Archive of Our Own ^beta

Hoseok can still remember the exact place he was when he realized he was in love with Namjoon. He was seventeen. It was a sunny morning and Hoseok was standing in the shower, the hot water rolling down his body, steam fogging the glass of the mirror. The frosted glass of the small window was bright, and he was sleepy. It was early - just after six, and he always liked to get out of bed at least two hours before he needed to leave in those days, just to give himself enough time to wake up fully. He was working his shampoo through his hair, humming a song. At first he didn’t even notice he was doing it. It was a familiar song, one he heard often. He smiled, remembering that it was a song that Namjoon really liked, and so Hoseok heard it often when they would share earbuds on the bus to school. As he hummed the song he thought about Namjoon, and a certain image flashed in his mind. It was of Namjoon, smiling as he rode his bike along the river. The sunlight made him look ethereal, his dyed brown hair shining. His dimples popped, and his eyes narrowed from the force of his smile. His alpha scent, like a campfire, wafted on the breeze toward him, blanketing him like an embrace. It bloomed in Hoseok’s chest, like a flower, like a firework, and it nearly knocked him off his feet. His hands, covered in shampoo, dropped to his sides, and he stood staring, unseeing, at the wall for several long moments as he let the force of that realization flow over him. 

Hoseok also remembers the exact place he was in when he realized he was in love with Yoongi, a fellow omega. It happened in much the same way. He was still seventeen, though he would turn eighteen in just a few weeks, just before their penultimate year in high school ended. It was lunchtime, and outside the cafeteria windows the wind blew fiercely. Rain pelted those windows, and the world seemed muted, colorless as the storm raged. Yoongi, sitting beside Namjoon across from Hoseok, smelling like the softest cotton and lilac, remarked on how unseasonable the storm was, and he made an adorable perplexed face. Hoseok had probably seen him make that face a thousand times over the years, but something about that particular time… Once again it bloomed in Hoseok’s chest, a second flower to join the first, a second firework to light up the gray and gloomy world outside, and for a long moment, even despite the storm, Hoseok’s world was full of light and color. It was beautiful. 

Hoseok remembers the exact place he was when Yoongi and Namjoon told him they started dating. They were at the playground which was situated between their apartment buildings. Yoongi and Hoseok lived in building C, while Namjoon lived in building D. Though they were much too old to play on the structure, they went often to sit on the swings and hang out without needing to deal with their parents, and it was on that day that Hoseok sat on the swing with his two best friends, the two people he loved most in the world stood in front of him, and dropped the bomb. 

“We started dating a few weeks ago,” Namjoon admitted sheepishly, ducking his head and looking at his shoes. “We wanted to make sure it was real before we told you… just in case it wasn’t.”

“But it is,” Yoongi explained softly. “This won’t change anything, though. I promise. We’re still your best friends.”

This won’t change anything…

Hoseok still hears those words bounce around the expanse of his memory from time to time. Yoongi meant them. Namjoon did too, when he echoed them immediately after. How could they have known? How could they possibly have known that it would change? It had to change. 

They’re together now, Hoseok told himself that night as he lay in bed, curled around his favorite stuffed animal, hugging it tight to his chest as he cried as silently as he could manage. They have each other, and it doesn’t matter how you feel. It never mattered how you felt, because how could you feel the same way about two people? It’s unnatural. 

Unnatural. Hoseok heard that word a lot growing up. His parents didn’t approve of packs, nor their steady re-emergence into civilized society. 

“We are meant to be with one person, Hoseok-ah,” appa told him when he presented at fifteen. “One day, you’ll find yourself a nice alpha or beta, and you’ll mate and settle down. Don’t listen to these people talking about packs-“ Hoseok will never forget the way appa spat that word, like it was dirty. “There’s a reason we stopped forming packs! They’re unnatural. One person can’t love more than one other person!” 

Then how can I love both Namjoon and Yoongi? Hoseok agonized over that question. But after they dropped the bomb, he told himself it didn’t matter anymore, and he swept it under the rug, hoping that it would simply go away. 

But it didn’t. Every day Hoseok saw them together, saw them smile differently at each other than they did at him, saw them hold hands and kiss, saw them try to be subtle as they scented each other’s wrists. 

Every day it grew harder and harder to forget that he loved them. His heart hurt, each beat labored, like it was held in a vice grip which only squeezed tighter and tighter as the days passed. 

High school neared its end. College loomed. They’d always planned to go to the same school. There had never been a doubt in any of their minds that they would go to the same school. They would stay in Seoul, get an apartment together off campus. They would whisper together late at night during sleepovers when they were young and still unpresented about the kinds of things they would do in college, the parties they would go to, the trips they would take. 

Yoongi and Namjoon applied to Seoul National University. Hoseok did, too. He also applied to Pusan National University. They went to SNU, Hoseok went to PNU, and moved to Busan. 

They promised they would still talk, that it wouldn’t change anything. But Hoseok could see the hurt in their eyes when he told them he was going to Busan, rather than stay in Seoul with them. It nearly ripped his heart out. But that’s exactly why he had to do it. I can’t do this anymore, he thought, sobbing into his pillow just before he told them, and those same words repeated on a loop afterward. I love you both, and you would be disgusted if you knew. That’s why I have to go. He hoped they would understand some day. 

They did talk, at first. They texted every day, and talked on the phone a few times a week. But as the weeks passed, those calls became rare, and the texts few. One day Hoseok realized he hadn’t heard from either of them in a few days, and then a week, and then it had been a month with nothing. 

It’s for the best… Hoseok hoped that if he kept telling himself that, one day he might believe it.

Sometimes Hoseok closes his eyes and tries to trace all the lines that have led him to where he is. They criss-cross and intersect, they run parallel. Sometimes they converge before splintering once again. Sometimes one small thing, one single choice creates a hundred new lines in the map of his life. He squeezes his eyes shut and tries to trace the lines on that map, tries to make sense of the jumbled mess of choices he’s made in his life. 

The train rumbles to a stop and he opens his eyes. They flit toward the window, but the bright sunlight stuns him, sending a jolt through his nervous system, a shock after sitting in the dark of closed eyes for so long. The baby flutters, as if reprimanding him. Absently he pats his small bump, and then he heaves himself from his seat. He reaches up and retrieves his backpack from the shelf above the row of seats. Beside him people shuffle down the aisle, but when he turns, the line pauses to allow him to join the flow. He nods in thanks to the woman waiting, who smiles and nods in return. 

His suitcase is heavy, and he nearly falls as he descends the steps onto the platform. He catches himself on the metal wall of the train, and then he shuffles to the side to catch his breath. Adrenaline from the near fall courses through him, and the baby flutters again. They’ve been doing that a lot lately. Hoseok read that it can be due to stress levels, and so he takes a deep breath, trying to calm himself down. 

“Excuse me, are you alright?” 

Hoseok looks up at the woman addressing him. She’s older, and has that calm, warm scent that older omegas tend to have. He makes himself smile, and nod. “Thank you, I’m fine. Almost tripped, that’s all.”

“Alright, be careful.” As she says this she smiles, her eyes flicking down toward his midsection. A kernel of resentment blooms in his belly at her assumption that he’d do anything to deliberately endanger his child. He bites his tongue, so he doesn’t say something rude. She didn’t mean it that way, he tells himself. He nods, and lifts the handle on his suitcase and walks away. 

At the end of the platform is a set of escalators that lead up into the station proper. It’s been a long time since Hoseok has been to Seoul Station, but it hasn’t changed much, aside from boasting more food vendors than it did when he was last here. He passes them by, though his stomach rumbles in response to the delicious food smells wafting toward him. Jimin and Jeongguk are waiting, so he allows himself to be swept into the current of people leaving the platform and into the station. 

They texted him that they would be waiting by the Baskin Robbins, and as he approaches it he sees them. From a distance, they look unchanged. It’s been a few years since Hoseok has seen them, but the moment they see him, their faces light up, and joy sparks in Hoseok’s chest. He smiles, lifting a hand to wave as they both jump up and down, smiling widely and waving their arms. 

“Hyung!” they cry at the same time as he reaches them, and they throw their arms around him, squeezing him tightly. 

“Hey guys,” Hoseok says into their ears, hugging them back. For a long moment he allows himself to bask in their excitement to see him, in their warmth and familiarity. Finally they pull back. 

“We missed you, hyung,” Jimin says, squeezing his arm. 

“I missed you guys, too.” 

Jeongguk takes his backpack from him, and Jimin commandeers his suitcase, and together they turn to leave the station. “How was the trip?” Jimin asks. 

“It was fine, no problems. I mostly slept,” he says, shrugging. 

They talk about light, easy things as they make their way toward where Jimin says he parked his car. When they reach it, Jeongguk hefts his suitcase into the trunk, and Hoseok sits gratefully in the back seat. He’s been so tired. He closes his eyes for a moment, and then he hears the front two doors slam shut, and he opens them again. 

