Actions

Work Header

"I'd Marry Him on the Spot."

Summary:

Wally jokingly tells his little cousins that he'd marry Nightwing. It becomes a running joke.

“I’m sticking to my guns. He shows up? He’s getting a husband,” Wally said.

Notes:

I do some childcare/babysitting, and I've taken to doing this running joke thing with some of the kids I sit for that I'd marry Nightwing on the spot if he ever showed up. Anywhere, anytime. Idk. They think it's funny, I think it's funny, it's a thing. They come with increasingly complex and/or ridiculous situations. It's gr9, 11/10, I have a good time endorsing my love of Nightwing in these silly situations they come up with.

Someone said (McJones said, that is) that I should write it and make Wally me in that situation, and make it Birdflash. In that vein, I then decided that Wally's lil cousins (who he would babysit) would both be me, sort of. (I'm a Zack, I was almost a Chris, thus the kid names).

The Spidey Kiss reference/joke partway through is related to a conversation I had with Marvelousmarvel3000.

(See the end of the work for more notes and other works inspired by this one.)

Work Text:

Wally wasn’t exactly his family’s go-to for babysitting. Or hadn’t been. But then his cousin needed a sitter, in a pinch, and Wally offered. He barely knew his little second-cousins, Zack and Chris, but they were instantly enamoured of Wally’s motormouth and bright hair. They got on like a house on fire.  

What does that have to do with anything?  

Well, Wally became their regular babysitter. He was, conveniently, pretty much always “in the area” when his cousin needed a babysitter, and the two boys adored him.  

The hero talk started pretty quick. Zack and Chris lived in Central, so of course they wanted to talk heroes. Zack was eight and Chris was four, both with auburn hair (the West curse, those red undertones), though only Chris had freckles. Zack thought Superman was the coolest (but the Flash was okay, too, he said). Chris thought Green Lantern was pretty neat, though he couldn’t quite wrap his four-year-old head around the idea that there were actually a bunch of GLs. Unilaterally, though, both boys agreed that Batman was the scariest hero – but in a cool way.  

The boys pestered Wally for his favourite hero, too, of course. Wally usually waved them off, saying they were all pretty cool and, “We live in Central, so I’ll take one for the team and call Flash as my favourite.” It was a cop-out, but a cop-out that landed pretty well, for a few months of weekly (or more) babysitting.  

“C’monnnn,” Zack wrapped his arms around Wally’s neck and flopped onto his back. Wally was hard at work, sitting on the floor and trying to build a LEGO car for Chris, so he ignored Zack, for the most part. “You gotta have a favourite!”  

Chris’s head popped up. There was some chocolate on his face, still, from lunch. Wally was going to wranlge him when he had a little less energy (and who knew a pair of kids was all it took to tire out a speedster, anyway?).  

“Wha’s you fafourite?” Chris tacked on. “Gleen Glantern?”  

“Fav-ou-rite,” Zack grumbled. Wally didn’t have to look to know that Zack was sending Chris a grumpy, self-righteous look.  

“Hey,” Wally glanced over his shoulder at Zack. “What’d I say? Kids can’t all enunciate everything the same way older kids can, Zachary. Don’t get upset at your brother for that. Besides,” Wally turned back to the LEGO car. “He’s perfectly understandable. Be nice, man.”  

Zack huffed, then deflated against Wally’s back again. “S it Batman?”  

Chris gasped. “Ba’man!”  

“Nooooo,” Wally smiled down at the LEGOs. He’d spent the first twenty minutes with the boys just sorting LEGOs into colour-coded piles. Not because it needed doing or either kid asked him to, but because he liked the process of sorting. It was soothing, and something his ADHD got along well with. “I mean, Batman’s pretty cool, but I get a sore throat just listening to him!”  

“Batman,”  Zack growled. Or attempted to.  

Chris giggled.  “Ba’man,”  he echoed.  

“You guys’re silly,” Wally glanced up and passed over the LEGO car. “Your vehicle, my liege.”  

“Wassa liege?” Zack asked.  

