Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Boom!

“Saint Jimmy’s comin’ down across the alleyway!”

The blasting heat of the fire made Billie break only a mild sweat. After all, him and his bandmates had dealt with the heat of fame and flames since 1989. He knew this rodeo, being almost fifty and all. Now was the time to bring someone up, so he started scanning the crowd for any extra enthusiastic faces.

Then, he saw him.

A flash of red caught Billie’s eyes as his line of sight approached the right side of the crowd. There, a mysterious masked man with a red devil’s suit was creating the most rambunctious mosh pit he had ever seen. Everyone, man and child, woman and toddler, person and teenager, was flying up and falling down everywhere, but he was somehow able to stay perfectly upright. There, Billie thought, was his next guest.

“Alright! How is everyone doing?” he was answered by waves of hands in the air and loud cheers. “It’s time to bring someone up to play When I Come Around! Who’s ready?” The crowd was mildly confused because he normally did not bring people for that song, but nevertheless pushed forward to have a chance at seeing how their height compared to Billie Joe Armstrong’s. However, Billie only had one man in mind to bring up. He was all that mattered.

“Hmm… how about…” Billie faked thinking, as he often did. He quickly scanned the crowd, avoiding eye contact so as to not raise hopes.

“You! Man in the red suit!” He looked up in surprise, glancing around to make sure it was him.

“Yes, you! Get up here you handsome devil!” The masked man made his way through the crowd, finally arriving on stage and locking eyes with Billie. Dear God, he was the most attractive man Billie had ever seen. His straightened raven-black hair stuck up at the top of his mask like an upper middle class suburban house’s lawn. His eyes, however, were the real gem. They were the most vibrant grass green he had ever seen, finishing the suburban lawn aesthetic perfectly. This, in turn, contrasted with his bright red PVC suit which fit him perfectly, showing off his fit limbs, including his red devil tail which swung with excitement. He was wearing a Hella Mega tour dates shirt, pulling the entire outfit together superbly. God, Billie thought, what he wouldn’t do to spend the rest of his life with this man. He cleared his throat, suddenly breaking eye contact to carry on with the show.
“You know guitar?” The masked man nodded as Billie gave him his favorite guitar; black guitar #290409590. He shed a single tear as the man perfected the intro, and realizing he was the one responsible for vocals, did as such. However, he glanced back every so often to observe the man. Damn, Billie thought, he’s good. His hands glided gracefully across the fretboard, releasing an impeccable tone Billie could never replicate. He really was the one. Unfortunately, as soon as it started, the song ended and Billie had to part ways with the newest love of his life. But suddenly, an idea popped into his head for once. He grinned as he approached the man again.
“Alright! Thank you so much! And you know that guitar? It’s yours,” he winked as the crowd went wild. Quickly, he moved the mic away from his face and whispered something to the man before he left forever.
“Meet me backstage after the show. Tell them I sent you.” Billie flashed the most attractive smile he could muster before the man nodded solemnly and exited. Billie could barely contain his excitement, running up to the mic stand to lay some wisdom down on the crowd below
“Piss in my mouth! Piss in my mouth! Piss in my fucking mouth!” He was once again met by cheers of admiration.

