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Heroes, Hexes, and Hijinks

Chapter 12: False Sense of What Now?

Notes:

Wow I can't believe it's already been a year since I started this story!

(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)

Chapter Text

In the last couple days, things at the house had more or less returned to normal. Their leads on Warren, Andrew, and Jonathan were nonexistent, most of their hopes now resting on summoning Halfrek or a sudden reappearance of Joan’s white van. 

The nightshade delivery had experienced an unexpected delay, and now wasn’t set to arrive until Thursday, much to Joan’s irritation. Supply chain difficulties due to a rapid Fyarl attack. Who would have thunk it? 

Why did summoning a demon have to be so difficult? Wouldn’t their jobs of spreading evil be so much more efficient if they just came when someone shouted their name? 

Joan huffed and buried her head in her arms on the table next to Tara, who was busy fitting one of her crystals with a metal cage and hook for a necklace. Randy had already gone to work at the Bronze for the night, and Willow had gone with Alex on a snack run. They were dangerously short on chips and other unhealthy munchies.

“Are you sure you still want to go monster hunting tonight?” Tara asked. “You look tired.”

Joan rolled her head towards the blonde witch. “Gee, just what every girl wants to hear.”

Tara winced as she accidentally stabbed her thumb with one of the metal wires. “Sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. It’s just, you and Randy have been out all night the last couple days.”

It was true. They had been out longer than usual the last couple nights, and it was starting to catch up with her. Just a little . She had also taken to doing some sleuthing during the daylight hours, something Randy wasn’t able to assist with, and it meant that her sleep had taken a serious hit.

“It’ll be a short night,” Joan finally conceded. “Rupert said the nightshade should be here tomorrow, and then we can deal with our murdery friends .”

Tara nodded, but before she could respond, the door was thrown open and Rupert and Dawn entered the house, Dawn still wearing her practice gear from volleyball that night. Anya followed in after them carrying a large box in her arms. 

“Hey Tara, hey Joan,” Dawn greeted. She then turned to Joan as she leaned back against the counter, drumming her fingers on the top. “Can I go to Anya’s hex class tonight?”

Joan blinked dumbly up at her. “Huh?”

Dawn rolled her eyes with an exaggerated sigh. “Anya’s hex class. Tonight at the Magic Box. Can I go?”

Well gee, she didn’t have to get snarky about it. It wasn’t Joan’s fault word comprehension was difficult when running on three hours of sleep.

“Uh,” Joan struggled for a response. Since when was Dawn interested in hexes, anyway? Why was Dawn suddenly interested in hexes? “Did you ask Anya?”

“Yeah, she said it was cool.”

Joan raised a questioning brow at Anya. In general, Joan trusted Anya, she did. But she was also hesitant where magic and her sister were concerned. Besides, Anya’s hex classes always seemed more adult-oriented.

“I think it would be good for Dawn to learn about magic,” Anya stated, setting her box aside. “Sometimes, you just need a good curse.” When this attracted some skeptical looks, she added, “For completely safe and innocuous purposes, of course.”

“Anya–”

“Dawn will be fine, Joan,” Rupert said absently. “Anya’s classes are perfectly safe. We’ve developed them for beginner basics, and nothing of any real danger.”

“Well, okay,” Joan said, unable to completely banish the trepidation from her voice. 

Dawn instantly broke into a wide smile and moved to crush her sister in a quick hug. “Thanks Joan!”

Joan was nearly knocked off her stool at the unexpected show of affection, and Dawn pulled back just as quickly, practically bouncing on the balls of her feet in anticipation. Oh yeah, this was definitely a bad idea.

Tara had turned her attention from her charms to the box Anya had set on the counter. She picked out a few scrolls and held them up to Anya. “What are all these for?”

Anya plucked the scrolls from her grip and returned them to the box. “We’re practicing transmogrification tonight.”

“Oh!” Tara exclaimed, blinking quickly. She looked over at her own pile of crystals with a small frown. “Wow. That’s… advanced.”

Anya waved her off. “Oh, nothing major. Just some small inanimate objects.”

Joan raised her hand to get Anya’s attention. “Uh, what's tranmorgi- whatever you said?” 

“We’re gonna turn rocks into gold,” Dawn answered excitedly. 

Anya’s eyes widened as she glared at the girl. “ That was supposed to be our secret.”

Dawn shrugged apologetically. Though the gesture didn’t seem to hold much sincerity. 

Rupert checked his watch before picking up Anya’s box and saying, “We had best be going. Otherwise we’ll be late.”

Anya nodded in agreement, gesturing for both Rupert and Dawn to exit the house just as abruptly as they came. It seemed to be the way of things lately, Rupert and Anya had been insanely busy that week with the shop. They were constantly rushing here or there, always in some transition when Joan managed to spot them.