Wally should have expected that. Actually, he had expected that. “A liege is kinda like a lord or a ruler,” Wally said. He turned and grabbed for Zack, pulling him around to wrestle him into his lap and get a good tickle in. “Or a king, kinda.”  

Zack screeched with laughter,  

Chris gasped, put the LEGO car up on the coffee table, then stood and launched himself at Wally, clearly in need of some tickling, himself.  

Wally let the scene unfold. The light roughhousing was a highlight of watching the boys. Emphasis on “light,” though.  

A few minutes later, when Wally tired of wrangling and tickling both boys, he called a stop. “I think I know which superhero is my favourite!” he said, mostly as a way of diverting their attention. It worked, because both boys were suddenly on alert, like a dog on the hunt.  

“Who, who?” Zack demanded, clambouring closer.  

“Whoooo?” Chris hopped up and down, almost stepping on the LEGOs they’d been playing with before. Luckily, for Chris and Wally both, Chris managed not to step on the little hell-toys. (Wally was a bit impressed, actually.)  

Wally raised his hands for silence.  

The boys were, by then, well trained. The silenced and stilled, holding their breath.  

Ahh, Wally felt like a god. Sort of. And only for a moment. If he let himself revel in it for more than a moment, the moment died and the kids became even harder to wrangle, after the fact. “My favourite superhero,” he began. He gave himself a long pause, to build suspense, even though he kind of wanted to burst out laughing at himself and his own dramatics. “Nightwing!”  

The kids screeched with their victory. That victory being: getting their older cousin to tell them what his favourite hero was, rather than just copping out. But the screeching faded away and left two smiling, if confused, boys. ”Who’s Nightwing?” Zack asked.  

Wally laughed. “Only the coolest guy ever. Here, come look, I’ll get a picture of him,” Wally waved the kids over and the two of them plopped themselves into Wally’s lap while he pulled out his phone and unlocked it. “Way cooler than Batman. And no powers, so he’s also cooler than Superman, Flash, and GL. Don’t tell anyone I said that, though, I’d never leave it down.”  

“I wanna see!” Chris said.  

“I wanna see, too!” Zack wiggled in place. “C’mon Wally, hurry up!”    

“C’mon Wally, hurry up,  the things I put up with, here,” Wally joked. He searched up some public pictures of Nightwing. None of which were great. But then again, showing the boys a selfie Dick sent him while he was supposed to be on patrol? Probably a bad idea. “Here. It’s a bit fuzzy but...” he showed them a picture of the Titans. He was in that shot, arm around Dick’s shoulders. The two of them were laughing about something, though Wally couldn’t remember what. “He’s the guy next to Flash.”  

“Tha’s no’ Flash,” Chris immediately disagreed.  

“Yeah, that doesn’t look like Flash,” Zack sniffed.  

“Not Central’s Flash,” Wally amended. “Keystone’s Flash. You know. The newer one?”  

The boys glanced at each other, then Wally. Zack shrugged.  

“Well, the one in black and blue. That’s Nightwing,” Wally said. Though: ouch. His poor pride was a bit shot at the complete lack of recognition, there.  

After giving the boys a moment to absorb the photo, Wally backed out of it to find another. He picked a Justice League shot, of battle aftermath. “Guy next to Batman,” he said, this time. He motioned with his free hand to a corner of the photo.  

“Ba’man!” Chris gasped.  

“Yeah, bet you didn’t know they sometimes got him on camera, huh? Except at those JL press conferences,” Wally grinned. “He’s crazy camera shy.”  

“And that’s Nightwing,” Zack said, albeit dubiously. “What’s so great about him?”  

“Um? Sheer bad-assery?” Wally scoffed. “This guy dives off buildings and, instead of being scared, does tricks. Crazy kid, I swear! He’s silent as a shadow and super fast. You know, for a guy who isn’t a Flash. And he fights like it’s a game or a dance.” Wally grinned down at his phone.  

“What, do you love him?” Zack asked.  

Wally snorted. “Heck yeah, lil dude. He’s awesome!”  

“Wally wuvs Ni’wing!” Chris giggled into his hands. “Aww!”  