---

“That was a good show, don’t ya think?” Tre laughed as he brought Mike into a loving embrace. They had been together for years at this point, and Billie thought nothing of it. After all, he was a bisexual icon himself. However, he was only thinking of one gender tonight.
“Can I ask you guys for advice? Dating… advice?” Tre and Mike looked at each other worriedly before reluctantly nodding. Billie gasped for air before he started his long, detailed rant.
“Ok, so I saw this really attractive guy and I think he might be the love of my life. He has this mowed lawn type hair and his eyes look like the grass I used to eat at that one place on tour in ‘99, right? And he’s so good at guitar. Like, way better than me. He’s so fit too, did you guys see his arms practically bulging out of that PVC suit? I just- I don’t know man. This is different from that person in London. And that guy in New York. And the girl from Montana. He’s just… perfect.” Mike looked at Tre and sighed disappointedly.
“If you really want him, I’d say just act casual, I guess.” Mike shrugged, “that’s how I got Tre.” He laughed awkwardly, as he was lying. Tre and Mike had actually made a deal ages ago where, if neither had gotten with Billie in fifteen years, they would give up and date. Unfortunately, neither ended up happy and instead with each other. They could live with this, though, at least they kept each other company.
“You’re right, yeah!” Billie exclaimed, “Y’know, I’m actually feeling a bit better-” his confidence was quickly shattered by a door slamming open behind him. He didn’t even need to turn around to recognize the handsome musk of the masked man. Billie took in the deepest breath known to man, reminding himself he was the most attractive man alive according to some random teenagers on the internet, and faced the man.
“Oh, I see you’ve come backstage… wink.” Billie smoothly remarked as the man’s eyes wandered, observing his surroundings. “I’m Billie, but you already know that. Tell me a bit about you.” He was internally facepalming. Why, Billie thought, did he say wink out loud? The man only laughed.
“I’m Wilhelm Fink. But my friends call me Fink.” Fink held out his hand. He was so smooth and handsome, why did Billie think he ever stood a chance?
“Well, hey… Flip. I must say, you remind me of a freshly mowed lawn. No weeds!”
“What?”
“I mean, uh,” Billie quickly realized what he said and looked around in panic, “you look good. Where’d you learn guitar like that?”
“Only from the best,” Fink laughed as he grabbed Billie’s shoulder, smirked, and looked him in the eyes. “And I must say, you look good yourself.” Billie could hardly contain his blushing. The perfect man complimented… him. No, he was the perfect man. He could one-up this.
“You’re hotter than the sun.” Billie winked, horribly at that, at Fink. He burst out laughing.
“Oh my Snoo, you’re hilarious!” Snoo, Billie thought? He was quirky too, this just kept getting better. “Here’s my number. I have to go, maybe we could carry this conversation on another time?” Fink held Billie’s hand, slipping him a piece of paper before exiting as fast as he came. Billie only stood in shock.
“Guys, I totally pulled that off,” he laughed, looking back at Mike and Tre’s morbidly worried faces. They only gave a synchronized thumbs up before exiting to the dressing rooms.
“I can’t believe Billie’s gonna go with some weird masked dude instead of one of us,” Tre grunted, “I mean, what kind of a name even is Fink? What is he, German or something? That’s disgusting.”
“Aren’t you German?” Mike asked. After all, Tre’s real name was Frank. Like a frankfurter, Mike thought to himself.
“Shut UP!” Tre yelled. He quickly regained his composure and lowered his voice. “Listen, Billie’s supposed to end up with one of us. We gotta ruin this like that person in London. And that guy in New York. And the girl from Montana.”
“Holy cow, we really control his love life and he loves neither of us” Mike remarked. “We gotta get rid of this dude.”
“Agreed.”

Chapter Text

Billie woke up with a throbbing headache. What happened last night? All he remembered was something that was black and white and red all over… Fink! The love of his life. He quickly grabbed his phone, seeing that he had over twenty unread messages from his bandmates. Those could wait. The thing that caught his attention was a text from a phone number he didn’t recognize.

“Hey, this is Fink. I’m assuming this is Billie’s number? ;)” The wink face sent his heart soaring. Anything this man did would’ve been perfect in Billie’s eyes. He quickly went to text Fink back and add him as a contact. William… Fink? At least that’s what he thought Fink’s full name was. He’ll confirm that later.

“What’s popping Fink? Wanna do something today?” Billie nervously pressed send as he saw that Fink was typing a response.

“Yeah :) what about the park down Christie Road?”

“Sounds perfect. What time?”

“5pm works for me.”