“Don’t worry hyung,” Jimin says, and Hoseok looks up at his eyes in the rear view mirror. “We’ll be home soon, and you can rest.”

Home… This is home again, isn’t it? Seoul hasn’t been home in so long. He’s come full circle once again, back where it all began. But things are different this time. 

Jimin and Jeongguk live in a nice apartment, a product of their success in life. Jimin is a model, Jeongguk a highly sought after photographer. Their building in Gangnam is new, shining, reaching high into the sky, and they live high above all the regular people who inhabit this city. Not on the top floor, but close. When they finally emerge into the brightly lit apartment, Hoseok’s eyes go wide. He’s seen pictures on his friends’ instagrams, but he’s never been here before. 

The entryway opens into a huge living area. The floor is a light polished wood, and the walls are bright white - the bit of wall that’s visible behind the pictures that cover them. There are all kinds of shots, landscapes, artsy prints of architecture, and of course, photos of Jimin. Hoseok recognizes some from campaigns he’s done over the years, but there are others - photos of Jimin and Jeongguk together, photos of Jimin dancing. The effect is stunning, and Hoseok can barely choke out a “wow” before he’s being ushered into a pair of soft, new slippers. He takes off his coat when Jimin bids him hand it over so he can hang it in the closet to the left of the door. Jeongguk, with his backpack over his shoulder and his suitcase in hand, beckons Hoseok to follow him. 

Jeongguk stops at a door halfway down the hall. “This was the guest room, but it’s yours now, hyung,” he explains, opening the door and leading the way inside. Hoseok and Jimin both follow, and once again Hoseok’s jaw drops. The room is spacious, with an absolutely enormous window on the wall opposite the door. 

“You can stay as long as you want, okay hyung?” Jimin says, gently touching his arm. “You’re not a guest, you’re family. And when the baby comes… We want to help you.”

Hoseok’s stomach flips, and he fights valiantly against the urge to pull his arm out of Jimin’s grip. He manages, and forces himself to give his friend a small smile. “Thank you, Jimin-ah, Jeongguk-ah. It- It means a lot to me.” They both beam at him, and he feels the storm in his chest calm slightly. Jimin squeezes his arm once more, and then lets go so he can flit around the room, showing Hoseok where he can find everything from extra sheets and blankets, to towels. He has his own bathroom attached to the bedroom, and it’s stocked with everything he could need. 

“Our home is your home, so help yourself to anything in the kitchen, okay? Anything,” Jimin stresses, the omega in him pressing him to take care of Hoseok. His scent, which along with Jeongguk’s already clings to everything in the house, grows stronger, tinged with something heavier than the smile on his face. 

I’m different , Hoseok thinks. Not the same Hobi-hyung you knew… 

“Um, I’m pretty tired…” he says, shifting on his feet. “I kind of just want to take a nap.”

“Of course, hyung. We’ll let you get settled. If you need anything, just let us know, okay?” Jeongguk says, Jimin nodding beside him. 

“Thanks, I will.” He watches them leave, the door shutting silently behind them, and finally, blessedly, he’s alone. The baby flutters, then, reminding him that he’s never truly alone. 

He spends some time unpacking. He doesn’t have much so it doesn’t take long, and less than a half hour later all of his clothes are arranged neatly in the dresser. He hung up his shirts and jackets in the closet, and he put his few toiletries in the bathroom. He pulls his laptop from his backpack and sets it on the table beside the bed, and he neatly stacks the few books he brought with him on top. When he’s done he surveys his surroundings, a small frown on his face. 

His lack of material possessions didn’t seem quite so apparent when he lived in a shoebox studio apartment in Seomyeon, but here? His bedroom looks hardly more occupied than it did before he put everything he owns away. Oh well, he thinks. At least it was easy to move. 

He goes to the bathroom, and washes his hands and face in the sink, before stripping off his jeans and t-shirt and climbing under the blankets in just his boxers. He lies on his back, one arm curled around his belly, the other under his pillow, and stares at the ceiling until he falls asleep. 

Hoseok sleeps for two hours, and by the time his eyes open again the sun has set. He blearily pulls himself out of bed, groggy from sleeping so deeply during the day, and puts on a pair of baggy sweats and an overlarge sweatshirt. It hides his still small bump, and when he looks in the mirror he can almost pretend he didn’t get himself knocked up. Usually when he does that these days, the baby flutters at him, just to remind him of the truth. 

He slides on the slippers Jimin and Jeongguk gave him, and heads out into the living room. The TV is on, but the couch is empty. A delicious smell wafts in from the kitchen, and he heads that way. Jeongguk is stirring something in a pot on the stove, Jimin is sitting on the counter. 

“Hey,” he says, stepping inside and leaning against the counter. “That smells good, what are you making?”

“Jjamppong!” Jeongguk says, smiling. “Perfect timing, it’s almost ready.”

“Is there anything you’ve been really craving, hyung? We can get it!”

“Ah, don’t go to any trouble.”

“It’s no trouble,” Jimin insists, his expression painfully earnest.

“I haven’t really started having any cravings yet,” Hoseok says weakly. He shifts, crossing his arms. “Um, I wanted to say thanks again, for letting me stay with you guys. I’m going to get a job, and save up for my own place, and I’ll be out of your hair in a couple months, tops.”

Both of his friends stilled as he spoke, and by the expressions on both of their faces, Hoseok might think he just told them someone died. “I just don’t want to be a burden…”

“Hyung, you’re not a burden,” Jeongguk says firmly. “You’re our friend, and we love you, and we want to be there for you.”

“You deserve help, Hobi-hyung. You didn’t get into your situation alone, and you shouldn’t have to go through it alone. Let us be there for you.”

Taken aback, Hoseok stares at them for a long minute. Then, wretchedly, his stupid hormones make him cry. He sniffs hard, looking up, trying to keep the tears from falling, but as soon as he blinks, they break free. Jimin makes a dismayed sound, and Hoseok hears his slippered feet hit the marble floor a second before a pair of strong arms wrap around him. “Don’t cry, hyungie,” he whispers. 

“I can’t help it,” Hoseok says, laughing despite the warring feelings inside him. On one side, he’s elated to have such love and support in his life again - it’s been a long while since Hoseok has felt like he could really lean on someone else. But on the other side, he’s profoundly ashamed of himself. He’s ashamed that he got himself into this mess, and he’s ashamed that he couldn’t pull himself through it alone. 

He hugs Jimin for a moment longer before he lets himself pull away. He wipes his eyes, exchanges a meaningful look with Jimin, and then Jeongguk declares dinner is ready.

After they’re all pleasantly full, they move into the living room. “I was serious about getting a job,” Hoseok says, and takes a sip from his peach water. “I can’t do nothing, I’ll lose my mind.” His friends laugh softly. 

“That’s true. I don’t think I’ve ever seen you truly idle,” Jimin remarks. Then he gasps and sits up straighter. “Didn’t Taehyung mention recently firing one of his baristas?” Hoseok’s brow furrows in confusion, but Jeongguk hastily swallows the beer in his mouth to say, “He did!”

“I wonder if he’s replaced them yet?”

“I’ll text him.”

“What?” Hoseok asks, laughing. 

“Oh,” Jeongguk says. “Our friend owns a cafe not far from here. It’s a really nice place!”

“Do you think you’d be okay with being a barista?” Jimin’s voice is a little tentative, but he brightens slightly when Hoseok nods. 

“Yeah, for sure. A job is a job. I have no experience though.”

“That’s fine, I’m pretty sure the last guy didn’t either.”

“But he got fired…?”

Jeongguk snorts, and Jimin laughs, shaking his head. “Not for being a bad barista - he got fired for stealing.”

“Yikes.”

“Yeah,” Jeongguk says. 

“Have you known Taehyung for long?” Hoseok asks, stretching his legs out in front of him. He flexes his feet and stretches his neck, letting out a soft groan as it cracks. 

“We met him a few months after we came to Seoul.” Jimin pauses, taking a sip of his wine. “I actually work with his mate sometimes - Kim Seokjin?”

“He’s a model too?” Hoseok asks, and Jimin nods, tapping on his phone. A moment later he turns it toward him, and Hoseok takes in the picture. It looks like an ad campaign shot, where Jimin is in an incredibly expensive looking suit, with an equally expensive watch on his wrist. Beside him is a man wearing the same watch and suit. He’s beautiful, and Hoseok recognizes him. 

“Oh yeah, I’ve seen him.”

“He’s a really nice guy. So is Taehyung,” Jimin replies, his voice reassuring. “They’re both betas, and really great people.” Hoseok smiles, nodding.

“I trust you, Jimin-ah.”

“He texted me back!” Jeongguk exclaims, and both Jimin and Hoseok turn toward him. “He says he’d love to meet Hoseok-hyung. Does tomorrow sound good?”

