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Chapter Text

Niki wasn't sure how it happened, but she and Techno were arguing. It was her fault. She had been picking arguments all day because she was tired and upset and a little buzzed, but she took it too far, and now she fucked it up.

“Niki, what the fuck is up with you today?!” Techno groaned in the middle of the fight, “Why are you being a nit-picky asshole?”

“Oh, you're calling me an asshole?” She let out a bitter laugh, “You?! Techno, you are one of the most apathetic, rude, dismissive people I have ever met!” That wasn't quite true. Sure, he could definitely be rude and dismissive of her problems, but it was only because she didn't actually vocalize them. She knew that.

“Prime, Niki, what are you on about?” Techno sighed, “Look, maybe we should both cool down instead of doing something destructive an-”

“Like blowing up a nation,” She hissed, regretting the words the second they came out. Techno froze, his eyes widening, guilt and pain flashing in his eyes before he glared at her. Her already high anxiety definitely just went through the roof.

She fucked up. He hated her. He was going to leave her, he- he was going to hurt her. And she... She deserved it. She deserved it. Why did she always fuck up her relationships with her petty issues? Why hasn't she learned how to shut up?

“Okay, now isn't fair,” Techno spat, “That really isn't fair! You burned down the L’mantree an-” He raised his arm, looking back, it was probably just to emphasize a point, but at the moment, all Niki could think was, ‘Oh, Prime, he's gonna kill me.’

“Please don't!” She yelped, flinching and raising her arms to block her face.

“What?” Techno paused before reaching forward, “Niki, wha-” That only increased her panic.

“I'm sorry, please don-” Her breath started quickening, “Please don't hurt me, I didn't mean it-”

“Niki, I'm not-” Techno began, going to grab her shoulder. It was probably to comfort her, but Niki was already spiraling at this point.

“No, no, no, I'm sorry!” She stumbled back, falling to the ground and scrambling back until she hit the wall, “Tech, I didn't mean it, pl- please don't!”

“I'm not gonna do anything, okay?” He stepped back, awkwardly looking down at her, “Um, sh-should I get Phil? Or- or Ranboo?” He probably- No, he definitely meant for help dealing with her mental breakdown, because how was he supposed to know what to do? But, for some reason, probably trauma, Niki thought Techno was going to get them to help punish her for snapping.

“No, it's okay!” She looked up at him, “It- It's okay! I won't do it again, you do- Techno, you don't need them! Pleas- Please, do-”

“Niki, breathe!” He stepped forward, and all she could see was that goat-hybrid fucker in a suit, stalking towards her with a sick smile and a knife in his hand and she desperately pulled at the chain keeping her down.

“Do- Tech, I'm so sorry,” She sobbed, “I won't do it again. I'll- I can just shut up, okay?”

“I'm not going hurt you!” Techno crouched, reaching out to her, “I- I'm no-” Fuck. There was no stopping it now.

“Okay...” She looked down as tentatively hugged her. The touch- any touch mid-panic attack like she was, felt like it was burning her skin. But she didn't want to fuck up again, “Okay, Tech.”

“It's alright, Niki,” He whispered.

“Just- please...” She swallowed, wondering if she was even allowed to make this request, “Don't make it hurt too much, okay...?”

“No-” Techno pulled away and looked at her, “Niki. Look at me, look me in the eye. Okay?”

“Okay,” Niki took a deep breath, half expecting a slap or punch after it.

“I am not going to hurt you,” He told her, “Phil isn't going to hurt you. Ranboo isn't going to hurt you. Okay? Repeat that.”

“Y... You're not going to hurt me?” She blinked, before she half-processed everything and realized how... How ridiculous she was being, “You're not going to hurt me.”

“Hell, no,” He shook his head, “And who else isn't going to hurt you.”

“Phil and... Phil and Ranboo aren't going to hurt me,” She mumbled, her face now red with embarrassment, “Fuck, Techno, I'm sorry for- for flipping out.”

“It's okay,” He sighed and kinda slumped down, “But... Niki, we need to talk.”

“I would rather we didn't,” Niki weakly joked, but Techno's serious gaze didn't change.

“Obviously, I'm not mad, but I don't know what the fuck that was,” Techno looked at her, “You just kinda... Freaked out. Why did you think I would hurt you? Have I been doing something that makes you t-”

“No, no, no,” She assured with a sigh, “I... You- it isn't about you. It's- I usually get- okay, people on this server usually get hit for speaking out, I guess it's... Gotten to me.” There was more to it than that, but she definitely wasn't getting into it all right now.

