Archive of Our Own ^beta

‘I’m sorry

Saying it over, it became like a curse.

I’m sorry, I believed you.’

Daehyeon dropped his pen, fingers sliding up to tangle in his hair in frustration. He didn’t understand why he was having so much trouble coming up with something for Han2’s newest comeback, something that wasn’t ‘depressing as fuck,’ as Donghan put it. They wanted lighthearted, they wanted fun, they wanted everything Daehyeon couldn’t bring himself to create. 

At first, Daehyeon had taken this most recent slump in stride, had even used it as reasoning for giving himself a break. Time away from the keyboard and the equipment, time that he could spend with a paintbrush in his hand or charcoal staining his fingers—but every time he reached for the pencil, all Daehyeon felt was the crippling shock of emptiness. 

What could he create when he had nothing in him left to give? If Daehyeon could bleed colors onto a canvas, he would. He would cut his heart out of his chest without a second thought if it meant creating something, anything, that would put a smile onto even a single person’s face.

All Daehyeon wanted in life was to make people feel something, but that seemed impossible on nights like this, when Daehyeon himself felt nothing at all.

He wondered if the weather had anything to do with it. Daehyeon felt as though he spent most winters staring listlessly out his window, trying to find inspiration in the pristine, white snow, but all he ever found was lifeless streets and grey skies. He had grown used to the feeling, but this was the first time it was truly at risk of affecting his job. There were deadlines steadily closing in, and Daehyeon had nothing to show but a few crumbled pieces of paper in his waste bin. 

He had thought it would be better this year, now that he was no longer living alone, but that didn’t seem to be the case. Seokhwa could be a pretty driving force, but that didn’t do much with forcing his brain to comply with the deadlines set by their company.

It was frustrating, and that only made Daehyeon feel worse. He didn’t want to live a life where creating art was merely a job, and no longer a passion. He missed that spark he used to feel when he signed his name on a finished piece, or was finally able to string together a song that just felt right. 

Daehyeon regretted a few things in his life, but he was never sorry for choosing music as his forever. But, during times like this, he couldn’t help but wonder if that would turn into another regret. He desperately hoped that wouldn’t be the case. 

Without music, Daehyeon found the silence to be suffocating. 

His phone buzzed, hidden somewhere underneath the messy pile of papers that had accumulated on his desk, but he ignored it. It was probably just Donghan, anyway, recounting something ridiculous Yohan had done that day. He’d answer it at some point, but it wouldn’t be until much later, when Daehyeon had exhausted himself with the lack of production and could no longer force himself to stare at his monitor.

Rather, he picked up his headphones, placing them back over his ears in an attempt to force the melodies from his brain. His fingers hovered over the keyboard, ready, waiting for the moment inspiration struck. 

Nothing. 

Daehyeon sighed. 

He didn’t even have to make something particularly amazing. It just needed to exist. Yohan and Donghan’s fanbase was desperate enough for content that they would take anything they put out, at this point. Daehyeon just needed something.

Anything.

His fingers twitched, Daehyeon lowered them against the keyboard, deleting what he previously had and replacing it with a single word. ‘Love.’ It didn’t look right. The black font too stark on the bright white. Maybe he would have better luck writing, he usually did. Abandoning the keyboard and picking up the pencil took barely more than a second, but Daehyeon was still left staring at the lines of his notebook.

Anything.

He just needed to write something. 

Maybe he should just start banging his head against his keyboard. That would at least give him something to work with, and, who knows, maybe one of those sounds would be usable. Daehyeon was eyeing his keyboard with something akin to trepidation, wondering if he truly could mash something out from sheer desperation and force of will. 

Before he could act on it, Daehyeon jumped as he felt the door to his room slam open, flinging his headset off in surprise as his chair was forcibly spun around.

His roommate was staring down at him with narrowed eyes, “What the fuck, Daehyeon?” Seokhwa whispered through clenched teeth, “I told you that I was bringing someone over.”

“When did you say that?” Daehyeon asked, dumbfounded. He couldn’t remember Seokhwa ever mentioning that, and he didn’t get why it even mattered. Even if Seokhwa brought a hook-up home, Daehyeon holing himself up in his room shouldn’t have any affect on him getting laid. It never had before.

“I texted you, dumbass. I told you someone from the company was coming over,” Seokhwa’s voice lost all anger, now taking on the whiny, impatient tone Daehyeon had grown used to, “And you didn’t hide any of your shit on the table like I asked. You’re lucky Junseo is cool, otherwise we could have both lost our jobs, just because your giant octopus bong was smack-dab in the middle of our living room, like a goddamn centerpiece.”

Daehyeon blinked, and then he blinked again, before understanding finally dawned on him as he scrambled to unearth his phone from under its paper-prison.

Sad Eyebrows

hey bitch get all your contraband plants off the table im bringing a hot guy home

*a hot guy that works with us pls don’t get me fired

that means hide that stupid monstrosity you call ‘art’ or im going to break its tentacles off

“Oh.”

“Yeah, ‘oh’ is right, numbnuts.”

Daehyeon groaned, not caring about how pathetic it made him sound, “Leave me alone. Let me wallow in peace.”

“Fine,” Seokhwa snorted, “But don’t stay cooped up in here too long. You need to shower before you start making the apartment smell.”

Daehyeon flipped him off, spinning his chair back around to press his forehead against his desk. He waited for the sound of his door shutting to reach up and tangle his fingers back in his hair, tugging the strands in the hopes of just…pulling the words from his brain. 

He only lasted another hour (and three minutes, but who was counting?) of attempting to work before eventually throwing in the towel, unable to ignore the hunger that was making itself known in the quiet of his room. 

As he peeked outside his room, he was met with a lack of Seokhwa and Company in the living room, so it was probably safe to assume that they were together in Seokhwa’s room. He really hoped they weren’t hooking up in there, and if they were, he hoped they stayed quiet enough for his headphones to drown out.

His slippers made a quiet scuffing sound as he dragged his feet across the kitchen floor, pointedly ignoring the small pile of dishes in the sink. It was his turn to do them, but he was probably going to attempt to convince Seokhwa of the opposite. He’d make up for it by clearing out the garbage in the drawers of the coffee table, something Seokhwa had been complaining about for weeks. 

At some point. He’d get around to it. Maybe. Probably not. 

Oh well, he thought. Living together had been Seokhwa’s idea, so he had, essentially, dug his own grave with that one. 

Daehyeon reached up to grab the cereal from the top of the fridge, unwilling to wait the few seconds it would take to get the step stool from under the sink to acquire the box. He was fairly sure the milk was either outdated, or at least very close to it, but that would be a problem for tomorrow-him, when Seokhwa would force him into joining him for their bi-weekly grocery run.

He stood there, eating his bowl of cereal as he stared at the dishes that filled the sink, debating whether or not he should just do them, or if it was worth spending the energy to make Seokhwa believe it was his turn. It would probably take less energy to just do them, and it wasn’t like he was doing anything more important with his time. Like working. Or literally anything at all.

“Um, excuse me—”

“Fucking shit, fuck—” Daehyeon cursed, dropping the entire bowl of cereal at the sudden appearance of a voice that Did Not belong to Seokhwa; much too quiet, and definitely not shrill enough to be his roommate’s. “Oh, uh, who—What—This is my kitchen.”

Daehyeon wanted to kick himself in the mouth, even with the milk steadily soaking his socks. He deserved it. 

But, well, could he really be blamed when there was an impossibly beautiful individual watching him with wide eyes, as Daehyeon’s fallen Captain Crunch made a milky, soggy mess on the floor. 

The man, who Daehyeon realized must be the friend Seokhwa invited over, seemed to notice this at that very moment, snagging a roll of paper towels that Daehyeon hadn’t even known the location of to begin soaking up the mess. It wasn’t working very well.

“Sorry! I didn’t mean to scare you!”

Daehyeon, still trying to figure out what the fuck this really attractive man was doing in his kitchen, finally realized that maybe he should stop gawking and help said attractive man clean up the mess that he made. “You didn’t scare me,” He blurted out, and it was obvious that that was a fat fucking lie, but the other man just looked up at him with a shy, but amused smile, and Daehyeon wanted to lay face down on the kitchen floor and drown in the puddle of milk there.

Fuck, Daehyeon thought, Fuck, he’s so fucking pretty. How is that even fair? It was like he had the face of a angel and the body of a literal Greek deity. 

An embarrassed chuckle made his head snap up, the brief, mortifying realization that he just said that out loud. Oh, god, he said that out loud. Yet, he couldn’t bring himself to regret it, because the other man (Daehyeon couldn’t, for the life of him, remember what Seokhwa said his name was) had the most adorably-ugly laugh Daehyeon had ever heard. It was somehow even worse than Donghan’s, but still so endearing—Every inhale was followed by this ugly, little snort, and it was like music to Daehyeon’s ears. 

Daehyeon felt like there were butterflies fluttering around in his stomach, a feeling he couldn’t remember having in years. Not since he saw the way Donghan looked at Yohan, and then when Yohan began returning those looks, when they were young and stupid and falling in love under the watchful eye of the media. Now, they were still young and stupid, but the love they had was pure, and it was real, and Daehyeon would do everything in his power to keep that love untainted. 

“Junseo? What’s taking so—”

Daehyeon’s head snapped up—Had he just been staring the whole time??—finding Seokhwa glaring at them in the doorway. He looked down at the mess around him, and then at Junseo’s gob-smacked face, before his eyes slowly slunk back up to meet Seokhwa’s. 

“We have a mop, you know,” Seokhwa deadpanned, “Why are you using all of our paper towels? Those were expensive, do you think they just grow on trees?”