Zack took up Chris’s “aww” and made it a chorus.  

“What, you think I’m kidding?” Wally decided then and there to own it. “If Nightwing showed up, here and now, I’d totally marry the guy.”  

“What?” Zack cackled and threw his weight back against Wally. “That’s silly!”  

Chris giggled along, too, wiggling in his hysterics.  

“I would! I’d marry him on the spot,” Wally defended. Of course, he was playing it up because of how amused the boys were. He bent his head between them and gave either kid a few obnoxious cheek kisses. “And then he’d come and help me babysit you crazy lil monsters!”  

The screeching continued.  

Eventually, the activity petered away from heroes and over to blocks. The kids liked to have Wally organize and build something with their collection of blocks. It was a bit of a tradition. The blocks were “the lumber yard” and Wally played with a Spider-Man action figure while he sorted his “lumber yard,” as if it was Spidey actually doing the sorting, then the building. Wally built an abstract Colosseum for the boys.  

--  

The very next time Wally was babysitting, heroes were the first thing brought up. At first, it was about the comic heroes they liked.  

Wally tried really hard to convince the boys that Nightcrawler was cooler than Spider-Man, but Chris thought Nightcrawler was scary – “Chrissy! Nightcrawler isn’t scary! He’s cute and fluffy!” Wally gasped, to a stream of giggles – and Zack thought super-soldiers were cooler because “super” was in the name. Classic eight-year-old logic, right there.  

“Nightcrawler is way cooler,” Wally insisted. “He could take over for Spidey in a heartbeat, except the Spidey Sense. But he’s too nice and probably wouldn’t say yes if someone asked him to.” He was kind of babbling on, but the kids just liked how sure Wally always made himself sound. Probably because Wally would then crack jokes about how silly he was being with some of his statements.  

“You jus’ like him because his name’s like  Nightwing,”  Zack teased.  

Wally hummed, thoughfully. “Hadn’t thought about it, but maybe. Huh.”  

“Wally n’ Ni’wing, sitting in a twee,” Chris giggled.  

“Nightcrawler and Nightwing are kinda similar,” Wally mused. He obviously wasn’t bothered by Chris’s teasing. He did, however, pull Chris into his lap – he was sitting on the floor again, but they were almost always playing on the floor while Wally was there to babysit – and tickled the bejeepers out of Chris.  

“How?” Zack threw himself on Wally’s back and wrapped his arms around Wally’s neck in the world’s absolute laziest chokehold. Which was another normal for Wally’s babysitting his second cousins.  

“Well, they both do all those crazy tricks. They both are, uh, pretty blue?” Wally offered. Both were also ex-circus acrobats, but that obviously wasn’t going to be part of the public record and, therefore, couldn’t be used in Wally’s explanations of why he thought Nightwing and Nightcrawler were similar. “They’re also both super nice! And really good leaders.”  

Zack blew a raspberry.  

“Not convinced?” Wally snorted.  

“No,” Zack turned up his nose. “Might as well say he’s like Cap’n America. Lotsa blue, does tricks, super nice, and good leaders. Captain America.”  

Wally opened his mouth to disagree, then slowly shut it. He thought about it for a second. “Well. I guess you got me there. And Cap doesn’t have powers, just enhancements, while Nightcrawler can teleport and, you know, has a tail. Yeah. Okay, you win that round, kiddo.”  

Zack preened.  

“Would you really mawwy Ni’wing?” Chris asked from Wally’s lap, where he’d caught his breath again after the tickling to end all ticklings.  

“Oh, for sure,” Wally scoffed. “He’s, like, super pretty, too. Of course I’d marry him.”  

“Boys aren’t pretty!” Chris giggled.  

Wally feigned a horrified gasp. “You take that back! Boys so  are  pretty! Haven’t you ever seen, like, Orlando Bloom?”  

“Whossat?” Chris asked.  

Wally put the back of his hand to his forehead and fake-cried. “You poor things! Your mom hasn’t let you watch Pirates of the Caribbean, yet?!”  