“Okay... Niki, we have to talk to the others about this,” He cut her off when she tried to protest, “That extreme of a reaction tells me you definitely need to talk to someone and you need help. We aren't the best option for that, but we will do our best to make you feel better. Only if you actually talk to us.”

“...okay, sure,” She sighed as Techno stood up and then helped her up, “Alright.”

“I'm sure they'll be home soon,” Techno gave a small smile, “How about some water? And a snack?”

“I'm not really hungry, but I'll take some water,” She returned the smile the best she could.

The two sat for a few hours, it was very awkward for the first ten minutes, but they eventually into a comfortable conversation. Then, the other two came home and Niki wanted to curl up and die again.

“Hey, guys!” Ranboo waved as he and Phil walked in, “Anything happened.”

“Um...” Niki glanced at Techno, “Actually, we... Need to talk.”

“About?” Phil sat down on the couch, putting Niki in between Techno and Phil. Ranboo perched on an armchair by them.

“Do we have to?” Niki mumbled, really not wanting to do this.

“Yes,” Techno sighed, “So... Niki and I got into a bit of an argument and... Niki reacted very badly.”

“Prime...” Niki mumbled burying her face in her hands, “I wasn't... That bad.”

“Niki, come on, you had a panic attack,” Techno reminded her.

“You raised your arm!” Niki protested, “How am I supposed to react?”

“Not to hit you, to emphasize the point,” Techno huffed, “And the fact you thought I was going to hit you so much you had a whole panic attack is a problem.”

“Wait, Niki, you thought Techno was gonna hit you?” Phil blinked, “Over a little argument?”

“It isn't about Techno, it's because this server is violent and aggressive and it isn't that big of a deal,” She stood up and turned to face the three of them, “And I've been a little on edge all day because I'm kinda tired, I wouldn't normally flip out like that.”

“Niki, I still think this is worth discussing-” Ranboo began, but Niki was then out the door.

“For Prime's fucking sake...” She muttered to herself, “Dumbass. You thought Techno would hit you? Really?”

She decided to go back to her city.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Niki had been quiet since then. It'd been a week, she... She was quiet.

Sure, she had been really withdrawn lately, especially after... Wilbur came that. That happened after the argument with Techno, a few days after. She barely talked now. She also refused to come by if Wilbur was gonna be there. 

Ranboo was neutral on him. He... Believed he could change, but, Prime, did he frustrate Ranboo. Ranboo once asked him if he wanted to talk to Niki or Fundy.

“Oh, I don't think so,” Wilbur shrugged, “They've moved on from me, haven't they? I don't need to upset them or anything.”

Ranboo just nodded, but it upset him. They hadn't moved on. No one had. Wilbur's death... Hurt so many people. His actions. And he wasn't actually apologizing to two of the people he hurt most.

But that wasn't the point. The point was Niki. One day, Ranboo decided to... Push it a little too far, he supposed. When it was just him and Niki, he decided to pressure her. Just a little. He didn't mean to upset her, he was just worried and he wanted to- he wanted to help her!

“Niki, are you okay?” He asked as the two walked back to her city, Ranboo having claimed he had some supplies around there to collect, “You've seemed... Quiet, lately.”

“Oh, I'm fine,” She shrugged, but he knew that was a lie. Even outside of her new attitude, she looked tired and she was almost concerningly skinny at this point. “Just a little stressed lately.”

“About?” He softly questioned, knowing one wrong phase could make her fun. 

“You know, life on this server,” She hummed, looking forward, “Whatever the fuck that Egg thing is. Apparently Sam is... Off, and he's the one in charge of Dream, so that's concerning.”

“And Wilbur being back...?” Ranboo murmured, anxiety shooting through him as Niki stopped walking. It was silent for a few seconds and Ranboo knew he messed up.

“I think I can walk the rest of the way by myself, Ranboo.” She whispered, looking back at him. He swallowed and stepped back. Something about her eyes, they seemed... They seemed almost grey. Angry. Sad. Lost. Broken. Confused. There were so many emotions in that single look, it overwhelmed him.

“Oh, uh-” Ranboo blinked and reached forward, “Are you sure, ca-?”

“I'm sure, Ranboo.” She spun around, now glaring at the enderboy, “I don't need to be interrogated.”

“Niki, I wasn't-” He began, but she turned around and walked away. She wasn't even running, he could've easily run up to her and tried to talk again. But he didn't.

He didn't realize how much he would regret that.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
When Niki got home, after Ranboo tried to... She didn't even know what he was trying to do, she took her communicator off and set it down. She didn't care about it. She didn't need it. No one messaged her, anyway.

