at her.

“No, we weren’t. But if I’m being honest, I think maybe it might’ve happened, if things had been different. If the accords hadn't forced us apart.” Natasha said, the words laced with regret.

She wondered if sharing this with Lila was too much, but the truth was that she didn’t want secrets between them. They were the only family the other had left, and she didn’t want that to involve lies.

“So what about mom?” Lila asked, clearly still wanting to know more.

“Well, it happened slower with your mom. But I remember the first time that I knew. It was when I came to the farm after the United Nation's bombing. Do you remember that at all?”

Lila nodded. “Yeah, I do. You didn't stay very long but I was so happy because you watched me shooting."

"I always loved to watch you shoot with your dad." Natasha said with a wistful smile.

“Well, on that visit when I was getting ready to leave, I came downstairs and your mom was baking, and the sun was shining through the window on her. She turned and smiled at me. That’s when it hit me. That I was in love with her too.” Natasha said fingering the necklace at her throat.

“Did you tell her?”

“I didn’t. I wish more than anything that I had.”

Her voice cracked, and Lila reached out and laced their fingers together.

“Thanks for telling me the truth.” Lila said.

Natasha squeezed her hand.

“Thank you for understanding, and for the necklace. I thought it was gone.”

“I’m just glad I found it. And I got those rings too. I wanted their wedding rings but they were wearing them. That black one dad used to wear a lot, and it says something inside but I don’t know what.”

Natasha let go of Lila’s hand to reach for it. She ran her fingers over the smooth outer surface and the engraving on the inside.

“I gave this to him. The inscription is in Russian. Мы едины. The literal translation is ‘we are one.’ It's used as a way to encompass everything from being a team to being a family. It seemed fitting.”

“Мы едины.” Lila repeated clumsily.

Natasha repeated the phrase, slower, sounding it out. Lila copied her.

“I like it. Hey, maybe now that I’m getting pretty good at French you could teach me Russian next. I know you’ve told me that your life in Russia was pretty terrible and scary, but it’s part of you. So maybe I could learn that to share with you. Would that be okay?” Lila looked up at her with a hopeful expression that made Natasha's heart grow at least three sizes.

Early in her partnership with Clint, he’d asked her almost the same thing. He’d wanted to know her mother language too, to share that with her. She’d taught him some phrases, though he wasn’t great with languages he’d put the effort in to learn, just for her.

“Yeah, I would like that.”

Lila smiled. But it faded almost as fast.

“What is it?”

Lila gestured toward the items spread over the table.

“I just wish they could be here to share this with us too.”

“I know. Me too. But we’re going to put all of this up, we’re going to remember, and they’ll be here with us in spirit. We'll put these photos up, and we'll talk about them, and remember. Then they will always be with us.”

“Yeah..." Lila said uncertainly, then a little firmer, "yeah, you're right. Let's do it.”

After that they got to work.

They hung pictures and set up little displays for each of their family members above the electric fireplace. Lila painted a name above each one, and they filled the shelves with the items from the farm and a few other things Natasha had collected over the years. A beaded bracelet Cooper made her, one of Laura’s feather quill pens, drawings Nate had done, Clint’s dog tags. Natasha went through the shoebox of old letters and photos. They folded Clint’s tac suit to put on his shelf and hung Cooper's hoodie below his. They turned their walls into an artful array of photographs, finding the perfect place for each one.

By the time they finished, they were both exhausted and emotionally drained. They slumped together on the sofa, Lila in one of Laura's sweaters, Natasha's in Clint's flannel. Natasha stared around, thinking that for the first time the apartment actually felt like a home. 

Chapter Text

Eight months after the snap, on a Tuesday near the middle of November, after several false alarms, and nearly seven hours of slow contractions, Pepper’s water broke in the middle of the kitchen. Natasha thought there would’ve been less chaos if the entire compound was on fire.

Pepper's labor and contractions progressed quickly from there.

The men of the house scrambled around, Rocket and Bruce prepping a quinjet, Rhodey loading bags, Thor running around shouting in excitement. Steve turned a sickly shade of green after seeing the puddle on the floor before promptly fainting, while Tony generally freaked out about impending fatherhood.

Nebula and Carol were both away, leaving Lila and Natasha to assist Pepper the best they could.

Natasha, being the only person in the house to have witnessed active labor and birth, twice in fact, was the one to realize they wouldn’t make it to the hospital. Since the snap only a about a third of the medical facilities in the US had been revived, and only a fraction of those boasted maternity wards. The nearest one was nearly three hours away. They could chance it, but even in the quinjet Natasha didn't think it was worth the risk. The whole situation brought on a flood of memories.

Though Nate had been born in the hospital, without Natasha's presence, something she still greatly regretted. Both Cooper and Lila had been born in the farmhouse with the assistance of a midwife. Clint had been a nervous wreck both times, his usual composure abandoned. It was Natasha who’d kept a cool head, who’d watched the midwife with clinical precision, who’d coached Laura while Clint offered up his hand with a giddy, nervous smile.

They got Pepper to the communal living room, Natasha ordering Thor and Rocket to get supplies from the lab. Tony hovered and fretted, but was ultimately unhelpful.

Thankfully Pepper kept her composure through it all, taking everything in stride with a cool head the way she usually did. Less than two hours after her water broke, based on the length and timing of her contractions Natasha guessed her to be in the very late stages of active labor.

Lila did her best to coach Pepper through breathing exercises she’d watched her practice while Natasha, with Rhodey hovering nearby reading instructions from a tablet, checked Pepper. As expected she was almost fully dilated.

“You’re nearly there. You’ll need to push soon.” Natasha told her.

“Are you sure? God we didn’t plan for this.” Pepper said through gritted teeth.

“Romanoff?” Tony said, stopping his pacing to look down at her, still kneeling at Pepper’s feet.

That single word they held an entire conversation, a credit to how far they’d come over the years.

Baby’s coming fast.

Have you delivered a baby before?

No, but I can do this.

I trust you.

They will both be okay.

Tony knelt beside Pepper, his manic energy finally faded. He smoothed back sweat slick hair, kissed her forehead. They shared a smile.

Rhodey ushered Lila back into the kitchen where Thor and Rocket were already waiting like anxious mother hens.

Bruce returned with more supplies. Natasha checked Pepper again.

Fourty-five minutes later, with a scream from Pepper, an excited shout from Tony, and a collective sigh of relief from Bruce and Natasha, Morgan Virginia Stark came into the world with a flourish that put even her father to shame.

She had Pepper’s eyes and Tony’s nose, a full head of dark hair and lungs that could rival the sound barrier.

They cleaned her up, Tony cut the umbilical cord, Bruce measured and weighed her.

Pepper cried as tiny Morgan was placed against her chest, Tony was glowing brighter than the ARC reactor in his chest. Natasha and Bruce left to clean up, and give the new little family a few moments to themselves.

It didn’t last long.

An hour later, the entire team was in the living room, Morgan passed from one pair of arms to the next.

Even Rocket who wasn’t that much bigger than the baby sat on the couch, cradling her to his furry body, after Rhodey placed her in his arms.

She blinked sleepily, staring up at him and giving a soft sort of coo before drifting off again.

“That’s it kid. You just go back to sleep. Uncle Rocket ain’t gonna let nothing happen to ya.”

Natasha couldn’t hide her smile at his words. She knew he meant it too. For all of his bluster and bravado, Rocket was loyal and fierce to a fault.

When it was Lila’s turn to hold Morgan, her entire face lit up with the kind of joy Natasha hadn’t seen on her since before the snap.

Watching Lila with Morgan almost stole the breath from her lungs. Her heart ached with the loss of Nate and Cooper, but also overflowed with joy at this new little miracle.

Not able to watch any longer without breaking down she went to Pepper’s side.

“Doing okay?”

Pepper smiled tiredly.

“Just exhausted. But happy.”

“Do you want to move to your rooms? If not I’ll kick them all out and you can rest here.” Natasha offered.

“Yeah, maybe I’ll just rest here for a while until she needs to feed again."

Natasha quickly shooed the rest of the team out. Lila handed Morgan back to Tony, who nestled her into her bassinet.

“Come on bird.” Natasha said, holding a hand out for Lila.

Lila took it and they headed for the hallway. Just before they made it to the door, Tony called after them.

“Natasha, wait.”

She nodded for Lila to go ahead, and then turned to face Tony.

He strode over to her, and before she knew what was happening Tony Stark was embracing her.

“Thank you. It’s not adequate, but, thank you, from the bottom of my heart.” He said into her ear.

When she pulled away, his eyes were wet.

Natasha only smiled.

As she and Lila left the room, she heard Pepper and Tony cooing over the baby.

"She's so perfect. I already love her so much," Lila said, beaming as if the baby was her own sibling.

Not for the first time, Natasha marveled at how far they'd all come.

Blood wasn't what made a family, she knew that now better than most. Love made a family.

Every time she thought of it, it still amazed Natasha all over again.

"Yeah she really is." Natasha said, pulling Lila close to throw an arm around her shoulder.

They passed the kitchen, Thor, Rocket and Bruce's voices drifting out into the hall. They too were marveling over the newest addition to their odd little family.

Steve and Rhodey were outside their respective apartments talking quietly. When they saw Natasha and Lila approaching they both smiled.

"That was something." Steve said with a shake of his head. "A baby. Amazing."

His tone betrayed the sense of awe he felt, Natasha couldn't resist teasing.

"Just don't faint again gramps."

Lila snickered into her hand, and Rhodey chuckled darkly.

Steve spluttered.

"Can't blame a fella for that, I've seen a lot but never a dame in that state."

They all laughed at that.

"Thanks for the assist tonight Rhodey." Natasha finally said with nod in his direction.

"Made a good team. Can't say I'm surprised." He shot back. "Still can't believe it though. Baby Stark. She's gonna be trouble that one. Barely five hours old and already has us all wrapped around her tiny finger." Rhodey finished with a grin.

"She definitely does. Well were headed to bed. Night guys." Natasha said.

Lila offered a tired wave, Steve and Rhodey echoing their own farewells.

As they walked the rest of the way to their apartment, Natasha wondered if there’d ever been a child more loved that Morgan Stark already was.

Chapter Text

By the time Morgan was four-weeks-old, Natasha truly understood the phrase, it takes a village.

And a strange little village they had too.

Everyone pitched in to help out with Morgan. Rocking, changing, feeding, cuddling, reading, bathing, dressing, all of it.

But no one more so than Lila. She’d gone into immediate big sister mode.

Sometimes, as she had now, Natasha caught her singing, a little off key, just like Clint had been, to Morgan when she thought no one was listening.

Natasha stood in the doorway to their common room, watching as Lila sat on the sofa, Morgan cuddled to her chest singing softly. Lila hadn't noticed her presence yet giving her the perfect opportunity to simply observe.

The lullaby was always the same, they both knew it well. Laura had sung it often enough in her smooth, sweet voice. Hearing the familiar words of the song left Natasha awash in memory, as she recalled the first time she'd heard Laura singing it. 

Four months after Cooper's birth, Clint had been given a mandatory assignment that would take him out of the country for a few weeks. It was the first one since Cooper had been born. Laura had not taken the news well.

Which was how Natasha found herself staying at the farm house while Clint was away. She absolutely didn't mind keeping Laura company, though she was still apprehensive of a baby. Natasha had never really been around babies before. Never held one until Cooper either. Even four months later, she still worried she wasn't holding him correctly or that he would somehow get hurt. Laura, gentle and patient as always never hesitated to place Cooper in Natasha's arms. Never once batted an eyelash that those same hands that killed. It was one thing she liked about Laura from the very beginning. When Clint had brought Natasha to the farm for the first time, he and Laura had been married for just two years at the time.  And Cooper was little more than a wish at that point. Laura never treated her with anything but kindness even from that first day, never batted an eyelash about Natasha's past, or acted afraid of her. She took Natasha in, welcomed her, fed her, showed her compassion. It had taken time for her to open up to Laura about her past, but never once had Laura shied away from her or looked at her any differently.

