Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

8 years ago…

“You know that isn’t going to work right?” A critical youthful feminine voice spoke above them over the music of their speakers.

Cassian Kekoa and his brothers turned abruptly to the sound only to be met by a stunningly beautiful girl.

A gorgeous mesmerizing girl standing in the driveway of home in uptown Velaris.

Long golden brown hair half braided up and half down in loose wavy curls tumbled down her shoulders, her grey blue eyes gleamed in the sunlight like sapphires, light freckles painted over her cheeks and nose adorably, and her lips looked both amused and wry upturned slightly along with one of her pretty brows lifting up in question.

The boys immediately straightened up in the presence of a beautiful girl, of whom seemed to be roughly around their age, possibly younger.

They all watched as she took a graceful step forward to the quad bike they were working on or attempting to figure out how to fix. In all their expertise, their knowledge of car mechanics was not substantial enough or sufficiently comprehensive to grasp how to get the machine to do what they wanted.

Rhys, Cassian’s brother through adoption fixed his mesmerized expression into one of pleasantry, he smiled graciously, a hint of devilishness twitched at the corners of his lips.

“Why hello there.” Rhys greeted taking a step toward her. He cursed Rhys for being the first to speak to her.

Since hitting puberty, Rhys’s voice hit a lower more sultry timbre that he excessively used on the ladies, some guys too, the 16 year old knew exactly the blushing effect it had on others.

But this girl did not blush or preen in a way they all expected, instead she ignored Rhys making her way closer to assess the bike with calculating eyes.

Cassian watched bemused and very much entranced by the young beauty in front of him.

Standing up to his full height– which was abnormally large for a teenage boy his age– squaring his shoulders he mimicked her stance, arching an ebony eyebrow her way.

“What’s not going to work sweetheart?” He spoke wearing a smirk that left most people flustered.

Her gaze challenged him as she looked him straight in the eyes; her sapphires were even more calculating when assessing him compared to the ATV.

It was a stare close to appraising an opponent in a fight, and Cassian was glad to go against whoever this girl was, especially if she kept staring at him and only him with those lovely eyes.

Azriel, as usual was solemn and quiet but even his hazel brown eyes sparked in amusement and even a shimmer of awe as he looked at the interaction unfold, even Rhys couldn’t hold his expression as he grinned happily at the exchange.

Lifting her chin in elegance and defiance she tore her gaze from his staring at the monstrous ATV. Her thin frame looked so small and tiny compared to it and them, three large and growing teenage boys.

“The problem isn’t with the exhaust, so taking it apart and poking it will solve nothing.” She said simply as if it were the most obvious thing in the world, like it was common knowledge.

“You’re clearly just having an issue with fuel distribution, it’s clogging your fuel injector and burning an excess of fuel, hence causing a release of black smoke.”

“Meaning?”

She rolled her eyes playfully, almost disbelieving. “In basic terms, it just means it’s probably time to change your jets.”

All the brothers wore identical expressions of perplexity, confusion and astonishment.

“Jets. In the carburetor? What creates combustion to fuel this monstrosity’s engine?” The look on her face was straight up disbelief as she tilted her pretty head at an angle.

“Right, right of course.” Cassian brushed it off with nonchalance, as if he knew exactly what she meant.

He didn’t, but he didn’t want her knowing that.

She also probably didn’t even buy the act but it was better for his sake that he believed she did.

Shaking her head, she walked over to the tools set on their grand driveway all spread out as they tried to figure out the issue for the past two hours.

And she, this majestic creature of a girl, unlike any other girl he knew, took one glance and knew immediately.

“May I?” She smiled knowingly, gesturing to the bike.

“Be my guest, dear.” Rhys nodded, crossing his arms over his chest, over the crisp blue navy shirt he wore unlike Cassian who was missing his shirt, neither of his brothers got any oil on their clothes, which admittedly slightly frustrated Cassian now that his white fitted shirt was ruined with oil stains.

How embarrassing. He groaned internally.

At least she could see the lean muscles of his torso and smooth tanned skin. Giving her a nice view of the goods.

Leaning down, she crouched by their tools, picking out the things she needed. And if she noticed the way all three boys tracked the movement she paid no heed.

The boys were left dumbstruck, as they watched silently in awe as the brunette began to work in the hot heat of a Velaris summer day. They watched attentively as she drained the carburetor, removed it from the vehicle and worked away with switching out the jets with her small delicate fingers.

It took Cassian a moment to register the sight of a pretty girl, in a flowing pale dark violet skirt paired with soft white cardigan working over an engine.

It was humorous almost but equally as enchanting.

The way she bit her bottom lip and concentration made it impossible for Cassian to follow her instructive hands, he could only stare at her face, the focus, the workings of her brain expressed in the crinkle of her nose or the shifts of her brows.

Then as he watched away, forgetting his brothers beside him, he saw as a silky strand of her golden hair fell over her face in obstruction.

Strangely, he wanted nothing more but to push out of her face, brush it behind her ear, and maybe even hold her hair back for her.

What is wrong with you?

He shook himself from the strange, weird thoughts running through his mind over the stranger on his driveway. God, he didn’t even know her name.

“So um, how exactly do you know about this stuff huh?” Cassian tried to keep his voice deep and resonant, oozing with insouciance.

“My father was a mechanic, of sorts.” She answered simply, leaning down to kneel on the pavement to reinsert the carburetor, but there was something about her voice that didn’t sound quite right in her tone.

“Was?”

When she didn’t respond, he took it as a sign not to push the conversation further. Instead he steered it away to find out more about her.

“How come we’ve never seen you around?”

“Just moved here with my family a couple houses down the street from here.”

From then on the questionnaire between Cassian and the girl ensued. He even moved closer, leaning over the seat on his elbows of the bike watching her head and hands handle the carb and engine.

“You just come walking around the street hoping to help three big idiots fix their bike?”

“Well, I was hoping to walk around the neighborhood, but you all were bickering so loud, you disrupted my peaceful walk.”

They laughed.

“Where’d you move from?”

“Terrasen.”

“How old are you? Seem a little young to know all this stuff.”

“I’m 14. Aren’t you a little too old not to know the basic functioning mechanics of a vehicle?”

Damn, two years younger than him, clearly smarter than him, she could easily run circles around him and she was just a freshman.

“In our defence, we just got the quad bikes.” Rhys came to his aid.

“I don’t have a quad bike.” The brunette stated blandly.

“Checkmate.” Rhys retreated, hands up in surrender, amusement written all over his expression.

After a while he asked her the questions he really wanted to know the answers to with a cocky grin and playful eyes as she got more and more agitated from each question.

In that moment he decided her frown was cute and annoying her was fun.

“What’s your name?”

“I don’t see how that’s any of your business,” she replied dismissively.

“No, but it’s not a crime to share.”

He added, “if you don’t i’ll just keep having to refer to you as sweetheart, or gorgeous, princess maybe?”

He wiggled his eyebrows at her to tempt her, tease her, taunt her, all of the above. Behind him Rhys chuckled at something Azriel murmured into his ear about Cassian being shameless or idiot or both probably.

“Nesta Archeron.” She spoke ruefully, standing up to her full height.

Nesta. Nesta. Nesta.

“Cute.” He smirked, noticing the way she frowned forcibly as if trying to hide a smile.

“I’m Cassian, by the way, if you were wondering.”

“I wasn’t, actually.” She remarked swiftly with a lovely radiating confidence, arching her eyebrow spectacularly at him.

Rhys and Azriel snickered trying to hold in their laughter.

“Anyways, I’ll let that slide Nesta,” he said, trying out her name on his tongue and it was as lovely and pretty as she was.

Rolling her sharp blue eyes, she turned and looked at Azriel and Rhys avoided Cassian’s heavy gaze. “So what are your names?”

Cassian chuckled to himself, he could tell Nesta only asked to spite him, tease him, mess with him. All of the above.

She was a worthy opponent he could tell. He really, really liked her fire.

“Rhys Kekoa, at your service.” He bowed gracefully with a wink.

“Azriel. Welcome to Velaris” His more solemn and introverted brother spoke with a surprising upturn of his lips that looked like a smile.

“Nice to meet you.” Nesta spoke kindly but lifted her chin up confidently. Her voice was sweeter than before, a genuine smile graced her lips, more comfort showed on her face.

It seemed she was either tense and hesitant at first, and he couldn’t blame her, three tan and muscled 16 year old boys could be a little intimidating. But all hesitance and tenseness left her spine.

Quickly she knelt down, to inspect her work and make sure all was well.

Cassian leaned off the bike to walk around it, he stopped by where she crouched, her hair flowing over her shoulders, her little fingers getting black grease on them.

Most girls her age would be complaining by now. He knew his friends Mor and Amren would never dare to put their hand near an oily engine and they were just as pristine as Nesta looked looked if not less.

As she stood up, she tried to brush her hair out of her face only to end up with a black smudge painted on her pale cheek bone and tip of her cute upturned freckled nose.

The sight was precious, yet strange. She was dressed prettily and pristine like a spoiled girl who never worked a day in her life but her hands told a different story of a girl who knew how to get things done. A girl who could fend for herself.

Not to mention that snark and wit.

Nesta blushed pink when Cassian reached over to wipe away the grease with his thumb, the same hand holding her jaw gently in his rough calloused hand.

He couldn’t help himself, his body moved before his mind had the chance to second guess it.