“Me too. See you then ;)” Shit. 5pm is in 15 minutes. He sprang up from his bed and looked in the mirror to see how much he needed to do to look as good as Fink. Jesus, he had some work to do. Luckily no one could get ready as fast as Billie Joe Armstrong. He did his hair at the speed of light, only being satisfied when it looked like he had put zero effort into it. Perfect. He threw open his wardrobe to look at what clothing options he had. Assorted leather clothes and band t-shirts came into his line of view, but one thing stood out. A short-sleeved black button up, a red tie, and equally as black pants. A classic. He quickly threw it on before looking at his several large shelves dedicated to creepers. He chose his shiniest and best ones before walking out the door, taking in the blistering heat of California in the summer. This specific kind of heat reminded him of something in his past, however. The summer of ‘93 certainly was something. Oh well, that was almost thirty years ago, he had moved on. Or so he thought. Eventually, he recognized the sign for Christie Road. He was close to the love of his life. Billie quite literally jumped for joy, accumulating several odd looks.

After many wrong turns and desperate checking of the map on his phone, Billie Joe Armstrong himself had made it to the park. He looked all around for a bright red suit, finally recognizing Fink sitting in one of those baby swings.

“You need help, handsome?” Billie smirked as he awkwardly approached the most beautiful man he had ever seen. Why did he even try to one-up this man, he thought, Fink didn’t even have to try to look better than him.

“No.” Fink replied. “I’ll just flip out. Watch!” He started to lean back and eventually slid out of the baby swing into the mulch below. “Anyway, let's walk around a bit.” Thus, the two started to walk along the concrete sidewalk layed out to take them to all areas of the park. A few minutes in, Billie shuffled uncomfortably.

“So, ‘ya come here often?” Billie asked, mistakenly making his accent southern out of anxiety. Hey, it happens to the best of us

“Nah, just knew you lived close to here.”

“What?”

“Nothing. Let’s go on this trail.” The trail in question looked worn and hardly travelled. “Never know what kind of surprises might lay beyond that.”

“I dunno man, looks a bit dangerous.” Billie nervously replied as he tried to gesture away from the death trap.

“Danger is my middle name. C’mon!” Fink grabbed Billie’s hand. Walter Danger Fink… what an odd name. Before he could even cutely blush, he was thrown into the unknown with the love of his life, Fink. Billie was dragged by Fink for at least a couple minutes before they emerged into an opening. It truly looked like the consequences of the Industrial Revolution. Trees had been cut down in place for a railroad track that looked like it had been unused for decades at this point. It looked completely non-functional.

“Oh wow, what a gem.” Billie mumbled, struck in awe. His hand grazed against the rusted rails, getting off bits of dust and grime that had been building up.

“Told you it’d be fun,” Fink laughed.

“You just dragged me here. You said nothing about fun!” Billie teased.

“Or did I?”

“Y-you didn’t?”

“You must’ve misheard me. I told you it would be the most fun thing we’ve done today. And was I wrong?”

“Eh, I guess not.” Billie shrugged. He couldn’t argue with the man of his dreams, who was probably smarter than him, based on his looks.

“Ah. Anyway, how was your day?” Fink smiled.

“It’s been good so far, this day’s reminding me of a certain time though.” Billie sighed. Fink’s enthusiastic grin suddenly turned into a frown Billie couldn’t decipher the meaning of.

“Oh? How so?”

“Well, this day just feels like the summer of ‘93. When I thought the woman I loved was gonna be with me forever, y’know?” Fink’s face slightly resembled that of recognition now, but he quickly hid it.

“Who?”

“This girl named Adrienne, she was so amazing and cool and I really wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. We hit it off instantly. I even wrote several songs about her! All I could think about was her, the woman of my dreams. We even planned to get married. But then, one day, she disappeared without a trace. Everyone I asked hadn’t seen her, it was almost as if she just disappeared from Earth entirely.”

“Pssshhh, that’s not even possible!” Fink laughed, obviously sweating.