Staying at the farm was always something she looked forward too, and if she could provide Laura with comfort and an extra pair of hands with Clint away, she was glad to do it.

One night she'd woken from a nightmare, drenched in a cold sweat. Not wanting to got back to sleep, Natasha tip toed from her room down to the kitchen. After fixing herself a cup of tea she went back upstairs, planning to read for a while. Before going to her room, she walked down the hall intent on checking in on baby Cooper in the nursery. As she got closer she heard a faint hint of music drifting from the cracked door.

Natasha peered inside, finding that Laura was in the nursery Cooper in her arms pacing around the room trying to sooth him to sleep. She was singing softly, a sweet melody in an even sweeter voice.

Nudging the door open a bit more, Natasha leaned against the frame, a smile playing at her lips. Sensing her presence Laura looked up at her. There were bags under her eyes, her hair disheveled, baby spit up on her night shirt. Cooper fussed and squirmed in her arms, his little face tear streaked. But all Natasha could think when she looked at Laura was how perfect they both were. Her family. 

"Sorry did we wake you?" Laura asked.

Natasha shook her head.

"Nightmare again."

Laura furrowed her brows in concern.

"Nothing to worry about. But I won't be sleeping anytime soon. Why don't I stay with Cooper. You get some rest."

"You don't have to..."

"No I insist. So long as he isn't hungry, Auntie Nat can handle the rest."

Knowing Natasha was even more stubborn than Clint, Laura didn't try to argue.

Natasha came in, setting the tea down on the dresser, before reaching for Cooper. Laura gently transferred him to her arms.

Laura leaned in and kissed Cooper's forehead, cooing softly. When she stepped back she smiled at Natasha.

"Thanks Nat. You are the best Auntie we could ask for."

Natasha smiled back. As soon as Laura had left, Natasha found herself humming that same sweet tune she'd heard from Laura.

"Auntie Nat?"

Lila's voice pulled her from her memory. She blinked to clear it away, before the lingering melancholy could take her. 

"Sorry bird, what is it?"

"I just asked if you wanted to hold Morgan."

Natasha smiled at her.

"You're doing an excellent job. I was just enjoying watching you with her, and listening. It's been a while since I've heard that lullaby."

Lila smiled sadly.

"Mom used to sing it all the time. But you did too sometimes. I remember hearing you sing the melody, but not the words." Lila said with a little frown.

"Once your mom taught me the words I translated them to Russian. Sometimes I'd sing those to you when you were little. But my voice isn't near as nice at your mom's."

Lila rolled her eyes, "mine isn't either. But I thought Morgan might like it."

"It looks like she does. She's fast asleep now."

"I like sharing it with her. It helps me remember."

"Me too bird. I was just thinking about the first time I heard your mom sing it.

"Would you tell me about it?" Lila asked.

Natasha crossed the room and sat down beside Lila on the sofa. She watched Lila checked on Morgan again, running a finger over her soft little cheek.

Her chest ached at the sight. Sometimes Natasha really wanted to thank Tony and Pepper for procreating, just for the immeasurable joy it brought to her little bird. 

When Lila looked back her expectantly she started, "it was like this..."

---

When Christmas arrived two weeks later in the Avenger compound Natasha did her best to make the holiday special for everyone, but particularly for Lila.

They decorated the compound, baked, blasted holiday music and wrapped presents. They all did their best to fill the compound with light and laughter and love.

There was still an undercurrent of sadness and melancholy that blanketed the compound despite everything. But as with all things, the burden felt a bit lighter when it was shared among so many.

Natasha hadn’t spent a Christmas without Clint since she’d defected from Russia. And without him, and Laura and the boys, she felt like she was navigating through a heavy fog of grief.

To her surprise Lila seemed better than excepted with the upcoming holiday. She read Christmas themed books to Morgan and dressed her in frilly holiday dresses and socks. She baked with Pepper and hand decorated stocking for each of them to hang over the mantle. Rather than Nat helping Lila through this first Christmas without their family, it seemed to be the other way around.

On Christmas Eve everyone was gathered in the recreation room, a somber mood hanging over them as Pepper produced a box of small white candles. Natasha clutched the photo in her hand, crinkling it somewhat. Beside her, Lila holding three additional photos leaned over to rest her head on Natasha’s shoulder. It was a somber affair.

“Alright, who’s first?” Pepper asked the room.

No one moved for a long time until Carol finally walked over to Pepper and took two candles from the box. She moved over to the mantle of the electric fireplace placing the candles on the ledge above the stocking that bore her name. She pressed her fingers to each wick, lighting each before propping two very old photos beside them.

Natasha squinted slightly, recognizing Fury even without the bald head or eye patch.

The second photo showed a girl, maybe a little younger than Lila wearing Carol’s old flight jacket. She’d never seen her before, but knew that it must be Monica from the stories Carol had shared.

Tony went next, he lit only one candle, a framed photo of him and Peter Parker displayed behind it.

Pepper added a candle for Happy, and another for Maria Hill.

Nebula for her sister Gamora.

Steve added a group shot of Bucky, Wanda and Sam, while Bruce set up photos of Vision, and Steven Strange.

Rocket lit four candles one each for his fallen teammates, Groot, Drax, Mantis and Quill.

Rhodey set a royal portrait of T’Challa and Shuri for Okoye who was projecting in on a holo screen from Wakanda.

Thor lit a single candle but added no photos, instead mumbling, “for the Asguardians, and my brother.”

Lila went next. She placed the photos of her mother and her brothers, and lit the three candles. Natasha watched on her eyes stinging with tears. Finally, it was her turn. With shaky hands she took the final two candles from Pepper and set them gently on the mantle beside the candles Lila had lit. For a moment she stared at the first phone, crumpled and worn with age, one edge jagged where it had been torn. She placed it on the mantle, Yelena's smiling face like a jab to her heart. The second photo was newer, but nearly as worn. Clint’s familiar grin staring up at her. Swallowing hard she placed the photo on the mantle, lit the final candle and stepped back. Silence descended over them as they stared at the tribute to their fallen friends and family. Lila tucked in close to Natasha, while Pepper lifted Morgan from her basket.

That Christmas Eve was for the fallen.

However on Christmas Day they sat around a festively decorated tree, sipping Irish coffees and hot cocoas, Morgan dozing in her bassinet while the others shared stories and memories of those they’d lost. The row of candles continued to burn steadily on the mantle above the stockings. Natasha’s heart ached but beneath the pain there was warmth and light and a feeling of home as she looked at Lila beside her and their friends all around.

So, Christmas Day, she decided was for the survivors.

Chapter Text

Nine months and four days after the snap, Natasha received an email with the final paperwork that would make her Lila’s guardian. They would both need to sign it, complete digital fingerprinting, and have two witnesses sign off on it. Then it would be official.

Instead of rushing to do it right away, Natasha moved the email into her save folder for a reason she couldn’t quite put in words just yet.

Shortly after Lila’s second birthday, while Natasha was staying at the farm, Clint had come to her looking both scared and determined. She'd only quirked an eyebrow and waited. In that blunt way of his, he’d asked if she would consent to take Cooper and Lila if anything ever happened to him and Laura.

Natasha could vividly remember the feeling that had swelled within her, the trust that ran so deep between them that he would entrust his children to her.

If he would’ve asked her three years earlier, she would’ve laughed in his face. Two years earlier she would've declined though with a slight hesitation and a heavy heart. A year earlier and she still would've declined, this time after careful consideration, But, perceptive as always, Clint had known, waited for the right time to ask. 

And she'd agreed without a shred of doubt or hesitation.

Two days after that paperwork arrived, with thoughts of that long ago conversation floating through her mind, she found Pepper alone in the kitchen.

“Where’s Morgan?”

“I sent Uncle Steve to take care of diaper duty while I made a quick snack.” Pepper said with a mischievous grin.

Natasha snorted.

Steve, of everyone in the compound was still the most uncertain around Morgan. He clearly adored her as much as everyone else, but he’d never been around a baby before, he always seemed so terrified of how small and fragile she was. Natasha remembered that feeling too well.

But he was getting better, with time and practice.

“I’m not too worried though because Rhodey was hovering.”

“Rhodey does change a mean diaper."

“Touche.” Pepper said smiling.

They fell into a comfortable silence, Natasha making herself a cup of tea while Pepper finished off her sandwich. Taking the seat beside the other woman, Natasha let out a breath, deciding if she was going to broach the topic with anyone it should be Pepper.

Natasha cleared her throat.

“I got the guardianship paperwork back today.”

Pepper turned a laser focused gaze on her, scrutinizing. 

“That’s great news. So why don’t you sound happier about it? You’ve been waiting for so long.” Pepper questioned.

“I…” she started, then paused, gathering her thoughts. “I just, I’ve been thinking about things. And maybe I realized I’m not as happy about this as I could be if….”

Pepper furrowed her brow, studying Natasha’s face.

“If what?”

“If it was more permanent and less, formality? I don’t know. It’s just that, all of us are family and we don’t need anyone or anything to tell us what we are. But with Lila, it’s different for me. I want it to be more. I don’t want to be her guardian; I want to be her parent.”

It was the first time Natasha had acknowledged that desire, even to herself.

Being Lila’s guardian seemed impersonal, like something temporary and fleeting, not like the lifetime commitment she’d made the day she’d told Clint that yes, she could take the kids, yes, she would care for them and love them like they were her own.

Logically she knew the guardianship was only on paper, that it didn’t actually matter what the paperwork said. She was Lila’s Auntie Nat, she was Lila’s family.

But it mattered to Natasha.

“You want to adopt her.” Pepper said.

She nodded.

“You should talk to her about it. But I think it’s a wonderful idea.”

---

Natasha thought about it for another two days, but in the end, she decided that Pepper was right.

So she sat on the sofa in their quarters that afternoon, waiting for Lila to get back from her lab with Bruce.

“Hi Auntie Nat.” Lila called as entered, toeing of her boots at the door.

“How was the lab? Are you decontaminated?” Natasha teased, trying to hide her nerves.

“Yep, and I left my lab clothes in my locker this time. We didn’t work with anything dangerous today but I think there might’ve been some unidentified slime from a project he’s working on.”

“Good. Good.” Natasha said, not fully listening. “Hey, Lila, can you come sit there’s something I want to talk to you about.”

Natasha rarely used Lila's first name; it was always Li or little bird or just bird, but in her nervousness it slipped out.

Clearly worried and uncertain, Lila took the seat beside her.

“It’s not bad. Don’t look so nervous.” Natasha said bumping her shoulder. “I just. I got the final paperwork for your guardianship. But I’ve been thinking about something I want to ask you about before we finish those.”

“Okay, what is it?” Lila said, clearly trying to keep her own nerves under control.

“Well, it’s just that with a guardianship, it only lasts until you turn eighteen. You’ll be an adult then, and the law says you won’t need someone to look after you anymore. So it’s temporary.”

“Okay…”

“Li, I want you to know that no matter what the law says, I will always take care of you, whether your thirteen or eighteen or thirty-five. You know that right? That you aren’t temporary, you are my little bird, no matter how old you get. We’re family, and family is forever.” Natasha almost choked on those last words. It was something Laura used to say to her when she was struggling.

“Family is forever.” Lila repeated. “I know that Auntie Nat.”

Natasha sighed at the pensive look on Lila's face. She started again.

“What I’m trying to say is that instead of the guardianship, I would like to adopt you. Is that something you might want too?” Natasha forced the words out before she had a chance to back out.

Lila didn’t even hesitate.

“Yes.”