Their eyes met and it felt like an electric current running through him, traveling through his body, awakening a spark inside, like an engine turning on.

The contact set him on fire, in a very confusing way. Ways he was not going to sort out right now.

“You had a little something there.” He said casually, coolly, with a smirk like the teenage casanova that he was.

“Thanks.” She nodded looking away, her eyes diverting around the driveway.

“Here.”

Azriel handed Nesta a rag for her hands and face. Looking down at the side mirror of the ATV she wiped her nose and cheek again even though it was clean.

“Thank you.” She smiled bashfully.

“We should be thanking you.” Rhys said smoothly. “We would’ve been out here all day like morons.”

“Yeah. You were amazing.” Cassian added stupidly, unable to control the words as they flew out of his mouth.

Nesta’s laugh was melodic, it would echo through his head for the rest of the day.

“I pitied you all standing there like idiots taking it apart, incorrectly. Morally and ethically I would’ve felt responsible if any harm came to your quad bike.”

“Very generous of you.” Azriel mused.

“Did your dad teach you all that?” Rhys asked.

The amusement in Nesta’s expression felt slightly but she tried to keep her voice light.

“My morals and ethics? No. As for the fixing part. No, not exactly. He just has a bunch of books about cars and motors, mechanics and all that when he used to own a car dealership. So I read them because he refused to teach me how.”

She shrugged her shoulders up, trying to emote that she wasn’t bothered but it was clear she was.

“He didn’t really believe in educating any of his daughters.” Her voice turned spiteful and sad, Cassian started to pick up on why she didn’t like talking about her father.

“You learned all that by reading a book?” Despite the sad and negative shift in the conversation, he focused on how impressed he was by Nesta.

“Yes.” She nodded solemnly.

“I am impressed, Nesta.” Cassian blew out a whistle. “If only I could do that with Calculus and I might actually get an A.”

Finally, she laughed and Cassian was glad to make her smile. He felt more accomplished in that one moment than during all his other achievements, winning hockey tournaments, the victory of his first though his adoptive mother might say it’s not something to be proud of.

He still was, regardless. The guy was a prick. And the bastard had deserved it.

“Well, I liked to read a lot growing up, there wasn’t much to do in our small town.”

“Ah, she loves to read.” Cassian mused, something else they could bond over. “Velaris Academy actually has one of the best libraries in all of Prythian. I think you’d love it.”

“Really?” The wonder in her eyes was thrilling, and thrumming happiness through his veins. “Me and my sisters are enrolling there in the fall.”

“Neighbor and you’re going to the same school as us. Are you sure you’re not stalking me, Archeron?”

“In your dreams.” She fired back defiantly.

“Probably.” He shrugged nonchalantly, smiling down at her. He noticed how she had to crane her neck slightly to look up at them.

Ignoring him.

“You should probably check if it’s fine now, there should be no more black smoke, the engine should run smoothly.”

Azriel went over his scarred hands on the handles, powering up the bike, with no black smoke from the exhaust and sonorous rumbling of the engine, it seemed that Nesta did a wonderful job.

Nesta grinned proudly, but not surprised.

“However, can we repay you Nesta?” Rhys asked, a small happy smirk looming over his devilish mouth.

“Hmm.” She hummed thoughtfully. “What makes you think you could offer me something I want?”

What a devious little thing she was.

“You clearly haven’t met Rhys then. He’s like a genie.” Cassian barked a laugh, Rhys punched him in the arm.

“What about a date? Your pick?” Cassian offered with a wolfish grin.

“With one of you?” Nesta’s eyebrows shot up in surprise, a blush flushed across her nose, she quickly amended her expression with a disinterested frown.

“She would be the one doing us another favor, Cass.” Azriel joked, flicking the back of Cassian’s dark haired head with the back of his hand.

Nesta smiled satisfied at that. Damn you, Az.

“Consider my generosity, charity. Next time, you’ll owe me a ride.”

“You can have a ride anytime.” Cassian winked. “I can show you around Velaris if you want, it can even be a date sweetheart.”

Rhys and Azriel both hit him behind the head, for being a goofy uncontrollable idiot.

She giggled, covering a hand over her mouth, in an attempt to stifle the wonderful noise.

“You are ridiculous.” She shook her head, hiding a smile.

“Ridiculously handsome?”

“Ridiculously stupid. Arrogant. Brutish.”

Cassian gasped, holding a hand to his heart. “You wound me. Here I thought we were becoming friends, Nesta.”

Azriel and Nesta rolled his eyes, they would be good friends he knew.

“Don’t mind him. He probably hit his head hard when he was a child. Brain damage, sadly no cure.“ His older brother interjected smoothly, his violet eyes sparkling.

Cassian punched him in the ribs as he laughed.

Then all of a sudden a dark grey sedan rolled to a stop on their street, in front of the long driveway, the window rolled down, two girls were sitting in the back seat with features similar to Nesta’s only they were clearly younger but not by much.

One had brown eyes and darker hair the other girl had the same sharp grey blue eyes and Nesta. These were her sisters, he safely assumed.

The driver was a wise looking woman in her mid 30’s, looked nothing like either of the girls, did not even look related to the girls at all. She had short black dark hair, big round brown eyes, and dark tan skin contrary to Nesta’s pale ivory skin.

“Nesta! Ma cherie!” The woman called sweetly for the brunette. “Time to go. We’re late honey!”

“Sorry, coming!” She called back.

Turning back to the boys, she smiled. “I’ve got to go. It was nice meeting you all.”

“The pleasure is all ours. Truly.”

“Thank you for the help.” Azriel’s grin was crooked but real.

“It was nothing, really. See you guys.”

“I’ll see you later, neighbor,” Cassian grinned widely as she walked away, and he really did hope he would see her later, and soon.

Nesta smiled over her shoulder once more, as she jogged down the driveway, hopping into the passenger’s seat with another apology in a language he perceived as French.

The memory of her upturned lips would forever be in his mind. And the girl wearing that smile would forever change his life.

Chapter Text

7 years ago…

Cassian stepped out of his black Range Rover, closing the door he leaned against his new car waiting for a certain brunette outside, parked on her street.

He wore his crisp Velaris Academy uniform; the midnight navy sweater hugged over his refined muscled on top of the white button up– the top two buttons completely forgotten– the constricting silver and blue tie he always kept loose around his neck and slim fit grey chinos that shaped his long legs.

While Cassian waited he rolled up his sleeves over his thick muscled tan forearms, he had grown up a lot since last summer, his naturally lean muscles grew over the summer along with his height.

His family wasn’t sure if he’d ever stop growing. Not that he minded, chicks dig tall guys.

I wonder if Nesta’s type is tall, he wondered dumbly to himself adjusting his shirt sleeves and sweater.

Mentally berated himself, reminding himself that Nesta was almost 2 years younger than him, in the grade below him, a sophomore to his junior, his neighbor.

Not to mention off limits and completely unattainable.

But damn, if she wasn’t the prettiest, most sweetest thing he’d ever laid eyes on.

None of the senior or junior girls could ever compare to little resident genius Nesta Archeron, also known as, the star to all of Cassian’s fantasies and dreams for the past year and half.

Damn her.

They had been friends ever since that day she came up to their drive way and fixed their quad bike and basically put them all under her witchy enchantress trance.

As if the gods had answered his prayers, Nesta walked by their house again wearing another ridiculously adorable outfit with her hair up in a long ponytail her younger sisters walking with her in tow, all of them brightly chatting.

“Nesta.” He called out.

Nesta smiled. “Cassian. these are my sisters Feyre and Elain.”

“Hello!” The youngest exclaimed excitedly, the middle sister went for a small charming wave and gentle smile.

“Hello. Nice to meet you ladies.”

“Is this the guy you told us about?” Feyre asked, there was a little smirk playing on her lips. Devious like her sister, he thought.

Nesta immediately turned red and blushed, she attempted to school her face and glared at her younger sister. “No.”

“Aw sweetheart you talked about me.”

“No. I didn’t.”

“Don’t lie.” He pouted, earning a laugh from the sisters except Nesta who frowned and blushed and he took a mental picture of that expression for some odd incomprehensible reason.

“Oh now I remember you’re the boy that didn’t know the difference between and exhaust and a carburetor.”

Nesta’s sisters giggled while Cassian playfully narrowed his eyes at her.

“And you’re the girl that got black grease all over her face.”

“Did not.”

“Did too.”

“Hey Cassian.” Feyre interrupted. “You wanna come over to our house. Alis made brownies, and she had the best brownies. Trust me.”

“Oh yeah?” Cassian’s gaze diverted from the wild energetic girl up to Nesta who privately smiled at her sister and then at Cassian. “Well, I mean if you’re offering, I’d love to try them out. Chocolate is my weakness.”

“Really? That’s Nesta’s favorite.” Elain spoke, her honey brown eyes sparkled.

“She can eat an entire box by herself. Sometimes two.” Feyre whispered loudly cupping her mouth away from Nesta, who only rolled her blue eyes while Cassian threw his head back and laughed.

Together they all walked back to their house, Elain and Feyre two steps ahead of Cassian and Nesta, and he could not stop staring at her, admiring her perfect profile, secretly counting the freckles on her nose, constantly turning his head when she stared back him.

Now, the long legged grey blue eyed beauty stepped out front with heavy textbooks in her small arms, golden chestnut waves of flowing hair brushed by the wind as she rushed out the door of the Archeron household.