No one really cared about her. Not really. She thought the Syndicate did. They didn't. Not more than fucking Wilbur Soot. They loved him. And she hated him.

So, she was alone. Again. Alone, alone, alone.

“For Prime's sake,” She didn't realize she was crying as she walked through her city, “For- for fuck's sake!”

No one cared. No one, no one, no one.

“I- I'm so-” She fell to her knees, struggling to breathe, “So stu- stupid! I can- I can't-”

Just breathe, just breathe, just breathe.

“I tho- I thought I would be hap- happy,” She choked out, “How fu- fucking stupid?!”

She felt like an idiot. Here she was, having a breakdown, all alone. Like before. Like always, actually. She's always been alone. Hasn't she? Fuck.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Niki didn't know how long it had been. She didn't care. She had killed herself quite a few times, though. Hadn't eaten in so long. She didn't want to die too much, so she slept a lot. Sometimes, she just curled up until the pain subsided.

She didn't want it to be suspicious, so she let herself die in other ways.

“Sh- shit!” She coughed as the zombie hit her to the ground. She forgot how much these things hurt with no armor, “Hurry u-” It was then the stupid bit her neck and she died.

[Nihachu was slain by a zombie]

When she sat up in bed, she was hyperventilating and sobbing. It took her forever to calm down. Okay. Not dying like that again.

The next time, she decided a skeleton with be less painful, assuming she made it easy to hit her.

So, she stood in front of one, watching as it pulled its bow back, aiming it, then-

[Nihachu was slain by a skeleton]

After that, she didn't care if everyone knew how she was dying. Or why. What were they gonna do? Check on her. Of course, not.

So, she decided to go to her littlep pool. It wasn't super deep, but she still stepped in it, walking for a bit before letting herself sink down. She immediately took a deep breath, letting fill her lungs as it surrounded her.

[Nihachu drowned]

Then, she stepped into a cave with gravel ceilings. She took a deep breath and punched the wall. The gravel immediately surrounding her, she couldn't breathe, it was so heavy, fuck-

[Nihachu suffocated]

She then became curious how many times she could die in a row with no one caring. Or checking up on her. 

So, she stared at the lava for a bit before stepping in.

Pain. That's all she could think. Pain. Why did this hurt so much worse than anything else. It was inside her, burning her, she was dying-

[Nihachu tried to swim in lava]

Niki decided not to do that again. She was tired now, anyway. Not that she would sleep. She just laid in bed, staring up at the ceiling. After Prime knows how long, she heard an annoyingly familiar voice.

“Niki?” They called, “Niki Nihachu. Uh, the others are worried. You've died a lot. Are you... Okay?”

“For Prime's fucking sake...” She hissed to herself. Of everyone, why was he here?

“Hey, Niki?” The voice continued, “You're still here right? These are the coords I was given!” It was getting closer. He was getting closer. Prime fucking dammit. She didn't want to see him.

“Niki, I'm... Um... I'm sorry,” He mumbled, he was right outside, he would be here any second, “It's been a while, hasn't it? I, uh- Oh-”

Niki groaned as she saw him turn the corner, looking into the room. She was surprised. He looked so... He looked... Weird.

“Hey, Wil,” She mumbled, “Why are you... In your yellow sweater? I thought Techno said you had a trenchcoat again?”

“A trenchcoat?” Wil laughed, it was garbled and awkward, and, oh fuck, she was hallucinating again, wasn't she? “When have I worn that, Nihachu?”

“Fuck off,” She huffed.

But he didn't.

And part of her didn't want him to.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Wilbur was... Concerned, to say the least. Niki was dying a lot since she just stopped talking to the others.

She didn't reply to any of their messages, either. Even Wilbur tried, per Phil's request.

It was after that he decided to go visit her. Ranboo hesitantly gave him the coords, saying to be careful and nice to her. He agreed, saying he would apologize.

And he would. He was planning on it, anyway. But, then again, Niki was... She wasn't particularly... She wasn't anything special, to put it bluntly. Besides, she made a whole city without him. She was fine.

But he was here, wandering around in her city. It was... Surprisingly impressive. Well made. Beautiful. Maybe it would be like L’manburg. Wouldn't that be something?

“Niki!” He called as he saw the girl, walking. She stiffened, but didn't turn, “Hey, Niki! Phil and the others are wor-”

“Shut. Up,” She hissed, turning around. She pulled a cigarette out of her mouth and Wil was thrown off by her general demeanor and appearance. She was... Scrawny. She hadn't been eating, you could tell by her face. Her sweater was dirty and there were some patches of different cloth lazily woven in. She was covered in bruises and scrapes, her hair was messy and greasy. Her skin was pale white, with no color in her cheeks. Her eyes were sunken and looked empty.