“It’s PG-13!” Zack giggled.  

“That’s no excuse! I’m gonna have to talk to your mom later. Everyone should be able to appreciate Orlando Bloom in his pirate glory. Or his elf glory! Here,” he got out his phone, which summoned the boys to his lap. Chris straightened up on one knee to make room for Zack on the other. Wally, meanwhile, pulled up pictures of Legolas. “Look at this man. He’s gorgeous! So pretty!”  

Zack and Chris looked unconvinced, so Wally started pulling up other “pretty” actors.  

“Come on, guys. Pretty is totally gender-neutral,” he scoffed. “You don’t think I’m pretty? I’m so offended.”  

That brought the giggles right back.  

“Is Superman pwetty?” Chris asked.  

“Not really. I mean, not to me,” Wally said, completely straight-faced. ”But that’s the thing about pretty, Chrissy, my boy. It’s about individual preference.”  

“Whassat?”  

“What  you  like and what  you  think is pretty,” Wally set down his phone and gave Chris a nose boop. “If you think Superman is pretty, then by golly! Superman is pretty. But it’s an objective truth that Nightwing is way prettier. That’s just the rule.”  

More giggling, Wally was on a roll.  

“No, he is!” Wally insisted, through the giggles of both boys.  

“You just like him!” Zack accused.  

“You wike him,” Chris echoed. He was often taking up the echo of his brother. That was probably normal for siblings of their age difference, though. Younger kids usually looked up to older kids (especially given that little kids were so short, ha!), especially when those older kids that were being looked up to were also older siblings.  

“I wike him,” Wally agreed. He pinched Chris’s nose lightly. “I wike him  oodles.”    

“’S that why you’ll marry him?” Zack asked.  

“Hell yeah,” Wally nodded solemnly.  

“If he showed up right now, you’d marry him?” Zack specified.  

“Oh, totally. You wanna be the ring bearer or the flower boy?” Wally tweaked Zack’s nose, this time. ”Spidey can be the officiant.” Wally motioned to the toy he usually had “build” his building block creations. “And the other toys can be witnesses.”  

--  

The next few times Wally sat for the boys went much the same, in that babysitting would be about playing and dealing with lunch, and then one or both boys would end up thinking about and then talking about superheroes. And then it would be about Nightwing.  

The Nightwing questions were a new constant. Sometimes Wally also got questions about Nightwing that didn’t have to do with the running joke of Wally apparently being willing to marry the vigilante on the spot (like “why is he so cool?” and “does he have other costumes?” – that one was fun to go through, being as well-versed in Nightwing lore as Wally  just so happened  to be).  

But really. Most of the questions were asked with expectations of that marriage in-joke. Which Wally was fine with, and endlessly amused by. It became normal.  

_  

“If he knocked on the door?” Zack asked.  

“Oh, I’d answer it and be all like, ‘marry me,’ duh,” Wally said.  

“Really?” Zack giggled.  

“Oh, hell yeah,” Wally said solemnly.  

-  

“Wha’ if he was on the bow-cony,” Chris asked (while eating a popsicle on said balcony).  

“Well, I’d tell him to get down. What’s he doing on your balcony?” Wally asked.  

Chris gasped. “Wha’ bout mawwyin’ him?” he asked.  

“Oh, I’d marry him after he gets down. Seriously, you don’t climb random balconies, it’s not polite! But also not a deal-breaker,” Wally nodded.  

-  

“What if he was at the playground when we were there?” Zack asked.  

“Oh, marry him on the spot. Maybe on the swings, I’ve always liked swings,” Wally said.  

“How’re ya gonna kiss?” Chris piped up.  

“Like this,” Wally made a kissy face, to the chorus of little-boy giggles.  

-  

“Wha’ if y’saw him at th’ store?” Chris asked.  

“I guess Fresh Produce is as good as any place for a wedding,” Wally said.  

“That’s silly!” Chris giggled. His laugh was pretty high-pitched and a little tiny-supervillain-esque, but still very charming in that little kid way.  

“The carrots will be my witness!” Wally said.  