Which was maintained by their guardian Alis, who had taken in the girls about two years ago and moved them to Velaris last year.

Nesta never elaborated or went into explicit depth over what happened, how her father lost custody of the girls and ended up in loving safe arms of Alis Chastain, a french chef with her own cafe in Velaris, The House.

It was clear that whenever the Archeron patriarch was mentioned all the girls went silent in bitter anger, even Elain, it was apparent that whatever animosity they shared was not one to meddle in.

Even after over a year of friendship– since that hot faithful summer’s day in their driveway– Nesta refused to talk about her father, to talk about her family, or their past life in Terrasen.

At most she was vague, talked about Elain and Feyre growing up, the horseback riding, the walks to the park, Feyre’s art, Elain’s garden, Feyre’s grumpy moments, Elain’s gullible ones.

That was the extent.

Only from Feyre and Elain would Cassian hear the stories about the reading to them in Nesta’s bed during a thunderstorm, Nesta’s dance parties, the countless games of cards or the puzzles, the undying protectiveness of their eldest sister.

Stories that always left Nesta red, embarrassed and unable to look anyone in the eye except fixing her sisters with a half hearted glare.

The love they had for each other was undeniable, despite everything, the petty bickering, the conflicts of misunderstanding one another. The three girls loved each other no matter what.

Different from the love he shared with his adopted family, but the love was just as strong and powerful.

Cassian and his brothers were loud and rambunctious, you could hear the booming love they all shared from a mile away, with the Archeron’s it took a closer look to see how immense their quiet love was.

It was silent rather than resonant because it was in their everyday actions rather than overt affections and over pronounced words.

It was Elain saving Feyre the corner piece brownie knowing it’s her favorite part or when she leaves fresh lavender and gardenia in Nesta’s room because she knows it comforts the eldest Archeron when she’s stressed.

Or Nesta buying Feyre brand new art supplies when she’s running low because she pays attention to her sister’s passion and when she sings to Elain because it soothes her when she gets sad and when she does both her sister’s hair.

Or Feyre leaving silly loving doodles on post it notes in their textbooks and rooms with a sweet reminder of how much she loves them or a joke– too many times Cassian found a post it note making a mock out of Cassian and his brothers in Nesta’s textbooks.

He had to admit Feyre was pretty talented.

They looked out for each other, defended each other, and supported each other above all else. It showed Cassian that their father might’ve done a bad job at being there for his girls, but his daughters did well off without him, instead finding reliability in each other.

This was the silent bond between Cassian and the girls, he understood what it was like to be abandoned, to be without a father in a way.

While his father was physically absent, Nesta’s father was emotionally absent– from what he was able to gather from the little crumbs of truth he was given.

In a way, their parental issues left scars they could both relate to, both compare and shoulder a bit of the pain.

Even if Nesta and her sisters didn’t like to talk about it, he knew her and them well enough by now to know it cut deep, he knew they lost their mother when they were young and the only person they had left was their father and he failed.

“Come on, sweetheart!” He called out sporting his winning smile as he leaned off the car.

“You’re late.” She said slightly breathless as she reached him, all beautiful wearing her uniform perfectly.

Her grey skirt showed off her very long pale legs, the white quarter length socks tucked neatly into her lace up black shoes, her white button up and the same navy sweater hugging her lean torso and sweet curves, paired with the silver and blue tie– an exemplar example of what one should look like wearing a Velaris Academy uniform.

“No. You’re late.” He flicked her freckled nose, the freckles faded and less prominent since the summer, it made him really miss the bright sun and sunny weather just so he could see those adorable freckles painted across her cheeks.

Her face cringed into exaggerated disgust, slapping away his hand.

Before she could hit him with another retort he grabbed her extra heavy textbooks from her little hands.

“Jesus Archeron. Are these always necessary?” He asked, pretending the books were made of metal.

Grey blue eyes rolled with a huff of annoyance as he pulled them from her reach with a cocky smirk. “No one asked you to carry them, Cass. I am perfectly capable of carrying them myself.”

Her arms crossed defiantly against her noticeably larger chest since he met her, especially since last summer. Nesta’s eyebrow raised in challenge, but the only challenge he was facing was not glancing down and taking her figure.

Each morning he struggled with restraint and patience and did not allow his eyes to rove down her body.

“Yes. I know all the things you’re capable of, linda.” He chuckled, trying to distract himself with another conversation topic.

Nesta glared at the pet name he called her when he was either being sarcastic or pretending to be sarcastic so he could compliment her. Beside her withering glare, she otherwise didn’t comment on it, it was too early in the morning to argue with him, he knew.

“I’m being a gentleman.” He asked, grinning as they entered the vehicle, casually flipping over the pages, equations and diagrams flashing before his eyes. “This is all fascinating stuff, Nes.”

As Nesta got comfortable in her seat leaving her bag in the back seats she snorted at his comment.

“First of all, you’ve never been a gentleman a day in your life, you’re not capable. Second of all, it is fascinating, Cassian.”

“You gonna keep insulting me. Or is this one of those things I got to tickle out of you?”

“Don’t you dare.” She warned. “Or I’ll ride with Rhys.”

“You wouldn’t.” He gasped dramatically one hand on the steering wheel the other to his chest.

“Oh. I would. Besides, he has a nicer car than you.”

“Don’t even try and lie, Nesta. Don’t even try.” He tutted, causing Nesta to laugh, pinching his arm.

“Hey! I’m driving missy. Watch it. Don’t make me pull over and seek immediate retribution.”

“I told you Cassian. If you even dare tickle me again. I would cut your manhood off.” She threatened even with a small pink blush on her cheeks, her face betrayed the fire in her words.

Nesta could never talk about anything remotely sexual or relating to the opposite sex. It was where they differed, Nesta was all shy and embarrassed where Cassian was all arrogant and cocky.

It was precious but it also stirred something protective in him whenever other guys made a pass at her, mostly because Nesta had yet to have her first kiss.

Feyre let it spill once, accidentally.

Cassian was fiercely protective of the girls down the street. Always watching out for Elain and Feyre, and secretly, more covertly Nesta.

Not that they really needed protecting, Nesta especially; they protected themselves and they protected each other.

“That’s my most important part.” Cassian argued wearing a playful frown which then turned into a wolfish grin at Nesta’s expression.

“It’s probably the only part that actually works.” She muttered with a small smirk, Cassian heard and reached a hand out to tickle her, threats be damned.

Her giggles filled the car, over the light tunes of the music playing over the radio, it was truly one of his favorite sounds.

“Stop it you idiot.” She laughed breathlessly, slapping his hand away, until finally he ceded the attack.

After a bit of silent chuckles and laughter, they both finally settled. Nesta seemed deep in concentration about something as she looked straight ahead, purposefully avoiding Cassian’s gaze with her brows furrowed, her eyes rolling in emotions he couldn’t depict yet.

Something was wrong.

“Ok. Tell me what’s going on in that big pretty brain of yours, Archie.” He tried to play it light, it was usually the only way of getting to her.

“Nothing’s going on.” She snapped defensively, too defensively one would say. “I’m fine.”

“Something’s always going on in your brain, brat.” He retorted watching as she crossed her arms against her chest, a defense mechanism he recognized all too well.

“You’re a terrible liar sometimes. You know that.”

“You should get your lie detector checked, it’s obviously faulty. Since I’m fine.”

She was evidently trying to distract him from whatever was bothering her with useleness. Typical Nesta.

It wasn’t going to work. Whatever was going on he was going to pull it out of her.

“Lame response. Not going to work, Nesta.”

“You’re lame,” she mumbled with a pout he wanted to wipe away with his thumb.

“Whatever, come on, tell me. I can sense something is wrong. I’m not going to shut up until you tell me.”

A moment of silence, which Cassian knew was Nesta gaining whatever courage it was to confide in him.

Over a year of friendship, which felt more like forever, and Nesta still had trouble being vulnerable with him. He knew it wasn’t an issue of trust but that Nesta had difficulty opening up to everyone, even her sisters.

He drove and sat patiently, giving Nesta the time and space she needed.

“Fine.” She feigned a sigh, but Cassian could hear the underlying tones of sadness and remorse present.

“I know, I don’t talk much about my father. And it’s because well, he wasn’t really present for us growing up, as you could already tell.”

Cassian nodded in listening and understanding.

“When we left Velaris, we left on really bad terms with our father. I was angry at him for leaving us in the dirt after our mother died. And he got drunk and abandoned us. If it wasn’t for Alis, Cassian, I don’t know what would’ve happened to us.”

She took a deep breath, Cassian took a chance and reached over for her small hand in encouragement. He was giving her courage and trust in his gesture.

“Alis said he called the house this morning. And he– he wants us back. Cassian, he said he has lawyers.” At this Nesta shuddered, a broken quiet sob leaving her mouth, his grip on her hand tightened slightly.

“I know you know he wasn’t a good father, but he wasn’t a good man either. It took Alis and the therapy for me to realize he was emotionally abusive. I knew deep down it wasn’t right, the way he shouted, the way he made us do things for him, the way he blamed us for everything. All because once upon a time he was a better man and father to me, Elain and Feyre. He was awful, Cassian. He would leave for days sometimes, only to come back drunk. At first we thought he left for good and then he kept coming back. The first time we thought it was an intruder in our house, we had no one to protect us, Feyre was only 7.”

Nesta squeezed his hand as if the memories physically pained her. “Then the dealership started to fail and he got into some bad business, putting all of us in danger. Strange men came by the house. Finally, after my father failed to follow through with a business deal they came and trashed the house, they beat him up while Feyre, Elain and I hid in the closet.”

“That’s when Alis came in and saved us. She fought for us and for the first time in our lives we had someone to protect us, to keep us safe. Now– now, he wants to take us away from the only place that finally feels like home, finally feels safe.”

Her breath shuddered, she held a hand to her chest, as if she was suffocating on the pain in her heart.

“I don’t want to go back. Cassian, I don’t want to go back there. To that house. To that life. To him. We were miserable there. I don’t want that life for Elain and Feyre. I don’t want him to take us away. They’re happy here.”

“I’m happy here.” The words were barely audible as she whispered them into the air like a secret.

Trails of crystal tears ran down her cheeks, her grey blue eyes held a watery gaze, her fingers trembled slightly and she wrung out her hands, her eyes squeezed shut in an attempt to stop the tears only to fail.

It was the first he’d ever seen Nesta cry, and it broke his entire heart, he wished he’d never have to see it again, he wished he would never be the reason for her tears.

Cassian parked his car in the lot as quickly as he could, his first instinct was to reach for her, to hold her.

“Nesta.” He spoke softly, her face was devastated and avoided his gaze.

Cassian reached for her chin with two fingers, he lifted her head until she was looking at him, meeting his earnest and caring eyes.

She shook her head, the emotions exploding inside her, it was like a dam was opened letting the sadness and tears flow out.

It made her look so fragile and delicate, it reminded him how young Nesta was, how she tried to put on such a strong front, for her sisters, for herself but in reality Nesta was scared and fragile too.

“I don’t want to go.” Her voice cracked, more tears and sobs wracking through her.

“Hey, hey. He won’t take you away, Nesta. He’s not okay? I won’t let him. Alis won’t let him. You’re not going anywhere sweetheart. Okay?”

He soothed her hair back as she cried into his neck, he lulled her with his voice and ministrations hoping it was enough to settle her.

He so badly wished to make promises to her, he knew he would do everything in his power to protect her and her sisters, to keep them safe. But he knew it was foolish to make promises when there was no guarantee.

All he could do now was hold her and comfort her, even if he could’ve wished to do more.

“It’s going to be alright. He’s not going to take you and your sisters away.” He reassures, he knows Nesta is just afraid, afraid of the possibility and idea of returning to that man.

It’s her anxiety boiling up inside her, it’s the fear of authority, the lawyers, her father, the threat of returning to that broken sham of a home.

Because there surely is no way that Nesta could be taken away from him. No way.

His thumb draws soothing circles on her cheeks as the tears die down and her breathing evens again steadily.

“You were going to carry this around all day, weren’t you?” Cassian asks, holding her delicate face in gentle hands, his eyes searching and watching Nesta’s beautiful facial expressions.

Sadly, Nesta nodded.

“Nes.” His voice is soft trying to cocoon her safety and reassurance. “You don’t have to burden these things alone. You know that right?”

“I didn’t want to scare Fey or Lain, they’ve been through where our father’s concerned. And I didn’t want to ruin the day with family drama.”

“You talking about your emotions and feelings will never ruin the day, it will only ruin yours if you don’t. Nesta, I’m here for you when you need me. I’m your shoulder to cry on. Your friend to lean on. Okay?”

He pressed a soft kiss to her forehead, her skin was so warm and silky underneath his lips, he almost melted.

“Okay.” She whispered quietly, nodding her head against his hand.

Without restraint or care, Cassian smiled slightly to himself, then pressed his lips to her warm inviting skin again, he pulled away staring into her gorgeous eyes watching the smile twitch at her lips.

“Thank you, Cass.”

“What ever are friends for sweetheart?” He grinned.

She breathed out a laugh. “Free rides?”

Cassian boomed with laughter and proceeded to flick her nose earning a smile from the lovely girl before him, it was all he needed to make the day brighter and step lighter.

“Sure, Nes.” He chuckled before stepping out of the car and walking Nesta into school, as he did everyday.

But today he had the impression of her warm skin against his lips.

Chapter Text

7 years ago…

Cassian and Azriel were adopted by Rhys’s mother when they were both eight years old. The two boys lived in Illyria, Cassian with his mother and Azriel with his abusive step father and step brothers.

Cassian had never known his father but he knew from his mother he wasn’t a very good man.

Cassian and Azriel were inseparable as his children, they protected each other no matter what in their little town.

One winter evening, coming home late from her double shift, Cassian’s mother was killed by the dangerous men that run the streets.

A week later the woman from the foster care system came to take Cassian away, told him a nice very wealthy woman in Velaris wanted to give him a home with her family. But Cassian refused, struck by grief he didn’t want to lose the only family he had left, Azriel.

A few days later the woman came and offered to take both of them in. The boys didn’t hesitate to refuse.

Aurora Kekoa brought them into their home, provided them with food, warmth and love more than the two boys could’ve imagined.

Rhys was hesitant at first, he argued with Cassian and Azriel constantly, antagonizing them, being a rude spoiled child, they fought over the stupidest of things, either consumed on jealousy or distrust.

Rhys liked neither of the boys, at first.

Then one day when boys were bothering Azriel, teasing him for the scars on his hand, Cassian and Rhys wound together in defending their brother.

Ever since that day they became brothers, united and unified.

They found love and acceptance in each other.

Not many people knew that story. The tragic backstory that ended all three boys together.

Cassian never felt comfortable sharing, it was a piece of him that was private and intimate.

The only person he had ever told was his best friend, Nesta Archeron. He trusted her with his most valuable and private confession and she held onto him like it meant everything.

It had meant everything.

Ever since that day, he knew he’d be connected to her forever. He wanted her and her pretty smile in his life forever.

He was halfway through his junior year with his brothers, one the most important hockey games of the season coming up and his mind filled with a certain brunette.

He parked his car in the garage wanting nothing more to get on his routine phone call with Nesta, where he pestered her till he distracted her from her diligent studies and stayed up talking to him instead.

But much to his surprise and delight he heard voiced booming in the house and he found Nesta and her sisters sitting in the TV room of their large home with Mor, Rhys’s cousin and friend, even Amren their senior friend, friend was a lightly used term– it was debatable to consider Amren had any friends, she was a vicious viper hiding in a 5 foot teenage girls body.

She was terrifying.

But now sitting in his living room, sat comfortably on the couch wearing blood red lipstick with a bored expression on her face as she stared at the television, he seemed a little less terrifying and more relaxed without her usual feline venomous smile.

Amren’s facial features were unchanging as Cassian walked into the scene.

Mor and Nesta were sat on the floor by the black mahogany coffee table in what appeared to be the blond girl doing Nesta’s makeup, the latter with her back mostly to him had a hidden smile on her face as Mor blabbed her ears off.

Elain and Feyre were on the other end of the couch styling Rhys’s midnight black hair, giggling, while the man in question smirked and appreciated his full face of makeup in the mirror in his hand.

Vain bastard. Cassian thought humorously.

Azriel sat on the arm far off on the other end of the room caught Cassian’s eye and smirked, giving him a look that said, run away while you can.

Before he even had the chance Mor’s eyes brightened and caught the sight of him in the doorway.

“Cassian!” His blond family friend exclaimed excitedly.

Everyone in the room whirled to where he stood. But his eyes focused on Nesta who wore a blush on her face, one that was not makeup products but blood rushing to her cheeks and freckled nose.

He both thanked and cursed god for blessing her with those light painted freckles across her little nose. They were prominent now more than ever thanks to the bright hot sun.

Her smile widened as she looked up at him from where he stood, he shook his head pulling himself out of all thoughts involving Nesta and her smile and walked into the room.

“Nice makeup Rhys. Very pretty. Got a hot date?” He teased his brother with a wolfish grin.

“Ha. Ha. Stop being jealous. I look gorgeous. I could easily get a date like this.” He winked and blew himself a kiss in the mirror.

“It’s the makeup.” Feyre quipped, causing Rhys to look offended at the 13 year old. Otherwise he ignored her completely, going back to stare himself in the mirror while Elain and Feyre shared an amused look.

“How was practice?” Nesta asked as he settled next to her on the floor, leaning against the couch.

“Nesta head straight.” Mor said as she redirected the girls stare much to Cassian’s dismay.

So he leaned around Nesta’s cross legged body to stare at her face, pretending to be looking at what Mor was doing to her face.

He could care less about makeup or whatever, Nesta didn’t need that crap and it was terrifying and mesmerizing how incredibly gorgeous she was, and she was only almost 16.

“It was good. Coach Devlon thinks we’re ready for the Autumn Lions next week.” He spoke smiling at her, his face very close to hers. “What’s all this?”

Nesta rolled her eyes, gaining a complaint from Mor who kept telling her to keep still. “Makeup. What does it look like?”

“Huh. Here I thought you were finally fulfilling that dream of yours of being a clown.” He grinned like a wolf as he played with a soft strand of hair hanging in front of her face.

Nesta shoved his shoulder playfully, almost causing him to lose support of the arm holding him up. “The only clown here is you.”

He flicked her nose, causing Mor to bat his hand away and curse him. “Gosh, you ladies are violent today.”

“Let me finish. No more distractions Cass.” Mor warned, pointing a finger in his direction, raising a perfect eyebrow at him.

He smirked widely. “I’ll do my best.”

“What’s the point of all this anyways?” He dumbly asked, gesturing to the makeup laid out on the coffee table.

Azriel groaned. “Not again.”

At this Mor perked up throwing him a sly smile, Cassian immediately regretted the words as Mor went on about the history of makeup, feminist reformation and protest of using makeup and conquering toxic masculinity– hence Rhys being their guinea pig for today– but all spoken in bright simplified words.

“But you don’t need makeup.” He argued.

“Jesus Cass. It’s not about needing makeup, did you not listen to a word I said? Did you hit your head again or something?”

Nesta let out a delicious giggle.

“This is not unordinary behavior Mor, I think he’s just being annoying right now because he’s jealous you’re not doing his makeup.”

“I’m annoying? I’m not jealous! I wouldn’t let you go near me with that brush.” He said incredulously with a hand to his chest.

Then Nesta proceeded to smear some kind of makeup product in retaliation.

“You little swot. You’ll pay for that, Nes.”

Cassian ended up attacking Nesta’s small waist with his hands until she fell back squirming on the ground in laughter with him leaning over her.

She giggled as she tried to escape the attack, her golden brown hair fanning out on the soft grey carpet, her blue eyes squeezed shut, her hoarse voice pleading him to stop.

“My hard work!” Mor pouted with a sigh, but gave up on trying to get them to stop.

“Get off me you sweaty giant!” Nesta squealed, only urging him on.

Feyre then proceeded to attack Cassian, distracting him from Nesta. Cassian flew back at the force of the small vicious body pouncing at him with all her might, admittedly Feyre was pretty strong.

“Get him Fey.” Rhys howled.

Azriel chuckled, “Come on Nesta we taught you better than that.”

Laughter boomed in the house as the rest of them laughed and joined the tickle fight, even Azriel ended up tackled on the floor by Cassian while Amren secretly smiled on the couch.

The night ended with Cassian sitting on the floor in front of the couch, Nesta and Feyre doing his hair and Mor doing his makeup while Elain painted his nails.

Pizza’s on the table their mom ordered for them.

Amren on the couch watching the Kardashians, occasionally opening her mouth to insult Cassian, or Rhys.

And without his knowledge or consent Rhys and Azriel took secret pictures of the whole thing. Laughing at the whole ordeal while he silently scowled, but secretly relished in Nesta delicate fingers in his long hair.

This, this felt like home.

~*~

“Good luck at the game Kekoa.” Cresseida Summers winked at him, brushing a chocolate skinned hand past his arm, in a gesture he was far too familiar with from the advances of many girls. “Hope to see you at the party.”

Cassian smirked cockily, while Azriel shook his head at his brother and the sultry junior in their English Literature class.

“Don’t get any ideas. Tarquin and Varian would kill you.”

“It wouldn’t be the first time.” He laughed, wearing a wolfish grin, remembering he and Cresseida’s drunken hookup at the back to school party last year.

“You’re a pig.” His brother arched a questioning eyebrow his way.

“You sound like Nesta.”

Azriel shook his head shutting his locker, his eyes diverting over Cassian’s broad shoulder.

“Speaking of…” The dark brunette’s chin lifted up and gestured behind Cassian, where he turned around to find Nesta by her locker.

Helion Cleaver was leaning over the lockers beside hers, his dangerous eyes roving her figure, a cocky smile on his face as he chatted to an oblivious Nesta.

Noticing he was staring at them for too long, the anger building up he turned back to his brother. “What?” He snapped at Azriel who looked thoroughly amused.

“Nothing. ‘Good luck at the game Kekoa.’” He imitated, lightly punching Cassian’s arm, chuckling as he sauntered off to his next class.

Before anyone could stop him he started walking over to the pair, green envy rushing through his veins he couldn’t possibly control.

He swore if continued seeing more and more guys stare at Nesta like she was a religion they wanted to worship or a piece of fine meat he was going to fucking lose it.

“Hello Cassian.” Helion greeted in his sultry accented voice.

Nesta turned with a grin on her face, likely caused by Helion, it still somehow warmed him. Everything about her warmed him.

“Hey.”

Cassian simply didn’t trust the anger in his voice to speak so he casually nodded, ignoring the way Nesta frowned, opting to glare at Helion instead.

Helion clearly took the hint, wearing a bright smile, he looked down at Nesta taking her delicate hand in his, causing her to roll her eyes, slapping him away with a giggle.

Only he should be able to make her giggle like that.

“See you later ma chere. Hope you’ll take me up on that offer.” He walked off with a wink, Nesta’s eyes following him as she shook her head in disbelief.

Cassian felt the angry fumes building, his anger rising, he wanted to punch Helion’s handsome Haitian face into a locker.

“Cass?” She waved her little hand in his face pulling him from the burning scowl he followed Helion with.

His eyes turned back to Nesta, with a growl in his voice, his eyes narrowed down at her. “What was that about?”

Nesta looked thoroughly perplexed, her eyes going back to where Helion walked away. “Helion? My lab partner?”

“Yes.” He hissed, “He was clearly flirting with you.”

She lifted her shoulder in a casual shrug. “He just asked me out tonight–”

“He asked you out?” He might have sounded too disbelieved rather than upset that Helion asked her out– because Nesta’s next expression was offended.

“You don’t have to be so surprised, Cassian.” She began walking away from him.

“Nesta wait up. Come on, I didn’t mean it like that.”

“Whatever.” She threw over her shoulder.

They reached a secluded hall as Cassian reached to grab her shoulder to halt her. “I just meant–”

“I don’t care what you meant Cassian. You get asked out all the time so it shouldn’t be that hard to believe that Helion would ask me out on a date.”

Rage and envy crawled up over him, like vines of poison ivy. “So when is this supposed “date” you said again? Huh?” He was boiling green right now.

“I never said I was–”

“Tonight?”

She rolled her eyes at him, “I don’t see how it matters.”

“The game is tonight.” He growled, unable to contain his anger.

At this she scoffed. “Yes Cassian. I am well aware that the big game is tonight. The whole city is aware. I did not forget.”

“What? So you’re just going to go on a date with a fucking senior and miss the game?”

Her mouth was agape, her brows were furrowed as if she couldn’t believe him.

But he was the one who couldn’t believe the nerve of her missing his game, he had begged and begged to make sure she’d be there, even though she’d always gone to all his games.

He needed her to be there, always needed her there. She was his good luck charm. He couldn’t lose when she was there to support him.

Now she’s skipping out on his game to go on a date?

“You know what Nes. Go ahead. Get all pretty for him and go on your little date. Miss the game or whatever.” He threw his hands in the air in concession.

“Cassian, why are you acting like this? You’re being unreasonable right now. And an asshole.”

“Jesus Nesta, you’re the one being an asshole.” He started to storm away from her, his steps heavy and consumed by fury.

“Cassian!” She caught up and grabbed his wrist with all her strength, twisting him to face her. “Stop acting like a prick.”

He had enough, pulling his arm from her harshly he took a step toward her, leaning down, so close they were sharing their heavy breaths.

“Fuck off Nesta.” He growled in her face. “Just go right ahead. I really don’t care if you’re there or not. I don’t care what you do. Go on that date or not. I. Don’t. Care.”

Biggest lie of the century.

The pained look on Nesta’s face was enough to make him take it back, but the jealousy won out instead, he closed his angry mouth shut watching the agony cross her face and fade away slightly into Nesta’s calm mask but it was clear the hurt was winning out as her bottom lip quivered.

“You don’t mean that.” She whispered, her gaze turning watery, her grey blue eyes expressed sentiments he couldn’t comprehend in his rage.

His worst fears were coming true as a single almost inconspicuous tear rolled down her cheek.

Now all the anger was directed to himself.

But he didn’t have it in him to say anything else, he was too ashamed. Silence ghosted around them like a thick fog.

When Cassian still didn’t say a word, Nesta’s head immediately dropped to the floor, her arms hanging by her side, she took a small step back creating distance between them.

He could feel the loss tug his heart.

It was his first ever real argument with Nesta. They’d never fought like that before. Where he spoke lies and words he couldn’t take back.

“Fine then.” Her face was cold and icy when she looked back up at him. “Don’t worry, I won’t be there. Good game Cassian.”

Cassian watched with a watery gaze as she walked away from him and felt like he had just lost a piece of his heart.

He wasn’t sure how he was going to get her to forgive him.

~*~

10 minutes were left in the game, they were up by five points against the Autumn Lions. Cassian intended to keep it that way.

He used up all the anger he was feeling earlier during the game, expelling all of it onto the ice instead letting it bleed into his heart.

‘She’ll forgive you.’ Azriel had said.

He felt so stupid. He overreacted. She never even said she was going on the date. He just let himself be consumed by jealousy because Nesta had always felt like his, even if she wasn’t.

It’s not like he possessed her but that Nest was his best friend, his, his Nesta, the girl he hung out with almost every weekend, ate lunch with, and called everyday.

Maybe there was something more but his teenage brain was not ready to acknowledge it. Not at all.

He dumbly searched for her insane grey blue eyes, beautiful face, long bronze hair, instead he found his brothers, his mom, his friends, and her sisters.

No sign of Nesta sitting in the bleachers.

He really did everything to push her away. He was such a piece of shit.

Cassian had tried to hunt her down before school ended and before the game to apologize in person, he wanted to text her but he owed her an apology face to face.

Besides, she could ignore his texts, but she couldn’t ignore him.

He didn’t find her and he had to head to hockey to warm up and go over the plays with Coach Develon.

This was the most important game of the season and he wasn’t throwing it over a fight with his best friend, though he couldn’t get the image of the single tears running down her cheek as she looked at him in that hall.

Five minutes left on the clock.

His strong body was knocking into battle for the puck with a redhead, known as Eris Vanserra, but he only liked to remember him as the guy who messed with Mor back in freshman year during an away game.

They were tied now, Cassian wasn’t doing so well with Nesta still not there, the defeat was sinking that she wasn’t coming and it was his fault.

All of a sudden something caught onto his eye.

Without any control, he found Nesta hiding at the entrance, her hand held nervously to her chest and she watched him wrestle with Vanserra.

Nesta.

She gripped tightly to her necklace biting her plush lip, her hair fell around her shoulders the rest of her hair was half up.

She came.

All Cassian could focus on the fact that Nesta came to his game despite all the lies he told her. She still came.

For the next five minutes Cassian played the best he ever had the entire season, giving it his all now that he knew Nesta was there. He scored three more impossible goals and one assist and the crowd cheered as the clock buzzed to a stop.

The game was over. Velaris Bats had won.

Cassian could only focus on the private secret smile on Nesta’s face as he searched for her lovely face in the crowd.

When their eyes met, it felt like a piece of him being returned back to him.

She came.

As his team went off cheering loudly down the hall to the exit to celebrate with their friends and family.

Instead of celebrating and enjoying his win as Captain, he took the moment to take a breath sitting on the bench by the ice rink, staring out at the victory.

When he felt a gentle hand on his shoulder, he turned to find blue grey sapphires looking down at him softly.

“You came.”

“Of course I came.” She said softly. “I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.”

He had been so wrong. So very wrong.

He blinked. “Nes–”

“Congratulations by the way.” Her smile was weak but it was something.

“Nesta, look, I’m sorry. I was such an asshole. I overreacted. I really am sorry. I didn’t mean it. Any of it.” He took her hand, his eyes pleading for forgiveness. “I’m so sorry sweetheart. That was incredibly foolish of me. I shouldn’t taken it out on you like that.”

There were still so many words left unspoken but he hoped his eyes could say the things his mouth couldn’t.

“I know but it’s okay. It was stupid and foolish. You acted like an idiot but I forgive you Cass.” She squeezed his hand back, both their eyes soft and shining.

It turned out it didn’t matter how much of an idiot or asshole he could be, at the end of the day she would always his friend, because she knew him better than anyone.

“You were pretty good out there.”

Cassian breathed out a laugh, shaking his head, in both relief and content. “Yeah?”

“Mhm. You scored a lot of points. Impressive, I suppose. But I mean how hard is it really?”

Now she was teasing him with a sly little smirk on her lush lips. He guessed he sort of deserved that.

“Really Nes. You gonna play it like that?”

He stood up to his full height, dropping his skates to the floor by their feet, grinning wildly down at her.

“I swear if you tickle me–”

Instead Cassian hauled up into his arms for a tight hug, his arms snug around her waist, hers instinctively around his neck and he lifted her to the tips of her toes, taking in the lavender vanilla scent of her hair, burying his face in to her neck, never wanting to let her go.

“I can’t believe you came.” He whispered.

Nesta pulled away from him slightly, shaking her head, then she smiled as she leaned up to press a kiss to his cheek. It was chaste yet soft and left Cassian’s entire face burning inexplicably.

“Of course I did. What ever are friends for?” She smirked.

They both laughed, still embracing each other for what seemed to be too long, but he couldn’t help she fit perfectly into his arms.

He also couldn’t help replaying Nesta Archeron pressing her lovely lips to his skin for the rest of that night.

The shape of her lips felt forever imprinted on his golden tan skin.

Chapter Text

6 years ago…

It’s a cold December evening when Cassian knocks on Nesta’s window.

He hesitates for a moment, choosing to watch through the foggy, icy glass into her bedroom– a bedroom he had been in multiple times but not in the way he dreamed.

Being welcomed into Nesta’s room, he realizes, is a privilege. Her room littered and decorated with the most intimate parts of her mind, of her inner workings.

It’s all very complex, sophisticated, adorable, dorky, yet chaotic. But it’s Nesta.

So it’s impossible not love her organization and neatness, but the mess that is written on the sidelines of her books, the color coded post it notes inked with her elegant handwriting, the variety of classic literature, to the feminist literature up to her smutty romances– the ones she began reading that school year thanks to Helion who left his own secret supply of Sellyn Drake with the 16 year old when he left to university that year.

As Cassian knew, to his utmost relief, those books were the only realy knowledge of sex and relationships that Nesta had.

It was stupid and he had no idea why he was so relieved. If he did, he kept it to himself, kept deep and hidden within his soul, buried in his heart.

Cassian was in denial but he was also a big fat hypocrite.

He had had sex. More than once. With different girls. In different ways.

He was a hockey player. He was a senior. And he was tall, dark and handsome. The biggest hypocritical cliche there ever existed.

But his best friend never judged him for it, not really anyways, not in the ways that mattered. As a tease, yes. She always teased the hell out of him.

It was a mutual aspect of their friendship.

However she accepted him, and he her.

Yet there was that face that she made whenever she found out about another of his escapades or conquests.

One that felt both angry, disgusted and disdainful.

He tried not to think too hard about it. Or even let his mind reach why he secretly liked that expression on her face.

Then again there wasn’t an expression or face that Nesta Archeron made that he didn’t absolutely like.

One of his favorites was plastered on her face when he peeked into her window, trying to ignore how much of a creep it makes him out to sound as he crouched on her balcony in the cold snow.

Nesta’s face is relaxed pleasantly, the angles and sharpness of her face were smoothed out, a gentle smile that grows and blossoms softly caresses her pink lips.

She almost looks 14 again, standing in his driveway, with that reticence and fire that sings to him, that lulls him under her spell for years and years to come.

Her eyes look bluer and deeper than usual as she reads the book on her blacketed lap.

Cassian can hear the soft noise of classical music in the background creeping out the window faintly.

He knows under rare occasions Nesta likes to listen to gentle compositions in the background to enhance the reading experience, especially the romantic moments in the book in order for the scene to play like a movie scene in her head.

It’s so dorky that it’s adorable and it’s enough to make anyone’s heart melt.

Whoever said Nesta was able to eviscerate and hurl fire with only a stare was wrong, the girl had plenty of ways of leaving you a wet puddle.

Finally, he shakes his head, snapping himself out of wherever his mind was drifting off to– a land completely off limits, where he is very much banned from– and he knocks on the window quietly, only loud enough for her to hear.

Nesta’s focused sapphire gaze snaps to the window, he watches as she gracefully gets off her bed with a surprised but not so outraged look on her face.

Her smile is delicate and secret when she slides the glass pane open, letting in the wind of the cold winter air.

“Cass, what are you doing here?” She asks as she hugs the thick grey knit sweater closer to her body as she steps away from the balcony door, granting him into her room.

“I wanted to see you, Nes.” He says it sheepishly and arrogantly hoping the latter masked the former and the other underlying emotions he feels from tonight.

He tries to smirk down at her with regular cockiness displayed on his handsome face, only to fail miserably.

Today of all days, he cannot put up the front.

He doesn’t want to. It’s been a decade. 10 years.

But he doesn’t forget.

He never will. He can’t.

“Cassian.”

“Nesta.” He sighs because he recognizes the tone. She uses it on her sisters. She uses it on  him. It’s when she knows something is wrong.

We don’t lie to each other. That’s what you say.” She says with a kind and caring firmness that reminds him of their friendship– they don’t let each other fall, ever, and if they do they help each other back up whether it’s through being the arm they hold onto or the voice of encouragement.

The tender look he shares with Nesta as he looks down at her is the wall crumbling down.

It’s when he feels something in him finally tear apart and break on the 10th anniversary of his mothers death.

The whole day his adoptive mother, his brothers try to appease him, encourage him to let it out, he doesn’t.

Now in Nesta’s room at almost midnight, he feels the warmth and safety that makes him fall apart.

It all comes crashing down, the weight of the pain and the world falls on his shoulders and Nesta is the one to catch before he’s crushed under the collapse.

Before he could even register it, Nesta’s arms wrap around him tenderly, she holds him tight in her safe embrace, her hand brushing soothing motions against his back, her head is pressed against the top of his where he nuzzles his face into her neck as he sobs, tears making aggressive paths down the sharp planes of his face and she’s the one to wipe them away.

Next thing he knows, he’s in Nesta’s bed, head curled into her lap wrapped in fluffy soft blankets, her gentle fingers combing through his hair, Nesta’s voice is sweet and quiet as she reads outloud to him.

It warms him all over, it’s soothing he feels he could go to sleep like this, he could go to sleep like this, but he doesn’t.

Instead he holds onto her voice, her ministrations, her body so close to his where he lays on her bed.

There are so many feelings and words lumped in his throat he wants to let out, scream and shout, it’s caught on the tip of his tongue, prepared to be released only to fade into the darkness as sleep claims Cassian.

They never spoke of that day again.

Nesta never pried. Cassian didn’t let those words and feelings com tumbling out.

Instead it was a memory, turned into a dream, then into something he wasn’t sure ever happened.