“Yes?…”

Seokhwa huffed out something (that was probably vaguely offensive) before he tangled his fingers in the back of Junseo’s jacket, “Let Daehyeon clean up his mess by himself. You and I were working on something, model-boy. We’re running out of daylight, let’s go. Up and at’em.”

He yanked a wide-eyed Junseo up from the ground with more strength than Daehyeon was sure he possessed, dragging the other man back into his room. Daehyeon wasn’t sure of what to focus on, the implications Seokhwa was making, or the shy smile Junseo gave him as he was pulled out of the kitchen.

Daehyeon didn’t know what it was; the warm, fluttery feeling in his chest, but part of him wished it would never leave. He stumbled as he stood up, leaving the rest of the milk-mess on the floor—he would get to it later—as he scrambled to find a pen or something.

He finally found one in the living room, amongst the junk on the coffee table, swiping some of it to the side in search of a piece of scrap paper.

‘Maybe I didn’t fall, 

but I think I tripped over your smile.’

It felt ridiculous to write, but Daehyeon couldn’t help but feel like it had the potential to be something more. Something that he could see Yohan singing at a camera with bright eyes, as Donghan watched him with the same expression just out of view. 

It wasn’t much, but it was enough. 

His cereal-disaster long forgotten, Daehyeon was already moving to shut himself in his room with this little piece of scrap paper and the butterflies in his stomach. 

Daehyeon hoped that this would be a mild winter, since the summer was so unbearable, but it seemed that extreme weather was going to carry over into this season, as well. He trudged through the snow with a frown on his face, his boots feeling all too clunky while still not saving his feet from growing numb in the frigid weather.

He traced his finger over the smooth plastic in his pocket, reminding himself that this was a worthwhile venture. It would give him something to settle his nerves so he could, hopefully, pitch this new comeback idea without making a fool of himself. 

It had been hard, but Daehyeon’s been working on something for the past few days, and he hasn’t spoiled it to Donghan yet, no matter how persistent the younger boy has been. Hell, not even Seokhwa has heard anything past the skeleton of the melody, and whatever lines Daehyeon wasn’t able to stop himself from quietly singing under his breath as he (finally) did the dishes.

He stepped into the snow with a pinched look on his face, not at all liking how his boots seemed to sink forever in the dreaded substance. If winters could exist without snow, Daehyeon didn’t think he would mind them as much, but snow was just the worst thing. If it stuck, everything was covered in a layer of white, bleak monotony. If it didn’t stick, the ground was slippery and it would just turn into a mess of slush. 

It was safe to say that Daehyeon hated winter, and he hated everything that came with it, but there was one thing that might be able to change his mind.

“Oh! Uh, Junseo-ssi, right?”

Junseo turned around, giving Daehyeon a fleeting glimpse of his bare chest before he could pull his jacket closer to his body. Daehyeon felt his face go hot, matching Junseo’s reddened cheeks for an entirely different reason. 

“Ah! H-Hello…” Junseo stuttered, teeth chattering, “I don’t th-think I ever got your name…”

Daehyeon could have slapped himself, “Right! Sorry. I’m Daehyeon, Jang Daehyeon,” he took his hand out of his pocket to extend it towards Junseo, only realizing when it was too late that his lighter was still in the palm of his hand, “Oh, uh. Sorry about that.”

Junseo let out a quiet chuckle before another shiver wracked his frame, and only then did it dawn on Daehyeon that Junseo was standing outside in what was, essentially, a woman’s jacket that was far too short to cover his entire torso and nothing on underneath. 

Except for a pair of…white fishnets under the linen trousers he was wearing? 

“What are you wearing?”

Junseo’s mouth opened slightly, and fuck, did Daehyeon want to bury himself in the snow, before he looked down at the clothing in question, and then back up with a brighter pink staining his cheekbones, “It, uh…it was for a shoot. I don’t really understand it either…”

His voice was so quiet. The way he spoke made Daehyeon feel like he needed to be quieter to match, but he knew that would be a failed endeavor without even trying. Junseo looked like the type to have everyone wrapped around his finger and know it, but Daehyeon didn’t think that was the case.

“Wait. Why are you standing outside when it’s this shitty outside?” Daehyeon asked, before deciding that it didn’t matter enough for him to stay outside to find out, “Nevermind, come on.”

He grabbed Junseo by the arm, pulling him in the direction of his car that he, thankfully, had the foresight of parking at the far corner of the back lot. Wait, it was probably weird for him to drag Junseo to his car without even asking him first. Seokhwa had said Junseo was ‘cool,’ whatever that meant, but Daehyeon still should have asked.

“Uh—” Daehyeon let go of Junseo’s arm to fumble for his keys, “Are—Are you okay with me smoking in here? You can totally go back into the building, by the way. I don’t want you to think I’m, like, kidnapping you. Or something.”

Junseo just shook his head, before giving Daehyeon a soft smile, “It’s fine, I wanted a bit of air. Long shoot.”

“It’s a little cold for that, don’t you think?” Daehyeon gestured to what the model was wearing, “You could have at least put on something warmer.” His door finally decided to unstick itself, letting Daehyeon pull it open and throw his body into the back seat. He slid over, watching as Junseo climbed in at a much slower pace before shutting the door. “Wait—I think I have a hoodie in here. Somewhere…” He leaned forward, across the center console, to grab the item from the passenger’s seat. “Here. Put it on.”

As he dropped back down to his original place, Daehyeon couldn’t help but notice the glazed over look in Junseo’s eyes, and then the barely-present tremble of his fingers as he took the offered clothing. He was quick to shed the jacket (if it could even be called that) and throw the hoodie on in its place, so fast that Daehyeon didn’t even have the chance to look away to give Junseo some semblance of privacy.

In an effort to distract himself from the fact that he now knew what specific shade Junseo’s nipples were (dusty rose), Daehyeon fumbled to grab his pipe from the center console, thankful he had taken the time to pack it before going into work that morning.

Junseo was sat sideways on the seat, legs drawn up against chest and head lulled back against the window, watching Daehyeon as he lit the pipe and took a long, slow drag. He was looking at Daehyeon with hooded eyes and a slack expression on his face, which, for a moment, made Daehyeon worried that he was going to end up giving Junseo a contact buzz. 

“Are you—” He started, before a cough ripped itself from his chest as he attempted to clear the air around them of the smoke, “Are you sure you’re okay with this?”

Junseo nodded, not looking for a second like he even heard what Daehyeon had said, before his eyes seemed to focus slightly as he sat up, shaking his head like he was physically trying to clear it, “What—Oh, yeah. No, totally okay with it. Totally…Uh…You—” He cleared his throat behind a fist-bunched hoodie sleeve, “You look cool when you do that.”

“Do what?” Daehyeon asked before flicking the lighter and taking another hit.

“That. The smoke. It—It looks really cool…It’s pretty.”

Which, of course, immediately made Daehyeon start coughing uncontrollably, taking away any of that ‘cool’ factor Junseo had mentioned.

“Okay,” Junseo giggled—he fucking giggled—“A little less cool like that.”

And it was the fact that Junseo just giggled in his car that had Daehyeon’s mind running in circles, nothing to do with the buzz that was already making its way to his head, or the cold air probably freezing his blood and preventing it from going up to his brain. Daehyeon had to talk himself out of banging his head against the window, if only to attempt to restart his brain. Get all systems running again. Error 404: Ability to Think Not Found.

“I’ve always been…interested in trying it,” Junseo shyly admitted, playing with the sleeves of Daehyeon’s the hoodie he was wearing, “My older brother was really against it all, especially after our mother…And then I’ve been too nervous to do it by myself now. Not to mention all the drug testing I’ve had to do since joining the company.”

“Huh,” Daehyeon hummed, unthinkingly, “You know, LSD doesn’t show up on drug tests after, like, a day.”

Junseo raised a skeptical brow, leaning forward over his own crossed legs. “Really? It doesn’t?” He placed his hand on Daehyeon’s knee to steady himself, making Daehyeon jump at the unexpected contact.

“Y-Yeah. It’s only detectable for a few hours. A couple of days, at most,” Daehyeon heard himself say, eyes never leaving Junseo’s hand on his thigh, “I have a strip from a close friend about a year ago, I’ve got a couple of tabs left. If you ever wanted to…you know. Try…it?”

Did he really just offer Junseo acid? Did he really just offer someone from the company that he also worked for drugs? Really? Jang Daehyeon, you have just reached an all new level of fucking stupid.

“Yeah?” Junseo breathed out. The dazed look gone from his eyes, now replaced by a look of awe, a look that Daehyeon wasn’t really used to being directed at him. His music? Sure. His art? Maybe. But at him? Never.

“Uh,” Brain, please. Make words. Do something. “Y-Yeah…” Junseo was so close to him. “Is it getting a bit warm in here? I feel like it’s getting too warm in here. Oh, look at the time. I have to go back in before someone starts looking for me. Don’t want to keep…Yohan waiting. He’s very…impatient. Yeah.”

Without giving himself time to debate putting his foot in his mouth, Daehyeon stuffed the bowl under the seat in front of him, making a mental note to remember it later that day, before he could drive off and get the stuff everywhere.

Suddenly, the buzz was gone, but the fluttering in his chest was back. Daehyeon’s cheeks felt warm, a welcome feeling as he opened the door to the biting wind. He heard Junseo scramble out to catch up with him, the door shutting behind him as he attempted to match Daehyeon’s brisk pace.

Which wasn’t that hard, considering Junseo’s body was mostly leg. Stupid model. Stupid long, lean legs. Stupid. 

“Fuck!”

And, as though there was a god up there, finding amusement in his suffering, Daehyeon suddenly found himself with the wind knocked out of him. Tailbone aching and his entire lower half freezing.

‘God, are you there? It’s me, Jang Daehyeon. Please stop making me embarrass myself in front of attractive people. Thank you.’