“Yes?”

“Yeah. That would be permanent right? I mean legally and stuff. If you adopt me, it’s not just a temporary thing. It’s forever.”

Natasha nodded.

“I want that then. Family is forever so it should be on paper too.”

Natasha thought her heart might actually explode as a rush of emotion slammed into her. She pulled Lila close, wrapping her in a hug. When they broke apart Lila spoke up.

“So should we have the same name then? I mean, some families don’t I guess. Is it silly that I kinda want that?” Her words were a little hesitant, but her dark eyes were unwavering.

“It isn’t silly at all."

"Really?" Lila asked still clearly hesitant.

Natasha hadn't really thought about that aspect of it, not until this moment.

"Natasha Barton does have a nice ring to it doesn’t it?” Natasha said, forcing a lightness into her voice that she did not feel.

Truthfully, it wasn’t the first time she’d tested out the name for herself over the years. A part of her had longed for that, that connection. The proof of where she belonged, concrete evidence of family. Once or twice, she might’ve even dreamed of taking that name to be closer to Clint and Laura, as a sign of the love they were all too afraid to admit out loud. One time, she’d even considered asking Clint if she could do it. It was after the Sokovian accords, she’d been in a bad place, forced to face a past she’d tried so hard to forget. Even if she'd been happy to reunite with Yelena, Melina and Alexei, it had shaken her. More than ever, Natasha had needed that link to her present, to her family, but in the end, she’d been too afraid.

“It is nice, but maybe… maybe Natasha Barton Romanoff would be nicer. I think Lila Barton Romanoff sounds pretty good too.” Lila said tentatively.

Natasha smiled and pulled Lila in for another hug.

"Sounds perfect."

---

The very next morning Natasha filed for a change of paperwork.

Ten days later Natasha and Lila, surrounded by their mismatched family of aliens, Avengers and Asgaurdians, stood before the large holo screen in the control room where a judge finalized the paperwork.

Lila was officially hers.

Her little bird.

Her kid.

Which felt completely strange but also wonderful.

“Love you.” Lila said.

“And I love you.” Natasha said hugging Lila close.

Silently, teary eyes raised to the ceiling, Natasha mouthed the words, "just like promised Clint."

Chapter Text

Lila scrunched her nose at the screen in front of her. Russian verbs were going to be the death of her.

In Lila’s experience thus far, dealing with conjugations was the worst part of learning languages, and Russian was decidedly difficult. She chalked it up to the Cyrillic alphabet, which was still taking time to get used to.

They were in the control room, her and Nat, who was nearby working at one of the stations, while Lila completed online exercise worksheets.

Finishing up her current conjugation sheet, she tapped the screen for the next page. She read over the instructions about matching subjects to the correct verbs, then scanned over the activity. Her attention snagged on a single subject word.

Мама.

Lila’s heart sped up, a sort of static, white noise filled her ears. She tried to calm her breathing but for some reason, she couldn’t. Sweat pricked at the back of her neck the longer she stared that that one word.

So simple, so recognizable even in this still unfamiliar language, yet it held so much meaning.

Finally Lila tore her gaze away from her screen. Without thought, or any concious decision on Lila's part her eyes immediately went to Nat.

Natasha was sliding her finger over the screens, thumbing through files between typing. She was so focused on her work that she didn’t notice Lila’s attention, giving her the opportunity to observe.

Lila studied her profile, the familiar planes of her face, the even more familiar furrow between her brows, and the slight downturn of her lips as she concentrated. Her hair had grown out some, the bright red once again peeking through at the roots. Her auntie Nat.

Except that wasn’t exactly true, not really. Nat didn’t feel like her auntie anymore, she felt like something else, something more. Pepper felt like her aunt, Nebula and Carol and even Val felt like odd, somewhat intimidating aunts.

But not Nat.

Lila's chest tightened as emotion swelled inside her. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes but she blinked them away. 

Six weeks ago she’d legally adopted Lila. Which technically she was Lila’s parent. They even shared a name now. Barton-Romanoff.

Only, Lila still called her auntie Nat. Just like she always had.

Though of course Lila couldn’t remember it, she’d been told by both her parents that her first word had been Nat. And somehow, even more than before, that didn’t surprise her. As a little kid she’d idolized Natasha, clung to her, threw countless tantrums when she had to leave. Looking at her now, Lila wondered about the conversation they’d had months ago. The revelation that Natasha had loved her parents, and that they’d loved her back. She thought about the shoebox full of letters and mementos Natasha had saved over the years and the letters she'd taken from her mother's drawer.

In a different life, Natasha could have been her second mom.

Her eyes flicked back to the screen. To that word.

Мама.

Lila wondered if some things were just destined to be, even if not in the way that you expected. Because the truth was, Natasha was her second mom. And maybe they didn’t say it out loud, maybe Nat didn't even realize it, but it didn't make it any less true for Lila.

Now that she was really thinking about it, Lila realized that she'd thought of Nat as another mom for months now. 

Fidgeting for a moment, heart still racing in her chest, Lila debated if she should say something, or simply go back to her worksheet.

Finally, she spoke, voice a little shaky.

"Hey Nat?”

“Hmm?” She hummed in response.

“Can you help me with this?”

Natasha looked away from her screen to Lila, “of course. What are you working on?”

“Verb conjugations again. Um, can you just let me know if these two are the right ones.” Lila said, feeling ridiculously nervous about what she was about to do.

“Of course.”

“я дочь.” Lila said. I am a daughter.

Nat nodded.

“That would be the correct conjugation of the verb быть or есть if  it were in the present tense but it’s odd phrasing.”

Lila knew that of course. Usually when people used ‘I am’ statements, it was to say things that weren’t universally obvious. Every person how identified as female was a daughter, so it was unnecessary to state it, but she had an ulterior motive.

“Okay what about this one?” Lila paused then said, “ты мама.” You are a mom.

Nat just nodded again, oblivious that anything was out of the ordinary.

“That’s also correct. Your conjugations are getting better.” She said smiling at Lila before turning back to her screen.

Lila fought the urge to roll her eyes. She thought she was being pretty obvious. But clearly the plan hadn’t worked.

Her heart, which had returned to a normal rate, fluttered slightly as she strode over to Natasha’s control station, no longer nervous but determined. She stopped a few steps from Natasha’s chair.

“ты мама?” She said again changing her inflection to a question.

Are you a mom?

Natasha dropped the data screen in her hands with a loud thunk. She swiveled around to stare wide eyed at Lila, starting slightly at her proximity. Clearly she hadn't expected her to be so close.

Lila held Nat’s gaze. She let everything she was feeling show, the rawness of the moment, the hope and gratitude and overwhelming love she felt. 

Natasha's uncertain, slightly confused expression shifted. Hope and terror flitted across her features, along with clear worry that she misunderstood, her brows furrowing deeply.

Lila tried one more time, adding another word that, she hoped, would clarify.

“ты моя мама?”

Are you my mom?

Natasha blinked rapidly and Lila could tell she was holding back tears.

“Mama. Is that okay?” Lila asked switching back to English.

“Да.” Nat breathed, voice barely above a whisper.

Then louder she said, “Oui. Sí. Igen. Да. Yes. A thousand times yes.”

“Really?” Lila asked, her smile splitting across her face, so wide it actually hurt a little.

Natasha stood quickly sweeping Lila into a bone crushing hug.

“I’d love nothing more than to be your mama. My little bird. I love you.” Her mama whispered into her hair. 

“I love you too, mama.” Lila said, squeezing back even more tightly.

Chapter Text

Morgan Stark’s first birthday was a joyous and very festive affair in the Avengers compound. One Lila had helped organize, thank you very much.

She'd been helping Pepper plan for weeks and weeks, making sure every detail would be just right. Lila knew that Morgan wouldn't remember any of this when she was older, but she didn't care. They were taking plenty of photos of the occasion, including a photo booth set up in the corner of the recreation room. It was her idea and came complete with mustaches and lips on sticks, funny hats and glasses, and more. FRIDAY seemed to be having almost as much fun taking the photos as everyone was having dressing up.

Streamers hung from every surface, balloons littered the floor like some absurd, bumpy rug. The pile of presents was so large they’d had to designate an entire corner of the room for the brightly colored packages.

Pepper had Morgan’s hair in tiny dark pigtails that stuck up adorably from her head, little red bows clipped to each. She wore a bright red tutu over a yellow onesie with a graphic of an Iron Man mask accompanied by the words Happy 1st Birthday Morgan.

Lila laughed as Morgan toddled around the room, already steady on her feet, babbling an incoherent mess of words. Some discernible, others little more than baby gibberish.

There were cupcakes that Lila had baked with Pepper, decorated with Thor's help, with help being an operative word. He honestly ate more of the icing than he'd managed to put on the cupcakes. Lila's fingertips were still tinged red from food coloring, and her skin felt a little sticky in places from Tony’s oh so brilliant kitchen helping robot that had flung batter all over the kitchen. But she didn’t mind because they’d had fun.

When they opened presents, each of them helped Morgan with the gift they’d given, guiding baby fingers to tear paper and pull things from bags. She giggled delighted at the different toys and gadgets and outfits, until she inevitably got distracted by one thing shiny or another, and darted off to explore.

“No kid, come on you gotta open uncle Rocket’s present.” Rocket told her, taking her hand in his own and leading her back to the presents.

They were nearly the same size which made Lila grin.

Rocket was clearly even more excited than Morgan about the gift, helping her tear the bright colored paper off, and opening a box.

Inside was a strange swirling orb, about the size of a grapefruit. Lila stepped closer as Rocket held it up for Morgan.

“This is space.” He told her, tapping a finger on the glass.

“Hey Bird, can you turn off the lights?”

“Sure.” Lila answered, biting her bottom lip to hide her smile at the use of her nickname.

Mama caught her eye and winked, clearly thinking the same thing as Lila.

Mama had called her little bird for as long as she could remember. But now, some of the others had taken to the name as well. Lila liked it, it was a small, affectionate reminder of this weird little family. That she belonged.

“Now prepared to be amazed kid, Uncle Rocket's got the best present of all,” Rocket told Morgan who was staring at the orb, eyes big and bright.

“Raw-tit” Morgan echoed, looking up at him.

“Close enough kid.” He told her, patting the top of her head affectionately.

Lila flicked the lights and everyone waited. Rocket did something to the orb, which suddenly glowed with a deep blue light.

In the next second, an entire galaxy was being projected onto the ceiling of the recreation room. Stars and moon, planets and asteroids, entire galaxies swirled slowly turning overhead. It reminded Lila of a much more high tech version of a star lamp she’d had as a little girl.

Morgan, along with the rest of them, watched the display for a few minutes before Rocket powered down the orb and Lila flicked the light.

Lila laughed as Morgan bounced excitedly on her feet, clapping chubby hands together and flailing about. In her enthusiasm she almost knocked the orb from Rocket’s hand, he bobbled only just managing to keep it from falling.

“Okay kid, you got more presents, now go on.” Rocket told her shooing her toward the still heaping pile before wiping at his furry brow.

“She can open ours next.” Lila said, moving toward Morgan.

Pulling a large package out from behind two others she knelt down on the floor.

“Here Morgan, this one is from me and your Auntie Nat.”

Morgan turned those huge brown eyes on Lila, and smiled showing off the four teeth she now had.

“Bird.” Morgan chirped.

Lila’s heart practically turned to goo inside her chest. Her name, or well, the nickname, had been Morgan’s second word, after dada, something she was pretty proud of.

No one had been surprised when, over dinner one night, Morgan who'd been smacking mashed carrots into her high chair tray stopped suddenly, looked right at Lila and said, "Bird!"

Every time Morgan said it, Lila melted. That first time she’d been flattered, but also grateful for whoever had thought to use her nickname for Morgan instead of her name. Lila suspected the mama and Pepper had done it,  something she'd never not be grateful for.