But it had.

Nesta’s voice, her fingers, her body next to his like two pieces in a puzzle. It had been real. Something he would cherish forever and never forget.

~*~

It’s Christmas and the Archerons and Alis are at dinner at the Kekoa household. It’s bright and happy like the decorations and colors that decorate the room with cheerful festivities.

Cassian is happy despite the reminder that his mother isn’t with him to celebrate the holiday anymore, despite the reminder that the year she died he spent Christmas orphaned, cold and alone, not expecting that the year before was his last one with her.

10 years later he finds himself in a loving home, happy, warm and filled to the brim with spiked eggnog Rhys smuggled and stuffed on dinner which consisted of traditional Illyrian pork instead of a roasted stuffed chicken, mashed potatoes, asparagus, cranberry sauce, honey bread rolls his favorite growing up with his mother and in a half Illyrian household.

Aurora, their mother was Illyrian while Rhys’ father was from Velaris.

The two older women found themselves in easy flowing conversations while the rest of them caught up with Rhys and Amren over their time at university in their first semester.

Rhys was studying business and finance, after university he was planning on taking over their mother’s luxury fashion company.

While Amren, a demon herself, was majoring in Psychology to become a therapist to rid the world of their own demons.

He wondered how that was going to work out. He would pray for anyone who chose Amren Yen as a person to dump all their problems to and pay her for it.

Cassian supposed that was what was precisely fitting about it to Amren. She silently psychoanalyzed everyone anyways, and judged, judged away it only made sense she would make a career out of it.

They were all full from the feast but they all had room in their stomachs for dessert, they all always had room for Alis’s famous triple layered dark chocolate cake with rich german chocolate buttercream.

It was Nesta’s favorite thing in the entire world, every birthday Cassian had celebrated with Nesta, any commemoration or celebration that cake would make an appearance for Nesta.

There was nothing his best friend loved more than chocolate, well perhaps her sisters but even that was a tough draw.

Once everyone was finished, Alis proclaimed dessert as she went to stand to retrieve her dessert assortments from the kitchen to bring into the dining room.

Instead Nesta almost jumped from her seat with excitement.

“I’ll go get it.” She announced with a bright smile.

Alis and his mother chuckled at the young blossoming girl and her rare bursts of pure childish exhilaration.

“Of course ma chere. Merci.” She blew a kiss to Nesta, it was safe to say Cassian and his brothers and Mor weren’t the only ones to get a little tipsy.

Nesta practically sped out of the dining room gracefully, her bronze hair flowing behind her as her sisters giggled with each other.

Cassian stood from his chair with a smirk plastered on his face as he followed his friend out of the dining room into the kitchen.

He leaned against the wall of the large kitchen, amusingly watching Nesta from where she stood excitedly by the fridge pulling out the chocolate cake with carefulness and precision only she would dedicate her favorite cake.

“Need any help there sweetheart?” He asks with a chuckle knowing she is going to say no.

She never needs any help.

But he knows deep down times like this, the holidays can be hard for her and her sisters since moving away. He understands because they were hard for him too after his mother died and he was adopted.

So he’s thrilling, thrumming with brimming emotions when he sees her smile, when she laughs louder than usual, but especially when she looks over at him from across the table and gives him a private secret smile that’s just for him.

It’s the kind of smile that feels like Christmas when you see it, that looks like the ocean at midnight with the moon and stars reflection into the deep waters making the world sparkle all that much brighter.

It’s special these moments, he knows. And he doesn’t forget.

He refuses to let go of these moments but instead he holds on like the way Nesta holds onto the chocolate cake as if someone is going to take it away from her.

Cassian would never let anyone take her chocolate cake from her.

Only he is allowed to do that. Only him.

When Nesta cuts him a half hearted glare for his teasing he grins wolfishly only to step into the kitchen to get to the cupboards for plates.

He reaches from behind Nesta where she retrieves cutlery from the drawer.

His hard chest meets her back, his front molds into her back as he looks for those small plates.

He does his best to ignore the small noise Nesta makes when their bodies make contact, and does his best to ignore the effect that it has all over his body from the warm proximity of her.

Only it’s different from when he’s hugged her before, it’s different because he knows what it’s like to sleep in her lap, to feel her fingers in his long ebony hair.

He knows. And he can’t forget.

He isn’t sure which one of them swallows loudly, whether it’s him or her he can’t know for certain, all he knows is that there’s a tension in the air he can’t ignore.

Though he tries and ignores it as he pulls away with 10 small plates in his hands.

His body is still near when she turns around with forks and spoons in her hands, a small blush mirrors on her cheeks.

He doesn’t know what’s going on. Or how long they stand there staring. Only that he’s a little dizzy and she smells really good. She always smells good; like lavender, gardenias and sweet vanilla.

Then she’s placing napkins and the cutlery on the dishes in his hands and ripping him from his reverie as she takes the desserts into the dining room and he blindly follows.

The atmosphere is normal and his lungs expand and contract normally again when he reunites with the rest, plates and utensils in hands.

Alis cuts Nesta the biggest slice of chocolate cake.

“Hey! That’s no fair.” He argues with a pout that does no favors to him this time around.

Nesta only smirks in response, taking a bite of chocolate cake as he glares daggers her way, while Alis only shakes her head at them both.

“Why is no one else complaining over this blasphemy?”

“This isn’t a democracy, Cass.” Feyre answers with her own devilish smile and chocolate frosting on the corners of her lips.

“It’s just the way of the world.”

Loud and quiet laughter ensues, echoing through the room.

Aurora and Alis stay in the dining room sipping wine and chatting while the rest of them help clean up, mostly Nesta, Elain and Azriel help clean up while Feyre and Mor toss cranberries into each other’s mouths and Rhys and Cassian wrestle in the middle of the kitchen over something Cassian said.

Amren sat on the island telling Nesta another wicked story as the girl was the only one to listen attentively with a gleam in her grey blue eyes.

When the cleaning is over they all find themselves in the living room by the colorfully decorated lit tree and warm hearth tipsy on eggnog.

When they go into the TV room to watch a Christmas movie the exuberant energy from the night begins to die down along with the night.

Feyre falls asleep on Elain and Nesta’s lap on the couch, the small 14 year old finally crashing from excitedly jumping up and down and dancing to Christmas songs sung horribly by Mor and Rhys.

Amren already left to go see her boyfriend Varian of course.

Mor and Rhys are drunk while Azriel shakes his head exasperatedly at them nodding off together in slurs and barely completed sentences as they try to watch Love, Actually.

Cassian gestures to Nesta to leave the room once everyone is finally asleep. They are the only ones who remain awake.

“Come on Archie.” He says as he guides her out of the room quietly before they wake anyone up.

“Shut up.” She snaps at him without the actual bite in her words.

“What, you don’t like it when I call you Archie, Nes?” He grins because he knows the answers but it amuses him when she rolls her eyes and shoves him out the door, almost making his tipsy self fall face first into the ground..

Cassian tries to laugh quietly not rouse the other from sleep while Nesta tries to stifle her giggles with her hand.

“Oh you’re to pay for that.” He warns and shoots her a devious look.

Nesta’s eyes widen in amusement as she hears the threat loud and clear dodging his hands when he pounces towards her lithe frame.

A chase begins until Cassian catched Nesta by the waist pinning her into the doorway of another far away room in the house.

His fingers attack her waist, she tries miserably to escape his hold, writhing in his arms, trapped between him and the doorway.

Her laughter is a melody in his ear and he keeps replaying the tune with his fingers.

Unfortunately her laughter grows quiet, he pulls away nearly as breathless as she is as he notices her gaze caught on something above them.

Nesta’s mouth is parted slightly open, cheeks beginning to color with blush pink, her grey blue eyes sparkle with an unidentified emotion, her chest heaves up and down brushing against his with every breath– that is how close they are.

He followed her gaze to meet with what raptured her attention only to find mistletoe hanging above them on the doorway.

A wrack of nerves punch him, sending a thrill down his body to where Cassian’s hands still rest on her small waist, still lightly holding her against the surface.

It feels like an eternity before he looks back down at her. Her cheeks are now tinted red, she looks lovely and nervous and it stops his heart for just a second.

He glances down at her lips for a second too long, catching her in the act doing the same.

“Mistletoe, sweetheart.” He whispers leaning in closer.

The words in his eyes are framed as a question of sorts, for permission.

It’s the slightest of nods, if he wasn’t so close, if he hadn’t known Nesta the way he did, he wouldn’t have caught it let alone understood the look in her eyes.

As he leaned down their breaths mingled together, their breaths smaller with every inhale, she was quite literally taking his breath away.

With one hand still resting on her waist sliding to rest on her back, the other gliding up to cradle her cheek gently.

He is careful with her unlike any other girl he’s been with, she’s fire in his hands and he caresses the flames.

It takes a soft brush of their lips against each other and feels magnetized.

Cassian finally pressed his lips gently to hers, they were much softer than he had surreptitiously imagined.

He deepens the kiss after a moment, the hand on her back pulls her closer to his chest, the other rough hand dives into her silky curls, angling her head for better access to her soft, beautiful mouth.

Cassian feels Nesta’s hand grasp his shirt into her fists, it urges him on, his lips moving more reverently and passionately against hers and Nesta follows each motion with the delicate caresses of her lips.

He traces her bottom lip with his tongue taking her small gasp as an opportunity to finally taste her.