“What the fuck happened to you?” He asked, still taken aback.

“Wil, can you just-” She groaned, “I already know you're a hallucination, like usual, can't we just skip this shit and-”

“I'm not a hallucination!” He protested, walking forward, “Look!” He grabbed her hand, “Could a hallucination do that? Why would you think I'm a hallucination?”

“...fuck,” She pushed him away, “Go fuck yourself, Wilbur.”

“What happened to ‘Wil’?” He whined, a sick satisfaction from the way she bristled.

“Can you please just tell the others I'm fine and leave?” She huffed, stepping back, “Just get this over with.”

“Why aren't you talking to them, anyway?” He asked, “I mean, you four are all buddy-buddy in your anarchist group. Why aren't you talking to them?”

“Because they're overdramatic and think I'm not okay when I am!” She stamped her foot on the ground, “And I get freaked out in one argument because I think Techno might hit me, and I wouldn't even blame him if he did, that's how this server works, that's how it works, an-”

“Why did you think Techno would hit you in an argument?” Wilbur blinked. Why did Niki think anyone would hit her? Then, he remembered how... How she would ask him not to get high or drunk around him anymore because he was ‘mean to her’. He tried, for the most part, only doing it ever so often. And it wasn't like Schlatt was the nicest. That was how it worked on this server, wasn't it? You speak out or disagree, you get a violent response.

“Not Techno specifically, but anyone!” She seemed exasperated, as if she was trying to justify the mentality not only to Wilbur, but to herself. He could... Use that. “I firmly believe that if I say something shitty to someone, they should be able to hit me! It was my fault for being shitty, wasn't it?”

“No, no, I get it,” He nodded, and he wasn't lying. That was a mentality he could understand. And a mentality he could use, “But wouldn't it be like that for everyone? Not just you?”

“Well... Not Tubbo, Tommy, or Ranboo, they're kids,” She mumbled, “Or Techno or Phil, I would feel weird hitting them. Definitely not Puffy or Jack, I... I love them.”

“Would you be okay with them hitting you?” Wilbur implored.

“Sure, if I said something they felt deserved it,” She shrugged, before stiffening, “You better not tell the others I said this, or-”

“I won't, Niki, I promise,” He smiled, “Listen... I'm sorry. For how L’manburg went down. That must've hurt, huh...?”

“Yeah, well...” She paused before breaking down, falling to her knees and sobbing, “F-Fuck you, Wilbur! You left me!”

“Hey, it's not my fault!” He argued, “Not complete my fault, after all. You abandoned me. During Schlatt's reign. Why didn't you follow me?”

“I...” She blinked and looked up at him, “I don't know, I-”

“Why didn't you stop me?” He looked down at her, gaze sharp, “You saw the TNT, Niki, I know you did. I saw you pushing stone into a hole. You knew I was going to blow it all up. Why didn't you stop me?”

“I didn't think you would actually do it,” She sobbed, shaking and hyperventilating at this point, “I didn't t-think-”

“It's okay, Niki,” Wilbur crouched down and tilted her head up, “We both hurt each other, didn't we? Let's just move on. Together.”

She then tackled her with a hug, “O-okay! I'm sor- so sorry!”

“I know, I know,” For a second, he really did feel bad. He really wanted to rekindle their relationship. But he had another goal.

One above everything else.

“Hey, Niki?” Wilbur looked at her.

“Hmm?” She pulled away and blinked at him.

“What do you think about Dream?”

Chapter Text

Niki pulled away and stood up, “Dream? What- he hurts everyone on this server and deserves to rot in there!” At Wilbur's disappointed look as he stood up as well, she added, “...right?”

“He saved me, Niki,” Wilbur explained,  “Listen, it wasn't his fault! He only ever wanted to help people on the server! He didn't do it the best, but... But if he got another chance, I believe he'll help us. Haven't you had any good times with him?”

Niki thought about that. He... He had been kind to her, once upon a time. And they shared a common goal at some point, a goal against Tommy. Maybe... Wilbur knew him better than her, maybe he knew better?

No, this was Wilbur. They were both shitty people. Were they? She hated Wilbur, she was sure she did, but now, he was standing in front of her, a kind and thoughtful look on her face.

“How about you visit him in prison?” Wilbur suggested, “Then, you can talk to him and come up with a conclusion on your own!”

“Okay...” She mumbled, “I can do that.”