“Yeah, but it sure felt like it.” Billie looked at the tracks, tracing them with his eyes. Suddenly, he noticed something lying to the side of it. A single swiss army knife laid beside the tracks, almost in perfect condition.

“Holy shit Fink, look at this!” Billie instantly cheered up as he picked up the knife and observed it. He noticed a small label on it, almost dropping it in shock when he read it.

“For the girl in Montana.”

His face froze. Billie used to know a girl from Montana! Well, until she mysteriously disappeared. Could someone- no, no one was smart enough to manipulate his love life and steal his partners. Especially not his band members, who were completely oblivious to the girl in Montana. After all, he was Billie Joe Armstrong, the smartest man alive! Only shadowing Fink.

“Y’know, I knew a girl from Montana. She disappeared too!”

“Man, bad luck.” Fink shrugged. He had no involvement in this, so he was indifferent to this girl from Montana. Billie’s face fell.

“Fink? D’you maybe think there’s a trend going on? I mean, you’re the only one since Adrienne that hasn’t disappeared within an hour of us talking.”

“Well, all the girlies do say I’m pretty fly for a white guy,” Fink smirked, flexing his jacket, “but no, I think you just have bad luck. Maybe we were meant for each other?” He was avoiding eye contact now.

“Ah, maybe,” Billie sighed, “wish I knew where everyone went though. That knife feels a little too close to home.”

“Well,” Fink laughed, “Sucks to suck, right?” he was visibly sweating. Fink gulped. Did Billie have enough brain cells to notice? No, that man didn’t even notice they looked almost identical. Fink felt a sense of calm wash over him.

“Yeah, can’t change the past.” Billie muttered as he slumped next to Fink.

“Well, you never know, maybe you could!”

“Wh- huh?”

“Well, you know, time travel exi-” Fink stopped himself. “Is a possibility. In the future you could!”

“Wouldn’t be ethical though, now would it?” Billie laughed. “I mean, even small things, you’re changing the whole universe’s timeline.”

“It’d be cool without that though, right?” Fink prodded Billie. Why was he so unknowledgeable about everything EXCEPT time travel? This was frustrating.
“I guess, yeah. It’s just not for me.” Billie replied.

“Fair.” Fink shrugged. The two sat in a comfortable silence for a few moments before Billie got bored.

“How does that suit show off your muscles so well? They’re practically bulging out, I could just touch the-” Billie stopped himself, blushing. Fink only laughed.

“Went to a tailor! Isn’t that obvious?”

“Uh-yeah- just wanted to make sure!” Billie giggled.

“Now, how does your shirt show off your abs so well?”

“Abs?” Billie was positively flustered at this point. He didn’t even have abs, just marvelous pecs.

“Yeah, do they just complement the tightness of your shirt super well?”

“Mhm, sure!” Billie grinned. They both burst out laughing, Billie laughing because Fink thought he had abs, and Fink laughing to mirror Billie. Suddenly, Billie’s phone buzzed.
“Ah fuck, it’s Mike. I’m late for band practice. Text me soon, uwu?” Billie asked.

“Hell yeah! Have fun!” Fink enthused as Billie ran back down the trail. After he made sure Billie was gone, he let out a drawn out sigh before returning to his own home

Chapter Text

The door creaked open as Fink returned to his home, the Finkdom. He locked it behind him, making sure no one had entered during his time with Billie.

He was safe.

He made his way through the winding halls and floors of the Finkdom before finally arriving at his lab. Fink could only stare at his experiments as he thought about what he had done. Vials of similar substance filled the shelves on the walls.

That substance?

The secret to time travel.

One of his ancient... "friends", Van Gough, had figured it out decades ago. However, he had abused his powers and was currently paying the consequences for it, forever stuck in the space time continuum. Fink swore the same wouldn’t happen to him. That’s why he only uses it sparingly. The supply he’s made already could last him two lifetimes, almost three. Fink laughed to himself. It reminded him of one of his first times using time travel.