Saying a short prayer for his dignity, Daehyeon risked a look at Junseo, but felt like the air was knocked out of his lungs in a whole new, foreign way.

‘Like a ray of light,

after a cold winter.

Filling your heart with warmth.’

“Daehyeon-hyung?” Junseo tried (and failed) to suppress his laughter, but it wasn’t working too well—and, honestly? Daehyeon was okay with that. He’d fall a thousand times if it meant hearing Junseo laugh like that. “Are you—Are you okay?”

He took the hand offered to him, “Yeah. I—I’m okay. Just bruised my ego, is all.”

Junseo gave him a bright smile. Daehyeon felt like he was about to have a heart palpitation. 

As he sat in his studio, Daehyeon couldn’t help but wonder if the inspiration he was suddenly struck with was because of the high, or if it was from the bright smile and inquisitive eyes that kept flashing in his mind. 

Before long, he had a paper filled with scratches and doodles, but there were more words visible on it than scratched out, and to Daehyeon, that felt like a small victory. He raised the pen to his mouth, absentmindedly running the cap against the waterline of his lip before putting the tip back against the paper. 

‘Winter, flower.’

Angry Eyebrows

come to studio have something to show u

bring the other one too

Was it his best? Probably not, but Daehyeon could already hear Donghan’s voice in his head. Yohan’s following, before they came together in a harmony that wasn’t perfect, but it was uniquely theirs.  

‘I’ll hold you until spring comes.’

As soon as Junseo started at the company, there had been whispers. WEi Ent. wasn’t the largest in the industry, but Daehyeon believed they made due with what they had. Sure, there weren’t many groups under the label, but they had their own secret weapon. 

As two rising names in the media, Donghan and Yohan were a duo with more chemistry than Daehyeon’s seen in some couples that have been married for years. They were two halves of a whole idiot, and that’s what made them so perfect for one another. 

And then there was Daehyeon’s very own roommate; Kang Seokhwa was an enigma in his own right. A firecracker personality, hidden behind some of the saddest-looking eyebrows Daehyeon has ever seen on a person. Seokhwa had been Daehyeon’s gateway into this new world, and now he was his guide. 

“Seol In-ah thinks you’re cute.”

“Am I supposed to know who that is? Am I supposed to care?” Daehyeon drawled. Seokhwa smacked him on the back of the head, making him press down on a key that very much wasn’t the correct one, “Ow! Hey—”

“Idiot,” the younger boy huffed, “She’s one of the actresses here. Starred in Sunny Again Tomorrow. Is going to be playing my love interest in Twilight Skies. Ring a bell at all?”

Daehyeon shrugged, “I don’t really pay much attention to the people here that I don’t have to directly interact with.”

He pressed another few keys, before scribbling down the chord progression and moving on, ignoring Seokhwa’s indignant squawk. 

“Whatever, asshole,” he grumbled, before already seeming to forget about his beef with Daehyeon to continue with the gossip, “Well, her questionable taste in men aside, she said something about Junseo today that really annoyed me. Said he was handsome, but completely ‘empty behind the eyes,’ which, granted, Junseo does tend to zone out a lot, but that’s besides the point. When I told her to knock it off, she only doubled down. Saying how he had become a model because he didn’t have any real talents outside of taking his shirt off for a camera. She basically called Junseo a himbo, how fucked up is that?”

Daehyeon, after having been in the background of the entertainment industry for years, was pretty used to hearing these types of comments. He’d been there for Seokhwa’s first main role, and then the subsequent fallout that had occurred after, when his acting was criticized to hell and beyond, but Seokhwa had bounced back with a fire in his eyes and the desire to make that critic eat their words. 

Daehyeon knew all it took was one comment to change the entire way you viewed something. He remembered the weeks Donghan spent avoiding anything with more calories than an unseasoned chicken breast, just because of one comment about his weight. Or when Yohan had booked a dentist appointment for the day after an interviewer had brought up his crooked teeth. 

Thankfully, no matter how gross Daehyeon thought it was at the time, they had each other to talk them through any drastic or dangerous decisions. There had been a lot of “You’re perfect just the way you are,” and copious amounts of baby talk (in Donghan’s case) amongst the kissing and generally feelings-stuff, the kind of stuff Daehyeon typically tried to steer clear off. 

So, he didn’t really understand why one stupid, short comment about Junseo—someone he barely knew—made him feel so irked.

Daehyeon has known Yohan for years, Seokhwa for even longer, and Donghan for nearly half his life. Getting upset on their behalf made sense. He didn’t even know Junseo’s last name. 

“Hey, Seokkie?”

“What do you want?”

“Yah,” Daehyeon smacked the younger man’s arm, “Don’t be such a gremlin. I just wanted to ask something.” Feeling Seokhwa’s eyes on him, Daehyeon couldn’t help but focus on the small snowflake he was doodling in the margin of his notebook to distract himself from the intense gaze, “You and Junseo…You two aren’t….well…you know.”

“No,” Seokhwa dead panned, “I don’t know. Use your big boy words, Daehyeon-ah.”

With an exasperated groan, Daehyeon let his head drop down into his hands, propped up by his elbows on the table, “I’m still three years older than you. What ever happened to respecting your elders?”

“I stopped respecting you the day you called me—crying, might I add—because you couldn’t figure out how to open the door. When, in reality, you were just too stupid to realize it was a ‘pull,’ and not a ‘push’ door.”

In Daehyeon’s defense, he had been really high. 

“But that’s besides the point, hyung. What are you trying to—”

“Are you and Junseo hooking up?” Daehyeon blurted out. 

Seokhwa, almost immediately, gave him a look of disgust, “Ew, no. Gross. Junseo is totally not my type.”

He wasn’t quite sure why that response made him sigh in relief, but Seokhwa gave him a look like he knew. Which, to be fair, he probably did. After just a few months of living with the younger man, Daehyeon had learned that Seokhwa’s intuition was usually pretty spot on.

“You like him, don’t you?”

And there it was.  

Daehyeon scrubbed his hand down his face, “Do I? Is that what the weird, fluttery feeling is? I figured I just thought he was attractive. When I look at him, it’s like I’m seeing colors for the first time. Does that make sense?”

“Yeah,” Seokhwa snorted, “You like him.”

“How can I like someone if I barely know them?” Daehyeon mused, his hands returning to the keyboard to absentmindedly run through a chord progression. The way his fingers danced along the keys felt natural, a mid-tempo, gentle melody echoing around his studio, “He just…It’s like…It’s like spring coming after a long winter, but that’s ridiculous, right? Winter’s only just begun.”

Seokhwa shrugged, “I don’t know. You sound pretty whipped to me. Ask him out.”

“What!” Daehyeon pressed too hard on one of the keys, making both him and Seokhwa wince before he was able to continue, “Why would I do that?”

“What do you mean? When you like someone, you ask them out?”

“But how do I know that I like him?” Daehyeon asked, fully turning away from the keyboard to look at Junseo, “How do I know I like him if I don’t actually know anything about him?”

“Oh, for fuck’s sake,” Seokhwa closed his eyes, pinching the bridge of his nose before collecting himself, “Look,” he started, flicking his hand out to emphasize his point, “If you want to know more about someone, just fucking ask him. Get to know him. See if he really is ‘empty behind the eyes,’ or whatever that bitch said.”

“Can’t you just tell me stuff?” Daehyeon groaned, “You’re already friends with him.”

“No, dipshit. That’s not how it works and you know that.”

“Ugh, you’re right.”

Okay, Daehyeon thought to himself, This is it. This is the moment.

He had spent all of yesterday afternoon cleaning the place up, hiding any and all embarrassing belongings in his closet or under his bed. All of his paints had been picked up and neatly put away, the balled up papers cleaned up from his floor and deposited into the waste bin. He had taken the garbage out.  

Daehyeon couldn’t even remember the last time he had cleaned under his bed. 

But he knew it was a necessary evil, as soon as Junseo had shyly asked for his number, and then if he was free the following Saturday. Daehyeon stood there with what was likely a very unflattering look of stupefaction on his face, before the realization dawned on him that Junseo was asking him if he was free so they could do drugs together.

He slapped his palms against his cheeks, holding them against the now-stinging skin as he stared himself down in the mirror.

Jang Daehyeon. You are about to spend the next many hours with a very attractive individual, Do Not make a fool of yourself.

Although, even if he were to make a fool of himself, he could only hope that Junseo would be too under the influence to even notice. Since it was, in all honesty, more a matter of ‘when’ Daehyeon made a fool of himself, rather than ‘if.’

Daehyeon’s phone pinged, letting him know that Junseo was just outside and would be there in a minute, pulling Daehyeon from his thoughts and turning his brain into scrambled eggs.

He brushed his teeth, right? Put on deodorant? Changed into something without various suspicious stains? 

“Oi, Jang Daehyeon. Are you done in there? I have to pee!”

“I’m done, I’m done,” Daehyeon pushed the door of the bathroom open in a rush, almost running into Seokhwa in his haste to get to the front door before Junseo could, “Oh, wait. Are you still up for trip-sitting for us?”

Seokhwa groaned, stomping his foot on the ground like a petulant child, “You guys couldn’t have picked any other day? I wanted to relax today. And when I said get to know him, I didn’t mean to corrupt the only pure friend I have.”

“You have Yohan,” Daehyeon absentmindedly responded, practically bouncing on the balls of his feet to get to the door.

“Okay, first—Yohan is not my friend, he’s your friend. He’s just my coworker. And, secondly—” Seokhwa was cut off by the doorbell ringing, and Daehyeon was pushing past him without a moment of hesitation, “And he’s not pure, he’s simple minded!” He called after him, but Daehyeon was too focused on getting to the door and getting there now.

