Archive of Our Own ^beta

The ceiling was too low.

The lights were too bright.  Too loud.

Buzz.  Buzz.  Buzz.

They flickered.

Kaminari’s hands pressed against the ceramic sink.  He was shaking.  His grip on the sink tightened.  His hands were numb, the slight sensation of tingling crept up his arms.

His head swam.  Dots danced in his vision.  His throat tightened.  He couldn’t talk, couldn’t breathe.  

Was his face getting closer to the mirror or was he imagining it?

Kaminari’s reflection stared back at him.  The trembling, pale figure looked like it was glaring.

Even his own reflection hated him.

His mouth was dry.  He tried to swallow, the air burned going down his throat.  Air!  He needed air!  The only breaths he could take were shallow and slow ones.  

His heart rate was exhilarated, he could feel its beat and pulse in his heart.  

He knew the signs, he had experienced this before.  He had even gone to a therapist at one point.

Kaminari hated panic attacks.

How do I stop them again?  Do I just wait it out?  He tried to wrack his brain to find the answer but none presented itself.  

Waiting seems good enough.  The words flashed in his mind, causing another stutter of his breath.  He had heard those words before.  Many times in fact.  He was only good enough, sometimes less.

Breathing control.   You need to get your breathing under control Kaminari.  He thought and tried to focus on slowing his heart rate.

The ground grew closer.

His grip on the skin loosened and he fell to the floor.

His vision swayed.

He heard the distant thump of something hit the floor.  Opening his eyes, Kaminari could see that it was, in fact, he who had hit the floor.

The sound of footsteps followed soon after.  

“Kaminari?” the voice sounded so far away.  Like he was underwater.

“Kaminari are you ok?” 

Did he look ok?  He didn’t know.  There was no mirror on the ground.

“Oh shit,” the voice muttered quietly, he had to strain his ears to hear it.

“Kaminari, breathe with me.” the voice said.  It sounded like someone he knew, but it was too muffled to make out who.  His vision still hadn’t straightened up yet.

“Can I touch you?” the voice asked.  Kaminari needed help, he recognized that.  So, as well as he could, he tried to speak.

No words came out.

He nodded when that didn’t work.

The person carefully grabbed his hand, and paced it over what Kaminari could feel was a chest.  A heartbeat could be felt under his palms.  He could feel the chest of the person rising and falling.

“Do you think you could match your breathing with mine?” the person questioned.  Kaminari tried his best to match the person’s breathing pattern.

A deep breath.

Another deep breath.

“You’re doing great.  Kaminari.”

His vision slowly stopped spinning.

He could make out the fluffy, purple hair of Shinsou Hitoshi.

His pulse slowed down, and his body stopped tingling.  It stopped shaking too.

His head hurt.  He needed water.

“Good, good job Kaminari,” Shinsou said in a quiet voice.  Probably to not scare the boy.

“Do you think you can stand?”

“Maybe?  I’ll try.”  His voice was shaking.  Cracked and sharp, it scratched his throat.

He held Shinsou’s arm for support to get up, the taller boy helping him to his feet.

“Do you need anything?” Shinsou asked the blonde.

“Could I get water?” Kaminari said in barely more than a whisper.

“Yeah, of course.  Do you have your water bottle?”

“Bag.” 

The two made their way over to the lockers and Kaminari stumbled over to his bag.  He took his water bottle out and took a few sips.

“Are you feeling any better?” Kaminari nodded tentatively.  

“Thank you, Shinsou.  You really are a hero.” Kaminari tried for a smile.  It felt strained, and it was strained but the words he said were genuine.  Shinsou did really help.

Shinsou nodded, his face a bit red.  “Is there anything else I can do for you?  I can take you to Recovery Girl if you want.  You can lay in one of the beds and sleep?

“Will you leave me there?” Kaminari wondered out loud and Shinsou shook his head.

“Not if you don’t want me to.”

“I don’t.  Please don’t leave me.” 

“Ok, I won’t.”