-  

“What if you saw him on a boat?” Zack asked, when they were driving near the lake.  

“I’ll just swim out and marry him on the boat. Obviously.”  

-  

“Wha’ if he appeared-ed but... was weally small?” Chris asked.  

“I guess I’ll have a tiny husband.” Wally said.  

-  

“What if you saw Nightwing turning around in our driveway?” Zack asked.  

“I’d run up to his car and marry him, duh,” Wally said.  

-  

There were so many variations of it, especially as the “Nightwing thing” became the boys’ favourite topic. To the point where Wally’s cousin, Sam, apologized about how often they brought it up. Wally brushed it off, laughing, and explained that it was kind of like his little in-joke with the boys. It was fine. Funny, even! And he really didn’t mind in the least.  

When they were swimming at the lake one day, Wally tagging along with Sam and her boyfriend and the boys, Chris would paddle his way over in his life jacket and ask things like. “Wha’ if Ni’wing was on the dock?”  

“Marry him on the spot,” Wally would respond.  

Chris would swim away, then return later. “Wha’ if he’s was swimming, too?”  

“Marry him on the spot!” Wally crossed his heart. “Of course.”  

“In th’ water?” Chis gasped. (Wally was glad he didn’t gasp in lake water.)  

“Oh, sure! Water wedding? Why not,” Wally said.  

And Chris would swim away again. Rinse and repeat, throughout the whole trip. Zack waited until they were clambouring into Sam’s car to add his own to the collection of Chris’s Nightwing questions with a: “What if Nightwing drove up right now?”  

“Marry him on the spot,” Wally said. “Duh.”  

“But we’re leaving!”  

“I guess I’d have to elope with him, sorry,” Wally shrugged and feigned sadness. “It would have to be done.”  

“What’s ‘elope’?” Zack asked.  

“Oh, you know. When you marry someone and run off with them,” Wally offered his hand, palm up, and made a finger person with his other hand, running it across his palm. “Elope!”  

“Momma!” Zack called.  

“Yeah?” Sam poked her head around the car, to where Zack was helping Wally load the trunk.  

“Are you gonna elope?”  

“No, Zack,” Sam rolled her eyes fondly. She was strawberry blond and had given Chris his freckles. Emphasis on the strawberry, though. West curse and all. “If I get married, I’m gonna have a big party.”  

“Why?” Zack asked.  

“So you and Chris can celebrate with me, goose!” Sam said. Wally thought maybe the conversation would end there. Or rather, Wally thought that Zack would stick with his new topic of whether or not Sam would elope with her boyfriend (Wally honestly forgot his name), but then Zack turned back to Wally.  

“Why wouldn’t  you  have a party?” he asked.  

“If I get a shot at Nightwing, I’m takin’ it, party or no,” Wally said. ”We can party later.”  

Zack thought about that for a long moment, then nodded. “Makes sense.”  

Wally nodded back, just as serious as Zack was.  

--  

The “Nightwing thing” became something of a universal constant for Wally, at least while he was babysitting his second-cousins. What wasn’t a universal constant was having Sam call up because her other sitter cancelled on her last minute.  

Wally was sitting on his bed with Dick, playing a Mario Party game on Wally’s Wii, when Sam called. He stuttered out an “uh,” while glancing over at said best friend.  

“It’s fine,” Dick rolled his eyes, fondly exasperated. “I know how much you love watching the boys.”    

“Oh, you have someone over!”  Sam said. She sounded a tiny bit panicked. But also resigned.  

If Wally was remembering correctly, Sam had tickets for a show and she’d been looking forward to it for weeks. No. Months, right? Yeah. Sam had been looking forward to it for months. “Oh, dude, Sam,” Wally adjusted his phone. “I could just, like, be there in a few. No problem.”    

“Wally, you don’t have to. I didn’t mean to interrupt you! Please tell me it’s not a date,”  Sam said.  

“It’s fine,” Wally laughed. “Dick, are we on a date? Tell Sam we’re not so that she’ll stop panicking about messing up my love life.”  

Dick laughed, “It would be just your luck if you were on a date and didn’t know it, though,” he teased.  