Lila loved Morgan, but she wasn’t quite ready to hear her name in a tiny, baby’s voice again. Not when she still woke sometimes, drenched in sweat, Nathaniel’s voice, calling her name, still ringing in her ears.

Besides, she wanted a clean slate with Morgan, just like she'd wanted with Natasha. She was Bird, and Nat was mama. It made everything easier somehow.

“Bird. Bird. Bird” Morgan chittered again and again, bringing Lila’s attention back to the little girl.

“Yes silly, from me and auntie Nat,” Lila smiled.

“Nat.” Morgan said, pointing to where Natasha was.

Natasha wiggled her fingers in a wave which Morgan found hilarious. She wobbled on her feet, as if ready to make a beeline for mama when Lila stopped her.

“Alright, present time baby. Let’s open it.”

Lila helped her open the gift, mama and all the others watching them.

Morgan’s eyes seemed to twinkle, growing impossibly wider at the revealed toy. And then she giggled that baby giggle of hers, making Lila's heart explode.

“Just for you Mor.” Lila tapped her index finger to the little girl’s nose.

"Bird!" Morgan screeched, nearly throwing herself at Lila.

Flailing, chubby baby arms wrapped around her neck, dark pigtails tickling her neck. Lila inhaled the soft baby scent of her, the room around her giving a collective "awww."

Lila held Morgan close.

She would never, ever stop missing her brothers. But having Morgan around was helping to heal something inside of her that no one else could.

A little baby bird for Bird. How fitting.

Lila had to grin at the thought.

Chapter Text

Sometimes Lila couldn’t believe how quickly time passed. It was unnerving really.

She’d heard adults say that time seemed to speed up as you got older, but that had just never made any sense to her.

Time was time. It didn’t change. Minutes, hours, days, years. They were one constant in life even when everything else changed.

What she hadn’t understood, until recently, was that when adults said that, what they really meant was ‘our perception of time changes as we get older.'

Lila supposed she was at the age now where that was true. She was almost fifteen now after all.

It had been over two years now since Thanos had irrevocably changed the world, or rather the entire universe.

Two years since she’d seen her mom’s smile, felt her father’s embrace, heard her brothers’ laughs. Some days were harder than others, sometimes her heart ached so much she didn’t think she could bear it.

But as time sped by, Lila discovered that those bad days were growing fewer and fewer. She would always miss them, always love them with her whole heart, that would never change. With the passing of time though, she could remember easier, could watch old videos and read old letters with crying or tell stories without falling apart. She could freely talk about her parents with mama, the memories more fond than painful now. She could bury her nose in Morgan’s soft hair when she held the giggling toddler close without the overwhelming grief she felt at not being able to do the same to Nate. She could bake her mom’s recipes with Pepper or help Bruce with robotics projects that reminded her of Cooper; she could sit in the shooting range built just her, staring at her father’s bow without falling to pieces.

And finally, finally, after two years and fifty-eight days, on a cloudless late spring afternoon, Lila was there again, at the shooting range, sitting cross legged on the mat, staring up at that wall of archery equipment, when she rose from the floor with new found resolution.

On slightly unsteady feet she padded barefoot over to the wall of equipment. Hand slightly trembling she reached out, a single finger stroking along the curve of her father’s bow.

The pain of loss was still there, an ache deep inside her chest. But right beside was a growing sense of determination that made the ache more bearable.

"I won't let you down dad." Lila whispered.

Gathering herself Lila took a deep breath, then released it slowly before she stepped over to face her own bow, hanging beside her fathers. It was the one they’d been practicing with when her world had changed forever.

Shaking fingers closed around the smooth wood of the lower limb.

Lila recoiled as a wave of memory slammed into her stealing the breath from her lungs. Her dad smiling down at her, ruffling her hair, her brother's laughing in the distance. She remembered the exact moment she'd turned, her dad no longer beside her, her mother's piercing scream, the sight of their dusting bodies.

Lila stumbled back a step, arms wrapping around herself as if to shield from the pain. Tears fell slow and silent down her cheeks. 

Lila fought against the tide trying to calm her racing pulse and pounding heart. She fought against the instinct to flee from this place and the pain. Struggled against it like she was fighting an ocean wave of memory until she finally broke the surface of it, gasping for air.  Lila swiped the tears away, taking deep breaths the way mama had taught her. 

Because she wouldn’t run, not anymore, not from this.

She was the daughter of Hawkeye.

The bow was her birthright.

Lila wouldn’t dishonor his memory by walking away from it, wouldn’t let herself back down from this. She was an archer. It was both part of her, and who she wanted to be.  Though she’d never said it aloud, Lila knew in the deepest part of her soul that she wanted, needed, to be an Avenger. It was her destiny. She couldn’t take her father’s place, but she could be part of his legacy, take up his mantle and help make the world a better place.

To do that though, she had to pick up a bow again.

Gritting her teeth and strengthening her nerve, Lila stepped forward again. This time she didn’t go for her old bow, or even her father’s. Instead she reached for something new.

One of the bows Tony had designed specifically for her.

She took it off the wall, fingers tightly wrapped around the glossy fiberglass of the upper and lower limbs. Lila examined it, re-familiarizing herself with the various parts of the bow.

It was a simple recurve, or as simple as anything could be when made by Tony Stark.

She held it up, testing it. It felt good, the weight and length of it just right for her. She idly wondered at that. It had been almost 18 months since she’d been gifted the room after all, she’d grown since then. Had he anticipated that it would take her so long to start again, or had he made alterations since then, keeping everything ready for her whenever the time came? She resolved to ask him about it later.

Lila shifted her left hand, fingers wrapping around the wooden grip. She lifted the bow into place, right hand finding the placement on the string. She shut one eye, found the sight window, and focused. Though she had no arrow she swung around to face one of the targets, pulled back on the string, paused for a moment.

It was as if the world around her died away, the lingering doubt and grief and pain fading away. She didn’t shoot it, but she held it, her muscle memory near perfect even after so long.

This was what Lila was, who she was.

Cautiously, grip still firm on the string she released the tension, not wanting to release the string accidentally and snap her unguarded forearm.

When the string was safely back in place she lowered her arms.

Out of the corner of her eye she caught a glimpse of something.

A familiar glimpse of red.

Lila turned to find mama leaning against the closed door, arms crossed, a smile tugging at her lips.

Her hair had grown out, red to her chin, but still platinum blonde from chin to shoulder. She wore a simple pair of leggings and a t-shirt, her green eyes no longer full of the intense pain of those early days, but shining with love and pride and just a hint of sadness that Lila knew would never go away. The same hint she saw mirrored in her own reflection.

“Thought I might find you here again.”

“I’m ready to shoot.” Lila told her simply. “But not just for fun. I want to train.”

“Lila.”

“No. I need this. Archery was never just a hobby to me, you know that. This is what I should be. It's what dad would've wanted too, his legacy.”

Mama strode over to her, Lila trying to read her expression. She’d gotten better at reading her, even when she tried to hide it, though she was hiding from Lila less and less these days.

She stopped in front of Lila, tilting her head just slightly to look into Lila’s eyes since she now stood almost two inches taller than her.

"Your dad would've wanted you to be happy. And safe."

“Please mama.” Lila implored.

Mama reached up to push a strand of loose dark hair from Lila's eyes.

"But, you're right. He always knew. We talked about it, quite a bit actually. But he wouldn't want you to choose this because you feel like you need to avenge him, or because it's want he would want. He'd want you to choose this because it's what you want Bird."

"It is what I want. What I've always wanted."

Mama's eyes roved over her face for what seemed an eternity, trying to read everything in Lila's expression. She didn’t hide anything from her mama. She let everything she was feeling show; her longing, her grief, her resignation and determination, her hope and her fear. Lila wasn’t sure what she was looking for but after a long hesitation, mama spoke.

“Alright then. You can train, but there will be rules. You can start with your father’s videos, Steve, Rhodey or I will supervise. Tony will fit you for proper protective gear. And you can’t just train with the bow, you need better defense training too. Those lessons with Steve were a good base, but you’ll need more. I’ll talk to Rhodey, and maybe Valkyrie. And if your school work slips that’s the end of it. Got it?”

Lila barely heard anything beyond the words, ‘you can train.’

Lila flung herself at mama, hugging her tightly.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

Chapter Text

“Move your arm down.” Nebula told Lila manually adjusting her aim.

“Your finger, make it straighter. Keep it tight to the blaster, pointing at the target.”

Lila did as instructed.

“Now fire.”

She did.

The shot pulled slightly to the left, her wrist jolting from the recoil. A searing hole, still slightly smoking, was visible two inches from center.

“Good. Now again. Adjust and brace your arm.”

Lila felt Nebula’s intense gaze, scrutinizing her every move. With a deep breath she shifted, took aim and fired the blaster again. The shot went just to the right this time.
Without prompting she tried again. Still just off.

Nebula adjusted her shoulders and her arm several more times until finally, on shot 23, Lila hit the target dead center.

When she turned to smile at the blue skinned woman in triumph she found not only Nebula, but Nat standing beside her.

“That was good for your first attempt,” mama said encouragingly.

“Blasters are so much harder than pistols. The aim is so weird on them.”

“You just need to practice more. Everything gets easier with practice.”

“Yes. Every morning. I want a hundred rounds. With me or the fox.” Nebula added.

Mama smirked, “better not let him hear you still calling him that.”

Nebula shrugged. “If he says anything maybe I’ll use him for target practice instead.”

Lila’s grin faded, not entirely sure if Nebula was kidding or not. She liked the woman, but even after 3 years she still unnerved Lila somewhat. There was no way to tell if she was joking or not, her voice always toneless, the cybernetic facial parts and luphomoid biology making her expressions completely unreadable.

Somehow mama seemed to sense her emotions, or was at least a better guesser than Lila. She always managed to tell when Nebula was joking. Of everyone, mama alone could always tell when Nebula needed to be left alone. Everyone in the compound had lost people to the mad titan. But the events seemed to weigh most heavily on Nebula. Her remorse and guilt over her sister's death, over what her adoptive father had done. It hadn’t eased at all with the passage of time. And sometimes that left her in dark, brooding moods that were best avoided.

Still, Lila was really grateful Nebula had agreed to teach her how to use the space weapons.

“Why don’t you clean up and put that away for today. I need to talk to Nebula for a minute.”

Lila wanted to argue, but at the look on mama’s face she just nodded.

Mama and Nebula fell into quiet, earnest conversation while Lila took the cartridge from the blaster and headed for the work bench in the corner where she set about cleaning it. Her mind wandered as she went through the motions.

She’d been training for nearly eight months now. The first few months she'd worked only with her bow. After five months mama had allowed Val to give her some sword lessons, which were some of her favorite lessons. More recently mama had started training her on firearms. She wasn’t as good with a gun as she was with her bow. The biggest issue Lila had when shooting with handguns, the main thing she practiced with, was her draw, and speed. If she had time to position herself and concentrate she hit center every time. She even did pretty well when shooting at multiple targets in a row, so long as she didn’t have to do it rapid fire. But she was improving, even if it was slowly. Firearms weren't an innate skill for her, not the way archery was.

Tony had also made her a repulsor glove to play around with, though mama had strictly forbidden her from using the levitation boots he’d designed to go with it. Now Nebula had agreed to train Lila in a few galactic style weapons. The blaster she was working with now didn’t have bullets but shot a sort of fiery plasma stuff. Which she had to admit was awesome. Though, much trickier than the spear that shot electric currents like lightening or even the repulsor glove.

In addition to archery and weapons, she’d also been working tirelessly on hand to hand combat, boxing, mixed martial arts and self defense. Steve, Rhodey, mama and even Tony took turns working with her. Occasionally Lila flew to New Asgard to join the training sessions Valkyrie taught there.