“Sure,” Hoseok says, surprised. “That was easy,” he laughs.

“It’s all about who you know,” Jimin says, a little smug.

“Okay, tomorrow at nine?” Hoseok nods, and Jeongguk taps on his phone for another moment before putting it down, an accomplished look on his face. 

They’re quiet for another moment, until Jimin clears his throat softly.” Um, hyung… Can I ask who…?”

Hoseok unconsciously looks down at his stomach, where his hands rest laced together. He was expecting this question. In fact, he’s surprised they lasted this long before asking. He clears his throat, his ears burning. “The truth is… I don’t know, exactly,” he says, his voice soft. Before either of them can say anything, he continues, the rest of his face burning now. “There was a party, and everyone was really drunk. I remember meeting an alpha who seemed nice - he was just as drunk as I was - and obviously we slept together, but I don’t remember anything else. I never got his name, and I don’t remember what he looked like. It was… an accident.” 

“Did you try to find him?” Jeongguk asks softly, and Hoseok shakes his head. 

“I wouldn’t even know how to go about it. The party was a friend of a friend’s party, and I only knew one person there. It was on the other side of Busan from home, and there were a lot of people there.” Hoseok heaves a sigh, a wave of emotions crashing over him, a combination of everything he’s felt since that first time he threw up for no reason, and ice flooded his veins as he remembered the party, the nameless faceless alpha who is little more than a sensation of a memory in his mind. He went to the hospital the next day and it was confirmed and Hoseok spent three hours walking aimlessly through the park down the street. He feels the shame, the fear that coursed through his veins for weeks, and still does in calm quiet moments when he lies in bed alone. He takes a slow, deep breath, willing those feelings away. He opens his eyes and looks at his friend, smiling sadly. “It was an accident… and.” He takes another deep breath, gathering his courage to say the words aloud which have been in his chest since those hours walking around the park by the hospital. “I’m not keeping the baby,” he whispers. 

“You- What?” Jimin asks, shock plain on his face. 

“I’m going to give them up for adoption. To a family who want them, and who have the means to take care of them. I can’t provide for a baby.” He’s speaking so softly he’s not even sure if they can hear him. “I can barely take care of myself.”

“Hyung…” Jeongguk starts, but he doesn’t finish his sentence. Hoseok puts on a smile, nodding once. 

“Some family will love and take care of this baby, and give them the life they deserve.”

The cafe is a bright space, filled with green plants and plush seats around marble topped tables. It’s just as nice as Jimin and Jeongguk said it was, and Hoseok lingers in the entryway for a moment simply taking it in. There’s a neon sign on one wall with stylized English letters saying something Hoseok can’t read, and there are a few pictures scattered artfully around the space. One wall is entirely windows with a glass door at the end, and on the other side Hoseok sees a porch with outside seating. It’s just before nine, and the cafe is mostly empty. There’s soft jazz music playing over the speakers. 

Yeah, I could work here, Hoseok thinks absently as he looks around. 

“Ah!” a voice calls from his right. He turns to look at the counter, and the young man behind it wearing a green apron over a loose shirt with flowing sleeves. He’s quite handsome, with a strong jaw and long curly hair. “You must be Hoseok-ssi.” He comes out from behind the counter and approaches. 

“Yes, you must be Taehyung-ssi?” 

The other man nods, and gestures toward an empty table. “Please, let’s sit!” Hoseok does, and Taehyung sits across from him, smiling widely. “How are you?”

“I’m doing well, and yourself?”

“Oh good, good. So, do you have any experience as a barista?”

“No,” Hoseok says, grimacing. “Is that a problem?”

“No, not at all. It’s easy, you’ll pick it right up. When can you start?”

Hoseok stares at him for a long moment, taken aback. “Um, Taehyung-ssi, is there nothing else you want to know about me?”

“Not before offering you the job, no. If Jimin and Jeongguk say you’re a good person, I trust them. Anything else, we can learn organically, don’t you think?” he asks, smiling widely. 

Hoseok can’t help but laugh, and he nods. A thought occurs to him, however, and he sobers up. “Um, I’m not sure if Jeongguk mentioned it, but I think you should know before hiring me that I’m pregnant,” he says softly, trying to keep his voice from carrying across to the few other patrons. “And I’m not mated.” Taehyung nods, thoughtfully. 

“Okay, well you’ll be able to take any time you need for appointments, and after the baby comes, you’ll get maternity leave, of course. We’ve got a stool behind the counter so you can sit when there aren’t any customers to serve. It’s not a problem!” Once again taken aback, Hoseok blinks. Slowly, however, he begins to feel at ease. Taehyung seems to be a peculiar person, but Hoseok finds that he likes him. It’s refreshing to be around someone who takes things in stride. 

“I can start any time,” Hoseok says. 

“Why not today?” 

“Why not?” They smile at each other for another moment, before standing together and making their way behind the counter.

When Hoseok returns to Jimin and Jeongguk’s home later in the afternoon, it’s with a work schedule in his phone, and a sense of accomplishment in his chest. Both Jimin and Jeongguk are still out, so Hoseok pads quietly through the empty, silent apartment toward his room and toward the deep bathtub in his bathroom. 

He really likes Taehyung. Hoseok has to admit, it’s nice to meet someone who doesn’t give him any special treatment due to his condition. It’s nice to pretend for a while. He runs himself a bath and sits on the closed toilet lid while he waits for it to fill. He opens his email, and goes to the one Taehyung sent him before he left with his schedule. He’ll have the morning shift with Taehyung for a week while he’s training, and then he’ll work the afternoon shift by himself, with Wednesdays and Thursdays off. Taehyung likes to keep his staff small, so there are only two other employees - Hoseok didn’t meet them today, but he’s sure he will at some point. 

He’s excited to have work again. Jimin was right, Hoseok has never done well being idle, and it’s now been a few weeks since he got fired. The tub fills, and he turns the water off before standing, undressing, and climbing in. The water feels wonderful, and Hoseok smiles as he settles down in it. The tub is deep enough that he can lie completely submerged, so he settles with the water up to his neck, and his feet propped up on the edge. He closes his eyes, picturing himself in a few months, when his belly is round and huge - it’ll stick out in even this tub. 

His mind wanders over the last few weeks, the whirlwind they’ve been. He got fired two weeks ago, and it took him a week of alternately panicking and moping before he realized he needed help. He couldn’t have afforded his apartment for much longer without a job, and no one - except, perhaps, Kim Taehyung - will hire a visibly pregnant, unmated omega. 

I’m sorry, Hoseok-ah, but I can’t have someone like you working with the kids. What kind of example are you setting for them? What will their parents say?

His former boss at the dance hagwon is a kind woman, but she’s an older, traditional alpha. He understands why she fired him. But it still upsets him to think about it. Hoseok takes a deep breath, letting it out slowly, trying to let that anger go. It doesn’t matter anymore. He has a new job, he has his friends to help him. Eventually he’ll have saved up enough for his own apartment. It probably won’t be here in Gangnam, but he’s okay with a commute. So long as he’s got work, he’ll be okay.

And in five-ish months, the baby will be with their new family, and Hoseok can pretend it never happened, and move on with his life.

The days pass quickly at first, as Hoseok gets used to his new routine, and gets settled at work. He learns more about coffee and tea than he ever thought he would, and he finds he genuinely enjoys it. He spends his free time hanging out with Jimin and Jeongguk, and exploring Seoul for the first time in years - steering clear of his old neighborhood. No need to dreg up those old memories. He hasn’t spoken to his family in years now, and he hasn’t even thought about them in a long time. 

Perhaps that’s why, two and a half weeks since he arrived back in Seoul, Hoseok wakes from the most vivid dream he’s had in a long time. 

In the dream, Hoseok sat on the swings at the playground of his childhood home. He was swaying back and forth idly, while Yoongi and Namjoon stood beside him, talking animatedly over whether English rap was better than Korean rap, or vice versa. It was a debate they had often in high school, and Hoseok, who liked both equally, usually sat out during those debates, preferring to watch instead, always with a smile on his face. Hoseok smiled widely, watching the two people he loves the most in this world getting heated as they debate the music that they all love. His chest was warm, glowing as warm as the sun shining down on them. As he lies there in his dark room, Hoseok stares at the ceiling, marveling over just how real that dream felt. 

His chest tightens, a lump forming in his throat as their faces swim through his mind. It’s been eight years since he’s seen them, seven since they’ve spoken. A swarm of questions buzz around inside him - how are they? Are they still together? Are they still in Seoul? 

Do they hate me?

He wouldn’t blame them if they did. They tried to keep in contact. They both texted him, they called him. It was Hoseok who stopped responding to their texts. It was just… too painful. He loved them too much. Hoseok drifts back to sleep thinking about how much he loved them.

In the morning, when he wakes with the light of the sun streaming across his bed, his heart feels heavy. He’s been closed off from feelings of them for so long now, he forgot how hard it was to carry it around, to get up every morning with the incredible weight of his love for them, and no way to unburden himself from it. 

As he brushes his teeth that morning, he remembers his appa’s words from so long ago - Unnatural! It doesn’t matter that Hoseok had a falling out with them over his life choices years ago, that particular idea of theirs is the one Hoseok can’t let go of. Not that he’s really tried…

He tries to put them back out of his mind. Even if he did see them again, he’s certain they will want nothing to do with him. He goes about his days as he’s become accustomed to doing - waking late, as his fatigue has been getting better, but not going away entirely yet, spending his mornings with Jimin or Jeongguk, depending on their work schedules. He goes to work at one, and stays until the cafe closes at nine. He schedules his doctor’s appointments for his days off, and he starts looking for a reputable adoption agency. He meets Taehyung’s mate, Seokjin, and instantly takes a liking to him. The two of them come to Jimin and Jeongguk’s for dinner and movie nights, and Hoseok really enjoys having friends around again, and he can almost feel it awakening something long dormant in him - genuine joy at living. He spent too long alone, when he was not built for solitude. It ate away at him, causing him to become a person he barely recognized, a person who made poor choices in a vain attempt at a connection with anyone except those people he truly wants to connect with. He can feel it sloughing off like an old scab, finally healing. 

But through it all, he carries the weight of his past choices. Of the feelings he’s starting to think might not have gone away. He finds himself daydreaming around them in idle moments at the cafe, wondering about their lives. He dreams about them - not every night, but often enough to prevent him from putting them out of his mind once again. 

He finds himself thinking about them often enough that when Yoongi walks into the cafe on a Tuesday, a month after he started working there, Hoseok thinks he’s hallucinating. It’s a sunny afternoon, just starting to really warm as spring truly arrives. The white walls of the cafe are bright, and the sun shines on the green of all the plants, making their color more vibrant. 

Hoseok is sitting behind the counter, listening to the gentle music playing over the speakers. Taehyung told him he can put on whatever music he wants when he’s working, and today he decided on soft piano music. Next to the credit card reader sits the small ultrasound printout. Hoseok almost didn’t take it from the doctor, but he couldn’t help himself. He’s spent more time than he’d like to admit to staring at it in the few days since his appointment last Thursday, and he’s staring at it when he hears the tinkle of the bell chime as the door opens. 

“Welcome in,” he calls, as he always does, his eyes reluctantly pulling away from the sonogram.

It seems almost as if time slows as Hoseok’s eyes lift toward the door, smiling to greet the customer. Yoongi is wrapped in a black wool coat, a thick scarf slung around his neck. He’s wearing a blue beanie, sunglasses, and beneath the coat he wears ripped jeans and black boots. He pulls off his sunglasses, not having seen Hoseok yet. He puts the sunglasses in his pocket, and unwraps his scarf. He takes slow steps into the cafe, turning toward a table at the back of the cafe. He meanders over to it and pulls his phone and sunglasses back out of his pocket and sets them on the table. He pulls his scarf from around his neck and sets that, too, on the table. Then he unbuttons his coat slowly, and pulls it off his shoulders before lying it over the back of the chair. 

Hoseok watches all of this with wide eyes, his heart pounding. The baby kicks him - for they’ve moved past simply fluttering and onto full on kicking him - but Hoseok almost doesn’t notice. Yoongi pulls off his beanie and ruffles his fluffy black hair. He picks his phone up from the table and turns toward the counter as he starts tapping on it. He walks slowly, calmly, looking at his phone. 

He’s just as beautiful as he was eight years ago…  

As Yoongi nears the counter, Hoseok’s stomach lurches - suddenly he wants to hide, he wants to run away, he wants to-

Hoseok’s staring at Yoongi’s beautiful face, so he catches the exact moment when Yoongi looks up to see who is standing behind the counter. His eyes go wide, his lips part in surprise, and his hands fall to his sides. The baby kicks again, likely because Hoseok’s heart is racing, pounding so hard Hoseok thinks it’ll beat right from his chest. He braces himself for the way Yoongi’s face will surely close off, anger creeping into those beautiful eyes. 

Only… Yoongi smiles. “Hoseok-ah?” he whispers, disbelief plain in his voice. 

“Hi, hyung,” Hoseok whispers back. The next moment hangs suspended between them, light and bright as the knot in Hoseok’s chest loosens a little bit. Yoongi looks like he can’t fully believe what he’s seeing, but he’s still smiling. Then, he moves to shove his phone into his pocket. 

“Oh my god, I’m so happy to see you!” Yoongi exclaims, his smile widening, showing off his gums, and oh, how Hoseok missed that smile. Missed him. “When did you get back to Seoul? How long have you been working here?”

“About a month now, for both. Do you come here often?”

“Yeah! Namjoon and I are good friends with Taehyung and his mate. We just got back from a long trip. Oh my god, I can’t believe you’re here!”

“You and Namjoon are still together? That’s great, hyung.” Hoseok smiles, and finds he genuinely means those words. Yoongi nods, and then his gaze drifts from Hoseok’s face for the first time, and his eyes widen when he sees Hoseok’s unmistakable baby bump.

“You’re having a baby?” he asks softly, his eyes still wide, and Hoseok nods. “Congratulations.” The word is almost sad, and Hoseok has no idea what to make of it. Yoongi shakes his head once, and his bright smile is back. “When’s your shift over? Do you want to get dinner? Catch up?”

Hoseok doesn’t allow himself the time to talk himself out of it, he simply nods again. “Yeah, I would. I missed you.” The words slipped out, but they’re true, and he doesn’t regret them, not when Yoongi’s gaze softens.

“I missed you, too.”

They stare into each other’s eyes for a long moment, the weight of the distance between them - eight long years - threatening to pull them both down. But the moment is broken when the bell above the door chimes, and another customer walks in. “Um, I close, so I get off at nine. If that’s too late for dinner-”

“It’s not!” Yoongi says quickly.

“Okay. Meet here at nine, then?” Yoongi nods, seeming to smile with his whole body. “Did you want some coffee?” he asks, teasing slightly. 

“Ah, yeah,” he laughs, and the sound is like music to Hoseok’s ears. He orders two americanos to go, and reluctantly walks back to the table he left all his things on to wait while Hoseok makes his drinks. Hoseok takes the other customer’s order, and then sets about making the coffee. He can't help sneaking glances over to Yoongi, though, hardly able to believe he’s really there. Hoseok has spent so many of his waking and dreaming hours over the last few weeks thinking about Yoongi and Namjoon, that he’s having a hard time believing he’s not dreaming right now. He almost pinches himself, but stops, just in case it is a dream. He doesn’t want to wake up just yet. 

He finishes both orders, and Yoongi lingers back while the other customer grabs his drink and goes. He’s bundled back up in his layers, looking small and so beautiful that Hoseok wants to cry. When he picks up the two coffees he shifts his weight from foot to foot. 

“It’s really good to see you again, Hoseok-ah,” he says softly, his eyes so sincere it makes Hoseok’s heart throb. “We really missed you.”

“You too, hyung.” Hoseok takes a deep breath, grounding himself. “I’ll see you tonight?”

“See you tonight.”

As soon as the door shuts behind Yoongi, Hoseok collapses onto the stool, as if the adrenaline from the encounter leaves him all at once. He’s glad the cafe is almost empty, with just a few students in the far corner sitting huddled around their textbooks, headphones stuffed in their ears as they study together. He takes a deep breath, wrapping his arms around himself. The high of seeing Yoongi again, the surprise at his delight to see Hoseok again, fades a bit, and he starts to think. What am I going to tell them? If they ask him why he stopped talking to them all those years ago, what can he say? 

I stopped talking to you both because I was in love with you and it was too hard to see you both together. Oh, and apparently I’m still in love with you. 

The words make him snort, and he has to fight hard against the hysteria rising in his chest. Of course I’m not going to tell them that. 

He opens his group chat with Jimin and Jeongguk and lets them both know that he ran into a friend from high school, and they’re going to dinner after his shift, and so he won’t be back till late, and immediately they both text back with a string of questions about who and when and where, but he ignores them. 

Hoseok never told Jimin and Jeongguk about Yoongi and Namjoon. Not explicitly, at least. There were allusions to his close friends from high school, of course, and once or twice Hoseok might have mentioned that he’s been in love before, but he never gave any specifics, and his friends were able to read him well enough that they never pried. 

The rest of the afternoon and early evening drags. There’s a small rush around five, as people get off work and want a late afternoon pick-me-up, but then it’s the usual slow stream of students and workaholics who come in to sit and slowly drink their coffee or tea as they study or work. At six-thirty Hoseok has a cheese bagel for a snack, but regrets it a half hour later when he’s got heartburn from hell. He makes himself drink some tea, hoping it might help settle his stomach, but he’s nervous. He’s excited to see them again, to spend time with them and talk to them. But he’s also afraid of what they’ll say. He’s afraid to tell them about the way his life has gone these last eight years. They’re still together, and Yoongi said that they just got back from a long trip, so clearly they’re doing very well for themselves. Hoseok… He shakes his head before he can start pitying himself. All that will do is put him in a bad mood, so he does his best to shove it all away. 

Finally eight forty-five comes around, and Hoseok moves around the cafe as quickly as he can, his belly starting to really become inconvenient as he wipes down all the tables, closes the blinds, and cleans up behind the counter. He manages to finish it all only a few minutes after nine, and then he’s pulling on his coat, and heading outside. He locks the door to the cafe, and turns around. He doesn’t immediately see them and for a split second he starts to think they aren’t coming. 

But then he hears his name behind him, and he turns to find the two people he loves most in the world walking toward him. “Hoseok-ah!” Namjoon calls, his steps speeding up.

“Hi, Namjoon-ah,” he says. Then Namjoon surprises him by pulling him in for a tight hug. Stunned, Hoseok hesitates for a split second. But he relaxes and reaches up to hug him back.

“When Yoongi-hyung told me he saw you, I almost didn’t believe him. We missed you,” Namjoon says into his hair as he hugs him. Having him so close, having his scent right there, it makes Hoseok’s heart race. The baby kicks hard, right against where Namjoon’s own stomach presses against him. He jumps and wrenches back, eyes wide. With a little space between them, Hoseok calms down a little, and a prickle of embarrassment creeps up his neck.

“Ah,” he laughs softly, awkward. “You felt that?” He puts his hand on his belly as Namjoon looks at him with a strange mix of emotions on his face - awe and joy are there, which Hoseok has come to learn is fairly normal when people learn an omega is expecting. But Namjoon’s face also contains the same sadness that Hoseok saw in Yoongi’s eyes earlier that day. 

Yoongi steps up to them smiling, and holds his arms up. “Can I get a hug too?”

“Of course, hyung!” Hoseok says with a smile, rushing to wrap his arms around him. His proximity does the same thing to Hoseok’s heart as Namjoon’s did, and the baby once again kicks, clearly excited because Hoseok is excited. Yoongi must feel it, because he laughs and pulls back, squeezing his shoulders gently, before dropping them to his sides. 

“Yah, stop kicking my friends,” Hoseok mumbles, rubbing his stomach. Namjoon snorts, and Yoongi smiles. “So, where do you want to eat?”

They decide to go to a small soup shop around the corner, which is mostly empty. The smiling ahjumma leads them to a comfortable table in the corner, and Hoseok sits in one of the chairs, while Yoongi and Namjoon slide onto the bench across from him. “Hm, what sounds good?” Namjoon muses, turning to read the menu up on the wall. “I think I want the udong,” he says a moment later. 

“Doenjang jjigae,” Yoongi says after considering it, his tone certain. “Hobi?”

Hoseok had been too busy staring at the two of them to look at the menu. After a cursory glance, his gaze lands on yukgaejang, and he feels like there’s nothing in the world he’d like to eat more. “The yukgaejang,” he says, and both of his friends look confused for a moment.

“Wow, you used to hate spicy food. Guess a lot can change,” Namjoon says, laughing softly. Hoseok winces. 

“I still don’t, really. But these pregnancy cravings are no joke. A few days ago I put kimchi on my strawberry ice cream, and it was fucking amazing.” He laughs, picturing the look of abject horror on Jimin’s face, and the excitement on Jeongguk’s as he demanded to try it.

“On ice cream?” Yoongi repeats, also looking slightly horrified. 

“Thankfully that’s the weirdest craving combination so far. Mostly I’ve just really been craving spicy things. My roommates think it’s hilarious.” He fiddles with his little metal water cup as he talks, and then drinks it all in one go, suddenly parched. He still feels like he’s in a dream, sitting across from the two people he never thought he’d see again. He has missed them, so much. He can see that now. He spent so long with them locked up in a little box in the back of his heart that his feelings for them faded away. Or at least, he thought they’d faded away. He gazes at them now, realizing that his feelings for them didn’t fade - they were merely shut up in that box, and now that the box is open… the feelings flow through him, filling him like they were never locked up in the first place, like they were always there, like they belonged. His heart aches with a sudden fierceness that he has to look down at the table, just to give himself some relief. 

“So,” Yoongi starts slowly, and Hoseok looks up again. “You’re living with roommates? Not a- not a mate?” His words hang heavily between them for a moment as they lock eyes. Hoseok’s heart twists when he identifies the look in Yoongi’s eyes - tentative hope. 

“Yeah,” he sighs. “I’m staying with some friends from college, I don’t have a mate.”

“What about the baby’s father?” Namjoon asks, his tone delicate, and Hoseok sighs again, leaning back. He wets his lips, reaching out restlessly to pick up one of his chopsticks and tap it lightly on the table. 

“It was an accident, I don’t know who the father is. We were at a party, both really drunk. I don’t even remember getting home that night. I was stupid, and now I have to live with the consequences. But I- I don’t really want to talk about that right now.”

“Okay,” Yoongi says readily, leaning forward. “That’s fine, we don’t have to talk about it.”

Hoseok clears his throat. “Um, so tell me about you guys? What have you been up to since- since…” He trails off, gesturing with a hand, biting his lower lip. 

“Um,” Namjoon starts, sitting up straight. “Well, I majored in journalism at SNU, and spent a few years working for MBC. But it didn’t really agree with me, and I quit to start a blog.”

“A blog?” Hoseok asks, intrigued. “What did you write about?”

“A lot of different things at first. I wrote about philosophy, music, societal inequality, books I read. Then, a couple years ago hyung and I took a trip to New York, and I blogged about the trip and it got some attention - I still don’t know why.”

“It’s because you’re a great writer, Namjoon-ah,” Yoongi says softly. 

“Aish, stop,” Namjoon groans through a smile. Hoseok’s heart clenches again at how easy it is between them. 

Of course it is, he thinks. They’ve been together for ten years now…

“Anyway, after that post kind of took off, I decided to do more travel writing. At first just around Korea, but then I figured out how to make some money off my blog, and I was able to go further abroad.”

“That’s awesome, Namjoon-ah,” Hoseok says emphatically. “What about you, hyung?” 

Yoongi laughs out a sigh. “I made it through one semester at SNU before I dropped out. College just… wasn’t for me.”

“So what did you do?”

“I got a job in a kitchen, and after a year or so I discovered how much I loved cooking, so I decided to go to culinary school. I got promoted at my restaurant afterward, and I worked as sous chef for five years before I got an opportunity to be head chef at another restaurant, and I’ve been there since. When Namjoon-ah started his travel writing, when I could I would go with him, learning about local cuisine wherever we went. The owner of the restaurant I work at lets me have the time off so long as I bring back new dishes to put on the menu.”

Hoseok sits back, stunned. He can feel his smile fading slowly, and there’s nothing he can do to stop it. “Wow,” he breathes. “You guys have really done well for yourselves. I’m really happy for you.”

Namjoon smiles, but Hoseok’s gaze is drawn to Yoongi, whose own smile fades somewhat. “How about you, Hoseok-ah? How have you been?”

Before Hoseok can answer, their food arrives and they thank the ahjumma and dig in, eating quietly for a few minutes. The soup is spicy, and Hoseok feels his face heat up as his mouth burns, but it’s delicious. Yoongi picks up the pitcher of water to refill his cup. “Here you go, Hoseok-ah.”

“Thanks hyung,” he says, breathing through the spice. He drinks deeply, and then sets his cup back down with a soft click as it hits the table. The baby moves, just a small shift that’s not a kick, and Hoseok sits up straight, setting down his chopsticks. “Um,” he starts, but stops. “Where do I even start…” he murmurs. “I- uh, I majored in dance performance. That’s where I met Jimin and Jeongguk - my roommates.”

“Taehyung’s friends?”

Hoseok nods. “Yeah, that’s how I got the job at his cafe. After school, I got a job working at a dance hagwon, and I bounced around a bunch of different locations around Busan.” He looks down at the table, his face flushing from embarrassment, rather than the spice of his soup. “After I got pregnant I hid it as long as I could, but eventually it became pretty obvious, of course, and I had to tell my boss. She fired me because I’m unmated - bad example for the kids, you know?” He shrugs. 

“That’s bullshit,” Yoongi says. 

“And illegal,” Namjoon huffs. “You should have sued her, it’s illegal to discriminate against unmated omegas who get pregnant.”

“I can’t afford a lawyer,” Hoseok says wryly. “But after that happened, I called Jimin and Jeongguk and asked if I could stay with them for a little bit, while I get back on my feet.”

“What about your parents?” Yoongi asks softly. When they were younger, Hoseok’s relationship with his parents was okay, but it was never great. 

“I haven’t spoken to them in five or six years now,” he mumbles, avoiding their eyes. “It’s fine, though. They wouldn’t approve of me anyway.” He purses his lips, and then forces himself to take a deep breath, trying to relax again. “Um, hyung you said that you guys just got back from a long trip, where did you go?”

Yoongi and Namjoon pick at their food for a moment, clearly not ready to move on from Hoseok, but finally they concede, and Yoongi takes a bite as Namjoon nods. “We spent a month making our way through Southern Vietnam, Cambodia, and Thailand.”

“That’s a long trip!” Hoseok exclaims through his mouthful of spicy beef, his eyes watering. 

“Yeah, it was amazing,” Yoongi says. “I filled a whole moleskin notebook with recipes and notes.”

“Are you going to write about the trip as a whole, or each country individually?”

“I haven’t decided yet,” Namjoon muses. “It would be a really long post if I did the whole trip, so I might do it in parts. I’ll probably write it all and then decide how to post it,” he shrugs. “Do you want to see some pictures?” he asks, brightening. Hoseok nods, and he pulls out his phone and starts tapping at it. Then he sets it on the table and slides it across. Hoseok wipes his fingers on a napkin before pulling it closer and starting to swipe through. 

“Wow, it looks like it was gorgeous,” he says, swiping through slowly. He pauses, however, when he lands on a selfie. His breath hitches, and his finger shakes as it hovers above the screen. Yoongi and Namjoon are standing on a mountain, the beautiful sprawling countryside shrouded in mist lies behind them. They’re kissing, eyes closed, Yoongi’s hand visible resting on Namjoon’s neck, while Namjoon takes the photo. His heart clenches again, and for the first time in a long time jealousy surges inside of him. He’s jealous of both of them, that they get to kiss each other, touch each other. That they get to have each other, while Hoseok has no one. 

He swallows hard, forcing himself to smile, as he gently slides the phone back across the table. “I- um… I’m really happy for you guys.” He can’t bring himself to look up at them, and he goes back to eating his soup and he hears Namjoon pick his phone back up. They start eating again, too, and the minutes stretch out, becoming awkward and Hoseok starts to wonder if this wasn’t a mistake. There was a reason he distanced himself from them, after all, and it doesn’t matter that eight years have passed between then and now, as far as Hoseok’s heart is concerned, no time has passed at all. 

“Hoseok-ah,” Yoongi says softly a few minutes later. “Are you okay?”

He wants to say no. He wants to say no so badly, but when he looks up into Yoongi’s eyes and sees the sincerity there, the sadness and concern… he can’t lie. He looks to Namjoon and sees the same thing in his eyes. His eyes prick with emotion, and he squeezes them shut quickly, swallowing hard. “I… It’s been a rough few years,” he whispers. Hoseok sighs out a shaky breath. 

“Do you want to go somewhere else and talk about it?” Namjoon asks, his voice just above a whisper. “Somewhere more private?”

Part of Hoseok wants nothing more than to go somewhere else with them, to go someplace where no one else can see them. Another part is scared. Scared that the minute he’s alone with them, he’ll break, and everything will come spilling out. His stomach clenches in panic at the idea of telling them everything, at exposing his secrets. Everything he’s gone through these last eight years… Hoseok follows the lines of his life back and back and it all coincides with his leaving Seoul, leaving Yoongi and Namjoon without telling them why, without looking back. Because telling them would mean revealing his shame, his unnatural tendencies. He would rather they think him rude, a bad friend, rather than a pervert. Cold, creeping fingers of self-loathing curl around Hoseok’s neck and his breath shudders as he exhales. 

Hoseok shakes his head. “Um,” he breathes. “I don’t know… I think this was a bad idea…” Hoseok whispers. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” He stands quickly, his chair scraping loudly as it slides back on the sticky floor. 

“Wait-”

“Hoseok-ah!”

Hoseok leaves the restaurant, his heart pounding, moving as quickly as the extra weight on his belly will let him. Outside the night is quiet, cold, and Hoseok shivers, his breath clouding around him as he quickly waddles down the street. 

He’s a block and a half away when he slows down. The street is still quiet behind him, and he realizes in his haste to run away, he went the wrong way. He would need to pass by the restaurant again to get home, and the idea of walking by it and seeing them there in the window is enough to make Hoseok feel sick. So he starts to cross the street, planning on going up another block to bypass the restaurant. A shout stops him. 

“Hoseok-ah!”

He puts his foot back on the curb and turns. Yoongi is jogging up the street toward him. “Hobi, wait, please.” Yoongi stops beside him, reaching up to rest his hand on his arm. “Namjoon is paying the bill, and then please let us at least drive you home?”

Hoseok stares into his beautiful eyes for a long moment, his heart held in a vice grip. “I don’t know…” he whispers. 

“Please,” Yoongi begs. “Look, I don’t know what happened all those years ago. If you don’t want to tell us right now, that’s fine, but please, Hobi. You were our best friend. I don’t think me running into you today was an accident. Please don’t run away again… I- We can’t lose you again.” 

His voice is so soft, so sincere, so sad, that all at once Hoseok unspools. His eyes prick with tears that quickly well up and spill over. He tries to swallow past the lump in his throat, and wipes at the tears, though more quickly fall. “Okay, hyung,” he breathes. “I- I’ll tell you everything.”

“Hey,” Namjoon says, catching up to them then. “What-”

“Can you take me home? I’ll tell you everything.” He’s so tired, all at once. He’s terrified what they’ll say, what they’ll think about him, but… he’s so tired. Of the secrets, of avoiding them without feeling able to tell them why. At least when they know… then they’ll know. And whatever they do afterward is up to them. Rejection cannot be worse than what Hoseok has put himself through these last eight years. 

“Of course,” Yoongi says immediately. He takes Hoseok’s arm, and turns to lead them back down the street. Namjoon falls into step on his other side. Though being outside diffuses their scents somewhat, Hoseok still feels like he’s surrounded by them and for once, it calms him. 

They lead him to a nice SUV, and Hoseok hauls himself up into the backseat while Yoongi gets into the driver’s seat, and Namjoon into the passenger’s. He directs them to Jimin and Jeongguk’s apartment, and Yoongi parks in one of the visitor’s spots in front. The journey up to the twenty-third floor is silent, though he notices the way Yoongi and Namjoon take in the grandeur of the building with awe. 

It’s late, but Hoseok isn’t surprised to see his friends are still up and watching TV. “Hyung,” Jeongguk says, concern furrowing his brow when he takes in Hoseok’s expression. “Are you okay?” Hoseok nods, trying to reassure him. 

Jimin sits up straight, his gaze sliding from Hoseok to the two people behind him. “Yoongi-hyung, Namjoon-hyung… Hoseokie-hyung, they’re your old friends you went to dinner with?”

Hoseok nods again, taking off his shoes. “Yeah. We have a lot to catch up on, so we’re going to go talk in my room.” Yoongi and Namjoon take off their shoes, and Hoseok directs them to hang their coats next to the door. 

“Do you want some tea, or something?” Jeongguk asks, almost wary. Hoseok can smell his scent growing stronger, filling the room, and while Hoseok understands why - his pregnant friend comes home looking and smelling distressed with another alpha in tow - but it’s not necessary. Hoseok feels the way he feels because of him, not because of Namjoon, or Yoongi. 

“That’s okay, Jeonggukie, you guys just relax.” 

“Let us know if you need anything, okay?” Jimin says, and Hoseok reassures him that he will. He makes his way back to his room, Yoongi and Namjoon behind him, and as soon as they’re all inside, he shuts the door behind them. 

Hoseok gestures to the bed, “Sit, please. I need to pee, I’ll be out in a moment.”

“Take your time, Hobi,” Yoongi says softly. Hoseok hesitates a moment, but then forces himself to turn and make his way into his en suite and shuts the door behind him. He goes to the toilet and relieves himself, and washes his hands without looking at himself in the mirror. He doesn’t want to see himself, not right now. As he turns the water off and reaches for the towel, the baby kicks him. They’ve been quiet the last few hours, sleeping probably, but Hoseok stops, looking down. He rests his hands on his stomach, taking a deep breath. The water on his hands seeps into the fabric of his shirt, and he blows out his breath slowly. 

“I’m sorry if I’m stressing you out, baby,” he whispers. “But… I have to do this now. It might be hard in there for a while, but I’ll get past it. Please endure my stress for just a little bit longer.” 

He wipes the remaining water on his hands on the towel hanging by the sink, and goes back into his bedroom. Namjoon and Yoongi are sitting on the end of his bed side-by-side, their legs pressed together. Hoseok swallows hard, looking away, and then he walks around his bed. The bed itself is tall, and it’s been getting harder for him to get into it as he progresses in his pregnancy, but he manages to climb onto the head of the bed. Namjoon and Yoongi turn around to face him as he settles against his pillows, his legs crossed, and he rests his hands on his stomach, slowly rubbing just above his belly button. The baby is still kicking him, clearly energized after their earlier nap. 

“Hoseok-ah-” Namjoon starts, but Hoseok holds up his hand. Yoongi reaches over to grasp Namjoon’s forearm, and Hoseok watches as his thumb caresses his bare wrist. 

Hoseok takes a deep breath and looks up at the ceiling for a long moment. “I-” he says, but his voice cracks. He clears his throat, and tries again. “I’ve been… I was a horrible friend to you both. I didn’t tell you when I applied to PNU because I knew you’d be upset, and then after I moved away I was horrible at staying in touch.”

“Hoseok-ah, it’s okay, things happen, college is busy,” Yoongi says, but Hoseok shakes his head. 

“It was on purpose,” he whispers, and he hears both of their breath stop for a moment. “I couldn’t. It was too hard.” He looks down and squeezes his eyes shut. He doesn’t want to cry again, he wants to get through this conversation, get through their rejection so that he can cry later, alone. “W- When I was seventeen I fell in love with both of you,” he whispers, forcing himself to look up, meeting their gaze. Their eyes are wide, surprise written across their faces, and he looks away again before their expressions morph into something else. “You first, Namjoon-ah, and then you only a month or so later, hyung. Or, well… That’s just when I realized it. It probably happened long before then. And then you told me that you started dating each other, and I- I-” 

He stops, wetting his lips. “I told myself to get over it, to make my feelings go away. You were happy with each other, and I was happy for you both. I still am. But…” He huffs a breath, looking toward the window, at the glittering lights of the city below them. “They wouldn’t go away,” he whispers. “And it was just… so hard not being jealous, and sad, and seeing you together… So I ran away. I stopped responding when you texted or called, and when you stopped reaching out I thought it was over. I shoved my feelings for you into a box and I moved on.” A laugh bubbles up in his throat, escaping as a huff of breath. “I thought I moved on. But when I got back to Seoul I couldn’t help but think about you, wonder about you… and then when I saw you today, Yoongi-hyung, it all came rushing back. And tonight… I realized that it’s all connected. I couldn’t talk about my life these last eight years without telling you why.” 

“Hob-ah,” Yoongi whispers, the word wrenching from his lips like it hurts. “Why didn’t you just tell us?”

“Because you had each other! You didn’t need me and my- my- my perversion trying to get in between you!”

“Perversion? What?” Namjoon asks, shaking his head. “Hoseok, what do you mean?”

Hoseok stares at them, feeling like his chest has been ripped open, and everything he is is leaking out. “Loving more than one person at a time is unnatural. You have each other, you love each other, and I had no place.”

Namjoon and Yoongi look at each other, their eyes still wide, bewildered, and then Yoongi opens his mouth and turns back to Hoseok, Namjoon taking his hand and squeezing it. “Hoseok-ah, we both have loved you just as long as we’ve loved each other.”

“But, not- not in the same way,” Hoseok says, his voice small, their words not quite sinking in yet. 

“Yes,” Yoongi says, his voice firm. He takes his hand from Namjoon’s and gets up onto his knees so he can move closer to Hoseok. Namjoon follows suit, and then they’re sitting right in front of him, close enough so their legs rest against Hoseok’s knees. Yoongi takes his hand, holding firmly when Hoseok instinctively tries to pull away. Namjoon takes his other hand. “Yes, in the same way. But- but, we didn’t think you felt the same way. You were always so good at hiding your emotions, at keeping a lock on how you feel. With us it- it was easier to tell when we both realized how our feelings for each other had changed.”

“We didn’t want to tell you and ruin our friendship, so we wanted to give it time, to wait and see if you would show us any sign, but then you moved away, and we took that as our sign… But Hoseok-ah, our feelings have never changed,” Namjoon says. 

Inside, Hoseok feels like his entire world is crumbling around him. It feels like he’s been punched in the chest, and he can’t breathe. Regret and disbelief courses through him like a poisonous gas, invading every crevice inside his body, curling up into his throat and choking him with it. He tries to breathe, and it catches on a sob, and then it floods out of him. Hoseok caves in on himself, curling forward as he starts to cry in earnest. He doesn’t hold back, he can’t, so he doesn’t try to. He lets it all flow from him, his grief, his regret, his anger at himself, at his choices. 

Yoongi lets go of his hand, and then an arm wraps around his back, resting gently on the back of his head as it guides his head forward. Hoseok’s crying too hard to be able to smell, but he knows it’s Yoongi even without his scent. Another arm settles on his other side, and a warm, solid body presses against his side. He’s surrounded, held tightly by his two favorite people in the entire world. His two favorite people who love him. Who have loved him. Hoseok cries like he hasn’t cried in years, like he hasn’t cried since he told them that he would be moving to Busan. 

“It’s okay, Hoseok-ah,” Yoongi whispers. “Let it out. We’re here.”

“We love you,” Namjoon says.

Hoseok has no idea how long it takes for him to cry himself out, but Namjoon and Yoongi hold him the whole time. “I’m sorry,” he mumbles, once he can take a breath without it coming out as a sob. “I’m so sorry.”

“Hoseok-ah, you don’t have to apologize. You did nothing wrong,” Namjoon says. 

“I did,” Hoseok sighs, his head falling back to rest against the headboard. Yoongi adjusts so he’s pressed against Hoseok’s side, while Namjoon settles on his other side. “I was an idiot. I regret-” His voice breaks, and he stops to take a breath before he can continue. “I regret so much. Everything is connected. I was unhappy because I thought I was stupid for loving you both, and I left because I thought that would be easier. But I was even more unhappy. I made stupid choices, I slept with people I thought would make me feel better, but it never did. I got fired from a few jobs because I couldn’t dedicate myself to them because I was depressed and mad at myself.” He stops for a moment, looking down at his stomach. He rests the hand not held between Namjoon’s on top of it, caressing it with his thumb. Yoongi holds him tighter around his shoulders, and Hoseok lets out a deep breath that’s only slightly shaky. “Getting pregnant was my wake up call,” he whispers. “I couldn’t go on the way things were going - drinking too much, sleeping with strangers, it was eating away at me.”

Hoseok feels a wet patch on his shoulder, where Yoongi’s face is resting. He leans his head over and rests it on Yoongi’s. “Don’t cry, hyung,” he whispers. 

“How can I not?” Yoongi whispers right back. “I just found out that if I’d been just a little bit braver when I was younger, the man I love wouldn’t have gone through years of hardship.”

“Yoongi-yah,” Namjoon says, his voice tender. “It’s not your fault alone. It’s all of us, none of us said anything back then. But… That was then. We can’t change what happened eight years ago, or what’s happened since then. But we do have control over the present. Now we’re all on the same page, and we can decide how to move forward.”

Yoongi picks up his head and Hoseok meets his eyes. “How do we want to move forward?” Silence reigns for a long moment. “Because all I know is that I want to keep you in our lives, Hoseok-ah.”

“I do, too.” Namjoon squeezes his hand. 

Hoseok takes a deep, slow breath. “Knowing what I know now… what I could have had if I’d just been a little bit more open with my feelings when I was younger…” Hoseok closes his eyes, letting it all wash over him. It feels… heavy, but bright. It feels precious, and fragile. “If I let you go now, it would break my heart into a million pieces. I love you both, I have for almost ten years, and I always will.” He doesn’t open his eyes, not yet, not ready to let go of the moment. Yoongi presses closer with his whole body, and Namjoon wraps his arms around both of them. 

Feeling a kind of peace that he has not felt for a very long time, Hoseok falls quickly into a deep, dreamless slumber. 

When Hoseok wakes in the morning, he’s on his side, wedged between two warm bodies, one pressed to his back, and one along his front. It takes him a moment to orient himself, to remember what happened last night. He opens his eyes, and takes in Namjoon lying on his back in front of him, his arm closer to Hoseok stretched out under Hoseok’s head. Yoongi’s arm is draped over his side, his nose pressed into the back of his neck. 

It doesn’t feel real, it doesn’t feel real. Hoseok breathes in their scents, and he can’t stop the smile that threatens to split his face in two. Do I get this now? he asks himself. Below the joy and disbelief threatening to make him float away, there runs a stream of doubt, of fear. His smile fades.

Namjoon stirs, and Hoseok watches as his nose scrunches and he turns his head toward him. His eyes open, and he smiles. “Good morning, Hoseok-ah,” he whispers. 

“Good morning, Namjoon-ah.” He takes a breath, holding it for a suspended second. “Did last night really happen?” he breathes. 

“It did.” Namjoon rolls onto his size, facing him, and he reaches up to cup Hoseok’s cheek. “There was one day, when we were seventeen,” he whispers, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb. “We were at the park, and it was bright and sunny. Someone was busking, singing a cover of a pop song. You got up and started dancing with this huge smile on your face.”

“I remember that day,” Hoseok says with a small smile. 

“That’s the moment I fell in love with you. You were so happy, and so free… Hoseok, I’m so sorry that I didn’t tell you how I felt sooner, so you wouldn’t have had to go through all the heartache you went through. So Yoongi and I could have avoided our own heartache. We missed you fiercely, and though we had each other, that didn’t make it easy to be without you for so long.”

“I was in the shower,” Hoseok says with a soft chuckle. 

“What?”

“When I realized I was in love with you. My mind was wandering, and as it did all the time, it wandered to you, and I thought of you riding your bike by the river, laughing one day, and it just hit me. I stood there forever trying to wrap my mind around it, it hit me like a train.”

“What about me?” Yoongi mumbles behind him. He nuzzles his nose against the back of Hoseok’s neck, tightening his grip around his waist, just above where his belly meets his chest. 

“We were at school,” he says softly, resting his hand on top of Yoongi’s. “It was raining really hard, and we were eating lunch. And you made that face you make when you’re perplexed, and… I don’t know. I’d seen you make that face a million times, but that particular time, I just realized that my love for you was more than just friendship.”

“For me, it was a dream. I dreamed that I kissed you both, and when I woke up I started thinking about it, and realized how much I wanted to do that in real life… It grew from there.”

“What do we do now?” Hoseok whispers.

“We go on a date,” Namjoon says, as if it’s obvious. 

“I want to help you,” Yoongi says after a few quiet, sleepy moments. “When the baby comes.”

Hoseok sighs. “I was going to give the baby up for adoption.” Yoongi pushes himself up so he can look down at Hoseok. “I can’t afford to give a baby the kind of life they deserve,” he whispers. 

“You have us now,” Namjoon says softly. “We’re not going anywhere.”

“Hoseok-ah, if you want to keep your baby, then please, let us help you.”

Hoseok reaches up and rubs at his face, frowning. “A baby is a big deal…” He sits up, and they arrange themselves so they’re all three sitting facing each other, in a triangle. “You- I- I mean, deciding to date me is one thing, but the baby too? That’s… That’s not an easy decision to make.”

“It is,” Namjoon says. 

“Hoseokie, Namjoon and I have talked about having a baby together, but it just never felt right. This does.”

“Just think about it?” Namjoon says, giving him a plaintive look. 

Hoseok looks between them both, and then down at his belly. “I haven’t even considered keeping them… I just. I- What if I’m a bad mother?”

“You could never be a bad mother, Hoseok-ah. You’re too wonderful for that. And kind, and caring. You put others before yourself, even if its to your own detriment - which is not always a great thing, but when it comes to a child? Yeah, that’s what they need,” Yoongi says. 

The baby kicks him then, hard, and Hoseok rubs over the spot. He allows himself to consider a future where he does keep his baby, where he gets to raise them, and watch them learn and grow. A future where he has Namjoon and Yoongi there with him, where they love and cherish his baby just as much as he does. Because he does love this baby, he has since the moment he learned of their existence. He was going to give them up because he loves them, but now… If there exists a possibility that he could give this baby the kind of future that they deserve… shouldn’t he take that chance? Shouldn’t he keep this baby with him, where they belong?

Of course he should. The strength of that conviction washes over him like a tsunami, and all at once he cannot imagine a future where he does not get to keep and love this baby for the rest of his life. 

But beneath it all, that infernal fear refuses to relent. “I will think about it…” Hoseok whispers, and they both nod.

Hoseok has dreamt of kissing Yoongi and Namjoon for a long time. He’s dreamt of touching them gently, and being touched in return. He’s dreamt of putting his mouth on the both of them, of their mouths and hands and tongues. He thought it would always just be a dream, but he’s come to learn that sometimes things do change for the better. 

Namjoon insists they take him on a formal first date, and Hoseok does not complain. Three days after they confessed, Namjoon takes Yoongi and Hoseok to a fancy restaurant, one Yoongi assures him is very good. Hoseok dresses up as best he can, considering all his nice clothes don’t fit him anymore, and he’s only getting bigger. Jimin lends him a blouse that is extremely loose and flowy that reaches down to his mid thighs, and he wears leggings under it - the look being a little more feminine than he typically goes for, but the looks on Yoongi’s and Namjoon’s faces make it worth it. 

The whole dinner is an exercise in getting to know each other again. Yoongi and Namjoon tell him all about their adventures the last few years, the places they’ve gone, the foods they’ve eaten, the people they’ve met. Hoseok eats as he listens, his smile genuine.  

It’s strange, Hoseok thinks. He watches Namjoon and Yoongi touching, and looking at each other, laughing and trading smiles, and in the past he would be eaten up by jealousy, but… this time it’s endearing, it’s nice to see them acting this way together because… they look at him the same way. They touch him nearly as often, they smile at him after smiling at each other, and every time, Hoseok’s heart leaps. 

He tells them more about his life these past years, trying to focus on the good parts, but when his stories veer toward sadness he lets them, because Yoongi and Namjoon reach across the table and hold his hands. By the time dessert arrives with three spoons for them to share, Hoseok feels more calm and content than he has in a very long time. 

“Hoseokie,” Yoongi says, holding Hoseok’s hand as they exit the restaurant two and a half hours after they arrived. “Do you want to come back to our place?” 

“Don’t feel pressured,” Namjoon says from Hoseok’s other side, shooting a look at Yoongi. Hoseok laughs softly. 

“I don’t feel pressured,” he says, swinging Yoongi’s hand and reaching to loop his arm around Namjoon’s. “And yeah, I want to. We haven’t… truly been alone in a very, very long time.” Yoongi squeezes his hand, leaning in to bump his shoulder. “I have wanted to kiss you both for almost ten years.”

Beside him, Namjoon’s scent spikes and it sends a thrill through Hoseok - through Yoongi, too, if his shiver is anything to go by. “Well,” Namjoon says, his voice sounding a bit thick, “let’s go home so we can remedy that.” Thankfully, the restaurant is within a five minute’s walk from their apartment, and they make their way there quickly.

Namjoon and Yoongi’s apartment is small, but nice. The walls are covered in white wallpaper, and the floors are a smooth, shiny light colored hardwood. Their shelves and furniture are all a light wood to match the floor, and in the kitchen the cabinets are fronted with a similar light wood. The windows are big and through the living room they look out over the park far below. The walls are lined with framed photos of Yoongi and Namjoon and their adventures through the years, and as Hoseok slowly walks down the line of photos in the living room, he stops at one in the middle. 

They’re young in the picture, perhaps in middle school, all gangly, clumsy teenagers with their arms slung over each other’s shoulders. Namjoon is in the middle, with his arms wrapped around Hoseok on his left, and Yoongi on his right, and all three of them are smiling so wide their eyes look closed. Hoseok stares at it for a long moment, feeling nostalgic, thinking over the span of his life so far, the lines that got him to where he is, and just how far he feels from the young, happy boy in that photo. 

I am happy, though… Now, Hoseok thinks. He turns to find them both watching him. Hoseok smiles. The apartment smells like them, and it wraps Hoseok up like a blanket, calming him on a deep level, down to his bones. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I’m sorry it took me so long to come home.”

“We would have waited forever,” Yoongi whispers right back, Namjoon’s serious face nodding alongside him. 

Hoseok closes the distance between them, stepping as close to them as his belly will allow. He reaches up to touch both of their cheeks, and then without ceremony he kisses Yoongi. His lips are soft, plush, and it’s everything Hoseok ever wanted it to be. When he pulls away he smiles, and then turns to kiss Namjoon. 

Namjoon wraps an arm around Hoseok’s back and holds him close, his other hand sliding around the back of his neck. He takes control of the kiss, pressing closer, coaxing Hoseok to open his mouth. With a soft sigh, Hoseok’s lips part. After a long moment, Namjoon pulls back, and urges Hoseok to kiss Yoongi again.

Hoseok will always remember exactly where he was when he kissed his loves for the first time, standing in the middle of their living room with their arms around each other. He was still a little raw, like a wound only just starting to truly knit together again. He didn’t realize just how much it hurt until the pain was gone, soothed by Yoongi and Namjoon’s scents and touches. He didn’t realize just how unsafe he felt until he was held in their strong arms. 

He didn’t realize just how much he wanted his baby until keeping them was a true option, but the more he thinks about it in the weeks and months leading up to their birth, he starts to want them more fiercely than he thought possible. When his son arrives just under four months later, he welcomes him into the world with Namjoon on one side, and Yoongi on the other. Together, just as they were always meant to be.