“Wow. Wow, rude,” Wally scoffed.    

“I don’t know if it would help or hurt, but you could bring him over?”  Sam said.  

“Oh, that actually sounds kind of fun. It would blow Zack n’ Chris’s minds if they realized I had a life outside them. And friends!” Wally laughed. He turned to Dick, “Wanna go? You don’t have to or anything—”  

“Sure, sounds fun,” Dick snorted.  

“Oh, cool!” Wally grinned at him. “You don’t have to do anything, if you don’t want, though. Like—”  

“Dude,” Dick laughed. “Save the rabbit trails for when your cousin’s not trying to lock down a babysitter.”  

“Right, sure, yeah. Sam, when do you need me there by?” Wally returned his attention to his phone.  

Fifteen minutes later, Wally got out of Dick’s white convertible Jaguar F-Type at Sam’s house. “Your car is  so  out of place, here, dude,” Wally walked around to the back of Dick’s car, which was parked across from Sam’s house – it was a cute little townhome with shared parking as well as a covered space for a car.  

“Technically, it’s Bruce’s car,” Dick said.  

“Doesn’t make it look like it belongs here and more,” Wally said. He walked towards Sam’s house, but found his little cousins already at the screen door, gaping at the car.  

Zack was going through a car phase and probably realized how nice a car it was. Chris just took cues from his older brother.  

“Sup, guys?” Wally greeted.  

“Whossat?” Chris pointed, jabbing his finger against the lower portion – glass, thankfully – of the screen door.  

“Dick,” Wally said. He turned to grin at him, then turned back to the boys. Dick gave a small, awkward wave. “He’s my best friend. Has been for, like, ever.”  

Chris frowned in suspicion, but nodded.  

Sam ushered the boys away and welcomed Wally and Dick inside. She chattered through the run-down, which she gave more as habit then because she thought Wally didn’t know, and then absently greeted Dick, then disappeared upstairs to finish getting ready to leave.  

“She seems nice,” Dick said.  

“Sammy West,” Wally nodded. “She’s okay, most of the time, but when I was little, she was the trouble child, actually.” He grinned over at Dick. “Came out at a family picnic, once.”  

“Sounds nice.”  

“Conservative side of the family,” Wally snorted. “She came out as bi, flipped a great aunt off, then left. She’s didn't go back to one of those picnics for like, until Chris was born. Years. But that side of the family’s actually more tolerable now – thus her going back at all – Iris even brought Barry and Hal, both, along to one and only got a few of those pointed looks. Major progress for them, honestly.”  

“Oh, Jason would like her,” Dick laughed.  

Zack and Chris sidled up to Wally, still looking at Dick in suspicion. “Can we still play?” Zack asked.  

“Course,” Wally turned. “Why wouldn’t we?”  

Zack pointed at Dick. “Grown-ups don’t play,” he said. Then he dropped his pointing. “Me n’ Chris thought you’d stop playing so’s to be more grown-up with your friend.”  

“Nah,” Wally scoffed and waved the concern away. “I’ve done way more embarrassing things with and in front of Dick than playing with my awesome cousins, dude. That’s not even a concern, pinky promise.” He even went as far as to actually perform said pinky promise.  

“I watched him run into a wall three days ago,” Dick offered. To the delighted giggles of both of Wally’s traitorous little cousins.  

“Okay, that was rude,” Wally laughed. “So mean.”  

Dick tossed him a wink.  

From there, it was basically a normal time babysitting Chris and Zack, except that Dick sat with them and built LEGO things, too, and helped Wally sort the building blocks after, and showed Zack and Chris (mostly Zack) how to play cat’s cradle (Chris wasn’t really coordinated enough for it, yet).  

But of course, it wouldn’t be a babysitting session without the “Nightwing thing” coming up.  

They were out back, behind the row of townhouses, and jumping on the trampoline Sam had bought the previous year, after much begging from both her boys (and finding one on sale). Zack and Chris had found out that Dick could do flips and stuff, so they’d clamboured off the trampoline with Wally and started making demands of Dick, who did their demands – flips forwards and back, handsprings, and whatever other little tricks he could think of.  