In 2005, he saw Green Day for the first time. His friends and then-boyfriend only gave them raving reviews, so he had to see for himself.

What he saw blew him away.

The most attractive man he had ever seen was singing the most above average pop punk he had ever heard. Fink had to have him. However, he dared dedicate a song to his wife. Fink couldn’t have this. So, like any other person would, he cut off everyone he knew and traveled back in time to when they first met and made Adrienne… disappear. Now, she was still alive, or at least Fink hoped, just stuck in the space time continuum like Van. If they found each other, they’d probably get along.

However, this wasn’t the end of the plan. Fink then disguised himself as an interviewer and got the chance to ask Billie some… useful questions. He remembered it like it was yesterday.

“Now that you’ve come out as bisexual, what would you say your perfect man would be?” Fink inquired, interviewing Billie at Woodstock ‘94.

“Ah, men…” Billie sighed, thinking about men. Fink tapped his foot in annoyance.

“Well, out of all the options, I’d say guys with black hair or green eyes are my favorite. And guys in red! It matches their eyes like Christmas. Mmm…” Billie was falling into a daydream again.

“So, you like men who look like you?”

“What? No, that's weird.” Billie frowned. “By the way, what’s with the stripes on your face?

“Euuugh, juggalo paint?” Fink tried.

“Oh, cool man!” Billie exclaimed as he ran off to throw mud at unsuspecting people. Fink sighed in relief. Little did Billie know, those stripes were permanently fixed on him since he was an alien. They changed color with his mood, going from gray, to red, to pink, to blue, and to other assorted colors. Though Fink normally wore his striped mask to hide them, he wanted to see if Billie would like them. Obviously not. So, he made himself into Billie’s ideal man.

It started off simple, with Fink dying his hair from brown to black. After all, he had learned he needed to look as close to Billie as possible. He then cut it short to manage it better through his mask. After that were the eyes. He had carefully selected the greenest contacts he could, obviously making sure they were high quality. Fink was not getting an eye infection for this man. Finally, he got his red suit. He had it made out of PVC and tailored perfectly to make it seem like he had muscles. Fink knew Billie would love that. After so much time and money, his transformation was complete. Now he was getting everything he wanted, but a sense of dread still fell over him. Something, anything, could go wrong.

Fink sighed.

“I won’t mess this up.”

But just in case, Fink made a few extra batches of the time traveling concoction. He won’t mess this up. Through his journeys to observe Billie, he’s gone through the timeline hundreds of times. Fink was also proud to say he had never directly affected the timeline besides a few isolated incidents. But Adrienne didn’t count. And the others that were too horrid to name. But it’s ok! It won’t happen anymore. There’s no telling how much it’ll affect the future.

Fink closed the lab door, breathing heavily. He looked at the table at the end of the hallway depicting a classic picture of him and Van.

“I won’t end up like you, Van. I promise. No editing the timeline unless it’s super important, ok?” No response. As always. Fink walked to his room and passed out under the setting sun.

Chapter Text

The living room in the Green Day household was quiet that morning. Mike and Tre relaxed, watching the Saturday morning cartoons on their 80” tv, which was hardly big enough, and cuddling on the floor just in front of the couch since Billie took up most of the couch’s space. The only parts that weren’t covered by him laying on the couch desperately checking his phone were instead replaced by magazines definitely targeted towards teenage girls on how to win the perfect man. But Billie didn’t care about the demographic, he cared about the inside’s contents.

“He’s just so DREAMY!” Billie exclaimed, swinging his feet on the couch, which he picked up from the teenage-aimed shows he watched. “He’s the perfect man!” Mike sighed.

“Didn’t you only meet him, like, 2 days ago?”

“Ratio + don’t care + fink-less behavior” Billie replied. Mike sighed again and returned to his extremely intense cartoon about aliens. What interested him most, however, was that sometimes aliens would fall deeply in love with other species and might destroy worlds or universes in order to be with them. Interesting science fiction, but useless in the real world.