Once a week, Thor flew some of the older Asgardians kids to the compound for the day. Some of them trained with her, others helped out in the labs or took lessons from Pepper who taught them about Earth customs and subjects. She’d made friends with a few of them, and it felt almost normal, getting to have friends her own age, even if they were from outer space.

She kept dutifully to her school work too, just as she’d promised mama. Her classes were still a mix of online subjects and whatever the Avengers thought she should know. Medicine and science, mechanics, engineering, computers and tech, weapons, history, tactics, politics, they threw it all at her.

The classes she liked best were with Rocket when he was on world. They worked on the Milano, and other smaller space ships, different space weapons and tech he acquired, probably illegally, when on missions to other planets. Rocket loved to take things apart, add this or that enhancement and rebuild the thing bigger and better than before. Lila found the whole thing fascinating. To her surprise she was even pretty handy with tools. 

Her absolute favorite thing though was getting to help mama with A-team work. She wasn’t allowed out in the field yet, but she’d been helping with mission control. Taking calls, organizing teams and planning out missions, acting as field assistance for the teams. Every time she slipped the earpiece in, Lila’s chest swelled with pride. She’d also gotten pretty good at hacking thanks to a few lessons from Tony and Pepper.

Outside of school and training, Lila spent a lot of time with Morgan. Playing with building blocks, coloring, or painting, or Morgan’s favorite, dress up. Rather than pretending to be a Disney princess or a fairy or a little Hawaiian girl with a pet alien as Lila had when she was small, Morgan’s dress up games meant playing Avengers. She had replica repulsor gloves, Iron man and War Machine helmets, plastic batons and black gloves that gave off tiny bursts of static like Widow’s bites. She had a raccoon ear headband and tail set, huge green hulk gloves, a replica of Mjollnir, a blue Valkyrie cape, a blue and purple unitard that was patterned off of Nebula, and a plastic shield backpack she wore everywhere.

“Bird.”

Lila started at her name, having zoned out while the adults talked. The image of Morgan faded from her mind as she turned to face mama.

“Hmmm?”

Mama walked over to her, Lila set the now cleaned blaster aside and stood from the work bench.

“I came in here because I just got a call. An assignment.”

Lila’s ears perked up at that.

“I want to help.” Lila said immediately.

Nat placed a hand on Lila’s shoulder, looking up directly into her eyes.

“I’ve got to go.”

“Oh.” Lila said, not sure how to respond.

Mama hardly went on missions herself, and the few times she did, Lila knew it was because it was something no one else could do.

“It should only be a few days. Nebula has agreed to assist. But we’ll need to leave soon. You going to be okay for a few days?"

Lila wanted to protest. She'd gotten better but she still hated being about from mama for any length of time. But she didn't want to be selfish. Nat was an Avenger, the A-team leader, a hero. Other people needed her too. The world needed her, even if she was Lila's mama. After a slight hesitation, Lila nodded trying to hide her gloominess.

"I'll be fine."

Reading her perfectly, mama squeezed her shoulder.

"I know this isn't easy. It's not easy for me either. I hate leaving you, but I have to be the one this time. Pepper's here if you need anything. Some of the mission is dark, but Steve will be monitoring in MC, he's happy to let you assist him."

Her mood lifted considerably at that. Lila felt better knowing she could be in control.

"I'm okay if you go..."

"That's my girl," mama said looking a little relieved.

That is until Lila said, "but only on condition."

Raising a red, manicured eyebrow mama asked, "and what's that?"

Lila looked in her straight in the eyes.

"Next time you go on a mission after that, I want to come with."

Nat blinked, clearly she hadn't anticipated that being Lila's request.

Finally she said, "I should've known."

She mumbled something else Lila didn't quite catch, but she thought it sounded like "sneaky" and "too much like Clint."

She couldn't hold back a grin at that.

"So can I?"

"On one condition of my own."

Lila groaned."Mama."

"Don't mama me. You aren't the only one who can bargain here."

"Fine, what is it?" Lila said, already having a good idea what the answer would be.

"If you can beat me one-on-one, you can go on a mission."

Chapter Text

Natasha stared at the suit laid out on Tony's work table.

Unlike her own one-piece tac suit, this was two pieces, a pair of tight-fitted pants, a long sleeve top with a sturdy tactical belt lay across the waist of the pants. There was also a second top laying beside the suit, sleeveless, almost like a sort of vest. The material was some combination of the composite polymer of her own suit, and Tony's nano tech.  Beside the suit lay an arm guard, and a shooting glove, both leather and nano tech.

"The top and pants can be worn as such or, fun feature, the nanoites can be activated to knit into the belt, making it one piece," Tony told her. "FRIDAY, catsuit mode."

Instantly the three pieces wove together. The pants attached to the bottom of the belt, and the shirt to the top until it formed one single piece.

"The nanoites are bullet proof, fireproof, blade proof. Really all the proofs. The vest had quite a few of its own features too. FRIDAY is built directly into the suit. No helmet, visor, goggles or earpiece required. Didn't think a mask was a good idea for Legolas junior."

Natasha smiled at that comment.

"I took the design for the kids' suit. Modified it a bit. Added a few things."

She knew he meant Peter Parker. It was still hard for Tony to talk about his protege without choking up, even all this time later. Tony still blamed himself, thinking that if Peter hadn't have gone with him to space, he would've survived. That was stupid of course. Peter would have likely been snapped either way. But imploring Tony Stark to see reason was like trying to move the moon.

"I kept the training wheels program. Thought that might be best for now."

Tony kept rambling about this feature and that, but she was only half listening. Her gaze had snagged on the belt buckle design.

Her eyes felt a bit misty as she reached out to touch the chevron design at the belt buckle. Clint's symbol. But instead of his customary purple, the metal was a glossy dark red.

All together the suit looked like the perfect combination of her and Clint. The black of the suit, the vest so like what Clint always wore. The leather guard and glove, the tac belt like her own. The buckle.

"Well Nat? Verdict?" Tony said from beside her.

"It's perfect Tony. She'll love it."

Then Natasha had a thought.

"Tony please tell me you did not give her an instant kill mode."

He winked at her. Natasha groaned.

---

"Well that could've been worse," Natasha said, still holding tightly to the armrests of her seat.

They'd at least made it back to the ground in one piece or mostly. The flying hadn't been too bad really, not for her first time out but the landing was going to need some serious work.

Slowly she loosened her grip, her knuckles white, palms sweaty. Her heart thundered in her chest, but she willed it to slow as she turned to Lila in the pilot's seat.

Lila wore the suit Tony had made for her. She'd barely taken it off since their first mission last month. Tony had to make her two more.

The new red streaks at the front of Lila's hair, almost the same shade as Natasha' own red, hung in her face, the rest of pulled back in a ponytail. Her eyes were huge, the pupils nearly swallowing the soft brown of the irises. They were alight with adrenaline and joy. Her lips pressed tightly together like she was fighting back a smile.

"Bird."

"Um, sorry?"

Natasha didn't think she sounded sorry at all. Not that she was surprised. Lila was sometimes too much like her dad, too much like her. Eager, restless, hungry for excitement, a thrill seeker.

"No you're not." Natasha quipped.

"Yeah, I'm not. That was so cool!" Lila said finally letting her smile break through.

Natasha's heart was still racing in her chest, though less from the crash landing and more from the rush she got every time she saw Lila, her daughter, filled with such joy. It was an odd sensation, like her chest might just split open from the sheer enormity of the love she felt.

She wondered if it was like that for all parents when they looked at their kid.

When she'd been Auntie Nat to the kids, she'd felt a wave of love and affection every time one of them smiled at her, or wrapped arms around her for a hug. She still felt that way when Morgan leapt into her open arms, clinging tightly with arms and legs squeezing tightly like a monkey.

But it was different now with Lila. The tightening of her chest, the swell of pride, the overwhelming emotion when she saw Lila's face light up. A desire to tear down the world to keep her kid safe and happy. The love that felt too much to contain sometimes, like she might drown in it.

"That was a lot harder than it looks. I guess I thought it would be more like driving a car." Lila said pensively, pulling Natasha out of her thoughts.

She snorted, "you've been spending too much time listening to Rocket."

"Well he did say flying was easier than driving." Lila replied.

"Yeah, but he's also two and a half feet tall and can't reach the pedals."

Lila frowned.

"I guess I didn't really think of that. How the hell does he drive then? Because I've seen him around in that old truck."

"Language." Natasha said without thinking.

Lila snickered into her hand, "Really mama?"

"I sound like grandpa America don't I? Damn it. Just, let's forget I said it and not mention it. To anyone. Especially Tony. I'll never live it down. I can't bear the shame." She said dramatically.

Lila burst out laughing, Natasha joined her. They laughed for a long time, until they were both a little breathless.

When their laughter subsided, Natasha said, "Let's try again."

Lila seemed surprised, "really? But I crashed your quinjet."

"You did. But quinjets are meant to withstand a lot more than a teenage driver with a learner's permit."

"Oh you mean like driving through a city while someone dropped from the hatch on a motorcycle?" Lila teased with a mischievous grin.

"And much worse." Natasha winked at her. "Your dad and I got up to way too much trouble in the jets. Used to worry your mom out of her mind. But she never really needed to worry because we flew a lot. That's how we got better. You will too. You just need more practice, even if it might give me a few gray hairs."

"You do know redheads can't actually get gray hair right?" Lila teased.

"Well that's a relief, I was afraid I might go prematurely gray. I've heard teenagers do that to you."

Lila reached over and shoved her playfully, "Mama!"

Natasha just chuckled.

"All teasing aside Bird, the only way to get better is to practice. You want to go on more missions, you'll need to know how to fly. So yes, we go again."

Chapter Text

“Alright. Let’s go again.” Steve instructed, brows knit as he scrutinized Lila’s form with an almost worried expression.

She tried not to roll her eyes. It wasn’t like she’d never handled the shield before. But Lila knew it was just how Steve was, so she bit back her retort, adjusted her stance, and threw. Lila put her entire body weight behind it, using her own momentum to send the shield soaring through the air toward her target. The vibranium disc thumped against the tree trunk, and immediately bounced back. Lila internally celebrated the fact that it hadn’t stuck this time.

“Bird!” Steve shouted, panic in his tone.

But she’d already seen it. The shield must’ve hit at an off-angle because it was hurtling back toward her, aimed directly at her face. She immediately launched herself up, thigh muscles straining with the effort of the jump. She took the impact of the shield in mid-air, twisting with it, adjusting to get a grip. Steve was still shouting, but Lila had acted on instinct. The months of intense training paying off as she ducked her head, and tucked into a roll, shield firmly against her torso as her upper shoulders hit the ground. The awkward half somersault was anything but graceful.

An ache reverberated down Lila’s back from the impact but she didn’t let it slow her down.  Popping up first into a crouch and then to her feet, she immediately took aim at the second target, another padding covered tree and threw.

She swore she heard Steve’s exasperated exhale, as the shield bounced, this time returning perfectly back to her arm.

A slow round of clapping cut through the silence of the clearing.

Lila turned toward a lone figure leaning against a tree and grinned.

Natasha winked at her, then strode across the lawns, a smirk lifting one side of her mouth as she caught Steve’s eye. He shook his head, a hand running through his sandy hair.

“I still can’t believe you’re letting her do this,” he said, “the shield almost impaled her. She’s going to get seriously hurt.”

Lila tried not to eavesdrop, but she wasn’t that far from them.

“It’s not any more dangerous than her sword training with Val. Come on Cap, lighten up.”

“Seriously Nat, she’s still a kid. Bows are one thing. I’m seriously starting to wonder if you’ve lost your mind in that greenhouse you and Pepper have been tending too.”