Zack turned to Wally in the middle of it, Chris still squealing wildly at the last combination of flips Dick had done for him. “Wally,” Zack started.  

“Hm?” Wally glanced down at him, pausing in his applause of Dick’s creative use of the space available on the trampoline.  

“If Nightwing showed up right now, on our patio,” Zack motioned behind them, vaguely at the house. “What would you do.”  

“Oh, marry him on the spot,” Wally nodded seriously.  

There was the thud of Dick sticking the landing after, probably, doing a flip off the trampoline. “Oh, that a fact?” Dick asked.  

Wally felt his face flush and he glanced over at him. He grinned and shrugged. “Hell yeah,” he said. The bit demanded that he carry it through to the end, in spite of. You know. Dick standing right there, Nightwing in the flesh, even if Zack and Chris didn’t know that.  

Dick laughed, easy and amused. “Well,” he turned to Zack. “Nightwing’s okay and all, but let’s be real. Keystone’s Flash is the real prize.”  

“I don’t know who that is,” Zack sighed.  

“Old Kid Flash. He grew up and got cooler,” Dick said.  

Zack made an “oh” face. “I know him!” he grinned excitedly over at Wally.  

Wally, though, was eyeing his friend quizzically. Were they... flirting? Meta-flirting? They flirted, sometimes, sure. Dick and Wally were both incredibly flirty people. And friendly. And Dick was probably one of the most tactile, cuddly people Wally knew. But this was a bit different.  

“Would you marry him?” Zack asked. And bless him for carrying on with the game, even though it wasn’t Wally and it wasn’t about Nightwing. However, blessings aside, Wally wanted him to very much not continue the game, because Wally’s embarrassment was making him feel very red-faced and a bit lightheaded.  

“No, I’d ask him out,” Dick squatted down to be on Zack’s level. He grinned. ”Half the fun’s getting to know someone! Why jump to the wedding, ya know?”  

Zack gave a solemn nod, then turned to look at Wally accusingly. “Why aren’t  you  asking  Nightwing  out?” he asked.  

“I’m sticking to my guns. He shows up? He’s getting a husband,” Wally said.  

Dick laughed.  

God, Dick’s laugh was such a pretty noise.  

--  

The rest of the babysitting went pretty well.  

Sam was out until late, so Wally put the kids to bed. Something he was used to. He and Dick took turns reading to them, because reading was part of the boys’ wind-down at the end of the day. The whole thing was warm and domestic in a way Wally hadn’t even thought to want, but his sheer embarrassment at Dick catching him in the middle of his “marry Nightwing on the spot” bit? That brought into sharp focus the things Wally usually didn’t think too much about.  

Anyway, they did lunch with the boys, they did dinner, and they put them to bed. All as a team. Wally and Dick, Dick and Wally. Then they collapsed together on Sam’s couch, downstairs, laughing quietly and congratulating each other for surviving the energy of two young children.  

Then Dick’s smile got extra soft. “The thing?” he said, apropos nothing.  

“Thing?” Wally grinned back.  

“I bet he’d say yes, just because it’s you,” Dick said. Then he booped Wally’s nose, the way he’d watched Wally boop Zack’s and Chris’s noses throughout the day.  

“Who?” Wally laughed. “Nightwing?”  

“Yeah,” Dick’s grin widened. “Little bird told me he’s had a thing for redheads since forever, anyway.”  

“Everyone knows that,” Wally laughed.  

“And he’s had a crush on his best friend for, like, ten years,” Dick was still smiling, but he dropped his gaze to his lap and picked aimlessly at his jeans.  

Wally felt his breath catch. “No kidding?” he managed.  

Dick glanced at him and raised an eyebrow. “If it really is just a joke, you can pretend I didn’t say anything. In fact, I’d appreciate that. I mean. If you don’t actually—”  

“No, no, no,” Wally said quickly. “Oh my god, date me,” he said. Then slapped a hand over his mouth.  