“He might ghost you, dude. Be careful.” Tre suggested.

“No, we had SUCH a good connection! EEEE! I think he just texted me!” Billie threw down the piles of teenage magazines in excitement, revealing a text from Fink.

“Wanna meet 2day? ;-)” The wink made Billie’s heart flutter. He was such a romantic!

“4 suresies! Where? ^-^” Maybe the teenage magazines were affecting Billie’s speech. But that was impossible, he was, like, 50.

“Olive Garden?” The most romantic and fancy restaurant known to man! Billie had to take a break to squeal into the couch pillow. Mike and Tre simply rolled their eyes.

“Haha yes! Wut time?!” Billie was dreaming of all the breadsticks he could steal.

“7PM sharp. I have a reservation! =D” Planning ahead! What a gentleman.

“Yass! See you there handsum!” Billie giggled as he sent the last message.

“What’re you doing over there?” Tre asked.

“Oh, just planning my date with Wesley Danger Fink!”

“Don’t you mean Wilhelm?”

“Who?”

“Nevermind.”

“Billie,” Mike interrupted, “don’t you think it’s a bad idea to be getting in a serious relationship with someone you barely know? Besides, I don’t think he’s all that great.” Mike lied. He found Fink extremely attractive due to how much he looked like Billie. But Mike wouldn’t admit that.

“No! I gotta get ready now!” Billie ran off as Mike groaned.

“You’re not getting to him.” Tre stated.

“I know. I just don’t trust him. He just… appeared. And now Billie’s obsessed with this weird mask man. I don’t even know what his nose looks like!”

“Yeah, but Billie isn’t gonna listen to you. He’s too obsessed with his own love life to see any of the red flags. Like always. We just… have to be sneakier.” Tre squeezed Mike’s hand.

“You’re right. We’ll think of something.” Mike smiled.

—-

Fink stood outside the Olive Garden, his heart practically beating out of his chest. In a secret pocket in his suit, he held the most important thing he would ever have in his entire life; a proposal ring. Tonight, in the cool summer air, he was going to give the perfect proposal to Billie. It’s what he deserved. Fink had run through this situation hundreds of times in his mind, he knew Billie would say yes, it was just a matter of asking.

His stomach dropped as he saw the short italian man he knew and loved so well run towards him, sweating balls. The two collided and promptly fell over as Billie went in for a hug with Fink, laughing.
“Sorry! I just got so excited to see you and to go on this fancy date!” Billie exclaimed as he helped Fink up.

“It’s - er - it’s ok. I’m just happy to see you.” Fink nervously replied.

“You ok? You’re talking a bit… different.” Billie observed.

“It’s just humid out here. Let’s go inside.” Fink lied as he opened the door for Billie. Billie curtseyed and they were soon sitting in their seats, bantering.

“Bill Cipher is totally alive in Stan’s mind. There’s no way he could’ve melted in an old man’s brain.”

“But they would’ve made a sequel by now! If Alex Hirsch said there’s no part two, then Bill Cipher must be gone.”

“But look at all the hints! The statue in the woods, all the references in Amphibia, they even have Stan and Soos as frogs! Frogs, dammit!”

“Well maybe I was too busy being a rockstar to watch more kid’s shows!” Billie gasped and covered his mouth, laughing. “Oops. Sorry.” They both erupted into laughter at the realization of how foolish their conversation was. The waiter side-eyed them as they brought them their food, but didn’t say anything as they wanted a tip.

“Thank you, good person, have a little something from me.” Fink smirked as he gave the waiter a fake $100 bill. Wide-eyed, the waiter thanked them and walked away.

“Wow, smart AND rich!” Billie exclaimed.

“Yeah, I have a PHD, you know?”

“Wow, in what?”

“Lushotology. It’s this religion about drinking and getting high. It’s pretty interesting when you get into it.”