Lila rolled her eyes. It was the same argument the pair had been having for weeks. Of everyone on the compound, Steve was the most reluctant to train her. Yet here they were. But not without serious effort from Mama.

“If you were that concerned you’d have told me to go to hell when I asked. But you didn’t.”

“Asked? More like demanded.” He grumbled back

“Yet here you still are with her.”

Lila bit her lip to hide her grin, then went back to work with the shield. She moved in closer to her targets, set herself in wide stance and tossed the shield. It ricocheted off the padded tree and back to her arm. After a few more, she started to move around, working at different angles around the tree. After a few weeks with Steve she’d gotten pretty good at close range. Farther distances were still tricky. Not only with angles but also having enough power in her rather lanky body. Building muscle took time, but she was working on that. Between sparring with Mama, sword and hand-to-hand lessons with Val, running with Steve, and kickboxing with Pepper.

Lila could still hear the distant sounds of bickering, but she tuned it out, focusing on her task. After another fifteen minutes, sweat dripped down her forehead, sticking a lock of recently dyed red hair to her face. Her chest heaved with her panting breaths, the muscles in her arm straining as the shield came back to her again.

“Impressive.”

Lila secured the shield to her forearm and turned to face Mama with a huge grin.

“Impressive, isn’t she Steve?” Natasha said over her shoulder.

“It was. Good work bird.” Steve replied, appearing beside Mama.

“Thanks.” She said panting. “What next?”

“I think you’ve earned a break.”

She frowned at him and said, “I’m not done,” even though her arms felt like jelly.

“You are for today. Pep made lunch, then I need you in command.”

That perked Lila up instantly, “Yeah? Well let’s go then.”

Mama chuckled, “You better give Cap that shield back first.”

“Oh, uh, right,” Lila said taking it off.

Steve grinned as she handed it back, “Thursday, we’ll practice, same time.”

“Awesome. Thanks Cap.”

“You got it bird.”

Lila smiled at him, then immediately headed back for the compound, suddenly realizing she was starving. Before she was completely out of earshot she heard Steve say, “I don’t know how you do it.”

She hesitated, listening for Mama’s reply.

“There’s nothing else I’d rather do.”

Lila’s heart soared.

Chapter Text

“I’m in.” Lila’s voice sounded in Natasha’s ear.

“Good, now take the corridor to the right, then the second left. You’ll need to bypass the sensors.”

“Got it.”

Natasha perched on the very edge of her seat, watching the small dot that was Lila move across her screen through the building. Breath held she kept scanning her screen for other signs of movement, heat signatures, anything.

Even after six months of missions with Lila, it never got any easier.

Lila’s training was going well. She was dedicated, focused, and passionate. She worked hard, refusing to give up or back down from anything they threw at her. Her archery was unparallel, Natasha was pretty sure Lila had already surpassed even Clint’s skills. She would give anything to see the look of pride in Clint’s eyes as Lila bested him.

It wasn’t just her archery either. Lila’s weaponry skills were extensive and varied, she was particularly deadly with a sword, thanks to Valkyrie. But it didn’t seem to make a difference what weapon, Lila worked tirelessly on each and every one. Her hand-to-hand combat was nearly as impressive. And only Natasha herself could rival Lila’s stealth skills.

Her flying had improved too, though the driving was still a work in progress. Though she suspected with the offer Rocket had recently made, it wouldn’t be long until she had that mastered too. Natasha grinned to herself, remembering the light in Lila’s eyes at Rocket’s words.

“Bird, I’ll teach you to pilot the Milano. But you ‘ain't getting in there until you can pilot the jet and drive the truck perfectly. We got a deal?”

Lila had squealed at the offer, then threw herself at Rocket, picking him up and squeezing him.

His feet dangled and he let out an annoyed sort of huffing sound but patted Lila on the back with his small hand for a few seconds.

“Alright, alright, put me down, what do I look like a teddy bear?”  

Lila laughed but set him down.

“Sorry, I got excited.”

“You should be Bird, I wouldn’t let just anyone fly my ship.”

That was nearly a month ago, another month or two and Rocket would need to make good on that promise. Not that she was particularly thrilled about her kid piloting a spaceship, no matter how old she was.

The command unit on the jet beeped, drawing her back to the mission at hand.

“Sensor’s bypassed, which way?”

Natasha gave out a series of directions, watching Lila’s dot move along the interior of the building on the blueprint of the building. She was nearly there. Her heart rate increased with every moment, after two minutes she hit the comm button.

“Status report?”

“Approaching target, I’ll need to bypass another set of sensors and a retinal lock. Then I’m in.”

Natasha let out of breath.

“Stop worrying Mama, I’ll be fine.”

Natasha’s worry had nothing to do with Lila’s abilities, but rather, with her own fears. Years ago she’d never thought twice about the danger of a mission, nor had she possessed a vestige of concern, fear or worry, for herself or anyone else for that matter. She was a widow, the only thing that mattered was getting the job done.

It was only after she’d met Clint that Natasha had started to understand those concepts. As with so many things in her life, he’d been the exception. She didn’t worry, except about him. Didn’t fear, except for him, didn’t care about danger, unless he was in it. She’d had given her life for Clint without any hesitation because she’d grown to understand what it meant to care, to love, to protect.

When Laura and the kids can along, Clint had no longer been her sole exception. Then she’d found a team and a new kind of family, she’d reunited with her sister, and with each new person came a new set of worries, more people to protect.

Those feelings were amplified by a thousand now that it was their kid out there. Part of her still hated herself for allowing Lila to do this, but Natasha knew refusing would’ve done no good. Lila had told her that this was who and what she wanted to be. It didn’t mean she liked it, but she did understand it.  Lila had fire in her veins, she burned with it, that passion to make the world a better place. There was a steely determination to her that was all Clint, and absolute conviction in her heart, just like Laura.

So, Natasha did her best to tamp down on her own feelings and do what she’d done since Clint had spared her life. She let the worry and fear and protectiveness carry her, but refused to let it drown her. Staying rational and present, that was the best way to keep her little Hawkeye safe.

The thought caused an involuntary quirk to her lips.

They’d never really discussed it, a name, an identity. But she knew her kid well enough to know it was something Lila wanted. She suspected that, for Lila, it was the final step in proving she was officially part of the team. Except she was already part of the team, albeit an in-training member, but still a member. Besides, she’d been Bird for so long now, Natasha wasn’t sure anything else would stick even if Lila wanted to choose a pseudonym of her own. Well, except for perhaps Hawkeye.

That thought caused her stomach to tighten, an unbidden tear to slip down her cheek.

They’d need to discuss it soon, her seventeenth birthday only weeks away after all. Her little bird wasn’t so little anymore. She’d physically outgrown Natasha months ago, years really, if she was being honest, but the realization that it wouldn’t be long before Lila was a legal adult, terrified her.

“Okay I’m in.” Lila said, pulling Natasha from her melancholy.

She shook herself then replied, “Good. Now you’ll need to work around the computer encryption to access the database. Start by opening up the main interface…”

“Mama,” Lila interrupted, voice full of exasperation. “I know how to break encryptions.”

“I know you do, but this is your first time in action,” Natasha replied.

“I appreciate the help, but I’ve already been into the main frame, looped the feeds and secured the files we need.”

“Oh,” Natasha muttered because of course, Lila had.

“I just need you to check that my path is clear.”

Natasha studied the screen again.

“It’s clear.”

“Good. See you soon.”

Lila’s comm went silent, and Natasha watched the dot steadily move through the layout of the building.

Chapter Text

Lila sat on the floor of Morgan’s room, the little girl beside her, playing with toy figures.

Several more figures were scattered on the floor, another two in Lila’s hands as she indulged Morgan's game. Now that she was going on more missions on top of trying to finish her senior coursework, she didn’t get to spend as much time with Morgan as she used too. So when she’d asked Lila to play Avengers, or A-team as they now called themselves, with her, Lila couldn’t say no.

Currently, she held a bald, blue skinned doll resembling Nebula, and a Captain America action figure. Morgan was currently making the action figure of her dad fly through the air, while a Natasha doll chased behind on a motorcycle.

Scattered among the other toys were various dolls, action figures and even a small stuffed raccoon meant to be Rocket. Avengers was Morgan’s favorite game. It was also how Pepper and Tony explained about her family, the ones that were around and those that weren’t. They showed her photos and videos, letting Morgan match each person to a new toy. The green dinosaur she’d put glasses on which served as Bruce, was Lila’s particular favorite.

Among the other toys, lay replica figures of her father, Thor and Carol, a plush Spiderman, a pair of stuffed black pathers, a barbie riding a winged horse, tiny Antman and Wasp figurines, and a real stick with googly eyes for Groot. She'd taken a male barbie, given it a red cape and glued little orange foam discs to it’s hands for Doctor Strange. There were dolls of Wanda and Vision, and army action figures made to look like Sam, Bucky, and Rhodey.

“You should make Uncle Steve fly too. We’ll pretend daddy made him a flying shield, like Uncle Thor’s hammer,” Morgan told her.

Lila did as instructed, making the figure fly through the air.

“And Auntie Neb can go with Rocket to fly the ship. Then we’ll all go fight the bad guy like the Avengers A-team!”

She pointed dramatically to a large stuffed figure on across the room. She’d drawn a moustache on the bright green caterpillar and added a crown over its antennae. Lila grinned at it.

Even at five years old Morgan Stark understood her world. Tony and Pepper had explained early on that they didn’t want to shelter Morgan from the truth. She’d be told age appropriate details, but never lied to about their circumstances. Lila thought it was a good choice. It was a similar one to what her parents had decided on. They’d never hid what her father was, what Mama was, or what her mother had once been. They’d been allowed to ask questions, to be trusted with truths instead of outright lied too.

It was something she’d never stop being grateful for. She couldn't imagine how much harder these past four and a half years would’ve been if she’d been kept in the dark those first twelve. She suspected it would be the same for Morgan.

Soon enough she’d no longer be a little kid, and she’d be faced with a still broken world outside their compound.

She was a curious, tenacious and brilliant child, not that that surprised anyone, especially not Lila.  

What amazed Lila most about Morgan though was her endless capacity to take in and process information. Speaking to her sometimes felt more like talking to an adult than a child. She listened intently, often hesitated before replying, as if her mind was turning over each word. Many times, she asked questions even Lila hadn't though of, and always nodded sagely when someone tried to give her an answer.

She suspected it had some to do with being raised in a house without any other young children, but more than likely it was simply due to her parentage. Brilliance was in her genetics after all.

They played for a while, various Avengers working to defeat the evil Caterpillar King.

When Morgan was satisfied he’d been vanquished, her word, not Lila’s, Morgan turned big brown eyes to Lila. She didn’t say anything, just studied Lila, her head tilted slightly to one side. Lila couldn’t begin to guess what might be running through that little mind. So she waited patiently while Morgan worked through whatever she was thinking.

After a few minutes, she said, “Birdy, are you an Avenger?”

Lila smiled, “Almost, I’m in training. My mama said I have to wait until my next birthday to be full Avenger.”

Morgan furrowed her brow a little, then asked, “Why does Auntie Nat want you to wait that long? You go on missions all the time, you should be an Avenger now.”

Lila wished she could’ve caught that on camera to show Mama later. It’s a conversation they’d had many times these past months.

“Don’t tell Mama but I think I should be too.”

Morgan giggled, then mimed zipping her lips.

Lila winked, which make Morgan giggle even more. Then just as suddenly she went serious again, that same concentrated look crossing her face.

“I think we should make you an Avenger, but it will be our secret.” She said whispering the last part.

“You think so? Well I already have a cool suit your daddy made, and I can fly the quinjet.—”

“And you go on missions!” Morgan interrupted.

 “I do. So what else do you think I need to be an official Avenger?” Lila asked a little teasingly, curious to see what Morgan might come up with.

She responded almost instantly, “You need a code name Birdy.”

It was something Lila had been thinking about too. She didn’t really need a pseudonym to be part of the team, not everyone had one, Thor for instance, but most of them did. Whether names they earned, were given or gave themselves.

She’d been thinking that perhaps Bird or Birdy was the obvious choice. Nearly everyone called her that anyway. Of course, she’d also contemplated taking up her dad’s mantle of Hawkeye. She suspected Mama was expecting that, though they hadn’t directly discussed it. But it didn’t quite feel right to take that title. Her father was Hawkeye, always would be, even though he was gone. The idea of honouring his legacy was appealing but perhaps in a different sort of way.  

Once again Morgan spoke up, “I think we should give you a code name now. Daddy has Iron Man, Mommy is Rescue, Uncle Steve is Captain ‘Merica, Uncle Bruce is Hulk. But what should you be?”

It was the question she’d asked herself a hundred times. She’d toyed around with a few ideas, was seriously considering Hawk or maybe Hawkling, but neither felt quite right.

Morgan stood from where she was sitting, walked to the pile of toys and picked out two figures. Lila couldn’t see which ones they were with Morgan’s back toward her. The little girl studied the toys intently for several long seconds.

Suddenly Morgan turned around, marched over and pushed one of the figures directly into Lila’s face.

“This is your daddy.”

Lila blinked at the toy, sure enough it was the action figure of him.

“His code name was Hawkeye” Morgan continued in a very matter of fact sort of tone. “And this,” she pushed the second figure into Lila’s face, “is your mama. But she’s my Auntie Nat too. Her name is Black Widow.”

Lila wasn’t quite sure where Morgan was going with this, but she nodded at the child.

Morgan shoved the two figures side by side.

“So your name should be both!” She said, voice rising with enthusiasm.

“Mor, I don’t think I can be Black Widow and Hawkeye, besides what about Auntie Nat, I don’t think she’ll want me stealing her name silly.” Lila teased, poking her in the belly.

Morgan rolled her eyes.

“No Birdy,” she sighed dramatically, “you should be Black Hawk.”

Lila froze, her breath hitching at what Morgan had done. The idea of combining names hadn’t crossed her mind, but it was so obvious now.  

“Morgan, it’s perfect.”

----

After dinner in the family dining room, Lila and Mama retired to their apartment.

“I’m going to take a shower, but you want to watch a movie afterward?”

“Sounds good,” Lila responded with a smile, though her mind was elsewhere.

She couldn’t stop thinking about her time with Morgan this afternoon. That kid was truly something else. She’d come up with it so simply, her first instinct was to take something from her father and her mama to create something that was perfectly her. She was each of them, all of them, her mother included, but unlike them her mother had never had a codename only an Agent number, and that would never do. Not when it was one of the few secrets Mama had managed to keep when she’d exposed all of Shield’s files so many years ago.

She wasn’t sure why she’d never considered the idea before, Lila supposed it was because she’d focused so much on her father, thinking of ways to honor his legacy. But this was better. It was him, but it was also Natasha. Her father would approve, she knew he would.

Lila hoped that Mama would too.

Now in her PJs with face washed and hair tied up, Lila flopped down on the couch, and waited.

When Mama joined her, a bowl of popcorn under one arm, she raised a brow in the direction of the silent TV.

Lila gestured for her to sit.

Setting the bowl down Natasha sat on the couch angling her body to face Lila.

“I wanted to talk about something” Lila started.

Natasha nodded.

“So I’ve been thinking a lot about a pseudonym. I know I don’t really need one, the whole secret identity thing sort of went out the window after the snap. But I don’t know, I just, I feel like I want one.”

“I’ve thought about it too. I figured you might want one and it’s perfectly fine if you do or don’t take one. Things are different now with the A-team, we're a motley assortment, and we’re out in the world differently than before. Some of us took those names because we had to stay hidden, some of us, like Cap and Rhodey had theirs thrust upon them. Not really names but titles. And then there’s Tony and Bruce who choose their own names, or Thor, Rocket and Nebula who are only themselves. In the end it doesn’t change who any of us are, but it does help give us identity.”

Lila was slightly taken aback by the speech, clearly she wasn’t the only one who’d been thinking about this.

“You can be Lila, or Bird, or even Hawkeye, I want you to have the choice of it, a choice I never got.”

Lila swallowed hard.

“I think I’ve decided on something, if you’re okay with it.”

Natasha raised her eyebrow again, the corner of her mouth ticking upward.

“Black Hawk.” Lila said simply.

There was not need to explain more.

Watching closely for Mama’s reaction, Lila noticed the tears shining in her eyes, the way she made an effort to swallow. Then Natasha reached out and tucked a piece of Lila's hair being her ear.

“It’s perfect.”

Chapter Text

It had been a week from hell, and Natasha just wanted to eat her sandwich in peace, then drag herself to bed. Not that she’d actually be able to sleep with Lila away. But the sentiment was there.

She was exhausted, and the meeting hadn’t really done any favors for her mood. Coupled with the fact that she always got a little extra edgy when the team was away- particularily when one of those team members happened to be her kid, and well, Natasha was kind of over the day.

It was weird how lonely and silent the compound was. There was an eerie sort of calm about the place that had her on edge. She was so used to the place teaming with activity and sound and life. But nearly everyone was away. Thor, Nebula and Rocket were off world. Banner had taken Lila on a mission, Rhodey and Tony were still off grid somewhere in the pacific ocean investigating that disturbance, Val had gone back to New Asguard and Pepper had taken Morgan away for the weekend.

She sighed, shoving half the PB&J in her mouth in an attempt to stop her thoughts.

Midway through chewing the sticky concoction someone knocked at the office door. Furrowing her brow she tried to speak, but found her mouth was too full to properly form the words.

A familiar face peaked around the corner, a grin on his face. 

“Don’t you know you’re not supposed to talk with food in your mouth?”

Natasha gave him the finger then swallowed the rest of her mouthful.

“What are you the manners police granps?”

“Ha ha, very funny.” Steve said as he stepped farther into the room.

Natasha just rolled her eyes, “what brings you down here, thought you were supposed to be taking the night off.”

“I was. But I know you haven’t left MC since Lila and Bruce left, thought I better check on you. See if you needed some dinner or some company.”

“I left to get this sandwich. Which coincidentally is my dinner.”

“Liar. I know you keep that stuff in here. Besides, PB&J hardly counts as dinner Nat. Come on, let’s go up to the kitchen and I'll fix us a proper meal.”

Before Natasha could protest, the screen in front of her beeped with an incoming alert from one of the front monitors.

Frowning she tapped the icon, causing a video feed to pop up onto the screen.

A figure was at the gate, waving his arms and babbling a string of words Natasha couldn’t process. All she could do was stare blankly at the projection. At a man she hadn’t seen in five years. One she never expected to see again.

Natasha shook herself, this couldn’t be real. She checked the incoming message, then eyes widening looked over to Steve. His mouth was hanging open, but he immediately turned his attention to her.

“Is that a previous recording?”

“No,” Natasha stammered, “it’s the front gate.”

Steve leapt into action, racing out of the room before Natasha was even out of her seat.

Fifteen minutes later, they were back in mission control, Natasha, Steve and Scott Lang.

Scott paced like a caged animal, manic energy radiating from him as she and Steve watched. She still couldn’t believe it was really him. He’d been cataloged as a victim of the snap. No one had seen or heard from him in five years, yet somehow he was here.

“Scott are you okay?” Steve asked, holding out his hands to stop Scott’s pacing.

“Yeah. Yes. Hey is that anyone’s sandwich? I’m starving.”

Scott grabbed the other half of her PB&J and devoured it within moments.

Then he stopped, took a breath and looked from Steve to Natasha.

“Have either of you ever studied quantum physics?”

“Only to make conversation,” she deadpanned.

Undeterred, Scott kept going, “okay so five years ago right before— I was in a place called the Quantum Realm. It’s like its own microscopic universe. Hope- my uh, she was my… she was supposed to pull me out. And then, you know, Thanos happened and I got stuck.”

“I’m sorry, that must’ve been a long five years,” Natasha said, this time with a little more sincerity.

Scott hesitated, looked her straight in the eyes and said, “yeah but that’s just it, for me, it was five hours.”

Her attention immediately shot to Steve. For just a second something in her went taut, like the tension of a bow pulled back, ready to fire.  

“In the Quantum Realm, time isn’t like it is here.” Scott pressed on.

“Scott what are you talking about.” Steve interjected, hands up in a clear gesture for Scott to slow down.

“Time works differently there. But the thing is we don’t have a way to navigate it. That’s the problem. But I keep thinking about if we could enter the Quantum Realm at a certain point, then exit at another point, like before Thanos.”

The tightness in her chest shifted, swelled, and suddenly Natasha felt like she was standing atop a precipice staring out over a vast canyon, her mind reeling.

“Are you talking about a time machine?” Steve asked, incredulous.

“No, not like that, actually yeah, like a Time Machine. I know it’s crazy.”

Natasha shook herself, focusing back on the guys.

“A racoon taut my daughter to fly a spaceship, not much seems crazy these days.”

Scott turned almost hopeful eyes toward her. She shrugged. The idea was a long shot to be sure, but if by some chance it wasn’t? Maybe they could actually fix this. Maybe, just maybe, they could bring everyone back. Sam and Bucky, Wanda, Strange, T’Challa and Shuri, Nick and Maria, Peter Parker, the Guardians, Cooper and Nate, Yelena, Laura, and Clint.

Natasha met Steve’s gaze and she knew he’d come to the same conclusion.

“Who do we talk to about this?”

“Well we’re going to need a really big brain.” Scott said, “someone who knows quantum physics.”

“Seems pretty obvious.” Natasha said, raising a brow.

Steve nodded.

“Tony,” Natasha said, at the same moment Steve said, “Bruce.”

All three of them chuckled a little.

“Well it’s a good thing we’ve got them both on speed dial. Not to mention a few others. I’ll raise them on coms.”

---

Tony arrived at the compound first. He’d barely gotten out of his suit before Scott was rambling at him in that excitable way he said.

“Woah slow down Lang, are you seriously talking about time travel?”

“I mean, theoretically yes? All I’m saying is that while five years passed for you guys, I was in the Quantum Realm and when I came out, I’d only lost five hours. There’s something there, I know it.”

“Okay bug-man I grant you, it’s an intriguing theory but quantum physics doesn’t work like that.”

“But this is more than physics. The Quantum Realm is a whole universe. It’s basically a different plane of reality. I understand how insane that sounds but I’ve been there. And it can’t be that much more insane then fighting a mad titan in space.” Scott argued.

Natasha quirked a smile at that, because, point.

“Seriously, we just have to follow the rules of time travel, you know, no talking to our past selves—”

“Let me stop you there, are you telling me you’re basing your entire theory on Back to the Future?” Tony asked.

“Not exactly.”

“Well good. Because it doesn’t work like that.”

Everyone turned toward the doorway, a very large, very green someone standing there looking incredulous.

“Welcome back jolly green. I gather you heard enough of that to see it’s absurd.”

Natasha watched as Bruce thought through the idea, she could almost seen the gears turning in his brain.

“Well, hypothetically, it could work. The time travel through Quantum space I mean, not the ‘Back to the Future’ thing.”

Tony scoffed but Natasha, Steve and Scott waited with baited breath.

“Bruce, it’s madness to even entertain this. Don’t get me wrong, I’d love to fix this and bring everyone back as much as the rest of you. But we can’t.’

“We have to take a stand.” Natasha said.

“We did take a stand. And here we are.”

“Tony.” Steve admonished.

“It’s insanity! We lost. End of story.”

“No. We have a chance to change things, why wont you listen? Just because it wasn’t your idea.” Steve said, stepping closer to Tony.

“Come on guys, you can’t be serious. I really thought we were moving forward,” Bruce said, exasperation clear in his tone.

“Just because you got luckier than most, doesn’t mean the rest of us didn’t lose people we love.” Steve shot back, voice rising.

“Boys!” Natasha shouted over their rising voices, quickly stepping between them.

For all the progress they’d all made these past five years, some wounds never truly healed. She turned to the other three.

"Give us a minute?"

Steve sighed and walked out, Scott trailing behind.

"Oh hey Bruce, where's bird?"

"She's fine Nat. Went to clean up, got a little messy." He said a little guiltily.

Natasha waved him off, as long as Lila was safe she was fine.

Bruce nodded then headed out, ducking a little to avoid hitting his head.

Then Natasha turned back to Tony, who was watching her, arms folded.

“Tony, I know you’ve got a lot on the line,” Natasha said, looking him directly in the eye, “I do too…” she trailed off.

Tony swallowed, and Natasha exhaled then continued.

“But we might have a chance to bring everyone back. Think about it, Morgan could finally get to meet everyone she’s only seen through our eyes, heard about through our stories. You could bring Peter back, Happy, Fury, all the others. You could bring my family back, Lila's family. And everyone else."

She took a breath as emotion swelled in her chest.

"I get why you're hesitant, truthfully, I worried too. There's a lot on the line. If I lost Lila, I don't think I'd survive it. But behind that fear I can't stop thinking about how we have a chance to make things right, try to make things better FOR our kids. How can you turn your back on that without giving it a chance?"

They stared at each other for a while, neither blinking, neither daring to look away. She and Tony were opposites in so many ways, yet of everyone in the compound, there was an inexplicable bond between them. Beyond the fact that Thanos’s actions and their failures had inadvertently given them both the most precious gifts. There was a bone deep sort of understanding. It was looking into someone else’s eyes and seeing all of them, even the parts they kept beneath a mask, the parts they never spoke aloud.

It was a bond forged over more than a decade. Forged from the moment Natalie Rushman had waltzed into his life and they'd locked gazes across the room. Because they were the same in so many ways. Stubborn, determined, resilient, neither of them knew how to take no for an answer, neither knew how to quit or back down. Yet unlike the righteousness that blazed in Steve, or the compassion for others that kept Bruce human, she and Tony were something else. Single minded and calculating, not selfish exactly, but if it came down to it, they’d damn the universe to save their families. They were forged in fire. 

Finally, Tony gave a slight nod, “I’ll think about it.”

She dipped her chin in acknowledgement, then stepped aside, allowing him to stride from the room.

When he’d gone she took a breath. She was under no false pretenses. If this quantum thing was even possible, it was risky, hugely so. If they messed with time, there was no telling what it might unleash. Yet, as she stood there, calculating, considering, the potential payoff seemed worth it.

She needed to talk to Lila.

There was a time not so long ago, she’d have hesitated. Something of this magnitude, a nuclear amount of hope with the potential to crush her daughter’s heart into a million pieces. Yet now? It was different. Lila was only a few monthsraway from legal adulthood. She was Natasha’s kid, yes, but she was also part of the team.

That made her lips quick up at the corner, if only Clint and Laura could see them now. She imagined their faces, Clint would be so proud, a wide grin and his eyes sparkling with love and joy as he looked between them. Laura would worry, her mouth set, lines creasing her brow, yet with a quiet acceptance shining in her dark eyes.

Natasha felt the emotions in her chest swell again. She shut her eyes and savored the imprint of her loves behind her eyelids.

After a few moments, they faded and she opened her eyes, set her shoulders and strode from the room to find her kid.

Chapter Text

“This could be our chance to undo the snap, bring everyone back,”  Natasha said, voice quiet.

Lila's entire body froze, she tried to swallow but it seemed that all her salvia had dried up, a lump of emotion lodged in her throat.

“I don’t really know how plausible this is," mama continued, "my knowledge of quantum physics is cursory. But the fact that Tony and Bruce didn’t outright shut it down suggests there’s something concrete in the plan.”

As Natasha talked, Lila held her gaze, afraid that if she blinked, everything would fall apart. That she might fall apart.

Mama kept talking, but the words weren’t truly sticking in her mind. She was struggling to grasp what Natasha was telling her. Five years was a long time. A long time in which everything had changed, in which she’d finally accepted the hand she’d been dealt. The loss of her family, that grief, it would never be gone. But Lila had learned to accept it, to live with it, live through it. And now there was a chance that they might be able to undo it all? Lila couldn’t wrap her mind around that. She felt like her conciousness was drifting out of her body, somehow hovering above where her body sat on the sofa beside mama.

Her chest tightened painfully, heart pumping uncomfortably, her palms slick with sweat. Still, mama talked on. About a guy Lila only knew from stories, going into some sort of micro-universe, a time traveling van and a rat.

Surprisingly, or maybe not given the strageness of her life, it was the news about the rat that pulled her back. The idea of a furry little rodent being the catalyst to save the entire universe violently jolting her back into her body.

Lila blinked hard, fighting back a sudden wave of tears building behind her eyes. She willed her raising panic to subside, she focused on taking a few deep breaths, letting them out slowly as she let Natasha voice drift into the background. Focusing inward Lila knew what she had to do. Of the many things she'd learned growing up in the compound, one of the most useful was the grounding technique Pepper had taught her. Lila inhaled.

One.

She rubbed her lips together, noticing the taste of her chapstick.

Two.

She inhaled deeply, catching a hint of the vanilla shampoo she and Natasha both used, and the lingering scent of vetiver from a candle on the side table.

Three.

Lila listened. To the low hum of the AC unit, the soft rustle of the trees outside their window, the melodic intonation of her mama’s voice.

Four.

She dug her toes into the rug, caressed the suede of their couch, then the slick fabric of her leggings, she pressed the fingernails of her left hand into her palm.

Five.

Lila looked at her mama. She focused on the platinum ends of her long hair, the gold flecks in her green eyes, the delicate arrow and bird necklaces at her throat, the creases at the corners of mouth, the ring on her left hand as she gesticulated in a way that reminded Lila of her dad.

She felt the tension in her chest ease, her heart rate slowing, the iron grip inside of her loosening.

“Bird?”

Lila inhaled a huge breath, audibly exhaled and met Natasha’s gaze.

“You okay?”

“Yes. No. I don’t know.” Lila said, trying to organize her thoughts. “I mean, if there’s a chance this could work? We have to try. But I just…”

“Don’t want to get your hopes up?” Natasha asked, sliding a little closer.

The movement brought her within arms reach, she lifted a hand and tucked a strand of Lila's newly dyed red-streaked hair behind her ear.

“Yes,” Lila whispered.

“Yeah, me too,” Natasha answered moving her hand to rest on Lila’s shoulder.

She leaned in, resting her forehead against mama’s, the comfort of the gesture grounding her. This was something they’d done as long as Lila could remember. In her very earliest memories she can still recall the touch of Natasha's forehead against her own.

She knew now that the gesture was something Natasha had started doing with her sister Yelena, from the time they were young. It was something Natasha did with the people she loved. Her sister, Lila's mom and dad, Cooper and Nate and Morgan. It was a simple touch, a link, a connection and a comfort. Lila had always loved it. As a kid she'd initiated the contact every chance she got until it was practically her verison of a hug. She smiled at the memory, soaking in the familiar warmth and comfort.

They stayed that way, the apartment silent while they both processed.

After several minutes Lila pulled back just enough to meet mama’s eyes again.  

“It’s more than just that though.” Lila admitted.

Furrowing her brow, Natasha waited.

Lila needed to voice her concerns aloud, no matter how horrible it made her.

“I want them back. I do. But—” she swallowed through the emotion, “we’ve built a new life, and I don’t want to lose that. Lose this family, these memories.”

Natasha’s gaze softened and she gently squeezed Lila’s shoulder.

“I understand baby bird, I don’t want to lose that either. None of us do. If we find a way to get the stones we won’t go back to how it was. The people who were snapped will be brought to our present. Nothing that’s happened will be gone or erased.”

Lila's shoulders sagged, as if Natasha’s words had lifted a huge weight.

She still had concerns, fears about what it might mean to bring everyone back. Selfishly a part of her didn’t want things to change. As much as she missed her mom and dad, and her brothers, Lila loved her life. She loved living at the compound with the team, loved the way Morgan launched herself into Lila’s arms every morning. She loved late nights with Rocket tinkering with whatever they could get their hands on, sparring sessions with Neb and Val, training with (and teasing) Steve, working with Bruce in the lab, going on missions, movie nights and family dinners every month with a table half full of holographic projections because no one was allowed to miss it, no matter where they were in the universe. Pepper’s orders.

But most of all, Lila loved her mama. She couldn’t imagine not being here, sharing their apartment, cooking and singing and dancing and sparring and laughing. Couldn’t imagine Natasha not being in the room next door with a hug or a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear or hands practiced at bandaging wounds. Couldn’t imagine going back to living her old life, in her old room in a farmhouse that she would no longer be able to call home.

In that moment Lila understood that she hadn’t simply survived Thanos’s snap, hadn’t simply lived in this new reality, she’d built a life. Moment by moment, brick by brick, joy and sadness, loss and love layered between like mortar.

Lila didn’t want to lose that.

She felt like a horrible daughter, a horrible sister, a horrible person. She was an Avenger now, it was her job to put others first, help them, protect them if she could. And here was her mama saying that they might be able to help bring everyone back, reunite families including her own, and she was wallowing. But she was afraid. Afraid to give up everything she’d gained in the wake of the tragedy. Did that make her awful?

It was the final straw, the tears that had been threatening for so long slid down her cheeks. She couldn’t find the words to verbalize what she’d only just now realized. But as was so often the case, Lila knew that Natasha saw and heard her truth.

“It’s okay to be afraid.” Natasha said softly, “I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared too. If it works, everything changes. If it doesn’t, it’s failure all over again. And in either case I worry about the price we might have to pay.”

Natasha held her as she cried, and though she pretended not to notice, Lila felt mama's own tears.

They stayed that way for a while, each of them clinging to the other.

But eventually the tears tried, Lila's resolve strengthend, her conviction growing with every beat her heart thumped in time to mama's.

"We've got to do this." Lila said, and through her voice was little more than a whisper, it was steady.

"We do." Natasha echoed.

"I'm terrified, but its the right thing. If there's even the smallest chance we can get them back, get everyone back."

Natasha pulled away, swiped hand across her cheeks to wipe away the remnants of tears before reaching over and doing the same for Lila.

"We built this life. But we can keep building, make it even better." Lila whispered.

"And the only way we can make it better is with them." Natasha replied.

Them.

Clint and Laura and Cooper and Nate and Yelena and Wanda and everyone else they'd lost.

Though it feels like a lifetime ago, Lila remembers what it felt like to watch footage of New York. To watch as her father leapt into danger, leapt from a literal building with nothing more than his courage and his bow and arrows. The awe she felt as she watched Natasha fling herself off of Cap's shield into a sky full of aliens. The two of them, ordinary humans without powers or billion dollar tech or the powers of gods, yet they chose to stand and fight. For New York and for the world.

She'd always hero worshiped Natasha, but after New York something inside of her changed. If she were the character in a comic book, Lila knew it would be her origin story moment. Because watching the TV as the team assembled for the first time, should've terrified her. She should've been scared or worried about her dad and her Auntie Nat, instead Lila watched with something like awe and pride swelling in her tiny chest. From that moment on something burned inside of her, a spark of hope, resiliance and conviction.

"This is who we are." Lila said that spark of conviction flaring inside her chest.

Natasha smiled at her, it was soft and a little watery.

"It is."