They stared at each other for a minute, then burst into laughter, albeit quiet laughter (so as to avoid waking the boys). Dick scooted closer to Wally on the couch, grinning a bit wider. “So. No proposal?” he asked.  

“I propose you date me,” Wally said.  

Dick laughed, almost too loud. “Fair enough. But on one condition.”  

“Anything, dude,” Wally said.  

“I want a kiss,” Dick said.  

In fact, they’d kissed before. Spin the bottle, on one memorable occasion. Attempting the Spider-Man kiss, on another memorable occasion (don’t ask). But also just platonic kisses here, a bit of messing around when they were younger there, and some almost-platonic kisses that lingered maybe a bit too long or strayed a bit too close to a different kind of affection than initially intended. Dick always liked, just, the act of kissing people. And Wally – while he wouldn’t exactly do that with just any friend – was cool with that expression of affection from Dick.  

But coupley kissing? Intentionally romantic kissing? Yeah. That would be new. Context, right?  

“Oh, duh,” Wally agreed, immediately.  

Dick laughed and leaned up into him. Wally moved in, as well. The first press of lips was, again, nothing necessarily unfamiliar or new, but there was a spark of context that changed things, too. The second kiss was a bit less of a press and a bit more of a proper kiss.  

Wally didn’t necessarily want to part, but after a few more light, innocent kisses, Dick pulled back, smiling. “Probably shouldn’t get too involved, here,” he joked.  

Wally sighed, but knew Dick was right. “Come back home with me?” he asked.  

Dick raised an eyebrow again, amusement more than clear in his expression and the happy squints at the corners of his eyes. “Getting a bit forward there, don’t you think?” he asked.  

Wally rolled his eyes. “C’mon, dude!”  

“Oh, I never said I minded forward,” Dick tossed him an exaggerated wink.  

Wally devolved into snickers. “You’re such a nerd.”  

“It‘s part of my charm,” Dick agreed.  

--  

Sam arrived home, late, to find Wally and Dick cuddling on her couch, dozing and watching a late-night variety show of some kind. “How’d it go?” she asked.  

“Awesome!” Wally grinned over at her, then hopped up. “Okay, cool—bye!” He started tugging Dick to his feet – to Dick’s exaggerated whining.  

Sam raised her eyebrow. “That bad?”  

“No, I just have an impromptu late-night date I want to get to, asap,” Wally said.  

“Oh my god,” Dick whined. “I’m so tired, right now.”  

“It’s only eleven!”  

“I’ll take a nap and be right as rain by midnight, then.”  

“That’s not healthy!” Wally continued trying to usher Dick to the door.  

“You’re really booting your friend to go on a midnight date?” Sam frowned a little.  

“No,” Wally grinned over his shoulder at Sam, as Dick opened the door and stepped outside, “He  is  the date. He doesn’t get an out”  

“Oh. Oh!” Sam gave a surprised laugh. “So I was interrupting a date? You didn’t have to do that for me, Walls.”  

“No, we were just playing Wii, you didn’t interrupt anything,” Wally said, he stepped down onto the door stoop and smiled up at Sam. “But I asked him out, so now it’s a date. I mean, so now it can be a date. If he wants. Or we can just makeout.”  

Sam opened and closed her mouth, amused, but a bit puzzled.  

“I bet I have a Rockstar in my center console,” Dick yawned. “I’ll chug that, instead of the nap.”  

Wally turned back to him. “That’s still not good for you, dude.”  

“It’s fine,” Dick disagreed. “You wanna drive?”  

“The fucking  Jaguar?  Hell yes,” Wally caught the keys that immediately flew at his face. “Oh my god, I’m going to drive Bruce’s Jaguar. This is a horrible idea.”  

Wally waved over his shoulder at Sam, then trotted over to the car. Sam waved back. “Crazy kid,” she muttered.  

Notes:

Thanks for reading!

If you like Sam and the boys, tell me. XD Who knows if those rando OCs will show up again, right?
--

Come Join Us over at Birdwatchers, a Batfam-oriented Discord Server

Series this work belongs to:

Works inspired by this one: