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Here’s the thing: if you want to be a woman and a great one, you have to cast yourself in iron. A second skin, of authority, of strength, of power. Hold yourself like you were born to it (and you were, you’re a witch aren’t you?) They call her a hard-ass, Millicent Bagnold knows, a cold fish, wonder if she locked her heart in a vault like the warlock in the story.
And if she ever showed weakness they’d jump on her like a werewolf on its prey. You can’t doubt yourself, a witch and a great one. Do you want them to think you’re hysterical, your magic acting up because you’re on your period? (Magic doesn’t act up when you’re on your period, but Millicent knows how to pick her battles.) The day she was named Minister for Magic an op-ed ran in the Prophet- the bloody Prophet that shows its neck whenever the Ministry even thinks about biting- wondering if she would be “the steady hand on the broomstick that Britain needs in these turbulent times”. They’d also spent inches of their fucking precious column space on wondering what would happen if she ever got married.
Witch Weekly devoted a whole damn article to criticizing her hairstyle, because she looked too cold and unfeminine. If she wore her hair down, colored it a little and curled it and spelled it to bounce like Witch Weekly told her to, they’d call her an empty-headed slut.
Millicent doesn’t care, see. She knows- not the prove in court type of knowing but it’s not like a court of law means anything these days- exactly whose money Witch Weekly runs on nowadays (not like in the sixties when it was all about women’s lib, until the war begun and the editor got roughed up so bad she fled the country and the magazine was sold). She also knows that there are Death Eaters out there whose skin crawl at the very thought of a woman running the country and practically vomit at the fact she had a Muggle grandmother who she loved. She lets that thought settle on her, square her shoulders and bring a smile to her lips.
Millicent Bagnold prefers to count her successes in terms of Death Eaters in Azkaban instead of public opinion. Perhaps this is not exactly the best way to run a country but then there’s a war on and they chose her to helm the ship for it and they’ll prefer not to throw her overboard. She joined the Aurors as an idealistic kid with big dreams and clawed her way up from the ranks, through the DMLE, all the way to the top and by now she’s hard-edged and jaded. She fought every step of the way, let jeers and doubts and the one time someone tried to poison her tea just roll off her and she fought dirty, too, two people are rotting in Azkaban for that poisoning attempt and only one of them did it. Some call her ruthless. Millicent calls herself necessary.
Amelia Bones tells her, “you could be great, Millicent, but you could also be good,” and Millicent wonders what the difference is. Amelia Bones is this woman- younger then Millicent but so settled in herself Millicent can’t rightly call her a girl- in the Auror Office and Millicent sometimes thinks Amelia’s like a younger version of herself. And other times Amelia does something so- so bloody Hufflepuff, so bloody Amelia, that Millicent is reminded all over again that Amelia Bones is very much her own person.
No one would call Amelia Bones pretty but no one calls Millicent pretty either. Amelia’s jaw is square and her hair going prematurely gray and people think her voice is too loud, unfeminine, ugly. Millicent’s hair is a lost cause and she’s getting wrinkles and she’s ten years Amelia’s senior and she can imagine the other woman sitting in her spot instead of wearing red robes.
Amelia’d be a great Minister, in peacetime. If anyone could make the Ministry fair, truly deliver justice, it’d be Amelia. But war is not a time for justice. War is inherently unjust. Some days Millicent is glad the burdens that rest on her shoulders are not on Amelia’s, though she’d wear them well. But then Millicent remembers Amelia has more than enough burdens of her own, as an Auror with one brother one of those troublesome Phoenix vigilantes, another married to a Muggleborn and a whole crop of nieces and nephews. Amelia Bones is a fierce warrior for whatever causes she chooses, and the Dark Lord wants her head on a pike. Right next to Millicent’s.
Here’s the thing: Amelia Bones believes in justice with an intensity that Millicent as a baby Ravenclaw once devoted to her studies. She hardly ever smiles but Millicent made her laugh once. Amelia Bones is one of the best Aurors in the whole damn office. Amelia Bones loves her family quietly but as much as she loves ideals. Amelia Bones is going great places and Millicent Bagnold is already at them. Here’s the thing: Millient is in love with her.
It started back when Millicent was in the DMLE and thus knew the Aurors better. Amelia had the best arrest rate and a clean record. As far as Millicent knows she’s never cast an Unforgivable. Amelia cared, she cared too much, she stopped by Millicent’s desk and asked about ongoing trials. Millicent bought her coffee. It became a thing- each week Amelia would stop by Millicent’s desk, take her coffee, and they would talk, and talk, and Millicent ended up trusting the other woman with her Floo address so they could talk more.
It started with a kiss, quick and silent like a whisper. Started with a hope kept safe, beneath a hard iron mask (even iron can be melted). This is love in wartime: fear, and a corresponding desperation- to hold, to touch, to keep. As if Amelia Bones could ever be kept as anything.
Justice falters during wartime, and love should, too. Sometimes Amelia makes Millicent believe the world could be fair, if she only tried hard enough. And then she sees pictures of children killed before they even got to Hogwarts, sees an article defending the use of the Dark Mark as an expression of free speech.
Amelia sees this too, and her hair goes grayer but her heart never does. (This is why Millicent loves her.) Millicent can try to love her, during the war, despite the gaze of thousands dissecting her every move. Millicent only hopes she can love Amelia in peace.
Here’s the thing: there are two blind things in the world, justice and love. Or there should be, for all Millicent knows too well the world is so very far from fair. Amelia Bones makes her believe in both of them.