“That’s so cool, we should join sometime!” Fink froze. He did not want to go back to Lushotology. Van had formed it, and though Fink had been a loyal member for years, he was done with the whole ordeal.

“Um, no. That’s not a good idea. Let’s just eat.”

“Ok! I love spaghetti!” Billie exclaimed as he dove into his lasagna.

The two ate in comfortable silence, only breaking it for Fink to make a witty remark about one of the other restaurant patrons every once in a while. Once they were done, Fink knew there was only one more thing to do on this date.

“Uh, Billie, my love, can I ask you something?” Fink’s voice cracked as he realized what he was about to do.

“Of course, Waylon Danger Fink.” Billie smiled.

“Huh?”

“What?”

“Anyway, these past two days have been the best days of my life. You know, I saw you at this Olive Garden before.”

“You have?” Billie gasped. Fink nodded and grabbed his guitar form under the table and started to sing.

“When you were here before,
couldn’t look you in the eye,
you’re just like an angel,
your skin makes me cry.
You float like a feather
in a beautiful world.
I wish I was special.
You’re so fucking special.”

Billie started to cry. Fink’s skin made him shed a few tears as well!

“Oh, Fink, you’re so-” Billie was interrupted by possibly the biggest moment of his life. Suddenly, the guitar was discarded. Fink knelt down on one knee. He reached into his jacket. He pulled a box out. It opened, revealing the most beautiful ring Billie had ever seen.

“Billie Joe Armstrong, the love of my life, will you marry me?” Fink asked, looking up into Billie’s crying eyes. They both had the biggest smiles ever seen on their faces.

“Yes! Yes! Oh, a thousand times yes!” Billie pulled Fink up and into a hug, then a kiss. The whole restaurant erupted into cheering as the rest of Creep by Radiohead played on the restaurant speakers. As Billie was slow dancing with Fink, he realized. This was the perfect proposal.

—

“Guys! Guys! Oh em gee!” Mike and Tre were startled awake from their slumber on the couch to Billie’s yelling and slamming of doors. They lived in a giant mansion due to their fortune, but the two preferred the couch so that they could catch Billie stealing mass amounts of cereal during the night.

“Wh- what is it dude?” Tre asked sleepily.

“Fink PROPOSED!” Billie exclaimed as he fell on the floor, totally overwhelmed by his love for Fink. Mike and Tre shot up.

“WHAT?” they yelled in unison.

“He proposed! And I said yes! And we danced to Creep!” Billie squealed, completely blind to Mike and Tre’s shock.

“Y-you’re getting married to a man you met three days ago?” Mike asked.

“Yes! It’s perfect! Our relationship of two days really stood the test of time.”

“I… have no words.” Mike stated, trembling as he and Tre burst into tears. Billie was, once again, oblivious.

“I didn’t either when he proposed!”

“Billie, pal, bud, chum, this… this is a really bad idea. You don’t know him. Are you even going to sign a prenup? He may as well only be after your money.” Tre asked, putting a reassuring arm around Billie.

“I don’t care! I’m in love!” Billie shook his arm off and ran off to his room, only a short few thousand feet to the other side of the mansion. Mike was now uncontrollably sobbing, and Tre turned his reassurance to him.

“Mike, honey, it’ll be ok. We still have each other, and I doubt Billie is going to leave and move in with this rando.”

On the other side of the mansion, Billie received a text from Fink.

“Want 2 move in with me? Since we’re getting married ;-)” Billie let out another squeal.

“OMG yes! Where do u live?”

“I’m sure it’s close to you, don’t worry. There is one rule though.”

“Wut is it? :3”
“Don’t go in my lab. It’s highly dangerous.”

“A bit confused but OK! So excited!”

“I am too :-)”

Billie set down his phone on the end table and screamed into his pillow

“I love him, I love him, I love him, I love him!” Billie yelled, much to the distaste of Mike and Tre and their unreasonably thin walls and echoey ceilings. Once he was out of breath, he promptly passed out.