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“Oh, I’ve got it. The first time my powers kicked in, i killed my boyfriend. In the middle of our homecoming dance.”
“I don’t have powers but Monica already injects me with stuff all the time so it’s probably not gonna be too far off.”
“Yikes, that is a good one,” Kate took a drink of coffee.
“Are we just ignoring the fact that I am literally a child assassin clone who hasn’t even hit two years old yet?”
“Uh, what are you talking about?” Because he’d just stepped in the lounge fifteen seconds ago and was already trying to sort through what the heck he’d just heard. The three Carmillas glanced over at him. So did the singular Kate Bishop. In AIM’s efforts to experiment with the cosmic cube the Carmilla Blacks—or, well, one other Carmilla Black and one Carmilla Rappaccini—had been forcefully yanked from their respective universes. Naturally, the Carmilla of their universe wanted to speak with her alternates. Steve had been surprised how fine she seemed to be with the whole situation before remembering their Carm was a clone. Speaking with other people that had your face and voice was probably completely normal to her. Kate was supposed to be supervising, and he’d come in to check on how the girls were doing.
“Well, they started out by just comparing notes, but now it appears to be a game of trying to see who’s had the worse life so far.”
Steve blinked. Carmilla? Their Carmilla? Would literally rather jump off a bridge rather than admit she even has feelings, that Carmilla Black?
Was Kate a generally empathetic person who did not, in fact, relish hearing about the suffering of others? Yes, she liked to think of herself as such. But she loved the gossip more, and inter-dimensional gossip was the best kind.
Steve crossed his arms. “That can’t be healthy.”
“Probably not,” Carm shrugged. “But it is fun. Okay, listen to this: I spent the first few hours of my life thinking I was Monica, then entered a fugue state for the next week that, if it had lasted any longer, would have resulted in me being decommissioned and used for spare parts.”
“Monica keeps insisting I call her ‘mom’ even though she only hugs me when she’s either injecting me with something or trying to stealthily give me a spinal tap.” The youngest rolled her eyes.
“Oh boo hoo, mine keeps flipping back and forth between ‘caring mother’ and ‘actual bioterrorist who just uses me for her own ends’ so much that it’s honestly a coin flip if she’ll save my life or try to brain me with a tree branch."
“Please, 'gaslight, gatekeep, girlboss' is practically the Rappaccini family motto at this point.”
“…did you just—“
“Kamala shows me memes, moving on. I have most of Monica’s memories so not only do I have first-hand knowledge of all of the messed up experiments she’s done to people but I also have first hand knowledge of her relationship with Banner. A guy that I have to work with.”
“Wait, you know what the Hulk looks like naked?” Kate asked in a mix of awe and horror.
“Anyone in vicinity when the shorts finally give out has seen the Hulk naked.” Yeah. Not a fun time for anyone involve, especially those who don’t look away fast enough. "But no. I do, however remember them making out and stuff. It’s gross.”
“Yikes,” the greenette winced, “and that’s our dad.”
Steve blinked. “Wait, what?"
“Your dad,” Carm reminded, as if it was a silly question. “I’m a clone and—wait what are you again?” She directed at the youngest of them.
“Monica cloned a male version of herself to inseminate her."
“Right. Basically a clone with extra steps. But seriously, Banner?"
“Well, I mean,” the greenette scratches the back of her head. "I haven’t had a chance to actually do a test or anything…it’s, like, the timing works, my hair’s naturally green and the guy took a nuke to the face and survived so he’s the most likely candidate. Although the fact the two of you are basically clones is making me re-think that…"
“You could just ask him?” Steve felt like he had to say something, if only because he’d already heard enough to have his head spinning. “When you get back, I mean."
The green haired Scorpion scrunched up her face. “Nah, we kind of have this unspoken agreement where we just ignore each other’s existence. Your Banner seems nice enough but I’m not opening up that can of gamma-mutated worms again."
“But if he could be your father—“
“The majority of our interactions involve trying to kill each other so…nah. Probably not a good idea.”
“Oh, I can top it,” the youngest smirked. “Most of the time I talk to my father he asks me to kill him.”
It was at this point Steve gave up trying to remember what he came in here for and walked back out.