Where did all this energy come from? Daehyeon’s heart was racing, but in a good way, for once. He felt like he could actually do things without feeling drained after a few minutes. 

He opened the door to reveal Junseo, in all of his grey-Adidas-tracksuit-wearing glory, but Daehyeon couldn’t help but think he still looked like a model.

He’s so far out of your league, a voice that sounded a suspicious amount like Seokhwa reminded him, but Daehyeon couldn’t even bring himself to care. Not at that moment.

“Ah, h-hyung,” Junseo shyly greeted him, bowing slightly as he stepped inside. Daehyeon watched as he toed his shoes off, unable to stop himself from smiling fondly at the sight of Junseo’s light blue, Mario-Star socks. “How have you been?”

“Good, good,” Daehyeon replied, and, for once, it didn’t feel like a lie. “I’ve been working on Han2’s next album, but I’m not technically supposed to share that,” he sheepishly rubbed at the back of his head, wondering why Junseo made his heart race and brain short-circuit. Was this how it felt to like someone? 

Was this how Donghan felt around Yohan for all those years? He vaguely remembered Donghan once describing it as ‘His face makes me want to hurl, but in the best way? Like, it’s just so much feelings-y stuff that my body doesn’t know what to do with it.’ Was that really what it felt like?

“So, uh, you’re sure about this, right?” Daehyeon asked, leading Junseo into the living room, “Because once it starts, there’s not really a ‘going back’…”

Junseo nodded, trying to look sure of himself and failing completely. Daehyeon could see the uncertainty in his eyes, but there was a resolute set to his mouth that made him trust Junseo’s judgement. “I’m sure. I really want to do this with you, hyung.”

Daehyeon wasn’t sure how many more times his heart could take hearing Junseo call him ‘hyung’ before it decided to stop beating. Poof, just like that. Then, at least, Daehyeon wouldn’t have to worry about all of the dumb shit he was inevitably going to say in front of Junseo.  

“Okay. Right. Okay,” Daehyeon repeated himself, rubbing his hands together anxiously as he tried to figure out what the best course of action to take would be. Should he just invite Junseo into his room? Where Daehyeon would feel more comfortable, but Junseo probably wouldn’t. He imagined Junseo would feel more secure in an open area, at least until he was comfortable with both his location and the new, foreign feeling that was going to follow his first time getting high.

Oh, god. Daehyeon was taking Junseo’s drug virginity. With LSD, of all things. 

He stood in front of the couch for what must have been an awkwardly long time, before finally shaking himself out of the small stupor he had dragged himself into and making himself sit down. He felt nervous, even though this was something he had done often enough that he shouldn’t feel this way. Not to mention Junseo seemed so calm, so composed—Nothing at all like Daehyeon had been his first time. 

And, really, where was the fairness in that? He had been preparing himself to be the rational one, quelling Junseo’s fears with the promise that he would be there, no matter what happened. Instead, Daehyeon seemed to be the only one with anxiousness coursing through his veins and the hope for a smooth trip. 

“Okay,” he said again, trying to hide the trembling of his fingers as he reached for the thin strip of aluminum he had laid on the table prior to Junseo’s arrival. “All you really have to do is put it on your tongue. You probably won’t feel anything for close to an hour, but it might be different for you since you have no tolerance for it.”

Junseo nodded, eyes focused on Daehyeon’s fingers as he unwrapped the foil from around itself, “What—What strength are these ones?” At Daehyeon’s raised eyebrow, he quickly added, “I wanted to know what I was getting myself into, so I looked up a few things…”

“They’re about 150 ug, if I remember correctly, which is a pretty standard amount. Since it’s your first time, you might want to start with, like, half a tab. Although, I’ve had people tell me that taking a smaller dose isn’t usually as nice, because you only get some of the high while your body is still…tense, I guess. Does that make sense?” Daehyeon tried to explain, mouth working as fast as his fingers as he tore two of the tabs off.

“Yeah,” Junseo agreed, but when Daehyeon looked back up at him, he got the impression that Junseo wasn’t quite as confident as he was trying to pass himself off as. His leg was bouncing under his folded hands, but Daehyeon hadn’t noticed until that moment, too caught up in his own thoughts, “So, I should take a full tab?”

“Do you want to take a full tab?”

Junseo nodded, hesitantly, but he truly did seem sure, and that was all Daehyeon needed for a smile to slap itself on his face. He handed one of the tabs to Junseo, keeping the other for himself as he gave Junseo one last reassuring smile.

“Okay,” Junseo blew out a breath, “Here goes nothing.” He placed the tab on his tongue, Daehyeon mirroring the action immediately after. They sat in silence for a few seconds, couldn’t have been longer than a minute, before Junseo started twitching. 

It was easy to ignore, nothing more than his fingers drumming on his knee, or his nose scrunching at the taste before he could school his expression back into something that could almost be seen as blank.

Huh. Maybe that was why people seemed to think there was nothing going on in his head. It was almost a default to look at someone attractive and assume they weren’t too bright, hell, even Daehyeon found himself thinking it occasionally. As though it would be impossible for someone to be both beautiful and intelligent. 

Maybe it was because Daehyeon thought himself to be a little bit weird looking. He wasn’t ugly, no, but he just didn’t think he was very conventionally attractive. Not like Donghan was, or Yohan, or even Kiwon. 

Definitely not in the way that Junseo was.

Although, every one of those people that came to mind, someone would always find something to use as a fault against them. Donghan’s face was too expressive, he blinked a lot and smiled too wide, but Daehyeon thought that was just something that added character. Yohan’s teeth weren’t perfect, but that was charming. 

Maybe Junseo’s was just the fact that his resting face wasn’t very…emotive?  

Daehyeon didn’t think these things were something that could be considered faults, not when they were merely qualities that attributed to their individuality.

Junseo must not have been able to take the silence any longer, blurting out, “Am I supposed to just swallow it? Or should I spit it out? Has it been long enough?”

Daehyeon chuckled, “Yeah, you can swallow it. Usually I wait about a minute, when the sorta sour taste is all gone. Sorry, I should have told you.”

“It’s fine,” Junseo quickly amended, his hand tapping faster against his thigh, “I’m just…”

“Nervous?”

“Yeah,” he breathed out, “Nervous.”

Daehyeon took the chance to truly look at Junseo’s face, when it was open and unguarded and he couldn’t bring himself to care that he was staring. Even without meaning to, it seemed like Junseo always had a tense set to his jaw, like he was constantly making a subconscious effort to keep his mouth closed.

Maybe he was a mouth-breather, Daehyeon had the brief thought, before shoving it as far back in his brain as he could manage. 

“Hey,” he started, “Do you want to hear something I’ve been working on?” Daehyeon held his breath as he waited for Junseo’s response, but he barely had the time to second-guess himself before Junseo was eagerly nodding. “Okay, awesome. Let me just—”

Junseo stood up as Daehyeon glanced around for his phone, planning on playing the file from there, but before he could find it, he was being pulled up from the couch and into a standing position. Not quite expecting the sudden action, Daehyeon stumbled as he tried to regain his balance—But, as luck would have it, his legs decided to stop functioning at that moment, sending him tumbling forward.

Right into Junseo’s chest. 

Like it was a scene cut from a drama, Daehyeon could physically feel his face turning red, his hands planted on Junseo’s shoulders to steady himself. If anything, Junseo looked just as surprised as Daehyeon felt, eyes wide (and slightly crossed) as he stumbled back from the force of it.

This close, it was easy to see that Junseo wasn’t actually that much taller than him, not like Daehyeon originally thought. Although, it was probably mostly due to his own horrible posture, added to the fact that Junseo’s body proportion was mostly just leg, that led Daehyeon to thinking that.

“Uh—” His brain unhelpfully spat out, “What are—Why did—”

Junseo’s eyes somehow managed to go even wider, before he took several rapid steps back, “I—Sorry! I thought you meant…like…actually—” He mimed pressing the keys of a piano, Daehyeon couldn’t help but notice how natural the action looked. Could Junseo play the piano? 

“Do you know how to play the piano?”

“A little?” Junseo responded, and before he could continue, Daehyeon was already dragging the younger man in the direction of his room without a second thought. 

Daehyeon didn’t waste a single second before pushing Junseo towards the chair he had in front of his keyboard, standing back with his hands on his hips and a smile on his face. “Play something.”

“Like—Like what?” Junseo stuttered, still looking at Daehyeon with that same, wide-eyed expression.

“Anything. Just make something up.”

Junseo turned to face the keyboard completely, his fingers hovering just above it for a few seconds before finally settling against the smooth, white keys. He pressed a finger down, playing an experimental note, before moving his positioning a few keys up and doing it again.

That seemed to be the register he liked, as the next few seconds were filled with an unfamiliar melody. A gentle, steady melody ringing in Daehyeon’s ears. Junseo’s fingers were barely pressing the keys down, any lighter and the hammers wouldn’t have made any sound as they hit the string. 

Daehyeon tried to follow along as he played. A, major 7th. G sharp, major 7th. F sharp, major 7th. Followed immediately by B, dominant 7th. Back to the original tempo. E, major 7th. Repeat. No B7, after the first one. 

He was so focused on following Junseo’s fingers as they danced along the keys, that he almost missed the quiet humming accompanying it. Daehyeon hadn’t, for a second, pictured Junseo as someone with a passably good voice, but now that he was hearing it, he supposed it only made sense.

“I’m a bit rusty,” Junseo’s voice broke the spell Daehyeon found himself in, bringing his attention back in full, “I haven’t really played in a few years…”

“Did you take lessons as a kid?” Daehyeon asked, body moving of its own accord towards Junseo. He leaned forward, his chest close enough to Junseo’s back that he could feel the heat radiating off the younger. He must have startled Junseo, his fingers no longer playing that progression, “Sorry, keep playing. Don’t mind me.”

He heard Junseo take a breath, listened to it stutter slightly in the middle, before Junseo resumed playing. This time, however, it was a song Daehyeon recognized. 

“My mother made me. I stopped playing when I moved out,” Junseo muttered, watching his own hands as though he was seeing something more than what was there, “I haven’t played since the last time I saw her.”

‘…in a few years.’ ‘Since the last time I saw her.’ ‘Especially after our mother…’

“If you don’t mind me asking,” Daehyeon laid his hand over Junseo’s, his fingers threading through Junseo’s as the melody took on a sour note. “Do you not speak to your mother anymore?”

A slow, jerky shake of his head, barely able to be considered an answer, but Junseo’s free hand pressing too hard against one of the keys seemed to be enough to bring Junseo back to full awareness. His eyes no longer held that glassy, blank look, and his jaw was back to that uncomfortable-looking set. He was looking at Daehyeon like he was preparing himself for something, but Daehyeon only gave him a soft smile.

“I don’t really see my parents much, either,” He admitted, “They weren’t really happy about me giving up my Civil Engineering degree to pursue music, but I haven’t once regretted it. I usually visit around the holidays, but I never know what to talk to them about. I think they’re proud of me, but it’s just awkward, now.”

Junseo dropped his gaze back down to their hands, and Daehyeon realized he was still leaning over the model’s shoulder. He was just about to apologize and straighten up, when Junseo’s fingers squeezed his own.

“She’s in rehab. I haven’t spoken to her since the day my brother had her admitted.”

Daehyeon sucked in a breath, one that Junseo could not only hear, but likely feel as well. He found himself drifting forward a scant few centimeters, his chest just barely making contact with Junseo’s back.

“I don’t think she even knows where I am,” Junseo muttered, “But I can’t bring myself to look at her anymore, let alone talk to her.”

He could tell that it wasn’t something Junseo talked about often, his relationship with his mom, if the vaguely shameful look on his face was any indication. Daehyeon pressed his lips together into a thin line, trying to sort his thoughts out, and—as usual—failing miserably. 

Daehyeon could talk a lot. He could talk for hours, and never really say anything. Daehyeon could talk a lot, but at that moment, he truly was at a loss for words. 

So, rather than saying anything, Daehyeon set his hands against Junseo’s shoulders, sliding them down along the younger man’s arms, until they were placed on the keyboard on either side of Junseo’s. He could hear Junseo’s breathing stutter slightly, whether from anticipation, or just the sheer closeness, Daehyeon didn’t know.

He began playing the skeleton of a melody he had drafted up the other night, the first time he met Junseo, his fingers moving along the keys with the practiced ease of a tune that had been playing in his head for too long now. “Are you feeling it now?”

Junseo still had that tense set to his shoulders, his hands falling into his lap as he began wringing them together. “Should I be? Nothing feels different, is it supposed to feel different? Is my brain broken? Am I doing something wrong?” He asked, his voice raising in pitch with each question.

Daehyeon, worried that Junseo was setting himself up for a bad trip, was quick with attempting to soothe him, “Just relax. Close your eyes, don’t think too hard about anything. It’s still pretty early.” Daehyeon was already starting to feel the familiar tingle in his hands, the lights along his ceiling crawling as they changed color, but that was probably because he knew what to be looking for. “It’ll come. Just listen.”

Now, Daehyeon wasn’t a singer, but he could hold a tune well enough. 

“When you asked what you meant to me,” He started, voice barely above a whisper, “I didn’t have an answer.”

With each measure that Daehyeon played, he could feel Junseo relaxing, his shoulders going slack and pressing back against Daehyeon’s chest. His thighs were beginning to ache from the strain of holding this position, and Daehyeon could already tell that his back was going to remind him of this moment for days to come, but he didn’t care.

He couldn’t bring himself to. Not when Junseo’s head tipped back against Daehyeon’s shoulder, his eyes closed and hands no longer moving. 

Still, Daehyeon could only manage another minute before his legs were threatening to give out on him, so he straightened up, trailing his fingertips back along Junseo’s arms, over his shoulders, his neck, into his hair. He combed his fingers through the strands, smiling softly when Junseo let out a quiet sigh.

“Do that again,” he murmured, tilting his head farther over the headrest of the chair and exposing his throat to Daehyeon’s wandering fingers. “Please, hyung.”

Daehyeon hummed, doing as was asked of him, “You’re feeling it now, aren’t you?” 

Junseo shivered as a trimmed nail ghosted over his Adam’s apple, “I don’t know.” He blinked his eyes open, slow and lazy, as he looked up at Daehyeon. His pupils were blown, turning his irises nearly black—Daehyeon couldn’t help but think that Junseo looked like a wanderlust kitten that was seeing the world for the first time.

Suddenly, Junseo spun the chair around before standing up, looking just as surprised at the action as Daehyeon imagined he himself did. Daehyeon’s eyes crossed slightly at the closeness of Junseo’s face to his own, and then Junseo was laughing.

Full-bodied, uncontained laughter. His fingers tangled in Daehyeon’s shirt to hold himself up as his knees buckled, but Daehyeon wasn’t ready for the sudden action and he ended up stumbling back onto his bed.

Junseo started laughing even harder, but now, without Daehyeon there to hold him up, he was on his knees between Daehyeon’s parted legs. He pressed his forehead to the inside of Daehyeon’s thigh, and the older man didn’t know what else to do other than watch as Junseo’s laughter took on a hysterical note.

And, as Daehyeon watched the tears run down Junseo’s face, he couldn’t help but find himself lost in the beauty of it all.

“I—I don’t even know what I’m l-laughing a-a-at,” Junseo choked out, digging his fingers into Daehyeon’s thigh. He started saying something about laughing so hard he might heave, but was cut off by the door to his room slamming open.

“Yohan got—What the fuck are you two doing?!”

Junseo fell back on his ass at Seokhwa’s impromptu and loud entrance, both him and Daehyeon staring at the peachy-haired actor. 

“Whatever,” Seokhwa waved them off, a true testament to his ability to ignore the bullshit he was constantly surrounded by (Donghan) as he continued,  “Yohan got his head stuck in the railing and Donghan just called me in tears asking for help. I don’t know if he’s laughing or panicking, but knowing him, it’s probably both. Please, don’t burn the apartment down, don’t kill my dog, and don’t post anything online. I’ll be back in, like, an hour.”

With that, Seokhwa was out the door, and Junseo and Daehyeon were left staring at one another in a stunned-silence, before they were both laughing. Daehyeon squeezed his eyes shut, flopping sideways on the bed as he tried to calm himself.

It was like Junseo’s laughter was contagious. With each loud, gasping breath the younger man took, Daehyeon felt like his heart was going to beat out of his chest. 

“C-Calm down,” Daehyeon struggled to get out, “Before you actually make yourself sick.” He picked himself back up, attempting to stand with Junseo still clinging onto his leg like a child. After several failed attempts, Daehyeon finally gave up on trying to move Junseo. “C’mon, you big baby. Get up, get up, get up.”

Junseo, while still laughing, finally let go of Daehyeon’s leg as he rolled onto his back, chest heaving while he looked up at Daehyeon with bright eyes.

“Good boy,” Daehyeon joked, chuckling once more himself, but sobered up quickly once he realized what an effect those words had on the other man. 

He was no longer laughing, but Junseo’s chest was still rising and falling rapidly as he tried to catch his breath, that same glazed-over look in his eyes as when Daehyeon found him outside the company building that day.

“Stand up,” Daehyeon tried, waiting with bated breath for Junseo’s reaction.

He was not disappointed.

Junseo was quick to comply, something that Daehyeon’s drugged up brain struggled to comprehend. He didn’t understand how it made him feel, he didn’t even understand what it was that was making him feel that way.

“Hyung,” Junseo breathed out, stepping closer to Daehyeon.

Daehyeon’s found himself in this position all too much recently, with Junseo’s wiry body crowded up against his own, but each time caught him off guard, bringing that fluttery-feeling back as Daehyeon held his breath.

“Are the walls supposed to be moving?”

He barked out a laugh of surprise. God, Junseo was adorable. With his wide-eyes and pouty lips. Daehyeon just wanted to squeeze his cheeks between his fingers and shake him. So, that’s what he did.

“Dummy,” he cooed, uncaring how ridiculous it made him sound, “That means it’s working. Now, come on. Let’s go do something before you go stir crazy, or before you make me go crazy with how much you’re moving around. You make me feel old.”

“You are old, hyung,” Junseo chirped, ignoring Daehyeon’s ‘Yah!’ as he was scruffed like a kitten and dragged out into the living room.

Ignoring the flittery-fluttery feeling of his heart, Daehyeon flopped down on the carpet as soon as he was close enough, letting go of Junseo’s collar to pick up his Xbox controller, “We’re gonna see if we can speed the process up a little bit. Personally, I prefer music that’s mostly just, like, white noise, but you seem like you might be the type that likes really bright and loud stuff. I convinced Seokhwa to try it with me once, but the only time he wasn’t crying was when T-ara was playing. He refuses to do it again.”

He was met with silence, and when he turned away from the TV to see what Junseo was doing, he was met with the younger man laying on his stomach, feeding Cookie something out of his hand. Daehyeon squinted.

“Where did you find Cheerios? I didn’t even know we had Cheerios?” Daehyeon asked, but again, Junseo didn’t answer. Too busy giggling to himself as the dog licked at his fingers, “Please don’t kill Seokhwa’s dog, or he might actually skin me alive and mount my head on a stake like we’re in Lord of the Flies.”

That got Junseo to look at him, slowly blinking in confusion, “What?”

Oh, right. Junseo was probably too young to get that reference. “Ai—Nevermind. Come here.”

Just as Daehyeon thought would happen, Junseo didn’t even seem to register the command before he was complying, only momentarily getting distracted by the texture of the carpet as he crawled his way over. He pulled himself up using Daehyeon’s shoulder as leverage, before resting his cheek where his hand had been and slumping against him.

Was his face red? Daehyeon felt like his face was red. 

Partly to distract himself, and partly to do as he had mentioned, Daehyeon opened Youtube to queue up a video that he thought Junseo would like. The first one seemed to be a miss, however, as Junseo looked on with an indifferent expression. The second one—View, by SHINee—was received slightly better, so Daehyeon tried to think of something that fell into a similar color scheme.

“Woah,” Junseo gasped as soon as the magenta filled the screen, “It’s so pretty.”

“It is, isn’t it?” Daehyeon hummed, “Fun fact, Donghan and I had been doing this same thing when we got the idea for this song. We were outside watching the sunset, and then, well, Sunset came to be.”

“Can we do that?” Junseo lifted his head off of Daehyeon’s shoulder to ask, “Watch the sunset, I mean. Can we go outside?”

Daehyeon’s mouth fell open slightly at the earnest look on Junseo’s face, unable to say ‘no’ to the kid when he was looking at him like that, “A-Are you sure? It’s pretty cold out…”

“Please? Please, hyung? I want to go play in the snow.”

And, really, how was Daehyeon meant to resist that? Seokhwa once mentioned how he assumed Junseo was older than him when they met, because Junseo didn’t seem to act his age all that much—But, right now, he definitely seemed like a 20 year old, set on getting his way and unafraid of using his charm to make it happen.

Daehyeon sighed, “Fine, we can go outside. You’ll have to borrow one of my jackets, though, since it doesn’t seem like you wore one here.”

Junseo gave him a sheepish smile and an excited nod, before he was up and at the door, pulling on his shoes, “C’mon, hyung. Hurry up.”

“I’m coming, I’m coming,” Daehyeon grumbled, but there was no heat behind it, “Yah, were you even listening to me? Put on a coat.”

“R-Right,” Junseo stuttered, excited bouncing stopping as he stilled, waiting for Daehyeon to hand him one of the black, puffy jackets from their coat closet.

As they walked outside, Daehyeon was too distracted by the thought of Junseo’s too-willing tendency to listen to orders to even feel the chill in the air. There was no scowl on his face while he stepped over the snowbanks, or frown pulling the corners of his lips down with each step that threatened to soak his socks and the bottoms of his pants.

“You’re being quiet,” Junseo noted, slowing his previously brisk pace to match Daehyeon’s, “It’s weird not hearing you talk, especially when I feel like I can’t stop talking. Am I being annoying? I feel like I’m being annoying right now. If I am being annoying, you can totally just tell me to shut up. I promise I will. I just don’t know if I am right now or not. I think I am.”

He was being slightly annoying, but Daehyeon only found it endearing. It was strange to see the normally silent boy so chattery. Daehyeon didn’t mind it, not one bit.

“No, Junseo-yah, you’re not being annoying,” Daehyeon reassured, “I think it’s cute. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind if you talked more. You remind me of a fox, when you get excited. Yipping and jumping around.”

Junseo stopped walking, making Daehyeon almost slip as he did as well, looking back to see why. “Really? You don’t…think I’m annoying when I talk? Or when I get all…fidgety?”

“Really. I don’t think you’re annoying, even when you get all ‘fidgety.’ Seriously, I’m the last person that would be able to tell you that you talk too much.”

Junseo nodded, keeping his eyes on his feet as he started walking again, “It’s just…I got made fun of a lot as a kid for being so—so spastic all the time. And my father always told me I was too twitchy, that I acted like my mother when she was all coked-out, so I tried to be a bit better at keeping to myself. I used to be pretty bad at butting into other people’s conversations, but then they would just stop talking to me when I did that. I started talking less so I wouldn’t be as annoying, but right now I feel like I have so many thoughts in my head I couldn’t imagine trying to keep them all inside.” He opened his mouth to speak again, but a loud quack from the pond they had been walking past distracted him. “Hyung! Look! It’s a duck,” Junseo trotted closer to the lake, pulling Daehyeon behind him with a firm grip on his wrist. “Why is there a duck out in the middle of winter? Do ducks hibernate? Or are they like other birds that fly south for the winter? I wonder if there are any baby ducks nearby…”

From that point, Daehyeon ended up tuning out the rest of whatever Junseo was rambling about—not because he was being annoying, but for the sole reason that the snow was causing an actual, honest-to-god sparkle to appear in Junseo’s eyes, and Daehyeon couldn’t bring himself to look away.

Even in his least favorite weather, surrounded by nothing but the blank, dreary grey of winter and the brisk, frigid wind, Daehyeon felt like he was seeing colors for the first time. 

“I love this.”

Daehyeon made the mistake of glancing back at Junseo, after having turned his attention to the duck wading through the water for the last several minutes, but now—

Now, Daehyeon didn’t know if he’d ever be able to look away. 

“All of it,” Junseo murmured, “The colors and the patterns. My hands feel like they’re buzzing, but it’s a good kind of buzzing.” He was still looking out at the lake, but he was so much closer to Daehyeon now, somehow, glancing at Daehyeon out of the corner of his eyes. 

Daehyeon wondered if the glimmer he saw in Junseo’s eyes was from the drugs, or from the reflection of the pond and the snowbanks. 

Despite the icy chill in the air, Daehyeon couldn’t remember ever feeling this warm in his life.

“I’m happy I got to try this, hyung. With you.”

After the jackets had been hung up and the boots kicked off, only then did Daehyeon realize just how cold it was outside. His teeth were chattering hard enough to make his jaw ache, fingers numb from the time they spent surrounded by snow. 

“I’m going to smoke,” Daehyeon mentioned, sitting down on the couch and unearthing his octopus bong from the bin he kept under the table, “There’s some clay in the drawer, if you want something to occupy your hands with.”

Daehyeon didn’t have to look at his hands to know what he was doing, the action a practiced familiarity to his body as he twisted the top of the grinder.

Junseo nodded, grabbing the clay from the drawer in front of him and looking at it with curious eyes. “What kind of clay is it?”

“Huh? Oh, it’s—it’s just like a mold and bake clay. If you make something you like, we can toss it into the oven to harden it.”

As he packed the bowl, Daehyeon couldn’t help but watch Junseo as he pulled small chunks out of several of the colors, the two largest coming from the orange and the white, with smaller pieces of black and yellow off to the side.

It was cute, watching Junseo press the lumps of clay into shapes between nimble fingers, almost as mesmerizing as watching them glide along the keyboard had been. Daehyeon sat there, with his mouth almost against the mouthpiece, but not yet lighting it, too distracted to remember what the goal had been in the first place.

“Are you…making Hamtaro?”

Junseo gave him another short, quick nod, tongue poking out from the side of his mouth in concentration, “Yeah, got inspired. Hamtaro is cute. You’re cute. Kinda like Hamtaro.”

“Are you…saying I remind you of Hamtaro?”

“Yeah.”

Daehyeon let out a stupefied chuckle. Was that a compliment? He genuinely couldn’t tell. On the one hand, Junseo had just called him cute—But, on the other hand, Hamtaro wasn’t exactly a character Daehyeon could ever remember looking at and thinking ‘I want to be like that!’ So, he wasn’t sure how he felt about it.

He flicked his lighter, finally taking a drag from the packed bong in his hands after spending too long staring. Long enough that he felt like he had Junseo’s face memorized. Creepy. That made him feel creepy.

“Now what are you making?” He asked, voice garbled by the lungful of smoke he was holding in, before blowing it out in one long, steady breath. “It looks like a fox.”

Junseo hummed, but he didn’t give Daehyeon an answer beyond that, choosing instead to focus solely on the little sculpture in his hands. 

By the time Junseo seemed to finish, Daehyeon had already packed himself another bowl, one to save for later, when Junseo turned to him with the clay lumps held out in his palms, “Ta da~”

Daehyeon wanted to scream.

Junseo had made a fox and a hamster. After Daehyeon had told the younger man that he reminded him of a fox, and, in turn, Junseo thought Daehyeon to be a hamster. Why was that so fucking precious? Daehyeon wanted to squeeze Junseo’s ridiculously sculpted cheeks between his fingers and shake him until he was permanently cross-eyed.

“They’re…really cute, Junseo-yah. We can bake them later, but first, hyung needs to get baked.”

He really needed to if he was going to survive the rest of the day like this.

Junseo now had his curiosity-filled eyes trained on Daehyeon, his attention occasionally flicking to the smoke as it billowed out around them.

“Can I try?”

Daehyeon nearly choked, “This? You want to try smoking?”

Junseo nodded, “I want to see what it’s like, but I don’t know if I want to use that…thing…”

Which, that was fair. Yongha had bought it as a joke for him when Daehyeon started at the company, and he just was never able to make himself part ways with it, even if Seokhwa did despise the thing with a burning passion.

“Well…There is another way we could try it?” Daehyeon mentioned, not fully thinking about the extent of his offer until after the words had been said and Junseo was looking at him with an over-excited expression, “I could take the hit, and then blow it into your mouth?”

Without a second of hesitation—or shame, Daehyeon noted—Junseo was already agreeing, scooting towards Daehyeon on the couch and turning in his direction, hands placed in his lap as he waited.

There was a pause as they looked at one another, Daehyeon trying to take in every millimeter of Junseo expression. Bright, inquisitive eyes, pupils blown and glassy. The natural pout of his bottom lip. The lift of his eyebrows, the twitching of his nose. 

“Show me,” Junseo breathed out, before tacking on the whispered, ‘Hyung,’ almost as an afterthought.

Daehyeon wondered if he was able to mask just how anxious he suddenly felt. His face was quickly growing hot again, palms sweating as he grasped the glass in his hands tighter.

“Okay,” Daehyeon agreed. He shifted in his seat, pulling one leg up and tucking it under himself as he faced Junseo, “Lean forward,” he gently ordered, if only to see the way Junseo would respond.

Junseo didn’t seem the slightest bit embarrassed with how quick he was to follow such a simple command. If anything, he seemed like he was waiting for Daehyeon’s approval, looking through hooded lids at the older man.

Against everything in his body telling him to say something, to tell Junseo he was doing good, Daehyeon kept his mouth shut. His fingers squeezed around the neck of the bong in his lap, “Open your mouth,” he instructed, watching as Junseo’s pink tongue flicked out to wet his lips before letting his mouth part slightly, “Wider.”

Junseo’s lips fell into a soft o shape, and, like this, Daehyeon had a clear view of that pink tongue as it sat in his mouth. Maybe Daehyeon was just testing how far he could push before Junseo began to pull away. Maybe he wanted to watch Junseo’s eyes glaze over more with each order Daehyeon gave him.

Daehyeon kept his own eyes on Junseo’s mouth for a beat longer than necessary, thinking about how those lips would look wrapped around something else.

Like the mouthpiece of Daehyeon’s bong, of course. 

Finally, after what felt like a lifetime, Daehyeon finally brought the piece to his lips, going through the motions of the action while keeping his eyes on Junseo. He held the smoke in his lungs for a few seconds, before finally working up the courage to lean forward.

He really wished Junseo would close his eyes, instead of having them bore into Daehyeon’s with such an intensity, but Junseo didn’t seem like he was planning on blinking any time soon. Daehyeon placed his palm against Junseo’s cheek, slowly guiding the younger man’s face towards his own. He could feel Junseo’s breath over his lips, hot and slow and heavy.

They were close enough that Daehyeon could rub his nose against Junseo’s if he wanted it. Close enough that Daehyeon could now see the light layer of makeup on Junseo’s face.

“Stay still,” Daehyeon breathed out, before Junseo got close enough that the smoke could pass between them in hazy wisps. Most of it seemed to blow out around their faces, but Daehyeon knew some must have gotten through, if the way Junseo started coughing was any indication. Daehyeon waited a few minutes for Junseo to get his breathing back under control before asking, “Do you want to try it again?”

“A-Again?”

He hummed, “And this time, don’t try to suck it in. Just inhale.”

Daehyeon repeated the action, taking a slow drag and trying to emphasize the way his lungs expanded with the smoke, before beckoning Junseo closer to pass it.

In Junseo’s haste to position himself, he ended up nearly clambering into Daehyeon’s lap to save himself from losing his balance, the barest amount of pressure as their lips grazed one another.

Daehyeon could barely think straight as he blew the smoke out, and when he pulled away, he was met with Junseo’s flushed face and dazed eyes. His hand was still sitting on Daehyeon’s thigh.

“Yeah,” Daehyeon murmured, watching Junseo breathe the smoke out in what was a much more successful pass than the first attempt, “Just like that.”

“Can we do it again?” Junseo quietly asked.

“Are you sure? I don’t want to do too much for your first time.”

“Please, hyung.” 

And, really, how was he expected to deny that pout? Junseo could ask for anything under the sun, and Daehyeon would do everything in his power to get it for him. That, he was certain of. “Okay,” Daehyeon finally relented, “But you’re going to come here.”

Junseo gave him a slow blink, head cocking to the side, “How do you want me?”

“Come closer,” Daehyeon beckoned him forward with his hand, smiling encouragingly, “Right here.”

Just like that, Junseo was all but clambering into the space between Daehyeon’s legs, sitting sideways against his chest and looking down at the bong that was now in his hands, “Why did you give me this?”

Daehyeon grinned, “I want you to try to pass it to me. I’ll light it for you, all you have to do is breathe, hold it, and then I’ll take it from there.”

He could see that Junseo was nervous, that much was as clear as day, but it was that anxious anticipation in his eyes that made Daehyeon want him that much more.

God, Seokhwa really was going to kill him when he got back. 

Daehyeon held the lighter between his fingers, taking a second to position Junseo’s hands around the bong in a way that would allow him to hold it the most comfortably, before flicking the lighter and bringing the flame to the bowl. “Okay, ready? Now.”

Junseo’s lips found their place on the mouthpiece (Daehyeon had been right: they look very nice there) as he took a deep, steady breath, letting the smoke fill his mouth and lungs and head. Without giving Junseo the time to worry about what he should be doing next, Daehyeon gently took the younger man’s jaw between his fingers, directing Junseo to be facing him. 

Like this, Daehyeon could make Junseo do whatever he wanted. He pressed his thumb against Junseo’s bottom lip, parting them just enough that Junseo would have to make a conscious effort to keep the smoke in, before Daehyeon was pulling him forward and their noses were close enough to brush and Junseo let out a small gasp of surprise, smoke billowing out around them. Their lips connected, briefly, but it was long enough for Daehyeon to taste the chapstick that was likely responsible for making Junseo’s mouth that alluring, vibrant red.

Daehyeon was seeing stars.

Daehyeon wasn’t sure how long they kissed. Slow, languid passes of his tongue against Junseo’s. The feeling of Junseo’s teeth grazing his bottom lip. Kissing Junseo was like a drug, and Daehyeon didn’t know if he would ever reach this addictive kind of high without him ever again. 

He could feel the way Junseo’s hands began to shake where they were tangled in the fabric of Daehyeon’s own shirt. The desperate desire to please running through his body in fine, barely noticeable tremors, but to Daehyeon, it was the only thing he could feel.

It was like there was a current running through Junseo’s veins, and Daehyeon could feel the electricity against his skin everywhere Junseo was touching him. 

“Wait—” He breathed out, planting one hand against Junseo’s chest to push him back slightly, just enough that he could look into Junseo’s eyes and try to gauge what he was feeling. If Daehyeon felt like he was buzzing all the way down to his bones, he could only imagine what kind of feelings Junseo was experiencing, at the moment.

The younger man looked like he was about to shake out of his skin, but Daehyeon couldn’t remember ever seeing something so breathtaking. 

“Everything okay?” Daehyeon quietly asked, brushing his thumb along the contour of Junseo’s jaw.

He got a slight nod in response, Junseo closing his eyes and leaning into the hand resting against his face. “Mhmm, it’s just…a lot.”

And, hell, Daehyeon knew that feeling better than anyone. 

“It’s a bit overwhelming, huh?” He chuckled when Junseo hummed, snuggling closer to him. Junseo’s hands felt like they were burning his skin, Daehyeon was uncomfortably aware of their presence against his chest, every small twitch and tremor. Daehyeon felt them all. “Here, c’mon. Get up,” Daehyeon patted Junseo’s thigh, “There’s something I wanna do.”

He had that once-familiar itch in his fingers, a sensation that Daehyeon hadn’t felt in far too long, that was practically begging him to pick up a paint brush and color the world around him brighter.

Junseo didn’t verbally question him, but he did give Daehyeon a look of confusion, even as he allowed himself to be led into Daehyeon’s dimly lit room. It was like he forgot about the lights hanging up in there, if the twinkle of amazement in his eyes at the sight was any indication.

Junseo was so eager to please, so quick to agree, that it made Daehyeon feel a small ball of apprehension building up in his throat. He couldn’t help but be worried that Junseo had only agreed to this to make Daehyeon happy, but the look of wonder on Junseo’s face at the slightest thing was enough to stop it from growing any larger.

Without saying much else, Daehyeon shook the thought from his head and set to work creating an area that would be comfortable enough for Junseo to lay down on. Pulling blankets and pillows from various places in his room and placing them in the rough shape of what he was going for. “Okay,” he mumbled to himself, “That’s good enough. Don’t really care about getting paint on any of this stuff, so…Junseo-yah,” Daehyeon addressed the younger man, “Take your shirt off and lay down.” 

It took Daehyeon an embarrassing amount of time to realize that he never actually told Junseo what it was that he planned on doing, but Junseo didn’t seem to have the slightest problem with that, barely a second going by before Junseo’s hands were on the hem of his shirt.

And then that shirt was on the floor.

God. Daehyeon really didn’t know how he ended up in this situation. Higher than a fucking kite with a half naked, literal Adonis standing in the middle of his bedroom. Donghan was going to throw a fit when Daehyeon told him about this.

Daehyeon watched with wide, unbelieving eyes, as Junseo knelt down onto the floor to stretch out across the blankets like a cat before sprawling out on his back and looking up at Daehyeon.

That mesh shirt and leather jacket had really done Daehyeon no favors with showing off Junseo’s body, because now he was faced with Junseo’s smooth, unmarked skin and long, lean muscles. Daehyeon hoped he wasn’t drooling. In an attempt to distract himself from the weight of Junseo’s eyes on him, Daehyeon scrambled around his room, gathering paints and brushes and whatever he could think of in his scattered mind.

“Okay. Okay,” Daehyeon repeated, schooling his nerves as much as he could. Why was he nervous? Why now? He had no reason to be. He wasn’t the one lying half-dressed and unaware on someone else’s floor. “This might be a little bit cold.”

He awkwardly held the bottle of paint up, the breath getting knocked from his lungs at the smile that Junseo gave him in response. How could one person be so cute and so hot at the same time?

Junseo turned onto his stomach, a content hum escaping his lips as he settled his head on top of his folded arms.

And that was when Daehyeon noticed it.

“Y-You—” He swallowed, “Have a butterfly tattoo.”

“Hmm? Oh,” Junseo turned his head back slightly, as though he’d be able to see the ink on his lower back, “Yeah. I, uh, got it right after I moved out of my mom’s place.”

Daehyeon leaned forward, trying to see what the script along the wing said. ‘It’s not your fault if you shake when the wind blows.’ His grip on the paint brush tightened.

Just a moment ago, he’d hadn’t had the slightest clue of what he was going to paint, but now, all he could think about was turning that butterfly a brilliant purple. It’s been months since he’s picked up a paintbrush, even longer since he’s had any sort of desire or passion. 

Daehyeon couldn’t think of anything else he’d rather do, than cover Junseo—beautiful, bright Junseo—in the colors Daehyeon saw every time Junseo smiled at him.

It was odd, having someone completely, totally at the mercy of whatever you wanted to do to them, but Daehyeon couldn’t help but find it nice. It made him feel warm inside when Junseo looked to him for the next direction, but that unnamed feeling was something Daehyeon was going to push away to unpack and sort through at a later time. Preferably one where he wasn’t just coming down from an acid trip.

Daehyeon took hold of a bottle at random, pulling out a sunset-orange shade that reminded him all too much of Seokhwa, but still, he popped the cap of the bottle before turning it upside down and squeezing a line of paint across Junseo’s lower back.

Regardless of Daehyeon’s earlier warning, Junseo still let out a tiny gasp at the temperature of the paint. Daehyeon watched as a series of tiny goosebumps prickled along Junseo’s arms while he spread the paint across his skin, pulling a squeak and a shiver out of the younger man.

Soon enough, the orange was switched for a bright, vivid pink. Daehyeon took his time with blending the orange up into the pink, reveling in each and every noise Junseo was making. By the time he made it to blue, Junseo’s breath was unsteady and hitching every so often.

After the blue came purple. The color pulling the gradient together, only made better with each star Daehyeon added. Little flecks of white, splashed across Junseo’s skin like constellations only Daehyeon knew. 

He set the larger brush to the side, running his fingers along Junseo’s back, feeling the coarse paint under his fingers fade into smooth skin. “Hey,” Daehyeon whispered, “Sit up.”

Junseo blinked his eyes open to blearily stare up at him, pupils blown and glassy. He didn’t question it—he never did—only did as was asked of him. He pulled himself into a mostly-upright position, tugging one of the pillows into his lap to curl around.

Daehyeon grabbed one of the smaller, angled brushes, dipping it into the purple paint once more before bringing the brush to Junseo’s forearm. Purple faded into the blue, black placed over to outline, white to highlight the wings.

“They’re so pretty,” Junseo muttered, “I want them to stay there.”

“I don’t know how the company would feel about you getting a sleeve of just butterflies tattooed on your arm,” Daehyeon chuckled, but he couldn’t help but agree. He wouldn’t mind it one bit if the paint stained Junseo’s skin. Permanently. 

Junseo, too fast for Daehyeon to really process, pushed his way into Daehyeon’s lap, arms settled across his shoulders and then he was kissing him again and Daehyeon knew that they had just kissed, but this was different. It was different, and it was making his brain run and run and run in circles. He didn’t know if he could keep up for much longer.

Fuck. Junseo was going to be the death of him.

If Seokhwa didn’t kill him first.

Fuck.

Daehyeon was pulled out of his thoughts by the rude reminder that Junseo was likely much stronger than him, the model pushing at his shoulders until he was the one against the pile of blankets, staring up at Junseo with a clear look of shock painted across his face. 

His hand must have knocked into one of the bottles of paint, because when Daehyeon lifted his arm up to brush his fingers along Junseo’s cheek, his fingers left a smear of pink along his jaw. Junseo pushed against his hand, bringing his palm up to cup Daehyeon’s hand in his own.

God. The way he smiled. Daehyeon could lose himself in the smile. Every time, he felt like his heart was going to stop at the sight. It could only control a limited amount of blood in his body, and between the blood rushing to his brain and to his lower-half, Daehyeon could only assume it had chosen to prioritize the boner.

Junseo leaned forward, his lips meeting Daehyeon’s like it was magnetic. Hands roaming and petting and fingertips trailing up and down and back up, until Daehyeon’s entire body felt like it was on fire. He could feel Junseo’s fingers trembling, everywhere they pressed against his body.

Daehyeon was the first to pull back. With Junseo straddling his lap, it put Daehyeon at the perfect height to nip at Junseo’s neck, and that was exactly what he did. He scraped his teeth against the sensitive area, lightly pulling the skin between his lips and sucking.

Belatedly, he remembered that Junseo was a model, and likely shouldn’t be covered in hickeys, but Daehyeon couldn’t bring himself to care. Not when Junseo’s fingers were tangled in his hair. Not when Junseo’s soft, breathless moans were echoing around in his head.

He was painting Junseo in colors that were all his own, crafted solely by Daehyeon and only Daehyeon. Beautiful, vibrant reds marking his skin, like roses blooming across his body. He could already see a bruise blossoming, just under the curve of Junseo’s jaw, and Daehyeon couldn’t help but feel proud of his creation.

Junseo was like a work of art. One that Daehyeon wanted to study forever.

Daehyeon’s nails scraped along Junseo’s back. He could feel the paint flaking off under his fingers, but he couldn’t find it within himself to be remorseful about it. Junseo was grinding down against his thigh like it was the one thing on his mind. Daehyeon didn’t know how much longer he could take it.

“H-Hyung,” Junseo whimpered, and that was it, that was all it took for Daehyeon’s composure to snap.

“You’re so beautiful,” Daehyeon breathed out, “You’re so, so beautiful, Junseo. I wish I could frame this moment. Keep it forever.” The words were whispered against sweat slick and paint covered skin—The same skin that Daehyeon had used as his canvas. 

Daehyeon may have been the artist, but Junseo was the muse.

Junseo was the inspiration. There was a beauty to everything he did; the way he smiled, the way he looked at him, the way his hips moved against Daehyeon’s.

The way his hips moved against Daehyeon’s.

Daehyeon’s nails dug into the younger man’s back as Junseo’s movements grew less controlled, sloppier, needier. Moaning and whining in Daehyeon’s ear, sounding nothing at all like the quiet, reserved boy he once thought Junseo to be.

“God. I wish I could show you how amazing you look like this,” Daehyeon groaned, closing his eyes and dropping his head back against the pillows. He could feel himself growing harder, and how could he expect himself not to? Kim Junseo was grinding down against his dick like it was his job.

“Hyung, hyung, please,” Junseo panted, grabbing one of Daehyeon’s hands and leading it up to his mouth. There was not a single moment of hesitation before Daehyeon pressed the pads of his fingers against Junseo’s bottom lip. 

Junseo’s mouth fell open, giving Daehyeon access to slip two of his fingers inside, the undersides pressed flat against Junseo’s tongue. Briefly, he had the thought to be grateful that Junseo had chosen the hand that wasn’t covered in paint, but then Junseo was sucking on his fingers like it was a god-damned popsicle and Daehyeon suddenly wasn’t thinking about paint. 

Finally, Junseo let out a long, broken whine. His hips slowing in their desperate movements as he pressed his face against Daehyeon’s neck, hot breath fanning across his skin. Daehyeon slid his hand between their bodies, taking a hold of himself and not stopping until he reached the same point, painting Junseo’s stomach in streaks of white.

They were both breathing heavily. The air in the room was hot, Daehyeon almost felt like he could hear the static buzzing around them. 

He reached his hand out, blindly grabbing for the tissues he had set aside to clean the paint up with, instead using them to wipe Junseo’s skin clean of the sweat and cum that had collected there. It didn’t do the greatest job, but it was enough for Junseo, it seemed, as he let his entire body weight collapse against Daehyeon’s chest.

“You make me feel weird,” Junseo muttered, after several minutes of silence, filled only with the sounds of their breathing.

Daehyeon quirked an eyebrow up, only to realize that Junseo couldn’t see it, “What do you mean?”

“You know…”

Daehyeon did not, in fact, know.

“Like I have a bunch of butterflies in my stomach,” Junseo elaborated, his words slurred and heavy, “Like I don’t have to hide who I am around you.”

It made Daehyeon’s chest feel warm, and he struggled to find the right words to say back. Very rarely could something render Daehyeon speechless, but time and time again, Junseo managed to do it.

“Junseo, I—” Daehyeon paused, “I don’t really know how you make me feel, but I know that I like it. You make everything look a little brighter. You make me feel like there’s so much that I can do. That I want to do.”

Just like that, they laid together in a comfortable silence for what felt like hours, but Daehyeon doubted it was more than a few minutes, as he traced the tattoo at the base of Junseo’s spine.

“It’s a Beast lyric. The tattoo.”

“What?”

“I don’t know. I was at a weird point in life,” Junseo admitted.

Daehyeon couldn’t remember the last time he had laughed that hard.

'Butterfly

You can’t see your wings,

Yet still you are beautiful.'

Maybe Daehyeon had been searching for inspiration in all the wrong places.

'Butterfly

I’ll see you in my dreams,

If you sing me to sleep.'

Maybe, just maybe, all he had to do was wait for it to find him.

Tracklist:

Winter, Flower ❅ Lyrics: Jang Daehyeon, Kim Yohan, Yoo Yongha

❅ Butterfly (Title) ❅ Lyrics: Jang Daehyeon, Kim Donghan, Kim Yohan

Falling in time ❅ Lyrics: Jang Daehyeon, Kim Donghan

Muse (ft. Jang Daehyeon, Kim Junseo) ❅ Lyrics: Jang Daehyeon

Our Colors ❅ Lyrics: Jang Daehyeon, Kim Yohan

You and I (Donghan solo) ❅ Lyrics: Kim Donghan, Jang Daehyeon

Recently (Yohan solo) ❅ Lyrics: Kim Yohan