“There we go!” Wilbur grinned patted her on the back, “You should get cleaned up beforehand as well. I'll tell the others you're doing okay.”

“Alright, um... Thanks, Wil,” She smiled at him. He returned it before leaving.

She thought about that for the rest of the day.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Dream was surprised when Sam told him he had a visitor that wasn't Quackity. He was even more surprised when a girl with pink hair walked in.

“Niki Nihachu!” He laughed, “Why are you here?”

“Um... Wilbur told me to talk to you,” She mumbled, and Dream sat up. “He said you weren't... That bad of a guy. So, tell me.”

“Tell you?” Dream tilted his head, “Tell you what, Niki?”

“Tell me why you aren't that bad of a person,” Niki glared down at him, but Dream could tell she seemed uncertain, “Tell me why everything bad you've done and everyone you've hears isn't actually that big of a deal. I'm listening.”

“Niki, you have to understand, I never really meant to hurt anyone,” Play the sympathy card. Make her feel horrible. You can do this, Dream, your life depends on it. “I got caught up in it all. But I didn't mean to hurt anyone. I'll do better when I get out, I promise. Just help me.”

“How can I be sure?” Niki sighed, “I want to help you, I want to understand, I want to form my own fucking opinion instead of leaning on Wilbur Soot, but I can't!” Her voice was breaking now.

“Hey, it's okay if you don't let me out,” Dream gave a small smile, “No one really likes me. I get it. Really, I do. And I'm sorry. No one sticks with me, and they shouldn't. I'm a horrible person.”

“I... I don't-” Niki shook her head, “I'm sorry, Dream, but I don't think people are wrong to leave you, you hurt people.”

“I know, and I agree,” He nodded, “I don't deserve anyone. I deserve everything bad that's happening to me. Like the torture.”

“Torture?” She blinked at him, “Yeah, wait, why are you so injured?”

“Quackity pays me a lot of visits, Niki,” Dream explained, forcing a sad look on his face, “They aren't pleasant. He hurts me for no real reason... Well, I guess everything I did is reason enough. Everything always hurts, but I deserve that.”

“You don't deserve that!” Niki protested, and it took everything not to grin as relief flowed through him. He got her. “No one deserves that, no matter how bad you might be. Or you might've been...”

“Are you willing to give me another chance, Niki?” He asked.

“M...maybe,” She mumbled, “I need to think on it, okay?”

“Of course!” He grinned, “Anything you need!”

“Okay...” Niki took a deep breath, “I think... I need to go now. I'll be back tomorrow, I suppose...”

“I hope you are!” He nodded, “I'll understand if you aren't, though. I hope you decide to give me another chance.”

“Alright, Dream,” Niki nodded. She turned and walked away from the platform, talking to Sam about something.

He was going to escape soon, wasn't he?
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Niki didn't know what to think. She was sitting in her bed, tired and confused and kinda sore. What was she doing again?

Oh, Dream. Did she trust him? Wilbur obviously did. He seemed kinda nice in there. But what about everything else he did? He hurt people. He killed people.

But no one else was there for her. She had Wilbur and maybe Dream if she wanted him. That wasn't a great list of people to have, was it?

This is how it went for a solid week. The only people she talked to were Dream and Wilbur. That's it. Niki wasn't completely unreasonable, some part of her knew that this was a bad situation. Going between two manipulators? Dream and Wilbur fucking Soot being the only people you talk to? That wasn't healthy.

After a week, she made a decision. At the time, she wasn't sure if it was a good one. But she felt like it was the only real choice she had. What else was she supposed to be? Just be alone? Forever? She couldn't do that. She wouldn't survive like that much longer...

So, when she found Wilbur standing in her room when she came back from a long talk with Dream, she knew her answer. She knew what he wanted.

“Hey, Nihachu,” He gave that smile he also had. The one that pissed her off and made her feel inferior, made her feel like she didn't know anything, made her doubt everything, made her want to just blindlessly follow him. “Have you made a decision yet?”

“I think I have...” Niki took a deep breath. She could back out. She could run to her Communicator and tell someone what was happening. Or she could simply say no. He couldn't force her into it, could he? No. She could back out. She should back out.

“Are you gonna tell me what it is?” Niki blinked and looked at him. You have to answer now.

“I'm... I'm going to help you break Dream out of prison.”

Wilbur grinned. It was almost genuine, but she could see the twisted, delirious, pure delight under it. Maybe, in a different situation, different context, she could see that smile as genuine and smile with him, but not now. Now it just scared her.

“Oh, that's great, Niki!” He ran forward and grabbed her hand, “Let me tell you the plan.”