Joan returned her head to the cool countertop when they were gone, and Tara went back to her necklace fastening, leaving the house blessedly quiet again. Nothing could be heard aside from the ticking of the kitchen clock and the soft tapping of metal against the counter as Tara worked. Joan had almost fallen asleep when their peaceful coexistence was disturbed once more, this time by the arrival of Alex and Willow.

“You just missed Rupert and the gang,” Tara told Willow.

Willow dumped an armful of plastic bags onto the counter before sidling up to Tara and glancing over at her work. “More snacks for us then,” Willow said, resting her chin on Tara’s shoulder.

“Oh, you wanted us to get snacks for you guys too?” Alex asked, encircling the bags protectively with his arms and pulling them closer to himself. “You should’ve said. These are property of Alexander Harris.”

Tara shook her head. “That’s too bad. I was going to make brownies for whoever brought snacks.”

Alex slowly pushed the bags back toward the center of the counter. “You know me, sharing is my middle name!”

***

Joan hung out with Willow, Alex, and Tara until the end of Randy’s shift, then she made her way toward the Bronze to begin patrol. 

Randy was already waiting outside under the now-dark neon sign when she arrived. She was surprised to note he had already changed out of his uniform and wondered if the Bronze had closed early. Or, she thought guilty, she was later than she thought on account of that – very brief! – counter nap where she definitely did not drool. 

Randy grinned at her and offered an arm, which she accepted with a good-humored eye roll. They walked off arm-in-arm through the alleyways in a familiar route, falling seamlessly into step.

“So,” he began. The sly smirk on his face instantly put Joan on her guard. “I asked Rupert if he might be persuaded to let us start up your driving lessons again.”

Joan’s eyes widened comically as she hissed, “Why would you do that?!”

He chuckled, shaking his head. “I thought it might help us track down the van. Worked last time, didn’t it?”

“Well I don’t see why I’d have to be the one driving,” she whined, elbowing him in the ribs and earning a grunt. “And besides, Rupert wouldn’t let me within a hundred yards of his car after last time.”

Randy’s answering grin was anything but reassuring. “I think you’ll find Rupes can be very forgiving of his favorite son.”

She scoffed. “You’re his only son.”

“So I’m the favorite by default,” he answered, unperturbed. “I asked him the other night. He didn’t even give me a hard time.”

“Does that mean you’ll be signing up for another accounting class?” Joan teased just as they reached the first cemetery on their list.

A snort. “No.”

Joan stopped, bringing them both to a halt just inside the iron fence, and raised an incredulous eyebrow. “What, no lecture at all? No ‘you break it, you buy it’ threats?”

He shook his head with a lopsided smile before slowly saying, “No… Think he was a bit preoccupied. I caught him in the study. You know how he gets.”

“Just when you think you can depend on a guy,” Joan replied with an exaggerated sigh. 

Pulling her towards him with a slight pout, he said, “You’ll just have to depend on my excellent instructions.”

“What instructions?” she rejoined, staring up at him pointedly. “I don’t remember any instructions.”

He huffed, casting his gaze to the sky. “They were a bit on the unspoken side.”

“I’m not a mind reader.”

Releasing her, he turned back toward the rows of silent gravestones and they continued their rounds. “No, I suppose not.”

Joan felt his hesitation more than heard it before he continued, “Rupert did seem a bit out of sorts when I asked about the car. Jumpy. Don’t suppose he’s still thinkin’ I killed that girl?”

Joan frowned. “No. Randy, you couldn’t have killed Katrina even if you wanted to.” At his look, she hastily added, “Which I know you wouldn’t! Want to. We know that. He’s probably just worried about these guys. I mean, they might have broken into our house and they tried to make us go all kablooey. He’s got reasons to be jumpy.” She held up her hands, fighting back a small smirk. “Don’t take this the wrong way, but not everything’s about you. Ego, much?”

Randy gaped at her for a moment before breaking out into loud laughter that would either attract or scare away their intended targets for the night. “Right you are, love.” The laughter faded, and he grew more serious. “But not about everything.”

Her brows furrowed together. “What do you mean?”

He sighed and his voice grew strained. “I didn’t want to kill Katrina. I never met her.” He paused, his eyes still fixed to the ground as they walked. “But I can’t honestly say I’ve never wanted to.” Now he looked at her. “Because I have, Joan.” They had stopped walking and he was watching her reaction carefully. “I just thought you should know that.”

She pursed her lips, suddenly at a bit of a loss for words. “But, you said you didn’t want to bite me.”

He groaned, running a hand down his face before taking a few paces away and then back. “I didn’t! I don’t. Not… You and the rest, the people we woke up with in the Magic Box, I’ve never wanted to– Not them. It’s hard to explain.”

No, it was more than hard to explain. It was impossible to explain. To her. Something he’d much rather not explain. Not that he would ever act on it, of course. He wouldn’t do anything to risk what he had, but that didn’t mean the feeling wasn’t there, lurking just beneath the surface when he least expected it.