Their lips move slowly together, against each other’s mouth in languorous ministrations.

Their bodies are pressed closely together. She can feel all the lines of him and he can feel her.

Nesta’s tastes sweet; rich and smooth like chocolate and their tongues danced softly together to a song only they knew, each movement molded into its own set of beautiful melodies.

When he pulls away he watches slowly as her eyelashes flutter open, her lips are gorgeous and swollen, her eyes are glazed and hazy as probably his are as well.

They breathe heavily, he stays near, their noses brushing softly against each other as the moment settles.

He’s not quite sure what to say.

All he knows is that something in that moment had changed between them, something neither of them were ready for.

It feels like a dream but the fire burning through his body to his tingling lips of where her own had just been remind him just how real the moment was.

It isn’t until Nesta scurries off out of his embrace with delicate fingers touching her kissed lips that he realizes he had just taken his best friend’s first kiss.

Chapter Text

5 years ago…

"I got in!"

She was in his arms in a matter of seconds, he was wrapped around her, lifting her off the ground as if she was light as air.

"I did it. I got in!"

She continued her excited chants, her small arms wrapped tightly around his neck, her silky golden brown hair fanning across his face.

They were jumping in the air in a matter of seconds until he put her back down only to change his mind and pulling off her feet again squeezing her in the hug in his strong arms.

It wasn't awkward at all. It hadn't been for a while. Despite what happened last year at Christmas.

They went back to their normal ways. And Cassian was totally fine with it. Totally.

"You got in." His rough voice sounded deeply into her ear. So many hidden, buried emotions within him– feelings he was not much more ready to acknowledge than he was years ago.

"I did it, Cass." She whispered quietly to him, the softness in her tone was only for him to hear and it sent his heart running out of his chest.

He pulled away to look at his best friend, the soft watery smile of her beautiful face.

He was truly honored to be sharing this moment with her.

Cassian cupped her cheek in a way that had become far too normal for them– sometimes, very rare moments between them whenever he visited from university (which was often and not for the grey blue eyed beauty across the street) he would remember what it felt like to brush his lips against hers, to hear the soft noises she made when she was kissed, it was nearly impossible to forget.

Not for Nesta, though.

But he had stupidly taken Nesta's very first kiss and was too much of a coward to bring it up later, to talk to her about it, and he refused to apologize.

Apologize for the most memorable, best kiss in his stupid little teenage life he would not.

Yet, he still didn't blame Nesta for wanting to forget, for wanting to pretend it didn't happen.

It still didn't stop him from remembering, from reminiscing on the memory of her lips against his, or from imagining her lips in other places when he was alone in his dorm.

Every time he would promise himself again and again to refrain from imagining Nesta that way, that it was wrong even if it felt so right, she was his best friend and he cared about her more than any of that.

She meant more to him than just that.

Other times he would think of Nesta kissing other boys, kissing them the way she kissed him and it filled him with such an adulterated rage that it consumed him with a fury of flames.

He absolutely despised it.

Another motive for him visiting so frequently with his brothers, to keep an eye on the guys that made their moves on Nesta.

On one of the weekends she went out with Tarquin Summers, basically a date even if they were just friends and even if Varian, Amren and Cresseida were there.

He ended up ripping one of his pillows.

Then there was when she went on her first date a few months ago.

He broke his dorm room door off its hinges for slamming too hard in a hazy rage of finding out about this supposed asshole taking Nesta out.

Not even that he found out from Mor and Amren. From goddamn Mor and Amren.

When he confronted Nesta about it, it ended up in one of their bigger arguments–he would say something less than stupid and Nesta would end up angry, cold and hurt and radio silence came over them, participated by both parties no matter how much Cassian regretted it and wanted to reach out.

So he didn’t talk to her for the rest of that week.

No late night phone calls, no check ins, no sending her memes, no Nesta’s melodic voice singing in his ears when they spoke till the strange hours in the night.

Longest week of his life.

This time however, he wanted especially to be as far away from Velaris as possible whenever that supposed date was going to happen.

Cassian told himself his jealous angry feelings were him being protective of his best friend and nothing else.

Nothing more was going on, other than Cassian watching out for Nesta. Of course.

Excuse after excuse. He had a justification for every feeling coursing through his body when it came to Nesta Archeron.

Many times Cassian wished he had driven to Velaris immediately after hearing the news, he wished he had been there quicker.

Nesta's first date ended in a phone call to Cassian, begging for him, pleading, sobs and tears leaving the speakers of his phone.

Cassian had never driven to Velaris any faster. Speeding through the streets like is life had depended on it.

Cassian had cataloged the way his best friend looked on the side of the abandoned street in horror.

He had urged her to go to the hospital but she denied him instead he was the one to patch her up with her a flimsy first aid kit he carried at all times in his car per Nesta’s request given how often he wounded himself.

So he did his best to heal her wounds.

In more ways than one.

It was yet another thing that was left pretty much unspoken, but Cassian was the one to drive her to every therapy session once every month and he was happy to do it.

He was the one to hold her when she cried and he was one to hear her when she was ready to talk about it.

He made sure to be there.

He was always there for her.

He always would be.

And the only reason Tomas fucking Mandray wasn't dead buried eight feet deep was because of her, because of Nesta and her far too big heart.

Looking down at her now with too many unspoken feelings and emotions, not ready to be acknowledged, he knew deep deep down.

"Of course you did it, sweetheart." He smiled softly at her, making her eyes sparkle.

“I can’t believe I got in.” She confessed to him quietly, a small electric smile dancing on her lips he could feel the currents rushing through him with a loud and bright pulse.

“I can.” He said it so surely, brushing her cheek softly with his thumb, because he always believed in Nesta, always knew she would achieve great things with or without him by her side.

He obviously preferred to be right by her side while she changed and conquered the world.

“You’re a genius, Nes.”

He’d be lying if he said her answering blush wasn’t fluttering butterflies in his stomach and his heart beating just a tad bit faster.

He’d also be lying if he said he ignored his physical responses to having Nesta near always trying to equate it to the feeling when Rhys brings his clothes he knows Cassian would like randomly, when Azriel opts for speaking instead of silence because he knows Cassian doesn’t always like to be the loud, or when Mor buys him a cookie and brings it to his dorm room when he’s had a long day or a rough practice knowing full well he was bad at indulgence rarely ever spoiling himself because he spent most of his time spoiling everyone else around him.

So when she listened to his words with keen interest instead of laughing at his crazy rambles like most people because he wanted to be taken seriously sometimes instead .

When she brought brownies every time she visited them at university and wore that sparkle in those beautiful unnerving eyes like she too was reminiscing of that day he went over to her house with her sisters and ate brownies with them, beginning their profound friendship.

When she bought him a book she thought she might like or she thought of him when reading a particular scene. Most times the character was doing something stupid on very special occasians they were doing something kind, selfless and thoughtful.

It was Nesta’s beautiful way of telling others what she thought of them without pouring her heart into words that she always assumed would hurt her later.

So yeah, the way Nesta made him feel sometimes was the same way his family made him feel.

It was the only way he could cope with the explosions bursting in his chest, the dizziness in his head, the irregular beat of his heart, the way it skipped and ran out of his chest.

“Shut up.” She mumbled tilting her head down to hide her obvious blush.

“No.” He smirked, lifting her chin to meet his earnest eyes again. “You’re brilliant Nesta, don’t you ever forget it.”

“I have you for that. You would never let me forget. I wouldn’t have done it if it weren’t for you. So thank you, Cass.” Nesta smiled at him, watery and beautiful; it made songs and poems want to flow out of his mouth, all praising her brains and beauty.

You’ll always have me, You did it all your own, You deserve the world were the words wishing to slip from his tongue. But instead he said, “Of course sweetheart, you don’t ever have to thank me.”

He stared deeply into her eyes doing everything to avoid glimpsing at her full lips spread into a smile that was mirrored on his face.

He was going to be near his best friend for the next three years of their college lives.

Nesta had applied for Velaris’ most prestigious institution for technology and science, Velaris Institute of Technology with one of the lowest acceptance rates in all of Prythian universities.

Also located a mere 5 minutes away from Cassian, Rhysand, Mor, and Azriels university, to Cassian’s sheer luck and pleasure.

Now Cassian would even get the honor to be near Nesta during her university years and that was the best gift the universe had given him since that Christmas evening last year.

Next thing he knew Feyre and Elain were jumping on top of Nesta and him breaking him from whatever purified moment he was sharing with Nesta.

“You told him the good news!” Elain exclaimed, holding tightly to her sister and Cassian, surprising Cassian with how much strength the young girl had with her firm squeeze.

“Full ride to VIT! Whoop!” Feyre sang.

They all laughed, embraced in each others arms, Cassian managed to pick them all up and spin all three girls around earning him a giggling reprimand and high pitched squeals.

“Put us down you brute!”

He did no such thing.

Soon the rest of his favorite people joined in their embrace, with so much love radiating around them he couldn't imagine being without any of them.

On Nesta's graduation, Cassian stood loud and proud with his arms around Feyre and Elain smiling at his best friend as she gracefully made her way across the stage with a beautiful devious smile on her face.

His face told everyone the honor it was to be close to Nesta Archeron the way he was and how proud they all were of her.

She was going to do amazing things and Cassian would be on her side despite everything else brewing deep in his heart.

Nothing could stop him from being beside her.

Well.

Maybe some things...