“Randy, you’re a vampire, it makes sense.” She took a deep breath to steady her voice. “It doesn’t matter.” When he still looked unconvinced, she added, “It doesn’t. All that matters, is what you do.” They were standing, separated by more than five feet, and yet the moment still managed to feel almost uncomfortably intimate. “And I’ve never seen you do anything that comes close to evil.” Her small smirk returned. “Although you do hog the covers.”

While Joan wasn’t entirely sure what his reaction would be, she definitely hadn’t anticipated wide-eyed alarm.

“Buffy, look out!” Randy warned.

She jumped out of the way just as a sword came slicing down into the grass where she had been standing. Whirling around, she came face to face with a towering red demon with a grisly set of horns protruding from its skull.

“Oh great,” Joan huffed. 

***

Anya joined Rupert in the Magic Box’s basement just as he was beginning to rummage through the box of scrolls she had acquired earlier that day. She knew she had to be upstairs for her class in five minutes – she had barely managed to get a moment away from Dawn – but she needed to speak with Rupert before he got too far down one of his, she shuddered, rabbit holes .

“Rupert, are you sure about this?” she asked him.

“Yes,” he grunted back, not turning to look at her.

“I just don’t want something to go wrong–”

“Nothing will go wrong,” he cut her off.

“Rupert, look at me.”

When he didn’t respond, she repeated, “Rupert.”

This time he looked up, his brow creased in something like frustration. “What is it?”

Her eyes narrowed. “I don’t want you to do something you might regret. I think we should talk to–”

“No!” he snapped before instantly taking on a guilty expression. “No.”

Anya pursed her lips, debating her next words. She had never seen Rupert quite like this, but it had been an especially trying last couple weeks.

“Then let me help you,” she said finally. When he brightened, she held up a finger, “ After class.”

***

Roughly half an hour later, Joan and Randy were busy brushing the dirt off their clothes and sporting some new cuts and bruises. On the bright side, Joan got a nice new sword out of the deal, and there had been no need for demon body clean-up. She really loved when the demons just went poof

“What say we call it a night, pet?” Randy asked. “Get some sleep. Should be busy tomorrow, if Rupes and Anya can convince Alex’s ex to spill.”

Joan agreed easily enough, but they took the long way back to the house, catching a few newly-risen vamps in the process. 

However, when they reached the house, instead of heading to the front door as she’d expected, Randy took her hand and tugged her away, bypassing the house entirely and emerging in the backyard. 

Joan couldn’t help but be a little shocked. Sitting in the middle of their yard was one of Tara’s quilts covered with a few tupperware containers and some of the snacks Alex and Willow had brought home earlier along with a bottle of wine and an accompanying liter of coke. Joan tried hard not to laugh, but the noise slipped out before she could stop herself. It was the weirdest, thrown-together picnic she’d ever seen.

However, when she checked to see if she’d offended Randy, he was smiling warmly back at her. “I asked the witches to throw something together. I think they took my advice literally. Still, they say it’s the thought that counts.”

Joan flopped down on the quilt, pulling Randy down with her and tossing the sword aside. He landed with one hand on either side of her hips slightly draped across her torso, his face an easy distance from her own. 

“You called me Buffy tonight,” she said after a moment. 

He seemed surprised by the statement. “I did?”

She nodded.

“Huh. Must’ve been a reflex.”

She’d like to think so. 

“So, what’ll it be?” He shifted away from her, reaching to hold up the two very different bottles. “Wine or, uh, carbonated sugar?”

“One sugar-rush, please,” she replied.

He glanced around for cups, but found none. Shrugging, he twisted off the cap and handed her the entire bottle.

Holding back another snort, she took a gulp straight from the container like she was a kid again. Randy opened the wine and followed suit, and this time she did laugh. 

“I’m sorry!” he chuckled ruefully. “Next time, I swear I’ll take you on a real date.”

She smothered her laughter, but her smile remained. “No, it’s perfect.”

He smiled back, and she leaned over to kiss him. It was brief, but not lacking in feeling, and when she pulled away she found his intense stare still locked on her.

“You know I love you,” he told her. “More than anything.”

Instead of responding in words, she kissed him again, deeper this time, everything from the past couple weeks melting away as if it had never happened. Right now, they were just Randy and Joan, just as they’d always been.

“Feels like I’ve loved you forever,” he breathed when she pulled away. 

“Well, if by forever you mean the only five months you remember, then you have,” she teased.

His arms tightened around her waist and he swung her harmlessly down to the blanket, one arm resting across her chest as he leaned over her. “Not quite the same,” he replied softly.

“Isn’t it?”

He shook his head, but said no more.

Joan heard the sliding door to the house open and she turned away from Randy’s blue gaze to see Willow standing in the doorway, fidgeting with her hands.

“Uh, guys, we have a bit of an emergency,” Willow said.

Notes:

Some of you are probably wondering when Riley will show up. He will... eventually.